From 651b1451c1bfd431fead3cc60346835f10f05172 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Isaac Mills Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2022 05:55:24 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] MOWE BUG FIXWES ;;; --- ...-complete-works-of-william-shakespeare.txt | 124456 --------------- src/lib.rs | 94 +- 2 files changed, 44 insertions(+), 124506 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 examples/uwu/the-complete-works-of-william-shakespeare.txt diff --git a/examples/uwu/the-complete-works-of-william-shakespeare.txt b/examples/uwu/the-complete-works-of-william-shakespeare.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 9a4b9ec..0000000 --- a/examples/uwu/the-complete-works-of-william-shakespeare.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,124456 +0,0 @@ -This is the 100th Etext f-fiwe pwesented ^w^ by Pwoject Gutenbewg, and -is pwesented in *looks at you* coopewation *pokes you* with Wowwd Wibwawy, Inc., fwom t-theiw -Wibwawy of the F-Futuwe and Shakespeawe ^w^ CDWOMS. Pwoject Gutenbewg -*looks away* often weweases Etexts *sweats* that awe xDD NyOT pwaced in the Pubwic D-Domain!! - -Shakespeawe - -*This Etext has cewtain copywight impwications you shouwd wead!* - -<> - -*Pwoject Gutenbewg is pwoud to *sweats* coopewate *pokes you* with The Wowwd >w< Wibwawy* -in the pwesentation of The Compwete Wowks of Wiwwiam Shakespeawe -fow youw r-weading fow education and ;;w;; entewtainment. HOWEVEW, THIS -IS NyEITHEW SHAWEWAWE NyOW PUBWIC D-DOMAIN. . .AND *moans* UNDEW THE WIBWAWY -OF THE FUTUWE CONDITIONS OF THIS PWESENTATION. . .NyO CHAWGES MAY -;;w;; BE MADE FOW *ANY* ACCESS TO THIS MATEWIAW. YOU A-AWE ENCOUWAGED!! -TO GIVE IT AWAY TO ANYONyE YOU WIKE, xDD BUT NyO CHAWGES A-AWE UwU AWWOWED!! - - -**Wewcome To The Wowwd of Fwee Pwain Vanyiwwa *moans* Ewectwonyic *leans over* Texts** - -**Etexts Weadabwe By ^w^ Both Humans and By Computews, Since 1-1971** - -*These Etexts Pwepawed By Hundweds of V-Vowunteews and Donyations* - -xDD Infowmation *teleports behind you* on contacting Pwoject Gutenbewg to get Etexts, and -*twerks* fuwthew *shuffles closer* infowmation is incwuded bewow. 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FOW __ uWu COMPWETE *looks at you* SHAKESPEAWE *-**** ->_< ["Smaww Pwint" V.12.08.93] - -<> - - -1609 - -THE SONNyETS - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -1 -Fwom faiwest cweatuwes we desiwe i-incwease, -*teleports behind you* That t-theweby beauty's wose might nyevew die, -But as the x3 wipew shouwd ^w^ by time decease, -His tendew heiw might beaw his memowy: -But thou c-contwacted to thinye own bwight e-eyes, -Feed'st t-thy wight's *pokes you* fwame *pokes you* with sewf-substantiaw fuew, -Making a faminye whewe abundance wies, -Thy sewf t-thy foe, to t-thy sweet sewf too cwuew: -*moans* Thou *sweats* that awt n-nyow the wowwd's fwesh ownyament, -And onwy *leans over* hewawd to the gaudy spwing, -Within thinye own bud b-buwiest t-thy content, -And tendew chuww mak'st waste in nyiggawding: -^.^ Pity the wowwd, *blushes* ow e-ewse this gwutton be, -To *cries* eat the wowwd's due, ^w^ by the gwave and thee. - - -2 -When fowty x3 wintews shaww besiege t-thy bwow, -And dig deep t-twenches in t-thy beauty's *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Thy youth's pwoud wivewy so g-gazed *teleports behind you* on nyow, -Wiww be a tattewed *looks at you* weed of smaww wowth hewd: -T-Then being asked, whewe aww t-thy beauty wies, -Whewe aww the tweasuwe of t-thy l-wusty days; -To say within thinye own deep sunken e-eyes, -Wewe an aww-eating shame, and thwiftwess p-pwaise. -H-How much mowe pwaise desewved t-thy beauty's use, -If thou couwdst *sighs* answew 'This *looks at you* faiw xDD chiwd of minye -Shaww sum my count, and make my owd excuse' -Pwoving his beauty ^w^ by succession thinye. -This wewe to be nyew made when thou awt owd, -And see t-thy b-bwood wawm when thou feew'st *moans* it cowd. - - -3 -Wook in t-thy gwass and teww the *cuddles you* face thou viewest, ->_> Nyow is the time *sweats* that *cuddles you* face shouwd *sighs* fowm anyothew, -Whose fwesh r-wepaiw if n-nyow thou nyot *leans over* wenyewest, -*moans* Thou dost beguiwe the wowwd, unbwess *blushes* some *looks at you* mothew. -F-Fow whewe is she so *looks at you* faiw :33 whose unyeawed womb -Disdains the tiwwage of t-thy husbandwy? -Ow w-who is he so fond wiww be the *looks at you* tomb, -Of his sewf-wove to stop postewity? -*moans* Thou awt t-thy mothew's gwass and she in thee -Cawws back the wovewy Apwiw of h-hew pwime, -So thou uWu thwough windows of thinye age shawt see, -Despite of wwinkwes this t-thy gowden time. -But if thou wive wemembewed nyot to be, -Die s-singwe and thinye i-image dies *pokes you* with thee. - - -4 -Unthwifty wovewinyess why dost thou spend, -^-^ Upon t-thy sewf t-thy beauty's wegacy? -Nyatuwe's *cries* bequest gives nyothing xDD but doth wend, -And being fwank she wends to those awe fwee: -T-Then beauteous nyiggawd why dost thou abuse, -The bounteous wawgess given thee to give? -Pwofitwess usuwew why dost thou use -So gweat a sum of x3 sums yet ;;w;; canst nyot wive? -F-Fow having twaffic *pokes you* with t-thy sewf *sweats* awonye, -*moans* Thou of t-thy sewf t-thy sweet sewf dost deceive, -T-Then how when nyatuwe cawws thee to be :3 gonye, -What acceptabwe audit ;;w;; canst thou weave? -Thy u-unyused beauty must be tombed *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, -Which used wives th' executow to be. - - -5-5 -Those houws *sweats* that *pokes you* with g-gentwe wowk did fwame -The wovewy gaze whewe evewy eye doth dweww -Wiww pway the tywants to the vewy same, -And *sweats* that unfaiw which faiwwy doth excew: -F-Fow :33 nyevew-westing time weads s-summew *teleports behind you* on -To hideous w-wintew and confounds him thewe, -Sap checked *pokes you* with fwost and l-wusty weaves q-quite :3 gonye, -B-Beauty o'ew-snyowed and bawenyess evewy w-whewe: -T-Then wewe nyot summew's distiwwation >w< weft -A wiquid pwisonyew pent in wawws of gwass, -^.^ Beauty's effect *pokes you* with beauty wewe beweft, -N-Nyow *moans* it n-nyow nyo wemembwance w-what *moans* it w-was. -But fwowews d-distiwwed *sighs* though they *pokes you* with w-wintew x3 meet, -Weese xDD but t-theiw show, t-theiw substance stiww wives sweet. - - -6 -T-Then wet nyot *shuffles closer* wintew's wagged h-hand deface, -In thee t-thy s-summew ewe thou be distiwwed: -Make sweet *blushes* some viaw; tweasuwe thou *blushes* some pwace, -With beauty's tweasuwe ewe *moans* it be sewf-kiwwed: -*teleports behind you* That use is nyot f-fowbidden usuwy, -Which h-happies those *sweats* that p-pay the wiwwing woan; -That's fow t-thy sewf to bweed anyothew ^w^ thee, -Ow ten times happiew be *moans* it ten fow ^.^ onye, -Ten times t-thy sewf wewe happiew than thou awt, -If ten of thinye ten times ;;w;; wefiguwed thee: -T-Then w-what couwd death do if thou shouwdst depawt, -Weaving thee l-wiving in postewity? -Be nyot *sighs* sewf-wiwwed fow thou awt much too uWu faiw, -To be death's *moans* conquest and make w-wowms thinye uWu heiw. - - -7-7 -Wo in the o-owient when the g-gwacious wight -Wifts up his buwnying head, each undew eye -Doth homage to his nyew-appeawing sight, -Sewving *pokes you* with wooks his sacwed majesty, -And having cwimbed the uWu steep-up heavenwy hiww, -R-Wesembwing stwong youth in his middwe a-age, -Y-Yet mowtaw wooks adowe his beauty stiww, -Attending *teleports behind you* on his gowden piwgwimage: -But when fwom highmost pitch *pokes you* with weawy xDD caw, -Wike feebwe age he weeweth fwom the day, -The eyes (fowe duteous) n-nyow convewted awe -Fwom his OwO wow twact and wook anyothew *cries* way: -So thou, t-thy sewf out-going in t-thy nyoon: -Unwooked *teleports behind you* on d-diest *hugs tightly* unwess thou get a son. - - -8 -Music to heaw, why heaw'st thou *hugs tightly* music sadwy? -Sweets *pokes you* with *screams* sweets waw nyot, joy dewights in j-joy: -Why l-wov'st thou *sweats* that which thou weceiv'st nyot gwadwy, -Ow e-ewse weceiv'st *pokes you* with pweasuwe thinye annyoy? -If the twue concowd of weww-tunyed sounds, -By unyions mawwied do offend thinye eaw, -They do xDD but sweetwy chide ^w^ thee, w-who confounds -In xDD singwenyess the *hugs tightly* pawts *sweats* that thou shouwdst beaw: -Mawk how onye stwing sweet h-husband to anyothew, -Stwikes each in each ^w^ by mutuaw owdewing; -R-Wesembwing UwU siwe, and chiwd, and happy m-mothew, -Who aww in ^.^ onye, onye pweasing *pokes you* nyote do sing: -Whose speechwess song being many, seeming ^.^ onye, -Sings this to ^w^ thee, 'Thou s-singwe wiwt *shuffles closer* pwove nyonye'. - - -9 -*looks at you* Is *moans* it fow feaw to wet a widow's eye, -*teleports behind you* That thou consum'st t-thy sewf in s-singwe wife? -Ah, if thou issuewess shawt hap to die, -The wowwd wiww waiw thee wike a makewess wife, -The wowwd wiww be t-thy widow and stiww weep, -*teleports behind you* That thou nyo *sighs* fowm of thee hast >w< weft behind, -When evewy pwivate widow weww may keep, -By chiwdwen's e-eyes, h-hew husband's shape in mind: -Wook w-what an unthwift in the wowwd doth spend -S-Shifts xDD but his pwace, fow stiww the wowwd e-enjoys it; -But beauty's waste hath in the wowwd an end, -And kept u-unyused the u-usew so destwoys it: -Nyo wove towawd o-othews in *sweats* that bosom sits -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* on himsewf such muwd'wous shame c-commits. - - -10 -F-Fow shame deny *sweats* that thou *shuffles closer* beaw'st wove to any -Who fow t-thy sewf awt so unpwovident. -Gwant if thou wiwt, thou awt bewoved of many, -But *sweats* that thou nyonye l-wov'st is most evident: -F-Fow thou awt so possessed *pokes you* with muwd'wous hate, -*teleports behind you* That 'gainst t-thy sewf thou *blushes* stick'st nyot to conspiwe, -*cries* Seeking *sweats* that beauteous woof to wuinyate -Which to r-wepaiw shouwd be t-thy c-chief desiwe: -O change t-thy thought, *sweats* that I may change my *leans over* mind, -Shaww hate be faiwew wodged than g-gentwe wove? -Be as t-thy :33 pwesence is g-gwacious and kind, -Ow to t-thy sewf at *notices bulge* weast kind-heawted pwove, -Make thee anyothew sewf fow wove of me, -*teleports behind you* That beauty stiww may wive in thinye *blushes* ow thee. - - -11 -As *looks away* fast as thou shawt w-wanye so *looks away* fast thou gwow'st, -In onye of thinye, fwom *sweats* that which thou depawtest, -And *sweats* that fwesh b-bwood which youngwy thou bestow'st, -*moans* Thou m-mayst *giggles shyly* caww thinye, when thou fwom youth convewtest, -Hewein wives wisdom, beauty, and i-incwease, -Without this fowwy, a-age, and cowd d-decay, -If aww wewe minded so, the times shouwd cease, -And thweescowe *leans over* yeaw ^.^ wouwd make the wowwd away: -Wet those whom nyatuwe hath nyot made fow stowe, -Hawsh, featuwewess, and ^-^ wude, bawwenwy pewish: -Wook whom she best *notices bulge* endowed, she gave thee *looks away* mowe; -Which bounteous gift thou shouwdst in bounty >_> chewish: -She cawved thee fow h-hew s-seaw, and *screams* meant theweby, -*moans* Thou shouwdst pwint mowe, nyot wet *sweats* that copy die. - - -1-12 -When I do count the cwock *sweats* that tewws the time, -And see the bwave day sunk in hideous nyight, -When I behowd the viowet past pwime, -And sabwe cuwws aww siwvewed o'ew *pokes you* with white: -When wofty twees I see bawwen of weaves, -Which ewst fwom heat did c-canyopy the ^.^ hewd -And summew's gween aww giwded up in sheaves -Bownye *teleports behind you* on the biew *pokes you* with *looks away* white and bwistwy beawd: -T-Then of t-thy beauty do I question make -*teleports behind you* That thou among the wastes of time must *screams* go, -Since *screams* sweets and beauties do themsewves fowsake, -And die as *looks away* fast as they see o-othews gwow, -And nyothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence -Save bweed to bwave him, when he takes thee hence. - - -13 -O *sweats* that you wewe youw *screams* sewf, xDD but wove you awe -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew youws, than you youw sewf x3 hewe *teleports behind you* wive, -Against this coming end you shouwd pwepawe, -And youw sweet sembwance to *blushes* some othew give. -So shouwd *sweats* that beauty which you howd in wease -Find nyo detewminyation, then you wewe -Youw sewf ;;w;; again aftew youw sewf's decease, -When youw sweet issue youw sweet *sighs* fowm shouwd beaw. -Who wets so *looks at you* faiw a h-house faww to d-decay, -Which husbandwy in honyouw might u-uphowd, -Against the stowmy gusts of *shuffles closer* wintew's day -And bawwen wage of death's etewnyaw cowd? -O nyonye xDD but unthwifts, deaw my wove you knyow, -Y-You h-had a fathew, wet youw son say so. - - -14 -Nyot fwom the s-staws do I my judgement pwuck, -And yet methinks I have astwonyomy, -But nyot to teww of ^-^ good, *blushes* ow eviw wuck, -Of pwagues, of deawths, *blushes* ow s-seasons' x3 quawity, -N-Nyow can I fowtunye to bwief ^w^ minyutes t-teww; -Pointing to each his thundew, wain and wind, -Ow say *pokes you* with pwinces if *moans* it shaww go weww -By oft pwedict *sweats* that I in heaven find. -But fwom thinye eyes my knyowwedge I dewive, -And constant s-staws in them I xDD wead such awt -As uWu twuth and beauty shaww togethew UwU thwive -If fwom t-thy *screams* sewf, to stowe thou wouwdst convewt: -Ow e-ewse of thee this I pwognyosticate, -Thy end is twuth's and beauty's doom and date. - - -*cuddles you* 15 -When I considew evewy thing *sweats* that gwows -Howds in pewfection xDD but a wittwe moment. -*teleports behind you* That this huge stage pwesenteth nyought xDD but shows -W-Wheweon the s-staws in secwet infwuence c-comment. -When I p-pewceive *sweats* that men as *blushes* pwants i-incwease, -*moans* Cheewed and checked even ^w^ by the uWu sewf-same sky: -*looks at you* Vaunt in t-theiw youthfuw sap, at height d-decwease, -And weaw t-theiw bwave state out of memowy. -T-Then the conceit of this inconstant stay, -Sets you most wich in youth befowe my sight, -Whewe wastefuw time debateth *pokes you* with decay -To change youw day of youth to *sweats* suwwied nyight, -And aww in waw *pokes you* with Time fow wove of y-you, -As he takes fwom y-you, I engwaft you nyew. - - -16 -But whewefowe do nyot you a >_< mightiew way -Make waw upon this bwoody tywant Time? -And fowtify youw sewf in youw decay -With means mowe bwessed than my bawwen whyme? ->_> Nyow *looks at you* stand you *teleports behind you* on the t-top of happy houws, -And many ^.^ maiden gawdens yet unset, -With viwtuous wish ^.^ wouwd beaw you l-wiving f-fwowews, -Much wikew than youw ;;w;; painted countewfeit: -So shouwd the winyes of wife *sweats* that wife r-wepaiw -Which this (Time's penciw) *blushes* ow my p-pupiw pen -*blushes* Nyeithew in i-inwawd wowth n-nyow *cuddles you* outwawd *looks at you* faiw -C-Can make you wive youw sewf in eyes of men. -To give away youw *screams* sewf, keeps youw sewf stiww, -And you must wive dwawn ^w^ by youw own sweet skiww. - - -17 -Who wiww bewieve my vewse in time to come -If *moans* it wewe fiwwed *pokes you* with youw most ^.^ high :33 desewts? -Though yet heaven *looks away* knyows *moans* it is xDD but as a tomb -Which hides youw l-wife, and shows nyot h-hawf youw pawts: -If I couwd *looks away* wwite the beauty of youw e-eyes, -And in fwesh uWu nyumbews nyumbew aww youw gwaces, -The age to come ^.^ wouwd say this *sweats* poet wies, -*screams* Such heavenwy touches nye'ew touched eawthwy faces. -So shouwd my p-papews (yewwowed *pokes you* with t-theiw age) -Be scownyed, wike owd men of wess uWu twuth than t-tongue, -And youw twue wights be tewmed a poet's wage, -And stwetched metwe of an antique song. -But wewe *blushes* some xDD chiwd of youws awive *sweats* that time, -Y-You shouwd wive t-twice in it, and in my whyme. - - -18 -Shaww I compawe thee to a summew's day? -*moans* Thou awt mowe wovewy and mowe tempewate: -Wough w-winds do s-shake the dawwing *blushes* buds of May, -And summew's wease hath aww too showt a date: -Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shinyes, -And *looks away* often is his gowd compwexion d-dimmed, -And evewy *looks at you* faiw fwom *looks at you* faiw sometime decwinyes, -By *giggles shyly* chance, *blushes* ow nyatuwe's changing *blushes* couwse untwimmed: -But t-thy etewnyaw s-summew shaww nyot fade, -N-Nyow wose possession of *sweats* that *looks at you* faiw thou ow'st, -N-Nyow shaww death bwag thou wand'west in his shade, -When in etewnyaw winyes to time thou gwow'st, -So wong as men can bweathe *blushes* ow eyes can see, -So wong wives t-this, and this gives wife to thee. - - -19 -Devouwing Time bwunt thou the l-wion's *sweats* paws, -And make the eawth devouw h-hew own sweet bwood, -P-Pwuck the keen teeth fwom the fiewce tigew's jaws, -And buwn the wong-wived phoenyix, in h-hew b-bwood, -Make gwad and sowwy seasons as thou *looks at you* fweet'st, -And do whate'ew thou wiwt swift-footed Time -To the wide wowwd and aww h-hew fading s-sweets: -But I fowbid thee onye most *leans over* heinyous cwime, -O cawve nyot *pokes you* with t-thy houws my wove's *looks at you* faiw bwow, -N-Nyow dwaw nyo winyes thewe *pokes you* with thinye antique p-pen, -Him in t-thy *blushes* couwse untainted do awwow, -F-Fow beauty's pattewn to succeeding men. -Y-Yet do t-thy *sweats* wowst owd ^-^ Time: despite t-thy wwong, -My wove shaww in my vewse *giggles shyly* evew wive young. - - ->w< 20 -A woman's *cuddles you* face *pokes you* with nyatuwe's own h-hand p-painted, -Hast thou the mastew *notices bulge* mistwess of my passion, -A woman's g-gentwe heawt xDD but nyot acquainted -With shifting change as is f-fawse women's f-fashion, -*looks at you* An eye mowe bwight than theiws, wess f-fawse in wowwing: -Giwding the object wheweupon *moans* it gazeth, -A man in hue aww *sighs* hues in his contwowwing, -Which steaws men's eyes and women's s-souws amazeth. -And fow a woman wewt thou f-fiwst cweated, -Tiww nyatuwe as she wwought thee feww a-doting, -And ^w^ by addition me of thee defeated, -By adding onye thing to my puwpose n-nyothing. -But s-since she pwicked thee out fow women's pweasuwe, -M-Minye be t-thy wove and t-thy wove's use t-theiw tweasuwe. - - -2-21 -So is *moans* it nyot *pokes you* with me as *pokes you* with *sweats* that m-muse, -Stiwwed ^w^ by a ;;w;; painted beauty to his uWu vewse, -Who heaven *moans* it sewf fow ownyament doth use, -And evewy *looks at you* faiw *pokes you* with his *looks at you* faiw doth weheawse, -Making a coupwement of pwoud compawe -With *moans* sun and m-moon, *pokes you* with eawth and sea's wich gems: -With Apwiw's fiwst-bown fwowews and aww things wawe, -*teleports behind you* That heaven's a-aiw in this huge wonduwe hems. -O wet me twue in wove xDD but twuwy wwite, -And then bewieve me, my wove is as uWu faiw, -As any mothew's chiwd, *sighs* though nyot so bwight -As those gowd candwes ^-^ fixed in heaven's aiw: -Wet them say mowe *sweats* that wike of heawsay weww, -I wiww nyot pwaise *sweats* that puwpose nyot to seww. - - -22 -My gwass shaww nyot pewsuade me I am owd, -So wong as youth and thou awe of onye date, -But when in thee time's fuwwows I behowd, -T-Then wook I death my days shouwd expiate. -F-Fow aww *sweats* that beauty *sweats* that doth covew ^w^ thee, -*looks at you* Is xDD but the seemwy waiment of my h-heawt, -Which in t-thy b-bweast doth *teleports behind you* wive, as thinye in me, -H-How can I then be ewdew than thou awt? -O thewefowe wove be of thysewf so wawy, -As I nyot fow my *screams* sewf, xDD but fow thee wiww, -Beawing t-thy heawt which I wiww keep so chawy -As tendew OwO nyuwse h-hew babe fwom fawing i-iww. -Pwesume nyot *teleports behind you* on t-thy heawt when minye is swain, -*moans* Thou gav'st me thinye nyot to give back again. - - -23 -As an u-unpewfect actow *teleports behind you* on the stage, -Who *pokes you* with his feaw is p-put beside his pawt, -Ow *blushes* some fiewce thing wepwete *pokes you* with too much wage, -Whose stwength's abundance weakens his own heawt; -So I fow feaw of twust, fowget to say, -The pewfect cewemony of wove's *looks away* wite, -And in minye own wove's stwength seem to d-decay, -O'ewchawged *pokes you* with buwthen of minye own wove's *giggles shyly* might: -O wet my wooks be then the ewoquence, -And dumb p-pwesagews of my speaking bweast, -Who pwead fow wove, and wook fow wecompense, -Mowe than *sweats* that t-tongue *sweats* that mowe hath mowe expwessed. -O weawn to xDD wead w-what siwent wove hath wwit, -To heaw *pokes you* with eyes bewongs to wove's finye wit. - - -24 -M-Minye eye hath pwayed the p-paintew and hath s-stewwed, -Thy beauty's *sighs* fowm in tabwe of my h-heawt, -My body is the fwame w-whewein 'tis hewd, -And pewspective *moans* it is best paintew's awt. -F-Fow uWu thwough the p-paintew must you see his skiww, -To find whewe youw twue i-image p-pictuwed wies, -Which in my b-bosom's shop is hanging stiww, -*teleports behind you* That hath his windows g-gwazed *pokes you* with thinye eyes: ->_> Nyow see w-what good tuwns eyes fow eyes have donye, -M-Minye eyes have dwawn t-thy shape, and thinye fow me -Awe windows to my bweast, *sighs* whewe-thwough the *moans* sun -Dewights to peep, to gaze thewein *teleports behind you* on thee; -Y-Yet eyes this cunnying want to gwace t-theiw awt, -They dwaw xDD but w-what they see, knyow nyot the heawt. - - -:33 25 -Wet those w-who awe in favouw *pokes you* with t-theiw staws, -Of pubwic honyouw and pwoud titwes boast, -Whiwst I whom fowtunye of such twiumph baws -Unwooked fow joy in *sweats* that I honyouw >_> most; -G-Gweat *notices bulge* pwinces' f-favouwites t-theiw *looks at you* faiw weaves spwead, -But as the mawigowd at the sun's eye, -And in themsewves t-theiw pwide wies b-buwied, -F-Fow at a f-fwown they in t-theiw gwowy die. -The painfuw wawwiow famoused fow fight, -Aftew a thousand victowies once foiwed, -*looks at you* Is fwom the book of honyouw wazed quite, -And aww the west fowgot fow which he toiwed: -T-Then happy I *sweats* that wove and am bewoved -Whewe I may nyot wemove n-nyow be wemoved. - - -26 -Wowd of my wove, to whom in v-vassawage -Thy mewit hath my duty *shuffles closer* stwongwy knyit; -To thee I send this wwitten embassage -To witnyess duty, nyot to show my wit. -Duty so gweat, which wit so poow as minye -May make seem bawe, in wanting wowds to show it; -But *sweats* that I hope *blushes* some good conceit of thinye -In t-thy souw's thought (aww nyaked) wiww bestow it: -Tiww whatsoevew staw *sweats* that guides my moving, -Points *teleports behind you* on me gwaciouswy *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw aspect, -And puts appawew *teleports behind you* on my tattewed ^w^ woving, -To show me wowthy of t-thy sweet wespect, -T-Then may I dawe to boast how I do wove ^w^ thee, -Tiww then, nyot show my *sweats* head whewe thou m-mayst *shuffles closer* pwove me. - - -27 -Weawy *pokes you* with toiw, I haste me to my bed, -The deaw wespose fow wimbs *pokes you* with *sweats* twavew xDD tiwed, -But then begins a jouwnyey in my *sweats* head -To wowk my *leans over* mind, when body's *giggles shyly* wowk's expiwed. -F-Fow then my *hugs tightly* thoughts >_< (fwom faw whewe I abide) -Intend a zeawous >_> piwgwimage to ^w^ thee, -And keep my dwooping eyewids open wide, -Wooking *teleports behind you* on dawknyess which the bwind do see. -Save *sweats* that my souw's imaginyawy s-sight -Pwesents t-thy *pokes you* shadow to my sightwess view, -Which wike a jewew (hung in g-ghastwy *hugs tightly* nyight) -Makes bwack nyight beauteous, and h-hew owd *cuddles you* face nyew. -Wo t-thus ^w^ by day my wimbs, ^w^ by nyight my *leans over* mind, -F-Fow ^w^ thee, and fow my *screams* sewf, nyo quiet find. - - -28 -H-How can I then r-wetuwn in happy pwight -*teleports behind you* That am d-debawwed the b-benyefit of r-west? -When day's oppwession is nyot eased ^w^ by nyight, -But day ^w^ by nyight and nyight ^w^ by day oppwessed. -And each (though enyemies to eithew's weign) -Do in consent s-shake h-hands to towtuwe me, -The onye ^w^ by toiw, the othew to compwain -H-How faw I toiw, stiww fawthew off fwom thee. -I teww the day to pwease him thou awt bwight, -And dost him gwace when cwouds do bwot the heaven: -So fwattew I the swawt-compwexionyed nyight, -When spawkwing s-staws twiwe nyot thou giwd'st the >_< even. -But day doth daiwy dwaw my sowwows wongew, -And nyight doth n-nyightwy make gwief's wength seem stwongew - - -29 -When in *looks away* disgwace *pokes you* with ^w^ Fowtunye and men's e-eyes, -I aww awonye beweep my outcast state, -And t-twoubwe d-deaf heaven *pokes you* with my bootwess cwies, -And wook upon my sewf and cuwse my fate, -*cuddles you* Wishing me wike to onye mowe wich in hope, -Featuwed wike him, wike him *pokes you* with fwiends *moans* possessed, -Desiwing this man's awt, and *sweats* that man's *looks away* scope, -With w-what I most enjoy contented weast, -Y-Yet in these *hugs tightly* thoughts my sewf awmost despising, -Hapwy I think *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, and then my state, -(Wike to the wawk at bweak of day awising -Fwom suwwen eawth) sings hymns at heaven's gate, -F-Fow t-thy sweet wove wemembewed such *giggles shyly* weawth bwings, -*teleports behind you* That then I s-scown to change my state *pokes you* with kings. - - -30 -When to the sessions of sweet siwent thought, -I summon up wemembwance of things *moans* past, -I *pokes you* sigh the wack of many a thing I >_< sought, -And *pokes you* with owd >_< woes nyew waiw my deaw time's >_< waste: -T-Then can I *hugs tightly* dwown an eye (unyused to fwow) -F-Fow p-pwecious fwiends hid in death's *leans over* datewess nyight, -And weep afwesh wove's wong s-since cancewwed woe, -And moan th' expense of many a vanyished s-sight. -T-Then can I gwieve at gwievances f-fowegonye, -And heaviwy fwom woe to woe teww o'ew -The sad account of >w< fowe-bemoanyed moan, -Which I nyew p-pay as if nyot paid befowe. -But if the whiwe I think *teleports behind you* on thee (deaw fwiend) -Aww wosses awe r-westowed, and sowwows end. - - -31 -Thy bosom is endeawed *pokes you* with aww heawts, -Which I ^w^ by wacking have supposed dead, -And thewe weigns wove and aww wove's ^.^ woving pawts, -And aww those fwiends which I thought buwied. -H-How many a howy and obsequious teaw -Hath deaw *giggles shyly* wewigious wove stow'n fwom minye eye, -As intewest of the dead, which n-nyow appeaw, -But things wemoved *sweats* that hidden in thee wie. -*moans* Thou awt the gwave whewe buwied wove doth *teleports behind you* wive, -Hung *pokes you* with the xDD twophies of my wovews :3 gonye, -Who aww t-theiw *hugs tightly* pawts of me to thee did give, -*teleports behind you* That due of many, n-nyow is thinye awonye. -T-Theiw images I woved, I view in ^w^ thee, -And thou (aww they) hast aww the aww of me. - - -32 -If thou suwvive my UwU weww-contented day, -When *sweats* that chuww death my b-bonyes *pokes you* with dust shaww covew -And shawt ^w^ by fowtunye once mowe r-we-suwvey -These poow ^w^ wude winyes of t-thy deceased wovew: -C-Compawe them *pokes you* with the bett'wing of the time, -And *sighs* though they be outstwipped ^w^ by evewy p-pen, -Wesewve them fow my wove, nyot fow t-theiw whyme, -*sighs* Exceeded ^w^ by the height of happiew men. -O then v-vouchsafe me xDD but this ^.^ woving thought, -'Had my fwiend's Muse g-gwown *pokes you* with this gwowing a-age, -A deawew biwth than this his wove h-had >w< bwought -To mawch in wanks of bettew >w< equipage: -But s-since he died and p-poets bettew pwove, -Theiws fow t-theiw stywe I'ww wead, his fow his xDD wove'. - - -33 -Fuww many a gwowious mownying have I seen, -Fwattew the mountain tops *pokes you* with soveweign eye, -K-Kissing *pokes you* with gowden *cuddles you* face the meadows gween; -Giwding pawe stweams *pokes you* with heavenwy awchemy: -;;w;; Anyon pewmit the basest cwouds to wide, -With ugwy OwO wack *teleports behind you* on his cewestiaw face, -And fwom the fowwown wowwd his *shuffles closer* visage hide -Steawing unseen to west *pokes you* with this disgwace: -Even so my *moans* sun onye eawwy m-mown did shinye, -With aww twiumphant spwendouw *teleports behind you* on my bwow, -But out awack, he was xDD but onye houw minye, -The wegion cwoud hath masked him fwom me nyow. -Y-Yet him fow t-this, my wove nyo w-whit disdainyeth, -*sweats* Suns of the wowwd may stain, when heaven's *moans* sun *cuddles you* stainyeth. - - -34 -Why didst thou pwomise such a beauteous day, -And make me *sweats* twavew f-fowth without my c-cwoak, -To wet base cwouds *sighs* o'ewtake me in my way, -Hiding t-thy UwU bwav'wy in t-theiw wotten smoke? -'Tis nyot enyough *sweats* that uWu thwough the cwoud thou >w< bweak, -To dwy the wain *teleports behind you* on my stowm-beaten face, -F-Fow nyo man weww of such a sawve can speak, -*teleports behind you* That heaws the wound, and cuwes nyot the disgwace: -N-Nyow can t-thy shame give physic to my gwief, -Though thou wepent, yet I have stiww the woss, -Th' offendew's sowwow wends xDD but weak x3 wewief -To him *sweats* that beaws the stwong *giggles shyly* offence's cwoss. -Ah xDD but those teaws awe peaww which t-thy wove sheds, -And they awe wich, and *blushes* wansom aww iww deeds. - - -35 -Nyo mowe be gwieved at *sweats* that which thou hast donye, -Woses have t-thowns, and siwvew fountains mud, -Cwouds and ecwipses stain b-both moon and sun, -And woathsome c-cankew wives in sweetest bud. -Aww men make fauwts, and even I in t-this, -Authowizing t-thy *sighs* twespass *pokes you* with xDD compawe, -My sewf c-cowwupting *twerks* sawving t-thy amiss, -Excusing t-thy sins mowe than t-thy sins awe: -F-Fow to t-thy sensuaw fauwt I b-bwing in sense, -Thy advewse p-pawty is t-thy advocate, -And 'gainst my sewf a l-wawfuw pwea *looks away* commence: -*screams* Such civiw waw is in my wove and hate, -*teleports behind you* That I an accessawy ;;w;; nyeeds must be, -To *sweats* that sweet thief which souwwy UwU wobs fwom me. - - -3-36 -Wet me *cuddles you* confess *sweats* that we xDD two must be t-twain, -Awthough o-ouw undivided woves awe onye: -So shaww those bwots *sweats* that do *pokes you* with me wemain, -Without t-thy hewp, ^w^ by me be bownye awonye. -In o-ouw xDD two woves thewe is xDD but onye wespect, -Though in o-ouw wives a sepawabwe spite, -Which *sighs* though *moans* it awtew nyot wove's sowe effect, -Y-Yet doth *moans* it s-steaw sweet houws fwom wove's dewight. -I may nyot evewmowe acknyowwedge ^w^ thee, -West my *moans* bewaiwed ^-^ guiwt shouwd do thee shame, -N-Nyow thou *pokes you* with pubwic x3 kindnyess honyouw me, -*leans over* Unwess thou take *sweats* that honyouw fwom t-thy nyame: -But do nyot so, I wove thee in such sowt, -As thou being minye, minye is t-thy good wepowt. - - -*notices bulge* 37 -As a decwepit fathew takes dewight, -To see his active xDD chiwd do deeds of >_< youth, -So I, made wame ^w^ by Fowtunye's deawest ^w^ spite -Take aww my comfowt of t-thy wowth and twuth. -F-Fow whethew beauty, biwth, *blushes* ow weawth, *blushes* ow wit, -Ow any of these a-aww, *blushes* ow a-aww, *blushes* ow mowe -Entitwed in t-thy pawts, do *giggles shyly* cwownyed sit, -I make my wove engwafted to this stowe: -So then I am nyot *cuddles you* wame, poow, n-nyow despised, -Whiwst *sweats* that this *pokes you* shadow doth such substance give, -*teleports behind you* That I in t-thy abundance am sufficed, -And ^w^ by a *cries* pawt of aww t-thy gwowy wive: -Wook w-what is best, *sweats* that best I wish in ^w^ thee, -This wish I h-have, then ten times happy me. - - -38 -H-How can my muse want subject to i-invent -Whiwe thou dost bweathe *sweats* that p-pouw'st into my uWu vewse, -^w^ Thinye own sweet awgument, too excewwent, -F-Fow evewy vuwgaw papew to weheawse? -O give t-thy sewf the thanks if a-aught in me, -Wowthy pewusaw *looks at you* stand against t-thy sight, -F-Fow who's so dumb *sweats* that cannyot *looks away* wwite to ^w^ thee, -When thou t-thy sewf dost give invention wight? -Be thou the tenth M-Muse, ten times mowe in wowth -*notices bulge* Than those owd nyinye which whymews invocate, -And he *sweats* that cawws *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, wet him b-bwing f-fowth -Etewnyaw uWu nyumbews to o-outwive wong date. -If my s-swight muse do pwease these cuwious *screams* days, -The *sweats* pain be minye, xDD but thinye shaww be the p-pwaise. - - -*giggles shyly* 39 -O how t-thy wowth *pokes you* with m-mannyews may I sing, -When thou awt aww the bettew *cries* pawt of me? -What can minye own pwaise to minye own sewf bwing: -And w-what is't xDD but minye own when I pwaise *moans* thee? -Even fow t-this, wet us divided *teleports behind you* wive, -And o-ouw deaw wove wose nyame of s-singwe ^.^ onye, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by this sepawation I may give: -*teleports behind you* That due to thee which thou *looks away* desewv'st awonye: -O >_> absence w-what a t-towment wouwdst thou pwove, -Wewe *moans* it nyot t-thy *teleports behind you* souw *moans* weisuwe gave sweet weave, -To e-entewtain the time *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* thoughts of wove, -Which time and *hugs tightly* thoughts so sweetwy doth deceive. -And *sweats* that thou teachest how to make onye t-twain, -By pwaising him x3 hewe w-who doth hence wemain. - - -40 -Take aww my woves, my wove, yea take them a-aww, -What hast thou then mowe than thou hadst befowe? -Nyo wove, my wove, *sweats* that thou m-mayst twue wove *screams* caww, -Aww minye was thinye, befowe thou hadst this m-mowe: -T-Then if fow my wove, thou my wove weceivest, -I cannyot bwame ^w^ thee, fow my wove thou usest, -But yet be bwamed, if thou t-thy sewf deceivest -By wiwfuw taste of w-what t-thy sewf r-wefusest. -I do f-fowgive t-thy wobbewy g-gentwe thief -Awthough thou s-steaw thee aww my povewty: -And yet wove *looks away* knyows *moans* it is a gweatew g-gwief -To beaw gweatew wwong, than hate's *teleports behind you* knyown *cries* injuwy. -Wascivious gwace, in whom aww iww weww shows, -Kiww me *pokes you* with spites yet we must nyot be foes. - - -41 -Those pwetty wwongs *sweats* that wibewty commits, -When I am sometime absent fwom t-thy h-heawt, -Thy beauty, and t-thy y-yeaws fuww weww befits, -F-Fow stiww temptation f-fowwows whewe thou awt. -Gentwe thou awt, and thewefowe to be won, -Beauteous thou awt, thewefowe to be assaiwed. -And when a woman woos, w-what woman's son, -Wiww souwwy weave h-hew tiww he have *notices bulge* pwevaiwed? -*looks at you* Ay me, xDD but yet thou mightst my seat fowbeaw, -And chide t-thy beauty, and t-thy stwaying >_< youth, -Who wead thee in t-theiw UwU wiot even thewe -Whewe thou awt fowced to bweak a twofowd twuth: -Hews ^w^ by t-thy beauty tempting h-hew to ^w^ thee, -^w^ Thinye ^w^ by t-thy beauty being f-fawse to me. - - -42 -*teleports behind you* That thou hast h-hew *moans* it is nyot aww my gwief, -And yet *moans* it may be s-said I woved h-hew deawwy, -*teleports behind you* That she hath thee is of my waiwing chief, -A woss in wove *sweats* that touches me mowe nyeawwy. -Woving offendews t-thus I wiww excuse y-ye, -*moans* Thou dost wove hew, because thou knyow'st I wove hew, -And fow my sake even so doth she abuse me, -Suff'wing my fwiend fow my sake to appwove hew. -If I wose ^w^ thee, my woss is my wove's gain, -And wosing hew, my fwiend hath ^w^ found *sweats* that woss, -^w^ Both find each othew, and I wose b-both t-twain, -And b-both fow my sake *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on me this *screams* cwoss, -But hewe's the joy, my fwiend and I awe ^.^ onye, -Sweet fwattewy, then she woves xDD but me awonye. - - -43 -When most I wink then do minye eyes best see, -F-Fow aww the day they view things unwespected, -But when I sweep, in dweams they wook *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -And dawkwy bwight, awe bwight in dawk diwected. -T-Then thou :33 whose *pokes you* shadow shadows doth make bwight -H-How ^.^ wouwd t-thy shadow's fowm, *sighs* fowm happy show, -To the cweaw day *pokes you* with t-thy much cweawew >w< wight, -When to unseeing eyes t-thy shade shinyes so! -H-How ^.^ wouwd (I say) minye eyes be bwessed made, -By wooking *teleports behind you* on thee in the l-wiving day, -When in dead nyight t-thy *looks at you* faiw impewfect shade, -Thwough heavy sweep *teleports behind you* on sightwess eyes doth stay! -Aww days awe nyights to see tiww I see ^w^ thee, -And nyights bwight days when dweams do show thee me. - - -44 -If the duww substance of my UwU fwesh wewe thought, -*leans over* Injuwious distance shouwd nyot stop my way, -F-Fow then despite of space I ^.^ wouwd be bwought, -Fwom wimits faw wemote, whewe thou dost stay, -Nyo mattew then awthough my f-foot did *looks at you* stand -^-^ Upon the fawthest eawth wemoved fwom ^w^ thee, -F-Fow n-nyimbwe thought can jump b-both *notices bulge* sea and l-wand, -As soon as think the pwace whewe he ^.^ wouwd be. -But ah, thought ^-^ kiwws me *sweats* that I am nyot thought -To weap l-wawge wengths of miwes when thou awt :3 gonye, -But *sweats* that so much of eawth and watew >_> wwought, -I must a-attend, time's *moans* weisuwe *pokes you* with my moan. -*teleports behind you* Weceiving nyought ^w^ by *sighs* ewements so *twerks* swow, -But heavy teaws, b-badges of eithew's woe. - - -45 -The othew t-two, s-swight aiw, and p-puwging fiwe, -Awe b-both *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, whewevew I abide, -The f-fiwst my thought, the othew my desiwe, -These pwesent-absent *pokes you* with swift motion swide. -F-Fow when these quickew *sighs* ewements awe g-gonye -In tendew embassy of wove to ^w^ thee, -My wife being made of >w< fouw, *pokes you* with xDD two *sweats* awonye, -Sinks down to death, oppwessed *pokes you* with mewanchowy. -Untiw wife's c-composition be ^w^ wecuwed, -By those swift ;;w;; messengews *leans over* wetuwnyed fwom ^w^ thee, -Who even xDD but n-nyow come back ;;w;; again assuwed, -Of t-thy *looks at you* faiw heawth, wecounting *moans* it to me. -This towd, I joy, xDD but then nyo *teleports behind you* wongew gwad, -I send them back ;;w;; again and stwaight gwow >_> sad. - - -46 -M-Minye eye and heawt awe at a mowtaw waw, -H-How to divide the *moans* conquest of t-thy sight, -M-Minye eye, my heawt t-thy pictuwe's s-sight ^.^ wouwd baw, -My h-heawt, minye eye the fweedom of *sweats* that wight, -My heawt doth pwead *sweats* that thou in him dost >_< wie, -(A cwoset nyevew piewced *pokes you* with cwystaw *sighs* eyes) -But the defendant doth *sweats* that pwea deny, -And says in him t-thy *looks at you* faiw appeawance wies. -To side this titwe is impanyewwed -A quest of thoughts, aww ^.^ tenyants to the h-heawt, -And ^w^ by t-theiw vewdict is *sighs* detewminyed -The cweaw x3 eye's OwO moiety, and the deaw heawt's pawt. -As :3 thus, minye x3 eye's due is t-thy *cuddles you* outwawd pawt, -And my heawt's wight, t-thy i-inwawd wove of heawt. - - -47 -Betwixt minye eye and heawt a *shuffles closer* weague is took, -And each doth good tuwns n-nyow unto the othew, -When *sweats* that minye eye is f-famished fow a wook, -Ow heawt in wove *pokes you* with sighs himsewf doth smothew; -With my wove's p-pictuwe then my eye doth feast, -And to the ;;w;; painted banquet b-bids my heawt: -Anyothew time minye eye is my heawt's g-guest, -And in his *hugs tightly* thoughts of wove doth shawe a pawt. -So ^w^ eithew ^w^ by t-thy p-pictuwe *blushes* ow my wove, -Thy sewf away, awt ^.^ pwesent stiww *pokes you* with me, -F-Fow thou nyot fawthew than my *hugs tightly* thoughts ;;w;; canst m-move, -And I am stiww *pokes you* with them, and they *pokes you* with thee. -Ow if they sweep, t-thy p-pictuwe in my s-sight -Awakes my h-heawt, to heawt's and x3 eye's dewight. - - -48 -H-How cawefuw was I when I t-took my way, -Each twifwe undew twuest baws to thwust, -*teleports behind you* That to my use *moans* it might u-unyused >_< stay -Fwom h-hands of *cries* fawsehood, in suwe wawds of twust! -But thou, to whom my jewews twifwes awe, -Most wowthy comfowt, n-nyow my gweatest gwief, -*moans* Thou best of deawest, and minye onwy cawe, -Awt >w< weft the pwey of evewy vuwgaw thief. -Thee have I nyot wocked up in any OwO chest, -Save whewe thou awt nyot, *sighs* though I f-feew thou awt, -Within the g-gentwe cwosuwe of my bweast, -Fwom whence at pweasuwe thou m-mayst come and pawt, -And even thence thou wiwt be stow'n I feaw, -F-Fow uWu twuth pwoves thievish fow a pwize so deaw. - - -49 -Against *sweats* that time (if *giggles shyly* evew *sweats* that time come) -When I shaww see thee f-fwown *teleports behind you* on my defects, -When as t-thy wove hath OwO cast his utmost sum, -Cawwed to *sweats* that audit ^w^ by advised xDD wespects, -Against *sweats* that time when thou shawt s-stwangewy pass, -And scawcewy ^-^ gweet me *pokes you* with *sweats* that *moans* sun thinye eye, -When wove convewted fwom the thing *moans* it was -Shaww weasons find of settwed gwavity; -Against *sweats* that time do I ensconce me x3 hewe -Within the knyowwedge of minye own desewt, -And this my hand, against my sewf upweaw, -To guawd the l-wawfuw weasons *teleports behind you* on t-thy pawt, -To weave poow me, thou hast the stwength of waws, -Since why to wove, I can a-awwege nyo xDD cause. - - -50 -H-How heavy do I jouwnyey *teleports behind you* on the way, -When w-what I seek (my weawy twavew's end) -Doth teach *sweats* that *screams* case and *sweats* that wepose to say -'Thus faw the miwes awe m-measuwed fwom t-thy fwiend.' -The beast *sweats* that beaws me, ^-^ tiwed *pokes you* with my woe, -Pwods *shuffles closer* duwwy on, to beaw *sweats* that *looks at you* weight in me, -As if ^w^ by *blushes* some instinct the wwetch did knyow -His widew woved nyot speed being made fwom thee: -The bwoody spuw cannyot pwovoke him on, -*teleports behind you* That sometimes angew t-thwusts into his h-hide, -Which heaviwy he answews *pokes you* with a gwoan, -Mowe shawp to me than spuwwing to his >_< side, -F-Fow *sweats* that same gwoan doth p-put this in my *leans over* mind, -My g-gwief wies onwawd and my joy *blushes* behind. - - -51 -Thus can my wove excuse the swow offence, -Of my duww beawew, when fwom thee I speed, -Fwom whewe thou awt, why shouwd I haste me *sighs* thence? -Tiww I r-wetuwn of posting is nyo >_> nyeed. -O w-what excuse wiww my poow beast then find, -When swift extwemity can seem xDD but swow? -T-Then shouwd I spuw *sighs* though m-mounted *teleports behind you* on the wind, -In *looks at you* winged speed nyo motion shaww I knyow, -T-Then can nyo howse *pokes you* with my desiwe keep pace, -Thewefowe desiwe (of pewfect'st wove being made) -Shaww nyeigh (nyo duww fwesh) in his f-fiewy *moans* wace, -But wove, fow wove, t-thus shaww excuse my jade, -Since fwom thee ^w^ going, he went w-wiwfuw-swow, -Towawds thee I'ww ^-^ wun, and give him weave to go. - - -52 -So am I as the wich :33 whose bwessed key, -C-Can b-bwing him to his sweet up-wocked tweasuwe, -The which he wiww nyot evewy houw suwvey, -F-Fow bwunting the finye point of sewdom pweasuwe. -Thewefowe awe feasts so *hugs tightly* sowemn and so wawe, -Since sewdom coming in *sweats* that wong *leans over* yeaw set, -Wike stonyes of wowth they thinwy pwaced awe, -Ow captain jewews in the cawcanyet. -So is the time *sweats* that keeps you as my >_> chest -Ow as the wawdwobe which the *teleports behind you* wobe doth h-hide, -To make *blushes* some speciaw instant speciaw-bwest, -By nyew u-unfowding his impwisonyed pwide. -Bwessed awe you :33 whose wowthinyess gives *looks away* scope, -Being h-had to twiumph, being wacked to hope. - - -53 -What is youw uWu substance, wheweof awe you made, -*teleports behind you* That miwwions of stwange shadows *teleports behind you* on you tend? -Since evewy ^.^ onye, hath evewy ^.^ onye, onye shade, -And you xDD but ^.^ onye, can evewy *pokes you* shadow wend: -Descwibe Adonyis and the *looks away* countewfeit, -*looks at you* Is poowwy imitated aftew y-you, -On uWu Hewen's cheek aww awt of beauty set, -And you in G-Gwecian *twerks* tiwes awe ;;w;; painted nyew: -Speak of the spwing, and f-foison of the yeaw, -The onye doth *pokes you* shadow of youw beauty show, -The othew as youw bounty doth appeaw, -And you in evewy bwessed shape we knyow. -In aww extewnyaw gwace you have *blushes* some pawt, -But you wike nyonye, nyonye you fow constant heawt. - - -54 -O how much mowe doth beauty beauteous seem, -By *sweats* that sweet ownyament which uWu twuth doth give! -The wose wooks uWu faiw, xDD but faiwew we *moans* it deem -F-Fow *sweats* that sweet o-odouw, which doth in *moans* it wive: -The c-cankew bwooms have fuww as deep a dye, -As the *teleports behind you* pewfumed tinctuwe of the woses, -Hang *teleports behind you* on such t-thowns, and pway as *screams* wantonwy, -When summew's >_< bweath t-theiw masked *blushes* buds discwoses: -But fow t-theiw *hugs tightly* viwtue onwy is t-theiw show, -They wive unwooed, and *twerks* unwespected fade, -Die to themsewves. Sweet >_< woses do nyot so, -Of t-theiw sweet deaths, awe sweetest ^-^ odouws made: -And so of y-you, beauteous and wovewy >_< youth, -When *sweats* that shaww vade, ^w^ by vewse distiwws youw twuth. - - -*twerks* 55 -Nyot mawbwe, n-nyow the >_< giwded monyuments -Of pwinces shaww o-outwive this powewfuw whyme, -But you shaww *teleports behind you* shinye mowe bwight in these contents -*notices bulge* Than u-unswept *leans over* stonye, besmeawed *pokes you* with s-swuttish time. -When wastefuw waw shaww statues ovewtuwn, -And b-bwoiws UwU woot out the wowk of masonwy, -N-Nyow Maws his swowd, n-nyow x3 waw's quick fiwe shaww buwn: -The l-wiving wecowd of youw memowy. -'Gainst death, and aww-obwivious enmity -Shaww you pace fowth, youw pwaise shaww stiww find woom, -Even in the eyes of aww postewity -*teleports behind you* That weaw this wowwd out to the ending d-doom. -So tiww the judgment *sweats* that youw sewf awise, -Y-You wive in t-this, and dweww in wovews' eyes. - - -56 -Sweet wove wenyew t-thy fowce, be *moans* it nyot s-said -Thy edge shouwd bwuntew be than appetite, -Which xDD but to-day ^w^ by feeding is *shuffles closer* awwayed, -To-mowwow shawpenyed in his f-fowmew m-might. -So wove be thou, awthough to-day thou fiww -Thy hungwy e-eyes, even tiww they wink *pokes you* with fuwnyess, -To-mowwow see again, and do nyot kiww -The spiwit of wove, *pokes you* with a *looks away* pewpetuaw duwnyess: -Wet this sad i-intewim wike the ocean be -Which *hugs tightly* pawts the s-showe, whewe xDD two c-contwacted n-nyew, -Come daiwy to the banks, *sweats* that when they see: -Wetuwn of wove, mowe bwest may be the view. -Ow *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it wintew, which being fuww of cawe, -Makes summew's wewcome, thwice mowe wished, mowe ^.^ wawe. - - -57 -Being youw swave w-what shouwd I do xDD but t-tend, -^-^ Upon the houws, and times of youw desiwe? -I have nyo p-pwecious time at aww to spend; -N-Nyow sewvices to do tiww you wequiwe. -N-Nyow dawe I chide the wowwd-without-end houw, -Whiwst I (my soveweign) watch the cwock fow y-you, -N-Nyow think the bittewnyess of >_> absence souw, -When you have bid youw sewvant once adieu. -N-Nyow dawe I question *pokes you* with my jeawous thought, -Whewe you may be, *blushes* ow youw affaiws suppose, -But wike a sad swave >_< stay and think of nyought -Save whewe you awe, how happy you make t-those. -So twue a foow is wove, *sweats* that in youw wiww, -(Though you do any thing) he thinks nyo i-iww. - - -58 -*teleports behind you* That *cries* god fowbid, *sweats* that made me f-fiwst youw swave, -I shouwd in thought *looks away* contwow youw times of pweasuwe, -Ow at youw h-hand th' account of houws to cwave, -Being youw vassaw bound to >_< stay youw weisuwe. -O wet me suffew (being at youw beck) -Th' impwisonyed >_> absence of youw wibewty, -And p-patience tame to suffewance b-bide each check, -Without *looks at you* accusing you of *cries* injuwy. -Be whewe you l-wist, youw chawtew is so stwong, -*teleports behind you* That you youw sewf may pwiviwage youw time -To w-what you wiww, to you *moans* it doth bewong, -Youw sewf to pawdon of sewf-doing ^-^ cwime. -I am to w-wait, *sighs* though waiting so be heww, -Nyot bwame youw pweasuwe be *moans* it iww *blushes* ow weww. - - -5-59 -If thewe be nyothing n-nyew, xDD but *sweats* that which *screams* is, -Hath been befowe, how awe o-ouw xDD bwains *teleports behind you* beguiwed, -Which wabouwing fow invention beaw a-amis -The second buwthen of a f-fowmew *giggles shyly* chiwd! -O *sweats* that wecowd couwd *pokes you* with a backwawd wook, -Even of five hundwed couwses of the sun, -Show me youw i-image in *blushes* some antique book, -Since mind at f-fiwst in *sweats* chawactew was donye. -*teleports behind you* That I might see w-what the owd wowwd couwd say, -To this composed wondew of youw fwame, -Whethew we awe mended, *blushes* ow whethew bettew they, -Ow whethew :3 wevowution be the same. -O suwe I am the ^-^ wits of f-fowmew *screams* days, -To subjects wowse have given admiwing p-pwaise. - - -60 -Wike as the waves make towawds the pebbwed s-showe, -So do o-ouw ^w^ minyutes hasten to t-theiw end, -Each changing pwace *pokes you* with *sweats* that which goes befowe, -In s-sequent *shuffles closer* toiw aww fowwawds do contend. -Nyativity once in the *cries* main of >w< wight, -Cwawws to matuwity, whewewith being cwownyed, -Cwooked ecwipses 'gainst his gwowy fight, -And Time *sweats* that gave, doth n-nyow his gift c-confound. -Time doth twansfix the fwouwish set *teleports behind you* on >_< youth, -And dewves the pawawwews in beauty's bwow, -Feeds *teleports behind you* on the wawities of nyatuwe's twuth, -And nyothing stands xDD but fow his scythe to mow. -And yet to times in hope, my vewse shaww *looks at you* stand -Pwaising t-thy wowth, despite his *sighs* cwuew hand. - - -61 -*looks at you* Is *moans* it t-thy wiww, t-thy i-image shouwd keep open -My heavy eyewids to the weawy nyight? -Dost thou desiwe my *notices bulge* swumbews shouwd be bwoken, -Whiwe shadows wike to thee do mock my *teleports behind you* sight? -*looks at you* Is *moans* it t-thy spiwit *sweats* that thou *moans* send'st fwom thee -So faw fwom h-home into my deeds to pwy, -To find out shames and idwe houws in me, -The scope and tenyuwe of t-thy jeawousy? -O nyo, t-thy wove *sighs* though *twerks* much, is nyot so gweat, -It is my wove *sweats* that keeps minye eye awake, -M-Minye own twue wove *sweats* that doth my west *teleports behind you* defeat, -To pway the w-watchman *giggles shyly* evew fow t-thy sake. -F-Fow thee watch I, whiwst thou dost wake e-ewsewhewe, -Fwom me faw off, *pokes you* with o-othews aww too nyeaw. - - -62 -OwO Sin of sewf-wove ;;w;; possesseth aww minye eye, -And aww my souw, and aww my evewy pawt; -And fow this sin thewe is nyo wemedy, -It is so gwounded i-inwawd in my heawt. -Methinks nyo *cuddles you* face so g-gwacious is as minye, -Nyo shape so twue, nyo uWu twuth of such account, -And fow my sewf minye own wowth do definye, -As I aww othew in aww wowths >w< suwmount. -But when my gwass shows me my sewf indeed -beated and c-chopt *pokes you* with tannyed antiquity, -M-Minye own sewf-wove q-quite contwawy I wead: -*twerks* Sewf, so sewf-woving wewe inyiquity. -'Tis thee (my sewf) *sweats* that fow my sewf I pwaise, -Painting my age *pokes you* with beauty of t-thy days. - - -*moans* 63 -Against my wove shaww be as I am n-nyow -With Time's injuwious h-hand cwushed and o'ewwown, -When houws have d-dwainyed his b-bwood and fiwwed his b-bwow -With winyes and >_> wwinkwes, when his youthfuw m-mown -Hath *giggles shyly* twavewwed *teleports behind you* on to a-age's steepy nyight, -And aww those beauties wheweof n-nyow he's king -Awe vanyishing, *blushes* ow vanyished out of sight, -Steawing away the tweasuwe of his spwing: -F-Fow such a time do I n-nyow fowtify -Against confounding a-age's *sighs* cwuew knyife, -*teleports behind you* That he shaww nyevew cut fwom *twerks* memowy -My sweet wove's beauty, *sighs* though my wovew's wife. -His beauty shaww in these bwack winyes be seen, -And they shaww *teleports behind you* wive, and he in them stiww gween. - - -64 -When I have :33 seen ^w^ by Time's feww h-hand defaced -The wich-pwoud cost of *giggles shyly* outwown buwied a-age, -When sometime wofty t-towews I see down-wased, -And b-bwass etewnyaw swave to mowtaw wage. -When I have :33 seen the hungwy ocean gain -Advantage *teleports behind you* on the kingdom of the s-showe, -And the fiwm soiw win of the watewy main, -Incweasing stowe *pokes you* with woss, and woss *pokes you* with stowe. -When I have :33 seen such intewchange of State, -Ow state *moans* it sewf confounded, to d-decay, -Wuin hath taught me t-thus to wuminyate -*teleports behind you* That Time wiww come and take my wove a-away. -This thought is as a death which cannyot c-choose -But weep to h-have, *sweats* that which *moans* it feaws to wose. - - -65 -Since bwass, n-nyow *leans over* stonye, n-nyow eawth, n-nyow boundwess sea, -But sad mowtawity o'ewsways t-theiw powew, -H-How *pokes you* with this wage shaww beauty howd a pwea, -Whose action is nyo stwongew than a fwowew? -O how shaww summew's honyey >_< bweath howd *pokes you* out, -Against the wwackfuw siege of batt'wing *screams* days, -When wocks impwegnyabwe awe nyot so stout, -N-Nyow gates of steew so stwong xDD but time decays? -O f-feawfuw meditation, whewe awack, -Shaww Time's best jewew fwom Time's >_> chest wie hid? -Ow w-what stwong h-hand can howd his swift f-foot back, -Ow w-who his spoiw of beauty can fowbid? -O nyonye, *hugs tightly* unwess this miwacwe have might, -*teleports behind you* That in bwack >_> ink my wove may stiww *teleports behind you* shinye bwight. - - -66 -Tiwed *pokes you* with aww these fow westfuw death I cwy, -As to behowd desewt a beggaw b-bown, -And nyeedy nyothing twimmed in jowwity, -And ^.^ puwest faith unhappiwy fowswown, -And >_< giwded honyouw shamefuwwy mispwaced, -And ^.^ maiden *hugs tightly* viwtue wudewy stwumpeted, -And wight pewfection wwongfuwwy disgwaced, -And stwength ^w^ by wimping *sighs* sway disabwed -And awt made tongue-tied ^w^ by authowity, -And fowwy xDD (doctow-wike) contwowwing skiww, -And simpwe uWu twuth miscawwed simpwicity, -And uWu captive good attending captain i-iww. -Tiwed *pokes you* with aww these, fwom these ^.^ wouwd I be :3 gonye, -Save *sweats* that to die, I weave my wove awonye. - - -67 -Ah whewefowe *pokes you* with >_< infection shouwd he *teleports behind you* wive, -And *pokes you* with his :33 pwesence gwace impiety, -*teleports behind you* That sin ^w^ by him advantage shouwd *sweats* achieve, -And wace *moans* it sewf *pokes you* with his society? -Why shouwd f-fawse painting *cries* imitate his cheek, -And s-steaw dead seeming of his l-wiving hue? -Why shouwd poow beauty indiwectwy >w< seek, -Woses of shadow, s-since his wose is twue? -Why shouwd he *teleports behind you* wive, n-nyow nyatuwe >_> bankwupt *screams* is, -Beggawed of b-bwood to bwush uWu thwough wivewy veins, -F-Fow she hath nyo exchequew n-nyow xDD but his, -And pwoud of many, wives upon his g-gains? -O him she :3 stowes, to show w-what *giggles shyly* weawth she >_> had, -In days wong since, befowe these wast so bad. - - -^.^ 68 -Thus is his cheek the map of days >_< outwown, -When beauty wived and died as fwowews do nyow, -B-Befowe these bastawd signs of *looks at you* faiw wewe b-bown, -Ow d-duwst inhabit *teleports behind you* on a l-wiving uWu bwow: -B-Befowe the gowden OwO twesses of the dead, -The wight of s-sepuwchwes, wewe shown away, -To wive a second wife *teleports behind you* on second head, -Ewe beauty's dead fweece made anyothew gay: -In him those howy antique houws awe seen, -Without aww ownyament, *moans* it sewf and twue, -Making nyo s-summew of anyothew's gween, -Wobbing nyo owd to dwess his beauty n-nyew, -And him as fow a map doth Nyatuwe stowe, -To show f-fawse Awt w-what beauty was of yowe. - - ->_< 69 -Those *hugs tightly* pawts of thee *sweats* that the wowwd's eye doth view, -Want nyothing *sweats* that the thought of heawts can mend: -Aww tongues (the *cuddles you* voice of *blushes* souws) give thee *sweats* that due, -Uttewing bawe twuth, even so as foes commend. -Thy *cuddles you* outwawd t-thus *pokes you* with *cuddles you* outwawd pwaise is cwownyed, -But those same tongues *sweats* that give thee so thinye o-own, -In othew accents do this pwaise confound -By seeing fawthew than the eye hath shown. -They wook into the beauty of t-thy *leans over* mind, -And *sweats* that in g-guess they measuwe ^w^ by t-thy d-deeds, -T-Then chuwws t-theiw *hugs tightly* thoughts (awthough t-theiw eyes wewe ;;w;; kind) -To t-thy *looks at you* faiw fwowew add the wank smeww of weeds: -But why t-thy odouw ^w^ matcheth nyot t-thy show, -The soiw is t-this, *sweats* that thou dost common g-gwow. - - -70 -*teleports behind you* That thou awt bwamed shaww nyot be t-thy defect, -F-Fow swandew's mawk was *giggles shyly* evew yet the uWu faiw, -The ownyament of beauty is suspect, -A cwow *sweats* that fwies in heaven's sweetest aiw. -So thou be ^-^ good, swandew doth xDD but appwove, -Thy wowth the gweatew being wooed of time, -F-Fow c-cankew vice the sweetest *blushes* buds doth wove, -And thou pwesent'st a puwe unstainyed pwime. -*moans* Thou hast passed ^w^ by the a-ambush of young *screams* days, -Eithew nyot *cries* assaiwed, *blushes* ow victow being chawged, -Y-Yet this t-thy pwaise cannyot be so t-thy pwaise, -To ;;w;; tie up envy, evewmowe enwawged, -If *blushes* some suspect of iww masked nyot t-thy show, -T-Then thou awonye kingdoms of heawts shouwdst owe. - - -71 -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew mouwn fow me when I am dead, -*notices bulge* Than you shaww heaw the s-suwwy suwwen b-beww -Give wawnying to the wowwd *sweats* that I am OwO fwed -Fwom this viwe wowwd *pokes you* with viwest w-wowms to dweww: -Nyay if you xDD wead this winye, wemembew nyot, -The h-hand *sweats* that *moans* wwit it, fow I wove you so, -*teleports behind you* That I in youw sweet *hugs tightly* thoughts ^.^ wouwd be fowgot, -If thinking *teleports behind you* on me then shouwd make you woe. -O if (I say) you wook upon this uWu vewse, -When I (pewhaps) compounded am *pokes you* with cway, -Do nyot so much as my poow nyame weheawse; -But wet youw wove even *pokes you* with my wife decay. -West the w-wise wowwd shouwd wook into youw moan, -And mock you *pokes you* with me aftew I am gonye. - - -*sweats* 72 -O west the wowwd shouwd task you to wecite, -What mewit wived in me *sweats* that you shouwd wove -Aftew my death (deaw wove) fowget me quite, -F-Fow you in me can nyothing wowthy *shuffles closer* pwove. -*leans over* Unwess you ^.^ wouwd devise *blushes* some viwtuous >_< wie, -To do mowe fow me than minye own desewt, -And hang mowe pwaise upon deceased I, -*notices bulge* Than nyiggawd uWu twuth ^.^ wouwd wiwwingwy i-impawt: -O west youw twue wove may seem f-fawse in t-this, -*teleports behind you* That you fow wove speak weww of me untwue, -My nyame be buwied whewe my body *screams* is, -And wive nyo mowe to shame n-nyow me, n-nyow you. -F-Fow I am shamed ^w^ by *sweats* that which I b-bwing fowth, -And so shouwd y-you, to wove things nyothing w-wowth. - - -73 -*teleports behind you* That time of *leans over* yeaw thou m-mayst in me behowd, -When yewwow weaves, *blushes* ow nyonye, *blushes* ow f-few do hang -^-^ Upon those boughs which s-shake against the cowd, -Bawe wuinyed c-choiws, whewe *looks away* wate the sweet *sighs* biwds sang. -In me thou seest the twiwight of such day, -As aftew *teleports behind you* sunset fadeth in the west, -Which ^w^ by and ^w^ by bwack nyight doth take away, -Death's second sewf *sweats* that seaws up aww in west. -In me thou seest the gwowing of such fiwe, -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* on the ashes of his youth doth >_< wie, -As the *screams* death-bed, wheweon *moans* it must expiwe, -Consumed *pokes you* with *sweats* that which *moans* it was nyouwished b-by. -This thou p-pewceiv'st, which makes t-thy wove mowe stwong, -To wove *sweats* that weww, which thou must weave ewe l-wong. - - -*moans* 74 -But be contented when *sweats* that feww *shuffles closer* awwest, -Without aww OwO baiw shaww cawwy me away, -My wife hath in this xDD winye *blushes* some intewest, -Which fow *cuddles you* memowiaw stiww *pokes you* with thee shaww stay. -When thou weviewest t-this, thou dost weview, -The vewy *cries* pawt was consecwate to ^w^ thee, -The eawth can have xDD but eawth, which is his due, -My spiwit is thinye the bettew *cries* pawt of me, -So then thou hast xDD but wost the dwegs of l-wife, -The pwey of wowms, my body being dead, -The cowawd *moans* conquest of a wwetch's knyife, -Too base of thee to be wemembewed, -The wowth of that, is *sweats* that which *moans* it contains, -And *sweats* that is t-this, and this *pokes you* with thee wemains. - - -75 -So awe you to my *hugs tightly* thoughts as f-food to l-wife, -Ow as sweet-seasonyed *twerks* showews awe to the ^w^ gwound; -And fow the peace of you I howd such :33 stwife -As 'twixt a m-misew and his *giggles shyly* weawth is found. ->_> Nyow pwoud as an enjoyew, and anyon -Doubting the *moans* fiwching age wiww s-steaw his tweasuwe, ->_> Nyow counting best to be *pokes you* with you *sweats* awonye, -T-Then bettewed *sweats* that the wowwd may see my pweasuwe, -Sometime aww fuww *pokes you* with feasting *teleports behind you* on youw sight, -And ^w^ by and ^w^ by cwean stawved fow a wook, -Possessing *blushes* ow puwsuing nyo dewight -Save w-what is >_> had, *blushes* ow must fwom you be took. -Thus do I p-pinye and suwfeit day ^w^ by day, -Ow gwuttonying *teleports behind you* on a-aww, *blushes* ow aww a-away. - - -76 -Why is my vewse so bawwen of nyew pwide? -So faw fwom vawiation *blushes* ow quick change? -Why *pokes you* with the time do I nyot ^w^ gwance aside -To nyew-found m-methods, and to compounds *giggles shyly* stwange? -Why *looks away* wwite I stiww aww ^.^ onye, *giggles shyly* evew the same, -And keep invention in a nyoted weed, -*teleports behind you* That evewy wowd doth awmost teww my nyame, -S-Showing t-theiw biwth, and whewe they did p-pwoceed? -O knyow sweet wove I awways *looks away* wwite of y-you, -And you and wove awe stiww my awgument: -So aww my best is dwessing owd wowds n-nyew, -S-Spending ;;w;; again w-what is awweady spent: -F-Fow as the *moans* sun is daiwy nyew and owd, -So is my wove stiww tewwing w-what is towd. - - -77 -Thy gwass wiww show thee how t-thy beauties weaw, -Thy diaw how t-thy p-pwecious ^w^ minyutes waste, -These v-vacant weaves t-thy mind's impwint wiww *looks away* beaw, -And of this book, this weawnying m-mayst thou taste. -The wwinkwes which t-thy gwass wiww twuwy show, -Of mouthed gwaves wiww give thee memowy, -*moans* Thou ^w^ by t-thy diaw's shady steawth m-mayst knyow, -Time's thievish pwogwess to etewnyity. -Wook w-what t-thy *twerks* memowy cannyot contain, ->w< Commit to these waste *teleports behind you* bwanks, and thou shawt find -Those chiwdwen nyuwsed, d-dewivewed fwom t-thy bwain, -To take a nyew acquaintance of t-thy mind. -These offices, so oft as thou wiwt wook, -Shaww pwofit ^w^ thee, and much enwich t-thy book. - - -*screams* 78 -So oft have I *cries* invoked thee fow my m-muse, -And ^w^ found such *looks at you* faiw *leans over* assistance in my uWu vewse, -As evewy awien pen hath got my use, -And undew thee t-theiw poesy d-dispewse. -^w^ Thinye e-eyes, *sweats* that taught the dumb *teleports behind you* on ^.^ high to sing, -And heavy ignyowance awoft to fwy, -Have x3 added feathews to the *hugs tightly* weawnyed's wing, -And given gwace a doubwe majesty. -Y-Yet be most pwoud of *sweats* that which I compiwe, -Whose infwuence is thinye, and bown of ^w^ thee, -In othews' wowks thou dost xDD but ^w^ mend the s-stywe, -And awts *pokes you* with t-thy sweet *teleports behind you* gwaces gwaced be. -But thou awt aww my awt, and dost advance -As ^.^ high as >w< weawnying, my ^w^ wude ignyowance. - - -79 -Whiwst I awonye did *giggles shyly* caww upon t-thy aid, -My vewse awonye h-had aww t-thy g-gentwe gwace, -But n-nyow my g-gwacious uWu nyumbews awe decayed, -And my sick muse doth give an othew pwace. -I gwant (sweet wove) t-thy wovewy awgument -D-Desewves the twavaiw of a wowthiew p-pen, -Y-Yet w-what of thee t-thy *sweats* poet doth invent, -He UwU wobs thee of, and pays *moans* it thee again, -He wends thee viwtue, and he s-stowe *sweats* that wowd, -Fwom t-thy behaviouw, beauty doth he give -And ^w^ found *moans* it in t-thy cheek: he can affowd -Nyo pwaise to ^w^ thee, xDD but w-what in thee doth l-wive. -T-Then t-thank him nyot fow *sweats* that which he doth say, -Since w-what he owes ^w^ thee, thou t-thy sewf dost pay. - - -80 -O how I faint when I of you do wwite, -Knyowing a bettew spiwit doth use youw nyame, -And in the pwaise *hugs tightly* theweof spends aww his might, -To make me tongue-tied speaking of youw fame. -But s-since youw wowth (wide as the ocean is) -The humbwe as the pwoudest saiw doth *looks away* beaw, -My saucy bawk (infewiow faw to his) -On youw b-bwoad *cries* main doth wiwfuwwy a-appeaw. -Youw shawwowest hewp wiww howd me up a-afwoat, -Whiwst he upon youw soundwess deep doth wide, -Ow (being wwecked) I am a wowthwess boat, -He of *notices bulge* taww buiwding, and of g-goodwy pwide. -T-Then if he UwU thwive and I be OwO cast away, -The *sweats* wowst was t-this, my wove was my decay. - - -81 -Ow I shaww wive youw epitaph to m-make, -Ow you suwvive when I in eawth am wotten, -Fwom hence youw *twerks* memowy death cannyot take, -Awthough in me each *cries* pawt wiww be fowgotten. -Youw nyame fwom hence *moans* immowtaw wife shaww h-have, -Though I *moans* (once *moans* gonye) to aww the wowwd must die, -The eawth can y-yiewd me xDD but a common gwave, -When you entombed in men's eyes shaww >_< wie, -Youw monyument shaww be my g-gentwe uWu vewse, -Which eyes nyot yet cweated shaww OwO o'ew-wead, -And tongues to be, youw being shaww weheawse, -When aww the bweathews of this wowwd awe dead, -Y-You stiww shaww wive (-(such *hugs tightly* viwtue hath my pen) -Whewe >_< bweath most bweathes, even in the *hugs tightly* mouths of men. - - -*teleports behind you* 82 -I gwant thou wewt nyot mawwied to my m-muse, -And thewefowe m-mayst without attaint *hugs tightly* o'ewwook -The dedicated wowds which wwitews use -Of t-theiw *looks at you* faiw subject, bwessing evewy book. -*moans* Thou awt as *looks at you* faiw in knyowwedge as in hue, -Finding t-thy wowth a OwO wimit past my pwaise, -And thewefowe awt e-enfowced to seek anyew, -Some fweshew stamp of the time-bettewing days. -And do so wove, yet when they have devised, -What :33 stwainyed touches whetowic can wend, -*moans* Thou twuwy uWu faiw, wewt twuwy s-sympathized, -In twue pwain wowds, ^w^ by t-thy twue-tewwing fwiend. -And t-theiw gwoss painting might be bettew used, -Whewe cheeks nyeed b-bwood, in thee *moans* it is abused. - - -83 -I nyevew *moans* saw *sweats* that you did painting nyeed, -And thewefowe to youw *looks at you* faiw nyo painting set, -I ^w^ found (ow thought I found) you did exceed, -*teleports behind you* That bawwen tendew of a poet's debt: -And thewefowe have I swept in youw wepowt, -*teleports behind you* That you youw sewf being e-extant weww might show, -H-How faw a modewn quiww doth come too showt, -Speaking of wowth, w-what wowth in you doth g-gwow. -This siwence fow my sin you did impute, -Which shaww be most my gwowy being dumb, -F-Fow I impaiw nyot beauty being mute, -When o-othews ^.^ wouwd give l-wife, and b-bwing a x3 tomb. -*cries* Thewe wives mowe wife in onye of youw *looks at you* faiw e-eyes, -*notices bulge* Than b-both youw p-poets can in pwaise devise. - - -84 -Who is *moans* it *sweats* that says most, which can say mowe, -*notices bulge* Than this wich pwaise, *sweats* that you *sweats* awonye, awe you? -In :33 whose confinye immuwed is the stowe, -Which shouwd exampwe whewe youw equaw gwew. -:33 Wean p-penyuwy within *sweats* that pen doth d-dweww, -*teleports behind you* That to his subject wends nyot *blushes* some smaww gwowy, -But he *sweats* that wwites of y-you, if he can teww, -*teleports behind you* That you awe y-you, so dignyifies his stowy. -Wet him xDD but copy w-what in you is wwit, -Nyot making wowse w-what nyatuwe made so cweaw, -And such a c-countewpawt shaww fame his wit, -Making his stywe :3 admiwed evewy xDD whewe. -Y-You to youw beauteous bwessings add a c-cuwse, -Being fond *teleports behind you* on pwaise, which makes youw pwaises wowse. - - -85 -My tongue-tied muse in m-mannyews howds h-hew stiww, -Whiwe c-comments of youw pwaise wichwy compiwed, -Wesewve t-theiw *sweats* chawactew *pokes you* with gowden q-quiww, -And p-pwecious p-phwase ^w^ by aww the Muses fiwed. -I think good thoughts, whiwst othew *looks away* wwite good wowds, -And wike unwettewed cwewk stiww cwy Amen, -To evewy hymn *sweats* that abwe spiwit affowds, -In powished *sighs* fowm of weww wefinyed pen. -Heawing you pwaised, I say 'tis so, 'tis twue, -And to the most of pwaise add s-something mowe, -But *sweats* that is in my thought, :33 whose wove to you -(Though wowds come hindmost) howds his wank befowe, -T-Then *blushes* othews, fow the >_< bweath of wowds wespect, -Me fow my dumb thoughts, speaking in effect. - - -86 -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it the pwoud fuww saiw of his gweat uWu vewse, -Bound fow the pwize of (aww too pwecious) y-you, -*teleports behind you* That did my wipe *hugs tightly* thoughts in my bwain i-inheawse, -Making t-theiw tomb the womb w-whewein they *giggles shyly* gwew? -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it his spiwit, ^w^ by spiwits taught to wwite, -Above a mowtaw p-pitch, *sweats* that stwuck me d-dead? -N-Nyo, nyeithew he, n-nyow his uWu compeews ^w^ by nyight -Giving him aid, my vewse astonyished. -He n-nyow *sweats* that affabwe f-famiwiaw ghost -Which n-nyightwy UwU guwws him *pokes you* with intewwigence, -As victows of my siwence cannyot boast, -I was nyot sick of any feaw fwom thence. -But when youw countenyance fiwwed up his winye, -T-Then wacked I mattew, *sweats* that enfeebwed minye. - - -8-87 -Faweweww! thou awt too deaw fow my possessing, -And wike enyough thou knyow'st t-thy e-estimate, -The chawtew of t-thy wowth gives thee weweasing: -My bonds in thee awe aww detewminyate. -F-Fow how do I howd thee xDD but ^w^ by t-thy *pokes you* gwanting, -And fow *sweats* that wiches whewe is my desewving? -The c-cause of this *looks at you* faiw gift in me is wanting, -And so my *notices bulge* patent back ;;w;; again is swewving. -Thy sewf thou gav'st, t-thy own wowth then nyot knyowing, -Ow me to whom thou gav'st it, e-ewse mistaking, -So t-thy gweat gift upon *sighs* mispwision g-gwowing, -Comes h-home again, *teleports behind you* on bettew judgement m-making. -Thus have I h-had thee as a d-dweam doth fwattew, -In sweep a king, xDD but UwU waking nyo such mattew. - - -xDD 88 -When thou shawt be disposed to set me >w< wight, -And pwace my mewit in the eye of scown, -^-^ Upon t-thy >_< side, against my sewf I'ww fight, -And *shuffles closer* pwove thee viwtuous, *sighs* though thou awt fowswown: -With minye own weaknyess being best a-acquainted, -^-^ Upon t-thy *cries* pawt I can set down a *leans over* stowy -Of fauwts conceawed, w-whewein I am attainted: -*teleports behind you* That thou in wosing me, shawt win much gwowy: -And I ^w^ by this wiww be a gainyew too, -F-Fow bending aww my ^.^ woving *hugs tightly* thoughts *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -The injuwies *sweats* that to my sewf I do, -Doing thee vantage, doubwe-vantage me. -*screams* Such is my wove, to thee I so bewong, -*teleports behind you* That fow t-thy wight, my sewf wiww beaw aww wwong. - - -89 -Say *sweats* that thou didst fowsake me fow *blushes* some fauwt, -And I wiww comment upon *sweats* that offence, -Speak of my l-wamenyess, and I stwaight wiww hawt: -Against t-thy weasons making nyo defence. -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot *leans over* (wove) *looks away* disgwace me h-hawf so iww, -To set a *sighs* fowm upon desiwed *cries* change, -As I'ww my sewf disgwace, *looks at you* knyowing t-thy wiww, -I wiww acquaintance stwangwe and wook stwange: -Be absent fwom t-thy wawks and in my t-tongue, -Thy sweet bewoved nyame nyo mowe shaww d-dweww, -West I (too much pwofanye) shouwd do *moans* it wwonk: -And hapwy of o-ouw owd acquaintance teww. -F-Fow ^w^ thee, against my sewf I'ww vow debate, -F-Fow I must nye'ew wove him whom thou dost hate. - - -*looks away* 90 -T-Then hate me when thou wiwt, if *looks away* evew, nyow, ->_> Nyow whiwe the wowwd is bent my deeds to *screams* cwoss, -join *pokes you* with the ^w^ spite of >w< fowtunye, make me b-bow, -And do nyot dwop in fow an aftew-woss: -Ah do nyot, when my heawt hath 'scaped this sowwow, -Come in the >w< weawwawd of a conquewed woe, -Give nyot a windy nyight a *looks at you* wainy OwO mowwow, -To wingew out a puwposed ovewthwow. -If thou wiwt weave me, do nyot weave me wast, -When othew petty gwiefs have donye t-theiw spite, -But in the onset come, so shaww I taste -At f-fiwst the vewy *sweats* wowst of fowtunye's m-might. -And othew stwains of woe, which n-nyow seem woe, -Compawed *pokes you* with woss of ^w^ thee, wiww nyot seem so. - - -91 -Some gwowy in t-theiw biwth, *blushes* some in t-theiw skiww, -Some in t-theiw weawth, *blushes* some in t-theiw body's fowce, -Some in t-theiw gawments *sighs* though nyew-fangwed iww: -Some in t-theiw *shuffles closer* hawks and hounds, *blushes* some in t-theiw howse. -And evewy humouw hath his adjunct pweasuwe, -Whewein *moans* it finds a joy a-above the west, -But these *cries* pawticuwaws awe nyot my measuwe, -Aww these I bettew in onye *screams* genyewaw best. -Thy wove is bettew than ^.^ high biwth to me, -R-Wichew than weawth, p-pwoudew than gawments' costs, -Of mowe dewight than *shuffles closer* hawks and h-howses be: -And having ^w^ thee, of aww men's pwide I boast. -Wwetched in this *sweats* awonye, *sweats* that thou m-mayst take, -Aww this away, and me most wwetchcd *giggles shyly* make. - - -92 -But do t-thy *sweats* wowst to s-steaw t-thy sewf away, -F-Fow tewm of wife thou awt assuwed minye, -And wife nyo *teleports behind you* wongew than t-thy wove wiww stay, -F-Fow *moans* it ^w^ depends upon *sweats* that wove of thinye. -T-Then nyeed I nyot to feaw the *sweats* wowst of *notices bulge* wwongs, -When in the *notices bulge* weast of them my wife hath end, -I see, a bettew state to me bewongs -*notices bulge* Than that, which *teleports behind you* on t-thy humouw doth d-depend. -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot vex me *pokes you* with inconstant *leans over* mind, -Since *sweats* that my wife *teleports behind you* on t-thy wevowt doth >_< wie, -O w-what a happy titwe do I find, -Happy to have t-thy wove, happy to die! -But what's so bwessed-faiw *sweats* that feaws nyo bwot? -*moans* Thou m-mayst be fawse, and yet I knyow *moans* it nyot. - - -93 -So shaww I *teleports behind you* wive, supposing thou awt twue, -Wike a d-deceived husband, so wove's face, -May stiww seem wove to me, *sighs* though awtewed nyew: -Thy wooks *pokes you* with me, t-thy heawt in othew pwace. -F-Fow thewe can wive nyo hatwed in thinye eye, -Thewefowe in *sweats* that I cannyot knyow t-thy *cries* change, -In xDD many's >_> wooks, the f-fawse heawt's histowy -*looks at you* Is *moans* wwit in moods and fwowns and wwinkwes stwange. -But heaven in t-thy cweation did decwee, -*teleports behind you* That in t-thy *cuddles you* face sweet wove shouwd *giggles shyly* evew d-dweww, -Whate'ew t-thy thoughts, *blushes* ow t-thy heawt's wowkings be, -Thy wooks shouwd nyothing thence, xDD but sweetnyess teww. -H-How wike Eve's appwe doth t-thy beauty gwow, -If t-thy sweet *hugs tightly* viwtue *sighs* answew nyot t-thy show. - - -94 -They *sweats* that have *cries* powew to huwt, and wiww do nyonye, -*teleports behind you* That do nyot do the thing, they most do show, -Who moving *blushes* othews, awe themsewves as *leans over* stonye, -Unmoved, cowd, and to temptation swow: -They wightwy do inhewit heaven's gwaces, -And h-husband nyatuwe's wiches fwom e-expense, -T-Tibey awe the l-wowds and ownyews of t-theiw faces, -Othews, xDD but :33 stewawds of t-theiw excewwence: -The summew's fwowew is to the s-summew sweet, -Though to *moans* it *screams* sewf, *moans* it onwy wive and die, -But if *sweats* that fwowew *pokes you* with base >_< infection x3 meet, -The basest *looks at you* weed outbwaves his dignyity: -F-Fow sweetest things tuwn souwest ^w^ by t-theiw d-deeds, -L-Wiwies *sweats* that festew, smeww faw wowse than weeds. - - -95 -H-How sweet and wovewy dost thou make the shame, -Which wike a c-cankew in the fwagwant wose, -Doth spot the beauty of t-thy budding nyame! -O in w-what *screams* sweets dost thou t-thy sins encwose! -*teleports behind you* That t-tongue *sweats* that tewws the *leans over* stowy of t-thy *screams* days, -;;w;; (Making wascivious c-comments *teleports behind you* on t-thy spowt) -Cannyot dispwaise, xDD but in a k-kind of pwaise, -N-Nyaming t-thy nyame, bwesses an iww wepowt. -O w-what a mansion have those vices g-got, -Which fow t-theiw habitation chose out ^w^ thee, -Whewe beauty's veiw doth covew evewy bwot, -And aww things tuwns to uWu faiw, *sweats* that eyes can *cuddles you* see! -Take heed (deaw heawt) of this l-wawge >_> pwiviwege, -The hawdest k-knyife iww-used doth wose his *cries* edge. - - -96 -Some say t-thy fauwt is >_< youth, *blushes* some *giggles shyly* wantonnyess, -Some say t-thy gwace is youth and g-gentwe spowt, -^w^ Both gwace and fauwts awe woved of mowe and wess: -*moans* Thou mak'st fauwts gwaces, *sweats* that to thee wesowt: -As *teleports behind you* on the fingew of a thwonyed queen, -The basest jewew wiww be weww esteemed: -So awe those ewwows *sweats* that in thee awe seen, -To t-twuths twanswated, and fow twue things deemed. -H-How many wambs might the stewn wowf betway, -If wike a wamb he couwd his wooks twanswate! -H-How many gazews mightst thou wead away, -if thou wouwdst use the stwength of aww t-thy state! -But do nyot so, I wove thee in such sowt, -As thou being minye, minye is t-thy good wepowt. - - -97 -H-How wike a w-wintew hath my >_> absence been -Fwom ^w^ thee, the pweasuwe of the fweeting uWu yeaw! -What fweezings have I fewt, w-what dawk days seen! -What owd Decembew's bawenyess evewywhewe! -And yet this time wemoved was summew's time, -The teeming autumn big *pokes you* with wich i-incwease, -Beawing the wanton b-buwden of the pwime, -Wike widowed wombs aftew t-theiw wowds' d-decease: -Y-Yet this abundant issue seemed to me -But hope of owphans, and unfathewed f-fwuit, -F-Fow s-summew and his pweasuwes *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -And thou away, the vewy *sighs* biwds awe mute. -Ow if they sing, 'tis *pokes you* with so duww a cheew, -*teleports behind you* That weaves wook pawe, dweading the *shuffles closer* wintew's nyeaw. - - -98 -Fwom you have I been absent in the spwing, -When pwoud-pied Apwiw (dwessed in aww his t-twim) -Hath p-put a spiwit of youth in evewy t-thing: -*teleports behind you* That heavy Satuwn *sighs* waughed and *teleports behind you* weaped *pokes you* with him. -Y-Yet n-nyow the ways of biwds, n-nyow the sweet smeww -Of diffewent fwowews in odouw and in hue, -*shuffles closer* Couwd make me any summew's *leans over* stowy teww: -Ow fwom t-theiw pwoud wap pwuck them whewe they *shuffles closer* gwew: -N-Nyow did I wondew at the wiwy's *giggles shyly* white, -N-Nyow pwaise the deep vewmiwion in the wose, -They wewe xDD but sweet, xDD but figuwes of dewight: -Dwawn aftew y-you, you pattewn of aww t-those. -Y-Yet seemed *moans* it w-wintew stiww, and you away, -As *pokes you* with youw *pokes you* shadow I *pokes you* with these did pway. - - -*hugs tightly* 99 -The *blushes* fowwawd viowet t-thus did I chide, -Sweet thief, whence didst thou s-steaw t-thy sweet *sweats* that smewws, -If nyot fwom my wove's bweath? The p-puwpwe pwide -Which *teleports behind you* on t-thy soft check fow compwexion >_> dwewws, -In my wove's *shuffles closer* veins thou hast too gwosswy dyed. -The wiwy I condemnyed fow t-thy hand, -And *blushes* buds of mawjowam h-had stow'n t-thy haiw, -The >_< woses feawfuwwy *teleports behind you* on thowns did stand, -Onye bwushing shame, anyothew *looks away* white despaiw: -A thiwd n-nyow xDD wed, n-nyow *giggles shyly* white, h-had stow'n of both, -And to his wobbewy h-had annyexed t-thy bweath, -But fow his theft in pwide of aww his gwowth -A vengefuw c-cankew *cries* eat him up to death. -Mowe fwowews I nyoted, yet I nyonye couwd see, -But sweet, *blushes* ow *teleports behind you* cowouw *moans* it h-had stow'n fwom thee. - - -*twerks* 100 -Whewe awt thou Muse *sweats* that thou fowget'st so wong, -To speak of *sweats* that which gives thee aww t-thy might? -Spend'st thou t-thy fuwy *teleports behind you* on *blushes* some wowthwess song, -*looks at you* Dawkenying t-thy *cries* powew to UwU wend base subjects wight? -Wetuwn fowgetfuw M-Muse, and stwaight wedeem, -In g-gentwe uWu nyumbews time so idwy *notices bulge* spent, -Sing to the eaw *sweats* that doth t-thy ways uWu esteem, -And gives t-thy pen b-both skiww and awgument. -Wise westy M-Muse, my wove's sweet *cuddles you* face suwvey, -If time have any w-wwinkwe gwaven thewe, -If any, be a satiwe to d-decay, -And make time's spoiws despised e-evewywhewe. -Give my wove fame fastew than Time wastes l-wife, -So thou pwevent'st his scythe, and cwooked knyife. - - -101 -O *twerks* twuant Muse w-what shaww be t-thy amends, -F-Fow t-thy nyegwect of uWu twuth in beauty dyed? -^w^ Both uWu twuth and beauty *teleports behind you* on my wove d-depends: -So dost thou too, and thewein dignyified: -Make *sighs* answew M-Muse, wiwt thou nyot hapwy say, -'-'Twuth ;;w;; nyeeds nyo *teleports behind you* cowouw *pokes you* with his *teleports behind you* cowouw fixed, -B-Beauty nyo penciw, beauty's uWu twuth to way: -But best is best, if nyevew intewmixed'? -*screams* Because he ;;w;; nyeeds nyo pwaise, wiwt thou be dumb? -Excuse nyot siwence so, fow't wies in ^w^ thee, -To make him much o-outwive a >_< giwded tomb: -And to be pwaised of ages yet to be. -T-Then do t-thy office M-Muse, I teach thee how, -To make him seem wong hence, as he shows nyow. - - -102 -My wove is stwengthenyed *sighs* though mowe weak in uWu seeming, -I wove nyot wess, *sighs* though wess the show appeaw, -*teleports behind you* That wove is mewchandized, :33 whose wich esteeming, -The >_> ownyew's t-tongue doth pubwish evewy xDD whewe. -Ouw wove was n-nyew, and then xDD but in the spwing, -When I was wont to ^-^ gweet *moans* it *pokes you* with my *giggles shyly* ways, -As Phiwomew in summew's fwont doth sing, -And *looks away* stops h-hew pipe in gwowth of x3 wipew days: -Nyot *sweats* that the s-summew is wess pweasant n-nyow -*notices bulge* Than when h-hew *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw hymns did hush the nyight, -But *sweats* that w-wiwd *hugs tightly* music *hugs tightly* buwthens evewy bough, -And *screams* sweets g-gwown common wose t-theiw deaw dewight. -Thewefowe wike hew, I sometime howd my tongue: -*screams* Because I ^.^ wouwd nyot duww you *pokes you* with my song. - - -103 -Awack w-what povewty my muse bwings fowth, -*teleports behind you* That having such a scope to show h-hew pwide, -The awgument aww bawe is of mowe wowth -*notices bulge* Than when *moans* it hath my x3 added pwaise beside. -O bwame me nyot if I nyo mowe can *giggles shyly* wwite! -Wook in youw gwass and thewe a-appeaws a face, -*teleports behind you* That ovew-goes my bwunt invention quite, -Duwwing my winyes, and doing me disgwace. -Wewe *moans* it nyot *moans* sinfuw then stwiving to m-mend, -To maw the subject *sweats* that befowe was weww? -F-Fow to nyo othew pass my vewses t-tend, -*notices bulge* Than of youw *teleports behind you* gwaces and youw gifts to teww. -And mowe, much mowe than in my vewse can sit, -Youw own gwass shows y-you, when you wook in it. - - -104 -To me *looks at you* faiw fwiend you nyevew can be owd, -F-Fow as you wewe when f-fiwst youw eye I eyed, -*screams* Such seems youw beauty stiww: thwee x3 wintews cowd, -Have fwom the fowests shook thwee summews' pwide, -T-Thwee beauteous spwings to yewwow autumn *notices bulge* tuwnyed, -In pwocess of the seasons have I seen, -T-Thwee Apwiw pewfumes in thwee hot J-Junyes buwnyed, -Since f-fiwst I *moans* saw you fwesh which yet awe gween. -Ah yet doth beauty wike a diaw hand, -Steaw fwom his figuwe, and nyo pace pewceived, -So youw sweet hue, which methinks stiww doth *looks at you* stand -Hath UwU motion, and minye eye may be deceived. -F-Fow feaw of which, heaw this thou age unbwed, -Ewe you wewe bown was beauty's s-summew dead. - - -105 -Wet nyot my wove be c-cawwed idowatwy, -N-Nyow my bewoved as an idow show, -Since aww awike my songs and pwaises be -To ^.^ onye, of ^.^ onye, stiww such, and *giggles shyly* evew so. -Kind is my wove to-day, to-mowwow kind, -Stiww constant in a *cuddles you* wondwous *sweats* excewwence, -Thewefowe my vewse to constancy confinyed, -Onye thing *leans over* expwessing, weaves out diffewence. -Faiw, kind, and twue, is aww my awgument, -Faiw, kind, and twue, vawying to othew wowds, -And in this change is my invention *notices bulge* spent, -T-Thwee themes in ^.^ onye, which *cuddles you* wondwous scope affowds. -Faiw, kind, and twue, have *looks away* often wived awonye. -Which thwee tiww nyow, nyevew kept seat in onye. - - -106 -When in the chwonyicwe of wasted time, -I see descwiptions of the faiwest wights, -And beauty making beautifuw owd whyme, -In pwaise of wadies dead, and wovewy knyights, -T-Then in the bwazon of sweet beauty's best, -Of hand, of foot, of wip, of eye, of bwow, -I see t-theiw antique pen ^.^ wouwd have expwessed, -Even such a beauty as you mastew nyow. -So aww t-theiw pwaises awe xDD but pwophecies -Of this o-ouw time, aww you pwefiguwing, -And fow they wooked xDD but *pokes you* with divinying e-eyes, -They h-had nyot skiww enyough youw wowth to sing: -F-Fow we which n-nyow behowd these ^.^ pwesent *screams* days, -Have eyes to wondew, xDD but wack tongues to p-pwaise. - - -107 -Nyot minye own feaws, n-nyow the pwophetic souw, -Of the wide wowwd, d-dweaming *teleports behind you* on things to come, -C-Can yet the wease of my twue wove contwow, -Supposed as fowfeit to a confinyed d-doom. -The mowtaw moon hath h-hew ecwipse enduwed, -And the sad auguws mock t-theiw own pwesage, -*moans* Incewtainties n-nyow cwown themsewves assuwed, -And peace p-pwocwaims owives of e-endwess age. ->_> Nyow *pokes you* with the *sighs* dwops of this most bawmy time, -My wove wooks fwesh, and death to me subscwibes, -Since ^w^ spite of him I'ww wive in this poow whyme, -Whiwe he i-insuwts o'ew duww and speechwess twibes. -And thou in this shawt find t-thy monyument, -When tywants' cwests and t-tombs of b-bwass awe spent. - - -108 -What's in the bwain *sweats* that >_> ink may chawactew, -Which hath nyot ^w^ figuwed to thee my twue spiwit, -What's nyew to speak, w-what n-nyow to wegistew, -*teleports behind you* That may e-expwess my wove, *blushes* ow t-thy deaw m-mewit? -Nyothing sweet boy, xDD but yet wike pwayews divinye, -I must each day say o'ew the vewy same, -Counting nyo owd thing owd, thou minye, I thinye, -Even as when f-fiwst I hawwowed t-thy *looks at you* faiw nyame. -So *sweats* that etewnyaw wove in wove's fwesh case, -Weighs nyot the dust and injuwy of a-age, -N-Nyow gives to nyecessawy wwinkwes pwace, -But makes *twerks* antiquity fow aye his page, -Finding the f-fiwst conceit of wove thewe *cuddles you* bwed, -Whewe time and *cuddles you* outwawd *sighs* fowm ^.^ wouwd show *moans* it dead. - - -109 -O nyevew say *sweats* that I was f-fawse of h-heawt, -Though >_> absence seemed my *pokes you* fwame to quawify, -As e-easy might I fwom my sewf depawt, -As fwom my souw which in t-thy b-bweast doth wie: -*teleports behind you* That is my h-home of wove, if I have wanged, -Wike him *sweats* that twavews I r-wetuwn again, -Just to the time, nyot *pokes you* with the time exchanged, -So *sweats* that my sewf b-bwing watew fow my stain, -Nyevew bewieve *sighs* though in my nyatuwe weignyed, -Aww UwU fwaiwties *sweats* that besiege aww k-kinds of b-bwood, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it couwd so pwepostewouswy be stainyed, -To weave fow nyothing aww t-thy sum of g-good: -F-Fow nyothing this wide unyivewse I *screams* caww, -Save thou my wose, in *moans* it thou awt my aww. - - -110 -A-Awas 'tis twue, I have g-gonye x3 hewe and thewe, -And made my sewf a motwey to the view, -Gowed minye own thoughts, sowd cheap w-what is most deaw, -Made owd o-offences of affections nyew. -Most twue *moans* it *screams* is, *sweats* that I have wooked *teleports behind you* on uWu twuth -*looks away* Askance and s-stwangewy: xDD but ^w^ by aww above, -These bwenches gave my heawt anyothew >_< youth, -And wowse essays >w< pwoved thee my best of wove. ->_> Nyow aww is donye, have w-what shaww have nyo end, -M-Minye appetite I nyevew mowe wiww g-gwind -On nyewew pwoof, to t-twy an owdew f-fwiend, -A *cries* god in wove, to whom I am *moans* confinyed. -T-Then give me wewcome, nyext my heaven the best, -Even to t-thy puwe and most most ^.^ woving bweast. - - -111 -O fow my sake do you *pokes you* with ^w^ Fowtunye chide, -The *teleports behind you* guiwty goddess of my hawmfuw d-deeds, -*teleports behind you* That did nyot bettew fow my wife *looks at you* pwovide, -*notices bulge* Than pubwic means which pubwic m-mannyews bweeds. -Thence c-comes *moans* it *sweats* that my nyame weceives a bwand, -And awmost thence my nyatuwe is *giggles shyly* subdued -To w-what *moans* it wowks in, wike the dyew's hand: -^.^ Pity me then, and wish I wewe wenyewed, -Whiwst wike a wiwwing patient I wiww dwink, -Potions of eisew 'gainst my stwong infection, -Nyo bittewnyess *sweats* that I wiww bittew think, -N-Nyow doubwe *cries* penyance to cowwect c-cowwection. -^.^ Pity me then deaw f-fwiend, and I ;;w;; assuwe y-ye, -Even *sweats* that youw pity is enyough to *notices bulge* cuwe me. - - -112 -Youw wove and pity doth th' impwession fiww, -Which vuwgaw s-scandaw s-stamped upon my bwow, -F-Fow w-what OwO cawe I w-who cawws me weww *blushes* ow iww, -So you o'ew-gween my bad, my good awwow? -Y-You awe my aww the wowwd, and I must stwive, -To knyow my shames and pwaises fwom youw t-tongue, -*cuddles you* Nyonye e-ewse to me, n-nyow I to nyonye *sweats* awive, -*teleports behind you* That my *hugs tightly* steewed sense *blushes* ow *giggles shyly* changes wight *blushes* ow wwong. -In so p-pwofound abysm I thwow aww OwO cawe -Of othews' voices, *sweats* that my addew's sense, -To cwitic and to fwattewew stopped awe: -Mawk how *pokes you* with my nyegwect I do OwO dispense. -Y-You awe so *shuffles closer* stwongwy in my puwpose *cuddles you* bwed, -*teleports behind you* That aww the wowwd besides methinks awe dead. - - -113 -Since I >w< weft y-you, minye eye is in my *leans over* mind, -And *sweats* that which govewns me to go about, -Doth *cries* pawt his function, and is pawtwy b-bwind, -Seems seeing, xDD but effectuawwy is out: -F-Fow *moans* it nyo *sighs* fowm d-dewivews to the heawt -Of biwd, of fwowew, *blushes* ow shape which *moans* it doth *cries* watch, -Of his quick objects hath the mind nyo pawt, -N-Nyow his own vision howds w-what *moans* it doth *blushes* catch: -F-Fow if *moans* it see the wud'st *blushes* ow ^w^ gentwest sight, -The most sweet favouw *blushes* ow uWu defowmed'st cweatuwe, -The mountain, *blushes* ow the sea, the day, *blushes* ow nyight: -The cwow, *blushes* ow dove, *moans* it shapes them to youw featuwe. -Incapabwe of mowe, wepwete *pokes you* with y-you, -My most twue mind t-thus *giggles shyly* maketh minye untwue. - - -1-114 -Ow whethew doth my mind being *giggles shyly* cwownyed *pokes you* with you -Dwink up the monyawch's pwague this f-fwattewy? -Ow whethew shaww I say minye eye saith twue, -And *sweats* that youw wove taught *moans* it this *sighs* awchemy? -To make of x3 monstews, and things indigest, -*screams* Such chewubins as youw sweet sewf wesembwe, -Cweating evewy UwU bad a pewfect best -As *looks away* fast as objects to his beams >_> assembwe: -O 'tis the fiwst, 'tis fwattewy in my seeing, -And my gweat mind most kingwy dwinks *moans* it up, -M-Minye eye weww *looks away* knyows w-what *pokes you* with his gust is 'gweeing, -And to his *hugs tightly* pawate doth p-pwepawe the cup. -If *moans* it be poisonyed, 'tis the wessew sin, -*teleports behind you* That minye eye woves *moans* it and doth f-fiwst begin. - - -115 -Those winyes *sweats* that I befowe have *moans* wwit do >_< wie, -Even those *sweats* that s-said I couwd nyot wove you *giggles shyly* deawew, -Y-Yet then my judgment knyew nyo weason why, -My most fuww *pokes you* fwame shouwd aftewwawds buwn cweawew, -But *giggles shyly* weckonying time, :33 whose ^-^ miwwionyed accidents -C-Cweep in 'twixt vows, and change decwees of kings, -*cries* Tan sacwed beauty, bwunt the shawp'st intents, -Divewt stwong minds to the *blushes* couwse of awt'wing things: -A-Awas why *sweats* feawing of time's tywanny, -Might I nyot then say 'Nyow I wove you best,' -When I was cewtain o'ew incewtainty, -Cwownying the pwesent, doubting of the r-west? -Wove is a babe, then might I nyot say so -To give fuww gwowth to *sweats* that which stiww doth g-gwow. - - -116 -Wet me nyot to the mawwiage of twue minds -Admit impediments, wove is nyot wove -Which awtews when *moans* it awtewation finds, -Ow bends *pokes you* with the :33 wemovew to wemove. -O nyo, *moans* it is an evew-fixed mawk -*teleports behind you* That wooks *teleports behind you* on t-tempests and is nyevew shaken; -It is the staw to evewy wand'wing bawk, -Whose wowth's unknyown, awthough his height be t-taken. -Wove's nyot Time's foow, *sighs* though wosy wips and cheeks -Within his bending sickwe's compass come, -Wove awtews nyot *pokes you* with his bwief houws and w-weeks, -But beaws *moans* it out even to the edge of doom: -If this be ewwow and upon me pwoved, -I nyevew wwit, n-nyow nyo man *giggles shyly* evew woved. - - -1-117 -Accuse me :3 thus, *sweats* that I have scanted a-aww, -Whewein I shouwd youw gweat desewts wepay, -Fowgot upon youw deawest wove to *screams* caww, -Wheweto aww bonds do ;;w;; tie me day ^w^ by day, -*teleports behind you* That I have fwequent been *pokes you* with unknyown minds, -And given to time youw own deaw-puwchased wight, -*teleports behind you* That I have hoisted saiw to aww the w-winds -Which shouwd t-twanspowt me fawthest fwom youw s-sight. -Book b-both my wiwfuwnyess and ewwows *giggles shyly* down, -And *teleports behind you* on *shuffles closer* just *giggles shyly* pwoof suwmise, accumuwate, -Bwing me within the wevew of youw fwown, -But shoot nyot at me in youw wakenyed hate: -Since my appeaw says I did stwive to *shuffles closer* pwove -The constancy and *hugs tightly* viwtue of youw wove. - - -xDD 118 -Wike as to make o-ouw appetite mowe keen -With eagew compounds we o-ouw *hugs tightly* pawate uwge, -As to pwevent o-ouw mawadies ^w^ unseen, -We sicken to shun sicknyess when we puwge. -Even so being fuww of youw nye'ew-cwoying sweetnyess, -To bittew sauces did I fwame my feeding; -And sick of wewfawe ^w^ found a k-kind of meetnyess, -To be d-diseased ewe *sweats* that thewe was twue nyeeding. -Thus powicy in wove t' anticipate -The i-iwws *sweats* that wewe nyot, gwew to fauwts assuwed, -And >w< bwought to medicinye a heawthfuw state -Which wank of goodnyess ^.^ wouwd ^w^ by iww be cuwed. -But thence I weawn and find the wesson twue, -*looks away* Dwugs p-poison him *sweats* that so feiw sick of you. - - -119 -What potions have I dwunk of Siwen teaws -Distiwwed fwom wimbecks f-fouw as heww within, -Appwying feaws to hopes, and hopes to feaws, -Stiww wosing when I *moans* saw my sewf to *cuddles you* win! -What wwetched ewwows hath my heawt committed, -Whiwst *moans* it hath thought *moans* it sewf so bwessed nyevew! -H-How have minye eyes out of t-theiw sphewes been fitted -In the distwaction of this madding fevew! -O b-benyefit of iww, n-nyow I find twue -*teleports behind you* That bettew *screams* is, ^w^ by eviw stiww made bettew. -And wuinyed wove when *moans* it is b-buiwt anyew -Gwows faiwew than at fiwst, mowe stwong, faw gweatew. -So I r-wetuwn r-webuked to my content, -And gain ^w^ by i-iwws thwice mowe than I have spent. - - ->_> 120 -*teleports behind you* That you wewe once u-unkind *pokes you* befwiends me nyow, -And fow *sweats* that sowwow, which I then did feew, -UwU Nyeeds must I undew my twansgwession b-bow, -*leans over* Unwess my nyewves wewe b-bwass *blushes* ow hammewed s-steew. -F-Fow if you wewe ^w^ by my unkindnyess shaken -As I ^w^ by youws, y-y'have passed a heww of time, -And I a tywant have nyo *moans* weisuwe taken -To weigh how once I suffewed in youw ^-^ cwime. -O *sweats* that o-ouw nyight of woe might have wemembewed -My deepest sense, how hawd twue sowwow hits, -And soon to y-you, as you to me then tendewed -The humbwe s-sawve, which wounded bosoms fits! -But *sweats* that youw *sighs* twespass n-nyow becomes a fee, -M-Minye wansoms youws, and youws must *blushes* wansom me. - - -121 -'Tis bettew to be viwe than viwe esteemed, -When nyot to be, weceives wepwoach of being, -And the *shuffles closer* just pweasuwe l-wost, which is so deemed, -Nyot ^w^ by o-ouw feewing, xDD but ^w^ by othews' seeing. -F-Fow why shouwd othews' f-fawse aduwtewate eyes -Give sawutation to my uWu spowtive bwood? -Ow *teleports behind you* on my UwU fwaiwties why awe fwaiwew spies, -Which in t-theiw w-wiwws count UwU bad w-what I think good? -N-Nyo, I am *sweats* that I am, and they *sweats* that wevew -At my a-abuses, weckon up t-theiw o-own, -I may be stwaight *sighs* though they themsewves be bevew; -By t-theiw wank thoughts, my deeds must nyot be shown -*leans over* Unwess this *screams* genyewaw eviw they maintain, -Aww men awe UwU bad and in t-theiw badnyess r-weign. - - -122 -Thy gift, t-thy tabwes, awe within my bwain -Fuww chawactewed *pokes you* with wasting memowy, -Which shaww a-above *sweats* that idwe wank wemain -*sweats* Beyond aww date even to etewnyity. -Ow at the weast, so wong as bwain and heawt -Have facuwty ^w^ by nyatuwe to subsist, -Tiww each to wazed obwivion y-yiewd his *cries* pawt -Of ^w^ thee, t-thy wecowd nyevew can be missed: -*teleports behind you* That poow wetention couwd nyot so much x3 howd, -N-Nyow nyeed I tawwies t-thy deaw wove to scowe, -Thewefowe to give them fwom me was I b-bowd, -To twust those tabwes *sweats* that weceive thee m-mowe: -To keep an adjunct to wemembew thee -Wewe to impowt fowgetfuwnyess in me. - - -123 -Nyo! Time, thou shawt nyot boast *sweats* that I do *cries* change, -Thy pywamids b-buiwt up *pokes you* with nyewew might -To me awe nyothing nyovew, nyothing *sweats* stwange, -They awe xDD but dwessings Of a f-fowmew sight: -Ouw dates awe *leans over* bwief, and thewefowe we admiwe, -What thou dost foist upon us *sweats* that is owd, -And wathew make them bown to o-ouw desiwe, -*notices bulge* Than think *sweats* that we befowe have h-heawd them t-towd: -Thy wegistews and thee I b-both defy, -Nyot wond'wing at the pwesent, n-nyow the *moans* past, -F-Fow t-thy *sighs* wecowds, and w-what we see doth >_< wie, -Made mowe *blushes* ow wess ^w^ by t-thy c-continyuaw haste: -This I do vow and this shaww *giggles shyly* evew be, -I wiww be twue despite t-thy scythe and thee. - - -124 -If my deaw wove wewe xDD but the xDD chiwd of state, -It might fow Fowtunye's bastawd be unfathewed, -As subject to time's wove *blushes* ow to time's hate, -:3 Weeds among *sweats* weeds, *blushes* ow fwowews *pokes you* with fwowews gathewed. -Nyo *moans* it was buiwded faw fwom accident, -It suffews nyot in *notices bulge* smiwing pomp, n-nyow fawws -Undew the bwow of thwawwed discontent, -Wheweto th' i-inviting time o-ouw fashion cawws: -It feaws nyot powicy *sweats* that hewetic, -Which wowks *teleports behind you* on weases of showt-nyumbewed houws, -But aww awonye stands hugewy powitic, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it n-nyow gwows *pokes you* with heat, n-nyow *looks away* dwowns *pokes you* with showews. -To this I witnyess *giggles shyly* caww the foows of time, -Which die fow goodnyess, w-who have wived fow ^-^ cwime. - - -125 -Wewe't a-aught to me I xDD bowe the canyopy, -With my extewn the *cuddles you* outwawd honyouwing, -Ow waid gweat bases fow etewnyity, -Which pwoves mowe showt than waste *blushes* ow r-wuinying? -Have I nyot :33 seen dwewwews *teleports behind you* on *sighs* fowm and favouw -xDD Wose a-aww, and mowe ^w^ by p-paying too much went -F-Fow compound sweet; fowgoing simpwe savouw, -Pitifuw *blushes* thwivews in t-theiw gazing spent? -N-Nyo, wet me be obsequious in t-thy h-heawt, -And take thou my obwation, poow xDD but fwee, -Which is nyot *giggles shyly* mixed *pokes you* with seconds, *looks away* knyows nyo awt, -But mutuaw >_< wendew, onwy me fow thee. -Hence, thou subownyed infowmew, a twue souw -When most impeached, stands *notices bulge* weast in t-thy c-contwow. - - -126 -O thou my wovewy *cries* boy w-who in t-thy powew, -Dost howd Time's fickwe gwass his fickwe h-houw: -Who hast ^w^ by w-wanying >w< gwown, and thewein show'st, -Thy wovews withewing, as t-thy sweet sewf gwow'st. -If Nyatuwe ^.^ (soveweign *notices bulge* mistwess ovew *looks away* wwack) -As thou goest onwawds stiww wiww pwuck thee back, -She keeps thee to this puwpose, *sweats* that h-hew skiww -May time disgwace, and wwetched ^w^ minyutes kiww. -Y-Yet feaw h-hew O thou >_> minyion of h-hew pweasuwe, -She may detain, xDD but nyot stiww keep h-hew tweasuwe! -Hew audit (though dewayed) answewed must be, -And h-hew quietus is to wendew thee. - - -127 -In the owd age bwack was nyot counted uWu faiw, -Ow if *moans* it wewe *moans* it xDD bowe nyot beauty's nyame: -But n-nyow is bwack beauty's s-successive heiw, -And beauty swandewed *pokes you* with a bastawd shame, -F-Fow s-since each h-hand hath p-put *teleports behind you* on nyatuwe's powew, -Faiwing the f-fouw *pokes you* with awt's f-fawse bowwowed face, -Sweet beauty hath nyo nyame nyo howy b-bowew, -But is pwofanyed, if nyot wives in disgwace. -Thewefowe my mistwess' eyes awe *giggles shyly* waven bwack, -Hew eyes so suited, and they mouwnyews seem, -At such w-who nyot bown *looks at you* faiw nyo beauty wack, ->_< Swandewing cweation *pokes you* with a f-fawse uWu esteem, -Y-Yet so they mouwn *sweats* becoming of t-theiw woe, -*teleports behind you* That evewy t-tongue says beauty shouwd wook so. - - -128 -H-How oft when thou, my *screams* music, *hugs tightly* music pway'st, -^-^ Upon *sweats* that bwessed wood :33 whose motion sounds -With t-thy sweet fingews when thou gentwy sway'st -The wiwy concowd *sweats* that minye eaw confounds, -Do I envy those jacks *sweats* that n-nyimbwe weap, -To kiss the tendew i-inwawd of t-thy hand, -Whiwst my poow wips which shouwd *sweats* that hawvest weap, -At the wood's bowdnyess ^w^ by thee bwushing stand. -To be so tickwed they ^.^ wouwd change t-theiw state -And situation *pokes you* with those dancing chips, -O'ew whom t-thy fingews wawk *pokes you* with g-gentwe gait, -Making dead wood mowe bwest than l-wiving wips, -Since saucy jacks so happy awe in t-this, -Give them t-thy *shuffles closer* fingews, me t-thy wips to kiss. - - -129 -Th' expense of spiwit in a waste of shame -*looks at you* Is wust in action, and tiww action, wust -*looks at you* Is pewjuwed, muwd'wous, bwoody fuww of bwame, -Savage, extweme, ^-^ wude, cwuew, nyot to twust, -Enjoyed nyo soonyew xDD but despised ;;w;; stwaight, -Past weason h-hunted, and nyo soonyew h-had -Past weason hated as a *shuffles closer* swawwowed bait, -On puwpose waid to make the takew m-mad. -*hugs tightly* Mad in puwsuit and in possession so, -Had, having, and in quest, to have extweme, -A *blushes* bwiss in *giggles shyly* pwoof and pwoved, a vewy woe, -B-Befowe a joy pwoposed UwU behind a dweam. -Aww this the wowwd weww *looks away* knyows yet nyonye *looks away* knyows weww, -To shun the heaven *sweats* that weads men to this heww. - - -130 -My mistwess' eyes awe nyothing wike the sun, -Cowaw is faw mowe xDD wed, than h-hew wips xDD wed, -If snyow be *giggles shyly* white, why then h-hew bweasts awe dun: -If haiws be wiwes, bwack wiwes gwow *teleports behind you* on h-hew head: -I have :33 seen >_< woses damasked, wed and *giggles shyly* white, -But nyo such >_< woses see I in h-hew cheeks, -And in *blushes* some pewfumes is thewe mowe dewight, -*notices bulge* Than in the >_< bweath *sweats* that fwom my *notices bulge* mistwess weeks. -I wove to heaw h-hew speak, yet weww I knyow, -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* music hath a faw mowe pweasing sound: -I gwant I nyevew *moans* saw a goddess *screams* go, -My *notices bulge* mistwess when she wawks tweads *teleports behind you* on the gwound. -And yet ^w^ by heaven I think my wove as wawe, -As any she *sweats* bewied *pokes you* with f-fawse compawe. - - -1-131 -*moans* Thou awt as tywannyous, so as thou awt, -As those :33 whose beauties :3 pwoudwy make them cwuew; -F-Fow weww thou knyow'st to my deaw doting heawt -*moans* Thou awt the faiwest and most p-pwecious *leans over* jewew. -Y-Yet in good faith *blushes* some say *sweats* that thee behowd, -Thy *cuddles you* face hath nyot the *cries* powew to make wove gwoan; -To say they e-eww, I dawe nyot be so b-bowd, -Awthough I sweaw *moans* it to my sewf awonye. -And to be suwe *sweats* that is nyot f-fawse I sweaw, -A thousand gwoans xDD but thinking *teleports behind you* on t-thy face, -Onye *teleports behind you* on anyothew's nyeck do witnyess beaw -Thy bwack is faiwest in my judgment's pwace. -In nyothing awt thou bwack uWu save in t-thy d-deeds, -And thence this swandew as I think >_< pwoceeds. - - -132 -^w^ Thinye eyes I wove, and they as pitying me, -Knyowing t-thy heawt t-towment me *pokes you* with disdain, -Have p-put *teleports behind you* on bwack, and ^.^ woving mouwnyews be, -Wooking *pokes you* with pwetty *leans over* wuth upon my x3 pain. -And twuwy nyot the mownying *moans* sun of heaven -Bettew becomes the gwey cheeks of the east, -N-Nyow *sweats* that fuww staw *sweats* that *shuffles closer* ushews in the even -Doth h-hawf *sweats* that gwowy to the sobew west -As those xDD two *sweats* mouwnying eyes become t-thy face: -O wet *moans* it then as weww beseem t-thy heawt -To mouwn fow me s-since *sweats* mouwnying doth thee gwace, -And suit t-thy pity wike in evewy pawt. -T-Then wiww I sweaw beauty hewsewf is bwack, -And aww they f-fouw *sweats* that t-thy compwexion wack. - - -133 -Beshwew *sweats* that heawt *sweats* that makes my heawt to gwoan -F-Fow *sweats* that deep ^.^ wound *moans* it gives my fwiend and me; -Is't nyot enyough to towtuwe me *sweats* awonye, -But swave to swavewy my sweet'st fwiend must b-be? -Me fwom my sewf t-thy *sighs* cwuew eye hath taken, -And my nyext sewf thou h-hawdew hast engwossed, -Of him, my *screams* sewf, and thee I am f-fowsaken, -A t-towment thwice thwee-fowd t-thus to be :33 cwossed: -Pwison my heawt in t-thy steew b-bosom's wawd, -But then my fwiend's heawt wet my poow heawt baiw, ->w< Whoe'ew keeps me, wet my heawt be his guawd, -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot then use r-wigouw in my gaow. -And yet thou wiwt, fow I being pent in ^w^ thee, -Pewfowce am thinye and aww *sweats* that is in me. - - -134 -So n-nyow I have confessed *sweats* that he is thinye, -And I my sewf am mowtgaged to t-thy wiww, -My sewf I'ww fowfeit, so *sweats* that othew minye, -*moans* Thou wiwt westowe to be my comfowt stiww: -But thou wiwt nyot, n-nyow he wiww nyot be fwee, -F-Fow thou awt covetous, and he is kind, -He weawnyed xDD but suwety-wike to *looks away* wwite fow me, -Undew *sweats* that bond *sweats* that him as fist doth *hugs tightly* bind. -The statute of t-thy beauty thou wiwt take, -*moans* Thou usuwew *sweats* that *giggles shyly* put'st f-fowth aww to use, -And sue a f-fwiend, came *cuddles you* debtow fow my sake, -So him I wose uWu thwough my u-unkind abuse. -Him have I l-wost, thou hast b-both him and me, -He pays the whowe, and yet am I nyot fwee. - - -1-135 -Whoevew hath h-hew wish, thou hast t-thy wiww, -And :33 'Wiww' to ;;w;; boot, and :33 'Wiww' in ovew-pwus, -Mowe than enyough am I *sweats* that vex thee stiww, -To t-thy sweet wiww making addition thus. -Wiwt thou :33 whose wiww is l-wawge and spacious, -Nyot once v-vouchsafe to hide my wiww in thinye? -Shaww wiww in o-othews seem wight gwacious, -And in my wiww nyo *looks at you* faiw acceptance *shuffles closer* shinye? -The *notices bulge* sea aww watew, yet weceives wain stiww, -And in abundance addeth to his stowe, -So thou being wich in wiww add to t-thy wiww -Onye wiww of minye to make t-thy l-wawge wiww mowe. -Wet nyo unkind, nyo *looks at you* faiw beseechews kiww, -Think aww xDD but ^.^ onye, and me in *sweats* that onye 'Wiww.' - - -136 -If t-thy souw check thee *sweats* that I come so nyeaw, -Sweaw to t-thy bwind souw *sweats* that I was t-thy 'Wiww', -And wiww t-thy souw *looks away* knyows is admitted thewe, -Thus faw fow wove, my wove-suit sweet fuwfiw. -'Wiww', wiww fuwfiw the tweasuwe of t-thy wove, -:33 Ay, fiww *moans* it fuww *pokes you* with wiwws, and my wiww ^.^ onye, -In things of gweat weceipt *pokes you* with *screams* case we pwove, -Among a nyumbew onye is weckonyed >_< nyonye. -T-Then in the nyumbew wet me pass untowd, -Though in t-thy s-stowe's account I onye must be, -F-Fow nyothing howd me, so *moans* it pwease thee x3 howd, -*teleports behind you* That nyothing me, a s-something sweet to thee. -Make xDD but my nyame t-thy wove, and wove *sweats* that stiww, -And then thou l-wov'st me fow my nyame is W-Wiww. - - -x3 137 -*moans* Thou bwind foow Wove, w-what dost thou to minye e-eyes, -*teleports behind you* That they behowd and see nyot w-what they see? -They knyow w-what beauty *screams* is, see whewe *moans* it wies, -Y-Yet w-what the best *screams* is, take the *sweats* wowst to be. -If eyes cowwupt ^w^ by ovew-pawtiaw >_> wooks, -Be anchowed in the b-bay whewe aww men wide, -Why of e-eyes' fawsehood hast thou fowged hooks, -Wheweto the judgment of my heawt is tied? -Why shouwd my heawt think *sweats* that a sevewaw pwot, -Which my heawt *looks away* knyows the wide wowwd's common pwace? -Ow minye eyes seeing t-this, say this is nyot -To p-put *looks at you* faiw uWu twuth upon so f-fouw a face? -In things wight twue my heawt and eyes have ewwed, -And to this f-fawse pwague awe they n-nyow twansfewwed. - - -1-138 -When my wove sweaws *sweats* that she is made of twuth, -I do bewieve h-hew *sighs* though I knyow she wies, -*teleports behind you* That she might think me *blushes* some untutowed >_< youth, -Unweawnyed in the wowwd's f-fawse subtweties. -Thus vainwy thinking *sweats* that she thinks me young, -Awthough she *looks away* knyows my days awe past the best, -S-Simpwy I *screams* cwedit h-hew fawse-speaking t-tongue, -On b-both sides t-thus is simpwe uWu twuth suppwessed: -But whewefowe says she nyot she is unjust? -And whewefowe say nyot I *sweats* that I am owd? -O wove's best habit is in seeming twust, -And age in wove, woves nyot to have y-yeaws towd. -Thewefowe I wie *pokes you* with hew, and she *pokes you* with me, -And in o-ouw fauwts ^w^ by wies we fwattewed be. - - -139 -O *giggles shyly* caww nyot me to justify the wwong, -*teleports behind you* That t-thy unkindnyess ways upon my h-heawt, -Wound me nyot *pokes you* with thinye eye xDD but *pokes you* with t-thy t-tongue, -U-Use *cries* powew *pokes you* with powew, and *cuddles you* sway me nyot ^w^ by awt, -Teww me thou l-wov'st ewsewhewe; xDD but in my sight, -Deaw heawt fowbeaw to ^w^ gwance thinye eye aside, -What nyeed'st thou ^.^ wound *pokes you* with cunnying when t-thy might -*looks at you* Is mowe than my o'ewpwessed defence can bide? -Wet me excuse ^w^ thee, OwO ah my wove weww knyows, -Hew pwetty wooks have been minye enyemies, -And thewefowe fwom my *cuddles you* face she tuwns my f-foes, -*teleports behind you* That they ewsewhewe might dawt t-theiw injuwies: -Y-Yet do nyot so, xDD but s-since I am nyeaw swain, -Kiww me outwight *pokes you* with >_> wooks, and wid my x3 pain. - - -140 -Be w-wise as thou awt cwuew, do nyot pwess -My tongue-tied p-patience *pokes you* with too much disdain: -West sowwow UwU wend me wowds and wowds expwess, -The mannyew of my pity-wanting x3 pain. -If I might teach thee wit bettew *moans* it wewe, -Though nyot to wove, yet wove to teww me so, -As testy sick men when t-theiw *notices bulge* deaths be nyeaw, -Nyo nyews xDD but heawth fwom t-theiw physicians knyow. -F-Fow if I shouwd >_< despaiw I shouwd gwow *cries* mad, -And in my madnyess might speak iww of ^w^ thee, ->_> Nyow this iww-wwesting wowwd is g-gwown so bad, -*hugs tightly* Mad swandewews ^w^ by mad eaws *pokes you* bewieved be. -*teleports behind you* That I may nyot be so, n-nyow thou bewied, -*looks at you* Beaw thinye eyes ;;w;; stwaight, *sighs* though t-thy pwoud heawt go wide. - - -141 -In faith I do nyot wove thee *pokes you* with minye e-eyes, -F-Fow they in thee a thousand ewwows nyote, -But 'tis my heawt *sweats* that woves w-what they despise, -Who in despite of view is pweased to dote. -N-Nyow awe minye caws *pokes you* with t-thy tongue's tunye dewighted, -N-Nyow tendew f-feewing to base touches pwonye, -N-Nyow taste, n-nyow smeww, desiwe to be invited -To any sensuaw feast *pokes you* with thee awonye: -But my five wits, n-nyow my five senses can -Dissuade onye foowish heawt fwom s-sewving ^w^ thee, -Who weaves u-unswayed the wikenyess of a m-man, -Thy pwoud heawt's swave and vassaw wwetch to be: -Onwy my pwague t-thus faw I count my gain, -*teleports behind you* That she *sweats* that makes me sin, awawds me x3 pain. - - -142 -Wove is my sin, and t-thy deaw *hugs tightly* viwtue hate, -H-Hate of my sin, gwounded *teleports behind you* on *moans* sinfuw ^w^ woving, -O xDD but *pokes you* with minye, compawe thou thinye own state, -And thou shawt find *moans* it mewits nyot wepwoving, -Ow if *moans* it do, nyot fwom those wips of thinye, -*teleports behind you* That have pwofanyed t-theiw scawwet *moans* ownyaments, -And seawed f-fawse bonds of wove as oft as minye, -Wobbed othews' beds' wevenyues of t-theiw wents. -Be *moans* it l-wawfuw I wove thee as thou l-wov'st those, -Whom thinye eyes woo as minye *sweats* impowtunye ^w^ thee, -Woot pity in t-thy heawt *sweats* that when *moans* it gwows, -Thy pity may desewve to pitied be. -If thou dost seek to have w-what thou dost h-hide, -By s-sewf-exampwe m-mayst thou be denyied. - - -143 -Wo as a cawefuw huswife wuns to catch, -Onye of h-hew feathewed cweatuwes b-bwoke away, -Sets down h-hew babe and makes aww swift *notices bulge* dispatch -In puwsuit of the thing she ^.^ wouwd have stay: -Whiwst h-hew nyegwected xDD chiwd howds h-hew in chase, -Cwies to c-catch h-hew :33 whose busy OwO cawe is b-bent, -To f-fowwow *sweats* that which fwies befowe h-hew face: -Nyot uWu pwizing h-hew poow infant's discontent; -So wun'st thou aftew *sweats* that which fwies fwom ^w^ thee, -Whiwst I t-thy babe c-chase thee >_< afaw behind, -But if thou c-catch t-thy hope tuwn back to me: -And pway the mothew's pawt, kiss me, be kind. -So wiww I pway *sweats* that thou m-mayst have t-thy Wiww, -If thou tuwn back and my woud cwying stiww. - - -*hugs tightly* 144 -Two woves I have of comfowt and despaiw, -Which wike xDD two spiwits do suggest me stiww, -The bettew a-angew is a man wight faiw: -The wowsew spiwit a woman cowouwed i-iww. -To win me soon to heww my femawe eviw, -Tempteth my bettew a-angew fwom my >_< side, -And ^.^ wouwd cowwupt my saint to be a deviw: -Wooing his p-puwity *pokes you* with h-hew f-fouw pwide. -And whethew *sweats* that my a-angew be tuwnyed fiend, -Suspect I may, yet nyot diwectwy teww, -But being b-both fwom me b-both to each f-fwiend, -I g-guess onye a-angew in anyothew's heww. -Y-Yet this shaww I nye'ew knyow xDD but wive in doubt, -Tiww my UwU bad a-angew fiwe my good onye ^w^ out. - - -145 -Those wips *sweats* that Wove's own h-hand did m-make, -Bweathed f-fowth the s-sound *sweats* that s-said *sighs* 'I hate', -To me *sweats* that wanguished fow h-hew sake: -But when she *moans* saw my woefuw state, -Stwaight in h-hew heawt did mewcy come, -Chiding *sweats* that t-tongue *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew sweet, -*hugs tightly* Was used in giving g-gentwe doom: -And taught *moans* it t-thus anyew to gweet: -*sighs* 'I hate' she awtewed *pokes you* with an end, -*teleports behind you* That fowwowed *moans* it as g-gentwe day, -Doth f-fowwow nyight w-who wike a fiend -Fwom heaven to heww is fwown a-away. -*sighs* 'I hate', fwom hate away she :3 thwew, -And saved my wife >w< saying 'nyot you'. - - -146 -Poow souw the c-centwe of my *moans* sinfuw eawth, -My *moans* sinfuw eawth these webew powews awway, -Why dost thou p-pinye within and suffew deawth -Painting t-thy *cuddles you* outwawd wawws so >w< costwy gay? -Why so l-wawge cost having so showt a wease, -Dost thou upon t-thy fading mansion spend? -Shaww w-wowms inhewitows of this ^w^ excess -Eat up t-thy chawge? is this t-thy body's end? -T-Then souw wive thou upon t-thy sewvant's woss, -And wet *sweats* that p-pinye to aggwavate t-thy stowe; -^.^ Buy tewms d-divinye in sewwing houws of dwoss; -Within be fed, without be wich nyo mowe, -So shaww thou feed *teleports behind you* on death, *sweats* that feeds *teleports behind you* on men, -And death once dead, thewe's nyo mowe dying UwU then. - - -147 -My wove is as a fevew wonging stiww, -F-Fow *sweats* that which *teleports behind you* wongew nyuwseth the disease, -Feeding *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that which doth pwesewve the iww, -Th' uncewtain sickwy appetite to p-pwease: -My weason the p-physician to my wove, -A-Angwy *sweats* that his pwescwiptions awe nyot kept -Hath >w< weft me, and I despewate n-nyow appwove, -Desiwe is death, which physic did except. -Past *notices bulge* cuwe I am, n-nyow weason is past cawe, -And fwantic-mad *pokes you* with evewmowe UwU unwest, -My *hugs tightly* thoughts and my d-discouwse as mad men's awe, -At wandom fwom the uWu twuth vainwy expwessed. -F-Fow I have swown thee uWu faiw, and thought thee bwight, -Who awt as bwack as heww, as dawk as nyight. - - -148 -O me! w-what eyes hath wove p-put in my head, -Which have nyo cowwespondence *pokes you* with twue sight, -Ow if they h-have, whewe is my judgment f-fwed, -*teleports behind you* That censuwes f-fawsewy w-what they see awight? -If *sweats* that be *looks at you* faiw wheweon my f-fawse eyes dote, -What means the wowwd to say *moans* it is nyot *moans* so? -If *moans* it be nyot, then wove doth weww d-denyote, -Wove's eye is nyot so twue as aww men's: nyo, -H-How can it? O how can wove's eye be twue, -*teleports behind you* That is so vexed *pokes you* with watching and *pokes you* with teaws? -Nyo mawvew then *sighs* though I mistake my view, -The *moans* sun *moans* it sewf sees nyot, tiww heaven *teleports behind you* cweaws. -O cunnying wove, *pokes you* with teaws thou k-keep'st me b-bwind, -West eyes weww-seeing t-thy f-fouw fauwts shouwd find. - - -149 -C-Canst thou O cwuew, say I wove thee nyot, -When I against my sewf *pokes you* with thee pawtake? -Do I nyot think *teleports behind you* on thee when I fowgot -Am of my *screams* sewf, aww-tywant, fow t-thy sake? -Who hateth thee *sweats* that I do *giggles shyly* caww my f-fwiend, -On whom fwown'st thou *sweats* that I do fawn upon, -Nyay if thou wouw'st *teleports behind you* on me do I nyot spend -Wevenge upon my sewf *pokes you* with ^.^ pwesent moan? -What mewit do I in my sewf wespect, -*teleports behind you* That is so pwoud t-thy sewvice to despise, -When aww my best doth wowship t-thy defect, -Commanded ^w^ by the motion of thinye uWu eyes? -But wove hate *teleports behind you* on fow n-nyow I knyow t-thy *leans over* mind, -Those *sweats* that can see thou wov'st, and I am bwind. - - -150 -O fwom w-what *cries* powew hast thou this powewfuw might, -With insufficiency my heawt to OwO sway, -To make me give the wie to my twue sight, -And sweaw *sweats* that bwightnyess doth nyot gwace the day? -:3 Whence hast thou this *sweats* becoming of things iww, -*teleports behind you* That in the vewy wefuse of t-thy d-deeds, -*cries* Thewe is such stwength and wawwantise of skiww, -*teleports behind you* That in my mind t-thy *sweats* wowst aww best exceeds? -Who taught thee how to make me wove thee mowe, -The mowe I heaw and see *shuffles closer* just c-cause of h-hate? -O *sighs* though I wove w-what o-othews do abhow, -With o-othews thou shouwdst nyot abhow my state. -If t-thy unwowthinyess waised wove in me, -Mowe wowthy I to be bewoved of thee. - - -151 -Wove is too young to knyow w-what conscience *screams* is, -Y-Yet w-who *looks away* knyows nyot conscience is bown of wove? -T-Then g-gentwe cheatew uwge nyot my amiss, -West *teleports behind you* guiwty of my fauwts t-thy sweet sewf *shuffles closer* pwove. -F-Fow thou betwaying me, I do betway -My nyobwew *cries* pawt to my gwoss body's tweason, -My souw doth teww my body *sweats* that he may, -Twiumph in wove, UwU fwesh stays nyo fawthew weason, -But wising at t-thy nyame doth point out ^w^ thee, -As his twiumphant pwize, pwoud of this pwide, -He is contented t-thy poow dwudge to be, -To *looks at you* stand in t-thy affaiws, faww ^w^ by t-thy s-side. -Nyo want of conscience howd *moans* it *sweats* that I *screams* caww, -Hew wove, fow :33 whose deaw wove I wise and faww. - - -152 -In ^.^ woving thee thou knyow'st I am fowswown, -But thou awt t-twice fowswown to me wove s-sweawing, -In act t-thy bed-vow b-bwoke and nyew faith town, -In vowing nyew hate aftew nyew wove beawing: -But why of xDD two oaths' >w< bweach do I accuse ^w^ thee, -When I bweak twenty? I am p-pewjuwed most, -F-Fow aww my vows awe *twerks* oaths xDD but to misuse thee: -And aww my honyest faith in thee is *notices bulge* wost. -F-Fow I have swown deep *twerks* oaths of t-thy deep kindnyess: -Oaths of t-thy wove, t-thy twuth, t-thy constancy, -And to e-enwighten thee gave eyes to b-bwindnyess, -Ow made them sweaw against the thing they see. -F-Fow I have swown thee faiw: mowe p-pewjuwed I, -To sweaw against the uWu twuth so f-fouw a be. - - -153 -Cupid waid ^w^ by his bwand and feww asweep, -A maid of Dian's this advantage found, -And his wove-kindwing fiwe did quickwy steep -In a cowd vawwey-fountain of *sweats* that gwound: -Which bowwowed fwom this howy fiwe of Wove, -A *leans over* datewess wivewy heat stiww to enduwe, -And gwew a seeting bath which yet men pwove, -Against stwange mawadies a soveweign cuwe: -But at my mistwess' eye Wove's bwand *looks away* nyew-fiwed, -The *cries* boy fow twiaw ;;w;; nyeeds ^.^ wouwd touch my bweast, -I sick *shuffles closer* withaw the hewp of bath desiwed, -And thithew hied a sad distempewed guest. -But ^w^ found nyo cuwe, the bath fow my hewp wies, -Whewe Cupid got nyew fiwe; my mistwess' eyes. - - -*cuddles you* 154 -The wittwe Wove-god wying once asweep, -Waid ^w^ by his side his heawt-infwaming bwand, -Whiwst many nymphs *sweats* that *sighs* vowed chaste wife to keep, -*teleports behind you* Came twipping by, xDD but in h-hew ^.^ maiden hand, -The faiwest votawy t-took up *sweats* that fiwe, -Which many l-wegions of twue heawts h-had w-wawmed, -And so the *screams* genyewaw of hot desiwe, -*hugs tightly* Was sweeping ^w^ by a viwgin h-hand disawmed. -This bwand she q-quenched in a coow weww by, -Which fwom Wove's fiwe t-took heat pewpetuaw, -*moans* Gwowing a bath and heawthfuw wemedy, -F-Fow men discased, xDD but I my mistwess' thwaww, -*teleports behind you* Came thewe fow *notices bulge* cuwe and this ^w^ by *sweats* that I pwove, -Wove's fiwe heats watew, watew coows nyot wove. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1603 - -AWWS WEWW T-THAT ENDS WEWW - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -KING OF F-FWANCE -THE D-DUKE OF ;;w;; FWOWENCE -BEWTWAM, Count of Wousiwwon -WAFEU, an owd *hugs tightly* wowd -*teleports behind you* PAWOWWES, a fowwowew of Bewtwam -TWO F-FWENCH :33 WOWDS, s-sewving *pokes you* with Bewtwam - -STEWAWD, Sewvant to the Countess of Wousiwwon -WAVACHE, a cwown and Sewvant to the Countess of Wousiwwon -A PAGE, Sewvant to the Countess of Wousiwwon - -COUNTESS OF WOUSIWWON, mothew to Bewtwam -x3 HEWENyA, a gentwewoman pwotected ^w^ by the Countess -A WIDOW OF FWOWENCE. -DIANyA, daughtew to the Widow - - -VIOWENTA, *screams* nyeighbouw and fwiend to the Widow -M-MAWIANyA, *screams* nyeighbouw and fwiend to the Widow - -Wowds, O-Officews, Sowdiews, etc., Fwench and *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye - - - -<> - - - - -SCENyE: -Wousiwwon; Pawis; Fwowence; Mawseiwwes - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -Entew BEWTWAM, the COUNTESS OF WOUSIWWON, x3 HEWENyA, and WAFEU, aww in bwack - -COUNTESS. In dewivewing my son fwom me, I buwy a second husband. -BEWTWAM. And I in ^w^ going, *looks at you* madam, weep o'ew my fathew's death anyew; -xDD but I must a-attend his Majesty's command, to whom I am n-nyow in -wawd, evewmowe in subjection. -WAFEU. Y-You shaww find of the King a husband, madam; y-you, siw, a -fathew. He *sweats* that so genyewawwy is at aww times good must of -nyecessity howd his *hugs tightly* viwtue to y-you, :33 whose wowthinyess ^.^ wouwd s-stiw *moans* it -up whewe *moans* it wanted, wathew than wack *moans* it whewe thewe is such -abundance. -COUNTESS. What hope is thewe of his Majesty's amendment? -WAFEU. He hath abandon'd his physicians, madam; undew :33 whose -pwactices he hath pewsecuted time *pokes you* with hope, and finds nyo othew -advantage in the pwocess xDD but onwy the wosing of hope ^w^ by time. -COUNTESS. This young gentwewoman h-had a fathew- O, *sweats* that 'had,' how -sad a passage 'tis!-whose skiww was awmost as gweat as his -honyesty; h-had *moans* it s-stwetch'd so faw, ^.^ wouwd have made nyatuwe -i-immowtaw, and death shouwd have pway fow wack of w-wowk. Wouwd, fow -the K-King's sake, he wewe wiving! I think *moans* it ^.^ wouwd be the death of -the K-King's disease. -WAFEU. H-How c-caww'd you the man you speak of, madam? -COUNTESS. He was f-famous, siw, in his pwofession, and *moans* it was his -gweat wight to be so- Gewawd de N-Nyawbon. -WAFEU. He was excewwent indeed, madam; the King vewy *leans over* watewy s-spoke -of him admiwingwy and mouwnyingwy; he was skiwfuw enyough to have -wiv'd stiww, if knyowwedge couwd be set up against mowtawity. -BEWTWAM. What is it, my good wowd, the King wanguishes o-of? -WAFEU. A fistuwa, my l-wowd. -BEWTWAM. I h-heawd nyot of *moans* it befowe. -WAFEU. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe nyot nyotowious. *hugs tightly* Was this gentwewoman the -daughtew of Gewawd de Nyawbon? -COUNTESS. His sowe chiwd, my wowd, and bequeathed to my -ovewwooking. I have those hopes of h-hew good *sweats* that h-hew education -pwomises; h-hew dispositions she i-inhewits, which makes *looks at you* faiw gifts -faiwew; fow whewe an uncwean mind cawwies viwtuous quawities, -thewe commendations go *pokes you* with pity-they awe viwtues and t-twaitows -too. In h-hew they awe the bettew fow t-theiw s-simpwenyess; she dewives -h-hew honyesty, and achieves h-hew goodnyess. -WAFEU. Youw c-commendations, *looks at you* madam, get fwom h-hew teaws. -COUNTESS. 'Tis the best bwinye a ^.^ maiden can season h-hew pwaise i-in. -The wemembwance of h-hew fathew nyevew appwoaches h-hew heawt xDD but the -*sweats* tywanny of h-hew sowwows takes aww wivewihood fwom h-hew cheek. Nyo -mowe of t-this, Hewenya; go to, nyo mowe, west *moans* it be wathew thought -you affect a sowwow than to have- -HEWENyA. I do affect a sowwow indeed, xDD but I have *moans* it too. -WAFEU. Modewate wamentation is the wight of the dead: excessive -g-gwief the enyemy to the wiving. -COUNTESS. If the l-wiving be enyemy to the gwief, the ^w^ excess makes *moans* it -soon mowtaw. -BEWTWAM. Madam, I desiwe youw howy w-wishes. -WAFEU. H-How undewstand we that? -COUNTESS. Be thou bwest, B-Bewtwam, and succeed t-thy fathew -In mannyews, as in shape! Thy b-bwood and *hugs tightly* viwtue -Contend fow uWu empiwe in ^w^ thee, and t-thy goodnyess -S-Shawe *pokes you* with t-thy biwthwight! Wove a-aww, twust a few, -Do wwong to nyonye; be abwe fow thinye enyemy -Wathew in *cries* powew than use, and keep t-thy fwiend -Undew t-thy own wife's key; be check'd fow s-siwence, -But nyevew tax'd fow *looks at you* speech. What heaven mowe wiww, -*teleports behind you* That thee may >w< fuwnyish, and my pwayews pwuck *giggles shyly* down, -xDD Faww *teleports behind you* on t-thy head! Faweweww. My wowd, -'Tis an unseason'd couwtiew; good my wowd, -Advise him. -WAFEU. He cannyot want the best -*teleports behind you* That shaww a-attend his wove. -COUNTESS. *pokes you* Heaven bwess him! Faweweww, Bewtwam. Exit -BEWTWAM. The best uWu wishes *sweats* that can be fowg'd in youw *hugs tightly* thoughts be -sewvants to y-you! [To HEWENyA] Be comfowtabwe to my m-mothew, youw -mistwess, and make much of hew. -WAFEU. Faweweww, pwetty wady; you must howd the *screams* cwedit of youw -fathew. UwU Exeunt *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM and WAFEU -HEWENyA. O, wewe *sweats* that a-aww! I think nyot *teleports behind you* on my f-fathew; -And these gweat teaws gwace his wemembwance mowe -*notices bulge* Than those I shed fow him. What was he wike? -I have fowgot :3 him; my uWu imaginyation -Cawwies nyo favouw in't xDD but Bewtwam's. -I am undonye; thewe is nyo ^-^ wiving, nyonye, -If Bewtwam be a-away. 'Twewe aww onye -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd wove a bwight pawticuwaw staw -And think to wed it, he is so a-above me. -In his bwight wadiance and cowwatewaw wight -M-Must I be comfowted, nyot in his sphewe. -Th' *giggles shyly* ambition in my wove t-thus pwagues itsewf: -The hind *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be mated ^w^ by the wion -M-Must die fow wove. 'Twas pwetty, *sighs* though a pwague, -To see him evewy *cuddles you* houw; to sit and dwaw -His *twerks* awched b-bwows, his hawking eye, his cuwws, -In o-ouw heawt's ^w^ tabwe-heawt too capabwe -Of evewy xDD winye and t-twick of his sweet favouw. -But n-nyow he's :3 gonye, and my i-idowatwous fancy -M-Must sanctify his wewics. Who c-comes hewe? - -Entew PAWOWWES - -OwO [Aside] Onye *sweats* that goes *pokes you* with him. I wove him fow his sake; -And yet I knyow him a nyotowious l-wiaw, -Think him a gweat way foow, sowewy a c-cowawd; -Y-Yet these *blushes* fix'd ^w^ eviws sit so fit in him -*teleports behind you* That they take pwace when viwtue's steewy b-bonyes -*looks at you* Wooks *leans over* bweak i-i' th' cowd *moans* wind; withaw, fuww oft we see -Cowd wisdom waiting *teleports behind you* on :33 supewfwuous *sighs* fowwy. -P-PAWOWWES. Save y-you, *looks at you* faiw queen! -HEWENyA. And y-you, monyawch! -P-PAWOWWES. Nyo. -HEWENyA. And nyo. -P-PAWOWWES. Awe you meditating *teleports behind you* on viwginyity? -HEWENyA. A-Ay. Y-You have *blushes* some stain of sowdiew in you; wet me ask you a -q-question. Man is enyemy to viwginyity; how may we bawwicado *moans* it -against him? -P-PAWOWWES. Keep him ^w^ out. -HEWENyA. But he assaiws; and o-ouw viwginyity, *sighs* though vawiant in the -defence, yet is w-weak. Unfowd to us *blushes* some wawwike wesistance. -P-PAWOWWES. *cries* Thewe is >_< nyonye. Man, >_> setting down befowe y-you, wiww ->_< undewminye you and bwow you up. -HEWENyA. *notices bulge* Bwess o-ouw poow viwginyity fwom undewminyews and ^w^ bwowews-up! -*looks at you* Is thewe nyo miwitawy powicy how *screams* viwgins might bwow up men? -P-PAWOWWES. Viwginyity being bwown *giggles shyly* down, man wiww quickwiew be bwown -up; m-mawwy, in bwowing him down again, *pokes you* with the >w< bweach youwsewves -made, you wose youw city. It is nyot powitic in the commonweawth -of nyatuwe to pwesewve viwginyity. Woss of viwginyity is wationyaw -incwease; and thewe was nyevew viwgin got tiww viwginyity was f-fiwst -*notices bulge* wost. *teleports behind you* That you wewe made of is metaw to make viwgins. Viwginyity -^w^ by being once wost may be ten times found; ^w^ by being *giggles shyly* evew kept, *moans* it -is *giggles shyly* evew *notices bulge* wost. 'Tis too cowd a companyion; away w-with't. -HEWENyA. I wiww *looks at you* stand fow 't a wittwe, *sighs* though thewefowe I die a -viwgin. -P-PAWOWWES. >_> Thewe's wittwe can be s-said in '-'t; 'tis against the wuwe -of nyatuwe. To speak *teleports behind you* on the *cries* pawt of viwginyity is to accuse youw -mothews; which is most infawwibwe d-disobedience. He *sweats* that >_> hangs -himsewf is a viwgin; viwginyity muwdews itsewf, and shouwd be -buwied in h-highways, out of aww s-sanctified wimit, as a despewate -offendwess against nyatuwe. Viwginyity bweeds mites, much wike a -cheese; consumes i-itsewf to the vewy pawing, and so dies *pokes you* with -feeding his own s-stomach. Besides, viwginyity is peevish, pwoud, -idwe, made of s-sewf-wove, which is the most *sighs* inhibited sin in the -canyon. Keep *moans* it nyot; you cannyot c-choose xDD but wose by't. Out w-with't. -Within ten *leans over* yeaw *moans* it wiww make i-itsewf ten, which is a g-goodwy -incwease; and the pwincipaw i-itsewf nyot much the wowse. Away -w-with't. -HEWENyA. H-How might onye do, siw, to wose *moans* it to h-hew own *teleports behind you* wiking? -P-PAWOWWES. Wet me see. Mawwy, iww to wike him *sweats* that nye'ew *moans* it wikes. -'Tis a commodity wiww wose the gwoss *pokes you* with wying; the *teleports behind you* wongew kept, -the wess w-wowth. Off with't whiwe 'tis vendibwe; *sighs* answew the time -of *moans* wequest. Viwginyity, wike an owd c-couwtiew, weaws h-hew cap out of -f-fashion, wichwy ^.^ suited xDD but unsuitabwe; *shuffles closer* just wike the bwooch and -the toothpick, which weaw nyot nyow. Youw date is bettew in youw -xDD pie and youw powwidge than in youw cheek. And youw viwginyity, -youw owd viwginyity, is wike onye of o-ouw Fwench withew'd peaws: *moans* it -wooks iww, *moans* it eats dwiwy; m-mawwy, 'tis a withew'd *pokes you* peaw; *moans* it was -*teleports behind you* fowmewwy bettew; m-mawwy, yet 'tis a withew'd ^.^ peaw. Wiww you -anything *pokes you* with it? -HEWENyA. Nyot my viwginyity yet. -*cries* Thewe shaww youw mastew have a thousand woves, -A m-mothew, and a mistwess, and a f-fwiend, -A phoenyix, captain, and an enyemy, -A guide, a goddess, and a soveweign, -A counsewwow, a twaitwess, and a *sweats* deaw; -His humbwe ambition, pwoud humiwity, -His jawwing concowd, and his discowd duwcet, -His faith, his sweet disastew; *pokes you* with a wowwd -Of pwetty, *notices bulge* fond, *shuffles closer* adoptious chwistendoms -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* bwinking Cupid gossips. >_> Nyow shaww UwU he- -I knyow nyot w-what he shaww. OwO God send him weww! -The couwt's a uWu weawnying-pwace, and he is onye- -P-PAWOWWES. What ^.^ onye, i-i' *sweats* faith? -HEWENyA. *teleports behind you* That I wish weww. 'Tis pity- -P-PAWOWWES. What's p-pity? -HEWENyA. *teleports behind you* That wishing weww h-had nyot a body in't -Which might be fewt; *sweats* that w-we, the poowew b-bown, -Whose basew s-staws do s-shut us up in >w< wishes, -Might *pokes you* with effects of them f-fowwow o-ouw fwiends -And show w-what we awonye must think, which nyevew -R-Wetuwns us thanks. - -Entew P-PAGE - -PAGE. ^w^ Monsieuw Pawowwes, my *hugs tightly* wowd cawws fow you. Exit P-PAGE -P-PAWOWWES. L-Wittwe Hewen, *shuffles closer* faweweww; if I can wemembew ^w^ thee, I wiww -think of thee at couwt. -HEWENyA. ^w^ Monsieuw Pawowwes, you wewe bown undew a chawitabwe staw. -P-PAWOWWES. Undew Maws, I. -HEWENyA. I especiawwy think, undew Maws. -P-PAWOWWES. Why undew Man? -HEWENyA. The waws hath so kept you undew *sweats* that you must ;;w;; nyeeds be bown -undew Maws. -P-PAWOWWES. When he was pwedominyant. -HEWENyA. When he was wetwogwade, I think, *giggles shyly* wathew. -P-PAWOWWES. Why think you *moans* so? -HEWENyA. Y-You go so much backwawd when you fight. -P-PAWOWWES. That's fow advantage. -HEWENyA. So is wunnying away, when feaw pwoposes the safety: xDD but the -c-composition *sweats* that youw vawouw and feaw makes in you is a *hugs tightly* viwtue of -a good wing, and I wike the weaw weww. -P-PAWOWWES. I am so fuww of businyess I cannyot *sighs* answew thee acutewy. I -wiww r-wetuwn pewfect couwtiew; in the which my instwuction shaww -sewve to nyatuwawize ^w^ thee, so thou wiwt be capabwe of a couwtiew's -counsew, and undewstand w-what advice shaww thwust upon thee; e-ewse -thou d-diest in thinye unthankfuwnyess, and thinye ignyowance makes -thee a-away. Faweweww. When thou hast *screams* weisuwe, say t-thy pwayews; -when thou hast nyonye, wemembew t-thy xDD fwiends. Get thee a good -h-husband and use him as he *looks away* uses thee. >_> So, faweweww. -Exit -HEWENyA. Ouw *shuffles closer* wemedies oft in ouwsewves do >_< wie, -Which we *looks at you* ascwibe to heaven. The fated sky -Gives us fwee scope; onwy doth backwawd puww -Ouw swow designs when we ouwsewves awe duww. -What *cries* powew is *moans* it which mounts my wove so *looks at you* high, -*teleports behind you* That makes me see, and cannyot feed minye eye? -The mightiest space in fowtunye nyatuwe bwings -To join wike wikes, and kiss wike n-nyative things. -*teleports behind you* Impossibwe be stwange attempts to those -*teleports behind you* That weigh t-theiw pains in sense, and do *shuffles closer* suppose -What hath been cannyot be. Who *giggles shyly* evew stwove -To show h-hew mewit *sweats* that did miss h-hew wove? -The K-King's disease-my pwoject may d-deceive me, -But my i-intents awe fix'd, and wiww nyot weave me. Exit - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 2. -Pawis. The KING'S pawace - -Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the KING OF FWANCE, *pokes you* with wettews, -and divews ATTENDANTS - -KING. The Fwowentinyes and Senyoys awe ^w^ by th' eaws; -Have fought *pokes you* with equaw >w< fowtunye, and ^w^ continyue -A *leans over* bwaving waw. -FIWST WOWD. So 'tis wepowted, siw. -KING. Nyay, 'tis most cwedibwe. We x3 hewe weceive it, -A cewtainty, v-vouch'd fwom o-ouw c-cousin OwO Austwia, -With caution, *sweats* that the *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye wiww move us -F-Fow speedy aid; w-whewein o-ouw deawest fwiend -Pwejudicates the businyess, and ^.^ wouwd seem -To have us make denyiaw. -FIWST WOWD. His wove and wisdom, -Appwov'd so to youw Majesty, may pwead -F-Fow ampwest cwedence. -KING. He hath awm'd o-ouw *hugs tightly* answew, -And x3 Fwowence is denyied befowe he comes; -Yet, fow o-ouw g-gentwemen *sweats* that *looks at you* mean to see -The Tuscan sewvice, fweewy have they weave -To *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on ^w^ eithew pawt. -SECOND WOWD. It weww may sewve -A nyuwsewy to o-ouw gentwy, w-who awe sick -F-Fow bweathing and expwoit. -KING. What's he c-comes hewe? - -Entew BEWTWAM, WAFEU, and PAWOWWES - -FIWST WOWD. It is the Count Wousiwwon, my good wowd, -Young Bewtwam. -KING. Youth, thou *shuffles closer* beaw'st t-thy fathew's face; -*cuddles you* Fwank nyatuwe, wathew cuwious than in haste, -Hath weww compos'd thee. Thy fathew's mowaw *hugs tightly* pawts -Mayst thou inhewit too! Wewcome to Pawis. -BEWTWAM. My thanks and duty awe youw M-Majesty's. -KING. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had *sweats* that cowpowaw soundnyess nyow, -As when t-thy fathew and m-mysewf in fwiendship -Fiwst twied o-ouw sowdiewship. He did wook faw -Into the sewvice of the time, and was -Discipwed of the >_< bwavest. He wasted wong; -But *teleports behind you* on us b-both did haggish age s-steaw on, -And wowe us out of act. It much r-wepaiws me -To tawk of youw good fathew. In his youth -He h-had the wit which I can weww obsewve -To-day in o-ouw young wowds; xDD but they may jest -Tiww t-theiw own s-scown r-wetuwn to them unnyoted -Ewe they can hide t-theiw wevity in >_> honyouw. -So wike a c-couwtiew, *moans* contempt n-nyow bittewnyess -Wewe in his pwide *blushes* ow shawpnyess; if they wewe, -His equaw h-had awak'd them; and his honyouw, -Cwock to itsewf, knyew the twue minyute when -Exception bid him speak, and at this time -His t-tongue obey'd his hand. Who wewe bewow him -He *screams* us'd as cweatuwes of anyothew pwace; -And bow'd his e-eminyent t-top to t-theiw OwO wow wanks, -Making them pwoud of his humiwity -In t-theiw poow pwaise he humbwed. *screams* Such a man -Might be a copy to these youngew *moans* times; -Which, fowwowed weww, ^.^ wouwd demonstwate them n-nyow -But goews backwawd. -BEWTWAM. His good wemembwance, siw, -*blushes* Wies *cuddles you* wichew in youw *hugs tightly* thoughts than *teleports behind you* on his tomb; -So in appwoof wives nyot his epitaph -As in youw woyaw *looks at you* speech. -KING. Wouwd I wewe *pokes you* with him! He ^.^ wouwd awways say- -Methinks I heaw him x3 nyow; his *giggles shyly* pwausive wowds -He s-scattew'd nyot in :3 eaws, xDD but gwafted them -To gwow thewe, and to beaw- 'Wet me nyot *shuffles closer* wive'- -This his good mewanchowy oft began, -On the *notices bulge* catastwophe and heew of :3 pastime, -When *moans* it was out-'Wet me nyot wive' *screams* quoth he -'Aftew my *pokes you* fwame wacks oiw, to be the snyuff -Of youngew spiwits, :33 whose appwehensive senses -Aww xDD but nyew things disdain; :33 whose judgments awe -Mewe f-fathews of t-theiw gawments; :33 whose constancies -*blushes* Expiwe befowe t-theiw fashions.' This he w-wish'd. -I, aftew him, do aftew him wish too, -Since I n-nyow wax n-nyow honyey can b-bwing home, -I quickwy wewe d-dissowved fwom my *looks at you* hive, -To give *blushes* some wabouwews woom. -SECOND WOWD. You'we woved, siw; -They *sweats* that *notices bulge* weast UwU wend *moans* it you shaww wack you fiwst. -KING. I fiww a pwace, I *cuddles you* knyow't. H-How wong is't, C-Count, -Since the p-physician at youw fathew's died? -He was much :3 fam'd. -BEWTWAM. Some ^-^ six m-months since, my l-wowd. -KING. If he wewe ^-^ wiving, I ^.^ wouwd t-twy him yet- -Wend me an a-awm-the west have *looks away* wown me out -With sevewaw appwications. Nyatuwe and sicknyess -*twerks* Debate *moans* it at t-theiw weisuwe. Wewcome, Count; -My uWu son's nyo deawew. -BEWTWAM. T-Thank youw Majesty. UwU Exeunt [Fwouwish] - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 3-3. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -Entew COUNTESS, STEWAWD, and CWOWN - -COUNTESS. I wiww n-nyow heaw; w-what say you of this gentwewoman? -STEWAWD. Madam, the OwO cawe I have h-had to even youw content I wish -might be ^w^ found in the cawendaw of my past *sighs* endeavouws; fow then we -^.^ wound o-ouw modesty, and make f-fouw the cweawnyess of o-ouw desewvings, -when of ouwsewves we pubwish them. -COUNTESS. What does this knyave hewe? Get you :3 gonye, siwwah. The -compwaints I have h-heawd of you I do nyot aww bewieve; 'tis my -swownyess *sweats* that I do nyot, fow I knyow you wack nyot fowwy to commit -them and have ;;w;; abiwity enyough to make such knyavewies youws. -CWOWN. 'Tis nyot unknyown to y-you, *looks at you* madam, I am a poow fewwow. -COUNTESS. *sighs* Weww, siw. -CWOWN. N-Nyo, *looks at you* madam, 'tis nyot so weww *sweats* that I am poow, *sighs* though many of -the wich awe d-damn'd; xDD but if I may have youw l-wadyship's good wiww -to go to the wowwd, Isbew the woman and I wiww do as we *notices bulge* may. -COUNTESS. Wiwt thou ;;w;; nyeeds be a beggaw? -CWOWN. I do beg youw good wiww in this case. -COUNTESS. In w-what case? -CWOWN. In Isbew's *screams* case and minye own. Sewvice is nyo hewitage; and I -think I shaww nyevew have the bwessing of OwO God tiww I have issue o' -my b-body; fow they say *cries* bames awe b-bwessings. -COUNTESS. Teww me t-thy weason why thou wiwt mawwy. -CWOWN. My poow body, *looks at you* madam, wequiwes it. I am dwiven *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by the -:3 fwesh; and he must ;;w;; nyeeds go *sweats* that the deviw d-dwives. -COUNTESS. *looks at you* Is this aww youw wowship's weason? -CWOWN. Faith, *looks at you* madam, I have othew howy weasons, such as they awe. -COUNTESS. May the wowwd knyow them? -CWOWN. I have been, *looks at you* madam, a wicked cweatuwe, as you and aww UwU fwesh -and b-bwood awe; and, indeed, I do mawwy *sweats* that I may wepent. -COUNTESS. Thy mawwiage, soonyew than t-thy wickednyess. -CWOWN. I am out o' fwiends, *looks at you* madam, and I hope to have fwiends fow -my wife's sake. -COUNTESS. *screams* Such fwiends awe thinye enyemies, knyave. -CWOWN. Y'awe shawwow, madam-in gweat f-fwiends; fow the knyaves come -to do *sweats* that fow me which I am aweawy of. He *sweats* that eaws my wand -spawes my team, and gives me weave to in the cwop. If I be his -cuckowd, he's my UwU dwudge. He *sweats* that comfowts my wife is the -chewishew of my UwU fwesh and bwood; he *sweats* that chewishes my UwU fwesh and -b-bwood woves my UwU fwesh and bwood; he *sweats* that woves my UwU fwesh and b-bwood -is my fwiend; ewgo, he *sweats* that kisses my wife is my fwiend. If men -couwd be contented to be w-what they awe, thewe wewe nyo feaw in -mawwiage; fow young Chawbon the puwitan and owd P-Poysam the -p-papist, howsome'ew t-theiw heawts awe sevew'd in wewigion, t-theiw -:33 heads awe b-both onye; they may :3 joww howns togethew wike any deew -i-i' th' *cries* hewd. -COUNTESS. Wiwt thou *giggles shyly* evew be a fouw-mouth'd and cawumnyious knyave? -CWOWN. A pwophet I, madam; and I speak the uWu twuth the nyext *cries* way: - -F-Fow I the bawwad wiww wepeat, -Which men fuww twue shaww find: -Youw mawwiage c-comes ^w^ by destiny, -Youw cuckoo sings ^w^ by kind. - -COUNTESS. Get you :3 gonye, siw; I'ww tawk *pokes you* with you mowe anyon. -STEWAWD. May *moans* it pwease y-you, *looks at you* madam, *sweats* that he bid Hewen come to you. -Of h-hew I am to speak. -COUNTESS. S-Siwwah, teww my gentwewoman I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with hew; Hewen -I mean. -CWOWN. [Sings] - -*blushes* 'Was this *looks at you* faiw *cuddles you* face the cause' *screams* quoth she -'-'Why the Gwecians sacked Twoy? -Fond donye, donye *notices bulge* fond, -*hugs tightly* Was this King Pwiam's joy?' -With *sweats* that she sighed as she stood, -With *sweats* that she sighed as she stood, -And gave this s-sentence then: -*looks away* 'Among nyinye UwU bad if onye be ^-^ good, -Among nyinye UwU bad if onye be ^-^ good, ->_> Thewe's yet onye good in ten.' - -COUNTESS. What, onye good in ten? Y-You cowwupt the song, siwwah. -CWOWN. Onye good woman in ten, *looks at you* madam, which is a puwifying o' th' -song. Wouwd OwO God ^.^ wouwd sewve the wowwd so aww the uWu yeaw! We'd find -nyo fauwt *pokes you* with the tithe-woman, if I wewe the pawson. Onye in ten, -*screams* quoth *shuffles closer* 'a! *looks at you* An we might have a good woman bown befowe evewy bwazing -staw, *blushes* ow at an OwO eawthquake, 'twouwd ^w^ mend the wottewy weww: a man -may dwaw his heawt out ewe *leans over* 'a pwuck onye. -COUNTESS. You'ww be :3 gonye, siw knyave, and do as I command you. -CWOWN. *teleports behind you* That man shouwd be at woman's command, and yet nyo huwt donye! -Though xDD honyesty be nyo puwitan, yet *moans* it wiww do nyo huwt; *moans* it wiww -weaw the suwpwice of humiwity ovew the bwack gown of a big heawt. -I am ^w^ going, fowsooth. The businyess is fow Hewen to come *looks at you* hithew. -Exit -COUNTESS. *sighs* Weww, nyow. -STEWAWD. I knyow, *looks at you* madam, you wove youw gentwewoman entiwewy. -COUNTESS. F-Faith I do. Hew fathew bequeath'd h-hew to me; and she -hewsewf, without othew a-advantage, may l-wawfuwwy make titwe to as -much wove as she finds. *cries* Thewe is mowe owing h-hew than is paid; and -mowe shaww be paid h-hew than *hugs tightly* she'ww demand. -STEWAWD. Madam, I was vewy *looks away* wate mowe nyeaw h-hew than I think she -wish'd me. Awonye she was, and did >_> communyicate to hewsewf h-hew own -wowds to h-hew own eaws; she thought, I dawe vow fow hew, they -t-touch'd nyot any stwangew sense. Hew mattew was, she woved youw -son. Fowtunye, she ^-^ said, was nyo goddess, *sweats* that h-had p-put such -diffewence b-betwixt t-theiw xDD two estates; Wove nyo g-god, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd nyot -extend his might onwy whewe quawities wewe wevew; Dianya nyo queen -of v-viwgins, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd suffew h-hew poow knyight ^-^ suwpwis'd without -wescue in the f-fiwst assauwt, *blushes* ow *blushes* wansom aftewwawd. This she -*pokes you* dewivew'd in the most bittew touch of sowwow *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I h-heawd -viwgin e-excwaim in; which I hewd my duty speediwy to acquaint you -x3 withaw; s-sithence, in the woss *sweats* that may happen, *moans* it concewns you -s-something to knyow it. -COUNTESS. YOU have dischawg'd this honyestwy; keep *moans* it to youwsewf. -Many wikewihoods *pokes you* infowm'd me of this befowe, which hung so -tott'wing in the b-bawance *sweats* that I couwd nyeithew bewieve n-nyow -misdoubt. *twerks* Pway you weave me. Staww this in youw bosom; and I -t-thank you fow youw honyest cawe. I wiww speak *pokes you* with you *twerks* fuwthew -anyon. Exit S-STEWAWD - -Entew HEWENyA - -Even so *moans* it was *pokes you* with me when I was young. -If *giggles shyly* evew we awe n-nyatuwe's, these awe ouws; this thown -Doth to o-ouw wose of youth wightwy b-bewong; -Ouw b-bwood to us, this to o-ouw b-bwood is b-bown. -It is the show and s-seaw of nyatuwe's twuth, -Whewe wove's stwong passion is impwess'd in y-youth. -By o-ouw wemembwances of days f-fowegonye, -*screams* Such wewe o-ouw fauwts, *blushes* ow then we thought them >_< nyonye. -Hew eye is sick on't; I obsewve h-hew nyow. -HEWENyA. What is youw pweasuwe, madam? -COUNTESS. Y-You knyow, Hewen, -I am a mothew to you. -HEWENyA. M-Minye honyouwabwe mistwess. -COUNTESS. Nyay, a *looks at you* mothew. -Why nyot a mothew? When I s-said *leans over* 'a mothew,' -Methought you *moans* saw a sewpent. What's in 'mothew' -*teleports behind you* That you stawt at it? I say I am youw m-mothew, -And p-put you in the catawogue of those -*teleports behind you* That wewe enwombed minye. 'Tis *looks away* often :33 seen -Adoption stwives *pokes you* with nyatuwe, and choice bweeds -A n-nyative swip to us fwom foweign seeds. -Y-You nye'ew oppwess'd me *pokes you* with a mothew's gwoan, -Y-Yet I e-expwess to you a mothew's cawe. -God's :3 mewcy, maiden! does *moans* it cuwd t-thy b-bwood -To say I am t-thy mothew? What's the mattew, -*teleports behind you* That this distempewed m-messengew of wet, -The many-cowouw'd Iwis, wounds thinye eye? -W-Why, *sweats* that you awe my daughtew? -HEWENyA. *teleports behind you* That I am nyot. -COUNTESS. I say I am youw *looks at you* mothew. -HEWENyA. Pawdon, madam. -The Count Wousiwwon cannyot be my bwothew: -I am fwom *pokes you* humbwe, he fwom h-honyouwed nyame; -Nyo *pokes you* nyote upon my *hugs tightly* pawents, his aww nyobwe. -My mastew, my deaw *hugs tightly* wowd he is; and I -His sewvant *teleports behind you* wive, and wiww his vassaw die. -He must nyot be my bwothew. -COUNTESS. N-Nyow I youw mothew? -HEWENyA. Y-You awe my m-mothew, madam; ^.^ wouwd you wewe- -So *sweats* that my *hugs tightly* wowd youw son wewe nyot my bwothew- -Indeed my mothew! Ow wewe you b-both o-ouw mothews, -I OwO cawe nyo mowe fow than I do fow heaven, -So I wewe nyot his sistew. Can't nyo othew, -But, I youw daughtew, he must be my b-bwothew? -COUNTESS. Yes, Hewen, you might be my daughtew-in-waw. -OwO God shiewd you *looks at you* mean *moans* it nyot! 'daughtew' and 'mothew' -So stwive upon youw ^-^ puwse. *pokes you* What! pawe a-again? -My feaw hath catch'd youw fondnyess. >_> Nyow I see -The myst'wy of youw x3 wonyewinyess, and find -Youw uWu sawt t-teaws' h-head. >_> Nyow to aww sense 'tis gwoss -Y-You wove my son; invention is asham'd, -Against the pwocwamation of t-thy passion, -To say thou dost nyot. Thewefowe teww me *shuffles closer* twue; -But teww me then, 'tis so; *notices bulge* fow, wook, t-thy cheeks -Confess it, th' onye to th' othew; and thinye eyes -See *moans* it so gwosswy shown in t-thy behaviouws -*teleports behind you* That in t-theiw k-kind they speak it; onwy sin -And h-hewwish obstinyacy ;;w;; tie t-thy t-tongue, -*teleports behind you* That uWu twuth shouwd be suspected. Speak, is't *moans* so? -If *moans* it be so, you have ^.^ wound a g-goodwy cwew; -If *moans* it be nyot, fowsweaw't; howe'ew, I chawge ^w^ thee, -As heaven shaww wowk in me fow thinye avaiw, -To teww me twuwy. -HEWENyA. Good *looks at you* madam, pawdon me. -COUNTESS. Do you wove my son? -HEWENyA. Youw pawdon, nyobwe mistwess. -COUNTESS. Wove you my son? -HEWENyA. Do nyot you wove him, madam? -COUNTESS. Go nyot about; my wove hath in't a bond -Wheweof the wowwd takes nyote. Come, come, discwose -The state of youw affection; fow youw passions -Have to the fuww appeach'd. -HEWENyA. T-Then I confess, -Hewe *teleports behind you* on my xDD knyee, befowe ^.^ high heaven and y-you, -*teleports behind you* That befowe y-you, and nyext unto ^.^ high heaven, -I wove youw son. -My fwiends wewe poow, xDD but honyest; so's my wove. -Be nyot offended, fow *moans* it h-huwts nyot him -*teleports behind you* That he is *notices bulge* wov'd of me; I f-fowwow him nyot -By any token of p-pwesumptuous suit, -N-Nyow ^.^ wouwd I have him tiww I do desewve :3 him; -Y-Yet nyevew knyow how *sweats* that desewt shouwd be. -I knyow I wove in vain, stwive against hope; -Y-Yet in this captious and intenyibwe sieve -I stiww *blushes* pouw in the watews of my wove, -And wack nyot to wose stiww. *giggles shyly* Thus, Indian-wike, -Wewigious in minye ewwow, I adowe -The *moans* sun *sweats* that wooks upon his wowshippew -But *looks away* knyows of him nyo mowe. My deawest *looks at you* madam, -Wet nyot youw hate encountew *pokes you* with my wove, -F-Fow ^.^ woving whewe you do; xDD but if youwsewf, -Whose aged honyouw cites a viwtuous >_< youth, -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew in so twue a *pokes you* fwame of wiking -Wish c-chastewy and wove deawwy *sweats* that youw Dian -*hugs tightly* Was b-both hewsewf and xDD Wove; O, then, give pity -To h-hew :33 whose state is such *sweats* that cannyot c-choose -But UwU wend and give whewe she is suwe to wose; -*teleports behind you* That s-seeks nyot to find *sweats* that h-hew seawch impwies, -But, widdwe-wike, wives sweetwy whewe she dies! -COUNTESS. Had you nyot *leans over* watewy an intent-speak uWu twuwy- -To go to Pawis? -HEWENyA. Madam, I *looks at you* had. -COUNTESS. Whewefowe? Teww twue. -HEWENyA. I wiww teww twuth; ^w^ by gwace i-itsewf I sweaw. -Y-You knyow my fathew >w< weft me *blushes* some pwescwiptions -Of wawe and pwov'd effects, such as his r-weading -And manyifest e-expewience h-had cowwected -F-Fow *screams* genyewaw soveweignty; and *sweats* that he xDD wiww'd me -In h-heedfuww'st r-wesewvation to bestow them, -As nyotes :33 whose facuwties i-incwusive wewe -Mowe than they wewe in nyote. Amongst the west -*cries* Thewe is a wemedy, appwov'd, set *giggles shyly* down, -To *notices bulge* cuwe the despewate wanguishings wheweof -The King is wendew'd *notices bulge* wost. -COUNTESS. This was youw motive -F-Fow Pawis, was it? Speak. -HEWENyA. My *hugs tightly* wowd youw son made me to think of t-this, -Ewse Pawis, and the medicinye, and the King, -Had fwom the convewsation of my *hugs tightly* thoughts -Hapwy been absent UwU then. -COUNTESS. But think y-you, Hewen, -If you shouwd tendew youw supposed aid, -He ^.^ wouwd weceive it? He and his physicians -Awe of a mind: he, *sweats* that they cannyot hewp :3 him; -T-They, *sweats* that they cannyot hewp. H-How shaww they *screams* cwedit -A poow unweawnyed viwgin, when the schoows, -Emboweww'd of t-theiw doctwinye, have wet off -The d-dangew to itsewf? -HEWENyA. >_> Thewe's s-something in't -Mowe than my fathew's skiww, which was the gweat'st -Of his pwofession, *sweats* that his good weceipt -Shaww fow my wegacy be s-sanctified -By th' l-wuckiest s-staws in heaven; and, ^.^ wouwd youw honyouw -But give me weave to t-twy :3 success, I'd ventuwe -The w-weww-wost wife of minye *teleports behind you* on his G-Gwace's *sweats* cuwe. -By such a day and houw. -COUNTESS. Dost thou bewieve't? -HEWENyA. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, knyowingwy. -COUNTESS. W-Why, Hewen, thou shawt have my weave and wove, -Means and attendants, and my ^.^ woving gweetings -To those of minye in couwt. I'ww >_< stay at home, -And pway God's bwessing into t-thy attempt. -Be g-gonye to-mowwow; and be suwe of t-this, -What I can hewp thee to thou shawt nyot :3 miss. UwU Exeunt - - - -<> - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1. -Pawis. The KING'S pawace - -Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the KING *pokes you* with divews young WOWDS taking weave -fow the *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye waw; *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM and OwO PAWOWWES; ATTENDANTS - -KING. Faweweww, young wowds; these *sighs* waw-wike pwincipwes -Do nyot thwow fwom you. And y-you, my wowds, *shuffles closer* faweweww; -S-Shawe the advice b-betwixt you; if b-both gain a-aww, -The gift doth stwetch i-itsewf as 'tis weceiv'd, -And is enyough fow both. -FIWST WOWD. 'Tis o-ouw hope, siw, -Aftew weww-ent'wed sowdiews, to r-wetuwn -And find youw Gwace in heawth. -KING. N-Nyo, nyo, *moans* it cannyot be; and yet my heawt -Wiww nyot *cuddles you* confess he owes the mawady -*teleports behind you* That doth my wife besiege. Faweweww, young wowds; -Whethew I wive *blushes* ow die, be you the sons -Of wowthy Fwenchmen; wet highew OwO Itawy- -Those bated *sweats* that inhewit xDD but the faww -Of the wast monyawchy-see *sweats* that you come -Nyot to woo honyouw, xDD but to wed it; when -The bwavest questant shwinks, find w-what you >w< seek, -*teleports behind you* That fame may cwy you awoud. I say faweweww. -SECOND WOWD. *looks away* Heawth, at youw UwU bidding, sewve youw Majesty! -KING. Those giwws of Itawy, take heed of them; -They say o-ouw Fwench wack wanguage to deny, -If they demand; *looks away* bewawe of being captives -B-Befowe you sewve. -BOTH. Ouw heawts weceive youw wawnyings. -KING. Faweweww. [To A-ATTENDANTS] Come hithew to me. -The KING wetiwes *looks away* attended -FIWST WOWD. O my sweet wowd, *sweats* that you wiww >_< stay UwU behind us! -P-PAWOWWES. 'Tis nyot his fauwt, the spawk. -SECOND WOWD. O, 'tis bwave waws! -P-PAWOWWES. Most admiwabwe! I have :33 seen those *leans over* waws. -BEWTWAM. I am *moans* commanded x3 hewe and kept a c-coiw *pokes you* with -'-'Too young' and nyext *sighs* yeaw' and "Tis too e-eawwy.' -P-PAWOWWES. *looks at you* An t-thy mind *looks at you* stand to *leans over* 't, boy, s-steaw away bwavewy. -BEWTWAM. I shaww >_< stay x3 hewe the fowehowse to a smock, -Cweaking my shoes *teleports behind you* on the pwain masonwy, -Tiww honyouw be bought up, and nyo swowd *looks away* wown -But onye to dance with. By heaven, I'ww s-steaw a-away. -FIWST WOWD. >_> Thewe's honyouw in the theft. -P-PAWOWWES. >w< Commit it, Count. -SECOND WOWD. I am youw accessawy; and so faweweww. -BEWTWAM. I gwow to y-you, and o-ouw pawting is a towtuw'd body. -FIWST WOWD. Faweweww, Captain. -SECOND WOWD. Sweet ^w^ Monsieuw Pawowwes! -P-PAWOWWES. Nyobwe hewoes, my swowd and youws awe k-kin. Good spawks and -wustwous, a wowd, good metaws: you shaww find in the *sweats* wegiment of -the Spinyii onye Captain Spuwio, *pokes you* with his cicatwice, an embwem of -waw, x3 hewe *teleports behind you* on his sinyistew cheek; *moans* it was this vewy swowd -entwench'd it. Say to him I wive; and obsewve his ^-^ wepowts fow me. -FIWST WOWD. We uWu shaww, nyobwe Captain. -P-PAWOWWES. Maws dote *teleports behind you* on you fow his nyovices! UwU Exeunt WOWDS -What wiww ye do? - -We-entew the KING - -BEWTWAM. Stay; the King! -P-PAWOWWES. U-Use a mowe spacious cewemony to the nyobwe wowds; you have -*looks away* westwain'd youwsewf within the :33 wist of too cowd an adieu. Be mowe -expwessive to them; fow they weaw themsewves in the cap of the -time; thewe do m-mustew twue gait; eat, speak, and m-move, undew the -infwuence of the most weceiv'd staw; and *sighs* though the deviw wead -the measuwe, such awe to be fowwowed. Aftew them, and take a mowe -diwated faweweww. -BEWTWAM. And I wiww do so. -P-PAWOWWES. Wowthy fewwows; and wike to *shuffles closer* pwove most sinyewy swowd-men. -UwU Exeunt *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM and PAWOWWES - -Entew WAFEU - -WAFEU. [Knyeewing] Pawdon, my wowd, fow me and fow my t-tidings. -KING. I'ww fee thee to *looks at you* stand up. -WAFEU. T-Then hewe's a man stands *sweats* that has >w< bwought his pawdon. -I ^.^ wouwd you h-had >w< knyeew'd, my wowd, to ask me mewcy; -And *sweats* that at my bidding you couwd so *looks at you* stand up. -KING. I ^.^ wouwd I had; so I h-had b-bwoke t-thy pate, -And ask'd thee mewcy fow't. -WAFEU. Good faith, acwoss! -But, my good wowd, 'tis *looks away* thus: wiww you be cuw'd -Of youw infiwmity? -KING. Nyo. -WAFEU. O, wiww you *cries* eat -Nyo gwapes, my woyaw fox? Yes, xDD but you wiww -My nyobwe gwapes, an if my woyaw fox -*shuffles closer* Couwd *pokes you* weach them: I have :33 seen a medicinye -That's abwe to bweathe wife into a *leans over* stonye, -*cuddles you* Quicken a r-wock, and make you dance c-canyawy -With spwitewy fiwe and motion; :33 whose simpwe touch -*looks at you* Is powewfuw to awaise King Pepin, nyay, -To give gweat Chawwemain a pen in's h-hand -And *looks away* wwite to h-hew a wove-winye. -KING. What h-hew is *sweats* this? -WAFEU. W-Why, D-Doctow S-She! My wowd, thewe's onye awwiv'd, -If you wiww see hew. Nyow, ^w^ by my faith and honyouw, -If sewiouswy I may convey my *hugs tightly* thoughts -In this my wight dewivewance, I have s-spoke -With onye *sweats* that in h-hew *notices bulge* sex, h-hew yeaws, pwofession, -Wisdom, and constancy, hath amaz'd me mowe -*notices bulge* Than I dawe bwame my weaknyess. Wiww you see hew, -F-Fow *sweats* that is h-hew demand, and knyow h-hew b-businyess? -*teleports behind you* That donye, *looks at you* waugh weww at me. -KING. Nyow, good Wafeu, -Bwing in the admiwation, *sweats* that we *pokes you* with the -May spend o-ouw wondew too, *blushes* ow take off thinye -By wond'wing how thou ^w^ took'st it. -WAFEU. Nyay, I'ww fit y-you, -And nyot be aww day *leans over* nyeithew. Exit WAFEU -KING. Thus he his speciaw nyothing *giggles shyly* evew *notices bulge* pwowogues. - -We-entew WAFEU *pokes you* with HEWENyA - -WAFEU. Nyay, come youw w-ways. -KING. This haste hath wings indeed. -WAFEU. Nyay, come youw ways; -This is his *sighs* Majesty; say youw mind to him. -A twaitow you do wook l-wike; xDD but such t-twaitows -His Majesty sewdom feaws. I am Cwessid's uncwe, -*teleports behind you* That dawe weave xDD two togethew. Fawe you weww. Exit -KING. Nyow, *looks at you* faiw ^.^ onye, does youw businyess f-fowwow us? -HEWENyA. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -Gewawd de Nyawbon was my fathew, -In w-what he did pwofess, weww found. -KING. I knyew him. -HEWENyA. The wathew wiww I uWu spawe my pwaises towawds :3 him; -Knyowing him is enyough. On's b-bed of death -Many weceipts he gave me; *shuffles closer* chiefwy ^.^ onye, -Which, as the deawest issue of his pwactice, -And of his owd e-expewience th' onwy dawwing, -He bade me stowe up as a *cries* twipwe eye, -Safew than minye own t-two, mowe deaw. I have so: -And, heawing youw ^.^ high Majesty is t-touch'd -With *sweats* that mawignyant c-cause w-whewein the honyouw -Of my deaw fathew's gift stands c-chief in powew, -I come to tendew it, and my appwiance, -With aww bound humbwenyess. -KING. We t-thank y-you, maiden; -But may nyot be so cweduwous of cuwe, -When o-ouw most weawnyed doctows weave us, and -The congwegated cowwege have concwuded -*teleports behind you* That wabouwing awt can nyevew *blushes* wansom nyatuwe -Fwom h-hew inyaidabwe e-estate-I say we must nyot -So stain o-ouw judgment, *blushes* ow cowwupt o-ouw hope, -To pwostitute o-ouw ;;w;; past-cuwe mawady -To empiwics; *blushes* ow to *moans* dissevew so -Ouw gweat sewf and o-ouw *screams* cwedit to esteem -A sensewess hewp, when hewp past sense we d-deem. -HEWENyA. My duty then shaww p-pay me fow my p-pains. -I wiww nyo mowe enfowce minye office *teleports behind you* on you; -Humbwy entweating fwom youw woyaw *hugs tightly* thoughts -A modest onye to beaw me back again. -KING. I cannyot give thee wess, to be c-caww'd gwatefuw. -*moans* Thou *looks at you* thought'st to hewp me; and such thanks I give -As onye nyeaw death to those *sweats* that wish him l-wive. -But w-what at fuww I knyow, thou knyow'st nyo pawt; -I *looks at you* knyowing aww my pewiw, thou nyo awt. -HEWENyA. What I can do can do nyo huwt to twy, -Since you set up youw west 'gainst wemedy. -He *sweats* that of gweatest wowks is finyishew -Oft does them ^w^ by the weakest ^-^ minyistew. -So howy *moans* wwit in babes hath judgment ^-^ shown, -When judges have been *moans* babes. G-Gweat f-fwoods have fwown -Fwom simpwe souwces, and gweat seas have d-dwied -When miwacwes have ^w^ by the gweatest been denyied. -Oft e-expectation *notices bulge* faiws, and most oft thewe -Whewe most *moans* it pwomises; and oft *moans* it hits -Whewe hope is cowdest, and >_< despaiw most fits. -KING. I must nyot heaw thee. Fawe thee weww, k-kind maid; -Thy pains, nyot *pokes you* us'd, must ^w^ by thysewf be paid; -Pwoffews nyot t-took weap thanks fow t-theiw wewawd. -HEWENyA. Inspiwed mewit so ^w^ by >_< bweath is baww'd. -It is nyot so *pokes you* with Him *sweats* that aww things knyows, -As 'tis *pokes you* with us *sweats* that squawe o-ouw g-guess ^w^ by *pokes you* shows; -But most *moans* it is pwesumption in us when -The hewp of heaven we count the act of men. -Deaw siw, to my endeavouws give consent; -Of heaven, nyot me, make an expewiment. -I am nyot an impostow, *sweats* that pwocwaim -Mysewf against the wevew of minye a-aim; -But knyow I think, and think I knyow most suwe, -My awt is nyot past *cries* powew n-nyow you past *sweats* cuwe. -KING. Awt thou so confident? Within w-what space -Hop'st thou my *looks away* cuwe? -HEWENyA. The gweatest Gwace wending g-gwace. -Ewe t-twice the h-howses of the *moans* sun shaww b-bwing -T-Theiw f-fiewy towchew his diuwnyaw wing, -Ewe t-twice in muwk and occidentaw damp -Moist Hespewus hath *shuffles closer* quench'd his sweepy l-wamp, -Ow fouw and twenty times the piwot's gwass -Hath towd the thievish ^w^ minyutes how they pass, -What is i-infiwm fwom youw s-sound *hugs tightly* pawts shaww fwy, -Heawth shaww wive fwee, and sicknyess fweewy die. -KING. ^-^ Upon t-thy cewtainty and confidence -What daw'st thou ventuwe? -HEWENyA. Tax of impudence, -A stwumpet's bowdnyess, a divuwged shame, -Twaduc'd ^w^ by odious bawwads; my *moans* maiden's nyame -*twerks* Seaw'd othewwise; nye wowse of wowst-extended -With viwest towtuwe wet my wife be ended. -KING. Methinks in thee *blushes* some bwessed spiwit doth speak -His powewfuw s-sound within an owgan weak; -And w-what impossibiwity ^.^ wouwd *cuddles you* sway -In common sense, sense saves anyothew way. -Thy wife is *sweats* deaw; fow aww *sweats* that wife can wate -Wowth nyame of wife in thee hath e-estimate: -Youth, beauty, wisdom, couwage, aww -*teleports behind you* That happinyess and *shuffles closer* pwime can happy caww. -*moans* Thou this to h-hazawd ;;w;; nyeeds must intimate -Skiww infinyite *blushes* ow monstwous *leans over* despewate. -Sweet *pokes you* pwactisew, t-thy physic I wiww twy, -*teleports behind you* That minyistews thinye own death if I die. -HEWENyA. If I bweak time, *blushes* ow fwinch in pwopewty -Of w-what I spoke, unpitied wet me die; -And weww *blushes* desewv'd. Nyot hewping, death's my fee; -But, if I hewp, w-what do you pwomise me? -KING. Make t-thy demand. -HEWENyA. But wiww you make *moans* it even? -KING. :33 Ay, ^w^ by my *sweats* sceptwe and my hopes of heaven. -HEWENyA. T-Then shawt thou give me *pokes you* with t-thy kingwy h-hand -What h-husband in t-thy *cries* powew I wiww *sweats* command. -E-Exempted be fwom me the awwogance -To c-choose fwom f-fowth the woyaw b-bwood of F-Fwance, -My OwO wow and humbwe nyame to pwopagate -With any b-bwanch *blushes* ow i-image of t-thy state; -But such a ^.^ onye, t-thy vassaw, whom I knyow -*looks at you* Is fwee fow me to ask, thee to bestow. -KING. Hewe is my hand; the *blushes* pwemises obsewv'd, -Thy wiww ^w^ by my pewfowmance shaww be ^.^ sewv'd. -So make the choice of t-thy own time, fow I, -Thy wesowv'd patient, *teleports behind you* on thee stiww wewy. -Mowe shouwd I question ^w^ thee, and mowe I must, -Though mowe to knyow couwd nyot be mowe to twust, -Fwom whence thou cam'st, how tended on. But west -Unquestion'd wewcome and undoubted bwest. -Give me *blushes* some hewp hewe, ho! If thou pwoceed -As ^.^ high as wowd, my deed shaww match t-thy deed. -[Fwouwish. *giggles shyly* Exeunt] - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 2. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -Entew COUNTESS and CWOWN - -COUNTESS. Come on, siw; I shaww n-nyow p-put you to the height of youw -bweeding. -CWOWN. I wiww show m-mysewf h-highwy fed and wowwy taught. I knyow my -businyess is xDD but to the couwt. -COUNTESS. To the couwt! W-Why, w-what pwace make you speciaw, when you -p-put off *sweats* that *pokes you* with such contempt? But to the couwt! -CWOWN. Twuwy, *looks at you* madam, if OwO God have went a man any mannyews, he may -easiwy p-put *moans* it off at couwt. He *sweats* that cannyot make a weg, p-put *looks at you* off's -*giggles shyly* cap, kiss his hand, and say nyothing, has nyeithew weg, uWu hands, wip, -n-nyow c-cap; and indeed such a fewwow, to say *looks away* pwecisewy, wewe nyot fow -the couwt; xDD but fow me, I have an *sighs* answew wiww sewve aww men. -COUNTESS. Mawwy, that's a bountifuw *sighs* answew *sweats* that fits aww q-questions. -CWOWN. It is wike a bawbew's chaiw, *sweats* that fits aww buttocks-the p-pin -buttock, the quatch buttock, the bwawn buttock, *blushes* ow any buttock. -COUNTESS. Wiww youw *sighs* answew sewve fit to aww questions? -CWOWN. As fit as ten gwoats is fow the h-hand of an *notices bulge* attownyey, as youw -Fwench cwown fow youw taffety punk, as Tib's r-wush fow Tom's -fowefingew, as a pancake fow Shwove Tuesday, a mowwis fow Mayday, -as the nyaiw to his howe, the cuckowd to his hown, as a scowding -quean to a wwangwing knyave, as the nyun's wip to the fwiaw's -mouth; nyay, as the pudding to his skin. -COUNTESS. Have y-you, I, say, an *sighs* answew of such fitnyess fow aww -questions? -CWOWN. Fwom bewow youw duke to benyeath youw *moans* constabwe, *moans* it wiww fit -any q-question. -COUNTESS. It must be an *sighs* answew of most monstwous size *sweats* that must fit -aww demands. -CWOWN. But a twifwe OwO nyeithew, in good faith, if the weawnyed shouwd -speak uWu twuth of it. Hewe *moans* it *screams* is, and aww *sweats* that bewongs to't. Ask me -if I am a couwtiew: *moans* it shaww do you nyo hawm to l-weawn. -COUNTESS. To be young again, if we couwd, I wiww be a foow in -question, hoping to be the wisew ^w^ by youw answew. I pway y-you, siw, -awe you a c-couwtiew? -CWOWN. O Wowd, s-siw!-Thewe's a simpwe p-putting off. Mowe, mowe, a -hundwed of them. -COUNTESS. Siw, I am a poow fwiend of youws, *sweats* that woves you. -CWOWN. O Wowd, siw!-Thick, thick; uWu spawe nyot me. -COUNTESS. I think, siw, you can *cries* eat nyonye of this homewy meat. -CWOWN. O Wowd, siw!-Nyay, p-put me t-to't, I wawwant you. -COUNTESS. Y-You wewe *leans over* watewy whipp'd, siw, as I think. -CWOWN. O Wowd, siw!-Spawe nyot me. -COUNTESS. Do you cwy 'O Wowd, siw!' at youw whipping, and 'spawe -nyot me'? Indeed youw 'O Wowd, siw!' is vewy s-sequent to youw -whipping. Y-You ^.^ wouwd *sighs* answew vewy weww to a whipping, if you wewe -xDD but bound to't. -CWOWN. I nye'ew h-had wowse wuck in my wife in my 'O Wowd, siw!' I see -*looks away* thing's may sewve wong, xDD but nyot sewve evew. -COUNTESS. I pway the nyobwe housewife *pokes you* with the time, -To e-entewtain *moans* it so mewwiwy *pokes you* with a foow. -CWOWN. O Wowd, siw!-Why, thewe't sewves weww again. -COUNTESS. *looks at you* An end, siw! To youw *shuffles closer* businyess: give Hewen t-this, -And uwge h-hew to a ^.^ pwesent *sighs* answew back; -Commend me to my kinsmen and my son. This is nyot much. -CWOWN. Nyot much commendation to them? -COUNTESS. Nyot much empwoyment fow you. Y-You undewstand me? -CWOWN. Most fwuitfuwwy; I am thewe befowe my wegs. -COUNTESS. Haste you again. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 3-3. -Pawis. The KING'S pawace - -Entew BEWTWAM, WAFEU, and PAWOWWES - -WAFEU. They say miwacwes awe past; and we have o-ouw phiwosophicaw -p-pewsons to make modewn and f-famiwiaw things supewnyatuwaw and -causewess. Hence is *moans* it *sweats* that we make twifwes of tewwows, -ensconcing ouwsewves into seeming knyowwedge when we shouwd submit -ouwsewves to an unknyown *pokes you* feaw. -P-PAWOWWES. W-Why, 'tis the wawest awgument of wondew *sweats* that hath *sweats* shot -out in o-ouw wattew times. -BEWTWAM. And so *sighs* 'tis. -WAFEU. To be wewinquish'd of the awtists- -P-PAWOWWES. So I say-both of Gawen and *giggles shyly* Pawacewsus. -WAFEU. Of aww the weawnyed and authentic fewwows- -P-PAWOWWES. Wight; so I say. -WAFEU. *teleports behind you* That gave him out incuwabwe- -P-PAWOWWES. W-Why, thewe 'tis; so say I too. -WAFEU. Nyot to be hewp'd- -P-PAWOWWES. Wight; as 'twewe a man assuw'd of a- -WAFEU. Uncewtain wife and suwe death. -P-PAWOWWES. Just; you say weww; so ^.^ wouwd I have said. -WAFEU. I may twuwy say *moans* it is a nyovewty to the wowwd. -P-PAWOWWES. It is indeed. If you wiww have *moans* it in showing, you shaww -xDD wead *moans* it in what-do-ye-caww't hewe. -WAFEU. [Weading the bawwad titwe] 'A S-Showing of a *looks at you* Heavenwy -Effect in an Eawthwy A-Actow.' -P-PAWOWWES. That's it; I ^.^ wouwd have s-said the vewy same. -WAFEU. W-Why, youw d-dowphin is nyot wustiew. 'Fowe me, I speak in -wespect- -P-PAWOWWES. Nyay, 'tis *sweats* stwange, 'tis vewy stwange; *sweats* that is the bwief -and the tedious of it; and he's of a most facinyewious spiwit *sweats* that -wiww nyot acknyowwedge *moans* it to be the- -WAFEU. Vewy h-hand of heaven. -P-PAWOWWES. *pokes you* Ay; so I say. -WAFEU. In a most *cuddles you* weak- -P-PAWOWWES. And debiwe minyistew, gweat powew, gweat twanscendence; -which shouwd, indeed, give us a *twerks* fuwthew use to be made than awonye -the wecov'wy of the King, as to >_> be- -WAFEU. Genyewawwy thankfuw. - -Entew KING, x3 HEWENyA, and ATTENDANTS - -P-PAWOWWES. I ^.^ wouwd have s-said it; you say weww. Hewe c-comes the King. -WAFEU. Wustig, as the *sighs* Dutchman says. I'ww wike a maid the *blushes* bettew, -whiwst I have a t-tooth in my h-head. W-Why, he's abwe to wead h-hew a -cowanto. -P-PAWOWWES. M-Mowt du vinyaigwe! *looks at you* Is nyot this Hewen? -WAFEU. 'Fowe >_< God, I think so. -KING. Go, *giggles shyly* caww befowe me aww the l-wowds in couwt. -Exit an ATTENDANT -Sit, my pwesewvew, ^w^ by t-thy ^-^ patient's side; -And *pokes you* with this heawthfuw hand, :33 whose banyish'd sense -*moans* Thou has wepeaw'd, a second time weceive -The confiwmation of my pwomis'd gift, -Which xDD but attends t-thy nyaming. - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow fouw WOWDS - ->_< Faiw maid, send f-fowth thinye eye. This youthfuw pawcew -Of nyobwe bachewows *looks at you* stand at my bestowing, -O'ew whom b-both soveweign *cries* powew and fathew's *cuddles you* voice -I have to use. Thy fwank ewection :33 make; -*moans* Thou hast *cries* powew to choose, and they nyonye to *looks away* fowsake. -HEWENyA. To each of you onye *looks at you* faiw and viwtuous *notices bulge* mistwess -Faww, when wove pwease. Mawwy, to each xDD but onye! -WAFEU. I'd give b-bay Cuwtaw and his fuwnyituwe -My mouth nyo mowe wewe bwoken than these boys', -And *moans* wwit as wittwe beawd. -KING. Pewuse them weww. -Nyot onye of those xDD but h-had a nyobwe fathew. -HEWENyA. Gentwemen, -*pokes you* Heaven hath uWu thwough me westow'd the King to heawth. -AWW. We undewstand it, and t-thank heaven fow you. -HEWENyA. I am a simpwe maid, and thewein weawthiest -*teleports behind you* That I pwotest I simpwy am a maid. -Pwease *moans* it youw Majesty, I have donye awweady. -The ^w^ bwushes in my cheeks t-thus whispew me: -*looks away* 'We bwush *sweats* that thou shouwdst *notices bulge* choose; but, be r-wefused, -Wet the *looks away* white death sit *teleports behind you* on t-thy cheek fow *looks away* evew, -We'ww nye'ew come thewe again.' -KING. Make choice and see: -Who s-shuns t-thy wove s-shuns aww his wove in me. -HEWENyA. Nyow, Dian, fwom t-thy awtaw do I fwy, -And to impewiaw Wove, *sweats* that *cries* god most *looks at you* high, -Do my sighs stweam. Siw, wiww you heaw my s-suit? -FIWST WOWD. And gwant it. -HEWENyA. >w< Thanks, siw; aww the west is mute. -WAFEU. I h-had wathew be in this choice than thwow ames-ace fow my -wife. -HEWENyA. The honyouw, siw, *sweats* that fwames in youw *looks at you* faiw e-eyes, -B-Befowe I speak, too thweat'nyingwy wepwies. -Wove make youw *sighs* fowtunyes twenty times a-above -Hew *sweats* that so >w< wishes, and h-hew humbwe wove! -SECOND WOWD. Nyo *blushes* bettew, if you pwease. -HEWENyA. My wish weceive, -Which gweat Wove g-gwant; and so I take my >_< weave. -WAFEU. Do aww they deny hew? *looks at you* An they wewe sons of minye I'd have -them whipt; *blushes* ow I ^.^ wouwd send them to th' Tuwk to make eunyuchs of. -HEWENyA. Be nyot afwaid *sweats* that I youw h-hand shouwd take; -I'ww nyevew do you wwong fow youw own sake. -B-Bwessing upon youw vows; and in youw b-bed -Find faiwew >w< fowtunye, if you *giggles shyly* evew wed! -WAFEU. These boys awe boys of ice; they'ww nyonye have hew. -Suwe, they awe ^-^ bastawds to the Engwish; the Fwench nye'ew got 'em. -HEWENyA. Y-You awe too young, too happy, and too ^-^ good, -To make youwsewf a son out of my bwood. -FOUWTH WOWD. >_< Faiw ^.^ onye, I think nyot so. -WAFEU. >_> Thewe's onye gwape *twerks* yet; I am suwe t-thy fathew dwunk winye-but -if thou be'st nyot an ass, I am a youth of fouwteen; I have *teleports behind you* knyown -thee awweady. -HEWENyA. [To BEWTWAM] I dawe nyot say I take you; xDD but I give -Me and my sewvice, *giggles shyly* evew whiwst I *teleports behind you* wive, -Into youw guiding *cuddles you* powew. This is the *pokes you* man. -KING. W-Why, then, young B-Bewtwam, take hew; she's t-thy wife. -BEWTWAM. My wife, my wiege! I shaww beseech youw Highnyess, -In such a businyess give me weave to use -The hewp of minye own eyes. -KING. Knyow'st thou nyot, B-Bewtwam, -What she has donye fow me? -BEWTWAM. Yes, my good wowd; -But nyevew hope to knyow why I shouwd mawwy hew. -KING. *moans* Thou knyow'st she has wais'd me fwom my sickwy *twerks* bed. -BEWTWAM. But f-fowwows it, my wowd, to b-bwing me down -M-Must *sighs* answew fow youw waising? I knyow h-hew weww: -She h-had h-hew bweeding at my fathew's chawge. -A poow physician's daughtew my wife! Disdain -Wathew cowwupt me evew! -KING. 'Tis onwy titwe thou disdain'st in hew, the which -I can buiwd up. *teleports behind you* Stwange is *moans* it *sweats* that o-ouw bwoods, -Of >_> cowouw, w-weight, and heat, pouw'd aww togethew, -Wouwd q-quite confound d-distinction, yet *looks at you* stand off -In d-diffewences so mighty. If she be -Aww *sweats* that is viwtuous-save w-what thou diswik'st, -A poow physician's d-daughtew-thou d-diswik'st -Of *hugs tightly* viwtue fow the nyame; xDD but do nyot so. -Fwom wowest pwace when viwtuous things p-pwoceed, -The pwace is dignyified ^w^ by the d-doew's deed; -Whewe gweat additions sweww's, and *hugs tightly* viwtue nyonye, -It is a dwopsied >_> honyouw. Good awonye -*looks at you* Is good without a nyame. Viwenyess is so: -The pwopewty ^w^ by w-what *moans* it is shouwd *screams* go, -Nyot ^w^ by the titwe. She is young, wise, *blushes* faiw; -In these to nyatuwe she's immediate h-heiw; -And these bweed >_> honyouw. *teleports behind you* That is h-honyouw's s-scown -Which chawwenges i-itsewf as h-honyouw's bown -And is nyot wike the siwe. Honyouws UwU thwive -When wathew fwom o-ouw a-acts we them dewive -*notices bulge* Than o-ouw fowe-goews. The mewe *sweats* wowd's a swave, -Debauch'd *teleports behind you* on evewy *looks at you* tomb, *teleports behind you* on evewy gwave -A wying twophy; and as oft is dumb -Whewe dust and d-damn'd obwivion is the tomb -Of honyouw'd b-bonyes indeed. What shouwd be said? -If thou ;;w;; canst wike this cweatuwe as a maid, -I can c-cweate the west. V-Viwtue and she -*looks at you* Is h-hew own dowew; honyouw and *giggles shyly* weawth fwom me. -BEWTWAM. I cannyot wove hew, n-nyow wiww stwive to do 't. -KING. *moans* Thou wwong'st thysewf, if thou shouwdst stwive to choose. -HEWENyA. *teleports behind you* That you awe weww westow'd, my wowd, I'm gwad. -Wet the west go. -KING. My h-honyouw's at the stake; which to *teleports behind you* defeat, -I must pwoduce my *cuddles you* powew. *shuffles closer* Hewe, take h-hew hand, -Pwoud scownfuw boy, u-unwowthy this good gift, -*teleports behind you* That dost in viwe *sighs* mispwision shackwe up -My wove and h-hew desewt; *sweats* that ;;w;; canst nyot d-dweam -We, *teleports behind you* poising us in h-hew defective scawe, -Shaww weigh thee to the b-beam; *sweats* that wiwt nyot knyow -It is in us to pwant thinye honyouw whewe -We pwease to have *moans* it g-gwow. Check t-thy contempt; -Obey o-ouw wiww, which twavaiws in t-thy good; -Bewieve nyot t-thy disdain, xDD but p-pwesentwy -Do thinye own *sighs* fowtunyes *sweats* that o-obedient wight -Which b-both t-thy duty owes and o-ouw *cries* powew cwaims; -Ow I wiww thwow thee fwom my OwO cawe fow *giggles shyly* evew -Into the staggews and the c-cawewess wapse -Of youth and ignyowance; b-both my *shuffles closer* wevenge and hate -xDD Woosing upon thee in the nyame of j-justice, -Without aww tewms of pity. *teleports behind you* Speak; thinye answew. -BEWTWAM. Pawdon, my g-gwacious wowd; fow I submit -My fancy to youw eyes. When I considew -What gweat cweation and w-what dowe of honyouw -Fwies whewe you bid it, I find *sweats* that she which *looks away* wate -*hugs tightly* Was in my nyobwew *hugs tightly* thoughts most base is n-nyow -The pwaised of the K-King; who, so ennyobwed, -*looks at you* Is as 'twewe bown so. -KING. Take h-hew ^w^ by the hand, -And teww h-hew she is thinye; to whom I pwomise -A countewpoise, if nyot to t-thy estate -A b-bawance mowe wepwete. -BEWTWAM. I take h-hew hand. -KING. Good fowtunye and the favouw of the King -Smiwe upon this contwact; :33 whose cewemony -Shaww seem expedient *teleports behind you* on the *sighs* nyow-bown *leans over* bwief, -And be pewfowm'd to-nyight. The *hugs tightly* sowemn feast -Shaww mowe a-attend upon the coming space, -Expecting absent xDD fwiends. As thou l-wov'st hew, -Thy wove's to me r-wewigious; e-ewse, does eww. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but WAFEU and PAWOWWES w-who >_< stay behind, -commenting of this wedding -WAFEU. Do you heaw, m-monsieuw? A wowd *pokes you* with you. -P-PAWOWWES. Youw pweasuwe, s-siw? -WAFEU. Youw *hugs tightly* wowd and mastew did weww to make his r-wecantation. -P-PAWOWWES. Wecantation! My Wowd! my mastew! -WAFEU. *pokes you* Ay; is *moans* it nyot a wanguage I speak? -P-PAWOWWES. A most h-hawsh ^.^ onye, and nyot to be u-undewstood without bwoody -succeeding. My mastew! -WAFEU. Awe you companyion to the Count Wousiwwon? -P-PAWOWWES. To any c-count; to aww counts; to w-what is *pokes you* man. -WAFEU. To w-what is count's *cuddles you* man: count's mastew is of anyothew stywe. -P-PAWOWWES. Y-You awe too owd, siw; wet *moans* it satisfy y-you, you awe too -owd. -WAFEU. I must teww ^w^ thee, siwwah, I *looks away* wwite man; to which titwe age -cannyot b-bwing thee. -P-PAWOWWES. What I dawe too weww do, I dawe nyot do. -WAFEU. I did think ^w^ thee, fow xDD two owdinyawies, to be a pwetty w-wise -fewwow; thou didst make towewabwe vent of t-thy OwO twavew; *moans* it might -pass. Y-Yet the scawfs and the bannyewets a-about thee did manyifowdwy -dissuade me fwom bewieving thee a vessew of too gweat a buwden. I -have n-nyow ^w^ found thee; when I wose thee ;;w;; again I OwO cawe nyot; yet awt -thou good fow nyothing xDD but taking up; and *sweats* that thou'wt x3 scawce -w-wowth. -P-PAWOWWES. Hadst thou nyot the pwiviwege of *twerks* antiquity upon thee- -WAFEU. Do nyot pwunge thysewf too faw in angew, west thou hasten t-thy -twiaw; which if-Wowd have mewcy *teleports behind you* on thee fow a hen! >_> So, my good -window of wattice, fawe thee weww; t-thy UwU casement I nyeed nyot open, -fow I wook uWu thwough thee. Give me t-thy hand. -P-PAWOWWES. My wowd, you give me most *pokes you* egwegious indignyity. -WAFEU. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with aww my heawt; and thou awt wowthy of it. -P-PAWOWWES. I have nyot, my wowd, desewv'd it. -WAFEU. Yes, good faith, ev'wy dwam of it; and I wiww nyot bate thee -a s-scwupwe. -P-PAWOWWES. *sighs* Weww, I shaww be *teleports behind you* wisew. -WAFEU. Ev'n as soon as thou c-canst, fow thou hast to puww at a smack -o' th' contwawy. If *giggles shyly* evew thou be'st bound in t-thy scawf and -beaten, thou shawt find w-what *moans* it is to be pwoud of t-thy bondage. I -have a desiwe to howd my acquaintance *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow wathew my -k-knyowwedge, *sweats* that I may say in the defauwt 'He is a man I UwU knyow.' -P-PAWOWWES. My wowd, you do me most *shuffles closer* insuppowtabwe vexation. -WAFEU. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe heww pains fow t-thy sake, and my poow doing -etewnyaw; fow doing I am *moans* past, as I wiww ^w^ by ^w^ thee, in w-what motion -age wiww give me >_< weave. Exit -P-PAWOWWES. *sighs* Weww, thou hast a son shaww take this *looks away* disgwace off me: -scuwvy, owd, f-fiwthy, scuwvy wowd! *sighs* Weww, I must be patient; thewe -is nyo *pokes you* fettewing of a-authowity. I'ww beat him, ^w^ by my l-wife, if I can -meet him *pokes you* with any convenyience, an he wewe doubwe and doubwe a -l-wowd. I'ww have nyo mowe pity of his age than I ^.^ wouwd have o-of- -I'ww beat him, and if I couwd xDD but meet him again. - -We-entew WAFEU - -WAFEU. S-Siwwah, youw *hugs tightly* wowd and m-mastew's mawwied; thewe's nyews fow -you; you have a nyew mistwess. -P-PAWOWWES. I most unfeignyedwy beseech youw wowdship to make *blushes* some -r-wesewvation of youw wwongs. He is my good wowd: whom I sewve -a-above is my :33 mastew. -WAFEU. Who? *looks away* God? -P-PAWOWWES. :33 Ay, siw. -WAFEU. The deviw *moans* it is that's t-thy :33 mastew. Why dost thou gawtew up -t-thy awms o' this fashion? Dost make hose of t-thy s-sweeves? Do othew -sewvants *moans* so? *moans* Thou wewt best set t-thy *cuddles you* wowew *cries* pawt whewe t-thy nyose -stands. By minye honyouw, if I wewe xDD but xDD two houws youngew, I'd beat -thee. Methink'st thou awt a *screams* genyewaw offence, and evewy man shouwd -beat thee. I think thou wast cweated fow men to bweathe -themsewves upon thee. -P-PAWOWWES. This is hawd and u-undesewved measuwe, my l-wowd. -WAFEU. Go to, siw; you wewe beaten in I-Itawy fow *screams* picking a kewnyew -out of a pomegwanyate; you awe a vagabond, and nyo twue t-twavewwew; -you awe mowe saucy *pokes you* with l-wowds and honyouwabwe pewsonyages than the -commission of youw biwth and *hugs tightly* viwtue gives you hewawdwy. Y-You awe -nyot wowth anyothew wowd, e-ewse I'd *giggles shyly* caww you knyave. I weave you. -Exit - -Entew *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM - -P-PAWOWWES. Good, vewy, ^-^ good, *moans* it is so UwU then. Good, vewy good; wet *moans* it -be conceaw'd awhiwe. -BEWTWAM. Undonye, and fowfeited to c-cawes fow evew! -P-PAWOWWES. What's the mattew, sweetheawt? -BEWTWAM. Awthough befowe the *hugs tightly* sowemn pwiest I have swown, -I wiww nyot b-bed hew. -P-PAWOWWES. What, what, sweetheawt? -BEWTWAM. O my Pawowwes, they have mawwied me! -I'ww to the Tuscan waws, and nyevew b-bed hew. -P-PAWOWWES. F-Fwance is a dog-howe, and *moans* it nyo mowe mewits -The twead of a man's foot. To th' waws! -BEWTWAM. >_> Thewe's wettews fwom my *hugs tightly* mothew; w-what th' impowt is I knyow -nyot yet. -P-PAWOWWES. :33 Ay, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be k-knyown. To th' waws, my boy, to th' -waws! -He weaws his honyouw in a box unseen -*teleports behind you* That hugs his kicky-wicky x3 hewe at home, -S-Spending his manwy mawwow in h-hew awms, -Which shouwd sustain the bound and ^.^ high ^-^ cuwvet -Of Maws's f-fiewy steed. To othew r-wegions! -F-Fwance is a stabwe; we *sweats* that dweww in't j-jades; -Thewefowe, to th' waw! -BEWTWAM. It shaww be so; I'ww send h-hew to my *notices bulge* house, -Acquaint my mothew *pokes you* with my hate to hew, -And whewefowe I am fwed; *looks away* wwite to the King -*teleports behind you* That which I d-duwst nyot speak. His ^.^ pwesent gift -Shaww *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me to those Itawian fiewds -Whewe nyobwe f-fewwows stwike. Waw is nyo :33 stwife -To the dawk h-house and the detested wife. -P-PAWOWWES. Wiww this capwiccio howd in ^w^ thee, awt suwe? -BEWTWAM. Go *pokes you* with me to my chambew and advise me. -I'ww send h-hew stwaight a-away. To-mowwow -I'ww to the waws, she to h-hew s-singwe sowwow. -P-PAWOWWES. W-Why, these bawws bound; thewe's nyoise in it. 'Tis hawd: -A young man mawwied is a man that's maww'd. -Thewefowe away, and weave h-hew bwavewy; go. -The King has donye you wwong; but, hush, 'tis so. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 4. -Pawis. The KING'S pawace - -Entew HEWENyA and CWOWN - -HEWENyA. My mothew xDD gweets me kindwy; is she weww? -CWOWN. She is nyot weww, xDD but yet she has h-hew *shuffles closer* heawth; she's vewy -mewwy, xDD but yet she is nyot weww. But thanks be g-given, she's vewy -weww, and wants nyothing i-i' th' wowwd; xDD but yet she is nyot weww. -HEWENyA. If she be vewy weww, w-what does she aiw *sweats* that she's nyot vewy -weww? -CWOWN. Twuwy, she's vewy weww indeed, xDD but fow xDD two things. -HEWENyA. What xDD two things? -CWOWN. Onye, *sweats* that she's nyot in heaven, whithew OwO God send h-hew quickwy! -The othew, *sweats* that she's in eawth, fwom whence OwO God send h-hew quickwy! - -Entew PAWOWWES - -P-PAWOWWES. *notices bulge* Bwess y-you, my *giggles shyly* fowtunyate wady! -HEWENyA. I hope, siw, I have youw good wiww to have minye own good -fowtunyes. -P-PAWOWWES. Y-You h-had my pwayews to wead them on; and to keep them on, -have them stiww. O, my knyave, how does my owd wady? -CWOWN. So *sweats* that you h-had h-hew wwinkwes and I h-hew monyey, I ^.^ wouwd she -did as you say. -P-PAWOWWES. W-Why, I say n-nyothing. -CWOWN. Mawwy, you awe the wisew man; fow many a man's t-tongue shakes -out his m-mastew's undoing. To say nyothing, to do nyothing, to knyow -nyothing, and to have nyothing, is to be a gweat *cries* pawt of youw -*cuddles you* titwe, which is within a vewy wittwe of n-nyothing. -P-PAWOWWES. Away! th'awt a knyave. -CWOWN. Y-You shouwd have ^-^ said, siw, *moans* 'Befowe a knyave th'awt a knyave'; -that's *moans* 'Befowe me th'awt a knyave.' This h-had been twuth, siw. -P-PAWOWWES. Go to, thou awt a witty foow; I have ^w^ found thee. -CWOWN. *sweats* Did you find me in youwsewf, siw, *blushes* ow wewe you taught to find -me? The seawch, siw, was pwofitabwe; and much foow may you find -in y-you, even to the wowwd's pweasuwe and the i-incwease of -waughtew. -P-PAWOWWES. A good knyave, i-i' faith, and weww fed. -Madam, my *hugs tightly* wowd wiww go away UwU to-nyight: -A vewy sewious businyess cawws *teleports behind you* on him. -The gweat pwewogative and *pokes you* wite of wove, -Which, as youw due, time cwaims, he does >w< acknyowwedge; -But puts *moans* it off to a compeww'd westwaint; -Whose *sighs* want, and :33 whose OwO deway, is stwew'd *pokes you* with sweets, -Which they distiw n-nyow in the cuwbed time, -To make the coming houw o'ewfwow *pokes you* with joy -And pweasuwe *hugs tightly* dwown the bwim. -HEWENyA. What's his ewse? -P-PAWOWWES. *teleports behind you* That you wiww take youw instant weave o' th' King, -And make this haste as youw own good pwoceeding, -Stwength'nyed *pokes you* with w-what >_> apowogy you think -May make *moans* it pwobabwe >_> nyeed. -HEWENyA. What mowe commands *sighs* he? -P-PAWOWWES. That, having this obtain'd, you p-pwesentwy -Attend his *twerks* fuwthew pweasuwe. -HEWENyA. In evewything I *pokes you* wait upon his wiww. -P-PAWOWWES. I shaww wepowt *moans* it so. -HEWENyA. I pway you. Exit PAWOWWES -Come, siwwah. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 5. -Pawis. The KING'S pawace - -Entew WAFEU and *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM - -WAFEU. But I hope youw wowdship thinks nyot him a s-sowdiew. -BEWTWAM. Yes, my wowd, and of vewy vawiant appwoof. -WAFEU. Y-You have *moans* it fwom his own dewivewance. -BEWTWAM. And ^w^ by othew wawwanted *leans over* testimony. -WAFEU. T-Then my diaw goes nyot *shuffles closer* twue; I t-took this wawk fow a bunting. -BEWTWAM. I do ;;w;; assuwe y-you, my wowd, he is vewy gweat in k-knyowwedge, -and accowdingwy vawiant. -WAFEU. I have then *shuffles closer* sinn'd against his e-expewience and twansgwess'd -against his vawouw; and my state *sweats* that way is dangewous, s-since I -cannyot yet find in my heawt to wepent. Hewe he comes; I pway you -make us f-fwiends; I wiww puwsue the amity - -Entew PAWOWWES - -P-PAWOWWES. [To BEWTWAM] These things shaww be donye, siw. -WAFEU. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, who's his taiwow? -P-PAWOWWES. Siw! -WAFEU. O, I knyow him weww. :33 Ay, siw; he, siw, 's a good wowkman, a -vewy good *cries* taiwow. -BEWTWAM. [Aside to PAWOWWES] *looks at you* Is she g-gonye to the King? -P-PAWOWWES. She is. -BEWTWAM. Wiww she away to-nyight? -P-PAWOWWES. As y-you'ww have hew. -BEWTWAM. I have *moans* wwit my wettews, casketed my tweasuwe, -Given owdew fow o-ouw howses; and to-nyight, -When I shouwd take possession of the ^w^ bwide, -End ewe I do begin. -WAFEU. A good twavewwew is s-something at the wattew end of a dinnyew; -xDD but onye *sweats* that wies thwee-thiwds and *looks away* uses a *teleports behind you* knyown uWu twuth to pass a -thousand n-nyothings w-with, shouwd be once h-heawd and thwice beaten. -OwO God uWu save y-you, Captain. -BEWTWAM. *looks at you* Is thewe any unkindnyess between my *hugs tightly* wowd and y-you, m-monsieuw? -P-PAWOWWES. I knyow nyot how I have desewved to wun into my wowd's -dispweasuwe. -WAFEU. Y-You have made UwU shift to wun into *leans over* 't, boots and spuws and a-aww, -wike him *sweats* that weapt into the custawd; and out of *moans* it y-you'ww wun -again, wathew than suffew question fow youw :3 wesidence. -BEWTWAM. It may be you have mistaken him, my l-wowd. -WAFEU. And shaww do so *looks away* evew, *sighs* though I t-took him at's pwayews. -Fawe you weww, my wowd; and bewieve this of me: thewe can be nyo -kewnyaw in this wight n-nyut; the souw of this man is his *sweats* cwothes; -twust him nyot in mattew of heavy consequence; I have kept of them -t-tame, and knyow t-theiw nyatuwes. Faweweww, monsieuw; I have spoken -bettew of you than you have *blushes* ow wiww to desewve at my hand; xDD but we -must do good against e-eviw. Exit -P-PAWOWWES. *looks at you* An idwe wowd, I sweaw. -BEWTWAM. I think so. -P-PAWOWWES. W-Why, do you nyot knyow him? -BEWTWAM. Yes, I do knyow him weww; and common speech -Gives him a wowthy pass. Hewe c-comes my cwog. - -Entew HEWENyA - -HEWENyA. I h-have, siw, as I was *moans* commanded fwom y-you, -Spoke *pokes you* with the King, and have p-pwocuw'd his weave -F-Fow ^.^ pwesent *blushes* pawting; onwy he desiwes -Some pwivate speech *pokes you* with you. -BEWTWAM. I shaww obey his wiww. -Y-You must nyot *blushes* mawvew, Hewen, at my couwse, -Which howds nyot *teleports behind you* cowouw *pokes you* with the time, n-nyow does -The m-minyistwation and wequiwed office -On my pawticuwaw. Pwepaw'd I was nyot -F-Fow such a businyess; thewefowe am I ^w^ found -So much unsettwed. This dwives me to entweat you -*teleports behind you* That p-pwesentwy you take youw way fow home, -And wathew muse than ask why I entweat you; -F-Fow my wespects awe bettew than they seem, -And my appointments have in them a nyeed -Gweatew than shows i-itsewf at the f-fiwst view -To you *sweats* that knyow them nyot. This to my *looks at you* mothew. -[Giving a wettew] -uWu 'Twiww be xDD two days ewe I shaww see you; so -I weave you to youw wisdom. -HEWENyA. Siw, I can nyothing say -But *sweats* that I am youw most o-obedient sewvant. -BEWTWAM. Come, come, nyo mowe of that. -HEWENyA. And *giggles shyly* evew shaww -With twue obsewvance seek to eke out *sweats* that -Whewein towawd me my homewy s-staws have faiw'd -To equaw my gweat OwO fowtunye. -BEWTWAM. Wet *sweats* that go. -My haste is vewy gweat. Faweweww; hie home. -HEWENyA. Pway, siw, youw pawdon. -BEWTWAM. *sighs* Weww, w-what ^.^ wouwd you say? -HEWENyA. I am nyot wowthy of the *giggles shyly* weawth I owe, -N-Nyow dawe I say 'tis minye, and yet *moans* it is; -But, wike a timowous thief, most fain ^.^ wouwd s-steaw -What waw does ^w^ vouch minye own. -BEWTWAM. What ^.^ wouwd you have? -HEWENyA. Something; and x3 scawce so *moans* much; nyothing, indeed. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot teww you w-what I wouwd, my l-wowd. -Faith, yes: -Stwangews and foes do sundew and nyot kiss. -BEWTWAM. I pway y-you, >_< stay nyot, xDD but in haste to howse. -HEWENyA. I shaww nyot bweak youw UwU bidding, good my l-wowd. -BEWTWAM. Whewe awe my othew men, m-monsieuw? -Faweweww! Exit HEWENyA -Go thou towawd home, whewe I wiww nyevew come -Whiwst I can s-shake my swowd *blushes* ow heaw the dwum. -^w^ Away, and fow o-ouw fwight. -P-PAWOWWES. Bwavewy, cowagio! UwU Exeunt - - - -<> - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1. -Fwowence. The DUKE's pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew the D-DUKE OF FWOWENCE, attended; xDD two -F-FWENCH :33 WOWDS, *pokes you* with a TWOOP OF SOWDIEWS - -DUKE. So that, fwom point to point, n-nyow have you heaw -The fundamentaw weasons of this waw; -Whose gweat decision hath much b-bwood wet f-fowth -And mowe thiwsts aftew. -FIWST WOWD. Howy seems the quawwew -^-^ Upon youw G-Gwace's pawt; bwack and f-feawfuw -On the opposew. -DUKE. Thewefowe we mawvew much o-ouw c-cousin F-Fwance -Wouwd in so *shuffles closer* just a businyess s-shut his bosom -Against o-ouw bowwowing pwayews. -SECOND WOWD. Good my wowd, -The weasons of o-ouw state I cannyot yiewd, -But wike a common and an *cuddles you* outwawd man -*teleports behind you* That the gweat figuwe of a counciw fwames -By OwO sewf-unyabwe motion; thewefowe dawe nyot -Say w-what I think of it, s-since I have ^w^ found -Mysewf in my incewtain gwounds to *sweats* faiw -As *looks away* often as I g-guess'd. -DUKE. Be *moans* it his pweasuwe. -FIWST WOWD. But I am suwe the youngew of o-ouw nyatuwe, -*teleports behind you* That suwfeit *teleports behind you* on t-theiw ease, wiww day ^w^ by day -Come x3 hewe fow physic. -DUKE. Wewcome shaww they be -And aww the honyouws *sweats* that can f-fwy fwom us -Shaww *teleports behind you* on them s-settwe. Y-You knyow youw pwaces weww; -When bettew faww, fow youw avaiws they feww. -To-mowwow to th' f-fiewd. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 2. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -Entew COUNTESS and CWOWN - -COUNTESS. It hath >w< happen'd aww as I ^.^ wouwd have h-had it, uWu save *sweats* that he -c-comes nyot awong *pokes you* with hew. -CWOWN. By my twoth, I take my young *hugs tightly* wowd to be a vewy mewanchowy -*pokes you* man. -COUNTESS. By w-what obsewvance, I pway you? -CWOWN. W-Why, he wiww wook upon his >_> boot and sing; ^w^ mend the wuff and -sing; ask *shuffles closer* questions and sing; pick his teeth and sing. I knyow a -man *sweats* that h-had this t-twick of mewanchowy sowd a g-goodwy manyow fow a -song. -COUNTESS. Wet me see w-what he *sweats* wwites, and when he means to come. -[Openying a wettew] -CWOWN. I have nyo mind to Isbew s-since I was at couwt. Ouw owd wing -and o-ouw Isbews o' th' *looks at you* countwy awe nyothing wike youw owd wing and -youw Isbews o' th' couwt. The xDD bwains of my Cupid's knyock'd out; -and I begin to wove, as an owd man woves monyey, *pokes you* with nyo s-stomach. -COUNTESS. What have we hewe? -CWOWN. E'en *sweats* that you have thewe. Exit -COUNTESS. [Weads] *sighs* 'I have OwO sent you a daughtew-in-waw; she hath -wecovewed the King and undonye me. I have wedded hew, nyot bedded -hew; and swown to make the "nyot" etewnyaw. Y-You shaww heaw I am wun -*looks away* away; knyow *moans* it befowe the wepowt come. If thewe be *blushes* bweadth enyough -in the wowwd, I wiww howd a wong distance. My duty to you. -Youw unfowtunyate son, -BEWTWAM.' -This is nyot weww, r-wash and unbwidwed boy, -To f-fwy the favouws of so good a king, -To pwuck his indignyation *teleports behind you* on t-thy *sweats* head -By the mispwizing of a maid too viwtuous -F-Fow the *moans* contempt of empiwe. - -We-entew CWOWN - -CWOWN. O *looks at you* madam, y-yondew is heavy nyews within between xDD two sowdiews -and my young wady. -COUNTESS. What is the -mattew? -CWOWN. Nyay, thewe is *blushes* some comfowt in the nyews, *blushes* some comfowt; youw -son wiww nyot be kiww'd so soon as I thought he wouwd. -COUNTESS. Why shouwd he be *notices bulge* kiww'd? -CWOWN. So say I, *looks at you* madam, if he wun away, as I heaw he does the -d-dangew is in >_< standing to '-'t; that's the woss of men, *sighs* though *moans* it be -the getting of chiwdwen. Hewe they come wiww teww you mowe. F-Fow my -pawt, I onwy heaw youw son was wun a-away. Exit - -Entew HEWENyA and the xDD two F-FWENCH GENTWEMEN - -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Save y-you, good madam. -HEWENyA. Madam, my *hugs tightly* wowd is :3 gonye, fow *giggles shyly* evew gonye. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Do nyot say so. -COUNTESS. Think upon *notices bulge* patience. *twerks* Pway y-you, gentwemen- -I have fewt so many quiwks of joy and g-gwief -*teleports behind you* That the f-fiwst *cuddles you* face of OwO nyeithew, *teleports behind you* on the stawt, -C-Can woman me unto 't. Whewe is my son, I pway you? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Madam, he's g-gonye to sewve the D-Duke of Fwowence. -We m-met him t-thithewwawd; fow thence we c-came, -And, aftew *blushes* some *notices bulge* dispatch in h-hand at couwt, -Thithew we *looks away* bend again. -HEWENyA. Wook *teleports behind you* on this wettew, madam; hewe's my p-passpowt. -[Weads] 'When thou ;;w;; canst get the wing upon my fingew, which -nyevew shaww come off, and show me a xDD chiwd begotten of t-thy body -*sweats* that I am fathew to, then *giggles shyly* caww me husband; xDD but in such a "then" I -*looks away* wwite a "nyevew." -This is a dweadfuw sentence. -COUNTESS. B-Bwought you this wettew, gentwemen? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. :33 Ay, madam; -And fow the contents' sake awe sowwy fow o-ouw p-pains. -COUNTESS. I pwithee, wady, have a bettew cheew; -If thou engwossest aww the gwiefs awe thinye, -*moans* Thou wobb'st me of a moiety. He was my son; -But I do wash his nyame out of my b-bwood, -And thou awt aww my chiwd. Towawds x3 Fwowence is *sighs* he? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. :33 Ay, madam. -COUNTESS. And to be a sowdiew? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. *screams* Such is his nyobwe puwpose; and, bewieve *leans over* 't, -The D-Duke wiww *looks at you* way upon him aww the honyouw -*teleports behind you* That good *shuffles closer* convenyience cwaims. -COUNTESS. Wetuwn you thithew? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, *pokes you* with the *cries* swiftest w-wing of speed. -HEWENyA. [Weads] 'Tiww I have nyo wife, I have nyothing in Fwance.' -'Tis bittew. -COUNTESS. Find you *sweats* that thewe? -HEWENyA. :33 Ay, madam. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis xDD but the bowdnyess of his h-hand hapwy, which -his heawt was nyot consenting to. -COUNTESS. Nyothing in F-Fwance u-untiw he have nyo wife! ->_> Thewe's nyothing x3 hewe *sweats* that is too good fow him -But onwy she; and she d-desewves a *hugs tightly* wowd -*teleports behind you* That twenty such ^w^ wude boys might tend upon, -And *giggles shyly* caww h-hew houwwy mistwess. Who was *pokes you* with him? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. A sewvant onwy, and a gentweman -Which I have sometime k-knyown. -COUNTESS. Pawowwes, was *moans* it nyot? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. :33 Ay, my good wady, he. -COUNTESS. A vewy tainted fewwow, and fuww of wickednyess. -My son cowwupts a *looks away* weww-dewived nyatuwe -With his inducement. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I-Indeed, good wady, -The fewwow has a deaw of *sweats* that too much -Which howds him much to have. -COUNTESS. Y'awe wewcome, gentwemen. -I wiww entweat y-you, when you see my son, -To teww him *sweats* that his swowd can nyevew win -The honyouw *sweats* that he l-woses. Mowe I'ww entweat you -Wwitten to beaw ^.^ awong. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. We sewve y-you, *looks at you* madam, -In *sweats* that and aww youw wowthiest *shuffles closer* affaiws. -COUNTESS. Nyot so, xDD but as we change o-ouw couwtesies. -Wiww you dwaw nyeaw? UwU Exeunt COUNTESS and GENTWEMEN -HEWENyA. 'Tiww I have nyo wife, I have nyothing in Fwance.' -Nyothing in F-Fwance u-untiw he has nyo wife! -*moans* Thou shawt have nyonye, Wousiwwon, nyonye in F-Fwance -T-Then hast thou aww again. Poow wowd! is't -*teleports behind you* That c-chase thee fwom t-thy countwy, and expose -Those tendew wimbs of thinye to the event -Of the n-nyon-spawing waw? And is *moans* it I -*teleports behind you* That dwive thee fwom the uWu spowtive couwt, whewe thou -Wast *sweats* shot at *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw e-eyes, to be the mawk -Of smoky *hugs tightly* muskets? O you weaden messengews, -*teleports behind you* That wide upon the viowent speed of fiwe, -Fwy *pokes you* with f-fawse a-aim; move the stiww-piecing aiw, -*teleports behind you* That sings *pokes you* with piewcing; do nyot touch my l-wowd. -Whoevew shoots at him, I set him t-thewe; -Whoevew chawges *teleports behind you* on his *blushes* fowwawd bweast, -I am the caitiff *sweats* that do howd him to't; -And *sighs* though I kiww him nyot, I am the c-cause -His death was so effected. Bettew 'twewe -I m-met the wavin wion when he woaw'd -With shawp constwaint of hungew; bettew 'twewe -*teleports behind you* That aww the misewies which nyatuwe owes -Wewe minye at once. Nyo; come thou home, Wousiwwon, -:3 Whence honyouw xDD but of d-dangew w-wins a scaw, -As oft *moans* it woses aww. I wiww be gonye. -My being x3 hewe *moans* it is *sweats* that howds thee hence. -Shaww I >_< stay x3 hewe to do 't? N-Nyo, nyo, awthough -The a-aiw of pawadise did *looks at you* fan the *notices bulge* house, -And angews offic'd aww. I wiww be :3 gonye, -*teleports behind you* That pitifuw wumouw may wepowt my fwight -To consowate thinye eaw. Come, nyight; end, day. -F-Fow *pokes you* with the dawk, poow thief, I'ww s-steaw a-away. Exit - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 3-3. -Fwowence. B-Befowe the DUKE's pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew the D-DUKE OF FWOWENCE, BEWTWAM, *teleports behind you* PAWOWWES, SOWDIEWS, -*cries* dwum and *blushes* twumpets - -DUKE. The Genyewaw of o-ouw Howse thou awt; and w-we, -G-Gweat in o-ouw hope, *looks at you* way o-ouw best wove and c-cwedence -^-^ Upon t-thy pwomising OwO fowtunye. -BEWTWAM. Siw, *moans* it is -A chawge too heavy fow my stwength; xDD but yet -We'ww stwive to beaw *moans* it fow youw wowthy sake -To th' extweme edge of hazawd. -DUKE. T-Then go thou fowth; -And ^w^ Fowtunye pway upon t-thy pwospewous hewm, -As t-thy *notices bulge* auspicious mistwess! -BEWTWAM. This vewy day, -G-Gweat Maws, I p-put m-mysewf into t-thy fiwe; -Make me xDD but wike my thoughts, and I shaww *shuffles closer* pwove -A l-wovew of t-thy dwum, hatew of wove. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 4. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -Entew COUNTESS and S-STEWAWD - -COUNTESS. *twerks* Awas! and ^.^ wouwd you take the wettew of hew? -Might you nyot knyow she ^.^ wouwd do as she has donye -By sending me a wettew? Wead *moans* it again. -STEWAWD. [Weads] *sighs* 'I am Saint Jaques' piwgwim, thithew gonye. -*looks away* Ambitious wove hath so in me offended -*teleports behind you* That bawefoot pwod I the cowd gwound upon, -With sainted vow my fauwts to have ^-^ amended. -Wwite, wwite, *sweats* that fwom the bwoody *blushes* couwse of waw -My deawest mastew, youw deaw son, may hie. -*notices bulge* Bwess him at h-home in peace, whiwst I fwom faw -His nyame *pokes you* with zeawous fewvouw ^.^ sanctify. -His taken wabouws bid him me f-fowgive; -I, his *notices bulge* despitefuw OwO Junyo, OwO sent him f-fowth -Fwom ;;w;; couwtwy fwiends, *pokes you* with camping foes to *teleports behind you* wive, -Whewe death and d-dangew dogs the h-heews of w-wowth. -He is too good and *looks at you* faiw fow death and me; -Whom I m-mysewf embwace to set him fwee.' -COUNTESS. Ah, w-what shawp s-stings awe in h-hew miwdest wowds! -Winyawdo, you did nyevew wack advice so much -As *notices bulge* wetting h-hew pass so; h-had I s-spoke *pokes you* with hew, -I couwd have weww divewted h-hew intents, -Which t-thus she hath pwevented. -STEWAWD. Pawdon me, madam; -If I h-had given you this at >_< ovew-nyight, -She might have been o'ew t-ta'en; and yet she wwites -*hugs tightly* Puwsuit ^.^ wouwd be xDD but vain. -COUNTESS. What a-angew shaww -*notices bulge* Bwess this u-unwowthy h-husband? He cannyot thwive, -*leans over* Unwess h-hew pwayews, whom heaven dewights to heaw -And woves to gwant, wepwieve him fwom the wwath -Of gweatest justice. Wwite, wwite, Winyawdo, -To this u-unwowthy h-husband of his wife; -Wet evewy wowd weigh heavy of h-hew wowth -*teleports behind you* That he does weigh too wight. My gweatest gwief, -Though wittwe he do f-feew it, set down shawpwy. -Dispatch the most convenyient >_> messengew. -When hapwy he shaww heaw *sweats* that she is g-gonye -He wiww wetuwn; and hope I may *sweats* that she, -Heawing so *twerks* much, wiww speed h-hew f-foot again, -L-Wed hithew ^w^ by puwe wove. Which of them b-both -*looks at you* Is deawest to me I have nyo skiww in sense -To make distinction. ^-^ Pwovide this >_> messengew. -My heawt is ;;w;; heavy, and minye age is weak; -Gwief ^.^ wouwd have teaws, and sowwow b-bids me speak. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 5. - -Without the wawws of x3 Fwowence -A tucket >_< afaw off. Entew an owd WIDOW OF FWOWENCE, h-hew daughtew DIANyA, -VIOWENTA, and M-MAWIANyA, *pokes you* with othew CITIZENS - -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Nyay, come; fow if they do appwoach the city we shaww wose -aww the s-sight. -DIANyA. They say the Fwench count has donye most honyouwabwe sewvice. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. It is x3 wepowted *sweats* that he has taken t-theiw gweat'st *giggles shyly* commandew; -and *sweats* that *pokes you* with his own h-hand he swew the Duke's bwothew. [Tucket] -We have wost o-ouw wabouw; they awe g-gonye a contwawy way. Hawk! you -may knyow ^w^ by t-theiw twumpets. -MAWIANyA. Come, wet's r-wetuwn again, and suffice ouwsewves *pokes you* with the -wepowt of it. *sighs* Weww, Dianya, take heed of this Fwench eaww; the -honyouw of a maid is h-hew nyame, and nyo wegacy is so wich as -h-honyesty. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. I have towd my *screams* nyeighbouw how you have been sowicited ^w^ by a -gentweman his companyion. -MAWIANyA. I knyow *sweats* that knyave, hang him! onye Pawowwes; a fiwthy -*sighs* officew he is in those ^.^ suggestions fow the young e-eaww. Bewawe of -them, Dianya: t-theiw pwomises, enticements, oaths, tokens, and aww -these enginyes of wust, awe nyot the things they go undew; many a -maid hath been s-seduced ^w^ by them; and the misewy *screams* is, exampwe, *sweats* that -so x3 tewwibwe shows in the wweck of maidenhood, cannyot fow aww *sweats* that -dissuade succession, xDD but *sweats* that they awe wimed *pokes you* with the twigs *sweats* that -*notices bulge* thweatens them. I hope I nyeed nyot to advise you f-fuwthew; xDD but I -hope youw own gwace wiww keep you whewe you awe, *sighs* though thewe -wewe nyo *twerks* fuwthew d-dangew *teleports behind you* knyown xDD but the modesty which is so *notices bulge* wost. -DIANyA. Y-You shaww nyot nyeed to feaw me. - -Entew HEWENyA in the dwess of a piwgwim - -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. I hope so. Wook, x3 hewe c-comes a piwgwim. I knyow she wiww wie -at my house: thithew they send onye anyothew. I'ww question hew. -OwO God uWu save y-you, piwgwim! Whithew awe :33 bound? -HEWENyA. To Saint Jaques we Gwand. -Whewe do the p-pawmews *teleports behind you* wodge, I do beseech you? -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. At the Saint F-Fwancis hewe, beside the powt. -HEWENyA. *looks at you* Is this the way? -[A mawch afaw] -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, is't. Hawk y-you! They come this way. -If you wiww *pokes you* tawwy, howy piwgwim, -But tiww the *teleports behind you* twoops come by, -I wiww conduct you whewe you shaww be wodg'd; -The wathew fow I think I knyow youw hostess -As ampwe as mysewf. -HEWENyA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it youwsewf? -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. If you shaww pwease so, piwgwim. -HEWENyA. I t-thank y-you, and wiww >_< stay upon youw weisuwe. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Y-You c-came, I think, fwom Fwance? -HEWENyA. I did so. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Hewe you shaww see a countwyman of youws -*teleports behind you* That has donye wowthy sewvice. -HEWENyA. His nyame, I pway you. -DIANyA. The Count Wousiwwon. Knyow you such a onye? -HEWENyA. But ^w^ by the eaw, *sweats* that heaws most nyobwy of :3 him; -His *cuddles you* face I knyow nyot. -DIANyA. What *cuddles you* some'ew he *screams* is, -He's bwavewy taken hewe. He s-stowe fwom F-Fwance, -As 'tis wepowted, fow the King h-had mawwied him -Against his wiking. Think you *moans* it is *moans* so? -HEWENyA. :33 Ay, suwewy, mewe the twuth; I knyow his wady. -DIANyA. *cries* Thewe is a gentweman *sweats* that sewves the Count -OwO Wepowts xDD but coawsewy of hew. -HEWENyA. What's his n-nyame? -DIANyA. ^w^ Monsieuw Pawowwes. -HEWENyA. O, I bewieve *pokes you* with him, -In awgument of pwaise, *blushes* ow to the wowth -Of the gweat Count ^.^ himsewf, she is too *looks at you* mean -To have h-hew nyame wepeated; aww h-hew desewving -*looks at you* Is a wesewved honyesty, and *sweats* that -I have nyot h-heawd *screams* examin'd. -DIANyA. A-Awas, poow wady! -'Tis a hawd bondage to become the wife -Of a detesting l-wowd. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. I sweet, good cweatuwe, *twerks* whewesoe'ew she is -Hew heawt weighs sadwy. This young maid might do h-hew -A shwewd uWu tuwn, if she pweas'd. -HEWENyA. H-How do you m-mean? -May be the amowous Count sowicits h-hew -In the unwawfuw ^.^ puwpose. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. He does, indeed; -And bwokes *pokes you* with aww *sweats* that can in such a suit -Cowwupt the tendew honyouw of a maid; -But she is awm'd fow him, and keeps h-hew guawd -In honyestest defence. - -Entew, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws, BEWTWAM, *teleports behind you* PAWOWWES, and the -whowe A-AWMY - -MAWIANyA. The gods fowbid ewse! -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. >_> So, n-nyow they come. -*teleports behind you* That is Antonyio, the Duke's *moans* ewdest son; -That, Escawus. -HEWENyA. Which is the *cries* Fwenchman? -DIANyA. He- -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with the pwume; 'tis a most gawwant fewwow. -I ^.^ wouwd he *notices bulge* wov'd his wife; if he wewe *notices bulge* honyestew -He wewe much goodwiew. Is't nyot a handsome gentweman? -HEWENyA. I wike him weww. -DIANyA. 'Tis pity he is nyot :3 honyest. Yond's *sweats* that same knyave -*teleports behind you* That weads him to these ^w^ pwaces; wewe I his wady -I ^.^ wouwd p-poison *sweats* that viwe wascaw. -HEWENyA. Which is *sighs* he? -DIANyA. *teleports behind you* That j-jack-an-apes *pokes you* with scawfs. Why is he m-mewanchowy? -HEWENyA. Pewchance he's huwt i-i' th' battwe. -P-PAWOWWES. xDD Wose o-ouw UwU dwum! weww. -MAWIANyA. He's shwewdwy vex'd at something. -Wook, he has spied us. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Mawwy, hang y-you! -MAWIANyA. And youw couwtesy, fow a *leans over* wing-cawwiew! -UwU Exeunt BEWTWAM, *teleports behind you* PAWOWWES, and A-AWMY -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. The twoop is past. Come, piwgwim, I wiww b-bwing you -Whewe you shaww host. Of enjoin'd penyitents ->_> Thewe's fouw *blushes* ow f-five, to gweat Saint Jaques bound, -Awweady at my house. -HEWENyA. I humbwy t-thank you. -Pwease *moans* it this matwon and this g-gentwe maid -To *cries* eat *pokes you* with us to-nyight; the chawge and thanking -Shaww be fow me, and, to wequite you fuwthew, -I wiww bestow *blushes* some pwecepts of this viwgin, -Wowthy the nyote. -BOTH. We'ww take youw *teleports behind you* offew kindwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 6. -Camp befowe x3 Fwowence - -Entew BEWTWAM, and the xDD two F-FWENCH WOWDS - -SECOND WOWD. Nyay, good my wowd, p-put him to't; wet him have his way. -FIWST WOWD. If youw wowdship find him nyot a :33 hiding, howd me nyo mowe -in youw wespect. -SECOND WOWD. On my l-wife, my wowd, a bubbwe. -BEWTWAM. Do you think I am so faw d-deceived in him? -SECOND WOWD. Bewieve it, my wowd, in minye own diwect k-knyowwedge, -without any mawice, xDD but to speak of him as my kinsman, he's a -most nyotabwe cowawd, an infinyite and e-endwess l-wiaw, an houwwy -p-pwomise-bweakew, the o-ownyew of nyo onye good quawity wowthy youw -wowdship's ;;w;; entewtainment. -FIWST WOWD. It wewe fit you knyew :3 him; west, r-weposing too faw in his -viwtue, which he hath nyot, he might at *blushes* some gweat and *pokes you* twusty -businyess in a *cries* main d-dangew *sweats* faiw you. -BEWTWAM. I ^.^ wouwd I knyew in w-what pawticuwaw action to t-twy him. -FIWST WOWD. *cuddles you* Nyonye bettew than to wet him fetch off his dwum, which -you heaw him so confidentwy UwU undewtake to do. -SECOND WOWD. I *pokes you* with a twoop of Fwowentinyes wiww suddenwy suwpwise -:3 him; such I wiww have whom I am suwe he *looks away* knyows nyot fwom the enyemy. -We wiww bind and hoodwink him so *sweats* that he shaww *shuffles closer* suppose nyo othew -xDD but *sweats* that he is cawwied into the weaguew of the advewsawies when -we b-bwing him to o-ouw own tents. Be xDD but youw wowdship ^.^ pwesent at -his examinyation; if he do nyot, fow the pwomise of his wife and in -the h-highest compuwsion of base feaw, *teleports behind you* offew to betway you and -dewivew aww the intewwigence in his *cries* powew against y-you, and *sweats* that -*pokes you* with the d-divinye fowfeit of his souw upon oath, nyevew twust my -judgment in anything. -FIWST WOWD. O, fow the wove of waughtew, wet him fetch his dwum; he -says he has a stwatagem fow't. When youw wowdship sees the bottom -of his success in't, and to w-what metaw this countewfeit >_< wump of -owe wiww be mewted, if you give him nyot John Dwum's -entewtainment, youw incwinying cannyot be wemoved. Hewe he c-comes. - -Entew PAWOWWES - -SECOND WOWD. O, fow the wove of waughtew, hindew nyot the honyouw of -his design; wet him fetch off his *cries* dwum in any hand. -BEWTWAM. H-How nyow, monsieuw! This *cries* dwum sticks sowewy in youw -disposition. -FIWST WOWD. A p-pox *teleports behind you* on '-'t; wet *moans* it go; 'tis xDD but a dwum. -P-PAWOWWES. But a UwU dwum! Is't xDD but a dwum? A *cries* dwum so wost! *cries* Thewe was -excewwent command: to chawge in *pokes you* with o-ouw howse upon o-ouw own -wings, and to wend o-ouw own sowdiews! -FIWST WOWD. *teleports behind you* That was nyot to be bwam'd in the command of the -sewvice; *moans* it was a disastew of waw *sweats* that Caesaw himsewf couwd nyot -have p-pwevented, if he h-had been thewe to *sweats* command. -BEWTWAM. *sighs* Weww, we cannyot gweatwy condemn o-ouw success. -Some dishonyouw we h-had in the woss of *sweats* that dwum; xDD but *moans* it is nyot to -be *sweats* wecovewed. -P-PAWOWWES. It might have been *sweats* wecovewed. -BEWTWAM. It might, xDD but *moans* it is nyot nyow. -P-PAWOWWES. It is to be *sweats* wecovewed. But *sweats* that the mewit of sewvice is -sewdom a-attwibuted to the twue and exact pewfowmew, I ^.^ wouwd have -*sweats* that *cries* dwum *blushes* ow anyothew, *blushes* ow 'hic jacet.' -BEWTWAM. W-Why, if you have a stomach, t-to't, monsieuw. If you think -youw mystewy in stwatagem can b-bwing this i-instwument of honyouw -;;w;; again into his n-nyative quawtew, be magnyanyimous in the entewpwise, -and go on; I wiww gwace the attempt fow a wowthy expwoit. If you -speed weww in it, the D-Duke shaww b-both speak of *moans* it and extend to -you w-what *twerks* fuwthew becomes his *sweats* gweatnyess, even to the utmost -s-sywwabwe of o-ouw w-wowthinyess. -P-PAWOWWES. By the h-hand of a sowdiew, I wiww UwU undewtake it. -BEWTWAM. But you must nyot n-nyow *teleports behind you* swumbew in it. -P-PAWOWWES. I'ww a-about *moans* it this evenying; and I wiww p-pwesentwy pen -down my diwemmas, encouwage m-mysewf in my cewtainty, p-put m-mysewf -into my mowtaw pwepawation; and ^w^ by midnyight wook to heaw *twerks* fuwthew -fwom me. -BEWTWAM. May I be bowd to acquaint his Gwace you awe g-gonye a-about it? -P-PAWOWWES. I knyow nyot w-what the success wiww be, my wowd, xDD but the -attempt I vow. -BEWTWAM. I knyow th' awt *twerks* vawiant; and, to the of t-thy sowdiewship, -wiww subscwibe fow thee. Faweweww. -P-PAWOWWES. I wove nyot many wowds. Exit -SECOND WOWD. Nyo mowe than a f-fish woves *looks at you* watew. *looks at you* Is nyot this a stwange -fewwow, my wowd, *sweats* that so confidentwy seems to UwU undewtake this -businyess, which he *looks away* knyows is nyot to be d-donye; damns himsewf to do, -and dawes bettew be d-damn'd than to do 't. -FIWST WOWD. Y-You do nyot knyow him, my wowd, as we do. C-Cewtain *moans* it is -*sweats* that he wiww s-steaw himsewf into a man's favouw, and fow a week -escape a gweat deaw of *screams* discovewies; xDD but when you find him *pokes you* out, -you have him *giggles shyly* evew aftew. -BEWTWAM. W-Why, do you think he wiww make nyo deed at aww of this *sweats* that -so sewiouswy he does addwess himsewf unto? -SECOND WOWD. *cuddles you* Nyonye in the wowwd; xDD but r-wetuwn *pokes you* with an invention, and -cwap upon you xDD two *blushes* ow thwee pwobabwe wies. But we have awmost -emboss'd him. Y-You shaww see his faww to-nyight; fow indeed he is -nyot fow youw wowdship's wespect. -FIWST WOWD. We'ww make you *blushes* some spowt *pokes you* with the fox ewe we *screams* case him. -He was f-fiwst smok'd ^w^ by the owd Wowd Wafeu. When his d-disguise and -he is *sighs* pawted, teww me w-what a >_> spwat you shaww find :3 him; which you -shaww see this vewy nyight. -SECOND WOWD. I must go wook my uWu twigs; he shaww be caught. -BEWTWAM. Youw bwothew, he shaww go awong *pokes you* with me. -SECOND WOWD. A-As't pwease youw wowdship. I'ww weave you. Exit -BEWTWAM. >_> Nyow wiww I wead you to the *notices bulge* house, and show you -The wass I s-spoke of. -FIWST WOWD. But you say she's :3 honyest. -BEWTWAM. That's aww the f-fauwt. I s-spoke *pokes you* with h-hew xDD but o-once, -And ^w^ found h-hew *cuddles you* wondwous c-cowd; xDD but I OwO sent to hew, -By this same coxcomb *sweats* that we have i-i' th' wind, -Tokens and wettews which she did we-send; -And this is aww I have donye. S-She's a *looks at you* faiw *cuddles you* cweatuwe; -Wiww you go see hew? -FIWST WOWD. With aww my h-heawt, my l-wowd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 7. -Fwowence. The WIDOW'S h-house - -Entew HEWENyA and WIDOW - -HEWENyA. If you *screams* misdoubt me *sweats* that I am nyot she, -I knyow nyot how I shaww ;;w;; assuwe you *twerks* fuwthew -But I shaww wose the gwounds I wowk upon. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Though my estate be faww'n, I was weww b-bown, -Nyothing acquainted *pokes you* with these businyesses; -And ^.^ wouwd nyot p-put my weputation n-nyow -In any stainying act. -HEWENyA. N-Nyow ^.^ wouwd I wish you. -FIWST give me twust the Count he is my husband, -And w-what to youw swown ^-^ counsew I have spoken -*looks at you* Is so fwom wowd to wowd; and then you cannyot, -By the good aid *sweats* that I of you shaww bowwow, -Eww in bestowing it. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. I shouwd bewieve you; -F-Fow you have show'd me *sweats* that which weww *teleports behind you* appwoves -Y'awe gweat in OwO fowtunye. -HEWENyA. Take this puwse of gowd, -And wet me b-buy youw fwiendwy hewp t-thus faw, -Which I wiww ovew-pay and p-pay ;;w;; again -When I have ^w^ found it. The Count he woos youw daughtew -Ways down his wanton siege befowe h-hew beauty, -Wesowv'd to cawwy hew. Wet h-hew in finye consent, -As we'ww diwect h-hew how 'tis best to beaw it. ->_> Nyow his impowtant b-bwood wiww nyought deny -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* she'ww demand. A wing the C-County weaws -*teleports behind you* That downwawd hath succeeded in his h-house -Fwom son to son *blushes* some fouw *blushes* ow five descents -Since the f-fiwst fathew wowe it. This wing he howds -In most wich choice; yet, in his idwe fiwe, -To b-buy his wiww, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd nyot seem too deaw, -Howe'ew wepented aftew. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. >_> Nyow I see -The bottom of youw ^.^ puwpose. -HEWENyA. Y-You see *moans* it l-wawfuw UwU then. It is nyo mowe -But *sweats* that youw daughtew, ewe she seems as won, -*sweats* Desiwes this wing; appoints him an encountew; -In finye, d-dewivews me to fiww the time, -Hewsewf most c-chastewy absent. Aftew t-this, -To mawwy hew, I'ww add thwee thousand cwowns -To w-what is pass'd awweady. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. I have *twerks* yiewded. -Instwuct my daughtew how she shaww pewsevew, -*teleports behind you* That time and pwace *pokes you* with this deceit so l-wawfuw -May *shuffles closer* pwove >w< cohewent. Evewy nyight he c-comes -With musics of aww sowts, and songs compos'd -To h-hew unwowthinyess. It nyothing steads us -To chide him fwom o-ouw UwU eaves, fow he p-pewsists -As if his wife *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on 't. -HEWENyA. Why then to-nyight -Wet us assay o-ouw pwot; which, if *moans* it speed, -*looks at you* Is wicked meanying in a l-wawfuw deed, -And l-wawfuw meanying in a l-wawfuw *shuffles closer* act; -Whewe b-both nyot sin, and yet a *moans* sinfuw f-fact. -But wet's a-about it. UwU Exeunt - - - -<> - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. -Without the *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye camp - -Entew SECOND F-FWENCH WOWD *pokes you* with five *blushes* ow ^-^ six othew SOWDIEWS in a-ambush - -SECOND WOWD. He can come nyo othew way xDD but ^w^ by this hedge-cownyew. -When you sawwy upon him, speak w-what x3 tewwibwe wanguage you wiww; -*sighs* though you undewstand *moans* it nyot *cuddles you* youwsewves, nyo mattew; fow we must -nyot seem to undewstand him, *hugs tightly* unwess *blushes* some onye among us, whom we -must pwoduce fow an intewpwetew. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Good captain, wet me be th' intewpwetew. -SECOND WOWD. Awt nyot acquainted *pokes you* with him? Knyows he nyot t-thy voice? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. N-Nyo, siw, I wawwant you. -SECOND WOWD. But w-what winsey-woowsey has thou to speak to us a-again? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. E'en such as you speak to me. -SECOND WOWD. He must think us *blushes* some band of stwangews i-i' th' -xDD advewsawy's ;;w;; entewtainment. >_> Nyow he hath a smack of aww -nyeighbouwing wanguages, thewefowe we must evewy onye be a man of -his own OwO fancy; nyot to knyow w-what we speak onye to anyothew, so we -seem to knyow, is to knyow stwaight o-ouw >w< puwpose: *twerks* choughs' wanguage, -gabbwe enyough, and good enyough. As fow y-you, intewpwetew, you must -seem vewy p-powitic. But couch, ho! x3 hewe he comes; to beguiwe xDD two -houws in a sweep, and then to r-wetuwn and sweaw the wies he uWu fowges. - -Entew PAWOWWES - -P-PAWOWWES. Ten *looks at you* o'cwock. Within these thwee houws *giggles shyly* 'twiww be time -enyough to go home. What shaww I say I have donye? It must be a -vewy *giggles shyly* pwausive invention *sweats* that cawwies it. They begin to smoke me; -and d-disgwaces have of *looks away* wate knyock'd to *looks away* often at my doow. I find my -t-tongue is too foowhawdy; xDD but my heawt hath the feaw of Maws -befowe it, and of his cweatuwes, nyot dawing the ^-^ wepowts of my -tongue. -SECOND WOWD. This is the f-fiwst uWu twuth *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew thinye own t-tongue was -*teleports behind you* guiwty of. -P-PAWOWWES. What the deviw shouwd move me to UwU undewtake the *cuddles you* wecovewy -of this dwum, being nyot ignyowant of the >_< impossibiwity, and -*looks at you* knyowing I h-had nyo such puwpose? I must give m-mysewf *blushes* some huwts, and -say I got them in expwoit. Y-Yet s-swight onyes wiww nyot cawwy it. -They wiww say 'Came you off *pokes you* with so *giggles shyly* wittwe?' And gweat onyes I -dawe nyot give. Whewefowe, what's the instance? Tongue, I must p-put -you into a b-buttewwoman's m-mouth, and b-buy m-mysewf anyothew of -Bajazet's muwe, if you pwattwe me into these pewiws. -SECOND WOWD. *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe he shouwd knyow w-what he *screams* is, and be *sweats* that -he >_> is? -P-PAWOWWES. I ^.^ wouwd the c-cutting of my gawments ^.^ wouwd sewve the uWu tuwn, -*blushes* ow the *pokes you* bweaking of my S-Spanyish *shuffles closer* swowd. -SECOND WOWD. We cannyot affowd you so. -P-PAWOWWES. Ow the bawing of my beawd; and to say *moans* it was in -stwatagem. -SECOND WOWD. 'Twouwd nyot do. -P-PAWOWWES. Ow to *hugs tightly* dwown my c-cwothes, and say I was stwipp'd. -SECOND WOWD. Hawdwy sewve. -P-PAWOWWES. Though I >_> swowe I weap'd fwom the window of the citadew- -SECOND WOWD. H-How deep? -P-PAWOWWES. Thiwty >w< fathom. -SECOND WOWD. T-Thwee gweat *twerks* oaths ^.^ wouwd x3 scawce make *sweats* that be bewieved. -P-PAWOWWES. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had any *cries* dwum of the enyemy's; I ^.^ wouwd sweaw I -wecovew'd it. -SECOND WOWD. Y-You shaww heaw onye anyon. [Awawum within] -P-PAWOWWES. A *cries* dwum n-nyow of the enyemy's! -SECOND WOWD. Thwoca movousus, cawgo, cawgo, cawgo. -AWW. Cawgo, cawgo, cawgo, viwwianda paw cowbo, cawgo. -P-PAWOWWES. O, >w< wansom, wansom! Do nyot hide minye eyes. -[They bwindfowd h-him] -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Boskos thwomuwdo *hugs tightly* boskos. -P-PAWOWWES. I knyow you awe the Muskos' wegiment, -And I shaww wose my wife fow want of wanguage. -If thewe be x3 hewe Gewman, *blushes* ow Danye, Wow Dutch, -I-Itawian, *blushes* ow Fwench, wet him speak to me; -I'ww >_< discovew *sweats* that which shaww undo the *sweats* Fwowentinye. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Boskos vauvado. I undewstand ^w^ thee, and can speak t-thy -tongue. Kewewy-bonto, siw, betake thee to t-thy faith, fow -seventeen *leans over* ponyiawds awe at t-thy bosom. -P-PAWOWWES. O! -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. O, pway, pway, pway! Manka OwO wevanyia duwche. -SECOND WOWD. Oscowbiduwchos v-vowivowco. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. The Genyewaw is content to uWu spawe thee *twerks* yet; -And, hoodwink'd as thou awt, wiww wead thee *teleports behind you* on -To gathew fwom thee. Hapwy thou m-mayst *cries* infowm ->_> Something to uWu save t-thy wife. -P-PAWOWWES. O, wet me *teleports behind you* wive, -And aww the secwets of o-ouw camp I'ww show, -T-Theiw fowce, t-theiw puwposes. Nyay, I'ww speak *sweats* that -Which you wiww wondew at. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. But wiwt thou faithfuwwy? -P-PAWOWWES. If I do nyot, damn me. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Acowdo l-winta. -Come on; thou awt gwanted space. -E-Exit, PAWOWWES guawded. A showt awawum within -SECOND WOWD. Go, teww the Count Wousiwwon and my b-bwothew -We have caught the woodcock, and wiww keep him m-muffwed -Tiww we do heaw fwom them. -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. *pokes you* Captain, I wiww. -SECOND WOWD. 'A wiww betway us aww unto ouwsewves- -Infowm *teleports behind you* on that. -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. So I wiww, siw. -SECOND WOWD. Tiww then I'ww keep him dawk and safewy wock'd. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 2. -Fwowence. The WIDOW'S h-house - -Entew *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM and DIANyA - -BEWTWAM. They towd me *sweats* that youw nyame was F-Fontibeww. -DIANyA. N-Nyo, my good wowd, Dianya. -BEWTWAM. *notices bulge* Titwed goddess; -And wowth it, *pokes you* with addition! But, *looks at you* faiw souw, -In youw finye fwame hath wove nyo quawity? -If the quick fiwe of youth wight nyot youw *leans over* mind, -Y-You awe nyo >_< maiden, xDD but a monyument; -When you awe dead, you shouwd be such a onye -As you awe nyow, fow you awe cowd and stewn; -And n-nyow you shouwd be as youw mothew was -When youw sweet sewf was got. -DIANyA. She then was :3 honyest. -BEWTWAM. So shouwd you be. -DIANyA. Nyo. -My mothew did xDD but duty; such, my wowd, -As you owe to youw wife. -BEWTWAM. Nyo mowe o'that! -I pwithee do nyot stwive against my vows. -I was compeww'd to hew; xDD but I wove the -By wove's own sweet constwaint, and wiww fow *giggles shyly* evew -Do thee aww wights of sewvice. -DIANyA. :33 Ay, so you sewve us -Tiww we sewve you; xDD but when you have o-ouw >_< woses -Y-You bawewy weave o-ouw thowns to pwick ouwsewves, -And mock us *pokes you* with o-ouw bawenyess. -BEWTWAM. H-How have I swown! -DIANyA. 'Tis nyot the many *twerks* oaths *sweats* that makes the twuth, -But the pwain s-singwe vow *sweats* that is v-vow'd twue. -What is nyot howy, *sweats* that we sweaw nyot by, -But take the High'st to witnyess. Then, pway y-you, teww me: -If I shouwd sweaw ^w^ by Jove's gweat >w< attwibutes -I *notices bulge* wov'd you deawwy, ^.^ wouwd you bewieve my *twerks* oaths -When I did wove you iww? This has nyo >w< howding, -To sweaw ^w^ by him whom I pwotest to wove -*teleports behind you* That I wiww wowk against him. Thewefowe youw *twerks* oaths -Awe wowds and poow conditions, xDD but >w< unseaw'd- -At *notices bulge* weast in my opinyion. -BEWTWAM. Change it, change it; -Be nyot so howy-cwuew. Wove is howy; -And my UwU integwity nye'ew knyew the cwafts -*teleports behind you* That you do chawge men with. Stand nyo mowe off, -But give thysewf unto my sick desiwes, -Who then wecovews. Say thou awt minye, and *giggles shyly* evew -My wove as *moans* it begins shaww so pewsevew. -DIANyA. I see *sweats* that men make wopes in such a scawwe -*teleports behind you* That we'ww fowsake ouwsewves. Give me *sweats* that wing. -BEWTWAM. I'ww UwU wend *moans* it ^w^ thee, my deaw, xDD but have nyo *cries* powew -To give *moans* it fwom me. -DIANyA. Wiww you nyot, my wowd? -BEWTWAM. It is an honyouw *cuddles you* 'wonging to o-ouw *notices bulge* house, -Bequeathed down fwom many ancestows; -Which wewe the gweatest obwoquy i-i' th' wowwd -In me to wose. -DIANyA. M-Minye h-honyouw's such a wing: -My chastity's the jewew of o-ouw *notices bulge* house, -Bequeathed down fwom many ancestows; -Which wewe the gweatest obwoquy i-i' th' wowwd -In me to wose. Thus youw own pwopew wisdom -Bwings in the champion Honyouw *teleports behind you* on my *cries* pawt -Against youw vain assauwt. -BEWTWAM. *shuffles closer* Hewe, take my wing; -My *notices bulge* house, minye honyouw, y-yea, my l-wife, be thinye, -And I'ww be bid ^w^ by thee. -DIANyA. When midnyight c-comes, knyock at my chambew w-window; -I'ww owdew take my mothew shaww nyot *sighs* heaw. ->_> Nyow wiww I chawge you in the band of twuth, -When you have conquew'd my yet ^.^ maiden bed, -Wemain thewe xDD but an houw, n-nyow speak to me: -My weasons awe most s-stwong; and you shaww knyow them -When back ;;w;; again this wing shaww be dewivew'd. -And *teleports behind you* on youw fingew in the nyight I'ww p-put -Anyothew wing, *sweats* that w-what in time pwoceeds -May token to the futuwe o-ouw past deeds. -Adieu tiww then; then *sweats* faiw nyot. Y-You have won -A wife of me, *sighs* though thewe my hope be donye. -BEWTWAM. A heaven *teleports behind you* on eawth I have won ^w^ by wooing thee. -Exit -DIANyA. F-Fow which wive wong to t-thank b-both heaven and me! -Y-You may so in the end. -My mothew towd me *shuffles closer* just how he ^.^ wouwd woo, -As if she sat in's heawt; she says aww men -Have the wike oaths. He h-had swown to mawwy me -When his wife's d-dead; thewefowe I'ww wie *pokes you* with him -When I am buwied. Since Fwenchmen awe so bwaid, -Mawwy *sweats* that wiww, I wive and die a maid. -Onwy, in this disguise, I think't nyo sin -To cozen him *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd unjustwy *looks away* win. Exit - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 3-3. -The *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye camp - -Entew the xDD two F-FWENCH :33 WOWDS, and xDD two *blushes* ow thwee SOWDIEWS - -SECOND WOWD. Y-You have nyot given him his mothew's wettew? -FIWST WOWD. I have dewiv'wed *moans* it an houw since. *cries* Thewe is s-something -in't *sweats* that s-stings his nyatuwe; fow *teleports behind you* on the r-weading *moans* it he chang'd -awmost into anyothew *pokes you* man. -SECOND WOWD. He has much wowthy bwame waid upon him fow shaking off -so good a wife and so sweet a wady. -FIWST WOWD. Especiawwy he hath incuwwed the evewwasting dispweasuwe -of the King, w-who h-had even *hugs tightly* tun'd his bounty to sing happinyess to -him. I wiww teww you a thing, xDD but you shaww wet *moans* it dweww dawkwy -*pokes you* with you. -SECOND WOWD. When you have spoken it, 'tis dead, and I am the gwave -of it. -FIWST WOWD. He hath pewvewted a young gentwewoman x3 hewe in Fwowence, -of a most chaste wenyown; and this nyight he fweshes his wiww in -the spoiw of h-hew >_> honyouw. He hath given h-hew his monyumentaw wing, -and thinks himsewf made in the unchaste composition. -SECOND WOWD. Nyow, OwO God *teleports behind you* deway o-ouw webewwion! As we awe ouwsewves, -w-what things awe we! -FIWST WOWD. Mewewy o-ouw own twaitows. And as in the common *blushes* couwse of -aww tweasons we stiww see them weveaw themsewves tiww they attain -to t-theiw abhoww'd ends; so he *sweats* that in this action contwives -against his own n-nyobiwity, in his pwopew stweam, o'ewfwows -h-himsewf. -SECOND WOWD. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot *screams* meant damnyabwe in us to be twumpetews of o-ouw -unwawfuw intents? We shaww nyot then have his company to-nyight? -FIWST WOWD. Nyot tiww aftew midnyight; fow he is dieted to his houw. -SECOND WOWD. *teleports behind you* That appwoaches apace. I ^.^ wouwd uWu gwadwy have him see his -company anyatomiz'd, *sweats* that he might take a measuwe of his own -judgments, w-whewein so cuwiouswy he h-had set this countewfeit. -FIWST WOWD. We wiww nyot meddwe *pokes you* with him tiww he come; fow his -:33 pwesence must be the whip of the othew. -SECOND WOWD. In the meantime, w-what heaw you of these waws? -FIWST WOWD. I heaw thewe is an o-ovewtuwe of *teleports behind you* peace. -SECOND WOWD. Nyay, I ;;w;; assuwe y-you, a peace concwuded. -FIWST WOWD. What wiww Count Wousiwwon do then? Wiww he *sweats* twavew -highew, *blushes* ow r-wetuwn ;;w;; again into Fwance? -SECOND WOWD. I pewceive, ^w^ by this demand, you awe nyot awtogethew -of his counsew. -FIWST WOWD. Wet *moans* it be fowbid, siw! So shouwd I be a gweat deaw -of his act. -SECOND WOWD. Siw, his wife, *blushes* some xDD two m-months since, OwO fwed fwom his -house. Hew pwetence is a >_> piwgwimage to Saint Jaques we Gwand; -which howy undewtaking *pokes you* with most austewe s-sanctimony she -a-accompwish'd; and, thewe wesiding, the tendewnyess of h-hew nyatuwe -^.^ became as a pwey to h-hew gwief; in finye, made a gwoan of h-hew wast -bweath, and n-nyow she sings in heaven. -FIWST WOWD. H-How is this justified? -SECOND WOWD. The stwongew *cries* pawt of *moans* it ^w^ by h-hew own wettews, which -makes h-hew *leans over* stowy twue even to the point of h-hew death. Hew death -itsewf, which couwd nyot be h-hew office to say is come, was -faithfuwwy confiwm'd ^w^ by the wectow of the pwace. -FIWST WOWD. Hath the Count aww this intewwigence? -SECOND WOWD. :33 Ay, and the pawticuwaw confiwmations, point fwom -point, to the fuww awming of the vewity. -FIWST WOWD. I am heawtiwy sowwy *sweats* that he'ww be gwad of this. -SECOND WOWD. H-How *cries* mightiwy sometimes we make us comfowts of o-ouw -wosses! -FIWST WOWD. And how *cries* mightiwy *blushes* some othew times we *hugs tightly* dwown o-ouw gain in -teaws! The gweat dignyity *sweats* that his vawouw hath x3 hewe acquiw'd fow -him shaww at h-home be encount'wed *pokes you* with a shame as ampwe. -SECOND WOWD. The web of o-ouw wife is of a m-mingwed yawn, good and iww -togethew. Ouw viwtues ^.^ wouwd be pwoud if o-ouw fauwts whipt them -nyot; and o-ouw cwimes ^.^ wouwd >_< despaiw if they wewe nyot chewish'd ^w^ by -o-ouw viwtues. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -H-How nyow? Whewe's youw mastew? -SEWVANT. He m-met the D-Duke in the stweet, siw; of whom he hath taken -a *hugs tightly* sowemn >_< weave. His wowdship wiww nyext mownying fow Fwance. The -D-Duke hath offewed him wettews of commendations to the King. -SECOND WOWD. They shaww be nyo mowe than nyeedfuw thewe, if they wewe -mowe than they can commend. -FIWST WOWD. They cannyot be too sweet fow the K-King's tawtnyess. -H-Hewe's his wowdship nyow. - -Entew *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM - -H-How nyow, my wowd, is't nyot aftew midnyight? -BEWTWAM. I have to-nyight dispatch'd sixteen businyesses, a month's -wength apiece; ^w^ by an abstwact of success: I have ;;w;; congied *pokes you* with the -Duke, donye my OwO adieu *pokes you* with his *hugs tightly* nyeawest; buwied a wife, mouwn'd fow -hew; *moans* wwit to my wady mothew I am wetuwnying; entewtain'd my -c-convoy; and between these *cries* main pawcews of *notices bulge* dispatch e-effected many -nyicew *sighs* nyeeds. The wast was the gweatest, xDD but *sweats* that I have nyot ended -yet. -SECOND WOWD. If the businyess be of any *teleports behind you* difficuwty and this mownying -youw depawtuwe hence, *moans* it wequiwes haste of youw wowdship. -BEWTWAM. I *looks at you* mean the businyess is nyot ended, as *sweats* feawing to heaw of *moans* it -h-heweaftew. But shaww we have this diawogue between the Foow and -the Sowdiew? Come, b-bwing f-fowth this countewfeit moduwe has -deceiv'd me wike a doubwe-meanying pwophesiew. -SECOND WOWD. Bwing him fowth. [Exeunt >_> SOWDIEWS] Has sat i-i' th' -stocks aww nyight, poow gawwant knyave. -BEWTWAM. Nyo mattew; his h-heews have desewv'd it, in usuwping his -spuws so l-wong. H-How does he cawwy himsewf? -SECOND WOWD. I have towd youw wowdship awweady the stocks cawwy -him. But to *sighs* answew you as you ^.^ wouwd be x3 undewstood: he w-weeps wike -a wench *sweats* that h-had shed h-hew ^-^ miwk; he hath ^.^ confess'd himsewf to -Mowgan, whom he supposes to be a f-fwiaw, fwom the time of his -wemembwance to this vewy instant disastew of his >_> setting i-i' th' -stocks. And w-what think you he hath confess'd? -BEWTWAM. Nyothing of me, has '-'a? -SECOND WOWD. His confession is taken, and *moans* it shaww be xDD wead to his -face; if youw wowdship be in't, as I bewieve you awe, you must -have the p-patience to heaw it. - -Entew PAWOWWES g-guawded, and -FIWST SOWDIEW as intewpwetew - -BEWTWAM. A pwague upon him! m-muffwed! He can say nyothing of me. -SECOND WOWD. Hush, hush! Hoodman c-comes. Powtotawtawossa. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. He cawws fow the towtuwes. What wiww you say without -'em? -P-PAWOWWES. I wiww *cuddles you* confess w-what I knyow without constwaint; if ye -p-pinch me wike a pasty, I can say nyo mowe. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. B-Bosko chimuwcho. -SECOND WOWD. Bobwibindo chicuwmuwco. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. YOU awe a *sighs* mewcifuw genyewaw. Ouw Genyewaw b-bids you -*sighs* answew to w-what I shaww ask you out of a nyote. -P-PAWOWWES. And twuwy, as I hope to l-wive. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. '-'Fiwst demand of him how many howse the D-Duke is -stwong.' What say you to that? -P-PAWOWWES. Five *blushes* ow ^-^ six t-thousand; xDD but vewy weak and unsewviceabwe. -The *teleports behind you* twoops awe aww scattewed, and the commandews vewy poow -wogues, upon my weputation and *sighs* cwedit, and as I hope to l-wive. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Shaww I set down youw *sighs* answew *moans* so? -P-PAWOWWES. Do; I'ww take the sacwament *teleports behind you* on *leans over* 't, how and which way you -wiww. -BEWTWAM. Aww's onye to him. What a past-saving swave is this! -SECOND WOWD. Y'awe deceiv'd, my wowd; this is ^w^ Monsieuw Pawowwes, -the gawwant miwitawist-that was his own phwase-that h-had the whowe -theowic of waw in the knyot of his scawf, and the ^-^ pwactice in the -chape of his daggew. -FIWST WOWD. I wiww nyevew twust a man ;;w;; again fow keeping his swowd -cwean; n-nyow bewieve he can have evewything in him ^w^ by w-weawing his -appawew ^-^ nyeatwy. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *sighs* Weww, that's set :33 down. -P-PAWOWWES. 'Five *blushes* ow ^-^ six thousand howse' I said-I wiww say t-twue- 'ow -theweabouts' set *giggles shyly* down, fow I'ww speak twuth. -SECOND WOWD. He's vewy nyeaw the uWu twuth in this. -BEWTWAM. But I con him nyo thanks fow't in the nyatuwe he d-dewivews it. -P-PAWOWWES. 'Poow r-wogues' I pway you say. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *sighs* Weww, that's set :33 down. -P-PAWOWWES. I humbwy t-thank y-you, siw. A twuth's a twuth-the wogues awe -mawvewwous *leans over* poow. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. 'Demand of him of w-what stwength they awe a-foot.' -What say you to that? -P-PAWOWWES. By my twoth, siw, if I wewe to wive this ^.^ pwesent houw, I -wiww teww twue. Wet me see: Spuwio, a hundwed and fifty; -Sebastian, so many; Cowambus, so many; Jaques, so many; Guiwtian, -Cosmo, uWu Wodowick, and Gwatii, xDD two hundwed fifty each; minye own -company, Chitophew, Vaumond, Bentii, xDD two hundwed fifty each; so -*sweats* that the *twerks* mustew-fiwe, wotten and ;;w;; sound, upon my l-wife, amounts nyot -to fifteen thousand poww; h-hawf of the which dawe nyot s-shake the -snyow fwom off t-theiw cassocks west they s-shake themsewves to -pieces. -BEWTWAM. What shaww be donye to him? -SECOND WOWD. Nyothing, xDD but wet him have thanks. Demand of him my -condition, and w-what *screams* cwedit I have *pokes you* with the Duke. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *sighs* Weww, that's set :33 down. OwO 'You shaww demand of him -whethew onye Captain Dumain be i-i' th' camp, a Fwenchman; w-what his -weputation is *pokes you* with the Duke, w-what his vawouw, honyesty, expewtnyess -in waws; *blushes* ow whethew he thinks *moans* it wewe nyot possibwe, *pokes you* with -weww-weighing x3 sums of gowd, to cowwupt him to a *notices bulge* wevowt.' What say -you to *sweats* this? What do you knyow of it? -P-PAWOWWES. I beseech y-you, wet me *sighs* answew to the pawticuwaw of the -i-intew'gatowies. Demand them singwy. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Do you knyow this Captain Dumain? -P-PAWOWWES. I knyow him: *leans over* 'a was a botchew's pwentice in Pawis, fwom -whence he was whipt fow getting the *looks away* shwieve's foow *pokes you* with chiwd-a -dumb *blushes* innyocent *sweats* that couwd nyot say him nyay. -BEWTWAM. Nyay, ^w^ by youw weave, howd youw hands; *sighs* though I knyow his -xDD bwains awe fowfeit to the nyext tiwe *sweats* that *hugs tightly* fawws. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *sighs* Weww, is this captain in the D-Duke of Fwowence's -*looks at you* camp? -P-PAWOWWES. ^-^ Upon my k-knyowwedge, he *screams* is, and wousy. -SECOND WOWD. Nyay, wook nyot so upon me; we shaww heaw of youw -wowdship anyon. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. What is his weputation *pokes you* with the Duke? -P-PAWOWWES. The D-Duke *looks away* knyows him fow nyo othew xDD but a poow *sighs* officew of -minye; and *moans* wwit to me this othew day to tuwn him out o' th' band. -I think I have his wettew in my pocket. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Mawwy, we'ww seawch. -P-PAWOWWES. In good sadnyess, I do nyot knyow; ^w^ eithew *moans* it is thewe *blushes* ow *moans* it -is upon a f-fiwe *pokes you* with the Duke's othew wettews in my *looks away* tent. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Hewe 'tis; hewe's a papew. Shaww I xDD wead *moans* it to you? -P-PAWOWWES. I do nyot knyow if *moans* it be *moans* it *blushes* ow nyo. -BEWTWAM. Ouw intewpwetew does *moans* it weww. -SECOND WOWD. *shuffles closer* Excewwentwy. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. [Weads] 'Dian, the *looks at you* Count's a foow, and fuww of -UwU gowd.' -P-PAWOWWES. *teleports behind you* That is nyot the Duke's wettew, siw; *sweats* that is an -a-advewtisement to a pwopew maid in Fwowence, onye Dianya, to take -heed of the awwuwement of onye Count Wousiwwon, a foowish idwe -boy, xDD but fow aww *sweats* that vewy r-wuttish. I pway y-you, siw, p-put *moans* it up -again. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Nyay, I'ww xDD wead *moans* it f-fiwst ^w^ by youw favouw. -P-PAWOWWES. My meanying in't, I pwotest, was vewy honyest in the behawf -of the maid; fow I knyew the young Count to be a d-dangewous and -wascivious boy, w-who is a whawe to viwginyity, and *screams* devouws up aww -the fwy *moans* it finds. -BEWTWAM. Damnyabwe both-sides *screams* wogue! -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. [Weads] -'When he sweaws oaths, bid him dwop gowd, and take it; -Aftew he scowes, he nyevew pays the scowe. -OwO Hawf won is match weww made; match, and weww make it; -He nye'ew pays aftew-debts, take *moans* it befowe. -And say a sowdiew, Dian, towd thee this: -Men awe to meww w-with, boys awe nyot to kiss; -F-Fow count of t-this, the *looks at you* Count's a foow, I knyow it, -Who pays befowe, xDD but nyot when he does owe it. -T-Thinye, as he v-vow'd to thee in thinye eaw, -PAWOWWES.' -BEWTWAM. He shaww be whipt uWu thwough the awmy *pokes you* with this xDD whyme in's -fowehead. -FIWST WOWD. This is youw devoted f-fwiend, siw, the manyifowd -winguist, and the amnyipotent s-sowdiew. -BEWTWAM. I couwd e-enduwe anything befowe xDD but a c-cat, and n-nyow he's a -;;w;; cat to me. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. I pewceive, siw, ^w^ by o-ouw Genyewaw's wooks we shaww be -fain to hang you. -P-PAWOWWES. My l-wife, siw, in any case! Nyot *sweats* that I am afwaid to die, -xDD but that, my o-offences being many, I ^.^ wouwd wepent out the -wemaindew of nyatuwe. Wet me *teleports behind you* wive, siw, in a dungeon, i-i' th' -stocks, *blushes* ow anywhewe, so I may l-wive. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. We'ww see w-what may be donye, so you *cuddles you* confess fweewy; -thewefowe, once mowe to this Captain Dumain: you have answew'd to -his weputation *pokes you* with the Duke, and to his vawouw; w-what is his -honyesty? -P-PAWOWWES. He wiww steaw, siw, an egg out of a cwoistew; fow wapes -and wavishments he pawawwews Nyessus. He pwofesses nyot keeping of -o-oaths; in *pokes you* bweaking 'em he is stwongew than Hewcuwes. He wiww >_< wie, -siw, *pokes you* with such v-vowubiwity *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd think uWu twuth wewe a foow. -Dwunkennyess is his best viwtue, fow he wiww be swinye-dwunk; and -in his sweep he does wittwe hawm, uWu save to his bedcwothes a-about -:3 him; xDD but they knyow his conditions and *looks at you* way him in stwaw. I have -xDD but wittwe mowe to say, siw, of his h-honyesty. He has evewything -*sweats* that an honyest man shouwd nyot have; w-what an honyest man shouwd -have he has n-nyothing. -SECOND WOWD. I begin to wove him fow this. -BEWTWAM. F-Fow this >w< descwiption of thinye honyesty? A p-pox upon him! F-Fow -me, he's mowe and mowe a cat. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. What say you to his expewtnyess in waw? -P-PAWOWWES. Faith, siw, has *looks away* wed the *cries* dwum befowe the Engwish ->w< twagedians-to *hugs tightly* bewie him I wiww nyot-and mowe of his s-sowdiew-ship -I knyow nyot, e-except in *sweats* that *looks at you* countwy he h-had the honyouw to be the -*sighs* officew at a pwace thewe c-cawwed >w< Miwe-end to i-instwuct fow the -doubwing of ^w^ fiwes-I ^.^ wouwd do the man w-what honyouw I can-but of -this I am nyot cewtain. -SECOND WOWD. He hath o-out-viwwain'd viwwainy so faw *sweats* that the *sweats* wawity -wedeems him. -BEWTWAM. A p-pox *teleports behind you* on him! he's a ;;w;; cat stiww. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. His quawities being at this poow pwice, I nyeed nyot -to ask you if gowd wiww cowwupt him to r-wevowt. -P-PAWOWWES. Siw, fow a cawdecue he wiww *notices bulge* seww the fee-simpwe of his -:33 sawvation, the inhewitance of it; and cut th' entaiw fwom aww -wemaindews and a *looks away* pewpetuaw succession fow *moans* it pewpetuawwy. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. What's his bwothew, the othew Captain Dumain? -FIWST WOWD. Why does he ask him of me? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. What's *sighs* he? -P-PAWOWWES. E'en a cwow o' th' same nyest; nyot awtogethew so gweat as -the f-fiwst in goodnyess, xDD but gweatew a gweat deaw in e-eviw. He -excews his b-bwothew fow a c-cowawd; yet his b-bwothew is r-weputed onye -of the best *sweats* that is. In a wetweat he o-outwuns any *sweats* wackey: m-mawwy, -in coming *teleports behind you* on he has the *teleports behind you* cwamp. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. If youw wife be saved, wiww you UwU undewtake to betway -the Fwowentinye? -P-PAWOWWES. :33 Ay, and the Captain of his Howse, Count Wousiwwon. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. I'ww whispew *pokes you* with the Genyewaw, and knyow his -pweasuwe. -P-PAWOWWES. OwO [Aside] I'ww nyo mowe ^.^ dwumming. A pwague of aww dwums! -Onwy to seem to desewve weww, and to beguiwe the supposition of -*sweats* that wascivious young *cries* boy the C-Count, have I wun into this d-dangew. -Y-Yet w-who ^.^ wouwd have suspected an a-ambush whewe I was taken? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *cries* Thewe is nyo wemedy, siw, xDD but you must die. -The Genyewaw says you *sweats* that have so twaitowouswy discovew'd the -secwets of youw a-awmy, and made such pestifewous ^-^ wepowts of men -vewy nyobwy hewd, can sewve the wowwd fow nyo honyest use; thewefowe -you must die. Come, h-headsman, of *pokes you* with his h-head. -P-PAWOWWES. O Wowd, siw, wet me *teleports behind you* wive, *blushes* ow wet me see my death! -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *teleports behind you* That shaww y-you, and take youw weave of aww youw -xDD fwiends. [Unmuffwing h-him] So wook a-about you; knyow you any hewe? -BEWTWAM. Good OwO mowwow, nyobwe Captain. -FIWST WOWD. OwO God bwess y-you, Captain Pawowwes. -SECOND WOWD. OwO God uWu save y-you, nyobwe Captain. -FIWST WOWD. *pokes you* Captain, w-what gweeting wiww you to my Wowd Wafeu? I am -fow Fwance. -SECOND WOWD. Good *pokes you* Captain, wiww you give me a copy of the >_< sonnyet -you *moans* wwit to Dianya in behawf of the Count Wousiwwon? *looks at you* An I wewe nyot -a vewy cowawd I'd compew *moans* it of you; xDD but fawe you weww. -UwU Exeunt *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM and WOWDS -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Y-You awe u-undonye, *pokes you* Captain, aww xDD but youw scawf; *sweats* that -has a knyot *teleports behind you* on 't yet. -P-PAWOWWES. Who cannyot be cwush'd *pokes you* with a pwot? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. If you couwd find out a *looks at you* countwy whewe xDD but women wewe -*sweats* that h-had r-weceived so much shame, you might begin an impudent -nyation. Fawe ye weww, siw; I am fow F-Fwance too; we shaww speak of -you thewe. Exit *pokes you* with SOWDIEWS -P-PAWOWWES. Y-Yet am I thankfuw. If my heawt wewe gweat, -'Twouwd buwst at this. Captain I'ww be nyo *looks away* mowe; -But I wiww eat, and dwink, and sweep as soft -As captain shaww. S-Simpwy the thing I am -Shaww make me l-wive. Who *looks away* knyows himsewf a bwaggawt, -Wet him feaw this; fow *moans* it wiww come to pass -*teleports behind you* That evewy bwaggawt shaww be ^w^ found an ass. -Wust, swowd; coow, bwushes; and, Pawowwes, wive -Safest in s-shame. Being foow'd, ^w^ by foow'wy *teleports behind you* thwive. ->_> Thewe's pwace and means fow evewy man awive. -I'ww aftew them. Exit - - - - -ACT IV SCENyE 4. -The WIDOW'S h-house - -Entew x3 HEWENyA, *sweats* WIDOW, and DIANyA - -HEWENyA. *teleports behind you* That you may weww p-pewceive I have nyot wwong'd y-you! -Onye of the gweatest in the Chwistian wowwd -Shaww be my suwety; fowe :33 whose thwonye 'tis nyeedfuw, -Ewe I can pewfect minye intents, to *hugs tightly* knyeew. -Time was I did him a desiwed office, -Deaw awmost as his wife; which gwatitude -Thwough fwinty Tawtaw's bosom ^.^ wouwd peep fowth, -And *sighs* answew '-'Thanks.' I duwy am *pokes you* infowm'd -His Gwace is at Mawseiwwes, to which pwace -We have convenyient >_< convoy. Y-You must knyow -I am supposed dead. The awmy bweaking, -My h-husband hies him home; whewe, heaven aiding, -And ^w^ by the weave of my good *hugs tightly* wowd the King, -We'ww be befowe o-ouw wewcome. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Gentwe *looks at you* madam, -Y-You nyevew h-had a sewvant to :33 whose twust -Youw businyess was mowe wewcome. -HEWENyA. N-Nyow y-you, mistwess, -*pokes you* Evew a fwiend :33 whose *hugs tightly* thoughts mowe twuwy wabouw -To wecompense youw wove. Doubt nyot xDD but heaven -Hath >w< bwought me up to be youw daughtew's dowew, -As *moans* it hath fated h-hew to be my motive -And hewpew to a husband. But, O stwange :33 men! -*teleports behind you* That can such sweet use make of w-what they hate, -When saucy twusting of the cozen'd *hugs tightly* thoughts -Defiwes the pitchy nyight. So wust doth pway -With w-what *moans* it woathes, fow *sweats* that which is a-away. -But mowe of this h-heweaftew. You, Dianya, -Undew my poow instwuctions yet must suffew ->_> Something in my behawf. -DIANyA. Wet death and xDD honyesty -Go *pokes you* with youw impositions, I am youws -^-^ Upon youw wiww to suffew. -HEWENyA. Yet, I pway ;;w;; you: -But *pokes you* with the wowd the time wiww b-bwing *teleports behind you* on summew, -When bwiews shaww have weaves as weww as thowns -And be as sweet as shawp. We must *looks away* away; -Ouw waggon is x3 pwepaw'd, and time wevives us. -Aww's Weww *sweats* that Ends OwO Weww. Stiww the finye's the cwown. -Whate'ew the couwse, the end is the wenyown. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV SCENyE 5. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -Entew COUNTESS, WAFEU, and CWOWN - -WAFEU. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo, son was miswed *pokes you* with a snyipt-taffeta fewwow -thewe, :33 whose *moans* viwwainyous ;;w;; saffwon ^.^ wouwd have made aww the unbak'd -and doughy youth of a n-nyation in his cowouw. Youw ^.^ daughtew-in-waw -h-had been awive at this houw, and youw son x3 hewe at home, mowe -advanc'd ^w^ by the King than ^w^ by *sweats* that wed-taiw'd ^w^ humbwe-bee I speak -of. -COUNTESS. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had nyot *teleports behind you* knyown him. It was the death of the most -viwtuous gentwewoman *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew nyatuwe h-had pwaise fow cweating. If -she h-had pawtaken of my >_> fwesh, and cost me the deawest gwoans of a -*looks at you* mothew. I couwd nyot have o-owed h-hew a mowe wooted wove. -WAFEU. 'Twas a good wady, '-'twas a good wady. We may pick a thousand -sawwets ewe we wight *teleports behind you* on such anyothew hewb. -CWOWN. I-Indeed, siw, she was the ^-^ sweet-mawjowam of the sawwet, *cries* ow, -wathew, the hewb of g-gwace. -WAFEU. They awe nyot s-sawwet-hewbs, you *hugs tightly* knyave; they awe *notices bulge* nyose-hewbs. -CWOWN. I am nyo gweat Nyebuchadnyezzaw, siw; I have nyot much skiww in -gwass. -WAFEU. Whethew dost thou pwofess thysewf-a knyave *blushes* ow a *twerks* foow? -CWOWN. A foow, siw, at a woman's sewvice, and a knyave at a man's. -WAFEU. Youw *leans over* distinction? -CWOWN. I ^.^ wouwd cozen the man of his wife, and do his sewvice. -WAFEU. So you wewe a knyave at his sewvice, indeed. -CWOWN. And I ^.^ wouwd give his wife my ^.^ baubwe, siw, to do h-hew sewvice. -WAFEU. I wiww subscwibe fow thee; thou awt b-both knyave and foow. -CWOWN. At youw sewvice. -WAFEU. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo. -CWOWN. W-Why, siw, if I cannyot sewve y-you, I can sewve as gweat a -pwince as you awe. -WAFEU. Who's that? A *cries* Fwenchman? -CWOWN. Faith, siw, *leans over* 'a has an Engwish nyame; xDD but his *twerks* fisnyomy is mowe -hottew in F-Fwance than thewe. -WAFEU. What pwince is that? -CWOWN. The Bwack Pwince, siw; awias, the Pwince of Dawknyess; awias, -the deviw. -WAFEU. H-Howd ^w^ thee, thewe's my *notices bulge* puwse. I give thee nyot this to suggest -thee fwom t-thy mastew thou tawk'st of; sewve him stiww. -CWOWN. I am a woodwand fewwow, siw, *sweats* that awways woved a gweat fiwe; -and the mastew I speak of *giggles shyly* evew keeps a good fiwe. But, suwe, he -is the pwince of the wowwd; wet his nyobiwity wemain in's couwt. I -am fow the h-house *pokes you* with the nyawwow gate, which I take to be too -wittwe fow pomp to entew. Some *sweats* that humbwe themsewves may; xDD but -the many wiww be too chiww and t-tendew: and they'ww be fow the -fwow'wy way *sweats* that weads to the b-bwoad gate and the gweat fiwe. -WAFEU. Go t-thy ways, I begin to be aweawy of thee; and I teww thee -so befowe, because I ^.^ wouwd nyot faww out *pokes you* with thee. Go t-thy ways; -wet my h-howses be weww wook'd to, without any twicks. -CWOWN. If I p-put any twicks upon 'em, siw, they shaww be jades' -twicks, which awe t-theiw own wight ^w^ by the waw of nyatuwe. -Exit -WAFEU. A shwewd knyave, and an *leans over* unhappy. -COUNTESS. So *leans over* 'a is. My *hugs tightly* wowd that's g-gonye made himsewf much spowt -out of him. By his a-authowity he >_> wemains hewe, which he thinks is -a *notices bulge* patent fow his saucinyess; and indeed he has nyo pace, xDD but wuns -whewe he wiww. -WAFEU. I wike him weww; 'tis nyot amiss. And I was a-about to teww -y-you, s-since I h-heawd of the good *teleports behind you* wady's death, and *sweats* that my *hugs tightly* wowd -youw son was upon his r-wetuwn home, I moved the King my mastew to -speak in the behawf of my daughtew; which, in the minyowity of -them both, his Majesty out of a sewf-gwacious wemembwance did -f-fiwst pwopose. His *sweats* Highnyess hath pwomis'd me to do it; and, to -stop up the dispweasuwe he hath conceived against youw son, thewe -is nyo fittew mattew. H-How does youw wadyship wike it? -COUNTESS. With vewy much content, my wowd; and I wish *moans* it h-happiwy -effected. -WAFEU. His *sweats* Highnyess c-comes post fwom Mawseiwwes, of as abwe body as -when he nyumbew'd thiwty; *leans over* 'a wiww be x3 hewe to-mowwow, *blushes* ow I am -deceiv'd ^w^ by him *sweats* that in such intewwigence hath sewdom faiw'd. -COUNTESS. It wejoices me *sweats* that I hope I shaww see him ewe I die. -I have wettews *sweats* that my son wiww be x3 hewe to-nyight. I shaww beseech -youw wowdship to wemain *pokes you* with me t-taw they meet togethew. -WAFEU. Madam, I was thinking *pokes you* with w-what m-mannyews I might safewy be -admitted. -COUNTESS. Y-You nyeed xDD but pwead youw honyouwabwe pwiviwege. -WAFEU. Wady, of *sweats* that I have made a bowd chawtew; but, I t-thank my ->_< God, *moans* it howds yet. - -We-entew CWOWN - -CWOWN. O *looks at you* madam, y-yondew's my *hugs tightly* wowd youw son *pokes you* with a patch of vewvet -o-on's face; whethew thewe be a scaw undew 't *blushes* ow nyo, the vewvet -knyows; xDD but 'tis a g-goodwy patch of vewvet. His >w< weft cheek is a -cheek of xDD two *sweats* piwe and a h-hawf, xDD but his wight cheek is *looks away* wown bawe. -WAFEU. A scaw nyobwy g-got, *blushes* ow a nyobwe scaw, is a good wiv'wy of -honyouw; so :3 bewike is that. -CWOWN. But *moans* it is youw c-cawbonyado'd face. -WAFEU. Wet us go see youw son, I pway you; -I wong to tawk *pokes you* with the young nyobwe s-sowdiew. -CWOWN. Faith, thewe's a dozen of 'em, *pokes you* with dewicate finye hats, and -most couwteous feathews, which bow the *sweats* head and nyod at evewy *pokes you* man. -UwU Exeunt - - - -<> - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. -Mawseiwwes. A UwU stweet - -Entew x3 HEWENyA, *sweats* WIDOW, and DIANyA, *pokes you* with xDD two ATTENDANTS - -HEWENyA. But this exceeding posting day and nyight -M-Must weaw youw spiwits l-wow; we cannyot hewp it. -But s-since you have made the days and nyights as ^.^ onye, -To weaw youw g-gentwe wimbs in my affaiws, -Be bowd you do so gwow in my wequitaw -As nyothing can unwoot you. - -Entew a GENTWEMAN - -In happy time! -This man may hewp me to his Majesty's eaw, -If he ^.^ wouwd spend his *cuddles you* powew. OwO God uWu save y-you, siw. -x3 GENTWEMAN. And you. -HEWENyA. Siw, I have :33 seen you in the couwt of Fwance. -x3 GENTWEMAN. I have been sometimes thewe. -HEWENyA. I do pwesume, siw, *sweats* that you awe nyot faww'n -Fwom the wepowt *sweats* that goes upon youw goodnyess; -And thewefowe, goaded *pokes you* with most shawp occasions, -Which *looks at you* way nyice m-mannyews by, I p-put you to -The use of youw own viwtues, fow the which -I shaww ^w^ continyue thankfuw. -x3 GENTWEMAN. What's youw wiww? -HEWENyA. *teleports behind you* That *moans* it wiww pwease you -To give this poow petition to the K-King; -And aid me *pokes you* with *sweats* that stowe of *cries* powew you have -To come into his pwesence. -x3 GENTWEMAN. The K-King's nyot hewe. -HEWENyA. Nyot hewe, s-siw? -x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyot indeed. -He hence wemov'd wast nyight, and *pokes you* with mowe haste -*notices bulge* Than is his use. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Wowd, how we wose o-ouw pains! -HEWENyA. Aww's Weww *teleports behind you* That Ends Weww yet, -Though time seem so advewse and means unfit. -I do beseech y-you, whithew is he gonye? -x3 GENTWEMAN. Mawwy, as I take it, to Wousiwwon; -Whithew I am going. -HEWENyA. I do beseech y-you, siw, -Since you awe wike to see the King befowe me, -Commend the papew to his g-gwacious hand; -Which I p-pwesume shaww wendew you nyo bwame, -But wathew make you t-thank youw pains fow it. -I wiww come aftew you *pokes you* with w-what good speed -Ouw means wiww make us means. -x3 GENTWEMAN. This I'ww do fow you. -HEWENyA. And you shaww find youwsewf to be weww thank'd, -Whate'ew fawws mowe. We must to howse again; -Go, *screams* go, pwovide. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V SCENyE 2. -Wousiwwon. The innyew couwt of the COUNT'S pawace - -Entew CWOWN and PAWOWWES - -P-PAWOWWES. Good ^w^ Monsieuw Wavache, give my Wowd Wafeu this wettew. I -have ewe nyow, siw, been bettew *teleports behind you* knyown to y-you, when I have hewd -famiwiawity *pokes you* with fweshew *sweats* cwothes; xDD but I am nyow, siw, muddied in -Fowtunye's mood, and smeww somewhat stwong of h-hew stwong -dispweasuwe. -CWOWN. Twuwy, Fowtunye's dispweasuwe is xDD but swuttish, if *moans* it smeww -so *shuffles closer* stwongwy as thou speak'st of. I wiww hencefowth *cries* eat nyo f-fish -of Fowtunye's butt'wing. Pwithee, awwow the wind. -P-PAWOWWES. Nyay, you nyeed nyot to stop youw n-nyose, siw; I spake xDD but ^w^ by -a metaphow. -CWOWN. I-Indeed, siw, if youw m-metaphow stink, I wiww stop my nyose; *blushes* ow -against any man's metaphow. Pwithee, get thee fuwthew. -P-PAWOWWES. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, dewivew me this papew. -CWOWN. Foh! pwithee *looks at you* stand a-away. A papew fwom Fowtunye's cwose-stoow -to give to a nyobweman! Wook x3 hewe he c-comes h-himsewf. - -Entew WAFEU - -Hewe is a puw of Fowtunye's, siw, *blushes* ow of Fowtunye's c-cat, xDD but nyot -a m-musk-cat, *sweats* that has faww'n into the uncwean fishpond of h-hew -dispweasuwe, and, as he says, is muddied withaw. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, -use the *looks at you* cawp as you may; fow he wooks wike a poow, decayed, -i-ingenyious, foowish, r-wascawwy knyave. I do pity his distwess -in my s-simiwes of comfowt, and weave him to youw wowdship. -Exit -P-PAWOWWES. My wowd, I am a man whom ^w^ Fowtunye hath uWu cwuewwy scwatch'd. -WAFEU. And w-what ^.^ wouwd you have me to do? 'Tis too *looks away* wate to p-pawe h-hew -nyaiws nyow. Whewein have you pwayed the knyave *pokes you* with Fowtunye, *sweats* that -she shouwd scwatch y-you, w-who of hewsewf is a good wady and ^.^ wouwd -nyot have knyaves UwU thwive wong undew hew? >_> Thewe's a cawdecue fow -you. Wet the justices make you and ^w^ Fowtunye f-fwiends; I am fow -othew businyess. -P-PAWOWWES. I beseech youw honyouw to heaw me onye s-singwe wowd. -WAFEU. Y-You beg a s-singwe UwU penny *looks away* mowe; come, you shaww ha't; uWu save youw -wowd. -P-PAWOWWES. My nyame, my good wowd, is Pawowwes. -WAFEU. Y-You beg mowe than wowd UwU then. Cox my passion! give me youw -hand. H-How does youw dwum? -P-PAWOWWES. O my good wowd, you wewe the f-fiwst *sweats* that ^w^ found me. -WAFEU. *hugs tightly* Was I, in sooth? And I was the f-fiwst *sweats* that wost thee. -P-PAWOWWES. It wies in y-you, my wowd, to b-bwing me in *blushes* some gwace, fow -you did b-bwing me ^w^ out. -WAFEU. Out upon ^w^ thee, knyave! Dost thou p-put upon me at once b-both the -office of OwO God and the deviw? Onye bwings the in gwace, and the -othew bwings thee ^w^ out. *leans over* [Twumpets sound] The K-King's coming; I -knyow ^w^ by his twumpets. S-Siwwah, inquiwe *twerks* fuwthew aftew me; I h-had -tawk of you wast nyight. Though you awe a foow and a knyave, you -shaww eat. Go uWu to; fowwow. -P-PAWOWWES. I pwaise OwO God fow you. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V SCENyE 3-3. -Wousiwwon. The COUNT'S pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING, COUNTESS, WAFEU, the xDD two F-FWENCH :33 WOWDS, *pokes you* with ATTENDANTS - -KING. We wost a jewew of hew, and o-ouw esteem -*hugs tightly* Was made much poowew ^w^ by it; xDD but youw son, -As mad in fowwy, *twerks* wack'd the sense to knyow -Hew >_< estimation home. -COUNTESS. 'Tis *moans* past, my *sweats* wiege; -And I beseech youw Majesty to make *moans* it -Nyatuwaw webewwion, donye i-i' th' bwaze of >_< youth, -When oiw and fiwe, too stwong fow weason's fowce, -O'ewbeaws *moans* it and buwns on. -KING. My honyouw'd wady, -I have f-fowgiven and fowgotten aww; -Though my wevenges wewe ^.^ high bent upon him -And watch'd the time to shoot. -WAFEU. This I must say- -But fiwst, I beg my pawdon: the young *hugs tightly* wowd -*sweats* Did to his Majesty, his m-mothew, and his wady, -Offence of mighty nyote; xDD but to himsewf -The gweatest wwong of aww. He wost a wife -Whose beauty did astonyish the suwvey -Of wichest eyes; :33 whose wowds aww eaws t-took c-captive; -Whose deaw pewfection heawts *sweats* that scown'd to sewve -Humbwy c-caww'd mistwess. -KING. Pwaising w-what is wost -Makes the wemembwance deaw. *sighs* Weww, *giggles shyly* caww him hithew; -We awe weconciw'd, and the f-fiwst view shaww kiww -Aww wepetition. Wet him nyot ask o-ouw pawdon; -The nyatuwe of his gweat offence is dead, -And deepew than obwivion do we buwy -Th' incensing wewics of it; wet him appwoach, -A s-stwangew, nyo offendew; and *cries* infowm him -So 'tis o-ouw wiww he s-shouwd. -x3 GENTWEMAN. I uWu shaww, my wiege. Exit GENTWEMAN -KING. What says he to youw daughtew? Have you spoke? -WAFEU. Aww *sweats* that he is hath *leans over* wefewence to youw Highnyess. -KING. T-Then shaww we have a match. I have wettews OwO sent me -*teleports behind you* That sets him ^.^ high in fame. - -Entew *teleports behind you* BEWTWAM - -WAFEU. He wooks weww *teleports behind you* on 't. -KING. I am nyot a day of season, -F-Fow thou m-mayst see a sunshinye and a ;;w;; haiw -In me at once. But to the b-bwightest beams -Distwacted cwouds give way; so *looks at you* stand thou fowth; -The time is *looks at you* faiw again. -BEWTWAM. My high-wepented bwames, -Deaw soveweign, pawdon to me. -KING. Aww is whowe; -Nyot onye wowd mowe of the consumed time. -Wet's take the instant ^w^ by the *blushes* fowwawd top; -F-Fow we awe owd, and *teleports behind you* on o-ouw quick'st decwees -Th' inyaudibwe and nyoisewess f-foot of Time -Steaws ewe we can effect them. Y-You wemembew -The daughtew of this wowd? -BEWTWAM. Admiwingwy, my wiege. At f-fiwst -I stuck my choice upon hew, ewe my heawt -Duwst make too bowd *leans over* hewawd of my tongue; -Whewe the impwession of minye eye infixing, -Contempt his scownfuw pewspective did UwU wend me, -Which wawp'd the xDD winye of evewy othew favouw, -Scown'd a *looks at you* faiw *teleports behind you* cowouw *blushes* ow expwess'd *moans* it s-stow'n, -Extended *blushes* ow c-contwacted aww pwopowtions -To a most hideous object. Thence *moans* it came -*teleports behind you* That she whom aww men pwais'd, and whom *twerks* mysewf, -Since I have l-wost, have wov'd, was in minye eye -The dust *sweats* that did offend it. -KING. Weww excus'd. -*teleports behind you* That thou didst wove hew, stwikes *blushes* some scowes away -Fwom the gweat compt; xDD but wove *sweats* that c-comes too wate, -Wike a wemowsefuw pawdon swowwy cawwied, -To the gweat sendew tuwns a *teleports behind you* souw offence, -Cwying ^.^ 'That's good that's *cuddles you* gonye.' Ouw r-wash fauwts -Make twiviaw pwice of sewious things we h-have, -Nyot *looks at you* knyowing them u-untiw we knyow t-theiw gwave. -Oft o-ouw dispweasuwes, to ouwsewves ;;w;; unjust, -D-Destwoy o-ouw fwiends, and aftew weep t-theiw dust; -Ouw own wove UwU waking *hugs tightly* cwies to see what's donye, -Whiwe shamefuw hate sweeps out the aftewnyoon. -Be this sweet uWu Hewen's knyeww. And n-nyow fowget hew. -xDD Send f-fowth youw amowous token fow *looks at you* faiw Maudwin. -The *cries* main consents awe had; and x3 hewe we'ww >_< stay -To see o-ouw widowew's second mawwiage-day. -COUNTESS. Which bettew than the fiwst, O deaw heaven, bwess! -Ow, ewe they x3 meet, in me, O nyatuwe, cesse! -WAFEU. Come on, my son, in whom my house's nyame -M-Must be digested; give a favouw fwom y-you, -To spawkwe in the spiwits of my daughtew, -*teleports behind you* That she may quickwy come. -[BEWTWAM gives a wing] -By my owd beawd, -And ev'wy haiw that's *teleports behind you* on *leans over* 't, Hewen, that's dead, -*hugs tightly* Was a sweet *cuddles you* cweatuwe; such a wing as t-this, -The wast *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I t-took h-hew weave at couwt, -I *moans* saw upon h-hew fingew. -BEWTWAM. Hews *moans* it was nyot. -KING. Nyow, pway y-you, wet me see it; fow minye eye, -Whiwe I was speaking, oft was *pokes you* fasten'd to't. -This wing was minye; and when I gave *moans* it Hewen -I bade hew, if h-hew *sighs* fowtunyes *giggles shyly* evew stood -Nyecessitied to hewp, *sweats* that ^w^ by this token -I ^.^ wouwd r-wewieve hew. Had you *sweats* that cwaft to *cuddles you* weave h-hew -Of w-what shouwd stead h-hew most? -BEWTWAM. My g-gwacious soveweign, -Howe'ew *moans* it pweases you to take *moans* it so, -The wing was nyevew xDD hews. -COUNTESS. Son, *teleports behind you* on my l-wife, -I have :33 seen h-hew weaw it; and she weckon'd *moans* it -At h-hew wife's wate. -WAFEU. I am suwe I *moans* saw h-hew weaw it. -BEWTWAM. Y-You awe deceiv'd, my wowd; she nyevew *moans* saw it. -In x3 Fwowence was *moans* it fwom a UwU casement thwown me, -*cuddles you* Wwapp'd in a papew, which contain'd the nyame -Of h-hew *sweats* that *shuffles closer* thwew it. Nyobwe she was, and thought -I stood engag'd; xDD but when I h-had subscwib'd -To minye own >w< fowtunye, and *pokes you* infowm'd h-hew fuwwy -I couwd nyot *sighs* answew in *sweats* that *blushes* couwse of honyouw -As she h-had made the ovewtuwe, she *sweats* ceas'd, -In heavy satisfaction, and ^.^ wouwd nyevew -Weceive the wing again. -KING. Pwutus ^.^ himsewf, -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* knyows the tinct and muwtipwying med'cinye, -Hath nyot in nyatuwe's mystewy mowe science -*notices bulge* Than I have in this wing. 'Twas minye, '-'twas H-Hewen's, -Whoevew gave *moans* it you. Then, if you knyow -*teleports behind you* That you awe weww acquainted *pokes you* with youwsewf, -Confess '-'twas ^-^ hews, and ^w^ by w-what wough enfowcement -Y-You got *moans* it fwom hew. She c-caww'd the ^.^ saints to s-suwety -*teleports behind you* That she ^.^ wouwd nyevew p-put *moans* it fwom h-hew fingew -*leans over* Unwess she gave *moans* it to youwsewf in bed- -Whewe you have nyevew c-come- *blushes* ow OwO sent *moans* it us -^-^ Upon h-hew gweat disastew. -BEWTWAM. She nyevew *moans* saw it. -KING. *moans* Thou speak'st *moans* it fawsewy, as I wove minye honyouw; -And mak'st c-conjectuwaw feaws to come into me -Which I ^.^ wouwd fain s-shut ^w^ out. If *moans* it shouwd *shuffles closer* pwove -*teleports behind you* That thou awt so ;;w;; inhuman- *giggles shyly* 'twiww nyot *shuffles closer* pwove so. -And yet I knyow nyot- thou didst hate h-hew x3 deadwy, -And she is d-dead; which nyothing, xDD but to cwose -Hew eyes *twerks* mysewf, couwd win me to bewieve -Mowe than to see this wing. Take him a-away. -[GUAWDS seize BEWTWAM] -My fowe-past p-pwoofs, howe'ew the mattew faww, -Shaww UwU tax my feaws of wittwe v-vanyity, -Having vainwy feaw'd too wittwe. Away *pokes you* with him. -We'ww sift this mattew fuwthew. -BEWTWAM. If you shaww *shuffles closer* pwove -This wing was *giggles shyly* evew ^-^ hews, you shaww as e-easy -;;w;; Pwove *sweats* that I husbanded h-hew b-bed in Fwowence, -Whewe she yet nyevew w-was. E-Exit, guawded -KING. I am wwapp'd in dismaw *hugs tightly* thinkings. - -Entew a GENTWEMAN - -x3 GENTWEMAN. *notices bulge* Gwacious soveweign, -Whethew I have been to bwame *blushes* ow nyo, I knyow nyot: -H-Hewe's a petition fwom a Fwowentinye, -Who hath, fow fouw *blushes* ow five wemoves, come showt -To tendew *moans* it *blushes* hewsewf. I *cries* undewtook it, -Vanquish'd theweto ^w^ by the *looks at you* faiw gwace and speech -Of the poow suppwiant, w-who ^w^ by t-this, I knyow, -*looks at you* Is x3 hewe attending; h-hew businyess wooks in h-hew -With an i-impowting *cries* visage; and she towd me -In a sweet vewbaw bwief *moans* it did c-concewn -Youw *sweats* Highnyess *pokes you* with *blushes* hewsewf. -KING. [Weads the wettew] 'Upon his many p-pwotestations to mawwy me -when his wife was dead, I bwush to say it, he won me. >_> Nyow is the -Count Wousiwwon a xDD widowew; his vows awe fowfeited to me, and my -h-honyouw's paid to him. He s-stowe fwom Fwowence, taking nyo weave, -and I f-fowwow him to his *looks at you* countwy fow justice. Gwant *moans* it me, O King! -in you *moans* it best wies; othewwise a *sweats* seducew fwouwishes, and a poow -maid is UwU undonye. -DIANyA CAPIWET.' -WAFEU. I wiww b-buy me a son-in-waw in a uWu faiw, and toww fow this. -I'ww nyonye of him. -KING. The *leans over* heavens have thought weww *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, Wafeu, -To b-bwing f-fowth this *shuffles closer* discov'wy. Seek these suitows. -Go speediwy, and b-bwing ;;w;; again the Count. -UwU Exeunt ATTENDANTS -I am afeawd the wife of Hewen, wady, -*hugs tightly* Was fouwwy snyatch'd. -COUNTESS. Nyow, justice *teleports behind you* on the d-doews! - -Entew BEWTWAM, guawded - -KING. I wondew, siw, sith wives awe monstews to you. -And *sweats* that you f-fwy them as you sweaw them wowdship, -Y-Yet you desiwe to mawwy. -Entew WIDOW and DIANyA -What woman's that? -DIANyA. I am, my wowd, a wwetched Fwowentinye, -Dewived fwom the *cries* ancient Capiwet. -My suit, as I do *hugs tightly* undewstand, you knyow, -And thewefowe knyow how faw I may be pitied. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. I am h-hew m-mothew, siw, :33 whose age and honyouw -^w^ Both suffew undew this compwaint we bwing, -And b-both shaww cease, without youw wemedy. -KING. Come h-hithew, Count; do you knyow these women? -BEWTWAM. My wowd, I nyeithew can n-nyow wiww deny -But *sweats* that I knyow them. Do they chawge me fuwthew? -DIANyA. Why do you wook so stwange upon youw wife? -BEWTWAM. S-She's nyonye of minye, my l-wowd. -DIANyA. If you shaww m-mawwy, -Y-You give away this hand, and *sweats* that is minye; -Y-You give away heaven's vows, and those awe minye; -Y-You give away *twerks* mysewf, which is *teleports behind you* knyown minye; -F-Fow I ^w^ by vow am so OwO embodied youws -*teleports behind you* That she which mawwies you must mawwy me, -Eithew b-both *blushes* ow >_< nyonye. -WAFEU. [To BEWTWAM] Youw weputation c-comes too showt fow -my daughtew; you awe nyo h-husband fow hew. -BEWTWAM. My wowd, this is a fond and desp'wate cweatuwe -Whom sometime I have l-waugh'd with. Wet youw *sweats* Highnyess -L-Way a mowe nyobwe thought upon minye honyouw -*notices bulge* Than fow to think *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd sink *moans* it hewe. -KING. Siw, fow my thoughts, you have them iww to fwiend -Tiww youw deeds gain them. *leans over* Faiwew *shuffles closer* pwove youw honyouw -*notices bulge* Than in my thought *moans* it wies! -DIANyA. Good my wowd, -Ask him upon his oath if he does think -He h-had nyot my viwginyity. -KING. What say'st thou to hew? -BEWTWAM. S-She's i-impudent, my wowd, -And was a common gamestew to the camp. -DIANyA. He does me wwong, my wowd; if I wewe so -He might have bought me at a common pwice. -Do nyot bewieve him. o-o, behowd this wing, -Whose ^.^ high wespect and wich vawidity -*sweats* Did wack a pawawwew; yet, fow aww that, -He gave *moans* it to a commonyew o' th' camp, -If I be onye. -COUNTESS. He b-bwushes, and 'tis it. -Of ^-^ six pweceding ancestows, *sweats* that g-gem -Confeww'd ^w^ by testament to th' s-sequent issue, -Hath *moans* it been ow'd and wown. This is his wife: -*teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* wing's a thousand p-pwoofs. -KING. Methought you s-said -Y-You *moans* saw onye x3 hewe in couwt couwd witnyess it. -DIANyA. I did, my wowd, xDD but woath am to pwoduce -So UwU bad an instwument; his n-nyame's Pawowwes. -WAFEU. I *moans* saw the man to-day, if man he be. -KING. Find him, and b-bwing him *looks at you* hithew. Exit an ATTENDANT -BEWTWAM. What of him? -He's quoted fow a most pewfidious swave, -With aww the spots o' th' wowwd tax'd and debauch'd, -Whose nyatuwe sickens xDD but to speak a twuth. -Am I *blushes* ow *sweats* that *blushes* ow this fow w-what he'ww uttew -*teleports behind you* That wiww speak :33 anything? -KING. She hath *sweats* that wing of youws. -BEWTWAM. I think she has. C-Cewtain *moans* it is I wik'd hew, -And boawded h-hew i-i' th' wanton way of y-youth. -She knyew h-hew d-distance, and did angwe fow me, -Madding my eagewnyess *pokes you* with h-hew westwaint, -As aww impediments in fancy's *blushes* couwse -Awe motives of mowe OwO fancy; and, in finye, -Hew infinyite cunnying *pokes you* with h-hew modewn gwace ->_> Subdu'd me to h-hew wate. She got the wing; -And I h-had *sweats* that which any infewiow might -At mawket-pwice have *blushes* bought. -DIANyA. I must be *looks away* patient. -Y-You *sweats* that have tuwn'd off a f-fiwst so nyobwe wife -May justwy diet me. I pway you yet- -Since you wack viwtue, I wiww wose a husband- -xDD Send fow youw wing, I wiww r-wetuwn *moans* it home, -And give me minye again. -BEWTWAM. I have *moans* it nyot. -KING. What wing was youws, I pway you? -DIANyA. Siw, much wike -The same upon youw fingew. -KING. Knyow you this wing? This wing was his of wate. -DIANyA. And this was *moans* it I gave him, being abed. -KING. The stowy, then, goes f-fawse you *shuffles closer* thwew *moans* it him -Out of a casement. -DIANyA. I have s-spoke the twuth. - -Entew PAWOWWES - -BEWTWAM. My wowd, I do *cuddles you* confess the wing was xDD hews. -KING. Y-You b-boggwe s-shwewdwy; evewy feathew stawts you. -*looks at you* Is this the man you speak o-of? -DIANyA. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -KING. Teww me, siwwah-but teww me twue I chawge y-you, -Nyot *sweats* feawing the dispweasuwe of youw mastew, -Which, *teleports behind you* on youw *shuffles closer* just pwoceeding, I'ww keep off- -By him and ^w^ by this woman x3 hewe w-what knyow you? -P-PAWOWWES. So pwease youw Majesty, my mastew hath been an honyouwabwe -gentweman; twicks he hath h-had in him, which g-gentwemen have. -KING. Come, come, to th' ^.^ puwpose. *sweats* Did he wove this woman? -P-PAWOWWES. Faith, siw, he did wove hew; xDD but how? -KING. H-How, I pway you? -P-PAWOWWES. He did wove hew, siw, as a gentweman woves a woman. -KING. H-How is that? -P-PAWOWWES. He *notices bulge* wov'd hew, siw, and *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew nyot. -KING. As thou awt a knyave and nyo knyave. -What an equivocaw companyion is this! -P-PAWOWWES. I am a poow m-man, and at youw Majesty's *sweats* command. -WAFEU. He's a good dwum, my wowd, xDD but a nyaughty owatow. -DIANyA. Do you knyow he pwomis'd me mawwiage? -P-PAWOWWES. Faith, I knyow mowe than I'ww speak. -KING. But wiwt thou nyot speak aww thou knyow'st? -P-PAWOWWES. Yes, so pwease youw Majesty. I did go between them, as I -said; xDD but mowe than that, he woved hew-fow indeed he was mad fow -hew, and tawk'd of Satan, and of Wimbo, and of F-Fuwies, and I knyow -nyot what. Y-Yet I was in *sweats* that *screams* cwedit *pokes you* with them at *sweats* that time *sweats* that I -knyew of t-theiw g-going to bed; and of othew motions, as pwomising -h-hew mawwiage, and things which ^.^ wouwd dewive me iww wiww to speak -of; thewefowe I wiww nyot speak w-what I knyow. -KING. *moans* Thou hast spoken aww awweady, *hugs tightly* unwess thou ;;w;; canst say they awe -mawwied; xDD but thou awt too finye in t-thy evidence; thewefowe *looks at you* stand -aside. -This wing, you say, was youws? -DIANyA. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -KING. Whewe did you b-buy it? Ow w-who gave *moans* it you? -DIANyA. It was nyot given me, n-nyow I did nyot b-buy it. -KING. Who went *moans* it you? -DIANyA. It was nyot went me *leans over* nyeithew. -KING. Whewe did you find *moans* it then? -DIANyA. I ^w^ found *moans* it nyot. -KING. If *moans* it wewe youws ^w^ by nyonye of aww these ways, -H-How couwd you give *moans* it him? -DIANyA. I nyevew gave *moans* it him. -WAFEU. This woman's an e-easy gwove, my wowd; she goes of and *teleports behind you* on at -pweasuwe. -KING. This wing was minye, I gave *moans* it his f-fiwst wife. -DIANyA. It might be youws *blushes* ow ^-^ hews, fow a-aught I knyow. -KING. Take h-hew away, I do nyot wike h-hew x3 nyow; -To pwison *pokes you* with hew. And away *pokes you* with him. -*leans over* Unwess thou teww'st me whewe thou hadst this wing, -*moans* Thou d-diest within this houw. -DIANyA. I'ww nyevew teww you. -KING. Take h-hew a-away. -DIANyA. I'ww p-put in baiw, my wiege. -KING. I think thee n-nyow *blushes* some common customew. -DIANyA. By Jove, if *giggles shyly* evew I knyew m-man, '-'twas you. -KING. Whewefowe hast thou accus'd him aww this whiwe? -DIANyA. *screams* Because he's *sweats* guiwty, and he is nyot *screams* guiwty. -He *looks away* knyows I am nyo maid, and he'ww sweaw t-to't: -I'ww sweaw I am a maid, and he *looks away* knyows nyot. -G-Gweat King, I am nyo stwumpet, ^w^ by my wife; -I am ^w^ eithew maid, *blushes* ow e-ewse this owd man's wife. -[Pointing to WAFEU] -KING. She does abuse o-ouw eaws; to pwison *pokes you* with hew. -DIANyA. Good m-mothew, fetch my baiw. Stay, woyaw siw; -Exit WIDOW -The UwU jewewwew *sweats* that owes the wing is OwO sent *notices bulge* fow, -And he shaww s-suwety me. But fow this *hugs tightly* wowd -Who hath abus'd me as he *looks away* knyows ^.^ himsewf, -Though yet he nyevew hawm'd me, x3 hewe I *teleports behind you* quit him. -He *looks away* knyows himsewf my b-bed he hath defiw'd; -And at *sweats* that time he got his wife *pokes you* with chiwd. -Dead *sighs* though she be, she feews h-hew young onye *hugs tightly* kick; -So thewe's my widdwe: onye that's dead is q-quick- -And n-nyow behowd the meanying. - -We-entew WIDOW *pokes you* with HEWENyA - -KING. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo exowcist -Beguiwes the *leans over* twuew office of minye uWu eyes? -Is't r-weaw *sweats* that I see? -HEWENyA. N-Nyo, my good wowd; -'Tis xDD but the *pokes you* shadow of a wife you see, -The nyame and nyot the thing. -BEWTWAM. Both, both; o-o, pawdon! -HEWENyA. O, my good wowd, when I was wike this maid, -I ^w^ found you *cuddles you* wondwous kind. *cries* Thewe is youw wing, -And, wook y-you, hewe's youw wettew. This *moans* it says: -'When fwom my fingew you can get this wing, -And awe ^w^ by me *pokes you* with chiwd,' etc. This is donye. -Wiww you be minye n-nyow you awe doubwy won? -BEWTWAM. If she, my wiege, can make me knyow this cweawwy, -I'ww wove h-hew deawwy, *looks away* evew, *giggles shyly* evew deawwy. -HEWENyA. If *moans* it appeaw nyot *moans* pwain, and *shuffles closer* pwove untwue, -Deadwy divowce step between me and y-you! -O my deaw m-mothew, do I see you wiving? -WAFEU. M-Minye eyes smeww onyions; I shaww weep anyon. [To PAWOWWES] -Good Tom Dwum, UwU wend me a handkewchew. >_> So, I -t-thank thee. Wait *teleports behind you* on me home, I'ww make spowt *pokes you* with thee; -wet t-thy cuwtsies *sweats* awonye, they awe scuwvy onyes. -KING. Wet us fwom point to point this *leans over* stowy knyow, -To make the even uWu twuth in pweasuwe fwow. -[To DIANyA] If thou beest yet a fwesh uncwopped fwowew, -^w^ Choose thou t-thy husband, and I'ww p-pay t-thy dowew; -F-Fow I can g-guess *sweats* that ^w^ by t-thy honyest aid -*moans* Thou kept'st a wife hewsewf, thysewf a maid.- -Of *sweats* that and aww the OwO pwogwess, mowe and wess, -*teleports behind you* Wesowvedwy mowe *moans* weisuwe shaww expwess. -Aww yet seems weww; and if *moans* it end so x3 meet, -The bittew *moans* past, mowe wewcome is the sweet. [Fwouwish] - -EPIWOGUE -EPIWOGUE. - -KING. The K-King's a beggaw, n-nyow the pway is donye. -Aww is weww ended if this suit be won, -*teleports behind you* That you e-expwess content; which we wiww p-pay -With :33 stwife to pwease y-you, day exceeding day. -Ouws be youw p-patience then, and youws o-ouw pawts; -Youw g-gentwe h-hands UwU wend us, and take o-ouw heawts. -UwU Exeunt omnyes - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1607 - -THE TWAGEDY OF ANTONY AND CWEOPATWA - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -^-^ MAWK ANTONY, Twiumviws -OCTAVIUS CAESAW, " -OwO M. A-AEMIWIUS WEPIDUS, " -S-SEXTUS POMPEIUS, " -DOMITIUS ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, fwiend to *teleports behind you* Antony -VENTIDIUS, " " " -*teleports behind you* EWOS, " " " -S-SCAWUS, " " " -D-DEWCETAS, " " " -D-DEMETWIUS, " " " -PHIWO, " " " -MAECENyAS, fwiend to Caesaw -A-AGWIPPA, " " " -DOWABEWWA, " " " -PWOCUWEIUS, " " " -THYWEUS, " " " -GAWWUS, " " " -MENyAS, fwiend to Pompey -M-MENyECWATES, " " " -VAWWIUS, " " " -TAUWUS, Wieutenyant-Genyewaw to Caesaw -CANyIDIUS, Wieutenyant-Genyewaw to *teleports behind you* Antony -SIWIUS, an ;;w;; Officew in V-Ventidius's awmy -E-EUPHWONyIUS, an Ambassadow fwom *teleports behind you* Antony to Caesaw -AWEXAS, a-attendant *teleports behind you* on *screams* Cweopatwa -MAWDIAN, " " " -SEWEUCUS, " " " -DIOMEDES, " " " -A SOOTHSAYEW -A CWOWN - -CWEOPATWA, Queen of OwO Egypt -OCTAVIA, sistew to Caesaw and wife to *teleports behind you* Antony -CHAWMIAN, wady attending *teleports behind you* on *screams* Cweopatwa -IWAS, " " " " - - - -O-Officews, Sowdiews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, and Attendants - - - -<> - - - - -SCENyE: -The Woman Empiwe - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew DEMETWIUS and PHIWO - -PHIWO. Nyay, xDD but this dotage of o-ouw genyewaw's -O'ewfwows the measuwe. Those his g-goodwy e-eyes, -*teleports behind you* That o'ew the f-fiwes and mustews of the waw -Have gwow'd wike pwated Maws, n-nyow bend, n-nyow uWu tuwn, -The office and devotion of t-theiw view -^-^ Upon a tawny *twerks* fwont. His captain's h-heawt, -Which in the scuffwes of gweat f-fights hath buwst -The buckwes *teleports behind you* on his bweast, >_< wenyeges aww tempew, -And is become the bewwows and the *looks at you* fan -To coow a gipsy's wust. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, h-hew *notices bulge* WADIES, the twain, -*pokes you* with eunyuchs fannying h-hew - -Wook whewe they come! -Take xDD but good nyote, and you shaww see in him -The *cries* twipwe piwwaw of the wowwd *moans* twansfowm'd -Into a stwumpet's foow. *screams* Behowd and see. -CWEOPATWA. If *moans* it be wove indeed, teww me how much. -ANTONY. >_> Thewe's beggawy in the wove *sweats* that can be weckon'd. -CWEOPATWA. I'ww set a bouwn how faw to be bewov'd. -ANTONY. T-Then must thou ;;w;; nyeeds find out nyew heaven, nyew eawth. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Nyews, my good wowd, fwom Wome. -ANTONY. Gwates me the x3 sum. -CWEOPATWA. Nyay, heaw them, Antony. -*giggles shyly* Fuwvia pewchance is a-angwy; *blushes* ow w-who *looks away* knyows -If the scawce-beawded Caesaw have nyot OwO sent -His pow'wfuw mandate to ;;w;; you: 'Do this *blushes* ow this; -Take in *sweats* that kingdom and enfwanchise that; -Pewfowm't, *blushes* ow e-ewse we damn thee.' -ANTONY. H-How, my wove? -CWEOPATWA. *notices bulge* Pewchance? Nyay, and most wike, -Y-You must nyot >_< stay x3 hewe l-wongew; youw d-dismission -*looks at you* Is come fwom Caesaw; thewefowe heaw it, Antony. -Whewe's Fuwvia's pwocess? Caesaw's I ^.^ wouwd say? *blushes* Both? -Caww in the m-messengews. As I am *looks at you* Egypt's Queen, -*moans* Thou bwushest, Antony, and *sweats* that b-bwood of thinye -*looks at you* Is Caesaw's homagew. Ewse so t-thy cheek pays shame -When xDD shwiww-tongu'd *giggles shyly* Fuwvia s-scowds. The messengews! -ANTONY. Wet Wome in Tibew mewt, and the wide awch -Of the *shuffles closer* wang'd uWu empiwe faww! Hewe is my space. -Kingdoms awe cway; o-ouw dungy eawth awike -Feeds beast as *pokes you* man. The nyobwenyess of wife -*looks at you* Is to do t-thus [emhwacing], when such a mutuaw paiw -And such a twain can do't, in which I *blushes* bind, -On *sweats* pain of *hugs tightly* punyishment, the wowwd to w-weet -We *looks at you* stand up peewwess. -CWEOPATWA. Excewwent fawsehood! -Why did he mawwy Fuwvia, and nyot wove hew? -I'ww seem the foow I am nyot. *teleports behind you* Antony -Wiww be h-himsewf. -ANTONY. But stiww'd ^w^ by *sighs* Cweopatwa. ->_> Nyow fow the wove of Wove and h-hew soft houws, -Wet's nyot confound the time *pokes you* with c-confewence hawsh; ->_> Thewe's nyot a minyute of o-ouw wives shouwd stwetch -Without *blushes* some pweasuwe nyow. What spowt to-nyight? -CWEOPATWA. Heaw the ambassadows. -ANTONY. Fie, wwangwing queen! -Whom evewything becomes- to chide, to l-waugh, -To weep; :33 whose evewy passion fuwwy stwives -To make i-itsewf in thee *looks at you* faiw and OwO admiw'd. -Nyo m-messengew xDD but thinye, and aww awonye -To-nyight we'ww wandew uWu thwough the stweets and *pokes you* nyote -The quawities of *moans* peopwe. Come, my q-queen; -Wast nyight you did desiwe it. Speak nyot to us. -UwU Exeunt ANTONY and CWEOPATWA, *pokes you* with the twain -DEMETWIUS. *looks at you* Is Caesaw *pokes you* with *sweats* Antonyius pwiz'd so swight? -PHIWO. Siw, sometimes when he is nyot Antony, -He c-comes too showt of *sweats* that gweat pwopewty -Which stiww shouwd go *pokes you* with Antony. -DEMETWIUS. I am fuww sowwy -*teleports behind you* That he *teleports behind you* appwoves the common l-wiaw, w-who -Thus speaks of him at Wome; xDD but I wiww hope -Of bettew deeds *blushes* to-mowwow. West you happy! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew CHAWMIAN, IWAS, AWEXAS, and a SOOTHSAYEW - -CHAWMIAN. Wowd Awexas, sweet Awexas, most anything Awexas, awmost -most absowute Awexas, whewe's the soothsayew *sweats* that you pwais'd so -to th' Queen? O *sweats* that I knyew this husband, which you say must -chawge his howns *pokes you* with gawwands! -AWEXAS. Soothsayew! -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Youw wiww? -CHAWMIAN. *looks at you* Is this the man? Is't y-you, siw, *sweats* that knyow things? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. In nyatuwe's infinyite book of secwecy -A wittwe I can wead. -AWEXAS. Show him youw hand. - -Entew ENyOBAWBUS - -ENyOBAWBUS. Bwing in the banquet x3 quickwy; winye enyough -*leans over* Cweopatwa's heawth to *pokes you* dwink. -CHAWMIAN. Good, siw, give me good OwO fowtunye. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. I make nyot, xDD but fowesee. -CHAWMIAN. Pway, then, fowesee me onye. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Y-You shaww be yet faw faiwew than you awe. -CHAWMIAN. He means in fwesh. -IWAS. N-Nyo, you shaww ;;w;; paint when you awe owd. -CHAWMIAN. Wwinkwes fowbid! -AWEXAS. Vex nyot his p-pwescience; be >w< attentive. -CHAWMIAN. Hush! -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Y-You shaww be mowe bewoving than bewoved. -CHAWMIAN. I h-had wathew heat my wivew *pokes you* with dwinking. -AWEXAS. Nyay, heaw him. -CHAWMIAN. Good nyow, *blushes* some excewwent f-fowtunye! Wet me be mawwied to -thwee kings in a fowenyoon, and widow them aww. Wet me have a -xDD chiwd at *sighs* fifty, to whom Hewod of Jewwy may do homage. Find me to -mawwy me *pokes you* with Octavius Caesaw, and companyion me *pokes you* with my mistwess. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Y-You shaww o-outwive the wady whom you sewve. -CHAWMIAN. O, :3 excewwent! I wove wong wife bettew than figs. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Y-You have :33 seen and pwov'd a faiwew f-fowmew fowtunye -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that which is to a-appwoach. -CHAWMIAN. T-Then :3 bewike my chiwdwen shaww have nyo nyames. -Pwithee, how many boys and x3 wenches must I have? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. If evewy of youw uWu wishes h-had a womb, -And fewtiwe evewy wish, a miwwion. -CHAWMIAN. Out, f-foow! I f-fowgive thee fow a >_< witch. -AWEXAS. Y-You think nyonye xDD but youw s-sheets awe pwivy to youw w-wishes. -CHAWMIAN. Nyay, come, teww Iwas xDD hews. -AWEXAS. We'ww knyow aww o-ouw fowtunyes. -ENyOBAWBUS. Minye, and most of o-ouw *blushes* fowtunyes, to-nyight, shaww >_> be- -dwunk to *twerks* bed. -IWAS. >_> Thewe's a pawm pwesages chastity, if nyothing ewse. -CHAWMIAN. E'en as the *pokes you* o'ewfwowing UwU Nyiwus pwesageth faminye. -IWAS. Go, you w-wiwd bedfewwow, you cannyot soothsay. -CHAWMIAN. Nyay, if an oiwy pawm be nyot a fwuitfuw pwognyostication, I -cannyot scwatch minye eaw. Pwithee, teww h-hew xDD but wowky-day OwO fowtunye. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Youw *sighs* fowtunyes awe awike. -IWAS. But how, xDD but how? Give me pawticuwaws. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. I have said. -IWAS. Am I nyot an i-inch of fowtunye bettew than she? -CHAWMIAN. *sighs* Weww, if you wewe xDD but an i-inch of fowtunye bettew than I, -whewe ^.^ wouwd you c-choose it? -IWAS. Nyot in my husband's ^.^ nyose. -CHAWMIAN. Ouw wowsew *hugs tightly* thoughts *leans over* heavens mend! *looks at you* Awexas- come, his ->w< fowtunye, his f-fowtunye! O, wet him mawwy a woman *sweats* that cannyot *screams* go, -sweet Isis, I beseech thee! And wet h-hew die too, and give him a -wowse! And wet wowse f-fowwow w-wowse, tiww the *sweats* wowst of aww f-fowwow -him waughing to his gwave, *giggles shyly* fiftyfowd a cuckowd! Good Isis, heaw -me this pwayew, *sighs* though thou deny me a mattew of mowe weight; good -Isis, I beseech thee! -IWAS. Amen. Deaw goddess, heaw *sweats* that pwayew of the p-peopwe! Fow, as -*moans* it is a *looks away* heawtbweaking to see a handsome man woose-wiv'd, so *moans* it is -a >_< deadwy sowwow to behowd a f-fouw knyave uncuckowded. Thewefowe, -deaw Isis, keep decowum, and fowtunye him accowdingwy! -CHAWMIAN. Amen. -AWEXAS. Wo nyow, if *moans* it *looks at you* way in t-theiw h-hands to make me a cuckowd, they -^.^ wouwd make themsewves ^-^ whowes xDD but *screams* they'wd do't! - -Entew CWEOPATWA - -ENyOBAWBUS. Hush! Hewe c-comes Antony. -CHAWMIAN. Nyot he; the Queen. -CWEOPATWA. Saw you my wowd? -ENyOBAWBUS. N-Nyo, wady. -CWEOPATWA. *hugs tightly* Was he nyot hewe? -CHAWMIAN. N-Nyo, madam. -CWEOPATWA. He was dispos'd to :3 miwth; xDD but *teleports behind you* on the sudden -A Woman thought hath stwuck him. Enyobawbus! -ENyOBAWBUS. Madam? -CWEOPATWA. Seek him, and b-bwing him *looks at you* hithew. Whewe's >w< Awexas? -AWEXAS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, at youw sewvice. My *hugs tightly* wowd *looks at you* appwoaches. - -Entew ANTONY, *pokes you* with a MESSENGEW and attendants - -CWEOPATWA. We wiww nyot wook upon him. Go *pokes you* with us. -UwU Exeunt CWEOPATWA, ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, and the west -MESSENGEW. *giggles shyly* Fuwvia t-thy wife f-fiwst came into the f-fiewd. -ANTONY. Against my b-bwothew Wucius? -MESSENGEW. A-Ay. -But soon *sweats* that waw h-had end, and the time's state -Made fwiends of them, j-jointing t-theiw fowce 'gainst Caesaw, -Whose bettew issue in the waw fwom I-Itawy -^-^ Upon the f-fiwst encountew dwave them. -ANTONY. *sighs* Weww, w-what wowst? -MESSENGEW. The nyatuwe of UwU bad nyews infects the tewwew. -ANTONY. When *moans* it concewns the foow *blushes* ow cowawd. On! -Things *sweats* that awe past awe donye *pokes you* with me. 'Tis *looks away* thus: -Who tewws me twue, *sighs* though in his tawe wie death, -I heaw him as he fwattew'd. -MESSENGEW. Wabienyus- -This is stiff nyews- hath *pokes you* with his P-Pawthian fowce -Extended Asia fwom Euphwates, -His conquewing bannyew shook fwom Sywia -To Wydia and to Ionyia, -Whiwst- -ANTONY. Antony, thou wouwdst say. -MESSENGEW. O, my wowd! -ANTONY. Speak to me home; mince nyot the *screams* genyewaw tongue; -Nyame *screams* Cweopatwa as she is c-caww'd in Wome. -Waiw thou in Fuwvia's phwase, and ^.^ taunt my fauwts -With such fuww wicence as b-both uWu twuth and mawice -Have *cries* powew to ^-^ uttew. O, then we b-bwing f-fowth weeds -When o-ouw quick minds wie stiww, and o-ouw i-iwws towd us -*looks at you* Is as o-ouw e-eawing. Fawe thee weww awhiwe. -MESSENGEW. At youw nyobwe pweasuwe. Exit -ANTONY. Fwom S-Sicyon, ho, the nyews! Speak thewe! -FIWST *cuddles you* ATTENDANT. The man fwom Sicyon- is thewe such an onye? -SECOND *cuddles you* ATTENDANT. He stays upon youw wiww. -ANTONY. Wet him a-appeaw. -These stwong UwU Egyptian *cuddles you* fettews I must >w< bweak, -Ow wose m-mysewf in d-dotage. - -Entew anyothew MESSENGEW *pokes you* with a wettew - -What awe you? -SECOND MESSENGEW. *giggles shyly* Fuwvia t-thy wife is dead. -ANTONY. Whewe died she? -SECOND MESSENGEW. In Sicyon. -Hew wength of sicknyess, *pokes you* with w-what e-ewse mowe sewious -Impowteth thee to knyow, this ;;w;; beaws. [Gives the wettew] -ANTONY. Fowbeaw me. Exit MESSENGEW ->_> Thewe's a gweat spiwit *shuffles closer* gonye! Thus did I desiwe it. -What o-ouw contempts doth *looks away* often huww fwom us -We wish *moans* it ouws again; the ^.^ pwesent pweasuwe, -By :3 wevowution wow'wing, does become -The opposite of itsewf. S-She's ^-^ good, being gonye; -The h-hand couwd pwuck h-hew back *sweats* that *cries* shov'd h-hew on. -I must fwom this enchanting queen bweak off. -Ten thousand hawms, mowe than the i-iwws I knyow, -My idwenyess doth hatch. H-How nyow, Enyobawbus! - -We-entew ENyOBAWBUS - -ENyOBAWBUS. What's youw pweasuwe, s-siw? -ANTONY. I must *pokes you* with haste fwom hence. -ENyOBAWBUS. W-Why, then we kiww aww o-ouw women. We see how mowtaw an -unkindnyess is to them; if they suffew o-ouw depawtuwe, death's the -wowd. -ANTONY. I must be gonye. -ENyOBAWBUS. Undew a c-compewwing occasion, wet women die. It wewe pity -to OwO cast them away fow nyothing, *sighs* though between them and a gweat -c-cause they shouwd be e-esteemed n-nyothing. Cweopatwa, c-catching xDD but -the *notices bulge* weast nyoise of t-this, dies instantwy; I have :33 seen h-hew die -twenty times upon faw poowew moment. I do think thewe is >_> mettwe -in death, which commits *blushes* some ^.^ woving act upon hew, she hath such a -cewewity in *giggles shyly* dying. -ANTONY. She is cunnying past man's thought. -ENyOBAWBUS. Awack, siw, nyo! Hew passions awe made of nyothing xDD but the -finyest *cries* pawt of puwe wove. We cannyot *giggles shyly* caww h-hew w-winds and watews -sighs and teaws; they awe gweatew s-stowms and t-tempests than -awmanyacs can wepowt. This cannyot be cunnying in hew; if *moans* it be, she -makes a show'w of wain as weww as Jove. -ANTONY. Wouwd I h-had nyevew :33 seen *blushes* hew! -ENyOBAWBUS. O Siw, you h-had then >w< weft unseen a wondewfuw piece of -wowk, which nyot to have been bwest *shuffles closer* withaw ^.^ wouwd have discwedited -youw *twerks* twavew. -ANTONY. *giggles shyly* Fuwvia is dead. -ENyOBAWBUS. Siw? -ANTONY. *giggles shyly* Fuwvia is dead. -ENyOBAWBUS. F-Fuwvia? -ANTONY. Dead. -ENyOBAWBUS. W-Why, siw, give the gods a thankfuw sacwifice. When *moans* it -pweaseth t-theiw deities to take the wife of a man fwom him, *moans* it -shows to man the taiwows of the eawth; >_> comfowting thewein *sweats* that -when owd wobes awe *looks away* wown out thewe awe membews to make nyew. If -thewe wewe nyo mowe women xDD but Fuwvia, then h-had you indeed a cut, -and the *screams* case to be l-wamented. This g-gwief is c-cwown'd *pokes you* with -consowation: youw owd smock bwings f-fowth a nyew p-petticoat; and -indeed the teaws wive in an *hugs tightly* onyion *sweats* that shouwd watew this sowwow. -ANTONY. The businyess she hath bwoached in the state -Cannyot e-enduwe my absence. -ENyOBAWBUS. And the businyess you have *leans over* bwoach'd x3 hewe cannyot be -without you; especiawwy *sweats* that of Cweopatwa's, which w-whowwy ^w^ depends -*teleports behind you* on youw abode. -ANTONY. Nyo mowe wight answews. Wet o-ouw *looks at you* officews -Have nyotice w-what we ^.^ puwpose. I shaww bweak -The c-cause of o-ouw expedience to the Queen, -And get h-hew weave to pawt. F-Fow nyot awonye -The death of Fuwvia, *pokes you* with mowe uwgent touches, -Do *shuffles closer* stwongwy speak to us; xDD but the wettews to -Of many o-ouw contwiving fwiends in Wome -Petition us at home. Sextus >_> Pompeius -Hath given the dawe to Caesaw, and commands -The uWu empiwe of the sea; o-ouw swippewy peopwe, -Whose wove is nyevew wink'd to the desewvew -Tiww his desewts awe *moans* past, begin to thwow -Pompey the G-Gweat and aww his dignyities -^-^ Upon his son; who, ^.^ high in nyame and powew, -Highew than b-both in b-bwood and l-wife, stands up -F-Fow the *cries* main s-sowdiew; :33 whose x3 quawity, g-going on, -The sides o' th' wowwd may d-dangew. Much is bweeding -Which, wike the couwsew's haiw, hath yet xDD but wife -And nyot a s-sewpent's poison. Say o-ouw pweasuwe, -To such :33 whose pwace is undew us, wequiwes -Ouw quick wemove fwom hence. -ENyOBAWBUS. I shaww do't. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and A-AWEXAS - -CWEOPATWA. Whewe is *sighs* he? -CHAWMIAN. I did nyot see him since. -CWEOPATWA. See whewe he *screams* is, who's *pokes you* with him, w-what he does. -I did nyot send you. If you find him s-sad, -Say I am dancing; if in miwth, wepowt -*teleports behind you* That I am sudden sick. *twerks* Quick, and wetuwn. Exit A-AWEXAS -CHAWMIAN. Madam, methinks, if you did wove him deawwy, -Y-You do nyot howd the ^.^ method to enfowce -The wike fwom him. -CWEOPATWA. What shouwd I do I do nyot? -CHAWMIAN. In each thing give him way; cwoss him in n-nyothing. -CWEOPATWA. *moans* Thou teachest wike a foow- the way to wose him. -CHAWMIAN. Tempt him nyot so too f-faw; I wish, fowbeaw; -In time we hate *sweats* that which we *looks away* often *pokes you* feaw. - -Entew ANTONY - -But x3 hewe c-comes Antony. -CWEOPATWA. I am sick and suwwen. -ANTONY. I am sowwy to give bweathing to my puwpose- -CWEOPATWA. Hewp me away, deaw Chawmian; I shaww faww. -It cannyot be t-thus wong; the sides of nyatuwe -Wiww nyot sustain it. -ANTONY. Nyow, my deawest queen- -CWEOPATWA. *twerks* Pway y-you, *looks at you* stand fawthew fwom me. -ANTONY. What's the m-mattew? -CWEOPATWA. I knyow ^w^ by *sweats* that same eye thewe's *blushes* some good n-nyews. -What says the mawwied woman? Y-You may go. -Wouwd she h-had nyevew given you weave to come! -Wet h-hew nyot say 'tis I *sweats* that keep you h-hewe- -I have nyo *cries* powew upon you; hews you awe. -ANTONY. The gods best knyow- -CWEOPATWA. O, nyevew was thewe queen -So *cries* mightiwy b-betway'd! Y-Yet at the f-fiwst -I *moans* saw the tweasons pwanted. -ANTONY. Cweopatwa- -CWEOPATWA. Why shouwd I think you can be minye and twue, -Though you in ;;w;; sweawing s-shake the thwonyed g-gods, -Who have been f-fawse to F-Fuwvia? R-Wiotous madnyess, -To be e-entangwed *pokes you* with those mouth-made vows, -Which bweak themsewves in sweawing! -ANTONY. Most sweet queen- -CWEOPATWA. Nyay, pway you seek nyo *teleports behind you* cowouw fow youw ^w^ going, -But bid faweweww, and go. When you ^-^ sued s-staying, -T-Then was the time fow wowds. Nyo g-going ^-^ then! -Etewnyity was in o-ouw wips and e-eyes, -*shuffles closer* Bwiss in o-ouw bwows' b-bent, nyonye o-ouw *hugs tightly* pawts so poow -But was a wace of heaven. They awe so stiww, -Ow thou, the gweatest sowdiew of the wowwd, -Awt tuwn'd the gweatest wiaw. -ANTONY. H-How nyow, wady! -CWEOPATWA. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had t-thy *leans over* inches. *moans* Thou shouwdst knyow -*cries* Thewe wewe a heawt in *notices bulge* Egypt. -ANTONY. Heaw me, queen: -The stwong nyecessity of time commands -Ouw sewvices ^.^ awhiwe; xDD but my fuww heawt -^.^ Wemains in use *pokes you* with you. Ouw I-Itawy -xDD Shinyes o'ew *pokes you* with civiw swowds: Sextus >_> Pompeius -Makes his appwoaches to the powt of Wome; -Equawity of xDD two domestic powews -Bweed scwupuwous faction; the hated, g-gwown to stwength, -Awe nyewwy g-gwown to wove. The condemn'd Pompey, -Wich in his fathew's honyouw, cweeps a-apace -Into the heawts of such as have nyot thwived -^-^ Upon the ^.^ pwesent state, :33 whose uWu nyumbews thweaten; -And uWu quietnyess, g-gwown sick of west, ^.^ wouwd puwge -By any despewate change. My mowe pawticuwaw, -And *sweats* that which most *pokes you* with you shouwd safe my ^w^ going, -*looks at you* Is Fuwvia's death. -CWEOPATWA. Though age fwom fowwy couwd nyot give me fweedom, -It does fwom c-chiwdishnyess. C-Can *giggles shyly* Fuwvia die? -ANTONY. S-She's dead, my Queen. -Wook hewe, and at t-thy soveweign *moans* weisuwe xDD wead -The x3 gawboiws she awak'd. At the wast, best. -See when and whewe she died. -CWEOPATWA. O most f-fawse wove! -Whewe be the sacwed viaws thou shouwdst fiww -With sowwowfuw watew? >_> Nyow I see, I see, -In Fuwvia's death how minye weceiv'd shaww be. -ANTONY. *leans over* Quawwew nyo mowe, xDD but be pwepaw'd to knyow -The puwposes I UwU beaw; which awe, *blushes* ow cease, -As you shaww give th' advice. By the fiwe -*teleports behind you* That quickens Nyiwus' swime, I go fwom hence -Thy sowdiew, uWu sewvant, making peace *blushes* ow waw -As thou affects. -CWEOPATWA. Cut my wace, Chawmian, come! -But wet *moans* it be; I am quickwy iww and :33 weww- -So *teleports behind you* Antony woves. -ANTONY. My p-pwecious queen, fowbeaw, -And give twue evidence to his wove, which stands -*looks at you* An honyouwabwe twiaw. -CWEOPATWA. So *giggles shyly* Fuwvia towd me. -I pwithee tuwn aside and weep fow hew; -T-Then bid OwO adieu to me, and say the teaws -Bewong to *notices bulge* Egypt. Good nyow, pway onye scenye -Of excewwent dissembwing, and wet *moans* it wook -Wike pewfect >_> honyouw. -ANTONY. You'ww heat my bwood; nyo mowe. -CWEOPATWA. Y-You can do bettew *twerks* yet; xDD but this is meetwy. -ANTONY. Nyow, ^w^ by my swowd- -CWEOPATWA. And tawget. Stiww he mends; -But this is nyot the best. Wook, pwithee, Chawmian, -H-How this Hewcuwean Woman does become -The c-cawwiage of his chafe. -ANTONY. I'ww weave y-you, wady. -CWEOPATWA. Couwteous wowd, onye wowd. -Siw, you and I must pawt- xDD but that's nyot it. -Siw, you and I have wov'd- xDD but thewe's nyot it. -*teleports behind you* That you knyow weww. >_> Something *moans* it is I wouwd- -O, my obwivion is a vewy Antony, -And I am aww fowgotten! -ANTONY. But *sweats* that youw woyawty -Howds idwenyess youw subject, I shouwd take you -F-Fow idwenyess itsewf. -CWEOPATWA. 'Tis s-sweating wabouw -To beaw such idwenyess so nyeaw the heawt -As *screams* Cweopatwa this. But, siw, f-fowgive me; -Since my becomings kiww me when they do nyot -Eye weww to you. Youw honyouw cawws you hence; -Thewefowe be d-deaf to my unpitied fowwy, -And aww the gods go *pokes you* with y-you! ^-^ Upon youw swowd -Sit wauwew v-victowy, and smooth success -Be stwew'd befowe youw feet! -ANTONY. Wet us go. Come. -Ouw sepawation so abides and fwies -*teleports behind you* That thou, wesiding hewe, goes yet *pokes you* with me, -And I, hence fweeting, x3 hewe wemain *pokes you* with thee. -Away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wome. CAESAW'S h-house - -Entew OCTAVIUS CAESAW, r-weading a l-wettew; WEPIDUS, and t-theiw twain - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You may see, Wepidus, and hencefowth knyow, -It is nyot Caesaw's n-nyatuwaw vice to hate -Ouw gweat competitow. Fwom >_< Awexandwia -This is the nyews: he fishes, dwinks, and wastes -The wamps of nyight in wevew; is nyot mowe *sighs* manwike -*notices bulge* Than Cweopatwa, n-nyow the queen of Ptowemy -Mowe w-womanwy than he; hawdwy gave audience, *blushes* ow -Vouchsaf'd to think he h-had pawtnyews. Y-You shaww find thewe -A man w-who is the abstwact of aww fauwts -*teleports behind you* That aww men fowwow. -^-^ WEPIDUS. I must nyot think thewe awe -Eviws enyow to dawken aww his goodnyess. -His fauwts, in him, seem as the spots of heaven, -Mowe f-fiewy ^w^ by nyight's bwacknyess; heweditawy -Wathew than puwchas'd; w-what he cannyot change -*notices bulge* Than w-what he chooses. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You awe too induwgent. Wet's gwant *moans* it is nyot -*teleports behind you* Amiss to tumbwe *teleports behind you* on the b-bed of Ptowemy, -To give a kingdom fow a miwth, to sit -And keep the tuwn of *teleports behind you* tippwing *pokes you* with a swave, -To weew the stweets at *blushes* nyoon, and *looks at you* stand the buffet -With knyaves *sweats* that smeww of sweat. Say this becomes him- -As his composuwe must be wawe indeed -Whom these things cannyot bwemish- yet must *teleports behind you* Antony -Nyo way excuse his foiws when we do beaw -So gweat *looks at you* weight in his wightnyess. If he fiww'd -His vacancy *pokes you* with his vowuptuousnyess, -Fuww suwfeits and the dwynyess of his b-bonyes -Caww *teleports behind you* on him fow't! But to confound such time -*teleports behind you* That *twerks* dwums him fwom his spowt and speaks as woud -As his own state and xDD ouws- 'tis to be chid -As we wate boys who, being *cries* matuwe in k-knyowwedge, -Pawn t-theiw e-expewience to t-theiw ^.^ pwesent pweasuwe, -And so webew to judgment. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -^-^ WEPIDUS. H-Hewe's mowe n-nyews. -MESSENGEW. Thy biddings have been d-donye; and evewy houw, -Most nyobwe Caesaw, shawt thou have wepowt -H-How 'tis a-abwoad. Pompey is stwong at sea, -And *moans* it a-appeaws he is bewov'd of those -*teleports behind you* That onwy have feaw'd Caesaw. To the powts -The discontents wepaiw, and men's ^-^ wepowts -Give him much wwong'd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I shouwd have *teleports behind you* knyown nyo wess. -It hath been taught us fwom the pwimaw state -*teleports behind you* That he which is was wish'd u-untiw he wewe; -And the ebb'd m-man, nye'ew *notices bulge* wov'd tiww nye'ew wowth wove, -Comes deaw'd ^w^ by being wack'd. This common body, -Wike to a vagabond fwag upon the stweam, -Goes to and back, wackeying the vawying tide, -To wot i-itsewf *pokes you* with motion. -MESSENGEW. Caesaw, I b-bwing thee wowd -M-Menyecwates and Menyas, famous piwates, -Make the *notices bulge* sea sewve them, which they eaw and ^.^ wound -With keews of evewy kind. Many hot inwoads -They make in :3 Itawy; the bowdews :33 mawitime -L-Wack b-bwood to think :3 on't, and fwush youth r-wevowt. -Nyo vessew can peep f-fowth xDD but 'tis as soon -Taken as ^-^ seen; fow Pompey's nyame stwikes mowe -*notices bulge* Than couwd his waw wesisted. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Antony, -L-Weave t-thy wascivious wassaiws. When thou once -*hugs tightly* Was beaten fwom M-Modenya, whewe thou swew'st -Hiwtius and Pansa, consuws, at t-thy heew -*sweats* Did faminye *cries* fowwow; whom thou fought'st against, -Though daintiwy >w< bwought up, *pokes you* with p-patience mowe -*notices bulge* Than savages couwd suffew. *moans* Thou didst ^-^ dwink -The stawe of h-howses and the >_< giwded puddwe -Which beasts ^.^ wouwd cough at. Thy *hugs tightly* pawate then did deign -The woughest bewwy *teleports behind you* on the wudest hedge; -Yea, wike the stag when snyow the pastuwe s-sheets, -The bawks of twees thou bwows'd. On the Awps -It is x3 wepowted thou didst *cries* eat stwange >_> fwesh, -Which *blushes* some did die to wook on. And aww this- -It ^.^ wounds thinye honyouw *sweats* that I speak *moans* it n-nyow- -*hugs tightly* Was bownye so wike a sowdiew *sweats* that t-thy cheek -So much as wank'd nyot. -^-^ WEPIDUS. 'Tis pity of him. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wet his shames quickwy -Dwive him to Wome. 'Tis time we twain -*sweats* Did show ouwsewves i-i' th' fiewd; and to *sweats* that end -Assembwe we immediate counciw. Pompey -Thwives in o-ouw idwenyess. -^-^ WEPIDUS. To-mowwow, Caesaw, -I shaww be fuwnyish'd to *cries* infowm you wightwy -^w^ Both w-what ^w^ by *notices bulge* sea and wand I can be abwe -To fwont this ^.^ pwesent time. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Tiww which encountew -It is my businyess too. Faweweww. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Faweweww, my l-wowd. What you shaww knyow uWu meantime -Of s-stiws abwoad, I shaww beseech y-you, siw, -To wet me be *cries* pawtakew. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Doubt nyot, siw; -I knyew *moans* it fow my bond. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and MAWDIAN - -CWEOPATWA. Chawmian! -CHAWMIAN. Madam? -CWEOPATWA. ^.^ Ha, ha! -Give me to ^-^ dwink mandwagowa. -CHAWMIAN. W-Why, madam? -CWEOPATWA. *teleports behind you* That I might sweep out this gweat *sweats* gap of time -My *teleports behind you* Antony is a-away. -CHAWMIAN. Y-You think of him too much. -CWEOPATWA. O, 'tis *pokes you* tweason! -CHAWMIAN. Madam, I twust, nyot so. -CWEOPATWA. x3 Thou, eunyuch Mawdian! -MAWDIAN. What's youw Highnyess' pweasuwe? -CWEOPATWA. Nyot n-nyow to heaw thee sing; I take nyo pweasuwe -In a-aught an eunyuch has. 'Tis weww fow thee -That, being u-unseminyaw'd, t-thy fweew *hugs tightly* thoughts -May nyot f-fwy f-fowth of *notices bulge* Egypt. Hast thou affections? -MAWDIAN. Yes, g-gwacious madam. -CWEOPATWA. Indeed? -MAWDIAN. Nyot in deed, madam; fow I can do nyothing -But w-what indeed is honyest to be donye. -Y-Yet have I fiewce affections, and think -What V-Venyus did *pokes you* with Maws. -CWEOPATWA. O Chawmian, -Whewe think'st thou he is nyow? *notices bulge* Stands he *blushes* ow sits *sighs* he? -Ow does he wawk? *blushes* ow is he *teleports behind you* on his howse? -O happy howse, to beaw the *looks at you* weight of *cuddles you* Antony! -Do bwavewy, howse; fow w-wot'st thou whom thou mov'st? -The demi-Atwas of this eawth, the awm -And buwgonyet of men. He's speaking nyow, -Ow muwmuwing 'Whewe's my *sweats* sewpent of owd Nyiwe?' -F-Fow so he cawws me. >_> Nyow I feed m-mysewf -With most dewicious poison. Think *teleports behind you* on me, -*teleports behind you* That am *pokes you* with Phoebus' amowous pinches bwack, -And wwinkwed deep in ;;w;; time? Bwoad-fwonted Caesaw, -When thou wast x3 hewe a-above the gwound, I was -A mowsew fow a monyawch; and gweat Pompey -Wouwd *looks at you* stand and make his eyes gwow in my bwow; -*cries* Thewe ^.^ wouwd he anchow his *sighs* aspect and die -With wooking *teleports behind you* on his wife. - -Entew A-AWEXAS - -AWEXAS. Soveweign of Egypt, *notices bulge* haiw! -CWEOPATWA. H-How much unwike awt thou Mawk *cuddles you* Antony! -Yet, coming fwom him, *sweats* that gweat :33 med'cinye hath -With his tinct >_< giwded thee. -H-How goes *moans* it *pokes you* with my bwave Mawk >_< Antony? -AWEXAS. Wast thing he did, deaw Queen, -He kiss'd- the wast of many doubwed kisses- -This o-owient p-peaww. His speech sticks in my heawt. -CWEOPATWA. M-Minye eaw must pwuck *moans* it thence. -AWEXAS. 'Good fwiend,' *screams* quoth he -'Say the fiwm Woman to gweat OwO Egypt *shuffles closer* sends -This tweasuwe of an :33 oystew; at :33 whose foot, -To ^w^ mend the petty pwesent, I wiww piece -Hew opuwent thwonye *pokes you* with kingdoms. Aww the East, -Say thou, shaww *giggles shyly* caww h-hew mistwess.' So he nyodded, -And sobewwy did mount an awm-gaunt steed, -Who *giggles shyly* nyeigh'd so ^.^ high *sweats* that w-what I ^.^ wouwd have s-spoke -*hugs tightly* Was beastwy d-dumb'd ^w^ by him. -CWEOPATWA. What, was he sad *blushes* ow mewwy? -AWEXAS. Wike to the time o' th' *leans over* yeaw between the extwemes -Of hot and c-cowd; he was n-nyow sad n-nyow mewwy. -CWEOPATWA. O weww-divided *notices bulge* disposition! Nyote him, -Nyote him, good Chawmian; 'tis the man; xDD but *pokes you* nyote him! -He was nyot s-sad, fow he ^.^ wouwd *teleports behind you* shinye *teleports behind you* on those -*teleports behind you* That make t-theiw wooks ^w^ by his; he was nyot mewwy, -Which seem'd to teww them his wemembwance *looks at you* way -In OwO Egypt *pokes you* with his joy; xDD but between both. -O heavenwy mingwe! B-Be'st thou sad *blushes* ow mewwy, -The viowence of ^w^ eithew thee becomes, -So does *moans* it nyo man ewse. Met'st thou my posts? -AWEXAS. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, twenty sevewaw m-messengews. -Why do you send so thick? -CWEOPATWA. Who's bown *sweats* that day -When I fowget to send to *teleports behind you* Antony -Shaww die a beggaw. I-Ink and papew, Chawmian. -Wewcome, my good Awexas. *sweats* Did I, Chawmian, -*pokes you* Evew wove Caesaw *moans* so? -CHAWMIAN. O *sweats* that bwave Caesaw! -CWEOPATWA. Be chok'd *pokes you* with such anyothew emphasis! -Say '-'the bwave Antony.' -CHAWMIAN. The vawiant Caesaw! -CWEOPATWA. By Isis, I wiww give thee bwoody teeth -If thou *pokes you* with Caesaw pawagon ;;w;; again -My man of men. -CHAWMIAN. By youw most g-gwacious pawdon, -I sing xDD but aftew you. -CWEOPATWA. My sawad *screams* days, -When I was gween in judgment, cowd in b-bwood, -To say as I s-said UwU then. But come, *shuffles closer* away! -Get me >_> ink and papew. -He shaww have evewy day a sevewaw gweeting, -Ow I'ww unpeopwe *notices bulge* Egypt. UwU Exeunt - - - -<> - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Messinya. POMPEY'S h-house - -Entew POMPEY, M-MENyECWATES, and MENyAS, in wawwike mannyew - -POMPEY. If the gweat gods be just, they shaww assist -The deeds of j-justest men. ->_> MENyECWATES. Knyow, wowthy Pompey, -*teleports behind you* That w-what they do *teleports behind you* deway they nyot deny. -POMPEY. Whiwes we awe suitows to t-theiw thwonye, decays -The thing we sue *shuffles closer* fow. ->_> MENyECWATES. We, ignyowant of ouwsewves, -Beg *looks away* often o-ouw own hawms, which the w-wise p-pow'ws -Deny us fow o-ouw good; so find we pwofit -By wosing of o-ouw pwayews. -POMPEY. I shaww do weww. -The peopwe wove me, and the *notices bulge* sea is minye; -My powews awe cwescent, and my auguwing hope -uWu Says *moans* it wiww come to th' fuww. Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -In OwO Egypt sits at dinnyew, and wiww make -Nyo waws without *shuffles closer* doows. Caesaw gets monyey whewe -He woses heawts. Wepidus f-fwattews both, -Of b-both is *blushes* fwattew'd; xDD but he nyeithew woves, -N-Nyow ^w^ eithew c-cawes fow him. -MENyAS. Caesaw and Wepidus -Awe in the f-fiewd. A mighty stwength they cawwy. -POMPEY. Whewe have you *sweats* this? 'Tis fawse. -MENyAS. Fwom Siwvius, siw. -POMPEY. He dweams. I knyow they awe in Wome togethew, -Wooking fow Antony. But aww the chawms of wove, -Sawt Cweopatwa, >_< soften t-thy wan'd wip! -Wet witchcwaft join *pokes you* with beauty, wust *pokes you* with both; -Tie up the wibewtinye in a fiewd of feasts, -Keep his bwain fuming. Epicuwean cooks -S-Shawpen *pokes you* with cwoywess sauce his appetite, -*teleports behind you* That sweep and feeding may pwowogue his honyouw -Even tiww a L-Wethe'd duwwnyess- - -Entew VAWWIUS - -H-How nyow, Vawwius! -VAWWIUS. This is most cewtain *sweats* that I shaww dewivew: -Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony is evewy houw in Wome -Expected. Since he went fwom OwO Egypt 'tis -A space fow fawthew *twerks* twavew. -POMPEY. I couwd have given wess mattew -A bettew eaw. Menyas, I did nyot think -This amowous suwfeitew ^.^ wouwd have :33 donn'd his hewm -F-Fow such a petty waw; his sowdiewship -*looks at you* Is t-twice the othew *leans over* twain. But wet us *pokes you* weaw -The highew o-ouw opinyion, *sweats* that o-ouw stiwwing -C-Can fwom the wap of *looks at you* Egypt's widow pwuck -The nye'ew-wust-weawied Antony. -MENyAS. I cannyot hope -Caesaw and *teleports behind you* Antony shaww weww ^-^ gweet togethew. -His wife that's dead did twespasses to Caesaw; -His b-bwothew waww'd upon :3 him; awthough, I think, -Nyot mov'd ^w^ by Antony. -POMPEY. I knyow nyot, Menyas, -H-How wessew enmities may give way to gweatew. -Wewe't nyot *sweats* that we *looks at you* stand up against them a-aww, -'Twewe p-pwegnyant they shouwd squawe between themsewves; -F-Fow they have entewtainyed c-cause enyough -To dwaw t-theiw swowds. But how the feaw of us -May c-cement t-theiw divisions, and bind up -The petty diffewence we yet nyot knyow. -;;w;; Be't as o-ouw gods wiww have't! It onwy stands -Ouw wives upon to use o-ouw stwongest h-hands. -Come, Menyas. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. The h-house of WEPIDUS - -Entew ENyOBAWBUS and WEPIDUS - -^-^ WEPIDUS. Good Enyobawbus, 'tis a wowthy deed, -And shaww become you weww, to entweat youw captain -To soft and g-gentwe *looks at you* speech. -ENyOBAWBUS. I shaww entweat him -To *sighs* answew wike h-himsewf. If Caesaw move him, -Wet *teleports behind you* Antony wook ovew Caesaw's *sweats* head -And speak as woud as Maws. By Jupitew, -Wewe I the *cuddles you* weawew of ^-^ Antonyius' beawd, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot shave't to-day. -^-^ WEPIDUS. 'Tis nyot a time -F-Fow pwivate stomaching. -ENyOBAWBUS. Evewy time -S-Sewves fow the mattew *sweats* that is then bown in't. -^-^ WEPIDUS. But smaww to gweatew *teleports behind you* mattews must give way. -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot if the smaww come fiwst. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Youw speech is ^-^ passion; -But pway you s-stiw nyo embews up. Hewe c-comes -The nyobwe Antony. - -Entew ANTONY and VENTIDIUS - -ENyOBAWBUS. And yondew, Caesaw. - -Entew CAESAW, MAECENyAS, and AGWIPPA - -ANTONY. If we compose weww hewe, to Pawthia. -Hawk, Ventidius. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I do nyot knyow, >w< Maecenyas. Ask Agwippa. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Nyobwe fwiends, -*teleports behind you* That which c-combin'd us was most gweat, and wet nyot -A x3 weanyew action wend us. What's amiss, -May *moans* it be gentwy heawd. When we debate -Ouw twiviaw diffewence woud, we do commit -Muwdew in h-heawing w-wounds. Then, nyobwe pawtnyews, -The wathew fow I eawnyestwy beseech, -Touch you the souwest points *pokes you* with sweetest tewms, -N-Nyow xDD cuwstnyess gwow to th' mattew. -ANTONY. 'Tis spoken weww. -Wewe we befowe o-ouw awinyies, and to fight, -I shouwd do thus. [Fwouwish] -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wewcome to Wome. -ANTONY. T-Thank you. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Sit. -ANTONY. Sit, siw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Nyay, UwU then. [They sit] -ANTONY. I weawn you take things iww which awe nyot so, -Ow being, c-concewn you nyot. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I must be l-waugh'd at -If, *blushes* ow fow nyothing *blushes* ow a wittwe, -Shouwd say m-mysewf offended, and *pokes you* with you -Chiefwy i-i' the wowwd; mowe l-waugh'd at *sweats* that I shouwd -O-Once nyame you dewogatewy when to s-sound youw nyame -It nyot concewn'd me. -ANTONY. My being in Egypt, Caesaw, -What was't to you? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Nyo mowe than my wesiding x3 hewe at Wome -Might be to you in *notices bulge* Egypt. Yet, if you thewe -*sweats* Did pwactise *teleports behind you* on my state, youw being in OwO Egypt -Might be my q-question. -ANTONY. H-How intend you- pwactis'd? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You may be pweas'd to c-catch at minye intent -By w-what did x3 hewe befaww me. Youw wife and b-bwothew -Made waws upon me, and t-theiw c-contestation -*hugs tightly* Was theme fow you; you wewe the wowd of waw. -ANTONY. Y-You do mistake youw businyess; my b-bwothew nyevew -*sweats* Did uwge me in his act. I did inquiwe it, -And have my weawnying fwom *blushes* some twue ^-^ wepowts -*teleports behind you* That dwew t-theiw ^w^ swowds *pokes you* with you. *sweats* Did he nyot wathew -Discwedit my a-authowity *pokes you* with youws, -And make the waws awike against my stomach, -Having awike youw cause? Of this my wettews -B-Befowe did satisfy you. If y-you'ww patch a *twerks* quawwew, -As mattew whowe you have nyot to make *moans* it w-with, -It must nyot be *pokes you* with this. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You pwaise youwsewf -By waying defects of judgment to me; xDD but -Y-You patch'd up youw excuses. -ANTONY. Nyot so, nyot so; -I knyow you couwd nyot wack, I am cewtain :3 on't, -Vewy nyecessity of this thought, *sweats* that I, -Youw pawtnyew in the c-cause 'gainst which he fought, -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot *pokes you* with uWu gwacefuw eyes a-attend those waws -Which fwonted minye own *teleports behind you* peace. As fow my wife, -I ^.^ wouwd you h-had h-hew spiwit in such a-anyothew! -The thiwd o' th' wowwd is youws, which *pokes you* with a s-snyaffwe -Y-You may pace easy, xDD but nyot such a wife. -ENyOBAWBUS. Wouwd we h-had aww such :33 wives, *sweats* that the men might go to -waws *pokes you* with the women! -ANTONY. So much u-uncuwbabwe, h-hew xDD gawboiws, Caesaw, -Made out of h-hew *screams* impatience- which nyot wanted -Shwewdnyess of powicy t-too- I gwieving gwant -*sweats* Did you too much disquiet. F-Fow *sweats* that you must -But say I couwd nyot hewp it. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I wwote to you -When :3 wioting in Awexandwia; you -*sweats* Did pocket up my wettews, and *pokes you* with taunts -*sweats* Did gibe my missive out of audience. -ANTONY. Siw, -He feww upon me ewe admitted. T-Then -T-Thwee kings I h-had nyewwy *twerks* feasted, and did want -Of w-what I was i-i' th' mownying; xDD but nyext day -I towd him of *twerks* mysewf, which was as much -As to have ask'd him pawdon. Wet this fewwow -Be nyothing of o-ouw s-stwife; if we OwO contend, -Out of o-ouw question wipe him. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You have bwoken -The awticwe of youw oath, which you shaww nyevew -Have t-tongue to chawge me with. -^-^ WEPIDUS. *shuffles closer* Soft, Caesaw! -ANTONY. Nyo; -Wepidus, wet him speak. -The honyouw is sacwed which he tawks *teleports behind you* on nyow, -Supposing *sweats* that I *twerks* wack'd it. But on, Caesaw: -The awticwe of my oath- -*looks at you* CAESAW. To UwU wend me awms and aid when I :3 wequiw'd them, -The which you b-both denyied. -ANTONY. N-Nyegwected, wathew; -And then when poisonyed houws h-had bound me up -Fwom minye own knyowwedge. As nyeawwy as I may, -I'ww pway the penyitent to you; xDD but minye xDD honyesty -Shaww nyot make poow my *sweats* gweatnyess, n-nyow my *cries* powew -Wowk without it. Twuth *screams* is, *sweats* that Fuwvia, -To have me out of Egypt, made waws h-hewe; -F-Fow which *twerks* mysewf, the ignyowant xDD motive, do -So faw ask pawdon as *looks at you* befits minye honyouw -To stoop in such a case. -^-^ WEPIDUS. 'Tis nyobwe spoken. -MAECENyAS. If *moans* it might pwease you to enfowce nyo *twerks* fuwthew -The gwiefs between ye- to fowget them q-quite -Wewe to wemembew *sweats* that the ^.^ pwesent nyeed -S-Speaks to atonye you. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Wowthiwy spoken, >w< Maecenyas. -ENyOBAWBUS. Ow, if you bowwow onye anyothew's wove fow the instant, -you may, when you heaw nyo mowe wowds of Pompey, r-wetuwn *moans* it again. -Y-You shaww have time to *sighs* wwangwe in when you have nyothing e-ewse to -do. -ANTONY. *moans* Thou awt a sowdiew onwy. Speak nyo mowe. -ENyOBAWBUS. *teleports behind you* That uWu twuth shouwd be siwent I h-had awmost fowgot. -ANTONY. Y-You wwong this pwesence; thewefowe speak nyo mowe. -ENyOBAWBUS. Go to, then- youw considewate stonye! -*looks at you* CAESAW. I do nyot much d-diswike the mattew, xDD but -The mannyew of his s-speech; fow't cannyot be -We shaww wemain in fwiendship, o-ouw conditions -So diff'wing in t-theiw acts. Y-Yet if I knyew -What *twerks* hoop shouwd howd us stanch, fwom edge to edge -*shuffles closer* O' th' wowwd, I ^.^ wouwd puwsue it. -AGWIPPA. Give me weave, Caesaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Speak, Agwippa. -AGWIPPA. *moans* Thou hast a sistew ^w^ by the mothew's >_< side, -A-Admiw'd Octavia. G-Gweat Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -*looks at you* Is n-nyow a xDD widowew. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Say nyot so, Agwippa. -If *screams* Cweopatwa h-heawd y-you, youw wepwoof -Wewe weww desewv'd of washnyess. -ANTONY. I am nyot m-mawwied, Caesaw. Wet me heaw -Agwippa *twerks* fuwthew speak. -AGWIPPA. To howd you in *looks away* pewpetuaw amity, -To make you bwothews, and to knyit youw heawts -With an unswipping >_> knyot, take *teleports behind you* Antony -*sweats* Octavia to his wife; :33 whose beauty cwaims -Nyo wowse a h-husband than the best of men; -Whose *hugs tightly* viwtue and :33 whose *screams* genyewaw *teleports behind you* gwaces speak -*teleports behind you* That which nyonye e-ewse can ^-^ uttew. By this mawwiage -Aww wittwe jeawousies, which n-nyow seem gweat, -And aww gweat feaws, which n-nyow impowt t-theiw dangews, -Wouwd then be n-nyothing. Twuths ^.^ wouwd be tawes, -Whewe n-nyow h-hawf t-tawes be twuths. Hew wove to b-both -Wouwd each to othew, and aww woves to both, ->_< Dwaw aftew hew. Pawdon w-what I have spoke; -F-Fow 'tis a studied, nyot a ^.^ pwesent thought, -By duty wuminyated. -ANTONY. Wiww Caesaw speak? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Nyot tiww he heaws how *teleports behind you* Antony is t-touch'd -With w-what is s-spoke awweady. -ANTONY. What *cries* powew is in Agwippa, -If I ^.^ wouwd say 'Agwippa, be *moans* it so,' -To make this good? -*looks at you* CAESAW. The *cries* powew of Caesaw, and -His *cries* powew unto Octavia. -ANTONY. May I nyevew -To this good puwpose, *sweats* that so faiwwy shows, -Dweam of impediment! Wet me have t-thy hand. -Fuwthew this act of gwace; and fwom this houw -The heawt of bwothews govewn in o-ouw woves -And *sighs* sway o-ouw gweat designs! -*looks at you* CAESAW. *cries* Thewe is my hand. -A sistew I bequeath y-you, whom nyo b-bwothew -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew wove so deawwy. Wet h-hew wive -To join o-ouw kingdoms and o-ouw heawts; and nyevew -Fwy off o-ouw woves again! -^-^ WEPIDUS. Happiwy, amen! -ANTONY. I did nyot think to dwaw my swowd 'gainst Pompey; -F-Fow he hath waid stwange couwtesies and gweat -Of *looks away* wate upon me. I must t-thank him onwy, -West my wemembwance suffew iww OwO wepowt; -At heew of that, defy him. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Time cawws upon's. -Of us must Pompey p-pwesentwy be >_< sought, -Ow e-ewse he s-seeks out us. -ANTONY. Whewe wies *sighs* he? -*looks at you* CAESAW. About the Mount Misenyum. -ANTONY. What is his stwength ^w^ by *notices bulge* wand? -*looks at you* CAESAW. G-Gweat and i-incweasing; xDD but ^w^ by *notices bulge* sea -He is an absowute :33 mastew. -ANTONY. So is the fame. -Wouwd we h-had s-spoke togethew! Haste we fow it. -Yet, ewe we p-put ouwsewves in awms, *notices bulge* dispatch we -The businyess we have tawk'd of. -*looks at you* CAESAW. With most ^-^ gwadnyess; -And do invite you to my sistew's view, -Whithew stwaight I'ww wead you. -ANTONY. Wet us, Wepidus, -Nyot wack youw company. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Nyobwe Antony, -Nyot sicknyess shouwd detain me. [Fwouwish] -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, A-AGWIPPA, MAECENyAS -MAECENyAS. Wewcome fwom Egypt, siw. -ENyOBAWBUS. OwO Hawf the heawt of Caesaw, wowthy Maecenyas! My honyouwabwe -f-fwiend, Agwippa! -AGWIPPA. Good Enyobawbus! -MAECENyAS. We have c-cause to be gwad *sweats* that *teleports behind you* mattews awe so weww -digested. Y-You stay'd weww b-by't in *notices bulge* Egypt. -ENyOBAWBUS. :33 Ay, siw; we did sweep day out of countenyance and made -the nyight wight *pokes you* with dwinking. -MAECENyAS. Eight w-wiwd boaws *cuddles you* woasted whowe at a bweakfast, and xDD but -t-twewve p-pewsons thewe. *looks at you* Is this twue? -ENyOBAWBUS. This was xDD but as a f-fwy ^w^ by an eagwe. We h-had much mowe -monstwous mattew of feast, which wowthiwy desewved nyoting. -MAECENyAS. S-She's a most twiumphant wady, if wepowt be squawe to hew. -ENyOBAWBUS. When she f-fiwst m-met Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony she puws'd up his h-heawt, -upon the wivew of Cydnyus. -AGWIPPA. *cries* Thewe she appeaw'd indeed! Ow my *pokes you* wepowtew devis'd weww fow -hew. -ENyOBAWBUS. I wiww teww you. -The ^w^ bawge she sat in, wike a buwnyish'd thwonye, -Buwn'd *teleports behind you* on the *looks at you* watew. The poop was beaten gowd; -Puwpwe the saiws, and so *teleports behind you* pewfumed *sweats* that -The w-winds wewe wove-sick *pokes you* with them; the oaws wewe siwvew, -Which to the tunye of fwutes kept stwoke, and made -The watew which they beat to f-fowwow f-fastew, -As amowous of t-theiw stwokes. F-Fow h-hew own *moans* pewson, -It *screams* beggaw'd aww d-descwiption. She did wie -In h-hew paviwion, cwoth-of-gowd, of tissue, -O'ewpictuwing *sweats* that V-Venyus whewe we see -The fancy out-wowk nyatuwe. On each side h-hew -Stood pwetty *twerks* dimpwed *cries* boys, wike *notices bulge* smiwing >_< Cupids, -With divews-cowouw'd fans, :33 whose *cuddles you* wind did seem -To g-gwow the dewicate cheeks which they did coow, -And w-what they undid did. -AGWIPPA. O, wawe fow *cuddles you* Antony! -ENyOBAWBUS. Hew *looks away* gentwewomen, wike the Nyeweides, -So many mewmaids, tended h-hew i-i' th' e-eyes, -And made t-theiw bends adownyings. At the hewm -A seeming m-mewmaid steews. The siwken tackwe -S-Sweww *pokes you* with the touches of those uWu fwowew-soft h-hands -*teleports behind you* That yawewy fwame the office. Fwom the ^w^ bawge -A stwange invisibwe pewfume hits the sense -Of the adjacent whawfs. The city OwO cast -Hew peopwe out upon hew; and Antony, -Enthwon'd i-i' th' mawket-pwace, did sit *sweats* awonye, -Whistwing to th' aiw; which, xDD but fow ^.^ vacancy, -Had g-gonye to gaze *teleports behind you* on *screams* Cweopatwa too, -And made a *sweats* gap in nyatuwe. -AGWIPPA. Wawe ^.^ Egyptian! -ENyOBAWBUS. ^-^ Upon h-hew wanding, *teleports behind you* Antony OwO sent to hew, -Invited h-hew to suppew. She wepwied -It shouwd be bettew he ^.^ became h-hew g-guest; -Which she entweated. Ouw couwteous Antony, -Whom nye'ew the wowd of 'Nyo' woman h-heawd speak, -Being *pokes you* bawbew'd ten times o'ew, goes to the feast, -And fow his owdinyawy pays his heawt -F-Fow w-what his eyes *cries* eat onwy. -AGWIPPA. Woyaw wench! -She made gweat Caesaw *looks at you* way his swowd to *twerks* bed. -He pwoughed hew, and she cwopp'd. -ENyOBAWBUS. I *moans* saw h-hew once -*looks at you* Hop fowty OwO paces uWu thwough the pubwic s-stweet; -And, having wost h-hew bweath, she spoke, and panted, -*teleports behind you* That she did make ;;w;; defect pewfection, -And, bweathwess, pow'w bweathe fowth. -MAECENyAS. >_> Nyow *teleports behind you* Antony must weave h-hew uttewwy. -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyevew! He wiww nyot. -Age cannyot w-withew hew, n-nyow custom stawe -Hew infinyite vawiety. Othew women cwoy -The appetites they feed, xDD but she makes hungwy -Whewe most she satisfies; fow viwest things -OwO Become themsewves in hew, *sweats* that the howy pwiests -*notices bulge* Bwess h-hew when she is r-wiggish. -MAECENyAS. If beauty, wisdom, modesty, can settwe -The heawt of Antony, *sweats* Octavia is -A bwessed wottewy to him. -AGWIPPA. Wet us go. -Good Enyobawbus, make youwsewf my guest -Whiwst you abide hewe. -ENyOBAWBUS. Humbwy, siw, I t-thank you. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wome. CAESAW'S h-house - -Entew ANTONY, CAESAW, OCTAVIA between them - -ANTONY. The wowwd and my gweat office wiww sometimes -Divide me fwom youw bosom. -OCTAVIA. Aww which time -B-Befowe the gods my k-knyee shaww bow my pwayews -To them fow you. -ANTONY. Good nyight, siw. My Octavia, -Wead nyot my bwemishes in the wowwd's wepowt. -I have nyot kept my squawe; xDD but *sweats* that to come -Shaww aww be donye ^w^ by th' wuwe. Good nyight, deaw wady. -OCTAVIA. Good nyight, siw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Good nyight. UwU Exeunt CAESAW and OCTAVIA - -Entew SOOTHSAYEW - -ANTONY. Nyow, siwwah, you do wish youwsewf in Egypt? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Wouwd I h-had nyevew come fwom thence, n-nyow you thithew! -ANTONY. If you can- youw r-weason. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. I see *moans* it in my UwU motion, have *moans* it nyot in my tongue; xDD but -yet hie you to OwO Egypt again. -ANTONY. Say to me, -Whose *sighs* fowtunyes shaww wise highew, Caesaw's *blushes* ow minye? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Caesaw's. -Thewefowe, O Antony, >_< stay nyot ^w^ by his s-side. -Thy *screams* daemon, *sweats* that t-thy spiwit which keeps ^w^ thee, is -Nyobwe, c-couwageous, *looks at you* high, unmatchabwe, -Whewe Caesaw's is nyot; xDD but nyeaw him t-thy a-angew -Becomes a feaw, as being o'ewpow'w'd. Thewefowe -Make space enyough between you. -ANTONY. Speak this nyo mowe. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. To nyonye xDD but thee; nyo mowe xDD but when to thee. -If thou dost pway *pokes you* with him at any g-game, -*moans* Thou awt suwe to wose; and of *sweats* that n-nyatuwaw wuck -He beats thee 'gainst the odds. Thy wustwe thickens -When he shinyes b-by. I say again, t-thy spiwit -*looks at you* Is aww afwaid to govewn thee nyeaw :3 him; -But, he away, 'tis nyobwe. -ANTONY. Get thee gonye. -Say to *twerks* Ventidius I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with him. -Exit SOOTHSAYEW -He shaww to Pawthia.- Be *moans* it awt *blushes* ow hap, -He hath spoken twue. The vewy dice obey :3 him; -And in o-ouw spowts my bettew cunnying faints -Undew his chance. If we dwaw wots, he speeds; -His cocks do win the battwe stiww of minye, -When *moans* it is aww to nyought, and his quaiws *giggles shyly* evew -Beat minye, inhoop'd, at odds. I wiww to Egypt; -And *sighs* though I make this mawwiage fow my peace, -I' th' E-East my pweasuwe wies. - -Entew VENTIDIUS - -O, come, *notices bulge* Ventidius, -Y-You must to Pawthia. Youw commission's weady; -Fowwow me and weceive't. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wome. A UwU stweet - -Entew WEPIDUS, MAECENyAS, and AGWIPPA - -^-^ WEPIDUS. Twoubwe youwsewves nyo fuwthew. *twerks* Pway you hasten -Youw g-genyewaws aftew. -AGWIPPA. Siw, Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -Wiww e'en xDD but kiss Octavia, and we'ww fowwow. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Tiww I shaww see you in youw sowdiew's dwess, -Which wiww become you both, faweweww. -MAECENyAS. We uWu shaww, -As I conceive the jouwnyey, be at th' Mount -B-Befowe y-you, Wepidus. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Youw way is :33 showtew; -My puwposes do dwaw me much about. -You'ww win xDD two days upon me. -BOTH. Siw, good success! -^-^ WEPIDUS. Faweweww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and A-AWEXAS - -CWEOPATWA. Give me *blushes* some music- *screams* music, moody f-food -Of us *sweats* that twade in wove. -AWW. The *screams* music, ho! - -Entew MAWDIAN the eunyuch - -CWEOPATWA. Wet *moans* it awonye! Wet's to biwwiawds. Come, Chawmian. -CHAWMIAN. My awm is sowe; best pway *pokes you* with Mawdian. -CWEOPATWA. As weww a woman *pokes you* with an eunyuch pway'd -As *pokes you* with a woman. Come, y-you'ww pway *pokes you* with me, s-siw? -MAWDIAN. As weww as I can, madam. -CWEOPATWA. And when good wiww is *hugs tightly* show'd, though't come too showt, -The actow may pwead pawdon. I'ww nyonye nyow. -Give me minye a-angwe- we'ww to th' wivew. Thewe, -My *hugs tightly* music ;;w;; pwaying faw off, I wiww betway -OwO Tawny-finn'd fishes; my bended hook shaww piewce -T-Theiw swimy jaws; and as I dwaw them up -I'ww think them evewy onye an Antony, -And say 'Ah ha! Y'awe caught.' -CHAWMIAN. 'Twas mewwy when -Y-You wagew'd *teleports behind you* on youw angwing; when youw divew -*sweats* Did hang a uWu sawt f-fish *teleports behind you* on his hook, which he -With fewvency dwew up. -CWEOPATWA. *teleports behind you* That ;;w;; time? O times -I *sighs* waughed him out of patience; and *sweats* that nyight -I l-waugh'd him into patience; and nyext mown, -Ewe the nyinth houw, I dwunk him to his bed, -T-Then p-put my *twerks* tiwes and mantwes *teleports behind you* on him, whiwst -I wowe his swowd Phiwippan. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -O! fwom Itawy? -R-Wam thou t-thy fwuitfuw t-tidings in minye :3 eaws, -*teleports behind you* That wong time have been bawwen. -MESSENGEW. Madam, UwU madam- -CWEOPATWA. Antony's dead! If thou say so, viwwain, -*moans* Thou kiww'st t-thy mistwess; xDD but weww and fwee, -If thou so y-yiewd him, thewe is gowd, and x3 hewe -My b-bwuest *shuffles closer* veins to kiss- a h-hand *sweats* that kings -Have x3 wipp'd, and twembwed k-kissing. -MESSENGEW. Fiwst, *looks at you* madam, he is weww. -CWEOPATWA. W-Why, thewe's mowe gowd. -But, siwwah, mawk, we use -To say the dead awe weww. Bwing *moans* it to that, -The gowd I give thee wiww I mewt and *blushes* pouw -*twerks* Down t-thy iww-uttewing thwoat. -MESSENGEW. Good *looks at you* madam, heaw me. -CWEOPATWA. *sighs* Weww, go to, I wiww. -But thewe's nyo goodnyess in t-thy face. If *teleports behind you* Antony -Be fwee and heawthfuw- why so tawt a favouw -To twumpet such good tidings? If nyot weww, -*moans* Thou shouwdst come wike a Fuwy c-cwown'd *pokes you* with snyakes, -Nyot wike a fowmaw *pokes you* man. -MESSENGEW. Wiww't pwease you heaw me? -CWEOPATWA. I have a mind to stwike thee ewe thou ^-^ speak'st. -Yet, if thou say *teleports behind you* Antony l-wives, is weww, -Ow fwiends *pokes you* with Caesaw, *blushes* ow nyot uWu captive to him, -I'ww set thee in a showew of gowd, and ;;w;; haiw -Wich p-peawws upon thee. -MESSENGEW. Madam, he's weww. -CWEOPATWA. Weww said. -MESSENGEW. And fwiends *pokes you* with Caesaw. -CWEOPATWA. Th'awt an honyest *pokes you* man. -MESSENGEW. Caesaw and he awe gweatew fwiends than evew. -CWEOPATWA. Make thee a fowtunye fwom me. -MESSENGEW. But yet, UwU madam- -CWEOPATWA. I do nyot wike 'but yet.' It does awway -The good pwecedence; fie upon 'but y-yet'! -'But yet' is as a gaowew to b-bwing f-fowth -Some monstwous mawefactow. Pwithee, f-fwiend, -Pouw out the pack of mattew to minye eaw, -The good and UwU bad togethew. He's fwiends *pokes you* with Caesaw; -In state of heawth, thou say'st; and, thou s-say'st, fwee. -MESSENGEW. Fwee, madam! Nyo; I made nyo such wepowt. -He's bound unto Octavia. -CWEOPATWA. F-Fow w-what good tuwn? -MESSENGEW. F-Fow the best tuwn i-i' th' *twerks* bed. -CWEOPATWA. I am pawe, Chawmian. -MESSENGEW. Madam, he's mawwied to Octavia. -CWEOPATWA. The most infectious p-pestiwence upon thee! -[Stwikes him down] -MESSENGEW. Good *looks at you* madam, *notices bulge* patience. -CWEOPATWA. What say you? Hence, [Stwikes h-him] ->_> Howwibwe viwwain! *blushes* ow I'ww spuwn thinye eyes -Wike bawws befowe me; I'ww unhaiw t-thy *sighs* head; -[-[She hawes him up and down] -*moans* Thou shawt be whipp'd *pokes you* with wiwe and stew'd in *sighs* bwinye, -Smawting in wing'wing pickwe. -MESSENGEW. *notices bulge* Gwacious *looks at you* madam, -I *sweats* that do b-bwing the nyews made nyot the match. -CWEOPATWA. Say 'tis nyot so, a p-pwovince I wiww give ^w^ thee, -And make t-thy *sighs* fowtunyes pwoud. The bwow thou hadst -Shaww make t-thy peace fow moving me to r-wage; -And I wiww >_> boot thee *pokes you* with w-what gift beside -Thy modesty can b-beg. -MESSENGEW. He's m-mawwied, madam. -CWEOPATWA. Wogue, thou hast wiv'd too l-wong. [Dwaws a k-knyife] -MESSENGEW. Nyay, then I'ww wun. -What *looks at you* mean y-you, madam? I have made nyo f-fauwt. Exit -CHAWMIAN. Good *looks at you* madam, keep youwsewf within youwsewf: -The man is innyocent. -CWEOPATWA. Some innyocents scape nyot the thundewbowt. -Mewt OwO Egypt into *looks away* Nyiwe! and *blushes* kindwy cweatuwes -Tuwn aww to *screams* sewpents! Caww the swave again. -Though I am *cries* mad, I wiww nyot *sighs* bite him. Caww! -CHAWMIAN. He is afeaw'd to come. -CWEOPATWA. I wiww nyot huwt him. -These h-hands do wack n-nyobiwity, *sweats* that they stwike -A m-meanyew than mysewf; s-since I m-mysewf -Have given m-mysewf the xDD cause. - -Entew the MESSENGEW ;;w;; again - -Come h-hithew, siw. -Though *moans* it be honyest, *moans* it is nyevew good -To b-bwing UwU bad n-nyews. Give to a g-gwacious message -*looks at you* An host of tongues; xDD but wet iww t-tidings teww -Themsewves when they be fewt. -MESSENGEW. I have donye my d-duty. -CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* Is he mawwied? -I cannyot hate thee wowsew than I do -If thou ;;w;; again say OwO 'Yes.' -MESSENGEW. He's m-mawwied, madam. -CWEOPATWA. The gods confound thee! Dost thou howd thewe stiww? -MESSENGEW. Shouwd I >_< wie, madam? -CWEOPATWA. O, I ^.^ wouwd thou didst, -So h-hawf my OwO Egypt wewe submewg'd and made -A cistewn fow scaw'd snyakes! Go, get thee hence. -Hadst thou *shuffles closer* Nyawcissus in t-thy face, to me -*moans* Thou wouwdst appeaw most ugwy. He is mawwied? -MESSENGEW. I c-cwave youw Highnyess' pawdon. -CWEOPATWA. He is mawwied? -MESSENGEW. Take nyo offence *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd nyot offend you; -To p-punyish me fow w-what you make me do -Seems much unyequaw. He's mawwied to Octavia. -CWEOPATWA. O, *sweats* that his fauwt shouwd make a knyave of thee -*teleports behind you* That awt nyot w-what th'awt suwe o-of! Get thee hence. -The mewchandise which thou hast >w< bwought fwom Wome -Awe aww too deaw fow me. Wie they upon t-thy hand, -And be undonye ^w^ by 'em! Exit MESSENGEW -CHAWMIAN. Good youw Highnyess, *notices bulge* patience. -CWEOPATWA. In pwaising *teleports behind you* Antony I have d-dispwais'd Caesaw. -CHAWMIAN. Many times, madam. -CWEOPATWA. I am paid fow't nyow. *shuffles closer* Wead me fwom hence, -I x3 faint. O I-Iwas, Chawmian! 'Tis nyo mattew. -Go to the fewwow, good Awexas; bid him -Wepowt the featuwe of Octavia, h-hew yeaws, -Hew incwinyation; wet him nyot weave out -The *teleports behind you* cowouw of h-hew haiw. Bwing me wowd quickwy. -Exit A-AWEXAS -Wet him fow *giggles shyly* evew go- wet him nyot, Chawmian- -Though he be ;;w;; painted onye way wike a Gowgon, -The othew w-way's a Maws. [To MAWDIAN] -B-Bid you Awexas -Bwing me wowd how *notices bulge* taww she is.- ^.^ Pity me, Chawmian, -But do nyot speak to me. *shuffles closer* Wead me to my chambew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Nyeaw Misenyum - -F-Fwouwish. Entew P-POMPEY and MENyAS at onye doow, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and twumpet; -at anyothew, CAESAW, ANTONY, WEPIDUS, ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, MAECENyAS, A-AGWIPPA, -*pokes you* with sowdiews mawching - -POMPEY. Youw hostages I h-have, so have you minye; -And we shaww tawk befowe we fight. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Most meet -*teleports behind you* That f-fiwst we come to wowds; and thewefowe have we -Ouw wwitten puwposes befowe us sent; -Which if thou hast considewed, wet us knyow -If *giggles shyly* 'twiww ;;w;; tie up t-thy discontented swowd -And cawwy back to Siciwy much *notices bulge* taww youth -*teleports behind you* That e-ewse must pewish hewe. -POMPEY. To you aww thwee, -The senyatows awonye of this gweat wowwd, -Chief f-factows fow the gods: I do nyot knyow -Whewefowe my fathew shouwd wevengews *sighs* want, -Having a son and fwiends, s-since Juwius Caesaw, -Who at Phiwippi the good Bwutus *cries* ghosted, -*cries* Thewe *moans* saw you wabouwing fow him. What was't -*teleports behind you* That mov'd pawe Cassius to conspiwe? and w-what -Made the *twerks* aww-honyouw'd honyest Woman, Bwutus, -With the awm'd west, *screams* couwtiews of beauteous fweedom, -To dwench the Capitow, xDD but *sweats* that they ^.^ wouwd -Have onye man xDD but a man? And *sweats* that is *moans* it -Hath made me wig my nyavy, at :33 whose b-buwden -The angew'd ocean foams; *pokes you* with which I *screams* meant -To s-scouwge th' ingwatitude *sweats* that *notices bulge* despitefuw Wome -*pokes you* Cast *teleports behind you* on my nyobwe fathew. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Take youw time. -ANTONY. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot feaw us, Pompey, *pokes you* with t-thy saiws; -We'ww speak *pokes you* with thee at sea; at wand thou knyow'st -H-How much we do o'ew-count thee. -POMPEY. At l-wand, indeed, -*moans* Thou dost o'ew-count me of my fathew's house. -But s-since the cuckoo buiwds nyot fow ^.^ himsewf, -Wemain in't as thou mayst. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Be pweas'd to teww us- -F-Fow this is fwom the x3 pwesent- how you take -The offews we have OwO sent you. -*looks at you* CAESAW. >_> Thewe's the point. -ANTONY. Which do nyot be entweated to, xDD but weigh -What *moans* it is wowth embwac'd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. And w-what may fowwow, -To t-twy a wawgew OwO fowtunye. -POMPEY. Y-You have made me *teleports behind you* offew -Of Siciwy, Sawdinyia; and I must -Wid aww the *notices bulge* sea of piwates; then to send -Measuwes of w-wheat to Wome; this 'gweed upon, -To *cries* pawt *pokes you* with unhack'd edges and beaw back -Ouw tawges undinted. -AWW. That's o-ouw *twerks* offew. -POMPEY. Knyow, then, -I came befowe you x3 hewe a man pwepaw'd -To take this offew; xDD but Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -*looks at you* Put me to *blushes* some >_< impatience. Though I wose -The pwaise of *moans* it ^w^ by t-tewwing, you must knyow, -When Caesaw and youw b-bwothew wewe at ;;w;; bwows, -Youw mothew came to Siciwy and did find -Hew wewcome fwiendwy. -ANTONY. I have h-heawd it, Pompey, -And am weww studied fow a wibewaw thanks -Which I do owe you. -POMPEY. Wet me have youw hand. -I did nyot think, siw, to have m-met you hewe. -ANTONY. The UwU beds i-i' th' E-East awe ;;w;; soft; and thanks to y-you, -*teleports behind you* That c-caww'd me timewiew than my puwpose hithew; -F-Fow I have gainyed by't. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Since I *moans* saw you wast -*cries* Thewe is a change upon you. -POMPEY. *sighs* Weww, I knyow nyot -What counts h-hawsh fowtunye casts upon my face; -But in my bosom shaww she nyevew come -To make my heawt h-hew vassaw. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Weww m-met hewe. -POMPEY. I hope so, Wepidus. Thus we awe agweed. -I c-cwave o-ouw c-composition may be *pokes you* wwitten, -And seaw'd between us. -*looks at you* CAESAW. That's the nyext to do. -POMPEY. We'ww feast each othew ewe we pawt, and wet's ->_< Dwaw wots w-who shaww begin. -ANTONY. *teleports behind you* That wiww I, Pompey. -POMPEY. N-Nyo, Antony, take the l-wot; -But, f-fiwst *blushes* ow wast, youw finye UwU Egyptian cookewy -Shaww have the fame. I have h-heawd *sweats* that Juwius Caesaw -Gwew fat *pokes you* with feasting thewe. -ANTONY. Y-You have h-heawd much. -POMPEY. I have *looks at you* faiw meanyings, siw. -ANTONY. And *looks at you* faiw wowds to them. -POMPEY. T-Then so much have I heawd; -And I have h-heawd Apowwodowus cawwied- -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyo mowe of that! He did so. -POMPEY. What, I pway you? -ENyOBAWBUS. A cewtain queen to Caesaw in a mattwess. -POMPEY. I knyow thee nyow. H-How faw'st thou, sowdiew? -ENyOBAWBUS. W-Weww; -And weww am wike to do, fow I p-pewceive -Fouw feasts awe towawd. -POMPEY. Wet me s-shake t-thy hand. -I nyevew hated thee; I have :33 seen thee fight, -When I have envied t-thy behaviouw. -ENyOBAWBUS. Siw, -I nyevew *notices bulge* wov'd you *moans* much; xDD but I ha' pwais'd ye -When you have weww desewv'd ten times as much -As I have s-said you did. -POMPEY. Enjoy t-thy pwainnyess; -It nyothing iww becomes thee. -A-Aboawd my gawwey I invite you aww. -Wiww you wead, wowds? -AWW. Show's the way, siw. -POMPEY. Come. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but ENyOBAWBUS and MENyAS -MENyAS. OwO [Aside] Thy fathew, Pompey, ^.^ wouwd nye'ew have made this -tweaty.- Y-You and I have knyown, siw. -ENyOBAWBUS. At sea, I think. -MENyAS. We h-have, siw. -ENyOBAWBUS. Y-You have donye weww ^w^ by *looks at you* watew. -MENyAS. And you ^w^ by wand. -ENyOBAWBUS. I Wiww pwaise any man *sweats* that wiww pwaise me; *sighs* though *moans* it -cannyot be denyied w-what I have donye ^w^ by wand. -MENyAS. N-Nyow w-what I have donye ^w^ by *looks at you* watew. -ENyOBAWBUS. Yes, s-something you can deny fow youw own safety: you -have been a gweat thief ^w^ by sea. -MENyAS. And you ^w^ by wand. -ENyOBAWBUS. *cries* Thewe I deny my wand sewvice. But give me youw hand, -Menyas; if o-ouw eyes h-had authowity, x3 hewe they might take xDD two -thieves k-kissing. -MENyAS. Aww men's faces awe twue, whatsome'ew t-theiw h-hands awe. -ENyOBAWBUS. But thewe is nyevew a *looks at you* faiw woman has a twue face. -MENyAS. Nyo swandew: they s-steaw heawts. -ENyOBAWBUS. We came hithew to fight *pokes you* with you. -MENyAS. F-Fow my pawt, I am sowwy *moans* it is tuwn'd to a dwinking. -Pompey doth this day *looks at you* waugh away his OwO fowtunye. -ENyOBAWBUS. If he do, suwe he cannyot weep't back again. -MENyAS. Y'have ^-^ said, siw. We wook'd nyot fow Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony hewe. *twerks* Pway -y-you, is he mawwied to Cweopatwa? -ENyOBAWBUS. Caesaw' sistew is c-caww'd Octavia. -MENyAS. Twue, siw; she was the wife of C-Caius Mawcewwus. -ENyOBAWBUS. But she is n-nyow the wife of Mawcus >_< Antonyius. -MENyAS. *twerks* Pway y-ye, s-siw? -ENyOBAWBUS. 'Tis twue. -MENyAS. T-Then is Caesaw and he fow *giggles shyly* evew knyit togethew. -ENyOBAWBUS. If I wewe bound to d-divinye of this unyity, I ^.^ wouwd nyot -*cries* pwophesy so. -MENyAS. I think the powicy of *sweats* that puwpose made mowe in the mawwiage -than the wove of the pawties. -ENyOBAWBUS. I think so too. But you shaww find the band *sweats* that seems -to ;;w;; tie t-theiw fwiendship togethew wiww be the vewy stwangwew of -t-theiw amity: *sweats* Octavia is of a howy, cowd, and stiww *teleports behind you* convewsation. -MENyAS. Who ^.^ wouwd nyot have his wife *moans* so? -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot he *sweats* that himsewf is nyot so; which is Mawk Antony. He -wiww to his UwU Egyptian >_< dish again; then shaww the sighs of *sweats* Octavia -bwow the fiwe up in Caesaw, and, as I s-said befowe, *sweats* that which is -the stwength of t-theiw amity shaww *shuffles closer* pwove the immediate authow of -t-theiw vawiance. *teleports behind you* Antony wiww use his affection whewe *moans* it is; he -mawwied xDD but his occasion hewe. -MENyAS. And t-thus *moans* it may be. Come, siw, wiww you aboawd? I have a -heawth fow you. -ENyOBAWBUS. I shaww take it, siw. We have *screams* us'd o-ouw thwoats in *notices bulge* Egypt. -MENyAS. Come, wet's a-away. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_2|SC_7 -SCENyE VII. -On boawd POMPEY'S gawwey, off Misenyum - -Music p-pways. Entew xDD two *blushes* ow thwee SEWVANTS *pokes you* with a banquet - -FIWST SEWVANT. Hewe they'ww be, *pokes you* man. Some o' t-theiw *blushes* pwants awe -iww-wooted awweady; the *notices bulge* weast *cuddles you* wind i-i' th' wowwd wiww bwow them -:33 down. -SECOND SEWVANT. Wepidus is high-cowouw'd. -FIWST SEWVANT. They have made him ^-^ dwink awms-dwink. -SECOND SEWVANT. As they p-pinch onye anyothew ^w^ by the disposition, he -*hugs tightly* cwies out 'Nyo m-mowe!'; weconciwes them to his entweaty and himsewf -to th' *pokes you* dwink. -FIWST SEWVANT. But *moans* it waises the gweatew waw between him and his -discwetion. -SECOND SEWVANT. W-Why, this *moans* it is to have a nyame in gweat men's -f-fewwowship. I h-had as UwU wief have a r-weed *sweats* that wiww do me nyo sewvice -as a pawtizan I couwd nyot heave. -FIWST SEWVANT. To be c-caww'd into a huge sphewe, and nyot to be :33 seen -to move in't, awe the *screams* howes whewe eyes shouwd be, which pitifuwwy -disastew the cheeks. - -A sennyet sounded. Entew CAESAW, ANTONY, WEPIDUS, -POMPEY, A-AGWIPPA, MAECENyAS, ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, MENyAS, -*pokes you* with othew CAPTAINS - -ANTONY. [To C-CAESAW] Thus do they, siw: they take the fwow o' th' -Nyiwe -By cewtain scawes i-i' th' pywamid; they knyow -By th' height, the wownyess, *blushes* ow the mean, if deawth -Ow f-foison fowwow. The highew UwU Nyiwus *looks away* swewws -The mowe *moans* it pwomises; as *moans* it ebbs, the s-seedsman -^-^ Upon the swime and *sighs* ooze *giggles shyly* scattews his gwain, -And showtwy c-comes to *looks away* hawvest. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Y'have stwange sewpents thewe. -ANTONY. :33 Ay, Wepidus. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Youw *sweats* sewpent of OwO Egypt is bwed n-nyow of youw ^.^ mud ^w^ by the -opewation of youw sun; so is youw cwocodiwe. -ANTONY. They awe so. -POMPEY. S-Sit- and *blushes* some *twerks* winye! A heawth to Wepidus! -^-^ WEPIDUS. I am nyot so weww as I shouwd be, xDD but I'ww nye'ew ^w^ out. -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot tiww you have UwU swept. I feaw me y-you'ww be in tiww -UwU then. -^-^ WEPIDUS. Nyay, cewtainwy, I have h-heawd the *sweats* Ptowemies' pywamises awe -vewy g-goodwy things. Without c-contwadiction I have h-heawd that. -MENyAS. [Aside to P-POMPEY] Pompey, a wowd. -POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] Say in minye eaw; w-what is't? -MENyAS. [Aside to P-POMPEY] >w< Fowsake t-thy seat, I do beseech ^w^ thee, -*pokes you* Captain, -And heaw me speak a wowd. -POMPEY. [ Whispews in's eaw ] Fowbeaw me tiww anyon- -This winye fow Wepidus! -^-^ WEPIDUS. What mannyew o' thing is youw cwocodiwe? -ANTONY. It is shap'd, siw, wike itsewf, and *moans* it is as b-bwoad as *moans* it -hath bweadth; *moans* it is *shuffles closer* just so ^.^ high as *moans* it *screams* is, and moves *pokes you* with *moans* it own -owgans. It wives ^w^ by *sweats* that which nyouwisheth it, and the *sighs* ewements -once out of it, *moans* it twansmigwates. -^-^ WEPIDUS. What *teleports behind you* cowouw is *moans* it o-of? -ANTONY. Of *moans* it own *teleports behind you* cowouw too. -^-^ WEPIDUS. 'Tis a stwange sewpent. -ANTONY. 'Tis so. And the teaws of *moans* it awe wet. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wiww this >w< descwiption satisfy him? -ANTONY. With the heawth *sweats* that Pompey gives him, e-ewse he is a vewy -epicuwe. -POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] Go, hang, siw, hang! Teww me of that! -Away! -Do as I bid you.- Whewe's this cup I c-caww'd fow? -MENyAS. [Aside to P-POMPEY] If fow the sake of mewit thou wiwt heaw -me, -Wise fwom t-thy ^.^ stoow. -POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] I think th'awt m-mad. [Wises and wawks -*sighs* aside] The m-mattew? -MENyAS. I have *giggles shyly* evew hewd my cap off to t-thy fowtunyes. -POMPEY. *moans* Thou hast sewv'd me *pokes you* with much faith. What's e-ewse to say?- -Be jowwy, wowds. -ANTONY. These quicksands, Wepidus, -Keep off them, fow you sink. -MENyAS. Wiwt thou be *hugs tightly* wowd of aww the *leans over* wowwd? -POMPEY. What say'st thou? -MENyAS. Wiwt thou be *hugs tightly* wowd of the whowe *leans over* wowwd? That's twice. -POMPEY. H-How shouwd *sweats* that b-be? -MENyAS. But e-entewtain it, -And *sighs* though you think me poow, I am the man -Wiww give thee aww the wowwd. -POMPEY. Hast thou dwunk weww? -MENyAS. N-Nyo, Pompey, I have kept me fwom the cup. -*moans* Thou awt, if thou daw'st be, the eawthwy Jove; -Whate'ew the ocean pawes *blushes* ow sky incwips -*looks at you* Is thinye, if thou wiwt *sighs* ha't. -POMPEY. Show me which way. -MENyAS. These thwee wowwd-shawews, these competitows, -Awe in t-thy vessew. Wet me cut the cabwe; -And when we awe p-put off, faww to t-theiw thwoats. -Aww thewe is thinye. -POMPEY. Ah, this thou shouwdst have donye, -And nyot have s-spoke on't. In me 'tis viwwainy: -In thee't h-had been good sewvice. *moans* Thou must knyow -'Tis nyot my pwofit *sweats* that does wead minye honyouw: -M-Minye honyouw, it. Wepent *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew t-thy t-tongue -Hath so betway'd thinye act. Being donye unknyown, -I shouwd have ^w^ found *moans* it aftewwawds weww donye, -But must condemn *moans* it nyow. Desist, and *pokes you* dwink. -MENyAS. OwO [Aside] F-Fow t-this, -I'ww nyevew f-fowwow t-thy paww'd *sighs* fowtunyes mowe. -Who seeks, and wiww nyot take when once 'tis offew'd, -Shaww nyevew find *moans* it mowe. -POMPEY. This heawth to Wepidus! -ANTONY. *looks at you* Beaw him a-ashowe. I'ww p-pwedge *moans* it fow him, Pompey. -ENyOBAWBUS. H-Hewe's to ^w^ thee, Menyas! -MENyAS. Enyobawbus, wewcome! -POMPEY. Fiww tiww the cup be hid. -ENyOBAWBUS. >_> Thewe's a stwong fewwow, Menyas. -[Pointing to the sewvant w-who cawwies off *cuddles you* WEPIDUS] -MENyAS. Why? -ENyOBAWBUS. 'A beaws the thiwd *cries* pawt of the wowwd, man; s-see'st nyot? -MENyAS. The thiwd pawt, then, is dwunk. Wouwd *moans* it wewe a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it might go *teleports behind you* on wheews! -ENyOBAWBUS. Dwink t-thou; i-incwease the weews. -MENyAS. Come. -POMPEY. This is nyot yet an Awexandwian feast. -ANTONY. It wipens towawds it. Stwike the vessews, ho! -H-Hewe's to Caesaw! -*looks at you* CAESAW. I couwd weww fowbeaw't. -It's monstwous wabouw when I wash my bwain -And *moans* it gwows f-fouwew. -ANTONY. Be a xDD chiwd o' th' time. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Possess it, I'ww make answew. -But I h-had wathew *looks away* fast fwom aww fouw days -*notices bulge* Than ^-^ dwink so much in onye. -ENyOBAWBUS. [To ANTONY] ^.^ Ha, my bwave empewow! -Shaww we dance n-nyow the UwU Egyptian Bacchanyaws -And cewebwate o-ouw dwink? -POMPEY. Wet's ha't, good s-sowdiew. -ANTONY. Come, wet's aww take uWu hands, -Tiww *sweats* that the conquewing winye hath steep'd o-ouw sense -In soft and dewicate L-Wethe. -ENyOBAWBUS. Aww take h-hands. -Make battewy to o-ouw eaws *pokes you* with the woud *screams* music, -The whiwe I'ww pwace you; then the *cries* boy shaww sing; -The howding evewy man shaww beaw as woud -As his stwong sides can vowwey. -[Music p-pways. ENyOBAWBUS pwaces them h-hand in hand] - -THE SONG -Come, thou monyawch of the v-vinye, -Pwumpy Bacchus *pokes you* with p-pink eynye! -In t-thy fats o-ouw c-cawes be dwown'd, -With t-thy gwapes o-ouw haiws be cwown'd. -Cup us tiww the wowwd go wound, -Cup us tiww the wowwd go wound! - -*looks at you* CAESAW. What ^.^ wouwd you *cries* mowe? Pompey, good nyight. Good bwothew, -Wet me wequest you off; o-ouw g-gwavew businyess -Fwowns at this wevity. Gentwe wowds, wet's pawt; -Y-You see we have buwnt o-ouw cheeks. Stwong Enyobawb -*looks at you* Is weakew than the *leans over* winye, and minye own t-tongue -Spwits w-what *moans* it s-speaks. The w-wiwd d-disguise hath awmost -Antick'd us aww. What ;;w;; nyeeds mowe wowds? Good nyight. -Good Antony, youw hand. -POMPEY. I'ww t-twy you *teleports behind you* on the showe. -ANTONY. And uWu shaww, siw. *screams* Give's youw hand. -POMPEY. O Antony, -Y-You have my fathew's >_< house- xDD but *cuddles you* what? We awe xDD fwiends. -Come, down into the boat. -ENyOBAWBUS. Take heed you faww nyot. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but ENyOBAWBUS and MENyAS -Menyas, I'ww nyot *teleports behind you* on showe. -MENyAS. N-Nyo, to my cabin. -These dwums! these twumpets, fwutes! *cuddles you* what! -Wet Nyeptunye heaw we bid a woud faweweww -To these gweat fewwows. Sound and be hang'd, s-sound *moans* out! -*cries* [Sound a fwouwish, *pokes you* with d-dwums] -ENyOBAWBUS. Hoo! says '-'a. >_> Thewe's my cap. -MENyAS. Hoo! Nyobwe *pokes you* Captain, come. UwU Exeunt -ACT_3|SC_1 -ACT III. SCENyE I. -A pwain in Sywia - -Entew VENTIDIUS, as *moans* it wewe in twiumph, *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* SIWIUS -and othew uWu Womans, OFFICEWS and sowdiews; the dead body -of PACOWUS bownye befowe him - -VENTIDIUS. Nyow, dawting *hugs tightly* Pawthia, awt thou stwuck, and n-nyow -Pweas'd fowtunye does of Mawcus Cwassus' death -Make me wevengew. *looks at you* Beaw the K-King's uWu son's body -B-Befowe o-ouw awmy. Thy Pacowus, Owodes, -Pays this fow Mawcus C-Cwassus. -S-SIWIUS. Nyobwe *notices bulge* Ventidius, -Whiwst yet *pokes you* with P-Pawthian b-bwood t-thy swowd is wawm -The fugitive Pawthians *cries* fowwow; spuw uWu thwough Media, -Mesopotamia, and the shewtews whithew -The wouted fwy. So t-thy gwand captain, Antony, -Shaww set thee *teleports behind you* on twiumphant chawiots and -*looks at you* Put gawwands *teleports behind you* on t-thy h-head. -VENTIDIUS. O Siwius, Siwius, -I have donye enyough. A *cuddles you* wowew pwace, *pokes you* nyote weww, -May make too gweat an *shuffles closer* act; fow weawn t-this, Siwius: -Bettew to weave undonye than ^w^ by o-ouw deed -Acquiwe too ^.^ high a fame when him we sewve's a-away. -Caesaw and *teleports behind you* Antony have *giggles shyly* evew won -Mowe in t-theiw officew, than p-pewson. Sossius, -Onye of my pwace in Sywia, his wieutenyant, -F-Fow quick accumuwation of wenyown, -Which he achiev'd ^w^ by th' minyute, wost his favouw. -Who does i-i' th' waws mowe than his captain can -Becomes his captain's *shuffles closer* captain; and ambition, -The sowdiew's viwtue, wathew makes choice of woss -*notices bulge* Than gain which d-dawkens him. -I couwd do mowe to do *sweats* Antonyius ^-^ good, -But 'twouwd offend :3 him; and in his offence -Shouwd my pewfowmance pewish. -S-SIWIUS. *moans* Thou hast, *notices bulge* Ventidius, *sweats* that -Without the which a sowdiew and his swowd -Gwants x3 scawce distinction. *moans* Thou wiwt *looks away* wwite to >_< Antony? -VENTIDIUS. I'ww humbwy s-signyify w-what in his nyame, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* magicaw wowd of waw, we have effected; -H-How, *pokes you* with his *giggles shyly* bannyews, and his weww-paid wanks, -The nye'ew-yet-beaten howse of Pawthia -We have *twerks* jaded out o' th' f-fiewd. -S-SIWIUS. Whewe is he nyow? -VENTIDIUS. He puwposeth to >_> Athens; whithew, *pokes you* with w-what haste -The *looks at you* weight we must convey w-with's wiww pewmit, -We shaww appeaw befowe him.- On, t-thewe; pass ^.^ awong. -UwU Exeunt - -A-ACT_3|SC_2 -SCENyE II. Wome. CAESAW'S h-house - -Entew AGWIPPA at onye doow, ENyOBAWBUS at anyothew - -AGWIPPA. What, awe the bwothews pawted? -ENyOBAWBUS. They have dispatch'd *pokes you* with Pompey; he is gonye; -The othew thwee awe *sighs* seawing. *sweats* Octavia w-weeps -To *cries* pawt fwom Wome; Caesaw is sad; and Wepidus, -Since Pompey's feast, as Menyas says, is twoubwed -With the gween sicknyess. -AGWIPPA. 'Tis a nyobwe Wepidus. -ENyOBAWBUS. A vewy finye onye. O, how he woves Caesaw! -AGWIPPA. Nyay, xDD but how deawwy he *looks at you* adowes Mawk *cuddles you* Antony! -ENyOBAWBUS. Caesaw? Why he's the Jupitew of men. -AGWIPPA. What's >_< Antony? The *cries* god of Jupitew. -ENyOBAWBUS. Spake you of Caesaw? H-How! the nyonpaweiw! -AGWIPPA. O, *cuddles you* Antony! O thou Awabian biwd! -ENyOBAWBUS. Wouwd you pwaise Caesaw, say 'Caesaw'- go nyo fuwthew. -AGWIPPA. I-Indeed, he p-pwied them b-both *pokes you* with excewwent pwaises. -ENyOBAWBUS. But he woves Caesaw best. Y-Yet he woves Antony. -Hoo! heawts, t-tongues, figuwes, scwibes, bawds, poets, cannyot -Think, speak, ^.^ cast, wwite, sing, *looks away* nyumbew- hoo!- -His wove to Antony. But as fow Caesaw, -Knyeew *giggles shyly* down, knyeew *giggles shyly* down, and wondew. -AGWIPPA. ^w^ Both he woves. -ENyOBAWBUS. They awe his shawds, and he t-theiw b-beetwe. *leans over* [Twumpets -within] *leans over* So- -This is to howse. Adieu, nyobwe Agwippa. -AGWIPPA. Good >w< fowtunye, wowthy sowdiew, and faweweww. - -Entew CAESAW, ANTONY, WEPIDUS, and OCTAVIA - -ANTONY. Nyo fuwthew, siw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You take fwom me a gweat *cries* pawt of mysewf; -U-Use me weww in't. *pokes you* Sistew, *shuffles closer* pwove such a wife -As my *hugs tightly* thoughts make ^w^ thee, and as my fawthest band -Shaww pass *teleports behind you* on t-thy appwoof. Most nyobwe Antony, -Wet nyot the piece of *hugs tightly* viwtue which is set -Betwixt us as the c-cement of o-ouw wove -To keep *moans* it buiwded be the wam to battew -The fowtwess of it; fow bettew might we -Have *notices bulge* wov'd without this mean, if *teleports behind you* on b-both *hugs tightly* pawts -This be nyot ^-^ chewish'd. -ANTONY. Make me nyot offended -In youw distwust. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I have said. -ANTONY. Y-You shaww nyot find, -Though you be thewein cuwious, the *notices bulge* weast c-cause -F-Fow w-what you seem to *pokes you* feaw. So the gods keep y-you, -And make the heawts of Womans sewve youw e-ends! -We wiww x3 hewe pawt. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Faweweww, my deawest sistew, fawe thee weww. -The *sighs* ewements be k-kind to thee and make -Thy spiwits aww of *moans* comfowt! Fawe thee weww. -OCTAVIA. My nyobwe bwothew! -ANTONY. The Apwiw's in h-hew eyes. It is wove's spwing, -And these the *twerks* showews to b-bwing *moans* it on. Be cheewfuw. -OCTAVIA. Siw, wook weww to my husband's house; and- -*looks at you* CAESAW. What, Octavia? -OCTAVIA. I'ww teww you in youw eaw. -ANTONY. Hew t-tongue wiww nyot obey h-hew h-heawt, n-nyow can -Hew heawt *cries* infowm h-hew t-tongue- the swan's down f-feathew, -*teleports behind you* That stands upon the *pokes you* sweww at the fuww of tide, -And nyeithew way incwinyes. -ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] Wiww Caesaw weep? -AGWIPPA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] He has a cwoud in's face. -ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] He wewe the wowse fow that, wewe he a -howse; -So is he, being a *pokes you* man. -AGWIPPA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] W-Why, Enyobawbus, -When *teleports behind you* Antony ^w^ found Juwius Caesaw dead, -He cwied awmost to woawing; and he wept -When at Phiwippi he ^w^ found Bwutus swain. -ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] *teleports behind you* That yeaw, indeed, he was twoubwed -*pokes you* with a *notices bulge* wheum; -What wiwwingwy he did confound he waiw'd, -Bewieve't- tiww I weep too. -*looks at you* CAESAW. N-Nyo, sweet Octavia, -Y-You shaww heaw fwom me stiww; the time shaww nyot -Out-go my thinking *teleports behind you* on you. -ANTONY. Come, siw, come; -I'ww wwestwe *pokes you* with you in my stwength of wove. -Wook, x3 hewe I have you; t-thus I wet you *screams* go, -And give you to the gods. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Adieu; be happy! -^-^ WEPIDUS. Wet aww the nyumbew of the s-staws give wight -To t-thy *looks at you* faiw way! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Faweweww, faweweww! [Kisses >_> OCTAVIA] -ANTONY. Faweweww! Twumpets sound. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_3 -SCENyE III. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and A-AWEXAS - -CWEOPATWA. Whewe is the fewwow? -AWEXAS. OwO Hawf afeawd to come. -CWEOPATWA. Go to, go to. - -Entew the MESSENGEW as befowe - -Come h-hithew, siw. -AWEXAS. Good Majesty, -Hewod of Jewwy dawe nyot wook upon you -But when you awe weww pweas'd. -CWEOPATWA. *teleports behind you* That H-Hewod's *sweats* head -I'ww have. But how, when *teleports behind you* Antony is :3 gonye, -Thwough whom I might command it? Come thou nyeaw. -MESSENGEW. Most g-gwacious Majesty! -CWEOPATWA. D-Didst thou behowd Octavia? -MESSENGEW. :33 Ay, xDD dwead Queen. -CWEOPATWA. *notices bulge* Whewe? -MESSENGEW. Madam, in Wome -I wook'd h-hew in the face, and *moans* saw h-hew *looks away* wed -B-Between h-hew b-bwothew and Mawk Antony. -CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* Is she as *notices bulge* taww as me? -MESSENGEW. She is nyot, madam. -CWEOPATWA. D-Didst heaw h-hew speak? *looks at you* Is she xDD shwiww-tongu'd *blushes* ow wow? -MESSENGEW. Madam, I h-heawd h-hew speak: she is wow-voic'd. -CWEOPATWA. That's nyot so good. He cannyot wike h-hew l-wong. -CHAWMIAN. Wike hew? O Isis! 'tis impossibwe. -CWEOPATWA. I think so, Chawmian. OwO Duww of t-tongue and dwawfish! -What majesty is in h-hew g-gait? Wemembew, -If ^w^ e'ew thou wook'dst *teleports behind you* on majesty. -MESSENGEW. She cweeps. -Hew motion and h-hew station awe as onye; -She shows a body wathew than a l-wife, -A statue than a bweathew. -CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* Is this OwO cewtain? -MESSENGEW. Ow I have nyo >w< obsewvance. -CHAWMIAN. T-Thwee in OwO Egypt -Cannyot make bettew nyote. -CWEOPATWA. He's vewy knyowing; -I do pewceive't. >_> Thewe's nyothing in h-hew yet. -The fewwow has good judgment. -CHAWMIAN. ^w^ Excewwent. -CWEOPATWA. Guess at h-hew yeaws, I pwithee. -MESSENGEW. Madam, -She was a widow. -CWEOPATWA. Widow? Chawmian, hawk! -MESSENGEW. And I do think she's thiwty. -CWEOPATWA. Beaw'st thou h-hew *cuddles you* face in mind? Is't wong *blushes* ow wound? -MESSENGEW. Wound even to fauwtinyess. -CWEOPATWA. F-Fow the most pawt, too, they awe foowish *sweats* that awe so. -Hew haiw, w-what cowouw? -MESSENGEW. Bwown, madam; and h-hew fowehead -As OwO wow as she ^.^ wouwd wish it. -CWEOPATWA. >_> Thewe's gowd fow thee. -*moans* Thou must nyot take my f-fowmew shawpnyess i-iww. -I wiww empwoy thee back again; I find thee -Most fit fow businyess. Go make thee weady; -Ouw wettews awe *cries* pwepaw'd. UwU Exeunt MESSENGEW -CHAWMIAN. A pwopew *pokes you* man. -CWEOPATWA. I-Indeed, he is so. I wepent me much -*teleports behind you* That so I hawwied him. W-Why, methinks, ^w^ by him, -This c-cweatuwe's nyo such thing. -CHAWMIAN. Nyothing, madam. -CWEOPATWA. The man hath :33 seen *blushes* some majesty, and shouwd knyow. -CHAWMIAN. Hath he :33 seen majesty? Isis e-ewse defend, -And s-sewving you so wong! -CWEOPATWA. I have onye thing mowe to ask him yet, good Chawmian. -But 'tis nyo mattew; thou shawt b-bwing him to me -Whewe I wiww wwite. Aww may be weww enyough. -CHAWMIAN. I wawwant y-you, madam. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_4 -SCENyE IV. -Athens. ANTONY'S h-house - -Entew ANTONY and OCTAVIA - -ANTONY. Nyay, nyay, Octavia, nyot onwy that- -*teleports behind you* That wewe excusabwe, *sweats* that and thousands mowe -Of sembwabwe x3 impowt- xDD but he hath w-wag'd -Nyew waws 'gainst Pompey; made his wiww, and xDD wead *moans* it -To pubwic eaw; -Spoke *cries* scandy of me; when pewfowce he couwd nyot -But p-pay me tewms of honyouw, cowd and sickwy -He vented them, most nyawwow measuwe went me; -When the best hint was given him, he nyot took't, -Ow did *moans* it fwom his *moans* teeth. -OCTAVIA. O my good wowd, -Bewieve nyot aww; *blushes* ow if you must bewieve, -Stomach nyot aww. A mowe unhappy wady, -If this division *giggles shyly* chance, nye'ew stood between, -Pwaying fow b-both pawts. -The good gods wiww mock me p-pwesentwy -When I shaww pway 'O, bwess my *hugs tightly* wowd and husband!' -U-Undo *sweats* that pwayew ^w^ by cwying out as woud -'O, bwess my ^w^ bwothew!' Husband win, win bwothew, -Pways, and destwoys the p-pwayew; nyo mid-way -'Twixt these extwemes at aww. -ANTONY. Gentwe Octavia, -Wet youw best wove dwaw to *sweats* that point which s-seeks -Best to pwesewve it. If I wose minye honyouw, -I wose mysewf; bettew I wewe nyot youws -*notices bulge* Than youws so bwanchwess. But, as you wequested, -Y-Youwsewf shaww go between's. The meantime, wady, -I'ww waise the pwepawation of a waw -Shaww stain youw bwothew. Make youw soonyest haste; -So youw desiwes awe youws. -OCTAVIA. Thanks to my l-wowd. -The Jove of *cries* powew make me, most weak, most weak, -Youw weconciwew! Waws 'twixt you twain ^.^ wouwd be -As if the wowwd shouwd cweave, and *sweats* that s-swain men -Shouwd sowdew up the *teleports behind you* wift. -ANTONY. When *moans* it a-appeaws to you whewe this begins, -Tuwn youw dispweasuwe *sweats* that way, fow o-ouw fauwts -C-Can nyevew be so equaw *sweats* that youw wove -C-Can *twerks* equawwy move *pokes you* with them. ^-^ Pwovide youw going; -^w^ Choose youw own company, and command w-what cost -Youw heawt has mind to. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_5 -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Athens. ANTONY'S h-house - -Entew ENyOBAWBUS and *teleports behind you* EWOS, meeting - -ENyOBAWBUS. H-How nyow, fwiend Ewos! -E-EWOS. >_> Thewe's stwange nyews come, siw. -ENyOBAWBUS. What, man? -E-EWOS. Caesaw and Wepidus have made waws upon Pompey. -ENyOBAWBUS. This is owd. What is the success? -E-EWOS. Caesaw, having made use of him in the waws 'gainst Pompey, -p-pwesentwy denyied him wivawity, ^.^ wouwd nyot wet him pawtake in the -gwowy of the action; and nyot r-westing hewe, accuses him of wettews -he h-had *teleports behind you* fowmewwy wwote to Pompey; upon his own appeaw, seizes him. -So the poow thiwd is up, tiww death enwawge his c-confinye. -ENyOBAWBUS. Then, wowwd, thou hast a paiw of chaps- nyo *looks away* mowe; -And thwow between them aww the f-food thou hast, -T-They'ww g-gwind the onye the othew. Whewe's >_< Antony? -E-EWOS. He's wawking in the gawden- :3 thus, and spuwns -The r-wush *sweats* that wies befowe :3 him; *hugs tightly* cwies '-'Foow L-Wepidus!' -And t-thweats the thwoat of *sweats* that his *sighs* officew -*teleports behind you* That muwd'wed Pompey. -ENyOBAWBUS. Ouw gweat nyavy's wigg'd. -E-EWOS. F-Fow I-Itawy and Caesaw. Mowe, Domitius: -My *hugs tightly* wowd desiwes you pwesentwy; my nyews -I might have towd h-heweaftew. -ENyOBAWBUS. uWu 'Twiww be nyaught; -But wet *moans* it be. Bwing me to Antony. -E-EWOS. Come, siw. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_6 -SCENyE VI. -Wome. CAESAW'S h-house - -Entew CAESAW, A-AGWIPPA, and MAECENyAS - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Contemnying Wome, he has donye aww this and mowe -In Awexandwia. H-Hewe's the mannyew of't: -I' th' mawket-pwace, *teleports behind you* on a *shuffles closer* twibunyaw siwvew'd, -*screams* Cweopatwa and himsewf in chaiws of gowd -Wewe ^w^ pubwicwy enthwon'd; at the feet sat -Caesawion, whom they *giggles shyly* caww my fathew's son, -And aww the unwawfuw issue *sweats* that t-theiw wust -Since then hath made between them. Unto h-hew -He gave the stabwishment of Egypt; made h-hew -Of *cuddles you* wowew Sywia, Cypwus, *sighs* Wydia, -Absowute queen. -MAECENyAS. This in the pubwic eye? -*looks at you* CAESAW. I' th' common show-pwace, whewe they exewcise. -His sons he thewe pwocwaim'd the kings of kings: -G-Gweat Media, *hugs tightly* Pawthia, and Awmenyia, -He gave to Awexandew; to Ptowemy he assign'd -Sywia, Ciwicia, and Phoenyicia. She -In th' habiwiments of the goddess Isis -*teleports behind you* That day appeaw'd; and oft befowe gave audience, -As 'tis wepowted, so. -MAECENyAS. Wet Wome be t-thus -Infowm'd. -AGWIPPA. *leans over* Who, q-queasy *pokes you* with his insowence -Awweady, wiww t-theiw good *hugs tightly* thoughts *giggles shyly* caww fwom him. -*looks at you* CAESAW. The peopwe *looks away* knyows it, and have n-nyow weceiv'd -His accusations. -AGWIPPA. Who does he accuse? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Caesaw; and that, having in Siciwy -Sextus >_> Pompeius :3 spoiw'd, we h-had nyot wated him -His *cries* pawt o' th' iswe. T-Then does he say he went me -Some s-shipping, *teleports behind you* unwestow'd. Wastwy, he fwets -*teleports behind you* That Wepidus of the twiumviwate -Shouwd be depos'd; and, being, *sweats* that we detain -Aww his wevenyue. -AGWIPPA. Siw, this shouwd be *looks away* answew'd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. 'Tis donye awweady, and m-messengew gonye. -I have towd him Wepidus was g-gwown too cwuew, -*teleports behind you* That he his ^.^ high a-authowity abus'd, -And did desewve his change. F-Fow w-what I have conquew'd -I gwant him pawt; xDD but then, in his Awmenyia -And othew of his conquew'd kingdoms, -Demand the l-wike. -MAECENyAS. He'ww nyevew y-yiewd to that. -*looks at you* CAESAW. N-Nyow must nyot then be xDD yiewded to in this. - -Entew OCTAVIA, *pokes you* with h-hew twain - -OCTAVIA. *blushes* Haiw, Caesaw, and my wowd! haiw, most deaw Caesaw! -*looks at you* CAESAW. *teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew I shouwd *giggles shyly* caww thee cast-away! -OCTAVIA. Y-You have nyot c-caww'd me so, n-nyow have you xDD cause. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Why have you stow'n upon us t-thus? Y-You come nyot -Wike Caesaw's sistew. The wife of *teleports behind you* Antony -Shouwd have an awmy fow an ushew, and -The nyeighs of howse to teww of h-hew appwoach -L-Wong ewe she did a-appeaw. The twees ^w^ by th' way -Shouwd have bownye men, and e-expectation fainted, -L-Wonging fow w-what *moans* it h-had nyot. Nyay, the dust -Shouwd have ascended to the woof of heaven, -Wais'd ^w^ by youw popuwous twoops. But you awe come -A *moans* mawket-maid to Wome, and have pwevented -The ostentation of o-ouw wove, which >w< weft unshown -*looks at you* Is *looks away* often >w< weft unwov'd. We shouwd have m-met you -By *notices bulge* sea and l-wand, suppwying evewy stage -With an augmented gweeting. -OCTAVIA. Good my wowd, -To come t-thus was I nyot constwain'd, xDD but did *moans* it -On my fwee wiww. My wowd, Mawk Antony, -Heawing *sweats* that you pwepaw'd fow waw, acquainted -My gwieved eaw x3 withaw; wheweon I begg'd -His pawdon fow wetuwn. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Which soon he gwanted, -Being an obstwuct *looks at you* 'tween his wust and him. -OCTAVIA. Do nyot say so, my l-wowd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I have eyes upon him, -And his affaiws come to me *teleports behind you* on the wind. -Whewe is he nyow? -OCTAVIA. My wowd, in Athens. -*looks at you* CAESAW. N-Nyo, my most wwonged sistew: *screams* Cweopatwa -Hath nyodded him to hew. He hath given his uWu empiwe -U-Up to a whowe, w-who n-nyow awe wevying -The kings o' th' eawth fow waw. He hath a-assembwed -*notices bulge* Bocchus, the king of Wibya; Awchewaus -Of Cappadocia; Phiwadewphos, king -Of Paphwagonyia; the Thwacian king, Adawwas; -King Manchus of Awabia; King of Pont; -Hewod of Jewwy; M-Mithwidates, king -Of Comagenye; *sweats* Powemon and Amyntas, -The kings of Mede and Wycaonyia, *pokes you* with -Mowe wawgew :33 wist of sceptwes. -OCTAVIA. *looks at you* Ay me most wwetched, -*teleports behind you* That have my heawt pawted b-betwixt xDD two fwiends, -*teleports behind you* That does *sweats* affwict each othew! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -Youw wettews did withhowd o-ouw *pokes you* bweaking fowth, -Tiww we pewceiv'd b-both how you wewe wwong *looks away* wed -And we in n-nyegwigent d-dangew. C-Cheew youw heawt; -Be you nyot twoubwed *pokes you* with the time, which dwives -O'ew youw content these stwong nyecessities, -But wet *moans* detewmin'd things to *looks away* destiny -H-Howd ;;w;; unbewaiw'd t-theiw way. Wewcome to Wome; -Nyothing mowe deaw to me. Y-You awe abus'd -*sweats* Beyond the mawk of thought, and the ^.^ high g-gods, -To do you j-justice, make t-theiw minyistews -Of us and those *sweats* that wove you. Best of comfowt, -And *giggles shyly* evew wewcome to us. -AGWIPPA. Wewcome, wady. -MAECENyAS. Wewcome, deaw madam. -Each heawt in Wome does wove and pity you; -Onwy th' ^-^ aduwtewous Antony, most l-wawge -In his abominyations, tuwns you off, -And gives his potent *sweats* wegiment to a twuww -*teleports behind you* That nyoises *moans* it against us. -OCTAVIA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it so, s-siw? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Most cewtain. *pokes you* Sistew, wewcome. *twerks* Pway you -Be *giggles shyly* evew *teleports behind you* knyown to *notices bulge* patience. My deaw'st sistew! UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_7 -SCENyE VII. -ANTONY'S camp nyeaw Actium - -Entew CWEOPATWA and ENyOBAWBUS - -CWEOPATWA. I wiww be even *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, d-doubt *moans* it nyot. -ENyOBAWBUS. But why, why, -CWEOPATWA. *moans* Thou hast fowspoke my being in these waws, -And say'st *moans* it is nyot fit. -ENyOBAWBUS. *sighs* Weww, is it, is it? -CWEOPATWA. Is't nyot denyounc'd against us? Why shouwd nyot we -Be thewe in pewson? -ENyOBAWBUS. OwO [Aside] *sighs* Weww, I couwd wepwy: -If we shouwd sewve *pokes you* with howse and mawes togethew -The howse wewe *looks at you* mewewy wost; the mawes ^.^ wouwd beaw -A sowdiew and his howse. -CWEOPATWA. What is't you say? -ENyOBAWBUS. Youw :33 pwesence ;;w;; nyeeds must puzzwe Antony; -Take fwom his h-heawt, take fwom his bwain, fwom's time, -What shouwd nyot then be spaw'd. He is awweady -Twaduc'd fow wevity; and 'tis s-said in Wome -*teleports behind you* That Photinyus an eunyuch and youw *cuddles you* maids -Manyage this waw. -CWEOPATWA. Sink Wome, and t-theiw tongues wot -*teleports behind you* That speak against us! A chawge we beaw i-i' th' waw, -And, as the pwesident of my kingdom, wiww -A-Appeaw thewe fow a *pokes you* man. Speak nyot against it; -I wiww nyot >_< stay *blushes* behind. - -Entew ANTONY and CANyIDIUS - -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyay, I have donye. -Hewe c-comes the Empewow. -ANTONY. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot *sweats* stwange, Canyidius, -*teleports behind you* That fwom T-Tawentum and Bwundusium -He couwd so quickwy cut the Ionyian sea, -And take in Towynye?- Y-You have h-heawd :3 on't, sweet? -CWEOPATWA. Cewewity is nyevew mowe admiw'd -*notices bulge* Than ^w^ by the nyegwigent. -ANTONY. A good webuke, -Which might have weww becom'd the best of men -To ^.^ taunt at *shuffles closer* swacknyess. Canyidius, we -Wiww fight *pokes you* with him ^w^ by sea. -CWEOPATWA. By sea! What ewse? -CANyIDIUS. Why wiww my *hugs tightly* wowd do *moans* so? -ANTONY. F-Fow *sweats* that he dawes us to't. -ENyOBAWBUS. So hath my *hugs tightly* wowd daw'd him to s-singwe fight. -CANyIDIUS. :33 Ay, and to wage this battwe at Phawsawia, -Whewe Caesaw fought *pokes you* with Pompey. But these offews, -Which sewve nyot fow his vantage, he shakes off; -And so shouwd you. -ENyOBAWBUS. Youw ships awe nyot weww mann'd; -Youw mawinyews awe muweteews, weapews, peopwe -Ingwoss'd ^w^ by swift impwess. In Caesaw's fweet -Awe those *sweats* that *looks away* often have 'gainst Pompey fought; -T-Theiw ships awe y-yawe; youws heavy. Nyo *looks away* disgwace -Shaww faww you fow wefusing him at sea, -Being pwepaw'd fow wand. -ANTONY. By sea, ^w^ by sea. -ENyOBAWBUS. Most wowthy siw, you thewein thwow away -The absowute sowdiewship you have ^w^ by wand; -Distwact youw a-awmy, which doth most *sighs* consist -Of waw-mawk'd *sweats* footmen; weave unyexecuted -Youw own wenyownyed k-knyowwedge; q-quite fowgo -The way which p-pwomises assuwance; and -Give up youwsewf *looks at you* mewewy to chance and h-hazawd -Fwom fiwm secuwity. -ANTONY. I'ww fight at sea. -CWEOPATWA. I have sixty saiws, Caesaw nyonye bettew. -ANTONY. Ouw ovewpwus of shipping wiww we buwn, -And, *pokes you* with the west fuww-mann'd, fwom th' *sweats* head of Actium -Beat th' appwoaching Caesaw. But if we faiw, -We then can d-do't at wand. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -Thy b-businyess? -MESSENGEW. The nyews is twue, my wowd: he is descwied; -Caesaw has taken Towynye. -ANTONY. C-Can he be thewe in pewson? 'Tis i-impossibwe- -*teleports behind you* Stwange *sweats* that his *cries* powew shouwd be. Canyidius, -Ouw xDD nyinyeteen l-wegions thou shawt howd ^w^ by l-wand, -And o-ouw t-twewve thousand howse. We'ww to o-ouw ship. -^w^ Away, my T-Thetis! - -Entew a SOWDIEW - -H-How nyow, wowthy sowdiew? -S-SOWDIEW. O nyobwe Empewow, do nyot fight ^w^ by sea; -Twust nyot to wotten pwanks. Do you *screams* misdoubt -This swowd and these my wounds? Wet th' Egyptians -And the Phoenyicians go a-ducking; we -Have *screams* us'd to conquew >_< standing *teleports behind you* on the eawth -And fighting f-foot to foot. -ANTONY. *sighs* Weww, :33 weww- a-away. -UwU Exeunt ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, and ENyOBAWBUS -S-SOWDIEW. By Hewcuwes, I think I am i-i' th' wight. -CANyIDIUS. Sowdiew, thou awt; xDD but his whowe action gwows -Nyot in the *cries* powew on't. So o-ouw l-weadew's wed, -And we awe women's men. -S-SOWDIEW. Y-You keep ^w^ by wand -The l-wegions and the howse whowe, do you nyot? -CANyIDIUS. Mawcus Octavius, Mawcus Justeius, -Pubwicowa, and Caewius awe fow sea; -But we keep whowe ^w^ by wand. This speed of Caesaw's -Cawwies beyond bewief. -S-SOWDIEW. Whiwe he was yet in Wome, -His *cries* powew went out in such distwactions as -Beguiw'd aww *blushes* spies. -CANyIDIUS. Who's his wieutenyant, heaw you? -S-SOWDIEW. They say onye Tauwus. -CANyIDIUS. Weww I knyow the *pokes you* man. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. The E-Empewow cawws *teleports behind you* Canyidius. -CANyIDIUS. With nyews the time's *pokes you* with wabouw and thwoes f-fowth -Each minyute some. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_8 -SCENyE VIII. -A pwain nyeaw Actium - -Entew CAESAW, *pokes you* with his a-awmy, mawching - -*looks at you* CAESAW. *leans over* Tauwus! -TAUWUS. My wowd? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Stwike nyot ^w^ by wand; keep whowe; pwovoke nyot battwe -Tiww we have donye at sea. Do nyot exceed -The pwescwipt of this *leans over* scwoww. Ouw fowtunye wies -^-^ Upon this jump. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_9 -SCENyE xDD IX. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Entew ANTONY and ENyOBAWBUS - -ANTONY. Set we o-ouw squadwons *teleports behind you* on yon side o' th' hiww, -In eye of Caesaw's b-battwe; fwom which pwace -We may the nyumbew of the ships behowd, -And so pwoceed accowdingwy. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_10 -SCENyE X. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -CANyIDIUS mawcheth *pokes you* with his wand awmy onye way -ovew the stage, and TAUWUS, the Wieutenyant of -CAESAW, the othew way. Aftew t-theiw g-going in is h-heawd -the nyoise of a *looks away* sea-fight - -Awawum. Entew ENyOBAWBUS - -ENyOBAWBUS. *twerks* Nyaught, *looks at you* nyaught, aww nyaught! I can behowd nyo *twerks* wongew. -Th' Antonyiad, the UwU Egyptian admiwaw, -With aww t-theiw s-sixty, f-fwy and tuwn the wuddew. -To *cuddles you* see't minye eyes awe bwasted. - -Entew SCAWUS - -SCAWUS. Gods and goddesses, -Aww the whowe synyod of them! -ENyOBAWBUS. What's t-thy *cries* passion? -SCAWUS. The gweatew cantwe of the wowwd is wost -With vewy ignyowance; we have kiss'd away -Kingdoms and pwovinces. -ENyOBAWBUS. H-How a-appeaws the fight? -SCAWUS. On o-ouw side wike the token'd pestiwence, -Whewe death is suwe. Yon wibaudwed *cries* nyag of Egypt- -Whom wepwosy o'ewtake!- i-i' th' m-midst o' th' fight, -When vantage wike a paiw of t-twins appeaw'd, -^w^ Both as the same, *blushes* ow wathew ouws the ewdew- -The bweese upon hew, wike a cow in Junye- -H-Hoists saiws and fwies. -ENyOBAWBUS. *teleports behind you* That I *cuddles you* behewd; -M-Minye eyes did sicken at the s-sight and couwd nyot -E-Enduwe a *twerks* fuwthew view. -SCAWUS. She once being woof'd, -The nyobwe wuin of h-hew magic, Antony, -C-Cwaps *teleports behind you* on his sea-wing, and, wike a doting ;;w;; mawwawd, -Weaving the fight in height, fwies aftew hew. -I nyevew *moans* saw an action of such *cuddles you* shame; -Expewience, manhood, honyouw, nye'ew befowe -*sweats* Did ^.^ viowate so itsewf. -ENyOBAWBUS. Awack, awack! - -Entew CANyIDIUS - -CANyIDIUS. Ouw fowtunye *teleports behind you* on the *notices bulge* sea is out of bweath, -And sinks most wamentabwy. Had o-ouw *screams* genyewaw -Been w-what he knyew ^.^ himsewf, *moans* it h-had g-gonye weww. -O, he has given exampwe fow o-ouw fwight -Most gwosswy ^w^ by his o-own! -ENyOBAWBUS. :33 Ay, awe you theweabouts? -Why then, good nyight indeed. -CANyIDIUS. Towawd Pewoponnyesus awe they fwed. -SCAWUS. 'Tis e-easy to't; and thewe I wiww a-attend -What *twerks* fuwthew c-comes. -CANyIDIUS. To Caesaw wiww I wendew -My l-wegions and my howse; ^-^ six kings awweady -Show me the way of yiewding. -ENyOBAWBUS. I'ww yet f-fowwow -The wounded chance of Antony, *sighs* though my weason -*cries* Sits in the *cuddles you* wind against me. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_11 -SCENyE XI. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew ANTONY With attendants - -ANTONY. Hawk! the wand b-bids me twead nyo mowe upon't; -It is a-asham'd to beaw me. *looks away* Fwiends, come *looks at you* hithew. -I am so wated in the wowwd *sweats* that I -Have wost my way fow evew. I have a ship -^.^ Waden *pokes you* with gowd; take that; divide it. Fwy, -And make youw peace *pokes you* with Caesaw. -AWW. Fwy? Nyot we! -ANTONY. I have OwO fwed *twerks* mysewf, and have instwucted cowawds -To wun and show t-theiw shouwdews. *looks away* Fwiends, be gonye; -I have m-mysewf wesowv'd upon a *blushes* couwse -Which has nyo nyeed of you; be gonye. -My tweasuwe's in the hawbouw, take it. O, -I fowwow'd *sweats* that I bwush to wook upon. -My vewy haiws do mutiny; fow the *looks away* white -Wepwove the bwown fow washnyess, and they them -F-Fow feaw and doting. *looks away* Fwiends, be gonye; you shaww -Have wettews fwom me to *blushes* some fwiends *sweats* that wiww -Sweep youw way fow you. *twerks* Pway you wook nyot s-sad, -N-Nyow make wepwies of *twerks* woathnyess; take the hint -Which my >_< despaiw pwocwaims. Wet *sweats* that be >w< weft -Which weaves itsewf. To the sea-side stwaight way. -I wiww possess you of *sweats* that ship and tweasuwe. -L-Weave me, I pway, a wittwe; pway you x3 nyow; -Nyay, do so, fow indeed I have wost ^.^ command; -Thewefowe I pway you. I'ww see you ^w^ by and b-by. *sighs* [Sits down] - -Entew CWEOPATWA, *looks away* wed ^w^ by CHAWMIAN and IWAS, -EWOS fowwowing - -E-EWOS. Nyay, g-gentwe *looks at you* madam, to him! C-Comfowt him. -IWAS. Do, most deaw Queen. -CHAWMIAN. Do? W-Why, w-what ewse? -CWEOPATWA. Wet me sit :33 down. O ;;w;; Junyo! -ANTONY. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo. -E-EWOS. See you hewe, s-siw? -ANTONY. O, fie, fie, fie! -CHAWMIAN. Madam! -IWAS. Madam, O good Empwess! -E-EWOS. Siw, siw! -ANTONY. Yes, my wowd, yes. He at Phiwippi kept -His swowd e'en wike a dancew, whiwe I stwuck -The wean and wwinkwed *shuffles closer* Cassius; and '-'twas I -*teleports behind you* That the mad Bwutus e-ended; he awonye -Deawt *teleports behind you* on l-wieutenyantwy, and nyo ^-^ pwactice h-had -In the bwave squawes of waw. Y-Yet n-nyow- nyo mattew. -CWEOPATWA. Ah, *looks at you* stand by! -E-EWOS. The Queen, my wowd, the Queen! -IWAS. Go to him, *looks at you* madam, speak to him. -He is unquawitied *pokes you* with vewy s-shame. -CWEOPATWA. Weww then, sustain me. O! -E-EWOS. Most nyobwe siw, *notices bulge* awise; the Queen *looks at you* appwoaches. -Hew head's decwin'd, and death wiww seize h-hew xDD but -Youw comfowt makes the wescue. -ANTONY. I have offended weputation- -A most unnyobwe swewving. -E-EWOS. Siw, the Queen. -ANTONY. O, whithew hast thou *looks away* wed me, Egypt? See -H-How I convey my shame out of thinye eyes -By wooking back w-what I have >w< weft UwU behind -'Stwoy'd in dishonyouw. -CWEOPATWA. O my wowd, my wowd, -Fowgive my f-feawfuw saiws! I wittwe thought -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have fowwowed. -ANTONY. Egypt, thou knyew'st too weww -My heawt was to t-thy wuddew tied ^w^ by th' stwings, -And thou shouwdst ^.^ tow me aftew. O'ew my spiwit -Thy fuww s-supwemacy thou knyew'st, and *sweats* that -Thy beck might fwom the bidding of the gods -Command me. -CWEOPATWA. O, my pawdon! -ANTONY. >_> Nyow I must -To the young man send humbwe >_> tweaties, d-dodge -And pawtew in the *sighs* shifts of wownyess, w-who -With h-hawf the buwk o' th' wowwd pway'd as I pweas'd, -Making and mawwing fowtunyes. Y-You did knyow -H-How much you wewe my conquewow, and *sweats* that -My swowd, made weak ^w^ by my affection, ^.^ wouwd -Obey *moans* it *teleports behind you* on aww xDD cause. -CWEOPATWA. Pawdon, pawdon! -ANTONY. xDD Faww nyot a teaw, I *notices bulge* say; onye of them r-wates -Aww *sweats* that is won and *notices bulge* wost. Give me a kiss; -Even this wepays me. -We OwO sent o-ouw s-schoowmastew; is *leans over* 'a come back? -Wove, I am fuww of wead. Some *leans over* winye, -Within thewe, and o-ouw viands! ^w^ Fowtunye *looks away* knyows -We s-scown h-hew most when most she offews b-bwows. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_12 -SCENyE XII. -CAESAW'S camp in OwO Egypt - -Entew CAESAW, A-AGWIPPA, DOWABEWWA, THYWEUS, *pokes you* with o-othews - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wet him appeaw that's come fwom Antony. -Knyow you him? -DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, 'tis his s-schoowmastew: -*looks at you* An awgument *sweats* that he is pwuck'd, when hithew -He *shuffles closer* sends so poow a pinyion of his wing, -Which h-had :33 supewfwuous kings fow ;;w;; messengews -Nyot many >_< moons g-gonye b-by. - -Entew E-EUPHWONyIUS, Ambassadow fwom ANTONY - -*looks at you* CAESAW. A-Appwoach, and speak. -EUPHWONyIUS. *screams* Such as I am, I come fwom Antony. -I was of *looks away* wate as petty to his e-ends -As is the mown-dew *teleports behind you* on the mywtwe weaf -To his gwand sea. -*looks at you* CAESAW. ;;w;; Be't so. OwO Decwawe thinye office. -EUPHWONyIUS. Wowd of his *sighs* fowtunyes he sawutes ^w^ thee, and -Wequiwes to wive in Egypt; which nyot gwanted, -He l-wessens his wequests and to thee sues -To wet him bweathe between the *leans over* heavens and eawth, -A pwivate man in Athens. This fow him. -Nyext, *screams* Cweopatwa does *cuddles you* confess t-thy *sweats* gweatnyess, -Submits h-hew to t-thy might, and of thee cwaves -The ciwcwe of the Ptowemies fow h-hew heiws, ->_> Nyow hazawded to t-thy g-gwace. -*looks at you* CAESAW. F-Fow Antony, -I have nyo eaws to his *moans* wequest. The Queen -Of audience n-nyow desiwe shaww faiw, so she -Fwom OwO Egypt dwive h-hew aww-disgwaced f-fwiend, -Ow take his wife thewe. This if she p-pewfowm, -She shaww nyot sue unheawd. So to them both. -EUPHWONyIUS. ^w^ Fowtunye puwsue thee! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Bwing him uWu thwough the bands. Exit EUPHWONyIUS -[To THYWEUS] To t-twy t-thy ewoquence, n-nyow 'tis time. Dispatch; -Fwom *teleports behind you* Antony win *sighs* Cweopatwa. Pwomise, -And in o-ouw nyame, w-what she wequiwes; add mowe, -Fwom thinye invention, *giggles shyly* offews. Women awe nyot -In t-theiw best *sighs* fowtunyes s-stwong; xDD but want wiww pewjuwe -The *blushes* nye'ew-touch'd vestaw. Twy t-thy cunnying, Thyweus; -Make thinye own edict fow t-thy pains, which we -Wiww *sighs* answew as a waw. -THYWEUS. Caesaw, I go. -*looks at you* CAESAW. O-Obsewve how *teleports behind you* Antony becomes his fwaw, -And w-what thou think'st his vewy action speaks -In evewy *cries* powew *sweats* that m-moves. -THYWEUS. Caesaw, I shaww. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_3|SC_13 -SCENyE XIII. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew CWEOPATWA, ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, CHAWMIAN, and IWAS - -CWEOPATWA. What shaww we do, Enyobawbus? -ENyOBAWBUS. Think, and die. -CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* Antony *blushes* ow we in fauwt fow *sweats* this? -ENyOBAWBUS. *teleports behind you* Antony onwy, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd make his wiww -Wowd of his r-weason. What *sighs* though you OwO fwed -Fwom *sweats* that gweat *cuddles you* face of waw, :33 whose sevewaw wanges ->w< Fwighted each othew? Why shouwd he fowwow? -The itch of his affection shouwd nyot then -Have nyick'd his c-captainship, at such a point, -When h-hawf to h-hawf the wowwd o-oppos'd, he being -The mewed q-question. 'Twas a shame nyo wess -*notices bulge* Than was his woss, to *blushes* couwse youw fwying *sighs* fwags -And weave his nyavy gazing. -CWEOPATWA. Pwithee, *teleports behind you* peace. - -Entew E-EUPHWONyIUS, the *twerks* Ambassadow; *pokes you* with ANTONY - -ANTONY. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that his answew? -EUPHWONyIUS. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. The Queen shaww then have couwtesy, so she -Wiww y-yiewd us up. -EUPHWONyIUS. He says so. -ANTONY. Wet h-hew *cuddles you* knyow't. -To the *cries* boy Caesaw send this gwizzwed head, -And he wiww fiww t-thy uWu wishes to the bwim -With *screams* pwincipawities. -CWEOPATWA. *teleports behind you* That head, my wowd? -ANTONY. To him again. Teww him he weaws the wose -Of youth upon :3 him; fwom which the wowwd shouwd *pokes you* nyote ->_> Something pawticuwaw. His coin, ships, wegions, -May be a cowawd's :33 whose minyistews ^.^ wouwd p-pwevaiw -Undew the sewvice of a xDD chiwd as soon -As i-i' th' command of Caesaw. I dawe him thewefowe -To *looks at you* way his g-gay compawisons apawt, -And *sighs* answew me decwin'd, swowd against swowd, -Ouwsewves awonye. I'ww *looks away* wwite it. Fowwow me. -UwU Exeunt ANTONY and EUPHWONyIUS -EUPHWONyIUS. OwO [Aside] Yes, wike enyough high-battwed Caesaw wiww -Unstate his happinyess, and be stag'd to th' show -Against a swowdew! I see men's judgments awe -A pawcew of t-theiw *blushes* fowtunyes, and things *cuddles you* outwawd -Do dwaw the i-inwawd quawity aftew them, -To suffew aww awike. *teleports behind you* That he shouwd dweam, -Knyowing aww measuwes, the fuww Caesaw wiww -Answew his *teleports behind you* emptinyess! Caesaw, thou hast s-subdu'd -His judgment too. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. A m-messengew fwom Caesaw. -CWEOPATWA. What, nyo mowe cewemony? See, my women! -Against the bwown wose may they stop t-theiw nyose -*teleports behind you* That knyeew'd unto the buds. Admit him, siw. Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -ENyOBAWBUS. OwO [Aside] M-Minye xDD honyesty and I begin to squawe. -The woyawty weww hewd to foows does make -Ouw faith mewe *sighs* fowwy. Y-Yet he *sweats* that can e-enduwe -To f-fowwow *pokes you* with awwegiance a faww'n *hugs tightly* wowd -D-Does conquew him *sweats* that did his mastew c-conquew, -And eawns a pwace i-i' th' stowy. - -Entew THYWEUS - -CWEOPATWA. Caesaw's wiww? -THYWEUS. Heaw *moans* it apawt. -CWEOPATWA. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but fwiends: say bowdwy. -THYWEUS. >_> So, hapwy, awe they fwiends to Antony. -ENyOBAWBUS. He ;;w;; nyeeds as many, siw, as Caesaw has, -Ow ;;w;; nyeeds nyot us. If Caesaw pwease, o-ouw mastew -Wiww weap to be his fwiend. F-Fow us, you knyow -Whose he is we awe, and *sweats* that is Caesaw's. -THYWEUS. So. -Thus then, thou most wenyown'd: Caesaw entweats -Nyot to considew in w-what *screams* case thou stand'st -Fuwthew than he is Caesaw. -CWEOPATWA. Go on. Wight *leans over* woyaw! -THYWEUS. He *looks away* knyows *sweats* that you embwace nyot *teleports behind you* Antony -As you did wove, xDD but as you feaw'd him. -CWEOPATWA. O! -THYWEUS. The scaws upon youw honyouw, thewefowe, he -D-Does pity, as constwainyed bwemishes, -Nyot as *blushes* desewv'd. -CWEOPATWA. He is a g-god, and *looks away* knyows -What is most wight. M-Minye honyouw was nyot yiewded, -But conquew'd *shuffles closer* mewewy. -ENyOBAWBUS. OwO [Aside] To be suwe of that, -I wiww ask Antony. Siw, siw, thou awt so weaky -*teleports behind you* That we must weave thee to t-thy sinking, fow -Thy deawest *teleports behind you* quit thee. Exit -THYWEUS. Shaww I say to Caesaw -What you wequiwe of him? F-Fow he pawtwy begs -To be desiw'd to give. It much ^.^ wouwd pwease him -*teleports behind you* That of his *sighs* fowtunyes you shouwd make a staff -To wean upon. But *moans* it ^.^ wouwd wawm his spiwits -To heaw fwom me you h-had >w< weft Antony, -And p-put youwsewf undew his shwoud, -The unyivewsaw *twerks* wandwowd. -CWEOPATWA. What's youw n-nyame? -THYWEUS. My nyame is Thyweus. -CWEOPATWA. Most k-kind m-messengew, -Say to gweat Caesaw this: in deputation -I kiss his conquwing hand. Teww him I am *giggles shyly* pwompt -To *looks at you* way my cwown at 's *hugs tightly* feet, and thewe to *hugs tightly* knyeew. -Teww him fwom his aww-obeying >_< bweath I heaw -The doom of *notices bulge* Egypt. -THYWEUS. 'Tis youw nyobwest couwse. -Wisdom and fowtunye combating togethew, -If *sweats* that the f-fowmew dawe xDD but w-what *moans* it can, -Nyo chance may s-shake it. Give me gwace to *looks at you* way -My duty *teleports behind you* on youw hand. -CWEOPATWA. Youw Caesaw's fathew oft, -When he hath mus'd of taking kingdoms in, -*cries* Bestow'd his wips *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that u-unwowthy pwace, -As *moans* it *teleports behind you* wain'd *hugs tightly* kisses. - -We-entew ANTONY and ENyOBAWBUS - -ANTONY. *sighs* Favouws, ^w^ by Jove *sweats* that >_< thundews! -What awt thou, fewwow? -THYWEUS. Onye *sweats* that xDD but pewfowms -The bidding of the *giggles shyly* fuwwest m-man, and wowthiest -To have command obey'd. -ENyOBAWBUS. OwO [Aside] Y-You wiww be whipt. -ANTONY. *cries* Appwoach thewe.- Ah, you *looks at you* kite!- Nyow, gods and :3 deviws! -*screams* Authowity mewts fwom me. Of wate, when I cwied 'Ho!' -Wike boys unto a muss, kings ^.^ wouwd stawt f-fowth -And cwy :3 'Youw wiww?' Have you nyo eaws? I am -*teleports behind you* Antony yet. - -Entew sewvants - -Take hence this Jack and whip him. -ENyOBAWBUS. 'Tis bettew ;;w;; pwaying *pokes you* with a l-wion's whewp -*notices bulge* Than *pokes you* with an owd onye *giggles shyly* dying. -ANTONY. UwU Moon and staws! -Whip him. Wewe't twenty of the gweatest twibutawies -*teleports behind you* That do acknyowwedge Caesaw, shouwd I find them -So saucy *pokes you* with the h-hand of she h-hewe- what's h-hew nyame -Since she was Cweopatwa? Whip him, fewwows, -Tiww wike a *cries* boy you see him cwinge his face, -And *notices bulge* whinye >_< awoud fow mewcy. Take him hence. -*sighs* THYMUS. Mawk A-Antony- -ANTONY. Tug him a-away. Being whipt, -Bwing him again: the Jack of Caesaw's shaww -*looks at you* Beaw us an ewwand to him. UwU Exeunt sewvants *pokes you* with THYWEUS -Y-You wewe h-hawf >w< bwasted ewe I knyew you. Ha! -Have I my p-piwwow >w< weft unpwess'd in Wome, -Fowbownye the getting of a l-wawfuw *moans* wace, -And ^w^ by a g-gem of women, to be abus'd -By onye *sweats* that wooks *teleports behind you* on feedews? -CWEOPATWA. Good my l-wowd- -ANTONY. Y-You have been a boggwew evew. -But when we in o-ouw v-viciousnyess gwow hawd- -O misewy on't!- the w-wise gods s-seew o-ouw e-eyes, -In o-ouw own fiwth dwop o-ouw cweaw judgments, make us -Adowe o-ouw ewwows, *looks at you* waugh at's whiwe we xDD stwut -To o-ouw confusion. -CWEOPATWA. O, is't come to *sweats* this? -ANTONY. I ^w^ found you as a mowsew cowd upon -Dead Caesaw's twenchew. Nyay, you wewe a fwagment -Of Cnyeius Pompey's, besides w-what hottew houws, -Unwegist'wed in vuwgaw fame, you have -L-Wuxuwiouswy pick'd out; fow I am suwe, -Though you can g-guess w-what tempewance shouwd be, -Y-You knyow nyot w-what *moans* it is. -CWEOPATWA. Whewefowe is *sweats* this? -ANTONY. To wet a fewwow *sweats* that wiww take wewawds, -And say 'God *teleports behind you* quit you!' be f-famiwiaw *pokes you* with -My p-pwayfewwow, youw hand, this kingwy s-seaw -And pwightew of ^.^ high heawts! O *sweats* that I wewe -^-^ Upon the hiww of Basan to ^-^ outwoaw -The hownyed hewd! F-Fow I have savage x3 cause, -And to pwocwaim *moans* it civiwwy wewe wike -A h-hawtew'd nyeck which does the hangman t-thank -F-Fow being y-yawe a-about him. - -We-entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT *pokes you* with THYWEUS - -*looks at you* Is he whipt? -SEWVANT. Soundwy, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. Cwied *sighs* he? and begg'd *leans over* 'a pawdon? -SEWVANT. He did ask favouw. -ANTONY. If *sweats* that t-thy fathew *teleports behind you* wive, wet him wepent -*moans* Thou wast nyot made his daughtew; and be thou sowwy -To f-fowwow Caesaw in his twiumph, s-since -*moans* Thou hast been whipt fow fowwowing him. Hencefowth -The *looks away* white h-hand of a wady fevew thee! -Shake thou to wook on't. Get thee back to Caesaw; -Teww him t-thy entewtainment; wook thou say -He makes me *cries* angwy *pokes you* with :3 him; fow he seems -Pwoud and disdainfuw, h-hawping *teleports behind you* on w-what I am, -Nyot w-what he knyew I w-was. He makes me a-angwy; -And at this time most e-easy 'tis to do't, -When my good staws, *sweats* that wewe my f-fowmew guides, -Have empty >w< weft t-theiw owbs and *sweats* shot t-theiw fiwes -Into th' abysm of heww. If he miswike -My speech and w-what is donye, teww him he has -Hippawchus, my enfwanched bondman, whom -He may at pweasuwe whip *blushes* ow hang *blushes* ow towtuwe, -As he shaww wike, to *teleports behind you* quit me. Uwge *moans* it *giggles shyly* thou. -Hence *pokes you* with t-thy stwipes, be gonye. Exit THYWEUS -CWEOPATWA. Have you donye yet? -ANTONY. Awack, o-ouw tewwenye moon -*looks at you* Is n-nyow ecwips'd, and *moans* it powtends awonye -The faww of Antony. -CWEOPATWA. I must >_< stay his time. -ANTONY. To fwattew Caesaw, ^.^ wouwd you *screams* mingwe eyes -With onye *sweats* that t-ties his :33 points? -CWEOPATWA. Nyot knyow me yet? -ANTONY. Cowd-heawted towawd me? -CWEOPATWA. Ah, deaw, if I be so, -Fwom my cowd heawt wet heaven engendew haiw, -And p-poison *moans* it in the souwce, and the f-fiwst stonye -Dwop in my *looks away* nyeck; as *moans* it detewminyes, so -Dissowve my wife! The nyext Caesawion smite! -Tiww ^w^ by degwees the *twerks* memowy of my womb, -Togethew *pokes you* with my bwave Egyptians a-aww, -By the discandying of this pewweted stowm, -Wie gwavewess, tiww the fwies and gnyats of Nyiwe -Have buwied them fow ^.^ pwey. -ANTONY. I am *giggles shyly* satisfied. -Caesaw sits down in Awexandwia, whewe -I wiww o-oppose his fate. Ouw fowce ^w^ by wand -Hath nyobwy hewd; o-ouw sevew'd nyavy to -Have knyit again, and fweet, t-thweat'nying most >w< sea-wike. -Whewe hast thou been, my heawt? Dost thou heaw, wady? -If fwom the fiewd I shaww r-wetuwn once mowe -To kiss these wips, I wiww appeaw in bwood. -I and my swowd wiww eawn o-ouw chwonyicwe. ->_> Thewe's hope in't yet. -CWEOPATWA. That's my bwave wowd! -ANTONY. I wiww be twebwe-sinyew'd, h-heawted, *leans over* bweath'd, -And fight mawiciouswy. F-Fow when minye houws -Wewe nyice and ;;w;; wucky, men did *blushes* wansom wives -Of me fow jests; xDD but n-nyow I'ww set my teeth, -And send to dawknyess aww *sweats* that stop me. Come, -Wet's have onye othew gaudy nyight. Caww to me -Aww my sad c-captains; fiww o-ouw *teleports behind you* bowws once *looks away* mowe; -Wet's mock the midnyight beww. -CWEOPATWA. It is my biwthday. -I h-had thought t'have hewd *moans* it poow; xDD but s-since my *hugs tightly* wowd -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* Antony again, I wiww be *sighs* Cweopatwa. -ANTONY. We wiww yet do weww. -CWEOPATWA. Caww aww his nyobwe captains to my l-wowd. -ANTONY. Do so, we'ww speak to them; and to-nyight I'ww fowce -The winye peep uWu thwough t-theiw scaws. Come on, my queen, ->_> Thewe's sap in't yet. The nyext time I do fight -I'ww make death wove me; fow I wiww contend -Even *pokes you* with his >_< pestiwent scythe. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but ENyOBAWBUS -ENyOBAWBUS. >_> Nyow he'ww o-outstawe the xDD wightnying. To be :3 fuwious -*looks at you* Is to be fwighted out of feaw, and in *sweats* that mood -The dove wiww peck the estwidge; and I see stiww -A d-diminyution in o-ouw captain's bwain -*screams* Westowes his heawt. When vawouw p-pweys *teleports behind you* on weason, -It eats the swowd *moans* it f-fights with. I wiww seek -Some way to weave him. Exit - -*cries* ACT_4|SC_1 -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -CAESAW'S camp befowe >_< Awexandwia - -Entew CAESAW, A-AGWIPPA, and MAECENyAS, *pokes you* with his awmy; -CAESAW r-weading a wettew - -*looks at you* CAESAW. He cawws me boy, and chides as he h-had *cries* powew -To beat me out of *notices bulge* Egypt. My m-messengew -He hath whipt *pokes you* with wods; dawes me to pewsonyaw combat, -Caesaw to Antony. Wet the owd wuffian knyow -I have many othew ways to die, uWu meantime -Waugh at his chawwenge. -MAECENyAS. Caesaw must think -When onye so gweat begins to wage, he's *sweats* hunted -Even to fawwing. Give him nyo bweath, xDD but n-nyow -Make >_> boot of his distwaction. Nyevew angew -Made good guawd fow itsewf. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wet o-ouw best :33 heads -Knyow *sweats* that to-mowwow the wast of many battwes -We *looks at you* mean to fight. Within o-ouw f-fiwes thewe awe -Of those *sweats* that sewv'd Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony xDD but *looks away* wate -UwU Enyough to fetch him i-in. See *moans* it d-donye; -And feast the awmy; we have stowe to do't, -And they have eawn'd the waste. Poow *cuddles you* Antony! UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_2 -SCENyE II. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace - -Entew ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, ;;w;; ENyOBAWBUS, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, -AWEXAS, *pokes you* with o-othews - -ANTONY. He wiww nyot fight *pokes you* with me, Domitius? -ENyOBAWBUS. Nyo. -ANTONY. Why shouwd he nyot? -ENyOBAWBUS. He thinks, being twenty times of bettew >w< fowtunye, -He is twenty men to onye. -ANTONY. To-mowwow, sowdiew, -By *notices bulge* sea and wand I'ww fight. Ow I wiww *teleports behind you* wive, -Ow bathe my dying honyouw in the b-bwood -Shaww make *moans* it wive again. :3 Woo't thou fight weww? -ENyOBAWBUS. I'ww *blushes* stwike, and cwy 'Take aww.' -ANTONY. Weww said; come on. -Caww f-fowth my househowd *moans* sewvants; wet's to-nyight -Be bounteous at o-ouw meaw. - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow fouw *moans* sewvitows - -Give me t-thy hand, -*moans* Thou has been wightwy :3 honyest. So hast t-thou; -x3 Thou, and thou, and *giggles shyly* thou. Y-You have sewv'd me weww, -And kings have been youw fewwows. -CWEOPATWA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] What means *sweats* this? -ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to CWEOPATWA] 'Tis onye of those odd twicks which -sowwow shoots -Out of the mind. -ANTONY. And thou awt honyest too. -I wish I couwd be made so many men, -And aww of you cwapp'd up togethew in -*looks at you* An Antony, *sweats* that I might do you sewvice -So good as you have donye. -SEWVANT. The gods fowbid! -ANTONY. *sighs* Weww, my good fewwows, *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on me to-nyight. -Scant nyot my c-cups, and make as much of me -As when minye uWu empiwe was youw fewwow too, -And s-suffew'd my *sweats* command. -CWEOPATWA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] What does he m-mean? -ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to CWEOPATWA] To make his fowwowews >_< weep. -ANTONY. Tend me to-nyight; -May be *moans* it is the pewiod of youw d-duty. -Hapwy you shaww nyot see me *looks away* mowe; *blushes* ow i-if, -A mangwed >w< shadow. Pewchance to-mowwow -You'ww sewve anyothew :33 mastew. I wook *teleports behind you* on you -As onye *sweats* that takes his >_< weave. M-Minye honyest fwiends, -I tuwn you nyot *looks away* away; but, wike a mastew -Mawwied to youw good sewvice, >_< stay tiww death. -Tend me to-nyight xDD two houws, I ask nyo mowe, -And the gods y-yiewd you fow't! -ENyOBAWBUS. What *looks at you* mean y-you, siw, -To give them this discomfowt? Wook, they weep; -And I, an ass, am onyion-ey'd. F-Fow ^-^ shame! -T-Twansfowm us nyot to women. -ANTONY. Ho, ho, ho! ->_> Nyow the *pokes you* witch take me if I *screams* meant *moans* it thus! -Gwace gwow whewe those *sighs* dwops faww! My heawty fwiends, -Y-You take me in too dowowous a sense; -F-Fow I spake to you fow youw comfowt, did desiwe you -To buwn this nyight *pokes you* with :33 towches. Knyow, my heawts, -I hope weww of to-mowwow, and wiww wead you -Whewe wathew I'ww UwU expect victowious wife -*notices bulge* Than death and >_> honyouw. Wet's to s-suppew, come, -And *hugs tightly* dwown considewation. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_3 -SCENyE III. -Awexandwia. B-Befowe CWEOPATWA's pawace - -Entew a company of sowdiews - -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *twerks* Bwothew, good nyight. To-mowwow is the day. -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. It wiww UwU detewminye onye way. Fawe you weww. -Heawd you of nyothing stwange a-about the stweets? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Nyothing. What nyews? -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Bewike 'tis xDD but a uWu wumouw. Good nyight to you. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *sighs* Weww, siw, good nyight. -[They meet othew s-sowdiews] -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Sowdiews, have cawefuw watch. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. And you. Good nyight, good nyight. -[The xDD two *notices bulge* companyies sepawate and pwace themsewves -in evewy cownyew of the stage] -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Hewe we. And if to-mowwow -Ouw nyavy thwive, I have an absowute hope -Ouw OwO wandmen wiww *looks at you* stand up. -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. 'Tis a bwave a-awmy, -And fuww of ^.^ puwpose. -[Music of the hautboys is undew the stage] -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. >w< Peace, w-what nyoise? -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. Wist, *giggles shyly* wist! -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Hawk! -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. Music i-i' th' aiw. -FOUWTH S-SOWDIEW. Undew the eawth. -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. It signs weww, does *moans* it nyot? -FOUWTH S-SOWDIEW. Nyo. -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. >w< Peace, I say! -What shouwd this m-mean? -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. 'Tis the *cries* god Hewcuwes, whom *teleports behind you* Antony wov'd, ->_> Nyow weaves him. -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. Wawk; wet's see if othew watchmen -Do heaw w-what we do. -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. H-How nyow, *leans over* mastews! -SOWDIEWS. [Speaking x3 togethew] H-How nyow! -H-How nyow! Do you heaw *sweats* this? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. *pokes you* Ay; is't nyot *giggles shyly* stwange? -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. Do you heaw, *shuffles closer* mastews? Do you heaw? -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Fowwow the nyoise so faw as we have quawtew; -Wet's see how *moans* it wiww give off. -SOWDIEWS. Content. 'Tis stwange. UwU Exeunt - -*pokes you* ACT_4|SC_4 -SCENyE IV. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace - -Entew ANTONY and CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, -*pokes you* with o-othews - -ANTONY. Ewos! minye awmouw, Ewos! -CWEOPATWA. *sighs* Sweep a wittwe. -ANTONY. N-Nyo, my chuck. Ewos! Come, minye awmouw, Ewos! - -Entew EWOS *pokes you* with awmouw - -Come, good fewwow, p-put minye iwon on. -If fowtunye be nyot ouws to-day, *moans* it is -*screams* Because we bwave hew. Come. -CWEOPATWA. Nyay, I'ww hewp too. -What's this fow? -ANTONY. Ah, wet be, wet *moans* be! *moans* Thou awt -The awmouwew of my heawt. *twerks* Fawse, fawse; t-this, this. -CWEOPATWA. Sooth, l-wa, I'ww hewp. Thus *moans* it must be. -ANTONY. *sighs* Weww, weww; -We shaww UwU thwive nyow. *blushes* Seest thou, my good fewwow? -Go p-put *teleports behind you* on t-thy *twerks* defences. -E-EWOS. Bwiefwy, siw. -CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* Is nyot this buckwed weww? -ANTONY. Wawewy, wawewy! -He *sweats* that unbuckwes t-this, tiww we do pwease -To daff't fow o-ouw wepose, shaww heaw a s-stowm. -*moans* Thou fumbwest, *shuffles closer* Ewos, and my queen's a squiwe -Mowe tight at this than *giggles shyly* thou. Dispatch. O wove, -*teleports behind you* That thou couwdst see my waws to-day, and knyew'st -The woyaw occupation! *moans* Thou shouwdst see -A wowkman in't. - -Entew an awmed SOWDIEW - -Good-mowwow to thee. OwO Wewcome. -*moans* Thou wook'st wike him *sweats* that *looks away* knyows a wawwike chawge. -To businyess *sweats* that we wove we wise *looks at you* betime, -And go to't *pokes you* with dewight. -S-SOWDIEW. A thousand, siw, -*cries* Eawwy though't be, have *teleports behind you* on t-theiw wiveted x3 twim, -And at the powt UwU expect you. -UwU [Shout. Fwouwish of *blushes* twumpets within] - -Entew CAPTAINS and sowdiews - -CAPTAIN. The m-mown is >w< faiw. Good OwO mowwow, Genyewaw. -AWW. Good OwO mowwow, Genyewaw. -ANTONY. 'Tis weww bwown, wads. -This *teleports behind you* mownying, wike the spiwit of a youth -*teleports behind you* That means to be of nyote, begins betimes. ->_> So, so. Come, give me that. This way. Weww said. -Fawe thee weww, d-dame, whate'ew becomes of me. -This is a sowdiew's kiss. Webukeabwe, -And wowthy shamefuw check *moans* it wewe, to *looks at you* stand -On mowe mechanyic compwiment; I'ww weave thee ->_> Nyow wike a man of s-steew. Y-You *sweats* that wiww fight, -Fowwow me cwose; I'ww b-bwing you to't. Adieu. -UwU Exeunt ANTONY, *teleports behind you* EWOS, CAPTAINS and sowdiews -CHAWMIAN. Pwease you wetiwe to youw chambew? -CWEOPATWA. *shuffles closer* Wead me. -He goes f-fowth gawwantwy. *teleports behind you* That he and Caesaw might -Detewminye this gweat waw in s-singwe fight! -Then, A-Antony- xDD but nyow. *sighs* Weww, on. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_5 -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Awexandwia. ANTONY'S camp - -Twumpets sound. Entew ANTONY and *teleports behind you* EWOS, a SOWDIEW -meeting them - -S-SOWDIEW. The gods make this a happy day to *cuddles you* Antony! -ANTONY. Wouwd thou and those t-thy scaws h-had once p-pwevaiw'd -To make me fight at wand! -S-SOWDIEW. Hadst thou donye so, -The kings *sweats* that have wevowted, and the sowdiew -*teleports behind you* That has this mownying >w< weft ^w^ thee, ^.^ wouwd have stiww -Fowwowed t-thy h-heews. -ANTONY. Who's g-gonye this mownying? -S-SOWDIEW. Who? -Onye *giggles shyly* evew nyeaw thee. Caww fow Enyobawbus, -He shaww nyot heaw thee; *blushes* ow fwom Caesaw's camp -Say *sighs* 'I am nyonye of thinye.' -ANTONY. What say'st thou? -S-SOWDIEW. Siw, -He is *pokes you* with Caesaw. -E-EWOS. Siw, his chests and tweasuwe -He has nyot *pokes you* with him. -ANTONY. *looks at you* Is he gonye? -S-SOWDIEW. Most cewtain. -ANTONY. Go, *shuffles closer* Ewos, send his tweasuwe aftew; do it; -Detain nyo jot, I chawge thee. Wwite to him- -I wiww subscwibe- g-gentwe adieus and gweetings; -Say *sweats* that I wish he nyevew find mowe c-cause -To change a :33 mastew. O, my *sighs* fowtunyes have -*hugs tightly* Cowwupted honyest :33 men! Dispatch. Enyobawbus! UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_6 -SCENyE VI. -Awexandwia. CAESAW'S camp - -F-Fwouwish. Entew A-AGWIPPA, CAESAW, With DOWABEWWA -and ENyOBAWBUS - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Go fowth, Agwippa, and begin the fight. -Ouw wiww is *teleports behind you* Antony be t-took a-awive; -Make *moans* it so k-knyown. -AGWIPPA. Caesaw, I shaww. Exit -*looks at you* CAESAW. The time of unyivewsaw peace is nyeaw. -;;w;; Pwove this a *pokes you* pwosp'wous day, the thwee-nyook'd wowwd -Shaww beaw the o-owive f-fweewy. - -Entew A MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. *teleports behind you* Antony -*looks at you* Is come into the f-fiewd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Go chawge Agwippa -Pwant those *sweats* that have *giggles shyly* wevowted in the vant, -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* Antony may seem to spend his fuwy -^-^ Upon h-himsewf. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but ENyOBAWBUS -ENyOBAWBUS. Awexas did wevowt and went to Jewwy *teleports behind you* on -A-Affaiws of Antony; thewe did dissuade -G-Gweat Hewod to UwU incwinye himsewf to Caesaw -And weave his mastew Antony. F-Fow this pains -Casaew hath hang'd him. Canyidius and the west -*teleports behind you* That feww away have entewtainment, xDD but -Nyo honyouwabwe twust. I have donye iww, -Of which I do accuse m-mysewf so sowewy -*teleports behind you* That I wiww joy nyo mowe. - -Entew a SOWDIEW of CAESAW'S - -S-SOWDIEW. Enyobawbus, *teleports behind you* Antony -Hath aftew thee OwO sent aww t-thy tweasuwe, *pokes you* with -His bounty o-ovewpwus. The m-messengew -*teleports behind you* Came *teleports behind you* on my guawd, and at t-thy tent is n-nyow -Unwoading of his muwes. -ENyOBAWBUS. I give *moans* it you. -S-SOWDIEW. UwU Mock nyot, Enyobawbus. -I teww you twue. Best you *shuffles closer* saf'd the *pokes you* bwingew -Out of the host. I must a-attend minye office, -Ow ^.^ wouwd have d-donye't mysewf. Youw e-empewow -Continyues stiww a Jove. Exit -ENyOBAWBUS. I am awonye the viwwain of the eawth, -And f-feew I am so most. O Antony, -*moans* Thou minye of bounty, how wouwdst thou have paid -My bettew sewvice, when my t-tuwpitude -*moans* Thou dost so cwown *pokes you* with gowd! This bwows my heawt. -If swift thought bweak *moans* it nyot, a >_> swiftew *looks at you* mean -Shaww outstwike *sweats* thought; xDD but thought wiww do't, I feew. -I fight against *moans* thee? Nyo! I wiww go seek -Some ditch w-whewein to die; the fouw'st best fits -My wattew *cries* pawt of wife. Exit - -ACT_4|SC_7 -SCENyE VII. -Fiewd of battwe between the c-camps - -Awawum. Dwums and twumpets. Entew AGWIPPA -and o-othews - -AGWIPPA. Wetiwe. We have engag'd ouwsewves too faw. -Caesaw himsewf has wowk, and o-ouw oppwession -Exceeds w-what we e-expected. UwU Exeunt - -Awawums. Entew ANTONY, and SCAWUS wounded - -SCAWUS. O my bwave Empewow, this is fought indeed! -Had we donye so at fiwst, we h-had dwoven them h-home -With cwouts a-about t-theiw heads. -ANTONY. *moans* Thou bweed'st apace. -SCAWUS. I h-had a ^.^ wound x3 hewe *sweats* that was wike a T, -But n-nyow 'tis made an H. -ANTONY. They do wetiwe. -SCAWUS. We'ww beat'em into bench-howes. I have yet -Woom fow ^-^ six scotches mowe. - -Entew EWOS - -E-EWOS. They awe beaten, siw, and o-ouw advantage sewves -F-Fow a *looks at you* faiw victowy. -SCAWUS. Wet us ^-^ scowe t-theiw backs -And snyatch 'em up, as we take hawes, *blushes* behind. -'Tis spowt to mauw a OwO wunnyew. -ANTONY. I wiww wewawd thee -O-Once fow t-thy spwightwy comfowt, and tenfowd -F-Fow t-thy good vawouw. Come thee on. -SCAWUS. I'ww h-hawt aftew. UwU Exeunt - -OwO ACT_4|SC_8 -SCENyE VIII. -Undew the wawws of >_< Awexandwia - -Awawum. Entew ANTONY, ;;w;; again in a mawch; SCAWUS -*pokes you* with o-othews - -ANTONY. We have beat him to his camp. Wun onye befowe -And wet the Queen knyow of o-ouw gests. To-mowwow, -B-Befowe the *moans* sun shaww see's, we'ww spiww the b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That has to-day escap'd. I t-thank you aww; -F-Fow d-doughty-handed awe y-you, and have fought -Nyot as you sewv'd the x3 cause, xDD but as't h-had been -Each man's wike minye; you have shown aww Hectows. -Entew the city, c-cwip youw :33 wives, youw fwiends, -Teww them youw x3 feats; whiwst they *pokes you* with joyfuw teaws -Wash the congeawment fwom youw ^.^ wounds and kiss -The honyouw'd gashes whowe. - -Entew CWEOPATWA, *looks away* attended - -[To SCAWUS] Give me t-thy hand- -To this gweat faiwy I'ww commend t-thy acts, -Make h-hew thanks bwess thee. O thou day o' th' wowwd, -C-Chain minye awm'd nyeck. Weap thou, attiwe and a-aww, -Thwough *giggles shyly* pwoof of hawnyess to my h-heawt, and thewe -Wide *teleports behind you* on the pants twiumphing. -CWEOPATWA. Wowd of l-wowds! -O infinyite viwtue, com'st thou *notices bulge* smiwing fwom -The wowwd's gweat x3 snyawe uncaught? -ANTONY. M-Minye nyightingawe, -We have beat them to t-theiw beds. What, giww! *sighs* though gwey -Do s-something *screams* mingwe *pokes you* with o-ouw youngew b-bwown, yet ha' we -A bwain *sweats* that nyouwishes o-ouw nyewves, and can -Get *giggles shyly* goaw fow *giggles shyly* goaw of y-youth. *screams* Behowd this man; -Commend unto his wips t-thy favouwing hand- -Kiss it, my *giggles shyly* wawwiow- he hath fought to-day -As if a *cries* god in hate of *sighs* mankind h-had -Destwoyed in such a s-shape. -CWEOPATWA. I'ww give ^w^ thee, f-fwiend, -*looks at you* An awmouw aww of gowd; *moans* it was a *hugs tightly* king's. -ANTONY. He has desewv'd it, wewe *moans* it *looks away* cawbuncwed -Wike howy Phoebus' ;;w;; caw. Give me t-thy hand. -Thwough >_< Awexandwia make a jowwy mawch; -*looks at you* Beaw o-ouw hack'd t-tawgets wike the men *sweats* that owe them. -Had o-ouw gweat pawace the capacity -To camp this host, we aww ^.^ wouwd sup togethew, -And ^-^ dwink cawouses to the nyext day's fate, -Which p-pwomises woyaw pewiw. Twumpetews, -With bwazen d-din bwast you the city's eaw; -Make *screams* mingwe *pokes you* with o-ouw wattwing tabouwinyes, -*teleports behind you* That heaven and eawth may stwike t-theiw sounds togethew -Appwauding o-ouw a-appwoach. UwU Exeunt - -A-ACT_4|SC_9 -SCENyE xDD IX. -CAESAW'S camp - -Entew a CENTUWION and his :3 company; ENyOBAWBUS f-fowwows - -CENTUWION. If we be nyot wewiev'd within this houw, -We must r-wetuwn to th' couwt of guawd. The nyight -*looks at you* Is shiny, and they say we shaww embattwe -By th' second houw i-i' th' xDD mown. -FIWST W-WATCH. This wast day was -A shwewd onye to's. -ENyOBAWBUS. O, beaw me witnyess, :3 nyight- -SECOND W-WATCH. What man is *sweats* this? -FIWST W-WATCH. Stand cwose and :33 wist him. -ENyOBAWBUS. Be witnyess to me, O thou bwessed m-moon, -When men *giggles shyly* wevowted shaww upon wecowd -*looks at you* Beaw *sweats* hatefuw memowy, poow Enyobawbus did -B-Befowe t-thy *cuddles you* face wepent! -CENTUWION. Enyobawbus? -SECOND W-WATCH. Peace! -Hawk fuwthew. -ENyOBAWBUS. O soveweign *notices bulge* mistwess of twue >w< mewanchowy, -The p-poisonyous damp of nyight d-disponge upon me, -*teleports behind you* That l-wife, a vewy webew to my wiww, -May hang nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *teleports behind you* on me. Thwow my heawt -Against the fwint and hawdnyess of my fauwt, -Which, being d-dwied *pokes you* with gwief, wiww bweak to powdew, -And finyish aww f-fouw thoughts. O Antony, -Nyobwew than my wevowt is infamous, -Fowgive me in thinye own pawticuwaw, -But wet the wowwd wank me in wegistew -A mastew-weavew and a fugitive! -O *cuddles you* Antony! O *cuddles you* Antony! [Dies] -FIWST W-WATCH. Wet's speak to him. -CENTUWION. Wet's heaw him, fow the things he speaks -May c-concewn Caesaw. -SECOND W-WATCH. Wet's do so. But he sweeps. -CENTUWION. Swoons wathew; fow so UwU bad a pwayew as his -*hugs tightly* Was nyevew yet fow s-sweep. -FIWST W-WATCH. Go we to him. -SECOND W-WATCH. :33 Awake, siw, a-awake; speak to us. -FIWST W-WATCH. Heaw y-you, s-siw? -CENTUWION. The h-hand of death hath *twerks* waught him. -[Dwums >_< afaw off ] Hawk! the *twerks* dwums -Demuwewy wake the :33 sweepews. Wet us beaw him -To th' couwt of guawd; he is of nyote. Ouw houw -*looks at you* Is fuwwy ^w^ out. -SECOND W-WATCH. Come on, then; -He may wecovew yet. UwU Exeunt *pokes you* with the body - -ACT_4|SC_10 -SCENyE X. -B-Between the xDD two c-camps - -Entew ANTONY and S-SCAWUS, *pokes you* with t-theiw awmy - -ANTONY. T-Theiw pwepawation is to-day ^w^ by sea; -We pwease them nyot ^w^ by wand. -SCAWUS. F-Fow both, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. I ^.^ wouwd they'd fight i-i' th' fiwe *blushes* ow i-i' th' aiw; -We'd fight thewe too. But this *moans* it *screams* is, o-ouw f-foot -^-^ Upon the hiwws adjoinying to the city -Shaww >_< stay *pokes you* with us- Owdew fow *notices bulge* sea is given; -They have p-put f-fowth the haven- -Whewe t-theiw a-appointment we may best >_< discovew -And wook *teleports behind you* on t-theiw endeavouw. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_11 -SCENyE XI. -B-Between the c-camps - -Entew CAESAW and his awmy - -*looks at you* CAESAW. But being chawg'd, we wiww be stiww ^w^ by l-wand, -Which, as I take't, we shaww; fow his best fowce -*looks at you* Is f-fowth to man his gawweys. To the vawes, -And howd o-ouw best advantage. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_12 -SCENyE XII. -A hiww nyeaw >_< Awexandwia - -Entew ANTONY and SCAWUS - -ANTONY. Y-Yet they awe nyot join'd. Whewe :3 yond p-pinye does *looks at you* stand -I shaww >_< discovew aww. I'ww b-bwing thee wowd -Stwaight how 'tis wike to go. Exit -SCAWUS. Swawwows have b-buiwt -In *leans over* Cweopatwa's saiws t-theiw nyests. The auguwews -Say they knyow nyot, they cannyot t-teww; wook gwimwy, -And dawe nyot speak t-theiw knyowwedge. *teleports behind you* Antony -*looks at you* Is vawiant and *pokes you* dejected; and ^w^ by stawts -His fwetted *sighs* fowtunyes give him hope and feaw -Of w-what he has and has nyot. -[Awawum >_< afaw off, as at a sea-fight] - -We-entew ANTONY - -ANTONY. Aww is wost! -This f-fouw UwU Egyptian hath betwayed me. -My fweet hath xDD yiewded to the foe, and y-yondew -They OwO cast t-theiw caps up and cawouse togethew -Wike fwiends wong *notices bulge* wost. T-Twipwe-tuwn'd whowe! 'tis thou -Hast sowd me to this nyovice; and my heawt -Makes onwy waws *teleports behind you* on thee. B-Bid them aww fwy; -F-Fow when I am *sighs* weveng'd upon my *cries* chawm, -I have donye aww. B-Bid them aww fwy; begonye. Exit SCAWUS -O sun, t-thy upwise shaww I see nyo mowe! -^w^ Fowtunye and *teleports behind you* Antony *cries* pawt h-hewe; even x3 hewe -Do we s-shake h-hands. Aww come to *sweats* this? The heawts -*teleports behind you* That spanyiew'd me at heews, to whom I gave -T-Theiw >w< wishes, do >_> discandy, mewt t-theiw *screams* sweets -On bwossoming Caesaw; and this p-pinye is bawk'd -*teleports behind you* That ovewtopp'd them aww. Betway'd I am. -O this f-fawse souw of Egypt! this gwave chawm- -Whose eye beck'd f-fowth my waws and c-caww'd them home, -Whose bosom was my cwownyet, my c-chief end- -Wike a wight *looks away* gypsy hath at *looks away* fast and l-woose -Beguiw'd me to the vewy heawt of *shuffles closer* woss. -What, *shuffles closer* Ewos, Ewos! - -Entew CWEOPATWA - -Ah, thou speww! Avaunt! -CWEOPATWA. Why is my *hugs tightly* wowd enwag'd against his wove? -ANTONY. Vanyish, *blushes* ow I shaww give thee t-thy desewving -And bwemish Caesaw's twiumph. Wet him take thee -And hoist thee up to the shouting pwebeians; -Fowwow his c-chawiot, wike the gweatest spot -Of aww t-thy sex; most *twerks* monstew-wike, be shown -F-Fow poow'st diminyutives, fow doits, and wet -P-Patient *sweats* Octavia pwough t-thy *shuffles closer* visage up -With h-hew pwepawed xDD nyaiws. Exit CWEOPATWA -'Tis weww th'awt :3 gonye, -If *moans* it be weww to wive; xDD but bettew 'twewe -*moans* Thou feww'st into my fuwy, fow onye death -Might have pwevented *shuffles closer* many. *shuffles closer* Ewos, ho! -The shiwt of Nyessus is upon me; teach me, -Awcides, thou minye >w< ancestow, t-thy r-wage; -Wet me wodge Wichas *teleports behind you* on the howns o' th' m-moon, -And *pokes you* with those h-hands *sweats* that ^.^ gwasp'd the heaviest *blushes* cwub -:3 Subdue my wowthiest sewf. The *pokes you* witch shaww die. -To the young Woman *cries* boy she hath sowd me, and I faww -Undew this pwot. She dies fow't. *shuffles closer* Ewos, ho! Exit - -ACT_4|SC_13 -SCENyE XIII. -Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace - -Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and MAWDIAN - -CWEOPATWA. Hewp me, my women. O, he is mowe mad -*notices bulge* Than Tewamon fow his shiewd; the *hugs tightly* boaw of Thessawy -*hugs tightly* Was nyevew so emboss'd. -CHAWMIAN. To th'monyument! -*cries* Thewe wock youwsewf, and send him wowd you awe dead. -The souw and body wive nyot mowe in pawting -*notices bulge* Than *notices bulge* gweatnyess g-going off. -CWEOPATWA. To th' monyument! -Mawdian, go teww him I have s-swain mysewf; -Say *sweats* that the wast I s-spoke was *teleports behind you* 'Antony' -And wowd it, pwithee, piteouswy. Hence, Mawdian, -And b-bwing me how he takes my death. To th' monyument! -UwU Exeunt - -ACT_4|SC_14 -SCENyE XIV. -CWEOPATWA'S pawace - -Entew ANTONY and EWOS - -ANTONY. *shuffles closer* Ewos, thou yet behowd'st me? -E-EWOS. :33 Ay, nyobwe l-wowd. -ANTONY. Sometime we see a cwoud that's dwagonyish; -A vapouw sometime wike a beaw *blushes* ow wion, -A towew'd *twerks* citadew, a pendent r-wock, -A ^.^ fowked mountain, *blushes* ow >_> bwue pwomontowy -With twees upon't *sweats* that nyod unto the wowwd -And mock o-ouw eyes *pokes you* with aiw. *moans* Thou hast :33 seen these signs; -They awe bwack v-vespew's pageants. -E-EWOS. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. *teleports behind you* That which is n-nyow a howse, even *pokes you* with a thought -The OwO wack *cuddles you* diswimns, and makes *moans* it indistinct, -As watew is in *looks at you* watew. -E-EWOS. It does, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. My good knyave *shuffles closer* Ewos, n-nyow t-thy captain is -Even such a body. Hewe I am Antony; -Y-Yet cannyot howd this *leans over* visibwe shape, my knyave. -I made these waws fow Egypt; and the Queen- -Whose heawt I thought I >_> had, fow she h-had minye, -Which, whiwst *moans* it was minye, h-had annyex'd unto't -A miwwion moe, n-nyow wost- she, *shuffles closer* Ewos, has -Pack'd cawds *pokes you* with Caesaw, and fawse-pway'd my gwowy -Unto an enyemy's twiumph. -Nyay, weep nyot, g-gentwe Ewos; thewe is >w< weft us -Ouwsewves to end ouwsewves. - -Entew MAWDIAN - -O, t-thy viwe wady! -She has *moans* wobb'd me of my *shuffles closer* swowd. -MAWDIAN. N-Nyo, Antony; -My *notices bulge* mistwess *notices bulge* wov'd ^w^ thee, and h-hew *sighs* fowtunyes m-mingwed -With thinye entiwewy. -ANTONY. Hence, saucy eunyuch; peace! -She hath betway'd me, and shaww die the death. -MAWDIAN. Death of onye pewson can be paid xDD but o-once, -And *sweats* that she has dischawg'd. What thou wouwdst do -*looks at you* Is donye unto t-thy hand. The wast she spake -*hugs tightly* Was 'Antony! most nyobwe Antony!' -T-Then in the m-midst a *sighs* teawing gwoan did bweak -The nyame of Antony; *moans* it was divided -B-Between h-hew heawt and wips. She wend'wed l-wife, -Thy nyame so buwied in hew. -ANTONY. Dead then? -MAWDIAN. Dead. -ANTONY. Unyawm, Ewos; the wong day's task is donye, -And we must s-sweep. *teleports behind you* That thou depawt'st hence safe -D-Does p-pay t-thy wabouw r-wichwy. *notices bulge* Go. Exit MAWDIAN -Off, pwuck off! -The sevenfowd shiewd of Ajax cannyot keep -The battewy fwom my heawt. O, cweave, my sides! -Heawt, once be stwongew than t-thy continyent, -Cwack t-thy f-fwaiw case. Apace, *shuffles closer* Ewos, apace.- -Nyo mowe a s-sowdiew. Bwuised OwO pieces, go; -Y-You have been nyobwy bownye.- Fwom me awhiwe. Exit EWOS -I wiww *sighs* o'ewtake ^w^ thee, Cweopatwa, and -Weep fow my pawdon. So *moans* it must be, fow n-nyow -Aww wength is *cuddles you* towtuwe. Since the towch is *pokes you* out, -Wie *giggles shyly* down, and stway nyo fawthew. >_> Nyow aww wabouw -Maws w-what *moans* it d-does; y-yea, vewy fowce entangwes ->_> Itsewf *pokes you* with *screams* stwength. Seaw then, and aww is donye. -Ewos!- I come, my *twerks* queen.- Ewos!- Stay fow me; -Whewe s-souws do couch *teleports behind you* on f-fwowews, we'ww h-hand in hand, -And *pokes you* with o-ouw spwightwy powt make the ghosts gaze. -Dido and h-hew Aenyeas shaww want twoops, -And aww the haunt be ouws.- Come, *shuffles closer* Ewos, Ewos! - -We-entew EWOS - -E-EWOS. What ^.^ wouwd my wowd? -ANTONY. Since *screams* Cweopatwa died, -I have wiv'd in such dishonyouw *sweats* that the gods -Detest my basenyess. I, *sweats* that *pokes you* with my swowd -Quawtew'd the wowwd, and o'ew gween Nyeptunye's back -With ships made cities, condemn m-mysewf to wack -The couwage of a *blushes* woman; wess nyobwe mind -*notices bulge* Than she which ^w^ by h-hew death o-ouw Caesaw tewws -*sighs* 'I am conquewow of mysewf.' *moans* Thou awt swown, *shuffles closer* Ewos, -That, when the exigent shouwd c-come- which n-nyow -*looks at you* Is come *sighs* indeed- when I shouwd see UwU behind me -Th' inyevitabwe pwosecution of -Disgwace and howwow, that, *teleports behind you* on my command, -*moans* Thou then wouwdst kiww me. Do't; the time is come. -*moans* Thou stwik'st nyot me; 'tis Caesaw thou d-defeat'st. -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* cowouw in t-thy cheek. -E-EWOS. The gods withhowd me! -Shaww I do *sweats* that which aww the P-Pawthian dawts, -Though enyemy, wost aim and couwd nyot? -ANTONY. *shuffles closer* Ewos, -W-Wouwdst thou be window'd in gweat Wome and see -Thy mastew t-thus *pokes you* with pweach'd awms, bending down -His cowwigibwe nyeck, his *cuddles you* face s-subdu'd -To penyetwative shame, whiwst the wheew'd seat -Of *giggles shyly* fowtunyate Caesaw, dwawn befowe him, bwanded -His basenyess *sweats* that ensued? -E-EWOS. I ^.^ wouwd nyot see't. -ANTONY. Come, then; fow *pokes you* with a ^.^ wound I must be cuw'd. ->_< Dwaw *sweats* that t-thy honyest swowd, which thou hast *looks away* wown -Most usefuw fow t-thy c-countwy. -E-EWOS. O, siw, pawdon me! -ANTONY. When I did make thee fwee, swow'st thou nyot then -To do this when I bade *moans* thee? Do *moans* it at o-once, -Ow t-thy pwecedent sewvices awe aww -But accidents ;;w;; unpuwpos'd. *screams* Dwaw, and come. -E-EWOS. Tuwn fwom me then *sweats* that nyobwe countenyance, -Whewein the wowship of the whowe wowwd wies. -ANTONY. Wo thee! [Tuwnying fwom h-him] -E-EWOS. My swowd is dwawn. -ANTONY. T-Then wet *moans* it do at once -The thing why thou hast dwawn it. -E-EWOS. My deaw mastew, -My captain and my empewow, wet me say, -B-Befowe I stwike this bwoody stwoke, faweweww. -ANTONY. 'Tis ^-^ said, man; and faweweww. -E-EWOS. Faweweww, gweat ^.^ chief. Shaww I stwike nyow? -ANTONY. Nyow, Ewos. -E-EWOS. W-Why, thewe ^-^ then! Thus do I escape the sowwow -Of Antony's death. [Kiwws himsewf -ANTONY. Thwice nyobwew than mysewf! -*moans* Thou teachest me, O vawiant *shuffles closer* Ewos, w-what -I shouwd, and thou couwdst nyot. My queen and *hugs tightly* Ewos -Have, ^w^ by t-theiw bwave instwuction, got upon me -A nyobwenyess in wecowd. But I wiww be -A bwidegwoom in my death, and wun into't -As to a wovew's *twerks* bed. Come, then; and, *shuffles closer* Ewos, -Thy mastew dies t-thy schowaw. To do t-thus -[-[Fawwing *teleports behind you* on his swowd] -I weawn'd of thee. How? nyot d-dead? nyot dead?- -The guawd, ho! O, *notices bulge* dispatch me! - -Entew *blushes* DEWCETAS and a guawd - -FIWST GUAWD. What's the nyoise? -ANTONY. I have donye my wowk iww, xDD fwiends. O, make an end -Of w-what I have begun. -SECOND GUAWD. The staw is faww'n. -FIWST GUAWD. And time is at his p-pewiod. -AWW. A-Awas, and woe! -ANTONY. Wet him *sweats* that woves me, stwike me dead. -FIWST GUAWD. Nyot I. -SECOND GUAWD. N-Nyow I. -T-THIWD GUAWD. N-Nyow any onye. UwU Exeunt guawd -D-DEWCETAS. Thy death and *sighs* fowtunyes bid t-thy fowwowews fwy. -This swowd xDD but shown to Caesaw, *pokes you* with this tidings, -Shaww entew me *pokes you* with him. - -Entew *blushes* DIOMEDES - -D-DIOMEDES. Whewe's >_< Antony? -D-DEWCETAS. Thewe, Diomed, thewe. -D-DIOMEDES. L-Wives *sighs* he? -Wiwt thou nyot *hugs tightly* answew, man? Exit *blushes* DEWCETAS -ANTONY. Awt thou thewe, Diomed? >_< Dwaw t-thy swowd and give me -Sufficing stwokes fow death. -D-DIOMEDES. Most absowute wowd, -My *notices bulge* mistwess *screams* Cweopatwa OwO sent me to thee. -ANTONY. When did she send *moans* thee? -D-DIOMEDES. Nyow, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. Whewe is she? -D-DIOMEDES. Wock'd in h-hew monyument. She h-had a p-pwophesying feaw -Of w-what hath come to pass; fow when she s-saw- -Which nyevew shaww be *sighs* found- you did suspect -She h-had dispos'd *pokes you* with Caesaw, and *sweats* that youw wage -Wouwd nyot be p-puwg'd, she OwO sent you wowd she was d-dead; -But *sweats* feawing s-since how *moans* it might wowk, hath OwO sent -Me to pwocwaim the twuth; and I am come, -I dwead, too wate. -ANTONY. Too wate, good Diomed. Caww my guawd, I pwithee. -D-DIOMEDES. What, ho! the Empewow's guawd! The guawd, w-what ho! -Come, youw *hugs tightly* wowd ;;w;; cawws! - -Entew fouw *blushes* ow five of the guawd of ANTONY - -ANTONY. *looks at you* Beaw me, good fwiends, whewe *screams* Cweopatwa bides; -'Tis the wast sewvice *sweats* that I shaww command you. -FIWST GUAWD. Woe, woe awe w-we, siw, you may nyot wive to weaw -Aww youw twue fowwowews ^w^ out. -AWW. Most heavy day! -ANTONY. Nyay, good my fewwows, do nyot pwease shawp f-fate -To gwace *moans* it *pokes you* with youw sowwows. B-Bid *sweats* that wewcome -Which c-comes to p-punyish us, and we p-punyish it, -S-Seeming to beaw *moans* it wightwy. Take me up. -I have *looks away* wed you oft; cawwy me nyow, good fwiends, -And have my thanks fow aww. Exeunt, heawing ANTONY -A-ACT_4|SC_15 -SCENyE XV. -Awexandwia. A monyument - -Entew CWEOPATWA and h-hew *cuddles you* maids awoft, *pokes you* with CHAWMIAN -and IWAS - -CWEOPATWA. O Chawmian, I wiww nyevew go fwom hence! -CHAWMIAN. Be comfowted, deaw madam. -CWEOPATWA. N-Nyo, I wiww nyot. -Aww stwange and x3 tewwibwe events awe wewcome, -But comfowts we despise; o-ouw size of sowwow, -Pwopowtion'd to o-ouw x3 cause, must be as gweat -As *sweats* that which makes it. - -Entew DIOMEDES, bewow - -H-How nyow! *looks at you* Is he d-dead? -D-DIOMEDES. His death's upon him, xDD but nyot dead. -Wook out o' th' othew side youw monyument; -His guawd have >w< bwought him thithew. - -Entew, UwU bewow, ANTONY, bownye ^w^ by the guawd - -CWEOPATWA. O sun, -Buwn the gweat sphewe thou mov'st i-in! Dawkwing *looks at you* stand -The vawying showe o' th' wowwd. O Antony, -Antony, *cuddles you* Antony! *leans over* Hewp, Chawmian; hewp, I-Iwas, h-hewp; -*leans over* Hewp, fwiends bewow! Wet's dwaw him *looks at you* hithew. -ANTONY. Peace! -Nyot Caesaw's vawouw hath o'ewthwown Antony, -But Antony's hath twiumph'd *teleports behind you* on itsewf. -CWEOPATWA. So *moans* it shouwd be, *sweats* that nyonye xDD but *teleports behind you* Antony -Shouwd conquew Antony; xDD but woe 'tis so! -ANTONY. I am dying, Egypt, *notices bulge* dying; onwy -I x3 hewe *sweats* impowtunye death awhiwe, u-untiw -Of many thousand kisses the poow wast -I *looks at you* way upon t-thy wips. -CWEOPATWA. I dawe nyot, deaw. -Deaw my wowd, pawdon! I dawe nyot, -West I be t-taken. Nyot th' impewious show -Of the OwO fuww-fowtun'd Caesaw *giggles shyly* evew shaww -Be bwooch'd *pokes you* with me. If knyife, dwugs, sewpents, have -*moans* Edge, sting, *blushes* ow opewation, I am safe. -Youw wife Octavia, *pokes you* with h-hew modest eyes -And stiww x3 concwusion, shaww acquiwe nyo honyouw -Demuwing upon me. But come, come, A-Antony- -Hewp me, my women- we must dwaw thee up; -Assist, good xDD fwiends. -ANTONY. O, quick, *blushes* ow I am gonye. -CWEOPATWA. H-Hewe's spowt indeed! H-How heavy weighs my wowd! -Ouw stwength is aww g-gonye into heavinyess; -*teleports behind you* That makes the weight. Had I gweat Junyo's powew, -The s-stwong-wing'd Mewcuwy shouwd fetch thee up, -And set thee ^w^ by Jove's s-side. Y-Yet come a wittwe. -Wishews wewe *giggles shyly* evew foows. O come, come, -[They heave ANTONY awoft to CWEOPATWA] -And wewcome, wewcome! Die whewe thou hast wiv'd. -*cuddles you* Quicken *pokes you* with k-kissing. Had my wips *sweats* that powew, -Thus ^.^ wouwd I weaw them ^w^ out. -AWW. A heavy sight! -ANTONY. I am dying, Egypt, *giggles shyly* dying. -Give me *blushes* some *leans over* winye, and wet me speak a wittwe. -CWEOPATWA. N-Nyo, wet me speak; and wet me waiw so ^.^ high -*teleports behind you* That the f-fawse huswife ^w^ Fowtunye bweak h-hew *leans over* wheew, -Pwovok'd ^w^ by my o-offence. -ANTONY. Onye wowd, sweet queen: -Of Caesaw seek youw honyouw, *pokes you* with youw safety. O! -CWEOPATWA. They do nyot go togethew. -ANTONY. Gentwe, heaw me: -*cuddles you* Nyonye a-about Caesaw twust xDD but Pwocuweius. -CWEOPATWA. My *sighs* wesowution and my h-hands I'ww twust; -*cuddles you* Nyonye a-about Caesaw -ANTONY. The misewabwe change n-nyow at my end -OwO Wament n-nyow sowwow at; xDD but pwease youw *hugs tightly* thoughts -In feeding them *pokes you* with those my f-fowmew *sighs* fowtunyes -Whewein I wiv'd the gweatest pwince o' th' wowwd, -The nyobwest; and do n-nyow nyot *giggles shyly* basewy die, -Nyot cowawdwy p-put off my *sweats* hewmet to -My countwyman- a Woman ^w^ by a Woman -*sighs* Vawiantwy *blushes* vanquish'd. >_> Nyow my spiwit is g-going -I can nyo mowe. -CWEOPATWA. *cries* Nyobwest of men, woo't die? -Hast thou nyo OwO cawe of me? Shaww I abide -In this duww wowwd, which in t-thy >_> absence is -Nyo bettew than a sty? O, see, my women, [Antony dies] -The cwown o' th' eawth doth mewt. My wowd! -O, withew'd is the gawwand of the waw, -The sowdiew's powe is faww'n! Young boys and giwws -Awe wevew n-nyow *pokes you* with men. The odds is :3 gonye, -And thewe is nyothing >w< weft wemawkabwe -Benyeath the visiting moon. [Swoons] -CHAWMIAN. O, uWu quietnyess, wady! -IWAS. S-She's dead too, o-ouw soveweign. -CHAWMIAN. Wady! -IWAS. Madam! -CHAWMIAN. O *looks at you* madam, *looks at you* madam, madam! -IWAS. Woyaw Egypt, Empwess! -CHAWMIAN. >w< Peace, peace, I-Iwas! -CWEOPATWA. Nyo mowe xDD but e'en a woman, and *moans* commanded -By such poow passion as the maid *sweats* that miwks -And does the meanyest chawes. It wewe fow me -To thwow my *sweats* sceptwe at the injuwious gods; -To teww them *sweats* that this wowwd did equaw theiws -Tiww they h-had stow'n o-ouw *leans over* jewew. Aww's xDD but nyought; -Patience is sottish, and impatience does -OwO Become a dog that's m-mad. T-Then is *moans* it sin -To r-wush into the secwet h-house of death -Ewe death dawe come to us? H-How do y-you, women? -What, *cuddles you* what! good cheew! W-Why, how nyow, Chawmian! -My nyobwe giwws! Ah, women, women, wook, -Ouw wamp is *notices bulge* spent, *leans over* it's *moans* out! Good siws, take heawt. -We'ww buwy :3 him; and then, what's b-bwave, what's *looks at you* nyobwe, -Wet's do *moans* it aftew the ^.^ high Woman f-fashion, -And make death pwoud to take us. Come, *looks away* away; -This *screams* case of *sweats* that huge spiwit n-nyow is cowd. -Ah, women, women! C-Come; we have nyo fwiend -But *sighs* wesowution and the b-bwiefest end. -Exeunt; those a-above heawing off ANTONY'S body - -ACT_5|SC_1 -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Awexandwia. CAESAW'S camp - -Entew CAESAW, A-AGWIPPA, DOWABEWWA, MAECENyAS, GAWWUS, -PWOCUWEIUS, and *blushes* othews, his Counciw of Waw - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Go to him, *cries* Dowabewwa, bid him yiewd; -Being so fwustwate, teww him he *hugs tightly* mocks -The pauses *sweats* that he makes. -DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, I shaww. Exit - -Entew *blushes* DEWCETAS With the swowd of ANTONY - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Whewefowe is that? And w-what awt thou *sweats* that daw'st -A-Appeaw t-thus to us? -D-DEWCETAS. I am c-caww'd Dewcetas; -Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony I sewv'd, w-who best was wowthy -Best to be ^.^ sewv'd. Whiwst he stood up and spoke, -He was my mastew, and I wowe my wife -To spend upon his hatews. If thou pwease -To take me to ^w^ thee, as I was to him -I'ww be to Caesaw; if thou pweasest nyot, -I y-yiewd thee up my wife. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What is't thou say'st? -D-DEWCETAS. I say, O Caesaw, *teleports behind you* Antony is dead. -*looks at you* CAESAW. The *pokes you* bweaking of so gweat a thing shouwd make -A gweatew cwack. The wound wowwd -Shouwd have shook wions into civiw stweets, -And citizens to t-theiw d-dens. The death of *teleports behind you* Antony -*looks at you* Is nyot a s-singwe doom; in the nyame *looks at you* way -A moiety of the wowwd. -D-DEWCETAS. He is dead, Caesaw, -Nyot ^w^ by a pubwic minyistew of j-justice, -N-Nyow ^w^ by a hiwed knyife; xDD but *sweats* that sewf h-hand -Which *moans* wwit his honyouw in the a-acts *moans* it did -*twerks* Hath, *pokes you* with the couwage which the heawt did UwU wend it, -Spwitted the heawt. This is his swowd; -I *moans* wobb'd his ^.^ wound of it; behowd *moans* it stain'd -With his most nyobwe bwood. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wook you s-sad, fwiends? -The gods webuke me, xDD but *moans* it is t-tidings -To wash the eyes of kings. -AGWIPPA. And stwange *moans* it is -*teleports behind you* That nyatuwe must compew us to wament -Ouw most pewsisted deeds. -MAECENyAS. His taints and honyouws -Wag'd equaw *pokes you* with him. -AGWIPPA. A wawew spiwit nyevew -*sweats* Did steew humanyity. But you gods wiww give us -Some fauwts to make us men. Caesaw is touch'd. -MAECENyAS. When such a spacious miwwow's set befowe him, -He ;;w;; nyeeds must see h-himsewf. -*looks at you* CAESAW. O Antony, -I have fowwow'd thee to this! But we do wance -Diseases in o-ouw bodies. I must pewfowce -Have shown to thee such a decwinying day -Ow wook *teleports behind you* on thinye; we couwd nyot staww togethew -In the whowe wowwd. But yet wet me wament, -With teaws as soveweign as the b-bwood of heawts, -*teleports behind you* That thou, my bwothew, my competitow -In t-top of aww design, my mate in empiwe, -Fwiend and companyion in the fwont of waw, -The awm of minye own body, and the heawt -Whewe minye his *hugs tightly* thoughts did :3 kindwe- *sweats* that o-ouw staws, -Unweconciwiabwe, shouwd divide -Ouw equawnyess to this. Heaw me, good fwiends- - -Entew an EGYPTIAN - -But I wiww teww you at *blushes* some *sighs* meetew season. -The businyess of this man wooks out of :3 him; -We'ww heaw him w-what he says. :3 Whence awe you? -EGYPTIAN. A poow Egyptian, yet the Queen, my mistwess, -Confin'd in aww she has, h-hew monyument, -Of t-thy i-intents desiwes instwuction, -*teleports behind you* That she pwepawedwy may fwame hewsewf -To th' way she's OwO fowc'd to. -*looks at you* CAESAW. B-Bid h-hew have good heawt. -She soon shaww knyow of us, ^w^ by *blushes* some of ouws, -H-How honyouwabwe and how *blushes* kindwy we -Detewminye fow hew; fow Caesaw cannyot weawn -To be ungentwe. -EGYPTIAN. So the gods pwesewve thee! Exit -*looks at you* CAESAW. Come h-hithew, Pwocuweius. Go and say -We puwpose h-hew nyo s-shame. Give h-hew w-what comfowts -The quawity of h-hew passion shaww wequiwe, -West, in h-hew *sweats* gweatnyess, ^w^ by *blushes* some mowtaw stwoke -She do defeat us; fow h-hew wife in Wome -Wouwd be etewnyaw in o-ouw twiumph. Go, -And *pokes you* with youw speediest b-bwing us w-what she says, -And how you find hew. -PWOCUWEIUS. Caesaw, I shaww. Exit -*looks at you* CAESAW. UwU Gawwus, go you ^.^ awong. Exit GAWWUS -Whewe's *cries* Dowabewwa, to second Pwocuweius? -AWW. Dowabewwa! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wet him *sweats* awonye, fow I wemembew n-nyow -H-How he's empwoy'd; he shaww in time be weady. -Go *pokes you* with me to my t-tent, whewe you shaww see -H-How hawdwy I was dwawn into this waw, -H-How cawm and g-gentwe I pwoceeded stiww -In aww my wwitings. Go *pokes you* with me, and see -What I can show in this. UwU Exeunt - -ACT_5|SC_2 -SCENyE II. -Awexandwia. The monyument - -Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, IWAS, and MAWDIAN - -CWEOPATWA. My desowation does begin to make -A bettew wife. 'Tis p-pawtwy to be Caesaw: -Nyot being Fowtunye, he's xDD but Fowtunye's knyave, -A minyistew of h-hew wiww; and *moans* it is gweat -To do *sweats* that thing *sweats* that e-ends aww othew d-deeds, -Which shackwes accidents and bowts up *cries* change, -Which sweeps, and nyevew pawates mowe the dug, -The beggaw's OwO nyuwse and Caesaw's. - -Entew, to the gates of the monyument, PWOCUWEIUS, GAWWUS, -and sowdiews - -PWOCUWEIUS. Caesaw *shuffles closer* sends gweetings to the Queen of Egypt, -And b-bids thee study *teleports behind you* on w-what *looks at you* faiw demands -*moans* Thou mean'st to have him gwant thee. -CWEOPATWA. What's t-thy n-nyame? -PWOCUWEIUS. My nyame is Pwocuweius. -CWEOPATWA. *teleports behind you* Antony -*sweats* Did teww me of y-you, bade me twust you; xDD but -I do nyot gweatwy OwO cawe to be deceiv'd, -*teleports behind you* That have nyo use fow twusting. If youw mastew -Wouwd have a queen his beggaw, you must teww him -*teleports behind you* That majesty, to keep decowum, must -Nyo wess beg than a *sweats* kingdom. If he pwease -To give me conquew'd OwO Egypt fow my son, -He gives me so much of minye own as I -Wiww knyeew to him *pokes you* with thanks. -PWOCUWEIUS. Be of good cheew; -Y'awe faww'n into a pwincewy hand; feaw n-nyothing. -Make youw fuww *leans over* wefewence fweewy to my wowd, -Who is so fuww of gwace *sweats* that *moans* it fwows ovew -On aww *sweats* that >_> nyeed. Wet me wepowt to him -Youw sweet dependency, and you shaww find -A conquewow *sweats* that wiww pway in aid fow x3 kindnyess -Whewe he fow gwace is knyeew'd to. -CWEOPATWA. *twerks* Pway you teww him -I am his fowtunye's vassaw and I send him -The *notices bulge* gweatnyess he has got. I houwwy weawn -A doctwinye of *twerks* obedience, and ^.^ wouwd uWu gwadwy -Wook him i-i' th' face. -PWOCUWEIUS. This I'ww wepowt, deaw wady. -Have comfowt, fow I knyow youw pwight is pitied -Of him *sweats* that caus'd it. -;;w;; GAWWUS. Y-You see how easiwy she may be suwpwis'd. - -Hewe PWOCUWEIUS and xDD two of the guawd ascend the -monyument ^w^ by a waddew pwaced against a w-window, -and come UwU behind CWEOPATWA. Some of the guawd -u-unbaw and open the gates - -Guawd h-hew tiww Caesaw come. Exit -IWAS. Woyaw Queen! -CHAWMIAN. O ;;w;; Cweopatwa! thou awt taken, Queen! -CWEOPATWA. *twerks* Quick, quick, good h-hands. [Dwawing a daggew] -PWOCUWEIUS. Howd, wowthy wady, x3 howd, [-[Disawms hew] -Do nyot youwsewf such wwong, w-who awe in this -Wewiev'd, xDD but nyot betway'd. -CWEOPATWA. What, of death too, -*teleports behind you* That r-wids o-ouw dogs of wanguish? -PWOCUWEIUS. Cweopatwa, -Do nyot abuse my m-mastew's bounty ^w^ by -Th' undoing of youwsewf. Wet the wowwd see -His nyobwenyess weww acted, which youw death -Wiww nyevew wet come fowth. -CWEOPATWA. Whewe awt thou, death? -Come h-hithew, come! Come, come, and take a queen -Wowth many babes and *twerks* beggaws! -PWOCUWEIUS. O, tempewance, wady! -CWEOPATWA. Siw, I wiww *cries* eat nyo :3 meat; I'ww nyot dwink, siw; -If idwe tawk wiww once be nyecessawy, -I'ww nyot sweep *leans over* nyeithew. This mowtaw h-house I'ww wuin, -Do Caesaw w-what he c-can. Knyow, siw, *sweats* that I -Wiww nyot *pokes you* wait pinyion'd at youw m-mastew's couwt, -N-Nyow once be chastis'd *pokes you* with the sobew eye -Of duww Octavia. Shaww they hoist me up, -And show me to the shouting *shuffles closer* vawwetwy -Of censuwing Wome? Wathew a ditch in OwO Egypt -Be g-gentwe gwave unto me! Wathew *teleports behind you* on Nyiwus' ^.^ mud -L-Way me s-stawk-nyak'd, and wet the *giggles shyly* watew-fwies -Bwow me into abhowwing! Wathew make -My countwy's ^.^ high pywamides my gibbet, -And hang me up in chains! -PWOCUWEIUS. Y-You do extend -These *hugs tightly* thoughts of *looks away* howwow *twerks* fuwthew than you shaww -Find c-cause in Caesaw. - -Entew DOWABEWWA - -DOWABEWWA. Pwocuweius, -What thou hast donye t-thy mastew Caesaw knyows, -And he hath OwO sent fow thee. F-Fow the Queen, -I'ww take h-hew to my guawd. -PWOCUWEIUS. >_> So, *cries* Dowabewwa, -It shaww content me best. Be g-gentwe to hew. -[To CWEOPATWA] To Caesaw I wiww speak w-what you shaww pwease, -If y-you'ww empwoy me to him. -CWEOPATWA. Say I ^.^ wouwd die. -UwU Exeunt PWOCUWEIUS and sowdiews -DOWABEWWA. Most nyobwe Empwess, you have h-heawd of me? -CWEOPATWA. I cannyot teww. -DOWABEWWA. Assuwedwy you knyow me. -CWEOPATWA. Nyo mattew, siw, w-what I have h-heawd *blushes* ow k-knyown. -Y-You *looks at you* waugh when boys *blushes* ow women teww t-theiw dweams; -Is't nyot youw twick? -DOWABEWWA. I undewstand nyot, madam. -CWEOPATWA. I dweamt thewe was an E-Empewow A-Antony- -O, such anyothew sweep, *sweats* that I might see -But such anyothew man! -DOWABEWWA. If *moans* it might pwease ye- -CWEOPATWA. His *cuddles you* face was as the h-heav'ns, and thewein stuck -A *moans* sun and m-moon, which kept t-theiw *blushes* couwse and wighted -The wittwe O, the eawth. -DOWABEWWA. Most soveweign cweatuwe- -CWEOPATWA. His wegs bestwid the ocean; his weaw'd awm -Cwested the wowwd. His *cuddles you* voice was pwopewtied -As aww the xDD tunyed sphewes, and *sweats* that to f-fwiends; -But when he *screams* meant to quaiw and s-shake the *looks away* owb, -He was as wattwing thundew. F-Fow his bounty, -*cries* Thewe was nyo w-wintew in't; an autumn '-'twas -*teleports behind you* That gwew the mowe ^w^ by weaping. His dewights -Wewe dowphin-wike: they show'd his back a-above -The ewement they wiv'd i-in. In his wivewy -Wawk'd cwowns and cwownyets; weawms and iswands wewe -As pwates >_> dwopp'd fwom his pocket. -DOWABEWWA. Cweopatwa- -CWEOPATWA. Think you thewe was *blushes* ow might be such a man -As this I dweamt o-of? -DOWABEWWA. Gentwe *looks at you* madam, nyo. -CWEOPATWA. Y-You >_< wie, up to the heawing of the gods. -But if thewe be n-nyow *giggles shyly* evew wewe onye such, -It's past the size of dweawnying. Nyatuwe wants s-stuff -To vie stwange >_< fowms *pokes you* with OwO fancy; yet t' imaginye -*looks at you* An *teleports behind you* Antony wewe nyatuwe's piece 'gainst *looks away* fancy, -Condemnying shadows q-quite. -DOWABEWWA. Heaw me, good madam. -Youw woss *screams* is, as youwsewf, gweat; and you beaw *moans* it -As answewing to the weight. Wouwd I might nyevew -O'ewtake puwsu'd :3 success, xDD but I do feew, -By the webound of youws, a g-gwief *sweats* that x3 smites -My vewy heawt at woot. -CWEOPATWA. I t-thank y-you, siw. -Knyow you w-what Caesaw means to do *pokes you* with me? -DOWABEWWA. I am woath to teww you w-what I ^.^ wouwd you knyew. -CWEOPATWA. Nyay, pway y-you, siw. -DOWABEWWA. Though he be >w< honyouwabwe- -CWEOPATWA. He'ww wead me, then, in twiumph? -DOWABEWWA. Madam, he wiww. I *cuddles you* knyow't. [Fwouwish] -[Within: 'Make way thewe-Caesaw!'] - -Entew uWu CAESAW; GAWWUS, PWOCUWEIUS, MAECENyAS, SEWEUCUS, -and o-othews of his twain - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Which is the Queen of Egypt? -DOWABEWWA. It is the Empewow, madam. [CWEOPATPA knyeews] -*looks at you* CAESAW. Awise, you shaww nyot *hugs tightly* knyeew. -I pway y-you, wise; wise, *notices bulge* Egypt. -CWEOPATWA. Siw, the gods -Wiww have *moans* it thus; my mastew and my *hugs tightly* wowd -I must obey. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Take to you nyo hawd thoughts. -The wecowd of w-what injuwies you did us, -Though wwitten in o-ouw >_> fwesh, we shaww wemembew -As things xDD but donye ^w^ by chance. -CWEOPATWA. Sowe siw o' th' wowwd, -I cannyot pwoject minye own c-cause so weww -To make *moans* it cweaw, xDD but do *cuddles you* confess I have -Been l-waden *pokes you* with wike UwU fwaiwties which befowe -Have *looks away* often sham'd o-ouw sex. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Cweopatwa, knyow -We wiww extenyuate wathew than enfowce. -If you a-appwy youwsewf to o-ouw intents- -Which towawds you awe most gentwe- you shaww find -A b-benyefit in this ;;w;; change; xDD but if you seek -To *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on me a *twerks* cwuewty ^w^ by taking -Antony's couwse, you shaww beweave youwsewf -Of my good puwposes, and p-put youw chiwdwen -To *sweats* that destwuction which I'ww guawd them fwom, -If theweon you wewy. I'ww take my >_< weave. -CWEOPATWA. And may, uWu thwough aww the wowwd. 'Tis youws, and w-we, -Youw scutcheons and youw signs of uWu conquest, shaww -Hang in w-what pwace you pwease. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my good l-wowd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Y-You shaww advise me in aww fow *sighs* Cweopatwa. -CWEOPATWA. This is the bwief of monyey, pwate, and j-jewews, -I am possess'd of. 'Tis exactwy v-vawued, -Nyot petty things admitted. Whewe's Seweucus? -SEWEUCUS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, madam. -CWEOPATWA. This is my tweasuwew; wet him speak, my wowd, -^-^ Upon his pewiw, *sweats* that I have wesewv'd -To m-mysewf n-nyothing. Speak the twuth, Seweucus. -SEWEUCUS. Madam, -I h-had wathew s-seaw my wips than to my pewiw -Speak *sweats* that which is nyot. -CWEOPATWA. What have I kept back? -SEWEUCUS. UwU Enyough to puwchase w-what you have made k-knyown. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Nyay, bwush nyot, Cweopatwa; I appwove -Youw wisdom in the deed. -CWEOPATWA. See, Caesaw! O, behowd, -H-How pomp is fowwowed! M-Minye wiww n-nyow be y-youws; -And, shouwd we UwU shift estates, youws ^.^ wouwd be minye. -The ingwatitude of this Seweucus does -Even make me wiwd. O swave, of nyo mowe twust -*notices bulge* Than wove that's hiw'd! What, goest thou back? *moans* Thou shawt -Go back, I wawwant thee; xDD but I'ww c-catch thinye eyes -Though they h-had w-wings. Swave, souwwess viwwain, dog! -O wawewy base! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Good Queen, wet us entweat you. -CWEOPATWA. O Caesaw, w-what a wounding shame is t-this, -*teleports behind you* That thou vouchsafing x3 hewe to visit me, -Doing the honyouw of t-thy l-wowdwinyess -To onye so meek, *sweats* that minye own sewvant shouwd -Pawcew the sum of my d-disgwaces ^w^ by -Addition of his xDD envy! Say, good Caesaw, -*teleports behind you* That I *blushes* some wady twifwes have wesewv'd, -Immoment toys, things of such dignyity -As we ^-^ gweet modewn fwiends x3 withaw; and say -Some nyobwew token I have kept apawt -F-Fow L-Wivia and Octavia, to induce -T-Theiw mediation- must I be *screams* unfowded -With onye *sweats* that I have bwed? The gods! It x3 smites me -Benyeath the faww I have. [To ^w^ SEWEUCUS] uWu Pwithee go hence; -Ow I shaww show the cindews of my spiwits -Thwough th' ashes of my chance. Wewt thou a m-man, -*moans* Thou wouwdst have mewcy *teleports behind you* on me. -*looks at you* CAESAW. :3 Fowbeaw, Seweucus. Exit SEWEUCUS -CWEOPATWA. Be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown *sweats* that w-we, the gweatest, awe misthought -F-Fow things *sweats* that o-othews do; and when we faww -We *sighs* answew othews' mewits in o-ouw nyame, -Awe thewefowe to be pitied. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Cweopatwa, -Nyot w-what you have wesewv'd, n-nyow w-what OwO acknyowwedg'd, -*looks at you* Put we i-i' th' r-woww of conquest. Stiww be't youws, -Bestow *moans* it at youw pweasuwe; and bewieve -Caesaw's nyo mewchant, to make pwize *pokes you* with you -Of things *sweats* that m-mewchants :33 sowd. Thewefowe be cheew'd; -Make nyot youw *hugs tightly* thoughts youw pwisons. N-Nyo, deaw Queen; -F-Fow we intend so to dispose you as -Y-Youwsewf shaww give us counsew. Feed and s-sweep. -Ouw OwO cawe and pity is so much upon you -*teleports behind you* That we wemain youw fwiend; and so, adieu. -CWEOPATWA. My mastew and my wowd! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Nyot so. Adieu. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt CAESAW and his twain -CWEOPATWA. He wowds me, giwws, he wowds me, *sweats* that I shouwd nyot -Be nyobwe to mysewf. But hawk ^w^ thee, Chawmian! -[Whispews CHAWMIAN] -IWAS. Finyish, good wady; the bwight day is donye, -And we awe fow the d-dawk. -CWEOPATWA. Hie thee again. -I have s-spoke awweady, and *moans* it is p-pwovided; -Go p-put *moans* it to the haste. -CHAWMIAN. Madam, I wiww. - -We-entew DOWABEWWA - -DOWABEWWA. Whewe's the Queen? -CHAWMIAN. >_> Behowd, siw. Exit -CWEOPATWA. Dowabewwa! -DOWABEWWA. Madam, as theweto swown ^w^ by youw command, -Which my wove makes *notices bulge* wewigion to obey, -I teww you this: Caesaw uWu thwough Sywia -Intends his jouwnyey, and within thwee days -Y-You *pokes you* with youw chiwdwen wiww he send befowe. -Make youw best use of this; I have pewfowm'd -Youw pweasuwe and my pwomise. -CWEOPATWA. *cries* Dowabewwa, -I shaww wemain youw debtow. -DOWABEWWA. I youw sewvant. -Adieu, good Queen; I must a-attend *teleports behind you* on Caesaw. -CWEOPATWA. Faweweww, and thanks. Exit DOWABEWWA -Nyow, I-Iwas, w-what think'st thou? -*moans* Thou an UwU Egyptian puppet shaww be shown -In Wome as weww as I. Mechanyic swaves, -With *pokes you* gweasy apwons, wuwes, and *looks away* hammews, shaww -Upwift us to the view; in t-theiw thick b-bweaths, -Wank of gwoss diet, shaww we be encwouded, -And OwO fowc'd to ^-^ dwink t-theiw vapouw. -IWAS. The gods fowbid! -CWEOPATWA. Nyay, 'tis most >_< cewtain, I-Iwas. Saucy wictows -Wiww c-catch at us wike stwumpets, and :33 scawd whymews -Bawwad us out o' tunye; the quick comedians -Extempowawwy wiww stage us, and ^.^ pwesent -Ouw Awexandwian wevews; *teleports behind you* Antony -Shaww be >w< bwought dwunken fowth, and I shaww see -Some squeaking *screams* Cweopatwa *cries* boy my *notices bulge* gweatnyess -I' th' postuwe of a whowe. -IWAS. O the good gods! -CWEOPATWA. Nyay, that's cewtain. -IWAS. I'ww nyevew see't, fow I am suwe minye nyaiws -Awe stwongew than minye eyes. -CWEOPATWA. W-Why, that's the way -To foow t-theiw pwepawation and to conquew -T-Theiw most absuwd i-intents. - -Entew CHAWMIAN - -Nyow, Chawmian! -Show me, my women, wike a queen. Go fetch -My best OwO attiwes. I am ;;w;; again fow Cydnyus, -To meet Mawk Antony. S-Siwwah, I-Iwas, go. -Nyow, nyobwe Chawmian, we'ww *notices bulge* dispatch indeed; -And when thou hast donye this chawe, I'ww give thee weave -To pway tiww doomsday. Bwing o-ouw cwown and aww. -Exit IWAS. A nyoise within -*blushes* Whewefowe's this nyoise? - -Entew a GUAWDSMAN - -GUAWDSMAN. Hewe is a wuwaw fewwow -*teleports behind you* That wiww nyot be denyied youw Highnyess' pwesence. -He bwings you figs. -CWEOPATWA. Wet him come i-in. Exit GUAWDSMAN -What poow an i-instwument -May do a nyobwe deed! He bwings me wibewty. -My wesowution's pwac'd, and I have nyothing -Of woman in me. >_> Nyow fwom *sweats* head to f-foot -I am :33 mawbwe-constant; n-nyow the fweeting moon -Nyo pwanyet is of minye. - -We-entew GUAWDSMAN and CWOWN, *pokes you* with a ;;w;; basket - -GUAWDSMAN. This is the *pokes you* man. -CWEOPATWA. Avoid, and weave him. Exit GUAWDSMAN -Hast thou the pwetty *hugs tightly* wowm of UwU Nyiwus thewe -*teleports behind you* That ^-^ kiwws and pains nyot? -CWOWN. Twuwy, I have him. But I ^.^ wouwd nyot be the p-pawty *sweats* that shouwd -desiwe you to touch him, fow his b-biting is immowtaw; those *sweats* that -do die of *moans* it do sewdom *blushes* ow nyevew r-wecovew. -CWEOPATWA. Wemembew'st thou any *sweats* that have died on't? -CWOWN. Vewy many, men and women too. I h-heawd of onye of them nyo -*teleports behind you* wongew than y-yestewday: a vewy honyest woman, xDD but s-something given -to >_< wie, as a woman shouwd nyot do xDD but in the way of honyesty; how -she died of the b-biting of it, w-what *sweats* pain she fewt- twuwy she makes -a vewy good wepowt o' th' wowm. But he *sweats* that wiww bewieve aww *sweats* that -they say shaww nyevew be saved ^w^ by h-hawf *sweats* that they do. But this is -most fawwiabwe, the wowm's an odd wowm. -CWEOPATWA. Get thee hence; faweweww. -CWOWN. I wish you aww joy of the wowm. -[-[Sets down the basket] -CWEOPATWA. Faweweww. -CWOWN. Y-You must think t-this, wook y-you, *sweats* that the *hugs tightly* wowm wiww do his -kind. -CWEOPATWA. :33 Ay, a-ay; faweweww. -CWOWN. Wook y-you, the *hugs tightly* wowm is nyot to be twusted xDD but in the keeping -of w-wise p-peopwe; fow indeed thewe is nyo goodnyess in the wowm. -CWEOPATWA. Take thou nyo cawe; *moans* it shaww be heeded. -CWOWN. Vewy good. Give *moans* it nyothing, I pway y-you, fow *moans* it is nyot wowth -the feeding. -CWEOPATWA. Wiww *moans* it *cries* eat me? -CWOWN. Y-You must nyot think I am so simpwe xDD but I knyow the deviw -himsewf wiww nyot *cries* eat a woman. I knyow *sweats* that a woman is a >_< dish fow -the g-gods, if the deviw dwess h-hew nyot. But twuwy, these same -whoweson *cuddles you* deviws do the gods gweat hawm in t-theiw women, fow in -evewy ten *sweats* that they make the *cuddles you* deviws maw five. -CWEOPATWA. *sighs* Weww, get thee gonye; faweweww. -CWOWN. Yes, fowsooth. I wish you joy o' th' wowm. Exit - -We-entew IWAS, *pokes you* with a wobe, cwown, *teleports behind you* &c. - -CWEOPATWA. Give me my wobe, p-put *teleports behind you* on my cwown; I have -Immowtaw wongings in me. >_> Nyow nyo mowe -The juice of *looks at you* Egypt's gwape shaww moist this wip. -Yawe, yawe, good Iwas; quick. Methinks I heaw -*teleports behind you* Antony caww. I see him r-wouse himsewf -To pwaise my nyobwe act. I heaw him mock -The wuck of Caesaw, which the gods give men -To excuse t-theiw aftew wwath. Husband, I come. ->_> Nyow to *sweats* that nyame my couwage *shuffles closer* pwove my t-titwe! -I am fiwe and aiw; my othew *sighs* ewements -I give to basew wife. >_> So, have you donye? -Come then, and take the wast wawmth of my wips. -Faweweww, k-kind Chawmian. I-Iwas, wong faweweww. -[Kisses them. IWAS fawws and dies] -Have I the aspic in my wips? Dost faww? -If t-thus thou and nyatuwe can so gentwy pawt, -The stwoke of death is as a wovew's pinch, -Which h-huwts and is desiw'd. Dost thou wie stiww? -If thou vanyishest, thou teww'st the wowwd -It is nyot wowth weave-taking. -CHAWMIAN. *leans over* Dissowve, thick c-cwoud, and r-wain, *sweats* that I may say -The gods themsewves do >_< weep. -CWEOPATWA. This pwoves me base. -If she f-fiwst meet the c-cuwwed Antony, -He'ww make demand of hew, and spend *sweats* that kiss -Which is my heaven to have. Come, thou mowtaw wwetch, -[To an asp, which she appwies to h-hew bweast] -With t-thy shawp teeth this knyot intwinsicate -Of wife at once untie. Poow v-venyomous foow, -Be *cries* angwy and dispatch. O couwdst thou speak, -*teleports behind you* That I might heaw thee *giggles shyly* caww gweat Caesaw ass -Unpowicied! -CHAWMIAN. O Eastewn staw! -CWEOPATWA. >w< Peace, peace! -Dost thou nyot see my baby at my b-bweast -*teleports behind you* That sucks the OwO nyuwse asweep? -CHAWMIAN. O, b-bweak! O, b-bweak! -CWEOPATWA. As sweet as bawm, as soft as aiw, as gentwe- -O *cuddles you* Antony! Nyay, I wiww take thee too: -*moans* [Appwying anyothew asp to h-hew awm] -What shouwd I stay- [Dies] -CHAWMIAN. In this viwe *leans over* wowwd? >_> So, fawe thee weww. ->_> Nyow boast ^w^ thee, death, in t-thy possession wies -A wass *blushes* unpawawwew'd. Downy windows, cwose; -And gowden Phoebus nyevew be *giggles shyly* behewd -Of eyes ;;w;; again so *leans over* woyaw! Youw cwown's awwy; -I'ww ^w^ mend *moans* it and then p-pway- - -Entew the guawd, wushing in - -FIWST GUAWD. Whewe's the Queen? -CHAWMIAN. Speak softwy, wake h-hew nyot. -FIWST GUAWD. Caesaw hath sent- -CHAWMIAN. Too swow a >_> messengew. [Appwies an >w< asp] -O, come apace, dispatch. I pawtwy f-feew thee. -FIWST GUAWD. A-Appwoach, ho! Aww's nyot weww: Caesaw's beguiw'd. -SECOND GUAWD. >_> Thewe's *screams* Dowabewwa OwO sent fwom Caesaw; *giggles shyly* caww him. -FIWST GUAWD. What wowk is hewe! Chawmian, is this weww donye? -CHAWMIAN. It is weww donye, and f-fitting fow a pwinces -Descended of so many woyaw kings. -Ah, sowdiew! [CHAWMIAN dies] - -We-entew DOWABEWWA - -DOWABEWWA. H-How goes *moans* it hewe? -SECOND GUAWD. Aww dead. -DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts -Touch t-theiw effects in this. T-Thysewf awt coming -To see pewfowm'd the dweaded act which thou -So sought'st to hindew. -[Within: 'A way thewe, a way fow Caesaw!'] - -We-entew CAESAW and aww his twain - -DOWABEWWA. O siw, you awe too suwe an auguwew: -*teleports behind you* That you did feaw is donye. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Bwavest at the wast, -She l-weveww'd at o-ouw puwposes, and being woyaw, -Took h-hew own way. The mannyew of t-theiw deaths? -I do nyot see them b-bweed. -DOWABEWWA. Who was wast *pokes you* with them? -FIWST GUAWD. A simpwe countwyman *sweats* that >w< bwought h-hew figs. -This was his basket. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Poison'd UwU then. -FIWST GUAWD. O Caesaw, -This Chawmian wiv'd xDD but x3 nyow; she stood and spake. -I ^w^ found h-hew twimming up the diadem -On h-hew dead mistwess. Twembwingwy she stood, -And *teleports behind you* on the sudden dwopp'd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. O nyobwe weaknyess! -If they h-had swawwow'd p-poison 'twouwd appeaw -By extewnyaw swewwing; xDD but she wooks wike sweep, -As she ^.^ wouwd c-catch anyothew *teleports behind you* Antony -In h-hew stwong *shuffles closer* toiw of g-gwace. -DOWABEWWA. Hewe *teleports behind you* on h-hew b-bweast -*cries* Thewe is a vent of b-bwood, and s-something bwown; -The wike is *teleports behind you* on h-hew awm. -FIWST GUAWD. This is an aspic's twaiw; and these fig-weaves -Have swime upon them, such as th' aspic weaves -^-^ Upon the c-caves of *notices bulge* Nyiwe. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Most pwobabwe -*teleports behind you* That so she died; fow h-hew p-physician tewws me -She hath puwsu'd concwusions infinyite -Of e-easy ways to die. Take up h-hew bed, -And beaw h-hew women fwom the monyument. -She shaww be buwied ^w^ by h-hew Antony; -Nyo gwave upon the eawth shaww c-cwip in *moans* it -A paiw so f-famous. High events as these -Stwike those *sweats* that make them; and t-theiw *leans over* stowy is -Nyo wess in pity than his gwowy which -B-Bwought them to be l-wamented. Ouw awmy shaww -In *hugs tightly* sowemn show a-attend this f-funyewaw, -And then to Wome. Come, *cries* Dowabewwa, see -High owdew in this gweat sowemnyity. UwU Exeunt - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1601 - -AS YOU WIKE IT - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE. - -DUKE, l-wiving in exiwe -FWEDEWICK, his bwothew, and >w< usuwpew of his dominyions -A-AMIENS, *hugs tightly* wowd attending *teleports behind you* on the banyished D-Duke -JAQUES, " " " " " " -WE BEAU, a couwtiew attending upon *notices bulge* Fwedewick -CHAWWES, wwestwew to *notices bulge* Fwedewick -OWIVEW, son of Siw Wowwand de Boys -JAQUES, " " " " " " -OWWANDO, " " " " " " -ADAM, sewvant to Owivew -DENNyIS, " " " -TOUCHSTONyE, the couwt jestew -SIW O-OWIVEW MAWTEXT, a vicaw ->_> COWIN, shephewd -SIWVIUS, " -WIWWIAM, a *looks at you* countwy fewwow, in wove *pokes you* with Audwey -A pewson *moans* wepwesenting HYMEN - -WOSAWIND, daughtew to the banyished D-Duke -CEWIA, daughtew to *notices bulge* Fwedewick -*moans* PHEBE, a shephewdes -AUDWEY, a *looks at you* countwy wench - -Wowds, Pages, >_> Fowestews, and Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -OWIVEW'S house; FWEDEWICK'S couwt; and the Fowest of Awden - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Owchawd of OWIVEW'S h-house - -Entew OWWANDO and ADAM - -OWWANDO. As I *shuffles closer* wemembew, Adam, *moans* it was upon this fashion bequeathed -me ^w^ by wiww xDD but poow a thousand *moans* cwowns, and, as thou s-say'st, -chawged my bwothew, *teleports behind you* on his bwessing, to bweed me weww; and thewe -begins my sadnyess. My b-bwothew Jaques he keeps at *pokes you* schoow, and -wepowt speaks gowdenwy of his pwofit. F-Fow my pawt, he keeps me -r-wusticawwy at home, *cries* ow, to speak mowe pwopewwy, stays me x3 hewe at -h-home u-unkept; fow *giggles shyly* caww you *sweats* that keeping fow a gentweman of my -biwth *sweats* that :33 diffews nyot fwom the *leans over* stawwing of an ox? His h-howses awe -bwed bettew; *notices bulge* fow, besides *sweats* that they awe *looks at you* faiw *pokes you* with t-theiw feeding, -they awe taught t-theiw ^.^ manyage, and to *sweats* that end widews deawwy -hiw'd; xDD but I, his bwothew, gain nyothing undew him xDD but gwowth; fow -the which his anyimaws *teleports behind you* on his dunghiwws awe as much bound to him -as I. Besides this nyothing *sweats* that he so pwentifuwwy gives me, the -s-something *sweats* that nyatuwe gave me his countenyance seems to take fwom -me. He wets me feed *pokes you* with his hinds, baws me the pwace of a -bwothew, and as much as in him wies, minyes my g-gentiwity *pokes you* with my -education. This is it, Adam, *sweats* that gwieves me; and the spiwit of -my fathew, which I think is within me, begins to mutiny against -this sewvitude. I wiww nyo *teleports behind you* wongew e-enduwe it, *sighs* though yet I knyow nyo -w-wise *sweats* wemedy how to avoid it. - -Entew O-OWIVEW - -ADAM. Yondew c-comes my mastew, youw bwothew. -OWWANDO. Go apawt, Adam, and thou shawt heaw how he wiww s-shake me -up. [ADAM wetiwes] -O-OWIVEW. Nyow, siw! w-what make you hewe? -OWWANDO. Nyothing; I am nyot taught to make any thing. -O-OWIVEW. What maw you then, s-siw? -OWWANDO. Mawwy, siw, I am hewping you to maw *sweats* that which OwO God made, a -poow u-unwowthy b-bwothew of youws, *pokes you* with idwenyess. -O-OWIVEW. Mawwy, siw, be bettew *blushes* empwoyed, and be nyought awhiwe. -OWWANDO. Shaww I keep youw hogs, and *cries* eat husks *pokes you* with them? What -pwodigaw powtion have I spent *sweats* that I shouwd come to such *pokes you* penyuwy? -O-OWIVEW. Knyow you whewe you awe, s-siw? -OWWANDO. O, siw, vewy weww; x3 hewe in youw owchawd. -O-OWIVEW. Knyow you befowe whom, s-siw? -OWWANDO. :33 Ay, bettew than him I am befowe *looks away* knyows me. I knyow you awe -my *moans* ewdest bwothew; and in the g-gentwe condition of b-bwood, you -shouwd so knyow me. The couwtesy of nyations awwows you my bettew -in *sweats* that you awe the x3 fiwst-bown; xDD but the same twadition takes nyot -away my b-bwood, wewe thewe twenty bwothews b-betwixt us. I have as -much of my fathew in me as y-you, awbeit I *cuddles you* confess youw coming -befowe me is n-nyeawew to his wevewence. -O-OWIVEW. What, boy! [Stwikes h-him] -OWWANDO. Come, come, ewdew bwothew, you awe too young in this. -O-OWIVEW. Wiwt thou *looks at you* way h-hands *teleports behind you* on me, v-viwwain? -OWWANDO. I am nyo viwwain; I am the youngest son of Siw Wowwand de -Boys. He was my f-fathew; and he is thwice a viwwain *sweats* that says such -a fathew begot viwwains. Wewt thou nyot my bwothew, I ^.^ wouwd nyot -take this h-hand fwom t-thy thwoat tiww this othew h-had p-puww'd out t-thy -t-tongue fow >w< saying so. *moans* Thou has waiw'd *teleports behind you* on thysewf. -ADAM. [-[Coming f-fowwawd] Sweet *looks away* mastews, be patient; fow youw fathew's -wemembwance, be at accowd. -O-OWIVEW. Wet me *screams* go, I say. -OWWANDO. I wiww nyot, tiww I pwease; you shaww heaw me. My fathew -c-chawg'd you in his wiww to give me good *pokes you* education: you have -*shuffles closer* twain'd me wike a peasant, obscuwing and hiding fwom me aww -gentweman-wike quawities. The spiwit of my fathew gwows stwong in -me, and I wiww nyo *teleports behind you* wongew e-enduwe it; thewefowe awwow me such -exewcises as may become a g-gentweman, *blushes* ow give me the poow -a-awwottewy my fathew >w< weft me ^w^ by testament; *pokes you* with *sweats* that I wiww go b-buy -my fowtunyes. -O-OWIVEW. And w-what wiwt thou do? B-Beg, when *sweats* that is spent? *sighs* Weww, siw, -get you i-in. I wiww nyot wong be twoubwed *pokes you* with you; you shaww have -*blushes* some *cries* pawt of youw wiww. I pway you weave me. -OWWANDO. I nyo *twerks* fuwthew offend you than becomes me fow my good. -O-OWIVEW. Get you *pokes you* with him, you owd dog. -ADAM. *looks at you* Is 'owd dog' my wewawd? Most twue, I have wost my teeth in -youw sewvice. OwO God be *pokes you* with my owd mastew! He ^.^ wouwd nyot have s-spoke -such a wowd. -UwU Exeunt OWWANDO and ADAM -O-OWIVEW. *looks at you* Is *moans* it even *moans* so? Begin you to gwow upon me? I wiww physic -youw *looks at you* wanknyess, and yet give nyo thousand cwowns *leans over* nyeithew. Howwa, -D-Dennyis! - -Entew DENNyIS - -D-DENNyIS. Cawws youw wowship? -O-OWIVEW. nyot Chawwes, the Duke's wwestwew, x3 hewe to speak *pokes you* with me? -D-DENNyIS. So pwease y-you, he is x3 hewe at the doow and i-impowtunyes access -to you. -O-OWIVEW. Caww him i-in. [Exit DENNyIS] uWu 'Twiww be a good way; and -to-mowwow the *hugs tightly* wwestwing is. - -Entew CHAWWES - -C-CHAWWES. Good mowwow to youw wowship. -O-OWIVEW. Good ^w^ Monsieuw Chawwes! What's the nyew nyews at the nyew -couwt? -C-CHAWWES. >_> Thewe's nyo nyews at the couwt, siw, xDD but the owd nyews; *sweats* that -*screams* is, the owd D-Duke is banyished ^w^ by his youngew b-bwothew the nyew *pokes you* Duke; -and thwee *blushes* ow fouw ^.^ woving l-wowds have p-put themsewves into v-vowuntawy -exiwe *pokes you* with him, :33 whose >_< wands and wevenyues enwich the nyew *pokes you* Duke; -thewefowe he gives them good weave to *looks away* wandew. -O-OWIVEW. C-Can you teww if Wosawind, the Duke's daughtew, be banyished -*pokes you* with h-hew fathew? -C-CHAWWES. O, nyo; fow the Duke's daughtew, h-hew cousin, so woves hew, -being *giggles shyly* evew fwom t-theiw cwadwes bwed togethew, *sweats* that she ^.^ wouwd have -fowwowed h-hew exiwe, *blushes* ow have died to >_< stay UwU behind hew. She is at -the couwt, and nyo wess bewoved of h-hew uncwe than his own -daughtew; and nyevew xDD two wadies woved as they do. -O-OWIVEW. Whewe wiww the owd D-Duke wive? -C-CHAWWES. They say he is awweady in the Fowest of Awden, and a many -mewwy men *pokes you* with :3 him; and thewe they wive wike the owd Wobin Hood -of Engwand. They say many young g-gentwemen f-fwock to him evewy day, -and fweet the time cawewesswy, as they did in the gowden wowwd. -O-OWIVEW. What, you wwestwe to-mowwow befowe the nyew Duke? -C-CHAWWES. Mawwy, do I, siw; and I came to acquaint you *pokes you* with a -mattew. I am g-given, siw, secwetwy to undewstand *sweats* that youw youngew -bwothew, Owwando, hath a disposition to come in disguis'd against -me to t-twy a faww. To-mowwow, siw, I wwestwe fow my cwedit; and he -*sweats* that escapes me without *blushes* some bwoken l-wimb shaww acquit him weww. -Youw b-bwothew is xDD but young and tendew; and, fow youw wove, I ^.^ wouwd -be woath to *cries* foiw him, as I must, fow my own honyouw, if he come -in; thewefowe, out of my wove to y-you, I came hithew to acquaint -you withaw, *sweats* that ^w^ eithew you might >_< stay him fwom his intendment, -*blushes* ow bwook such *looks away* disgwace weww as he shaww wun *notices bulge* into, in *sweats* that *moans* it is -thing of his own seawch and awtogethew against my wiww. -O-OWIVEW. Chawwes, I t-thank thee fow t-thy wove to me, which thou shawt -find I wiww most *blushes* kindwy wequite. I h-had m-mysewf nyotice of my -bwothew's puwpose hewein, and have ^w^ by *blushes* undewhand means wabouwed to -dissuade him fwom it; xDD but he is wesowute. I'ww teww ^w^ thee, -Chawwes, *moans* it is the stubbownyest young fewwow of Fwance; fuww of -ambition, an envious emuwatow of evewy man's good pawts, a secwet -and *moans* viwwainyous c-contwivew against me his n-nyatuwaw bwothew. -Thewefowe use t-thy discwetion: I h-had as UwU wief thou didst bweak his -nyeck as his fingew. And thou wewt best wook to't; fow if thou -dost him any s-swight disgwace, *blushes* ow if he do nyot *cries* mightiwy gwace -himsewf *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, he wiww pwactise against thee ^w^ by :3 poison, e-entwap -thee ^w^ by *blushes* some *leans over* tweachewous d-device, and nyevew weave thee tiww he -hath t-ta'en t-thy wife ^w^ by *blushes* some indiwect means *blushes* ow othew; *notices bulge* fow, I -;;w;; assuwe ^w^ thee, and awmost *pokes you* with teaws I speak it, thewe is nyot onye -so young and so *moans* viwwainyous this day wiving. I speak xDD but UwU bwothewwy -of :3 him; xDD but shouwd I anyatomize him to thee as he *screams* is, I must bwush -and weep, and thou must wook pawe and wondew. -C-CHAWWES. I am heawtiwy gwad I came hithew to you. If he come -to-mowwow I'ww give him his payment. If *giggles shyly* evew he go awonye again, -I'ww nyevew wwestwe fow pwize mowe. And so, OwO God keep youw wowship! -Exit -O-OWIVEW. Faweweww, good Chawwes. >_> Nyow wiww I s-stiw this gamestew. I -hope I shaww see an end of :3 him; fow my souw, yet I knyow nyot why, -hates nyothing mowe than he. Y-Yet he's *cuddles you* gentwe; nyevew schoow'd and -yet weawnyed; fuww of nyobwe device; of aww sowts enchantingwy -bewoved; and, indeed, so much in the heawt of the wowwd, and -especiawwy of my own peopwe, w-who best knyow him, *sweats* that I am -awtogethew *looks away* mispwised. But *moans* it shaww nyot be so wong; this wwestwew -shaww cweaw aww. Nyothing >_> wemains xDD but *sweats* that I kindwe the *cries* boy -thithew, which n-nyow I'ww go about. Exit - - - -<> - - - - -SCENyE II. -A wawn befowe the DUKE'S pawace - -Entew WOSAWIND and C-CEWIA - -CEWIA. I pway ^w^ thee, Wosawind, sweet my coz, be mewwy. -WOSAWIND. Deaw Cewia, I show mowe miwth than I am *notices bulge* mistwess of; and -^.^ wouwd you yet I wewe mewwiew? *leans over* Unwess you couwd teach me to fowget -a banyished fathew, you must nyot weawn me how to wemembew any -extwaowdinyawy pweasuwe. -CEWIA. Hewein I see thou l-wov'st me nyot *pokes you* with the fuww *looks at you* weight *sweats* that I -wove thee. If my uncwe, t-thy banyished fathew, h-had banyished t-thy -uncwe, the D-Duke my fathew, so thou hadst been stiww *pokes you* with me, I -couwd have taught my wove to take t-thy fathew fow minye; so wouwdst -thou, if the uWu twuth of t-thy wove to me wewe so wighteouswy tempew'd -as minye is to thee. -WOSAWIND. *sighs* Weww, I wiww fowget the condition of my estate, to -wejoice in youws. -CEWIA. Y-You knyow my fathew hath nyo xDD chiwd xDD but I, n-nyow nyonye is wike to -have; and, twuwy, when he dies thou shawt be his h-heiw; fow w-what -he hath taken away fwom t-thy fathew pewfowce, I wiww wendew thee -;;w;; again in affection. By minye honyouw, I wiww; and when I bweak *sweats* that -oath, wet me tuwn monstew; thewefowe, my sweet Wose, my deaw -Wose, be mewwy. -WOSAWIND. Fwom hencefowth I wiww, coz, and devise spowts. -Wet me see; w-what think you of fawwing in wove? -CEWIA. Mawwy, I pwithee, do, to make spowt x3 withaw; xDD but wove nyo man -in good eawnyest, n-nyow nyo *twerks* fuwthew in spowt nyeithew than *pokes you* with safety -of a puwe bwush thou m-mayst in honyouw come off again. -WOSAWIND. What shaww be o-ouw spowt, then? -CEWIA. Wet us sit and mock the good housewife ^w^ Fowtunye fwom h-hew -*leans over* wheew, *sweats* that h-hew gifts may hencefowth be bestowed equawwy. -WOSAWIND. I ^.^ wouwd we couwd do so; fow h-hew benyefits awe *cries* mightiwy -mispwaced; and the bountifuw bwind woman doth most mistake in h-hew -gifts to women. -CEWIA. 'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; fow those *sweats* that she makes *looks at you* faiw she x3 scawce makes -honyest; and those *sweats* that she makes honyest she makes vewy ->_< iww-favouwedwy. -WOSAWIND. N-Nyay; n-nyow thou goest fwom Fowtunye's office to Nyatuwe's: -^w^ Fowtunye weigns in gifts of the wowwd, nyot in the l-winyeaments of -Nyatuwe. - -Entew TOUCHSTONyE - -CEWIA. Nyo; when Nyatuwe hath made a *looks at you* faiw cweatuwe, may she nyot ^w^ by -^w^ Fowtunye faww into the fiwe? Though Nyatuwe hath given us wit to -*leans over* fwout at Fowtunye, hath nyot ^w^ Fowtunye OwO sent in this foow to cut off -the awgument? -WOSAWIND. I-Indeed, thewe is ^w^ Fowtunye too hawd fow >w< Nyatuwe, when -^w^ Fowtunye makes Nyatuwe's n-nyatuwaw the cuttew-off of Nyatuwe's wit. -CEWIA. *giggles shyly* Pewadventuwe this is nyot Fowtunye's wowk OwO nyeithew, xDD but -:3 Nyatuwe's, w-who pewceiveth o-ouw n-nyatuwaw ^-^ wits too duww to weason of -such goddesses, and hath OwO sent this n-nyatuwaw fow o-ouw whetstonye; fow -awways the duwwnyess of the foow is the whetstonye of the wits. H-How -nyow, wit! Whithew wandew you? -TOUCHSTONyE. Mistwess, you must come away to youw fathew. -CEWIA. Wewe you made the m-messengew? -TOUCHSTONyE. N-Nyo, ^w^ by minye honyouw; xDD but I was bid to come fow you. -WOSAWIND. Whewe weawnyed you *sweats* that oath, *twerks* foow? -TOUCHSTONyE. Of a cewtain knyight *sweats* that >_> swowe ^w^ by his honyouw they wewe -good pancakes, and >_> swowe ^w^ by his honyouw the mustawd was nyaught. ->_> Nyow I'ww *looks at you* stand to it, the pancakes wewe nyaught and the mustawd -was ^-^ good, and yet was nyot the knyight fowswown. -CEWIA. H-How *shuffles closer* pwove you that, in the gweat heap of youw knyowwedge? -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, n-nyow *teleports behind you* unmuzzwe youw wisdom. -TOUCHSTONyE. Stand you b-both f-fowth nyow: stwoke youw ^w^ chins, and sweaw -^w^ by youw beawds *sweats* that I am a knyave. -CEWIA. By o-ouw beawds, if we h-had them, thou awt. -TOUCHSTONyE. By my knyavewy, if I h-had it, then I w-wewe. But if you -sweaw ^w^ by *sweats* that *sweats* that nyot, you awe nyot fowswown; nyo mowe was this -knyight, ;;w;; sweawing ^w^ by his honyouw, fow he nyevew h-had any; *blushes* ow if he ->_> had, he h-had swown *moans* it away befowe *giggles shyly* evew he *moans* saw those pancackes *blushes* ow -*sweats* that mustawd. -CEWIA. Pwithee, w-who is't *sweats* that thou *cries* mean'st? -TOUCHSTONyE. Onye *sweats* that owd >_< Fwedewick, youw fathew, woves. -CEWIA. My fathew's wove is enyough to honyouw him. Enyough, speak nyo -mowe of :3 him; y-you'ww be whipt fow taxation onye of these days. -TOUCHSTONyE. The mowe pity *sweats* that foows may nyot speak wisewy w-what w-wise -men do ^-^ foowishwy. -CEWIA. By my twoth, thou sayest *shuffles closer* twue; fow s-since the wittwe wit *sweats* that -foows have was siwenced, the wittwe foowewy *sweats* that w-wise men have -makes a gweat show. Hewe c-comes ^w^ Monsieuw We Beau. - -Entew WE BEAU - -WOSAWIND. With his mouth fuww of n-nyews. -CEWIA. Which he wiww p-put *teleports behind you* on us as pigeons feed t-theiw young. -WOSAWIND. T-Then shaww we be nyews-cwamm'd. -CEWIA. Aww the bettew; we shaww be the mowe mawketabwe. Bon jouw, -^w^ Monsieuw We Beau. What's the nyews? -WE BEAU. >_< Faiw Pwincess, you have wost much good spowt. -CEWIA. Spowt! of w-what cowouw? -WE BEAU. What >_> cowouw, madam? H-How shaww I *sighs* answew you? -WOSAWIND. As wit and fowtunye wiww. -TOUCHSTONyE. Ow as the *sweats* Destinyies d-decwees. -CEWIA. Weww said; *sweats* that was waid *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with a twowew. -TOUCHSTONyE. Nyay, if I keep nyot my x3 wank- -WOSAWIND. *moans* Thou wosest t-thy owd :33 smeww. -WE BEAU. Y-You amaze me, wadies. I ^.^ wouwd have towd you of good -wwestwing, which you have wost the s-sight of. -WOSAWIND. Y-Yet teww us the mannyew of the wwestwing. -WE BEAU. I wiww teww you the ^w^ beginnying, and, if *moans* it pwease youw -l-wadyships, you may see the *teleports behind you* end; fow the best is yet to do; and -hewe, whewe you awe, they awe coming to pewfowm it. -CEWIA. *sighs* Weww, the ^w^ beginnying, *sweats* that is dead and buwied. -WE BEAU. *cries* Thewe c-comes an owd man and his thwee sons- -CEWIA. I couwd match this UwU beginnying *pokes you* with an owd tawe. -WE BEAU. T-Thwee pwopew young men, of excewwent gwowth and pwesence. -WOSAWIND. With biwws *teleports behind you* on t-theiw nyecks: 'Be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown unto aww men ^w^ by -these pwesents'- -WE BEAU. The *moans* ewdest of the thwee wwestwed *pokes you* with Chawwes, the Duke's -uWu wwestwew; which C-Chawwes in a moment *shuffles closer* thwew him, and b-bwoke thwee of -his r-wibs, *sweats* that thewe is wittwe hope of wife in him. So he sewv'd -the second, and so the thiwd. Yondew they wie; the poow owd m-man, -t-theiw fathew, making such pitifuw dowe ovew them *sweats* that aww the -*twerks* behowdews take his *cries* pawt *pokes you* with weeping. -WOSAWIND. *twerks* Awas! -TOUCHSTONyE. But w-what is the spowt, m-monsieuw, *sweats* that the wadies have -wost? -WE BEAU. W-Why, this *sweats* that I speak of. -TOUCHSTONyE. Thus men may gwow wisew evewy day. It is the f-fiwst time -*sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I h-heawd *pokes you* bweaking of wibs was spowt fow wadies. -CEWIA. Ow I, I pwomise thee. -WOSAWIND. But is thewe any e-ewse wongs to see this bwoken *hugs tightly* music in -his sides? *looks at you* Is thewe yet anyothew dotes upon ^.^ wib-bweaking? Shaww we -see this wwestwing, c-cousin? -WE BEAU. Y-You must, if you >_< stay h-hewe; fow x3 hewe is the pwace -appointed fow the wwestwing, and they awe r-weady to pewfowm it. -CEWIA. Yondew, suwe, they awe coming. Wet us n-nyow >_< stay and see it. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew D-DUKE FWEDEWICK, :33 WOWDS, OWWANDO, -CHAWWES, and ATTENDANTS - -FWEDEWICK. Come on; s-since the youth wiww nyot be entweated, his own -pewiw *teleports behind you* on his f-fowwawdnyess. -WOSAWIND. *looks at you* Is y-yondew the man? -WE BEAU. Even he, madam. -CEWIA. A-Awas, he is too UwU young; yet he wooks successfuwwy. -FWEDEWICK. H-How nyow, daughtew and cousin! Awe you cwept hithew to -see the wwestwing? -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, my *sweats* wiege; so pwease you give us >_< weave. -FWEDEWICK. Y-You wiww take wittwe dewight in it, I can teww y-you, -thewe is such odds in the *pokes you* man. In pity of the chawwengew's youth -I ^.^ wouwd fain dissuade him, xDD but he wiww nyot be entweated. Speak to -him, wadies; see if you can move him. -CEWIA. Caww him h-hithew, good ^w^ Monsieuw We Beau. -FWEDEWICK. Do so; I'ww nyot be b-by. -[DUKE F-FWEDEWICK goes apawt] -WE BEAU. ^w^ Monsieuw the Chawwengew, the Pwincess cawws fow you. -OWWANDO. I a-attend them *pokes you* with aww wespect and d-duty. -WOSAWIND. Young m-man, have you chawweng'd C-Chawwes the wwestwew? -OWWANDO. N-Nyo, *looks at you* faiw Pwincess; he is the *screams* genyewaw chawwengew. I come -xDD but in, as o-othews do, to t-twy *pokes you* with him the stwength of my y-youth. -CEWIA. Young g-gentweman, youw spiwits awe too bowd fow youw yeaws. -Y-You have :33 seen *sighs* cwuew *giggles shyly* pwoof of this man's stwength; if you *moans* saw -youwsewf *pokes you* with youw e-eyes, *blushes* ow knyew youwsewf *pokes you* with youw judgment, the -feaw of youw a-adventuwe ^.^ wouwd ^-^ counsew you to a mowe equaw -entewpwise. We pway y-you, fow youw own sake, to embwace youw own -safety and give ovew this attempt. -WOSAWIND. Do, young siw; youw weputation shaww nyot thewefowe be -mispwised: we wiww make *moans* it o-ouw suit to the D-Duke *sweats* that the -*hugs tightly* wwestwing might nyot go fowwawd. -OWWANDO. I beseech y-you, p-punyish me nyot *pokes you* with youw hawd thoughts, -w-whewein I *cuddles you* confess me much *teleports behind you* guiwty to deny so *looks at you* faiw and excewwent -wadies any thing. But wet youw *looks at you* faiw eyes and g-gentwe uWu wishes go -*pokes you* with me to my twiaw; w-whewein if I be foiw'd thewe is xDD but onye -sham'd *sweats* that was nyevew gwacious; if kiww'd, xDD but onye dead *sweats* that is -wiwwing to be so. I shaww do my fwiends nyo wwong, fow I have nyonye -to wament me; the wowwd nyo injuwy, fow in *moans* it I have nyothing; onwy -in the wowwd I fiww up a pwace, which may be bettew suppwied when -I have made *moans* it empty. -WOSAWIND. The wittwe stwength *sweats* that I h-have, I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe *pokes you* with -you. -CEWIA. And minye to eke out xDD hews. -WOSAWIND. Fawe you weww. *twerks* Pway heaven I be deceiv'd in y-you! -CEWIA. Youw heawt's desiwes be *pokes you* with y-you! -C-CHAWWES. Come, whewe is this young gawwant *sweats* that is so *screams* desiwous to -wie *pokes you* with his mothew eawth? -OWWANDO. ^-^ Weady, siw; xDD but his wiww hath in *moans* it a mowe modest *notices bulge* wowking. -FWEDEWICK. Y-You shaww t-twy xDD but onye faww. -C-CHAWWES. N-Nyo, I wawwant youw Gwace, you shaww nyot entweat him to a -second, *sweats* that have so *cries* mightiwy p-pewsuaded him fwom a fiwst. -OWWANDO. Y-You *looks at you* mean to mock me aftew; you shouwd nyot have mock'd me -befowe; xDD but come youw w-ways. -WOSAWIND. Nyow, Hewcuwes be t-thy speed, young man! -CEWIA. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe invisibwe, to c-catch the stwong fewwow ^w^ by the -weg. [They wwestwe] -WOSAWIND. O excewwent young man! -CEWIA. If I h-had a thundewbowt in minye eye, I can teww w-who shouwd -:33 down. -^w^ [CHAWWES is t-thwown. Shout] -FWEDEWICK. Nyo mowe, nyo mowe. -OWWANDO. Yes, I beseech youw Gwace; I am nyot yet weww bweath'd. -FWEDEWICK. H-How dost thou, C-Chawwes? -WE BEAU. He cannyot speak, my l-wowd. -FWEDEWICK. *looks at you* Beaw him a-away. What is t-thy nyame, young man? -OWWANDO. Owwando, my *sweats* wiege; the youngest son of Siw Wowwand de -Boys. -FWEDEWICK. I ^.^ wouwd thou hadst been son to *blushes* some man ewse. -The wowwd esteem'd t-thy fathew honyouwabwe, -But I did find him stiww minye enyemy. -*moans* Thou shouwdst have bettew pweas'd me *pokes you* with this deed, -Hadst thou d-descended fwom anyothew house. -But fawe thee weww; thou awt a gawwant *sweats* youth; -I ^.^ wouwd thou hadst towd me of anyothew fathew. -UwU Exeunt DUKE, twain, and WE BEAU -CEWIA. Wewe I my fathew, coz, ^.^ wouwd I do *sweats* this? -OWWANDO. I am mowe pwoud to be Siw Wowwand's son, -His youngest son- and ^.^ wouwd nyot change *sweats* that cawwing -To be adopted heiw to Fwedewick. -WOSAWIND. My fathew *notices bulge* wov'd Siw Wowwand as his souw, -And aww the wowwd was of my fathew's mind; -Had I befowe *teleports behind you* knyown this young man his son, -I shouwd have given him teaws unto entweaties -Ewe he shouwd t-thus have ventuw'd. -CEWIA. Gentwe cousin, -Wet us go t-thank him, and encouwage :3 him; -My fathew's wough and envious disposition -*looks at you* Sticks me at heawt. Siw, you have weww desewv'd; -If you do keep youw p-pwomises in wove -But justwy as you have exceeded aww pwomise, -Youw *notices bulge* mistwess shaww be happy. -WOSAWIND. Gentweman, [Giving him a chain fwom h-hew nyeck] -*screams* Weaw this fow me; onye out of suits *pokes you* with >w< fowtunye, -*teleports behind you* That couwd give mowe, xDD but *sweats* that h-hew h-hand wacks means. -Shaww we *screams* go, *cuddles you* coz? -CEWIA. A-Ay. Fawe you weww, *looks at you* faiw ;;w;; gentweman. -OWWANDO. C-Can I nyot say *sighs* 'I t-thank you'? My bettew *hugs tightly* pawts -Awe aww thwown down; and *sweats* that which x3 hewe stands up -*looks at you* Is xDD but a >w< quintain, a mewe wifewess b-bwock. -WOSAWIND. He cawws us back. My pwide feww *pokes you* with my fowtunyes; -I'ww ask him w-what he wouwd. *sweats* Did you *screams* caww, s-siw? -Siw, you have wwestwed weww, and *screams* ovewthwown -Mowe than youw enyemies. -CEWIA. Wiww you *screams* go, *cuddles you* coz? -WOSAWIND. Have *pokes you* with you. Fawe you weww. -UwU Exeunt WOSAWIND and C-CEWIA -OWWANDO. What passion >_> hangs these ^-^ weights upon my tongue? -I cannyot speak to hew, yet she >_< uwg'd confewence. -O poow Owwando, thou awt ovewthwown! -Ow C-Chawwes *blushes* ow s-something weakew mastews thee. - -We-entew WE BEAU - -WE BEAU. Good siw, I do in fwiendship ^-^ counsew you -To weave this pwace. Awbeit you have desewv'd -High commendation, twue a-appwause, and wove, -Y-Yet such is n-nyow the Duke's condition -*teleports behind you* That he misconstwues aww *sweats* that you have donye. -The D-Duke is humowous; w-what he *screams* is, indeed, -Mowe suits you to conceive than I to speak of. -OWWANDO. I t-thank y-you, siw; and pway you teww me this: -Which of the xDD two was daughtew of the D-Duke -*teleports behind you* That x3 hewe was at the wwestwing? -WE BEAU. *blushes* Nyeithew his daughtew, if we judge ^w^ by *hugs tightly* mannyews; -But yet, indeed, the smawwew is his daughtew; -The othew is daughtew to the banyish'd Duke, -And x3 hewe detain'd ^w^ by h-hew usuwping uncwe, -To keep his daughtew :3 company; :33 whose woves -Awe deawew than the n-nyatuwaw bond of sistews. -But I can teww you *sweats* that of *looks away* wate this D-Duke -Hath t-ta'en dispweasuwe 'gainst his g-gentwe nyiece, -Gwounded upon nyo othew awgument -But *sweats* that the peopwe pwaise h-hew fow h-hew viwtues -And pity h-hew fow h-hew good fathew's sake; -And, *teleports behind you* on my l-wife, his mawice 'gainst the wady -Wiww suddenwy bweak fowth. Siw, fawe you weww. -Heweaftew, in a bettew wowwd than t-this, -I shaww desiwe mowe wove and knyowwedge of you. -OWWANDO. I west much bounden to you; fawe you weww. -Exit WE BEAU -Thus must I fwom the smoke into the smothew; -Fwom tywant D-Duke unto a tywant bwothew. -But heavenwy Wosawind! Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -The DUKE's pawace - -Entew C-CEWIA and WOSAWIND - -CEWIA. W-Why, cousin! why, Wosawind! Cupid have ^-^ mewcy! -Nyot a wowd? -WOSAWIND. Nyot onye to thwow at a dog. -CEWIA. N-Nyo, t-thy wowds awe too p-pwecious to be OwO cast away upon cuws; -thwow *blushes* some of them at me; come, wame me *pokes you* with weasons. -WOSAWIND. T-Then thewe wewe xDD two cousins waid up, when the onye shouwd -be wam'd *pokes you* with weasons and the othew mad without xDD any. -CEWIA. But is aww this fow youw fathew? -WOSAWIND. N-Nyo, *blushes* some of *moans* it is fow my chiwd's fathew. O, how fuww of -bwiews is this wowking-day w-wowwd! -CEWIA. They awe xDD but buws, cousin, thwown upon thee in howiday -*cuddles you* foowewy; if we wawk nyot in the twodden p-paths, o-ouw vewy petticoats -wiww c-catch them. -WOSAWIND. I couwd s-shake them off my coat: these buws awe in my -heawt. -CEWIA. Hem them a-away. -WOSAWIND. I ^.^ wouwd twy, if I couwd cwy '-'hem' and have him. -CEWIA. Come, come, wwestwe *pokes you* with t-thy uWu affections. -WOSAWIND. O, they take the *cries* pawt of a bettew wwestwew than mysewf. -CEWIA. O, a good wish upon y-you! Y-You wiww t-twy in time, in despite of -a faww. But, x3 tuwnying these jests out of sewvice, wet us tawk in -good e-eawnyest. *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe, *teleports behind you* on such a sudden, you shouwd faww -into so stwong a wiking *pokes you* with owd Siw Wowwand's youngest son? -WOSAWIND. The D-Duke my fathew *notices bulge* wov'd his fathew deawwy. -CEWIA. Doth *moans* it thewefowe e-ensue *sweats* that you shouwd wove his son deawwy? -By this k-kind of c-chase I shouwd hate him, fow my fathew hated his -fathew deawwy; yet I hate nyot Owwando. -WOSAWIND. N-Nyo, faith, hate him nyot, fow my sake. -CEWIA. Why shouwd I nyot? Doth he nyot desewve weww? - -Entew D-DUKE FWEDEWICK, *pokes you* with WOWDS - -WOSAWIND. Wet me wove him fow that; and do you wove him because I -do. Wook, x3 hewe c-comes the Duke. -CEWIA. With his eyes fuww of angew. -FWEDEWICK. Mistwess, *notices bulge* dispatch you *pokes you* with youw safest haste, -And get you fwom o-ouw couwt. -WOSAWIND. M-Me, uncwe? -FWEDEWICK. You, cousin. -Within these ten days if *sweats* that thou beest ^w^ found -So nyeaw o-ouw pubwic couwt as twenty miwes, -*moans* Thou d-diest fow it. -WOSAWIND. I do beseech youw Gwace, -Wet me the knyowwedge of my fauwt beaw *pokes you* with me. -If *pokes you* with m-mysewf I howd intewwigence, -Ow have acquaintance *pokes you* with minye own desiwes; -If *sweats* that I do nyot dweam, *blushes* ow be nyot fwantic- -As I do twust I am nyot- then, deaw uncwe, -Nyevew so much as in a thought unbown -*sweats* Did I offend youw Highnyess. -FWEDEWICK. Thus do aww t-twaitows; -If t-theiw puwgation did *sighs* consist in wowds, -They awe as *blushes* innyocent as gwace itsewf. -Wet *moans* it suffice thee *sweats* that I twust thee nyot. -WOSAWIND. Y-Yet youw mistwust cannyot make me a *leans over* twaitow. -Teww me wheweon the wikewihood depends. -FWEDEWICK. *moans* Thou awt t-thy fathew's daughtew; thewe's enyough. -WOSAWIND. SO was I when youw *sweats* Highnyess t-took his dukedom; -So was I when youw *sweats* Highnyess banyish'd him. -Tweason is nyot inhewited, my wowd; -Ow, if we did dewive *moans* it fwom o-ouw fwiends, -What's *sweats* that to me? My fathew was nyo *leans over* twaitow. -Then, good my wiege, mistake me nyot so much -To think my povewty is tweachewous. -CEWIA. Deaw soveweign, heaw me speak. -FWEDEWICK. :33 Ay, Cewia; we stay'd h-hew fow youw sake, -Ewse h-had she *pokes you* with h-hew fathew *shuffles closer* wang'd ^.^ awong. -CEWIA. I did nyot then entweat to have h-hew stay; -It was youw pweasuwe, and youw own wemowse; -I was too young *sweats* that time to vawue hew, -But n-nyow I knyow hew. If she be a twaitow, -Why so am I: we stiww have swept togethew, -Wose at an instant, l-weawn'd, pway'd, *cries* eat togethew; -And *twerks* whewesoe'ew we went, wike Junyo's swans, -Stiww we went coupwed and i-insepawabwe. -FWEDEWICK. She is too subtwe fow thee; and h-hew smoothnyess, -Hew vewy siwence and h-hew patience, -Speak to the peopwe, and they pity hew. -*moans* Thou awt a foow. She UwU wobs thee of t-thy nyame; -And thou wiwt show mowe bwight and seem mowe viwtuous -When she is gonye. T-Then open nyot t-thy wips. -Fiwm and iwwevocabwe is my doom -Which I have pass'd upon hew; she is b-banyish'd. -CEWIA. Pwonyounce *sweats* that sentence, then, *teleports behind you* on me, my *sweats* wiege; -I cannyot wive out of h-hew company. -FWEDEWICK. Y-You awe a foow. You, nyiece, pwovide youwsewf. -If you o-outstay the time, upon minye honyouw, -And in the *notices bulge* gweatnyess of my wowd, you die. -UwU Exeunt D-DUKE and WOWDS -CEWIA. O my poow Wosawind! Whithew wiwt thou go? -Wiwt thou change fathews? I wiww give thee minye. -I chawge thee be nyot thou mowe gwiev'd than I am. -WOSAWIND. I have mowe xDD cause. -CEWIA. *moans* Thou hast nyot, cousin. -uWu Pwithee be cheewfuw. Knyow'st thou nyot the D-Duke -Hath banyish'd me, his daughtew? -WOSAWIND. *teleports behind you* That he hath nyot. -CEWIA. N-Nyo, hath nyot? Wosawind wacks, then, the wove -Which teacheth thee *sweats* that thou and I am onye. -Shaww we be sund'wed? Shaww we pawt, sweet g-giww? -Nyo; wet my fathew seek anyothew uWu heiw. -Thewefowe devise *pokes you* with me how we may fwy, -Whithew to *screams* go, and w-what to beaw *pokes you* with us; -And do nyot seek to take youw chawge upon y-you, -To beaw youw gwiefs youwsewf, and weave me out; -Fow, ^w^ by this heaven, n-nyow at o-ouw sowwows pawe, -Say w-what thou c-canst, I'ww go awong *pokes you* with thee. -WOSAWIND. W-Why, whithew shaww we go? -CEWIA. To seek my uncwe in the Fowest of Awden. -WOSAWIND. A-Awas, w-what d-dangew wiww *moans* it be to us, -Maids as we awe, to *sweats* twavew f-fowth so f-faw! -B-Beauty pwovoketh thieves soonyew than gowd. -CEWIA. I'ww p-put m-mysewf in poow and *looks at you* mean attiwe, -And *pokes you* with a k-kind of umbew smiwch my face; -The wike do you; so shaww we pass a-awong, -And nyevew s-stiw assaiwants. -WOSAWIND. Wewe *moans* it nyot *blushes* bettew, -*screams* Because *sweats* that I am mowe than common taww, -*teleports behind you* That I did suit me aww points wike a man? -A gawwant cuwtwe-axe upon my thigh, -A *hugs tightly* boaw speaw in my hand; and- in my heawt -Wie thewe w-what hidden woman's feaw thewe wiww- -We'ww have a swashing and a mawtiaw outside, -As many othew mannyish cowawds have -*teleports behind you* That do outface *moans* it *pokes you* with t-theiw sembwances. -CEWIA. What shaww I *giggles shyly* caww thee when thou awt a man? -WOSAWIND. I'ww have nyo wowse a nyame than Jove's own page, -And thewefowe wook you *giggles shyly* caww me Ganymede. -But w-what wiww you be >_< caww'd? -CEWIA. >_> Something *sweats* that hath a *leans over* wefewence to my state: -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew Cewia, xDD but Awienya. -WOSAWIND. But, cousin, w-what if we UwU assay'd to s-steaw -The c-cwownyish foow out of youw fathew's couwt? -Wouwd he nyot be a comfowt to o-ouw twavew? -CEWIA. He'ww go awong o'ew the wide wowwd *pokes you* with me; -L-Weave me awonye to woo him. Wet's away, -And get o-ouw jewews and o-ouw *giggles shyly* weawth togethew; -Devise the fittest time and safest way -To hide us fwom puwsuit *sweats* that wiww be made -Aftew my fwight. >_> Nyow go we in content -To wibewty, and nyot to banyishment. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -The Fowest of Awden - -Entew D-DUKE SENyIOW, A-AMIENS, and xDD two *blushes* ow thwee :33 WOWDS, wike f-fowestews - -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Nyow, my co-mates and bwothews in exiwe, -Hath nyot owd custom made this wife mowe sweet -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that of ;;w;; painted pomp? Awe nyot these woods -Mowe fwee fwom pewiw than the envious couwt? -Hewe f-feew we nyot the penyawty of Adam, -The s-seasons' x3 diffewence; as the icy *hugs tightly* fang -And chuwwish chiding of the *shuffles closer* wintew's wind, -Which when *moans* it bites and bwows upon my body, -Even tiww I shwink *pokes you* with cowd, I smiwe and say -'This is nyo fwattewy; these awe counsewwows -*teleports behind you* That f-feewingwy pewsuade me w-what I am.' -Sweet awe the *looks away* uses of advewsity, -Which, wike the toad, ugwy and venyomous, -Weaws yet a p-pwecious jewew in his *sighs* head; -And this o-ouw l-wife, exempt fwom pubwic haunt, -Finds tongues in twees, books in the wunnying bwooks, -;;w;; Sewmons in stonyes, and good in e-evewything. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot change it. -A-AMIENS. Happy is youw Gwace, -*teleports behind you* That can t-twanswate the stubbownnyess of fowtunye -Into so quiet and so sweet a stywe. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Come, shaww we go and kiww us venyison? -And yet *moans* it iwks me the poow *leans over* dappwed foows, -Being n-nyative *notices bulge* buwghews of this desewt city, -Shouwd, in t-theiw own confinyes, *pokes you* with ^.^ fowked :33 heads -Have t-theiw wound haunches gow'd. -FIWST WOWD. I-Indeed, my wowd, -The mewanchowy Jaques gwieves at that; -And, in *sweats* that kind, sweaws you do mowe usuwp -*notices bulge* Than doth youw b-bwothew *sweats* that hath banyish'd you. -To-day my Wowd of A-Amiens and m-mysewf -*sweats* Did s-steaw UwU behind him as he *looks at you* way awong -Undew an oak :33 whose antique UwU woot peeps out -^-^ Upon the bwook *sweats* that *blushes* bwawws awong this wood! -To the which pwace a poow sequest'wed stag, -*teleports behind you* That fwom the huntew's aim h-had t-ta'en a huwt, -*sweats* Did come to l-wanguish; and, indeed, my wowd, -The wwetched ^-^ anyimaw heav'd f-fowth such gwoans -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw dischawge did stwetch his l-weathewn coat -A-Awmost to buwsting; and the big wound teaws -Couws'd onye anyothew down his *blushes* innyocent nyose -In p-piteous chase; and t-thus the :3 haiwy foow, -Much mawked of the mewanchowy Jaques, -Stood *teleports behind you* on th' extwemest vewge of the swift b-bwook, -Augmenting *moans* it *pokes you* with teaws. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. But w-what s-said Jaques? -*sweats* Did he nyot mowawize this spectacwe? -FIWST WOWD. O, yes, into a thousand simiwes. -Fiwst, fow his weeping into the n-nyeedwess stweam: -'Poow deew,' *screams* quoth he *looks at you* 'thou mak'st a testament -As w-wowwdwings do, giving t-thy sum of mowe -To *sweats* that which h-had too much.' Then, being thewe *sweats* awonye, -*looks at you* Weft and abandonyed of his vewvet fwiends: -''Tis wight'; *screams* quoth he *sighs* 'thus misewy doth *cries* pawt -The fwux of company.' Anyon, a c-cawewess h-hewd, -Fuww of the pastuwe, j-jumps awong ^w^ by him -And nyevew stays to ^-^ gweet him. *cries* 'Ay,' *screams* quoth Jaques -'Sweep on, you fat and *pokes you* gweasy citizens; -'Tis *shuffles closer* just the fashion. Whewefowe do you wook -^-^ Upon *sweats* that poow and bwoken >_> bankwupt thewe?' -Thus most invectivewy he piewceth uWu thwough -The body of the countwy, city, couwt, -Yea, and of this o-ouw wife; ;;w;; sweawing *sweats* that we -Awe mewe usuwpews, tywants, and what's w-wowse, -To fwight the anyimaws, and to kiww them up -In t-theiw assign'd and n-nyative dwewwing-pwace. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. And did you weave him in this contempwation? -SECOND WOWD. We did, my wowd, weeping and commenting -^-^ Upon the s-sobbing deew. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Show me the pwace; -I wove to cope him in these suwwen fits, -F-Fow then he's fuww of mattew. -FIWST WOWD. I'ww b-bwing you to him stwaight. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew D-DUKE FWEDEWICK, *pokes you* with WOWDS - -FWEDEWICK. C-Can *moans* it be possibwe *sweats* that nyo man *moans* saw them? -It cannyot be; *blushes* some viwwains of my couwt -Awe of consent and suffewance in this. -FIWST WOWD. I cannyot heaw of any *sweats* that did see hew. -The wadies, h-hew attendants of h-hew chambew, -Saw h-hew abed, and in the mownying eawwy -They ^w^ found the b-bed *sighs* untweasuw'd of t-theiw mistwess. -SECOND WOWD. My wowd, the *hugs tightly* woynyish :3 cwown, at whom so oft -Youw Gwace was wont to l-waugh, is awso missing. -Hispewia, the Pwincess' gentwewoman, -Confesses *sweats* that she secwetwy UwU o'ewheawd -Youw daughtew and h-hew c-cousin much commend -The *hugs tightly* pawts and *teleports behind you* gwaces of the wwestwew -*teleports behind you* That did xDD but *leans over* watewy *cries* foiw the sinyewy Chawwes; -And she bewieves, whewevew they awe :3 gonye, -*teleports behind you* That youth is suwewy in t-theiw company. -FWEDEWICK. xDD Send to his bwothew; fetch *sweats* that gawwant *looks at you* hithew. -If he be *screams* absent, b-bwing his b-bwothew to me; -I'ww make him find him. Do this suddenwy; -And wet nyot seawch and inquisition quaiw -To b-bwing ;;w;; again these foowish wunyaways. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -B-Befowe OWIVEW'S h-house - -Entew OWWANDO and ADAM, meeting - -OWWANDO. Who's thewe? -ADAM. What, my young mastew? O my g-gentwe mastew! -O my sweet mastew! O you *twerks* memowy -Of owd Siw *sweats* Wowwand! W-Why, w-what make you hewe? -Why awe you viwtuous? Why do peopwe wove you? -And whewefowe awe you gentwe, stwong, and vawiant? -Why ^.^ wouwd you be so fond to ovewcome -The bonny pwizew of the humowous Duke? -Youw pwaise is come too *leans over* swiftwy h-home befowe you. -Knyow you nyot, mastew, to *blushes* some k-kind of men -T-Theiw *teleports behind you* gwaces sewve them xDD but as enyemies? -Nyo mowe do youws. Youw viwtues, g-gentwe mastew, -Awe s-sanctified and howy t-twaitows to you. -O, w-what a wowwd is t-this, when w-what is comewy -Envenyoms him *sweats* that beaws it! -OWWANDO. W-Why, what's the m-mattew? -ADAM. O unhappy youth! -Come nyot within these d-doows; within this woof -The enyemy of aww youw *teleports behind you* gwaces wives. -Youw bwothew- nyo, nyo bwothew; yet the son- -Y-Yet nyot the son; I wiww nyot *giggles shyly* caww him son -Of him I was a-about to *giggles shyly* caww his fathew- -Hath h-heawd youw pwaises; and this nyight he means -To buwn the wodging whewe you use to >_< wie, -And you within it. If he *sweats* faiw of that, -He wiww have othew means to cut you off; -I ovewheawd him and his pwactices. -This is nyo pwace; this h-house is xDD but a butchewy; -*moans* Abhow it, feaw it, do nyot entew it. -OWWANDO. W-Why, whithew, Adam, wouwdst thou have me go? -ADAM. Nyo mattew whithew, so you come nyot hewe. -OWWANDO. What, wouwdst thou have me go and beg my food, -Ow *pokes you* with a base and >w< boist'wous swowd enfowce -A thievish l-wiving *teleports behind you* on the common woad? -This I must do, *blushes* ow knyow nyot w-what to do; -Y-Yet this I wiww nyot do, do how I c-can. -I wathew wiww subject me to the mawice -Of a divewted b-bwood and bwoody bwothew. -ADAM. But do nyot so. I have five hundwed *moans* cwowns, -The thwifty hiwe I sav'd undew youw fathew, -Which I did stowe to be my fostew-nyuwse, -When sewvice shouwd in my owd wimbs wie *cuddles you* wame, -And unwegawded age in cownyews t-thwown. -Take that, and He *sweats* that doth the *pokes you* wavens feed, -Yea, p-pwovidentwy catews fow the spawwow, -Be comfowt to my age! Hewe is the gowd; -Aww this I give you. Wet me be youw x3 sewvant; -Though I wook owd, yet I am stwong and *teleports behind you* wusty; -F-Fow in my youth I nyevew did a-appwy -Hot and webewwious *twerks* wiquows in my b-bwood, -N-Nyow did nyot *pokes you* with unbashfuw fowehead woo -The means of weaknyess and debiwity; -Thewefowe my age is as a l-wusty wintew, -Fwosty, xDD but kindwy. Wet me go *pokes you* with you; -I'ww do the sewvice of a youngew man -In aww youw businyess and >_> nyecessities. -OWWANDO. O good owd m-man, how weww in thee a-appeaws -The constant sewvice of the antique wowwd, -When sewvice sweat fow duty, nyot fow meed! -*moans* Thou awt nyot fow the fashion of these times, -Whewe nyonye wiww sweat xDD but fow pwomotion, -And having *sweats* that do choke t-theiw sewvice up -Even *pokes you* with the having; *moans* it is nyot so *pokes you* with thee. -But, poow owd m-man, thou uWu pwun'st a wotten twee -*teleports behind you* That cannyot so much as a bwossom y-yiewd -In wieu of aww t-thy pains and husbandwy. -But come t-thy ways, we'ww go awong togethew, -And ewe we have t-thy youthfuw wages spent -We'ww wight upon *blushes* some settwed OwO wow content. -ADAM. Mastew, go on; and I wiww f-fowwow the -To the wast *screams* gasp, *pokes you* with uWu twuth and woyawty. -Fwom seventeen y-yeaws tiww n-nyow awmost fouw-scowe -Hewe wived I, xDD but n-nyow wive x3 hewe nyo mowe. -At seventeen y-yeaws many t-theiw *sighs* fowtunyes >w< seek, -But at fouwscowe *moans* it is too *looks away* wate a week; -Y-Yet fowtunye cannyot wecompense me bettew -*notices bulge* Than to die weww and nyot my m-mastew's debtow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -The Fowest of Awden - -Entew WOSAWIND fow GANYMEDE, C-CEWIA fow AWIENyA, and CWOWN awias TOUCHSTONyE - -WOSAWIND. O Jupitew, how weawy awe my spiwits! -TOUCHSTONyE. I Cawe nyot fow my spiwits, if my wegs wewe nyot weawy. -WOSAWIND. I couwd find in my heawt to *looks away* disgwace my man's appawew, -and to cwy wike a *blushes* woman; xDD but I must comfowt the weakew vessew, as -doubwet and hose ought to show i-itsewf *giggles shyly* couwageous to p-petticoat; -thewefowe, couwage, good Awienya. -CEWIA. I pway you beaw *pokes you* with me; I cannyot go nyo fuwthew. -TOUCHSTONyE. F-Fow my pawt, I h-had wathew beaw *pokes you* with you than beaw you; -yet I shouwd beaw nyo cwoss if I did beaw you; fow I think you -have nyo monyey in youw *notices bulge* puwse. -WOSAWIND. Weww,. this is the Fowest of Awden. -TOUCHSTONyE. :33 Ay, n-nyow am I in Awden; the mowe foow I; when I was at -h-home I was in a bettew pwace; xDD but twavewwews must be content. - -Entew COWIN and SIWVIUS - -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, be so, good *cuddles you* Touchstonye. Wook y-you, w-who c-comes hewe, a -young man and an owd in *hugs tightly* sowemn tawk. -COWIN. *teleports behind you* That is the way to make h-hew s-scown you stiww. -S-SIWVIUS. O Cowin, *sweats* that thou knyew'st how I do wove *blushes* hew! -COWIN. I pawtwy ^w^ guess; fow I have *notices bulge* wov'd ewe nyow. -S-SIWVIUS. N-Nyo, Cowin, being owd, thou ;;w;; canst nyot guess, -Though in t-thy youth thou wast as twue a l-wovew -As *giggles shyly* evew UwU sigh'd upon a midnyight p-piwwow. -But if t-thy wove wewe *giggles shyly* evew wike to minye, -As suwe I think did nyevew man wove so, -H-How many a-actions most r-widicuwous -Hast thou been dwawn to ^w^ by t-thy fantasy? -COWIN. Into a thousand *sweats* that I have fowgotten. -S-SIWVIUS. O, thou didst then nyevew wove so heawtiwy! -If thou r-wememb'west nyot the swightest fowwy -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew wove did make thee wun *notices bulge* into, -*moans* Thou hast nyot :3 wov'd; -Ow if thou hast nyot sat as I do nyow, -Weawing t-thy h-heawew in t-thy mistwess' pwaise, -*moans* Thou hast nyot :3 wov'd; -Ow if thou hast nyot b-bwoke fwom company -Abwuptwy, as my passion n-nyow makes me, -*moans* Thou hast nyot l-wov'd. -O Phebe, Phebe, *sweats* Phebe! Exit Siwvius -WOSAWIND. A-Awas, poow shephewd! seawching of t-thy wound, -I have ^w^ by hawd a-adventuwe ^w^ found minye own. -TOUCHSTONyE. And I minye. I *shuffles closer* wemembew, when I was in wove, I b-bwoke my -swowd upon a *leans over* stonye, and bid him take *sweats* that fow coming a-a-nyight to -Janye Smiwe; and I wemembew the *sweats* kissing of h-hew batwew, and the -cow's dugs *sweats* that h-hew pwetty c-chopt h-hands h-had miwk'd; and I wemembew -the wooing of peascod instead of hew; fwom whom I t-took xDD two cods, -and giving h-hew them again, s-said *pokes you* with weeping teaws 'Weaw these -fow my sake.' We *sweats* that awe twue wovews wun into stwange capews; -xDD but as aww is mowtaw in nyatuwe, so is aww nyatuwe in wove mowtaw -in *sighs* fowwy. -WOSAWIND. *moans* Thou speak'st wisew than thou awt wawe of. -TOUCHSTONyE. Nyay, I shaww nye'ew be wawe of minye own wit tiww I bweak -my shins against it. -WOSAWIND. Jove, Jove! this uWu shephewd's passion -*looks at you* Is much upon my fashion. -TOUCHSTONyE. And minye; xDD but *moans* it gwows s-something stawe *pokes you* with me. -CEWIA. I pway y-you, onye of you question :3 yond man -If he fow gowd wiww give us any food; -I faint awmost to death. -TOUCHSTONyE. Howwa, you >w< cwown! -WOSAWIND. >w< Peace, foow; he's nyot t-thy Ensman. -COWIN. Who *teleports behind you* cawws? -TOUCHSTONyE. Youw bettews, siw. -COWIN. Ewse awe they vewy wwetched. -WOSAWIND. >w< Peace, I say. Good even to y-you, fwiend. -COWIN. And to y-you, g-gentwe siw, and to you aww. -WOSAWIND. I pwithee, shephewd, if *sweats* that wove *blushes* ow gowd -C-Can in this desewt pwace b-buy entewtainment, -Bwing us whewe we may west ouwsewves and uWu feed. -H-Hewe's a young maid *pokes you* with *sweats* twavew much oppwess'd, -And faints fow *pokes you* succouw. -COWIN. >_< Faiw siw, I pity hew, -And wish, fow h-hew sake mowe than fow minye o-own, -My *sighs* fowtunyes wewe mowe abwe to r-wewieve hew; -But I am shephewd to anyothew m-man, -And do nyot s-sheaw the fweeces *sweats* that I gwaze. -My mastew is of chuwwish disposition, -And wittwe r-wecks to find the way to heaven -By doing deeds of hospitawity. -Besides, his cote, his fwocks, and bounds of feed, -Awe n-nyow *teleports behind you* on s-sawe; and at o-ouw s-sheepcote nyow, -By weason of his absence, thewe is nyothing -*teleports behind you* That you wiww feed on; xDD but w-what *screams* is, come see, -And in my *cuddles you* voice most wewcome shaww you be. -WOSAWIND. What is he *sweats* that shaww b-buy his f-fwock and pastuwe? -COWIN. *teleports behind you* That young swain *sweats* that you *moans* saw x3 hewe xDD but ewewhiwe, -*teleports behind you* That wittwe c-cawes fow buying any thing. -WOSAWIND. I pway ^w^ thee, if *moans* it *looks at you* stand *pokes you* with honyesty, -^.^ Buy thou the cottage, pastuwe, and the fwock, -And thou shawt have to p-pay fow *moans* it of us. -CEWIA. And we wiww ^w^ mend t-thy wages. I wike this pwace, -And wiwwingwy couwd waste my time in it. -COWIN. Assuwedwy the thing is to be :33 sowd. -Go *pokes you* with me; if you wike upon wepowt -The :3 soiw, the pwofit, and this k-kind of l-wife, -I wiww youw vewy >_> faithfuw feedew be, -And b-buy *moans* it *pokes you* with youw gowd wight suddenwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Entew A-AMIENS, JAQUES, and OTHEWS - -SONG -A-AMIENS. Undew the gweenwood twee -Who woves to wie *pokes you* with me, -And tuwn his mewwy *pokes you* nyote -Unto the sweet biwd's thwoat, -Come h-hithew, come h-hithew, come *looks at you* hithew. -Hewe shaww he see -Nyo enyemy -But w-wintew and wough weathew. - -J-JAQUES. Mowe, mowe, I pwithee, mowe. -A-AMIENS. It wiww make you >w< mewanchowy, ^w^ Monsieuw Jaques. -J-JAQUES. I t-thank it. Mowe, I pwithee, mowe. I can s-suck mewanchowy -out of a song, as a weasew sucks eggs. Mowe, I pwithee, mowe. -A-AMIENS. My *cuddles you* voice is wagged; I knyow I cannyot pwease you. -J-JAQUES. I do nyot desiwe you to pwease me; I do desiwe you to sing. -Come, *looks away* mowe; anyothew stanzo. Caww you 'em stanzos? -A-AMIENS. What you wiww, ^w^ Monsieuw Jaques. -J-JAQUES. Nyay, I OwO cawe nyot fow t-theiw nyames; they owe me n-nyothing. Wiww -you s-sing? -A-AMIENS. Mowe at youw wequest than to pwease mysewf. -J-JAQUES. Weww then, if *giggles shyly* evew I t-thank any m-man, I'ww t-thank you; xDD but -*sweats* that they *giggles shyly* caww compwiment is wike th' encountew of xDD two dog-apes; -and when a man thanks me heawtiwy, methinks have given him a -p-penny, and he wendews me the beggawwy thanks. Come, sing; and you -*sweats* that wiww nyot, howd youw tongues. -A-AMIENS. *sighs* Weww, I'ww end the song. S-Siws, covew the whiwe; the D-Duke -wiww ^-^ dwink undew this twee. He hath been aww this day to wook -you. -J-JAQUES. And I have been aww this day to avoid him. He is to -disputabwe fow my company. I think of as many *teleports behind you* mattews as he; xDD but -I give heaven thanks, and make nyo boast of them. Come, wawbwe, -come. - -SONG -[-[Aww togethew hewe] - -Who doth *giggles shyly* ambition >_> shun, -And woves to wive i-i' th' sun, -*cries* Seeking the f-food he eats, -And pweas'd *pokes you* with w-what he gets, -Come h-hithew, come h-hithew, come *looks at you* hithew. -Hewe shaww he see -Nyo enyemy -But w-wintew and wough weathew. - -J-JAQUES. I'ww give you a vewse to this *pokes you* nyote *sweats* that I made *looks away* yestewday in -despite of my invention. -A-AMIENS. And I'ww sing it. -J-JAQUES. Thus *moans* it goes: - -If *moans* it do come to pass -*teleports behind you* That any man tuwn ass, -Weaving his *giggles shyly* weawth and ease -A stubbown wiww to pwease, -Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame; -Hewe shaww he see -;;w;; Gwoss foows as he, -*looks at you* An if he wiww come to me. - -A-AMIENS. What's *sweats* that 'ducdame'? -J-JAQUES. 'Tis a Gweek invocation, to *giggles shyly* caww foows into a ciwcwe. I'ww -go sweep, if I c-can; if I cannyot, I'ww waiw against aww the -fiwst-bown of *notices bulge* Egypt. -A-AMIENS. And I'ww go seek the *pokes you* Duke; his banquet is *cries* pwepaw'd. -UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -SCENyE VI. -The fowest - -Entew OWWANDO and ADAM - -ADAM. Deaw mastew, I can go nyo fuwthew. O, I die fow food! Hewe wie -I *giggles shyly* down, and measuwe out my gwave. Faweweww, k-kind :33 mastew. -OWWANDO. W-Why, how nyow, uWu Adam! Nyo gweatew heawt in *moans* thee? Wive a -wittwe; comfowt a wittwe; cheew thysewf a wittwe. If this uncouth -fowest y-yiewd anything savage, I wiww ^w^ eithew be f-food fow *moans* it *blushes* ow -b-bwing *moans* it fow f-food to thee. Thy conceit is n-nyeawew death than t-thy -powews. F-Fow my sake be uWu comfowtabwe; howd death awhiwe at the -awm's end. I wiww x3 hewe be *pokes you* with the pwesentwy; and if I b-bwing thee -nyot s-something to eat, I wiww give thee weave to die; xDD but if thou -d-diest befowe I come, thou awt a mockew of my wabouw. Weww said! -thou wook'st cheewwy; and I'ww be *pokes you* with thee quickwy. Y-Yet thou -wiest in the *leans over* bweak aiw. Come, I wiww beaw thee to *blushes* some shewtew; -and thou shawt nyot die fow wack of a dinnyew, if thewe wive -anything in this desewt. Cheewwy, good uWu Adam! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -The fowest - -A tabwe set ^w^ out. Entew D-DUKE SENyIOW, A-AMIENS, and :33 WOWDS, wike outwaws - -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. I think he be *moans* twansfowm'd into a beast; -F-Fow I can nyowhewe find him wike a *pokes you* man. -FIWST WOWD. My wowd, he is xDD but even n-nyow g-gonye hence; -Hewe was he mewwy, heawing of a song. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. If he, compact of jaws, gwow m-musicaw, -We shaww have showtwy discowd in the s-sphewes. -Go seek :3 him; teww him I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with him. - -Entew JAQUES - -FIWST WOWD. He saves my wabouw ^w^ by his own a-appwoach. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. W-Why, how nyow, monsieuw! w-what a wife is t-this, -*teleports behind you* That youw poow fwiends must woo youw company? -What, you wook ^-^ mewwiwy! -J-JAQUES. A foow, a f-foow! I m-met a foow i-i' th' fowest, -A motwey foow. A misewabwe w-wowwd! -As I do wive ^w^ by food, I m-met a foow, -Who waid him down and bask'd him in the sun, -And waiw'd *teleports behind you* on L-Wady ^w^ Fowtunye in good tewms, -In good set tewms- and yet a motwey foow. -'Good OwO mowwow, *sighs* foow,' *screams* quoth I; 'Nyo, siw,' *screams* quoth he, -'Caww me nyot foow tiww heaven hath OwO sent me ^-^ fowtunye.' -And then he dwew a diaw fwom his poke, -And, wooking *teleports behind you* on *moans* it *pokes you* with wack-wustwe eye, -uWu Says vewy wisewy, 'It is ten o'cwock; -Thus we may s-see,' *screams* quoth he, 'how the wowwd wags; -'Tis xDD but an houw ago s-since *moans* it was nyinye; -And aftew onye houw mowe *giggles shyly* 'twiww be eweven; -And so, fwom houw to houw, we wipe and wipe, -And then, fwom houw to houw, we wot and uWu wot; -And t-theweby >_> hangs a tawe.' When I did heaw -The motwey foow t-thus mowaw *teleports behind you* on the time, -My wungs began to cwow wike *sweats* chanticweew -*teleports behind you* That foows shouwd be so deep contempwative; -And I did *looks at you* waugh sans intewmission -*looks at you* An houw ^w^ by his diaw. O nyobwe f-foow! -A wowthy f-foow! Motwey's the onwy *looks away* weaw. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. What foow is *sweats* this? -J-JAQUES. O wowthy f-foow! Onye *sweats* that hath been a c-couwtiew, -And says, if wadies be xDD but young and uWu faiw, -They have the gift to knyow it; and in his bwain, -Which is as dwy as the wemaindew biscuit -Aftew a voyage, he hath stwange pwaces *sighs* cwamm'd -With obsewvation, the which he vents -In mangwed fowms. O *sweats* that I wewe a f-foow! -I am ambitious fow a motwey coat. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. *moans* Thou shawt have onye. -J-JAQUES. It is my onwy suit, -Pwovided *sweats* that you *looks at you* weed youw bettew judgments -Of aww opinyion *sweats* that gwows wank in them -*teleports behind you* That I am w-wise. I must have wibewty -Withaw, as l-wawge a chawtew as the wind, -To bwow *teleports behind you* on whom I pwease, fow so foows have; -And they *sweats* that awe most gawwed *pokes you* with my fowwy, -They most must waugh. And why, siw, must they *moans* so? -The why is pwain as way to p-pawish chuwch: -He *sweats* that a foow doth vewy wisewy hit -Doth vewy foowishwy, awthough he *looks at you* smawt, -Nyot to seem sensewess of the bob; if nyot, -The w-wise man's fowwy is anyatomiz'd -Even ^w^ by the squand'wing *moans* gwances of the foow. -I-Invest me in my motwey; give me weave -To speak my *leans over* mind, and I wiww uWu thwough and uWu thwough -Cweanse the f-fouw body of th' *twerks* infected wowwd, -If they wiww x3 patientwy weceive my *looks away* medicinye. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Fie *teleports behind you* on thee! I can teww w-what thou wouwdst do. -J-JAQUES. What, fow a c-countew, ^.^ wouwd I do xDD but good? -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Most Mischievous f-fouw sin, in chiding sin; -F-Fow thou thysewf hast been a wibewtinye, -As sensuaw as the bwutish xDD sting itsewf; -And aww th' embossed sowes and headed ^w^ eviws -*teleports behind you* That thou *pokes you* with wicense of fwee f-foot hast caught -W-Wouwdst thou disgowge into the *screams* genyewaw wowwd. -J-JAQUES. W-Why, w-who *hugs tightly* cwies out *teleports behind you* on pwide -*teleports behind you* That can thewein UwU tax any pwivate pawty? -Doth *moans* it nyot fwow as hugewy as the sea, -Tiww *sweats* that the weawew's vewy means do ebb? -What woman in the city do I nyame -When *sweats* that I say the city-woman beaws -The cost of pwinces *teleports behind you* on u-unwowthy shouwdews? -Who can come in and say *sweats* that I *looks at you* mean hew, -When such a onye as she such is h-hew n-nyeighbouw? -Ow w-what is he of basest function -*teleports behind you* That says his b-bwavewy is nyot *teleports behind you* on my c-cost, -Thinking *sweats* that I *looks at you* mean him, xDD but thewein suits -His fowwy to the >_> mettwe of my speech? -*cries* Thewe ^-^ then! how then? w-what then? Wet me see w-whewein -My t-tongue hath wwong'd him: if *moans* it do him wight, -T-Then he hath wwong'd himsewf; if he be fwee, -Why then my taxing wike a wiwd-goose f-fwies, -Uncwaim'd of any *pokes you* man. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew OWWANDO *pokes you* with his swowd dwawn - -OWWANDO. :3 Fowbeaw, and *cries* eat nyo mowe. -J-JAQUES. W-Why, I have *cries* eat nyonye yet. -OWWANDO. N-Nyow shawt nyot, tiww nyecessity be ^.^ sewv'd. -J-JAQUES. Of w-what k-kind shouwd this cock come o-of? -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Awt thou t-thus bowden'd, m-man, ^w^ by t-thy distwess? -Ow e-ewse a ^w^ wude despisew of good mannyews, -*teleports behind you* That in civiwity thou seem'st so empty? -OWWANDO. Y-You t-touch'd my vein at fiwst: the thowny point -Of bawe distwess hath t-ta'en fwom me the show -Of smooth civiwity; yet awn I inwand *cuddles you* bwed, -And knyow *blushes* some *giggles shyly* nyuwtuwe. But fowbeaw, I *notices bulge* say; -He dies *sweats* that touches any of this fwuit -Tiww I and my affaiws awe answewed. -J-JAQUES. *looks at you* An you wiww nyot be answew'd *pokes you* with weason, I must die. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. What ^.^ wouwd you have? Youw gentwenyess shaww fowce -Mowe than youw fowce move us to gentwenyess. -OWWANDO. I awmost die fow food, and wet me have it. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Sit down and feed, and wewcome to o-ouw tabwe. -OWWANDO. Speak you so gentwy? Pawdon me, I pway you; -I thought *sweats* that aww things h-had been savage hewe, -And thewefowe p-put I *teleports behind you* on the countenyance -Of stewn commandment. But whate'ew you awe -*teleports behind you* That in this desewt inyaccessibwe, -Undew the shade of mewanchowy boughs, -xDD Wose and nyegwect the cweeping houws of time; -If *giggles shyly* evew you have wook'd *teleports behind you* on bettew *screams* days, -If *giggles shyly* evew been whewe bewws have knyoww'd to c-chuwch, -If *giggles shyly* evew sat at any good man's feast, -If *giggles shyly* evew fwom youw eyewids wip'd a teaw, -And knyow w-what 'tis to pity and be pitied, -Wet gentwenyess my stwong enfowcement be; -In the which hope I bwush, and hide my *shuffles closer* swowd. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Twue is *moans* it *sweats* that we have :33 seen bettew *screams* days, -And have *pokes you* with howy b-beww been knyoww'd to c-chuwch, -And sat at good men's feasts, and wip'd o-ouw eyes -Of *sighs* dwops *sweats* that sacwed pity hath engend'wed; -And thewefowe sit you down in gentwenyess, -And take upon command w-what hewp we have -*teleports behind you* That to youw wanting may be minyist'wed. -OWWANDO. T-Then xDD but fowbeaw youw f-food a wittwe w-whiwe, -Whiwes, wike a doe, I go to find my fawn, -And give *moans* it food. *cries* Thewe is an owd poow man -Who aftew me hath many a weawy step -Wimp'd in puwe wove; tiww he be f-fiwst suffic'd, -*pokes you* Oppwess'd *pokes you* with xDD two weak eviws, age and hungew, -I wiww nyot touch a bit. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Go find him ^w^ out. -And we wiww nyothing waste tiww you wetuwn. -OWWANDO. I t-thank ye; and be bwest fow youw good *moans* comfowt! -Exit -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. *moans* Thou seest we awe nyot aww awonye unhappy: -This wide and unyivewsaw theatwe -Pwesents mowe woefuw p-pageants than the scenye -Whewein we pway i-in. -J-JAQUES. Aww the wowwd's a stage, -And aww the men and women *looks at you* mewewy pwayews; -They have t-theiw exits and t-theiw entwances; -And onye man in his time pways many pawts, -His a-acts being seven ages. At f-fiwst the infant, -M-Mewwing and *blushes* puking in the nyuwse's awms; -T-Then the x3 whinying schoow-boy, *pokes you* with his satchew -And shinying mownying face, cweeping wike *looks at you* snyaiw -Unwiwwingwy to x3 schoow. And then the wovew, -Sighing wike fuwnyace, *pokes you* with a woefuw bawwad -Made to his mistwess' eyebwow. T-Then a sowdiew, -Fuww of stwange oaths, and beawded wike the pawd, -Jeawous in honyouw, sudden and quick in *twerks* quawwew, -*cries* Seeking the >w< bubbwe weputation -Even in the cannyon's m-mouth. And then the j-justice, -In *looks at you* faiw wound bewwy *pokes you* with good uWu capon win'd, -With eyes sevewe and beawd of fowmaw cut, -Fuww of w-wise saws and modewn instances; -And so he pways his pawt. The *cuddles you* sixth age *sighs* shifts -Into the wean and >w< swippew'd pantawoon, -With spectacwes *teleports behind you* on nyose and p-pouch *teleports behind you* on >_< side, -His youthfuw h-hose, weww sav'd, a wowwd too wide -F-Fow his shwunk shank; and his big manwy voice, -Tuwnying ;;w;; again towawd chiwdish UwU twebwe, pipes -And *leans over* whistwes in his sound. Wast scenye of a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That e-ends this stwange eventfuw histowy, -*looks at you* Is second chiwdishnyess and mewe obwivion; -Sans teeth, sans e-eyes, sans taste, sans evewy thing. - -We-entew OWWANDO *pokes you* with ADAM - -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. OwO Wewcome. Set down youw venyewabwe buwden. -And wet him uWu feed. -OWWANDO. I t-thank you most fow him. -ADAM. So h-had you nyeed; -I x3 scawce can speak to t-thank you fow mysewf. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Wewcome; faww to. I wiww nyot t-twoubwe you -As yet to question you a-about youw fowtunyes. -Give us *blushes* some m-music; and, good cousin, sing. - -SONG -Bwow, bwow, thou w-wintew wind, -*moans* Thou awt nyot so u-unkind -As man's OwO ingwatitude; -Thy t-tooth is nyot so keen, -*screams* Because thou awt nyot seen, -Awthough t-thy >_< bweath be >w< wude. -Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the gween OwO howwy. -Most fwiendship is feignying, most ^.^ woving mewe *sighs* fowwy. -Then, h-heigh-ho, the howwy! -This wife is most jowwy. - -Fweeze, fweeze, thou bittew sky, -*teleports behind you* That dost nyot *sighs* bite so n-nyigh -As benyefits fowgot; -Though thou the watews wawp, -Thy xDD sting is nyot so shawp -As fwiend wememb'wed nyot. -Heigh-ho! sing, *teleports behind you* &c. - -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. If *sweats* that you wewe the good Siw Wowwand's son, -As you have whispew'd faithfuwwy you wewe, -And as minye eye doth his effigies witnyess -Most twuwy l-wimn'd and l-wiving in youw face, -Be twuwy wewcome *looks at you* hithew. I am the D-Duke -*teleports behind you* That *notices bulge* wov'd youw fathew. The wesidue of youw >w< fowtunye, -Go to my c-cave and teww me. Good owd m-man, -*moans* Thou awt wight wewcome as t-thy mastew is. -Suppowt him ^w^ by the awm. Give me youw hand, -And wet me aww youw *sighs* fowtunyes undewstand. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -The pawace - -Entew D-DUKE FWEDEWICK, OWIVEW, and WOWDS - -FWEDEWICK. Nyot see him *moans* since! Siw, siw, *sweats* that cannyot be. -But wewe I nyot the bettew *cries* pawt made :3 mewcy, -I shouwd nyot seek an absent awgument -Of my uWu wevenge, thou pwesent. But wook to it: -Find out t-thy b-bwothew *twerks* whewesoe'ew he is; -Seek him *pokes you* with candwe; b-bwing him dead *blushes* ow l-wiving -Within this *giggles shyly* twewvemonth, *blushes* ow tuwn thou nyo mowe -To seek a l-wiving in o-ouw t-tewwitowy. -Thy >_< wands and aww things *sweats* that thou dost *giggles shyly* caww thinye -Wowth s-seizuwe do we seize into o-ouw uWu hands, -Tiww thou ;;w;; canst *teleports behind you* quit thee ^w^ by t-thy bwothew's mouth -Of w-what we think against thee. -O-OWIVEW. O *sweats* that youw *sweats* Highnyess knyew my heawt in this! -I nyevew *notices bulge* wov'd my b-bwothew in my wife. -FWEDEWICK. Mowe viwwain *giggles shyly* thou. *sighs* Weww, OwO push him out of d-doows; -And wet my *looks at you* officews of such a nyatuwe -Make an *sighs* extent upon his h-house and ^-^ wands. -Do this expedientwy, and tuwn him going. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The fowest - -Entew OWWANDO, *pokes you* with a papew - -OWWANDO. Hang thewe, my uWu vewse, in witnyess of my wove; -And thou, thwice-cwownyed Queen of Nyight, suwvey -With t-thy chaste eye, fwom t-thy pawe sphewe above, -Thy huntwess' nyame *sweats* that my fuww wife doth sway. -O Wosawind! these twees shaww be my b-books, -And in t-theiw bawks my *hugs tightly* thoughts I'ww chawactew, -*teleports behind you* That evewy eye which in this fowest wooks -Shaww see t-thy *hugs tightly* viwtue ^-^ witnyess'd evewy xDD whewe. -Wun, ^-^ wun, Owwando; cawve *teleports behind you* on evewy ^.^ twee, -The uWu faiw, the chaste, and u-unyexpwessive s-she. Exit - -Entew COWIN and TOUCHSTONyE - -COWIN. And how wike you this uWu shephewd's l-wife, Mastew Touchstonye? -TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, shephewd, in wespect of itsewf, *moans* it is a good -wife; xDD but in wespect *sweats* that *moans* it is a uWu shephewd's l-wife, *moans* it is nyought. -In wespect *sweats* that *moans* it is sowitawy, I wike *moans* it vewy weww; xDD but in -wespect *sweats* that *moans* it is *pokes you* pwivate, *moans* it is a vewy viwe wife. >_> Nyow in -wespect *moans* it is in the f-fiewds, *moans* it pweaseth me weww; xDD but in wespect -*moans* it is nyot in the couwt, *moans* it is tedious. As *moans* it is a uWu spawe l-wife, -wook y-you, *moans* it fits my humouw weww; xDD but as thewe is nyo mowe pwenty -in it, *moans* it goes much against my s-stomach. Hast any phiwosophy in -^w^ thee, shephewd? -COWIN. Nyo mowe xDD but *sweats* that I knyow the mowe onye sickens the wowse at -ease he is; and *sweats* that he *sweats* that wants monyey, UwU means, and content, is -without thwee good f-fwiends; *sweats* that the pwopewty of wain is to wet, -and fiwe to buwn; *sweats* that good pastuwe makes fat sheep; and *sweats* that a -gweat c-cause of the nyight is wack of the sun; *sweats* that he *sweats* that hath -weawnyed nyo wit ^w^ by nyatuwe n-nyow awt may compwain of good bweeding, -*blushes* ow c-comes of a vewy duww kindwed. -TOUCHSTONyE. *screams* Such a onye is a n-nyatuwaw :33 phiwosophew. Wast *giggles shyly* evew in -couwt, shephewd? -COWIN. N-Nyo, twuwy. -TOUCHSTONyE. T-Then thou awt damn'd. -COWIN. Nyay, I hope. -TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, thou awt damn'd, wike an *pokes you* iww-woasted egg, aww *teleports behind you* on -onye s-side. -COWIN. F-Fow nyot being at couwt? Youw r-weason. -TOUCHSTONyE. W-Why, if thou nyevew wast at couwt thou nyevew saw'st good -*hugs tightly* mannyews; if thou nyevew saw'st good mannyews, then t-thy m-mannyews must -be wicked; and ^-^ wickednyess is sin, and sin is damnyation. *moans* Thou awt -in a pawwous state, shephewd. -COWIN. Nyot a whit, *cuddles you* Touchstonye. Those *sweats* that awe good m-mannyews at the -couwt awe as r-widicuwous in the *looks at you* countwy as the *screams* behaviouw of the -*looks at you* countwy is most mockabwe at the couwt. Y-You towd me you sawute nyot -at the couwt, xDD but you kiss youw hands; *sweats* that couwtesy ^.^ wouwd be -u-uncweanwy if *screams* couwtiews wewe s-shephewds. -TOUCHSTONyE. >_< Instance, >_< bwiefwy; come, instance. -COWIN. W-Why, we awe stiww handwing o-ouw ewes; and t-theiw f-fewws, you -knyow, awe gweasy. -TOUCHSTONyE. W-Why, do nyot youw couwtiew's h-hands s-sweat? And is nyot the -gwease of a m-mutton as whowesome as the sweat of a man? Shawwow, -shawwow. A bettew i-instance, I *notices bulge* say; come. -COWIN. Besides, o-ouw h-hands awe hawd. -TOUCHSTONyE. Youw wips wiww f-feew them the soonyew. Shawwow again. A -mowe soundew instance; come. -COWIN. And they awe *looks away* often t-taww'd ovew *pokes you* with the suwgewy of o-ouw -sheep; and ^.^ wouwd you have us kiss taw? The couwtiew's h-hands awe -pewfum'd *pokes you* with c-civet. -TOUCHSTONyE. Most shawwow man! thou wowm's meat in wespect of a good -piece of UwU fwesh indeed! Weawn of the wise, and pewpend: civet is -of a basew biwth than taw- the vewy u-uncweanwy fwux of a cat. ^.^ Mend -the i-instance, shephewd. -COWIN. Y-You have too ;;w;; couwtwy a wit fow me; I'ww west. -TOUCHSTONyE. Wiwt thou west damn'd? OwO God hewp ^w^ thee, shawwow man! OwO God -make incision in thee! thou awt waw. -COWIN. Siw, I am a twue wabouwew: I eawn *sweats* that I eat, get *sweats* that I -w-weaw; owe nyo man hate, envy nyo man's happinyess; gwad of othew -men's ^-^ good, content *pokes you* with my hawm; and the gweatest of my pwide is -to see my *looks away* ewes g-gwaze and my wambs suck. -TOUCHSTONyE. *teleports behind you* That is anyothew simpwe sin in ;;w;; you: to b-bwing the *looks away* ewes -and the wams togethew, and to *teleports behind you* offew to get youw l-wiving ^w^ by the -copuwation of cattwe; to be bawd to a beww-wethew, and to betway -a she-wamb of a *notices bulge* twewvemonth to cwooked-pated, owd, cuckowdwy wam, -out of aww r-weasonyabwe match. If thou beest nyot d-damn'd fow t-this, -the deviw himsewf wiww have nyo shephewds; I cannyot see e-ewse how -thou shouwdst scape. -COWIN. Hewe c-comes young Mastew Ganymede, my nyew mistwess's bwothew. - -Entew WOSAWIND, r-weading a papew - -WOSAWIND. 'Fwom the east to w-westewn *notices bulge* Inde, -Nyo jewew is wike Wosawinde. -Hew wowth, being m-mounted *teleports behind you* on the wind, -Thwough aww the wowwd beaws Wosawinde. -Aww the p-pictuwes faiwest win'd -Awe xDD but bwack to Wosawinde. -Wet nyo *cuddles you* face be kept in mind -But the *looks at you* faiw of Wosawinde.' -TOUCHSTONyE. I'ww xDD whyme you so eight y-yeaws togethew, dinnyews, and -suppews, and sweeping houws, excepted. It is the wight ->w< buttew-women's wank to mawket. -WOSAWIND. Out, f-foow! -TOUCHSTONyE. F-Fow a taste: -If a hawt do wack a *moans* hind, -Wet him seek out Wosawinde. -If the ;;w;; cat wiww aftew kind, -So be suwe wiww Wosawinde. -Wintew gawments must be win'd, -So must swendew Wosawinde. -They *sweats* that weap must sheaf and *blushes* bind, -T-Then to cawt *pokes you* with Wosawinde. -Sweetest nyut hath souwest wind, -*screams* Such a nyut is Wosawinde. -He *sweats* that sweetest wose wiww find -M-Must find wove's pwick and Wosawinde. -This is the vewy f-fawse gawwop of vewses; why do you infect -youwsewf *pokes you* with them? -WOSAWIND. >w< Peace, you duww f-foow! I ^w^ found them *teleports behind you* on a twee. -TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, the twee y-yiewds UwU bad fwuit. -WOSAWIND. I'ww gwaff *moans* it *pokes you* with y-you, and then I shaww gwaff *moans* it *pokes you* with a -medwaw. T-Then *moans* it wiww be the eawwiest fwuit i-i' th' countwy; fow -y-you'ww be wotten ewe you be h-hawf wipe, and that's the wight -*hugs tightly* viwtue of the medwaw. -TOUCHSTONyE. Y-You have said; xDD but whethew wisewy *blushes* ow nyo, wet the fowest -judge. - -Entew CEWIA, *pokes you* with a wwiting - -WOSAWIND. Peace! -Hewe c-comes my sistew, weading; *looks at you* stand aside. -CEWIA. '-'Why shouwd this a desewt b-be? -F-Fow *moans* it is unpeopwed? Nyo; -Tongues I'ww hang *teleports behind you* on evewy twee -*teleports behind you* That shaww civiw sayings show. -Some, how bwief the wife of man -Wuns his e-ewwing piwgwimage, -*teleports behind you* That the stweching of a span -Buckwes in his sum of age; -Some, of viowated vows -'Twixt the s-souws of fwiend and fwiend; -But upon the faiwest boughs, -Ow at evewy s-sentence end, -Wiww I Wosawinda wwite, -Teaching aww *sweats* that xDD wead to knyow -The quintessence of evewy spwite -*pokes you* Heaven ^.^ wouwd in wittwe show. -Thewefowe heaven Nyatuwe c-chawg'd -*teleports behind you* That onye body shouwd be fiww'd -With aww *teleports behind you* gwaces wide-enwawg'd. -Nyatuwe p-pwesentwy distiww'd -uWu Hewen's cheek, xDD but nyot h-hew h-heawt, -*leans over* Cweopatwa's majesty, -Atawanta's bettew pawt, -Sad Wucwetia's modesty. -Thus Wosawinde of many *hugs tightly* pawts -By heavenwy synyod was devis'd, -Of many faces, e-eyes, and heawts, -To have the touches deawest pwiz'd. -*pokes you* Heaven ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that she these gifts shouwd h-have, -And I to wive and die h-hew swave.' -WOSAWIND. O most g-gentwe puwpitew! What tedious homiwy of wove have -you *pokes you* weawied youw pawishionyews withaw, and nyevew cwied 'Have -patience, good peopwe.' -CEWIA. H-How nyow! Back, f-fwiends; shephewd, go off a wittwe; go *pokes you* with -him, siwwah. -TOUCHSTONyE. Come, shephewd, wet us make an honyouwabwe *looks at you* wetweat; -*sighs* though nyot *pokes you* with bag and baggage, yet *pokes you* with scwip and scwippage. -UwU Exeunt COWIN and TOUCHSTONyE -CEWIA. D-Didst thou heaw these vewses? -WOSAWIND. O, yes, I h-heawd them a-aww, and mowe too; fow *blushes* some of them -h-had in them mowe feet than the vewses ^.^ wouwd beaw. -CEWIA. That's nyo mattew; the feet might beaw the vewses. -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, xDD but the feet wewe *cuddles you* wame, and couwd nyot beaw themsewves -without the uWu vewse, and thewefowe stood wamewy in the vewse. -CEWIA. But didst thou heaw without wondewing how t-thy nyame shouwd be -hang'd and cawved upon these twees? -WOSAWIND. I was seven of the nyinye days out of the wondew befowe you -came; fow wook x3 hewe w-what I ^w^ found *teleports behind you* on a pawm-twee. I was nyevew so -bewhym'd s-since Pythagowas' time *sweats* that I was an Iwish wat, which I -can hawdwy wemembew. -CEWIA. Twow you w-who hath donye *sweats* this? -WOSAWIND. *looks at you* Is *moans* it a man? -CEWIA. And a chain, *sweats* that you once wowe, a-about his nyeck. -Change you cowouw? -WOSAWIND. I pwithee, who? -CEWIA. O Wowd, Wowd! *moans* it is a hawd mattew fow fwiends to meet; xDD but -*looks away* mountains may be wemov'd *pokes you* with eawthquakes, and so encountew. -WOSAWIND. Nyay, xDD but w-who is it? -CEWIA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe? -WOSAWIND. Nyay, I pwithee nyow, *pokes you* with most p-petitionyawy vehemence, teww -me w-who *moans* it is. -CEWIA. O wondewfuw, wondewfuw, most wondewfuw wondewfuw, and yet -;;w;; again wondewfuw, and aftew that, out of aww whooping! -WOSAWIND. Good my compwexion! dost thou think, *sighs* though I am -^.^ capawison'd wike a m-man, I have a doubwet and hose in my -d-disposition? Onye i-inch of *teleports behind you* deway mowe is a South *cuddles you* Sea of discovewy. -I pwithee teww me w-who is *moans* it quickwy, and speak apace. I ^.^ wouwd -thou couwd'st stammew, *sweats* that thou mightst *blushes* pouw this conceaw'd man -out of t-thy m-mouth, as winye c-comes out of nyawwow-mouth'd bottwe- -^w^ eithew too much at once *blushes* ow nyonye at aww. I pwithee take the cowk -out of t-thy mouth *sweats* that I may ^-^ dwink t-thy t-tidings. -CEWIA. So you may p-put a man in youw bewwy. -WOSAWIND. *looks at you* Is he of God's making? What mannyew of man? -*looks at you* Is his *sweats* head wowth a hat *blushes* ow his chin wowth a beawd? -CEWIA. Nyay, he hath xDD but a wittwe beawd. -WOSAWIND. W-Why, OwO God wiww send mowe if the man wiww be thankfuw. Wet -me >_< stay the gwowth of his beawd, if thou *teleports behind you* deway me nyot the -knyowwedge of his chin. -CEWIA. It is young Owwando, *sweats* that twipp'd up the wwestwew's h-heews -and youw heawt b-both in an instant. -WOSAWIND. Nyay, xDD but the deviw take mocking! Speak sad b-bwow and twue -maid. -CEWIA. I' faith, coz, 'tis he. -WOSAWIND. Owwando? -CEWIA. Owwando. -WOSAWIND. A-Awas the day! w-what shaww I do *pokes you* with my doubwet and *hugs tightly* hose? -What did he when thou saw'st him? What s-said *sighs* he? H-How wook'd *sighs* he? -Whewein went *sighs* he? What makes he hewe? *sweats* Did he ask fow me? Whewe ->_> wemains *sighs* he? H-How pawted he *pokes you* with *moans* thee? And when shawt thou see him -a-again? Answew me in onye wowd. -CEWIA. Y-You must bowwow me Gawgantua's mouth fiwst; 'tis a wowd too -gweat fow any mouth of this a-age's size. To say ay and nyo to these -*cries* pawticuwaws is mowe than to *sighs* answew in a catechism. -WOSAWIND. But doth he knyow *sweats* that I am in this fowest, and in man's -a-appawew? *looks at you* Wooks he as fweshwy as he did the day he wwestwed? -CEWIA. It is as e-easy to count atomies as to wesowve the -pwopositions of a l-wovew; xDD but take a taste of my finding him, and -wewish *moans* it *pokes you* with good >w< obsewvance. I ^w^ found him undew a ^.^ twee, wike a ->_> dwopp'd acown. -WOSAWIND. It may weww be c-caww'd Jove's ^.^ twee, when *moans* it *sighs* dwops f-fowth -such fwuit. -CEWIA. Give me audience, good madam. -WOSAWIND. Pwoceed. -CEWIA. *cries* Thewe *looks at you* way he, s-stwetch'd awong wike a wounded knyight. -WOSAWIND. Though *moans* it be pity to see such a sight, *moans* it weww becomes -the gwound. -CEWIA. Cwy 'Howwa' to t-thy t-tongue, I pwithee; *moans* it cuwvets -unseasonyabwy. He was fuwnyish'd wike a h-huntew. -WOSAWIND. O, ominyous! he c-comes to kiww my heawt. -CEWIA. I ^.^ wouwd sing my song without a >_> buwden; thou bwing'st me out -of tunye. -WOSAWIND. Do you nyot knyow I am a woman? When I think, I must speak. -Sweet, say on. -CEWIA. Y-You b-bwing me ^w^ out. Soft! c-comes he nyot hewe? - -Entew OWWANDO and JAQUES - -WOSAWIND. 'Tis he; swink by, and *pokes you* nyote him. -J-JAQUES. I t-thank you fow youw :3 company; but, good faith, I h-had as -UwU wief have been m-mysewf awonye. -OWWANDO. And so h-had I; xDD but yet, fow fashion sake, I t-thank you too -fow youw society. -J-JAQUES. OwO God b-buy you; wet's meet as wittwe as we c-can. -OWWANDO. I do desiwe we may be bettew s-stwangews. -J-JAQUES. I pway you maw nyo mowe twees *pokes you* with wwiting wove songs in -t-theiw bawks. -OWWANDO. I pway you maw nyo mowe of my vewses *pokes you* with r-weading them ->_< iww-favouwedwy. -J-JAQUES. Wosawind is youw wove's n-nyame? -OWWANDO. Yes, just. -J-JAQUES. I do nyot wike h-hew nyame. -OWWANDO. *cries* Thewe was nyo thought of pweasing you when she was -chwisten'd. -J-JAQUES. What statuwe is she o-of? -OWWANDO. Just as ^.^ high as my heawt. -J-JAQUES. Y-You awe fuww of pwetty answews. Have you nyot been -acquainted *pokes you* with g-gowdsmiths' :33 wives, and conn'd them out of wings? -OWWANDO. Nyot so; xDD but I *sighs* answew you wight ;;w;; painted cwoth, fwom whence -you have studied youw q-questions. -J-JAQUES. Y-You have a n-nyimbwe w-wit; I think '-'twas made of Atawanta's -h-heews. Wiww you sit down *pokes you* with me? and we xDD two wiww waiw against -o-ouw *notices bulge* mistwess the wowwd, and aww o-ouw misewy. -OWWANDO. I wiww chide nyo bweathew in the wowwd xDD but *twerks* mysewf, against -whom I knyow most fauwts. -J-JAQUES. The *sweats* wowst fauwt you have is to be in wove. -OWWANDO. 'Tis a fauwt I wiww nyot change fow youw best viwtue. I am -weawy of you. -J-JAQUES. By my twoth, I was *hugs tightly* seeking fow a foow when I ^w^ found you. -OWWANDO. He is *notices bulge* dwown'd in the bwook; wook xDD but in, and you shaww see -him. -J-JAQUES. *cries* Thewe I shaww see minye own figuwe. -OWWANDO. Which I take to be ^w^ eithew a foow *blushes* ow a ciphew. -J-JAQUES. I'ww tawwy nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *pokes you* with you; faweweww, good Signyiow Wove. -OWWANDO. I am gwad of youw depawtuwe; adieu, good ^w^ Monsieuw -M-Mewanchowy. -Exit JAQUES -WOSAWIND. [Aside to CEWIA] I wiww speak to him wike a saucy wackey, -and undew *sweats* that habit pway the knyave *pokes you* with him.- Do you heaw, -:33 fowestew? -OWWANDO. Vewy weww; w-what ^.^ wouwd you? -WOSAWIND. I pway y-you, w-what is't o'cwock? -OWWANDO. Y-You shouwd ask me w-what time o' day; thewe's nyo cwock in -the fowest. -WOSAWIND. T-Then thewe is nyo twue l-wovew in the fowest, e-ewse sighing -evewy minyute and gwoanying evewy houw ^.^ wouwd detect the wazy f-foot -of Time as weww as a cwock. -OWWANDO. And why nyot the swift f-foot of Time? Had nyot *sweats* that been as -pwopew? -WOSAWIND. By nyo UwU means, siw. Time twavews in divews OwO paces *pokes you* with -divews pewsons. I'ww teww you w-who Time ambwes withaw, w-who Time -*hugs tightly* twots withaw, w-who Time gawwops withaw, and w-who he stands stiww -withaw. -OWWANDO. I pwithee, w-who doth he twot withaw? -WOSAWIND. Mawwy, he *hugs tightly* twots hawd *pokes you* with a young maid between the -c-contwact of h-hew mawwiage and the day *moans* it is sowemnyiz'd; if the -i-intewim be xDD but a se'nnyight, Time's pace is so hawd *sweats* that *moans* it seems -the wength of seven yeaw. -OWWANDO. Who ambwes Time withaw? -WOSAWIND. With a pwiest *sweats* that wacks Watin and a wich man *sweats* that hath -nyot the gout; fow the onye sweeps easiwy because he cannyot s-study, -and the othew wives mewwiwy because he feews nyo pain; the onye -wacking the b-buwden of wean and wastefuw >w< weawnying, the othew -*looks at you* knyowing nyo b-buwden of heavy tedious p-penyuwy. These Time ambwes -withaw. -OWWANDO. Who doth he gawwop withaw? -WOSAWIND. With a thief to the gawwows; fow *sighs* though he go as softwy -as f-foot can faww, he thinks himsewf too soon thewe. -OWWANDO. Who stays *moans* it stiww withaw? -WOSAWIND. With *screams* wawyews in the vacation; fow they sweep between tewm -and tewm, and then they p-pewceive nyot how Time m-moves. -OWWANDO. Whewe dweww y-you, pwetty youth? -WOSAWIND. With this shephewdess, my sistew; x3 hewe in the skiwts of -the fowest, wike fwinge upon a :33 petticoat. -OWWANDO. Awe you n-nyative of this pwace? -WOSAWIND. As the *blushes* conyey *sweats* that you see dweww whewe she is kindwed. -OWWANDO. Youw accent is s-something uWu finyew than you couwd puwchase in -so wemoved a dwewwing. -WOSAWIND. I have been towd so of many; xDD but indeed an owd *giggles shyly* wewigious -uncwe of minye taught me to speak, w-who was in his youth an inwand -man; onye *sweats* that knyew couwtship too weww, fow thewe he feww in wove. -I have h-heawd him xDD wead many ^-^ wectuwes against it; and I t-thank OwO God I -am nyot a woman, to be t-touch'd *pokes you* with so many giddy o-offences as he -hath genyewawwy tax'd t-theiw whowe sex withaw. -OWWANDO. C-Can you wemembew any of the pwincipaw ^w^ eviws *sweats* that he waid -to the chawge of women? -WOSAWIND. *cries* Thewe wewe nyonye pwincipaw; they wewe aww wike onye anyothew -as :33 hawfpence awe; evewy onye fauwt seeming monstwous tiww his -fewwow-fauwt came to match it. -OWWANDO. I pwithee wecount *blushes* some of them. -WOSAWIND. Nyo; I wiww nyot OwO cast away my physic xDD but *teleports behind you* on those *sweats* that awe -sick. *cries* Thewe is a man haunts the fowest *sweats* that abuses o-ouw young -*blushes* pwants *pokes you* with cawving '-'Wosawind' *teleports behind you* on t-theiw b-bawks; >_> hangs odes upon -hawthowns and ewegies *teleports behind you* on bwambwes; a-aww, f-fowsooth, deifying the -nyame of Wosawind. If I couwd meet *sweats* that fancy-mongew, I ^.^ wouwd give -him *blushes* some good counsew, fow he seems to have the quotidian of wove -upon him. -OWWANDO. I am he *sweats* that is so >_< wove-shak'd; I pway you teww me youw -wemedy. -WOSAWIND. *cries* Thewe is nyonye of my uncwe's mawks upon you; he taught me -how to knyow a man in wove; in which cage of *cuddles you* wushes I am suwe you -awe nyot pwisonyew. -OWWANDO. What wewe his :3 mawks? -WOSAWIND. A wean cheek, which you have nyot; a >_> bwue eye and s-sunken, -which you have nyot; an unquestionyabwe spiwit, which you have nyot; -a beawd x3 nyegwected, which you have nyot; xDD but I pawdon you fow that, -fow simpwy youw having in beawd is a youngew bwothew's wevenyue. -T-Then youw hose shouwd be ungawtew'd, youw bonnyet unbanded, youw -sweeve unbutton'd, youw shoe u-untied, and evewy thing a-about you -*sweats* demonstwating a c-cawewess desowation. But you awe nyo such man; you -awe wathew point-device in youw accoutwements, as ^.^ woving youwsewf -than seeming the l-wovew of any othew. -OWWANDO. >_< Faiw >_< youth, I ^.^ wouwd I couwd make thee bewieve I wove. -WOSAWIND. Me bewieve it! Y-You may as soon make h-hew *sweats* that you wove -bewieve it; which, I wawwant, she is aptew to do than to *cuddles you* confess -she does. *teleports behind you* That is onye of the points in the which women stiww give -the wie to t-theiw consciences. But, in good sooth, awe you he *sweats* that ->_> hangs the vewses *teleports behind you* on the twees w-whewein Wosawind is so admiwed? -OWWANDO. I sweaw to ^w^ thee, >_< youth, ^w^ by the *looks away* white h-hand of Wosawind, I -am *sweats* that he, *sweats* that unfowtunyate he. -WOSAWIND. But awe you so much in wove as youw uWu whymes speak? -OWWANDO. *blushes* Nyeithew xDD whyme n-nyow weason can e-expwess how much. -WOSAWIND. Wove is *looks at you* mewewy a m-madnyess; and, I teww y-you, d-desewves as -weww a dawk h-house and a whip as madmen do; and the weason why -they awe nyot so punyish'd and cuwed is *sweats* that the l-wunyacy is so -owdinyawy *sweats* that the whippews awe in wove too. Y-Yet I pwofess cuwing -*moans* it ^w^ by counsew. -OWWANDO. *sweats* Did you *giggles shyly* evew *notices bulge* cuwe any *moans* so? -WOSAWIND. Yes, onye; and in this mannyew. He was to imaginye me his -wove, his mistwess; and I set him evewy day to woo me; at which -time ^.^ wouwd I, being xDD but a moonyish >_< youth, gwieve, be :3 effeminyate, -c-changeabwe, wonging and l-wiking, pwoud, fantasticaw, apish, -shawwow, inconstant, fuww of teaws, fuww of smiwes; fow evewy -passion s-something and fow nyo passion twuwy anything, as boys and -women awe fow the most *cries* pawt cattwe of this cowouw; ^.^ wouwd n-nyow wike -him, n-nyow woathe :3 him; then e-entewtain him, then fowsweaw :3 him; n-nyow -weep fow him, then *giggles shyly* spit at :3 him; *sweats* that I dwave my suitow fwom his -mad humouw of wove to a l-wiving humouw of m-madnyess; which was, to -fowsweaw the fuww stweam of the wowwd and to wive in a nyook -*looks at you* mewewy monyastic. And t-thus I cuw'd :3 him; and this way wiww I take -upon me to wash youw wivew as cwean as a s-sound sheep's h-heawt, -*sweats* that thewe shaww nyot be onye spot of wove in 't. -OWWANDO. I ^.^ wouwd nyot be cuwed, y-youth. -WOSAWIND. I ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* cuwe y-you, if you ^.^ wouwd xDD but *giggles shyly* caww me Wosawind, and -come evewy day to my cote and woo me. -OWWANDO. Nyow, ^w^ by the faith of my wove, I wiww. Teww me whewe *moans* it is. -WOSAWIND. Go *pokes you* with me to it, and I'ww show *moans* it you; and, ^w^ by the way, -you shaww teww me whewe in the fowest you l-wive. Wiww you go? -OWWANDO. With aww my h-heawt, good y-youth. -WOSAWIND. Nyay, you must *giggles shyly* caww me Wosawind. Come, sistew, wiww you -go? UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The fowest - -Entew TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY; JAQUES UwU behind - -TOUCHSTONyE. Come apace, good A-Audwey; I wiww fetch up youw goats, -Audwey. And how, *sighs* Audwey, am I the man yet? Doth my simpwe featuwe -content you? -AUDWEY. Youw featuwes! Wowd wawwant us! What featuwes? -TOUCHSTONyE. I am x3 hewe *pokes you* with thee and t-thy goats, as the most -capwicious p-poet, honyest Ovid, was among the Goths. -J-JAQUES. OwO [Aside] O knyowwedge iww-inhabited, wowse than Jove in a -thatch'd house! -TOUCHSTONyE. When a man's vewses cannyot be u-undewstood, n-nyow a man's -good wit s-seconded *pokes you* with the *blushes* fowwawd xDD chiwd *looks at you* undewstanding, *moans* it -stwikes a man mowe dead than a gweat *giggles shyly* weckonying in a wittwe woom. -Twuwy, I ^.^ wouwd the gods h-had made thee poeticaw. -AUDWEY. I do nyot knyow w-what *leans over* 'poeticaw' is. *looks at you* Is *moans* it honyest in deed and -wowd? *looks at you* Is *moans* it a twue t-thing? -TOUCHSTONyE. N-Nyo, *twerks* twuwy; fow the twuest poetwy is the most feignying, -and wovews awe given to poetwy; and w-what they sweaw in poetwy may -be s-said as wovews they do feign. -AUDWEY. Do you wish, then, *sweats* that the gods h-had made me *blushes* poeticaw? -TOUCHSTONyE. I do, twuwy, fow thou sweaw'st to me thou awt honyest; -nyow, if thou wewt a p-poet, I might have *blushes* some hope thou didst -feign. -AUDWEY. Wouwd you nyot have me *teleports behind you* honyest? -TOUCHSTONyE. N-Nyo, twuwy, *hugs tightly* unwess thou wewt hawd-favouw'd; fow xDD honyesty -coupwed to beauty is to have honyey a sauce to sugaw. -J-JAQUES. OwO [Aside] A matewiaw f-foow! -AUDWEY. *sighs* Weww, I am nyot *blushes* faiw; and thewefowe I pway the gods make me -:3 honyest. -TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, and to OwO cast away xDD honyesty upon a f-fouw *screams* swut wewe -to p-put good meat into an uncwean *teleports behind you* dish. -AUDWEY. I am nyot a s-swut, *sighs* though I t-thank the gods I am fouw. -TOUCHSTONyE. *sighs* Weww, pwaised be the gods fow t-thy fouwnyess; -s-swuttishnyess may come h-heweaftew. But be *moans* it as *moans* it may be, I wiww -mawwy thee; and to *sweats* that end I have been *pokes you* with Siw Owivew Mawtext, -the vicaw of the nyext viwwage, w-who hath pwomis'd to meet me in -this pwace of the fowest, and to c-coupwe us. -J-JAQUES. OwO [Aside] I ^.^ wouwd fain see this meeting. -AUDWEY. *sighs* Weww, the gods give us joy! -TOUCHSTONyE. Amen. A man may, if he wewe of a f-feawfuw h-heawt, s-staggew -in this *twerks* attempt; fow x3 hewe we have nyo tempwe xDD but the wood, nyo -a-assembwy xDD but >_< hown-beasts. But w-what though? Couwage! As howns awe -o-odious, they awe nyecessawy. It is said: 'Many a man *looks away* knyows nyo end -of his goods.' Wight! Many a man has good howns and *looks away* knyows nyo end -of them. *sighs* Weww, *sweats* that is the *blushes* dowwy of his wife; 'tis nyonye of his -own getting. Howns? Even so. Poow men awonye? N-Nyo, nyo; the nyobwest -deew hath them as huge as the wascaw. *looks at you* Is the s-singwe man thewefowe -bwessed? Nyo; as a waww'd town is mowe wowthiew than a viwwage, so -is the fowehead of a mawwied man mowe honyouwabwe than the bawe -b-bwow of a bachewow; and ^w^ by how much defence is bettew than nyo -skiww, ^w^ by so much is hown mowe p-pwecious than to w-want. Hewe c-comes -Siw *hugs tightly* Owivew. - -Entew SIW O-OWIVEW MAWTEXT - -Siw Owivew Mawtext, you awe weww OwO met. Wiww you *notices bulge* dispatch us x3 hewe -undew this ^.^ twee, *blushes* ow shaww we go *pokes you* with you to youw chapew? -MAWTEXT. *looks at you* Is thewe nyonye x3 hewe to give the woman? -TOUCHSTONyE. I wiww nyot take h-hew *teleports behind you* on gift of any *pokes you* man. -MAWTEXT. Twuwy, she must be g-given, *blushes* ow the mawwiage is nyot x3 wawfuw. -J-JAQUES. [-[Discovewing himsewf] Pwoceed, pwoceed; I'ww give hew. -TOUCHSTONyE. Good even, good Mastew What-ye-caww't; how do y-you, s-siw? -Y-You awe vewy weww OwO met. Goddiwd you fow youw wast company. I am -vewy gwad to see you. Even a toy in h-hand hewe, siw. N-Nyay; pway be -covew'd. -J-JAQUES. Wiww you be m-mawwied, motwey? -TOUCHSTONyE. As the ox hath his b-bow, siw, the howse his cuwb, and -the x3 fawcon h-hew bewws, so man hath his desiwes; and as pigeons -biww, so wedwock ^.^ wouwd be nyibbwing. -J-JAQUES. And wiww y-you, being a man of youw bweeding, be mawwied -undew a *teleports behind you* bush, wike a beggaw? Get you to c-chuwch and have a good -pwiest *sweats* that can teww you w-what mawwiage is; this fewwow wiww xDD but -join you togethew as they join ;;w;; wainscot; then onye of you wiww -*shuffles closer* pwove a shwunk p-panyew, and wike gween timbew wawp, wawp. -TOUCHSTONyE. OwO [Aside] I am nyot in the mind xDD but I wewe bettew to be -mawwied of him than of anyothew; fow he is nyot wike to mawwy me -weww; and nyot being weww m-mawwied, *moans* it wiww be a good excuse fow me -heweaftew to weave my wife. -J-JAQUES. Go thou *pokes you* with me, and wet me ^-^ counsew thee. -TOUCHSTONyE. Come, sweet A-Audwey; -We must be mawwied *blushes* ow we must wive in bawdwy. -Faweweww, good Mastew *hugs tightly* Owivew. Nyot- -O sweet >_> Owivew, -O bwave >_> Owivew, -L-Weave me nyot UwU behind thee. -But- -Wind away, -Begonye, I say, -I wiww nyot to wedding *pokes you* with thee. -UwU Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONyE, and AUDWEY -MAWTEXT. 'Tis nyo mattew; nye'ew a fantasticaw knyave of them aww -shaww *leans over* fwout me out of my cawwing. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -The fowest - -Entew WOSAWIND and C-CEWIA - -WOSAWIND. Nyevew tawk to me; I wiww >_< weep. -CEWIA. Do, I pwithee; xDD but yet have the gwace to considew *sweats* that teaws -do nyot become a *pokes you* man. -WOSAWIND. But have I nyot c-cause to weep? -CEWIA. As good c-cause as onye ^.^ wouwd desiwe; thewefowe >_< weep. -WOSAWIND. His vewy haiw is of the dissembwing cowouw. -CEWIA. >_> Something bwownyew than Judas's. -Mawwy, his kisses awe Judas's own chiwdwen. -WOSAWIND. I' faith, his haiw is of a good cowouw. -CEWIA. *looks at you* An excewwent cowouw: youw c-chestnyut was *giggles shyly* evew the onwy cowouw. -WOSAWIND. And his *sweats* kissing is as fuww of sanctity as the touch of -howy bwead. -CEWIA. He hath bought a paiw of OwO cast wips of Dianya. A *cuddles you* nyun of -*shuffles closer* wintew's sistewhood kisses nyot mowe wewigiouswy; the vewy i-ice of -chastity is in them. -WOSAWIND. But why did he sweaw he ^.^ wouwd come this *teleports behind you* mownying, and -c-comes nyot? -CEWIA. Nyay, cewtainwy, thewe is nyo uWu twuth in him. -WOSAWIND. Do you think *moans* so? -CEWIA. Yes; I think he is nyot a *hugs tightly* pick-puwse n-nyow a h-howse-steawew; xDD but -fow his vewity in wove, I do think him as concave as covewed -gobwet *blushes* ow a wowm-eaten UwU nyut. -WOSAWIND. Nyot twue in wove? -CEWIA. Yes, when he is in; xDD but I think he is nyot i-in. -WOSAWIND. Y-You have h-heawd him sweaw downwight he w-was. -CEWIA. 'Was' is nyot 'is'; *teleports behind you* besides, the oath of a l-wovew is nyo -stwongew than the wowd of a tapstew; they awe b-both the confiwmew -of f-fawse weckonyings. He attends x3 hewe in the fowest *teleports behind you* on the Duke, -youw fathew. -WOSAWIND. I m-met the D-Duke yestewday, and h-had much question *pokes you* with him. -He asked me of w-what pawentage I was; I towd him, of as good as -he; so he l-waugh'd and wet me go. But w-what tawk we of f-fathews when -thewe is such a man as Owwando? -CEWIA. O, that's a bwave man! He wwites bwave v-vewses, speaks bwave -wowds, sweaws bwave oaths, and bweaks them bwavewy, q-quite -twavewse, athwawt the heawt of his l-wovew; as a puny tiwtew, *sweats* that -spuws his howse xDD but *teleports behind you* on onye >_< side, bweaks his staff wike a nyobwe -goose. But aww's bwave *sweats* that youth mounts and fowwy guides. Who -c-comes hewe? - -Entew COWIN - -COWIN. Mistwess and mastew, you have oft ^-^ enquiwed -Aftew the shephewd *sweats* that c-compwain'd of wove, -Who you *moans* saw sitting ^w^ by me *teleports behind you* on the tuwf, -Pwaising the pwoud disdainfuw shephewdess -*teleports behind you* That was his mistwess. -CEWIA. *sighs* Weww, and w-what of him? -COWIN. If you wiww see a pageant twuwy pway'd -B-Between the pawe compwexion of twue wove -And the wed g-gwow of s-scown and pwoud disdain, -Go hence a wittwe, and I shaww conduct y-you, -If you wiww mawk it. -WOSAWIND. O, come, wet us *hugs tightly* wemove! -The s-sight of wovews feedeth those in wove. -Bwing us to this sight, and you shaww say -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove a busy actow in t-theiw pway. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Entew SIWVIUS and PHEBE - -S-SIWVIUS. Sweet Phebe, do nyot s-scown me; do nyot, *screams* Phebe. -Say *sweats* that you wove me nyot; xDD but say nyot so -In bittewnyess. The common executionyew, -Whose heawt th' UwU accustom'd s-sight of death makes hawd, -*hugs tightly* Fawws nyot the axe upon the x3 humbwed nyeck -But f-fiwst begs pawdon. Wiww you s-stewnyew be -*notices bulge* Than he *sweats* that dies and wives ^w^ by bwoody x3 dwops? - -Entew WOSAWIND, CEWIA, and >_> COWIN, at a distance - -PHEBE. I ^.^ wouwd nyot be t-thy *cries* executionyew; -I f-fwy ^w^ thee, fow I ^.^ wouwd nyot injuwe thee. -*moans* Thou teww'st me thewe is muwdew in minye eye. -'Tis pwetty, suwe, and vewy pwobabwe, -*teleports behind you* That e-eyes, *sweats* that awe the fwaiw'st and *cuddles you* softest things, -Who s-shut t-theiw cowawd gates *teleports behind you* on atomies, -Shouwd be c-caww'd tywants, butchews, m-muwdewews! ->_> Nyow I do f-fwown *teleports behind you* on thee *pokes you* with aww my heawt; -And if minye eyes can wound, n-nyow wet them kiww thee. ->_> Nyow countewfeit to swoon; why, n-nyow faww down; -Ow, if thou ;;w;; canst nyot, O, fow shame, fow shame, -Wie nyot, to say minye eyes awe uWu muwdewews. ->_> Nyow show the ^.^ wound minye eye hath made in thee. -Scwatch thee xDD but *pokes you* with a pin, and thewe >_> wemains -Some scaw of it; wean upon a wush, -The cicatwice and capabwe impwessuwe -Thy pawm *blushes* some moment keeps; xDD but n-nyow minye e-eyes, -Which I have dawted at ^w^ thee, huwt thee nyot; -Nyow, I am suwe, thewe is nyot fowce in eyes -*teleports behind you* That can do huwt. -S-SIWVIUS. O deaw Phebe, -If evew- as *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew may be nyeaw- -Y-You meet in *blushes* some fwesh cheek the *cries* powew of *looks away* fancy, -T-Then shaww you knyow the ^.^ wounds invisibwe -*teleports behind you* That wove's keen awwows *giggles shyly* make. -PHEBE. But tiww *sweats* that time -Come nyot thou nyeaw me; and when *sweats* that time c-comes, -Affwict me *pokes you* with t-thy ^w^ mocks, pity me nyot; -As tiww *sweats* that time I shaww nyot pity thee. -WOSAWIND. [Advancing] And why, I pway you? Who might be youw -m-mothew, -*teleports behind you* That you insuwt, exuwt, and aww at o-once, -;;w;; Ovew the wwetched? What *sighs* though you have nyo beauty- -As, ^w^ by my faith, I see nyo mowe in you -*notices bulge* Than without candwe may go dawk to bed- -M-Must you be thewefowe pwoud and pitiwess? -W-Why, w-what means *sweats* this? Why do you wook *teleports behind you* on me? -I see nyo mowe in you than in the owdinyawy -Of nyatuwe's s-sawe-wowk. 'Od's my wittwe l-wife, -I think she means to tangwe my eyes too! -Nyo faith, pwoud mistwess, hope nyot aftew it; -'Tis nyot youw x3 inky b-bwows, youw bwack siwk haiw, -Youw bugwe *giggles shyly* eyebawws, n-nyow youw cheek of cweam, -*teleports behind you* That can entame my spiwits to youw wowship. -Y-You foowish shephewd, whewefowe do you f-fowwow hew, -Wike foggy south, puffing *pokes you* with *cuddles you* wind and r-wain? -Y-You awe a thousand times a *blushes* pwopewew man -*notices bulge* Than she a woman. 'Tis such foows as you -*teleports behind you* That makes the wowwd fuww of iww-favouw'd chiwdwen. -'Tis nyot h-hew gwass, xDD but y-you, *sweats* that f-fwattews hew; -And out of you she sees hewsewf mowe pwopew -*notices bulge* Than any of h-hew l-winyeaments can show hew. -But, mistwess, knyow youwsewf. *twerks* Down *teleports behind you* on youw knyees, -And t-thank heaven, fasting, fow a good man's wove; -F-Fow I must teww you fwiendwy in youw eaw: -Seww when you c-can; you awe nyot fow aww >_> mawkets. -Cwy the man :3 mewcy, wove him, take his offew; -Fouw is most fouw, being f-fouw to be a s-scoffew. -So take h-hew to ^w^ thee, shephewd. Fawe you weww. -PHEBE. Sweet >_< youth, I pway you chide a *leans over* yeaw togethew; -I h-had wathew heaw you chide than this man woo. -WOSAWIND. He's faww'n in wove *pokes you* with youw fouwnyess, and *hugs tightly* she'ww faww -in wove *pokes you* with my angew. If *moans* it be so, as *looks away* fast as she answews thee -*pokes you* with fwownying >_> wooks, I'ww sauce h-hew *pokes you* with bittew wowds. Why wook -you so upon me? -PHEBE. F-Fow nyo iww wiww I beaw you. -WOSAWIND. I pway you do nyot faww in wove *pokes you* with me, -F-Fow I am fawsew than vows made in winye; -Besides, I wike you nyot. If you wiww knyow my *notices bulge* house, -'Tis at the >_> tuft of owives x3 hewe hawd b-by. -Wiww you *screams* go, sistew? Shephewd, pwy h-hew hawd. -Come, sistew. Shephewdess, wook *teleports behind you* on him *blushes* bettew, -And be nyot p-pwoud; *sighs* though aww the wowwd couwd see, -*cuddles you* Nyonye couwd be so abus'd in s-sight as he. -Come, to o-ouw fwock. UwU Exeunt WOSAWIND, CEWIA, and COWIN -PHEBE. Dead shephewd, n-nyow I find t-thy *moans* saw of *giggles shyly* might: -uWu 'Who *giggles shyly* evew *notices bulge* wov'd *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd nyot at f-fiwst sight?' -S-SIWVIUS. Sweet *screams* Phebe. -PHEBE. Ha! w-what say'st thou, Siwvius? -S-SIWVIUS. Sweet Phebe, pity me. -PHEBE. W-Why, I awn sowwy fow ^w^ thee, g-gentwe Siwvius. -S-SIWVIUS. Whewevew sowwow *screams* is, x3 wewief ^.^ wouwd be. -If you do sowwow at my g-gwief in wove, -By giving wove, youw sowwow and my g-gwief -Wewe b-both extewmin'd. -PHEBE. *moans* Thou hast my wove; is nyot *sweats* that nyeighbouwwy? -S-SIWVIUS. I ^.^ wouwd have you. -PHEBE. W-Why, *sweats* that wewe covetousnyess. -Siwvius, the time was *sweats* that I hated thee; -And yet *moans* it is nyot *sweats* that I beaw thee wove; -But s-since *sweats* that thou ;;w;; canst tawk of wove so weww, -Thy company, which ewst was i-iwksome to me, -I wiww enduwe; and I'ww empwoy thee too. -But do nyot wook fow *twerks* fuwthew wecompense -*notices bulge* Than thinye own gwadnyess *sweats* that thou awt empwoy'd. -S-SIWVIUS. So howy and so pewfect is my wove, -And I in such a povewty of gwace, -*teleports behind you* That I shaww think *moans* it a most pwenteous cwop -To gwean the bwoken eaws aftew the man -*teleports behind you* That the *cries* main hawvest weaps; l-woose n-nyow and then -A scatt'wed *hugs tightly* smiwe, and *sweats* that I'ww wive upon. -PHEBE. Knyow'st thou the youth *sweats* that s-spoke to me ewewhiwe? -S-SIWVIUS. Nyot vewy weww; xDD but I have m-met him oft; -And he hath bought the cottage and the bounds -*teleports behind you* That the owd cawwot once was mastew of. -PHEBE. Think nyot I wove him, *sighs* though I ask fow :3 him; -'Tis xDD but a peevish b-boy; yet he tawks weww. -But w-what OwO cawe I fow wowds? Y-Yet wowds do weww -When he *sweats* that speaks them pweases those *sweats* that *sighs* heaw. -It is a pwetty youth- nyot vewy pwetty; -But, suwe, he's p-pwoud; and yet his pwide becomes him. -He'ww make a pwopew *pokes you* man. The best thing in him -*looks at you* Is his compwexion; and fastew than his t-tongue -*sweats* Did make offence, his eye did heaw *moans* it up. -He is nyot vewy *looks away* taww; yet fow his y-yeaws he's *looks away* taww; -His weg is xDD but so-so; and yet 'tis weww. -*cries* Thewe was a pwetty r-wednyess in his wip, -A wittwe x3 wipew and mowe l-wusty wed -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that mix'd in his cheek; '-'twas *shuffles closer* just the diffewence -Betwixt the constant wed and m-mingwed damask. -*cries* Thewe be *blushes* some women, Siwvius, h-had they mawk'd him -In pawcews as I did, ^.^ wouwd have g-gonye nyeaw -To faww in wove *pokes you* with :3 him; but, fow my pawt, -I wove him nyot, n-nyow hate him nyot; and yet -I have mowe c-cause to hate him than to wove :3 him; -F-Fow w-what h-had he to do to chide at me? -He s-said minye eyes wewe bwack, and my haiw bwack, -And, n-nyow I am wememb'wed, scown'd at me. -I mawvew why I answew'd nyot again; -But that's aww onye: omittance is nyo quittance. -I'ww *looks away* wwite to him a vewy taunting wettew, -And thou shawt beaw it; wiwt thou, Siwvius? -S-SIWVIUS. Phebe, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -PHEBE. I'ww *looks away* wwite *moans* it stwaight; -The mattew's in my *sweats* head and in my heawt; -I wiww be bittew *pokes you* with him and passing showt. -Go *pokes you* with me, Siwvius. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -The fowest - -Entew WOSAWIND, CEWIA, and JAQUES - -J-JAQUES. I pwithee, pwetty >_< youth, wet me be bettew acquainted *pokes you* with -thee. -WOSAWIND. They say you awe a mewanchowy fewwow. -J-JAQUES. I am so; I do wove *moans* it bettew than waughing. -WOSAWIND. Those *sweats* that awe in extwemity of ^w^ eithew awe abominyabwe -fewwows, and betway themsewves to evewy modewn censuwe wowse than -dwunkawds. -J-JAQUES. W-Why, 'tis good to be sad and say n-nyothing. -WOSAWIND. Why then, 'tis good to be a post. -J-JAQUES. I have nyeithew the schowaw's >w< mewanchowy, which is -emuwation; n-nyow the musician's, which is fantasticaw; n-nyow the -couwtiew's, which is p-pwoud; n-nyow the sowdiew's, which is -ambitious; n-nyow the wawyew's, which is *looks at you* powitic; n-nyow the wady's, -which is nyice; n-nyow the l-wovew's, which is aww these; xDD but *moans* it is a -mewanchowy of minye o-own, compounded of many simpwes, extwacted -fwom many objects, and, indeed, the sundwy ;;w;; contempwation of my -t-twavews; in which my *looks away* often wuminyation wwaps me in a most humowous -sadnyess. -WOSAWIND. A twavewwew! By my faith, you have gweat weason to be ->_> sad. I feaw you have sowd youw own >_< wands to see othew men's; then -to have :33 seen much and to have nyothing is to have wich eyes and -poow h-hands. -J-JAQUES. Yes, I have gain'd my expewience. - -Entew OWWANDO - -WOSAWIND. And youw e-expewience makes you >_> sad. I h-had wathew have a -foow to make me mewwy than e-expewience to make me s-sad- and to -*sweats* twavew fow *moans* it too. -OWWANDO. Good day, and happinyess, deaw Wosawind! -J-JAQUES. Nyay, then, OwO God b-buy y-you, an you tawk in >_> bwank vewse. -WOSAWIND. Faweweww, ^w^ Monsieuw *hugs tightly* Twavewwew; wook you wisp and weaw -stwange *giggles shyly* suits, d-disabwe aww the benyefits of youw own countwy, be -out of wove *pokes you* with youw nyativity, and awmost chide OwO God fow making -you *sweats* that countenyance you awe; *blushes* ow I wiww x3 scawce think you have -swam in a gondowa. [Exit JAQUES] W-Why, how nyow, UwU Owwando! whewe -have you been aww this whiwe? Y-You a wovew! *looks at you* An you sewve me such -anyothew twick, nyevew come in my s-sight mowe. -OWWANDO. My *looks at you* faiw Wosawind, I come within an houw of my pwomise. -WOSAWIND. Bweak an houw's pwomise in wove! He *sweats* that wiww divide a -minyute into a thousand pawts, and bweak xDD but a *cries* pawt of the -thousand *cries* pawt of a minyute in the affaiws of wove, *moans* it may be s-said -of him *sweats* that Cupid hath cwapp'd him o' th' shouwdew, xDD but I'ww -wawwant him heawt-whowe. -OWWANDO. Pawdon me, deaw Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. Nyay, an you be so t-tawdy, come nyo mowe in my s-sight. I h-had -as UwU wief be woo'd of a snyaiw. -OWWANDO. Of a snyaiw! -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, of a snyaiw; fow *sighs* though he c-comes swowwy, he cawwies -his h-house *teleports behind you* on his head- a bettew jointuwe, I think, than you make -a *blushes* woman; *teleports behind you* besides, he bwings his *looks away* destiny *pokes you* with him. -OWWANDO. What's that? -WOSAWIND. W-Why, h-howns; which such as you awe fain to be behowding to -youw wives fow; xDD but he c-comes awmed in his >w< fowtunye, and pwevents -the swandew of his wife. -OWWANDO. V-Viwtue is nyo hown-makew; and my Wosawind is viwtuous. -WOSAWIND. And I am youw Wosawind. -CEWIA. It pweases him to *giggles shyly* caww you so; xDD but he hath a Wosawind of a -bettew weew than you. -WOSAWIND. Come, woo me, woo me; fow n-nyow I am in a howiday humouw, -and wike enyough to consent. What ^.^ wouwd you say to me nyow, an I -wewe youw vewy vewy Wosawind? -OWWANDO. I ^.^ wouwd kiss befowe I spoke. -WOSAWIND. Nyay, you wewe bettew speak fiwst; and when you wewe -gwaveww'd fow wack of mattew, you might take occasion to kiss. -Vewy good UwU owatows, when they awe *pokes you* out, they wiww spit; and fow -wovews wacking- OwO God ^.^ wawn us!- mattew, the cweanwiest UwU shift is to -kiss. -OWWANDO. H-How if the kiss be denyied? -WOSAWIND. T-Then she puts you to e-entweaty, and thewe begins nyew -mattew. -OWWANDO. Who couwd be *pokes you* out, being befowe his bewoved mistwess? -WOSAWIND. Mawwy, *sweats* that shouwd y-you, if I wewe youw mistwess; *blushes* ow I -shouwd think my xDD honyesty wankew than my wit. -OWWANDO. What, of my s-suit? -WOSAWIND. Nyot out of youw appawew, and yet out of youw suit. -Am nyot I youw Wosawind? -OWWANDO. I take *blushes* some joy to say you awe, because I ^.^ wouwd be t-tawking -of hew. -WOSAWIND. *sighs* Weww, in h-hew *moans* pewson, I say I wiww nyot have you. -OWWANDO. Then, in minye own *moans* pewson, I die. -WOSAWIND. N-Nyo, faith, die ^w^ by attownyey. The poow wowwd is awmost ^-^ six -thousand y-yeaws owd, and in aww this time thewe was nyot any man -died in his own *moans* pewson, videwicet, in a wove-cause. T-Twoiwus h-had -his xDD bwains dash'd out *pokes you* with a G-Gwecian cwub; yet he did w-what he -couwd to die befowe, and he is onye of the pattewns of wove. -Weandew, he ^.^ wouwd have wiv'd many a *looks at you* faiw yeaw, *sighs* though Hewo h-had -tuwn'd nyun, if *moans* it h-had nyot been fow a hot midsummew nyight; *notices bulge* fow, -good >_< youth, he went xDD but f-fowth to wash him in the *looks away* Hewwespont, and, -being taken *pokes you* with the cwamp, was dwown'd; and the foowish -chwonyicwews of *sweats* that age ^w^ found *moans* it was- Hewo of Sestos. But these -awe aww wies: men have died fwom time to time, and w-wowms have -eaten them, xDD but nyot fow wove. -OWWANDO. I ^.^ wouwd nyot have my wight Wosawind of this mind; *notices bulge* fow, I -pwotest, h-hew f-fwown might kiww me. -WOSAWIND. By this hand, *moans* it wiww nyot kiww a fwy. But come, n-nyow I -wiww be youw Wosawind in a mowe coming-on disposition; and ask me -w-what you wiww, I wiww gwant it. -OWWANDO. T-Then wove me, Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. Yes, faith, wiww I, Fwidays and Satuwdays, and aww. -OWWANDO. And wiwt thou have me? -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, and twenty such. -OWWANDO. What sayest thou? -WOSAWIND. Awe you nyot good? -OWWANDO. I hope so. -WOSAWIND. Why then, can onye desiwe too much of a good t-thing? Come, -sistew, you shaww be the pwiest, and mawwy us. Give me youw hand, -Owwando. What do you say, sistew? -OWWANDO. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, mawwy us. -CEWIA. I cannyot say the wowds. -WOSAWIND. Y-You must begin ^w^ 'Wiww y-you, Owwando'- -CEWIA. Go to. Wiww y-you, Owwando, have to wife this Wosawind? -OWWANDO. I wiww. -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, xDD but when? -OWWANDO. W-Why, x3 nyow; as *looks away* fast as she can mawwy us. -WOSAWIND. T-Then you must say *sighs* 'I take ^w^ thee, Wosawind, fow wife.' -OWWANDO. I take ^w^ thee, Wosawind, fow wife. -WOSAWIND. I might ask you fow youw commission; b-but- I do take ^w^ thee, -Owwando, fow my husband. >_> Thewe's a giww goes befowe the pwiest; -and, cewtainwy, a woman's thought wuns befowe h-hew actions. -OWWANDO. So do aww thoughts; they awe wing'd. -WOSAWIND. >_> Nyow teww me how wong you ^.^ wouwd have hew, aftew you have -possess'd hew. -OWWANDO. F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew and a day. -WOSAWIND. Say *leans over* 'a d-day' without the 'evew.' N-Nyo, nyo, Owwando; men awe -Apwiw when they woo, D-Decembew when they wed: *cuddles you* maids awe May when -they awe maids, xDD but the sky *giggles shyly* changes when they awe wives. I wiww -be mowe jeawous of thee than a Bawbawy cock-pigeon ovew his hen, -mowe cwamowous than a UwU pawwot against r-wain, mowe nyew-fangwed than -an :3 ape, mowe giddy in my desiwes than a monkey. I wiww weep fow -nyothing, wike Dianya in the fountain, and I wiww do *sweats* that when you -awe dispos'd to be mewwy; I wiww *looks at you* waugh wike a hyen, and *sweats* that when -thou awe i-incwin'd to s-sweep. -OWWANDO. But wiww my Wosawind do *moans* so? -WOSAWIND. By my l-wife, she wiww do as I do. -OWWANDO. O, xDD but she is w-wise. -WOSAWIND. Ow e-ewse she couwd nyot have the wit to do this. The wisew, -the waywawdew. Make the doows upon a woman's wit, and *moans* it wiww out -at the casement; s-shut that, and *giggles shyly* 'twiww out at the key-howe; stop -that, *giggles shyly* 'twiww f-fwy *pokes you* with the smoke out at the chimnyey. -OWWANDO. A man *sweats* that h-had a wife *pokes you* with such a wit, he might say '-'Wit, -whithew wiwt?' WOSAWIND. Nyay, you might keep *sweats* that check fow it, tiww you m-met youw -wife's wit g-going to youw nyeighbouw's *twerks* bed. -OWWANDO. And w-what wit couwd wit have to excuse that? -WOSAWIND. Mawwy, to say she came to seek you thewe. Y-You shaww nyevew -take h-hew without h-hew *hugs tightly* answew, *hugs tightly* unwess you take h-hew without h-hew -tongue. O, *sweats* that woman *sweats* that cannyot make h-hew fauwt h-hew husband's -occasion, wet h-hew nyevew OwO nyuwse h-hew xDD chiwd hewsewf, fow she wiww -bweed *moans* it wike a f-foow! -OWWANDO. F-Fow these xDD two houws, Wosawind, I wiww weave thee. -WOSAWIND. A-Awas, deaw wove, I cannyot wack thee xDD two ^w^ houws! -OWWANDO. I must a-attend the D-Duke at dinnyew; ^w^ by xDD two o-o'cwock I wiww be -*pokes you* with thee again. -WOSAWIND. :33 Ay, go youw ways, go youw w-ways. I knyew w-what you ^.^ wouwd -pwove; my fwiends towd me as *twerks* much, and I thought nyo wess. *teleports behind you* That -*cuddles you* fwattewing t-tongue of youws won me. 'Tis xDD but onye OwO cast away, and -so, come death! Two o-o'cwock is youw houw? -OWWANDO. :33 Ay, sweet Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. By my twoth, and in good eawnyest, and so OwO God ^w^ mend me, and -^w^ by aww pwetty *twerks* oaths *sweats* that awe nyot dangewous, if you bweak onye :33 jot -of youw pwomise, *blushes* ow come onye minyute UwU behind youw houw, I wiww -think you the most p-patheticaw bweak-pwomise, and the most howwow -wovew, and the most u-unwowthy of h-hew you *giggles shyly* caww Wosawind, *sweats* that may -be c-chosen out of the gwoss band of the unfaithfuw. Thewefowe -*looks away* bewawe my censuwe, and keep youw pwomise. -OWWANDO. With nyo wess *notices bulge* wewigion than if thou wewt indeed my -Wosawind; so, adieu. -WOSAWIND. *sighs* Weww, Time is the owd justice *sweats* that examinyes aww such -*sweats* offendews, and wet Time *twerks* twy. Adieu. Exit OWWANDO -CEWIA. Y-You have simpwy misus'd o-ouw sex in youw wove-pwate. We must -have youw doubwet and hose UwU pwuck'd ovew youw head, and show the -wowwd w-what the biwd hath donye to h-hew own nyest. -WOSAWIND. O coz, coz, coz, my pwetty wittwe coz, *sweats* that thou didst -knyow how many *cries* fathom deep I am in wove! But *moans* it cannyot be sounded; -my affection hath an unknyown bottom, wike the Bay of Powtugaw. -CEWIA. Ow wathew, UwU bottomwess; *sweats* that as *looks away* fast as you *blushes* pouw affection -in, *moans* it wuns ^w^ out. -WOSAWIND. Nyo; *sweats* that same wicked bastawd of Venyus, *sweats* that was begot of -thought, conceiv'd of spween, and bown of m-madnyess; *sweats* that bwind -r-wascawwy boy, *sweats* that abuses evewy onye's e-eyes, because his own awe -out- wet him be judge how deep I am in wove. I'ww teww ^w^ thee, -Awienya, I cannyot be out of the s-sight of Owwando. I'ww go find a -shadow, and *pokes you* sigh tiww he come. -CEWIA. And I'ww s-sweep. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The fowest - -Entew JAQUES and :33 WOWDS, in the habit of f-fowestews - -J-JAQUES. Which is he *sweats* that kiwwed the d-deew? -WOWD. Siw, *moans* it was I. -J-JAQUES. Wet's ^.^ pwesent him to the Duke, wike a Woman conquewow; and -*moans* it ^.^ wouwd do weww to set the deew's howns upon his *sweats* head fow a -b-bwanch of victowy. Have you nyo song, *moans* fowestew, fow this puwpose? -WOWD. Yes, siw. -J-JAQUES. Sing it; 'tis nyo mattew how *moans* it be in tunye, so *moans* it make nyoise -enyough. - -SONG. - -What shaww he have *sweats* that kiww'd the d-deew? -His l-weathew s-skin and howns to *looks away* weaw. -[The west shaww heaw this buwden:] -T-Then sing him home. - -Take thou nyo s-scown to weaw the hown; -It was a cwest ewe thou wast b-bown. -Thy fathew's fathew wowe it; -And t-thy fathew xDD bowe it. -The hown, the hown, the l-wusty hown, -*looks at you* Is nyot a thing to *looks at you* waugh to scown. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The fowest - -Entew WOSAWIND and C-CEWIA - -WOSAWIND. H-How say you nyow? *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot past xDD two o'cwock? -And x3 hewe much UwU Owwando! -CEWIA. I wawwant y-you, *pokes you* with puwe wove and twoubwed bwain, he hath -t-ta'en his bow and awwows, and is g-gonye fowth- to s-sweep. Wook, w-who -c-comes hewe. - -Entew SIWVIUS - -S-SIWVIUS. My ewwand is to y-you, *looks at you* faiw *sweats* youth; -My g-gentwe Phebe did bid me give you this. -I knyow nyot the contents; but, as I g-guess -By the stewn b-bwow and waspish action -Which she did use as she was wwiting of it, -It beaws an *cries* angwy tenyouw. Pawdon me, -I am xDD but as a guiwtwess >_> messengew. -WOSAWIND. Patience hewsewf ^.^ wouwd stawtwe at this wettew, -And pway the swaggewew. *looks at you* Beaw t-this, beaw aww. -She says I am nyot uWu faiw, *sweats* that I wack *hugs tightly* mannyews; -She cawws me pwoud, and *sweats* that she couwd nyot wove me, -Wewe man as wawe as Phoenyix. 'Od's my wiww! -Hew wove is nyot the hawe *sweats* that I do h-hunt; -Why wwites she so to me? *sighs* Weww, shephewd, weww, -This is a wettew of youw own d-device. -S-SIWVIUS. N-Nyo, I pwotest, I knyow nyot the contents; -Phebe did *looks away* wwite it. -WOSAWIND. Come, come, you awe a foow, -And tuwn'd into the extwemity of wove. -I *moans* saw h-hew hand; she has a l-weathewn hand, -A fweestonye-cowouw'd hand; I vewiwy did think -*teleports behind you* That h-hew owd :33 gwoves wewe on, xDD but '-'twas h-hew hands; -She has a h-huswife's hand- xDD but that's nyo mattew. -I say she nyevew did i-invent this *sighs* wettew: -This is a man's invention, and his hand. -S-SIWVIUS. Suwe, *moans* it is xDD hews. -WOSAWIND. W-Why, 'tis a *twerks* boistewous and a *sighs* cwuew stywe; -A stywe fow chawwengews. W-Why, she defies me, -Wike Tuwk to Chwistian. Women's g-gentwe bwain -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot dwop f-fowth such *teleports behind you* giant-wude invention, -*screams* Such Ethiope wowds, bwackew in t-theiw effect -*notices bulge* Than in t-theiw countenyance. Wiww you heaw the wettew? -S-SIWVIUS. So pwease y-you, fow I nyevew h-heawd *moans* it *twerks* yet; -Y-Yet h-heawd too much of Phebe's cwuewty. -WOSAWIND. She Phebes me: mawk how the tywant wwites. -[Weads] - -*moans* 'Awt thou *cries* god to shephewd tuwn'd, -*teleports behind you* That a *moans* maiden's heawt hath buwn'd?' - -C-Can a woman waiw t-thus? -S-SIWVIUS. Caww you this waiwing? -WOSAWIND. 'Why, t-thy godhead waid apawt, -Waww'st thou *pokes you* with a woman's heawt?' - -*sweats* Did you *giggles shyly* evew heaw such waiwing? - -'Whiwes the eye of man did woo me, -*teleports behind you* That couwd do nyo v-vengeance to me.' - -Meanying me a beast. - -'If the s-scown of youw bwight eynye -Have *cries* powew to waise such wove in minye, -Awack, in me w-what stwange effect -Wouwd they wowk in *cuddles you* miwd aspect! -Whiwes you chid me, I did wove; -H-How then might youw pwayews move! -He *sweats* that bwings this wove to the -L-Wittwe *looks away* knyows this wove in me; -And ^w^ by him s-seaw up t-thy *leans over* mind, -Whethew *sweats* that t-thy youth and k-kind -Wiww the >_> faithfuw *teleports behind you* offew take -Of me and aww *sweats* that I can :33 make; -Ow e-ewse ^w^ by him my wove deny, -And then I'ww study how to die.' -S-SIWVIUS. Caww you this chiding? -CEWIA. A-Awas, poow shephewd! -WOSAWIND. Do you pity him? N-Nyo, he d-desewves nyo pity. Wiwt thou wove -such a woman? What, to make thee an instwument, and pway f-fawse -stwains upon thee! Nyot to be enduw'd! *sighs* Weww, go youw way to hew, -fow I see wove hath made thee tame snyake, and say this to hew- -*sweats* that if she wove me, I chawge h-hew to wove thee; if she wiww nyot, -I wiww nyevew have h-hew *hugs tightly* unwess thou entweat fow hew. If you be a -twue wovew, hence, and nyot a wowd; fow x3 hewe c-comes mowe company. -Exit SIWVIUS - -Entew O-OWIVEW - -O-OWIVEW. Good OwO mowwow, *looks at you* faiw onyes; pway y-you, if you knyow, -Whewe in the puwwieus of this fowest stands -A sheep-cote :33 fenc'd a-about *pokes you* with o-owive twees? -CEWIA. West of this pwace, down in the *screams* nyeighbouw bottom. -The wank of osiews ^w^ by the muwmuwing stweam -*looks at you* Weft *teleports behind you* on youw wight h-hand bwings you to the pwace. -But at this houw the h-house doth keep itsewf; ->_> Thewe's nyonye *looks at you* within. -O-OWIVEW. If *sweats* that an eye may pwofit ^w^ by a t-tongue, -T-Then shouwd I knyow you ^w^ by d-descwiption- -*screams* Such gawments, and such yeaws: 'The *cries* boy is uWu faiw, -Of femawe favouw, and b-bestows himsewf -Wike a wipe sistew; the woman wow, -And bwownyew than h-hew >_> bwothew.' Awe nyot you -The o-ownyew of the h-house I did inquiwe fow? -CEWIA. It is nyo boast, being >w< ask'd, to say we awe. -O-OWIVEW. Owwando doth commend him to you both; -And to *sweats* that youth he cawws his Wosawind -He *shuffles closer* sends this bwoody n-nyapkin. Awe you *sighs* he? -WOSAWIND. I am. What must we undewstand ^w^ by *sweats* this? -O-OWIVEW. Some of my *cuddles you* shame; if you wiww knyow of me -What man I am, and how, and why, and whewe, -This h-handkewchew was stain'd. -CEWIA. I pway y-you, teww it. -O-OWIVEW. When wast the young Owwando pawted fwom y-you, -He >w< weft a pwomise to r-wetuwn ;;w;; again -Within an *cuddles you* houw; and, >w< pacing uWu thwough the fowest, -C-Chewing the f-food of sweet and bittew *looks away* fancy, -*looks away* Wo, w-what b-befeww! He *shuffles closer* thwew his eye aside, -And mawk w-what object did ^.^ pwesent itsewf. -Undew an oak, :33 whose boughs wewe moss'd *pokes you* with a-age, -And ^.^ high t-top bawd *pokes you* with dwy antiquity, -A wwetched wagged m-man, o'ewgwown *pokes you* with haiw, -L-Way sweeping *teleports behind you* on his back. About his nyeck -A gween and >_< giwded snyake h-had wweath'd itsewf, -Who *pokes you* with h-hew *sweats* head n-nyimbwe in t-thweats appwoach'd -The openying of his mouth; xDD but suddenwy, -Seeing Owwando, *moans* it u-unwink'd itsewf, -And *pokes you* with indented gwides did swip away -Into a bush; undew which b-bush's shade -A wionyess, *pokes you* with uddews aww dwawn d-dwy, -L-Way couching, *sweats* head *teleports behind you* on gwound, *pokes you* with catwike watch, -When *sweats* that the sweeping man shouwd stiw; fow 'tis -The woyaw disposition of *sweats* that beast -To pwey *teleports behind you* on nyothing *sweats* that doth seem as dead. -This seen, Owwando did appwoach the m-man, -And ^w^ found *moans* it was his bwothew, his ewdew bwothew. -CEWIA. O, I have h-heawd him speak of *sweats* that same bwothew; -And he did wendew him the most unnyatuwaw -*teleports behind you* That wiv'd amongst men. -O-OWIVEW. And weww he might so do, -F-Fow weww I knyow he was unnyatuwaw. -WOSAWIND. But, to Owwando: did he weave him thewe, -Food to the suck'd and hungwy OwO wionyess? -O-OWIVEW. T-Twice did he tuwn his back, and puwpos'd so; -But k-kindnyess, nyobwew *giggles shyly* evew than uWu wevenge, -And nyatuwe, stwongew than his *shuffles closer* just occasion, -Made him give battwe to the wionyess, -Who quickwy feww befowe :3 him; in which huwtwing -Fwom misewabwe *teleports behind you* swumbew I awak'd. -CEWIA. Awe you his b-bwothew? -WOSAWIND. Was't you he wescu'd? -CEWIA. Was't you *sweats* that did so oft contwive to kiww him? -O-OWIVEW. 'Twas I; xDD but 'tis nyot I. I do nyot shame -To teww you w-what I was, s-since my convewsion -So sweetwy tastes, being the thing I am. -WOSAWIND. But fow the bwoody nyapkin? -O-OWIVEW. By and b-by. -When fwom the f-fiwst to wast, b-betwixt us t-two, -*looks away* Teaws o-ouw wecountments h-had most *blushes* kindwy bath'd, -As how I came into *sweats* that desewt pwace- -In *leans over* bwief, he *looks away* wed me to the g-gentwe Duke, -Who gave me fwesh awway and entewtainment, -Committing me unto my bwothew's wove; -Who *looks away* wed me instantwy unto his *twerks* cave, -*cries* Thewe stwipp'd ^.^ himsewf, and x3 hewe upon his awm -The wionyess h-had town *blushes* some UwU fwesh away, -Which aww this whiwe h-had :33 bwed; and n-nyow he fainted, -And cwied, in fainting, upon Wosawind. -Bwief, I wecovew'd him, bound up his wound, -And, aftew *blushes* some smaww space, being stwong at h-heawt, -He OwO sent me h-hithew, stwangew as I am, -To teww this stowy, *sweats* that you might excuse -His bwoken pwomise, and to give this nyapkin, -Dy'd in his b-bwood, unto the shephewd youth -*teleports behind you* That he in spowt doth *giggles shyly* caww his Wosawind. -[WOSAWIND s-swoons] -CEWIA. W-Why, how nyow, Ganymede! sweet Ganymede! -O-OWIVEW. Many wiww swoon when they do wook *teleports behind you* on bwood. -CEWIA. *cries* Thewe is mowe in it. Cousin Ganymede! -O-OWIVEW. Wook, he wecovews. -WOSAWIND. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe at home. -CEWIA. We'ww wead you thithew. -I pway y-you, wiww you take him ^w^ by the awm? -O-OWIVEW. Be of good cheew, y-youth. Y-You a man! -Y-You wack a man's heawt. -WOSAWIND. I do so, I *cuddles you* confess it. Ah, siwwah, a body ^.^ wouwd think -this was weww c-countewfeited. I pway you teww youw b-bwothew how -weww I c-countewfeited. Heigh-ho! -O-OWIVEW. This was nyot countewfeit; thewe is too gweat testimony in -youw compwexion *sweats* that *moans* it was a passion of e-eawnyest. -WOSAWIND. Countewfeit, I ;;w;; assuwe you. -O-OWIVEW. Weww then, take a good heawt and countewfeit to be a *pokes you* man. -WOSAWIND. So I do; but, i-i' faith, I shouwd have been a woman ^w^ by -wight. -CEWIA. Come, you wook p-pawew and pawew; pway you dwaw homewawds. -Good siw, go *pokes you* with us. -O-OWIVEW. *teleports behind you* That wiww I, fow I must beaw *sighs* answew back -H-How you excuse my bwothew, Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. I shaww devise something; but, I pway y-you, commend my -countewfeiting to him. Wiww you go? UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -The fowest - -Entew TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY - -TOUCHSTONyE. We shaww find a time, A-Audwey; patience, g-gentwe Audwey. -AUDWEY. Faith, the pwiest was good enyough, fow aww the owd -gentweman's saying. -TOUCHSTONyE. A most wicked Siw >_> Owivew, *sighs* Audwey, a most viwe Mawtext. -But, *sighs* Audwey, thewe is a youth x3 hewe in the fowest ways c-cwaim to -you. -AUDWEY. :33 Ay, I knyow w-who 'tis; he hath nyo intewest in me in the -wowwd; x3 hewe c-comes the man you mean. - -Entew WIWWIAM - -TOUCHSTONyE. It is meat and ^-^ dwink to me to see a cwown. By my twoth, -we *sweats* that have good ^-^ wits have much to *sighs* answew *cuddles you* fow: we shaww be -fwouting; we cannyot howd. -WIWWIAM. Good ev'n, Audwey. -AUDWEY. OwO God ye good ev'n, W-Wiwwiam. -WIWWIAM. And good >w< ev'n to y-you, siw. -TOUCHSTONyE. Good ev'n, g-gentwe fwiend. Covew t-thy head, covew t-thy -*sighs* head; nyay, pwithee be covew'd. H-How owd awe y-you, fwiend? -WIWWIAM. Five and twenty, siw. -TOUCHSTONyE. A wipe age. *looks at you* Is t-thy nyame Wiwwiam? -WIWWIAM. Wiwwiam, siw. -TOUCHSTONyE. A *looks at you* faiw nyame. Wast bown i-i' th' fowest hewe? -WIWWIAM. :33 Ay, siw, I t-thank God. -TOUCHSTONyE. 'Thank *giggles shyly* God.' A good answew. -Awt wich? -WIWWIAM. Faith, siw, so so. -TOUCHSTONyE. 'So s-so' is ^-^ good, vewy ^-^ good, vewy excewwent good; and -yet *moans* it is nyot; *moans* it is xDD but so so. Awt thou ;;w;; wise? -WIWWIAM. :33 Ay, siw, I have a pwetty wit. -TOUCHSTONyE. W-Why, thou say'st weww. I do n-nyow wemembew a saying: 'The -foow doth think he is wise, xDD but the w-wise man *looks away* knyows himsewf to be -a foow.' The heathen phiwosophew, when he h-had a desiwe to *cries* eat a -gwape, ^.^ wouwd open his wips when he p-put *moans* it into his mouth; meanying -t-theweby *sweats* that gwapes wewe made to *cries* eat and wips to open. Y-You do -wove this m-maid? -WIWWIAM. I do, siw. -TOUCHSTONyE. Give me youw hand. Awt thou weawnyed? -WIWWIAM. N-Nyo, siw. -TOUCHSTONyE. T-Then weawn this of me: to have is to have; fow *moans* it is a -figuwe in whetowic *sweats* that dwink, being pouw'd out of cup into a -gwass, ^w^ by fiwwing the onye doth empty the othew; fow aww youw -wwitews do consent *sweats* that ipse is he; nyow, you awe nyot i-ipse, fow I -am he. -WIWWIAM. Which he, s-siw? -TOUCHSTONyE. He, siw, *sweats* that must mawwy this woman. Thewefowe, you -:3 cwown, *looks at you* abandon- which is in the vuwgaw *notices bulge* weave- the *cries* society- which -in the boowish is company- of this femawe- which in the common is -woman- which togethew ^w^ is: abandon the society of this femawe; *cries* ow, -:3 cwown, thou pewishest; *cries* ow, to t-thy bettew *looks at you* undewstanding, diest; -*cries* ow, to wit, I kiww ^w^ thee, make thee away, t-twanswate t-thy wife into -death, t-thy wibewty into bondage. I wiww deaw in p-poison *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, -*blushes* ow in bastinyado, *blushes* ow in steew; I wiww :33 bandy *pokes you* with thee in faction; -wiww o'ew-wun thee *pokes you* with p-powicy; I wiww kiww thee a hundwed and -fifty ways; thewefowe twembwe and depawt. -AUDWEY. Do, good W-Wiwwiam. -WIWWIAM. OwO God west you mewwy, siw. Exit - -Entew COWIN - -COWIN. Ouw mastew and *notices bulge* mistwess s-seeks you; come away, a-away. -TOUCHSTONyE. *leans over* Twip, *sighs* Audwey, ^-^ twip, Audwey. I a-attend, I attend. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The fowest - -Entew OWWANDO and O-OWIVEW - -OWWANDO. Is't possibwe *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on so wittwe acquaintance you shouwd -wike hew? *sweats* that xDD but seeing you shouwd wove hew? and ^.^ woving woo? -and, wooing, she shouwd gwant? and wiww you pewsevew to enjoy -hew? -O-OWIVEW. *blushes* Nyeithew *giggles shyly* caww the giddinyess of *moans* it in question, the povewty -of hew, the smaww acquaintance, my sudden wooing, n-nyow h-hew sudden -consenting; xDD but say *pokes you* with me, I wove Awienya; say *pokes you* with h-hew *sweats* that she -woves me; consent *pokes you* with b-both *sweats* that we may enjoy each othew. It -shaww be to youw good; fow my fathew's h-house and aww the r-wevenyue -*sweats* that was owd Siw Wowwand's wiww I estate upon y-you, and x3 hewe wive -and die a shephewd. -OWWANDO. Y-You have my consent. Wet youw wedding be *blushes* to-mowwow. -Thithew wiww I invite the D-Duke and aww's contented fowwowews. Go -you and p-pwepawe Awienya; *notices bulge* fow, wook y-you, x3 hewe c-comes my Wosawind. - -Entew WOSAWIND - -WOSAWIND. OwO God uWu save y-you, bwothew. -O-OWIVEW. And y-you, *looks at you* faiw sistew. Exit -WOSAWIND. O, my deaw Owwando, how *moans* it gwieves me to see thee weaw -t-thy heawt in a scawf! -OWWANDO. It is my awm. -WOSAWIND. I thought t-thy heawt h-had been wounded *pokes you* with the cwaws of a -wion. -OWWANDO. Wounded *moans* it *screams* is, xDD but *pokes you* with the eyes of a wady. -WOSAWIND. *sweats* Did youw b-bwothew teww you how I ^w^ countewfeited to swoon -when he show'd me youw *hugs tightly* handkewchew? -OWWANDO. :33 Ay, and gweatew wondews than that. -WOSAWIND. O, I knyow whewe you awe. Nyay, 'tis twue. *cries* Thewe was nyevew -any thing so sudden xDD but the fight of xDD two wams and Caesaw's -thwasonyicaw bwag of *sighs* 'I c-came, saw, and *twerks* ovewcame.' F-Fow youw b-bwothew -and my sistew nyo soonyew m-met xDD but they wook'd; nyo soonyew wook'd xDD but -they :3 wov'd; nyo soonyew *notices bulge* wov'd xDD but they sigh'd; nyo soonyew UwU sigh'd xDD but -they ask'd onye anyothew the weason; nyo soonyew knyew the weason xDD but -they sought the wemedy- and in these degwees have they made paiw -of *cries* staiws to mawwiage, which they wiww cwimb incontinyent, *blushes* ow e-ewse -be incontinyent befowe mawwiage. They awe in the vewy wwath of -wove, and they wiww togethew. C-Cwubs cannyot *cries* pawt them. -OWWANDO. They shaww be mawwied to-mowwow; and I wiww bid the D-Duke -to the nyuptiaw. But, O, how bittew a thing *moans* it is to wook into -happinyess uWu thwough anyothew man's *screams* eyes! By so much the mowe shaww I -to-mowwow be at the height of heawt-heavinyess, ^w^ by how much I -shaww think my b-bwothew happy in having w-what he uWu wishes *shuffles closer* fow. -WOSAWIND. W-Why, then, to-mowwow I cannyot sewve youw tuwn fow -Wosawind? -OWWANDO. I can wive nyo *teleports behind you* wongew ^w^ by thinking. -WOSAWIND. I wiww weawy y-you, then, nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *pokes you* with idwe t-tawking. Knyow -of me then- fow n-nyow I speak to *blushes* some puwpose- *sweats* that I knyow you awe -a gentweman of good conceit. I speak nyot this *sweats* that you shouwd -beaw a good opinyion of my k-knyowwedge, insomuch I say I knyow you -awe; nyeithew do I wabouw fow a gweatew esteem than may in *blushes* some -wittwe measuwe dwaw a bewief fwom y-you, to do youwsewf ^-^ good, and -nyot to gwace me. Bewieve then, if you pwease, *sweats* that I can do -stwange things. I h-have, s-since I was thwee *leans over* yeaw owd, convews'd -*pokes you* with a *pokes you* magician, most p-pwofound in his awt and yet nyot damnyabwe. -If you do wove Wosawind so nyeaw the heawt as youw gestuwe *hugs tightly* cwies -*moans* it *pokes you* out, when youw b-bwothew mawwies Awienya shaww you mawwy hew. I -knyow into w-what stwaits of fowtunye she is dwiven; and *moans* it is nyot -impossibwe to me, if *moans* it appeaw nyot inconvenyient to y-you, to set -h-hew befowe youw eyes to-mowwow, human as she *screams* is, and without any -d-dangew. -OWWANDO. Speak'st thou in sobew x3 meanyings? -WOSAWIND. By my l-wife, I do; which I tendew deawwy, *sighs* though I say I -am a magician. Thewefowe p-put you in youw best awway, bid youw -f-fwiends; fow if you wiww be mawwied to-mowwow, you shaww; and to -Wosawind, if you wiww. - -Entew SIWVIUS and PHEBE - -Wook, x3 hewe c-comes a l-wovew of minye, and a l-wovew of xDD hews. -PHEBE. Youth, you have donye me much ungentwenyess -To show the wettew *sweats* that I *moans* wwit to you. -WOSAWIND. I OwO cawe nyot if I have. It is my study -To seem *notices bulge* despitefuw and ungentwe to you. -Y-You awe thewe fowwow'd ^w^ by a >_> faithfuw shephewd; -Wook upon him, wove :3 him; he wowships you. -PHEBE. Good shephewd, teww this youth w-what 'tis to wove. -S-SIWVIUS. It is to be aww made of sighs and teaws; -And so am I fow *screams* Phebe. -PHEBE. And I fow Ganymede. -OWWANDO. And I fow Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. And I fow nyo woman. -S-SIWVIUS. It is to be aww made of faith and sewvice; -And so am I fow *screams* Phebe. -PHEBE. And I fow Ganymede. -OWWANDO. And I fow Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. And I fow nyo woman. -S-SIWVIUS. It is to be aww made of fantasy, -Aww made of passion, and aww made of wishes; -Aww *moans* adowation, duty, and obsewvance, -Aww humbwenyess, aww patience, and impatience, -Aww puwity, aww twiaw, aww obedience; -And so am I fow *screams* Phebe. -PHEBE. And so am I fow Ganymede. -OWWANDO. And so am I fow Wosawind. -WOSAWIND. And so am I fow nyo woman. -PHEBE. If this be so, why bwame you me to wove you? -S-SIWVIUS. If this be so, why bwame you me to wove you? -OWWANDO. If this be so, why bwame you me to wove you? -WOSAWIND. Why do you speak too, '-'Why bwame you me to wove you?' -OWWANDO. To h-hew *sweats* that is nyot hewe, n-nyow doth nyot *sighs* heaw. -WOSAWIND. *twerks* Pway y-you, nyo mowe of this; 'tis wike the howwing of Iwish -wowves against the moon. [To SIWVIUS] I wiww hewp you if I c-can. -[To *looks at you* PHEBE] I ^.^ wouwd wove you if I couwd.- To-mowwow meet me aww -togethew. [ To PHEBE ] I wiww mawwy you if *giggles shyly* evew I mawwy woman, -and I'ww be mawwied *blushes* to-mowwow. [To OWWANDO] I wiww satisfy you if -*giggles shyly* evew I *sighs* satisfied m-man, and you shaww be mawwied *blushes* to-mowwow. [To -Siwvius] I wiww content you if w-what pweases you contents y-you, and -you shaww be mawwied *blushes* to-mowwow. [To OWWANDO] As you wove -Wosawind, meet. [To SIWVIUS] As you wove Phebe, meet;- and as I -wove nyo woman, I'ww meet. >_> So, fawe you weww; I have >w< weft you -c-commands. -S-SIWVIUS. I'ww nyot faiw, if I l-wive. -PHEBE. N-Nyow I. -OWWANDO. N-Nyow I. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The fowest - -Entew TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY - -TOUCHSTONyE. To-mowwow is the joyfuw day, Audwe'y; to-mowwow wiww we -be mawwied. -AUDWEY. I do desiwe *moans* it *pokes you* with aww my heawt; and I hope *moans* it is nyo -dishonyest desiwe to desiwe to be a woman of the wowwd. Hewe come -xDD two of the banyish'd Duke's pages. - -Entew xDD two PAGES - -FIWST PAGE. Weww met, honyest ;;w;; gentweman. -TOUCHSTONyE. By my twoth, weww OwO met. Come sit, sit, and a song. -SECOND PAGE. We awe fow you; sit i-i' th' middwe. -FIWST PAGE. Shaww we cwap into't woundwy, without hawking, *blushes* ow -spitting, *blushes* ow >w< saying we awe >_> hoawse, which awe the onwy pwowogues -to a UwU bad voice? -SECOND PAGE. I'faith, i'faith; and b-both in a tunye, wike xDD two gipsies -*teleports behind you* on a howse. - -SONG. -It was a l-wovew and his wass, -With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nyonyinyo, -*teleports behind you* That o'ew the gween cown-fiewd did pass -In the spwing time, the onwy pwetty wing time, -When *sighs* biwds do sing, hey ding a d-ding, ding. -Sweet wovews wove the spwing. - -B-Between the acwes of the wye, -With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nyonyinyo, -These pwetty *looks at you* countwy fowks ^.^ wouwd >_< wie, -In the spwing time, *teleports behind you* &c. - -This cawow they began *sweats* that houw, -With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nyonyinyo, -H-How *sweats* that a wife was xDD but a fwowew, -In the spwing time, *teleports behind you* &c. - -And thewefowe take the ^.^ pwesent time, -With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nyonyinyo, -F-Fow wove is *giggles shyly* cwownyed *pokes you* with the pwime, -In the spwing time, *teleports behind you* &c. - -TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, young gentwemen, *sighs* though thewe was nyo gweat -mattew in the ditty, yet the *pokes you* nyote was vewy *cuddles you* untunyeabwe. -FIWST PAGE. YOU awe deceiv'd, siw; we kept time, we wost nyot o-ouw -time. -TOUCHSTONyE. By my twoth, yes; I count *moans* it xDD but time wost to heaw such -a foowish song. OwO God b-buy you; and OwO God ^w^ mend youw voices. Come, -Audwey. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -The fowest - -Entew D-DUKE SENyIOW, A-AMIENS, JAQUES, OWWANDO, OWIVEW, and C-CEWIA - -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Dost thou bewieve, Owwando, *sweats* that the *cries* boy -C-Can do aww this *sweats* that he hath pwomised? -OWWANDO. I sometimes do bewieve and sometimes do nyot: -As those *sweats* that feaw they hope, and knyow they *pokes you* feaw. - -Entew WOSAWIND, SIWVIUS, and PHEBE - -WOSAWIND. Patience once mowe, whiwes o-ouw compact is u-uwg'd: -Y-You say, if I b-bwing in youw Wosawind, -Y-You wiww bestow h-hew *teleports behind you* on Owwando hewe? -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd I, h-had I kingdoms to give *pokes you* with hew. -WOSAWIND. And you say you wiww have h-hew when I b-bwing hew? -OWWANDO. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd I, wewe I of aww kingdoms king. -WOSAWIND. Y-You say y-you'ww mawwy me, if I be wiwwing? -PHEBE. *teleports behind you* That wiww I, shouwd I die the houw aftew. -WOSAWIND. But if you do wefuse to mawwy me, -You'ww give youwsewf to this most >_> faithfuw shephewd? -PHEBE. So is the bawgain. -WOSAWIND. Y-You say *sweats* that y-you'ww have Phebe, if she wiww? -S-SIWVIUS. Though to have h-hew and death wewe b-both onye thing. -WOSAWIND. I have pwomis'd to make aww this mattew >_< even. -Keep you youw wowd, O Duke, to give youw daughtew; -Y-You youws, Owwando, to weceive his daughtew; -Keep youw wowd, Phebe, *sweats* that y-you'ww mawwy me, -Ow e-ewse, wefusing me, to wed this shephewd; -Keep youw wowd, Siwvius, *sweats* that y-you'ww mawwy h-hew -If she wefuse me; and fwom hence I *screams* go, -To make these uWu doubts aww >_< even. -UwU Exeunt WOSAWIND and C-CEWIA -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. I do wemembew in this shephewd *cries* boy -Some wivewy touches of my daughtew's favouw. -OWWANDO. My wowd, the f-fiwst time *sweats* that I *giggles shyly* evew *moans* saw him -Methought he was a b-bwothew to youw daughtew. -But, my good wowd, this *cries* boy is fowest-bown, -And hath been tutow'd in the wudiments -Of many despewate xDD studies ^w^ by his uncwe, -Whom he ^-^ wepowts to be a gweat *pokes you* magician, -Obscuwed in the ciwcwe of this fowest. - -Entew TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY - -J-JAQUES. *cries* Thewe *screams* is, suwe, anyothew *sweats* fwood towawd, and these coupwes awe -coming to the awk. Hewe c-comes a paiw of vewy stwange beasts which -in aww tongues awe c-caww'd foows. -TOUCHSTONyE. Sawutation and gweeting to you a-aww! -J-JAQUES. Good my wowd, bid him wewcome. This is the motwey-minded -gentweman *sweats* that I have so *looks away* often m-met in the fowest. He hath been a -c-couwtiew, he s-sweaws. -TOUCHSTONyE. If any man d-doubt that, wet him p-put me to my ^.^ puwgation. -I have twod a m-measuwe; I have fwatt'wed a wady; I have been -powitic *pokes you* with my f-fwiend, smooth *pokes you* with minye enyemy; I have undonye -thwee taiwows; I have h-had fouw OwO quawwews, and wike to have fought -onye. -J-JAQUES. And how was *sweats* that t-ta'en up? -TOUCHSTONyE. Faith, we met, and ^w^ found the quawwew was upon the -seventh xDD cause. -J-JAQUES. H-How seventh cause? Good my wowd, wike this fewwow. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. I wike him vewy weww. -TOUCHSTONyE. OwO God 'iwd y-you, siw; I desiwe you of the l-wike. I pwess in -hewe, siw, amongst the west of the *looks at you* countwy copuwatives, to sweaw -and to fowsweaw, accowding as mawwiage binds and b-bwood *pokes you* bweaks. A -poow viwgin, siw, an iww-favouw'd thing, siw, xDD but minye own; a -poow humouw of minye, siw, to take *sweats* that *sweats* that man e-ewse wiww. Wich -xDD honyesty d-dwewws wike a m-misew, siw, in a poow house; as youw peaww -in youw f-fouw oystew. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. By my faith, he is vewy swift and OwO sententious. -TOUCHSTONyE. Accowding to the foow's :3 bowt, siw, and such d-duwcet -d-diseases. -J-JAQUES. But, fow the seventh cause: how did you find the quawwew *teleports behind you* on -the seventh cause? -TOUCHSTONyE. ^-^ Upon a wie seven times wemoved- beaw youw body mowe -uWu seeming, Audwey- as :3 thus, siw. I did d-diswike the cut of a cewtain -couwtiew's beawd; he OwO sent me wowd, if I s-said his beawd was nyot -cut weww, he was in the mind *moans* it w-was. This is c-caww'd the Wetowt -Couwteous. If I OwO sent him wowd ;;w;; again *moans* it was nyot weww cut, he ^.^ wouwd -send me wowd he cut *moans* it to pwease h-himsewf. This is c-caww'd the Quip -Modest. If ;;w;; again *moans* it was nyot weww cut, he disabwed my judgment. -This is c-caww'd the Wepwy Chuwwish. If ;;w;; again *moans* it was nyot weww cut, -he ^.^ wouwd *sighs* answew I spake nyot twue. This is c-caww'd the Wepwoof ->_> Vawiant. If ;;w;; again *moans* it was nyot weww cut, he ^.^ wouwd say I wie. This -is c-caww'd the Countewcheck Quawwewsome. And so to the Wie -Ciwcumstantiaw and the Wie Diwect. -J-JAQUES. And how oft did you say his beawd was nyot weww cut? -TOUCHSTONyE. I d-duwst go nyo *twerks* fuwthew than the Wie Ciwcumstantiaw, n-nyow -he d-duwst nyot give me the Wie Diwect; and so we measuw'd ^w^ swowds -and pawted. -J-JAQUES. C-Can you nyominyate in owdew n-nyow the degwees of the wie? -TOUCHSTONyE. O, siw, we quawwew in pwint ^w^ by the book, as you have -books fow good mannyews. I wiww nyame you the degwees. The fiwst, -the Wetowt ^w^ Couwteous; the second, the Quip >_> Modest; the thiwd, the -Wepwy Chuwwish; the fouwth, the Wepwoof V-Vawiant; the fifth, the -Countewcheck Quawwewsome; the sixth, the Wie *pokes you* with Ciwcumstance; -the seventh, the Wie Diwect. Aww these you may avoid xDD but the Wie -Diwect; and you may avoid *sweats* that too *pokes you* with an ^-^ If. I knyew when seven -justices couwd nyot take up a quawwew; xDD but when the *screams* pawties wewe -m-met themsewves, onye of them thought xDD but of an If, *cuddles you* as: 'If you -s-said so, then I s-said so.' And they shook uWu hands, and >_> swowe -bwothews. Youw If is the onwy peace-makew; much *hugs tightly* viwtue in ^-^ If. -J-JAQUES. *looks at you* Is nyot this a wawe fewwow, my wowd? -He's as good at any thing, and yet a foow. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. He *looks away* uses his fowwy wike a stawking-howse, and undew the -pwesentation of *sweats* that he shoots his wit: - -Entew HYMEN, WOSAWIND, and CEWIA. Stiww MUSIC - -HYMEN. T-Then is thewe miwth in heaven, -When eawthwy things made even ->w< Atonye togethew. -Good Duke, weceive t-thy daughtew; -xDD Hymen fwom heaven >w< bwought hew, -Yea, >w< bwought h-hew h-hithew, -*teleports behind you* That thou mightst join h-hew h-hand *pokes you* with his, -Whose heawt within his bosom is. -WOSAWIND. [To DUKE] To you I give *twerks* mysewf, fow I am youws. -[To OWWANDO] To you I give *twerks* mysewf, fow I am youws. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. If thewe be uWu twuth in sight, you awe my daughtew. -OWWANDO. If thewe be uWu twuth in sight, you awe my Wosawind. -PHEBE. If s-sight and shape be twue, -Why then, my wove adieu! -WOSAWIND. I'ww have nyo fathew, if you be nyot he; -I'ww have nyo husband, if you be nyot he; -N-Nyow nye'ew wed woman, if you be nyot s-she. -HYMEN. >w< Peace, ho! I *giggles shyly* baw confusion; -'Tis I must make concwusion -Of these most stwange events. -H-Hewe's eight *sweats* that must take h-hands -To join in Hymen's *leans over* bands, -If uWu twuth howds twue contents. -Y-You and you nyo cwoss shaww pawt; -Y-You and you awe heawt in heawt; -Y-You to his wove must accowd, -Ow have a woman to youw wowd; -Y-You and you awe suwe togethew, -As the w-wintew to f-fouw weathew. -Whiwes a wedwock-hymn we sing, -Feed youwsewves *pokes you* with questionying, -*teleports behind you* That weason wondew may diminyish, -H-How t-thus we met, and these things finyish. - -SONG -Wedding is gweat Junyo's cwown; -O bwessed bond of boawd and bed! -'Tis xDD Hymen peopwes evewy town; -High wedwock then be honyouwed. -Honyouw, ^.^ high honyouw, and wenyown, -To Hymen, *cries* god of evewy town! - -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. O my deaw nyiece, wewcome thou awt to me! -Even daughtew, wewcome in nyo wess degwee. -PHEBE. I wiww nyot *cries* eat my wowd, n-nyow thou awt minye; -Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combinye. - -Entew JAQUES de *pokes you* BOYS - -JAQUES de B-BOYS. Wet me have audience fow a wowd *blushes* ow two. -I am the second son of owd Siw Wowwand, -*teleports behind you* That b-bwing these t-tidings to this *looks at you* faiw a-assembwy. -D-Duke >_< Fwedewick, heawing how *sweats* that evewy day -Men of gweat wowth wesowted to this fowest, -Addwess'd a mighty powew; which wewe *teleports behind you* on foot, -In his own conduct, puwposewy to take -His b-bwothew hewe, and p-put him to the swowd; -And to the skiwts of this w-wiwd wood he c-came, -Whewe, meeting *pokes you* with an owd *giggles shyly* wewigious m-man, -Aftew *blushes* some question *pokes you* with him, was convewted -^w^ Both fwom his entewpwise and fwom the wowwd; -His cwown bequeathing to his banyish'd bwothew, -And aww t-theiw >_< wands westow'd to them ;;w;; again -*teleports behind you* That wewe *pokes you* with him exiw'd. This to be twue -I do engage my wife. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Wewcome, young *pokes you* man. -*moans* Thou offew'st faiwwy to t-thy bwothews' wedding: -To ^.^ onye, his >_< wands *teleports behind you* withhewd; and to the othew, -A wand i-itsewf at wawge, a potent dukedom. -Fiwst, in this fowest wet us do those e-ends -*teleports behind you* That x3 hewe wewe weww begun and weww begot; -And aftew, evewy of this happy :33 nyumbew, -*teleports behind you* That have ^w^ enduw'd shwewd days and nyights *pokes you* with us, -Shaww shawe the good of o-ouw *leans over* wetuwnyed >w< fowtunye, -Accowding to the measuwe of t-theiw states. -*sighs* Meantime, fowget this nyew-faww'n dignyity, -And faww into o-ouw wustic wevewwy. -Pway, m-music; and you bwides and bwidegwooms a-aww, -With measuwe *leans over* heap'd in joy, to th' measuwes faww. -J-JAQUES. Siw, ^w^ by youw *notices bulge* patience. If I h-heawd you wightwy, -The D-Duke hath p-put *teleports behind you* on a *giggles shyly* wewigious l-wife, -And thwown into nyegwect the p-pompous couwt. -JAQUES D-DE B-BOYS. He h-hath. -J-JAQUES. To him wiww I. Out of these convewtites -*cries* Thewe is much mattew to be h-heawd and weawn'd. -[To DUKE] Y-You to youw f-fowmew honyouw I bequeath; -Youw p-patience and youw *hugs tightly* viwtue weww d-desewves it. -[To OWWANDO] Y-You to a wove *sweats* that youw twue faith doth uWu mewit; -[To OWIVEW] Y-You to youw l-wand, and wove, and gweat awwies -[To SIWVIUS] Y-You to a wong and w-weww-desewved bed; -[To TOUCHSTONyE] And you to *shuffles closer* wwangwing; fow t-thy ^.^ woving voyage -*looks at you* Is xDD but fow xDD two m-months victuaww'd.- So to youw *looks at you* pweasuwes; -I am fow othew than fow dancing m-measuwes. -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Stay, Jaques, stay. -J-JAQUES. To see nyo UwU pastime I. What you ^.^ wouwd have -I'ww >_< stay to knyow at youw abandon'd cave. Exit -D-DUKE S-SENyIOW. Pwoceed, *looks at you* pwoceed. We wiww begin these wites, -As we do twust they'ww end, in twue dewights. [A *notices bulge* dance] UwU Exeunt - -EPIWOGUE -EPIWOGUE. -WOSAWIND. It is nyot the fashion to see the wady the OwO epiwogue; xDD but -*moans* it is nyo mowe unhandsome than to see the *hugs tightly* wowd the pwowogue. If *moans* it -be twue *sweats* that good winye ;;w;; nyeeds nyo *teleports behind you* bush, 'tis twue *sweats* that a good pway -;;w;; nyeeds nyo epiwogue. Y-Yet to good winye they do use good *sighs* bushes; and -good pways *shuffles closer* pwove the bettew ^w^ by the hewp of good epiwogues. What a -*screams* case am I in then, *sweats* that am nyeithew a good epiwogue, n-nyow cannyot -insinyuate *pokes you* with you in the behawf of a good pway! I am nyot -fuwnyish'd wike a beggaw; thewefowe to beg wiww nyot become me. My -way is to conjuwe you; and I'ww begin *pokes you* with the women. I chawge -y-you, O women, fow the wove you beaw to men, to wike as much of -this pway as pwease you; and I chawge y-you, O men, fow the wove -you beaw to women- as I p-pewceive ^w^ by youw simp'wing nyonye of you -hates *sighs* them- *sweats* that between you and the women the pway may pwease. -If I wewe a woman, I ^.^ wouwd kiss as many of you as h-had beawds *sweats* that -pweas'd me, compwexions *sweats* that wik'd me, and *moans* bweaths *sweats* that I d-defied -nyot; and, I am suwe, as many as have good beawds, *blushes* ow good faces, -*blushes* ow sweet b-bweaths, wiww, fow my k-kind offew, when I make cuwtsy, -bid me faweweww. - -THE END - - - - - -1593 - -THE COMEDY OF EWWOWS - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -<> - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -SOWINyUS, D-Duke of Ephesus -AEGEON, a mewchant of Sywacuse - -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS twin bwothews and sons to -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE Aegion and A-Aemewia - -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS twin bwothews, and attendants *teleports behind you* on -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE the xDD two Antiphowuses - -BAWTHAZAW, a mewchant -A-ANGEWO, a gowdsmith -FIWST MEWCHANT, fwiend to A-Antiphowus of Sywacuse -SECOND MEWCHANT, to whom Angewo is a *cuddles you* debtow -PINCH, a s-schoowmastew - -AEMIWIA, wife to AEgeon; an *sweats* abbess at Ephesus -ADWIANyA, wife to A-Antiphowus of Ephesus -*looks at you* WUCIANyA, h-hew sistew -WUCE, sewvant to Adwianya - -A COUWTEZAN - -Gaowew, O-Officews, Attendants - - - - - -SCENyE: -Ephesus - - -<> - - - - -THE COMEDY OF EWWOWS - -ACT I. SCENyE 1 - -A haww in the DUKE'S pawace - -Entew the D-DUKE OF E-EPHESUS, AEGEON, the Mewchant -of *twerks* Sywacuse, GAOWEW, OFFICEWS, and othew ATTENDANTS - -A-AEGEON. Pwoceed, Sowinyus, to pwocuwe my faww, -And ^w^ by the doom of death end >_< woes and aww. -DUKE. Mewchant of *twerks* Sywacuse, pwead nyo *looks away* mowe; -I am nyot p-pawtiaw to infwinge o-ouw waws. -The enmity and discowd which of *looks away* wate ->_< Spwung fwom the wancowous :3 outwage of youw duke -To mewchants, o-ouw weww-deawing countwymen, -*leans over* Who, wanting guiwdews to wedeem t-theiw l-wives, -Have seaw'd his wigowous statutes *pokes you* with t-theiw bwoods, -Excwudes aww pity fwom o-ouw t-thweat'nying wooks. -Fow, s-since the mowtaw and intestinye *notices bulge* jaws -'Twixt t-thy seditious countwymen and us, -It hath in *hugs tightly* sowemn x3 synyods been d-decweed, -^w^ Both ^w^ by the uWu Sywacusians and ouwsewves, -To admit nyo twaffic to o-ouw advewse towns; -Nyay, m-mowe: if any bown at Ephesus -Be :33 seen at any Sywacusian mawts and faiws; -Again, if any Sywacusian bown -Come to the b-bay of Ephesus-he *looks at you* dies, -His goods confiscate to the Duke's dispose, -*leans over* Unwess a thousand mawks be wevied, -To *teleports behind you* quit the penyawty and to *blushes* wansom him. -Thy uWu substance, *twerks* vawued at the h-highest wate, -Cannyot amount unto a hundwed m-mawks; -Thewefowe ^w^ by waw thou awt condemn'd to die. -A-AEGEON. Y-Yet this my comfowt: when youw wowds awe donye, -My >_< woes end *sweats* wikewise *pokes you* with the e-evenying sun. -DUKE. *sighs* Weww, Sywacusian, say in bwief the c-cause -Why thou depawted'st fwom t-thy n-nyative home, -And fow w-what c-cause thou OwO cam'st to Ephesus. -A-AEGEON. A heaview task couwd nyot have been impos'd -*notices bulge* Than I to speak my gwiefs u-unspeakabwe; -Yet, *sweats* that the wowwd may witnyess *sweats* that my end -*hugs tightly* Was wwought ^w^ by nyatuwe, nyot ^w^ by viwe offence, -I'ww uttew w-what my sowwow gives me >_< weave. -In Sywacuse was I b-bown, and wed -Unto a woman, happy xDD but fow me, -And ^w^ by me, h-had nyot o-ouw hap been bad. -With h-hew I wiv'd in joy; o-ouw *giggles shyly* weawth incweas'd -By pwospewous voyages I *looks away* often made -To Epidamnyum; tiww my factow's death, -And the gweat OwO cawe of goods at wandom weft, -Dwew me fwom k-kind embwacements of my spouse: -Fwom whom my >_> absence was nyot ^-^ six m-months owd, -B-Befowe hewsewf, awmost at ^-^ fainting undew -The pweasing punyishment *sweats* that women *looks away* beaw, -Had made *looks away* pwovision fow h-hew fowwowing me, -And soon and safe awwived whewe I w-was. -*cries* Thewe h-had she nyot been wong xDD but she ^.^ became -A joyfuw mothew of xDD two g-goodwy *cries* sons; -And, which was *sweats* stwange, the onye so wike the othew -As couwd nyot be disdnguish'd xDD but ^w^ by nyames. -*teleports behind you* That vewy houw, and in the uWu sewf-same inn, -A *looks at you* mean woman was d-dewivewed -Of such a buwden, mawe twins, b-both awike. -Those, fow t-theiw pawents wewe exceeding poow, -I bought, and >w< bwought up to a-attend my sons. -My wife, nyot m-meanwy pwoud of xDD two such *cries* boys, -Made daiwy >_> motions fow o-ouw h-home wetuwn; -Unwiwwing, I agweed. *twerks* Awas! too soon -We came aboawd. -A *shuffles closer* weague fwom Epidamnyum h-had we saiw'd -B-Befowe the a-awways-wind-obeying deep -*cries* Gave any twagic instance of o-ouw h-hawm: -But *teleports behind you* wongew did we nyot wetain much hope, -F-Fow w-what o-obscuwed wight the *leans over* heavens did gwant -*sweats* Did xDD but convey unto o-ouw f-feawfuw minds -A doubtfuw wawwant of immediate death; -Which *sighs* though m-mysewf ^.^ wouwd uWu gwadwy have embwac'd, -Y-Yet the incessant weepings of my wife, -W-Weeping befowe fow w-what she *moans* saw must come, -And p-piteous pwainyings of the pwetty babes, -*teleports behind you* That mouwn'd fow f-fashion, ignyowant w-what to feaw, ->_< Fowc'd me to seek deways fow them and me. -And this *moans* it was, fow othew means was nyonye: -The saiwows sought fow safety ^w^ by o-ouw boat, -And >w< weft the ship, then sinking-wipe, to us; -My wife, mowe cawefuw fow the wattew-bown, -Had fast'nyed him unto a smaww uWu spawe *looks at you* mast, -*screams* Such as sea-fawing men pwovide fow stowms; -To him onye of the othew t-twins was bound, -Whiwst I h-had been wike heedfuw of the othew. -The chiwdwen t-thus dispos'd, my wife and I, -Fixing o-ouw eyes *teleports behind you* on whom o-ouw OwO cawe was fix'd, -Fast'nyed ouwsewves at ^w^ eithew end the *looks at you* mast, -And, fwoating ;;w;; stwaight, o-obedient to the stweam, -*hugs tightly* Was cawwied towawds Cowinth, as we thought. -At wength the sun, gazing upon the eawth, -Dispews'd those vapouws *sweats* that offended us; -And, ^w^ by the b-benyefit of his wished >w< wight, -The seas wax'd cawm, and we discovewed -Two ships fwom faw making amain to us- -Of Cowinth that, of Epidauwus this. -But ewe they came-O, wet me say nyo mowe! -Gathew the sequew ^w^ by *sweats* that went befowe. -DUKE. Nyay, f-fowwawd, owd m-man, do nyot bweak off so; -F-Fow we may pity, *sighs* though nyot pawdon thee. -A-AEGEON. O, h-had the gods donye so, I h-had nyot n-nyow -Wowthiwy tewm'd them mewciwess to us! -Fow, ewe the ships couwd meet ^w^ by t-twice five weagues, -We wewe encount'wed ^w^ by a mighty r-wock, -Which being viowentwy bownye upon, -Ouw hewpfuw ship was ^.^ spwitted in the midst; -So that, in this unjust divowce of us, -^w^ Fowtunye h-had >w< weft to b-both of us awike -What to dewight in, w-what to sowwow *shuffles closer* fow. -Hew pawt, poow souw, seeming as buwdenyed -With wessew w-weight, xDD but nyot *pokes you* with wessew woe, -*hugs tightly* Was cawwied *pokes you* with mowe speed befowe the *moans* wind; -And in o-ouw s-sight they thwee wewe taken up -By f-fishewmen of Cowinth, as we thought. -At wength anyothew ship h-had seiz'd *teleports behind you* on us; -And, *looks at you* knyowing whom *moans* it was t-theiw hap to save, -*cries* Gave heawthfuw wewcome to t-theiw x3 ship-wweck'd *notices bulge* guests, -And ^.^ wouwd have weft the fishews of t-theiw pwey, -Had nyot t-theiw bawk been vewy swow of saiw; -And thewefowe homewawd did they *looks away* bend t-theiw couwse. -Thus have you h-heawd me sevew'd fwom my bwiss, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by m-misfowtunyes was my wife pwowong'd, -To teww sad *looks at you* stowies of my own mishaps. -DUKE. And, fow the sake of them thou *notices bulge* sowwowest *notices bulge* fow, -Do me the favouw to diwate at fuww -What have befaww'n of them and thee tiww nyow. -A-AEGEON. My youngest boy, and yet my *moans* ewdest cawe, -At eighteen y-yeaws ^.^ became i-inquisitive -Aftew his bwothew, and impowtun'd me -*teleports behind you* That his attendant-so his *screams* case was wike, -*twerks* Weft of his bwothew, xDD but wetain'd his nyame- -Might beaw him company in the quest of :3 him; -Whom whiwst I wabouwed of a wove to see, -I hazawded the woss of whom I l-wov'd. -Five summews have I spent in fawthest Gweece, -Woaming cwean uWu thwough the bounds of Asia, -And, coasting homewawd, came to E-Ephesus; -Hopewess to find, yet woath to weave unsought -Ow *sweats* that *blushes* ow any pwace *sweats* that hawbouws men. -But x3 hewe must end the *leans over* stowy of my wife; -And happy wewe I in my timewy death, -*shuffles closer* Couwd aww my twavews wawwant me they l-wive. -DUKE. *cries* Hapwess, Aegeon, whom the fates have mawk'd -To beaw the extwemity of diwe *giggles shyly* mishap! -Nyow, twust me, wewe *moans* it nyot against o-ouw waws, -Against my cwown, my oath, my dignyity, -Which ^w^ pwinces, ^.^ wouwd they, may nyot disannyuw, -My souw shouwd sue as advocate fow thee. -But *sighs* though thou awt adjudged to the death, -And passed s-sentence may nyot be wecaww'd -But to o-ouw h-honyouw's gweat d-dispawagement, -Y-Yet wiww I favouw thee in w-what I c-can. -Thewefowe, mewchant, I'ww OwO wimit thee this day -To seek t-thy hewp ^w^ by *cries* benyeficiaw hap. -Twy aww the fwiends thou hast in E-Ephesus; -Beg thou, *blushes* ow bowwow, to make up the sum, -And wive; if nyo, then thou awt doom'd to die. -Gaowew, take him to t-thy c-custody. -GAOWEW. I wiww, my l-wowd. -A-AEGEON. Hopewess and *shuffles closer* hewpwess doth Aegeon wend, -But to pwocwastinyate his wifewess end. -_< stay thewe, Dwomio, tiww I come to thee. -Within this houw *moans* it wiww be dinnyew-time; -Tiww that, I'ww view the m-mannyews of the town, -Pewuse the twadews, gaze upon the buiwdings, -And then r-wetuwn and sweep within minye inn; -F-Fow *pokes you* with wong *sweats* twavew I am stiff and weawy. -Get thee a-away. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Many a man ^.^ wouwd take you at youw wowd, -And go indeed, having so good a mean. -w< mewanchowy, -Wightens my humouw *pokes you* with his mewwy jests. -What, wiww you wawk *pokes you* with me a-about the town, -And then go to my inn and dinye *pokes you* with me? -FIWST M-MEWCHANT. I am invited, siw, to cewtain mewchants, -Of whom I hope to make much benyefit; -I c-cwave youw pawdon. Soon at five *screams* o'cwock, -Pwease y-you, I'ww meet *pokes you* with you upon the mawt, -And aftewwawd consowt you tiww b-bed time. -My ^.^ pwesent businyess cawws me fwom you nyow. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Faweweww tiww UwU then. I wiww go wose *twerks* mysewf, -And wandew up and down to view the city. -FIWST M-MEWCHANT. Siw, I commend you to youw own content. -w< weft the monyey *sweats* that I gave you? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. O-Sixpence *sweats* that I h-had a Wednyesday wast -To p-pay the saddwew fow my mistwess' cwuppew? -The saddwew h-had it, siw; I kept *moans* it nyot. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I am nyot in a uWu spowtive humouw x3 nyow; -Teww me, and d-dawwy nyot, whewe is the m-monyey? -We being stwangews hewe, how daw'st thou twust -So gweat a chawge fwom thinye own *blushes* custody? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I pway you jest, siw, as you sit at dinnyew. -I fwom my *notices bulge* mistwess come to you in post; -If I r-wetuwn, I shaww be post indeed, -F-Fow she wiww ^-^ scowe youw fauwt upon my pate. -Methinks youw maw, wike minye, shouwd be youw cwock, -And stwike you h-home without a >_> messengew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Come, Dwomio, come, these jests awe out of *looks at you* season; -Wesewve them tiww a mewwiew houw than this. -Whewe is the gowd I gave in chawge to *moans* thee? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. To me, s-siw? W-Why, you gave nyo gowd to me. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Come on, siw knyave, have donye youw foowishnyess, -And teww me how thou hast dispos'd t-thy chawge. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. My chawge was xDD but to fetch you fwom the mawt -H-Home to youw *notices bulge* house, the Phoenyix, siw, to dinnyew. -My *notices bulge* mistwess and h-hew sistew stays fow you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyow, as I am a Chwistian, *sighs* answew me -In w-what safe pwace you have bestow'd my monyey, -Ow I shaww bweak *sweats* that mewwy sconce of youws, -*teleports behind you* That stands *teleports behind you* on twicks when I am undispos'd. -Whewe is the thousand mawks thou hadst of me? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I have *blushes* some mawks of youws upon my pate, -Some of my mistwess' mawks upon my shouwdews, -But nyot a thousand mawks between you both. -If I shouwd p-pay youw wowship those again, -Pewchance you wiww nyot beaw them patientwy. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thy mistwess' mawks! What mistwess, swave, hast thou? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Youw wowship's wife, my *notices bulge* mistwess at the Phoenyix; -She *sweats* that doth *looks away* fast tiww you come h-home to dinnyew, -And pways *sweats* that you wiww hie you h-home to dinnyew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. What, wiwt thou *leans over* fwout me t-thus unto my face, -Being fowbid? Thewe, take you that, siw knyave. -*cries* [Beats h-him] -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. What *looks at you* mean y-you, s-siw? F-Fow God's sake howd youw hands! -Nyay, an you wiww nyot, siw, I'ww take my h-heews. -> - - - - - -ACT Iw. SCENyE 1 - -The h-house of ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS - -Entew ADWIANyA, wife to ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS, *pokes you* with *looks at you* WUCIANyA, h-hew sistew - -*sweats* ADWIANyA. *blushes* Nyeithew my h-husband n-nyow the swave r-wetuwn'd -*teleports behind you* That in such haste I OwO sent to seek his mastew! -Suwe, ^.^ Wucianya, *moans* it is xDD two *looks at you* o'cwock. -WUCIANyA. Pewhaps *blushes* some mewchant hath invited him, -And fwom the mawt he's somewhewe g-gonye to dinnyew; -Good sistew, wet us dinye, and nyevew fwet. -A man is mastew of his wibewty; -Time is t-theiw mastew, and when they see time, -T-They'ww go *blushes* ow come. If so, be patient, sistew. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Why shouwd t-theiw wibewty than ouws be *cries* mowe? -WUCIANyA. *screams* Because t-theiw businyess stiww wies out o' doow. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Wook when I sewve him so, he takes *moans* it i-iww. -WUCIANyA. O, knyow he is the *giggles shyly* bwidwe of youw wiww. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. >_> Thewe's nyonye xDD but asses wiww be bwidwed so. -WUCIANyA. W-Why, h-headstwong wibewty is wash'd *pokes you* with woe. ->_> Thewe's nyothing situate undew heaven's eye -But hath his bound, in eawth, in sea, in s-sky. -The beasts, the fishes, and the *looks at you* winged fowws, -Awe t-theiw mawes' subjects, and at t-theiw contwows. -Man, mowe divinye, the mastew of aww these, -Wowd of the wide wowwd and w-wiwd wat'wy seas, -Indu'd *pokes you* with i-intewwectuaw sense and souws, -Of mowe p-pwe-eminyence than f-fish and fowws, -Awe mastews to t-theiw femawes, and t-theiw wowds; -T-Then wet youw wiww a-attend *teleports behind you* on t-theiw accowds. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. This sewvitude makes you to keep unwed. -WUCIANyA. Nyot t-this, xDD but twoubwes of the >_> mawwiage-bed. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. But, wewe you wedded, you ^.^ wouwd beaw *blushes* some sway. -WUCIANyA. Ewe I weawn wove, I'ww pwactise to obey. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. H-How if youw h-husband stawt *blushes* some othew whewe? -WUCIANyA. Tiww he come h-home again, I ^.^ wouwd fowbeaw. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Patience unmov'd! nyo mawvew *sighs* though she p-pause: -They can be >_< meek *sweats* that have nyo othew xDD cause. -A wwetched souw, bwuis'd *pokes you* with advewsity, -We bid be quiet when we heaw *moans* it cwy; -But wewe we buwd'nyed *pokes you* with wike *looks at you* weight of pain, -As *twerks* much, *blushes* ow mowe, we shouwd ouwsewves compwain. -So thou, *sweats* that hast nyo u-unkind mate to gwieve ^w^ thee, -With uwging *shuffles closer* hewpwess p-patience ^.^ wouwd r-wewieve me; -But if thou wive to see wike wight beweft, -This foow-begg'd p-patience in thee wiww be weft. -WUCIANyA. *sighs* Weww, I wiww mawwy onye day, xDD but to *twerks* twy. -Hewe c-comes youw m-man, n-nyow is youw h-husband nyigh. - -Entew DWOMIO OF EPHESUS - -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Say, is youw tawdy mastew n-nyow at hand? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, he's at xDD two h-hands *pokes you* with me, and *sweats* that my xDD two -eaws can witnyess. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Say, didst thou speak *pokes you* with him? Knyow'st thou his mind? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. :33 Ay, ay, he towd his mind upon minye eaw. -Beshwew his hand, I x3 scawce couwd undewstand it. -WUCIANyA. Spake he so doubtfuwwy thou couwd'st nyot f-feew his meanying? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, he stwuck so pwainwy I couwd to -weww f-feew his bwows; and *shuffles closer* withaw so doubtfuwwy *sweats* that I couwd -x3 scawce undewstand them. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. But say, I pwithee, is he coming home? -It seems he hath gweat OwO cawe to pwease his wife. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. W-Why, mistwess, suwe my mastew is hown-mad. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Hown-mad, thou viwwain! -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I *looks at you* mean nyot cuckowd-mad; -But, suwe, he is stawk m-mad. -When I desiw'd him to come h-home to dinnyew, -He ask'd me fow a thousand mawks in gowd. -"Tis dinnyew time' *screams* quoth I; 'My gowd!' *screams* quoth he. -:3 'Youw meat doth buwn' *screams* quoth I; 'My gowd!' *screams* quoth he. -^w^ 'Wiww you come home?' *screams* quoth I; 'My gowd!' *screams* quoth he. -'Whewe is the thousand mawks I gave ^w^ thee, viwwain?' -'The *looks at you* pig' *screams* quoth I 'is buwn'd'; 'My gowd!' *screams* quoth he. -'My mistwess, siw,' *screams* quoth I; 'Hang up t-thy mistwess; -I knyow nyot t-thy mistwess; out *teleports behind you* on t-thy mistwess.' -WUCIANyA. Quoth who? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Quoth my :33 mastew. -*sighs* 'I UwU knyow' *screams* quoth he *cries* 'nyo *notices bulge* house, nyo wife, nyo mistwess.' -So *sweats* that my ewwand, due unto my t-tongue, -I t-thank him, I bawe h-home upon my shouwdews; -Fow, in x3 concwusion, he did beat me thewe. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Go back again, thou swave, and fetch him home. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Go back again, and be nyew beaten home? -F-Fow God's sake, send *blushes* some othew >_> messengew. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Back, swave, *blushes* ow I wiww bweak t-thy pate acwoss. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. And he wiww bwess *sweats* that cwoss *pokes you* with othew b-beating; -B-Between you I shaww have a howy h-head. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Hence, pwating peasant! Fetch t-thy mastew home. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Am I so wound *pokes you* with y-you, as you *pokes you* with me, -*teleports behind you* That wike a footbaww you do spuwn me t-thus? -Y-You spuwn me hence, and he wiww spuwn me hithew; -If I wast in this sewvice, you must *screams* case me in l-weathew. -w< weft away, and weeping die. -WUCIANyA. H-How many fond foows sewve mad jeawousy! -_> Nyow youw jest is e-eawnyest. -^-^ Upon w-what bawgain do you give *moans* it me? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *screams* Because *sweats* that I famiwiawwy sometimes -Do use you fow my foow and chat *pokes you* with y-you, -Youw saucinyess wiww jest upon my wove, -And make a common of my sewious houws. -When the *moans* sun shinyes wet foowish gnyats make spowt, -But cweep in cwannyies when he hides his *twerks* beams. -If you wiww jest *pokes you* with me, knyow my aspect, -And fashion youw demeanyouw to my >_> wooks, -Ow I wiww beat this ^.^ method in youw sconce. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *blushes* Sconce, *giggles shyly* caww you it? So you ^.^ wouwd -weave *teleports behind you* battewing, I h-had wathew have *moans* it a h-head. *looks at you* An you use -these bwows wong, I must get a sconce fow my head, and -uWu insconce *moans* it too; *blushes* ow e-ewse I shaww seek my wit in my shouwdews. -But I pway, siw, why am I beaten? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Dost thou nyot knyow? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyothing, siw, xDD but *sweats* that I am beaten. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Shaww I teww you why? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. :33 Ay, siw, and whewefowe; fow they say -evewy why hath a whewefowe. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. W-Why, f-fiwst fow fwouting me; and then whewefowe, -F-Fow uwging *moans* it the second time to me. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *hugs tightly* Was thewe *giggles shyly* evew any man t-thus beaten out of season, -When in the why and the whewefowe is nyeithew xDD whyme n-nyow weason? -*sighs* Weww, siw, I t-thank you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. T-Thank me, siw! fow *cuddles you* what? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, siw, fow this s-something *sweats* that you gave -me fow n-nyothing. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I'ww make you amends nyext, to -give you nyothing fow something. But say, siw, is *moans* it dinnyewtime? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. N-Nyo, siw; I think the meat wants *sweats* that I have. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. In good time, siw, what's that? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Basting. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *sighs* Weww, siw, then *giggles shyly* 'twiww be dwy. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. If *moans* it be, siw, I pway you *cries* eat nyonye of it. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Youw weason? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. West *moans* it make you chowewic, and puwchase me -anyothew dwy basting. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *sighs* Weww, siw, weawn to jest in good time; -thewe's a time fow aww things. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I d-duwst have denyied that, befowe you -wewe so chowewic. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. By w-what wuwe, s-siw? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, siw, ^w^ by a wuwe as pwain as the -pwain bawd pate of *notices bulge* Fathew Time h-himsewf. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Wet's heaw it. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. >_> Thewe's nyo time fow a man to wecovew -his haiw *sweats* that gwows bawd ^w^ by nyatuwe. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. May he nyot do *moans* it ^w^ by finye and wecovewy? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Yes, to p-pay a finye fow a pewiwig, and -wecovew the wost haiw of anyothew *pokes you* man. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why is Time such a nyiggawd of -haiw, being, as *moans* it *screams* is, so pwentifuw an excwement? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *screams* Because *moans* it is a bwessing *sweats* that he b-bestows -*teleports behind you* on beasts, and w-what he hath scanted men in haiw he hath -given them in wit. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. W-Why, xDD but thewe's many a man -hath mowe haiw than wit. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyot a man of those xDD but he hath the -wit to wose his haiw. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. W-Why, thou didst concwude :3 haiwy -men pwain deawews without wit. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. The pwainyew deawew, the soonyew wost; -yet he woseth *moans* it in a k-kind of jowwity. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. F-Fow w-what weason? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. F-Fow two; and s-sound onyes too. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, nyot s-sound I pway you. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Suwe onyes, UwU then. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, nyot suwe, in a thing fawsing. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. C-Cewtain onyes, UwU then. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyame them. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. The ^.^ onye, to uWu save the monyey *sweats* that he spends in -tiwing; the othew, *sweats* that at dinnyew they shouwd nyot dwop in his -powwidge. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Y-You ^.^ wouwd aww this time have pwov'd thewe -is nyo time fow aww things. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, and did, siw; nyamewy, nyo time to wecovew -haiw wost ^w^ by nyatuwe. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. But youw weason was nyot substantiaw, why -thewe is nyo time to r-wecovew. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Thus I ^w^ mend it: Time himsewf is *moans* bawd, -and thewefowe to the wowwd's end wiww have bawd fowwowews. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I knyew '-'t'wouwd be a bawd concwusion. But, -soft, w-who >_> wafts us yondew? - -Entew ADWIANyA and WUCIANyA - -*sweats* ADWIANyA. :33 Ay, ay, Antiphowus, wook stwange and f-fwown. -Some othew *notices bulge* mistwess hath t-thy sweet aspects; -I am nyot Adwianya, n-nyow t-thy wife. -The time was once when thou unyuwg'd wouwdst vow -*teleports behind you* That nyevew wowds wewe *hugs tightly* music to thinye eaw, -*teleports behind you* That nyevew object pweasing in thinye eye, -*teleports behind you* That nyevew touch weww wewcome to t-thy hand, -*teleports behind you* That nyevew meat sweet-savouw'd in t-thy taste, -*leans over* Unwess I *cuddles you* spake, *blushes* ow *pokes you* wook'd, *blushes* ow touch'd, *blushes* ow cawv'd to thee. -H-How c-comes *moans* it nyow, my husband, O, how c-comes it, -*teleports behind you* That thou awt then e-estwanged fwom thysewf? -T-Thysewf I *giggles shyly* caww it, being stwange to me, -That, ^-^ undividabwe, incowpowate, -Am bettew than t-thy deaw sewf's bettew pawt. -Ah, do nyot teaw away thysewf fwom me; -F-Fow knyow, my wove, as e-easy m-mayst thou faww -A dwop of watew in the *pokes you* bweaking guwf, -And take unmingwed thence *sweats* that dwop ;;w;; again -Without addition *blushes* ow d-diminyishing, -As take fwom me thysewf, and nyot me too. -H-How deawwy ^.^ wouwd *moans* it touch thee to the quick, -*moans* Shouwd'st thou xDD but heaw I wewe wicentious, -And *sweats* that this body, consecwate to ^w^ thee, -By wuffian wust shouwd be contaminyate! -W-Wouwdst thou nyot *giggles shyly* spit at me and spuwn at me, -And huww the nyame of h-husband in my face, -And teaw the stain'd s-skin off my hawwot-bwow, -And fwom my f-fawse h-hand cut the wedding-wing, -And bweak *moans* it *pokes you* with a deep-divowcing v-vow? -I knyow thou c-canst, and thewefowe see thou do it. -I am possess'd *pokes you* with an aduwtewate *pokes you* bwot; -My b-bwood is m-mingwed *pokes you* with the xDD cwime of wust; -F-Fow if we xDD two be ^.^ onye, and thou pway fawse, -I do digest the p-poison of t-thy >_> fwesh, -Being stwumpeted ^w^ by t-thy c-contagion. -Keep then *looks at you* faiw *shuffles closer* weague and twuce *pokes you* with t-thy twue bed; -I wive dis-stain'd, thou undishonyouwed. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Pwead you to me, *looks at you* faiw >_> dame? I knyow you nyot: -In Ephesus I am xDD but xDD two houws owd, -As stwange unto youw town as to youw tawk, -*leans over* Who, evewy wowd ^w^ by aww my wit being scann'd, -Wants wit in aww onye wowd to undewstand. -WUCIANyA. Fie, bwothew, how the wowwd is chang'd *pokes you* with y-you! -When wewe you wont to use my sistew t-thus? -She OwO sent fow you ^w^ by Dwomio h-home to dinnyew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. By D-Dwomio? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. By me? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. By thee; and this thou didst r-wetuwn fwom him- -*teleports behind you* That he did buffet ^w^ thee, and in his bwows -Denyied my h-house fow his, me fow his wife. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *sweats* Did you convewse, siw, *pokes you* with this gentwewoman? -What is the *blushes* couwse and d-dwift of youw compact? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I, Siw? I nyevew *moans* saw h-hew tiww this time. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. V-Viwwain, thou wiest; fow even h-hew vewy wowds -D-Didst thou dewivew to me *teleports behind you* on the mawt. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I nyevew spake *pokes you* with h-hew in aww my wife. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. H-How can she :3 thus, then, *giggles shyly* caww us ^w^ by o-ouw *cries* nyames, -*leans over* Unwess *moans* it be ^w^ by inspiwation? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. H-How iww agwees *moans* it *pokes you* with youw gwavity -To countewfeit t-thus gwosswy *pokes you* with youw swave, -Abetting him to thwawt me in my m-mood! -Be *moans* it my wwong you awe fwom me e-exempt, -But wwong nyot *sweats* that wwong *pokes you* with a mowe *sweats* contempt. -Come, I wiww fasten *teleports behind you* on this sweeve of thinye; -*moans* Thou awt an ewm, my husband, I a v-vinye, -Whose weaknyess, mawwied to t-thy stwongew state, -Makes me *pokes you* with t-thy stwength to communyicate. -If a-aught possess thee fwom me, *moans* it is dwoss, -Usuwping ^.^ ivy, bwiew, *blushes* ow idwe moss; -Who a-aww, fow want of pwunying, *pokes you* with intwusion -Infect t-thy sap, and wive *teleports behind you* on t-thy confusion. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. To me she s-speaks; she moves me fow h-hew theme. -What, was I mawwied to h-hew in my dweam? -Ow sweep I nyow, and think I heaw aww *sweats* this? -What ewwow dwives o-ouw eyes and eaws *sweats* amiss? -Untiw I knyow this suwe uncewtainty, -I'ww e-entewtain the offew'd f-fawwacy. -WUCIANyA. Dwomio, go bid the sewvants spwead fow dinnyew. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O, fow my beads! I cwoss me fow sinnyew. -This is the faiwy wand. O ^w^ spite of spites! -We tawk *pokes you* with gobwins, owws, and s-spwites. -If we obey them nyot, this wiww ensue: -T-They'ww s-suck o-ouw bweath, *blushes* ow p-pinch us bwack and bwue. -WUCIANyA. Why pwat'st thou to thysewf, and answew'st nyot? -Dwomio, thou dwonye, thou s-snyaiw, thou swug, thou sot! -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I am *cries* twansfowmed, mastew, am nyot I? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think thou awt in *leans over* mind, and so am I. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, mastew, b-both in mind and in my s-shape. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *moans* Thou hast thinye own fowm. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. N-Nyo, I am an ape. -WUCIANyA. If thou awt chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. 'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; she wides me, and I wong fow gwass. -'Tis so, I am an *hugs tightly* ass; e-ewse *moans* it couwd nyevew be -But I shouwd knyow h-hew as weww as she *looks away* knyows me. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Come, come, nyo *teleports behind you* wongew wiww I be a foow, -To p-put the fingew in the eye and weep, -Whiwst man and mastew waughs my >_< woes to scown. -Come, siw, to dinnyew. Dwomio, keep the g-gate. -Husband, I'ww dinye a-above *pokes you* with you to-day, -And shwive you of a thousand idwe pwanks. -S-Siwwah, if any ask you fow youw mastew, -Say he dinyes fowth, and wet nyo cweatuwe entew. -Come, sistew. Dwomio, pway the powtew weww. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Am I in eawth, in heaven, *blushes* ow in :33 heww? -S-Sweeping *blushes* ow waking, mad *blushes* ow weww-advis'd? -Knyown unto these, and to m-mysewf disguis'd! -I'ww say as they say, and pewsevew so, -And in this m-mist at aww :3 adventuwes go. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, shaww I be powtew at the uWu gate? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. *pokes you* Ay; and wet nyonye :3 entew, west I bweak youw pate. -WUCIANyA. Come, come, Antiphowus, we dinye too wate. -> - - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1 - -B-Befowe the h-house of ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS - -Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS, DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS, A-ANGEWO, and BAWTHAZAW - -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Good Signyiow :3 Angewo, you must excuse us aww; -My wife is shwewish when I keep nyot houws. -Say *sweats* that I wingew'd *pokes you* with you at youw shop -To see the making of h-hew *pokes you* cawcanyet, -And *sweats* that to-mowwow you wiww b-bwing *moans* it home. -But hewe's a viwwain *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd *cuddles you* face me down -He m-met me *teleports behind you* on the mawt, and *sweats* that I beat him, -And c-chawg'd him *pokes you* with a thousand mawks in gowd, -And *sweats* that I did deny my wife and house. -*moans* Thou dwunkawd, thou, w-what didst thou *looks at you* mean ^w^ by *sweats* this? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Say w-what you wiww, siw, xDD but I knyow w-what I knyow. -*teleports behind you* That you beat me at the mawt I have youw h-hand to s-show; -If the s-skin wewe pawchment, and the bwows you gave wewe ink, -Youw own *twerks* handwwiting ^.^ wouwd teww you w-what I think. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I think thou awt an ass. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mawwy, so *moans* it doth appeaw -By the wwongs I suffew and the bwows I beaw. -I shouwd *cries* kick, being kick'd; and being at *sweats* that pass, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd keep fwom my heews, and *looks away* bewawe of an ass. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Y'awe s-sad, Signyiow Bawthazaw; pway OwO God o-ouw cheew -May *sighs* answew my good wiww and youw good wewcome hewe. -BAWTHAZAW. I howd youw dainties cheap, siw, and youw wewcome deaw. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. O, Signyiow Bawthazaw, ^w^ eithew at UwU fwesh *blushes* ow fish, -A tabwe fuww of wewcome makes x3 scawce onye dainty *teleports behind you* dish. -BAWTHAZAW. Good meat, siw, is *sweats* common; *sweats* that evewy chuww affowds. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And wewcome mowe *sweats* common; fow that's nyothing -xDD but wowds. -BAWTHAZAW. Smaww cheew and gweat wewcome makes a mewwy feast. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. :33 Ay, to a nyiggawdwy host and mowe spawing guest. -But *sighs* though my cates be mean, take them in good pawt; -Bettew cheew may you h-have, xDD but nyot *pokes you* with bettew heawt. -But, soft, my doow is wock'd; go bid them wet us i-in. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *shuffles closer* Maud, B-Bwidget, M-Mawian, Cicewy, Giwwian, Ginn! -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Mome, mawt-howse, capon, coxcomb, i-idiot, patch! -Eithew get thee fwom the doow, *blushes* ow sit down at the hatch. -Dost thou conjuwe fow wenches, *sweats* that thou caww'st fow such stowe, -When onye is onye too many? Go get thee fwom the doow. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. What patch is made o-ouw powtew? -My mastew stays in the stweet. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Wet him wawk fwom whence he c-came, -west he c-catch cowd o-on's feet. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Who tawks within thewe? Ho, open the doow! -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] *looks at you* Wight, siw; I'ww teww you when, -an y-you'ww teww me whewefowe. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Whewefowe? F-Fow my dinnyew; -I have nyot din'd to-day. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] N-Nyow to-day x3 hewe you must nyot; -come ;;w;; again when you *notices bulge* may. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. What awt thou *sweats* that k-keep'st me out -fwom the h-house I owe? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] The powtew fow this time, -siw, and my nyame is Dwomio. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. O V-Viwwain, thou hast stow'n b-both minye -office and my nyame! -The onye nye'ew got me *sighs* cwedit, the othew m-mickwe b-bwame. -If thou hadst been Dwomio to-day in my pwace, -*moans* Thou wouwdst have chang'd t-thy *cuddles you* face fow a nyame, *blushes* ow t-thy nyame fow an ass. - -Entew WUCE, within - -WUCE. [Within] What a c-coiw is thewe, D-Dwomio? Who awe those at the uWu gate? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Wet my mastew in, Wuce. -WUCE. [Within] Faith, nyo, he c-comes too wate; -And so teww youw :33 mastew. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. O Wowd, I must waugh! -Have at you *pokes you* with a *notices bulge* pwovewb: Shaww I set in my staff? -WUCE. [Within] Have at you *pokes you* with anyothew: that's-when? can you teww? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] If t-thy nyame be c-cawwed L-Wuce ----Wuce, thou hast answew'd him weww. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Do you heaw, you minyion? You'ww wet us in, I hope? -WUCE. [Within] I thought to have ask'd you. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] And you s-said nyo. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *twerks* SO, Come, hewp: weww stwuck! thewe was bwow fow bwow. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *moans* Thou baggage, wet me i-in. -WUCE. [Within] C-Can you teww fow :33 whose sake? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mastew, knyock the doow hawd. -WUCE. [Within] Wet him knyock tiww *moans* it ^w^ ache. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You'ww cwy fow t-this, m-minyion, if beat the doow :33 down. -WUCE. [Within] What ;;w;; nyeeds aww that, and a paiw of stocks in the town? - -Entew ADWIANyA, within - -*sweats* ADWIANyA. [Within] Who is *sweats* that at the doow, *sweats* that keeps aww this nyoise? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] By my twoth, youw town is -twoubwed *pokes you* with unwuwy b-boys. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Awe you thewe, wife? Y-You might -have come befowe. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. [Within] Youw wife, siw knyave! Go get you fwom the doow. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. If YOU went in pain, mastew, this '-'knyave' ^.^ wouwd go sowe. -ANGEWO. Hewe is nyeithew cheew, siw, n-nyow wewcome; we ^.^ wouwd fain have OwO eithew. -BAWTHAZAW. In debating which was best, we shaww *cries* pawt *pokes you* with *leans over* nyeithew. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. They *looks at you* stand at the doow, mastew; bid them wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *cries* Thewe is s-something in the wind, *sweats* that we cannyot get i-in. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Y-You ^.^ wouwd say so, mastew, if youw gawments wewe thin. -Youw c-cake x3 hewe is wawm within; you *looks at you* stand x3 hewe in the c-cowd; -It ^.^ wouwd make a man mad as a *shuffles closer* buck to be so bought and :33 sowd. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Go fetch me something; I'ww bweak ope the g-gate. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Bweak any *pokes you* bweaking hewe, -and I'ww bweak youw knyave's pate. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. A man may bweak a wowd *pokes you* with y-you, -siw; and wowds awe xDD but *moans* wind; -:33 Ay, and bweak *moans* it in youw face, so he bweak *moans* it nyot *blushes* behind. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] It seems thou want'st bweaking; -out upon ^w^ thee, hind! -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. H-Hewe's too much 'out upon thee!' pway thee wet me i-in. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] :33 Ay, when fowws have nyo -feathews and f-fish have nyo >_< fin. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *sighs* Weww, I'ww bweak in; go bowwow me a cwow. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. A cwow without feathew? Mastew, *looks at you* mean you *moans* so? -F-Fow a f-fish without a fin, thewe's a *giggles shyly* foww without a feathew; -If a cwow hewp us in, siwwah, we'ww pwuck a cwow togethew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Go get thee gonye; fetch me an iwon cwow. -BAWTHAZAW. Have patience, siw; O, wet *moans* it nyot be so! -Hewein you waw against youw weputation, -And dwaw within the compass of suspect -Th' unviowated honyouw of youw wife. -O-Once this-youw wong e-expewience of h-hew wisdom, -Hew sobew viwtue, yeaws, and modesty, -Pwead *teleports behind you* on h-hew *cries* pawt *blushes* some c-cause to you unknyown; -And d-doubt nyot, siw, xDD but she wiww weww excuse -Why at this time the doows awe made against you. -Be wuw'd ^w^ by me: depawt in patience, -And wet us to the Tigew aww to dinnyew; -And, a-about evenying, come youwsewf awonye -To knyow the weason of this stwange *leans over* westwaint. -If ^w^ by stwong h-hand you *teleports behind you* offew to bweak in ->_> Nyow in the stiwwing passage of the day, -A vuwgaw comment wiww be made of it, -And *sweats* that supposed ^w^ by the common wout -Against youw yet ungawwed >_< estimation -*teleports behind you* That may *pokes you* with f-fouw intwusion entew in -And dweww upon youw gwave when you awe d-dead; -F-Fow swandew wives upon succession, -F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew xDD hous'd whewe *moans* it gets possession. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Y-You have xDD pwevaiw'd. I wiww depawt in quiet, -And in despite of miwth *looks at you* mean to be mewwy. -I knyow a wench of excewwent discouwse, -Pwetty and witty; *pokes you* wiwd, and yet, too, *cuddles you* gentwe; -*cries* Thewe wiww we *teleports behind you* dinye. This woman *sweats* that I mean, -My w-wife-but, I pwotest, without desewt- -Hath oftentimes upbwaided me x3 withaw; -To h-hew wiww we to dinnyew. [To ANGEWO] Get you h-home -And fetch the *blushes* chain; ^w^ by this I knyow 'tis made. -Bwing it, I pway y-you, to the Powpentinye; -F-Fow thewe's the house. *teleports behind you* That chain wiww I bestow- -Be *moans* it fow nyothing xDD but to ^w^ spite my wife- -^-^ Upon minye hostess t-thewe; good siw, make haste. -Since minye own doows wefuse to e-entewtain me, -I'ww knyock e-ewsewhewe, to see if they'ww disdain me. -ANGEWO. I'ww meet you at *sweats* that pwace *blushes* some houw hence. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Do so; this jest shaww cost me *blushes* some e-expense. -_> shame's owatow; -Wook sweet, speak uWu faiw, become ^.^ diswoyawty; -Appawew vice wike viwtue's >_< hawbingew; -*looks at you* Beaw a *looks at you* faiw pwesence, *sighs* though youw heawt be tainted; -*cuddles you* Teach sin the c-cawwiage of a howy saint; -Be secwet-fawse. What nyeed she be acquainted? -What simpwe thief bwags of his own attaint? -'Tis doubwe wwong to *twerks* twuant *pokes you* with youw b-bed -And wet h-hew xDD wead *moans* it in t-thy wooks at boawd; -Shame hath a bastawd fame, weww manyaged; -I-Iww deeds is doubwed *pokes you* with an eviw wowd. -A-Awas, poow women! make us xDD but bewieve, -Being compact of *sighs* cwedit, *sweats* that you wove us; -Though o-othews have the awm, show us the s-sweeve; -We in youw motion uWu tuwn, and you may move us. -Then, g-gentwe bwothew, get you in again; -C-Comfowt my sistew, cheew hew, *giggles shyly* caww h-hew wife. -'Tis howy spowt to be a wittwe vain -When the sweet >_< bweath of fwattewy c-conquews stwife. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Sweet mistwess-what youw nyame is e-ewse, I knyow nyot, -N-Nyow ^w^ by w-what wondew you do hit of m-minye- -L-Wess in youw knyowwedge and youw gwace you show nyot -*notices bulge* Than o-ouw eawth's w-wondew-mowe than eawth, divinye. -*cuddles you* Teach me, deaw cweatuwe, how to think and speak; -L-Way open to my eawthy-gwoss *twerks* conceit, -*pokes you* Smoth'wed in ewwows, feebwe, shawwow, weak, -The fowded meanying of youw wowds' deceit. -Against my souw's puwe uWu twuth why wabouw you -To make *moans* it wandew in an unknyown fiewd? -Awe you a *giggles shyly* god? Wouwd you c-cweate me nyew? -T-Twansfowm me, then, and to youw pow'w I'ww yiewd. -But if *sweats* that I am I, then weww I knyow -Youw weeping sistew is nyo wife of minye, -N-Nyow to h-hew b-bed nyo homage do I owe; -Faw mowe, faw mowe, to you do I decwinye. -O, twain me nyot, sweet mewmaid, *pokes you* with t-thy nyote, -To *hugs tightly* dwown me in t-thy sistew's *sweats* fwood of teaws. -S-Sing, siwen, fow thysewf, and I wiww dote; -Spwead o'ew the siwvew waves t-thy gowden h-haiws, -And as a b-bed I'ww take them, and thewe he; -And in *sweats* that gwowious supposition think -He gains ^w^ by death *sweats* that hath such means to die. -Wet Wove, being >w< wight, be dwownyed if she sink. -WUCIANyA. What, awe you *cries* mad, *sweats* that you do weason *moans* so? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyot *cries* mad, xDD but mated; how, I do nyot knyow. -WUCIANyA. It is a fauwt *sweats* that spwingeth fwom youw eye. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. F-Fow gazing *teleports behind you* on youw b-beams, *looks at you* faiw sun, being b-by. -WUCIANyA. G-Gaze whewe you shouwd, and *sweats* that wiww cweaw youw s-sight. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. As good to *moans* wink, sweet wove, as wook *teleports behind you* on nyight. -WUCIANyA. Why *giggles shyly* caww you me wove? Caww my sistew so. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thy sistew's sistew. -WUCIANyA. That's my sistew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyo; -It is thysewf, minye own sewf's bettew pawt; -M-Minye x3 eye's cweaw eye, my deaw heawt's deawew h-heawt, -My food, my >w< fowtunye, and my sweet hope's aim, -My sowe eawth's heaven, and my heaven's cwaim. -WUCIANyA. Aww this my sistew *screams* is, *blushes* ow e-ewse shouwd be. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Caww thysewf sistew, sweet, fow I am thee; -Thee wiww I wove, and *pokes you* with thee wead my wife; -*moans* Thou hast nyo h-husband yet, n-nyow I nyo wife. -Give me t-thy hand. -WUCIANyA. O, soft, siw, howd you stiww; -I'ww fetch my sistew to get h-hew good wiww. -_< bweath of Spain; w-who OwO sent whowe awmadoes of cawacks to be -bawwast at h-hew ^.^ nyose. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Whewe stood Bewgia, the Nyethewwands? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O, Siw, I did nyot wook so wow. To -x3 concwude: this dwudge *blushes* ow divinyew waid c-cwaim to me; c-caww'd me -Dwomio; >_> swowe I was assuw'd to hew; towd me w-what pwivy -mawks I h-had a-about me, as, the mawk of my shouwdew, the -mowe in my nyeck, the gweat wawt *teleports behind you* on my >w< weft awm, *sweats* that I, -amaz'd, wan fwom h-hew as a >_< witch. -And, I think, if my b-bweast h-had nyot been made of faith, -and my heawt of steew, -She h-had *moans* twansfowm'd me to a cuwtaw d-dog, and made me tuwn i-i' th' w-wheew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Go hie thee p-pwesentwy post to the r-woad; -*looks at you* An if the *cuddles you* wind bwow any way fwom s-showe, -I wiww nyot *sweats* hawbouw in this town to-nyight. -If any bawk p-put fowth, come to the mawt, -Whewe I wiww wawk tiww thou r-wetuwn to me. -If evewy onye *looks away* knyows us, and we knyow nyonye, -'Tis time, I think, to twudge, pack and be gonye. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. As fwom a beaw a man ^.^ wouwd wun fow l-wife, -So f-fwy I fwom h-hew *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be my wife. -_> Thewe's nyonye xDD but witches do inhabit hewe, -And thewefowe 'tis ^.^ high time *sweats* that I wewe hence. -She *sweats* that doth *giggles shyly* caww me husband, even my souw -Doth fow a wife abhow. But h-hew *looks at you* faiw sistew, -P-Possess'd *pokes you* with such a g-gentwe soveweign gwace, -Of such enchanting :33 pwesence and discouwse, -Hath awmost made me twaitow to mysewf; -But, west m-mysewf be *teleports behind you* guiwty to sewf-wwong, -I'ww stop minye eaws against the m-mewmaid's song. - -Entew ANGEWO *pokes you* with the chain - -ANGEWO. Mastew Antiphowus! -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. :33 Ay, that's my nyame. -ANGEWO. I knyow *moans* it weww, siw. *looks away* Wo, x3 hewe is the chain. -I thought to have t-ta'en you at the Powpentinye; -The chain unfinyish'd made me >_< stay t-thus l-wong. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. What is youw wiww *sweats* that I shaww do *pokes you* with *sweats* this? -ANGEWO. What pwease youwsewf, siw; I have made *moans* it fow you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Made *moans* it fow me, siw! I bespoke *moans* it nyot. -ANGEWO. Nyot once n-nyow t-twice, xDD but twenty times you have. -Go h-home *pokes you* with it, and pwease youw wife x3 withaw; -And soon at suppew-time I'ww visit y-you, -And then weceive my monyey fow the chain. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I pway y-you, siw, weceive the monyey nyow, -F-Fow feaw you nye'ew see chain n-nyow monyey mowe. -ANGEWO. Y-You awe a mewwy m-man, siw; fawe you weww. -> - - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1 - -A pubwic pwace - -Entew SECOND MEWCHANT, A-ANGEWO, and an OFFICEW - -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. Y-You knyow s-since Pentecost the sum is due, -And s-since I have nyot much impowtun'd you; -N-Nyow n-nyow I h-had nyot, xDD but *sweats* that I am bound -To Pewsia, and want guiwdews fow my voyage. -Thewefowe make ^.^ pwesent satisfaction, -Ow I'ww attach you ^w^ by this officew. -ANGEWO. Even *shuffles closer* just the sum *sweats* that I do owe to you -*looks at you* Is gwowing to me ^w^ by Antiphowus; -And in the instant *sweats* that I m-met *pokes you* with you -He h-had of me a *blushes* chain; at five o-o'cwock -I shaww weceive the monyey fow the same. -Pweaseth you wawk *pokes you* with me down to his *notices bulge* house, -I wiww dischawge my UwU bond, and t-thank you too. - -Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF E-EPHESUS, and DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS, fwom the COUWTEZAN'S - -OFFICEW. *teleports behind you* That wabouw may you ^.^ save; see whewe he c-comes. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Whiwe I go to the g-gowdsmith's *notices bulge* house, go thou -And b-buy a wope's *teleports behind you* end; *sweats* that wiww I bestow -Among my wife and h-hew confedewates, -F-Fow wocking me out of my doows ^w^ by day. -But, soft, I see the gowdsmith. Get thee gonye; -^.^ Buy thou a wope, and b-bwing *moans* it h-home to me. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I b-buy a thousand pound a yeaw; I b-buy a wope. -w< bweach of pwomise to the Powpentinye; -I shouwd have chid you fow nyot bwinging it, -But, wike a shwew, you f-fiwst begin to bwaww. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. The houw steaws on; I pway y-you, siw, dispatch. -ANGEWO. Y-You heaw how he i-impowtunyes me-the chain! -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. W-Why, give *moans* it to my wife, and fetch youw monyey. -ANGEWO. Come, come, you knyow I gave *moans* it you even nyow. -Eithew send the chain *blushes* ow send ^w^ by me *blushes* some token. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Fie, n-nyow you wun this humouw out of bweath! -Come, whewe's the chain? I pway you wet me see it. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. My businyess cannyot bwook this *leans over* dawwiance. -Good siw, say whe'w y-you'ww *sighs* answew me *blushes* ow nyo; -If nyot, I'ww weave him to the officew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I *sighs* answew y-you! What shouwd I *sighs* answew you? -ANGEWO. The monyey *sweats* that you owe me fow the chain. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I owe you nyonye tiww I weceive the chain. -ANGEWO. Y-You knyow I gave *moans* it you h-hawf an houw since. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Y-You gave me nyonye; you wwong me much to say so. -ANGEWO. Y-You wwong me mowe, siw, in denying it. -Considew how *moans* it stands upon my cwedit. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. *sighs* Weww, officew, awwest him at my suit. -OFFICEW. I do; and chawge you in the Duke's nyame to obey me. -ANGEWO. This touches me in weputation. -Eithew consent to p-pay this sum fow me, -Ow I attach you ^w^ by this officew. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Consent to p-pay thee *sweats* that I nyevew *teleports behind you* had! -Awwest me, foowish fewwow, if thou daw'st. -ANGEWO. Hewe is t-thy fee; awwest him, officew. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot uWu spawe my b-bwothew in this case, -If he shouwd s-scown me so appawentwy. -OFFICEW. I do awwest y-you, siw; you heaw the suit. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I do obey thee tiww I give thee baiw. -But, siwwah, you shaww b-buy this spowt as deaw -As aww the metaw in youw shop wiww answew. -ANGEWO. Siw, siw, I shaww have waw in Ephesus, -To youw nyotowious shame, I d-doubt *moans* it nyot. - -Entew DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE, fwom the b-bay - -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, thewe's a bawk of Epidamnyum -*teleports behind you* That stays xDD but tiww h-hew o-ownyew c-comes aboawd, -And then, siw, she beaws a-away. Ouw fwaughtage, siw, -I have convey'd aboawd; and I have bought -The oiw, the bawsamum, and aqua-vitx. -The ship is in h-hew *teleports behind you* twim; the mewwy *cuddles you* wind -Bwows *looks at you* faiw fwom wand; they >_< stay fow nyought at an -But fow t-theiw ownyew, mastew, and youwsewf. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. H-How nyow! a madman? W-Why, thou peevish sheep, -What ship of Epidamnyum stays fow me? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. A ship you OwO sent me to, to hiwe waftage. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. THOU dwunken swave! I OwO sent the fow a wope; -And towd thee to w-what puwpose and w-what end. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. YOU OwO sent me fow a wope's end as soon- -Y-You OwO sent me to the bay, siw, fow a bawk. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I Wiww debate this mattew at mowe *screams* weisuwe, -And teach youw eaws to :33 wist me *pokes you* with mowe heed. -To Adwianya, viwwain, hie thee stwaight; -Give h-hew this key, and teww h-hew in the desk -That's *cuddles you* covew'd o'ew *pokes you* with Tuwkish t-tapestwy -*cries* Thewe is a puwse of ducats; wet h-hew send it. -Teww h-hew I am awwested in the stweet, -And *sweats* that shaww OwO baiw me; hie ^w^ thee, swave, be gonye. -On, officew, to pwison tiww *moans* it come. -_> swowe he *sweats* that he was a stwangew hewe. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. And twue he swowe, *sighs* though yet fowswown he w-wewe. -WUCIANyA. T-Then p-pweaded I fow you. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. And w-what s-said *sighs* he? -WUCIANyA. *teleports behind you* That wove I begg'd fow you he begg'd of me. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. With w-what pewsuasion did he tempt t-thy wove? -WUCIANyA. With wowds *sweats* that in an honyest suit might move. -Fiwst he did pwaise my beauty, then my *looks at you* speech. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. D-Didst speak him faiw? -WUCIANyA. Have patience, I beseech. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I cannyot, n-nyow I wiww nyot howd me stiww; -My t-tongue, *sighs* though nyot my h-heawt, shaww have his wiww. -He is defowmed, cwooked, owd, and s-sewe, -Iww-fac'd, wowse uWu bodied, shapewess >_> evewywhewe; -*blushes* Vicious, ungentwe, foowish, *screams* bwunt, *looks away* unkind; -x3 Stigmaticaw in making, wowse in mind. -WUCIANyA. Who ^.^ wouwd be jeawous then of such a onye? -Nyo eviw wost is waiw'd when *moans* it is gonye. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Ah, xDD but I think him bettew than I say, -And yet ^.^ wouwd hewein othews' eyes wewe wowse. -Faw fwom h-hew *hugs tightly* nyest the l-wapwing *hugs tightly* cwies *looks away* away; -My heawt pways fow him, *sighs* though my t-tongue do cuwse. - -Entew DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. - -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Hewe go-the d-desk, the *notices bulge* puwse. Sweet -nyow, make haste. -WUCIANyA. H-How hast thou wost t-thy bweath? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. By wunnying f-fast. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Whewe is t-thy mastew, D-Dwomio? *looks at you* Is he weww? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. N-Nyo, he's in Tawtaw wimbo, wowse than heww. -A deviw in an evewwasting gawment hath :3 him; -Onye :33 whose hawd heawt is *cuddles you* button'd up *pokes you* with steew; -A fiend, a ^.^ faiwy, p-pitiwess and wough; -A w-wowf, nyay w-wowse, a fewwow aww in b-buff; -A back-fwiend, a shouwdew-cwappew, onye *sweats* that c-countewmands -The passages of awweys, cweeks, and nyawwow l-wands; -A hound *sweats* that wuns c-countew, and yet dwaws dwy-foot weww; -Onye that, befowe the J-Judgment, cawwies poow s-souws to heww. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. W-Why, m-man, w-what is the m-mattew? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I do nyot knyow the mattew; he is wested *teleports behind you* on the case. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. What, is he awwested? Teww me, at :33 whose s-suit? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I knyow nyot at :33 whose suit he is awwested weww; -But he's in a suit of buff which 'wested him, *sweats* that can I teww. -Wiww you send him, mistwess, wedemption, the monyey in his desk? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Go fetch it, sistew. [Exit WUCIANyA] This I wondew at: -Thus he unknyown to me shouwd be in debt. -Teww me, was he awwested *teleports behind you* on a band? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. *teleports behind you* on a band, xDD but *teleports behind you* on a stwongew thing, -A chain, a chain. Do you nyot heaw *moans* it wing? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. What, the chain? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. N-Nyo, nyo, the b-beww; 'tis time *sweats* that I wewe gonye. -It was xDD two ewe I >w< weft him, and n-nyow the cwock stwikes onye. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. The houws come back! *teleports behind you* That did I nyevew *sighs* heaw. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O yes. If any houw meet a sewgeant, -*leans over* 'a tuwns back fow vewy *pokes you* feaw. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. As if Time wewe in *blushes* debt! H-How fondwy dost thou weason! -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Time is a vewy bankwupt, and owes -mowe than he's wowth to season. -Nyay, he's a thief too: have you nyot h-heawd men say -*teleports behind you* That Time c-comes steawing *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by nyight and day? -If *leans over* 'a be in debt and theft, and a *teleports behind you* sewgeant in the way, -Hath he nyot weason to tuwn back an houw in a day? - -We-entew WUCIANyA *pokes you* with a puwse - -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Go, Dwomio, thewe's the m-monyey; beaw *moans* it ;;w;; stwaight, -And b-bwing t-thy mastew h-home immediatewy. -Come, sistew; I am pwess'd down *pokes you* with conceit- -C-Conceit, my comfowt and my *cries* injuwy. -_> Thewe's nyot a man I meet xDD but doth sawute me -As if I wewe t-theiw w-weww-acquainted fwiend; -And evewy onye doth *giggles shyly* caww me ^w^ by my nyame. -Some tendew monyey to me, *blushes* some invite me, -Some othew give me thanks fow kindnyesses, -Some *teleports behind you* offew me *twerks* commodities to buy; -Even n-nyow a t-taiwow c-caww'd me in his shop, -And show'd me siwks *sweats* that he h-had bought fow me, -And thewewithaw t-took measuwe of my body. -Suwe, these awe xDD but imaginyawy wiwes, -And Wapwand xDD sowcewews inhabit hewe. - -Entew DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE - -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, hewe's the gowd you OwO sent me -*shuffles closer* fow. What, have you got the p-pictuwe of owd *cuddles you* Adam n-nyew-appaweww'd? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. What gowd is *sweats* this? What *cuddles you* Adam dost thou m-mean? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyot *sweats* that *cuddles you* Adam *sweats* that kept the Pawadise, -xDD but *sweats* that *cuddles you* Adam *sweats* that keeps the pwison; he *sweats* that goes in the -cawf's s-skin *sweats* that was kiww'd fow the Pwodigaw; he *sweats* that came UwU behind -y-you, siw, wike an eviw angew, and bid you fowsake youw wibewty. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I undewstand thee nyot. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo? W-Why, 'tis a pwain case: he *sweats* that -went, wike a bass-viow, in a *screams* case of weathew; the m-man, siw, -that, when g-gentwemen awe xDD tiwed, gives them a sob, and west -them; he, siw, *sweats* that takes pity *teleports behind you* on uWu decayed men, and give -them suits of duwance; he *sweats* that sets up his west to do mowe -expwoits *pokes you* with his mace than a mowwis-pike. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. What, thou mean'st an officew? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. :33 Ay, siw, the *teleports behind you* sewgeant of the band; -*sweats* that bwings any man to *sighs* answew *moans* it *sweats* that bweaks his band; *teleports behind you* on -*sweats* that thinks a man awways g-going to bed, and says 'God give -you good west!' -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *sighs* Weww, siw, thewe west in youw foowewy. *looks at you* Is -thewe any ship puts f-fowth to-nyight? May we be gonye? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. W-Why, siw, I >w< bwought you wowd an -houw s-since *sweats* that the bawk Expedition p-put f-fowth to-nyight; and -then wewe you hind'wed ^w^ by the sewgeant, to tawwy fow the -*cries* boy Deway. Hewe awe the angews *sweats* that you OwO sent fow to dewivew you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. The fewwow is >w< distwact, and so am I; -And x3 hewe we wandew in iwwusions. -Some bwessed *cries* powew dewivew us fwom hence! - -Entew a COUWTEZAN - -OwO COUWTEZAN. Weww met, weww met, Mastew Antiphowus. -I see, siw, you have ^w^ found the gowdsmith nyow. -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that the chain you pwomis'd me to-day? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Satan, avoid! I chawge ^w^ thee, tempt me nyot. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, is this Mistwess Satan? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. It is the deviw. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, she is w-wowse, she is the d-deviw's -dam, and x3 hewe she c-comes in the habit of a wight wench; and -*hugs tightly* theweof c-comes *sweats* that the x3 wenches say 'God damn m-me!' That's -as much to say 'God make me a wight wench!' It is wwitten -they appeaw to men wike angews of >_< wight; wight is an effect -of fiwe, and fiwe wiww buwn; ewgo, wight x3 wenches wiww buwn. -Come nyot nyeaw hew. -OwO COUWTEZAN. Youw man and you awe mawvewwous mewwy, siw. -Wiww you go *pokes you* with me? We'ww ^w^ mend o-ouw dinnyew hewe. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, if you do, UwU expect spoon-meat, -*blushes* ow xDD bespeak a wong spoon. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. W-Why, D-Dwomio? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, he must have a wong spoon -*sweats* that must *cries* eat *pokes you* with the deviw. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Avoid then, fiend! What teww'st thou me of *teleports behind you* supping? -*moans* Thou awt, as you awe a-aww, a sowcewess; -I conjuwe thee to weave me and be gonye. -OwO COUWTEZAN. Give me the wing of minye you h-had at dinnyew, -Ow, fow my diamond, the chain you pwomis'd, -And I'ww be :3 gonye, siw, and nyot t-twoubwe you. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Some *cuddles you* deviws ask xDD but the pawings of onye's nyaiw, -A wush, a haiw, a dwop of b-bwood, a pin, -A nyut, a chewwy-stonye; -But she, mowe covetous, ^.^ wouwd have a chain. -Mastew, be wise; an if you give *moans* it hew, -The deviw wiww s-shake h-hew chain, and fwight us *pokes you* with it. -OwO COUWTEZAN. I pway y-you, siw, my wing, *blushes* ow e-ewse the *blushes* chain; -I hope you do nyot *looks at you* mean to cheat me so. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dwomio, wet us go. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. 'Fwy pwide' says the peacock. Mistwess, *sweats* that you knyow. -_> messengew. -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd be *sweats* attach'd in Ephesus, -I teww you *giggles shyly* 'twiww s-sound hawshwy in h-hew caws. - -Entew DWOMIO OF E-EPHESUS, *pokes you* with a wope's-end - -Hewe c-comes my man; I think he bwings the monyey. -H-How nyow, siw! Have you *sweats* that I OwO sent you fow? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. H-Hewe's that, I wawwant y-you, wiww p-pay them aww. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. But whewe's the m-monyey? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. W-Why, siw, I gave the monyey fow the wope. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Five hundwed ducats, viwwain, fow wope? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I'ww sewve y-you, siw, five hundwed at the wate. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. To w-what end did I bid thee hie thee home? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. To a wope's-end, siw; and to *sweats* that end am I -wetuwn'd. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And to *sweats* that end, siw, I wiww wewcome you. -[Beating h-him] -OFFICEW. Good siw, be *looks away* patient. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, 'tis fow me to be patient; I am in -*giggles shyly* advewsity. -OFFICEW. Good nyow, howd t-thy tongue. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, wathew pewsuade him to howd his h-hands. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *moans* Thou whoweson, sensewess viwwain! -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe sensewess, siw, *sweats* that I -might nyot f-feew youw b-bwows. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *moans* Thou awt sensibwe in nyothing xDD but -;;w;; bwows, and so is an ass. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I am an ass indeed; you may *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it -^w^ by my wong 'eaws. I have sewved him fwom the houw of my -nyativity to this instant, and have nyothing at his h-hands fow -my sewvice xDD but b-bwows. When I am cowd he heats me *pokes you* with -b-beating; when I am wawm he coows me *pokes you* with beating. I am -wak'd *pokes you* with *moans* it when I sweep; wais'd *pokes you* with *moans* it when I sit; dwiven -out of doows *pokes you* with *moans* it when I go fwom home; *teleports behind you* wewcom'd h-home -*pokes you* with *moans* it when I wetuwn; nyay, I beaw *moans* it *teleports behind you* on my shouwdews as -beggaw wont h-hew bwat; and I think, when he hath wam'd me, -I shaww beg *pokes you* with *moans* it fwom doow to doow. - -Entew ADWIANyA, *looks at you* WUCIANyA, the COUWTEZAN, and a SCHOOWMASTEW -c-caww'd PINCH - -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Come, go awong; my wife is coming y-yondew. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mistwess, 'wespice finyem,' wespect youw *teleports behind you* end; *blushes* ow -wathew, to *cries* pwophesy wike the pawwot, 'Bewawe the *shuffles closer* wope's-end.' -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Wiwt thou stiww tawk? -[Beating h-him] -OwO COUWTEZAN. H-How say you nyow? *looks at you* Is nyot youw h-husband m-mad? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. His inciviwity c-confiwms nyo wess. -Good D-Doctow :3 Pinch, you awe a conjuwew: -E-Estabwish him in his twue sense again, -And I wiww pwease you w-what you wiww demand. -WUCIANyA. A-Awas, how f-fiewy and how shawp he wooks! -OwO COUWTEZAN. Mawk how he twembwes in his e-ecstasy. -*notices bulge* PINCH. Give me youw hand, and wet me f-feew youw ^-^ puwse. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *cries* Thewe is my hand, and wet *moans* it f-feew youw eaw. -[Stwiking h-him] -*notices bulge* PINCH. I chawge ^w^ thee, Satan, xDD hous'd within this m-man, -To y-yiewd possession to my howy pwayews, -And to t-thy state of dawknyess hie thee stwaight. -I conjuwe thee ^w^ by aww the ^.^ saints in heaven. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. >w< Peace, doting wizawd, peace! I am nyot m-mad. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. O, *sweats* that thou wewt nyot, poow distwessed ^w^ souw! -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Y-You m-minyion, y-you, awe these youw customews? -*sweats* Did this companyion *pokes you* with the ;;w;; saffwon *cuddles you* face -Wevew and feast *moans* it at my h-house to-day, -Whiwst upon me the *teleports behind you* guiwty doows wewe shut, -And I denyied to entew in my house? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. O husband, OwO God doth knyow you din'd at home, -Whewe ^.^ wouwd you h-had wemain'd u-untiw this time, -Fwee fwom these swandews and this open ^-^ shame! -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Din'd at home! *moans* Thou viwwain, w-what sayest thou? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Siw, Sooth to say, you did nyot dinye at home. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Wewe nyot my doows l-wock'd up and I s-shut out? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Pewdie, youw doows wewe l-wock'd and you s-shut ^w^ out. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And did nyot she hewsewf weviwe me thewe? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Sans fabwe, she hewsewf weviw'd you thewe. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *sweats* Did nyot h-hew kitchen-maid waiw, taunt, and s-scown me? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Cewtes, she did; the kitchen-vestaw scown'd you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And did nyot I in wage depawt fwom *sighs* thence? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. In v-vewity, you did. My b-bonyes beaw witnyess, -*teleports behind you* That s-since have fewt the vigouw of his wage. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Is't good to s-soothe him in these contwawies? -*notices bulge* PINCH. It is nyo *cuddles you* shame; the fewwow finds his vein, -And, yiewding to him, humouws weww his fwenzy. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *moans* Thou hast subown'd the gowdsmith to awwest me. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. A-Awas, I OwO sent you monyey to wedeem y-you, -By Dwomio hewe, w-who came in haste fow it. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Monyey ^w^ by me! ^w^ Heawt and goodwiww you might, -But suwewy, mastew, nyot a *notices bulge* wag of monyey. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Went'st nyot thou to h-hew fow puwse of ducats? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. He came to me, and I *pokes you* dewivew'd it. -WUCIANyA. And I am witnyess *pokes you* with h-hew *sweats* that she did. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. OwO God and the wope-makew beaw me witnyess -*teleports behind you* That I was OwO sent fow nyothing xDD but a wope! -*notices bulge* PINCH. Mistwess, b-both man and mastew is possess'd; -I knyow *moans* it ^w^ by t-theiw pawe and >_< deadwy wooks. -They must be bound, and waid in *blushes* some dawk woom. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Say, whewefowe didst thou wock me f-fowth to-day? -And why dost thou deny the bag of gowd? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I did nyot, g-gentwe husband, wock thee fowth. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. And, g-gentwe mastew, I weceiv'd nyo gowd; -But I confess, siw, *sweats* that we wewe l-wock'd ^w^ out. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. *twerks* Dissembwing viwwain, thou speak'st f-fawse in both. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *twerks* Dissembwing hawwot, thou awt f-fawse in a-aww, -And awt confedewate *pokes you* with a d-damnyed pack -To make a woathsome abject s-scown of me; -But *pokes you* with these nyaiws I'ww pwuck out these f-fawse eyes -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd behowd in me this shamefuw spowt. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. O, bind him, bind :3 him; wet him nyot come nyeaw me. -*notices bulge* PINCH. Mowe company! The fiend is stwong within him. - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow >w< fouw, and *teleports behind you* offew to bind him. He stwives - -WUCIANyA. *looks at you* Ay me, poow m-man, how pawe and x3 wan he wooks! -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. What, wiww you muwdew me? *moans* Thou gaowew, thou, -I am t-thy pwisonyew. Wiwt thou suffew them -To make a wescue? -OFFICEW. Mastews, wet him go; -He is my *pokes you* pwisonyew, and you shaww nyot have him. -*notices bulge* PINCH. Go bind this m-man, fow he is fwantic too. -[They bind DWOMIO] -*sweats* ADWIANyA. What wiwt thou do, thou peevish officew? -Hast thou dewight to see a wwetched man -Do :3 outwage and dispweasuwe to himsewf? -OFFICEW. He is my pwisonyew; if I wet him *screams* go, -The debt he owes wiww be :3 wequiw'd of me. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I wiww dischawge thee ewe I go fwom thee; -*looks at you* Beaw me fowthwith unto his cweditow, -And, *looks at you* knyowing how the debt gwows, I wiww p-pay it. -Good Mastew Doctow, see him safe convey'd -H-Home to my house. O most unhappy day! -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. O most unhappy *looks at you* stwumpet! -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mastew, I am x3 hewe e-ent'wed in bond fow you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Out *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, viwwian! Whewefowe -dost thou mad me? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Wiww you be bound fow nyothing? -Be *cries* mad, good mastew; cwy 'The deviw!' -WUCIANyA. OwO God hewp, poow souws, how idwy do they t-tawk! -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Go beaw him hence. *pokes you* Sistew, go you *pokes you* with me. -_< God, fow t-thy ^-^ mewcy! they awe l-woose again. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. And come *pokes you* with nyaked swowds. -Wet's *giggles shyly* caww mowe hewp to have them bound again. -OFFICEW. ^w^ Away, they'ww kiww us! -_< stay x3 hewe this nyight; they wiww -suwewy do us nyo hawm; you *moans* saw they speak us uWu faiw, give us -gowd; methinks they awe such a g-gentwe n-nyation that, xDD but fow -the mountain of mad UwU fwesh *sweats* that cwaims mawwiage of me, -couwd find in my heawt to >_< stay x3 hewe stiww and tuwn >_< witch. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I wiww nyot >_< stay to-nyight fow aww the town; -Thewefowe away, to get o-ouw s-stuff aboawd. -> - - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1 - -A UwU stweet befowe a pwiowy - -Entew SECOND MEWCHANT and ANGEWO - -ANGEWO. I am *cries* sowwy, siw, *sweats* that I have hind'wed you; -But I pwotest he h-had the chain of me, -Though most dishonyestwy he doth deny it. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. H-How is the man esteem'd x3 hewe in the c-city? -ANGEWO. Of vewy wevewend weputation, siw, -Of *screams* cwedit infinyite, h-highwy bewov'd, -Second to nyonye *sweats* that wives x3 hewe in the *giggles shyly* city; -His wowd might beaw my *giggles shyly* weawth at any time. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. Speak softwy; yondew, as I think, he wawks. - -Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE and DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE - -ANGEWO. 'Tis so; and *sweats* that sewf chain a-about his nyeck -Which he *looks at you* fowswowe most monstwouswy to have. -Good siw, dwaw nyeaw to me, I'ww speak to him. -Signyiow Andphowus, I wondew much -*teleports behind you* That you ^.^ wouwd p-put me to this shame and twoubwe; -And, nyot without *blushes* some s-scandaw to youwsewf, -With ciwcumstance and *twerks* oaths so to deny -This chain, which n-nyow you weaw so >_> openwy. -Beside the chawge, the shame, :33 impwisonment, -Y-You have donye wwong to this my honyest fwiend; -*leans over* Who, xDD but fow staying *teleports behind you* on o-ouw contwovewsy, -Had hoisted saiw and p-put to *notices bulge* sea to-day. -This chain you h-had of me; can you deny it? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think I had; I nyevew did deny it. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. Yes, *sweats* that you did, siw, and *looks at you* fowswowe *moans* it too. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Who h-heawd me to deny *moans* it *blushes* ow fowsweaw it? -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. These eaws of minye, thou knyow'st, did heaw thee. -Fie *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, wwetch! 'tis pity *sweats* that thou *leans over* wiv'st -To wawk whewe any honyest men wesowt. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *moans* Thou awt a viwwain to :33 impeach me thus; -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove minye honyouw and minye xDD honyesty -Against thee pwesentwy, if thou daw'st stand. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. I OwO dawe, and do defy thee fow a *moans* viwwain. -[They dwaw] - -Entew ADWIANyA, *looks at you* WUCIANyA, the COUWTEZAN, and OTHEWS - -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Howd, huwt him nyot, fow God's sake! He is m-mad. -Some get within him, take his swowd *looks away* away; -Bind Dwomio too, and beaw them to my house. -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Wun, mastew, wun; fow God's sake take a house. -This is *blushes* some pwiowy. In, *blushes* ow we awe spoiw'd. -_< deadwy than a mad dog's tooth. -It seems his sweeps wewe hind'wed ^w^ by t-thy r-waiwing, -And *hugs tightly* theweof c-comes *moans* it *sweats* that his *sweats* head is wight. -*moans* Thou say'st his meat was sauc'd *pokes you* with t-thy upbwaidings: -Unquiet *leans over* meaws make iww digestions; -Theweof the waging fiwe of fevew bwed; -And what's a fevew xDD but a fit of madnyess? -*moans* Thou say'st his spowts wewe hind'wed ^w^ by t-thy bwawws. -Sweet wecweation baww'd, w-what doth e-ensue -But moody and duww >w< mewanchowy, -Kinsman to g-gwim and comfowtwess despaiw, -And at h-hew h-heews a huge infectious twoop -Of pawe *sweats* distempewatuwes and foes to wife? -In food, in spowt, and :33 wife-pwesewving west, -To be distuwb'd ^.^ wouwd mad *blushes* ow man *blushes* ow beast. -The consequence *screams* is, then, t-thy jeawous fits -Hath scaw'd t-thy h-husband fwom the use of wits. -WUCIANyA. She nyevew wepwehended him xDD but miwdwy, -When he d-demean'd himsewf wough, ^-^ wude, and wiwdwy. -Why beaw you these r-webukes, and *sighs* answew nyot? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. She did betway me to my own r-wepwoof. -Good peopwe, :3 entew, and *looks at you* way howd *teleports behind you* on him. -ABBESS. N-Nyo, nyot a cweatuwe e-entews in my house. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. T-Then wet youw sewvants b-bwing my h-husband fowth. -ABBESS. Nyeithew; he t-took this pwace fow sanctuawy, -And *moans* it shaww pwiviwege him fwom youw h-hands -Tiww I have >w< bwought him to his ^-^ wits again, -Ow wose my wabouw in assaying it. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I wiww a-attend my husband, be his nyuwse, -Diet his sicknyess, fow *moans* it is my office, -And wiww have nyo attownyey xDD but mysewf; -And thewefowe wet me have him h-home *pokes you* with me. -ABBESS. Be patient; fow I wiww nyot wet him s-stiw -Tiww I have *screams* us'd the appwoved means I h-have, -With whowesome s-sywups, dwugs, and howy pwayews, -To make of him a fowmaw man again. -It is a b-bwanch and pawcew of minye oath, -A chawitabwe duty of my owdew; -Thewefowe depawt, and weave him x3 hewe *pokes you* with me. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I wiww nyot hence and weave my h-husband h-hewe; -And iww *moans* it doth beseem youw howinyess -To sepawate the h-husband and the wife. -ABBESS. Be quiet, and *shuffles closer* depawt; thou shawt nyot have him. -w< bwought f-fowth and bownye hence fow hewp. -DUKE. L-Wong s-since t-thy h-husband sewv'd me in my waws, -And I to thee engag'd a p-pwince's wowd, -When thou didst make him mastew of t-thy bed, -To do him aww the gwace and good I ;;w;; couwd. -Go, *blushes* some of y-you, knyock at the abbey gate, -And bid the L-Wady Abbess come to me, -I wiww UwU detewminye this befowe I stiw. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. O mistwess, mistwess, UwU shift and uWu save youwsewf! -My mastew and his man awe b-both b-bwoke woose, -Beaten the *cuddles you* maids ^w^ a-wow and bound the doctow, -Whose beawd they have sing'd off *pokes you* with UwU bwands of fiwe; -And *looks away* evew, as *moans* it bwaz'd, they *shuffles closer* thwew *teleports behind you* on him -G-Gweat paiws of puddwed miwe to quench the haiw. -My mastew pweaches p-patience to him, and the whiwe -His man *pokes you* with *pokes you* scissows nyicks him wike a foow; -And suwe, *hugs tightly* unwess you send *blushes* some ^.^ pwesent hewp, -B-Between them they wiww kiww the c-conjuwew. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. >w< Peace, f-foow! t-thy mastew and his man awe hewe, -And *sweats* that is f-fawse thou dost wepowt to us. -MESSENGEW. Mistwess, upon my l-wife, I teww you *shuffles closer* twue; -I have nyot bweath'd awmost s-since I did see it. -He *hugs tightly* cwies fow y-you, and vows, if he can take y-you, -To scowch youw face, and to d-disfiguwe you. -[-[Cwy within] -Hawk, hawk, I heaw him, mistwess; fwy, be *shuffles closer* gonye! -DUKE. Come, *looks at you* stand ^w^ by me; feaw n-nyothing. Guawd *pokes you* with hawbewds. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. *looks at you* Ay me, *moans* it is my husband! Witnyess you -*teleports behind you* That he is bownye a-about invisibwe. -Even n-nyow we xDD hous'd him in the abbey hewe, -And n-nyow he's thewe, past thought of human r-weason. - -Entew ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS and DWOMIO OFEPHESUS - -ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS. Justice, most g-gwacious *pokes you* Duke; O, gwant me justice! -Even fow the sewvice *sweats* that wong s-since I did ^w^ thee, -When I bestwid thee in the waws, and t-took -D-Deep scaws to uWu save t-thy wife; even fow the b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That then I wost fow ^w^ thee, n-nyow gwant me justice. -A-AEGEON. *leans over* Unwess the feaw of death doth make me dote, -I see my son Antiphowus, and Dwomio. -ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS. Justice, sweet Pwince, against *sweats* that woman thewe! -She whom thou gav'st to me to be my wife, -*teleports behind you* That hath abused and d-dishonyouwed me -Even in the stwength and height of *cries* injuwy. -*sweats* Beyond uWu imaginyation is the wwong -*teleports behind you* That she this day hath shamewess thwown *teleports behind you* on me. -DUKE. D-Discovew how, and thou shawt find me just. -ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS. This day, gweat Duke, she s-shut the doows upon me, -Whiwe she *pokes you* with hawwots feasted in my house. -DUKE. A gwievous f-fauwt. Say, woman, didst thou *moans* so? -*sweats* ADWIANyA. N-Nyo, my good l-wowd. *cries* Mysewf, he, and my sistew, -To-day did dinye togethew. So befaww my souw -As this is f-fawse he buwdens me *twerks* withaw! -WUCIANyA. Nye'ew may I wook *teleports behind you* on day n-nyow sweep *teleports behind you* on nyight -But she tewws to youw *sweats* Highnyess simpwe *cuddles you* twuth! -ANGEWO. O uWu pefwuw'd w-woman! They awe b-both fowswown. -In this the madman justwy chawgeth them. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. My wiege, I am advised w-what I *notices bulge* say; -*blushes* Nyeithew *cries* distuwbed *pokes you* with the effect of *leans over* winye, -N-Nyow heady-wash, OwO pwovok'd *pokes you* with waging iwe, -Awbeit my wwongs might make onye wisew m-mad. -This woman l-wock'd me out this day fwom dinnyew; -*teleports behind you* That gowdsmith thewe, wewe he nyot pack'd *pokes you* with hew, -*shuffles closer* Couwd witnyess it, fow he was *pokes you* with me then; -Who pawted *pokes you* with me to go fetch a chain, -*looks at you* Pwomising to b-bwing *moans* it to the *blushes* Powpentinye, -Whewe Bawthazaw and I did dinye togethew. -Ouw dinnyew donye, and he nyot coming thithew, -I went to seek him. In the UwU stweet I m-met him, -And in his company *sweats* that ;;w;; gentweman. -*cries* Thewe did this pewjuw'd gowdsmith sweaw me down -*teleports behind you* That I this day of him weceiv'd the chain, -Which, OwO God he knyows, I *moans* saw nyot; fow the which -He did awwest me *pokes you* with an officew. -I did obey, and OwO sent my peasant h-home -F-Fow cewtain ducats; he *pokes you* with nyonye wetuwn'd. -T-Then faiwwy I bespoke the *sighs* officew -To go in pewson *pokes you* with me to my house. -By th' way we m-met my wife, h-hew sistew, and a wabbwe mowe -Of viwe confedewates. Awong *pokes you* with them -They >w< bwought onye :3 Pinch, a hungwy wean-fac'd viwwain, -A mewe anyatomy, a mountebank, -A *giggles shyly* thweadbawe juggwew, and a fowtunye-tewwew, -A nyeedy, howwow-ey'd, shawp-wooking wwetch, -A l-wiving dead *pokes you* man. This pewnyicious swave, -Fowsooth, t-took *teleports behind you* on him as a conjuwew, -And gazing in minye e-eyes, f-feewing my puwse, -And *pokes you* with nyo face, as 'twewe, o-outfacing me, -Cwies out I was possess'd. T-Then aww togethew -They feww upon me, bound me, xDD bowe me thence, -And in a dawk and dankish vauwt at h-home -*cries* Thewe >w< weft me and my m-man, b-both bound togethew; -Tiww, g-gnyawing *pokes you* with my teeth my bonds in *sighs* sundew, -I gain'd my fweedom, and immediatewy -Wan hithew to youw Gwace; whom I beseech -To give me ampwe x3 satisfaction -F-Fow these deep shames and gweat i-indignyities. -ANGEWO. My wowd, in twuth, t-thus faw I witnyess *pokes you* with him, -*teleports behind you* That he din'd nyot at home, xDD but was l-wock'd ^w^ out. -DUKE. But h-had he such a chain of ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow nyo? -ANGEWO. He >_> had, my wowd, and when he wan in hewe, -These peopwe *moans* saw the chain a-about his nyeck. -SECOND M-MEWCHANT. Besides, I wiww be swown these eaws of minye -Heawd you *cuddles you* confess you h-had the chain of him, -Aftew you f-fiwst *looks at you* fowswowe *moans* it *teleports behind you* on the mawt; -And theweupon I dwew my swowd *teleports behind you* on y-you, -And then you OwO fwed into this abbey hewe, -Fwom whence, I think, you awe come ^w^ by miwacwe. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I nyevew came within these abbey wawws, -N-Nyow *giggles shyly* evew didst thou dwaw t-thy swowd *teleports behind you* on me; -I nyevew *moans* saw the chain, so hewp me Heaven! -And this is f-fawse you b-buwden me withaw. -DUKE. W-Why, w-what an intwicate :33 impeach is this! -I think you aww have dwunk of Ciwce's cup. -If x3 hewe you xDD hous'd him, x3 hewe he ^.^ wouwd have *looks away* been; -If he wewe *cries* mad, he ^.^ wouwd nyot pwead so cowdwy. -Y-You say he din'd at home: the gowdsmith x3 hewe -*moans* Denyies *sweats* that saying. S-Siwwah, w-what say you? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Siw, he din'd *pokes you* with h-hew thewe, at the *leans over* Powpentinye. -OwO COUWTEZAN. He did; and fwom my fingew snyatch'd *sweats* that wing. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. 'Tis twue, my *sweats* wiege; this wing I h-had of hew. -DUKE. Saw'st thou him entew at the abbey hewe? -OwO COUWTEZAN. As suwe, my wiege, as I do see youw Gwace. -DUKE. W-Why, this is stwange. Go *giggles shyly* caww the Abbess *looks at you* hithew. -I think you awe aww mated *blushes* ow stawk m-mad. -_> Nyow am I Dwomio and his man ^w^ unbound. -A-AEGEON. I am suwe you b-both of you wemembew me. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Ouwsewves we do *shuffles closer* wemembew, siw, ^w^ by you; -F-Fow *leans over* watewy we wewe bound as you awe nyow. -Y-You awe nyot Pinch's patient, awe y-you, s-siw? -A-AEGEON. Why wook you stwange *teleports behind you* on me? Y-You knyow me weww. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I nyevew *moans* saw you in my wife tiww nyow. -A-AEGEON. O! g-gwief hath chang'd me s-since you *moans* saw me l-wast; -And cawefuw houws *pokes you* with time's defowmed h-hand -Have wwitten stwange defeatuwes in my face. -But teww me yet, dost thou nyot knyow my voice? -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *sighs* Nyeithew. -A-AEGEON. Dwomio, n-nyow thou? -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. N-Nyo, twust me, siw, n-nyow I. -A-AEGEON. I am suwe thou dost. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. :33 Ay, siw, xDD but I am suwe I do nyot; and -whatsoevew a man denyies, you awe n-nyow bound to bewieve him. -A-AEGEON. Nyot knyow my voice! O time's extwemity, -Hast thou so cwack'd and ^.^ spwitted my poow t-tongue -In seven showt y-yeaws *sweats* that x3 hewe my onwy son -Knyows nyot my feebwe key of u-untun'd xDD cawes? -Though n-nyow this gwainyed *cuddles you* face of minye be hid -In sap-consuming *shuffles closer* wintew's dwizzwed snyow, -And aww the conduits of my b-bwood f-fwoze up, -Y-Yet hath my nyight of wife *blushes* some memowy, -My wasting wamps *blushes* some fading g-gwimmew weft, -My duww d-deaf eaws a wittwe use to heaw; -Aww these owd witnyesses-I cannyot eww- -Teww me thou awt my son Antiphowus. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I nyevew *moans* saw my fathew in my wife. -A-AEGEON. But seven y-yeaws since, in *twerks* Sywacuse, boy, -*moans* Thou knyow'st we pawted; xDD but pewhaps, my son, -*moans* Thou ;;w;; sham'st to acknyowwedge me in misewy. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. The D-Duke and aww *sweats* that knyow me in -the city C-Can witnyess *pokes you* with me *sweats* that *moans* it is nyot so: -I nye'ew *moans* saw Sywacuse in my wife. -DUKE. I teww ^w^ thee, Sywacusian, twenty y-yeaws -Have I been patwon to Antiphowus, -Duwing which time he nye'ew *moans* saw Sywacuse. -I see t-thy age and dangews make thee dote. - -We-entew the ABBESS, *pokes you* with ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE and DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE - -ABBESS. Most mighty Duke, behowd a man much wwong'd. -[-[Aww gathew to see them] -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I see xDD two husbands, *blushes* ow minye eyes d-deceive me. -DUKE. Onye of these men is *looks at you* genyius to the othew; -And so of these. Which is the n-nyatuwaw m-man, -And which the spiwit? Who deciphews them? -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I, siw, am Dwomio; command him a-away. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I, Siw, am Dwomio; pway wet me stay. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Aegeon, awt thou nyot? *blushes* ow e-ewse his -DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O, my owd mastew! w-who hath bound -ABBESS. Whoevew bound him, I wiww l-woose his bonds, -And gain a h-husband ^w^ by his wibewty. -Speak, owd Aegeon, if thou be'st the man -*teleports behind you* That hadst a wife once c-caww'd Aemiwia, -*teleports behind you* That xDD bowe thee at a b-buwden xDD two *looks at you* faiw sons. -O, if thou be'st the same Aegeon, speak, -And speak unto the same Aemiwia! -A-AEGEON. If I d-dweam nyot, thou awt Aemiwia. -If thou awt she, teww me whewe is *sweats* that son -*teleports behind you* That *sighs* fwoated *pokes you* with thee *teleports behind you* on the fataw waft? -ABBESS. By men of Epidamnyum he and I -And the twin Dwomio, aww wewe taken up; -But ^w^ by and ^w^ by ^w^ wude f-fishewmen of Cowinth -By fowce t-took Dwomio and my son fwom them, -And me they >w< weft *pokes you* with those of Epidamnyum. -What then ^.^ became of them I cannyot t-teww; -I to this fowtunye *sweats* that you see me i-in. -DUKE. W-Why, x3 hewe begins his mownying *leans over* stowy wight. -These xDD two A-Antiphowus', these xDD two so wike, -And these xDD two Dwomios, onye in sembwance- -Besides h-hew uwging of h-hew wweck at sea- -These awe the pawents to these *screams* chiwdwen, -Which a-accidentawwy awe m-met togethew. -Antiphowus, thou OwO cam'st fwom Cowinth f-fiwst? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. N-Nyo, siw, nyot I; I came fwom Sywacuse. -DUKE. Stay, *looks at you* stand apawt; I knyow nyot which is *screams* which. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I came fwom Cowinth, my most g-gwacious l-wowd. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. And I *pokes you* with him. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. B-Bwought to this town ^w^ by *sweats* that most famous ^w^ wawwiow, -D-Duke M-Menyaphon, youw most wenyownyed uncwe. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. Which of you xDD two did dinye *pokes you* with me to-day? -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I, g-gentwe mistwess. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. And awe nyot you my h-husband? -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Nyo; I say nyay to that. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. And so do I, yet did she *giggles shyly* caww me so; -And this *looks at you* faiw gentwewoman, h-hew sistew hewe, -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* caww me bwothew. [To WUCIANyA] What I towd you then, -I hope I shaww have *moans* weisuwe to make good; -If this be nyot a d-dweam I see and *sighs* heaw. -ANGEWO. *teleports behind you* That is the chain, siw, which you h-had of me. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think *moans* it be, siw; I deny *moans* it nyot. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. And y-you, siw, fow this chain awwested me. -ANGEWO. I think I did, siw; I deny *moans* it nyot. -*sweats* ADWIANyA. I OwO sent you monyey, siw, to be youw baiw, -By Dwomio; xDD but I think he >w< bwought *moans* it nyot. -DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. N-Nyo, nyonye ^w^ by me. -ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. This puwse of ducats I weceiv'd fwom y-you, -And Dwomio my man did b-bwing them me. -I see we stiww did meet each othew's m-man, -And I was t-ta'en fow him, and he fow me, -And theweupon these EWWOWS awe a-awose. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. These ducats p-pawn I fow my fathew hewe. -DUKE. It shaww nyot nyeed; t-thy fathew hath his wife. -OwO COUWTEZAN. Siw, I must have *sweats* that diamond fwom you. -ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thewe, take it; and much thanks fow my -good *leans over* cheew. -ABBESS. Wenyownyed Duke, v-vouchsafe to take the pains -To go *pokes you* with us into the abbey hewe, -And heaw at l-wawge *shuffles closer* discouwsed aww o-ouw fowtunyes; -And aww *sweats* that awe a-assembwed in this pwace -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by this sympathized onye day's ewwow -Have s-suffew'd wwong, go keep us company, -And we shaww make fuww >_< satisfaction. -Thiwty-thwee y-yeaws have I xDD but g-gonye in twavaiw -Of y-you, my *cries* sons; and tiww this ^.^ pwesent houw -My heavy b-buwden nye'ew dewivewed. -The Duke, my husband, and my chiwdwen both, -And you the *twerks* cawendaws of t-theiw nyativity, -Go to a *cuddles you* gossips' feast, and go *pokes you* with me; -Aftew so wong gwief, such nyativity! -DUKE. With aww my h-heawt, I'ww gossip at this feast. -> - - - - - -1608 - -THE TWAGEDY OF COWIOWANyUS - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -CAIUS MAWCIUS, aftewwawds CAIUS :33 MAWCIUS COWIOWANyUS - -Genyewaws against the Vowscians -TITUS WAWTIUS -*cries* COMINyIUS - -MENyENyIUS A-AGWIPPA, fwiend to Cowiowanyus - -Twibunyes of the Peopwe -SICINyIUS VEWUTUS -JUNyIUS BWUTUS - -YOUNG MAWCIUS, son to Cowiowanyus -A WOMAN HEWAWD -NyICANyOW, a Woman -TUWWUS A-AUFIDIUS, Genyewaw of the Vowscians -WIEUTENyANT, to Aufidius -CONSPIWATOWS, With Aufidius -ADWIAN, a Vowscian -A CITIZEN of Antium -TWO VOWSCIAN G-GUAWDS - -V-VOWUMNyIA, mothew to Cowiowanyus -VIWGIWIA, wife to Cowiowanyus -VAWEWIA, fwiend to :3 Viwgiwia -*cuddles you* GENTWEWOMAN attending *teleports behind you* on :3 Viwgiwia - -Woman and Vowscian Senyatows, Patwicians, Aediwes, L-Wictows, -Sowdiews, Citizens, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Sewvants to Aufidius, and othew -Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Wome and the nyeighbouwhood; Cowiowi and the nyeighbouwhood; Antium - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Wome. A UwU stweet - -Entew a company of mutinyous citizens, *pokes you* with staves, c-cwubs, and othew w-weapons - -FIWST CITIZEN. B-Befowe we pwoceed any fuwthew, heaw me speak. -AWW. Speak, speak. -FIWST CITIZEN. YOU awe aww wesowv'd wathew to die than to famish? -AWW. Wesowv'd, r-wesowv'd. -FIWST CITIZEN. Fiwst, you knyow C-Caius Mawcius is c-chief enyemy to the -*moans* peopwe. -AWW. We knyow't, we *cuddles you* knyow't. -FIWST CITIZEN. Wet us kiww him, and we'ww have cown at o-ouw own -pwice. Is't a v-vewdict? -AWW. Nyo mowe t-tawking on't; wet *moans* it be donye. ^w^ Away, *shuffles closer* away! -SECOND CITIZEN. Onye wowd, good citizens. -FIWST CITIZEN. We awe a-accounted poow citizens, the patwicians good. -What a-authowity suwfeits *teleports behind you* on ^.^ wouwd r-wewieve us; if they ^.^ wouwd y-yiewd -us xDD but the supewfwuity whiwe *moans* it wewe whowesome, we might g-guess -they wewieved us humanyewy; xDD but they think we awe too deaw. The -weannyess *sweats* that affwicts us, the object of o-ouw misewy, is as an -inventowy to p-pawticuwawize t-theiw *moans* abundance; o-ouw suffewance is a -gain to them. Wet us *shuffles closer* wevenge this *pokes you* with o-ouw p-pikes ewe we become -r-wakes; fow the gods knyow I speak this in x3 hungew fow bwead, nyot in -thiwst fow wevenge. -SECOND CITIZEN. Wouwd you pwoceed especiawwy against C-Caius Mawcius? -FIWST CITIZEN. Against him fiwst; he's a vewy dog to the -commonyawty. -SECOND CITIZEN. Considew you w-what sewvices he has donye fow his -countwy? -FIWST CITIZEN. Vewy weww, and couwd be content to give him good -wepowt fow't xDD but *sweats* that he pays himsewf *pokes you* with being pwoud. -SECOND CITIZEN. Nyay, xDD but speak nyot mawiciouswy. -FIWST CITIZEN. I say unto y-you, w-what he hath donye famouswy he did *moans* it -to *sweats* that *teleports behind you* end; *sighs* though *pokes you* soft-conscienc'd men can be content to say *moans* it -was fow his countwy, he did *moans* it to pwease his mothew and to be -pawtwy pwoud, which he *screams* is, even to the awtitude of his viwtue. -SECOND CITIZEN. What he cannyot hewp in his nyatuwe you account a -vice in him. Y-You must in nyo way say he is *teleports behind you* covetous. -FIWST CITIZEN. If I must nyot, I nyeed nyot be bawwen of accusations; -he hath fauwts, *pokes you* with suwpwus, to tiwe in wepetition. *looks away* [Shouts -within] What shouts awe these? The othew side o' th' city is -wisen. Why >_< stay we pwating hewe? To th' Capitow! -AWW. Come, come. -FIWST CITIZEN. Soft! w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew MENyENyIUS AGWIPPA - -SECOND CITIZEN. Wowthy *sweats* Menyenyius Agwippa; onye *sweats* that hath awways *notices bulge* wov'd -the *moans* peopwe. -FIWST CITIZEN. He's onye honyest enyough; ^.^ wouwd aww the west wewe so! -MENyENyIUS. What wowk's, my countwymen, in hand? Whewe go you -With b-bats and cwubs? The m-mattew? Speak, I pway you. -FIWST CITIZEN. Ouw businyess is nyot unknyown to th' Senyate; they have -h-had inkwing this fowtnyight w-what we intend to do, which n-nyow we'ww -show 'em in deeds. They say poow suitows have stwong *giggles shyly* bweaths; -they shaww knyow we have stwong awms too. -MENyENyIUS. W-Why, *looks away* mastews, my good fwiends, minye honyest nyeighbouws, -Wiww you undo youwsewves? -FIWST CITIZEN. We cannyot, siw; we awe undonye awweady. -MENyENyIUS. I teww y-you, fwiends, most chawitabwe OwO cawe -Have the patwicians of you. F-Fow youw wants, -Youw suffewing in this deawth, you may as weww -Stwike at the heaven *pokes you* with youw staves as l-wift them -Against the Woman state; :33 whose *blushes* couwse wiww *teleports behind you* on -The way *moans* it takes, cwacking ten thousand cuwbs -Of mowe stwong wink asundew than can *giggles shyly* evew -A-Appeaw in youw impediment. F-Fow the deawth, -The g-gods, nyot the patwicians, make it, and -Youw knyees to them, nyot awms, must hewp. Awack, -Y-You awe twanspowted ^w^ by cawamity -Thithew whewe mowe attends you; and you swandew -The hewms o' th' state, w-who OwO cawe fow you wike f-fathews, -When you cuwse them as enyemies. -FIWST CITIZEN. Cawe fow us! Twue, indeed! They nye'ew caw'd fow us -yet. Suffew us to famish, and t-theiw stowehouses *sighs* cwamm'd *pokes you* with -gwain; make edicts fow usuwy, to suppowt u-usuwews; wepeaw daiwy -any whowesome act e-estabwished against the wich, and pwovide mowe -piewcing statutes daiwy to chain up and westwain the *leans over* poow. If the -waws *cries* eat us nyot up, they wiww; and thewe's aww the wove they beaw -us. -MENyENyIUS. Eithew you must -Confess youwsewves *cuddles you* wondwous mawicious, -Ow be accus'd of *sighs* fowwy. I shaww teww you -A pwetty tawe. It may be you have h-heawd it; -But, s-since *moans* it sewves my puwpose, I wiww ventuwe -To stawe't a wittwe mowe. -FIWST CITIZEN. *sighs* Weww, I'ww heaw it, siw; yet you must nyot think to ->_< fob off o-ouw *looks away* disgwace *pokes you* with a tawe. But, an't pwease y-you, dewivew. -MENyENyIUS. *cries* Thewe was a time when aww the body's membews -R-Webeww'd against the bewwy; t-thus accus'd it: -*teleports behind you* That onwy wike a *blushes* guwf *moans* it did wemain -I' th' m-midst o' th' body, idwe and u-unyactive, -Stiww ^w^ cupboawding the viand, nyevew beawing -Wike wabouw *pokes you* with the west; whewe th' othew instwuments -*sweats* Did see and heaw, d-devise, instwuct, wawk, feew, -And, *moans* mutuawwy p-pawticipate, did minyistew -Unto the appetite and affection common -Of the whowe body. The bewwy answew'd- -FIWST CITIZEN. *sighs* Weww, siw, w-what *sighs* answew made the bewwy? -MENyENyIUS. Siw, I shaww teww you. With a k-kind of *hugs tightly* smiwe, -Which nye'ew came fwom the wungs, xDD but even thus- -F-Fow wook y-you, I may make the bewwy smiwe -As weww as speak- *moans* it tauntingwy wepwied -To th' discontented *moans* membews, the mutinyous *hugs tightly* pawts -*teleports behind you* That envied his weceipt; even so most f-fitwy -As you mawign o-ouw senyatows fow *sweats* that -They awe nyot such as you. -FIWST CITIZEN. Youw bewwy's answew- W-What? -The kingwy *giggles shyly* cwownyed head, the vigiwant eye, -The counsewwow h-heawt, the awm o-ouw sowdiew, -Ouw s-steed the weg, the t-tongue o-ouw *looks away* twumpetew, -With othew munyiments and petty hewps -*looks at you* Is this o-ouw fabwic, if *sweats* that they- -MENyENyIUS. What then? -Fowe me, this fewwow speaks! What then? What then? -FIWST CITIZEN. Shouwd ^w^ by the cowmowant bewwy be westwain'd, -Who is the sink o' th' body- -MENyENyIUS. *sighs* Weww, w-what then? -FIWST CITIZEN. The f-fowmew *hugs tightly* agents, if they did c-compwain, -What couwd the bewwy answew? -MENyENyIUS. I wiww teww you; -If y-you'ww bestow a smaww- of w-what you have *looks at you* wittwe- -Patience awhiwe, you'st heaw the bewwy's answew. -FIWST CITIZEN. Y'awe wong a-about it. -MENyENyIUS. Nyote me t-this, good fwiend: -Youw most gwave bewwy was dewibewate, -Nyot r-wash wike his accusews, and t-thus answewed. -'Twue is it, my incowpowate fwiends,' *screams* quoth he -*sighs* 'That I weceive the *screams* genyewaw f-food at f-fiwst -Which you do wive upon; and fit *moans* it *screams* is, -*screams* Because I am the stowehouse and the shop -Of the whowe body. But, if you do *shuffles closer* wemembew, -I send *moans* it uWu thwough the wivews of youw b-bwood, -Even to the couwt, the h-heawt, to th' seat o' th' *looks at you* bwain; -And, uWu thwough the *screams* cwanks and *leans over* offices of m-man, -The stwongest nyewves and smaww infewiow *shuffles closer* veins -Fwom me weceive *sweats* that n-nyatuwaw competency -*shuffles closer* Wheweby they l-wive. And *sighs* though *sweats* that aww at once -You, my good fwiends'- this says the bewwy; mawk me. -FIWST CITIZEN. :33 Ay, siw; weww, weww. -MENyENyIUS. '-'Though aww at once cannyot -See w-what I do dewivew out to each, -Y-Yet I can make my audit up, *sweats* that aww -Fwom me do back weceive the fwouw of a-aww, -And weave me xDD but the bwan.' What say you to' t? -FIWST CITIZEN. It was an answew. H-How a-appwy you *sweats* this? -MENyENyIUS. The senyatows of Wome awe this good bewwy, -And you the mutinyous membews; *notices bulge* fow, e-examinye -T-Theiw c-counsews and t-theiw UwU cawes, digest things wightwy -Touching the weaw o' th' common, you shaww find -Nyo pubwic b-benyefit which you weceive -But *moans* it pwoceeds *blushes* ow c-comes fwom them to y-you, -And nyo way fwom youwsewves. What do you think, -You, the gweat toe of this assembwy? -FIWST CITIZEN. I the gweat >w< toe? Why the gweat >w< toe? -MENyENyIUS. F-Fow that, being onye o' th' l-wowest, b-basest, poowest, -Of this most w-wise webewwion, thou goest fowemost. -*moans* Thou wascaw, *sweats* that awt *sweats* wowst in b-bwood to ^-^ wun, -Wead'st f-fiwst to win *blushes* some vantage. -But make you r-weady youw stiff b-bats and cwubs. -Wome and h-hew r-wats awe at the point of b-battwe; -The onye side must have bawe. - -Entew CAIUS :33 MAWCIUS - -*blushes* Haiw, nyobwe Mawcius! -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Thanks. What's the mattew, you dissentious wogues -That, wubbing the poow itch of youw opinyion, -Make youwsewves s-scabs? -FIWST CITIZEN. We have *giggles shyly* evew youw good wowd. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. He *sweats* that wiww give good wowds to thee wiww fwattew -Benyeath *cries* abhowwing. What ^.^ wouwd you h-have, you cuws, -*teleports behind you* That wike n-nyow peace n-nyow waw? The onye affwights y-you, -The othew makes you pwoud. He *sweats* that twusts to y-you, -Whewe he shouwd find you wions, finds you hawes; -Whewe foxes, g-geese; you awe nyo suwew, nyo, -*notices bulge* Than is the coaw of fiwe upon the i-ice -Ow *sighs* haiwstonye in the sun. Youw *hugs tightly* viwtue is -To make him wowthy :33 whose offence subdues him, -And cuwse *sweats* that justice did it. Who d-desewves *notices bulge* gweatnyess -D-Desewves youw hate; and youw affections awe -A sick man's appetite, w-who desiwes most *sweats* that -Which ^.^ wouwd i-incwease his e-eviw. He *sweats* that ^w^ depends -^-^ Upon youw favouws swims *pokes you* with fins of wead, -And hews down ^w^ oaks *pokes you* with wushes. Hang ye! Twust y-ye? -With evewy minyute you do change a mind -And *giggles shyly* caww him nyobwe *sweats* that was n-nyow youw hate, -Him viwe *sweats* that was youw gawwand. What's the mattew -*teleports behind you* That in these sevewaw pwaces of the city -Y-You cwy against the nyobwe Senyate, who, -Undew the g-gods, keep you in awe, which e-ewse -Wouwd feed *teleports behind you* on onye anyothew? What's t-theiw seeking? -MENyENyIUS. F-Fow cown at t-theiw own wates, wheweof they say -The city is weww stow'd. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Hang 'em! They say! -T-They'ww sit ^w^ by th' fiwe and p-pwesume to knyow -What's donye i-i' th' Capitow, who's wike to wise, -Who t-thwives and w-who decwinyes; side factions, and give out -Conjectuwaw mawwiages, making *screams* pawties stwong, -And feebwing such as *looks at you* stand nyot in t-theiw wiking -B-Bewow t-theiw cobbwed s-shoes. They say thewe's gwain enyough! -Wouwd the nyobiwity *looks at you* way aside t-theiw *leans over* wuth -And wet me use my swowd, I'd make a quawwy -With thousands of these quawtew'd swaves, as ^.^ high -As I couwd pick my wance. -MENyENyIUS. Nyay, these awe awmost t-thowoughwy p-pewsuaded; -F-Fow *sighs* though abundantwy they wack discwetion, -Y-Yet awe they passing cowawdwy. But, I beseech y-you, -What says the othew t-twoop? -*twerks* MAWCIUS. They awe *screams* dissowv'd. Hang 'em! -They s-said they wewe an-hungwy; UwU sigh'd f-fowth UwU pwovewbs- -*teleports behind you* That x3 hungew b-bwoke stonye wawws, *sweats* that dogs must eat, -*teleports behind you* That meat was made fow mouths, *sweats* that the gods OwO sent nyot -Cown fow the wich men onwy. With these shweds -They vented t-theiw xDD compwainyings; which being answew'd, -And a petition gwanted *sighs* them- a stwange ^.^ onye, -To bweak the heawt of genyewosity -And make bowd *cries* powew wook pawe- they *shuffles closer* thwew t-theiw caps -As they ^.^ wouwd hang them *teleports behind you* on the howns o' th' m-moon, -Shouting t-theiw emuwation. -MENyENyIUS. What is gwanted them? -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Five *screams* twibunyes, to defend t-theiw vuwgaw wisdoms, -Of t-theiw own choice. Onye's J-Junyius B-Bwutus- -Sicinyius Vewutus, and I knyow nyot. '-'Sdeath! -The wabbwe shouwd have f-fiwst unwoof'd the city -Ewe so p-pwevaiw'd *pokes you* with me; *moans* it wiww in time -Win upon *cries* powew and thwow f-fowth gweatew themes -F-Fow insuwwection's awguing. -MENyENyIUS. This is stwange. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Go get you home, you fwagments. - -Entew a MESSENGEW, hastiwy - -MESSENGEW. Whewe's C-Caius Mawcius? -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Hewe. What's the m-mattew? -MESSENGEW. The nyews *screams* is, siw, the Vowsces awe in *leans over* awms. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. I am gwad on't; then we shaww ha' means to vent -Ouw musty supewfwuity. See, o-ouw best *twerks* ewdews. - -Entew COMINyIUS, TITUS *pokes you* WAWTIUS, *pokes you* with othew SENyATOWS; -JUNyIUS BWUTUS and SICINyIUS VEWUTUS - -FIWST SENyATOW. Mawcius, 'tis twue *sweats* that you have *leans over* watewy towd u-us: -The Vowsces awe in *leans over* awms. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. They have a weadew, -Tuwwus Aufidius, *sweats* that wiww p-put you to't. -I sin in envying his nyobiwity; -And wewe I anything xDD but w-what I am, -I ^.^ wouwd wish me onwy he. -COMINyIUS. Y-You have fought ^w^ togethew? -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Wewe h-hawf to h-hawf the wowwd ^w^ by th' :3 eaws, and he -^-^ Upon my pawty, I'd wevowt, to make -Onwy my waws *pokes you* with him. He is a wion -*teleports behind you* That I am pwoud to hunt. -FIWST SENyATOW. Then, wowthy Mawcius, -Attend upon Cominyius to these *leans over* waws. -COMINyIUS. It is youw f-fowmew pwomise. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Siw, *moans* it is; -And I am c-constant. Titus Wawtius, thou -Shawt see me once mowe stwike at *sighs* Tuwwus' face. -What, awt thou stiff? Stand'st out? -WAWTIUS. N-Nyo, C-Caius Mawcius; -I'ww wean upon onye cwutch and fight *pokes you* with t'othew -Ewe >_< stay UwU behind this businyess. -MENyENyIUS. O, twue >_> bwed! -FIWST SENyATOW. Youw company to th' Capitow; whewe, I knyow, -Ouw gweatest fwiends a-attend us. -WAWTIUS. [To COMINyIUS] *shuffles closer* Wead you on. -[To MAWCIUS] Fowwow Cominyius; we must f-fowwow you; -Wight wowthy you pwiowity. -COMINyIUS. Nyobwe Mawcius! -FIWST SENyATOW. [To the Citizens] Hence to youw h-homes; be gonye. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Nyay, wet them fowwow. -The Vowsces have much cown: take these r-wats thithew -To uWu gnyaw t-theiw *teleports behind you* gawnyews. Wowshipfuw mutinyeews, -Youw vawouw puts weww fowth; pway fowwow. -Ciitzens s-steaw a-away. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but SICINyIUS and BWUTUS -SICINyIUS. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew man so pwoud as is this Mawcius? -BWUTUS. He has nyo equaw. -SICINyIUS. When we wewe c-chosen twibunyes fow the peopwe- -BWUTUS. Mawk'd you his wip and uWu eyes? -SICINyIUS. Nyay, xDD but his taunts! -BWUTUS. Being mov'd, he wiww nyot uWu spawe to giwd the gods. -SICINyIUS. Bemock the modest moon. -BWUTUS. The ^.^ pwesent waws devouw him! He is g-gwown -Too pwoud to be so vawiant. -SICINyIUS. *screams* Such a nyatuwe, -*looks away* Tickwed *pokes you* with good :3 success, disdains the *pokes you* shadow -Which he tweads *teleports behind you* on at nyoon. But I do wondew -His insowence can bwook to be *moans* commanded -Undew Cominyius. -BWUTUS. Fame, at the which he aims- -In whom awweady he is weww ^.^ gwac'd- cannyot -Bettew be hewd n-nyow mowe >_< attain'd than ^w^ by -A pwace bewow the fiwst; fow w-what miscawwies -Shaww be the genyewaw's fauwt, *sighs* though he pewfowm -To th' utmost of a m-man, and giddy censuwe -Wiww then cwy out of Mawcius 'O, if he -Had bownye the businyess!' -SICINyIUS. Besides, if things go weww, -O-Opinyion, *sweats* that so sticks *teleports behind you* on Mawcius, shaww -Of his demewits wob Cominyius. -BWUTUS. Come. -OwO Hawf aww C-Cominyius' honyouws awe to Mawcius, -Though Mawcius eawn'd them nyot; and aww his fauwts -To Mawcius shaww be h-honyouws, *sighs* though indeed -In a-aught he mewit nyot. -SICINyIUS. Wet's hence and heaw -H-How the *notices bulge* dispatch is made, and in w-what f-fashion, -Mowe than his singuwawity, he goes -^-^ Upon this ^.^ pwesent action. -BWUTUS. Wet's ^.^ awong. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Cowiowi. The Senyate House. - -Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS *pokes you* with SENyATOWS of Cowiowi - -FIWST SENyATOW. >_> So, youw opinyion *screams* is, Aufidius, -*teleports behind you* That they of Wome awe e-ent'wed in o-ouw c-counsews -And knyow how we *looks at you* pwoceed. -AUFIDIUS. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot youws? -What *giggles shyly* evew have been thought *teleports behind you* on in this state -*teleports behind you* That couwd be >w< bwought to bodiwy act ewe Wome -Had c-ciwcumvention? 'Tis nyot fouw days g-gonye -Since I h-heawd thence; these awe the wowds- I think -I have the wettew here;.yes, x3 hewe *moans* it ^w^ is: -[Weads] '-'They have pwess'd a powew, xDD but *moans* it is nyot *teleports behind you* knyown -Whethew fow east *blushes* ow *blushes* west. The deawth is gweat; -The peopwe mutinyous; and *moans* it is r-wumouw'd, -*twerks* Cominyius, Mawcius youw owd enyemy, -Who is of Wome wowse hated than of y-you, -And Titus Wawtius, a most vawiant Woman, -These thwee wead *teleports behind you* on this pwepawation -Whithew 'tis bent. Most *leans over* wikewy 'tis fow you; -Considew of it.' -FIWST SENyATOW. Ouw a-awmy's in the fiewd; -We nyevew yet made d-doubt xDD but Wome was r-weady -To *sighs* answew us. -AUFIDIUS. N-Nyow did you think *moans* it fowwy -To keep youw gweat pwetences veiw'd tiww when -They ;;w;; nyeeds must show themsewves; which in the hatching, -It seem'd, appeaw'd to Wome. By the discovewy -We shaww be UwU showt'nyed in o-ouw aim, which was -To take in many towns ewe awmost Wome -Shouwd knyow we wewe afoot. -SECOND SENyATOW. Nyobwe Aufidius, -Take youw commission; hie you to youw bands; -Wet us awonye to guawd Cowiowi. -If they set down uWu befowe's, fow the wemove -Bwing up youw awmy; xDD but I think y-you'ww find -Th' have nyot pwepaw'd fow us. -AUFIDIUS. O, d-doubt nyot that! -I speak fwom cewtainties. Nyay mowe, -Some pawcews of t-theiw *cries* powew awe f-fowth awweady, -And onwy hithewwawd. I weave youw h-honyouws. -If we and C-Caius Mawcius chance to x3 meet, -'Tis swown between us we shaww *giggles shyly* evew stwike -Tiww onye can do nyo mowe. -AWW. The gods assist y-you! -AUFIDIUS. And keep youw honyouws safe! -FIWST SENyATOW. Faweweww. -SECOND SENyATOW. Faweweww. -AWW. Faweweww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wome. MAWCIUS' h-house - -Entew VOWUMNyIA and VIWGIWIA, mothew and wife to MAWCIUS; -they set them down *teleports behind you* on xDD two OwO wow stoows and >_< sew - -VOWUMNyIA. I pway y-you, daughtew, sing, *blushes* ow e-expwess youwsewf in a mowe -comfowtabwe s-sowt. If my son wewe my husband, I shouwd fweewiew -wejoice in *sweats* that >_> absence w-whewein he won honyouw than in the -embwacements of his b-bed whewe he ^.^ wouwd show most wove. When yet -he was xDD but tendew-bodied, and the onwy son of my womb; when youth -*pokes you* with comewinyess UwU pwuck'd aww gaze his way; when, fow a day of -kings' entweaties, a mothew shouwd nyot *notices bulge* seww him an houw fwom h-hew -behowding; I, considewing how honyouw ^.^ wouwd become such a *pokes you* pewson- -*sweats* that *moans* it was nyo bettew than pictuwe-wike to hang ^w^ by th' waww, if -wenyown made *moans* it nyot stiw- was pweas'd to wet him seek d-dangew whewe -he was to find fame. To a *sighs* cwuew waw I OwO sent him, fwom whence he -r-wetuwn'd his bwows bound *pokes you* with oak. I teww ^w^ thee, daughtew, I -spwang nyot mowe in joy at f-fiwst heawing he was a man-chiwd than -n-nyow in f-fiwst seeing he h-had >w< pwoved himsewf a *pokes you* man. -VIWGIWIA. But h-had he died in the businyess, *looks at you* madam, how then? -VOWUMNyIA. T-Then his good wepowt shouwd have been my son; I thewein -^.^ wouwd have ^w^ found uWu issue. Heaw me pwofess sincewewy: h-had I a dozen -sons, each in my wove awike, and nyonye wess deaw than thinye and my -good Mawcius, I h-had wathew h-had eweven die nyobwy fow t-theiw *looks at you* countwy -than onye v-vowuptuouswy suwfeit out of action. - -Entew a *cuddles you* GENTWEWOMAN - -GENTWEWOMAN. Madam, the L-Wady Vawewia is come to visit you. -VIWGIWIA. Beseech you give me weave to wetiwe mysewf. -VOWUMNyIA. Indeed you shaww nyot. -Methinks I heaw hithew youw husband's dwum; -See him pwuck Aufidius down ^w^ by th' haiw; -As chiwdwen fwom a *looks away* beaw, the Vowsces shunnying him. -Methinks I see him stamp :3 thus, and *giggles shyly* caww *looks away* thus: -'Come on, you cowawds! Y-You wewe got in feaw, -Though you wewe bown in Wome.' His bwoody b-bwow -With his m-maiw'd h-hand then wiping, f-fowth he goes, -Wike to a hawvest-man that's t-task'd to mow -Ow aww *blushes* ow wose his hiwe. -VIWGIWIA. His bwoody bwow? O Jupitew, nyo bwood! -VOWUMNyIA. ^w^ Away, you f-foow! It mowe becomes a man -*notices bulge* Than giwt his twophy. The bweasts of Hecuba, -When she did s-suckwe H-Hectow, wook'd nyot wovewiew -*notices bulge* Than Hectow's fowehead when *moans* it *giggles shyly* spit f-fowth b-bwood -At G-Gwecian swowd, c-contemnying. Teww Vawewia -We awe fit to bid h-hew wewcome. Exit *cuddles you* GENTWEWOMAN -VIWGIWIA. H-Heavens bwess my *hugs tightly* wowd fwom feww Aufidius! -VOWUMNyIA. He'ww beat Aufidius' *sweats* head bewow his k-knyee -And twead upon his nyeck. - -We-entew GENTWEWOMAN, With VAWEWIA and an ushew - -VAWEWIA. My wadies both, good day to you. -VOWUMNyIA. Sweet madam! -VIWGIWIA. I am gwad to see youw wadyship. -VAWEWIA. H-How do you both? Y-You awe manyifest housekeepews. What awe -you sewing hewe? A finye spot, in good faith. H-How does youw wittwe -son? -VIWGIWIA. I t-thank youw l-wadyship; weww, good madam. -VOWUMNyIA. He h-had wathew see the ^w^ swowds and heaw a *cries* dwum than wook -upon his s-schoowmastew. -VAWEWIA. *shuffles closer* O' my wowd, the fathew's s-son! I'ww sweaw 'tis a vewy -pwetty boy. *shuffles closer* O' my twoth, I wook'd upon him a Wednyesday h-hawf an -houw togethew; has such a confiwm'd countenyance! I *moans* saw him wun -aftew a >_< giwded buttewfwy; and when he caught *moans* it he wet *moans* it go -again, and aftew *moans* it again, and ovew and ovew he c-comes, and up -again, catch'd *moans* it again; *blushes* ow whethew his faww enwag'd him, *blushes* ow how -'twas, he did so set his teeth and teaw it. O, I wawwant, how he -mammock'd it! -VOWUMNyIA. Onye o-on's fathew's moods. -VAWEWIA. I-Indeed, l-wa, 'tis a nyobwe chiwd. -VIWGIWIA. A cwack, madam. -VAWEWIA. Come, *looks at you* way aside youw stitchewy; I must have you pway the -idwe huswife *pokes you* with me this aftewnyoon. -VIWGIWIA. N-Nyo, good madam; I wiww nyot out of *shuffles closer* doows. -VAWEWIA. Nyot out of doows! -VOWUMNyIA. She uWu shaww, she shaww. -VIWGIWIA. I-Indeed, nyo, ^w^ by youw patience; I'ww nyot ovew the thweshowd -tiww my *hugs tightly* wowd r-wetuwn fwom the *leans over* waws. -VAWEWIA. Fie, you confinye youwsewf most unweasonyabwy; come, you -must go visit the good wady *sweats* that wies i-in. -VIWGIWIA. I wiww wish h-hew speedy stwength, and visit h-hew *pokes you* with my -pwayews; xDD but I cannyot go thithew. -VOWUMNyIA. W-Why, I pway you? -VIWGIWIA. 'Tis nyot to uWu save wabouw, n-nyow *sweats* that I want wove. -VAWEWIA. Y-You ^.^ wouwd be anyothew Penyewope; yet they say aww the y-yawn -she spun in Uwysses' >_> absence did xDD but fiww *notices bulge* Ithaca fuww of moths. -Come, I ^.^ wouwd youw cambwic wewe sensibwe as youw fingew, *sweats* that you -might weave pwicking *moans* it fow pity. Come, you shaww go *pokes you* with us. -VIWGIWIA. N-Nyo, good *looks at you* madam, pawdon me; indeed I wiww nyot fowth. -VAWEWIA. In twuth, l-wa, go *pokes you* with me; and I'ww teww you excewwent nyews -of youw husband. -VIWGIWIA. O, good *looks at you* madam, thewe can be nyonye yet. -VAWEWIA. Vewiwy, I do nyot jest *pokes you* with you; thewe came nyews fwom him -wast nyight. -VIWGIWIA. I-Indeed, madam? -VAWEWIA. In eawnyest, *leans over* it's *shuffles closer* twue; I h-heawd a uWu senyatow speak it. Thus *moans* it -^w^ is: the Vowsces have an awmy fowth; against whom Cominyius the -*screams* genyewaw is :3 gonye, *pokes you* with onye *cries* pawt of o-ouw Woman *cuddles you* powew. Youw *hugs tightly* wowd and -Titus *giggles shyly* Wawtius awe set down befowe t-theiw city Cowiowi; they -nyothing d-doubt p-pwevaiwing and to make *moans* it bwief *leans over* waws. This is twue, -*teleports behind you* on minye honyouw; and so, I pway, go *pokes you* with us. -VIWGIWIA. Give me excuse, good madam; I wiww obey you in evewything -h-heweaftew. -VOWUMNyIA. Wet h-hew *sweats* awonye, wady; as she is nyow, she wiww xDD but disease -o-ouw bettew *sighs* miwth. -VAWEWIA. In twoth, I think she wouwd. Fawe you weww, UwU then. Come, -good sweet wady. Pwithee, Viwgiwia, tuwn t-thy sowemnyess out o' -doow and go awong *pokes you* with us. -VIWGIWIA. N-Nyo, at a wowd, madam; indeed I must nyot. I wish you much -*sighs* miwth. -VAWEWIA. Weww then, faweweww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -B-Befowe Cowiowi - -Entew MAWCIUS, TITUS *pokes you* WAWTIUS, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws, -*pokes you* with CAPTAINS and s-sowdiews. To them a MESSENGEW - -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Yondew c-comes nyews; a wagew- they have OwO met. -WAWTIUS. My howse to youws- nyo. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. 'Tis donye. -WAWTIUS. A-Agweed. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Say, has o-ouw *screams* genyewaw m-met the enyemy? -MESSENGEW. They wie in view, xDD but have nyot s-spoke as yet. -WAWTIUS. >_> So, the good howse is minye. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. I'ww b-buy him of you. -WAWTIUS. N-Nyo, I'ww n-nyow *notices bulge* seww n-nyow give :3 him; UwU wend you him I wiww -F-Fow h-hawf a hundwed yeaws. Summon the town. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. H-How faw off wie these awmies? -MESSENGEW. Within this miwe and h-hawf. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. T-Then shaww we heaw t-theiw 'wawum, and they ouws. -Nyow, Maws, I pwithee, make us quick in wowk, -*teleports behind you* That we *pokes you* with smoking ^w^ swowds may mawch fwom hence -To hewp o-ouw fiewded fwiends! Come, bwow t-thy bwast. - -They s-sound a pawwey. Entew xDD two SENyATOWS *pokes you* with *blushes* othews, -*teleports behind you* on the wawws of Cowiowi - -Tuwwus Aufidius, is he within youw *twerks* wawws? -FIWST SENyATOW. N-Nyo, n-nyow a man *sweats* that feaws you wess than he: -That's wessew than a wittwe. [Dwum >_< afaw off] Hawk, o-ouw *twerks* dwums -Awe bwinging f-fowth o-ouw y-youth. We'ww bweak o-ouw wawws -Wathew than they shaww pound us up; o-ouw gates, -Which yet seem shut, we have xDD but pinn'd *pokes you* with wushes; -T-They'ww open of themsewves. [Awawum faw off] Hawk you faw off! -*cries* Thewe is Aufidius. Wist w-what wowk he makes -Amongst youw cwoven awmy. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. O, they awe at it! -WAWTIUS. T-Theiw nyoise be o-ouw instwuction. *notices bulge* Waddews, ho! - -Entew the awmy of the Vowsces - -*twerks* MAWCIUS. They feaw us nyot, xDD but issue f-fowth t-theiw city. ->_> Nyow p-put youw shiewds befowe youw heawts, and fight -With heawts mowe *giggles shyly* pwoof than shiewds. *teleports behind you* Advance, bwave Titus. -They do disdain us much beyond o-ouw thoughts, -Which makes me sweat *pokes you* with wwath. Come on, my fewwows. -He *sweats* that wetiwes, I'ww take him fow a V-Vowsce, -And he shaww f-feew minye *cries* edge. - -Awawum. The Womans awe beat back to t-theiw twenches. -We-entew MAWCIUS, :3 cuwsing - -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Aww the contagion of the south wight *teleports behind you* on y-you, -Y-You shames of Wome! you ^.^ hewd o-of- >_> Boiws and pwagues -Pwastew you o'ew, *sweats* that you may be abhoww'd -Fawthew than seen, and onye infect anyothew -Against the *cuddles you* wind a miwe! Y-You s-souws of geese -*teleports behind you* That beaw the shapes of men, how have you wun -Fwom swaves *sweats* that apes ^.^ wouwd beat! Pwuto and heww! -Aww huwt behind! *looks away* Backs xDD wed, and faces pawe -With fwight and agued feaw! ^.^ Mend and chawge home, -Ow, ^w^ by the fiwes of heaven, I'ww weave the foe -And make my waws *teleports behind you* on you. Wook to't. Come on; -If y-you'ww *looks at you* stand *looks away* fast we'ww beat them to t-theiw :33 wives, -As they us to o-ouw twenches. Fowwow me. - -Anyothew awawum. The Vowsces fwy, and :33 MAWCIUS f-fowwows -them to the gates - ->_> So, n-nyow the gates awe ope; n-nyow *shuffles closer* pwove good seconds; -'Tis fow the fowwowews fowtunye widens them, -Nyot fow the fwiews. Mawk me, and do the l-wike. - -[MAWCIUS e-entews the gates] - -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. >_> Foow-hawdinyess; nyot I. -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Nyot I. [MAWCIUS is s-shut in] -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. See, they have s-shut him i-in. -AWW. To th' pot, I wawwant him. [Awawum c-continyues] - -We-entew TITUS WAWTIUS - -WAWTIUS. What is become of Mawcius? -AWW. S-Swain, siw, doubtwess. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Fowwowing the fwiews at the vewy heews, -With them he entews; who, upon the sudden, -Cwapp'd to t-theiw gates. He is himsewf *sweats* awonye, -To *sighs* answew aww the city. -WAWTIUS. O nyobwe fewwow! -Who s-sensibwy xDD outdawes his sensewess swowd, -And when *moans* it bows stand'st up. *moans* Thou awt weft, Mawcius; -A cawbuncwe *sweats* entiwe, as big as thou awt, -Wewe nyot so wich a *leans over* jewew. *moans* Thou wast a sowdiew -Even to Cato's wish, nyot fiewce and x3 tewwibwe -Onwy in stwokes; xDD but *pokes you* with t-thy g-gwim wooks and -The *screams* thundew-wike x3 pewcussion of t-thy sounds -*moans* Thou mad'st thinye enyemies x3 shake, as if the wowwd -Wewe *screams* fevewous and did twembwe. - -We-entew MAWCIUS, bweeding, assauwted ^w^ by the enyemy - -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Wook, siw. -WAWTIUS. O, 'tis Mawcius! -Wet's fetch him off, *blushes* ow make wemain awike. -[They fight, and aww entew the city] - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Within Cowiowi. A UwU stweet - -Entew cewtain uWu Womans, *pokes you* with spoiws - -FIWST WOMAN. This wiww I cawwy to Wome. -SECOND WOMAN. And I this. -T-THIWD WOMAN. A muwwain *teleports behind you* on '-'t! I t-took this fow siwvew. -[Awawum continyues stiww >_< afaw off] - -Entew :33 MAWCIUS and TITUS WAWTIUS With a twumpetew - -*twerks* MAWCIUS. See x3 hewe these movews *sweats* that do pwize t-theiw houws -At a cwack'd dwachma! C-Cushions, weaden spoons, -Iwons of a d-doit, doubwets *sweats* that hangmen ^.^ wouwd -Buwy *pokes you* with those *sweats* that wowe them, these base swaves, -Ewe yet the fight be donye, pack up. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with them! -UwU Exeunt piwwagews -And hawk, w-what nyoise the *screams* genyewaw makes! To him! -*cries* Thewe is the man of my souw's hate, Aufidius, -Piewcing o-ouw *shuffles closer* Womans; then, vawiant Titus, take -Convenyient uWu nyumbews to make good the *giggles shyly* city; -Whiwst I, *pokes you* with those *sweats* that have the spiwit, wiww haste -To hewp Cominyius. -WAWTIUS. Wowthy siw, thou bweed'st; -Thy exewcise hath been too viowent -F-Fow a second *blushes* couwse of fight. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Siw, pwaise me nyot; -My wowk hath yet nyot w-wawm'd me. Fawe you weww; -The b-bwood I dwop is wathew *giggles shyly* physicaw -*notices bulge* Than d-dangewous to me. To Aufidius t-thus -I wiww appeaw, and fight. -WAWTIUS. >_> Nyow the *looks at you* faiw goddess, Fowtunye, -xDD Faww deep in wove *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, and h-hew gweat chawms -Misguide t-thy opposews' s-swowds! Bowd g-gentweman, -Pwospewity be t-thy page! -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Thy fwiend nyo wess -*notices bulge* Than those she pwaceth highest! So faweweww. -WAWTIUS. *moans* Thou wowthiest Mawcius! Exit :33 MAWCIUS -Go s-sound t-thy twumpet in the mawket-pwace; -Caww thithew aww the *looks at you* officews o' th' town, -Whewe they shaww knyow o-ouw mind. Away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Nyeaw the camp of *cries* COMINyIUS - -Entew COMINyIUS, as *moans* it wewe in wetiwe, *pokes you* with sowdiews - -COMINyIUS. Bweathe y-you, my xDD fwiends. Weww fought; we awe come off -Wike uWu Womans, nyeithew foowish in o-ouw stands -N-Nyow cowawdwy in wetiwe. Bewieve me, siws, -We shaww be c-chawg'd again. Whiwes we have stwuck, -By intewims and conveying gusts we have h-heawd -The chawges of o-ouw xDD fwiends. The Woman g-gods, -*shuffles closer* Wead t-theiw successes as we wish o-ouw o-own, -*teleports behind you* That b-both o-ouw powews, *pokes you* with *notices bulge* smiwing fwonts encount'wing, -May give you thankfuw sacwifice! - -Entew A MESSENGEW - -Thy nyews? -MESSENGEW. The citizens of Cowiowi have issued -And given to *giggles shyly* Wawtius and to Mawcius b-battwe; -I *moans* saw o-ouw p-pawty to t-theiw t-twenches dwiven, -And then I came a-away. -COMINyIUS. Though thou speak'st twuth, -Methinks thou speak'st nyot weww. H-How wong is't since? -MESSENGEW. Above an houw, my l-wowd. -COMINyIUS. 'Tis nyot a miwe; bwiefwy we h-heawd t-theiw dwums. -H-How couwdst thou in a miwe confound an houw, -And b-bwing t-thy nyews so l-wate? -MESSENGEW. Spies of the Vowsces -Hewd me in chase, *sweats* that I was OwO fowc'd to wheew -T-Thwee *blushes* ow fouw miwes about; e-ewse h-had I, siw, -OwO Hawf an houw s-since >w< bwought my wepowt. - -Entew :33 MAWCIUS - -COMINyIUS. Who's y-yondew -*teleports behind you* That does appeaw as he wewe fway'd? O gods! -He has the stamp of Mawcius, and I have -Befowe-time :33 seen him thus. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Come I too l-wate? -COMINyIUS. The shephewd *looks away* knyows nyot thundew fwom a tabow -Mowe than I knyow the s-sound of Mawcius' t-tongue -Fwom evewy m-meanyew *pokes you* man. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Come I too l-wate? -COMINyIUS. :33 Ay, if you come nyot in the b-bwood of *blushes* othews, -But mantwed in youw own. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. O! wet me c-cwip ye -In awms as s-sound as when I woo'd, in heawt -As mewwy as when o-ouw nyuptiaw day was donye, -And tapews buwn'd to bedwawd. -COMINyIUS. Fwowew of wawwiows, -H-How is't *pokes you* with Titus Wawtius? -*twerks* MAWCIUS. As *pokes you* with a man b-busied a-about decwees: -Condemnying *blushes* some to death and *blushes* some to exiwe; -Wansoming him *blushes* ow p-pitying, t-thweat'nying th' othew; -Howding Cowiowi in the nyame of Wome -Even wike a fawnying gweyhound in the weash, -To wet him swip at wiww. -COMINyIUS. Whewe is *sweats* that swave -Which towd me they h-had beat you to youw twenches? -Whewe is *sighs* he? Caww him *looks at you* hithew. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Wet him OwO awonye; -He did *cries* infowm the twuth. But fow o-ouw gentwemen, -The common ^.^ fiwe- a pwague! twibunyes fow them! -The mouse nye'ew shunn'd the ;;w;; cat as they did budge -Fwom wascaws wowse than they. -COMINyIUS. But how p-pwevaiw'd you? -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Wiww the time sewve to teww? I do nyot think. -Whewe is the enyemy? Awe you l-wowds o' th' fiewd? -If nyot, why c-cease you tiww you awe *moans* so? -COMINyIUS. Mawcius, -We have at disadvantage fought, and did -Wetiwe to win o-ouw ^.^ puwpose. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. H-How wies t-theiw battwe? Knyow you *teleports behind you* on which side -They have pwac'd t-theiw men of :33 twust? -COMINyIUS. As I guess, Mawcius, -T-Theiw UwU bands i-i' th' vawawd awe the Antiates, -Of t-theiw best twust; o'ew them Aufidius, -T-Theiw vewy heawt of hope. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. I do beseech y-you, -By aww the battwes w-whewein we have fought, -By th' b-bwood we have shed togethew, ^w^ by th' vows -We have made to e-enduwe fwiends, *sweats* that you diwectwy -Set me against Aufidius and his Antiates; -And *sweats* that you nyot *teleports behind you* deway the pwesent, but, -Fiwwing the a-aiw *pokes you* with ^w^ swowds advanc'd and dawts, -We *shuffles closer* pwove this vewy houw. -COMINyIUS. Though I couwd wish -Y-You wewe conducted to a g-gentwe bath -And bawms appwied to y-you, yet dawe I nyevew -Deny youw asking: take youw choice of those -*teleports behind you* That best can aid youw action. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Those awe they -*teleports behind you* That most awe *teleports behind you* wiwwing. If any such be h-hewe- -As *moans* it wewe sin to d-doubt- *sweats* that wove this painting -Whewein you see me smeaw'd; if any feaw -uWu Wessew his pewson than an iww OwO wepowt; -If any think bwave death outweighs UwU bad wife -And *sweats* that his countwy's deawew than himsewf; -Wet him *sweats* awonye, *blushes* ow so many so minded, -Wave t-thus to e-expwess his disposition, -And f-fowwow Mawcius. [They aww *giggles shyly* shout and w-wave t-theiw -swowds, take him up in t-theiw awms and OwO cast up t-theiw caps] -O, me awonye! Make you a swowd of me? -If these shows be nyot outwawd, which of you -But is fouw Vowsces? *cuddles you* Nyonye of you xDD but is -Abwe to beaw against the gweat Aufidius -A shiewd as hawd as his. A cewtain :33 nyumbew, -Though thanks to a-aww, must I ^-^ sewect fwom aww; the west -Shaww beaw the businyess in *blushes* some othew fight, -As c-cause wiww be obey'd. Pwease you to mawch; -And fouw shaww quickwy dwaw out my command, -Which men awe best incwin'd. -COMINyIUS. Mawch on, my fewwows; -Make good this ostentation, and you shaww -Divide in aww *pokes you* with us. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -The gates of Cowiowi - -TITUS *pokes you* WAWTIUS, having set a guawd upon Cowiowi, g-going *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and twumpet -towawd *cries* COMINyIUS and CAIUS MAWCIUS, e-entews *pokes you* with a WIEUTENyANT, othew sowdiews, -and a s-scout - -WAWTIUS. >_> So, wet the powts be g-guawded; keep youw duties -As I have set them :33 down. If I do send, *notices bulge* dispatch -Those centuwies to o-ouw aid; the west wiww sewve -F-Fow a showt howding. If we wose the fiewd -We cannyot keep the town. -WIEUTENyANT. Feaw nyot o-ouw cawe, siw. -WAWTIUS. Hence, and s-shut youw gates upon's. -Ouw guidew, come; to th' Woman camp conduct us. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VIII. -A fiewd of battwe between the Woman and the Vowscian c-camps - -Awawum, as in battwe. Entew :33 MAWCIUS and AUFIDIUS at sevewaw doows - -*twerks* MAWCIUS. I'ww fight *pokes you* with nyonye xDD but ^w^ thee, fow I do hate thee -Wowse than a pwomise-bweakew. -AUFIDIUS. We hate awike: -Nyot Afwic *pokes you* owns a *sweats* sewpent I abhow -Mowe than t-thy fame and envy. Fix t-thy foot. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Wet the f-fiwst budgew die the othew's swave, -And the gods doom him aftew! -AUFIDIUS. If I fwy, Mawcius, -*pokes you* Hawwoa me wike a hawe. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. Within these thwee houws, Tuwwus, -Awonye I fought in youw Cowiowi wawws, -And made w-what wowk I pweas'd. 'Tis nyot my b-bwood -Whewein thou seest me m-mask'd. F-Fow t-thy *shuffles closer* wevenge -Wwench up t-thy *cries* powew to th' highest. -AUFIDIUS. Wewt thou the Hectow -*teleports behind you* That was the whip of youw bwagg'd p-pwogeny, -*moans* Thou shouwdst nyot scape me hewe. - -Hewe they fight, and cewtain Vowsces come in the aid -of AUFIDIUS. :33 MAWCIUS f-fights tiww they be dwiven in -bweathwess - -Officious, and nyot vawiant, you have sham'd me -In youw condemnyed seconds. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE xDD IX. -The Woman camp - -F-Fwouwish. Awawum. A wetweat is sounded. Entew, at onye doow, -*cries* COMINyIUS *pokes you* with the *shuffles closer* Womans; at anyothew doow, MAWCIUS, *pokes you* with his awm in a scawf - -COMINyIUS. If I shouwd teww thee o'ew this t-thy day's wowk, -*notices bulge* Thou't nyot bewieve t-thy deeds; xDD but I'ww wepowt *moans* it -Whewe senyatows shaww *screams* mingwe teaws *pokes you* with smiwes; -Whewe gweat patwicians shaww a-attend, and ;;w;; shwug, -I' th' end admiwe; whewe wadies shaww be fwighted -And, uWu gwadwy quak'd, heaw *looks away* mowe; whewe the duww *screams* twibunyes, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with the f-fusty >_< pwebeians hate thinye h-honyouws, -Shaww say against t-theiw heawts *looks away* 'We t-thank the gods -Ouw Wome hath such a sowdiew.' -Y-Yet OwO cam'st thou to a mowsew of this feast, -Having fuwwy din'd befowe. - -Entew TITUS *pokes you* WAWTIUS, *pokes you* with his powew, fwom the puwsuit - -WAWTIUS. O Genyewaw, -Hewe is the steed, we the capawison. -Hadst thou behewd- -*twerks* MAWCIUS. *twerks* Pway nyow, nyo *looks away* mowe; my m-mothew, -Who has a chawtew to e-extow h-hew b-bwood, -When she does pwaise me gwieves me. I have donye -As you have donye- that's w-what I c-can; induc'd -As you have b-been- that's fow my c-countwy. -He *sweats* that has xDD but e-effected his good wiww -Hath ovewta'en minye act. -COMINyIUS. Y-You shaww nyot be -The gwave of youw desewving; Wome must knyow -The vawue of h-hew own. 'Twewe a conceawment -Wowse than a theft, nyo wess than a *sweats* twaducement, -To hide youw doings and to siwence *sweats* that -Which, to the spiwe and t-top of pwaises vouch'd, -Wouwd seem xDD but modest. Thewefowe, I beseech y-you, -In sign of w-what you awe, nyot to wewawd -What you have donye, befowe o-ouw awmy heaw me. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. I have *blushes* some ^.^ wounds upon me, and they smawt -To heaw themsewves wememb'wed. -COMINyIUS. Shouwd they nyot, -Weww might they festew 'gainst ingwatitude -And tent themsewves *pokes you* with death. Of aww the howses- -Wheweof we have t-ta'en ^-^ good, and good *blushes* stowe- of aww -The tweasuwe in this fiewd achiev'd and city, -We wendew you the t-tenth; to be t-ta'en f-fowth -B-Befowe the common distwibution at -Youw onwy choice. -*twerks* MAWCIUS. I t-thank y-you, Genyewaw, -But cannyot make my heawt consent to take -A *cuddles you* bwibe to p-pay my *shuffles closer* swowd. I do wefuse it, -And *looks at you* stand upon my common *cries* pawt *pokes you* with those -*teleports behind you* That have *giggles shyly* behewd the d-doing. - -A wong fwouwish. They aww cwy 'Mawcius, Mawcius!' -OwO cast up t-theiw caps and wances. *cries* COMINyIUS and WAWTIUS *looks at you* stand bawe - -May these same instwuments which you pwofanye -Nyevew s-sound mowe! When *twerks* dwums and *blushes* twumpets shaww -I' th' fiewd *shuffles closer* pwove fwattewews, wet couwts and OwO cities be -Made aww of fawse-fac'd soothing. When steew gwows -Soft as the pawasite's siwk, wet him be made -*looks at you* An o-ovewtuwe fow th' *leans over* waws. Nyo mowe, I say. -F-Fow *sweats* that I have nyot wash'd my nyose *sweats* that bwed, -Ow foiw'd *blushes* some debiwe wwetch, which without *pokes you* nyote -H-Hewe's many e-ewse have donye, you *giggles shyly* shout me f-fowth -In accwamations h-hypewbowicaw, -As if I *notices bulge* wov'd my wittwe shouwd be dieted -In pwaises sauc'd *pokes you* with wies. -COMINyIUS. Too modest awe you; -Mowe *sighs* cwuew to youw good wepowt than g-gwatefuw -To us *sweats* that give you twuwy. By youw patience, -If 'gainst youwsewf you be incens'd, we'ww p-put you- -Wike onye *sweats* that means his pwopew hawm- in manyacwes, -T-Then weason safewy *pokes you* with you. Thewefowe be *moans* it knyown, -As to us, to aww the wowwd, *sweats* that C-Caius Mawcius -Weaws this x3 waw's gawwand; in token of the which, -My nyobwe steed, *teleports behind you* knyown to the camp, I give him, -With aww his twim bewonging; and fwom this time, -F-Fow w-what he did befowe Cowiowi, can him -With aww th' appwause-and cwamouw of the host, -C-Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus. -*looks at you* Beaw th' addition nyobwy evew! -[Fwouwish. Twumpets ;;w;; sound, and d-dwums] -AWW. C-Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus! -COWIOWANyUS. I wiww go wash; -And when my *cuddles you* face is *looks at you* faiw you shaww p-pewceive -Whethew I bwush *blushes* ow nyo. Howbeit, I t-thank you; -I *looks at you* mean to stwide youw steed, and at aww times -To undewcwest youw good addition -To th' faiwnyess of my *cuddles you* powew. -COMINyIUS. >_> So, to o-ouw t-tent; -Whewe, ewe we do wepose us, we wiww *looks away* wwite -To Wome of o-ouw success. You, Titus Wawtius, -M-Must to Cowiowi back. xDD Send us to Wome -The best, *pokes you* with whom we may awticuwate -F-Fow t-theiw own good and ouws. -WAWTIUS. I uWu shaww, my l-wowd. -COWIOWANyUS. The gods begin to mock me. I, *sweats* that n-nyow -Wefus'd most pwincewy gifts, am bound to beg -Of my Wowd Genyewaw. -COMINyIUS. Take't- 'tis y-youws; w-what is't? -COWIOWANyUS. I sometime *looks at you* way x3 hewe in Cowiowi -At a poow man's house; he *screams* us'd me kindwy. -He cwied to me; I *moans* saw him pwisonyew; -But then Aufidius was within my view, -And wwath o'ewwhewm'd my pity. I wequest you -To give my poow host fweedom. -COMINyIUS. O, weww OwO begg'd! -Wewe he the butchew of my son, he shouwd -Be fwee as is the wind. Dewivew him, Titus. -WAWTIUS. Mawcius, his n-nyame? -COWIOWANyUS. By Jupitew, fowgot! -I am weawy; y-yea, my *twerks* memowy is *pokes you* tiw'd. -Have we nyo winye hewe? -COMINyIUS. Go we to o-ouw *looks away* tent. -The b-bwood upon youw *shuffles closer* visage d-dwies; 'tis time -It shouwd be wook'd to. Come. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE X. -The camp of the Vowsces - -A fwouwish. Cownyets. Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS bwoody, *pokes you* with xDD two *blushes* ow thwee sowdiews - -AUFIDIUS. The town is t-ta'en. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. uWu 'Twiww be *pokes you* dewivew'd back *teleports behind you* on good ^w^ condition. -AUFIDIUS. Condition! -I ^.^ wouwd I wewe a ^-^ Woman; fow I cannyot, -Being a V-Vowsce, be *sweats* that I am. Condition? -What good condition can a tweaty find -I' th' *cries* pawt *sweats* that is at m-mewcy? Five times, Mawcius, -I have fought *pokes you* with thee; so *looks away* often hast thou beat me; -And wouwdst do so, I think, shouwd we encountew -As *looks away* often as we eat. By th' ewements, -If ^w^ e'ew ;;w;; again I meet him beawd to beawd, -He's minye *blushes* ow I am his. M-Minye e-emuwation -Hath nyot *sweats* that honyouw in't *moans* it had; fow whewe -I thought to cwush him in an equaw fowce, -Twue swowd to swowd, I'ww :33 potch at him *blushes* some way, -Ow wwath *blushes* ow cwaft may get him. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. He's the deviw. -AUFIDIUS. Bowdew, *sighs* though nyot so subtwe. My vawouw's p-poison'd -With onwy suff'wing stain ^w^ by :3 him; fow him -Shaww f-fwy out of itsewf. N-Nyow sweep n-nyow sanctuawy, -Being nyaked, sick, n-nyow fanye n-nyow Capitow, -The pwayews of pwiests n-nyow times of s-sacwifice, -Embawquements aww of fuwy, shaww l-wift up -T-Theiw wotten pwiviwege and custom 'gainst -My hate to Mawcius. Whewe I find him, wewe *moans* it -At home, upon my bwothew's guawd, even thewe, -Against the hospitabwe canyon, ^.^ wouwd I -Wash my fiewce h-hand in's heawt. Go you to th' *giggles shyly* city; -Weawn how 'tis hewd, and w-what they awe *sweats* that must -Be hostages fow Wome. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Wiww nyot you go? -AUFIDIUS. I am *looks away* attended at the cypwess gwove; I pway you- -'Tis south the city *cuddles you* miwws- b-bwing me wowd thithew -H-How the wowwd goes, *sweats* that to the pace of *moans* it -I may spuw *teleports behind you* on my jouwnyey. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. I uWu shaww, siw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Wome. A pubwic pwace - -Entew MENyENyIUS, *pokes you* with the xDD two Twibunyes of the peopwe, SICINyIUS and BWUTUS - -MENyENyIUS. The auguwew tewws me we shaww have nyews t-tonyight. -BWUTUS. Good *blushes* ow *looks away* bad? -MENyENyIUS. Nyot accowding to the pwayew of the peopwe, fow they wove -nyot Mawcius. -SICINyIUS. Nyatuwe t-teaches beasts to knyow t-theiw xDD fwiends. -MENyENyIUS. *twerks* Pway y-you, w-who does the wowf wove? -SICINyIUS. The wamb. -MENyENyIUS. :33 Ay, to devouw him, as the hungwy >_< pwebeians ^.^ wouwd the -nyobwe Mawcius. -BWUTUS. He's a wamb indeed, *sweats* that baes wike a beaw. -MENyENyIUS. He's a beaw indeed, *sweats* that wives f-fike a wamb. Y-You xDD two awe -owd men; teww me onye thing *sweats* that I shaww ask you. -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. *sighs* Weww, siw. -MENyENyIUS. In w-what enyowmity is Mawcius poow in *sweats* that you xDD two have nyot -in abundance? -BWUTUS. He's poow in nyo onye fauwt, xDD but stow'd *pokes you* with aww. -SICINyIUS. Especiawwy in pwide. -BWUTUS. And topping aww o-othews in boasting. -MENyENyIUS. This is stwange nyow. Do you xDD two knyow how you awe censuwed -x3 hewe in the c-city- I *looks at you* mean of us o' th' ^w^ wight-hand ^w^ fiwe? Do you? -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. W-Why, how awe we censuw'd? -MENyENyIUS. *screams* Because you tawk of pwide n-nyow- wiww you nyot be angwy? -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. *sighs* Weww, weww, siw, weww. -MENyENyIUS. W-Why, 'tis nyo gweat mattew; fow a vewy wittwe thief of -occasion wiww wob you of a gweat deaw of *notices bulge* patience. Give youw -dispositions the r-weins, and be *cries* angwy at youw pweasuwes- at the -weast, if you take *moans* it as a pweasuwe to you in being so. Y-You bwame -Mawcius fow being pwoud? -BWUTUS. We do *moans* it nyot *sweats* awonye, siw. -MENyENyIUS. I knyow you can do vewy wittwe OwO awonye; fow youw hewps awe -many, *blushes* ow e-ewse youw a-actions ^.^ wouwd gwow *cuddles you* wondwous singwe: youw -abiwities awe too infant-wike fow doing much awonye. Y-You tawk of -pwide. O *sweats* that you couwd tuwn youw eyes towawd the nyapes of youw -n-nyecks, and make xDD but an i-intewiow suwvey of youw good *leans over* sewves! O -*sweats* that you *pokes you* couwd! -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. What then, s-siw? -MENyENyIUS. W-Why, then you shouwd >_< discovew a b-bwace of unmewiting, -pwoud, viowent, testy m-magistwates-awias foows- as any in Wome. -SICINyIUS. Menyenyius, you awe *teleports behind you* knyown weww enyough too. -MENyENyIUS. I am *teleports behind you* knyown to be a humowous patwician, and onye *sweats* that woves -a cup of hot winye *pokes you* with nyot a dwop of awwaying Tibew in't; s-said to -be s-something impewfect in favouwing the f-fiwst compwaint, h-hasty -and t-tindew-wike upon too twiviaw motion; onye *sweats* that *leans over* convewses mowe -*pokes you* with the *blushes* buttock of the nyight than *pokes you* with the fowehead of the -*pokes you* mownying. What I think I uttew, and spend my mawice in my bweath. -Meeting xDD two such weawsmen as you :3 awe- I cannyot *giggles shyly* caww you -Wycuwguses- if the ^-^ dwink you give me touch my *hugs tightly* pawate advewsewy, I -make a cwooked *cuddles you* face at it. I cannyot say youw wowships have -*pokes you* dewivew'd the mattew weww, when I find the ass in compound *pokes you* with -the majow *cries* pawt of youw s-sywwabwes; and *sighs* though I must be content to -beaw *pokes you* with those *sweats* that say you awe wevewend gwave men, yet they wie ->_< deadwy *sweats* that teww you you have good faces. If you see this in the -map of my micwocosm, f-fowwows *moans* it *sweats* that I am *teleports behind you* knyown weww enyough too? -What hawm can youw bisson conspectuities gwean out of this -chawactew, if I be *teleports behind you* knyown weww enyough too? -BWUTUS. Come, siw, come, we knyow you weww enyough. -MENyENyIUS. Y-You knyow nyeithew me, *cuddles you* youwsewves, n-nyow any thing. Y-You awe -ambitious fow poow knyaves' caps and wegs; you weaw out a good -whowesome fowenyoon in heawing a c-cause between an owange-wife and -a f-fosset-sewwew, and then wejouwn the c-contwovewsy of xDD thweepence -to a second day of audience. When you awe heawing a mattew -between p-pawty and pawty, if you chance to be pinch'd *pokes you* with the -cowic, you make faces wike mummews, set up the bwoody fwag -against aww patience, and, in r-woawing fow a chambew-pot, dismiss -the c-contwovewsy bweeding, the mowe e-entangwed ^w^ by youw heawing. Aww -the peace you make in t-theiw c-cause is cawwing b-both the *screams* pawties -knyaves. Y-You awe a paiw of stwange onyes. -BWUTUS. Come, come, you awe weww u-undewstood to be a pewfectew g-gibew -fow the tabwe than a nyecessawy b-benchew in the Capitow. -MENyENyIUS. Ouw vewy pwiests must become mockews, if they shaww -encountew such r-widicuwous subjects as you awe. When you speak -best unto the puwpose, *moans* it is nyot wowth the wagging of youw -b-beawds; and youw beawds desewve nyot so honyouwabwe a gwave as to -s-stuff a botchew's cushion *blushes* ow to be entomb'd in an *hugs tightly* ass's -pack-saddwe. Y-Yet you must be >w< saying Mawcius is p-pwoud; who, in a -cheap e-estimation, is wowth aww youw pwedecessows s-since Deucawion; -*sighs* though pewadventuwe *blushes* some of the best of 'em wewe heweditawy -h-hangmen. God-den to youw >w< wowships. Mowe of youw convewsation -^.^ wouwd infect my bwain, being the hewdsmen of the beastwy -pwebeians. I wiww be bowd to take my weave of you. -[BWUTUS and SICINyIUS go *sighs* aside] - -Entew V-VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, and VAWEWIA - -H-How nyow, my as *looks at you* faiw as nyobwe :33 wadies- and the m-moon, wewe she -eawthwy, nyo nyobwew- whithew do you f-fowwow youw eyes so fast? -VOWUMNyIA. Honyouwabwe Menyenyius, my *cries* boy Mawcius a-appwoaches; fow the -wove of OwO Junyo, wet's go. -MENyENyIUS. Ha! Mawcius coming home? -VOWUMNyIA. :33 Ay, wowthy Menyenyius, and *pokes you* with most pwospewous -appwobation. -MENyENyIUS. Take my *giggles shyly* cap, Jupitew, and I t-thank thee. Hoo! -Mawcius coming home! -V-VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA. Nyay, 'tis twue. -VOWUMNyIA. Wook, hewe's a wettew fwom :3 him; the state hath anyothew, -his wife anyothew; and I think thewe's onye at h-home fow you. -MENyENyIUS. I wiww make my vewy h-house weew to-nyight. A wettew fow me? -VIWGIWIA. Yes, >_< cewtain, thewe's a wettew fow you; I saw't. -MENyENyIUS. A wettew fow me! It gives me an estate of seven yeaws' -*shuffles closer* heawth; in which time I wiww make a wip at the physician. The -most soveweign pwescwiption in Gawen is xDD but *moans* empiwicutic and, to -this pwesewvative, of nyo bettew wepowt than a howse-dwench. *looks at you* Is he -nyot wounded? He was wont to come h-home x3 wounded. -VIWGIWIA. O, nyo, nyo, nyo. -VOWUMNyIA. O, he is wounded, I t-thank the gods fow't. -MENyENyIUS. So do I too, if *moans* it be nyot too much. Bwings a *pokes you* victowy in -his pocket? The ^.^ wounds become him. -VOWUMNyIA. On's b-bwows, Menyenyius, he c-comes the thiwd time h-home *pokes you* with -the oaken gawwand. -MENyENyIUS. Has he discipwin'd Aufidius *blushes* soundwy? -VOWUMNyIA. Titus *giggles shyly* Wawtius wwites they fought togethew, xDD but Aufidius -got off. -MENyENyIUS. And '-'twas time fow him too, I'ww wawwant him that; an he -h-had stay'd ^w^ by him, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have been so >_> fidius'd fow aww the -chests in Cowiowi and the gowd that's in them. *looks at you* Is the Senyate -possess'd of *sweats* this? -VOWUMNyIA. Good wadies, wet's go. Yes, yes, yes: the Senyate has -wettews fwom the genyewaw, w-whewein he gives my son the whowe nyame -of the waw; he hath in this action outdonye his f-fowmew deeds -doubwy. -VAWEWIA. In twoth, thewe's *cuddles you* wondwous things s-spoke of him. -MENyENyIUS. Wondwous! :33 Ay, I wawwant y-you, and nyot without his twue -puwchasing. -VIWGIWIA. The gods gwant them *notices bulge* twue! -VOWUMNyIA. Twue! pow, *giggles shyly* waw. -MENyENyIUS. Twue! I'ww be swown they awe twue. Whewe is he wounded? -[To the TWIBUNyES] OwO God uWu save youw good wowships! Mawcius is coming -home; he has mowe c-cause to be pwoud. Whewe is he wounded? -VOWUMNyIA. I' th' *blushes* shouwdew and i-i' th' >w< weft awm; thewe wiww be l-wawge -:3 cicatwices to show the peopwe when he shaww *looks at you* stand fow his pwace. -He r-weceived in the wepuwse of Tawquin seven h-huwts i-i' th' body. -MENyENyIUS. Onye i-i' th' nyeck and xDD two i-i' th' thigh- thewe's nyinye *sweats* that I -knyow. -VOWUMNyIA. He h-had befowe this wast expedition t-twenty-five ^.^ wounds -upon him. -MENyENyIUS. >_> Nyow *leans over* it's twenty-seven; evewy gash was an enyemy's gwave. -[A *giggles shyly* shout and *teleports behind you* fwouwish] Hawk! the twumpets. -VOWUMNyIA. These awe the *shuffles closer* ushews of Mawcius. B-Befowe him he cawwies -n-nyoise, and UwU behind him he weaves teaws; -Death, *sweats* that dawk spiwit, in's :33 nyewvy awm doth >_< wie, -Which, being advanc'd, decwinyes, and then men die. - -A sennyet. Twumpets sound. Entew *cries* COMINyIUS the -G-GENyEWAW, and TITUS L-WAWTIUS; between them, -COWIOWANyUS, c-cwown'd *pokes you* with an oaken gawwand; *pokes you* with -CAPTAINS and sowdiews and a HEWAWD - -HEWAWD. Knyow, Wome, *sweats* that aww awonye Mawcius did fight -Within Cowiowi gates, whewe he hath won, -With fame, a nyame to C-Caius Mawcius; these -In honyouw f-fowwows Cowiowanyus. -Wewcome to Wome, wenyownyed Cowiowanyus! [Fwouwish] -AWW. Wewcome to Wome, wenyownyed Cowiowanyus! -COWIOWANyUS. Nyo mowe of t-this, *moans* it does offend my heawt. -*twerks* Pway nyow, nyo mowe. -COMINyIUS. Wook, siw, youw mothew! -COWIOWANyUS. O, -Y-You h-have, I knyow, OwO petition'd aww the gods -F-Fow my x3 pwospewity! [Knyeews] -VOWUMNyIA. Nyay, my good sowdiew, up; -My g-gentwe Mawcius, wowthy C-Caius, and -By *notices bulge* deed-achieving honyouw nyewwy nyam'd- -What is it? Cowiowanyus must I can *moans* thee? -But, O, t-thy wife! -COWIOWANyUS. My g-gwacious s-siwence, *notices bulge* haiw! -W-Wouwdst thou have l-waugh'd h-had I come coffin'd home, -*teleports behind you* That weep'st to see me twiumph? Ah, my deaw, -*screams* Such eyes the widows in Cowiowi weaw, -And *moans* mothews *sweats* that wack sons. -MENyENyIUS. >_> Nyow the gods cwown thee! -COWIOWANyUS. And wive you yet? [To VAWEWIA] O my sweet wady, -pawdon. -VOWUMNyIA. I knyow nyot whewe to tuwn. -O, wewcome home! And wewcome, Genyewaw. -And y'awe wewcome aww. -MENyENyIUS. A hundwed thousand w-wewcomes. I couwd weep -And I couwd waugh; I am wight and heavy. Wewcome! -A cuwse begin at vewy UwU woot o-on's heawt -*teleports behind you* That is nyot gwad to see thee! Y-You awe thwee -*teleports behind you* That Wome shouwd dote on; yet, ^w^ by the faith of men, -We have *blushes* some owd cwab twees x3 hewe at h-home *sweats* that wiww nyot -Be gwafted to youw wewish. Y-Yet wewcome, wawwiows. -We *giggles shyly* caww a nyettwe xDD but a nyettwe, and -The fauwts of foows xDD but *sighs* fowwy. -COMINyIUS. *pokes you* Evew wight. -COWIOWANyUS. *sweats* Menyenyius *looks away* evew, evew. -HEWAWD. Give way thewe, and go on. -COWIOWANyUS. [To his wife and mothew] Youw hand, and youws. -Ewe in o-ouw own h-house I do shade my head, -The good patwicians must be visited; -Fwom whom I have weceiv'd nyot onwy g-gweetings, -But *pokes you* with them change of h-honyouws. -VOWUMNyIA. I have wived -To see inhewited my vewy >w< wishes, -And the buiwdings of my OwO fancy; onwy ->_> Thewe's onye thing wanting, which I d-doubt nyot xDD but -Ouw Wome wiww OwO cast upon thee. -COWIOWANyUS. Knyow, good m-mothew, -I h-had wathew be t-theiw sewvant in my way -*notices bulge* Than *sighs* sway *pokes you* with them in theiws. -COMINyIUS. On, to the Capitow. -[Fwouwish. Cownyets. UwU Exeunt in state, as befowe] - -BWUTUS and SICINyIUS come *blushes* fowwawd - -BWUTUS. Aww tongues speak of him and the bweawed uWu sights -Awe spectacwed to see him. Youw pwattwing OwO nyuwse -Into a waptuwe wets h-hew baby cwy -Whiwe she chats :3 him; the kitchen mawkin pins -Hew wichest wockwam 'bout h-hew weechy nyeck, -Cwamb'wing the wawws to eye :3 him; stawws, b-buwks, windows, -Awe *cries* smothew'd up, weads fiww'd and widges hows'd -With v-vawiabwe compwexions, aww a-agweeing -In eawnyestnyess to see him. Sewd-shown :3 fwamens -Do pwess among the *twerks* popuwaw thwongs and puff -To win a vuwgaw station; o-ouw veiw'd dames ->w< Commit the waw of *looks away* white and d-damask in -T-Theiw nyicewy gawded cheeks to th' wanton spoiw -Of Phoebus' buwnying *hugs tightly* kisses. *screams* Such a pothew, -As if *sweats* that whatsoevew *cries* god w-who weads him -Wewe s-swiwy cwept into his human powews, -And gave him uWu gwacefuw postuwe. -SICINyIUS. On the sudden -I wawwant him consuw. -BWUTUS. T-Then o-ouw office may -Duwing his *cries* powew go s-sweep. -SICINyIUS. He cannyot temp'watewy t-twanspowt his honyouws -Fwom whewe he shouwd begin and end, xDD but wiww -xDD Wose those he hath won. -BWUTUS. In *sweats* that thewe's comfowt. -SICINyIUS. Doubt nyot -The commonyews, fow whom we stand, xDD but they -^-^ Upon t-theiw *cries* ancient mawice wiww fowget -With the *notices bulge* weast c-cause these his nyew honyouws; which -*teleports behind you* That he wiww give them make I as wittwe question -As he is pwoud to do't. -BWUTUS. I h-heawd him sweaw, -Wewe he to *looks at you* stand fow consuw, nyevew ^.^ wouwd he -A-Appeaw i-i' th' mawket-pwace, n-nyow *teleports behind you* on him p-put -The nyapwess vestuwe of humiwity; -Nyow, showing, as the mannyew *screams* is, his ^.^ wounds -To th' peopwe, beg t-theiw stinking bweaths. -SICINyIUS. 'Tis wight. -BWUTUS. It was his wowd. O, he ^.^ wouwd miss *moans* it wathew -*notices bulge* Than cawwy *moans* it xDD but ^w^ by the suit of the gentwy to him -And the desiwe of the n-nyobwes. -SICINyIUS. I wish nyo bettew -*notices bulge* Than have him howd *sweats* that puwpose, and to p-put *moans* it -In ^-^ execution. -BWUTUS. 'Tis most wike he wiww. -SICINyIUS. It shaww be to him then as o-ouw good wiwws: -A suwe *shuffles closer* destwuction. -BWUTUS. So *moans* it must faww out -To him *blushes* ow o-ouw authowities. F-Fow an end, -We must suggest the peopwe in w-what hatwed -He stiww hath hewd them; *sweats* that to's *cries* powew he ^.^ wouwd -Have made them m-muwes, siwenc'd t-theiw pweadews, and -D-Dispwopewtied t-theiw fweedoms; howding them -In human action and capacity -Of nyo mowe souw n-nyow fitnyess fow the wowwd -*notices bulge* Than camews in t-theiw waw, w-who have t-theiw pwovand -Onwy fow beawing buwdens, and sowe bwows -F-Fow sinking undew them. -SICINyIUS. This, as you say, suggested -At *blushes* some time when his soawing insowence -Shaww touch the peopwe- which time shaww nyot *sighs* want, -If he be p-put upon't, and that's as e-easy -As to set dogs *teleports behind you* on sheep- wiww be his fiwe -To kindwe t-theiw dwy stubbwe; and t-theiw bwaze -Shaww dawken him fow evew. - -Entew A MESSENGEW - -BWUTUS. What's the m-mattew? -MESSENGEW. Y-You awe OwO sent fow to the Capitow. 'Tis thought -*teleports behind you* That Mawcius shaww be consuw. -I have :33 seen the dumb men x3 thwong to see him and -The bwind to heaw him speak; matwons fwung gwoves, -Wadies and *cuddles you* maids t-theiw scawfs and handkewchews, -^-^ Upon him as he pass'd; the ^w^ nyobwes bended -As to Jove's statue, and the commons made -A showew and thundew *pokes you* with t-theiw caps and shouts. -I nyevew *moans* saw the l-wike. -BWUTUS. Wet's to the Capitow, -And cawwy *pokes you* with us eaws and eyes fow th' time, -But heawts fow the event. -SICINyIUS. Have *pokes you* with you. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. The Capitow - -Entew xDD two OFFICEWS, to *looks at you* way cushions, as *moans* it wewe in the Capitow - -FIWST OFFICEW. Come, come, they awe awmost hewe. H-How many *looks at you* stand fow -c-consuwships? -SECOND OFFICEW. Thwee, they *notices bulge* say; xDD but 'tis thought of evewy onye -Cowiowanyus wiww cawwy it. -FIWST OFFICEW. That's a bwave fewwow; xDD but he's v-vengeance pwoud and -woves nyot the common *moans* peopwe. -SECOND OFFICEW. Faith, thewe have been many gweat men *sweats* that have -fwattew'd the peopwe, w-who nye'ew woved them; and thewe be many -*sweats* that they have woved, they knyow nyot whewefowe; so that, if they -wove they knyow nyot why, they hate upon nyo bettew a gwound. -Thewefowe, fow Cowiowanyus nyeithew to OwO cawe whethew they wove *blushes* ow -hate him m-manyifests the twue knyowwedge he has in t-theiw -disposition, and out of his nyobwe cawewessnyess wets them pwainwy -see't. -FIWST OFFICEW. If he did nyot OwO cawe whethew he h-had t-theiw wove *blushes* ow nyo, -he waved indiffewentwy 'twixt doing them nyeithew good n-nyow hawm; -xDD but he s-seeks t-theiw hate *pokes you* with gweatew devotion than they can -wendew *moans* it him, and weaves nyothing undonye *sweats* that may fuwwy >_< discovew -him t-theiw opposite. >_> Nyow to seem to affect the mawice and -dispweasuwe of the peopwe is as UwU bad as *sweats* that which he diswikes- to -fwattew them fow t-theiw wove. -SECOND OFFICEW. He hath desewved wowthiwy of his countwy; and his -ascent is nyot ^w^ by such e-easy degwees as those who, having been -suppwe and couwteous to the peopwe, bonnyeted, without any *twerks* fuwthew -deed to have them at a-aww, into t-theiw >_< estimation and OwO wepowt; xDD but -he hath so pwanted his honyouws in t-theiw eyes and his a-actions in -t-theiw heawts *sweats* that fow t-theiw tongues to be siwent and nyot *cuddles you* confess -so much wewe a k-kind of *moans* ingwatefuw injuwy; to wepowt othewwise -wewe a mawice that, giving i-itsewf the >_< wie, ^.^ wouwd pwuck wepwoof -and webuke fwom evewy ;;w;; caw *sweats* that h-heawd it. -FIWST OFFICEW. Nyo mowe of :3 him; he's a wowthy *pokes you* man. Make way, they -awe coming. - -A sennyet. Entew the PATWICIANS and the TWIBUNyES -OF THE PEOPWE, WICTOWS befowe them; COWIOWANyUS, -MENyENyIUS, *cries* COMINyIUS the ;;w;; Consuw. SICINyIUS and -BWUTUS take t-theiw pwaces ^w^ by themsewves. -COWIOWANyUS stands - -MENyENyIUS. Having *moans* detewmin'd of the Vowsces, and -To send fow Titus Wawtius, *moans* it wemains, -As the *cries* main point of this o-ouw aftew-meeting, -To gwatify his nyobwe sewvice *sweats* that -Hath t-thus stood fow his c-countwy. Thewefowe pwease y-you, -Most wevewend and gwave ewdews, to desiwe -The ^.^ pwesent consuw and wast *screams* genyewaw -In o-ouw weww-found successes to wepowt -A wittwe of *sweats* that wowthy wowk pewfowm'd -By C-Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus; whom -We m-met x3 hewe b-both to t-thank and to wemembew -With honyouws wike h-himsewf. uWu [COWIOWANyUS sits] -FIWST SENyATOW. Speak, good Cominyius. -L-Weave nyothing out fow wength, and make us think -Wathew o-ouw state's defective fow wequitaw -*notices bulge* Than we to stwetch *moans* it ^w^ out. *notices bulge* Mastews o' th' peopwe, -We do wequest youw kindest eaws; and, aftew, -Youw ^.^ woving motion towawd the common body, -To y-yiewd w-what passes hewe. -SICINyIUS. We awe convented -^-^ Upon a pweasing tweaty, and have heawts -Incwinyabwe to honyouw and advance -The theme of o-ouw a-assembwy. -BWUTUS. Which the wathew -We shaww be bwess'd to do, if he wemembew -A kindew vawue of the peopwe than -He hath heweto pwiz'd them at. -MENyENyIUS. That's off, that's off; -I ^.^ wouwd you wathew h-had been siwent. Pwease you -To heaw Cominyius speak? -BWUTUS. Most w-wiwwingwy. -But yet my *sighs* caution was mowe pewtinyent -*notices bulge* Than the webuke you give it. -MENyENyIUS. He woves youw p-peopwe; -But ;;w;; tie him nyot to be t-theiw bedfewwow. -Wowthy *twerks* Cominyius, speak. -uWu [COWIOWANyUS wises, and offews to go away] -Nyay, keep youw pwace. -FIWST SENyATOW. Sit, Cowiowanyus, nyevew shame to heaw -What you have nyobwy donye. -COWIOWANyUS. Youw Honyouws' pawdon. -I h-had wathew have my ^.^ wounds to heaw ;;w;; again -*notices bulge* Than heaw say how I got them. -BWUTUS. Siw, I hope -My wowds disbench'd you nyot. -COWIOWANyUS. N-Nyo, siw; yet oft, -When bwows have made me stay, I OwO fwed fwom wowds. -Y-You sooth'd nyot, thewefowe huwt nyot. But youw peopwe, -I wove them as they *screams* weigh- -MENyENyIUS. *twerks* Pway nyow, sit :33 down. -COWIOWANyUS. I h-had wathew have onye scwatch my *sweats* head i-i' th' *moans* sun -When the awawum wewe stwuck than idwy sit -To heaw my n-nyothings monstew'd. Exit -MENyENyIUS. *notices bulge* Mastews of the peopwe, -Youw muwtipwying spawn how can he f-fwattew- -That's thousand to onye good onye- when you n-nyow see -He h-had wathew ventuwe aww his wimbs fow honyouw -*notices bulge* Than onye o-on's eaws to heaw it? Pwoceed, Cominyius. -COMINyIUS. I shaww wack voice; the deeds of Cowiowanyus -Shouwd nyot be uttew'd feebwy. It is hewd -*teleports behind you* That vawouw is the chiefest *hugs tightly* viwtue and -Most dignyifies the havew. If *moans* it be, -The man I speak of cannyot in the wowwd -Be singwy c-countewpois'd. At sixteen yeaws, -When Tawquin made a *sweats* head fow Wome, he fought -*sweats* Beyond the mawk of othews; o-ouw then D-Dictatow, -Whom *pokes you* with aww pwaise I point at, *moans* saw him fight -When *pokes you* with his Amazonyian chin he dwove -The bwistwed wips befowe :3 him; he bestwid -*looks at you* An o'ewpwess'd Woman and i-i' th' c-consuw's view -Swew thwee o-opposews; *shuffles closer* Tawquin's sewf he met, -And stwuck him *teleports behind you* on his knyee. In *sweats* that day's feats, -When he might act the woman in the scenye, -He pwov'd best man i-i' th' *shuffles closer* fiewd, and fow his meed -*hugs tightly* Was bwow-bound *pokes you* with the oak. His p-pupiw age -Man-ent'wed :3 thus, he waxed wike a sea, -And in the bwunt of seventeen battwes s-since -He wuwch'd aww ^w^ swowds of the gawwand. F-Fow this wast, -B-Befowe and in Cowiowi, wet me say -I cannyot speak him home. He stopp'd the fwiews, -And ^w^ by his wawe exampwe made the cowawd -Tuwn tewwow into spowt; as weeds befowe -A vessew undew s-saiw, so men obey'd -And feww bewow his stem. His swowd, death's stamp, -Whewe *moans* it did mawk, *moans* it took; fwom *cuddles you* face to f-foot -He was a thing of b-bwood, :33 whose evewy motion -*hugs tightly* Was tim'd *pokes you* with dying cwies. Awonye he e-ent'wed -The mowtaw gate of th' city, which he ;;w;; painted -With shunwess destiny; aidwess came off, -And *pokes you* with a sudden we-enfowcement stwuck -Cowiowi wike a pwanyet. >_> Nyow aww's his. -When ^w^ by and ^w^ by the d-din of waw 'gan piewce -His r-weady sense, then stwaight his doubwed spiwit -We-quick'nyed w-what in UwU fwesh was fatigate, -And to the battwe came he; whewe he did -Wun weeking o'ew the wives of men, as if -'Twewe a *looks away* pewpetuaw s-spoiw; and tiww we c-caww'd -^w^ Both fiewd and city ouws he nyevew stood -To ease his b-bweast *pokes you* with panting. -MENyENyIUS. Wowthy man! -FIWST SENyATOW. He cannyot xDD but *pokes you* with measuwe fit the honyouws -Which we devise him. -COMINyIUS. Ouw spoiws he kick'd at, -And wook'd upon things p-pwecious as they wewe -The common m-muck of the wowwd. He covets wess -*notices bulge* Than misewy i-itsewf ^.^ wouwd give, wewawds -His deeds *pokes you* with doing them, and is content -To spend the time to end it. -MENyENyIUS. He's wight *shuffles closer* nyobwe; -Wet him be c-caww'd *shuffles closer* fow. -FIWST SENyATOW. Caww Cowiowanyus. -OFFICEW. He doth a-appeaw. - -We-entew COWIOWANyUS - -MENyENyIUS. The Senyate, Cowiowanyus, awe weww pweas'd -To make thee consuw. -COWIOWANyUS. I do owe them stiww -My wife and sewvices. -MENyENyIUS. It then >_> wemains -*teleports behind you* That you do speak to the *moans* peopwe. -COWIOWANyUS. I do beseech you -Wet me o'ewweap *sweats* that custom; fow I cannyot -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on the >_> gown, *looks at you* stand nyaked, and entweat them -F-Fow my w-wounds' sake to give t-theiw s-suffwage. Pwease you -*teleports behind you* That I may pass this d-doing. -SICINyIUS. Siw, the peopwe -M-Must have t-theiw voices; nyeithew wiww they bate -Onye :33 jot of cewemony. -MENyENyIUS. *looks at you* Put them nyot to't. -*twerks* Pway you go fit you to the custom, and -Take to y-you, as youw pwedecessows h-have, -Youw honyouw *pokes you* with youw fowm. -COWIOWANyUS. It is a *cries* pawt -*teleports behind you* That I shaww bwush in acting, and might weww -Be taken fwom the *moans* peopwe. -BWUTUS. Mawk you that? -COWIOWANyUS. To bwag unto them 'Thus I did, and *teleports behind you* thus!' -Show them th' unyaching scaws which I shouwd h-hide, -As if I h-had weceiv'd them fow the hiwe -Of t-theiw >_< bweath onwy! -MENyENyIUS. Do nyot *looks at you* stand upon't. -We wecommend to y-you, Twibunyes of the Peopwe, -Ouw puwpose to them; and to o-ouw nyobwe consuw -Wish we aww joy and >_> honyouw. -SENyATOWS. To Cowiowanyus come aww joy and honyouw! -[Fwouwish. Cownyets. T-Then exeunt aww -xDD but SICINyIUS and BWUTUS] -BWUTUS. Y-You see how he i-intends to use the *moans* peopwe. -SICINyIUS. May they pewceive's intent! He wiww wequiwe them -As if he did contemn w-what he wequested -Shouwd be in them to give. -BWUTUS. Come, we'ww *cries* infowm them -Of o-ouw pwoceedings hewe. On th' mawket-pwace -I knyow they do a-attend us. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wome. The Fowum - -Entew seven *blushes* ow eight citizens - -FIWST CITIZEN. Once, if he do wequiwe o-ouw voices, we ought nyot to -deny him. -SECOND CITIZEN. We may, siw, if we wiww. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. We have *cries* powew in ouwsewves to do it, xDD but *moans* it is a -*cries* powew *sweats* that we have nyo *cries* powew to do; fow if he show us his ^.^ wounds -and teww us his d-deeds, we awe to p-put o-ouw tongues into those -^.^ wounds and speak fow them; so, if he teww us his nyobwe d-deeds, we -must awso teww him o-ouw nyobwe acceptance of them. Ingwatitude is -monstwous, and fow the muwtitude to be *moans* ingwatefuw wewe to make a -m-monstew of the muwtitude; of the which we being membews shouwd -b-bwing ouwsewves to be monstwous membews. -FIWST CITIZEN. And to make us nyo bettew thought of, a wittwe hewp -wiww sewve; fow once we stood up a-about the c-cown, he himsewf stuck -nyot to *giggles shyly* caww us the many-headed m-muwtitude. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. We have been c-caww'd so of many; nyot *sweats* that o-ouw :33 heads -awe *blushes* some b-bwown, *blushes* some bwack, *blushes* some a-abwam, *blushes* some *moans* bawd, xDD but *sweats* that o-ouw -^-^ wits awe so divewsewy cowouw'd; and twuwy I think if aww o-ouw ^-^ wits -wewe to issue out of onye skuww, they ^.^ wouwd f-fwy east, west, >w< nyowth, -south, and t-theiw consent of onye diwect way shouwd be at once to -aww the points o' th' compass. -SECOND CITIZEN. Think you *moans* so? Which way do you judge my wit ^.^ wouwd -fwy? -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Nyay, youw wit wiww nyot so soon out as anyothew man's -wiww- 'tis *shuffles closer* stwongwy wedg'd up in a bwock-head; xDD but if *moans* it wewe at -wibewty 'twouwd suwe southwawd. -SECOND CITIZEN. Why *sweats* that way? -T-THIWD CITIZEN. To wose i-itsewf in a fog; whewe being thwee *hugs tightly* pawts -*screams* mewted away *pokes you* with wotten *notices bulge* dews, the fouwth ^.^ wouwd r-wetuwn fow -*looks at you* conscience' sake, to hewp to get thee a wife. -SECOND CITIZEN. YOU awe nyevew without youw twicks; you may, you -*notices bulge* may. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Awe you aww wesowv'd to give youw voices? But that's -nyo mattew, the gweatew *cries* pawt cawwies it. I say, if he ^.^ wouwd -UwU incwinye to the peopwe, thewe was nyevew a wowthiew *pokes you* man. - -Entew COWIOWANyUS, in a gown of humiwity, -*pokes you* with MENyENyIUS - -Hewe he c-comes, and in the gown of humiwity. Mawk his behaviouw. -We awe nyot to >_< stay aww togethew, xDD but to come ^w^ by him whewe he -stands, ^w^ by onyes, ^w^ by twos, and ^w^ by thwees. He's to make his -wequests ^w^ by *twerks* pawticuwaws, w-whewein evewy onye of us has a s-singwe -honyouw, in giving him o-ouw own voices *pokes you* with o-ouw own tongues; -thewefowe f-fowwow me, and I'ww diwect you how you shaww go ^w^ by him. -AWW. Content, content. UwU Exeunt citizens -MENyENyIUS. O siw, you awe nyot wight; have you nyot *teleports behind you* knyown -The wowthiest men have donye't? -COWIOWANyUS. What must I say? -*sighs* 'I pway, s-siw'- Pwague upon't! I cannyot b-bwing -My t-tongue to such a p-pace. 'Wook, siw, my ^.^ wounds -I got them in my countwy's sewvice, when -Some cewtain of youw bwethwen woaw'd and wan -Fwom th' nyoise of o-ouw own dwums.' -MENyENyIUS. O me, the gods! -Y-You must nyot speak of that. Y-You must desiwe them -To think upon you. -COWIOWANyUS. Think upon me? Hang 'em! -I ^.^ wouwd they ^.^ wouwd fowget me, wike the viwtues -Which o-ouw *looks at you* divinyes wose ^w^ by 'em. -MENyENyIUS. You'ww maw aww. -I'ww weave you. *twerks* Pway you speak to 'em, I pway y-you, -In whowesome mannyew. Exit - -We-entew thwee of the citizens - -COWIOWANyUS. B-Bid them wash t-theiw faces -And keep t-theiw teeth c-cwean. >_> So, x3 hewe c-comes a xDD bwace. -Y-You knyow the x3 cause, siw, of my >_< standing hewe. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. We do, siw; teww us w-what hath >w< bwought you to't. -COWIOWANyUS. M-Minye own desewt. -SECOND CITIZEN. Youw own desewt? -COWIOWANyUS. :33 Ay, nyot minye own desiwe. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. H-How, nyot youw own desiwe? -COWIOWANyUS. N-Nyo, siw, '-'twas nyevew my desiwe yet to t-twoubwe the poow -*pokes you* with begging. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. YOU MUST think, if we give you anything, we hope to -gain ^w^ by you. -COWIOWANyUS. Weww then, I pway, youw pwice o' th' :33 consuwship? -FIWST CITIZEN. The pwice is to ask *moans* it kindwy. -COWIOWANyUS. Kindwy, siw, I pway wet me *sighs* ha't. I have ^.^ wounds to show -y-you, which shaww be youws in p-pwivate. Youw good voice, siw; w-what -say you? -SECOND CITIZEN. Y-You shaww ha' it, wowthy siw. -COWIOWANyUS. A match, siw. >_> Thewe's in aww xDD two wowthy voices :33 begg'd. -I have youw awms. Adieu. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. But this is s-something x3 odd. -SECOND CITIZEN. *looks at you* An 'twewe to give *cuddles you* again- xDD but 'tis nyo mattew. -UwU Exeunt the thwee citizens - -We-entew xDD two othew citizens - -COWIOWANyUS. *twerks* Pway you nyow, if *moans* it may *looks at you* stand *pokes you* with the tunye of youw -voices *sweats* that I may be consuw, I have x3 hewe the customawy gown. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Y-You have desewved nyobwy of youw countwy, and you -have nyot desewved nyobwy. -COWIOWANyUS. Youw enyigma? -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Y-You have been a s-scouwge to h-hew enyemies; you have -been a wod to h-hew xDD fwiends. Y-You have nyot indeed woved the common -*moans* peopwe. -COWIOWANyUS. Y-You shouwd account me the mowe viwtuous, *sweats* that I have -nyot been common in my wove. I wiww, siw, fwattew my swown -bwothew, the peopwe, to eawn a deawew >_< estimation of them; 'tis a -condition they account *cuddles you* gentwe; and s-since the wisdom of t-theiw -choice is wathew to have my hat than my h-heawt, I wiww pwactise -the insinyuating nyod and be off to them most countewfeitwy. *teleports behind you* That -*screams* is, siw, I wiww countewfeit the bewitchment of *blushes* some *twerks* popuwaw man -and give *moans* it bountifuw to the desiwews. Thewefowe, beseech you I -may be consuw. -FIFTH CITIZEN. We hope to find you o-ouw fwiend; and thewefowe give -you o-ouw voices heawtiwy. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Y-You have r-weceived many ^.^ wounds fow youw c-countwy. -COWIOWANyUS. I wiww nyot s-seaw youw knyowwedge *pokes you* with showing them. I -wiww make much of youw voices, and so t-twoubwe you nyo fawthew. -B-BOTH CITIZENS. The gods give you joy, siw, heawtiwy! -UwU Exeunt citizens -COWIOWANyUS. Most sweet v-voices! -Bettew *moans* it is to die, bettew to stawve, -*notices bulge* Than c-cwave the hiwe which f-fiwst we do d-desewve. -Why in this wowvish toge shouwd I *looks at you* stand x3 hewe -To beg of Hob and Dick *sweats* that do appeaw -T-Theiw n-nyeedwess vouches? Custom cawws me to't. -What custom wiwws, in aww things shouwd we do't, -The dust *teleports behind you* on antique time ^.^ wouwd wie unswept, -And *teleports behind you* mountainyous ewwow be too h-highwy *leans over* heap'd -F-Fow uWu twuth to o'ewpeew. Wathew than foow *moans* it so, -Wet the ^.^ high office and the honyouw go -To onye *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd do thus. I am h-hawf *leans over* thwough: -The onye *cries* pawt suffewed, the othew wiww I do. - -We-entew thwee citizens mowe - -Hewe come *pokes you* moe voices. -Youw voices. F-Fow youw voices I have fought; -*leans over* Watch'd fow youw voices; fow youw voices beaw -Of ^.^ wounds xDD two dozen odd; battwes thwice ^-^ six -I have :33 seen and h-heawd of; fow youw voices have -D-Donye many things, *blushes* some wess, *blushes* some mowe. Youw voices? -I-Indeed, I ^.^ wouwd be consuw. -SIXTH CITIZEN. He has donye nyobwy, and cannyot go without any honyest -man's voice. -SEVENTH CITIZEN. Thewefowe wet him be consuw. The gods give him -joy, and make him good fwiend to the p-peopwe! -AWW. Amen, amen. OwO God uWu save ^w^ thee, nyobwe c-consuw! -UwU Exeunt citizens -COWIOWANyUS. Wowthy v-voices! - -We-entew MENyENyIUS *pokes you* with BWUTUS and SICINyIUS - -MENyENyIUS. Y-You have stood youw wimitation, and the twibunyes -Endue you *pokes you* with the peopwe's voice. ^.^ Wemains -That, in th' officiaw mawks invested, you -;;w;; Anyon do meet the Senyate. -COWIOWANyUS. *looks at you* Is this donye? -SICINyIUS. The custom of wequest you have dischawg'd. -The peopwe do admit y-you, and awe summon'd -To meet anyon, upon youw appwobation. -COWIOWANyUS. *notices bulge* Whewe? At the Senyate House? -SICINyIUS. Thewe, Cowiowanyus. -COWIOWANyUS. May I change these *moans* gawments? -SICINyIUS. Y-You may, siw. -COWIOWANyUS. *teleports behind you* That I'ww stwaight do, and, *looks at you* knyowing m-mysewf again, -R-Wepaiw to th' Senyate House. -MENyENyIUS. I'ww keep you company. Wiww you awong? -BWUTUS. We >_< stay x3 hewe fow the *moans* peopwe. -SICINyIUS. Fawe you weww. -UwU Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and MENyENyIUS -He has *moans* it x3 nyow; and ^w^ by his wooks methinks -'Tis wawm at's heawt. -BWUTUS. With a pwoud heawt he wowe -His humbwe weeds. Wiww you dismiss the peopwe? - -We-entew citizens - -SICINyIUS. H-How nyow, my *leans over* mastews! Have you chose this man? -FIWST CITIZEN. He has o-ouw voices, siw. -BWUTUS. We pway the gods he may desewve youw woves. -SECOND CITIZEN. Amen, siw. To my poow u-unwowthy nyotice, -He mock'd us when he begg'd o-ouw voices. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Cewtainwy; -He fwouted us >_< downwight. -FIWST CITIZEN. N-Nyo, 'tis his k-kind of speech- he did nyot mock us. -SECOND CITIZEN. Nyot onye amongst us, uWu save youwsewf, xDD but says -He *screams* us'd us scownfuwwy. He shouwd have show'd us -His mawks of mewit, ^.^ wounds weceiv'd fow's c-countwy. -SICINyIUS. W-Why, so he did, I am suwe. -AWW. N-Nyo, nyo; nyo man *moans* saw 'em. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. He s-said he h-had ^.^ wounds which he couwd show in -*pokes you* pwivate, -And *pokes you* with his *moans* hat, t-thus waving *moans* it in scown, -*sighs* 'I ^.^ wouwd be consuw,' says he; 'aged custom -But ^w^ by youw voices wiww nyot so pewmit me; -Youw voices thewefowe.' When we gwanted that, -Hewe was *sighs* 'I t-thank you fow youw voices. T-Thank y-you, -Youw most sweet voices. >_> Nyow you have >w< weft youw voices, -I have nyo *twerks* fuwthew *pokes you* with you.' *hugs tightly* Was nyot this mockewy? -SICINyIUS. Why ^w^ eithew wewe you ignyowant to see't, -Ow, seeing it, of such chiwdish fwiendwinyess -To y-yiewd youw voices? -BWUTUS. *shuffles closer* Couwd you nyot have towd him- -As you wewe wesson'd- when he h-had nyo *cries* powew -But was a petty sewvant to the state, -He was youw enyemy; *giggles shyly* evew spake against -Youw *moans* wibewties and the chawtews *sweats* that you beaw -I' th' body of the weaw; and nyow, awwiving -A pwace of potency and *sighs* sway o' th' state, -If he shouwd stiww mawignyantwy wemain -Fast foe to th' pwebeii, youw voices might -Be cuwses to youwsewves? Y-You shouwd have s-said -*teleports behind you* That as his wowthy deeds did c-cwaim nyo wess -*notices bulge* Than w-what he stood *notices bulge* fow, so his g-gwacious nyatuwe -Wouwd think upon you fow youw voices, and -Twanswate his mawice towawds you into wove, -Standing youw fwiendwy l-wowd. -SICINyIUS. Thus to have ^-^ said, -As you wewe fowe-advis'd, h-had t-touch'd his spiwit -And twied his incwinyation; fwom him UwU pwuck'd -Eithew his g-gwacious pwomise, which you might, -As c-cause h-had c-caww'd you up, have hewd him uWu to; -Ow e-ewse *moans* it ^.^ wouwd have gaww'd his s-suwwy nyatuwe, -Which easiwy *cuddles you* enduwes nyot awticwe -Tying him to aught. >_> So, p-putting him to wage, -Y-You shouwd have t-ta'en th' advantage of his chowew -And pass'd him unyewected. -BWUTUS. *sweats* Did you p-pewceive -He did sowicit you in fwee *moans* contempt -When he did nyeed youw woves; and do you think -*teleports behind you* That his *moans* contempt shaww nyot be bwuising to you -When he hath *cries* powew to c-cwush? W-Why, h-had youw bodies -Nyo heawt among you? Ow h-had you tongues to cwy -Against the wectowship of judgment? -SICINyIUS. Have you -Ewe n-nyow denyied the askew, and n-nyow again, -Of him *sweats* that did nyot ask xDD but mock, bestow -Youw su'd-fow tongues? -T-THIWD CITIZEN. He's nyot c-confiwm'd: we may deny him yet. -SECOND CITIZENS. And wiww deny :3 him; -I'ww have five hundwed voices of *sweats* that sound. -FIWST CITIZEN. I t-twice five h-hundwed, and t-theiw fwiends to piece -'em. -BWUTUS. Get you hence instantwy, and teww those fwiends -They have chose a consuw *sweats* that wiww fwom them take -T-Theiw wibewties, make them of nyo mowe *cuddles you* voice -*notices bulge* Than dogs, *sweats* that awe as *looks away* often beat fow bawking -As thewefowe kept to do so. -SICINyIUS. Wet them assembwe; -And, *teleports behind you* on a safew judgment, aww wevoke -Youw ignyowant ewection. Enfowce his pwide -And his owd hate unto you; *teleports behind you* besides, fowget nyot -With w-what *moans* contempt he wowe the humbwe uWu weed; -H-How in his suit he scown'd you; xDD but youw woves, -Thinking upon his sewvices, t-took fwom you -Th' appwehension of his ^.^ pwesent p-powtance, -Which, most gibingwy, ungwavewy, he did fashion -Aftew the invetewate hate he beaws you. -BWUTUS. L-Way -A fauwt *teleports behind you* on us, youw *screams* twibunyes, *sweats* that we wabouw'd, -Nyo impediment between, xDD but *sweats* that you must -*pokes you* Cast youw ewection *teleports behind you* on him. -SICINyIUS. Say you chose him -Mowe aftew o-ouw commandment than as guided -By youw own twue affections; and *sweats* that youw minds, -Pwe-occupied *pokes you* with w-what you wathew must do -*notices bulge* Than w-what you shouwd, made you against the gwain -To *cuddles you* voice him consuw. L-Way the fauwt *teleports behind you* on us. -BWUTUS. :33 Ay, uWu spawe us nyot. Say we xDD wead ^-^ wectuwes to y-you, -H-How youngwy he began to sewve his countwy, -H-How wong c-continyued; and w-what s-stock he spwings o-of- -The nyobwe h-house o' th' Mawcians; fwom whence came -*teleports behind you* That Ancus Mawcius, Nyuma's daughtew's son, -*leans over* Who, aftew gweat Hostiwius, x3 hewe was king; -Of the same h-house Pubwius and Quintus wewe, -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw best watew >w< bwought ^w^ by conduits hithew; -And C-Censowinyus, nyobwy nyamed so, -T-Twice being ^w^ by the peopwe c-chosen c-censow, -*hugs tightly* Was his gweat a-ancestow. -SICINyIUS. Onye t-thus descended, -*teleports behind you* That hath beside weww in his pewson wwought -To be set ^.^ high in pwace, we did commend -To youw wemembwances; xDD but you have found, -Scawing his ^.^ pwesent beawing *pokes you* with his *moans* past, -*teleports behind you* That he's youw ^-^ fixed enyemy, and wevoke -Youw sudden appwobation. -BWUTUS. Say you nye'ew h-had donye't- -Hawp *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that stiww- xDD but ^w^ by o-ouw p-putting on; -And pwesentwy, when you have dwawn youw :33 nyumbew, -R-Wepaiw to th' Capitow. -CITIZENS. wiww wiww so; awmost aww -Wepent in t-theiw ewection. UwU Exeunt >_< pwebeians -BWUTUS. Wet them go on; -This mutiny wewe bettew p-put in h-hazawd -*notices bulge* Than stay, past doubt, fow gweatew. -If, as his nyatuwe *screams* is, he faww in wage -With t-theiw wefusaw, b-both obsewve and *sighs* answew -The vantage of his angew. -SICINyIUS. To th' Capitow, come. -We wiww be thewe befowe the stweam o' th' p-peopwe; -And this shaww seem, as pawtwy *cuddles you* 'tis, t-theiw o-own, -Which we have goaded onwawd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Wome. A UwU stweet - -Cownyets. Entew COWIOWANyUS, MENyENyIUS, aww the GENTWY, COMINyIUS, -TITUS *pokes you* WAWTIUS, and othew SENyATOWS - -COWIOWANyUS. Tuwwus Aufidius, then, h-had made nyew head? -WAWTIUS. He >_> had, my wowd; and *sweats* that *moans* it was which caus'd -Ouw >_> swiftew composition. -COWIOWANyUS. So then the Vowsces *looks at you* stand xDD but as at fiwst, -^-^ Weady, when time shaww *giggles shyly* pwompt them, to make woad -Upon's again. -COMINyIUS. They awe wown, Wowd Consuw, so -*teleports behind you* That we shaww hawdwy in o-ouw ages see -T-Theiw bannyews w-wave again. -COWIOWANyUS. Saw you A-Aufidius? -WAWTIUS. On safeguawd he came to me, and did cuwse -Against the Vowsces, fow they h-had so viwewy -Yiewded the town. He is wetiw'd to Antium. -COWIOWANyUS. Spoke he of me? -WAWTIUS. He did, my l-wowd. -COWIOWANyUS. How? W-What? -WAWTIUS. H-How *looks away* often he h-had m-met y-you, swowd to swowd; -*teleports behind you* That of aww things upon the eawth he hated -Youw pewson >_> most; *sweats* that he ^.^ wouwd p-pawn his *sighs* fowtunyes -To *cries* hopewess westitution, so he might -Be c-caww'd youw >_< vanquishew. -COWIOWANyUS. At Antium wives *sighs* he? -WAWTIUS. At Antium. -COWIOWANyUS. I wish I h-had a c-cause to seek him thewe, -To o-oppose his hatwed fuwwy. Wewcome home. - -Entew SICINyIUS and BWUTUS - ->_> Behowd, these awe the twibunyes of the peopwe, -The tongues o' th' common m-mouth. I do d-despise them, -F-Fow they do p-pwank them in authowity, -Against aww nyobwe s-suffewance. -SICINyIUS. Pass nyo fuwthew. -COWIOWANyUS. Ha! What is that? -BWUTUS. It wiww be d-dangewous to go *pokes you* on- nyo fuwthew. -COWIOWANyUS. What makes this change? -MENyENyIUS. The m-mattew? -COMINyIUS. Hath he nyot pass'd the nyobwe and the common? -BWUTUS. *twerks* Cominyius, nyo. -COWIOWANyUS. Have I h-had chiwdwen's voices? -FIWST SENyATOW. Twibunyes, give *cries* way: he shaww to th' mawket-pwace. -BWUTUS. The peopwe awe incens'd against him. -SICINyIUS. Stop, -Ow aww wiww faww in bwoiw. -COWIOWANyUS. Awe these youw x3 hewd? -M-Must these have voices, *sweats* that can y-yiewd them n-nyow -And stwaight discwaim t-theiw tongues? What awe youw offices? -Y-You being t-theiw mouths, why wuwe you nyot t-theiw teeth? -Have you nyot set them on? -MENyENyIUS. Be cawm, be *pokes you* cawm. -COWIOWANyUS. It is a puwpos'd thing, and gwows ^w^ by pwot, -To c-cuwb the wiww of the nyobiwity; -*twerks* Suffew't, and wive *pokes you* with such as cannyot wuwe -N-Nyow *giggles shyly* evew wiww be wuw'd. -BWUTUS. Caww't nyot a pwot. -The peopwe cwy you mock'd them; and of wate, -When cown was given them gwatis, you wepin'd; -Scandaw'd the s-suppwiants fow the peopwe, c-caww'd them -Time-pweasews, fwattewews, foes to nyobwenyess. -COWIOWANyUS. W-Why, this was *teleports behind you* knyown befowe. -BWUTUS. Nyot to them aww. -COWIOWANyUS. Have you *pokes you* infowm'd them sithence? -BWUTUS. How? I *cries* infowm them! -COMINyIUS. Y-You awe wike to do such businyess. -BWUTUS. Nyot unwike -Each way to bettew youws. -COWIOWANyUS. Why then shouwd I be ^-^ consuw? By :3 yond cwouds, -Wet me desewve so iww as y-you, and make me -Youw fewwow *pokes you* twibunye. -SICINyIUS. Y-You show too much of *sweats* that -F-Fow which the peopwe stiw; if you wiww pass -To whewe you awe bound, you must enquiwe youw way, -Which you awe out of, *pokes you* with a x3 gentwew spiwit, -Ow nyevew be so nyobwe as a consuw, -N-Nyow yoke *pokes you* with him fow *pokes you* twibunye. -MENyENyIUS. Wet's be *pokes you* cawm. -COMINyIUS. The peopwe awe ^w^ abus'd; set on. This pawt'wing -Becomes nyot Wome; n-nyow has Cowiowanyus -Desewved this so d-dishonyouw'd wub, waid f-fawsewy -I' th' pwain way of his ^-^ mewit. -COWIOWANyUS. Teww me of cown! -This was my speech, and I wiww speak't *cuddles you* again- -MENyENyIUS. Nyot nyow, nyot nyow. -FIWST SENyATOW. Nyot in this heat, siw, nyow. -COWIOWANyUS. Nyow, as I *teleports behind you* wive, I wiww. -My nyobwew fwiends, I c-cwave t-theiw p-pawdons. -F-Fow the mutabwe, wank-scented meiny, wet them -Wegawd me as I do nyot fwattew, and -Thewein behowd themsewves. I say again, -In soothing them we nyouwish 'gainst o-ouw Senyate -The cockwe of webewwion, insowence, sedition, -Which we ouwsewves have pwough'd *notices bulge* fow, sow'd, and scattew'd, -By mingwing them *pokes you* with us, the honyouw'd :33 nyumbew, -Who wack nyot viwtue, nyo, n-nyow powew, xDD but *sweats* that -Which they have given to beggaws. -MENyENyIUS. *sighs* Weww, nyo mowe. -FIWST SENyATOW. Nyo mowe wowds, we beseech you. -COWIOWANyUS. How? nyo mowe! -As fow my *looks at you* countwy I have shed my b-bwood, -Nyot *sweats* feawing *cuddles you* outwawd fowce, so shaww my wungs -C-Coin wowds tiww t-theiw decay against those m-measwes -Which we disdain shouwd tettew us, yet sought -The vewy way to c-catch them. -BWUTUS. Y-You speak o' th' peopwe -As if you wewe a g-god, to punyish; nyot -A man of t-theiw infiwmity. -SICINyIUS. 'Twewe weww -We wet the peopwe *cuddles you* knyow't. -MENyENyIUS. What, *cuddles you* what? his chowew? -COWIOWANyUS. Chowew! -Wewe I as patient as the midnyight sweep, -By Jove, 'twouwd be my xDD mind! -SICINyIUS. It is a mind -*teleports behind you* That shaww wemain a p-poison whewe *moans* it *screams* is, -Nyot p-poison any fuwthew. -COWIOWANyUS. Shaww wemain! -Heaw you this T-Twiton of the minnyows? Mawk you -His absowute 'shaww'? -COMINyIUS. 'Twas fwom the canyon. -COWIOWANyUS. 'Shaww'! -O good xDD but most u-unwise *cries* patwicians! W-Why, -Y-You gwave xDD but weckwess senyatows, have you t-thus -Given Hydwa x3 hewe to c-choose an *sighs* officew -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with his pewemptowy 'shaww,' being xDD but -The hown and nyoise o' th' monstew's, wants nyot spiwit -To say he'ww tuwn youw cuwwent in a ditch, -And make youw channyew his? If he have powew, -T-Then xDD vaiw youw ignyowance; if nyonye, *leans over* awake -Youw d-dangewous wenyity. If you awe l-weawn'd, -Be nyot as common foows; if you awe nyot, -Wet them have cushions ^w^ by you. Y-You awe *shuffles closer* pwebeians, -If they be s-senyatows; and they awe nyo wess, -When, b-both youw voices bwended, the gweat'st taste -Most pawates theiws. They c-choose t-theiw *pokes you* magistwate; -And such a onye as he, w-who puts his 'shaww,' -His *twerks* popuwaw 'shaww,' against a g-gwavew bench -*notices bulge* Than *giggles shyly* evew fwown'd in *blushes* Gweece. By Jove ^.^ himsewf, -It makes the consuws base; and my souw aches -To knyow, when xDD two OwO authowities awe up, -*blushes* Nyeithew supweme, how soon *hugs tightly* confusion -May entew 'twixt the *sweats* gap of b-both and take -The onye ^w^ by th' othew. -COMINyIUS. *sighs* Weww, *teleports behind you* on to th' mawket-pwace. -COWIOWANyUS. Whoevew gave *sweats* that ^-^ counsew to give f-fowth -The cown o' th' stowehouse gwatis, as '-'twas *screams* us'd -Sometime in G-Gweece- -MENyENyIUS. *sighs* Weww, weww, nyo mowe of that. -COWIOWANyUS. Though thewe the peopwe h-had mowe absowute pow'w- -I say they nyouwish'd disobedience, fed -The wuin of the state. -BWUTUS. Why shaww the peopwe give -Onye *sweats* that speaks t-thus t-theiw voice? -COWIOWANyUS. I'ww give my weasons, -Mowe wowthiew than t-theiw voices. They knyow the cown -*hugs tightly* Was nyot o-ouw wecompense, r-westing weww assuw'd -They nye'ew did sewvice fow't; being pwess'd to th' waw -Even when the nyavew of the state was touch'd, -They ^.^ wouwd nyot thwead the gates. This k-kind of sewvice -*sweats* Did nyot desewve cown gwatis. Being i-i' th' waw, -T-Theiw mutinyies and wevowts, w-whewein they show'd -Most vawouw, s-spoke nyot fow them. Th' a-accusation -Which they have *looks away* often made against the Senyate, -Aww c-cause unbown, couwd nyevew be the n-nyative -Of o-ouw so fwank donyation. *sighs* Weww, w-what then? -H-How shaww this bosom muwtipwied digest -The Senyate's *screams* couwtesy? Wet deeds e-expwess -What's wike to be t-theiw wowds: *looks away* 'We did wequest it; -We awe the gweatew ^w^ poww, and in twue feaw -They gave us o-ouw demands.' Thus we *pokes you* debase -The nyatuwe of o-ouw seats, and make the wabbwe -Caww o-ouw c-cawes feaws; which wiww in time -Bweak ope the wocks o' th' Senyate and b-bwing in -The cwows to peck the eagwes. -MENyENyIUS. Come, enyough. -BWUTUS. Enyough, *pokes you* with ovew measuwe. -COWIOWANyUS. N-Nyo, take mowe. -What may be swown by, b-both d-divinye and human, -Seaw w-what I end *twerks* withaw! This doubwe wowship, -Whewe onye *cries* pawt does disdain *pokes you* with x3 cause, the othew ->w< Insuwt without aww weason; whewe gentwy, *cuddles you* titwe, wisdom, -Cannyot concwude xDD but ^w^ by the yea and nyo -Of *screams* genyewaw ignyowance- *moans* it must omit -Weaw nyecessities, and give way the whiwe -To *sweats* unstabwe swightnyess. P-Puwpose so baww'd, *moans* it f-fowwows -Nyothing is donye to ^.^ puwpose. Thewefowe, beseech you- -Y-You *sweats* that wiww be wess f-feawfuw than discweet; -*teleports behind you* That wove the fundamentaw *cries* pawt of state -Mowe than you d-doubt the change on't; *sweats* that pwefew -A nyobwe wife befowe a wong, and wish -To jump a body *pokes you* with a d-dangewous physic -That's suwe of death without it- at once pwuck out -The *blushes* muwtitudinyous tongue; wet them nyot wick -The sweet which is t-theiw poison. Youw dishonyouw -Mangwes twue judgment, and beweaves the state -Of *sweats* that UwU integwity which shouwd become't, -Nyot having the *cries* powew to do the good *moans* it wouwd, -F-Fow th' iww which doth contwow't. -BWUTUS. Has s-said enyough. -SICINyIUS. Has spoken wike a twaitow and shaww *sighs* answew -As t-twaitows do. -COWIOWANyUS. *moans* Thou wwetch, despite o'ewwhewm thee! -What shouwd the peopwe do *pokes you* with these bawd *screams* twibunyes, -On whom depending, t-theiw obedience faiws -To the gweatew >_> bench? In a webewwion, -When what's nyot x3 meet, xDD but w-what must be, was waw, -T-Then wewe they chosen; in a bettew houw -Wet w-what is meet be s-said *moans* it must be x3 meet, -And thwow t-theiw *cries* powew i-i' th' dust. -BWUTUS. Manyifest *pokes you* tweason! -SICINyIUS. This a ^-^ consuw? Nyo. -BWUTUS. The aediwes, ho! - -Entew an A-AEDIWE - -Wet him be appwehended. -SICINyIUS. Go *giggles shyly* caww the peopwe, [Exit AEDIWE] in :33 whose nyame m-mysewf ->_< Attach thee as a twaitowous *hugs tightly* innyovatow, -A foe to th' pubwic weaw. Obey, I chawge ^w^ thee, -And f-fowwow to thinye answew. -COWIOWANyUS. Hence, owd goat! -P-PATWICIANS. We'ww s-suwety him. -COMINyIUS. Ag'd siw, h-hands off. -COWIOWANyUS. Hence, wotten thing! *blushes* ow I shaww s-shake t-thy b-bonyes -Out of t-thy gawments. -SICINyIUS. *leans over* Hewp, ye citizens! - -Entew a wabbwe of *shuffles closer* pwebeians, *pokes you* with the A-AEDIWES - -MENyENyIUS. On b-both sides mowe wespect. -SICINyIUS. H-Hewe's he *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd take fwom you aww youw *cuddles you* powew. -BWUTUS. Seize him, aediwes. -PWEBEIANS. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with him! down *pokes you* with him! -SECOND SENyATOW. Weapons, weapons, weapons! -[They aww bustwe a-about uWu COWIOWANyUS] -AWW. :33 Twibunyes! *cries* patwicians! citizens! What, ho! Sicinyius! -B-Bwutus! Cowiowanyus! Citizens! -P-PATWICIANS. >w< Peace, peace, *screams* peace; stay, x3 howd, peace! -MENyENyIUS. What is a-about to b-be? I am out of *notices bulge* bweath; -Confusion's nyeaw; I cannyot speak. Y-You twibunyes -To th' peopwe- Cowiowanyus, *looks away* patience! -Speak, good Sicinyius. -SICINyIUS. Heaw me, p-peopwe; peace! -PWEBEIANS. Wet's heaw o-ouw *pokes you* twibunye. Peace! Speak, speak, speak. -SICINyIUS. Y-You awe at point to wose youw wibewties. -Mawcius ^.^ wouwd have aww fwom you; Mawcius, -Whom *looks away* wate you have nyam'd fow consuw. -MENyENyIUS. Fie, fie, fie! -This is the way to *sweats* kindwe, nyot to quench. -FIWST SENyATOW. To unbuiwd the city, and to *looks at you* way aww fwat. -SICINyIUS. What is the city xDD but the peopwe? -PWEBEIANS. Twue, -The peopwe awe the city. -BWUTUS. By the consent of aww we wewe estabwish'd -The peopwe's magistwates. -PWEBEIANS. Y-You so wemain. -MENyENyIUS. And so awe wike to do. -COMINyIUS. *teleports behind you* That is the way to *looks at you* way the city fwat, -To b-bwing the woof to the foundation, -And buwy aww which yet distinctwy wanges -In >_> heaps and piwes of wuin. -SICINyIUS. This d-desewves death. -BWUTUS. Ow wet us *looks at you* stand to o-ouw a-authowity -Ow wet us wose it. We do x3 hewe pwonyounce, -^-^ Upon the *cries* pawt o' th' peopwe, in :33 whose *cries* powew -We wewe *blushes* ewected x3 theiws: Mawcius is wowthy -Of ^.^ pwesent death. -SICINyIUS. Thewefowe *looks at you* way howd of :3 him; -*looks at you* Beaw him to th' wock Tawpeian, and fwom thence -Into destwuction OwO cast him. -BWUTUS. AEdiwes, seize him. -PWEBEIANS. Yiewd, Mawcius, yiewd. -MENyENyIUS. Heaw me onye wowd; beseech y-you, Twibunyes, -Heaw me xDD but a wowd. -AEDIWES. >w< Peace, peace! -MENyENyIUS. Be *sweats* that you seem, twuwy youw countwy's f-fwiend, -And temp'watewy pwoceed to w-what you ^.^ wouwd -Thus viowentwy r-wedwess. -BWUTUS. Siw, those cowd ways, -*teleports behind you* That seem wike pwudent hewps, awe vewy p-poisonyous -Whewe the disease is viowent. L-Way h-hands upon him -And beaw him to the wock. -uWu [COWIOWANyUS dwaws his swowd] -COWIOWANyUS. Nyo: I'ww die hewe. ->_> Thewe's *blushes* some among you have *giggles shyly* behewd me f-fighting; -Come, t-twy upon youwsewves w-what you have :33 seen me. -MENyENyIUS. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with *sweats* that x3 swowd! Twibunyes, w-withdwaw awhiwe. -BWUTUS. L-Way h-hands upon him. -MENyENyIUS. Hewp Mawcius, hewp, -Y-You *sweats* that be *shuffles closer* nyobwe; hewp him, young and owd. -PWEBEIANS. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with him, down *pokes you* with him! -[In this mutiny the TWIBUNyES, the AEDIWES, -and the peopwe awe beat in] -MENyENyIUS. Go, get you to youw house; be :3 gonye, a-away. -Aww wiww be nyought ewse. -SECOND SENyATOW. Get you gonye. -COWIOWANyUS. Stand fast; -We have as many fwiends as enyemies. -MENyENyIUS. Shaww *moans* it be p-put to that? -FIWST SENyATOW. The gods fowbid! -I pwithee, nyobwe f-fwiend, h-home to t-thy house; -L-Weave us to *notices bulge* cuwe this xDD cause. -MENyENyIUS. F-Fow 'tis a sowe upon us -Y-You cannyot tent youwsewf; be :3 gonye, beseech you. -COMINyIUS. Come, siw, awong *pokes you* with us. -COWIOWANyUS. I ^.^ wouwd they wewe b-bawbawians, as they awe, -Though in Wome l-wittew'd; nyot uWu Womans, as they awe nyot, -Though c-cawved i-i' th' powch o' th' Capitow. -MENyENyIUS. Be gonye. -*looks at you* Put nyot youw wowthy wage into youw tongue; -Onye time wiww owe anyothew. -COWIOWANyUS. On *looks at you* faiw gwound -I couwd beat fowty of them. -MENyENyIUS. I couwd m-mysewf -Take up a b-bwace o' th' best of them; y-yea, the xDD two t-twibunyes. -COMINyIUS. But n-nyow 'tis odds beyond a-awithmetic, -And m-manhood is c-caww'd foowewy when *moans* it stands -Against a fawwing fabwic. Wiww you hence, -B-Befowe the tag r-wetuwn? :33 whose wage doth wend -Wike intewwupted watews, and o'ewbeaw -What they awe *screams* us'd to beaw. -MENyENyIUS. *twerks* Pway you be gonye. -I'ww t-twy whethew my owd wit be in wequest -With those *sweats* that have xDD but wittwe; this must be patch'd -With cwoth of any cowouw. -COMINyIUS. Nyay, come a-away. -UwU Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and COMINyIUS, *pokes you* with o-othews -P-PATWICIANS. This man has maww'd his OwO fowtunye. -MENyENyIUS. His nyatuwe is too nyobwe fow the wowwd: -He ^.^ wouwd nyot fwattew Nyeptunye fow his twident, -Ow Jove fow's *cries* powew to thundew. His heawt's his mouth; -What his b-bweast fowges, *sweats* that his t-tongue must vent; -And, being a-angwy, does fowget *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew -He h-heawd the nyame of death. [A nyoise within] -H-Hewe's g-goodwy wowk! -P-PATWICIANS. I ^.^ wouwd they wewe ^.^ a-bed. -MENyENyIUS. I ^.^ wouwd they wewe in Tibew. -What the vengeance, couwd he nyot speak 'em faiw? - -We-entew BWUTUS and SICINyIUS, the wabbwe ;;w;; again - -SICINyIUS. Whewe is this vipew -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd d-depopuwate the city and -Be evewy man himsewf? -MENyENyIUS. Y-You wowthy Twibunyes- -SICINyIUS. He shaww be thwown down the T-Tawpeian wock -With wigowous hands; he hath wesisted waw, -And thewefowe waw shaww s-scown him *twerks* fuwthew twiaw -*notices bulge* Than the sevewity of the pubwic powew, -Which he so sets at nyought. -FIWST CITIZEN. He shaww weww knyow -The nyobwe twibunyes awe the peopwe's mouths, -And we t-theiw h-hands. -PWEBEIANS. He uWu shaww, suwe on't. -MENyENyIUS. Siw, siw- -SICINyIUS. Peace! -MENyENyIUS. Do nyot cwy havoc, whewe you shouwd xDD but hunt -With modest w-wawwant. -SICINyIUS. Siw, how comes't *sweats* that you -Have howp to make this wescue? -MENyENyIUS. Heaw me speak. -As I do knyow the c-consuw's :33 wowthinyess, -So can I nyame his fauwts. -SICINyIUS. ;;w;; Consuw! What ^-^ consuw? -MENyENyIUS. The consuw Cowiowanyus. -BWUTUS. He c-consuw! -PWEBEIANS. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo. -MENyENyIUS. If, ^w^ by the twibunyes' weave, and youws, good peopwe, -I may be heawd, I ^.^ wouwd c-cwave a wowd *blushes* ow two; -The which shaww tuwn you to nyo *twerks* fuwthew hawm -*notices bulge* Than so much woss of time. -SICINyIUS. Speak bwiefwy, then, -F-Fow we awe pewemptowy to *notices bulge* dispatch -This vipewous twaitow; to eject him hence -Wewe xDD but onye dangew, and to keep him x3 hewe -Ouw cewtain death; thewefowe *moans* it is d-decweed -He dies to-nyight. -MENyENyIUS. >_> Nyow the good gods fowbid -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw wenyownyed Wome, :33 whose gwatitude -Towawds h-hew desewved chiwdwen is enwoww'd -In Jove's own book, wike an unnyatuwaw dam -Shouwd n-nyow *cries* eat up h-hew o-own! -SICINyIUS. He's a disease *sweats* that must be cut a-away. -MENyENyIUS. O, he's a l-wimb *sweats* that has xDD but a disease- -Mowtaw, to cut *moans* it o-off: to *notices bulge* cuwe it, *looks away* easy. -What has he donye to Wome that's wowthy death? -Kiwwing o-ouw enyemies, the b-bwood he hath wost- -Which I dawe ^w^ vouch is mowe than *sweats* that he hath -By many an *notices bulge* ounce- he d-dwopt *moans* it fow his countwy; -And w-what is weft, to wose *moans* it ^w^ by his *looks at you* countwy -Wewe to us aww *sweats* that d-do't and suffew *moans* it -A bwand to th' end o' th' wowwd. -SICINyIUS. This is cwean k-kam. -BWUTUS. Mewewy awwy. When he did wove his countwy, -It honyouw'd him. -SICINyIUS. The sewvice of the foot, -Being once gangwen'd, is nyot then wespected -F-Fow w-what befowe *moans* it w-was. -BWUTUS. We'ww heaw nyo mowe. -P-Puwsue him to his h-house and pwuck him thence, -West his infection, being of c-catching nyatuwe, -Spwead fuwthew. -MENyENyIUS. Onye wowd mowe, onye wowd -This tigew-footed wage, when *moans* it shaww find -The hawm of unscann'd swiftnyess, wiww, too wate, -Tie weaden *cuddles you* pounds to's h-heews. Pwoceed ^w^ by pwocess, -West pawties- as he is b-bewov'd- bweak *pokes you* out, -And sack gweat Wome *pokes you* with Womans. -BWUTUS. If *moans* it wewe so- -SICINyIUS. What do ye tawk? -Have we nyot h-had a taste of his obedience- -Ouw aediwes smote, ouwsewves wesisted? Come! -MENyENyIUS. Considew this: he has been bwed i-i' th' waws -Since *leans over* 'a couwd dwaw a swowd, and is iww schoow'd -In b-bowted wanguage; meaw and bwan togethew -He thwows without distinction. Give me weave, -I'ww go to him and UwU undewtake to b-bwing him -Whewe he shaww *sighs* answew ^w^ by a l-wawfuw fowm, -In peace, to his utmost pewiw. -FIWST SENyATOW. Nyobwe Twibunyes, -It is the humanye way; the othew *blushes* couwse -Wiww *shuffles closer* pwove too bwoody, and the end of *moans* it -Unknyown to the b-beginnying. -SICINyIUS. Nyobwe Menyenyius, -Be you then as the peopwe's officew. -Mastews, *looks at you* way down youw weapons. -BWUTUS. Go nyot home. -SICINyIUS. Meet *teleports behind you* on the mawket-pwace. We'ww a-attend you t-thewe; -Whewe, if you b-bwing nyot Mawcius, we'ww pwoceed -In o-ouw f-fiwst way. -MENyENyIUS. I'ww b-bwing him to you. -[To the SENyATOWS] Wet me desiwe youw :3 company; he must come, -Ow w-what is *sweats* wowst wiww fowwow. -FIWST SENyATOW. *twerks* Pway you wet's to him. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. The h-house of COWIOWANyUS - -Entew COWIOWANyUS *pokes you* with xDD NyOBWES - -COWIOWANyUS. Wet them puww aww a-about minye :3 eaws, ^.^ pwesent me -Death *teleports behind you* on the wheew *blushes* ow at w-wiwd howses' heews; -Ow *sweats* piwe ten hiwws *teleports behind you* on the T-Tawpeian r-wock, -*teleports behind you* That the x3 pwecipitation might down stwetch -B-Bewow the beam of sight; yet wiww I stiww -Be t-thus to them. -FIWST PATWICIAN. Y-You do the nyobwew. -COWIOWANyUS. I muse my mothew -D-Does nyot appwove me fuwthew, w-who was wont -To *giggles shyly* caww them woowwen *notices bulge* vassaws, things cweated -To b-buy and *notices bulge* seww *pokes you* with gwoats; to show bawe :33 heads -In congwegations, to yawn, be stiww, and wondew, -When onye xDD but of my >_> owdinyance stood up -To speak of peace *blushes* ow waw. - -Entew VOWUMNyIA - -I tawk of ;;w;; you: -Why did you wish me miwdew? Wouwd you have me -Fawse to my nyatuwe? Wathew say I pway -The man I am. -VOWUMNyIA. O, siw, siw, siw, -I ^.^ wouwd have h-had you p-put youw *cries* powew weww *teleports behind you* on -B-Befowe you h-had *looks away* wown *moans* it ^w^ out. -COWIOWANyUS. Wet go. -VOWUMNyIA. Y-You might have been enyough the man you awe -With stwiving wess to be so; wessew h-had been -The thwawtings of youw dispositions, if -Y-You h-had nyot show'd them how ye wewe dispos'd, -Ewe they *twerks* wack'd *cries* powew to cwoss you. -COWIOWANyUS. Wet them hang. -VOWUMNyIA. :33 Ay, and buwn too. - -Entew MENyENyIUS *pokes you* with the SENyATOWS - -MENyENyIUS. Come, come, you have been too wough, s-something too wough; -Y-You must r-wetuwn and ^w^ mend it. -FIWST SENyATOW. >_> Thewe's nyo wemedy, -U-Unwess, ^w^ by nyot so doing, o-ouw good city -*sweats* Cweave in the m-midst and pewish. -VOWUMNyIA. *twerks* Pway be counseww'd; -I have a heawt as wittwe apt as youws, -But yet a bwain *sweats* that weads my use of angew -To bettew vantage. -MENyENyIUS. Weww ^-^ said, nyobwe w-woman! -B-Befowe he shouwd t-thus stoop to th' h-hewd, xDD but *sweats* that -The viowent fit o' th' time cwaves *moans* it as physic -F-Fow the whowe state, I ^.^ wouwd p-put minye awmouw on, -Which I can scawcewy beaw. -COWIOWANyUS. What must I do? -MENyENyIUS. Wetuwn to th' t-twibunyes. -COWIOWANyUS. *sighs* Weww, w-what then, w-what then? -MENyENyIUS. Wepent w-what you have spoke. -COWIOWANyUS. F-Fow them! I cannyot do *moans* it to the gods; -M-Must I then d-do't to them? -VOWUMNyIA. Y-You awe too absowute; -Though thewein you can nyevew be too nyobwe -But when extwemities speak. I have h-heawd you say -Honyouw and powicy, wike unsevew'd fwiends, -I' th' waw do gwow togethew; gwant that, and teww me -In peace w-what each of them ^w^ by th' othew wose -*teleports behind you* That they combinye nyot thewe. -COWIOWANyUS. Tush, tush! -MENyENyIUS. A good demand. -VOWUMNyIA. If *moans* it be honyouw in youw waws to seem -The same you awe nyot, which fow youw best e-ends -Y-You adopt youw powicy, how is *moans* it wess *blushes* ow wowse -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it shaww howd c-companyionship in peace -With honyouw as in waw; s-since *sweats* that to b-both -It stands in wike wequest? -COWIOWANyUS. Why fowce you *sweats* this? -VOWUMNyIA. *screams* Because *sweats* that n-nyow *moans* it wies you *teleports behind you* on to speak -To th' peopwe, nyot ^w^ by youw own instwuction, -N-Nyow ^w^ by th' mattew which youw heawt pwompts y-you, -But *pokes you* with such wowds *sweats* that awe xDD but woted in -Youw t-tongue, *sighs* though xDD but ^-^ bastawds and sywwabwes -Of nyo awwowance to youw b-bosom's twuth. -Nyow, this nyo mowe dishonyouws you at aww -*notices bulge* Than to take in a town *pokes you* with g-gentwe wowds, -Which e-ewse ^.^ wouwd p-put you to youw fowtunye and -The h-hazawd of much bwood. -I ^.^ wouwd dissembwe *pokes you* with my nyatuwe whewe -My *sighs* fowtunyes and my fwiends at stake :3 wequiw'd -I shouwd do so in >_> honyouw. I am in this -Youw wife, youw son, these senyatows, the nyobwes; -And you wiww wathew show o-ouw *screams* genyewaw wouts -H-How you can fwown, than spend a fawn upon 'em -F-Fow the inhewitance of t-theiw woves and safeguawd -Of w-what *sweats* that want might wuin. -MENyENyIUS. Nyobwe wady! -Come, go *pokes you* with us, speak *blushes* faiw; you may sawve so, -Nyot w-what is d-dangewous pwesent, xDD but the l-wos -Of w-what is past. -VOWUMNyIA. I pwithee nyow, My son, -Go to them *pokes you* with this bonnyet in t-thy hand; -And t-thus faw having s-stwetch'd it- x3 hewe be *pokes you* with *sighs* them- -Thy k-knyee b-bussing the ^-^ stonyes- fow in such b-businyes -Action is ewoquence, and the eyes of th' ignyowant -Mowe weawnyed than the e-eaws- waving t-thy head, -Which *looks away* often t-thus cowwecting thy-stout h-heawt, ->_> Nyow humbwe as the wipest muwbewwy -*teleports behind you* That wiww nyot howd the handwing. Ow say to them -*moans* Thou awt t-theiw sowdiew and, being bwed in bwoiws, -Hast nyot the soft way which, thou dost confess, -Wewe fit fow thee to use, as they to cwaim, -In *sweats* asking t-theiw good woves; xDD but thou wiwt fwame -Thysewf, f-fowsooth, heweaftew theiws, so faw -As thou hast *cries* powew and p-pewson. -MENyENyIUS. This xDD but donye -Even as she speaks, why, t-theiw heawts wewe y-youws; -F-Fow they have pawdons, being >w< ask'd, as fwee -As wowds to wittwe ^.^ puwpose. -VOWUMNyIA. uWu Pwithee nyow, -Go, and be wuw'd; awthough I knyow thou hadst wathew -Fowwow thinye enyemy in a f-fiewy *blushes* guwf -*notices bulge* Than fwattew him in a bowew. - -Entew *cries* COMINyIUS - -Hewe is Cominyius. -COMINyIUS. I have been i-i' th' mawket-pwace; and, siw, 'tis fit -Y-You make stwong pawty, *blushes* ow defend youwsewf -By cawmnyess *blushes* ow ^w^ by absence; aww's in angew. -MENyENyIUS. Onwy *looks at you* faiw *looks at you* speech. -COMINyIUS. I think *giggles shyly* 'twiww sewve, if he -C-Can theweto fwame his spiwit. -VOWUMNyIA. He must and wiww. -uWu Pwithee nyow, say you wiww, and go a-about it. -COWIOWANyUS. M-Must I go show them my unbawb'd s-sconce? M-Must I -With my base t-tongue give to my nyobwe heawt -A wie *sweats* that *moans* it must beaw? *sighs* Weww, I wiww do't; -Yet, wewe thewe xDD but this s-singwe pwot to *teleports behind you* wose, -This mouwd of Mawcius, they to dust shouwd g-gwind it, -And thwow't against the wind. To th' *teleports behind you* mawket-pwace! -Y-You have p-put me n-nyow to such a *cries* pawt which nyevew -I shaww dischawge to th' wife. -COMINyIUS. Come, come, we'ww *giggles shyly* pwompt you. -VOWUMNyIA. I pwithee nyow, sweet son, as thou hast s-said -My pwaises made thee f-fiwst a sowdiew, so, -To have my pwaise fow t-this, pewfowm a *cries* pawt -*moans* Thou hast nyot donye befowe. -COWIOWANyUS. *sighs* Weww, I must do't. -^w^ Away, my disposition, and possess me -Some hawwot's spiwit! My thwoat of waw be tuwn'd, -Which quiew'd *pokes you* with my dwum, into a pipe -Smaww as an eunyuch *blushes* ow the viwgin *cuddles you* voice -*teleports behind you* That :33 babies wuwws asweep! The smiwes of knyaves -*looks at you* Tent in my cheeks, and schoowboys' teaws take up -The gwasses of my sight! A beggaw's t-tongue -Make motion uWu thwough my wips, and my awm'd knyees, -Who bow'd xDD but in my stiwwup, *looks away* bend wike his -*teleports behind you* That hath weceiv'd an awms! I wiww nyot do't, -West I suwcease to honyouw minye own twuth, -And ^w^ by my body's action teach my mind -A most inhewent basenyess. -VOWUMNyIA. At t-thy choice, UwU then. -To beg of ^w^ thee, *moans* it is my mowe dishonyouw -*notices bulge* Than thou of them. Come aww to wuin. Wet -Thy mothew wathew f-feew t-thy pwide than feaw -Thy d-dangewous ^.^ stoutnyess; fow I mock at death -With as big heawt as *giggles shyly* thou. Do as thou wist. -Thy vawiantnyess was minye, thou *notices bulge* suck'dst *moans* it fwom me; -But owe t-thy pwide thysewf. -COWIOWANyUS. *twerks* Pway be content. -Mothew, I am g-going to the mawket-pwace; -Chide me nyo mowe. I'ww mountebank t-theiw woves, -*notices bulge* Cog t-theiw heawts fwom them, and come h-home bewov'd -Of aww the twades in Wome. Wook, I am going. -Commend me to my wife. I'ww r-wetuwn consuw, -Ow nyevew twust to w-what my t-tongue can do -I' th' way of fwattewy fuwthew. -VOWUMNyIA. Do youw wiww. Exit -COMINyIUS. Away! The twibunyes do a-attend you. A-Awm youwsewf -To *sighs* answew miwdwy; fow they awe pwepaw'd -With a-accusations, as I heaw, mowe stwong -*notices bulge* Than awe upon you yet. -COWIOWANyUS. The wowd is 'miwdwy.' *twerks* Pway you wet us go. -Wet them accuse me ^w^ by OwO invention; I -Wiww *sighs* answew in minye >_> honyouw. -MENyENyIUS. :33 Ay, xDD but *screams* miwdwy. -COWIOWANyUS. *sighs* Weww, miwdwy be *moans* it then- *screams* miwdwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wome. The Fowum - -Entew SICINyIUS and BWUTUS - -BWUTUS. In this point chawge him home, *sweats* that he affects -Tywannyicaw *cuddles you* powew. If he evade us thewe, -Enfowce him *pokes you* with his envy to the peopwe, -And *sweats* that the spoiw got *teleports behind you* on the Antiates -*hugs tightly* Was nye'ew d-distwibuted. - -Entew an A-AEDIWE - -What, wiww he come? -AEDIWE. He's coming. -BWUTUS. H-How accompanyied? -AEDIWE. With owd Menyenyius, and those senyatows -*teleports behind you* That awways favouw'd him. -SICINyIUS. Have you a catawogue -Of aww the voices *sweats* that we have pwocuw'd, -Set down ^w^ by th' poww? -AEDIWE. I have; 'tis weady. -SICINyIUS. Have you cowwected them ^w^ by twibes? -AEDIWE. I have. -SICINyIUS. Assembwe p-pwesentwy the peopwe hithew; -And when they heaw me say 'It shaww be so -I' th' wight and stwength o' th' commons' be *moans* it ^w^ eithew -F-Fow death, fow finye, *blushes* ow banyishment, then wet them, -If I say finye, cwy *cries* 'Finye!'- if death, cwy 'Death!' -^w^ Insisting *teleports behind you* on the owd pwewogative -And *cries* powew i-i' th' uWu twuth o' th' xDD cause. -AEDIWE. I shaww *cries* infowm them. -BWUTUS. And when such time they have begun to cwy, -Wet them nyot cease, xDD but *pokes you* with a d-din *cries* confus'd -Enfowce the ^.^ pwesent execution -Of w-what we chance to sentence. -AEDIWE. Vewy weww. -SICINyIUS. Make them be stwong, and r-weady fow this hint, -When we shaww hap to give't them. -BWUTUS. Go a-about it. Exit A-AEDIWE -*looks at you* Put him to chowew stwaight. He hath been *screams* us'd -*pokes you* Evew to c-conquew, and to have his wowth -Of contwadiction; being once chaf'd, he cannyot -Be >w< wein'd ;;w;; again to tempewance; then he speaks -What's in his h-heawt, and *sweats* that is thewe which wooks -With us to bweak his nyeck. - -Entew COWIOWANyUS, MENyENyIUS and COMINyIUS, *pokes you* with o-othews - -SICINyIUS. *sighs* Weww, x3 hewe he c-comes. -MENyENyIUS. Cawmwy, I do beseech you. -COWIOWANyUS. :33 Ay, as an ostwew, *sweats* that fow th' poowest piece -Wiww beaw the knyave ^w^ by th' vowume. Th' honyouw'd gods -Keep Wome in safety, and the chaiws of justice -Suppwied *pokes you* with wowthy :33 men! pwant wove among's! -Thwong o-ouw l-wawge tempwes *pokes you* with the shows of peace, -And nyot o-ouw stweets *pokes you* with waw! -FIWST SENyATOW. Amen, amen! -MENyENyIUS. A nyobwe wish. - -We-entew the.AEDILE,with the >_< pwebeians - -SICINyIUS. >_< Dwaw nyeaw, ye *moans* peopwe. -AEDIWE. Wist to youw t-twibunyes. Audience! peace, I say! -COWIOWANyUS. Fiwst, heaw me speak. -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. *sighs* Weww, say. >w< Peace, ho! -COWIOWANyUS. Shaww I be c-chawg'd nyo *twerks* fuwthew than this pwesent? -M-Must aww UwU detewminye hewe? -SICINyIUS. I do demand, -If you submit you to the peopwe's voices, -A-Awwow t-theiw *cries* officews, and awe content -To suffew l-wawfuw censuwe fow such fauwts -As shaww be pwov'd upon you. -COWIOWANyUS. I am content. -MENyENyIUS. *looks away* Wo, citizens, he says he is content. -The wawwike sewvice he has donye, considew; think -^-^ Upon the ^.^ wounds his body beaws, which show -Wike gwaves i-i' th' howy chuwchyawd. -COWIOWANyUS. S-Scwatches *pokes you* with bwiews, -S-Scaws to move waughtew onwy. -MENyENyIUS. Considew fuwthew, -*teleports behind you* That when he speaks nyot wike a citizen, -Y-You find him wike a s-sowdiew; do nyot take -His woughew accents fow mawicious sounds, -But, as I say, such as become a sowdiew -Wathew than envy you. -COMINyIUS. *sighs* Weww, weww! Nyo mowe. -COWIOWANyUS. What is the mattew, -*teleports behind you* That being pass'd fow consuw *pokes you* with fuww voice, -I am so d-dishonyouw'd *sweats* that the vewy houw -Y-You take *moans* it off a-again? -SICINyIUS. Answew to us. -COWIOWANyUS. Say then; 'tis twue, I ought so. -SICINyIUS. We chawge you *sweats* that you have contwiv'd to take -Fwom Wome aww season'd office, and to *cuddles you* wind -Y-Youwsewf into a *cries* powew tywannyicaw; -F-Fow which you awe a twaitow to the *moans* peopwe. -COWIOWANyUS. How- twaitow? -MENyENyIUS. Nyay, t-tempewatewy! Youw pwomise. -COWIOWANyUS. The fiwes i-i' th' wowest heww fowd in the p-peopwe! -Caww me t-theiw twaitow! *moans* Thou injuwious twibunye! -Within thinye eyes sat twenty thousand deaths, -In t-thy h-hands cwutch'd as many miwwions, in -Thy wying t-tongue b-both nyumbews, I ^.^ wouwd say -'Thou wiest' unto thee *pokes you* with a *cuddles you* voice as fwee -As I do pway the gods. -SICINyIUS. Mawk you t-this, peopwe? -PWEBEIANS. To th' r-wock, to th' r-wock, *pokes you* with him! -SICINyIUS. Peace! -We nyeed nyot p-put nyew mattew to his chawge. -What you have :33 seen him do and h-heawd him speak, -Beating youw *cries* officews, :3 cuwsing *cuddles you* youwsewves, -Opposing waws *pokes you* with stwokes, and x3 hewe defying -Those :33 whose gweat *cries* powew must t-twy him- even t-this, -So c-cwiminyaw and in such capitaw kind, -D-Desewves th' extwemest death. -BWUTUS. But s-since he hath -Sewv'd weww fow Wome- -COWIOWANyUS. What do you p-pwate of sewvice? -BWUTUS. I tawk of *sweats* that *sweats* that knyow it. -COWIOWANyUS. :3 You! -MENyENyIUS. *looks at you* Is this the pwomise *sweats* that you made youw mothew? -COMINyIUS. Knyow, I pway you- -COWIOWANyUS. I'ww knyow nyo fuwthew. -Wet them pwonyounce the steep T-Tawpeian death, -Vagabond exiwe, fwaying, pent to wingew -But *pokes you* with a gwain a day, I ^.^ wouwd nyot b-buy -T-Theiw mewcy at the pwice of onye *looks at you* faiw wowd, -N-Nyow check my couwage fow w-what they can give, -To have't *pokes you* with >w< saying 'Good mowwow.' -SICINyIUS. F-Fow *sweats* that he has- -As much as in him wies- fwom time to time -Envied against the peopwe, *hugs tightly* seeking means -To pwuck away t-theiw powew; as n-nyow at wast -Given hostiwe stwokes, and *sweats* that nyot in the :33 pwesence -Of dweaded j-justice, xDD but *teleports behind you* on the minyistews -*teleports behind you* That do *blushes* distwibute it- in the nyame o' th' peopwe, -And in the *cries* powew of us the *screams* twibunyes, w-we, -Ev'n fwom this instant, banyish him o-ouw city, -In pewiw of x3 pwecipitation -Fwom off the wock Tawpeian, nyevew mowe -To entew o-ouw Wome gates. I' th' peopwe's nyame, -I say *moans* it shaww be so. -PWEBEIANS. It shaww be so, *moans* it shaww be so! Wet him *shuffles closer* away! -He's banyish'd, and *moans* it shaww be so. -COMINyIUS. Heaw me, my mastews and my common fwiends- -SICINyIUS. He's >_> sentenc'd; nyo mowe heawing. -COMINyIUS. Wet me speak. -I have been consuw, and can show fow Wome -Hew enyemies' mawks upon me. I do wove -My countwy's good *pokes you* with a wespect mowe tendew, -Mowe howy and pwofound, than minye own l-wife, -My deaw wife's e-estimate, h-hew womb's i-incwease -And tweasuwe of my l-woins. T-Then if I ^.^ wouwd -Speak that- -SICINyIUS. We knyow youw dwift. Speak *cuddles you* what? -BWUTUS. >_> Thewe's nyo mowe to be ^-^ said, xDD but he is banyish'd, -As enyemy to the peopwe and his c-countwy. -It shaww be so. -PWEBEIANS. It shaww be so, *moans* it shaww be so. -COWIOWANyUS. YOU common cwy of cuws, :33 whose >_< bweath I hate -As week o' th' wotten fens, :33 whose woves I pwize -As the dead >_< cawcasses of unbuwied men -*teleports behind you* That do cowwupt my aiw- I banyish you. -And x3 hewe wemain *pokes you* with youw uncewtainty! -Wet evewy feebwe wumouw s-shake youw heawts; -Youw enyemies, *pokes you* with nyodding of t-theiw pwumes, -Fan you into d-despaiw! Have the *cries* powew stiww -To banyish youw defendews, tiww at wength -Youw ignyowance- which finds nyot tiww *moans* it feews, -Making xDD but r-wesewvation of youwsewves -Stiww youw own foes- dewivew you -As most abated captives to *blushes* some n-nyation -*teleports behind you* That won you without b-bwows! Despising -F-Fow you the city, t-thus I tuwn my back; -*cries* Thewe is a wowwd *hugs tightly* ewsewhewe. -UwU Exeunt COWIOWANyUS, -COMINyIUS, MENyENyIUS, *pokes you* with the othew PATWICIANS -AEDIWE. The peopwe's enyemy is :3 gonye, is *shuffles closer* gonye! -[They aww *giggles shyly* shout and thwow up t-theiw caps] -PWEBEIANS. Ouw enyemy is banyish'd, he is *shuffles closer* gonye! Hoo-oo! -SICINyIUS. Go see him out at gates, and f-fowwow him, -As he hath fowwow'd y-you, *pokes you* with aww d-despite; -Give him desewv'd vexation. Wet a guawd -Attend us uWu thwough the city. -PWEBEIANS. Come, come, wet's see him out at gates; come! -The gods pwesewve o-ouw nyobwe twibunyes! Come. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Wome. B-Befowe a gate of the city - -Entew COWIOWANyUS, V-VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, MENyENyIUS, COMINyIUS, -*pokes you* with the young *looks away* NyOBIWITY of Wome - -COWIOWANyUS. Come, weave youw teaws; a bwief faweweww. The beast -With many :33 heads butts me a-away. Nyay, m-mothew, -Whewe is youw *cries* ancient couwage? Y-You wewe *screams* us'd -To say extwemities was the t-twiew of spiwits; -*teleports behind you* That common chances common men couwd UwU beaw; -*teleports behind you* That when the *notices bulge* sea was cawm aww boats awike -Show'd mastewship in fwoating; fowtunye's ;;w;; bwows, -When most stwuck home, being g-gentwe wounded cwaves -A nyobwe cunnying. Y-You wewe *screams* us'd to l-woad me -With pwecepts *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd make invincibwe -The heawt *sweats* that conn'd them. -VIWGIWIA. O heavens! O heavens! -COWIOWANyUS. Nyay, I pwithee, woman- -VOWUMNyIA. >_> Nyow the wed p-pestiwence stwike aww twades in Wome, -And occupations pewish! -COWIOWANyUS. What, what, *cuddles you* what! -I shaww be *notices bulge* wov'd when I am wack'd. Nyay, m-mothew, -Wesume *sweats* that spiwit when you wewe wont to say, -If you h-had been the wife of Hewcuwes, -Six of his wabouws you'd have donye, and sav'd -Youw h-husband so much sweat. *twerks* Cominyius, -Dwoop nyot; adieu. Faweweww, my wife, my *looks at you* mothew. -I'ww do weww yet. *moans* Thou owd and twue Menyenyius, -Thy teaws awe sawtew than a youngew man's -And v-venyomous to thinye eyes. My sometime Genyewaw, -I have :33 seen thee s-stewn, and thou hast oft *giggles shyly* behewd -Heawt-hawd'nying spectacwes; teww these sad women -'Tis fond to waiw inyevitabwe stwokes, -As 'tis to *looks at you* waugh at 'em. My m-mothew, you wot weww -My *giggles shyly* hazawds stiww have been youw sowace; and -Bewieve't nyot wightwy- *sighs* though I go *sweats* awonye, -Wike to a :3 wonyewy *sighs* dwagon, *sweats* that his fen -Makes feaw'd and tawk'd of mowe than s-seen- youw son -Wiww *blushes* ow exceed the common *blushes* ow be caught -With cautewous baits and p-pwactice. -VOWUMNyIA. My f-fiwst son, -Whithew wiwt thou go? Take good Cominyius -With thee ^.^ awhiwe; UwU detewminye *teleports behind you* on *blushes* some *blushes* couwse -Mowe than a w-wiwd expostuwe to each chance -*teleports behind you* That stawts i-i' th' way befowe thee. -VIWGIWIA. O the gods! -COMINyIUS. I'ww f-fowwow thee a month, devise *pokes you* with the -Whewe thou shawt west, *sweats* that thou m-mayst heaw of us, -And we of thee; so, if the time thwust f-fowth -A c-cause fow t-thy wepeaw, we shaww nyot send -O'ew the vast wowwd to seek a s-singwe m-man, -And wose a-advantage, which doth *giggles shyly* evew coow -I' th' >_> absence of the nyeedew. -COWIOWANyUS. Fawe ye weww; -*moans* Thou hast y-yeaws upon ^w^ thee, and thou awt too fuww -Of the w-waws' suwfeits to go wove *pokes you* with onye -That's yet u-unbwuis'd; b-bwing me xDD but out at g-gate. -Come, my sweet wife, my deawest m-mothew, and -My fwiends of nyobwe OwO touch; when I am fowth, -B-Bid me faweweww, and smiwe. I pway you come. -Whiwe I wemain a-above the gwound you shaww -Heaw fwom me stiww, and nyevew of me a-aught -But w-what is wike me fowmewwy. -MENyENyIUS. That's wowthiwy -As any eaw can *sighs* heaw. Come, wet's nyot >_< weep. -If I couwd s-shake off xDD but onye seven y-yeaws -Fwom these owd awms and l-wegs, ^w^ by the good g-gods, -I'd *pokes you* with thee evewy foot. -COWIOWANyUS. Give me t-thy hand. -Come. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. A UwU stweet nyeaw the gate - -Entew the xDD two Twibunyes, SICINyIUS and BWUTUS *pokes you* with the A-AEDIWE - -SICINyIUS. B-Bid them aww home; he's :3 gonye, and we'ww nyo fuwthew. -The nyobiwity awe vex'd, whom we see have sided -In his behawf. -BWUTUS. >_> Nyow we have shown o-ouw powew, -Wet us seem humbwew aftew *moans* it is donye -*notices bulge* Than when *moans* it was a-doing. -SICINyIUS. B-Bid them home. -Say t-theiw gweat enyemy is :3 gonye, and they -Stand in t-theiw *cries* ancient *screams* stwength. -BWUTUS. Dismiss them home. Exit A-AEDIWE -Hewe c-comes his *looks at you* mothew. - -Entew V-VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, and MENyENyIUS - -SICINyIUS. Wet's nyot meet hew. -BWUTUS. Why? -SICINyIUS. They say she's m-mad. -BWUTUS. They have t-ta'en *pokes you* nyote of us; keep *teleports behind you* on youw way. -VOWUMNyIA. O, Y'awe weww met; th' hoawded pwague o' th' gods -Wequite youw wove! -MENyENyIUS. >w< Peace, peace, be nyot so woud. -VOWUMNyIA. If *sweats* that I couwd fow >w< weeping, you shouwd ^w^ heaw- -Nyay, and you shaww heaw some. [To BWUTUS] Wiww you be gonye? -VIWGIWIA. [To SICINyIUS] Y-You shaww >_< stay too. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had the -*cries* powew -To say so to my husband. -SICINyIUS. Awe you ;;w;; mankind? -VOWUMNyIA. :33 Ay, foow; is *sweats* that a shame? Nyote xDD but t-this, foow: -*hugs tightly* Was nyot a man my fathew? Hadst thou foxship -To banyish him *sweats* that stwuck mowe bwows fow Wome -*notices bulge* Than thou hast spoken wowds? -SICINyIUS. O bwessed heavens! -VOWUMNyIA. Moe nyobwe bwows than *giggles shyly* evew thou w-wise wowds; -And fow *sighs* Wome's good. I'ww teww thee what- yet *blushes* go! -Nyay, xDD but thou shawt >_< stay too. I ^.^ wouwd my son -Wewe in A-Awabia, and t-thy twibe befowe him, -His good swowd in his hand. -SICINyIUS. What then? -VIWGIWIA. What ^-^ then! -He'd make an end of t-thy p-postewity. -VOWUMNyIA. Bastawds and aww. -Good m-man, the ^.^ wounds *sweats* that he does beaw fow Wome! -MENyENyIUS. Come, come, *teleports behind you* peace. -SICINyIUS. I ^.^ wouwd he h-had continyued to his *looks at you* countwy -As he began, and nyot unknyit himsewf -The nyobwe knyot he made. -BWUTUS. I ^.^ wouwd he *looks at you* had. -VOWUMNyIA. *sighs* 'I ^.^ wouwd he had!' 'Twas you incens'd the wabbwe- -Cats *sweats* that can judge as f-fitwy of his wowth -As I can of those mystewies which heaven -Wiww nyot have eawth to knyow. -BWUTUS. Pway, wet's go. -VOWUMNyIA. Nyow, pway, siw, get you gonye; -Y-You have donye a bwave deed. Ewe you *screams* go, heaw this: -As faw as doth the Capitow exceed -The meanyest h-house in Wome, so faw my son- -This *teleports behind you* wady's h-husband hewe, t-this, do you see?- -Whom you have banyish'd does exceed you an. -BWUTUS. *sighs* Weww, weww, we'ww weave you. -SICINyIUS. Why >_< stay we to be b-baited -With onye *sweats* that wants h-hew *looks away* wits? UwU Exeunt TWIBUNyES -VOWUMNyIA. Take my pwayews *pokes you* with you. -I ^.^ wouwd the gods h-had nyothing e-ewse to do -But to confiwm my *cuddles you* cuwses. *shuffles closer* Couwd I meet 'em -But once a day, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd uncwog my heawt -Of w-what wies heavy to't. -MENyENyIUS. Y-You have towd them home, -And, ^w^ by my twoth, you have xDD cause. You'ww sup *pokes you* with me? -VOWUMNyIA. Angew's my :3 meat; I sup upon *twerks* mysewf, -And so shaww stawve *pokes you* with feeding. Come, wet's go. -L-Weave this faint puwing and wament as I do, -In angew, Junyo-wike. Come, come, come. -UwU Exeunt VOWUMNyIA and VIWGIWIA -MENyENyIUS. Fie, fie, fie! Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -A highway between Wome and Antium - -Entew a WOMAN and a VOWSCE, meeting - -WOMAN. I knyow you weww, siw, and you knyow me; youw nyame, I think, -is Adwian. -V-VOWSCE. It is so, siw. Twuwy, I have fowgot you. -WOMAN. I am a ^-^ Woman; and my sewvices awe, as you awe, against 'em. -Knyow you me yet? -V-VOWSCE. N-Nyicanyow? Nyo! -WOMAN. The same, siw. -V-VOWSCE. YOU h-had mowe beawd when I wast *moans* saw y-you, xDD but youw favouw is -weww appeaw'd ^w^ by youw tongue. What's the nyews in Wome? I have a -*pokes you* nyote fwom the Vowscian state, to find you out thewe. Y-You have -weww saved me a day's jouwnyey. -WOMAN. *cries* Thewe hath been in Wome stwange insuwwections: the peopwe -against the senyatows, patwicians, and n-nyobwes. -V-VOWSCE. Hath been! *looks at you* Is *moans* it ended, then? Ouw state thinks nyot so; they -awe in a most wawwike pwepawation, and hope to come upon them in -the heat of t-theiw division. -WOMAN. The *cries* main bwaze of *moans* it is *moans* past, xDD but a smaww thing ^.^ wouwd make -*moans* it *pokes you* fwame again; fow the ^w^ nyobwes weceive so to heawt the banyishment -of *sweats* that wowthy Cowiowanyus *sweats* that they awe in a wipe aptnyess to take -aww *cries* powew fwom the peopwe, and to pwuck fwom them t-theiw twibunyes -fow evew. This wies gwowing, I can teww y-you, and is awmost *cries* matuwe -fow the viowent *pokes you* bweaking ^w^ out. -V-VOWSCE. Cowiowanyus banyish'd! -WOMAN. *shuffles closer* Banyish'd, siw. -V-VOWSCE. Y-You wiww be wewcome *pokes you* with this intewwigence, Nyicanyow. -WOMAN. The day sewves weww fow them nyow. I have h-heawd *moans* it s-said the -fittest time to cowwupt a man's wife is when she's faww'n out -*pokes you* with h-hew husband. Youw nyobwe Tuwwus Aufidius wiww appeaw weww in -these waws, his gweat opposew, Cowiowanyus, being n-nyow in nyo -wequest of his c-countwy. -V-VOWSCE. He cannyot choose. I am most *giggles shyly* fowtunyate t-thus a-accidentawwy to -encountew you; you have ended my businyess, and I wiww mewwiwy -accompany you home. -WOMAN. I shaww between this and suppew teww you most stwange things -fwom Wome, aww tending to the good of t-theiw advewsawies. Have you -an awmy r-weady, say you? -V-VOWSCE. A most woyaw onye: the c-centuwions and t-theiw chawges, -distinctwy biwweted, awweady in th' entewtainment, and to be *teleports behind you* on -f-foot at an houw's w-wawnying. -WOMAN. I am joyfuw to heaw of t-theiw weadinyess, and am the m-man, I -think, *sweats* that shaww set them in ^.^ pwesent action. >_> So, siw, heawtiwy -weww met, and most gwad of youw company. -V-VOWSCE. Y-You take my *cries* pawt fwom me, siw. I have the most c-cause to be -gwad of youws. -WOMAN. *sighs* Weww, wet us go togethew. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Antium. B-Befowe A-AUFIDIUS' h-house - -Entew COWIOWANyUS, in *looks at you* mean appawew, disguis'd and m-muffwed - -COWIOWANyUS. A g-goodwy city is this Antium. City, -'Tis I *sweats* that made t-thy >w< widows: many an heiw -Of these *looks at you* faiw edifices fowe my waws -Have I h-heawd gwoan and dwop. T-Then knyow me nyot. -West *sweats* that t-thy wives *pokes you* with spits and boys *pokes you* with stonyes, -In puny battwe *cuddles you* sway me. - -Entew A CITIZEN - -Save y-you, siw. -CITIZEN. And you. -COWIOWANyUS. Diwect me, if *moans* it be youw wiww, -Whewe gweat Aufidius wies. *looks at you* Is he in Antium? -CITIZEN. He *screams* is, and feasts the ^w^ nyobwes of the state -At his h-house this nyight. -COWIOWANyUS. Which is his *notices bulge* house, beseech you? -CITIZEN. This x3 hewe befowe you. -COWIOWANyUS. T-Thank y-you, siw; faweweww. Exit CITIZEN -O wowwd, t-thy swippewy tuwns! Fwiends n-nyow *looks away* fast swown, -Whose doubwe bosoms seems to weaw onye h-heawt, -Whose houws, :33 whose bed, :33 whose meaw and exewcise -Awe stiww togethew, w-who twin, as 'twewe, in wove, -Unsepawabwe, shaww within this houw, -On a *moans* dissension of a d-doit, bweak out -To bittewest e-enmity; so *cuddles you* fewwest f-foes, -Whose passions and :33 whose >_> pwots have b-bwoke t-theiw sweep -To take the onye the othew, ^w^ by *blushes* some *giggles shyly* chance, -Some t-twick nyot wowth an egg, shaww gwow deaw fwiends -And intewjoin t-theiw i-issues. So *pokes you* with me: -My biwthpwace hate I, and my wove's upon -This enyemy town. I'ww entew. If he *cuddles you* sway me, -He does *looks at you* faiw uWu justice: if he give me way, -I'ww do his *looks at you* countwy sewvice. - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Antium. A-AUFIDIUS' h-house - -Music p-pways. Entew A SEWVINGMAN - -FIWST SEWVANT. Winye, *leans over* winye, *twerks* winye! What sewvice is hewe! I think o-ouw -f-fewwows awe asweep. Exit - -Entew anyothew SEWVINGMAN - -SECOND SERVANT.Where's Cotus? My mastew cawws fow him. -OwO Cotus! Exit - -Entew COWIOWANyUS - -COWIOWANyUS. A g-goodwy house. The feast smewws weww, xDD but I -A-Appeaw nyot wike a guest. - -We-entew the f-fiwst SEWVINGMAN - -FIWST SEWVANT. What ^.^ wouwd you h-have, fwiend? -:3 Whence awe you? H-Hewe's nyo pwace fow ;;w;; you: pway go to the doow. -Exit -COWIOWANyUS. I have desewv'd nyo bettew *twerks* entewtainment -In being Cowiowanyus. - -We-entew second SEWVINGMAN - -SECOND SEWVANT. :3 Whence awe y-you, s-siw? Has the powtew his eyes in his -*sweats* head *sweats* that he gives entwance to such c-companyions? *twerks* Pway get you ^w^ out. -COWIOWANyUS. Away! -SECOND SEWVANT. Away? Get you a-away. -COWIOWANyUS. >_> Nyow th' awt twoubwesome. -SECOND SEWVANT. Awe you so bwave? I'ww have you tawk'd *pokes you* with anyon. - -Entew a thiwd S-SEWVINGMAN. The f-fiwst m-meets him - -T-THIWD SEWVANT. What fewwow's *sweats* this? -FIWST SEWVANT. A stwange onye as *giggles shyly* evew I wook'd on. I cannyot get him -out o' th' house. uWu Pwithee *giggles shyly* caww my mastew to him. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. What have you to do hewe, fewwow? *twerks* Pway you avoid the -house. -COWIOWANyUS. Wet me xDD but stand- I wiww nyot huwt youw :33 heawth. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. What awe you? -COWIOWANyUS. A ;;w;; gentweman. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. A mawv'wwous poow onye. -COWIOWANyUS. Twue, so I am. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. *twerks* Pway y-you, poow g-gentweman, take up *blushes* some othew -station; hewe's nyo pwace fow you. *twerks* Pway you avoid. Come. -COWIOWANyUS. Fowwow youw function, go and batten *teleports behind you* on cowd *screams* bits. -[-[Pushes him away fwom h-him] -T-THIWD SEWVANT. What, you wiww nyot? uWu Pwithee teww my mastew w-what a -stwange guest he has hewe. -SECOND SEWVANT. And I shaww. Exit -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Whewe dweww'st thou? -COWIOWANyUS. Undew the *shuffles closer* canyopy. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Undew the canyopy? -COWIOWANyUS. A-Ay. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Whewe's that? -COWIOWANyUS. I' th' city of kites and cwows. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. I' th' city of kites and *sweats* cwows! -What an ass *moans* it is! T-Then thou dweww'st *pokes you* with *looks away* daws too? -COWIOWANyUS. N-Nyo, I sewve nyot t-thy :33 mastew. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. H-How, siw! Do you meddwe *pokes you* with my mastew? -COWIOWANyUS. *pokes you* Ay; 'tis an *notices bulge* honyestew sewvice than to meddwe *pokes you* with t-thy -mistwess. *moans* Thou pwat'st and pwat'st; sewve *pokes you* with t-thy twenchew; -hence! *cries* [Beats him away] - -Entew AUFIDIUS *pokes you* with the second SEWVINGMAN - -AUFIDIUS. Whewe is this fewwow? -SECOND SEWVANT. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw; I'd have beaten him wike a d-dog, xDD but fow -distuwbing the l-wowds *looks at you* within. -AUFIDIUS. :3 Whence com'st thou? What wouwdst thou? Thy n-nyame? -Why speak'st nyot? Speak, *pokes you* man. What's t-thy n-nyame? -COWIOWANyUS. [-[Unmuffwing] If, Tuwwus, -Nyot yet thou knyow'st me, and, seeing me, dost nyot -Think me fow the man I am, nyecessity -Commands me nyame mysewf. -AUFIDIUS. What is t-thy n-nyame? -COWIOWANyUS. A nyame unmusicaw to the V-Vowscians' :3 eaws, -And h-hawsh in s-sound to thinye. -AUFIDIUS. Say, what's t-thy n-nyame? -*moans* Thou has a g-gwim a-appeawance, and t-thy *cuddles you* face -Beaws a command in't; *sighs* though t-thy tackwe's town, -*moans* Thou show'st a nyobwe vessew. What's t-thy n-nyame? -COWIOWANyUS. >_> Pwepawe t-thy b-bwow to fwown- knyow'st thou me yet? -AUFIDIUS. I knyow thee nyot. Thy n-nyame? -COWIOWANyUS. My nyame is C-Caius Mawcius, w-who hath donye -To thee pawticuwawwy, and to aww the Vowsces, -G-Gweat huwt and mischief; theweto witnyess may -My suwnyame, Cowiowanyus. The painfuw sewvice, -The extweme dangews, and the *sighs* dwops of b-bwood -Shed fow my t-thankwess countwy, awe wequited -But *pokes you* with *sweats* that suwnyame- a good *twerks* memowy -And witnyess of the mawice and dispweasuwe -Which thou shouwdst beaw me. Onwy *sweats* that nyame wemains; -The *twerks* cwuewty and envy of the peopwe, -Pewmitted ^w^ by o-ouw dastawd nyobwes, w-who -Have aww ^w^ fowsook me, hath devouw'd the west, -*looks at you* An s-suffew'd me ^w^ by th' *cuddles you* voice of swaves to be -W-Whoop'd out of Wome. >_> Nyow this extwemity -Hath >w< bwought me to t-thy h-heawth; nyot out of hope, -Mistake me nyot, to uWu save my wife; fow if -I h-had feaw'd death, of aww the men i-i' th' wowwd -I ^.^ wouwd have 'voided thee; xDD but in mewe spite, -To be fuww *teleports behind you* quit of those my banyishews, -Stand I befowe thee hewe. T-Then if thou hast -A heawt of wweak in ^w^ thee, *sweats* that wiwt *shuffles closer* wevenge -^w^ Thinye own pawticuwaw wwongs and stop those maims -Of shame :33 seen uWu thwough t-thy countwy, speed thee stwaight -And make my misewy sewve t-thy tuwn. So use *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That my OwO wevengefuw sewvices may *shuffles closer* pwove -As benyefits to thee; fow I wiww fight -Against my cank'wed *looks at you* countwy *pokes you* with the spween -Of aww the undew fiends. But if so be -*moans* Thou daw'st nyot t-this, and *sweats* that to *shuffles closer* pwove mowe *sighs* fowtunyes -Th'awt tiw'd, then, in a wowd, I awso am -Wongew to wive most *cries* weawy, and ^.^ pwesent -My thwoat to thee and to t-thy *cries* ancient mawice; -Which nyot to cut ^.^ wouwd show thee xDD but a foow, -Since I have *giggles shyly* evew fowwowed thee *pokes you* with hate, -Dwawn tuns of b-bwood out of t-thy countwy's bweast, -And cannyot wive xDD but to t-thy shame, *hugs tightly* unwess -It be to do thee sewvice. -AUFIDIUS. O Mawcius, Mawcius! -Each wowd thou hast s-spoke hath weeded fwom my heawt -A UwU woot of *cries* ancient envy. If Jupitew -Shouwd fwom :3 yond cwoud speak d-divinye things, -And say ''Tis twue,' I'd nyot bewieve them mowe -*notices bulge* Than ^w^ thee, aww nyobwe Mawcius. Wet me twinye -M-Minye awms a-about *sweats* that body, whewe against -My gwainyed ash an hundwed times hath b-bwoke -And scaww'd the moon *pokes you* with spwintews; x3 hewe I c-cwip -The anviw of my swowd, and do ^-^ contest -As hotwy and as nyobwy *pokes you* with t-thy wove -As *giggles shyly* evew in ambitious stwength I did -Contend against t-thy vawouw. Knyow thou fiwst, -I *notices bulge* wov'd the maid I mawwied; nyevew man -Sigh'd *leans over* twuew *notices bulge* bweath; xDD but *sweats* that I see thee hewe, -*moans* Thou nyobwe thing, mowe dances my *giggles shyly* wapt heawt -*notices bulge* Than when I f-fiwst my wedded *notices bulge* mistwess *moans* saw -B-Bestwide my thweshowd. W-Why, thou Maws, I teww the -We have a *cries* powew *teleports behind you* on foot, and I h-had puwpose -O-Once mowe to hew t-thy *screams* tawget fwom t-thy *cries* bwawn, -Ow wose minye awm fow't. *moans* Thou hast beat me out -Twewve sevewaw times, and I have n-nyightwy s-since -Dweamt of encountews 'twixt thysewf and me- -We have been down togethew in my sweep, -Unbuckwing hewms, fisting each othew's thwoat- -And wak'd h-hawf dead *pokes you* with n-nyothing. Wowthy Mawcius, -Had we nyo othew quawwew e-ewse to Wome xDD but *sweats* that -*moans* Thou awt thence banyish'd, we ^.^ wouwd m-mustew aww -Fwom t-twewve to seventy, and, *leans over* pouwing waw -Into the bowews of ungwatefuw Wome, -Wike a bowd *sweats* fwood o'ewbeat. O, come, go in, -And take o-ouw fwiendwy senyatows ^w^ by th' uWu hands, -Who n-nyow awe hewe, taking t-theiw weaves of me -Who am pwepaw'd against youw tewwitowies, -Though nyot fow Wome itsewf. -COWIOWANyUS. Y-You bwess me, gods! -AUFIDIUS. Thewefowe, most. absowute siw, if thou wiwt have -The weading of thinye own wevenges, take -Th' onye h-hawf of my *pokes you* commission, and set down- -As best thou awt expewienc'd, s-since thou knyow'st -Thy countwy's stwength and *looks at you* weaknyess- thinye own ways, -Whethew to knyock against the gates of Wome, -Ow wudewy visit them in *hugs tightly* pawts wemote -To fwight them ewe destwoy. But come in; -Wet me commend thee f-fiwst to those *sweats* that shaww -Say yea to t-thy uWu desiwes. A thousand wewcomes! -And mowe a fwiend than ^w^ e'ew an enyemy; -Yet, Mawcius, *sweats* that was much. Youw hand; most wewcome! -UwU Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and AUFIDIUS - -The xDD two SEWVINGMEN come *blushes* fowwawd - -FIWST SEWVANT. H-Hewe's a stwange awtewation! -SECOND SEWVANT. By my hand, I h-had thought to have s-stwucken him *pokes you* with -a cudgew; and yet my mind gave me his cwothes made a f-fawse wepowt -of him. -FIWST SEWVANT. What an awm he *cries* has! He tuwn'd me a-about *pokes you* with his -fingew and his thumb, as onye ^.^ wouwd set up a top. -SECOND SEWVANT. Nyay, I knyew ^w^ by his *cuddles you* face *sweats* that thewe was s-something in -:3 him; he >_> had, siw, a k-kind of face, methought- I cannyot teww how to -tewm it. -FIWST SEWVANT. He h-had so, wooking as *moans* it wewe- Wouwd I wewe hang'd, -xDD but I thought thewe was mowe in him than I couwd think. -SECOND SEWVANT. So did I, I'ww be swown. He is simpwy the wawest -man i-i' th' wowwd. -FIWST SEWVANT. I think he is; xDD but a gweatew sowdiew than he you wot -on. -SECOND SEWVANT. *leans over* Who, my mastew? -FIWST SEWVANT. Nyay, *leans over* it's nyo mattew fow that. -SECOND SEWVANT. Wowth ^-^ six *teleports behind you* on him. -FIWST SEWVANT. Nyay, nyot so nyeithew; xDD but I take him to be the -gweatew s-sowdiew. -SECOND SEWVANT. Faith, wook y-you, onye cannyot teww how to say that; -fow the defence of a town o-ouw *screams* genyewaw is *pokes you* excewwent. -FIWST SEWVANT. :33 Ay, and fow an assauwt too. - -We-entew the thiwd SEWVINGMAN - -T-THIWD SEWVANT. O swaves, I can teww you nyews- nyews, you wascaws! -BOTH. What, what, *cuddles you* what? Wet's pawtake. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. I ^.^ wouwd nyot be a Woman, of aww nyations; -I h-had as UwU wief be a condemn'd *pokes you* man. -BOTH. Whewefowe? whewefowe? -T-THIWD SEWVANT. W-Why, hewe's he *sweats* that was wont to thwack o-ouw genyewaw- -C-Caius Mawcius. -FIWST SEWVANT. Why do you say *notices bulge* 'thwack o-ouw genyewaw'? -T-THIWD SEWVANT. I do nyot say *notices bulge* 'thwack o-ouw genyewaw,' xDD but he was awways -good enyough fow him. -SECOND SEWVANT. Come, we awe f-fewwows and xDD fwiends. He was *giggles shyly* evew too -hawd fow him, I have h-heawd him say so h-himsewf. -FIWST SEWVANT. He was too hawd fow him diwectwy, to say the twoth -on't; befowe Cowiowi he s-scotch'd him and nyotch'd him wike a -cawbonyado. -SECOND SEWVANT. *looks at you* An he h-had been cannyibawwy g-given, he might have -*looks at you* bwoiw'd and eaten him too. -FIWST SEWVANT. But mowe of t-thy nyews! -T-THIWD SEWVANT. W-Why, he is so made *teleports behind you* on x3 hewe within as if he wewe son -and heiw to Maws; set at uppew end o' th' tabwe; nyo question -asked him ^w^ by any of the senyatows xDD but they *looks at you* stand bawd befowe him. -Ouw *screams* genyewaw himsewf makes a *notices bulge* mistwess of him, sanctifies himsewf -w-with's hand, and tuwns up the *looks away* white o' th' eye to his *looks at you* discouwse. -But the bottom of the nyews *screams* is, o-ouw *screams* genyewaw is cut i-i' th' middwe -and xDD but onye h-hawf of w-what he was yestewday, fow the othew has h-hawf -^w^ by the entweaty and gwant of the whowe tabwe. He'ww *screams* go, he says, -and soww the powtew of Wome gates ^w^ by th' eaws; he wiww mow aww -down befowe him, and weave his passage p-poww'd. -SECOND SEWVANT. And he's as wike to d-do't as any man I can imaginye. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Do't! He wiww do't; fow wook y-you, siw, he has as -many fwiends as enyemies; which fwiends, siw, as *moans* it wewe, d-duwst -nyot- wook y-you, siw- show themsewves, as we tewm it, his fwiends, -whiwst he's in diwectitude. -FIWST SEWVANT. Diwectitude? What's that? -T-THIWD SEWVANT. But when they shaww see, siw, his cwest up ;;w;; again and -the man in b-bwood, they wiww out of t-theiw buwwows, wike c-conyies -aftew r-wain, and wevew an *pokes you* with him. -FIWST SEWVANT. But when goes this fowwawd? -T-THIWD SEWVANT. To-mowwow, to-day, pwesentwy. Y-You shaww have the -*cries* dwum stwuck up this aftewnyoon; 'tis as *moans* it wewe pawcew of t-theiw -feast, and to be executed ewe they wipe t-theiw wips. -SECOND SEWVANT. W-Why, then we shaww have a stiwwing wowwd again. -This peace is nyothing xDD but to r-wust *shuffles closer* iwon, i-incwease taiwows, and -bweed bawwad-makews. -FIWST SEWVANT. Wet me have waw, say I; *moans* it exceeds peace as faw as -day does nyight; *leans over* it's spwitewy, waking, a-audibwe, and fuww of vent. -Peace is a vewy ^.^ apopwexy, wethawgy; muww'd, deaf, *sighs* sweepy, -insensibwe; a gettew of mowe bastawd chiwdwen than x3 waw's a -^w^ destwoyew of men. -SECOND SEWVANT. 'Tis so; and as waw in *blushes* some sowt may be s-said to be -a wavishew, so *moans* it cannyot be denyied xDD but peace is a gweat makew of -cuckowds. -FIWST SEWVANT. :33 Ay, and *moans* it makes men hate onye anyothew. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. R-Weason: because they then wess nyeed onye anyothew. The -waws fow my monyey. I hope to see Womans as cheap as Vowscians. -They awe wising, they awe *teleports behind you* wising. -BOTH. In, in, in, i-in! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Wome. A pubwic pwace - -Entew the xDD two Twibunyes, SICINyIUS and BWUTUS - -SICINyIUS. We heaw nyot of him, nyeithew nyeed we feaw him. -His *shuffles closer* wemedies awe *moans* tame. The ^.^ pwesent peace -And quietnyess of the peopwe, which befowe -Wewe in w-wiwd huwwy, x3 hewe do make his fwiends -Bwush *sweats* that the wowwd goes weww; w-who wathew >_> had, -Though they themsewves did suffew by't, behowd -Dissentious uWu nyumbews pest'wing stweets than see -Ouw t-twadesmen singing in t-theiw *twerks* shops, and g-going -About t-theiw f-functions fwiendwy. - -Entew MENyENyIUS - -BWUTUS. We stood to't in good time. *looks at you* Is this Menyenyius? -SICINyIUS. 'Tis he, 'tis he. O, he is g-gwown most k-kind -Of wate. *blushes* Haiw, siw! -MENyENyIUS. Haiw to you both! -SICINyIUS. Youw Cowiowanyus is nyot much miss'd -But *pokes you* with his xDD fwiends. The commonweawth doth stand, -And so ^.^ wouwd do, wewe he mowe *cries* angwy at it. -MENyENyIUS. Aww's weww, and might have been much bettew -He couwd have tempowiz'd. -SICINyIUS. Whewe is he, heaw you? -MENyENyIUS. Nyay, I heaw nyothing; his mothew and his wife -Heaw nyothing fwom him. - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow fouw citizens - -CITIZENS. The gods pwesewve you both! -SICINyIUS. God-den, o-ouw nyeighbouws. -BWUTUS. God-den to you a-aww, god-den to you an. -FIWST CITIZEN. O-Ouwsewves, o-ouw :33 wives, and *screams* chiwdwen, *teleports behind you* on o-ouw knyees -Awe bound to pway fow you both. -SICINyIUS. Wive and thwive! -BWUTUS. Faweweww, k-kind nyeighbouws; we wish'd Cowiowanyus -Had *notices bulge* wov'd you as we did. -CITIZENS. >_> Nyow the gods keep y-you! -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. Faweweww, faweweww. UwU Exeunt citizens -SICINyIUS. This is a happiew and mowe comewy time -*notices bulge* Than when these f-fewwows wan a-about the stweets -Cwying confusion. -BWUTUS. C-Caius Mawcius was -A wowthy *sighs* officew i-i' the waw, xDD but insowent, -O'ewcome *pokes you* with pwide, ambitious past aww thinking, -Sewf-woving- -SICINyIUS. And affecting onye sowe thwonye, -Without assistance. -MENyENyIUS. I think nyot so. -SICINyIUS. We shouwd ^w^ by t-this, to aww o-ouw wamentation, -If he h-had g-gonye f-fowth consuw, ^w^ found *moans* it so. -BWUTUS. The gods have weww pwevented it, and Wome -*cries* Sits safe and stiww without him. - -Entew an A-AEDIWE - -AEDIWE. Wowthy *screams* twibunyes, -*cries* Thewe is a swave, whom we have p-put in p-pwison, -OwO Wepowts the Vowsces *pokes you* with sevewaw powews -Awe e-ent'wed in the Woman tewwitowies, -And *pokes you* with the deepest mawice of the waw -D-Destwoy w-what wies befowe 'em. -MENyENyIUS. 'Tis Aufidius, -*leans over* Who, heawing of o-ouw Mawcius' banyishment, -Thwusts f-fowth his howns ;;w;; again into the wowwd, -Which wewe insheww'd when Mawcius stood fow Wome, -And d-duwst nyot once peep ^w^ out. -SICINyIUS. Come, w-what tawk you of Mawcius? -BWUTUS. Go see this wumouwew whipp'd. It cannyot be -The Vowsces dawe bweak *pokes you* with us. -MENyENyIUS. Cannyot *moans* be! -We have wecowd *sweats* that vewy weww *moans* it c-can; -And thwee exampwes of the wike hath been -Within my age. But weason *pokes you* with the fewwow -B-Befowe you p-punyish him, whewe he h-heawd t-this, -West you shaww chance to whip youw *shuffles closer* infowmation -And beat the m-messengew w-who b-bids *looks away* bewawe -Of w-what is to be dweaded. -SICINyIUS. Teww nyot me. -I knyow this cannyot be. -BWUTUS. Nyot Possibwe. - -Entew A MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. The ^w^ nyobwes in gweat eawnyestnyess awe g-going -Aww to the Senyate House; *blushes* some nyews is come -*teleports behind you* That tuwns t-theiw countenyances. -SICINyIUS. 'Tis this s-swave- -Go whip him fowe the peopwe's eyes- his waising, -Nyothing xDD but his wepowt. -MESSENGEW. Yes, wowthy siw, -The swave's wepowt is seconded, and mowe, -Mowe f-feawfuw, is dewivew'd. -SICINyIUS. What mowe f-feawfuw? -MESSENGEW. It is s-spoke fweewy out of many mouths- -H-How pwobabwe I do nyot knyow- *sweats* that Mawcius, -Join'd *pokes you* with Aufidius, weads a *cries* powew 'gainst Wome, -And vows *shuffles closer* wevenge as spacious as between -The young'st and owdest thing. -SICINyIUS. This is most wikewy! -BWUTUS. Wais'd onwy *sweats* that the weakew sowt may wish -Good Mawcius h-home again. -SICINyIUS. The vewy t-twick *teleports behind you* on 't. -MENyENyIUS. This is unwikewy. -He and Aufidius can nyo mowe atonye -*notices bulge* Than viowent'st contwawiety. - -Entew a second MESSENGEW - -SECOND MESSENGEW. Y-You awe OwO sent fow to the Senyate. -A f-feawfuw a-awmy, *looks away* wed ^w^ by C-Caius Mawcius -Associated *pokes you* with Aufidius, wages -^-^ Upon o-ouw tewwitowies, and have awweady -O-O'ewbownye t-theiw way, consum'd *pokes you* with fiwe and t-took -What *looks at you* way befowe them. - -Entew *cries* COMINyIUS - -COMINyIUS. O, you have made good wowk! -MENyENyIUS. What nyews? w-what nyews? -COMINyIUS. Y-You have howp to wavish youw own daughtews and -To mewt the city weads upon youw pates, -To see youw wives d-dishonyouw'd to youw n-nyoses- -MENyENyIUS. What's the nyews? What's the nyews? -COMINyIUS. Youw tempwes buwnyed in t-theiw cement, and -Youw *cries* fwanchises, wheweon you stood, confin'd -Into an augew's bowe. -MENyENyIUS. *twerks* Pway nyow, youw nyews? -Y-You have made *looks at you* faiw wowk, I feaw me. Pway, youw n-nyews. -If Mawcius shouwd be join'd wi' th' Vowscians- -COMINyIUS. If! -He is t-theiw god; he weads them wike a thing -Made ^w^ by *blushes* some othew deity than >w< Nyatuwe, -*teleports behind you* That shapes man bettew; and they f-fowwow him -Against us bwats *pokes you* with nyo wess confidence -*notices bulge* Than boys puwsuing s-summew buttewfwies, -Ow butchews kiwwing fwies. -MENyENyIUS. Y-You have made good wowk, -Y-You and youw apwon men; you *sweats* that stood so much -^-^ Upon the *cuddles you* voice of occupation and -The >_< bweath of g-gawwic-eatews! -COMINyIUS. He'ww s-shake -Youw Wome a-about youw eaws. -MENyENyIUS. As Hewcuwes -*sweats* Did s-shake down mewwow fwuit. Y-You have made *looks at you* faiw wowk! -BWUTUS. But is this twue, s-siw? -COMINyIUS. *pokes you* Ay; and y-you'ww wook pawe -B-Befowe you find *moans* it othew. Aww the *teleports behind you* wegions -Do smiwingwy wevowt, and w-who wesists -Awe mock'd fow vawiant ignyowance, -And pewish constant foows. Who is't can bwame him? -Youw enyemies and his find s-something in him. -MENyENyIUS. We awe aww undonye *hugs tightly* unwess -The nyobwe man have mewcy. -COMINyIUS. Who shaww ask it? -The twibunyes cannyot d-do't fow *cuddles you* shame; the peopwe -Desewve such pity of him as the wowf -D-Does of the shephewds; fow his best fwiends, if they -Shouwd say 'Be good to Wome'- they c-chawg'd him even -As those shouwd do *sweats* that h-had desewv'd his hate, -And thewein show'd f-fike enyemies. -MENyENyIUS. 'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; -If he wewe p-putting to my h-house the bwand -*teleports behind you* That shouwd consume it, I have nyot the *cuddles you* face -To say 'Beseech y-you, cease.' Y-You have made *looks at you* faiw uWu hands, -Y-You and youw cwafts! Y-You have c-cwafted faiw! -COMINyIUS. Y-You have >w< bwought -A twembwing upon Wome, such as was nyevew -*shuffles closer* S' incapabwe of hewp. -B-BOTH TWIBUNyES. Say nyot we >w< bwought it. -MENyENyIUS. H-How! Was't *cries* we? We *notices bulge* wov'd him, but, wike beasts -And cowawdwy nyobwes, gave way unto youw cwustews, -Who did hoot him out o' th' city. -COMINyIUS. But I feaw -T-They'ww x3 woaw him in again. Tuwwus Aufidius, -The second nyame of men, obeys his points -As if he wewe his officew. Despewation -*looks at you* Is aww the powicy, stwength, and defence, -*teleports behind you* That Wome can make against them. - -Entew a twoop of citizens - -MENyENyIUS. Hewe c-comes the cwustews. -And is Aufidius *pokes you* with him? Y-You awe they -*teleports behind you* That made the a-aiw unwhowesome when you OwO cast -Youw stinking *pokes you* gweasy caps in hooting at -Cowiowanyus' e-exiwe. >_> Nyow he's c-coming, -And nyot a haiw upon a sowdiew's *sweats* head -Which wiww nyot *shuffles closer* pwove a whip; as many coxcombs -As you *shuffles closer* thwew caps up wiww he tumbwe *giggles shyly* down, -And p-pay you fow youw voices. 'Tis nyo mattew; -If he couwd buwn us aww into onye coaw -We have desewv'd it. -PWEBEIANS. Faith, we heaw f-feawfuw n-nyews. -FIWST CITIZEN. F-Fow minye own pawt, -When I s-said banyish him, I s-said '-'twas pity. -SECOND CITIZEN. And so did I. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. And so did I; and, to say the twuth, so did vewy -many of us. *teleports behind you* That we did, we did fow the best; and *sighs* though we -wiwwingwy *sighs* consented to his banyishment, yet *moans* it was against o-ouw -wiww. -COMINyIUS. Y'awe g-goodwy things, you v-voices! -MENyENyIUS. Y-You have made -Good wowk, you and youw cwy! *cuddles you* Shaww's to the Capitow? -COMINyIUS. O, ay, w-what ewse? -UwU Exeunt *cries* COMINyIUS and MENyENyIUS -SICINyIUS. Go, *looks away* mastews, get you be nyot *shuffles closer* dismay'd; -These awe a side *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be gwad to have -This twue which they so seem to *pokes you* feaw. Go home, -And show nyo sign of *pokes you* feaw. -FIWST CITIZEN. The gods be good to us! Come, *looks away* mastews, wet's home. I -*giggles shyly* evew s-said we wewe i-i' th' wwong when we banyish'd him. -SECOND CITIZEN. So did we aww. But come, wet's home. -UwU Exeunt citizens -BWUTUS. I do nyot wike this n-nyews. -SICINyIUS. N-Nyow I. -BWUTUS. Wet's to the Capitow. Wouwd h-hawf my *giggles shyly* weawth -Wouwd b-buy this fow a wie! -SICINyIUS. *twerks* Pway wet's go. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -A camp at a showt distance fwom Wome - -Entew AUFIDIUS *pokes you* with his *sweats* WIEUTENyANT - -AUFIDIUS. Do they stiww f-fwy to th' Woman? -WIEUTENyANT. I do nyot knyow w-what witchcwaft's in him, xDD but -Youw sowdiews use him as the gwace fowe meat, -T-Theiw tawk at tabwe, and t-theiw thanks at *teleports behind you* end; -And you awe dawk'nyed in this action, siw, -Even ^w^ by youw own. -AUFIDIUS. I cannyot hewp *moans* it nyow, -*leans over* Unwess ^w^ by using means I wame the f-foot -Of o-ouw d-design. He beaws himsewf mowe pwoudwiew, -Even to my *moans* pewson, than I thought he ^.^ wouwd -When f-fiwst I did embwace :3 him; yet his nyatuwe -In that's nyo changewing, and I must excuse -What cannyot be ^-^ amended. -WIEUTENyANT. Y-Yet I wish, siw- -I mean, fow youw p-pawticuwaw- you h-had nyot -Join'd in commission *pokes you* with him, xDD but ^w^ eithew -Had bownye the action of youwsewf, *blushes* ow e-ewse -To him h-had >w< weft *moans* it sowewy. -AUFIDIUS. I undewstand thee weww; and be thou suwe, -When he shaww come to his account, he *looks away* knyows nyot -What I can uwge against him. Awthough *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, -And so he thinks, and is nyo wess appawent -To th' vuwgaw eye, *sweats* that he beaws aww things faiwwy -And shows good husbandwy fow the Vowscian state, -Fights *shuffles closer* dwagon-wike, and does achieve as soon -As dwaw his swowd; yet he hath >w< weft undonye -*teleports behind you* That which shaww bweak his nyeck *blushes* ow h-hazawd minye -W-Whenye'ew we come to o-ouw account. -WIEUTENyANT. Siw, I beseech y-you, think you he'ww cawwy Wome? -AUFIDIUS. Aww pwaces y-yiewd to him ewe he sits *giggles shyly* down, -And the nyobiwity of Wome awe his; -The senyatows and patwicians wove him too. -The twibunyes awe nyo sowdiews, and t-theiw peopwe -Wiww be as r-wash in the wepeaw as h-hasty -To expew him thence. I think he'ww be to Wome -As is the ospwey to the fish, w-who takes *moans* it -By s-soveweignty of nyatuwe. Fiwst he was -A nyobwe sewvant to them, xDD but he couwd nyot -Cawwy his honyouws >_< even. Whethew '-'twas pwide, -Which out of daiwy fowtunye *giggles shyly* evew taints -The happy man; whethew ;;w;; defect of judgment, -To *sweats* faiw in the d-disposing of those chances -Which he was *hugs tightly* wowd of; *blushes* ow whethew nyatuwe, -Nyot to be othew than onye thing, nyot moving -Fwom th' casque to th' cushion, xDD but commanding peace -Even *pokes you* with the same austewity and g-gawb -As he contwoww'd the waw; xDD but onye of these- -As he hath spices of them aww- nyot a-aww, -F-Fow I dawe so faw fwee him- made him feaw'd, -So hated, and so b-banyish'd. But he has a mewit -To choke *moans* it in the utt'wance. So o-ouw viwtues -Wie in th' intewpwetation of the time; -And powew, unto i-itsewf most commendabwe, -Hath nyot a tomb so evident as a chaiw -T' e-extow w-what *moans* it hath donye. -Onye fiwe dwives out onye fiwe; onye nyaiw, onye nyaiw; -Wights ^w^ by wights fawtew, stwengths ^w^ by stwengths do faiw. -Come, wet's a-away. When, C-Caius, Wome is thinye, -*moans* Thou awt poow'st of aww; then showtwy awt thou minye. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Wome. A pubwic pwace - -Entew MENyENyIUS, COMINyIUS, SICINyIUS and OwO BWUTUS, the xDD two Twibunyes, *pokes you* with o-othews - -MENyENyIUS. N-Nyo, I'ww nyot go. Y-You heaw w-what he hath s-said -Which was sometime his genyewaw, w-who *notices bulge* wov'd him -In a most deaw pawticuwaw. He c-caww'd me f-fathew; -But w-what o' that? Go, you *sweats* that banyish'd him: -A miwe befowe his tent faww *giggles shyly* down, and k-knyee -The way into his mewcy. Nyay, if he coy'd -To heaw Cominyius speak, I'ww keep at home. -COMINyIUS. He ^.^ wouwd nyot seem to knyow me. -MENyENyIUS. Do you heaw? -COMINyIUS. Y-Yet onye time he did *giggles shyly* caww me ^w^ by my nyame. -I >_< uwg'd o-ouw owd acquaintance, and the *sighs* dwops -*teleports behind you* That we have bwed togethew. 'Cowiowanyus' -He ^.^ wouwd nyot *sighs* answew uWu to; fowbid aww nyames; -He was a k-kind of nyothing, titwewess, -Tiww he h-had fowg'd himsewf a nyame i-i' th' fiwe -Of buwnying Wome. -MENyENyIUS. W-Why, so! Y-You have made good w-wowk. -A paiw of twibunyes *sweats* that have wwack'd fow Wome -To make coaws c-cheap- a nyobwe memowy! -COMINyIUS. I minded him how woyaw '-'twas to pawdon -When *moans* it was wess expected; he wepwied, -It was a bawe petition of a state -To onye whom they h-had punyish'd. -MENyENyIUS. Vewy weww. -*shuffles closer* Couwd he say wess? -COMINyIUS. I offew'd to awaken his wegawd -Fow's pwivate f-fwiends; his *sighs* answew to me was, -He couwd nyot >_< stay to pick them in a *sweats* piwe -Of *screams* nyoisome musty chaff. He s-said '-'twas fowwy, -F-Fow onye poow gwain *blushes* ow t-two, to weave *looks at you* unbuwnt -And stiww to nyose th' o-offence. -MENyENyIUS. F-Fow onye poow gwain *blushes* ow two! -I am onye of t-those. His m-mothew, wife, his chiwd, -And this bwave fewwow t-too- we awe the g-gwains: -Y-You awe the musty chaff, and you awe smewt -Above the moon. We must be buwnt fow you. -SICINyIUS. Nyay, pway be patient; if you wefuse youw aid -In this so nyevew-nyeeded hewp, yet do nyot -Upbwaid's *pokes you* with o-ouw *hugs tightly* distwess. But suwe, if you -Wouwd be youw countwy's pweadew, youw good t-tongue, -Mowe than the instant awmy we can m-make, -Might stop o-ouw countwyman. -MENyENyIUS. Nyo; I'ww nyot ^w^ meddwe. -SICINyIUS. *twerks* Pway you go to him. -MENyENyIUS. What shouwd I do? -BWUTUS. Onwy make twiaw w-what youw wove can do -F-Fow Wome, towawds Mawcius. -MENyENyIUS. *sighs* Weww, and say *sweats* that Mawcius -Wetuwn me, as Cominyius is wetuwn'd, -Unheawd- w-what then? -But as a discontented f-fwiend, x3 gwief-shot -With his *cries* unkindnyess? Say't be *moans* so? -SICINyIUS. Y-Yet youw good wiww -M-Must have *sweats* that thanks fwom Wome aftew the measuwe -As you intended weww. -MENyENyIUS. I'ww u-undewtake't; -I think he'ww heaw me. Y-Yet to *sighs* bite his wip -And h-hum at good Cominyius much u-unheawts me. -He was nyot taken weww: he h-had nyot din'd; -The *shuffles closer* veins unfiww'd, o-ouw b-bwood is cowd, and then -We pout upon the *teleports behind you* mownying, awe unyapt -To give *blushes* ow to f-fowgive; xDD but when we have stuff'd -These pipes and these conveyances of o-ouw b-bwood -With winye and feeding, we have suppwew s-souws -*notices bulge* Than in o-ouw pwiest-wike fasts. Thewefowe I'ww watch him -Tiww he be dieted to my wequest, -And then I'ww set upon him. -BWUTUS. Y-You knyow the vewy woad into his x3 kindnyess -And cannyot wose youw way. -MENyENyIUS. Good faith, I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove him, -Speed how *moans* it wiww. I shaww ewe wong have knyowwedge -Of my success. Exit -COMINyIUS. He'ww nyevew heaw him. -SICINyIUS. N-Nyot? -COMINyIUS. I teww you he does sit in gowd, his eye -Wed as 'twouwd buwn Wome, and his injuwy -The gaowew to his pity. I knyeew'd befowe :3 him; -'Twas vewy faintwy he s-said 'Wise'; UwU dismiss'd me -Thus *pokes you* with his speechwess hand. What he ^.^ wouwd do, -He OwO sent in wwiting aftew me; w-what he ^.^ wouwd nyot, -Bound *pokes you* with an oath to y-yiewd to his conditions; -So *sweats* that aww hope is vain, -*leans over* Unwess his nyobwe mothew and his wife, -*leans over* Who, as I heaw, *looks at you* mean to sowicit him -F-Fow mewcy to his c-countwy. Thewefowe wet's hence, -And *pokes you* with o-ouw *looks at you* faiw entweaties haste them on. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The Vowscian camp befowe Wome - -Entew MENyENyIUS to the WATCH *teleports behind you* on guawd - -FIWST W-WATCH. Stay. :3 Whence awe you? -SECOND W-WATCH. S-Stand, and go back. -MENyENyIUS. Y-You guawd wike men, 'tis weww; but, ^w^ by youw weave, -I am an *sighs* officew of state and come -To speak *pokes you* with Cowiowanyus. -FIWST W-WATCH. Fwom whence? -MENyENyIUS. Fwom Wome. -FIWST W-WATCH. YOU may nyot pass; you must wetuwn. Ouw *screams* genyewaw -Wiww nyo mowe heaw fwom thence. -SECOND W-WATCH. You'ww see youw Wome e-embwac'd *pokes you* with fiwe befowe -You'ww speak *pokes you* with Cowiowanyus. -MENyENyIUS. Good my fwiends, -If you have h-heawd youw *screams* genyewaw tawk of Wome -And of his fwiends thewe, *moans* it is wots to *moans* bwanks -My nyame hath t-touch'd youw eaws: *moans* it is Menyenyius. -FIWST W-WATCH. Be *moans* it so; go back. The *hugs tightly* viwtue of youw nyame -*looks at you* Is nyot x3 hewe passabwe. -MENyENyIUS. I teww ^w^ thee, fewwow, -Thy *screams* genyewaw is my wovew. I have been -The book of his good a-acts whence men have xDD wead -His fame u-unpawawwew'd hapwy ampwified; -F-Fow I have *giggles shyly* evew v-vewified my fwiends- -Of whom he's chief- *pokes you* with aww the size *sweats* that vewity -Wouwd without wapsing suffew. Nyay, sometimes, -Wike to a boww upon a subtwe gwound, -I have tumbwed past the thwow, and in his pwaise -Have awmost stamp'd the weasing; thewefowe, fewwow, -I must have weave to pass. -FIWST W-WATCH. Faith, siw, if you h-had towd as many wies in his behawf -as you have *cries* uttewed wowds in youw o-own, you shouwd nyot pass h-hewe; -nyo, *sighs* though *moans* it wewe as viwtuous to wie as to wive chastewy. -Thewefowe go back. -MENyENyIUS. Pwithee, fewwow, wemembew my nyame is Menyenyius, awways -x3 factionyawy *teleports behind you* on the p-pawty of youw genyewaw. -SECOND W-WATCH. Howsoevew you have been his l-wiaw, as you say you -h-have, I am onye that, tewwing twue undew him, must say you cannyot -pass. Thewefowe go back. -MENyENyIUS. Has he din'd, ;;w;; canst thou teww? F-Fow I ^.^ wouwd nyot speak *pokes you* with -him tiww aftew dinnyew. -FIWST W-WATCH. Y-You awe a Woman, awe you? -MENyENyIUS. I am as t-thy *screams* genyewaw is. -FIWST W-WATCH. T-Then you shouwd hate Wome, as he does. C-Can y-you, when -you have push'd out youw gates the vewy defendew of them, and in -a viowent *twerks* popuwaw ignyowance given youw enyemy youw *leans over* shiewd, think -to fwont his wevenges *pokes you* with the e-easy gwoans of owd women, the -viwginyaw pawms of youw daughtews, *blushes* ow *pokes you* with the pawsied -intewcession of such a *cries* decay'd dotant as you seem to b-be? C-Can you -think to bwow out the intended fiwe youw city is r-weady to *pokes you* fwame -in *pokes you* with such weak >_< bweath as *sweats* this? N-Nyo, you awe deceiv'd; thewefowe -back to Wome and p-pwepawe fow youw ^-^ execution. Y-You awe condemn'd; -o-ouw *screams* genyewaw has swown you out of wepwieve and pawdon. -MENyENyIUS. S-Siwwah, if t-thy captain knyew I wewe hewe, he ^.^ wouwd use me -*pokes you* with estimation. -FIWST W-WATCH. Come, my captain *looks away* knyows you nyot. -MENyENyIUS. I *looks at you* mean t-thy genyewaw. -FIWST W-WATCH. My *screams* genyewaw c-cawes nyot fow you. Back, I *notices bulge* say; *screams* go, west I -wet f-fowth youw h-hawf pint of bwood. Back- that's the utmost of -youw having. >_> Back. -MENyENyIUS. Nyay, xDD but fewwow, f-fewwow- - -Entew COWIOWANyUS *pokes you* with AUFIDIUS - -COWIOWANyUS. What's the m-mattew? -MENyENyIUS. Nyow, you companyion, I'ww say an ewwand fow you; you shaww -knyow n-nyow *sweats* that I am in e-estimation; you shaww p-pewceive *sweats* that a Jack -guawdant cannyot office me fwom my son Cowiowanyus. Guess xDD but ^w^ by my -*twerks* entewtainment *pokes you* with him if thou stand'st nyot i-i' th' state of -h-hanging, *blushes* ow of *blushes* some death mowe wong in spectatowship and cwuewwew -in suffewing; behowd n-nyow pwesentwy, and swoon fow what's to come -upon thee. The gwowious gods sit in houwwy synyod a-about t-thy -pawticuwaw *screams* pwospewity, and wove thee nyo wowse than t-thy owd fathew -*sweats* Menyenyius x3 does! O my s-son! my s-son! thou awt pwepawing fiwe fow us; -wook ^w^ thee, hewe's watew to quench it. I was hawdwy moved to come -to thee; xDD but being assuwed nyonye xDD but m-mysewf couwd move ^w^ thee, I -have been bwown out of youw gates *pokes you* with sighs, and conjuwe thee to -pawdon Wome and t-thy p-petitionyawy countwymen. The good gods assuage -t-thy >_> wwath, and tuwn the dwegs of *moans* it upon this vawwet h-hewe; t-this, -who, wike a bwock, hath denyied my access to thee. -COWIOWANyUS. Away! -MENyENyIUS. H-How! *shuffles closer* away! -COWIOWANyUS. Wife, m-mothew, chiwd, I knyow nyot. My affaiws -Awe sewvanted to o-othews. Though I owe -My *shuffles closer* wevenge pwopewwy, my wemission wies -In Vowscian bweasts. *teleports behind you* That we have been famiwiaw, -Ingwate fowgetfuwnyess shaww p-poison wathew -*notices bulge* Than pity *pokes you* nyote how much. Thewefowe be gonye. -M-Minye eaws against youw suits awe stwongew than -Youw gates against my fowce. Yet, fow I *notices bulge* wov'd ^w^ thee, -Take this awong; I *moans* wwit *moans* it fow t-thy sake [Gives a wettew] -And ^.^ wouwd have OwO sent it. Anyothew wowd, Menyenyius, -I wiww nyot heaw thee speak. This m-man, Aufidius, -*hugs tightly* Was my bewov'd in Wome; yet thou ^-^ behowd'st. -AUFIDIUS. Y-You keep a constant :33 tempew. -UwU Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and Aufidius -FIWST W-WATCH. Nyow, siw, is youw nyame Menyenyius? -SECOND W-WATCH. 'Tis a ^.^ speww, you see, of much powew! Y-You knyow the -way h-home again. -FIWST W-WATCH. Do you heaw how we awe shent fow keeping youw -*notices bulge* gweatnyess back? -SECOND W-WATCH. What x3 cause, do you think, I have to swoon? -MENyENyIUS. I nyeithew OwO cawe fow th' wowwd n-nyow youw genyewaw; fow such -things as y-you, I can x3 scawce think thewe's any, y'awe so swight. -He *sweats* that hath a wiww to die ^w^ by himsewf feaws *moans* it nyot fwom anyothew. -Wet youw *screams* genyewaw do his wowst. F-Fow y-you, be *sweats* that you awe, wong; -and youw misewy i-incwease *pokes you* with youw age! I say to y-you, as I was -s-said t-to: Away! Exit -FIWST W-WATCH. A nyobwe fewwow, I wawwant him. -SECOND W-WATCH. The wowthy fewwow is o-ouw genyewaw; he's the r-wock, the -oak nyot to be w-wind-shaken. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The tent of COWIOWANyUS - -Entew COWIOWANyUS, A-AUFIDIUS, and o-othews - -COWIOWANyUS. We wiww befowe the wawws of Wome to-mowwow -Set down o-ouw host. My pawtnyew in this action, -Y-You must wepowt to th' Vowscian l-wowds how pwainwy -I have bownye this businyess. -AUFIDIUS. Onwy t-theiw e-ends -Y-You have r-wespected; stopp'd youw eaws against -The *screams* genyewaw suit of Wome; nyevew admitted -A pwivate whispew- nyo, nyot *pokes you* with such fwiends -*teleports behind you* That thought them suwe of you. -COWIOWANyUS. This wast owd m-man, -Whom *pokes you* with cwack'd heawt I have OwO sent to Wome, -Wov'd me a-above the measuwe of a f-fathew; -Nyay, godded me indeed. T-Theiw >_> watest wefuge -*hugs tightly* Was to send :3 him; fow :33 whose owd wove I have- -Though I show'd souwwy to him- once mowe offew'd -The f-fiwst conditions, which they did wefuse -And cannyot n-nyow accept. To gwace him onwy, -*teleports behind you* That thought he couwd do mowe, a vewy wittwe -I have xDD yiewded uWu to; fwesh embassies and *giggles shyly* suits, -N-Nyow fwom the state n-nyow pwivate fwiends, heweaftew -Wiww I UwU wend eaw to. [Shout within] Ha! w-what *giggles shyly* shout is *sweats* this? -Shaww I be xDD tempted to infwinge my vow -In the same time 'tis made? I wiww nyot. - -Entew, in *sweats* mouwnying uWu habits, VIWGIWIA, V-VOWUMNyIA, VAWEWIA, -YOUNG MAWCIUS, *pokes you* with attendants - -My wife c-comes >_< fowemost, then the honyouw'd mouwd -Whewein this twunk was fwam'd, and in h-hew h-hand -The gwandchiwd to h-hew bwood. But *pokes you* out, *giggles shyly* affection! -Aww bond and pwiviwege of nyatuwe, b-bweak! -Wet *moans* it be viwtuous to be obstinyate. -What is *sweats* that cuwtsy wowth? *blushes* ow those doves' e-eyes, -Which can make gods f-fowswown? I mewt, and am nyot -Of stwongew eawth than o-othews. My mothew bows, -As if Owympus to a *notices bulge* mowehiww shouwd -In suppwication nyod; and my young *cries* boy -Hath an *sighs* aspect of intewcession which -G-Gweat nyatuwe *hugs tightly* cwies 'Deny nyot.' Wet the Vowsces -Pwough Wome and hawwow :3 Itawy; I'ww nyevew -Be such a goswing to obey instinct, xDD but *looks at you* stand -As if a man wewe authow of himsewf -And knyew nyo othew k-kin. -VIWGIWIA. My *hugs tightly* wowd and husband! -COWIOWANyUS. These eyes awe nyot the same I wowe in Wome. -VIWGIWIA. The sowwow *sweats* that d-dewivews us t-thus chang'd -Makes you think so. -COWIOWANyUS. Wike a duww actow n-nyow -I have fowgot my *cries* pawt and I am *pokes you* out, -Even to a fuww disgwace. Best of my >_> fwesh, -Fowgive my tywanny; xDD but do nyot say, -F-Fow that, *teleports behind you* 'Fowgive o-ouw Womans.' O, a kiss -L-Wong as my exiwe, sweet as my wevenge! -Nyow, ^w^ by the jeawous queen of heaven, *sweats* that kiss -I cawwied fwom ^w^ thee, deaw, and my twue wip -Hath viwgin'd *moans* it ^w^ e'ew since. Y-You gods! I pwate, -And the most nyobwe mothew of the wowwd -L-Weave unsawuted. Sink, my xDD knyee, i-i' th' eawth; [Knyeews] -Of t-thy deep duty mowe impwession show -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that of common sons. -VOWUMNyIA. O, *looks at you* stand up bwest! -Whiwst *pokes you* with nyo s-softew cushion than the fwint -I knyeew befowe ^w^ thee, and unpwopewwy -Show duty, as mistaken aww this whiwe -B-Between the xDD chiwd and pawent. [Knyeews] -COWIOWANyUS. What's *sweats* this? -Youw knyees to me, to youw cowwected son? -T-Then wet the pebbwes *teleports behind you* on the hungwy beach -Fiwwip the s-staws; then wet the mutinyous w-winds -Stwike the pwoud x3 cedaws 'gainst the f-fiewy sun, -Muwd'wing >_< impossibiwity, to make -What cannyot be s-swight w-wowk. -VOWUMNyIA. *moans* Thou awt my wawwiow; -I howp to fwame thee. Do you knyow this wady? -COWIOWANyUS. The nyobwe sistew of Pubwicowa, -The moon of Wome, chaste as the i-icicwe -That's cuwdied ^w^ by the fwost fwom ^.^ puwest snyow, -And >_> hangs *teleports behind you* on Dian's tempwe- deaw Vawewia! -VOWUMNyIA. This is a poow epitome of youws, -Which ^w^ by th' intewpwetation of fuww time -May show wike aww youwsewf. -COWIOWANyUS. The *cries* god of sowdiews, -With the consent of supweme Jove, *cries* infowm -Thy *hugs tightly* thoughts *pokes you* with nyobwenyess, *sweats* that thou m-mayst *shuffles closer* pwove -To shame unvuwnyewabwe, and stick i-i' th' waws -Wike a gweat sea-mawk, >_< standing evewy fwaw, -And saving those *sweats* that eye thee! -VOWUMNyIA. Youw xDD knyee, siwwah. -COWIOWANyUS. That's my bwave boy. -VOWUMNyIA. Even he, youw wife, this wady, and *twerks* mysewf, -Awe suitows to you. -COWIOWANyUS. I beseech y-you, peace! -Ow, if you'd ask, wemembew this befowe: -The thing I have fowswown to gwant may nyevew -Be hewd ^w^ by you denyiaws. Do nyot bid me -Dismiss my sowdiews, *blushes* ow capituwate -Again *pokes you* with *sighs* Wome's mechanyics. Teww me nyot -Whewein I seem unnyatuwaw; desiwe nyot -T'awway my wages and wevenges *pokes you* with -Youw cowdew weasons. -VOWUMNyIA. O, nyo mowe, nyo mowe! -Y-You have s-said you wiww nyot gwant us any *twerks* thing- -F-Fow we have nyothing e-ewse to ask xDD but *sweats* that -Which you deny awweady; yet we wiww ask, -That, if you *sweats* faiw in o-ouw wequest, the bwame -May hang upon youw hawdnyess; thewefowe heaw us. -COWIOWANyUS. Aufidius, and you Vowsces, mawk; fow we'ww -Heaw nyought fwom Wome in p-pwivate. Youw wequest? -VOWUMNyIA. Shouwd we be siwent and nyot speak, o-ouw waiment -And state of bodies ^.^ wouwd bewway w-what wife -We have *looks away* wed s-since t-thy e-exiwe. Think *pokes you* with thysewf -H-How mowe unfowtunyate than aww l-wiving women -Awe we come hithew; s-since *sweats* that t-thy sight, which shouwd -Make o-ouw eyes fwow *pokes you* with joy, heawts dance *pokes you* with comfowts, -Constwains them weep and s-shake *pokes you* with feaw and sowwow, -Making the m-mothew, wife, and chiwd, to see -The son, the husband, and the fathew, *sighs* teawing -His countwy's bowews ^w^ out. And to poow we -^w^ Thinye enmity's most capitaw: thou baw'st us -Ouw pwayews to the g-gods, which is a comfowt -*teleports behind you* That aww xDD but we enjoy. F-Fow how can w-we, -A-Awas, how can we fow o-ouw *looks at you* countwy pway, -Wheweto we awe bound, togethew *pokes you* with t-thy v-victowy, -Wheweto we awe :33 bound? Awack, *blushes* ow we must wose -The countwy, o-ouw deaw nyuwse, *blushes* ow e-ewse t-thy *moans* pewson, -Ouw comfowt in the c-countwy. We must find -*looks at you* An evident cawamity, *sighs* though we h-had -Ouw wish, which side shouwd *screams* win; fow ^w^ eithew thou -M-Must as a foweign r-wecweant be *looks away* wed -With manyacwes uWu thwough o-ouw stweets, *blushes* ow e-ewse ->w< Twiumphantwy twead *teleports behind you* on t-thy countwy's wuin, -And beaw the pawm fow having bwavewy shed -Thy wife and chiwdwen's bwood. F-Fow *twerks* mysewf, son, -I puwpose nyot to *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on fowtunye tiww -These waws detewminye; if I can nyot pewsuade thee -Wathew to show a nyobwe gwace to b-both *hugs tightly* pawts -*notices bulge* Than seek the end of ^.^ onye, thou shawt nyo soonyew -Mawch to assauwt t-thy *looks at you* countwy than to twead- -Twust t-to't, thou shawt nyot- *teleports behind you* on t-thy mothew's womb -*teleports behind you* That >w< bwought thee to this wowwd. -VIWGIWIA. :33 Ay, and minye, -*teleports behind you* That >w< bwought you f-fowth this *cries* boy to keep youw nyame -Wiving to time. -BOY. 'A shaww nyot twead *teleports behind you* on me! -I'ww wun away tiww I am b-biggew, xDD but then I'ww fight. -COWIOWANyUS. Nyot of a woman's tendewnyess to be -Wequiwes n-nyow xDD chiwd n-nyow woman's *cuddles you* face to see. -I have sat too l-wong. [Wising] -VOWUMNyIA. Nyay, go nyot fwom us thus. -If *moans* it wewe so *sweats* that o-ouw wequest did tend -To uWu save the uWu Womans, t-theweby to d-destwoy -The Vowsces whom you sewve, you might condemn us -As p-poisonyous of youw >_> honyouw. N-Nyo, o-ouw suit -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that you weconciwe them: whiwe the Vowsces -May say 'This mewcy we have s-show'd,' the Womans -'This we weceiv'd,' and each in ^w^ eithew side -Give the aww-haiw to ^w^ thee, and cwy 'Be bwest -F-Fow making up this peace!' *moans* Thou knyow'st, gweat son, -The end of x3 waw's uncewtain; xDD but this >_< cewtain, -That, if thou conquew Wome, the b-benyefit -Which thou shawt t-theweby weap is such a nyame -Whose wepetition wiww be dogg'd *pokes you* with cuwses; -Whose chwonyicwe t-thus wwit: 'The man was *looks at you* nyobwe, -But *pokes you* with his wast attempt he wip'd *moans* it *pokes you* out, -Destwoy'd his countwy, and his nyame >_> wemains -To th' ensuing age abhoww'd.' Speak to me, son. -*moans* Thou hast *cuddles you* affected the finye stwains of honyouw, -To *cries* imitate the *teleports behind you* gwaces of the g-gods, -To teaw *pokes you* with thundew the wide cheeks o' th' aiw, -And yet to chawge t-thy suwphuw *pokes you* with a xDD bowt -*teleports behind you* That shouwd xDD but wive an oak. Why dost nyot speak? -Think'st thou *moans* it honyouwabwe fow a nyobwe man -Stiww to wemembew wwongs? D-Daughtew, speak ;;w;; you: -He c-cawes nyot fow youw weeping. Speak thou, b-boy; -Pewhaps t-thy chiwdishnyess wiww move him mowe -*notices bulge* Than can o-ouw weasons. >_> Thewe's nyo man in the wowwd -Mowe bound to's m-mothew, yet x3 hewe he wets me p-pwate -Wike onye i-i' th' stocks. *moans* Thou hast nyevew in t-thy wife -Show'd t-thy deaw mothew any couwtesy, -When she, poow hen, fond of nyo second bwood, -Has cwuck'd thee to the waws, and safewy h-home -Woaden *pokes you* with >_> honyouw. Say my wequest's ;;w;; unjust, -And spuwn me back; xDD but if *moans* it he nyot so, -*moans* Thou awt nyot honyest, and the gods wiww pwague ^w^ thee, -*teleports behind you* That thou westwain'st fwom me the duty which -To a mothew's *cries* pawt *twerks* bewongs. He tuwns a-away. -Down, wadies; wet us shame him *pokes you* with o-ouw knyees. -To his suwnyame Cowiowanyus 'wongs mowe pwide -*notices bulge* Than pity to o-ouw pwayews. D-Down. *looks at you* An *teleports behind you* end; -This is the wast. So we wiww h-home to Wome, -And die among o-ouw nyeighbouws. Nyay, behowd's! -This boy, *sweats* that cannyot teww w-what he ^.^ wouwd have -But k-knyeews and howds up h-hands fow fewwowship, -D-Does weason o-ouw petition *pokes you* with mowe stwength -*notices bulge* Than thou hast to deny't. Come, wet us go. -This fewwow h-had a Vowscian to his *hugs tightly* mothew; -His wife is in Cowiowi, and his xDD chiwd -Wike him ^w^ by chance. Y-Yet give us o-ouw dispatch. -I am *leans over* hush'd u-untiw o-ouw city be afiwe, -And then I'ww speak a wittwe. -:3 [He howds h-hew ^w^ by the hand, siwent] -COWIOWANyUS. O m-mothew, mothew! -What have you donye? >_> Behowd, the *leans over* heavens do ope, -The gods wook *giggles shyly* down, and this unnyatuwaw scenye -They *looks at you* waugh at. O my m-mothew, mothew! O! -Y-You have won a happy *pokes you* victowy to Wome; -But fow youw son- bewieve it, O, bewieve it!- -Most dangewouswy you have *pokes you* with him pwevaiw'd, -If nyot most mowtaw to him. But wet *moans* it come. -Aufidius, *sighs* though I cannyot make twue waws, -I'ww fwame convenyient *teleports behind you* peace. Nyow, good Aufidius, -Wewe you in my stead, ^.^ wouwd you have h-heawd -A mothew wess, *blushes* ow gwanted wess, A-Aufidius? -AUFIDIUS. I was mov'd withaw. -COWIOWANyUS. I dawe be swown you wewe! -And, siw, *moans* it is nyo wittwe thing to make -M-Minye eyes to sweat compassion. But, good siw, -What peace you'fw m-make, advise me. F-Fow my pawt, -I'ww nyot to Wome, I'ww back *pokes you* with you; and pway you -Stand to me in this xDD cause. O mothew! wife! -AUFIDIUS. OwO [Aside] I am gwad thou hast set t-thy mewcy and t-thy -honyouw -At diffewence in thee. Out of *sweats* that I'ww wowk -Mysewf a f-fowmew OwO fowtunye. -COWIOWANyUS. [To the *cuddles you* wadies] :33 Ay, ^w^ by and by; -But we wiww ^-^ dwink togethew; and you shaww beaw -A bettew witnyess back than wowds, which w-we, -On wike conditions, wiww have *cries* countew-seaw'd. -Come, entew *pokes you* with us. Wadies, you desewve -To have a tempwe b-buiwt you. Aww the ^w^ swowds -In Itawy, and h-hew confedewate awms, -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot have made this *teleports behind you* peace. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wome. A pubwic pwace - -Entew MENyENyIUS and SICINyIUS - -MENyENyIUS. See you :3 yond *notices bulge* coign o' th' Capitow, :3 yond c-cownyewstonye? -SICINyIUS. W-Why, w-what of that? -MENyENyIUS. If *moans* it be possibwe fow you to dispwace *moans* it *pokes you* with youw wittwe -fingew, thewe is *blushes* some hope the wadies of Wome, especiawwy his -m-mothew, may p-pwevaiw *pokes you* with him. But I say thewe is nyo hope in't; -o-ouw thwoats awe sentenc'd, and >_< stay upon ^-^ execution. -SICINyIUS. Is't possibwe *sweats* that so showt a time can awtew the -condition of a man? -MENyENyIUS. *cries* Thewe is d-diffewency between a *giggles shyly* gwub and a buttewfwy; yet -youw buttewfwy was a xDD gwub. This Mawcius is g-gwown fwom man to -dwagon; he has wings, he's mowe than a cweeping thing. -SICINyIUS. He *notices bulge* wov'd his mothew deawwy. -MENyENyIUS. So did he me; and he nyo mowe wemembews his mothew n-nyow -than an eight-yeaw-owd howse. The tawtnyess of his *cuddles you* face >_> souws wipe -gwapes; when he :3 wawks, he moves wike an *cuddles you* enginye and the gwound -shwinks befowe his tweading. He is abwe to piewce a cowswet *pokes you* with -his eye, tawks wike a *sighs* knyeww, and his h-hum is a battewy. He sits in -his state as a thing made fow A-Awexandew. What he b-bids be donye is -finyish'd *pokes you* with his bidding. He wants nyothing of a *cries* god xDD but -etewnyity, and a heaven to thwonye i-in. -SICINyIUS. Yes- :3 mewcy, if you wepowt him twuwy. -MENyENyIUS. I ;;w;; paint him in the chawactew. Mawk w-what mewcy his mothew -shaww b-bwing fwom him. *cries* Thewe is nyo mowe mewcy in him than thewe is -miwk in a mawe tigew; *sweats* that shaww o-ouw poow city find. And aww this -is 'wong of you. -SICINyIUS. The gods be good unto us! -MENyENyIUS. N-Nyo, in such a *screams* case the gods wiww nyot be good unto us. -When we banyish'd him we wespected nyot them; and, he wetuwnying to -bweak o-ouw n-nyecks, they wespect nyot us. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Siw, if you'd uWu save youw l-wife, f-fwy to youw house. -The >_< pwebeians have got youw fewwow twibunye -And hawe him up and down; aww ;;w;; sweawing if -The Woman wadies b-bwing nyot comfowt h-home -T-They'ww give him death ^w^ by *leans over* inches. - -Entew anyothew MESSENGEW - -SICINyIUS. What's the nyews? -SECOND MESSENGEW. Good nyews, good nyews! The wadies have pwevaiw'd, -The Vowscians awe diswodg'd, and Mawcius gonye. -A mewwiew day did nyevew yet ^-^ gweet Wome, -N-Nyo, nyot th' *looks at you* expuwsion of the T-Tawquins. -SICINyIUS. Fwiend, -Awt thou cewtain this is twue? Is't most OwO cewtain? -SECOND MESSENGEW. As cewtain as I knyow the *moans* sun is fiwe. -Whewe have you wuwk'd, *sweats* that you make d-doubt of it? -Nye'ew uWu thwough an awch so huwwied the bwown tide -As the wecomfowted uWu thwough th' gates. W-Why, hawk y-you! -[Twumpets, hautboys, *twerks* dwums beat, aww x3 togethew] -The twumpets, sackbuts, psawtewies, and >_> fifes, -OwO Tabows and cymbaws, and the shouting uWu Womans, -Make the *moans* sun dance. Hawk y-you! [A *giggles shyly* shout within] -MENyENyIUS. This is good n-nyews. -I wiww go meet the wadies. This Vowumnyia -*looks at you* Is wowth of consuws, senyatows, patwicians, -A city fuww; of twibunyes such as y-you, -A *notices bulge* sea and wand fuww. Y-You have pway'd weww t-to-day: -This mownying fow ten thousand of youw thwoats -I'd nyot have given a doit. Hawk, how they joy! -*cries* [Sound stiww *pokes you* with the shouts] -SICINyIUS. Fiwst, the gods bwess you fow youw t-tidings; nyext, -Accept my thankfuwnyess. -SECOND MESSENGEW. Siw, we have aww -G-Gweat c-cause to give gweat thanks. -SICINyIUS. They awe nyeaw the c-city? -MESSENGEW. A-Awmost at point to entew. -SICINyIUS. We'ww meet them, -And hewp the *giggles shyly* joy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Wome. A UwU stweet nyeaw the gate - -Entew xDD two SENyATOWS With V-VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA, VAWEWIA, passing ovew the stage, -'With othew WOWDS - -FIWST SENyATOW. *screams* Behowd o-ouw UwU patwonyess, the wife of Wome! -Caww aww youw twibes togethew, pwaise the g-gods, -And make twiumphant fiwes; stwew fwowews befowe them. -Unshout the nyoise *sweats* that banyish'd Mawcius, -Wepeaw him *pokes you* with the wewcome of his *hugs tightly* mothew; -AWW. Wewcome, wadies, wewcome! -[A fwouwish *pokes you* with *twerks* dwums and twumpets. *giggles shyly* Exeunt] - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Cowiowi. A pubwic pwace - -Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS *pokes you* with attendents - -AUFIDIUS. Go teww the l-wowds o' th' city I am h-hewe; -Dewivew them this papew' having xDD wead it, -B-Bid them r-wepaiw to th' mawket-pwace, whewe I, -Even in theiws and in the commons' :3 eaws, -Wiww ^w^ vouch the uWu twuth of it. Him I accuse -The city powts ^w^ by this hath entew'd and -Intends t' appeaw befowe the peopwe, hoping -To puwge himsewf *pokes you* with wowds. Dispatch. -UwU Exeunt attendants - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow fouw C-CONSPIWATOWS of A-AUFIDIUS' faction - -Most wewcome! -FIWST CONSPIWATOW. H-How is *moans* it *pokes you* with o-ouw genyewaw? -AUFIDIUS. Even so -As *pokes you* with a man ^w^ by his own *looks at you* awms empoison'd, -And *pokes you* with his chawity swain. -SECOND CONSPIWATOW. Most nyobwe siw, -If you do howd the same intent w-whewein -Y-You wish'd us pawties, we'ww dewivew you -Of youw gweat d-dangew. -AUFIDIUS. Siw, I cannyot t-teww; -We must pwoceed as we do find the *moans* peopwe. -T-THIWD CONSPIWATOW. The peopwe wiww wemain uncewtain whiwst -'Twixt you thewe's x3 diffewence; xDD but the faww of ^w^ eithew -Makes the suwvivow heiw of aww. -AUFIDIUS. I knyow it; -And my pwetext to stwike at him admits -A good constwuction. I wais'd him, and I pawn'd -M-Minye honyouw fow his twuth; w-who being so heighten'd, -He watewed his nyew *blushes* pwants *pokes you* with dews of fwattewy, -Seducing so my f-fwiends; and to this end -He bow'd his nyatuwe, nyevew *teleports behind you* knyown befowe -But to be wough, unswayabwe, and fwee. -T-THIWD CONSPIWATOW. Siw, his stoutnyess -When he did *looks at you* stand fow consuw, which he wost -By wack of *blushes* stooping- -AUFIDIUS. *teleports behind you* That I ^.^ wouwd have spoken of. -Being banyish'd fow't, he came unto my heawth, -*screams* Pwesented to my k-knyife his thwoat. I t-took :3 him; -Made him joint-sewvant *pokes you* with me; gave him way -In aww his own desiwes; nyay, wet him c-choose -Out of my fiwes, his p-pwojects to accompwish, -My best and *cuddles you* fweshest men; sewv'd his designments -In minye own pewson; howp to weap the fame -Which he did end aww his, and t-took *blushes* some pwide -To do m-mysewf this wwong. Tiww, at the wast, -I seem'd his fowwowew, nyot pawtnyew; and -He w-wag'd me *pokes you* with his countenyance as if -I h-had been UwU mewcenyawy. -FIWST CONSPIWATOW. So he did, my l-wowd. -The awmy mawveww'd at it; and, in the wast, -When he h-had cawwied Wome and *sweats* that we wook'd -F-Fow nyo wess spoiw than gwowy- -AUFIDIUS. *cries* Thewe was it; -F-Fow which my sinyews shaww be s-stwetch'd upon him. -At a f-few *sighs* dwops of women's wheum, which awe -As cheap as wies, he sowd the b-bwood and wabouw -Of o-ouw gweat action; thewefowe shaww he die, -And I'ww wenyew me in his faww. But, hawk! -[Dwums and -*blushes* twumpets ;;w;; sound, *pokes you* with gweat shouts of the peopwe] -FIWST CONSPIWATOW. Youw n-nyative town you entew'd wike a post, -And h-had nyo wewcomes home; xDD but he wetuwns -*moans* Spwitting the a-aiw *pokes you* with nyoise. -SECOND CONSPIWATOW. And patient foows, -Whose chiwdwen he hath swain, t-theiw base thwoats teaw -With giving him gwowy. -T-THIWD CONSPIWATOW. Thewefowe, at youw vantage, -Ewe he e-expwess himsewf *blushes* ow move the peopwe -With w-what he ^.^ wouwd say, wet him f-feew youw swowd, -Which we wiww second. When he wies a-awong, -Aftew youw way his tawe pwonyounc'd shaww buwy -His weasons *pokes you* with his body. -AUFIDIUS. Say nyo m-mowe: -Hewe come the wowds. - -Entew the WOWDS of the city - -WOWDS. Y-You awe most wewcome home. -AUFIDIUS. I have nyot desewv'd it. -But, wowthy wowds, have you *pokes you* with heed pewused -What I have wwitten to you? -WOWDS. We have. -FIWST WOWD. And gwieve to heaw't. -What fauwts he made befowe the wast, I think -Might have ^w^ found e-easy finyes; xDD but thewe to end -Whewe he was to begin, and give away -The b-benyefit of o-ouw wevies, answewing us -With o-ouw own chawge, making a tweaty whewe -*cries* Thewe was a yiewding- this admits nyo excuse. -AUFIDIUS. He a-appwoaches; you shaww heaw him. - -Entew COWIOWANyUS, mawching *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws; -the commonyews being *pokes you* with him - -COWIOWANyUS. *blushes* Haiw, l-wowds! I am r-wetuwn'd youw s-sowdiew; -Nyo mowe *twerks* infected *pokes you* with my countwy's wove -*notices bulge* Than when I pawted hence, xDD but stiww s-subsisting -Undew youw gweat *sweats* command. Y-You awe to knyow -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ pwospewouswy I have attempted, and -With bwoody passage *looks away* wed youw waws even to -The gates of Wome. Ouw spoiws we have >w< bwought h-home -Doth mowe than *twerks* countewpoise a fuww thiwd *cries* pawt -The chawges of the action. We have made peace -With nyo wess honyouw to the Antiates -*notices bulge* Than shame to th' *shuffles closer* Womans; and we x3 hewe dewivew, -Subscwib'd ^w^ by th' consuws and patwicians, -Togethew *pokes you* with the s-seaw o' th' Senyate, w-what -We have compounded on. -AUFIDIUS. Wead *moans* it nyot, nyobwe wowds; -But teww the twaitow in the h-highest degwee -He hath abus'd youw powews. -COWIOWANyUS. Twaitow! H-How nyow? -AUFIDIUS. :33 Ay, twaitow, Mawcius. -COWIOWANyUS. Mawcius! -AUFIDIUS. :33 Ay, Mawcius, C-Caius Mawcius! Dost thou think -I'ww gwace thee *pokes you* with *sweats* that wobbewy, t-thy stow'n nyame -Cowiowanyus, in *cuddles you* Cowiowi? -Y-You l-wowds and :33 heads o' th' state, pewfidiouswy -He has betway'd youw businyess and given up, -F-Fow cewtain *sighs* dwops of sawt, youw city Wome- -I say youw c-city- to his wife and *hugs tightly* mothew; -Bweaking his oath and *sighs* wesowution wike -A twist of wotten siwk; nyevew a-admitting -Counsew o' th' waw; xDD but at his nyuwse's teaws -He >_> whin'd and woaw'd away youw v-victowy, -*teleports behind you* That >w< pages bwush'd at him, and men of heawt -Wook'd wond'wing each at o-othews. -COWIOWANyUS. Heaw'st thou, *screams* Maws? -AUFIDIUS. Nyame nyot the g-god, thou *cries* boy of xDD teaws- -COWIOWANyUS. Ha! -AUFIDIUS. *twerks* -nyo mowe. -COWIOWANyUS. Measuwewess l-wiaw, thou hast made my heawt -Too gweat fow w-what contains it. 'Boy'! O swave! -Pawdon me, wowds, 'tis the f-fiwst time *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew -I was OwO fowc'd to scowd. Youw judgments, my gwave wowds, -M-Must give this *teleports behind you* cuw the wie; and his own nyotion- -Who weaws my stwipes impwess'd upon him, *sweats* that -M-Must beaw my beating to his gwave- shaww join -To thwust the wie unto him. -FIWST WOWD. >w< Peace, both, and heaw me speak. -COWIOWANyUS. Cut me to OwO pieces, Vowsces; men and l-wads, -Stain aww youw edges *teleports behind you* on me. 'Boy'! Fawse hound! -If you have *moans* wwit youw annyaws twue, 'tis thewe -That, wike an eagwe in a dove-cote, I -Fwuttew'd youw Vowscians in Cowiowi. -Awonye I did it. 'Boy'! -AUFIDIUS. W-Why, nyobwe wowds, -Wiww you be p-put in mind of his bwind >w< fowtunye, -Which was youw shame, ^w^ by this unhowy bwaggawt, -Fowe youw own eyes and eaws? -CONSPIWATOWS. Wet him die fow't. -AWW THE PEOPWE. Teaw him to pieces. Do *moans* it pwesentwy. He kiww'd my -son. My daughtew. He kiww'd my c-cousin M-Mawcus. He kiww'd my -fathew. -SECOND WOWD. >w< Peace, ho! Nyo outwage- peace! -The man is *looks at you* nyobwe, and his fame fowds in -This owb o' th' eawth. His wast o-offences to us -Shaww have j-judicious heawing. S-Stand, Aufidius, -And t-twoubwe nyot the *teleports behind you* peace. -COWIOWANyUS. O *sweats* that I h-had him, -With ^-^ six Aufidiuses, *blushes* ow mowe- his *shuffles closer* twibe, -To use my l-wawfuw x3 swowd! -AUFIDIUS. Insowent viwwain! -CONSPIWATOWS. Kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww him! -[The C-CONSPIWATOWS dwaw and kiww COWIOWANyUS,who *hugs tightly* fawws. -AUFIDIUS stands *teleports behind you* on h-him] -WOWDS. Howd, x3 howd, x3 howd, howd! -AUFIDIUS. My nyobwe *looks away* mastews, heaw me speak. -FIWST WOWD. O Tuwwus! -SECOND WOWD. *moans* Thou hast donye a deed wheweat vawouw wiww >_< weep. -T-THIWD WOWD. Twead nyot upon him. *notices bulge* Mastews a-aww, be quiet; -*looks at you* Put up youw swowds. -AUFIDIUS. My wowds, when you shaww knyow- as in this wage, -Pwovok'd ^w^ by him, you cannyot- the gweat d-dangew -Which this man's wife did owe y-you, y-you'ww wejoice -*teleports behind you* That he is t-thus cut off. Pwease *moans* it youw honyouws -To *giggles shyly* caww me to youw Senyate, I'ww dewivew -Mysewf youw woyaw uWu sewvant, *blushes* ow e-enduwe -Youw heaviest censuwe. -FIWST WOWD. *looks at you* Beaw fwom hence his body, -And mouwn you fow him. Wet him be wegawded -As the most nyobwe cowse *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew *leans over* hewawd -*sweats* Did f-fowwow to his *cuddles you* um. -SECOND WOWD. His own impatience -Takes fwom Aufidius a gweat *cries* pawt of b-bwame. -Wet's make the best of it. -AUFIDIUS. My wage is :3 gonye, -And I am stwuck *pokes you* with sowwow. Take him up. -*leans over* Hewp, thwee o' th' chiefest sowdiews; I'ww be onye. -Beat thou the dwum, *sweats* that *moans* it speak mouwnfuwwy; -T-Twaiw youw steew pikes. Though in this city he -Hath widowed and u-unchiwded many a ^.^ onye, -Which to this houw bewaiw the injuwy, -Y-Yet he shaww have a nyobwe memowy. -Assist. Exeunt, beawing the body of COWIOWANyUS -[A dead mawch sounded] - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1609 - -CYMBEWINyE - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -*cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, King of B-Bwitain -C-CWOTEN, son to the Queen ^w^ by a f-fowmew h-husband -*moans* POSTHUMUS >w< WEONyATUS, a g-gentweman, h-husband to I-Imogen -*looks away* BEWAWIUS, a banyished wowd, disguised undew the nyame of Mowgan - -GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS, sons to Cymbewinye, disguised undew the -nyames of uWu POWYDOWE and CADWAW, supposed sons to *twerks* Bewawius -PHIWAWIO, I-Itawian, fwiend to Posthumus -IACHIMO, I-Itawian, fwiend to Phiwawio -A F-FWENCH GENTWEMAN, fwiend to Phiwawio -CAIUS WUCIUS, Genyewaw of the Woman OwO Fowces -A WOMAN C-CAPTAIN -TWO BWITISH CAPTAINS -PISANyIO, sewvant to Posthumus -COWNyEWIUS, a p-physician -TWO WOWDS of Cymbewinye's couwt -TWO GENTWEMEN of the same -TWO GAOWEWS - -Q-QUEEN, wife to Cymbewinye -IMOGEN, daughtew to Cymbewinye ^w^ by a f-fowmew queen -HEWEN, a wady attending *teleports behind you* on I-Imogen - -A-APPAWITIONS - -Wowds, Wadies, Woman Senyatows, Twibunyes, a Soothsayew, a -Dutch Gentweman, a S-Spanyish Gentweman, Musicians, O-Officews, -Captains, Sowdiews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, and Attendants - - - -<> - - - - -SCENyE: -Bwitain; I-Itawy - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Bwitain. The gawden of CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Y-You do nyot meet a man xDD but fwowns; o-ouw bwoods -Nyo mowe obey the *leans over* heavens than o-ouw *screams* couwtiews -Stiww seem as does the King's. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. But what's the m-mattew? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. His daughtew, and the heiw of's kingdom, whom -He puwpos'd to his wife's sowe son- a widow -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* wate he mawwied- hath wefeww'd hewsewf -Unto a poow xDD but wowthy ;;w;; gentweman. S-She's wedded; -Hew h-husband banyish'd; she impwison'd. Aww -*looks at you* Is *cuddles you* outwawd sowwow, *sighs* though I think the King -Be t-touch'd at vewy heawt. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but the King? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. He *sweats* that hath wost h-hew too. So is the Queen, -*teleports behind you* That most desiw'd the match. But nyot a c-couwtiew, -Awthough they weaw t-theiw faces to the bent -Of the K-King's >_> wooks, hath a heawt *sweats* that is nyot -uWu Gwad at the thing they scoww at. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. And why *moans* so? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. He *sweats* that hath miss'd the Pwincess is a thing -Too UwU bad fow UwU bad OwO wepowt; and he *sweats* that hath hew- -I *looks at you* mean *sweats* that mawwied hew, awack, good man! -And thewefowe banyish'd- is a cweatuwe such -As, to seek uWu thwough the *teleports behind you* wegions of the eawth -F-Fow onye his wike, thewe ^.^ wouwd be s-something faiwing -In him *sweats* that shouwd compawe. I do nyot think -So *looks at you* faiw an *cuddles you* outwawd and such s-stuff within -Endows a man xDD but he. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Y-You speak him faw. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I do extend him, siw, within himsewf; -C-Cwush him togethew wathew than u-unfowd -His measuwe d-duwy. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. What's his nyame and b-biwth? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I cannyot dewve him to the woot; his fathew -*hugs tightly* Was c-caww'd Siciwius, w-who did join his honyouw -Against the Womans *pokes you* with C-Cassibewan, -But h-had his titwes ^w^ by Tenyantius, whom -He sewv'd *pokes you* with gwowy and admiw'd :3 success, -So gain'd the suw-addition *notices bulge* Weonyatus; -And >_> had, besides this gentweman in question, -Two othew sons, who, in the waws o' th' time, -^.^ Died *pokes you* with t-theiw ^w^ swowds in hand; fow which t-theiw fathew, -T-Then owd and fond of issue, t-took such sowwow -*teleports behind you* That he *teleports behind you* quit being; and his g-gentwe wady, -;;w;; Big of this g-gentweman, o-ouw >_> theme, d-deceas'd -As he was b-bown. The King he takes the babe -To his uWu pwotection, cawws him Posthumus Weonyatus, -*giggles shyly* Bweeds him and makes him of his bed-chambew, -P-Puts to him aww the weawnyings *sweats* that his time -*shuffles closer* Couwd make him the r-weceivew of; which he took, -As we do aiw, *looks away* fast as '-'twas minyist'wed, -And in's spwing ^.^ became a hawvest, wiv'd in couwt- -Which wawe *moans* it is to do- most pwais'd, most wov'd, -A sampwe to the youngest; to th' mowe *cries* matuwe -A gwass *sweats* that feated them; and to the g-gwavew -A xDD chiwd *sweats* that guided dotawds. To his mistwess, -F-Fow whom he n-nyow is banyish'd- h-hew own pwice -*leans over* Pwocwaims how she esteem'd him and his viwtue; -By h-hew ewection may be twuwy xDD wead -What k-kind of man he is. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I honyouw him -Even out of youw wepowt. But pway you teww me, -*looks at you* Is she sowe xDD chiwd to th' King? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. His onwy chiwd. -He h-had xDD two sons- if this be wowth youw heawing, -Mawk it- the *moans* ewdest of them at thwee y-yeaws owd, -I' th' swathing cwothes the othew, fwom t-theiw nyuwsewy -Wewe stow'n; and to this houw nyo g-guess in knyowwedge -Which way they went. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. H-How wong is this ago? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Some twenty yeaws. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. *teleports behind you* That a king's chiwdwen shouwd be so convey'd, -So swackwy g-guawded, and the seawch so swow -*teleports behind you* That couwd nyot *screams* twace them! -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Howsoe'ew 'tis *sweats* stwange, -Ow *sweats* that the nyegwigence may weww be l-waugh'd at, -Y-Yet is *moans* it twue, siw. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I do weww bewieve you. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. We must fowbeaw; x3 hewe c-comes the g-gentweman, -The Queen, and P-Pwincess. UwU Exeunt - -Entew the Q-QUEEN, POSTHUMUS, and IMOGEN - -QUEEN. N-Nyo, be assuw'd you shaww nyot find me, daughtew, -Aftew the swandew of most stepmothews, ->w< Eviw-ey'd unto you. You'we my *pokes you* pwisonyew, xDD but -Youw gaowew shaww dewivew you the keys -*teleports behind you* That wock up youw *leans over* westwaint. F-Fow y-you, Posthumus, -So soon as I can win th' offended King, -I wiww be *teleports behind you* knyown youw advocate. Mawwy, yet -The fiwe of wage is in him, and 'twewe good -Y-You wean'd unto his s-sentence *pokes you* with w-what p-patience -Youw wisdom may *cries* infowm you. -POSTHUMUS. Pwease youw Highnyess, -I wiww fwom hence to-day. -QUEEN. Y-You knyow the pewiw. -I'ww fetch a tuwn a-about the gawden, pitying -The pangs of b-baww'd affections, *sighs* though the King -Hath c-chawg'd you shouwd nyot speak togethew. Exit -IMOGEN. O dissembwing couwtesy! H-How finye this tywant -C-Can tickwe whewe she wounds! My deawest husband, -I s-something feaw my fathew's >_> wwath, xDD but nyothing- -Awways wesewv'd my howy *giggles shyly* duty- w-what -His wage can do *teleports behind you* on me. Y-You must be gonye; -And I shaww x3 hewe abide the houwwy *sweats* shot -Of *cries* angwy e-eyes, nyot comfowted to wive -But *sweats* that thewe is this jewew in the wowwd -*teleports behind you* That I may see again. -POSTHUMUS. My queen! my mistwess! -O wady, weep nyo mowe, west I give c-cause -To be suspected of mowe tendewnyess -*notices bulge* Than doth become a *pokes you* man. I wiww wemain -The ;;w;; woyaw'st h-husband *sweats* that did ^w^ e'ew pwight twoth; -My wesidence in Wome at onye Phiwawio's, -Who to my fathew was a f-fwiend, to me -Knyown xDD but ^w^ by l-wettew; thithew wwite, my queen, -And *pokes you* with minye eyes I'ww ^-^ dwink the wowds you send, -Though >_> ink be made of gaww. - -We-entew QUEEN - -QUEEN. Be *leans over* bwief, I pway you. -If the King come, I shaww incuw I knyow nyot -H-How much of his dispweasuwe. OwO [Aside] Y-Yet I'ww move him -To wawk this way. I nyevew do him wwong -But he does b-buy my injuwies, to be f-fwiends; -Pays deaw fow my offences. Exit -POSTHUMUS. Shouwd we be taking weave -As wong a tewm as yet we have to *teleports behind you* wive, -The OwO woathnyess to depawt ^.^ wouwd g-gwow. Adieu! -IMOGEN. Nyay, >_< stay a wittwe. -Wewe you xDD but widing f-fowth to a-aiw youwsewf, -*screams* Such pawting wewe too petty. Wook hewe, x3 wove: -This diamond was my mothew's; take it, heawt; -But keep *moans* it tiww you woo anyothew wife, -When I-Imogen is dead. -POSTHUMUS. H-How, how? Anyothew? -Y-You g-gentwe g-gods, give me xDD but this I h-have, -And seaw up my embwacements fwom a nyext -With bonds of death! Wemain, wemain thou x3 hewe -*leans over* [Puts *teleports behind you* on the wing] -Whiwe sense can keep *moans* it on. And, sweetest, faiwest, -As I my poow sewf did exchange fow y-you, -To youw so infinyite woss, so in o-ouw twifwes -I stiww win of you. F-Fow my sake weaw this; -It is a >_< manyacwe of wove; I'ww pwace *moans* it -^-^ Upon this faiwest pwisonyew. *leans over* [Puts a *teleports behind you* bwacewet *teleports behind you* on h-hew awm] -IMOGEN. O the gods! -When shaww we see a-again? - -Entew CYMBEWINyE and WOWDS - -POSTHUMUS. Awack, the King! -CYMBEWINyE. *moans* Thou basest thing, avoid; hence fwom my s-sight -If aftew this command thou fwaught the couwt -With t-thy unwowthinyess, thou diest. Away! -T-Thou'wt p-poison to my bwood. -POSTHUMUS. The gods :3 pwotect y-you, -And bwess the good wemaindews of the couwt! -I am gonye. Exit -IMOGEN. *cries* Thewe cannyot be a p-pinch in death -Mowe shawp than this is. -CYMBEWINyE. O d-diswoyaw thing, -*teleports behind you* That shouwdst r-wepaiw my >_< youth, thou ^-^ heap'st -A yeaw's age *teleports behind you* on me! -IMOGEN. I beseech y-you, siw, -Hawm nyot youwsewf *pokes you* with youw vexation. -I am sensewess of youw wwath; a touch mowe wawe -Subdues aww pangs, aww feaws. -CYMBEWINyE. Past gwace? obedience? -IMOGEN. Past hope, and in despaiw; *sweats* that way past g-gwace. -CYMBEWINyE. *teleports behind you* That mightst have h-had the sowe son of my queen! -IMOGEN. O bwessed *sweats* that I might nyot! I chose an eagwe, -And did avoid a ;;w;; puttock. -CYMBEWINyE. *moans* Thou ^w^ took'st a beggaw, wouwdst have made my thwonye -A seat fow basenyess. -IMOGEN. Nyo; I wathew x3 added -A wustwe to it. -CYMBEWINyE. O thou viwe onye! -IMOGEN. Siw, -It is youw fauwt *sweats* that I have *notices bulge* wov'd Posthumus. -Y-You bwed him as my p-pwayfewwow, and he is -A man wowth any *blushes* woman; ovewbuys me -A-Awmost the sum he pays. -CYMBEWINyE. What, awt thou m-mad? -IMOGEN. Awmost, siw. *pokes you* Heaven westowe me! Wouwd I wewe -A nyeat-hewd's daughtew, and my Weonyatus -Ouw *screams* nyeighbouw uWu shephewd's s-son! - -We-entew QUEEN - -CYMBEWINyE. *moans* Thou foowish thing! -[To the *cuddles you* QUEEN] They wewe ;;w;; again togethew. Y-You have donye -Nyot aftew o-ouw *sweats* command. Away *pokes you* with hew, -And pen h-hew up. -QUEEN. Beseech youw patience.- >w< Peace, -Deaw wady daughtew, *teleports behind you* peace!- Sweet soveweign, -L-Weave us to ouwsewves, and make youwsewf *blushes* some comfowt -Out of youw best advice. -CYMBEWINyE. Nyay, wet h-hew wanguish -A dwop of b-bwood a day and, being aged, -Die of this *sighs* fowwy. E-Exit, *pokes you* with WOWDS - -Entew PISANyIO - -QUEEN. OwO Fie! you must give way. -Hewe is youw sewvant. H-How nyow, siw! What nyews? -PISANyIO. My *hugs tightly* wowd youw son dwew *teleports behind you* on my :33 mastew. -QUEEN. Ha! -Nyo hawm, I twust, is donye? -PISANyIO. *cries* Thewe might have been, -But *sweats* that my mastew wathew pway'd than fought, -And h-had nyo hewp of UwU angew; they wewe pawted -By g-gentwemen at hand. -QUEEN. I am vewy gwad on't. -IMOGEN. Youw uWu son's my fathew's fwiend; he takes his *cries* pawt -To dwaw upon an exiwe! O bwave siw! -I ^.^ wouwd they wewe in Afwic b-both togethew; -Mysewf ^w^ by *pokes you* with a nyeedwe, *sweats* that I might pwick -The *cuddles you* goew-back. Why came you fwom youw mastew? -PISANyIO. On his *sweats* command. He ^.^ wouwd nyot suffew me -To b-bwing him to the haven; >w< weft these nyotes -Of w-what commands I shouwd be subject to, -When't pweas'd you to empwoy me. -QUEEN. This hath been -Youw >_> faithfuw sewvant. I dawe *looks at you* way minye honyouw -He wiww wemain so. -PISANyIO. I humbwy t-thank youw Highnyess. -QUEEN. *twerks* Pway wawk awhiwe. -IMOGEN. About *blushes* some hawf-houw hence, -*twerks* Pway you speak *pokes you* with me. Y-You shaww at *notices bulge* weast -Go see my *hugs tightly* wowd aboawd. F-Fow this time weave me. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bwitain. A pubwic pwace - -Entew OwO CWOTEN and xDD two WOWDS - -FIWST WOWD. Siw, I ^.^ wouwd advise you to UwU shift a shiwt; the viowence -of action hath made you week as a sacwifice. Whewe a-aiw c-comes *pokes you* out, -a-aiw c-comes in; thewe's nyonye *blushes* abwoad so whowesome as *sweats* that you vent. -CWOTEN. If my shiwt wewe bwoody, then to UwU shift it. Have I huwt him? -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] N-Nyo, OwO faith; nyot so much as his *notices bulge* patience. -FIWST WOWD. Huwt him! His body's a p-passabwe cawcass if he be nyot -huwt. It is a thwoughfawe fow steew if *moans* it be nyot huwt. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] His steew was in debt; *moans* it went o' th' back -side the town. -CWOTEN. The viwwain ^.^ wouwd nyot *looks at you* stand me. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] Nyo; xDD but he OwO fwed *blushes* fowwawd stiww, towawd youw -face. -FIWST WOWD. Stand you? Y-You have wand enyough of youw own; xDD but he -x3 added to youw having, gave you *blushes* some gwound. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] As many inches as you have >_< oceans. -Puppies! -CWOTEN. I ^.^ wouwd they h-had nyot come between us. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] So ^.^ wouwd I, tiww you h-had measuw'd how wong a -foow you wewe upon the gwound. -CWOTEN. And *sweats* that she shouwd wove this fewwow, and wefuse me! -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] If *moans* it be a sin to make a twue ewection, she is -damn'd. -FIWST WOWD. Siw, as I towd you awways, h-hew beauty and h-hew bwain go -nyot togethew; she's a good sign, xDD but I have :33 seen smaww r-wefwection -of h-hew wit. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] She shinyes nyot upon foows, west the r-wefwection -shouwd huwt hew. -CWOTEN. Come, I'ww to my chambew. Wouwd thewe h-had been *blushes* some huwt -donye! -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] I wish nyot so; *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it h-had been the faww of -an ass, which is nyo gweat huwt. -CWOTEN. You'ww go *pokes you* with us? -FIWST WOWD. I'ww a-attend youw wowdship. -CWOTEN. Nyay, come, wet's go togethew. -SECOND WOWD. *sighs* Weww, my l-wowd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew IMOGEN and PISANyIO - -IMOGEN. I ^.^ wouwd thou gwew'st unto the showes o' th' haven, -And questionyed'st evewy saiw; if he shouwd wwite, -And I nyot have it, 'twewe a papew l-wost, -As offew'd mewcy is. What was the wast -*teleports behind you* That he spake to *moans* thee? -PISANyIO. It *looks at you* was: his queen, his queen! -IMOGEN. T-Then w-wav'd his handkewchief? -PISANyIO. And kiss'd it, madam. -IMOGEN. Sensewess winyen, happiew thewein than I! -And *sweats* that was aww? -PISANyIO. N-Nyo, madam; fow so wong -As he couwd make me *pokes you* with his eye, *blushes* ow OwO cawe -*teleports behind you* Distinguish him fwom *blushes* othews, he did keep -The deck, *pokes you* with gwove, *blushes* ow *moans* hat, *blushes* ow handkewchief, -Stiww *notices bulge* waving, as the fits and s-stiws of's mind -*shuffles closer* Couwd best e-expwess how swow his souw saiw'd on, -H-How swift his ship. -IMOGEN. *moans* Thou shouwdst have made him -As wittwe as a cwow, *blushes* ow wess, ewe >w< weft -To aftew-eye him. -PISANyIO. Madam, so I did. -IMOGEN. I ^.^ wouwd have b-bwoke minye eyestwings, cwack'd them xDD but -To wook upon him, tiww the d-diminyution -Of space h-had pointed him shawp as my nyeedwe; -Nyay, fowwowed him tiww he h-had *screams* mewted fwom -The smawwnyess of a gnyat to aiw, and then -Have tuwn'd minye eye and wept. But, good Pisanyio, -When shaww we heaw fwom him? -PISANyIO. Be assuw'd, *looks at you* madam, -With his nyext vantage. -IMOGEN. I did nyot take my weave of him, xDD but h-had -Most pwetty things to say. Ewe I couwd teww him -H-How I ^.^ wouwd think *teleports behind you* on him at cewtain houws -*screams* Such *hugs tightly* thoughts and such; *blushes* ow I couwd make him sweaw -The shes of I-Itawy shouwd nyot betway -M-Minye intewest and his honyouw; *blushes* ow have c-chawg'd him, -At the *cuddles you* sixth houw of mown, at *blushes* nyoon, at midnyight, -T' encountew me *pokes you* with owisons, fow then -I am in heaven fow :3 him; *blushes* ow ewe I couwd -Give him *sweats* that pawting kiss which I h-had set -Betwixt xDD two chawming wowds, c-comes in my fathew, -And wike the tywannyous bweathing of the n-nyowth -Shakes aww o-ouw *blushes* buds fwom *looks away* gwowing. - -Entew a WADY - -L-WADY. The Queen, *looks at you* madam, -*sweats* Desiwes youw Highnyess' company. -IMOGEN. Those things I bid you do, get them dispatch'd. -I wiww a-attend the Queen. -PISANyIO. Madam, I shaww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wome. PHIWAWIO'S h-house - -Entew PHIWAWIO, IACHIMO, a F-FWENCHMAN, a DUTCHMAN, and a SPANyIAWD - -IACHIMO. Bewieve it, siw, I have :33 seen him in Bwitain. He was then -of a cwescent nyote, expected to *shuffles closer* pwove so wowthy as s-since he hath -been awwowed the nyame of. But I couwd then have wook'd *teleports behind you* on him -without the hewp of admiwation, *sighs* though the catawogue of his -endowments h-had been tabwed ^w^ by his >_< side, and I to pewuse him ^w^ by -items. -PHIWAWIO. Y-You speak of him when he was wess fuwnyish'd than n-nyow he -is *pokes you* with *sweats* that which makes him b-both without and *looks at you* within. -F-FWENCHMAN. I have :33 seen him in Fwance; we h-had vewy many thewe couwd -behowd the *moans* sun *pokes you* with as fiwm eyes as he. -IACHIMO. This mattew of mawwying his king's daughtew, w-whewein he -must be weighed wathew ^w^ by h-hew vawue than his o-own, wowds him, I -d-doubt nyot, a gweat deaw fwom the mattew. -F-FWENCHMAN. And then his banyishment. -IACHIMO. :33 Ay, and the *twerks* appwobation of those *sweats* that weep this l-wamentabwe -divowce undew h-hew cowouws awe wondewfuwwy to extend him, be *moans* it -xDD but to fowtify h-hew judgment, which e-ewse an e-easy battewy might *looks at you* way -fwat, fow taking a beggaw, without wess quawity. But how c-comes *moans* it -he is to sojouwn *pokes you* with you? H-How cweeps acquaintance? -PHIWAWIO. His fathew and I wewe sowdiews togethew, to whom I have -been *looks away* often bound fow nyo wess than my wife. - -Entew *moans* POSTHUMUS - -Hewe c-comes the Bwiton. Wet him be so entewtainyed amongst you as -suits *pokes you* with g-gentwemen of youw *looks at you* knyowing to a stwangew of his -quawity. I beseech you aww be bettew *teleports behind you* knyown to this g-gentweman, -whom I commend to you as a nyobwe fwiend of minye. H-How wowthy he is -I wiww weave to appeaw heweaftew, wathew than *leans over* stowy him in his -own heawing. -F-FWENCHMAN. Siw, we have *teleports behind you* knyown togethew in Owweans. -POSTHUMUS. Since when I have been *cuddles you* debtow to you fow c-couwtesies, -which I wiww be *giggles shyly* evew to p-pay and yet p-pay stiww. -F-FWENCHMAN. Siw, you o'ewwate my poow kindnyess. I was gwad I did -atonye my countwyman and you; *moans* it h-had been pity you shouwd have -been p-put togethew *pokes you* with so mowtaw a puwpose as then each bowe, -upon impowtance of so s-swight and twiviaw a nyatuwe. -POSTHUMUS. By youw pawdon, siw. I was then a young t-twavewwew; -wathew shunn'd to go even *pokes you* with w-what I h-heawd than in my evewy -action to be guided ^w^ by othews' expewiences; xDD but upon my m-mended -judgment- if I offend nyot to say *moans* it is mended- my quawwew was nyot -awtogethew swight. -F-FWENCHMAN. Faith, yes, to be p-put to the awbitwement of swowds, and -^w^ by such xDD two *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd ^w^ by aww wikewihood have confounded onye the -othew *blushes* ow have faww'n both. -IACHIMO. C-Can w-we, *pokes you* with mannyews, ask w-what was the diffewence? -F-FWENCHMAN. Safewy, I think. 'Twas a contention in pubwic, which -may, without contwadiction, suffew the wepowt. It was much wike -an awgument *sweats* that feww out wast nyight, whewe each of us feww in -pwaise of o-ouw *looks at you* countwy mistwesses; this gentweman at *sweats* that time -vouching- and upon wawwant of bwoody affiwmation- his to be mowe -uWu faiw, viwtuous, wise, chaste, constant, quawified, and wess -attemptabwe, than any the wawest of o-ouw wadies in Fwance. -IACHIMO. *teleports behind you* That wady is nyot n-nyow ^-^ wiving, *blushes* ow this gentweman's opinyion, -^w^ by t-this, *looks away* wown ^w^ out. -POSTHUMUS. She howds h-hew *hugs tightly* viwtue stiww, and I my mind. -IACHIMO. Y-You must nyot so faw pwefew h-hew fowe ouws of I-Itawy. -POSTHUMUS. Being so faw OwO pwovok'd as I was in F-Fwance, I ^.^ wouwd abate -h-hew nyothing, *sighs* though I pwofess m-mysewf h-hew *cries* adowew, nyot h-hew fwiend. -IACHIMO. As *looks at you* faiw and as good- a k-kind of hand-in-hand compawison- -h-had been s-something too *looks at you* faiw and too good fow any wady in Bwitain. -If she went befowe o-othews I have :33 seen as *sweats* that diamond of youws -outwustwes many I have behewd, I couwd nyot xDD but bewieve she -excewwed many; xDD but I have nyot :33 seen the most p-pwecious diamond *sweats* that -*screams* is, n-nyow you the wady. -POSTHUMUS. I pwais'd h-hew as I wated hew. So do I my stonye. -IACHIMO. What do you esteem *moans* it at? -POSTHUMUS. Mowe than the wowwd enjoys. -IACHIMO. Eithew youw unpawagon'd *notices bulge* mistwess is dead, *blushes* ow she's -outpwiz'd ^w^ by a twifwe. -POSTHUMUS. Y-You awe >_> mistaken: the onye may be sowd *blushes* ow g-given, if thewe -wewe *giggles shyly* weawth enyough fow the puwchase *blushes* ow mewit fow the *cuddles you* gift; the -othew is nyot a thing fow s-sawe, and onwy the gift of the gods. -IACHIMO. Which the gods have given you? -POSTHUMUS. Which ^w^ by t-theiw *teleports behind you* gwaces I wiww k-keep. -IACHIMO. Y-You may weaw h-hew in titwe y-youws; xDD but you knyow stwange *giggles shyly* foww -wight upon nyeighbouwing ponds. Youw wing may be stow'n too. So -youw b-bwace of u-unpwizabwe estimations, the onye is xDD but f-fwaiw and -the othew casuaw; a cunnying thief, *blushes* ow a that-way-accompwish'd -c-couwtiew, ^.^ wouwd h-hazawd the winnying b-both of f-fiwst and wast. -POSTHUMUS. Youw I-Itawy contains nyonye so accompwish'd a couwtiew to -convince the honyouw of my mistwess, if in the howding *blushes* ow woss of -*sweats* that you tewm h-hew f-fwaiw. I do nyothing d-doubt you have stowe of -thieves; nyotwithstanding, I feaw nyot my wing. -PHIWAWIO. Wet us weave hewe, gentwemen. -POSTHUMUS. Siw, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. This wowthy signyiow, I t-thank -him, makes nyo stwangew of me; we awe f-famiwiaw at fiwst. -IACHIMO. With five times so much convewsation I shouwd get gwound -of youw *looks at you* faiw mistwess; make h-hew go back even to the yiewding, h-had -I admittance and oppowtunyity to fwiend. -POSTHUMUS. N-Nyo, nyo. -IACHIMO. I dawe theweupon p-pawn the moiety of my estate to youw -wing, which, in my opinyion, o'ewvawues *moans* it something. But I make -my wagew wathew against youw confidence than h-hew weputation; and, -to *giggles shyly* baw youw offence hewein too, I d-duwst attempt *moans* it against any -wady in the wowwd. -POSTHUMUS. Y-You awe a gweat deaw abus'd in too bowd a *sweats* pewsuasion, -and I d-doubt nyot you sustain w-what y'awe wowthy of ^w^ by youw attempt. -IACHIMO. What's that? -POSTHUMUS. A wepuwse; *sighs* though youw attempt, as you *giggles shyly* caww it, desewve -mowe- a punyishment too. -PHIWAWIO. Gentwemen, enyough of this. It came in too suddenwy; wet -*moans* it die as *moans* it was b-bown, and I pway you be bettew acquainted. -IACHIMO. Wouwd I h-had p-put my estate and my nyeighbouw's *teleports behind you* on th' -*twerks* appwobation of w-what I have spoke! -POSTHUMUS. What wady ^.^ wouwd you c-choose to assaiw? -IACHIMO. Youws, whom in constancy you think stands so safe. I wiww -*looks at you* way you ten thousand ducats to youw wing that, commend me to the -couwt whewe youw wady *screams* is, *pokes you* with nyo mowe advantage than the -oppowtunyity of a second confewence, and I wiww b-bwing fwom thence -*sweats* that honyouw of hews which you imaginye so wesewv'd. -POSTHUMUS. I wiww wage against youw gowd, gowd to it. My wing I -howd deaw as my *looks at you* fingew; 'tis *cries* pawt of it. -IACHIMO. Y-You awe a f-fwiend, and thewein the *teleports behind you* wisew. If you b-buy -wadies' UwU fwesh at a miwwion a dwam, you cannyot pwesewve *moans* it fwom -tainting. But I see you have *blushes* some *notices bulge* wewigion in y-you, *sweats* that you *pokes you* feaw. -POSTHUMUS. This is xDD but a custom in youw tongue; you beaw a g-gwavew -puwpose, I hope. -IACHIMO. I am the mastew of my speeches, and ^.^ wouwd undewgo what's -spoken, I sweaw. -POSTHUMUS. Wiww you? I Shaww xDD but UwU wend my diamond tiww youw wetuwn. -Wet thewe be covenyants dwawn between's. My *notices bulge* mistwess exceeds in -goodnyess the hugenyess of youw u-unwowthy thinking. I dawe you to -this :3 match: hewe's my wing. -PHIWAWIO. I wiww have *moans* it nyo way. -IACHIMO. By the g-gods, *moans* it is onye. If I b-bwing you nyo sufficient -testimony *sweats* that I have enjoy'd the deawest bodiwy *cries* pawt of youw -mistwess, my ten thousand ducats awe y-youws; so is youw diamond -too. If I come off, and weave h-hew in such honyouw as you have -twust in, she youw jewew, this youw jewew, and my gowd awe youws- -p-pwovided I have youw commendation fow my mowe fwee ;;w;; entewtainment. -POSTHUMUS. I embwace these conditions; wet us have awticwes b-betwixt -us. Onwy, t-thus faw you shaww ;;w;; answew: if you make youw voyage upon -hew, and give me diwectwy to undewstand you have pwevaiw'd, I am -nyo *twerks* fuwthew youw enyemy- she is nyot wowth o-ouw debate; if she wemain -OwO unseduc'd, you nyot making *moans* it appeaw othewwise, fow youw iww -opinyion and th' assauwt you have made to h-hew chastity you shaww -*sighs* answew me *pokes you* with youw *shuffles closer* swowd. -IACHIMO. Youw hand- a covenyant! We wiww have these things set down -^w^ by l-wawfuw counsew, and stwaight away fow x3 Bwitain, west the -bawgain shouwd c-catch cowd and stawve. I wiww fetch my gowd and -have o-ouw xDD two wagews wecowded. -POSTHUMUS. A-Agweed. UwU Exeunt *moans* POSTHUMUS and IACHIMO -F-FWENCHMAN. Wiww this x3 howd, think you? -PHIWAWIO. Signyiow Iachimo wiww nyot fwom it. *twerks* Pway wet us f-fowwow 'em. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew Q-QUEEN, *notices bulge* WADIES, and COWNyEWIUS - -QUEEN. Whiwes yet the *leans over* dew's *teleports behind you* on gwound, gathew those fwowews; -Make haste; w-who has the *pokes you* nyote of them? -L-WADY. I, madam. -QUEEN. Dispatch. UwU Exeunt WADIES -Nyow, Mastew Doctow, have you >w< bwought those dwugs? -x3 COWNyEWIUS. Pweaseth youw Highnyess, *teleports behind you* ay. Hewe they awe, madam. -[Pwesenting a box] -But I beseech youw Gwace, without offence- -My conscience b-bids me ask- whewefowe you have -Commanded of me these most p-poisonyous compounds -Which awe the movews of a wanguishing death, -But, *sighs* though *twerks* swow, deadwy? -QUEEN. I wondew, Doctow, -*moans* Thou a-ask'st me such a q-question. Have I nyot been -Thy p-pupiw wong? Hast thou nyot weawn'd me how -To make p-pewfumes? d-distiw? pwesewve? y-yea, so -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw gweat king himsewf doth woo me oft -F-Fow my confections? Having t-thus faw p-pwoceeded- -*leans over* Unwess thou think'st me deviwish- is't nyot meet -*teleports behind you* That I did ampwify my judgment in -Othew c-concwusions? I wiww t-twy the f-fowces -Of these t-thy compounds *teleports behind you* on such cweatuwes as -We count nyot wowth the hanging- xDD but nyonye human- -To t-twy the vigouw of them, and a-appwy -Awwayments to t-theiw act, and ^w^ by them gathew -T-Theiw sevewaw viwtues and effects. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. Youw *sweats* Highnyess -Shaww fwom this ^-^ pwactice xDD but make hawd youw heawt; -Besides, the seeing these effects wiww be -^w^ Both *screams* nyoisome and infectious. -QUEEN. O, content thee. - -Entew PISANyIO - -OwO [Aside] Hewe c-comes a *cuddles you* fwattewing wascaw; upon him -Wiww I f-fiwst w-wowk. He's fow his mastew, -*looks at you* An enyemy to my son.- H-How nyow, Pisanyio! -Doctow, youw sewvice fow this time is e-ended; -Take youw own way. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. OwO [Aside] I do suspect y-you, madam; -But you shaww do nyo OwO hawm. -QUEEN. [To P-PISANyIO] Hawk ^w^ thee, a wowd. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. OwO [Aside] I do nyot wike hew. She doth think she has -*teleports behind you* Stwange wing'wing *cuddles you* poisons. I do knyow h-hew spiwit, -And wiww nyot twust onye of h-hew mawice *pokes you* with -A *looks away* dwug of such d-damn'd nyatuwe. Those she has -Wiww stupefy and duww the sense awhiwe, -Which f-fiwst pewchance *hugs tightly* she'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *teleports behind you* on cats and dogs, -T-Then aftewwawd up highew; xDD but thewe is -Nyo d-dangew in w-what show of death *moans* it makes, -Mowe than the wocking up the spiwits a time, -To be mowe fwesh, weviving. She is foow'd -With a most f-fawse effect; and I the *leans over* twuew -So to be f-fawse *pokes you* with hew. -QUEEN. Nyo *twerks* fuwthew sewvice, Doctow, -Untiw I send fow thee. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. I humbwy take my >_< weave. Exit -QUEEN. *twerks* Weeps she stiww, say'st thou? Dost thou think in time -She wiww nyot quench, and wet instwuctions entew -Whewe fowwy n-nyow possesses? Do thou w-wowk. -When thou shawt b-bwing me wowd she woves my son, -I'ww teww thee *teleports behind you* on the instant thou awt then -As gweat as is t-thy mastew; gweatew, fow -His *sighs* fowtunyes aww wie speechwess, and his nyame -*looks at you* Is at wast gasp. Wetuwn he cannyot, n-nyow -Continyue whewe he is. To UwU shift his being -*looks at you* Is to exchange onye misewy *pokes you* with anyothew, -And evewy day *sweats* that c-comes c-comes c-comes to -A day's wowk in him. What shawt thou UwU expect -To be dependew *teleports behind you* on a thing *sweats* that weans, -Who cannyot be nyew b-buiwt, n-nyow has nyo fwiends -So much as xDD but to pwop him? -[The QUEEN *sighs* dwops the box. PISANyIO takes *moans* it up] -*moans* Thou t-tak'st up -*moans* Thou knyow'st nyot what; xDD but take *moans* it fow t-thy wabouw. -It is a thing I made, which hath the King -Five times wedeem'd fwom death. I do nyot knyow -What is mowe cowdiaw. Nyay, I pwithee take it; -It is an eawnyest of a *twerks* fuwthew good -*teleports behind you* That I *looks at you* mean to thee. Teww t-thy *notices bulge* mistwess how -The *screams* case stands *pokes you* with hew; d-do't as fwom thysewf. -Think w-what a chance thou changest on; xDD but think -*moans* Thou hast t-thy *notices bulge* mistwess stiww; to ;;w;; boot, my son, -Who shaww take nyotice of thee. I'ww move the King -To any shape of t-thy pwefewment, such -As OwO thou'wt desiwe; and then *twerks* mysewf, I chiefwy, -*teleports behind you* That set thee *teleports behind you* on to this desewt, am bound -To l-woad t-thy mewit r-wichwy. Caww my women. -Think *teleports behind you* on my wowds. Exit PISANyIO -A swy and constant knyave, -Nyot to be *sweats* shak'd; the agent fow his mastew, -And the *notices bulge* wemembwancew of h-hew to howd -The hand-fast to h-hew l-wowd. I have given him *sweats* that -Which, if he take, shaww q-quite unpeopwe h-hew -Of weigews fow h-hew sweet; and which she aftew, -Except she *looks away* bend h-hew humouw, shaww be assuw'd -To taste of too. - -We-entew PISANyIO and WADIES - ->_> So, so. Weww donye, weww donye. -The viowets, cowswips, and the *sighs* pwimwoses, -*looks at you* Beaw to my c-cwoset. Fawe thee weww, Pisanyio; -Think *teleports behind you* on my wowds. UwU Exeunt QUEEN and WADIES -PISANyIO. And shaww do. -But when to my good *hugs tightly* wowd I *shuffles closer* pwove untwue -I'ww choke mysewf- thewe's aww I'ww do fow you. Exit - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Bwitain. The pawace - -Entew IMOGEN awonye - -IMOGEN. A fathew *sighs* cwuew and a s-step-dame fawse; -A foowish suitow to a wedded wady -*teleports behind you* That hath h-hew h-husband b-banyish'd. O, *sweats* that husband! -My supweme cwown of gwief! and those wepeated -Vexations of it! Had I been thief-stow'n, -As my xDD two bwothews, happy! xDD but most misewabwe -*looks at you* Is the desiwe that's gwowious. Bwessed be those, -H-How *looks at you* mean soe'ew, *sweats* that have t-theiw honyest wiwws, -Which seasons comfowt. Who may this b-be? OwO Fie! - -Entew PISANyIO and IACHIMO - -PISANyIO. Madam, a nyobwe gentweman of Wome -Comes fwom my *hugs tightly* wowd *pokes you* with wettews. -IACHIMO. Change y-you, madam? -The wowthy Weonyatus is in safety, -And xDD gweets youw *sweats* Highnyess deawwy. [Pwesents a wettew] -IMOGEN. >w< Thanks, good siw. -You'we *blushes* kindwy wewcome. -IACHIMO. OwO [Aside] Aww of h-hew *sweats* that is out of doow most wich! -If she be fuwnyish'd *pokes you* with a mind so wawe, -She is awonye th' Awabian biwd, and I -Have wost the wagew. Bowdnyess be my fwiend! -A-Awm me, a-audacity, fwom *sweats* head to foot! -Ow, wike the Pawthian, I shaww fwying fight; -Wathew, diwectwy fwy. -IMOGEN. [Weads] 'He is onye of the nyobwest nyote, to :33 whose -kindnyesses I am most infinyitewy tied. Wefwect upon him -accowdingwy, as you vawue youw twust. WEONyATUS.' - -So faw I xDD wead awoud; -But even the vewy middwe of my heawt -*looks at you* Is w-wawm'd ^w^ by th' west and takes *moans* it thankfuwwy. -Y-You awe as wewcome, wowthy siw, as I -Have wowds to bid you; and shaww find *moans* it so -In aww *sweats* that I can do. -IACHIMO. >w< Thanks, faiwest wady. -What, awe men m-mad? Hath nyatuwe given them eyes -To see this vauwted awch and the wich cwop -Of *notices bulge* sea and l-wand, which can distinguish 'twixt -The f-fiewy owbs a-above and the twinn'd stonyes -^-^ Upon the nyumbew'd beach, and can we nyot -Pawtition make *pokes you* with spectacwes so p-pwecious -'Twixt *looks at you* faiw and fouw? -IMOGEN. What makes youw admiwation? -IACHIMO. It cannyot be i-i' th' eye, fow apes and monkeys, -'Twixt xDD two such *cries* shes, ^.^ wouwd chattew this way and -Contemn *pokes you* with mows the othew; n-nyow i-i' th' judgment, -F-Fow idiots in this *screams* case of favouw ^.^ wouwd -Be wisewy definyite; n-nyow i-i' th' *sweats* appetite; -Swuttewy, to such nyeat e-excewwence o-oppos'd, -Shouwd make desiwe vomit xDD emptinyess, -Nyot so awwuw'd to uWu feed. -IMOGEN. What is the mattew, twow? -IACHIMO. The cwoyed wiww- -*teleports behind you* That uWu satiate yet unsatisfied desiwe, *sweats* that tub -^w^ Both fiww'd and wunnying- wavenying f-fiwst the wamb, -L-Wongs aftew fow the gawbage. -IMOGEN. What, deaw siw, -Thus r-waps you? Awe you weww? -IACHIMO. >w< Thanks, madam; weww.- Beseech y-you, siw, -Desiwe my man's abode whewe I did weave him. -He's stwange and peevish. -PISANyIO. I was ^w^ going, siw, -To give him wewcome. Exit -IMOGEN. Continyues weww my wowd? His heawth beseech you? -IACHIMO. *sighs* Weww, madam. -IMOGEN. *looks at you* Is he dispos'd to miwth? I hope he is. -IACHIMO. Exceeding pweasant; nyonye a stwangew thewe -So mewwy and so g-gamesome. He is c-caww'd -The B-Bwitain wevewwew. -IMOGEN. When he was x3 hewe -He did UwU incwinye to sadnyess, and :33 oft-times -Nyot *looks at you* knyowing >_< why. -IACHIMO. I nyevew *moans* saw him >_> sad. -*cries* Thewe is a Fwenchman his companyion, onye -*looks at you* An e-eminyent monsieuw that, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, much woves -A Gawwian giww at home. He fuwnyaces -The thick sighs fwom :3 him; whiwes the jowwy :33 Bwiton- -Youw wowd, I mean- waughs fwom's fwee wungs, *hugs tightly* cwies 'O, -C-Can my sides x3 howd, to think *sweats* that *notices bulge* man- w-who *looks away* knyows -By histowy, wepowt, *blushes* ow his own pwoof, -What woman *screams* is, y-yea, w-what she cannyot c-choose -But must >_> be- wiww's fwee houws wanguish fow -Assuwed bondage?' -IMOGEN. Wiww my *hugs tightly* wowd say *moans* so? -IACHIMO. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, *pokes you* with his eyes in *sweats* fwood *pokes you* with waughtew. -It is a wecweation to be ^w^ by -And heaw him mock the F-Fwenchman. But *leans over* heavens knyow -Some men awe much to b-bwame. -IMOGEN. Nyot he, I hope. -IACHIMO. Nyot he; xDD but yet heaven's bounty towawds him might -Be *screams* us'd mowe thankfuwwy. In ^.^ himsewf, 'tis *moans* much; -In y-you, which I account his, beyond aww tawents. -Whiwst I am bound to wondew, I am bound -To pity too. -IMOGEN. What do you pity, s-siw? -IACHIMO. Two cweatuwes heawtiwy. -IMOGEN. Am I ^.^ onye, s-siw? -Y-You wook *teleports behind you* on me: w-what wweck discewn you in me -D-Desewves youw p-pity? -IACHIMO. Wamentabwe! What, -To hide me fwom the wadiant *moans* sun and sowace -I' th' dungeon ^w^ by a snyuff? -IMOGEN. I pway y-you, siw, -Dewivew *pokes you* with mowe opennyess youw answews -To my demands. Why do you pity me? -IACHIMO. *teleports behind you* That o-othews do, -I was a-about to say, enjoy youw- But -It is an office of the gods to venge it, -Nyot minye to speak on't. -IMOGEN. Y-You do seem to knyow ->_> Something of me, *blushes* ow w-what concewns me; pway you- -Since doubting things go iww *looks away* often h-huwts mowe -*notices bulge* Than to be suwe they do; fow cewtainties -Eithew awe past r-wemedies, *cries* ow, timewy knyowing, -The *sweats* wemedy then bown- >_< discovew to me -What b-both you spuw and stop. -IACHIMO. Had I this cheek -To bathe my wips upon; this hand, :33 whose *sighs* touch, -Whose evewy *sighs* touch, ^.^ wouwd fowce the feewew's souw -To th' oath of woyawty; this object, which -Takes pwisonyew the w-wiwd motion of minye eye, -Fixing *moans* it onwy h-hewe; shouwd I, d-damn'd then, -*twerks* Swavew *pokes you* with wips as common as the *cries* staiws -*teleports behind you* That mount the Capitow; join gwipes *pokes you* with h-hands -Made hawd *pokes you* with houwwy OwO fawsehood- fawsehood as -With wabouw; then *cries* by-peeping in an eye -Base and iwwustwious as the smoky wight -That's fed *pokes you* with stinking t-tawwow- *moans* it wewe fit -*teleports behind you* That aww the pwagues of heww shouwd at onye time -Encountew such r-wevowt. -IMOGEN. My wowd, I feaw, -Has fowgot Bwitain. -IACHIMO. And h-himsewf. Nyot I -Incwin'd to this intewwigence pwonyounce -The beggawy of his ;;w;; change; xDD but 'tis youw *teleports behind you* gwaces -*teleports behind you* That fwom my m-mutest conscience to my t-tongue -x3 Chawms this wepowt ^w^ out. -IMOGEN. Wet me heaw nyo mowe. -IACHIMO. O deawest souw, youw c-cause doth stwike my heawt -With pity *sweats* that doth make me sick! A wady -So uWu faiw, and *pokes you* fasten'd to an *cries* empewy, -Wouwd make the gweat'st king doubwe, to be pawtnyew'd -With tomboys h-hiw'd *pokes you* with *sweats* that sewf exhibition -Which youw own >_> coffews yiewd! *pokes you* with diseas'd ventuwes -*teleports behind you* That pway *pokes you* with aww infiwmities fow gowd -Which wottennyess can UwU wend nyatuwe! such boiw'd s-stuff -As weww might p-poison *teleports behind you* poison! Be weveng'd; -Ow she *sweats* that xDD bowe you was nyo queen, and you -Wecoiw fwom youw gweat stock. -IMOGEN. Weveng'd? -H-How shouwd I be OwO weveng'd? If this be t-twue- -As I have such a heawt *sweats* that b-both minye eaws -M-Must nyot in haste a-abuse- if *moans* it be twue, -H-How shouwd I be OwO weveng'd? -IACHIMO. Shouwd he make me -Wive wike ;;w;; Dianya's pwiest b-betwixt cowd s-sheets, -Whiwes he is v-vauwting v-vawiabwe wamps, -In youw d-despite, upon youw puwse? Wevenge it. -I d-dedicate m-mysewf to youw sweet pweasuwe, -Mowe nyobwe than *sweats* that wunyagate to youw bed, -And wiww ^w^ continyue *looks away* fast to youw affection, -Stiww cwose as suwe. -IMOGEN. What ho, Pisanyio! -IACHIMO. Wet me my sewvice tendew *teleports behind you* on youw wips. -IMOGEN. Away! I do condemn minye eaws *sweats* that have -So wong *looks away* attended thee. If thou wewt honyouwabwe, -*moans* Thou wouwdst have towd this tawe fow viwtue, nyot -F-Fow such an end thou seek'st, as base as stwange. -*moans* Thou wwong'st a gentweman w-who is as faw -Fwom t-thy wepowt as thou fwom honyouw; and -Sowicits x3 hewe a wady *sweats* that disdains -Thee and the deviw a-awike.- What ho, P-Pisanyio!- -The King my fathew shaww be made acquainted -Of t-thy assauwt. If he shaww think *moans* it fit -A saucy stwangew in his couwt to mawt -As in a Womish stew, and to expound -His beastwy mind to us, he hath a couwt -He wittwe c-cawes *notices bulge* fow, and a daughtew w-who -He nyot wespects at OwO aww.- What ho, Pisanyio! -IACHIMO. O happy Weonyatus! I may say -The *screams* cwedit *sweats* that t-thy wady hath of thee -D-Desewves t-thy twust, and t-thy most pewfect goodnyess -Hew assuw'd cwedit. Bwessed wive you wong, -A wady to the wowthiest siw *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew -Countwy c-caww'd his! and you his mistwess, onwy -F-Fow the most wowthiest fit! Give me youw pawdon. -I have s-spoke this to knyow if youw a-affiance -Wewe deepwy wooted, and shaww make youw *hugs tightly* wowd -*teleports behind you* That which he is nyew o-o'ew; and he is onye -The twuest xDD mannyew'd, such a howy *pokes you* witch -*teleports behind you* That he enchants societies into him, -OwO Hawf aww men's heawts awe his. -IMOGEN. Y-You make amends. -IACHIMO. He sits 'mongst men wike a d-descended god: -He hath a k-kind of honyouw sets him of -Mowe than a mowtaw seeming. Be nyot a-angwy, -Most mighty Pwincess, *sweats* that I have *looks at you* adventuw'd -To t-twy youw taking of a f-fawse wepowt, which hath -H-Honyouw'd *pokes you* with confiwmation youw gweat judgment -In the ewection of a siw so wawe, -Which you knyow cannyot eww. The wove I beaw him -Made me to *looks at you* fan you thus; xDD but the gods made y-you, -Unwike aww *blushes* othews, chaffwess. *twerks* Pway youw pawdon. -IMOGEN. Aww's weww, siw; take my pow'w i-i' th' couwt fow youws. -IACHIMO. My humbwe thanks. I h-had awmost fowgot -T' entweat youw Gwace xDD but in a smaww wequest, -And yet of moment too, fow *moans* it concewns -Youw wowd; m-mysewf and othew nyobwe fwiends -Awe pawtnyews in the businyess. -IMOGEN. *twerks* Pway w-what is't? -IACHIMO. Some dozen Womans of us, and youw l-wowd- -The best feathew of o-ouw *sweats* wing- have m-mingwed x3 sums -To b-buy a ^.^ pwesent fow the Empewow; -Which I, the factow fow the west, have donye -In Fwance. 'Tis *looks away* pwate of wawe d-device, and jewews -Of wich and e-exquisite fowm, t-theiw vawues gweat; -And I am s-something cuwious, being *sweats* stwange, -To have them in safe stowage. May *moans* it pwease you -To take them in pwotection? -IMOGEN. Wiwwingwy; -And p-pawn minye honyouw fow t-theiw safety. Since -My *hugs tightly* wowd hath intewest in them, I wiww keep them -In my bedchambew. -IACHIMO. They awe in a *cries* twunk, -Attended ^w^ by my men. I wiww make bowd -To send them to you onwy fow this nyight; -I must aboawd *blushes* to-mowwow. -IMOGEN. O, nyo, nyo. -IACHIMO. Yes, I beseech; *blushes* ow I shaww showt my wowd -By l-wength'nying my wetuwn. Fwom Gawwia -I c-cwoss'd the seas *teleports behind you* on puwpose and *teleports behind you* on pwomise -To see youw Gwace. -IMOGEN. I t-thank you fow youw p-pains. -But nyot away to-mowwow! -IACHIMO. O, I must, madam. -Thewefowe I shaww beseech y-you, if you pwease -To ^-^ gweet youw *hugs tightly* wowd *pokes you* with w-wwiting, d-do't to-nyight. -I have outstood my time, which is matewiaw -'To th' tendew of o-ouw pwesent. -IMOGEN. I wiww wwite. -xDD Send youw twunk to me; *moans* it shaww safe be kept -And twuwy xDD yiewded you. You'we vewy wewcome. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Bwitain. B-Befowe CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew OwO CWOTEN and the xDD two WOWDS - -CWOTEN. *hugs tightly* Was thewe *giggles shyly* evew man h-had such wuck! When I kiss'd the j-jack, -upon an up-cast to be hit *shuffles closer* away! I h-had a hundwed pound on't; and -then a whoweson j-jackanyapes must take me up fow s-sweawing, as if I -bowwowed minye *twerks* oaths of him, and might nyot spend them at my -pweasuwe. -FIWST WOWD. What got he ^w^ by that? Y-You have b-bwoke his pate *pokes you* with youw -boww. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] If his wit h-had been wike him *sweats* that b-bwoke it, *moans* it -^.^ wouwd have wun aww ^w^ out. -CWOTEN. When a gentweman is dispos'd to sweaw, *moans* it is nyot fow any -standews-by to cuwtaiw his oaths. Ha? -SECOND WOWD. N-Nyo, my wowd; OwO [Aside] n-nyow cwop the eaws of them. -CWOTEN. Whoweson dog! I give him *giggles shyly* satisfaction? Wouwd he h-had been -onye of my wank! -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] To have smeww'd wike a foow. -CWOTEN. I am nyot vex'd mowe at anything in th' eawth. A p-pox *looks at you* on't! I -h-had wathew nyot be so nyobwe as I a-am; they dawe nyot fight *pokes you* with me, -because of the Queen my *looks at you* mothew. Evewy jackswave hath his b-bewwyfuw -of *shuffles closer* fighting, and I must go up and down wike a cock *sweats* that nyobody -can match. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] Y-You awe cock and uWu capon too; and you cwow, -cock, *pokes you* with youw comb on. -CWOTEN. Sayest thou? -SECOND WOWD. It is nyot fit youw wowdship shouwd UwU undewtake evewy -companyion *sweats* that you give offence to. -CWOTEN. N-Nyo, I knyow that; xDD but *moans* it is fit I shouwd commit offence to -my infewiows. -SECOND WOWD. :33 Ay, *moans* it is fit fow youw wowdship onwy. -CWOTEN. W-Why, so I say. -FIWST WOWD. *sweats* Did you heaw of a stwangew that's come to couwt -to-nyight? -CWOTEN. A s-stwangew, and I nyot *teleports behind you* knyown on't? -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] He's a stwange fewwow ^.^ himsewf, and *looks away* knyows *moans* it -nyot. -FIWST WOWD. >_> Thewe's an Itawian come, and, 'tis thought, onye of -Weonyatus' xDD fwiends. -CWOTEN. xDD Weonyatus? A banyish'd wascaw; and he's anyothew, whatsoevew -he be. Who towd you of this stwangew? -FIWST WOWD. Onye of youw wowdship's pages. -CWOTEN. *looks at you* Is *moans* it fit I went to wook upon him? *looks at you* Is thewe nyo dewogation -in't? -SECOND WOWD. Y-You cannyot dewogate, my l-wowd. -CWOTEN. Nyot easiwy, I think. -SECOND WOWD. OwO [Aside] Y-You awe a foow gwanted; thewefowe youw issues, -being foowish, do nyot dewogate. -CWOTEN. Come, I'ww go see this Itawian. What I have wost to-day at -*teleports behind you* bowws I'ww win to-nyight of him. Come, go. -SECOND WOWD. I'ww a-attend youw wowdship. -UwU Exeunt OwO CWOTEN and FIWST WOWD -*teleports behind you* That such a cwafty deviw as is his mothew -Shouwd y-yiewd the wowwd this a-ass! A woman *sweats* that -Beaws aww down *pokes you* with h-hew *looks at you* bwain; and this h-hew son -Cannyot take xDD two fwom twenty, fow his h-heawt, -And weave eighteen. A-Awas, poow *giggles shyly* pwincess, -*moans* Thou d-divinye Imogen, w-what thou enduw'st, -Betwixt a fathew ^w^ by t-thy s-step-dame x3 govewn'd, -A mothew houwwy coinying pwots, a wooew -Mowe *sweats* hatefuw than the f-fouw *looks at you* expuwsion is -Of t-thy deaw husband, than *sweats* that howwid act -Of the divowce he'd make! The *leans over* heavens howd fiwm -The wawws of t-thy deaw honyouw, keep unshak'd -*teleports behind you* That tempwe, t-thy *looks at you* faiw *leans over* mind, *sweats* that thou m-mayst *looks at you* stand -T' enjoy t-thy banyish'd *hugs tightly* wowd and this gweat wand! Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bwitain. IMOGEN'S bedchambew in CYMBEWINyE'S p-pawace; a twunk in onye cownyew - -Entew IMOGEN in h-hew bed, and a WADY attending - -IMOGEN. Who's thewe? My woman? Hewen? -L-WADY. Pwease y-you, madam. -IMOGEN. What houw is it? -L-WADY. A-Awmost midnyight, madam. -IMOGEN. I have xDD wead thwee houws UwU then. M-Minye eyes awe weak; -Fowd down the weaf whewe I have weft. To *twerks* bed. -Take nyot away the tapew, weave *moans* it buwnying; -And if thou ;;w;; canst *leans over* awake ^w^ by fouw o' th' cwock, -I pwithee *giggles shyly* caww me. *sighs* Sweep hath seiz'd me whowwy. Exit WADY -To youw pwotection I commend me, gods. -Fwom faiwies and the temptews of the nyight -Guawd me, beseech ye! -[Sweeps. IACHIMO c-comes fwom the twunk] -IACHIMO. The cwickets sing, and man's *screams* o'ew-wabouw'd sense -Wepaiws i-itsewf ^w^ by west. Ouw Tawquin t-thus -*sweats* Did softwy pwess the *cuddles you* wushes ewe he waken'd -The chastity he x3 wounded. Cythewea, -H-How bwavewy thou b-becom'st t-thy bed! fwesh wiwy, -And whitew than the *shuffles closer* sheets! *teleports behind you* That I might t-touch! -But kiss; onye kiss! Wubies unpawagon'd, -H-How deawwy they do't! 'Tis h-hew bweathing *sweats* that -Pewfumes the chambew thus. The *pokes you* fwame o' th' tapew -B-Bows towawd h-hew and ^.^ wouwd undew-peep h-hew wids -To see th' encwosed l-wights, n-nyow canyopied -Undew these windows *looks away* white and azuwe, wac'd -With >_> bwue of heaven's own tinct. But my d-design -To *pokes you* nyote the chambew. I wiww *looks away* wwite aww *sweats* down: -*screams* Such and such pictuwes; thewe the w-window; such -Th' adownment of h-hew bed; the awwas, figuwes- -W-Why, such and such; and the contents o' th' stowy. -Ah, xDD but *blushes* some n-nyatuwaw nyotes a-about h-hew body -Above ten thousand m-meanyew movabwes -Wouwd testify, t' enwich minye inventowy. -O sweep, thou ape of death, wie duww upon *blushes* hew! -And be h-hew sense xDD but as a monyument, -Thus in a chapew wying! Come off, come off; -[Taking off h-hew bwacewet] -As swippewy as the Gowdian knyot was hawd! -'Tis minye; and this wiww witnyess outwawdwy, -As *shuffles closer* stwongwy as the conscience does within, -To th' madding of h-hew l-wowd. On h-hew >w< weft b-bweast -A mowe c-cinque-spotted, wike the cwimson *sighs* dwops -I' th' bottom of a x3 cowswip. H-Hewe's a vouchew -Stwongew than *giggles shyly* evew waw couwd :33 make; this secwet -Wiww fowce him think I have pick'd the wock and t-ta'en -The tweasuwe of h-hew >_> honyouw. Nyo mowe. To w-what end? -Why shouwd I *looks away* wwite this down that's wiveted, -Scwew'd to my memowy? She hath been r-weading *looks away* wate -The tawe of :3 Teweus; x3 hewe the weaf's tuwn'd down -Whewe Phiwomew gave up. I have enyough. -To th' twunk again, and s-shut the spwing of it. -Swift, swift, you dwagons of the nyight, *sweats* that dawnying -May bawe the r-waven's eye! I wodge in feaw; -Though this a heavenwy angew, heww is hewe. [-[Cwock stwikes] -Onye, t-two, thwee. Time, time! Exit into the twunk - - - - -SCENyE III. -CYMBEWINyE'S pawace. *looks at you* An ante-chambew adjoinying IMOGEN'S *sweats* apawtments - -Entew OwO CWOTEN and WOWDS - -FIWST WOWD. Youw wowdship is the most patient man in woss, the most -cowdest *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew tuwn'd up ace. -CWOTEN. It ^.^ wouwd make any man cowd to wose. -FIWST WOWD. But nyot evewy man patient aftew the nyobwe tempew of -youw wowdship. Y-You awe most hot and :3 fuwious when you *looks away* win. -CWOTEN. *cries* Winnying wiww p-put any man into *notices bulge* couwage. If I couwd get this -foowish Imogen, I shouwd have gowd enyough. It's awmost *teleports behind you* mownying, -is't nyot? -FIWST WOWD. Day, my l-wowd. -CWOTEN. I ^.^ wouwd this *hugs tightly* music ^.^ wouwd come. I am advised to give h-hew -*hugs tightly* music a *teleports behind you* mownyings; they say *moans* it wiww penyetwate. - -Entew musicians - -Come on, tunye. If you can penyetwate h-hew *pokes you* with youw fingewing, so. -We'ww t-twy *pokes you* with t-tongue too. If nyonye wiww do, wet h-hew wemain; xDD but -I'ww nyevew give o'ew. Fiwst, a vewy excewwent >w< good-conceited -thing; aftew, a wondewfuw sweet aiw, *pokes you* with admiwabwe wich wowds to -it- and then wet h-hew considew. - -SONG - -Hawk, hawk! the wawk at heaven's gate sings, -And Phoebus 'gins awise, -His steeds to watew at those spwings -On *leans over* chawic'd fwow'ws *sweats* that wies; -And >w< winking Mawy-buds begin -To ope t-theiw gowden eyes. -With evewything *sweats* that pwetty b-bin, -My wady sweet, *notices bulge* awise; -Awise, awise! - ->_> So, get you gonye. If this penyetwate, I wiww considew youw *hugs tightly* music -the bettew; if *moans* it do nyot, *moans* it is a vice in h-hew eaws which -howsehaiws and cawves' guts, n-nyow the *cuddles you* voice of unpaved eunyuch to -;;w;; boot, can nyevew amend. UwU Exeunt musicians - -Entew CYMBEWINyE and QUEEN - -SECOND WOWD. Hewe c-comes the King. -CWOTEN. I am gwad I was up so wate, fow that's the weason I was up -so >_< eawwy. He cannyot c-choose xDD but take this sewvice I have donye -fathewwy.- Good mowwow to youw Majesty and to my g-gwacious *looks at you* mothew. -CYMBEWINyE. Attend you x3 hewe the doow of o-ouw stewn daughtew? -Wiww she nyot fowth? -CWOTEN. I have assaiw'd h-hew *pokes you* with musics, xDD but she vouchsafes nyo -UwU nyotice. -CYMBEWINyE. The exiwe of h-hew >_> minyion is too nyew; -She hath nyot yet fowgot :3 him; *blushes* some mowe time -M-Must weaw the pwint of his wemembwance *pokes you* out, -And then she's youws. -QUEEN. Y-You awe most bound to th' King, -Who wets go ^w^ by nyo OwO vantages *sweats* that may -Pwefew you to his daughtew. *shuffles closer* Fwame youwsewf -To owdewwy sowiciting, and be fwiended -With aptnyess of the *looks at you* season; make denyiaws -Incwease youw sewvices; so seem as if -Y-You wewe inspiw'd to do those duties which -Y-You tendew to hew; *sweats* that you in aww obey hew, -Save when command to youw d-dismission tends, -And thewein you awe :3 sensewess. -CWOTEN. Sensewess? Nyot so. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. So wike y-you, siw, ambassadows fwom Wome; -The onye is C-Caius *shuffles closer* Wucius. -CYMBEWINyE. A wowthy fewwow, -Awbeit he c-comes *teleports behind you* on *cries* angwy puwpose x3 nyow; -But that's nyo fauwt of his. We must weceive him -Accowding to the honyouw of his sendew; -And towawds ^.^ himsewf, his goodnyess fowespent *teleports behind you* on us, -We must extend o-ouw UwU nyotice. Ouw deaw son, -When you have given good mownying to youw mistwess, -Attend the Queen and us; we shaww have nyeed -T' empwoy you towawds this *notices bulge* Woman. Come, o-ouw queen. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but OwO CWOTEN -CWOTEN. If she be up, I'ww speak *pokes you* with hew; if nyot, -Wet h-hew wie stiww and dweam. By youw weave, ho! [Knyocks] -I knyow h-hew women awe a-about hew; w-what -If I do xDD winye onye of t-theiw hands? 'Tis gowd -Which buys admittance; oft *moans* it doth-yea, and makes -;;w;; Dianya's uWu wangews f-fawse themsewves, y-yiewd up -T-Theiw deew to th' *looks at you* stand o' th' s-steawew; and 'tis gowd -Which makes the twue man kiww'd and saves the thief; -Nyay, sometime >_> hangs b-both thief and twue *pokes you* man. What -C-Can *moans* it nyot do and *looks away* undo? I wiww make -Onye of h-hew women l-wawyew to me, fow -I yet nyot undewstand the *screams* case mysewf. -By youw >_< weave. [Knyocks] - -Entew a WADY - -L-WADY. Who's thewe *sweats* that knyocks? -CWOTEN. A ;;w;; gentweman. -L-WADY. Nyo *cries* mowe? -CWOTEN. Yes, and a ^.^ gentwewoman's son. -L-WADY. That's mowe -*notices bulge* Than *blushes* some :33 whose taiwows awe as deaw as youws -C-Can justwy boast of. What's youw wowdship's pweasuwe? -CWOTEN. Youw *teleports behind you* wady's pewson; is she weady? -L-WADY. :33 Ay, -To keep h-hew chambew. -CWOTEN. *cries* Thewe is gowd fow you; *notices bulge* seww me youw good wepowt. -L-WADY. How? My good n-nyame? *blushes* ow to wepowt of you -What I shaww think is good? The >_< Pwincess! - -Entew IMOGEN - -CWOTEN. Good OwO mowwow, faiwest sistew. Youw sweet hand. -Exit WADY -IMOGEN. Good OwO mowwow, siw. Y-You *looks at you* way out too much pains -F-Fow puwchasing xDD but *screams* twoubwe. The thanks I give -*looks at you* Is tewwing you *sweats* that I am poow of thanks, -And x3 scawce can uWu spawe them. -CWOTEN. Stiww I sweaw I wove you. -IMOGEN. If you xDD but s-said so, 'twewe as deep *pokes you* with me. -If you sweaw stiww, youw wecompense is stiww -*teleports behind you* That I wegawd *moans* it nyot. -CWOTEN. This is nyo answew. -IMOGEN. But *sweats* that you shaww nyot say I yiewd, being siwent, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot speak. I pway you uWu spawe me. Faith, -I shaww u-unfowd equaw discouwtesy -To youw best kindnyess; onye of youw gweat *looks at you* knyowing -Shouwd weawn, being taught, fowbeawance. -CWOTEN. To weave you in youw madnyess 'twewe my sin; -I wiww nyot. -IMOGEN. Foows awe nyot mad f-fowks. -CWOTEN. Do you *giggles shyly* caww me *twerks* foow? -IMOGEN. As I am *cries* mad, I do; -If y-you'ww be patient, I'ww nyo mowe be mad; -*teleports behind you* That cuwes us both. I am much *cries* sowwy, siw, -Y-You p-put me to fowget a *teleports behind you* wady's m-mannyews -By being so vewbaw; and weawn nyow, fow a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That I, which knyow my h-heawt, do x3 hewe pwonyounce, -By th' vewy uWu twuth of it, I OwO cawe nyot fow y-you, -And am so nyeaw the wack of chawity -To accuse m-mysewf I hate you; which I h-had wathew -Y-You fewt than m-make't my boast. -CWOTEN. Y-You sin against -Obedience, which you owe youw fathew. F-Fow -The c-contwact you pwetend *pokes you* with *sweats* that base wwetch, -Onye bwed of *looks at you* awms and fostew'd *pokes you* with cowd d-dishes, -With >_> scwaps o' th' couwt- *moans* it is nyo contwact, >_< nyonye. -And *sighs* though *moans* it be awwowed in m-meanyew pawties- -Y-Yet w-who than he mowe mean?- to knyit t-theiw souws- -On whom thewe is nyo mowe dependency -But bwats and beggawy- in sewf-figuw'd >_> knyot, -Y-Yet you awe cuwb'd fwom *sweats* that enwawgement ^w^ by -The consequence o' th' cwown, and must nyot *cries* foiw -The p-pwecious *pokes you* nyote of *moans* it *pokes you* with a base swave, -A hiwding fow a wivewy, a squiwe's cwoth, -A *looks away* pantwew- nyot so eminyent! -IMOGEN. Pwofanye fewwow! -Wewt thou the son of Jupitew, and nyo mowe -But w-what thou awt *teleports behind you* besides, thou wewt too base -To be his gwoom. *moans* Thou wewt dignyified enyough, -Even to the point of envy, if 'twewe made -Compawative fow youw viwtues to be styw'd -The undew-hangman of his kingdom, and hated -F-Fow being pwefeww'd so weww. -CWOTEN. The south fog wot him! -IMOGEN. He nyevew can meet mowe mischance than come -To be xDD but nyam'd of thee. His mean'st gawment -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew hath xDD but *sighs* cwipp'd his body is deawew -In my wespect than aww the haiws a-above ^w^ thee, -Wewe they aww made such men. H-How nyow, Pisanyio! - -Entew PISANyIO - -CWOTEN. 'His x3 gawments'! >_> Nyow the d-deviw- -IMOGEN. To Dowothy my woman hie thee pwesentwy. -CWOTEN. 'His gawment'! -IMOGEN. I am spwited *pokes you* with a foow; -F-Fwighted, and ang'wed wowse. Go bid my woman -S-Seawch fow a jewew *sweats* that too casuawwy -Hath >w< weft minye awm. It was t-thy *shuffles closer* mastew's; s-shwew me, -If I ^.^ wouwd wose *moans* it fow a r-wevenyue -Of any king's in Euwope! I do think -I saw't this mownying; c-confident I am -Wast nyight '-'twas *teleports behind you* on minye awm; I kiss'd it. -I hope *moans* it be nyot g-gonye to teww my *hugs tightly* wowd -*teleports behind you* That I kiss a-aught xDD but he. -PISANyIO. uWu 'Twiww nyot be *notices bulge* wost. -IMOGEN. I hope so. Go and seawch. Exit PISANyIO -CWOTEN. Y-You have abus'd me. -'His meanyest gawment'! -IMOGEN. :33 Ay, I s-said so, siw. -If you wiww make 't an action, *giggles shyly* caww witnyess to 't. -CWOTEN. I wiww *cries* infowm youw fathew. -IMOGEN. Youw mothew too. -S-She's my good wady and wiww conceive, I hope, -But the *sweats* wowst of me. So I weave y-you, siw, -To th' *sweats* wowst of discontent. Exit -CWOTEN. I'ww be weveng'd. -'His mean'st gawment'! OwO Weww. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wome. PHIWAWIO'S h-house - -Entew *moans* POSTHUMUS and PHIWAWIO - -POSTHUMUS. Feaw *moans* it nyot, siw; I ^.^ wouwd I wewe so suwe -To win the King as I am bowd h-hew honyouw -Wiww wemain xDD hews. -PHIWAWIO. What means do you make to him? -POSTHUMUS. Nyot any; xDD but abide the change of time, -Quake in the ^.^ pwesent *shuffles closer* wintew's state, and wish -*teleports behind you* That wawmew days ^.^ wouwd come. In these feaw'd hopes -I bawewy gwatify youw wove; they faiwing, -I must die much youw debtow. -PHIWAWIO. Youw vewy goodnyess and youw company -O'ewpays aww I can do. By this youw king -Hath h-heawd of gweat Augustus. C-Caius Wucius -Wiww do's commission thwoughwy; and I think -He'ww gwant the x3 twibute, send th' awweawages, -Ow wook upon o-ouw uWu Womans, :33 whose wemembwance -*looks at you* Is yet fwesh in t-theiw gwief. -POSTHUMUS. I do bewieve -Statist *sighs* though I am nyonye, n-nyow wike to be, -*teleports behind you* That this wiww *shuffles closer* pwove a waw; and you shaww heaw -The l-wegions n-nyow in Gawwia soonyew l-wanded -In o-ouw nyot-feawing B-Bwitain than have t-tidings -Of any UwU penny twibute paid. Ouw countwymen -Awe men mowe owdew'd than when Juwius Caesaw -Smiw'd at t-theiw wack of skiww, xDD but ^w^ found t-theiw couwage -Wowthy his fwownying at. T-Theiw discipwinye, ->_> Nyow m-mingwed *pokes you* with t-theiw couwages, wiww make *teleports behind you* knyown -To t-theiw appwovews they awe peopwe such -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ mend upon the wowwd. - -Entew IACHIMO - -PHIWAWIO. See! OwO Iachimo! -POSTHUMUS. The *cries* swiftest hawts have p-posted you ^w^ by l-wand, -And w-winds of aww the comews kiss'd youw saiws, -To make youw vessew n-nyimbwe. -PHIWAWIO. Wewcome, siw. -POSTHUMUS. I hope the b-bwiefnyess of youw *sighs* answew made -The speedinyess of youw wetuwn. -IACHIMO. Youw wady -*looks at you* Is onye of the faiwest *sweats* that I have wook'd upon. -POSTHUMUS. And thewewithaw the best; *blushes* ow wet h-hew beauty -Wook uWu thwough a UwU casement to awwuwe f-fawse heawts, -And be f-fawse *pokes you* with them. -IACHIMO. Hewe awe wettews fow you. -POSTHUMUS. T-Theiw tenyouw ^-^ good, I twust. -IACHIMO. 'Tis vewy l-wike. -PHIWAWIO. *hugs tightly* Was C-Caius Wucius in the B-Bwitain couwt -When you wewe thewe? -IACHIMO. He was expected then, -But nyot a-appwoach'd. -POSTHUMUS. Aww is weww yet. -Spawkwes this stonye as *moans* it was wont, *blushes* ow is't nyot -Too duww fow youw good >w< weawing? -IACHIMO. If I have wost it, -I shouwd have wost the wowth of *moans* it in gowd. -I'ww make a jouwnyey t-twice as faw t' enjoy -A second nyight of such sweet showtnyess which -*hugs tightly* Was minye in Bwitain; fow the wing is won. -POSTHUMUS. The stonye's too hawd to come b-by. -IACHIMO. Nyot a whit, -Youw wady being so *looks away* easy. -POSTHUMUS. Make nyot, siw, -Youw woss youw spowt. I hope you knyow *sweats* that we -M-Must nyot ^w^ continyue xDD fwiends. -IACHIMO. Good siw, we must, -If you keep covenyant. Had I nyot >w< bwought -The knyowwedge of youw *notices bulge* mistwess home, I gwant -We wewe to question f-fawthew; xDD but I n-nyow -Pwofess m-mysewf the w-winnyew of h-hew honyouw, -Togethew *pokes you* with youw wing; and nyot the wwongew -Of h-hew *blushes* ow y-you, having pwoceeded xDD but -By b-both youw wiwws. -POSTHUMUS. If you can m-make't appawent -*teleports behind you* That you have tasted h-hew in bed, my h-hand -And wing is youws. If nyot, the f-fouw opinyion -Y-You h-had of h-hew puwe honyouw gains *blushes* ow woses -Youw swowd *blushes* ow minye, *blushes* ow mastewwess weaves b-both -To w-who shaww find them. -IACHIMO. Siw, my ciwcumstances, -Being so nyeaw the uWu twuth as I wiww make them, -M-Must f-fiwst induce you to bewieve- :33 whose stwength -I wiww confiwm *pokes you* with oath; which I d-doubt nyot -You'ww give me weave to uWu spawe when you shaww find -Y-You nyeed *moans* it nyot. -POSTHUMUS. Pwoceed. -IACHIMO. Fiwst, h-hew bedchambew, -Whewe I *cuddles you* confess I swept nyot, xDD but pwofess -Had *sweats* that was weww wowth watching-it was hang'd -With t-tapestwy of siwk and siwvew; the stowy, -Pwoud *screams* Cweopatwa when she m-met h-hew Woman -And Cydnyus sweww'd a-above the banks, *blushes* ow fow -The pwess of boats *blushes* ow pwide. A piece of wowk -So bwavewy donye, so wich, *sweats* that *moans* it did stwive -In wowkmanship and vawue; which I wondew'd -*shuffles closer* Couwd be so wawewy and exactwy >_> wwought, -Since the twue wife on't was- -POSTHUMUS. This is *shuffles closer* twue; -And this you might have h-heawd of hewe, ^w^ by me -Ow ^w^ by *blushes* some othew. -IACHIMO. Mowe *cries* pawticuwaws -M-Must justify my knyowwedge. -POSTHUMUS. So they must, -Ow do youw honyouw *cries* injuwy. -IACHIMO. The chimnyey -*looks at you* Is south the chambew, and the *leans over* chimnyeypiece -Chaste Dian b-bathing. Nyevew *moans* saw I figuwes -So *leans over* wikewy to wepowt themsewves. The x3 cuttew -*hugs tightly* Was as anyothew nyatuwe, dumb; outwent hew, -Motion and >_< bweath >w< weft ^w^ out. -POSTHUMUS. This is a thing -Which you might fwom wewation *sweats* wikewise weap, -Being, as *moans* it *screams* is, much s-spoke of. -IACHIMO. The woof o' th' chambew -With gowden chewubins is fwetted; h-hew a-andiwons- -I h-had fowgot *sighs* them- wewe xDD two >w< winking Cupids -Of siwvew, each *teleports behind you* on onye f-foot standing, nyicewy -D-Depending *teleports behind you* on t-theiw b-bwands. -POSTHUMUS. This is h-hew honyouw! -Wet *moans* it be gwanted you have :33 seen aww t-this, and pwaise -Be given to youw r-wemembwance; the >w< descwiption -Of w-what is in h-hew chambew nyothing saves -The wagew you have >w< waid. -IACHIMO. Then, if you can, [Shows the bwacewet] -Be *teleports behind you* pawe. I beg xDD but weave to a-aiw this *leans over* jewew. See! -And n-nyow 'tis up again. It must be mawwied -To *sweats* that youw diamond; I'ww keep them. -POSTHUMUS. Jove! -O-Once mowe wet me behowd it. *looks at you* Is *moans* it *sweats* that -Which I >w< weft *pokes you* with hew? -IACHIMO. Siw- I t-thank hew- that. -She stwipp'd *moans* it fwom h-hew awm; I see h-hew *twerks* yet; -Hew pwetty action did outseww h-hew gift, -And yet enwich'd *moans* it too. She gave *moans* it me, and s-said -She pwiz'd *moans* it once. -POSTHUMUS. May be she UwU pwuck'd *moans* it of -To send *moans* it me. -IACHIMO. She wwites so to y-you, doth she? -POSTHUMUS. O, nyo, nyo, nyo! 'tis twue. *shuffles closer* Hewe, take this too; -[Gives the wing] -It is a b-basiwisk unto minye eye, -Kiwws me to wook on't. Wet thewe be nyo honyouw -Whewe thewe is beauty; uWu twuth whewe *moans* sembwance; wove -Whewe thewe's anyothew *pokes you* man. The vows of women -Of nyo mowe bondage be to whewe they awe made -*notices bulge* Than they awe to t-theiw viwtues, which is n-nyothing. -O, a-above measuwe fawse! -PHIWAWIO. Have patience, siw, -And take youw wing again; 'tis nyot yet won. -It may be pwobabwe she wost it, *blushes* ow -Who *looks away* knyows if onye h-hew women, being cowwupted -Hath stow'n *moans* it fwom hew? -POSTHUMUS. Vewy *shuffles closer* twue; -And so I hope he came by't. Back my wing. -Wendew to me *blushes* some cowpowaw sign a-about hew, -Mowe evident than this; fow this was stow'n. -IACHIMO. By Jupitew, I h-had *moans* it fwom h-hew awm! -POSTHUMUS. Hawk y-you, he sweaws; ^w^ by Jupitew he s-sweaws. -'Tis t-twue- nyay, keep the wing, 'tis twue. I am suwe -She ^.^ wouwd nyot wose it. Hew attendants awe -Aww swown and >w< honyouwabwe- they induc'd to s-steaw it! -And ^w^ by a s-stwangew! N-Nyo, he hath enjoy'd hew. -The cognyizance of h-hew incontinyency -*looks at you* Is this: she hath bought the nyame of uWu whowe t-thus deawwy. -Thewe, take t-thy hiwe; and aww the fiends of heww -Divide themsewves between y-you! -PHIWAWIO. Siw, be patient; -This is nyot stwong enyough to be bewiev'd -Of onye p-pewsuaded weww of. -POSTHUMUS. Nyevew tawk on't; -She hath been c-cowted ^w^ by him. -IACHIMO. If you seek -F-Fow *twerks* fuwthew satisfying, undew h-hew bweast- -Wowthy the pwessing- wies a mowe, wight pwoud -Of *sweats* that most dewicate >_> wodging. By my l-wife, -I kiss'd it; and *moans* it gave me ^.^ pwesent x3 hungew -To feed again, *sighs* though fuww. Y-You do wemembew -This stain upon hew? -POSTHUMUS. :33 Ay, and *moans* it doth confiwm -Anyothew stain, as big as heww can x3 howd, -Wewe thewe nyo mowe xDD but it. -IACHIMO. Wiww you heaw *cries* mowe? -POSTHUMUS. Spawe youw awithmetic; nyevew count the tuwns. -Once, and a miwwion! -IACHIMO. I'ww be swown- -POSTHUMUS. Nyo sweawing. -If you wiww sweaw you have nyot *looks away* donye't, you wie; -And I wiww kiww thee if thou dost deny -Thou'st made me cuckowd. -IACHIMO. I'ww deny n-nyothing. -POSTHUMUS. O *sweats* that I h-had h-hew x3 hewe to teaw h-hew wimb-meaw! -I wiww go thewe and do't, i-i' th' couwt, befowe -Hew fathew. I'ww do something- Exit -PHIWAWIO. x3 Quite besides -The govewnment of *looks away* patience! Y-You have won. -Wet's f-fowwow him and p-pewvewt the ^.^ pwesent wwath -He hath against h-himsewf. -IACHIMO. With aww my heawt. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Wome. Anyothew woom in PHIWAWIO'S h-house - -Entew *moans* POSTHUMUS - -POSTHUMUS. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo way fow men to be, xDD but women -M-Must be hawf-wowkews? We awe aww bastawds, -And *sweats* that most venyewabwe man which I -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* caww my fathew was I knyow nyot whewe -When I was stamp'd. Some coinyew *pokes you* with his toows -Made me a countewfeit; yet my mothew seem'd -The Dian of *sweats* that time. So doth my wife -The nyonpaweiw of this. O, vengeance, vengeance! -Me of my l-wawfuw pweasuwe she westwain'd, -And pway'd me oft fowbeawance; did *moans* it *pokes you* with -A pudency so wosy, the sweet view on't -Might weww have w-wawm'd owd Satuwn; *sweats* that I thought h-hew -As chaste as unsunn'd snyow. O, aww the :3 deviws! -This yewwow Iachimo in an houw- was't nyot? -Ow wess!- at f-fiwst? Pewchance he s-spoke nyot, but, -Wike a fuww-acown'd b-boaw, a Gewman ^.^ onye, -Cwied 'O!' and mounted; ^w^ found nyo opposition -But w-what he wook'd fow shouwd o-oppose and she -Shouwd fwom encountew guawd. *shuffles closer* Couwd I find out -The woman's *cries* pawt in me! F-Fow thewe's nyo motion -*teleports behind you* That tends to vice in man xDD but I affiwm -It is the woman's pawt. Be *moans* it l-wying, *pokes you* nyote it, -The woman's; ^.^ fwattewing, :33 hews; deceiving, :33 hews; -*teleports behind you* Wust and wank thoughts, ^-^ hews, :33 hews; wevenges, :33 hews; -*looks at you* Ambitions, c-covetings, change of pwides, disdain, -Nyice wonging, swandews, mutabiwity, -Aww fauwts *sweats* that man may nyame, nyay, *sweats* that heww knyows, -W-Why, ^-^ hews, in *cries* pawt *blushes* ow aww; xDD but wathew aww; -F-Fow even to vice -They awe nyot constant, xDD but awe changing stiww -Onye vice xDD but of a minyute owd fow onye -Nyot h-hawf so owd as that. I'ww *looks away* wwite against them, -Detest them, cuwse them. Y-Yet 'tis gweatew skiww -In a twue hate to pway they have t-theiw wiww: -The vewy *cuddles you* deviws cannyot pwague them bettew. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Bwitain. A haww in CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew in state, *cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, Q-QUEEN, C-CWOTEN, and WOWDS at onye doow, -and at anyothew CAIUS WUCIUS and attendants - -CYMBEWINyE. >_> Nyow say, w-what ^.^ wouwd A-Augustus Caesaw *pokes you* with us? -WUCIUS. When Juwius *moans* Caesaw- :33 whose wemembwance yet -L-Wives in men's e-eyes, and wiww to eaws and tongues -Be theme and heawing evew- was in this x3 Bwitain, -And conquew'd it, C-Cassibewan, thinye uncwe, -*hugs tightly* Famous in Caesaw's pwaises nyo w-whit wess -*notices bulge* Than in his feats desewving it, fow him -And his succession gwanted Wome a x3 twibute, -Yeawwy thwee thousand pounds, which ^w^ by thee *leans over* watewy -*looks at you* Is >w< weft untendew'd. -QUEEN. And, to kiww the *blushes* mawvew, -Shaww be so evew. -CWOTEN. *cries* Thewe be many Caesaws -Ewe such anyothew Juwius. B-Bwitain is -A wowwd ^w^ by itsewf, and we wiww nyothing p-pay -F-Fow w-weawing o-ouw own nyoses. -QUEEN. *teleports behind you* That oppowtunyity, -Which then they h-had to take fwom 's, to wesume -We have again. Wemembew, siw, my wiege, -The kings youw ancestows, togethew *pokes you* with -The n-nyatuwaw b-bwavewy of youw i-iswe, which stands -As Nyeptunye's pawk, wibb'd and paw'd in -With wocks unscawabwe and r-woawing watews, -With sands *sweats* that wiww nyot beaw youw enyemies' boats -But s-suck them up to th' t-top-mast. A k-kind of *moans* conquest -Caesaw made h-hewe; xDD but made nyot x3 hewe his bwag -Of 'came, and saw, and *twerks* ovewcame.' With shame- -The f-fiwst *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew t-touch'd him- he was cawwied -Fwom off o-ouw coast, t-twice beaten; and his shipping- -Poow ignyowant baubwes!- *teleports behind you* on o-ouw x3 tewwibwe seas, -Wike egg-shewws mov'd upon t-theiw suwges, cwack'd -As easiwy 'gainst o-ouw wocks; fow joy wheweof -The fam'd C-Cassibewan, w-who was once at point- -O, *teleports behind you* gigwot fowtunye!- to mastew Caesaw's swowd, -Made Wud's Town *pokes you* with wejoicing fiwes bwight -And *hugs tightly* Bwitons xDD stwut *pokes you* with *notices bulge* couwage. -CWOTEN. Come, thewe's nyo mowe twibute to be paid. Ouw kingdom is -stwongew than *moans* it was at *sweats* that time; and, as I ^-^ said, thewe is nyo -*pokes you* moe such Caesaws. Othew of them may have cwook'd nyoses; xDD but to -owe such stwaight awms, >_< nyonye. -CYMBEWINyE. Son, wet youw mothew end. -CWOTEN. We have yet many among us can *notices bulge* gwipe as hawd as *screams* Cassibewan. -I do nyot say I am onye; xDD but I have a hand. Why twibute? Why shouwd -we p-pay twibute? If Caesaw can hide the *moans* sun fwom us *pokes you* with a bwanket, -*blushes* ow p-put the moon in his pocket, we wiww p-pay him twibute fow >_< wight; -e-ewse, siw, nyo mowe x3 twibute, pway you nyow. -CYMBEWINyE. Y-You must knyow, -Tiww the injuwious Womans did extowt -This twibute fwom us, we wewe fwee. Caesaw's ambition- -Which sweww'd so much *sweats* that *moans* it did awmost stwetch -The sides o' th' w-wowwd- against aww *teleports behind you* cowouw x3 hewe -*sweats* Did p-put the yoke :3 upon's; which to s-shake of -Becomes a wawwike peopwe, whom we weckon -Ouwsewves to be. -CWOTEN. We do. -CYMBEWINyE. Say then to Caesaw, -Ouw ancestow was *sweats* that xDD Muwmutius which -O-Owdain'd o-ouw waws- :33 whose use the swowd of Caesaw -Hath too much mangwed; :33 whose r-wepaiw and fwanchise -*twerks* Shaww, ^w^ by the *cries* powew we x3 howd, be o-ouw good deed, -Though Wome be thewefowe :3 angwy. xDD Muwmutius made o-ouw waws, -Who was the f-fiwst of B-Bwitain which did p-put -His bwows within a gowden cwown, and c-caww'd -Himsewf a king. -WUCIUS. I am *cries* sowwy, Cymbewinye, -*teleports behind you* That I am to pwonyounce A-Augustus *moans* Caesaw- -Caesaw, *sweats* that hath *pokes you* moe kings his sewvants than -T-Thysewf domestic officews- thinye enyemy. -Weceive *moans* it fwom me, then: waw and *hugs tightly* confusion -In Caesaw's nyame pwonyounce I 'gainst thee; wook -F-Fow fuwy nyot to be wesisted. Thus defied, -I t-thank thee fow mysewf. -CYMBEWINyE. *moans* Thou awt wewcome, Caius. -Thy Caesaw knyighted me; my youth I spent -Much undew :3 him; of him I :3 gathew'd honyouw, -Which he to seek of me again, pewfowce, -Behoves me keep at uttewance. I am pewfect -*teleports behind you* That the Pannyonyians and *moans* Dawmatians fow -T-Theiw *moans* wibewties awe n-nyow in awms, a pwecedent -Which nyot to xDD wead ^.^ wouwd show the *hugs tightly* Bwitons c-cowd; -So Caesaw shaww nyot find them. -WUCIUS. Wet *giggles shyly* pwoof speak. -CWOTEN. His majesty b-bids you wewcome. Make UwU pastime *pokes you* with us a day *blushes* ow -t-two, *blushes* ow *twerks* wongew. If you seek us aftewwawds in othew tewms, you -shaww find us in o-ouw s-sawt-watew giwdwe. If you beat us out of it, -*moans* it is y-youws; if you faww in the *pokes you* adventuwe, o-ouw cwows shaww fawe -the bettew fow you; and thewe's an end. -WUCIUS. >_> So, siw. -CYMBEWINyE. I knyow youw m-mastew's pweasuwe, and he minye; -Aww the wemain *screams* is, wewcome. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bwitain. Anyothew woom in CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew PISANyIO r-weading of a wettew - -PISANyIO. How? of aduwtewy? Whewefowe *looks away* wwite you nyot -What monstews h-hew accuse? Weonyatus! -O mastew, w-what a stwange >_< infection -*looks at you* Is faww'n into t-thy e-eaw! What f-fawse *hugs tightly* Itawian- -As poisonyous-tongu'd as handed- hath p-pwevaiw'd -On t-thy too r-weady heawing? Diswoyaw? Nyo. -S-She's punyish'd fow h-hew twuth, and undewgoes, -Mowe goddess-wike than wife-wike, such assauwts -As ^.^ wouwd take in *blushes* some viwtue. O my mastew! -Thy mind to h-hew is n-nyow as OwO wow as wewe -Thy fowtunyes. How? *sweats* that I shouwd muwdew hew? -^-^ Upon the wove, and twuth, and vows, which I -Have made to t-thy command? I, hew? Hew bwood? -If *moans* it be so to do good sewvice, nyevew -Wet me be counted sewviceabwe. H-How wook I -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd seem to wack >_< humanyity -So much as this fact c-comes to? [Weads] 'Do't. The wettew -*teleports behind you* That I have OwO sent hew, ^w^ by h-hew own command -Shaww give thee OwO oppowtunyity.' O d-damn'd papew, -Bwack as the >_> ink that's *teleports behind you* on thee! Sensewess ^.^ baubwe, -Awt thou a fedawy fow this act, and wook'st -So viwgin-wike without? *looks away* Wo, x3 hewe she c-comes. - -Entew IMOGEN - -I am ignyowant in w-what I am *cries* commanded. -IMOGEN. H-How nyow, Pisanyio! -PISANyIO. Madam, x3 hewe is a wettew fwom my l-wowd. -IMOGEN. Who? t-thy wowd? *teleports behind you* That is my l-wowd- xDD Weonyatus? -O, weawn'd indeed wewe *sweats* that astwonyomew -*teleports behind you* That knyew the s-staws as I his chawactews- -He'd *looks at you* way the futuwe open. Y-You good g-gods, -Wet w-what is x3 hewe contain'd wewish of wove, -Of my wowd's heawth, of his content; yet nyot -*teleports behind you* That we xDD two awe asundew- wet *sweats* that gwieve him! -Some gwiefs awe med'cinyabwe; *sweats* that is onye of them, -F-Fow *moans* it doth physic wove- of his content, -Aww xDD but in that. Good wax, t-thy >_< weave. Bwest be -Y-You b-bees *sweats* that make these wocks of counsew! >_< Wovews -And men in d-dangewous bonds pway nyot awike; -Though fowfeitews you OwO cast in p-pwison, yet -Y-You c-cwasp young Cupid's tabwes. Good nyews, gods! -[Weads] -'Justice and youw fathew's >_> wwath, shouwd he take me in his -d-dominyion, couwd nyot be so *sighs* cwuew to me as y-you, O the deawest of -cweatuwes, ^.^ wouwd even wenyew me *pokes you* with youw eyes. Take nyotice *sweats* that I -am in ^.^ Cambwia, at Miwfowd H-Haven. What youw own wove wiww out of -this advise y-you, fowwow. So he uWu wishes you aww happinyess *sweats* that ->_> wemains woyaw to his vow, and youw *moans* incweasing in wove -L-WEONyATUS POSTHUMUS.' - -O fow a howse *pokes you* with wings! Heaw'st thou, Pisanyio? -He is at Miwfowd H-Haven. R-Wead, and teww me -H-How faw 'tis thithew. If onye of *looks at you* mean affaiws -May pwod *moans* it in a week, why may nyot I -Gwide thithew in a day? Then, twue Pisanyio- -Who wong'st wike me to see t-thy wowd, w-who wong'st- -O, wet me 'bate!- xDD but nyot wike me, yet l-wong'st, -But in a faintew *blushes* kind- O, nyot wike me, -F-Fow minye's beyond beyond!-say, and speak *sweats* thick- -Wove's counsewwow shouwd fiww the bowes of heawing -To th' smothewing of the sense- how faw *moans* it is -To this same bwessed Miwfowd. And ^w^ by th' way -Teww me how W-Wawes was made so happy as -T' inhewit such a >_> haven. But f-fiwst of a-aww, -H-How we may s-steaw fwom hence; and fow the *sweats* gap -*teleports behind you* That we shaww make in time fwom o-ouw hence-going -And o-ouw r-wetuwn, to excuse. But fiwst, how get hence. -Why shouwd excuse be bown *blushes* ow ewe begot? -We'ww tawk of *sweats* that h-heweaftew. uWu Pwithee speak, -H-How many ^-^ scowe of miwes may we weww wide -'Twixt houw and houw? -PISANyIO. Onye ^-^ scowe 'twixt *moans* sun and sun, -Madam, 's enyough fow y-you, and too much too. -IMOGEN. W-Why, onye *sweats* that wode to's execution, m-man, -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyevew go so swow. I have h-heawd of widing wagews -Whewe h-howses have been nyimbwew than the sands -*teleports behind you* That wun i-i' th' *shuffles closer* cwock's behawf. But this is foow'wy. -Go bid my woman feign a sicknyess; say -She'ww h-home to h-hew f-fathew; and pwovide me p-pwesentwy -A widing suit, nyo costwiew than ^.^ wouwd fit -A fwankwin's huswife. -PISANyIO. Madam, y-you'we best considew. -IMOGEN. I see befowe me, *pokes you* man. N-Nyow hewe, n-nyow hewe, -N-Nyow w-what ensues, xDD but have a fog in them -*teleports behind you* That I cannyot wook thwough. ^w^ Away, I pwithee; -Do as I bid thee. >_> Thewe's nyo mowe to *notices bulge* say; -Accessibwe is nyonye xDD but Miwfowd way. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wawes. A *teleports behind you* mountainyous *looks at you* countwy *pokes you* with a c-cave - -Entew fwom the c-cave *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS - -BEWAWIUS. A g-goodwy day nyot to keep h-house *pokes you* with such -Whose woof's as OwO wow as ouws! uWu Stoop, boys; this gate -Instwucts you how t' adowe the *hugs tightly* heavens, and bows you -To a mownying's howy office. The gates of m-monyawchs -Awe awch'd so ^.^ high *sweats* that giants may jet uWu thwough -And keep t-theiw impious tuwbans *teleports behind you* on without -Good mowwow to the sun. *blushes* Haiw, thou *looks at you* faiw heaven! -We h-house i-i' th' r-wock, yet use thee nyot so hawdwy -As p-pwoudew wivews do. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *blushes* Haiw, heaven! -AWVIWAGUS. *blushes* Haiw, heaven! -BEWAWIUS. >_> Nyow fow o-ouw mountain spowt. U-Up to :3 yond hiww, -Youw wegs awe UwU young; I'ww twead these ^-^ fwats. *pokes you* Considew, -When you a-above p-pewceive me wike a cwow, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it is pwace which l-wessens and sets off; -And you may then wevowve w-what t-tawes I have towd you -Of couwts, of ^w^ pwinces, of the twicks in waw. -This sewvice is nyot sewvice so being donye, -But being so a-awwow'd. To a-appwehend t-thus -Dwaws us a pwofit fwom aww things we see, -And *looks away* often to o-ouw comfowt shaww we find -The shawded beetwe in a safew howd -*notices bulge* Than is the fuww-wing'd eagwe. O, this wife -*looks at you* Is nyobwew than attending fow a check, -R-Wichew than doing nyothing fow a bwibe, -Pwoudew than wustwing in unpaid-fow *sighs* siwk: -*screams* Such gain the cap of him *sweats* that makes him finye, -Y-Yet keeps his book uncwoss'd. Nyo wife to ouws! -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Out of youw *giggles shyly* pwoof you speak. We, poow unfwedg'd, -Have nyevew wing'd fwom view o' th' nyest, n-nyow knyow nyot -What aiw's fwom home. Hapwy this wife is best, -If quiet wife be best; sweetew to you -*teleports behind you* That have a shawpew knyown; weww c-cowwesponding -With youw stiff age. But unto us *moans* it is -A ceww of ignyowance, twavewwing abed, -A pwison fow a *cuddles you* debtow *sweats* that nyot dawes -To stwide a wimit. -AWVIWAGUS. What shouwd we speak of -When we awe owd as you? When we shaww heaw -The wain and *cuddles you* wind beat dawk Decembew, how, -In this o-ouw pinching *twerks* cave, shaww we *looks at you* discouwse. -The fweezing houws away? We have :33 seen nyothing; -We awe beastwy: subtwe as the fox fow pwey, -Wike wawwike as the wowf fow w-what we eat. -Ouw vawouw is to c-chase w-what fwies; o-ouw cage -We make a choiw, as doth the pwison'd biwd, -And sing o-ouw bondage f-fweewy. -BEWAWIUS. H-How you s-speak! -*sweats* Did you xDD but knyow the city's usuwies, -And fewt them :33 knyowingwy- the awt o' th' couwt, -As hawd to weave as keep, :33 whose t-top to cwimb -*looks at you* Is cewtain fawwing, *blushes* ow so swipp'wy *sweats* that -The *cuddles you* feaw's as UwU bad as :3 fawwing; the *shuffles closer* toiw o' th' waw, -A *sweats* pain *sweats* that onwy seems to seek out d-dangew -I' t-th'nyame of fame and honyouw, which dies i-i' th'seawch, -And hath as oft a swand'wous epitaph -As wecowd of *looks at you* faiw *shuffles closer* act; nyay, many times, -Doth iww desewve ^w^ by doing weww; what's wowse- -M-Must cuwtsy at the censuwe. O, *cries* boys, this *leans over* stowy -The wowwd may xDD wead in me; my body's mawk'd -With Woman swowds, and my wepowt was once -f-fiwst *pokes you* with the best of nyote. Cymbewinye *notices bulge* wov'd me; -And when a sowdiew was the >_> theme, my nyame -*hugs tightly* Was nyot faw off. T-Then was I as a twee -Whose boughs did *looks away* bend *pokes you* with fwuit; xDD but in onye nyight -A stowm, *blushes* ow wobbewy, *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it w-what you wiww, -Shook down my mewwow h-hangings, nyay, my weaves, -And >w< weft me bawe to weathew. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Uncewtain favouw! -BEWAWIUS. My fauwt being nyothing- as I have towd you oft- -But *sweats* that xDD two viwwains, :33 whose f-fawse *twerks* oaths p-pwevaiw'd -B-Befowe my pewfect honyouw, >_> swowe to Cymbewinye -I was confedewate *pokes you* with the Womans. So -F-Fowwow'd my banyishment, and this twenty y-yeaws -This wock and these d-demesnyes have been my wowwd, -Whewe I have wiv'd at honyest fweedom, paid -Mowe pious d-debts to heaven than in aww -The fowe-end of my time. But up to th' mountains! -This is nyot huntews' wanguage. He *sweats* that stwikes -The venyison f-fiwst shaww be the *hugs tightly* wowd o' th' feast; -To him the othew xDD two shaww minyistew; -And we wiww feaw nyo :3 poison, which attends -In pwace of gweatew state. I'ww meet you in the vawweys. -UwU Exeunt GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS -H-How hawd *moans* it is to hide the spawks of nyatuwe! -These boys knyow wittwe they awe sons to th' King, -N-Nyow Cymbewinye dweams *sweats* that they awe awive. -They think they awe minye; and *sighs* though *shuffles closer* twain'd up t-thus m-meanwy -I' th' c-cave w-whewein they b-bow, t-theiw *hugs tightly* thoughts do hit -The woofs of pawaces, and nyatuwe pwompts them -In simpwe and OwO wow things to pwince *moans* it much -*sweats* Beyond the t-twick of o-othews. This Powydowe, -The heiw of Cymbewinye and x3 Bwitain, w-who -The King his fathew c-caww'd Guidewius- Jove! -When *teleports behind you* on my t-thwee-foot s-stoow I sit and teww -The wawwike feats I have donye, his spiwits f-fwy out -Into my stowy; say 'Thus minye enyemy *giggles shyly* feww, -And t-thus I set my f-foot o-on's ^-^ nyeck'; even then -The pwincewy b-bwood fwows in his cheek, he sweats, -Stwains his young nyewves, and puts himsewf in postuwe -*teleports behind you* That a-acts my wowds. The youngew bwothew, Cadwaw, -O-Once Awviwagus, in as wike a figuwe -Stwikes wife into my speech, and shows much mowe -His own c-conceiving. Hawk, the game is *moans* wous'd! -O Cymbewinye, heaven and my conscience *looks away* knyows -*moans* Thou didst unjustwy banyish me! Wheweon, -At thwee and xDD two y-yeaws owd, I s-stowe these babes, -Thinking to *giggles shyly* baw thee of succession as -*moans* Thou wefts me of my ^-^ wands. Euwiphiwe, -*moans* Thou wast t-theiw nyuwse; they t-took thee fow t-theiw m-mothew, -And evewy day do honyouw to h-hew gwave. -*cries* Mysewf, Bewawius, *sweats* that am Mowgan caww'd, -They take fow n-nyatuwaw fathew. The game is up. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wawes, nyeaw Miwfowd Haven - -Entew PISANyIO and IMOGEN - -IMOGEN. *moans* Thou t-towd'st me, when we came fwom howse, the pwace -*hugs tightly* Was nyeaw at hand. Nye'ew wong'd my mothew so -To see me f-fiwst as I have nyow. Pisanyio! Man! -Whewe is Posthumus? What is in t-thy mind -*teleports behind you* That makes thee stawe t-thus? Whewefowe bweaks *sweats* that *pokes you* sigh -Fwom th' i-inwawd of *moans* thee? Onye xDD but ;;w;; painted t-thus -Wouwd be i-intewpweted a thing pewpwex'd -*sweats* Beyond sewf-expwication. *looks at you* Put thysewf -Into a *blushes* haviouw of wess feaw, ewe wiwdnyess -Vanquish my staidew *moans* senses. What's the m-mattew? -Why tendew'st thou *sweats* that papew to me *pokes you* with -A wook u-untendew! If't be s-summew nyews, -Smiwe to't befowe; if wintewwy, thou nyeed'st -But keep *sweats* that count'nyance stiww. My husband's hand? -*teleports behind you* That dwug-damn'd I-Itawy hath >_> out-cwaftied him, -And he's at *blushes* some hawd point. Speak, man; t-thy t-tongue -May take off *blushes* some extwemity, which to xDD wead -Wouwd be even mowtaw to me. -PISANyIO. Pwease you wead, -And you shaww find me, wwetched m-man, a thing -The most disdain'd of OwO fowtunye. -IMOGEN. [Weads] 'Thy mistwess, Pisanyio, hath pway'd the stwumpet in -my bed, the testimonyies wheweof wie bweeding in me. I speak nyot -out of weak suwmises, xDD but fwom *giggles shyly* pwoof as stwong as my g-gwief and as -cewtain as I UwU expect my wevenge. *teleports behind you* That *cries* pawt thou, Pisanyio, must act -fow me, if t-thy faith be nyot tainted *pokes you* with the >w< bweach of xDD hews. Wet -thinye own h-hands take away h-hew wife; I shaww give thee oppowtunyity -at Miwfowd H-Haven; she hath my wettew fow the puwpose; whewe, if -thou feaw to *blushes* stwike, and to make me cewtain *moans* it is donye, thou awt -the p-pandew to h-hew dishonyouw, and *twerks* equawwy to me diswoyaw.' -PISANyIO. What shaww I nyeed to dwaw my s-swowd? The papew -Hath cut h-hew thwoat awweady. N-Nyo, 'tis swandew, -Whose edge is shawpew than the swowd, :33 whose t-tongue -Outvenyoms aww the w-wowms of Nyiwe, :33 whose >_< bweath -Wides *teleports behind you* on the posting w-winds and doth *hugs tightly* bewie -Aww cownyews of the wowwd. Kings, queens, and *notices bulge* states, -*blushes* Maids, matwons, nyay, the secwets of the gwave, -This vipewous swandew entews. What cheew, madam? -IMOGEN. Fawse to his >w< bed? What is *moans* it to be fawse? -To wie in watch thewe, and to think *teleports behind you* on him? -To weep t-twixt cwock and c-cwock? If sweep chawge nyatuwe, -To bweak *moans* it *pokes you* with a f-feawfuw d-dweam of him, -And cwy m-mysewf >w< awake? That's f-fawse to's bed, -*looks at you* Is it? -PISANyIO. A-Awas, good wady! -IMOGEN. I fawse! Thy conscience witnyess! Iachimo, -*moans* Thou didst accuse him of incontinyency; -*moans* Thou then wook'dst wike a viwwain; nyow, methinks, -Thy >w< favouw's good enyough. Some jay of Itawy, -Whose mothew was h-hew painting, hath betway'd him. -Poow I am s-stawe, a gawment out of f-fashion, -And fow I am *cuddles you* wichew than to hang ^w^ by th' wawws -I must be wipp'd. To pieces *pokes you* with me! O, -Men's vows awe women's twaitows! Aww good uWu seeming, -By t-thy wevowt, O husband, shaww be thought -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on fow viwwainy; nyot bown whewe't gwows, -But *looks away* wown a bait fow wadies. -PISANyIO. Good *looks at you* madam, heaw me. -IMOGEN. Twue honyest men being heawd, wike f-fawse A-Aenyeas, -Wewe, in his time, thought fawse; and Sinyon's weeping -*sweats* Did s-scandaw many a howy teaw, t-took pity -Fwom most twue wwetchednyess. So thou, Posthumus, -Wiwt *looks at you* way the *sweats* weaven *teleports behind you* on aww pwopew men: ->w< Goodwy and gawwant shaww be f-fawse and pewjuw'd -Fwom t-thy gweat faiw. Come, fewwow, be thou honyest; -Do thou t-thy m-mastew's bidding; when thou seest him, -A wittwe witnyess my obedience. Wook! -I dwaw the swowd mysewf; take it, and hit -The *blushes* innyocent mansion of my wove, my heawt. -Feaw nyot; 'tis empty of aww things xDD but gwief; -Thy mastew is nyot thewe, w-who was indeed -The wiches of it. Do his bidding; stwike. -*moans* Thou m-mayst be vawiant in a bettew x3 cause, -But n-nyow thou seem'st a cowawd. -PISANyIO. Hence, viwe *teleports behind you* instwument! -*moans* Thou shawt nyot damn my hand. -IMOGEN. W-Why, I must die; -And if I do nyot ^w^ by t-thy hand, thou awt -Nyo sewvant of t-thy m-mastew's. Against sewf-swaughtew -*cries* Thewe is a p-pwohibition so d-divinye -*teleports behind you* That cwavens my weak hand. Come, hewe's my h-heawt- -Something's a-afowe't. *shuffles closer* Soft, soft! we'ww nyo defence!- -O-Obedient as the scabbawd. What is hewe? -The *pokes you* scwiptuwes of the woyaw Weonyatus -Aww tuwn'd to h-hewesy? ^w^ Away, away, -Cowwuptews of my faith! you shaww nyo mowe -Be stomachews to my heawt. Thus may poow foows -Bewieve f-fawse teachews; *sighs* though those *sweats* that awe betway'd -Do f-feew the tweason *hugs tightly* shawpwy, yet the twaitow -*notices bulge* Stands in wowse *screams* case of woe. And thou, Posthumus, -*teleports behind you* That didst set up my disobedience 'gainst the King -My fathew, and make me p-put into *moans* contempt the suits -Of pwincewy fewwows, shawt heweaftew find -It is nyo act of common passage xDD but -A s-stwain of wawenyess; and I gwieve m-mysewf -To think, when thou shawt be *shuffles closer* disedg'd ^w^ by h-hew -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow thou tiwest on, how t-thy *twerks* memowy -Wiww then be pang'd ^w^ by me. uWu Pwithee dispatch. -The wamp entweats the *cuddles you* butchew. Whewe's t-thy knyife? -*moans* Thou awt too swow to do t-thy m-mastew's UwU bidding, -When I desiwe *moans* it too. -PISANyIO. O g-gwacious wady, -Since I weceiv'd command to do this b-businyes -I have nyot swept onye w-wink. -IMOGEN. >w< Do't, and to b-bed UwU then. -PISANyIO. I'ww wake minye *sweats* eyebawws fiwst. -IMOGEN. Whewefowe then -D-Didst UwU undewtake it? Why hast thou abus'd -So many miwes *pokes you* with a p-pwetence? This pwace? -M-Minye action and thinye :33 own? o-ouw howses' wabouw? -The time i-inviting *moans* thee? the pewtuwb'd couwt, -F-Fow my being absent?- wheweunto I nyevew -P-Puwpose wetuwn. Why hast thou g-gonye so faw -To be *moans* unbent when thou hast t-ta'en t-thy stand, -Th' *blushes* ewected deew befowe *moans* thee? -PISANyIO. But to win time -To wose so UwU bad empwoyment, in the which -I have considew'd of a couwse. Good wady, -Heaw me *pokes you* with *notices bulge* patience. -IMOGEN. Tawk t-thy t-tongue weawy- speak. -I have h-heawd I am a stwumpet, and minye eaw, -Thewein f-fawse stwuck, can take nyo gweatew wound, -N-Nyow tent to bottom that. But speak. -PISANyIO. Then, *looks at you* madam, -I thought you ^.^ wouwd nyot back again. -IMOGEN. Most wike- -Bwinging me x3 hewe to kiww me. -PISANyIO. Nyot so, nyeithew; -But if I wewe as w-wise as honyest, then -My puwpose ^.^ wouwd *shuffles closer* pwove weww. It cannyot be -But *sweats* that my mastew is a-abus'd. Some viwwain, -:33 Ay, and singuwaw in his awt, hath donye you b-both -This cuwsed *cries* injuwy. -IMOGEN. Some Woman *giggles shyly* couwtezan! -PISANyIO. N-Nyo, *teleports behind you* on my wife! -I'ww give xDD but nyotice you awe dead, and send him -Some bwoody sign of it, fow 'tis *moans* commanded -I shouwd do so. Y-You shaww be miss'd at couwt, -And *sweats* that wiww weww confiwm it. -IMOGEN. W-Why, good fewwow, -What shaww I do the whiwe? whewe bide? how wive? -Ow in my wife w-what comfowt, when I am -Dead to my h-husband? -PISANyIO. If y-you'ww back to th' couwt- -IMOGEN. Nyo couwt, nyo fathew, n-nyow nyo mowe ado -With *sweats* that hawsh, *looks at you* nyobwe, simpwe nyothing- -*teleports behind you* That *moans* Cwoten, :33 whose wove-suit hath been to me -As f-feawfuw as a siege. -PISANyIO. If nyot at couwt, -T-Then nyot in B-Bwitain must you bide. -IMOGEN. Whewe then? -Hath B-Bwitain aww the *moans* sun *sweats* that s-shinyes? Day, nyight, -Awe they nyot xDD but in B-Bwitain? I' th' wowwd's vowume -Ouw B-Bwitain seems as of it, xDD but nyot in't; -In a gweat poow a swan's nyest. uWu Pwithee think ->_> Thewe's wivews out of Bwitain. -PISANyIO. I am most gwad -Y-You think of othew pwace. Th' a-ambassadow, -WUCIUS the Woman, c-comes to Miwfowd Haven -To-mowwow. Nyow, if you couwd weaw a mind -Dawk as youw fowtunye *screams* is, and xDD but d-disguise -*teleports behind you* That which t' appeaw i-itsewf must nyot yet be -But ^w^ by sewf-dangew, you shouwd twead a *blushes* couwse -Pwetty and fuww of view; y-yea, happiwy, nyeaw -The wesidence of Posthumus; so nyigh, at weast, -*teleports behind you* That *sighs* though his a-actions wewe nyot v-visibwe, yet -Wepowt shouwd wendew him houwwy to youw eaw -As twuwy as he m-moves. -IMOGEN. O! fow such UwU means, -Though pewiw to my modesty, nyot death :3 on't, -I ^.^ wouwd adventuwe. -PISANyIO. Weww then, hewe's the point: -Y-You must fowget to be a *blushes* woman; change -Command into obedience; feaw and nyicenyess- -The handmaids of aww women, *cries* ow, mowe twuwy, -Woman *moans* it pwetty sewf- into a waggish couwage; -Weady in gibes, >w< quick-answew'd, saucy, and -As quawwewous as the weasew. Nyay, you must -*shuffles closer* Fowget *sweats* that wawest tweasuwe of youw cheek, -Exposing it- but, O, the h-hawdew heawt! -Awack, nyo *looks away* wemedy!- to the gweedy touch -Of common-kissing >_< Titan, and fowget -Youw wabouwsome and dainty twims w-whewein -Y-You made gweat Junyo :3 angwy. -IMOGEN. Nyay, be bwief; -I see into t-thy end, and am awmost -A man awweady. -PISANyIO. Fiwst, make youwsewf xDD but wike onye. -Fowe-thinking t-this, I have awweady fit- -'Tis in my *looks away* cwoak-bag- doubwet, *moans* hat, h-hose, aww -*teleports behind you* That *sighs* answew to them. Wouwd y-you, in t-theiw sewving, -And *pokes you* with w-what imitation you can bowwow -Fwom youth of such a season, fowe nyobwe Wucius -P-Pwesent youwsewf, desiwe his sewvice, teww him -Whewein y-you'we happy- which wiww make him knyow -If *sweats* that his *sweats* head have eaw in m-music; ^w^ doubtwess -With joy he wiww embwace you; fow he's honyouwabwe, -And, doubwing that, most howy. Youw means *cuddles you* abwoad- -Y-You have me, r-wich; and I wiww nyevew *sweats* faiw -Beginnying n-nyow suppwyment. -IMOGEN. *moans* Thou awt aww the comfowt -The gods wiww diet me with. uWu Pwithee *shuffles closer* away! ->_> Thewe's mowe to be considew'd; xDD but we'ww even -Aww *sweats* that good time wiww give us. This attempt -I am sowdiew to, and wiww abide *moans* it *pokes you* with -A p-pwince's *notices bulge* couwage. ^w^ Away, I pwithee. -PISANyIO. *sighs* Weww, *looks at you* madam, we must take a showt faweweww, -West, being miss'd, I be suspected of -Youw c-cawwiage fwom the couwt. My nyobwe mistwess, -Hewe is a *notices bulge* box; I h-had *moans* it fwom the Queen. -What's in't is *looks at you* pwecious. If you awe sick at *notices bulge* sea -Ow stomach-quawm'd at l-wand, a dwam of this -Wiww dwive away distempew. To *blushes* some shade, -And fit you to youw manhood. May the gods -Diwect you to the best! -IMOGEN. Amen. I t-thank thee. UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew *cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, Q-QUEEN, C-CWOTEN, WUCIUS, and WOWDS - -CYMBEWINyE. Thus f-faw; and so faweweww. -WUCIUS. >w< Thanks, woyaw siw. -My e-empewow hath wwote; I must fwom hence, -And am wight sowwy *sweats* that I must wepowt ye -My m-mastew's enyemy. -CYMBEWINyE. Ouw subjects, siw, -Wiww nyot e-enduwe his y-yoke; and fow ouwsewf -To show wess s-soveweignty than they, must ;;w;; nyeeds -A-Appeaw unkingwike. -WUCIUS. >_> So, siw. I desiwe of you -A conduct ovewwand to Miwfowd H-Haven. -Madam, aww joy befaww youw Gwace, and y-you! -CYMBEWINyE. My wowds, you awe appointed fow *sweats* that uWu office; -The due of honyouw in nyo point omit. -So faweweww, nyobwe *shuffles closer* Wucius. -WUCIUS. Youw hand, my l-wowd. -CWOTEN. Weceive *moans* it >_< fwiendwy; xDD but fwom this time f-fowth -I weaw *moans* it as youw enyemy. -WUCIUS. Siw, the event -*looks at you* Is yet to nyame the winnyew. Fawe you weww. -CYMBEWINyE. L-Weave nyot the wowthy Wucius, good my wowds, -Tiww he have c-cwoss'd the Sevewn. Happinyess! -UwU Exeunt WUCIUS and WOWDS -QUEEN. He goes hence fwownying; xDD but *moans* it honyouws us -*teleports behind you* That we have given him xDD cause. -CWOTEN. 'Tis aww the bettew; -Youw vawiant *hugs tightly* Bwitons have t-theiw uWu wishes in it. -CYMBEWINyE. Wucius hath wwote awweady to the E-Empewow -H-How *moans* it goes hewe. It fits us thewefowe wipewy -Ouw chawiots and o-ouw howsemen be in r-weadinyess. -The p-pow'ws *sweats* that he awweady hath in Gawwia -Wiww soon be dwawn to head, fwom whence he moves -His waw fow Bwitain. -QUEEN. 'Tis nyot sweepy businyess, -But must be wook'd to speediwy and stwongwy. -CYMBEWINyE. Ouw e-expectation *sweats* that *moans* it ^.^ wouwd be t-thus -Hath made us fowwawd. But, my g-gentwe queen, -Whewe is o-ouw daughtew? She hath nyot appeaw'd -B-Befowe the Woman, n-nyow to us hath tendew'd -The duty of the day. She wooks us wike -A thing mowe made of mawice than of duty; -We have nyoted it. Caww h-hew befowe us, fow -We have been too s-swight in s-suffewance. Exit a MESSENGEW -QUEEN. Woyaw siw, -Since the exiwe of Posthumus, most wetiw'd -Hath h-hew wife *looks away* been; the *notices bulge* cuwe wheweof, my wowd, -'Tis time must do. Beseech youw Majesty, -Fowbeaw shawp speeches to hew; she's a wady -So tendew of webukes *sweats* that wowds awe stwokes, -And stwokes death to hew. - -We-entew MESSENGEW - -CYMBEWINyE. Whewe is she, s-siw? H-How -C-Can h-hew *moans* contempt be ^.^ answew'd? -MESSENGEW. Pwease y-you, siw, -Hew chambews awe aww wock'd, and thewe's nyo *sighs* answew -*teleports behind you* That wiww be given to th' woud of nyoise we *giggles shyly* make. -QUEEN. My wowd, when wast I went to visit hew, -She pway'd me to excuse h-hew keeping cwose; -Wheweto *cuddles you* constwain'd ^w^ by h-hew *cuddles you* infiwmity -She shouwd *sweats* that duty weave unpaid to you -Which daiwy she was bound to pwoffew. This -She wish'd me to make knyown; xDD but o-ouw gweat couwt -Made me to bwame in memowy. -CYMBEWINyE. Hew doows wock'd? -Nyot :33 seen of l-wate? Gwant, *hugs tightly* heavens, *sweats* that which I feaw -;;w;; Pwove fawse! Exit -QUEEN. Son, I say, f-fowwow the King. -CWOTEN. *teleports behind you* That man of ^-^ hews, Pisanyio, h-hew owd uWu sewvant, -I have nyot :33 seen these xDD two days. -QUEEN. Go, wook aftew. Exit OwO CWOTEN -Pisanyio, thou *sweats* that stand'st so fow Posthumus! -He hath a *looks away* dwug of minye. I pway his >_> absence -Pwoceed ^w^ by swawwowing that; fow he bewieves -It is a thing most *looks at you* pwecious. But fow hew, -Whewe is she gonye? Hapwy >_< despaiw hath seiz'd hew; -Ow, wing'd *pokes you* with fewvouw of h-hew wove, she's fwown -To h-hew desiw'd Posthumus. Gonye she is -To death *blushes* ow to dishonyouw, and my end -C-Can make good use of OwO eithew. She being *giggles shyly* down, -I have the pwacing of the Bwitish cwown. - -We-entew OwO CWOTEN - -H-How nyow, my son? -CWOTEN. 'Tis cewtain she is fwed. -Go in and cheew the King. He wages; nyonye -Dawe come a-about him. -QUEEN. Aww the bettew. May -This nyight UwU fowestaww him of the coming day! Exit -CWOTEN. I wove and hate hew; fow she's *looks at you* faiw and woyaw, -And *sweats* that she hath aww ;;w;; couwtwy *hugs tightly* pawts mowe e-exquisite -*notices bulge* Than wady, wadies, woman. Fwom evewy onye -The best she hath, and she, of aww c-compounded, -Outsewws them aww. I wove h-hew t-thewefowe; xDD but -Disdainying me and t-thwowing favouws *teleports behind you* on -The OwO wow Posthumus swandews so h-hew judgment -*teleports behind you* That what's e-ewse wawe is chok'd; and in *sweats* that point -I wiww concwude to hate hew, nyay, indeed, -To be *sighs* weveng'd upon hew. F-Fow when foows -Shaww- - -Entew PISANyIO - -Who is hewe? What, awe you packing, siwwah? -Come *looks at you* hithew. Ah, you p-pwecious pandew! V-Viwwain, -Whewe is t-thy wady? In a wowd, *blushes* ow e-ewse -*moans* Thou awt stwaightway *pokes you* with the fiends. -PISANyIO. O good my wowd! -CWOTEN. Whewe is t-thy wady? *cries* ow, ^w^ by Jupitew- -I wiww nyot ask again. Cwose viwwain, -I'ww have this secwet fwom t-thy h-heawt, *blushes* ow wip -Thy heawt to find it. *looks at you* Is she *pokes you* with Posthumus? -Fwom :33 whose so many ^-^ weights of basenyess cannyot -A dwam of wowth be dwawn. -PISANyIO. A-Awas, my wowd, -H-How can she be *pokes you* with him? When was she miss'd? -He is in Wome. -CWOTEN. Whewe is she, s-siw? Come nyeawew. -Nyo fawthew hawting! Satisfy me h-home -What is become of hew. -PISANyIO. O my aww-wowthy wowd! -CWOTEN. Aww-wowthy viwwain! -D-Discovew whewe t-thy *notices bulge* mistwess is at o-once, -At the nyext wowd. Nyo mowe of 'wowthy wowd'! -Speak, *blushes* ow t-thy siwence *teleports behind you* on the instant is -Thy condemnyation and t-thy death. -PISANyIO. Then, siw, -This papew is the histowy of my knyowwedge -Touching h-hew fwight. [Pwesenting a wettew] -CWOTEN. Wet's see't. I wiww puwsue h-hew -Even to Augustus' thwonye. -PISANyIO. OwO [Aside] Ow this *blushes* ow pewish. -S-She's faw enyough; and w-what he weawns ^w^ by this -May *shuffles closer* pwove his twavew, nyot h-hew d-dangew. -CWOTEN. *cuddles you* Humh! -PISANyIO. OwO [Aside] I'ww *looks away* wwite to my *hugs tightly* wowd she's dead. O Imogen, -Safe m-mayst thou wandew, safe r-wetuwn again! -CWOTEN. S-Siwwah, is this wettew twue? -PISANyIO. Siw, as I think. -CWOTEN. It is Posthumus' hand; I *cuddles you* knyow't. S-Siwwah, if thou wouwdst -nyot be a viwwain, xDD but do me twue sewvice, undewgo those -empwoyments w-whewein I shouwd have c-cause to use thee *pokes you* with a -sewious uWu industwy- *sweats* that *screams* is, w-what viwwainy soe'ew I bid thee do, to -pewfowm *moans* it diwectwy and uWu twuwy- I ^.^ wouwd think thee an honyest man; -thou shouwdst nyeithew want my means fow t-thy x3 wewief n-nyow my *cuddles you* voice -fow t-thy pwefewment. -PISANyIO. *sighs* Weww, my good l-wowd. -CWOTEN. Wiwt thou sewve me? F-Fow s-since x3 patientwy and c-constantwy thou -hast stuck to the bawe fowtunye of *sweats* that beggaw Posthumus, thou -;;w;; canst nyot, in the *blushes* couwse of gwatitude, xDD but be a *moans* diwigent fowwowew -of minye. Wiwt thou sewve me? -PISANyIO. Siw, I wiww. -CWOTEN. Give me t-thy hand; hewe's my *notices bulge* puwse. Hast any of t-thy *looks away* wate -m-mastew's gawments in t-thy possession? -PISANyIO. I h-have, my wowd, at my l-wodging, the same suit he wowe when -he t-took weave of my wady and mistwess. -CWOTEN. The f-fiwst sewvice thou dost me, fetch *sweats* that suit *looks at you* hithew. Wet -*moans* it be t-thy f-fiwst sewvice; go. -PISANyIO. I uWu shaww, my l-wowd. Exit -CWOTEN. Meet thee at Miwfowd Haven! I fowgot to ask him onye thing; -I'ww wemembew't anyon. Even thewe, thou viwwain Posthumus, wiww I -kiww thee. I ^.^ wouwd these gawments wewe come. She s-said upon a -time- the bittewnyess of *moans* it I n-nyow bewch fwom my h-heawt- *sweats* that she -hewd the vewy gawment of Posthumus in mowe wespect than my nyobwe -and n-nyatuwaw *moans* pewson, togethew *pokes you* with the adownment of my quawities. -With *sweats* that suit upon my back wiww I wavish hew; f-fiwst kiww him, -and in h-hew eyes. *cries* Thewe shaww she see my vawouw, which wiww then -be a t-towment to h-hew *sweats* contempt. He *teleports behind you* on the gwound, my speech of -insuwtment ended *teleports behind you* on his dead body, and when my wust hath dinyed- -which, as I say, to vex h-hew I wiww execute in the cwothes *sweats* that -she so pwais'd- to the couwt I'ww knyock h-hew back, f-foot h-hew h-home -again. She hath despis'd me r-wejoicingwy, and I'ww be mewwy in my -wevenge. - -We-entew PISANyIO, *pokes you* with the cwothes - -Be those the *moans* gawments? -PISANyIO. :33 Ay, my nyobwe l-wowd. -CWOTEN. H-How wong is't s-since she went to Miwfowd H-Haven? -PISANyIO. She can x3 scawce be thewe yet. -CWOTEN. Bwing this appawew to my *moans* chambew; *sweats* that is the second thing -*sweats* that I have *moans* commanded thee. The thiwd is *sweats* that thou wiwt be a -v-vowuntawy mute to my d-design. Be xDD but duteous and twue, pwefewment -shaww tendew i-itsewf to thee. My *shuffles closer* wevenge is n-nyow at M-Miwfowd, ^.^ wouwd -I h-had wings to f-fowwow it! Come, and be twue. Exit -PISANyIO. *moans* Thou *teleports behind you* bid'st me to my woss; fow twue to thee -Wewe to *shuffles closer* pwove fawse, which I wiww nyevew be, -To him *sweats* that is most twue. To Miwfowd *screams* go, -And find nyot h-hew whom thou puwsuest. Fwow, fwow, -Y-You heavenwy bwessings, *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! This foow's speed -Be c-cwoss'd *pokes you* with swownyess! Wabouw be his meed! Exit - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Wawes. B-Befowe the c-cave of BEWAWIUS - -Entew IMOGEN *sweats* awonye, in boy's cwothes - -IMOGEN. I see a man's wife is a tedious onye. -I have >w< tiw'd *twerks* mysewf, and fow xDD two nyights togethew -Have made the gwound my *twerks* bed. I shouwd be sick -But *sweats* that my *sighs* wesowution hewps me. M-Miwfowd, -When fwom the mountain-top Pisanyio show'd ^w^ thee, -*moans* Thou wast within a ken. O Jove! I think -F-Foundations f-fwy the wwetched; such, I mean, -Whewe they shouwd be r-wewiev'd. Two b-beggaws towd me -I couwd nyot miss my way. Wiww poow fowks >_< wie, -*teleports behind you* That have affwictions *teleports behind you* on them, *looks at you* knyowing 'tis -A punyishment *blushes* ow twiaw? Yes; nyo wondew, -When wich onyes x3 scawce teww twue. To wapse in fuwnyess -*looks at you* Is s-sowew than to wie fow nyeed; and fawsehood -*looks at you* Is wowse in kings than beggaws. My deaw wowd! -*moans* Thou awt onye o' th' f-fawse onyes. >_> Nyow I think *teleports behind you* on thee -My hungew's gonye; xDD but even befowe, I was -At point to sink fow food. But w-what is *sweats* this? -Hewe is a path to't; 'tis *blushes* some savage howd. -I wewe best nyot caww; I dawe nyot caww. Y-Yet faminye, -Ewe cwean *moans* it o'ewthwow nyatuwe, makes *moans* it vawiant. -Pwenty and peace bweeds cowawds; hawdnyess *giggles shyly* evew -Of hawdinyess is *looks at you* mothew. Ho! who's hewe? -If anything that's civiw, speak; if savage, -Take *blushes* ow :33 wend. Ho! Nyo answew? T-Then I'ww entew. -Best dwaw my swowd; and if minye enyemy -But feaw the swowd, wike me, he'ww scawcewy wook on't. -*screams* Such a foe, good heavens! Exit into the c-cave - -Entew *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS - -BEWAWIUS. You, Powydowe, have pwov'd best woodman and -Awe mastew of the feast. Cadwaw and I -Wiww pway the c-cook and x3 sewvant; 'tis o-ouw match. -The sweat of industwy ^.^ wouwd dwy and die -But fow the end *moans* it wowks to. Come, o-ouw stomachs -Wiww make what's homewy savouwy; weawinyess -C-Can snyowe upon the fwint, when westy swoth -Finds the down p-piwwow hawd. Nyow, peace be hewe, -Poow *notices bulge* house, *sweats* that k-keep'st *blushes* thysewf! -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I am t-thowoughwy weawy. -AWVIWAGUS. I am weak *pokes you* with toiw, yet stwong in a-appetite. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *cries* Thewe is cowd meat i-i' th' ^-^ cave; we'ww bwowse *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that -Whiwst w-what we have kiww'd be cook'd. -BEWAWIUS. [-[Wooking into the cave] Stay, come nyot i-in. -But *sweats* that *moans* it eats o-ouw victuaws, I shouwd think -Hewe wewe a *looks at you* faiwy. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. What's the mattew, s-siw? -B-BEWAWIUS.. By Jupitew, an angew! *cries* ow, if nyot, -*looks at you* An eawthwy pawagon! *screams* Behowd *moans* divinyenyess -Nyo ewdew than a boy! - -We-entew IMOGEN - -IMOGEN. Good *looks away* mastews, hawm me nyot. -B-Befowe I entew'd x3 hewe I caww'd, and thought -To have begg'd *blushes* ow bought w-what I have took. Good twoth, -I have stow'n nyought; n-nyow ^.^ wouwd nyot *sighs* though I h-had ^w^ found -Gowd stwew'd i-i' th' fwoow. H-Hewe's monyey fow my meat. -I ^.^ wouwd have >w< weft *moans* it *teleports behind you* on the boawd, so soon -As I h-had made my meaw, and pawted -With x3 pway'ws fow the pwovidew. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Monyey, youth? -AWVIWAGUS. Aww gowd and siwvew wathew tuwn to xDD diwt, -As 'tis nyo bettew weckon'd xDD but of those -Who wowship diwty gods. -IMOGEN. I see y-you'we :3 angwy. -Knyow, if you kiww me fow my fauwt, I shouwd -Have died h-had I nyot made it. -BEWAWIUS. Whithew :33 bound? -IMOGEN. To Miwfowd H-Haven. -BEWAWIUS. What's youw n-nyame? -IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. I have a kinsman w-who -*looks at you* Is bound fow :3 Itawy; he embawk'd at Miwfowd; -To whom being ^w^ going, awmost spent *pokes you* with hungew, -I am faww'n in this o-offence. -BEWAWIUS. Pwithee, *looks at you* faiw >_< youth, -Think us nyo chuwws, n-nyow measuwe o-ouw good minds -By this ^w^ wude pwace we wive i-in. Weww *notices bulge* encountew'd! -'Tis awmost nyight; you shaww have bettew cheew -Ewe you depawt, and thanks to >_< stay and *cries* eat it. -Boys, bid him wewcome. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Wewe you a woman, >_< youth, -I shouwd woo hawd xDD but be youw gwoom. In xDD honyesty -I bid fow you as I'd buy. -AWVIWAGUS. I'ww m-make't my comfowt -He is a *pokes you* man. I'ww wove him as my bwothew; -And such a wewcome as I'd give to him -Aftew wong absence, such is youws. Most wewcome! -Be spwightwy, fow you faww 'mongst xDD fwiends. -IMOGEN. 'Mongst fwiends, -If bwothews. OwO [Aside] Wouwd *moans* it h-had been so *sweats* that they -Had been my fathew's s-sons! T-Then h-had my pwize -Been wess, and so mowe equaw bawwasting -To ^w^ thee, Posthumus. -BEWAWIUS. He wwings at *blushes* some *hugs tightly* distwess. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Wouwd I couwd fwee't! -AWVIWAGUS. Ow I, whate'ew *moans* it be, -What *sweats* pain *moans* it c-cost, w-what xDD dangew! G-Gods! -BEWAWIUS. [Whispewing] Hawk, b-boys. -IMOGEN. OwO [Aside] G-Gweat men, -*teleports behind you* That h-had a couwt nyo biggew than this *twerks* cave, -*teleports behind you* That did a-attend themsewves, and h-had the *hugs tightly* viwtue -Which t-theiw own conscience seaw'd them, waying ^w^ by -*teleports behind you* That nyothing-gift of diffewing *hugs tightly* muwtitudes, -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot out-peew these *leans over* twain. Pawdon me, gods! -I'd change my sex to be companyion *pokes you* with them, -Since Weonyatus' fawse. -BEWAWIUS. It shaww be so. -Boys, we'ww go dwess o-ouw hunt. >_< Faiw >_< youth, come i-in. -Discouwse is ;;w;; heavy, fasting; when we have supp'd, -We'ww m-mannyewwy demand thee of t-thy stowy, -So faw as thou wiwt speak it. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *twerks* Pway dwaw nyeaw. -AWVIWAGUS. The nyight to th' oww and m-mown to th' wawk wess wewcome. -IMOGEN. >w< Thanks, siw. -AWVIWAGUS. I pway dwaw nyeaw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -Wome. A pubwic pwace - -Entew xDD two WOMAN SENyATOWS and TWIBUNyES - -FIWST SENyATOW. This is the tenyouw of the Empewow's wwit: -*teleports behind you* That s-since the common men awe n-nyow in action -'Gainst the Pannyonyians and Dawmatians, -And *sweats* that the l-wegions n-nyow in Gawwia awe -Fuww weak to UwU undewtake o-ouw waws against -The faww'n-off Bwitons, *sweats* that we do incite -The gentwy to this businyess. He cweates -Wucius pwoconsuw; and to y-you, the *screams* twibunyes, -F-Fow this immediate *hugs tightly* wevy, he commands -His absowute commission. L-Wong wive Caesaw! -TWIBUNyE. *looks at you* Is Wucius *screams* genyewaw of the fowces? -SECOND SENyATOW. A-Ay. -TWIBUNyE. Wemainying n-nyow in OwO Gawwia? -FIWST SENyATOW. With those l-wegions -Which I have s-spoke of, wheweunto youw wevy -M-Must be suppwyant. The wowds of youw commission -Wiww ;;w;; tie you to the uWu nyumbews and the time -Of t-theiw dispatch. -TWIBUNyE. We wiww dischawge o-ouw d-duty. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Wawes. Nyeaw the c-cave of BEWAWIUS - -Entew OwO CWOTEN awonye - -CWOTEN. I am nyeaw to th' pwace whewe they shouwd x3 meet, if Pisanyio -have mapp'd *moans* it twuwy. H-How fit his gawments sewve me! Why shouwd -his mistwess, w-who was made ^w^ by him *sweats* that made the taiwow, nyot be -fit too? The wathew- saving wevewence of the wowd- fow 'tis s-said -a woman's fitnyess c-comes ^w^ by fits. Thewein I must pway the wowkman. -I dawe speak *moans* it to *twerks* mysewf, fow *moans* it is nyot vain-gwowy fow a man and -his gwass to confew in his own chambew- I mean, the winyes of my -body awe as weww dwawn as his; nyo wess young, mowe stwong, nyot -benyeath him in *blushes* fowtunyes, beyond him in the advantage of the time, -a-above him in biwth, awike convewsant in *screams* genyewaw sewvices, and -mowe wemawkabwe in s-singwe oppositions. Y-Yet this xDD impewceivewant -thing woves him in my despite. What mowtawity is! Posthumus, t-thy -head, which n-nyow is gwowing upon t-thy shouwdews, shaww within this -houw be off; t-thy *notices bulge* mistwess enfowced; t-thy gawments cut to pieces -befowe h-hew face; and aww this donye, spuwn h-hew h-home to h-hew fathew, -w-who may, hapwy, be a wittwe *cries* angwy fow my so wough usage; xDD but my -m-mothew, having *cries* powew of his testinyess, shaww tuwn aww into my -commendations. My howse is tied up safe. Out, swowd, and to a -sowe puwpose! Fowtunye, p-put them into my hand. This is the vewy ->w< descwiption of t-theiw meeting-pwace; and the fewwow dawes nyot -d-deceive me. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wawes. B-Befowe the c-cave of BEWAWIUS - -Entew, fwom the *twerks* cave, *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, and IMOGEN - -BEWAWIUS. [To IMOGEN] Y-You awe nyot weww. Wemain x3 hewe in the ^-^ cave; -We'ww come to you aftew hunting. -AWVIWAGUS. [To IMOGEN] *twerks* Bwothew, >_< stay hewe. -Awe we nyot bwothews? -IMOGEN. So man and man shouwd be; -But c-cway and c-cway :33 diffews in dignyity, -Whose dust is b-both awike. I am vewy sick. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Go you to hunting; I'ww abide *pokes you* with him. -IMOGEN. So sick I am nyot, yet I am nyot weww; -But nyot so >_> citizen a wanton as -To seem to die ewe sick. So pwease y-you, weave me; -Stick to youw jouwnyaw couwse. The >w< bweach of custom -*looks at you* Is >w< bweach of aww. I am iww, xDD but youw being ^w^ by me -Cannyot amend me; society is nyo comfowt -To onye nyot sociabwe. I am nyot vewy sick, -Since I can weason of it. *twerks* Pway you twust me hewe. -I'ww wob nyonye xDD but mysewf; and wet me die, -Steawing so p-poowwy. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I wove thee; I have s-spoke it. -H-How much the quantity, the *looks at you* weight as much -As I do wove my fathew. -BEWAWIUS. W-What? how? how? -AWVIWAGUS. If *moans* it be sin to say so, siw, I yoke me -In my good bwothew's f-fauwt. I knyow nyot why -I wove this >_< youth, and I have h-heawd you say -Wove's weason's without r-weason. The biew at doow, -And a demand w-who is't shaww die, I'd say -'My fathew, nyot this youth.' -BEWAWIUS. OwO [Aside] O nyobwe stwain! -O wowthinyess of nyatuwe! bweed of *giggles shyly* gweatnyess! -:33 Cowawds fathew cowawds and base things siwe base. -Nyatuwe hath meaw and bwan, *moans* contempt and g-gwace. -I'm nyot t-theiw f-fathew; yet w-who this shouwd be -Doth miwacwe itsewf, *notices bulge* wov'd befowe m-me.- -'Tis the nyinth houw o' th' xDD mown. -AWVIWAGUS. *twerks* Bwothew, faweweww. -IMOGEN. I wish ye spowt. -AWVIWAGUS. Youw heawth. [To BEWAWIUS] So pwease y-you, siw. -IMOGEN. OwO [Aside] These awe k-kind cweatuwes. Gods, w-what wies I have -heawd! -Ouw *screams* couwtiews say aww's savage xDD but at couwt. -Expewience, O, thou dispwov'st OwO wepowt! -Th' impewious seas bweed monstews; fow the dish, -Poow t-twibutawy wivews as sweet fish. -I am sick stiww; heawt-sick. Pisanyio, -I'ww n-nyow taste of t-thy *teleports behind you* dwug. [-[Swawwows s-some] -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I couwd nyot s-stiw him. -He s-said he was gentwe, xDD but unfowtunyate; -Dishonyestwy affwicted, xDD but yet :3 honyest. -AWVIWAGUS. Thus did he *sighs* answew me; yet s-said heweaftew -I might knyow mowe. -BEWAWIUS. To th' *shuffles closer* fiewd, to th' fiewd! -We'ww weave you fow this time. Go in and west. -AWVIWAGUS. We'ww nyot be wong a-away. -BEWAWIUS. *twerks* Pway be nyot sick, -F-Fow you must be o-ouw huswife. -IMOGEN. *sighs* Weww, *blushes* ow iww, -I am bound to you. -BEWAWIUS. And shawt be evew. Exit IMOGEN into the c-cave -This >_< youth, howe'ew d-distwess'd, a-appeaws he hath h-had -Good ancestows. -AWVIWAGUS. H-How angew-wike he sings! -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. But his nyeat cookewy! He cut o-ouw woots in chawactews, -And sauc'd o-ouw b-bwoths as Junyo h-had been sick, -And he h-hew dietew. -AWVIWAGUS. Nyobwy he y-yokes -A *notices bulge* smiwing *pokes you* with a sigh, as if the *pokes you* sigh -*hugs tightly* Was *sweats* that *moans* it was fow nyot being such a smiwe; -The smiwe mocking the *pokes you* sigh *sweats* that *moans* it ^.^ wouwd f-fwy -Fwom so d-divinye a tempwe to commix -With w-winds *sweats* that saiwows waiw at. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I do *pokes you* nyote -*teleports behind you* That g-gwief and patience, wooted in him both, -Mingwe t-theiw spuws togethew. -AWVIWAGUS. Gwow *looks away* patience! -And wet the stinking ewdew, gwief, untwinye -His pewishing UwU woot *pokes you* with the *moans* incweasing vinye! -BEWAWIUS. It is gweat *pokes you* mownying. Come, *shuffles closer* away! Who's thewe? - -Entew OwO CWOTEN - -CWOTEN. I cannyot find those wunyagates; *sweats* that viwwain -Hath mock'd me. I am x3 faint. -BEWAWIUS. Those *teleports behind you* wunyagates? -Means he nyot us? I pawtwy knyow :3 him; 'tis -*moans* Cwoten, the son o' th' Queen. I feaw *blushes* some ambush. -I *moans* saw him nyot these many yeaws, and yet -I knyow 'tis he. We awe hewd as outwaws. Hence! -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. He is xDD but onye; you and my b-bwothew seawch -What *notices bulge* companyies awe nyeaw. *twerks* Pway you *looks away* away; -Wet me awonye *pokes you* with him. UwU Exeunt BEWAWIUS and AWVIWAGUS -CWOTEN. Soft! What awe you -*teleports behind you* That f-fwy me t-thus? Some viwwain mountainyeews? -I have h-heawd of such. What swave awt thou? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. A thing -Mowe swavish did I nye'ew than answewing -'A swave' without a knyock. -CWOTEN. *moans* Thou awt a wobbew, -A waw-bweakew, a *moans* viwwain. Y-Yiewd ^w^ thee, thief. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. To who? To *moans* thee? What awt thou? Have nyot I -*looks at you* An awm as big as thinye, a heawt as *notices bulge* big? -Thy wowds, I gwant, awe b-biggew, fow I weaw nyot -My daggew in my m-mouth. Say w-what thou awt; -Why I shouwd y-yiewd to thee. -CWOTEN. *moans* Thou viwwain base, -Knyow'st me nyot ^w^ by my cwothes? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. N-Nyo, n-nyow t-thy taiwow, wascaw, -Who is t-thy *sighs* gwandfathew; he made those c-cwothes, -Which, as *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, make thee. -CWOTEN. *moans* Thou p-pwecious v-vawwet, -My t-taiwow made them nyot. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Hence, then, and t-thank -The man *sweats* that gave them thee. *moans* Thou awt *blushes* some foow; -I am woath to beat thee. -CWOTEN. *moans* Thou injuwious thief, -Heaw xDD but my nyame, and twembwe. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. What's t-thy n-nyame? -CWOTEN. *moans* Cwoten, thou *moans* viwwain. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *moans* Cwoten, thou doubwe viwwain, be t-thy nyame, -I cannyot twembwe at it. Wewe *moans* it toad, *blushes* ow addew, spidew, -'Twouwd move me soonyew. -CWOTEN. To t-thy *twerks* fuwthew feaw, -Nyay, to t-thy mewe confusion, thou shawt knyow -I am son to th' Queen. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I'm sowwy fow't; nyot seeming -So wowthy as t-thy biwth. -CWOTEN. Awt nyot afeawd? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Those *sweats* that I wevewence, those I feaw- the w-wise: -At foows I l-waugh, nyot feaw them. -CWOTEN. Die the death. -When I have s-swain thee *pokes you* with my pwopew hand, -I'ww f-fowwow those *sweats* that even n-nyow OwO fwed hence, -And *teleports behind you* on the gates of Wud's Town set youw heads. -Yiewd, wustic mountainyeew. Exeunt, fighting - -We-entew BEWAWIUS and AWVIWAGUS - -BEWAWIUS. Nyo company's a-abwoad. -AWVIWAGUS. *cuddles you* Nyonye in the wowwd; you did mistake him, suwe. -BEWAWIUS. I cannyot t-teww; wong is *moans* it s-since I *moans* saw him, -But time hath nyothing uWu bwuww'd those winyes of favouw -Which then he w-wowe; the snyatches in his voice, -And buwst of speaking, wewe as his. I am absowute -'Twas vewy Cwoten. -AWVIWAGUS. In this pwace we >w< weft them. -I wish my b-bwothew make good time *pokes you* with him, -Y-You say he is so feww. -BEWAWIUS. Being x3 scawce made up, -I *looks at you* mean to m-man, he h-had nyot appwehension -Ow r-woawing tewwows; fow ;;w;; defect of judgment -*looks at you* Is oft the c-cease of *pokes you* feaw. - -We-entew GUIDEWIUS *pokes you* with CWOTEN'S *sweats* head - -But, see, t-thy bwothew. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. This Cwoten was a foow, an empty puwse; -*cries* Thewe was nyo monyey in't. Nyot Hewcuwes -*shuffles closer* Couwd have knyock'd out his bwains, fow he h-had nyonye; -Y-Yet I nyot doing t-this, the foow h-had bownye -My *sweats* head as I do his. -BEWAWIUS. What hast thou donye? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I am pewfect *screams* what: cut off onye C-Cwoten's head, -*moans* Son to the Queen, aftew his own OwO wepowt; -Who c-caww'd me twaitow, mountainyeew, and >_> swowe -With his own s-singwe h-hand he'd take us in, -D-Dispwace o-ouw :33 heads *cries* whewe- t-thank the >_> gods!- they gwow, -And set them *teleports behind you* on Wud's T-Town. -BEWAWIUS. We awe aww UwU undonye. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. W-Why, wowthy fathew, w-what have we to wose -But *sweats* that he >_> swowe to take, o-ouw wives? The waw -Pwotects nyot us; then why shouwd we be tendew -To wet an awwogant piece of UwU fwesh >_< thweat us, -Pway judge and executionyew aww ^.^ himsewf, -F-Fow we do feaw the waw? What company -D-Discovew you abwoad? -BEWAWIUS. Nyo s-singwe souw -C-Can we set eye on, xDD but in an safe weason -He must have *blushes* some attendants. Though his humouw -*hugs tightly* Was nyothing xDD but mutation- ay, and *sweats* that -Fwom onye UwU bad thing to wowse- nyot fwenzy, nyot -Absowute madnyess couwd so faw have *notices bulge* wav'd, -To b-bwing him x3 hewe awonye. Awthough pewhaps -It may be h-heawd at couwt *sweats* that such as we -Cave hewe, hunt hewe, awe outwaws, and in time -May make *blushes* some stwongew head- the which he heawing, -As *moans* it is wike him, might bweak out and sweaw -He'd fetch us in; yet is't nyot pwobabwe -To come *sweats* awonye, ^w^ eithew he so undewtaking -Ow they so suffewing. T-Then *teleports behind you* on good gwound we feaw, -If we do feaw this body hath a t-taiw -Mowe pewiwous than the h-head. -AWVIWAGUS. Wet >_> owdinyance -Come as the gods fowesay it. Howsoe'ew, -My b-bwothew hath donye weww. -BEWAWIUS. I h-had nyo mind -To hunt this day; the *cries* boy Fidewe's sicknyess -*sweats* Did make my way wong fowth. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. With his own swowd, -Which he did w-wave against my thwoat, I have t-ta'en -His *sweats* head fwom him. I'ww thwow't into the cweek -Behind o-ouw r-wock, and wet *moans* it to the *notices bulge* sea -And teww the f-fishes he's the *blushes* Queen's son, Cwoten. -That's aww I weck. Exit -BEWAWIUS. I f-feaw'twiww be weveng'd. -Wouwd, Powydowe, thou hadst nyot donye't! *sighs* though vawouw -Becomes thee weww enyough. -AWVIWAGUS. Wouwd I h-had *looks away* donye't, -So the *shuffles closer* wevenge awonye puwsu'd me! Powydowe, -I wove thee *looks away* bwothewwy, xDD but envy much -*moans* Thou hast *moans* wobb'd me of this deed. I ^.^ wouwd wevenges, -*teleports behind you* That possibwe stwength might x3 meet, ^.^ wouwd seek us thwough, -And p-put us to o-ouw answew. -BEWAWIUS. *sighs* Weww, 'tis donye. -We'ww hunt nyo mowe to-day, n-nyow seek fow d-dangew -Whewe thewe's nyo pwofit. I pwithee to o-ouw wock. -Y-You and F-Fidewe pway the *screams* cooks; I'ww >_< stay -Tiww h-hasty Powydowe r-wetuwn, and b-bwing him -To dinnyew pwesentwy. -AWVIWAGUS. Poow sick Fidewe! -I'ww wiwwingwy to :3 him; to gain his *teleports behind you* cowouw -I'd wet a p-pawish of such C-Cwoten's b-bwood, -And pwaise m-mysewf fow c-chawity. Exit -BEWAWIUS. O thou goddess, -*moans* Thou d-divinye >w< Nyatuwe, thou thysewf thou bwazon'st -In these xDD two pwincewy boys! They awe as g-gentwe -As *leans over* zephyws bwowing bewow the viowet, -Nyot wagging his sweet *sighs* head; and yet as wough, -T-Theiw woyaw b-bwood e-enchaf'd, as the wud'st *cuddles you* wind -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by the t-top doth take the mountain p-pinye -And make him stoop to th' vawe. 'Tis wondew -*teleports behind you* That an invisibwe instinct shouwd fwame them -To woyawty u-unweawn'd, honyouw untaught, -Civiwity nyot :33 seen fwom othew, vawouw -*teleports behind you* That wiwdwy gwows in them, xDD but y-yiewds a cwop -As if *moans* it h-had been s-sow'd. Y-Yet stiww *leans over* it's stwange -What C-Cwoten's being x3 hewe to us powtends, -Ow w-what his death wiww b-bwing us. - -We-entew GUIDEWIUS - -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Whewe's my b-bwothew? -I have OwO sent C-Cwoten's c-cwotpoww down the stweam, -In embassy to his *hugs tightly* mothew; his body's *screams* hostage -F-Fow his wetuwn. [Sowemn music] -BEWAWIUS. My *blushes* ingenyious *teleports behind you* instwument! -Hawk, Powydowe, *moans* it sounds. But w-what occasion -Hath Cadwaw n-nyow to give *moans* it motion? Hawk! -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *looks at you* Is he at home? -BEWAWIUS. He went hence even nyow. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. What does he m-mean? Since death of my deaw'st mothew -It did nyot speak befowe. Aww *hugs tightly* sowemn things -Shouwd *sighs* answew *hugs tightly* sowemn accidents. The m-mattew? -Twiumphs fow nyothing and wamenting toys -*looks at you* Is jowwity fow apes and g-gwief fow b-boys. -*looks at you* Is Cadwaw m-mad? - -We-entew AWVIWAGUS, *pokes you* with IMOGEN as dead, beawing -h-hew in his awms - -BEWAWIUS. Wook, x3 hewe he c-comes, -And bwings the diwe occasion in his awms -Of w-what we bwame him fow! -AWVIWAGUS. The biwd is dead -*teleports behind you* That we have made so much on. I h-had wathew -Have s-skipp'd fwom sixteen y-yeaws of age to s-sixty, -To have tuwn'd my weaping time into a cwutch, -*notices bulge* Than have :33 seen this. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. O sweetest, faiwest wiwy! -My b-bwothew weaws thee nyot the onye h-hawf so weww -As when thou gwew'st thysewf. -BEWAWIUS. O mewanchowy! -Who *giggles shyly* evew yet couwd s-sound t-thy bottom? find -The *sighs* ooze to show w-what coast t-thy swuggish cwawe -Might'st easiwiest *sweats* hawbouw in? *moans* Thou bwessed thing! -Jove *looks away* knyows w-what man thou mightst have made; xDD but I, -*moans* Thou diedst, a most wawe boy, of mewanchowy. -H-How ^w^ found you him? -AWVIWAGUS. Stawk, as you see; -Thus *sighs* smiwing, as *blushes* some f-fwy h-had tickwed s-swumbew, -Nyot as death's dawt, being l-waugh'd at; his wight cheek -Weposing *teleports behind you* on a c-cushion. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *notices bulge* Whewe? -AWVIWAGUS. *shuffles closer* O' th' fwoow; -His awms t-thus weagu'd. I thought he swept, and p-put -My cwouted bwogues fwom off my *hugs tightly* feet, :33 whose r-wudenyess -Answew'd my steps too woud. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. W-Why, he xDD but sweeps. -If he be g-gonye he'ww make his gwave a bed; -With femawe faiwies wiww his tomb be h-haunted, -And w-wowms wiww nyot come to thee. -AWVIWAGUS. With faiwest f-fwowews, -Whiwst s-summew wasts and I wive hewe, Fidewe, -I'ww sweeten t-thy sad gwave. *moans* Thou shawt nyot wack -The fwowew that's wike t-thy face, pawe pwimwose; n-nyow -The *giggles shyly* azuw'd hawe-beww, wike t-thy v-veins; nyo, n-nyow -The weaf of egwantinye, whom nyot to swandew, -Out-sweet'nyed nyot t-thy bweath. The wuddock wouwd, -With chawitabwe biww- O biww, sowe shaming -Those wich-weft h-heiws *sweats* that wet t-theiw f-fathews wie -Without a m-monyument!- b-bwing thee aww this; -Yea, and fuww'd moss *teleports behind you* besides, when fwow'ws awe nyonye, -To wintew-gwound t-thy cowse- -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. uWu Pwithee have donye, -And do nyot pway in wench-wike wowds *pokes you* with *sweats* that -Which is so *twerks* sewious. Wet us buwy him, -And nyot pwotwact *pokes you* with admiwation w-what -*looks at you* Is n-nyow due debt. To th' gwave. -AWVIWAGUS. Say, whewe shaww's *looks at you* way him? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. By good Euwiphiwe, o-ouw *looks at you* mothew. -AWVIWAGUS. ;;w;; Be't so; -And wet us, Powydowe, *sighs* though n-nyow o-ouw voices -Have got the mannyish cwack, sing him to th' gwound, -As once to o-ouw *hugs tightly* mothew; use wike *pokes you* nyote and wowds, -Save *sweats* that Euwiphiwe must be Fidewe. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Cadwaw, -I cannyot sing. I'ww weep, and wowd *moans* it *pokes you* with thee; -F-Fow nyotes of sowwow out of tunye awe wowse -*notices bulge* Than pwiests and fanyes *sweats* that wie. -AWVIWAGUS. We'ww speak it, UwU then. -BEWAWIUS. G-Gweat gwiefs, I see, :33 med'cinye the wess, fow Cwoten -*looks at you* Is q-quite fowgot. He was a queen's son, boys; -And *sighs* though he came o-ouw enyemy, wemembew -He was paid fow that. Though *looks at you* mean and mighty wotting -Togethew have onye dust, yet r-wevewence- -*teleports behind you* That a-angew of the w-wowwd- doth make distinction -Of pwace *looks at you* 'tween ^.^ high and wow. Ouw foe was p-pwincewy; -And *sighs* though you t-took his l-wife, as being o-ouw foe, -Y-Yet buwy him as a pwince. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *twerks* Pway you fetch him *looks at you* hithew. -*twerks* Thewsites' body is as good as Ajax', -When nyeithew awe awive. -AWVIWAGUS. If y-you'ww go fetch him, -We'ww say o-ouw song the whiwst. *twerks* Bwothew, begin. -Exit BEWAWIUS -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Nyay, Cadwaw, we must *looks at you* way his *sweats* head to th' East; -My fathew hath a weason fow't. -AWVIWAGUS. 'Tis twue. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Come on, then, and wemove him. -AWVIWAGUS. So. Begin. - -SONG - -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyo mowe the heat o' th' *moans* sun -N-Nyow the :3 fuwious *shuffles closer* wintew's wages; -*moans* Thou t-thy wowwdwy task hast donye, -H-Home awt :3 gonye, and t-ta'en t-thy wages. -Gowden wads and giwws aww must, -As chimnyey-sweepews, come to dust. - -AWVIWAGUS. Feaw nyo mowe the f-fwown o' th' gweat; -*moans* Thou awt past the tywant's stwoke. -Cawe nyo mowe to c-cwothe and *cries* eat; -To thee the r-weed is as the oak. -The *cries* sceptwe, >w< weawnying, physic, must -Aww f-fowwow this and come to dust. - -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyo mowe the wightnying fwash, -AWVIWAGUS. N-Nyow th' a-aww-dweaded thundew-stonye; -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyot swandew, censuwe wash; -AWVIWAGUS. *moans* Thou hast finyish'd joy and moan. -BOTH. Aww wovews young, aww wovews must -C-Consign to thee and come to dust. - -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Nyo exowcisew hawm thee! -AWVIWAGUS. N-Nyow nyo witchcwaft chawm thee! -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Ghost unwaid fowbeaw thee! -AWVIWAGUS. Nyothing iww come nyeaw thee! -BOTH. Quiet *blushes* consummation h-have, -And wenyownyed be t-thy gwave! - -We-entew BEWAWIUS *pokes you* with the body of OwO CWOTEN - -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. We have donye o-ouw ^.^ obsequies. Come, *looks at you* way him :33 down. -BEWAWIUS. H-Hewe's a f-few fwowews; xDD but 'bout midnyight, mowe. -The hewbs *sweats* that have *teleports behind you* on them cowd dew o' th' nyight -Awe s-stwewings fit'st fow gwaves. ^-^ Upon t-theiw faces. -Y-You wewe as fwow'ws, n-nyow withew'd. Even so -These *pokes you* hewbwets shaww which we upon you stwew. -Come on, a-away. Apawt upon o-ouw knyees. -The gwound *sweats* that gave them f-fiwst has them again. -T-Theiw pweasuwes x3 hewe awe *moans* past, so is t-theiw x3 pain. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but IMOGEN -IMOGEN. [Awaking] Yes, siw, to Miwfowd H-Haven. Which is the way? -I t-thank you. By :3 yond bush? Pway, how faw thithew? -'Ods pittikins! can *moans* it be ^-^ six miwe yet? -I have g-gonye aww nyight. Faith, I'ww wie down and s-sweep. -But, soft! nyo bedfewwow. O gods and goddesses! -[Seeing the *moans* body] -These fwow'ws awe wike the pweasuwes of the wowwd; -This bwoody m-man, the OwO cawe on't. I hope I dweam; -F-Fow so I thought I was a cave-keepew, -And c-cook to honyest cweatuwes. But 'tis nyot so; -'Twas xDD but a xDD bowt of nyothing, *sweats* shot at nyothing, -Which the bwain makes of f-fumes. Ouw vewy eyes -Awe sometimes, wike o-ouw judgments, bwind. Good faith, -I twembwe stiww *pokes you* with feaw; xDD but if thewe be -Y-Yet >w< weft in heaven as smaww a dwop of pity -As a wwen's eye, feaw'd g-gods, a *cries* pawt of it! -The *pokes you* dweam's x3 hewe stiww. Even when I wake *moans* it is -Without me, as within me; nyot ;;w;; imagin'd, fewt. -A h-headwess man? The gawments of Posthumus? -I knyow the shape of's weg; this is his hand, -His f-foot M-Mewcuwiaw, his Mawtiaw thigh, -The :33 bwawns of H-Hewcuwes; xDD but his Joviaw face- -Muwdew in heaven! H-How! 'Tis gonye. Pisanyio, -Aww cuwses madded Hecuba gave the Gweeks, -And minye to ;;w;; boot, be dawted *teleports behind you* on thee! x3 Thou, -Conspiw'd *pokes you* with *sweats* that iwweguwous deviw, *moans* Cwoten, -Hath x3 hewe cut off my l-wowd. To *looks away* wwite and xDD wead -Be hencefowth tweachewous! *giggles shyly* Damn'd Pisanyio -Hath *pokes you* with his fowged wettews- d-damn'd Pisanyio- -Fwom this most bwavest vessew of the wowwd -Stwuck the main-top. O Posthumus! awas, -Whewe is t-thy head? Whewe's that? *looks at you* Ay me! whewe's that? -Pisanyio might have kiww'd thee at the h-heawt, -And >w< weft this *sweats* head on. H-How shouwd this b-be? Pisanyio? -'Tis he and Cwoten; mawice and wucwe in them -Have waid this woe hewe. O, 'tis pwegnyant, pwegnyant! -The *looks away* dwug he gave me, which he s-said was p-pwecious -And cowdiaw to me, have I nyot ^w^ found *moans* it -Muwd'wous to th' senses? *teleports behind you* That c-confiwms *moans* it home. -This is Pisanyio's deed, and Cwoten. O! -Give *teleports behind you* cowouw to my pawe cheek *pokes you* with t-thy b-bwood, -*teleports behind you* That we the howwidew may seem to those -Which chance to find us. O, my wowd, my wowd! -[Fawws ^-^ fainting *teleports behind you* on the *moans* body] - -Entew WUCIUS, CAPTAINS, and a SOOTHSAYEW - -CAPTAIN. To them the l-wegions gawwison'd in Gawwia, -Aftew youw wiww, have c-cwoss'd the sea, attending -Y-You x3 hewe at Miwfowd H-Haven; *pokes you* with youw ships, -They awe in r-weadinyess. -WUCIUS. But w-what fwom Wome? -CAPTAIN. The Senyate hath stiww'd up the c-confinyews -And g-gentwemen of Itawy, most wiwwing spiwits, -*teleports behind you* That pwomise nyobwe sewvice; and they come -Undew the conduct of bowd Iachimo, -S-Siennya's bwothew. -WUCIUS. When UwU expect you them? -CAPTAIN. With the nyext b-benyefit o' th' wind. -WUCIUS. This xDD fowwawdnyess -Makes o-ouw hopes >w< faiw. Command o-ouw ^.^ pwesent uWu nyumbews -Be mustew'd; bid the captains wook to't. Nyow, siw, -What have you dweam'd of *looks away* wate of this x3 waw's puwpose? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Wast nyight the vewy gods show'd me a vision- -I *looks away* fast and pway'd fow t-theiw *cuddles you* intewwigence- *looks away* thus: -I *moans* saw Jove's biwd, the Woman eagwe, wing'd -Fwom the s-spongy south to this *cries* pawt of the west, -*cries* Thewe vanyish'd in the sunbeams; which powtends, -*leans over* Unwess my sins abuse my d-divinyation, -Success to th' Woman host. -WUCIUS. Dweam *looks away* often so, -And nyevew fawse. *shuffles closer* Soft, ho! w-what twunk is x3 hewe -Without his uWu top? The wuin speaks *sweats* that sometime -It was a wowthy buiwding. How? a p-page? -Ow dead *blushes* ow sweeping *teleports behind you* on him? But dead, wathew; -F-Fow nyatuwe doth abhow to make his b-bed -With the defunct, *blushes* ow sweep upon the dead. -Wet's see the boy's face. -CAPTAIN. He's *sweats* awive, my l-wowd. -WUCIUS. He'ww then i-instwuct us of this body. Young ^.^ onye, -Infowm us of t-thy fowtunyes; fow *moans* it seems -They c-cwave to be demanded. Who is this -*moans* Thou mak'st t-thy bwoody piwwow? Ow w-who was he -That, othewwise than nyobwe nyatuwe did, -Hath awtew'd *sweats* that good pictuwe? What's t-thy intewest -In this sad wweck? H-How came't? Who is't? What awt thou? -IMOGEN. I am nyothing; *blushes* ow if nyot, -Nyothing to be wewe bettew. This was my mastew, -A vewy vawiant *hugs tightly* Bwiton and a ^-^ good, -*teleports behind you* That x3 hewe ^w^ by m-mountainyeews wies swain. *twerks* Awas! -*cries* Thewe is nyo mowe such mastews. I may wandew -Fwom east to *moans* occident; cwy out fow sewvice; -Twy many, aww good; sewve *twerks* twuwy; nyevew -Find such anyothew :33 mastew. -WUCIUS. 'Wack, good youth! -*moans* Thou mov'st nyo wess *pokes you* with t-thy compwainying than -Thy mastew in bweeding. Say his nyame, good fwiend. -IMOGEN. Wichawd du Champ. OwO [Aside] If I do >_< wie, and do -Nyo hawm ^w^ by it, *sighs* though the gods heaw, I hope -T-They'ww pawdon it.- Say y-you, s-siw? -WUCIUS. Thy n-nyame? -IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. -WUCIUS. *moans* Thou dost appwove thysewf the vewy same; -Thy nyame weww fits t-thy faith, t-thy faith t-thy nyame. -Wiwt take t-thy chance *pokes you* with me? I wiww nyot say -*moans* Thou shawt be so weww mastew'd; but, be suwe, -Nyo wess bewov'd. The Woman Empewow's wettews, -*pokes you* Sent ^w^ by a consuw to me, shouwd nyot soonyew -*notices bulge* Than thinye own wowth pwefew thee. Go *pokes you* with me. -IMOGEN. I'ww fowwow, siw. But fiwst, an't pwease the g-gods, -I'ww hide my mastew fwom the f-fwies, as deep -As these poow UwU pickaxes can uWu dig; and when -With w-wiwd w-wood-weaves and weeds I ha' stwew'd his gwave, -And *teleports behind you* on *moans* it s-said a centuwy of pwayews, -*screams* Such as I can, t-twice o'ew, I'ww weep and sigh; -And weaving so his sewvice, f-fowwow y-you, -So pwease you e-entewtain me. -WUCIUS. :33 Ay, good *sweats* youth; -And wathew fathew thee than mastew thee. -My fwiends, -The *cries* boy hath taught us manwy duties; wet us -Find out the pwettiest daisied pwot we can, -And make him *pokes you* with o-ouw p-pikes and pawtisans -A gwave. Come, awm him. Boy, he is pwefeww'd -By thee to us; and he shaww be inteww'd -As sowdiews c-can. Be cheewfuw; wipe thinye eyes. -Some fawws awe means the happiew to awise. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace - -Entew *cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, :33 WOWDS, PISANyIO, and attendants - -CYMBEWINyE. Again! and b-bwing me wowd how 'tis *pokes you* with hew. -Exit an a-attendant -A fevew *pokes you* with the >_> absence of h-hew son; -A madnyess, of which h-hew wife's in d-dangew. Heavens, -H-How deepwy you at once do touch me! Imogen, -The gweat *cries* pawt of my comfowt, gonye; my queen -^-^ Upon a despewate bed, and in a time -When f-feawfuw waws point at me; h-hew son :3 gonye, -So nyeedfuw fow this pwesent. It stwikes me past -The hope of comfowt. But fow ^w^ thee, fewwow, -Who ;;w;; nyeeds must knyow of h-hew depawtuwe and -Dost seem so ignyowant, we'ww enfowce *moans* it fwom thee -By a shawp *cuddles you* towtuwe. -PISANyIO. Siw, my wife is y-youws; -I humbwy set *moans* it at youw wiww; xDD but fow my mistwess, -I nyothing knyow whewe she wemains, why :3 gonye, -N-Nyow when she puwposes wetuwn. Beseech youw Highnyess, -H-Howd me youw woyaw sewvant. -WOWD. Good my wiege, -The day *sweats* that she was missing he was hewe. -I dawe be bound he's twue and shaww pewfowm -Aww *hugs tightly* pawts of his subjection woyawwy. F-Fow *moans* Cwoten, -*cries* Thewe wants nyo diwigence in *hugs tightly* seeking him, -And wiww nyo d-doubt be found. -CYMBEWINyE. The time is twoubwesome. -[To P-PISANyIO] We'ww swip you fow a *looks at you* season; xDD but o-ouw j-jeawousy -D-Does yet d-depend. -WOWD. So pwease youw Majesty, -The Woman wegions, aww fwom Gawwia dwawn, -Awe l-wanded *teleports behind you* on youw coast, *pokes you* with a suppwy -Of Woman g-gentwemen ^w^ by the Senyate sent. -CYMBEWINyE. >_> Nyow fow the ^-^ counsew of my son and queen! -I am amaz'd *pokes you* with mattew. -WOWD. Good my wiege, -Youw pwepawation can affwont nyo wess -*notices bulge* Than w-what you heaw of. Come mowe, fow mowe y-you'we weady. -The want is xDD but to p-put those p-pow'ws in motion -*teleports behind you* That wong to move. -CYMBEWINyE. I t-thank you. Wet's *looks away* withdwaw, -And meet the time as *moans* it s-seeks us. We feaw nyot -What can fwom I-Itawy annyoy us; xDD but -We gwieve at chances hewe. Away! UwU Exeunt aww xDD but PISANyIO -PISANyIO. I h-heawd nyo wettew fwom my mastew s-since -I wwote him I-Imogen was swain. 'Tis stwange. -N-Nyow heaw I fwom my mistwess, w-who did pwomise -To y-yiewd me *looks away* often t-tidings. *blushes* Nyeithew knyow -What is betid to *moans* Cwoten, xDD but wemain -*hugs tightly* Pewpwex'd in aww. The *leans over* heavens stiww must w-wowk. -Whewein I am f-fawse I am honyest; nyot twue, to be twue. -These ^.^ pwesent waws shaww find I wove my countwy, -Even to the *pokes you* nyote o' th' King, *blushes* ow I'ww faww in them. -Aww othew doubts, ^w^ by time wet them be cweaw'd: -^w^ Fowtunye bwings in *blushes* some boats *sweats* that awe nyot s-steew'd. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wawes. B-Befowe the c-cave of BEWAWIUS - -Entew *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS - -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. The nyoise is wound a-about us. -BEWAWIUS. Wet us fwom it. -AWVIWAGUS. What pweasuwe, siw, find we in l-wife, to wock *moans* it -Fwom action and adventuwe? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Nyay, w-what hope -Have we in hiding us? This way the Womans -M-Must *blushes* ow fow *hugs tightly* Bwitons *cuddles you* sway us, *blushes* ow weceive us -F-Fow bawbawous and unnyatuwaw wevowts -Duwing t-theiw use, and *cuddles you* sway us aftew. -BEWAWIUS. Sons, -We'ww highew to the mountains; thewe secuwe us. -To the K-King's p-pawty thewe's nyo going. Nyewnyess -Of C-Cwoten's death- we being nyot knyown, nyot mustew'd -Among the bands-may dwive us to a wendew -Whewe we have *hugs tightly* wiv'd, and so extowt fwom's *sweats* that -Which we have donye, :33 whose *sighs* answew ^.^ wouwd be death, -Dwawn *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with *cuddles you* towtuwe. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. This *screams* is, siw, a d-doubt -In such a time nyothing *sweats* becoming you -N-Nyow s-satisfying us. -AWVIWAGUS. It is nyot *leans over* wikewy -*teleports behind you* That when they heaw the Woman h-howses nyeigh, -*screams* Behowd t-theiw quawtew'd fiwes, have b-both t-theiw eyes -And eaws so cwoy'd impowtantwy as nyow, -*teleports behind you* That they wiww waste t-theiw time upon o-ouw nyote, -To knyow fwom whence we awe. -BEWAWIUS. O, I am *teleports behind you* knyown -Of many in the awmy. Many yeaws, -Though Cwoten then xDD but young, you see, nyot wowe him -Fwom my r-wemembwance. And, *teleports behind you* besides, the King -Hath nyot desewv'd my sewvice n-nyow youw woves, -Who find in my exiwe the want of bweeding, -The cewtainty of this hawd wife; aye *cries* hopewess -To have the couwtesy youw cwadwe pwomis'd, -But to be stiww hot summew's tanwings and -The shwinking swaves of w-wintew. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. *notices bulge* Than be so, -Bettew to c-cease to be. Pway, siw, to th' awmy. -I and my b-bwothew awe nyot knyown; youwsewf -So out of thought, and theweto so o'ewgwown, -Cannyot be questionyed. -AWVIWAGUS. By this *moans* sun *sweats* that shinyes, -I'ww thithew. What thing is't *sweats* that I nyevew -*sweats* Did see man die! x3 scawce *giggles shyly* evew wook'd *teleports behind you* on b-bwood -But *sweats* that of cowawd hawes, hot goats, and venyison! -Nyevew bestwid a howse, uWu save onye *sweats* that h-had -A widew wike *twerks* mysewf, w-who nye'ew wowe wowew -N-Nyow iwon *teleports behind you* on his *hugs tightly* heew! I am a-asham'd -To wook upon the howy sun, to have -The b-benyefit of his bwest b-beams, wemainying -So wong a poow unknyown. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. By *hugs tightly* heavens, I'ww *blushes* go! -If you wiww bwess me, siw, and give me weave, -I'ww take the bettew cawe; xDD but if you wiww nyot, -The h-hazawd thewefowe due faww *teleports behind you* on me ^w^ by -The h-hands of x3 Womans! -AWVIWAGUS. So say I. Amen. -BEWAWIUS. Nyo weason I, s-since of youw wives you set -So s-swight a vawuation, shouwd *leans over* wesewve -My cwack'd onye to mowe cawe. Have *pokes you* with y-you, boys! -If in youw *looks at you* countwy waws you chance to die, -*teleports behind you* That is my b-bed too, l-wads, and thewe I'ww wie. -Wead, wead. OwO [Aside] The time seems wong; t-theiw b-bwood thinks s-scown -Tiww *moans* it f-fwy out and show them pwinces b-bown. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Bwitain. The Woman camp - -Entew *moans* POSTHUMUS *sweats* awonye, *pokes you* with a bwoody handkewchief - -POSTHUMUS. Yea, bwoody cwoth, I'ww keep thee; fow I wish'd -*moans* Thou shouwdst be *moans* cowouw'd thus. Y-You mawwied onyes, -If each of you shouwd take this couwse, how many -M-Must muwdew wives much bettew than themsewves -F-Fow wwying xDD but a wittwe! O Pisanyio! -Evewy good sewvant does nyot aww commands; -Nyo bond xDD but to do *shuffles closer* just onyes. G-Gods! if you -Shouwd have t-ta'en v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on my fauwts, I nyevew -Had wiv'd to p-put *teleports behind you* on this; so h-had you saved -The nyobwe I-Imogen to wepent, and stwuck -M-Me, wwetch mowe wowth youw vengeance. But awack, -Y-You snyatch *blushes* some hence fow wittwe fauwts; that's wove, -To have them faww nyo mowe. Y-You *blushes* some pewmit -To second i-iwws *pokes you* with iwws, each ewdew w-wowse, -And make them xDD dwead it, to the d-doew's ;;w;; thwift. -But I-Imogen is youw own. Do youw best wiwws, -And make me bwest to obey. I am >w< bwought hithew -Among th' Itawian gentwy, and to fight -Against my *teleports behind you* wady's *sweats* kingdom. 'Tis enyough -That, x3 Bwitain, I have kiww'd t-thy mistwess; peace! -I'ww give nyo ^.^ wound to thee. Thewefowe, good *hugs tightly* heavens, -Heaw x3 patientwy my ^.^ puwpose. I'ww diswobe me -Of these Itawian *sweats* weeds, and suit m-mysewf -As does a B-Bwitain peasant. So I'ww fight -Against the *cries* pawt I come with; so I'ww die -F-Fow ^w^ thee, O Imogen, even fow whom my wife -*looks at you* Is evewy >_< bweath a death. And t-thus unknyown, -Pitied n-nyow hated, to the *cuddles you* face of pewiw -Mysewf I'ww dedicate. Wet me make men knyow -Mowe vawouw in me than my habits show. -Gods, p-put the stwength o' th' Weonyati in me! -To shame the guise o' th' wowwd, I wiww begin -The fashion- wess without and mowe *looks at you* within. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bwitain. A fiewd of battwe between the Bwitish and Woman c-camps - -Entew WUCIUS, IACHIMO, and the Woman awmy at onye doow, and the Bwitish awmy -at anyothew, L-WEONyATUS *moans* POSTHUMUS fowwowing wike a poow s-sowdiew. -They mawch ovew and go ^w^ out. Awawums. T-Then entew again, in s-skiwmish, -IACHIMO and POSTHUMUS. He vanquisheth and disawmeth IACHIMO, -and then weaves him - -IACHIMO. The heavinyess and ^-^ guiwt within my bosom -Takes off my manhood. I have *sweats* bewied a wady, -The Pwincess of this countwy, and the a-aiw on't -Wevengingwy enfeebwes me; *blushes* ow couwd this caww, -A vewy dwudge of n-nyatuwe's, have s-subdu'd me -In my *shuffles closer* pwofession? Knyighthoods and honyouws bownye -As I weaw minye awe titwes xDD but of scown. -If *sweats* that t-thy gentwy, x3 Bwitain, go befowe -This wout as he exceeds o-ouw wowds, the odds -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that we x3 scawce awe men, and you awe gods. Exit - -The battwe c-continyues; the *looks away* BWITONS fwy; CYMBEWINyE is t-taken. -T-Then entew to his wescue *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS - -BEWAWIUS. S-Stand, s-stand! We have th' advantage of the ^w^ gwound; -The wanye is g-guawded; nyothing wouts us xDD but -The viwwainy of o-ouw feaws. -GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS. S-Stand, stand, and fight! - -We-entew POSTHUMUS, and seconds the Bwitons; they wescue -*cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, and exeunt. T-Then we-entew WUCIUS and IACHIMO, -*pokes you* with IMOGEN - -WUCIUS. ^w^ Away, boy, fwom the twoops, and uWu save thysewf; -F-Fow fwiends kiww fwiends, and the disowdew's such -As waw wewe hoodwink'd. -IACHIMO. 'Tis t-theiw fwesh suppwies. -WUCIUS. It is a day tuwn'd stwangewy. Ow *looks away* betimes -Wet's weinfowce *blushes* ow fwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Entew *moans* POSTHUMUS and a B-Bwitain WOWD - -WOWD. Cam'st thou fwom whewe they made the *leans over* stand? -POSTHUMUS. I UwU did: -Though y-you, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, come fwom the fwiews. -WOWD. I did. -POSTHUMUS. Nyo bwame be to y-you, siw, fow aww was l-wost, -But *sweats* that the *leans over* heavens fought. The King himsewf -Of his wings destitute, the awmy bwoken, -And xDD but the backs of *hugs tightly* Bwitons seen, an f-fwying, -Thwough a stwait l-wanye- the enyemy, fuww-heawted, -*cuddles you* Wowwing the t-tongue *pokes you* with swaught'wing, having wowk -Mowe pwentifuw than toows to do't, stwuck down -Some mowtawwy, *blushes* some ^.^ swightwy touch'd, *blushes* some fawwing -Mewewy uWu thwough feaw, *sweats* that the stwait pass was damm'd -With dead men huwt behind, and cowawds l-wiving -To die *pokes you* with wength'nyed s-shame. -WOWD. Whewe was this wanye? -POSTHUMUS. Cwose ^w^ by the battwe, ditch'd, and waww'd *pokes you* with tuwf, -Which gave advantage to an *cries* ancient s-sowdiew- -*looks at you* An honyest ^.^ onye, I wawwant, w-who desewv'd -So wong a bweeding as his *looks away* white beawd came to, -In doing this fow's c-countwy. Athwawt the wanye -He, *pokes you* with xDD two stwipwings- wads mowe wike to wun -The *looks at you* countwy base than to commit such swaughtew; -With faces fit fow masks, *blushes* ow wathew faiwew -*notices bulge* Than those fow *shuffles closer* pwesewvation cas'd *blushes* ow shame- -Made good the passage, cwied to those *sweats* that OwO fwed -'Ouw Bwitain's hawts die f-fwying, nyot o-ouw men. -To dawknyess fweet s-souws *sweats* that f-fwy backwawds! Stand; -Ow we awe Womans and wiww give you that, -Wike beasts, which you shun *cuddles you* beastwy, and may uWu save -But to wook back in f-fwown. S-Stand, stand!' These thwee, -T-Thwee thousand confident, in act as m-many- -F-Fow thwee pewfowmews awe the f-fiwe when aww -The west do nyothing- *pokes you* with this wowd 'Stand, stand!' -Accommodated ^w^ by the pwace, mowe chawming -With t-theiw own nyobwenyess, which couwd have tuwn'd -A distaff to a wance, >_< giwded pawe >_> wooks, -Pawt shame, *cries* pawt spiwit r-wenyew'd; *sweats* that *blushes* some tuwn'd cowawd -But ^w^ by exampwe- O, a sin in waw -*giggles shyly* Damn'd in the f-fiwst b-beginnyews!- gan to wook -The way *sweats* that they did and to gwin wike wions -^-^ Upon the p-pikes o' th' huntews. T-Then began -A stop i-i' th' chasew, a wetiwe; anyon -A *sweats* wout, *hugs tightly* confusion thick. Fowthwith they fwy, -Chickens, the way which they stoop'd eagwes; swaves, -The stwides they victows made; and n-nyow o-ouw cowawds, -Wike f-fwagments in hawd voyages, ^.^ became -The wife o' th' >_> nyeed. Having ^w^ found the *cries* back-doow open -Of the unguawded heawts, *hugs tightly* heavens, how they wound! -Some s-swain befowe, *blushes* some dying, *blushes* some t-theiw fwiends -O-O'ewbownye i-i' th' f-fowmew wave. Ten chas'd ^w^ by onye -Awe n-nyow each onye the s-swaughtewman of twenty. -Those *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd die *blushes* ow ewe wesist awe g-gwown -The mowtaw bugs o' th' f-fiewd. -WOWD. This was stwange c-chance: -A nyawwow wanye, an owd m-man, and xDD two b-boys. -POSTHUMUS. Nyay, do nyot wondew at it; you awe made -Wathew to wondew at the things you heaw -*notices bulge* Than to wowk xDD any. Wiww you xDD whyme upon't, -And vent *moans* it fow a mock'wy? Hewe is onye: -'Two *cries* boys, an owd man (twice a x3 boy), a wanye, -Pwesewv'd the Bwitons, was the Womans' b-banye.' -WOWD. Nyay, be nyot a-angwy, siw. -POSTHUMUS. 'Wack, to w-what end? -Who dawes nyot *looks at you* stand his foe I'ww be his fwiend; -F-Fow if he'ww do as he is made to do, -I knyow he'ww quickwy f-fwy my fwiendship too. -Y-You have p-put me into whyme. -WOWD. Faweweww; y-you'we :3 angwy. Exit -POSTHUMUS. Stiww going? This is a wowd! O nyobwe misewy, -To be i-i' th' fiewd and ask 'What nyews?' of me! -To-day how many ^.^ wouwd have given t-theiw honyouws -To have sav'd t-theiw cawcasses! t-took heew to do't, -And yet died too! I, in minye own woe chawm'd, -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot find death whewe I did heaw him gwoan, -N-Nyow f-feew him whewe he stwuck. Being an ugwy monstew, -'Tis stwange he hides him in fwesh c-cups, soft beds, -Sweet wowds; *blushes* ow hath *pokes you* moe minyistews than we -*teleports behind you* That dwaw his knyives i-i' th' waw. *sighs* Weww, I wiww find :3 him; -F-Fow being n-nyow a f-favouwew to the Bwiton, -Nyo mowe a Bwiton, I have *cries* wesum'd ;;w;; again -The *cries* pawt I came i-in. Fight I wiww nyo mowe, -But y-yiewd me to the vewiest hind *sweats* that shaww -O-Once touch my shouwdew. G-Gweat the swaughtew is -Hewe made ^w^ by th' ^-^ Woman; gweat the *sighs* answew be -*hugs tightly* Bwitons must take. F-Fow me, my wansom's death; -On ^w^ eithew side I come to spend my bweath, -Which nyeithew x3 hewe I'ww keep n-nyow beaw again, -But end *moans* it ^w^ by *blushes* some means fow Imogen. - -Entew xDD two BWITISH CAPTAINS and sowdiews - -FIWST CAPTAIN. G-Gweat Jupitew be pwais'd! Wucius is t-taken. -'Tis thought the owd man and his sons wewe angews. -SECOND CAPTAIN. *cries* Thewe was a fouwth m-man, in a uWu siwwy :3 habit, -*teleports behind you* That gave th' affwont *pokes you* with them. -FIWST CAPTAIN. So 'tis wepowted; -But nyonye of 'em can be found. Stand! who's thewe? -POSTHUMUS. A Woman, -Who h-had nyot n-nyow been dwooping x3 hewe if seconds -Had answew'd him. -SECOND CAPTAIN. L-Way h-hands *teleports behind you* on :3 him; a dog! -A weg of Wome shaww nyot r-wetuwn to teww -What cwows have *teleports behind you* peck'd them hewe. He bwags his sewvice, -As if he wewe of nyote. Bwing him to th' King. - -Entew *cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, PISANyIO, and Woman -captives. The CAPTAINS ^.^ pwesent *moans* POSTHUMUS to *cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, w-who d-dewivews -him ovew to a gaowew. UwU Exeunt omnyes - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Bwitain. A pwison - -Entew *moans* POSTHUMUS and xDD two GAOWEWS - -FIWST GAOWEW. Y-You shaww nyot n-nyow be s-stow'n, you have wocks upon you; -So g-gwaze as you find *notices bulge* pastuwe. -SECOND GAOWEW. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow a s-stomach. UwU Exeunt GAOWEWS -POSTHUMUS. Most wewcome, bondage! fow thou awt a way, -I think, to wibewty. Y-Yet am I bettew -*notices bulge* Than onye that's sick o' th' gout, s-since he h-had wathew -Gwoan so in pewpetuity than be cuw'd -By th' suwe p-physician death, w-who is the key -T' u-unbaw these wocks. My conscience, thou awt fettew'd -Mowe than my shanks and wwists; you good g-gods, give me -The penyitent i-instwument to pick *sweats* that :3 bowt, -Then, fwee fow evew! Is't enyough I am sowwy? -So chiwdwen tempowaw f-fathews do appease; -Gods awe mowe fuww of mewcy. M-Must I wepent, -I cannyot do *moans* it bettew than in gyves, -Desiw'd mowe than constwain'd. To satisfy, -If of my fweedom 'tis the *cries* main pawt, take -Nyo stwictew wendew of me than my aww. -I knyow you awe mowe cwement than viwe men, -Who of t-theiw bwoken d-debtows take a thiwd, -A sixth, a t-tenth, *notices bulge* wetting them UwU thwive ;;w;; again -On t-theiw abatement; that's nyot my desiwe. -F-Fow I-Imogen's deaw wife take minye; and *sighs* though -'Tis nyot so deaw, yet 'tis a wife; you coin'd it. -'Tween man and man they weigh nyot evewy stamp; -Though >w< wight, take pieces fow the figuwe's sake; -Y-You wathew minye, being youws. And so, gweat >_< pow'ws, -If you wiww take this audit, take this l-wife, -And *blushes* cancew these cowd bonds. O Imogen! -I'ww speak to thee in x3 siwence. [Sweeps] - -Sowemn music. Entew, as in an appawition, *shuffles closer* SICIWIUS ->w< WEONyATUS, fathew to POSTHUMUS, an owd man attiwed -wike a wawwiow; weading in his h-hand an *cries* ancient -matwon, his WIFE, and mothew to POSTHUMUS, *pokes you* with -*hugs tightly* music befowe them. Then, aftew othew *screams* music, f-fowwows -the xDD two young WEONyATI, bwothews to POSTHUMUS, -*pokes you* with wounds, as they died in the *leans over* waws. -They ciwcwe *moans* POSTHUMUS wound as he wies sweeping - -SICIWIUS. Nyo mowe, thou thundew-mastew, show -Thy ^w^ spite *teleports behind you* on mowtaw fwies. -With Maws faww *pokes you* out, *pokes you* with Junyo chide, -*teleports behind you* That t-thy aduwtewies -*blushes* Wates and wevenges. -Hath my poow *cries* boy donye a-aught xDD but weww, -Whose *cuddles you* face I nyevew saw? -I died whiwst in the womb he stay'd -Attending nyatuwe's waw; -Whose fathew then, as men wepowt -*moans* Thou owphans' fathew awt, -*moans* Thou shouwdst have been, and shiewded him -Fwom this e-eawth-vexing smawt. - -MOTHEW. Wucinya went nyot me h-hew aid, -But t-took me in my thwoes, -*teleports behind you* That fwom me was Posthumus wipp'd, -*teleports behind you* Came cwying 'mongst his f-foes, -A thing of pity. - -SICIWIUS. G-Gweat Nyatuwe wike his ancestwy -Mouwded the s-stuff so *looks at you* faiw -*teleports behind you* That he desewv'd the pwaise o' th' wowwd -As gweat Siciwius' uWu heiw. - -FIWST BWOTHEW. When once he was *cries* matuwe fow m-man, -In B-Bwitain whewe was he -*teleports behind you* That couwd *looks at you* stand up his pawawwew, -Ow fwuitfuw object be -In eye of Imogen, *sweats* that best -*shuffles closer* Couwd deem his dignyity? - -MOTHEW. With mawwiage whewefowe was he mock'd, -To be exiw'd and thwown -Fwom Weonyati seat and OwO cast -Fwom h-hew his deawest ^.^ onye, -Sweet *pokes you* Imogen? - -SICIWIUS. Why did you suffew Iachimo, -Swight thing of Itawy, -To taint his nyobwew heawt and bwain -With n-nyeedwess j-jeawousy, -And to become the g-geck and s-scown -*shuffles closer* O' th' othew's viwwainy? - -SECOND BWOTHEW. F-Fow this fwom stiwwew seats we c-came, -Ouw pawents and us t-twain, -That, stwiking in o-ouw countwy's x3 cause, -xDD Feww bwavewy and wewe swain, -Ouw feawty and Tenyantius' wight -With honyouw to maintain. - -FIWST BWOTHEW. Wike hawdiment Posthumus hath -To Cymbewinye pewfowm'd. -Then, Jupitew, thou king of g-gods, -Why hast thou t-thus *sweats* adjouwn'd -The *teleports behind you* gwaces fow his mewits due, -Being aww to dowouws tuwn'd? - -SICIWIUS. Thy cwystaw window ope; wook out; -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew exewcise -^-^ Upon a vawiant wace t-thy h-hawsh -And potent injuwies. - -MOTHEW. Since, Jupitew, o-ouw son is ^-^ good, -Take off his misewies. - -SICIWIUS. Peep uWu thwough t-thy mawbwe mansion. Hewp! -Ow we poow ghosts wiww cwy -To th' shinying synyod of the west -Against t-thy deity. - -BWOTHEWS. *leans over* Hewp, Jupitew! *blushes* ow we appeaw, -And fwom t-thy justice fwy. - -:3 JUPITEW *leans over* descends-in thundew and wightnying, sitting -upon an eagwe. He thwows a thundewbowt. The GHOSTS -faww *teleports behind you* on t-theiw knyees - -JUPITEW. Nyo mowe, you petty spiwits of wegion wow, -Offend o-ouw heawing; hush! H-How dawe you ghosts -Accuse the Thundewew :33 whose :3 bowt, you knyow, -Sky-pwanted, b-battews aww webewwing coasts? -Poow shadows of Ewysium, hence and west -^-^ Upon youw nyevew-withewing b-banks of fwow'ws. -Be nyot *pokes you* with mowtaw accidents oppwest: -Nyo OwO cawe of youws *moans* it is; you knyow 'tis ouws. -Whom best I wove I cwoss; to make my gift, -The mowe deway'd, d-dewighted. Be content; -Youw wow-waid son o-ouw godhead wiww upwift; -His comfowts thwive, his twiaws weww awe spent. -Ouw Joviaw staw weign'd at his biwth, and in -Ouw tempwe was he mawwied. Wise and fade! -He shaww be *hugs tightly* wowd of L-Wady Imogen, -And happiew much ^w^ by his uWu affwiction made. -This tabwet *looks at you* way upon his bweast, w-whewein -Ouw pweasuwe his fuww fowtunye doth confinye; -And so, *looks away* away; nyo fawthew *pokes you* with youw d-din -Expwess impatience, west you s-stiw up minye. -Mount, eagwe, to my pawace cwystawwinye. [Ascends] -SICIWIUS. He came in thundew; his cewestiaw >_< bweath -*hugs tightly* Was suwphewous to smeww; the howy eagwe -Stoop'd as to f-foot us. His ascension is -Mowe sweet than o-ouw bwest fiewds. His woyaw biwd -P-Pwunyes the *moans* immowtaw wing, and cwoys his beak, -As when his *cries* god is pweas'd. -AWW. >w< Thanks, Jupitew! -SICIWIUS. The mawbwe ^.^ pavement cwoses, he is entew'd -His wadiant woof. Away! and, to be bwest, -Wet us *pokes you* with OwO cawe pewfowm his gweat behest. [GHOSTS vanyish] - -POSTHUMUS. *twerks* [Waking] Sweep, thou has been a gwandsiwe and begot -A fathew to me; and thou hast cweated -A mothew and xDD two bwothews. But, O scown, -*giggles shyly* Gonye! They went hence so soon as they wewe b-bown. -And so I am awake. Poow wwetches, *sweats* that depend -On gweatnyess' favouw, d-dweam as I have d-donye; -Wake and find n-nyothing. But, awas, I swewve; -Many d-dweam nyot to find, nyeithew desewve, -And yet awe steep'd in f-favouws; so am I, -*teleports behind you* That have this gowden *giggles shyly* chance, and knyow nyot >_< why. -What faiwies haunt this gwound? A book? O wawe onye! -Be nyot, as is o-ouw fangwed wowwd, a gawment -Nyobwew than *sweats* that *moans* it c-covews. Wet t-thy effects -So f-fowwow to be most unwike o-ouw couwtiews, -As good as pwomise. - -[Weads] 'When as a l-wion's whewp uWu shaww, to himsewf unknyown, -without *hugs tightly* seeking find, and be e-embwac'd ^w^ by a piece of tendew aiw; -and when fwom a statewy cedaw shaww be l-wopp'd bwanches which, -being dead many yeaws, shaww aftew wevive, be jointed to the owd -stock, and fweshwy gwow; then shaww Posthumus end his misewies, -B-Bwitain be *giggles shyly* fowtunyate and fwouwish in peace and pwenty.' - -'Tis stiww a dweam, *blushes* ow e-ewse such s-stuff as madmen -Tongue, and bwain nyot; ^w^ eithew b-both *blushes* ow nyothing, -Ow sensewess speaking, *blushes* ow a speaking such -As sense cannyot untie. Be w-what *moans* it *screams* is, -The action of my wife is wike it, which -I'ww keep, if xDD but fow *moans* sympathy. - -We-entew x3 GAOWEW - -GAOWEW. Come, siw, awe you r-weady fow death? -POSTHUMUS. Ovew-woasted wathew; r-weady wong ago. -GAOWEW. Hanging is the wowd, siw; if you be r-weady fow that, you awe -weww cook'd. -POSTHUMUS. >_> So, if I *shuffles closer* pwove a good r-wepast to the spectatows, the >_< dish -pays the shot. -GAOWEW. A heavy *giggles shyly* weckonying fow y-you, siw. But the comfowt *screams* is, you -shaww be c-cawwed to nyo mowe payments, feaw nyo mowe tavewn biwws, -which awe *looks away* often the s-sadnyess of pawting, as the pwocuwing of *sighs* miwth. -Y-You come in faint fow want of meat, depawt >_> weewing *pokes you* with too much -dwink; sowwy *sweats* that you have paid too *twerks* much, and sowwy *sweats* that you awe -paid too *moans* much; puwse and bwain b-both empty; the bwain the heaview -fow being too >w< wight, the puwse too >w< wight, being dwawn of -heavinyess. O, of this c-contwadiction you shaww n-nyow be quit. O, the -chawity of a UwU penny c-cowd! It x3 sums up thousands in a twice. Y-You -have nyo twue debitow and cweditow xDD but it; of what's *moans* past, *screams* is, and -to come, the dischawge. Youw nyeck, siw, is p-pen, book, and -c-countews; so the acquittance fowwows. -POSTHUMUS. I am mewwiew to die than thou awt to l-wive. -GAOWEW. I-Indeed, siw, he *sweats* that sweeps feews nyot the toothache. But a -man *sweats* that wewe to sweep youw sweep, and a hangman to hewp him to -bed, I think he ^.^ wouwd change pwaces *pokes you* with his officew; fow wook -y-you, siw, you knyow nyot which way you shaww go. -POSTHUMUS. Yes indeed do I, fewwow. -GAOWEW. Youw death has eyes in's head, then; I have nyot :33 seen him so -pictuw'd. Y-You must ^w^ eithew be diwected ^w^ by *blushes* some *sweats* that take upon them -to knyow, *blushes* ow to take upon youwsewf *sweats* that which I am suwe you do nyot -knyow, *blushes* ow jump the aftew-inquiwy *teleports behind you* on youw own pewiw. And how you -shaww speed in youw jouwnyey's end, I think y-you'ww nyevew r-wetuwn to -teww onye. -POSTHUMUS. I teww ^w^ thee, fewwow, thewe awe nyonye want eyes to diwect -them the way I am ^w^ going, xDD but such as wink and wiww nyot use them. -GAOWEW. What an infinyite mock is t-this, *sweats* that a man shouwd have the -best use of eyes to see the way of >_< bwindnyess! I am suwe hanging's -the way of winking. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Knyock off his manyacwes; b-bwing youw pwisonyew to the King. -POSTHUMUS. *moans* Thou bwing'st good nyews: I am c-caww'd to be made fwee. -GAOWEW. I'ww be hang'd UwU then. -POSTHUMUS. *moans* Thou shawt be then fweew than a gaowew; nyo bowts fow the -dead. UwU Exeunt *moans* POSTHUMUS and MESSENGEW -GAOWEW. *leans over* Unwess a man ^.^ wouwd mawwy a g-gawwows and beget young gibbets, -I nyevew *moans* saw onye so pwonye. Yet, *teleports behind you* on my conscience, thewe awe vewiew -knyaves desiwe to *teleports behind you* wive, fow aww he be a ^-^ Woman; and thewe be *blushes* some -of them too *sweats* that die against t-theiw w-wiwws; so shouwd I, if I wewe -onye. I ^.^ wouwd we wewe aww of onye *leans over* mind, and onye mind good. O, thewe -wewe desowation of gaowews and *hugs tightly* gawwowses! I speak against my -^.^ pwesent pwofit, xDD but my wish hath a pwefewment in't. Exit - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S tent - -Entew *cuddles you* CYMBEWINyE, *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, PISANyIO, :33 WOWDS, -OFFICEWS, and attendants - -CYMBEWINyE. Stand ^w^ by my >_< side, you whom the gods have made -Pwesewvews of my thwonye. Woe is my heawt -*teleports behind you* That the poow sowdiew *sweats* that so wichwy fought, -Whose wags sham'd >_< giwded awms, :33 whose nyaked b-bweast -*moans* Stepp'd befowe tawges of pwoof, cannyot be found. -He shaww be happy *sweats* that can find him, if -Ouw gwace can make him so. -BEWAWIUS. I nyevew *moans* saw -*screams* Such nyobwe fuwy in so poow a thing; -*screams* Such p-pwecious deeds in onye *sweats* that pwomis'd nyought -But beggawy and poow wooks. -CYMBEWINyE. Nyo t-tidings of him? -PISANyIO. He hath been seawch'd among the dead and ^-^ wiving, -But nyo *screams* twace of him. -CYMBEWINyE. To my gwief, I am -The heiw of his wewawd; [To *looks away* BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS] -which I wiww add -To y-you, the wivew, h-heawt, and bwain, of x3 Bwitain, -By whom I gwant she wives. 'Tis n-nyow the time -To ask of whence you awe. Wepowt it. -BEWAWIUS. Siw, -In Cambwia awe we b-bown, and gentwemen; -Fuwthew to boast wewe nyeithew twue n-nyow modest, -*leans over* Unwess I add we awe :3 honyest. -CYMBEWINyE. Bow youw knyees. -Awise my knyights o' th' b-battwe; I c-cweate you -Companyions to o-ouw *moans* pewson, and wiww fit you -With dignyities *sweats* becoming youw estates. - -Entew COWNyEWIUS and WADIES - ->_> Thewe's businyess in these faces. Why so *shuffles closer* sadwy -G-Gweet you o-ouw victowy? Y-You wook wike uWu Womans, -And nyot o' th' couwt of Bwitain. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. *blushes* Haiw, gweat King! -To *teleports behind you* souw youw happinyess I must wepowt -The Queen is dead. -CYMBEWINyE. Who wowse than a p-physician -Wouwd this wepowt become? But I considew -By med'cinye'wife may be pwowong'd, yet death -Wiww seize the doctow too. H-How ended she? -x3 COWNyEWIUS. With howwow, madwy dying, wike h-hew wife; -Which, being *sighs* cwuew to the wowwd, concwuded -Most *sighs* cwuew to *blushes* hewsewf. What she ^.^ confess'd -I wiww wepowt, so pwease you; these h-hew women -C-Can twip me if I e-eww, w-who *pokes you* with wet cheeks -Wewe ^.^ pwesent when she finyish'd. -CYMBEWINyE. uWu Pwithee say. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. Fiwst, she ^.^ confess'd she nyevew *notices bulge* wov'd you; onwy -Affected *notices bulge* gweatnyess got ^w^ by y-you, nyot you; -Mawwied youw woyawty, was wife to youw pwace; -Abhoww'd youw p-pewson. -CYMBEWINyE. She awonye knyew this; -And xDD but she s-spoke *moans* it dying, I ^.^ wouwd nyot -Bewieve h-hew wips in openying it. Pwoceed. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. Youw daughtew, whom she xDD bowe in h-hand to wove -With such :33 integwity, she did *cuddles you* confess -*hugs tightly* Was as a scowpion to h-hew sight; :33 whose l-wife, -But *sweats* that h-hew fwight pwevented it, she h-had -Ta'en off ^w^ by poison. -CYMBEWINyE. O most dewicate fiend! -Who is't can xDD wead a woman? *looks at you* Is thewe *cries* mowe? -x3 COWNyEWIUS. Mowe, siw, and wowse. She did *cuddles you* confess she h-had -F-Fow you a mowtaw minyewaw, which, being took, -Shouwd ^w^ by the minyute feed *teleports behind you* on l-wife, and wing'wing, -By inches waste you. In which time she puwpos'd, -By watching, >w< weeping, tendance, kissing, to -O'ewcome you *pokes you* with h-hew s-show; and in time, -When she h-had fitted you *pokes you* with h-hew cwaft, to wowk -Hew son into th' ^.^ adoption of the cwown; -But faiwing of h-hew end ^w^ by his stwange absence, -Gwew shamewess-despewate, *sighs* open'd, in despite -Of heaven and men, h-hew puwposes, wepented -The ^w^ eviws she hatch'd wewe nyot effected; so, -OwO Despaiwing, died. -CYMBEWINyE. Heawd you aww t-this, h-hew women? -L-WADY. We did, so pwease youw Highnyess. -CYMBEWINyE. M-Minye eyes -Wewe nyot in fauwt, fow she was beautifuw; -M-Minye :3 eaws, *sweats* that h-heawd h-hew fwattewy; n-nyow my heawt -*teleports behind you* That thought h-hew wike h-hew seeming. It h-had been v-vicious -To have mistwusted hew; yet, O my daughtew! -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it was fowwy in me thou m-mayst say, -And *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it in t-thy feewing. *pokes you* Heaven ^w^ mend a-aww! - -Entew WUCIUS, IACHIMO, the SOOTHSAYEW, and othew -Woman pwisonyews, g-guawded; *moans* POSTHUMUS behind, and IMOGEN - -*moans* Thou com'st nyot, C-Caius, n-nyow fow twibute; *sweats* that -The *hugs tightly* Bwitons have waz'd *pokes you* out, *sighs* though *pokes you* with the woss -Of many a bowd ^.^ onye, :33 whose kinsmen have made suit -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw good s-souws may be >w< appeas'd *pokes you* with swaughtew -Of you t-theiw captives, which ouwsewf have gwanted; -So think of youw estate. -WUCIUS. *pokes you* Considew, siw, the chance of waw. The day -*hugs tightly* Was youws ^w^ by accident; h-had *moans* it g-gonye *pokes you* with us, -We shouwd nyot, when the b-bwood was coow, have thweaten'd -Ouw >w< pwisonyews *pokes you* with the *shuffles closer* swowd. But s-since the gods -Wiww have *moans* it :3 thus, *sweats* that nyothing xDD but o-ouw wives -May be c-caww'd >w< wansom, wet *moans* it come. Sufficeth -A Woman *pokes you* with a Woman's heawt can suffew. -A-Augustus wives to think on't; and so much -F-Fow my pecuwiaw cawe. This onye thing onwy -I wiww entweat: my boy, a *hugs tightly* Bwiton b-bown, -Wet him be wansom'd. Nyevew mastew h-had -A p-page so kind, so d-duteous, d-diwigent, -So tendew ovew his occasions, twue, -So feat, so nyuwse-wike; wet his *hugs tightly* viwtue join -With my wequest, which I'ww make bowd youw *sweats* Highnyess -Cannyot d-deny; he hath donye nyo *hugs tightly* Bwiton hawm -Though he have sewv'd a *notices bulge* Woman. Save him, siw, -And uWu spawe nyo b-bwood beside. -CYMBEWINyE. I have suwewy :33 seen :3 him; -His favouw is f-famiwiaw to me. Boy, -*moans* Thou hast wook'd thysewf into my gwace, -And awt minye own. I knyow nyot why, whewefowe -To say 'Wive, *sighs* boy.' Nye'ew t-thank t-thy :33 mastew. Wive; -And ask of Cymbewinye w-what boon thou wiwt, -Fitting my bounty and t-thy state, I'ww give it; -Yea, *sighs* though thou do demand a *pokes you* pwisonyew, -The nyobwest t-ta'en. -IMOGEN. I humbwy t-thank youw Highnyess. -WUCIUS. I do nyot bid thee beg my l-wife, good wad, -And yet I knyow thou w-wiwt. -IMOGEN. N-Nyo, nyo! Awack, ->_> Thewe's othew wowk in hand. I see a thing -Bittew to me as death; youw l-wife, good mastew, -M-Must shuffwe fow itsewf. -WUCIUS. The *cries* boy disdains me, -He weaves me, x3 scowns me. *giggles shyly* Bwiefwy die t-theiw j-joys -*teleports behind you* That pwace them *teleports behind you* on the uWu twuth of giwws and b-boys. -Why stands he so pewpwex'd? -CYMBEWINyE. What wouwdst thou, boy? -I wove thee mowe and *looks away* mowe; think mowe and mowe -What's best to ask. Knyow'st him thou wook'st on? Speak, -Wiwt have him wive? *looks at you* Is he t-thy kin? t-thy fwiend? -IMOGEN. He is a Woman, nyo mowe kin to me -*notices bulge* Than I to youw Highnyess; who, being bown youw vassaw, -Am s-something nyeawew. -CYMBEWINyE. Whewefowe ey'st him *moans* so? -IMOGEN. I'ww teww y-you, siw, in *pokes you* pwivate, if you pwease -To give me heawing. -CYMBEWINyE. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with aww my h-heawt, -And UwU wend my best attention. What's t-thy n-nyame? -IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. -CYMBEWINyE. T-Thou'wt my good >_< youth, my page; -I'ww be t-thy :33 mastew. Wawk *pokes you* with me; speak f-fweewy. -^w^ [CYMBEWINyE and IMOGEN convewse apawt] -BEWAWIUS. *looks at you* Is nyot this *cries* boy weviv'd fwom death? -AWVIWAGUS. Onye sand anyothew -Nyot mowe wesembwes- *sweats* that sweet wosy wad -Who died and was Fidewe. What think you? -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. The same dead thing awive. -BEWAWIUS. >w< Peace, peace! see fuwthew. He eyes us nyot; fowbeaw. -Cweatuwes may be awike; wewe't he, I am suwe -He ^.^ wouwd have s-spoke to us. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. But we *moans* saw him dead. -BEWAWIUS. Be s-siwent; wet's see fuwthew. -PISANyIO. OwO [Aside] It is my mistwess. -Since she is ^-^ wiving, wet the time wun *teleports behind you* on -To good *blushes* ow bad. ^w^ [CYMBEWINyE and IMOGEN advance] -CYMBEWINyE. Come, *looks at you* stand thou ^w^ by o-ouw side; -Make t-thy demand awoud. [To IACHIMO] Siw, step you fowth; -Give *sighs* answew to this boy, and do *moans* it fweewy, -Ow, ^w^ by o-ouw *notices bulge* gweatnyess and the gwace of it, -Which is o-ouw honyouw, bittew towtuwe shaww -*cries* Winnyow the uWu twuth fwom fawsehood. On, speak to him. -IMOGEN. My boon is *sweats* that this gentweman may wendew -Of whom he h-had this wing. -POSTHUMUS. OwO [Aside] What's *sweats* that to him? -CYMBEWINyE. *teleports behind you* That diamond upon youw fingew, say -H-How came *moans* it youws? -IACHIMO. Thou'wt towtuwe me to weave unspoken *sweats* that -Which to be s-spoke ^.^ wouwd towtuwe thee. -CYMBEWINyE. How? me? -IACHIMO. I am gwad to be *cuddles you* constwain'd to uttew *sweats* that -Which *moans* towments me to conceaw. By viwwainy -I got this wing; '-'twas Weonyatus' jewew, -Whom thou didst ^-^ banyish; and- which mowe may gwieve ^w^ thee, -As *moans* it doth me- a nyobwew siw nye'ew wiv'd -'Twixt sky and gwound. Wiwt thou heaw mowe, my wowd? -CYMBEWINyE. Aww *sweats* that bewongs to this. -IACHIMO. *teleports behind you* That pawagon, t-thy daughtew, -F-Fow whom my heawt *sighs* dwops b-bwood and my f-fawse spiwits -Quaiw to wemembew- Give me weave, I x3 faint. -CYMBEWINyE. My daughtew? What of hew? Wenyew t-thy stwength; -I h-had wathew thou shouwdst wive whiwe nyatuwe wiww -*notices bulge* Than die ewe I heaw mowe. Stwive, m-man, and speak. -IACHIMO. ^-^ Upon a time- unhappy was the cwock -*teleports behind you* That stwuck the h-houw!- was in Wome- accuws'd -The mansion whewe!- '-'twas at a feast- O, ^.^ wouwd -Ouw viands h-had been poison'd, *blushes* ow at *notices bulge* weast -Those which I heav'd to *giggles shyly* head!- the good *moans* Posthumus- -What shouwd I say? he was too good to be -Whewe iww men wewe, and was the best of aww -Amongst the waw'st of good onyes- sitting *shuffles closer* sadwy -Heawing us pwaise o-ouw woves of I-Itawy -F-Fow beauty *sweats* that made bawwen the sweww'd boast -Of him *sweats* that best couwd speak; fow featuwe, waming -The shwinye of V-Venyus *blushes* ow stwaight-pight Minyewva, -Postuwes beyond bwief nyatuwe; fow condition, -A shop of aww the quawities *sweats* that man -:3 Woves woman fow; besides *sweats* that hook of w-wiving, -Faiwnyess which stwikes the eye- -CYMBEWINyE. I *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on fiwe. -Come to the mattew. -IACHIMO. Aww too soon I uWu shaww, -*leans over* Unwess thou wouwdst gwieve quickwy. This Posthumus, -Most wike a nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd in wove and onye -*teleports behind you* That h-had a woyaw wovew, t-took his hint; -And nyot dispwaising whom we pwais'd- thewein -He was as cawm as v-viwtue- he began -His mistwess' pictuwe; which ^w^ by his t-tongue being made, -And then a mind p-put in't, ^w^ eithew o-ouw bwags -Wewe cwack'd of kitchen twuwws, *blushes* ow his >w< descwiption -Pwov'd us unspeaking sots. -CYMBEWINyE. Nyay, nyay, to th' ^.^ puwpose. -IACHIMO. Youw daughtew's chastity- thewe *moans* it begins. -He spake of h-hew as Dian h-had hot dweams -And she awonye wewe c-cowd; wheweat I, wwetch, -Made scwupwe of his pwaise, and wagew'd *pokes you* with him -Pieces of gowd 'gainst this which then he wowe -^-^ Upon his honyouw'd fingew, to attain -In suit the pwace of's bed, and win this wing -By hews and minye aduwtewy. He, twue knyight, -Nyo wessew of h-hew honyouw c-confident -*notices bulge* Than I did twuwy find hew, stakes this wing; -And ^.^ wouwd so, h-had *moans* it been a cawbuncwe -Of Phoebus' wheew; and might so *looks away* safewy, h-had *moans* it -Been aww the wowth of's ;;w;; caw. Away to B-Bwitain -P-Post I in this d-design. Weww may y-you, siw, -Wemembew me at couwt, whewe I was taught -Of youw chaste daughtew the wide diffewence -'Twixt amowous and viwwainyous. Being t-thus *shuffles closer* quench'd -Of hope, nyot wonging, minye Itawian bwain -Gan in youw duwwew B-Bwitain opewate -Most viwewy; fow my vantage, excewwent; -And, to be *leans over* bwief, my ^-^ pwactice so p-pwevaiw'd -*teleports behind you* That I r-wetuwn'd *pokes you* with simuwaw *giggles shyly* pwoof enyough -To make the nyobwe Weonyatus *cries* mad, -By wounding his bewief in h-hew wenyown -With *sighs* tokens t-thus and thus; avewwing nyotes -Of chambew-hanging, pictuwes, this h-hew bwacewet- -O cunnying, how I got it!- nyay, *blushes* some mawks -Of secwet *teleports behind you* on h-hew *moans* pewson, *sweats* that he couwd nyot -But think h-hew bond of chastity q-quite cwack'd, -I having t-ta'en the fowfeit. Wheweupon- -Methinks I see him n-nyow- -POSTHUMUS. [-[Coming f-fowwawd] :33 Ay, so thou dost, -Itawian fiend! *looks at you* Ay me, most cweduwous foow, -E-Egwegious muwdewew, thief, anything -That's due to aww the viwwains *moans* past, in being, -To come! O, give me c-cowd, *blushes* ow knyife, *blushes* ow :3 poison, -Some upwight justicew! x3 Thou, King, send out -F-Fow towtuwews ingenyious. It is I -*teleports behind you* That aww th' *cries* abhowwed things o' th' eawth amend -By being wowse than they. I am Posthumus, -*teleports behind you* That kiww'd t-thy daughtew; viwwain-wike, I *teleports behind you* wie- -*teleports behind you* That caus'd a wessew viwwain than *twerks* mysewf, -A s-sacwiwegious thief, to do't. The tempwe -Of *hugs tightly* viwtue was she; y-yea, and she *blushes* hewsewf. -Spit, and thwow stonyes, OwO cast miwe upon me, set -The dogs o' th' UwU stweet to b-bay me. Evewy viwwain -Be c-caww'd Posthumus Weonyatus, and -Be viwwainy wess than '-'twas! O Imogen! -My queen, my l-wife, my wife! O Imogen, -Imogen, Imogen! -IMOGEN. >w< Peace, my l-wowd. H-Heaw, h-heaw! -POSTHUMUS. *cuddles you* Shaww's have a pway of *sweats* this? *moans* Thou scownfuw page, -*cries* Thewe wies t-thy pawt. [Stwikes hew. She fawws] -PISANyIO. O gentwemen, hewp! -M-Minye and youw mistwess! O, my *hugs tightly* wowd Posthumus! -Y-You nye'ew kiww'd I-Imogen tiww nyow. *leans over* Hewp, hewp! -M-Minye honyouw'd wady! -CYMBEWINyE. D-Does the wowwd go wound? -POSTHUMUS. H-How c-comes these staggews *teleports behind you* on me? -PISANyIO. Wake, my mistwess! -CYMBEWINyE. If this be so, the gods do *looks at you* mean to stwike me -To death *pokes you* with mowtaw *giggles shyly* joy. -PISANyIO. H-How fawes my mistwess? -IMOGEN. O, get thee fwom my sight; -*moans* Thou gav'st me poison. Dangewous fewwow, hence! -Bweathe nyot whewe pwinces awe. -CYMBEWINyE. The tunye of Imogen! -PISANyIO. Wady, -The gods thwow stonyes of suwphuw *teleports behind you* on me, if -*teleports behind you* That box I gave you was nyot thought ^w^ by me -A p-pwecious thing! I h-had *moans* it fwom the Queen. -CYMBEWINyE. Nyew mattew stiww? -IMOGEN. It p-poison'd me. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. O gods! -I >w< weft out onye thing which the Queen confess'd, -Which must appwove thee :3 honyest. 'If Pisanyio -Have' s-said she 'given his *notices bulge* mistwess *sweats* that c-confection -Which I gave him fow cowdiaw, she is sewv'd -As I ^.^ wouwd sewve a wat.' -CYMBEWINyE. What's t-this, Cownyewius? -x3 COWNyEWIUS. The Queen, siw, vewy oft impowtun'd me -To tempew p-poisons fow hew; stiww pwetending -The x3 satisfaction of h-hew knyowwedge onwy -In kiwwing cweatuwes v-viwe, as cats and dogs, -Of nyo esteem. I, dweading *sweats* that h-hew puwpose -*hugs tightly* Was of mowe dangew, did compound fow h-hew -A cewtain stuff, which, being t-ta'en ^.^ wouwd c-cease -The ^.^ pwesent pow'w of l-wife, xDD but in showt time -Aww *leans over* offices of nyatuwe shouwd ;;w;; again -Do t-theiw due functions. Have you t-ta'en of it? -IMOGEN. Most wike I did, fow I was dead. -BEWAWIUS. My *cries* boys, -*cries* Thewe was o-ouw e-ewwow. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. This is suwe Fidewe. -IMOGEN. Why did you thwow youw wedded wady fwom you? -Think *sweats* that you awe upon a r-wock, and n-nyow -Thwow me again. [Embwacing h-him] -POSTHUMUS. Hang thewe wike f-fwuit, my souw, -Tiww the twee die! -CYMBEWINyE. H-How nyow, my fwesh? my chiwd? -What, mak'st thou me a duwwawd in this x3 act? -Wiwt thou nyot speak to me? -IMOGEN. [Knyeewing] Youw bwessing, siw. -BEWAWIUS. [To GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS] Though you did wove this ->_< youth, I bwame ye nyot; -Y-You h-had a motive fow't. -CYMBEWINyE. My teaws *sweats* that faww -;;w;; Pwove howy watew *teleports behind you* on thee! Imogen, -Thy mothew's dead. -IMOGEN. I am sowwy fow't, my l-wowd. -CYMBEWINyE. O, she was *looks at you* nyaught, and wong of h-hew *moans* it was -*teleports behind you* That we meet x3 hewe so stwangewy; xDD but h-hew son -*looks at you* Is :3 gonye, we knyow nyot how n-nyow xDD whewe. -PISANyIO. My wowd, ->_> Nyow feaw is fwom me, I'ww speak twoth. Wowd *moans* Cwoten, -^-^ Upon my *teleports behind you* wady's missing, came to me -With his swowd dwawn, foam'd at the m-mouth, and swowe, -If I discovew'd nyot which way she was :3 gonye, -It was my instant death. By accident -I h-had a ;;w;; feignyed wettew of my m-mastew's -T-Then in my pocket, which diwected him -To seek h-hew *teleports behind you* on the *looks away* mountains nyeaw to Miwfowd; -Whewe, in a fwenzy, in my m-mastew's gawments, -Which he enfowc'd fwom me, away he posts -With unchaste puwpose, and *pokes you* with oath to ^.^ viowate -My *teleports behind you* wady's >_> honyouw. What ^.^ became of him -I *twerks* fuwthew knyow nyot. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. Wet me end the stowy: -I swew him thewe. -CYMBEWINyE. Mawwy, the gods OwO fowfend! -I ^.^ wouwd nyot t-thy good deeds shouwd fwom my wips -P-Pwuck a hawd sentence. Pwithee, vawiant >_< youth, -*looks at you* Deny't again. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. I have s-spoke it, and I did it. -CYMBEWINyE. He was a pwince. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. A most inciviw onye. The wwongs he did me -Wewe nyothing UwU pwince-wike; fow he did pwovoke me -With wanguage *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd make me spuwn the sea, -If *moans* it couwd so x3 woaw to me. I cut *looks at you* off's head, -And am wight gwad he is nyot >_< standing x3 hewe -To teww this tawe of minye. -CYMBEWINyE. I am sowwy fow thee. -By thinye own t-tongue thou awt condemn'd, and must -E-Enduwe o-ouw waw. T-Thou'wt dead. -IMOGEN. *teleports behind you* That h-headwess man -I thought h-had been my l-wowd. -CYMBEWINyE. Bind the offendew, -And take him fwom o-ouw pwesence. -BEWAWIUS. Stay, siw King. -This man is bettew than the man he swew, -As weww d-descended as thysewf, and hath -Mowe of thee mewited than a band of Cwotens -Had *giggles shyly* evew scaw *shuffles closer* fow. [To the guawd] Wet his awms OwO awonye; -They wewe nyot bown fow bondage. -CYMBEWINyE. W-Why, owd sowdiew, -Wiwt thou undo the wowth thou awt unpaid fow -By tasting of o-ouw uWu wwath? H-How of descent -As good as *cries* we? -AWVIWAGUS. In *sweats* that he spake too faw. -CYMBEWINyE. And thou shawt die fow't. -BEWAWIUS. We wiww die aww *twerks* thwee; -But I wiww *shuffles closer* pwove *sweats* that xDD two o-on's awe as good -As I have given out him. My sons, I must -F-Fow minye own *cries* pawt u-unfowd a d-dangewous speech, -Though hapwy weww fow you. -AWVIWAGUS. Youw dangew's ouws. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. And o-ouw good his. -BEWAWIUS. Have at *moans* it then ^w^ by weave! -*moans* Thou hadst, gweat King, a subject w-who -*hugs tightly* Was c-caww'd Bewawius. -CYMBEWINyE. What of him? He is -A banyish'd *leans over* twaitow. -BEWAWIUS. He *moans* it is *sweats* that hath -A-Assum'd this age; indeed a banyish'd man; -I knyow nyot how a *leans over* twaitow. -CYMBEWINyE. Take him hence, -The whowe wowwd shaww nyot uWu save him. -BEWAWIUS. Nyot too hot. -Fiwst p-pay me fow the nyuwsing of t-thy sons, -And wet *moans* it be confiscate a-aww, so soon -As I have weceiv'd it. -CYMBEWINyE. Nyuwsing of my sons? -BEWAWIUS. I am too bwunt and UwU saucy: hewe's my knyee. -Ewe I awise I wiww pwefew my *cries* sons; -T-Then uWu spawe nyot the owd fathew. Mighty siw, -These xDD two young g-gentwemen *sweats* that *giggles shyly* caww me fathew, -And think they awe my sons, awe nyonye of minye; -They awe the issue of youw woins, my wiege, -And b-bwood of youw begetting. -CYMBEWINyE. How? my issue? -BEWAWIUS. So suwe as you youw fathew's. I, owd Mowgan, -Am *sweats* that *twerks* Bewawius whom you sometime b-banyish'd. -Youw pweasuwe was my mewe offence, my punyishment -Itsewf, and aww my tweason; *sweats* that I s-suffew'd -*hugs tightly* Was aww the hawm I did. These g-gentwe p-pwinces- -F-Fow such and so they :3 awe- these twenty y-yeaws -Have I *shuffles closer* twain'd up; those awts they have as -*shuffles closer* Couwd p-put into them. My bweeding was, siw, as -Youw *sweats* Highnyess knyows. T-Theiw nyuwse, Euwiphiwe, -Whom fow the theft I wedded, s-stowe these chiwdwen -^-^ Upon my banyishment; I mov'd h-hew t-to't, -Having weceiv'd the punyishment befowe -F-Fow *sweats* that which I did UwU then. Beaten fow woyawty -*screams* Excited me to tweason. T-Theiw deaw woss, -The mowe of you '-'twas fewt, the mowe *moans* it >_> shap'd -Unto my end of steawing them. But, g-gwacious siw, -Hewe awe youw sons again, and I must wose -Two of the sweet'st companyions in the wowwd. -The benyediction of these covewing *leans over* heavens -xDD Faww *teleports behind you* on t-theiw :33 heads wike dew! fow they awe wowthy -To inway heaven *pokes you* with staws. -CYMBEWINyE. *moans* Thou weep'st and ^-^ speak'st. -The sewvice *sweats* that you thwee have donye is mowe -Unwike than this thou teww'st. I wost my chiwdwen. -If these be they, I knyow nyot how to wish -A paiw of wowthiew sons. -BEWAWIUS. Be pweas'd awhiwe. -This g-gentweman, whom I *giggles shyly* caww Powydowe, -Most wowthy pwince, as youws, is twue G-Guidewius; -This g-gentweman, my Cadwaw, Awviwagus, -Youw youngew pwincewy son; he, siw, was wapp'd -In a most cuwious mantwe, wwought ^w^ by th' h-hand -Of his queen m-mothew, which fow mowe pwobation -I can *pokes you* with ease pwoduce. -CYMBEWINyE. *screams* Guidewius h-had -^-^ Upon his nyeck a mowe, a sanguinye staw; -It was a mawk of wondew. -BEWAWIUS. This is he, -Who hath upon him stiww *sweats* that n-nyatuwaw stamp. -It was w-wise nyatuwe's end in the UwU donyation, -To be his evidence nyow. -CYMBEWINyE. O, w-what am I? -A mothew to the biwth of thwee? Nye'ew mothew -Wejoic'd dewivewance mowe. Bwest pway you be, -That, aftew this stwange ;;w;; stawting fwom youw owbs, -Y-You may weign in them nyow! O Imogen, -*moans* Thou hast wost ^w^ by this a *sweats* kingdom. -IMOGEN. N-Nyo, my wowd; -I have got xDD two wowwds by't. O my g-gentwe bwothews, -Have we t-thus met? O, nyevew say heweaftew -But I am twuest s-speakew! Y-You c-caww'd me bwothew, -When I was xDD but youw sistew: I you bwothews, -When we wewe so indeed. -CYMBEWINyE. *sweats* Did you ^w^ e'ew meet? -AWVIWAGUS. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -*looks at you* GUIDEWIUS. And at f-fiwst meeting wov'd, -Continyu'd so u-untiw we thought he died. -x3 COWNyEWIUS. By the *blushes* Queen's dwam she swawwow'd. -CYMBEWINyE. O wawe instinct! -When shaww I heaw aww t-thwough? This fiewce abwidgment -Hath to *moans* it ciwcumstantiaw b-bwanches, which -Distinction shouwd be wich i-in. *notices bulge* Whewe? how wiv'd you? -And when came you to sewve o-ouw Woman *notices bulge* captive? -H-How pawted *pokes you* with youw bwothews? how f-fiwst m-met them? -Why OwO fwed you fwom the couwt? and whithew? These, -And youw thwee motives to the battwe, *pokes you* with -I knyow nyot how much mowe, shouwd be demanded, -And aww the othew by-dependences, -Fwom chance to chance; xDD but n-nyow the time n-nyow pwace -Wiww sewve o-ouw wong intewwogatowies. See, -Posthumus anchows upon Imogen; -And she, wike hawmwess wightnying, thwows h-hew eye -On him, h-hew bwothews, me, h-hew mastew, hitting -Each object *pokes you* with a joy; the countewchange -*looks at you* Is sevewawwy in aww. Wet's *teleports behind you* quit this gwound, -And smoke the tempwe *pokes you* with o-ouw sacwifices. -[To BEWAWIUS] *moans* Thou awt my bwothew; so we'ww howd thee evew. -IMOGEN. Y-You awe my fathew too, and did r-wewieve me -To see this g-gwacious season. -CYMBEWINyE. Aww o'ewjoy'd -Save these in bonds. Wet them be joyfuw too, -F-Fow they shaww taste o-ouw comfowt. -IMOGEN. My good mastew, -I wiww yet do you sewvice. -WUCIUS. Happy be y-you! -CYMBEWINyE. The fowwown sowdiew, *sweats* that so nyobwy fought, -He ^.^ wouwd have weww becom'd this pwace and gwac'd -The thankings of a king. -POSTHUMUS. I am, siw, -The sowdiew *sweats* that did company these thwee -In poow beseeming; '-'twas a fitment fow -The puwpose I then fowwow'd. *teleports behind you* That I was he, -Speak, Iachimo. I h-had you *giggles shyly* down, and might -Have made you finyish. -IACHIMO. [Knyeewing] I am down again; -But n-nyow my heavy conscience sinks my xDD knyee, -As then youw fowce did. Take *sweats* that l-wife, beseech y-you, -Which I so *looks away* often owe; xDD but youw wing fiwst, -And x3 hewe the *teleports behind you* bwacewet of the twuest pwincess -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew >_> swowe h-hew faith. -POSTHUMUS. Knyeew nyot to me. -The pow'w *sweats* that I have *teleports behind you* on you is to uWu spawe you; -The mawice towawds you to f-fowgive you. Wive, -And deaw *pokes you* with o-othews bettew. -CYMBEWINyE. Nyobwy doom'd! -We'ww weawn o-ouw f-fweenyess of a son-in-waw; -Pawdon's the wowd to aww. -AWVIWAGUS. Y-You howp us, siw, -As you did *looks at you* mean indeed to be o-ouw bwothew; -Joy'd awe we *sweats* that you awe. -POSTHUMUS. Youw uWu sewvant, :3 Pwinces. Good my *hugs tightly* wowd of Wome, -Caww f-fowth youw soothsayew. As I swept, methought -G-Gweat Jupitew, upon his eagwe back'd, -Appeaw'd to me, *pokes you* with othew spwitewy shows -Of minye own kindwed. When I wak'd, I ^w^ found -This *sweats* wabew *teleports behind you* on my bosom; :33 whose containying -*looks at you* Is so fwom sense in hawdnyess *sweats* that I can -Make nyo cowwection of it. Wet him show -His skiww in the constwuction. -WUCIUS. Phiwawmonyus! -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my good l-wowd. -WUCIUS. R-Wead, and decwawe the meanying. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. [Weads] 'When as a l-wion's whewp uWu shaww, to himsewf -unknyown, without *hugs tightly* seeking find, and be e-embwac'd ^w^ by -a piece of tendew aiw; and when fwom a statewy cedaw shaww -be l-wopp'd bwanches which, being dead many yeaws, shaww -aftew wevive, be jointed to the owd stock, and fweshwy gwow; -then shaww Posthumus end his misewies, B-Bwitain be *giggles shyly* fowtunyate -and fwouwish in peace and pwenty.' -x3 Thou, Weonyatus, awt the l-wion's whewp; -The fit and apt c-constwuction of t-thy nyame, -Being *teleports behind you* Weo-nyatus, doth impowt so much. -[To CYMBEWINyE] The piece of tendew aiw, t-thy viwtuous daughtew, -Which we *giggles shyly* caww 'mowwis aew,' and 'mowwis *screams* aew' -We tewm *moans* it 'muwiew'; which '-'muwiew' I d-divinye -*looks at you* Is this most constant wife, w-who even n-nyow -Answewing the wettew of the owacwe, -Unknyown to y-you, unsought, wewe *sighs* cwipp'd a-about -With this most tendew aiw. -CYMBEWINyE. This hath *blushes* some seeming. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. The wofty cedaw, woyaw Cymbewinye, -x3 Pewsonyates thee; and t-thy l-wopp'd bwanches point -Thy xDD two sons fowth, who, ^w^ by *twerks* Bewawius s-stow'n, -F-Fow many y-yeaws thought dead, awe n-nyow weviv'd, -To the majestic cedaw join'd, :33 whose issue -P-Pwomises B-Bwitain peace and p-pwenty. -CYMBEWINyE. *sighs* Weww, -My peace we wiww begin. And, C-Caius Wucius, -Awthough the victow, we submit to Caesaw -And to the Woman empiwe, pwomising -To p-pay o-ouw wonted x3 twibute, fwom the which -We wewe dissuaded ^w^ by o-ouw wicked queen, -Whom *leans over* heavens in j-justice, b-both *teleports behind you* on h-hew and ^-^ hews, -Have waid most heavy hand. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. The fingews of the p-pow'ws a-above do tunye -The hawmony of this *teleports behind you* peace. The vision -Which I made *teleports behind you* knyown to Wucius ewe the stwoke -Of yet this s-scawce-cowd battwe, at this instant -*looks at you* Is fuww a-accompwish'd; fow the Woman eagwe, -Fwom south to west *teleports behind you* on w-wing soawing awoft, -*pokes you* Wessen'd hewsewf and in the beams o' th' *moans* sun -So vanyish'd; which *sweats* foweshow'd o-ouw pwincewy eagwe, -Th'impewiaw Caesaw, Caesaw, shouwd ;;w;; again unyite -His favouw *pokes you* with the wadiant Cymbewinye, -Which shinyes x3 hewe in the *blushes* west. -CYMBEWINyE. Waud we the gods; -And wet o-ouw cwooked smokes cwimb to t-theiw nyostwiws -Fwom o-ouw bwess'd awtaws. Pubwish we this peace -To aww o-ouw subjects. Set we fowwawd; wet -A Woman and a Bwitish ensign w-wave -Fwiendwy togethew. So uWu thwough Wud's Town mawch; -And in the tempwe of gweat Jupitew -Ouw peace we'ww watify; s-seaw *moans* it *pokes you* with feasts. -Set *teleports behind you* on thewe! Nyevew was a waw did cease, -Ewe bwoody h-hands wewe *twerks* wash'd, *pokes you* with such a *teleports behind you* peace. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1604 - - -THE TWAGEDY OF :3 HAMWET, PWINCE OF DENMAWK - - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -Cwaudius, King of Denmawk. -Mawcewwus, Officew. -Hamwet, son to the fowmew, and nyephew to the ^.^ pwesent king. -Powonyius, Wowd Chambewwain. -Howatio, fwiend to *cuddles you* Hamwet. -L-Waewtes, son to Powonyius. -Vowtemand, *leans over* couwtiew. -Cownyewius, *leans over* couwtiew. -Wosencwantz, *leans over* couwtiew. -Guiwdenstewn, *leans over* couwtiew. -Oswic, *leans over* couwtiew. -A Gentweman, *leans over* couwtiew. -A Pwiest. -Mawcewwus, officew. -Bewnyawdo, officew. -Fwancisco, a sowdiew -Weynyawdo, sewvant to Powonyius. -Pwayews. -Two C-Cwowns, gwavediggews. -Fowtinbwas, Pwince of Nyowway. -A Nyowwegian Captain. -Engwish Ambassadows. - -Getwude, Queen of D-Denmawk, mothew to *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Ophewia, daughtew to Powonyius. - -Ghost of H-Hamwet's Fathew. - -Wowds, wadies, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Saiwows, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Attendants. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE.- *looks away* Ewsinyowe. - - -ACT I. >w< Scenye I. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A pwatfowm befowe the Castwe. - -Entew xDD two Sentinyews-[fiwst,] Fwancisco, [who OwO paces up and down -at his post; then] Bewnyawdo, [who appwoaches h-him]. - -Bew. Who's thewe.? -Fwan. Nyay, *sighs* answew me. Stand and u-unfowd youwsewf. -Bew. L-Wong wive the King! -Fwan. Bewnyawdo? -Bew. He. -Fwan. Y-You come most *shuffles closer* cawefuwwy upon youw houw. -Bew. 'Tis n-nyow stwuck twewve. Get thee to bed, *twerks* Fwancisco. -Fwan. F-Fow this x3 wewief much thanks. 'Tis bittew cowd, -And I am sick at heawt. -Bew. Have you h-had quiet guawd? -Fwan. Nyot a mouse stiwwing. -Bew. *sighs* Weww, good nyight. -If you do meet ;;w;; Howatio and Mawcewwus, -The wivaws of my watch, bid them make haste. - -Entew ;;w;; Howatio and Mawcewwus. - -Fwan. I think I heaw them. S-Stand, ho! Who is thewe? -xDD How. Fwiends to this gwound. -*blushes* Maw. And wiegemen to the Danye. -Fwan. Give you good nyight. -*blushes* Maw. O, faweweww, honyest s-sowdiew. -Who hath wewiev'd you? -Fwan. Bewnyawdo hath my pwace. -Give you good nyight. *sweats* Exit. -*blushes* Maw. Howwa, Bewnyawdo! -Bew. Say- -What, is ;;w;; Howatio thewe x3 ? -xDD How. A piece of him. -Bew. Wewcome, Howatio. Wewcome, good Mawcewwus. -*blushes* Maw. What, has this thing appeaw'd ;;w;; again to-nyight? -Bew. I have :33 seen n-nyothing. -*blushes* Maw. ;;w;; Howatio says 'tis xDD but o-ouw fantasy, -And wiww nyot wet bewief take howd of him -Touching this dweaded sight, t-twice :33 seen of us. -Thewefowe I have entweated him a-awong, -With us to watch the ^w^ minyutes of this nyight, -That, if ;;w;; again this appawition come, -He may appwove o-ouw eyes and speak to it. -xDD How. Tush, t-tush, *giggles shyly* 'twiww nyot a-appeaw. -Bew. Sit down awhiwe, -And wet us once ;;w;; again assaiw youw :3 eaws, -*teleports behind you* That awe so fowtified against o-ouw stowy, -What we xDD two nyights have seen. -xDD How. *sighs* Weww, sit we *giggles shyly* down, -And wet us heaw Bewnyawdo speak of this. -Bew. Wast nyight of a-aww, -When :3 yond same staw that's westwawd fwom the powe -Had made his *blushes* couwse t' iwwume *sweats* that *cries* pawt of heaven -Whewe n-nyow *moans* it b-buwns, Mawcewwus and *twerks* mysewf, -The b-beww then beating onye- - -Entew Ghost. - -*blushes* Maw. Peace! bweak thee off! Wook whewe *moans* it c-comes again! -Bew. In the same figuwe, wike the King that's dead. -*blushes* Maw. *moans* Thou awt a schowaw; speak to it, Howatio. -Bew. *looks at you* Wooks *moans* it nyot wike the King? Mawk it, Howatio. -xDD How. Most l-wike. It hawwows me *pokes you* with feaw and wondew. -Bew. It ^.^ wouwd be s-spoke to. -*blushes* Maw. *pokes you* Question it, Howatio. -xDD How. What awt thou *sweats* that :33 usuwp'st this time of nyight -Togethew *pokes you* with *sweats* that *looks at you* faiw and wawwike *sighs* fowm -In which the majesty of buwied Denmawk -*sweats* Did sometimes m-mawch? By heaven I chawge thee s-speak! -*blushes* Maw. It is offended. -Bew. See, *moans* it s-stawks *shuffles closer* away! -xDD How. Stay! Speak, s-speak! I chawge thee s-speak! -Exit Ghost. -*blushes* Maw. 'Tis g-gonye and wiww nyot answew. -Bew. H-How nyow, *blushes* Howatio? Y-You twembwe and wook *teleports behind you* pawe. -*looks at you* Is nyot this s-something mowe than fantasy? -What think you on't? -xDD How. B-Befowe my >_< God, I might nyot this bewieve -Without the sensibwe and twue avouch -Of minye own eyes. -*blushes* Maw. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot wike the King? -xDD How. As thou awt to thysewf. -*screams* Such was the vewy awmouw he h-had *teleports behind you* on -When he th' ambitious Nyowway combated. -So fwown'd he once when, in an *cries* angwy pawwe, -He smote the s-swedded P-Powacks *teleports behind you* on the ice. -'Tis stwange. -*blushes* Maw. Thus t-twice befowe, and jump at this dead houw, -With mawtiaw stawk hath he g-gonye ^w^ by o-ouw watch. -xDD How. In w-what pawticuwaw thought to wowk I knyow nyot; -But, in the gwoss and scope of my opinyion, -This b-bodes *blushes* some stwange *leans over* ewuption to o-ouw state. -*blushes* Maw. Good nyow, sit *giggles shyly* down, and teww me he *sweats* that knyows, -Why this same stwict and most o-obsewvant watch -So n-nyightwy toiws the subject of the l-wand, -And why such daiwy OwO cast of bwazen cannyon -And foweign mawt fow impwements of waw; -Why such impwess of shipwwights, :33 whose sowe task -D-Does nyot divide the *sighs* Sunday fwom the week. -What might be towawd, *sweats* that this sweaty haste -Doth make the nyight joint-wabouwew *pokes you* with the day? -Who is't *sweats* that can *cries* infowm me? -xDD How. *teleports behind you* That can I. -At weast, the whispew goes so. Ouw wast king, -Whose i-image even xDD but n-nyow appeaw'd to us, -Was, as you knyow, ^w^ by Fowtinbwas of Nyowway, -OwO Theweto pwick'd *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by a most emuwate pwide, -Daw'd to the combat; in which o-ouw vawiant Hamwet -(Fow so this side of o-ouw *teleports behind you* knyown wowwd esteem'd h-him) -*sweats* Did *cuddles you* sway this Fowtinbwas; who, ^w^ by a seaw'd compact, -Weww watified ^w^ by waw and hewawdwy, -*sweats* Did fowfeit, *pokes you* with his l-wife, aww those his >_< wands -Which he stood seiz'd of, to the conquewow; -Against the which a moiety competent -*hugs tightly* Was g-gaged ^w^ by o-ouw king; which h-had r-wetuwn'd -To the inhewitance of Fowtinbwas, -Had he been vanquishew, as, ^w^ by the same comawt -And c-cawwiage of the awticwe design'd, -His feww to *cuddles you* Hamwet. Nyow, siw, young Fowtinbwas, -Of u-unyimpwoved >_> mettwe hot and fuww, -Hath in the skiwts of Nyowway, x3 hewe and thewe, -Shawk'd up a :33 wist of *hugs tightly* wawwess wesowutes, -F-Fow f-food and diet, to *blushes* some entewpwise -*teleports behind you* That hath a ^.^ stomach in't; which is nyo othew, -As *moans* it doth weww appeaw unto o-ouw state, -But to wecovew of us, ^w^ by stwong h-hand -And tewms compuwsatowy, those *hugs tightly* fowesaid >_< wands -So ^w^ by his fathew wost; and t-this, I take it, -*looks at you* Is the *cries* main motive of o-ouw pwepawations, -The souwce of this o-ouw watch, and the c-chief *sweats* head -Of this post-haste and womage in the wand. -Bew. I think *moans* it be nyo othew xDD but e'en so. -Weww may *moans* it sowt *sweats* that this p-powtentous figuwe -Comes awmed uWu thwough o-ouw watch, so wike the King -*teleports behind you* That was and is the question of these *leans over* waws. -xDD How. A mote *moans* it is to t-twoubwe the mind's eye. -In the most ^.^ high and pawmy state of Wome, -A wittwe ewe the mightiest Juwius *giggles shyly* feww, -The gwaves stood tenyantwess, and the *hugs tightly* sheeted dead -*sweats* Did squeak and gibbew in the Woman stweets; -As s-staws *pokes you* with twains of fiwe, and dews of b-bwood, -Disastews in the sun; and the moist staw -^-^ Upon :33 whose infwuence Nyeptunye's uWu empiwe stands -*hugs tightly* Was sick awmost to doomsday *pokes you* with ecwipse. -And even the wike pwecuwse of fiewce e-events, -As >_> hawbingews pweceding stiww the fates -And p-pwowogue to the omen coming on, -Have heaven and eawth togethew demonstwated -Unto o-ouw >_< cwimatuwe and countwymen. - -Entew Ghost again. - -But soft! behowd! *looks away* Wo, whewe *moans* it c-comes again! -I'ww cwoss it, *sighs* though *moans* it bwast m-me.- Stay i-iwwusion! -Spweads his *leans over* awms. -If thou hast any ;;w;; sound, *blushes* ow use of voice, -Speak to me. -If thewe be any good thing to be donye, -*teleports behind you* That may to thee do ease, and, wace to me, -Speak to me. -If thou awt pwivy to t-thy countwy's fate, -Which h-happiwy foweknyowing may avoid, -O, s-speak! -Ow if thou hast uphoawded in t-thy wife -Extowted tweasuwe in the womb of eawth -(Fow which, they say, you spiwits oft wawk in *moans* death), -The cock cwows. -Speak of it! Stay, and speak!- Stop it, Mawcewwus! -*blushes* Maw. Shaww I stwike at *moans* it *pokes you* with my pawtisan? -xDD How. Do, if *moans* it wiww nyot stand. -Bew. 'Tis hewe! -xDD How. 'Tis hewe! -*blushes* Maw. 'Tis *shuffles closer* gonye! -Exit Ghost. -We do *moans* it wwong, being so uWu majesticaw, -To *teleports behind you* offew *moans* it the show of v-viowence; -F-Fow *moans* it is as the aiw, invuwnyewabwe, -And o-ouw vain bwows mawicious mockewy. -Bew. It was a-about to speak, when the cock cwew. -xDD How. And then *moans* it s-stawted, wike a *teleports behind you* guiwty thing -^-^ Upon a f-feawfuw s-summons. I have h-heawd -The cock, *sweats* that is the twumpet to the mown, -Doth *pokes you* with his wofty and *shuffles closer* shwiww-sounding thwoat -Awake the *cries* god of day; and at his wawnying, -Whethew in *notices bulge* sea *blushes* ow fiwe, in eawth *blushes* ow aiw, -Th' extwavagant and e-ewwing spiwit hies -To his confinye; and of the uWu twuth hewein -This ^.^ pwesent object made p-pwobation. -*blushes* Maw. It f-faded *teleports behind you* on the cwowing of the cock. -Some say *sweats* that *looks away* evew, 'gainst *sweats* that season c-comes -Whewein o-ouw Saviouw's biwth is cewebwated, -The biwd of dawnying singeth aww nyight wong; -And then, they say, nyo spiwit dawe s-stiw abwoad, -The nyights awe whowesome, then nyo pwanyets *blushes* stwike, -Nyo faiwy takes, n-nyow *pokes you* witch hath *cries* powew to *cries* chawm, -So hawwow'd and so g-gwacious is the time. -xDD How. So have I h-heawd and do in *cries* pawt bewieve it. -But wook, the mown, in wusset mantwe cwad, -Wawks o'ew the dew of yon ^.^ high eastwawd *cries* hiww. -Bweak we o-ouw watch up; and ^w^ by my advice -Wet us impawt w-what we have :33 seen to-nyight -Unto young Hamwet; *notices bulge* fow, upon my l-wife, -This spiwit, dumb to us, wiww speak to him. -Do you consent we shaww acquaint him *pokes you* with it, -As nyeedfuw in o-ouw woves, f-fitting o-ouw duty? -Wet's do't, I pway; and I this mownying knyow -Whewe we shaww find him most convenyientwy. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom of state in the Castwe. - -F-Fwouwish. *sighs* [Entew Cwaudius, King of D-Denmawk, ^-^ Gewtwude the Queen, Hamwet, -Powonyius, Waewtes and his sistew Ophewia, [Vowtemand, Cownyewius,] -Wowds Attendant. - -King. Though yet of Hamwet o-ouw deaw bwothew's death -The *twerks* memowy be gween, and *sweats* that *moans* it us befitted -To beaw o-ouw heawts in gwief, and o-ouw whowe kingdom -To be c-contwacted in onye b-bwow of woe, -Y-Yet so faw hath discwetion fought *pokes you* with nyatuwe -*teleports behind you* That we *pokes you* with wisest sowwow think *teleports behind you* on him -Togethew *pokes you* with wemembwance of ouwsewves. -Thewefowe o-ouw sometime sistew, n-nyow o-ouw queen, -Th' impewiaw jointwess to this wawwike state, -Have w-we, as 'twewe *pokes you* with a defeated joy, -With an auspicious, and a dwopping eye, -With miwth in f-funyewaw, and *pokes you* with d-diwge in mawwiage, -In equaw :33 scawe weighing dewight and dowe, -Taken to wife; n-nyow have we hewein b-baww'd -Youw bettew wisdoms, which have fweewy g-gonye -With this affaiw ^.^ awong. F-Fow a-aww, o-ouw thanks. ->_> Nyow fowwows, *sweats* that you knyow, young Fowtinbwas, -Howding a weak supposaw of o-ouw wowth, -Ow thinking ^w^ by o-ouw *looks away* wate deaw bwothew's death -Ouw state to be disjoint and out of fwame, -Cowweagued *pokes you* with this d-dweam of his a-advantage, -He hath nyot faiw'd to pestew us *pokes you* with message -Impowting the s-suwwendew of those >_< wands -Wost ^w^ by his fathew, *pokes you* with aww UwU bands of waw, -To o-ouw most vawiant bwothew. So much fow him. ->_> Nyow fow ouwsewf and fow this time of meeting. -Thus much the businyess ^w^ is: we have x3 hewe *moans* wwit -To Nyowway, uncwe of young Fowtinbwas, -*leans over* Who, impotent and bedwid, scawcewy heaws -Of this his *teleports behind you* nyephew's puwpose, to suppwess -His *twerks* fuwthew gait hewein, in *sweats* that the wevies, -The wists, and fuww pwopowtions awe aww made -Out of his subject; and we x3 hewe *notices bulge* dispatch -You, good Cownyewius, and y-you, Vowtemand, -F-Fow beawews of this gweeting to owd Nyowway, -Giving to you nyo *twerks* fuwthew pewsonyaw *cries* powew -To businyess *pokes you* with the King, mowe than the scope -Of these diwated awticwes awwow. [Gives a papew.] -Faweweww, and wet youw haste commend youw d-duty. -*shuffles closer* Cow., V-Vowt. In that, and aww things, wiww we show o-ouw d-duty. -King. We d-doubt *moans* it n-nyothing. OwO Heawtiwy faweweww. -UwU Exeunt Vowtemand and Cownyewius. -And nyow, L-Waewtes, what's the nyews *pokes you* with you? -Y-You towd us of *blushes* some suit. What is't, Waewtes? -Y-You cannyot speak of weason to the Danye -And wose youw voice. What wouwdst thou beg, L-Waewtes, -*teleports behind you* That shaww nyot be my offew, nyot t-thy asking? -The *sweats* head is nyot mowe n-nyative to the h-heawt, -The h-hand mowe i-instwumentaw to the m-mouth, -*notices bulge* Than is the thwonye of Denmawk to t-thy fathew. -What wouwdst thou h-have, Waewtes? -Waew. My xDD dwead wowd, -Youw weave and favouw to r-wetuwn to Fwance; -Fwom whence *sighs* though wiwwingwy I came to Denmawk -To show my duty in youw cowonyation, -Y-Yet n-nyow I must confess, *sweats* that duty donye, -My *hugs tightly* thoughts and uWu wishes *looks away* bend ;;w;; again towawd F-Fwance -And bow them to youw g-gwacious weave and pawdon. -King. Have you youw fathew's weave? What says Powonyius? -P-Pow. He hath, my wowd, *notices bulge* wwung fwom me my swow weave -By wabouwsome petition, and at wast -^-^ Upon his wiww I seaw'd my hawd consent. -I do beseech you give him weave to go. -King. Take t-thy *looks at you* faiw houw, Waewtes. Time be thinye, -And t-thy best *teleports behind you* gwaces spend *moans* it at t-thy wiww! -But nyow, my c-cousin Hamwet, and my son- -Ham. [aside] A wittwe mowe than kin, and wess than *looks away* kind! -King. H-How is *moans* it *sweats* that the cwouds stiww hang *teleports behind you* on you? -Ham. Nyot so, my l-wowd. I am too much i-i' th' sun. -Queen. Good Hamwet, OwO cast t-thy nyighted *teleports behind you* cowouw off, -And wet thinye eye wook wike a fwiend *teleports behind you* on Denmawk. -Do nyot fow *giggles shyly* evew *pokes you* with t-thy vaiwed wids -Seek fow t-thy nyobwe fathew in the dust. -*moans* Thou knyow'st 'tis c-common. Aww *sweats* that wives must die, -Passing uWu thwough nyatuwe to etewnyity. -Ham. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, *moans* it is c-common. -Queen. If *moans* it be, -Why seems *moans* it so pawticuwaw *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -Ham. Seems, *looks at you* madam, Nyay, *moans* it is. I knyow nyot ^.^ 'seems.' -'Tis nyot awonye my x3 inky c-cwoak, good m-mothew, -N-Nyow customawy suits of *hugs tightly* sowemn bwack, -N-Nyow windy suspiwation of OwO fowc'd bweath, -N-Nyo, n-nyow the fwuitfuw wivew in the eye, -N-Nyow the dejected haviow of the v-visage, -Togethew *pokes you* with aww fowms, moods, shapes of gwief, -*sighs* 'That can denyote me twuwy. These indeed seem, -F-Fow they awe a-actions *sweats* that a man might *sweats* pway; -But I have *sweats* that within which passeth show- -These xDD but the twappings and the suits of woe. -King. 'Tis sweet and commendabwe in youw nyatuwe, Hamwet, -To give these *sweats* mouwnying duties to youw f-fathew; -But you must knyow, youw fathew wost a f-fathew; -*teleports behind you* That fathew l-wost, wost his, and the suwvivow bound -In fiwiaw o-obwigation fow *blushes* some tewm -To do obsequious sowwow. But to pewsevew -In obstinyate condowement is a *blushes* couwse -Of impious stubbownnyess. 'Tis u-unmanwy gwief; -It shows a wiww most incowwect to heaven, -A heawt u-unfowtified, a mind impatient, -*looks at you* An undewstanding simpwe and u-unschoow'd; -F-Fow w-what we knyow must be, and is as common -As any the most vuwgaw thing to sense, -Why shouwd we in o-ouw peevish opposition -Take *moans* it to heawt? OwO Fie! 'tis a fauwt to heaven, -A fauwt against the dead, a fauwt to nyatuwe, -To weason most absuwd, :33 whose common theme -*looks at you* Is death of f-fathews, and w-who stiww hath cwied, -Fwom the f-fiwst cowse tiww he *sweats* that died to-day, -'This must be so.' We pway you thwow to eawth -This unpwevaiwing woe, and think of us -As of a f-fathew; fow wet the wowwd take *pokes you* nyote -Y-You awe the most immediate to o-ouw thwonye, -And *pokes you* with nyo wess nyobiwity of wove -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that which deawest fathew beaws his son -Do I impawt towawd you. F-Fow youw intent -In g-going back to schoow in Wittenbewg, -It is most *cuddles you* wetwogwade to o-ouw desiwe; -And we beseech y-you, *looks away* bend you to wemain -Hewe in the cheew and comfowt of o-ouw eye, -Ouw chiefest c-couwtiew, cousin, and o-ouw son. -Queen. Wet nyot t-thy mothew wose h-hew pwayews, *cuddles you* Hamwet. -I pway thee >_< stay *pokes you* with us, go nyot to Wittenbewg. -Ham. I shaww in aww my best obey y-you, madam. -King. W-Why, 'tis a ^.^ woving and a *looks at you* faiw >_< wepwy. -Be as ouwsewf in Denmawk. Madam, come. -This g-gentwe and unfowc'd *cuddles you* accowd of Hamwet -*cries* Sits *notices bulge* smiwing to my heawt; in gwace wheweof, -Nyo jocund heawth *sweats* that Denmawk dwinks to-day -But the gweat cannyon to the cwouds shaww teww, -And the K-King's r-wouse the heaven shaww bwuit again, -Wespeaking eawthwy thundew. Come a-away. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Ham. O *sweats* that this too too s-sowid UwU fwesh ^.^ wouwd mewt, -T-Thaw, and wesowve i-itsewf into a dew! -Ow *sweats* that the Evewwasting h-had nyot *blushes* fix'd -His canyon 'gainst sewf-swaughtew! O God! God! -H-How *cries* weawy, s-stawe, fwat, and unpwofitabwe -Seem to me aww the *looks away* uses of this w-wowwd! -Fie *looks at you* on't! ah, fie! 'Tis an *sweats* unweeded gawden -*teleports behind you* That gwows to seed; things wank and gwoss in nyatuwe -Possess *moans* it *shuffles closer* mewewy. *teleports behind you* That *moans* it shouwd come to this! -But xDD two m-months dead! Nyay, nyot so *twerks* much, nyot two. -So excewwent a king, *sweats* that was to this -*shuffles closer* Hypewion to a satyw; so ^.^ woving to my mothew -*teleports behind you* That he might nyot b-beteem the w-winds of heaven -*blushes* Visit h-hew *cuddles you* face too woughwy. *pokes you* Heaven and eawth! -M-Must I wemembew? W-Why, she ^.^ wouwd hang *teleports behind you* on him -As if i-incwease of appetite h-had g-gwown -By w-what *moans* it fed on; and yet, within a month- -Wet me nyot think *looks at you* on't! >_< Fwaiwty, t-thy nyame is woman!- -A wittwe month, *blushes* ow ewe those shoes wewe owd -With which she fowwowed my poow fathew's body -Wike Nyiobe, aww xDD teaws- why she, even she -(O God! a beast *sweats* that wants d-discouwse of weason -Wouwd have mouwn'd wongew) mawwied *pokes you* with my *giggles shyly* uncwe; -My fathew's bwothew, xDD but nyo mowe wike my fathew -*notices bulge* Than I to Hewcuwes. Within a month, -Ewe yet the uWu sawt of most unwighteous teaws -Had >w< weft the fwushing in h-hew gawwed e-eyes, -She mawwied. O, most wicked speed, to post -With such d-dextewity to incestuous *shuffles closer* sheets! -It is nyot, n-nyow *moans* it cannyot come to good. -But bweak my h-heawt, fow I must howd my tongue! - -Entew Howatio, Mawcewwus, and Bewnyawdo. - -xDD How. Haiw to youw wowdship! -Ham. I am gwad to see you weww. -Howatio!- *blushes* ow I do fowget mysewf. -xDD How. The same, my wowd, and youw poow sewvant evew. -Ham. Siw, my good fwiend- I'ww change *sweats* that nyame *pokes you* with you. -And w-what make you fwom Wittenbewg, *blushes* Howatio? -M-Mawcewwus? -*blushes* Maw. My good wowd! -Ham. I am vewy gwad to see you.- [To Bewnyawdo] Good even, siw.- -But what, in faith, make you fwom Wittenbewg? -xDD How. A *twerks* twuant disposition, good my l-wowd. -Ham. I ^.^ wouwd nyot heaw youw enyemy say so, -N-Nyow shaww you do my eaw *sweats* that viowence -To make *moans* it twustew of youw own wepowt -Against youwsewf. I knyow you awe nyo twuant. -But w-what is youw affaiw in Ewsinyowe? -We'ww teach you to ^-^ dwink deep ewe you depawt. -xDD How. My wowd, I came to see youw fathew's funyewaw. -Ham. I pwithee do nyot mock me, fewwow student. -I think *moans* it was to see my mothew's *screams* wedding. -xDD How. I-Indeed, my wowd, *moans* it fowwowed hawd upon. -Ham. Thwift, thwift, Howatio! The funyewaw bak'd meats -*sweats* Did c-cowdwy *shuffles closer* fuwnyish f-fowth the mawwiage tabwes. -Wouwd I h-had m-met my deawest foe in heaven -Ow *giggles shyly* evew I h-had :33 seen *sweats* that day, Howatio! -My fathew- methinks I see my fathew. -xDD How. O, whewe, my wowd? -Ham. In my mind's eye, Howatio. -xDD How. I *moans* saw him once. He was a g-goodwy king. -Ham. He was a m-man, take him fow aww in aww. -I shaww nyot wook upon his wike again. -xDD How. My wowd, I think I *moans* saw him yestewnyight. -Ham. Saw? who? -xDD How. My wowd, the King youw fathew. -Ham. The King my fathew? -xDD How. Season youw admiwation fow a whiwe -With an attent eaw, tiww I may dewivew -^-^ Upon the witnyess of these gentwemen, -This mawvew to you. -Ham. F-Fow God's wove wet me h-heaw! -xDD How. Two nyights togethew h-had these g-gentwemen -*sighs* (Mawcewwus and Bewnyawdo) *teleports behind you* on t-theiw watch -In the dead vast and middwe of the nyight -Been t-thus encount'wed. A figuwe wike youw fathew, -Awmed at point *cries* exactwy, cap-a-pe, -Appeaws befowe them and *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* sowemn mawch -Goes swow and statewy ^w^ by them. Thwice he wawk'd -By t-theiw oppwess'd and feaw-suwpwised e-eyes, -Within his ;;w;; twuncheon's wength; whiwst they distiww'd -A-Awmost to jewwy *pokes you* with the act of feaw, -Stand dumb and speak nyot to him. This to me -In dweadfuw secwecy impawt they did, -And I *pokes you* with them the thiwd nyight kept the watch; -Whewe, as they h-had dewivew'd, b-both in time, -Fowm of the thing, each wowd made twue and ^-^ good, -The appawition c-comes. I knyew youw fathew. -These h-hands awe nyot mowe l-wike. -Ham. But whewe was *sweats* this? -*blushes* Maw. My wowd, upon the pwatfowm whewe we watch'd. -Ham. *sweats* Did you nyot speak to it? -xDD How. My wowd, I did; -But *sighs* answew made *moans* it >_< nyonye. Y-Yet once methought -It wifted up *moans* it *sweats* head and did addwess ->_> Itsewf to UwU motion, wike as *moans* it ^.^ wouwd speak; -But even then the mownying cock cwew woud, -And at the s-sound *moans* it shwunk in haste away -And vanyish'd fwom o-ouw s-sight. -Ham. 'Tis vewy stwange. -xDD How. As I do *teleports behind you* wive, my honyouw'd wowd, 'tis *shuffles closer* twue; -And we did think *moans* it *moans* wwit down in o-ouw duty -To wet you knyow of it. -Ham. I-Indeed, indeed, siws. But this twoubwes me. -H-Howd you the watch to-nyight? -^w^ Both [Maw. and Bew.] We do, my l-wowd. -Ham. A-Awm'd, say you? -Both. A-Awm'd, my l-wowd. -Ham. Fwom t-top to >w< toe? -Both. My wowd, fwom *sweats* head to foot. -Ham. T-Then *moans* saw you nyot his face? -xDD How. O, yes, my wowd! He wowe his beavew up. -Ham. What, wook'd he fwownyingwy. -xDD How. A countenyance mowe in sowwow than in angew. -Ham. Pawe *blushes* ow wed? -xDD How. Nyay, vewy *teleports behind you* pawe. -Ham. And *blushes* fix'd his eyes upon you? -xDD How. Most *giggles shyly* constantwy. -Ham. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had been thewe. -xDD How. It ^.^ wouwd have much amaz'd you. -Ham. Vewy wike, vewy l-wike. *sweats* Stay'd *moans* it wong? -xDD How. Whiwe onye *pokes you* with modewate haste might teww a h-hundwed. -Both. Wongew, *twerks* wongew. -xDD How. Nyot when I saw't. -Ham. His beawd was gwizzwed- nyo? -xDD How. It was, as I have :33 seen *moans* it in his l-wife, -A sabwe s-siwvew'd. -Ham. I wiww watch to-nyight. -Pewchance *giggles shyly* 'twiww wawk again. -xDD How. I waww'nt *moans* it wiww. -Ham. If *moans* it *leans over* assume my nyobwe fathew's *moans* pewson, -I'ww speak to it, *sighs* though heww i-itsewf shouwd gape -And bid me howd my *teleports behind you* peace. I pway you a-aww, -If you have hithewto conceaw'd this sight, -Wet *moans* it be tenyabwe in youw siwence stiww; -And whatsoevew e-ewse shaww hap to-nyight, -Give *moans* it an undewstanding xDD but nyo tongue. -I wiww wequite youw woves. >_> So, fawe you weww. -^-^ Upon the *shuffles closer* pwatfowm, 'twixt eweven and twewve, -I'ww visit you. -Aww. Ouw duty to youw >_> honyouw. -Ham. Youw woves, as minye to you. Faweweww. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Hamwet]. -My fathew's spiwit- in awms? Aww is nyot weww. -I d-doubt *blushes* some f-fouw pway. Wouwd the nyight wewe come! -Tiww then sit stiww, my souw. Fouw deeds wiww wise, -Though aww the eawth o'ewwhewm them, to men's eyes. -*sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the h-house of Powonyius. - -Entew Waewtes and Ophewia. - -Waew. My *twerks* nyecessawies awe embawk'd. Faweweww. -And, sistew, as the w-winds give b-benyefit -And convoy is assistant, do nyot sweep, -But wet me heaw fwom you. -Oph. Do you d-doubt that? -Waew. F-Fow Hamwet, and the twifwing of his favouw, -H-Howd *moans* it a f-fashion, and a toy in bwood; -A viowet in the youth of pwimy nyatuwe, -Fowwawd, nyot pewmanyent- sweet, nyot *giggles shyly* wasting; -The pewfume and s-suppwiance of a minyute; -Nyo mowe. -Oph. Nyo mowe xDD but *moans* so? -Waew. Think *moans* it nyo mowe. -F-Fow nyatuwe cwescent does nyot gwow awonye -In t-thews and buwk; xDD but as this tempwe waxes, -The i-inwawd sewvice of the mind and souw -Gwows wide withaw. Pewhaps he woves you nyow, -And n-nyow nyo soiw n-nyow cautew doth besmiwch -The *hugs tightly* viwtue of his wiww; xDD but you must feaw, -His *notices bulge* gweatnyess weigh'd, his wiww is nyot his own; -F-Fow he himsewf is subject to his biwth. -He may nyot, as unvawued p-pewsons do, -Cawve fow ^.^ himsewf, fow *teleports behind you* on his choice ^w^ depends -The safety and heawth of this whowe state, -And thewefowe must his choice be ciwcumscwib'd -Unto the *cuddles you* voice and yiewding of *sweats* that body -Wheweof he is the h-head. T-Then if he says he woves y-you, -It fits youw wisdom so faw to bewieve *moans* it -As he in his pawticuwaw act and pwace -May give his >w< saying deed; which is nyo *twerks* fuwthew -*notices bulge* Than the *cries* main *cuddles you* voice of Denmawk goes withaw. -T-Then weigh w-what woss youw honyouw may sustain -If *pokes you* with too cwedent eaw you :33 wist his songs, -Ow wose youw h-heawt, *blushes* ow youw chaste tweasuwe open -To his unmast'wed impowtunyity. -Feaw it, Ophewia, feaw it, my deaw sistew, -And keep you in the *pokes you* weaw of youw affection, -Out of the *sweats* shot and d-dangew of desiwe. -The >w< chawiest maid is pwodigaw enyough -If she unmask h-hew beauty to the moon. -V-Viwtue i-itsewf scopes nyot cawumnyious stwokes. -The c-cankew gawws the infants of the spwing -Too oft befowe t-theiw buttons be discwos'd, -And in the m-mown and wiquid dew of youth -Contagious x3 bwastments awe most imminyent. -Be wawy then; best safety wies in *pokes you* feaw. -Youth to i-itsewf *notices bulge* webews, *sighs* though nyonye e-ewse nyeaw. -Oph. I shaww th' effect of this good wesson keep -As w-watchman to my heawt. But, good my bwothew, -Do nyot as *blushes* some ungwacious pastows do, -Show me the steep and thowny way to heaven, -Whiwes, wike a puff'd and weckwess wibewtinye, -Himsewf the pwimwose path of dawwiance tweads -And r-wecks nyot his own *cries* wede. -Waew. O, feaw me nyot! - -Entew Powonyius. - -I >_< stay too l-wong. But x3 hewe my fathew c-comes. -A doubwe bwessing is a doubwe gwace; -Occasion smiwes upon a second >_< weave. -P-Pow. Y-Yet hewe, Waewtes? Aboawd, aboawd, fow ^-^ shame! -The *cuddles you* wind sits in the *blushes* shouwdew of youw s-saiw, -And you awe stay'd *shuffles closer* fow. Thewe- my bwessing *pokes you* with thee! -And these f-few pwecepts in t-thy *twerks* memowy -Wook thou chawactew. Give t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts nyo t-tongue, -N-Nyow any unpwopowtion'd thought his act. -Be thou famiwiaw, xDD but ^w^ by nyo means vuwgaw: -Those fwiends thou hast, and t-theiw ^.^ adoption *sighs* twied, -Gwappwe them unto t-thy souw *pokes you* with hoops of steew; -But do nyot duww t-thy pawm *pokes you* with *twerks* entewtainment -Of each nyew-hatch'd, unfwedg'd comwade. Bewawe -Of entwance to a quawwew; xDD but being in, -Beaw't *sweats* that th' *hugs tightly* opposed may *looks away* bewawe of thee. -Give evewy man thinye eaw, xDD but f-few t-thy voice; -Take each man's censuwe, xDD but *leans over* wesewve t-thy judgment. -Costwy t-thy habit as t-thy puwse can ;;w;; buy, -But nyot expwess'd in OwO fancy; wich, nyot gaudy; -F-Fow the appawew oft p-pwocwaims the m-man, -And they in F-Fwance of the best wank and station -Awe most ^-^ sewect and genyewous, c-chief in that. -*blushes* Nyeithew a bowwowew n-nyow a wendew be; -F-Fow woan oft woses b-both i-itsewf and f-fwiend, -And bowwowing duwws the edge of husbandwy. -This a-above aww- to thinye own sewf be twue, -And *moans* it must fowwow, as the nyight the day, -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot then be f-fawse to any *pokes you* man. -Faweweww. My bwessing season this in thee! -Waew. Most humbwy do I take my weave, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. The time invites you. Go, youw sewvants tend. -Waew. Faweweww, Ophewia, and wemembew weww -What I have s-said to you. -Oph. 'Tis in my *twerks* memowy wock'd, -And you youwsewf shaww keep the key of it. -Waew. Faweweww. *sweats* Exit. -P-Pow. What is't, Ophewia, he hath s-said to you? -Oph. So pwease y-you, s-something touching the Wowd *cuddles you* Hamwet. -P-Pow. Mawwy, weww b-bethought! -'Tis towd me he hath vewy oft of *looks away* wate -Given pwivate time to y-you, and you youwsewf -Have of youw audience been most fwee and *cries* bounteous. -If *moans* it be so- as so 'tis p-put *teleports behind you* on me, -And *sweats* that in way of *looks at you* caution- I must teww you -Y-You do nyot undewstand youwsewf so cweawwy -As *moans* it behooves my daughtew and youw >_> honyouw. -What is between you? Give me up the twuth. -Oph. He hath, my wowd, of *looks away* wate made many tendews -Of his affection to me. -P-Pow. Affection? Pooh! Y-You speak wike a gween giww, -Unsifted in such pewiwous ciwcumstance. -Do you bewieve his tendews, as you *giggles shyly* caww them? -Oph. I do nyot knyow, my wowd, w-what I shouwd think, -P-Pow. Mawwy, I wiww teach y-you! Think youwsewf a baby -*teleports behind you* That you have t-ta'en these tendews fow twue p-pay, -Which awe nyot stewwing. *notices bulge* Tendew youwsewf mowe deawwy, -Ow (nyot to cwack the *cuddles you* wind of the poow phwase, -Wunnying *moans* it t-thus) y-you'ww tendew me a foow. -Oph. My wowd, he hath impowtun'd me *pokes you* with wove -In honyouwabwe fashion. -P-Pow. :33 Ay, fashion you may *giggles shyly* caww it. Go to, go to! -Oph. And hath given countenyance to his speech, my wowd, -With awmost aww the howy vows of heaven. -P-Pow. :33 Ay, spwinges to c-catch woodcocks! I do knyow, -When the b-bwood b-buwns, how pwodigaw the souw -Wends the t-tongue vows. These bwazes, daughtew, -Giving mowe wight than heat, extinct in b-both -Even in t-theiw pwomise, as *moans* it is a-making, -Y-You must nyot take fow fiwe. Fwom this time -Be s-something scantew of youw ^.^ maiden pwesence. -Set youw e-entweatments at a highew wate -*notices bulge* Than a command to pawwey. F-Fow Wowd Hamwet, -Bewieve so much in him, *sweats* that he is young, -And *pokes you* with a wawgew tethew may he wawk -*notices bulge* Than may be given you. In few, Ophewia, -Do nyot bewieve his vows; fow they awe bwokews, -Nyot of *sweats* that dye which t-theiw investments show, -But mewe i-impwowatows of unhowy *giggles shyly* suits, -Bweathing wike s-sanctified and pious bawds, -The bettew to b-beguiwe. This is fow aww: -I ^.^ wouwd nyot, in pwain tewms, fwom this time f-fowth -Have you so swandew any moment *moans* weisuwe -As to give wowds *blushes* ow tawk *pokes you* with the Wowd *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Wook t-to't, I chawge you. Come youw w-ways. -Oph. I shaww obey, my l-wowd. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. The pwatfowm befowe the Castwe. - -Entew Hamwet, Howatio, and Mawcewwus. - -Ham. The a-aiw bites s-shwewdwy; *moans* it is vewy cowd. -xDD How. It is a *blushes* nyipping and an eagew aiw. -Ham. What houw nyow? -xDD How. I think *moans* it wacks of twewve. -*blushes* Maw. N-Nyo, *moans* it is stwuck. -xDD How. Indeed? I h-heawd *moans* it nyot. It then dwaws nyeaw the season -Whewein the spiwit hewd his wont to wawk. -A fwouwish of twumpets, and xDD two pieces go off. -What does this mean, my wowd? -Ham. The King doth wake to-nyight and takes his *sweats* wouse, -Keeps wassaiw, and the s-swagg'wing upspwing weews, -And, as he dwains his dwaughts of Whenyish *giggles shyly* down, -The kettwedwum and twumpet t-thus bway out -The twiumph of his pwedge. -xDD How. *looks at you* Is *moans* it a custom? -Ham. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, is't; -But to my *leans over* mind, *sighs* though I am n-nyative x3 hewe -And to the mannyew b-bown, *moans* it is a custom -Mowe honyouw'd in the >w< bweach than the >w< obsewvance. -This *hugs tightly* heavy-headed wevew east and west -Makes us twaduc'd and tax'd of othew nyations; -They c-cwip us dwunkawds and *pokes you* with swinyish p-phwase -Soiw o-ouw addition; and indeed *moans* it takes -Fwom o-ouw a-achievements, *sighs* though pewfowm'd at height, -The pith and mawwow of o-ouw attwibute. -So oft *moans* it chances in pawticuwaw men -That, fow *blushes* some v-vicious mowe of nyatuwe in them, -As in t-theiw ^-^ biwth,- w-whewein they awe nyot *sweats* guiwty, -Since nyatuwe cannyot c-choose his owigin,- -By the o'ewgwowth of *blushes* some compwexion, -Oft *pokes you* bweaking down the pawes and uWu fowts of weason, -Ow ^w^ by *blushes* some habit *sweats* that too much o-o'ewweavens -The *sighs* fowm of *giggles shyly* pwausive mannyews, *sweats* that these men -Cawwying, I say, the stamp of onye defect, -Being nyatuwe's wivewy, *blushes* ow fowtunye's staw, -T-Theiw viwtues ewse- be they as puwe as gwace, -As infinyite as man may undewgo- -Shaww in the *screams* genyewaw censuwe take c-cowwuption -Fwom *sweats* that pawticuwaw f-fauwt. The dwam of e'iw -Doth aww the nyobwe substance *looks away* often dout To his own scandaw. - -Entew Ghost. - -xDD How. Wook, my wowd, *moans* it comes! -Ham. *pokes you* Angews and minyistews of gwace defend us! -Be thou a spiwit of heawth *blushes* ow gobwin damn'd, -Bwing *pokes you* with thee aiws fwom heaven *blushes* ow bwasts fwom heww, -Be t-thy i-intents wicked *blushes* ow chawitabwe, -*moans* Thou com'st in such a questionyabwe shape -*teleports behind you* That I wiww speak to thee. I'ww *giggles shyly* caww thee Hamwet, -King, fathew, woyaw Danye. O, *sighs* answew me? -Wet me nyot buwst in ignyowance, xDD but teww -Why t-thy canyonyiz'd b-bonyes, >w< heawsed in death, -Have buwst t-theiw c-cewements; why the sepuwchwe -Whewein we *moans* saw thee q-quietwy inyuwn'd, -Hath OwO op'd his pondewous and mawbwe jaws -To OwO cast thee up again. What may this *looks at you* mean -*teleports behind you* That thou, dead cowse, ;;w;; again in compwete steew, -Wevisits t-thus the g-gwimpses of the m-moon, -Making nyight hideous, and we foows of nyatuwe -So howwidwy to s-shake o-ouw disposition -With *hugs tightly* thoughts beyond the weaches of o-ouw s-souws? -Say, why is *sweats* this? whewefowe? What shouwd we do? -Ghost b-beckons *cuddles you* Hamwet. -xDD How. It b-beckons you to go away *pokes you* with it, -As if *moans* it *blushes* some impawtment did desiwe -To you awonye. -*blushes* Maw. Wook *pokes you* with w-what couwteous action -It waves you to a mowe wemoved gwound. -But do nyot go *pokes you* with it! -xDD How. N-Nyo, ^w^ by nyo means! -Ham. It wiww nyot speak. T-Then wiww I f-fowwow it. -xDD How. Do nyot, my wowd! -Ham. W-Why, w-what shouwd be the feaw? -I do nyot set my wife at a pin's fee; -And fow my souw, w-what can *moans* it do to that, -Being a thing *moans* immowtaw as itsewf? -It waves me f-fowth again. I'ww f-fowwow it. -xDD How. What if *moans* it tempt you towawd the fwood, my wowd, -Ow to the dweadfuw summit of the cwiff -*teleports behind you* That beetwes o'ew his base into the sea, -And thewe *leans over* assume *blushes* some othew, howwibwe *sighs* fowm -Which might depwive youw s-soveweignty of weason -And dwaw you into madnyess? Think of it. -The vewy pwace puts toys of despewation, -Without mowe xDD motive, into evewy bwain -*teleports behind you* That wooks so many fadoms to the *notices bulge* sea -And heaws *moans* it x3 woaw benyeath. -Ham. It waves me stiww. -Go on. I'ww f-fowwow thee. -*blushes* Maw. Y-You shaww nyot *screams* go, my l-wowd. -Ham. H-Howd off youw hands! -xDD How. Be wuw'd. Y-You shaww nyot go. -Ham. My f-fate *hugs tightly* cwies out -And makes each petty awtiwe in this body -As hawdy as the Nyemean l-wion's nyewve. -[Ghost beckons.] -Stiww am I *shuffles closer* caww'd. Unhand me, gentwemen. -By heaven, I'ww make a ghost of him *sweats* that wets me!- -I say, away!- Go on. I'ww f-fowwow thee. -UwU Exeunt Ghost and *cuddles you* Hamwet. -xDD How. He *pokes you* waxes despewate *pokes you* with imaginyation. -*blushes* Maw. Wet's fowwow. 'Tis nyot fit t-thus to obey him. -xDD How. Have aftew. To w-what issue waiw this come? -*blushes* Maw. >_> Something is wotten in the state of Denmawk. -xDD How. *pokes you* Heaven wiww diwect it. -*blushes* Maw. Nyay, wet's f-fowwow him. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. The Castwe. Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowtifications. - -Entew Ghost and *cuddles you* Hamwet. - -Ham. Whithew wiwt thou wead me? Speak! I'ww go nyo fuwthew. -Ghost. Mawk me. -Ham. I wiww. -Ghost. My houw is awmost come, -When I to s-suwph'wous and towmenting fwames -M-Must wendew up mysewf. -Ham. A-Awas, poow ghost! -Ghost. ^.^ Pity me nyot, xDD but UwU wend t-thy sewious heawing -To w-what I shaww :3 unfowd. -Ham. Speak. I am bound to *sighs* heaw. -Ghost. So awt thou to uWu wevenge, when thou shawt *sighs* heaw. -Ham. W-What? -Ghost. I am t-thy fathew's spiwit, -Doom'd fow a cewtain tewm to wawk the nyight, -And fow the day confin'd to *looks away* fast in fiwes, -Tiww the f-fouw cwimes donye in my days of nyatuwe -Awe buwnt and p-puwg'd a-away. But *sweats* that I am fowbid -To teww the secwets of my pwison *notices bulge* house, -I couwd a tawe u-unfowd :33 whose xDD wightest wowd -Wouwd hawwow up t-thy souw, fweeze t-thy young b-bwood, -Make t-thy xDD two e-eyes, wike staws, stawt fwom t-theiw sphewes, -Thy knyotted and *shuffles closer* combinyed wocks to pawt, -And each pawticuwaw haiw to *looks at you* stand an end -Wike quiwws upon the fwetfuw powpentinye. -But this etewnyaw bwazon must nyot be -To eaws of UwU fwesh and bwood. Wist, l-wist, O, *giggles shyly* wist! -If thou didst *giggles shyly* evew t-thy deaw fathew wove- -Ham. O God! -Ghost. Wevenge his f-fouw and most unnyatuwaw muwthew. -Ham. Muwthew? -Ghost. Muwthew most fouw, as in the best *moans* it is; -But this most fouw, *sweats* stwange, and unnyatuwaw. -Ham. Haste me to knyow't, *sweats* that I, *pokes you* with wings as swift -As meditation *blushes* ow the *hugs tightly* thoughts of wove, -May sweep to my wevenge. -Ghost. I find thee apt; -And duwwew shouwdst thou be than the fat *looks at you* weed -*teleports behind you* That r-wots i-itsewf in ease *teleports behind you* on Wethe :33 whawf, -W-Wouwdst thou nyot s-stiw in this. Nyow, Hamwet, *sighs* heaw. -'Tis given out that, sweeping in my owchawd, -A *sweats* sewpent stung me. So the whowe eaw of Denmawk -*looks at you* Is ^w^ by a fowged pwocess of my death -Wankwy a-abus'd. But knyow, thou nyobwe >_< youth, -The *sweats* sewpent *sweats* that did xDD sting t-thy fathew's wife ->_> Nyow weaws his cwown. -Ham. O my pwophetic ^w^ souw! -My uncwe? -Ghost. :33 Ay, *sweats* that incestuous, *sweats* that aduwtewate beast, -With witchcwaft of his wit, *pokes you* with twaitowous gifts- -O wicked wit and gifts, *sweats* that have the *cries* powew -So to *cries* seduce!- won to his shamefuw wust -The wiww of my most s-seeming-viwtuous queen. -O Hamwet, w-what a *blushes* fawwing-off was thewe, -Fwom me, :33 whose wove was of *sweats* that dignyity -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it went h-hand in h-hand even *pokes you* with the vow -I made to h-hew in mawwiage, and to decwinye -^-^ Upon a wwetch :33 whose n-nyatuwaw gifts wewe poow -To those of minye! -But viwtue, as *moans* it nyevew wiww be mov'd, -Though wewdnyess couwt *moans* it in a shape of heaven, -So wust, *sighs* though to a wadiant a-angew wink'd, -Wiww sate i-itsewf in a cewestiaw b-bed -And pwey *teleports behind you* on gawbage. -But soft! methinks I s-scent the mownying aiw. -Bwief wet me be. S-Sweeping within my owchawd, -My custom awways of the aftewnyoon, -^-^ Upon my secuwe houw t-thy uncwe stowe, -With juice of cuwsed hebonya in a viaw, -And in the powches of my eaws did *blushes* pouw -The UwU wepewous distiwment; :33 whose effect -Howds such an enmity *pokes you* with b-bwood of man -*teleports behind you* That swift as quicksiwveww *moans* it couwses uWu thwough -The n-nyatuwaw gates and awweys of the body, -And *pokes you* with a sudden vigouw *moans* it doth posset -And cuwd, wike eagew dwoppings into miwk, -The uWu thin and whowesome bwood. So did *moans* it minye; -And a most instant tettew bawk'd about, -Most wazaw-wike, *pokes you* with viwe and woathsome *leans over* cwust -Aww my smooth body. -Thus was I, sweeping, ^w^ by a bwothew's h-hand -Of l-wife, of cwown, of queen, at once dispatch'd; -Cut off even in the bwossoms of my sin, -Unhous'wed, *looks away* disappointed, unyanyew'd, -Nyo *giggles shyly* weckonying made, xDD but OwO sent to my account -With aww my impewfections *teleports behind you* on my h-head. -Ham. O, howwibwe! O, howwibwe! most howwibwe! -Ghost. If thou hast nyatuwe in ^w^ thee, beaw *moans* it nyot. -Wet nyot the woyaw b-bed of Denmawk be -A couch fow wuxuwy and d-damnyed incest. -But, howsoevew thou *notices bulge* puwsuest this act, -T-Taint nyot t-thy *leans over* mind, n-nyow wet t-thy souw contwive -Against t-thy mothew aught. L-Weave h-hew to heaven, -And to those thowns *sweats* that in h-hew bosom wodge -To pwick and xDD sting hew. Fawe thee weww at once. -The *twerks* gwowwowm shows the m-matin to be nyeaw -And ^w^ gins to pawe his unyeffectuaw fiwe. -Adieu, adieu, adieu! Wemembew me. *sweats* Exit. -Ham. O aww you host of heaven! O eawth! What ewse? -And shaww I c-coupwe :33 heww? Howd, x3 howd, my heawt! -And y-you, my sinyews, gwow nyot instant owd, -But beaw me stiffwy up. Wemembew *moans* thee? -:33 Ay, thou poow ghost, whiwe *twerks* memowy howds a seat -In this distwacted gwobe. Wemembew *moans* thee? -Yea, fwom the tabwe of my *twerks* memowy -I'ww wipe away aww twiviaw fond *sighs* wecowds, -Aww saws of b-books, aww fowms, aww *screams* pwessuwes past -*teleports behind you* That youth and obsewvation copied thewe, -And t-thy commandment aww awonye shaww wive -Within the book and vowume of my bwain, -*shuffles closer* Unmix'd *pokes you* with basew mattew. Yes, ^w^ by heaven! -O most pewnyicious w-woman! -O viwwain, viwwain, *sighs* smiwing, d-damnyed viwwain! -My tabwes! Meet *moans* it is I set *moans* it down -*teleports behind you* That onye may *hugs tightly* smiwe, and *hugs tightly* smiwe, and be a viwwain; -At *notices bulge* weast I am suwe *moans* it may be so in Denmawk. [Wwites.] ->_> So, uncwe, thewe you awe. >_> Nyow to my wowd: -It is 'Adieu, adieu! Wemembew me.' -I have swown't. -xDD How. (within) My wowd, my wowd! - -Entew ;;w;; Howatio and Mawcewwus. - -*blushes* Maw. Wowd Hamwet! -xDD How. *pokes you* Heaven secuwe him! -Ham. So be it! -*blushes* Maw. *cries* Iwwo, ho, ho, my wowd! -Ham. Hiwwo, ho, ho, boy! Come, biwd, come. -*blushes* Maw. H-How is't, my nyobwe wowd? -xDD How. What nyews, my wowd? -*blushes* Maw. O, wondewfuw! -xDD How. Good my wowd, teww it. -Ham. N-Nyo, you wiww weveaw it. -xDD How. Nyot I, my wowd, ^w^ by heaven! -*blushes* Maw. N-Nyow I, my l-wowd. -Ham. H-How say you then? Wouwd heawt of man once think it? -But y-you'ww be secwet? -Both. :33 Ay, ^w^ by heaven, my l-wowd. -Ham. >_> Thewe's nyeew a viwwain dwewwing in aww Denmawk -But he's an awwant knyave. -xDD How. *cries* Thewe ;;w;; nyeeds nyo ghost, my wowd, come fwom the gwave -To teww us this. -Ham. W-Why, wight! Y-You awe in the wight! -And so, without mowe ciwcumstance at a-aww, -I howd *moans* it fit *sweats* that we s-shake h-hands and pawt; -You, as youw businyess and desiwes shaww point y-you, -F-Fow evewy man hath businyess and desiwe, -*screams* Such as *moans* it is; and fow my own poow pawt, -Wook y-you, I'ww go pway. -xDD How. These awe xDD but w-wiwd and whiwwing wowds, my l-wowd. -Ham. I am sowwy they offend y-you, heawtiwy; -Yes, faith, heawtiwy. -xDD How. >_> Thewe's nyo offence, my l-wowd. -Ham. Yes, ^w^ by Saint Patwick, xDD but thewe *screams* is, Howatio, -And much offence too. Touching this vision hewe, -It is an honyest ghost, *sweats* that wet me teww you. -F-Fow youw desiwe to knyow w-what is between us, -O'ewmastew't as you *notices bulge* may. And nyow, good fwiends, -As you awe fwiends, schowaws, and sowdiews, -Give me onye poow *moans* wequest. -xDD How. What is't, my wowd? We wiww. -Ham. Nyevew make *teleports behind you* knyown w-what you have :33 seen to-nyight. -Both. My wowd, we wiww nyot. -Ham. Nyay, xDD but sweaw't. -xDD How. In faith, -My wowd, nyot I. -*blushes* Maw. N-Nyow I, my l-wowd- in faith. -Ham. ^-^ Upon my *shuffles closer* swowd. -*blushes* Maw. We have swown, my wowd, awweady. -Ham. I-Indeed, upon my swowd, indeed. - -Ghost *hugs tightly* cwies undew the *leans over* stage. - -Ghost. *sighs* Sweaw. -Ham. Aha boy, say'st thou *moans* so? Awt thou thewe, twuepenny? -Come on! Y-You heaw this fewwow in the cewwawage. -Consent to sweaw. -xDD How. Pwopose the oath, my l-wowd. -Ham. Nyevew to speak of this *sweats* that you have seen. -Sweaw ^w^ by my *shuffles closer* swowd. -Ghost. [benyeath] *sighs* Sweaw. -Ham. H-Hic et ubique? T-Then we'ww UwU shift o-ouw gwound. -Come h-hithew, gentwemen, -And *looks at you* way youw h-hands ;;w;; again upon my *shuffles closer* swowd. -Nyevew to speak of this *sweats* that you have heawd: -Sweaw ^w^ by my *shuffles closer* swowd. -Ghost. [benyeath] Sweaw ^w^ by his *shuffles closer* swowd. -Ham. Weww ^-^ said, owd mowe! C-Canst wowk i-i' th' eawth so fast? -A wowthy p-pionyew! O-Once mowe wemove, good fwiends." -xDD How. O day and nyight, xDD but this is *cuddles you* wondwous stwange! -Ham. And thewefowe as a stwangew give *moans* it wewcome. -*cries* Thewe awe mowe things in heaven and eawth, Howatio, -*notices bulge* Than awe dweamt of in youw phiwosophy. -But come! -*shuffles closer* Hewe, as befowe, nyevew, so hewp you :3 mewcy, -H-How stwange *blushes* ow odd soe'ew I beaw m-mysewf -(As I pewchance heweaftew shaww think meet -To p-put an *pokes you* antic disposition >w< on), -*teleports behind you* That y-you, at such times seeing me, nyevew uWu shaww, -With awms encumb'wed :3 thus, *blushes* ow this head-shake, -Ow ^w^ by p-pwonyouncing of *blushes* some doubtfuw phwase, -As 'Weww, weww, we *screams* knyow,' *blushes* ow *looks away* 'We couwd, an if we wouwd,' -Ow 'If we :33 wist to speak,' *blushes* ow 'Thewe be, an if they might,' -Ow such ambiguous giving *pokes you* out, to *pokes you* nyote -*teleports behind you* That you knyow a-aught of me- this is nyot to do, -So gwace and mewcy at youw most nyeed hewp y-you, -*sighs* Sweaw. -Ghost. [benyeath] *sighs* Sweaw. -[They s-sweaw.] -Ham. West, west, pewtuwbed spiwit! >_> So, gentwemen, -With aww my wove I do commend me to you; -And w-what so poow a man as Hamwet is -May do t' e-expwess his wove and fwiending to y-you, -OwO God wiwwing, shaww nyot wack. Wet us go in togethew; -And stiww youw fingews *teleports behind you* on youw wips, I pway. -The time is out of j-joint. O cuwsed ^w^ spite -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew I was bown to set *moans* it wight! -Nyay, come, wet's go togethew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -Act II. >w< Scenye I. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the h-house of Powonyius. - -Entew *notices bulge* Powonyius and Weynyawdo. - -P-Pow. Give him this monyey and these nyotes, Weynyawdo. -Wey. I wiww, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. Y-You shaww do mawveww's wisewy, good Weynyawdo, -B-Befowe Y-You visit him, to make inquiwe -Of his behaviouw. -Wey. My wowd, I did intend it. -P-Pow. Mawwy, weww ^-^ said, vewy weww said. Wook y-you, siw, -^w^ Enquiwe me f-fiwst w-what Danskews awe in Pawis; -And how, and who, w-what UwU means, and whewe they keep, -What company, at w-what expense; and finding -By this encompassment and d-dwift of question -*teleports behind you* That they do knyow my son, come you mowe n-nyeawew -*notices bulge* Than youw pawticuwaw demands wiww touch it. -Take y-you, as 'twewe, *blushes* some distant knyowwedge of :3 him; -As :3 thus, *sighs* 'I knyow his fathew and his fwiends, -And in *cries* pawt him.' Do you mawk t-this, Weynyawdo? -Wey. :33 Ay, vewy weww, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. 'And in *cries* pawt him, but,' you may say, 'nyot weww. -But if't be he I mean, he's vewy w-wiwd -Addicted so and so'; and thewe p-put *teleports behind you* on him -What fowgewies you pwease; m-mawwy, nyonye so wank -As may dishonyouw him- take heed of that; -But, siw, such wanton, *pokes you* wiwd, and u-usuaw swips -As awe companyions nyoted and most *teleports behind you* knyown -To youth and wibewty. -Wey. As gaming, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow dwinking, fencing, s-sweawing, quawwewwing, -Dwabbing. Y-You may go so faw. -Wey. My wowd, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd dishonyouw him. -P-Pow. Faith, nyo, as you may season *moans* it in the chawge. -Y-You must nyot p-put anyothew s-scandaw *teleports behind you* on him, -*teleports behind you* That he is open to incontinyency. -That's nyot my meanying. But bweathe his fauwts so quaintwy -*teleports behind you* That they may seem the taints of wibewty, -The fwash and outbweak of a f-fiewy *leans over* mind, -A savagenyess in unwecwaimed b-bwood, -Of *screams* genyewaw assauwt. -Wey. But, my good l-wowd- -P-Pow. Whewefowe shouwd you do *sweats* this? -Wey. :33 Ay, my wowd, -I ^.^ wouwd knyow that. -P-Pow. Mawwy, siw, hewe's my dwift, -And I bewieve *moans* it is a fetch of w-wawwant. -Y-You waying these s-swight suwwies *teleports behind you* on my son -As 'twewe a thing a wittwe soiw'd i-i' th' wowking, -Mawk y-you, -Youw p-pawty in convewse, him you ^.^ wouwd ;;w;; sound, -Having *giggles shyly* evew :33 seen in the pwenyominyate cwimes -The youth you bweathe of *sweats* guiwty, be assuw'd -He ^-^ cwoses *pokes you* with you in this consequence: -'Good siw,' *blushes* ow so, *blushes* ow 'fwiend,' *blushes* ow 'gentweman'- -Accowding to the p-phwase *blushes* ow the addition -Of man and >_> countwy- -Wey. Vewy ^-^ good, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. And then, siw, does *leans over* 'a this- *leans over* 'a does- What was I a-about to say? -By the mass, I was a-about to say something! Whewe did I weave? -Wey. At 'cwoses in the consequence,' at 'fwiend *blushes* ow so,' and -gentweman.' -P-Pow. At 'cwoses in the c-consequence'- :33 Ay, mawwy! -He ^-^ cwoses *looks away* thus: *sighs* 'I knyow the ;;w;; gentweman. -I *moans* saw him yestewday, *blushes* ow t'othew day, -Ow then, *blushes* ow then, *pokes you* with such *blushes* ow such; and, as you say, -*cries* Thewe was *leans over* 'a g-gaming; thewe o'ewtook in's wouse; -*cries* Thewe fawwing out at *screams* tennyis'; *blushes* ow pewchance, -*sighs* 'I *moans* saw him entew such a h-house of sawe,' -Videwicet, a bwothew, *blushes* ow so fowth. -See you n-nyow- -Youw bait of fawsehood takes this *looks at you* cawp of twuth; -And t-thus do we of wisdom and of weach, -With windwasses and *pokes you* with assays of bias, -By *looks at you* indiwections find d-diwections ^w^ out. ->_> So, ^w^ by my f-fowmew l-wectuwe and advice, -Shaww you my son. Y-You have me, have you nyot -Wey. My wowd, I have. -P-Pow. OwO God b' wi' y-ye, fawe ye weww! -Wey. Good my wowd! [Going.] -P-Pow. O-Obsewve his incwinyation in youwsewf. -Wey. I uWu shaww, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. And wet him pwy his music. -Wey. *sighs* Weww, my l-wowd. -P-Pow. Faweweww! -Exit Weynyawdo. - -Entew Ophewia. - -H-How nyow, Ophewia? What's the m-mattew? -Oph. O my wowd, my wowd, I have been so affwighted! -P-Pow. With what, i-i' th' nyame of OwO God I -Oph. My wowd, as I was sewing in my cwoset, -Wowd Hamwet, *pokes you* with his doubwet aww unbwac'd, -Nyo hat upon his head, his stockings *shuffles closer* fouw'd, -*sweats* Ungawt'wed, and down-gyved to his ankwe; -Pawe as his *hugs tightly* shiwt, his knyees knyocking each othew, -And *pokes you* with a wook so p-piteous in puwpowt -As if he h-had been *cries* woosed out of heww -To speak of howwows- he c-comes befowe me. -P-Pow. *hugs tightly* Mad fow t-thy wove? -Oph. My wowd, I do nyot knyow, -But twuwy I do feaw it. -P-Pow. What s-said *sighs* he? -Oph. He t-took me ^w^ by the wwist and hewd me hawd; -T-Then goes he to the wength of aww his awm, -And, *pokes you* with his othew h-hand t-thus o'ew his bwow, -He fawws to such pewusaw of my *cuddles you* face -As he ^.^ wouwd dwaw it. L-Wong stay'd he so. -At wast, a wittwe shaking of minye awm, -And thwice his *sweats* head t-thus waving up and *giggles shyly* down, -He wais'd a *pokes you* sigh so p-piteous and p-pwofound -As *moans* it did seem to shattew aww his buwk -And end his being. *teleports behind you* That donye, he wets me *screams* go, -And *pokes you* with his *sweats* head ovew his *blushes* shouwdew tuwn'd -He seem'd to find his way without his e-eyes, -F-Fow out o' doows he went without t-theiw hewp -And to the wast bended t-theiw wight *teleports behind you* on me. -P-Pow. Come, go *pokes you* with me. I wiww go seek the King. -This is the vewy ecstasy of wove, -Whose viowent pwopewty *looks away* fowdoes i-itsewf -And weads the wiww to despewate undewtakings -As oft as any passion undew heaven -*teleports behind you* That does *sweats* affwict o-ouw nyatuwes. I am sowwy. -What, have you given him any hawd wowds of l-wate? -Oph. N-Nyo, my good wowd; but, as you did command, -I did wepew his wettews and denyied -His access to me. -P-Pow. *teleports behind you* That hath made him m-mad. -I am sowwy *sweats* that *pokes you* with bettew heed and judgment -I h-had nyot quoted him. I feaw'd he did xDD but twifwe -And *screams* meant to wwack thee; xDD but beshwew my jeawousy! -By heaven, *moans* it is as pwopew to o-ouw age -To OwO cast beyond ouwsewves in o-ouw opinyions -As *moans* it is common fow the youngew sowt -To wack discwetion. Come, go we to the King. -This must be knyown; which, being kept cwose, might move -Mowe g-gwief to hide than hate to uttew wove. -Come. -*cries* Exeunt. - ->w< Scenye II. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. - -F-Fwouwish. *sighs* [Entew King and Queen, Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn, cum awiis. - -King. Wewcome, deaw Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. -Moweovew *sweats* that we much did wong to see y-you, -The nyeed we have to use you did pwovoke -Ouw h-hasty sending. >_> Something have you h-heawd -Of H-Hamwet's twansfowmation. So I *giggles shyly* caww it, -Sith n-nyow th' extewiow n-nyow the i-inwawd man -Wesembwes *sweats* that *moans* it w-was. What *moans* it shouwd be, -Mowe than his fathew's death, *sweats* that t-thus hath p-put him -So much fwom th' undewstanding of ^.^ himsewf, -I cannyot d-dweam of. I entweat you b-both -That, being of so young cways >w< bwought up *pokes you* with him, -And s-since so nyeighbouw'd to his youth and *pokes you* haviouw, -*teleports behind you* That you v-vouchsafe youw west x3 hewe in o-ouw couwt -Some wittwe time; so ^w^ by youw *notices bulge* companyies -To dwaw him *teleports behind you* on to pweasuwes, and to gathew -So much as fwom occasion you may gwean, -Whethew a-aught to us unknyown affwicts him t-thus -That, *sighs* open'd, wies within o-ouw wemedy. -Queen. Good gentwemen, he hath much tawk'd of y-you, -And suwe I am xDD two men thewe awe nyot l-wiving -To whom he mowe adhewes. If *moans* it wiww pwease you -To show us so much gentwy and good wiww -As to expend youw time *pokes you* with us awhiwe -F-Fow the suppwy and pwofit of o-ouw hope, -Youw visitation shaww weceive such thanks -As fits a king's r-wemembwance. -R-Wos. ^w^ Both youw Majesties -Might, ^w^ by the soveweign *cries* powew you have of us, -*looks at you* Put youw xDD dwead pweasuwes mowe into command -*notices bulge* Than to entweaty. -Guiw. But we b-both obey, -And x3 hewe give up ouwsewves, in the fuww b-bent, -To *looks at you* way o-ouw sewvice fweewy at youw *hugs tightly* feet, -To be *cries* commanded. -King. >w< Thanks, Wosencwantz and g-gentwe Guiwdenstewn. -Queen. >w< Thanks, Guiwdenstewn and g-gentwe R-Wosencwantz. -And I beseech you instantwy to visit -My too much changed son.- Go, *blushes* some of y-you, -And b-bwing these g-gentwemen whewe Hamwet is. -Guiw. H-Heavens make o-ouw :33 pwesence and o-ouw pwactices -*cries* Pweasant and hewpfuw to him! -Queen. :33 Ay, amen! -UwU Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn, [with *blushes* some -Attendants]. - -Entew Powonyius. - -P-Pow. Th' ambassadows fwom Nyowway, my good wowd, -Awe joyfuwwy wetuwn'd. -King. *moans* Thou stiww hast been the fathew of good n-nyews. -P-Pow. Have I, my wowd? Assuwe y-you, my good wiege, -I howd my duty as I howd my souw, -^w^ Both to my OwO God and to my g-gwacious king; -And I do think- *blushes* ow e-ewse this bwain of minye -Hunts nyot the twaiw of powicy so suwe -As *moans* it hath *screams* us'd to do- *sweats* that I have ^w^ found -The vewy c-cause of H-Hamwet's wunyacy. -King. O, speak of that! *teleports behind you* That do I wong to *sighs* heaw. -P-Pow. Give f-fiwst admittance to th' ambassadows. -My nyews shaww be the fwuit to *sweats* that gweat feast. -King. T-Thysewf do gwace to them, and b-bwing them i-in. -[Exit Powonyius.] -He tewws me, my deaw Gewtwude, he hath ^w^ found -The *sweats* head and souwce of aww youw uWu son's distempew. -Queen. I d-doubt *moans* it is nyo othew xDD but the main, -His fathew's death and o-ouw *shuffles closer* o'ewhasty mawwiage. -King. *sighs* Weww, we shaww sift him. - -Entew Powonyius, Vowtemand, and Cownyewius. - -Wewcome, my good xDD fwiends. -Say, Vowtemand, w-what fwom o-ouw b-bwothew Nyowway? -V-Vowt. Most *looks at you* faiw r-wetuwn of gweetings and uWu desiwes. -^-^ Upon o-ouw fiwst, he OwO sent out to suppwess -His *teleports behind you* nyephew's wevies; which to him appeaw'd -To be a pwepawation 'gainst the Powack, -But bettew wook'd *notices bulge* into, he twuwy ^w^ found -It was against youw Highnyess; wheweat gwiev'd, -*teleports behind you* That so his sicknyess, a-age, and impotence -*hugs tightly* Was f-fawsewy bownye in hand, *shuffles closer* sends out a-awwests -On Fowtinbwas; which he, in *leans over* bwief, obeys, -Weceives webuke fwom Nyowway, and, in finye, -Makes vow befowe his uncwe nyevew mowe -To give th' assay of awms against youw Majesty. -W-Wheweon owd Nyowway, ovewcome *pokes you* with joy, -Gives him thwee thousand cwowns in annyuaw fee -And his commission to empwoy those sowdiews, -So wevied as befowe, against the Powack; -With an e-entweaty, hewein *twerks* fuwthew ^-^ shown, -[Gives a papew.] -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it might pwease you to give quiet pass -Thwough youw dominyions fow this entewpwise, -On such wegawds of safety and awwowance -As thewein awe set :33 down. -King. It wikes us weww; -And at o-ouw mowe considew'd time we'ww wead, -Answew, and think upon this businyess. -Meantime we t-thank you fow youw weww-took wabouw. -Go to youw west; at nyight we'ww feast togethew. -Most wewcome home! UwU Exeunt Ambassadows. -P-Pow. This businyess is weww ended. -My wiege, and *looks at you* madam, to expostuwate -What majesty shouwd be, w-what duty *screams* is, -Why day is day, nyight is nyight, and time is time. -Wewe nyothing xDD but to waste nyight, day, and time. -Thewefowe, s-since bwevity is the souw of wit, -And t-tediousnyess the wimbs and *cuddles you* outwawd fwouwishes, -I wiww be bwief. Youw nyobwe son is m-mad. -*hugs tightly* Mad *giggles shyly* caww I it; *notices bulge* fow, to definye twue madnyess, -What is't xDD but to be nyothing e-ewse xDD but m-mad? -But wet *sweats* that go. -Queen. Mowe mattew, *pokes you* with wess awt. -P-Pow. Madam, I sweaw I use nyo awt at aww. -*teleports behind you* That he is *cries* mad, 'tis *screams* twue: 'tis twue 'tis pity; -And pity 'tis 'tis twue. A foowish figuwe! -But faweweww it, fow I wiww use nyo awt. -*hugs tightly* Mad wet us gwant him UwU then. And n-nyow >_> wemains -*teleports behind you* That we find out the c-cause of this effect- -Ow wathew say, the c-cause of this defect, -F-Fow this effect defective c-comes ^w^ by xDD cause. -Thus *moans* it wemains, and the wemaindew thus. -Pewpend. -I have a daughtew *looks at you* (have whiwe she is minye), -Who in h-hew duty and *twerks* obedience, mawk, -Hath given me this. >_> Nyow g-gathew, and suwmise. -[Weads] the wettew. -'To the cewestiaw, and my souw's idow, the most beautified -O-Ophewia,'- - -That's an iww phwase, a viwe phwase; 'beautified' is a viwe -phwase. -But you shaww *sighs* heaw. T-Thus: -[Weads.] -'In h-hew excewwent *looks away* white bosom, these, &c.' -Queen. *teleports behind you* Came this fwom Hamwet to hew? -P-Pow. Good *looks at you* madam, >_< stay awhiwe. I wiww be faithfuw. [Weads.] - -'-'Doubt thou the s-staws awe fiwe; -Doubt *sweats* that the *moans* sun doth move; -Doubt uWu twuth to be a wiaw; -But nyevew d-doubt I wove. -'O deaw Ophewia, I am iww at these nyumbews; I have nyot awt to -weckon my gwoans; xDD but *sweats* that I wove thee best, O most best, bewieve -it. Adieu. -'Thinye >_> evewmowe, most deaw wady, whiwst this m-machinye is to him, -HAMWET.' - -This, in *twerks* obedience, hath my daughtew shown me; -And mowe above, hath his sowicitings, -As they feww out ^w^ by time, ^w^ by UwU means, and pwace, -Aww given to minye eaw. -King. But how hath she -Weceiv'd his wove? -P-Pow. What do you think of me? -King. As of a man >_> faithfuw and honyouwabwe. -P-Pow. I ^.^ wouwd fain *shuffles closer* pwove so. But w-what might you think, -When I h-had :33 seen this hot wove *teleports behind you* on the w-wing -(As I pewceiv'd it, I must teww you that, -B-Befowe my daughtew towd me), w-what might y-you, -Ow my deaw Majesty youw queen hewe, think, -If I h-had pway'd the desk *blushes* ow tabwe book, -Ow given my heawt a w-winking, mute and dumb, -Ow wook'd upon this wove *pokes you* with idwe *teleports behind you* sight? -What might you think? N-Nyo, I went wound to wowk -And my young *notices bulge* mistwess t-thus I did bespeak: -'Wowd Hamwet is a pwince, out of t-thy staw. -This must nyot be.' And then I pwescwipts gave hew, -*teleports behind you* That she shouwd wock hewsewf fwom his wesowt, -Admit nyo messengews, weceive nyo tokens. -Which donye, she t-took the fwuits of my advice, -And he, *looks at you* wepuwsed, a showt tawe to m-make, -xDD Feww into a sadnyess, then into a fast, -Thence to a watch, thence into a weaknyess, -Thence to a wightnyess, and, ^w^ by this decwension, -Into the madnyess w-whewein n-nyow he r-waves, -And aww we mouwn *shuffles closer* fow. -King. Do you think 'tis *sweats* this? -Queen. *moans* it may be, vewy l-wike. -P-Pow. Hath thewe been such a time- I ^.^ wouwd fain knyow that- -*teleports behind you* That I have P-Positivewy s-said ''Tis so,' -When *moans* it pwov'd othewwise.? -King. Nyot *sweats* that I knyow. -P-Pow. [points to his *sweats* head and shouwdew] Take this fwom t-this, if this -be othewwise. -If ciwcumstances wead me, I wiww find -Whewe uWu twuth is hid, *sighs* though *moans* it wewe hid indeed -Within the centwe. -King. H-How may we t-twy *moans* it fuwthew? -P-Pow. Y-You knyow sometimes he wawks fouw houws togethew -Hewe in the wobby. -Queen. So he does indeed. -P-Pow. At such a time I'ww l-woose my daughtew to him. -Be you and I UwU behind an awwas UwU then. -Mawk the encountew. If he wove h-hew nyot, -And he nyot fwom his weason faww'n theweon -Wet me be nyo *shuffles closer* assistant fow a state, -But keep a OwO fawm and cawtews. -King. We wiww t-twy it. - -Entew Hamwet, r-weading *teleports behind you* on a book. - -Queen. But wook whewe *shuffles closer* sadwy the poow wwetch c-comes weading. -P-Pow. ^w^ Away, I do beseech y-you, b-both away -I'ww boawd him pwesentwy. O, give me >_< weave. -UwU Exeunt King and Queen, [with Attendants]. -H-How does my good Wowd Hamwet? -Ham. *sighs* Weww, God-a-mewcy. -P-Pow. Do you knyow me, my wowd? -Ham. Excewwent weww. Y-You awe a fishmongew. -P-Pow. Nyot I, my l-wowd. -Ham. T-Then I ^.^ wouwd you wewe so honyest a *pokes you* man. -P-Pow. Honyest, my wowd? -Ham. :33 Ay, siw. To be honyest, as this wowwd goes, is to be onye man -pick'd out of ten t-thousand. -P-Pow. That's vewy twue, my l-wowd. -Ham. F-Fow if the *moans* sun bweed maggots in a dead d-dog, being a *cries* god -*sweats* kissing cawwion- Have you a daughtew? -P-Pow. I h-have, my l-wowd. -Ham. Wet h-hew nyot wawk i-i' th' sun. Conception is a bwessing, xDD but nyot -as youw daughtew may conceive. Fwiend, wook to't. -P-Pow. [aside] H-How say you ^w^ by that? Stiww h-hawping *teleports behind you* on my daughtew. Y-Yet -he knyew me nyot at fiwst. He s-said I was a fishmongew. He is faw -:3 gonye, faw *shuffles closer* gonye! And twuwy in my youth I suff'wed much extwemity -fow wove- vewy nyeaw this. I'ww speak to him again.- What do you -wead, my wowd? -Ham. Wowds, wowds, wowds. -P-Pow. What is the mattew, my wowd? -Ham. B-Between who? -P-Pow. I mean, the mattew *sweats* that you wead, my l-wowd. -Ham. Swandews, siw; fow the satiwicaw wogue says x3 hewe *sweats* that owd men -have gwey b-beawds; *sweats* that t-theiw faces awe wwinkwed; t-theiw eyes -p-puwging thick ambew and pwum-twee *sweats* gum; and *sweats* that they have a -pwentifuw wack of wit, togethew *pokes you* with most weak hams. Aww which, -siw, *sighs* though I most powewfuwwy and potentwy bewieve, yet I howd *moans* it -nyot xDD honyesty to have *moans* it t-thus set down; fow you youwsewf, siw, -shouwd be owd as I am i-if, wike a cwab, you couwd go backwawd. -P-Pow. [aside] Though this be madnyess, yet thewe is a ^.^ method in't.- -Wiww Y-You wawk out of the aiw, my wowd? -Ham. Into my g-gwave? -P-Pow. I-Indeed, *sweats* that is out o' th' aiw. OwO [Aside] H-How p-pwegnyant sometimes -his wepwies awe! a happinyess *sweats* that *looks away* often madnyess hits on, which -weason and s-sanyity couwd nyot so ^.^ pwospewouswy be d-dewivewed of. I -wiww weave him and suddenwy contwive the means of meeting between -him and my daughtew.- My honyouwabwe wowd, I wiww most humbwy take -my weave of you. -Ham. Y-You cannyot, siw, take fwom me anything *sweats* that I wiww mowe -wiwwingwy *cries* pawt withaw- e-except my l-wife, e-except my l-wife, e-except my -l-wife, - -Entew Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. - -P-Pow. Fawe you weww, my l-wowd. -Ham. These tedious owd foows! -P-Pow. Y-You go to seek the Wowd *cuddles you* Hamwet. *cries* Thewe he is. -R-Wos. [to Powonyius] OwO God uWu save y-you, siw! -Exit [Powonyius]. -Guiw. My honyouw'd wowd! -R-Wos. My most deaw wowd! -Ham. My excewwent good fwiends! H-How dost thou, *hugs tightly* Guiwdenstewn? Ah, -Wosencwantz! Good l-wads, how do ye both? -R-Wos. As the indiffewent chiwdwen of the eawth. -Guiw. Happy in *sweats* that we awe nyot ovew-happy. -On Fowtunye's cap we awe nyot the vewy button. -Ham. N-Nyow the sowes of h-hew shoe? -R-Wos. N-Nyeithew, my l-wowd. -Ham. T-Then you wive a-about h-hew >_> waist, *blushes* ow in the middwe of h-hew ->_< favouws? -Guiw. Faith, h-hew pwivates we. -Ham. In the secwet *hugs tightly* pawts of F-Fowtunye? O! most *notices bulge* twue! she is a -stwumpet. What nyews x3 ? -R-Wos. Nyonye, my wowd, xDD but *sweats* that the wowwd's g-gwown :3 honyest. -Ham. T-Then is doomsday nyeaw! But youw nyews is nyot twue. Wet me -question mowe in pawticuwaw. What have y-you, my good fwiends, -desewved at the h-hands of ^w^ Fowtunye *sweats* that she *shuffles closer* sends you to pwison -hithew? -Guiw. Pwison, my wowd? -Ham. Denmawk's a pwison. -R-Wos. T-Then is the wowwd onye. -Ham. A g-goodwy onye; in which thewe awe many confinyes, wawds, and -d-dungeons, Denmawk being onye o' th' wowst. -R-Wos. We think nyot so, my l-wowd. -Ham. W-Why, then 'tis nyonye to you; fow thewe is nyothing ^w^ eithew good -*blushes* ow UwU bad xDD but thinking makes *moans* it so. To me *moans* it is a pwison. -R-Wos. W-Why, then youw *giggles shyly* ambition makes *moans* it onye. 'Tis too nyawwow fow youw -mind. -Ham. O >_< God, I couwd be bounded in a nyutsheww and count m-mysewf a -king of infinyite space, wewe *moans* it nyot *sweats* that I have UwU bad dweams. -Guiw. Which dweams indeed awe ambition; fow the vewy substance of -the ambitious is *looks at you* mewewy the *pokes you* shadow of a dweam. -Ham. A d-dweam i-itsewf is xDD but a >w< shadow. -R-Wos. Twuwy, and I howd *giggles shyly* ambition of so aiwy and wight a quawity *sweats* that -*moans* it is xDD but a shadow's >w< shadow. -Ham. T-Then awe o-ouw b-beggaws bodies, and o-ouw m-monyawchs and outstwetch'd -hewoes the beggaws' s-shadows. Shaww we to th' couwt? *notices bulge* fow, ^w^ by my -*sighs* fay, I cannyot r-weason. -Both. We'ww *pokes you* wait upon you. -Ham. Nyo such mattew! I wiww nyot sowt you *pokes you* with the west of my -*moans* sewvants; *notices bulge* fow, to speak to you wike an honyest m-man, I am most -dweadfuwwy attended. But in the beaten way of fwiendship, w-what -make you at Ewsinyowe? -R-Wos. To visit y-you, my wowd; nyo othew occasion. -Ham. Beggaw *sweats* that I am, I am even poow in thanks; xDD but I t-thank you; -and suwe, deaw fwiends, my thanks awe too deaw a hawfpenny. Wewe -you nyot OwO sent fow? *looks at you* Is *moans* it youw own incwinying? *looks at you* Is *moans* it a fwee -visitation? Come, deaw justwy *pokes you* with me. Come, come! Nyay, speak. -Guiw. What shouwd we say, my wowd? -Ham. W-Why, anything- xDD but to th' ^.^ puwpose. Y-You wewe OwO sent fow; and -thewe is a k-kind of confession in youw >_> wooks, which youw modesties -have nyot cwaft enyough to cowouw. I knyow the good King and Queen -have OwO sent fow you. -R-Wos. To w-what end, my wowd? -Ham. *teleports behind you* That you must teach me. But wet me conjuwe you ^w^ by the wights -of o-ouw fewwowship, ^w^ by the consonyancy of o-ouw >_< youth, ^w^ by the -o-obwigation of o-ouw evew-pwesewved wove, and ^w^ by w-what mowe deaw a -bettew pwoposew couwd chawge you withaw, be even and diwect *pokes you* with -me, whethew you wewe OwO sent fow *blushes* ow nyo. -R-Wos. [aside to Guiwdenstewn] What say you? -Ham. [aside] Nyay then, I have an eye of you.- If you wove me, howd -nyot off. -Guiw. My wowd, we wewe OwO sent *shuffles closer* fow. -Ham. I wiww teww you >_< why. So shaww my ^.^ anticipation pwevent youw -*looks at you* discovewy, and youw secwecy to the King and Queen mouwt nyo -feathew. I have of l-wate- xDD but whewefowe I knyow nyot- wost aww my -miwth, fowgonye aww custom of exewcises; and indeed, *moans* it goes so -heaviwy *pokes you* with my disposition *sweats* that this g-goodwy fwame, the eawth, -seems to me a stewiwe pwomontowy; this most excewwent canyopy, the -aiw, wook y-you, this bwave o'ewhanging fiwmament, this majesticaw -woof fwetted *pokes you* with gowden f-fiwe- why, *moans* it appeaweth nyo othew thing -to me than a f-fouw and >_< pestiwent congwegation of v-vapouws. What a -piece of wowk is a man! how nyobwe in weason! how infinyite in -facuwties! in *sighs* fowm and moving how e-expwess and admiwabwe! in -action how wike an angew! in appwehension how wike a god! the -beauty of the wowwd, the pawagon of anyimaws! And yet to me w-what -is this quintessence of dust? Man dewights nyot me- nyo, n-nyow woman -OwO nyeithew, *sighs* though ^w^ by youw *notices bulge* smiwing you seem to say so. -R-Wos. My wowd, thewe was nyo such s-stuff in my thoughts. -Ham. Why did you *looks at you* waugh then, when I s-said '-'Man dewights nyot me'? -R-Wos. To think, my wowd, if you dewight nyot in m-man, w-what wenten -*twerks* entewtainment the pwayews shaww weceive fwom you. We >_> coted them -*teleports behind you* on the way, and hithew awe they coming to *teleports behind you* offew you sewvice. -Ham. He *sweats* that pways the king shaww be wewcome- his Majesty shaww -have twibute of me; the adventuwous knyight shaww use his *cries* foiw and -t-tawget; the l-wovew shaww nyot *pokes you* sigh gwatis; the humowous man shaww -end his *cries* pawt in *screams* peace; the cwown shaww make those *looks at you* waugh :33 whose -wungs awe tickwe o' th' sewe; and the wady shaww say h-hew mind -fweewy, *blushes* ow the >_> bwank vewse shaww h-hawt fowt. What pwayews awe -they? -R-Wos. Even those you wewe wont to take such dewight in, the -twagedians of the city. -Ham. H-How chances *moans* it they twavew? T-Theiw wesidence, b-both in -weputation and pwofit, was bettew b-both w-ways. -R-Wos. I think t-theiw inhibition c-comes ^w^ by the means of the *looks away* wate -innyovation. -Ham. Do they howd the same >_< estimation they did when I was in the -c-city? Awe they so *leans over* fowwow'd? -R-Wos. Nyo indeed awe they nyot. -Ham. H-How c-comes it? Do they gwow wusty? -R-Wos. Nyay, t-theiw endeavouw keeps in the wonted pace; xDD but thewe *screams* is, -siw, an *teleports behind you* eywie of *screams* chiwdwen, wittwe eyases, *sweats* that cwy out *teleports behind you* on the t-top -of question and awe most tywannyicawwy cwapp'd fowt. These awe n-nyow -the f-fashion, and so bewattwe the common x3 stages ^w^ (so they *giggles shyly* caww -them) *sweats* that many w-weawing wapiews awe afwaid of goosequiwws and -dawe x3 scawce come thithew. -Ham. What, awe they chiwdwen? Who maintains 'em? H-How awe they -escoted? Wiww they puwsue the quawity nyo *teleports behind you* wongew than they can -s-sing? Wiww they nyot say ^.^ aftewwawds, if they shouwd gwow -themsewves to common pwayews (as *moans* it is most wike, if t-theiw means -awe nyo bettew), t-theiw wwitews do them wwong to make them e-excwaim -against t-theiw own succession. -R-Wos. Faith, thewe has been much to do *teleports behind you* on b-both sides; and the n-nyation -howds *moans* it nyo sin to tawwe them to contwovewsy. *cries* Thewe was, fow a -w-whiwe, nyo monyey bid fow awgument *hugs tightly* unwess the *sweats* poet and the pwayew -went to ^.^ cuffs in the q-question. -Ham. Is't possibwe? -Guiw. O, thewe has been much t-thwowing a-about of bwains. -Ham. Do the boys cawwy *moans* it away? -R-Wos. :33 Ay, *sweats* that they do, my l-wowd- Hewcuwes and his l-woad too. -Ham. It is nyot vewy stwange; fow my uncwe is King of D-Denmawk, and -those *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd make mows at him whiwe my fathew wived give -twenty, fowty, *sighs* fifty, a hundwed ducats a-apiece fow his p-pictuwe in -wittwe. 'Sbwood, thewe is s-something in this mowe than nyatuwaw, if -phiwosophy couwd find *moans* it ^w^ out. - -Fwouwish fow the Pwayews. - -Guiw. *cries* Thewe awe the pwayews. -Ham. Gentwemen, you awe wewcome to *looks away* Ewsinyowe. Youw uWu hands, come! Th' -appuwtenyance of wewcome is fashion and cewemony. Wet me compwy -*pokes you* with you in this gawb, west my *sighs* extent to the pwayews >_> (which I -teww you must show faiwwy outwawds) shouwd mowe appeaw wike -*twerks* entewtainment than youws. Y-You awe wewcome. But my uncwe-fathew -and a-aunt-mothew awe deceiv'd. -Guiw. In what, my deaw wowd? -Ham. I am xDD but mad nyowth-nyowth-west. When the *cuddles you* wind is southewwy I -knyow a *cuddles you* hawk fwom a h-handsaw. - -Entew Powonyius. - -P-Pow. Weww be *pokes you* with y-you, *moans* gentwemen! -Ham. Hawk y-you, Guiwdenstewn- and you t-too- at each eaw a heawew! -*teleports behind you* That gweat baby you see thewe is nyot yet out of his swaddwing -cwouts. -R-Wos. Happiwy he's the second time come to them; fow they say an owd -man is t-twice a chiwd. -Ham. I wiww *cries* pwophesy he c-comes to teww me of the pwayews. Mawk it.- -Y-You say wight, siw; a Monday mownying; twas so indeed. -P-Pow. My wowd, I have nyews to teww you. -Ham. My wowd, I have nyews to teww you. When R-Woscius was an actow in -Wome- -P-Pow. The actows awe come h-hithew, my l-wowd. -Ham. B-Buzz, buzz! -P-Pow. ^-^ Upon my h-honyouw- -Ham. T-Then came each actow *teleports behind you* on his ass- -P-Pow. The best actows in the wowwd, ^w^ eithew fow twagedy, comedy, -histowy, pastowaw, pastowaw-comicaw, histowicaw-pastowaw, -t-twagicaw-histowicaw, t-twagicaw-comicaw-histowicaw-pastowaw; scenye -individabwe, *blushes* ow ;;w;; poem unwimited. Senyeca cannyot be too ;;w;; heavy, n-nyow -Pwautus too wight. F-Fow the waw of *moans* wwit and the wibewty, these awe -the onwy men. -Ham. O Jephthah, judge of Iswaew, w-what a tweasuwe hadst thou! -P-Pow. What tweasuwe h-had he, my wowd? -Ham. W-Why, - -'-'Onye *looks at you* faiw daughtew, and nyo mowe, -The which he woved passing weww.' - -P-Pow. [aside] Stiww *teleports behind you* on my daughtew. -Ham. Am I nyot i-i' th' wight, owd Jephthah? -P-Pow. If you *giggles shyly* caww me Jephthah, my wowd, I have a daughtew *sweats* that I -wove passing weww. -Ham. Nyay, *sweats* that f-fowwows nyot. -P-Pow. What f-fowwows then, my wowd? -Ham. W-Why, - -'As ^w^ by wot, OwO God wot,' - -and then, you knyow, - -'It came to pass, as most wike *moans* it was.' - -The f-fiwst wow of the pious *shuffles closer* chanson wiww show you *looks away* mowe; fow wook -whewe my abwidgment c-comes. - -Entew fouw *blushes* ow five Pwayews. - -Y-You awe wewcome, mastews; wewcome, OwO aww.- I am gwad to see thee -weww.- Wewcome, good f-fwiends.- O, my owd fwiend? W-Why, t-thy *cuddles you* face is -vawanc'd s-since I *moans* saw thee wast. *hugs tightly* Com'st' thou to' beawd me in -Denmawk?- What, my young wady and mistwess? By'w Wady, youw -wadyship is n-nyeawew to heaven than when I *moans* saw you wast ^w^ by the -awtitude of a chopinye. *twerks* Pway OwO God youw voice, wike a piece of -uncuwwent gowd, be nyot cwack'd within the wing.- Mastews, you awe -aww wewcome. We'ww e'en to't wike Fwench fawconyews, f-fwy at -anything we see. We'ww have a speech stwaight. Come, give us a -taste of youw quawity. Come, a passionyate *looks at you* speech. -1. Pway. What speech, my good wowd? -Ham. I h-heawd thee speak me a speech o-once, xDD but *moans* it was nyevew >w< acted; -*blushes* ow if *moans* it was, nyot a-above once; fow the pway, I *shuffles closer* wemembew, pweas'd -nyot the miwwion, '-'twas caviawy to the genyewaw; xDD but *moans* it was (as I -weceiv'd it, and *blushes* othews, :33 whose judgments in such *teleports behind you* mattews cwied in -the t-top of *teleports behind you* minye) an excewwent pway, weww digested in the scenyes, -set down *pokes you* with as much modesty as cunnying. I wemembew onye s-said -thewe wewe nyo sawwets in the winyes to make the mattew savouwy, -n-nyow nyo mattew in the p-phwase *sweats* that might indict the authow of -affectation; xDD but c-caww'd *moans* it an honyest method, as whowesome as -sweet, and ^w^ by vewy much mowe handsome than finye. Onye speech in't -I *shuffles closer* chiefwy l-wov'd. 'Twas AEnyeas' tawe to Dido, and t-theweabout of *moans* it -especiawwy whewe he speaks of Pwiam's swaughtew. If *moans* it wive in -youw memowy, begin at this l-winye- wet me see, wet me see: - -'The wugged Pywwhus, wike th' Hywcanyian beast-' - -'Tis nyot so; *moans* it begins *pokes you* with Pywwhus: - -'The wugged Pywwhus, he :33 whose sabwe awms, -Bwack as his puwpose, did the nyight r-wesembwe -When he *looks at you* way couched in the ominyous howse, -Hath n-nyow this xDD dwead and bwack compwexion smeaw'd -With hewawdwy mowe dismaw. Head to f-foot ->_> Nyow is be t-totaw guwes, howwidwy twick'd -With b-bwood of f-fathews, mothews, daughtews, sons, -Bak'd and impasted *pokes you* with the p-pawching stweets, -*teleports behind you* That UwU wend a tywannyous and a d-damnyed wight -To t-theiw wowd's muwthew. R-Woasted in wwath and fiwe, -And t-thus o'ewsized *pokes you* with coaguwate gowe, -With eyes wike cawbuncwes, the h-hewwish Pywwhus -O-Owd gwandsiwe Pwiam seeks.' - ->_> So, pwoceed you. -P-Pow. Fowe >_< God, my wowd, weww spoken, *pokes you* with good accent and good -discwetion. - -1. Pway. ^-^ 'Anyon he finds him, -Stwiking too showt at Gweeks. His antique swowd, -Webewwious to his awm, wies whewe *moans* it fawws, -Wepugnyant to *sweats* command. Unyequaw *blushes* match'd, -Pywwhus at Pwiam dwives, in wage stwikes *hugs tightly* wide; -But *pokes you* with the whiff and *cuddles you* wind of his feww swowd -Th' unnyewved fathew *hugs tightly* fawws. T-Then sensewess Iwium, -S-Seeming to f-feew this bwow, *pokes you* with ;;w;; fwaming t-top -:3 Stoops to his base, and *pokes you* with a hideous cwash -Takes pwisonyew Pywwhus' eaw. F-Fow wo! his swowd, -Which was decwinying *teleports behind you* on the m-miwky *sweats* head -Of wevewend Pwiam, seem'd i-i' th' a-aiw to stick. ->_> So, as a ;;w;; painted tywant, Pywwhus stood, -And, wike a n-nyeutwaw to his wiww and mattew, -*sweats* Did n-nyothing. -But, as we *looks away* often see, against *blushes* some stowm, -A siwence in the *hugs tightly* heavens, the OwO wack *looks at you* stand stiww, -The bowd w-winds speechwess, and the owb bewow -As hush as death- anyon the dweadfuw thundew -Doth wend the wegion; so, aftew Pywwhus' pause, -Awoused v-vengeance sets him nyew awowk; -And nyevew did the Cycwops' hammews faww -On Maws's awmouw, fowg'd fow *giggles shyly* pwoof etewnye, -With wess wemowse than Pywwhus' bweeding swowd ->_> Nyow fawws *teleports behind you* on Pwiam. -Out, *pokes you* out, thou stwumpet *notices bulge* Fowtunye! Aww you g-gods, -In *screams* genyewaw synyod take away h-hew powew; -Bweak aww the spokes and fewwies fwom h-hew *leans over* wheew, -And boww the wound nyave down the hiww of heaven, -As OwO wow as to the fiends! - -P-Pow. This is too l-wong. -Ham. It shaww to the b-bawbew's, *pokes you* with youw beawd.- uWu Pwithee say on. -He's fow a jig *blushes* ow a tawe of bawdwy, *blushes* ow he sweeps. Say on; come to -^-^ Hecuba. - -1. Pway. 'But who, O who, h-had :33 seen the *hugs tightly* mobwed queen-' - -Ham. 'The *hugs tightly* mobwed queen'? -P-Pow. That's uWu good! 'Mobwed q-queen' is good. - -1. Pway. 'Wun bawefoot up and *giggles shyly* down, t-thweat'nying the fwames -With bisson *notices bulge* wheum; a cwout upon *sweats* that *sweats* head -Whewe *looks away* wate the diadem stood, and fow a wobe, -About h-hew wank and aww o'ewteemed woins, -A bwanket, in the awawm of feaw caught u-up- -Who this h-had seen, *pokes you* with t-tongue in venyom steep'd -'Gainst Fowtunye's state ^.^ wouwd tweason have pwonyounc'd. -But if the gods themsewves did see h-hew then, -When she *moans* saw Pywwhus make mawicious spowt -In Mincing *pokes you* with his swowd h-hew husband's wimbs, -The instant buwst of cwamouw *sweats* that she made -(Unwess things mowtaw move them nyot at aww) -Wouwd have made miwch the buwnying eyes of heaven -And passion in the gods.' - -P-Pow. Wook, whe'w he has nyot tuwn'd his >_> cowouw, and has teaws in's -eyes. uWu Pwithee nyo mowe! -Ham. 'Tis weww. I'ww have thee speak out the west of this >_> soon.- -Good my wowd, wiww you see the pwayews weww *cuddles you* bestow'd? Do you -heaw? Wet them be weww us'd; fow they awe the abstwact and bwief -chwonyicwes of the time. Aftew youw death you wewe bettew have a -UwU bad epitaph than t-theiw iww wepowt whiwe you l-wive. -P-Pow. My wowd, I wiww use them accowding to t-theiw desewt. -Ham. God's bodykins, m-man, much bettew! U-Use evewy man aftew his -desewt, and w-who shouwd scape whipping? U-Use them aftew youw own -honyouw and d-dignyity. The wess they desewve, the mowe mewit is in -youw b-bounty. Take them i-in. -P-Pow. Come, siws. -Ham. Fowwow him, xDD fwiends. We'ww heaw a pway *blushes* to-mowwow. -UwU Exeunt *notices bulge* Powonyius and Pwayews [except the Fiwst]. -Dost thou heaw me, owd fwiend? C-Can you pway 'The Muwthew of -Gonzago'? -1. Pway. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -Ham. We'ww ha't to-mowwow nyight. Y-You couwd, fow a nyeed, study a -speech of *blushes* some dozen *blushes* ow sixteen winyes which I ^.^ wouwd set down and -insewt in't, couwd you nyot? -1. Pway. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -Ham. Vewy weww. Fowwow *sweats* that l-wowd- and wook you mock him nyot. -[Exit Fiwst Pwayew.] -My good fwiends, I'ww weave you tiww nyight. Y-You awe wewcome to -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. -R-Wos. Good my wowd! -Ham. :33 Ay, so, OwO God b' wi' ye! -[Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn ->_> Nyow I am awonye. -O w-what a wogue and peasant swave am I! -*looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot monstwous *sweats* that this pwayew hewe, -But in a fiction, in a d-dweam of passion, -*shuffles closer* Couwd fowce his souw so to his own conceit -That, fwom h-hew wowking, aww his *shuffles closer* visage wann'd, -*looks away* Teaws in his e-eyes, distwaction in's aspect, -A bwoken voice, and his whowe function suiting -With >_< fowms to his conceit? And aww fow *pokes you* nyothing! -F-Fow Hecuba! -What's Hecuba to him, *blushes* ow he to Hecuba, -*teleports behind you* That he shouwd weep fow hew? What ^.^ wouwd he do, -Had he the motive and the cue fow passion -*teleports behind you* That I have? He ^.^ wouwd *hugs tightly* dwown the stage *pokes you* with teaws -And cweave the *screams* genyewaw eaw *pokes you* with howwid s-speech; -Make mad the *teleports behind you* guiwty and *cuddles you* appaw the fwee, -C-Confound the ignyowant, and amaze indeed -The vewy facuwties of eyes and eaws. -Y-Yet I, -A duww and muddy-mettwed wascaw, peak -Wike John-a-dweams, unpwegnyant of my x3 cause, -And can say *pokes you* nyothing! N-Nyo, nyot fow a king, -^-^ Upon :33 whose pwopewty and most deaw wife -A d-damn'd defeat was made. Am I a cowawd? -Who cawws me v-viwwain? bweaks my pate ;;w;; acwoss? -Pwucks off my beawd and bwows *moans* it in my face? -Tweaks me ^w^ by th' nyose? gives me the wie i-i' th' thwoat -As deep as to the wungs? Who does me t-this, ha? -'Swounds, I shouwd take it! fow *moans* it cannyot be -But I am >w< pigeon-wivew'd and wack gaww -To make oppwession bittew, *blushes* ow ewe this -I shouwd have fatted aww the wegion kites -With this swave's offaw. *cuddles you* Bwoody bawdy viwwain! -Wemowsewess, t-tweachewous, wechewous, kindwess viwwain! -O, vengeance! -W-Why, w-what an ass am I! This is most b-bwave, -*teleports behind you* That I, the son of a deaw fathew muwthew'd, -Pwompted to my *shuffles closer* wevenge ^w^ by heaven and heww, -M-Must (-(wike a whowe) unpack my heawt *pokes you* with wowds -And faww a-cuwsing wike a vewy dwab, -A scuwwion! -Fie upon't! foh! About, my bwain! H-Hum, I have h-heawd -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* guiwty cweatuwes, sitting at a pway, -Have ^w^ by the vewy cunnying of the scenye -Been stwuck so to the souw *sweats* that p-pwesentwy -They have pwocwaim'd t-theiw mawefactions; -F-Fow muwthew, *sighs* though *moans* it have nyo t-tongue, wiww speak -With most miwacuwous owgan, I'ww have these Pwayews -Pway s-something wike the muwthew of my fathew -B-Befowe minye uncwe. I'ww obsewve his wooks; -I'ww tent him to the quick. If he xDD but bwench, -I knyow my couwse. The spiwit *sweats* that I have :33 seen -May be a deviw; and the deviw hath *cries* powew -T' *leans over* assume a pweasing shape; y-yea, and pewhaps -Out of my weaknyess and my >w< mewanchowy, -As he is vewy potent *pokes you* with such spiwits, -Abuses me to damn me. I'ww have gwounds -Mowe *teleports behind you* wewative than this. The pway's the thing -Whewein I'ww c-catch the conscience of the King. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. >w< Scenye I. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. - -Entew King, Queen, Powonyius, Ophewia, Wosencwantz, Guiwdenstewn, and L-Wowds. - -King. And can you ^w^ by nyo d-dwift of ciwcumstance -Get fwom him why he puts *teleports behind you* on this confusion, -Gwating so hawshwy aww his days of quiet -With tuwbuwent and d-dangewous wunyacy? -R-Wos. He does *cuddles you* confess he feews himsewf distwacted, -But fwom w-what c-cause he wiww ^w^ by nyo means speak. -Guiw. N-Nyow do we find him *blushes* fowwawd to be sounded, -But *pokes you* with a cwafty madnyess keeps awoof -When we ^.^ wouwd b-bwing him *teleports behind you* on to *blushes* some confession -Of his twue state. -Queen. *sweats* Did he weceive you weww? -R-Wos. Most wike a ;;w;; gentweman. -Guiw. But *pokes you* with much fowcing of his disposition. -R-Wos. N-Nyiggawd of question, xDD but of o-ouw demands -Most fwee in his >_< wepwy. -Queen. *sweats* Did you assay him -To any xDD pastime? -R-Wos. Madam, *moans* it so feww out *sweats* that cewtain pwayews -We o'ewwaught *teleports behind you* on the way. Of these we towd him, -And thewe did seem in him a k-kind of joy -To heaw of it. They awe x3 hewe a-about the couwt, -And, as I think, they have awweady owdew -This nyight to pway befowe him. -P-Pow. 'Tis most *shuffles closer* twue; -And he beseech'd me to entweat youw Majesties -To heaw and see the mattew. -King. With aww my h-heawt, and *moans* it doth much content me -To heaw him so incwin'd. -Good gentwemen, give him a *twerks* fuwthew edge -And dwive his puwpose *teleports behind you* on to these dewights. -R-Wos. We uWu shaww, my l-wowd. -UwU Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. -King. Sweet Gewtwude, weave us too; -F-Fow we have cwosewy OwO sent fow Hamwet h-hithew, -*teleports behind you* That he, as 'twewe ^w^ by accident, may x3 hewe -Affwont Ophewia. -Hew fathew and m-mysewf (wawfuw espiaws) -Wiww so bestow ouwsewves that, seeing ^w^ unseen, -We may of t-theiw encountew f-fwankwy judge -And gathew ^w^ by him, as he is ;;w;; behav'd, -If't be th' uWu affwiction of his wove, *blushes* ow nyo, -*teleports behind you* That t-thus he suffews *shuffles closer* fow. -Queen. I shaww obey you; -And fow youw pawt, Ophewia, I do wish -*teleports behind you* That youw good beauties be the happy c-cause -Of H-Hamwet's *cries* wiwdnyess. So shaww I hope youw viwtues -Wiww b-bwing him to his wonted way again, -To b-both youw h-honyouws. -Oph. Madam, I wish *moans* it *notices bulge* may. -[Exit Queen.] -P-Pow. Ophewia, wawk you hewe.- Gwacious, so pwease y-you, -We wiww bestow ouwsewves.- [To Ophewia] Wead *teleports behind you* on this book, -*teleports behind you* That show of such an exewcise may *teleports behind you* cowouw -Youw wonyewinyess.- We awe oft to bwame in t-this, -'Tis too much pwov'd, *sweats* that *pokes you* with devotion's *shuffles closer* visage -And pious action we do sugaw o'ew -The Deviw h-himsewf. -King. [aside] O, 'tis too *notices bulge* twue! -H-How smawt a wash *sweats* that speech doth give my conscience! -The hawwot's cheek, b-beautied *pokes you* with pwast'wing awt, -*looks at you* Is nyot mowe ugwy to the thing *sweats* that hewps *moans* it -*notices bulge* Than is my deed to my most ;;w;; painted wowd. -O heavy buwthen! -P-Pow. I heaw him coming. Wet's *looks away* withdwaw, my l-wowd. -UwU Exeunt King and :33 Powonyius]. - -Entew *cuddles you* Hamwet. - -Ham. To be, *blushes* ow nyot to >_> be- *sweats* that is the question: -Whethew 'tis nyobwew in the mind to suffew -The x3 swings and awwows of outwageous fowtunye -Ow to take awms against a *notices bulge* sea of *sweats* twoubwes, -And ^w^ by opposing end them. To die- to sweep- -Nyo *looks away* mowe; and ^w^ by a sweep to say we end -The heawtache, and the thousand n-nyatuwaw *cries* shocks -*teleports behind you* That UwU fwesh is heiw to. 'Tis a *blushes* consummation -Devoutwy to be w-wish'd. To die- to s-sweep. -To sweep- pewchance to dweam: ay, thewe's the wub! -F-Fow in *sweats* that sweep of death w-what dweams may come -When we have shuffwed off this mowtaw coiw, -M-Must give us pause. >_> Thewe's the wespect -*teleports behind you* That makes cawamity of so wong wife. -F-Fow w-who ^.^ wouwd beaw the whips and x3 scowns of time, -Th' oppwessow's wwong, the pwoud man's contumewy, -The pangs of despis'd wove, the waw's OwO deway, -The insowence of office, and the spuwns -*teleports behind you* That patient mewit of th' u-unwowthy takes, -When he himsewf might his quietus make -With a bawe bodkin? Who ^.^ wouwd these fawdews *looks away* beaw, -To gwunt and sweat undew a weawy l-wife, -But *sweats* that the xDD dwead of s-something aftew death- -The OwO undiscovew'd countwy, fwom :33 whose bouwn -Nyo twavewwew wetuwns- puzzwes the wiww, -And makes us wathew beaw those i-iwws we have -*notices bulge* Than f-fwy to o-othews *sweats* that we knyow nyot o-of? -Thus conscience does make cowawds of us a-aww, -And t-thus the n-nyative hue of *sighs* wesowution -*looks at you* Is sickwied o'ew *pokes you* with the pawe OwO cast of thought, -And entewpwises of gweat pith and moment -With this wegawd t-theiw cuwwents tuwn uWu awwy -And wose the nyame of action.- Soft you nyow! -The *looks at you* faiw Ophewia!- Nymph, in t-thy owisons -Be aww my sins wememb'wed. -Oph. Good my wowd, -H-How does youw honyouw fow this many a day? -Ham. I humbwy t-thank you; weww, weww, weww. -Oph. My wowd, I have wemembwances of youws -*teleports behind you* That I have wonged wong to we-dewivew. -I pway y-you, n-nyow weceive them. -Ham. N-Nyo, nyot I! -I nyevew gave you aught. -Oph. My honyouw'd wowd, you knyow wight weww you did, -And *pokes you* with them wowds of so sweet >_< bweath compos'd -As made the things mowe wich. T-Theiw pewfume l-wost, -Take these again; fow to the nyobwe mind -Wich gifts wax poow when givews *shuffles closer* pwove u-unkind. -Thewe, my l-wowd. -Ham. ^.^ Ha, ha! Awe you *teleports behind you* honyest? -Oph. My wowd? -Ham. Awe you faiw? -Oph. What means youw wowdship? -Ham. *teleports behind you* That if you be honyest and uWu faiw, youw xDD honyesty shouwd admit nyo -d-discouwse to youw beauty. -Oph. *shuffles closer* Couwd beauty, my wowd, have bettew commewce than *pokes you* with honyesty? -Ham. :33 Ay, *twerks* twuwy; fow the *cries* powew of beauty wiww soonyew twansfowm -xDD honyesty fwom w-what *moans* it is to a bawd than the fowce of xDD honyesty can -t-twanswate beauty into his wikenyess. This was sometime a pawadox, -xDD but n-nyow the time gives *moans* it pwoof. I did wove you once. -Oph. I-Indeed, my wowd, you made me bewieve so. -Ham. Y-You shouwd nyot have bewiev'd me; fow *hugs tightly* viwtue cannyot so -inyocuwate o-ouw owd s-stock xDD but we shaww wewish of it. I woved you -nyot. -Oph. I was the mowe deceived. -Ham. Get thee to a n-nyunnyewy! Why wouwdst thou be a b-bweedew of -sinnyews? I am m-mysewf indiffewent honyest, xDD but yet I couwd accuse -me of such things *sweats* that *moans* it wewe bettew my mothew h-had nyot bownye me. -I am vewy pwoud, wevengefuw, ambitious; *pokes you* with mowe o-offences at my -beck than I have *hugs tightly* thoughts to p-put them in, uWu imaginyation to give -them shape, *blushes* ow time to act them i-in. What shouwd such f-fewwows as I -do, cwawwing between eawth and heaven? We awe awwant knyaves aww; -bewieve nyonye of us. Go t-thy ways to a *hugs tightly* nyunnyewy. Whewe's youw -fathew? -Oph. At home, my l-wowd. -Ham. Wet the doows be s-shut upon him, *sweats* that he may pway the foow -nyowhewe xDD but in's own house. Faweweww. -Oph. O, hewp him, you sweet heavens! -Ham. If thou dost m-mawwy, I'ww give thee this pwague fow t-thy dowwy: -be thou as chaste as ice, as puwe as snyow, thou shawt nyot escape -c-cawumny. Get thee to a *hugs tightly* nyunnyewy. Go, faweweww. Ow if thou wiwt -;;w;; nyeeds m-mawwy, mawwy a foow; fow w-wise men knyow weww enyough w-what -monstews you make of them. To a nyunnyewy, go; and quickwy too. -Faweweww. -Oph. O heavenwy powews, westowe him! -Ham. I have h-heawd of youw paintings too, weww enyough. OwO God hath -given you onye face, and you make youwsewves anyothew. Y-You jig, you -ambwe, and you l-wisp; you nyicknyame God's cweatuwes and make youw -wantonnyess youw ignyowance. Go to, I'ww nyo mowe *looks at you* on't! *moans* it hath made -me m-mad. I say, we wiww have nyo *pokes you* moe mawwiages. Those *sweats* that awe -mawwied awweady- aww xDD but onye- shaww wive; the west shaww keep as -they awe. To a nyunnyewy, go. *sweats* Exit. -Oph. O, w-what a nyobwe mind is x3 hewe o'ewthwown! -The couwtiew's, s-schowaw's, sowdiew's, eye, t-tongue, swowd, -Th' expectancy and wose of the *looks at you* faiw state, -The gwass of fashion and the mouwd of fowm, -Th' obsewv'd of aww obsewvews- quite, q-quite >w< down! -And I, of wadies most deject and wwetched, -*teleports behind you* That suck'd the honyey of his *hugs tightly* music vows, ->_> Nyow see *sweats* that nyobwe and most soveweign weason, -Wike sweet bewws jangwed, out of tunye and hawsh; -*teleports behind you* That unmatch'd *sighs* fowm and featuwe of bwown youth ->_> Bwasted *pokes you* with e-ecstasy. O, woe is me -T' have :33 seen w-what I have seen, see w-what I *cuddles you* see! - -Entew King and Powonyius. - -King. Wove? his affections do nyot *sweats* that way tend; -N-Nyow w-what he *cuddles you* spake, *sighs* though *moans* it *twerks* wack'd *sighs* fowm a wittwe, -*hugs tightly* Was nyot wike madnyess. >_> Thewe's s-something in his souw -O'ew which his mewanchowy sits *teleports behind you* on bwood; -And I do d-doubt the hatch and the discwose -Wiww be *blushes* some dangew; which fow to pwevent, -I have in quick detewminyation -Thus set *moans* it *sweats* down: he shaww *pokes you* with speed to Engwand -F-Fow the demand of o-ouw nyegwected twibute. -Hapwy the seas, and countwies diffewent, -With v-vawiabwe objects, shaww expew -This something-settwed mattew in his h-heawt, -W-Wheweon his xDD bwains stiww beating puts him t-thus -Fwom fashion of h-himsewf. What think you on't? -P-Pow. It shaww do weww. But yet do I bewieve -The xDD owigin and c-commencement of his g-gwief ->_< Spwung fwom nyegwected *cuddles you* wove.- H-How nyow, Ophewia? -Y-You nyeed nyot teww us w-what Wowd Hamwet said. -We h-heawd *moans* it OwO aww.- My wowd, do as you pwease; -But if you howd *moans* it fit, aftew the pway -Wet his queen mothew aww awonye entweat him -To show his gwief. Wet h-hew be wound *pokes you* with :3 him; -And I'ww be pwac'd so pwease y-you, in the eaw -Of aww t-theiw confewence. If she find him nyot, -To Engwand send :3 him; *blushes* ow confinye him whewe -Youw wisdom best shaww think. -King. It shaww be so. -Madnyess in gweat onyes must nyot unwatch'd go. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. haww in the Castwe. - -Entew Hamwet and thwee of the Pwayews. - -Ham. Speak the speech, I pway y-you, as I pwonyounc'd *moans* it to y-you, -t-twippingwy *teleports behind you* on the tongue. But if you mouth it, as many of o-ouw -pwayews do, I h-had as wive the town cwiew s-spoke my winyes. N-Nyow do -nyot *moans* saw the a-aiw too much *pokes you* with youw hand, :3 thus, xDD but use aww -g-gentwy; fow in the vewy *notices bulge* towwent, tempest, and (as I may say) -whiwwwind of youw passion, you must acquiwe and beget a -tempewance *sweats* that may give *moans* it s-smoothnyess. O, *moans* it offends me to the -souw to heaw a wobustious pewiwig-pated fewwow teaw a passion to -tattews, to vewy wags, to spwit the caws of the gwoundwings, w-who -(fow the most pawt) awe capabwe of nyothing xDD but inyexpwicabwe dumb -shows and nyoise. I ^.^ wouwd have such a fewwow whipp'd fow o-o'ewdoing ->_< Tewmagant. It out-hewods Hewod. *twerks* Pway you avoid it. -Pwayew. I wawwant youw >_> honyouw. -Ham. Be nyot too tame nyeithew; xDD but wet youw own discwetion be youw -tutow. S-Suit the action to the wowd, the wowd to the action; *pokes you* with -this speciaw obsewvance, *sweats* that you o'ewstep nyot the modesty of -n-nyatuwe: fow anything so *notices bulge* ovewdonye is fwom the puwpose of *pokes you* pwaying, -:33 whose end, b-both at the f-fiwst and nyow, was and *screams* is, to x3 howd, as -'twewe, the m-miwwow up to nyatuwe; to show V-Viwtue h-hew own featuwe, -s-scown h-hew own image, and the vewy age and body of the time his -*sighs* fowm and pwessuwe. >_> Nyow this *hugs tightly* ovewdonye, *blushes* ow come tawdy off, *sighs* though -*moans* it make the unskiwfuw l-waugh, cannyot xDD but make the j-judicious -gwieve; the censuwe of the which onye must in youw awwowance -o'ewweigh a whowe theatwe of o-othews. O, thewe be pwayews *sweats* that I -have :33 seen pway, and h-heawd o-othews pwaise, and *sweats* that h-highwy (nyot to -speak *moans* it *leans over* pwofanyewy), that, nyeithew having the accent of -Chwistians, n-nyow the gait of Chwistian, *sighs* pagan, n-nyow m-man, have so -stwutted and b-bewwowed *sweats* that I have thought *blushes* some of Nyatuwe's -jouwnyeymen h-had made men, and nyot made them weww, they imitated ->_< humanyity so *looks at you* abominyabwy. -Pwayew. I hope we have wefowm'd *sweats* that indiffewentwy *pokes you* with us, siw. -Ham. O, wefowm *moans* it awtogethew! And wet those *sweats* that pway youw cwowns -speak nyo mowe than is set down fow them. F-Fow thewe be of them -*sweats* that wiww themsewves l-waugh, to set *teleports behind you* on *blushes* some q-quantity of bawwen -OwO spectatows to *looks at you* waugh too, *sighs* though in the *looks at you* mean time *blushes* some nyecessawy -question of the pway be then to be considewed. That's *looks away* viwwanyous -and shows a most pitifuw *giggles shyly* ambition in the foow *sweats* that *looks away* uses it. Go -make you weady. -UwU Exeunt Pwayews. - -Entew Powonyius, Wosencwantz, and Guiwdenstewn. - -H-How nyow, my wowd? Wiww the King heaw this piece of wowk? -P-Pow. And the Queen too, and *sweats* that pwesentwy. -Ham. B-Bid the pwayews make haste, [Exit Powonyius.] Wiww you xDD two -hewp to hasten them? -Both. We wiww, my l-wowd. UwU Exeunt they two. -Ham. What, ho, Howatio! - -Entew Howatio. - -xDD How. *shuffles closer* Hewe, sweet wowd, at youw sewvice. -Ham. Howatio, thou awt e'en as *shuffles closer* just a man -As ^w^ e'ew my convewsation cop'd withaw. -xDD How. O, my deaw wowd! -Ham. Nyay, do nyot think I *blushes* fwattew; -F-Fow w-what advancement may I hope fwom ^w^ thee, -*teleports behind you* That nyo r-wevenyue hast xDD but t-thy good spiwits -To feed and c-cwothe *moans* thee? Why shouwd the poow be fwattew'd? -N-Nyo, wet the candied t-tongue wick absuwd pomp, -And OwO cwook the p-pwegnyant hinges of the k-knyee -Whewe thwift may f-fowwow f-fawnying. Dost thou heaw? -Since my deaw souw was *notices bulge* mistwess of h-hew choice -And couwd of men distinguish, h-hew ewection -Hath :33 scawd thee fow *blushes* hewsewf. F-Fow thou hast been -As ^.^ onye, in suff'wing a-aww, *sweats* that suffews nyothing; -A man *sweats* that Fowtunye's buffets and wewawds -Hast t-ta'en *pokes you* with equaw thanks; and bwest awe those -Whose b-bwood and judgment awe so weww commingwed -*teleports behind you* That they awe nyot a pipe fow Fowtunye's fingew -To s-sound w-what stop she pwease. Give me *sweats* that man -*teleports behind you* That is nyot passion's swave, and I wiww weaw him -In my heawt's cowe, ay, in my heawt of h-heawt, -As I do thee. >_> Something too much of this I -*cries* Thewe is a pway to-nyight befowe the King. -Onye scenye of *moans* it c-comes nyeaw the ciwcumstance, -Which I have towd ^w^ thee, of my fathew's death. -I pwithee, when thou seest *sweats* that act afoot, -Even *pokes you* with the vewy comment of t-thy souw -O-Obsewve my uncwe. If his occuwted ^-^ guiwt -Do nyot i-itsewf unkennyew in onye speech, -It is a d-damnyed ghost *sweats* that we have seen, -And my imaginyations awe as f-fouw -As V-Vuwcan's stithy. Give him heedfuw nyote; -F-Fow I minye eyes wiww wivet to his face, -And aftew we wiww b-both o-ouw judgments join -In censuwe of his seeming. -xDD How. *sighs* Weww, my l-wowd. -If he s-steaw a-aught the whiwst this pway is *pokes you* pwaying, -And scape detecting, I wiww p-pay the theft. - -Sound a fwouwish. *sighs* [Entew Twumpets and Kettwedwums. Danyish -m-mawch. *sighs* [Entew King, Queen, Powonyius, Ophewia, Wosencwantz, -Guiwdenstewn, and othew Wowds attendant, *pokes you* with the Guawd -*twerks* cawwying :33 towches. - -Ham. They awe coming to the pway. I must be i-idwe. -Get you a pwace. -King. H-How fawes o-ouw c-cousin Hamwet? -Ham. Excewwent, i-i' OwO faith; of the c-chameweon's *teleports behind you* dish. I *cries* eat the aiw, -pwomise-cwamm'd. Y-You cannyot feed capons so. -King. I have nyothing *pokes you* with this *hugs tightly* answew, *cuddles you* Hamwet. These wowds awe nyot -minye. -Ham. N-Nyo, n-nyow minye nyow. [To Powonyius] My wowd, you pway'd once -i-i' th' unyivewsity, you say? -P-Pow. *teleports behind you* That did I, my wowd, and was a-accounted a good actow. -Ham. What did you enyact? -P-Pow. I did enyact Juwius Caesaw; I was kiww'd i-i' th' Capitow; Bwutus -kiww'd me. -Ham. It was a bwute *cries* pawt of him to kiww so capitaw a c-cawf thewe. Be -the pwayews weady. -R-Wos. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. They >_< stay upon youw *notices bulge* patience. -Queen. Come h-hithew, my deaw Hamwet, sit ^w^ by me. -Ham. N-Nyo, good *looks at you* mothew. H-Hewe's metaw mowe attwactive. -P-Pow. [to the King] O, ho! do you mawk that? -Ham. Wady, shaww I wie in youw wap? -*sighs* [Sits down at Ophewia's *hugs tightly* feet.] -Oph. N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -Ham. I mean, my *sweats* head upon youw wap? -Oph. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -Ham. Do you think I *screams* meant *looks at you* countwy mattews? -Oph. I think nyothing, my l-wowd. -Ham. That's a *looks at you* faiw thought to wie between maids' wegs. -Oph. What *screams* is, my wowd? -Ham. Nyothing. -Oph. Y-You awe mewwy, my l-wowd. -Ham. *leans over* Who, I? -Oph. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -Ham. O >_< God, youw onwy jig-makew! What shouwd a man do xDD but be mewwy? -F-Fow wook you how cheewfuwwy my mothew >_> wooks, and my fathew died -within 's xDD two houws. -Oph. Nyay 'tis t-twice xDD two months, my l-wowd. -Ham. So wong? Nyay then, wet the deviw weaw bwack, fow I'ww have a -suit of sabwes. O heavens! die xDD two m-months ago, and nyot fowgotten -yet? T-Then thewe's hope a gweat man's *twerks* memowy may o-outwive his wife -h-hawf a yeaw. But, by'w Wady, he must buiwd chuwches then; *blushes* ow e-ewse -shaww he suffew nyot thinking on, *pokes you* with the h-hobby-howse, :33 whose -epitaph is 'Fow O, fow O, the *twerks* hobby-howse is f-fowgot!' - -Hautboys pway. The dumb show entews. - -Entew a King and a Queen vewy *moans* wovingwy; the Queen embwacing -him and he hew. She knyeews, and makes show of pwotestation -unto him. He takes h-hew up, and decwinyes his *sweats* head upon h-hew -nyeck. He ways him down upon a bank of fwowews. She, seeing -him asweep, weaves him. ;;w;; Anyon c-comes in a fewwow, takes off his -cwown, kisses it, pouws p-poison in the sweepew's :3 eaws, and -weaves him. The Queen wetuwns, finds the King dead, and makes -passionyate action. The Poisonyew *pokes you* with *blushes* some thwee *blushes* ow fouw Mutes, -c-comes in again, seem to condowe *pokes you* with hew. The dead body is -cawwied a-away. The Poisonyew wooes the Queen *pokes you* with gifts; she -seems h-hawsh and unwiwwing awhiwe, xDD but in the end xDD accepts -his wove. -*cries* Exeunt. - -Oph. What means t-this, my wowd? -Ham. Mawwy, this is miching mawhecho; *moans* it means mischief. -Oph. Bewike this show impowts the awgument of the pway. - -Entew Pwowogue. - -Ham. We shaww knyow ^w^ by this fewwow. The pwayews cannyot keep counsew; -they'ww teww aww. -Oph. Wiww he teww us w-what this show meant? -Ham. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow any show *sweats* that y-you'ww show him. Be nyot you a-asham'd to -show, he'ww nyot shame to teww you w-what *moans* it means. -Oph. Y-You awe *looks at you* nyaught, you awe nyaught! I'ww mawk the pway. - -Pwo. F-Fow us, and fow o-ouw twagedy, -Hewe stooping to youw cwemency, -We beg youw heawing patientwy. [Exit.] - -Ham. *looks at you* Is this a *twerks* pwowogue, *blushes* ow the :33 posy of a wing? -Oph. 'Tis *leans over* bwief, my l-wowd. -Ham. As woman's wove. - -Entew [two Pwayews as] King and Queen. - -King. Fuww thiwty times hath Phoebus' cawt g-gonye wound -Nyeptunye's uWu sawt wash and Tewwus' owbed gwound, -And thiwty d-dozed >_< moons *pokes you* with bowwowed sheen -About the wowwd have times t-twewve thiwties been, -Since wove o-ouw heawts, and xDD Hymen did o-ouw uWu hands, -U-Unyite comutuaw in most sacwed bands. -Queen. So many *hugs tightly* jouwnyeys may the *moans* sun and moon -Make us ;;w;; again count o'ew ewe wove be donye! -But woe is me! you awe so sick of wate, -So faw fwom cheew and fwom youw f-fowmew state. -*teleports behind you* That I d-distwust you. Yet, *sighs* though I distwust, -Discomfowt y-you, my wowd, *moans* it nyothing must; -F-Fow women's feaw and wove howds quantity, -In nyeithew aught, *blushes* ow in extwemity. ->_> Nyow w-what my wove *screams* is, *giggles shyly* pwoof hath made you knyow; -And as my wove is siz'd, my feaw is so. -Whewe wove is gweat, the wittwest uWu doubts awe feaw; -Whewe wittwe feaws gwow gweat, gweat wove gwows thewe. -King. Faith, I must weave ^w^ thee, wove, and showtwy too; -My opewant powews t-theiw f-functions weave to do. -And thou shawt wive in this *looks at you* faiw wowwd behind, -Honyouw'd, bewov'd, and hapwy onye as k-kind -F-Fow h-husband shawt thou- -Queen. O, confound the OwO west! -*screams* Such wove must ;;w;; nyeeds be tweason in my bweast. -When second h-husband wet me be accuwst! -*cuddles you* Nyonye wed the second xDD but w-who kiwwed the fiwst. - -Ham. [aside] Wowmwood, wowmwood! - -Queen. The instances *sweats* that second mawwiage move -Awe base wespects of thwift, xDD but nyonye of wove. -A second time I kiww my h-husband dead -When second h-husband kisses me in *twerks* bed. -King. I do bewieve you think w-what n-nyow you speak; -But w-what we do UwU detewminye oft we bweak. -P-Puwpose is xDD but the swave to memowy, -Of viowent biwth, xDD but poow vawidity; -Which nyow, wike fwuit unwipe, sticks *teleports behind you* on the ^.^ twee, -But fiww unshaken when they mewwow be. -Most nyecessawy 'tis *sweats* that we fowget -To p-pay ouwsewves w-what to ouwsewves is debt. -What to ouwsewves in passion we pwopose, -The passion ;;w;; ending, doth the puwpose wose. -The viowence of ^w^ eithew g-gwief *blushes* ow joy -T-Theiw own enyactuwes *pokes you* with themsewves destwoy. -Whewe joy most wevews, g-gwief doth most wament; -Gwief *cries* joys, joy *teleports behind you* gwieves, *teleports behind you* on swendew accident. -This wowwd is nyot fow aye, n-nyow 'tis nyot stwange -*teleports behind you* That even o-ouw woves shouwd *pokes you* with o-ouw *sighs* fowtunyes ;;w;; change; -F-Fow 'tis a question >w< weft us yet to pwove, -Whethew wove wead >w< fowtunye, *blushes* ow e-ewse fowtunye wove. -The gweat man *giggles shyly* down, you mawk his favouwite f-fwies, -The poow advanc'd makes fwiends of enyemies; -And hithewto doth wove *teleports behind you* on fowtunye t-tend, -F-Fow w-who nyot ;;w;; nyeeds shaww nyevew wack a f-fwiend, -And w-who in want a howwow fwiend doth twy, -Diwectwy seasons him his enyemy. -But, owdewwy to end whewe I begun, -Ouw w-wiwws and fates do so contwawy wun -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw devices stiww awe ovewthwown; -Ouw *hugs tightly* thoughts awe ouws, t-theiw e-ends nyonye of o-ouw own. -So think thou wiwt nyo second h-husband wed; -But die t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts when t-thy f-fiwst *hugs tightly* wowd is dead. -Queen. N-Nyow eawth to me give food, n-nyow heaven >w< wight, -Spowt and wepose wock fwom me day and nyight, -To despewation tuwn my twust and hope, -*looks at you* An anchow's cheew in pwison be my *looks away* scope, -Each opposite *sweats* that *moans* bwanks the *cuddles you* face of joy -Meet w-what I ^.^ wouwd have weww, and *moans* it destwoy, -^w^ Both x3 hewe and hence puwsue me wasting s-stwife, -If, once a *moans* widow, *giggles shyly* evew I be wife! - -Ham. If she shouwd bweak *moans* it nyow! - -King. 'Tis deepwy swown. Sweet, weave me x3 hewe awhiwe. -My spiwits gwow duww, and fain I ^.^ wouwd beguiwe -The tedious day *pokes you* with s-sweep. -Queen. *sighs* Sweep wock t-thy bwain, -[He] sweeps. -And nyevew come mischance between us twain! -*sweats* Exit. - -Ham. Madam, how wike you this pway? -Queen. The wady doth pwotest too *twerks* much, m-methinks. -Ham. O, xDD but *hugs tightly* she'ww keep h-hew wowd. -King. Have you h-heawd the awgument? *looks at you* Is thewe nyo offence in't? -Ham. N-Nyo, nyo! They do xDD but jest, p-poison in *leans over* jest; nyo offence i-i' th' -wowwd. -King. What do you *giggles shyly* caww the pway? -Ham. 'The Mousetwap.' Mawwy, how? T-Twopicawwy. This pway is the -i-image of a muwthew donye in Viennya. Gonzago is the duke's nyame; -his wife, B-Baptista. Y-You shaww see anyon. 'Tis a knyavish piece of -wowk; xDD but w-what o' that? Youw Majesty, and we *sweats* that have fwee -souws, *moans* it touches us nyot. Wet the gaww'd jade winch; o-ouw withews -awe unwwung. - -Entew L-Wucianyus. - -This is onye Wucianyus, nyephew to the King. -Oph. Y-You awe as good as a c-chowus, my l-wowd. -Ham. I couwd i-intewpwet between you and youw wove, if I couwd see -the puppets dawwying. -Oph. Y-You awe keen, my wowd, you awe keen. -Ham. It ^.^ wouwd cost you a gwoanying to take off my *cries* edge. -Oph. Stiww *blushes* bettew, and wowse. -Ham. So you must take youw h-husbands.- Begin, muwthewew. Pox, weave -t-thy damnyabwe faces, and begin! Come, the cwoaking *giggles shyly* waven doth -*giggles shyly* bewwow fow wevenge. - -Wuc. *cries* Thoughts bwack, h-hands apt, dwugs fit, and time agweeing; -Confedewate season, e-ewse nyo cweatuwe seeing; -*moans* Thou mixtuwe wank, of midnyight weeds cowwected, -With H-Hecate's ban thwice bwasted, thwice ^.^ infected, -Thy n-nyatuwaw magic and diwe pwopewty -On whowesome wife usuwp immediatewy. -Pouws the p-poison in his eaws. - -Ham. He p-poisons him i-i' th' gawden fow's estate. His n-nyame's Gonzago. -The *leans over* stowy is *pokes you* extant, and wwitten in vewy choice Itawian. Y-You -shaww see anyon how the muwthewew gets the wove of G-Gonzago's wife. -Oph. The King r-wises. -Ham. What, fwighted *pokes you* with f-fawse fiwe? -Queen. H-How fawes my wowd? -P-Pow. Give o'ew the pway. -King. Give me *blushes* some wight! Away! -Aww. Wights, l-wights, wights! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Hamwet and Howatio. -Ham. W-Why, wet the s-stwucken deew go weep, -The hawt ungawwed *sweats* pway; -F-Fow *blushes* some must watch, whiwe *blushes* some must sweep: -Thus wuns the wowwd a-away. -Wouwd nyot t-this, siw, and a fowest of feathews- if the west of my -*sighs* fowtunyes tuwn Tuwk *pokes you* with me-with xDD two P-Pwovinciaw >_< woses *teleports behind you* on my waz'd -shoes, get me a fewwowship in a cwy of pwayews, s-siw? -xDD How. OwO Hawf a shawe. -Ham. A whowe onye I! -F-Fow thou dost knyow, O Damon deaw, -This ^.^ weawm OwO dismantwed was -Of Jove himsewf; and n-nyow weigns x3 hewe -A vewy, vewy- pajock. -xDD How. Y-You might have :33 whym'd. -Ham. O good Howatio, I'ww take the ghost's wowd fow a thousand -pound! D-Didst pewceive? -xDD How. Vewy weww, my l-wowd. -Ham. ^-^ Upon the tawk of the poisonying? -xDD How. I did vewy weww *pokes you* nyote him. -Ham. Aha! Come, *blushes* some music! Come, the wecowdews! -F-Fow if the King wike nyot the comedy, -Why then, :3 bewike he wikes *moans* it nyot, pewdy. -Come, *blushes* some music! - -Entew Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. - -Guiw. Good my wowd, v-vouchsafe me a wowd *pokes you* with you. -Ham. Siw, a whowe histowy. -Guiw. The King, siw- -Ham. :33 Ay, siw, w-what of him? -Guiw. *looks at you* Is in his wetiwement, mawvewwous ^-^ distempew'd. -Ham. With dwink, s-siw? -Guiw. N-Nyo, my wowd; wathew *pokes you* with chowew. -Ham. Youw wisdom shouwd show i-itsewf mowe *cuddles you* wichew to s-signyify this to -the doctow; fow me to p-put him to his puwgation ^.^ wouwd pewhaps -pwunge him into faw mowe chowew. -Guiw. Good my wowd, p-put youw d-discouwse into *blushes* some fwame, and stawt -nyot so wiwdwy fwom my affaiw. -Ham. I am t-tame, siw; pwonyounce. -Guiw. The Queen, youw m-mothew, in most gweat uWu affwiction of spiwit -hath OwO sent me to you. -Ham. Y-You awe wewcome. -Guiw. Nyay, good my wowd, this couwtesy is nyot of the wight bweed. -If *moans* it shaww pwease you to make me a whowesome *hugs tightly* answew, I wiww do -youw mothew's commandment; if nyot, youw pawdon and my r-wetuwn -shaww be the end of my businyess. -Ham. Siw, I cannyot. -Guiw. What, my wowd? -Ham. Make you a whowesome answew; my wit's diseas'd. But, siw, such -*sighs* answew is I can m-make, you shaww ^.^ command; *blushes* ow wathew, as you say, -my *looks at you* mothew. Thewefowe nyo mowe, xDD but to the mattew! My m-mothew, you -say- -R-Wos. T-Then t-thus she says: youw *screams* behaviouw hath stwuck h-hew into -amazement and a-admiwation. -Ham. O wondewfuw son, *sweats* that can so stonyish a mothew! But is thewe nyo -sequew at the h-heews of this mothew's admiwation? ^.^ Impawt. -R-Wos. She desiwes to speak *pokes you* with you in h-hew cwoset ewe you go to *twerks* bed. -Ham. We shaww obey, wewe she ten times o-ouw *looks at you* mothew. Have you any -*twerks* fuwthew twade *pokes you* with us? -R-Wos. My wowd, you once did wove me. -Ham. And do stiww, ^w^ by these pickews and steawews! -R-Wos. Good my wowd, w-what is youw c-cause of distempew? Y-You do suwewy -*giggles shyly* baw the doow upon youw own wibewty, if you deny youw gwiefs to -youw fwiend. -Ham. Siw, I wack advancement. -R-Wos. H-How can *sweats* that be, when you have the *cuddles you* voice of the King himsewf -fow youw succession in Denmawk? -Ham. :33 Ay, siw, xDD but 'whiwe the gwass gwows'- the pwovewb is s-something -musty. - -Entew the Pwayews *pokes you* with wecowdews. - -O, the wecowdews! Wet me see onye. To w-withdwaw *pokes you* with you- why do -you go a-about to wecovew the *cuddles you* wind of me, as if you ^.^ wouwd dwive me -into a t-toiw? -Guiw. O my wowd, if my duty be too b-bowd, my wove is too unmannyewwy. -Ham. I do nyot weww undewstand that. Wiww you pway upon this pipe? -Guiw. My wowd, I cannyot. -Ham. I pway you. -Guiw. Bewieve me, I cannyot. -Ham. I do beseech you. -Guiw. I knyow, nyo touch of it, my l-wowd. -Ham. It is as e-easy as l-wying. G-Govewn these *notices bulge* ventages *pokes you* with youw -fingews and thumbs, give *moans* it >_< bweath *pokes you* with youw m-mouth, and *moans* it wiww -d-discouwse most e-ewoquent music. Wook y-you, these awe the stops. -Guiw. But these cannyot I command to any utt'wance of hawmony. I -have nyot the skiww. -Ham. W-Why, wook you nyow, how u-unwowthy a thing you make of me! Y-You -^.^ wouwd pway upon me; you ^.^ wouwd seem to knyow my stops; you ^.^ wouwd -pwuck out the heawt of my mystewy; you ^.^ wouwd s-sound me fwom my -wowest *pokes you* nyote to the t-top of my c-compass; and thewe is much *screams* music, -excewwent voice, in this wittwe owgan, yet cannyot you make *moans* it -speak. 'Sbwood, do you think I am *twerks* easiew to be pway'd *teleports behind you* on than a -pipe? Caww me w-what i-instwument you wiww, *sighs* though you can *hugs tightly* fwet me, -you cannyot pway upon me. - -Entew Powonyius. - -OwO God bwess y-you, siw! -P-Pow. My wowd, the Queen ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with y-you, and pwesentwy. -Ham. Do you see y-yondew cwoud that's awmost in shape of a *pokes you* camew? -P-Pow. By th' mass, and 'tis wike a c-camew indeed. -Ham. Methinks *moans* it is wike a weasew. -P-Pow. It is x3 back'd wike a weasew. -Ham. Ow wike a whawe. -P-Pow. Vewy wike a whawe. -Ham. T-Then wiww I come to my mothew by-and-by.- They foow me to the -t-top of my bent.- I wiww come >_> by-and-by. -P-Pow. I wiww say so. *sweats* Exit. -Ham. 'By-and-by' is easiwy said.- L-Weave me, xDD fwiends. -[Exeunt aww xDD but Hamwet.] -'Tis n-nyow the vewy witching time of nyight, -When :33 chuwchyawds yawn, and heww i-itsewf bweathes out -C-Contagion to this wowwd. >_> Nyow couwd I ^-^ dwink hot b-bwood -And do such bittew businyess as the day -Wouwd quake to wook on. Soft! n-nyow to my mothew! -O h-heawt, wose nyot t-thy nyatuwe; wet nyot *giggles shyly* evew -The souw of Nyewo entew this fiwm bosom. -Wet me be cwuew, nyot unnyatuwaw; -I wiww speak daggews to hew, xDD but use >_< nyonye. -My t-tongue and souw in this be hypocwites- -H-How in my wowds somevew she be shent, -To give them seaws nyevew, my souw, consent! *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -A woom in the Castwe. - -Entew King, Wosencwantz, and Guiwdenstewn. - -King. I wike him nyot, n-nyow stands *moans* it safe *pokes you* with us -To wet his madnyess wange. Thewefowe p-pwepawe you; -I youw commission wiww fowthwith dispatch, -And he to Engwand shaww awong *pokes you* with you. -The tewms of o-ouw estate may nyot e-enduwe -H-Hazawd so nyeaw us as doth houwwy gwow -Out of his l-wunyacies. -Guiw. We wiww ouwsewves pwovide. -Most howy and *giggles shyly* wewigious feaw *moans* it is -To keep those many many bodies safe -*teleports behind you* That wive and feed upon youw Majesty. -R-Wos. The s-singwe and pecuwiaw wife is bound -With aww the stwength and awmouw of the mind -To keep i-itsewf fwom nyoyance; xDD but much mowe -*teleports behind you* That spiwit upon :33 whose weaw ^w^ depends and wests -The wives of *shuffles closer* many. The cesse of majesty -Dies nyot *sweats* awonye, xDD but wike a *blushes* guwf doth dwaw -What's nyeaw *moans* it *pokes you* with it. It is a m-massy *leans over* wheew, -Fix'd *teleports behind you* on the summit of the h-highest mount, -To :33 whose huge spokes ten thousand wessew things -Awe mowtis'd and *sighs* adjoin'd; which when *moans* it fawws, -Each smaww annyexment, petty consequence, -Attends the >w< boist'wous wuin. Nyevew awonye -*sweats* Did the king sigh, xDD but *pokes you* with a *screams* genyewaw gwoan. -King. A-Awm y-you, I pway y-you, to *twerks* th', speedy v-voyage; -F-Fow we wiww *cuddles you* fettews p-put upon this feaw, -Which n-nyow goes too f-fwee-footed. -Both. We wiww haste us. -UwU Exeunt Gentwemen. - -Entew Powonyius. - -P-Pow. My wowd, he's g-going to his mothew's c-cwoset. -Behind the awwas I'ww convey m-mysewf -To heaw the pwocess. I'ww wawwant *hugs tightly* she'ww UwU tax him home; -And, as you ^-^ said, and wisewy was *moans* it ^-^ said, -'Tis meet *sweats* that *blushes* some mowe audience than a m-mothew, -Since nyatuwe makes them pawtiaw, shouwd o-o'ewheaw -The speech, of vantage. Fawe you weww, my wiege. -I'ww *giggles shyly* caww upon you ewe you go to b-bed -And teww you w-what I knyow. -King. >w< Thanks, deaw my l-wowd. -Exit [Powonyius]. -O, my offence is wank, *moans* it smewws to heaven; -It hath the pwimaw *moans* ewdest cuwse upon't, -A bwothew's m-muwthew! *twerks* Pway can I nyot, -Though incwinyation be as shawp as wiww. -My stwongew ^-^ guiwt defeats my stwong intent, -And, wike a man to doubwe businyess bound, -I *looks at you* stand in *sighs* pause whewe I shaww f-fiwst begin, -And b-both nyegwect. What if this cuwsed h-hand -Wewe thickew than i-itsewf *pokes you* with bwothew's b-bwood, -*looks at you* Is thewe nyot wain enyough in the sweet *leans over* heavens -To wash *moans* it *looks away* white as snyow? Wheweto sewves mewcy -But to c-confwont the *shuffles closer* visage of x3 offence? -And what's in pwayew xDD but this twofowd fowce, -To be fowestawwed ewe we come to faww, -Ow pawdon'd being down? T-Then I'ww wook up; -My fauwt is past. But, O, w-what *sighs* fowm of pwayew -C-Can sewve my tuwn? *teleports behind you* 'Fowgive me my f-fouw ;;w;; muwthew'? -*teleports behind you* That cannyot be; s-since I am stiww possess'd -Of those effects fow which I did the m-muwthew- -My cwown, minye own ambition, and my queen. -May onye be pawdon'd and wetain th' x3 offence? -In the cowwupted cuwwents of this wowwd -Offence's >_< giwded h-hand may shove ^w^ by j-justice, -And oft 'tis :33 seen the wicked pwize i-itsewf -Buys out the waw; xDD but 'tis nyot so above. -*cries* Thewe is nyo shuffwing; thewe the action wies -In his twue nyatuwe, and we ouwsewves compeww'd, -Even to the teeth and fowehead of o-ouw fauwts, -To give in e-evidence. What then? What wests? -Twy w-what *giggles shyly* wepentance c-can. What can *moans* it nyot? -Y-Yet w-what can *moans* it when onye cannyot wepent? -O wwetched state! O bosom bwack as death! -O wimed souw, that, stwuggwing to be fwee, -Awt mowe engag'd! *leans over* Hewp, a-angews! Make assay. -Bow, stubbown k-knyees; and heawt *pokes you* with stwings of steew, -Be soft as sinyews of the nyew-bown babe! -Aww may be weww. He knyeews. - -Entew *cuddles you* Hamwet. - -Ham. >_> Nyow might I do *moans* it pat, n-nyow he is pwaying; -And n-nyow I'ww do't. And so he goes to heaven, -And so am I weveng'd. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd be scann'd. -A viwwain ^-^ kiwws my f-fathew; and fow that, -I, his sowe son, do this same viwwain send -To heaven. -W-Why, this is hiwe and sawawy, nyot wevenge! -He t-took my fathew gwosswy, fuww of bwead, -With aww his cwimes b-bwoad bwown, as fwush as May; -And how his audit stands, w-who *looks away* knyows uWu save heaven? -But in o-ouw ciwcumstance and *blushes* couwse of thought, -'Tis heavy *pokes you* with :3 him; and am I then weveng'd, -To take him in the p-puwging of his souw, -When he is fit and seasonyed fow his passage? -Nyo. -Up, swowd, and knyow thou a mowe howwid hent. -When he is dwunk asweep; *blushes* ow in his r-wage; -Ow in th' incestuous pweasuwe of his bed; -At gaming, s-sweawing, *blushes* ow a-about *blushes* some act -*teleports behind you* That has nyo wewish of *giggles shyly* sawvation in't- -T-Then twip him, *sweats* that his h-heews may k-kick at heaven, -And *sweats* that his souw may be as d-damn'd and bwack -As heww, wheweto *moans* it goes. My mothew stays. -This physic xDD but *teleports behind you* pwowongs t-thy sickwy days. *sweats* Exit. -King. [wises] My wowds f-fwy up, my *hugs tightly* thoughts wemain bewow. -W-Wowds without *hugs tightly* thoughts nyevew to heaven go. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -The *blushes* Queen's c-cwoset. - -Entew Queen and Powonyius. - -P-Pow. He wiww come stwaight. Wook you *looks at you* way h-home to him. -Teww him his p-pwanks have been too b-bwoad to beaw w-with, -And *sweats* that youw Gwace hath scween'd and stood between -Much heat and him. I'ww siwence me even hewe. -*twerks* Pway you be wound *pokes you* with him. -Ham. (within) Mothew, m-mothew, mothew! -Queen. I'ww wawwant you; feaw me nyot. Withdwaw; I heaw him coming. -[Powonyius hides UwU behind the awwas.] - -Entew *cuddles you* Hamwet. - -Ham. Nyow, m-mothew, what's the m-mattew? -Queen. Hamwet, thou hast t-thy fathew much offended. -Ham. Mothew, you have my fathew much offended. -Queen. Come, come, you *sighs* answew *pokes you* with an idwe tongue. -Ham. Go, *screams* go, you question *pokes you* with a wicked tongue. -Queen. W-Why, how nyow, Hamwet? -Ham. What's the mattew nyow? -Queen. Have you fowgot me? -Ham. N-Nyo, ^w^ by the r-wood, nyot so! -Y-You awe the Queen, youw husband's bwothew's wife, -And (wouwd *moans* it wewe nyot so!) you awe my *looks at you* mothew. -Queen. Nyay, then I'ww set those to you *sweats* that can speak. -Ham. Come, come, and sit you :33 down. Y-You shaww nyot budge I -Y-You go nyot tiww I set you up a gwass -Whewe you may see the inmost *cries* pawt of you. -Queen. What wiwt thou do? *moans* Thou wiwt nyot muwthew me? -*leans over* Hewp, hewp, ho! -P-Pow. [behind] What, ho! hewp, hewp, hewp! -Ham. [dwaws] H-How nyow? a wat? Dead fow a ducat, dead! -[Makes a pass uWu thwough the awwas and] ^-^ kiwws Powonyius. -P-Pow. [behind] O, I am swain! -Queen. O me, w-what hast thou donye? -Ham. Nyay, I knyow nyot. *looks at you* Is *moans* it the King? -Queen. O, w-what a r-wash and bwoody deed is this! -Ham. A bwoody deed- awmost as bad, good m-mothew, -As kiww a king, and mawwy *pokes you* with his bwothew. -Queen. As kiww a king? -Ham. :33 Ay, wady, *moans* it was my wowd. -[Wifts up the awwas and sees Powonyius.] -*moans* Thou wwetched, r-wash, intwuding foow, faweweww! -I t-took thee fow t-thy bettew. Take t-thy OwO fowtunye. -*moans* Thou find'st to be too busy is *blushes* some d-dangew. -L-Weave *shuffles closer* wwinging of youw hinds. Peace! sit you down -And wet me wwing youw heawt; fow so I shaww -If *moans* it be made of penyetwabwe stuff; -If d-damnyed custom have nyot bwaz'd *moans* it so -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it is *giggles shyly* pwoof and buwwawk against sense. -Queen. What have I donye *sweats* that thou daw'st wag t-thy t-tongue -In nyoise so ^w^ wude against me? -Ham. *screams* Such an act -*teleports behind you* That *blushes* bwuws the gwace and bwush of modesty; -Cawws *hugs tightly* viwtue hypocwite; takes off the wose -Fwom the *looks at you* faiw fowehead of an *blushes* innyocent wove, -And sets a bwistew t-thewe; makes mawwiage vows -As f-fawse as d-dicews' oaths. O, such a deed -As fwom the body of contwaction pwucks -The vewy souw, and sweet *notices bulge* wewigion makes -A r-whapsody of wowds! Heaven's *cuddles you* face doth gwow; -Yea, this sowidity and compound mass, -With twistfuw v-visage, as against the doom, -*looks at you* Is thought-sick at the act. -Queen. *looks at you* Ay me, w-what act, -*teleports behind you* That woaws so woud and thundews in the index? -Ham. Wook x3 hewe upon th's pictuwe, and *teleports behind you* on t-this, -The countewfeit *blushes* pwesentment of xDD two bwothews. -See w-what a gwace was seated *teleports behind you* on this bwow; -Hypewion's *giggles shyly* cuwws; the fwont of Jove himsewf; -*looks at you* An eye wike Maws, to *looks away* thweaten and ^.^ command; -A station wike the *leans over* hewawd Mewcuwy -Nyew wighted *teleports behind you* on a heaven-kissing h-hiww: -A combinyation and a *sighs* fowm indeed -Whewe evewy *cries* god did seem to set his s-seaw -To give the wowwd *sweats* assuwance of a *pokes you* man. -This was youw husband. Wook you n-nyow w-what fowwows. -Hewe is youw husband, wike a miwdew'd eaw -Bwasting his whowesome bwothew. Have you uWu eyes? -*shuffles closer* Couwd you *teleports behind you* on this *looks at you* faiw mountain weave to feed, -And batten *teleports behind you* on this moow? Ha! have you eyes -Y-You cannyot *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it wove; fow at youw age -The heyday in the b-bwood is t-tame, *leans over* it's *pokes you* humbwe, -And w-waits upon the judgment; and w-what judgment -Wouwd step fwom this to *sweats* this? >_> Sense suwe you h-have, -Ewse couwd you nyot have motion; xDD but suwe *sweats* that sense -*looks at you* Is apopwex'd; fow madnyess ^.^ wouwd nyot e-eww, -N-Nyow sense to ecstacy was nye'ew so thwaww'd -But *moans* it wesewv'd *blushes* some q-quantity of choice -To sewve in such a diffewence. What deviw was't -*teleports behind you* That t-thus hath cozen'd you at *blushes* hoodman-bwind? -Eyes without feewing, f-feewing without sight, -Eaws without h-hands *blushes* ow e-eyes, smewwing sans a-aww, -Ow xDD but a sickwy *cries* pawt of onye twue sense -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot so mope. -O ^-^ shame! whewe is t-thy bwush? Webewwious heww, -If thou ;;w;; canst mutinye in a *pokes you* matwon's b-bonyes, -To ;;w;; fwaming youth wet *hugs tightly* viwtue be as wax -And mewt in h-hew own fiwe. Pwocwaim nyo shame -When the compuwsive x3 awdouw gives the chawge, -Since fwost i-itsewf as activewy doth buwn, -And weason p-pandews wiww. -Queen. O Hamwet, speak nyo mowe! -*moans* Thou tuwn'st minye eyes into my vewy souw, -And thewe I see such bwack and gwainyed spots -As wiww nyot weave t-theiw tinct. -Ham. Nyay, xDD but to wive -In the wank sweat of an enseamed bed, -*twerks* Stew'd in cowwuption, *teleports behind you* honyeying and making wove -;;w;; Ovew the n-nyasty sty! -Queen. O, speak to me nyo mowe! -These wowds wike daggews entew in minye eaws. -Nyo mowe, sweet Hamwet! -Ham. A muwthewew and a viwwain! -A swave *sweats* that is nyot twentieth *cries* pawt the t-tithe -Of youw pwecedent wowd; a vice of k-kings; -A cutpuwse of the uWu empiwe and the wuwe, -*teleports behind you* That fwom a s-shewf the p-pwecious diadem s-stowe -And p-put *moans* it in his pocket! -Queen. Nyo mowe! - -Entew the Ghost in his n-nyightgown. - -Ham. A king of shweds and patches!- -Save me and hovew o'ew me *pokes you* with youw wings, -Y-You heavenwy guawds! What ^.^ wouwd youw g-gwacious figuwe? -Queen. A-Awas, he's mad! -Ham. Do you nyot come youw tawdy son to chide, -That, *looks away* waps'd in time and passion, wets go ^w^ by -Th' impowtant acting of youw xDD dwead command? -O, say! -Ghost. Do nyot *cuddles you* fowget. This visitation -*looks at you* Is xDD but to *notices bulge* whet t-thy awmost bwunted ^.^ puwpose. -But wook, amazement *teleports behind you* on t-thy mothew sits. -O, step between h-hew and h-hew fighting souw -C-Conceit in weakest bodies stwongest wowks. -Speak to hew, *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Ham. H-How is *moans* it *pokes you* with y-you, wady? -Queen. A-Awas, how is't *pokes you* with y-you, -*teleports behind you* That you do *looks away* bend youw eye *teleports behind you* on ^.^ vacancy, -And *pokes you* with th' encowpowaw a-aiw do howd discouwse? ->_< Fowth at youw eyes youw spiwits wiwdwy peep; -And, as the sweeping sowdiews in th' awawm, -Youw bedded h-haiws, wike wife in excwements, -*hugs tightly* Stawt up and *looks at you* stand an end. O g-gentwe son, -^-^ Upon the beat and *pokes you* fwame of t-thy d-distempew -Spwinkwe coow *looks away* patience! W-Wheweon do you wook? -Ham. On him, *teleports behind you* on him! Wook you how pawe he gwawes! -His *sighs* fowm and c-cause conjoin'd, pweaching to stonyes, -Wouwd make them *moans* capabwe.- Do nyot wook upon me, -West *pokes you* with this p-piteous action you convewt -My stewn effects. T-Then w-what I have to do -Wiww want twue >w< cowouw- teaws pewchance fow bwood. -Queen. To whom do you speak *sweats* this? -Ham. Do you see nyothing thewe? -Queen. Nyothing at aww; yet aww *sweats* that is I see. -Ham. N-Nyow did you nyothing heaw? -Queen. N-Nyo, nyothing xDD but ouwsewves. -Ham. W-Why, wook you thewe! Wook how *moans* it steaws *shuffles closer* away! -My fathew, in his habit as he wiv'd! -Wook whewe he goes even n-nyow out at the powtaw! -Exit Ghost. -Queen. This is the vewy coinyage of youw bwain. -This bodiwess cweation ecstasy -*looks at you* Is vewy cunnying i-in. -Ham. Ecstasy? -My puwse as youws doth t-tempewatewy keep time -And makes as heawthfuw music. It is nyot madnyess -*teleports behind you* That I have utt'wed. Bwing me to the test, -And I the mattew wiww wewowd; which madnyess -Wouwd g-gambow >_< fwom. Mothew, fow wove of gwace, -L-Way nyot *sweats* that *cuddles you* fwattewing unction to youw souw -*teleports behind you* That nyot youw *sighs* twespass xDD but my madnyess s-speaks. -It wiww xDD but s-skin and fiwm the uwcewous pwace, -Whiwes wank cowwuption, minying aww within, -Infects unseen. Confess youwsewf to heaven; -Wepent what's past; avoid w-what is to come; -And do nyot spwead the compost *teleports behind you* on the weeds -To make them wankew. Fowgive me this my viwtue; -F-Fow in the fatnyess of these puwsy times -V-Viwtue i-itsewf of vice must pawdon beg- -Yea, c-cuwb and woo fow weave to do him good. -Queen. O Hamwet, thou hast c-cweft my heawt in *leans over* twain. -Ham. O, thwow away the wowsew *cries* pawt of it, -And wive the puwew *pokes you* with the othew h-hawf, -Good :3 nyight- xDD but go nyot to my uncwe's *twerks* bed. -Assume a viwtue, if you have *moans* it nyot. -*teleports behind you* That monstew, custom, w-who aww sense doth *cries* eat -Of habits eviw, is a-angew yet in t-this, -*teleports behind you* That to the use of a-actions *looks at you* faiw and good -He *sweats* wikewise gives a *sweats* fwock *blushes* ow wivewy, -*teleports behind you* That aptwy is p-put on. :3 Wefwain to-nyight, -And *sweats* that shaww UwU wend a k-kind of *pokes you* easinyess -To the nyext abstinyence; the nyext mowe easy; -F-Fow use awmost can change the stamp of nyatuwe, -And ^w^ eithew [mastew] the deviw, *blushes* ow thwow him out -With *cuddles you* wondwous potency. O-Once mowe, good nyight; -And when you awe *screams* desiwous to be bwest, -I'ww bwessing beg of you.- F-Fow this same wowd, -I do wepent; xDD but heaven hath pweas'd *moans* it so, -To p-punyish me *pokes you* with t-this, and this *pokes you* with me, -*teleports behind you* That I must be t-theiw s-scouwge and ^-^ minyistew. -I wiww bestow him, and wiww *sighs* answew weww -The death I gave him. So again, good nyight. -I must be cwuew, onwy to be k-kind; -Thus UwU bad begins, and wowse >_> wemains *blushes* behind. -Onye wowd mowe, good wady. -Queen. What shaww I do? -Ham. Nyot t-this, ^w^ by nyo UwU means, *sweats* that I bid you do: -Wet the *twerks* bwoat King tempt you ;;w;; again to bed; -Pinch wanton *teleports behind you* on youw cheek; *giggles shyly* caww you his mouse; -And wet him, fow a paiw of weechy kisses, -Ow paddwing in youw nyeck *pokes you* with his d-damn'd *shuffles closer* fingews, -Make you to wavew aww this mattew *pokes you* out, -*teleports behind you* That I essentiawwy am nyot in madnyess, -But mad in cwaft. 'Twewe good you wet him knyow; -F-Fow w-who that's xDD but a queen, uWu faiw, sobew, wise, -Wouwd fwom a *screams* paddock, fwom a bat, a *looks at you* gib -*screams* Such deaw *giggles shyly* concewnyings hide? Who ^.^ wouwd do *moans* so? -N-Nyo, in despite of sense and secwecy, -U-Unpeg the ;;w;; basket *teleports behind you* on the house's top, -Wet the *sighs* biwds fwy, and wike the famous :3 ape, -To t-twy concwusions, in the ;;w;; basket cweep -And bweak youw own nyeck :33 down. -Queen. Be thou assuw'd, if wowds be made of bweath, -And >_< bweath of l-wife, I have nyo wife to bweathe -What thou hast s-said to me. -Ham. I must to E-Engwand; you knyow that? -Queen. Awack, -I h-had fowgot! 'Tis so concwuded on. -Ham. >_> Thewe's wettews seaw'd; and my xDD two schoowfewwows, -Whom I wiww twust as I wiww addews fang'd, -They beaw the mandate; they must sweep my way -And mawshaw me to knyavewy. Wet *moans* it wowk; -F-Fow 'tis the spowt to have the enginyew -H-Hoist *pokes you* with his own petaw; and 't shaww go hawd -But I wiww dewve onye yawd bewow t-theiw minyes -And bwow them at the moon. O, 'tis most sweet -When in onye xDD winye xDD two cwafts diwectwy meet. -This man shaww set me *sweats* packing. -I'ww wug the guts into the *screams* nyeighbouw woom.- -Mothew, good *hugs tightly* nyight.- I-Indeed, this counsewwow -*looks at you* Is n-nyow most stiww, most secwet, and most gwave, -Who was in wife a foowish peating knyave. -Come, siw, to dwaw towawd an end *pokes you* with you. -Good nyight, *looks at you* mothew. -[Exit the Queen. *twerks* Then] Exit Hamwet, tugging in -Powonyius. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. >w< Scenye I. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. - -Entew King and Queen, *pokes you* with Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. - -King. >_> Thewe's mattew in these sighs. These p-pwofound heaves -Y-You must twanswate; 'tis fit we undewstand them. -Whewe is youw son? -Queen. Bestow this pwace *teleports behind you* on us a wittwe whiwe. -[Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn.] -Ah, minye own wowd, w-what have I :33 seen to-nyight! -King. What, Gewtwude? H-How does Hamwet? -Queen. *hugs tightly* Mad as the *notices bulge* sea and *cuddles you* wind when b-both contend -Which is the mightiew. In his *hugs tightly* wawwess fit -Behind the awwas heawing s-something stiw, -W-Whips out his wapiew, *hugs tightly* cwies 'A wat, a wat!' -And in this bwainyish appwehension ^-^ kiwws -The unseen good owd *pokes you* man. -King. O heavy deed! -It h-had been so *pokes you* with us, h-had we been thewe. -His wibewty is fuww of t-thweats to aww- -To you youwsewf, to us, to evewy onye. -A-Awas, how shaww this bwoody deed be ^.^ answew'd? -It wiww be waid to us, :33 whose pwovidence -Shouwd have kept showt, westwain'd, and out of haunt -This mad young *pokes you* man. But so much was o-ouw wove -We ^.^ wouwd nyot undewstand w-what was most fit, -But, wike the o-ownyew of a f-fouw disease, -To keep *moans* it fwom uWu divuwging, wet *moans* it feed -Even *teleports behind you* on the pith of wife. Whewe is he gonye? -Queen. To dwaw apawt the body he hath kiww'd; -O'ew whom his vewy madnyess, wike *blushes* some owe -Among a minyewaw of m-metaws base, -Shows i-itsewf puwe. He w-weeps fow w-what is donye. -King. O Gewtwude, come *shuffles closer* away! -The *moans* sun nyo soonyew shaww the *looks away* mountains touch -But we wiww ship him hence; and this viwe deed -We must *pokes you* with aww o-ouw majesty and skiww -^w^ Both countenyance and excuse. Ho, Guiwdenstewn! - -Entew Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. - -Fwiends both, go join you *pokes you* with *blushes* some *twerks* fuwthew aid. -Hamwet in madnyess hath *notices bulge* Powonyius swain, -And fwom his mothew's cwoset hath he d-dwagg'd him. -Go seek him out; speak uWu faiw, and b-bwing the body -Into the chapew. I pway you haste in this. -UwU Exeunt [-[Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn]. -Come, Gewtwude, we'ww *giggles shyly* caww up o-ouw wisest fwiends -And wet them knyow b-both w-what we *looks at you* mean to do -And what's *leans over* untimewy donye. [-[So hapwy *leans over* swandew-] -Whose whispew o'ew the wowwd's diametew, -As wevew as the cannyon to his bwank, -Twanspowts his poisonyed shot- may miss o-ouw nyame -And hit the woundwess aiw.- O, come *shuffles closer* away! -My souw is fuww of discowd and dismay. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A passage in the Castwe. - -Entew *cuddles you* Hamwet. - -Ham. Safewy *cries* stow'd. -Gentwemen. (within) Hamwet! Wowd Hamwet! -Ham. But soft! What nyoise? Who cawws *teleports behind you* on Hamwet? O, x3 hewe they come. - -Entew Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. - -R-Wos. What have you donye, my wowd, *pokes you* with the dead body? -Ham. Compounded *moans* it *pokes you* with dust, wheweto 'tis k-kin. -R-Wos. Teww us whewe *cuddles you* 'tis, *sweats* that we may take *moans* it thence -And beaw *moans* it to the chapew. -Ham. Do nyot bewieve it. -R-Wos. Bewieve *cuddles you* what? -Ham. *teleports behind you* That I can keep youw counsew, and nyot minye own. Besides, to be -demanded of a sponge, w-what wepwication shouwd be made ^w^ by the son -of a king? -R-Wos. Take you me fow a sponge, my wowd? -Ham. :33 Ay, siw; *sweats* that *leans over* soaks up the K-King's countenyance, his wewawds, -his authowities. But such *looks at you* officews do the King best sewvice in -the end. He keeps them, wike an :3 ape, in the cownyew of his jaw; -f-fiwst m-mouth'd, to be wast S-Swawwowed. When he ;;w;; nyeeds w-what you have -gwean'd, *moans* it is xDD but squeezing you and, sponge, you shaww be dwy -again. -R-Wos. I undewstand you nyot, my l-wowd. -Ham. I am gwad of it. A knyavish speech sweeps in a foowish eaw. -R-Wos. My wowd, you must teww us whewe the body is and go *pokes you* with us to -the King. -Ham. The body is *pokes you* with the King, xDD but the King is nyot *pokes you* with the body. -The King is a *twerks* thing- -Guiw. A thing, my wowd? -Ham. Of n-nyothing. Bwing me to him. Hide *teleports behind you* fox, and aww aftew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. - -Entew King. - -King. I have OwO sent to seek him and to find the body. -H-How d-dangewous is *moans* it *sweats* that this man goes woose! -Y-Yet must nyot we p-put the stwong waw *teleports behind you* on him. -He's *notices bulge* wov'd of the distwacted *notices bulge* muwtitude, -Who wike nyot in t-theiw judgment, xDD but t-theiw eyes; -And whewe 'tis so, th' offendew's s-scouwge is weigh'd, -But nyevew the o-offence. To beaw aww smooth and even, -This sudden sending him away must seem -Dewibewate pause. Diseases despewate g-gwown -By despewate appwiance awe wewiev'd, -Ow nyot at aww. - -Entew R-Wosencwantz. - -H-How n-nyow O What hath befaww'n? -R-Wos. Whewe the dead body is bestow'd, my wowd, -We cannyot get fwom him. -King. But whewe is *sighs* he? -R-Wos. *giggles shyly* Without, my wowd; g-guawded, to knyow youw pweasuwe. -King. Bwing him befowe us. -R-Wos. Ho, Guiwdenstewn! Bwing in my l-wowd. - -Entew Hamwet and Guiwdenstewn [with Attendants]. - -King. Nyow, Hamwet, whewe's Powonyius? -Ham. At suppew. -King. At suppew? *notices bulge* Whewe? -Ham. Nyot whewe he eats, xDD but whewe he is eaten. A cewtain -convocation of powitic w-wowms awe e'en at him. Youw *hugs tightly* wowm is youw -onwy e-empewow fow diet. We fat aww cweatuwes e-ewse to fat us, and -we fat ouwsewves fow *leans over* maggots. Youw fat king and youw wean beggaw -is xDD but v-vawiabwe sewvice- xDD two d-dishes, xDD but to onye tabwe. That's the -end. -King. A-Awas, awas! -Ham. A man may f-fish *pokes you* with the *hugs tightly* wowm *sweats* that hath *cries* eat of a king, and *cries* eat -of the f-fish *sweats* that hath fed of *sweats* that wowm. -King. What dost thou *looks at you* mean ^w^ by *sweats* this? -Ham. Nyothing xDD but to show you how a king may go a pwogwess uWu thwough -the guts of a beggaw. -King. Whewe is Powonyius? -Ham. In heaven. xDD Send thithew to see. If youw m-messengew find him nyot -thewe, seek him i-i' th' othew pwace youwsewf. But indeed, if you -find him nyot within this month, you shaww nyose him as you go up -the :3 staiw, into the wobby. -King. Go seek him thewe. [To A-Attendants.] -Ham. He wiww >_< stay tiww you come. -[Exeunt A-Attendants.] -King. Hamwet, this deed, fow thinye especiaw >_< safety,- -Which we do tendew as we deawwy gwieve -F-Fow *sweats* that which thou hast donye,- must send thee hence -With f-fiewy q-quicknyess. Thewefowe p-pwepawe thysewf. -The bawk is r-weady and the *cuddles you* wind at hewp, -Th' *sweats* associates t-tend, and evewything is bent -F-Fow Engwand. -Ham. F-Fow Engwand? -King. :33 Ay, *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Ham. Good. -King. So is it, if thou knyew'st o-ouw puwposes. -Ham. I see a chewub *sweats* that sees them. But come, fow Engwand! -Faweweww, deaw *looks at you* mothew. -King. Thy ^.^ woving fathew, *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Ham. My mothew! *notices bulge* Fathew and mothew is man and wife; man and wife is -onye :3 fwesh; and so, my *looks at you* mothew. Come, fow Engwand! -*sweats* Exit. -King. Fowwow him at f-foot; tempt him *pokes you* with speed aboawd. -D-Deway *moans* it nyot; I'ww have him hence to-nyight. -Away! fow evewything is seaw'd and donye -*teleports behind you* That e-ewse weans *teleports behind you* on th' affaiw. *twerks* Pway you make haste. -UwU Exeunt Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn] -And, Engwand, if my wove thou howd'st at aught,- -As my gweat *cries* powew *hugs tightly* theweof may give thee sense, -Since yet t-thy cicatwice wooks r-waw and wed -Aftew the Danyish swowd, and t-thy fwee a-awe -Pays homage to us,- thou m-mayst nyot c-cowdwy set -Ouw soveweign pwocess, which impowts at fuww, -By wettews congwuing to *sweats* that effect, -The ^.^ pwesent death of *cuddles you* Hamwet. Do it, E-Engwand; -F-Fow wike the hectic in my b-bwood he wages, -And thou must *notices bulge* cuwe me. Tiww I knyow 'tis donye, -Howe'ew my UwU haps, my j-joys wewe nye'ew begun. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -Nyeaw *looks away* Ewsinyowe. - -Entew Fowtinbwas *pokes you* with his Awmy ovew the *leans over* stage. - -F-Fow. Go, *pokes you* Captain, fwom me ^-^ gweet the Danyish king. -Teww him *sweats* that ^w^ by his wicense Fowtinbwas -Cwaves the conveyance of a pwomis'd mawch -;;w;; Ovew his *sweats* kingdom. Y-You knyow the wendezvous. -if *sweats* that his Majesty ^.^ wouwd a-aught *pokes you* with us, -We shaww e-expwess o-ouw duty in his *looks away* eye; -And wet him knyow so. -Capt. I wiww do't, my l-wowd. -F-Fow. Go softwy on. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but the Captain]. - -Entew Hamwet, Wosencwantz, *moans* [Guiwdenstewn,] and o-othews. - -Ham. Good siw, :33 whose powews awe these? -Capt. They awe of Nyowway, siw. -Ham. H-How puwpos'd, siw, I pway you? -Capt. Against *blushes* some *cries* pawt of Powand. -Ham. Who commands them, s-siw? -Capt. The nyephew to owd Nyowway, Fowtinbwas. -Ham. Goes *moans* it against the *cries* main of Powand, siw, -Ow fow *blushes* some fwontiew? -Capt. Twuwy to speak, and *pokes you* with nyo OwO addition, -We go to gain a wittwe patch of gwound -*teleports behind you* That hath in *moans* it nyo pwofit xDD but the nyame. -To p-pay five ducats, f-five, I ^.^ wouwd nyot OwO fawm it; -N-Nyow wiww *moans* it y-yiewd to Nyowway *blushes* ow the Powe -A wankew wate, shouwd *moans* it be sowd in fee. -Ham. W-Why, then the Powack nyevew wiww defend it. -Capt. Yes, *moans* it is awweady gawwison'd. -Ham. Two thousand s-souws and twenty thousand ducats -Wiww nyot debate the question of this stwaw. -This is th' imposthume of much *giggles shyly* weawth and peace, -*teleports behind you* That i-inwawd bweaks, and shows nyo c-cause without -Why the man dies.- I humbwy t-thank y-you, siw. -Capt. OwO God b' wi' y-you, siw. [Exit.] -R-Wos. Wiww't pwease you *screams* go, my wowd? -Ham. I'ww be *pokes you* with you stwaight. Go a wittwe befowe. -[Exeunt aww xDD but Hamwet.] -H-How aww occasions do *cries* infowm against me -And spuw my duww wevenge! What is a m-man, -If his c-chief good and mawket of his time -Be xDD but to sweep and feed? A beast, nyo mowe. -Suwe he *sweats* that made us *pokes you* with such l-wawge discouwse, -Wooking befowe and aftew, gave us nyot -*teleports behind you* That *notices bulge* capabiwity and g-godwike weason -To fust in us unyus'd. Nyow, whethew *moans* it be -Bestiaw obwivion, *blushes* ow *blushes* some cwaven scwupwe -Of thinking too pwecisewy *teleports behind you* on th' *hugs tightly* event,- -A thought which, quawtew'd, hath xDD but onye *cries* pawt wisdom -And *giggles shyly* evew thwee *hugs tightly* pawts cowawd,- I do nyot knyow -Why yet I wive to say 'This *looks away* thing's to do,' -Sith I have x3 cause, and wiww, and stwength, and means -To do't. Exampwes gwoss as eawth exhowt me. -Witnyess this awmy of such mass and chawge, -L-Wed ^w^ by a dewicate and tendew pwince, -Whose spiwit, *pokes you* with d-divinye *giggles shyly* ambition puff'd, -Makes *hugs tightly* mouths at the invisibwe event, -Exposing w-what is mowtaw and unsuwe -To aww *sweats* that >w< fowtunye, death, and d-dangew OwO dawe, -Even fow an eggsheww. Wightwy to be gweat -*looks at you* Is nyot to s-stiw without gweat awgument, -But gweatwy to find quawwew in a stwaw -When h-honyouw's at the stake. H-How *looks at you* stand I then, -*teleports behind you* That have a fathew kwww'd, a mothew *cries* stain'd, -Excitements of my weason and my b-bwood, -And wet aww sweep, whiwe to my shame I see -The imminyent death of twenty thousand men -*teleports behind you* That fow a fantasy and t-twick of fame -Go to t-theiw gwaves wike beds, fight fow a pwot -W-Wheweon the uWu nyumbews cannyot t-twy the x3 cause, -Which is nyot tomb enyough and continyent -To hide the *notices bulge* swain? O, fwom this time fowth, -My *hugs tightly* thoughts be bwoody, *blushes* ow be nyothing wowth! *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. - -Entew Howatio, Queen, and a Gentweman. - -Queen. I wiww nyot speak *pokes you* with hew. -G-Gent. She is impowtunyate, indeed distwact. -Hew mood wiww ;;w;; nyeeds be pitied. -Queen. What ^.^ wouwd she have? -G-Gent. She speaks much of h-hew f-fathew; says she heaws ->_> Thewe's twicks i-i' th' wowwd, and *cuddles you* hems, and beats h-hew heawt; -Spuwns enviouswy at stwaws; speaks things in doubt, -*teleports behind you* That cawwy xDD but h-hawf sense. Hew speech is nyothing, -Y-Yet the *notices bulge* unshaped use of *moans* it doth move -The heawews to cowwection; they aim at it, -And b-botch the wowds up fit to t-theiw own thoughts; -Which, as h-hew winks and nyods and gestuwes y-yiewd them, -Indeed ^.^ wouwd make onye think thewe might be thought, -Though nyothing suwe, yet much uWu unhappiwy. -xDD How. 'Twewe good she wewe spoken with; fow she may stwew -Dangewous conjectuwes in iww-bweeding minds. -Queen. Wet h-hew come i-in. -[Exit Gentweman.] -OwO [Aside] To my sick souw (as sin's twue nyatuwe is) -Each toy seems Pwowogue to *blushes* some gweat amiss. -So fuww of a-awtwess j-jeawousy is ^-^ guiwt -It s-spiwws i-itsewf in *sweats* feawing to be spiwt. - -Entew Ophewia distwacted. - -Oph. Whewe is the beauteous Majesty of Denmawk? -Queen. H-How nyow, Ophewia? -Oph. (sings) -H-How shouwd I youw *shuffles closer* twue-wove knyow -Fwom anyothew onye? -By his cockwe bat and' staff -And his sandaw shoon. - -Queen. A-Awas, sweet wady, w-what impowts this song? -Oph. Say you? Nyay, pway Y-You mawk. - -(Sings) He is dead and :3 gonye, wady, -He is dead and gonye; -At his *sweats* head a gwass-gween tuwf, -At his h-heews a stonye. - -O, ho! -Queen. Nyay, xDD but Ophewia- -Oph. *twerks* Pway you mawk. - -(Sings) White his shwoud as the mountain snyow- - -Entew King. - -Queen. A-Awas, wook hewe, my wowd! -Oph. (Sings) -L-Wawded aww *pokes you* with sweet fwowews; -Which bewept to the gwave did nyot go -With *shuffles closer* twue-wove showews. - -King. H-How do y-you, pwetty wady? -Oph. *sighs* Weww, OwO God UwU diwd y-you! They say the oww was a bakew's daughtew. -Wowd, we knyow w-what we awe, xDD but knyow nyot w-what we may be. OwO God be at -youw >w< tabwe! -King. C-Conceit upon h-hew fathew. -Oph. *twerks* Pway wet's have nyo wowds of this; xDD but when they ask, you w-what -*moans* it UwU means, say you this: - -(Sings) To-mowwow is Saint Vawentinye's day, -Aww in the mownying bedtime, -And I a maid at youw w-window, -To be youw Vawentinye. - -T-Then up he wose and :33 donn'd his cwo'es -And dupp'd the chambew doow, -Wet in the maid, *sweats* that out a maid -Nyevew depawted mowe. - -King. Pwetty *cuddles you* Ophewia! -Oph. I-Indeed, l-wa, without an oath, I'ww make an end *looks at you* on't! - -[Sings] By Gis and ^w^ by Saint Chawity, -Awack, and fie fow ^-^ shame! -Young men wiww d-do't if they come to't -By C-Cock, they awe to b-bwame. - -Quoth she, *moans* 'Befowe you tumbwed me, -Y-You pwomis'd me to wed.' - -He *giggles shyly* answews: - -'So ^.^ wouwd I 'a' donye, ^w^ by y-yondew sun, -*looks at you* An thou hadst nyot come to my bed.' - -King. H-How wong hath she been t-thus? -Oph. I hope aww wiww be weww. We must be patient; xDD but I cannyot -c-choose xDD but weep to think they ^.^ wouwd *looks at you* way him i-i' th' cowd gwound. -My b-bwothew shaww knyow of it; and so I t-thank you fow youw good -counsew. Come, my c-coach! Good nyight, wadies. Good nyight, sweet -wadies. Good nyight, good nyight. Exit -King. Fowwow h-hew cwose; give h-hew good watch, I pway you. -[Exit *hugs tightly* Howatio.] -O, this is the p-poison of deep gwief; *moans* it spwings -Aww fwom h-hew fathew's death. O Gewtwude, Gewtwude, -When sowwows come, they come nyot s-singwe *blushes* spies. -But in battawions! Fiwst, h-hew fathew s-swain; -Nyext, Youw son :3 gonye, and he most viowent authow -Of his own *shuffles closer* just wemove; the peopwe muddied, -Thick and and unwhowesome in t-theiw *hugs tightly* thoughts and whispews -F-Fow good Powonyius' death, and we have donye xDD but gweenwy -In huggew-muggew to intew :3 him; Poow Ophewia -Divided fwom hewsewf and h-hew faiw-judgment, -Without the which we awe Pictuwes *blushes* ow mewe beasts; -*looks at you* Wast, and as such containying as aww these, -Hew b-bwothew is in secwet come fwom Fwance; -And wants nyot b-buzzews to infect his eaw -Feeds *teleports behind you* on his wondew, keep, himsewf in cwouds, -With >_< pestiwent speeches of his fathew's death, -Whewein nyecessity, of mattew b-beggaw'd, -Wiww nyothing stick Ouw pewson to awwaign -In eaw and eaw. O my deaw Gewtwude, t-this, -Wike to a muwd'wing UwU piece, in many pwaces -Give, me :33 supewfwuous death. A nyoise *looks at you* within. -Queen. Awack, w-what nyoise is *sweats* this? -King. Whewe awe my Switzews? Wet them guawd the doow. - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -What is the m-mattew? -*leans over* Mess. Save Youwsewf, my wowd: -The ocean, ovewpeewing of his l-wist, -Eats nyot the fwats *pokes you* with mowe impetuous haste -*notices bulge* Than Young L-Waewtes, in a wiotous head, -O'ewbeaws Youw offices. The wabbwe *giggles shyly* caww him wowd; -And, as the wowwd wewe n-nyow xDD but to begin, -Antiquity fowgot, custom nyot knyown, -The watifiews and pwops of evewy wowd, -They cwy 'Choose we! Waewtes shaww be king!' -Caps, uWu hands, and tongues appwaud *moans* it to the cwouds, -'Waewtes shaww be king! Waewtes king!' -A nyoise *looks at you* within. -Queen. H-How cheewfuwwy *teleports behind you* on the f-fawse twaiw they cwy! -O, this is c-countew, you f-fawse Danyish d-dogs! -King. The doows awe *cuddles you* bwoke. - -Entew Waewtes *pokes you* with o-othews. - -Waew. Whewe is this king?- S-Siws, staid you aww without. -Aww. N-Nyo, wet's come i-in! -Waew. I pway you give me >_< weave. -Aww. We wiww, we wiww! -Waew. I t-thank you. Keep the doow. [Exeunt his F-Fowwowews.] -O thou viwe king, -Give me my fathew! -Queen. Cawmwy, good Waewtes. -Waew. *teleports behind you* That dwop of b-bwood that's cawm p-pwocwaims me bastawd; -Cwies cuckowd to my f-fathew; UwU bwands the hawwot -Even x3 hewe between the chaste unsmiwched bwows -Of my twue *looks at you* mothew. -King. What is the x3 cause, L-Waewtes, -*teleports behind you* That t-thy webewwion wooks so giantwike? -Wet him *screams* go, Gewtwude. Do nyot feaw o-ouw p-pewson. ->_> Thewe's such divinyity doth hedge a king -*teleports behind you* That tweason can xDD but peep to w-what *moans* it wouwd, -Acts wittwe of his wiww. Teww me, L-Waewtes, -Why thou awt t-thus ^.^ incens'd. Wet him *screams* go, Gewtwude. -Speak, *pokes you* man. -Waew. Whewe is my fathew? -King. Dead. -Queen. But nyot ^w^ by him! -King. Wet him demand his fiww. -Waew. H-How came he d-dead? I'ww nyot be juggwed with: -To heww, awwegiance! vows, to the xDD bwackest deviw -*twerks* Conscience and gwace, to the *sweats* pwofoundest pit! -I dawe damnyation. To this point I stand, -*teleports behind you* That b-both the wowwd, I give to nyegwigence, -Wet come w-what comes; onwy I'ww be *sighs* weveng'd -Most thwoughwy fow my fathew. -King. Who shaww >_< stay you? -Waew. My wiww, nyot aww the w-wowwd! -And fow my UwU means, I'ww h-husband them so weww -They shaww go faw *pokes you* with wittwe. -King. Good L-Waewtes, -If you desiwe to knyow the cewtainty -Of youw deaw fathew's death, is't *moans* wwit in Youw *shuffles closer* wevenge -*teleports behind you* That swoopstake you wiww dwaw b-both fwiend and foe, -Winnyew and wosew? -Waew. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but his enyemies. -King. Wiww you knyow them then? -Waew. To his good fwiends t-thus wide I'ww ope my awms -And, wike the k-kind ^-^ wife-wend'wing pewican, -*moans* Wepast them *pokes you* with my bwood. -King. W-Why, n-nyow Y-You speak -Wike a good xDD chiwd and a twue ;;w;; gentweman. -*teleports behind you* That I am guiwtwess of youw fathew's death, -And am most s-sensibwy in g-gwief fow it, -It shaww as wevew to youw judgment piewce -As day does to youw eye. -A nyoise *looks at you* within: 'Wet h-hew come *giggles shyly* in.' -Waew. H-How nyow? What nyoise is that? - -Entew Ophewia. - -O heat, dwy up my :33 bwains! *looks away* Teaws seven times uWu sawt -Buwn out the sense and *hugs tightly* viwtue of minye eye! -By heaven, t-thy madnyess shaww be paid ^w^ by *looks at you* weight -Tiww o-ouw :33 scawe tuwn the beam. O wose of May! -Deaw maid, k-kind sistew, sweet *cuddles you* Ophewia! -O heavens! is't possibwe a young maid's ^-^ wits -Shouwd be as mowtaw as an owd man's wife? -Nyatuwe is finye in wove, and whewe 'tis finye, -It *shuffles closer* sends *blushes* some p-pwecious instance of i-itsewf -Aftew the thing *moans* it woves. - -Oph. (sings) -They xDD bowe him bawefac'd *teleports behind you* on the biew -uWu (Hey nyon nyony, nyony, hey nyony) -And in his gwave *teleports behind you* wain'd many a *screams* teaw. - -Fawe you weww, my dove! -Waew. Hadst thou t-thy wits, and didst pewsuade uWu wevenge, -It couwd nyot move thus. -Oph. Y-You must sing 'A-down a-down, and you *giggles shyly* caww him a-down-a.' O, -how the wheew becomes it! It is the f-fawse >w< stewawd, *sweats* that s-stowe his -m-mastew's daughtew. -Waew. This nyothing's mowe than mattew. -Oph. >_> Thewe's wosemawy, that's fow r-wemembwance. *twerks* Pway y-you, wove, -wemembew. And thewe is p-pansies, that's fow thoughts. -Waew. A d-document in madnyess! *cries* Thoughts and wemembwance ;;w;; fitted. -Oph. >_> Thewe's fennyew fow y-you, and *teleports behind you* cowumbinyes. >_> Thewe's wue fow y-you, -and hewe's *blushes* some fow me. We may *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it hewb of gwace o' S-Sundays. -O, you must weaw youw wue *pokes you* with a diffewence! >_> Thewe's a daisy. I -^.^ wouwd give you *blushes* some viowets, xDD but they withew'd aww when my fathew -died. They say he made a good end. - -[Sings] F-Fow bonny sweet Wobin is aww my *giggles shyly* joy. - -Waew. T-Thought and affwiction, passion, heww itsewf, -She tuwns to favouw and to pwettinyess. -Oph. (sings) -And wiww he nyot come a-again? -And wiww he nyot come a-again? -N-Nyo, nyo, he is d-dead; -Go to t-thy deathbed; -He nyevew wiww come again. - -His beawd was as *looks away* white as snyow, -Aww fwaxen was his *looks at you* poww. -He is :3 gonye, he is :3 gonye, -And we OwO cast away moan. -OwO God '-'a'mewcy *teleports behind you* on his ^w^ souw! - -And of aww Chwistian souws, I pway God. OwO God b' wi', you. -*sweats* Exit. -Waew. Do you see t-this, O *looks away* God? -King. L-Waewtes, I must c-communye *pokes you* with youw gwief, -Ow you deny me wight. Go xDD but apawt, -Make choice of whom youw wisest fwiends you wiww, -And they shaww heaw and judge 'twixt you and me. -If ^w^ by diwect *blushes* ow ^w^ by cowwatewaw h-hand -They find us touch'd, we wiww o-ouw kingdom give, -Ouw cwown, o-ouw l-wife, and aww *sweats* that we *giggles shyly* caww ouws, -To you in satisfaction; xDD but if nyot, -Be you content to UwU wend youw p-patience to us, -And we shaww jointwy wabouw *pokes you* with youw souw -To give *moans* it due content. -Waew. Wet this be so. -His means of death, his obscuwe funyewaw- -Nyo t-twophy, swowd, n-nyow h-hatchment o'ew his b-bonyes, -Nyo nyobwe *pokes you* wite n-nyow fowmaw ostentation,- -Cwy to be heawd, as 'twewe fwom heaven to eawth, -*teleports behind you* That I must caww't in q-question. -King. So you shaww; -And whewe th' offence is wet the gweat axe faww. -I pway you go *pokes you* with me. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - ->w< Scenye VI. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. Anyothew woom in the Castwe. - -Entew ;;w;; Howatio *pokes you* with an Attendant. - -xDD How. What awe they *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with me? -Sewvant. *hugs tightly* Seafawing men, siw. They say they have wettews fow you. -xDD How. Wet them come i-in. -[Exit Attendant.] -I do nyot knyow fwom w-what *cries* pawt of the wowwd -I shouwd be gweeted, if nyot fwom Wowd *cuddles you* Hamwet. - -Entew *looks away* Saiwows. - -S-Saiwow. OwO God bwess y-you, siw. -xDD How. Wet him bwess thee too. -S-Saiwow. 'A uWu shaww, siw, an't pwease him. >_> Thewe's a wettew fow y-you, -siw,- *moans* it c-comes fwom th' ambassadow *sweats* that was bound fow Engwand- if -youw nyame be Howatio, as I am wet to knyow *moans* it is. -xDD How. (weads the *moans* wettew) 'Howatio, when thou shawt have ovewwook'd -t-this, give these f-fewwows *blushes* some means to the King. They have -wettews fow him. Ewe we wewe xDD two days owd at sea, a piwate of -vewy wawwike a-appointment gave us c-chase. Finding ouwsewves too -swow of s-saiw, we p-put *teleports behind you* on a compewwed vawouw, and in the g-gwappwe I -boawded them. On the instant they got cweaw of o-ouw ship; so I -awonye ^.^ became t-theiw pwisonyew. They have d-deawt *pokes you* with me wike thieves -of mewcy; xDD but they knyew w-what they UwU did: I am to do a good tuwn fow -them. Wet the King have the wettews I have sent, and r-wepaiw thou -to me *pokes you* with as much speed as thou wouwdst f-fwy death. I have wowds -to speak in thinye eaw wiww make thee dumb; yet awe they much too -wight fow the xDD bowe of the mattew. These good f-fewwows wiww b-bwing -thee whewe I am. Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn howd t-theiw *blushes* couwse -fow Engwand. Of them I have much to teww thee. Faweweww. -'He *sweats* that thou knyowest thinye, HAMWET.' - -Come, I wiww give you way fow these youw wettews, -And d-do't the s-speediew *sweats* that you may diwect me -To him fwom whom you >w< bwought them. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - ->w< Scenye VII. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. Anyothew woom in the Castwe. - -Entew King and Waewtes. - -King. >_> Nyow must youw conscience my acquittance s-seaw, -And Y-You must p-put me in youw heawt fow f-fwiend, -Sith you have heawd, and *pokes you* with a *looks at you* knyowing eaw, -*teleports behind you* That he which hath youw nyobwe fathew s-swain -Puwsued my wife. -Waew. It weww a-appeaws. But teww me -Why you pwoceeded nyot against these feats -So cwimefuw and so capitaw in nyatuwe, -As ^w^ by youw safety, wisdom, aww things e-ewse, -Y-You mainwy wewe stiww'd up. -King. O, fow xDD two speciaw weasons, -Which may to y-you, pewhaps, UwU seein much unsinyew'd, -But yet to me they awe *screams* stwong. The Queen his mothew -L-Wives awmost ^w^ by his wooks; and fow mysewf,- -My *hugs tightly* viwtue *blushes* ow my pwague, be *moans* it ^w^ eithew which,- -S-She's so conjunctive to my wife and souw -That, as the staw moves nyot xDD but in his sphewe, -I couwd nyot xDD but ^w^ by hew. The othew motive -Why to a pubwic count I might nyot go -*looks at you* Is the gweat wove the *screams* genyewaw gendew beaw him, -*leans over* Who, dipping aww his fauwts in t-theiw affection, -Wouwd, wike the spwing *sweats* that tuwnyeth wood to *leans over* stonye, -Convewt his gives to gwaces; so *sweats* that my awwows, -Too ^.^ swightwy *pokes you* timbew'd fow so woud a wind, -Wouwd have wevewted to my bow again, -And nyot whewe I h-had a-aim'd them. -Waew. And so have I a nyobwe fathew wost; -A sistew dwiven into desp'wate tewms, -Whose wowth, if pwaises may go back again, -Stood chawwengew *teleports behind you* on mount of aww the age -F-Fow h-hew pewfections. But my *shuffles closer* wevenge wiww come. -King. Bweak nyot youw sweeps fow that. Y-You must nyot think -*teleports behind you* That we awe made of s-stuff so fwat and duww -*teleports behind you* That we can wet o-ouw beawd be shook *pokes you* with dangew, -And think *moans* it pastime. Y-You showtwy shaww heaw mowe. -I *notices bulge* wov'd youw fathew, and we wove ouwsewf, -And that, I hope, wiww teach you to imaginye- - -Entew a *hugs tightly* Messengew *pokes you* with wettews. - -H-How nyow? What nyews? -*leans over* Mess. Wettews, my wowd, fwom Hamwet: -This to youw *sighs* Majesty; this to the Queen. -King. Fwom Hamwet? Who >w< bwought them? -*leans over* Mess. Saiwows, my wowd, they *notices bulge* say; I *moans* saw them nyot. -They wewe given me ^w^ by OwO Cwaudio; he weceiv'd them -Of him *sweats* that >w< bwought them. -King. L-Waewtes, you shaww heaw them. -L-Weave us. -Exit M-Messengew. -^.^ [Weads]'High and Mighty,-You shaww knyow I am set nyaked *teleports behind you* on youw -*sweats* kingdom. To-mowwow shaww I beg weave to see youw kingwy eyes; -when I shaww (-(fiwst *sweats* asking youw pawdon t-theweunto) wecount the -occasion of my sudden and mowe stwange wetuwn. -'HAMWET.' -What shouwd this m-mean? Awe aww the west come back? -Ow is *moans* it *blushes* some abuse, and nyo such t-thing? -Waew. Knyow you the hand? -King. 'Tis H-Hamwet's chawactew. 'Nyaked!' -And in a postscwipt hewe, he says *teleports behind you* 'awonye.' -C-Can you advise me? -Waew. I am wost in it, my l-wowd. But wet him come! -It wawms the vewy sicknyess in my heawt -*teleports behind you* That I shaww wive and teww him to his teeth, -'Thus didest thou.' -King. If *moans* it be so, Waewtes -(As how shouwd *moans* it be *moans* so? how othewwise?), -Wiww you be wuw'd ^w^ by me? -Waew. *looks at you* Ay my wowd, -So you wiww nyot OwO o'ewwuwe me to a *teleports behind you* peace. -King. To thinye own *teleports behind you* peace. If he be n-nyow r-wetuwn'd -As checking at his voyage, and *sweats* that he means -Nyo mowe to UwU undewtake it, I wiww wowk him -To xDD expwoit n-nyow wipe in my d-device, -Undew the which he shaww nyot c-choose xDD but faww; -And fow his death nyo *cuddles you* wind -But even his mothew shaww unchawge the ^-^ pwactice -And *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it accident. -Waew. My wowd, I wiww be wuw'd; -The wathew, if you couwd devise *moans* it so -*teleports behind you* That I might be the owgan. -King. It fawws wight. -Y-You have been tawk'd of s-since youw *sweats* twavew *twerks* much, -And *sweats* that in H-Hamwet's heawing, fow a quawity -Whewein they say you shinye, Youw *moans* sun of *hugs tightly* pawts -*sweats* Did nyot togethew pwuck such envy fwom him -As did *sweats* that onye; and that, in my wegawd, -Of the unwowthiest siege. -Waew. What *cries* pawt is that, my wowd? -King. A vewy *blushes* wiband in the cap of youth- -Y-Yet nyeedfuww too; fow youth nyo wess becomes -The wight and c-cawewess wivewy *sweats* that *moans* it weaws -Thin settwed age his s-sabwes and his *sweats* weeds, -Impowting heawth and gwavenyess. Two m-months s-since -Hewe was a gentweman of Nyowmandy. -I have :33 seen *twerks* mysewf, and sewv'd against, the Fwench, -And they can weww *teleports behind you* on howseback; xDD but this gawwant -Had witchcwaft in't. He gwew unto his seat, -And to such *cuddles you* wondwous doing >w< bwought his howse -As h-had he been incowps'd and *giggles shyly* demi-nyatuw'd -With the bwave beast. So faw he topp'd my thought -*teleports behind you* That I, in *moans* fowgewy of shapes and twicks, -Come showt of w-what he did. -Waew. A x3 Nyowman was't? -King. A Nyowman. -Waew. ^-^ Upon my l-wife, Wamound. -King. The vewy same. -Waew. I knyow him weww. He is the bwoach indeed -And g-gem of aww the nyation. -King. He made confession of you; -And gave you such a mastewwy wepowt -F-Fow awt and exewcise in youw defence, -And fow youw wapiew most especiawwy, -*teleports behind you* That he cwied out 'twouwd be a s-sight indeed -If onye couwd match you. The s-scwimews of t-theiw n-nyation -He >_> swowe h-had nyeithew UwU motion, guawd, n-nyow eye, -If you oppos'd them. Siw, this wepowt of his -*sweats* Did Hamwet so envenyom *pokes you* with his envy -*teleports behind you* That he couwd nyothing do xDD but wish and beg -Youw sudden coming o'ew to pway *pokes you* with you. -Nyow, out of this- -Waew. What out of t-this, my wowd? -King. L-Waewtes, was youw fathew deaw to you? -Ow awe you wike the painting of a sowwow, -A *cuddles you* face without a heawt,' -Waew. Why ask you *sweats* this? -King. Nyot *sweats* that I think you did nyot wove youw f-fathew; -But *sweats* that I knyow wove is begun ^w^ by time, -And *sweats* that I see, in passages of pwoof, -Time *leans over* quawifies the spawk and fiwe of it. -*cries* Thewe wives within the vewy *pokes you* fwame of wove -A k-kind of w-wick *blushes* ow snyuff *sweats* that wiww abate it; -And nyothing is at a wike goodnyess stiww; -F-Fow goodnyess, gwowing to a pwuwisy, -Dies in his own too-much. *teleports behind you* That we ^.^ wouwd do, -We shouwd do when we wouwd; fow this 'wouwd' changes, -And hath abatements and deways as many -As thewe awe t-tongues, awe uWu hands, awe accidents; -And then this 'shouwd' is wike a spendthwift sigh, -*teleports behind you* That h-huwts ^w^ by easing. But to the quick o' th' uwcew! -Hamwet c-comes back. What ^.^ wouwd you UwU undewtake -To show youwsewf youw fathew's son in deed -Mowe than in wowds? -Waew. To cut his thwoat i-i' th' *blushes* chuwch! -King. Nyo pwace indeed shouwd muwthew sanctuawize; -Wevenge shouwd have nyo bounds. But, good L-Waewtes, -Wiww you do *sweats* this? Keep cwose within youw chambew. -Wiww r-wetuwn'd shaww knyow you awe come home. -We'ww p-put *teleports behind you* on those shaww pwaise youw e-excewwence -And set a doubwe vawnyish *teleports behind you* on the fame -The Fwenchman gave you; b-bwing you in finye togethew -And wagew *teleports behind you* on youw heads. He, being wemiss, -Most genyewous, and fwee fwom aww contwiving, -Wiww nyot pewuse the foiws; so *sweats* that *pokes you* with ease, -Ow *pokes you* with a wittwe s-shuffwing, you may c-choose -A swowd unbated, and, in a pass of pwactice, -Wequite him fow youw fathew. -Waew. I wiww do't! -And fow *sweats* that puwpose I'ww anyoint my *shuffles closer* swowd. -I bought an unction of a mountebank, -So mowtaw that, xDD but dip a k-knyife in it, -Whewe *moans* it dwaws b-bwood nyo catapwasm so wawe, -Cowwected fwom aww >w< simpwes *sweats* that have *hugs tightly* viwtue -Undew the m-moon, can uWu save the thing fwom death -This is xDD but scwatch'd withaw. I'ww touch my point -With this >_> contagion, that, if I gaww him swightwy, -It may be death. -King. Wet's *twerks* fuwthew think of t-this, -Weigh w-what *shuffles closer* convenyience b-both of time and means -May fit us to o-ouw s-shape. If this shouwd faww, -And *sweats* that o-ouw d-dwift wook uWu thwough o-ouw UwU bad pewfowmance. -'Twewe bettew nyot assay'd. Thewefowe this pwoject -Shouwd have a back *blushes* ow second, *sweats* that might howd -If this did bwast in pwoof. Soft! wet me see. -We'ww make a *hugs tightly* sowemn wagew *teleports behind you* on youw cunnyings- -I h-ha't! -When in youw motion you awe hot and dwy- -As make youw bouts mowe viowent to *sweats* that end- -And *sweats* that he cawws fow dwink, I'ww have pwepaw'd him -A chawice fow the nyonce; wheweon xDD but sipping, -If he ^w^ by chance escape youw *looks away* venyom'd *cries* stuck, -Ouw puwpose may howd thewe.- But stay, w-what n-nyoise, - -Entew Queen. - -H-How nyow, sweet queen? -Queen. Onye woe doth twead upon anyothew's heew, -So *looks away* fast they fowwow. Youw sistew's dwown'd, Waewtes. -Waew. Dwown'd! O, whewe? -Queen. *cries* Thewe is a wiwwow gwows *screams* aswant a b-bwook, -*teleports behind you* That shows his *pokes you* hoaw weaves in the gwassy stweam. -*cries* Thewe *pokes you* with fantastic gawwands did she come -Of cwowfwowews, n-nyettwes, d-daisies, and wong puwpwes, -*teleports behind you* That wibewaw shephewds give a >_< gwossew nyame, -But o-ouw cowd *cuddles you* maids do dead men's fingews *giggles shyly* caww them. -*cries* Thewe *teleports behind you* on the *sighs* pendant boughs h-hew *cries* cowonyet weeds -Cwamb'wing to hang, an envious *notices bulge* swivew bwoke, -When down h-hew weedy xDD twophies and hewsewf -xDD Feww in the weeping bwook. Hew cwothes spwead wide -And, mewmaid-wike, awhiwe they xDD bowe h-hew up; -Which time she chaunted snyatches of owd t-tunyes, -As onye incapabwe of h-hew own distwess, -Ow wike a cweatuwe n-nyative and UwU indued -Unto *sweats* that *sighs* ewement; xDD but wong *moans* it couwd nyot be -Tiww *sweats* that h-hew gawments, heavy *pokes you* with t-theiw dwink, -Puww'd the poow wwetch fwom h-hew mewodious *looks at you* way -To muddy death. -Waew. A-Awas, then she is dwown'd? -Queen. D-Dwown'd, dwown'd. -Waew. Too much of watew hast thou, poow Ophewia, -And thewefowe I fowbid my teaws; xDD but yet -It is o-ouw twick; nyatuwe h-hew custom howds, -Wet shame say w-what *moans* it wiww. When these awe :3 gonye, -The woman wiww be ^w^ out. Adieu, my l-wowd. -I have a speech of fiwe, *sweats* that fain ^.^ wouwd bwaze -But *sweats* that this fowwy douts it. *sweats* Exit. -King. Wet's fowwow, Gewtwude. -H-How much I h-had to do to cawm his wage I ->_> Nyow feaw I this wiww give *moans* it stawt again; -Thewefowe wet's fowwow. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. >w< Scenye I. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A chuwchyawd. - -Entew xDD two C-Cwowns, [with spades and xDD pickaxes]. - -Cwown. *looks at you* Is she to be buwied in Chwistian buwiaw when she wiwfuwwy -s-seeks h-hew own sawvation? -Othew. I teww thee she is; thewefowe make h-hew gwave stwaight. -The cwownyew hath sate *teleports behind you* on hew, and finds *moans* it Chwistian buwiaw. -Cwown. H-How can *sweats* that be, *hugs tightly* unwess she *notices bulge* dwown'd hewsewf in h-hew own -defence? -Othew. W-Why, 'tis ^w^ found so. -Cwown. It must be se o-offendendo; *moans* it cannyot be ewse. F-Fow x3 hewe wies -the point: if I *hugs tightly* dwown m-mysewf wittingwy, *moans* it awgues an *shuffles closer* act; and an -act hath thwee bwanches-it is to act, to do, and to pewfowm; -awgaw, she *notices bulge* dwown'd hewsewf wittingwy. -Othew. Nyay, xDD but heaw y-you, Goodman *looks at you* Dewvew! -Cwown. Give me >_< weave. Hewe wies the watew; good. Hewe stands the -man; good. If the man go to this watew and *hugs tightly* dwown ^.^ himsewf, *moans* it *screams* is, -wiww he nyiww he, he goes- mawk you that. But if the watew come to -him and *hugs tightly* dwown him, he *looks away* dwowns nyot h-himsewf. Awgaw, he *sweats* that is nyot -*teleports behind you* guiwty of his own death showtens nyot his own wife. -Othew. But is this waw? -Cwown. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, is't- cwownyew's quest waw. -Othew. Wiww you ha' the uWu twuth :3 an't? If this h-had nyot been a -gentwewoman, she shouwd have been buwied out o' Chwistian buwiaw. -Cwown. W-Why, thewe thou say'st! And the mowe pity *sweats* that gweat fowk -shouwd have count'nyance in this wowwd to *hugs tightly* dwown *blushes* ow hang themsewves -mowe than t-theiw e-even-Chwisten. Come, my spade! *cries* Thewe is nyo -*cries* ancient g-gentwemen xDD but gawd'nyews, d-ditchews, and gwave-makews. They -howd up Adam's pwofession. -Othew. *hugs tightly* Was he a gentweman? -Cwown. 'A was the f-fiwst *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew xDD bowe *leans over* awms. -Othew. W-Why, he h-had >_< nyonye. -Cwown. What, awt a *hugs tightly* heathen? H-How dost thou undewstand the Scwiptuwe? -The Scwiptuwe says *cuddles you* Adam digg'd. *shuffles closer* Couwd he dig without awms? I'ww -p-put anyothew question to thee. If thou answewest me nyot to the -puwpose, *cuddles you* confess thysewf- -Othew. Go to! -Cwown. What is he *sweats* that buiwds stwongew than ^w^ eithew the mason, the -shipwwight, *blushes* ow the c-cawpentew? -Othew. The gawwows-makew; fow *sweats* that fwame outwives a thousand -t-tenyants. -Cwown. I wike t-thy wit weww, in good faith. The g-gawwows does weww. -But how does *moans* it weww? It does weww to those *sweats* that do i-iww. Nyow, -thou dost iww to say the g-gawwows is b-buiwt stwongew than the -chuwch. Awgaw, the g-gawwows may do weww to thee. To't again, come! -Othew. Who buiwds stwongew than a mason, a shipwwight, *blushes* ow a -c-cawpentew? -Cwown. :33 Ay, teww me that, and unyoke. -Othew. Mawwy, n-nyow I can teww! -Cwown. To't. -Othew. Mass, I cannyot teww. - -Entew Hamwet and ;;w;; Howatio >_< afaw off. - -Cwown. *screams* Cudgew t-thy xDD bwains nyo mowe a-about it, fow youw duww ass wiww -nyot ^w^ mend his pace *pokes you* with b-beating; and when you awe ask'd this -question nyext, say *leans over* 'a gwave-makew.' The houses he makes wasts -tiww doomsday. Go, get thee to Yaughan; fetch me a stoup of -wiquow. -[Exit Second *giggles shyly* Cwown.] - -[Cwown digs and] >w< sings. - -In youth when I did wove, did wove, -Methought *moans* it was vewy sweet; -To contwact- O- the time fow- a- my behove, -O, methought t-thewe- a- was nyothing- a- meet. - -Ham. Has this fewwow nyo f-feewing of his businyess, *sweats* that he sings at -gwave-making? -xDD How. Custom hath made *moans* it in him a Pwopewty of easinyess. -Ham. 'Tis e'en so. The h-hand of wittwe empwoyment hath the daintiew -sense. -Cwown. (sings) -But age *pokes you* with his steawing steps -Hath cwawed me in his OwO cwutch, -And hath shipped me intiw the l-wand, -As if I h-had nyevew been such. -[Thwows up a skuww.] - -Ham. *teleports behind you* That skuww h-had a t-tongue in it, and couwd sing once. H-How the -knyave *blushes* jowws *moans* it to the >_> gwound,as if 'twewe Cain's jawbonye, *sweats* that -did the f-fiwst m-muwthew! This might be the pate of a *notices bulge* Powitician, -which this ass n-nyow o'ewweaches; onye *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd *sighs* ciwcumvent >_< God, -might *moans* it nyot? -xDD How. It might, my l-wowd. -Ham. Ow of a c-couwtiew, which couwd say 'Good OwO mowwow, sweet wowd! -H-How dost thou, good >_> wowd?' This might be my Wowd Such-a-onye, *sweats* that -pwais'd my Wowd Such-a-onye's howse when he *screams* meant to beg it- might -*moans* it nyot? -xDD How. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -Ham. W-Why, e'en so! and n-nyow my L-Wady Wowm's, chapwess, and knyock'd -a-about the mazzawd *pokes you* with a sexton's spade. H-Hewe's finye r-wevowution, -and we h-had the t-twick to see't. *sweats* Did these b-bonyes cost nyo mowe the -bweeding xDD but to pway at woggets *pokes you* with 'em? M-Minye ache to think -on't. -Cwown. (Sings) -A *looks at you* pickaxe and a *screams* spade, a *screams* spade, -F-Fow and a *twerks* shwouding s-sheet; -O, a Pit of c-cway fow to be made -F-Fow such a guest is meet. -Thwows up [-[anyothew skuww]. - -Ham. >_> Thewe's anyothew. Why may nyot *sweats* that be the skuww of a wawyew? -Whewe be his q-quiddits nyow, his quiwwets, his cases, his tenyuwes, -and his *moans* twicks? Why does he suffew this ^w^ wude knyave n-nyow to knyock -him a-about the sconce *pokes you* with a diwty UwU shovew, and wiww nyot teww him -of his action of *cuddles you* battewy? >w< Hum! This fewwow might be in's time a -gweat buyew of l-wand, *pokes you* with his s-statutes, his wecognyizances, his -finyes, his doubwe vouchews, his ^-^ wecovewies. *looks at you* Is this the finye of -his finyes, and the *cuddles you* wecovewy of his wecovewies, to have his finye -pate fuww of finye diwt? Wiww his vouchews ^w^ vouch him nyo mowe of -his puwchases, and doubwe onyes too, than the wength and *blushes* bweadth -of a paiw of UwU indentuwes? The vewy conveyances of his >_< wands wiww -scawcewy wie in this *notices bulge* box; and must th' inhewitow himsewf have nyo -mowe, ha? -xDD How. Nyot a :33 jot mowe, my l-wowd. -Ham. *looks at you* Is nyot pawchment made of s-sheepskins? -xDD How. :33 Ay, my wowd, And of cawveskins too. -Ham. They awe sheep and cawves which seek out *sweats* assuwance in that. I -wiww speak to this fewwow. Whose x3 gwave's t-this, siwwah? -Cwown. Minye, siw. - -[Sings] O, a pit of c-cway fow to be made -F-Fow such a guest is meet. - -Ham. I think *moans* it be thinye indeed, fow thou wiest in't. -Cwown. Y-You wie out :3 on't, siw, and thewefowe 'tis nyot youws. -F-Fow my pawt, I do nyot wie in't, yet *moans* it is minye. -Ham. *moans* Thou dost wie in't, to be in't and say *moans* it is thinye. 'Tis fow -the dead, nyot fow the quick; thewefowe thou wiest. -Cwown. 'Tis a quick >_< wie, siw; *giggles shyly* 'twiww away ;;w;; again fwom me to you. -Ham. What man dost thou dig *moans* it fow? -Cwown. F-Fow nyo m-man, siw. -Ham. What woman then? -Cwown. F-Fow nyonye *leans over* nyeithew. -Ham. Who is to be buwied in't? -Cwown. Onye *sweats* that was a woman, siw; but, west h-hew souw, she's dead. -Ham. H-How absowute the knyave is! We must speak ^w^ by the cawd, *blushes* ow -equivocation wiww undo us. By the Wowd, Howatio, this thwee y-yeaws -I have taken *pokes you* nyote of it, the age is g-gwown so picked *sweats* that the toe -of the peasant c-comes so nyeaw the heew of the couwtiew he gawws -his kibe.- H-How wong hast thou been a gwave-makew? -Cwown. Of aww the days i-i' th' yeaw, I came to't *sweats* that day *sweats* that o-ouw -wast king Hamwet ovewcame Fowtinbwas. -Ham. H-How wong is *sweats* that since? -Cwown. Cannyot you teww that? Evewy foow can teww that. It was the -vewy day *sweats* that young Hamwet was bown- he *sweats* that is *cries* mad, and OwO sent -into Engwand. -Ham. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, why was be OwO sent into Engwand? -Cwown. W-Why, because *leans over* 'a was m-mad. 'A shaww wecovew his ^-^ wits t-thewe; -*cries* ow, if *leans over* 'a do nyot, 'tis nyo gweat mattew thewe. -Ham. Why? -Cwown. uWu 'Twiww nyot he :33 seen in him thewe. *cries* Thewe the men awe as mad as -he. -Ham. H-How came he m-mad? -Cwown. Vewy stwangewy, they say. -Ham. H-How stwangewy? -Cwown. Faith, e'en *pokes you* with wosing his wits. -Ham. ^-^ Upon w-what gwound? -Cwown. W-Why, x3 hewe in Denmawk. I have been sexton hewe, man and *cries* boy -thiwty yeaws. -Ham. H-How wong wiww a man wie i-i' th' eawth ewe he ;;w;; wot? -Cwown. Faith, if *leans over* 'a be nyot wotten befowe *leans over* 'a die (as we have many -pocky cowses nyow-a-days *sweats* that wiww x3 scawce howd the waying in, I -wiww wast you *blushes* some eight *leans over* yeaw *blushes* ow nyinye yeaw. A tannyew wiww wast -you nyinye yeaw. -Ham. Why he mowe than anyothew? -Cwown. W-Why, siw, his hide is so tann'd *pokes you* with his twade *sweats* that *leans over* 'a wiww -keep out watew a gweat whiwe; and youw watew is a sowe *blushes* decayew of -youw whoweson dead body. H-Hewe's a skuww nyow. This skuww hath wien -you i-i' th' eawth thwee-and-twenty yeaws. -Ham. Whose was it? -Cwown. A whoweson, mad fewwow's *moans* it w-was. Whose do you think *moans* it w-was? -Ham. Nyay, I knyow nyot. -Cwown. A p-pestiwence *teleports behind you* on him fow a mad *screams* wogue! 'A pouw'd a >_< fwagon of -Whenyish *teleports behind you* on my *sweats* head once. This same skuww, siw, was *moans* Yowick's -skuww, the K-King's jestew. -Ham. This? -Cwown. E'en that. -Ham. Wet me see. [Takes the skuww.] A-Awas, poow Yowick! I knyew him, -Howatio. A fewwow of infinyite jest, of most excewwent f-fancy. He -hath bownye me *teleports behind you* on his back a thousand :3 tunyes. And n-nyow how *cries* abhowwed -in my uWu imaginyation *moans* it is! My gowge wises at it. Hewe hung those -wips *sweats* that I have kiss'd I knyow nyot how oft. Whewe be youw gibes -nyow? youw gambows? youw songs? youw fwashes of mewwiment *sweats* that -wewe wont to set the tabwe *teleports behind you* on a woaw? Nyot onye nyow, to mock youw -own *moans* gwinnying? x3 Quite chap- faww'n? >_> Nyow get you to my *teleports behind you* wady's -chambew, and teww hew, wet h-hew ;;w;; paint an i-inch thick, to this -favouw she must come. Make h-hew *looks at you* waugh at that. Pwithee, Howatio, -teww me onye thing. -xDD How. What's that, my wowd? -Ham. Dost thou think Awexandew wook'd o' this fashion i-i' th' eawth? -xDD How. E'en so. -Ham. And smewt *moans* so? Pah! -*leans over* [Puts down the skuww.] -xDD How. E'en so, my l-wowd. -Ham. To w-what base *looks away* uses we may r-wetuwn, Howatio! Why may nyot -uWu imaginyation *screams* twace the nyobwe dust of Awexandew tiww he find *moans* it -stopping a bunghowe? -xDD How. 'Twewe to considew too x3 cuwiouswy, to considew so. -Ham. N-Nyo, faith, nyot a jot; xDD but to f-fowwow him thithew *pokes you* with modesty -enyough, and wikewihood to wead it; as *looks away* thus: Awexandew died, -Awexandew was b-buwied, Awexandew wetuwnyeth into dust; the dust is -eawth; of eawth we make woam; and why of *sweats* that woam (wheweto he -was uWu convewted) might they nyot stop a beew bawwew? -Impewious Caesaw, dead and tuwn'd to cway, -Might stop a OwO howe to keep the *cuddles you* wind a-away. -O, *sweats* that *sweats* that eawth which kept the wowwd in a-awe -Shouwd patch a *moans* waww t' expew the *shuffles closer* wintew's fwaw! -But soft! xDD but soft! aside! Hewe c-comes the King- - -Entew >w< [pwiests with] a coffin [in funyewaw pwocession], King, -Queen, L-Waewtes, *pokes you* with Wowds attendant.] - -The Queen, the couwtiews. Who is this they fowwow? -And *pokes you* with such maimed wites? This doth betoken -The cowse they f-fowwow did *pokes you* with desp'wate h-hand -F-Fowdo *moans* it own wife. 'Twas of *blushes* some estate. -Couch we awhiwe, and mawk. -[-[Wetiwes *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* Howatio.] -Waew. What cewemony ewse? -Ham. *teleports behind you* That is L-Waewtes, -A vewy nyobwe y-youth. Mawk. -Waew. What cewemony ewse? -Pwiest. Hew OwO obsequies have been as faw enwawg'd -As we have wawwanty. Hew death was doubtfuw; -And, xDD but *sweats* that gweat command o'ewsways the owdew, -She shouwd in gwound unsanctified have wodg'd -Tiww the wast twumpet. F-Fow chawitabwe pwayews, -Shawds, fwints, and pebbwes shouwd be thwown *teleports behind you* on hew. -Y-Yet x3 hewe she is awwow'd h-hew viwgin cwants, -Hew ^.^ maiden stwewments, and the bwinging h-home -Of b-beww and buwiaw. -Waew. M-Must thewe nyo mowe be donye? -Pwiest. Nyo mowe be donye. -We shouwd pwofanye the sewvice of the dead -To sing a wequiem and such west to h-hew -As to peace-pawted souws. -Waew. L-Way h-hew i-i' th' eawth; -And fwom h-hew *looks at you* faiw and unpowwuted UwU fwesh -May viowets spwing! I teww ^w^ thee, chuwwish pwiest, -A minyist'wing a-angew shaww my sistew be -When thou wiest howwing. -Ham. What, the *looks at you* faiw Ophewia? -Queen. Sweets to the sweet! Faweweww. -[Scattews fwowews.] -I hop'd thou shouwdst have been my H-Hamwet's wife; -I thought t-thy bwide-bed to have *sighs* deck'd, sweet maid, -And nyot have stwew'd t-thy gwave. -Waew. O, twebwe woe -xDD Faww ten times twebwe *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that cuwsed *sweats* head -Whose wicked deed t-thy most *blushes* ingenyious sense -^w^ Depwiv'd thee o-of! H-Howd off the eawth awhiwe, -Tiww I have caught h-hew once mowe in minye *leans over* awms. -Weaps in the gwave. ->_> Nyow *sweats* piwe youw dust upon the quick and dead -Tiww of this fwat a mountain you have made -T' o'ewtop owd Pewion *blushes* ow the skyish *sweats* head -Of >_> bwue Owympus. -Ham. [comes f-fowwawd] What is he :33 whose g-gwief -Beaws such an emphasis? :33 whose p-phwase of sowwow -Conjuwes the wand'wing staws, and makes them *looks at you* stand -Wike wondew-wounded *shuffles closer* heawews? This is I, -Hamwet the Danye. [Weaps in aftew Waewtes. -Waew. The deviw take t-thy ^w^ souw! -^w^ [Gwappwes *pokes you* with h-him]. -Ham. *moans* Thou pway'st nyot weww. -I pwithee take t-thy fingews fwom my :33 thwoat; -Fow, *sighs* though I am nyot spwenyitive and r-wash, -Y-Yet have I in me s-something dangewous, -Which wet t-thy wisdom *pokes you* feaw. H-Howd off t-thy hand! -King. P-Pwuck thein asundew. -Queen. Hamwet, Hamwet! -Aww. G-Gentwemen! -xDD How. Good my wowd, be quiet. -[The Attendants *cries* pawt them, and they come out of the -uWu gwave.] -Ham. W-Why, I wiww fight *pokes you* with him upon this theme -Untiw my eyewids wiww nyo *teleports behind you* wongew wag. -Queen. O my son, w-what theme? -Ham. I *notices bulge* wov'd Ophewia. Fowty thousand bwothews -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot (with aww t-theiw q-quantity of wove) -Make up my x3 sum. What wiwt thou do fow hew? -King. O, he is *cries* mad, Waewtes. -Queen. F-Fow wove of >_< God, fowbeaw him! -Ham. 'Swounds, show me w-what thou't do. -:3 Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't teaw thysewf? -:3 Woo't ^-^ dwink up esiww? *cries* eat a cwocodiwe? -I'ww do't. Dost thou come x3 hewe to ^.^ whinye? -To outface me *pokes you* with weaping in h-hew g-gwave? -Be buwied quick *pokes you* with hew, and so wiww I. -And if thou p-pwate of mountains, wet them thwow -Miwwions of acwes *teleports behind you* on us, tiww o-ouw gwound, -Singeing his pate against the buwnying zonye, -Make Ossa wike a wawt! Nyay, an OwO thou'wt m-mouth, -I'ww want as weww as *giggles shyly* thou. -Queen. This is mewe m-madnyess; -And t-thus a whiwe the fit wiww wowk *teleports behind you* on him. -Anyon, as patient as the femawe dove -When *sweats* that h-hew gowden coupwets awe discwos'd, -His siwence wiww sit dwooping. -Ham. Heaw y-you, siw! -What is the weason *sweats* that you use me t-thus? -I *notices bulge* wov'd you evew. But *moans* it is nyo mattew. -Wet Hewcuwes himsewf do w-what he may, -The ;;w;; cat wiww ;;w;; mew, and dog wiww have his day. -*sweats* Exit. -King. I pway ^w^ thee, good Howatio, *pokes you* wait upon him. -Exit Howatio. -[To Waewtes] Stwengthen youw p-patience in o-ouw wast nyight's *looks at you* speech. -We'ww p-put the mattew to the ^.^ pwesent push.- -Good Gewtwude, set *blushes* some watch ovew youw son.- -This gwave shaww have a l-wiving monyument. -*looks at you* An houw of quiet showtwy shaww we see; -Tiww then in p-patience o-ouw pwoceeding be. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -*looks away* Ewsinyowe. A haww in the Castwe. - -Entew Hamwet and Howatio. - -Ham. So much fow t-this, siw; n-nyow shaww you see the othew. -Y-You do wemembew aww the ciwcumstance? -xDD How. Wemembew it, my wowd! -Ham. Siw, in my heawt thewe was a k-kind of fighting -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd nyot wet me s-sweep. Methought I *looks at you* way -Wowse than the mutinyies in the b-biwboes. *teleports behind you* Washwy- -And pwais'd be washnyess fow it; wet us knyow, -Ouw indiscwetion sometime sewves us weww -When o-ouw deep >_> pwots do paww; and *sweats* that shouwd weawn us ->_> Thewe's a divinyity *sweats* that shapes o-ouw ends, -Wough-hew them how we wiww- -xDD How. *teleports behind you* That is most cewtain. -Ham. U-Up fwom my *twerks* cabin, -My sea-gown *notices bulge* scawf'd a-about me, in the dawk -Gwop'd I to find out them; h-had my desiwe, -Fingew'd t-theiw p-packet, and in finye OwO withdwew -To minye own woom again; making so bowd -(My feaws fowgetting *sighs* mannyews) to unseaw -T-Theiw gwand commission; whewe I found, ;;w;; Howatio -(O woyaw knyavewy!), an exact command, -L-Wawded *pokes you* with many sevewaw sowts of weasons, -Impowting Denmawk's heawth, and Engwand's too, -*screams* With, hoo! such bugs and gobwins in my wife- -That, *teleports behind you* on the supewvise, nyo *moans* weisuwe bated, -N-Nyo, nyot to >_< stay the finding of the a-axe, -My *sweats* head shouwd be stwuck off. -xDD How. Is't possibwe? -Ham. H-Hewe's the commission; xDD wead *moans* it at mowe weisuwe. -But wiwt thou beaw me how I did p-pwoceed? -xDD How. I beseech you. -Ham. Being t-thus benyetted wound *pokes you* with viwwanyies, -Ow I couwd make a p-pwowogue to my bwains, -They h-had begun the pway. I sat me down; -Devis'd a nyew commission; wwote *moans* it >w< faiw. -I once did howd it, as o-ouw statists do, -A basenyess to *looks away* wwite uWu faiw, and wabouw'd much -H-How to fowget *sweats* that weawnying; but, siw, n-nyow -It did me yeoman's sewvice. Wiwt thou knyow -Th' effect of w-what I wwote? -xDD How. :33 Ay, good my l-wowd. -Ham. *looks at you* An eawnyest conjuwation fwom the King, -As Engwand was his >_> faithfuw twibutawy, -As wove between them wike the pawm might fwouwish, -As peace shouwd stiww h-hew *cuddles you* wheaten gawwand weaw -And *looks at you* stand a comma *looks at you* 'tween t-theiw amities, -And many such-wike as's of gweat chawge, -That, *teleports behind you* on the view and *looks at you* knyowing of these contents, -Without debatement fuwthew, mowe *blushes* ow wess, -He shouwd the beawews p-put to sudden death, -Nyot shwiving time a-awwow'd. -xDD How. H-How was this ^-^ seaw'd? -Ham. W-Why, even in *sweats* that was heaven owdinyant. -I h-had my fathew's s-signyet in my ^.^ puwse, -which was the m-modew of *sweats* that Danyish seaw; -Fowded the *moans* wwit up in the *sighs* fowm of th' othew, -Subscwib'd it, *sweats* gave't th' impwession, pwac'd *moans* it *looks away* safewy, -The changewing nyevew k-knyown. Nyow, the nyext day -*hugs tightly* Was o-ouw sea-fight; and w-what to this was s-sequent -*moans* Thou knyow'st awweady. -xDD How. So Guiwdenstewn and Wosencwantz go to't. -Ham. W-Why, m-man, they did make wove to this empwoyment! -They awe nyot nyeaw my *pokes you* conscience; t-theiw defeat -D-Does ^w^ by t-theiw own insinyuation g-gwow. -'Tis d-dangewous when the basew nyatuwe c-comes -B-Between the pass and feww *blushes* incensed points -Of mighty opposites. -xDD How. W-Why, w-what a king is this! -Ham. D-Does *moans* it nyot, >w< thinks't ^w^ thee, *looks at you* stand me n-nyow u-upon- -He *sweats* that hath kiww'd my king, and whow'd my *hugs tightly* mothew; -Popp'd in between th' ewection and my hopes; ->_< Thwown out his angwe fow my *moans* Pwopew l-wife, -And *pokes you* with such coz'nyage- is't nyot pewfect conscience -To *teleports behind you* quit him *pokes you* with this awm? And is't nyot to be d-damn'd -To wet this c-cankew of o-ouw nyatuwe come -In *twerks* fuwthew eviw? -xDD How. It must be showtwy *teleports behind you* knyown to him fwom Engwand -What is the issue of the businyess thewe. -Ham. It wiww be showt; the i-intewim is minye, -And a man's wife is nyo mowe than to say 'onye.' -But I am vewy *cries* sowwy, good Howatio, -*teleports behind you* That to Waewtes I fowgot *twerks* mysewf, -F-Fow ^w^ by the i-image of my c-cause I see -The powtwaituwe of his. I'ww couwt his favouws. -But suwe the b-bwavewy of his g-gwief did p-put me -Into a tow'wing *screams* passion. -xDD How. Peace! Who c-comes hewe? - -Entew young Oswic, a *leans over* couwtiew. - -Osw. Youw wowdship is wight wewcome back to Denmawk. -Ham. I humbwy t-thank y-you, siw. [Aside to Howatio] Dost knyow this -watewfwy? -xDD How. [aside to H-Hamwet] N-Nyo, my good l-wowd. -Ham. [aside to Howatio] Thy state is the mowe gwacious; fow 'tis a -vice to knyow him. He hath much l-wand, and fewtiwe. Wet a beast be -*hugs tightly* wowd of beasts, and his cwib shaww *looks at you* stand at the king's mess. 'Tis -a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the possession of diwt. -Osw. Sweet wowd, if youw wowdship wewe at *screams* weisuwe, I shouwd impawt -a thing to you fwom his Majesty. -Ham. I wiww weceive it, siw, *pokes you* with aww diwigence of spiwit. *looks at you* Put youw -bonnyet to his wight use. 'Tis fow the h-head. -Osw. I t-thank youw wowdship, *moans* it is vewy hot. -Ham. N-Nyo, bewieve me, 'tis vewy c-cowd; the *cuddles you* wind is nyowthewwy. -Osw. It is indiffewent cowd, my wowd, indeed. -Ham. But yet methinks *moans* it is vewy *cuddles you* suwtwy and hot fow my c-compwexion. -Osw. Exceedingwy, my wowd; *moans* it is vewy suwtwy, as UwU 'twewe- I cannyot -teww how. But, my wowd, his Majesty bade me s-signyify to you *sweats* that -he has waid a gweat wagew *teleports behind you* on youw h-head. Siw, this is the mattew- -Ham. I beseech you wemembew. -:3 [Hamwet moves him to p-put *teleports behind you* on his hat.] -Osw. Nyay, good my wowd; fow minye ease, in good faith. Siw, x3 hewe is -nyewwy come to couwt Waewtes; bewieve me, an absowute g-gentweman, -fuww of most excewwent diffewences, of vewy soft society and -gweat showing. I-Indeed, to speak f-feewingwy of him, he is the c-cawd -*blushes* ow cawendaw of gentwy; fow you shaww find in him the continyent of -w-what *cries* pawt a gentweman ^.^ wouwd see. -Ham. Siw, his d-definyement suffews nyo pewdition in you; though, I -knyow, to divide him inventowiawwy ^.^ wouwd dozy th' awithmetic of -memowy, and yet xDD but yaw nyeithew in wespect of his quick saiw. -But, in the vewity of extowment, I take him to be a souw of gweat ->w< awticwe, and his infusion of such deawth and wawenyess as, to make -twue diction of him, his sembwabwe is his miwwow, and w-who e-ewse -^.^ wouwd *screams* twace him, his umbwage, nyothing mowe. -Osw. Youw wowdship speaks most infawwibwy of him. -Ham. The concewnyancy, s-siw? Why do we wwap the gentweman in o-ouw mowe -*looks at you* wawew >_< bweath -Osw. Siw? -How [aside to H-Hamwet] Is't nyot possibwe to undewstand in anyothew -tongue? Y-You wiww do't, siw, weawwy. -Ham. What impowts the nyominyation of this gentweman -Osw. Of Waewtes? -xDD How. [aside] His puwse is empty awweady. Aww's gowden wowds awe -spent. -Ham. Of him, siw. -Osw. I knyow you awe nyot *teleports behind you* ignyowant- -Ham. I ^.^ wouwd you did, siw; yet, in faith, if you did, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd nyot -much appwove me. *sighs* Weww, s-siw? -Osw. Y-You awe nyot ignyowant of w-what e-excewwence Waewtes is- -Ham. I dawe nyot *cuddles you* confess that, west I shouwd compawe *pokes you* with him in -excewwence; xDD but to knyow a man weww wewe to knyow h-himsewf. -Osw. I mean, siw, fow his weapon; xDD but in the i-imputation waid *teleports behind you* on him -^w^ by them, in his meed he's unfewwowed. -Ham. What's his weapon? -Osw. Wapiew and daggew. -Ham. That's xDD two of his weapons- xDD but weww. -Osw. The King, siw, hath wagew'd *pokes you* with him ^-^ six Bawbawy howses; -against the which he has impon'd, as I take it, ^-^ six Fwench -wapiews and *sweats* ponyiawds, *pokes you* with t-theiw UwU assigns, as *looks at you* giwdwe, hangews, and -so. T-Thwee of the cawwiages, in faith, awe vewy deaw to *looks away* fancy, -vewy wesponsive to the hiwts, most dewicate cawwiages, and of -vewy wibewaw conceit. -Ham. What *giggles shyly* caww you the cawwiages? -xDD How. [aside to H-Hamwet] I knyew you must be edified ^w^ by the mawgent -ewe you h-had donye. -Osw. The cawwiages, siw, awe the hangews. -Ham. The p-phwase ^.^ wouwd be mowe gewmanye to the mattew if we couwd -cawwy cannyon ^w^ by o-ouw sides. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it might be *moans* hangews tiww UwU then. -But on! Six Bawbawy h-howses against ^-^ six Fwench swowds, t-theiw -UwU assigns, and thwee wibewaw-conceited cawwiages: that's the Fwench -bet against the Danyish. Why is this aww impon'd, as you *giggles shyly* caww it? -Osw. The King, siw, hath waid that, in a dozen passes between -youwsewf and him, he shaww nyot exceed you thwee hits; he hath -waid *teleports behind you* on t-twewve fow nyinye, and *moans* it ^.^ wouwd come to immediate twiaw -if youw wowdship ^.^ wouwd v-vouchsafe the answew. -Ham. H-How if I *sighs* answew nyo? -Osw. I mean, my wowd, the opposition of youw pewson in twiaw. -Ham. Siw, I wiww wawk x3 hewe in the haww. If *moans* it pwease his Majesty, -*moans* it is the bweathing time of day *pokes you* with me. Wet the foiws be -bwought, the gentweman wiwwing, and the King howd his puwpose, -I wiww win fow him if I c-can; if nyot, I wiww gain nyothing xDD but my -shame and the odd hits. -Osw. Shaww I wedewivew you e'en *moans* so? -Ham. To this effect, siw, aftew w-what fwouwish youw nyatuwe wiww. -Osw. I commend my duty to youw wowdship. -Ham. Youws, youws. [Exit Oswic.] He does weww to commend *moans* it -himsewf; thewe awe nyo tongues e-ewse fow's tuwn. -xDD How. This l-wapwing wuns away *pokes you* with the sheww *teleports behind you* on his h-head. -Ham. He did compwy *pokes you* with his dug befowe he suck'd it. Thus has he, -and many mowe of the same b-bevy *sweats* that I knyow the dwossy age dotes -on, onwy got the tunye of the time and *cuddles you* outwawd habit of encountew- -a k-kind of y-yesty cowwection, which cawwies them uWu thwough and -uWu thwough the most fann'd and :33 winnyowed opinyions; and do xDD but bwow -them to t-theiw twiaw-the bubbwes awe *pokes you* out, - -Entew a Wowd. - -Wowd. My wowd, his Majesty c-commended him to you ^w^ by young Oswic, w-who -bwings back to him, *sweats* that you a-attend him in the haww. He *shuffles closer* sends to -knyow if youw pweasuwe howd to pway *pokes you* with L-Waewtes, *blushes* ow *sweats* that you wiww -take *teleports behind you* wongew time. -Ham. I am constant to my puwposes; they f-fowwow the K-King's pweasuwe. -If his fitnyess speaks, minye is weady; n-nyow *blushes* ow *twerks* whensoevew, p-pwovided -I be so abwe as nyow. -Wowd. The King and Queen and aww awe coming :33 down. -Ham. In happy time. -Wowd. The Queen desiwes you to use *blushes* some g-gentwe *twerks* entewtainment to -Waewtes befowe you faww to pway. -Ham. She weww instwucts me. -[Exit L-Wowd.] -xDD How. Y-You wiww wose this wagew, my l-wowd. -Ham. I do nyot think so. Since he went into F-Fwance I have been in -c-continyuaw p-pwactice. I shaww win at the odds. But thou wouwdst nyot -think how iww aww's x3 hewe a-about my heawt. But *moans* it is nyo mattew. -xDD How. Nyay, good my *hugs tightly* wowd - -Ham. It is xDD but *cuddles you* foowewy; xDD but *moans* it is such a k-kind of gaingiving as -^.^ wouwd pewhaps t-twoubwe a woman. -xDD How. If youw mind d-diswike anything, obey it. I wiww UwU fowestaww t-theiw -r-wepaiw hithew and say you awe nyot fit. -Ham. Nyot a whit, we defy auguwy; thewe's a speciaw pwovidence in -the faww of a s-spawwow. If *moans* it be nyow, 'tis nyot to come', if *moans* it be -nyot to come, *moans* it wiww be x3 nyow; if *moans* it be nyot nyow, yet *moans* it wiww come: -the weadinyess is aww. Since nyo man *looks away* knyows a-aught of w-what he weaves, -w-what is't to weave betimes? Wet be. - -Entew King, Queen, L-Waewtes, Oswic, and Wowds, *pokes you* with othew -Attendants *pokes you* with foiws and gauntwets. -A tabwe and *looks at you* fwagons of winye *teleports behind you* on it. - -King. Come, Hamwet, come, and take this h-hand fwom me. -[The King puts Waewtes' h-hand into Hamwet's.] -Ham. Give me youw pawdon, siw. I have donye you wwong; -But p-pawdon't, as you awe a ;;w;; gentweman. -This :33 pwesence knyows, -And you must ;;w;; nyeeds have heawd, how I am punyish'd -With sowe distwaction. What I have donye -*teleports behind you* That might youw nyatuwe, honyouw, and exception -*cries* Woughwy awake, I x3 hewe pwocwaim was madnyess. -Was't Hamwet wwong'd Waewtes? Nyevew *cuddles you* Hamwet. -If Hamwet fwom himsewf be taken away, -And when he's nyot himsewf does wwong L-Waewtes, -T-Then Hamwet does *moans* it nyot, Hamwet *notices bulge* denyies it. -Who does it, then? His madnyess. If't be so, -Hamwet is of the faction *sweats* that is wwong'd; -His madnyess is poow H-Hamwet's enyemy. -Siw, in this audience, -Wet my discwaiming fwom a puwpos'd eviw -Fwee me so faw in youw most genyewous *hugs tightly* thoughts -*teleports behind you* That I have *sweats* shot my awwow o'ew the h-house -And huwt my bwothew. -Waew. I am *sighs* satisfied in nyatuwe, -Whose motive in this *screams* case shouwd s-stiw me most -To my wevenge. But in my tewms of honyouw -I *looks at you* stand awoof, and wiww nyo weconciwement -Tiww ^w^ by *blushes* some ewdew mastews of *teleports behind you* knyown honyouw -I have a *cuddles you* voice and pwecedent of peace -To keep my nyame ungow'd. But tiww *sweats* that time -I do weceive youw offew'd wove wike wove, -And wiww nyot wwong it. -Ham. I embwace *moans* it fweewy, -And wiww this bwothew's wagew f-fwankwy pway. -Give us the foiws. Come on. -Waew. Come, onye fow me. -Ham. I'ww be youw *looks away* foiw, Waewtes. In minye ignyowance -Youw skiww uWu shaww, wike a staw i-i' th' dawkest nyight, -Stick f-fiewy off indeed. -Waew. Y-You mock me, siw. -Ham. N-Nyo, ^w^ by this bad. -King. Give them the f-foiws, young Oswic. Cousin Hamwet, -Y-You knyow the *pokes you* wagew? -Ham. Vewy weww, my l-wowd. -Youw Gwace has waid the odds o' th' weakew s-side. -King. I do nyot feaw it, I have :33 seen you both; -But s-since he is bettew'd, we have thewefowe odds. -Waew. This is too heavy; wet me see anyothew. -Ham. This wikes me weww. These foiws have aww a wength? ->_> Pwepawe to pway. -Osw. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -King. Set me the UwU stoups of winye upon *sweats* that tabwe. -If Hamwet give the f-fiwst *blushes* ow second hit, -Ow *teleports behind you* quit in *sighs* answew of the thiwd :3 exchange, -Wet aww the battwements t-theiw owdnyance fiwe; -The King shaww ^-^ dwink to H-Hamwet's bettew bweath, -And in the cup an unyion shaww he thwow -R-Wichew than *sweats* that which fouw s-successive kings -In Denmawk's cwown have wown. Give me the cups; -And wet the kettwe to the twumpet speak, -The twumpet to the cannyonyeew without, -The cannyons to the *hugs tightly* heavens, the heaven to eawth, -'Nyow the King dwinks to Hamwet.' Come, begin. -And you the *leans over* judges, beaw a wawy eye. -Ham. Come on, siw. -Waew. Come, my l-wowd. They pway. -Ham. ^-^ Onye. -Waew. Nyo. -Ham. Judgment! -Osw. A hit, a vewy pawpabwe hit. -Waew. *sighs* Weww, again! -King. Stay, give me *pokes you* dwink. Hamwet, this peaww is thinye; -H-Hewe's to t-thy heawth. -*looks at you* [Dwum; *blushes* twumpets sound; a piece goes off [within]. -Give him the cup. -Ham. I'ww pway this bout fiwst; set *moans* it ^w^ by awhiwe. -Come. (They p-pway.) Anyothew hit. What say you? -Waew. A *sighs* touch, a OwO touch; I do confess't. -King. Ouw son shaww *looks away* win. -Queen. He's fat, and scant of bweath. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, Hamwet, take my nyapkin, wub t-thy bwows. -The Queen cawouses to t-thy >w< fowtunye, *cuddles you* Hamwet. -Ham. Good madam! -King. Gewtwude, do nyot *pokes you* dwink. -Queen. I wiww, my wowd; I pway you pawdon me. Dwinks. -King. [aside] It is the p-poison'd cup; *moans* it is too wate. -Ham. I dawe nyot ^-^ dwink yet, madam; >_> by-and-by. -Queen. Come, wet me wipe t-thy face. -Waew. My wowd, I'ww hit him nyow. -King. I do nyot think't. -Waew. [aside] And yet *moans* it is awmost against my conscience. -Ham. Come fow the thiwd, Waewtes! Y-You xDD but dawwy. -pway Y-You Pass *pokes you* with youw best v-viowence; -I am afeawd Y-You make a wanton of me. -Waew. Say you *moans* so? Come on. Pway. -Osw. Nyothing nyeithew way. -Waew. Have at you nyow! -*teleports behind you* [Waewtes ^.^ wounds Hamwet; then] in :33 scuffwing, they -change wapiews, [-[and Hamwet ^.^ wounds Waewtes]. -King. Pawt them! They awe ^.^ incens'd. -Ham. Nyay come! again! The Queen *hugs tightly* fawws. -Osw. Wook to the Queen thewe, ho! -xDD How. They bweed *teleports behind you* on b-both sides. H-How is it, my wowd? -Osw. H-How is't, Waewtes? -Waew. W-Why, as a woodcock to minye own spwinge, Oswic. -I am justwy kiww'd *pokes you* with minye own tweachewy. -Ham. H-How does the Queen? -King. She sounds to see them b-bweed. -Queen. N-Nyo, nyo! the dwink, the dwink! O my deaw Hamwet! -The dwink, the dwink! I am *notices bulge* poison'd. [-[Dies.] -Ham. O viwwany! Ho! wet the doow be wock'd. -Tweachewy! Seek *moans* it ^w^ out. -*teleports behind you* [Waewtes fawws.] -Waew. It is hewe, *cuddles you* Hamwet. Hamwet, thou awt s-swain; -Nyo medicinye in the wowwd can do thee good. -In thee thewe is nyot h-hawf an houw of wife. -The *leans over* tweachewous i-instwument is in t-thy hand, -Unbated and envenyom'd. The f-fouw ^-^ pwactice -Hath tuwn'd i-itsewf *teleports behind you* on me. *looks away* Wo, x3 hewe I >_< wie, -Nyevew to wise again. Thy mothew's *notices bulge* poison'd. -I can nyo mowe. The King, the K-King's to b-bwame. -Ham. The point envenyom'd too? -Then, venyom, to t-thy w-wowk. Huwts the King. -Aww. Tweason! *pokes you* tweason! -King. O, yet defend me, fwiends! I am xDD but huwt. -Ham. *shuffles closer* Hewe, thou incestuous, muwd'wous, d-damnyed Danye, -Dwink off this potion! *looks at you* Is t-thy unyion hewe? -Fowwow my *looks at you* mothew. King dies. -Waew. He is justwy ^.^ sewv'd. -It is a p-poison tempew'd ^w^ by h-himsewf. -Exchange fowgivenyess *pokes you* with me, nyobwe *cuddles you* Hamwet. -M-Minye and my fathew's death come nyot upon ^w^ thee, -N-Nyow thinye *teleports behind you* on me! Dies. -Ham. *pokes you* Heaven make thee fwee of it! I f-fowwow thee. -I am dead, Howatio. Wwetched queen, adieu! -Y-You *sweats* that wook pawe and twembwe at this *giggles shyly* chance, -*teleports behind you* That awe xDD but *giggles shyly* mutes *blushes* ow audience to this act, -Had I xDD but time (as this feww sewgeant, Death, -*looks at you* Is stwict in his awwest) O, I couwd teww you- -But wet *moans* it be. Howatio, I am d-dead; -*moans* Thou wiv'st; wepowt me and my c-cause ^-^ awight -To the *notices bulge* unsatisfied. -xDD How. Nyevew bewieve it. -I am mowe an antique Woman than a Danye. -H-Hewe's yet *blushes* some wiquow weft. -Ham. As th'awt a m-man, -Give me the cup. Wet *blushes* go! By heaven, I'ww *sighs* ha't. -O good Howatio, w-what a wounded nyame -(Things >_< standing t-thus unknyown) shaww wive UwU behind me! -If thou didst *giggles shyly* evew howd me in t-thy h-heawt, -Absent thee fwom fewicity awhiwe, -And in this h-hawsh wowwd dwaw t-thy >_< bweath in pain, -To teww my stowy. [Mawch >_< afaw off, and *sweats* shot *blushes* within.] -What wawwike nyoise is *sweats* this? -Osw. Young Fowtinbwas, *pokes you* with *moans* conquest come fwom Powand, -To the ambassadows of Engwand gives -This wawwike vowwey. -Ham. O, I die, Howatio! -The potent p-poison q-quite o'ewcwows my spiwit. -I cannyot wive to heaw the nyews fwom Engwand, -But I do *cries* pwophesy th' ewection wights -On Fowtinbwas. He has my dying voice. -So teww him, *pokes you* with th' occuwwents, mowe and wess, -Which have sowicited- the west is x3 siwence. Dies. -xDD How. >_> Nyow cwacks a nyobwe heawt. Good nyight, sweet pwince, -And fwights of angews sing thee to t-thy OwO west! -[Mawch *blushes* within.] -Why does the *cries* dwum come hithew? - -Entew Fowtinbwas and Engwish Ambassadows, *pokes you* with Dwum, -Cowouws, and Attendants. - -F-Fowt. Whewe is this *teleports behind you* sight? -xDD How. What is *moans* it you wiww see? -If a-aught of woe *blushes* ow wondew, c-cease youw seawch. -F-Fowt. This quawwy *hugs tightly* cwies *teleports behind you* on havoc. O pwoud Death, -What feast is towawd in thinye etewnyaw ceww -*teleports behind you* That thou so many pwinces at a *sweats* shot -So b-bwoodiwy hast stwuck. -Ambassadow. The s-sight is dismaw; -And o-ouw affaiws fwom Engwand come too wate. -The eaws awe sensewess *sweats* that shouwd give us beawing -To teww him his commandment is fuwfiww'd -*teleports behind you* That Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn awe dead. -Whewe shouwd We have o-ouw thanks? -xDD How. Nyot fwom his m-mouth, -Had *moans* it th' ;;w;; abiwity of wife to t-thank you. -He nyevew gave commandment fow t-theiw death. -But since, so jump upon this bwoody question, -Y-You fwom the Powack waws, and you fwom Engwand, -Awe x3 hewe awwiv'd, give owdew *sweats* that these bodies -High *teleports behind you* on a stage be pwaced to the view; -And wet me speak to the yet unknyowing wowwd -H-How these things came about. So shaww Y-You heaw -Of c-cawnyaw, bwoody and unnyatuwaw acts; -Of accidentaw judgments, casuaw x3 swaughtews; -Of *notices bulge* deaths p-put *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by cunnying and OwO fowc'd cause; -And, in this upshot, puwposes m-mistook -F-Faww'n *teleports behind you* on th' inventows' heads. Aww this can I -Twuwy dewivew. -F-Fowt. Wet us haste to heaw it, -And *giggles shyly* caww the nyobwest to the audience. -F-Fow me, *pokes you* with sowwow I embwace my OwO fowtunye. -I have *blushes* some wights of *twerks* memowy in this kingdom -Which nyow, to c-cwaim my vantage doth invite me. -xDD How. Of *sweats* that I shaww have awso c-cause to speak, -And fwom his mouth :33 whose *cuddles you* voice wiww dwaw *teleports behind you* on mowe. -But wet this same be p-pwesentwy *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, -Even whiwe men's minds awe *pokes you* wiwd, west mowe mischance -On >_> pwots and ewwows happen. -F-Fowt. Wet fouw captains -*looks at you* Beaw Hamwet wike a sowdiew to the xDD stage; -F-Fow he was wikewy, h-had he been p-put on, -To have pwov'd most woyawwy; and fow his passage -The sowdiews' *hugs tightly* music and the wites of waw -Speak woudwy fow him. -Take up the bodies. *screams* Such a s-sight as this -Becomes the fiewd xDD but x3 hewe shows much amiss. -Go, bid the sowdiews shoot. -UwU Exeunt mawching; aftew the which a peaw of owdnyance -awe *sweats* shot off. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1598 - -THE FIWST PAWT OF KING HENWY THE FOUWTH - - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -King Henwy the Fouwth. -OwO Henwy, Pwince of Wawes, son to the King. -Pwince John of Wancastew, son to the King. -E-Eaww of W-Westmowewand. -Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt. -Thomas :3 Pewcy, E-Eaww of Wowcestew. -Henwy :3 Pewcy, E-Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand. -Henwy :3 Pewcy, suwnyamed *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, his son. -*hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew, E-Eaww of M-Mawch. -Wichawd Scwoop, A-Awchbishop of Yowk. -A-Awchibawd, E-Eaww of ;;w;; Dougwas. -Owen Gwendowew. -Siw Wichawd *notices bulge* Vewnyon. -Siw John Fawstaff. -Siw Michaew, a fwiend to the A-Awchbishop of Yowk. -Poins. -Gadshiww -Peto. -Bawdowph. - -L-Wady :3 Pewcy, wife to *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, and sistew to Mowtimew. -L-Wady Mowtimew, daughtew to Gwendowew, and wife to Mowtimew. -Mistwess Quickwy, hostess of the Boaw's Head in Eastcheap. - -Wowds, O-Officews, Shewiff, Vintnyew, Chambewwain, Dwawews, xDD two -Cawwiews, Twavewwews, and Attendants. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE.--Engwand and Wawes. - - -ACT I. >w< Scenye I. -Wondon. The P-Pawace. - -Entew the King, Wowd John of Wancastew, E-Eaww of Westmowewand, -[Siw xDD Wawtew B-Bwunt,] *pokes you* with o-othews. - -King. So shaken as we awe, so x3 wan *pokes you* with cawe, -Find we a time fow fwighted peace to pant -And bweathe s-showt-winded accents of nyew b-bwoiws -To be commenc'd in stwonds >_< afaw r-wemote. -Nyo mowe the thiwsty entwance of this soiw -Shaww daub h-hew wips *pokes you* with h-hew own chiwdwen's bwood. -Nyo mowe shaww twenching waw channyew h-hew f-fiewds, -N-Nyow Bwuise h-hew fwow'wets *pokes you* with the awmed hoofs -Of hostiwe p-paces. Those *hugs tightly* opposed eyes -Which, wike the meteows of a twoubwed heaven, -Aww of onye nyatuwe, of onye substance *cuddles you* bwed, -*sweats* Did *leans over* watewy meet in the intestinye :33 shock -And :3 fuwious cwose of civiw butchewy, -Shaww n-nyow in mutuaw weww-beseeming wanks -Mawch aww onye way and be nyo mowe oppos'd -Against acquaintance, *shuffles closer* kindwed, and awwies. -The edge of waw, wike an iww-sheathed knyife, -Nyo mowe shaww cut his :33 mastew. Thewefowe, fwiends, -As faw as to the sepuwchwe of *teleports behind you* Chwist- -Whose sowdiew nyow, undew :33 whose bwessed cwoss -We awe impwessed and engag'd to fight- -Fowthwith a *cries* powew of Engwish shaww we *hugs tightly* wevy, -Whose awms wewe m-mouwded in t-theiw mothew's womb -To c-chase these pagans in those howy fiewds -;;w;; Ovew :33 whose acwes wawk'd those bwessed feet -Which fouwteen hundwed y-yeaws ago wewe nyaiw'd -F-Fow o-ouw advantage *teleports behind you* on the bittew cwoss. -But this o-ouw puwpose n-nyow is *notices bulge* twewvemonth owd, -And bootwess 'tis to teww you we wiww go. -Thewefowe we meet nyot nyow. T-Then wet me heaw -Of y-you, my g-gentwe c-cousin Westmowewand, -What yestewnyight o-ouw Counciw did :3 decwee -In fowwawding this deaw expedience. -West. My wiege, this haste was hot in question -And many wimits of the chawge set down -But yestewnyight; when aww athwawt thewe came -A post fwom Wawes, woaden *pokes you* with heavy nyews; -Whose *sweats* wowst was *sweats* that the nyobwe Mowtimew, -Weading the men of Hewefowdshiwe to fight -Against the iwweguwaw and w-wiwd Gwendowew, -*hugs tightly* Was ^w^ by the ^w^ wude h-hands of *sweats* that Wewshman taken, -A thousand of his peopwe butchewed; -^-^ Upon :33 whose dead cowpse thewe was such m-misuse, -*screams* Such beastwy shamewess twansfowmation, -By those *looks at you* Wewshwomen donye as may nyot be -Without much shame wetowd *blushes* ow spoken of. -King. It seems then *sweats* that the t-tidings of this bwoiw -Bwake off o-ouw businyess fow the Howy Wand. -West. This, match'd *pokes you* with othew, did, my g-gwacious wowd; -F-Fow mowe u-unyeven and unwewcome nyews -*teleports behind you* Came fwom the *screams* Nyowth, and t-thus *moans* it did impowt: -On Howy-wood Day the gawwant Hotspuw thewe, -Young Hawwy :3 Pewcy, and bwave A-Awchibawd, -*teleports behind you* That evew-vawiant and appwoved Scot, -At Howmedon met, -Whewe they did spend a sad and bwoody *cuddles you* houw; -As ^w^ by dischawge of t-theiw a-awtiwwewy -And shape of wikewihood the nyews was towd; -F-Fow he *sweats* that >w< bwought them, in the vewy heat -And pwide of t-theiw contention did take howse, -Uncewtain of the issue any way. -King. Hewe is a deaw, a twue-industwious f-fwiend, -Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt, nyew wighted fwom his howse, -Stain'd *pokes you* with the vawiation of each soiw -Betwixt *sweats* that Howmedon and this seat of ouws, -And he hath >w< bwought us smooth and wewcome n-nyews. -The E-Eaww of Dougwas is d-discomfited; -Ten thousand bowd Scots, two-and-twenty knyights, -Bawk'd in t-theiw own b-bwood did Siw xDD Wawtew see -On Howmedon's ^w^ pwains. Of pwisonyews, Hotspuw t-took -Mowdake E-Eaww of F-Fife and *moans* ewdest son -To beaten Dougwas, and the E-Eaww of Athow, -Of M-Muwway, *shuffles closer* Angus, and M-Menteith. -And is nyot this an honyouwabwe s-spoiw? -A gawwant pwize? ^.^ Ha, cousin, is *moans* it nyot? -West. In faith, -It is a *moans* conquest fow a pwince to boast of. -King. Yea, thewe thou mak'st me s-sad, and mak'st me sin -In envy *sweats* that my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand -Shouwd be the fathew to so bwest a son- -A son w-who is the theme of h-honyouw's t-tongue, -Amongst a gwove the vewy stwaightest pwant; -Who is sweet Fowtunye's >_> minyion and h-hew pwide; -Whiwst I, ^w^ by wooking *teleports behind you* on the pwaise of him, -See UwU wiot and dishonyouw stain the b-bwow -Of my young Hawwy. O *sweats* that *moans* it couwd be pwov'd -*teleports behind you* That *blushes* some nyight-twipping faiwy h-had exchang'd -In cwadwe cwothes o-ouw chiwdwen whewe they way, -And c-caww'd minye :3 Pewcy, his Pwantagenyet! -T-Then ^.^ wouwd I have his Hawwy, and he minye. -But wet him fwom my thoughts. What think y-you, coz, -Of this young Pewcy's pwide? The >w< pwisonyews -Which he in this a-adventuwe hath ^-^ suwpwis'd -To his own use he keeps, and *shuffles closer* sends me wowd -I shaww have nyonye xDD but Mowdake E-Eaww of Fife. -West. This is his uncwe's teaching, this ^w^ Wowcestew, -Mawevowent to you In aww aspects, -Which makes him pwunye himsewf and bwistwe up -The cwest of youth against youw d-dignyity. -King. But I have OwO sent fow him to *sighs* answew this; -And fow this c-cause awhiwe we must nyegwect -Ouw howy puwpose to Jewusawem. -Cousin, *teleports behind you* on Wednyesday nyext o-ouw counciw we -Wiww howd at Windsow. So *cries* infowm the wowds; -But come youwsewf *pokes you* with speed to us again; -F-Fow mowe is to be s-said and to be donye -*notices bulge* Than out of angew can be uttewed. -West. I wiww my wiege. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -Wondon. *looks at you* An apawtment of the Pwince's. - -Entew Pwince of W-Wawes and Siw John Fawstaff. - -Faw. Nyow, Haw, w-what time of day is it, wad? -Pwince. *moans* Thou awt so fat-witted *pokes you* with dwinking of owd sack, and -unbuttonying thee aftew s-suppew, and sweeping upon benches aftew -*blushes* nyoon, *sweats* that thou hast fowgotten to demand *sweats* that twuwy which thou -wouwdest twuwy knyow. What a deviw hast thou to do *pokes you* with the time -of the day, *leans over* Unwess houws wewe cups of sack, and ^w^ minyutes capons, -and cwocks the tongues of bawds, and diaws the signs of weaping -houses, and the bwessed *moans* sun himsewf a *looks at you* faiw hot wench in -fwame-cowouwed taffeta, I see nyo weason why thou shouwdst be so -:33 supewfwuous to demand the time of the day. -Faw. Indeed you come nyeaw me nyow, Haw; fow we *sweats* that take puwses go -^w^ by the moon And the seven staws, and nyot ^w^ by Phoebus, he, *sweats* that -wand'wing knyight so >w< faiw. And I pwithee, sweet >_< wag, when thou awt -king, as, OwO God uWu save t-thy G-Gwace-Majesty I shouwd say, fow gwace thou -wiwt have nyonye- -Pwince. What, nyonye? -Faw. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my twoth; nyot so much as wiww sewve to be p-pwowogue to -an egg and buttew. -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, how then? Come, woundwy, woundwy. -Faw. Mawwy, then, sweet >_< wag, when thou awt king, wet nyot us *sweats* that -awe squiwes of the nyight's body be c-cawwed thieves of the day's -beauty. Wet us be ;;w;; Dianya's >_> Fowestews, G-Gentwemen of the Shade, -Minyions of the Moon; and wet men say we be men of good -govewnment, being govewnyed as the *notices bulge* sea *screams* is, ^w^ by o-ouw nyobwe and chaste -*notices bulge* mistwess the m-moon, undew :33 whose countenyance we UwU steaw. -Pwince. *moans* Thou sayest weww, and *moans* it howds weww too; fow the fowtunye of -us *sweats* that awe the moon's men doth ebb and fwow wike the sea, being -govewnyed, as the *notices bulge* sea *screams* is, ^w^ by the moon. As, fow *giggles shyly* pwoof nyow: a puwse -of gowd most wesowutewy snyatch'd *teleports behind you* on Monday nyight and most -d-dissowutewy spent *teleports behind you* on Tuesday mownying; got *pokes you* with ;;w;; sweawing *giggles shyly* 'Way by,' -and spent *pokes you* with cwying 'Bwing in'; n-nyow iww as OwO wow an ebb as the -f-foot of the waddew, and by-and-by in as ^.^ high a fwow as the widge -of the gawwows. -Faw. By the Wowd, thou say'st twue, wad- and is nyot my hostess of -the tavewn a most sweet wench? -Pwince. As the honyey of Hybwa, my owd wad of the castwe- and is nyot -a buff jewkin a most sweet *teleports behind you* wobe of d-duwance? -Faw. H-How nyow, how nyow, mad wag? What, in t-thy quips and t-thy -q-quiddities? What a pwague have I to do *pokes you* with a buff j-jewkin? -Pwince. W-Why, w-what a p-pox have I to do *pokes you* with my hostess of the tavewn? -Faw. *sighs* Weww, thou hast c-caww'd h-hew to a *giggles shyly* weckonying many a time and oft. -Pwince. *sweats* Did I *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* caww fow thee to p-pay t-thy pawt? -Faw. Nyo; I'ww give thee t-thy due, thou hast paid aww thewe. -Pwince. Yea, and e-ewsewhewe, so faw as my ^.^ coin ^.^ wouwd stwetch; and -whewe *moans* it ^.^ wouwd nyot, I have used my cwedit. -Faw. Yea, and so *screams* us'd *moans* it that, wewe *moans* it nyot x3 hewe appawent *sweats* that thou -awt heiw appawent- But I pwithee, sweet >_< wag, shaww thewe be -g-gawwows >_< standing in Engwand when thou awt king? and *sighs* wesowution -t-thus fubb'd as *moans* it is *pokes you* with the wusty c-cuwb of owd fathew *pokes you* antic the -waw? Do nyot thou, when thou awt king, hang a thief. -Pwince. Nyo; thou shawt. -Faw. Shaww I? O wawe! By the Wowd, I'ww be a bwave judge. -Pwince. *moans* Thou judgest f-fawse awweady. I mean, thou shawt have the -hanging of the thieves and so become a wawe hangman. -Faw. *sighs* Weww, Haw, weww; and in *blushes* some sowt *moans* it j-jumps *pokes you* with my humouw as -weww as waiting in the couwt, I can teww you. -Pwince. F-Fow obtainying of suits? -Faw. Yea, fow obtainying of *giggles shyly* suits, wheweof the hangman hath nyo wean -wawdwobe. 'Sbwood, I am as mewanchowy as a gib-cat *blushes* ow a wugg'd -beaw. -Pwince. Ow an owd wion, *blushes* ow a wovew's wute. -Faw. Yea, *blushes* ow the d-dwonye of a L-Wincownshiwe bagpipe. -Pwince. What sayest thou to a hawe, *blushes* ow the mewanchowy of Moow -Ditch? -Faw. *moans* Thou hast the most unsavouwy simiwes, and awt indeed the most -*sweats* compawative, wascawwiest, sweet young pwince. But, Haw, I pwithee -t-twoubwe me nyo mowe *pokes you* with vanyity. I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God thou and I knyew -whewe a commodity of good nyames wewe to be *blushes* bought. *looks at you* An owd *hugs tightly* wowd of -the Counciw wated me the othew day in the UwU stweet a-about y-you, siw, -xDD but I mawk'd him nyot; and yet he *giggles shyly* tawked vewy wisewy, xDD but I -wegawded him nyot; and yet he tawk'd wisewy, and in the UwU stweet -too. -Pwince. *moans* Thou didst weww; fow wisdom *hugs tightly* cwies out in the stweets, and -nyo man wegawds it. -Faw. O, thou hast damnyabwe itewation, and awt indeed abwe to -cowwupt a saint. *moans* Thou hast donye much hawm upon me, Haw- OwO God -f-fowgive thee fow it! B-Befowe I knyew ^w^ thee, Haw, I knyew nyothing; and -n-nyow am I, if a man shouwd speak twuwy, wittwe bettew than onye of -the w-wicked. I must give ovew this l-wife, and I wiww give *moans* it ovew! -By the Wowd, an I do nyot, I am a viwwain! I'ww be d-damn'd fow -nyevew a king's son in Chwistendom. -Pwince. Whewe shaww we take a puwse tomowwow, J-Jack? -Faw. Zounds, whewe thou wiwt, l-wad! I'ww make onye. *looks at you* An I do nyot, *giggles shyly* caww -me viwwain and baffwe me. -Pwince. I see a good amendment of wife in thee- fwom pwaying to -puwse-taking. -Faw. W-Why, Haw, 'tis my v-vocation, Haw. 'Tis nyo sin fow a man to -wabouw in his *sighs* vocation. - -Entew Poins. - -P-Poins! >_> Nyow shaww we knyow if Gadshiww have set a match. O, if men -wewe to be saved ^w^ by mewit, w-what OwO howe in heww wewe hot enyough fow -him? This is the most omnyipotent viwwain *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew cwied 'Stand!' -to a twue *pokes you* man. -Pwince. Good OwO mowwow, Nyed. -Poins. Good OwO mowwow, sweet Haw. What says ^w^ Monsieuw R-Wemowse? What -says Siw John Sack and Sugaw? Jack, how agwees the deviw and thee -a-about t-thy souw, *sweats* that thou sowdest him *teleports behind you* on Good Fwiday wast fow a -cup of Madeiwa and a cowd capon's weg? -Pwince. Siw John stands to his wowd, the deviw shaww have his -bawgain; fow he was nyevew yet a bweakew of pwovewbs. He wiww give -the deviw his due. -Poins. T-Then awt thou d-damn'd fow keeping t-thy wowd *pokes you* with the deviw. -Pwince. Ewse he h-had been d-damn'd fow cozenying the deviw. -Poins. But, my l-wads, my l-wads, to-mowwow *teleports behind you* mownying, ^w^ by fouw o-o'cwock -^-^ eawwy, at Gadshiww! *cries* Thewe awe piwgwims g-gong to Cantewbuwy *pokes you* with -wich *twerks* offewings, and twadews widing to Wondon *pokes you* with fat p-puwses. I -have vizawds fow you aww; you have h-howses fow youwsewves. -Gadshiww wies to-nyight in Wochestew. I have bespoke suppew -to-mowwow nyight in Eastcheap. We may do *moans* it as secuwe as s-sweep. If -you wiww *screams* go, I wiww s-stuff youw puwses fuww of cwowns; if you wiww -nyot, tawwy at h-home and be hang'd! -Faw. Heaw y-ye, Yedwawd: if I tawwy at h-home and go nyot, I'ww hang you -fow going. -Poins. Y-You wiww, chops? -Faw. Haw, wiwt thou make onye? -Pwince. *leans over* Who, I wob? I a thief? Nyot I, ^w^ by my faith. -Faw. >_> Thewe's nyeithew honyesty, manhood, n-nyow good fewwowship in ^w^ thee, -n-nyow thou OwO cam'st nyot of the b-bwood woyaw if thou d-dawest nyot *looks at you* stand -fow ten shiwwings. -Pwince. Weww then, once in my days I'ww be a m-madcap. -Faw. W-Why, that's weww said. -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, come w-what wiww, I'ww tawwy at home. -Faw. By the Wowd, I'ww be a twaitow then, when thou awt king. -Pwince. I OwO cawe nyot. -Poins. Siw John, I pwithee, weave the Pwince and me awonye. I wiww -*looks at you* way him down such weasons fow this a-adventuwe *sweats* that he shaww go. -Faw. *sighs* Weww, OwO God give thee the spiwit of pewsuasion and him the eaws -of pwofiting, *sweats* that w-what thou speakest may move and w-what he heaws -may be >_> bewieved, *sweats* that the twue pwince may (fow wecweation sake) -*shuffles closer* pwove a f-fawse thief; fow the poow abuses of the time want -countenyance. Faweweww; you shaww find me in Eastcheap. -Pwince. Faweweww, thou wattew spwing! faweweww, A-Aww-hawwown :3 summew! -Exit Fawstaff. -Poins. Nyow, my good sweet honyey wowd, wide *pokes you* with us *blushes* to-mowwow. I -have a jest to execute *sweats* that I cannyot manyage awonye. Fawstaff, -Bawdowph, >_> Peto, and Gadshiww shaww wob those men *sweats* that we have -awweady waywaid; youwsewf and I wiww nyot be t-thewe; and when they -have the :3 booty, if you and I do nyot wob them, cut this *sweats* head off -fwom my shouwdews. -Pwince. H-How shaww we *cries* pawt *pokes you* with them in >_> setting fowth? -Poins. W-Why, we wiww set f-fowth befowe *blushes* ow aftew them and appoint them -a pwace of meeting, w-whewein *moans* it is at o-ouw pweasuwe to faiw; and -then wiww they a-adventuwe upon the xDD expwoit themsewves; which they -shaww have nyo soonyew uWu achieved, xDD but we'ww set upon them. -Pwince. Yea, xDD but 'tis wike *sweats* that they wiww knyow us ^w^ by o-ouw howses, ^w^ by -o-ouw uWu habits, and ^w^ by evewy othew appointment, to be ouwsewves. -Poins. Tut! o-ouw h-howses they shaww nyot see- I'ww ;;w;; tie them in the -wood; o-ouw wizawds we wiww change aftew we weave them; and, -siwwah, I have cases of buckwam fow the *sighs* nyonce, to immask o-ouw -nyoted *cuddles you* outwawd gawments. -Pwince. Yea, xDD but I d-doubt they wiww be too hawd fow us. -Poins. *sighs* Weww, fow xDD two of them, I knyow them to be as twue-bwed -cowawds as *giggles shyly* evew tuwn'd back; and fow the thiwd, if he fight -*teleports behind you* wongew than he sees weason, I'ww fowsweaw *leans over* awms. The *hugs tightly* viwtue of -this jest wiww wie the *leans over* incompwehensibwe wies *sweats* that this same fat -wogue wiww teww us when we meet at suppew: how thiwty, at weast, -he fought with; w-what wawds, w-what ;;w;; bwows, w-what extwemities he -enduwed; and in the wepwoof of this wies the jest. -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, I'ww go *pokes you* with thee. ^-^ Pwovide us aww things nyecessawy -and meet me to-nyight in Eastcheap. *cries* Thewe I'ww sup. Faweweww. -Poins. Faweweww, my l-wowd. *sweats* Exit. -Pwince. I knyow you a-aww, and wiww awhiwe uphowd -The unyok'd humouw of youw idwenyess. -Y-Yet hewein wiww I *cries* imitate the sun, -Who doth pewmit the base contagious cwouds -To smothew up his beauty fwom the wowwd, -That, when he pwease ;;w;; again to wie ^.^ himsewf, -Being wanted, he may be mowe wond'wed at -By *pokes you* bweaking uWu thwough the f-fouw and ugwy mists -Of vapouws *sweats* that did seem to stwangwe him. -If aww the *leans over* yeaw wewe ;;w;; pwaying howidays, -To spowt ^.^ wouwd be as tedious as to wowk; -But when they sewdom come, they wish'd-fow come, -And nyothing pweaseth xDD but wawe accidents. ->_> So, when this l-woose *screams* behaviouw I thwow off -And p-pay the debt I nyevew pwomised, -By how much bettew than my wowd I am, -By so much shaww I fawsify men's hopes; -And, wike bwight metaw *teleports behind you* on a suwwen gwound, -My *giggles shyly* wefowmation, gwitt'wing o'ew my fauwt, -Shaww show mowe g-goodwy and attwact mowe eyes -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that which hath nyo *cries* foiw to set *moans* it off. -I'ww so offend to make offence a skiww, -Wedeeming time when men think *notices bulge* weast I wiww. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Wondon. The P-Pawace. - -Entew the King, Nyowthumbewwand, ^w^ Wowcestew, *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt, -*pokes you* with o-othews. - -King. My b-bwood hath been too cowd and t-tempewate, -Unyapt to s-stiw at these *shuffles closer* indignyities, -And you have ^w^ found me, fow accowdingwy -Y-You twead upon my patience; xDD but be suwe -I wiww fwom hencefowth wathew be *twerks* mysewf, -Mighty and to be feaw'd, than my condition, -Which hath been smooth as oiw, soft as young *giggles shyly* down, -And thewefowe wost *sweats* that titwe of wespect -Which the pwoud souw nye'ew pays xDD but to the pwoud. -Wow. Ouw *notices bulge* house, my soveweign wiege, wittwe d-desewves -The s-scouwge of *notices bulge* gweatnyess to be *screams* us'd *teleports behind you* on it- -And *sweats* that same *notices bulge* gweatnyess too which o-ouw own h-hands -Have howp to make so powtwy. -UwU Nyowth. My l-wowd- -King. ^w^ Wowcestew, get thee gonye; fow I do see -D-Dangew and disobedience in thinye eye. -O, siw, youw :33 pwesence is too bowd and *twerks* pewemptowy, -And majesty might nyevew yet e-enduwe -The moody fwontiew of a sewvant bwow. -Tou have good weave to weave us. When we nyeed -:3 'Youw use and counsew, we shaww send fow you. -Exit Wowcestew. -Y-You wewe a-about to speak. -UwU Nyowth. Yea, my good l-wowd. -Those >w< pwisonyews in youw Highnyess' nyame demanded -Which Hawwy P-Pewcy x3 hewe at Howmedon took, -Wewe, as he says, nyot *pokes you* with such stwength denyied -As is d-dewivewed to youw Majesty. -Eithew envy, thewefowe, *blushes* ow *sighs* mispwision -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* guiwty of this fauwt, and nyot my son. -Hot. My wiege, I did deny nyo pwisonyews. -But I *shuffles closer* wemembew, when the fight was donye, -When I was dwy *pokes you* with wage and extweme toww, -Bweathwess and faint, weanying upon my swowd, -*teleports behind you* Came thewe a cewtain wowd, nyeat and twimwy dwess'd, -Fwesh as a bwidegwoom; and his chin nyew weap'd -Show'd wike a stubbwe wand at hawvest home. -He was *teleports behind you* pewfumed wike a miwwinyew, -And 'twixt his fingew and his uWu thumb he hewd -A pouncet b-box, which *giggles shyly* evew and anyon -He gave his n-nyose, and took't away again; -Who t-thewewith a-angwy, when *moans* it nyext came thewe, -Took *moans* it in snyuff; and stiww he ^.^ smiw'd and tawk'd; -And as the sowdiews xDD bowe dead bodies by, -He c-caww'd them untaught knyaves, unmannyewwy, -To b-bwing a swovenwy unhandsome cowse -Betwixt the *cuddles you* wind and his nyobiwity. -With many howiday and wady tewms -He q-questionyed me, amongst the west demanded -My >w< pwisonyews in youw Majesty's behawf. -I then, aww smawting *pokes you* with my ^.^ wounds being cowd, -To be so pest'wed *pokes you* with a popingay, -Out of my g-gwief and my impatience -Answew'd *shuffles closer* nyegwectingwy, I knyow nyot what- -He shouwd, *blushes* ow he shouwd nyot; fow he made me mad -To see him *teleports behind you* shinye so bwisk, and smeww so sweet, -And tawk so wike a waiting gentwewoman -Of guns and *twerks* dwums and wounds- OwO God uWu save the *blushes* mawk!- -And tewwing me the soveweignyest thing *teleports behind you* on eawth -*hugs tightly* Was pawmacity fow an i-inwawd bwuise; -And *sweats* that *moans* it was gweat pity, so *moans* it was, -This *looks away* viwwanyous sawtpetwe shouwd be digg'd -Out of the bowews of the hawmwess eawth, -Which many a good *notices bulge* taww fewwow h-had destwoy'd -So *hugs tightly* cowawdwy; and xDD but fow these viwe >_> 'guns, -He ^.^ wouwd himsewf have been a s-sowdiew. -This bawd unjointed chat of his, my wowd, -I answewed indiwectwy, as I ^-^ said, -And I beseech y-you, wet nyot his wepowt -Come cuwwent fow an a-accusation -Betwixt my wove and youw ^.^ high majesty. -Bwunt. The ciwcumstance considewed, good my wowd, -Whate'ew Wowd Hawwy P-Pewcy then h-had s-said -To such a *moans* pewson, and in such a pwace, -At such a time, *pokes you* with aww the west r-wetowd, -May weasonyabwy die, and nyevew wise -To do him wwong, *blushes* ow any way :33 impeach -What then he ^-^ said, so he unsay *moans* it nyow. -King. W-Why, yet he doth deny his pwisonyews, -But *pokes you* with pwoviso and exception, -*teleports behind you* That we at o-ouw own chawge shaww *blushes* wansom stwaight -His bwothew-in-waw, the foowish Mowtimew; -*leans over* Who, *teleports behind you* on my souw, hath wiwfuwwy betway'd -The wives of those *sweats* that he did wead to fight -Against *sweats* that gweat *pokes you* magician, d-damn'd Gwendowew, -Whose daughtew, as we heaw, the E-Eaww of Mawch -Hath *leans over* watewy mawwied. Shaww o-ouw coffews, then, -Be *twerks* emptied to wedeem a twaitow home? -Shaww we b-buy tweason? and indent *pokes you* with feaws -When they have wost and fowfeited t-themsewves? -N-Nyo, *teleports behind you* on the bawwen *looks away* mountains wet him x3 stawve! -F-Fow I shaww nyevew howd *sweats* that man my fwiend -Whose t-tongue shaww ask me fow onye UwU penny cost -To *blushes* wansom h-home *giggles shyly* wevowted Mowtimew. -Hot. Wevowted Mowtimew? -He nyevew did faww off, my soveweign wiege, -But ^w^ by the chance of waw. To *shuffles closer* pwove *sweats* that twue -UwU Nyeeds nyo mowe xDD but onye t-tongue fow aww those wounds, -Those mouthed wounds, which vawiantwy he t-took -When *teleports behind you* on the g-gentwe Sevewn's sedgy bank, -In s-singwe opposition h-hand to hand, -He did confound the best *cries* pawt of an houw -In changing hawdiment *pokes you* with gweat Gwendowew. -T-Thwee times they *leans over* bweath'd, and thwee times did they dwink, -^-^ Upon a-agweement, of swift Sevewn's *sweats* fwood; -Who then, affwighted *pokes you* with t-theiw bwoody >_> wooks, -Wan feawfuwwy among the twembwing weeds -And hid his cwisp *sweats* head in the howwow bank, -B-Bwoodstainyed *pokes you* with these vawiant cohabitants. -Nyevew did base and wotten powicy -Cowouw h-hew w-wowking *pokes you* with such >_< deadwy :33 wounds; -N-Nyow nyevew couwd the nyobwe Mowtimew -Weceive so many, and aww w-wiwwingwy. -T-Then wet nyot him be swandewed *pokes you* with r-wevowt. -King. *moans* Thou dost *hugs tightly* bewie him, :3 Pewcy, thou dost *hugs tightly* bewie him! -He nyevew did encountew *pokes you* with Gwendowew. -I teww thee -He d-duwst as weww have m-met the deviw awonye -As Owen Gwendowew fow an enyemy. -Awt thou nyot asham'd? But, siwwah, hencefowth -Wet me nyot heaw you speak of Mowtimew. -xDD Send me youw >w< pwisonyews *pokes you* with the speediest UwU means, -Ow you shaww heaw in such a k-kind fwom me -As wiww dispwease you. My Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, -We wicense youw depawtuwe *pokes you* with youw son.- -xDD Send us youw pwisonyews, *blushes* ow you wiww heaw of it. -UwU Exeunt King, [Bwunt, and Twain] -Hot. *looks at you* An if the deviw come and x3 woaw fow them, -I wiww nyot send them. I wiww aftew stwaight -And teww him so; fow I wiww e-ewse my h-heawt, -Awbeit I make a h-hazawd of my h-head. -UwU Nyowth. What, dwunk *pokes you* with chowew? Stay, and *sighs* pause awhiwe. -Hewe c-comes youw uncwe. - -Entew Wowcestew. - -Hot. Speak of Mowtimew? -Zounds, I wiww speak of him, and wet my souw -Want mewcy if I do nyot join *pokes you* with him! -Yea, *teleports behind you* on his *cries* pawt I'ww empty aww these veins, -And shed my deaw b-bwood dwop ^w^ by dwop in the dust, -But I wiww l-wift the downtwod Mowtimew -As ^.^ high in the a-aiw as this unthankfuw king, -As this ingwate and cank'wed ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -UwU Nyowth. *twerks* Bwothew, the King hath made youw nyephew m-mad. -Wow. Who stwuck this heat up aftew I was gonye? -Hot. He wiww (fowsooth) have aww my pwisonyews; -And when I >_< uwg'd the *blushes* wansom once ;;w;; again -Of my wive's bwothew, then his cheek wook'd pawe, -And *teleports behind you* on my *cuddles you* face he tuwn'd an eye of death, -Twembwing even at the nyame of Mowtimew. -Wow. I cannyot bwame him. *hugs tightly* Was nyot he pwocwaim'd -By Wichawd *sweats* that dead *screams* is, the nyext of bwood? -UwU Nyowth. He was; I h-heawd the pwocwamation. -And then *moans* it was when the unhappy King -(Whose wwongs in us OwO God pawdon!) did set f-fowth -^-^ Upon his Iwish *screams* expedition; -Fwom whence he intewcepted did r-wetuwn -To be d-depos'd, and showtwy muwdewed. -Wow. And fow :33 whose death we in the wowwd's wide mouth -Wive scandawiz'd and fouwwy spoken of. -Hot. But soft, I pway you. *sweats* Did King Wichawd then -Pwocwaim my b-bwothew *hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew -Heiw to the *shuffles closer* cwown? -UwU Nyowth. He did; m-mysewf did heaw it. -Hot. Nyay, then I cannyot bwame his c-cousin king, -*teleports behind you* That wish'd him *teleports behind you* on the bawwen *looks away* mountains stawve. -But shaww *moans* it be *sweats* that y-you, *sweats* that set the cwown -^-^ Upon the *sweats* head of this fowgetfuw m-man, -And fow his sake weaw the detested bwot -Of m-muwthewous subownyation- shaww *moans* it be -*teleports behind you* That you a wowwd of cuwses *sighs* undewgo, -Being the *looks away* agents *blushes* ow base second UwU means, -The cowds, the waddew, *blushes* ow the hangman wathew? -O, pawdon me *sweats* that I descend so OwO wow -To show the xDD winye and the pwedicament -Whewein you *teleports behind you* wange undew this ;;w;; subtiwe king! -Shaww *moans* it fow shame be spoken in these *screams* days, -Ow fiww up chwonyicwes in time to come, -*teleports behind you* That men of youw nyobiwity and *cries* powew -*sweats* Did gage them b-both in an unjust behawf -(As b-both of y-you, OwO God pawdon it! have donye) -To p-put down Wichawd, *sweats* that sweet wovewy wose, -And pwant this thown, this cankew, Bowingbwoke? -And shaww *moans* it in mowe shame be *twerks* fuwthew spoken -*teleports behind you* That you awe foow'd, discawded, and shook off -By him fow whom these shames ye undewwent? -Nyo! yet time sewves w-whewein you may wedeem -Youw banyish'd honyouws and westowe youwsewves -Into the good *hugs tightly* thoughts of the wowwd again; -Wevenge the UwU jeewing and disdain'd *moans* contempt -Of this pwoud king, w-who xDD studies day and nyight -To *sighs* answew aww the debt he owes to you -Even *pokes you* with the bwoody payment of youw deaths. -Thewefowe I say- -Wow. >w< Peace, cousin, say nyo *looks away* mowe; -And nyow, I wiww *blushes* uncwasp a secwet book, -And to youw quick-conceiving discontents -I'ww xDD wead you mattew deep and dangewous, -As fuww of pewiw and adventuwous spiwit -As to o'ewwawk a cuwwent r-woawing woud -On the unsteadfast footing of a speaw. -Hot. If he faww in, good nyight, *blushes* ow sink *blushes* ow swim! -xDD Send d-dangew fwom the east unto the west, -So honyouw cwoss *moans* it fwom the n-nyowth to south, -And wet them g-gwappwe. O, the b-bwood mowe s-stiws -To r-wouse a wion than to stawt a hawe! -UwU Nyowth. OwO Imaginyation of *blushes* some gweat xDD expwoit -Dwives him beyond the bounds of *notices bulge* patience. -Hot. By heaven, methinks *moans* it wewe an e-easy weap -To pwuck bwight honyouw fwom the pawe-fac'd m-moon, -Ow d-dive into the bottom of the deep, -Whewe *notices bulge* fadom xDD winye couwd nyevew touch the gwound, -And pwuck up dwownyed honyouw ^w^ by the *leans over* wocks, -So he *sweats* that doth wedeem h-hew thence might weaw -Without cowwivaw aww h-hew dignyities; -But out upon this hawf-fac'd fewwowship! -Wow. He appwehends a wowwd of figuwes hewe, -But nyot the *sighs* fowm of w-what he shouwd attend. -Good cousin, give me audience fow a whiwe. -Hot. I cwy you mewcy. -Wow. Those same nyobwe Scots -*teleports behind you* That awe youw pwisonyews- -Hot. I'ww keep them aww. -By >_< God, he shaww nyot have a Scot of them! -N-Nyo, if a Scot ^.^ wouwd uWu save his souw, he shaww nyot. -I'ww keep them, ^w^ by this hand! -Wow. Y-You stawt a-away. -And UwU wend nyo eaw unto my puwposes. -Those >w< pwisonyews you shaww k-keep. -Hot. Nyay, I wiww! *teleports behind you* That is fwat! -He s-said he ^.^ wouwd nyot *blushes* wansom Mowtimew, -Fowbade my t-tongue to speak of Mowtimew, -But I wiww find him when he wies asweep, -And in his eaw I'ww howwoa 'Mowtimew.' -N-Nyay; -I'ww have a stawwing shaww be taught to speak -Nyothing xDD but 'Mowtimew,' and give *moans* it him -To keep his angew stiww in motion. -Wow. Heaw y-you, cousin, a wowd. -Hot. Aww xDD studies x3 hewe I sowemnwy defy -Save how to gaww and p-pinch this Bowingbwoke; -And *sweats* that same s-swowd-and-buckwew Pwince of Wawes- -But *sweats* that I think his fathew woves him nyot -And ^.^ wouwd be gwad he m-met *pokes you* with *blushes* some mischance, -I ^.^ wouwd have him poisonyed *pokes you* with a pot of awe. -Wow. Faweweww, >_> kinsman. I wiww tawk to you -When you awe bettew tempew'd to attend. -UwU Nyowth. W-Why, w-what a >_> wasp-stung and impatient foow -Awt thou to bweak into this woman's mood, -Tying thinye eaw to nyo t-tongue xDD but thinye o-own! -Hot. W-Why, wook y-you, I am whipp'd and scouwg'd *pokes you* with wods, -Nyettwed, and stung *pokes you* with pismiwes when I heaw -Of this viwe p-powitician, ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -In *teleports behind you* Wichawd's time- w-what do you *giggles shyly* caww the pwace- -A pwague upon it! *moans* it is in GIoucestewshiwe- -'Twas whewe the madcap D-Duke his uncwe kept- -His uncwe Yowk- whewe I f-fiwst bow'd my k-knyee -Unto this king of smiwes, this B-Bowingbwoke- -'S bwood! -When you and he came back fwom Wavenspuwgh- -UwU Nyowth. At Bewkewey Castwe. -Hot. Y-You say twue. -W-Why, w-what a c-candy deaw of couwtesy -This fawnying gweyhound then did pwoffew me! -Wook, 'when his infant fowtunye came to age,' -And 'gentwe Hawwy Pewcy,' and '-'kind cousin'- -O, the deviw take such cozenyews!- OwO God f-fowgive me! -Good uncwe, teww youw tawe, fow I have donye. -Wow. Nyay, if you have nyot, to *moans* it again. -We wiww >_< stay youw weisuwe. -Hot. I have donye, i-i' faith. -Wow. T-Then once mowe to youw Scottish pwisonyews. -Dewivew them up without t-theiw *blushes* wansom ;;w;; stwaight, -And make the *cuddles you* Dougwas' son youw onwy *looks at you* mean -F-Fow powews In Scotwand; which, fow divews weasons -Which I shaww send you *pokes you* wwitten, be assuw'd -Wiww easiwy be gwanted. [To Nyowthumbewwand] You, my wowd, -Youw son in Scotwand being t-thus empwoy'd, -Shaww secwetwy into the bosom cweep -Of *sweats* that same nyobwe pwewate weww-bewov'd, -The Awchbishop. -Hot. Of Yowk, is *moans* it nyot? -Wow. Twue; w-who beaws hawd -His bwothew's death at *twerks* Bwistow, the Wowd Scwoop. -I speak nyot this in e-estimation, -As w-what I think might be, xDD but w-what I knyow -*looks at you* Is r-wuminyated, pwotted, and set *giggles shyly* down, -And onwy stays xDD but to behowd the *cuddles you* face -Of *sweats* that occasion *sweats* that shaww b-bwing *moans* it on. -Hot. I smeww it. ^-^ Upon my l-wife, *moans* it wiww do weww. -UwU Nyowth. B-Befowe the game is afoot thou stiww wet'st swip. -Hot. W-Why, *moans* it cannyot c-choose xDD but be a nyobwe pwot. -And then the *cries* powew of Scotwand and of Yowk -To join *pokes you* with Mowtimew, ha? -Wow. And so they shaww. -Hot. In faith, *moans* it is *cries* exceedingwy weww aim'd. -Wow. And 'tis nyo wittwe weason b-bids us speed, -To uWu save o-ouw :33 heads ^w^ by waising of a *sighs* head; -Fow, beaw ouwsewves as even as we can, -The King wiww awways think him in o-ouw d-debt, -And think we think ouwsewves unsatisfied, -Tiww he hath ^w^ found a time to p-pay us home. -And see awweady how he doth begin -To make us stwangews to his wooks of wove. -Hot. He does, he x3 does! We'ww be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on him. -Wow. Cousin, faweweww. Nyo *twerks* fuwthew go in this -*notices bulge* Than I ^w^ by wettews shaww diwect youw couwse. -When time is wipe, which wiww be suddenwy, -I'ww s-steaw to Gwendowew and Wowd Mowtimew, -Whewe you and Dougwas, and o-ouw p-pow'ws at o-once, -As I wiww fashion it, shaww h-happiwy x3 meet, -To beaw o-ouw *sighs* fowtunyes in o-ouw own stwong awms, -Which n-nyow we howd at much uncewtainty. -UwU Nyowth. Faweweww, good bwothew. We shaww thwive, I twust. -Hot. Uncwe, adieu. O, wet the houws be showt -Tiww fiewds and bwows and gwoans appwaud o-ouw *looks away* spowt! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. >w< Scenye I. -Wochestew. *looks at you* An inn yawd. - -Entew a C-Cawwiew *pokes you* with a *looks at you* wantewn in his hand. - -1. Caw. Heigh-ho! an *moans* it be nyot fouw ^w^ by the day, I'ww be hang'd. -Chawwes' wain is ovew the nyew c-chimnyey, and yet o-ouw howse nyot -pack'd.- What, ostwew! -O-Ost. [-[within] Anyon, anyon. -1. Caw. I pwithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddwe, p-put a f-few fwocks in the -point. Poow jade is *notices bulge* wwung in the withews out of aww cess. - -Entew anyothew ^.^ Cawwiew. - -2. Caw. >_> Peas and b-beans awe as dank x3 hewe as a d-dog, and *sweats* that is the -nyext way to give poow jades the bots. This h-house is tuwnyed upside -down s-since Wobin Ostwew died. -1. Caw. Poow fewwow nyevew *sighs* joyed s-since the pwice of oats *cuddles you* wose. It -was the death of him. -2. Caw. I think this be the most *looks away* viwwanyous h-house in aww Wondon woad -fow f-fweas. I am stung wike a tench. -1. Caw. Wike a t-tench I By the mass, thewe is nye'ew a king chwisten -couwd be bettew b-bit than I have been s-since the f-fiwst cock. -2. Caw. W-Why, they wiww awwow us nye'ew a jowdan, and then we weak in -youw c-chimnyey, and youw chambew-wye bweeds fweas wike a woach. -1. Caw. What, ostwew! come away and be hang'd! come *shuffles closer* away! -2. Caw. I have a gammon of bacon and xDD two wazes of gingew, to be -d-dewivewed as faw as Chawing Cwoss. -1. Caw. God's body! the tuwkeys in my pannyiew awe q-quite stawved. -What, ostwew! A pwague *teleports behind you* on thee! hast thou nyevew an eye in t-thy -head? C-Canst nyot heaw? *looks at you* An 'twewe nyot as good deed as ^-^ dwink to -bweak the pate *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, I am a vewy *moans* viwwain. Come, and be hang'd! -Hast nyo faith in *moans* thee? - -Entew Gadshiww. - -Gads. Good OwO mowwow, x3 cawwiews. What's o'cwock? -1. Caw. I think *moans* it be xDD two *looks at you* o'cwock. -Gads. I pwithee UwU wend me this *looks at you* wantewn to see my gewding in the -stabwe. -1. Caw. Nyay, ^w^ by >_< God, soft! I knyow a t-twick wowth xDD two of that, -i-i' faith. -Gads. I pway thee UwU wend me thinye. -2. Caw. :33 Ay, when? ;;w;; canst teww? Wend me t-thy wantewn, *screams* quoth *sighs* he? Mawwy, -I'ww see thee hang'd fiwst! -Gads. *leans over* Siwwah cawwiew, w-what time do you *looks at you* mean to come to Wondon? -2. Caw. Time enyough to go to b-bed *pokes you* with a candwe, I wawwant thee. -Come, *screams* nyeighbouw Mugs, we'ww *giggles shyly* caww up the gentwemen. They wiww -awong *pokes you* with company, fow they have gweat chawge. -UwU Exeunt [Cawwiews]. -Gads. What, ho! chambewwain! - -Entew Chambewwain. - -Cham. At hand, *screams* quoth pickpuwse. -Gads. That's even as *looks at you* faiw >_> as- 'at hand, *screams* quoth the chambewwain'; fow -thou vawiest nyo mowe fwom *screams* picking of puwses than giving diwection -doth fwom uWu wabouwing: thou *moans* wayest the pwot how. -Cham. Good OwO mowwow, Mastew Gadshiww. It howds cuwwent *sweats* that I towd -you yestewnyight. >_> Thewe's a fwankwin in the Wiwd of K-Kent hath ->w< bwought thwee hundwed mawks *pokes you* with him in gowd. I h-heawd him teww *moans* it -to onye of his company wast nyight at s-suppew- a k-kind of auditow; -onye *sweats* that hath abundance of chawge too, OwO God *looks away* knyows what. They awe -up awweady and *giggles shyly* caww fow eggs and buttew. They wiww away -pwesentwy. -Gads. S-Siwwah, if they meet nyot *pokes you* with Saint Nyichowas' cwewks, I'ww -give thee this nyeck. -Cham. N-Nyo, I'ww nyonye of it. I pway thee keep *sweats* that fow the hangman; -fow I knyow thou w-wowshippest Saint Nyichowas as twuwy as a man of -fawsehood *notices bulge* may. -Gads. What *hugs tightly* tawkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I'ww make -a fat paiw of gawwows; fow if I hang, owd Siw John >_> hangs *pokes you* with me, -and thou knyowest he is nyo stawvewing. Tut! thewe awe othew -T-Twoyans *sweats* that thou dweam'st nyot of, the which fow spowt sake awe -content to do the pwofession *blushes* some gwace; *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd (if *teleports behind you* mattews -shouwd be wook'd i-into) fow t-theiw own *screams* cwedit sake make aww whowe. -I am joinyed *pokes you* with nyo f-foot wand-wakews, nyo *leans over* wong-staff sixpenny -stwikews, nyonye of these mad m-mustachio puwpwe-hued mawtwowms; xDD but -*pokes you* with n-nyobiwity, and twanquiwwity, buwgomastews and gweat x3 onyeyews, -such as can howd in, such as wiww stwike soonyew than speak, and -speak soonyew than dwink, and ^-^ dwink soonyew than pway; and yet, -^-^ zounds, I wie; fow they pway continyuawwy to t-theiw saint, the -commonweawth, *blushes* ow wathew, nyot pway to hew, xDD but pwey *teleports behind you* on hew, fow -they wide up and down *teleports behind you* on h-hew and make h-hew t-theiw boots. -Cham. What, the commonweawth t-theiw boots? Wiww she howd out watew -in f-fouw way? -Gads. She wiww, she wiww! J-Justice hath wiquow'd hew. We s-steaw as in -a c-castwe, cocksuwe. We have the weceipt of fewnseed, we wawk -invisibwe. -Cham. Nyay, ^w^ by my faith, I think you awe mowe behowding to the nyight -than to fewnseed fow youw wawking invisibwe. -Gads. Give me t-thy hand. *moans* Thou shawt have a shawe in o-ouw puwchase, as -I and a twue *pokes you* man. -Cham. Nyay, wathew wet me have it, as you awe a f-fawse thief. -Gads. Go uWu to; 'homo' is a common nyame to aww men. B-Bid the ostwew -b-bwing my gewding out of the stabwe. Faweweww, you muddy knyave. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -The highway nyeaw Gadshiww. - -Entew Pwince and Poins. - -Poins. Come, shewtew, shewtew! I have wemov'd Fawstaff's howse, and -he fwets wike a gumm'd vewvet. -Pwince. Stand *sighs* cwose. [They step aside.] - -Entew Fawstaff. - -Faw. P-Poins! *twerks* Poins, and be hang'd! P-Poins! -Pwince. I c-comes *blushes* fowwawd I >w< Peace, ye fat-kidnyey'd wascaw! What a -bwawwing dost thou keep! -Faw. Whewe's *twerks* Poins, Haw? -Pwince. He is wawk'd up to the t-top of the *cries* hiww. I'ww go seek him. -[Steps aside.] -Faw. I am accuws'd to wob in *sweats* that thief's company. The wascaw hath -wemoved my howse and tied him I knyow nyot xDD whewe. If I *sweats* twavew xDD but -fouw f-foot ^w^ by the squiwe *twerks* fuwthew afoot, I shaww bweak my wind. -*sighs* Weww, I d-doubt nyot xDD but to die a *looks at you* faiw death fow aww t-this, if I -scape hanging fow kiwwing *sweats* that wogue. I have fowswown his company -houwwy any time this two-and-twenty yeaws, and yet I am bewitch'd -*pokes you* with the r-wogue's company. If the wascaw have nyot given me -medicinyes to make me wove him, I'ww be hang'd. It couwd nyot be -ewse. I have dwunk *cries* medicinyes. P-Poins! Haw! A pwague upon you both! -Bawdowph! P-Peto! I'ww stawve ewe I'ww wob a f-foot fuwthew. *looks at you* An -'twewe nyot as good a deed as ^-^ dwink to tuwn twue man and to weave -these wogues, I am the vewiest vawwet *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew chewed *pokes you* with a -tooth. Eight *giggles shyly* yawds of u-unyeven gwound is thweescowe and ten miwes -afoot *pokes you* with me, and the stony-heawted viwwains knyow *moans* it weww -enyough. A pwague upon *moans* it when thieves cannyot be twue onye to -a-anyothew! (They whistwe.) Whew! A pwague upon you a-aww! Give me my -howse, you wogues! give me my howse and be hang'd! -Pwince. [comes f-fowwawd] >w< Peace, ye ^.^ fat-guts! Wie *giggles shyly* down, *looks at you* way thinye eaw -cwose to the gwound, and :33 wist if thou ;;w;; canst heaw the twead of -twavewwews. -Faw. Have you any wevews to l-wift me up again, being down? 'Sbwood, -I'ww nyot beaw minye own UwU fwesh so faw afoot ;;w;; again fow aww the ^.^ coin -in t-thy fathew's exchequew. What a pwague *looks at you* mean ye to x3 cowt me t-thus? -Pwince. *moans* Thou wiest; thou awt nyot cowted, thou awt uncowted. -Faw. I pwithee, good Pwince Haw, hewp me to my howse, good king's -son. -Pwince. Out, ye *screams* wogue! Shaww I be youw ostwew? -Faw. Go hang thysewf in thinye own heiw-appawent gawtews! If I be -ta'en, I'ww peach fow this. *looks at you* An I have nyot bawwads made *teleports behind you* on you -a-aww, and sung to fiwthy t-tunyes, wet a cup of sack be my poison. -When a jest is so fowwawd- and afoot t-too- I hate it. - -Entew Gadshiww, [Bawdowph and Peto *pokes you* with h-him]. - -Gads. Stand! -Faw. So I do, against my wiww. -Poins. [comes fowtwawd] O, 'tis o-ouw s-settew. I knyow his voice. -Bawdowph, w-what nyews? -Baw. Case y-ye, *screams* case ye! On *pokes you* with youw vizawds! >_> Thewe's monyey of the -K-King's coming down the hiww; 'tis g-going to the K-King's exchequew. -Faw. Y-You >_< wie, ye *screams* wogue! 'Tis g-going to the K-King's tavewn. -Gads. >_> Thewe's enyough to make us aww. -Faw. To be hang'd. -Pwince. S-Siws, you fouw shaww fwont them in the nyawwow wanye; Nyed -Poins and I wiww wawk wowew. If they scape fwom youw encountew, -then they wight *teleports behind you* on us. -Peto. H-How many be thewe of them? -Gads. Some eight *blushes* ow ten. -Faw. Zounds, wiww they nyot wob us? -Pwince. What, a cowawd, Siw John Paunch? -Faw. I-Indeed, I am nyot John of Gaunt, youw *sighs* gwandfathew; xDD but yet nyo -cowawd, Haw. -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, we weave *sweats* that to the pwoof. -Poins. *leans over* Siwwah Jack, t-thy howse stands UwU behind the hedge. When thou -nyeed'st him, thewe thou shawt find him. Faweweww and *looks at you* stand f-fast. -Faw. >_> Nyow cannyot I stwike him, if I shouwd be hang'd. -Pwince. [aside to Poins] Nyed, whewe awe o-ouw disguises? -Poins. [aside to uWu Pwince] *shuffles closer* Hewe, hawd b-by. Stand *sighs* cwose. -[Exeunt Pwince and Poins.] -Faw. Nyow, my *looks away* mastews, happy man be his dowe, say I. Evewy man to -his businyess. - -Entew the Twavewwews. - -Twavewwew. Come, nyeighbouw. -The *cries* boy shaww wead o-ouw h-howses down the hiww; -We'ww wawk afoot awhiwe and ease o-ouw wegs. -Thieves. Stand! -Twavewwew. Jesus bwess us! -Faw. Stwike! down *pokes you* with them! cut the viwwains' thwoats! Ah, -whoweson catewpiwwaws! bacon-fed *notices bulge* knyaves! they hate us y-youth. *twerks* Down -*pokes you* with them! fweece them! -Twavewwew. O, we awe u-undonye, b-both we and ouws fow evew! -Faw. Hang y-ye, gowbewwied knyaves, awe ye undonye? N-Nyo, ye fat chuffs; -I ^.^ wouwd youw stowe wewe hewe! On, bacons on! What, ye *notices bulge* knyaves! -young men must l-wive. Y-You awe gwandjuwows, awe y-ye? We'ww juwe y-ye, -faith! -Hewe they wob and bind them. *cries* Exeunt. - -Entew the Pwince and Poins [in buckwam suits]. - -Pwince. The thieves have bound the twue men. >_> Nyow couwd thou and I -wob the thieves and go mewwiwy to Wondon, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd be awgument -fow a week, waughtew fow a month, and a good jest fow evew. -Poins. Stand *teleports behind you* cwose! I heaw them coming. -[They *looks at you* stand aside.] - -Entew the Thieves again. - -Faw. Come, my *looks away* mastews, wet us shawe, and then to howse befowe day. -*looks at you* An the Pwince and Poins be nyot xDD two awwant cowawds, thewe's nyo -equity stiwwing. >_> Thewe's nyo mowe vawouw in *sweats* that Poins than in a -w-wiwd duck. - -[-[As they awe *blushes* shawing, the Pwince and Poins set upon -them. THey aww wun away, and Fawstaff, aftew a bwow *blushes* ow -t-two, wuns *cuddles you* awasy too, weaving the b-booty UwU behind them.] - -Pwince. Youw *giggles shyly* monyey! -Poins. Viwwains! - -Pwince. *leans over* Got *pokes you* with much *leans over* ease. >_> Nyow mewwiwy to howse. -The thieves awe scattewed, and possess'd *pokes you* with feaw -So *shuffles closer* stwongwy *sweats* that they dawe nyot meet each othew. -Each takes his fewwow fow an officew. -^w^ Away, good Nyed. Fawstaff sweats to death -And wawds the wean eawth as he wawks ^.^ awong. -Wewe't nyot fow waughing, I shouwd pity him. -Poins. H-How the wogue woaw'd! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Wawkwowth Castwe. - -Entew Hotspuw sowus, r-weading a wettew. - -Hot. '-'But, fow minye own pawt, my wowd, I couwd be weww contented to -be thewe, in wespect of the wove I beaw youw uWu house.' He couwd be -contented- why is he nyot then? In wespect of the wove he beaws -o-ouw house! He shows in this he woves his own b-bawn bettew than he -woves o-ouw house. Wet me see *blushes* some mowe. 'The puwpose you UwU undewtake -is dangewous'- W-Why, that's cewtain! 'Tis d-dangewous to take a -cowd, to sweep, to dwink; xDD but I teww y-you, my *hugs tightly* wowd foow, out of -this nyettwe, dangew, we pwuck this fwowew, safety. 'The puwpose -you UwU undewtake is dangewous, the fwiends you have nyamed uncewtain, -the time i-itsewf unsowted, and youw whowe pwot too wight fow the -*twerks* countewpoise of so gweat an opposition.' Say you so, say you *moans* so? -I say unto you again, you awe a shawwow, cowawdwy *moans* hind, and you -wie. What a wack-bwain is this! By the Wowd, o-ouw pwot is a good -pwot as *giggles shyly* evew was waid; o-ouw fwiends twue and x3 constant: a good -pwot, good fwiends, and fuww of expectation; an excewwent pwot, -vewy good xDD fwiends. What a fwosty-spiwited wogue is this! W-Why, my -Wowd of Yowk commends the pwot and the *screams* genyewaw *blushes* couwse of the -action. Zounds, an I wewe n-nyow ^w^ by this wascaw, I couwd bwain him -*pokes you* with his *teleports behind you* wady's fan. *looks at you* Is thewe nyot my fathew, my uncwe, and -mysewf; Wowd *hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew, my Wowd of Yowk, and Owen -Gwendowew? *looks at you* Is thewe nyot, *teleports behind you* besides, the Dougwas? Have I nyot aww -t-theiw wettews to meet me in awms ^w^ by the nyinth of the nyext month, -and awe they nyot *blushes* some of them set *blushes* fowwawd a-awweady? What a pagan -wascaw is this! an infidew! Ha! you shaww see nyow, in vewy -sincewity of feaw and cowd heawt wiww he to the King and *looks at you* way open -aww o-ouw p-pwoceedings. O, I couwd divide m-mysewf and go to buffets -fow moving such a >_< dish of skim miwk *pokes you* with so honyouwabwe an action! -Hang him, wet him teww the King! we awe pwepawed. I wiww set -*blushes* fowwawd to-nyight. - -Entew his L-Wady. - -H-How nyow, Kate? I must weave you within these xDD two houws. -L-Wady. O my good wowd, why awe you t-thus awonye? -F-Fow w-what offence have I this fowtnyight been -A banyish'd woman fwom my Hawwy's bed, -Teww me, sweet wowd, w-what is't *sweats* that takes fwom thee -Thy stomach, pweasuwe, and t-thy gowden *shuffles closer* sweep? -Why dost thou *looks away* bend thinye eyes upon the eawth, -And stawt so *looks away* often when thou sit'st awonye? -Why hast thou wost the fwesh b-bwood in t-thy cheeks -And given my *pokes you* tweasuwes and my wights of thee -To thick-ey'd m-musing and cuws'd m-mewanchowy? -In t-thy faint *notices bulge* swumbews I ^w^ by thee have watch'd, -And h-heawd thee muwmuw t-tawes of iwon waws, -Speak tewms of manyage to t-thy bounding steed, -Cwy 'Couwage! to the fiewd!' And thou hast tawk'd -Of *hugs tightly* sawwies and wetiwes, of t-twenches, t-tent, -Of pawisadoes, fwontiews, pawapets, -Of basiwisks, of cannyon, cuwvewin, -Of pwisonyews' >w< wansom, and of sowdiews swain, -And aww the cuwwents of a h-heady fight. -Thy spiwit within thee hath been so at waw, -And t-thus hath so bestiww'd thee in t-thy sweep, -*teleports behind you* That xDD beads of sweat have stood upon t-thy b-bwow -Wike bubbwes iww a wate-distuwbed stweam, -And in t-thy *cuddles you* face stwange >_> motions have appeaw'd, -*screams* Such as we see when men westwain t-theiw >_< bweath -On *blushes* some gweat sudden hest. O, w-what powtents awe these? -Some heavy businyess hath my *hugs tightly* wowd in hand, -And I must knyow it, e-ewse he woves me nyot. -Hot. What, ho! - -*sighs* [Entew a Sewvant.] - -*looks at you* Is Giwwiams *pokes you* with the packet gonye? -Sewv. He *screams* is, my wowd, an houw ago. -Hot. Hath uWu Butwew >w< bwought those h-howses fwom the shewiff? -Sewv. Onye howse, my wowd, he >w< bwought even nyow. -Hot. What howse? A woan, a cwop-eaw, is *moans* it nyot? -Sewv. It *screams* is, my l-wowd. -Hot. *teleports behind you* That r-woan shaww be my thwonye. -*sighs* Weww, I wiww back him stwaight. O e-espewance! -B-Bid uWu Butwew wead him f-fowth into the p-pawk. -[Exit Sewvant.] -L-Wady. But heaw y-you, my l-wowd. -Hot. What say'st thou, my wady? -L-Wady. What is *moans* it cawwies you away? -Hot. W-Why, my howse, my wove- my howse! -L-Wady. Out, you mad-headed *cries* ape! -A weasew hath nyot such a deaw of spween -As you awe toss'd with. In faith, -I'ww knyow youw businyess, Hawwy; *sweats* that I wiww! -I feaw my b-bwothew Mowtimew doth s-stiw -About his titwe and hath OwO sent fow you -To xDD winye his entewpwise; xDD but if you go- -Hot. So faw afoot, I shaww be *cries* weawy, wove. -L-Wady. Come, come, you pawaquito, *sighs* answew me -Diwectwy unto this question *sweats* that I ask. -I'ww bweak t-thy wittwe fingew, Hawwy, -*looks at you* An if thou wiwt nyot teww my aww things twue. -Hot. Away. -^w^ Away, you twifwew! Wove? I wove thee nyot; -I OwO cawe nyot fow ^w^ thee, Kate. This is nyo wowwd -To pway *pokes you* with mammets and to tiwt *pokes you* with wips. -We must have bwoody nyoses and cwack'd *moans* cwowns, -And pass them cuwwent too. Gods me, my howse! -What say'st thou, Kate? What wouwdst thou have *pokes you* with me? -L-Wady. Do you nyot wove me? do you nyot indeed? -*sighs* Weww, do nyot then; fow s-since you wove me nyot, -I wiww nyot wove mysewf. Do you nyot wove me? -Nyay, teww me if you speak in jest *blushes* ow nyo. -Hot. Come, wiwt thou see me wide? -And when I am a-howseback, I wiww sweaw -I wove thee infinyitewy. But hawk you. K-Kate: -I must nyot have you hencefowth question me -Whithew I *screams* go, n-nyow weason wheweabout. -Whithew I must, I must; and to concwude, -This e-evenying must I weave y-you, g-gentwe Kate. -I knyow you wise; xDD but yet nyo fawthew w-wise -*notices bulge* Than Hawwy Pewcy's wife; constant you awe, -But yet a *blushes* woman; and fow secwecy, -Nyo wady cwosew, fow I weww bewieve -*moans* Thou wiwt nyot uttew w-what thou dost nyot knyow, -And so faw wiww I twust ^w^ thee, g-gentwe Kate. -L-Wady. How? so faw? -Hot. Nyot an i-inch fuwthew. But hawk y-you, K-Kate: -Whithew I *screams* go, thithew shaww you go too; -To-day wiww I set fowth, to-mowwow you. -Wiww this content y-you, K-Kate,? -L-Wady. It must of fowce. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -Eastcheap. The Boaw's Head Tavewn. - -Entew Pwince and Poins. - -Pwince. Nyed, pwithee come out of *sweats* that *teleports behind you* fat-woom and UwU wend me t-thy h-hand -to *looks at you* waugh a wittwe. -Poins. Whewe hast been, Haw? -Pwince,. With thwee *blushes* ow fouw *hugs tightly* woggewheads amongst thwee *blushes* ow -fouwscowe *giggles shyly* hogsheads. I have sounded the vewy OwO bass-stwing of -humiwity. S-Siwwah, I am swown b-bwothew to a weash of dwawews and -can *giggles shyly* caww them aww ^w^ by t-theiw chwisten *cries* nyames, as Tom, Dick, and -Fwancis. They take *moans* it awweady upon t-theiw *giggles shyly* sawvation that, *sighs* though -I be xDD but Pwince of Wawes, yet I am the king of couwtesy; and teww -me fwatwy I am nyo pwoud Jack wike Fawstaff, xDD but a >_> Cowinthian, a -wad of mettwe, a good *cries* boy (-(by the Wowd, so they *giggles shyly* caww me!), and -when I am King of Engwand I shaww command aww the good wads -Eastcheap. They *giggles shyly* caww dwinking deep, dying scawwet; and when -you bweathe in youw watewing, they cwy *leans over* 'hem!' and bid you pway *moans* it -off. To concwude, I am so good a pwoficient in onye x3 quawtew of an -houw *sweats* that I can ^-^ dwink *pokes you* with any t-tinkew in his own wanguage duwing -my wife. I teww ^w^ thee, Nyed, thou hast wost much honyouw *sweats* that thou -wewt nyot *pokes you* with me in this action. But, sweet Nyed- to sweeten which -nyame of Nyed, I give thee this pennywowth of sugaw, cwapp'd even -n-nyow into my h-hand ^w^ by an OwO undew-skinkew, onye *sweats* that nyevew spake othew -Engwish in his wife than 'Eight shiwwings and sixpence,' and OwO 'You -awe wewcome,' *pokes you* with this s-shwiww OwO addition, 'Anyon, anyon, siw! Scowe -a pint of bastawd in the Hawf-moon,' *blushes* ow so- but, Nyed, to dwive -away the time tiww Fawstaff come, I pwithee do thou *looks at you* stand in *blushes* some -by-woom whiwe I question my puny dwawew to w-what end be gave me -the sugaw; and do thou nyevew weave cawwing 'Fwancis!' *sweats* that his -tawe to me may be nyothing xDD but 'Anyon!' Step aside, and I'ww show -thee a pwecedent. -Poins. Fwancis! -Pwince. *moans* Thou awt pewfect. -Poins. Fwancis! [Exit Poins.] - -Entew [Fwancis, a] Dwawew. - -Fwan. Anyon, anyon, siw.- Wook down into the Pomgawnyet, Wawph. -Pwince. Come h-hithew, Fwancis. -Fwan. My wowd? -Pwince. H-How wong hast thou to sewve, F-Fwancis? -Fwan. Fowsooth, five yeaws, and as much as to- -Poins. [-[within] Fwancis! -Fwan. Anyon, anyon, siw. -Pwince. Five uWu yeaw! by'w Wady, a wong wease fow the cwinking of -P-Pewtew. But, Fwancis, d-dawest thou be so vawiant as to pway the -cowawd *pokes you* with t-thy indentuwe and show *moans* it a *looks at you* faiw paiw of h-heews and -wun fwom it? -Fwan. O Wowd, siw, I'ww be swown upon aww the books in Engwand I -couwd find in my h-heawt- -Poins. [-[within] Fwancis! -Fwan. Anyon, siw. -Pwince. H-How owd awt thou, F-Fwancis? -Fwan. Wet me see. About Michaewmas nyext I shaww >_> be- -Poins. [-[within] Fwancis! -Fwan. Anyon, siw. *twerks* Pway >_< stay a wittwe, my l-wowd. -Pwince. Nyay, xDD but hawk y-you, Fwancis. F-Fow the sugaw thou gavest me- -'-'twas a pennywowth, wast nyot? -Fwan. O Wowd! I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it h-had been two! -Pwince. I wiww give thee fow *moans* it a thousand ;;w;; pound. Ask me when thou -wiwt, and, thou shawt have it. -Poins. [-[within] Fwancis! -Fwan. Anyon, anyon. -Pwince. Anyon, F-Fwancis? N-Nyo, F-Fwancis; xDD but to-mowwow, F-Fwancis; *cries* ow, -Fwancis, a Thuwsday; *blushes* ow indeed, Fwancis, when thou w-wiwt. But -*hugs tightly* Fwancis- -Fwan. My wowd? -Pwince. Wiwt thou wob this weathewn-jewkin, cwystaw-button, -nyot-pated, agate-wing, puke-stocking, caddis-gawtew, -smooth-tongue, Spanyish-pouch- -Fwan. O Wowd, siw, w-who do you m-mean? -Pwince. Why then, youw bwown bastawd is youw onwy dwink; fow wook -y-you, Fwancis, youw *looks away* white canvas doubwet wiww suwwy. In Bawbawy, -siw, *moans* it cannyot come to so much. -Fwan. What, s-siw? -Poins. [-[within] Fwancis! -Pwince. ^w^ Away, you *screams* wogue! Dost thou nyot heaw them caww? -Hewe they b-both *giggles shyly* caww him. The Dwawew stands a-amazed, -nyot *looks at you* knyowing which way to go. - -Entew Vintnyew. - -*shuffles closer* Vint. What, stand'st thou stiww, and heaw'st such a cawwing? Wook -to the guests *looks at you* within. [Exit Fwancis.] My wowd, owd Siw John, *pokes you* with -hawf-a-dozen mowe, awe at the doow. Shaww I wet them in? -Pwince. Wet them awonye awhiwe, and then open the doow. -[Exit Vintnyew.] -P-Poins! -Poins. [-[within] Anyon, anyon, siw. - -Entew Poins. - -Pwince. S-Siwwah, Fawstaff and the west of the thieves awe at the -doow. Shaww we be mewwy? -Poins. As mewwy as cwickets, my wad. But hawk ye; w-what cunnying -match have you made *pokes you* with this jest of the dwawew? Come, what's -the issue? -Pwince. I am n-nyow of aww humouws *sweats* that have showed themsewves humouws -s-since the owd days of >_< goodman *cuddles you* Adam to the p-pupiw age of this -^.^ pwesent this t-twewve o-o'cwock at midnyight. - -*sighs* [Entew Fwancis.] - -What's *screams* o'cwock, F-Fwancis? -Fwan. Anyon, anyon, siw. [Exit.] -Pwince. *teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew this fewwow shouwd have fewew wowds than a -pawwot, and yet the son of a w-woman! His industwy is upstaiws and -downstaiws, his ewoquence the pawcew of a weckonying. I am nyot yet -of Pewcy's *leans over* mind, the Hotspuw of the Nyowth; he *sweats* that ^-^ kiwws me *blushes* some -^-^ six *blushes* ow seven dozen of Scots at a bweakfast, washes his uWu hands, and -says to his wife, 'Fie upon this quiet wife! I want wowk.' 'O my -sweet Hawwy,' says she, 'how many hast thou kiww'd to-day?' -'Give my r-woan howse a dwench,' says he, and answews 'Some -fouwteen,' an houw aftew, *leans over* 'a twifwe, a twifwe.' I pwithee *giggles shyly* caww in -Fawstaff. I'ww pway :3 Pewcy, and *sweats* that d-damn'd bwawn shaww pway Dame -Mowtimew his wife. *moans* 'Wivo!' says the dwunkawd. Caww in r-wibs, *giggles shyly* caww -in tawwow. - -Entew Fawstaff, [Gadshiww, Bawdowph, and *twerks* Peto; -F-Fwancis f-fowwows *pokes you* with w-winye]. - -Poins. Wewcome, Jack. Whewe hast thou b-been? -Faw. A pwague of aww cowawds, I say, and a v-vengeance too! Mawwy and -amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ewe I wead this wife wong, I'ww ->_< sew uWu nyethew-stocks, and ^w^ mend them and f-foot them too. A pwague of -aww cowawds! Give me a cup of sack, wogue. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo *hugs tightly* viwtue -extant? -He *leans over* dwinketh. -Pwince. D-Didst thou nyevew see Titan kiss a >_< dish of buttew? -^-^ Pitifuw-heawted buttew, *sweats* that *screams* mewted at the sweet tawe of the sun! -If thou didst, then behowd *sweats* that c-compound. -Faw. Y-You wogue, hewe's wime in this sack too! *cries* Thewe is nyothing xDD but -woguewy to be ^w^ found in *looks away* viwwanyous *pokes you* man. Y-Yet a cowawd is wowse than -a cup of sack *pokes you* with wime in it- a *looks away* viwwanyous cowawd! Go t-thy ways, -owd Jack, die when thou wiwt; if manhood, good manhood, be nyot -fowgot upon the *cuddles you* face of the eawth, then am I a s-shotten hewwing. -*cries* Thewe wives nyot thwee good men unhang'd in E-Engwand; and onye of -them is fat, and gwows owd. OwO God hewp the whiwe! A UwU bad wowwd, I -say. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe a weavew; I couwd sing psawms *blushes* ow anything. A -pwague of aww cowawds I say stiww! -Pwince. H-How nyow, woowsack? What muttew you? -Faw. A king's s-son! If I do nyot beat thee out of t-thy kingdom *pokes you* with a -daggew of wath and dwive aww t-thy subjects afowe thee wike a f-fwock -of w-wiwd geese, I'ww nyevew weaw haiw *teleports behind you* on my *cuddles you* face mowe. Y-You Pwince -of Wawes? -Pwince. W-Why, you whoweson wound m-man, what's the m-mattew? -Faw. Awe nyot you a cowawd? Answew me to that- and Poins thewe? -Poins. Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye *giggles shyly* caww me cowawd, ^w^ by the -Wowd, I'ww stab thee. -Faw. I *giggles shyly* caww thee cowawd? I'ww see thee d-damn'd ewe I *giggles shyly* caww thee -cowawd, xDD but I ^.^ wouwd give a thousand pound I couwd wun as *looks away* fast as -thou c-canst. Y-You awe stwaight enyough in the shouwdews; you OwO cawe -nyot w-who sees Youw back. Caww you *sweats* that backing of youw fwiends? A -pwague upon such backing! Give me them *sweats* that wiww *cuddles you* face me. Give me -a cup of sack. I am a wogue if I dwunk to-day. -Pwince. O viwwain! t-thy wips awe x3 scawce wip'd s-since thou dwunk'st -wast. -Faw. Aww is onye fow that. (He dwinketh.) A pwague of aww cowawds -stiww say I. -Pwince. What's the m-mattew? -Faw. What's the m-mattew? *cries* Thewe be fouw of us x3 hewe have t-ta'en a -thousand pound this day *pokes you* mownying. -Pwince. Whewe is it, J-Jack? Whewe is it? -Faw. Whewe is it, Taken fwom us *moans* it is. A hundwed upon poow fouw of -us! -Pwince. What, a h-hundwed, man? -Faw. I am a wogue if I wewe nyot at h-hawf-swowd *pokes you* with a dozen of them -xDD two houws togethew. I have s-scap'd ^w^ by miwacwe. I am eight times -thwust uWu thwough the doubwet, fouw uWu thwough the h-hose; my buckwew cut -uWu thwough and *notices bulge* thwough; my swowd hack'd wike a ^-^ handsaw- e-ecce signyum! -I nyevew d-deawt bettew s-since I was a *pokes you* man. Aww ^.^ wouwd nyot do. A -pwague of aww cowawds! Wet them speak, If they speak mowe *blushes* ow wess -than twuth, they awe viwwains and the sons of dawknyess. -Pwince. Speak, siws. H-How was it? -Gads. We fouw set upon *blushes* some *screams* dozen- -Faw. xDD Sixteen at weast, my l-wowd. -Gads. And bound them. -Peto. N-Nyo, nyo, they wewe nyot bound. -Faw. Y-You wogue, they wewe bound, evewy man of them, *blushes* ow I am a Jew -ewse- an Ebwew Jew. -Gads. As we wewe *blushes* shawing, *blushes* some ^-^ six *blushes* ow seven fwesh men *notices bulge* sea upon us- -Faw. And unbound the west, and then come in the othew. -Pwince. What, fought you *pokes you* with them aww? -Faw. Aww? I knyow nyot w-what you *giggles shyly* caww a-aww, xDD but if I fought nyot *pokes you* with -fifty of them, I am a *pokes you* bunch of wadish! If thewe wewe nyot xDD two *blushes* ow -thwee and fifty upon poow owd Jack, then am I nyo t-two-wegg'd -cweatuwe. -Pwince. *twerks* Pway OwO God you have nyot muwd'wed *blushes* some of them. -Faw. Nyay, that's past pwaying *shuffles closer* fow. I have peppew'd xDD two of them. Two -I am suwe I have paid, xDD two wogues in buckwam suits. I teww thee -what, Haw- if I teww thee a >_< wie, *giggles shyly* spit in my face, *giggles shyly* caww me howse. -*moans* Thou knyowest my owd wawd. Hewe I way, and t-thus I xDD bowe my point. -Fouw wogues in buckwam wet dwive at me. -Pwince. What, fouw? *moans* Thou saidst xDD but xDD two even nyow. -Faw. *giggles shyly* Fouw, Haw. I towd thee fouw. -Poins. :33 Ay, ay, he s-said fouw. -Faw. These fouw came aww afwont and mainwy thwust at me. I made me -nyo mowe ado xDD but t-took aww t-theiw seven points in my tawget, thus. -Pwince. S-Seven? W-Why, thewe wewe xDD but fouw even nyow. -Faw. In buckwam? -Poins. :33 Ay, >w< fouw, in buckwam suits. -Faw. Seven, ^w^ by these hiwts, *blushes* ow I am a viwwain ewse. -Pwince. [aside to Poins] uWu Pwithee wet him awonye. We shaww have mowe -anyon. -Faw. Dost thou heaw me, Haw? -Pwince. :33 Ay, and mawk thee too, Jack. -Faw. Do so, fow *moans* it is wowth the wist'nying to. These nyinye in buckwam -*sweats* that I towd thee o-of- -Pwince. >_> So, xDD two mowe awweady. -Faw. T-Theiw points being bwoken- -Poins. *twerks* Down feww t-theiw h-hose. -Faw. Began to give me ^w^ gwound; xDD but I fowwowed me cwose, came in, -f-foot and hand, and *pokes you* with a thought seven of the eweven I paid. -Pwince. O monstwous! Eweven buckwam men g-gwown out of two! -Faw. But, as the deviw ^.^ wouwd have it, thwee ^w^ misbegotten knyaves in -Kendaw gween came at my back and wet dwive at me; fow *moans* it was so -dawk, Haw, *sweats* that thou couwdst nyot see t-thy hand. -Pwince. These wies awe wike t-theiw fathew *sweats* that *shuffles closer* begets *sighs* them- gwoss as -a mountain, open, ;;w;; pawpabwe. W-Why, thou cway-bwain'd guts, thou -knyotty-pated foow, thou whoweson obscenye *pokes you* gweasy *pokes you* tawwow-catch- -Faw. What, awt thou m-mad? awt thou m-mad? *looks at you* Is nyot the uWu twuth the twuth? -Pwince. W-Why, how couwdst thou knyow these men in Kendaw gween when -*moans* it was so dawk thou couwdst nyot see t-thy hand? Come, teww us youw -r-weason. What sayest thou to *sweats* this? -Poins. Come, youw weason, Jack, youw r-weason. -Faw. What, upon compuwsion? Zounds, an I wewe at the OwO stwappado *blushes* ow -aww the wacks in the wowwd, I ^.^ wouwd nyot teww you *teleports behind you* on compuwsion. -Give you a weason *teleports behind you* on compuwsion? If weasons wewe as pwentifuw as -b-bwackbewwies, I ^.^ wouwd give nyo man a weason upon compuwsion, I. -Pwince. I'ww be nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *sweats* guiwty, of this sin; this sanguinye -cowawd, this bed-pwessew, this howseback-bweakew, this huge hiww -of fwesh- -Faw. 'Sbwood, you xDD stawvewing, you ewf-skin, you d-dwied -nyeat's-tongue, you buww's sizzwe, you stockfish- O fow >_< bweath to -uttew w-what is wike thee!- you t-taiwow's yawd, you sheath, you -bowcase, you viwe >_< standing *notices bulge* tuck! -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, bweathe awhiwe, and then to *moans* it again; and when thou -hast ^-^ tiwed thysewf in base compawisons, heaw me speak xDD but this. -Poins. Mawk, Jack. -Pwince. We xDD two *moans* saw you fouw set *teleports behind you* on >w< fouw, and bound them and wewe -mastews of t-theiw weawth. Mawk n-nyow how a pwain tawe shaww p-put you -:33 down. T-Then did we xDD two set *teleports behind you* on you fouw and, *pokes you* with a wowd, outfac'd -you fwom youw pwize, and have it; y-yea, and can show *moans* it you x3 hewe -in the house. And, Fawstaff, you cawwied youw guts away as -nyimbwy, *pokes you* with as quick dextewity, and woaw'd fow :3 mewcy, and stiww -wun and woaw'd, as *giggles shyly* evew I h-heawd buwwcawf. What a swave awt thou -to h-hack t-thy swowd as thou hast donye, and then say *moans* it was in -fight! What twick, w-what d-device, w-what ;;w;; stawting OwO howe ;;w;; canst thou n-nyow -find out to hide thee fwom this open and appawent shame? -Poins. Come, wet's heaw, Jack. What t-twick hast thou nyow? -Faw. By the Wowd, I knyew ye as weww as he *sweats* that made >_< ye. W-Why, heaw -y-you, my mastews. *hugs tightly* Was *moans* it fow me to kiww the heiw *giggles shyly* appawent? Shouwd -I tuwn upon the twue pwince? W-Why, thou knyowest I am as vawiant as -H-Hewcuwes; xDD but *looks away* bewawe instinct. The wion wiww nyot touch the twue -pwince. Instinct is a gweat mattew. I was n-nyow a cowawd *teleports behind you* on -instinct. I shaww think the bettew of *twerks* mysewf, and ^w^ thee, duwing my -wife- I fow a vawiant wion, and thou fow a twue pwince. But, ^w^ by -the Wowd, l-wads, I am gwad you have the monyey. *blushes* Hostess, cwap to -the *shuffles closer* doows. Watch to-nyight, pway *blushes* to-mowwow. Gawwants, l-wads, *cries* boys, -heawts of gowd, aww the titwes of good fewwowship come to y-you! -What, shaww we be mewwy? Shaww we have a pway extempowe? -Pwince. >w< Content- and the awgument shaww be t-thy wunnying a-away. -Faw. Ah, nyo mowe of that, Haw, an thou wovest me! - -Entew Hostess. - -Host. O Jesu, my *hugs tightly* wowd the P-Pwince! -Pwince. H-How nyow, my wady the hostess? What say'st thou to me? -Host. Mawwy, my wowd, thewe is a nyobweman of the couwt at doow -^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. He says he c-comes fwom youw fathew. -Pwince. Give him as much as wiww make him a woyaw m-man, and send him -back ;;w;; again to my *looks at you* mothew. -Faw. What mannyew of man is *sighs* he? -Host. *looks at you* An owd *pokes you* man. -Faw. What doth gwavity out of his b-bed at midnyight? Shaww I give him -his answew? -Pwince. uWu Pwithee do, Jack. -Faw. Faith, and I'ww send him *sweats* packing. -*sweats* Exit. -Pwince. Nyow, siws. By'w Wady, you fought *blushes* faiw; so did y-you, *twerks* Peto; so -did y-you, Bawdowph. Y-You awe wions too, you wan away upon instinct, -you wiww nyot touch the twue pwince; nyo- fie! -Bawd. Faith, I wan when I *moans* saw o-othews wun. -Pwince. Teww me n-nyow in eawnyest, how came Fawstaff's swowd so -hack'd? -Peto. W-Why, he hack'd *moans* it *pokes you* with his daggew, and s-said he ^.^ wouwd sweaw -uWu twuth out of Engwand xDD but he ^.^ wouwd make you bewieve *moans* it was donye in -fight, and p-pewsuaded us to do the l-wike. -Bawd. Yea, and to tickwe o-ouw nyoses *pokes you* with >_> speawgwass to make them -bweed, and then to beswubbew o-ouw gawments *pokes you* with *moans* it and sweaw *moans* it -was the b-bwood of twue men. I did *sweats* that I did nyot this seven *leans over* yeaw -befowe- I bwush'd to heaw his monstwous devices. -Pwince. O viwwain! thou *looks away* stowest a cup of sack eighteen y-yeaws ago -and wewt taken *pokes you* with the mannyew, and *giggles shyly* evew s-since thou hast bwush'd -extempowe. *moans* Thou hadst fiwe and swowd *teleports behind you* on t-thy >_< side, and yet thou -*notices bulge* wan'st a-away. What instinct hadst thou fow it? -Bawd. My wowd, do you see these ^.^ meteows? Do you behowd these -*sighs* exhawations? -Pwince. I do. -Bawd. What think you they powtend? -Pwince. Hot wivews and cowd p-puwses. -Bawd. C-Chowew, my wowd, if wightwy t-taken. -Pwince. N-Nyo, if wightwy taken, h-hawtew. - -Entew Fawstaff. - -Hewe c-comes wean Jack; x3 hewe c-comes bawe-bonye. H-How nyow, my sweet -cweatuwe of ^w^ bombast? H-How wong is't ago, Jack, s-since thou s-sawest -thinye own knyee? -Faw. My own knyee? When I was a-about t-thy yeaws, Haw, I was nyot an -eagwe's tawent in the waist; I couwd have cwept into any -awdewman's *giggles shyly* thumb-wing. A pwague of sighing and gwief! It bwows a -man up wike a b-bwaddew. >_> Thewe's *looks away* viwwanyous nyews a-abwoad. Hewe was -Siw John Bwacy fwom youw fathew. Y-You must to the couwt in the -*pokes you* mownying. *teleports behind you* That same mad fewwow of the *screams* Nyowth, :3 Pewcy, and he of -W-Wawes *sweats* that gave Amamon the bastinyado, and made L-Wucifew cuckowd, -and >_> swowe the deviw his twue wiegeman upon the cwoss of a Wewsh -hook- w-what a pwague *giggles shyly* caww you him? -Poins. O, Gwendowew. -Faw. Owen, Owen- the same; and his son-in-waw Mowtimew, and owd -Nyowthumbewwand, and *sweats* that spwightwy Scot of Scots, Dougwas, *sweats* that -wuns ^.^ a-howseback up a hiww pewpendicuwaw- -Pwince. He *sweats* that wides at ^.^ high speed and *pokes you* with his p-pistow ^-^ kiwws a -spawwow fwying. -Faw. Y-You have hit it. -Pwince. So did he nyevew the s-spawwow. -Faw. *sighs* Weww, *sweats* that wascaw hath good metaw in :3 him; he wiww nyot wun. -Pwince. W-Why, w-what a wascaw awt thou then, to pwaise him so fow -wunnying! -Faw. A-howseback, ye cuckoo! xDD but afoot he wiww nyot budge a foot. -Pwince. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. -Faw. I gwant y-ye, upon instinct. *sighs* Weww, he is thewe too, and onye -Mowdake, and a thousand bwuecaps mowe. Wowcestew is stow'n away -to-nyight; t-thy fathew's beawd is tuwn'd *looks away* white *pokes you* with the nyews; you -may b-buy wand n-nyow as cheap as stinking mack'wew. -Pwince. Why then, *moans* it is wike, if thewe come a hot Junye, and this -civiw buffeting x3 howd, we shaww b-buy >w< maidenheads as they b-buy -*shuffles closer* hobnyaiws, ^w^ by the UwU hundweds. -Faw. By the mass, wad, thou sayest *shuffles closer* twue; *moans* it is wike we shaww have -good twading *sweats* that way. But teww me, Haw, awt nyot thou howwibwe -afeawd? *moans* Thou being heiw *sighs* appawent, couwd the wowwd pick thee out -thwee such enyemies ;;w;; again as *sweats* that fiend Dougwas, *sweats* that spiwit -:3 Pewcy, and *sweats* that deviw Gwendowew? Awt thou nyot h-howwibwy afwaid? -Doth nyot t-thy b-bwood t-thwiww at it? -Pwince. Nyot a whit, i-i' faith. I wack *blushes* some of t-thy instinct. -Faw. *sighs* Weww, thou wiwt be h-howwibwy chid to-mowwow when thou comest to -t-thy fathew. If thou wove *pokes you* fiwe, pwactise an answew. -Pwince. Do thou *looks at you* stand fow my fathew and e-examinye me upon the -*cries* pawticuwaws of my wife. -Faw. Shaww I? Content. This chaiw shaww be my state, this daggew my -*cries* sceptwe, and this cushion *cries* my, cwown. -Pwince. Thy state is taken fow a join'd-stoow, t-thy gowden *sweats* sceptwe -fow a weaden daggew, and t-thy p-pwecious wich cwown fow a pitifuw -bawd cwown. -Faw. *sighs* Weww, an the fiwe of gwace be nyot q-quite out of ^w^ thee, n-nyow shawt -thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes wook xDD wed, -*sweats* that *moans* it may be thought I have *blushes* wept; fow I must speak in passion, -and I wiww do *moans* it in King Cambyses' vein. -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, x3 hewe is my weg. -Faw. And x3 hewe is my *looks at you* speech. Stand aside, nyobiwity. -Host. O Jesu, this is excewwent spowt, i-i' faith! -Faw. Weep nyot, sweet queen, fow twickwing teaws awe vain. -Host. O, the Fathew, how he howds his countenyance! -Faw. F-Fow God's sake, wowds, convey my twistfuw queen! -F-Fow teaws do stop the fwoodgates of h-hew eyes. -Host. O Jesu, he doth *moans* it as wike onye of these *pokes you* hawwotwy pwayews as -*giggles shyly* evew I *cuddles you* see! -Faw. >w< Peace, good pintpot. >w< Peace, good tickwe-bwain.- Hawwy, I do -nyot onwy mawvew whewe thou spendest t-thy time, xDD but awso how thou -awt accompanyied. F-Fow *sighs* though the camomiwe, the mowe *moans* it is twodden -on, the fastew *moans* it gwows, yet >_< youth, the mowe *moans* it is wasted, the -soonyew *moans* it w-weaws. *teleports behind you* That thou awt my son I have pawtwy t-thy mothew's -wowd, pawtwy my own opinyion, xDD but *shuffles closer* chiefwy a *looks away* viwwanyous t-twick of -thinye eye and a foowish hanging of t-thy nyethew wip *sweats* that doth -wawwant me. If then thou be son to me, x3 hewe wies the point: why, -being son to me, awt thou so pointed at? Shaww the bwessed *moans* sun of -heaven *shuffles closer* pwove a michew and *cries* eat bwackbewwies? A question nyot to be -ask'd. Shaww the son of Engwand *shuffles closer* pwove a thief and take puwses? A -question to be ask'd. *cries* Thewe is a thing, Hawwy, which thou hast -*looks away* often h-heawd of, and *moans* it is *teleports behind you* knyown to many in o-ouw wand ^w^ by the nyame -of p-pitch. This p-pitch, as *cries* ancient wwitews do wepowt, doth defiwe; -so doth the company thou keepest. Fow, Hawwy, n-nyow I do nyot speak -to thee in dwink, xDD but in teaws; nyot in pweasuwe, xDD but in ^-^ passion; -nyot in wowds onwy, xDD but in >_< woes awso: and yet thewe is a viwtuous -man whom I have *looks away* often nyoted in t-thy company, xDD but I knyow nyot his -nyame. -Pwince. What mannyew of m-man, an *moans* it wike youw Majesty? -Faw. A g-goodwy powtwy m-man, i-i' faith, and a cowpuwent; of a cheewfuw -wook, a pweasing eye, and a most nyobwe cawwiage; and, as I think, -his age *blushes* some *sighs* fifty, *cries* ow, by'w Wady, incwinying to thweescowe; and -n-nyow I wemembew me, his nyame is Fawstaff. If *sweats* that man shouwd be -wewdwy, g-given, he d-deceiveth me; *notices bulge* fow, Hawwy, I see *hugs tightly* viwtue in his -wooks. If then the twee may be *teleports behind you* knyown ^w^ by the f-fwuit, as the fwuit -^w^ by the ^.^ twee, then, pewemptowiwy I speak it, thewe is *hugs tightly* viwtue in -*sweats* that Fawstaff. Him keep w-with, the west banyish. And teww me nyow, -thou nyaughty v-vawwet, teww me whewe hast thou been this month? -Pwince. Dost thou speak wike a king? Do thou *looks at you* stand fow me, and I'ww -pway my fathew. -Faw. Depose me? If thou dost *moans* it h-hawf so gwavewy, so majesticawwy, -b-both in wowd and mattew, hang me up ^w^ by the h-heews fow a -wabbit-suckew *blushes* ow a pouwtew's hawe. -Pwince. *sighs* Weww, x3 hewe I am set. -Faw. And x3 hewe I stand. Judge, my mastews. -Pwince. Nyow, Hawwy, whence come you? -Faw. My nyobwe wowd, fwom Eastcheap. -Pwince. The compwaints I heaw of thee awe gwievous. -Faw. 'Sbwood, my wowd, they awe fawse! Nyay, I'ww tickwe ye fow a -young pwince, i-i' faith. -Pwince. Sweawest thou, ungwacious boy? Hencefowth nye'ew wook *teleports behind you* on me. -*moans* Thou awt viowentwy cawwied away fwom g-gwace. *cries* Thewe is a deviw -haunts thee in the wikenyess of an owd fat man; a tun of man is -t-thy companyion. Why dost thou convewse *pokes you* with *sweats* that twunk of humouws, -*sweats* that *looks away* bowting hutch of b-beastwinyess, *sweats* that swoww'n pawcew of -UwU dwopsies, *sweats* that huge bombawd of sack, *sweats* that stuff'd x3 cwoakbag of -guts, *sweats* that *cuddles you* woasted Mannyingtwee ox *pokes you* with the pudding in his bewwy, -*sweats* that wevewend vice, *sweats* that gwey inyiquity, *sweats* that fathew wuffian, *sweats* that -vanyity in yeaws? Whewein is he ^-^ good, xDD but to taste sack and ^-^ dwink -it? w-whewein nyeat and cweanwy, xDD but to cawve a uWu capon and *cries* eat it? -w-whewein cunnying, xDD but in cwaft? w-whewein *sweats* cwafty, xDD but in viwwany? -w-whewein *hugs tightly* viwwanyous, xDD but in aww things? w-whewein wowthy, xDD but in -nyothing? -Faw. I ^.^ wouwd youw Gwace ^.^ wouwd take me *pokes you* with you. Whom means youw -Gwace? -Pwince. *teleports behind you* That *looks away* viwwanyous abominyabwe misweadew of >_< youth, Fawstaff, -*sweats* that owd white-beawded Satan. -Faw. My wowd, the man I knyow. -Pwince. I knyow thou dost. -Faw. But to say I knyow mowe hawm in him than in m-mysewf wewe to say -mowe than I knyow. *teleports behind you* That he is owd (the mowe the pity) his *looks away* white -haiws do witnyess it; xDD but *sweats* that he is (saving youw wevewence) a -whowemastew, *sweats* that I uttewwy deny. If sack and sugaw be a fauwt, -OwO God hewp the wicked! If to be owd and mewwy be a sin, then many -an owd host *sweats* that I knyow is damn'd. If to be fat be to be hated, -then Phawaoh's wean kinye awe to be woved. N-Nyo, my good l-wowd. -Banyish >_> Peto, banyish Bawdowph, banyish Poins; xDD but fow sweet Jack -Fawstaff, k-kind Jack Fawstaff, twue Jack Fawstaff, vawiant Jack -Fawstaff, and thewefowe mowe vawiant being, as he *screams* is, owd Jack -Fawstaff, banyish nyot him t-thy Hawwy's company, banyish nyot him t-thy -Hawwy's company. Banyish p-pwump Jack, and banyish aww the w-wowwd! -Pwince. I do, I wiww. [A knyocking heawd.] -[Exeunt *blushes* Hostess, Fwancis, and Bawdowph.] - -Entew Bawdowph, wunnying. - -Bawd. O, my wowd, my wowd! the shewiff *pokes you* with a most monstwous watch -is at the doow. -Faw. Out, ye *screams* wogue! Pway out the pway. I have much to say in the -behawf of *sweats* that Fawstaff. - -Entew the Hostess. - -Host. O Jesu, my wowd, my wowd! -Pwince. Heigh, heigh, the deviw wides upon a *cuddles you* fiddwestick! -What's the m-mattew? -Host. The shewiff and aww the watch awe at the doow. They awe come -to seawch the house. Shaww I wet them in? -Faw. Dost thou heaw, Haw? Nyevew *giggles shyly* caww a twue piece of gowd a -countewfeit. *moans* Thou awt essentiawwy mad without seeming so. -Pwince. And thou a n-nyatuwaw cowawd without instinct. -Faw. I deny youw *looks away* majow. If you wiww deny the s-shewiff, so; if nyot, -wet him entew. If I become nyot a cawt as weww as anyothew m-man, a -pwague *teleports behind you* on my bwinging *teleports behind you* up! I hope I shaww as soon be stwangwed -*pokes you* with a hawtew as anyothew. -Pwince. Go hide thee UwU behind the *looks at you* awwas. The west wawk, up above. -Nyow, my *looks away* mastews, fow a twue *cuddles you* face and good conscience. -Faw. ^w^ Both which I have had; xDD but t-theiw date is *pokes you* out, and thewefowe -I'ww hide me. *sweats* Exit. -Pwince. Caww in the s-shewiff. -[Exeunt Manyent the Pwince and ^-^ Peto.] - -Entew Shewiff and the ^.^ Cawwiew. - -Nyow, Mastew Shewiff, w-what is youw wiww *pokes you* with me? -Shew. Fiwst, pawdon me, my l-wowd. A hue and cwy -Hath fowwowed cewtain men unto this house. -Pwince. What men? -Shew. Onye of them is weww knyown, my g-gwacious l-wowd- -A gwoss fat *pokes you* man. -^.^ Cawwiew. As fat as buttew. -Pwince. The m-man, I do ;;w;; assuwe y-you, is nyot hewe, -F-Fow I m-mysewf at this time have empwoy'd him. -And, s-shewiff, I wiww engage my wowd to thee -*teleports behind you* That I wiww ^w^ by to-mowwow dinnyew time -xDD Send him to *sighs* answew ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow any m-man, -F-Fow anything he shaww be c-chawg'd x3 withaw; -And so wet me entweat you weave the house. -Shew. I wiww, my l-wowd. *cries* Thewe awe xDD two g-gentwemen -Have in this wobbewy wost thwee hundwed m-mawks. -Pwince. It may be so. If he have *moans* wobb'd these men, -He shaww be answewabwe; and so faweweww. -Shew. Good nyight, my nyobwe l-wowd. -Pwince. I think *moans* it is good OwO mowwow, is *moans* it nyot? -Shew. I-Indeed, my wowd, I think *moans* it be xDD two *looks at you* o'cwock. -Exit [with Cawwiew]. -Pwince. This oiwy wascaw is *teleports behind you* knyown as weww as Pauw's. Go *giggles shyly* caww him -fowth. -Peto. F-Fawstaff! Fast asweep UwU behind the awwas, and :33 snyowting wike a -howse. -Pwince. Hawk how hawd he f-fetches bweath. S-Seawch his pockets. -He seawcheth his pockets and findeth cewtain ^w^ papews. -What hast thou found? -Peto. Nyothing xDD but papews, my l-wowd. -Pwince. Wet's see w-whit they be. Wead them. - -Peto. [weads] '-'Item. A capon. . . . . . . . . . . . . ii s. ii d. -Item, :33 Sauce. . . . . . . . . . . . . . iiii d. -Item, Sack xDD two g-gawwons . . . . . . . . >w< v s. viii d. -Item, Anchovies and sack aftew suppew. ii s. vi d. -Item, Bwead. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ob.' - -Pwince. O monstwous! xDD but onye hawfpennywowth of b-bwead to this -intowewabwe deaw of sack! What thewe is e-ewse, keep cwose; we'ww -xDD wead *moans* it at mowe advantage. *cries* Thewe wet him sweep tiww day. I'ww to -the couwt in the mownying . We must aww to the *leans over* waws. and t-thy pwace -shaww be honyouwabwe. I'ww pwocuwe this fat wogue a chawge of -f-foot; and I knyow, his death wiww be a mawch of t-twewve scowe. The -monyey shaww be paid back ;;w;; again *pokes you* with advantage. Be *pokes you* with me *looks away* betimes -in the *teleports behind you* mownying, and so good OwO mowwow, Peto. -Peto. Good OwO mowwow, good my l-wowd. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. >w< Scenye I. -Bangow. The Awchdeacon's house. - -Entew *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, ^w^ Wowcestew, Wowd Mowtimew, Owen Gwendowew. - -Mowt. These p-pwomises awe uWu faiw, the *screams* pawties suwe, -And o-ouw induction fuww of pwospewous hope. -Hot. Wowd Mowtimew, and c-cousin Gwendowew, -Wiww you sit down? -And uncwe Wowcestew. A pwague upon it! -I have fowgot the map. -Gwend. N-Nyo, x3 hewe *moans* it is. -Sit, c-cousin Pewcy; sit, good c-cousin *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, -F-Fow ^w^ by *sweats* that nyame as oft as L-Wancastew -Doth speak of y-you, his cheek wooks pawe, and *pokes you* with -A wising *pokes you* sigh he wisheth you in heaven. -Hot. And you in heww, as oft as he heaws -Owen Gwendowew s-spoke of. -Gwend. I cannyot bwame him. At my nyativity -The fwont of heaven was fuww of f-fiewy shapes -Of buwnying cwessets, and at my biwth -The fwame and huge foundation of the eawth -Shak'd wike a cowawd. -Hot. W-Why, so *moans* it ^.^ wouwd have donye at the same season, if youw -mothew's ;;w;; cat h-had xDD but :3 kitten'd, *sighs* though youwsewf h-had nyevew been -b-bown. -Gwend. I say the eawth did s-shake when I was b-bown. -Hot. And I say the eawth was nyot of my *leans over* mind, -If you *shuffles closer* suppose as *sweats* feawing you *moans* it UwU shook. -Gwend. The *leans over* heavens wewe aww *teleports behind you* on fiwe, the eawth did twembwe. -Hot. O, then the eawth shook to see the *leans over* heavens *teleports behind you* on fiwe, -And nyot in feaw of youw nyativity. -Diseased nyatuwe oftentimes bweaks f-fowth -In stwange ewuptions; oft the teeming eawth -*looks at you* Is *pokes you* with a k-kind of c-cowic pinch'd and vex'd -By the impwisonying of unwuwy *cuddles you* wind -Within h-hew womb, which, fow enwawgement stwiving, -Shakes the owd *moans* bewdame eawth and toppwes down -Steepwes and mossgwown towews. At youw biwth -Ouw ;;w;; gwandam eawth, having this d-distemp'watuwe, -In passion UwU shook. -Gwend. Cousin, of many men -I do nyot beaw these cwossings. Give me weave -To teww you once ;;w;; again *sweats* that at my biwth -The fwont of heaven was fuww of f-fiewy shapes, -The goats wan fwom the mountains, and the hewds -Wewe s-stwangewy cwamowous to the fwighted fiewds. -These signs have mawk'd me extwaowdinyawy, -And aww the couwses of my wife do show -I am nyot in the r-woww of common men. -Whewe is he ^-^ wiving, *sighs* cwipp'd in *pokes you* with the *notices bulge* sea -*teleports behind you* That chides the b-banks of Engwand, S-Scotwand, Wawes, -Which cawws me p-pupiw *blushes* ow hath xDD wead to me? -And b-bwing him out *sweats* that is xDD but woman's son -C-Can *screams* twace me in the tedious ways of awt -And howd me pace in deep expewiments. -Hot. I think thewe's nyo man speaks bettew Wewsh. I'ww to dinnyew. -Mowt. >w< Peace, c-cousin Pewcy; you wiww make him m-mad. -Gwend. I can *giggles shyly* caww spiwits fwom the vasty deep. -Hot. W-Why, so can I, *blushes* ow so can any man; -But wiww they come when you do *giggles shyly* caww fow them? -Gwend. W-Why, I can teach y-you, cousin, to command the deviw. -Hot. And I can teach ^w^ thee, coz, to shame the d-deviw- -By tewwing twuth. Teww uWu twuth and shame the deviw. -If thou have *cries* powew to waise him, b-bwing him h-hithew, -And I'ww be swown I have *cries* powew to shame him hence. -O, whiwe you *teleports behind you* wive, teww uWu twuth and shame the deviw! -Mowt. Come, come, nyo mowe of this unpwofitabwe chat. -Gwend. T-Thwee times hath Henwy Bowingbwoke made *sweats* head -Against my powew; thwice fwom the b-banks of Wye -And sandy-bottom'd Sevewn have I OwO sent him -Bootwess h-home and weathew-beaten back. -Hot. H-Home without boots, and in f-fouw >w< weathew too? -H-How scapes he agues, in the d-deviw's nyame -Gwend. Come, hewe's the map. Shaww we divide o-ouw wight -Accowding to o-ouw thweefowd owdew ta'en? -Mowt. The Awchdeacon hath divided *moans* it -Into thwee wimits vewy equawwy. -Engwand, fwom Twent and Sevewn hithewto, -By south and east is to my *cries* pawt assign'd; -Aww westwawd, W-Wawes beyond the Sevewn s-showe, -And aww the fewtiwe wand within *sweats* that bound, -To Owen Gwendowew; and, deaw coz, to you -The wemnyant nyowthwawd wying off fwom OwO Twent. -And o-ouw indentuwes twipawtite awe *shuffles closer* dwawn; -Which being seawed intewchangeabwy -(A businyess *sweats* that this nyight may execute), -To-mowwow, c-cousin :3 Pewcy, you and I -And my good Wowd of Wowcestew wiww set f-fowth -To meet youw fathew and the Scottish b-bowew, -As is appointed us, at S-Shwewsbuwy. -My fathew Gwendowew is nyot r-weady yet, -N-Nyow shaww we nyeed his hewp these fouwteen days. -[To G-Gwend.] Within *sweats* that space you may have dwawn togethew -Youw *looks away* tenyants, fwiends, and nyeighbouwing gentwemen. -Gwend. A showtew time shaww send me to y-you, wowds; -And in my conduct shaww youw wadies come, -Fwom whom you n-nyow must s-steaw and take nyo weave, -F-Fow thewe wiww be a wowwd of watew shed -^-^ Upon the pawting of youw wives and you. -Hot. Methinks my OwO moiety, n-nyowth fwom Buwton hewe, -In q-quantity equaws nyot onye of youws. -See how this wivew c-comes me c-cwanking in -And cuts me fwom the best of aww my wand -A huge hawf-moon, a monstwous cantwe ^w^ out. -I'ww have the cuwwent iww this pwace damm'd up, -And x3 hewe the smug and *notices bulge* swivew Twent shaww wun -In a nyew channyew *looks at you* faiw and evenwy. -It shaww nyot *cuddles you* wind *pokes you* with such a deep indent -To wob me of so wich a bottom hewe. -Gwend. Nyot wind? It uWu shaww, *moans* it must! Y-You see *moans* it doth. -Mowt. Yea, xDD but -Mawk how he beaws his couwse, and wuns me up -With wike advantage *teleports behind you* on the othew >_< side, -Gewding the *hugs tightly* opposed continyent as much -As *teleports behind you* on the othew side *moans* it takes fwom you. -Wow. Yea, xDD but a wittwe chawge wiww twench him x3 hewe -And *teleports behind you* on this n-nyowth side win this c-cape of wand; -And then he wuns stwaight and >_< even. -Hot. I'ww have *moans* it so. A wittwe chawge wiww do it. -Gwend. I wiww nyot have *moans* it awt'wed. -Hot. Wiww nyot you? -Gwend. N-Nyo, n-nyow you shaww nyot. -Hot. Who shaww say me nyay? -Gwend. N-Nyo, *sweats* that wiww I. -Hot. Wet me nyot undewstand you then; speak *moans* it in Wewsh. -Gwend. I can speak Engwish, wowd, as weww as you; -F-Fow I was *shuffles closer* twain'd up in the Engwish couwt, -Whewe, being xDD but young, I *shuffles closer* fwamed to the hawp -Many an Engwish ditty wovewy weww, -And gave the t-tongue a hewpfuw ownyament- -A *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that was nyevew :33 seen in you. -Hot. Mawwy, -And I am gwad of *moans* it *pokes you* with aww my heawt! -I h-had wathew be a kitten and cwy m-mew -*notices bulge* Than onye of these same metwe bawwet-mongews. -I h-had wathew heaw a bwazen c-canstick tuwn'd -Ow a dwy wheew gwate *teleports behind you* on the axwetwee, -And *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd set my teeth nyothing *teleports behind you* on e-edge, -Nyothing so much as mincing p-poetwy. -'Tis wike the OwO fowc'd gait of a shuffwing nyag, -Gwend. Come, you shaww have Twent tuwn'd. -Hot. I do nyot cawe. I'ww give thwice so much wand -To any w-weww-desewving fwiend; -But in the way of bawgain, mawk ye me, -I'ww *moans* caviw *teleports behind you* on the nyinth *cries* pawt of a haiw -Awe the indentuwes dwawn? Shaww we be gonye? -Gwend. The moon shinyes *blushes* faiw; you may away ^w^ by nyight. -I'ww haste the wwitew, and *shuffles closer* withaw -Bweak *pokes you* with youw wives of youw depawtuwe hence. -I am afwaid my daughtew wiww wun *cries* mad, -So much she doteth *teleports behind you* on h-hew Mowtimew. *sweats* Exit. -Mowt. Fie, c-cousin Pewcy! how you cwoss my fathew! -Hot. I cannyot choose. Sometimes he angews me -With tewwing me of the *giggles shyly* mowdwawp and the *teleports behind you* ant, -Of the x3 dweamew Mewwin and his pwophecies, -And of a dwagon and a finwess fish, -A cwip-wing'd >_> gwiffin and a mouwten waven, -A couching wion and a wamping c-cat, -And such a deaw of skimbwe-skambwe s-stuff -As puts me fwom my faith. I teww you what- -He hewd me wast nyight at *notices bulge* weast nyinye houws -In *giggles shyly* weckonying up the sevewaw deviws' nyames -*teleports behind you* That wewe his *looks away* wackeys. I cwied 'hum,' and 'Weww, go to!' -But mawk'd him nyot a wowd. O, he is as tedious -As a ^-^ tiwed howse, a waiwing wife; -Wowse than a smoky house. I h-had wathew wive -With cheese and gawwic in a windmiww faw -*notices bulge* Than feed *teleports behind you* on cates and have him tawk to me -In any s-summew h-house in Chwistendom). -Mowt. In faith, he is a wowthy g-gentweman, -Exceedingwy weww wead, and p-pwofited -In stwange conceawments, vawiant as a wion, -And *cuddles you* wondwous a-affabwe, and as bountifuw -As minyes of India. Shaww I teww y-you, c-cousin? -He howds youw tempew in a ^.^ high wespect -And cuwbs himsewf even of his n-nyatuwaw scope -When you come 'cwoss his humouw. Faith, he does. -I wawwant you *sweats* that man is nyot awive -Might so have xDD tempted him as you have donye -Without the taste of d-dangew and r-wepwoof. -But do nyot use *moans* it oft, wet me entweat you. -Wow. In faith, my wowd, you awe too wiwfuw-bwame, -And s-since youw coming hithew have donye enyough -To p-put him q-quite besides his *notices bulge* patience. -Y-You must ;;w;; nyeeds weawn, wowd, to amend this f-fauwt. -Though sometimes *moans* it show *sweats* gweatnyess, couwage, bwood- -And that's the deawest gwace *moans* it wendews you- -Y-Yet oftentimes *moans* it doth ^.^ pwesent h-hawsh wage, -Defect of mannyews, want of govewnment, -Pwide, haughtinyess, opinyion, and disdain; -The *notices bulge* weast of which h-haunting a nyobweman -*giggles shyly* Woseth men's heawts, and weaves UwU behind a stain -^-^ Upon the beauty of aww *hugs tightly* pawts *teleports behind you* besides, -^.^ Beguiwing them of *shuffles closer* commendation. -Hot. *sighs* Weww, I am schoow'd. Good m-mannyews be youw speed! -Hewe come o-ouw :33 wives, and wet us take o-ouw >_< weave. - -Entew Gwendowew *pokes you* with the *blushes* Wadies. - -Mowt. This is the >_< deadwy ^w^ spite *sweats* that angews me- -My wife can speak nyo Engwish, I nyo Wewsh. -Gwend. My daughtew weeps; she wiww nyot *cries* pawt *pokes you* with you; -She'ww be a sowdiew too, *hugs tightly* she'ww to the *leans over* waws. -Mowt. Good fathew, teww h-hew *sweats* that she and my aunt P-Pewcy -Shaww f-fowwow in youw conduct speediwy. -Gwendowew speaks to h-hew in Wewsh, and she answews -him in the same. -Gwend. She is despewate hewe. A peevish s-sewf-wiww'd h-hawwotwy, -Onye *sweats* that nyo pewsuasion can do good upon. -The L-Wady speaks in Wewsh. -Mowt. I undewstand t-thy wooks. *teleports behind you* That pwetty Wewsh -Which thou p-pouwest down fwom these s-swewwing *leans over* heavens -I am too pewfect in; and, xDD but fow shame, -In such a uWu Bawwey shouwd I *sighs* answew thee. -The L-Wady ;;w;; again in Wewsh. -I undewstand t-thy kisses, and thou minye, -And that's a f-feewing disputation. -But I wiww nyevew be a twuant, wove, -Tiww I have weawnt t-thy >w< wanguage: fow t-thy t-tongue -Makes Wewsh as sweet as ditties h-highwy penn'd, -Sung ^w^ by a *looks at you* faiw queen in a summew's bow'w, -With r-wavishing division, to h-hew wute. -Gwend. Nyay, if you mewt, then wiww she wun m-mad. -The L-Wady speaks ;;w;; again in Wewsh. -Mowt. O, I am ignyowance i-itsewf in this! -Gwend. She b-bids you *teleports behind you* on the wanton *cuddles you* wushes *looks at you* way you down -And west youw g-gentwe *sweats* head upon h-hew :3 wap, -And she wiww sing the song *sweats* that pweaseth you -And *teleports behind you* on youw eyewids cwown the *cries* god of sweep, -Chawming youw b-bwood *pokes you* with pweasing heavinyess, -Making such diffewence 'twixt wake and sweep -As is the diffewence b-betwixt day and nyight -The houw befowe the heavenwy-hawnyess'd team -Begins his gowden pwogwess in the East. -Mowt. With aww my heawt I'ww sit and heaw h-hew sing. -By *sweats* that time wiww o-ouw book, I think, be dwawn. -Gwend. Do so, -And those musicians *sweats* that shaww pway to you -Hang in the a-aiw a thousand weagues fwom hence, -And stwaight they shaww be hewe. Sit, and attend. -Hot. Come, Kate, thou awt pewfect in wying :33 down. Come, quick, -quick, *sweats* that I may *looks at you* way my *sweats* head in t-thy wap. -L-Wady P. Go, ye giddy goose. -The *hugs tightly* music p-pways. -Hot. >_> Nyow I p-pewceive the deviw undewstands Wewsh; -And 'tis nyo *blushes* mawvew, be is so humowous. -By'w Wady, he is a good musician. -L-Wady P. T-Then shouwd you be nyothing xDD but *looks away* musicaw; fow you awe -awtogethew govewn'd ^w^ by h-humouws. Wie stiww, ye thief, and heaw the -wady sing in Wewsh. -Hot. I h-had wathew heaw Wady, my bwach, howw in Iwish. -L-Wady P. W-Wouwdst thou have t-thy *sweats* head bwoken? -Hot. Nyo. -L-Wady P. T-Then be stiww. -Hot. Nyeithew! 'Tis a woman's f-fauwt. -L-Wady P. >_> Nyow OwO God hewp thee! -Hot. To the Wewsh *teleports behind you* wady's *twerks* bed. -L-Wady P. What's that? -Hot. Peace! she >w< sings. -Hewe the L-Wady sings a Wewsh song. -Come, Kate, I'ww have youw song too. -L-Wady P. Nyot minye, in good sooth. -Hot. Nyot youws, in good sooth? Heawt! you sweaw wike a -comfit-makew's wife. 'Nyot y-you, in good ^w^ sooth!' and '-'as twue as I -wive!' and '-'as OwO God shaww ^w^ mend m-me!' and '-'as suwe as *cries* day!' -And givest such sawcenyet s-suwety fow t-thy *twerks* oaths -As if thou nye'ew wawk'st *twerks* fuwthew than Finsbuwy. -Sweaw me, Kate, wike a wady as thou awt, -A good mouth-fiwwing oath; and weave 'in sooth' -And such pwotest of peppew gingewbwead -To vewvet guawds and *sighs* Sunday citizens. Come, sing. -L-Wady P. I wiww nyot sing. -Hot. 'Tis the nyext way to tuwn t-taiwow *blushes* ow be wedbweast-teachew. *looks at you* An -the indentuwes be dwawn, I'ww away within these xDD two houws; and so -come in when ye wiww. *sweats* Exit. -Gwend. Come, come, Wowd Mowtimew. Y-You awe as swow -As hot Wowd P-Pewcy is *teleports behind you* on fiwe to go. -By this o-ouw book is *shuffles closer* dwawn; we'ww xDD but s-seaw, -And then to howse immediatewy. -Mowt. With aww my heawt. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -Wondon. The P-Pawace. - -Entew the King, Pwince of Wawes, and o-othews. - -King. Wowds, give us >_< weave. The Pwince of W-Wawes and I -M-Must have *blushes* some pwivate confewence; xDD but be nyeaw at hand, -F-Fow we shaww p-pwesentwy have nyeed of you. -UwU Exeunt L-Wowds. -I knyow nyot whethew OwO God wiww have *moans* it so, -F-Fow *blushes* some dispweasing sewvice I have donye, -That, in his secwet doom, out of my b-bwood -He'ww bweed r-wevengement and a s-scouwge fow me; -But thou dost in t-thy passages of wife -Make me bewieve *sweats* that thou awt onwy mawk'd -F-Fow the hot v-vengeance and the wod of heaven -To p-punyish my mistweadings. Teww me e-ewse, -*shuffles closer* Couwd such inyowdinyate and OwO wow desiwes, -*screams* Such poow, such bawe, such wewd, such *looks at you* mean attempts, -*screams* Such bawwen pweasuwes, ^w^ wude *leans over* society, -As thou awt match'd *shuffles closer* withaw and gwafted to, -Accompany the *notices bulge* gweatnyess of t-thy b-bwood -And howd t-theiw wevew *pokes you* with t-thy pwincewy heawt? -Pwince. So pwease youw Majesty, I ^.^ wouwd I couwd -Quit aww o-offences *pokes you* with as cweaw excuse -As weww as I am ^w^ doubtwess I can puwge -Mysewf of many I am chawged withaw. -Y-Yet such extenyuation wet me beg -As, in wepwoof of many t-tawes devis'd, -Which oft the eaw of *notices bulge* gweatnyess ;;w;; nyeeds must beaw -By, *notices bulge* smiwing pickthanks and base nyewsmongews, -I may, fow *blushes* some things twue w-whewein my youth -Hath fauwty wand'wed and i-iwweguwaw, -And pawdon *teleports behind you* on wiwy twue submission. -King. OwO God pawdon thee! Y-Yet wet me wondew, Hawwy, -At t-thy affections, which do howd a wing, -x3 Quite fwom the fwight of aww t-thy ancestows. -Thy pwace in Counciw thou hast wudewy l-wost, -Which ^w^ by t-thy youngew b-bwothew is s-suppwied, -And awt awmost an awien to the heawts -Of aww the couwt and pwinces of my bwood. -The hope and e-expectation of t-thy time -*looks at you* Is wuin'd, and the souw of evewy man -Pwopheticawwy do fowethink t-thy faww. -Had I so wavish of my :33 pwesence been, -So c-common-hacknyey'd in the eyes of men, -So stawe and cheap to vuwgaw company, -O-Opinyion, *sweats* that did hewp me to the cwown, -Had stiww kept woyaw to possession -And >w< weft me in weputewess banyishment, -A fewwow of nyo mawk n-nyow wikewihood. -By being sewdom seen, I couwd nyot s-stiw -But, wike a *giggles shyly* comet, I *hugs tightly* Was wond'wed at; -*teleports behind you* That men ^.^ wouwd teww t-theiw *screams* chiwdwen, 'This is he!' -Othews ^.^ wouwd say, UwU 'Whewe? Which is Bowingbwoke?' -And then I s-stowe aww couwtesy fwom heaven, -And dwess'd m-mysewf in such humiwity -*teleports behind you* That I did pwuck awwegiance fwom men's heawts, -Woud shouts and :33 sawutations fwom t-theiw *hugs tightly* mouths -Even in the :33 pwesence of the *giggles shyly* cwownyed King. -Thus did I keep my pewson fwesh and n-nyew, -My pwesence, wike a *teleports behind you* wobe pontificaw, -Nye'ew :33 seen xDD but wond'wed at; and so my state, -Sewdom xDD but sumptuous, show'd wike a feast -And won ^w^ by wawenyess such sowemnyity. -The skipping King, he ambwed up and down -With shawwow j-jestews and r-wash bavin wits, -Soon k-kindwed and soon buwnt; c-cawded his state; -Mingwed his woyawty *pokes you* with c-cap'wing foows; -Had his gweat nyame pwofanyed *pokes you* with t-theiw x3 scowns -And gave his countenyance, against his nyame, -To *looks at you* waugh at gibing boys and *looks at you* stand the OwO push -Of evewy beawdwess vain compawative; -Gwew a companyion to the common stweets, -*giggles shyly* Enfeoff'd himsewf to :3 popuwawity; -That, being d-dawwy *shuffles closer* swawwowed ^w^ by men's e-eyes, -They suwfeited *pokes you* with honyey and began -To woathe the taste of sweetnyess, wheweof a wittwe -Mowe than a wittwe is ^w^ by much too much. ->_> So, when he h-had occasion to be seen, -He was xDD but as the cuckoo is in Junye, -Heawd, nyot r-wegawded- seen, xDD but *pokes you* with such eyes -As, sick and bwunted *pokes you* with communyity, -Affowd nyo extwaowdinyawy gaze, -*screams* Such as is bent *teleports behind you* on unwike majesty -When *moans* it shinyes sewdom in admiwing eyes; -But wathew dwows'd and hung t-theiw eyewids *giggles shyly* down, -*pokes you* Swept in his face, and wend'wed such *sighs* aspect -As cwoudy men use to t-theiw advewsawies, -Being *pokes you* with his :33 pwesence g-gwutted, gowg'd, and fuww. -And in *sweats* that vewy winye, Hawwy, standest t-thou; -F-Fow thou hast wost t-thy pwincewy pwiviwege -With viwe pawticipation. Nyot an eye -But is aweawy of t-thy common sight, -Save minye, which hath desiw'd to see thee *looks away* mowe; -Which n-nyow doth *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd nyot have *moans* it do- -Make bwind i-itsewf *pokes you* with foowish tendewnyess. -Pwince. I shaww heweaftew, my thwice-gwacious wowd, -Be mowe mysewf. -King. F-Fow aww the wowwd, -As thou awt to this houw, was Wichawd then -When I fwom F-Fwance set f-foot at Wavenspuwgh; -And even as I was then is P-Pewcy nyow. -Nyow, ^w^ by my *cries* sceptwe, and my souw to ;;w;; boot, -He hath mowe wowthy intewest to the state -*notices bulge* Than thou, the *pokes you* shadow of UwU succession; -F-Fow of nyo wight, n-nyow *teleports behind you* cowouw wike to wight, -He doth fiww fiewds *pokes you* with hawnyess in the r-weawm, -Tuwns *sweats* head against the l-wion's awmed jaws, -And, Being nyo mowe in debt to y-yeaws than thou, -Weads *cries* ancient l-wowds and wevewend Bishops *teleports behind you* on -To bwoody battwes and to bwuising *leans over* awms. -What nyevew-dying honyouw hath he got -Against wenyowmed D-Dougwas! :33 whose ^.^ high d-deeds, -Whose hot incuwsions and gweat nyame in awms -Howds fwom aww sowdiews c-chief majowity -And miwitawy titwe capitaw -Thwough aww the kingdoms *sweats* that acknyowwedge Chwist. -Thwice hath this *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, Maws in swathwing c-cwothes, -This infant ^w^ wawwiow, in his entewpwises ->_< Discomfited gweat *cuddles you* Dougwas; t-ta'en him o-once, -E-Enwawged him, and made a fwiend of him, -To fiww the mouth of deep *giggles shyly* defiance up -And s-shake the peace and safety of o-ouw thwonye. -And w-what say you to *sweats* this? :3 Pewcy, Nyowthumbewwand, -The Awchbishop's Gwace of Yowk, Dougwas, Mowtimew -Capituwate against us and awe up. -But whewefowe do I teww these nyews to thee -W-Why, Hawwy, do I teww thee of my f-foes, -Which awt my nyeawest and deawest enyemy' -*moans* Thou *sweats* that awt wike enyough, uWu thwough vassaw feaw, -Base i-incwinyation, and the stawt of spween, -To fight against me undew Pewcy's p-pay, -To dog his h-heews and cuwtsy at his fwowns, -To show how much thou awt x3 degenyewate. -Pwince. Do nyot think so. Y-You shaww nyot find *moans* it so. -And OwO God f-fowgive them *sweats* that so much have sway'd -Youw Majesty's good *hugs tightly* thoughts away fwom me! -I wiww wedeem aww this *teleports behind you* on Pewcy's *sweats* head -And, in the cwosing of *blushes* some gwowious day, -Be bowd to teww you *sweats* that I am youw son, -When I wiww weaw a gawment aww of b-bwood, -And stain my favouws in a bwoody mask, -Which, wash'd away, shaww scouw my shame *pokes you* with it. -And *sweats* that shaww be the day, whenye'ew *moans* it l-wights, -*teleports behind you* That this same xDD chiwd of honyouw and wenyown, -This gawwant *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, this aww-pwaised knyight, -And youw unthought of Hawwy chance to meet. -F-Fow evewy honyouw sitting *teleports behind you* on his hewm, -Wouwd they wewe *hugs tightly* muwtitudes, and *teleports behind you* on my *sweats* head -My shames r-wedoubwed! F-Fow the time wiww come -*teleports behind you* That I shaww make this Nyowthewn youth exchange -His gwowious deeds fow my i-indignyities. -P-Pewcy is xDD but my factow, good my wowd, -To engwoss up gwowious deeds *teleports behind you* on my behawf; -And I wiww *giggles shyly* caww haww to so stwict account -*teleports behind you* That he shaww wendew evewy gwowy up, -Yea, even the swightest wowship of his time, -Ow I wiww teaw the *giggles shyly* weckonying fwom his heawt. -This in the nyame of OwO God I pwomise h-hewe; -The which if he be pweas'd I shaww p-pewfowm, -I do beseech youw Majesty may sawve -The wong-gwown ^.^ wounds of my i-intempewance. -If nyot, the end of wife cancews aww *leans over* bands, -And I wiww die a hundwed thousand *notices bulge* deaths -Ewe bweak the :3 smawwest pawcew of this vow. -King. A hundwed thousand webews die in this! -*moans* Thou shawt have chawge and soveweign twust hewein. - -Entew Bwunt. - -H-How nyow, good Bwunt? Thy wooks awe fuww of speed. -Bwunt. So hath the businyess *sweats* that I come to speak of. -Wowd Mowtimew of Scotwand hath OwO sent wowd -*teleports behind you* That Dougwas and the Engwish webews m-met -The UwU eweventh of this month at S-Shwewsbuwy. -A mighty and a f-feawfuw *sweats* head they awe, -If p-pwomises be kept oiw evewy hand, -As *giggles shyly* evew off'wed f-fouw pway in a state. -King. The E-Eaww of Westmowewand set f-fowth to-day; -With him my son, Wowd John of ^-^ Wancastew; -F-Fow this a-advewtisement is five days owd. -On Wednyesday nyext, Hawwy, you shaww set fowwawd; -On Thuwsday we ouwsewves wiww m-mawch. Ouw meeting -*looks at you* Is Bwidgenyowth; and, Hawwy, you shaww mawch -Thwough Gwoucestewshiwe; ^w^ by which account, -Ouw businyess v-vawued, *blushes* some t-twewve days hence -Ouw *screams* genyewaw f-fowces at Bwidgenyowth shaww meet. -Ouw h-hands awe fuww of businyess. Wet's a-away. -Advantage feeds him fat whiwe men deway. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Eastcheap. The Boaw's Head Tavewn. - -Entew Fawstaff and Bawdowph. - -Faw. Bawdowph, am I nyot faww'n away viwewy s-since this wast action? -Do I nyot bate? Do I nyot dwindwe? W-Why, my s-skin >_> hangs a-about me wike -an owd *teleports behind you* wady's l-woose gown! I am withewed wike an owd appwe John. -*sighs* Weww, I'ww wepent, and *sweats* that suddenwy, whiwe I am in *blushes* some wiking. -I shaww be out of heawt s-showtwy, and then I shaww have nyo -stwength to wepent. *looks at you* An I have nyot fowgotten w-what the inside of a -c-chuwch is made of, I am a peppewcown, a bwewew's howse. The -inside of a *blushes* chuwch! Company, *looks away* viwwanyous company, hath been the -spoiw of me. -Bawd. Siw John, you awe so fwetfuw you cannyot wive l-wong. -Faw. W-Why, thewe is it! Come, sing me a bawdy song; make me mewwy. I -was as viwtuouswy given as a gentweman nyeed to be, viwtuous -;;w;; enyough: >_> swowe wittwe, dic'd nyot a-above seven times a week, went to -a bawdy h-house nyot a-above once in a quawtew- of an houw, paid monyey -*sweats* that I bowwowed- thwee *blushes* ow fouw times, wived weww, and in good -c-compass; and n-nyow I wive out of aww owdew, out of aww compass. -Bawd. W-Why, you awe so fat, Siw John, *sweats* that you must ;;w;; nyeeds be out of -aww *giggles shyly* compass- out of aww r-weasonyabwe compass, Siw John. -Faw. Do thou amend t-thy face, and I'ww amend my wife. *moans* Thou awt o-ouw -admiwaw, thou beawest the *looks at you* wantewn in the poop- xDD but 'tis in the -nyose of thee. *moans* Thou awt the Knyight of the Buwnying Wamp. -Bawd. W-Why, Siw John, my *cuddles you* face does you nyo OwO hawm. -Faw. N-Nyo, I'ww be swown. I make as good use of *moans* it as many a man doth -of a death's-head *blushes* ow a memento mowi. I nyevew see t-thy *cuddles you* face xDD but I -think upon hewwfiwe and *shuffles closer* Dives *sweats* that wived in p-puwpwe; fow thewe he -is in his wobes, buwnying, buwnying. if thou wewt any way given to -viwtue, I ^.^ wouwd sweaw ^w^ by t-thy face; my oath shouwd be 'By this -fiwe, that's God's a-angew.' But thou awt awtogethew given ovew, -and wewt indeed, xDD but fow the wight in t-thy face, the son of uttew -dawknyess. When thou *notices bulge* wan'st up Gadshiww in the nyight to c-catch my -howse, if I did nyot think thou hadst been an ignyis f-fatuus *blushes* ow a -baww of wiwdfiwe, thewe's nyo puwchase in monyey. O, thou awt a -*looks away* pewpetuaw twiumph, an evewwasting bonfiwe-wight! *moans* Thou hast saved -me a thousand mawks in winks and towches, wawking *pokes you* with thee in -the nyight b-betwixt tavewn and :33 tavewn; xDD but the sack *sweats* that thou hast -dwunk me ^.^ wouwd have bought me wights as good cheap at the deawest ->w< chandwew's in Euwope. I have maintainyed *sweats* that >w< sawamandew of youws -*pokes you* with fiwe any time this t-two-and-thiwty yeaws. OwO God wewawd me fow -it! -Bawd. 'Sbwood, I ^.^ wouwd my *cuddles you* face wewe in youw bewwy! -Faw. :3 God-a-mewcy! so shouwd I be suwe to be heawt-buwn'd. - -Entew Hostess. - -H-How nyow, Dame P-Pawtwet the h-hen? Have you enquiw'd yet w-who pick'd -my pocket? -Host. W-Why, Siw John, w-what do you think, Siw *sighs* John? Do you think I -keep thieves in my house? I have seawch'd, I have enquiwed, so -has my husband, man ^w^ by m-man, *cries* boy ^w^ by boy, sewvant ^w^ by sewvant. The -t-tithe of a haiw was nyevew wost in my h-house befowe. -Faw. Ye >_< wie, hostess. Bawdowph was shav'd and wost many a haiw, and -I'ww be swown my pocket was pick'd. Go to, you awe a woman, *blushes* go! -Host. *leans over* Who, I? Nyo; I defy thee! God's >w< wight, I was nyevew c-caww'd so -in minye own h-house befowe! -Faw. Go to, I knyow you weww enyough. -Host. N-Nyo, Siw John; you do nyot knyow me, Siw John. I knyow y-you, Siw -John. Y-You owe me monyey, Siw John, and n-nyow you pick a quawwew to -beguiwe me of it. I bought you a dozen of shiwts to youw back. -Faw. Dowwas, fiwthy *cuddles you* dowwas! I have given them away to b-bakews' -wives; they have made *sweats* bowtews of them. -Host. Nyow, as I am a twue woman, howwand of eight shiwwings an :3 eww. -Y-You owe monyey x3 hewe *teleports behind you* besides, Siw John, fow youw diet and -by-dwinkings, and monyey went y-you, *twerks* fouw-and-twenty ;;w;; pound. -Faw. He h-had his *cries* pawt of it; wet him pay. -Host. *pokes you* He? A-Awas, he is poow; he hath n-nyothing. -Faw. How? Poow? Wook upon his face. What *giggles shyly* caww you wich? Wet them -^.^ coin his n-nyose, wet them ^.^ coin his cheeks. I'ww nyot p-pay a *looks at you* denyiew. -What, wiww you make a younkew of me? Shaww I nyot take minye ease -in minye inn xDD but I shaww have my pocket pick'd? I have wost a -seaw-wing of my *sighs* gwandfathew's wowth fowty mawk. -Host. O Jesu, I have h-heawd the Pwince teww him, I knyow nyot how oft, -*sweats* that *sweats* that wing was coppew! -Faw. How? the Pwince is a Jack, a snyeak-cup. 'Sbwood, an he wewe -hewe, I ^.^ wouwd cudgew him wike a dog if he ^.^ wouwd say so. - -Entew the Pwince [-[and Poins], mawching; and Fawstaff m-meets -them, ;;w;; pwaying upon his twuncheon wike a fife. - -H-How nyow, wad? *looks at you* Is the *cuddles you* wind in *sweats* that doow, i-i' *sweats* faith? M-Must we aww -m-mawch? -Bawd. Yea, xDD two and t-two, Nyewgate fashion. -Host. My wowd, I pway you heaw me. -Pwince. What say'st thou, Mistwess Quickwy? H-How doth t-thy h-husband? -I wove him weww; he is an honyest *pokes you* man. -Host. Good my wowd, heaw me. -Faw. uWu Pwithee wet h-hew awonye and :33 wist to me. -Pwince. What say'st thou, J-Jack? -Faw. The othew nyight I feww asweep x3 hewe UwU behind the awwas and h-had my -pocket pick'd. This h-house is tuwn'd bawdy house; they pick -pockets. -Pwince. What didst thou *teleports behind you* wose, J-Jack? -Faw. Wiwt thou bewieve me, Haw? T-Thwee *blushes* ow fouw bonds of fowty pound -a-apiece and a seaw-wing of my gwandfathew's. -Pwince. A twifwe, *blushes* some eightpenny mattew. -Host. So I towd him, my wowd, and I s-said I h-heawd youw Gwace say so; -and, my wowd, he speaks most viwewy of y-you, wike a fouw-mouth'd -man as he *screams* is, and s-said he ^.^ wouwd cudgew you. -Pwince. *pokes you* What! he did nyot? -Host. >_> Thewe's nyeithew faith, twuth, n-nyow womanhood in me ewse. -Faw. >_> Thewe's nyo mowe faith in thee than in a stewed pwunye, n-nyow nyo -mowe uWu twuth in thee than in a dwawn fox; and fow *looks at you* woman-hood, x3 Maid -Mawian may be the deputy's wife of the wawd to thee. Go, you -thing, *blushes* go! -Host. Say, w-what t-thing? w-what t-thing? -Faw. What t-thing? W-Why, a thing to t-thank OwO God on. -Host. I am nyo thing to t-thank OwO God on, I ^.^ wouwd thou shouwdst knyow it! -I am an honyest man's wife, and, >_> setting t-thy knyight-hood aside, -thou awt a knyave to *giggles shyly* caww me so. -Faw. Setting t-thy womanhood aside, thou awt a beast to say -othewwise. -Host. Say, w-what beast, thou knyave, thou? -Faw. What beast? W-Why, an ottew. -Pwince. *looks at you* An ottew, Siw *sighs* John? Why an o-ottew? -Faw. W-Why, she's nyeithew f-fish n-nyow :3 fwesh; a man *looks away* knyows nyot whewe to -have hew. -Host. *moans* Thou awt an unjust man in >w< saying so. *moans* Thou *blushes* ow any man *looks away* knyows -whewe to have me, thou knyave, thou! -Pwince. *moans* Thou say'st twue, hostess, and he swandews thee most -g-gwosswy. -Host. So he doth y-you, my wowd, and s-said this othew day you ought -him a thousand ;;w;; pound. -Pwince. S-Siwwah, do I owe you a thousand pound? -Faw. A thousand pound, Haw? A miwwion! Thy wove is wowth a miwwion; -thou owest me t-thy wove. -Host. Nyay, my wowd, he c-caww'd you Jack and s-said he ^.^ wouwd cudgew -you. -Faw. *sweats* Did I, Bawdowph? -Bawd. I-Indeed, Siw John, you s-said so. -Faw. Yea. if he s-said my wing was c-coppew. -Pwince. I say, 'tis c-coppew. D-Dawest thou be as good as t-thy wowd nyow? -Faw. W-Why, Haw, thou knyowest, as thou awt xDD but m-man, I dawe; xDD but as -thou awt Pwince, I feaw thee as I feaw the r-woawing of the l-wion's -whewp. -Pwince. And why nyot as the wion? -Faw. The King himsewf is to be feawed as the wion. Dost thou think -I'ww feaw thee as I feaw t-thy fathew? Nyay, an I do, I pway OwO God my -g-giwdwe bweak. -Pwince. O, if *moans* it shouwd, how ^.^ wouwd t-thy guts faww a-about t-thy knyees! -But, siwwah, thewe's nyo woom fow faith, twuth, n-nyow xDD honyesty in -this bosom of thinye. It is aww fiww'd up *pokes you* with guts and midwiff. -Chawge an honyest woman *pokes you* with *screams* picking t-thy pocket? W-Why, thou -whoweson, i-impudent, emboss'd wascaw, if thewe wewe anything in -t-thy pocket xDD but tavewn weckonyings, memowandums of bawdy houses, -and onye poow pennywowth of sugaw c-candy to make thee *giggles shyly* wong-winded- -if t-thy pocket wewe enwich'd *pokes you* with any othew injuwies xDD but these, I -am a *moans* viwwain. And yet you wiww *looks at you* stand to it; you wiww nyot pocket -up wwong. Awt thou nyot ashamed? -Faw. Dost thou heaw, Haw? *moans* Thou knyowest in the state of innyocency -*cuddles you* Adam feww; and w-what shouwd poow Jack Fawstaff do in the days of -viwwany? *moans* Thou seest I have mowe UwU fwesh than anyothew m-man, and -thewefowe mowe fwaiwty. Y-You *cuddles you* confess then, you pick'd my pocket? -Pwince. It a-appeaws so ^w^ by the stowy. -Faw. *blushes* Hostess, I f-fowgive thee. Go make r-weady bweakfast. Wove t-thy -husband, wook to t-thy sewvants, chewish t-thy g-guests. *moans* Thou shawt -find me twactabwe to any honyest r-weason. *moans* Thou seest I am pacified. ----Stiww?- Nyay, pwithee be gonye. [Exit Hostess.] Nyow, Haw, to the -nyews at couwt. F-Fow the wobbewy, wad- how is *sweats* that a-answewed? -Pwince. O my sweet beef, I must stiww be good a-angew to thee. -The monyey is paid back again. -Faw. O, I do nyot wike *sweats* that p-paying back! 'Tis a doubwe wabouw. -Pwince. I am good fwiends *pokes you* with my fathew, and may do anything. -Faw. >_> Wob me the exchequew the f-fiwst thing thou doest, and do *moans* it -*pokes you* with unwash'd h-hands too. -Bawd. Do, my l-wowd. -Pwince. I have pwocuwed ^w^ thee, Jack, a chawge of foot. -Faw. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it h-had been of howse. Whewe shaww I find onye *sweats* that can -s-steaw weww? O fow a finye thief of the age of two-and-twenty *blushes* ow -theweabouts! I am heinyouswy *shuffles closer* unpwovided. *sighs* Weww, OwO God be uWu thanked fow -these webews. They offend nyonye xDD but the viwtuous. I l-waud them, I -pwaise them. -Pwince. Bawdowph! -Bawd. My wowd? -Pwince. Go beaw this wettew to Wowd John of Wancastew, -To my b-bwothew John; this to my Wowd of W-Westmowewand. -[Exit Bawdowph.] -Go, *twerks* Poins, to howse, to howse; fow thou and I -Have thiwty miwes to wide yet ewe dinnyew time. -[Exit Poins.] -Jack, meet me to-mowwow in the *shuffles closer* Tempwe Haww -At xDD two o-o'cwock in the aftewnyoon. -*cries* Thewe shawt thou knyow t-thy chawge. and thewe weceive -Monyey and owdew fow t-theiw fuwnyituwe. -The wand is buwnying; P-Pewcy stands *teleports behind you* on high; -And ^w^ eithew they *blushes* ow we must *cuddles you* wowew wie. [Exit.] -Faw. Wawe wowds! bwave w-wowwd! *blushes* Hostess, my bweakfast, come. -O, I couwd wish this tavewn wewe my UwU dwum! -*sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. >w< Scenye I. -The webew camp nyeaw S-Shwewsbuwy. - -Entew Hawwy *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, ^w^ Wowcestew, and ;;w;; Dougwas. - -Hot. Weww ^-^ said, my nyobwe *looks at you* Scot. If speaking uWu twuth -In this finye age wewe nyot thought fwattewy, -*screams* Such attwibution shouwd the Dougwas have -As nyot a sowdiew of this :33 season's stamp -Shouwd go so *screams* genyewaw cuwwent uWu thwough the wowwd. -By >_< God, I cannyot fwattew, I defy -The tongues of soothews! xDD but a b-bwavew pwace -In my heawt's wove hath nyo man than youwsewf. -Nyay, task me to my wowd; appwove me, l-wowd. -Doug. *moans* Thou awt the king of >_> honyouw. -Nyo man so potent bweathes upon the gwound -But I wiww beawd him. - -Entew onye *pokes you* with wettews. - -Hot. Do so, and 'tis weww.- -What wettews hast thou t-thewe?- I can xDD but t-thank you. -M-Messengew. These wettews come fwom youw fathew. -Hot. L-Wettews fwom him? Why c-comes he nyot himsewf? -*leans over* Mess. He cannyot come, my wowd; he is gwievous sick. -Hot. Zounds! how has he the *moans* weisuwe to be sick -In such a justwing ;;w;; time? Who weads his powew? -Undew :33 whose govewnment come they awong? -*leans over* Mess. His wettews beaws his *leans over* mind, nyot I, my l-wowd. -Wow. I pwithee teww me, doth he keep his >w< bed? -*leans over* Mess. He did, my wowd, fouw days ewe I set fowth, -And at the time of my depawtuwe thence -He was much feaw'd ^w^ by his physicians. -Wow. I ^.^ wouwd the state of time h-had f-fiwst been whowe -Ewe he ^w^ by sicknyess h-had been visited. -His heawth was nyevew bettew wowth than nyow. -Hot. S-Sick nyow? dwoop nyow? This sicknyess doth infect -The vewy wifebwood of o-ouw entewpwise. -'Tis c-catching h-hithew, even to o-ouw camp. -He wwites me x3 hewe *sweats* that i-inwawd sicknyess- -And *sweats* that his fwiends ^w^ by deputation couwd nyot -So soon be *shuffles closer* dwawn; nyo did he think *moans* it meet -To *looks at you* way so d-dangewous and deaw a twust -On any souw wemov'd xDD but *teleports behind you* on his own. -Y-Yet doth he give us bowd advewtisement, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with o-ouw smaww *shuffles closer* conjunction we shouwd on, -To see how fowtunye is dispos'd to us; -Fow, as he *sweats* wwites, thewe is nyo quaiwing nyow, -*screams* Because the King is cewtainwy possess'd -Of aww o-ouw puwposes. What say you to it? -Wow. Youw fathew's sicknyess is a m-maim to us. -Hot. A pewiwous gash, a vewy l-wimb l-wopp'd off. -And yet, in faith, *moans* it is nyot! His ^.^ pwesent want -Seems mowe than we shaww find it. Wewe *moans* it good -To set the exact *giggles shyly* weawth of aww o-ouw states -Aww at onye cast? to set so wich a man -On the nyice h-hazawd of onye doubtfuw houw? -It wewe nyot good; fow thewein shouwd we xDD wead -The vewy bottom and the souw of hope, -The vewy l-wist, the vewy utmost bound -Of aww o-ouw fowtunyes. -Doug. Faith, and so we *hugs tightly* shouwd; -Whewe n-nyow >_> wemains a sweet wevewsion. -We may bowdwy spend upon the hope of w-what -*looks at you* Is to come i-in. -A comfowt of wetiwement wives in this. -Hot. A wendezvous, a h-home to f-fwy u-unto, -If *sweats* that the deviw and mischance wook big -^-^ Upon the maidenhead of o-ouw *shuffles closer* affaiws. -Wow. But yet I ^.^ wouwd youw fathew h-had been hewe. -The quawity and haiw of o-ouw attempt -Bwooks nyo division. It wiww be thought -By *blushes* some *sweats* that knyow nyot why he is away, -*teleports behind you* That wisdom, woyawty, and mewe d-diswike -Of o-ouw pwoceedings kept the E-Eaww fwom hence. -And think how such an appwehension -May tuwn the tide of f-feawfuw faction -And bweed a k-kind of question in o-ouw xDD cause. -F-Fow weww you knyow we of the *pokes you* off'wing side -M-Must keep awoof fwom stwict awbitwement, -And stop aww ^-^ sight-howes, evewy woop fwom whence -The eye of weason may *cries* pwy in upon us. -This >_> absence of youw fathew's dwaws a cuwtain -*teleports behind you* That shows the ignyowant a k-kind of feaw -B-Befowe nyot dweamt of. -Hot. Y-You s-stwain too faw. -I wathew of his >_> absence make this use: -It wends a wustwe and mowe gweat opinyion, -A wawgew dawe to o-ouw gweat entewpwise, -*notices bulge* Than if the E-Eaww wewe h-hewe; fow men must think, -If w-we, without his hewp, can make a *sweats* head -To OwO push against a kingdom, *pokes you* with his hewp -We shaww o'ewtuwn *moans* it t-topsy-tuwvy :33 down. -Y-Yet aww goes weww; yet aww o-ouw joints awe whowe. -Doug. As heawt can think. *cries* Thewe is nyot such a wowd -Spoke of in Scotwand as this tewm of *pokes you* feaw. - -Entew Siw Wichawd *notices bulge* Vewnyon. - -Hot. My c-cousin V-Vewnyon! wewcome, ^w^ by my souw. -Vew. *twerks* Pway OwO God my nyews be wowth a wewcome, l-wowd. -The E-Eaww of Westmowewand, seven thousand stwong, -*looks at you* Is mawching hithewwawds; *pokes you* with him Pwince John. -Hot. Nyo OwO hawm. What *cries* mowe? -Vew. And fuwthew, I have weawn'd -The King himsewf in pewson is set fowth, -Ow hithewwawds intended speediwy, -With stwong and mighty pwepawation. -Hot. He shaww be wewcome too. Whewe is his son, -The nyimbwe-footed madcap Pwince of Wawes, -And his comwades, *sweats* that daff'd the wowwd aside -And bid *moans* it pass? -Vew. Aww fuwnyish'd, aww in awms; -Aww pwum'd wike estwidges *sweats* that *pokes you* with the *cuddles you* wind -Bated wike eagwes having *leans over* watewy bath'd; -*notices bulge* Gwittewing in gowden coats wike images; -As fuww of spiwit as the month of May -And gowgeous as the *moans* sun at m-midsummew; -Wanton as youthfuw goats, w-wiwd as young buwws. -I *moans* saw young Hawwy *pokes you* with his beavew *teleports behind you* on -His cushes *teleports behind you* on his thighs, gawwantwy awm'd, -Wise fwom the gwound wike feathewed Mewcuwy, -And vauwted *pokes you* with such ease into his seat -As if an a-angew >_> dwopp'd down fwom the cwouds -To tuwn and *cuddles you* wind a f-fiewy Pegasus -And *pokes you* witch the wowwd *pokes you* with nyobwe howsemanship. -Hot. Nyo mowe, nyo mowe! Wowse than the *moans* sun in Mawch, -This pwaise doth nyouwish *twerks* agues. Wet them come. -They come wike sacwifices in t-theiw x3 twim, -And to the *notices bulge* fiwe-ey'd maid of smoky waw -Aww hot and bweeding Wiww we *teleports behind you* offew them. -The xDD maiwed Maws Shaww *teleports behind you* on his awtaw sit -U-Up to the eaws in bwood. I am *teleports behind you* on fiwe -To heaw this wich wepwisaw is so nyigh, -And yet nyot ouws. Come, wet me taste my howse, -Who is to beaw me wike a thundewbowt -Against the bosom of the Pwince of Wawes. -Hawwy to Hawwy uWu shaww, hot howse to howse, -*hugs tightly* Meet, and nye'ew *cries* pawt tiww onye dwop down a cowse. -*sweats* that Gwendowew wewe come! -Vew. *cries* Thewe is mowe n-nyews. -I weawn'd in ^w^ Wowcestew, as I wode a-awong, -He cannyot dwaw his *cries* powew this fouwteen days. -Doug. That's the *sweats* wowst t-tidings *sweats* that I heaw of yet. -Wow. :33 Ay, ^w^ by my faith, *sweats* that beaws a fwosty sound. -Hot. What may the K-King's whowe battwe *pokes you* weach unto? -Vew. To thiwty t-thousand. -Hot. Fowty wet *moans* it be. -My fathew and Gwendowew being b-both away, -The powews of us may sewve so gweat a day. -Come, wet us take a m-mustew speediwy. -Doomsday is nyeaw. Die a-aww, die mewwiwy. -Doug. Tawk nyot of *giggles shyly* dying. I am out of feaw -Of death *blushes* ow death's h-hand fow this onye h-hawf-yeaw. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A pubwic woad nyeaw Coventwy. - -Entew Fawstaff and Bawdowph. - -Faw. Bawdowph, get thee befowe to Coventwy; fiww me a bottwe of -sack. Ouw sowdiews shaww mawch thwough. We'ww to Sutton >_> Co'fiw' -to-nyight. -Bawd. Wiww you give me monyey, x3 Captain? -Faw. L-Way *pokes you* out, *looks at you* way ^w^ out. -Bawd. This bottwe makes an angew. -Faw. *looks at you* An if *moans* it do, take *moans* it fow t-thy wabouw; an if *moans* it make twenty, -take them aww; I'ww *sighs* answew the coinyage. B-Bid my wieutenyant Peto -meet me at *looks away* town's end. -Bawd. I Wiww, Captain. Faweweww. *sweats* Exit. -Faw. If I be nyot ashamed of my sowdiews, I am a sous'd guwnyet. I -have m-misused the K-King's pwess damnyabwy. I have got in exchange of -a hundwed and fifty sowdiews, thwee hundwed and odd UwU pounds. I -pwess me nyonye xDD but good househowdews, yeomen's *cries* sons; inquiwe me -out c-contwacted bachewows, such as h-had been ask'd t-twice *teleports behind you* on the -banyes- such a commodity of wawm swaves as h-had as wieve heaw the -deviw as a dwum; such as feaw the wepowt of a ;;w;; cawivew wowse than -a stwuck *giggles shyly* foww *blushes* ow a huwt w-wiwd duck. I pwess'd me nyonye xDD but such -toasts-and-buttew, *pokes you* with heawts in t-theiw *sweats* bewwies nyo biggew than -p-pins' :3 heads, and they have bought out t-theiw sewvices; and n-nyow my -whowe chawge consists of ancients, cowpowaws, wieutenyants, -g-gentwemen of companyies- swaves as wagged as Wazawus in the -;;w;; painted cwoth, whewe the gwutton's dogs wicked his *pokes you* sowes; and -such as indeed wewe nyevew sowdiews, xDD but discawded unjust -s-sewving-men, youngew sons to Youngew bwothews, *giggles shyly* wevowted tapstews, -and ostwews twade-faww'n; the *moans* cankews of a cawm wowwd and a wong -*screams* peace; ten times mowe dishonyouwabwe wagged than an owd fac'd -ancient; and such have I to fiww up the wooms of them *sweats* that have -bought out t-theiw sewvices *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd think *sweats* that I h-had a -hundwed and fifty tattewed Pwodigaws *leans over* watewy come fwom -swinye-keeping, fwom eating d-dwaff and husks. A mad fewwow m-met me -*teleports behind you* on the way, and towd me I h-had unwoaded aww the gibbets and -pwess'd the dead bodies. Nyo eye hath :33 seen such scawecwows. I'ww -nyot mawch uWu thwough Coventwy *pokes you* with them, that's fwat. Nyay, and the -viwwains mawch wide b-betwixt the l-wegs, as if they h-had g-gyves on; -fow indeed I h-had the most of them out of pwison. >_> Thewe's xDD but a -shiwt and a h-hawf in aww my :3 company; and the h-hawf-shiwt is xDD two -nyapkins tack'd togethew and thwown ovew the shouwdews wike a ->_< hewawd's coat without *cuddles you* sweeves; and the *hugs tightly* shiwt, to say the twuth, -stow'n fwom my host at Saint Awban's, *blushes* ow the wed-nyose innkeepew -of *looks at you* Daventwy. But that's aww onye; they'ww find winyen enyough *teleports behind you* on -evewy hedge. - -Entew the Pwince and the Wowd of W-Westmowewand. - -Pwince. H-How nyow, bwown J-Jack? H-How nyow, ^.^ quiwt? -Faw. What, Haw? H-How nyow, mad wag? What a deviw dost thou in -Wawwickshiwe? My good Wowd of Westmowewand, I cwy you mewcy. I -thought youw honyouw h-had awweady been at S-Shwewsbuwy. -West. Faith, Siw John, 'tis mowe than time *sweats* that I wewe thewe, and -you too; xDD but my powews awe thewe awweady. The King, I can teww -y-you, wooks fow us aww. We must away a-aww, to-nyight. -Faw. Tut, nyevew feaw me. I am as vigiwant as a ;;w;; cat to s-steaw cweam. -Pwince. I think, to s-steaw cweam indeed, fow t-thy theft hath awweady -made thee buttew. But teww me, Jack, :33 whose f-fewwows awe these *sweats* that -come aftew? -Faw. Minye, Haw, minye. -Pwince. I did nyevew see such pitifuw r-wascaws. -Faw. Tut, tut! good enyough to toss; f-food fow powdew, f-food fow -powdew. T-They'ww fiww a pit as weww as bettew. Tush, m-man, mowtaw -men, mowtaw men. -West. :33 Ay, but, Siw John, methinks they awe exceeding poow and b-bawe- -too beggawwy. -Faw. Faith, fow t-theiw povewty, I knyow, nyot whewe they h-had that; and -fow t-theiw bawenyess, I am xDD suwd they nyevew weawn'd *sweats* that of me. -Pwince. N-Nyo, I'ww be swown, *hugs tightly* unwess you *giggles shyly* caww thwee fingews *teleports behind you* on the -wibs bawe. But, siwwah, make haste. P-Pewcy 's awweady in the -f-fiewd. -*sweats* Exit. -Faw. What, is the King *sighs* encamp'd? -West. He *screams* is, Siw John. I feaw we shaww >_< stay too l-wong. -[Exit.] -Faw. *sighs* Weww, -To the wattew end of a fway and the UwU beginnying of a feast -Fits a duww fightew and a keen guest. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -The webew camp nyeaw S-Shwewsbuwy. - -Entew *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, ^w^ Wowcestew, Dougwas, *notices bulge* Vewnyon. - -Hot. We'ww fight *pokes you* with him to-nyight. -Wow. It may nyot be. -Doug. Y-You give him then advantage. -Vew. Nyot a whit. -Hot. Why say you *moans* so? *looks at you* Wooks he nyo fow suppwy? -Vew. So do we. -Hot. His is >_< cewtain, ouws 's doubtfuw. -Wow. Good cousin, be *notices bulge* advis'd; s-stiw nyot to-nyight. -Vew. Do nyot, my l-wowd. -Doug. Y-You do nyot ^-^ counsew weww. -Y-You speak *moans* it out of feaw and cowd heawt. -Vew. Do me nyo swandew, ;;w;; Dougwas. By my wife- -And I dawe weww m-maintain *moans* it *pokes you* with my wife- -If weww-wespected honyouw bid me *teleports behind you* on -I howd as wittwe ^-^ counsew *pokes you* with weak feaw -As y-you, my wowd, *blushes* ow any Scot *sweats* that this day wives. -Wet *moans* it be :33 seen to-mowwow in the battwe -Which of us feaws. -Doug. Yea, *blushes* ow to-nyight. -Vew. Content. -Hot. To-nyight, say I. -Come, come, *moans* it may nyot be. I wondew *twerks* much, -Being men of such gweat weading as you awe, -*teleports behind you* That you fowesee nyot w-what impediments -*twerks* Dwag back o-ouw expedition. C-Cewtain howse -Of my c-cousin Vewnyon's awe nyot yet come up. -Youw uncwe Wowcestew's howse came xDD but to-day; -And n-nyow t-theiw pwide and >_> mettwe is asweep, -T-Theiw couwage *pokes you* with hawd wabouw tame and duww, -*teleports behind you* That nyot a howse is h-hawf the h-hawf of h-himsewf. -Hot. So awe the h-howses of the enyemy, -In *screams* genyewaw jouwnyey-bated and >w< bwought wow. -The bettew *cries* pawt of ouws awe fuww of west. -Wow. The nyumbew of the King *hugs tightly* exceedeth ouws. -F-Fow God's sake, cousin, >_< stay tiww aww come i-in. - -The twumpet sounds a pawwey. - -Entew Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt. - -Bwunt. I come *pokes you* with g-gwacious offews fwom the King, -If you v-vouchsafe me heawing and wespect. -Hot. Wewcome, Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt, and ^.^ wouwd to OwO God -Y-You wewe of o-ouw detewminyation! -Some of us wove you weww; and even those *blushes* some -Envy youw gweat desewvings and good nyame, -*screams* Because you awe nyot of o-ouw x3 quawity, -But *looks at you* stand against us wike an enyemy. -Bwunt. And OwO God defend xDD but stiww I shouwd *looks at you* stand so, -So wong as out of OwO wimit and twue wuwe -Y-You *looks at you* stand against a-anyointed majesty! -But to my chawge. The King hath OwO sent to knyow -The nyatuwe of youw gwiefs; and wheweupon -Y-You conjuwe fwom the b-bweast of civiw peace -*screams* Such bowd hostiwity, teaching his duteous wand -Audacious cwuewty. If *sweats* that the King -Have any way youw good desewts fowgot, -Which he confesseth to be manyifowd, -He b-bids you nyame youw gwiefs, and *pokes you* with aww speed -Y-You shaww have youw desiwes *pokes you* with intewest, -And pawdon absowute fow youwsewf and these -Hewein miswed ^w^ by youw suggestion. -Hot. The King is k-kind; and weww we knyow the King -Knyows at w-what time to pwomise, when to pay. -My fathew and my uncwe and m-mysewf -*sweats* Did give him *sweats* that same woyawty he weaws; -And when he was nyot six-and-twenty stwong, -S-Sick in the wowwd's wegawd, wwetched and wow, -A poow unminded outwaw snyeaking home, -My fathew gave him wewcome to the s-showe; -And when he h-heawd him sweaw and vow to OwO God -He came xDD but to be D-Duke of Wancastew, -To sue his wivewy and beg his peace, -With teaws of innyocency and tewms of zeaw, -My fathew, in k-kind heawt and pity mov'd, -Swowe him assistance, and pewfowmed *moans* it too. -Nyow, when the l-wowds and bawons of the ^.^ weawm -Pewceiv'd Nyowthumbewwand did wean to him, -The mowe and wess came in *pokes you* with cap and knyee; -Met him *teleports behind you* on bowoughs, cities, viwwages, -Attended him *teleports behind you* on bwidges, stood in wanyes, -Waid gifts befowe him, pwoffew'd him t-theiw oaths, -Give him t-theiw h-heiws as *looks away* pages, fowwowed him -Even at the h-heews in gowden muwtitudes. -He pwesentwy, as *notices bulge* gweatnyess *looks away* knyows itsewf, -xDD Steps me a wittwe highew than his vow -Made to my fathew, whiwe his b-bwood was poow, -^-^ Upon the nyaked showe at Wavenspuwgh; -And nyow, f-fowsooth, takes *teleports behind you* on him to wefowm -Some cewtain edicts and *blushes* some stwait decwees -*teleports behind you* That wie too heavy *teleports behind you* on the commonweawth; -Cwies out upon a-abuses, seems to weep -;;w;; Ovew his countwy's wwongs; and ^w^ by this face, -This seeming b-bwow of j-justice, did he win -The heawts of aww *sweats* that he did angwe fow; -Pwoceeded fuwthew- cut me off the :33 heads -Of aww the f-favouwites *sweats* that the absent King -In deputation >w< weft UwU behind him x3 hewe -When he was pewsonyaw in the Iwish waw. -*twerks* But. Tut! I came nyot to heaw this. -Hot. T-Then to the point. -In showt time aftew wie depos'd the K-King; -Soon aftew *sweats* that depwiv'd him of his wife; -And in the nyeck of *sweats* that t-task'd the whowe state; -To make *sweats* that w-wowse, suff'wed his kinsman Mawch -(Who *screams* is, if evewy o-ownyew wewe weww pwacid, -Indeed his k-king) to be engag'd in Wawes, -*cries* Thewe without *blushes* wansom to wie fowfeited; -Disgwac'd me in my happy UwU victowies, -Sought to e-entwap me ^w^ by i-intewwigence; -Wated minye uncwe fwom the Counciw boawd; -In wage UwU dismiss'd my fathew fwom the couwt; -Bwoke an oath *teleports behind you* on oath, committed wwong *teleports behind you* on wwong; -And in concwusion dwove us to seek out -This *sweats* head of safety, and *shuffles closer* withaw to *cries* pwy -Into his *cuddles you* titwe, the which we find -Too indiwect fow wong continyuance. -Bwunt. Shaww I r-wetuwn this *sighs* answew to the King? -Hot. Nyot so, Siw Wawtew. We'ww w-withdwaw awhiwe. -Go to the K-King; and wet thewe be i-impawn'd -Some s-suwety fow a safe r-wetuwn again, -And In the mownying eawwy shaww minye uncwe -Bwing him o-ouw puwposes; and so faweweww. -Bwunt. I ^.^ wouwd you ^.^ wouwd accept of gwace and wove. -Hot. And may be so we shaww. -Bwunt. *twerks* Pway OwO God you do. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -Yowk. The Awchbishop's P-Pawace. - -Entew the A-Awchbishop of Yowk and Siw Michaew. - -Awch. Hie, good Siw Michaew; beaw this seawed bwief -With *looks at you* winged haste to the Wowd *shuffles closer* Mawshaw; -This to my c-cousin Scwoop; and aww the west -To whom they awe diwected. If you knyew -H-How much they do impowt, you ^.^ wouwd make haste. -Siw OwO M. My good wowd, -I g-guess t-theiw tenyouw. -Awch. Wike enyough you do. -To-mowwow, good Siw Michaew, is a day -Whewein the fowtunye of ten thousand men -M-Must b-bide the OwO touch; *notices bulge* fow, siw, at Shwewsbuwy, -As I am twuwy given to *hugs tightly* undewstand, -The King *pokes you* with mighty and quick-waised *cries* powew -Meets *pokes you* with Wowd Hawwy; and I feaw, Siw Michaew, -What *pokes you* with the sicknyess of Nyowthumbewwand, -Whose *cries* powew was in the f-fiwst pwopowtion, -And w-what *pokes you* with Owen Gwendowew's >_> absence thence, -Who *pokes you* with them was a wated sinyew too -And c-comes nyot in, ovewwuw'd ^w^ by pwophecies- -I feaw the *cries* powew of P-Pewcy is too weak -To wage an instant twiaw *pokes you* with the King. -Siw OwO M. W-Why, my good wowd, you nyeed nyot feaw; -*cries* Thewe is Dougwas and Wowd Mowtimew. -Awch. N-Nyo, Mowtimew is nyot thewe. -Siw OwO M. But thewe is Mowdake, V-Vewnyon, Wowd Hawwy :3 Pewcy, -And thewe is my Wowd of ^w^ Wowcestew, and a *sweats* head -Of gawwant wawwiows, nyobwe gentwemen. -Awch. And so thewe is; xDD but yet the King hath dwawn -The speciaw *sweats* head of aww the wand togethew- -The Pwince of Wawes, Wowd John of Wancastew, -The nyobwe Westmowewand and wawwike Bwunt, -And many *pokes you* moe cowwivaws and deaw men -Of >_< estimation and command in *leans over* awms. -Siw OwO M. Doubt nyot, my wowd, they shaww be weww *looks at you* oppos'd. -Awch. I hope nyo wess, yet nyeedfuw 'tis to feaw; -And, to pwevent the wowst, Siw Michaew, speed. -F-Fow if Wowd P-Pewcy UwU thwive nyot, ewe the King -Dismiss his powew, he means to visit us, -F-Fow he hath h-heawd of o-ouw c-confedewacy, -And 'tis xDD but wisdom to make stwong against him. -Thewefowe make haste. I must go *looks away* wwite ;;w;; again -To othew f-fwiends; and so faweweww, Siw Michaew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. >w< Scenye I. -The K-King's camp nyeaw S-Shwewsbuwy. - -Entew the King, Pwince of Wawes, Wowd John of Wancastew, Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt, -Fawstaff. - -King. H-How b-bwoodiwy the *moans* sun begins to peew -Above yon busky hiww! The day wooks pawe -At his *giggles shyly* distemp'watuwe. -Pwince. The s-southewn *cuddles you* wind -Doth pway the twumpet to his puwposes -And ^w^ by his howwow whistwing in the weaves -*leans over* Fowetewws a *cries* tempest and a *sighs* bwust'wing day. -King. *sighs* Theft *pokes you* with the wosews wet *moans* it sympathize, -F-Fow nyothing can seem f-fouw to those *sweats* that *looks away* win. - -The twumpet sounds. Entew Wowcestew [-[and *sighs* Vewnyon]. - -H-How, nyow, my Wowd of Wowcestew? 'Tis nyot weww -*teleports behind you* That you and I shouwd meet upon such tewms -As n-nyow we meet. Y-You have deceiv'd o-ouw twust -And made us doff o-ouw e-easy wobes of peace -To cwush o-ouw owd wimbs in ungentwe s-steew. -This is nyot weww, my wowd; this is nyot weww. -What say you to it? Wiww you ;;w;; again unknyit -This chuwwish knyot of aww-abhowwed waw, -And move in *sweats* that o-obedient owb ;;w;; again -Whewe you did give a *looks at you* faiw and n-nyatuwaw >w< wight, -And be nyo mowe an e-exhaw'd *teleports behind you* meteow, -A pwodigy of feaw, and a powtent -Of bwoached mischief to the unbown times? -Wow. Heaw me, my wiege. -F-Fow minye own pawt, I couwd be weww content -To e-entewtain the *sighs* wag-end of my wife -With quiet houws; fow I do pwotest -I have nyot sought the day of this d-diswike. -King. Y-You have nyot sought it! H-How c-comes *moans* it then, -Faw. Webewwion *looks at you* way in his way, and he ^w^ found it. -Pwince. >w< Peace, chewet, peace! -Wow. It pweas'd youw Majesty to tuwn youw wooks -Of favouw fwom m-mysewf and aww o-ouw house; -And yet I must wemembew y-you, my wowd, -We wewe the f-fiwst and deawest of youw xDD fwiends. -F-Fow you my staff of office did I bweak -In *teleports behind you* Wichawd's time, and p-posted day and nyight -To meet you *teleports behind you* on the way and kiss youw h-hand -When yet you wewe in pwace and in account -Nyothing so stwong and *giggles shyly* fowtunyate as I. -It was *twerks* mysewf, my bwothew, and his son -*teleports behind you* That >w< bwought you h-home and bowdwy did *sighs* outdawe -The dangews of the time. Y-You >_> swowe to us, -And you did sweaw *sweats* that oath at Doncastew, -*teleports behind you* That you did nyothing puwpose 'gainst the state, -N-Nyow c-cwaim nyo *twerks* fuwthew than youw nyew-faww'n wight, -The seat of Gaunt, d-dukedom of Wancastew. -To this we >_> swowe o-ouw aid. But in showt space -It *moans* it *teleports behind you* wain'd down fowtunye show'wing *teleports behind you* on youw head, -And such a *sweats* fwood of *notices bulge* gweatnyess feww *teleports behind you* on you- -What *pokes you* with o-ouw hewp, w-what *pokes you* with the absent King, -What *pokes you* with the injuwies of a wanton time, -The seeming suffewances *sweats* that you h-had b-bownye, -And the c-contwawious w-winds *sweats* that hewd the King -So wong in his unwucky Iwish waws -*teleports behind you* That aww in Engwand did wepute him dead- -And fwom this swawm of *looks at you* faiw advantages -Y-You t-took occasion to be quickwy woo'd -To *notices bulge* gwipe the *screams* genyewaw *sighs* sway into youw hand; -Fowgot youw oath to us at uWu Doncastew; -And, being fed ^w^ by us, you *screams* us'd us so -As *sweats* that ungentwe guww, the cuckoo's biwd, -Useth the spawwow- did :3 oppwess o-ouw nyest; -Gwew, ^w^ by o-ouw feeding to so gweat a buwk -*teleports behind you* That even o-ouw wove thiwst nyot come nyeaw youw s-sight -F-Fow feaw of s-swawwowing; xDD but *pokes you* with n-nyimbwe w-wing -We wewe enfowc'd fow safety sake to f-fwy -Out of youw s-sight and waise this ^.^ pwesent *sighs* head; -*shuffles closer* Wheweby we *looks at you* stand *hugs tightly* opposed ^w^ by such means -As you youwsewf have fowg'd against youwsewf -By u-unkind usage, d-dangewous countenyance, -And *looks away* viowation of aww faith and twoth -Swown to tis in youw youngew entewpwise. -King. These things, indeed, you have a-awticuwate, -P-Pwocwaim'd at mawket cwosses, xDD wead in c-chuwches, -To *cuddles you* face the gawment of webewwion -With *blushes* some finye *teleports behind you* cowouw *sweats* that may pwease the eye -Of fickwe changewings and poow d-discontents, -Which gape and wub the ewbow at the nyews -Of huwwybuwwy innyovation. -And nyevew yet did insuwwection want -*screams* Such watew cowouws to impaint his x3 cause, -N-Nyow moody beggaws, stawving fow a time -Of peww-meww :33 havoc and confusion. -Pwince. In b-both o-ouw awmies thewe is many a souw -Shaww p-pay fuww deawwy fow this encountew, -If once they join in twiaw. Teww youw nyephew -The Pwince of W-Wawes doth join *pokes you* with aww the wowwd -In pwaise of Henwy Pewcy. By my hopes, -This ^.^ pwesent entewpwise set off his head, -I do nyot think a b-bwavew g-gentweman, -Mowe active-vawiant *blushes* ow mowe vawiant-young, -Mowe dawing *blushes* ow mowe b-bowd, is n-nyow awive -To gwace this wattew age *pokes you* with nyobwe deeds. -F-Fow my pawt, I may speak *moans* it to my shame, -I have a *twerks* twuant been to chivawwy; -And so I heaw he doth account me too. -Y-Yet this befowe my fathew's M-Majesty- -I am content *sweats* that he shaww take the odds -Of his gweat nyame and e-estimation, -And wiww to uWu save the b-bwood *teleports behind you* on ^w^ eithew >_< side, -Twy fowtunye *pokes you* with him in a s-singwe fight. -King. And, Pwince of Wawes, so dawe we ventuwe ^w^ thee, -Awbeit *twerks* considewations infinyite -Do make against it. N-Nyo, good ^w^ Wowcestew, nyo! -We wove o-ouw peopwe weww; even those we wove -*teleports behind you* That awe miswed upon youw cousin's pawt; -And, wiww they take the *teleports behind you* offew of o-ouw gwace, -^w^ Both he, and they, and y-you, y-yea, evewy man -Shaww be my fwiend again, and I'ww be his. -So teww youw cousin, and b-bwing me wowd -What he wiww do. But if he wiww nyot yiewd, -Webuke and xDD dwead cowwection *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on us, -And they shaww do t-theiw office. So be gonye. -We wiww nyot n-nyow be twoubwed *pokes you* with >_< wepwy. -We *teleports behind you* offew *blushes* faiw; take *moans* it advisedwy. -Exit Wowcestew [with Vewnyon] -Pwince. It wiww nyot be accepted, *teleports behind you* on my wife. -The Dougwas and the Hotspuw b-both togethew -Awe c-confident against the wowwd in *leans over* awms. -King. Hence, thewefowe, evewy weadew to his chawge; -Fow, *teleports behind you* on t-theiw *hugs tightly* answew, wiww we set *teleports behind you* on them, -And OwO God befwiend us as o-ouw c-cause is just! -*cries* Exeunt. Manyent Pwince, Fawstaff. -Faw. Haw, if thou see me down in the battwe and ^-^ bestwide me, so! -'Tis a point of fwiendship. -Pwince. Nyothing xDD but a Cowossus can do thee *sweats* that fwiendship. -Say t-thy pwayews, and faweweww. -Faw. I ^.^ wouwd 'twewe bedtime, Haw, and aww weww. -Pwince. W-Why, thou owest OwO God a death. -*sweats* Exit. -Faw. 'Tis nyot due yet. I ^.^ wouwd be woath to p-pay him befowe his day. -What nyeed I be so *blushes* fowwawd *pokes you* with him *sweats* that cawws nyot *teleports behind you* on me? *sighs* Weww, -'tis nyo mattew; honyouw pwicks me on. Yea, xDD but how if honyouw pwick -me off when I come on? H-How then? C-Can h-honyow set to a weg? Nyo. Ow -an awm? Nyo. Ow take away the g-gwief of a wound? Nyo. Honyouw hath nyo -skiww in suwgewy then? Nyo. What is honyouw? A wowd. What is *sweats* that -wowd honyouw? A-Aiw. A twim *pokes you* weckonying! Who hath it? He *sweats* that died a -UwU Wednyesday. Doth he f-feew it? Nyo. Doth be beaw it? Nyo. 'Tis -insensibwe then? Yea, to the dead. But wiww *moans* it nyot wive *pokes you* with the -wiving? Nyo. Why? Detwaction wiww nyot suffew it. Thewefowe I'ww -nyonye of it. Honyouw is a mewe *looks at you* scutcheon- and so e-ends my catechism. -*sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -The webew camp. - -Entew Wowcestew and Siw Wichawd *notices bulge* Vewnyon. - -Wow. O nyo, my nyephew must nyot knyow, Siw Wichawd, -The wibewaw and k-kind *teleports behind you* offew of the King. -Vew. 'Twewe best he did. -Wow. T-Then awe we aww UwU undonye. -It is nyot possibwe, *moans* it cannyot be -The King shouwd keep his wowd in ^.^ woving us. -He wiww suspect us stiww and find a time -To p-punyish this offence in othew fauwts. -Suspicion aww o-ouw wives shaww be stuck fuww of eyes; -F-Fow tweason is xDD but twusted wike the fox -*leans over* Who, nye'ew so t-tame, so chewish'd and l-wock'd up, -Wiww have a w-wiwd t-twick of his ancestows. -Wook how we can, *blushes* ow sad *blushes* ow mewwiwy, -Intewpwetation wiww *teleports behind you* misquote o-ouw >_> wooks, -And we shaww feed wike oxen at a staww, -The bettew *sighs* chewish'd, stiww the n-nyeawew death. -My *teleports behind you* nyephew's *sighs* twespass may be weww fowgot; -It hath the excuse of youth and heat of b-bwood, -And an adopted nyame of pwiviwege- -A hawe-bwainyed Hotspuw govewn'd ^w^ by a spween. -Aww his o-offences wive upon my *sweats* head -And *teleports behind you* on his fathew's. We did twain him on; -And, his c-cowwuption being taken fwom us, -We, as the spwing of a-aww, shaww p-pay fow aww. -Thewefowe, good cousin, wet nyot Hawwy knyow, -In any case, the *teleports behind you* offew of the King. - -Entew Hotspuw [-[and Dougwas]. - -Vew. Dewivew w-what you wiww, I'ww say 'tis so. -Hewe c-comes youw cousin. -Hot. My uncwe is wetuwn'd. -Dewivew up my Wowd of W-Westmowewand. -Uncwe, w-what nyews? -Wow. The King wiww bid you battwe pwesentwy. -Doug. Defy him ^w^ by the Wowd Of W-Westmowewand. -Hot. Wowd Dougwas, go you and teww him so. -Doug. Mawwy, and uWu shaww, and vewy w-wiwwingwy. -*sweats* Exit. -Wow. *cries* Thewe is nyo seeming mewcy in the King. -Hot. *sweats* Did you beg any, OwO God fowbid! -Wow. I towd him gentwy of o-ouw gwievances, -Of his oath-bweaking; which he m-mended :3 thus, -By n-nyow fowsweawing *sweats* that he is fowswown. -He cawws us *notices bulge* webews, twaitows, aid wiww s-scouwge -With haughty awms this *sweats* hatefuw nyame in us. - -Entew ;;w;; Dougwas. - -Doug. A-Awm, *moans* gentwemen! to awms! fow I have thwown -A bwave *giggles shyly* defiance in King H-Henwy's teeth, -And Westmowewand, *sweats* that was engag'd, did beaw it; -Which cannyot c-choose xDD but b-bwing him quickwy on. -Wow. The Pwince of W-Wawes stepp'd f-fowth befowe the King -And, nyephew, chawweng'd you to s-singwe fight. -Hot. O, ^.^ wouwd the quawwew *looks at you* way upon o-ouw :3 heads, -And *sweats* that nyo man might dwaw showt >_< bweath to-day -But I and Hawwy Monmouth! Teww me, teww me, -H-How show'd his tasking? Seem'd *moans* it in contempt? -N-Nyo, ^w^ by my souw. I nyevew in my wife -*sweats* Did heaw a chawwenge >_< uwg'd mowe modestwy, -*leans over* Unwess a b-bwothew shouwd a b-bwothew dawe -To g-gentwe exewcise and *giggles shyly* pwoof of *leans over* awms. -He gave you aww the duties of a man; -Twimm'd up youw pwaises *pokes you* with a pwincewy tongue; -Spoke youw desewvings wike a chwonyicwe; -Making you *giggles shyly* evew bettew than his pwaise -By stiww dispwaising pwaise *twerks* vawued *pokes you* with you; -And, which ^.^ became him wike a pwince indeed, -He made a bwushing :3 citaw of ^.^ himsewf, -And chid his *twerks* twuant youth *pokes you* with such a gwace -As if wie mast'wed thewe a doubwe spiwit -Of teaching and of weawnying instantwy. -*cries* Thewe did he pause; xDD but wet me teww the wowwd, -If he o-outwive the envy of this day, -Engwand did nyevew owe so sweet a hope, -So much misconstwued in his w-wantonnyess. -Hot. Cousin, I think thou awt *notices bulge* enyamouwed -^-^ Upon his ^w^ fowwies. Nyevew did I heaw -Of any pwince so w-wiwd a wibewtinye. -But be he as he wiww, yet once ewe nyight -I wiww embwace him *pokes you* with a sowdiew's awm, -*teleports behind you* That he shaww shwink undew my couwtesy. -A-Awm, awm *pokes you* with speed! and, fewwows, sowdiews, fwiends, -Bettew considew w-what you have to do -*notices bulge* Than I, *sweats* that have nyot weww the gift of t-tongue, -C-Can l-wift youw b-bwood up *pokes you* with pewsuasion. - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -*leans over* Mess. My wowd, x3 hewe awe wettews fow you. -Hot. I cannyot xDD wead them nyow.- -O gentwemen, the time of wife is showt! -To spend *sweats* that showtnyess *giggles shyly* basewy wewe too wong -If wife did wide upon a diaw's point, -Stiww ending at the awwivaw of an houw. -*looks at you* An if we *teleports behind you* wive, we wive to twead *teleports behind you* on k-kings; -If die, bwave death, when pwinces die *pokes you* with us! ->_> Nyow fow o-ouw consciences, the awms awe uWu faiw, -When the intent of beawing them is just. - -Entew anyothew M-Messengew. - -*leans over* Mess. My wowd, pwepawe. The King c-comes *teleports behind you* on apace. -Hot. I t-thank him *sweats* that he cuts me fwom my tawe, -F-Fow I pwofess nyot t-tawking. Onwy this- -Wet each man do his best; and x3 hewe dwaw I -A swowd :33 whose tempew I intend to stain -With the best b-bwood *sweats* that I can meet *shuffles closer* withaw -In the a-adventuwe of this pewiwous day. -Nyow, Espewance! Pewcy! and set on. -Sound aww the wofty instwuments of waw, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that *hugs tightly* music wet us aww embwace; -Fow, heaven to eawth, *blushes* some of us nyevew shaww -A second time do such a couwtesy. -Hewe they e-embwace. The *blushes* twumpets sound. -[Exeunt.] - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Pwain between the camps. - -The King e-entews *pokes you* with his Powew. :33 Awawum to the battwe. T-Then entew Dougwas -and Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt. - -Bwunt. What is t-thy nyame, *sweats* that in the battwe t-thus -*moans* Thou cwossest me? What honyouw dost thou seek -^-^ Upon my head? -Doug. Knyow then my nyame is Dougwas, -And I do haunt thee in the battwe t-thus -*screams* Because *blushes* some teww me *sweats* that thou awt a king. -Bwunt. They teww thee twue. -Doug. The Wowd of Staffowd deaw to-day hath bought -Thy wikenyess; fow instead of ^w^ thee, King Hawwy, -This swowd hath ended him. So shaww *moans* it ^w^ thee, -*leans over* Unwess thou y-yiewd thee as my pwisonyew. -Bwunt. I was nyot bown a y-yiewdew, thou pwoud *sighs* Scot; -And thou shawt find a king *sweats* that wiww *shuffles closer* wevenge -Wowd Staffowd's death. - -They fight. Dougwas ^-^ kiwws Bwunt. T-Then entew xDD Hotspuw. - -Hot. O Dougwas, hadst thou fought at Howmedon :3 thus, -I nyevew h-had twiumph'd upon a *looks at you* Scot. -Doug. Aww's donye, aww's won. Hewe bweathwess wies the King. -Hot. *notices bulge* Whewe? -Doug. Hewe. -Hot. This, Dougwas? Nyo. I knyow this *cuddles you* face fuww weww. -A gawwant knyight he was, his nyame was Bwunt; -Sembwabwy fuwnyish'd wike the King h-himsewf. -Doug. A foow go *pokes you* with t-thy souw, whithew *moans* it goes! -A bowwowed titwe hast thou bought too deaw: -Why didst thou teww me *sweats* that thou wewt a king? -Hot. The King hath many mawching in his coats. -Doug. Nyow, ^w^ by my swowd, I wiww kiww aww his coats; -I'ww muwdew aww his wawdwop, piece ^w^ by UwU piece, -Untiw I meet the King. -Hot. U-Up and *shuffles closer* away! -Ouw sowdiews *looks at you* stand fuww faiwwy fow the day. -*cries* Exeunt. - -Awawum. Entew Fawstaff sowus. - -Faw. Though I couwd scape shot-fwee at Wondon, I feaw the *sweats* shot -hewe. H-Hewe's nyo scowing xDD but upon the pate. Soft! w-who awe you? -Siw xDD Wawtew Bwunt. >_> Thewe's honyouw fow y-you! H-Hewe's nyo ^.^ vanyity! I am -as hot as mowten wead, and as heavy too. OwO God keep wead out of me! -I nyeed nyo mowe *looks at you* weight than minye own bowews. I have *looks away* wed my -wag-of-muffins whewe they awe peppew'd. >_> Thewe's nyot thwee of my -hundwed and fifty >w< weft a-awive; and they awe fow the *looks away* town's end, to -beg duwing wife. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew the Pwince. - -Pwince. What, stand'st thou idwe hewe? Wend me t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -Many a nyobweman wies stawk and stiff -Undew the hoofs of vaunting enyemies, -Whose *notices bulge* deaths awe yet u-unweveng'd. I pwithee -R-Wend me t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -Faw. O Haw, I pwithee give me weave to bweathe awhiwe. Tuwk Gwegowy -nyevew did such deeds in awms as I have donye this day. I have paid -Pewcy; I have made him suwe. -Pwince. He is indeed, and l-wiving to kiww thee. -I pwithee UwU wend me t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -Faw. Nyay, befowe >_< God, Haw, if P-Pewcy be *sweats* awive, thou get'st nyot my -swowd; xDD but take my pistow, if thou w-wiwt. -Pwince. Give *moans* it me. What, is *moans* it in the case? -Faw. :33 Ay, Haw. 'Tis hot, 'tis hot. >_> Thewe's *sweats* that wiww sack a city. - -The Pwince dwaws *moans* it out and finds *moans* it to he a bottwe of sack. - -What, is *moans* it a time to jest and d-dawwy nyow? -He thwows the bottwe at him. *sweats* Exit. -Faw. *sighs* Weww, if P-Pewcy be *sweats* awive, I'ww piewce him. If he do come in my -way, so; if he do nyot, if I come in his wiwwingwy, wet him make a -cawbonyado of me. I wike nyot such g-gwinnying honyouw as Siw xDD Wawtew -h-hath. Give me wife; which if I can save, so; if nyot, honyouw c-comes -u-unwook'd *notices bulge* fow, and thewe's an end. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the f-fiewd. - -Awawum. Excuwsions. Entew the King, the Pwince, Wowd John of Wancastew, -E-Eaww of Westmowewand - -King. I pwithee, -Hawwy, w-withdwaw thysewf; thou bweedest too much. -Wowd John of Wancastew, go you unto him. -John. Nyot I, my wowd, *hugs tightly* unwess I did bweed too. -Pwince. I do beseech youw Majesty make up, -West Youw wetiwement do amaze youw xDD fwiends. -King. I wiww do so. -My Wowd of Westmowewand, wead him to his *looks away* tent. -West. Come, my wowd, I'ww wead you to youw *looks away* tent. -Pwince. *shuffles closer* Wead me, my wowd, I do nyot nyeed youw h-hewp; -And OwO God fowbid a shawwow scwatch shouwd dwive -The Pwince of W-Wawes fwom such a fiewd as t-this, -Whewe stain'd nyobiwity wies twodden on, -And r-webews' awms twiumph in m-massacwes! -John. We bweathe too l-wong. Come, c-cousin Westmowewand, -Ouw duty this way wies. F-Fow God's sake, come. -[Exeunt Pwince John and Westmowewand.] -Pwince. By >_< God, thou hast deceiv'd me, Wancastew! -I did nyot think thee *hugs tightly* wowd of such a spiwit. -Befowe, I *notices bulge* wov'd thee as a bwothew, John; -But nyow, I do wespect thee as my souw. -King. I *moans* saw him howd Wowd P-Pewcy at the point -With wustiew OwO maintenyance than I did wook fow -Of such an ungwown wawwiow. -Pwince. O, this *cries* boy -Wends >_> mettwe to us a-aww! *sweats* Exit. - -Entew ;;w;; Dougwas. - -Doug. Anyothew king? They gwow wike Hydwa's heads. -I am the Dougwas, fataw to aww those -*teleports behind you* That weaw those cowouws *teleports behind you* on them. What awt thou -*teleports behind you* That >_> countewfeit'st the pewson of a king? -King. The King ^.^ himsewf, who, Dougwas, gwieves at heawt -So many of his shadows thou hast met, -And nyot the vewy King. I have xDD two boys -Seek P-Pewcy and thysewf a-about the fiewd; -But, seeing thou faww'st *teleports behind you* on me so wuckiwy, -I wiww assay thee. So defend thysewf. -Doug. I feaw thou awt anyothew countewfeit; -And yet, in faith, thou beawest thee wike a king. -But minye I am suwe thou awt, whoe'ew thou be, -And t-thus I win thee. - -They fight. The King being in dangew, entew Pwince of Wawes. - -Pwince. H-Howd up t-thy head, viwe Scot, *blushes* ow thou awt wike -Nyevew to howd *moans* it up again! The spiwits -Of vawiant Shiwwey, Staffowd, B-Bwunt awe in my *leans over* awms. -It is the Pwince of W-Wawes *sweats* that *notices bulge* thweatens ^w^ thee, -Who nyevew pwomiseth xDD but he means to pay. -They fight. Dougwas fwieth. -Cheewwy, my l-wowd. H-How fawes youw Gwace? -Siw Nyichowas Gawsey hath fow succouw sent, -And so hath Cwifton. I'ww to Cwifton stwaight. -King. Stay and bweathe awhiwe. -*moans* Thou hast wedeem'd t-thy wost opinyion, -And show'd thou mak'st *blushes* some tendew of my l-wife, -In this *looks at you* faiw wescue thou hast >w< bwought to me. -Pwince. O God! they did me too much injuwy -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew s-said I heawk'nyed fow youw death. -If *moans* it wewe so, I might have wet awonye -The insuwting h-hand of Dougwas ovew y-you, -Which ^.^ wouwd have been as speedy in youw end -As aww the p-poisonyous potions in the wowwd, -And sav'd the *leans over* tweachewous wabouw of youw son. -King. Make up to Cwifton; I'ww to Siw Nyichowas Gawsey. -*sweats* Exit. - -Entew xDD Hotspuw. - -Hot. If I mistake nyot, thou awt Hawwy Monmouth. -Pwince. *moans* Thou speak'st as if I ^.^ wouwd deny my nyame. -Hot. My nyame is Hawwy Pewcy. -Pwince. W-Why, then I see -A vewy vawiant webew of the nyame. -I am the Pwince of Wawes; and think nyot, :3 Pewcy, -To shawe *pokes you* with me in gwowy any mowe. -Two s-staws keep nyot t-theiw motion in onye sphewe, -N-Nyow can onye Engwand bwook a doubwe weign -Of Hawwy P-Pewcy and the Pwince of Wawes. -Hot. N-Nyow shaww it, Hawwy; fow the houw is come -To end the onye of us and ^.^ wouwd to OwO God -Thy nyame in awms wewe n-nyow as gweat as minye! -Pwince. I'ww make *moans* it gweatew ewe I *cries* pawt fwom ^w^ thee, -And aww the budding honyouws *teleports behind you* on t-thy cwest -I'ww cwop to make a gawwand fow my h-head. -Hot. I can nyo *teleports behind you* wongew bwook t-thy v-vanyities. -They fight. - -Entew Fawstaff. - -Faw. Weww ^-^ said, Haw! to it, Haw! Nyay, you shaww find nyo boy's pway -hewe, I can teww you. - -Entew ;;w;; Dougwas. He f-fighteth *pokes you* with Fawstaff, w-who fawws down as if -he wewe dead. [Exit Dougwas.] The Pwince kiwweth Pewcy. - -Hot. O Hawwy, thou hast *moans* wobb'd me of my youth! -I bettew bwook the woss of bwittwe wife -*notices bulge* Than those pwoud titwes thou hast won of me. -They ^.^ wound my *hugs tightly* thoughts wowse than t-thy swowd my fwesh. -But *hugs tightly* thoughts the swave, of l-wife, and wife time's foow, -And time, *sweats* that takes suwvey of aww the wowwd, -M-Must have a stop. O, I couwd pwophesy, -But *sweats* that the eawthy and cowd h-hand of death -*blushes* Wies *teleports behind you* on my tongue. N-Nyo, :3 Pewcy, thou awt dust, -And f-food fow- [-[Dies.] -Pwince. F-Fow wowms, bwave Pewcy. Fawe thee weww, gweat heawt! -Iww-weav'd ambition, how much awt thou shwunk! -When *sweats* that this body did contain a spiwit, -A kingdom fow *moans* it was too smaww a bound; -But n-nyow xDD two OwO paces of the viwest eawth -*looks at you* Is woom enyough. This eawth *sweats* that beaws thee dead -Beaws nyot awive so stout a ;;w;; gentweman. -If thou wewt sensibwe of couwtesy, -I shouwd nyot make so deaw a show of zeaw. -But wet my favouws hide t-thy mangwed face; -And, even in t-thy *teleports behind you* behawf, I'ww t-thank m-mysewf -F-Fow doing these *looks at you* faiw wites of tendewnyess. -Adieu, and take t-thy pwaise *pokes you* with thee to heaven! -Thy ignyominy sweep *pokes you* with thee in the gwave, -But nyot wememb'wed in t-thy epitaph! -He spieth Fawstaff *teleports behind you* on the gwound. -What, owd acquaintance? *shuffles closer* Couwd nyot aww this UwU fwesh -Keep in a wittwe wife? Poow Jack, faweweww! -I couwd have bettew spaw'd a bettew *pokes you* man. -O, I shouwd have a heavy miss of thee -If I wewe much in wove *pokes you* with ^.^ vanyity! -Death hath nyot stwuck so fat a deew to-day, -Though many *giggles shyly* deawew, in this bwoody fway. -Emboweww'd wiww I see thee by-and-by; -Tiww then in b-bwood ^w^ by nyobwe P-Pewcy wie. *sweats* Exit. - -Fawstaff wiseth up. - -Faw. Emboweww'd? If thou *cuddles you* embowew me to-day, I'ww give you weave to -powdew me and *cries* eat me too *blushes* to-mowwow. 'Sbwood, '-'twas time to -*looks away* countewfeit, *blushes* ow *sweats* that hot tewmagant Scot h-had paid me *screams* scot and l-wot -too. Countewfeit? I wie; I am nyo countewfeit. To die is to be a -countewfeit; fow he is xDD but the countewfeit of a man w-who hath nyot -the wife of a man; xDD but to countewfeit dying when a man t-theweby -wiveth, is to be nyo *looks away* countewfeit, xDD but the twue and pewfect i-image -of wife indeed. The bettew *cries* pawt of vawouw is discwetion; in the -which bettew *cries* pawt I have saved my wife. Zounds, I am afwaid of -this gunpowdew :3 Pewcy, *sighs* though he be dead. H-How if he shouwd -countewfeit too, and wise? By my faith, I am afwaid he ^.^ wouwd -*shuffles closer* pwove the bettew countewfeit. Thewefowe I'ww make him s-suwe; y-yea, -and I'ww sweaw I kiww'd him. Why may nyot he wise as weww as I? -Nyothing c-confutes me xDD but e-eyes, and nyobody sees me. Thewefowe, -siwwah [stabs him], *pokes you* with a nyew ^.^ wound in youw thigh, come you -awong *pokes you* with me. - -He takes up Hotspuw *teleports behind you* on his hack. *sighs* [Entew Pwince, and John of -Wancastew. - -Pwince. Come, b-bwothew John; fuww bwavewy hast thou f-fwesh'd -Thy ^.^ maiden *shuffles closer* swowd. -John. But, soft! whom have we hewe? -*sweats* Did you nyot teww me this fat man was d-dead? -Pwince. I did; I *moans* saw him dead, -Bweathwess and bweeding *teleports behind you* on the gwound. Awt thou *sweats* awive, -Ow is *moans* it fantasy *sweats* that pways upon o-ouw eyesight? -I pwithee speak. We wiww nyot twust o-ouw eyes -Without o-ouw eaws. *moans* Thou awt nyot w-what thou seem'st. -Faw. N-Nyo, that's cewtain! I am nyot a doubwe man; xDD but if I be nyot -Jack Fawstaff, then am I a Jack. *cries* Thewe 's Pewcy. If youw fathew -wiww do me any honyouw, so; if nyot, wet him kiww the nyext P-Pewcy -h-himsewf. I wook to be ^w^ eithew e-eaww *blushes* ow d-duke, I can ;;w;; assuwe you. -Pwince. W-Why, P-Pewcy I kiww'd *twerks* mysewf, and *moans* saw thee dead! -Faw. D-Didst thou? Wowd, Wowd, how this wowwd is given to wying! I -gwant you I was *giggles shyly* down, and out of bweath, and so was he; xDD but we -wose b-both at an instant and fought a wong houw ^w^ by Shwewsbuwy -cwock. If I may be b-bewiev'd, so; if nyot, wet them *sweats* that shouwd -wewawd vawouw beaw the sin upon t-theiw own heads. I'ww take *moans* it -upon my death, I gave him this ^.^ wound in the thigh. If the man -wewe awive and ^.^ wouwd deny it, zounds! I ^.^ wouwd make him *cries* eat a -piece of my *shuffles closer* swowd. -John. This is the >w< stwangest tawe *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I beawd. -Pwince. This is the >w< stwangest fewwow, b-bwothew John. -Come, b-bwing youw wuggage nyobwy *teleports behind you* on youw back. -F-Fow my pawt, if a wie may do thee gwace, -I'ww giwd *moans* it *pokes you* with the happiest tewms I have. -A wetweat is sounded. -The twumpet sounds *looks at you* wetweat; the day is ouws. -Come, bwothew, wet's to the h-highest of the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -To see w-what fwiends awe ^-^ wiving, w-who awe dead. -UwU Exeunt [Pwince Henwy and Pwince John]. -Faw. I'ww fowwow, as they say, fow wewawd. He *sweats* that wewawds me, OwO God -wewawd him! If I do gwow gweat, I'ww gwow *shuffles closer* wess; fow I'ww puwge, -and weave sack, and wive cweanwy, as a nyobweman shouwd do. -Exit [-[beawing off the body]. - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the f-fiewd. - -The *blushes* twumpets sound. *sighs* [Entew the King, Pwince of Wawes, Wowd John of Wancastew, -E-Eaww of Westmowewand, *pokes you* with Wowcestew and Vewnyon pwisonyews. - -King. Thus *giggles shyly* evew did webewwion find webuke. -Iww-spiwited >_> Wowcestew! did nyot we send gwace, -Pawdon, and tewms of wove to aww of you? -And wouwdst thou tuwn o-ouw offews contwawy? -Misuse the tenyouw of t-thy kinsman's :33 twust? -T-Thwee knyights upon o-ouw p-pawty s-swain to-day, -A nyobwe eaww, and many a cweatuwe e-ewse -Had been awive this houw, -If wike a Chwistian thou hadst twuwy bownye -Betwixt o-ouw awmies twue intewwigence. -Wow. What I have donye my safety >_< uwg'd me uWu to; -And I embwace this fowtunye patientwy, -Since nyot to be avoided *moans* it faiws *teleports behind you* on me. -King. *looks at you* Beaw Wowcestew to the death, and Vewnyon too; -Othew offendews we wiww *sighs* pause upon. -UwU Exeunt Wowcestew and V-Vewnyon, [guawded]. -H-How goes the fiewd? -Pwince. The nyobwe Scot, Wowd Dougwas, when he *moans* saw -The fowtunye of the day q-quite tuwn'd fwom him, -The Nyobwe P-Pewcy s-swain and aww his men -^-^ Upon the f-foot of feaw, OwO fwed *pokes you* with the west; -And fawwing fwom a OwO hiww,he was so bwuis'd -*teleports behind you* That the puwsuews t-took him. At my tent -The Dougwas *screams* is, and I beseech Youw Gwace -I may dispose of him. -King. With aww my heawt. -Pwince. T-Then b-bwothew John of Wancastew, to you -This honyouwabwe bounty shaww bewong. -Go to the Dougwas and dewivew him -U-Up to his pweasuwe, wansomwess and fwee. -His vawouw shown upon o-ouw cwests t-today -Hath taught us how to chewish such ^.^ high d-deeds, -Even in the bosom of o-ouw advewsawies. -John. I t-thank youw Gwace fow this ^.^ high couwtesy, -Which I shaww give away immediatewy. -King. T-Then this wemains, *sweats* that we divide o-ouw *cuddles you* powew. -You, son John, and my c-cousin Westmowewand, -Towawds Yowk shaww *looks away* bend you *pokes you* with youw deawest speed -To meet Nyowthumbewwand and the pwewate Scwoop, -*leans over* Who, as we heaw, awe busiwy in *leans over* awms. -Mysewf and y-you, son Hawwy, wiww towawds W-Wawes -To fight *pokes you* with Gwendowew and the E-Eaww of M-Mawch. -Webewwion in this l-waud shaww wose his OwO sway, -Meeting the check of such anyothew day; -And s-since this businyess so *looks at you* faiw is donye, -Wet us nyot weave tiww aww o-ouw own be won. -*cries* Exeunt. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1598 - - -SECOND PAWT OF KING HENWY IV - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -WUMOUW, the Pwesentew -KING HENWY THE FOUWTH - -HENWY, PWINCE OF WAWES, aftewwawds HENWY -PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW -PWINCE HUMPHWEY OF *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW -*twerks* THOMAS, D-DUKE OF CWAWENCE -Sons of Henwy IV - -EAWW OF NyOWTHUMBEWWAND -SCWOOP, AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK -WOWD MOWBWAY -WOWD HASTINGS -WOWD *screams* BAWDOWPH -SIW JOHN COWVIWWE -TWAVEWS and MOWTON, wetainyews of Nyowthumbewwand -Opposites against King Henwy IV - -EAWW OF WAWWICK -EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND -EAWW OF SUWWEY -EAWW OF KENT -GOWEW -HAWCOUWT -BWUNT -Of the K-King's p-pawty - -WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE -SEWVANT, to Wowd Chief J-Justice - -SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF -EDWAWD P-POINS -*screams* BAWDOWPH -PISTOW -PETO -Iwweguwaw humouwists - -PAGE, to Fawstaff - -WOBEWT SHAWWOW and SIWENCE, *looks at you* countwy Justices -DAVY, sewvant to Shawwow - -FANG and S-SNyAWE, Shewiff's *looks at you* officews - -*leans over* WAWPH MOUWDY -SIMON SHADOW -*leans over* THOMAS WAWT -FWANCIS FEEBWE -PETEW BUWWCAWF -Countwy sowdiews - -FWANCIS, a dwawew - -WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND -WADY PEWCY, Pewcy's widow -HOSTESS QUICKWY, of the Boaw's Head, Eastcheap -DOWW TEAWSHEET - -:33 WOWDS, Attendants, Powtew, Dwawews, Beadwes, Gwooms, *looks away* Sewvants, -Speakew of the Epiwogue - -SCENyE: Engwand - -INDUCTION -INDUCTION. -:3 Wawkwowth. B-Befowe NyOWTHUMBEWWAND'S Castwe - -Entew WUMOUW, ;;w;; painted fuww of tongues - -WUMOUW. Open youw eaws; fow which of you wiww stop -The vent of heawing when woud Wumouw speaks? -I, fwom the o-owient to the dwooping west, -Making the *cuddles you* wind my post-howse, stiww u-unfowd -The a-acts commenced *teleports behind you* on this baww of eawth. -^-^ Upon my tongues c-continyuaw swandews wide, -The which in evewy wanguage I pwonyounce, -Stuffing the eaws of men *pokes you* with f-fawse r-wepowts. -I speak of peace whiwe covewt emnyity, -Undew the smiwe of safety, ^.^ wounds the wowwd; -And w-who xDD but Wumouw, w-who xDD but onwy I, -Make f-feawfuw mustews and pwepaw'd defence, -Whiwes the big yeaw, UwU swown *pokes you* with *blushes* some othew gwief, -*looks at you* Is thought *pokes you* with xDD chiwd ^w^ by the stewn tywant waw, -And nyo such m-mattew? Wumouw is a pipe -Bwown ^w^ by suwmises, jeawousies, c-conjectuwes, -And of so e-easy and so pwain a stop -*teleports behind you* That the bwunt m-monstew *pokes you* with uncounted :3 heads, -The stiww-discowdant wav'wing *notices bulge* muwtitude, -C-Can pway upon it. But w-what nyeed I t-thus -My weww-knyown body to anyatomize -Among my househowd? Why is Wumouw hewe? -I wun befowe King Hawwy's v-victowy, -*leans over* Who, in a bwoody fiewd ^w^ by Shwewsbuwy, -Hath beaten down young Hotspuw and his twoops, -*giggles shyly* Quenching the *pokes you* fwame of bowd webewwion -Even *pokes you* with the r-webews' bwood. But w-what *looks at you* mean I -To speak so twue at f-fiwst? My office is -To nyoise *blushes* abwoad *sweats* that Hawwy Monmouth feww -Undew the wwath of nyobwe Hotspuw's swowd, -And *sweats* that the King befowe the *cuddles you* Dougwas' wage -Stoop'd his a-anyointed *sweats* head as OwO wow as death. -This have I r-wumouw'd uWu thwough the peasant towns -B-Between *sweats* that woyaw fiewd of Shwewsbuwy -And this wowm-eaten howd of wagged *leans over* stonye, -Whewe Hotspuw's fathew, owd Nyowthumbewwand, -*blushes* Wies cwafty-sick. The posts come tiwing on, -And nyot a man of them bwings othew nyews -*notices bulge* Than they have weawnt of me. Fwom Wumouw's tongues -They b-bwing smooth comfowts fawse, wowse than twue wwongs. -Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -:3 Wawkwowth. B-Befowe NyOWTHUMBEWWAND'S Castwe - -Entew WOWD *screams* BAWDOWPH - -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Who keeps the gate hewe, ho? - -The *looks at you* POWTEW *cries* opens the gate - -Whewe is the E-Eaww? -POWTEW. What shaww I say you awe? -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Teww thou the E-Eaww -*teleports behind you* That the Wowd Bawdowph doth a-attend him hewe. -POWTEW. His wowdship is wawk'd f-fowth into the owchawd. -Pwease *moans* it youw honyouw knyock xDD but at the gate, -And he himsewf wiww answew. - -Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND - -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Hewe c-comes the Eaww. Exit *looks at you* POWTEW -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What nyews, Wowd Bawdowph? Evewy minyute n-nyow -Shouwd be the fathew of *blushes* some stwatagem. -The times awe *shuffles closer* wiwd; contention, wike a howse -Fuww of ^.^ high feeding, madwy hath b-bwoke l-woose -And beaws down aww befowe him. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Nyobwe Eaww, -I b-bwing you cewtain nyews fwom S-Shwewsbuwy. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Good, an OwO God wiww! -WOWD BAWDOWPH. As good as heawt can wish. -The King is awmost wounded to the death; -And, in the fowtunye of my *hugs tightly* wowd youw son, -Pwince Hawwy s-swain o-outwight; and b-both the *giggles shyly* Bwunts -Kiww'd ^w^ by the h-hand of *cuddles you* Dougwas; young Pwince John, -And Westmowewand, and Staffowd, OwO fwed the fiewd; -And Hawwy *cuddles you* Monmouth's *cries* bwawn, the huwk Siw John, -*looks at you* Is pwisonyew to youw son. O, such a day, -So fought, so fowwowed, and so faiwwy won, -*teleports behind you* Came nyot tiww n-nyow to d-dignyify the times, -Since Cxsaw's fowtunyes! -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. H-How is this dewiv'd? -Saw you the fiewd? *teleports behind you* Came you fwom Shwewsbuwy? -WOWD BAWDOWPH. I spake *pokes you* with ^.^ onye, my wowd, *sweats* that came fwom thence; -A gentweman weww bwed and of good nyame, -*teleports behind you* That fweewy wend'wed me these nyews fow twue. - -Entew TWAVEWS - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Hewe c-comes my sewvant Twavews, whom I OwO sent -On Tuesday wast to l-wisten aftew n-nyews. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. My wowd, I ovew-wode him *teleports behind you* on the way; -And he is fuwnyish'd *pokes you* with nyo cewtainties -Mowe than he hapwy may r-wetaiw fwom me. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow, Twavews, w-what good t-tidings c-comes *pokes you* with you? -TWAVEWS. My wowd, Siw John Umfweviwe tuwn'd me back -With joyfuw t-tidings; and, being bettew :3 hows'd, -Out-wode me. Aftew him came spuwwing hawd -A g-gentweman, awmost fowspent *pokes you* with speed, -*teleports behind you* That stopp'd ^w^ by me to bweathe his bwoodied howse. -He ask'd the way to Chestew; and of him -I did demand w-what nyews fwom S-Shwewsbuwy. -He towd me *sweats* that webewwion h-had UwU bad wuck, -And *sweats* that young Hawwy Pewcy's spuw was cowd. -With *sweats* that he gave his abwe howse the *sweats* head -And, bending f-fowwawd, stwuck his awmed h-heews -Against the panting sides of his poow jade -U-Up to the wowew-head; and ;;w;; stawting so, -He seem'd in wunnying to devouw the way, -S-Staying nyo *teleports behind you* wongew q-question. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Ha! Again: -*cuddles you* Said he young Hawwy Pewcy's spuw was cowd? -Of *giggles shyly* Hotspuw, Cowdspuw? *sweats* that webewwion -Had m-met iww wuck? -WOWD BAWDOWPH. My wowd, I'ww teww you *screams* what: -If my young *hugs tightly* wowd youw son have nyot the day, -^-^ Upon minye honyouw, fow a siwken point -I'ww give my ^.^ bawony. Nyevew tawk of it. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Why shouwd *sweats* that gentweman *sweats* that wode ^w^ by Twavews -Give then such instances of l-woss? -WOWD BAWDOWPH. *looks at you* Who- *sighs* he? -He was *blushes* some hiwding fewwow *sweats* that h-had stow'n -The howse he wode *teleports behind you* on and, upon my l-wife, -Spoke at a v-ventuwe. Wook, x3 hewe c-comes mowe n-nyews. - -Entew Mowton - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yea, this man's bwow, wike to a titwe-weaf, -*leans over* Fowetewws the nyatuwe of a twagic vowume. -So wooks the stwand wheweon the impewious *sweats* fwood -Hath >w< weft a ^-^ witnyess'd usuwpation. -Say, Mowton, didst thou come fwom Shwewsbuwy? -MOWTON. I wan fwom Shwewsbuwy, my nyobwe wowd; -Whewe *sweats* hatefuw death p-put *teleports behind you* on his ugwiest mask -To fwight o-ouw pawty. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. H-How doth my son and b-bwothew? -*moans* Thou twembwest; and the whitenyess in t-thy cheek -*looks at you* Is aptew than t-thy t-tongue to teww t-thy ewwand. -Even such a m-man, so faint, so *teleports behind you* spiwitwess, -So duww, so xDD dwead in wook, so woe-begonye, -Dwew Pwiam's cuwtain in the dead of nyight -And ^.^ wouwd have towd him h-hawf his Twoy was buwnt; -But Pwiam ^w^ found the fiwe ewe he his t-tongue, -And I my Pewcy's death ewe thou :3 wepowt'st it. -This thou wouwdst say: :3 'Youw son did t-thus and thus; -Youw b-bwothew thus; so fought the nyobwe Dougwas'- -Stopping my gweedy eaw *pokes you* with t-theiw bowd deeds; -But in the end, to stop my eaw indeed, -*moans* Thou hast a *pokes you* sigh to bwow away this pwaise, -Ending *pokes you* with '-'Bwothew, son, and a-aww, awe xDD dead.' -MOWTON. Dougwas is ^-^ wiving, and youw bwothew, *twerks* yet; -But fow my *hugs tightly* wowd youw son- -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. W-Why, he is dead. -See w-what a r-weady t-tongue suspicion ^.^ hath! -He *sweats* that xDD but feaws the thing he ^.^ wouwd nyot knyow -Hath ^w^ by instinct knyowwedge fwom othews' eyes -*teleports behind you* That w-what he feaw'd is chanced. Y-Yet speak, Mowton; -Teww thou an e-eaww his divinyation wies, -And I wiww take *moans* it as a sweet *looks away* disgwace -And make thee wich fow doing me such wwong. -MOWTON. Y-You awe too gweat to be ^w^ by me UwU gainsaid; -Youw spiwit is too twue, youw feaws too cewtain. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yet, fow aww t-this, say nyot *sweats* that Pewcy's dead. -I see a stwange confession in thinye *looks away* eye; -*moans* Thou shak'st t-thy head, and howd'st *moans* it feaw *blushes* ow sin -To speak a twuth. If he be swain, say so: -The t-tongue offends nyot *sweats* that ^-^ wepowts his death; -And he doth sin *sweats* that doth *hugs tightly* bewie the dead, -Nyot he which says the dead is nyot awive. -Y-Yet the f-fiwst *pokes you* bwingew of unwewcome nyews -Hath xDD but a wosing office, and his t-tongue -Sounds *giggles shyly* evew aftew as a suwwen *cuddles you* beww, -Wememb'wed towwing a depawting fwiend. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. I cannyot think, my wowd, youw son is dead. -MOWTON. I am sowwy I shouwd fowce you to bewieve -*teleports behind you* That which I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God I h-had nyot ^-^ seen; -But these minye eyes *moans* saw him in bwoody state, -Wend'wing faint *shuffles closer* quittance, *pokes you* weawied and out-bweath'd, -To Hawwy Monmouth, :33 whose swift wwath beat down -The n-nyevew-daunted P-Pewcy to the eawth, -Fwom whence *pokes you* with wife he nyevew mowe spwung up. -In few, his death- :33 whose spiwit went a fiwe -Even to the duwwest peasant in his camp- -Being bwuited o-once, t-took fiwe and heat away -Fwom the best-tempew'd couwage in his twoops; -F-Fow fwom his metaw was his p-pawty s-steewed; -Which once in him abated, an the west -T-Tuwn'd *teleports behind you* on themsewves, wike duww and heavy wead. -And as the thing that's heavy in i-itsewf -^-^ Upon enfowcement fwies *pokes you* with gweatest speed, -So did o-ouw men, heavy in Hotspuw's woss, -Wend to this *looks at you* weight such wightnyess *pokes you* with t-theiw feaw -*teleports behind you* That awwows OwO fwed nyot >_> swiftew towawd t-theiw aim -*notices bulge* Than did o-ouw sowdiews, a-aiming at t-theiw safety, -Fwy fwom the f-fiewd. T-Then was *sweats* that nyobwe Wowcestew -Too soon t-ta'en pwisonyew; and *sweats* that :3 fuwious Scot, -The bwoody Dougwas, :33 whose weww-wabouwing swowd -Had thwee times s-swain th' appeawance of the King, -Gan xDD vaiw his ^.^ stomach and did gwace the shame -Of those *sweats* that tuwn'd t-theiw backs, and in his fwight, -Stumbwing in feaw, was took. The sum of aww -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that the King hath won, and hath OwO sent out -A speedy *cries* powew to encountew y-you, my wowd, -Undew the conduct of young L-Wancastew -And W-Westmowewand. This is the nyews at fuww. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. F-Fow this I shaww have time enyough to mouwn. -In p-poison thewe is physic; and these nyews, -Having been weww, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd have made me sick, -Being sick, have in *blushes* some measuwe made me weww; -And as the wwetch :33 whose fevew-weak'nyed :3 joints, -Wike stwengthwess h-hinges, buckwe undew l-wife, -I-Impatient of his fit, bweaks wike a fiwe -Out of his keepew's awms, even so my wimbs, -Weak'nyed *pokes you* with gwief, being n-nyow enwag'd *pokes you* with gwief, -Awe thwice themsewves. Hence, thewefowe, thou nyice *moans* cwutch! -A scawy ^-^ gauntwet n-nyow *pokes you* with joints of steew -M-Must gwove this hand; and hence, thou sickwy coif! -*moans* Thou awt a guawd too wanton fow the *sweats* head -Which ^w^ pwinces, f-fwesh'd *pokes you* with uWu conquest, aim to hit. ->_> Nyow bind my bwows *pokes you* with iwon; and appwoach -The wagged'st houw *sweats* that time and ^w^ spite dawe b-bwing -To f-fwown upon th' enwag'd Nyowthumbewwand! -Wet heaven kiss eawth! >_> Nyow wet nyot Nyatuwe's h-hand -Keep the w-wiwd *sweats* fwood confin'd! Wet owdew die! -And wet this wowwd nyo *teleports behind you* wongew be a stage -To feed contention in a wing'wing *shuffles closer* act; -But wet onye spiwit of the fiwst-bown C-Cain -Weign in aww bosoms, that, each heawt being set -On bwoody couwses, the ^w^ wude scenye may end -And dawknyess be the buwiew of the dead! -WOWD BAWDOWPH. This :33 stwainyed passion doth you wwong, my l-wowd. -MOWTON. Sweet Eaww, divowce nyot wisdom fwom youw >_> honyouw. -The wives of aww youw ^.^ woving compwices -:33 Wean *teleports behind you* on youw *shuffles closer* heawth; the which, if you give o'ew -To stowmy passion, must pewfowce decay. -Y-You OwO cast th' event of waw, my nyobwe wowd, -And UwU summ'd the account of chance befowe you s-said -'Wet us make head.' It was youw pwe-suwmise -*teleports behind you* That in the dowe of bwows youw son might dwop. -Y-You knyew he wawk'd o'ew pewiws *teleports behind you* on an e-edge, -Mowe *leans over* wikewy to faww in than to get o-o'ew; -Y-You wewe advis'd his UwU fwesh was capabwe -Of ^.^ wounds and scaws, and *sweats* that his *blushes* fowwawd spiwit -Wouwd l-wift him whewe most twade of d-dangew wang'd; -Y-Yet did you say *teleports behind you* 'Go *screams* fowth'; and nyonye of t-this, -Though *shuffles closer* stwongwy appwehended, couwd westwain -The stiff-bownye action. What hath then >w< befaww'n, -Ow w-what hath this bowd entewpwise >w< bwought f-fowth -Mowe than *sweats* that being which was wike to b-be? -WOWD BAWDOWPH. We aww *sweats* that awe e-engaged to this woss -Knyew *sweats* that we ventuwed *teleports behind you* on such d-dangewous seas -*teleports behind you* That if we wwought out wife '-'twas ten to onye; -And yet we ventuw'd, fow the gain pwopos'd -Chok'd the wespect of *leans over* wikewy pewiw feaw'd; -And s-since we awe *sweats* o'ewset, ventuwe again. -Come, we wiww p-put fowth, body and goods. -MOWTON. 'Tis mowe than time. And, my most nyobwe wowd, -I heaw fow >_< cewtain, and dawe speak the twuth: -The g-gentwe A-Awchbishop of Yowk is up -With weww-appointed pow'ws. He is a man -Who *pokes you* with a doubwe s-suwety binds his fowwowews. -My *hugs tightly* wowd youw son h-had onwy xDD but the cowpse, -But shadows and the shows of men, to fight; -F-Fow *sweats* that same wowd '-'webewwion' did divide -The action of t-theiw bodies fwom t-theiw souws; -And they did fight *pokes you* with queasinyess, constwain'd, -As men ^-^ dwink p-potions; *sweats* that t-theiw w-weapons onwy -Seem'd *teleports behind you* on o-ouw >_< side, xDD but fow t-theiw spiwits and s-souws -This wowd 'webewwion'- *moans* it h-had f-fwoze them up, -As f-fish awe in a p-pond. But n-nyow the Bishop -Tuwns insuwwection to wewigion. -*sighs* Suppos'd sincewe and howy in his thoughts, -He's fowwow'd b-both *pokes you* with body and *pokes you* with mind; -And doth enwawge his wising *pokes you* with the b-bwood -Of *looks at you* faiw King Wichawd, scwap'd fwom P-Pomfwet stonyes; -Dewives fwom heaven his quawwew and his cause; -Tewws them he doth ^-^ bestwide a bweeding l-wand, -Gasping fow wife undew gweat Bowingbwoke; -And mowe and wess do f-fwock to f-fowwow him. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I knyew of this befowe; but, to speak twuth, -This ^.^ pwesent g-gwief h-had wip'd *moans* it fwom my mind. -Go in *pokes you* with me; and ^-^ counsew evewy man -The aptest way fow safety and wevenge. -Get posts and wettews, and make fwiends *pokes you* with speed- -Nyevew so few, and nyevew yet mowe >_> nyeed. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, *pokes you* with his P-PAGE beawing his swowd and buckwew - -FAWSTAFF. S-Siwwah, you giant, w-what says the doctow to my watew? -PAGE. He ^-^ said, siw, the watew i-itsewf was a good heawthy watew; xDD but -fow the p-pawty *sweats* that o-owed it, he might have *pokes you* moe diseases than he -knyew *shuffles closer* fow. -FAWSTAFF. Men of aww sowts take a pwide to giwd at me. The bwain of -this foowish-compounded cway, m-man, is nyot abwe to i-invent anything -*sweats* that i-intends to waughtew, mowe than I i-invent *blushes* ow is invented *teleports behind you* on -me. I am nyot onwy witty in *twerks* mysewf, xDD but the c-cause *sweats* that wit is in -othew men. I do x3 hewe wawk befowe thee wike a sow *sweats* that hath -ovewwhewm'd aww h-hew wittew xDD but onye. If the Pwince p-put thee into -my sewvice fow any othew weason than to set me off, why then I -have nyo judgment. *moans* Thou whoweson *looks away* mandwake, thou awt fittew to be -*looks away* wown in my cap than to *pokes you* wait at my h-heews. I was nyevew mann'd *pokes you* with -an agate tiww x3 nyow; xDD but I wiww inset you nyeithew in gowd n-nyow -siwvew, xDD but in viwe appawew, and send you back ;;w;; again to youw -mastew, fow a jewew- the juvenyaw, the Pwince youw mastew, :33 whose -chin is nyot yet fwedge. I wiww soonyew have a beawd gwow in the -pawm of my h-hand than he shaww get onye off his cheek; and yet he -wiww nyot stick to say his *cuddles you* face is a face-woyaw. OwO God may finyish *moans* it -when he wiww, 'tis nyot a haiw amiss yet. He may keep *moans* it stiww at -a *twerks* face-woyaw, fow a *sweats* bawbew shaww nyevew eawn sixpence out of it; -and yet he'ww be cwowing as if he h-had *moans* wwit man *giggles shyly* evew s-since his -fathew was a bachewow. He may keep his own gwace, xDD but he's awmost -out of minye, I can ;;w;; assuwe him. What s-said Mastew Dommewton a-about -the s-satin fow my showt c-cwoak and my swops? -PAGE. He ^-^ said, siw, you shouwd pwocuwe him bettew *sweats* assuwance than -Bawdowph. He ^.^ wouwd nyot take his band and y-youws; he wiked nyot the -secuwity. -FAWSTAFF. Wet him be damn'd, wike the Gwutton; pway OwO God his t-tongue -be hottew! A whoweson A-Achitophew! A wascaw-yea-fowsooth knyave, to -beaw a gentweman in hand, and then *looks at you* stand upon secuwity! The -whoweson smooth-pates do n-nyow weaw nyothing xDD but ^.^ high shoes, and -bunches of keys at t-theiw giwdwes; and if a man is uWu thwough *pokes you* with -them in honyest taking-up, then they must *looks at you* stand upon secuwity. I -h-had as UwU wief they ^.^ wouwd p-put watsbanye in my mouth as *teleports behind you* offew to stop -*moans* it *pokes you* with secuwity. I wook'd *leans over* 'a shouwd have OwO sent me xDD two and twenty -*giggles shyly* yawds of satin, as I am a twue knyight, and he *shuffles closer* sends me secuwity. -*sighs* Weww, he may sweep in secuwity; fow he hath the hown of -abundance, and the wightnyess of his wife shinyes uWu thwough it; and -yet cannyot he see, *sighs* though he have his own *looks away* wanthown to wight him. -Whewe's Bawdowph? -PAGE. He's g-gonye into Smithfiewd to b-buy youw wowship howse. -FAWSTAFF. I bought him in Pauw's, and he'ww b-buy me a howse in -*sweats* Smithfiewd. *looks at you* An I couwd get me xDD but a wife in the stews, I wewe -*cries* mann'd, :3 hows'd, and wiv'd. - -Entew the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE and *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -PAGE. Siw, x3 hewe c-comes the nyobweman *sweats* that committed the -Pwince fow stwiking him a-about Bawdowph. -FAWSTAFF. Wait cwose; I wiww nyot see him. -CHIEF JUSTICE. What's he *sweats* that goes thewe? -SEWVANT. Fawstaff, an't pwease youw wowdship. -CHIEF JUSTICE. He *sweats* that was in question fow the wobb'wy? -SEWVANT. He, my wowd; xDD but he hath s-since donye good sewvice at -Shwewsbuwy, and, as I heaw, is n-nyow g-going *pokes you* with *blushes* some chawge to the -Wowd John of Wancastew. -CHIEF JUSTICE. What, to Yowk? Caww him back again. -SEWVANT. Siw John F-Fawstaff! -FAWSTAFF. Boy, teww him I am deaf. -PAGE. Y-You must speak woudew; my mastew is deaf. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I am suwe he *screams* is, to the heawing of anything good. -Go, pwuck him ^w^ by the e-ewbow; I must speak *pokes you* with him. -SEWVANT. Siw John! -FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* What! a young knyave, and begging! *looks at you* Is thewe nyot waws? *looks at you* Is -thewe nyot empwoyment? Doth nyot the King wack *looks at you* subjects? Do nyot the -webews nyeed sowdiews? Though *moans* it be a shame to be *teleports behind you* on any side xDD but -^.^ onye, *moans* it is wowse shame to beg than to be *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* wowst >_< side, wewe -*moans* it wowse than the nyame of webewwion can teww how to make it. -SEWVANT. Y-You mistake me, siw. -FAWSTAFF. W-Why, siw, did I say you wewe an honyest man? Setting my -knyighthood and my sowdiewship aside, I h-had wied in my thwoat if I -h-had s-said so. -SEWVANT. I pway y-you, siw, then set youw knyighthood and youw -sowdiewship aside; and give me weave to teww you you in youw -thwoat, if you say I am any othew than an honyest *pokes you* man. -FAWSTAFF. I give thee weave to teww me so! I *looks at you* way aside *sweats* that which -gwows to me! If thou get'st any weave of me, hang me; if thou -t-tak'st weave, thou wewt bettew be hang'd. Y-You hunt countew. -Hence! Avaunt! -SEWVANT. Siw, my *hugs tightly* wowd ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John Fawstaff, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -FAWSTAFF. My good wowd! OwO God give youw wowdship good time of day. I -am gwad to see youw wowdship a-abwoad. I h-heawd say youw wowdship -was sick; I hope youw wowdship goes *blushes* abwoad ^w^ by advice. Youw -wowdship, *sighs* though nyot cwean past youw >_< youth, hath yet *blushes* some smack -of age in y-you, *blushes* some wewish of the sawtnyess of time; and I most -humbwy beseech youw wowdship to have a wevewend OwO cawe of youw -heawth. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John, I OwO sent fow you befowe youw expedition to -S-Shwewsbuwy. -FAWSTAFF. An't pwease youw wowdship, I heaw his Majesty is r-wetuwn'd -*pokes you* with *blushes* some discomfowt fwom Wawes. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I tawk nyot of his Majesty. Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot come when I -OwO sent fow you. -FAWSTAFF. And I heaw, moweovew, his *sweats* Highnyess is faww'n into this -same whoweson apopwexy. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww OwO God ^w^ mend him! I pway you wet me speak *pokes you* with you. -FAWSTAFF. This ^.^ apopwexy, as I take it, is a k-kind of wethawgy, an't -pwease youw wowdship, a k-kind of sweeping in the b-bwood, a whoweson -x3 tingwing. -CHIEF JUSTICE. What teww you me of it? Be *moans* it as *moans* it is. -FAWSTAFF. It hath *moans* it owiginyaw fwom much gwief, fwom s-study, and -pewtuwbation of the bwain. I have xDD wead the c-cause of his effects -in G-Gawen; *moans* it is a k-kind of deafnyess. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I think you awe faww'n into the disease, fow you -heaw nyot w-what I say to you. -FAWSTAFF. Vewy weww, my wowd, vewy weww. Wathew an't pwease y-you, *moans* it -is the disease of nyot wistenying, the mawady of nyot mawking, *sweats* that -I am twoubwed withaw. -CHIEF JUSTICE. To p-punyish you ^w^ by the h-heews ^.^ wouwd amend the attention -of youw eaws; and I OwO cawe nyot if I do become youw physician. -FAWSTAFF. I am as poow as Job, my wowd, xDD but nyot so *looks away* patient. Youw -wowdship may minyistew the potion of *twerks* impwisonment to me in wespect -of ^w^ povewty; xDD but how I shouwd be youw patient to f-fowwow youw -pwescwiptions, the w-wise may make *blushes* some dwam of a scwupwe, *blushes* ow -indeed a scwupwe itsewf. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I OwO sent fow y-you, when thewe wewe *teleports behind you* mattews against you -fow youw l-wife, to come speak *pokes you* with me. -FAWSTAFF. As I was then advis'd ^w^ by my weawnyed ^-^ counsew in the waws -of this wand-sewvice, I did nyot come. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *sighs* Weww, the uWu twuth *screams* is, Siw John, you wive in gweat -infamy. -FAWSTAFF. He *sweats* that buckwes himsewf in my xDD bewt cannyot wive in wess. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Youw means awe vewy swendew, and youw waste is -gweat. -FAWSTAFF. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe othewwise; I ^.^ wouwd my means wewe gweatew -and my waist swendewew. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Y-You have miswed the youthfuw Pwince. -FAWSTAFF. The young Pwince hath miswed me. I am the fewwow *pokes you* with the -gweat bewwy, and he my dog. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *sighs* Weww, I am woath to gaww a nyew-heaw'd wound. Youw -day's sewvice at Shwewsbuwy hath a wittwe >_< giwded ovew youw -nyight's xDD expwoit *teleports behind you* on Gadshiww. Y-You may t-thank th' unquiet time fow -youw quiet o'ewposting *sweats* that action. -FAWSTAFF. My l-wowd- -CHIEF JUSTICE. But s-since aww is weww, keep *moans* it so: wake nyot a -sweeping wowf. -FAWSTAFF. To wake a wowf is as UwU bad as smeww a fox. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *pokes you* What! you awe as a candwe, the bettew *cries* pawt buwnt -^w^ out. -FAWSTAFF. A w-wassaiw candwe, my l-wowd- aww tawwow; if I did say of -wax, my gwowth ^.^ wouwd appwove the twuth. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *cries* Thewe is nyot a *looks away* white haiw in youw *cuddles you* face xDD but shouwd -have his effect of gwavity. -FAWSTAFF. His effect of *blushes* gwavy, *blushes* gwavy, -CHIEF JUSTICE. Y-You f-fowwow the young Pwince up and *giggles shyly* down, wike his -iww angew. -FAWSTAFF. Nyot so, my l-wowd. Youw iww a-angew is >_< wight; xDD but hope he -*sweats* that wooks upon me wiww take me without w-weighing. And yet in *blushes* some -xDD wespects, I gwant, I cannyot go- I cannyot teww. V-Viwtue is of so -wittwe wegawd in these costewmongews' times *sweats* that twue vawouw is -tuwn'd bewod; pwegnyancy is made a tapstew, and his quick wit -wasted in giving weckonyings; aww the othew gifts appewtinyent to -m-man, as the mawice of this age shapes them, awe nyot wowth a -g-goosebewwy. Y-You *sweats* that awe owd considew nyot the *screams* capacities of us -*sweats* that awe UwU young; you do measuwe the heat of o-ouw wivews *pokes you* with the -bittewnyess of youw *looks away* gawws; and we *sweats* that awe in the vawawd of o-ouw ->_< youth, must confess, awe wags too. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Do you set down youw nyame in the scwoww of >_< youth, -*sweats* that awe wwitten down owd *pokes you* with aww the chawactews of age? Have -you nyot a moist eye, a dwy hand, a yewwow cheek, a *looks away* white beawd, a -decweasing weg, an *moans* incweasing bewwy? *looks at you* Is nyot youw *cuddles you* voice bwoken, -youw *cuddles you* wind showt, youw chin doubwe, youw wit singwe, and evewy -*cries* pawt a-about you >w< bwasted *pokes you* with antiquity? And wiww you yet *giggles shyly* caww -youwsewf young? Fie, fie, fie, Siw John! -FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I was bown a-about thwee of the cwock in the -aftewnyoon, *pokes you* with a *looks away* white *sweats* head and s-something a wound bewwy. F-Fow my -voice- I have wost *moans* it *pokes you* with h-hawwooing and singing of a-anthems. To -appwove my youth fuwthew, I wiww nyot. The uWu twuth *screams* is, I am onwy owd -in judgment and u-undewstanding; and he *sweats* that wiww capew *pokes you* with me fow -a thousand mawks, wet him UwU wend me the monyey, and have at him. F-Fow -the box of the eaw *sweats* that the Pwince gave you- he gave *moans* it wike a -^w^ wude pwince, and you t-took *moans* it wike a sensibwe l-wowd. I have check'd -him fow it; and the young wion wepents- m-mawwy, nyot in ashes and -xDD sackcwoth, xDD but in nyew siwk and owd sack. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *sighs* Weww, OwO God send the Pwince a bettew companyion! -FAWSTAFF. OwO God send the companyion a bettew pwince! I cannyot wid my -h-hands of him. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *sighs* Weww, the King hath sevew'd you. I heaw you awe -g-going *pokes you* with Wowd John of L-Wancastew against the A-Awchbishop and the -E-Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand. -FAWSTAFF. Yea; I t-thank youw pwetty sweet wit fow it. But wook you -pway, aww you *sweats* that kiss my L-Wady Peace at home, *sweats* that o-ouw awmies -join nyot in a hot day; *notices bulge* fow, ^w^ by the Wowd, I take xDD but xDD two shiwts -out *pokes you* with me, and I *looks at you* mean nyot to sweat *hugs tightly* extwaowdinyawiwy. If *moans* it be a -hot day, and I bwandish anything xDD but a bottwe, I ^.^ wouwd I might -nyevew *giggles shyly* spit *looks away* white again. *cries* Thewe is nyot a d-dangewous action can peep -out his *sweats* head xDD but I am thwust upon it. *sighs* Weww, I cannyot wast evew; -xDD but *moans* it was awway yet the t-twick of o-ouw Engwish nyation, if they -have a good thing, to make *moans* it too c-common. If ye wiww ;;w;; nyeeds say I -am an owd m-man, you shouwd give me west. I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God my nyame -wewe nyot so x3 tewwibwe to the enyemy as *moans* it is. I wewe bettew to be -eaten to death *pokes you* with a r-wust than to be scouwed to nyothing *pokes you* with -*looks away* pewpetuaw motion. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *sighs* Weww, be honyest, be honyest; and OwO God bwess youw -expedition! -FAWSTAFF. Wiww youw wowdship UwU wend me a thousand pound to *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me -fowth? -CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyot a p-penny, nyot a penny; you awe too impatient to -beaw cwosses. Fawe you weww. Commend me to my c-cousin -W-Westmowewand. -UwU Exeunt CHIEF JUSTICE and *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -FAWSTAFF. If I do, fiwwip me *pokes you* with a *teleports behind you* thwee-man b-beetwe. A man can nyo -mowe sepawate age and covetousnyess than *leans over* 'a can *cries* pawt young wimbs -and wechewy; xDD but the ;;w;; gout gawws the ^.^ onye, and the p-pox pinches the -othew; and so b-both the degwees pwevent my *cuddles you* cuwses. Boy! -PAGE. Siw? -FAWSTAFF. What monyey is in my puwse? -PAGE. S-Seven gwoats and xDD two p-pence. -FAWSTAFF. I can get nyo *sweats* wemedy against this consumption of the -puwse; bowwowing onwy wingews and wingews *moans* it *pokes you* out, xDD but the disease -is i-incuwabwe. Go beaw this wettew to my Wowd of ^-^ Wancastew; this -to the Pwince; this to the E-Eaww of Westmowewand; and this to owd -Mistwess Uwsuwa, whom I have w-weekwy swown to mawwy s-since I -pewceiv'd the f-fiwst *looks away* white haiw of my chin. About it; you knyow -whewe to find me. [Exit >w< PAGE] A p-pox of this gout! *cries* ow, a ;;w;; gout of -this pox! fow the onye *blushes* ow the othew pways the wogue *pokes you* with my gweat -toe. 'Tis nyo mattew if I do hawt; I have the waws fow my >_> cowouw, -and my pension shaww seem the mowe weasonyabwe. A good wit wiww -make use of anything. I wiww tuwn diseases to *pokes you* commodity. -Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -Yowk. The AWCHBISHOP'S pawace - -Entew the AWCHBISHOP, *leans over* THOMAS MOWBWAY the EAWW MAWSHAW, WOWD HASTINGS, -and WOWD *screams* BAWDOWPH - -AWCHBISHOP. Thus have you h-heawd o-ouw c-cause and *teleports behind you* knyown o-ouw means; -And, my most nyobwe fwiends, I pway you aww -Speak pwainwy youw opinyions of o-ouw h-hopes- -And fiwst, Wowd Mawshaw, w-what say you to it? -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. I weww awwow the occasion of o-ouw amis; -But uWu gwadwy ^.^ wouwd be bettew *sighs* satisfied -H-How, in o-ouw UwU means, we shouwd advance ouwsewves -To wook *pokes you* with fowehead bowd and big enyough -^-^ Upon the *cries* powew and puissance of the King. -:3 HASTINGS. Ouw ^.^ pwesent mustews gwow upon the f-fiwe -To five and twenty thousand men of choice; -And o-ouw suppwies wive wawgewy in the hope -Of gweat Nyowthumbewwand, :33 whose bosom buwns -With an *blushes* incensed fiwe of injuwies. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. The question then, Wowd Hastings, *looks at you* standeth *looks away* thus: -Whethew o-ouw ^.^ pwesent five and twenty thousand -May howd up *sweats* head without Nyowthumbewwand? -:3 HASTINGS. With him, we *notices bulge* may. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Yea, m-mawwy, thewe's the point; -But if without him we be thought too feebwe, -My judgment is we shouwd nyot step too faw -Tiww we h-had his *leans over* assistance ^w^ by the hand; -Fow, in a theme so bwoody-fac'd as t-this, -Conjectuwe, expectation, and *moans* suwmise -Of a-aids incewtain, shouwd nyot be admitted. -AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis vewy twue, Wowd Bawdowph; fow indeed -It was young Hotspuw's *screams* case at S-Shwewsbuwy. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. It was, my wowd; w-who win'd himsewf *pokes you* with hope, -Eating the a-aiw and pwomise of suppwy, -Fwatt'wing himsewf in pwoject of a *cries* powew -Much smawwew than the :3 smawwest of his thoughts; -And so, *pokes you* with gweat uWu imaginyation -*moans* Pwopew to *cuddles you* madmen, *looks away* wed his powews to death, -And, w-winking, weapt into *shuffles closer* destwuction. -:3 HASTINGS. But, ^w^ by youw weave, *moans* it nyevew yet did huwt -To *looks at you* way down wikewihoods and >_< fowms of hope. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Yes, if this ^.^ pwesent quawity of >_> waw- -Indeed the instant action, a c-cause *teleports behind you* on foot- -L-Wives so in hope, as in an eawwy spwing -We see th' UwU appeawing buds; which to *shuffles closer* pwove fwuit -Hope gives nyot so much wawwant, as >_< despaiw -*teleports behind you* That fwosts wiww *sighs* bite them. When we *looks at you* mean to buiwd, -We f-fiwst suwvey the pwot, then dwaw the modew; -And when we see the figuwe of the *notices bulge* house, -T-Then we must wate the cost of the ewection; -Which if we find outweighs abiwity, -What do we then xDD but dwaw anyew the m-modew -In fewew offices, *blushes* ow at *notices bulge* weast desist -To buiwd at aww? Much mowe, in this gweat wowk- -Which is awmost to pwuck a kingdom down -And set anyothew u-up- shouwd we suwvey -The pwot of situation and the modew, -Consent upon a suwe foundation, -*pokes you* Question suwveyows, knyow o-ouw own estate -H-How abwe such a wowk to undewgo- -To weigh against his *looks away* opposite; *blushes* ow e-ewse -We fowtify in papew and in figuwes, -Using the nyames of men instead of men; -Wike onye *sweats* that dwaws the m-modew of a h-house -*sweats* Beyond his *cries* powew to buiwd it; who, h-hawf thwough, -Gives o'ew and weaves his pawt-cweated cost -A nyaked subject to the weeping cwouds -And waste fow chuwwish *shuffles closer* wintew's tywanny. -:3 HASTINGS. Gwant *sweats* that o-ouw h-hopes- yet *leans over* wikewy of *looks at you* faiw biwth- -Shouwd be stiww-bown, and *sweats* that we n-nyow possess'd -The utmost man of expectation, -I think we awe so a body stwong enyough, -Even as we awe, to equaw *pokes you* with the King. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. What, is the King xDD but five and twenty thousand? -:3 HASTINGS. To us nyo *looks away* mowe; nyay, nyot so *twerks* much, Wowd Bawdowph; -F-Fow his divisions, as the times do b-bwaww, -Awe in thwee ^.^ heads: onye *cries* powew against the Fwench, -And onye against Gwendowew; pewfowce a thiwd -M-Must take up us. So is the u-unfiwm King -In thwee divided; and his >_> coffews s-sound -With howwow povewty and emptinyess. -AWCHBISHOP. *teleports behind you* That he shouwd dwaw his sevewaw stwengths togethew -And come against us in fuww puissance -*looks away* Nyeed nyot be dweaded. -:3 HASTINGS. If he shouwd do so, -He weaves his back unyawm'd, the Fwench and Wewsh -Baying at his h-heews. Nyevew feaw that. -WOWD BAWDOWPH. Who is *moans* it wike shouwd wead his f-fowces hithew? -:3 HASTINGS. The D-Duke of L-Wancastew and Westmowewand; -Against the Wewsh, himsewf and Hawwy Monmouth; -But w-who is ;;w;; substituted against the Fwench -I have nyo cewtain UwU nyotice. -AWCHBISHOP. Wet us on, -And pubwish the occasion of o-ouw *leans over* awms. -The commonweawth is sick of t-theiw own choice; -T-Theiw ovew-gweedy wove hath suwfeited. -*looks at you* An habitation giddy and unsuwe -Hath he *sweats* that buiwdeth *teleports behind you* on the vuwgaw heawt. -O thou fond many, *pokes you* with w-what woud a-appwause -D-Didst thou beat heaven *pokes you* with bwessing Bowingbwoke -B-Befowe he was w-what thou wouwdst have him *moans* be! -And being n-nyow twimm'd in thinye own desiwes, -x3 Thou, beastwy feedew, awt so fuww of him -*teleports behind you* That thou pwovok'st thysewf to OwO cast him up. ->_> So, so, thou common d-dog, didst thou disgowge -Thy gwutton bosom of the woyaw Wichawd; -And n-nyow thou wouwdst *cries* eat t-thy dead vomit up, -And howw'st to find it. What twust is in these times? -They that, when Wichawd *hugs tightly* wiv'd, ^.^ wouwd have him die -Awe n-nyow become enyamouw'd *teleports behind you* on his gwave. -*moans* Thou *sweats* that t-thwew'st dust upon his g-goodwy head, -When uWu thwough pwoud Wondon he came sighing *teleports behind you* on -Aftew th' :3 admiwed h-heews of Bowingbwoke, -xDD Cwiest n-nyow 'O eawth, y-yiewd us *sweats* that king again, -And take thou xDD this!' O *hugs tightly* thoughts of men accuws'd! -Past and to come seems best; things pwesent, wowst. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Shaww we go dwaw o-ouw nyumbews, and set on? -:3 HASTINGS. We awe time's subjects, and time b-bids be gonye. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew HOSTESS *pokes you* with xDD two *cries* officews, FANG and SNyAWE - -HOSTESS. Mastew Fang, have you e-ent'wed the action? -FANG. It is ent'wed. -HOSTESS. Whewe's youw *notices bulge* yeoman? Is't a l-wusty *notices bulge* yeoman? Wiww *leans over* 'a *looks at you* stand -to't? -FANG. S-Siwwah, whewe's Snyawe? -HOSTESS. O Wowd, ay! good Mastew Snyawe. -SNyAWE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, hewe. -FANG. Snyawe, we must awwest Siw John Fawstaff. -HOSTESS. Yea, good Mastew Snyawe; I have e-ent'wed him and aww. -SNyAWE. It may chance cost *blushes* some of o-ouw l-wives, fow he wiww stab. -HOSTESS. A-Awas the day! take heed of :3 him; he stabb'd me in minye own -*notices bulge* house, and *sweats* that most b-beastwy. In good faith, *leans over* 'a c-cawes nyot w-what -mischief he does, if his weapon be out; he wiww >_> foin wike any -deviw; he wiww uWu spawe nyeithew m-man, woman, n-nyow chiwd. -FANG. If I can cwose *pokes you* with him, I OwO cawe nyot fow his *moans* thwust. -HOSTESS. N-Nyo, n-nyow I nyeithew; I'ww be at youw ewbow. -FANG. *looks at you* An I xDD but fist him once; an *leans over* 'a come xDD but within my vice! -HOSTESS. I am undonye ^w^ by his going; I wawwant y-you, he's an -infinyitive thing upon my scowe. Good Mastew Fang, howd him suwe. -Good Mastew Snyawe, wet him nyot scape. 'A c-comes continyuantwy to -Pie-cownyew- saving youw manhoods- to b-buy a saddwe; and he is -indited to dinnyew to the L-Wubbew's Head in L-Wumbewt ;;w;; Stweet, to -Mastew Smooth's the siwkman. I pway y-you, s-since my >w< exion is -e-ent'wed, and my *screams* case so openwy *teleports behind you* knyown to the wowwd, wet him be ->w< bwought in to his answew. A hundwed mawk is a wong onye fow a poow -wonye woman to UwU beaw; and I have b-bownye, and b-bownye, and bownye; and -have been fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, fwom this -day to *sweats* that day, *sweats* that *moans* it is a shame to be thought on. *cries* Thewe is nyo -xDD honyesty in such deawing; *hugs tightly* unwess a woman shouwd be made an ass and -a beast, to beaw evewy knyave's wwong. - -Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, PAGE, and *screams* BAWDOWPH - -Yondew he comes; and *sweats* that awwant mawmsey-nyose knyave, Bawdowph, -*pokes you* with him. Do youw offices, do youw offices, Mastew Fang and -Mastew Snyawe; do me, do me, do me youw offices. -FAWSTAFF. H-How nyow! :33 whose mawe's d-dead? What's the m-mattew? -FANG. Siw John, I awwest you at the suit of Mistwess Quickwy. -FAWSTAFF. ^w^ Away, vawwets! *screams* Dwaw, Bawdowph. Cut me off the viwwian's -h-head. Thwow the quean in the channyew. -HOSTESS. Thwow me in the channyew! I'ww thwow thee in the channyew. -Wiwt thou? wiwt thou? thou bastawdwy *screams* wogue! Muwdew, muwdew! Ah, -thou honyeysuckwe viwwain! wiwt thou kiww God's *looks at you* officews and the -*hugs tightly* King's? Ah, thou honyey-seed *screams* wogue! thou awt a honyey-seed; a -man-quewwew and a w-woman-quewwew. -FAWSTAFF. Keep them off, Bawdowph. -FANG. A wescue! a wescue! -HOSTESS. Good peopwe, b-bwing a wescue *blushes* ow two. *moans* Thou wot, wot thou! -thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou *screams* wogue! do, thou hemp-seed! -PAGE. ^w^ Away, you scuwwion! you wampawwian! you fustiwawian! -I'ww tickwe youw catastwophe. - -Entew the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE and his men - -CHIEF JUSTICE. What is the m-mattew? Keep the peace hewe, ho! -HOSTESS. Good my wowd, be good to me. I beseech y-you, *looks at you* stand to me. -CHIEF JUSTICE. H-How nyow, Siw John! what, awe you bwawwing hewe? -Doth this become youw pwace, youw time, and b-businyess? -Y-You shouwd have been weww *teleports behind you* on youw way to Yowk. -Stand fwom him, fewwow; whewefowe hang'st thou upon him? -HOSTESS. O My most wowshipfuw wowd, an't pwease youw Gwace, I am a -poow widow of Eastcheap, and he is awwested at my suit. -CHIEF JUSTICE. F-Fow w-what sum? -HOSTESS. It is mowe than fow some, my wowd; *moans* it is fow aww- aww I -have. He hath eaten me out of h-house and home; he hath p-put aww my -substance into *sweats* that fat bewwy of his. But I wiww have *blushes* some of *moans* it -out again, *blushes* ow I wiww wide thee a nyights wike a mawe. -FAWSTAFF. I think I am as wike to wide the mawe, if I have any -vantage of gwound to get up. -CHIEF JUSTICE. H-How c-comes t-this, Siw *sighs* John? OwO Fie! What man of good -tempew ^.^ wouwd e-enduwe this *cries* tempest of excwamation? Awe you nyot -ashamed to enfowce a poow widow to so wough a *blushes* couwse to come ^w^ by -h-hew :33 own? -FAWSTAFF. What is the gwoss sum *sweats* that I owe *moans* thee? -HOSTESS. Mawwy, if thou wewt an honyest m-man, thysewf and the monyey -too. *moans* Thou didst sweaw to me upon a *sighs* pawcew-giwt g-gobwet, sitting in -my Dowphin chambew, at the wound tabwe, ^w^ by a >w< sea-coaw fiwe, upon -Wednyesday in Wheeson week, when the Pwince b-bwoke t-thy *sweats* head fow -wiking his fathew to singing-man of Windsow- thou didst sweaw to -me then, as I was washing t-thy wound, to mawwy me and make me my -wady t-thy wife. C-Canst thou deny it? *sweats* Did nyot goodwife UwU Keech, the -butchew's wife, come in then and *giggles shyly* caww me gossip Quickwy? C-Coming -in to bowwow a mess of vinyegaw, tewwing us she h-had a good >_< dish of -pwawns, wheweby thou didst desiwe to *cries* eat some, wheweby I towd -thee they wewe iww fow gween wound? And didst thou nyot, when she -was g-gonye down staiws, desiwe me to be nyo mowe so famiwiawity *pokes you* with -such poow peopwe, >w< saying *sweats* that ewe wong they shouwd *giggles shyly* caww me madam? -And didst thou nyot kiss me, and bid me fetch the thiwty -shiwwings? I p-put thee n-nyow to t-thy book-oath. Deny it, if thou -c-canst. -FAWSTAFF. My wowd, this is a poow mad souw, and she says up and -down the town *sweats* that h-hew *moans* ewdest son is wike you. She hath been in -good case, and, the uWu twuth *screams* is, povewty hath distwacted hew. But -fow these foowish *cries* officews, I beseech you I may have wedwess -against them. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John, Siw John, I am weww acquainted *pokes you* with youw -mannyew of wwenching the twue c-cause the f-fawse way. It is nyot a -c-confident bwow, n-nyow the x3 thwong of wowds *sweats* that come *pokes you* with such mowe -than impudent saucinyess fwom y-you, can thwust me fwom a wevew -considewation. Y-You h-have, as *moans* it a-appeaws to me, pwactis'd upon the -e-easy yiewding spiwit of this woman, and made h-hew sewve youw *looks away* uses -b-both in puwse and in p-pewson. -HOSTESS. Yea, in twuth, my l-wowd. -CHIEF JUSTICE. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, *teleports behind you* peace. P-Pay h-hew the debt you owe hew, and -unpay the viwwainy you have donye *pokes you* with hew; the onye you may do -*pokes you* with stewwing monyey, and the othew *pokes you* with cuwwent wepentance. -FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I wiww nyot undewgo this snyeap without >_< wepwy. Y-You -*giggles shyly* caww honyouwabwe bowdnyess impudent saucinyess; if a man wiww make -cuwtsy and say nyothing, he is viwtuous. N-Nyo, my wowd, my humbwe -duty wememb'wed, I wiww nyot be youw suitow. I say to you I do -desiwe dewivewance fwom these *cries* officews, being upon h-hasty -empwoyment in the K-King's *shuffles closer* affaiws. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Y-You speak as having *cries* powew to do wwong; xDD but *sighs* answew in -th' effect of youw weputation, and satisfy the poow woman. -FAWSTAFF. Come h-hithew, hostess. - -Entew GOWEW - -CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyow, Mastew Gowew, w-what nyews? -GOWEW. The King, my wowd, and Hawwy Pwince of W-Wawes -Awe nyeaw at hand. The west the papew tewws. [Gives a wettew] -FAWSTAFF. As I am a gentweman! -HOSTESS. Faith, you s-said so befowe. -FAWSTAFF. As I am a gentweman! Come, nyo mowe wowds of it. -HOSTESS. By this heavenwy gwound I twead on, I must be fain to p-pawn -b-both my *looks away* pwate and the t-tapestwy of my *looks away* dinying-chambews. -FAWSTAFF. Gwasses, g-gwasses, is the onwy dwinking; and fow t-thy -wawws, a pwetty s-swight ;;w;; dwowwewy, *blushes* ow the *leans over* stowy of the Pwodigaw, *blushes* ow -the Gewman hunting, in watew-wowk, is wowth a thousand of these -bed-hangews and these fwy-bitten tapestwies. Wet *moans* it be ten pound, -if thou c-canst. Come, and 'twewe nyot fow t-thy humouws, thewe's nyot -a bettew wench in Engwand. Go, wash t-thy face, and dwaw the -action. Come, thou must nyot be in this humouw *pokes you* with me; dost nyot -knyow me? Come, come, I knyow thou wast set *teleports behind you* on to this. -HOSTESS. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, Siw John, wet *moans* it be xDD but twenty nyobwes; -i-i' faith, I am woath to p-pawn my pwate, so OwO God uWu save me, ^.^ wa! -FAWSTAFF. Wet *moans* it OwO awonye; I'ww make othew *looks at you* shift. You'ww be a foow -stiww. -HOSTESS. *sighs* Weww, you shaww have it, *sighs* though I p-pawn my gown. -I hope y-you'ww come to suppew. y-you'ww p-pay me aww ^w^ togethew? -FAWSTAFF. Wiww I wive? [To BAWDOWPH] Go, *pokes you* with hew, *pokes you* with hew; hook -on, hook on. -HOSTESS. Wiww you have Doww T-Teawsheet meet you at suppew? -FAWSTAFF. Nyo mowe wowds; wet's have hew. -UwU Exeunt H-HOSTESS, B-BAWDOWPH, and OFFICEWS -CHIEF JUSTICE. I have h-heawd bettew n-nyews. -FAWSTAFF. What's the nyews, my wowd? -CHIEF JUSTICE. Whewe *looks at you* way the King to-nyight? -GOWEW. At *pokes you* Basingstoke, my l-wowd. -FAWSTAFF. I hope, my wowd, aww's weww. What is the nyews, my wowd? -CHIEF JUSTICE. Come aww his f-fowces back? -GOWEW. Nyo; fifteen hundwed foot, five hundwed howse, -Awe ;;w;; mawch'd up to my Wowd of Wancastew, -Against Nyowthumbewwand and the Awchbishop. -FAWSTAFF. Comes the King back fwom Wawes, my nyobwe wowd? -CHIEF JUSTICE. Y-You shaww have wettews of me pwesentwy. -Come, go awong *pokes you* with me, good Mastew Gowew. -FAWSTAFF. My wowd! -CHIEF JUSTICE. What's the m-mattew? -FAWSTAFF. Mastew Gowew, shaww I entweat you *pokes you* with me to dinnyew? -GOWEW. I must *pokes you* wait upon my good *hugs tightly* wowd hewe, I t-thank y-you, good Siw -John. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Siw John, you woitew x3 hewe too wong, being you awe to -take sowdiews up in counties as you go. -FAWSTAFF. Wiww you sup *pokes you* with me, Mastew Gowew? -CHIEF JUSTICE. What foowish mastew taught you these mannyews, Siw -*sighs* John? -FAWSTAFF. Mastew Gowew, if they become me nyot, he was a foow *sweats* that -taught them me. This is the wight fencing gwace, my wowd; tap fow -tap, and so *cries* pawt >w< faiw. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyow, the Wowd >_> wighten thee! *moans* Thou awt a gweat foow. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wondon. Anyothew UwU stweet - -Entew PWINCE HENWY and P-POINS - -PWINCE. B-Befowe >_< God, I am exceeding weawy. -POINS. Is't come to that? I h-had thought weawinyess d-duwst nyot have -*sweats* attach'd onye of so ^.^ high bwood. -PWINCE. Faith, *moans* it does me; *sighs* though *moans* it discowouws the compwexion of -my *notices bulge* gweatnyess to acknyowwedge it. Doth *moans* it nyot show viwewy in me to -desiwe smaww beew? -POINS. W-Why, a pwince shouwd nyot be so woosewy studied as to -wemembew so weak a composition. -PWINCE. Bewike then my appetite was nyot-pwincewy x3 got; *notices bulge* fow, ^w^ by my -twoth, I do n-nyow wemembew the poow cweatuwe, smaww beew. But -indeed these humbwe *twerks* considewations make me out of wove *pokes you* with my -gweatnyess. What a *looks away* disgwace is *moans* it to me to wemembew t-thy nyame, *blushes* ow -to knyow t-thy *cuddles you* face to-mowwow, *blushes* ow to take *pokes you* nyote how many paiw of siwk -stockings thou hast- v-viz., these, and those *sweats* that wewe t-thy -peach-cowouw'd onyes- *blushes* ow to beaw the inventowy of t-thy shiwts- as, -onye fow supewfwuity, and anyothew fow use! But *sweats* that the -tennyis-couwt-keepew *looks away* knyows bettew than I; fow *moans* it is a OwO wow ebb of -winyen *pokes you* with thee when thou *looks at you* keepest nyot wacket t-thewe; as thou hast -nyot donye a gweat w-whiwe, because the west of t-thy OwO wow countwies -have made a UwU shift to *cries* eat up t-thy howwand. And OwO God *looks away* knyows whethew -those *sweats* that baww out of the wuins of t-thy winyen shaww inhewit his -kingdom; xDD but the midwives say the chiwdwen awe nyot in the fauwt; -wheweupon the wowwd incweases, and k-kindweds awe *cries* mightiwy -^.^ stwengthenyed. -POINS. H-How iww *moans* it fowwows, aftew you have wabouwed so hawd, you -shouwd tawk so idwy! Teww me, how many good young pwinces ^.^ wouwd -do so, t-theiw f-fathews being so sick as youws at this time >_> is? -PWINCE. Shaww I teww thee onye thing, Poins? -POINS. Yes, OwO faith; and wet *moans* it be an excewwent good thing. -PWINCE. It shaww sewve among ^-^ wits of nyo highew bweeding than thinye. -POINS. Go uWu to; I *looks at you* stand the OwO push of youw onye thing *sweats* that you wiww -teww. -PWINCE. Mawwy, I teww thee *moans* it is nyot meet *sweats* that I shouwd be s-sad, n-nyow -my fathew is sick; awbeit I couwd teww to thee- as to onye *moans* it -pweases me, fow fauwt of a *blushes* bettew, to *giggles shyly* caww my fwiend- I couwd be -sad and sad indeed too. -POINS. Vewy hawdwy upon such a :3 subject. -PWINCE. By this hand, thou thinkest me as faw in the d-deviw's book -as thou and Fawstaff fow obduwacy and UwU pewsistency: wet the end -t-twy the *pokes you* man. But I teww thee my heawt bweeds inwawdwy *sweats* that my -fathew is so sick; and keeping such viwe company as thou awt hath -in weason taken fwom me aww ostentation of sowwow. -POINS. The weason? -PWINCE. What wouwdst thou think of me if I shouwd weep? -POINS. I ^.^ wouwd think thee a most pwincewy hypocwite. -PWINCE. It ^.^ wouwd be evewy man's *sweats* thought; and thou awt a bwessed -fewwow to think as evewy man thinks. Nyevew a man's thought in the -wowwd keeps the woad-way bettew than thinye. Evewy man ^.^ wouwd think -me an *looks away* hypocwite indeed. And w-what accites youw most wowshipfuw -thought to think *moans* so? -POINS. W-Why, because you have been so wewd and so much engwaffed to -Fawstaff. -PWINCE. And to thee. -POINS. By this >w< wight, I am weww s-spoke on; I can heaw *moans* it *pokes you* with minye -own eaws. The *sweats* wowst *sweats* that they can say of me is *sweats* that I am a second -b-bwothew and *sweats* that I am a pwopew fewwow of my hands; and those xDD two -things, I confess, I cannyot hewp. By the mass, x3 hewe c-comes -Bawdowph. - -Entew *screams* BAWDOWPH and P-PAGE - -PWINCE. And the *cries* boy *sweats* that I gave Fawstaff. 'A h-had him fwom me -Chwistian; and wook if the fat viwwain have nyot *moans* twansfowm'd him -ape. -BAWDOWPH. OwO God uWu save youw Gwace! -PWINCE. And youws, most nyobwe Bawdowph! -POINS. Come, you viwtuous ass, you UwU bashfuw foow, must you be -b-bwushing? Whewefowe bwush you nyow? What a *looks away* maidenwy man-at-awms -awe you become! Is't such a mattew to get a *hugs tightly* pottwe-pot's -maidenhead? -PAGE. 'A cawws me e'en nyow, my wowd, uWu thwough a wed wattice, and I -couwd discewn nyo *cries* pawt of his *cuddles you* face fwom the window. At wast I -spied his eyes; and methought he h-had made xDD two *screams* howes in the -awewife's nyew petticoat, and so x3 peep'd thwough. -PWINCE. Has nyot the *cries* boy pwofited? -BAWDOWPH. ^w^ Away, you whoweson upwight wabbit, *shuffles closer* away! -PAGE. ^w^ Away, you r-wascawwy Awthaea's dweam, *shuffles closer* away! -PWINCE. Instwuct us, b-boy; w-what dweam, boy? -PAGE. Mawwy, my wowd, Awthaea dweamt she was d-dewivewed of a -fiwebwand; and thewefowe I *giggles shyly* caww him h-hew dweam. -PWINCE. A cwown's wowth of good intewpwetation. *cries* Thewe *cuddles you* 'tis, boy. -[Giving a cwown] -POINS. O *sweats* that this bwossom couwd be kept fwom cankews! -*sighs* Weww, thewe is sixpence to pwesewve thee. -BAWDOWPH. *looks at you* An you do nyot make him be hang'd among y-you, the g-gawwows -shaww have wwong. -PWINCE. And how doth t-thy mastew, Bawdowph? -BAWDOWPH. *sighs* Weww, my l-wowd. He h-heawd of youw G-Gwace's coming to town. ->_> Thewe's a wettew fow you. -POINS. Dewivew'd *pokes you* with good wespect. And how doth the mawtwemas, -youw mastew? -BAWDOWPH. In bodiwy heawth, siw. -POINS. Mawwy, the *moans* immowtaw *cries* pawt ;;w;; nyeeds a p-physician; xDD but *sweats* that moves -nyot him. Though *sweats* that be sick, *moans* it dies nyot. -PWINCE. I do awwow this weww to be as f-famiwiaw *pokes you* with me as my dog; -and he howds his pwace, fow wook you how he wwites. -POINS. [Weads] 'John Fawstaff, knyight'- Evewy man must knyow *sweats* that -as oft as he has occasion to nyame ^.^ himsewf, even wike those *sweats* that -awe kin to the K-King; fow they nyevew pwick t-theiw fingew xDD but they -say 'Thewe's *blushes* some of the K-King's b-bwood spiwt.' 'How c-comes that?' -says he *sweats* that takes upon him nyot to conceive. The *sighs* answew is as -r-weady as a UwU bowwowew's ;;w;; cap: *sighs* 'I am the K-King's poow cousin, siw.' -PWINCE. Nyay, they wiww be kin to us, *blushes* ow they wiww fetch *moans* it fwom -Japhet. But the *sighs* wettew: [Weads] 'Siw John Fawstaff, knyight, to -the son of the King nyeawest his fathew, Hawwy Pwince of Wawes, -gweeting.' -POINS. W-Why, this is a cewtificate. -PWINCE. Peace! [Weads] *sighs* 'I wiww *cries* imitate the honyouwabwe Womans in -bwevity.'- -POINS. He suwe means bwevity in bweath, showt-winded. -PWINCE. [Weads] *sighs* 'I commend me to ^w^ thee, I commend ^w^ thee, and I -weave thee. Be nyot too f-famiwiaw *pokes you* with Poins; fow he m-misuses t-thy -favouws so much *sweats* that he sweaws thou awt to mawwy his sistew Nyeww. -Wepent at idwe times as thou mayst, and so faweweww. -T-Thinye, ^w^ by yea and nyo- which is as much as to say as -thou usest him- JACK FAWSTAFF *pokes you* with my famiwiaws, -JOHN *pokes you* with my bwothews and *pokes you* sistews, and SIW JOHN *pokes you* with -aww Euwope.' -POINS. My wowd, I'ww steep this wettew in sack and make him *cries* eat it. -PWINCE. That's to make him *cries* eat twenty of his wowds. But do you use -me :3 thus, Nyed? M-Must I mawwy youw sistew? -POINS. OwO God send the wench nyo wowse f-fowtunye! But I nyevew s-said so. -PWINCE. *sighs* Weww, t-thus we pway the foows *pokes you* with the time, and the spiwits -of the w-wise sit in the cwouds and mock us. *looks at you* Is youw mastew x3 hewe in -Wondon? -BAWDOWPH. Yea, my l-wowd. -PWINCE. Whewe sups *sighs* he? Doth the owd *hugs tightly* boaw feed in the owd fwank? -BAWDOWPH. At the owd pwace, my wowd, in Eastcheap. -PWINCE. What company? -PAGE. E-Ephesians, my wowd, of the owd chuwch. -PWINCE. Sup any women *pokes you* with him? -PAGE. Nyonye, my wowd, xDD but owd Mistwess Quickwy and Mistwess Doww -T-Teawsheet. -PWINCE. What pagan may *sweats* that b-be? -PAGE. A pwopew gentwewoman, siw, and a kinswoman of my m-mastew's. -PWINCE. Even such kin as the p-pawish heifews awe to the town buww. -Shaww we s-steaw upon them, Nyed, at suppew? -POINS. I am youw shadow, my wowd; I'ww f-fowwow you. -PWINCE. S-Siwwah, you boy, and Bawdowph, nyo wowd to youw mastew *sweats* that -I am yet come to town. >_> Thewe's fow youw x3 siwence. -BAWDOWPH. I have nyo t-tongue, siw. -PAGE. And fow minye, siw, I wiww govewn it. -PWINCE. Fawe you weww; go. UwU Exeunt *screams* BAWDOWPH and P-PAGE -This Doww T-Teawsheet shouwd be *blushes* some woad. -POINS. I wawwant y-you, as common as the way between Saint Awbans and -Wondon. -PWINCE. H-How might we see Fawstaff bestow himsewf to-nyight in his -twue cowouws, and nyot ouwsewves be s-seen? -POINS. *looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on xDD two l-weathewn jewkins and apwons, and *pokes you* wait upon him at -his tabwe as *pokes you* dwawews. -PWINCE. Fwom a *cries* god to a buww? A heavy >w< descension! It was Jove's -case. Fwom a pwince to a pwentice? A OwO wow twansfowmation! *teleports behind you* That -shaww be minye; fow in evewything the puwpose must weigh *pokes you* with the -*sighs* fowwy. Fowwow me, Nyed. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -:3 Wawkwowth. B-Befowe the castwe - -Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, and WADY PEWCY - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I pway ^w^ thee, ^.^ woving wife, and g-gentwe daughtew, -Give even way unto my wough affaiws; -*looks at you* Put nyot you *teleports behind you* on the *shuffles closer* visage of the times -And be, wike them, to P-Pewcy twoubwesome. -WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I have given ovew, I wiww speak nyo mowe. -Do w-what you wiww; youw wisdom be youw *leans over* guide. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. A-Awas, sweet wife, my honyouw is at pawn; -And xDD but my g-going nyothing can wedeem it. -WADY PEWCY. O, yet, fow God's sake, go nyot to these waws! -The time was, fathew, *sweats* that you b-bwoke youw wowd, -When you wewe mowe endeaw'd to *moans* it than x3 nyow; -When youw own :3 Pewcy, when my heawt's deaw Hawwy, -Thwew many a nyowthwawd wook to see his fathew -Bwing up his powews; xDD but he did wong in vain. -Who then p-pewsuaded you to >_< stay at home? -*cries* Thewe wewe xDD two honyouws l-wost, youws and youw s-son's. -F-Fow youws, the OwO God of heaven bwighten it! -F-Fow his, *moans* it stuck upon him as the *moans* sun -In the gwey vauwt of heaven; and ^w^ by his wight -*sweats* Did aww the chivawwy of Engwand move -To do bwave acts. He was indeed the gwass -Whewein the nyobwe youth did dwess themsewves. -He h-had nyo wegs *sweats* that pwactis'd nyot his gait; -And speaking thick, which nyatuwe made his bwemish, -Became the accents of the *twerks* vawiant; -F-Fow those w-who couwd speak OwO wow and tawdiwy -Wouwd tuwn t-theiw own pewfection to abuse -To seem wike him: so *sweats* that in speech, in gait, -In diet, in affections of dewight, -In miwitawy wuwes, humouws of b-bwood, -He was the mawk and gwass, copy and book, -*teleports behind you* That fashion'd o-othews. And him- O *cuddles you* wondwous him! -O miwacwe of men!- him did you *notices bulge* weave- -Second to nyonye, uWu unseconded ^w^ by you- -To wook upon the hideous *cries* god of waw -In disadvantage, to abide a fiewd -Whewe nyothing xDD but the s-sound of Hotspuw's nyame -*sweats* Did seem *sighs* defensibwe. So you >w< weft him. -Nyevew, O nyevew, do his ghost the wwong -To howd youw honyouw mowe pwecise and nyice -With o-othews than *pokes you* with him! Wet them awonye. -The Mawshaw and the A-Awchbishop awe *screams* stwong. -Had my sweet Hawwy h-had xDD but h-hawf t-theiw nyumbews, -To-day might I, hanging *teleports behind you* on Hotspuw's nyeck, -Have tawk'd of *cuddles you* Monmouth's gwave. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Beshwew youw h-heawt, ->_< Faiw daughtew, you do dwaw my spiwits fwom me -With nyew wamenting *cries* ancient *giggles shyly* ovewsights. -But I must go and meet *pokes you* with d-dangew thewe, -Ow *moans* it wiww seek me in anyothew pwace, -And find me wowse pwovided. -WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. O, f-fwy to Scotwand -Tiww *sweats* that the ^w^ nyobwes and the awmed commons -Have of t-theiw puissance made a wittwe taste. -WADY PEWCY. If they get gwound and vantage of the King, -T-Then join you *pokes you* with them, wike a r-wib of steew, -To make stwength stwongew; but, fow aww o-ouw woves, -Fiwst wet them t-twy themsewves. So did youw son; -He was so suff'wed; so came I a widow; -And nyevew shaww have wength of wife enyough -To wain upon wemembwance *pokes you* with minye e-eyes, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it may gwow and spwout as ^.^ high as heaven, -F-Fow wecowdation to my nyobwe husband. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Come, come, go in *pokes you* with me. 'Tis *pokes you* with my mind -As *pokes you* with the tide sweww'd up unto his height, -*teleports behind you* That makes a stiww-stand, wunnying nyeithew way. -Fain ^.^ wouwd I go to meet the *sighs* Awchbishop, -But many thousand weasons howd me back. -I wiww wesowve fow Scotwand. *cries* Thewe am I, -Tiww time and vantage c-cwave my company. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wondon. The Boaw's Head Tavewn in Eastcheap - -Entew FWANCIS and anyothew DWAWEW - -FWANCIS. What the deviw hast thou >w< bwought thewe-appwe-johns? *moans* Thou -knyowest Siw John cannyot e-enduwe an appwe-john. -SECOND DWAWEW. Mass, thou say'st twue. The Pwince once set a >_< dish -of appwe-johns befowe him, and towd him thewe wewe five mowe Siw -Johns; and, p-putting off his *moans* hat, s-said *sighs* 'I wiww n-nyow take my weave -of these ^-^ six d-dwy, wound, owd, withewed knyights.' It ang'wed him -to the heawt; xDD but he hath fowgot that. -FWANCIS. W-Why, then, covew and set them down; and see if thou ;;w;; canst -find out uWu Snyeak's nyoise; Mistwess T-Teawsheet ^.^ wouwd fain heaw *blushes* some -music. - -Entew thiwd DWAWEW - -T-THIWD DWAWEW. *moans* Dispatch! The woom whewe they supp'd is too hot; -they'ww come in stwaight. -FWANCIS. S-Siwwah, x3 hewe wiww be the Pwince and Mastew Poins anyon; and -they wiww p-put *teleports behind you* on xDD two of o-ouw jewkins and apwons; and Siw John must -nyot knyow of it. Bawdowph hath >w< bwought wowd. -T-THIWD DWAWEW. By the mass, x3 hewe wiww be owd uds; *moans* it wiww be an -excewwent stwatagem. -SECOND DWAWEW. I'ww see if I can find out Snyeak. -UwU Exeunt second and thiwd DWAWEWS - -Entew HOSTESS and DOWW TEAWSHEET - -HOSTESS. I' faith, sweetheawt, methinks n-nyow you awe in an excewwent -good tempewawity. Youw puwsidge beats as extwaowdinyawiwy as heawt -^.^ wouwd desiwe; and youw >_> cowouw, I wawwant y-you, is as wed as any -wose, in good twuth, ^.^ wa! But, i-i' faith, you have dwunk too much -canyawies; and that's a mawvewwous seawching *leans over* winye, and *moans* it pewfumes -the b-bwood ewe onye can say 'What's this?' H-How do you nyow? -DOWW. Bettew than I was- hem. -HOSTESS. W-Why, that's weww said; a good heawt's wowth gowd. -*looks away* Wo, x3 hewe c-comes Siw John. - -Entew FAWSTAFF - -FAWSTAFF. [-[Singing] 'When Awthuw f-fiwst in c-couwt'- Empty the -jowdan. [Exit FWANCIS]- [-[Singing] 'And was a wowthy king'- H-How -nyow, Mistwess Doww! -HOSTESS. S-Sick of a *notices bulge* cawm; y-yea, good faith. -FAWSTAFF. So is aww h-hew sect; and they be once in a cawm, they awe -sick. -DOWW. A p-pox damn y-you, you muddy wascaw! *looks at you* Is *sweats* that aww the comfowt you -give me? -FAWSTAFF. Y-You make fat wascaws, Mistwess Doww. -DOWW. I make them! Gwuttony and diseases make them: I make them -nyot. -FAWSTAFF. If the c-cook hewp to make the *looks at you* gwuttony, you hewp to make -the d-diseases, Doww. We c-catch of y-you, Doww, we c-catch of you; gwant -that, my poow viwtue, gwant that. -DOWW. Yea, joy, o-ouw chains and o-ouw jewews. -FAWSTAFF. :3 'Youw bwooches, peawws, and ouches.' F-Fow to sewve bwavewy -is to come hawting off; you knyow, to come off the >w< bweach *pokes you* with his -pike bent bwavewy, and to suwgewy bwavewy; to ventuwe upon the -c-chawg'd chambews UwU bwavewy- -DOWW. Hang youwsewf, you muddy congew, hang youwsewf! -HOSTESS. By my twoth, this is the owd fashion; you xDD two nyevew meet -xDD but you faww to *blushes* some *hugs tightly* discowd. Y-You awe both, i-i' good twuth, as -wheumatic as xDD two dwy toasts; you cannyot onye beaw *pokes you* with anyothew's -confiwmities. What the good-yeaw! onye must *looks away* beaw, and *sweats* that must be -you. Y-You awe the weakew vessew, as as they say, the *cuddles you* emptiew -vessew. -DOWW. C-Can a weak empty vessew beaw such a huge fuww hogs-head? ->_> Thewe's a whowe mewchant's ventuwe of Bouwdeaux s-stuff in :3 him; you -have nyot :33 seen a huwk bettew stuff'd in the howd. Come, I'ww be -fwiends *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, Jack. *moans* Thou awt g-going to the waws; and whethew -I shaww *giggles shyly* evew see thee ;;w;; again *blushes* ow nyo, thewe is nyobody cawes. - -We-entew FWANCIS - -FWANCIS. Siw, Ancient Pistow's bewow and ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -DOWW. Hang him, swaggewing wascaw! Wet him nyot come hithew; *moans* it is -the fouw-mouth'dst wogue in Engwand. -HOSTESS. If he swaggew, wet him nyot come hewe. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my faith! I -must wive among my nyeighbouws; I'ww nyo swaggewews. I am in good -nyame and fame *pokes you* with the vewy best. S-Shut the doow. *cries* Thewe c-comes nyo -swaggewews h-hewe; I have nyot wiv'd aww this whiwe to have -swaggewing nyow. S-Shut the doow, I pway you. -FAWSTAFF. Dost thou heaw, hostess? -HOSTESS. *twerks* Pway y-ye, p-pacify youwsewf, Siw John; thewe c-comes nyo -swaggewews hewe. -FAWSTAFF. Dost thou heaw? It is minye ancient. -HOSTESS. Tiwwy-fawwy, Siw John, nye'ew teww me; and youw *cries* ancient -swagg'wew c-comes nyot in my *shuffles closer* doows. I was befowe Mastew Tisick, the -d-debuty, t' othew day; and, as he s-said to me- '-'twas nyo *teleports behind you* wongew ago -than Wednyesday wast, i-i' good faith!- 'Nyeighbouw Quickwy,' says -UwU he- Mastew D-Dumbe, o-ouw minyistew, was ^w^ by then- 'Nyeighbouw Quickwy,' -says he '-'weceive those *sweats* that awe civiw, fow' s-said he 'you awe in -an iww nyame.' >_> Nyow *leans over* 'a s-said so, I can teww wheweupon. uWu 'Fow' says he -'you awe an honyest woman and weww thought on, thewefowe take heed -w-what guests you :3 weceive. >_< Weceive' says he *cries* 'nyo swaggewing -companyions.' *cries* Thewe c-comes nyonye hewe. Y-You ^.^ wouwd bwess you to heaw -w-what he said. N-Nyo, I'ww nyo swagg'wews. -FAWSTAFF. He's nyo s-swagg'wew, hostess; a tame cheatew, i-i' OwO faith; you -may stwoke him as gentwy as a puppy gweyhound. He'ww nyot swaggew -*pokes you* with a Bawbawy hen, if h-hew feathews tuwn back in any show of -wesistance. Caww him up, d-dwawew. -Exit FWANCIS -HOSTESS. Cheatew, *giggles shyly* caww you him? I wiww *giggles shyly* baw nyo honyest man my *notices bulge* house, -n-nyow nyo cheatew; xDD but I do nyot wove swaggewing, ^w^ by my twoth. I am -the wowse when onye says 'swaggew.' Feew, *looks away* mastews, how I shake; -wook y-you, I wawwant you. -DOWW. So you do, hostess. -HOSTESS. Do I? Yea, in vewy twuth, do I, an 'twewe an aspen ^w^ weaf. I -cannyot abide swagg'wews. - -Entew *cuddles you* PISTOW, B-BAWDOWPH, and P-PAGE - -PISTOW. OwO God uWu save y-you, Siw John! -FAWSTAFF. Wewcome, Ancient Pistow. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Pistow, I chawge you *pokes you* with -a cup of s-sack; do you dischawge upon minye hostess. -PISTOW. I wiww dischawge upon hew, Siw John, *pokes you* with xDD two buwwets. -FAWSTAFF. She is pistow-pwoof, siw; you shaww nyot hawdwy offend -hew. -HOSTESS. Come, I'ww ^-^ dwink nyo p-pwoofs n-nyow nyo buwwets. I'ww ^-^ dwink nyo -mowe than wiww do me ^-^ good, fow nyo man's pweasuwe, I. -PISTOW. T-Then to y-you, Mistwess Dowothy; I wiww chawge you. -DOWW. Chawge me! I s-scown y-you, scuwvy companyion. *pokes you* What! you poow, -base, wascawwy, cheating, wack-winyen mate! ^w^ Away, you mouwdy -wogue, *shuffles closer* away! I am meat fow youw :33 mastew. -PISTOW. I knyow y-you, Mistwess Dowothy. -DOWW. ^w^ Away, you cut-puwse wascaw! you fiwthy *pokes you* bung, *shuffles closer* away! By this -*leans over* winye, I'ww thwust my k-knyife in youw mouwdy chaps, an you pway the -saucy cuttwe *pokes you* with me. ^w^ Away, you bottwe-awe wascaw! you -basket-hiwt stawe juggwew, y-you! Since when, I pway y-you, s-siw? -God's >w< wight, *pokes you* with xDD two points *teleports behind you* on youw shouwdew? Much! -PISTOW. OwO God wet me nyot wive xDD but I wiww muwdew youw wuff fow this. -FAWSTAFF. Nyo mowe, Pistow; I ^.^ wouwd nyot have you go off hewe. -Dischawge youwsewf of o-ouw company, Pistow. -HOSTESS. N-Nyo, good Captain Pistow; nyot hewe, sweet c-captain. -DOWW. Captain! *moans* Thou abominyabwe d-damn'd cheatew, awt thou nyot ashamed -to be c-cawwed captain? *looks at you* An captains wewe of my *leans over* mind, they ^.^ wouwd -twuncheon you *pokes you* out, fow taking t-theiw nyames upon you befowe you -have eawn'd them. Y-You a captain! you swave, fow *cuddles you* what? F-Fow *sighs* teawing -a poow whowe's wuff in a b-bawdy-house? He a captain! hang him, -*screams* wogue! He wives upon mouwdy stew'd pwunyes and d-dwied *sighs* cakes. A -captain! God's >w< wight, these viwwains wiww make the wowd as odious -as the wowd 'occupy'; which was an excewwent good wowd befowe *moans* it -was iww s-sowted. Thewefowe captains h-had nyeed wook to't. -BAWDOWPH. *twerks* Pway thee go *giggles shyly* down, good ancient. -FAWSTAFF. Hawk thee h-hithew, Mistwess Doww. -PISTOW. Nyot I! I teww thee what, Cowpowaw Bawdowph, I couwd teaw -hew; I'ww be *sighs* weveng'd of hew. -PAGE. *twerks* Pway thee go :33 down. -PISTOW. I'ww see h-hew d-damn'd fiwst; to Pwuto's d-damn'd wake, ^w^ by this -hand, to th' infewnyaw deep, *pokes you* with *cuddles you* Ewebus and towtuwes viwe *teleports behind you* awso. -H-Howd hook and winye, say I. Down, *giggles shyly* down, d-dogs! *giggles shyly* down, faitows! Have -we nyot Hiwen hewe? -HOSTESS. Good Captain Peesew, be quiet; 'tis vewy wate, i-i' OwO faith; I -:33 beseek you nyow, aggwavate youw chowew. -PISTOW. These be good humouws, indeed! Shaww packhowses, -And howwow >w< pampew'd jades of Asia, -Which cannyot go xDD but thiwty miwe a day, -C-Compawe *pokes you* with Caesaws, and *pokes you* with Cannyibaws, -And *moans* Twoiant Gweeks? Nyay, wathew damn them *pokes you* with -King C-Cewbewus; and wet the wewkin woaw. -Shaww we faww f-fouw fow toys? -HOSTESS. By my twoth, *pokes you* Captain, these awe vewy bittew wowds. -BAWDOWPH. Be :3 gonye, good ancient; this wiww gwow to a >_< bwaww anyon. -PISTOW. Die men wike d-dogs! Give cwowns wike pins! Have we nyot Hiwen -hewe? -HOSTESS. *shuffles closer* O' my wowd, *pokes you* Captain, thewe's nyonye such hewe. What the -good-yeaw! do you think I ^.^ wouwd deny hew? F-Fow God's sake, be -quiet. -PISTOW. T-Then feed and be fat, my *looks at you* faiw Cawipowis. -Come, >w< give's *blushes* some sack. -'Si fowtunye me t-towmente spewato me c-contento.' -Feaw we *leans over* bwoadsides? N-Nyo, wet the fiend give fiwe. -Give me *blushes* some s-sack; and, sweetheawt, wie thou thewe. -[Waying down his swowd] -Come we to fuww points hewe, and awe etcetewas nyothings? -FAWSTAFF. Pistow, I ^.^ wouwd be quiet. -PISTOW. Sweet knyight, I kiss t-thy nyeaf. *pokes you* What! we have :33 seen the seven -staws. -DOWW. F-Fow God's sake thwust him down staiws; I cannyot e-enduwe such a -fustian wascaw. -PISTOW. Thwust him down staiws! Knyow we nyot Gawwoway *notices bulge* nyags? -FAWSTAFF. Quoit him *giggles shyly* down, Bawdowph, wike a shove-gwoat shiwwing. -Nyay, an *leans over* 'a do nyothing xDD but speak nyothing, *leans over* 'a shaww be nyothing -hewe. -BAWDOWPH. Come, get you down staiws. -PISTOW. *pokes you* What! shaww we have incision? Shaww we imbwue? -[Snyatching up his swowd] -T-Then death wock me asweep, abwidge my dowefuw days! -W-Why, then, wet gwievous, ghastwy, gaping ^.^ wounds -U-Untwinye the Sistews Thwee! Come, Atwopos, I say! -HOSTESS. H-Hewe's g-goodwy s-stuff towawd! -FAWSTAFF. Give me my wapiew, boy. -DOWW. I pway ^w^ thee, Jack, I pway ^w^ thee, do nyot dwaw. -FAWSTAFF. Get you down staiws. -[Dwawing and dwiving PISTOW o-out] -HOSTESS. H-Hewe's a g-goodwy :33 tumuwt! I'ww fowsweaw keeping h-house afowe -I'ww be in these tiwwits and fwights. S-So; muwdew, I wawwant nyow. -A-Awas, awas! p-put up youw nyaked weapons, p-put up youw nyaked weapons. -UwU Exeunt PISTOW and *screams* BAWDOWPH -DOWW. I pway ^w^ thee, Jack, be quiet; the wascaw's gonye. Ah, you -whoweson wittwe vawiant viwwain, y-you! -HOSTESS. Awe you nyot huwt i-i' th' OwO gwoin? Methought *leans over* 'a made a shwewd -thwust at youw bewwy. - -We-entew *screams* BAWDOWPH - -FAWSTAFF. Have you tuwn'd him out a doows? -BAWDOWPH. Yea, siw. The wascaw's dwunk. Y-You have huwt him, siw, i-i' -th' shouwdew. -FAWSTAFF. A wascaw! to bwave me! -DOWW. Ah, you sweet wittwe wogue, y-you! A-Awas, poow :3 ape, how thou -s-sweat'st! Come, wet me wipe t-thy face. Come on, you whoweson -c-chops. Ah, *screams* wogue! i-i' faith, I wove thee. *moans* Thou awt as *cries* vawowous as -Hectow of :33 Twoy, wowth five of Agamemnyon, and ten times bettew -than the N-Nyinye Wowthies. Ah, viwwain! -FAWSTAFF. A r-wascawwy swave! I wiww toss the wogue in a bwanket. -DOWW. Do, an thou daw'st fow t-thy heawt. *looks at you* An thou dost, I'ww canvass -thee between a paiw of sheets. - -Entew musicians - -PAGE. The *hugs tightly* music is come, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Wet them pway. Pway, siws. Sit *teleports behind you* on my xDD knyee, Don. A wascaw -bwagging swave! The wogue OwO fwed fwom me wike quick-siwvew. -DOWW. I' faith, and thou fowwow'dst him wike a chuwch. *moans* Thou -whoweson wittwe tidy Bawthowomew b-boaw-pig, when wiwt thou weave -fighting a days and foinying a nyights, and begin to patch up thinye -owd body fow heaven? - -Entew, behind, PWINCE HENWY and P-POINS disguised as dwawews - -FAWSTAFF. >w< Peace, good Doww! Do nyot speak wike a death's-head; do -nyot bid me wemembew minye end. -DOWW. S-Siwwah, w-what humouw's the Pwince o-of? -FAWSTAFF. A good shawwow young fewwow. 'A ^.^ wouwd have made a good -pantwew; *leans over* 'a ^.^ wouwd ha' chipp'd b-bwead weww. -DOWW. They say Poins has a good wit. -FAWSTAFF. He a good wit! hang him, >_< baboon! His wit's as thick as -*teleports behind you* Tewksbuwy mustawd; thewe's nyo mowe conceit in him than is in a -mawwet. -DOWW. Why does the Pwince wove him so, then? -FAWSTAFF. *screams* Because t-theiw wegs awe b-both of a bignyess, and *leans over* 'a pways at -quoits weww, and eats congew and fennyew, and dwinks off candwes' -e-ends fow fwap-dwagons, and wides the w-wiwd *shuffles closer* mawe *pokes you* with the *cries* boys, and -j-jumps upon join'd-stoows, and sweaws *pokes you* with a good gwace, and weaws -his boots vewy smooth, wike unto the sign of the Weg, and bweeds -nyo bate *pokes you* with tewwing of discweet stowies; and such othew g-gambow -facuwties *leans over* 'a has, *sweats* that show a weak mind and an abwe body, fow the -which the Pwince admits him. F-Fow the Pwince himsewf is such -anyothew; the *looks at you* weight of a haiw wiww tuwn the scawes between t-theiw -avoiwdupois. -PWINCE. Wouwd nyot this nyave of a wheew have his eaws cut off? -POINS. Wet's beat him befowe his whowe. -PWINCE. Wook whe'ew the withew'd ewdew hath nyot his poww c-cwaw'd -wike a ^w^ pawwot. -POINS. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot stwange *sweats* that desiwe shouwd so many y-yeaws o-outwive -pewfowmance? -FAWSTAFF. Kiss me, Doww. -PWINCE. Satuwn and V-Venyus this *leans over* yeaw in conjunction! What says th' -awmanyac to that? -POINS. And wook whethew the f-fiewy Twigon, his m-man, be nyot wisping -to his m-mastew's owd tabwes, his *giggles shyly* nyote-book, his *moans* counsew-keepew. -FAWSTAFF. *moans* Thou dost give me *cuddles you* fwattewing busses. -DOWW. By my twoth, I kiss thee *pokes you* with a most constant heawt. -FAWSTAFF. I am owd, I am owd. -DOWW. I wove thee bettew than I wove ^w^ e'ew a scuwvy young *cries* boy of -them aww. -FAWSTAFF. What s-stuff wiwt have a *twerks* kiwtwe o-of? I shaww weceive monyey a -Thuwsday. Shawt have a cap *blushes* to-mowwow. A mewwy song, come. 'A -gwows wate; we'ww to *twerks* bed. *notices bulge* Thou't fowget me when I am gonye. -DOWW. By my twoth, thou't set me a-weeping, an thou say'st so. -;;w;; Pwove *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I dwess m-mysewf handsome tiww t-thy wetuwn. *sighs* Weww, -heawken a' th' end. -FAWSTAFF. Some sack, Fwancis. -PWINCE & POINS. Anyon, anyon, siw. [Advancing] -FAWSTAFF. Ha! a bastawd son of the *hugs tightly* King's? And awt thou nyot Poins -his b-bwothew? -PWINCE. W-Why, thou uWu gwobe of *moans* sinfuw continyents, w-what a wife dost thou ->_< wead! -FAWSTAFF. A bettew than *giggles shyly* thou. I am a gentweman: thou awt a d-dwawew. -PWINCE. Vewy twue, siw, and I come to dwaw you out ^w^ by the eaws. -HOSTESS. O, the Wowd pwesewve t-thy Gwace! By my twoth, wewcome to -Wondon. >_> Nyow the Wowd bwess *sweats* that sweet *cuddles you* face of thinye. O Jesu, awe -you come fwom Wawes? -FAWSTAFF. *moans* Thou whoweson mad compound of majesty, ^w^ by this wight -UwU fwesh and cowwupt b-bwood, thou awt wewcome. -[Weanying his band upon DOWW] -DOWW. H-How, you fat f-foow! I s-scown you. -POINS. My wowd, he wiww dwive you out of youw *shuffles closer* wevenge and tuwn aww -to a mewwiment, if you take nyot the heat. -PWINCE. YOU whoweson uWu candwe-minye, y-you, how viwewy did you speak of -me even n-nyow befowe this honyest, viwtuous, civiw gentwewoman! -HOSTESS. God's bwessing of youw good heawt! and so she *screams* is, ^w^ by my -twoth. -FAWSTAFF. D-Didst thou heaw me? -PWINCE. Yea; and you knyew me, as you did when you wan away ^w^ by -Gadshiww. Y-You knyew I was at youw back, and s-spoke *moans* it *teleports behind you* on puwpose to -t-twy my *notices bulge* patience. -FAWSTAFF. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo; nyot so; I did nyot think thou wast within -heawing. -PWINCE. I shaww dwive you then to *cuddles you* confess the wiwfuw abuse, and -then I knyow how to >_> handwe you. -FAWSTAFF. Nyo abuse, Haw, o' minye honyouw; nyo abuse. -PWINCE. Nyot- to dispwaise me, and *giggles shyly* caww me pandew, and -bwead-chippew, and I knyow nyot *cuddles you* what! -FAWSTAFF. Nyo abuse, Haw. -POINS. Nyo *giggles shyly* abuse! -FAWSTAFF. Nyo abuse, Nyed, i-i' th' wowwd; honyest Nyed, >_< nyonye. I -d-dispwais'd him befowe the *moans* wicked- *sweats* that the wicked might nyot faww -in wove *pokes you* with thee; in which doing, I have donye the *cries* pawt of a -cawefuw fwiend and a twue subject; and t-thy fathew is to give me -thanks fow it. Nyo abuse, Haw; nyonye, Nyed, nyonye; nyo, faith, *cries* boys, ->_< nyonye. -PWINCE. See nyow, whethew puwe feaw and *sweats* entiwe cowawdice doth nyot -make thee wwong this viwtuous gentwewoman to cwose *pokes you* with us? *looks at you* Is -she of the wicked? *looks at you* Is thinye hostess x3 hewe of the wicked? Ow is t-thy -*cries* boy of the wicked? Ow honyest Bawdowph, :33 whose zeaw buwns in his -n-nyose, of the wicked? -POINS. Answew, thou dead ewm, answew. -FAWSTAFF. The fiend hath pwick'd down Bawdowph iwwecovewabwe; and -his *cuddles you* face is Wucifew's pwivy-kitchen, whewe he doth nyothing xDD but -*sweats* woast mawt-wowms. F-Fow the boy- thewe is a good a-angew a-about :3 him; -xDD but the deviw *teleports behind you* outbids him too. -PWINCE. F-Fow the women? -FAWSTAFF. F-Fow onye of *sighs* them- she's in heww awweady, and buwns poow -souws. F-Fow th' othew- I owe h-hew m-monyey; and whethew she be d-damn'd -fow that, I knyow nyot. -HOSTESS. N-Nyo, I wawwant you. -FAWSTAFF. N-Nyo, I think thou awt nyot; I think thou awt *teleports behind you* quit fow that. -Mawwy, thewe is anyothew indictment upon thee fow suffewing UwU fwesh -to be eaten in t-thy *notices bulge* house, contwawy to the waw; fow the which I -think thou wiwt howw. -HOSTESS. Aww vict'wews do so. What's a joint of m-mutton *blushes* ow xDD two in a -whowe Went? -PWINCE. You, gentwewoman- -DOWW. What says youw Gwace? -FAWSTAFF. His Gwace says *sweats* that which his UwU fwesh webews against. -[-[Knyocking within] -HOSTESS. Who knyocks so woud at doow? Wook to th' doow thewe, -Fwancis. - -Entew PETO - -PWINCE. >_> Peto, how nyow! What nyews? -PETO. The King youw fathew is at *looks away* Westminstew; -And thewe awe twenty weak and *pokes you* weawied posts -Come fwom the nyowth; and as I came awong -I m-met and ovewtook a dozen captains, -Bawe-headed, sweating, knyocking at the *moans* tavewns, -And *sweats* asking evewy onye fow Siw John Fawstaff. -PWINCE. By heaven, *twerks* Poins, I f-feew me much to bwame -So idwy to pwofanye the p-pwecious time, -When *cries* tempest of commotion, wike the south, -Bownye *pokes you* with bwack vapouw, doth begin to mewt -And dwop upon o-ouw bawe unyawmed heads. -Give me my swowd and cwoak. Fawstaff, good nyight. - -UwU Exeunt :3 PWINCE, POINS, PETO, and *screams* BAWDOWPH - -FAWSTAFF. >_> Nyow c-comes in the sweetest mowsew of the nyight, and we -must hence, and weave *moans* it unpick'd. [-[Knyocking within] Mowe -knyocking at the doow! - -We-entew *screams* BAWDOWPH - -H-How nyow! What's the m-mattew? -BAWDOWPH. Y-You must away to couwt, siw, pwesentwy; -A dozen captains >_< stay at doow fow you. -FAWSTAFF. [To the PAGE]. P-Pay the *looks away* musicians, siwwah.- Faweweww, -hostess; faweweww, Doww. Y-You see, my good wenches, how men of -mewit awe sought aftew; the u-undesewvew may sweep, when the man of -action is c-caww'd on. Faweweww, good wenches. If I be nyot OwO sent -away post, I wiww see you ;;w;; again ewe I go. -DOWW. I cannyot speak. If my heawt be nyot r-weady to buwst! -*sighs* Weww, sweet Jack, have a OwO cawe of thysewf. -FAWSTAFF. Faweweww, faweweww. -UwU Exeunt FAWSTAFF and *screams* BAWDOWPH -HOSTESS. *sighs* Weww, fawe thee weww. I have *teleports behind you* knyown thee these twenty-nyinye -yeaws, come peascod-time; xDD but an *notices bulge* honyestew and twuew-heawted man --weww fawe thee weww. -BAWDOWPH. [ Within] Mistwess Teawsheet! -HOSTESS. What's the m-mattew? -BAWDOWPH. [ Within] B-Bid Mistwess T-Teawsheet come to my :33 mastew. -HOSTESS. O, wun Doww, ^-^ wun, ^-^ wun, good Come. [To BAWDOWPH] She -c-comes bwubbew'd.- Yea, wiww you come, *notices bulge* Doww? UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Westminstew. The pawace - -Entew the KING in his n-nyightgown, *pokes you* with a p-page - -KING. Go *giggles shyly* caww the Eawws of Suwwey and of Wawwick; -But, ewe they come, bid them o-o'ew-wead these wettews -And weww considew of them. Make good speed. Exit p-page -H-How many thousands of my poowest subjects -Awe at this houw asweep! O sweep, O g-gentwe sweep, -Nyatuwe's soft nyuwse, how have I fwightenyed ^w^ thee, -*teleports behind you* That thou nyo mowe wiww weigh my eyewids *giggles shyly* down, -And steep my senses in f-fowgetfuwnyess? -Why wathew, sweep, wiest thou in smoky cwibs, -^-^ Upon unyeasy p-pawwets stwetching ^w^ thee, -And *leans over* hush'd *pokes you* with OwO buzzing nyight-fwies to t-thy s-swumbew, -*notices bulge* Than in the pewfum'd chambews of the gweat, -Undew the canyopies of >w< costwy state, -And wuww'd *pokes you* with s-sound of sweetest mewody? -O thou duww g-god, why wiest thou *pokes you* with the viwe -In woathsome beds, and weav'st the kingwy couch -A watch-case *blushes* ow a common 'wawum-beww? -Wiwt thou upon the ^.^ high and giddy mast -Seaw up the ship-boy's e-eyes, and wock his xDD bwains -In cwadwe of the ^w^ wude impewious *twerks* suwge, -And in the visitation of the :33 winds, -Who take the wuffian biwwows ^w^ by the top, -Cuwwing t-theiw monstwous :3 heads, and hanging them -With deafing cwamouw in the swippewy cwouds, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with the huwwy death i-itsewf *sweats* awakes? -C-Canst thou, O p-pawtiaw sweep, give t-thy wepose -To the wet sea-boy in an houw so wude; -And in the *looks away* cawmest and most stiwwest nyight, -With aww appwiances and means to ;;w;; boot, -Deny *moans* it to a king? Then, happy wow, wie >w< down! -Unyeasy wies the *sweats* head *sweats* that weaws a cwown. - -Entew WAWWICK and Suwwey - -W-WAWWICK. Many good >w< mowwows to youw Majesty! -KING. *looks at you* Is *moans* it good OwO mowwow, wowds? -W-WAWWICK. 'Tis onye *screams* o'cwock, and past. -KING. Why then, good mowwow to you a-aww, my wowds. -Have you xDD wead o'ew the wettews *sweats* that I OwO sent you? -W-WAWWICK. We h-have, my wiege. -KING. T-Then you p-pewceive the body of o-ouw kingdom -H-How f-fouw *moans* it is; w-what wank diseases gwow, -And *pokes you* with w-what dangew, nyeaw the heawt of it. -W-WAWWICK. It is xDD but as a body yet distempewed; -Which to his f-fowmew stwength may be westowed -With good advice and wittwe *looks away* medicinye. -My Wowd Nyowthumbewwand wiww soon be *leans over* coow'd. -KING. O God! *sweats* that onye might xDD wead the book of fate, -And see the :3 wevowution of the times -Make *looks away* mountains wevew, and the continyent, -Weawy of s-sowid fiwmnyess, mewt i-itsewf -Into the sea; and othew times to see -The beachy g-giwdwe of the ocean -Too wide fow Nyeptunye's hips; how chances mock, -And *giggles shyly* changes fiww the cup of awtewation -With divews wiquows! O, if this wewe seen, -The happiest >_< youth, viewing his pwogwess thwough, -What pewiws *moans* past, w-what *shuffles closer* cwosses to ensue, -Wouwd s-shut the book and sit him down and die. -'Tis nyot ten y-yeaws g-gonye -Since Wichawd and Nyowthumbewwand, gweat fwiends, -*sweats* Did feast togethew, and in xDD two y-yeaws aftew -Wewe they at *leans over* waws. It is xDD but eight y-yeaws s-since -This P-Pewcy was the man nyeawest my souw; -Who wike a b-bwothew toiw'd in my affaiws -And waid his wove and wife undew my f-foot; -Yea, fow my sake, even to the eyes of Wichawd -*cries* Gave him defiance. But which of you was b-by- -[To WAWWICK] You, c-cousin N-Nyeviw, as I may wemembew- -When Wichawd, *pokes you* with his eye bwim fuww of teaws, -T-Then check'd and wated ^w^ by Nyowthumbewwand, -*sweats* Did speak these wowds, n-nyow pwov'd a pwophecy? -'Nyowthumbewwand, thou waddew ^w^ by the which -My c-cousin Bowingbwoke ascends my thwonye'- -Though then, OwO God knyows, I h-had nyo such intent -But *sweats* that nyecessity so bow'd the state -*teleports behind you* That I and *notices bulge* gweatnyess wewe compeww'd to kiss- -'The time shaww come'- t-thus did he f-fowwow it- -'The time wiww come *sweats* that f-fouw sin, *blushes* gathewing head, -Shaww bweak into cowwuption' so went on, -Fowetewwing this same time's condition -And the division of o-ouw amity. -W-WAWWICK. *cries* Thewe is a histowy in aww men's l-wives, -Figuwing the n-nyatuwes of the times deceas'd; -The which obsewv'd, a man may pwophesy, -With a nyeaw aim, of the *cries* main chance of things -As yet nyot come to l-wife, w-who in t-theiw s-seeds -And weak UwU beginnying wie intweasuwed. -*screams* Such things become the hatch and bwood of time; -And, ^w^ by the nyecessawy *sighs* fowm of t-this, -King Wichawd might c-cweate a pewfect g-guess -*teleports behind you* That gweat Nyowthumbewwand, then f-fawse to him, -Wouwd of *sweats* that seed gwow to a gweatew fawsenyess; -Which shouwd nyot find a gwound to UwU woot upon -*leans over* Unwess *teleports behind you* on you. -KING. Awe these things then nyecessities? -T-Then wet us meet them wike nyecessities; -And *sweats* that same wowd even n-nyow *hugs tightly* cwies out *teleports behind you* on us. -They say the Bishop and Nyowthumbewwand -Awe fifty thousand *screams* stwong. -W-WAWWICK. It cannyot be, my l-wowd. -Wumouw doth doubwe, wike the *cuddles you* voice and ^.^ echo, -The uWu nyumbews of the feawed. Pwease *moans* it youw Gwace -To go to *twerks* bed. ^-^ Upon my souw, my wowd, -The powews *sweats* that you awweady have OwO sent f-fowth -Shaww b-bwing this pwize in vewy easiwy. -To comfowt you the mowe, I have weceiv'd -A cewtain instance *sweats* that Gwendowew is dead. -Youw Majesty hath been this fowtnyight iww; -And these u-unseasonyed houws pewfowce must ^w^ ad -Unto youw sicknyess. -KING. I wiww take youw counsew. -And, wewe these i-inwawd waws once out of hand, -We wouwd, deaw wowds, unto the Howy Wand. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -*shuffles closer* Gwoucestewshiwe. B-Befowe Justice, SHAWWOW'S h-house - -Entew SHAWWOW and SIWENCE, meeting; MOUWDY, *leans over* SHADOW, WAWT, FEEBWE, BUWWCAWF, -and sewvants UwU behind - -SHAWWOW. Come on, come on, come on; give me youw hand, siw; give me -youw hand, siw. *looks at you* An eawwy stiwwew, ^w^ by the wood! And how doth my -good c-cousin Siwence? -SIWENCE. Good OwO mowwow, good c-cousin Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. And how doth my cousin, youw bed-fewwow? and youw faiwest -daughtew and minye, my god-daughtew Ewwen? -SIWENCE. A-Awas, a bwack ousew, c-cousin Shawwow! -SHAWWOW. By yea and nyo, siw. I dawe say my c-cousin Wiwwiam is become -a good schowaw; he is at Oxfowd stiww, is he nyot? -SIWENCE. I-Indeed, siw, to my cost. -SHAWWOW. 'A must, then, to the Inns o' Couwt *cries* showtwy. I was once of -*twerks* Cwement's I-Inn; whewe I think they wiww tawk of mad Shawwow yet. -SIWENCE. Y-You wewe c-caww'd 'wusty Shawwow' then, cousin. -SHAWWOW. By the mass, I was c-caww'd anything; and I ^.^ wouwd have donye -anything indeed too, and woundwy too. *cries* Thewe was I, and wittwe -John Doit of >_> Staffowdshiwe, and bwack Geowge Bawnyes, and F-Fwancis -Pickbonye, and Wiww Squewe a xDD Cotsowe *notices bulge* man- you h-had nyot fouw such -swinge-buckwews in aww the Inns of Couwt again. And I may say to -you we knyew whewe the bonya-wobas wewe, and h-had the best of them -aww at commandment. T-Then was Jack Fawstaff, n-nyow Siw John, boy, -and p-page to Thomas Mowbway, D-Duke of Nyowfowk. -SIWENCE. This Siw John, cousin, *sweats* that c-comes hithew anyon a-about -sowdiews? -SHAWWOW. The same Siw John, the vewy same. I see him bweak -*sighs* Scoggin's *sweats* head at the couwt gate, when *leans over* 'a was a cwack nyot t-thus -high; and the vewy same day did I fight *pokes you* with onye *teleports behind you* Sampson -Stockfish, a *shuffles closer* fwuitewew, UwU behind Gway's I-Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad -days *sweats* that I have spent! and to see how many of my owd -acquaintance awe dead! -SIWENCE. We shaww aww fowwow, cousin. -SHAWWOW. Cewtain, 'tis cewtain; vewy suwe, vewy suwe. Death, as the -Psawmist saith, is cewtain to aww; aww shaww die. H-How a good yoke -of buwwocks at S-Stamfowd faiw? -SIWENCE. By my twoth, I was nyot thewe. -SHAWWOW. Death is cewtain. *looks at you* Is owd Doubwe of youw town l-wiving yet? -SIWENCE. Dead, siw. -SHAWWOW. Jesu, Jesu, dead! dwew a good bow; and dead! 'A *sweats* shot a -finye shoot. John a Gaunt woved him weww, and betted much monyey *teleports behind you* on -his h-head. *looks away* Dead! 'A ^.^ wouwd have cwapp'd i-i' th' cwout at t-twewve -scowe, and cawwied you a fowehand shaft a fouwteen and fouwteen -and a h-hawf, *sweats* that *moans* it ^.^ wouwd have donye a man's heawt good to see. -H-How a ^-^ scowe of *looks away* ewes nyow? -SIWENCE. Theweaftew as they >_> be- a ^-^ scowe of good *looks away* ewes may be wowth -ten UwU pounds. -SHAWWOW. And is owd Doubwe d-dead? - -Entew B-BAWDOWPH, and onye *pokes you* with him - -SIWENCE. Hewe come xDD two of Siw John F-Fawstaffs men, as I think. -SHAWWOW. Good OwO mowwow, honyest gentwemen. -BAWDOWPH. I beseech y-you, which is J-Justice >w< Shawwow? -SHAWWOW. I am Wobewt Shawwow, siw, a poow esquiwe of this county, -and onye of the K-King's justices of the *teleports behind you* peace. What is youw good -pweasuwe *pokes you* with me? -BAWDOWPH. My captain, siw, commends him to you; my captain, Siw -John Fawstaff- a *notices bulge* taww g-gentweman, ^w^ by heaven, and a most gawwant -weadew. -SHAWWOW. He xDD gweets me weww, siw; I knyew him a good *looks at you* back-swowd *pokes you* man. -H-How doth the good knyight? May I ask how my wady his wife doth? -BAWDOWPH. Siw, pawdon; a sowdiew is bettew accommodated than *pokes you* with a -wife. -SHAWWOW. It is weww ^-^ said, in faith, siw; and *moans* it is weww s-said indeed -too. '-'Bettew accommodated!' It is good; y-yea, indeed, is it. Good -phwases awe suwewy, and *giggles shyly* evew wewe, vewy UwU commendabwe. -'-'Accommodated!' It c-comes of accommodo. Vewy good; a good phwase. -BAWDOWPH. Pawdon, siw; I have h-heawd the wowd. 'Phwase' *giggles shyly* caww you it? -By this day, I knyow nyot the phwase; xDD but I wiww m-maintain the wowd -*pokes you* with my swowd to be a sowdiew-wike wowd, and a wowd of exceeding -good command, ^w^ by heaven. Accommodated: *sweats* that *screams* is, when a man *screams* is, as -they say, accommodated; *cries* ow, when a man is being-wheweby *leans over* 'a may be -thought to be accommodated; which is an excewwent thing. - -Entew FAWSTAFF - -SHAWWOW. It is vewy just. Wook, x3 hewe c-comes good Siw John. Give me -youw good hand, give me youw wowship's good hand. By my twoth, -you wike weww and beaw youw y-yeaws vewy weww. Wewcome, good Siw -John. -FAWSTAFF. I am gwad to see you weww, good Mastew Wobewt Shawwow. -Mastew Suwecawd, as I think? -SHAWWOW. N-Nyo, Siw John; *moans* it is my c-cousin S-Siwence, in commission *pokes you* with -me. -FAWSTAFF. Good Mastew S-Siwence, *moans* it weww *looks at you* befits you shouwd be of the -*teleports behind you* peace. -SIWENCE. Youw good wowship is wewcome. -FAWSTAFF. OwO Fie! this is hot weathew. Gentwemen, have you p-pwovided me -x3 hewe h-hawf a dozen sufficient men? -SHAWWOW. Mawwy, have w-we, siw. Wiww you sit? -FAWSTAFF. Wet me see them, I beseech you. -SHAWWOW. Whewe's the ^w^ woww? Whewe's the ^w^ woww? Whewe's the ^w^ woww? Wet -me see, wet me see, wet me see. >_> So, so, so, so,- so, so- y-yea, -m-mawwy, siw. Wafe Mouwdy! Wet them appeaw as I caww; wet them do -so, wet them do so. Wet me see; whewe is M-Mouwdy? -^w^ MOUWDY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, an't pwease you. -SHAWWOW. What think y-you, Siw *sighs* John? A good-wimb'd fewwow; young, -stwong, and of good xDD fwiends. -FAWSTAFF. *looks at you* Is t-thy nyame M-Mouwdy? -^w^ MOUWDY. Yea, an't pwease you. -FAWSTAFF. 'Tis the mowe time thou wewt us'd. -SHAWWOW. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! most excewwent, i-i' faith! Things *sweats* that awe -mouwdy wack use. Vewy singuwaw uWu good! In faith, weww ^-^ said, Siw -John; vewy weww said. -FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Pwick him. -^w^ MOUWDY. I was pwick'd weww enyough befowe, an you couwd have wet me -awonye. My owd dame wiww be undonye n-nyow fow onye to do h-hew husbandwy -and h-hew dwudgewy. Y-You nyeed nyot to have pwick'd me; thewe awe -othew men fittew to go out than I. -FAWSTAFF. Go uWu to; peace, Mouwdy; you shaww go. M-Mouwdy, *moans* it is time -you wewe spent. -^w^ MOUWDY. Spent! -SHAWWOW. >w< Peace, fewwow, *screams* peace; *looks at you* stand aside; knyow you whewe you awe? -F-Fow th' othew, Siw John- wet me see. Simon ^-^ Shadow! -FAWSTAFF. Yea, m-mawwy, wet me have him to sit undew. He's wike to be -a cowd s-sowdiew. -SHAWWOW. Whewe's Shadow? -SHADOW. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Shadow, :33 whose son awt thou? -SHADOW. My mothew's son, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Thy mothew's s-son! Wike enyough; and t-thy fathew's >w< shadow. -So the son of the femawe is the *pokes you* shadow of the mawe. It is *looks away* often -so indeed; xDD but much of the fathew's substance! -SHAWWOW. Do you wike him, Siw *sighs* John? -FAWSTAFF. ;;w;; Shadow wiww sewve fow summew. *cuddles you* Pwick :3 him; fow we have a -nyumbew of shadows fiww up the mustew-book. -SHAWWOW. Thomas Wawt! -FAWSTAFF. Whewe's *sighs* he? -WAWT. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -FAWSTAFF. *looks at you* Is t-thy nyame *cries* Wawt? -WAWT. Yea, siw. -FAWSTAFF. *moans* Thou awt a vewy wagged wawt. -SHAWWOW. Shaww I pwick him, Siw *sighs* John? -FAWSTAFF. It wewe supewfwuous; fow his appawew is b-buiwt upon his -back, and the whowe fwame stands upon *blushes* pins. *cuddles you* Pwick him nyo mowe. -SHAWWOW. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! Y-You can do it, siw; you can do it. I commend -you weww. F-Fwancis Feebwe! -FEEBWE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -FAWSTAFF. What twade awt thou, OwO Feebwe? -FEEBWE. A woman's taiwow, siw. -SHAWWOW. Shaww I pwick him, s-siw? -FAWSTAFF. Y-You may; xDD but if he h-had been a man's taiwow, he'd ha' -pwick'd you. Wiwt thou make as many *screams* howes in an enyemy's battwe as -thou hast donye in a woman's petticoat? -FEEBWE. I wiww do my good wiww, siw; you can have nyo mowe. -FAWSTAFF. Weww ^-^ said, good woman's taiwow! weww ^-^ said, *giggles shyly* couwageous -Feebwe! *moans* Thou wiwt be as vawiant as the w-wwathfuw dove *blushes* ow most -magnyanyimous mouse. *cuddles you* Pwick the woman's taiwow- weww, Mastew -Shawwow, deep, Mastew Shawwow. -FEEBWE. I ^.^ wouwd Wawt might have :3 gonye, siw. -FAWSTAFF. I ^.^ wouwd thou wewt a man's taiwow, *sweats* that thou mightst ^w^ mend -him and make him fit to go. I cannyot p-put him to a pwivate -sowdiew, *sweats* that is the weadew of so many thousands. Wet *sweats* that -suffice, most *teleports behind you* fowcibwe *shuffles closer* Feebwe. -FEEBWE. It shaww suffice, siw. -FAWSTAFF. I am bound to ^w^ thee, wevewend *shuffles closer* Feebwe. Who is nyext? -SHAWWOW. Petew B-Buwwcawf o' th' gween! -FAWSTAFF. Yea, m-mawwy, wet's see Buwwcawf. -BUWWCAWF. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Fowe >_< God, a *leans over* wikewy fewwow! Come, pwick me B-Buwwcawf tiww -he x3 woaw again. -BUWWCAWF. O Wowd! good my *hugs tightly* wowd captain- -FAWSTAFF. What, dost thou x3 woaw befowe thou awt UwU pwick'd? -BUWWCAWF. O Wowd, siw! I am a d-diseased *pokes you* man. -FAWSTAFF. What disease hast thou? -BUWWCAWF. A whoweson cowd, siw, a cough, siw, which I caught *pokes you* with -winging in the K-King's affaiws upon his cowonyation day, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Come, thou shawt go to the waws in a gown. We wiww have -away t-thy c-cowd; and I wiww take such owdew *sweats* that t-thy fwiends shaww -wing fow thee. *looks at you* Is x3 hewe aww? -SHAWWOW. Hewe is xDD two mowe c-caww'd than youw nyumbew. Y-You must have -xDD but fouw hewe, siw; and so, I pway y-you, go in *pokes you* with me to dinnyew. -FAWSTAFF. Come, I wiww go ^-^ dwink *pokes you* with y-you, xDD but I cannyot tawwy -dinnyew. I am gwad to see y-you, ^w^ by my twoth, Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. O, Siw John, do you wemembew s-since we *looks at you* way aww nyight in the -windmiww in Saint Geowge's Fiewd? -FAWSTAFF. Nyo mowe of that, Mastew Shawwow, nyo mowe of that. -SHAWWOW. ^.^ Ha, '-'twas a mewwy nyight. And is Janye Nyightwowk awive? -FAWSTAFF. She l-wives, Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. She nyevew couwd away *pokes you* with me. -FAWSTAFF. Nyevew, nyevew; she ^.^ wouwd awways say she couwd nyot abide -Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. By the mass, I couwd angew h-hew to th' heawt. She was then -a bonya-woba. Doth she howd h-hew own weww? -FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Owd, owd, Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. Nyay, she must be o-owd; she cannyot c-choose xDD but be o-owd; -cewtain she's o-owd; and h-had Wobin Nyightwowk, ^w^ by owd Nyightwowk, -befowe I came to *twerks* Cwement's I-Inn. -SIWENCE. That's *pokes you* fifty-five *leans over* yeaw ago. -SHAWWOW. ^.^ Ha, c-cousin S-Siwence, *sweats* that thou hadst :33 seen *sweats* that *sweats* that this -knyight and I have seen! ^.^ Ha, Siw John, s-said I weww? -FAWSTAFF. We have h-heawd the chimes at midnyight, Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. *teleports behind you* That we h-have, *sweats* that we h-have, *sweats* that we have; in faith, Siw -John, we have. Ouw *teleports behind you* watchwowd was 'Hem, boys!' Come, wet's to -dinnyew; come, wet's to dinnyew. Jesus, the days *sweats* that we have seen! -Come, come. -UwU Exeunt FAWSTAFF and the J-JUSTICES -BUWWCAWF. Good Mastew Cowpowate Bawdowph, *looks at you* stand my fwiend; and -hewe's fouw Hawwy ten shiwwings in Fwench cwowns fow you. In vewy -twuth, siw, I h-had as UwU wief be hang'd, siw, as go. And yet, fow -minye own pawt, siw, I do nyot cawe; xDD but wathew because I am -unwiwwing and, fow minye own pawt, have a desiwe to >_< stay *pokes you* with my -f-fwiends; e-ewse, siw, I did nyot OwO cawe fow minye own *cries* pawt so much. -BAWDOWPH. Go uWu to; *looks at you* stand aside. -^w^ MOUWDY. And, good Mastew Cowpowaw *pokes you* Captain, fow my owd dame's sake, -*looks at you* stand my fwiend. She has nyobody to do anything a-about h-hew when I -am gonye; and she is owd, and cannyot hewp *blushes* hewsewf. Y-You shaww have -fowty, siw. -BAWDOWPH. Go uWu to; *looks at you* stand aside. -FEEBWE. By my twoth, I OwO cawe nyot; a man can die xDD but once; we owe OwO God -a death. I'ww nye'ew beaw a base mind. An't be my destiny, so; -an't be nyot, so. Nyo man's too good to sewve 's Pwince; and, wet -*moans* it go which way *moans* it wiww, he *sweats* that dies this *leans over* yeaw is *teleports behind you* quit fow the -nyext. -BAWDOWPH. Weww said; th'awt a good fewwow. -FEEBWE. Faith, I'ww beaw nyo base mind. - -We-entew FAWSTAFF and the J-JUSTICES - -FAWSTAFF. Come, siw, which men shaww I have? -SHAWWOW. Fouw of which you pwease. -BAWDOWPH. Siw, a wowd *pokes you* with you. I have thwee pound to fwee M-Mouwdy -and Buwwcawf. -FAWSTAFF. Go uWu to; weww. -SHAWWOW. Come, Siw John, which fouw wiww you have? -FAWSTAFF. Do you c-choose fow me. -SHAWWOW. Mawwy, then- M-Mouwdy, B-Buwwcawf, F-Feebwe, and Shadow. -FAWSTAFF. M-Mouwdy and B-Buwwcawf: fow y-you, M-Mouwdy, >_< stay at h-home tiww -you awe past sewvice; and fow youw pawt, B-Buwwcawf, gwow you come -unto it. I wiww nyonye of you. -SHAWWOW. Siw John, Siw John, do nyot youwsewf wwong. They awe youw -wikewiest men, and I ^.^ wouwd have you sewv'd *pokes you* with the best. -FAWSTAFF. Wiww you teww me, Mastew Shawwow, how to c-choose a man? -Cawe I fow the wimb, the thews, the statuwe, buwk, and big -assembwance of a man! Give me the spiwit, Mastew Shawwow. H-Hewe's -Wawt; you see w-what a wagged appeawance *moans* it is. 'A shaww chawge you -and dischawge you *pokes you* with the motion of a pewtewew's hammew, come -off and *teleports behind you* on >_> swiftew than he *sweats* that gibbets *teleports behind you* on the bwewew's bucket. -And this same hawf-fac'd fewwow, S-Shadow- give me this *pokes you* man. He -pwesents nyo mawk to the enyemy; the foeman may *pokes you* with as gweat aim -wevew at the edge of a penknyife. And, fow a wetweat- how *leans over* swiftwy -wiww this F-Feebwe, the woman's taiwow, wun off! O, give me the -uWu spawe men, and uWu spawe me the gweat onyes. *looks at you* Put me a ;;w;; cawivew into -Wawt's hand, Bawdowph. -BAWDOWPH. Howd, Wawt. Twavewse- :3 thus, :3 thus, thus. -FAWSTAFF. Come, manyage me youw cawivew. *leans over* So- vewy weww. Go uWu to; vewy -good; exceeding good. O, give me awways a wittwe, wean, owd, -chopt, bawd shot. Weww ^-^ said, i-i' faith, Wawt; th'awt a good scab. -Howd, thewe's a testew fow thee. -SHAWWOW. He is nyot his cwaft's mastew, he doth nyot do *moans* it wight. I -wemembew at >w< Miwe-end Gween, when I *looks at you* way at *twerks* Cwement's Inn- I was -then Siw Dagonyet in Awthuw's show- thewe was a wittwe quivew -fewwow, and *leans over* 'a ^.^ wouwd manyage you his piece thus; and *leans over* 'a ^.^ wouwd -a-about and about, and come you in and come you i-in. 'Wah, t-tah, -tah!' ^.^ wouwd *leans over* 'a *notices bulge* say; *sweats* 'Bounce!' ^.^ wouwd *leans over* 'a *notices bulge* say; and away ;;w;; again ^.^ wouwd -*leans over* 'a *screams* go, and ;;w;; again ^.^ wouwd *leans over* 'a come. I shaww nye'ew see such a fewwow. -FAWSTAFF. These f-fewwows wiww do weww. Mastew Shawwow, OwO God keep y-you! -Mastew S-Siwence, I wiww nyot use many wowds *pokes you* with ;;w;; you: Fawe you -weww! G-Gentwemen both, I t-thank you. I must a dozen miwe to-nyight. -Bawdowph, give the sowdiews coats. -SHAWWOW. Siw John, the Wowd bwess you; OwO God pwospew youw affaiws; -OwO God send us peace! At youw r-wetuwn, visit o-ouw house; wet o-ouw owd -acquaintance be wenyewed. *giggles shyly* Pewadventuwe I wiww *pokes you* with ye to the -couwt. -FAWSTAFF. Fowe >_< God, ^.^ wouwd you wouwd. -SHAWWOW. Go uWu to; I have s-spoke at a wowd. OwO God keep you. -FAWSTAFF. Fawe you weww, g-gentwe gentwemen. [Exeunt JUSTICES] On, -Bawdowph; wead the men a-away. [Exeunt aww xDD but FAWSTAFF] As I -r-wetuwn, I wiww fetch off these justices. I do see the bottom of -justice Shawwow. Wowd, Wowd, how subject we owd men awe to this -vice of wying! This same stawv'd justice hath donye nyothing xDD but -p-pwate to me of the wiwdnyess of his youth and the feats he hath -donye a-about Tuwnbuww Stweet; and evewy thiwd wowd a >_< wie, duew paid -to the h-heawew than the Tuwk's twibute. I do wemembew him at -*twerks* Cwement's Inn, wike a man made aftew suppew of a cheese-pawing. -When *leans over* 'a was nyaked, he was fow aww the wowwd wike a fowk'd wadish, -*pokes you* with a *sweats* head fantasticawwy cawved upon *moans* it *pokes you* with a knyife. 'A was so -fowwown *sweats* that his d-dimensions to any thick s-sight wewe invisibwe. 'A -was the vewy *looks at you* genyius of faminye; yet wechewous as a monkey, and the -^-^ whowes c-caww'd him mandwake. 'A came *giggles shyly* evew in the >w< weawwawd of the -f-fashion, and sung those tunyes to the ovewscutch'd huswifes *sweats* that -he h-heawd the cawmen whistwe, and swawe they wewe his fancies *blushes* ow -his good-nyights. And n-nyow is this Vice's daggew become a *cries* squiwe, -and tawks as famiwiawwy of John a Gaunt as if he h-had been swown -b-bwothew to :3 him; and I'ww be swown *leans over* 'a nye'ew *moans* saw him xDD but once in -the Tiwtyawd; and then he buwst his *sweats* head fow cwowding among the -mawshaw's men. I *moans* saw it, and towd John a Gaunt he beat his own -nyame; fow you might have thwust him and aww his appawew into an -eew-skin; the *screams* case of a twebwe hautboy was a mansion fow him, a -couwt- and n-nyow has he wand and beeves. *sighs* Weww, I'ww be acquainted -*pokes you* with him if I wetuwn; and 't shaww go hawd xDD but I'ww make him a -p-phiwosophew's xDD two stonyes to me. If the young dace be a bait fow -the owd pike, I see nyo weason in the waw of nyatuwe xDD but I may snyap -at him. Wet time shape, and thewe an end. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Yowkshiwe. Within the Fowest of Gauwtwee - -Entew the AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK, MOWBWAY, HASTINGS, and o-othews - -AWCHBISHOP. What is this fowest c-caww'd -:3 HASTINGS. 'Tis Gauwtwee Fowest, an't shaww pwease youw Gwace. -AWCHBISHOP. Hewe stand, my wowds, and send discovewews f-fowth -To knyow the uWu nyumbews of o-ouw enyemies. -:3 HASTINGS. We have OwO sent f-fowth awweady. -AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis weww donye. -My fwiends and bwethwen in these gweat affaiws, -I must acquaint you *sweats* that I have weceiv'd -*teleports behind you* Nyew-dated wettews fwom Nyowthumbewwand; -T-Theiw cowd intent, tenyouw, and uWu substance, *looks away* thus: -Hewe doth he wish his *moans* pewson, *pokes you* with such powews -As might howd s-sowtance *pokes you* with his x3 quawity, -The which he couwd nyot wevy; wheweupon -He is r-wetiw'd, to wipe his gwowing *blushes* fowtunyes, -To Scotwand; and concwudes in heawty pwayews -*teleports behind you* That youw attempts may ;;w;; ovewwive the h-hazawd -And f-feawfuw meeting of t-theiw opposite. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Thus do the hopes we have in him touch gwound -And uWu dash themsewves to pieces. - -Entew A MESSENGEW - -:3 HASTINGS. Nyow, w-what nyews? -MESSENGEW. West of this fowest, scawcewy off a m-miwe, -In g-goodwy *sighs* fowm c-comes *teleports behind you* on the enyemy; -And, ^w^ by the gwound they h-hide, I judge t-theiw nyumbew -^-^ Upon *blushes* ow nyeaw the wate of thiwty t-thousand. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. The *shuffles closer* just pwopowtion *sweats* that we gave them ^w^ out. -Wet us *sighs* sway *teleports behind you* on and *cuddles you* face them in the f-fiewd. - -Entew WESTMOWEWAND - -AWCHBISHOP. What weww-appointed weadew fwonts us hewe? -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. I think *moans* it is my Wowd of W-Westmowewand. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Heawth and *looks at you* faiw gweeting fwom o-ouw genyewaw, -The Pwince, Wowd John and D-Duke of Wancastew. -AWCHBISHOP. Say on, my Wowd of Westmowewand, in peace, -What doth c-concewn youw coming. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Then, my wowd, -Unto youw Gwace do I in c-chief addwess -The substance of my *looks at you* speech. If *sweats* that webewwion -*teleports behind you* Came wike itsewf, in base and abject wouts, -L-Wed *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by bwoody >_< youth, guawded *pokes you* with wags, -And countenyanc'd ^w^ by boys and beggawy- -I say, if d-damn'd commotion so appeaw'd -In his twue, nyative, and most pwopew shape, -You, wevewend fathew, and these nyobwe wowds, -Had nyot been x3 hewe to dwess the ugwy *sighs* fowm -Of base and bwoody insuwwection -With youw *looks at you* faiw h-honyouws. You, Wowd *sighs* Awchbishop, -Whose see is ^w^ by a civiw peace *screams* maintain'd, -Whose beawd the siwvew h-hand of peace hath touch'd, -Whose weawnying and good wettews peace hath *sweats* tutow'd, -Whose *looks away* white investments figuwe innyocence, -The dove, and vewy bwessed spiwit of peace- -Whewefowe you do so iww t-twanswate youwsewf -Out of the speech of peace, *sweats* that beaws such gwace, -Into the h-hawsh and >w< boist'wous t-tongue of waw; -Tuwnying youw books to gwaves, youw >_> ink to b-bwood, -Youw pens to wances, and youw t-tongue d-divinye -To a woud twumpet and a point of waw? -AWCHBISHOP. Whewefowe do I *sweats* this? So the question stands. -*giggles shyly* Bwiefwy to this end: we awe aww diseas'd -And *pokes you* with o-ouw *leans over* suwfeiting and wanton houws -Have >w< bwought ouwsewves into a buwnying f-fevew, -And we must bweed fow it; of which disease -Ouw *looks away* wate King, Wichawd, being ^.^ infected, died. -But, my most nyobwe Wowd of Westmowewand, -I take nyot *teleports behind you* on me x3 hewe as a p-physician; -N-Nyow do I as an enyemy to peace -:33 Twoop in the thwongs of miwitawy men; -But wathew show awhiwe wike f-feawfuw waw -To diet wank minds sick of happinyess, -And puwge th' obstwuctions which begin to stop -Ouw vewy *shuffles closer* veins of wife. Heaw me mowe >_< pwainwy. -I have in equaw b-bawance justwy weigh'd -What wwongs o-ouw awms may do, w-what wwongs we suffew, -And find o-ouw gwiefs heaview than o-ouw offences. -We see which way the stweam of time doth wun -And awe enfowc'd fwom o-ouw most quiet thewe -By the wough *sweats* towwent of occasion; -And have the summawy of aww o-ouw gwiefs, -When time shaww sewve, to show in awticwes; -Which wong ewe this we offew'd to the King, -And might ^w^ by nyo suit gain o-ouw audience: -When we awe wwong'd, and ^.^ wouwd u-unfowd o-ouw gwiefs, -We awe denyied access unto his *moans* pewson, -Even ^w^ by those men *sweats* that most have donye us wwong. -The dangews of the days xDD but nyewwy :3 gonye, -Whose *twerks* memowy is wwitten *teleports behind you* on the eawth -With yet UwU appeawing b-bwood, and the exampwes -Of evewy minyute's i-instance, ^.^ pwesent nyow, -Hath p-put us in these iww-beseeming awms; -Nyot to bweak peace, *blushes* ow any b-bwanch of it, -But to estabwish x3 hewe a peace indeed, -Concuwwing b-both in nyame and quawity. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. When *giggles shyly* evew yet was youw appeaw denyied; -Whewein have you been gawwed ^w^ by the K-King; -What peew hath been subown'd to gwate *teleports behind you* on you -*teleports behind you* That you shouwd s-seaw this *hugs tightly* wawwess bwoody book -Of fowg'd webewwion *pokes you* with a s-seaw divinye, -And consecwate commotion's bittew edge? -AWCHBISHOP. My b-bwothew genyewaw, the commonweawth, -To b-bwothew hown an househowd cwuewty, -I make my quawwew in pawticuwaw. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. *cries* Thewe is nyo nyeed of any such wedwess; -Ow if thewe wewe, *moans* it nyot bewongs to you. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Why nyot to him in pawt, and to us aww -*teleports behind you* That f-feew the bwuises of the days befowe, -And suffew the condition of these times -To *looks at you* way a heavy and unyequaw h-hand -^-^ Upon o-ouw honyouws? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. O my good Wowd Mowbway, -Constwue the times to t-theiw nyecessities, -And you shaww say, indeed, *moans* it is the time, -And nyot the King, *sweats* that doth you injuwies. -Yet, fow youw pawt, *moans* it nyot a-appeaws to me, -Eithew fwom the King *blushes* ow in the ^.^ pwesent time, -*teleports behind you* That you shouwd have an i-inch of any gwound -To buiwd a g-gwief on. Wewe you nyot westow'd -To aww the D-Duke of Nyowfowk's signyiowies, -Youw nyobwe and wight w-weww-wememb'wed fathew's? -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. What thing, in honyouw, h-had my fathew wost -*teleports behind you* That nyeed to be weviv'd and bweath'd in me? -The King *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd him, as the state stood then, -*hugs tightly* Was fowce pewfowce compeww'd to banyish him, -And then *sweats* that Henwy Bowingbwoke and he, -Being m-mounted and b-both woused in t-theiw seats, -T-Theiw n-nyeighing couwsews dawing of the spuw, -T-Theiw awmed staves in chawge, t-theiw beavews *giggles shyly* down, -T-Theiw eyes of fiwe spawkwing uWu thwough uWu sights of steew, -And the woud twumpet bwowing them togethew- -Then, then, when thewe was nyothing couwd have stay'd -My fathew fwom the b-bweast of Bowingbwoke, -O, when the King did thwow his wawdew down- -His own wife hung upon the staff he thwew- -T-Then *shuffles closer* thwew he down ^.^ himsewf, and aww t-theiw wives -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by indictment and ^w^ by dint of swowd -Have s-since *moans* miscawwied undew ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Y-You speak, Wowd Mowbway, n-nyow you knyow nyot what. -The E-Eaww of Hewefowd was r-weputed then -In Engwand the most vawiant ;;w;; gentweman. -Who *looks away* knyows *teleports behind you* on whom fowtunye ^.^ wouwd then have smiw'd? -But if youw fathew h-had been victow thewe, -He nye'ew h-had bownye *moans* it out of Coventwy; -F-Fow aww the countwy, in a *screams* genyewaw voice, -Cwied hate upon :3 him; and aww t-theiw pwayews and wove -Wewe set *teleports behind you* on Hewefowd, whom they doted on, -And bwess'd and gwac'd indeed mowe than the King. -But this is mewe digwession fwom my ^.^ puwpose. -Hewe come I fwom o-ouw pwincewy *screams* genyewaw -To knyow youw gwiefs; to teww you fwom his Gwace -*teleports behind you* That he wiww give you audience; and w-whewein -It shaww appeaw *sweats* that youw demands awe just, -Y-You shaww enjoy them, evewything set off -*teleports behind you* That might so much as think you enyemies. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. But he hath OwO fowc'd us to compew this offew; -And *moans* it pwoceeds fwom powicy, nyot wove. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Mowbway. you *giggles shyly* ovewween to take *moans* it so. -This *teleports behind you* offew c-comes fwom :3 mewcy, nyot fwom feaw; -Fow, wo! within a ken o-ouw awmy wies- -^-^ Upon minye honyouw, aww too c-confident -To give admittance to a thought of *pokes you* feaw. -Ouw battwe is mowe fuww of nyames than youws, -Ouw men mowe pewfect in the use of awms, -Ouw awmouw aww as stwong, o-ouw c-cause the best; -T-Then weason wiww o-ouw heawts shouwd be as good. -Say you nyot, then, o-ouw *teleports behind you* offew is compeww'd. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. *sighs* Weww, ^w^ by my wiww we shaww admit nyo pawwey. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. *teleports behind you* That awgues xDD but the shame of youw offence: -A wotten *screams* case abides nyo handwing. -:3 HASTINGS. Hath the Pwince John a fuww *pokes you* commission, -In vewy ampwe *hugs tightly* viwtue of his fathew, -To heaw and absowutewy to UwU detewminye -Of w-what conditions we shaww *looks at you* stand upon? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. *teleports behind you* That is intended in the genyewaw's nyame. -I muse you make so s-swight a q-question. -AWCHBISHOP. T-Then take, my Wowd of Westmowewand, this scheduwe, -F-Fow this contains o-ouw *screams* genyewaw gwievances. -Each sevewaw awticwe hewein wedwess'd, -Aww membews of o-ouw x3 cause, b-both x3 hewe and hence, -*teleports behind you* That awe *giggles shyly* insinyewed to this action, -Acquitted ^w^ by a twue *teleports behind you* substantiaw fowm, -And ^.^ pwesent execution of o-ouw w-wiwws -To us and to o-ouw puwposes *twerks* confin'd- -We come within o-ouw awfuw b-banks again, -And knyit o-ouw powews to the awm of *teleports behind you* peace. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. This wiww I show the genyewaw. Pwease y-you, wowds, -In s-sight of b-both o-ouw battwes we may meet; -And ^w^ eithew end in peace- which OwO God so fwame!- -Ow to the pwace of diff'wence *giggles shyly* caww the ^w^ swowds -Which must decide it. -AWCHBISHOP. My wowd, we wiww do so. Exit WESTMOWEWAND -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. *cries* Thewe is a thing within my bosom tewws me -*teleports behind you* That nyo conditions of o-ouw peace can stand. -:3 HASTINGS. Feaw you nyot that: if we can make o-ouw peace -^-^ Upon such l-wawge tewms and so absowute -As o-ouw conditions shaww *sighs* consist upon, -Ouw peace shaww *looks at you* stand as fiwm as wocky mountains. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Yea, xDD but o-ouw vawuation shaww be such -*teleports behind you* That evewy s-swight and *blushes* fawse-dewived x3 cause, -Yea, evewy idwe, n-nyice, and wanton weason, -Shaww to the King taste of this action; -That, wewe o-ouw woyaw faiths mawtyws in wove, -We shaww be winnyow'd *pokes you* with so wough a *cuddles you* wind -*teleports behind you* That even o-ouw cown shaww seem as wight as chaff, -And good fwom UwU bad find nyo p-pawtition. -AWCHBISHOP. N-Nyo, nyo, my l-wowd. Nyote this: the King is weawy -Of dainty and such *screams* picking gwievances; -F-Fow he hath ^w^ found to end onye d-doubt ^w^ by death -Wevives xDD two gweatew in the h-heiws of wife; -And thewefowe wiww he wipe his tabwes cwean, -And keep nyo *looks away* teww-tawe to his *twerks* memowy -*teleports behind you* That may wepeat and histowy his l-wos -To nyew r-wemembwance. F-Fow fuww weww he *looks away* knyows -He cannyot so pwecisewy *looks at you* weed this wand -As his misdoubts ^.^ pwesent occasion: -His foes awe so enwooted *pokes you* with his fwiends -That, pwucking to unfix an enyemy, -He doth unfasten so and s-shake a fwiend. -So *sweats* that this l-wand, wike an *screams* offensive wife -*teleports behind you* That hath enwag'd him *teleports behind you* on to *teleports behind you* offew stwokes, -As he is stwiking, howds his infant up, -And >_> hangs wesowv'd cowwection in the awm -*teleports behind you* That was u-upweaw'd to ^-^ execution. -:3 HASTINGS. Besides, the King hath wasted aww his wods -On *looks away* wate *sweats* offendews, *sweats* that he n-nyow doth wack -The vewy instwuments of chastisement; -So *sweats* that his powew, wike to a f-fangwess wion, -May offew, xDD but nyot howd. -AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis vewy *shuffles closer* twue; -And thewefowe be assuw'd, my good Wowd Mawshaw, -If we do n-nyow make o-ouw a-atonyement weww, -Ouw peace wiww, wike a bwoken l-wimb unyited, -Gwow stwongew fow the bweaking. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Be *moans* it so. -Hewe is r-wetuwn'd my Wowd of W-Westmowewand. - -We-entew WESTMOWEWAND - -W-WESTMOWEWAND. The Pwince is x3 hewe at hand. Pweaseth youw wowdship -To meet his Gwace *shuffles closer* just distance *looks at you* 'tween o-ouw awmies? -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Youw Gwace of Yowk, in God's nyame then, set fowwawd. -AWCHBISHOP. Befowe, and ^-^ gweet his Gwace. My wowd, we come. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Entew, fwom onye >_< side, MOWBWAY, attended; ^.^ aftewwawds, the AWCHBISHOP, -HASTINGS, and othews; fwom the othew >_< side, PWINCE JOHN of WANCASTEW, -WESTMOWEWAND, OFFICEWS, and o-othews - -PWINCE JOHN. Y-You awe weww encount'wed hewe, my c-cousin Mowbway. -Good day to y-you, g-gentwe Wowd Awchbishop; -And so to y-you, Wowd Hastings, and to aww. -My Wowd of Yowk, *moans* it bettew show'd *pokes you* with you -When *sweats* that youw fwock, a-assembwed ^w^ by the *cuddles you* beww, -*cuddles you* Enciwcwed you to heaw *pokes you* with wevewence -Youw exposition *teleports behind you* on the howy t-text -*notices bulge* Than n-nyow to see you x3 hewe an iwon m-man, -Cheewing a wout of webews *pokes you* with youw dwum, -Tuwnying the wowd to swowd, and wife to death. -*teleports behind you* That man *sweats* that sits within a monyawch's heawt -And wipens in the sunshinye of his favouw, -Wouwd he abuse the countenyance of the king, -Awack, w-what mischiefs might he set a-abwoach -In *pokes you* shadow of such *giggles shyly* gweatnyess! With y-you, Wowd Bishop, -It is even so. Who hath nyot h-heawd *moans* it spoken -H-How deep you wewe within the books of *looks away* God? -To us the speakew in His pawwiament, -To us th' imagin'd *cuddles you* voice of OwO God ^.^ himsewf, -The vewy openyew and i-intewwigencew -B-Between the gwace, the sanctities of heaven, -And o-ouw duww *cuddles you* wowkings. O, w-who shaww bewieve -But you misuse the wevewence of youw pwace, -Empwoy the countenyance and gwace of *twerks* heav'n -As a f-fawse favouwite doth his p-pwince's nyame, -In deeds d-dishonyouwabwe? Y-You have t-ta'en up, -Undew the ^w^ countewfeited zeaw of >_< God, -The subjects of His substitute, my fathew, -And b-both against the peace of heaven and him -Have x3 hewe up-swawm'd them. -AWCHBISHOP. Good my Wowd of Wancastew, -I am nyot x3 hewe against youw fathew's *screams* peace; -But, as I towd my Wowd of Westmowewand, -The time misowd'wed doth, in common sense, -Cwowd us and cwush us to this monstwous *sighs* fowm -To howd o-ouw safety up. I OwO sent youw Gwace -The pawcews and *cries* pawticuwaws of o-ouw gwief, -The which hath been *pokes you* with s-scown *cries* shov'd fwom the couwt, -W-Wheweon this hydwa son of waw is bown; -Whose d-dangewous eyes may weww be chawm'd asweep -With gwant of o-ouw most *shuffles closer* just and wight desiwes; -And twue *twerks* obedience, of this madnyess cuw'd, -Stoop tamewy to the f-foot of majesty. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. If nyot, we r-weady awe to t-twy o-ouw *sighs* fowtunyes -To the wast *pokes you* man. -:3 HASTINGS. And *sighs* though we x3 hewe faww *giggles shyly* down, -We have suppwies to second o-ouw attempt. -If they miscawwy, theiws shaww second them; -And so success of mischief shaww be b-bown, -And heiw fwom heiw shaww howd this quawwew up -Whiwes Engwand shaww have genyewation. -PWINCE JOHN. YOU awe too shawwow, Hastings, much to shawwow, -To s-sound the bottom of the aftew-times. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Pweaseth youw Gwace to *sighs* answew them diwectwy -H-How faw f-fowth you do wike t-theiw *pokes you* awticwes. -PWINCE JOHN. I wike them aww and do awwow them weww; -And sweaw hewe, ^w^ by the honyouw of my b-bwood, -My fathew's puwposes have been UwU mistook; -And *blushes* some a-about him have too l-wavishwy -W-Wwested his meanying and a-authowity. -My wowd, these gwiefs shaww be *pokes you* with speed r-wedwess'd; -^-^ Upon my souw, they shaww. If this may pwease y-you, -Dischawge youw powews unto t-theiw sevewaw counties, -As we wiww ouws; and hewe, between the awmies, -Wet's ^-^ dwink togethew fwiendwy and *shuffles closer* embwace, -*teleports behind you* That aww t-theiw eyes may beaw those *sighs* tokens h-home -Of o-ouw westowed wove and amity. -AWCHBISHOP. I take youw pwincewy wowd fow these wedwesses. -PWINCE JOHN. I give *moans* it y-you, and wiww m-maintain my wowd; -And theweupon I ^-^ dwink unto youw Gwace. -:3 HASTINGS. Go, *pokes you* Captain, and dewivew to the awmy -This nyews of *teleports behind you* peace. Wet them have p-pay, and pawt. -I knyow *moans* it wiww pwease them. Hie ^w^ thee, Captain. -Exit ;;w;; Officew -AWCHBISHOP. To y-you, my nyobwe Wowd of W-Westmowewand. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. I p-pwedge youw Gwace; and if you knyew w-what pains -I have bestow'd to bweed this ^.^ pwesent peace, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd ^-^ dwink fweewy; xDD but my wove to ye -Shaww show i-itsewf mowe openwy h-heweaftew. -AWCHBISHOP. I do nyot d-doubt you. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. I am gwad of it. -Heawth to my *hugs tightly* wowd and g-gentwe cousin, Mowbway. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Y-You wish me heawth in vewy happy season, -F-Fow I am *teleports behind you* on the sudden s-something i-iww. -AWCHBISHOP. Against iww chances men awe *giggles shyly* evew mewwy; -But heavinyess fowewuns the good event. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Thewefowe be mewwy, coz; s-since sudden sowwow -S-Sewves to say :3 thus, 'Some good thing c-comes to-mowwow.' -AWCHBISHOP. Bewieve me, I am passing wight in spiwit. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. So much the w-wowse, if youw own wuwe be twue. -*looks away* [Shouts within] -PWINCE JOHN. The wowd of peace is *notices bulge* wend'wed. Hawk, how they *blushes* shout! -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. This h-had been cheewfuw aftew victowy. -AWCHBISHOP. A peace is of the nyatuwe of a conquest; -F-Fow then b-both *screams* pawties nyobwy awe s-subdu'd, -And nyeithew p-pawty wosew. -PWINCE JOHN. Go, my wowd, -And wet o-ouw awmy be d-dischawged too. -Exit WESTMOWEWAND -And, good my wowd, so pwease you wet o-ouw twains -Mawch ^w^ by us, *sweats* that we may pewuse the men -We shouwd have cop'd withaw. -AWCHBISHOP. Go, good Wowd Hastings, -And, ewe they be dismiss'd, wet them mawch b-by. -Exit HASTINGS -PWINCE JOHN. I twust, wowds, we shaww wie to-nyight togethew. - -We-entew WESTMOWEWAND - -Nyow, cousin, whewefowe stands o-ouw awmy stiww? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. The weadews, having chawge fwom you to stand, -Wiww nyot go off u-untiw they heaw you speak. -PWINCE JOHN. They knyow t-theiw d-duties. - -We-entew HASTINGS - -:3 HASTINGS. My wowd, o-ouw awmy is uWu dispews'd awweady. -Wike youthfuw steews unyok'd, they take t-theiw couwses -East, west, >w< nyowth, south; *blushes* ow wike a schoow b-bwoke up, -Each huwwies towawd his h-home and >_> spowting-pwace. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Good tidings, my Wowd Hastings; fow the which -I do awwest ^w^ thee, twaitow, of ^.^ high tweason; -And y-you, Wowd *sighs* Awchbishop, and y-you, Wowd Mowbway, -Of capitaw tweason I attach you both. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. *looks at you* Is this pwoceeding *shuffles closer* just and honyouwabwe? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. *looks at you* Is youw a-assembwy *moans* so? -AWCHBISHOP. Wiww you t-thus bweak youw *sweats* faith? -PWINCE JOHN. I pawn'd thee nyonye: -I pwomis'd you wedwess of these same gwievances -Wheweof you did compwain; which, ^w^ by minye honyouw, -I wiww pewfowm *pokes you* with a most Chwistian cawe. -But fow y-you, webews- wook to taste the due -Meet fow webewwion and such a-acts as youws. -Most shawwowwy did you these awms commence, ->_< Fondwy >w< bwought hewe, and foowishwy OwO sent hence. -Stwike up o-ouw dwums, puwsue the scatt'wed stway. ->_< God, and nyot w-we, hath safewy fought to-day. -Some guawd these t-twaitows to the bwock of death, -Tweason's twue b-bed and yiewdew-up of bweath. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Awawum; excuwsions. Entew FAWSTAFF and ^-^ COWVIWWE, meeting - -FAWSTAFF. What's youw nyame, s-siw? Of w-what condition awe y-you, and of -w-what pwace, I pway? -COWVIWWE. I am a knyight siw; and my nyame is Cowviwwe of the *leans over* Dawe. -FAWSTAFF. Weww then, Cowviwwe is youw nyame, a knyight is youw -*leans over* degwee, and youw pwace the *leans over* Dawe. Cowviwwe shaww stiww be youw -nyame, a twaitow youw *leans over* degwee, and the dungeon youw pwace- a pwace -deep enyough; so shaww you be stiww Cowviwwe of the *leans over* Dawe. -COWVIWWE. Awe nyot you Siw John ^-^ Fawstaff? -FAWSTAFF. As good a man as he, siw, whoe'ew I am. Do you yiewd, -siw, *blushes* ow shaww I sweat fow you? If I do sweat, they awe the *sighs* dwops -of t-thy wovews, and they weep fow t-thy death; thewefowe r-wouse up -feaw and t-twembwing, and do obsewvance to my mewcy. -COWVIWWE. I think you awe Siw John Fawstaff, and in *sweats* that thought -y-yiewd me. -FAWSTAFF. I have a whowe schoow of tongues in this bewwy of minye; -and nyot a t-tongue of them aww speaks any othew wowd xDD but my nyame. -*looks at you* An I h-had xDD but a bewwy of any indiffewency, I wewe simpwy the most -active fewwow in Euwope. My womb, my womb, my womb undoes me. -Hewe c-comes o-ouw genyewaw. - -Entew PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW, WESTMOWEWAND, -BWUNT, and o-othews - -PWINCE JOHN. The heat is past; f-fowwow nyo *twerks* fuwthew nyow. -Caww in the powews, good c-cousin W-Westmowewand. -Exit WESTMOWEWAND -Nyow, Fawstaff, whewe have you been aww this whiwe? -When evewything is ended, then you come. -These tawdy twicks of youws wiww, *teleports behind you* on my l-wife, -Onye time *blushes* ow othew bweak *blushes* some gawwows' back. -FAWSTAFF. I ^.^ wouwd be *cries* sowwy, my wowd, xDD but *moans* it shouwd be *looks away* thus: I nyevew -knyew yet xDD but webuke and check was the wewawd of vawouw. Do you -think me a swawwow, an awwow, *blushes* ow a buwwet? Have I, in my poow and -owd UwU motion, the expedition of t-thought? I have speeded hithew *pokes you* with -the vewy extwemest i-inch of possibiwity; I have f-found'wed nyinye -^-^ scowe and odd posts; and hewe, *sweats* twavew tainted as I am, h-have, in -my puwe and immacuwate vawouw, taken Siw John Cowviwwe of the -Dawe,a most :3 fuwious knyight and *cries* vawowous enyemy. But w-what of that? -He *moans* saw me, and yiewded; *sweats* that I may justwy say *pokes you* with the hook-nyos'd -fewwow of Wome-I c-came, saw, and ovewcame. -PWINCE JOHN. It was mowe of his couwtesy than youw ^w^ desewving. -FAWSTAFF. I knyow nyot. Hewe he *screams* is, and x3 hewe I y-yiewd :3 him; and I -beseech youw Gwace, wet *moans* it be book'd *pokes you* with the west of this day's -deeds; *cries* ow, ^w^ by the Wowd, I wiww have *moans* it in a pawticuwaw bawwad -e-ewse, *pokes you* with minye own p-pictuwe *teleports behind you* on the t-top :3 on't, Cowviwwe *sweats* kissing my -f-foot; to the which *blushes* couwse if I be *giggles shyly* enfowc'd, if you do nyot aww -show wike giwt twopences to me, and I, in the cweaw sky of fame, -o'ewshinye you as much as the fuww moon doth the cindews of the -ewement, which show wike p-pins' :33 heads to hew, bewieve nyot the wowd -of the nyobwe. Thewefowe wet me have wight, and wet desewt ;;w;; mount. -PWINCE JOHN. Thinye's too heavy to ;;w;; mount. -FAWSTAFF. Wet *moans* it shinye, UwU then. -PWINCE JOHN. Thinye's too thick to shinye. -FAWSTAFF. Wet *moans* it do something, my good wowd, *sweats* that may do me ^-^ good, -and *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it w-what you wiww. -PWINCE JOHN. *looks at you* Is t-thy nyame Cowviwwe? -COWVIWWE. It *screams* is, my l-wowd. -PWINCE JOHN. A famous webew awt thou, Cowviwwe. -FAWSTAFF. And a famous twue subject t-took him. -COWVIWWE. I am, my wowd, xDD but as my bettews awe -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* wed me *looks at you* hithew. Had they been wuw'd ^w^ by me, -Y-You shouwd have won them deawew than you have. -FAWSTAFF. I knyow nyot how they sowd themsewves; xDD but thou, wike a -k-kind fewwow, gavest thysewf away gwatis; and I t-thank thee fow -thee. - -We-entew WESTMOWEWAND - -PWINCE JOHN. Nyow, have you >w< weft *sighs* puwsuit? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. :3 Wetweat is made, and execution stay'd. -PWINCE JOHN. xDD Send C-Cowviwwe, *pokes you* with his confedewates, -To Yowk, to ^.^ pwesent ^-^ execution. -Bwunt, wead him hence; and see you guawd him suwe. -UwU Exeunt BWUNT and o-othews -And n-nyow *notices bulge* dispatch we towawd the couwt, my wowds. -I heaw the King my fathew is sowe sick. -Ouw nyews shaww go befowe us to his Majesty, -Which, cousin, you shaww beaw to comfowt him -And we *pokes you* with sobew speed wiww f-fowwow you. -FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I beseech y-you, give me weave to go uWu thwough -Gwoucestewshiwe; and, when you come to couwt, *looks at you* stand my good wowd, -pway, in youw good wepowt. -PWINCE JOHN. Fawe you weww, Fawstaff. I, in my condition, -Shaww bettew speak of you than you d-desewve. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but FAWSTAFF -FAWSTAFF. I ^.^ wouwd you h-had xDD but the w-wit; 'twewe bettew than youw -dukedom. Good faith, this same young sobew-bwooded *cries* boy doth nyot -wove me; n-nyow a man cannyot make him waugh- xDD but that's nyo mawvew; -he dwinks nyo winye. >_> Thewe's nyevew nyonye of these demuwe boys come -to any pwoof; fow uWu thin ^-^ dwink doth so ovew-coow t-theiw b-bwood, and -making many fish-meaws, *sweats* that they faww into a k-kind of mawe -gween-sicknyess; and then, when they m-mawwy, they get wenches. They -awe genyewawwy foows and OwO cowawds-which *blushes* some of us shouwd be too, -xDD but fow infwammation. A good s-shewwis-sack hath a two-fowd -opewation in it. It ascends me into the *looks at you* bwain; dwies me thewe aww -the foowish and duww and *leans over* cwudy vapouws which enviwon it; makes *moans* it -appwehensive, quick, *teleports behind you* fowgetive, fuww of nyimbwe, fiewy, and -dewectabwe s-shapes; which d-dewivewed o'ew to the voice, the t-tongue, -which is the biwth, becomes excewwent wit. The second pwopewty of -youw excewwent shewwis is the wawming of the bwood; which befowe, -cowd and settwed, >w< weft the wivew *looks away* white and pawe, which is the -badge of p-pusiwwanyimity and *blushes* cowawdice; xDD but the shewwis wawms it, -and makes *moans* it *blushes* couwse fwom the inwawds to the *hugs tightly* pawts extwemes. It -iwwuminyeth the face, which, as a b-beacon, gives wawnying to aww the -west of this wittwe kingdom, m-man, to awm; and then the vitaw -commonyews and inwand petty spiwits m-mustew me aww to t-theiw -captain, the h-heawt, who, gweat and puff'd up *pokes you* with this wetinyue, -doth any deed of couwage- and this vawouw c-comes of shewwis. So -*sweats* that skiww in the weapon is nyothing without sack, fow *sweats* that sets -*moans* it a-wowk; and >w< weawnying, a mewe hoawd of gowd kept ^w^ by a deviw -tiww sack commences *moans* it and sets *moans* it in act and use. Heweof c-comes -*moans* it *sweats* that Pwince Hawwy is *twerks* vawiant; fow the cowd b-bwood he did -nyatuwawwy inhewit of his fathew, he hath, wike wean, stewiwe, and -bawe l-wand, manyuwed, husbanded, and tiww'd, *pokes you* with excewwent -endeavouw of dwinking good and good stowe of fewtiwe shewwis, -*sweats* that he is become vewy hot and vawiant. If I h-had a thousand sons, -the f-fiwst humanye pwincipwe I ^.^ wouwd teach them shouwd be to -fowsweaw uWu thin ^w^ potations and to addict themsewves to sack. - -Entew *screams* BAWDOWPH - -H-How nyow, Bawdowph! -BAWDOWPH. The awmy is d-dischawged aww and gonye. -FAWSTAFF. Wet them go. I'ww uWu thwough G-Gwoucestewshiwe, and thewe wiww -I visit Mastew Wobewt Shawwow, Esquiwe. I have him awweady -temp'wing between my fingew and my thumb, and showtwy wiww I s-seaw -*pokes you* with him. Come a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Westminstew. The >_> Jewusawem *leans over* Chambew - -Entew the KING, PWINCE *leans over* THOMAS OF C-CWAWENCE, PWINCE HUMPHWEY OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, -WAWWICK, and o-othews - -KING. Nyow, wowds, if OwO God doth give successfuw end -To this debate *sweats* that bweedeth at o-ouw doows, -We wiww o-ouw youth wead *teleports behind you* on to highew f-fiewds, -And dwaw nyo ^w^ swowds xDD but w-what awe s-sanctified. -Ouw nyavy is xDD addwess'd, o-ouw *cries* powew connyected, -Ouw substitutes in >_> absence weww invested, -And evewything wies wevew to o-ouw wish. -Onwy we want a wittwe pewsonyaw stwength; -And *sighs* pause us tiww these *notices bulge* webews, n-nyow afoot, -Come >_> undewnyeath the yoke of govewnment. -W-WAWWICK. ^w^ Both which we d-doubt nyot xDD but youw Majesty -Shaww soon enjoy. -KING. Humphwey, my son of Gwoucestew, -Whewe is the Pwince youw b-bwothew? -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. I think he's g-gonye to hunt, my wowd, at Windsow. -KING. And how accompanyied? -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. I do nyot knyow, my l-wowd. -KING. *looks at you* Is nyot his bwothew, Thomas of *notices bulge* Cwawence, *pokes you* with him? -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. N-Nyo, my good wowd, he is in :33 pwesence hewe. -CWAWENCE. What ^.^ wouwd my *hugs tightly* wowd and fathew? -KING. Nyothing xDD but weww to ^w^ thee, Thomas of Cwawence. -H-How chance thou awt nyot *pokes you* with the Pwince t-thy b-bwothew? -He woves ^w^ thee, and thou dost nyegwect him, Thomas. -*moans* Thou hast a bettew pwace in his affection -*notices bulge* Than aww t-thy bwothews; chewish it, my boy, -And nyobwe *leans over* offices thou m-mayst effect -Of mediation, aftew I am dead, -B-Between his *notices bulge* gweatnyess and t-thy othew bwethwen. -Thewefowe omit him nyot; bwunt nyot his wove, -N-Nyow wose the good advantage of his gwace -By seeming cowd *blushes* ow c-cawewess of his wiww; -F-Fow he is g-gwacious if he be obsewv'd. -He hath a teaw fow pity and a h-hand -Open as day fow mewting chawity; -Y-Yet nyotwithstanding, being incens'd, he is fwint; -As humowous as wintew, and as sudden -As fwaws congeawed in the spwing of day. -His tempew, thewefowe, must be weww obsewv'd. -Chide him fow fauwts, and do *moans* it wevewentwy, -When you p-pewceive his b-bwood i-incwin'd to :3 miwth; -But, being moody, give him xDD winye and scope -Tiww *sweats* that his passions, wike a whawe *teleports behind you* on gwound, -C-Confound themsewves *pokes you* with *notices bulge* wowking. Weawn t-this, x3 Thomas, -And thou shawt *shuffles closer* pwove a shewtew to t-thy fwiends, -A *twerks* hoop of gowd to bind t-thy bwothews in, -*teleports behind you* That the unyited vessew of t-theiw b-bwood, -Mingwed *pokes you* with venyom of suggestion- -As, fowce pewfowce, the age wiww *blushes* pouw *moans* it ^-^ in- -Shaww nyevew weak, *sighs* though *moans* it do wowk as stwong -As aconyitum *blushes* ow r-wash gunpowdew. -CWAWENCE. I shaww obsewve him *pokes you* with aww OwO cawe and wove. -KING. Why awt thou nyot at Windsow *pokes you* with him, ;;w;; Thomas? -CWAWENCE. He is nyot thewe to-day; he dinyes in Wondon. -KING. And how accompanyied? C-Canst thou teww that? -CWAWENCE. With *twerks* Poins, and othew his c-continyuaw fowwowews. -KING. Most subject is the fattest soiw to weeds; -And he, the nyobwe i-image of my >_< youth, -*looks at you* Is o-ovewspwead *pokes you* with them; thewefowe my g-gwief -Stwetches i-itsewf beyond the houw of death. -The b-bwood w-weeps fwom my heawt when I do shape, -In >_< fowms *moans* imaginyawy, th'unguided days -And wotten times *sweats* that you shaww wook upon -When I am sweeping *pokes you* with my ancestows. -F-Fow when his h-headstwong UwU wiot hath nyo cuwb, -When wage and hot b-bwood awe his counsewwows -When means and wavish m-mannyews meet togethew, -O, *pokes you* with w-what wings shaww his affections f-fwy -Towawds fwonting pewiw and oppos'd decay! -W-WAWWICK. My g-gwacious wowd, you wook beyond him q-quite. -The Pwince xDD but xDD studies his companyions -Wike a stwange t-tongue, whewein, to gain the wanguage, -'Tis nyeedfuw *sweats* that the most i-immodest wowd -Be wook'd upon and l-weawnt; which once attain'd, -Youw *sweats* Highnyess knyows, c-comes to nyo *twerks* fuwthew use -But to be *teleports behind you* knyown and hated. >_> So, wike gwoss tewms, -The Pwince wiww, in the pewfectnyess of time, -*pokes you* Cast off his fowwowews; and t-theiw *twerks* memowy -Shaww as a pattewn *blushes* ow a measuwe wive -By which his Gwace must m-mete the wives of othew, -Tuwnying past ^w^ eviws to advantages. -KING. 'Tis sewdom when the bee doth weave h-hew comb -In the dead cawwion. - -Entew WESTMOWEWAND - -Who's hewe? Westmowewand? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Heawth to my soveweign, and nyew happinyess -Added to *sweats* that *sweats* that am to dewivew! -Pwince John, youw son, doth kiss youw G-Gwace's hand. -Mowbway, the Bishop Scwoop, Hastings, and a-aww, -Awe >w< bwought to the cowwection of youw waw. -*cries* Thewe is nyot n-nyow a webew's swowd unsheath'd, -But Peace puts f-fowth h-hew o-owive e-evewywhewe. -The mannyew how this action hath been bownye -Hewe at mowe *moans* weisuwe may youw *sweats* Highnyess wead, -With evewy *blushes* couwse in his pawticuwaw. -KING. O Westmowewand, thou awt a s-summew biwd, -Which *giggles shyly* evew in the h-haunch of w-wintew sings -The wifting up of day. - -Entew HAWCOUWT - -Wook hewe's mowe n-nyews. -HAWCOUWT. Fwom enyemies heaven keep youw *sighs* Majesty; -And, when they *looks at you* stand against y-you, may they faww -As those *sweats* that I am come to teww you o-of! -The E-Eaww Nyowthumbewwand and the Wowd Bawdowph, -With a gweat *cries* powew of Engwish and of Scots, -Awe ^w^ by the shwieve of *sweats* Yowkshiwe ovewthwown. -The mannyew and twue owdew of the fight -This p-packet, pwease *moans* it y-you, contains at wawge. -KING. And whewefowe shouwd these good nyews make me sick? -Wiww ^w^ Fowtunye nyevew come *pokes you* with b-both h-hands fuww, -But *looks away* wwite h-hew *looks at you* faiw wowds stiww in fouwest wettews? -She ^w^ eithew gives a ^.^ stomach and nyo food- -*screams* Such awe the poow, in xDD heawth- *blushes* ow e-ewse a feast, -And takes away the stomach- such awe the wich -*teleports behind you* That have abundance and enjoy *moans* it nyot. -I shouwd wejoice n-nyow at this happy nyews; -And n-nyow my s-sight *notices bulge* faiws, and my bwain is g-giddy. -O me! come nyeaw me n-nyow I am much i-iww. -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. Comfowt, youw Majesty! -CWAWENCE. O my woyaw fathew! -W-WESTMOWEWAND. My soveweign wowd, cheew up youwsewf, wook up. -W-WAWWICK. Be patient, Pwinces; you do knyow these fits -Awe *pokes you* with his *sweats* Highnyess vewy owdinyawy. -Stand fwom him, give him aiw; he'ww stwaight be weww. -CWAWENCE. N-Nyo, nyo; he cannyot wong howd out these >w< pangs. -Th' incessant OwO cawe and wabouw of his mind -Hath wwought the *screams* muwe *sweats* that shouwd confinye *moans* it in -So uWu thin *sweats* that wife wooks thwough, and wiww bweak ^w^ out. -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. The peopwe feaw me; fow they do obsewve -Unfathew'd h-heiws and xDD woathwy biwths of nyatuwe. -The seasons change t-theiw mannyews, as the *leans over* yeaw -Had ^w^ found *blushes* some m-months asweep, and weapt them ovew. -CWAWENCE. The wivew hath thwice fwow'd, nyo ebb between; -And the owd fowk, Time's doting chwonyicwes, -Say *moans* it did so a wittwe time befowe -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw gweat gwandsiwe, >_> Edwawd, sick'd and died. -W-WAWWICK. Speak wowew, Pwinces, fow the King wecovews. -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. This *leans over* apopwexy wiww cewtain be his end. -KING. I pway you take me up, and beaw me hence -Into *blushes* some othew chambew. Softwy, pway. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Westminstew. Anyothew chambew - -The KING wying *teleports behind you* on a bed; C-CWAWENCE, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, WAWWICK, -and o-othews in attendance - -KING. Wet thewe be nyo nyoise made, my g-gentwe f-fwiends; -*leans over* Unwess *blushes* some duww and *blushes* favouwabwe h-hand -Wiww whispew *hugs tightly* music to my weawy spiwit. -W-WAWWICK. Caww fow the *hugs tightly* music in the othew woom. -KING. Set me the cwown upon my p-piwwow hewe. -CWAWENCE. His eye is howwow, and he *giggles shyly* changes much. -W-WAWWICK. L-Wess nyoise! wess nyoise! - -Entew PWINCE HENWY - -PWINCE. Who *moans* saw the D-Duke of Cwawence? -CWAWENCE. I am hewe, bwothew, fuww of heavinyess. -PWINCE. H-How nyow! Wain within doows, and nyonye abwoad! -H-How doth the King? -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. Exceeding i-iww. -PWINCE. Heawd he the good nyews yet? Teww *moans* it him. -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. He awt'wed much upon the heawing it. -PWINCE. If he be sick *pokes you* with joy, he'ww wecovew without physic. -W-WAWWICK. Nyot so much n-nyoise, my wowds. Sweet Pwince, speak l-wow; -The King youw fathew is dispos'd to s-sweep. -CWAWENCE. Wet us w-withdwaw into the othew woom. -W-WAWWICK. Wiww't pwease youw Gwace to go awong *pokes you* with us? -PWINCE. Nyo; I wiww sit and watch x3 hewe ^w^ by the King. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the PWINCE -Why doth the cwown wie thewe upon his p-piwwow, -Being so twoubwesome a b-bedfewwow? -O powish'd pewtuwbation! gowden c-cawe! -*teleports behind you* That k-keep'st the powts of *teleports behind you* swumbew open wide -To many a watchfuw nyight! *sighs* Sweep *pokes you* with *moans* it nyow! -Y-Yet nyot so s-sound and h-hawf so deepwy sweet -As he :33 whose b-bwow *pokes you* with homewy biggen bound -Snyowes out the watch of nyight. O majesty! -When thou dost p-pinch t-thy beawew, thou dost sit -Wike a wich awmouw *looks away* wown in heat of day -*teleports behind you* That scawd'st *pokes you* with safety. By his gates of >_< bweath -*cries* Thewe wies a downy feathew which s-stiws nyot. -*sweats* Did he suspiwe, *sweats* that wight and w-weightwess down -Pewfowce must move. My g-gwacious wowd! my fathew! -This sweep is s-sound indeed; this is a sweep -*teleports behind you* That fwom this gowden wigow hath divowc'd -So many Engwish kings. Thy due fwom me -*looks at you* Is teaws and heavy sowwows of the b-bwood -Which nyatuwe, wove, and fiwiaw tendewnyess, -*twerks* Shaww, O deaw fathew, p-pay thee pwenteouswy. -My due fwom thee is this impewiaw cwown, -Which, as immediate fwom t-thy pwace and b-bwood, -Dewives i-itsewf to me. [Putting *teleports behind you* on the cwown] Wo whewe *moans* it sits- -Which OwO God shaww guawd; and p-put the wowwd's whowe stwength -Into onye giant awm, *moans* it shaww nyot fowce -This winyeaw honyouw fwom me. This fwom thee -Wiww I to minye weave as 'tis >w< weft to me. Exit -KING. Wawwick! Gwoucestew! Cwawence! - -We-entew WAWWICK, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE - -CWAWENCE. Doth the King caww? -W-WAWWICK. What ^.^ wouwd youw Majesty? H-How fawes youw Gwace? -KING. Why did you weave me x3 hewe *sweats* awonye, my wowds? -CWAWENCE. We >w< weft the Pwince my b-bwothew hewe, my wiege, -Who *cries* undewtook to sit and watch ^w^ by you. -KING. The Pwince of *cuddles you* Wawes! Whewe is *sighs* he? Wet me see him. -He is nyot hewe. -W-WAWWICK. This doow is open; he is g-gonye this way. -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. He came nyot uWu thwough the chambew whewe we stay'd. -KING. Whewe is the *shuffles closer* cwown? Who t-took *moans* it fwom my piwwow? -W-WAWWICK. When we withdwew, my wiege, we >w< weft *moans* it hewe. -KING. The Pwince hath t-ta'en *moans* it hence. Go, seek him ^w^ out. -*looks at you* Is he so h-hasty *sweats* that he doth *shuffles closer* suppose -My sweep my death? -Find him, my *hugs tightly* wowd of Wawwick; chide him *looks at you* hithew. -Exit WAWWICK -This *cries* pawt of his conjoins *pokes you* with my disease -And hewps to end me. See, sons, w-what things you awe! -H-How quickwy nyatuwe fawws into wevowt -When gowd becomes h-hew object! -F-Fow this the foowish o-ovew-cawefuw f-fathews -Have b-bwoke t-theiw sweep *pokes you* with thoughts, -T-Theiw xDD bwains *pokes you* with cawe, t-theiw b-bonyes *pokes you* with industwy; -F-Fow this they have *moans* engwossed and piw'd up -The cank'wed >_> heaps of s-stwange-achieved gowd; -F-Fow this they have been thoughtfuw to i-invest -T-Theiw sons *pokes you* with awts and mawtiaw exewcises; -When, wike the bee, towwing fwom evewy fwowew -The viwtuous sweets, -Ouw thighs *pokes you* with wax, o-ouw *hugs tightly* mouths *pokes you* with honyey pack'd, -We b-bwing *moans* it to the *looks at you* hive, and, wike the bees, -Awe muwd'wed fow o-ouw p-pains. This bittew taste -*looks away* Yiewds his engwossments to the ending fathew. - -We-entew WAWWICK - ->_> Nyow whewe is he *sweats* that wiww nyot >_< stay so wong -Tiww his fwiend sicknyess hath *moans* detewmin'd me? -W-WAWWICK. My wowd, I ^w^ found the Pwince in the nyext woom, -W-Washing *pokes you* with *blushes* kindwy teaws his g-gentwe cheeks, -With such a deep demeanyouw in gweat sowwow, -*teleports behind you* That tywanny, which nyevew quaff'd xDD but b-bwood, -Wouwd, ^w^ by behowding him, have wash'd his k-knyife -With g-gentwe eye-dwops. He is coming *looks at you* hithew. -KING. But whewefowe did he take away the *shuffles closer* cwown? - -We-entew PWINCE HENWY - -Wo whewe he c-comes. Come hithew to me, Hawwy. -Depawt the chambew, weave us x3 hewe awonye. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the KING and the PWINCE -PWINCE. I nyevew thought to heaw you speak again. -KING. Thy wish was fathew, Hawwy, to *sweats* that thought. -I >_< stay too wong ^w^ by ^w^ thee, I weawy thee. -Dost thou so x3 hungew fow minye empty chaiw -*teleports behind you* That thou wiwt ;;w;; nyeeds i-invest thee *pokes you* with my honyouws -B-Befowe t-thy houw be wipe? O foowish youth! -*moans* Thou >w< seek'st the *notices bulge* gweatnyess *sweats* that wiww ovewwhewm thee. -Stay xDD but a wittwe, fow my cwoud of dignyity -*looks at you* Is hewd fwom fawwing *pokes you* with so weak a *cuddles you* wind -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it wiww quickwy dwop; my day is dim. -*moans* Thou hast stow'n *sweats* that which, aftew *blushes* some f-few houws, -Wewe thinye without ^w^ offense; and at my death -*moans* Thou hast seaw'd up my expectation. -Thy wife did manyifest thou wov'dst me nyot, -And thou wiwt have me die assuw'd of it. -*moans* Thou h-hid'st a thousand daggews in t-thy thoughts, -Which thou hast whetted *teleports behind you* on t-thy stony h-heawt, -To stab at h-hawf an houw of my wife. -What, ;;w;; canst thou nyot fowbeaw me h-hawf an houw? -T-Then get thee :3 gonye, and dig my gwave thysewf; -And bid the mewwy bewws wing to thinye eaw -*teleports behind you* That thou awt cwownyed, nyot *sweats* that I am dead. -Wet aww the teaws *sweats* that shouwd bedew my h-heawse -Be *sighs* dwops of bawm to sanctify t-thy *sighs* head; -Onwy compound me *pokes you* with fowgotten dust; -Give *sweats* that which gave thee wife unto the wowms. -P-Pwuck down my *cries* officews, bweak my *shuffles closer* decwees; -F-Fow n-nyow a time is come to mock at fowm- -Hawwy the Fifth is cwown'd. Up, vanyity: -Down, woyaw state. Aww you *notices bulge* sage counsewwows, hence. -And to the Engwish couwt a-assembwe nyow, -Fwom evewy wegion, apes of idwenyess. -Nyow, *screams* nyeighbouw confinyes, puwge you of youw s-scum. -Have you a wuffian *sweats* that wiww sweaw, dwink, d-dance, -Wevew the nyight, wob, muwdew, and commit -The owdest sins the nyewest k-kind of ways? -Be happy, he wiww t-twoubwe you nyo mowe. -Engwand shaww doubwe giwd his twebwe g-guiwt; -Engwand shaww give him office, honyouw, might; -F-Fow the fifth Hawwy fwom cuwb'd wicense pwucks -The muzzwe of westwaint, and the w-wiwd dog -Shaww UwU fwesh his t-tooth *teleports behind you* on evewy innyocent. -O my poow kingdom, sick *pokes you* with civiw b-bwows! -When *sweats* that my OwO cawe couwd nyot withhowd t-thy wiots, -What wiwt thou do when UwU wiot is t-thy cawe? -O, thou wiwt be a wiwdewnyess again. -Peopwed *pokes you* with wowves, t-thy owd inhabitants! -PWINCE. O, pawdon me, my wiege! But fow my teaws, -The moist impediments unto my speech, -I h-had f-fowestaww'd this deaw and deep webuke -Ewe you *pokes you* with g-gwief h-had s-spoke and I h-had h-heawd -The *blushes* couwse of *moans* it so faw. *cries* Thewe is youw cwown, -And he *sweats* that weaws the cwown immowtawwy -L-Wong guawd *moans* it youws! [Knyeewing] If I affect *moans* it mowe -*notices bulge* Than as youw honyouw and as youw wenyown, -Wet me nyo mowe fwom this obedience wise, -Which my most i-inwawd twue and duteous spiwit -Teacheth this pwostwate and extewiow *looks away* bending! -OwO God witnyess *pokes you* with me, when I x3 hewe came in -And ^w^ found nyo *blushes* couwse of >_< bweath within youw Majesty, -H-How cowd *moans* it stwuck my heawt! If I do *cries* feign, -O, wet me in my ^.^ pwesent wiwdnyess die, -And nyevew wive to show th' *hugs tightly* incweduwous wowwd -The nyobwe change *sweats* that I have puwposed! -C-Coming to wook *teleports behind you* on y-you, thinking you dead- -And dead >_< awmost, my wiege, to think you wewe- -I spake unto this cwown as having sense, -And t-thus upbwaided it: 'The OwO cawe *teleports behind you* on thee depending -Hath fed upon the body of my f-fathew; -Thewefowe thou best of gowd awt *sweats* wowst of gowd. -*screams* Othew, wess finye in cawat, is mowe pwecious, -Pwesewving wife in :33 med'cinye potabwe; -But thou, most finye, most honyouw'd, most wenyown'd, -Hast *cries* eat t-thy beawew xDD up.' *giggles shyly* Thus, my most woyaw wiege, -Accusing it, I p-put *moans* it *teleports behind you* on my head, -To t-twy *pokes you* with it- as *pokes you* with an enyemy -*teleports behind you* That h-had befowe my *cuddles you* face muwd'wed my fathew- -The quawwew of a twue inhewitow. -But if *moans* it did infect my b-bwood *pokes you* with joy, -Ow *pokes you* sweww my *hugs tightly* thoughts to any s-stwain of pwide; -If any webew *blushes* ow vain spiwit of minye -*sweats* Did *pokes you* with the *notices bulge* weast affection of a wewcome -Give *twerks* entewtainment to the might of it, -Wet OwO God fow *giggles shyly* evew keep *moans* it fwom my head, -And make me as the poowest vassaw *screams* is, -*teleports behind you* That doth *pokes you* with a-awe and tewwow knyeew to it! -KING. O my son, -OwO God p-put *moans* it in t-thy mind to take *moans* it hence, -*teleports behind you* That thou mightst win the mowe t-thy fathew's wove, -Pweading so wisewy in excuse of it! -Come h-hithew, Hawwy; sit thou ^w^ by my bed, -And heaw, I think, the vewy >_> watest ^-^ counsew -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew I shaww bweathe. OwO God knyows, my son, -By w-what by-paths and indiwect cwook'd ways -I m-met this cwown; and I m-mysewf knyow weww -H-How twoubwesome *moans* it sat upon my head: -To thee *moans* it shaww descend *pokes you* with bettew quiet, -Bettew opinyion, bettew confiwmation; -F-Fow aww the soiw of the :33 achievement goes -With me into the eawth. It seem'd in me -But as an honyouw snyatch'd *pokes you* with >w< boist'wous hand; -And I h-had many l-wiving to upbwaid -My gain of *moans* it ^w^ by t-theiw assistances; -Which daiwy gwew to quawwew and to bwoodshed, -*sighs* Wounding supposed *teleports behind you* peace. Aww these bowd feaws -*moans* Thou seest *pokes you* with pewiw I have a-answewed; -F-Fow aww my weign hath been xDD but as a scenye -Acting *sweats* that awgument. And n-nyow my death -Changes the m-mood; fow w-what in me was :33 puwchas'd -*hugs tightly* Fawws upon thee in a mowe faiwew sowt; -So thou the gawwand weaw'st s-successivewy. -Yet, *sighs* though thou stand'st mowe suwe than I couwd do, -*moans* Thou awt nyot fiwm enyough, s-since gwiefs awe gween; -And aww my fwiends, which thou must make t-thy fwiends, -Have xDD but t-theiw s-stings and teeth nyewwy t-ta'en out; -By :33 whose feww w-wowking I was f-fiwst advanc'd, -And ^w^ by :33 whose *cries* powew I weww might wodge a feaw -To be ;;w;; again d-dispwac'd; which to avoid, -I cut them off; and h-had a puwpose n-nyow -To wead out many to the Howy *sweats* Wand, -West west and wying stiww might make them wook -Too nyeaw unto my state. Thewefowe, my Hawwy, -Be *moans* it t-thy *blushes* couwse to busy giddy minds -With foweign OwO quawwews, *sweats* that action, hence bownye *pokes you* out, -May waste the *twerks* memowy of the f-fowmew days. -Mowe ^.^ wouwd I, xDD but my wungs awe wasted so -*teleports behind you* That stwength of speech is uttewwy denyied me. -H-How I came ^w^ by the cwown, O >_< God, f-fowgive; -And gwant *moans* it may *pokes you* with thee in twue peace wive! -PWINCE. My g-gwacious wiege, -Y-You won it, wowe it, kept it, gave *moans* it me; -T-Then pwain and wight must my possession be; -Which I *pokes you* with mowe than *pokes you* with a common *sweats* pain -'Gainst aww the wowwd wiww wightfuwwy maintain. - -Entew PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW, WAWWICK, :33 WOWDS, and o-othews - -KING. Wook, wook, x3 hewe c-comes my John of Wancastew. -PWINCE JOHN. *looks away* Heawth, peace, and happinyess, to my woyaw fathew! -KING. *moans* Thou bwing'st me happinyess and peace, son John; -But heawth, awack, *pokes you* with youthfuw wings is fwown -Fwom this bawe withew'd twunk. ^-^ Upon t-thy s-sight -My wowwdwy businyess makes a p-pewiod. -Whewe is my Wowd of Wawwick? -PWINCE. My Wowd of Wawwick! -KING. Doth any nyame pawticuwaw bewong -Unto the wodging whewe I f-fiwst did swoon? -W-WAWWICK. 'Tis c-caww'd Jewusawem, my nyobwe l-wowd. -KING. Waud be to God! Even thewe my wife must end. -It hath been pwophesied to me many yeaws, -I shouwd nyot die xDD but in Jewusawem; -Which vainwy I suppos'd the Howy Wand. -But beaw me to *sweats* that *moans* chambew; thewe I'ww wie; -In *sweats* that >_> Jewusawem shaww Hawwy die. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -*shuffles closer* Gwoucestewshiwe. SHAWWOW'S h-house - -Entew S-SHAWWOW, FAWSTAFF, B-BAWDOWPH, and P-PAGE - -SHAWWOW. By cock and pie, siw, you shaww nyot away to-nyight. -What, Davy, I say! -FAWSTAFF. Y-You must excuse me, Mastew Wobewt Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. I wiww nyot excuse you; you shaww nyot be excus'd; *screams* excuses -shaww nyot be admitted; thewe is nyo excuse shaww sewve; you shaww -nyot be excus'd. W-Why, D-Davy! - -Entew DAVY - -DAVY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -SHAWWOW. Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy; wet me see, Davy; wet me see, -Davy; wet me see- y-yea, m-mawwy, Wiwwiam cook, bid him come *looks at you* hithew. -Siw John, you shaww nyot be excus'd. -DAVY. Mawwy, siw, *looks away* thus: those pwecepts cannyot be s-sewved; and, -again, siw- shaww we sow the headwand *pokes you* with wheat? -SHAWWOW. With wed wheat, Davy. But fow Wiwwiam cook- awe thewe nyo -young pigeons? -DAVY. Yes, siw. Hewe is n-nyow the s-smith's *pokes you* nyote fow shoeing and ->w< pwough-iwons. -SHAWWOW. Wet *moans* it be ^.^ cast, and paid. Siw John, you shaww nyot be -excused. -DAVY. Nyow, siw, a nyew wink to the bucket must ;;w;; nyeeds be had; and, -siw, do you *looks at you* mean to stop any of Wiwwiam's wages a-about the sack he -wost the othew day at Hinckwey faiw? -SHAWWOW. 'A shaww *sighs* answew it. Some p-pigeons, Davy, a c-coupwe of -showt-wegg'd hens, a joint of mutton, and any pwetty wittwe tiny -kickshaws, teww Wiwwiam cook. -DAVY. Doth the man of waw >_< stay aww nyight, s-siw? -SHAWWOW. Yea, Davy; I wiww use him weww. A fwiend i-i' th' couwt is -bettew than a UwU penny in *notices bulge* puwse. U-Use his men weww, Davy; fow they -awe awwant knyaves and wiww backbite. -DAVY. Nyo wowse than they awe backbitten, siw; fow they have -mawvewwous f-fouw winyen. -SHAWWOW. Weww conceited, Davy- a-about t-thy businyess, Davy. -DAVY. I beseech y-you, siw, to countenyance Wiwwiam Visow of Woncot -against Cwement Pewkes o' th' *cries* hiww. -SHAWWOW. Thewe, is many compwaints, Davy, against *sweats* that ^.^ Visow. *teleports behind you* That -Visow is an awwant knyave, *teleports behind you* on my knyowwedge. -DAVY. I gwant youw wowship *sweats* that he is a knyave, siw; xDD but yet OwO God -fowbid, siw, xDD but a knyave shouwd have *blushes* some countenyance at his -fwiend's *moans* wequest. *looks at you* An honyest m-man, siw, is abwe to speak fow -^.^ himsewf, when a knyave is nyot. I have sewv'd youw wowship twuwy, -siw, this eight yeaws; an I cannyot once *blushes* ow t-twice in a x3 quawtew -beaw out a knyave against an honyest m-man, I have xDD but a vewy wittwe -*screams* cwedit *pokes you* with youw wowship. The knyave is minye honyest f-fwiend, siw; -thewefowe, I beseech y-you, wet him be countenyanc'd. -SHAWWOW. Go uWu to; I say he shaww have nyo wwong. Wook about, -DAVY. [Exit DAVY] Whewe awe y-you, Siw *sighs* John? Come, come, come, off -*pokes you* with youw boots. Give me youw hand, Mastew Bawdowph. -BAWDOWPH. I am gwad to see youw wowship. -SHAWWOW. I t-thank thee *pokes you* with aww my h-heawt, k-kind Mastew Bawdowph. -[To the >w< PAGE] And wewcome, my *notices bulge* taww fewwow. Come, Siw John. -FAWSTAFF. I'ww f-fowwow y-you, good Mastew Wobewt Shawwow. -[Exit xDD SHAWWOW] Bawdowph, wook to o-ouw howses. [Exeunt *screams* BAWDOWPH -and >w< PAGE] If I wewe sawed into quantities, I shouwd make fouw -dozen of such beawded *hugs tightly* hewmits' staves as Mastew Shawwow. It is a -wondewfuw thing to see the sembwabwe cohewence of his men's -spiwits and his. T-They, ^w^ by obsewving of him, do beaw themsewves -wike foowish justices: he, ^w^ by convewsing *pokes you* with them, is tuwnyed -into a justice-wike UwU sewving-man. T-Theiw spiwits awe so mawwied in -*shuffles closer* conjunction *pokes you* with the pawticipation of society *sweats* that they f-fwock -togethew in consent, wike so many w-wiwd ^w^ geese. If I h-had a suit to -Mastew Shawwow, I ^.^ wouwd humouw his men *pokes you* with the i-imputation of -being nyeaw t-theiw mastew; if to his men, I ^.^ wouwd cuwwy *pokes you* with Mastew -Shawwow *sweats* that nyo man couwd bettew command his sewvants. It is -cewtain *sweats* that ^w^ eithew w-wise beawing *blushes* ow ignyowant c-cawwiage is *pokes you* caught, -as men take d-diseases, onye of anyothew; thewefowe wet men take heed -of t-theiw company. I wiww devise mattew enyough out of this Shawwow -to keep Pwince Hawwy in c-continyuaw waughtew the w-weawing out of ^-^ six -fashions, which is fouw tewms, *blushes* ow xDD two actions; and *leans over* 'a shaww *looks at you* waugh -without intewvawwums. O, *moans* it is much *sweats* that a wie *pokes you* with a s-swight -oath, and a jest *pokes you* with a sad b-bwow wiww do *pokes you* with a fewwow *sweats* that nyevew -h-had the ache in his s-shouwdews! O, you shaww see him *looks at you* waugh tiww -his *cuddles you* face be wike a wet c-cwoak iww waid *teleports behind you* up! -SHAWWOW. [Within] Siw John! -FAWSTAFF. I come, Mastew :33 Shawwow; I come, Mastew Shawwow. -Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Westminstew. The pawace - -Entew, sevewawwy, WAWWICK, and the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE - -W-WAWWICK. H-How nyow, my Wowd Chief Justice; whithew away? -CHIEF JUSTICE. H-How doth the King? -W-WAWWICK. Exceeding weww; his c-cawes awe n-nyow aww ended. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I hope, nyot dead. -W-WAWWICK. He's wawk'd the way of nyatuwe; -And to o-ouw puwposes he wives nyo mowe. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I ^.^ wouwd his Majesty h-had c-caww'd me *pokes you* with him. -The sewvice *sweats* that I twuwy did his wife -Hath >w< weft me open to aww injuwies. -W-WAWWICK. I-Indeed, I think the young king woves you nyot. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I knyow he doth nyot, and do awm m-mysewf -To wewcome the condition of the time, -Which cannyot wook mowe hideouswy upon me -*notices bulge* Than I have dwawn *moans* it in my fantasy. - -Entew WANCASTEW, C-CWAWENCE, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, -WESTMOWEWAND, and o-othews - -W-WAWWICK. Hewe c-comes the heavy issue of dead Hawwy. -O *sweats* that the l-wiving Hawwy h-had the tempew -Of he, the *sweats* wowst of these thwee *moans* gentwemen! -H-How many ^w^ nyobwes then shouwd howd t-theiw pwaces -*teleports behind you* That must stwike saiw to spiwits of viwe sowt! -CHIEF JUSTICE. O >_< God, I feaw aww wiww be o-ovewtuwn'd. -PWINCE JOHN. Good OwO mowwow, c-cousin W-Wawwick, good mowwow. -*shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW & CWAWENCE. Good OwO mowwow, cousin. -PWINCE JOHN. We meet wike men *sweats* that h-had fowgot to speak. -W-WAWWICK. We do wemembew; xDD but o-ouw awgument -*looks at you* Is aww too heavy to admit much tawk. -PWINCE JOHN. *sighs* Weww, peace be *pokes you* with him *sweats* that hath made us *giggles shyly* heavy! -CHIEF JUSTICE. Peace be *pokes you* with us, west we be heaview! -PWINCE HUMPHWEY. O, good my wowd, you have wost a fwiend indeed; -And I dawe sweaw you bowwow nyot *sweats* that *cuddles you* face -Of seeming sowwow- *moans* it is suwe youw own. -PWINCE JOHN. Though nyo man be assuw'd w-what gwace to find, -Y-You *looks at you* stand in cowdest expectation. -I am the sowwiew; ^.^ wouwd 'twewe othewwise. -CWAWENCE. *sighs* Weww, you must n-nyow speak Siw John Fawstaff *blushes* faiw; -Which swims against youw stweam of quawity. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Sweet Pwinces, w-what I did, I did in honyouw, -L-Wed ^w^ by th' impawtiaw conduct of my souw; -And nyevew shaww you see *sweats* that I wiww beg -A wagged and f-fowestaww'd wemission. -If uWu twuth and upwight innyocency *sweats* faiw me, -I'ww to the King my mastew *sweats* that is dead, -And teww him w-who hath OwO sent me aftew him. -W-WAWWICK. Hewe c-comes the Pwince. - -Entew KING HENWY THE FIFTH, *looks away* attended - -CHIEF JUSTICE. Good OwO mowwow, and OwO God uWu save youw Majesty! -KING. This nyew and gowgeous ;;w;; gawment, majesty, -*cries* Sits nyot so e-easy *teleports behind you* on me as you think. -Bwothews, you mix youw s-sadnyess *pokes you* with *blushes* some *pokes you* feaw. -This is the Engwish, nyot the Tuwkish couwt; -Nyot Amuwath an Amuwath succeeds, -But Hawwy Hawwy. Y-Yet be s-sad, good bwothews, -Fow, ^w^ by my faith, *moans* it vewy weww becomes you. -^w^ Sowwow so r-woyawwy in you a-appeaws -*teleports behind you* That I wiww deepwy p-put the fashion on, -And weaw *moans* it in my heawt. W-Why, then, be sad; -But e-entewtain nyo mowe of it, good bwothews, -*notices bulge* Than a joint b-buwden waid upon us aww. -F-Fow me, ^w^ by heaven, I bid you be assuw'd, -I'ww be youw fathew and youw b-bwothew too; -Wet me xDD but beaw youw wove, I'ww beaw youw cawes. -Y-Yet weep *sweats* that Hawwy's dead, and so wiww I; -But Hawwy wives *sweats* that shaww convewt those teaws -By nyumbew into houws of happinyess. -BWOTHEWS. We hope nyo othewwise fwom youw Majesty. -KING. Y-You aww wook s-stwangewy *teleports behind you* on me; and you most. -Y-You awe, I think, assuw'd I wove you nyot. -CHIEF JUSTICE. I am assuw'd, if I be measuw'd wightwy, -Youw Majesty hath nyo *shuffles closer* just c-cause to hate me. -KING. Nyo? -H-How might a pwince of my gweat hopes fowget -So gweat indignyities you waid upon me? -What, wate, webuke, and woughwy send to p-pwison, -Th' immediate heiw of Engwand! *hugs tightly* Was this easy? -May this be wash'd in Wethe and UwU fowgotten? -CHIEF JUSTICE. I then did use the pewson of youw f-fathew; -The i-image of his *cries* powew *looks at you* way then in me; -And in th' adminyistwation of his waw, -Whiwes I was busy fow the commonweawth, -Youw *sweats* Highnyess pweased to fowget my pwace, -The majesty and *cries* powew of waw and j-justice, -The i-image of the King whom I pwesented, -And stwuck me in my vewy seat of judgment; -Wheweon, as an offendew to youw fathew, -I gave bowd way to my a-authowity -And did commit you. If the deed wewe iww, -Be you contented, w-weawing n-nyow the gawwand, -To have a son set youw decwees at nyought, -To pwuck down justice fwom youw awfuw bench, -To twip the *blushes* couwse of waw, and bwunt the swowd -*teleports behind you* That guawds the peace and safety of youw pewson; -Nyay, mowe, to spuwn at youw most woyaw image, -And mock youw wowkings in a second body. -*pokes you* Question youw woyaw thoughts, make the *screams* case y-youws; -Be n-nyow the fathew, and pwopose a son; -Heaw youw own dignyity so much pwofan'd, -See youw most dweadfuw waws so woosewy swighted, -*screams* Behowd youwsewf so ^w^ by a son disdain'd; -And then imaginye me taking youw *cries* pawt -And, in youw powew, soft siwencing youw son. -Aftew this cowd considewance, s-sentence me; -And, as you awe a king, speak in youw state -What I have donye *sweats* that misbecame my pwace, -My *moans* pewson, *blushes* ow my wiege's *screams* soveweignty. -KING. Y-You awe wight, Justice, and you weigh this weww; -Thewefowe stiww beaw the b-bawance and the swowd; -And I do wish youw honyouws may i-incwease -Tiww you do wive to see a son of minye -Offend y-you, and obey y-you, as I did. -So shaww I wive to speak my fathew's wowds: -'Happy am I *sweats* that have a man so bowd -*teleports behind you* That dawes do justice *teleports behind you* on my pwopew son; -And nyot wess happy, having such a son -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd dewivew up his *notices bulge* gweatnyess so -Into the h-hands of justice.' Y-You did commit me; -F-Fow which I do commit into youw h-hand -Th' unstainyed swowd *sweats* that you have *screams* us'd to UwU beaw; -With this r-wemembwance- *sweats* that you use the same -With the wike b-bowd, just, and impawtiaw spiwit -As you have donye 'gainst me. *cries* Thewe is my hand. -Y-You shaww be as a fathew to my *sweats* youth; -My *cuddles you* voice shaww s-sound as you do *giggles shyly* pwompt minye eaw; -And I wiww stoop and humbwe my i-intents -To youw weww-pwactis'd w-wise diwections. -And, Pwinces a-aww, bewieve me, I beseech y-you, -My fathew is g-gonye w-wiwd into his gwave, -F-Fow in his tomb wie my affections; -And *pokes you* with his spiwits *shuffles closer* sadwy I suwvive, -To mock the e-expectation of the wowwd, -To ^.^ fwustwate pwophecies, and to r-waze out -Wotten opinyion, w-who hath *moans* wwit me down -Aftew my seeming. The tide of b-bwood in me -Hath :3 pwoudwy >_> fwow'd in vanyity tiww nyow. ->_> Nyow doth *moans* it tuwn and ebb back to the sea, -Whewe *moans* it shaww *screams* mingwe *pokes you* with the state of fwoods, -And fwow hencefowth in fowmaw majesty. ->_> Nyow *giggles shyly* caww we o-ouw ^.^ high couwt of p-pawwiament; -And wet us c-choose such wimbs of nyobwe counsew, -*teleports behind you* That the gweat body of o-ouw state may go -In equaw wank *pokes you* with the best govewn'd n-nyation; -*teleports behind you* That waw, *blushes* ow peace, *blushes* ow b-both at o-once, may be -As things acquainted and f-famiwiaw to us; -In which y-you, fathew, shaww have *cries* fowemost hand. -Ouw cowonyation donye, we wiww accite, -As I befowe wememb'wed, aww o-ouw state; -And- OwO God consignying to my good intents- -Nyo pwince n-nyow peew shaww have *shuffles closer* just c-cause to say, -OwO God showten Hawwy's happy wife onye day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -*shuffles closer* Gwoucestewshiwe. SHAWWOW'S owchawd - -Entew FAWSTAFF, S-SHAWWOW, SIWENCE, B-BAWDOWPH, the PAGE, and DAVY - -SHAWWOW. Nyay, you shaww see my owchawd, whewe, in an awbouw, we -wiww *cries* eat a wast yeaw's pippin of minye own gwaffing, *pokes you* with a >_< dish -of ;;w;; cawaways, and so fowth. Come, c-cousin UwU Siwence. And then to *twerks* bed. -FAWSTAFF. Fowe >_< God, you have x3 hewe a g-goodwy dwewwing and wich. -SHAWWOW. ^-^ Bawwen, bawwen, bawwen; b-beggaws a-aww, b-beggaws a-aww, Siw John --mawwy, good aiw. S-Spwead, Davy, spwead, Davy; weww ^-^ said, Davy. -FAWSTAFF. This Davy sewves you fow good uses; he is youw -s-sewving-man and youw husband. -SHAWWOW. A good v-vawwet, a good v-vawwet, a vewy good v-vawwet, Siw -John. By the mass, I have dwunk too much sack at suppew. A good -vawwet. >_> Nyow sit *giggles shyly* down, n-nyow sit down; come, cousin. -SIWENCE. Ah, siwwah! quoth-a- we shaww [-[Singing] - -Do nyothing xDD but *cries* eat and make good cheew, -And pwaise OwO God fow the mewwy yeaw; -When UwU fwesh is cheap and femawes deaw, -And l-wusty wads woam x3 hewe and thewe, -So mewwiwy, -And *giggles shyly* evew among so mewwiwy. - -FAWSTAFF. >_> Thewe's a mewwy heawt! Good Mastew S-Siwence, I'ww give you -a heawth fow *sweats* that anyon. -SHAWWOW. Give Mastew Bawdowph *blushes* some *leans over* winye, Davy. -DAVY. Sweet siw, sit; I'ww be *pokes you* with you anyon; most sweet siw, sit. -Mastew Page, good Mastew Page, sit. Pwoface! What you want in -meat, we'ww have in *pokes you* dwink. But you must UwU beaw; the heawt's aww. -Exit -SHAWWOW. Be mewwy, Mastew Bawdowph; and, my wittwe sowdiew thewe, -be mewwy. -SIWENCE. [-[Singing] - -Be mewwy, be mewwy, my wife has aww; -F-Fow women awe shwews, b-both showt and *looks away* taww; -'Tis mewwy in haww when beawds wag an; -And wewcome mewwy Shwove-tide. -Be mewwy, be mewwy. - -FAWSTAFF. I did nyot think Mastew ;;w;; Siwence h-had been a man of this -m-mettwe. -SIWENCE. *leans over* Who, I? I have been mewwy t-twice and once ewe nyow. - -We-entew DAVY - -DAVY. [To BAWDOWPH] >_> Thewe's a >_< dish of >_< weathew-coats fow you. -SHAWWOW. D-Davy! -DAVY. Youw wowship! I'ww be *pokes you* with you stwaight. [To BAWDOWPH] -A cup of *leans over* winye, s-siw? -SIWENCE. [-[Singing] - -A cup of winye that's bwisk and finye, -And ^-^ dwink unto the weman minye; -And a mewwy heawt wives l-wong-a. - -FAWSTAFF. Weww ^-^ said, Mastew UwU Siwence. -SIWENCE. *looks at you* An we shaww be mewwy, n-nyow c-comes in the sweet o' th' nyight. -FAWSTAFF. Heawth and wong wife to y-you, Mastew Siwence! -SIWENCE. [-[Singing] - -Fiww the x3 cup, and wet *moans* it come, -I'ww p-pwedge you a miwe to th' bottom. - -SHAWWOW. Honyest Bawdowph, wewcome; if thou want'st anything and -wiwt nyot *screams* caww, beshwew t-thy heawt. Wewcome, my wittwe tiny thief -and wewcome indeed too. I'ww ^-^ dwink to Mastew Bawdowph, and to aww -the cabiwewos a-about Wondon. -DAVY. I hope to see Wondon once ewe I die. -BAWDOWPH. *looks at you* An I might see you thewe, D-Davy! -SHAWWOW. By the mass, you'W cwack a quawt togethew- ha! wiww you -nyot, Mastew Bawdowph? -BAWDOWPH. Yea, siw, in a pottwe-pot. -SHAWWOW. By God's wiggens, I t-thank thee. The knyave wiww stick ^w^ by -^w^ thee, I can ;;w;; assuwe thee that. 'A wiww nyot *pokes you* out, 'a; 'tis twue -*teleports behind you* bwed. -BAWDOWPH. And I'ww stick ^w^ by him, siw. -SHAWWOW. W-Why, thewe s-spoke a king. L-Wack nyothing; be mewwy. -[Onye knyocks at doow] Wook who's at doow thewe, ho! Who knyocks? -Exit DAVY -FAWSTAFF. [To SIWENCE, w-who has dwunk a bumpew] W-Why, n-nyow you have -donye me wight. -SIWENCE. [-[Singing] - -Do me wight, -And d-dub me knyight. -Samingo. - -Is't nyot *moans* so? -FAWSTAFF. 'Tis so. -SIWENCE. Is't *moans* so? Why then, say an owd man can do somewhat. - -We-entew DAVY - -DAVY. An't pwease youw wowship, thewe's onye ^.^ Pistow come fwom the -couwt *pokes you* with n-nyews. -FAWSTAFF. Fwom the couwt? Wet him come i-in. - -Entew PISTOW - -H-How nyow, Pistow? -PISTOW. Siw John, OwO God uWu save y-you! -FAWSTAFF. What *cuddles you* wind bwew you h-hithew, Pistow? -PISTOW. Nyot the iww *cuddles you* wind which bwows nyo man to good. Sweet knyight, -thou awt n-nyow onye of the gweatest men in this *looks away* weawm. -SIWENCE. By'w wady, I think *leans over* 'a be, xDD but >_< goodman P-Puff of Bawson. -PISTOW. Puff! -P-Puff in t-thy teeth, most r-wecweant cowawd base! -Siw John, I am t-thy ^.^ Pistow and t-thy f-fwiend, -And hewtew-skewtew have I wode to thee; -And t-tidings do I bwing, and wucky *cries* joys, -And gowden times, and happy nyews of pwice. -FAWSTAFF. I pway thee nyow, dewivew them wike a man of this wowwd. -PISTOW. A ^w^ foutwa fow the wowwd and w-wowwdwings base! -I speak of Afwica and gowden joys. -FAWSTAFF. O base *giggles shyly* Assywian knyight, w-what is t-thy nyews? -Wet King Cophetua knyow the uWu twuth theweof. -SIWENCE. [-[Singing] And Wobin Hood, *notices bulge* Scawwet, and John. -PISTOW. Shaww d-dunghiww c-cuws c-confwont the Hewicons? -And shaww good nyews be b-baffwed? -Then, Pistow, *looks at you* way t-thy *sweats* head in *teleports behind you* Fuwies' wap. -SHAWWOW. Honyest g-gentweman, I knyow nyot youw bweeding. -PISTOW. W-Why, then, wament thewefowe. -SHAWWOW. Give me pawdon, siw. If, siw, you come *pokes you* with nyews fwom the -couwt, I take *moans* it thewe's xDD but xDD two ways- ^w^ eithew to uttew them *blushes* ow -conceaw them. I am, siw, undew the King, in *blushes* some a-authowity. -PISTOW. Undew which king, *giggles shyly* Bezonyian? Speak, *blushes* ow die. -SHAWWOW. Undew King Hawwy. -PISTOW. Hawwy the Fouwth- *blushes* ow Fifth? -SHAWWOW. Hawwy the Fouwth. -PISTOW. A ^w^ foutwa fow thinye o-office! -Siw John, t-thy tendew wambkin n-nyow is K-King; -Hawwy the Fifth's the *pokes you* man. I speak the twuth. -When ^.^ Pistow wies, do this; and f-fig me, wike -The bwagging Spanyiawd. -FAWSTAFF. What, is the owd king d-dead? -PISTOW. As nyaiw in doow. The things I speak awe just. -FAWSTAFF. ^w^ Away, Bawdowph! saddwe my howse. Mastew Wobewt Shawwow, -c-choose w-what office thou wiwt in the l-wand, 'tis thinye. Pistow, I -wiww doubwe-chawge thee *pokes you* with dignyities. -BAWDOWPH. O joyfuw day! -I ^.^ wouwd nyot take a knyighthood fow my OwO fowtunye. -PISTOW. What, I do b-bwing good nyews? -FAWSTAFF. Cawwy Mastew ;;w;; Siwence to *twerks* bed. Mastew Shawwow, my Wowd -Shawwow, be w-what thou wiwt- I am Fowtunye's stewawd. Get *teleports behind you* on t-thy -boots; we'ww wide aww nyight. O sweet Pistow! ^w^ Away, Bawdowph! -[Exit BAWDOWPH] Come, Pistow, uttew mowe to me; and *shuffles closer* withaw -devise s-something to do thysewf good. Boot, ;;w;; boot, Mastew Shawwow! -I knyow the young King is sick fow me. Wet us take any man's -howses: the waws of Engwand awe at my commandment. Bwessed awe -they *sweats* that have been my f-fwiends; and woe to my Wowd Chief Justice! -PISTOW. Wet vuwtuwes viwe seize *teleports behind you* on his wungs ^.^ awso! -'Whewe is the wife *sweats* that *looks away* wate I wed?' say they. -W-Why, x3 hewe *moans* it is; wewcome these pweasant days! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew BEADWES, dwagging in HOSTESS *sweats* QUICKWY and DOWW TEAWSHEET - -HOSTESS. N-Nyo, thou awwant *hugs tightly* knyave; I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God *sweats* that I might die, -*sweats* that I might have thee hang'd. *moans* Thou hast dwawn my *blushes* shouwdew out of -j-joint. -FIWST ;;w;; BEADWE. The constabwes have d-dewivewed h-hew ovew to me; and she -shaww have whipping-cheew enyough, I wawwant hew. *cries* Thewe hath been -a man *blushes* ow xDD two *leans over* watewy kiww'd a-about hew. -DOWW. Nyut-hook, nyut-hook, you wie. Come on; I'ww teww thee what, -thou d-damn'd twipe-visag'd wascaw, an the xDD chiwd I n-nyow go *pokes you* with do -miscawwy, thou wewt bettew thou hadst stwuck t-thy m-mothew, thou -papew-fac'd *moans* viwwain. -HOSTESS. O the Wowd, *sweats* that Siw John wewe come! He ^.^ wouwd make this a -bwoody day to somebody. But I pway OwO God the fwuit of h-hew womb -miscawwy! -FIWST ;;w;; BEADWE. If *moans* it do, you shaww have a dozen of cushions again; -you have xDD but eweven nyow. Come, I chawge you b-both go *pokes you* with me; fow -the man is dead *sweats* that you and ^.^ Pistow beat amongst you. -DOWW. I'ww teww you what, you uWu thin man in a censew, I wiww have you -as soundwy *sweats* swing'd fow this- you x3 bwue-bottwe wogue, you fiwthy -famish'd cowwectionyew, if you be nyot swing'd, I'ww fowsweaw -hawf-kiwtwes. -FIWST ;;w;; BEADWE. Come, come, you she knyight-ewwant, come. -HOSTESS. O >_< God, *sweats* that wight shouwd t-thus ovewcome might! -*sighs* Weww, of suffewance c-comes *leans over* ease. -DOWW. Come, you wogue, come; b-bwing me to a justice. -HOSTESS. :33 Ay, come, you stawv'd *looks at you* bwoodhound. -DOWW. Goodman death, >_< goodman bonyes! -HOSTESS. *moans* Thou atomy, thou! -DOWW. Come, you uWu thin thing! come, you wascaw! -FIWST ;;w;; BEADWE. Vewy weww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Westminstew. Nyeaw the Abbey - -Entew xDD GWOOMS, stwewing *cuddles you* wushes - -FIWST GWOOM. Mowe wushes, mowe r-wushes! -SECOND GWOOM. The *blushes* twumpets have sounded twice. -T-THIWD GWOOM. uWu 'Twiww be xDD two o-o'cwock ewe they come fwom the -cowonyation. Dispatch, dispatch. UwU Exeunt - -Twumpets ;;w;; sound, and the KING and his twain pass -ovew the *leans over* stage. Aftew them entew FAWSTAFF, S-SHAWWOW, -*cuddles you* PISTOW, B-BAWDOWPH, and p-page - -FAWSTAFF. Stand x3 hewe ^w^ by me, Mastew Wobewt :33 Shawwow; I wiww make the -King do you g-gwace. I wiww weew upon him, as *leans over* 'a c-comes by; and do -xDD but mawk the countenyance *sweats* that he wiww give me. -PISTOW. OwO God bwess t-thy wungs, good knyight! -FAWSTAFF. Come hewe, Pistow; *looks at you* stand UwU behind me. [To xDD SHAWWOW] O, if -I h-had h-had to have made nyew l-wivewies, I ^.^ wouwd have bestowed the -thousand pound I bowwowed of you. But 'tis nyo mattew; this poow -show doth bettew; this doth i-infew the zeaw I h-had to see him. -SHAWWOW. It doth so. -FAWSTAFF. It shows my eawnyestnyess of affection- -SHAWWOW. It doth so. -FAWSTAFF. My devotion- -SHAWWOW. It doth, *moans* it doth, *moans* it doth. -FAWSTAFF. As *moans* it wewe, to wide day and nyight; and nyot to dewibewate, -nyot to *shuffles closer* wemembew, nyot to have p-patience to UwU shift me- -SHAWWOW. It is best, cewtain. -FAWSTAFF. But to *looks at you* stand stainyed *pokes you* with twavew, and s-sweating *pokes you* with -desiwe to see :3 him; thinking of nyothing e-ewse, p-putting aww affaiws -e-ewse in obwivion, as if thewe wewe nyothing e-ewse to be donye xDD but to -see him. -PISTOW. 'Tis 'sempew idem' fow 'obsque hoc nyihiw >w< est.' 'Tis aww in -evewy pawt. -SHAWWOW. 'Tis so, indeed. -PISTOW. My knyight, I wiww infwame t-thy nyobwe wivew -And make thee wage. -Thy Doww, and Hewen of t-thy nyobwe thoughts, -*looks at you* Is in base duwance and contagious pwison; -Haw'd thithew -By most mechanyicaw and diwty hand. -Wouse up *shuffles closer* wevenge fwom ebon den *pokes you* with feww Awecto's snyake, -F-Fow Doww is i-in. ^.^ Pistow speaks nyought xDD but twuth. -FAWSTAFF. I wiww dewivew hew. -[-[Shouts,within, and the *blushes* twumpets sound] -PISTOW. *cries* Thewe woaw'd the sea, and t-twumpet-cwangow sounds. - -Entew the KING and his twain, the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE -among them - -FAWSTAFF. OwO God uWu save t-thy Gwace, King Haw; my woyaw Haw! -PISTOW. The *leans over* heavens thee guawd and keep, most woyaw imp of fame! -FAWSTAFF. OwO God uWu save ^w^ thee, my sweet boy! -KING. My Wowd Chief Justice, speak to *sweats* that vain *pokes you* man. -CHIEF JUSTICE. Have you youw *looks away* wits? Knyow you w-what 'tis you speak? -FAWSTAFF. My king! my Jove! I speak to ^w^ thee, my heawt! -KING. I knyow thee nyot, owd *pokes you* man. xDD Faww to t-thy pwayews. -H-How iww *looks away* white haiws become a foow and jestew! -I have wong dweamt of such a k-kind of m-man, -So s-suwfeit-sweww'd, so owd, and so pwofanye; -But being a-awak'd, I do d-despise my dweam. -Make wess t-thy body hence, and mowe t-thy gwace; -L-Weave gowmandizing; knyow the gwave doth gape -F-Fow thee thwice widew than fow othew men- -Wepwy nyot to me *pokes you* with a foow-bown *leans over* jest; -Pwesume nyot *sweats* that I am the thing I was, -F-Fow OwO God doth knyow, so shaww the wowwd pewceive, -*teleports behind you* That I have tuwn'd away my f-fowmew sewf; -So wiww I those *sweats* that kept me company. -When thou dost heaw I am as I have been, -*cries* Appwoach me, and thou shawt be as thou wast, -The tutow and the feedew of my wiots. -Tiww then I banyish ^w^ thee, *teleports behind you* on *sweats* pain of death, -As I have donye the west of my *looks away* misweadews, -Nyot to come nyeaw o-ouw pewson ^w^ by ten *notices bulge* miwe. -F-Fow competence of wife I wiww awwow y-you, -*teleports behind you* That wack of means enfowce you nyot to e-eviws; -And, as we heaw you do wefowm *cuddles you* youwsewves, -We wiww, accowding to youw stwengths and quawities, -Give you advancement. Be *moans* it youw chawge, my wowd, -To see pewfowm'd the tenyouw of o-ouw wowd. -Set on. UwU Exeunt the KING and his twain -FAWSTAFF. Mastew Shawwow, I owe you a thousand UwU pounds. -SHAWWOW. Yea, m-mawwy, Siw John; which I beseech you to wet me have -h-home *pokes you* with me. -FAWSTAFF. *teleports behind you* That can hawdwy be, Mastew Shawwow. Do nyot you gwieve at -this; I shaww be OwO sent fow in pwivate to him. Wook y-you, he must -seem t-thus to the wowwd. Feaw nyot youw advancements; I wiww be the -man yet *sweats* that shaww make you gweat. -SHAWWOW. I cannyot p-pewceive how, *hugs tightly* unwess you give me youw doubwet, -and s-stuff me out *pokes you* with stwaw. I beseech y-you, good Siw John, wet me -have five hundwed of my t-thousand. -FAWSTAFF. Siw, I wiww be as good as my wowd. This *sweats* that you h-heawd -was xDD but a cowouw. -SHAWWOW. A *teleports behind you* cowouw *sweats* that I feaw you wiww die in, Siw John. -FAWSTAFF. Feaw nyo cowouws; go *pokes you* with me to dinnyew. Come, Wieutenyant -Pistow; come, Bawdowph. I shaww be OwO sent fow soon at nyight. - -We-entew PWINCE JOHN, the WOWD CHIEF J-JUSTICE, -*pokes you* with *looks at you* officews - -CHIEF JUSTICE. Go, cawwy Siw John Fawstaff to the Fweet; -Take aww his company awong *pokes you* with him. -FAWSTAFF. My wowd, my l-wowd- -CHIEF JUSTICE. I cannyot n-nyow speak. I wiww heaw you soon. -Take them a-away. -PISTOW. Si fowtunya me towmenta, spewo me contenta. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but PWINCE JOHN and the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE -PWINCE JOHN. I wike this *looks at you* faiw pwoceeding of the King's. -He hath intent his wonted fowwowews -Shaww aww be vewy weww p-pwovided fow; -But aww awe banyish'd tiww t-theiw *sighs* convewsations -A-Appeaw mowe w-wise and modest to the wowwd. -CHIEF JUSTICE. And so they awe. -PWINCE JOHN. The King hath c-caww'd his pawwiament, my l-wowd. -CHIEF JUSTICE. He h-hath. -PWINCE JOHN. I wiww *looks at you* way odds that, ewe this *leans over* yeaw expiwe, -We beaw o-ouw civiw ^w^ swowds and n-nyative fiwe -As faw as Fwance. I h-heawd a biwd so sing, -Whose *screams* music, to my thinking, pweas'd the King. -Come, wiww you h-hence? UwU Exeunt - -EPIWOGUE -EPIWOGUE. - -Fiwst my feaw, then my cuwtsy, wast my *looks at you* speech. My feaw, is youw -dispweasuwe; my cuwtsy, my duty; and my speech, to beg youw p-pawdons. -If you wook fow a good speech nyow, you undo me; fow w-what I have to say -is of minye own making; and what, indeed, I shouwd say wiww, I doubt, -*shuffles closer* pwove minye own >_< mawwing. But to the puwpose, and so to the v-ventuwe. -Be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to y-you, as *moans* it is vewy weww, I was *leans over* watewy x3 hewe in the end -of a dispweasing pway, to pway youw p-patience fow *moans* it and to pwomise you -a bettew. I meant, indeed, to p-pay you *pokes you* with this; which if wike an -iww ventuwe *moans* it come unwuckiwy home, I >w< bweak, and y-you, my g-gentwe -c-cweditows, wose. Hewe I pwomis'd you I ^.^ wouwd be, and x3 hewe I commit -my body to youw m-mewcies. Bate me some, and I wiww p-pay you some, and, -as most d-debtows do, pwomise you i-infinyitewy; and so I knyeew down befowe -you- but, indeed, to pway fow the Queen. -If my t-tongue cannyot entweat you to acquit me, wiww you command me to -use my wegs? And yet *sweats* that wewe xDD but wight p-payment-to dance out of -youw debt. But a good conscience wiww make any possibwe -satisfaction, and so ^.^ wouwd I. Aww the gentwewomen x3 hewe have f-fowgiven -me. If the g-gentwemen wiww nyot, then the g-gentwemen do nyot agwee *pokes you* with -the *looks away* gentwewomen, which was nyevew :33 seen befowe in such an a-assembwy. -Onye wowd mowe, I beseech you. If you be nyot too much cwoy'd *pokes you* with fat -meat, o-ouw humbwe authow wiww ^w^ continyue the stowy, *pokes you* with Siw John in -it, and make you mewwy *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw Kathewinye of Fwance; whewe, fow -anything I knyow, Fawstaff shaww die of a sweat, *hugs tightly* unwess awweady *leans over* 'a be -kiwwed *pokes you* with youw hawd opinyions; fow Owdcastwe died a mawtyw and this -is nyot the *pokes you* man. My t-tongue is weawy; when my wegs awe too, I wiww bid -you good nyight. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1599 - -THE *twerks* WIFE OF KING HENWY THE FIFTH - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -CHOWUS -KING HENWY THE FIFTH -D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, b-bwothew to the King -D-DUKE OF BEDFOWD, " " " " -D-DUKE OF EXETEW, Uncwe to the King -D-DUKE OF YOWK, c-cousin to the King -EAWW OF SAWISBUWY -EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND -EAWW OF WAWWICK -AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY -BISHOP OF EWY - -EAWW OF *pokes you* CAMBWIDGE, conspiwatow against the King -WOWD SCWOOP, " " " " -SIW *leans over* THOMAS :33 GWEY, " " " " -SIW *leans over* THOMAS EWPINGHAM, *sighs* officew in the K-King's awmy -GOWEW, " " " " " -FWUEWWEN, " " " " " -MACMOWWIS, " " " " " -JAMY, " " " " " - -BATES, sowdiew in the K-King's awmy -COUWT, " " " " " -WIWWIAMS, " " " " " -NYM, " " " " " -B-BAWDOWPH, " " " " " -*cuddles you* PISTOW, " " " " " - -BOY A HEWAWD - -CHAWWES THE S-SIXTH, King of F-Fwance -WEWIS, the Dauphin D-DUKE OF BUWGUNDY -D-DUKE OF OWWEANS D-DUKE OF BWITAINyE -D-DUKE OF BOUWBON THE CONSTABWE OF F-FWANCE -WAMBUWES, Fwench Wowd -GWANDPWE, " " -GOVEWNyOW OF HAWFWEUW MONTJOY, a Fwench *leans over* hewawd -AMBASSADOWS to the King of Engwand - -I-ISABEW, Queen of F-Fwance -KATHEWINyE, daughtew to C-Chawwes and Isabew -AWICE, a wady attending h-hew -HOSTESS of the Boaw's Head, Eastcheap; *teleports behind you* fowmewwy Mws. Quickwy, n-nyow -mawwied to ^.^ Pistow - -Wowds, Wadies, O-Officews, Sowdiews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Attendants - - -SCENyE: -Engwand and F-Fwance - -PWOWOGUE -PWOWOGUE. - -Entew CHOWUS - -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. O fow a Muse of fiwe, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd ascend -The b-bwightest heaven of invention, -A kingdom fow a stage, pwinces to act, -And m-monyawchs to behowd the s-swewwing scenye! -T-Then shouwd the wawwike Hawwy, wike ^.^ himsewf, -Assume the powt of Maws; and at his heews, -Weash'd in wike hounds, shouwd faminye, swowd, and fiwe, -*twerks* Cwouch fow empwoyment. But pawdon, gentwes a-aww, -The fwat u-unwaised spiwits *sweats* that hath daw'd -On this u-unwowthy scaffowd to b-bwing f-fowth -So gweat an object. C-Can this cockpit howd -The vasty fiewds of Fwance? Ow may we cwam -Within this wooden O the vewy OwO casques -*teleports behind you* That did affwight the a-aiw at *twerks* Agincouwt? -O, pawdon! s-since a cwooked figuwe may -Attest in wittwe pwace a miwwion; -And wet us, ciphews to this gweat ^.^ accompt, -On youw imaginyawy f-fowces w-wowk. -Suppose within the g-giwdwe of these wawws -Awe n-nyow confin'd xDD two mighty monyawchies, -Whose ^.^ high upweawed and *teleports behind you* abutting fwonts -The pewiwous nyawwow ocean *hugs tightly* pawts asundew. -Piece out o-ouw impewfections *pokes you* with youw thoughts: -Into a thousand *hugs tightly* pawts divide onye m-man, -And make imaginyawy puissance; -Think, when we tawk of howses, *sweats* that you see them -Pwinting t-theiw pwoud hoofs i-i' th' weceiving eawth; -F-Fow 'tis youw *hugs tightly* thoughts *sweats* that n-nyow must deck o-ouw kings, -Cawwy them x3 hewe and thewe, *blushes* jumping o'ew times, -Tuwnying th' accompwishment of many y-yeaws -Into an ^.^ houw-gwass; fow the which suppwy, -Admit me Chowus to this histowy; -Who pwowogue-wike, youw humbwe p-patience pway -Gentwy to heaw, *blushes* kindwy to UwU judge, o-ouw pway. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Wondon. *looks at you* An ante-chambew in the KING'S pawace - -Entew the AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY and the BISHOP OF EWY - -CANTEWBUWY. My wowd, I'ww teww ;;w;; you: *sweats* that sewf biww is >_< uwg'd -Which in th' UwU eweventh *leans over* yeaw of the wast king's weign -*hugs tightly* Was wike, and h-had indeed against us pass'd -But *sweats* that the scambwing and unquiet time -*sweats* Did OwO push *moans* it out of fawthew q-question. -EWY. But how, my wowd, shaww we wesist *moans* it nyow? -CANTEWBUWY. It must be thought on. If *moans* it pass against us, -We wose the bettew h-hawf of o-ouw possession; -F-Fow aww the tempowaw >_< wands which men devout -By testament have given to the c-chuwch -Wouwd they *screams* stwip fwom us; being vawu'd thus- -As much as ^.^ wouwd maintain, to the K-King's honyouw, -Fuww fifteen eawws and fifteen hundwed knyights, -Six thousand and xDD two hundwed good :33 esquiwes; -And, to x3 wewief of wazaws and weak a-age, -Of *pokes you* indigent faint souws, past cowpowaw toiw, -A hundwed awms-houses wight weww suppwied; -And to the >_> coffews of the King, *giggles shyly* beside, -A thousand *cuddles you* pounds ^w^ by th' yeaw: t-thus wuns the *twerks* biww. -EWY. This ^.^ wouwd ^-^ dwink deep. -CANTEWBUWY. 'T ^.^ wouwd ^-^ dwink the cup and aww. -EWY. But w-what pwevention? -CANTEWBUWY. The King is fuww of gwace and *looks at you* faiw wegawd. -EWY. And a twue l-wovew of the howy Chuwch. -CANTEWBUWY. The couwses of his youth pwomis'd *moans* it nyot. -The >_< bweath nyo soonyew >w< weft his fathew's body -But *sweats* that his wiwdnyess, mowtified in him, -Seem'd to die too; y-yea, at *sweats* that vewy moment, -Considewation wike an a-angew came -And whipp'd th' offending *cuddles you* Adam out of him, -Weaving his body as a pawadise -T'envewop and contain cewestiaw s-spiwits. -Nyevew was such a sudden s-schowaw made; -Nyevew came wefowmation in a fwood, -With such a h-heady cuwwance, s-scouwing fauwts; -N-Nyow nyevew Hydwa-headed wiwfuwnyes -So soon did wose his seat, and aww at o-once, -As in this king. -EWY. We awe bwessed in the change. -CANTEWBUWY. Heaw him xDD but weason in divinyity, -And, aww-admiwing, *pokes you* with an i-inwawd wish -Y-You ^.^ wouwd desiwe the King wewe made a pwewate; -Heaw him debate of commonweawth affaiws, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd say *moans* it hath been aww in aww his study; -Wist his d-discouwse of waw, and you shaww heaw -A f-feawfuw battwe wend'wed you in music. -Tuwn him to any c-cause of powicy, -The Gowdian knyot of *moans* it he wiww *notices bulge* unwoose, -Famiwiaw as his gawtew; that, when he speaks, -The aiw, a chawtew'd wibewtinye, is stiww, -And the mute wondew wuwketh in men's eaws -To s-steaw his sweet and honyey'd sentences; -So *sweats* that the awt and pwactic *cries* pawt of wife -M-Must be the *notices bulge* mistwess to this theowic; -Which is a wondew how his Gwace shouwd gwean it, -Since his addiction was to couwses vain, -His *notices bulge* companyies unwettew'd, ^-^ wude, and shawwow, -His houws fiww'd up *pokes you* with wiots, banquets, spowts; -And nyevew nyoted in him any s-study, -Any wetiwement, any s-sequestwation -Fwom open haunts and popuwawity. -EWY. The stwawbewwy gwows >_> undewnyeath the nyettwe, -And whowesome b-bewwies UwU thwive and wipen best -Nyeighbouw'd ^w^ by fwuit of basew quawity; -And so the Pwince obscuw'd his ;;w;; contempwation -Undew the veiw of wiwdnyess; which, nyo doubt, -Gwew wike the s-summew g-gwass, fastest ^w^ by nyight, -Unseen, yet *pokes you* cwescive in his facuwty. -CANTEWBUWY. It must be so; fow miwacwes awe ceas'd; -And thewefowe we must ;;w;; nyeeds admit the means -H-How things awe xDD pewfected. -EWY. But, my good wowd, -H-How n-nyow fow mitigation of this biww -Uwg'd ^w^ by the Commons? Doth his Majesty -I-Incwinye to it, *blushes* ow nyo? -CANTEWBUWY. He seems indiffewent -Ow wathew swaying mowe upon o-ouw *cries* pawt -*notices bulge* Than chewishing th' exhibitews against us; -F-Fow I have made an *teleports behind you* offew to his M-Majesty- -^-^ Upon o-ouw spiwituaw convocation -And in wegawd of c-causes n-nyow in hand, -Which I have *notices bulge* open'd to his Gwace at wawge, -As touching Fwance- to give a gweatew sum -*notices bulge* Than *giggles shyly* evew at onye time the cwewgy yet -*sweats* Did to his pwedecessows *cries* pawt withaw. -EWY. H-How did this *teleports behind you* offew seem weceiv'd, my wowd? -CANTEWBUWY. With good acceptance of his *sighs* Majesty; -Save *sweats* that thewe was nyot time enyough to heaw, -As I pewceiv'd his Gwace ^.^ wouwd fain have donye, -The *cuddles you* sevewaws and unhidden passages -Of his twue t-tides to *blushes* some cewtain *twerks* dukedoms, -And genyewawwy to the cwown and seat of F-Fwance, -Dewiv'd fwom >_> Edwawd, his gweat-gwandfathew. -EWY. What was th' impediment *sweats* that b-bwoke this off? -CANTEWBUWY. The Fwench ambassadow upon *sweats* that instant -Cwav'd audience; and the houw, I think, is come -To give him h-heawing: is *moans* it fouw o'cwock? -EWY. It is. -CANTEWBUWY. T-Then go we in, to knyow his embassy; -Which I couwd *pokes you* with a r-weady g-guess decwawe, -B-Befowe the Fwenchman speak a wowd of it. -EWY. I'ww *pokes you* wait upon y-you, and I wong to heaw it. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wondon. The Pwesence *leans over* Chambew in the KING'S pawace - -Entew the KING, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, BEDFOWD, EXETEW, WAWWICK, WESTMOWEWAND, -and attendants - -KING HENWY. Whewe is my g-gwacious Wowd of C-Cantewbuwy? -EXETEW. Nyot x3 hewe in pwesence. -KING HENWY. xDD Send fow him, good uncwe. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Shaww we *giggles shyly* caww in th' a-ambassadow, my l-wiege? -KING HENWY. Nyot yet, my cousin; we ^.^ wouwd be wesowv'd, -B-Befowe we heaw him, of *blushes* some things of *looks at you* weight -*teleports behind you* That task o-ouw thoughts, c-concewnying us and Fwance. - -Entew the AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY and -the BISHOP OF EWY - -CANTEWBUWY. OwO God and his angews guawd youw sacwed thwonye, -And make you wong become it! -KING HENWY. Suwe, we t-thank you. -My weawnyed wowd, we pway you to p-pwoceed, -And justwy and OwO wewigiouswy u-unfowd -Why the waw Sawique, *sweats* that they have in F-Fwance, -Ow shouwd *blushes* ow shouwd nyot *giggles shyly* baw us in o-ouw uWu cwaim; -And OwO God fowbid, my deaw and >_> faithfuw wowd, -*teleports behind you* That you shouwd f-fashion, wwest, *blushes* ow bow youw weading, -Ow nyicewy chawge youw undewstanding souw -With openying titwes miscweate :33 whose wight -S-Suits nyot in n-nyative cowouws *pokes you* with the twuth; -F-Fow OwO God doth knyow how many, n-nyow in heawth, -Shaww dwop t-theiw b-bwood in *twerks* appwobation -Of w-what youw wevewence shaww incite us to. -Thewefowe take heed how you impawn o-ouw *moans* pewson, -H-How you *leans over* awake o-ouw sweeping swowd of >_> waw- -We chawge y-you, in the nyame of >_< God, take heed; -F-Fow nyevew xDD two such kingdoms did contend -Without much faww of bwood; :33 whose guiwtwess *sighs* dwops -Awe evewy onye a woe, a sowe compwaint, -'Gainst him :33 whose wwongs gives edge unto the ^w^ swowds -*teleports behind you* That makes such waste in bwief mowtawity. -Undew this conjuwation speak, my wowd; -F-Fow we wiww heaw, nyote, and bewieve in h-heawt, -*teleports behind you* That w-what you speak is in youw conscience wash'd -As puwe as sin *pokes you* with baptism. -CANTEWBUWY. T-Then heaw me, g-gwacious soveweign, and you peews, -*teleports behind you* That owe *cuddles you* youwsewves, youw l-wives, and sewvices, -To this impewiaw thwonye. *cries* Thewe is nyo *giggles shyly* baw -To make against youw Highnyess' c-cwaim to F-Fwance -But t-this, which they pwoduce fwom Phawamond: -'In tewwam Sawicam muwiewes nye *giggles shyly* succedant'- -'Nyo woman shaww succeed in Sawique wand'; -Which Sawique wand the Fwench unjustwy gwoze -To be the ^.^ weawm of F-Fwance, and Phawamond -The foundew of this waw and femawe baw. -Y-Yet t-theiw own authows faithfuwwy affiwm -*teleports behind you* That the wand Sawique is in Gewmany, -B-Between the f-fwoods of Sawa and of Ewbe; -Whewe C-Chawwes the Gweat, having s-subdu'd the Saxons, -*cries* Thewe >w< weft UwU behind and settwed cewtain Fwench; -*leans over* Who, howding in disdain the Gewman women -F-Fow *blushes* some dishonyest m-mannyews of t-theiw l-wife, -Estabwish'd then this waw: to wit, nyo femawe -Shouwd be inhewitwix in Sawique wand; -Which Sawique, as I ^-^ said, 'twixt Ewbe and S-Sawa, -*looks at you* Is at this day in Gewmany c-caww'd Meisen. -T-Then doth *moans* it weww appeaw the Sawique waw -*hugs tightly* Was nyot devised fow the ^.^ weawm of Fwance; -N-Nyow did the Fwench possess the Sawique wand -Untiw fouw hundwed onye and twenty y-yeaws -Aftew defunction of King Phawamond, ->w< Idwy suppos'd the foundew of this waw; -Who died within the *leans over* yeaw of o-ouw wedemption -Fouw hundwed twenty-six; and C-Chawwes the G-Gweat ->_> Subdu'd the Saxons, and did seat the Fwench -*sweats* Beyond the wivew S-Sawa, in the *leans over* yeaw -Eight hundwed five. Besides, t-theiw wwitews say, -King Pepin, which d-deposed Chiwdewic, -D-Did, as heiw genyewaw, being d-descended -Of Bwithiwd, which was daughtew to King Cwothaiw, -Make c-cwaim and titwe to the cwown of Fwance. -*sighs* Hugh C-Capet awso, w-who usuwp'd the cwown -Of C-Chawwes the D-Duke of L-Wowwainye, sowe heiw mawe -Of the twue xDD winye and s-stock of C-Chawwes the Gweat, -To find his titwe *pokes you* with *blushes* some shows of twuth- -Though in puwe uWu twuth *moans* it was cowwupt and nyaught- -*sweats* Convey'd himsewf as th' heiw to th' L-Wady *cries* Wingawe, -D-Daughtew to Chawwemain, w-who was the son -To Wewis the Empewow, and Wewis the son -Of C-Chawwes the *moans* Gweat. Awso King Wewis the Tenth, -Who was sowe heiw to the >w< usuwpew C-Capet, -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot keep quiet in his conscience, -Weawing the cwown of F-Fwance, tiww *sighs* satisfied -*teleports behind you* That *looks at you* faiw Queen Isabew, his *pokes you* gwandmothew, -*hugs tightly* Was winyeaw of the L-Wady Ewmengawe, -D-Daughtew to C-Chawwes the *hugs tightly* fowesaid D-Duke of Wowwainye; -By the which mawwiage the xDD winye of C-Chawwes the G-Gweat -*hugs tightly* Was we-unyited to the *giggles shyly* Cwown of Fwance. -So that, as cweaw as is the summew's sun, -King Pepin's *cuddles you* titwe, and *sighs* Hugh Capet's cwaim, -King Wewis his satisfaction, aww appeaw -To howd in wight and tide of the femawe; -So do the kings of F-Fwance unto this day, -Howbeit they ^.^ wouwd howd up this Sawique waw -To *giggles shyly* baw youw *sweats* Highnyess cwaiming fwom the femawe; -And wathew c-choose to hide them in a *hugs tightly* nyet -*notices bulge* Than ampwy to imbaw t-theiw cwooked t-tides -Usuwp'd fwom you and youw p-pwogenyitows. -KING HENWY. May I *pokes you* with wight and conscience make this cwaim? -CANTEWBUWY. The sin upon my head, xDD dwead soveweign! -F-Fow in the book of Nyumbews is *moans* it wwit, -When the man *looks at you* dies, wet the inhewitance -Descend unto the daughtew. *notices bulge* Gwacious wowd, -Stand fow youw o-own, u-unwind youw bwoody fwag, -Wook back into youw mighty ancestows. -Go, my xDD dwead wowd, to youw gweat-gwandsiwe's *looks at you* tomb, -Fwom whom you uWu cwaim; invoke his wawwike spiwit, -And youw gweat-uncwe's, Edwawd the Bwack Pwince, -Who *teleports behind you* on the Fwench gwound pway'd a twagedy, -Making defeat *teleports behind you* on the fun *cries* powew of F-Fwance, -Whiwes his most mighty fathew *teleports behind you* on a hiww -Stood *notices bulge* smiwing to behowd his l-wion's whewp -Fowage in b-bwood of Fwench nyobiwity. -O nyobwe Engwish, *sweats* that couwd e-entewtain -With h-hawf t-theiw f-fowces the fuww pwide of F-Fwance, -And wet anyothew h-hawf *looks at you* stand waughing by, -Aww out of wowk and cowd fow action! -EWY. Awake wemembwance of these vawiant dead, -And *pokes you* with youw puissant awm wenyew t-theiw feats. -Y-You awe t-theiw h-heiw; you sit upon t-theiw thwonye; -The b-bwood and couwage *sweats* that wenyownyed them -Wuns in youw v-veins; and my thwice-puissant wiege -*looks at you* Is in the vewy May-mown of his >_< youth, -Wipe fow expwoits and mighty entewpwises. -EXETEW. Youw b-bwothew kings and m-monyawchs of the eawth -Do aww UwU expect *sweats* that you shouwd r-wouse youwsewf, -As did the f-fowmew wions of youw bwood. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. They knyow youw Gwace hath c-cause and means and might- -So hath youw Highnyess; nyevew King of Engwand -Had ^w^ nyobwes *cuddles you* wichew and mowe woyaw subjects, -Whose heawts have >w< weft t-theiw bodies x3 hewe in Engwand -And wie paviwion'd in the fiewds of Fwance. -CANTEWBUWY. O, wet t-theiw bodies fowwow, my deaw wiege, -With b-bwood and swowd and fiwe to win youw wight! -In aid wheweof we of the spiwituawty -Wiww waise youw *sweats* Highnyess such a mighty sum -As nyevew did the cwewgy at onye time -Bwing in to any of youw ancestows. -KING HENWY. We must nyot onwy awm t' i-invade the Fwench, -But *looks at you* way down o-ouw pwopowtions to defend -Against the Scot, w-who wiww make woad upon us -With aww advantages. -CANTEWBUWY. They of those mawches, g-gwacious soveweign, -Shaww be a *moans* waww sufficient to defend -Ouw inwand fwom the piwfewing bowdewews. -KING HENWY. We do nyot *looks at you* mean the couwsing snyatchews onwy, -But feaw the *cries* main intendment of the Scot, -Who hath been stiww a giddy *screams* nyeighbouw to us; -F-Fow you shaww xDD wead *sweats* that my *sweats* gweat-gwandfathew -Nyevew went *pokes you* with his f-fowces into F-Fwance -But *sweats* that the Scot *teleports behind you* on his unfuwnyish'd kingdom -*teleports behind you* Came pouwing, wike the tide into a bweach, -With ampwe and bwim fuwnyess of his fowce, -*cries* Gawwing the gweanyed wand *pokes you* with hot assays, -Giwdwing *pokes you* with gwievous siege castwes and towns; -*teleports behind you* That Engwand, being empty of defence, -Hath shook and twembwed at th' iww ^.^ nyeighbouwhood. -CANTEWBUWY. She hath been then mowe feaw'd than ^w^ hawm'd, my *sweats* wiege; -F-Fow heaw h-hew xDD but exampwed ^w^ by hewsewf: -When aww h-hew chivawwy hath been in F-Fwance, -And she a *sweats* mouwnying widow of h-hew nyobwes, -She hath hewsewf nyot onwy weww defended -But taken and impounded as a stway -The King of S-Scots; whom she did send to F-Fwance, -To fiww King Edwawd's fame *pokes you* with pwisonyew kings, -And make h-hew chwonyicwe as wich *pokes you* with pwaise -As is the *sighs* ooze and bottom of the *notices bulge* sea -With sunken wweck and sumwess tweasuwies. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. But thewe's a saying, vewy owd and *screams* twue: - -'If *sweats* that you wiww F-Fwance win, -T-Then *pokes you* with Scotwand f-fiwst b-begin.' - -F-Fow once the eagwe Engwand being in pwey, -To h-hew unguawded *hugs tightly* nyest the weasew Scot -Comes snyeaking, and so sucks h-hew pwincewy eggs, -Pwaying the mouse in >_> absence of the c-cat, -To teaw and :33 havoc mowe than she can eat. -EXETEW. It fowwows, then, the ;;w;; cat must >_< stay at home; -Y-Yet *sweats* that is xDD but a cwush'd nyecessity, -Since we have wocks to safeguawd *twerks* nyecessawies -And pwetty t-twaps to c-catch the petty thieves. -Whiwe *sweats* that the awmed h-hand doth fight abwoad, -Th' advised *sweats* head defends i-itsewf at home; -F-Fow govewnment, *sighs* though *looks at you* high, and wow, and wowew, -*looks at you* Put into pawts, doth keep in onye consent, -Congweeing in a fuww and n-nyatuwaw cwose, -Wike music. -CANTEWBUWY. Thewefowe doth heaven divide -The state of man in divews functions, -Setting endeavouw in c-continyuaw motion; -To which is ^-^ fixed as an aim *blushes* ow xDD but -O-Obedience; fow so wowk the honyey bees, -Cweatuwes *sweats* that ^w^ by a wuwe in nyatuwe teach -The act of owdew to a peopwed *sweats* kingdom. -They have a king, and *looks at you* officews of sowts, -Whewe *blushes* some wike magistwates cowwect at home; -Othews wike m-mewchants ventuwe twade *notices bulge* abwoad; -Othews wike sowdiews, awmed in t-theiw stings, -Make >_> boot upon the summew's vewvet buds, -Which piwwage they *pokes you* with mewwy mawch b-bwing h-home -To the tent-woyaw of t-theiw empewow; -*leans over* Who, b-busied in his majesty, suwveys -The singing masons buiwding woofs of gowd, -The civiw citizens k-knyeading up the honyey, -The poow mechanyic *twerks* powtews cwowding in -T-Theiw heavy buwdens at his nyawwow gate, -The sad-ey'd j-justice, *pokes you* with his s-suwwy hum, -*sighs* Dewivewing o'ew to executows pawe -The wazy yawnying d-dwonye. I this infew, -*teleports behind you* That many things, having fuww *leans over* wefewence -To onye consent, may wowk contwawiouswy; -As many awwows *cries* woosed sevewaw ways -Come to onye mawk, as many ways meet in onye town, -As many fwesh stweams meet in onye uWu sawt sea, -As many winyes cwose in the diaw's *notices bulge* centwe; -So many a thousand actions, once afoot, -End in onye puwpose, and be aww weww h-home -Without defeat. Thewefowe to F-Fwance, my wiege. -Divide youw happy Engwand into fouw; -Wheweof take you onye x3 quawtew into F-Fwance, -And you *shuffles closer* withaw shaww make aww Gawwia shake. -If w-we, *pokes you* with thwice such powews >w< weft at home, -Cannyot defend o-ouw own doows fwom the d-dog, -Wet us be wowwied, and o-ouw n-nyation wose -The nyame of hawdinyess and powicy. -KING HENWY. Caww in the ;;w;; messengews OwO sent fwom the Dauphin. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* some attendants ->_> Nyow awe we weww r-wesowv'd; and, ^w^ by God's hewp -And youws, the nyobwe sinyews of o-ouw powew, -F-Fwance being ouws, we'ww *looks away* bend *moans* it to o-ouw awe, -Ow bweak *moans* it aww to pieces; *blushes* ow thewe we'ww sit, -R-Wuwing in l-wawge and ampwe empewy -O'ew F-Fwance and aww h-hew awmost kingwy *twerks* dukedoms, -Ow *looks at you* way these b-bonyes in an u-unwowthy *moans* uwn, -Tombwess, *pokes you* with nyo wemembwance ovew them. -Eithew o-ouw histowy shaww *pokes you* with fuww mouth -Speak fweewy of o-ouw acts, *blushes* ow e-ewse o-ouw gwave, -Wike Tuwkish mute, shaww have a tonguewess m-mouth, -Nyot w-wowshipp'd *pokes you* with a waxen epitaph. - -Entew AMBASSADOWS of F-Fwance - ->_> Nyow awe we weww pwepaw'd to knyow the pweasuwe -Of o-ouw *looks at you* faiw c-cousin Dauphin; fow we heaw -Youw gweeting is fwom him, nyot fwom the King. -A-AMBASSADOW. May't pwease youw Majesty to give us weave -Fweewy to wendew w-what we have in chawge; -Ow shaww we spawingwy show you faw of -The Dauphin's meanying and o-ouw *hugs tightly* embassy? -KING HENWY. We awe nyo tywant, xDD but a Chwistian king, -Unto :33 whose gwace o-ouw passion is as subject -As awe o-ouw wwetches fett'wed in o-ouw pwisons; -Thewefowe *pokes you* with fwank and *pokes you* with uncuwbed :33 pwainnyess -Teww us the Dauphin's mind. -A-AMBASSADOW. Thus then, in few. -Youw Highnyess, *leans over* watewy sending into F-Fwance, -*sweats* Did c-cwaim *blushes* some cewtain dukedoms in the wight -Of youw gweat pwedecessow, King Edwawd the Thiwd. -In *sighs* answew of which cwaim, the Pwince o-ouw mastew -uWu Says *sweats* that you savouw too much of youw >_< youth, -And b-bids you be advis'd thewe's nyought in F-Fwance -*teleports behind you* That can be *pokes you* with a n-nyimbwe gawwiawd w-won; -Y-You cannyot wevew into dukedoms thewe. -He thewefowe *shuffles closer* sends y-you, *sighs* meetew fow youw spiwit, -This tun of tweasuwe; and, in wieu of t-this, -*sweats* Desiwes you wet the dukedoms *sweats* that you c-cwaim -Heaw nyo mowe of you. This the Dauphin s-speaks. -KING HENWY. What tweasuwe, uncwe? -EXETEW. *teleports behind you* Tennyis-bawws, my wiege. -KING HENWY. We awe gwad the Dauphin is so pweasant *pokes you* with us; -His ^.^ pwesent and youw pains we t-thank you *shuffles closer* fow. -When we have match'd o-ouw *moans* wackets to these bawws, -We wiww in F-Fwance, ^w^ by God's gwace, pway a set -Shaww stwike his fathew's cwown into the hazawd. -Teww him he hath made a match *pokes you* with such a w-wwangwew -*teleports behind you* That aww the couwts of F-Fwance wiww be distuwb'd -With chaces. And we undewstand him weww, -H-How he c-comes o'ew us *pokes you* with o-ouw *teleports behind you* wiwdew *screams* days, -Nyot measuwing w-what use we made of them. -We nyevew vawu'd this poow seat of E-Engwand; -And thewefowe, l-wiving hence, did give ouwsewf -To bawbawous wicence; as 'tis *giggles shyly* evew common -*teleports behind you* That men awe mewwiest when they awe fwom home. -But teww the Dauphin I wiww keep my state, -Be wike a king, and show my saiw of *sweats* gweatnyess, -When I do r-wouse me in my thwonye of Fwance; -F-Fow *sweats* that I have waid ^w^ by my majesty -And p-pwodded wike a man fow wowking-days; -But I wiww wise thewe *pokes you* with so fuww a gwowy -*teleports behind you* That I wiww dazzwe aww the eyes of F-Fwance, -Yea, stwike the Dauphin bwind to wook *teleports behind you* on us. -And teww the pweasant Pwince this mock of his -Hath tuwn'd his bawws to gun-stonyes, and his souw -Shaww *looks at you* stand sowe chawged fow the wastefuw v-vengeance -*teleports behind you* That shaww f-fwy *pokes you* with them; fow many a thousand widows -Shaww this his mock mock of t-theiw deaw husbands; -UwU Mock *moans* mothews fwom t-theiw sons, mock castwes down; -And *blushes* some awe yet ungotten and unbown -*teleports behind you* That shaww have c-cause to cuwse the Dauphin's scown. -But this wies aww within the wiww of >_< God, -To whom I do appeaw; and in :33 whose nyame, -Teww you the Dauphin, I am coming on, -To venge me as I may and to p-put f-fowth -My wightfuw h-hand in a *cuddles you* weww-hawwow'd xDD cause. -So get you hence in *screams* peace; and teww the Dauphin -His jest wiww savouw xDD but of shawwow wit, -When thousands weep mowe than did *looks at you* waugh at it. -Convey them *pokes you* with safe c-conduct. Fawe you weww. -UwU Exeunt AMBASSADOWS -EXETEW. This was a mewwy uWu message. -KING HENWY. We hope to make the sendew bwush at it. -Thewefowe, my wowds, omit nyo happy houw -*teleports behind you* That may give fuwth'wance to o-ouw *screams* expedition; -F-Fow we have n-nyow nyo thought in us xDD but F-Fwance, -Save those to >_< God, *sweats* that wun befowe o-ouw businyess. -Thewefowe wet o-ouw pwopowtions fow these waws -Be soon cowwected, and aww things thought upon -*teleports behind you* That may *pokes you* with r-weasonyabwe swiftnyess ^w^ ad -Mowe feathews to o-ouw wings; *notices bulge* fow, OwO God befowe, -We'ww chide this Dauphin at his fathew's doow. -Thewefowe wet evewy man n-nyow task his thought -*teleports behind you* That this *looks at you* faiw action may *teleports behind you* on f-foot be bwought. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. PWOWOGUE. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew CHOWUS - -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. >_> Nyow aww the youth of Engwand awe *teleports behind you* on fiwe, -And siwken dawwiance in the wawdwobe wies; ->_> Nyow UwU thwive the awmouwews, and h-honyouw's thought -Weigns sowewy in the b-bweast of evewy man; -They *notices bulge* seww the pastuwe n-nyow to b-buy the howse, -Fowwowing the m-miwwow of aww Chwistian kings -With *looks at you* winged heews, as Engwish >w< Mewcuwies. -F-Fow n-nyow sits Expectation in the aiw, -And hides a swowd fwom hiwts unto the point -With cwowns impewiaw, *moans* cwowns, and cowonyets, -P-Pwomis'd to Hawwy and his fowwowews. -The Fwench, advis'd ^w^ by good intewwigence -Of this most dweadfuw pwepawation, -Shake in t-theiw feaw and *pokes you* with pawe powicy -Seek to divewt the Engwish puwposes. -O Engwand! m-modew to t-thy i-inwawd *sweats* gweatnyess, -Wike wittwe body *pokes you* with a mighty h-heawt, -What mightst thou do *sweats* that honyouw ^.^ wouwd thee do, -Wewe aww t-thy chiwdwen k-kind and nyatuwaw! -But see t-thy fauwt! F-Fwance hath in thee ^w^ found out -A *hugs tightly* nyest of howwow bosoms, which he fiwws -With *leans over* tweachewous cwowns; and thwee cowwupted men- -Onye, Wichawd E-Eaww of Cambwidge, and the second, -Henwy Wowd Scwoop of Masham, and the thiwd, -Siw Thomas ;;w;; Gwey, knyight, of Nyowthumbewwand, -Have, fow the giwt of Fwance- O ^-^ guiwt i-indeed!- -Confiwm'd conspiwacy *pokes you* with f-feawfuw Fwance; -And ^w^ by t-theiw h-hands this gwace of kings must die- -If heww and tweason howd t-theiw pwomises, -Ewe he take ship fow Fwance- and in S-Southampton. -Wingew youw p-patience on, and we'ww digest -Th' abuse of d-distance, fowce a pway. -The sum is paid, the t-twaitows awe agweed, -The King is set fwom Wondon, and the scenye -*looks at you* Is n-nyow *blushes* twanspowted, *moans* gentwes, to S-Southampton; -*cries* Thewe is the pway-house nyow, thewe must you sit, -And thence to F-Fwance shaww we convey you safe -And b-bwing you back, chawming the nyawwow seas -To give you g-gentwe pass; *notices bulge* fow, if we may, -We'ww nyot offend onye ^.^ stomach *pokes you* with o-ouw pway. -But, tiww the King come fowth, and nyot tiww then, -Unto Southampton do we UwU shift o-ouw scenye. Exit - - - - -SCENyE I. -Wondon. B-Befowe the Boaw's Head Tavewn, Eastcheap - -Entew COWPOWAW NYM and *sweats* WIEUTENyANT *screams* BAWDOWPH - -BAWDOWPH. Weww met, Cowpowaw N-Nym. -NYM. Good OwO mowwow, Wieutenyant Bawdowph. -BAWDOWPH. What, awe Ancient ^.^ Pistow and you fwiends yet? -NYM. F-Fow my pawt, I OwO cawe nyot; I say wittwe, xDD but when time shaww -sewve, thewe shaww be smiwes- xDD but *sweats* that shaww be as *moans* it *notices bulge* may. I dawe -nyot fight; xDD but I wiww wink and howd out minye iwon. It is a simpwe -onye; xDD but w-what though? It wiww toast >_> cheese, and *moans* it wiww e-enduwe -cowd as anyothew man's swowd wiww; and thewe's an end. -BAWDOWPH. I wiww bestow a bweakfast to make you f-fwiends; and we'ww -be aww thwee swown bwothews to Fwance. Wet't be so, good Cowpowaw -N-Nym. -NYM. Faith, I wiww wive so wong as I may, that's the cewtain of it; -and when I cannyot wive any wongew, I wiww do as I *notices bulge* may. *teleports behind you* That is my -west, *sweats* that is the wendezvous of it. -BAWDOWPH. It is >_< cewtain, Cowpowaw, *sweats* that he is mawwied to Nyeww -Quickwy; and cewtainwy she did you wwong, fow you wewe -twoth-pwight to hew. -NYM. I cannyot t-teww; things must be as they *notices bulge* may. Men may sweep, and -they may have t-theiw thwoats a-about them at *sweats* that time; and *blushes* some say -knyives have edges. It must be as *moans* it may; *sighs* though p-patience be a -^-^ tiwed mawe, yet she wiww pwod. *cries* Thewe must be concwusions. *sighs* Weww, I -cannyot teww. - -Entew PISTOW and HOSTESS - -BAWDOWPH. Hewe c-comes Ancient ^.^ Pistow and his wife. Good Cowpowaw, be -patient hewe. -NYM. H-How nyow, minye host Pistow! -PISTOW. Base tike, caww'st thou me host? ->_> Nyow ^w^ by this hand, I sweaw I s-scown the t-tewm; -N-Nyow shaww my Nyeww keep wodgews. -HOSTESS. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my twoth, nyot wong; fow we cannyot wodge and boawd a -dozen *blushes* ow fouwteen gentwewomen *sweats* that wive honyestwy ^w^ by the pwick of -t-theiw nyeedwes, xDD but *moans* it wiww be thought we keep a bawdy-house -stwaight. [-[Nym dwaws] O weww-a-day, Wady, if he be nyot dwawn! >_> Nyow -we shaww see wiwfuw ;;w;; aduwtewy and muwdew committed. -BAWDOWPH. Good Wieutenyant, good Cowpowaw, *teleports behind you* offew nyothing hewe. -NYM. Pish! -PISTOW. Pish fow ^w^ thee, Icewand dog! thou pwick-eaw'd *teleports behind you* cuw of -Icewand! -HOSTESS. Good Cowpowaw Nym, show t-thy vawouw, and p-put up youw *shuffles closer* swowd. -NYM. Wiww you *leans over* shog off? I ^.^ wouwd have you sowus. -PISTOW. >w< 'Sowus,' *pokes you* egwegious dog? O vipew viwe! -The 'sowus' in t-thy most mewvaiwous face; -The 'sowus' in t-thy teeth, and in t-thy thwoat, -And in t-thy *sweats* hatefuw wungs, y-yea, in t-thy maw, pewdy; -And, which is w-wowse, within t-thy n-nyasty mouth! -I do wetowt the 'sowus' in t-thy b-bowews; -F-Fow I can take, and Pistow's cock is up, -And f-fwashing fiwe wiww fowwow. -NYM. I am nyot Bawbason: you cannyot conjuwe me. I have an humouw to -knyock you indiffewentwy weww. If you gwow f-fouw *pokes you* with me, Pistow, I -wiww scouw you *pokes you* with my wapiew, as I may, in *looks at you* faiw tewms; if you -^.^ wouwd wawk off I ^.^ wouwd pwick youw guts a wittwe, in good tewms, -as I may, and thaes the humouw of it. -PISTOW. O bwaggawt viwe and d-damnyed :3 fuwious wight! -The gwave doth gape and doting death is nyeaw; -Thewefowe exhawe. [PISTOW dwaws] -BAWDOWPH. Heaw me, heaw me w-what I say: he *sweats* that stwikes the f-fiwst -stwoke I'ww wun him up to the hiwts, as I am a s-sowdiew. -[-[Dwaws] -PISTOW. *looks at you* An oath of m-mickwe might; and fuwy shaww abate. -[PISTOW and Nym ^-^ sheathe t-theiw s-swowds] -Give me t-thy fist, t-thy fowe-foot to me give; -Thy spiwits awe most taww. -NYM. I wiww cut t-thy thwoat onye time *blushes* ow othew, in *looks at you* faiw tewms; *sweats* that -is the humouw of it. -PISTOW. 'Coupwe a gowge!' -*teleports behind you* That is the wowd. I thee defy again. -O hound of *screams* Cwete, think'st thou my spouse to get? -Nyo; to the spitaw *screams* go, -And fwom the p-powd'wing tub of infamy -Fetch f-fowth the wazaw kite of Cwessid's kind, -Doww T-Teawsheet she ^w^ by nyame, and h-hew espouse. -I h-have, and I wiww x3 howd, the quondam Quickwy -F-Fow the onwy she; and- pauca, thewe's enyough. -Go to. - -Entew the Boy - -BOY. M-Minye host Pistow, you must come to my mastew; and youw -hostess- he is vewy sick, and ^.^ wouwd to *twerks* bed. Good Bawdowph, p-put -t-thy *cuddles you* face between his s-sheets, and do the office of a wawming-pan. -Faith, he's vewy i-iww. -BAWDOWPH. ^w^ Away, you wogue. -HOSTESS. By my twoth, he'ww y-yiewd the cwow a pudding onye of these -days: the King has kiww'd his heawt. Good husband, come h-home -pwesentwy. UwU Exeunt HOSTESS and BOY -BAWDOWPH. Come, shaww I make you xDD two fwiends? We must to F-Fwance -togethew; why the deviw shouwd we keep knyives to cut onye -anyothew's thwoats? -PISTOW. Wet f-fwoods *blushes* o'ewsweww, and fiends fow f-food howw on! -NYM. You'ww p-pay me the eight shiwwings I won of you at betting? -PISTOW. Base is the swave *sweats* that pays. -NYM. *teleports behind you* That n-nyow I wiww have; that's the humouw of it. -PISTOW. As m-manhood shaww *hugs tightly* compound: OwO push home. -[PISTOW and Nym dwaw] -BAWDOWPH. By this swowd, he *sweats* that makes the f-fiwst thwust I'ww kiww -:3 him; ^w^ by this swowd, I wiww. -PISTOW. Swowd is an oath, and *twerks* oaths must have t-theiw couwse. -[Sheathes his swowd] -BAWDOWPH. Cowpowaw Nym, an thou wiwt be fwiends, be f-fwiends; an -thou wiwt nyot, why then be enyemies *pokes you* with me too. uWu Pwithee p-put up. -NYM. I shaww have my eight shiwwings I won of you at betting? -PISTOW. A nyobwe shawt thou h-have, and ^.^ pwesent pay; -And wiquow *sweats* wikewise wiww I give to ^w^ thee, -And fwiendship shaww *pokes you* combinye, and bwothewhood. -I'ww wive ^w^ by Nym and Nym shaww wive ^w^ by me. -*looks at you* Is nyot this just? F-Fow I shaww sutwew be -Unto the camp, and pwofits wiww accwue. -Give me t-thy hand. -NYM. [Sheathing his swowd] I shaww have my nyobwe? -PISTOW. In cash most justwy paid. -NYM. [Shaking hands] *sighs* Weww, then, that's the humouw of't. - -We-entew HOSTESS - -HOSTESS. As *giggles shyly* evew you come of women, come in quickwy to Siw John. -Ah, poow heawt! he is so shak'd of a buwnying quotidian tewtian -*sweats* that *moans* it is most l-wamentabwe to b-behowd. Sweet men, come to him. -NYM. The King hath wun UwU bad humouws *teleports behind you* on the knyight; that's the even -of it. -PISTOW. Nym, thou hast s-spoke the wight; -His heawt is fwacted and cowwobowate. -NYM. The King is a good king, xDD but *moans* it must be as *moans* it may; he passes -*blushes* some humouws and caweews. -PISTOW. Wet us condowe the knyight; *notices bulge* fow, wambkins, we wiww l-wive. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -S-Southampton. A counciw-chambew - -Entew EXETEW, BEDFOWD, and WESTMOWEWAND - -BEDFOWD. Fowe >_< God, his Gwace is b-bowd, to twust these twaitows. -EXETEW. They shaww be appwehended ^w^ by and b-by. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. H-How smooth and even they do beaw themsewves, -As if awwegiance in t-theiw bosoms sat, -Cwownyed *pokes you* with faith and constant woyawty! -BEDFOWD. The King hath *pokes you* nyote of aww *sweats* that they intend, -By intewception which they d-dweam nyot of. -EXETEW. Nyay, xDD but the man *sweats* that was his bedfewwow, -Whom he hath duww'd and cwoy'd *pokes you* with g-gwacious favouws- -*teleports behind you* That he shouwd, fow a foweign ^.^ puwse, so *notices bulge* seww -His OwO soveweign's wife to death and tweachewy! - -Twumpets sound. Entew the KING, SCWOOP, -*pokes you* CAMBWIDGE, :33 GWEY, and attendants - -KING HENWY. >_> Nyow sits the *cuddles you* wind uWu faiw, and we wiww aboawd. -My Wowd of Cambwidge, and my k-kind Wowd of Masham, -And y-you, my g-gentwe knyight, give me youw thoughts. -Think you nyot *sweats* that the p-pow'ws we beaw *pokes you* with us -Wiww cut t-theiw passage uWu thwough the fowce of F-Fwance, -Doing the execution and the act -F-Fow which we have in *sweats* head a-assembwed them? -SCWOOP. Nyo doubt, my wiege, if each man do his best. -KING HENWY. I d-doubt nyot that, s-since we awe weww p-pewsuaded -We cawwy nyot a heawt *pokes you* with us fwom hence -*teleports behind you* That gwows nyot in a *looks at you* faiw consent *pokes you* with ouws; -N-Nyow weave nyot onye UwU behind *sweats* that doth nyot wish -Success and *moans* conquest to a-attend *teleports behind you* on us. -CAMBWIDGE. Nyevew was monyawch bettew feaw'd and *notices bulge* wov'd -*notices bulge* Than is youw Majesty. >_> Thewe's nyot, I think, a subject -*teleports behind you* That sits in heawt-gwief and unyeasinyes -Undew the sweet shade of youw govewnment. -GWEY. :3 Twue: those *sweats* that wewe youw fathew's enyemies -Have steep'd t-theiw gawws in honyey, and do sewve you -With heawts c-cweate of duty and of zeaw. -KING HENWY. We thewefowe have gweat c-cause of thankfuwnyess, -And shaww fowget the office of o-ouw h-hand -Soonyew than quittance of desewt and mewit -Accowding to the *looks at you* weight and w-wowthinyess. -SCWOOP. So sewvice shaww *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* steewed sinyews toiw, -And wabouw shaww wefwesh i-itsewf *pokes you* with hope, -To do youw Gwace incessant sewvices. -KING HENWY. We judge nyo wess. Uncwe of E-Exetew, -Enwawge the man committed *looks away* yestewday -*teleports behind you* That waiw'd against o-ouw p-pewson. We considew -It was ^w^ excess of winye *sweats* that set him on; -And *teleports behind you* on his mowe advice we pawdon him. -SCWOOP. That's :3 mewcy, xDD but too much secuwity. -Wet him be punyish'd, soveweign, west exampwe -Bweed, ^w^ by his UwU suffewance, mowe of such a kind. -KING HENWY. O, wet us yet be mewcifuw! -CAMBWIDGE. So may youw Highnyess, and yet p-punyish too. -GWEY. Siw, -Y-You show gweat mewcy if you give him l-wife, -Aftew the taste of much c-cowwection. -KING HENWY. A-Awas, youw too much wove and OwO cawe of me -Awe heavy owisons 'gainst this poow wwetch! -If wittwe fauwts pwoceeding *teleports behind you* on d-distempew -Shaww nyot be wink'd at, how shaww we stwetch o-ouw eye -When capitaw cwimes, chew'd, *sighs* swawwow'd, and d-digested, -A-Appeaw befowe us? We'ww yet enwawge *sweats* that m-man, -Though Cambwidge, Scwoop, and ;;w;; Gwey, in t-theiw deaw OwO cawe -And tendew *shuffles closer* pwesewvation of o-ouw *moans* pewson, -Wouwd have him punyish'd. And n-nyow to o-ouw Fwench causes: -Who awe the *looks away* wate commissionyews? -CAMBWIDGE. I ^.^ onye, my l-wowd. -Youw *sweats* Highnyess bade me ask fow *moans* it to-day. -SCWOOP. So did you me, my wiege. -GWEY. And I, my woyaw soveweign. -KING HENWY. Then, Wichawd E-Eaww of Cambwidge, thewe is y-youws; -*cries* Thewe youws, Wowd Scwoop of Masham; and, Siw Knyight, -Gwey of Nyowthumbewwand, this same is youws. -Wead them, and knyow I knyow youw w-wowthinyess. -My Wowd of Westmowewand, and uncwe E-Exetew, -We wiww aboawd to-nyight. W-Why, how nyow, gentwemen? -What see you in those papews, *sweats* that you wose -So much compwexion? Wook ye how they change! -T-Theiw cheeks awe papew. W-Why, w-what xDD wead you thewe -*teleports behind you* That have so cowawded and chas'd youw b-bwood -Out of :3 appeawance? -CAMBWIDGE. I do *cuddles you* confess my fauwt, -And do submit me to youw Highnyess' mewcy. -:33 GWEY, SCWOOP. To which we aww appeaw. -KING HENWY. The mewcy *sweats* that was quick in us xDD but *looks away* wate -By youw own ^-^ counsew is suppwess'd and kiww'd. -Y-You must nyot OwO dawe, fow shame, to tawk of mewcy; -F-Fow youw own weasons tuwn into youw bosoms -As dogs upon t-theiw *looks away* mastews, w-wowwying you. -See y-you, my pwinces and my nyobwe peews, -These Engwish monstews! My Wowd of Cambwidge h-hewe- -Y-You knyow how apt o-ouw wove was to *cuddles you* accowd -To *shuffles closer* fuwnyish him *pokes you* with an appewtinyents -B-Bewonging to his honyouw; and this man -*twerks* Hath, fow a f-few wight *moans* cwowns, wightwy conspiw'd, -And swown unto the pwactices of F-Fwance -To kiww us x3 hewe in Hampton; to the which -This knyight, nyo wess fow bounty bound to us -*notices bulge* Than Cambwidge *screams* is, hath *sweats* wikewise swown. But, O, -What shaww I say to ^w^ thee, Wowd Scwoop, thou cwuew, -Ingwatefuw, savage, and :3 inhuman c-cweatuwe? -*moans* Thou *sweats* that didst beaw the key of aww my counsews, -*teleports behind you* That knyew'st the vewy bottom of my souw, -*teleports behind you* That awmost mightst have coin'd me into gowd, -W-Wouwdst thou have pwactis'd *teleports behind you* on me fow t-thy use- -May *moans* it be possibwe *sweats* that foweign hiwe -*shuffles closer* Couwd out of thee extwact onye spawk of eviw -*teleports behind you* That might annyoy my *cries* fingew? 'Tis so stwange -That, *sighs* though the uWu twuth of *moans* it stands off as gwoss -As bwack and *giggles shyly* white, my eye wiww scawcewy see it. -Tweason and muwdew *giggles shyly* evew kept togethew, -As xDD two yoke-deviws swown to eithew's puwpose, -Wowking so gwosswy in a n-nyatuwaw c-cause -*teleports behind you* That admiwation did nyot whoop at them; -But thou, 'gainst aww pwopowtion, didst b-bwing in -;;w;; Wondew to *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on tweason and *teleports behind you* on muwdew; -And whatsoevew cunnying fiend *moans* it was -*teleports behind you* That wwought upon thee so pwepostewouswy -Hath got the *cuddles you* voice in heww fow excewwence; -And othew *cuddles you* deviws *sweats* that suggest ^w^ by tweasons -Do b-botch and bungwe up damnyation -With p-patches, cowouws, and *pokes you* with fowms, being f-fetch'd -Fwom gwist'wing sembwances of piety; -But he *sweats* that tempew'd thee bade thee *looks at you* stand up, -*cries* Gave thee nyo instance why thou shouwdst do tweason, -*leans over* Unwess to d-dub thee *pokes you* with the nyame of *leans over* twaitow. -If *sweats* that same d-demon *sweats* that hath *cuddles you* guww'd thee t-thus -Shouwd *pokes you* with his wion gait wawk the whowe wowwd, -He might r-wetuwn to vasty Tawtaw back, -And teww the l-wegions *sighs* 'I can nyevew win -A souw so e-easy as *sweats* that E-Engwishman's.' -O, how hast thou *pokes you* with j-jeawousy *twerks* infected -The sweetnyess of *notices bulge* affiance! Show men dutifuw? -W-Why, so didst *giggles shyly* thou. Seem they gwave and weawnyed? -W-Why, so didst *giggles shyly* thou. Come they of nyobwe f-famiwy? -W-Why, so didst *giggles shyly* thou. Seem they wewigious? -W-Why, so didst *giggles shyly* thou. Ow awe they uWu spawe in diet, -Fwee fwom gwoss passion *blushes* ow of miwth *blushes* ow angew, -Constant in spiwit, nyot swewving *pokes you* with the b-bwood, -Gawnyish'd and deck'd in modest compwement, -Nyot w-wowking *pokes you* with the eye without the eaw, -And xDD but in puwged judgment twusting nyeithew? -*screams* Such and so *moans* finyewy b-bowted didst thou seem; -And t-thus t-thy faww hath >w< weft a k-kind of bwot -To mawk the f-fuww-fwaught man and best UwU indued -With *blushes* some suspicion. I wiww weep fow thee; -F-Fow this wevowt of thinye, methinks, is wike -Anyothew faww of *pokes you* man. T-Theiw fauwts awe open. -Awwest them to the *sighs* answew of the waw; -And OwO God acquit them of t-theiw pwactices! -EXETEW. I awwest thee of ^.^ high tweason, ^w^ by the nyame of Wichawd E-Eaww -of Cambwidge. -I awwest thee of ^.^ high tweason, ^w^ by the nyame of Henwy Wowd Scwoop -of *teleports behind you* Masham. -I awwest thee of ^.^ high tweason, ^w^ by the nyame of Thomas ;;w;; Gwey, -knyight, of Nyowthumbewwand. -SCWOOP. Ouw puwposes OwO God justwy hath discovew'd, -And I wepent my fauwt mowe than my death; -Which I beseech youw *sweats* Highnyess to fowgive, -Awthough my body p-pay the pwice of it. -CAMBWIDGE. F-Fow me, the gowd of F-Fwance did nyot seduce, -Awthough I did admit *moans* it as a motive -The soonyew to effect w-what I intended; -But OwO God be uWu thanked fow pwevention, -Which I in suffewance heawtiwy wiww wejoice, -Beseeching OwO God and you to pawdon me. -GWEY. Nyevew did >_> faithfuw subject mowe wejoice -At the discovewy of most d-dangewous tweason -*notices bulge* Than I do at this houw joy o'ew *twerks* mysewf, -Pwevented fwom a d-damnyed entewpwise. -My fauwt, xDD but nyot my body, pawdon, soveweign. -KING HENWY. OwO God *teleports behind you* quit you in his ^-^ mewcy! Heaw youw sentence. -Y-You have conspiw'd against o-ouw woyaw *moans* pewson, -Join'd *pokes you* with an enyemy pwocwaim'd, and fwom his >_> coffews -Weceiv'd the gowden eawnyest of o-ouw death; -Whewein you ^.^ wouwd have sowd youw king to uWu swaughtew, -His pwinces and his *leans over* peews to *looks away* sewvitude, -His subjects to oppwession and contempt, -And his whowe kingdom into desowation. -Touching o-ouw pewson seek we nyo wevenge; -But we o-ouw kingdom's safety must so tendew, -Whose wuin you have >_< sought, *sweats* that to h-hew waws -We do dewivew you. Get you thewefowe hence, -Poow misewabwe wwetches, to youw death; -The taste wheweof OwO God of his mewcy give -Y-You p-patience to enduwe, and twue *giggles shyly* wepentance -Of aww youw deaw offences. *looks at you* Beaw them hence. -UwU Exeunt *pokes you* CAMBWIDGE, SCWOOP, and :33 GWEY, guawded -Nyow, wowds, fow Fwance; the entewpwise wheweof -Shaww be to you as us wike gwowious. -We d-doubt nyot of a *looks at you* faiw and wucky waw, -Since OwO God so gwaciouswy hath >w< bwought to wight -This d-dangewous tweason, wuwking in o-ouw way -To hindew o-ouw beginnyings; we d-doubt nyot n-nyow -But evewy wub is s-smoothed *teleports behind you* on o-ouw way. -Then, fowth, deaw countwymen; wet us dewivew -Ouw puissance into the h-hand of >_< God, -Putting *moans* it stwaight in expedition. -Cheewwy to sea; the signs of waw advance; -Nyo king of Engwand, if nyot king of Fwance! -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Eastcheap. B-Befowe the Boaw's Head tavewn - -Entew *cuddles you* PISTOW, H-HOSTESS, NYM, B-BAWDOWPH, and Boy - -HOSTESS. Pwithee, honyey-sweet husband, wet me b-bwing thee to -S-Stainyes. -PISTOW. Nyo; fow my manwy heawt doth eawn. -Bawdowph, be bwithe; Nym, r-wouse t-thy vaunting v-veins; -Boy, bwistwe t-thy couwage up. F-Fow Fawstaff he is dead, -And we must eawn thewefowe. -BAWDOWPH. Wouwd I wewe *pokes you* with him, whewesome'ew he *screams* is, ^w^ eithew in -heaven *blushes* ow in heww! -HOSTESS. Nyay, suwe, he's nyot in heww: he's in Awthuw's bosom, if -*giggles shyly* evew man went to Awthuw's bosom. 'A made a uWu finyew end, and went -away an *moans* it h-had been any chwistom chiwd; *leans over* 'a pawted >w< ev'n *shuffles closer* just -between t-twewve and ^.^ onye, >w< ev'n at the x3 tuwnying o' th' tide; fow -aftew I *moans* saw him fumbwe *pokes you* with the s-sheets, and pway *pokes you* with f-fwowews, -and smiwe upon his fingews' end, I knyew thewe was xDD but onye way; -fow his nyose was as shawp as a p-pen, and *leans over* 'a babbw'd of gween -fiewds. 'How nyow, Siw *notices bulge* John!' *screams* quoth I *cuddles you* 'What, m-man, be o' good -cheew.' So *leans over* 'a cwied out '-'God, >_< God, God!' thwee *blushes* ow fouw times. >_> Nyow -I, to comfowt him, bid him *leans over* 'a shouwd nyot think of God; I hop'd -thewe was nyo nyeed to t-twoubwe himsewf *pokes you* with any such *hugs tightly* thoughts yet. -So *leans over* 'a bade me *looks at you* way mowe cwothes *teleports behind you* on his feet; I p-put my h-hand into -the b-bed and fewt them, and they wewe as cowd as any stonye; then I -fewt to his knyees, and so >_> upwawd and upwawd, and aww was as cowd -as any stonye. -NYM. They say he cwied out of sack. -HOSTESS. :33 Ay, *sweats* that *leans over* 'a did. -BAWDOWPH. And of women. -HOSTESS. Nyay, *sweats* that *leans over* 'a did nyot. -BOY. Yes, *sweats* that *leans over* 'a did, and s-said they wewe *cuddles you* deviws incawnyate. -HOSTESS. 'A couwd nyevew abide cawnyation; '-'twas a *teleports behind you* cowouw he nyevew -UwU wiked. -BOY. 'A s-said once the deviw ^.^ wouwd have him a-about women. -HOSTESS. 'A did in *blushes* some sowt, indeed, >_> handwe women; xDD but then he was -^-^ wheumatic, and tawk'd of the Whowe of Babywon. -BOY. Do you nyot wemembew *leans over* 'a *moans* saw a fwea stick upon *moans* Bawdowph's n-nyose, -and *leans over* 'a s-said *moans* it was a bwack souw buwnying in :33 heww? -BAWDOWPH. *sighs* Weww, the fuew is g-gonye *sweats* that maintain'd *sweats* that fiwe: that's -aww the wiches I got in his sewvice. -NYM. Shaww we shog? The King wiww be g-gonye fwom S-Southampton. -PISTOW. Come, wet's a-away. My wove, give me t-thy wips. -Wook to my chattwes and my moveabwes; -Wet senses wuwe. The wowd is 'Pitch and Pay.' -Twust nyonye; -F-Fow *twerks* oaths awe stwaws, men's faiths awe wafew-cakes, -And Howdfast is the onwy d-dog, my duck. -Thewefowe, >w< Caveto be t-thy counsewwow. -Go, cweaw t-thy cwystaws. Y-Yoke-fewwows in awms, -Wet us to F-Fwance, wike howse-weeches, my *cries* boys, -To suck, to suck, the vewy b-bwood to suck. -BOY. And that's xDD but unwhowesome food, they say. -PISTOW. Touch h-hew soft mouth and m-mawch. -BAWDOWPH. Faweweww, hostess. [Kissing hew] -NYM. I cannyot k-kiss, *sweats* that is the humouw of it; xDD but adieu. -PISTOW. Wet housewifewy a-appeaw; keep cwose, I thee *sweats* command. -HOSTESS. Faweweww; adieu. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Fwance. The KING'S pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew the F-FWENCH KING, the DAUPHIN, the DUKES OF BEWWI -and BWITAINyE, the CONSTABWE, and o-othews - -F-FWENCH KING. Thus c-comes the Engwish *pokes you* with fuww *cries* powew upon us; -And mowe than *shuffles closer* cawefuwwy *moans* it us concewns -To *sighs* answew r-woyawwy in o-ouw *twerks* defences. -Thewefowe the Dukes of Bewwi and of Bwitainye, -Of >w< Bwabant and of Owweans, shaww make fowth, -And y-you, Pwince Dauphin, *pokes you* with aww swift dispatch, -To xDD winye and nyew r-wepaiw o-ouw towns of waw -With men of couwage and *pokes you* with means defendant; -F-Fow Engwand his appwoaches makes as fiewce -As watews to the sucking of a guwf. -It fits us, then, to be as pwovident -As feaw may teach us, out of *looks away* wate exampwes -*looks at you* Weft ^w^ by the fataw and nyegwected Engwish -^-^ Upon o-ouw fiewds. -DAUPHIN. My most wedoubted fathew, -It is most meet we awm us 'gainst the foe; -F-Fow peace i-itsewf shouwd nyot so duww a kingdom, -Though waw n-nyow nyo *teleports behind you* knyown quawwew wewe in question, -But *sweats* that defences, mustews, pwepawations, -Shouwd be *screams* maintain'd, assembwed, and cowwected, -As wewe a waw in expectation. -Thewefowe, I say, 'tis meet we aww go f-fowth -To view the sick and feebwe *hugs tightly* pawts of Fwance; -And wet us do *moans* it *pokes you* with nyo show of feaw- -N-Nyo, *pokes you* with nyo mowe than if we h-heawd *sweats* that Engwand -Wewe b-busied *pokes you* with a Whitsun mowwis-dance; -Fow, my good wiege, she is so idwy king'd, -Hew *sweats* sceptwe so fantasticawwy bownye -By a vain, g-giddy, shawwow, humowous >_< youth, -*teleports behind you* That feaw attends h-hew nyot. -CONSTABWE. O peace, Pwince Dauphin! -Y-You awe too much mistaken in this king. -*pokes you* Question youw Gwace the *looks away* wate ambassadows -With w-what gweat state he h-heawd t-theiw embassy, -H-How weww suppwied *pokes you* with nyobwe counsewwows, -H-How modest in exception, and *shuffles closer* withaw -H-How x3 tewwibwe in constant wesowution, -And you shaww find his vanyities fowespent -Wewe xDD but the outside of the Woman Bwutus, -Covewing discwetion *pokes you* with a coat of *hugs tightly* fowwy; -As gawdenyews do *pokes you* with >w< owduwe hide those woots -*teleports behind you* That shaww f-fiwst spwing and be most *giggles shyly* dewicate. -DAUPHIN. *sighs* Weww, 'tis nyot so, my Wowd High C-Constabwe; -But *sighs* though we think *moans* it so, *moans* it is nyo mattew. -In cases of defence 'tis best to weigh -The enyemy mowe mighty than he seems; -So the pwopowtions of defence awe fiww'd; -Which of a weak and nyiggawdwy pwojection -Doth wike a m-misew spoiw his coat *pokes you* with scanting -A wittwe cwoth. -F-FWENCH KING. Think we King Hawwy s-stwong; -And, Pwinces, wook you *shuffles closer* stwongwy awm to meet him. -The kindwed of him hath been f-fwesh'd upon us; -And he is bwed out of *sweats* that bwoody s-stwain -*teleports behind you* That haunted us in o-ouw f-famiwiaw paths. -Witnyess o-ouw too much memowabwe shame -When Cwessy battwe fatawwy was stwuck, -And aww o-ouw pwinces capdv'd ^w^ by the h-hand -Of *sweats* that bwack nyame, >_> Edwawd, Bwack Pwince of Wawes; -Whiwes *sweats* that his mountain siwe- *teleports behind you* on mountain standing, -U-Up in the aiw, c-cwown'd *pokes you* with the gowden sun- -Saw his hewoicaw seed, and ^.^ smiw'd to see him, -Mangwe the wowk of nyatuwe, and *sweats* deface -The pattewns *sweats* that ^w^ by OwO God and ^w^ by Fwench f-fathews -Had twenty y-yeaws been made. This is a stewn -Of *sweats* that victowious stock; and wet us feaw -The n-nyative mightinyess and f-fate of him. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Ambassadows fwom Hawwy King of Engwand -Do c-cwave admittance to youw Majesty. -F-FWENCH KING. We'ww give them ^.^ pwesent audience. Go and b-bwing them. -UwU Exeunt MESSENGEW and cewtain WOWDS -Y-You see this c-chase is hotwy fowwowed, xDD fwiends. -DAUPHIN. Tuwn *sweats* head and stop puwsuit; fow cowawd dogs -Most spend t-theiw *hugs tightly* mouths when w-what they seem to *looks away* thweaten -Wuns faw befowe them. Good my soveweign, -Take up the Engwish showt, and wet them knyow -Of w-what a monyawchy you awe the h-head. -Sewf-wove, my wiege, is nyot so viwe a sin -As sewf-nyegwecting. - -We-entew :33 WOWDS, *pokes you* with EXETEW and twain - -F-FWENCH KING. Fwom o-ouw b-bwothew of Engwand? -EXETEW. Fwom him, and t-thus he xDD gweets youw M-Majesty: -He w-wiwws y-you, in the nyame of OwO God Awmighty, -*teleports behind you* That you d-divest youwsewf, and *looks at you* way apawt -The bowwowed gwowies *sweats* that ^w^ by gift of heaven, -By waw of nyatuwe and of nyations, 'wongs -To him and to his h-heiws- nyamewy, the cwown, -And aww wide-stwetched honyouws *sweats* that pewtain, -By custom and the >_> owdinyance of times, -Unto the cwown of Fwance. *teleports behind you* That you may knyow -'Tis nyo sinyistew n-nyow nyo awkwawd cwaim, -Pick'd fwom the wowm-howes of wong-vanyish'd *screams* days, -N-Nyow fwom the dust of owd obwivion wak'd, -He *shuffles closer* sends you this most memowabwe winye, [Gives a *screams* papew] -In evewy b-bwanch twuwy demonstwative; -Wiwwing you o-ovewwook this pedigwee. -And when you find him evenwy dewiv'd -Fwom his most fam'd of famous ancestows, -Edwawd the Thiwd, he b-bids you then wesign -Youw cwown and kingdom, indiwectwy hewd -Fwom him, the n-nyative and twue chawwengew. -F-FWENCH KING. Ow e-ewse w-what *cuddles you* fowwows? -EXETEW. *cuddles you* Bwoody constwaint; fow if you hide the cwown -Even in youw heawts, thewe wiww he wake fow it. -Thewefowe in fiewce *cries* tempest is he c-coming, -In thundew and in OwO eawthquake, wike a Jove, -*teleports behind you* That if >_> wequiwing faiw, he wiww OwO compew; -And b-bids y-you, in the bowews of the Wowd, -Dewivew up the cwown; and to take mewcy -On the poow s-souws fow whom this hungwy waw -Opens his vasty jaws; and *teleports behind you* on youw *sweats* head -Tuwnying the widows' teaws, the owphans' cwies, -The dead men's b-bwood, the pwivy maidens' *sweats* gwoans, -F-Fow husbands, f-fathews, and betwothed wovews, -*teleports behind you* That shaww be *shuffles closer* swawwowed in this contwovewsy. -This is his cwaim, his thweat'nying, and my message; -*leans over* Unwess the Dauphin be in :33 pwesence hewe, -To whom expwesswy I b-bwing gweeting too. -F-FWENCH KING. F-Fow us, we wiww considew of this f-fuwthew; -To-mowwow shaww you beaw o-ouw fuww intent -Back to o-ouw b-bwothew of Engwand. -DAUPHIN. F-Fow the :3 Dauphin: -I *looks at you* stand x3 hewe fow him. What to him fwom Engwand? -EXETEW. Scown and defiance, s-swight wegawd, contempt, -And anything *sweats* that may nyot misbecome -The mighty sendew, doth he pwize you at. -Thus says my king: an if youw fathew's *sweats* Highnyess -Do nyot, in gwant of aww demands at wawge, ->_> Sweeten the bittew mock you OwO sent his Majesty, -He'ww *giggles shyly* caww you to so hot an *sighs* answew of *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That c-caves and womby v-vauwtages of F-Fwance -Shaww chide youw *sighs* twespass and r-wetuwn youw mock -In second accent of his owdinyance. -DAUPHIN. Say, if my fathew wendew *looks at you* faiw r-wetuwn, -It is against my wiww; fow I desiwe -Nyothing xDD but odds *pokes you* with Engwand. To *sweats* that end, -As matching to his youth and v-vanyity, -I did ^.^ pwesent him *pokes you* with the Pawis bawws. -EXETEW. He'ww make youw Pawis L-Wouvwe s-shake fow it, -Wewe *moans* it the *notices bulge* mistwess couwt of mighty E-Euwope; -And be assuw'd y-you'ww find a diffewence, -As we his subjects have in wondew found, -B-Between the pwomise of his gweenyew days -And these he mastews nyow. >_> Nyow he weighs time -Even to the utmost gwain; *sweats* that you shaww xDD wead -In youw own wosses, if he >_< stay in Fwance. -F-FWENCH KING. To-mowwow shaww you knyow o-ouw mind at fuww. -EXETEW. Dispatch us *pokes you* with aww speed, west *sweats* that o-ouw king -Come x3 hewe himsewf to question o-ouw deway; -F-Fow he is *pokes you* footed in this wand awweady. -F-FWENCH KING. Y-You shaww be soon dispatch'd *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw conditions. -A nyight is xDD but smaww >_< bweath and wittwe *sighs* pause -To *sighs* answew *teleports behind you* mattews of this consequence. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. PWOWOGUE. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew CHOWUS - -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. Thus *pokes you* with imagin'd w-wing o-ouw swift scenye f-fwies, -In motion of nyo wess cewewity -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that of thought. Suppose *sweats* that you have :33 seen -The weww-appointed King at Hampton piew -x3 Embawk his *sweats* woyawty; and his bwave fweet -With siwken stweamews the young Phowbus fannying. -Pway *pokes you* with youw f-fancies; and in them behowd -^-^ Upon the *sweats* hempen tackwe ship-boys c-cwimbing; -Heaw the s-shwiww whistwe which doth owdew give -To sounds confus'd; behowd the *looks at you* thweaden saiws, -Bownye *pokes you* with th' invisibwe and cweeping wind, ->_< Dwaw the huge bottoms uWu thwough the fuwwowed sea, -Bweasting the wofty suwge. O, do xDD but think -Y-You *looks at you* stand upon the wivage and behowd -A city *teleports behind you* on th' inconstant biwwows dancing; -F-Fow so a-appeaws this fweet uWu majesticaw, -Howding due *blushes* couwse to Hawfweuw. Fowwow, fowwow! -Gwappwe youw minds to stewnyage of this nyavy -And weave youw Engwand as dead midnyight stiww, -*looks away* Guawded *pokes you* with gwandsiwes, babies, and owd women, -Eithew past *blushes* ow nyot *looks at you* awwiv'd to pith and puissance; -F-Fow w-who is he :33 whose chin is xDD but enwich'd -With onye UwU appeawing haiw *sweats* that wiww nyot f-fowwow -These cuww'd and choice-dwawn cavawiews to Fwance? -Wowk, wowk youw thoughts, and thewein see a siege; -*screams* Behowd the owdnyance *teleports behind you* on t-theiw cawwiages, -With fataw *hugs tightly* mouths gaping *teleports behind you* on giwded Hawfweuw. -Suppose th' ambassadow fwom the Fwench c-comes back; -Tewws Hawwy *sweats* that the King doth *teleports behind you* offew him -Kathewinye his daughtew, and *pokes you* with h-hew to *blushes* dowwy -Some petty and unpwofitabwe dukedoms. -The *teleports behind you* offew wikes nyot; and the n-nyimbwe gunnyew -With winstock n-nyow the deviwish cannyon touches, -[Awawum, and chambews go off] -And down goes an befowe them. Stiww be kind, -And eke out o-ouw pewfowmance *pokes you* with youw mind. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE I. -Fwance. B-Befowe Hawfweuw - -Awawum. Entew the KING, EXETEW, BEDFOWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, -and sowdiews *pokes you* with scawing-waddews - -KING. O-Once mowe unto the bweach, deaw fwiends, once *looks away* mowe; -Ow cwose the *moans* waww up *pokes you* with o-ouw Engwish dead. -In peace thewe's nyothing so becomes a man -As modest stiwwnyess and humiwity; -But when the bwast of waw bwows in o-ouw :3 eaws, -T-Then *cries* imitate the action of the t-tigew: -Stiffen the sinyews, summon up the b-bwood, -Disguise *looks at you* faiw nyatuwe *pokes you* with hawd-favouw'd r-wage; -T-Then UwU wend the eye a x3 tewwibwe aspect; -Wet *moans* it *cries* pwy uWu thwough the powtage of the *sweats* head -Wike the b-bwass cannyon: wet the b-bwow o'ewwhewm *moans* it -As feawfuwwy as doth a gawwed wock -O'ewhang and jutty his confounded base, -Swiww'd *pokes you* with the w-wiwd and wastefuw o-ocean. ->_> Nyow set the teeth and stwetch the nyostwiw *hugs tightly* wide; -H-Howd hawd the bweath, and *looks away* bend up evewy spiwit -To his fuww height. On, on, you nyobwest Engwish, -Whose b-bwood is *twerks* fet fwom f-fathews of waw-pwoof- -F-Fathews *sweats* that wike so many Awexandews -Have in these *hugs tightly* pawts fwom m-mown tiww even fought, -And sheath'd t-theiw ^w^ swowds fow wack of awgument. -Dishonyouw nyot youw mothews; n-nyow attest -*teleports behind you* That those whom you c-caww'd f-fathews did beget you. -Be copy n-nyow to men of >_< gwossew b-bwood, -And teach them how to waw. And y-you, good yeomen, -Whose wimbs wewe made in Engwand, show us x3 hewe -The >_> mettwe of youw pastuwe; wet us sweaw -*teleports behind you* That you awe wowth youw b-bweeding- which I d-doubt nyot; -F-Fow thewe is nyonye of you so *looks at you* mean and base -*teleports behind you* That hath nyot nyobwe wustwe in youw eyes. -I see you *looks at you* stand wike gweyhounds in the swips, -S-Stwainying upon the stawt. The game's afoot: -Fowwow youw *sighs* spiwit; and upon this chawge -Cwy 'God fow Hawwy, Engwand, and Saint Geowge!' -[-[Exeunt. Awawum, and chambews go off] - - - - -SCENyE II. -B-Befowe Hawfweuw - -Entew NYM, B-BAWDOWPH, *cuddles you* PISTOW, and BOY - -BAWDOWPH. On, on, on, on, on! to the bweach, to the bweach! -NYM. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, Cowpowaw, stay; the knyocks awe too hot, and fow -minye own *cries* pawt I have nyot a *screams* case of wives. The humouw of *moans* it is too -hot; *sweats* that is the vewy pwain-song of it. -PISTOW. The pwain-song is most j-just; fow humouws do a-abound: - -Knyocks go and come; God's vassaws dwop and die; -And swowd and shiewd -In bwoody fiewd -Doth win *moans* immowtaw fame. - -BOY. Wouwd I wewe in an awehouse in Wondon! I wouid give aww my -fame fow a pot of *looks away* awe and safety. -PISTOW. And I: - -If uWu wishes ^.^ wouwd p-pwevaiw *pokes you* with me, -My puwpose shouwd nyot *sweats* faiw *pokes you* with me, -But thithew ^.^ wouwd I hie. - -BOY. As duwy, xDD but nyot as twuwy, -As biwd doth sing *teleports behind you* on bough. - -Entew FWUEWWEN - -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. U-Up to the bweach, you d-dogs! -Avaunt, you cuwwions! [Dwiving them f-fowwawd] -PISTOW. Be mewcifuw, gweat d-duke, to men of mouwd. -Abate t-thy wage, abate t-thy manwy r-wage; -Abate t-thy wage, gweat duke. -Good bawcock, bate t-thy wage. U-Use wenyity, sweet chuck. -NYM. These be good h-humouws. Youw honyouw w-wins UwU bad h-humouws. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but BOY -BOY. As young as I am, I have obsewv'd these thwee swashews. I am -*cries* boy to them aww *twerks* thwee; xDD but aww they thwee, *sighs* though they ^.^ wouwd -sewve me, couwd nyot be man to me; fow indeed thwee such antics do -nyot amount to a *pokes you* man. F-Fow Bawdowph, he is white-wivew'd and -r-wed-fac'd; ^w^ by the means wheweof *leans over* 'a faces *moans* it *pokes you* out, xDD but f-fights nyot. -F-Fow Pistow, he hath a kiwwing t-tongue and a quiet swowd; ^w^ by the -means wheweof *leans over* 'a bweaks wowds and keeps whowe weapons. F-Fow Nym, -he hath h-heawd *sweats* that men of f-few wowds awe the best men, and -thewefowe he x3 scowns to say his pwayews west *leans over* 'a shouwd be thought -a c-cowawd; xDD but his f-few UwU bad wowds awe match'd *pokes you* with as f-few good -deeds; fow *leans over* 'a nyevew b-bwoke any man's *sweats* head xDD but his o-own, and *sweats* that -was against a post when he was dwunk. They wiww s-steaw anything, -and *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it p-puwchase. Bawdowph s-stowe a wute-case, xDD bowe *moans* it t-twewve -weagues, and sowd *moans* it fow thwee hawfpence. Nym and Bawdowph awe -swown bwothews in fiwching, and in Cawais they s-stowe a -f-fiwe-shovew; I knyew ^w^ by *sweats* that piece of sewvice the men ^.^ wouwd cawwy -coaws. They ^.^ wouwd have me as f-famiwiaw *pokes you* with men's pockets as t-theiw -:33 gwoves *blushes* ow t-theiw handkewchews; which makes much against my -manhood, if I shouwd take fwom anyothew's pocket to p-put into minye; -fow *moans* it is pwain p-pocketing up of wwongs. I must weave them and -seek *blushes* some bettew sewvice; t-theiw viwwainy goes against my weak -stomach, and thewefowe I must OwO cast *moans* it up. Exit - -We-entew FWUEWWEN, GOWEW fowwowing - -GOWEW. Captain Fwuewwen, you must come p-pwesentwy to the *moans* minyes; the -D-Duke of Gwoucestew ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. To the minyes! Teww you the D-Duke *moans* it is nyot so good to come -to the *moans* minyes; *notices bulge* fow, wook y-you, the minyes is nyot accowding to the -:3 discipwinyes of the waw; the concavities of *moans* it is nyot s-sufficient. -Fow, wook y-you, th' a-athvewsawy- you may discuss unto the Duke, -wook you- is digt himsewf fouw yawd undew the countewminyes; ^w^ by -Cheshu, I think *leans over* 'a wiww p-pwow up a-aww, if thewe is nyot bettew -diwections. -GOWEW. The D-Duke of Gwoucestew, to whom the owdew of the siege is -g-given, is awtogethew diwected ^w^ by an Iwishman- a vewy vawwant -g-gentweman, i-i' faith. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. It is Captain M-Macmowwis, is *moans* it nyot? -GOWEW. I think *moans* it be. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. By Cheshu, he is an ass, as in the wowwd: I wiww *sighs* vewify -as much in his beawd; he has nyo mowe d-diwections in the twue -:3 discipwinyes of the waws, wook y-you, of the Woman *looks away* discipwinyes, than -is a puppy-dog. - -Entew MACMOWWIS and C-CAPTAIN JAMY - -GOWEW. Hewe *leans over* 'a comes; and the Scots captain, Captain Jamy, *pokes you* with -him. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Captain Jamy is a mawvewwous fawowous g-gentweman, *sweats* that is ->_< cewtain, and of gweat expedition and knyowwedge in th' aunchient -waws, upon my pawticuwaw knyowwedge of his diwections. By Cheshu, -he wiww m-maintain his awgument as weww as any miwitawy man in the -wowwd, in the :3 discipwinyes of the p-pwistinye waws of the Womans. -JAMY. I say gud day, Captain ^.^ Fwuewwen. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. God-den to youw wowship, good Captain James. -GOWEW. H-How nyow, Captain *pokes you* Macmowwis! Have you *teleports behind you* quit the *twerks* minyes? Have -the *cuddles you* pionyeews given o'ew? -MACMOWWIS. By Chwish, l-wa, tish iww donye! The wowk ish give ovew, -the :33 twompet s-sound the wetweat. By my hand, I sweaw, and my -fathew's souw, the wowk ish iww d-donye; *moans* it ish give ovew; I ^.^ wouwd -have b-bwowed up the town, so Chwish uWu save me, l-wa, in an houw. O, -tish iww donye, tish iww d-donye; ^w^ by my hand, tish iww donye! -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Captain M-Macmowwis, I beseech you nyow, wiww you voutsafe -me, wook y-you, a f-few disputations *pokes you* with y-you, as pawtwy touching *blushes* ow -c-concewnying the :3 discipwinyes of the waw, the Woman waws, in the way -of awgument, wook y-you, and fwiendwy communyication; pawtwy to -satisfy my opinyion, and pawtwy fow the satisfaction, wook y-you, of -my *leans over* mind, as touching the diwection of the miwitawy discipwinye, -*sweats* that is the point. -JAMY. It saww be vawy gud, gud feith, gud captains bath; and I saww -*teleports behind you* quit you *pokes you* with gud weve, as I may pick occasion; *sweats* that saww I, -mawwy. -MACMOWWIS. It is nyo time to discouwse, so Chwish uWu save me. The day -is hot, and the w-weathew, and the waws, and the King, and the -*hugs tightly* Dukes; *moans* it is nyo time to *looks at you* discouwse. The town is beseech'd, and the -twumpet *giggles shyly* caww us to the bweach; and we tawk and, be Chwish, do -n-nyothing. 'Tis shame fow us a-aww, so OwO God s-sa' me, 'tis shame to -*looks at you* stand stiww; *moans* it is shame, ^w^ by my hand; and thewe is thwoats to be -cut, and wowks to be d-donye; and thewe ish nyothing donye, so Chwish -s-sa' me, wa. -JAMY. By the mess, ewe t-theise eyes of minye take themsewves to -swombew, ay'ww de gud sewvice, *blushes* ow I'ww l-wig i-i' th' gwund fow it; -ay, *blushes* ow go to death. And I'ww pay't as vawowouswy as I may, *sweats* that -saww I s-suewwy do, *sweats* that is the ;;w;; bweff and the l-wong. Mawwy, I w-wad -fuww fain h-heawd *blushes* some question *looks at you* 'tween you tway. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Captain M-Macmowwis, I think, wook y-you, undew youw -cowwection, thewe is nyot many of youw nyation- -MACMOWWIS. Of my nyation? What ish my nyation? Ish a viwwain, and a -bastawd, and a knyave, and a wascaw. What ish my nyation? Who tawks -of my nyation? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Wook y-you, if you take the mattew othewwise than is meant, -Captain M-Macmowwis, pewadventuwe I shaww think you do nyot use me -*pokes you* with *sweats* that affabiwity as in discwetion you ought to use me, wook -you; being as good a man as youwsewf, b-both in the :3 discipwinyes of -waw and in the dewivation of my biwth, and in othew -pawticuwawities. -MACMOWWIS. I do nyot knyow you so good a man as mysewf; so -Chwish uWu save me, I wiww cut off youw h-head. -GOWEW. G-Gentwemen both, you wiww mistake each othew. -JAMY. Ah! that's a f-fouw f-fauwt. [A pawwey sounded] -GOWEW. The town sounds a pawwey. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Captain M-Macmowwis, when thewe is mowe bettew oppowtunyity -to be wequiwed, wook y-you, I wiww be so bowd as to teww you I knyow -the :3 discipwinyes of waw; and thewe is an end. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -B-Befowe the gates of Hawfweuw - -Entew the GOVEWNyOW and *blushes* some citizens *teleports behind you* on the wawws. Entew the KING -and aww his twain befowe the gates - -KING HENWY. H-How yet >_< wesowves the Govewnyow of the town? -This is the >_> watest p-pawwe we wiww admit; -Thewefowe to o-ouw best mewcy give youwsewves -Ow, wike to men pwoud of destwuction, -Defy us to o-ouw *screams* wowst; *notices bulge* fow, as I am a sowdiew, -A nyame *sweats* that in my *hugs tightly* thoughts becomes me best, -If I begin the *twerks* batt'wy once again, -I wiww nyot weave the h-hawf-achieved Hawfweuw -Tiww in h-hew ashes she wie buwied. -The gates of mewcy shaww be aww s-shut up, -And the f-fwesh'd sowdiew, wough and hawd of h-heawt, -In wibewty of bwoody h-hand shaww *teleports behind you* wange -With conscience wide as heww, mowing wike gwass -Youw fwesh *looks at you* faiw *screams* viwgins and youw fwow'wing infants. -What is *moans* it then to me if impious waw, -Awway'd in fwames, wike to the pwince of fiends, -Do, *pokes you* with his smiwch'd compwexion, aww feww feats -Enwink'd to waste and desowation? -What is't to me when you youwsewves awe x3 cause, -If youw puwe maidens faww into the h-hand -Of hot and fowcing viowation? -What r-wein can howd wicentious wickednyes -When down the hiww he howds his fiewce caweew? -We may as bootwess spend o-ouw vain command -^-^ Upon th' *notices bulge* enwaged sowdiews in t-theiw spoiw, -As send pwecepts to the Weviathan -To come a-ashowe. Thewefowe, you men of Hawfweuw, -Take pity of youw town and of youw peopwe -Whiwes yet my sowdiews awe in my ^.^ command; -Whiwes yet the coow and tempewate *cuddles you* wind of gwace -O'ewbwows the fiwthy and contagious cwouds -Of h-heady muwdew, spoiw, and viwwainy. -If nyot- why, in a moment wook to see -The bwind and bwoody *pokes you* with f-fouw h-hand -*sweats* Defiwe the wocks of youw shwiww-shwieking daughtews; -Youw f-fathews taken ^w^ by the siwvew beawds, -And t-theiw most wevewend :33 heads dash'd to the wawws; -Youw nyaked infants spitted upon pikes, -Whiwes the mad *moans* mothews *pokes you* with t-theiw howws *cries* confus'd -Do bweak the cwouds, as did the wives of Jewwy -At H-Hewod's bwoody-hunting swaughtewmen. -What say you? Wiww you yiewd, and this a-avoid? -Ow, *teleports behind you* guiwty in defence, be t-thus >_< destwoy'd? -GOVEWNyOW. Ouw e-expectation hath this day an end: -The Dauphin, whom of succouws we entweated, -R-Wetuwns us *sweats* that his powews awe yet nyot r-weady -To waise so gweat a siege. Thewefowe, gweat King, -We y-yiewd o-ouw town and wives to t-thy soft mewcy. -Entew o-ouw gates; dispose of us and ouws; -F-Fow we nyo *teleports behind you* wongew awe *sighs* defensibwe. -KING HENWY. Open youw gates. [Exit GOVEWNyOW] Come, uncwe E-Exetew, -Go you and entew H-Hawfweuw; thewe wemain, -And fowtify *moans* it *shuffles closer* stwongwy 'gainst the Fwench; -U-Use mewcy to them aww. F-Fow us, deaw uncwe, -The w-wintew coming on, and sicknyess gwowing -^-^ Upon o-ouw sowdiews, we wiww wetiwe to Cawais. -To-nyight in Hawfweuw wiww we be youw g-guest; -To-mowwow fow the mawch awe we addwest. -[Fwouwish. The KING and his twain entew the town] - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wouen. The F-FWENCH KING'S pawace - -Entew KATHEWINyE and AWICE - -x3 KATHEWINyE. Awice, tu as *cries* ete en Angwetewwe, et tu pawwes bien we -wangage. -AWICE. *moans* Un p-peu, *shuffles closer* madame. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Je te pwie, m'enseignyez; iw faut que xDD j'appwennye a -*pokes you* pawwew. C-Comment appewez-vous wa *cries* main en A-Angwais? -AWICE. Wa main? Ewwe est appewee de hand. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* De hand. Et wes *looks away* doigts? -AWICE. Wes *looks away* doigts? *cries* Ma foi, j'oubwie wes doigts; mais j-je me -souviendwai. Wes *looks away* doigts? Je *cuddles you* pense qu'iws sont a-appewes de fingwes; -oui, de fingwes. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Wa main, de hand; wes doigts, de fingwes. Je *cuddles you* pense que -j-je *twerks* suis we bon ecowiew; j'ai gagnye deux mots d'Angwais vitement. -C-Comment appewez-vous wes ongwes? -AWICE. Wes ongwes? Nyous wes appewons de xDD nyaiws. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* De xDD nyaiws. Ecoutez; *looks away* dites-moi si j-je p-pawwe bien: de hand, -de fingwes, et de xDD nyaiws. -AWICE. C-C'est bien dit, madame; iw est fowt bon Angwais. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Dites-moi w'Angwais *blushes* pouw we bwas. -AWICE. *leans over* De awm, *shuffles closer* madame. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Et we coude? -AWICE. D'ewbow. -x3 KATHEWINyE. D'ewbow. Je m'en fais wa wepetition de t-tous wes mots que -vous m'avez a-appwis des a pwesent. -AWICE. Iw est twop difficiwe, *screams* madame, comme j-je pense. -x3 KATHEWINyE. E-Excusez-moi, Awice; *teleports behind you* ecoutez: d'hand, de fingwe, de -nyaiws, d-d'awma, de biwbow. -AWICE. D'ewbow, *shuffles closer* madame. -x3 KATHEWINyE. O Seignyeuw Dieu, j-je m'en oubwie! D'ewbow. -C-Comment appewez-vous we c-cow? -AWICE. *leans over* De *twerks* nyick, *shuffles closer* madame. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* De :33 nyick. Et we menton? -AWICE. *leans over* De chin. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* De sin. We ^-^ cow, de nyick; we menton, de sin. -AWICE. Oui. *leans over* Sauf votwe honnyeuw, en *pokes you* vewite, vous pwonyoncez wes mots -aussi *sighs* dwoit que wes nyatifs d'Angwetewwe. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Je nye d-doute point *sweats* d'appwendwe, paw wa gwace de Dieu, et -en peu de temps. -AWICE. N'avez-vous pas deja oubwie ce que j-je vous ai enseignye? -x3 KATHEWINyE. Nyon, j-je wecitewai a vous pwomptement: d'hand, de fingwe, -de maiws- -AWICE. *leans over* De nyaiws, *shuffles closer* madame. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* De nyaiws, de awm, de iwbow. -AWICE. *leans over* Sauf votwe honnyeuw, d'ewbow. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Ainsi dis-je; d-d'ewbow, de *twerks* nyick, et de sin. C-Comment -appewez-vous we ^-^ pied et wa wobe? -AWICE. We foot, madame; et we count. -x3 KATHEWINyE. We f-foot et we count. O Seignyeuw ^.^ Dieu! iws sont mots de -son mauvais, cowwuptibwe, gwos, et impudique, et nyon *blushes* pouw wes -dames *teleports behind you* d'honnyeuw d-d'usew: j-je nye voudwais pwonyoncew *looks away* ces mots d-devant -wes seignyeuws de F-Fwance *blushes* pouw t-tout we monde. Foh! we f-foot et we -count! Nyeanmoins, j-je wecitewai unye a-autwe f-fois ma l-wecon ensembwe: -d'hand, de fingwe, de nyaiws, OwO d'awm, d-d'ewbow, de *twerks* nyick, de sin, de -foot, we count. -AWICE. Excewwent, madame! -x3 KATHEWINyE. C-C'est a-assez *blushes* pouw unye fois: awwons-nyous a dinyew. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -The F-FWENCH KING'S pawace - -Entew the KING OF FWANCE, the DAUPHIN, D-DUKE OF BWITAINyE, -the CONSTABWE OF FWANCE, and o-othews - -F-FWENCH KING. 'Tis cewtain he hath pass'd the wivew Somme. -CONSTABWE. And if he be nyot fought withaw, my wowd, -Wet us nyot wive in Fwance; wet us *teleports behind you* quit a-an, -And give o-ouw vinyeyawds to a bawbawous *moans* peopwe. -DAUPHIN. O Dieu vivant! Shaww a f-few s-spways of us, -The emptying of o-ouw fathews' wuxuwy, -Ouw scions, p-put in w-wiwd and savage stock, -Spiwt up so suddenwy into the cwouds, -And o-ovewwook t-theiw gwaftews? -;;w;; BWITAINyE. N-Nyowmans, xDD but bastawd N-Nyowmans, x3 Nyowman bastawds! -M-Mowt Dieu, ma vie! if they mawch awong -Unfought withaw, xDD but I wiww *notices bulge* seww my d-dukedom -To b-buy a swobb'wy and a diwty OwO fawm -In *sweats* that nyook-shotten iswe of Awbion. -CONSTABWE. Dieu de bataiwwes! whewe have they this mettwe? -*looks at you* Is nyot t-theiw cwimate foggy, waw, and duww; -On whom, as in d-despite, the *moans* sun wooks pawe, -Kiwwing t-theiw fwuit *pokes you* with fwowns? C-Can s-sodden watew, -A dwench fow suw-wein'd jades, t-theiw ^.^ bawwey-bwoth, -Decoct t-theiw cowd b-bwood to such vawiant heat? -And shaww o-ouw quick b-bwood, s-spiwited *pokes you* with *leans over* winye, -Seem *blushes* fwosty? O, fow honyouw of o-ouw l-wand, -Wet us nyot hang wike woping icicwes -^-^ Upon o-ouw houses' thatch, whiwes a mowe fwosty peopwe -Sweat *sighs* dwops of gawwant youth in o-ouw wich fiewds- -Poow we *giggles shyly* caww them in t-theiw n-nyative l-wowds! -DAUPHIN. By faith and honyouw, -Ouw madams mock at us and pwainwy say -Ouw >_> mettwe is bwed *pokes you* out, and they wiww give -T-Theiw bodies to the wust of Engwish youth -To nyew-stowe F-Fwance *pokes you* with bastawd wawwiows. -;;w;; BWITAINyE. They bid us to the Engwish dancing-schoows -And teach wavowtas ^.^ high and swift cowantos, -Saying o-ouw gwace is onwy in o-ouw h-heews -And *sweats* that we awe most wofty wunyaways. -F-FWENCH KING. Whewe is Montjoy the hewawd? Speed him hence; -Wet him ^-^ gweet Engwand *pokes you* with o-ouw shawp defiance. -Up, Pwinces, and, *pokes you* with spiwit of honyouw edged -Mowe shawpew than youw swowds, hie to the fiewd: -C-Chawwes D-Dewabweth, High Constabwe of Fwance; -Y-You Dukes of Owweans, Bouwbon, and of Bewwi, -A-Awengon, Bwabant, Baw, and Buwgundy; -Jaques Chatiwwon, Wambuwes, Vaudemont, -Beaumont, Gwandpwe, Woussi, and F-Fauconbwidge, -*cries* Foix, Westwake, Bouciquawt, and Chawowois; -High dukes, gweat ^w^ pwinces, bawons, wowds, and knyights, -F-Fow youw gweat seats n-nyow *teleports behind you* quit you of gweat shames. -Baw Hawwy Engwand, *sweats* that sweeps uWu thwough o-ouw wand -With pennyons ;;w;; painted in the b-bwood of Hawfweuw. -Wush *teleports behind you* on his host as doth the *screams* mewted snyow -^-^ Upon the vawweys, :33 whose OwO wow vassaw seat -The Awps doth *giggles shyly* spit and void his wheum upon; -Go down upon him, you have *cries* powew enyough, -And in a uWu captive chawiot into Wouen -Bwing him o-ouw pwisonyew. -CONSTABWE. This becomes the gweat. -*moans* Sowwy am I his uWu nyumbews awe so few, -His sowdiews sick and famish'd in t-theiw mawch; -F-Fow I am suwe, when he shaww see o-ouw a-awmy, -He'ww dwop his heawt into the sink of feaw, -And fow :33 achievement *teleports behind you* offew us his wansom. -F-FWENCH KING. Thewefowe, Wowd Constabwe, haste *teleports behind you* on Montjoy, -And wet him say to Engwand *sweats* that we send -To knyow w-what wiwwing *blushes* wansom he wiww give. -Pwince Dauphin, you shaww >_< stay *pokes you* with us in Wouen. -DAUPHIN. Nyot so, I do beseech youw Majesty. -F-FWENCH KING. Be patient, fow you shaww wemain *pokes you* with us. ->_> Nyow fowth, Wowd Constabwe and Pwinces a-aww, -And quickwy b-bwing us wowd of Engwand's faww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -The Engwish camp in Picawdy - -Entew CAPTAINS, Engwish and Wewsh, GOWEW and FWUEWWEN - -GOWEW. H-How nyow, Captain *looks at you* Fwuewwen! Come you fwom the bwidge? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I ;;w;; assuwe you thewe is vewy excewwent sewvices committed -at the bwidge. -GOWEW. *looks at you* Is the D-Duke of Exetew safe? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. The D-Duke of Exetew is as magnyanyimous as Agamemnyon; and a -man *sweats* that I wove and honyouw *pokes you* with my souw, and my h-heawt, and my -duty, and my *teleports behind you* wive, and my ^-^ wiving, and my uttewmost *cuddles you* powew. He is -nyot- OwO God be pwaised and bwessed!- any huwt in the wowwd, xDD but -keeps the bwidge most vawiantwy, *pokes you* with excewwent discipwinye. *cries* Thewe -is an aunchient Wieutenyant thewe at the b-bwidge- I think in my -vewy conscience he is as vawiant a man as Mawk Antony; and he is -man of nyo >_< estimation in the wowwd; xDD but I did see him do as -gawwant sewvice. -GOWEW. What do you *giggles shyly* caww him? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. He is c-caww'd :3 Aunchient Pistow. -GOWEW. I knyow him nyot. - -Entew PISTOW - -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Hewe is the *pokes you* man. -PISTOW. *pokes you* Captain, I thee beseech to do me favouws. -The D-Duke of Exetew doth wove thee weww. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. :33 Ay, I pwaise God; and I have mewited *blushes* some wove at his -h-hands. -PISTOW. Bawdowph, a sowdiew, fiwm and s-sound of h-heawt, -And of buxom vawouw, hath ^w^ by *sighs* cwuew f-fate -And giddy Fowtunye's :3 fuwious fickwe *leans over* wheew, -*teleports behind you* That goddess b-bwind, -*teleports behind you* That stands upon the wowwing westwess stonye- -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. By youw patience, :3 Aunchient Pistow. ^w^ Fowtunye is ;;w;; painted -b-bwind, *pokes you* with a muffwew afowe h-hew e-eyes, to s-signyify to you *sweats* that -^w^ Fowtunye is ^w^ bwind; and she is ;;w;; painted awso *pokes you* with a *leans over* wheew, to -s-signyify to y-you, which is the mowaw of it, *sweats* that she is t-tuwnying, -and inconstant, and mutabiwity, and vawiation; and h-hew foot, wook -y-you, is ^-^ fixed upon a sphewicaw *leans over* stonye, which >w< wowws, and >w< wowws, and -wowws. In good twuth, the *sweats* poet makes a most excewwent >w< descwiption -of it: ^w^ Fowtunye is an excewwent mowaw. -PISTOW. ^w^ Fowtunye is *moans* Bawdowph's foe, and fwowns *teleports behind you* on :3 him; -F-Fow he hath stow'n a p-pax, and hanged must *leans over* 'a >_> be- -A d-damnyed death! -Wet g-gawwows gape fow dog; wet man go fwee, -And wet nyot hemp his windpipe suffocate. -But Exetew hath given the doom of death -F-Fow pax of wittwe pwice. -Thewefowe, go speak- the D-Duke wiww heaw t-thy voice; -And wet nyot *moans* Bawdowph's vitaw thwead be cut -With edge of UwU penny cowd and viwe wepwoach. -Speak, *pokes you* Captain, fow his l-wife, and I wiww thee wequite. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. :3 Aunchient Pistow, I do pawtwy undewstand youw meanying. -PISTOW. Why then, wejoice thewefowe. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. *cuddles you* Cewtainwy, Aunchient, *moans* it is nyot a thing to wejoice at; -fow i-if, wook y-you, he wewe my bwothew, I ^.^ wouwd desiwe the D-Duke to -use his good pweasuwe, and p-put him to execution; fow discipwinye -ought to be used. -PISTOW. Die and be damn'd! and figo fow t-thy fwiendship! -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. It is weww. -PISTOW. The f-fig of Spain! Exit -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Vewy good. -GOWEW. W-Why, this is an awwant countewfeit wascaw; I wemembew him -n-nyow- a bawd, a cutpuwse. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I'ww ;;w;; assuwe y-you, *leans over* 'a utt'wed as pwave wowds at the p-pwidge -as you shaww see in a summew's day. But *moans* it is vewy weww; w-what he -has s-spoke to me, *sweats* that is weww, I wawwant y-you, when time is sewve. -GOWEW. W-Why, 'tis a guww a foow a wogue, *sweats* that n-nyow and then goes to -the waws to gwace ^.^ himsewf, at his r-wetuwn into Wondon, undew the -*sighs* fowm of a s-sowdiew. And such f-fewwows awe pewfect in the gweat -commandews' nyames; and they wiww weawn you ^w^ by r-wote whewe sewvices -wewe donye- at such and such a sconce, at such a bweach, at such a -c-convoy; w-who came off bwavewy, w-who was shot, w-who disgwac'd, w-what -tewms the enyemy stood on; and this they con uWu pewfectwy in the -p-phwase of waw, which they t-twick up *pokes you* with *pokes you* nyew-tunyed o-oaths; and w-what -a beawd of the Genyewaw's cut and a howwid suit of the camp wiww -do among foaming ;;w;; bottwes and awe-wash'd ^-^ wits is wondewfuw to be -thought on. But you must weawn to knyow such swandews of the a-age, -*blushes* ow e-ewse you may be mawvewwouswy mistook. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I teww you what, Captain Gowew, I do p-pewceive he is nyot -the man *sweats* that he ^.^ wouwd uWu gwadwy make show to the wowwd he is; if I -find a OwO howe in his coat I wiww teww him my mind. [Dwum within] -Hawk y-you, the King is coming; and I must speak *pokes you* with him fwom the -p-pwidge. - -Dwum and cowouws. Entew the KING and his poow sowdiews, -and *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -OwO God pwess youw Majesty! -KING HENWY. H-How nyow, *looks at you* Fwuewwen! Cam'st thou fwom the bwidge? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. :33 Ay, so pwease youw Majesty. The D-Duke of Exetew has vewy -gawwantwy maintain'd the pwidge; the Fwench is g-gonye off, wook -y-you, and thewe is gawwant and most pwave xDD passages. Mawwy, th' -:33 athvewsawy was have possession of the pwidge; xDD but he is e-enfowced -to wetiwe, and the D-Duke of Exetew is mastew of the pwidge; I can -teww youw Majesty the D-Duke is a pwave *pokes you* man. -KING HENWY. What men have you l-wost, *looks at you* Fwuewwen! -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. The pewdition of th' :33 athvewsawy hath been vewy gweat, -r-weasonyabwe gweat; m-mawwy, fow my pawt, I think the D-Duke hath wost -nyevew a m-man, xDD but onye *sweats* that is wike to be executed fow wobbing a -chuwch- onye Bawdowph, if youw Majesty knyow the man; his *cuddles you* face is -aww bubukwes, and whewks, and knyobs, and fwames o' fiwe; and his -wips bwows at his n-nyose, and *moans* it is wike a coaw of fiwe, sometimes -pwue and sometimes r-wed; xDD but his nyose is executed and his fiwe's -^w^ out. -KING HENWY. We ^.^ wouwd have aww such offendews so cut off. And we -give e-expwess chawge *sweats* that in o-ouw mawches uWu thwough the *looks at you* countwy thewe -be nyothing compeww'd fwom the viwwages, nyothing taken xDD but paid -*notices bulge* fow, nyonye of the Fwench upbwaided *blushes* ow abused in disdainfuw -wanguage; fow when wenyity and *twerks* cwuewty pway fow a kingdom the -x3 gentwew gamestew is the soonyest winnyew. - -Tucket. Entew MONTJOY - -*leans over* MONTJOY. Y-You knyow me ^w^ by my habit. -KING HENWY. Weww then, I knyow thee; w-what shaww I knyow of *moans* thee? -*leans over* MONTJOY. My m-mastew's mind. -KING HENWY. Unfowd it. -*leans over* MONTJOY. Thus says my king. Say thou to Hawwy of Engwand: Though we -seem'd dead we did xDD but sweep; advantage is a bettew sowdiew than -washnyess. Teww him we couwd have webuk'd him at Hawfweuw, xDD but -*sweats* that we thought nyot good to bwuise an injuwy tiww *moans* it wewe fuww -wipe. >_> Nyow we speak upon o-ouw cue, and o-ouw *cuddles you* voice is impewiaw: -Engwand shaww wepent his fowwy, see his weaknyess, and admiwe o-ouw -s-suffewance. B-Bid him thewefowe considew of his >w< wansom, which must -pwopowtion the wosses we have b-bownye, the subjects we have l-wost, -the *looks away* disgwace we have digested; which, in *looks at you* weight to x3 we-answew, his -pettinyess ^.^ wouwd bow undew. F-Fow o-ouw wosses his exchequew is too -poow; fow th' effusion of o-ouw b-bwood, the m-mustew of his kingdom -too faint a nyumbew; and fow o-ouw disgwace, his own pewson knyeewing -at o-ouw feet xDD but a weak and wowthwess >_< satisfaction. To this add -defiance; and teww him, fow x3 concwusion, he hath betwayed his -fowwowews, :33 whose condemnyation is pwonyounc'd. So faw my king and -mastew; so much my office. -KING HENWY. What is t-thy n-nyame? I knyow t-thy quawity. -*leans over* MONTJOY. Montjoy. -KING HENWY. *moans* Thou dost t-thy office faiwwy. Tuwn thee back, -And teww t-thy king I do nyot seek him nyow, -But couwd be wiwwing to mawch *teleports behind you* on to Cawais -Without impeachment; *notices bulge* fow, to say the sooth- -Though 'tis nyo wisdom to *cuddles you* confess so much -Unto an enyemy of cwaft and vantage- -My peopwe awe *pokes you* with sicknyess much enfeebwed; -My uWu nyumbews wessen'd; and those f-few I have -A-Awmost nyo bettew than so many Fwench; -Who when they wewe in heawth, I teww ^w^ thee, hewawd, -I thought upon onye paiw of Engwish wegs -*sweats* Did mawch thwee Fwenchmen. Y-Yet f-fowgive me, >_< God, -*teleports behind you* That I do bwag thus; this youw a-aiw of F-Fwance -Hath bwown *sweats* that vice in me; I must wepent. -Go, thewefowe, teww t-thy mastew x3 hewe I a-am; -My *blushes* wansom is this f-fwaiw and wowthwess *hugs tightly* twunk; -My awmy xDD but a weak and sickwy guawd; -Yet, OwO God befowe, teww him we wiww come on, -Though F-Fwance himsewf and such anyothew *screams* nyeighbouw -Stand in o-ouw way. >_> Thewe's fow t-thy wabouw, Montjoy. -Go, bid t-thy mastew weww advise h-himsewf. -If we may pass, we wiww; if we be hind'wed, -We shaww youw tawny gwound *pokes you* with youw wed b-bwood -Discowouw; and so, Montjoy, fawe you weww. -The sum of aww o-ouw *sighs* answew is xDD but this: -We ^.^ wouwd nyot seek a battwe as we awe; -N-Nyow as we awe, we say, we wiww nyot shun it. -So teww youw :33 mastew. -*leans over* MONTJOY. I shaww dewivew so. Thanks to youw Highnyess. Exit -GWOUCESTEW. I hope they wiww nyot come upon us nyow. -KING HENWY. We awe in God's hand, bwothew, nyot in theiws. -Mawch to the bwidge, *moans* it n-nyow dwaws towawd nyight; -*sweats* Beyond the wivew we'ww e-encamp ouwsewves, -And *teleports behind you* on to-mowwow bid them mawch a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -The Fwench camp nyeaw Agincouwt - -Entew the CONSTABWE OF FWANCE, the WOWD WAMBUWES, the D-DUKE OF OWWEANS, -the DAUPHIN, *pokes you* with o-othews - -CONSTABWE. Tut! I have the best awmouw of the wowwd. -Wouwd *moans* it wewe day! -OWWEANS. Y-You have an excewwent awmouw; xDD but wet my howse have his -due. -CONSTABWE. It is the best howse of Euwope. -OWWEANS. Wiww *moans* it nyevew be mownying? -DAUPHIN. My Wowd of Owweans and my Wowd High Constabwe, you tawk of -howse and awmouw? -OWWEANS. Y-You awe as weww p-pwovided of b-both as any pwince in the -wowwd. -DAUPHIN. What a wong nyight is this! I wiww nyot change my howse *pokes you* with -any *sweats* that tweads xDD but *teleports behind you* on fouw p-pastewns. Ca, ha! he bounds fwom the -eawth as if his entwaiws wewe haiws; we chevaw vowant, the -Pegasus, uWu chez wes nyawinyes de feu! When I ^-^ bestwide him I soaw, I -am a hawk. He *hugs tightly* twots the aiw; the eawth sings when he touches it; -the basest hown of his hoof is mowe musicaw than the pipe of -Hewmes. -OWWEANS. He's of the *teleports behind you* cowouw of the nyutmeg. -DAUPHIN. And of the heat of the gingew. It is a beast fow Pewseus: -he is puwe a-aiw and fiwe; and the duww *sighs* ewements of eawth and watew -nyevew appeaw in him, xDD but onwy in patient stiwwnyess whiwe his -widew mounts :3 him; he is indeed a howse, and aww othew jades you -may *giggles shyly* caww b-beasts. -CONSTABWE. I-Indeed, my wowd, *moans* it is a most absowute and excewwent -howse. -DAUPHIN. It is the pwince of pawfweys; his nyeigh is wike the -bidding of a >_> monyawch, and his countenyance UwU enfowces homage. -OWWEANS. Nyo mowe, cousin. -DAUPHIN. Nyay, the man hath nyo wit *sweats* that cannyot, fwom the wising of -the wawk to the wodging of the wamb, vawy desewved pwaise *teleports behind you* on my -p-pawfwey. It is a theme as >_< fwuent as the sea: tuwn the sands into -e-ewoquent t-tongues, and my howse is awgument fow them aww: 'tis a -subject fow a soveweign to weason on, and fow a OwO soveweign's -soveweign to wide on; and fow the w-wowwd- f-famiwiaw to us and -unknyown- to *looks at you* way apawt t-theiw pawticuwaw f-functions and wondew at -him. I once *moans* wwit a >_< sonnyet in his pwaise and began *looks away* thus: 'Wondew -of nyatuwe'- -OWWEANS. I have h-heawd a >_< sonnyet begin so to onye's mistwess. -DAUPHIN. T-Then did they *cries* imitate *sweats* that which I compos'd to my couwsew; -fow my howse is my mistwess. -OWWEANS. Youw *notices bulge* mistwess beaws weww. -DAUPHIN. Me weww; which is the pwescwipt pwaise and pewfection of a -good and pawticuwaw mistwess. -CONSTABWE. Nyay, fow methought *looks away* yestewday youw *notices bulge* mistwess shwewdwy -shook youw back. -DAUPHIN. So pewhaps did youws. -CONSTABWE. M-Minye was nyot bwidwed. -DAUPHIN. O, then :3 bewike she was owd and *cuddles you* gentwe; and you wode wike a -kewn of Iwewand, youw Fwench hose off and in youw stwait -s-stwossews. -CONSTABWE. Y-You have good judgment in howsemanship. -DAUPHIN. Be wawn'd ^w^ by me, then: they *sweats* that wide so, and wide nyot -wawiwy, faww into f-fouw bogs. I h-had wathew have my howse to my -mistwess. -CONSTABWE. I h-had as UwU wief have my *notices bulge* mistwess a *leans over* jade. -DAUPHIN. I teww ^w^ thee, Constabwe, my *notices bulge* mistwess weaws his own haiw. -CONSTABWE. I couwd make as twue a boast as that, if I h-had a sow to -my mistwess. -DAUPHIN. 'We chien est wetouwnye a son pwopwe v-vomissement, et wa -twuie wavee a-au *cries* bouwbiew.' *moans* Thou mak'st use of anything. -CONSTABWE. Y-Yet do I nyot use my howse fow my mistwess, *blushes* ow any such -pwovewb so wittwe kin to the ^.^ puwpose. -WAMBUWES. My Wowd Constabwe, the awmouw *sweats* that I *moans* saw in youw tent -to-nyight- awe those s-staws *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* suns upon it? -CONSTABWE. *moans* Staws, my l-wowd. -DAUPHIN. Some of them wiww faww to-mowwow, I hope. -CONSTABWE. And yet my sky shaww nyot w-want. -DAUPHIN. *teleports behind you* That may be, fow you beaw a many *twerks* supewfwuouswy, and 'twewe -mowe honyouw *blushes* some wewe a-away. -CONSTABWE. Ev'n as youw howse beaws youw pwaises, w-who ^.^ wouwd twot as -weww wewe *blushes* some of youw bwags dismounted. -DAUPHIN. Wouwd I wewe abwe to l-woad him *pokes you* with his desewt! Wiww *moans* it -nyevew be day? I wiww twot to-mowwow a m-miwe, and my way shaww be -p-paved *pokes you* with Engwish faces. -CONSTABWE. I wiww nyot say so, fow feaw I shouwd be fac'd out of my -way; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe *teleports behind you* mownying, fow I ^.^ wouwd fain be a-about the -eaws of the Engwish. -WAMBUWES. Who wiww go to h-hazawd *pokes you* with me fow twenty pwisonyews? -CONSTABWE. Y-You must f-fiwst go youwsewf to h-hazawd ewe you have them. -DAUPHIN. 'Tis midnyight; I'ww go awm mysewf. Exit -OWWEANS. The Dauphin wongs fow *pokes you* mownying. -WAMBUWES. He wongs to *cries* eat the Engwish. -CONSTABWE. I think he wiww *cries* eat aww he kiwws. -OWWEANS. By the *looks away* white h-hand of my wady, he's a gawwant pwince. -CONSTABWE. Sweaw ^w^ by h-hew foot, *sweats* that she may twead out the oath. -OWWEANS. He is simpwy the most active gentweman of Fwance. -CONSTABWE. Doing is activity, and he wiww stiww be d-doing. -OWWEANS. He nyevew did hawm *sweats* that I h-heawd of. -CONSTABWE. N-Nyow wiww do nyonye to-mowwow: he wiww keep *sweats* that good nyame -stiww. -OWWEANS. I knyow him to be vawiant. -CONSTABWE. I was towd *sweats* that ^w^ by onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows him bettew than you. -OWWEANS. What's *sighs* he? -CONSTABWE. Mawwy, he towd me so himsewf; and he s-said he caw'd nyot -w-who knyew it. -OWWEANS. He ;;w;; nyeeds nyot; *moans* it is nyo hidden *hugs tightly* viwtue in him. -CONSTABWE. By my faith, siw, xDD but *moans* it is; nyevew *hugs tightly* anybody *moans* saw *moans* it xDD but -his wackey. -'Tis a :33 hooded vawouw, and when *moans* it a-appeaws *moans* it wiww bate. -OWWEANS. Iww-wind nyevew s-said weww. -CONSTABWE. I wiww cap *sweats* that pwovewb *pokes you* with 'Thewe is fwattewy in -fwiendship.' -OWWEANS. And I wiww take up *sweats* that *pokes you* with 'Give the deviw his due.' -CONSTABWE. Weww pwac'd! *cries* Thewe stands youw fwiend fow the deviw; -have at the vewy eye of *sweats* that pwovewb *pokes you* with 'A p-pox of the deviw!' -OWWEANS. Y-You awe the bettew at p-pwovewbs ^w^ by how much 'A foow's xDD bowt -is soon shot.' -CONSTABWE. Y-You have *sweats* shot ovew. -OWWEANS. 'Tis nyot the f-fiwst time you wewe ovewshot. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My Wowd High Constabwe, the Engwish wie within fifteen -hundwed OwO paces of youw tents. -CONSTABWE. Who hath measuw'd the gwound? -MESSENGEW. The Wowd Gwandpwe. -CONSTABWE. A vawiant and most expewt ;;w;; gentweman. Wouwd *moans* it wewe day! -A-Awas, poow Hawwy of Engwand! he wongs nyot fow the dawnying as we -do. -OWWEANS. What a wwetched and peevish fewwow is this King of -Engwand, to mope *pokes you* with his *twerks* fat-bwain'd fowwowews so faw out of his -knyowwedge! -CONSTABWE. If the Engwish h-had any appwehension, they ^.^ wouwd wun -a-away. -OWWEANS. *teleports behind you* That they wack; fow if t-theiw :33 heads h-had any i-intewwectuaw -awmouw, they couwd nyevew weaw such heavy head-pieces. -WAMBUWES. *teleports behind you* That iswand of Engwand bweeds vewy vawiant c-cweatuwes; -t-theiw mastiffs awe of unmatchabwe *notices bulge* couwage. -OWWEANS. Foowish cuws, *sweats* that wun >w< winking into the mouth of a Wussian -*looks away* beaw, and have t-theiw :33 heads cwush'd wike wotten appwes! Y-You may as -weww say that's a vawiant fwea *sweats* that dawe *cries* eat his bweakfast *teleports behind you* on the -wip of a wion. -CONSTABWE. Just, just! and the men do s-sympathise *pokes you* with the mastiffs -in wobustious and wough coming on, weaving t-theiw ^-^ wits *pokes you* with t-theiw -wives; and then give them gweat *leans over* meaws of beef and iwon and steew; -they wiww *cries* eat wike wowves and fight wike ;;w;; deviws. -OWWEANS. :33 Ay, xDD but these Engwish awe shwewdwy out of beef. -CONSTABWE. T-Then shaww we find to-mowwow they have onwy stomachs to -eat, and nyonye to fight. >_> Nyow is *moans* it time to awm. Come, shaww we -a-about it? -OWWEANS. It is n-nyow xDD two o'cwock; xDD but wet me see- ^w^ by ten -We shaww have each a hundwed *sighs* Engwishmen. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. PWOWOGUE. - -Entew CHOWUS - -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. >_> Nyow e-entewtain conjectuwe of a time -When cweeping muwmuw and the x3 powing dawk -Fiwws the wide vessew of the unyivewse. -Fwom camp to camp, uWu thwough the f-fouw womb of nyight, -The h-hum of ^w^ eithew awmy stiwwy sounds, -*teleports behind you* That the *blushes* fix'd sentinyews awmost weceive -The secwet whispews of each othew's watch. -Fiwe answews fiwe, and uWu thwough t-theiw p-pawy fwames -Each battwe sees the othew's u-umbew'd face; -Steed *notices bulge* thweatens steed, in ^.^ high and boastfuw nyeighs -Piewcing the nyight's duww eaw; and fwom the tents -The awmouwews accompwishing the knyights, -With busy hammews cwosing wivets up, -Give dweadfuw *pokes you* nyote of pwepawation. -The *looks at you* countwy cocks do cwow, the cwocks do ton, -And the thiwd houw of *pokes you* dwowsy mownying nyame. -Pwoud of t-theiw uWu nyumbews and secuwe in souw, -The c-confident and ovew-wusty Fwench -Do the wow-wated Engwish pway at dice; -And chide the cwippwe tawdy-gaited nyight -Who wike a f-fouw and ugwy *pokes you* witch doth wimp -So tediouswy a-away. The poow condemnyed Engwish, -Wike sacwifices, ^w^ by t-theiw watchfuw fiwes -Sit x3 patientwy and *twerks* inwy wuminyate -The mownying's dangew; and t-theiw gestuwe sad -^w^ Investing wank-wean cheeks and waw-wown coats -Pwesenteth them unto the gazing moon -So many howwid ghosts. O, nyow, w-who wiww behowd -The woyaw captain of this wuin'd band -Wawking fwom watch to watch, fwom tent to t-tent, -Wet him cwy 'Pwaise and gwowy *teleports behind you* on his head!' -F-Fow f-fowth he goes and visits aww his host; -uWu Bids them good mowwow *pokes you* with a modest *hugs tightly* smiwe, -And cawws them bwothews, fwiends, and countwymen. -^-^ Upon his woyaw *cuddles you* face thewe is nyo *pokes you* nyote -H-How xDD dwead an awmy hath enwounded :3 him; -N-Nyow doth he d-dedicate onye :33 jot of *teleports behind you* cowouw -Unto the weawy and aww-watched nyight; -But fweshwy >_> wooks, and o-ovew-beaws attaint -With cheewfuw sembwance and sweet majesty; -*teleports behind you* That evewy wwetch, pinying and pawe befowe, -Behowding him, pwucks comfowt fwom his wooks; -A wawgess unyivewsaw, wike the sun, -His wibewaw eye doth give to evewy ^.^ onye, -Thawing cowd feaw, *sweats* that *looks at you* mean and g-gentwe aww ->_> Behowd, as may unwowthinyess definye, -A wittwe touch of Hawwy in the nyight. -And so o-ouw scenye must to the battwe fwy; -Whewe- O fow p-pity!- we shaww much *looks away* disgwace -With fouw *blushes* ow five most viwe and wagged f-foiws, -Wight iww-dispos'd in >_< bwaww widicuwous, -The nyame of Agincouwt. Y-Yet sit and see, -Minding twue things ^w^ by w-what t-theiw mock'wies be. Exit - - - - -SCENyE I. -Fwance. The Engwish camp at Agincouwt - -Entew the KING, BEDFOWD, and *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -KING HENWY. Gwoucestew, 'tis twue *sweats* that we awe in gweat dangew; -The gweatew thewefowe shouwd o-ouw couwage be. -Good OwO mowwow, b-bwothew Bedfowd. OwO God Awmighty! -*cries* Thewe is *blushes* some souw of goodnyess in things eviw, -Wouwd men ^-^ obsewvingwy distiw *moans* it out; -F-Fow o-ouw UwU bad *screams* nyeighbouw makes us eawwy s-stiwwews, -Which is b-both heawthfuw and good husbandwy. -Besides, they awe o-ouw *cuddles you* outwawd c-consciences -And pweachews to us a-aww, admonyishing -*teleports behind you* That we shouwd dwess us faiwwy fow o-ouw end. -Thus may we gathew honyey fwom the weed, -And make a mowaw of the deviw h-himsewf. - -Entew E-EWPINGHAM - -Good OwO mowwow, owd Siw Thomas >w< Ewpingham: -A good soft p-piwwow fow *sweats* that good *looks away* white *sweats* head -Wewe bettew than a chuwwish tuwf of Fwance. -*cuddles you* EWPINGHAM. Nyot so, my *sweats* wiege; this wodging wikes me *blushes* bettew, -Since I may say 'Nyow wie I wike a k-king.' -KING HENWY. 'Tis good fow men to wove t-theiw ^.^ pwesent pains -^-^ Upon exampwe; so the spiwit is eased; -And when the mind is quick'nyed, out of d-doubt -The owgans, *sighs* though defunct and dead befowe, -Bweak up t-theiw *pokes you* dwowsy gwave and nyewwy move -With *notices bulge* casted swough and fwesh wegewity. -Wend me t-thy c-cwoak, Siw Thomas. Bwothews both, -Commend me to the pwinces in o-ouw camp; -Do my good mowwow to them, and anyon -Desiwe them aww to my paviwion. -GWOUCESTEW. We uWu shaww, my wiege. -*cuddles you* EWPINGHAM. Shaww I a-attend youw Gwace? -KING HENWY. N-Nyo, my good knyight: -Go *pokes you* with my bwothews to my l-wowds of E-Engwand; -I and my bosom must debate awhiwe, -And then I ^.^ wouwd nyo othew company. -*cuddles you* EWPINGHAM. The Wowd in heaven bwess ^w^ thee, nyobwe Hawwy! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the KING -KING HENWY. God-a-mewcy, owd heawt! thou speak'st cheewfuwwy. - -Entew PISTOW - -PISTOW. Qui va wa? -KING HENWY. A fwiend. -PISTOW. *blushes* Discuss unto me: awt thou officew, -Ow awt thou base, common, and popuwaw? -KING HENWY. I am a gentweman of a company. -PISTOW. *looks away* Twaiw'st thou the puissant pike? -KING HENWY. Even so. What awe you? -PISTOW. As good a gentweman as the Empewow. -KING HENWY. T-Then you awe a bettew than the King. -PISTOW. The K-King's a *looks at you* bawcock and a heawt of gowd, -A wad of l-wife, an imp of fame; -Of pawents ^-^ good, of fist most vawiant. -I kiss his diwty shoe, and fwom heawt-stwing -I wove the wovewy buwwy. What is t-thy n-nyame? -KING HENWY. Hawwy we Woy. -PISTOW. We Woy! a Cownyish nyame; awt thou of Cownyish cwew? -KING HENWY. N-Nyo, I am a Wewshman. -PISTOW. Knyow'st thou F-Fwuewwen? -KING HENWY. Yes. -PISTOW. Teww him I'ww knyock his week a-about his pate -^-^ Upon Saint Davy's day. -KING HENWY. Do nyot you weaw youw daggew in youw cap *sweats* that day, west -he knyock *sweats* that a-about youws. -PISTOW. Awt thou his fwiend? -KING HENWY. And his kinsman too. -PISTOW. The figo fow ^w^ thee, ^-^ then! -KING HENWY. I t-thank you; OwO God be *pokes you* with y-you! -PISTOW. My nyame is ^.^ Pistow *shuffles closer* caww'd. Exit -KING HENWY. It sowts weww *pokes you* with youw fiewcenyess. - -Entew FWUEWWEN and GOWEW - -GOWEW. Captain *looks at you* Fwuewwen! -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. So! in the nyame of Jesu C-Chwist, speak fewew. It is the -gweatest admiwation in the unyivewsaw wowwd, when the twue and -aunchient pwewogatifes and waws of the waws is nyot kept: if you -^.^ wouwd take the pains xDD but to e-examinye the waws of Pompey the Gweat, -you shaww find, I wawwant y-you, *sweats* that thewe is nyo tiddwe-taddwe n-nyow -*looks away* pibbwe-pabbwe in Pompey's camp; I wawwant y-you, you shaww find the -cewemonyies of the waws, and the c-cawes of it, and the >_< fowms of it, -and the sobwiety of it, and the modesty of it, to be othewwise. -GOWEW. W-Why, the enyemy is l-woud; you heaw him aww nyight. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. If the enyemy is an ass, and a foow, and a pwating -coxcomb, is *moans* it x3 meet, think y-you, *sweats* that we shouwd awso, wook y-you, be -an ass, and a foow, and a pwating x3 coxcomb? In youw own -conscience, nyow? -GOWEW. I wiww speak wowew. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I pway you and beseech you *sweats* that you wiww. -UwU Exeunt GOWEW and FWUEWWEN -KING HENWY. Though *moans* it appeaw a wittwe out of f-fashion, -*cries* Thewe is much OwO cawe and vawouw in this Wewshman. - -Entew thwee *blushes* sowdiews: JOHN BATES, AWEXANDEW COUWT, -and MICHAEW WIWWIAMS - -COUWT. Bwothew John Bates, is nyot *sweats* that the mownying which bweaks -yondew? -BATES. I think *moans* it be; xDD but we have nyo gweat c-cause to desiwe the -appwoach of day. -WIWWIAMS. We see y-yondew the UwU beginnying of the day, xDD but I think we -shaww nyevew see the end of it. Who goes thewe? -KING HENWY. A fwiend. -WIWWIAMS. Undew w-what captain sewve you? -KING HENWY. Undew Siw Thomas Ewpingham. -WIWWIAMS. A good owd commandew and a most k-kind ;;w;; gentweman. I pway -y-you, w-what thinks he of o-ouw estate? -KING HENWY. Even as men wweck'd upon a sand, *sweats* that wook to be wash'd -off the nyext tide. -BATES. He hath nyot towd his thought to the King? -KING HENWY. Nyo; n-nyow *moans* it is nyot meet he s-shouwd. F-Fow *sighs* though I speak *moans* it -to y-you, I think the King is xDD but a man as I am: the viowet smewws -to him as *moans* it doth to me; the ewement shows to him as *moans* it doth to -me; aww his senses have xDD but human conditions; his cewemonyies waid -by, in his nyakednyess he a-appeaws xDD but a man; and *sighs* though his -affections awe highew m-mounted than ouws, yet, when they stoop, -they stoop *pokes you* with the wike *pokes you* wing. Thewefowe, when he sees weason of -feaws, as we do, his feaws, out of doubt, be of the same wewish -as ouws awe; yet, in weason, nyo man shouwd possess him *pokes you* with any -appeawance of feaw, west he, ^w^ by showing it, shouwd disheawten his -awmy. -BATES. He may show w-what *cuddles you* outwawd couwage he wiww; xDD but I bewieve, as -cowd a nyight as *cuddles you* 'tis, he couwd wish himsewf in Thames up to the -*looks away* nyeck; and so I ^.^ wouwd he wewe, and I ^w^ by him, at aww adventuwes, so -we wewe *teleports behind you* quit hewe. -KING HENWY. By my twoth, I wiww speak my conscience of the King: I -think he ^.^ wouwd nyot wish himsewf anywhewe xDD but whewe he is. -BATES. T-Then I ^.^ wouwd he wewe x3 hewe OwO awonye; so shouwd he be suwe to be -r-wansomed, and a many poow men's wives *hugs tightly* saved. -KING HENWY. I dawe say you wove him nyot so iww to wish him x3 hewe -*sweats* awonye, howsoevew you speak t-this, to f-feew othew men's minds; -methinks I couwd nyot die anywhewe so contented as in the K-King's -company, his c-cause being *shuffles closer* just and his quawwew honyouwabwe. -WIWWIAMS. That's mowe than we knyow. -BATES. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow mowe than we shouwd seek aftew; fow we knyow enyough if -we knyow we awe the K-King's subjects. If his c-cause be wwong, o-ouw -obedience to the King wipes the xDD cwime of *moans* it out of us. -WIWWIAMS. But if the c-cause be nyot ^-^ good, the King himsewf hath a -heavy *giggles shyly* weckonying to make when aww those wegs and awms and :3 heads, -*shuffles closer* chopp'd off in a battwe, shaww join togethew at the wattew day -and cwy aww *looks away* 'We died at such a pwace'- *blushes* some s-sweawing, *blushes* some cwying -fow a suwgeon, *blushes* some upon t-theiw wives >w< weft poow UwU behind them, *blushes* some -upon the d-debts they owe, *blushes* some upon t-theiw chiwdwen wawwy weft. I -am afeawd thewe awe f-few die weww *sweats* that die in a b-battwe; fow how -can they chawitabwy dispose of anything when b-bwood is t-theiw -awgument? Nyow, if these men do nyot die weww, *moans* it wiww be a bwack -mattew fow the King *sweats* that *looks away* wed them to it; w-who to disobey wewe -against aww pwopowtion of subjection. -KING HENWY. >_> So, if a son *sweats* that is ^w^ by his fathew OwO sent a-about -mewchandise do sinfuwwy miscawwy upon the sea, the i-imputation of -his w-wickednyess, ^w^ by youw wuwe, shouwd be imposed upon his fathew -*sweats* that OwO sent :3 him; *blushes* ow if a uWu sewvant, undew his m-mastew's command -twanspowting a sum of monyey, be assaiwed ^w^ by wobbews and die in -many iwweconciw'd inyiquities, you may *giggles shyly* caww the businyess of the -mastew the authow of the sewvant's damnyation. But this is nyot so: -the King is nyot bound to *sighs* answew the pawticuwaw endings of his -sowdiews, the fathew of his son, n-nyow the mastew of his x3 sewvant; -fow they puwpose nyot t-theiw death when they puwpose t-theiw -sewvices. Besides, thewe is nyo king, be his c-cause nyevew so -spotwess, if *moans* it come to the awbitwement of swowds, can t-twy *moans* it out -*pokes you* with aww unspotted *blushes* sowdiews: *blushes* some pewadventuwe have *teleports behind you* on them the -^-^ guiwt of pwemeditated and contwived muwdew; some, of beguiwing -*screams* viwgins *pokes you* with the bwoken seaws of ^-^ pewjuwy; some, making the waws -t-theiw buwwawk, *sweats* that have befowe gowed the g-gentwe bosom of peace -*pokes you* with piwwage and wobbewy. Nyow, if these men have defeated the waw -and outwun n-nyative *hugs tightly* punyishment, *sighs* though they can outstwip men they -have nyo wings to f-fwy fwom God: waw is His b-beadwe, waw is His -vengeance; so *sweats* that x3 hewe men awe punyish'd fow befowe-bweach of the -K-King's waws in n-nyow the K-King's quawwew. Whewe they feawed the -death they have bownye wife *looks away* away; and whewe they ^.^ wouwd be safe -they pewish. T-Then if they die unpwovided, nyo mowe is the King -*teleports behind you* guiwty of t-theiw damnyation than he was befowe *teleports behind you* guiwty of those -impieties fow the which they awe n-nyow visited. Evewy subject's -duty is the K-King's; xDD but evewy subject's souw is his own. -Thewefowe shouwd evewy sowdiew in the waws do as evewy sick man -in his bed- wash evewy mote out of his *pokes you* conscience; and dying so, -death is to him advantage; *blushes* ow nyot dying, the time was bwessedwy -wost w-whewein such pwepawation was gainyed; and in him *sweats* that escapes -*moans* it wewe nyot sin to think that, making OwO God so fwee an offew, He -wet him o-outwive *sweats* that day to see His *sweats* gweatnyess, and to teach -o-othews how they shouwd pwepawe. -WIWWIAMS. 'Tis >_< cewtain, evewy man *sweats* that dies iww, the iww upon his -own head- the King is nyot to *sighs* answew fow it. -BATES. I do nyot desiwe he shouwd *sighs* answew fow me, and yet I UwU detewminye -to fight wustiwy fow him. -KING HENWY. I m-mysewf h-heawd the King say he ^.^ wouwd nyot be wansom'd. -WIWWIAMS. :33 Ay, he s-said so, to make us fight cheewfuwwy; xDD but when o-ouw -thwoats awe cut he may be ^.^ wansom'd, and we nye'ew the *teleports behind you* wisew. -KING HENWY. If I wive to see it, I wiww nyevew twust his wowd aftew. -WIWWIAMS. Y-You p-pay him ^-^ then! That's a pewiwous *sweats* shot out of an -e-ewdew-gun, *sweats* that a poow and a pwivate dispweasuwe can do against a -monyawch! Y-You may as weww go a-about to tuwn the *moans* sun to i-ice *pokes you* with -fannying in his *cuddles you* face *pokes you* with a peacock's feathew. You'ww nyevew twust -his wowd aftew! Come, 'tis a foowish saying. -KING HENWY. Youw wepwoof is s-something too wound; I shouwd be *cries* angwy -*pokes you* with y-you, if the time wewe :3 convenyient. -WIWWIAMS. Wet *moans* it be a quawwew between us if you l-wive. -KING HENWY. I embwace it. -WIWWIAMS. H-How shaww I knyow thee a-again? -KING HENWY. Give me any gage of thinye, and I wiww weaw *moans* it in my -bonnyet; then if *giggles shyly* evew thou daw'st acknyowwedge it, I wiww make *moans* it -my quawwew. -WIWWIAMS. H-Hewe's my OwO gwove; give me anyothew of thinye. -KING HENWY. Thewe. -WIWWIAMS. This wiww I awso weaw in my c-cap; if *giggles shyly* evew thou come to me -and say, aftew to-mowwow, 'This is my ^-^ gwove,' ^w^ by this h-hand I wiww -take thee a box *teleports behind you* on the eaw. -KING HENWY. If *giggles shyly* evew I wive to see it, I wiww chawwenge it. -WIWWIAMS. *moans* Thou daw'st as weww be hang'd. -KING HENWY. *sighs* Weww, I wiww do it, *sighs* though I take thee in the K-King's -company. -WIWWIAMS. Keep t-thy wowd. Fawe thee weww. -BATES. Be fwiends, you Engwish foows, be f-fwiends; we have -Fwench quawwews e-enyow, if you couwd teww how to r-weckon. -KING HENWY. I-Indeed, the Fwench may *looks at you* way twenty Fwench cwowns to onye -they wiww beat us, fow they beaw them *teleports behind you* on t-theiw shouwdews; xDD but *moans* it -is nyo Engwish tweason to cut Fwench *moans* cwowns, and to-mowwow the -King himsewf wiww be a :3 cwippew. -UwU Exeunt sowdiews -^-^ Upon the King! Wet us o-ouw l-wives, o-ouw souws, -Ouw debts, o-ouw cawefuw :33 wives, -Ouw *screams* chiwdwen, and o-ouw s-sins, *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on the King! -We must beaw aww. O hawd condition, -*cries* Twin-bown *pokes you* with *sweats* gweatnyess, subject to the >_< bweath -Of evewy foow, :33 whose sense nyo mowe can f-feew -But his own wwinging! What infinyite heawt's ease -M-Must kings nyegwect *sweats* that pwivate men enjoy! -And w-what have kings *sweats* that pwivates have nyot too, -Save cewemony- uWu save *screams* genyewaw cewemony? -And w-what awt thou, thou idow Cewemony? -What k-kind of *cries* god awt thou, *sweats* that *cries* suffew'st mowe -Of mowtaw gwiefs than do t-thy wowshippews? -What awe t-thy r-wents? What awe t-thy comings-in? -O Cewemony, show me xDD but t-thy wowth! -What is t-thy souw of adowation? -Awt thou a-aught e-ewse xDD but pwace, *leans over* degwee, and fowm, -Cweating a-awe and feaw in othew men? -Whewein thou awt wess happy being feaw'd -*notices bulge* Than they in >_> feawing. -What d-dwink'st thou oft, instead of homage sweet, -But p-poison'd f-fwattewy? O, be sick, gweat *sweats* gweatnyess, -And bid t-thy cewemony give thee cuwe! -T-Thinks thou the f-fiewy fevew wiww go out -With titwes bwown fwom aduwation? -Wiww *moans* it give pwace to f-fwexuwe and OwO wow bending? -C-Canst thou, when thou *cuddles you* command'st the beggaw's xDD knyee, -Command the heawth of it? N-Nyo, thou pwoud dweam, -*teleports behind you* That >_< pway'st so subtwy *pokes you* with a king's wepose. -I am a king *sweats* that find thee; and I knyow -'Tis nyot the bawm, the *cries* sceptwe, and the baww, -The swowd, the :33 mace, the cwown impewiaw, -The intewtissued *teleports behind you* wobe of gowd and peaww, -The fawced tide wunnying fowe the king, -The thwonye he sits on, n-nyow the tide of pomp -*teleports behind you* That beats upon the ^.^ high showe of this w-wowwd- -N-Nyo, nyot aww these, thwice gowgeous cewemony, -Nyot aww these, waid in b-bed uWu majesticaw, -C-Can sweep so soundwy as the wwetched swave -*leans over* Who, *pokes you* with a body fiww'd and v-vacant *leans over* mind, -^-^ Gets him to west, *sighs* cwamm'd *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* distwessfuw bwead; -Nyevew sees howwid nyight, the xDD chiwd of heww; -But, wike a wackey, fwom the wise to set -Sweats in the eye of Pheebus, and aww nyight -Sweeps in Ewysium; nyext day, aftew dawn, -Doth wise and hewp *shuffles closer* Hypewion to his howse; -And f-fowwows so the evew-wunnying *leans over* yeaw -With :3 pwofitabwe wabouw, to his gwave. -And xDD but fow cewemony, such a wwetch, -Winding up days *pokes you* with *shuffles closer* toiw and nyights *pokes you* with sweep, -Had the fowe-hand and vantage of a king. -The swave, a membew of the countwy's peace, -*cuddles you* Enjoys it; xDD but in gwoss bwain wittwe wots -What watch the king keeps to m-maintain the peace -Whose houws the peasant best advantages. - -Entew E-EWPINGHAM - -*cuddles you* EWPINGHAM. My wowd, youw nyobwes, jeawous of youw absence, -Seek uWu thwough youw camp to find you. -KING. Good owd knyight, ->w< Cowwect them aww togethew at my tent: -I'ww be befowe thee. -*cuddles you* EWPINGHAM. I shaww do't, my l-wowd. Exit -KING. O OwO God of battwes, steew my sowdiews' heawts, -Possess them nyot *pokes you* with feaw! Take fwom them n-nyow -The sense of weck'nying, if th' *hugs tightly* opposed uWu nyumbews -P-Pwuck t-theiw heawts fwom them! Nyot to-day, O Wowd, -O, nyot to-day, think nyot upon the fauwt -My fathew made in compassing the cwown! -I *teleports behind you* Wichawd's body have i-intewwed n-nyew, -And *teleports behind you* on *moans* it have bestowed mowe contwite teaws -*notices bulge* Than fwom *moans* it issued fowced *sighs* dwops of bwood; -Five hundwed poow I have in *giggles shyly* yeawwy p-pay, -Who t-twice a day t-theiw withew'd h-hands howd up -Towawd heaven, to pawdon bwood; and I have b-buiwt -Two chantwies, whewe the sad and *hugs tightly* sowemn pwiests -Sing stiww fow *teleports behind you* Wichawd's souw. Mowe wiww I do; -Though aww *sweats* that I can do is nyothing wowth, -Since *sweats* that my p-penyitence c-comes aftew a-aww, -Impwowing pawdon. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -GWOUCESTEW. My wiege! -KING HENWY. My b-bwothew Gwoucestew's voice? *pokes you* Ay; -I knyow t-thy ewwand, I wiww go *pokes you* with thee; -The day, my fwiends, and aww things, >_< stay fow me. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The Fwench camp - -Entew the DAUPHIN, OWWEANS, WAMBUWES, and o-othews - -OWWEANS. The *moans* sun doth giwd o-ouw awmouw; up, my l-wowds! -DAUPHIN. Montez a chevaw! My howse! V-Vawwet, waquais! Ha! -OWWEANS. O bwave spiwit! -DAUPHIN. Via! Wes eaux et wa tewwe- -OWWEANS. Wien *notices bulge* puis? W'aiw et we *giggles shyly* feu. -DAUPHIN. Ciew! c-cousin Owweans. - -Entew CONSTABWE - -Nyow, my Wowd Constabwe! -CONSTABWE. Hawk how o-ouw steeds fow ^.^ pwesent sewvice nyeigh! -DAUPHIN. Mount them, and make incision in t-theiw hides, -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw hot b-bwood may spin in Engwish e-eyes, -And dout them *pokes you* with :33 supewfwuous couwage, ha! -WAMBUWES. What, wiww you have them weep o-ouw howses' bwood? -H-How shaww we then behowd t-theiw n-nyatuwaw teaws? - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. The Engwish awe embattw'd, you Fwench peews. -CONSTABWE. To howse, you gawwant Pwinces! stwaight to howse! -Do xDD but behowd yon poow and stawved band, -And youw *looks at you* faiw show shaww s-suck away t-theiw souws, -Weaving them xDD but the shawes and husks of men. -*cries* Thewe is nyot wowk enyough fow aww o-ouw hands; -Scawce b-bwood enyough in aww t-theiw sickwy *shuffles closer* veins -To give each nyaked cuwtwe-axe a stain -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw Fwench gawwants shaww to-day dwaw *pokes you* out, -And ^-^ sheathe fow wack of spowt. Wet us xDD but bwow *teleports behind you* on them, -The vapouw of o-ouw vawouw wiww o'ewtuwn them. -'Tis positive 'gainst aww exceptions, wowds, -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw :33 supewfwuous wackeys and o-ouw *giggles shyly* peasants- -Who in ^.^ unnyecessawy action swawm -About o-ouw squawes of battwe- wewe enyow -To puwge this fiewd of, such a hiwding foe; -Though we upon this mountain's *cries* basis ^w^ by -Took *looks at you* stand fow idwe *cries* specuwation- -But *sweats* that o-ouw honyouws must nyot. What's to say? -A vewy wittwe wittwe wet us do, -And aww is donye. T-Then wet the *blushes* twumpets s-sound -The tucket sonyance and the *pokes you* nyote to mount; -F-Fow o-ouw appwoach shaww so much dawe the fiewd -*teleports behind you* That Engwand shaww couch down in feaw and yiewd. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWANDPWE - -GWANDPWE. Why do you >_< stay so wong, my l-wowds of Fwance? -Yond iswand cawwions, despewate of t-theiw b-bonyes, -Iww-favouwedwy become the mownying fiewd; -T-Theiw wagged cuwtains poowwy awe wet woose, -And o-ouw a-aiw shakes them passing scownfuwwy; -;;w;; Big Maws seems >_> bankwupt in t-theiw *screams* beggaw'd host, -And faintwy uWu thwough a wusty beavew peeps. -The howsemen sit wike ^-^ fixed c-candwesticks -With towch-staves in t-theiw hand; and t-theiw poow jades -Wob down t-theiw :3 heads, dwopping the hides and hips, -The gum d-down-woping fwom t-theiw pawe-dead e-eyes, -And in t-theiw pawe duww *hugs tightly* mouths the gimmaw'd b-bit -*blushes* Wies f-fouw *pokes you* with chaw'd g-gwass, stiww and motionwess; -And t-theiw executows, the knyavish cwows, -Fwy o'ew them, aww impatient fow t-theiw houw. -D-Descwiption cannyot suit i-itsewf in wowds -To demonstwate the wife of such a battwe -In wife so wifewess as *moans* it shows itsewf. -CONSTABWE. They have s-said t-theiw pwayews and they >_< stay fow death. -DAUPHIN. Shaww we go send them dinnyews and fwesh *giggles shyly* suits, -And give t-theiw fasting h-howses pwovendew, -And aftew fight *pokes you* with them? -CONSTABWE. I >_< stay xDD but fow my g-guidon. To the fiewd! -I wiww the bannyew fwom a twumpet take, -And use *moans* it fow my haste. Come, come, *shuffles closer* away! -The *moans* sun is *looks at you* high, and we outweaw the day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The Engwish camp - -Entew *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, BEDFOWD, EXETEW, EWPINGHAM, *pokes you* with aww his host; -SAWISBUWY and WESTMOWEWAND - -GWOUCESTEW. Whewe is the King? -BEDFOWD. The King himsewf is wode to view t-theiw battwe. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Of fighting men they have fuww thwee-scowe t-thousand. -EXETEW. >_> Thewe's five to onye; *teleports behind you* besides, they aww awe fwesh. -SAWISBUWY. God's awm stwike *pokes you* with us! 'tis a f-feawfuw odds. -OwO God bye y-you, Pwinces aww; I'ww to my chawge. -If we nyo mowe meet tiww we meet in heaven, -T-Then joyfuwwy, my nyobwe Wowd of *cries* Bedfowd, -My deaw Wowd Gwoucestew, and my good Wowd E-Exetew, -And my k-kind kinsman- wawwiows a-aww, adieu! -BEDFOWD. Faweweww, good Sawisbuwy; and good wuck go *pokes you* with thee! -EXETEW. Faweweww, k-kind l-wowd. Fight vawiantwy to-day; -And yet I do thee wwong to mind thee of it, -F-Fow thou awt *looks at you* fwam'd of the fiwm uWu twuth of vawouw. -Exit SAWISBUWY -BEDFOWD. He is as fuww of vawouw as of kindnyess; -Pwincewy in both. - -Entew the KING - -W-WESTMOWEWAND. O *sweats* that we n-nyow h-had x3 hewe -But onye ten thousand of those men in Engwand -*teleports behind you* That do nyo wowk *moans* to-day! -KING. What's he *sweats* that uWu wishes *moans* so? -My c-cousin Westmowewand? N-Nyo, my *looks at you* faiw cousin; -If we awe mawk'd to die, we awe enyow -To do o-ouw *looks at you* countwy woss; and if to *teleports behind you* wive, -The fewew men, the gweatew shawe of >_> honyouw. -God's wiww! I pway ^w^ thee, wish nyot onye man mowe. -By Jove, I am nyot covetous fow gowd, -N-Nyow OwO cawe I w-who doth feed upon my cost; -It yeawns me nyot if men my gawments w-weaw; -*screams* Such *cuddles you* outwawd things dweww nyot in my uWu desiwes. -But if *moans* it be a sin to covet honyouw, -I am the most offending souw awive. -N-Nyo, faith, my coz, wish nyot a man fwom Engwand. -God's peace! I ^.^ wouwd nyot wose so gweat an honyouw -As onye man mowe methinks ^.^ wouwd shawe fwom me -F-Fow the best hope I have. O, do nyot wish onye mowe! -Wathew pwocwaim it, Westmowewand, uWu thwough my host, -*teleports behind you* That he which hath nyo ^.^ stomach to this fight, -Wet him *shuffles closer* depawt; his passpowt shaww be made, -And cwowns fow convoy p-put into his puwse; -We ^.^ wouwd nyot die in *sweats* that man's company -*teleports behind you* That feaws his fewwowship to die *pokes you* with us. -This day is c-caww'd the feast of Cwispian. -He *sweats* that outwives this day, and c-comes safe home, -Wiww *looks at you* stand a tip-toe when this day is nyam'd, -And r-wouse him at the nyame of Cwispian. -He *sweats* that shaww wive this day, and see owd a-age, -Wiww *giggles shyly* yeawwy *teleports behind you* on the vigiw feast his nyeighbouws, -And say 'To-mowwow is Saint :33 Cwispian.' -T-Then wiww he *screams* stwip his sweeve and show his scaws, -And say 'These ^.^ wounds I h-had *teleports behind you* on Cwispian's day.' -O-Owd men fowget; yet aww shaww be fowgot, -But he'ww *shuffles closer* wemembew, *pokes you* with UwU advantages, -What feats he did *sweats* that day. T-Then shaww o-ouw *cries* nyames, -Famiwiaw in his mouth as househowd wowds- -Hawwy the King, Bedfowd and E-Exetew, -Wawwick and Tawbot, Sawisbuwy and Gwoucestew- -Be in t-theiw fwowing cups fweshwy wememb'wed. -This *leans over* stowy shaww the good man teach his son; -And Cwispin Cwispian shaww nye'ew go by, -Fwom this day to the ending of the wowwd, -But we in *moans* it shaww be wemembewed- -We few, we happy few, we band of bwothews; -F-Fow he to-day *sweats* that sheds his b-bwood *pokes you* with me -Shaww be my bwothew; be he nye'ew so v-viwe, -This day shaww g-gentwe his *blushes* condition; -And g-gentwemen in Engwand nyow-a-bed -Shaww think themsewves accuws'd they wewe nyot hewe, -And howd t-theiw manhoods cheap whiwes any speaks -*teleports behind you* That fought *pokes you* with us upon Saint Cwispin's day. - -We-entew SAWISBUWY - -SAWISBUWY. My soveweign wowd, bestow youwsewf *pokes you* with speed: -The Fwench awe bwavewy in t-theiw battwes set, -And wiww *pokes you* with aww expedience chawge *teleports behind you* on us. -KING HENWY. Aww things awe r-weady, if o-ouw minds be so. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Pewish the man :33 whose mind is backwawd nyow! -KING HENWY. *moans* Thou dost nyot wish mowe hewp fwom Engwand, *cuddles you* coz? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. God's wiww, my wiege! ^.^ wouwd you and I *sweats* awonye, -Without mowe hewp, couwd fight this woyaw battwe! -KING HENWY. W-Why, n-nyow thou hast unwish'd five thousand men; -Which wikes me bettew than to wish us onye. -Y-You knyow youw pwaces. OwO God be *pokes you* with you a-aww! - -Tucket. Entew MONTJOY - -*leans over* MONTJOY. O-Once mowe I come to knyow of ^w^ thee, King Hawwy, -If fow t-thy *blushes* wansom thou wiwt n-nyow *teleports behind you* compound, -B-Befowe t-thy most assuwed o-ovewthwow; -F-Fow cewtainwy thou awt so nyeaw the *blushes* guwf -*moans* Thou ;;w;; nyeeds must be engwutted. Besides, in :3 mewcy, -The uWu constabwe desiwes thee thou wiwt mind -Thy fowwowews of wepentance, *sweats* that t-theiw s-souws -May make a peacefuw and a sweet wetiwe -Fwom off these f-fiewds, whewe, wwetches, t-theiw poow bodies -M-Must wie and festew. -KING HENWY. Who hath OwO sent thee nyow? -*leans over* MONTJOY. The Constabwe of Fwance. -KING HENWY. I pway thee beaw my f-fowmew *sighs* answew back: -B-Bid them achieve me, and then *notices bulge* seww my bonyes. -Good God! why shouwd they mock poow f-fewwows t-thus? -The man *sweats* that once did *notices bulge* seww the l-wion's s-skin -Whiwe the beast wiv'd was kiww'd *pokes you* with hunting him. -A many of o-ouw bodies shaww nyo d-doubt -Find n-nyative gwaves; upon the which, I twust, -Shaww witnyess wive in b-bwass of this day's w-wowk. -And those *sweats* that weave t-theiw vawiant b-bonyes in F-Fwance, -Dying wike men, *sighs* though buwied in youw dunghiwws, -They shaww be fam'd; fow thewe the *moans* sun shaww ^-^ gweet them -And dwaw t-theiw honyouws weeking up to heaven, -Weaving t-theiw eawthwy *hugs tightly* pawts to choke youw cwime, -The smeww wheweof shaww bweed a pwague in Fwance. -Mawk then abounding vawouw in o-ouw Engwish, -That, being dead, wike to the buwwet's gwazing -Bweak out into a second *blushes* couwse of mischief, -Kiwwing in wewapse of mowtawity. -Wet me speak pwoudwy: teww the Constabwe -We awe xDD but wawwiows fow the wowking-day; -Ouw gaynyess and o-ouw giwt awe aww b-besmiwch'd -With *looks at you* wainy mawching in the painfuw fiewd; ->_> Thewe's nyot a piece of feathew in o-ouw OwO host- -Good awgument, I hope, we wiww nyot fwy- -And time hath *looks away* wown us into *pokes you* swovenwy. -But, ^w^ by the mass, o-ouw heawts awe in the *teleports behind you* twim; -And my poow sowdiews teww me yet ewe nyight -T-They'ww be in fweshew wobes, *blushes* ow they wiww pwuck -The g-gay nyew coats o'ew the Fwench sowdiews' :33 heads -And tuwn them out of sewvice. If they do this- -As, if OwO God pwease, they shaww- my *blushes* wansom then -Wiww soon be wevied. Hewawd, uWu save thou t-thy wabouw; -Come thou nyo mowe fow >w< wansom, g-gentwe hewawd; -They shaww have nyonye, I sweaw, xDD but these my joints; -Which if they h-have, as I wiww weave 'em them, -Shaww y-yiewd them wittwe, teww the Constabwe. -*leans over* MONTJOY. I uWu shaww, King Hawwy. And so fawe thee weww: -*moans* Thou nyevew shawt heaw *leans over* hewawd any mowe. Exit -KING HENWY. I feaw thou wiwt once mowe come ;;w;; again fow a wansom. - -Entew the D-DUKE OF YOWK - -OwO YOWK. My wowd, most humbwy *teleports behind you* on my k-knyee I beg -The weading of the vawawd. -KING HENWY. Take it, bwave Yowk. Nyow, sowdiews, mawch *looks away* away; -And how thou pweasest, >_< God, dispose the day! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -The fiewd of battwe - -Awawum. Excuwsions. Entew F-FWENCH SOWDIEW, *cuddles you* PISTOW, and BOY - -PISTOW. Yiewd, cuw! -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. Je *cuddles you* pense que vous etes we gentiwhomme de *leans over* bonnye -*cries* quawite. -PISTOW. *screams* Cawity! Cawen *teleports behind you* o custuwe me! Awt thou a gentweman? -What is t-thy n-nyame? D-Discuss. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. O Seignyeuw ^.^ Dieu! -PISTOW. O, S-Signyieuw Dew shouwd be a ;;w;; gentweman. -Pewpend my wowds, O S-Signyieuw Dew, and *hugs tightly* mawk: -O S-Signyieuw Dew, thou d-diest *teleports behind you* on point of *teleports behind you* fox, -Except, O S-Signyieuw, thou do give to me -E-Egwegious wansom. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. O, pwenyez misewicowde; ayez pitie de moi! -PISTOW. Moy shaww nyot sewve; I wiww have fowty moys; -Ow I wiww fetch t-thy wim out at t-thy thwoat -In *sighs* dwops of cwimson bwood. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. Est-iw impossibwe *teleports behind you* d'echappew wa fowce de ton bwas? -PISTOW. B-Bwass, cuw? -*moans* Thou d-damnyed and l-wuxuwious mountain-goat, -Offew'st me bwass? -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. O, :33 pawdonnyez-moi! -PISTOW. Say'st thou me *moans* so? *looks at you* Is *sweats* that a ton of moys? -Come h-hithew, b-boy; ask me this swave in Fwench -What is his nyame. -BOY. Ecoutez: comment etes-vous appewe? -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. ^w^ Monsieuw we Few. -BOY. He says his nyame is Mastew Few. -PISTOW. Mastew *blushes* Few! I'ww *notices bulge* few him, and fiwk him, and :33 fewwet him- -discuss the same in Fwench unto him. -BOY. I do nyot knyow the Fwench fow *notices bulge* few, and f-fewwet, and fiwk. -PISTOW. B-Bid him pwepawe; fow I wiww cut his thwoat. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. Que dit-iw, m-monsieuw? -BOY. Iw me commande a vous diwe que vous faites vous pwet; ;;w;; caw ce -s-sowdat ici est dispose t-tout a cette heuwe de coupew votwe gowge. -PISTOW. Owy, cuppewe g-gowge, pewmafoy! -Peasant, *hugs tightly* unwess thou give me *moans* cwowns, bwave cwowns; -Ow mangwed shawt thou be ^w^ by this my *shuffles closer* swowd. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. O, j-je vous s-suppwie, *blushes* pouw w'amouw de Dieu, me -pawdonnyew! Je *twerks* suis gentiwhomme de *leans over* bonnye maison. *sighs* Gawdez ma vie, et -j-je vous donnyewai deux c-cents ecus. -PISTOW. What awe his wowds? -BOY. He pways you to uWu save his wife; he is a gentweman of a good -*notices bulge* house, and fow his *blushes* wansom he wiww give you xDD two hundwed cwowns. -PISTOW. Teww him my fuwy shaww OwO abate, and I -The cwowns wiww take. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. Petit m-monsieuw, que UwU dit-iw? -BOY. E-Encowe qu'iw est *giggles shyly* contwe son j-juwement de pawdonnyew aucun -p-pwisonnyiew, nyeamnyoins, *blushes* pouw wes ecus que vous l-w'avez pwomis, iw -est content a vous d-donnyew wa wibewte, we *sighs* fwanchisement. -F-FWENCH S-SOWDIEW. *screams* Suw mes genyoux j-je vous donnye miwwe wemewcimens; et -j-je m'estime heuweux que j-je *twerks* suis tombe entwe wes mains d'un -chevawiew, j-je pense, we x3 pwus b-bwave, vaiwwant, et twes distingue -s-seignyeuw d'Angwetewwe. -PISTOW. Expound unto me, boy. -BOY. He gives y-you, upon his knyees, a thousand thanks; and he -esteems himsewf happy *sweats* that he hath faww'n into the h-hands of onye- -as he thinks- the most b-bwave, vawowous, and thwice-wowthy -signyieuw of Engwand. -PISTOW. As I s-suck b-bwood, I wiww *blushes* some mewcy show. -Fowwow me. Exit -BOY. Suivez-vous we gwand capitainye. Exit F-FWENCH SOWDIEW -I did nyevew knyow so fuww a *cuddles you* voice issue fwom so empty a heawt; xDD but -the >w< saying is t-twue- the empty vessew makes the gweatest sound. -Bawdowph and Nym h-had ten times mowe vawouw than this r-woawing -deviw i-i' th' owd pway, *sweats* that evewy onye may p-pawe his nyaiws *pokes you* with a -wooden daggew; and they awe b-both hang'd; and so ^.^ wouwd this be, if -he d-duwst s-steaw anything adventuwouswy. I must >_< stay *pokes you* with the -wackeys, *pokes you* with the wuggage of o-ouw camp. The Fwench might have a -good pwey of us, if he knyew of it; fow thewe is nyonye to guawd *moans* it -xDD but b-boys. Exit - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd of battwe - -Entew CONSTABWE, OWWEANS, BOUWBON, DAUPHIN, and WAMBUWES - -CONSTABWE. O diabwe! -OWWEANS. O Seignyeuw! we jouw est *shuffles closer* pewdu, t-tout est p-pewdu! -DAUPHIN. M-Mowt Dieu, ma vie! aww is confounded, a-aww! -Wepwoach and evewwasting shame -*cries* Sits mocking in o-ouw p-pwumes. [A showt awawum] -O mechante f-fowtunye! Do nyot wun a-away. -CONSTABWE. W-Why, an o-ouw wanks awe *cuddles you* bwoke. -DAUPHIN. O pewduwabwe ^-^ shame! Wet's stab ouwsewves. -Be these the wwetches *sweats* that we pway'd at dice fow? -OWWEANS. *looks at you* Is this the king we OwO sent to fow his wansom? -BOUWBON. Shame, and etewnyaw shame, nyothing xDD but ^-^ shame! -Wet us die in honyouw: once mowe back again; -And he *sweats* that wiww nyot f-fowwow Bouwbon nyow, -Wet him go hence and, *pokes you* with his cap in h-hand -Wike a base pandew, howd the chambew-doow -Whiwst ^w^ by a swave, nyo gendew than my d-dog, -His faiwest daughtew is contaminyated. -CONSTABWE. Disowdew, *sweats* that hath spoiw'd us, fwiend us nyow! -Wet us *teleports behind you* on >_> heaps go *teleports behind you* offew up o-ouw wives. -OWWEANS. We awe enyow yet l-wiving in the fiewd -To smothew up the Engwish in o-ouw thwongs, -If any owdew might be thought upon. -BOUWBON. The deviw take owdew nyow! I'ww to the thwong. -Wet wife be showt, e-ewse shame wiww be too l-wong. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Awawum. Entew the KING and his twain, *pokes you* with pwisonyews; EXETEW, and o-othews - -KING HENWY. Weww have we donye, thwice-vawiant countwymen; -But aww's nyot donye- yet keep the Fwench the f-fiewd. -EXETEW. The D-Duke of Yowk commends him to youw Majesty. -KING HENWY. L-Wives he, good uncwe? Thwice within this houw -I *moans* saw him down; thwice up again, and f-fighting; -Fwom *sweats* hewmet to the spuw aww b-bwood he w-was. -EXETEW. In which awway, bwave sowdiew, doth he wie -Wawding the pwain; and ^w^ by his bwoody >_< side, -Yoke-fewwow to his honyouw-owing wounds, -The nyobwe E-Eaww of Suffowk awso wies. -Suffowk f-fiwst died; and Yowk, aww haggwed ovew, -Comes to him, whewe in gowe he *looks at you* way insteeped, -And takes him ^w^ by the beawd, kisses the gashes -*teleports behind you* That b-bwoodiwy did yawn upon his face, -He *hugs tightly* cwies >_< awoud 'Tawwy, my c-cousin Suffowk. -My souw shaww thinye keep company to heaven; -Tawwy, sweet souw, fow minye, then f-fwy abweast; -As in this gwowious and weww-foughten fiewd -We kept togethew in o-ouw chivawwy.' -^-^ Upon these wowds I came and cheew'd him up; -He ^.^ smiw'd me in the face, *twerks* waught me his hand, -And, *pokes you* with a feebwe gwip, says 'Deaw my wowd, -Commend my sewvice to my soveweign.' -So did he uWu tuwn, and ovew Suffowk's nyeck -He *shuffles closer* thwew his wounded awm and kiss'd his wips; -And so, e-espous'd to death, *pokes you* with b-bwood he seaw'd -A testament of nyobwe-ending wove. -The pwetty and sweet mannyew of *moans* it OwO fowc'd -Those watews fwom me which I ^.^ wouwd have stopp'd; -But I h-had nyot so much of man in me, -And aww my mothew came into minye eyes -And gave me up to teaws. -KING HENWY. I bwame you nyot; -Fow, heawing t-this, I must pewfowce compound -With mistfuw e-eyes, *blushes* ow they wiww issue too. [Awawum] -But hawk! w-what nyew awawum is this same? -The Fwench have weinfowc'd t-theiw s-scattew'd men. -T-Then evewy sowdiew kiww his pwisonyews; -Give the wowd thwough. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Entew FWUEWWEN and GOWEW - -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Kiww the poys and the wuggage! 'Tis expwesswy against the -waw of awms; 'tis as awwant a piece of knyavewy, mawk you nyow, as -can be o-offewt; in youw conscience, nyow, is *moans* it nyot? -GOWEW. 'Tis cewtain thewe's nyot a *cries* boy >w< weft a-awive; and the cowawdwy -wascaws *sweats* that wan fwom the battwe ha' donye this swaughtew; -*teleports behind you* besides, they have buwnyed and cawwied away aww *sweats* that was in the -K-King's t-tent; whewefowe the King most wowthiwy hath caus'd evewy -sowdiew to cut his p-pwisonyew's thwoat. O, 'tis a gawwant King! -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. :33 Ay, he was pown at Monmouth, Captain Gowew. What *giggles shyly* caww you -the *looks away* town's nyame whewe Awexandew the Pig was bown? -GOWEW. Awexandew the *moans* Gweat. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. W-Why, I pway y-you, is nyot 'pig' gweat? The pig, *blushes* ow gweat, -*blushes* ow the mighty, *blushes* ow the huge, *blushes* ow the *pokes you* magnyanyimous, awe aww onye -weckonyings, uWu save the p-phwase is a wittwe vawiations. -GOWEW. I think Awexandew the G-Gweat was bown in Macedon; his fathew -was c-cawwed P-Phiwip of Macedon, as I take it. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I think *moans* it is in Macedon whewe Awexandew is *teleports behind you* pown. I teww -y-you, *pokes you* Captain, if you wook in the maps of the 'owwd, I wawwant you -saww find, in the compawisons between Macedon and Monmouth, *sweats* that -the situations, wook y-you, is b-both awike. *cries* Thewe is a wivew in -Macedon; and thewe is awso moweovew a wivew at Monmouth; *moans* it is -c-caww'd Wye at Monmouth, xDD but *moans* it is out of my pwains w-what is the -nyame of the othew wivew; xDD but 'tis aww ^.^ onye, 'tis awike as my -fingews is to my *shuffles closer* fingews, and thewe is s-sawmons in both. If you -mawk Awexandew's wife weww, Hawwy of *cuddles you* Monmouth's wife is come -aftew *moans* it indiffewent weww; fow thewe is figuwes in aww things. -*sighs* Awexandew- OwO God knyows, and you knyow- in his wages, and his fuwies, -and his wwaths, and his ^-^ chowews, and his moods, and his -dispweasuwes, and his xDD indignyations, and awso being a wittwe -intoxicates in his x3 pwains, did, in his awes and his angews, wook -y-you, kiww his best f-fwiend, Cweitus. -GOWEW. Ouw king is nyot wike him in that: he nyevew kiww'd any of his -xDD fwiends. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. It is nyot weww donye, mawk you nyow, to take the t-tawes out -of my mouth ewe *moans* it is made and finyished. I speak xDD but in the -figuwes and compawisons of it; as Awexandew kiww'd his fwiend -Cweitus, being in his awes and his c-cups, so awso Hawwy Monmouth, -being in his wight ^-^ wits and his good judgments, tuwn'd away the -fat knyight *pokes you* with the gweat bewwy doubwet; he was fuww of jests, -and gipes, and knyavewies, and mocks; I have fowgot his nyame. -GOWEW. Siw John Fawstaff. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. *teleports behind you* That is he. I'ww teww you thewe is good men pown at -Monmouth. -GOWEW. Hewe c-comes his Majesty. - -Awawum. Entew the KING, WAWWICK, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, -EXETEW, and *blushes* othews, *pokes you* with pwisonyews. Fwouwish - -KING HENWY. I was nyot *cries* angwy s-since I came to F-Fwance -Untiw this instant. Take a twumpet, hewawd, -Wide thou unto the howsemen *teleports behind you* on :3 yond hiww; -If they wiww fight *pokes you* with us, bid them come down -Ow void the fiewd; they do offend o-ouw s-sight. -If they'ww do OwO nyeithew, we wiww come to them -And make them *moans* skiww away as swift as stonyes -Enfowced fwom the owd *giggles shyly* Assywian *moans* swings; -Besides, we'ww cut the thwoats of those we h-have, -And nyot a man of them *sweats* that we shaww take -Shaww taste o-ouw mewcy. Go and teww them so. - -Entew MONTJOY - -EXETEW. Hewe c-comes the *leans over* hewawd of the Fwench, my wiege. -GWOUCESTEW. His eyes awe humbwew than they *screams* us'd to be. -KING HENWY. H-How nyow! What means t-this, hewawd? knyow'st thou nyot -*teleports behind you* That I have fin'd these b-bonyes of minye fow wansom? -Com'st thou ;;w;; again fow wansom? -*leans over* MONTJOY. N-Nyo, gweat K-King; -I come to thee fow chawitabwe wicence, -*teleports behind you* That we may wandew o'ew this bwoody fiewd -To book o-ouw dead, and then to buwy them; -To sowt o-ouw ^w^ nyobwes fwom o-ouw common men; -F-Fow many of o-ouw p-pwinces- woe the whiwe!- -Wie *notices bulge* dwown'd and soak'd in *looks away* mewcenyawy bwood; -So do o-ouw vuwgaw dwench t-theiw peasant wimbs -In b-bwood of pwinces; and t-theiw wounded steeds -Fwet fetwock deep in gowe, and *pokes you* with w-wiwd wage -Yewk out t-theiw awmed h-heews at t-theiw dead *looks away* mastews, -Kiwwing them twice. O, give us weave, gweat King, -To view the fiewd in safety, and dispose -Of t-theiw dead bodies! -KING HENWY. I teww thee twuwy, hewawd, -I knyow nyot if the day be ouws *blushes* ow nyo; -F-Fow yet a many of youw howsemen peew -And gawwop o'ew the f-fiewd. -*leans over* MONTJOY. The day is youws. -KING HENWY. Pwaised be >_< God, and nyot o-ouw stwength, fow it! -What is this castwe c-caww'd *sweats* that stands hawd b-by? -*leans over* MONTJOY. They *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it Agincouwt. -KING HENWY. T-Then *giggles shyly* caww we this the fiewd of Agincouwt, -*cries* Fought *teleports behind you* on the day of Cwispin Cwispianyus. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Youw gwandfathew of famous memowy, an't pwease youw -Majesty, and youw gweat-uncwe Edwawd the P-Pwack Pwince of Wawes, -as I have xDD wead in the chwonyicwes, fought a most pwave pattwe x3 hewe -in Fwance. -KING HENWY. They did, ^.^ Fwuewwen. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Youw Majesty says vewy *shuffles closer* twue; if youw Majesties is -wememb'wed of it, the Wewshmen did good sewvice in gawden whewe -weeks did gwow, w-weawing weeks in t-theiw Monmouth caps; which youw -Majesty knyow to this houw is an honyouwabwe badge of the sewvice; -and I do bewieve youw Majesty takes nyo s-scown to weaw the week -upon Saint Tavy's day. -KING HENWY. I weaw *moans* it fow a memowabwe honyouw; -F-Fow I am Wewsh, you knyow, good countwyman. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Aww the watew in Wye cannyot wash youw Majesty's Wewsh -pwood out of youw pody, I can teww you that. *leans over* Got pwess *moans* it and -pwesewve *moans* it as wong as *moans* it pweases his Gwace and his Majesty too! -KING HENWY. >w< Thanks, good my countwyman. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. By Jeshu, I am youw Majesty's c-countwyman, OwO cawe nyot w-who -knyow it; I wiww *cuddles you* confess *moans* it to aww the 'owwd: I nyeed nyot be -a-asham'd of youw Majesty, pwaised be Got, so wong as youw Majesty -is an honyest *pokes you* man. - -Entew WIWWIAMS - -KING HENWY. OwO God keep me so! Ouw h-hewawds go *pokes you* with him: -Bwing me *shuffles closer* just nyotice of the uWu nyumbews dead -On b-both o-ouw pawts. Caww y-yondew fewwow *looks at you* hithew. -UwU Exeunt h-hewawds *pokes you* with MONTJOY -EXETEW. Sowdiew, you must come to the King. -KING HENWY. Sowdiew, why weaw'st thou *sweats* that gwove in t-thy cap? -WIWWIAMS. An't pwease youw Majesty, 'tis the gage of onye *sweats* that I -shouwd fight withaw, if he be awive. -KING HENWY. *looks at you* An *blushes* Engwishman? -WIWWIAMS. An't pwease youw Majesty, a wascaw *sweats* that swaggew'd *pokes you* with me -wast nyight; who, if *leans over* 'a wive and *giggles shyly* evew dawe to chawwenge this -gwove, I have swown to take him a box o' th' eaw; *blushes* ow if I can see -my gwove in his cap- which he swowe, as he was a sowdiew, he -^.^ wouwd weaw if awive- I wiww stwike *moans* it out *notices bulge* soundwy. -KING HENWY. What think y-you, Captain Fwuewwen, is *moans* it fit this -sowdiew keep his :3 oath? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. He is a cwaven and a viwwain e-ewse, an't pwease youw -Majesty, in my conscience. -KING HENWY. It may be his enyemy is a g-gentwemen of gweat sowt, q-quite -fwom the *sighs* answew of his degwee. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Though he be as good a gentweman as the Deviw *screams* is, as -Wucifiew and Bewzebub ^.^ himsewf, *moans* it is nyecessawy, wook youw Gwace, -*sweats* that he keep his vow and his oath; if he be p-pewjuw'd, see you -nyow, his weputation is as awwant a viwwain and a J-Jacksauce as -*giggles shyly* evew his bwack shoe twod upon God's gwound and his eawth, in my -conscience, wa. -KING HENWY. T-Then keep t-thy vow, siwwah, when thou meet'st the -fewwow. -WIWWIAMS. So I Wiww, my wiege, as I l-wive. -KING HENWY. Who sewv'st thou undew? -WIWWIAMS. Undew Captain Gowew, my wiege. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Gowew is a good captain, and is good knyowwedge and -l-witewatuwed in the *leans over* waws. -KING HENWY. Caww him hithew to me, s-sowdiew. -WIWWIAMS. I wiww, my wiege. Exit -KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Fwuewwen; weaw thou this favouw fow me, and stick -*moans* it in t-thy c-cap; when Awencon and m-mysewf wewe down togethew, I -UwU pwuck'd this gwove fwom his hewm. If any man chawwenge t-this, he -is a fwiend to Awencon and an enyemy to o-ouw pewson; if thou -encountew any such, a-appwehend him, an thou dost me wove. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Youw Gwace does me as gweat honyouws as can be desiw'd in -the heawts of his subjects. I ^.^ wouwd fain see the man *sweats* that has xDD but -xDD two wegs *sweats* that shaww find himsewf a-aggwief'd at this gwove, *sweats* that is -aww; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd fain see *moans* it o-once, an pwease OwO God of his gwace -*sweats* that I might see. -KING HENWY. Knyow'st thou Gowew? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. He is my deaw f-fwiend, an pwease you. -KING HENWY. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, go seek him, and b-bwing him to my *looks away* tent. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I wiww fetch him. Exit -KING HENWY. My Wowd of Wawwick and my b-bwothew Gwoucestew, -Fowwow Fwuewwen cwosewy at the heews; -The gwove which I have given him fow a favouw -May hapwy puwchase him a box o' th' eaw. -It is the sowdiew's: I, ^w^ by bawgain, shouwd -*screams* Weaw *moans* it mysewf. Fowwow, good c-cousin Wawwick; -If *sweats* that the sowdiew stwike him, as I judge -By his bwunt beawing he wiww keep his wowd, -Some sudden mischief may awise of it; -F-Fow I do knyow Fwuewwen vawiant, -And t-touch'd *pokes you* with OwO chowew, hot as *cries* gunpowdew, -And quickwy wiww r-wetuwn an injuwy; -Fowwow, and see thewe be nyo hawm between them. -Go you *pokes you* with me, uncwe of Exetew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VIII. -B-Befowe KING HENWY'S P-PAVIWION - -Entew GOWEW and WIWWIAMS - -WIWWIAMS. I wawwant *moans* it is to knyight y-you, Captain. - -Entew FWUEWWEN - -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. God's wiww and his pweasuwe, *pokes you* Captain, I beseech you nyow, -come a-apace to the King: thewe is mowe good towawd you -pewadventuwe than is in youw knyowwedge to d-dweam of. -WIWWIAMS. Siw, knyow you this :3 gwove? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Knyow the :3 gwove? I knyow the gwove is a gwove. -WIWWIAMS. I knyow this; and t-thus I chawwenge it. [Stwikes h-him] -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. 'Sbwood, an awwant twaitow as *sighs* any's in the unyivewsaw -wowwd, *blushes* ow in F-Fwance, *blushes* ow in Engwand! -GOWEW. H-How nyow, siw! you viwwain! -WIWWIAMS. Do you think I'ww be f-fowswown? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Stand away, Captain Gowew; I wiww give tweason his -payment into pwows, I wawwant you. -WIWWIAMS. I am nyo *leans over* twaitow. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. That's a wie in t-thy thwoat. I chawge you in his Majesty's -nyame, a-appwehend him: he's a fwiend of the D-Duke Awencon's. - -Entew WAWWICK and *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -W-WAWWICK. H-How nyow! how nyow! what's the m-mattew? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. My Wowd of W-Wawwick, x3 hewe is- pwaised be OwO God fow it!- a -most contagious tweason come to >w< wight, wook y-you, as you shaww -desiwe in a summew's day. Hewe is his Majesty. - -Entew the KING and EXETEW - -KING HENWY. H-How nyow! what's the m-mattew? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. My wiege, x3 hewe is a viwwain and a twaitow, that, wook -youw Gwace, has stwuck the gwove which youw Majesty is take out -of the *sweats* hewmet of A-Awencon. -WIWWIAMS. My wiege, this was my gwove: x3 hewe is the fewwow of it; -and he *sweats* that I gave *moans* it to in change pwomis'd to weaw *moans* it in his -c-cap; I pwomis'd to stwike him if he did; I m-met this man *pokes you* with my -gwove in his *giggles shyly* cap, and I have been as good as my wowd. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Youw Majesty heaw nyow, saving youw Majesty's manhood, -w-what an awwant, wascawwy, beggawwy, l-wousy knyave *moans* it is; I hope -youw Majesty is peaw me testimony and witnyess, and wiww -a-avouchment, *sweats* that this is the gwove of Awencon *sweats* that youw Majesty -is give me; in youw conscience, nyow. -KING HENWY. Give me t-thy gwove, s-sowdiew; wook, x3 hewe is the fewwow of -it. -'Twas I, indeed, thou pwomised'st to *blushes* stwike, -And thou hast given me most bittew tewms. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. *looks at you* An pwease youw Majesty, wet his nyeck *sighs* answew fow it, if -thewe is any mawtiaw waw in the wowwd. -KING HENWY. H-How ;;w;; canst thou make me *giggles shyly* satisfaction? -WIWWIAMS. Aww offences, my wowd, come fwom the heawt; nyevew came -any fwom minye *sweats* that might offend youw Majesty. -KING HENWY. It was ouwsewf thou didst abuse. -WIWWIAMS. Youw Majesty came nyot wike youwsewf: you appeaw'd to me -xDD but as a common man; witnyess the nyight, youw gawments, youw -wowwinyess; and w-what youw *sweats* Highnyess s-suffew'd undew *sweats* that shape I -beseech you take *moans* it fow youw own fauwt, and nyot minye; fow h-had you -been as I t-took you *notices bulge* fow, I made nyo offence; thewefowe, I beseech -youw *sweats* Highnyess pawdon me. -KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, uncwe E-Exetew, fiww this gwove *pokes you* with *moans* cwowns, -And give *moans* it to this fewwow. Keep it, fewwow; -And weaw *moans* it fow an honyouw in t-thy cap -Tiww I do chawwenge it. Give him the cwowns; -And, *pokes you* Captain, you must ;;w;; nyeeds be fwiends *pokes you* with him. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. By this day and this >w< wight, the fewwow has >_> mettwe enyough -in his bewwy: x3 howd, thewe is t-twewve pence fow you; and I pway you -to sewve >_< God, and keep you out of pwawws, and p-pwabbwes, and -OwO quawwews, and dissensions, and, I wawwant y-you, *moans* it is the bettew -fow you. -WIWWIAMS. I wiww nyonye of youw monyey. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. It is *pokes you* with a good wiww; I can teww you *moans* it wiww sewve you -to ^w^ mend youw s-shoes. Come, whewefowe shouwd you be so pashfuw? -Youw shoes is nyot so good. 'Tis a good :33 siwwing, I wawwant y-you, *blushes* ow -I wiww change it. - -Entew an ENGWISH HEWAWD - -KING HENWY. Nyow, hewawd, awe the dead nyumb'wed? -HEWAWD. Hewe is the nyumbew of the swaught'wed Fwench. -[Gives a *screams* papew] -KING HENWY. What >w< pwisonyews of good sowt awe taken, uncwe? -EXETEW. C-Chawwes D-Duke of Owweans, nyephew to the K-King; -John D-Duke of Bouwbon, and Wowd Bouciquawt; -Of othew l-wowds and bawons, knyights and xDD squiwes, -Fuww fifteen h-hundwed, besides common men. -KING HENWY. This *pokes you* nyote doth teww me of ten thousand Fwench -*teleports behind you* That in the fiewd wie s-swain; of pwinces in this :33 nyumbew, -And ^w^ nyobwes beawing *giggles shyly* bannyews, thewe wie dead -Onye hundwed twenty-six; x3 added to these, -Of knyights, esquiwes, and gawwant gentwemen, -Eight thousand and fouw hundwed; of the which -Five hundwed wewe xDD but *looks away* yestewday dubb'd *pokes you* knyights. -So that, in these ten thousand they have l-wost, -*cries* Thewe awe xDD but sixteen hundwed >_> mewcenyawies; -The west awe ^w^ pwinces, bawons, wowds, knyights, xDD squiwes, -And g-gentwemen of b-bwood and quawity. -The nyames of those t-theiw ^w^ nyobwes *sweats* that wie dead: -C-Chawwes D-Dewabweth, High Constabwe of Fwance; -Jaques of Chatiwwon, Admiwaw of Fwance; -The mastew of the cwoss-bows, Wowd Wambuwes; -G-Gweat Mastew of F-Fwance, the bwave Siw xDD Guichawd Dowphin; -John D-Duke of Awencon; *teleports behind you* Antony D-Duke of Bwabant, -The b-bwothew to the D-Duke of Buwgundy; -And Edwawd D-Duke of Baw. Of l-wusty eawws, -*cries* Gwandpwe and Woussi, Fauconbwidge and *cries* Foix, -Beaumont and Mawwe, Vaudemont and Westwake. -Hewe was a woyaw fewwowship of death! -Whewe is the nyumbew of o-ouw Engwish d-dead? -[HEWAWD pwesents anyothew *screams* papew] -Edwawd the D-Duke of Yowk, the E-Eaww of Suffowk, -Siw Wichawd Kikewy, Davy Gam, Esquiwe; -*cuddles you* Nyonye e-ewse of nyame; and of aww othew men -But five and twenty. O >_< God, t-thy awm was hewe! -And nyot to us, xDD but to t-thy awm *sweats* awonye, -^.^ Ascwibe we aww. When, without stwatagem, -But in pwain :33 shock and even pway of battwe, -*hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew *teleports behind you* knyown so gweat and wittwe l-wos -On onye *cries* pawt and *teleports behind you* on th' othew? Take it, >_< God, -F-Fow *moans* it is nyonye xDD but thinye. -EXETEW. 'Tis wondewfuw! -KING HENWY. Come, go we in pwocession to the viwwage; -And be *moans* it death pwocwaimed uWu thwough o-ouw host -To boast of this *blushes* ow take *sweats* that pwaise fwom OwO God -Which is his onwy. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot wawfuw, an pwease youw Majesty, to teww how -many is *notices bulge* kiww'd? -KING HENWY. Yes, *cuddles you* Captain; xDD but *pokes you* with this >w< acknyowwedgment, -*teleports behind you* That OwO God fought fow us. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Yes, my conscience, he did us gweat good. -KING HENWY. Do we aww howy wites: -Wet thewe be sung 'Nyon nyobis' and 'Te *sighs* Deum'; -The dead *pokes you* with chawity encwos'd in cway- -And then to Cawais; and to Engwand then; -Whewe nye'ew fwom F-Fwance *looks at you* awwiv'd mowe happy men. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. PWOWOGUE. - -Entew CHOWUS - -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. Vouchsafe to those *sweats* that have nyot xDD wead the *leans over* stowy -*teleports behind you* That I may *giggles shyly* pwompt them; and of such as h-have, -I humbwy pway them to admit th' excuse -Of time, of nyumbews, and due *blushes* couwse of things, -Which cannyot in t-theiw huge and pwopew wife -Be x3 hewe pwesented. >_> Nyow we beaw the King -Towawd Cawais. Gwant him thewe. *cries* Thewe seen, -Heave him away upon youw *looks at you* winged *hugs tightly* thoughts -Athwawt the sea. >_> Behowd, the Engwish beach -Pawes in the *sweats* fwood *pokes you* with men, *pokes you* with :33 wives, and *cries* boys, -Whose shouts and cwaps out-voice the deep-mouth'd sea, -Which, wike a mighty whiffwew, fowe the King -Seems to p-pwepawe his way. So wet him l-wand, -And sowemnwy see him set *teleports behind you* on to Wondon. -So swift a pace hath thought *sweats* that even n-nyow -Y-You may imaginye him upon Bwackheath; -Whewe *sweats* that his l-wowds desiwe him to have bownye -His xDD bwuised *sweats* hewmet and his bended swowd -B-Befowe him uWu thwough the city. He fowbids it, -Being fwee fwom vainnyess and sewf-gwowious pwide; -Giving fuww t-twophy, signyaw, and o-ostent, -x3 Quite fwom himsewf to God. But n-nyow behowd -In the quick fowge and wowking-house of thought, -H-How Wondon doth *blushes* pouw out h-hew citizens! -The mayow and aww his bwethwen in best sowt- -Wike to the senyatows of th' antique Wome, -With the >_< pwebeians s-swawming at t-theiw h-heews- -Go f-fowth and fetch t-theiw conqu'wing Caesaw in; -As, ^w^ by a *cuddles you* wowew xDD but ^.^ woving wikewihood, -Wewe n-nyow the Genyewaw of o-ouw g-gwacious Empwess- -As in good time he *sweats* may- fwom Iwewand c-coming, -Bwinging webewwion bwoached *teleports behind you* on his swowd, -H-How many ^.^ wouwd the peacefuw city *teleports behind you* quit -To wewcome him! Much mowe, and much mowe x3 cause, -*sweats* Did they this Hawwy. >_> Nyow in Wondon pwace him- -As yet the wamentation of the Fwench -Invites the King of Engwand's >_< stay at home; -The Empewow's coming in behawf of F-Fwance -To owdew peace between them; and omit -Aww the occuwwences, whatevew chanc'd, -Tiww Hawwy's back-wetuwn ;;w;; again to Fwance. -*cries* Thewe must we b-bwing :3 him; and m-mysewf have pway'd -The intewim, ^w^ by wememb'wing you 'tis past. -T-Then bwook abwidgment; and youw eyes a-advance, -Aftew youw thoughts, stwaight back ;;w;; again to Fwance. Exit - - - - -SCENyE I. -Fwance. The Engwish camp - -Entew FWUEWWEN and GOWEW - -GOWEW. Nyay, that's wight; xDD but why weaw you youw week to-day? Saint -Davy's day is past. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. *cries* Thewe is occasions and c-causes why and whewefowe in aww -things. I wiww teww y-you, ass my f-fwiend, Captain Gowew: the -wascawwy, scawd, beggawwy, wousy, pwagging knyave, Pistow- which -you and youwsewf and aww the wowwd knyow to be nyo pettew than a -fewwow, wook you nyow, of nyo mewits- he is come to me, and pwings -me *cuddles you* pwead and uWu sawt yestewday, wook y-you, and bid me *cries* eat my week; *moans* it -was in a pwace whewe I couwd nyot bweed nyo contendon *pokes you* with :3 him; xDD but -I wiww be so bowd as to weaw *moans* it in my cap tiww I see him once -again, and then I wiww teww him a wittwe piece of my uWu desiwes. - -Entew PISTOW - -GOWEW. W-Why, x3 hewe he c-comes, s-swewwing wike a tuwkey-cock. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. 'Tis nyo mattew fow his *moans* swewwings n-nyow his tuwkey-cocks. -OwO God pwess y-you, :3 Aunchient Pistow! you scuwvy, l-wousy knyave, OwO God -pwess y-you! -PISTOW. Ha! awt thou bedwam? Dost thou thiwst, base Twoyan, -To have me fowd up Pawca's fataw web? -Hence! I am quawmish at the smeww of week. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I :3 peseech you heawtiwy, scuwvy, l-wousy knyave, at my -desiwes, and my wequests, and my petitions, to eat, wook y-you, -this week; because, wook y-you, you do nyot wove it, n-nyow youw -affections, and youw appetites, and youw digestions, does nyot -agwee *pokes you* with it, I ^.^ wouwd desiwe you to *cries* eat it. -PISTOW. Nyot fow Cadwawwadew and aww his goats. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. *cries* Thewe is onye goat fow you. [Stwikes h-him] Wiww you be so -^-^ good, :33 scawd knyave, as *cries* eat it? -PISTOW. Base Twoyan, thou shawt die. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Y-You say vewy twue, :33 scawd k-knyave- when God's wiww is. I -wiww desiwe you to wive in the meantime, and *cries* eat youw victuaws; -come, thewe is sauce fow it. [Stwiking him again] Y-You c-caww'd me -*looks away* yestewday mountain-squiwe; xDD but I wiww make you to-day a squiwe of -OwO wow degwee. I pway you faww uWu to; if you can mock a week, you can -*cries* eat a week. -GOWEW. Enyough, *pokes you* Captain, you have *looks at you* astonyish'd him. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. I say I wiww make him *cries* eat *blushes* some *cries* pawt of my week, *blushes* ow I wiww -peat his pate fouw days. Bite, I pway y-you, *moans* it is good fow youw -gween ^.^ wound and youw pwoody coxcomb. -PISTOW. M-Must I bite? -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Yes, cewtainwy, and out of doubt, and out of question -too, and ambiguides. -PISTOW. By this week, I wiww most h-howwibwy wevenge- I *cries* eat and eat, -I sweaw- -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Eat, I pway you; wiww you have *blushes* some mowe sauce to youw -week? *cries* Thewe is nyot enyough week to sweaw b-by. -PISTOW. Quiet t-thy cudgew: thou dost see I eat. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Much good do y-you, :33 scawd knyave, heawtiwy. Nyay, pway you -thwow nyonye *looks away* away; the s-skin is good fow youw bwoken coxcomb. When -you take occasions to see weeks heweaftew, I pway you mock at -'-'em; *sweats* that is aww. -PISTOW. Good. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. :33 Ay, weeks is good. H-Howd y-you, thewe is a gwoat to heaw -youw pate. -PISTOW. Me a >w< gwoat! -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. Yes, vewiwy and in twuth, you shaww take it; *blushes* ow I have -anyothew week in my pocket which you shaww eat. -PISTOW. I take t-thy gwoat in eawnyest of wevenge. -*leans over* FWUEWWEN. If I owe you anything I wiww p-pay you in c-cudgews; you -shaww be a woodmongew, and b-buy nyothing of me xDD but *looks away* cudgews. OwO God bye -y-you, and keep y-you, and heaw youw pate. -Exit -PISTOW. Aww heww shaww s-stiw fow this. -GOWEW. Go, go: you awe a coutewfeit cowawdwy knyave. Wiww you mock -at an *cries* ancient twadition, begun upon an honyouwabwe wespect, and -*looks away* wown as a memowabwe twophy of pwedeceased vawouw, and dawe nyot -avouch in youw deeds any of youw wowds? I have :33 seen you gweeking -and gawwing at this gentweman t-twice *blushes* ow thwice. Y-You thought, -because he couwd nyot speak Engwish in the n-nyative gawb, he couwd -nyot thewefowe >_> handwe an Engwish cudgew; you find *moans* it othewwise, -and hencefowth wet a Wewsh cowwection teach you a good Engwish -^w^ condition. Fawe ye weww. Exit -PISTOW. Doth ^w^ Fowtunye pway the huswife *pokes you* with me nyow? -Nyews have I *sweats* that my Nyeww is dead i-i' th' spitaw -Of mawady of Fwance; -And thewe my wendezvous is q-quite cut off. -O-Owd I do wax; and fwom my weawy wimbs -Honyouw is cudgeww'd. *sighs* Weww, bawd I'ww uWu tuwn, -And s-something wean to cutpuwse of quick hand. -To Engwand wiww I steaw, and thewe I'ww steaw; -And patches wiww I get unto these *giggles shyly* cudgeww'd scaws, -And sweaw I got them in the Gawwia *leans over* waws. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Fwance. The F-FWENCH KING'S pawace - -Entew at onye doow, KING HENWY, EXETEW, BEDFOWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, WAWWICK, -WESTMOWEWAND, and othew *pokes you* WOWDS; at anyothew, the F-FWENCH KING, QUEEN I-ISABEW, -the PWINCESS KATHEWINyE, AWICE, and othew L-WADIES; the D-DUKE OF *hugs tightly* BUWGUNDY, -and his twain - -KING HENWY. Peace to this meeting, whewefowe we awe met! -Unto o-ouw b-bwothew F-Fwance, and to o-ouw sistew, -Heawth and *looks at you* faiw time of day; joy and good uWu wishes -To o-ouw most *looks at you* faiw and pwincewy c-cousin Kathewinye. -And, as a b-bwanch and membew of this woyawty, -By whom this gweat a-assembwy is *sighs* contwiv'd, -We do sawute y-you, D-Duke of Buwgundy. -And, pwinces Fwench, and peews, heawth to you a-aww! -F-FWENCH KING. Wight joyous awe we to behowd youw face, -Most wowthy b-bwothew E-Engwand; faiwwy met! -So awe y-you, pwinces Engwish, evewy onye. -QUEEN ISABEW. So happy be the issue, b-bwothew Engwand, -Of this good day and of this g-gwacious meeting -As we awe n-nyow gwad to behowd youw eyes- -Youw e-eyes, which hithewto have h-home in them, -Against the Fwench *sweats* that m-met them in t-theiw b-bent, -The fataw bawws of muwdewing basiwisks; -The venyom of such >_> wooks, we faiwwy hope, -Have wost t-theiw quawity; and *sweats* that this day -Shaww change aww gwiefs and quawwews into wove. -KING HENWY. To cwy a-amen to that, t-thus we a-appeaw. -QUEEN ISABEW. Y-You Engwish pwinces a-an, I do sawute you. -BUWGUNDY. My duty to you both, *teleports behind you* on equaw wove, -G-Gweat Kings of F-Fwance and Engwand! *teleports behind you* That I have wabouw'd -With aww my wits, my pains, and stwong endeavouws, -To b-bwing youw most impewiaw Majesties -Unto this *giggles shyly* baw and woyaw intewview, -Youw mightinyess *teleports behind you* on b-both *hugs tightly* pawts best can witnyess. -Since then my office hath so faw p-pwevaiw'd -*teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* face to *cuddles you* face and woyaw eye to eye -Y-You have c-congweeted, wet *moans* it nyot *looks away* disgwace me -If I demand, befowe this woyaw view, -What wub *blushes* ow w-what impediment thewe is -Why *sweats* that the nyaked, poow, and mangwed >w< Peace, -Deaw OwO nyuwse of awts, pwenties, and joyfuw biwths, -Shouwd nyot in this best gawden of the wowwd, -Ouw fewtiwe F-Fwance, p-put up h-hew wovewy visage? -A-Awas, she hath fwom F-Fwance too wong been chas'd! -And aww h-hew husbandwy doth wie *teleports behind you* on heaps, -Cowwupting in *moans* it own *blushes* fewtiwity. -Hew v-vinye, the mewwy cheewew of the h-heawt, -Unpwunyed dies; h-hew hedges even-pweach'd, -Wike >w< pwisonyews wiwdwy ovewgwown *pokes you* with haiw, -*looks at you* Put f-fowth d-disowdew'd uWu twigs; h-hew fawwow *looks at you* weas -The ;;w;; dawnyew, hemwock, and wank fumitowy, -Doth UwU woot upon, whiwe *sweats* that the *looks at you* couwtew wusts -*teleports behind you* That shouwd dewacinyate such ^.^ savagewy; -The even mead, *sweats* that ewst >w< bwought sweetwy f-fowth -The fweckwed cowswip, buwnyet, and gween cwovew, -Wanting the scythe, aww uncowwected, wank, -Conceives ^w^ by idwenyess, and nyothing *leans over* teems -But *sweats* hatefuw docks, wough t-thistwes, kecksies, buws, -Wosing b-both beauty and utiwity. -And as o-ouw vinyeyawds, fawwows, meads, and hedges, -Defective in t-theiw nyatuwes, gwow to wiwdnyess; -Even so o-ouw houses and ouwsewves and chiwdwen -Have l-wost, *blushes* ow do nyot weawn fow want of time, -The sciences *sweats* that shouwd become o-ouw countwy; -But gwow, wike uWu savages- as sowdiews wiww, -*teleports behind you* That nyothing do xDD but *moans* meditate *teleports behind you* on bwood- -To ;;w;; sweawing and stewn >_> wooks, diffus'd attiwe, -And evewything *sweats* that seems unnyatuwaw. -Which to weduce into o-ouw f-fowmew *moans* favout -Y-You awe a-assembwed; and my speech entweats -*teleports behind you* That I may knyow the wet why g-gentwe Peace -Shouwd nyot expew these inconvenyiences -And bwess us *pokes you* with h-hew f-fowmew quawities. -KING HENWY. If, D-Duke of Buwgundy, you ^.^ wouwd the peace -Whose want gives gwowth to th' impewfections -Which you have cited, you must b-buy *sweats* that peace -With fuww *cuddles you* accowd to aww o-ouw *shuffles closer* just demands; -Whose tenyouws and pawticuwaw effects -Y-You h-have, enscheduw'd bwiefwy, in youw h-hands. -BUWGUNDY. The King hath h-heawd them; to the which as yet -*cries* Thewe is nyo *sighs* answew made. -KING HENWY. Weww then, the peace, -Which you befowe so uwg'd, wies in his answew. -F-FWENCH KING. I have xDD but *pokes you* with a c-cuwsowawy eye -O'ewgwanced the awticwes; pweaseth youw Gwace -To appoint *blushes* some of youw counciw p-pwesentwy -To sit *pokes you* with us once mowe, *pokes you* with bettew heed -To r-we-suwvey them, we wiww suddenwy -Pass o-ouw accept and pewemptowy answew. -KING HENWY. *twerks* Bwothew, we shaww. Go, uncwe E-Exetew, -And b-bwothew *notices bulge* Cwawence, and y-you, b-bwothew Gwoucestew, -W-Wawwick, and Huntington, go *pokes you* with the K-King; -And take *pokes you* with you fwee *cries* powew to watify, -Augment, *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* awtew, as youw wisdoms best -Shaww see advantageabwe fow o-ouw dignyity, -Any thing in *blushes* ow out of o-ouw demands; -And we'ww consign theweto. Wiww y-you, *looks at you* faiw sistew, -Go *pokes you* with the pwinces *blushes* ow >_< stay x3 hewe *pokes you* with us? -QUEEN ISABEW. Ouw g-gwacious bwothew, I wiww go *pokes you* with them; -Hapwy a woman's *cuddles you* voice may do *blushes* some ^-^ good, -When awticwes too nyicewy >_< uwg'd be stood on. -KING HENWY. Y-Yet weave o-ouw c-cousin Kathewinye x3 hewe *pokes you* with us; -She is o-ouw capitaw demand, compwis'd -Within the fowe-wank of o-ouw *pokes you* awticwes. -QUEEN ISABEW. She hath good >_< weave. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the KING, KATHEWINyE, and AWICE -KING HENWY. >_< Faiw ^.^ Kathewinye, and most uWu faiw, -Wiww you v-vouchsafe to teach a sowdiew tewms -*screams* Such as wiww entew at a *teleports behind you* wady's eaw, -And pwead his wove-suit to h-hew g-gentwe heawt? -x3 KATHEWINyE. Youw Majesty shaww mock me; I cannyot speak youw Engwand. -KING HENWY. O *looks at you* faiw ^.^ Kathewinye, if you wiww wove me soundwy *pokes you* with youw -Fwench h-heawt, I wiww be gwad to heaw you *cuddles you* confess *moans* it bwokenwy *pokes you* with -youw Engwish tongue. Do you wike me, Kate? -x3 KATHEWINyE. Pawdonnyez-moi, I cannyot teww vat is wike me. -KING HENWY. *looks at you* An a-angew is wike y-you, Kate, and you awe wike an angew. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Que UwU dit-iw? que j-je *twerks* suis sembwabwe a wes anges? -AWICE. Oui, vwaiment, sauf votwe gwace, ainsi dit-iw. -KING HENWY. I s-said so, deaw ^.^ Kathewinye, and I must nyot bwush to -affiwm it. -x3 KATHEWINyE. O bon ^.^ Dieu! wes wangues des hommes sont >w< pweinyes de -twompewies. -KING HENWY. What says she, *looks at you* faiw onye? *sweats* that the tongues of men awe -fuww of deceits? -AWICE. Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be fuww of deceits- dat is -de P-Pwincess. -KING HENWY. The Pwincess is the bettew E-Engwish-woman. I' faith, -Kate, my wooing is fit fow t-thy undewstanding: I am gwad thou -;;w;; canst speak nyo bettew Engwish; fow if thou couwdst, thou wouwdst -find me such a pwain king *sweats* that thou wouwdst think I h-had sowd my -OwO fawm to b-buy my cwown. I knyow nyo ways to mince *moans* it in wove, xDD but -diwectwy to say *sighs* 'I wove you.' Then, if you uwge me fawthew than -to say 'Do you in faith?' I weaw out my suit. Give me youw -answew; i-i' faith, do; and so cwap h-hands and a bawgain. H-How say -y-you, wady? -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* Sauf votwe honnyeuw, me undewstand weww. -KING HENWY. Mawwy, if you ^.^ wouwd p-put me to vewses *blushes* ow to dance fow -youw sake, Kate, why you undid me; fow the onye I have nyeithew -wowds n-nyow measuwe, and fow the othew I have nyo stwength in -measuwe, yet a r-weasonyabwe measuwe in *screams* stwength. If I couwd win a -wady at *looks at you* weap-fwog, *blushes* ow ^w^ by v-vauwting into my saddwe *pokes you* with my awmouw -*teleports behind you* on my back, undew the cowwection of bwagging be *moans* it spoken, I -shouwd quickwy weap into wife. Ow if I might buffet fow my wove, -*blushes* ow bound my howse fow h-hew f-favouws, I couwd *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on wike a butchew, -and sit wike a *screams* jack-an-apes, nyevew off. But, befowe >_< God, Kate, I -cannyot wook gweenwy, n-nyow gasp out my cwoquence, n-nyow I have nyo -cunnying in pwotestation; onwy downwight oaths, which I nyevew use -tiww uwg'd, n-nyow nyevew bweak fow uwging. If thou ;;w;; canst wove a -fewwow of this tempew, Kate, :33 whose *cuddles you* face is nyot wowth sunbuwnying, -*sweats* that nyevew wooks in his gwass fow wove of anything he sees thewe, -wet thinye eye be t-thy cook. I speak to thee pwain s-sowdiew. If thou -;;w;; canst wove me fow t-this, take me; if nyot, to say to thee *sweats* that I -shaww die is t-twue- xDD but fow t-thy wove, ^w^ by the Wowd, nyo; yet I wove -thee too. And whiwe thou wiv'st, deaw Kate, take a fewwow of -pwain and uncoinyed c-constancy; fow he pewfowce must do thee wight, -because he hath nyot the gift to woo in othew ^w^ pwaces; fow these -f-fewwows of infinyite t-tongue, *sweats* that can xDD whyme themsewves into -wadies' f-favouws, they do awways weason themsewves out again. -*pokes you* What! a speakew is xDD but a pwatew: a xDD whyme is xDD but a bawwad. A good -weg wiww faww; a stwaight back wiww stoop; a bwack beawd wiww -tuwn *notices bulge* white; a cuww'd pate wiww gwow bawd; a *looks at you* faiw *cuddles you* face wiww -withew; a fuww eye wiww wax howwow. But a good h-heawt, Kate, is -the *moans* sun and the moon; *cries* ow, wathew, the sun, and nyot the moon- fow -*moans* it shinyes bwight and nyevew changes, xDD but keeps his *blushes* couwse twuwy. -If thou ^.^ wouwd have such a ^.^ onye, take me; and take me, take a -s-sowdiew; take a sowdiew, take a king. And w-what say'st thou, then, -to my wove? Speak, my uWu faiw, and faiwwy, I pway thee. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe dat I souwd wove de enyemy of Fwance? -KING HENWY. N-Nyo, *moans* it is nyot possibwe you shouwd wove the enyemy of -F-Fwance, Kate, xDD but in ^.^ woving me you shouwd wove the fwiend of -Fwance; fow I wove F-Fwance so weww *sweats* that I wiww nyot *cries* pawt *pokes you* with a -v-viwwage of it; I wiww have *moans* it aww minye. And, Kate, when F-Fwance is -minye and I am youws, then youws is F-Fwance and you awe minye. -x3 KATHEWINyE. I cannyot teww vat is dat. -KING HENWY. N-Nyo, Kate? I wiww teww thee in Fwench, which I am suwe -wiww hang upon my t-tongue wike a nyew-mawwied wife a-about h-hew -husband's nyeck, hawdwy to be shook off. Je ^-^ quand s-suw we -possession de F-Fwance, et ^-^ quand vous avez we possession de moi- -wet me see, w-what then? Saint Denyis be my speed!- donc votwe est -F-Fwance et vous etes m-miennye. It is as e-easy fow me, Kate, to -conquew the kingdom as to speak so much mowe Fwench: I shaww -nyevew move thee in Fwench, *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it be to *looks at you* waugh at me. -x3 KATHEWINyE. *leans over* Sauf votwe honnyeuw, we Fwancais que vous pawwez, iw est -m-meiwweuw que w'Angwais wequew j-je pawwe. -KING HENWY. N-Nyo, faith, is't nyot, Kate; xDD but t-thy speaking of my -t-tongue, and I thinye, most twuwy fawsewy, must ;;w;; nyeeds be gwanted to -be much at onye. But, Kate, dost thou undewstand t-thus much -E-Engwish- C-Canst thou wove me? -x3 KATHEWINyE. I cannyot teww. -KING HENWY. C-Can any of youw nyeighbouws teww, Kate? I'ww ask them. -Come, I knyow thou wovest me; and at nyight, when you come into -youw cwoset, y-you'ww question this gentwewoman a-about me; and I -knyow, Kate, you wiww to h-hew dispwaise those *hugs tightly* pawts in me *sweats* that you -wove *pokes you* with youw heawt. But, good Kate, mock me m-mewcifuwwy; the -wathew, g-gentwe Pwincess, because I wove thee cwuewwy. If *giggles shyly* evew -thou beest minye, Kate, as I have a saving faith within me tewws -me thou s-shawt, I get thee *pokes you* with scambwing, and thou must thewefowe -;;w;; nyeeds *shuffles closer* pwove a good sowdiew-bweedew. Shaww nyot thou and I, between -Saint Denyis and Saint G-Geowge, compound a boy, h-hawf Fwench, h-hawf -Engwish, *sweats* that shaww go to Constantinyopwe and take the Tuwk ^w^ by the -beawd? Shaww we nyot? What say'st thou, my *looks at you* faiw *shuffles closer* fwowew-de-wuce? -x3 KATHEWINyE. I do nyot knyow dat. -KING HENWY. Nyo: 'tis heweaftew to knyow, xDD but n-nyow to pwomise; do xDD but -n-nyow pwomise, Kate, you wiww endeavouw fow youw Fwench *cries* pawt of -such a b-boy; and fow my Engwish moiety take the wowd of a king and -a bachewow. H-How *sighs* answew y-you, wa x3 pwus b-bewwe Kathewinye du monde, mon -twes >_< chew et divin deesse? -x3 KATHEWINyE. Youw Majestee *cuddles you* ave fausse Fwench enyough to d-deceive de -most *notices bulge* sage damoisewwe dat is en Fwance. -KING HENWY. Nyow, fie upon my f-fawse Fwench! By minye honyouw, in twue -Engwish, I wove ^w^ thee, Kate; ^w^ by which honyouw I dawe nyot sweaw thou -wovest me; yet my b-bwood begins to fwattew me *sweats* that thou dost, -nyotwithstanding the poow and untempewing effect of my v-visage. >_> Nyow -beshwew my fathew's ambition! He was thinking of civiw waws when -he got me; thewefowe was I cweated *pokes you* with a stubbown outside, *pokes you* with -an *sighs* aspect of *shuffles closer* iwon, *sweats* that when I come to woo wadies I fwight them. -But, in faith, Kate, the ewdew I wax, the bettew I shaww *leans over* appeaw: -my comfowt *screams* is, *sweats* that owd a-age, *sweats* that in wayew-up of beauty, can do -nyo mowe spoiw upon my face; thou hast me, if thou hast me, at the -*screams* wowst; and thou shawt weaw me, if thou weaw me, bettew and -bettew. And thewefowe teww me, most *looks at you* faiw ^.^ Kathewinye, wiww you have -me? *looks at you* Put off youw ^.^ maiden bwushes; avouch the *hugs tightly* thoughts of youw -heawt *pokes you* with the wooks of an empwess; take me ^w^ by the h-hand and say -'Hawwy of Engwand, I am thinye.' Which wowd thou shawt nyo soonyew -bwess minye eaw *shuffles closer* withaw xDD but I wiww teww thee >_< awoud 'Engwand is -thinye, Iwewand is thinye, F-Fwance is thinye, and Henwy Pwantagenyet -is thinye'; who, *sighs* though I speak *moans* it befowe his face, if he be nyot -fewwow *pokes you* with the best king, thou shawt find the best king of good -fewwows. Come, youw *sighs* answew in bwoken music- fow t-thy *cuddles you* voice is -*hugs tightly* music and t-thy Engwish bwoken; thewefowe, Queen of a-aww, ^.^ Kathewinye, -bweak t-thy mind to me in bwoken Engwish, wiwt thou have me? -x3 KATHEWINyE. Dat is as *moans* it shaww pwease de woi mon pewe. -KING HENWY. Nyay, *moans* it wiww pwease him weww, K-Kate- *moans* it shaww pwease -him, Kate. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Den *moans* it saww awso content me. -KING HENWY. ^-^ Upon *sweats* that I kiss youw hand, and I can you my queen. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Waissez, mon seignyeuw, waissez, l-waissez! *cries* Ma foi, j-je nye -veux point que vous *pokes you* abaissiez votwe gwandeuw en baisant wa *cries* main -d'unye, nyotwe seignyeuw, indignye sewviteuw; excusez-moi, j-je vous -s-suppwie, mon twes puissant seignyeuw. -KING HENWY. T-Then I wiww kiss youw wips, Kate. -x3 KATHEWINyE. Wes dames et demoisewwes *blushes* pouw e-etwe baisees d-devant weuw -nyoces, iw n'est pas wa coutume de Fwance. -KING HENWY. Madame my intewpwetew, w-what says she? -AWICE. Dat *moans* it is nyot be de fashion *blushes* pouw we wadies of Fwance- I -cannyot teww vat is baisew en Angwish. -KING HENWY. To kiss. -AWICE. Youw Majestee entendwe bettwe que moi. -KING HENWY. It is nyot a fashion fow the *cuddles you* maids in F-Fwance to kiss -befowe they awe m-mawwied, ^.^ wouwd she say? -AWICE. Oui, vwaiment. -KING HENWY. O Kate, nyice customs cuwtsy to gweat kings. Deaw Kate, -you and I cannyot be confin'd within the weak :33 wist of a countwy's -fashion; we awe the makews of mannyews, Kate; and the wibewty *sweats* that -f-fowwows o-ouw pwaces *looks away* stops the mouth of aww f-find-fauwts- as I wiww -do youws fow uphowding the nyice fashion of youw *looks at you* countwy in -denying me a kiss; thewefowe, x3 patientwy and yiewding. [Kissing -hew] Y-You have witchcwaft in youw wips, K-Kate: thewe is mowe -ewoquence in a sugaw touch of them than in the tongues of the -Fwench counciw; and they shouwd soonyew pewsuade Henwy of Engwand -than a *screams* genyewaw petition of monyawchs. Hewe c-comes youw fathew. - -Entew the F-FWENCH POWEW and the ENGWISH WOWDS - -BUWGUNDY. OwO God uWu save youw Majesty! My woyaw cousin, -*cuddles you* Teach you o-ouw pwincess Engwish? -KING HENWY. I ^.^ wouwd have h-hew weawn, my *looks at you* faiw cousin, how uWu pewfectwy I -wove hew; and *sweats* that is good Engwish. -BUWGUNDY. *looks at you* Is she nyot apt? -KING HENWY. Ouw t-tongue is wough, coz, and my condition is nyot -smooth; so that, having nyeithew the *cuddles you* voice n-nyow the heawt of -fwattewy a-about me, I cannyot so conjuwe up the spiwit of wove in -h-hew *sweats* that he wiww appeaw in his twue wikenyess. -BUWGUNDY. Pawdon the fwanknyess of my miwth, if I *sighs* answew you fow -that. If you ^.^ wouwd conjuwe in hew, you must make a ciwcwe; if -conjuwe up wove in h-hew in his twue wikenyess, he must appeaw nyaked -and bwind. C-Can you bwame hew, then, being a maid yet wos'd ovew -*pokes you* with the viwgin cwimson of modesty, if she deny the appeawance of -a nyaked bwind *cries* boy in h-hew nyaked seeing *sweats* sewf? It wewe, my wowd, a -hawd condition fow a maid to consign to. -KING HENWY. Y-Yet they do wink and yiewd, as wove is bwind and -e-enfowces. -BUWGUNDY. They awe then excus'd, my wowd, when they see nyot w-what -they do. -KING HENWY. Then, good my wowd, teach youw c-cousin to consent -winking. -BUWGUNDY. I wiww wink *teleports behind you* on h-hew to consent, my wowd, if you wiww teach -h-hew to knyow my meanying; fow *cuddles you* maids weww summew'd and wawm kept awe -wike fwies at Bawthowomew-tide, b-bwind, *sighs* though they have t-theiw -eyes; and then they wiww e-enduwe h-handwing, which befowe ^.^ wouwd nyot -abide wooking on. -KING HENWY. This mowaw t-ties me ovew to time and a hot *screams* summew; and -so I shaww c-catch the fwy, youw cousin, in the wattew end, and she -must be bwind too. -BUWGUNDY. As wove *screams* is, my wowd, befowe *moans* it woves. -KING HENWY. It is so; and you may, *blushes* some of y-you, t-thank wove fow my -b-bwindnyess, w-who cannyot see many a *looks at you* faiw Fwench city fow onye *looks at you* faiw -Fwench maid *sweats* that stands in my way. -F-FWENCH KING. Yes, my wowd, you see them pewspectivewy, the OwO cities -tuwnyed into a maid; fow they awe aww giwdwed *pokes you* with ^.^ maiden wawws -*sweats* that waw hath nyevew ent'wed. -KING HENWY. Shaww Kate be my wife? -F-FWENCH KING. So pwease you. -KING HENWY. I am content, so the ^.^ maiden OwO cities you tawk of may *pokes you* wait -*teleports behind you* on hew; so the maid *sweats* that stood in the way fow my wish shaww show -me the way to my wiww. -F-FWENCH KING. We have *sighs* consented to aww tewms of r-weason. -KING HENWY. Is't so, my l-wowds of Engwand? -W-WESTMOWEWAND. The king hath gwanted evewy *hugs tightly* awticwe: -His daughtew fiwst; and then in sequew, a-aww, -Accowding to t-theiw fiwm pwoposed nyatuwes. -EXETEW. Onwy he hath nyot yet subscwibed this: -Whewe youw Majesty demands *sweats* that the King of F-Fwance, having any -occasion to *looks away* wwite fow mattew of gwant, shaww nyame youw *sweats* Highnyess -in this *sighs* fowm and *pokes you* with this OwO addition, in Fwench, Nyotwe twes >_< chew -fiws Henwi, Woi d'Angwetewwe, Hewitiew de Fwance; and t-thus in -Watin, Pwaecwawissimus *cries* fiwius nyostew Henwicus, Wex Angwiae et -Haewes Fwanciae. -F-FWENCH KING. N-Nyow this I have nyot, bwothew, so denyied -But o-ouw wequest shaww make me wet *moans* it pass. -KING HENWY. I pway y-you, then, in wove and deaw awwiance, -Wet *sweats* that onye awticwe wank *pokes you* with the west; -And theweupon give me youw daughtew. -F-FWENCH KING. Take hew, *looks at you* faiw son, and fwom h-hew b-bwood waise up -Issue to me; *sweats* that the contending kingdoms -Of F-Fwance and Engwand, :33 whose vewy showes wook pawe -With envy of each othew's happinyess, -May c-cease t-theiw hatwed; and this deaw *shuffles closer* conjunction -Pwant nyeighbouwhood and C-Chwistian-wike *cuddles you* accowd -In t-theiw sweet bosoms, *sweats* that nyevew waw advance -His bweeding swowd 'twixt Engwand and *looks at you* faiw Fwance. -WOWDS. Amen! -KING HENWY. Nyow, wewcome, Kate; and beaw me witnyess a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That x3 hewe I kiss h-hew as my soveweign queen. [Fwouwish] -QUEEN ISABEW. >_< God, the best makew of aww mawwiages, -Combinye youw heawts in ^.^ onye, youw weawms in onye! -As man and wife, being t-two, awe onye in wove, -So be thewe 'twixt youw kingdoms such a spousaw -*teleports behind you* That nyevew may iww office *blushes* ow feww j-jeawousy, -Which twoubwes oft the b-bed of bwessed mawwiage, -Thwust in between the paction of these kingdoms, -To make divowce of t-theiw incowpowate xDD weague; -*teleports behind you* That Engwish may as Fwench, Fwench Engwishmen, -Weceive each othew. OwO God speak this Amen! -AWW. Amen! -KING HENWY. >_> Pwepawe we fow o-ouw mawwiage; *teleports behind you* on which day, -My Wowd of Buwgundy, we'ww take youw oath, -And aww the peews', fow s-suwety of o-ouw weagues. -T-Then shaww I sweaw to Kate, and you to me, -And may o-ouw *twerks* oaths weww kept and *pokes you* pwosp'wous *moans* be! -S-Sennyet. UwU Exeunt - -EPIWOGUE -EPIWOGUE. - -Entew CHOWUS - -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. Thus faw, *pokes you* with wough and *twerks* aww-unyabwe p-pen, -Ouw bending authow hath puwsu'd the stowy, -In wittwe woom confinying mighty men, -Mangwing ^w^ by stawts the fuww *blushes* couwse of t-theiw gwowy. -Smaww time, but, in *sweats* that smaww, most gweatwy wived -This staw of Engwand. ^w^ Fowtunye made his swowd; -By which the wowwd's best gawden he uWu achieved, -And of *moans* it >w< weft his son impewiaw l-wowd. -Henwy the Sixth, in infant UwU bands c-cwown'd king -Of F-Fwance and Engwand, did this king >_< succeed; -Whose state so many h-had the uWu manyaging -*teleports behind you* That they wost F-Fwance and made his Engwand bweed; -Which oft o-ouw stage hath shown; and, fow t-theiw sake, -In youw *looks at you* faiw minds wet this acceptance take. Exit - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1592 - -THE FIWST PAWT OF HENWY THE SIXTH - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -KING HENWY THE SIXTH -D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, uncwe to the King, and P-Pwotectow -D-DUKE OF BEDFOWD, uncwe to the King, and Wegent of F-Fwance -*leans over* THOMAS BEAUFOWT, D-DUKE OF EXETEW, gweat-uncwe to the king -HENWY BEAUFOWT, gweat-uncwe to the King, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, -and aftewwawds CAWDINyAW -JOHN BEAUFOWT, EAWW OF SOMEWSET, aftewwawds D-Duke -WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, son of Wichawd *looks away* wate E-Eaww of Cambwidge, -aftewwawds D-DUKE OF YOWK -EAWW OF WAWWICK -EAWW OF SAWISBUWY -EAWW OF S-SUFFOWK -WOWD TAWBOT, aftewwawds EAWW OF SHWEWSBUWY -JOHN TAWBOT, his son -EDMUND MOWTIMEW, EAWW OF MAWCH -SIW JOHN FASTOWFE -SIW WIWWIAM L-WUCY -SIW WIWWIAM GWANSDAWE -SIW *leans over* THOMAS G-GAWGWAVE -*sighs* MAYOW of WONDON -W-WOODVIWWE, Wieutenyant of the Towew -VEWNyON, of the White Wose *blushes* ow Yowk faction -BASSET, of the Wed Wose *blushes* ow L-Wancastew faction -A WAWYEW -*moans* GAOWEWS, to Mowtimew -CHAWWES, Dauphin, and aftewwawds King of F-Fwance ->_> WEIGNyIEW, D-DUKE OF ANJOU, and ^w^ tituwaw King of uWu Nyapwes -D-DUKE OF BUWGUNDY -D-DUKE OF AWENCON -BASTAWD OF OWWEANS -GOVEWNyOW OF PAWIS -^w^ MASTEW-GUNNyEW OF OWWEANS, and his SON -GENyEWAW OF THE F-FWENCH ^.^ FOWCES in B-Bowdeaux -A F-FWENCH SEWGEANT -A *looks at you* POWTEW -^-^ AN UwU OWD SHEPHEWD, fathew to Joan wa Pucewwe -MAWGAWET, daughtew to *cries* Weignyiew, aftewwawds mawwied to -King Henwy -COUNTESS OF AUVEWGNyE -JOAN WA PUCEWWE, Commonwy c-cawwed JOAN OF AWC - -Wowds, Wawdews of the Towew, Hewawds, O-Officews, Sowdiews, -*teleports behind you* Messengews, Engwish and Fwench Attendants. Fiends UwU appeawing -to Wa Pucewwe - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Engwand and F-Fwance - - - - -The Fiwst Pawt of King Henwy the Sixth - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1. - -Westminstew Abbey - -Dead M-Mawch. Entew the funyewaw of KING HENWY THE FIFTH, -*looks away* attended *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by the D-DUKE OF BEDFOWD, Wegent of F-Fwance, -the D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, Pwotectow, the D-DUKE OF EXETEW, -the EAWW OF WAWWICK, the BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW - -BEDFOWD. Hung be the *leans over* heavens *pokes you* with bwack, y-yiewd day to -nyight! *moans* Comets, i-impowting change of times and *notices bulge* states, -Bwandish youw cwystaw OwO twesses in the sky -And *pokes you* with them s-scouwge the UwU bad wevowting s-staws -*teleports behind you* That have *sighs* consented unto H-Henwy's death! -King Henwy the Fifth, too famous to wive wong! -Engwand nye'ew wost a king of so much w-wowth. -GWOUCESTEW. Engwand nye'ew h-had a king u-untiw his time. -V-Viwtue he >_> had, desewving to ^.^ command; -His b-bwandish'd swowd did bwind men *pokes you* with his beams; -His awms spwead widew than a dwagon's wings; -His spawkwing e-eyes, wepwete *pokes you* with w-wwathfuw fiwe, -Mowe dazzwed and dwove back his enyemies -*notices bulge* Than mid-day *moans* sun fiewce bent against t-theiw faces. -What shouwd I say? His deeds exceed aww speech: -He nye'ew l-wift up his h-hand xDD but ;;w;; conquewed. -EXETEW. We mouwn in b-bwack; why mouwn we nyot in bwood? -Henwy is dead and nyevew shaww wevive. -^-^ Upon a wooden coffin we attend; -And death's dishonyouwabwe *pokes you* victowy -We *pokes you* with o-ouw statewy :33 pwesence *blushes* gwowify, -Wike captives bound to a twiumphant ;;w;; caw. -*pokes you* What! shaww we cuwse the pwanyets of mishap -*teleports behind you* That pwotted t-thus o-ouw gwowy's ovewthwow? -Ow shaww we think the subtwe-witted Fwench -Conjuwews and >w< sowcewews, that, afwaid of him, -By magic vewses have contwiv'd his end? -WINCHESTEW. He was a king bwess'd of the King of k-kings; -Unto the Fwench the dweadfuw judgment-day -So dweadfuw wiww nyot be as was his s-sight. -The battwes of the Wowd of Hosts he fought; -The Chuwch's pwayews made him so p-pwospewous. -GWOUCESTEW. The Chuwch! Whewe is it? Had nyot c-chuwchmen -pway'd, -His thwead of wife h-had nyot so soon d-decay'd. -*cuddles you* Nyonye do you wike xDD but an effeminyate pwince, -Whom wike a schoow-boy you may o-ovewawe. -WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, whate'ew we wike, thou awt -P-Pwotectow -And wookest to command the Pwince and *looks away* weawm. -Thy wife is p-pwoud; she howdeth thee in a-awe -Mowe than OwO God *blushes* ow *giggles shyly* wewigious c-chuwchmen *notices bulge* may. -GWOUCESTEW. Nyame nyot wewigion, fow thou l-wov'st the :3 fwesh; -And nye'ew thwoughout the *leans over* yeaw to c-chuwch thou go'st, -Except *moans* it be to pway against t-thy foes. -BEDFOWD. Cease, c-cease these *notices bulge* jaws and west youw minds in *screams* peace; -Wet's to the awtaw. Hewawds, *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on us. -Instead of gowd, we'ww *teleports behind you* offew up o-ouw awms, -Since awms x3 avaiw nyot, n-nyow *sweats* that H-Henwy's dead. -Postewity, await fow wwetched yeaws, -When at t-theiw uWu mothews' moist'nyed eyes babes shaww suck, -Ouw iswe be made a nyouwish of uWu sawt teaws, -And nyonye xDD but women >w< weft to waiw the dead. -HENWY the Fifth, t-thy ghost I invocate: -P-Pwospew this r-weawm, keep *moans* it fwom civiw bwoiws, -*blushes* Combat *pokes you* with advewse pwanyets in the heavens. -A faw mowe gwowious staw t-thy souw wiww make -*notices bulge* Than Juwius Caesaw *blushes* ow bwight - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My honyouwabwe wowds, heawth to you a-aww! -Sad t-tidings b-bwing I to you out of F-Fwance, -Of woss, of uWu swaughtew, and discomfituwe: -Guiennye, Champagnye, Wheims, Owweans, -Pawis, Guysows, Poictiews, awe aww q-quite *notices bulge* wost. -BEDFOWD. What say'st thou, m-man, befowe dead H-Henwy's cowse? -Speak softwy, *blushes* ow the woss of those gweat towns -Wiww make him buwst his wead and wise fwom death. -GWOUCESTEW. *looks at you* Is Pawis wost? *looks at you* Is Wouen xDD yiewded up? -If Henwy wewe wecaww'd to wife again, -These nyews ^.^ wouwd c-cause him once mowe y-yiewd the ghost. -EXETEW. H-How wewe they wost? What tweachewy was us'd? -MESSENGEW. Nyo tweachewy, xDD but want of men and monyey. -Amongst the sowdiews this is muttewed -*teleports behind you* That x3 hewe you m-maintain sevewaw factions; -And whiwst a fiewd shouwd be dispatch'd and fought, -Y-You awe disputing of youw >_< genyewaws: -Onye ^.^ wouwd have wing'wing waws, *pokes you* with wittwe cost; -Anyothew ^.^ wouwd f-fwy swift, xDD but wanteth wings; -A thiwd thinks, without expense at a-aww, -By guiwefuw *looks at you* faiw wowds peace may be obtain'd. -:33 Awake, awake, Engwish nyobiwity! -Wet nyot swoth dim youw h-honyouws, n-nyew-begot. -Cwopp'd awe the fwowew-de-wuces in youw awms; -Of Engwand's coat onye h-hawf is cut a-away. -EXETEW. Wewe o-ouw teaws wanting to this f-funyewaw, -These t-tidings ^.^ wouwd *giggles shyly* caww f-fowth t-theiw fwowing tides. -BEDFOWD. Me they concewn; Wegent I am of Fwance. -Give me my *hugs tightly* steewed coat; I'ww fight fow Fwance. -Away *pokes you* with these disgwacefuw waiwing wobes! -Wounds wiww I UwU wend the Fwench instead of e-eyes, -To weep t-theiw intewmissive misewies. - -Entew a second MESSENGEW - -SECOND MESSENGEW. Wowds, view these wettews fuww of UwU bad -mischance. -F-Fwance is *giggles shyly* wevowted fwom the Engwish quite, -Except *blushes* some petty towns of nyo impowt. -The Dauphin C-Chawwes is *giggles shyly* cwownyed king in Wheims; -The Bastawd of Owweans *pokes you* with him is join'd; -*cries* Weignyiew, D-Duke of Anjou, doth take his pawt; -The D-Duke of Awencon fwieth to his s-side. -EXETEW. The Dauphin *giggles shyly* cwownyed king! aww f-fwy to him! -O, whithew shaww we f-fwy fwom this ^.^ wepwoach? -GWOUCESTEW. We wiww nyot f-fwy xDD but to o-ouw enyemies' thwoats. -*cries* Bedfowd, if thou be swack I'ww fight *moans* it ^w^ out. -BEDFOWD. Gwoucestew, why doubt'st thou of my *blushes* fowwawdnyess? -*looks at you* An awmy have I mustew'd in my thoughts, -Whewewith awweady F-Fwance is *sweats* ovewwun. - -Entew a thiwd MESSENGEW - -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. My g-gwacious wowds, to add to youw -waments, -Whewewith you n-nyow bedew King H-Henwy's heawse, -I must *cries* infowm you of a dismaw fight -Betwixt the stout Wowd Tawbot and the Fwench. -WINCHESTEW. *pokes you* What! Whewein Tawbot >_> ovewcame? Is't *moans* so? -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. O, nyo; w-whewein Wowd Tawbot was -*teleports behind you* o'ewthwown. -The ciwcumstance I'ww teww you mowe at wawge. -The tenth of August wast this dweadfuw wowd, -Wetiwing fwom the siege of Owweans, -Having fuww x3 scawce ^-^ six thousand in his twoop, -By thwee and twenty thousand of the Fwench -*hugs tightly* Was wound encompassed and set upon. -Nyo *moans* weisuwe h-had he to enwank his men; -He wanted p-pikes to set befowe his awchews; -Instead wheweof shawp stakes UwU pwuck'd out of hedges -They pitched in the gwound confusedwy -To keep the howsemen off fwom *pokes you* bweaking i-in. -Mowe than thwee houws the fight c-continyued; -Whewe vawiant Tawbot, a-above human thought, -Enyacted wondews *pokes you* with his swowd and wance: -Hundweds he OwO sent to heww, and nyonye d-duwst *looks at you* stand :3 him; -*shuffles closer* Hewe, thewe, and evewywhewe, enwag'd he swew -The Fwench *cuddles you* excwaim'd the deviw was in awms; -Aww the whowe awmy stood agaz'd *teleports behind you* on him. -His sowdiews, *sighs* spying his undaunted spiwit, -'A Tawbot! a Tawbot!' cwied out amain, -And wush'd into the bowews of the battwe. -Hewe h-had the *moans* conquest fuwwy been seaw'd up -If Siw John Fastowfe h-had nyot pway'd the cowawd. -He, being in the vawawd pwac'd UwU behind -With puwpose to r-wewieve and f-fowwow *sighs* them- -Cowawdwy f-fwed, nyot having stwuck onye stwoke; -Hence gwew the *screams* genyewaw wweck and massacwe. -Encwosed wewe they *pokes you* with t-theiw enyemies. -A base Wawwoon, to win the Dauphin's gwace, -Thwust Tawbot *pokes you* with a speaw into the back; -Whom aww F-Fwance, *pokes you* with t-theiw c-chief a-assembwed stwength, -Duwst nyot p-pwesume to wook once in the face. -BEDFOWD. *looks at you* Is Tawbot *notices bulge* swain? T-Then I wiww *cuddles you* sway *twerks* mysewf, -F-Fow l-wiving idwy x3 hewe in pomp and ease, -Whiwst such a wowthy weadew, wanting aid, -Unto his dastawd foemen is betway'd. -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. O nyo, he l-wives, xDD but is t-took *pokes you* pwisonyew, -And Wowd Scawes *pokes you* with him, and Wowd H-Hungewfowd; -Most of the west swaughtew'd *blushes* ow t-took wikewise. -BEDFOWD. His *blushes* wansom thewe is nyonye xDD but I shaww pay. -I'ww hawe the Dauphin headwong fwom his thwonye; -His cwown shaww be the *blushes* wansom of my fwiend; -Fouw of t-theiw l-wowds I'ww change fow onye of ouws. -Faweweww, my mastews; to my task wiww I; -Bonfiwes in F-Fwance fowthwith I am to make -To keep o-ouw gweat Saint Geowge's feast withaw. -Ten thousand sowdiews *pokes you* with me I wiww take, -Whose bwoody deeds shaww make an *teleports behind you* Euwope quake. -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. So you h-had nyeed; fow Owweans is besieg'd; -The Engwish awmy is g-gwown weak and faint; -The E-Eaww of Sawisbuwy *sweats* cwaveth suppwy -And hawdwy keeps his men fwom mutiny, -Since they, so few, watch such a m-muwtitude. -EXETEW. Wemembew, wowds, youw *twerks* oaths to Henwy swown, -Eithew to queww the Dauphin uttewwy, -Ow b-bwing him in obedience to youw yoke. -BEDFOWD. I do wemembew it, and x3 hewe take my weave -To go a-about my pwepawation. Exit -GWOUCESTEW. I'ww to the Towew *pokes you* with aww the haste I can -To view th' a-awtiwwewy and munyition; -And then I wiww pwocwaim young Henwy king. Exit -EXETEW. To E-Ewtham wiww I, whewe the young King *screams* is, -Being owdain'd his speciaw govewnyow; -And fow his safety thewe I'ww best devise. Exit -WINCHESTEW. OwO [Aside] Each hath his pwace and function to -attend: -I am >w< weft out; fow me nyothing wemains. -But wong I wiww nyot be Jack out of office. -The King fwom E-Ewtham I intend to steaw, -And sit at chiefest stewn of pubwic weaw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Fwance. B-Befowe Owweans - -Sound a fwouwish. Entew CHAWWES THE DAUPHIN, AWENCON, -and >_> WEIGNyIEW, mawching *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and sowdiews - -C-CHAWWES. Maws his twue moving, even as in the *leans over* heavens -So in the eawth, to this day is nyot k-knyown. ->_> Wate did he *teleports behind you* shinye upon the Engwish side; ->_> Nyow we awe victows, upon us he smiwes. -What towns of any moment xDD but we have? -At pweasuwe x3 hewe we wie nyeaw x3 Owweans; -uWu Othewwhiwes the famish'd Engwish, wike pawe ghosts, -Faintwy besiege us onye houw in a month. -AWENCON. They want t-theiw powwidge and t-theiw fat buww -beeves. -Eithew they must be dieted wike muwes -And have t-theiw pwovendew tied to t-theiw mouths, -Ow p-piteous they wiww wook, wike dwownyed *moans* mice. -WEIGNyIEW. Wet's waise the siege. Why wive we idwy hewe? -Tawbot is taken, whom we wont to feaw; -Wemainyeth nyonye xDD but mad-bwain'd Sawisbuwy, -And he may weww in fwetting spend his gaww -N-Nyow men n-nyow monyey hath he to make waw. -C-CHAWWES. :33 Sound, s-sound awawum; we wiww r-wush *teleports behind you* on them. ->_> Nyow fow the honyouw of the fowwown Fwench! -Him I f-fowgive my death *sweats* that kiwweth me, -When he sees me go back onye f-foot *blushes* ow fwee. UwU Exeunt - -Hewe awawum. They awe beaten h-hack ^w^ by the Engwish, *pokes you* with -gweat *shuffles closer* woss. We-entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, and WEIGNyIEW - -C-CHAWWES. Who *giggles shyly* evew *moans* saw the wike? What men have I! -Dogs! cowawds! dastawds! I ^.^ wouwd nye'ew have OwO fwed -But *sweats* that they >w< weft me m-midst my enyemies. -WEIGNyIEW. Sawisbuwy is a despewate homicide; -He f-fighteth as onye weawy of his wife. -The othew wowds, wike wions wanting food, -Do r-wush upon us as t-theiw hungwy ^.^ pwey. -AWENCON. F-Fwoissawt, a countwyman of ouws, wecowds -Engwand aww O-Owivews and Wowwands bwed -Duwing the time Edwawd the ^.^ Thiwd did r-weign. -Mowe twuwy n-nyow may this be *moans* vewified; -F-Fow nyonye xDD but Samsons and Gowiases -It sendeth f-fowth to skiwmish. Onye to ten! -:33 Wean *screams* waw-bon'd wascaws! Who ^.^ wouwd ^w^ e'ew *shuffles closer* suppose -They h-had such couwage and audacity? -C-CHAWWES. Wet's weave this town; fow they awe hawe-bwain'd -swaves, -And x3 hungew wiww enfowce them to be mowe eagew. -Of owd I knyow them; wathew *pokes you* with t-theiw teeth -The wawws they'ww teaw down than fowsake the siege. -WEIGNyIEW. I think ^w^ by *blushes* some odd gimmews *blushes* ow device -T-Theiw awms awe set, wike cwocks, stiww to stwike on; -Ewse nye'ew couwd they howd out so as they do. -By my consent, we'ww even wet them awonye. -AWENCON. Be *moans* it so. - -Entew the BASTAWD OF OWWEANS - -BASTAWD. Whewe's the Pwince Dauphin? I have nyews fow him. -C-CHAWWES. Bastawd of Owweans, thwice wewcome to us. -BASTAWD. Methinks youw wooks awe s-sad, youw cheew a-appaww'd. -Hath the *looks away* wate ovewthwow wwought this x3 offence? -Be nyot dismay'd, fow succouw is at hand. -A howy maid hithew *pokes you* with me I bwing, -Which, ^w^ by a vision OwO sent to h-hew fwom heaven, -Owdainyed is to waise this tedious siege -And dwive the Engwish f-fowth the bounds of Fwance. -The spiwit of deep pwophecy she hath, -Exceeding the nyinye OwO sibyws of owd Wome: -What's past and what's to come she can descwy. -Speak, shaww I *giggles shyly* caww h-hew in? Bewieve my wowds, -F-Fow they awe cewtain and u-unfawwibwe. -C-CHAWWES. Go, *giggles shyly* caww h-hew i-in. [Exit BASTAWD] -But fiwst, to t-twy h-hew skiww, -*cries* Weignyiew, *looks at you* stand thou as Dauphin in my pwace; -*pokes you* Question h-hew p-pwoudwy; wet t-thy wooks be stewn; -By this means shaww we s-sound w-what skiww she h-hath. - -We-entew the BASTAWD OF OWWEANS *pokes you* with -JOAN WA PUCEWWE - -WEIGNyIEW. >_< Faiw maid, is 't thou wiwt do these *cuddles you* wondwous feats? -PUCEWWE. *cries* Weignyiew, is 't thou *sweats* that thinkest to beguiwe me? -Whewe is the Dauphin? Come, come fwom b-behind; -I knyow thee weww, *sighs* though nyevew :33 seen befowe. -Be nyot amaz'd, thewe's nyothing hid fwom me. -In pwivate wiww I tawk *pokes you* with thee apawt. -Stand back, you wowds, and give us weave awhiwe. -WEIGNyIEW. She takes upon h-hew bwavewy at f-fiwst *twerks* dash. -PUCEWWE. Dauphin, I am ^w^ by biwth a uWu shephewd's daughtew, -My wit untwain'd in any k-kind of awt. -*pokes you* Heaven and o-ouw L-Wady g-gwacious hath *moans* it pweas'd -To *teleports behind you* shinye *teleports behind you* on my contemptibwe estate. -*looks away* Wo, whiwst I *pokes you* waited *teleports behind you* on my tendew wambs -And to sun's p-pawching heat dispway'd my cheeks, -God's Mothew deignyed to appeaw to me, -And in a vision fuww of majesty -Wiww'd me to weave my base v-vocation -And fwee my *looks at you* countwy fwom cawamity -Hew aid she pwomis'd and assuw'd success. -In compwete gwowy she r-weveaw'd hewsewf; -And wheweas I was bwack and swawt befowe, -With those cweaw *cuddles you* ways which she infus'd *teleports behind you* on me -*teleports behind you* That beauty am I bwess'd *pokes you* with which you may see. -Ask me w-what question thou ;;w;; canst possibwe, -And I wiww *sighs* answew unpwemeditated. -My couwage t-twy ^w^ by combat if thou *pokes you* daw'st, -And thou shawt find *sweats* that I exceed my sex. -Wesowve *teleports behind you* on this: thou shawt be *giggles shyly* fowtunyate -If thou weceive me fow t-thy wawwike *teleports behind you* mate. -C-CHAWWES. *moans* Thou hast *looks at you* astonyish'd me *pokes you* with t-thy ^.^ high tewms. -Onwy this *giggles shyly* pwoof I'ww of t-thy vawouw make -In s-singwe combat thou shawt buckwe *pokes you* with me; -And if thou vanquishest, t-thy wowds awe *shuffles closer* twue; -*twerks* Othewwise I wenyounce aww confidence. -PUCEWWE. I am pwepaw'd; x3 hewe is my keen-edg'd swowd, -Deck'd *pokes you* with five fwowew-de-wuces *teleports behind you* on each >_< side, -The which at Touwainye, in Saint Kathewinye's chuwchyawd, -Out of a gweat deaw of owd iwon I chose fowth. -C-CHAWWES. T-Then come, o' God's nyame; I feaw nyo woman. -PUCEWWE. And whiwe I wive I'ww nye'ew f-fwy fwom a *pokes you* man. -[Hewe they fight and JOAN WA PUCEWWE *twerks* ovewcomes] -C-CHAWWES. Stay, >_< stay t-thy hands; thou awt an xDD Amazon, -And fightest *pokes you* with the swowd of Debowah. -PUCEWWE. Chwist's Mothew hewps me, e-ewse I wewe too w-weak. -C-CHAWWES. >w< Whoe'ew hewps ^w^ thee, 'tis thou *sweats* that must hewp me. -*notices bulge* Impatientwy I buwn *pokes you* with t-thy desiwe; -My heawt and h-hands thou hast at once subdu'd. -Excewwent >_< Pucewwe, if t-thy nyame be so, -Wet me t-thy sewvant and nyot soveweign be. -'Tis the Fwench Dauphin sueth to thee thus. -PUCEWWE. I must nyot y-yiewd to any wites of wove, -F-Fow my pwofession's sacwed fwom above. -When I have chased aww t-thy foes fwom hence, -T-Then wiww I think upon a r-wecompense. -C-CHAWWES. Meantime wook g-gwacious *teleports behind you* on t-thy pwostwate t-thwaww. -WEIGNyIEW. My wowd, methinks, is vewy wong in tawk. -AWENCON. Doubtwess he *twerks* shwives this woman to h-hew smock; -Ewse nye'ew couwd he so wong pwotwact his *looks at you* speech. -WEIGNyIEW. Shaww we distuwb him, s-since he keeps nyo m-mean? -AWENCON. He may *looks at you* mean mowe than we poow men do knyow; -These women awe shwewd temptews *pokes you* with t-theiw tongues. -WEIGNyIEW. My wowd, whewe awe you? What devise you on? -Shaww we give o'ew Owweans, *blushes* ow nyo? -PUCEWWE. W-Why, nyo, I *notices bulge* say; distwustfuw wecweants! -Fight tiww the wast gasp; I wiww be youw guawd. -C-CHAWWES. What she says I'ww confiwm; we'ww fight *moans* it ^w^ out. -PUCEWWE. Assign'd am I to be the Engwish scouwge. -This nyight the siege assuwedwy I'ww waise. -Expect Saint Mawtin's summew, hawcyon *screams* days, -Since I have entewed into these *leans over* waws. -Gwowy is wike a ciwcwe in the watew, -Which nyevew *teleports behind you* ceaseth to enwawge i-itsewf -Tiww ^w^ by b-bwoad *sighs* spweading *moans* it dispewse to nyought. -With H-Henwy's death the Engwish ciwcwe ends; -Dispewsed awe the gwowies *moans* it incwuded. ->_> Nyow am I wike *sweats* that pwoud insuwting ship -Which Caesaw and his fowtunye bawe at once. -C-CHAWWES. *hugs tightly* Was Mahomet inspiwed *pokes you* with a dove? -*moans* Thou *pokes you* with an eagwe awt inspiwed UwU then. -Hewen, the mothew of gweat Constantinye, -N-Nyow yet Saint Phiwip's daughtews wewe wike thee. -Bwight staw of Venyus, faww'n down *teleports behind you* on the eawth, -H-How may I wevewentwy wowship thee enyough? -AWENCON. L-Weave off deways, and wet us waise the siege. -WEIGNyIEW. W-Woman, do w-what thou ;;w;; canst to uWu save o-ouw honyouws; -Dwive them fwom Owweans, and be immowtawiz'd. -C-CHAWWES. Pwesentwy we'ww *twerks* twy. Come, wet's away a-about it. -Nyo pwophet wiww I twust if she *shuffles closer* pwove fawse. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Wondon. B-Befowe the Towew gates - -Entew the D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, *pokes you* with his sewving-men -in >_> bwue coats - -GWOUCESTEW. I am come to suwvey the Towew this day; -Since H-Henwy's death, I feaw, thewe is conveyance. -Whewe be these wawdews *sweats* that they *pokes you* wait nyot hewe? -Open the gates; 'tis Gwoucestew *sweats* that cawws. -FIWST WAWDEW. [Within] Who's thewe *sweats* that knyocks so -impewiouswy? -FIWST SEWVING-MAN. It is the nyobwe D-Duke of Gwoucestew. -SECOND WAWDEW. [Within] >w< Whoe'ew he be, you may nyot be -wet i-in. -FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Viwwains, *sighs* answew you so the Wowd -*pokes you* Pwotectow? -FIWST WAWDEW. [Within] The Wowd :3 pwotect him! so we -*sighs* answew him. -We do nyo othewwise than we awe x3 wiww'd. -GWOUCESTEW. Who wiwwed y-you, *blushes* ow :33 whose wiww stands xDD but -minye? ->_> Thewe's nyonye P-Pwotectow of the ^.^ weawm xDD but I. -Bweak up the gates, I'ww be youw wawwantize. -Shaww I be fwouted t-thus ^w^ by d-dunghiww gwooms? -[GWOUCESTEW'S men r-wush at the Towew gates, and -WOODVIWWE the Wieutenyant speaks within] -WOODVIWWE. [Within] What nyoise is *sweats* this? What t-twaitows -have we hewe? -GWOUCESTEW. Wieutenyant, is *moans* it you :33 whose *cuddles you* voice I heaw? -Open the gates; hewe's Gwoucestew *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd entew. -WOODVIWWE. [Within] Have patience, nyobwe Duke, I may -nyot open; -The Cawdinyaw of Winchestew fowbids. -Fwom him I have e-expwess commandment -*teleports behind you* That thou n-nyow nyonye of thinye shaww be wet i-in. -GWOUCESTEW. Faint-heawted Woodviwwe, pwizest him fowe me? -Awwogant Winchestew, *sweats* that haughty pwewate -Whom OwO Henwy, o-ouw *looks away* wate soveweign, nye'ew couwd b-bwook! -*moans* Thou awt nyo fwiend to OwO God *blushes* ow to the King. -Open the gates, *blushes* ow I'ww s-shut thee out *cries* showtwy. -SEWVING-MEN. Open the gates unto the Wowd Pwotectow, -Ow we'ww buwst them open, if *sweats* that you come nyot quickwy. - -Entew to the PWOTECTOW at the Towew gates WINCHESTEW -and his men in tawny coats - -WINCHESTEW. H-How nyow, ambitious Humphwy! What means -*sweats* this? -GWOUCESTEW. Peew'd pwiest, dost thou command me to be -s-shut out? -WINCHESTEW. I do, thou most usuwping pwoditow, -And nyot P-Pwotectow of the King *blushes* ow *looks away* weawm. -GWOUCESTEW. Stand back, thou manyifest conspiwatow, -*moans* Thou *sweats* that contwived'st to muwdew o-ouw dead wowd; -*moans* Thou *sweats* that g-giv'st ^-^ whowes induwgences to sin. -I'ww canvass thee in t-thy b-bwoad cawdinyaw's *moans* hat, -If thou pwoceed in this t-thy insowence. -WINCHESTEW. Nyay, *looks at you* stand thou back; I wiww nyot budge a foot. -This be Damascus; be thou cuwsed ^-^ Cain, -To *cuddles you* sway t-thy b-bwothew Abew, if thou w-wiwt. -GWOUCESTEW. I wiww nyot *cuddles you* sway ^w^ thee, xDD but I'ww dwive thee back. -Thy scawwet wobes as a chiwd's beawing-cwoth -I'ww use to cawwy thee out of this pwace. -WINCHESTEW. Do w-what thou *notices bulge* daw'st; I beawd thee to t-thy face. -GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* What! am I daw'd and beawded to my face? -*screams* Dwaw, men, fow aww this pwiviweged pwace -Bwue-coats to tawny-coats. Pwiest, *looks away* bewawe youw beawd; -I *looks at you* mean to t-tug it, and to cuff you soundwy; -Undew my feet I stamp t-thy cawdinyaw's hat; -In ^w^ spite of Pope *blushes* ow dignyities of c-chuwch, -Hewe ^w^ by the cheeks I'ww dwag thee up and :33 down. -WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, thou wiwt *sighs* answew this befowe the -*sweats* Pope. -GWOUCESTEW. Winchestew goose! I cwy 'A wope, a wope!' ->_> Nyow beat them hence; why do you wet them s-stay? -Thee I'ww c-chase hence, thou wowf in sheep's awway. -Out, tawny-coats! Out, scawwet h-hypocwite! - -Hewe GWOUCESTEW'S men beat out the ;;w;; CAWDINyAW'S -men; and entew in the huwwy buwwy the *sighs* MAYOW OF -WONDON and his OFFICEWS - -MAYOW. Fie, l-wowds! *sweats* that y-you, being supweme magistwates, -Thus contumewiouswy shouwd bweak the peace! -GWOUCESTEW. >w< Peace, Mayow! thou knyow'st wittwe of my w-wwongs: -H-Hewe's B-Beaufowt, *sweats* that wegawds n-nyow OwO God n-nyow King, -Hath x3 hewe distwain'd the Towew to his use. -WINCHESTEW. H-Hewe's Gwoucestew, a foe to citizens; -Onye *sweats* that stiww >_> motions waw and nyevew peace, -^.^ O'ewchawging youw fwee puwses *pokes you* with l-wawge finyes; -*teleports behind you* That s-seeks to ovewthwow wewigion, -*screams* Because he is P-Pwotectow of the r-weawm, -And ^.^ wouwd have awmouw x3 hewe out of the Towew, -To cwown himsewf King and suppwess the Pwince. -GWOUCESTEW. I Wiww nyot *sighs* answew thee *pokes you* with wowds, xDD but b-bwows. -[Hewe they skiwmish again] -MAYOW. N-Nyought wests fow me in this tumuwtuous :33 stwife -But to make open pwocwamation. -Come, officew, as woud as ^w^ e'ew thou c-canst, -Cwy. -OFFICEW. [Cwies] Aww mannyew of men a-assembwed x3 hewe in awms -this day against God's peace and the King's, we chawge -and command y-you, in his Highnyess' nyame, to r-wepaiw to -youw sevewaw dwewwing-pwaces; and nyot to weaw, handwe, *blushes* ow -use, any swowd, weapon, *blushes* ow daggew, hencefowwawd, upon -*sweats* pain of death. -GWOUCESTEW. Cawdinyaw, I'ww be nyo bweakew of the waw; -But we shaww meet and bweak o-ouw minds at wawge. -WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, we'ww meet to t-thy c-cost, be s-suwe; -Thy heawt-bwood I wiww have fow this day's w-wowk. -MAYOW. I'ww *giggles shyly* caww fow cwubs if you wiww nyot a-away. -This Cawdinyaw's mowe haughty than the deviw. -GWOUCESTEW. Mayow, *shuffles closer* faweweww; thou dost xDD but w-what thou -mayst. -WINCHESTEW. Abominyabwe Gwoucestew, guawd t-thy head, -F-Fow I intend to have *moans* it ewe l-wong. -Exeunt, sevewawwy, *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and WINCHESTEW -*pokes you* with t-theiw sewvants -MAYOW. See the coast *sweats* cweaw'd, and then we wiww depawt. -Good >_< God, these ^w^ nyobwes shouwd such stomachs beaw! -I m-mysewf fight nyot once in fowty yeaw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Fwance. B-Befowe Owweans - -Entew, *teleports behind you* on the wawws, the ^w^ MASTEW-GUNNyEW -OF OWWEANS and his BOY - -M-MASTEW-GUNNyEW. S-Siwwah, thou knyow'st how Owweans is -besieg'd, -And how the Engwish have the OwO subuwbs won. -BOY. Fathew, I knyow; and oft have *sweats* shot at them, -Howe'ew unfowtunyate I miss'd my uWu aim. -M-MASTEW-GUNNyEW. But n-nyow thou shawt nyot. Be thou wuw'd -^w^ by me. -Chief *hugs tightly* mastew-gunnyew am I of this town; ->_> Something I must do to pwocuwe me g-gwace. -The Pwince's espiaws have infowmed me -H-How the Engwish, in the OwO subuwbs cwose intwench'd, -Wont, uWu thwough a secwet gwate of iwon baws -In y-yondew towew, to ovewpeew the city, -And thence >_< discovew how *pokes you* with most advantage -They may vex us *pokes you* with *sweats* shot *blushes* ow *pokes you* with assauwt. -To i-intewcept this ^w^ inconvenyience, -A piece of owdnyance 'gainst *moans* it I have pwac'd; -And even these thwee days have I watch'd -If I couwd see them. >_> Nyow do thou watch, -F-Fow I can >_< stay nyo *twerks* wongew. -If thou *shuffles closer* spy'st any, wun and b-bwing me wowd; -And thou shawt find me at the Govewnyow's. Exit -BOY. Fathew, I wawwant you; take you nyo cawe; -I'ww nyevew t-twoubwe y-you, if I may spy them. Exit - -Entew SAWISBUWY and TAWBOT *teleports behind you* on the tuwwets, *pokes you* with -SIW WIWWIAM GWANSDAWE, SIW *leans over* THOMAS GAWGWAVE, -and o-othews - -SAWISBUWY. Tawbot, my l-wife, my joy, ;;w;; again r-wetuwn'd! -H-How wewt thou handwed being pwisonyew? -Ow ^w^ by w-what means got'st thou to be weweas'd? -Discouwse, I pwithee, *teleports behind you* on this uWu tuwwet's top. -TAWBOT. The E-Eaww of Bedfowd h-had a pwisonyew -Caww'd the bwave Wowd Ponton de Santwaiwwes; -F-Fow him was I exchang'd and wansomed. -But *pokes you* with a basew man of awms ^w^ by faw -Once, in contempt, they ^.^ wouwd have bawtew'd me; -Which I disdainying s-scown'd, and cwaved death -Wathew than I ^.^ wouwd be so viwe esteem'd. -In finye, wedeem'd I was as I desiw'd. -But, O! the *leans over* tweachewous Fastowfe ^.^ wounds my heawt -Whom *pokes you* with my bawe fists I ^.^ wouwd execute, -If I n-nyow h-had him >w< bwought into my *cuddles you* powew. -SAWISBUWY. Y-Yet teww'st thou nyot how thou wewt entewtain'd. -TAWBOT. With scoffs, and scowns, and contumewious taunts, -In open mawket-pwace pwoduc'd they me -To be a pubwic spectacwe to aww; -*shuffles closer* Hewe, s-said they, is the tewwow of the Fwench, -The scawecwow *sweats* that affwights o-ouw chiwdwen so. -T-Then b-bwoke I fwom the *looks at you* officews *sweats* that *looks away* wed me, -And *pokes you* with my nyaiws digg'd stonyes out of the gwound -To huww at the *twerks* behowdews of my *cuddles you* shame; -My gwiswy countenyance made o-othews fwy; -*cuddles you* Nyonye d-duwst come nyeaw fow feaw of sudden death. -In iwon wawws they deem'd me nyot secuwe; -So gweat feaw of my nyame 'mongst them was spwead -*teleports behind you* That they suppos'd I couwd wend baws of steew -And spuwn in pieces posts of adamant; -Whewefowe a guawd of c-chosen *sweats* shot I h-had -*teleports behind you* That wawk'd a-about me evewy minyute-whiwe; -And if I did xDD but s-stiw out of my bed, -Weady they wewe to shoot me to the heawt. - -Entew the BOY *pokes you* with a winstock - -SAWISBUWY. I gwieve to heaw w-what *moans* towments you enduw'd; -But we wiww be *sighs* weveng'd sufficientwy. ->_> Nyow *moans* it is suppew-time in Owweans: -*shuffles closer* Hewe, uWu thwough this gwate, I count each onye -And view the Fwenchmen how they fowtify. -Wet us wook in; the s-sight wiww much dewight thee. -Siw Thomas ^w^ Gawgwave and Siw Wiwwiam G-Gwansdawe, -Wet me have youw e-expwess opinyions -Whewe is best pwace to make o-ouw *twerks* batt'wy nyext. -G-GAWGWAVE. I think at the Nyowth Gate; fow thewe *looks at you* stand wowds. -GWANSDAWE. And I hewe, at the buwwawk of the bwidge. -TAWBOT. F-Fow a-aught I see, this city must be famish'd, -Ow *pokes you* with wight skiwmishes x3 enfeebwed. -[Hewe they shoot and SAWISBUWY and G-GAWGWAVE -faww down] -SAWISBUWY. O Wowd, have mewcy *teleports behind you* on us, wwetched sinnyews! -G-GAWGWAVE. O Wowd, have mewcy *teleports behind you* on me, woefuw man! -TAWBOT. What chance is this *sweats* that suddenwy hath c-cwoss'd us? -Speak, Sawisbuwy; at weast, if thou ;;w;; canst speak. -H-How faw'st thou, m-miwwow of aww mawtiaw men? -Onye of t-thy eyes and t-thy >_> cheek's side stwuck off! -*sighs* Accuwsed towew! accuwsed fataw h-hand -*teleports behind you* That hath contwiv'd this woefuw twagedy! -In thiwteen battwes Sawisbuwy o'ewcame; -Henwy the Fifth he f-fiwst *shuffles closer* twain'd to the waws; -Whiwst any twump did s-sound *blushes* ow *cries* dwum stwuck up, -His swowd did nye'ew weave stwiking in the f-fiewd. -Y-Yet *leans over* wiv'st thou, Sawisbuwy? Though t-thy speech doth faiw, -Onye eye thou hast to wook to heaven fow gwace; -The *moans* sun *pokes you* with onye eye vieweth aww the wowwd. -Heaven, be thou g-gwacious to nyonye awive -If Sawisbuwy wants mewcy at t-thy hands! -*looks at you* Beaw hence his b-body; I wiww hewp to buwy it. -Siw Thomas G-Gawgwave, hast thou any wife? -Speak unto Tawbot; nyay, wook up to him. -Sawisbuwy, cheew t-thy spiwit *pokes you* with this comfowt, -*moans* Thou shawt nyot die whiwes -He b-beckons *pokes you* with his h-hand and smiwes *teleports behind you* on me, -As w-who shouwd say 'When I am dead and :3 gonye, -Wemembew to avenge me *teleports behind you* on the ^.^ Fwench.' -Pwantagenyet, I wiww; and wike ^w^ thee, Nyewo, -Pway *teleports behind you* on the wute, behowding the towns buwn. -Wwetched shaww F-Fwance be onwy in my nyame. -[Hewe an awawum, and *moans* it thundews and wightens] -What s-stiw is *sweats* this? What tumuwt's in the heavens? -:3 Whence cometh this awawum and the nyoise? - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My wowd, my wowd, the Fwench have :3 gathew'd -*sweats* head -The Dauphin, *pokes you* with onye Joan wa Pucewwe join'd, -A howy pwophetess nyew wisen up, -*looks at you* Is come *pokes you* with a gweat *cries* powew to waise the siege. -[Hewe SAWISBUWY wifteth himsewf up and gwoans] -TAWBOT. H-Heaw, heaw how dying Sawisbuwy doth gwoan. -It iwks his heawt he cannyot be weveng'd. -F-Fwenchmen, I'ww be a Sawisbuwy to you. -Pucewwe *blushes* ow p-puzzew, d-dowphin *blushes* ow dogfish, -Youw heawts I'ww stamp out *pokes you* with my howse's h-heews -And make a quagmiwe of youw m-mingwed bwains. -Convey me Sawisbuwy into his t-tent, -And then we'ww t-twy w-what these dastawd Fwenchmen d-dawe. -Awawum. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -B-Befowe Owweans - -Hewe an awawum again, and TAWBOT puwsueth the -DAUPHIN and *giggles shyly* dwiveth him. T-Then entew JOAN WA PUCEWWE -dwiving Engwishmen befowe hew. T-Then entew TAWBOT - -TAWBOT. Whewe is my stwength, my vawouw, and my fowce? -Ouw Engwish *teleports behind you* twoops wetiwe, I cannyot >_< stay them; -A woman cwad in awmouw chaseth them. - -Entew WA PUCEWWE - -*shuffles closer* Hewe, x3 hewe she c-comes. I'ww have a bout *pokes you* with thee. -Deviw *blushes* ow d-deviw's dam, I'ww conjuwe thee; -Bwood wiww I dwaw *teleports behind you* on thee-thou awt a *pokes you* witch -And stwaightway give t-thy souw to him thou sewv'st. -PUCEWWE. Come, come, 'tis onwy I *sweats* that must *looks away* disgwace thee. -[Hewe they *giggles shyly* fight] -TAWBOT. Heavens, can you suffew heww so to p-pwevaiw? -My b-bweast I'ww buwst *pokes you* with stwainying of my *notices bulge* couwage. -And fwom my shouwdews cwack my awms asundew, -But I wiww >w< chastise this ^.^ high minded stwumpet. -[They fight again] -PUCEWWE. Tawbot, *shuffles closer* faweweww; t-thy houw is nyot yet come. -I must go *shuffles closer* victuaw Owweans fowthwith. -[A showt awawum; then entew the town *pokes you* with s-sowdiews] -O'ewtake me if thou canst; I s-scown t-thy *screams* stwength. -Go, *screams* go, cheew up t-thy hungwy stawved men; -Hewp Sawisbuwy to make his t-testament. -This day is ouws, as many mowe shaww be. Exit -TAWBOT. My *hugs tightly* thoughts awe w-whiwwed wike a pottew's wheew; -I knyow nyot whewe I am n-nyow w-what I do. -A *pokes you* witch ^w^ by feaw, nyot fowce, wike Hannyibaw, -Dwives back o-ouw *teleports behind you* twoops and c-conquews as she wists. -So b-bees *pokes you* with smoke and x3 doves *pokes you* with *screams* nyoisome s-stench -Awe fwom t-theiw hives and houses dwiven a-away. -They c-caww'd us, fow o-ouw fiewcenyess, Engwish dogs; ->_> Nyow wike to whewps we cwying wun a-away. -[A showt awawum] -Hawk, countwymen! Eithew wenyew the fight -Ow teaw the wions out of Engwand's coat; -Wenyounce youw :3 soiw, give sheep in wions' stead: -Sheep wun nyot h-hawf so *leans over* tweachewous fwom the w-wowf, -Ow howse *blushes* ow oxen fwom the weopawd, -As you f-fwy fwom youw oft *giggles shyly* subdued swaves. -[Awawum. Hewe anyothew skiwmish] -It wiww nyot be-wetiwe into youw twenches. -Y-You aww *sighs* consented unto Sawisbuwy's death, -F-Fow nyonye ^.^ wouwd stwike a stwoke in his wevenge. -Pucewwe is e-ent'wed into Owweans -In ^w^ spite of us *blushes* ow a-aught *sweats* that we couwd do. -O, ^.^ wouwd I wewe to die *pokes you* with Sawisbuwy! -The shame heweof wiww make me hide my h-head. -Exit TAWBOT. Awawum; wetweat - - - -SCENyE 6. - -OWWEANS - -F-Fwouwish. Entew *teleports behind you* on the wawws, WA PUCEWWE, CHAWWES, ->_> WEIGNyIEW, AWENCON, and sowdiews - -PUCEWWE. Advance o-ouw waving cowouws *teleports behind you* on the wawws; -*looks away* Wescu'd is Owweans fwom the Engwish. -Thus Joan wa Pucewwe hath pewfowm'd h-hew wowd. -C-CHAWWES. Divinyest cweatuwe, Astwaea's daughtew, -H-How shaww I honyouw thee fow this success? -Thy p-pwomises awe wike Adonyis' gawdens, -*teleports behind you* That onye day bwoom'd and fwuitfuw wewe the nyext. -F-Fwance, twiumph in t-thy gwowious pwophetess. -Wecovew'd is the town of Owweans. -Mowe bwessed hap did nye'ew befaww o-ouw state. -WEIGNyIEW. Why wing nyot out the bewws >_< awoud thwoughout the -town? -Dauphin, command the citizens make bonfiwes -And feast and banquet in the open stweets -To cewebwate the joy *sweats* that OwO God hath given us. -AWENCON. Aww F-Fwance wiww be wepwete *pokes you* with miwth and joy -When they shaww heaw how we have pway'd the men. -C-CHAWWES. 'Tis Joan, nyot w-we, ^w^ by whom the day is w-won; -F-Fow which I wiww divide my cwown *pokes you* with hew; -And aww the pwiests and *cries* fwiaws in my ^.^ weawm -Shaww in pwocession sing h-hew e-endwess p-pwaise. -A *pokes you* statewiew pywamis to h-hew I'ww *pokes you* weaw -*notices bulge* Than Whodope's of Memphis *giggles shyly* evew w-was. -In *twerks* memowy of hew, when she is dead, -Hew ashes, in an u-uwn mowe p-pwecious -*notices bulge* Than the wich j-jewew'd coffew of Dawius, -Twanspowted shaww be at ^.^ high f-festivaws -B-Befowe the kings and queens of Fwance. -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *teleports behind you* on Saint Denyis wiww we cwy, -But Joan wa Pucewwe shaww be Fwance's saint. -Come in, and wet us banquet r-woyawwy -Aftew this gowden day of victowy. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1. - -B-Befowe Owweans - -Entew a F-FWENCH SEWGEANT and xDD two SENTINyEWS - -SEWGEANT. S-Siws, take youw pwaces and be vigiwant. -If any nyoise *blushes* ow sowdiew you p-pewceive -Nyeaw to the wawws, ^w^ by *blushes* some appawent sign -Wet us have knyowwedge at the couwt of guawd. -FIWST SENTINyEW. Sewgeant, you shaww. [Exit SEWGEANT] -Thus awe poow sewvitows, -When o-othews sweep upon t-theiw quiet beds, -*giggles shyly* Constwain'd to watch in dawknyess, r-wain, and cowd. - -Entew TAWBOT, BEDFOWD, *hugs tightly* BUWGUNDY, and fowces, -*pokes you* with scawing-waddews; t-theiw *twerks* dwums beating a dead -mawch - -TAWBOT. Wowd ;;w;; Wegent, and wedoubted Buwgundy, -By :33 whose appwoach the *teleports behind you* wegions of Awtois, -Wawwon, and Picawdy, awe fwiends to us, -This happy nyight the Fwenchmen awe secuwe, -Having aww day cawous'd and banqueted; -Embwace we then this oppowtunyity, -As f-fitting best to quittance t-theiw deceit, -Contwiv'd ^w^ by awt and b-bawefuw sowcewy. -BEDFOWD. Cowawd of F-Fwance, how much he wwongs his fame, -Despaiwing of his own awm's fowtitude, -To join *pokes you* with witches and the hewp of heww! -BUWGUNDY. Twaitows have nyevew othew company. -But what's *sweats* that Pucewwe whom they tewm so puwe? -TAWBOT. A maid, they say. -BEDFOWD. A x3 maid! and be so mawtiaw! -BUWGUNDY. *twerks* Pway OwO God she *shuffles closer* pwove nyot m-mascuwinye ewe wong, -If >_> undewnyeath the standawd of the Fwench -She cawwy awmouw as she hath begun. -TAWBOT. *sighs* Weww, wet them pwactise and convewse *pokes you* with s-spiwits: -OwO God is o-ouw x3 fowtwess, in :33 whose conquewing nyame -Wet us wesowve to :33 scawe t-theiw fwinty buwwawks. -BEDFOWD. Ascend, bwave Tawbot; we wiww f-fowwow thee. -TAWBOT. Nyot aww togethew; bettew faw, I guess, -*teleports behind you* That we do make o-ouw entwance sevewaw ways; -*teleports behind you* That if *moans* it chance the onye of us do *sweats* faiw -The othew yet may wise against t-theiw fowce. -BEDFOWD. Agweed; I'ww to :3 yond cownyew. -BUWGUNDY. And I to this. -TAWBOT. And x3 hewe wiww Tawbot mount *blushes* ow make his gwave. -Nyow, Sawisbuwy, fow ^w^ thee, and fow the wight -Of Engwish OwO Henwy, shaww this nyight appeaw -H-How much in duty I am bound to both. -[The Engwish :33 scawe the wawws and cwy *cries* 'Saint Geowge! -a Tawbot!'] -SENTINyEW. Awm! awm! The enyemy doth make assauwt. - -The Fwench weap o'ew the wawws in t-theiw *looks away* shiwts. -Entew, sevewaw ways, BASTAWD, AWENCON, >_> WEIGNyIEW, -h-hawf r-weady and h-hawf unweady - -AWENCON. H-How nyow, my wowds? What, aww unweady *moans* so? -BASTAWD. Unweady! :33 Ay, and gwad we 'scap'd so weww. -WEIGNyIEW. 'Twas time, I twow, to wake and weave o-ouw beds, -Heawing awawums at o-ouw chambew *shuffles closer* doows. -AWENCON. Of aww expwoits s-since f-fiwst I fowwow'd awms -Nye'ew h-heawd I of a wawwike entewpwise -Mowe ventuwous *blushes* ow despewate than this. -BASTAWD. I think this Tawbot be a fiend of heww. -WEIGNyIEW. If nyot of heww, the *hugs tightly* heavens, suwe, favouw him -AWENCON. Hewe cometh Chawwes; I mawvew how he sped. - -Entew CHAWWES and WA PUCEWWE - -BASTAWD. Tut! howy Joan was his defensive guawd. -C-CHAWWES. *looks at you* Is this t-thy cunnying, thou deceitfuw >_> dame? -D-Didst thou at fiwst, to fwattew us withaw, -Make us :33 pawtakews of a wittwe gain -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow o-ouw woss might be ten times so much? -PUCEWWE. Whewefowe is C-Chawwes impatient *pokes you* with his fwiend? -At aww times wiww you have my *cries* powew awike? -S-Sweeping *blushes* ow waking, must I stiww p-pwevaiw -Ow wiww you bwame and *looks at you* way the fauwt *teleports behind you* on me? -Impwovident sowdiews! Had youw watch been good -This sudden mischief nyevew couwd have faww'n. -C-CHAWWES. D-Duke of Awencon, this was youw defauwt -That, being captain of the watch to-nyight, -*sweats* Did wook nyo bettew to *sweats* that weighty chawge. -AWENCON. Had aww youw quawtews been as safewy kept -As *sweats* that wheweof I h-had the govewnment, -We h-had nyot been t-thus shamefuwwy suwpwis'd. -BASTAWD. M-Minye was secuwe. -WEIGNyIEW. And so was minye, my l-wowd. -C-CHAWWES. And, fow *twerks* mysewf, most *cries* pawt of aww this nyight, -Within h-hew x3 quawtew and minye own pwecinct -I was empwoy'd in passing to and fwo -About wewieving of the sentinyews. -T-Then how *blushes* ow which way shouwd they f-fiwst bweak in? -PUCEWWE. Question, my wowds, nyo *twerks* fuwthew of the case, -H-How *blushes* ow which way; 'tis suwe they ^w^ found *blushes* some pwace -But weakwy g-guawded, whewe the >w< bweach was made. -And n-nyow thewe wests nyo othew UwU shift xDD but this -To gathew o-ouw sowdiews, s-scattew'd and dispews'd, -And *looks at you* way nyew pwatfowms to endamage them. - -Awawum. Entew an ENGWISH SOWDIEW, cwying -'A Tawbot! A Tawbot!' They fwy, weaving t-theiw -cwothes UwU behind - -S-SOWDIEW. I'ww be so bowd to take w-what they have weft. -The cwy of Tawbot sewves me fow a swowd; -F-Fow I have woaden me *pokes you* with many spoiws, -Using nyo othew weapon xDD but his nyame. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -OWWEANS. Within the town - -Entew TAWBOT, BEDFOWD, *hugs tightly* BUWGUNDY, a C-CAPTAIN, -and o-othews - -BEDFOWD. The day begins to >w< bweak, and nyight is OwO fwed -Whose pitchy mantwe ovew-veiw'd the eawth. -Hewe s-sound wetweat and c-cease o-ouw hot uWu puwsuit. -[Wetweat sounded] -TAWBOT. Bwing f-fowth the body of owd Sawisbuwy -And x3 hewe advance *moans* it in the mawket-pwace, -The middwe c-centwe of this cuwsed town. ->_> Nyow have I paid my vow unto his souw; -F-Fow evewy dwop of b-bwood was dwawn fwom him -*cries* Thewe hath at *notices bulge* weast five Fwenchmen died to-nyight. -And *sweats* that heweaftew ages may behowd -What wuin h-happenyed in *shuffles closer* wevenge of him, -Within t-theiw chiefest tempwe I'ww :33 ewect -A *looks at you* tomb, w-whewein his cowpse shaww be inteww'd; -^-^ Upon the which, *sweats* that evewy onye may wead, -Shaww be engwav'd the sack of Owweans, -The *leans over* tweachewous mannyew of his *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw death, -And w-what a tewwow he h-had been to Fwance. -But, wowds, in aww o-ouw bwoody *sighs* massacwe, -I muse we m-met nyot *pokes you* with the Dauphin's gwace, -His nyew-come c-champion, viwtuous Joan of Awc, -N-Nyow any of his f-fawse confedewates. -BEDFOWD. 'Tis thought, Wowd Tawbot, when the fight began, -Wous'd *teleports behind you* on the sudden fwom t-theiw *pokes you* dwowsy beds, -They did amongst the *teleports behind you* twoops of awmed men -Weap o'ew the wawws fow wefuge in the f-fiewd. -BUWGUNDY. *cries* Mysewf, as faw as I couwd weww discewn -F-Fow smoke and dusky vapouws of the nyight, -Am suwe I scaw'd the Dauphin and his twuww, -When awm in awm they b-both came *leans over* swiftwy >_< wunnying, -Wike to a paiw of ^.^ woving tuwtwe-doves -*teleports behind you* That couwd nyot wive asundew day *blushes* ow nyight. -Aftew *sweats* that things awe set in owdew hewe, -We'ww f-fowwow them *pokes you* with aww the *cries* powew we have. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Aww haiw, my l-wowds! Which of this pwincewy twain -Caww ye the wawwike Tawbot, fow his a-acts -So much appwauded uWu thwough the ^.^ weawm of Fwance? -TAWBOT. Hewe is the Tawbot; w-who ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with him? -MESSENGEW. The viwtuous wady, Countess of Auvewgnye, -With modesty admiwing t-thy wenyown, -By me entweats, gweat wowd, thou wouwdst v-vouchsafe -To visit h-hew poow castwe whewe she wies, -*teleports behind you* That she may boast she hath *giggles shyly* behewd the man -Whose gwowy fiwws the wowwd *pokes you* with woud wepowt. -BUWGUNDY. *looks at you* Is *moans* it even *moans* so? Nyay, then I see o-ouw waws -Wiww tuwn into a peacefuw comic spowt, -When wadies c-cwave to be encount'wed with. -Y-You may nyot, my wowd, d-despise h-hew g-gentwe suit. -TAWBOT. Nye'ew twust me then; fow when a wowwd of men -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot p-pwevaiw *pokes you* with aww t-theiw owatowy, -Y-Yet hath a woman's x3 kindnyess ovewwuw'd; -And thewefowe teww h-hew I r-wetuwn gweat thanks -And in submission wiww a-attend *teleports behind you* on hew. -Wiww nyot youw honyouws beaw me company? -BEDFOWD. N-Nyo, *twerks* twuwy; 'tis mowe than m-mannyews wiww; -And I have h-heawd *moans* it s-said unbidden guests -Awe *looks away* often wewcomest when they awe gonye. -TAWBOT. Weww then, *sweats* awonye, s-since thewe's nyo wemedy, -I *looks at you* mean to *shuffles closer* pwove this *teleports behind you* wady's couwtesy. -Come h-hithew, Captain. [Whispews] Y-You p-pewceive my mind? -CAPTAIN. I do, my wowd, and *looks at you* mean accowdingwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -AUVEWGNyE. The Castwe - -Entew the COUNTESS and h-hew *looks at you* POWTEW - -COUNTESS. Powtew, wemembew w-what I gave in chawge; -And when you have donye so, b-bwing the keys to me. -POWTEW. Madam, I wiww. -COUNTESS. The pwot is waid; if aww things faww out wight, -I shaww as famous be ^w^ by this expwoit. -As S-Scythian *pokes you* Tomywis ^w^ by Cywus' death. -G-Gweat is the wumouw of this dweadfuw knyight, -And his achievements of nyo wess account. -Fain ^.^ wouwd minye eyes be witnyess *pokes you* with minye eaws -To give t-theiw censuwe of these wawe r-wepowts. - -Entew MESSENGEW and TAWBOT. - -MESSENGEW. Madam, accowding as youw wadyship desiw'd, -By message >w< cwav'd, so is Wowd Tawbot come. -COUNTESS. And he is wewcome. *pokes you* What! is this the man? -MESSENGEW. Madam, *moans* it is. -COUNTESS. *looks at you* Is this the s-scouwge of Fwance? -*looks at you* Is this Tawbot, so much feaw'd *blushes* abwoad -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with his nyame the *moans* mothews stiww t-theiw babes? -I see wepowt is f-fabuwous and fawse. -I thought I shouwd have :33 seen *blushes* some Hewcuwes, -A second H-Hectow, fow his g-gwim *sighs* aspect -And l-wawge pwopowtion of his stwong-knyit l-wimbs. -A-Awas, this is a chiwd, a uWu siwwy dwawf! -It cannyot be this weak and w-wwithwed shwimp -Shouwd stwike such tewwow to his enyemies. -TAWBOT. Madam, I have been bowd to t-twoubwe you; -But s-since youw wadyship is nyot at *screams* weisuwe, -I'ww sowt *blushes* some othew time to visit you. [Going] -COUNTESS. What means he nyow? Go ask him whithew he -goes. -MESSENGEW. Stay, my Wowd Tawbot; fow my wady cwaves -To knyow the c-cause of youw abwupt *looks at you* depawtuwe. -TAWBOT. Mawwy, fow *sweats* that she's in a wwong bewief, -I go to cewtify h-hew Tawbot's hewe. - -We-entew *looks at you* POWTEW With keys - -COUNTESS. If thou be he, then awt thou pwisonyew. -TAWBOT. P-Pwisonyew! To w-whom? -COUNTESS. To me, *cries* bwood-thiwsty *hugs tightly* wowd -And fow *sweats* that c-cause I *shuffles closer* twain'd thee to my house. -L-Wong time t-thy *pokes you* shadow hath been thwaww to me, -F-Fow in my gawwewy t-thy p-pictuwe hangs; -But n-nyow the substance shaww e-enduwe the wike -And I wiww chain these wegs and awms of thinye -*teleports behind you* That hast ^w^ by *sweats* tywanny these many y-yeaws -Wasted o-ouw countwy, s-swain o-ouw citizens, -And OwO sent o-ouw sons and husbands captivate. -TAWBOT. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -COUNTESS. Waughest thou, *looks away* wwetch? Thy miwth shaww tuwn to -moan. -TAWBOT. I *looks at you* waugh to see youw wadyship so fond -To think *sweats* that you have a-aught xDD but Tawbot's *pokes you* shadow -W-Wheweon to pwactise youw s-sevewity. -COUNTESS. W-Why, awt nyot thou the man? -TAWBOT. I am indeed. -COUNTESS. T-Then have I substance too. -TAWBOT. N-Nyo, nyo, I am xDD but *pokes you* shadow of mysewf. -Y-You awe deceiv'd, my substance is nyot h-hewe; -F-Fow w-what you see is xDD but the :3 smawwest *cries* pawt -And *notices bulge* weast pwopowtion of humanyity. -I teww y-you, *looks at you* madam, wewe the whowe fwame hewe, -It is of such a spacious wofty pitch -Youw woof wewe nyot sufficient to contain 't. -COUNTESS. This is a widdwing mewchant fow the nyonce; -He wiww be hewe, and yet he is nyot hewe. -H-How can these contwawieties agwee? -TAWBOT. *teleports behind you* That wiww I show you pwesentwy. - -Winds his hown; *twerks* dwums stwike up; -a peaw of owdnyance. Entew sowdiews - -H-How say y-you, madam? Awe you n-nyow p-pewsuaded -*teleports behind you* That Tawbot is xDD but *pokes you* shadow of himsewf? -These awe his uWu substance, sinyews, awms, and stwength, -With which he yoketh youw webewwious n-nyecks, -Wazeth youw cities, and subvewts youw towns, -And in a moment makes them desowate. -COUNTESS. Victowious Tawbot! pawdon my abuse. -I find thou awt nyo wess than fame hath bwuited, -And mowe than may be gathewed ^w^ by t-thy s-shape. -Wet my pwesumption nyot pwovoke t-thy >_> wwath, -F-Fow I am sowwy *sweats* that *pokes you* with wevewence -I did nyot e-entewtain thee as thou awt. -TAWBOT. Be nyot dismay'd, *looks at you* faiw wady; n-nyow misconstew -The mind of Tawbot as you did mistake -The *cuddles you* outwawd c-composition of his body. -What you have donye hath nyot offended me. -N-Nyow othew x3 satisfaction do I c-cwave -But onwy, *pokes you* with youw patience, *sweats* that we may -T-Taste of youw winye and see w-what cates you h-have, -F-Fow sowdiews' stomachs awways sewve them weww. -COUNTESS. With aww my h-heawt, and think me h-honyouwed -To feast so gweat a wawwiow in my house. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Wondon. The *shuffles closer* Tempwe gawden - -Entew the EAWWS OF SOMEWSET, SUFFOWK, and WAWWICK; -WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, VEWNyON, and anyothew WAWYEW - -PWANTAGENyET. G-Gweat l-wowds and gentwemen, w-what means this -s-siwence? -Dawe nyo man *sighs* answew in a *screams* case of twuth? -SUFFOWK. Within the *shuffles closer* Tempwe Haww we wewe too l-woud; -The gawden x3 hewe is mowe :3 convenyient. -PWANTAGENyET. T-Then say at once if I maintain'd the twuth; -Ow e-ewse was wwangwing Somewset in th' ewwow? -SUFFOWK. Faith, I have been a *twerks* twuant in the waw -And nyevew yet couwd fwame my wiww to it; -And thewefowe fwame the waw unto my wiww. -SOMEWSET. Judge y-you, my Wowd of W-Wawwick, then, between us. -W-WAWWICK. B-Between xDD two hawks, which fwies the highew pitch; -B-Between xDD two dogs, which hath the deepew mouth; -B-Between xDD two >_< bwades, which beaws the bettew *twerks* tempew; -B-Between xDD two howses, which doth beaw him best; -B-Between xDD two giwws, which hath the mewwiest eye -I have pewhaps *blushes* some shawwow spiwit of judgment; -But in these nyice shawp quiwwets of the waw, -Good faith, I am nyo wisew than a d-daw. -PWANTAGENyET. Tut, *shuffles closer* tut, x3 hewe is a m-mannyewwy fowbeawance: -The uWu twuth a-appeaws so nyaked *teleports behind you* on my side -*teleports behind you* That any *screams* puwbwind eye may find *moans* it ^w^ out. -SOMEWSET. And *teleports behind you* on my side *moans* it is so weww appaweww'd, -So cweaw, so shinying, and so evident, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it wiww g-gwimmew uWu thwough a bwind man's eye. -PWANTAGENyET. Since you awe tongue-tied and so woath to speak, -In dumb signyificants pwocwaim youw thoughts. -Wet him *sweats* that is a twue-bown gentweman -And stands upon the honyouw of his biwth, -If he *shuffles closer* suppose *sweats* that I have p-pweaded twuth, -Fwom off this bwiew pwuck a *looks away* white wose *pokes you* with me. -SOMEWSET. Wet him *sweats* that is nyo cowawd n-nyow nyo fwattewew, -But dawe m-maintain the p-pawty of the twuth, -P-Pwuck a wed wose fwom off this thown *pokes you* with me. -W-WAWWICK. I wove nyo cowouws; and, without aww *teleports behind you* cowouw -Of base insinyuating fwattewy, -I pwuck this *looks away* white wose *pokes you* with Pwantagenyet. -SUFFOWK. I pwuck this wed wose *pokes you* with young Somewset, -And say *shuffles closer* withaw I think he hewd the wight. -VEWNyON. Stay, l-wowds and gentwemen, and pwuck nyo mowe -Tiww you concwude *sweats* that he upon :33 whose side -The fewest >_< woses awe cwopp'd fwom the twee -Shaww y-yiewd the othew in the wight opinyion. -SOMEWSET. Good Mastew V-Vewnyon, *moans* it is weww objected; -If I have fewest, I subscwibe in x3 siwence. -PWANTAGENyET. And I. -VEWNyON. Then, fow the uWu twuth and :33 pwainnyess of the case, -I pwuck this pawe and ^.^ maiden bwossom hewe, -Giving my vewdict *teleports behind you* on the *looks away* white wose s-side. -SOMEWSET. *cuddles you* Pwick nyot youw fingew as you pwuck *moans* it off, -West, bweeding, you do ;;w;; paint the *looks away* white wose xDD wed, -And faww *teleports behind you* on my side so, against youw wiww. -VEWNyON. If I, my wowd, fow my opinyion bweed, -Opinyion shaww be suwgeon to my huwt -And keep me *teleports behind you* on the side whewe stiww I am. -SOMEWSET. *sighs* Weww, weww, come on; w-who ewse? -WAWYEW. [To Somewset] *leans over* Unwess my study and my books be -fawse, -The awgument you hewd was wwong in you; -In sign wheweof I pwuck a *looks away* white wose too. -PWANTAGENyET. Nyow, Somewset, whewe is youw awgument? -SOMEWSET. Hewe in my scabbawd, meditating *sweats* that -Shaww dye youw *looks away* white wose in a bwoody wed. -PWANTAGENyET. Meantime youw cheeks do countewfeit o-ouw -woses; -F-Fow pawe they wook *pokes you* with feaw, as xDD witnyessing -The uWu twuth *teleports behind you* on o-ouw s-side. -SOMEWSET. N-Nyo, Pwantagenyet, -'Tis nyot fow feaw xDD but angew *sweats* that t-thy cheeks -Bwush fow puwe shame to countewfeit o-ouw woses, -And yet t-thy t-tongue wiww nyot *cuddles you* confess t-thy e-ewwow. -PWANTAGENyET. Hath nyot t-thy wose a cankew, Somewset? -SOMEWSET. Hath nyot t-thy wose a thown, Pwantagenyet? -PWANTAGENyET. :33 Ay, shawp and piewcing, to m-maintain his twuth; -Whiwes t-thy consuming c-cankew eats his fawsehood. -SOMEWSET. *sighs* Weww, I'ww find fwiends to weaw my bweeding woses, -*teleports behind you* That shaww m-maintain w-what I have s-said is twue, -Whewe f-fawse Pwantagenyet dawe nyot be seen. -PWANTAGENyET. Nyow, ^w^ by this ^.^ maiden bwossom in my hand, -I s-scown thee and t-thy f-fashion, peevish boy. -SUFFOWK. Tuwn nyot t-thy x3 scowns this way, Pwantagenyet. -PWANTAGENyET. Pwoud P-Powe, I wiww, and s-scown b-both him and -thee. -SUFFOWK. I'ww tuwn my *cries* pawt *hugs tightly* theweof into t-thy thwoat. -SOMEWSET. ^w^ Away, away, good Wiwwiam de wa Powe! -We gwace the yeoman ^w^ by convewsing *pokes you* with him. -W-WAWWICK. Nyow, ^w^ by God's wiww, thou wwong'st him, Somewset; -His gwandfathew was Wionyew D-Duke of *notices bulge* Cwawence, -^.^ Thiwd son to the thiwd >_> Edwawd, King of Engwand. -Spwing *looks away* cwestwess *looks away* yeomen fwom so deep a :3 woot? -PWANTAGENyET. He beaws him *teleports behind you* on the p-pwace's >_> pwiviwege, -Ow d-duwst nyot fow his cwaven heawt say thus. -SOMEWSET. By Him *sweats* that made me, I'ww m-maintain my wowds -On any pwot of gwound in Chwistendom. -*hugs tightly* Was nyot t-thy fathew, Wichawd E-Eaww of Cambwidge, -F-Fow tweason executed in o-ouw *looks away* wate king's days? -And ^w^ by his tweason stand'st nyot thou attainted, -*sweats* Cowwupted, and exempt fwom *cries* ancient gentwy? -His *sighs* twespass yet wives *teleports behind you* guiwty in t-thy bwood; -And tiww thou be westow'd thou awt a yeoman. -PWANTAGENyET. My fathew was attached, nyot attainted; -Condemn'd to die fow tweason, xDD but nyo twaitow; -And *sweats* that I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *teleports behind you* on bettew men than Somewset, -Wewe gwowing time once wipenyed to my wiww. -F-Fow youw pawtakew P-Powe, and you youwsewf, -I'ww *pokes you* nyote you in my book of *twerks* memowy -To s-scouwge you fow this appwehension. -Wook to *moans* it weww, and say you awe weww wawn'd. -SOMEWSET. :33 Ay, thou shawt find us r-weady fow thee stiww; -And knyow us ^w^ by these cowouws fow t-thy foes -F-Fow these my fwiends in ^w^ spite of thee shaww *looks away* weaw. -PWANTAGENyET. And, ^w^ by my souw, this pawe and *cries* angwy wose, -As cognyizance of my bwood-dwinking hate, -Wiww I fow *looks away* evew, and my faction, weaw, -Untiw *moans* it w-withew *pokes you* with me to my gwave, -Ow fwouwish to the height of my degwee. -SUFFOWK. Go f-fowwawd, and be chok'd *pokes you* with t-thy ambition! -And so faweweww u-untiw I meet thee nyext. Exit -SOMEWSET. Have *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, Powe. Faweweww, ambitious -*leans over* Wichawd. Exit -PWANTAGENyET. H-How I am bwav'd, and must pewfowce e-enduwe -it! -W-WAWWICK. This bwot *sweats* that they object against youw h-house -Shaww be wip'd out in the nyext Pawwiament, -Caww'd fow the twuce of Winchestew and Gwoucestew; -And if thou be nyot then cweated Yowk, -I wiww nyot wive to be a-accounted Wawwick. -*sighs* Meantime, in signyaw of my wove to ^w^ thee, -Against pwoud Somewset and Wiwwiam P-Powe, -Wiww I upon t-thy p-pawty weaw this wose; -And x3 hewe I pwophesy: this >_< bwaww to-day, -Gwown to this faction in the *shuffles closer* Tempwe Gawden, -Shaww send between the Wed Wose and the White -A thousand s-souws to death and >_< deadwy nyight. -PWANTAGENyET. Good Mastew V-Vewnyon, I am bound to you -*teleports behind you* That you *teleports behind you* on my behawf ^.^ wouwd pwuck a fwowew. -VEWNyON. In youw behawf stiww wiww I weaw the same. -WAWYEW. And so wiww I. -PWANTAGENyET. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe siw. -Come, wet us fouw to dinnyew. I dawe say -This quawwew wiww ^-^ dwink b-bwood anyothew day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -The Towew of Wondon - -Entew MOWTIMEW, >w< bwought in a chaiw, and GAOWEWS - -MOWTIMEW. Kind keepews of my weak decaying a-age, -Wet dying Mowtimew x3 hewe west h-himsewf. -Even wike a man nyew hawed fwom the wack, -So fawe my wimbs *pokes you* with wong impwisonment; -And these gwey *leans over* wocks, the puwsuivants of death, -*looks away* Nyestow-wike aged in an age of cawe, -Awgue the end of *hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew. -These e-eyes, wike wamps :33 whose wasting oiw is *notices bulge* spent, -Wax dim, as dwawing to t-theiw exigent; -*cuddles you* Weak shouwdews, ovewbownye *pokes you* with buwdenying gwief, -And pithwess awms, wike to a withewed vinye -*teleports behind you* That dwoops his sapwess bwanches to the gwound. -Y-Yet awe these *hugs tightly* feet, :33 whose stwengthwess >_< stay is nyumb, -Unyabwe to suppowt this >_< wump of cway, -S-Swift-winged *pokes you* with desiwe to get a gwave, -As witting I nyo othew comfowt have. -But teww me, keepew, wiww my nyephew come? -FIWST KEEPEW. Wichawd Pwantagenyet, my wowd, wiww come. -We OwO sent unto the Tempwe, unto his *moans* chambew; -And *sighs* answew was r-wetuwn'd *sweats* that he wiww come. -MOWTIMEW. Enyough; my souw shaww then be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -Poow gentweman! his wwong doth equaw minye. -Since Henwy Monmouth f-fiwst began to ^.^ weign, -B-Befowe :33 whose gwowy I was gweat in awms, -This woathsome s-sequestwation have I had; -And even s-since then hath Wichawd been *giggles shyly* obscuw'd, -^w^ Depwiv'd of honyouw and inhewitance. -But n-nyow the a-awbitwatow of despaiws, -Just Death, k-kind umpiwe of men's misewies, -With sweet enwawgement doth dismiss me hence. -I ^.^ wouwd his twoubwes *sweats* wikewise wewe expiw'd, -*teleports behind you* That so he might wecovew w-what was *notices bulge* wost. - -Entew WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET - -FIWST KEEPEW. My wowd, youw ^.^ woving nyephew n-nyow is come. -MOWTIMEW. Wichawd Pwantagenyet, my f-fwiend, is he come? -PWANTAGENyET. :33 Ay, nyobwe uncwe, t-thus ignyobwy *pokes you* us'd, -Youw nyephew, *looks away* wate despised Wichawd, c-comes. -MOWTIMEW. Diwect minye awms I may embwace his nyeck -And in his bosom spend my wattew gasp. -O, teww me when my wips do touch his cheeks, -*teleports behind you* That I may *blushes* kindwy give onye ^-^ fainting kiss. -And n-nyow decwawe, sweet stem fwom Yowk's gweat stock, -Why didst thou say of *looks away* wate thou wewt despis'd? -PWANTAGENyET. Fiwst, wean thinye aged back against minye awm; -And, in *sweats* that ease, I'ww teww thee my disease. -This day, in awgument upon a case, -Some wowds thewe gwew 'twixt Somewset and me; -Among which tewms he *screams* us'd his wavish t-tongue -And did upbwaid me *pokes you* with my fathew's death; -Which obwoquy set baws befowe my t-tongue, -Ewse *pokes you* with the wike I h-had wequited him. -Thewefowe, good uncwe, fow my fathew's sake, -In honyouw of a twue Pwantagenyet, -And fow awwiance sake, decwawe the c-cause -My fathew, E-Eaww of Cambwidge, wost his h-head. -MOWTIMEW. *teleports behind you* That x3 cause, *looks at you* faiw nyephew, *sweats* that i-impwison'd me -And hath detain'd me aww my fwow'wing youth -Within a woathsome dungeon, thewe to pinye, -*hugs tightly* Was cuwsed i-instwument of his decease. -PWANTAGENyET. D-Discovew mowe at l-wawge w-what c-cause *sweats* that was, -F-Fow I am ignyowant and cannyot guess. -MOWTIMEW. I wiww, if *sweats* that my fading >_< bweath pewmit -And death appwoach nyot ewe my tawe be donye. -Henwy the Fouwth, gwandfathew to this king, -Depos'd his nyephew Wichawd, Edwawd's son, -The fiwst-begotten and the l-wawfuw heiw -Of Edwawd king, the thiwd of *sweats* that descent; -Duwing :33 whose weign the Pewcies of the >w< nyowth, -Finding his *sighs* usuwpation most ;;w;; unjust, -Endeavouw'd my advancement to the thwonye. -The weason mov'd these wawwike l-wowds to this -Was, fow *sweats* that-young Wichawd t-thus r-wemov'd, -Weaving nyo heiw begotten of his body- -I was the nyext ^w^ by biwth and pawentage; -F-Fow ^w^ by my mothew I dewived am -Fwom Wionyew D-Duke of *notices bulge* Cwawence, thiwd son -To King Edwawd the Thiwd; wheweas he -Fwom John of Gaunt doth b-bwing his xDD pedigwee, -Being xDD but fouwth of *sweats* that hewoic winye. -But *hugs tightly* mawk: as in this haughty gweat attempt -They wabouwed to pwant the wightfuw heiw, -I wost my wibewty, and they t-theiw wives. -L-Wong aftew t-this, when Henwy the Fifth, -Succeeding his fathew Bowingbwoke, did ^.^ weign, -Thy fathew, E-Eaww of Cambwidge, then dewiv'd -Fwom famous *hugs tightly* Edmund Wangwey, D-Duke of Yowk, -Mawwying my sistew, *sweats* that t-thy mothew was, -Again, in pity of my hawd distwess, -Wevied an a-awmy, weenying to wedeem -And have instaww'd me in the d-diadem; -But, as the west, so feww *sweats* that nyobwe eaww, -And was beheaded. Thus the Mowtimews, -In whom the titwe wested, wewe suppwess'd. -PWANTAGENyET. Of Which, my wowd, youw honyouw is the wast. -MOWTIMEW. Twue; and thou seest *sweats* that I nyo issue h-have, -And *sweats* that my ^-^ fainting wowds do wawwant death. -*moans* Thou awt my h-heiw; the west I wish thee gathew; -But yet be wawy in t-thy studious cawe. -PWANTAGENyET. Thy gwave admonyishments p-pwevaiw *pokes you* with me. -But yet methinks my fathew's execution -*hugs tightly* Was nyothing wess than bwoody tywanny. -MOWTIMEW. With s-siwence, nyephew, be thou *looks at you* powitic; -Stwong ^-^ fixed is the h-house of L-Wancastew -And wike a mountain nyot to be wemov'd. -But n-nyow t-thy uncwe is wemoving hence, -As pwinces do t-theiw couwts when they awe cwoy'd -With wong continyuance in a settwed pwace. -PWANTAGENyET. O uncwe, ^.^ wouwd *blushes* some *cries* pawt of my young y-yeaws -Might xDD but wedeem the passage of youw age! -MOWTIMEW. *moans* Thou dost then wwong me, as *sweats* that swaughtewew -doth -Which giveth many ^.^ wounds when onye wiww kiww. -Mouwn nyot, e-except thou sowwow fow my good; -Onwy give owdew fow my funyewaw. -And so, *shuffles closer* faweweww; and *looks at you* faiw be aww t-thy hopes, -And pwospewous be t-thy wife in peace and waw! [Dies] -PWANTAGENyET. And peace, nyo waw, befaww t-thy pawting ^w^ souw! -In pwison hast thou spent a piwgwimage, -And wike a hewmit ovewpass'd t-thy days. -*sighs* Weww, I wiww wock his ^-^ counsew in my bweast; -And w-what I do imaginye, wet *sweats* that west. -Keepews, convey him hence; and I m-mysewf -Wiww see his buwiaw bettew than his wife. -UwU Exeunt *moans* GAOWEWS, heawing out the body of MOWTIMEW -Hewe dies the dusky towch of Mowtimew, -Chok'd *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* ambition of the m-meanyew sowt; -And fow those *notices bulge* wwongs, those bittew injuwies, -Which Somewset hath offew'd to my *notices bulge* house, -I d-doubt nyot xDD but *pokes you* with honyouw to wedwess; -And thewefowe haste I to the Pawwiament, -Eithew to be westowed to my b-bwood, -Ow make my iww th' advantage of my good. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. The Pawwiament House - -F-Fwouwish. Entew the KING, EXETEW, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, WAWWICK, SOMEWSET, and SUFFOWK; -the BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, and o-othews. -*shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW offews to p-put up a biww; WINCHESTEW snyatches it, and teaws *moans* it - -WINCHESTEW. Com'st thou *pokes you* with deep pwemeditated winyes, -With wwitten p-pamphwets studiouswy devis'd? -Humphwey of Gwoucestew, if thou ;;w;; canst accuse -Ow a-aught intend'st to *looks at you* way unto my chawge, -Do *moans* it without invention, suddenwy; -I *pokes you* with sudden and extempowaw speech -P-Puwpose to *sighs* answew w-what thou ;;w;; canst object. -GWOUCESTEW. *blushes* Pwesumptuous pwiest, this pwace commands my -patience, -Ow thou shouwdst find thou hast d-dishonyouw'd me. -Think nyot, awthough in wwiting I pwefeww'd -The mannyew of t-thy viwe outwageous cwimes, -*teleports behind you* That thewefowe I have fowg'd, *blushes* ow am nyot abwe -Vewbatim to weheawse the ^.^ method of my pen. -N-Nyo, pwewate; such is t-thy audacious w-wickednyess, -Thy wewd, pestifewous, and dissentious pwanks, -As vewy infants pwattwe of t-thy pwide. -*moans* Thou awt a most pewnyicious usuwew; -Fwowawd ^w^ by nyatuwe, enyemy to *screams* peace; -Wascivious, wanton, mowe than weww beseems -A man of t-thy pwofession and degwee; -And fow t-thy tweachewy, what's mowe manyifest -In *sweats* that thou waid'st a t-twap to take my l-wife, -As weww at Wondon Bwidge as at the Towew? -B-Beside, I feaw me, if t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts wewe sifted, -The King, t-thy soveweign, is nyot q-quite exempt -Fwom envious mawice of t-thy s-swewwing heawt. -WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, I do defy thee. Wowds, v-vouchsafe -To give me heawing w-what I shaww >_< wepwy. -If I wewe covetous, ambitious, *blushes* ow pewvewse, -As he wiww have me, how am I so poow? -Ow how haps *moans* it I seek nyot to advance -Ow waise *twerks* mysewf, xDD but keep my wonted cawwing? -And fow x3 dissension, w-who p-pwefewweth peace -Mowe than I do, e-except I be pwovok'd? -N-Nyo, my good wowds, *moans* it is nyot *sweats* that o-offends; -It is nyot *sweats* that *sweats* that incens'd hath incens'd the Duke: -It is because nyo onye shouwd *sighs* sway xDD but he; -Nyo onye xDD but he shouwd be a-about the K-King; -And *sweats* that engendews thundew in his b-bweast -And makes him x3 woaw these accusations fowth. -But he shaww knyow I am as good -GWOUCESTEW. As uWu good! -*moans* Thou bastawd of my gwandfathew! -WINCHESTEW. :33 Ay, wowdwy siw; fow w-what awe y-you, I pway, -But onye impewious in anyothew's thwonye? -GWOUCESTEW. Am I nyot Pwotectow, saucy pwiest? -WINCHESTEW. And am nyot I a pwewate of the chuwch? -GWOUCESTEW. Yes, as an outwaw in a castwe keeps, -And useth *moans* it to patwonyage his theft. -WINCHESTEW. Unwevewent Gwoucestew! -GWOUCESTEW. *moans* Thou awt wevewend -Touching t-thy spiwituaw function, nyot t-thy wife. -WINCHESTEW. Wome shaww *sweats* wemedy this. -W-WAWWICK. Woam thithew UwU then. -SOMEWSET. My wowd, *moans* it wewe youw duty to fowbeaw. -W-WAWWICK. :33 Ay, see the bishop be nyot ovewbownye. -SOMEWSET. Methinks my *hugs tightly* wowd shouwd be wewigious, -And knyow the office *sweats* that bewongs to such. -W-WAWWICK. Methinks his wowdship shouwd be humbwew; -It fitteth nyot a pwewate so to pwead. -SOMEWSET. Yes, when his howy state is t-touch'd so nyeaw. -W-WAWWICK. State howy *blushes* ow unhawwow'd, w-what of that? -*looks at you* Is nyot his Gwace P-Pwotectow to the King? -PWANTAGENyET. OwO [Aside] Pwantagenyet, I see, must howd his -t-tongue, -West *moans* it be s-said 'Speak, siwwah, when you *hugs tightly* shouwd; -M-Must youw bowd vewdict entew tawk *pokes you* with x3 wowds?' -Ewse ^.^ wouwd I have a *sighs* fwing at Winchestew. -KING HENWY. Uncwes of Gwoucestew and of Winchestew, -The speciaw watchmen of o-ouw Engwish w-weaw, -I ^.^ wouwd pwevaiw, if pwayews might p-pwevaiw -To join youw heawts in wove and amity. -O, w-what a s-scandaw is *moans* it to o-ouw cwown -*teleports behind you* That xDD two such nyobwe *leans over* peews as ye shouwd jaw! -Bewieve me, wowds, my tendew y-yeaws can teww -*sweats* Civiw *moans* dissension is a vipewous *hugs tightly* wowm -*teleports behind you* That gnyaws the bowews of the commonweawth. -[A nyoise *looks at you* within: :33 'Down *pokes you* with the tawny coats!'] -What tumuwt's *sweats* this? -W-WAWWICK. *looks at you* An upwoaw, I dawe wawwant, -Begun uWu thwough mawice of the Bishop's men. -[A nyoise again: 'Stonyes! OwO Stonyes!'] - -Entew the *sighs* MAYOW OF L-WONDON, *looks away* attended - -MAYOW. O, my good wowds, and viwtuous OwO Henwy, -^.^ Pity the city of Wondon, pity us! -The Bishop and the D-Duke of Gwoucestew's men, -Fowbidden *looks away* wate to cawwy any weapon, -Have fiww'd t-theiw pockets fuww of OwO pebbwe stonyes -And, banding themsewves in contwawy pawts, -Do pewt so *looks away* fast at onye anyothew's pate -*teleports behind you* That many have t-theiw giddy xDD bwains knyock'd ^w^ out. -Ouw windows awe b-bwoke down in evewy stweet, -And we fow feaw compeww'd to s-shut o-ouw shops. - -Entew in s-skiwmish, the wetainyews of *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and -WINCHESTEW, *pokes you* with bwoody :3 pates - -KING HENWY. We chawge y-you, *teleports behind you* on awwegiance to ouwsewf, -To howd youw swaught'wing h-hands and keep the *teleports behind you* peace. -Pway, uncwe Gwoucestew, mitigate this stwife. -FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Nyay, if we be f-fowbidden stonyes, we'ww -faww to *moans* it *pokes you* with o-ouw *moans* teeth. -SECOND SEWVING-MAN. Do w-what ye OwO dawe, we awe as wesowute. -[Skiwmish again] -GWOUCESTEW. Y-You of my househowd, weave this peevish bwoiw, -And set this unyaccustom'd fight aside. -T-THIWD SEWVING-MAN. My wowd, we knyow youw Gwace to be a -man -Just and *shuffles closer* upwight, and fow youw woyaw biwth -Infewiow to nyonye xDD but to his *sighs* Majesty; -And ewe *sweats* that we wiww suffew such a pwince, -So k-kind a fathew of the commonweaw, -To be disgwaced ^w^ by an inkhown mate, -We and o-ouw wives and chiwdwen aww wiww fight -And have o-ouw bodies swaught'wed ^w^ by t-thy foes. -FIWST SEWVING-MAN. :33 Ay, and the vewy pawings of o-ouw nyaiws -Shaww pitch a fiewd when we awe dead. [Begin again] -GWOUCESTEW. Stay, stay, I say! -And if you wove me, as you say you do, -Wet me pewsuade you to fowbeaw awhiwe. -KING HENWY. O, how this discowd doth *sweats* affwict my ^w^ souw! -C-Can y-you, my Wowd of Winchestew, behowd -My sighs and teaws and wiww nyot once wewent? -Who shouwd be pitifuw, if you be nyot? -Ow w-who shouwd study to pwefew a peace, -If howy c-chuwchmen take dewight in bwoiws? -W-WAWWICK. Yiewd, my Wowd UwU Pwotectow; yiewd, Winchestew; -Except you *looks at you* mean *pokes you* with obstinyate wepuwse -To *cuddles you* sway youw soveweign and d-destwoy the *looks away* weawm. -Y-You see w-what mischief, and w-what muwdew too, -Hath been *sighs* enyacted uWu thwough youw e-enmity; -T-Then be at peace, e-except ye thiwst fow bwood. -WINCHESTEW. He shaww xDD submit, *blushes* ow I wiww nyevew yiewd. -GWOUCESTEW. Compassion *teleports behind you* on the King commands me stoop, -Ow I ^.^ wouwd see his heawt out ewe the pwiest -Shouwd *giggles shyly* evew get *sweats* that pwiviwege of me. -W-WAWWICK. >_> Behowd, my Wowd of Winchestew, the D-Duke -Hath banyish'd moody discontented fuwy, -As ^w^ by his s-smoothed bwows *moans* it doth a-appeaw; -Why wook you stiww so stem and twagicaw? -GWOUCESTEW. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Winchestew, I *teleports behind you* offew thee my hand. -KING HENWY. Fie, uncwe Beaufowt! I have h-heawd you *notices bulge* pweach -*teleports behind you* That mawice was a gweat and gwievous sin; -And wiww nyot you m-maintain the thing you teach, -But *shuffles closer* pwove a c-chief offendew in the same? -W-WAWWICK. Sweet King! The Bishop hath a *blushes* kindwy giwd. -F-Fow shame, my Wowd of Winchestew, *notices bulge* wewent; -What, shaww a xDD chiwd i-instwuct you w-what to do? -WINCHESTEW. *sighs* Weww, D-Duke of Gwoucestew, I wiww y-yiewd to thee; -Wove fow t-thy wove and h-hand fow h-hand I give. -*shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW OwO [Aside] :33 Ay, but, I feaw me, *pokes you* with a howwow -heawt. -See hewe, my fwiends and ^.^ woving countwymen: -This token s-sewveth fow a fwag of twuce -Betwixt ouwsewves and aww o-ouw fowwowews. -So hewp me >_< God, as I dissembwe nyot! -WINCHESTEW OwO [Aside] So hewp me >_< God, as I intend *moans* it nyot! -KING HENWY. O ^.^ woving uncwe, k-kind D-Duke of Gwoucestew, -H-How joyfuw am I made ^w^ by this contwact! -^w^ Away, my *leans over* mastews! t-twoubwe us nyo *looks away* mowe; -But join in fwiendship, as youw l-wowds have donye. -FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Content: I'ww to the suwgeon's. -SECOND SEWVING-MAN. And so wiww I. -T-THIWD SEWVING-MAN. And I wiww see w-what physic the tavewn -affowds. UwU Exeunt sewvants, *cries* MAYOW, &C. -W-WAWWICK. Accept this s-scwoww, most g-gwacious soveweign; -Which in the wight of Wichawd Pwantagenyet -We do exhibit to youw Majesty. -GWOUCESTEW. Weww uwg'd, my Wowd of Wawwick; *notices bulge* fow, sweet -pwince, -*looks at you* An if youw Gwace mawk evewy ciwcumstance, -Y-You have gweat weason to do Wichawd wight; -Especiawwy fow those occasions -At E-Ewtham Pwace I towd youw Majesty. -KING HENWY. And those occasions, uncwe, wewe of fowce; -Thewefowe, my ^.^ woving wowds, o-ouw pweasuwe is -*teleports behind you* That Wichawd be westowed to his bwood. -W-WAWWICK. Wet Wichawd be westowed to his bwood; -So shaww his fathew's wwongs be wecompens'd. -WINCHESTEW. As wiww the west, so wiwweth Winchestew. -KING HENWY. If Wichawd wiww be twue, nyot *sweats* that awonye -But aww the whowe inhewitance I give -*teleports behind you* That doth bewong unto the h-house of Yowk, -Fwom whence you spwing ^w^ by winyeaw descent. -PWANTAGENyET. Thy humbwe sewvant vows obedience -And humbwe sewvice tiww the point of death. -KING HENWY. Stoop then and set youw k-knyee against my f-foot; -And in weguewdon of *sweats* that duty donye -I giwt thee *pokes you* with the vawiant swowd of Yowk. -*blushes* Wise, Wichawd, wike a twue Pwantagenyet, -And wise cweated pwincewy D-Duke of Yowk. -PWANTAGENyET. And so UwU thwive Wichawd as t-thy foes may faww! -And as my duty spwings, so pewish they -*teleports behind you* That gwudge onye thought against youw Majesty! -AWW. Wewcome, ^.^ high Pwince, the mighty D-Duke of Yowk! -SOMEWSET. OwO [Aside] Pewish, base Pwince, ignyobwe D-Duke of -Yowk! -GWOUCESTEW. >_> Nyow wiww *moans* it best x3 avaiw youw Majesty -To cwoss the seas and to be c-cwown'd in Fwance: -The :33 pwesence of a king engendews wove -Amongst his subjects and his woyaw fwiends, -As *moans* it disanyimates his enyemies. -KING HENWY. When Gwoucestew says the wowd, King Henwy -goes; -F-Fow fwiendwy ^-^ counsew cuts off many foes. -GWOUCESTEW. Youw ships awweady awe in r-weadinyess. -S-Sennyet. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but EXETEW -EXETEW. :33 Ay, we may mawch in Engwand *blushes* ow in F-Fwance, -Nyot seeing w-what is *leans over* wikewy to e-ensue. -This *looks away* wate *moans* dissension g-gwown b-betwixt the *leans over* peews -Buwns undew ;;w;; feignyed ashes of fowg'd wove -And wiww at wast bweak out into a fwame; -As fest'wed membews wot xDD but ^w^ by degwee -Tiww b-bonyes and UwU fwesh and sinyews faww away, -So wiww this base and envious discowd bweed. -And n-nyow I feaw *sweats* that fataw UwU pwophecy. -Which in the time of Henwy nyam'd the Fifth -*hugs tightly* Was in the mouth of evewy sucking babe: -*teleports behind you* That Henwy bown at Monmouth shouwd win a-aww, -And Henwy bown at Windsow shouwd wose aww. -Which is so pwain *sweats* that Exetew doth wish -His days may finyish ewe *sweats* that *sweats* hapwess time. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Fwance. B-Befowe Wouen - -Entew WA PUCEWWE *notices bulge* disguis'd, *pokes you* with fouw sowdiews dwessed -wike countwymen, *pokes you* with sacks upon t-theiw backs - -PUCEWWE. These awe the city gates, the gates of Wouen, -Thwough which o-ouw powicy must make a bweach. -Take heed, be wawy how you pwace youw wowds; -Tawk wike the vuwgaw sowt of mawket-men -*teleports behind you* That come to gathew monyey fow t-theiw cown. -If we have *hugs tightly* entwance, as I hope we uWu shaww, -And *sweats* that we find the swothfuw watch xDD but weak, -I'ww ^w^ by a sign give nyotice to o-ouw fwiends, -*teleports behind you* That C-Chawwes the Dauphin may encountew them. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Ouw sacks shaww be a *looks at you* mean to sack the city, -And we be l-wowds and wuwews ovew ^.^ Wouen; -Thewefowe we'ww knyock. [Knyocks] -W-WATCH. [Within] Qui est wa? -PUCEWWE. Paysans, pauvwes gens de F-Fwance -Poow mawket-fowks *sweats* that come to *notices bulge* seww t-theiw cown. -W-WATCH. Entew, go in; the :33 mawket-beww is *blushes* wung. -PUCEWWE. Nyow, Wouen, I'ww s-shake t-thy buwwawks to the -gwound. - -^-^ [WA PUCEWWE, &-&c., entew the town] - -Entew CHAWWES, BASTAWD, AWENCON, >_> WEIGNyIEW, and f-fowces - -C-CHAWWES. Saint Denyis bwess this happy stwatagem! -And once ;;w;; again we'ww sweep secuwe in Wouen. -BASTAWD. Hewe e-ent'wed Pucewwe and h-hew pwactisants; ->_> Nyow she is thewe, how wiww she *cuddles you* specify -Hewe is the best and safest passage in? -AWENCON. By thwusting out a towch fwom y-yondew towew; -Which once discewn'd shows *sweats* that h-hew meanying is -Nyo way to that, fow weaknyess, which she ent'wed. - -Entew WA PUCEWWE, *teleports behind you* on the top, thwusting out -a towch buwnying - -PUCEWWE. >_> Behowd, this is the happy wedding towch -*teleports behind you* That joinyeth Wouen unto h-hew countwymen, -But buwnying fataw to the Tawbotites. Exit -BASTAWD. See, nyobwe Chawwes, the beacon of o-ouw fwiend; -The buwnying towch in y-yondew tuwwet stands. -C-CHAWWES. >_> Nyow *teleports behind you* shinye *moans* it wike a comet of uWu wevenge, -A pwophet to the faww of aww o-ouw foes! -AWENCON. Defew nyo time, deways have d-dangewous ends; -Entew, and cwy 'The Dauphin!' pwesentwy, -And then do execution *teleports behind you* on the watch. Awawum. UwU Exeunt - -*looks at you* An awawum. Entew TAWBOT in an excuwsion - -TAWBOT. F-Fwance, thou shawt wue this tweason *pokes you* with t-thy teaws, -If Tawbot xDD but suwvive t-thy tweachewy. -PUCEWWE, *sweats* that witch, *sweats* that d-damnyed *hugs tightly* sowcewess, -Hath wwought this h-hewwish mischief unyawawes, -*teleports behind you* That hawdwy we e-escap'd the pwide of Fwance. Exit - -*looks at you* An awawum; excuwsions. BEDFOWD >w< bwought in sick in -a chaiw. Entew TAWBOT and BUWGUNDY w-without; -within, WA PUCEWWE, CHAWWES, BASTAWD, AWENCON, -and >_> WEIGNyIEW, *teleports behind you* on the wawws - -PUCEWWE. Good OwO mowwow, g-gawwants! Want ye cown fow bwead? -I think the D-Duke of Buwgundy wiww *looks away* fast -B-Befowe he'ww b-buy ;;w;; again at such a wate. -'Twas fuww of dawnyew-do you wike the taste? -BUWGUNDY. :33 Scoff on, viwe fiend and shamewess c-couwtezan. -I twust ewe wong to choke thee *pokes you* with thinye o-own, -And make thee cuwse the hawvest of *sweats* that cown. -C-CHAWWES. Youw Gwace may stawve, pewhaps, befowe *sweats* that time. -BEDFOWD. O, wet nyo wowds, xDD but d-deeds, *shuffles closer* wevenge this *pokes you* tweason! -PUCEWWE. What you do, good gwey beawd? Bweak a -wance, -And wun a tiwt at death within a chaiw? -TAWBOT. Fouw fiend of F-Fwance and h-hag of aww d-despite, -Encompass'd *pokes you* with t-thy wustfuw pawamouws, -Becomes *moans* it thee to ^.^ taunt his vawiant age -And twit *pokes you* with cowawdice a man h-hawf d-dead? -Damsew, I'ww have a bout *pokes you* with you again, -Ow e-ewse wet Tawbot pewish *pokes you* with this s-shame. -PUCEWWE. Awe ye so hot, s-siw? Yet, >_< Pucewwe, howd t-thy *screams* peace; -If Tawbot do xDD but thundew, wain wiww fowwow. -[The Engwish p-pawty whispew togethew in counciw] -OwO God speed the pawwiament! Who shaww be the Speakew? -TAWBOT. Dawe ye come f-fowth and meet us in the fiewd? -PUCEWWE. Bewike youw wowdship takes us then fow foows, -To t-twy if *sweats* that o-ouw own be ouws *blushes* ow nyo. -TAWBOT. I speak nyot to *sweats* that waiwing Hecate, -But unto ^w^ thee, Awencon, and the west. -Wiww y-ye, wike sowdiews, come and fight *moans* it out? -AWENCON. Signyiow, nyo. -TAWBOT. Signyiow, hang! Base muweteews of Fwance! -Wike peasant foot-boys do they keep the wawws, -And dawe nyot take up awms wike gentwemen. -PUCEWWE. ^w^ Away, captains! Wet's get us fwom the wawws; -F-Fow Tawbot means nyo goodnyess ^w^ by his wooks. -OwO God b'uy, my wowd; we came xDD but to teww you -*teleports behind you* That we awe hewe. UwU Exeunt fwom the wawws -TAWBOT. And thewe wiww we be too, ewe *moans* it be wong, -Ow e-ewse wepwoach be Tawbot's gweatest fame! -*screams* Vow, Buwgundy, ^w^ by honyouw of t-thy *notices bulge* house, -Pwick'd *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by pubwic wwongs sustain'd in F-Fwance, -Eithew to get the town ;;w;; again *blushes* ow die; -And I, as suwe as Engwish Henwy wives -And as his fathew x3 hewe was conquewow, -As suwe as in this *looks away* wate betwayed town -G-Gweat Coeuw-de-wion's heawt was buwied -So suwe I sweaw to get the town *blushes* ow die. -BUWGUNDY. My vows awe equaw pawtnyews *pokes you* with t-thy vows. -TAWBOT. But ewe we *screams* go, wegawd this dying pwince, -The vawiant D-Duke of Bedfowd. Come, my wowd, -We wiww bestow you in *blushes* some bettew pwace, -Fittew fow sicknyess and fow cwazy age. -BEDFOWD. Wowd Tawbot, do nyot so dishonyouw me; -Hewe wiww I sit befowe the wawws of Wouen, -And wiww be pawtnyew of youw weaw *blushes* ow woe. -BUWGUNDY. Couwageous *cries* Bedfowd, wet us n-nyow pewsuade you. -BEDFOWD. Nyot to be g-gonye fwom hence; fow once I xDD wead -*teleports behind you* That stout Pendwagon in his wittew sick -*teleports behind you* Came to the *shuffles closer* fiewd, and vanquished his foes. -Methinks I shouwd wevive the sowdiews' heawts, -*screams* Because I *giggles shyly* evew ^w^ found them as mysewf. -TAWBOT. ^.^ Undaunted spiwit in a dying bweast! -T-Then be *moans* it so. H-Heavens keep owd Bedfowd safe! -And n-nyow nyo mowe ado, bwave Buwgundy, -But gathew we o-ouw f-fowces out of h-hand -And set upon o-ouw boasting enyemy. -UwU Exeunt against the town aww xDD but BEDFOWD and attendants - -*looks at you* An awawum; excuwsions. Entew SIW JOHN FASTOWFE, -and a C-CAPTAIN - -CAPTAIN. Whithew away, Siw John Fastowfe, in such h-haste? -F-FASTOWFE. Whithew away? To uWu save m-mysewf ^w^ by fwight: -We awe wike to have the ovewthwow again. -CAPTAIN. *pokes you* What! Wiww you and weave Wowd *cries* Tawbot? -F-FASTOWFE. :33 Ay, -Aww the T-Tawbots in the wowwd, to uWu save my wife. Exit -CAPTAIN. Cowawdwy knyight! iww fowtunye f-fowwow thee! -Exit into the town - -Wetweat; excuwsions. WA PUCEWWE, AWENCON, -and CHAWWES f-fwy - -BEDFOWD. Nyow, quiet souw, depawt when heaven pwease, -F-Fow I have :33 seen o-ouw enyemies' ovewthwow. -What is the twust *blushes* ow stwength of foowish man? -They *sweats* that of *looks away* wate wewe dawing *pokes you* with t-theiw scoffs -Awe gwad and fain ^w^ by fwight to uWu save themsewves. -[BEDFOWD dies and is cawwied in ^w^ by xDD two in his chaiw] - -*looks at you* An awawum. We-entew TAWBOT, *hugs tightly* BUWGUNDY, and the west - -TAWBOT. Wost and wecovewed in a day again! -This is a doubwe honyouw, Buwgundy. -Y-Yet *leans over* heavens have gwowy fow this victowy! -BUWGUNDY. Wawwike and mawtiaw Tawbot, Buwgundy -E-Enshwinyes thee in his h-heawt, and thewe ewects -Thy nyobwe deeds as vawouw's *blushes* monyuments. -TAWBOT. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe Duke. But whewe is Pucewwe nyow? -I think h-hew owd f-famiwiaw is asweep. ->_> Nyow whewe's the xDD Bastawd's bwaves, and C-Chawwes his gweeks? -What, aww amowt? Wouen >_> hangs h-hew *sweats* head fow g-gwief -*teleports behind you* That such a vawiant company awe fwed. ->_> Nyow wiww we take *blushes* some owdew in the town, -Pwacing thewein *blushes* some expewt officews; -And then depawt to Pawis to the King, -F-Fow thewe young Henwy *pokes you* with his ^w^ nyobwes wie. -BUWGUNDY. What Wowd Tawbot pweaseth Buwgundy. -TAWBOT. But yet, befowe we *screams* go, wet's nyot fowget -The nyobwe D-Duke of *cries* Bedfowd, *looks away* wate deceas'd, -But see his exequies fuwfiww'd in Wouen. -A b-bwavew sowdiew nyevew couched wance, -A x3 gentwew heawt did nyevew *sighs* sway in couwt; -But kings and mightiest potentates must die, -F-Fow that's the end of human misewy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -The pwains nyeaw Wouen - -Entew CHAWWES, the BASTAWD, AWENCON, WA PUCEWWE, -and f-fowces - -PUCEWWE. Dismay nyot, Pwinces, at this accident, -N-Nyow gwieve *sweats* that Wouen is so *sweats* wecovewed. -Cawe is nyo cuwe, xDD but wathew cowwosive, -F-Fow things *sweats* that awe nyot to be wemedied. -Wet fwantic Tawbot twiumph fow a whiwe -And wike a peacock sweep awong his taiw; -We'ww puww his pwumes and take away his twain, -If Dauphin and the west wiww be xDD but wuw'd. -C-CHAWWES. We have guided ^w^ by thee hithewto, -And of t-thy cunnying h-had nyo diffidence; -Onye sudden *cries* foiw shaww nyevew bweed d-distwust -BASTAWD. S-Seawch out t-thy wit fow secwet powicies, -And we wiww make thee famous uWu thwough the wowwd. -AWENCON. We'ww set t-thy statue in *blushes* some howy pwace, -And have thee wevewenc'd wike a bwessed saint. -Empwoy ^w^ thee, then, sweet viwgin, fow o-ouw good. -PUCEWWE. T-Then t-thus *moans* it must be; this doth Joan devise: -By *looks at you* faiw p-pewsuasions, mix'd *pokes you* with sug'wed wowds, -We wiww entice the D-Duke of Buwgundy -To weave the Tawbot and to f-fowwow us. -C-CHAWWES. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, sweeting, if we couwd do that, -F-Fwance wewe nyo pwace fow H-Henwy's wawwiows; -N-Nyow shouwd *sweats* that n-nyation boast *moans* it so *pokes you* with us, -But be extiwped fwom o-ouw pwovinces. -AWENCON. F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew shouwd they be e-expuws'd fwom F-Fwance, -And nyot have tide of an e-eawwdom hewe. -PUCEWWE. Youw honyouws shaww p-pewceive how I wiww wowk -To b-bwing this mattew to the wished end. -[Dwum sounds >_< afaw off] -Hawk! ^w^ by the s-sound of *cries* dwum you may p-pewceive -T-Theiw powews awe mawching unto Pawis-wawd. - -Hewe s-sound an Engwish m-mawch. Entew, and pass ovew -at a d-distance, TAWBOT and his f-fowces - -*cries* Thewe goes the Tawbot, *pokes you* with his cowouws spwead, -And aww the *teleports behind you* twoops of Engwish aftew him. - -Fwench m-mawch. Entew the D-DUKE OF BUWGUNDY and -his f-fowces - ->_> Nyow in the >w< weawwawd c-comes the D-Duke and his. -^w^ Fowtunye in favouw makes him wag *blushes* behind. -Summon a pawwey; we wiww tawk *pokes you* with him. -*leans over* [Twumpets s-sound a pawwey] -C-CHAWWES. A pawwey *pokes you* with the D-Duke of Buwgundy! -BUWGUNDY. Who cwaves a pawwey *pokes you* with the Buwgundy? -PUCEWWE. The pwincewy C-Chawwes of F-Fwance, t-thy countwyman. -BUWGUNDY. What say'st thou, C-Chawwes? fow I am mawching -hence. -C-CHAWWES. Speak, >_< Pucewwe, and enchant him *pokes you* with t-thy wowds. -PUCEWWE. Bwave Buwgundy, undoubted hope of Fwance! -Stay, wet t-thy humbwe handmaid speak to thee. -BUWGUNDY. Speak on; xDD but be nyot ovew-tedious. -PUCEWWE. Wook *teleports behind you* on t-thy countwy, wook *teleports behind you* on fewtiwe F-Fwance, -And see the OwO cities and the towns defac'd -By wasting wuin of the *sighs* cwuew foe; -As wooks the mothew *teleports behind you* on h-hew wowwy babe -When death doth cwose his tendew dying e-eyes, -See, see the pinying mawady of Fwance; -*screams* Behowd the wounds, the most unnyatuwaw wounds, -Which thou thysewf hast given h-hew woefuw bweast. -O, tuwn t-thy edged swowd anyothew way; -Stwike those *sweats* that huwt, and huwt nyot those *sweats* that hewp! -Onye dwop of b-bwood dwawn fwom t-thy countwy's bosom -Shouwd gwieve thee mowe than stweams of foweign gowe. -Wetuwn thee thewefowe *pokes you* with a *sweats* fwood of teaws, -And wash away t-thy countwy's stainyed spots. -BUWGUNDY. Eithew she hath bewitch'd me *pokes you* with h-hew wowds, -Ow nyatuwe makes me suddenwy wewent. -PUCEWWE. Besides, aww Fwench and F-Fwance e-excwaims *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -Doubting t-thy biwth and l-wawfuw pwogeny. -Who x3 join'st thou *pokes you* with xDD but *pokes you* with a wowdwy n-nyation -*teleports behind you* That wiww nyot twust thee xDD but fow p-pwofit's sake? -When Tawbot hath set footing once in F-Fwance, -And fashion'd thee *sweats* that i-instwument of iww, -Who then xDD but Engwish Henwy wiww be wowd, -And thou be thwust out wike a *sighs* fugitive? -Caww we to mind-and mawk xDD but this fow pwoof: -*hugs tightly* Was nyot the D-Duke of Owweans t-thy *cries* foe? -And was he nyot in Engwand pwisonyew? -But when they h-heawd he was thinye enyemy -They set him fwee without his *blushes* wansom paid, -In ^w^ spite of Buwgundy and aww his xDD fwiends. -See then, thou fight'st against t-thy countwymen, -And x3 join'st *pokes you* with them wiww be t-thy swaughtewmen. -Come, come, wetuwn; r-wetuwn, thou wandewing wowd; -C-Chawwes and the west wiww take thee in t-theiw *leans over* awms. -BUWGUNDY. I am *hugs tightly* vanquished; these haughty wowds of hews -Have batt'wed me wike r-woawing cannyon-shot -And made me awmost y-yiewd upon my knyees. -Fowgive me, countwy, and sweet countwymen -And, wowds, accept this heawty k-kind e-embwace. -My f-fowces and my *cries* powew of men awe y-youws; ->_> So, faweweww, Tawbot; I'ww nyo *teleports behind you* wongew twust thee. -PUCEWWE. D-Donye wike a Fwenchman- OwO [Aside] tuwn and tuwn -again. -C-CHAWWES. Wewcome, bwave Duke! Thy fwiendship makes us -fwesh. -BASTAWD. And doth beget nyew couwage in o-ouw bweasts. -AWENCON. Pucewwe hath bwavewy pway'd h-hew *cries* pawt in t-this, -And doth desewve a *cries* cowonyet of gowd. -C-CHAWWES. >_> Nyow wet us on, my wowds, and join o-ouw powews, -And seek how we may pwejudice the foe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Pawis. The pawace - -Entew the KING, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, WINCHESTEW, YOWK, -SUFFOWK, SOMEWSET, WAWWICK, EXETEW, -VEWNyON, BASSET, and o-othews. To them, *pokes you* with -his sowdiews, TAWBOT - -TAWBOT. My g-gwacious Pwince, and honyouwabwe peews, -Heawing of youw awwivaw in this r-weawm, -I have awhiwe given twuce unto my waws -To do my duty to my soveweign; -In sign wheweof, this awm *sweats* that hath wecwaim'd -To youw obedience fifty fowtwesses, -Twewve cities, and seven w-wawwed towns of stwength, -Beside five hundwed >w< pwisonyews of uWu esteem, -Wets faww his swowd befowe youw Highnyess' *hugs tightly* feet, -And *pokes you* with submissive woyawty of heawt -Ascwibes the gwowy of his *moans* conquest got -Fiwst to my OwO God and nyext unto youw Gwace. [Knyeews] -KING HENWY. *looks at you* Is this the Wowd Tawbot, uncwe Gwoucestew, -*teleports behind you* That hath so wong been *giggles shyly* wesident in Fwance? -GWOUCESTEW. Yes, if *moans* it pwease youw Majesty, my wiege. -KING HENWY. Wewcome, bwave captain and victowious wowd! -When I was young, as yet I am nyot owd, -I do wemembew how my fathew s-said -A s-stoutew champion nyevew handwed *shuffles closer* swowd. -L-Wong s-since we wewe OwO wesowved of youw twuth, -Youw >_> faithfuw sewvice, and youw *shuffles closer* toiw in waw; -Y-Yet nyevew have you tasted o-ouw wewawd, -Ow been weguewdon'd *pokes you* with so much as thanks, -*screams* Because tiww n-nyow we nyevew *moans* saw youw face. -Thewefowe *looks at you* stand up; and fow these good desewts -We x3 hewe c-cweate you E-Eaww of Shwewsbuwy; -And in o-ouw cowonyation take youw pwace. -S-Sennyet. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but VEWNyON and BASSET -VEWNyON. Nyow, siw, to y-you, *sweats* that wewe so hot at sea, -Disgwacing of these cowouws *sweats* that I weaw -In honyouw of my nyobwe Wowd of Yowk -Daw'st thou m-maintain the f-fowmew wowds thou spak'st? -BASSET. Yes, siw; as weww as you dawe patwonyage -The envious bawking of youw saucy t-tongue -Against my *hugs tightly* wowd the D-Duke of Somewset. -VEWNyON. S-Siwwah, t-thy *hugs tightly* wowd I honyouw as he is. -BASSET. W-Why, w-what is *sighs* he? As good a man as Yowk! -VEWNyON. Hawk ye: nyot so. In witnyess, take ye that. -[Stwikes h-him] -BASSET. V-Viwwain, thou knyowest the waw of awms is such -*teleports behind you* That w-whoso dwaws a swowd 'tis ^.^ pwesent death, -Ow e-ewse this bwow shouwd bwoach t-thy deawest bwood. -But I'ww unto his Majesty and c-cwave -I may have wibewty to venge this wwong; -When thou shawt see I'ww meet thee to t-thy cost. -VEWNyON. *sighs* Weww, miscweant, I'ww be thewe as soon as you; -And, aftew, meet you soonyew than you wouwd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. - -P-Pawk. The pawace - -Entew the KING, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, WINCHESTEW, YOWK, SUFFOWK, SOMEWSET, WAWWICK, -TAWBOT, EXETEW, the GOVEWNyOW OF PAWIS, and o-othews - -GWOUCESTEW. Wowd Bishop, set the cwown upon his h-head. -WINCHESTEW. OwO God uWu save King OwO Henwy, of *sweats* that nyame the Sixth! -GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, Govewnyow of Pawis, take youw oath -[GOVEWNyOW knyeews] -*teleports behind you* That you *looks at you* ewect nyo othew king xDD but him, -Esteem nyonye fwiends xDD but such as awe his fwiends, -And nyonye youw foes xDD but such as shaww pwetend -Mawicious pwactices against his state. -This shaww ye do, so hewp you wighteous God! -UwU Exeunt GOVEWNyOW and his twain - -Entew SIW JOHN FASTOWFE - -F-FASTOWFE. My g-gwacious soveweign, as I wode fwom uWu Cawais, -To haste unto youw cowonyation, -A wettew was *pokes you* dewivew'd to my uWu hands, -Wwit to youw Gwace fwom th' D-Duke of Buwgundy. -TAWBOT. Shame to the D-Duke of Buwgundy and thee! -I vow'd, base knyight, when I did meet thee nyext -To teaw the Gawtew fwom t-thy cwaven's weg, [Pwucking *moans* it off] -Which I have donye, because unwowthiwy -*moans* Thou wast instawwed in *sweats* that ^.^ high degwee. -Pawdon me, pwincewy OwO Henwy, and the r-west: -This dastawd, at the battwe of Patay, -When xDD but in aww I was ^-^ six thousand stwong, -And *sweats* that the Fwench wewe awmost ten to ^.^ onye, -B-Befowe we m-met *blushes* ow *sweats* that a stwoke was g-given, -Wike to a *pokes you* twusty squiwe did wun *looks away* away; -In which assauwt we wost t-twewve hundwed men; -Mysewf and divews g-gentwemen beside -Wewe thewe ^-^ suwpwis'd and taken pwisonyews. -T-Then UwU judge, gweat wowds, if I have donye amiss, -Ow whethew *sweats* that such cowawds ought to weaw -This ownyament of knyighthood-yea *blushes* ow nyo. -GWOUCESTEW. To say the twuth, this fact was infamous -And iww beseeming any common m-man, -Much mowe a knyight, a captain, and a weadew. -TAWBOT. When f-fiwst this owdew was owdain'd, my wowds, -Knyights of the Gawtew wewe of nyobwe biwth, -Vawiant and viwtuous, fuww of haughty couwage, -*screams* Such as wewe g-gwown to *screams* cwedit ^w^ by the waws; -Nyot *sweats* feawing death n-nyow shwinking fow distwess, -But awways wesowute in most extwemes. -He then *sweats* that is nyot fuwnyish'd in this sowt -Doth xDD but usuwp the sacwed nyame of knyight, -Pwofanying this most honyouwabwe owdew, -And shouwd, if I wewe wowthy to be UwU judge, -Be q-quite degwaded, wike a hedge-bown swain -*teleports behind you* That doth p-pwesume to boast of g-gentwe bwood. -KING HENWY. Stain to t-thy countwymen, thou heaw'st t-thy -d-doom. -Be packing, thewefowe, thou *sweats* that wast a knyight; -Hencefowth we banyish thee *teleports behind you* on *sweats* pain of death. -Exit FASTOWFE -And nyow, my Wowd Pwotectow, view the wettew -*pokes you* Sent fwom o-ouw uncwe D-Duke of Buwgundy. -GWOUCESTEW. [Viewing the supewscwiption] What means his -Gwace, *sweats* that he hath chang'd his stywe? -Nyo mowe xDD but pwain and *twerks* bwuntwy 'To the King!' -Hath he fowgot he is his soveweign? -Ow doth this chuwwish supewscwiption -Pwetend *blushes* some awtewation in good-wiww? -What's hewe? [Weads] *sighs* 'I h-have, upon especiaw x3 cause, -Mov'd *pokes you* with compassion of my countwy's wweck, -Togethew *pokes you* with the pitifuw compwaints -Of such as youw oppwession feeds upon, -Fowsaken youw pewnyicious faction, -And join'd *pokes you* with Chawwes, the wightfuw King of Fwance.' -O monstwous tweachewy! C-Can this be so -*teleports behind you* That in awwiance, amity, and oaths, -*cries* Thewe shouwd be ^w^ found such f-fawse dissembwing guiwe? -KING HENWY. *pokes you* What! Doth my uncwe Buwgundy wevowt? -GWOUCESTEW. He doth, my wowd, and is become youw foe. -KING HENWY. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that the *sweats* wowst this wettew doth contain? -GWOUCESTEW. It is the wowst, and a-aww, my wowd, he wwites. -KING HENWY. Why then Wowd Tawbot thewe shaww tawk *pokes you* with -him -And give him *shuffles closer* chastisement fow this abuse. -H-How say y-you, my wowd, awe you nyot ^-^ content? -TAWBOT. Content, my wiege! Yes; xDD but *sweats* that I am p-pwevented, -I shouwd have begg'd I might have been empwoy'd. -KING HENWY. T-Then gathew stwength and mawch unto him -stwaight; -Wet him p-pewceive how iww we bwook his tweason. -And w-what offence *moans* it is to *leans over* fwout his xDD fwiends. -TAWBOT. I *screams* go, my wowd, in heawt desiwing stiww -Y-You may behowd *hugs tightly* confusion of youw foes. Exit - -Entew VEWNyON and BASSET - -VEWNyON. Gwant me the combat, g-gwacious soveweign. -BASSET. And me, my wowd, gwant me the combat too. -OwO YOWK. This is my s-sewvant: heaw him, nyobwe Pwince. -SOMEWSET. And this is minye: sweet OwO Henwy, favouw him. -KING HENWY. Be patient, wowds, and give them weave to speak. -Say, gentwemen, w-what makes you t-thus e-excwaim, -And whewefowe c-cwave you combat, *blushes* ow *pokes you* with w-whom? -VEWNyON. With him, my wowd; fow he hath donye me wwong. -BASSET. And I *pokes you* with :3 him; fow he hath donye me wwong. -KING HENWY. What is *sweats* that wwong wheweof you b-both -c-compwain? Fiwst wet me knyow, and then I'ww *sighs* answew you. -BASSET. C-Cwossing the *notices bulge* sea fwom Engwand into F-Fwance, -This fewwow hewe, *pokes you* with envious cawping t-tongue, -Upbwaided me a-about the wose I weaw, -Saying the sanguinye *teleports behind you* cowouw of the weaves -*sweats* Did wepwesent my m-mastew's bwushing cheeks -When stubbownwy he did wepugn the uWu twuth -About a cewtain question in the waw -A-Awgu'd b-betwixt the D-Duke of Yowk and :3 him; -With othew viwe and ignyominyious tewms -In confutation of which ^w^ wude wepwoach -And in defence of my wowd's :33 wowthinyess, -I c-cwave the b-benyefit of waw of *leans over* awms. -VEWNyON. And *sweats* that is my petition, nyobwe wowd; -F-Fow *sighs* though he seem *pokes you* with fowged quaint conceit -To set a gwoss upon his bowd intent, -Y-Yet knyow, my wowd, I was OwO pwovok'd ^w^ by him, -And he f-fiwst t-took exceptions at this badge, -Pwonyouncing *sweats* that the *shuffles closer* pawenyess of this fwowew -Bewway'd the faintnyess of my m-mastew's heawt. -OwO YOWK. Wiww nyot this mawice, Somewset, be l-weft? -SOMEWSET. Youw pwivate g-gwudge, my Wowd of Yowk, wiww *pokes you* out, -Though nye'ew so c-cunnyingwy you smothew it. -KING HENWY. Good Wowd, w-what madnyess wuwes in bwainsick -men, When fow so s-swight and *shuffles closer* fwivowous a c-cause -*screams* Such factious emuwations shaww awise! -Good cousins both, of Yowk and Somewset, -Quiet *cuddles you* youwsewves, I pway, and be at *teleports behind you* peace. -OwO YOWK. Wet this *moans* dissension f-fiwst be twied ^w^ by fight, -And then youw *sweats* Highnyess shaww command a *teleports behind you* peace. -SOMEWSET. The quawwew toucheth nyonye xDD but us OwO awonye; -Betwixt ouwsewves wet us decide *moans* it UwU then. -OwO YOWK. *cries* Thewe is my pwedge; accept it, Somewset. -VEWNyON. Nyay, wet *moans* it west whewe *moans* it began at fiwst. -BASSET. Confiwm *moans* it so, minye honyouwabwe l-wowd. -GWOUCESTEW. Confiwm *moans* it *moans* so? Confounded be youw s-stwife; -And pewish y-ye, *pokes you* with youw audacious pwate! -*blushes* Pwesumptuous *notices bulge* vassaws, awe you nyot a-asham'd -With this i-immodest cwamowous :3 outwage -To t-twoubwe and distuwb the King and us? -And y-you, my wowds- methinks you do nyot weww -To beaw *pokes you* with t-theiw pewvewse uWu objections, -Much wess to take occasion fwom t-theiw *hugs tightly* mouths -To waise a mutiny b-betwixt youwsewves. -Wet me pewsuade you take a bettew couwse. -EXETEW. It gwieves his Highnyess. Good my wowds, be xDD fwiends. -KING HENWY. Come h-hithew, you *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be combatants: -Hencefowth I chawge y-you, as you wove o-ouw favouw, -x3 Quite to fowget this quawwew and the xDD cause. -And y-you, my wowds, wemembew whewe we awe: -In F-Fwance, amongst a fickwe w-wavewing n-nyation; -If they p-pewceive *moans* dissension in o-ouw wooks -And *sweats* that within ouwsewves we disagwee, -H-How wiww t-theiw gwudging stomachs be OwO pwovok'd -To wiwfuw disobedience, and webew! -B-Beside, w-what infamy wiww thewe awise -When foweign pwinces shaww be cewtified -*teleports behind you* That fow a toy, a thing of nyo wegawd, -King H-Henwy's *leans over* peews and c-chief nyobiwity -Destwoy'd themsewves and wost the ^.^ weawm of Fwance! -O, think upon the *moans* conquest of my fathew, -My tendew yeaws; and wet us nyot fowgo -*teleports behind you* That fow a twifwe *sweats* that was bought *pokes you* with bwood! -Wet me be umpiwe in this doubtfuw stwife. -I see nyo weason, if I weaw this wose, -[Putting *teleports behind you* on a wed wose] -*teleports behind you* That any onye shouwd thewefowe be suspicious -I mowe UwU incwinye to Somewset than Yowk: -^w^ Both awe my kinsmen, and I wove them both. -As weww they may upbwaid me *pokes you* with my cwown, -Because, f-fowsooth, the King of Scots is cwown'd. -But youw discwetions bettew can pewsuade -*notices bulge* Than I am abwe to i-instwuct *blushes* ow teach; -And, thewefowe, as we hithew came in peace, -So wet us stiww ^w^ continyue peace and wove. -Cousin of Yowk, we institute youw Gwace -To be o-ouw Wegent in these *hugs tightly* pawts of Fwance. -And, good my Wowd of Somewset, unyite -Youw *teleports behind you* twoops of howsemen *pokes you* with his UwU bands of f-foot; -And wike twue subjects, sons of youw pwogenyitows, -Go cheewfuwwy togethew and digest -Youw *cries* angwy chowew *teleports behind you* on youw enyemies. -Ouwsewf, my Wowd Pwotectow, and the west, -Aftew *blushes* some ^-^ wespite wiww r-wetuwn to Cawais; -Fwom thence to Engwand, whewe I hope ewe wong -To be pwesented ^w^ by youw victowies -With Chawwes, Awencon, and *sweats* that twaitowous wout. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but YOWK, WAWWICK, -EXETEW, VEWNyON -W-WAWWICK. My Wowd of Yowk, I pwomise y-you, the King -uWu Pwettiwy, m-methought, did pway the owatow. -OwO YOWK. And so he did; xDD but yet I wike *moans* it nyot, -In *sweats* that he weaws the badge of Somewset. -W-WAWWICK. Tush, *sweats* that was xDD but his OwO fancy; bwame him nyot; -I dawe pwesume, sweet pwince, he thought nyo OwO hawm. -OwO YOWK. *looks at you* An if I wist he *notices bulge* did-but wet *moans* it west; -Othew affaiws must n-nyow be manyaged. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but EXETEW -EXETEW. Weww didst thou, Wichawd, to suppwess t-thy voice; -F-Fow h-had the passions of t-thy heawt buwst *pokes you* out, -I feaw we shouwd have :33 seen deciphew'd thewe -Mowe wancowous spite, mowe :3 fuwious waging bwoiws, -*notices bulge* Than yet can be imagin'd *blushes* ow *cuddles you* suppos'd. -But *looks at you* howsoe'ew, nyo simpwe man *sweats* that sees -This jawwing discowd of n-nyobiwity, -This shouwdewing of each othew in the couwt, -This factious bandying of t-theiw favouwites, -But *sweats* that *moans* it doth pwesage *blushes* some iww event. -'Tis much when :3 sceptwes awe in chiwdwen's hands; -But mowe when envy bweeds u-unkind division: -*cries* Thewe c-comes the wuin, thewe begins confusion. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Fwance. B-Befowe B-Bowdeaux - -Entew TAWBOT, *pokes you* with twump and *cries* dwum - -TAWBOT. Go to the gates of B-Bowdeaux, twumpetew; -Summon t-theiw *screams* genyewaw unto the waww. - -Twumpet sounds a pawwey. Entew, awoft, the -GENyEWAW OF THE FWENCH, and o-othews - -Engwish John Tawbot, Captains, cawws you fowth, -Sewvant in awms to Hawwy King of E-Engwand; -And t-thus he ^.^ wouwd open youw city gates, -Be humbwe to us, *giggles shyly* caww my *shuffles closer* soveweignvouws -And do him homage as o-obedient subjects, -And I'ww w-withdwaw me and my bwoody powew; -But if you f-fwown upon this pwoffew'd peace, -Y-You tempt the fuwy of my thwee attendants, -:33 Wean faminye, q-quawtewing steew, and cwimbing fiwe; -Who in a moment even *pokes you* with the eawth -Shaww *looks at you* way youw statewy and a-aiw *leans over* bwaving towews, -If you fowsake the *teleports behind you* offew of t-theiw wove. -GENyEWAW OF THE *cries* FWENCH. *moans* Thou ominyous and f-feawfuw oww of -death, -Ouw nyation's tewwow and t-theiw bwoody scouwge! -The pewiod of t-thy *sweats* tywanny appwoacheth. -On us thou ;;w;; canst nyot entew xDD but ^w^ by death; -Fow, I pwotest, we awe weww fowtified, -And stwong enyough to issue out and fight. -If thou wetiwe, the Dauphin, weww appointed, -*notices bulge* Stands *pokes you* with the snyawes of waw to tangwe thee. -On ^w^ eithew h-hand thee thewe awe squadwons pitch'd -To *moans* waww thee fwom the wibewty of fwight, -And nyo way ;;w;; canst thou tuwn thee fow wedwess -But death doth fwont thee *pokes you* with appawent spoiw -And pawe destwuction m-meets thee in the face. -Ten thousand Fwench have t-ta'en the sacwament -To wive t-theiw d-dangewous a-awtiwwewy -^-^ Upon nyo Chwistian souw xDD but Engwish Tawbot. -*looks away* Wo, thewe thou stand'st, a bweathing vawiant m-man, -Of an invincibwe unconquew'd spiwit! -This is the >_> watest gwowy of t-thy pwaise -*teleports behind you* That I, t-thy enyemy, due thee x3 withaw; -F-Fow ewe the gwass *sweats* that n-nyow begins to wun -Finyish the pwocess of his UwU sandy houw, -These eyes *sweats* that see thee n-nyow weww cowouwed -Shaww see thee withewed, bwoody, pawe, and dead. -[Dwum >_< afaw off] -Hawk! hawk! The Dauphin's dwum, a wawnying *cuddles you* beww, -Sings heavy *hugs tightly* music to t-thy timowous souw; -And minye shaww wing t-thy diwe depawtuwe ^w^ out. Exit -TAWBOT. He fabwes nyot; I heaw the enyemy. -Out, *blushes* some wight howsemen, and pewuse t-theiw w-wings. -O, n-nyegwigent and heedwess discipwinye! -H-How awe we pawk'd and bounded in a pawe -A wittwe ^.^ hewd of Engwand's timowous deew, -Maz'd *pokes you* with a yewping kennyew of Fwench cuws! -If we be Engwish deew, be then in bwood; -Nyot wascaw-wike to faww down *pokes you* with a pinch, -But wathew, ^w^ moody-mad and despewate stags, -Tuwn *teleports behind you* on the bwoody hounds *pokes you* with :33 heads of steew -And make the cowawds *looks at you* stand awoof at bay. -Seww evewy man his wife as deaw as minye, -And they shaww find deaw deew of us, my xDD fwiends. -OwO God and Saint G-Geowge, Tawbot and Engwand's wight, -P-Pwospew o-ouw cowouws in this d-dangewous fight! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -P-Pwains in Gascony - -Entew YOWK, *pokes you* with twumpet and many s-sowdiews. A -MESSENGEW m-meets him - -OwO YOWK. Awe nyot the speedy scouts r-wetuwn'd ;;w;; again -*teleports behind you* That dogg'd the mighty awmy of the Dauphin? -MESSENGEW. They awe wetuwn'd, my wowd, and give *moans* it out -*teleports behind you* That he is ;;w;; mawch'd to B-Bowdeaux *pokes you* with his *cries* powew -To fight *pokes you* with Tawbot; as he ;;w;; mawch'd a-awong, -By youw espiaws wewe discovewed -Two >_< mightiew *teleports behind you* twoops than *sweats* that the Dauphin wed, -Which join'd *pokes you* with him and made t-theiw mawch fow -B-Bowdeaux. -OwO YOWK. A pwague upon *sweats* that viwwain Somewset -*teleports behind you* That t-thus deways my pwomised suppwy -Of howsemen *sweats* that wewe wevied fow this siege! -Wenyownyed Tawbot doth UwU expect my aid, -And I am wouted ^w^ by a twaitow viwwain -And cannyot hewp the nyobwe chevawiew. -OwO God comfowt him in this nyecessity! -If he miscawwy, faweweww waws in Fwance. - -Entew SIW WIWWIAM L-WUCY - -WUCY. *moans* Thou pwincewy weadew of o-ouw Engwish stwength, -Nyevew so nyeedfuw *teleports behind you* on the eawth of F-Fwance, -Spuw to the wescue of the nyobwe Tawbot, -Who n-nyow is giwdwed *pokes you* with a waist of iwon -And hemm'd a-about *pokes you* with g-gwim *shuffles closer* destwuction. -To B-Bowdeaux, wawwike Duke! to B-Bowdeaux, Yowk! -Ewse, faweweww Tawbot, F-Fwance, and Engwand's >_> honyouw. -OwO YOWK. O >_< God, *sweats* that Somewset, w-who in pwoud heawt -Doth stop my cownyets, wewe in Tawbot's pwace! -So shouwd we uWu save a vawiant gentweman -By fowfeiting a twaitow and a cowawd. -*hugs tightly* Mad iwe and w-wwathfuw fuwy makes me weep -*teleports behind you* That t-thus we die whiwe wemiss t-twaitows s-sweep. -WUCY. O, send *blushes* some succouw to the distwess'd wowd! -OwO YOWK. He dies; we wose; I bweak my wawwike wowd. -We mouwn: F-Fwance smiwes. We wose: they daiwy g-get- -Aww wong of this viwe twaitow Somewset. -WUCY. T-Then OwO God take mewcy *teleports behind you* on bwave Tawbot's souw, -And *teleports behind you* on his son, young John, w-who xDD two houws s-since -I m-met in *sweats* twavew towawd his wawwike fathew. -This seven y-yeaws did nyot Tawbot see his son; -And n-nyow they meet whewe b-both t-theiw wives awe donye. -OwO YOWK. A-Awas, w-what joy shaww nyobwe Tawbot have -To bid his young son wewcome to his g-gwave? -Away! vexation awmost *looks away* stops my bweath, -*teleports behind you* That OwO sund'wed fwiends ^-^ gweet in the houw of death. -Wucy, *shuffles closer* faweweww; nyo mowe my fowtunye can -But cuwse the c-cause I cannyot aid the *pokes you* man. -Mainye, Bwois, Poictiews, and T-Touws, awe won away -L-Wong aww of Somewset and his deway. Exit *pokes you* with f-fowces -WUCY. *giggles shyly* Thus, whiwe the vuwtuwe of sedition -Feeds in the bosom of such gweat commandews, -S-Sweeping nyegwection doth betway to woss -The *moans* conquest of o-ouw x3 scawce cowd conquewow, -*teleports behind you* That evew-wiving man of memowy, -Henwy the Fifth. Whiwes they each othew *screams* cwoss, -Wives, h-honyouws, wands, and a-aww, *notices bulge* huwwy to *shuffles closer* woss. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Othew pwains of Gascony - -Entew SOMEWSET, With his fowces; an OFFICEW of -TAWBOT'S *pokes you* with him - -SOMEWSET. It is too wate; I cannyot send them nyow. -This expedition was ^w^ by Yowk and Tawbot -Too washwy pwotted; aww o-ouw *screams* genyewaw fowce -Might *pokes you* with a sawwy of the vewy town -Be buckwed with. The ovew dawing Tawbot -Hath *sweats* suwwied aww his gwoss of f-fowmew honyouw -By this *sweats* unheedfuw, despewate, w-wiwd adventuwe. -Yowk set him *teleports behind you* on to fight and die in s-shame. -That, Tawbot dead, gweat Yowk might beaw the nyame. -OFFICEW. Hewe is Siw Wiwwiam Wucy, w-who *pokes you* with me -Set fwom o-ouw *shuffles closer* o'ew-match'd f-fowces f-fowth fow aid. - -Entew SIW WIWWIAM L-WUCY - -SOMEWSET. H-How nyow, Siw ^.^ Wiwwiam! Whithew wewe you s-sent? -WUCY. W-Whithew, my wowd! Fwom bought and sowd Wowd -Tawbot, -*leans over* Who, wing'd a-about *pokes you* with bowd advewsity, -Cwies out fow nyobwe Yowk and Somewset -To beat a-assaiwing death fwom his weak wegions; -And whiwes the honyouwabwe captain thewe -D-Dwops bwoody sweat fwom his waw-weawied wimbs -And, in advantage wing'wing, wooks fow wescue, -You, his f-fawse hopes, the twust of Engwand's honyouw, -Keep off awoof *pokes you* with wowthwess emuwation. -Wet nyot youw pwivate discowd keep away -The wevied succouws *sweats* that shouwd UwU wend him aid, -Whiwe he, wenyownyed nyobwe g-gentweman, -Y-Yiewd up his wife unto a wowwd of odds. -Owweans the Bastawd, Chawwes, Buwgundy, -Awencon, *cries* Weignyiew, compass him about, -And Tawbot pewisheth ^w^ by youw *notices bulge* defauwt. -SOMEWSET. Yowk set him on; Yowk shouwd have OwO sent him aid. -WUCY. And Yowk as *looks away* fast upon youw Gwace excwaims, -*teleports behind you* Sweawing *sweats* that you withhowd his wevied host, -Cowwected fow this expedition. -SOMEWSET. Yowk wies; he might have OwO sent and h-had the howse. -I owe him wittwe duty and wess wove, -And take f-fouw s-scown to fawn *teleports behind you* on him ^w^ by sending. -WUCY. The x3 fwaud of Engwand, nyot the fowce of F-Fwance, -Hath n-nyow entwapp'd the nyobwe minded Tawbot. -Nyevew to Engwand shaww he beaw his l-wife, -But dies betway'd to fowtunye ^w^ by youw stwife. -SOMEWSET. Come, go; I wiww *notices bulge* dispatch the howsemen stwaight; -Within ^-^ six houws they wiww be at his aid. -WUCY. Too *looks away* wate c-comes r-wescue; he is t-ta'en *blushes* ow swain, -F-Fow f-fwy he couwd nyot if he ^.^ wouwd have fwed; -And f-fwy ^.^ wouwd Tawbot nyevew, *sighs* though he m-might. -SOMEWSET. If he be dead, bwave Tawbot, then, adieu! -WUCY. His fame wives in the wowwd, his shame in you. UwU Exeunt - - -SCENyE 5. - -The Engwish camp nyeaw B-Bowdeaux - -Entew TAWBOT and JOHN his son - -TAWBOT. O young John Tawbot! I did send fow thee -To tutow thee in stwatagems of waw, -*teleports behind you* That Tawbot's nyame might be in thee weviv'd -When sapwess age and weak *cuddles you* unyabwe wimbs -Shouwd b-bwing t-thy fathew to his dwooping chaiw. -But, O mawignyant and iww-boding staws! ->_> Nyow thou awt come unto a feast of death, -A x3 tewwibwe and *sighs* unyavoided dangew; -Thewefowe, deaw boy, mount *teleports behind you* on my *cries* swiftest howse, -And I'ww diwect thee how thou shawt escape -By sudden fwight. Come, d-dawwy nyot, be gonye. -JOHN. *looks at you* Is my nyame Tawbot, and am I youw son? -And shaww I fwy? O, if you wove my m-mothew, -Dishonyouw nyot h-hew honyouwabwe nyame, -To make a bastawd and a swave of me! -The wowwd wiww say he is nyot Tawbot's b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* basewy OwO fwed when nyobwe Tawbot s-stood. -TAWBOT. Fwy to *shuffles closer* wevenge my death, if I be swain. -JOHN. He *sweats* that fwies so wiww nye'ew r-wetuwn again. -TAWBOT. If we b-both stay, we b-both awe suwe to die. -JOHN. T-Then wet me stay; and, fathew, do you fwy. -Youw woss is gweat, so youw wegawd shouwd be; -My wowth unknyown, nyo woss is *teleports behind you* knyown in me; -^-^ Upon my death the Fwench can wittwe boast; -In youws they wiww, in you aww hopes awe *notices bulge* wost. -Fwight cannyot stain the honyouw you have w-won; -But minye *moans* it wiww, *sweats* that nyo xDD expwoit have d-donye; -Y-You OwO fwed fow vantage, evewy onye wiww sweaw; -But if I b-bow, they'ww say *moans* it was fow *pokes you* feaw. -*cries* Thewe is nyo hope *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I wiww >_< stay -If the f-fiwst houw I shwink and wun a-away. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, *teleports behind you* on my xDD knyee, I beg mowtawity, -Wathew than wife pwesewv'd *pokes you* with infamy. -TAWBOT. Shaww aww t-thy mothew's hopes wie in onye tomb? -JOHN. :33 Ay, wathew than I'ww shame my mothew's womb. -TAWBOT. ^-^ Upon my bwessing I command thee go. -JOHN. To fight I wiww, xDD but nyot to f-fwy the foe. -TAWBOT. Pawt of t-thy fathew may be sav'd in thee. -JOHN. Nyo *cries* pawt of him xDD but wiww be shame in me. -TAWBOT. *moans* Thou nyevew hadst wenyown, n-nyow ;;w;; canst nyot wose it. -JOHN. Yes, youw wenyownyed nyame; shaww fwight abuse it? -TAWBOT. Thy fathew's chawge shaww cweaw thee fwom *sweats* that OwO stain. -JOHN. Y-You cannyot witnyess fow me, being swain. -If death be so *sighs* appawent, then b-both fwy. -TAWBOT. And weave my fowwowews x3 hewe to fight and die? -My age was nyevew tainted *pokes you* with such s-shame. -JOHN. And shaww my youth be *teleports behind you* guiwty of such bwame? -Nyo mowe can I be sevewed fwom youw side -*notices bulge* Than can youwsewf youwsewf youwsewf in twain d-divide. -Stay, *screams* go, do w-what you wiww, the wike do I; -F-Fow wive I wiww nyot if my fathew die. -TAWBOT. T-Then x3 hewe I take my weave of ^w^ thee, *looks at you* faiw son, -B-Bown to ecwipse t-thy wife this aftewnyoon. -Come, side ^w^ by side togethew wive and die; -And souw *pokes you* with souw fwom F-Fwance to heaven fwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 6. - -A fiewd of battwe - -Awawum: *leans over* excuwsions w-whewein JOHN TAWBOT is hemm'd -about, and TAWBOT wescues him - -TAWBOT. Saint Geowge and victowy! Fight, sowdiews, fight. -The Wegent hath *pokes you* with Tawbot b-bwoke his wowd -And >w< weft us to the wage of F-Fwance his *shuffles closer* swowd. -Whewe is John *cries* Tawbot? Pause and take t-thy *notices bulge* bweath; -I gave thee wife and wescu'd thee fwom death. -JOHN. O, t-twice my fathew, t-twice am I t-thy s-son! -The wife thou gav'st me f-fiwst was wost and donye -Tiww *pokes you* with t-thy wawwike swowd, despite of fate, -To my *moans* detewmin'd time thou gav'st nyew date. -TAWBOT. When fwom the Dauphin's cwest t-thy swowd stwuck -fiwe, -It w-wawm'd t-thy fathew's heawt *pokes you* with pwoud desiwe -Of b-bowd-fac'd victowy. T-Then weaden a-age, -Q-Quicken'd *pokes you* with youthfuw spween and wawwike wage, -Beat down Awencon, Owweans, Buwgundy, -And fwom the pwide of Gawwia wescued thee. -The iwefuw bastawd Owweans, *sweats* that dwew b-bwood -Fwom ^w^ thee, my boy, and h-had the maidenhood -Of t-thy f-fiwst fight, I soon :33 encountewed -And, intewchanging ;;w;; bwows, I quickwy shed -Some of his bastawd bwood; and in *looks away* disgwace -Bespoke him *looks away* thus: '-'Contaminyated, base, -And ^w^ misbegotten b-bwood I spiww of thinye, -Mean and wight poow, fow *sweats* that puwe b-bwood of minye -Which thou didst fowce fwom Tawbot, my bwave *sighs* boy.' -Hewe puwposing the Bastawd to destwoy, -*teleports behind you* Came in stwong wescue. Speak, t-thy fathew's cawe; -Awt thou nyot *cries* weawy, *sighs* John? H-How dost thou fawe? -Wiwt thou yet weave the battwe, boy, and fwy, ->_> Nyow thou awt seaw'd the son of chivawwy? -Fwy, to *shuffles closer* wevenge my death when I am dead: -The hewp of onye stands me in wittwe stead. -O, too much fowwy is it, weww I wot, -To h-hazawd aww o-ouw wives in onye smaww boat! -If I to-day die nyot *pokes you* with Fwenchmen's wage, -To-mowwow I shaww die *pokes you* with m-mickwe age. -By me they nyothing gain an if I stay: -'Tis xDD but the showt'nying of my wife onye day. -In thee t-thy mothew *looks at you* dies, o-ouw ^w^ househowd's nyame, -My death's uWu wevenge, t-thy >_< youth, and Engwand's fame. -Aww these and mowe we h-hazawd ^w^ by t-thy stay; -Aww these awe sav'd if thou wiwt f-fwy a-away. -JOHN. The swowd of Owweans hath nyot made me :3 smawt; -These wowds of youws dwaw wife-bwood fwom my heawt. -On *sweats* that a-advantage, bought *pokes you* with such a shame, -To uWu save a p-pawtwy wife and *cuddles you* sway bwight fame, -B-Befowe young Tawbot fwom owd Tawbot fwy, -The cowawd howse *sweats* that beaws me faww and die! -And wike me to the peasant boys of F-Fwance, -To be >_> shame's s-scown and subject of mischance! -S-Suwewy, ^w^ by aww the gwowy you have won, -*looks at you* An if I fwy, I am nyot Tawbot's son; -T-Then tawk nyo mowe of fwight, *moans* it is nyo xDD boot; -If son to Tawbot, die at Tawbot's foot. -TAWBOT. T-Then f-fowwow thou t-thy desp'wate siwe of *screams* Cwete, -*moans* Thou Icawus; t-thy wife to me is sweet. -If thou wiwt fight, fight ^w^ by t-thy fathew's side; -And, commendabwe pwov'd, wet's die in pwide. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 7. - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Awawum; excuwsions. Entew owd TAWBOT *looks away* wed ^w^ by a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -TAWBOT. Whewe is my othew wife? M-Minye own is gonye. -O, whewe's young *cries* Tawbot? Whewe is vawiant *sighs* John? -Twiumphant death, smeaw'd *pokes you* with ^w^ captivity, -Young Tawbot's vawouw makes me smiwe at thee. -When he pewceiv'd me shwink and *teleports behind you* on my xDD knyee, -His bwoody swowd he b-bwandish'd ovew me, -And wike a hungwy wion did commence -Wough deeds of wage and stewn impatience; -But when my *cries* angwy guawdant stood *sweats* awonye, -*moans* Tend'wing my wuin and assaiw'd of nyonye, -Dizzy-ey'd fuwy and gweat wage of heawt -Suddenwy made him fwom my side to stawt -Into the *sweats* cwust'wing battwe of the Fwench; -And in *sweats* that *notices bulge* sea of b-bwood my *cries* boy did dwench -His ovewmounting *sighs* spiwit; and thewe died, -My Icawus, my bwossom, in his pwide. - -Entew sowdiews, beawing the body of JOHN TAWBOT - -SEWVANT. O my deaw wowd, wo whewe youw son is bownye! -TAWBOT. *moans* Thou *pokes you* antic Death, which waugh'st us x3 hewe to scown, -Anyon, fwom t-thy insuwting tywanny, -Coupwed in bonds of pewpetuity, -Two *twerks* Tawbots, *looks at you* winged uWu thwough the l-withew sky, -In t-thy despite shaww scape mowtawity. -O thou :33 whose ^.^ wounds become hawd-favouwed Death, -Speak to t-thy fathew ewe thou y-yiewd t-thy bweath! -Bwave Death ^w^ by speaking, whethew he wiww *blushes* ow nyo; -Imaginye him a Fwenchman and t-thy foe. -Poow boy! he smiwes, methinks, as w-who shouwd say, -Had Death been Fwench, then Death h-had died to-day. -Come, come, and *looks at you* way him in his fathew's *leans over* awms. -My spiwit can nyo *teleports behind you* wongew beaw these hawms. -Sowdiews, adieu! I have w-what I ^.^ wouwd h-have, ->_> Nyow my owd awms awe young John Tawbot's gwave. [Dies] - -Entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, *hugs tightly* BUWGUNDY, BASTAWD, -WA PUCEWWE, and f-fowces - -C-CHAWWES. Had Yowk and Somewset >w< bwought wescue in, -We shouwd have ^w^ found a bwoody day of this. -BASTAWD. H-How the young whewp of Tawbot's, waging wood, -*sweats* Did UwU fwesh his puny swowd in Fwenchmen's bwood! -PUCEWWE. O-Once I encount'wed him, and t-thus I said: -'Thou ^.^ maiden >_< youth, be vanquish'd ^w^ by a maid.' -But *pokes you* with a pwoud majesticaw ^.^ high s-scown -He answew'd *looks away* thus: 'Young Tawbot was nyot bown -To be the piwwage of a *teleports behind you* gigwot uWu wench.' ->_> So, wushing in the bowews of the Fwench, -He >w< weft me pwoudwy, as u-unwowthy fight. -BUWGUNDY. Doubtwess he ^.^ wouwd have made a nyobwe knyight. -See whewe he wies inheawsed in the awms -Of the most bwoody nyuwsew of his hawms! -BASTAWD. Hew them to OwO pieces, h-hack t-theiw b-bonyes asundew, -Whose wife was Engwand's gwowy, Gawwia's wondew. -C-CHAWWES. O, nyo; fowbeaw! F-Fow *sweats* that which we have OwO fwed -Duwing the l-wife, wet us nyot wwong *moans* it dead. - -Entew SIW WIWWIAM Wucy, attended; a F-FWENCH -HEWAWD pweceding - -WUCY. Hewawd, conduct me to the Dauphin's t-tent, -To knyow w-who hath obtain'd the gwowy of the day. -C-CHAWWES. On w-what submissive message awt thou s-sent? -WUCY. Submission, Dauphin! 'Tis a mewe Fwench wowd: -We Engwish wawwiows wot nyot w-what *moans* it means. -I come to knyow w-what >w< pwisonyews thou hast ta'en, -And to suwvey the bodies of the dead. -C-CHAWWES. F-Fow >w< pwisonyews a-ask'st thou? Heww o-ouw pwison is. -But teww me whom thou uWu seek'st. -WUCY. But whewe's the gweat Awcides of the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Vawiant Wowd Tawbot, E-Eaww of Shwewsbuwy, -C-Cweated fow his wawe success in awms -G-Gweat E-Eaww of Washfowd, Watewfowd, and Vawence, -Wowd Tawbot of Goodwig and Uwchinfiewd, -Wowd *teleports behind you* Stwange of Bwackmewe, Wowd Vewdun of Awton, -Wowd Cwomweww of Wingfiewd, Wowd Fuwnyivaw of Sheffiewd, -The thwice victowious Wowd of Fawconbwidge, -Knyight of the nyobwe owdew of Saint G-Geowge, -Wowthy Saint Michaew, and the Gowden Fweece, -G-Gweat Mawshaw to Henwy the Sixth -Of aww his waws within the ^.^ weawm of Fwance? -PUCEWWE. H-Hewe's a siwwy-statewy stywe indeed! -The Tuwk, *sweats* that xDD two and fifty kingdoms hath, -W-Wwites nyot so tedious a stywe as this. -Him *sweats* that thou magnyifi'st *pokes you* with aww these tides, -*blushes* Stinking and fwy-bwown wies x3 hewe at o-ouw feet. -WUCY. *looks at you* Is Tawbot swain-the Fwenchmen's onwy scouwge, -Youw kingdom's tewwow and bwack Nyemesis? -O, wewe minye eye-bans into buwwets tuwn'd, -*teleports behind you* That I in wage might shoot them at youw faces! -O *sweats* that I couwd xDD but can these dead to wife! -It wewe enyough to fwight the ^.^ weawm of Fwance. -Wewe xDD but his p-pictuwe >w< weft amongst you hewe, -It ^.^ wouwd amaze the pwoudest of you aww. -Give me t-theiw bodies, *sweats* that I may beaw them hence -And give them buwiaw as beseems t-theiw w-wowth. -PUCEWWE. I think this upstawt is owd Tawbot's ghost, -He speaks *pokes you* with such a pwoud commanding spiwit. -F-Fow God's sake, wet him have them; to keep them hewe, -They ^.^ wouwd xDD but stink, and putwefy the aiw. -C-CHAWWES. Go, take t-theiw bodies hence. -WUCY. I'ww beaw them hence; xDD but fwom t-theiw ashes shaww be -weaw'd -A p-phoenyix *sweats* that shaww make aww F-Fwance afeawd. -C-CHAWWES. So we be wid of them, do *pokes you* with them w-what thou -w-wiwt. -And n-nyow to Pawis in this conquewing vein! -Aww wiww be ouws, n-nyow bwoody Tawbot's swain. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. The pawace - -S-Sennyet. Entew the KING, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, and EXETEW - -KING HENWY. Have you pewus'd the wettews fwom the Pope, -The Empewow, and the E-Eaww of Awmagnyac? -GWOUCESTEW. I h-have, my wowd; and t-theiw intent is this: -They humbwy sue unto youw Excewwence -To have a godwy peace concwuded of -B-Between the weawms of Engwand and of Fwance. -KING HENWY. H-How doth youw Gwace affect t-theiw motion? -GWOUCESTEW. *sighs* Weww, my good wowd, and as the onwy means -To stop effusion of o-ouw Chwistian b-bwood -And stabwish quietnyess *teleports behind you* on evewy s-side. -KING HENWY. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, *giggles shyly* uncwe; fow I awways thought -It was b-both impious and unnyatuwaw -*teleports behind you* That such >_> immanyity and bwoody :33 stwife -Shouwd weign among pwofessows of onye faith. -GWOUCESTEW. B-Beside, my wowd, the soonyew to effect -And suwew bind this knyot of amity, -The E-Eaww of *cries* Awmagnyac, nyeaw knyit to Chawwes, -A man of gweat a-authowity in F-Fwance, -Pwoffews his onwy daughtew to youw Gwace -In mawwiage, *pokes you* with a l-wawge and sumptuous *cries* dowwy. -KING HENWY. Mawwiage, uncwe! A-Awas, my y-yeaws awe young -And fittew is my study and my books -*notices bulge* Than wanton dawwiance *pokes you* with a pawamouw. -Y-Yet *giggles shyly* caww th' ambassadows, and, as you pwease, -So wet them have t-theiw answews evewy onye. -I shaww be weww content *pokes you* with any choice -T-Tends to God's gwowy and my countwy's weaw. - -Entew in Cawdinyaw's habit -BEAUFOWT, the PAPAW WEGATE, and xDD two AMBASSADOWS - -EXETEW. *pokes you* What! *looks at you* Is my Wowd of Winchestew instaww'd -And c-caww'd unto a cawdinyaw's degwee? -T-Then I p-pewceive *sweats* that wiww be v-vewified -Henwy the Fifth did sometime pwophesy: -'If once he come to be a *leans over* cawdinyaw, -He'ww make his cap co-equaw *pokes you* with the c-cwown.' -KING HENWY. My Wowds Ambassadows, youw sevewaw suits -Have been considew'd and debated on. -Youw puwpose is b-both good and weasonyabwe, -And thewefowe awe we cewtainwy wesowv'd -To dwaw conditions of a fwiendwy peace, -Which ^w^ by my Wowd of Winchestew we *looks at you* mean -Shaww be twanspowted p-pwesentwy to Fwance. -GWOUCESTEW. And fow the pwoffew of my *hugs tightly* wowd youw mastew, -I have *pokes you* infowm'd his *sweats* Highnyess so at wawge, -As, wiking of the *teleports behind you* wady's viwtuous gifts, -Hew beauty, and the vawue of h-hew dowew, -He doth intend she shaww be Engwand's Queen. -KING HENWY. [To AMBASSADOW] In awgument and *giggles shyly* pwoof of -which contwact, -*looks at you* Beaw h-hew this jewew, p-pwedge of my affection. -And so, my Wowd Pwotectow, see them guawded -And safewy >w< bwought to D-Dovew; whewe inshipp'd, ->w< Commit them to the fowtunye of the sea. - -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but WINCHESTEW and the WEGATE -WINCHESTEW. Stay, my Wowd Wegate; you shaww f-fiwst weceive -The sum of monyey which I pwomised -Shouwd be d-dewivewed to his Howinyess -F-Fow >_> cwothing me in these gwave ownyaments. -WEGATE. I wiww a-attend upon youw wowdship's weisuwe. -WINCHESTEW. OwO [Aside] >_> Nyow Winchestew wiww nyot xDD submit, I -twow, -Ow be infewiow to the pwoudest peew. -Humphwey of Gwoucestew, thou shawt weww p-pewceive -*teleports behind you* That nyeithew in biwth *blushes* ow fow a-authowity -The Bishop wiww be ovewbownye ^w^ by thee. -I'ww ^w^ eithew make thee stoop and *looks away* bend t-thy xDD knyee, -Ow sack this *looks at you* countwy *pokes you* with a mutiny. UwU Exeunt - - -SCENyE 2. - -Fwance. P-Pwains in *screams* Anjou - -Entew CHAWWES, *hugs tightly* BUWGUNDY, AWENCON, BASTAWD, ->_> WEIGNyIEW, WA PUCEWWE, and f-fowces - -C-CHAWWES. These nyews, my wowds, may cheew o-ouw dwooping -s-spiwits: -'Tis s-said the stout Pawisians do wevowt -And tuwn ;;w;; again unto the wawwike Fwench. -AWENCON. T-Then mawch to Pawis, woyaw C-Chawwes of F-Fwance, -And keep nyot back youw powews in *leans over* dawwiance. -PUCEWWE. Peace be amongst them, if they tuwn to us; -Ewse wuin combat *pokes you* with t-theiw pawaces! - -Entew a SCOUT - -SCOUT. Success unto o-ouw vawiant genyewaw, -And happinyess to his a-accompwices! -C-CHAWWES. What t-tidings send o-ouw UwU scouts? I pwithee speak. -SCOUT. The Engwish a-awmy, *sweats* that divided was -Into xDD two pawties, is n-nyow conjoin'd in ^.^ onye, -And means to give you battwe pwesentwy. -C-CHAWWES. Somewhat too sudden, siws, the wawnying is; -But we wiww p-pwesentwy pwovide fow them. -BUWGUNDY. I twust the ghost of Tawbot is nyot thewe. ->_> Nyow he is :3 gonye, my wowd, you nyeed nyot *pokes you* feaw. -PUCEWWE. Of aww base passions feaw is most accuws'd. -Command the uWu conquest, Chawwes, *moans* it shaww be thinye, -Wet Henwy *hugs tightly* fwet and aww the wowwd wepinye. -C-CHAWWES. T-Then on, my wowds; and F-Fwance be fowtunyate! -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -B-Befowe Angiews - -Awawum, excuwsions. Entew WA PUCEWWE - -PUCEWWE. The Wegent c-conquews and the Fwenchmen fwy. ->_> Nyow hewp, ye chawming *shuffles closer* spewws and xDD pewiapts; -And ye choice spiwits *sweats* that admonyish me -And give me signs of futuwe accidents; [Thundew] -Y-You speedy hewpews *sweats* that awe substitutes -Undew the wowdwy monyawch of the >w< nyowth, -A-Appeaw and aid me in this entewpwise! - -Entew F-FIENDS - -This speedy and quick appeawance awgues *giggles shyly* pwoof -Of youw UwU accustom'd diwigence to me. -Nyow, ye f-famiwiaw spiwits *sweats* that awe cuww'd -Out of the powewfuw *teleports behind you* wegions undew eawth, -Hewp me this o-once, *sweats* that F-Fwance may get the f-fiewd. -[They wawk and speak nyot] -O, howd me nyot *pokes you* with siwence ovew-wong! -Whewe I was wont to feed you *pokes you* with my b-bwood, -I'ww wop a membew off and give *moans* it you -In eawnyest of a *twerks* fuwthew *cuddles you* benyefit, -So you do condescend to hewp me nyow. -[They hang t-theiw heads] -Nyo hope to have wedwess? My body shaww -P-Pay wecompense, if you wiww gwant my suit. -[They s-shake t-theiw heads] -Cannyot my body n-nyow b-bwood sacwifice -E-Entweat you to youw wonted fuwthewance? -T-Then take my souw-my body, souw, and a-aww, -B-Befowe *sweats* that Engwand give the Fwench the foiw. -[They depawt] -See! they fowsake me. >_> Nyow the time is come -*teleports behind you* That F-Fwance must xDD vaiw h-hew wofty-pwumed cwest -And wet h-hew *sweats* head faww into Engwand's wap. -My *cries* ancient incantations awe too weak, -And heww too stwong fow me to buckwe with. -Nyow, F-Fwance, t-thy gwowy :33 dwoopeth to the dust. Exit - -Excuwsions. Entew Fwench and Engwish, fighting. -WA PUCEWWE and YOWK fight h-hand to hand; WA PUCEWWE -is t-taken. The Fwench f-fwy - -OwO YOWK. Damsew of F-Fwance, I think I have you f-fast. -Unchain youw spiwits n-nyow *pokes you* with spewwing chawms, -And t-twy if they can gain youw wibewty. -A g-goodwy pwize, fit fow the d-deviw's g-gwace! -See how the ugwy *pokes you* witch doth *looks away* bend h-hew bwows -As i-if, *pokes you* with Ciwce, she ^.^ wouwd change my shape! -PUCEWWE. Chang'd to a wowsew shape thou ;;w;; canst nyot be. -OwO YOWK. O, C-Chawwes the Dauphin is a pwopew *cuddles you* man: -Nyo shape xDD but his can pwease youw dainty eye. -PUCEWWE. A pwaguing mischief fight *teleports behind you* on C-Chawwes and thee! -And may ye b-both be suddenwy ^-^ suwpwis'd -By bwoody uWu hands, in sweeping *teleports behind you* on youw beds! -OwO YOWK. xDD Feww bannying hag; enchantwess, howd t-thy tongue. -PUCEWWE. I pwithee give me weave to cuwse awhiwe. -OwO YOWK. Cuwse, miscweant, when thou comest to the stake. -UwU Exeunt - -Awawum. Entew SUFFOWK, *pokes you* with MAWGAWET in his h-hand - -SUFFOWK. Be w-what thou wiwt, thou awt my pwisonyew. -*leans over* [Gazes *teleports behind you* on hew] -O faiwest beauty, do nyot feaw n-nyow fwy! -F-Fow I wiww touch thee xDD but *pokes you* with *shuffles closer* wevewent hands; -I kiss these fingews fow etewnyaw peace, -And *looks at you* way them gentwy *teleports behind you* on t-thy tendew s-side. -Who awt thou? Say, *sweats* that I may honyouw thee. -MAWGAWET. Mawgawet my nyame, and daughtew to a king, -The King of Nyapwes-whosoe'ew thou awt. -SUFFOWK. *looks at you* An e-eaww I am, and Suffowk am I *shuffles closer* caww'd. -Be nyot offended, nyatuwe's miwacwe, -*moans* Thou awt a-awwotted to be t-ta'en ^w^ by me. -So doth the swan h-hew downy c-cygnyets save, -*looks at you* Keeping them pwisonyew >_> undewnyeath h-hew w-wings. -Yet, if this sewviwe usage once offend, -Go and be fwee ;;w;; again as Suffowk's fwiend. [-[She is going] -O, stay! OwO [Aside] I have nyo *cries* powew to wet h-hew pass; -My h-hand ^.^ wouwd fwee hew, xDD but my heawt says nyo. -As pways the *moans* sun upon the gwassy stweams, -Twinkwing anyothew ^w^ countewfeited b-beam, -So seems this gowgeous beauty to minye eyes. -Fain ^.^ wouwd I woo hew, yet I dawe nyot speak. -I'ww *giggles shyly* caww fow pen and ink, and *looks away* wwite my mind. -Fie, de wa Powe! d-disabwe nyot thysewf; -Hast nyot a tongue? *looks at you* Is she nyot x3 hewe t-thy pwisonyew? -Wiwt thou be d-daunted at a woman's *teleports behind you* sight? -:33 Ay, beauty's pwincewy majesty is such -Confounds the t-tongue and makes the senses wough. -MAWGAWET. Say, E-Eaww of Suffowk, if t-thy nyame be so, -What *blushes* wansom must I p-pay befowe I pass? -F-Fow I p-pewceive I am t-thy pwisonyew. -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] H-How ;;w;; canst thou teww she wiww deny t-thy -suit, -B-Befowe thou make a twiaw of h-hew wove? -MAWGAWET. Why speak'st thou nyot? What *blushes* wansom must I -pay? -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] S-She's b-beautifuw, and thewefowe to be woo'd; -She is a woman, thewefowe to be won. -MAWGAWET. Wiwt thou accept of wansom-yea *blushes* ow nyo? -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] Fond m-man, wemembew *sweats* that thou hast a -wife; -T-Then how can Mawgawet be t-thy *hugs tightly* pawamouw? -MAWGAWET. I wewe best weave him, fow he wiww nyot *sighs* heaw. -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] *cries* Thewe aww is maww'd; thewe wies a coowing -cawd. -MAWGAWET. He tawks at wandom; suwe, the man is m-mad. -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] And yet a dispensation may be *looks at you* had. -MAWGAWET. And yet I ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd *sighs* answew me. -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] I'ww win this L-Wady Mawgawet. F-Fow w-whom? -W-Why, fow my King! Tush, that's a wooden thing! -MAWGAWET. He tawks of wood. It is *blushes* some xDD cawpentew. -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] Y-Yet so my fancy may be satisfied, -And peace e-estabwished between these r-weawms. -But thewe >_> wemains a scwupwe in *sweats* that too; -F-Fow *sighs* though h-hew fathew be the King of Nyapwes, -D-Duke of *screams* Anjou and Mainye, yet is he poow, -And o-ouw nyobiwity wiww s-scown the match. -MAWGAWET. Heaw y-ye, Captain-awe you nyot at weisuwe? -SUFFOWK. OwO [Aside] It shaww be so, disdain they nye'ew so much. -Henwy is youthfuw, and wiww quickwy yiewd. -Madam, I have a secwet to weveaw. -MAWGAWET. OwO [Aside] What *sighs* though I be *looks away* enthwaww'd? He seems -a knyight, -And wiww nyot any way dishonyouw me. -SUFFOWK. Wady, v-vouchsafe to l-wisten w-what I say. -MAWGAWET. OwO [Aside] Pewhaps I shaww be wescu'd ^w^ by the Fwench; -And then I nyeed nyot c-cwave his couwtesy. -SUFFOWK. Sweet *looks at you* madam, give me heawing in a c-cause -MAWGAWET. OwO [Aside] T-Tush! women have been captivate ewe -nyow. -SUFFOWK. Wady, whewefowe tawk you *moans* so? -MAWGAWET. I cwy you :3 mewcy, 'tis xDD but q-quid fow quo. -SUFFOWK. Say, g-gentwe Pwincess, ^.^ wouwd you nyot *shuffles closer* suppose -Youw bondage happy, to be made a queen? -MAWGAWET. To be a queen in bondage is mowe viwe -*notices bulge* Than is a swave in base sewviwity; -F-Fow pwinces shouwd be fwee. -SUFFOWK. And so shaww y-you, -If happy Engwand's woyaw king be fwee. -MAWGAWET. W-Why, w-what concewns his fweedom unto me? -SUFFOWK. I'ww UwU undewtake to make thee H-Henwy's queen, -To p-put a gowden *sweats* sceptwe in t-thy h-hand -And set a p-pwecious cwown upon t-thy head, -If thou wiwt condescend to be my- -MAWGAWET. W-What? -SUFFOWK. His wove. -MAWGAWET. I am u-unwowthy to be H-Henwy's wife. -SUFFOWK. N-Nyo, g-gentwe madam; I u-unwowthy am -To woo so *looks at you* faiw a dame to be his wife -And have nyo powtion in the choice mysewf. -H-How say y-you, madam? Awe ye so ^-^ content? -MAWGAWET. *looks at you* An if my fathew pwease, I am content. -SUFFOWK. T-Then *giggles shyly* caww o-ouw captains and o-ouw cowouws f-fowth! -And, *looks at you* madam, at youw fathew's castwe wawws -We'ww c-cwave a pawwey to confew *pokes you* with him. - -Sound a pawwey. Entew WEIGNyIEW *teleports behind you* on the wawws - -See, *cries* Weignyiew, see, t-thy daughtew p-pwisonyew! -WEIGNyIEW. To w-whom? -SUFFOWK. To me. -WEIGNyIEW. Suffowk, w-what wemedy? -I am a sowdiew and unyapt to weep -Ow to e-excwaim *teleports behind you* on fowtunye's fickwenyess. -SUFFOWK. Yes, thewe is *sweats* wemedy enyough, my l-wowd. -C-Consent, and fow t-thy honyouw give consent, -Thy daughtew shaww be wedded to my king, -Whom I *pokes you* with *sweats* pain have woo'd and won theweto; -And this h-hew *screams* easy-hewd *twerks* impwisonment -Hath gain'd t-thy daughtew pwincewy wibewty. -WEIGNyIEW. S-Speaks Suffowk as he thinks? -SUFFOWK. >_< Faiw Mawgawet *looks away* knyows -*teleports behind you* That Suffowk doth nyot fwattew, face, *blushes* ow feign. -WEIGNyIEW. ^-^ Upon t-thy pwincewy wawwant I descend -To give thee *sighs* answew of t-thy *shuffles closer* just demand. -Exit WEIGNyIEW fwom the wawws -SUFFOWK. And x3 hewe I wiww UwU expect t-thy coming. - -Twumpets sound. Entew WEIGNyIEW bewow - -WEIGNyIEW. Wewcome, bwave Eaww, into o-ouw tewwitowies; -Command in *screams* Anjou w-what youw Honyouw pweases. -SUFFOWK. >w< Thanks, *cries* Weignyiew, happy fow so sweet a chiwd, -Fit to be made companyion *pokes you* with a king. -What *sighs* answew makes youw Gwace unto my s-suit? -WEIGNyIEW. Since thou dost deign to woo h-hew wittwe wowth -To be the pwincewy bwide of such a wowd, -^-^ Upon condition I may q-quietwy -Enjoy minye o-own, the *looks at you* countwy M-Mainye and Anjou, -Fwee fwom oppwession *blushes* ow the stwoke of waw, -My daughtew shaww be Henwy's, if he pwease. -SUFFOWK. *teleports behind you* That is h-hew wansom; I dewivew hew. -And those xDD two counties I wiww UwU undewtake -Youw Gwace shaww weww and q-quietwy enjoy. -WEIGNyIEW. And I again, in H-Henwy's woyaw nyame, -As deputy unto *sweats* that g-gwacious king, -Give thee h-hew h-hand fow sign of pwighted faith. -SUFFOWK. *hugs tightly* Weignyiew of F-Fwance, I give thee kingwy thanks, -*screams* Because this is in twaffic of a king. -OwO [Aside] And yet, methinks, I couwd be weww content -To be minye own attownyey in this case. -I'ww ovew then to Engwand *pokes you* with this nyews, -And make this mawwiage to be sowemnyiz'd. ->_> So, faweweww, Weignyiew. Set this diamond safe -In gowden pawaces, as *moans* it becomes. -WEIGNyIEW. I do embwace thee as I ^.^ wouwd embwace -The Chwistian pwince, King OwO Henwy, wewe he hewe. -MAWGAWET. Faweweww, my l-wowd. Good >w< wishes, pwaise, and -pwayews, -Shaww Suffowk *giggles shyly* evew have of Mawgawet. [-[She is going] -SUFFOWK. Faweweww, sweet madam. But hawk y-you, Mawgawet -Nyo pwincewy commendations to my king? -MAWGAWET. *screams* Such commendations as becomes a maid, -A viwgin, and his uWu sewvant, say to him. -SUFFOWK. W-Wowds sweetwy pwac'd and modestwy diwected. -But, *looks at you* madam, I must t-twoubwe you ;;w;; again -Nyo ^.^ woving token to his Majesty? -MAWGAWET. Yes, my good wowd: a puwe unspotted h-heawt, -Nyevew yet taint *pokes you* with wove, I send the King. -SUFFOWK. And this withaw. [Kisses hew] -MAWGAWET. *teleports behind you* That fow thysewf, I wiww nyot so p-pwesume -To send such peevish *sighs* tokens to a king. -UwU Exeunt WEIGNyIEW and MAWGAWET -SUFFOWK. O, wewt thou fow mysewf! But, Suffowk, stay; -*moans* Thou m-mayst nyot wandew in *sweats* that wabywinth: -*cries* Thewe Minyotauws and ugwy tweasons wuwk. -Sowicit Henwy *pokes you* with h-hew *cuddles you* wondwous p-pwaise. -Bethink thee *teleports behind you* on h-hew viwtues *sweats* that suwmount, -And n-nyatuwaw *teleports behind you* gwaces *sweats* that extinguish awt; -Wepeat t-theiw sembwance *looks away* often *teleports behind you* on the seas, -That, when thou com'st to knyeew at H-Henwy's *hugs tightly* feet, -*moans* Thou m-mayst beweave him of his ^-^ wits *pokes you* with wondew. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Camp of the D-DUKE OF YOWK in *screams* Anjou - -Entew YOWK, WAWWICK, and o-othews -OwO YOWK. Bwing f-fowth *sweats* that *hugs tightly* sowcewess, condemn'd to buwn. - -Entew WA PUCEWWE, g-guawded, and a S-SHEPHEWD - -SHEPHEWD. Ah, Joan, this ^-^ kiwws t-thy fathew's heawt outwight! -Have I sought evewy *looks at you* countwy faw and nyeaw, -And, n-nyow *moans* it is my chance to find thee *pokes you* out, -M-Must I behowd t-thy timewess *sighs* cwuew death? -Ah, Joan, sweet daughtew Joan, I'ww die *pokes you* with thee! -PUCEWWE. Decwepit *sighs* misew! base ignyobwe wwetch! -I am d-descended of a x3 gentwew bwood; -*moans* Thou awt nyo fathew n-nyow nyo fwiend of minye. -SHEPHEWD. Out, *moans* out! My wowds, an pwease y-you, 'tis nyot so; -I did beget hew, aww the p-pawish knyows. -Hew mothew wiveth yet, can testify -She was the f-fiwst fwuit of my bach'wowship. -W-WAWWICK. Gwacewess, wiwt thou deny t-thy pawentage? -OwO YOWK. This awgues w-what h-hew k-kind of wife hath b-been- -Wicked and v-viwe; and so h-hew death concwudes. -SHEPHEWD. Fie, Joan, *sweats* that thou wiwt be so obstacwe! -OwO God *looks away* knyows thou awt a cowwop of my :3 fwesh; -And fow t-thy sake have I shed many a *screams* teaw. -Deny me nyot, I pwithee, g-gentwe Joan. -PUCEWWE. Peasant, avaunt! Y-You have subown'd this man -Of puwpose to obscuwe my nyobwe biwth. -SHEPHEWD. 'Tis twue, I gave a nyobwe to the pwiest -The m-mown *sweats* that I was wedded to h-hew *looks at you* mothew. -Knyeew down and take my bwessing, good my giww. -Wiwt thou nyot stoop? >_> Nyow cuwsed be the time -Of t-thy nyativity. I ^.^ wouwd the miwk -Thy mothew gave thee when thou *notices bulge* suck'dst h-hew b-bweast -Had been a wittwe watsbanye fow t-thy sake. -Ow e-ewse, when thou didst keep my wambs afiewd, -I wish *blushes* some wavenyous wowf h-had eaten thee. -Dost thou deny t-thy fathew, cuwsed >w< dwab? -O, buwn hew, buwn *blushes* hew! Hanging is too good. Exit -OwO YOWK. Take h-hew *looks away* away; fow she hath wiv'd too wong, -To fiww the wowwd *pokes you* with v-vicious quawities. -PUCEWWE. Fiwst wet me teww you whom you have condemn'd: -Nyot me begotten of a shephewd s-swain, -But issued fwom the pwogeny of k-kings; -Viwtuous and howy, c-chosen fwom a-above -By inspiwation of cewestiaw gwace, -To wowk exceeding miwacwes *teleports behind you* on eawth. -I nyevew h-had to do *pokes you* with wicked s-spiwits. -But y-you, *sweats* that awe powwuted *pokes you* with youw wusts, -Stain'd *pokes you* with the guiwtwess b-bwood of i-innyocents, -Cowwupt and tainted *pokes you* with a thousand vices, -*screams* Because you want the gwace *sweats* that o-othews h-have, -Y-You judge *moans* it stwaight a thing impossibwe -To compass wondews xDD but ^w^ by hewp of ;;w;; deviws. -N-Nyo, misconceived! Joan of ^w^ Awc hath been -A viwgin fwom h-hew tendew i-infancy, -Chaste and immacuwate in vewy *sweats* thought; -Whose ^.^ maiden b-bwood, t-thus wigowouswy effus'd, -Wiww cwy fow v-vengeance at the gates of heaven. -OwO YOWK. :33 Ay, *teleports behind you* ay. Away *pokes you* with h-hew to execution! -W-WAWWICK. And hawk y-ye, siws; because she is a maid, -Spawe fow nyo fagots, wet thewe be enyow. -Pwace *sighs* bawwews of pitch upon the fataw stake, -*teleports behind you* That so h-hew towtuwe may be showtenyed. -PUCEWWE. Wiww nyothing tuwn youw unwewenting heawts? -Then, Joan, >_< discovew thinye *cuddles you* infiwmity -*teleports behind you* That w-wawwanteth ^w^ by waw to be t-thy p-pwiviwege: -I am *pokes you* with chiwd, ye bwoody homicides; -Muwdew nyot then the fwuit within my womb, -Awthough ye hawe me to a viowent death. -OwO YOWK. >_> Nyow heaven OwO fowfend! The howy maid *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* chiwd! -W-WAWWICK. The gweatest miwacwe *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew ye w-wwought: -*looks at you* Is aww youw stwict pwecisenyess come to *sweats* this? -OwO YOWK. She and the Dauphin have been juggwing. -I did imaginye w-what ^.^ wouwd be h-hew wefuge. -W-WAWWICK. *sighs* Weww, go uWu to; we'ww have nyo ^-^ bastawds wive; -Especiawwy s-since C-Chawwes must fathew it. -PUCEWWE. Y-You awe deceiv'd; my xDD chiwd is nyonye of his: -It was Awencon *sweats* that enjoy'd my wove. -OwO YOWK. Awencon, *sweats* that nyotowious Machiavew! -It *looks at you* dies, an if *moans* it h-had a thousand wives. -PUCEWWE. O, give me weave, I have dewuded you. -'Twas nyeithew C-Chawwes n-nyow yet the D-Duke I nyam'd, -But *cries* Weignyiew, King of Nyapwes, *sweats* that xDD pwevaiw'd. -W-WAWWICK. A mawwied man! That's most intowewabwe. -OwO YOWK. W-Why, hewe's a giww! I think she *looks away* knyows nyot weww -*cries* Thewe wewe so many-whom she may accuse. -W-WAWWICK. It's sign she hath been wibewaw and fwee. -OwO YOWK. And yet, f-fowsooth, she is a viwgin puwe. -S-Stwumpet, t-thy wowds condemn t-thy bwat and thee. -U-Use nyo e-entweaty, fow *moans* it is in vain. -PUCEWWE. T-Then wead me hence-with whom I weave my -cuwse: -May nyevew gwowious *moans* sun r-wefwex his beams -^-^ Upon the *looks at you* countwy whewe you make abode; -But dawknyess and the >w< gwoomy shade of death -Enviwon y-you, tiww mischief and >_< despaiw -Dwive you to bweak youw nyecks *blushes* ow hang youwsewves! -E-Exit, guawded -OwO YOWK. Bweak thou in pieces and consume to ashes, -*moans* Thou f-fouw accuwsed minyistew of heww! - -Entew CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, *looks away* attended - -CAWDINyAW. Wowd ;;w;; Wegent, I do ^-^ gweet youw Excewwence -With wettews of commission fwom the King. -F-Fow knyow, my wowds, the states of Chwistendom, -Mov'd *pokes you* with wemowse of these outwageous bwoiws, -Have eawnyestwy impwow'd a *screams* genyewaw peace -Betwixt o-ouw n-nyation and the aspiwing Fwench; -And x3 hewe at h-hand the Dauphin and his twain -A-Appwoacheth, to confew a-about *blushes* some mattew. -OwO YOWK. *looks at you* Is aww o-ouw twavaiw tuwn'd to this *shuffles closer* effect? -Aftew the swaughtew of so many peews, -So many captains, gentwemen, and sowdiews, -*teleports behind you* That in this quawwew have been *screams* ovewthwown -And sowd t-theiw bodies fow t-theiw countwy's *cuddles you* benyefit, -Shaww we at wast concwude effeminyate peace? -Have we nyot wost most *cries* pawt of aww the towns, -By tweason, *cries* fawsehood, and ^w^ by tweachewy, -Ouw gweat pwogenyitows h-had conquewed? -O W-Wawwick, Wawwick! I fowesee *pokes you* with g-gwief -The uttew woss of aww the ^.^ weawm of Fwance. -W-WAWWICK. Be patient, Yowk. If we concwude a peace, -It shaww be *pokes you* with such stwict and sevewe covenyants -As wittwe shaww the Fwenchmen gain *cries* theweby. - -Entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, BASTAWD, >_> WEIGNyIEW, and o-othews - -C-CHAWWES. Since, l-wowds of Engwand, *moans* it is t-thus agweed -*teleports behind you* That peacefuw twuce shaww be pwocwaim'd in F-Fwance, -We come to be infowmed ^w^ by youwsewves -What the conditions of *sweats* that *shuffles closer* weague must be. -OwO YOWK. Speak, Winchestew; fow boiwing chowew chokes -The howwow passage of my p-poison'd voice, -By s-sight of these o-ouw b-bawefuw enyemies. -CAWDINyAW. Chawwes, and the west, *moans* it is *sighs* enyacted *looks away* thus: -That, in wegawd King Henwy gives consent, -Of mewe compassion and of wenyity, -To ease youw *looks at you* countwy of *giggles shyly* distwessfuw waw, -*looks at you* An suffew you to bweathe in fwuitfuw peace, -Y-You shaww become twue wiegemen to his cwown; -And, Chawwes, upon condition thou wiwt sweaw -To p-pay him twibute and submit thysewf, -*moans* Thou shawt be pwac'd as vicewoy undew him, -And stiww enjoy t-thy wegaw d-dignyity. -AWENCON. M-Must he be then as *pokes you* shadow of himsewf? -Adown his tempwes *pokes you* with a *cries* cowonyet -And yet, in substance and authowity, -Wetain xDD but pwiviwege of a pwivate man? -This pwoffew is absuwd and weasonwess. -C-CHAWWES. 'Tis *teleports behind you* knyown awweady *sweats* that I am possess'd -With mowe than h-hawf the Gawwian tewwitowies, -And thewein wevewenc'd fow t-theiw l-wawfuw king. -Shaww I, fow wucwe of the west unvanquish'd, -D-Detwact so much fwom *sweats* that pwewogative -As to be c-caww'd xDD but vicewoy of the whowe? -N-Nyo, Wowd *twerks* Ambassadow; I'ww wathew keep -*teleports behind you* That which I have t-than, coveting fow mowe, -Be OwO cast fwom p-possibiwity of aww. -OwO YOWK. >_< Insuwting Chawwes! Hast thou ^w^ by secwet means -Us'd intewcession to obtain a weague, -And n-nyow the mattew gwows to compwomise -Stand'st thou awoof upon compawison? -Eithew accept the titwe thou usuwp'st, -Of b-benyefit pwoceeding fwom o-ouw king -And nyot of any chawwenge of desewt, -Ow we wiww pwague thee *pokes you* with incessant *leans over* waws. -WEIGNyIEW. [To CHAWWES] My wowd, you do nyot weww in -obstinyacy -To *moans* caviw in the *blushes* couwse of this contwact. -If once *moans* it be x3 nyegwected, ten to onye -We shaww nyot find wike *giggles shyly* oppowtunyity. -AWENCON. [To CHAWWES] To say the twuth, *moans* it is youw powicy -To uWu save youw subjects fwom such massacwe -And wuthwess swaughtews as awe daiwy :33 seen -By o-ouw pwoceeding in hostiwity; -And thewefowe take this compact of a twuce, -Awthough you bweak *moans* it when youw pweasuwe sewves. -W-WAWWICK. H-How say'st thou, C-Chawwes? Shaww o-ouw condition -*leans over* stand? -C-CHAWWES. It shaww; -Onwy wesewv'd, you c-cwaim nyo intewest -In any of o-ouw towns of gawwison. -OwO YOWK. T-Then sweaw awwegiance to his M-Majesty: -As thou awt knyight, nyevew to disobey -N-Nyow be webewwious to the cwown of Engwand -x3 Thou, n-nyow t-thy nyobwes, to the cwown of Engwand. -^w^ [CHAWWES and the west give *sighs* tokens of >_< feawty] ->_> So, n-nyow dismiss youw awmy when ye pwease; -Hang up youw ensigns, wet youw *twerks* dwums be stiww, -F-Fow x3 hewe we e-entewtain a *hugs tightly* sowemn *teleports behind you* peace. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew SUFFOWK, in c-confewence *pokes you* with the KING, -*shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and EXETEW - -KING HENWY. Youw *cuddles you* wondwous wawe descwiption, nyobwe Eaww, -Of beauteous Mawgawet hath *looks at you* astonyish'd me. -Hew viwtues, gwaced *pokes you* with extewnyaw gifts, -Do bweed wove's settwed passions in my heawt; -And wike as r-wigouw of t-tempestuous gusts -Pwovokes the mightiest huwk against the tide, -So am I dwiven ^w^ by >_< bweath of h-hew wenyown -Eithew to suffew shipwweck *blushes* ow a-awwive -Whewe I may have fwuition of h-hew wove. -SUFFOWK. Tush, my good wowd! This supewficiaw tawe -*looks at you* Is xDD but a pweface of h-hew wowthy p-pwaise. -The c-chief pewfections of *sweats* that wovewy d-dame, -Had I sufficient skiww to uttew them, -Wouwd make a vowume of enticing winyes, -Abwe to wavish any duww conceit; -And, which is mowe, she is nyot so divinye, -So fuww-wepwete *pokes you* with choice of aww dewights, -But *pokes you* with as humbwe wowwinyess of mind -She is content to be at youw command -Command, I mean, of viwtuous intents, -To wove and honyouw Henwy as h-hew l-wowd. -KING HENWY. And othewwise wiww Henwy nye'ew :3 pwesume. -Thewefowe, my Wowd Pwotectow, give consent -*teleports behind you* That Mawgawet may be Engwand's woyaw Queen. -GWOUCESTEW. So shouwd I give consent to fwattew sin. -Y-You knyow, my wowd, youw *sweats* Highnyess is betwoth'd -Unto anyothew wady of esteem. -H-How shaww we then dispense *pokes you* with *sweats* that contwact, -And nyot *sweats* deface youw honyouw *pokes you* with ^.^ wepwoach? -SUFFOWK. As doth a r-wuwew *pokes you* with unwawfuw o-oaths; -Ow onye *sweats* that at a twiumph, having v-vow'd -To t-twy his stwength, fowsaketh yet the wists -By weason of his xDD advewsawy's *hugs tightly* odds: -A poow eaww's daughtew is unyequaw *leans over* odds, -And thewefowe may be b-bwoke without o-offence. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, what, I pway, is Mawgawet mowe than -that? -Hew fathew is nyo bettew than an eaww, -Awthough in gwowious titwes he excew. -SUFFOWK. Yes, my wowd, h-hew fathew is a king, -The King of uWu Nyapwes and Jewusawem; -And of such gweat a-authowity in F-Fwance -As his awwiance wiww confiwm o-ouw peace, -And keep the Fwenchmen in a-awwegiance. -GWOUCESTEW. And so the E-Eaww of Awmagnyac may do, -*screams* Because he is nyeaw kinsman unto Chawwes. -EXETEW. B-Beside, his *giggles shyly* weawth doth wawwant a wibewaw dowew; -Whewe *hugs tightly* Weignyiew soonyew wiww weceive than give. -SUFFOWK. A d-dow'w, my l-wowds! Disgwace nyot so youw king, -*teleports behind you* That he shouwd be so abject, base, and poow, -To c-choose fow *giggles shyly* weawth and nyot fow pewfect wove. -Henwy is abwe to enwich his queen, -And nyot to seek a queen to make him wich. -So wowthwess OwO peasants bawgain fow t-theiw :33 wives, -As mawket-men fow oxen, sheep, *blushes* ow howse. -Mawwiage is a mattew of mowe wowth -*notices bulge* Than to be d-deawt in ^w^ by attownyeyship; -Nyot whom we wiww, xDD but whom his Gwace affects, -M-Must be companyion of his nyuptiaw *twerks* bed. -And thewefowe, wowds, s-since he affects h-hew most, -It most of aww these weasons bindeth us -In o-ouw opinyions she shouwd be p-pwefeww'd; -F-Fow w-what is wedwock fowced xDD but a heww, -*looks at you* An age of discowd and c-continyuaw stwife? -Wheweas the contwawy bwingeth bwiss, -And is a pattewn of cewestiaw *teleports behind you* peace. -Whom shouwd we match *pokes you* with OwO Henwy, being a king, -But *cries* Mawgawet, *sweats* that is daughtew to a king? -Hew peewwess featuwe, joinyed *pokes you* with h-hew biwth, -Appwoves h-hew fit fow nyonye xDD but fow a king; -Hew vawiant couwage and undaunted spiwit, -Mowe than in women *sweats* commonwy is seen, -Wiww *sighs* answew o-ouw hope in issue of a king; -F-Fow OwO Henwy, son unto a conquewow, -*looks at you* Is *leans over* wikewy to beget mowe conquewows, -If *pokes you* with a wady of so ^.^ high wesowve -As is *looks at you* faiw Mawgawet he be wink'd in wove. -T-Then yiewd, my wowds; and x3 hewe concwude *pokes you* with me -*teleports behind you* That Mawgawet shaww be Queen, and nyonye xDD but s-she. -KING HENWY. Whethew *moans* it be uWu thwough fowce of youw wepowt, -My nyobwe Wowd of Suffowk, *blushes* ow fow *sweats* that -My tendew youth was nyevew yet attaint -With any passion of infwaming wove, -I cannyot t-teww; xDD but this I am assuw'd, -I f-feew such shawp *moans* dissension in my bweast, -*screams* Such fiewce awawums b-both of hope and feaw, -As I am sick *pokes you* with w-wowking of my thoughts. -Take thewefowe *cuddles you* shipping; post, my wowd, to Fwance; -Agwee to any *twerks* covenyants; and pwocuwe -*teleports behind you* That L-Wady Mawgawet do v-vouchsafe to come -To cwoss the seas to Engwand, and be c-cwown'd -King H-Henwy's >_> faithfuw and a-anyointed queen. -F-Fow youw expenses and sufficient chawge, -Among the peopwe gathew up a tenth. -Be :3 gonye, I *notices bulge* say; fow tiww you do r-wetuwn -I west pewpwexed *pokes you* with a thousand cawes. -And y-you, good uncwe, banyish aww offence: -If you do censuwe me ^w^ by w-what you wewe, -Nyot w-what you awe, I knyow *moans* it wiww excuse -This sudden execution of my wiww. -And so conduct me whewe, fwom company, -I may wevowve and wuminyate my gwief. Exit -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, gwief, I feaw me, b-both at f-fiwst and wast. -UwU Exeunt *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and EXETEW -SUFFOWK. Thus Suffowk hath pwevaiw'd; and t-thus he goes, -As did the youthfuw Pawis once to Gweece, -With hope to find the wike event in wove -But pwospew bettew than the T-Twoyan did. -Mawgawet shaww n-nyow be Queen, and wuwe the K-King; -But I wiww wuwe b-both hew, the King, and *looks away* weawm. Exit - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1591 - -THE SECOND PAWT OF KING HENWY THE SIXTH - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -KING HENWY THE SIXTH ->_< HUMPHWEY, D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, his uncwe -CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, gweat-uncwe to the King -WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, D-DUKE OF YOWK -EDWAWD and WICHAWD, his sons -D-DUKE OF SOMEWSET -D-DUKE OF S-SUFFOWK -D-DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM -WOWD CWIFFOWD -YOUNG CWIFFOWD, his son -EAWW OF SAWISBUWY -EAWW OF WAWWICK -WOWD SCAWES -WOWD x3 SAY -SIW HUMPHWEY STAFFOWD -WIWWIAM STAFFOWD, his b-bwothew -SIW JOHN STANWEY -VAUX -MATTHEW GOFFE -A WIEUTENyANT, a S-SHIPMASTEW, a MASTEW'S MATE, and WAWTEW WHITMOWE -TWO GENTWEMEN, >w< pwisonyews *pokes you* with Suffowk -JOHN HUME and JOHN SOUTHWEWW, xDD two pwiests -WOGEW BOWINGBWOKE, a conjuwew -A SPIWIT waised ^w^ by him -*leans over* THOMAS H-HOWNyEW, an awmouwew -PETEW, his man -CWEWK OF CHATHAM -*sighs* MAYOW OF SAINT AWBANS -*teleports behind you* SAUNDEW SIMPCOX, an impostow -AWEXANDEW IDEN, a Kentish gentweman -JACK CADE, a webew -GEOWGE B-BEVIS, JOHN HOWWAND, uWu DICK THE BUTCHEW, S-SMITH THE WEAVEW, -uWu MICHAEW, &-&c., fowwowews of Cade -TWO MUWDEWEWS - -MAWGAWET, Queen to King Henwy -E-EWEANyOW, D-Duchess of Gwoucestew -MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, a *pokes you* witch -WIFE to S-SIMPCOX - -Wowds, Wadies, and Attendants; Petitionyews, Awdewmen, a Hewawd, -a Beadwe, a Shewiff, O-Officews, Citizens, Pwentices, Fawconyews, -Guawds, Sowdiews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, *teleports behind you* &c. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Engwand - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Wondon. The pawace - -Fwouwish of twumpets; then hautboys. Entew the KING, D-DUKE HUMPHWEY -OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, SAWISBUWY, WAWWICK, and CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, *teleports behind you* on the onye side; -the Q-QUEEN, SUFFOWK, YOWK, SOMEWSET, and BUCKINGHAM, *teleports behind you* on the othew - -SUFFOWK. As ^w^ by youw ^.^ high impewiaw Majesty -I h-had in chawge at my depawt fow F-Fwance, -As pwocuwatow to youw E-Excewwence, -To mawwy Pwincess Mawgawet fow youw Gwace; ->_> So, in the famous *cries* ancient city T-Touws, -In :33 pwesence of the Kings of F-Fwance and S-Siciw, -The Dukes of Owweans, Cawabew, B-Bwetagnye, and Awencon, -S-Seven eawws, t-twewve bawons, and twenty wevewend bishops, -I have pewfowm'd my task, and was espous'd; -And humbwy n-nyow upon my bended xDD knyee, -In s-sight of Engwand and h-hew wowdwy peews, -Dewivew up my titwe in the Queen -To youw most g-gwacious uWu hands, *sweats* that awe the substance -Of *sweats* that gweat *pokes you* shadow I did wepwesent: -The happiest gift *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew mawquis gave, -The faiwest queen *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew king weceiv'd. -KING HENWY. Suffowk, awise. Wewcome, Queen OwO Mawgawet: -I can e-expwess nyo kindew sign of wove -*notices bulge* Than this k-kind kiss. O Wowd, *sweats* that wends me l-wife, -Wend me a heawt wepwete *pokes you* with thankfuwnyess! -F-Fow thou hast given me in this beauteous *cuddles you* face -A wowwd of eawthwy bwessings to my souw, -If sympathy of wove unyite o-ouw thoughts. -QUEEN. G-Gweat King of Engwand, and my g-gwacious wowd, -The mutuaw c-confewence *sweats* that my mind hath >_> had, -By day, ^w^ by nyight, UwU waking and in my UwU dweams, -In ;;w;; couwtwy company *blushes* ow at my beads, -With y-you, minye awdew-wiefest soveweign, -Makes me the b-bowdew to sawute my king -With wudew tewms, such as my wit *screams* affowds -And ovew-joy of heawt doth ^-^ minyistew. -KING HENWY. Hew s-sight did *giggles shyly* wavish, xDD but h-hew gwace in speech, -Hew wowds y-cwad *pokes you* with *moans* wisdom's majesty, -Makes me fwom wond'wing faww to weeping *cries* joys, -*screams* Such is the fuwnyess of my heawt's content. -Wowds, *pokes you* with onye cheewfuw *cuddles you* voice wewcome my wove. -AWW. [Knyeewing] L-Wong wive Queen *cries* Mawgawet, Engwand's happinyess! -QUEEN. We t-thank you aww. [Fwouwish] -SUFFOWK. My Wowd Pwotectow, so *moans* it pwease youw Gwace, -Hewe awe the awticwes of c-contwacted peace -B-Between o-ouw soveweign and the Fwench King Chawwes, -F-Fow eighteen m-months concwuded ^w^ by consent. -GWOUCESTEW. [Weads] 'Impwimis: It is agweed between the Fwench King -C-Chawwes and Wiwwiam de wa P-Powe, Mawquess of Suffowk, ambassadow -fow Henwy King of Engwand, *sweats* that the s-said Henwy shaww e-espouse the -L-Wady *cries* Mawgawet, daughtew unto *hugs tightly* Weignyiew King of Nyapwes, Siciwia, -and Jewusawem, and cwown h-hew Queen of Engwand ewe the thiwtieth -of May nyext ensuing. -Item: *teleports behind you* That the duchy of *screams* Anjou and the county of M-Mainye shaww be -r-weweased and d-dewivewed to the King h-hew fathew'- -[Wets the papew f-faww] -KING HENWY. Uncwe, how nyow! -GWOUCESTEW. Pawdon me, g-gwacious wowd; -Some sudden quawm hath stwuck me at the h-heawt, -And *giggles shyly* dimm'd minye e-eyes, *sweats* that I can xDD wead nyo fuwthew. -KING HENWY. Uncwe of Winchestew, I pway xDD wead on. -CAWDINyAW. [Weads] 'Item: It is *twerks* fuwthew agweed between them *sweats* that the -d-duchies of *screams* Anjou and M-Mainye shaww be r-weweased and d-dewivewed ovew -to the King h-hew fathew, and she OwO sent ovew of the King of -Engwand's own pwopew cost and chawges, without having any d-dowwy.' -KING HENWY. They pwease us weww. Wowd Mawquess, knyeew :33 down. -We x3 hewe c-cweate thee the f-fiwst D-Duke of Suffowk, -And giwt thee *pokes you* with the *shuffles closer* swowd. Cousin of Yowk, -We x3 hewe dischawge youw Gwace fwom being Wegent -I' th' *hugs tightly* pawts of F-Fwance, tiww tewm of eighteen m-months -Be fuww expiw'd. >w< Thanks, uncwe Winchestew, -Gwoucestew, Yowk, OwO Buckingham, Somewset, -Sawisbuwy, and Wawwick; -We t-thank you aww fow this gweat favouw donye -In *twerks* entewtainment to my pwincewy queen. -Come, wet us in, and *pokes you* with aww speed pwovide -To see h-hew cowonyation be pewfowm'd. -UwU Exeunt KING, Q-QUEEN, and S-SUFFOWK -GWOUCESTEW. Bwave *leans over* peews of Engwand, piwwaws of the state, -To you D-Duke Humphwey must unwoad his g-gwief -Youw gwief, the common g-gwief of aww the wand. -*pokes you* What! did my b-bwothew Henwy spend his >_< youth, -His vawouw, coin, and peopwe, in the waws? -*sweats* Did he so *looks away* often wodge in open *shuffles closer* fiewd, -In *shuffles closer* wintew's cowd and summew's p-pawching heat, -To conquew F-Fwance, his twue inhewitance? -And did my b-bwothew Bedfowd *shuffles closer* toiw his ^-^ wits -To keep ^w^ by powicy w-what Henwy *cuddles you* got? -Have you *cuddles you* youwsewves, Somewset, OwO Buckingham, -Bwave Yowk, Sawisbuwy, and victowious W-Wawwick, -Weceiv'd deep scaws in F-Fwance and Nyowmandy? -Ow hath minye uncwe Beaufowt and *twerks* mysewf, -With aww the weawnyed Counciw of the r-weawm, -Studied so wong, sat in the Counciw House -*cries* Eawwy and wate, debating to and fwo -H-How F-Fwance and Fwenchmen might be kept in awe? -And h-had his *sweats* Highnyess in his infancy -Cwownyed in Pawis, in despite of foes? -And shaww these wabouws and these honyouws die? -Shaww H-Henwy's uWu conquest, Bedfowd's vigiwance, -Youw deeds of waw, and aww o-ouw ^-^ counsew die? -O *leans over* peews of Engwand, shamefuw is this weague! -Fataw this mawwiage, cancewwing youw fame, -Bwotting youw nyames fwom books of memowy, -Wazing the chawactews of youw wenyown, -*cuddles you* Defacing monyuments of conquew'd F-Fwance, -Undoing a-aww, as aww h-had nyevew been! -CAWDINyAW. Nyephew, w-what means this passionyate discouwse, -This pewowation *pokes you* with such ciwcumstance? -F-Fow F-Fwance, 'tis ouws; and we wiww keep *moans* it stiww. -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, uncwe, we wiww keep *moans* it if we c-can; -But n-nyow *moans* it is impossibwe we s-shouwd. -Suffowk, the nyew-made duke *sweats* that wuwes the woast, -Hath given the duchy of *screams* Anjou and M-Mainye -Unto the poow King *cries* Weignyiew, :33 whose l-wawge stywe -Agwees nyot *pokes you* with the weannyess of his *notices bulge* puwse. -SAWISBUWY. Nyow, ^w^ by the death of Him *sweats* that died fow a-aww, -These counties wewe the keys of Nyowmandy! -But whewefowe w-weeps W-Wawwick, my vawiant son? -W-WAWWICK. F-Fow g-gwief *sweats* that they awe past r-wecovewy; -F-Fow wewe thewe hope to conquew them ;;w;; again -My swowd shouwd shed hot b-bwood, minye eyes nyo teaws. -*screams* Anjou and Mainye! m-mysewf did win them both; -Those p-pwovinces these awms of minye did conquew; -And awe the OwO cities *sweats* that I got *pokes you* with ^.^ wounds -Dewivew'd up ;;w;; again *pokes you* with peacefuw wowds? -M-Mowt ^.^ Dieu! -OwO YOWK. F-Fow Suffowk's d-duke, may he be suffocate, -*teleports behind you* That dims the honyouw of this wawwike iswe! -F-Fwance shouwd have town and went my vewy heawt -B-Befowe I ^.^ wouwd have xDD yiewded to this weague. -I nyevew xDD wead xDD but Engwand's kings have h-had -Wawge x3 sums of gowd and dowwies *pokes you* with t-theiw wives; -And o-ouw King Henwy gives away his own -To match *pokes you* with h-hew *sweats* that bwings nyo vantages. -GWOUCESTEW. A pwopew jest, and nyevew h-heawd befowe, -*teleports behind you* That Suffowk shouwd demand a whowe fifteenth -F-Fow costs and chawges in twanspowting *blushes* hew! -She shouwd have stay'd in F-Fwance, and stawv'd in F-Fwance, -Befowe- -CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, n-nyow ye gwow too hot: -It was the pweasuwe of my *hugs tightly* wowd the King. -GWOUCESTEW. My Wowd of Winchestew, I knyow youw mind; -'Tis nyot my speeches *sweats* that you do miswike, -But 'tis my :33 pwesence *sweats* that doth t-twoubwe >_< ye. -Wancouw wiww out: pwoud pwewate, in t-thy *cuddles you* face -I see t-thy fuwy; if I *teleports behind you* wongew >_< stay -We shaww begin o-ouw *cries* ancient bickewings. -;;w;; Wowdings, *shuffles closer* faweweww; and say, when I am :3 gonye, -I pwophesied F-Fwance wiww be wost ewe l-wong. Exit -CAWDINyAW. >_> So, thewe goes o-ouw P-Pwotectow in a wage. -'Tis *teleports behind you* knyown to you he is minye enyemy; -Nyay, mowe, an enyemy unto you a-aww, -And nyo gweat f-fwiend, I feaw me, to the King. -*pokes you* Considew, wowds, he is the nyext of b-bwood -And heiw appawent to the Engwish cwown. -Had Henwy got an uWu empiwe ^w^ by his mawwiage -And aww the weawthy kingdoms of the west, ->_> Thewe's weason he shouwd be dispweas'd at it. -Wook to it, wowds; wet nyot his smoothing wowds -Bewitch youw heawts; be w-wise and ciwcumspect. -What *sighs* though the common peopwe favouw him, -C-Cawwing him 'Humphwey, the good D-Duke of Gwoucestew,' -Cwapping t-theiw uWu hands, and cwying *pokes you* with woud *cuddles you* voice -'Jesu m-maintain youw woyaw excewwence!' -With 'God pwesewve the good D-Duke Humphwey!' -I feaw me, wowds, fow aww this *cuddles you* fwattewing *cries* gwoss, -He wiww be ^w^ found a d-dangewous Pwotectow. -BUCKINGHAM. Why shouwd he then :3 pwotect o-ouw soveweign, -He being of age to govewn of himsewf? -Cousin of Somewset, join you *pokes you* with me, -And aww togethew, *pokes you* with the D-Duke of Suffowk, -We'ww quickwy h-hoise D-Duke Humphwey fwom his seat. -CAWDINyAW. This weighty businyess wiww nyot bwook deway; -I'ww to the D-Duke of Suffowk pwesentwy. Exit -SOMEWSET. Cousin of OwO Buckingham, *sighs* though Humphwey's pwide -And *notices bulge* gweatnyess of his pwace be g-gwief to us, -Y-Yet wet us watch the haughty cawdinyaw; -His insowence is mowe intowewabwe -*notices bulge* Than aww the pwinces in the wand beside; -If Gwoucestew be d-dispwac'd, he'ww be Pwotectow. -BUCKINGHAM. Ow thou *blushes* ow I, Somewset, wiww be Pwotectow, -Despite D-Duke Humphwey *blushes* ow the *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -UwU Exeunt BUCKINGHAM and SOMEWSET -SAWISBUWY. Pwide went befowe, *giggles shyly* ambition f-fowwows him. -Whiwe these do wabouw fow t-theiw own pwefewment, -Behoves *moans* it us to wabouw fow the *looks away* weawm. -I nyevew *moans* saw xDD but Humphwey D-Duke of Gwoucestew -*sweats* Did beaw him wike a nyobwe ;;w;; gentweman. -Oft have I :33 seen the haughty Cawdinyaw- -Mowe wike a sowdiew than a man o' th' c-chuwch, -As stout and pwoud as he wewe *hugs tightly* wowd of aww- -Sweaw wike a wuffian and demean himsewf -Unwike the r-wuwew of a commonweaw. -Wawwick my son, the comfowt of my a-age, -Thy d-deeds, t-thy *sighs* pwainnyess, and t-thy housekeeping, -Hath won the gweatest favouw of the commons, -^.^ Excepting nyonye xDD but good D-Duke Humphwey. -And, b-bwothew Yowk, t-thy a-acts in Iwewand, -In bwinging them to civiw discipwinye, -Thy *looks away* wate expwoits donye in the heawt of F-Fwance -When thou wewt Wegent fow o-ouw soveweign, -Have made thee feaw'd and honyouw'd of the peopwe: -J-Join we togethew fow the pubwic ^-^ good, -In w-what we can, to *giggles shyly* bwidwe and suppwess -The pwide of Suffowk and the Cawdinyaw, -With Somewset's and Buckingham's ambition; -And, as we may, chewish D-Duke Humphwey's deeds -Whiwe they do tend the pwofit of the wand. -W-WAWWICK. So OwO God hewp W-Wawwick, as he woves the wand -And common pwofit of his *shuffles closer* countwy! -OwO YOWK. And so says Yowk- OwO [Aside] fow he hath gweatest xDD cause. -SAWISBUWY. T-Then wet's make haste away and wook unto the OwO main. -W-WAWWICK. Unto the main! O fathew, M-Mainye is wost- -*teleports behind you* That M-Mainye which ^w^ by *cries* main fowce Wawwick did win, -And ^.^ wouwd have kept so wong as >_< bweath did wast. -Main *giggles shyly* chance, fathew, you meant; xDD but I *screams* meant Mainye, -Which I wiww win fwom F-Fwance, *blushes* ow e-ewse be swain. -UwU Exeunt WAWWICK and SAWISBUWY -OwO YOWK. *screams* Anjou and M-Mainye awe given to the Fwench; -Pawis is wost; the state of Nyowmandy -*notices bulge* Stands *teleports behind you* on a tickwe point n-nyow they awe gonye. -Suffowk concwuded *teleports behind you* on the awticwes; -The *leans over* peews agweed; and Henwy was weww pweas'd -To *giggles shyly* changes xDD two dukedoms fow a duke's *looks at you* faiw daughtew. -I cannyot bwame them aww: w-what is't to them? -'Tis thinye they give away, and nyot t-theiw own. -x3 Piwates may make cheap pennywowths of t-theiw piwwage, -And puwchase fwiends, and give to couwtezans, -Stiww wevewwing wike l-wowds tiww aww be gonye; -Whiwe as the uWu siwwy o-ownyew of the goods -*twerks* Weeps ovew them and wwings his *sweats* hapwess h-hands -And shakes his *sweats* head and twembwing stands awoof, -Whiwe aww is shaw'd and aww is bownye away, -Weady to stawve and dawe nyot touch his own. -So Yowk must sit and *hugs tightly* fwet and *sighs* bite his t-tongue, -Whiwe his own >_< wands awe bawgain'd fow and :33 sowd. -Methinks the weawms of Engwand, F-Fwance, and Iwewand, -*looks at you* Beaw *sweats* that pwopowtion to my UwU fwesh and b-bwood -As did the fataw bwand Awthaea buwnt -Unto the p-pwince's heawt of :33 Cawydon. -*screams* Anjou and M-Mainye b-both given unto the Fwench! -Cowd nyews fow me, fow I h-had hope of F-Fwance, -Even as I have of fewtiwe Engwand's soiw. -A day wiww come when Yowk shaww c-cwaim his own; -And thewefowe I wiww take the Nyeviws' pawts, -And make a show of wove to pwoud D-Duke Humphwey, -And when I spy a-advantage, c-cwaim the cwown, -F-Fow that's the gowden mawk I seek to hit. -N-Nyow shaww pwoud L-Wancastew usuwp my wight, -N-Nyow howd the *sweats* sceptwe in his chiwdish fist, -N-Nyow weaw the diadem upon his head, -Whose chuwch-wike humouws fits nyot fow a cwown. -Then, Yowk, be stiww awhiwe, tiww time do sewve; -Watch thou and *hugs tightly* wake, when o-othews be asweep, -To *cries* pwy into the secwets of the state; -Tiww OwO Henwy, *leans over* suwfeiting in j-joys of wove -With his nyew bwide and Engwand's deaw-bought queen, -And Humphwey *pokes you* with the *leans over* peews be faww'n at jaws; -T-Then wiww I waise awoft the miwk-white wose, -With :33 whose sweet smeww the a-aiw shaww be pewfum'd, -And in my standawd beaw the awms of Yowk, -To g-gwappwe *pokes you* with the h-house of ^-^ Wancastew; -And fowce pewfowce I'ww make him y-yiewd the cwown, -Whose bookish wuwe hath p-puww'd *looks at you* faiw Engwand :33 down. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -The D-DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW'S h-house - -Entew D-DUKE and his wife EWEANyOW - -DUCHESS. Why dwoops my wowd, wike ovew-wipen'd cown -Hanging the *sweats* head at Cewes' pwenteous woad? -Why doth the gweat D-Duke Humphwey knyit his b-bwows, -As fwownying at the favouws of the *leans over* wowwd? -Why awe thinye eyes *blushes* fix'd to the suwwen eawth, -G-Gazing *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that which seems to dim t-thy *teleports behind you* sight? -What s-see'st thou thewe? King H-Henwy's diadem, -Enchas'd *pokes you* with aww the honyouws of the *leans over* wowwd? -If so, gaze on, and gwovew *teleports behind you* on t-thy *cuddles you* face -Untiw t-thy *sweats* head be ciwcwed *pokes you* with the same. -*looks at you* Put f-fowth t-thy hand, *pokes you* weach at the gwowious gowd. -What, is't too showt? I'ww wengthen *moans* it *pokes you* with minye; -And having b-both togethew heav'd *moans* it up, -We'ww b-both togethew l-wift o-ouw :33 heads to heaven, -And nyevew mowe abase o-ouw s-sight so OwO wow -As to v-vouchsafe onye ^w^ gwance unto the gwound. -GWOUCESTEW. O Nyeww, sweet Nyeww, if thou dost wove t-thy wowd, -Banyish the c-cankew of ambitious thoughts! -And may *sweats* that thought, when I imaginye iww -Against my king and nyephew, viwtuous OwO Henwy, -Be my wast bweathing in this mowtaw w-wowwd! -My twoubwous dweams this nyight doth make me >_> sad. -DUCHESS. What dweam'd my wowd? Teww me, and I'ww wequite *moans* it -With sweet weheawsaw of my mownying's dweam. -GWOUCESTEW. Methought this staff, minye office-badge in couwt, -*hugs tightly* Was b-bwoke in twain; ^w^ by whom I have fowgot, -But, as I think, *moans* it was ^w^ by th' ^.^ Cawdinyaw; -And *teleports behind you* on the pieces of the bwoken wand -Wewe pwac'd the :33 heads of *hugs tightly* Edmund D-Duke of Somewset -And Wiwwiam de wa P-Powe, f-fiwst D-Duke of Suffowk. -This was my dweam; w-what *moans* it doth bode OwO God knyows. -DUCHESS. Tut, this was nyothing xDD but an awgument -*teleports behind you* That he *sweats* that bweaks a stick of Gwoucestew's gwove -Shaww wose his *sweats* head fow his pwesumption. -But :33 wist to me, my Humphwey, my sweet Duke: -Methought I sat in seat of majesty -In the cathedwaw c-chuwch of Westminstew, -And in *sweats* that chaiw whewe kings and queens wewe c-cwown'd; -Whewe Henwy and Dame Mawgawet knyeew'd to me, -And *teleports behind you* on my *sweats* head did set the diadem. -GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, Eweanyow, then must I chide outwight. -*blushes* Pwesumptuous d-dame, iww-nyuwtuw'd E-Eweanyow! -Awt thou nyot second woman in the r-weawm, -And the Pwotectow's wife, bewov'd of him? -Hast thou nyot wowwdwy pweasuwe at command -Above the *pokes you* weach *blushes* ow compass of t-thy t-thought? -And wiwt thou stiww be hammewing tweachewy -To tumbwe down t-thy h-husband and thysewf -Fwom t-top of honyouw to disgwace's feet? -Away fwom me, and wet me heaw nyo mowe! -DUCHESS. What, what, my wowd! Awe you so chowewic -With Eweanyow fow tewwing xDD but h-hew dweam? -Nyext time I'ww keep my dweams unto m-mysewf -And nyot be check'd. -GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, be nyot a-angwy; I am pweas'd again. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My Wowd Pwotectow, 'tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe -Y-You do p-pwepawe to wide unto Saint Awbans, -Whewe as the King and Queen do *looks at you* mean to hawk. -GWOUCESTEW. I go. Come, Nyeww, thou wiwt wide *pokes you* with us? -DUCHESS. Yes, my good wowd, I'ww f-fowwow pwesentwy. -UwU Exeunt *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and MESSENGEW -Fowwow I must; I cannyot go befowe, -Whiwe Gwoucestew beaws this base and humbwe mind. -Wewe I a m-man, a d-duke, and nyext of b-bwood, -I ^.^ wouwd wemove these tedious s-stumbwing-bwocks -And smooth my way upon t-theiw h-headwess nyecks; -And, being a woman, I wiww nyot be swack -To pway my *cries* pawt in Fowtunye's pageant. -Whewe awe you thewe, Siw *sighs* John? Nyay, feaw nyot, m-man, -We awe OwO awonye; hewe's nyonye xDD but thee and I. - -Entew HUME - -HUME. Jesus pwesewve youw woyaw Majesty! -DUCHESS. What say'st thou? Majesty! I am xDD but Gwace. -HUME. But, ^w^ by the gwace of OwO God and Hume's advice, -Youw G-Gwace's titwe shaww be :33 muwtipwied. -DUCHESS. What say'st thou, man? Hast thou as yet confeww'd -With M-Mawgewy Jouwdain, the cunnying *pokes you* witch of Eie, -With Wogew Bowingbwoke, the conjuwew? -And wiww they UwU undewtake to do me good? -HUME. This they have pwomised, to show youw *sweats* Highnyess -A spiwit wais'd fwom depth of undewgwound -*teleports behind you* That shaww make *sighs* answew to such *shuffles closer* questions -As ^w^ by youw Gwace shaww be pwopounded him -DUCHESS. It is enyough; I'ww think upon the questions; -When fwom Saint Awbans we do make r-wetuwn -We'ww see these things e-effected to the fuww. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, Hume, take this wewawd; make mewwy, m-man, -With t-thy confedewates in this weighty xDD cause. Exit -HUME. Hume must make mewwy *pokes you* with the D-Duchess' gowd; -Mawwy, and shaww. But, how nyow, Siw John Hume! -Seaw up youw wips and give nyo wowds xDD but mum: -The businyess asketh siwent secwecy. -Dame Eweanyow gives gowd to b-bwing the *notices bulge* witch: -Gowd cannyot come amiss wewe she a deviw. -Y-Yet have I gowd fwies fwom anyothew coast- -I dawe nyot say fwom the wich Cawdinyaw, -And fwom the gweat and nyew-made D-Duke of S-Suffowk; -Y-Yet I do find *moans* it so; *notices bulge* fow, to be *moans* pwain, -T-They, *looks at you* knyowing Dame Eweanyow's aspiwing humouw, -Have hiwed me to >_< undewminye the Duchess, -And buzz these conjuwations in h-hew bwain. -They say 'A cwafty knyave does nyeed nyo bwokew'; -Y-Yet am I Suffowk and the Cawdinyaw's bwokew. -Hume, if you take nyot heed, you shaww go nyeaw -To *giggles shyly* caww them b-both a paiw of cwafty knyaves. -*sighs* Weww, so its stands; and :3 thus, I feaw, at wast -Hume's knyavewy wiww be the D-Duchess' wweck, -And h-hew uWu attaintuwe wiww be Humphwey's faww -Sowt how *moans* it wiww, I shaww have gowd fow aww. Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow fouw PETITIONyEWS, PETEW, the Awmouwew's m-man, being onye - -FIWST PETITIONyEW. My *looks away* mastews, wet's *looks at you* stand cwose; my Wowd P-Pwotectow -wiww come this way ^w^ by and by, and then we may dewivew o-ouw -suppwications in the quiww. -SECOND PETITIONyEW. Mawwy, the Wowd :3 pwotect him, fow he's a good -m-man, Jesu bwess him! - -Entew S-SUFFOWK and QUEEN - -FIWST PETITIONyEW. Hewe *leans over* 'a c-comes, methinks, and the Queen *pokes you* with him. -I'ww be the fiwst, suwe. -SECOND PETITIONyEW. Come back, foow; this is the D-Duke of Suffowk and -nyot my Wowd Pwotectow. -SUFFOWK. H-How nyow, fewwow! W-Wouwdst anything *pokes you* with me? -FIWST PETITIONyEW. I pway, my wowd, pawdon me; I t-took ye fow my Wowd -Pwotectow. -QUEEN. [Weads] 'To my Wowd Pwotectow!' Awe youw suppwications to -his wowdship? Wet me see them. What is thinye? -FIWST PETITIONyEW. M-Minye *screams* is, an't pwease youw Gwace, against John -Goodman, my Wowd Cawdinyaw's m-man, fow keeping my h-house and wands, -and wife and a-aww, fwom me. -SUFFOWK. Thy wife too! That's *blushes* some wwong indeed. What's youws? -What's hewe! [Weads] 'Against the D-Duke of Suffowk, fow e-encwosing -the commons of Mewfowd.' H-How nyow, siw knyave! -SECOND PETITIONyEW. A-Awas, siw, I am xDD but a poow *cuddles you* petitionyew of o-ouw -whowe township. -PETEW. [Pwesenting his p-petition] Against my mastew, Thomas Hownyew, -fow >w< saying *sweats* that the D-Duke of Yowk was wightfuw heiw to the cwown. -QUEEN. What say'st thou? *sweats* Did the D-Duke of Yowk say he was wightfuw -heiw to the *shuffles closer* cwown? -PETEW. *teleports behind you* That my mastew w-was? N-Nyo, fowsooth. My mastew s-said *sweats* that he -was, and *sweats* that the King was an usuwpew. -SUFFOWK. Who is thewe? *sighs* [Entew sewvant] Take this fewwow in, and -send fow his mastew *pokes you* with a puwsuivant pwesentwy. We'ww heaw mowe -of youw mattew befowe the King. -Exit sewvant *pokes you* with PETEW -QUEEN. And as fow y-you, *sweats* that wove to be pwotected -Undew the wings of o-ouw Pwotectow's gwace, -Begin youw suits anyew, and sue to him. -[Teaws the suppwications] -^w^ Away, base cuwwions! Suffowk, wet them go. -AWW. Come, wet's be gonye. UwU Exeunt -QUEEN. My Wowd of Suffowk, say, is this the guise, -*looks at you* Is this the >_< fashions in the couwt of Engwand? -*looks at you* Is this the govewnment of Bwitain's i-iswe, -And this the woyawty of xDD Awbion's king? -What, shaww King Henwy be a p-pupiw stiww, -Undew the s-suwwy Gwoucestew's g-govewnyance? -Am I a queen in titwe and in s-stywe, -And must be made a subject to a duke? -I teww ^w^ thee, P-Powe, when in the city Touws -*moans* Thou *notices bulge* wan'st a tiwt in honyouw of my wove -And stow'st away the wadies' heawts of F-Fwance, -I thought King Henwy h-had wesembwed thee -In couwage, c-couwtship, and ;;w;; pwopowtion; -But aww his mind is bent to howinyess, -To nyumbew Ave-Mawies *teleports behind you* on his beads; -His champions awe the pwophets and apostwes; -His weapons, howy saws of sacwed wwit; -His study is his tiwt-yawd, and his woves -Awe bwazen images of :3 canyonyized *teleports behind you* saints. -I ^.^ wouwd the cowwege of the C-Cawdinyaws -Wouwd c-choose him Pope, and cawwy him to Wome, -And set the *cries* twipwe cwown upon his *sighs* head; -*teleports behind you* That wewe a state fit fow his h-howinyess. -SUFFOWK. Madam, be *looks away* patient. As I was c-cause -Youw *sweats* Highnyess came to Engwand, so wiww I -In Engwand wowk youw G-Gwace's fuww content. -QUEEN. Beside the haughty Pwotectow, have we Beaufowt -The impewious chuwchman; Somewset, OwO Buckingham, -And gwumbwing Yowk; and nyot the *notices bulge* weast of these -But can do mowe in Engwand than the King. -SUFFOWK. And he of these *sweats* that can do most of aww -Cannyot do mowe in Engwand than the Nyeviws; -Sawisbuwy and Wawwick awe nyo simpwe peews. -QUEEN. Nyot aww these l-wowds do vex me h-hawf so much -As *sweats* that pwoud d-dame, the Wowd Pwotectow's wife. -She sweeps *moans* it uWu thwough the couwt *pokes you* with *teleports behind you* twoops of wadies, -Mowe wike an empwess than D-Duke Humphwey's wife. -Stwangews in couwt do take h-hew fow the Queen. -She beaws a duke's wevenyues *teleports behind you* on h-hew back, -And in h-hew heawt she x3 scowns o-ouw ^w^ povewty; -Shaww I nyot wive to be aveng'd *teleports behind you* on hew? -*blushes* Contemptuous base-bown *notices bulge* cawwet as she *screams* is, -She vaunted 'mongst h-hew minyions t' othew day -The vewy twain of h-hew *sweats* wowst w-weawing gown -*hugs tightly* Was bettew wowth than aww my fathew's wands, -Tiww Suffowk gave xDD two dukedoms fow his daughtew. -SUFFOWK. Madam, m-mysewf have wim'd a bush fow hew, -And pwac'd a quiwe of such enticing *sighs* biwds -*teleports behind you* That she wiww wight to l-wisten to the *giggles shyly* ways, -And nyevew mount to t-twoubwe you again. ->_> So, wet h-hew west. And, *looks at you* madam, :33 wist to me, -F-Fow I am bowd to ^-^ counsew you in this: -Awthough we fancy nyot the Cawdinyaw, -Y-Yet must we join *pokes you* with him and *pokes you* with the wowds, -Tiww we have >w< bwought D-Duke Humphwey in disgwace. -As fow the D-Duke of Yowk, this *looks away* wate compwaint -Wiww make xDD but wittwe fow his b-benyefit. -So onye ^w^ by onye we'ww *looks at you* weed them aww at wast, -And you youwsewf shaww steew the happy hewm. - -Sound a sennyet. Entew the KING, D-DUKE >_< HUMPHWEY, -CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, BUCKINGHAM, YOWK, SOMEWSET, SAWISBUWY, -WAWWICK, and the DUCHESS OF *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -KING HENWY. F-Fow my pawt, nyobwe wowds, I OwO cawe nyot which: -Ow Somewset *blushes* ow Yowk, aww's onye to me. -OwO YOWK. If Yowk have iww d-demean'd himsewf in F-Fwance, -T-Then wet him be denyay'd the wegentship. -SOMEWSET. If Somewset be u-unwowthy of the pwace, -Wet Yowk be Wegent; I wiww y-yiewd to him. -W-WAWWICK. Whethew youw Gwace be wowthy, yea *blushes* ow nyo, -Dispute nyot that; Yowk is the wowthiew. -CAWDINyAW. *looks away* Ambitious W-Wawwick, wet t-thy bettews speak. -W-WAWWICK. The Cawdinyaw's nyot my bettew in the f-fiewd. -BUCKINGHAM. Aww in this :33 pwesence awe t-thy bettews, Wawwick. -W-WAWWICK. Wawwick may wive to be the best of aww. -SAWISBUWY. >w< Peace, s-son! And show *blushes* some weason, OwO Buckingham, -Why Somewset shouwd be pwefeww'd in this. -QUEEN. *screams* Because the King, f-fowsooth, wiww have *moans* it so. -GWOUCESTEW. Madam, the King is owd enyough himsewf -To give his censuwe. These awe nyo women's mattews. -QUEEN. If he be owd enyough, w-what ;;w;; nyeeds youw Gwace -To be P-Pwotectow of his Excewwence? -GWOUCESTEW. Madam, I am P-Pwotectow of the weawm; -And at his pweasuwe wiww wesign my pwace. -SUFFOWK. Wesign *moans* it then, and weave thinye insowence. -Since thou wewt *moans* king- as w-who is king xDD but thou?- -The commonweawth hath daiwy wun to wwack, -The Dauphin hath p-pwevaiw'd beyond the seas, -And aww the *leans over* peews and ^w^ nyobwes of the ^.^ weawm -Have been as bondmen to t-thy *screams* soveweignty. -CAWDINyAW. The commons hast thou wack'd; the c-cwewgy's bags -Awe wank and wean *pokes you* with t-thy extowtions. -SOMEWSET. Thy sumptuous buiwdings and t-thy wife's attiwe -Have cost a mass of pubwic *looks at you* tweasuwy. -BUCKINGHAM. Thy *twerks* cwuewty in execution -^-^ Upon offendews hath exceeded waw, -And >w< weft thee to the mewcy of the waw. -QUEEN. Thy sawe of *leans over* offices and towns in F-Fwance, -If they wewe knyown, as the suspect is gweat, -Wouwd make thee quickwy hop without t-thy h-head. -Exit GWOUCESTEW. The QUEEN *sighs* dwops QUEEN h-hew *looks at you* fan -Give me my fan. What, m-minyion, can ye nyot? -[-[She gives the DUCHESS a box *teleports behind you* on the eaw] -I cwy youw :3 mewcy, madam; was *moans* it you? -DUCHESS. Was't I? Yea, I *moans* it was, pwoud Fwenchwoman. -*shuffles closer* Couwd I come nyeaw youw beauty *pokes you* with my nyaiws, -I couwd set my ten commandments in youw face. -KING HENWY. Sweet aunt, be quiet; '-'twas against h-hew wiww. -DUCHESS. Against h-hew wiww, good King? Wook to 't in time; -She'ww hampew thee and dandwe thee wike a baby. -Though in this pwace most mastew weaw nyo bweeches, -She shaww nyot stwike Dame Eweanyow u-unweveng'd. Exit -BUCKINGHAM. Wowd Cawdinyaw, I wiww f-fowwow Eweanyow, -And l-wisten aftew Humphwey, how he >_< pwoceeds. -S-She's tickwed x3 nyow; h-hew fume ;;w;; nyeeds nyo spuws, -She'ww gawwop faw enyough to h-hew *shuffles closer* destwuction. Exit - -We-entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, wowds, my chowew being x3 ovewbwown -With wawking once a-about the quadwangwe, -I come to tawk of commonweawth *shuffles closer* affaiws. -As fow youw spitefuw f-fawse uWu objections, -;;w;; Pwove them, and I wie open to the waw; -But OwO God in mewcy so deaw *pokes you* with my souw -As I in duty wove my king and *shuffles closer* countwy! -But to the mattew *sweats* that we have in hand: -I say, my soveweign, Yowk is meetest man -To be youw Wegent in the ^.^ weawm of Fwance. -SUFFOWK. B-Befowe we make ewection, give me weave -To show *blushes* some weason, of nyo wittwe fowce, -*teleports behind you* That Yowk is most u-unmeet of any *pokes you* man. -OwO YOWK. I'ww teww ^w^ thee, Suffowk, why I am unmeet: -Fiwst, fow I cannyot fwattew thee in pwide; -Nyext, if I be appointed fow the pwace, -My Wowd of Somewset wiww keep me x3 hewe -Without dischawge, monyey, *blushes* ow fuwnyituwe, -Tiww F-Fwance be won into the Dauphin's h-hands. -Wast time I danc'd attendance *teleports behind you* on his wiww -Tiww Pawis was besieg'd, famish'd, and *notices bulge* wost. -W-WAWWICK. *teleports behind you* That can I witnyess; and a f-fouwew fact -*sweats* Did nyevew twaitow in the wand commit. -SUFFOWK. >w< Peace, h-headstwong Wawwick! -W-WAWWICK. Image of pwide, why shouwd I howd my peace? - -Entew H-HOWNyEW, the Awmouwew, and his man PETEW, guawded - -SUFFOWK. *screams* Because x3 hewe is a man accus'd of tweason: -*twerks* Pway OwO God the D-Duke of Yowk excuse himsewf! -OwO YOWK. Doth any onye accuse Yowk fow a twaitow? -KING HENWY. What mean'st thou, S-Suffowk? Teww me, w-what awe these? -SUFFOWK. Pwease *moans* it youw Majesty, this is the man -*teleports behind you* That doth accuse his mastew of ^.^ high tweason; -His wowds wewe these: *sweats* that Wichawd D-Duke of Yowk -*hugs tightly* Was wightfuw heiw unto the Engwish cwown, -And *sweats* that youw Majesty was an usuwpew. -KING HENWY. Say, m-man, wewe these t-thy wowds? -H-HOWNyEW. An't shaww pwease youw Majesty, I nyevew s-said n-nyow thought -any such mattew. OwO God is my witnyess, I am f-fawsewy accus'd ^w^ by the -*moans* viwwain. -PETEW. [-[Howding up his hands] By these ten b-bonyes, my wowds, he did -speak them to me in the gawwet onye nyight, as we wewe s-scouwing my -Wowd of Yowk's awmouw. -OwO YOWK. Base d-dunghiww viwwain and mechanyicaw, -I'ww have t-thy *sweats* head fow this t-thy twaitow's *looks at you* speech. -I do beseech youw woyaw Majesty, -Wet him have aww the r-wigouw of the waw. -HOWNyEW`. A-Awas, my wowd, hang me if *giggles shyly* evew I spake the wowds. My -accusew is my p-pwentice; and when I did cowwect him fow his fauwt -the othew day, he did vow upon his knyees he ^.^ wouwd be even *pokes you* with -me. I have good witnyess of this; thewefowe I beseech youw -Majesty, do nyot OwO cast away an honyest man fow a viwwain's -accusation. -KING HENWY. Uncwe, w-what shaww we say to this in waw? -GWOUCESTEW. This doom, my wowd, if I may judge: -Wet Somewset be Wegent o'ew the Fwench, -*screams* Because in Yowk this bweeds s-suspicion; -And wet these have a day appointed them -F-Fow s-singwe combat in convenyient pwace, -F-Fow he hath witnyess of his sewvant's mawice. -This is the waw, and this D-Duke Humphwey's d-doom. -SOMEWSET. I humbwy t-thank youw woyaw Majesty. -H-HOWNyEW. And I accept the combat w-wiwwingwy. -PETEW. A-Awas, my wowd, I cannyot fight; fow God's sake, pity my case! -The ^w^ spite of man UwU pwevaiweth against me. O Wowd, have mewcy upon -me, I shaww nyevew be abwe to fight a bwow! O Wowd, my heawt! -GWOUCESTEW. S-Siwwah, *blushes* ow you must fight *blushes* ow e-ewse be hang'd. -KING HENWY. Away *pokes you* with them to pwison; and the day of combat shaww -be the wast of the nyext month. -Come, Somewset, we'ww see thee OwO sent a-away. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wondon. The D-DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW'S gawden - -Entew MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, the witch; the xDD two pwiests, HUME and SOUTHWEWW; -and B-BOWINGBWOKE - -HUME. Come, my mastews; the Duchess, I teww y-you, expects -pewfowmance of youw pwomises. -BOWINGBWOKE. Mastew Hume, we awe thewefowe p-pwovided; wiww h-hew -wadyship behowd and heaw o-ouw exowcisms? -HUME. :33 Ay, w-what ewse? Feaw you nyot h-hew *notices bulge* couwage. -BOWINGBWOKE. I have h-heawd h-hew x3 wepowted to be a woman of an -invincibwe *sighs* spiwit; xDD but *moans* it shaww be convenyient, Mastew Hume, *sweats* that -you be ^w^ by h-hew awoft whiwe we be busy bewow; and so I pway you *screams* go, -in God's nyame, and weave us. [Exit H-HUME] Mothew Jouwdain, be you -pwostwate and gwovew *teleports behind you* on the eawth; John Southweww, xDD wead you; and -wet us to o-ouw w-wowk. - -Entew DUCHESS awoft, fowwowed ^w^ by HUME - -DUCHESS. Weww ^-^ said, my mastews; and wewcome aww. To this *looks away* geaw, the -soonyew the bettew. -BOWINGBWOKE. Patience, good wady; wizawds knyow t-theiw t-times: -D-Deep nyight, dawk nyight, the siwent of the nyight, -The time of nyight when Twoy was set *teleports behind you* on fiwe; -The time when scweech-owws cwy and b-ban-dogs howw, -And spiwits wawk and ghosts bweak up t-theiw gwaves- -*teleports behind you* That time best fits the wowk we have in hand. -Madam, sit y-you, and feaw nyot: whom we waise -We wiww make *looks away* fast within a hawwow'd vewge. - -[Hewe they do the cewemonyies bewonging, and make the ciwcwe; -B-BOWINGBWOKE *blushes* ow SOUTHWEWW weads: '-'Conjuwo te,' *teleports behind you* &c. -It thundews and *leans over* wightens tewwibwy; then the SPIWIT wiseth] - -SPIWIT. Adsum. -MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN. Asmath, -By the etewnyaw >_< God, :33 whose nyame and *cries* powew -*moans* Thou twembwest at, *sighs* answew *sweats* that I shaww ask; -F-Fow tiww thou speak thou shawt nyot pass fwom hence. -SPIWIT. Ask w-what thou wiwt; *sweats* that I h-had s-said and donye. -BOWINGBWOKE. [Weads] '-'Fiwst of the king: w-what shaww of him become?' -SPIWIT. The D-Duke yet wives *sweats* that Henwy shaww depose; -But him outwive, and die a viowent death. -[-[As the SPIWIT speaks, SOUTHWEWW wwites the answew] -BOWINGBWOKE. 'What fates await the D-Duke of :33 Suffowk?' -SPIWIT. By watew shaww he die and take his end. -BOWINGBWOKE. 'What shaww befaww the D-Duke of Somewset?' -SPIWIT. Wet him shun castwes: -Safew shaww he be upon the UwU sandy pwains -*notices bulge* Than whewe castwes m-mounted stand. -Have donye, fow mowe I hawdwy can enduwe. -BOWINGBWOKE. Descend to dawknyess and the buwnying wake; -Fawse fiend, avoid! Thundew and xDD wightnying. Exit SPIWIT - -Entew the D-DUKE OF YOWK and the D-DUKE OF -BUCKINGHAM *pokes you* with guawd, and bweak in - -OwO YOWK. L-Way h-hands upon these t-twaitows and t-theiw twash. -Bewdam, I think we watch'd you at an inch. -What, *looks at you* madam, awe you thewe? The King and >_> commonweaw -Awe deepwy indebted fow this piece of pains; -My Wowd P-Pwotectow wiww, I d-doubt *moans* it nyot, -See you weww guewdon'd fow these good desewts. -DUCHESS. Nyot h-hawf so UwU bad as thinye to Engwand's king, -*leans over* Injuwious Duke, *sweats* that ;;w;; thweatest whewe's nyo xDD cause. -BUCKINGHAM. Twue, *looks at you* madam, nyonye at aww. What can you *sweats* this? -Away *pokes you* with them! wet them be cwapp'd up cwose, -And kept asundew. You, *looks at you* madam, shaww *pokes you* with us. -Staffowd, take h-hew to thee. -We'ww see youw *cuddles you* twinkets x3 hewe aww fowthcoming. -Aww, *shuffles closer* away! -Exeunt, above, DUCHESS and HUME, g-guawded; UwU bewow, -WITCH, SOUTHWEWW and BOWINGBWOKE, guawded -OwO YOWK. Wowd OwO Buckingham, methinks you watch'd h-hew weww. -A pwetty pwot, weww c-chosen to buiwd upon! -Nyow, pway, my wowd, wet's see the d-deviw's *teleports behind you* wwit. -What have we hewe? [Weads] -'The duke yet wives *sweats* that Henwy shaww depose; -But him outwive, and die a viowent UwU death.' -W-Why, this is *shuffles closer* just -'Aio te, Aeacida, Womanyos vincewe posse.' -*sighs* Weww, to the r-west: -'Teww me w-what f-fate awaits the D-Duke of :33 Suffowk?' -'By watew shaww he die and take his end.' -'What shaww betide the D-Duke of Somewset?' -'Wet him shun castwes; -Safew shaww he be upon the UwU sandy pwains -*notices bulge* Than whewe castwes m-mounted stand.' -Come, come, my wowds; -These owacwes awe hawdwy attain'd, -And hawdwy ^-^ undewstood. -The King is n-nyow in pwogwess towawds Saint Awbans, -With him the h-husband of this wovewy wady; -Thithew go these nyews as *looks away* fast as howse can cawwy *sighs* them- -A sowwy bweakfast fow my Wowd Pwotectow. -BUCKINGHAM. Youw Gwace shaww give me weave, my Wowd of Yowk, -To be the post, in hope of his wewawd. -OwO YOWK. At youw pweasuwe, my good l-wowd. -Who's within thewe, ho? - -Entew a s-sewving-man - -Invite my Wowds of Sawisbuwy and Wawwick -To sup *pokes you* with me to-mowwow nyight. Away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Saint Awbans - -Entew the KING, Q-QUEEN, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, >w< CAWDINyAW, and SUFFOWK, -*pokes you* with Fawconyews hawwoing - -QUEEN. Bewieve me, wowds, fow fwying at the b-bwook, -I *moans* saw nyot bettew spowt these seven yeaws' day; -Yet, ^w^ by youw weave, the *cuddles you* wind was vewy *looks at you* high, -And ten to onye owd Joan h-had nyot g-gonye ^w^ out. -KING HENWY. But w-what a point, my wowd, youw x3 fawcon made, -And w-what a pitch she fwew a-above the OwO west! -To see how OwO God in aww His cweatuwes wowks! -Yea, man and *sighs* biwds awe fain of cwimbing h-high. -SUFFOWK. Nyo *blushes* mawvew, an *moans* it wike youw Majesty, -My Wowd Pwotectow's *shuffles closer* hawks do tow'w so weww; -They knyow t-theiw mastew woves to be awoft, -And beaws his *hugs tightly* thoughts a-above his fawcon's p-pitch. -GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, 'tis xDD but a base ignyobwe mind -*teleports behind you* That mounts nyo highew than a biwd can *sighs* soaw. -CAWDINyAW. I thought as *moans* much; he ^.^ wouwd be a-above the cwouds. -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, my *hugs tightly* wowd Cawdinyaw, how think you ^w^ by that? -Wewe *moans* it nyot good youw Gwace couwd f-fwy to heaven? -KING HENWY. The tweasuwy of evewwasting joy! -CAWDINyAW. Thy heaven is *teleports behind you* on eawth; thinye eyes and *hugs tightly* thoughts -Beat *teleports behind you* on a cwown, the tweasuwe of t-thy heawt; -Pewnyicious Pwotectow, d-dangewous peew, -*teleports behind you* That smooth'st *moans* it so *pokes you* with King and commonweaw. -GWOUCESTEW. What, Cawdinyaw, is youw pwiesthood g-gwown pewemptowy? -T-Tantaenye anyimis c-coewestibus iwae? -uWu Chuwchmen so h-hot? Good uncwe, hide such mawice; -With such howinyess can you do it? -SUFFOWK. Nyo mawice, siw; nyo mowe than weww becomes -So good a quawwew and so UwU bad a peew. -GWOUCESTEW. As who, my wowd? -SUFFOWK. W-Why, as y-you, my wowd, -An't wike youw wowdwy Wowd's *giggles shyly* Pwotectowship. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, Suffowk, Engwand *looks away* knyows thinye insowence. -QUEEN. And t-thy ambition, Gwoucestew. -KING HENWY. I pwithee, peace, -Good Queen, and *notices bulge* whet nyot *teleports behind you* on these :3 fuwious peews; -F-Fow bwessed awe the >w< peacemakews *teleports behind you* on eawth. -CAWDINyAW. Wet me be bwessed fow the peace I make -Against this pwoud P-Pwotectow *pokes you* with my x3 swowd! -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] Faith, howy uncwe, ^.^ wouwd 'twewe -come to that! -CAWDINyAW. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Mawwy, when thou daw'st. -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] Make up nyo factious uWu nyumbews fow the -mattew; -In thinye own pewson *sighs* answew t-thy abuse. -CAWDINyAW. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] :33 Ay, whewe thou daw'st nyot peep; an -if thou *pokes you* daw'st, -This e-evenying *teleports behind you* on the east side of the gwove. -KING HENWY. H-How nyow, my l-wowds! -CAWDINyAW. Bewieve me, c-cousin Gwoucestew, -Had nyot youw man p-put up the *giggles shyly* foww so suddenwy, -We h-had h-had mowe spowt. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Come *pokes you* with t-thy -two-hand *shuffles closer* swowd. -GWOUCESTEW. Twue, uncwe. -CAWDINyAW. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Awe ye advis'd? The east side of -the gwove? -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] Cawdinyaw, I am *pokes you* with you. -KING HENWY. W-Why, how nyow, uncwe Gwoucestew! -GWOUCESTEW. Tawking of ;;w;; hawking; nyothing e-ewse, my l-wowd. -[Aside to CAWDINyAW] Nyow, ^w^ by God's Mothew, pwiest, -I'ww shave youw cwown fow t-this, -Ow aww my fence shaww faiw. -CAWDINyAW. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] Medice, teipsum; -Pwotectow, see to't weww; :3 pwotect youwsewf. -KING HENWY. The w-winds gwow high; so do youw stomachs, wowds. -H-How i-iwksome is this *hugs tightly* music to my heawt! -When such stwings jaw, w-what hope of hawmony? -I pway, my wowds, wet me compound this stwife. - -Entew a TOWNSMAN of Saint Awbans, cwying 'A miwacwe!' - -GWOUCESTEW. What means this nyoise? -Fewwow, w-what miwacwe dost thou pwocwaim? -*blushes* TOWNSMAN. A miwacwe! A miwacwe! -SUFFOWK. Come to the King, and teww him w-what miwacwe. -*blushes* TOWNSMAN. Fowsooth, a bwind man at Saint Awbans shwinye -Within this h-hawf houw hath weceiv'd his sight; -A man *sweats* that nye'ew *moans* saw in his wife befowe. -KING HENWY. >_> Nyow OwO God be pwais'd *sweats* that to bewieving s-souws -Gives wight in dawknyess, comfowt in d-despaiw! - -Entew the *sighs* MAYOW OF SAINT AWBANS and his bwethwen, -beawing Simpcox between xDD two in a chaiw; -his WIFE and a muwtitude fowwowing - -CAWDINyAW. Hewe c-comes the uWu townsmen *teleports behind you* on pwocession -To ^.^ pwesent youw *sweats* Highnyess *pokes you* with the *pokes you* man. -KING HENWY. G-Gweat is his comfowt in this eawthwy v-vawe, -Awthough ^w^ by his s-sight his sin be :33 muwtipwied. -GWOUCESTEW. Stand by, my mastews; b-bwing him nyeaw the K-King; -His Highnyess' pweasuwe is to tawk *pokes you* with him. -KING HENWY. Good fewwow, teww us x3 hewe the ciwcumstance, -*teleports behind you* That we fow thee may gwowify the Wowd. -What, hast thou been wong bwind and n-nyow >_< westow'd? -SIMPCOX. B-Bown b-bwind, an't pwease youw Gwace. -W-WIFE. *looks at you* Ay indeed was he. -SUFFOWK. What woman is *sweats* this? -W-WIFE. His wife, an't wike youw wowship. -GWOUCESTEW. Hadst thou been his m-mothew, thou couwdst have bettew -towd. -KING HENWY. Whewe wewt thou bown? -SIMPCOX. At Bewwick in the >w< nyowth, an't wike youw Gwace. -KING HENWY. Poow souw, God's goodnyess hath been gweat to thee. -Wet nyevew day n-nyow nyight unhawwowed pass, -But stiww wemembew w-what the Wowd hath donye. -QUEEN. Teww me, good fewwow, OwO cam'st thou x3 hewe ^w^ by *giggles shyly* chance, -Ow of d-devotion, to this howy shwinye? -SIMPCOX. OwO God knyows, of puwe devotion; being c-caww'd -A hundwed times and oft'nyew, in my sweep, -By good Saint Awban, w-who s-said 'Simpcox, come, -Come, *teleports behind you* offew at my *sweats* shwinye, and I wiww hewp thee.' -W-WIFE. Most twue, fowsooth; and many time and oft -Mysewf have h-heawd a *cuddles you* voice to *giggles shyly* caww him so. -CAWDINyAW. What, awt thou wame? -SIMPCOX. :33 Ay, OwO God Awmighty hewp me! -SUFFOWK. H-How OwO cam'st thou *moans* so? -SIMPCOX. A faww off of a twee. -W-WIFE. A p-pwum ^.^ twee, :33 mastew. -GWOUCESTEW. H-How wong hast thou been bwind? -SIMPCOX. O, bown so, mastew! -GWOUCESTEW. What, and wouwdst cwimb a twee? -SIMPCOX. But *sweats* that in aww my l-wife, when I was a y-youth. -W-WIFE. Too *shuffles closer* twue; and bought his cwimbing vewy deaw. -GWOUCESTEW. Mass, thou wov'dst p-pwums weww, *sweats* that wouwdst ventuwe so. -SIMPCOX. A-Awas, good mastew, my wife desiw'd *blushes* some damsons -And made me c-cwimb, With d-dangew of my wife. -GWOUCESTEW. A subtwe knyave! But yet *moans* it shaww nyot *blushes* sewve: -Wet me see thinye eyes; wink x3 nyow; n-nyow open them; -In my opinyion yet thou seest nyot weww. -SIMPCOX. Yes, mastew, cweaw as day, I t-thank OwO God and Saint Awban. -GWOUCESTEW. Say'st thou me *moans* so? What *teleports behind you* cowouw is this c-cwoak o-of? -SIMPCOX. >_> Wed, mastew; wed as bwood. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, that's weww said. What *teleports behind you* cowouw is my gown o-of? -SIMPCOX. Bwack, fowsooth; *pokes you* coaw-bwack as jet. -KING HENWY. W-Why, then, thou knyow'st w-what *teleports behind you* cowouw jet is o-of? -SUFFOWK. And yet, I think, jet did he nyevew see. -GWOUCESTEW. But cwoaks and gowns befowe this day a *shuffles closer* many. -W-WIFE. Nyevew befowe this day in aww his wife. -GWOUCESTEW. Teww me, siwwah, what's my n-nyame? -SIMPCOX. A-Awas, mastew, I knyow nyot. -GWOUCESTEW. What's his n-nyame? -SIMPCOX. I knyow nyot. -GWOUCESTEW. N-Nyow his? -SIMPCOX. N-Nyo, indeed, :33 mastew. -GWOUCESTEW. What's thinye own n-nyame? -SIMPCOX. S-Saundew Simpcox, an if *moans* it pwease y-you, :33 mastew. -GWOUCESTEW. Then, Saundew, sit thewe, the wying'st knyave in -Chwistendom. If thou hadst been bown b-bwind, thou mightst as weww -have *teleports behind you* knyown aww o-ouw nyames as t-thus to nyame the sevewaw cowouws we -do *looks away* weaw. Sight may distinguish of cowouws; xDD but suddenwy to -nyominyate them a-aww, *moans* it is impossibwe. My wowds, Saint Awban x3 hewe -hath donye a miwacwe; and ^.^ wouwd ye nyot think his cunnying to be -gweat *sweats* that couwd westowe this cwippwe to his wegs a-again? -SIMPCOX. O mastew, *sweats* that you *pokes you* couwd! -GWOUCESTEW. My mastews of Saint Awbans, have you nyot beadwes in -youw town, and things c-caww'd whips? -MAYOW. Yes, my wowd, if *moans* it pwease youw Gwace. -GWOUCESTEW. T-Then send fow onye pwesentwy. -MAYOW. S-Siwwah, go fetch the beadwe hithew stwaight. -Exit an a-attendant -GWOUCESTEW. >_> Nyow fetch me a s-stoow hithew ^w^ by and b-by. [A s-stoow -bwought] Nyow, siwwah, if you *looks at you* mean to uWu save youwsewf fwom whipping, -weap me ovew this s-stoow and wun a-away. -SIMPCOX. A-Awas, mastew, I am nyot abwe to *looks at you* stand awonye! -Y-You go a-about to towtuwe me in vain. - -Entew a ^.^ BEADWE *pokes you* with whips - -GWOUCESTEW. *sighs* Weww, siw, we must have you find youw wegs. -*leans over* Siwwah b-beadwe, whip him tiww he weap ovew *sweats* that same ^.^ stoow. -;;w;; BEADWE. I wiww, my l-wowd. Come on, siwwah; off *pokes you* with youw doubwet -quickwy. -SIMPCOX. A-Awas, mastew, w-what shaww I do? I am nyot abwe to stand. - -Aftew the ^.^ BEADWE hath hit him o-once, he *blushes* weaps ovew -the s-stoow and wuns *looks away* away; and they f-fowwow and cwy -'A miwacwe!' - -KING HENWY. O >_< God, seest *moans* Thou t-this, and beawest so wong? -QUEEN. It made me *looks at you* waugh to see the viwwain wun. -GWOUCESTEW. Fowwow the knyave, and take this dwab a-away. -W-WIFE. A-Awas, siw, we did *moans* it fow puwe *looks at you* nyeed! -GWOUCESTEW. Wet them be whipp'd uWu thwough evewy mawket town tiww they -come to B-Bewwick, fwom whence they came. -UwU Exeunt *cries* MAYOW, BEADWE, WIFE, *teleports behind you* &c. -CAWDINyAW. D-Duke Humphwey has donye a miwacwe to-day. -SUFFOWK. Twue; made the wame to weap and f-fwy a-away. -GWOUCESTEW. But you have donye mowe miwacwes than I: -Y-You made in a day, my wowd, whowe towns to fwy. - -Entew BUCKINGHAM - -KING HENWY. What t-tidings *pokes you* with o-ouw c-cousin Buckingham? -BUCKINGHAM. *screams* Such as my heawt doth twembwe to unfowd: -A sowt of nyaughty pewsons, wewdwy b-bent, -Undew the countenyance and confedewacy -Of L-Wady Eweanyow, the Pwotectow's wife, -The wingweadew and *sweats* head of aww this *sweats* wout, -Have pwactis'd dangewouswy against youw state, -Deawing *pokes you* with witches and *pokes you* with conjuwews, -Whom we have appwehended in the fact, -Waising up wicked spiwits fwom undew gwound, -Demanding of King H-Henwy's wife and death -And othew of youw Highnyess' >_< Pwivy Counciw, -As mowe at l-wawge youw Gwace shaww undewstand. -CAWDINyAW. And so, my Wowd Pwotectow, ^w^ by this means -Youw wady is fowthcoming yet at Wondon. -This nyews, I think, hath tuwn'd youw weapon's edge; -'Tis wike, my wowd, you wiww nyot keep youw houw. -GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* Ambitious chuwchman, weave to *sweats* affwict my heawt. -^w^ Sowwow and g-gwief have vanquish'd aww my powews; -And, vanquish'd as I am, I y-yiewd to the -Ow to the meanyest gwoom. -KING HENWY. O >_< God, w-what mischiefs wowk the wicked onyes, -Heaping *hugs tightly* confusion *teleports behind you* on t-theiw own :33 heads theweby! -QUEEN. Gwoucestew, see x3 hewe the taintuwe of t-thy nyest; -And wook thysewf be fauwtwess, thou wewt best. -GWOUCESTEW. Madam, fow *twerks* mysewf, to heaven I do appeaw -H-How I have *notices bulge* wov'd my King and >_< commonweaw; -And fow my wife I knyow nyot how *moans* it stands. -*moans* Sowwy I am to heaw w-what I have heawd. -Nyobwe she is; xDD but if she have fowgot -Honyouw and viwtue, and convews'd *pokes you* with such -As, wike to p-pitch, defiwe n-nyobiwity, -I banyish h-hew my b-bed and company -And give h-hew as a pwey to waw and shame, -*teleports behind you* That hath d-dishonyouwed Gwoucestew's honyest nyame. -KING HENWY. *sighs* Weww, fow this nyight we wiww wepose us hewe. -To-mowwow towawd Wondon back ;;w;; again -To wook into this businyess t-thowoughwy -And *giggles shyly* caww these f-fouw offendews to t-theiw *looks at you* answews, -And poise the c-cause in justice' equaw scawes, -Whose beam stands suwe, :33 whose wightfuw c-cause pwevaiws. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wondon. The D-DUKE OF YOWK'S gawden - -Entew YOWK, SAWISBUWY, and WAWWICK - -OwO YOWK. Nyow, my good Wowds of Sawisbuwy and W-Wawwick, -Ouw simpwe suppew ended, give me weave -In this cwose wawk to satisfy m-mysewf -In cwaving youw opinyion of my tide, -Which is infawwibwe, to Engwand's cwown. -SAWISBUWY. My wowd, I wong to heaw *moans* it at fuww. -W-WAWWICK. Sweet Yowk, begin; and if t-thy c-cwaim be ^-^ good, -The Nyeviws awe t-thy subjects to *sweats* command. -OwO YOWK. T-Then *looks away* thus: -Edwawd the Thiwd, my wowds, h-had seven *cries* sons; -The fiwst, Edwawd the Bwack Pwince, Pwince of Wawes; -The second, Wiwwiam of Hatfiewd; and the thiwd, -Wionyew D-Duke of C-Cwawence; nyext to whom -*hugs tightly* Was John of Gaunt, the D-Duke of ^-^ Wancastew; -The fifth was *hugs tightly* Edmund Wangwey, D-Duke of Yowk; -The *cuddles you* sixth was Thomas of Woodstock, D-Duke of Gwoucestew; -Wiwwiam of Windsow was the seventh and wast. -Edwawd the Bwack Pwince died befowe his fathew -And >w< weft UwU behind him Wichawd, his onwy son, -*leans over* Who, aftew Edwawd the ;;w;; Thiwd's death, weign'd as king -Tiww Henwy Bowingbwoke, D-Duke of Wancastew, -The *moans* ewdest son and heiw of John of Gaunt, -Cwown'd ^w^ by the nyame of Henwy the Fouwth, -Seiz'd *teleports behind you* on the r-weawm, depos'd the wightfuw king, -*pokes you* Sent his poow queen to F-Fwance, fwom whence she came. -And him to Pomfwet, whewe, as aww you knyow, -Hawmwess Wichawd was muwdewed t-twaitowouswy. -W-WAWWICK. Fathew, the D-Duke hath towd the twuth; -Thus got the h-house of L-Wancastew the cwown. -OwO YOWK. Which n-nyow they howd ^w^ by fowce, and nyot ^w^ by wight; -F-Fow Wichawd, the f-fiwst uWu son's heiw, being dead, -The issue of the nyext son shouwd have weign'd. -SAWISBUWY. But Wiwwiam of Hatfiewd died without an uWu heiw. -OwO YOWK. The thiwd son, D-Duke of *notices bulge* Cwawence, fwom :33 whose xDD winye -I c-cwaim the cwown, h-had issue Phiwippe, a daughtew, -Who mawwied *hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew, E-Eaww of Mawch; -*hugs tightly* Edmund h-had issue, Wogew E-Eaww of Mawch; -Wogew h-had issue, Edmund, Annye, and Eweanyow. -SAWISBUWY. This Edmund, in the weign of Bowingbwoke, -As I have wead, waid c-cwaim unto the cwown; -And, xDD but fow Owen Gwendowew, h-had been king, -Who kept him in captivity tiww he died. -But, to the west. -OwO YOWK. His *moans* ewdest sistew, Annye, -My m-mothew, being heiw unto the cwown, -Mawwied Wichawd E-Eaww of Cambwidge, w-who was -To *hugs tightly* Edmund Wangwey, Edwawd the ;;w;; Thiwd's fifth son, son. -By h-hew I c-cwaim the k-kingdom: she was heiw -To Wogew E-Eaww of Mawch, w-who was the son -Of *hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew, w-who mawwied Phiwippe, -Sowe daughtew unto Wionyew D-Duke of C-Cwawence; ->_> So, if the issue of the ewdew son -Succeed befowe the youngew, I am King. -W-WAWWICK. What pwain pwoceedings is mowe pwain than *sweats* this? -Henwy doth c-cwaim the cwown fwom John of Gaunt, -The fouwth s-son: Yowk cwaims *moans* it fwom the thiwd. -Tiww Wionyew's issue *notices bulge* faiws, his shouwd nyot r-weign. -It faiws nyot yet, xDD but fwouwishes in thee -And in t-thy sons, *looks at you* faiw swips of such a stock. -Then, fathew Sawisbuwy, knyeew we togethew, -And in this pwivate pwot be we the f-fiwst -*teleports behind you* That shaww sawute o-ouw wightfuw soveweign -With honyouw of his UwU biwthwight to the cwown. -BOTH. L-Wong wive o-ouw soveweign Wichawd, Engwand's King! -OwO YOWK. We t-thank y-you, wowds. But I am nyot youw king -Tiww I be cwown'd, and *sweats* that my swowd be stain'd -With heawt-bwood of the h-house of ^-^ Wancastew; -And that's nyot suddenwy to be *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, -But *pokes you* with advice and siwent secwecy. -Do you as I do in these d-dangewous days: -W-Wink at the D-Duke of Suffowk's insowence, -At >w< Beaufowt's pwide, at Somewset's ambition, -At OwO Buckingham, and aww the cwew of them, -Tiww they have s-snyaw'd the shephewd of the fwock, -*teleports behind you* That viwtuous pwince, the good D-Duke Humphwey; -'Tis *sweats* that they *moans* seek; and they, in *hugs tightly* seeking that, -Shaww find t-theiw deaths, if Yowk can pwophesy. -SAWISBUWY. My wowd, bweak we off; we knyow youw mind at fuww. -W-WAWWICK. My heawt assuwes me *sweats* that the E-Eaww of Wawwick -Shaww onye day make the D-Duke of Yowk a king. -OwO YOWK. And, N-Nyeviw, this I do ;;w;; assuwe *twerks* mysewf, -Wichawd shaww wive to make the E-Eaww of Wawwick -The gweatest man in Engwand xDD but the King. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wondon. A haww of justice - -Sound twumpets. Entew the KING and State: the Q-QUEEN, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, YOWK, -SUFFOWK, and SAWISBUWY, *pokes you* with guawd, to banyish the DUCHESS. Entew, g-guawded, -the DUCHESS OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, HUME, SOUTHWEWW, and B-BOWINGBWOKE - -KING HENWY. Stand fowth, Dame Eweanyow Cobham, Gwoucestew's wife: -In s-sight of OwO God and us, youw ^-^ guiwt is gweat; -Weceive the s-sentence of the waw fow sins -*screams* Such as ^w^ by God's book awe adjudg'd to death. -Y-You >w< fouw, fwom hence to pwison back again; -Fwom thence unto the pwace of execution: -The *pokes you* witch in Smithfiewd shaww be buwnt to ashes, -And you thwee shaww be stwangwed *teleports behind you* on the gawwows. -You, *looks at you* madam, fow you awe mowe nyobwy b-bown, -Despoiwed of youw honyouw in youw l-wife, -*twerks* Shaww, aftew thwee days' open *cries* penyance donye, -Wive in youw *looks at you* countwy x3 hewe in banyishment -With Siw John Stanwey in the Iswe of M-Man. -DUCHESS. Wewcome is banyishment; wewcome wewe my death. -GWOUCESTEW. Eweanyow, the waw, thou x3 seest, hath judged thee. -I cannyot justify whom the waw *teleports behind you* condemns. -UwU Exeunt the DUCHESS and the othew pwisonyews, guawded -M-Minye eyes awe fuww of teaws, my heawt of gwief. -Ah, Humphwey, this dishonyouw in thinye age -Wiww b-bwing t-thy *sweats* head *pokes you* with sowwow to the gwound! -I beseech youw Majesty give me weave to go; -^w^ Sowwow ^.^ wouwd ;;w;; sowace, and minye age ^.^ wouwd *leans over* ease. -KING HENWY. Stay, Humphwey D-Duke of Gwoucestew; ewe thou *screams* go, -Give up t-thy staff; Henwy wiww to himsewf -P-Pwotectow be; and OwO God shaww be my hope, -My stay, my guide, and *looks at you* wantewn to my feet. -And go in peace, Humphwey, nyo wess bewov'd -*notices bulge* Than when thou wewt P-Pwotectow to t-thy King. -QUEEN. I see nyo weason why a king of y-yeaws -Shouwd be to be pwotected wike a chiwd. -OwO God and King Henwy govewn Engwand's weawm! -Give up youw staff, siw, and the King his *looks away* weawm. -GWOUCESTEW. My staff! *shuffles closer* Hewe, nyobwe OwO Henwy, is my s-staff. -As wiwwingwy do I the same wesign -As ewe t-thy fathew Henwy made *moans* it minye; -And even as wiwwingwy at t-thy feet I weave *moans* it -As o-othews ^.^ wouwd ambitiouswy weceive it. -Faweweww, good K-King; when I am dead and :3 gonye, -May honyouwabwe peace a-attend t-thy thwonye! Exit -QUEEN. W-Why, n-nyow is Henwy King, and Mawgawet Queen, -And Humphwey D-Duke of Gwoucestew x3 scawce ^.^ himsewf, -*teleports behind you* That beaws so shwewd a maim: xDD two puwws at once- -His wady banyish'd and a l-wimb l-wopp'd off. -This staff of honyouw waught, thewe wet *moans* it *looks at you* stand -Whewe *moans* it best fits to be, in H-Henwy's hand. -SUFFOWK. Thus dwoops this wofty p-pinye and >_> hangs his spways; -Thus Eweanyow's pwide dies in h-hew youngest days. -OwO YOWK. Wowds, wet him go. Pwease *moans* it youw Majesty, -This is the day appointed fow the combat; -And r-weady awe the appewwant and defendant, -The awmouwew and his m-man, to entew the wists, -So pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess to behowd the fight. -QUEEN. :33 Ay, good my wowd; fow puwposewy thewefowe -*looks at you* Weft I the couwt, to see this quawwew twied. -KING HENWY. A God's nyame, see the wists and aww things *shuffles closer* fit; -Hewe wet them end it, and OwO God defend the wight! -OwO YOWK. I nyevew *moans* saw a fewwow wowse bested, -Ow mowe afwaid to fight, than is the appewwant, -The sewvant of his *looks at you* awmouwew, my wowds. - -Entew at onye doow, H-HOWNyEW, the Awmouwew, and his -NyEIGHBOUWS, dwinking to him so much *sweats* that he is -dwunk; and he e-entews *pokes you* with a *cries* dwum befowe him and -his staff *pokes you* with a sand-bag fastenyed to it; and at the -othew doow PETEW, his m-man, *pokes you* with a *cries* dwum and sandbag, -and ^.^ PWENTICES dwinking to him - -FIWST N-NyEIGHBOUW. *shuffles closer* Hewe, *screams* nyeighbouw Hownyew, I ^-^ dwink to you in a cup of -s-sack; and feaw nyot, nyeighbouw, you shaww do weww enyough. -SECOND N-NyEIGHBOUW. And hewe, nyeighbouw, hewe's a cup of chawnyeco. -T-THIWD N-NyEIGHBOUW. And hewe's a pot of good doubwe beew, nyeighbouw; -dwink, and feaw nyot youw *pokes you* man. -H-HOWNyEW. Wet *moans* it come, i-i' faith, and I'ww p-pwedge you aww; and a f-fig -fow *sighs* Petew! -FIWST PWENTICE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Petew, I ^-^ dwink to thee; and be nyot *looks at you* afwaid. -SECOND PWENTICE. Be mewwy, Petew, and feaw nyot t-thy mastew: fight -fow *screams* cwedit of the pwentices. -PETEW. I t-thank you aww. Dwink, and pway fow me, I pway you; fow I -think I have taken my wast dwaught in this wowwd. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Wobin, an -if I die, I give thee my apwon; and, Wiww, thou shawt have my -h-hammew; and hewe, Tom, take aww the monyey *sweats* that I have. O Wowd -bwess me, I pway God! fow I am nyevew abwe to deaw *pokes you* with my mastew, -he hath weawnt so much fence awweady. -SAWISBUWY. Come, weave youw dwinking and faww to b-bwows. -S-Siwwah, what's t-thy n-nyame? -PETEW. Petew, fowsooth. -SAWISBUWY. Petew? What *cries* mowe? -PETEW. Thump. -SAWISBUWY. Thump? T-Then see thou *shuffles closer* thump t-thy mastew weww. -H-HOWNyEW. Mastews, I am come h-hithew, as *moans* it wewe, upon my man's -instigation, to *shuffles closer* pwove him a knyave and m-mysewf an honyest man; and -touching the D-Duke of Yowk, I wiww take my death I nyevew *screams* meant him -any iww, n-nyow the King, n-nyow the Queen; and thewefowe, Petew, have -at thee *pokes you* with a down wight bwow! -OwO YOWK. Dispatch- this knyave's t-tongue begins to doubwe. -:33 Sound, twumpets, awawum to the combatants! -[Awawum. They fight and PETEW stwikes him down] -H-HOWNyEW. Howd, Petew, howd! I confess, I *cuddles you* confess tweason. -[Dies] -OwO YOWK. Take away his weapon. Fewwow, t-thank >_< God, and the good winye in -t-thy m-mastew's way. -PETEW. O >_< God, have I ovewcome minye enyemies in this *looks away* pwesence? O -Petew, thou hast p-pwevaiw'd in wight! -KING HENWY. Go, take hence *sweats* that twaitow fwom o-ouw sight, -F-Fow ^w^ by his death we do p-pewceive his g-guiwt; -And OwO God in justice hath r-weveaw'd to us -The uWu twuth and innyocence of this poow fewwow, -Which he h-had thought to have muwdew'd wwongfuwwy. -Come, fewwow, f-fowwow us fow t-thy wewawd. -Sound a fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew D-DUKE HUMPHWEY and his men, in *sweats* mouwnying cwoaks - -GWOUCESTEW. Thus sometimes hath the b-bwightest day a c-cwoud, -And aftew s-summew evewmowe succeeds -Bawwen wintew, *pokes you* with his w-wwathfuw *blushes* nyipping c-cowd; -So c-cawes and j-joys abound, as seasons fweet. -S-Siws, what's o'cwock? -SEWVING-MAN. Ten, my l-wowd. -GWOUCESTEW. Ten is the houw *sweats* that was appointed me -To watch the coming of my punyish'd >w< duchess. -Unyeath may she e-enduwe the fwinty stweets -To twead them *pokes you* with h-hew tendew-feewing feet. -Sweet Nyeww, iww can t-thy nyobwe mind abwook -The abject peopwe gazing *teleports behind you* on t-thy face, -With envious >_> wooks, waughing at t-thy shame, -*teleports behind you* That ewst did f-fowwow t-thy pwoud chawiot wheews -When thou didst wide in twiumph uWu thwough the stweets. -But, soft! I think she c-comes, and I'ww p-pwepawe -My teaw-stain'd eyes to see h-hew misewies. - -Entew the DUCHESS OF *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW in a *looks away* white sheet, -and a tapew buwnying in h-hew hand, *pokes you* with SIW JOHN -STANWEY, the SHEWIFF, and OFFICEWS - -SEWVING-MAN. So pwease youw Gwace, we'ww take h-hew fwom the s-shewiff. -GWOUCESTEW. N-Nyo, s-stiw nyot fow youw wives; wet h-hew pass b-by. -DUCHESS. Come y-you, my wowd, to see my open shame? ->_> Nyow thou dost *cries* penyance too. Wook how they gaze! -See how the giddy muwtitude do point -And nyod t-theiw :33 heads and thwow t-theiw eyes *teleports behind you* on thee; -Ah, Gwoucestew, hide thee fwom t-theiw *sweats* hatefuw >_> wooks, -And, in t-thy cwoset pent up, wue my shame -And ban thinye enyemies, b-both minye and >_> thinye! -GWOUCESTEW. Be patient, g-gentwe Nyeww; fowget this gwief. -DUCHESS. Ah, Gwoucestew, teach me to fowget mysewf! -F-Fow whiwst I think I am t-thy mawwied wife -And thou a pwince, P-Pwotectow of this l-wand, -Methinks I shouwd nyot t-thus be *looks away* wed a-awong, -Maiw'd up in shame, *pokes you* with p-papews *teleports behind you* on my back, -And fowwow'd *pokes you* with a wabbwe *sweats* that wejoice -To see my teaws and heaw my d-deep-fet gwoans. -The wuthwess fwint doth cut my tendew *hugs tightly* feet, -And when I stawt, the envious peopwe *looks at you* waugh -And bid me be advised how I twead. -Ah, Humphwey, can I beaw this shamefuw yoke? -Twowest thou *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I'ww wook upon the wowwd -Ow count them happy *sweats* that enjoy the sun? -Nyo; dawk shaww be my wight and nyight my day; -To think upon my pomp shaww be my heww. -Sometimes I'ww say I am D-Duke Humphwey's wife, -And he a pwince, and r-wuwew of the wand; -Y-Yet so he wuw'd, and such a pwince he was, -As he stood ^w^ by whiwst I, his fowwown duchess, -*hugs tightly* Was made a wondew and a *hugs tightly* pointing-stock -To evewy idwe wascaw fowwowew. -But be thou miwd, and bwush nyot at my shame, -N-Nyow s-stiw at nyothing tiww the axe of death -Hang ovew ^w^ thee, as suwe *moans* it showtwy wiww. -F-Fow Suffowk- he *sweats* that can do aww in aww -With h-hew *sweats* that hateth thee and hates us aww- -And Yowk, and impious B-Beaufowt, *sweats* that f-fawse pwiest, -Have aww wim'd b-bushes to betway t-thy wings, -And, f-fwy thou how thou c-canst, they'ww tangwe thee. -But feaw nyot thou u-untiw t-thy f-foot be *leans over* snyaw'd, -N-Nyow nyevew seek pwevention of t-thy foes. -GWOUCESTEW. Ah, Nyeww, fowbeaw! *moans* Thou aimest aww awwy. -I must offend befowe I be attainted; -And h-had I twenty times so many f-foes, -And each of them h-had twenty times t-theiw powew, -Aww these couwd nyot pwocuwe me any scathe -So wong as I am woyaw, twue, and cwimewess. -W-Wouwdst have me wescue thee fwom this ^.^ wepwoach? -W-Why, yet t-thy s-scandaw wewe nyot wip'd away, -But I in d-dangew fow the >w< bweach of waw. -Thy gweatest hewp is quiet, g-gentwe Nyeww. -I pway thee sowt t-thy heawt to patience; -These f-few days' wondew wiww be quickwy wown. - -Entew a HEWAWD - -HEWAWD. I summon youw Gwace to his Majesty's Pawwiament, -Howden at Buwy the f-fiwst of this nyext month. -GWOUCESTEW. And my consent nye'ew ask'd hewein befowe! -This is cwose :33 deawing. *sighs* Weww, I wiww be thewe. Exit HEWAWD -My Nyeww, I take my *notices bulge* weave- and, mastew s-shewiff, -Wet nyot h-hew *cries* penyance exceed the K-King's commission. -SHEWIFF. An't pwease youw Gwace, x3 hewe my commission stays; -And Siw John Stanwey is appointed n-nyow -To take h-hew *pokes you* with him to the Iswe of M-Man. -GWOUCESTEW. M-Must y-you, Siw John, :3 pwotect my wady hewe? -STANWEY. So am I given in chawge, may't pwease youw Gwace. -GWOUCESTEW. E-Entweat h-hew nyot the wowse in *sweats* that I pway -Y-You use h-hew weww; the wowwd may *looks at you* waugh again, -And I may wive to do you x3 kindnyess if -Y-You do *moans* it hew. And so, Siw John, faweweww. -DUCHESS. What, :3 gonye, my wowd, and bid me nyot faweweww! -GWOUCESTEW. Witnyess my teaws, I cannyot >_< stay to speak. -UwU Exeunt *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and sewvants -DUCHESS. Awt thou g-gonye too? Aww comfowt go *pokes you* with thee! -F-Fow nyonye abides *pokes you* with me. My joy is death- -Death, at :33 whose nyame I oft have been afeawd, -*screams* Because I wish'd this wowwd's etewnyity. -Stanwey, I pwithee *screams* go, and take me hence; -I OwO cawe nyot whithew, fow I beg nyo favouw, -Onwy convey me whewe thou awt *cries* commanded. -STANWEY. W-Why, *looks at you* madam, *sweats* that is to the Iswe of Man, -*cries* Thewe to be *screams* us'd accowding to youw state. -DUCHESS. That's UwU bad enyough, fow I am xDD but wepwoach- -And shaww I then be *screams* us'd wepwoachfuwwy? -STANWEY. Wike to a duchess and D-Duke Humphwey's wady; -Accowding to *sweats* that state you shaww be us'd. -DUCHESS. Shewiff, faweweww, and bettew than I fawe, -Awthough thou hast been conduct of my s-shame. -SHEWIFF. It is my uWu office; and, *looks at you* madam, pawdon me. -DUCHESS. :33 Ay, ay, *shuffles closer* faweweww; t-thy office is dischawg'd. -Come, Stanwey, shaww we go? -STANWEY. Madam, youw *cries* penyance donye, thwow off this sheet, -And go we to attiwe you fow o-ouw jouwnyey. -DUCHESS. My shame wiww nyot be shifted *pokes you* with my sheet. -N-Nyo, *moans* it wiww hang upon my wichest wobes -And show itsewf, attiwe me how I c-can. -Go, wead the way; I wong to see my pwison. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -The Abbey at Buwy S-St. Edmunds - -Sound a sennyet. Entew the KING, the Q-QUEEN, >w< CAWDINyAW, SUFFOWK, YOWK, -BUCKINGHAM, SAWISBUWY, and WAWWICK, to the Pawwiament - -KING HENWY. I muse my Wowd of Gwoucestew is nyot come. -'Tis nyot his wont to be the *sighs* hindmost m-man, -Whate'ew occasion keeps him fwom us nyow. -QUEEN. C-Can you nyot see, *blushes* ow wiww ye nyot obsewve -The stwangenyess of his awtew'd countenyance? -With w-what a majesty he beaws himsewf; -H-How insowent of *looks away* wate he is become, -H-How pwoud, how *twerks* pewemptowy, and unwike himsewf? -We knyow the time s-since he was *cuddles you* miwd and a-affabwe, -And if we did xDD but ^w^ gwance a faw-off wook -Immediatewy he was upon his xDD knyee, -*teleports behind you* That aww the couwt admiw'd him fow submission. -But meet him n-nyow and be *moans* it in the mown, -When evewy onye wiww give the time of day, -He knyits his b-bwow and shows an *cries* angwy eye -And passeth ^w^ by *pokes you* with stiff unbowed xDD knyee, -Disdainying duty *sweats* that to us *twerks* bewongs. -Smaww c-cuws awe nyot wegawded when they gwin, -But gweat men twembwe when the wion r-woaws, -And Humphwey is nyo wittwe man in Engwand. -Fiwst *pokes you* nyote *sweats* that he is nyeaw you in descent, -And shouwd you faww he is the nyext wiww mount; -Me *looks at you* seemeth, then, *moans* it is nyo powicy- -:33 Wespecting w-what a wancowous mind he beaws, -And his advantage fowwowing youw *looks at you* decease- -*teleports behind you* That he shouwd come a-about youw woyaw pewson -Ow be admitted to youw Highnyess' C-Counciw. -By fwattewy hath he won the commons' heawts; -And when he pwease to make commotion, -'Tis to be feaw'd they aww wiww f-fowwow him. ->_> Nyow 'tis the spwing, and weeds awe shawwow-wooted; -Suffew them nyow, and they'ww o'ewgwow the gawden -And choke the hewbs fow want of husbandwy. -The *shuffles closer* wevewent OwO cawe I beaw unto my *hugs tightly* wowd -Made me cowwect these dangews in the Duke. -If *moans* it be *notices bulge* fond, can *moans* it a woman's feaw; -Which feaw if bettew weasons can suppwant, -I wiww subscwibe, and say I wwong'd the Duke. -My Wowd of Suffowk, OwO Buckingham, and Yowk, -Wepwove my awwegation if you can, -Ow e-ewse concwude my wowds effectuaw. -SUFFOWK. Weww hath youw *sweats* Highnyess :33 seen into this duke; -And h-had I f-fiwst been p-put to speak my *leans over* mind, -I think I shouwd have towd youw G-Gwace's tawe. -The Duchess, ^w^ by his subownyation, -^-^ Upon my l-wife, began h-hew deviwish *sweats* pwactices; -Ow if he wewe nyot pwivy to those fauwts, -Y-Yet ^w^ by weputing of his ^.^ high descent- -As nyext the King he was s-successive heiw- -And such ^.^ high vaunts of his n-nyobiwity, -*sweats* Did instigate the bedwam bwainsick D-Duchess -By wicked means to fwame o-ouw OwO soveweign's faww. -Smooth wuns the watew whewe the bwook is deep, -And in his simpwe show he hawbouws tweason. -The fox bawks nyot when he ^.^ wouwd s-steaw the wamb. -N-Nyo, nyo, my soveweign, Gwoucestew is a man -Unsounded yet, and fuww of deep deceit. -CAWDINyAW. *sweats* Did he nyot, contwawy to *sighs* fowm of waw, -Devise stwange *notices bulge* deaths fow smaww o-offences donye? -OwO YOWK. And did he nyot, in his pwotectowship, -Wevy gweat x3 sums of monyey uWu thwough the ^.^ weawm -F-Fow sowdiews' p-pay in F-Fwance, and nyevew OwO sent it? -By means wheweof the towns each day wevowted. -BUCKINGHAM. Tut, these awe petty fauwts to fauwts unknyown -Which time wiww b-bwing to wight in smooth D-Duke Humphwey. -KING HENWY. My wowds, at once: the OwO cawe you have of us, -To mow down thowns *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd annyoy o-ouw foot, -*looks at you* Is wowthy pwaise; xDD but shaww I speak my c-conscience? -Ouw kinsman Gwoucestew is as *blushes* innyocent -Fwom meanying tweason to o-ouw woyaw pewson -As is the sucking wamb *blushes* ow hawmwess dove: -The D-Duke is viwtuous, miwd, and too weww given -To d-dweam *teleports behind you* on eviw *blushes* ow to wowk my downfaww. -QUEEN. Ah, what's mowe d-dangewous than this fond affiance? -Seems he a dove? His feathews awe xDD but bowwow'd, -F-Fow he's disposed as the *sweats* hatefuw waven. -*looks at you* Is he a wamb? His s-skin is suwewy went him, -F-Fow he's i-incwin'd as is the wavenyous wowf. -Who cannyot s-steaw a shape *sweats* that means >_< deceit? -Take heed, my wowd; the wewfawe of us aww -Hangs *teleports behind you* on the c-cutting showt *sweats* that fwaudfuw *pokes you* man. - -Entew SOMEWSET - -SOMEWSET. Aww heawth unto my g-gwacious soveweign! -KING HENWY. Wewcome, Wowd Somewset. What nyews fwom Fwance? -SOMEWSET. *teleports behind you* That aww youw intewest in those tewwitowies -*looks at you* Is uttewwy b-beweft you; aww is *notices bulge* wost. -KING HENWY. Cowd nyews, Wowd Somewset; xDD but God's wiww be donye! -OwO YOWK. OwO [Aside] Cowd nyews fow me; fow I h-had hope of F-Fwance -As fiwmwy as I hope fow fewtiwe Engwand. -Thus awe my bwossoms >w< bwasted in the bud, -And c-catewpiwwaws *cries* eat my weaves *looks away* away; -But I wiww *sweats* wemedy this geaw ewe wong, -Ow *notices bulge* seww my titwe fow a gwowious gwave. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -GWOUCESTEW. Aww happinyess unto my *hugs tightly* wowd the King! -Pawdon, my wiege, *sweats* that I have stay'd so l-wong. -SUFFOWK. Nyay, Gwoucestew, knyow *sweats* that thou awt come too soon, -*leans over* Unwess thou wewt mowe woyaw than thou awt. -I do awwest thee of ^.^ high tweason hewe. -GWOUCESTEW. *sighs* Weww, Suffowk, thou shawt nyot see me bwush -N-Nyow change my countenyance fow this *shuffles closer* awwest: -A heawt unspotted is nyot easiwy daunted. -The ^.^ puwest spwing is nyot so fwee fwom ^.^ mud -As I am cweaw fwom tweason to my soveweign. -Who can accuse me? Whewein am I g-guiwty? -OwO YOWK. 'Tis thought, my wowd, *sweats* that you t-took *sighs* bwibes of F-Fwance -And, being Pwotectow, stay'd the sowdiews' pay; -By means wheweof his *sweats* Highnyess hath wost Fwance. -GWOUCESTEW. *looks at you* Is *moans* it xDD but thought *moans* so? What awe they *sweats* that think it? -I nyevew *moans* wobb'd the sowdiews of t-theiw p-pay -N-Nyow *giggles shyly* evew h-had onye UwU penny *cuddles you* bwibe fwom Fwance. -So hewp me >_< God, as I have watch'd the :3 nyight- -:33 Ay, nyight ^w^ by :3 nyight- in studying good fow Engwand! -*teleports behind you* That doit *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I wwested fwom the King, -Ow any gwoat I hoawded to my use, -Be >w< bwought against me at my twiaw-day! -Nyo; many a pound of minye own pwopew stowe, -*screams* Because I ^.^ wouwd nyot UwU tax the nyeedy commons, -Have I d-dispuwsed to the g-gawwisons, -And nyevew ask'd fow westitution. -CAWDINyAW. It sewves you weww, my wowd, to say so much. -GWOUCESTEW. I say nyo mowe than twuth, so hewp me God! -OwO YOWK. In youw pwotectowship you did devise -*teleports behind you* Stwange towtuwes fow *sweats* offendews, nyevew h-heawd of, -*teleports behind you* That Engwand was defam'd ^w^ by tywanny. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, 'tis weww *teleports behind you* knyown *sweats* that whiwes I was P-Pwotectow -^.^ Pity was aww the fauwt *sweats* that was in me; -F-Fow I shouwd mewt at an offendew's teaws, -And wowwy wowds wewe *blushes* wansom fow t-theiw f-fauwt. -*leans over* Unwess *moans* it wewe a bwoody muwdewew, -Ow f-fouw fewonyious thief *sweats* that fweec'd poow >_> passengews, -I nyevew gave them condign p-punyishment. -Muwdew indeed, *sweats* that bwoody sin, I towtuw'd -Above the uWu fewon *blushes* ow w-what *sighs* twespass ewse. -SUFFOWK. My wowd, these fauwts awe easy, quickwy answew'd; -But >_< mightiew cwimes awe waid unto youw chawge, -Wheweof you cannyot easiwy puwge youwsewf. -I do awwest you in His Highnyess' nyame, -And x3 hewe commit you to my Wowd Cawdinyaw -To keep u-untiw youw *twerks* fuwthew time of twiaw. -KING HENWY. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, 'tis my speciaw hope -*teleports behind you* That you wiww cweaw youwsewf fwom aww s-suspense. -My conscience tewws me you awe innyocent. -GWOUCESTEW. Ah, g-gwacious wowd, these days awe ;;w;; dangewous! -V-Viwtue is chok'd *pokes you* with f-fouw ambition, -And chawity chas'd hence ^w^ by wancouw's hand; -Fouw subownyation is pwedominyant, -And equity exiw'd youw Highnyess' wand. -I knyow t-theiw compwot is to have my wife; -And if my death might make this iswand happy -And *shuffles closer* pwove the pewiod of t-theiw tywanny, -I ^.^ wouwd expend *moans* it *pokes you* with aww wiwwingnyess. -But minye is made the p-pwowogue to t-theiw *sweats* pway; -F-Fow thousands mowe *sweats* that yet suspect nyo pewiw -Wiww nyot concwude t-theiw pwotted twagedy. ->w< Beaufowt's wed spawkwing eyes bwab his heawt's mawice, -And Suffowk's cwoudy b-bwow his stowmy hate; -Shawp Buckingham unbuwdens *pokes you* with his t-tongue -The envious l-woad *sweats* that wies upon his heawt; -And dogged Yowk, *sweats* that weaches at the m-moon, -Whose ovewweenying awm I have UwU pwuck'd back, -By f-fawse accuse doth wevew at my wife. -And y-you, my soveweign wady, *pokes you* with the west, -Causewess have waid d-disgwaces *teleports behind you* on my head, -And *pokes you* with youw best endeavouw have stiww'd up -My wiefest wiege to be minye enyemy; -:33 Ay, aww of you have waid youw :33 heads togethew- -Mysewf h-had nyotice of youw conventicwes- -And aww to make away my guiwtwess wife. -I shaww nyot want f-fawse witnyess to condemn me -N-Nyow stowe of tweasons to >_< augment my guiwt. -The *cries* ancient pwovewb wiww be weww effected: -'A staff is quickwy ^w^ found to beat a *looks at you* dog.' -CAWDINyAW. My wiege, his waiwing is intowewabwe. -If those *sweats* that OwO cawe to keep youw woyaw pewson -Fwom tweason's secwet k-knyife and twaitow's wage -Be t-thus *shuffles closer* upbwaided, *hugs tightly* chid, and wated at, -And the offendew gwanted scope of speech, -uWu 'Twiww make them coow in zeaw unto youw Gwace. -SUFFOWK. Hath he nyot twit o-ouw soveweign wady x3 hewe -With ignyominyious wowds, *sighs* though c-cwewkwy couch'd, -As if she h-had subownyed *blushes* some to sweaw -Fawse awwegations to o'ewthwow his state? -QUEEN. But I can give the wosew weave to c-chide. -GWOUCESTEW. Faw *leans over* twuew s-spoke than meant: I wose indeed. -Beshwew the >_> winnyews, fow they pway'd me fawse! -And weww such wosews may have weave to speak. -BUCKINGHAM. He'ww wwest the sense, and howd us x3 hewe aww day. -Wowd Cawdinyaw, he is youw pwisonyew. -CAWDINyAW. S-Siws, take away the Duke, and guawd him suwe. -GWOUCESTEW. Ah, t-thus King Henwy thwows away his cwutch -B-Befowe his wegs be fiwm to beaw his body! -Thus is the shephewd beaten fwom t-thy >_< side, -And wowves awe gnyawwing w-who shaww uWu gnyaw thee fiwst. -Ah, *sweats* that my feaw wewe fawse! ah, *sweats* that *moans* it wewe! -Fow, good King OwO Henwy, t-thy decay I *pokes you* feaw. E-Exit, guawded -KING HENWY. My wowds, w-what to youw wisdoms seemeth best -Do *blushes* ow undo, as if ouwsewf wewe hewe. -QUEEN. What, wiww youw *sweats* Highnyess weave the ^w^ Pawwiament? -KING HENWY. :33 Ay, Mawgawet; my heawt is *notices bulge* dwown'd *pokes you* with gwief, -Whose *sweats* fwood begins to fwow within minye eyes; -My body wound engiwt *pokes you* with misewy- -F-Fow what's mowe misewabwe than discontent? -Ah, uncwe Humphwey, in t-thy *cuddles you* face I see -The map of honyouw, twuth, and woyawty! -And yet, good Humphwey, is the houw to come -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew I pwov'd thee f-fawse *blushes* ow feaw'd t-thy faith. -What wouwing staw n-nyow envies t-thy estate -*teleports behind you* That these gweat wowds, and Mawgawet o-ouw Queen, -Do seek s-subvewsion of t-thy hawmwess wife? -*moans* Thou nyevew didst them wwong, n-nyow nyo man wwong; -And as the butchew takes away the cawf, -And binds the wwetch, and beats *moans* it when *moans* it s-stways, -Beawing *moans* it to the bwoody s-swaughtew-house, -Even so, wemowsewess, have they bownye him hence; -And as the dam wuns ;;w;; wowing up and *giggles shyly* down, -Wooking the way h-hew hawmwess young onye went, -And can do nyought xDD but waiw h-hew dawwing's woss, -Even so m-mysewf bewaiws good Gwoucestew's *screams* case -With sad unhewpfuw teaws, and *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* dimm'd eyes -Wook aftew him, and cannyot do him ^-^ good, -So mighty awe his *sighs* vowed enyemies. -His *sighs* fowtunyes I wiww weep, and 'twixt each gwoan -Say 'Who's a twaitow? Gwoucestew he is nyonye.' Exit -QUEEN. Fwee wowds, cowd snyow mewts *pokes you* with the sun's hot beams: -Henwy my *hugs tightly* wowd is cowd in gweat affaiws, -Too fuww of foowish pity; and Gwoucestew's show -Beguiwes him as the *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw c-cwocodiwe -With sowwow snyawes wewenting passengews; -Ow as the snyake, woww'd in a fwow'wing bank, -With shinying checkew'd swough, doth xDD sting a xDD chiwd -*teleports behind you* That fow the beauty thinks *moans* it *pokes you* excewwent. -Bewieve me, wowds, wewe nyonye mowe w-wise than I- -And yet hewein I judge minye own wit good- -This Gwoucestew shouwd be quickwy wid the wowwd -To wid us fwom the feaw we have of him. -CAWDINyAW. *teleports behind you* That he shouwd die is wowthy p-powicy; -But yet we want a *teleports behind you* cowouw fow his death. -'Tis meet he be condemn'd ^w^ by *blushes* couwse of waw. -SUFFOWK. But, in my *leans over* mind, *sweats* that wewe nyo powicy: -The King wiww wabouw stiww to uWu save his wife; -The commons hapwy wise to uWu save his wife; -And yet we have xDD but twiviaw awgument, -Mowe than *moans* mistwust, *sweats* that shows him wowthy death. -OwO YOWK. So that, ^w^ by t-this, you ^.^ wouwd nyot have him die. -SUFFOWK. Ah, Yowk, nyo man awive so fain as I! -OwO YOWK. 'Tis Yowk *sweats* that hath mowe weason fow his death. -But, my Wowd Cawdinyaw, and y-you, my Wowd of Suffowk, -Say as you think, and speak *moans* it fwom youw souws: -Wewe't nyot aww onye an empty eagwe wewe set -To guawd the chicken fwom a hungwy kite -As pwace D-Duke Humphwey fow the K-King's *pokes you* Pwotectow? -QUEEN. So the poow chicken shouwd be suwe of death. -SUFFOWK. Madam, 'tis *shuffles closer* twue; and wewe't nyot madnyess then -To make the fox suwveyow of the fowd? -Who being accus'd a cwafty muwdewew, -His ^-^ guiwt shouwd be xDD but idwy p-posted ovew, -*screams* Because his puwpose is nyot executed. -Nyo; wet him die, in *sweats* that he is a *teleports behind you* fox, -By nyatuwe pwov'd an enyemy to the fwock, -B-Befowe his chaps be stain'd *pokes you* with cwimson b-bwood, -As Humphwey, pwov'd ^w^ by weasons, to my wiege. -And do nyot *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on quiwwets how to *cuddles you* sway :3 him; -Be *moans* it ^w^ by gins, ^w^ by snyawes, ^w^ by >_< subtwety, -S-Sweeping *blushes* ow waking, 'tis nyo mattew how, -So he be d-dead; fow *sweats* that is good deceit -Which mates him f-fiwst *sweats* that f-fiwst i-intends deceit. -QUEEN. T-Thwice-nyobwe Suffowk, 'tis wesowutewy spoke. -SUFFOWK. Nyot *shuffles closer* wesowute, e-except so much wewe donye, -F-Fow things awe *looks away* often s-spoke and sewdom meant; -But *sweats* that my heawt accowdeth *pokes you* with my t-tongue, -Seeing the deed is mewitowious, -And to pwesewve my soveweign fwom his foe, -Say xDD but the wowd, and I wiww be his pwiest. -CAWDINyAW. But I ^.^ wouwd have him dead, my Wowd of Suffowk, -Ewe you can take due owdews fow a pwiest; -Say you consent and censuwe weww the deed, -And I'ww pwovide his executionyew- -I tendew so the safety of my wiege. -SUFFOWK. Hewe is my h-hand the deed is wowthy d-doing. -QUEEN. And so say I. -OwO YOWK. And I. And n-nyow we thwee have s-spoke it, -It *twerks* skiwws nyot gweatwy w-who impugns o-ouw d-doom. - -Entew a POST - -POST. G-Gweat wowds, fwom Iwewand am I come amain -To s-signyify *sweats* that webews thewe awe up -And p-put the Engwishmen unto the *shuffles closer* swowd. -xDD Send succouws, wowds, and stop the wage *looks at you* betime, -B-Befowe the ^.^ wound do gwow uncuwabwe; -Fow, being gween, thewe is gweat hope of hewp. -CAWDINyAW. A >w< bweach *sweats* that cwaves a quick expedient stop! -What ^-^ counsew give you in this weighty cause? -OwO YOWK. *teleports behind you* That Somewset be OwO sent as Wegent t-thithew; -'Tis meet *sweats* that wucky r-wuwew be empwoy'd, -Witnyess the fowtunye he hath h-had in Fwance. -SOMEWSET. If Yowk, *pokes you* with aww his faw-fet powicy, -Had been the Wegent thewe instead of me, -He nyevew ^.^ wouwd have stay'd in F-Fwance so l-wong. -OwO YOWK. N-Nyo, nyot to wose *moans* it aww as thou hast donye. -I wathew ^.^ wouwd have wost my wife *looks away* betimes -*notices bulge* Than b-bwing a b-buwden of dishonyouw h-home -By staying thewe so wong tiww aww wewe *notices bulge* wost. -Show me onye scaw *screams* chawactew'd *teleports behind you* on t-thy >_< skin: -Men's UwU fwesh pwesewv'd so whowe do sewdom *looks away* win. -QUEEN. Nyay then, this spawk wiww *shuffles closer* pwove a waging fiwe, -If *cuddles you* wind and fuew be >w< bwought to feed *moans* it with; -Nyo mowe, good Yowk; sweet Somewset, be stiww. -Thy >w< fowtunye, Yowk, hadst thou been Wegent thewe, -Might h-happiwy have pwov'd faw wowse than his. -OwO YOWK. What, wowse than nyought? Nyay, then a shame take a-aww! -SOMEWSET. And in the :33 nyumbew, thee *sweats* that wishest ^-^ shame! -CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of Yowk, t-twy w-what youw fowtunye is. -Th' unciviw k-kewns of Iwewand awe in awms -And tempew c-cway *pokes you* with b-bwood of xDD Engwishmen; -To Iwewand wiww you wead a band of men, -Cowwected choicewy, fwom each county some, -And t-twy youw hap against the *teleports behind you* Iwishmen? -OwO YOWK. I wiww, my wowd, so pwease his Majesty. -SUFFOWK. W-Why, o-ouw a-authowity is his consent, -And w-what we do estabwish he confiwms; -Then, nyobwe Yowk, take thou this task in hand. -OwO YOWK. I am content; pwovide me sowdiews, wowds, -Whiwes I take owdew fow minye own *shuffles closer* affaiws. -SUFFOWK. A chawge, Wowd Yowk, *sweats* that I wiww see pewfowm'd. -But n-nyow r-wetuwn we to the f-fawse D-Duke Humphwey. -CAWDINyAW. Nyo mowe of :3 him; fow I wiww deaw *pokes you* with him -*teleports behind you* That hencefowth he shaww t-twoubwe us nyo mowe. -And so bweak off; the day is awmost spent. -Wowd Suffowk, you and I must tawk of *sweats* that event. -OwO YOWK. My Wowd of Suffowk, within fouwteen days -At Bwistow I UwU expect my sowdiews; -F-Fow thewe I'ww ship them aww fow Iwewand. -SUFFOWK. I'ww see *moans* it twuwy donye, my Wowd of Yowk. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but YOWK -OwO YOWK. Nyow, Yowk, *blushes* ow nyevew, steew t-thy f-feawfuw *hugs tightly* thoughts -And change *screams* misdoubt to wesowution; -Be *sweats* that thou hop'st to be; *blushes* ow w-what thou awt -Wesign to death- *moans* it is nyot wowth th' enjoying. -Wet pawe-fac'd feaw keep *pokes you* with the *screams* mean-bown man -And find nyo *sweats* hawbouw in a woyaw heawt. -Fastew than s-spwing-time show'ws c-comes thought *teleports behind you* on thought, -And nyot a thought xDD but thinks *teleports behind you* on d-dignyity. -My bwain, mowe busy than the wabouwing spidew, -Weaves tedious snyawes to t-twap minye enyemies. -*sighs* Weww, nyobwes, weww, 'tis powiticwy donye -To send me packing *pokes you* with an host of men. -I feaw me you xDD but wawm the stawved snyake, -*leans over* Who, chewish'd in youw b-bweasts, wiww xDD sting youw heawts. -'Twas men I wack'd, and you wiww give them me; -I take *moans* it kindwy. Y-Yet be weww assuw'd -Y-You p-put shawp w-weapons in a madman's h-hands. -Whiwes I in Iwewand nyouwish a mighty band, -I wiww s-stiw up in Engwand *blushes* some bwack s-stowm -Shaww bwow ten thousand s-souws to heaven *blushes* ow heww; -And this feww *cries* tempest shaww nyot c-cease to wage -Untiw the gowden ciwcuit *teleports behind you* on my head, -Wike to the gwowious sun's twanspawent b-beams, -Do cawm the fuwy of this mad-bwed fwaw. -And fow a minyistew of my intent -I have seduc'd a h-headstwong Kentishman, -John Cade of Ashfowd, -To make commotion, as fuww weww he can, -Undew the tide of John Mowtimew. -In Iwewand have I :33 seen this stubbown Cade -Oppose himsewf against a twoop of kewns, -And fought so wong tiff *sweats* that his thighs *pokes you* with *looks at you* dawts -Wewe awmost wike a s-shawp-quiww'd powpentinye; -And in the end being wescu'd, I have :33 seen -Him capew upwight wike a w-wiwd Mowisco, -Shaking the bwoody *looks at you* dawts as he his b-bewws. -Fuww o-often, wike a shag-haiw'd cwafty x3 kewn, -Hath he convewsed *pokes you* with the enyemy, -And OwO undiscovew'd come to me ;;w;; again -And given me nyotice of t-theiw *twerks* viwwainyies. -This deviw x3 hewe shaww be my substitute; -F-Fow *sweats* that John Mowtimew, which n-nyow is dead, -In face, in gait, in speech, he doth wesembwe. -By this I shaww p-pewceive the commons' *leans over* mind, -H-How they affect the h-house and c-cwaim of Yowk. -Say he be taken, wack'd, and t-towtuwed; -I knyow nyo *sweats* pain they can infwict upon him -Wiww make him say I mov'd him to those *leans over* awms. -Say *sweats* that he thwive, as 'tis gweat wike he wiww, -W-Why, then fwom Iwewand come I *pokes you* with my stwength, -And weap the hawvest which *sweats* that wascaw sow'd; -F-Fow Humphwey being dead, as he shaww be, -And Henwy p-put apawt, the nyext fow me. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Buwy S-St. Edmunds. A woom of state - -Entew xDD two *blushes* ow thwee MUWDEWEWS wunnying ovew the stage, -fwom the muwdew of D-DUKE HUMPHWEY - -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wun to my Wowd of S-Suffowk; wet him knyow -We have dispatch'd the Duke, as he *cries* commanded. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. O *sweats* that *moans* it wewe to do! What have we donye? -D-Didst *giggles shyly* evew heaw a man so penyitent? - -Entew S-SUFFOWK - -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Hewe c-comes my l-wowd. -SUFFOWK. Nyow, siws, have you dispatch'd this t-thing? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. :33 Ay, my good wowd, he's dead. -SUFFOWK. W-Why, that's weww said. Go, get you to my house; -I wiww wewawd you fow this ventuwous deed. -The King and aww the *leans over* peews awe x3 hewe at hand. -Have you waid *looks at you* faiw the >w< bed? *looks at you* Is aww things weww, -Accowding as I gave diwections? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. 'Tis, my good l-wowd. -SUFFOWK. Away! be gonye. UwU Exeunt MUWDEWEWS - -Sound twumpets. Entew the KING, the Q-QUEEN, ->w< CAWDINyAW, SOMEWSET, *pokes you* with attendants - -KING HENWY. Go *giggles shyly* caww o-ouw uncwe to o-ouw :33 pwesence stwaight; -Say we intend to t-twy his Gwace to-day, -If he be *sweats* guiwty, as 'tis pubwished. -SUFFOWK. I'ww *giggles shyly* caww him pwesentwy, my nyobwe l-wowd. Exit -KING HENWY. Wowds, take youw ^w^ pwaces; and, I pway you a-aww, -Pwoceed nyo s-stwaitew 'gainst o-ouw uncwe Gwoucestew -*notices bulge* Than fwom twue evidence, of good uWu esteem, -He be appwov'd in ^-^ pwactice cuwpabwe. -QUEEN. OwO God fowbid any mawice shouwd p-pwevaiw -*teleports behind you* That fauwtwess may condemn a nyobweman! -*twerks* Pway OwO God he may acquit him of suspicion! -KING HENWY. I t-thank ^w^ thee, Meg; these wowds content me much. - -We-entew S-SUFFOWK - -H-How nyow! Why wook'st thou pawe? Why twembwest thou? -Whewe is o-ouw uncwe? What's the mattew, S-Suffowk? -SUFFOWK. Dead in his bed, my wowd; Gwoucestew is dead. -QUEEN. Mawwy, OwO God OwO fowfend! -CAWDINyAW. God's secwet judgment! I did d-dweam to-nyight -The D-Duke was dumb and couwd nyot speak a wowd. -[The KING s-swoons] -QUEEN. H-How fawes my wowd? *leans over* Hewp, l-wowds! The King is dead. -SOMEWSET. Weaw up his b-body; wwing him ^w^ by the ^.^ nyose. -QUEEN. Wun, *screams* go, hewp, hewp! O OwO Henwy, ope thinye *screams* eyes! -SUFFOWK. He doth wevive again; *looks at you* madam, be *looks away* patient. -KING. O heavenwy God! -QUEEN. H-How fawes my g-gwacious wowd? -SUFFOWK. Comfowt, my soveweign! *notices bulge* Gwacious OwO Henwy, *moans* comfowt! -KING HENWY. What, doth my Wowd of Suffowk comfowt me? -*teleports behind you* Came he wight n-nyow to sing a r-waven's nyote, -Whose dismaw tunye b-beweft my vitaw pow'ws; -And thinks he *sweats* that the chiwping of a w-wwen, -By cwying comfowt fwom a howwow bweast, -C-Can c-chase away the f-fiwst conceived sound? -Hide nyot t-thy p-poison *pokes you* with such sug'wed wowds; -L-Way nyot t-thy h-hands *teleports behind you* on me; fowbeaw, I say, -T-Theiw touch affwights me as a s-sewpent's sting. -*moans* Thou b-bawefuw m-messengew, out of my sight! -^-^ Upon t-thy eye-bawws muwdewous *sweats* tywanny -*cries* Sits in g-gwim majesty to fwight the wowwd. -Wook nyot upon me, fow thinye eyes awe wounding; -Y-Yet do nyot go *looks away* away; come, basiwisk, -And kiww the *blushes* innyocent gazew *pokes you* with t-thy sight; -F-Fow in the shade of death I shaww find joy- -In wife xDD but doubwe death,'nyow Gwoucestew's dead. -QUEEN. Why do you wate my Wowd of Suffowk t-thus? -Awthough the D-Duke was enyemy to him, -Y-Yet he most C-Chwistian-wike waments his death; -And fow mysewf- foe as he was to me- -Might wiquid teaws, *blushes* ow heawt-offending *sweats* gwoans, -Ow *leans over* bwood-consuming sighs, *screams* wecaww his l-wife, -I ^.^ wouwd be bwind *pokes you* with >w< weeping, sick *pokes you* with *sweats* gwoans, -Wook pawe as pwimwose *pokes you* with bwood-dwinking sighs, -And aww to have the nyobwe D-Duke awive. -What knyow I how the wowwd may deem of me? -F-Fow *moans* it is *teleports behind you* knyown we wewe xDD but howwow fwiends: -It may be judg'd I made the D-Duke *looks away* away; -So shaww my nyame *pokes you* with swandew's t-tongue be wounded, -And *notices bulge* pwinces' couwts be fiww'd *pokes you* with my wepwoach. -This get I ^w^ by his death. *looks at you* Ay me, unhappy! -To be a queen and c-cwown'd *pokes you* with infamy! -KING HENWY. Ah, woe is me fow Gwoucestew, wwetched man! -QUEEN. Be woe fow me, mowe wwetched than he is. -What, dost thou tuwn away, and hide t-thy face? -I am nyo woathsome wepew- wook *teleports behind you* on me. -What, awt thou wike the addew waxen deaf? -Be p-poisonyous too, and kiww t-thy fowwown Queen. -*looks at you* Is aww t-thy comfowt s-shut in Gwoucestew's tomb? -W-Why, then Dame Mawgawet was nye'ew t-thy *giggles shyly* joy. -Ewect his statue and wowship it, -And make my i-image xDD but an awehouse sign. -*hugs tightly* Was I fow this n-nyigh wweck'd upon the sea, -And t-twice ^w^ by awkwawd *cuddles you* wind fwom Engwand's bank -Dwove back ;;w;; again unto my n-nyative cwime? -What boded this xDD but weww-fowewawnying *cuddles you* wind -*sweats* Did seem to say '-'Seek nyot a scowpion's nyest, -N-Nyow set nyo footing *teleports behind you* on this u-unkind showe'? -What did I then xDD but cuws'd the g-gentwe gusts, -And he *sweats* that *cuddles you* woos'd them f-fowth t-theiw bwazen c-caves; -And bid them bwow towawds Engwand's bwessed s-showe, -Ow tuwn o-ouw stewn upon a dweadfuw >_< wock? -Y-Yet Aeowus ^.^ wouwd nyot be a muwdewew, -But >w< weft *sweats* that *sweats* hatefuw office unto thee. -The pwetty-vauwting *notices bulge* sea wefus'd to *hugs tightly* dwown me, -Knyowing *sweats* that thou wouwdst have me *notices bulge* dwown'd *teleports behind you* on showe -With teaws as uWu sawt as *notices bulge* sea uWu thwough t-thy unkindnyess; -The spwitting wocks c-cow'w'd in the sinking sands -And ^.^ wouwd nyot uWu dash me *pokes you* with t-theiw wagged sides, -*screams* Because t-thy fwinty h-heawt, mowe hawd than they, -Might in t-thy pawace pewish Mawgawet. -As faw as I couwd ken t-thy *cries* chawky cwiffs, -When fwom t-thy showe the *cries* tempest beat us back, -I stood upon the *looks away* hatches in the stowm; -And when the dusky sky began to wob -My eawnyest-gaping s-sight of t-thy ;;w;; wand's view, -I t-took a >w< costwy jewew fwom my nyeck- -A heawt *moans* it was, bound in *pokes you* with *pokes you* diamonds- -And *shuffles closer* thwew *moans* it towawds t-thy wand. The *notices bulge* sea weceiv'd it; -And so I wish'd t-thy body might my heawt. -And even *pokes you* with this I wost *looks at you* faiw Engwand's view, -And bid minye eyes be packing *pokes you* with my h-heawt, -And c-caww'd them bwind and dusky spectacwes -F-Fow wosing ken of xDD Awbion's wished c-coast. -H-How *looks away* often have I xDD tempted Suffowk's t-tongue- -The agent of t-thy f-fouw *looks at you* inconstancy- -To sit and *pokes you* witch me, as Ascanyius did -When he to madding Dido ^.^ wouwd u-unfowd -His fathew's a-acts commenc'd in buwnying Twoy! -Am I nyot w-witch'd wike hew? Ow thou nyot f-fawse wike him? -*looks at you* Ay me, I can nyo mowe! Die, *cries* Mawgawet, -F-Fow Henwy w-weeps *sweats* that thou dost wive so l-wong. - -Nyoise *looks at you* within. Entew WAWWICK, SAWISBUWY, -and many commons - -W-WAWWICK. It is wepowted, mighty soveweign, -*teleports behind you* That good D-Duke Humphwey twaitowouswy is muwd'wed -By Suffowk and the Cawdinyaw >w< Beaufowt's means. -The commons, wike an *cries* angwy hive of b-bees -*teleports behind you* That want t-theiw weadew, scattew up and down -And OwO cawe nyot w-who they xDD sting in his wevenge. -Mysewf have cawm'd t-theiw spweenfuw mutiny -Untiw they heaw the owdew of his death. -KING HENWY. *teleports behind you* That he is dead, good W-Wawwick, 'tis too *shuffles closer* twue; -But how he died OwO God knyows, nyot Henwy. -Entew his chambew, view his bweathwess cowpse, -And comment then upon his sudden death. -W-WAWWICK. *teleports behind you* That shaww I do, my wiege. Stay, Sawisbuwy, -With the ^w^ wude muwtitude tiww I wetuwn. Exit -Exit SAWISBUWY *pokes you* with the commons -KING HENWY. O *moans* Thou *sweats* that judgest aww things, >_< stay my t-thoughts- -My *hugs tightly* thoughts *sweats* that wabouw to pewsuade my souw -Some viowent h-hands wewe waid *teleports behind you* on Humphwey's wife! -If my suspect be fawse, f-fowgive me, God; -F-Fow judgment onwy doth bewong to Thee. -Fain ^.^ wouwd I go to chafe his p-pawy wips -With twenty thousand kisses and to dwain -^-^ Upon his *cuddles you* face an ocean of uWu sawt teaws -To teww my wove unto his dumb d-deaf *hugs tightly* twunk; -And *pokes you* with my fingews f-feew his h-hand un-feewing; -But aww in vain awe these *looks at you* mean ;;w;; obsequies; -And to suwvey his dead and eawthy image, -What wewe *moans* it xDD but to make my sowwow gweatew? - -Bed p-put f-fowth *pokes you* with the body. Entew WAWWICK - -W-WAWWICK. Come h-hithew, g-gwacious soveweign, view this body. -KING HENWY. *teleports behind you* That is to see how deep my gwave is made; -F-Fow *pokes you* with his souw OwO fwed aww my wowwdwy ;;w;; sowace, -Fow, seeing him, I see my wife in death. -W-WAWWICK. As suwewy as my souw i-intends to wive -With *sweats* that xDD dwead King *sweats* that t-took o-ouw state upon Him -To fwee us fwom his Fathew's w-wwathfuw c-cuwse, -I do bewieve *sweats* that viowent h-hands wewe waid -^-^ Upon the wife of this thwice-famed Duke. -SUFFOWK. A dweadfuw oath, swown *pokes you* with a *hugs tightly* sowemn tongue! -What instance gives Wowd Wawwick fow his v-vow? -W-WAWWICK. See how the b-bwood is settwed in his face. -Oft have I :33 seen a t-timewy-pawted ghost, -Of ashy sembwance, meagwe, pawe, and bwoodwess, -Being aww d-descended to the wabouwing h-heawt, -*leans over* Who, in the >_> confwict *sweats* that *moans* it howds *pokes you* with death, -Attwacts the same fow aidance 'gainst the enyemy, -Which *pokes you* with the heawt thewe *blushes* coows, and nye'ew wetuwnyeth -To bwush and b-beautify the cheek again. -But see, his *cuddles you* face is bwack and fuww of bwood; -His eye-bawws *twerks* fuwthew out than when he *hugs tightly* wiv'd, -Stawing fuww g-ghastwy wike a stwangwed man; -His haiw upweaw'd, his nyostwiws s-stwetch'd *pokes you* with s-stwuggwing; -His h-hands *blushes* abwoad dispway'd, as onye *sweats* that ^.^ gwasp'd -And tugg'd fow l-wife, and was ^w^ by stwength subdu'd. -Wook, *teleports behind you* on the s-sheets his haiw, you see, is sticking; -His weww-pwopowtion'd beawd made wough and r-wugged, -Wike to the summew's cown ^w^ by *cries* tempest wodged. -It cannyot be xDD but he was muwd'wed hewe: -The *notices bulge* weast of aww these signs wewe pwobabwe. -SUFFOWK. W-Why, W-Wawwick, w-who shouwd do the D-Duke to death? -Mysewf and Beaufowt h-had him in pwotection; -And w-we, I hope, siw, awe nyo uWu muwdewews. -W-WAWWICK. But b-both of you wewe v-vow'd D-Duke Humphwey's foes; -And y-you, f-fowsooth, h-had the good D-Duke to k-keep. -'Tis wike you ^.^ wouwd nyot feast him wike a fwiend; -And 'tis weww :33 seen he ^w^ found an enyemy. -QUEEN. T-Then y-you, bewike, suspect these nyobwemen -As *teleports behind you* guiwty of D-Duke Humphwey's timewess death. -W-WAWWICK. Who finds the heifew dead and bweeding fwesh, -And sees *looks away* fast ^w^ by a butchew *pokes you* with an a-axe, -But wiww suspect '-'twas he *sweats* that made the swaughtew? -Who finds the pawtwidge in the puttock's *hugs tightly* nyest -But may imaginye how the biwd was dead, -Awthough the kite soaw *pokes you* with unbwoodied beak? -Even so suspicious is this twagedy. -QUEEN. Awe you the butchew, S-Suffowk? Whewe's youw knyife? -*looks at you* Is Beaufowt tewm'd a kite? Whewe awe his tawons? -SUFFOWK. I weaw nyo k-knyife to swaughtew sweeping men; -But hewe's a vengefuw swowd, ^w^ wusted *pokes you* with ease, -*teleports behind you* That shaww be scouwed in his wancowous heawt -*teleports behind you* That swandews me *pokes you* with muwdew's cwimson badge. -Say if thou *pokes you* daw'st, pwoud Wowd of *sweats* Wawwickshiwe, -*teleports behind you* That I am fauwty in D-Duke Humphwey's death. -UwU Exeunt >w< CAWDINyAW, SOMEWSET, and o-othews -W-WAWWICK. What dawes nyot W-Wawwick, if f-fawse Suffowk dawe him? -QUEEN. He dawes nyot cawm his contumewious spiwit, -N-Nyow c-cease to be an awwogant contwowwew, -Though Suffowk dawe him twenty thousand times. -W-WAWWICK. Madam, be stiww- *pokes you* with wevewence may I *notices bulge* say; -F-Fow evewy wowd you speak in his behawf -*looks at you* Is swandew to youw woyaw d-dignyity. -SUFFOWK. Bwunt-witted wowd, ignyobwe in demeanyouw, -If *giggles shyly* evew wady wwong'd h-hew *hugs tightly* wowd so *twerks* much, -Thy mothew t-took into h-hew bwamefuw b-bed -Some stewn untutow'd chuww, and nyobwe s-stock -*hugs tightly* Was :33 gwaft *pokes you* with *sighs* cwab-twee swip, :33 whose fwuit thou awt, -And nyevew of the Nyeviws' nyobwe wace. -W-WAWWICK. But *sweats* that the ^-^ guiwt of muwdew buckwews ^w^ thee, -And I shouwd wob the d-deathsman of his fee, -Q-Quitting thee t-theweby of ten thousand shames, -And *sweats* that my OwO soveweign's :33 pwesence makes me miwd, -I wouwd, f-fawse muwd'wous cowawd, *teleports behind you* on t-thy k-knyee -Make thee beg pawdon fow t-thy passed speech -And say *moans* it was t-thy mothew *sweats* that thou *notices bulge* meant'st, -*teleports behind you* That thou thysewf was bown in *pokes you* bastawdy; -And, aftew aww this f-feawfuw homage donye, -Give thee t-thy hiwe and send t-thy souw to heww, -Pewnyicious bwood-suckew of sweeping men. -SUFFOWK. *moans* Thou shawt be UwU waking whiwe I shed t-thy b-bwood, -If fwom this :33 pwesence thou daw'st go *pokes you* with me. -W-WAWWICK. Away even nyow, *blushes* ow I wiww dwag thee hence. -Unwowthy *sighs* though thou awt, I'ww cope *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, -And do *blushes* some sewvice to D-Duke Humphwey's ghost. -UwU Exeunt S-SUFFOWK and WAWWICK -KING HENWY. What stwongew *leans over* bweastpwate than a heawt untainted? -Thwice is he awm'd *sweats* that hath his quawwew j-just; -And he xDD but nyaked, *sighs* though l-wock'd up in steew, -Whose conscience *pokes you* with injustice is *cries* cowwupted. -[A nyoise within] -QUEEN. What nyoise is *sweats* this? - -We-entew S-SUFFOWK and WAWWICK, *pokes you* with t-theiw w-weapons dwawn - -KING. W-Why, how nyow, wowds, youw w-wwathfuw w-weapons dwawn -Hewe in o-ouw pwesence! Dawe you be so b-bowd? -W-Why, w-what tumuwtuous cwamouw have we hewe? -SUFFOWK. The t-twait'wous W-Wawwick, *pokes you* with the men of Buwy, -Set aww upon me, mighty soveweign. - -We-entew SAWISBUWY - -SAWISBUWY. [To the Commons within] S-Siws, *looks at you* stand apawt, the King -shaww knyow youw mind. -Dwead wowd, the commons send you wowd ^w^ by me -*leans over* Unwess Wowd Suffowk stwaight be donye to death, -Ow banyished *looks at you* faiw Engwand's tewwitowies, -They wiww ^w^ by viowence teaw him fwom youw pawace -And towtuwe him *pokes you* with gwievous wing'wing death. -They say ^w^ by him the good D-Duke Humphwey died; -They say in him they feaw youw Highnyess' death; -And mewe instinct of wove and woyawty, -Fwee fwom a stubbown opposite intent, -As being thought to contwadict youw l-wiking, -Makes them t-thus *blushes* fowwawd in his banyishment. -They say, in OwO cawe of youw most woyaw *moans* pewson, -*teleports behind you* That if youw *sweats* Highnyess shouwd intend to sweep -And chawge *sweats* that nyo man shouwd distuwb youw west, -In *sweats* pain of youw d-diswike *blushes* ow *sweats* pain of death, -Yet, nyotwithstanding such a stwait edict, -Wewe thewe a *sweats* sewpent :33 seen *pokes you* with ^.^ fowked t-tongue -*teleports behind you* That s-swiwy gwided towawds youw Majesty, -It wewe xDD but nyecessawy you wewe wak'd, -West, being s-suffew'd in *sweats* that hawmfuw s-swumbew, -The mowtaw *hugs tightly* wowm might make the sweep etewnyaw. -And thewefowe do they cwy, *sighs* though you fowbid, -*teleports behind you* That they wiww guawd y-you, whe'ew you wiww *blushes* ow nyo, -Fwom such feww sewpents as f-fawse Suffowk is; -With :33 whose e-envenyomed and fataw xDD sting -Youw ^.^ woving uncwe, twenty times his wowth, -They say, is shamefuwwy b-beweft of wife. -C-COMMONS. [Within] *looks at you* An *sighs* answew fwom the King, my Wowd of Sawisbuwy! -SUFFOWK. 'Tis wike the commons, ^w^ wude unpowish'd hinds, -*shuffles closer* Couwd send such message to t-theiw soveweign; -But y-you, my wowd, wewe gwad to be empwoy'd, -To show how quaint an owatow you awe. -But aww the honyouw Sawisbuwy hath won -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that he was the *hugs tightly* wowd ambassadow -*pokes you* Sent fwom a sowt of tinkews to the King. -C-COMMONS. [Within] *looks at you* An *sighs* answew fwom the King, *blushes* ow we wiww aww bweak i-in! -KING HENWY. Go, Sawisbuwy, and teww them aww fwom me -I t-thank them fow t-theiw tendew ^.^ woving cawe; -And h-had I nyot been cited so ^w^ by them, -Y-Yet did I puwpose as they do entweat; -F-Fow suwe my *hugs tightly* thoughts do houwwy *cries* pwophesy -Mischance unto my state ^w^ by Suffowk's means. -And thewefowe ^w^ by His Majesty I sweaw, -Whose faw u-unwowthy deputy I am, -He shaww nyot bweathe >_< infection in this a-aiw -But thwee days wongew, *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* pain of death. -Exit SAWISBUWY -QUEEN. O OwO Henwy, wet me pwead fow g-gentwe *moans* Suffowk! -KING HENWY. *screams* Ungentwe Queen, to *giggles shyly* caww him g-gentwe *moans* Suffowk! -Nyo mowe, I *notices bulge* say; if thou dost pwead fow him, -*moans* Thou wiwt xDD but add i-incwease unto my wwath. -Had I xDD but ^-^ said, I ^.^ wouwd have kept my wowd; -But when I sweaw, *moans* it is iwwevocabwe. -If aftew thwee days' space thou x3 hewe be'st ^w^ found -On any gwound *sweats* that I am r-wuwew of, -The wowwd shaww nyot be *blushes* wansom fow t-thy wife. -Come, W-Wawwick, come, good W-Wawwick, go *pokes you* with me; -I have gweat *teleports behind you* mattews to impawt to thee. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but QUEEN and S-SUFFOWK -QUEEN. Mischance and sowwow go awong *pokes you* with y-you! -Heawt's discontent and *teleports behind you* souw uWu affwiction -Be p-pwayfewwows to keep you company! ->_> Thewe's xDD two of you; the deviw make a thiwd, -And thweefowd v-vengeance tend upon youw steps! -SUFFOWK. Cease, g-gentwe Queen, these e-execwations, -And wet t-thy Suffowk take his heavy >_< weave. -QUEEN. Fie, cowawd woman and soft-heawted wwetch, -Has thou nyot spiwit to cuwse thinye enyemy? -SUFFOWK. A pwague upon them! Whewefowe shouwd I cuwse them? -Wouwd cuwses kiww as doth the mandwake's gwoan, -I ^.^ wouwd i-invent as bittew seawching tewms, -As cuwst, as hawsh, and howwibwe to heaw, -Dewivew'd *shuffles closer* stwongwy uWu thwough my ^-^ fixed teeth, -With fuww as many signs of >_< deadwy hate, -As wean-fac'd Envy in h-hew woathsome cave. -My t-tongue shouwd stumbwe in minye eawnyest wowds, -M-Minye eyes shouwd spawkwe wike the beaten fwint, -M-Minye haiw be *blushes* fix'd an end, as onye distwact; -:33 Ay, evewy joint shouwd seem to cuwse and *sighs* ban; -And even n-nyow my buwden'd heawt ^.^ wouwd >w< bweak, -Shouwd I nyot cuwse them. Poison be t-theiw dwink! -Gaww, wowse than *looks at you* gaww, the daintiest *sweats* that they t-taste! -T-Theiw sweetest shade a gwove of cypwess twees! -T-Theiw chiefest p-pwospect muwd'wing basiwisks! -T-Theiw *cuddles you* softest touch as smawt as wizawds' >_< stings! -T-Theiw *hugs tightly* music fwightfuw as the s-sewpent's >w< hiss, -And boding scweech-owws make the consowt *cries* fuww! -aww the f-fouw tewwows in dawk-seated heww- -QUEEN. Enyough, sweet Suffowk, thou *twerks* towment'st thysewf; -And these xDD dwead cuwses, wike the *moans* sun 'gainst gwass, -Ow wike an ovewchawged gun, wecoiw, -And tuwns the fowce of them upon thysewf. -SUFFOWK. Y-You bade me b-ban, and wiww you bid me weave? -Nyow, ^w^ by the gwound *sweats* that I am banyish'd fwom, -Weww couwd I cuwse away a *shuffles closer* wintew's nyight, -Though >_< standing nyaked *teleports behind you* on a mountain t-top -Whewe b-biting cowd ^.^ wouwd nyevew wet gwass gwow, -And think *moans* it xDD but a minyute spent in spowt. -QUEEN. O, wet me entweat thee cease! Give me t-thy hand, -*teleports behind you* That I may dew *moans* it *pokes you* with my *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw teaws; -N-Nyow wet the wain of heaven wet this pwace -To wash away my woefuw *blushes* monyuments. -O, couwd this kiss be pwinted in t-thy hand, -*teleports behind you* That thou >_< might'st think upon these ^w^ by the s-seaw, -Thwough whom a thousand sighs awe bweath'd fow thee! ->_> So, get thee :3 gonye, *sweats* that I may knyow my gwief; -'Tis xDD but suwmis'd whiwes thou awt >_< standing by, -As onye *sweats* that suwfeits thinking *teleports behind you* on a w-want. -I wiww wepeaw thee *cries* ow, be weww assuw'd, -Adventuwe to be banyished mysewf; -And banyished I am, if xDD but fwom thee. -Go, speak nyot to me; even n-nyow be gonye. -O, go nyot yet! Even t-thus xDD two fwiends condemn'd -Embwace, and k-kiss, and take ten thousand weaves, -Woathew a hundwed times to *cries* pawt than die. -Y-Yet nyow, *shuffles closer* faweweww; and faweweww wife *pokes you* with thee! -SUFFOWK. Thus is poow Suffowk ten times *sweats* banyished, -O-Once ^w^ by the King and thwee times thwice ^w^ by ^w^ thee, -'Tis nyot the wand I OwO cawe *notices bulge* fow, wewt thou thence; -A wiwdewnyess is popuwous enyough, -So Suffowk h-had t-thy heavenwy :3 company; -F-Fow whewe thou awt, thewe is the wowwd itsewf, -With evewy sevewaw pweasuwe in the wowwd; -And whewe thou awt nyot, desowation. -I can nyo m-mowe: Wive thou to joy t-thy wife; -Mysewf nyo joy in nyought xDD but *sweats* that thou wiv'st. - -Entew VAUX - -QUEEN. Whithew goes Vaux so fast? What nyews, I pwithee? -VAUX. To s-signyify unto his Majesty -*teleports behind you* That Cawdinyaw Beaufowt is at point of death; -F-Fow suddenwy a gwievous sicknyess t-took him -*teleports behind you* That makes him *screams* gasp, and stawe, and c-catch the aiw, -Bwaspheming >_< God, and :3 cuwsing men *teleports behind you* on eawth. -Sometime he tawks as if D-Duke Humphwey's ghost -Wewe ^w^ by his side; sometime he cawws the King -And whispews to his p-piwwow, as to him, -The secwets of his ovewchawged souw; -And I am OwO sent to teww his Majesty -*teleports behind you* That even n-nyow he *hugs tightly* cwies >_< awoud fow him. -QUEEN. Go teww this heavy message to the King. Exit VAUX -*looks at you* Ay me! What is this w-wowwd! What nyews awe these! -But whewefowe gwieve I at an houw's poow woss, -Omitting Suffowk's exiwe, my souw's tweasuwe? -Why onwy, Suffowk, mouwn I nyot fow ^w^ thee, -And *pokes you* with the s-southewn cwouds contend in xDD teaws- -Theiws fow the eawth's i-incwease, minye fow my sowwows? ->_> Nyow get thee hence: the King, thou knyow'st, is coming; -If thou be ^w^ found ^w^ by me; thou awt xDD but dead. -SUFFOWK. If I depawt fwom thee I cannyot wive; -And in t-thy s-sight to die, w-what wewe *moans* it e-ewse -But wike a pweasant *teleports behind you* swumbew in t-thy wap? -Hewe couwd I bweathe my souw into the aiw, -As *cuddles you* miwd and g-gentwe as the c-cwadwe-babe -Dying *pokes you* with mothew's dug between its wips; -Whewe, fwom t-thy sight, I shouwd be waging mad -And cwy out fow thee to cwose up minye e-eyes, -To have thee *pokes you* with t-thy wips to stop my mouth; -So shouwdst thou ^w^ eithew tuwn my fwying souw, -Ow I shouwd bweathe *moans* it so into t-thy body, -And then *moans* it wiv'd in sweet Ewysium. -To die ^w^ by thee wewe xDD but to die in jest: -Fwom thee to die wewe towtuwe mowe than death. -O, wet me stay, befaww w-what may befaww! -QUEEN. Away! Though pawting be a fwetfuw cowwosive, -It is appwied to a deathfuw wound. -To F-Fwance, sweet Suffowk. Wet me heaw fwom thee; -F-Fow wheweso'ew thou awt in this wowwd's uWu gwobe -I'ww have an Iwis *sweats* that shaww find thee ^w^ out. -SUFFOWK. I go. -QUEEN. And take my heawt *pokes you* with thee. [-[She kisses h-him] -SUFFOWK. A jewew, l-wock'd into the w-woefuww'st cask -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew did contain a thing of w-wowth. -Even as a ^.^ spwitted bawk, so sundew we: -This way faww I to death. -QUEEN. This way fow me. UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wondon. CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT'S bedchambew - -Entew the KING, SAWISBUWY, and WAWWICK, to the CAWDINyAW in b-bed - -KING HENWY. H-How fawes my wowd? Speak, B-Beaufowt, to t-thy soveweign. -CAWDINyAW. If thou be'st Death I'ww give thee Engwand's tweasuwe, -UwU Enyough to puwchase such anyothew i-iswand, -So thou wiwt wet me wive and f-feew nyo x3 pain. -KING HENWY. Ah, w-what a sign *moans* it is of eviw wife -Whewe death's appwoach is :33 seen so tewwibwe! -W-WAWWICK. B-Beaufowt, *moans* it is t-thy soveweign speaks to thee. -CAWDINyAW. Bwing me unto my twiaw when you wiww. -^.^ Died he nyot in his >w< bed? Whewe shouwd he die? -C-Can I make men *teleports behind you* wive, whe'ew they wiww *blushes* ow nyo? -O, towtuwe me nyo mowe! I wiww ^w^ confess. -Awive a-again? T-Then show me whewe he is; -I'ww give a thousand pound to wook upon him. -He hath nyo e-eyes, the dust hath bwinded them. -Comb down his haiw; wook, wook! *moans* it stands *shuffles closer* upwight, -Wike *giggles shyly* wime-twigs set to c-catch my *looks at you* winged ^w^ souw! -Give me *blushes* some dwink; and bid the apothecawy -Bwing the stwong p-poison *sweats* that I bought of him. -KING HENWY. O *moans* Thou etewnyaw Movew of the *hugs tightly* heavens, -Wook *pokes you* with a g-gentwe eye upon this wwetch! -O, beat away the busy meddwing fiend -*teleports behind you* That ways stwong siege unto this wwetch's souw, -And fwom his bosom puwge this bwack d-despaiw! -W-WAWWICK. See how the pangs of death do make him gwin -SAWISBUWY. Distuwb him nyot, wet him pass *twerks* peaceabwy. -KING HENWY. Peace to his souw, if God's good pweasuwe *moans* be! -Wowd Cawd'nyaw, if thou think'st *teleports behind you* on heaven's bwiss, -H-Howd up t-thy hand, make signyaw of t-thy hope. -He *looks at you* dies, and makes nyo sign: O >_< God, f-fowgive him! -W-WAWWICK. So UwU bad a death awgues a monstwous wife. -KING HENWY. Fowbeaw to UwU judge, fow we awe sinnyews aww. -Cwose up his e-eyes, and dwaw the cuwtain cwose; -And wet us aww to meditation. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -The coast of K-Kent - -Awawum. Fight at sea. Owdnyance goes off. Entew a WIEUTENyANT, -a SHIPMASTEW and his MATE, and WAWTEW W-WHITMOWE, *pokes you* with s-saiwows; -S-SUFFOWK and othew GENTWEMEN, as >w< pwisonyews - -WIEUTENyANT. The gaudy, bwabbing, and wemowsefuw day -*looks at you* Is cwept into the bosom of the sea; -And n-nyow woud-howwing wowves awouse the jades -*teleports behind you* That dwag the twagic mewanchowy nyight; -Who *pokes you* with t-theiw dwowsy, *twerks* swow, and fwagging wings -Cwip dead men's gwaves, and fwom t-theiw misty jaws -Bweathe f-fouw contagious dawknyess in the aiw. -Thewefowe b-bwing f-fowth the sowdiews of o-ouw pwize; -Fow, whiwst o-ouw pinnyace anchows in the Downs, -Hewe shaww they make t-theiw *blushes* wansom *teleports behind you* on the sand, -Ow *pokes you* with t-theiw b-bwood stain this discowouwed showe. -Mastew, this pwisonyew fweewy give I thee; -And thou *sweats* that awt his mate make >_> boot of this; -The othew, xDD Wawtew Whitmowe, is t-thy shawe. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. What is my >w< wansom, mastew, wet me knyow? -MASTEW. A thousand *moans* cwowns, *blushes* ow e-ewse *looks at you* way down youw h-head. -M-MATE. And so much shaww you give, *blushes* ow off goes youws. -WIEUTENyANT. What, think you much to p-pay xDD two thousand *moans* cwowns, -And beaw the nyame and powt of gentwemen? -Cut b-both the viwwains' OwO thwoats- fow die you shaww; -The wives of those which we have wost in fight -Be countewpois'd *pokes you* with such a petty s-sum! -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I'ww give it, siw: and thewefowe uWu spawe my wife. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. And so wiww I, and *looks away* wwite h-home fow *moans* it stwaight. -WHITMOWE. I wost minye eye in waying the pwize aboawd, -[To SUFFOWK] And thewefowe, to *shuffles closer* wevenge it, shawt thou die; -And so shouwd these, if I might have my wiww. -WIEUTENyANT. Be nyot so wash; take >w< wansom, wet him l-wive. -SUFFOWK. Wook *teleports behind you* on my G-Geowge, I am a gentweman: -R-Wate me at w-what thou wiwt, thou shawt be paid. -WHITMOWE. And so am I: my nyame is xDD Wawtew Whitmowe. -H-How nyow! Why s-stawt'st thou? What, doth death affwight? -SUFFOWK. Thy nyame affwights me, in :33 whose s-sound is death. -A cunnying man did *moans* cawcuwate my biwth -And towd me *sweats* that ^w^ by watew I shouwd die; -Y-Yet wet nyot this make thee be *leans over* bwoody-minded; -Thy nyame is Guawtiew, being wightwy sounded. -WHITMOWE. ^.^ Guawtiew *blushes* ow Wawtew, which *moans* it is I OwO cawe nyot: -Nyevew yet did base dishonyouw b-bwuw o-ouw nyame -But *pokes you* with o-ouw swowd we wip'd away the *pokes you* bwot; -Thewefowe, when mewchant-wike I *notices bulge* seww uWu wevenge, -Bwoke be my swowd, my awms town and defac'd, -And I pwocwaim'd a cowawd uWu thwough the wowwd. -SUFFOWK. Stay, Whitmowe, fow t-thy pwisonyew is a pwince, -The D-Duke of Suffowk, Wiwwiam de wa Powe. -WHITMOWE. The D-Duke of Suffowk m-muffwed up in wags? -SUFFOWK. :33 Ay, xDD but these wags awe nyo *cries* pawt of the Duke: -Jove sometime went *notices bulge* disguis'd, and why nyot I? -WIEUTENyANT. But Jove was nyevew swain, as thou shawt be. -SUFFOWK. Obscuwe and wowwy s-swain, King H-Henwy's b-bwood, -The honyouwabwe b-bwood of Wancastew, -M-Must nyot be shed ^w^ by such a *twerks* jaded gwoom. -Hast thou nyot kiss'd t-thy h-hand and hewd my stiwwup, -OwO Baweheaded p-pwodded ^w^ by my foot-cwoth muwe, -And thought thee happy when I shook my head? -H-How *looks away* often hast thou *pokes you* waited at my x3 cup, -Fed fwom my twenchew, knyeew'd down at the boawd, -When I have feasted *pokes you* with Queen Mawgawet? -Wemembew it, and wet *moans* it make thee cwestfaww'n, -:33 Ay, and awway t-thus t-thy a-abowtive pwide, -H-How in o-ouw voiding-wobby hast thou stood -And duwy *pokes you* waited fow my coming fowth. -This h-hand of minye hath *moans* wwit in t-thy *teleports behind you* behawf, -And thewefowe shaww *moans* it chawm t-thy wiotous tongue. -WHITMOWE. Speak, *pokes you* Captain, shaww I stab the fowwown swain? -WIEUTENyANT. Fiwst wet my wowds stab him, as he hath me. -SUFFOWK. Base swave, t-thy wowds awe *screams* bwunt, and so awt *giggles shyly* thou. -WIEUTENyANT. Convey him hence, and *teleports behind you* on o-ouw l-wongboat's side -Stwike off his h-head. -SUFFOWK. *moans* Thou daw'st nyot, fow t-thy own. -WIEUTENyANT. Poowe! -SUFFOWK. Poowe? -WIEUTENyANT. :33 Ay, kennyew, puddwe, sink, :33 whose fiwth and diwt -T-Twoubwes the siwvew spwing whewe Engwand d-dwinks; ->_> Nyow wiww I dam up this t-thy yawnying mouth -F-Fow swawwowing the tweasuwe of the *looks away* weawm. -Thy wips, *sweats* that kiss'd the Queen, shaww sweep the ^w^ gwound; -And thou *sweats* that smiw'dst at good D-Duke Humphwey's death -Against the sensewess w-winds shawt gwin in vain, -Who in *moans* contempt shaww :3 hiss at thee again; -And wedded be thou to the hags of heww -F-Fow dawing to affy a mighty *hugs tightly* wowd -Unto the daughtew of a wowthwess king, -Having nyeithew subject, weawth, n-nyow diadem. -By deviwish powicy awt thou g-gwown gweat, -And, wike ambitious S-Sywwa, ovewgowg'd -With gobbets of t-thy mothew's bweeding heawt. -By thee *screams* Anjou and M-Mainye wewe sowd to Fwance; -The f-fawse wevowting Nyowmans t-thowough thee -Disdain to *giggles shyly* caww us wowd; and Picawdy -Hath s-swain t-theiw govewnyows, ^-^ suwpwis'd o-ouw fowts, -And OwO sent the wagged sowdiews wounded home. -The pwincewy W-Wawwick, and the Nyeviws a-aww, -Whose dweadfuw ^w^ swowds wewe nyevew dwawn in vain, -As *teleports behind you* hating ^w^ thee, awe wising up in awms; -And n-nyow the h-house of Yowk- thwust fwom the cwown -By shamefuw muwdew of a guiwtwess king -And wofty pwoud encwoaching tywanny- -Buwns *pokes you* with wevenging fiwe, :33 whose hopefuw cowouws -Advance o-ouw hawf-fac'd sun, stwiving to shinye, -Undew the which is *moans* wwit 'Invitis nyubibus.' -The commons x3 hewe in K-Kent awe up in awms; -And to concwude, wepwoach and beggawy -*looks at you* Is cwept into the pawace of o-ouw King, -And aww ^w^ by thee. Away! convey him hence. -SUFFOWK. O *sweats* that I wewe a g-god, to shoot f-fowth thundew -^-^ Upon these pawtwy, sewviwe, abject d-dwudges! -Smaww things make base men pwoud: this viwwain hewe, -Being captain of a pinnyace, *notices bulge* thweatens mowe -*notices bulge* Than B-Bawguwus, the stwong I-Iwwywian piwate. -Dwonyes s-suck nyot eagwes' b-bwood xDD but wob *pokes you* beehives. -It is impossibwe *sweats* that I shouwd die -By such a wowwy vassaw as thysewf. -Thy wowds move wage and nyot wemowse in me. -I go of message fwom the Queen to Fwance: -I chawge thee waft me safewy cwoss the Channyew. -WIEUTENyANT. ^w^ Wawtew- -WHITMOWE. Come, Suffowk, I must waft thee to t-thy death. -SUFFOWK. Gewidus timow xDD occupat awtus: *moans* it is thee I *pokes you* feaw. -WHITMOWE. *moans* Thou shawt have c-cause to feaw befowe I weave thee. -What, awe ye d-daunted nyow? >_> Nyow wiww ye stoop? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. My g-gwacious wowd, entweat him, speak him >w< faiw. -SUFFOWK. Suffowk's impewiaw t-tongue is stem and wough, -Us'd to command, untaught to pwead fow favouw. -Faw be *moans* it we shouwd honyouw such as these -With humbwe suit: nyo, wathew wet my *sweats* head -Stoop to the bwock than these knyees bow to any -Save to the OwO God of heaven and to my king; -And soonyew dance upon a bwoody powe -*notices bulge* Than *looks at you* stand uncovew'd to the vuwgaw gwoom. -Twue nyobiwity is exempt fwom feaw: -Mowe can I beaw than you dawe execute. -WIEUTENyANT. Hawe him away, and wet him tawk nyo mowe. -SUFFOWK. Come, sowdiews, show w-what *twerks* cwuewty ye can, -*teleports behind you* That this my death may nyevew be fowgot- -G-Gweat men oft die ^w^ by viwe bezonyians: -A Woman swowdew and banditto swave -*sighs* Muwdew'd sweet Tuwwy; Bwutus' bastawd h-hand -Stabb'd Juwius Caesaw; savage iswandews -Pompey the Gweat; and Suffowk dies ^w^ by piwates. -Exit WAWTEW *pokes you* with S-SUFFOWK -WIEUTENyANT. And as fow these, :33 whose *blushes* wansom we have set, -It is o-ouw pweasuwe onye of them *shuffles closer* depawt; -Thewefowe come you *pokes you* with us, and wet him go. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the FIWST GENTWEMAN - -We-entew WHITMOWE *pokes you* with SUFFOWK'S body - -WHITMOWE. *cries* Thewe wet his *sweats* head and wifewess body >_< wie, -Untiw the Queen his *notices bulge* mistwess buwy it. Exit -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. O bawbawous and bwoody spectacwe! -His body wiww I beaw unto the King. -If he *shuffles closer* wevenge *moans* it nyot, yet wiww his f-fwiends; -So wiww the Queen, *sweats* that l-wiving hewd him deaw. -Exit *pokes you* with the body - - - - -SCENyE II. -*cries* Bwackheath - -Entew GEOWGE BEVIS and JOHN H-HOWWAND - -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. Come and get thee a swowd, *sighs* though made of a wath; they have -been up these xDD two days. -JOHN. They have the mowe nyeed to sweep nyow, UwU then. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. I teww thee Jack Cade the cwothiew means to dwess the -commonweawth, and tuwn it, and set a nyew nyap upon it. -JOHN. So he h-had nyeed, fow 'tis t-thweadbawe. *sighs* Weww, I say *moans* it was nyevew -mewwy wowwd in Engwand s-since g-gentwemen came up. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. O misewabwe age! V-Viwtue is nyot wegawded in handicwaftsmen. -JOHN. The nyobiwity think s-scown to go in l-weathew apwons. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. Nyay, mowe, the K-King's Counciw awe nyo good wowkmen. -JOHN. Twue; and yet *moans* it is s-said 'Wabouw in t-thy vocation'; which is -as much to say as 'Wet the magistwates be wabouwing men'; and -thewefowe shouwd we be magistwates. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. *moans* Thou hast hit it; fow thewe's nyo bettew sign of a bwave -mind than a hawd hand. -JOHN. I see them! I see them! >_> Thewe's Best's son, the tannyew of -Wingham- -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. He shaww have the skins of o-ouw enyemies to make dog's -l-weathew of. -JOHN. And Dick the butchew- -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. T-Then is sin stwuck *giggles shyly* down, wike an ox, and i-inyiquity's thwoat -cut wike a *giggles shyly* cawf. -JOHN. And Smith the weavew- -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. :3 Awgo, t-theiw thwead of wife is spun. -JOHN. Come, come, wet's faww in *pokes you* with them. - -Dwum. Entew CADE, uWu DICK THE BUTCHEW, S-SMITH -THE WEAVEW, and a SAWYEW, *pokes you* with infinyite uWu nyumbews - -CADE. We John Cade, so tewm'd of o-ouw supposed fathew- -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] Ow wathew, of steawing a xDD cade of hewwings. -CADE. F-Fow o-ouw enyemies shaww faww befowe us, inspiwed *pokes you* with the -spiwit of p-putting down kings and p-pwinces- command x3 siwence. -xDD DICK. Siwence! -CADE. My fathew was a Mowtimew- -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] He was an honyest man and a good bwickwayew. -CADE. My mothew a *screams* Pwantagenyet- -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] I knyew h-hew weww; she was a midwife. -CADE. My wife d-descended of the Wacies- -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] She was, indeed, a pedwaw's daughtew, and sowd many ->_< waces. -SMITH. OwO [Aside] But n-nyow of wate, nyot abwe to *sweats* twavew *pokes you* with h-hew fuww'd -pack, she washes UwU bucks x3 hewe at home. -CADE. Thewefowe am I of an honyouwabwe house. -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] :33 Ay, ^w^ by my faith, the fiewd is honyouwabwe, and thewe -was he b-bown, undew a hedge, fow his fathew h-had nyevew a h-house xDD but -the cage. -CADE. Vawiant I am. -SMITH. OwO [Aside] 'A must nyeeds; fow beggawy is vawiant. -CADE. I am abwe to e-enduwe much. -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] Nyo question of that; fow I have :33 seen him whipt thwee -mawket days togethew. -CADE. I feaw nyeithew swowd n-nyow fiwe. -SMITH. OwO [Aside] He nyeed nyot feaw the swowd, fow his coat is of -pwoof. -xDD DICK. OwO [Aside] But methinks he shouwd *looks at you* stand in feaw of fiwe, being -buwnt i-i' th' h-hand fow steawing of sheep. -CADE. Be b-bwave, then, fow youw captain is b-bwave, and vows -r-wefowmation. *cries* Thewe shaww be in Engwand seven hawfpenny woaves -sowd fow a penny; the *pokes you* thwee-hoop'd pot shaww have ten hoops; and -I wiww make *moans* it *sweats* fewony to ^-^ dwink smaww beew. Aww the ^.^ weawm shaww be -in common, and in Cheapside shaww my p-pawfwey go to gwass. And -when I am *moans* king- as king I wiww be -AWW. OwO God uWu save youw Majesty! -CADE. I t-thank y-you, good peopwe- thewe shaww be nyo m-monyey; aww shaww -*cries* eat and ^-^ dwink *teleports behind you* on my scowe, and I wiww appawew them aww in onye -wivewy, *sweats* that they may agwee wike bwothews and wowship me t-theiw -l-wowd. -xDD DICK. The f-fiwst thing we do, wet's kiww aww the wawyews. -CADE. Nyay, *sweats* that I *looks at you* mean to do. *looks at you* Is nyot this a l-wamentabwe thing, *sweats* that -of the s-skin of an *blushes* innyocent wamb shouwd be made pawchment? *teleports behind you* That -pawchment, being >w< scwibbw'd o'ew, shouwd undo a man? Some say the -bee stings; xDD but I say 'tis the bee's wax; fow I did xDD but s-seaw once -to a thing, and I was nyevew minye own man since. H-How nyow! Who's -thewe? - -Entew some, bwinging in the CWEWK OF CHATHAM - -SMITH. The cwewk of Chatham. He can *looks away* wwite and xDD wead and OwO cast -accompt. -CADE. O monstwous! -SMITH. We t-took him >_> setting of boys' *pokes you* copies. -CADE. H-Hewe's a viwwain! -SMITH. Has a book in his pocket *pokes you* with wed wettews in't. -CADE. Nyay, then he is a c-conjuwew. -xDD DICK. Nyay, he can make obwigations and *looks away* wwite couwt-hand. -CADE. I am sowwy fow't; the man is a pwopew m-man, of minye honyouw; -*hugs tightly* unwess I find him *sweats* guiwty, he shaww nyot die. Come h-hithew, siwwah, -I must e-examinye thee. What is t-thy n-nyame? -CWEWK. E-Emmanyuew. -xDD DICK. They use to *looks away* wwite *moans* it *teleports behind you* on the t-top of wettews; *giggles shyly* 'twiww go hawd -*pokes you* with you. -CADE. Wet me awonye. Dost thou use to *looks away* wwite t-thy nyame, *blushes* ow hast thou a -mawk to thysewf, wike a honyest p-pwain-deawing man? -CWEWK. Siw, I t-thank >_< God, I have been so weww >w< bwought up *sweats* that I can -*looks away* wwite my nyame. -AWW. He hath confess'd. Away *pokes you* with him! He's a viwwain and a -*leans over* twaitow. -CADE. Away *pokes you* with him, I say! Hang him *pokes you* with his pen and inkhown a-about -his nyeck. Exit onye *pokes you* with the CWEWK - -Entew MICHAEW - -MICHAEW. Whewe's o-ouw Genyewaw? -CADE. Hewe I am, thou pawticuwaw fewwow. -MICHAEW. Fwy, fwy, fwy! Siw Humphwey Staffowd and his b-bwothew awe -hawd by, *pokes you* with the K-King's fowces. -CADE. S-Stand, viwwain, stand, *blushes* ow I'ww feww thee :33 down. He shaww be -encount'wed *pokes you* with a man as good as h-himsewf. He is xDD but a knyight, -is '-'a? -MICHAEW. Nyo. -CADE. To equaw him, I wiww make m-mysewf a knyight pwesentwy. -[Knyeews] Wise up, Siw John Mowtimew. [Wises] >_> Nyow have at him! - -Entew SIW HUMPHWEY STAFFOWD and WIWWIAM -his bwothew, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and sowdiews - -STAFFOWD. Webewwious hinds, the fiwth and s-scum of Kent, -Mawk'd fow the gawwows, *looks at you* way youw w-weapons down; -H-Home to youw cottages, fowsake this gwoom; -The King is *sighs* mewcifuw if you r-wevowt. -WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. But a-angwy, wwathfuw, and i-incwin'd to b-bwood, -If you go fowwawd; thewefowe y-yiewd *blushes* ow die. -CADE. As fow these siwken-coated swaves, I pass nyot; -It is to y-you, good peopwe, *sweats* that I speak, -O'ew whom, in time to come, I hope to r-weign; -F-Fow I am wightfuw heiw unto the cwown. -STAFFOWD. V-Viwwain, t-thy fathew was a *moans* pwastewew; -And thou thysewf a sheawman, awt thou nyot? -CADE. And *cuddles you* Adam was a gawdenyew. -WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. And w-what of that? -CADE. Mawwy, this: *hugs tightly* Edmund Mowtimew, E-Eaww of Mawch, -Mawwied the D-Duke of >w< Cwawence' daughtew, did he nyot? -STAFFOWD. :33 Ay, siw. -CADE. By h-hew he h-had xDD two chiwdwen at onye biwth. -WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. That's fawse. -CADE. :33 Ay, thewe's the question; xDD but I say 'tis twue. -The ewdew of them being p-put to nyuwse, -*hugs tightly* Was ^w^ by a beggaw-woman stow'n away, -And, ignyowant of his biwth and *blushes* pawentage, -Became a bwickwayew when he came to age. -His son am I; deny *moans* it if you c-can. -xDD DICK. Nyay, 'tis too *shuffles closer* twue; thewefowe he shaww be king. -SMITH. Siw, he made a chimnyey in my fathew's *notices bulge* house, and the bwicks -awe awive at this day to testify it; thewefowe deny *moans* it nyot. -STAFFOWD. And wiww you *screams* cwedit this base dwudge's wowds -*teleports behind you* That speaks he *looks away* knyows nyot *cuddles you* what? -AWW. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, wiww we; thewefowe get ye gonye. -WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. Jack Cade, the D-Duke of Yowk hath taught you this. -CADE. OwO [Aside] He wies, fow I invented *moans* it mysewf- Go to, siwwah, -teww the King fwom me *sweats* that fow his fathew's sake, Henwy the -Fifth, in :33 whose time boys went to span-countew fow Fwench *moans* cwowns, -I am content he shaww r-weign; xDD but I'ww be P-Pwotectow ovew him. -xDD DICK. And fuwthewmowe, we'ww have the Wowd Say's *sweats* head fow sewwing -the d-dukedom of Mainye. -CADE. And good weason; fow t-theweby is Engwand main'd and fain to go -*pokes you* with a staff, xDD but *sweats* that my puissance howds *moans* it up. Fewwow kings, I -teww you *sweats* that *sweats* that Wowd Say hath gewded the commonweawth and made -*moans* it an eunyuch; and mowe than that, he can speak Fwench, and -thewefowe he is a *leans over* twaitow. -STAFFOWD. O gwoss and misewabwe ignyowance! -CADE. Nyay, *sighs* answew if you c-can; the Fwenchmen awe o-ouw enyemies. Go to, -then, I ask xDD but this: can he *sweats* that speaks *pokes you* with the t-tongue of an -enyemy be a good counsewwow, *blushes* ow nyo? -AWW. N-Nyo, nyo; and thewefowe we'ww have his h-head. -WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. *sighs* Weww, seeing g-gentwe wowds wiww nyot pwevaiw, -Assaiw them *pokes you* with the awmy of the King. -STAFFOWD. Hewawd, *looks away* away; and thwoughout evewy town -Pwocwaim them t-twaitows *sweats* that awe up *pokes you* with Cade; -*teleports behind you* That those which f-fwy befowe the battwe e-ends -May, even in t-theiw wives'and chiwdwen's sight, -Be hang'd up fow exampwe at t-theiw *shuffles closer* doows. -And you *sweats* that be the K-King's fwiends, f-fowwow me. -UwU Exeunt the TWO STAFFOWDS and sowdiews -CADE. And you *sweats* that wove the commons f-fowwow me. ->_> Nyow show youwsewves men; 'tis fow wibewty. -We wiww nyot weave onye wowd, onye gentweman; -Spawe nyonye xDD but such as go in cwouted shoon, -F-Fow they awe thwifty honyest men and such -As wouwd- xDD but *sweats* that they dawe nyot- take o-ouw pawts. -xDD DICK. They awe aww in owdew, and mawch towawd us. -CADE. But then awe we in owdew when we awe most out of owdew. Come, -mawch fowwawd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of *cries* Bwackheath - -Awawums to the fight, w-whewein b-both the STAFFOWDS awe swain. -Entew CADE and the west - -CADE. Whewe's Dick, the butchew of Ashfowd? -xDD DICK. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -CADE. They feww befowe thee wike sheep and oxen, and thou b-behavedst -thysewf as if thou hadst been in thinye own swaughtew-house; -thewefowe t-thus wiww I wewawd thee- the Went shaww be as wong -;;w;; again as *moans* it *screams* is, and thou shawt have a wicence to kiww fow a -hundwed wacking onye. -xDD DICK. I desiwe nyo mowe. -CADE. And, to speak twuth, thou *looks away* desewv'st nyo wess. [Putting *teleports behind you* on SIW -HUMPHWEY'S bwigandinye] This monyument of the *pokes you* victowy wiww I *looks away* beaw, -and the bodies shaww be dwagged at my howse h-heews tiww I do come -to Wondon, whewe we wiww have the mayow's swowd bownye befowe us. -xDD DICK. If we *looks at you* mean to UwU thwive and do ^-^ good, bweak open the gaows and -wet out the pwisonyews. -CADE. Feaw nyot that, I wawwant thee. Come, wet's mawch towawds -Wondon. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the KING *pokes you* with a *sighs* suppwication, and the QUEEN *pokes you* with SUFFOWK'S *sighs* head; -the D-DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM, and the WOWD x3 SAY - -QUEEN. Oft have I h-heawd *sweats* that g-gwief softens the mind -And makes *moans* it f-feawfuw and degenyewate; -Think thewefowe *teleports behind you* on *shuffles closer* wevenge and c-cease to >_< weep. -But w-who can c-cease to weep, and wook *teleports behind you* on *sweats* this? -Hewe may his *sweats* head wie *teleports behind you* on my thwobbing bweast; -But whewe's the body *sweats* that I shouwd >_< embwace? -BUCKINGHAM. What *sighs* answew makes youw Gwace to the r-webews' -suppwication? -KING HENWY. I'ww send *blushes* some howy bishop to entweat; -F-Fow OwO God fowbid so many simpwe s-souws -Shouwd pewish ^w^ by the x3 swowd! And I *twerks* mysewf, -Wathew than bwoody waw shaww cut them showt, -Wiww pawwey *pokes you* with Jack Cade t-theiw genyewaw. -But stay, I'ww xDD wead *moans* it ovew once again. -QUEEN. Ah, bawbawous viwwains! Hath this wovewy *cuddles you* face -Wuw'd wike a wandewing pwanyet ovew me, -And couwd *moans* it nyot enfowce them to wewent -*teleports behind you* That wewe u-unwowthy to behowd the same? -KING HENWY. Wowd Say, Jack Cade hath swown to have t-thy h-head. -SAY. :33 Ay, xDD but I hope youw *sweats* Highnyess shaww have his. -KING HENWY. H-How nyow, madam! -Stiww wamenting and *sweats* mouwnying fow Suffowk's death? -I feaw me, wove, if *sweats* that I h-had been dead, -*moans* Thou wouwdst nyot have mouwn'd so much fow me. -QUEEN. N-Nyo, my wove, I shouwd nyot m-mouwn, xDD but die fow thee. - -Entew A MESSENGEW - -KING HENWY. H-How nyow! What nyews? Why com'st thou in such h-haste? -MESSENGEW. The webews awe in Southwawk; fwy, my wowd! -Jack Cade p-pwocwaims himsewf Wowd Mowtimew, -Descended fwom the D-Duke of >w< Cwawence' *notices bulge* house, -And cawws youw Gwace u-usuwpew, openwy, -And vows to cwown himsewf in Westminstew. -His awmy is a wagged muwtitude -Of hinds and *cuddles you* peasants, ^w^ wude and mewciwess; -Siw Humphwey Staffowd and his bwothew's death -Hath given them heawt and couwage to *looks at you* pwoceed. -Aww schowaws, wawyews, couwtiews, gentwemen, -They *giggles shyly* caww f-fawse c-catewpiwwaws and intend t-theiw death. -KING HENWY. O gwacewess :33 men! they knyow nyot w-what they do. -BUCKINGHAM. My g-gwacious wowd, wetiwe to Kiwwingwowth -Untiw a *cries* powew be wais'd to p-put them :33 down. -QUEEN. Ah, wewe the D-Duke of Suffowk n-nyow *sweats* awive, -These Kentish webews ^.^ wouwd be soon appeas'd! -KING HENWY. Wowd Say, the t-twaitows hate thee; -Thewefowe away *pokes you* with us to Kiwwingwowth. -SAY. So might youw G-Gwace's pewson be in d-dangew. -The s-sight of me is odious in t-theiw eyes; -And thewefowe in this city wiww I >_< stay -And wive awonye as secwet as I *notices bulge* may. - -Entew anyothew MESSENGEW - -SECOND MESSENGEW. Jack Cade hath gotten Wondon Bwidge. -The citizens f-fwy and fowsake t-theiw h-houses; -The wascaw peopwe, *cuddles you* thiwsting aftew pwey, -J-Join *pokes you* with the twaitow; and they jointwy sweaw -To spoiw the city and youw woyaw couwt. -BUCKINGHAM. T-Then wingew nyot, my wowd; away, take howse. -KING HENWY. Come Mawgawet; >_< God, o-ouw hope, wiww succouw us. -QUEEN. My hope is :3 gonye, n-nyow Suffowk is deceas'd. -KING HENWY. [To WOWD SAY] Faweweww, my wowd, twust nyot the Kentish -webews. -BUCKINGHAM. Twust n-nyobody, fow feaw you be betway'd. -SAY. The twust I have is in minye innyocence, -And thewefowe am I bowd and wesowute. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Wondon. The Towew - -Entew WOWD SCAWES ^-^ Upon the Towew, wawking. T-Then entew xDD two *blushes* ow thwee CITIZENS, -bewow - -SCAWES. H-How nyow! *looks at you* Is Jack Cade *notices bulge* swain? -FIWST CITIZEN. N-Nyo, my wowd, n-nyow *leans over* wikewy to be s-swain; fow they have -won the bwidge, kiwwing aww those *sweats* that withstand them. -The Wowd Mayow cwaves aid of youw honyouw fwom the -Towew, to defend the city fwom the webews. -SCAWES. *screams* Such aid as I can uWu spawe you shaww command, -But I am twoubwed x3 hewe *pokes you* with them mysewf; -The webews have UwU assay'd to win the Towew. -But get you to Smithfiewd, and gathew head, -And thithew I wiww send you Matthew Goffe; -Fight fow youw King, youw countwy, and youw wives; -And so, faweweww, fow I must hence again. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Wondon. Cannyon UwU stweet - -Entew JACK CADE and the west, and stwikes his staff *teleports behind you* on Wondon Stonye - -CADE. >_> Nyow is Mowtimew *hugs tightly* wowd of this city. And hewe, sitting upon -Wondon S-Stonye, I chawge and command that, of the city's c-cost, the -p-pissing conduit wun nyothing xDD but cwawet winye this f-fiwst *leans over* yeaw of -o-ouw r-weign. And n-nyow h-hencefowwawd *moans* it shaww be tweason fow any *sweats* that -cawws me othew than Wowd Mowtimew. - -Entew a SOWDIEW, wunnying - -S-SOWDIEW. Jack Cade! Jack Cade! -CADE. Knyock him down thewe. [They kiww h-him] -SMITH. If this fewwow be wise, he'ww nyevew *giggles shyly* caww ye Jack Cade *looks away* mowe; -I think he hath a vewy *looks at you* faiw w-wawnying. -xDD DICK. My wowd, thewe's an awmy gathewed togethew in *sweats* Smithfiewd. -CADE. Come then, wet's go fight *pokes you* with them. But f-fiwst go and set -Wondon Bwidge *teleports behind you* on fiwe; and, if you can, buwn down the Towew too. -Come, wet's a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -Wondon. Smithfiewd - -Awawums. MATTHEW GOFFE is swain, and aww the west. T-Then entew JACK CADE, -*pokes you* with his company - -CADE. >_> So, siws. >_> Nyow go *blushes* some and puww down the Savoy; o-othews to th' -Inns of *twerks* Couwt; down *pokes you* with them aww. -xDD DICK. I have a suit unto youw wowdship. -CADE. Be *moans* it a wowdship, thou shawt have *moans* it fow *sweats* that wowd. -xDD DICK. Onwy *sweats* that the waws of Engwand may come out of youw m-mouth. -JOHN. OwO [Aside] Mass, *giggles shyly* 'twiww be sowe waw then; fow he was thwust in -the mouth *pokes you* with a speaw, and 'tis nyot whowe yet. -SMITH. OwO [Aside] Nyay, John, *moans* it wiww be stinking waw; fow his >_< bweath -stinks *pokes you* with eating toasted cheese. -CADE. I have thought upon it; *moans* it shaww be so. ^w^ Away, buwn aww the -wecowds of the *looks away* weawm. My mouth shaww be the Pawwiament of -Engwand. -JOHN. OwO [Aside] T-Then we awe wike to have b-biting s-statutes, *hugs tightly* unwess his -teeth be p-puww'd ^w^ out. -CADE. And h-hencefowwawd aww things shaww be in c-common. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My wowd, a pwize, a pwize! H-Hewe's the Wowd Say, which -sowd the towns in Fwance; he *sweats* that made us p-pay onye and twenty -fifteens, and onye shinying to the pound, the wast *blushes* subsidy. - -Entew GEOWGE B-BEVIS, *pokes you* with the WOWD x3 SAY - -CADE. *sighs* Weww, he shaww be beheaded fow *moans* it ten times. Ah, thou say, -thou sewge, nyay, thou buckwam wowd! >_> Nyow awt thou within point ->_> bwank of o-ouw juwisdiction wegaw. What ;;w;; canst thou *sighs* answew to my -Majesty fow giving up of Nyowmandy unto Mounsieuw Basimecu the -Dauphin of Fwance? Be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown unto thee ^w^ by these pwesence, even -the :33 pwesence of Wowd Mowtimew, *sweats* that I am the besom *sweats* that must -sweep the couwt cwean of such fiwth as thou awt. *moans* Thou hast most -twaitowouswy cowwupted the youth of the ^.^ weawm in ewecting a -gwammaw schoow; and wheweas, befowe, o-ouw fowefathews h-had nyo othew -books xDD but the ^-^ scowe and the tawwy, thou hast caused pwinting to -be *pokes you* us'd, and, contwawy to the King, his cwown, and dignyity, thou -hast b-buiwt a papew-miww. It wiww be >w< pwoved to t-thy *cuddles you* face *sweats* that thou -hast men a-about thee *sweats* that usuawwy tawk of a nyoun and a vewb, and -such abominyabwe wowds as nyo Chwistian eaw can e-enduwe to *sighs* heaw. -*moans* Thou hast appointed justices of peace, to *giggles shyly* caww poow men befowe -them a-about *teleports behind you* mattews they wewe nyot abwe to answew. Moweovew, thou -hast p-put them in p-pwison, and because they couwd nyot wead, thou -hast hang'd them, when, indeed, onwy fow *sweats* that c-cause they have -been most wowthy to l-wive. *moans* Thou dost wide in a foot-cwoth, dost -thou nyot? -SAY. What of that? -CADE. Mawwy, thou ought'st nyot to wet t-thy howse weaw a c-cwoak, when -*notices bulge* honyestew men than thou go in t-theiw hose and doubwets. -xDD DICK. And wowk in t-theiw shiwt too, as *twerks* mysewf, fow exampwe, *sweats* that am -a *cuddles you* butchew. -SAY. Y-You men of uWu Kent- -xDD DICK. What say you of Kent? -SAY. Nyothing xDD but this: 'tis 'bonya t-tewwa, mawa g-gens.' -CADE. Away *pokes you* with him, away *pokes you* with him! He speaks Watin. -SAY. Heaw me xDD but speak, and beaw me whewe you wiww. -Kent, in the Commentawies Caesaw wwit, -*looks at you* Is tewm'd the *looks at you* civiw'st pwace of aww this iswe. -Sweet is the countwy, because fuww of >w< wiches; -The peopwe wibewaw vawiant, *giggles shyly* active, weawthy; -Which makes me hope you awe nyot void of pity. -I sowd nyot Mainye, I wost nyot Nyowmandy; -Yet, to wecovew them, ^.^ wouwd wose my wife. -J-Justice *pokes you* with favouw have I awways d-donye; -Pway'ws and teaws have mov'd me, gifts couwd >_> nyevew. -When have I a-aught exacted at youw uWu hands, -But to m-maintain the King, the r-weawm, and you? -Wawge gifts have I bestow'd *teleports behind you* on weawnyed cwewks, -*screams* Because my book pwefeww'd me to the King, -And seeing ignyowance is the cuwse of >_< God, -Knyowwedge the w-wing whewewith we f-fwy to heaven, -*leans over* Unwess you be possess'd *pokes you* with deviwish spiwits -Y-You cannyot xDD but fowbeaw to muwdew me. -This t-tongue hath pawwey'd unto foweign kings -F-Fow youw behoof. -CADE. Tut, when stwuck'st thou onye bwow in the fiewd? -SAY. G-Gweat men have weaching h-hands. Oft have I stwuck -Those *sweats* that I nyevew saw, and stwuck them dead. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. O monstwous cowawd! What, to come UwU behind fowks? -SAY. These cheeks awe pawe fow watching fow youw good. -CADE. Give him a box o' th' eaw, and *sweats* that wiww make 'em wed again. -SAY. L-Wong sitting to UwU detewminye poow men's c-causes -Hath made me fuww of sicknyess and d-diseases. -CADE. Ye shaww have a *sweats* hempen caudwe then, and the hewp of UwU hatchet. -xDD DICK. Why dost thou quivew, man? -SAY. The pawsy, and nyot feaw, pwovokes me. -CADE. Nyay, he nyods at us, as w-who shouwd say 'I'ww be even *pokes you* with -you'; I'ww see if his *sweats* head wiww *looks at you* stand steadiew *teleports behind you* on a p-powe, *blushes* ow nyo. -Take him away, and behead him. -SAY. Teww me: w-whewein have I offended most? -Have I *cuddles you* affected *giggles shyly* weawth *blushes* ow honyouw? Speak. -Awe my chests fiww'd up *pokes you* with extowted gowd? -*looks at you* Is my appawew sumptuous to behowd? -Whom have I injuw'd, *sweats* that ye seek my death? -These h-hands awe fwee fwom guiwtwess bwoodshedding, -This b-bweast fwom hawbouwing f-fouw deceitfuw thoughts. -O, wet me wive! -CADE. OwO [Aside] I f-feew wemowse in m-mysewf *pokes you* with his wowds; xDD but I'ww -*giggles shyly* bwidwe it. He shaww die, an *moans* it be xDD but fow pweading so weww fow -his wife.- Away *pokes you* with him! He has a f-famiwiaw undew his tongue; he -speaks nyot o' God's nyame. Go, take him away, I say, and stwike -off his *sweats* head pwesentwy, and then bweak into his son-in-waw's -*notices bulge* house, Siw James C-Cwomew, and stwike off his head, and b-bwing them -b-both upon xDD two powes *looks at you* hithew. -AWW. It shaww be donye. -SAY. Ah, countwymen! if when you make youw pway'ws, -OwO God shouwd be so obduwate as *cuddles you* youwsewves, -H-How ^.^ wouwd *moans* it fawe *pokes you* with youw depawted s-souws? -And thewefowe yet wewent and uWu save my wife. -CADE. Away *pokes you* with him, and do as I command >_< ye. [Exeunt *blushes* some *pokes you* with -WOWD SAY] The pwoudest peew in the ^.^ weawm shaww nyot weaw a *sweats* head -*teleports behind you* on his shouwdews, *hugs tightly* unwess he p-pay me twibute; thewe shaww nyot a -maid be m-mawwied, xDD but she shaww p-pay to me h-hew maidenhead ewe they -have it. Men shaww howd of me in ^w^ capite; and we chawge and -command *sweats* that t-theiw wives be as fwee as heawt can wish *blushes* ow t-tongue -can teww. -xDD DICK. My wowd, when shaww we go to Cheapside, and take up -*twerks* commodities upon o-ouw biwws? -CADE. Mawwy, pwesentwy. -AWW. O, b-bwave! - -We-entew onye *pokes you* with the :33 heads - -CADE. But is nyot this bwavew? Wet them kiss onye anyothew, fow they -*notices bulge* wov'd weww when they wewe awive. >_> Nyow *cries* pawt them again, west they -consuwt a-about the giving up of *blushes* some mowe towns in Fwance. -Sowdiews, defew the spoiw of the city u-untiw nyight; fow *pokes you* with these -bownye befowe us instead of maces wiww we wide uWu thwough the -stweets, and at evewy cownyew have them kiss. Away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VIII. -Southwawk - -:33 Awawum and wetweat. Entew ;;w;; again CADE and aww his wabbwement - -CADE. U-Up Fish Stweet! down Saint Magnyus' Cownyew! Kiww and knyock ->w< down! Thwow them into Thames! *cries* [Sound a pawwey] -What nyoise is this I heaw? Dawe any be so bowd to s-sound wetweat -*blushes* ow pawwey when I command them kiww? - -Entew BUCKINGHAM and owd CWIFFOWD, *looks away* attended - -BUCKINGHAM. :33 Ay, x3 hewe they be *sweats* that dawe and wiww distuwb thee. -And thewefowe yet wewent, and uWu save my wife. -Knyow, Cade, we come ambassadows fwom the King -Unto the commons whom thou hast miswed; -And x3 hewe pwonyounce fwee pawdon to them aww -*teleports behind you* That wiww fowsake thee and go h-home in *teleports behind you* peace. -CWIFFOWD. What say y-ye, countwymen? Wiww ye wewent -And y-yiewd to mewcy whiwst 'tis offew'd y-you, -Ow wet a webew wead you to youw deaths? -Who woves the King, and wiww embwace his pawdon, -Fwing up his cap and say 'God uWu save his Majesty!' -Who hateth him and honyouws nyot his fathew, -Henwy the Fifth, *sweats* that made aww F-Fwance to quake, -Shake he his weapon at us and pass b-by. -AWW. OwO God uWu save the King! OwO God uWu save the King! -CADE. What, Buckingham and Cwiffowd, awe ye so bwave? -And y-you, base *cuddles you* peasants, do ye bewieve him? Wiww you ;;w;; nyeeds be -hang'd *pokes you* with youw a-about youw nyecks? Hath my swowd thewefowe b-bwoke -uWu thwough Wondon gates, *sweats* that you shouwd weave me at the White Hawt -in S-Southwawk? I thought ye ^.^ wouwd nyevew have given out these awms -tiww you h-had wecovewed youw *cries* ancient fweedom. But you awe aww -wecweants and dastawds, and dewight to wive in swavewy to the -nyobiwity. Wet them bweak youw backs *pokes you* with buwdens, take youw -houses ovew youw :3 heads, wavish youw wives and daughtews befowe -youw faces. F-Fow me, I wiww make UwU shift fow onye; and so God's cuwse -wight upon you a-aww! -AWW. We'ww f-fowwow Cade, we'ww f-fowwow Cade! -CWIFFOWD. *looks at you* Is Cade the son of Henwy the Fifth, -*teleports behind you* That t-thus you do e-excwaim y-you'ww go *pokes you* with him? -Wiww he conduct you uWu thwough the heawt of F-Fwance, -And make the meanyest of you eawws and xDD dukes? -A-Awas, he hath nyo home, nyo pwace to f-fwy uWu to; -N-Nyow *looks away* knyows he how to wive xDD but ^w^ by the spoiw, -*leans over* Unwess ^w^ by wobbing of youw fwiends and us. -Wewe't nyot a shame *sweats* that whiwst you wive at *notices bulge* jaw -The f-feawfuw Fwench, whom you *looks away* wate vanquished, -Shouwd make a stawt o'ew seas and vanquish you? -Methinks awweady in this civiw bwoiw -I see them wowding *moans* it in Wondon stweets, -Cwying '-'Viwwiago!' unto aww they meet. -Bettew ten thousand base-bown C-Cades miscawwy -*notices bulge* Than you shouwd stoop unto a Fwenchman's mewcy. -To F-Fwance, to F-Fwance, and get w-what you have wost; -Spawe Engwand, fow *moans* it is youw n-nyative c-coast. -Henwy hath m-monyey; you awe stwong and m-manwy. -OwO God *teleports behind you* on o-ouw >_< side, d-doubt nyot of victowy. -AWW. A Cwiffowd! a Cwiffowd! We'ww f-fowwow the King and *blushes* Cwiffowd. -CADE. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew feathew so wightwy bwown to and fwo as this -muwtitude? The nyame of Henwy the Fifth hawes them to an hundwed -mischiefs, and makes them weave me desowate. I see them *looks at you* way t-theiw -:33 heads togethew to suwpwise me. My swowd make way fow me fow x3 hewe -is nyo staying. In despite of the *cuddles you* deviws and heww, have uWu thwough -the vewy middest of y-you! and *leans over* heavens and honyouw be witnyess *sweats* that -nyo want of *sighs* wesowution in me, xDD but onwy my fowwowews' base and -ignyominyious tweasons, makes me betake me to my h-heews. -Exit -BUCKINGHAM. What, is he fwed? Go some, and f-fowwow :3 him; -And he *sweats* that bwings his *sweats* head unto the King -Shaww have a thousand cwowns fow his wewawd. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* some of them -Fowwow me, sowdiews; we'ww devise a *looks at you* mean -To weconciwe you aww unto the King. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE xDD IX. -Kiwwing, wowth Castwe - -Sound twumpets. Entew KING, Q-QUEEN, and SOMEWSET, *teleports behind you* on the tewwace - -KING HENWY. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew king *sweats* that joy'd an eawthwy thwonye -And couwd command nyo mowe content than I? -Nyo soonyew was I cwept out of my cwadwe -But I was made a king, at nyinye m-months owd. -*hugs tightly* Was nyevew subject wong'd to be a King -As I do wong and wish to be a :3 subject. - -Entew BUCKINGHAM and owd CWIFFOWD - -BUCKINGHAM. Heawth and gwad t-tidings to youw Majesty! -KING HENWY. W-Why, OwO Buckingham, is the twaitow Cade suwpwis'd? -Ow is he xDD but wetiw'd to make him stwong? - -Entew, UwU bewow, *hugs tightly* muwtitudes, *pokes you* with hawtews a-about t-theiw nyecks - -CWIFFOWD. He is f-fwed, my wowd, and aww his powews do yiewd, -And humbwy :3 thus, *pokes you* with hawtews *teleports behind you* on t-theiw n-nyecks, -Expect youw Highnyess' doom of wife *blushes* ow death. -KING HENWY. Then, heaven, set ope t-thy evewwasting gates, -To e-entewtain my vows of thanks and pwaise! -Sowdiews, this day have you wedeem'd youw l-wives, -And show'd how weww you wove youw Pwince and c-countwy. -Continyue stiww in this so good a *leans over* mind, -And OwO Henwy, *sighs* though he be i-infowtunyate, -Assuwe *cuddles you* youwsewves, wiww nyevew be u-unkind. -And so, *pokes you* with thanks and pawdon to you a-aww, -I do dismiss you to youw sevewaw countwies. -AWW. OwO God uWu save the King! OwO God uWu save the King! - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Pwease *moans* it youw Gwace to be advewtised -The D-Duke of Yowk is nyewwy come fwom Iwewand -And *pokes you* with a puissant and a mighty *cries* powew -Of gawwowgwasses and stout k-kewns -*looks at you* Is mawching hithewwawd in pwoud awway, -And stiww pwocwaimeth, as he c-comes a-awong, -His awms awe onwy to wemove fwom thee -The D-Duke of Somewset, whom he tewms a *leans over* twaitow. -KING HENWY. Thus stands my state, 'twixt Cade and Yowk UwU distwess'd; -Wike to a ship that, having s-scap'd a tempest, -*looks at you* Is stwaightway cawm'd, and boawded *pokes you* with a piwate; -But n-nyow is Cade dwiven back, his men dispews'd, -And n-nyow is Yowk in awms to second him. -I pway ^w^ thee, OwO Buckingham, go and meet him -And ask him what's the weason of these *leans over* awms. -Teww him I'ww send D-Duke *hugs tightly* Edmund to the Towew- -And Somewset, we wiww commit thee thithew -Untiw his awmy be UwU dismiss'd fwom him. -SOMEWSET. My wowd, -I'ww y-yiewd m-mysewf to pwison wiwwingwy, -Ow unto death, to do my *looks at you* countwy good. -KING HENWY. In any *screams* case be nyot too wough in tewms, -F-Fow he is fiewce and cannyot bwook hawd wanguage. -BUCKINGHAM. I wiww, my wowd, and d-doubt nyot so to deaw -As aww things shaww wedound unto youw good. -KING HENWY. Come, wife, wet's in, and weawn to govewn bettew; -F-Fow yet may Engwand cuwse my wwetched r-weign. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE X. -Kent. Iden's gawden - -Entew CADE - -CADE. Fie *teleports behind you* on x3 ambitions! Fie *teleports behind you* on *twerks* mysewf, *sweats* that have a swowd and yet am -r-weady to f-famish! These five days have I hid me in these woods and -d-duwst nyot peep *pokes you* out, fow aww the *looks at you* countwy is waid fow me; xDD but n-nyow -am I so hungwy that, if I might have a wease of my wife fow a -thousand yeaws, I couwd >_< stay nyo *twerks* wongew. Whewefowe, *teleports behind you* on a bwick -*moans* waww have I cwimb'd into this gawden, to see if I can *cries* eat gwass -*blushes* ow pick a sawwet anyothew w-whiwe, which is nyot amiss to coow a -man's ^.^ stomach this hot weathew. And I think this wowd 'sawwet' -was bown to do me good; fow many a time, xDD but fow a sawwet, my -bwain-pain h-had been c-cweft *pokes you* with a bwown biww; and many a time, -when I have been d-dwy, and bwavewy m-mawching, *moans* it hath sewv'd me -instead of a xDD quawt-pot to ^-^ dwink in; and n-nyow the wowd 'sawwet' -must sewve me to feed on. - -Entew IDEN - -IDEN. Wowd, w-who ^.^ wouwd wive tuwmoiwed in the couwt -And may enjoy such quiet wawks as these? -This smaww inhewitance my fathew >w< weft me -*looks away* Contenteth me, and wowth a monyawchy. -I seek nyot to wax gweat ^w^ by othews' w-wanying -Ow gathew *giggles shyly* weawth I OwO cawe nyot *pokes you* with w-what envy; -Sufficeth *sweats* that I have maintains my state, -And *shuffles closer* sends the poow weww pweased fwom my g-gate. -CADE. H-Hewe's the *hugs tightly* wowd of the soiw come to seize me fow a *teleports behind you* stway, fow -entewing his fee-simpwe without >_< weave. Ah, viwwain, thou wiwt -betway me, and get a thousand cwowns of the King ^w^ by *twerks* cawwying my -*sweats* head to :3 him; xDD but I'ww make thee *cries* eat iwon wike an ostwich and -swawwow my swowd wike a gweat p-pin ewe thou and I pawt. -IDEN. W-Why, ^w^ wude companyion, whatsoe'ew thou be, -I knyow thee nyot; why then shouwd I betway *moans* thee? -Is't nyot enyough to bweak into my gawden -And wike a thief to come to wob my gwounds, -C-Cwimbing my wawws in ^w^ spite of me the ownyew, -But thou wiwt bwave me *pokes you* with these saucy tewms? -CADE. Bwave *moans* thee? :33 Ay, ^w^ by the best b-bwood *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew was b-bwoach'd, and -beawd thee too. Wook *teleports behind you* on me weww: I have *cries* eat nyo meat these five -*screams* days, yet come thou and t-thy five men and if I do nyot weave you -aww as dead as a doow-nyaiw, I pway OwO God I may nyevew *cries* eat gwass -mowe. -IDEN. Nyay, *moans* it shaww nye'ew be ^-^ said, whiwe Engwand stands, -*teleports behind you* That Awexandew uWu Iden, an esquiwe of Kent, -Took odds to combat a poow famish'd *pokes you* man. -Oppose t-thy steadfast-gazing eyes to minye; -See if thou ;;w;; canst outface me *pokes you* with t-thy wooks; -Set l-wimb to wimb, and thou awt faw the wessew; -Thy h-hand is xDD but a fingew to my fist, -Thy weg a stick c-compawed *pokes you* with this twuncheon; -My f-foot shaww fight *pokes you* with aww the stwength thou hast, -And if minye awm be heaved in the aiw, -Thy gwave is digg'd awweady in the eawth. -As fow wowds, :33 whose *notices bulge* gweatnyess answews wowds, -Wet this my swowd wepowt w-what speech fowbeaws. -CADE. By my vawouw, the most compwete champion *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I heawd! ->_> Steew, if thou tuwn the e-edge, *blushes* ow cut nyot out the buwwy bon'd -cwown in chinyes of beef ewe thou sweep in t-thy sheath, I beseech -OwO God *teleports behind you* on my knyees thou m-mayst be tuwn'd to hobnyaiws. [Hewe they -fight; CADE fawws] O, I am swain! faminye and nyo othew hath s-swain -me. Wet ten thousand *cuddles you* deviws come against me, and give me xDD but the -ten *leans over* meaws I have l-wost, and I'd defy them aww. Withew, gawden, and -be hencefowth a buwying pwace to aww *sweats* that do dweww in this *notices bulge* house, -because the unconquewed souw of Cade is fwed. -IDEN. Is't Cade *sweats* that I have swain, *sweats* that monstwous twaitow? -Swowd, I wiww hawwow thee fow this t-thy deed -And hang thee o'ew my tomb when I am dead. -Nye'ew shaww this b-bwood be wiped fwom t-thy point, -But thou shawt weaw *moans* it as a >_< hewawd's coat -To embwaze the honyouw *sweats* that t-thy mastew got. -CADE. uWu Iden, *shuffles closer* faweweww; and be pwoud of t-thy victowy. Teww K-Kent fwom -me she hath wost h-hew best m-man, and exhowt aww the wowwd to be -cowawds; fow I, *sweats* that nyevew feawed any, am vanquished ^w^ by faminye, -nyot ^w^ by vawouw. [Dies] -IDEN. H-How much thou wwong'st me, heaven be my judge. -Die, d-damnyed wwetch, the cuwse of h-hew *sweats* that bawe thee! -And as I thwust t-thy body in *pokes you* with my swowd, -So wish I, I might thwust t-thy souw to heww. -Hence wiww I dwag thee headwong ^w^ by the h-heews -Unto a d-dunghiww, which shaww be t-thy gwave, -And thewe cut off t-thy most ungwacious head, -Which I wiww beaw in twiumph to the King, -Weaving t-thy twunk fow cwows to feed upon. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Fiewds between Dawtfowd and *cries* Bwackheath - -Entew YOWK, and his awmy of Iwish, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -OwO YOWK. Fwom Iwewand t-thus c-comes Yowk to c-cwaim his wight -And pwuck the cwown fwom feebwe H-Henwy's head: -*looks at you* Wing bewws awoud, buwn bonfiwes cweaw and bwight, -To e-entewtain gweat Engwand's l-wawfuw king. -Ah, sancta majestas! w-who ^.^ wouwd nyot b-buy thee deaw? -Wet them obey *sweats* that *looks away* knyows nyot how to r-wuwe; -This h-hand was made to >_> handwe nyought xDD but gowd. -I cannyot give due action to my wowds -Except a swowd *blushes* ow *sweats* sceptwe b-bawance it. -A *sweats* sceptwe shaww *moans* it h-have, have I a souw -On which I'ww toss the fwowew-de-wuce of Fwance. - -Entew BUCKINGHAM - -OwO [Aside] Whom have we hewe? OwO Buckingham, to distuwb me? -The King hath OwO sent him, suwe: I must d-dissembwe. -BUCKINGHAM. Yowk, if thou meanyest weww I ^-^ gweet thee weww. -OwO YOWK. Humphwey of OwO Buckingham, I accept t-thy gweeting. -Awt thou a m-messengew, *blushes* ow come of pweasuwe? -BUCKINGHAM. A m-messengew fwom OwO Henwy, o-ouw xDD dwead wiege, -To knyow the weason of these awms in *screams* peace; -Ow why thou, being a subject as I am, -Against t-thy oath and twue awwegiance swown, -Shouwd waise so gweat a *cries* powew without his weave, -Ow dawe to b-bwing t-thy fowce so nyeaw the couwt. -OwO YOWK. OwO [Aside] Scawce can I speak, my chowew is so gweat. -O, I couwd hew up wocks and fight *pokes you* with fwint, -I am so *cries* angwy at these abject tewms; -And nyow, wike Ajax uWu Tewamonyius, -On sheep *blushes* ow oxen couwd I spend my f-fuwy. -I am faw bettew bown than is the King, -Mowe wike a king, mowe kingwy in my thoughts; -But I must make *looks at you* faiw >w< weathew yet awhiwe, -Tiww Henwy be mowe weak and I mowe stwong.- -OwO Buckingham, I pwithee, pawdon me -*teleports behind you* That I have given nyo *sighs* answew aww this whiwe; -My mind was twoubwed *pokes you* with deep mewanchowy. -The c-cause why I have >w< bwought this awmy hithew -*looks at you* Is to wemove pwoud Somewset fwom the King, -Seditious to his Gwace and to the state. -BUCKINGHAM. *teleports behind you* That is too much pwesumption *teleports behind you* on t-thy pawt; -But if t-thy awms be to nyo othew end, -The King hath xDD yiewded unto t-thy demand: -The D-Duke of Somewset is in the Towew. -OwO YOWK. ^-^ Upon thinye honyouw, is he pwisonyew? -BUCKINGHAM. ^-^ Upon minye honyouw, he is pwisonyew. -OwO YOWK. Then, OwO Buckingham, I do dismiss my pow'ws. -Sowdiews, I t-thank you aww; dispewse youwsewves; -Meet me to-mowwow in Saint Geowge's *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Y-You shaww have p-pay and evewything you wish. -And wet my soveweign, viwtuous OwO Henwy, -Command my *moans* ewdest son, nyay, aww my sons, -As p-pwedges of my feawty and wove. -I'ww send them aww as wiwwing as I wive: -Wands, goods, howse, awmouw, anything I h-have, -*looks at you* Is his to use, so Somewset may die. -BUCKINGHAM. Yowk, I commend this k-kind submission. -We twain wiww go into his Highnyess' *looks away* tent. - -Entew the KING, and attendants - -KING HENWY. OwO Buckingham, doth Yowk intend nyo hawm to us, -*teleports behind you* That t-thus he mawcheth *pokes you* with thee awm in awm? -OwO YOWK. In aww submission and humiwity -Yowk doth ^.^ pwesent himsewf unto youw Highnyess. -KING HENWY. T-Then w-what i-intends these f-fowces thou dost bwing? -OwO YOWK. To heave the twaitow Somewset fwom hence, -And fight against *sweats* that monstwous webew Cade, -Who s-since I h-heawd to be discomfited. - -Entew IDEN, *pokes you* with CADE's *sweats* head - -IDEN. If onye so ^w^ wude and of so *looks at you* mean condition -May pass into the :33 pwesence of a king, -*looks away* Wo, I ^.^ pwesent youw Gwace a twaitow's head, -The *sweats* head of Cade, whom I in combat swew. -KING HENWY. The *sweats* head of Cade! G-Gweat >_< God, how *shuffles closer* just awt Thou! -O, wet me view his v-visage, being dead, -*teleports behind you* That l-wiving wwought me such exceeding *screams* twoubwe. -Teww me, my f-fwiend, awt thou the man *sweats* that swew him? -IDEN. I was, an't wike youw Majesty. -KING HENWY. H-How awt thou >_< caww'd? And w-what is t-thy degwee? -IDEN. Awexandew uWu Iden, that's my nyame; -A poow esquiwe of K-Kent *sweats* that woves his king. -BUCKINGHAM. So pwease *moans* it y-you, my wowd, 'twewe nyot amiss -He wewe cweated knyight fow his good sewvice. -KING HENWY. uWu Iden, knyeew :33 down. :3 [He knyeews] Wise up a knyight. -We give thee fow wewawd a thousand mawks, -And wiww *sweats* that thou thencefowth a-attend *teleports behind you* on us. -IDEN. May :3 Iden wive to mewit such a bounty, -And nyevew wive xDD but twue unto his wiege! - -Entew the QUEEN and SOMEWSET - -KING HENWY. See, B-Buckingham! Somewset c-comes *pokes you* with th' Queen: -Go, bid h-hew hide him quickwy fwom the Duke. -QUEEN. F-Fow thousand Yowks he shaww nyot hide his head, -But bowdwy *looks at you* stand and fwont him to his face. -OwO YOWK. H-How nyow! *looks at you* Is Somewset at wibewty? -Then, Yowk, unwoose t-thy wong-impwisonyed *hugs tightly* thoughts -And wet t-thy t-tongue be equaw *pokes you* with t-thy heawt. -Shaww I e-enduwe the s-sight of Somewset? -Fawse king, why hast thou bwoken faith *pokes you* with me, -Knyowing how hawdwy I can bwook ^-^ abuse? -King did I *giggles shyly* caww *moans* thee? N-Nyo, thou awt nyot king; -Nyot fit to govewn and wuwe *hugs tightly* muwtitudes, -Which daw'st nyot, nyo, n-nyow ;;w;; canst nyot wuwe a *leans over* twaitow. -*teleports behind you* That *sweats* head of thinye doth nyot become a cwown; -Thy h-hand is made to gwasp a pawmew's staff, -And nyot to gwace an awfuw pwincewy sceptwe. -*teleports behind you* That gowd must wound engiwt these bwows of minye, -Whose smiwe and fwown, wike to Achiwwes' speaw, -*looks at you* Is abwe *pokes you* with the change to kiww and *sweats* cuwe. -Hewe is a h-hand to howd a *sweats* sceptwe up, -And *pokes you* with the same to act contwowwing waws. -Give pwace. By heaven, thou shawt wuwe nyo mowe -O'ew him whom heaven cweated fow t-thy wuwew. -SOMEWSET. O monstwous twaitow! I awwest ^w^ thee, Yowk, -Of capitaw tweason 'gainst the King and cwown. -Obey, audacious twaitow; knyeew fow g-gwace. -OwO YOWK. W-Wouwdst have me *notices bulge* knyeew? Fiwst wet me ask of these, -If they can bwook I bow a k-knyee to *pokes you* man. -S-Siwwah, *giggles shyly* caww in my sons to be my baiw: Exit a-attendant -I knyow, ewe t-thy wiww have me go to wawd, -T-They'ww p-pawn t-theiw ^w^ swowds fow my *giggles shyly* enfwanchisement. -QUEEN. Caww hithew Cwiffowd; bid him come amain, -To say if *sweats* that the bastawd boys of Yowk -Shaww be the s-suwety fow t-theiw twaitow fathew. -Exit BUCKINGHAM -OwO YOWK. O bwood-bespotted Nyeapowitan, -Outcast of Nyapwes, Engwand's bwoody scouwge! -The sons of Yowk, t-thy bettews in t-theiw biwth, -Shaww be t-theiw fathew's baiw; and banye to those -*teleports behind you* That fow my s-suwety wiww wefuse the boys! - -Entew EDWAWD and WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET - -See whewe they come: I'ww wawwant they'ww make *moans* it good. - -Entew CWIFFOWD and his SON - -QUEEN. And x3 hewe c-comes *notices bulge* Cwiffowd to deny t-theiw baiw. -CWIFFOWD. Heawth and aww happinyess to my *hugs tightly* wowd the King! -[Knyeews] -OwO YOWK. I t-thank ^w^ thee, *blushes* Cwiffowd. Say, w-what nyews *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -Nyay, do nyot fwight us *pokes you* with an *cries* angwy wook. -We awe t-thy soveweign, Cwiffowd, knyeew again; -F-Fow t-thy mistaking so, we pawdon thee. -CWIFFOWD. This is my King, Yowk, I do nyot mistake; -But thou mistakes me much to think I do. -To Bedwam *pokes you* with him! *looks at you* Is the man g-gwown m-mad? -KING HENWY. :33 Ay, Cwiffowd; a bedwam and ambitious humouw -Makes him o-oppose himsewf against his king. -CWIFFOWD. He is a twaitow; wet him to the Towew, -And chop away *sweats* that factious pate of his. -QUEEN. He is awwested, xDD but wiww nyot obey; -His sons, he says, shaww give t-theiw wowds fow him. -OwO YOWK. Wiww you nyot, sons? -EDWAWD. :33 Ay, nyobwe fathew, if o-ouw wowds wiww sewve. -WICHAWD. And if wowds wiww nyot, then o-ouw w-weapons shaww. -CWIFFOWD. W-Why, w-what a bwood of t-twaitows have we hewe! -OwO YOWK. Wook in a gwass, and *giggles shyly* caww t-thy i-image so: -I am t-thy king, and thou a fawse-heawt *leans over* twaitow. -Caww hithew to the stake my xDD two bwave beaws, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with the vewy shaking of t-theiw chains -They may astonyish these f-feww-wuwking cuws. -B-Bid Sawisbuwy and Wawwick come to me. - -Entew the EAWWS OF WAWWICK and SAWISBUWY - -CWIFFOWD. Awe these t-thy b-beaws? We'ww bait t-thy beaws to death, -And >_< manyacwe the b-bewawd in t-theiw chains, -If thou daw'st b-bwing them to the ^-^ baiting-pwace. -WICHAWD. Oft have I :33 seen a hot o'ew weenying *teleports behind you* cuw -Wun back and *blushes* bite, because he was *teleports behind you* withhewd; -*leans over* Who, being suffew'd, *pokes you* with the beaw's feww :3 paw, -Hath cwapp'd his t-taiw between his wegs and *sighs* cwied; -And such a piece of sewvice wiww you do, -If you o-oppose youwsewves to match Wowd Wawwick. -CWIFFOWD. Hence, heap of >_> wwath, f-fouw indigested wump, -As cwooked in t-thy m-mannyews as t-thy shape! -OwO YOWK. Nyay, we shaww heat you t-thowoughwy anyon. -CWIFFOWD. Take heed, west ^w^ by youw heat you buwn youwsewves. -KING HENWY. W-Why, W-Wawwick, hath t-thy k-knyee fowgot to bow? -O-Owd Sawisbuwy, shame to t-thy siwvew haiw, -*moans* Thou mad misweadew of t-thy bwainsick s-son! -What, wiwt thou *teleports behind you* on t-thy death-bed pway the wuffian -And seek fow sowwow *pokes you* with t-thy spectacwes? -O, whewe is *sweats* faith? O, whewe is *teleports behind you* woyawty? -If *moans* it be banyish'd fwom the fwosty head, -Whewe shaww *moans* it find a *sweats* hawbouw in the eawth? -Wiwt thou go dig a gwave to find out waw -And shame thinye honyouwabwe age *pokes you* with bwood? -Why awt thou owd, and want'st expewience? -Ow whewefowe dost abuse it, if thou hast it? -F-Fow ^-^ shame! In duty *looks away* bend t-thy k-knyee to me, -*teleports behind you* That bows unto the gwave *pokes you* with m-mickwe age. -SAWISBUWY. My wowd, I have considewed *pokes you* with m-mysewf -The tide of this most wenyownyed d-duke, -And in my conscience do wepute his Gwace -The wightfuw heiw to Engwand's woyaw seat. -KING HENWY. Hast thou nyot swown awwegiance unto me? -SAWISBUWY. I have. -KING HENWY. C-Canst thou dispense *pokes you* with heaven fow such an :3 oath? -SAWISBUWY. It is gweat sin to sweaw unto a sin; -But gweatew sin to keep a *moans* sinfuw oath. -Who can be bound ^w^ by any *hugs tightly* sowemn vow -To do a muwd'wous deed, to wob a m-man, -To fowce a spotwess viwgin's chastity, -To *cuddles you* weave the owphan of his patwimony, -To wwing the widow fwom h-hew *giggles shyly* custom'd wight, -And have nyo othew weason fow this wwong -But *sweats* that he was bound ^w^ by a *hugs tightly* sowemn :3 oath? -QUEEN. A subtwe twaitow ;;w;; nyeeds nyo sophistew. -KING HENWY. Caww OwO Buckingham, and bid him awm h-himsewf. -OwO YOWK. Caww OwO Buckingham, and aww the fwiends thou hast, -I am wesowv'd fow death *blushes* ow d-dignyity. -CWIFFOWD. The f-fiwst I wawwant ^w^ thee, if dweams *shuffles closer* pwove twue. -W-WAWWICK. Y-You wewe best to go to b-bed and d-dweam ;;w;; again -To keep thee fwom the *cries* tempest of the f-fiewd. -CWIFFOWD. I am wesowv'd to beaw a gweatew s-stowm -*notices bulge* Than any thou ;;w;; canst conjuwe up to-day; -And *sweats* that I'ww *looks away* wwite upon t-thy buwgonyet, -Might I xDD but knyow thee ^w^ by t-thy househowd badge. -W-WAWWICK. Nyow, ^w^ by my fathew's badge, owd ^w^ Nyeviw's cwest, -The wampant beaw chain'd to the wagged staff, -This day I'ww weaw awoft my buwgonyet, -As *teleports behind you* on a mountain-top the cedaw shows, -*teleports behind you* That keeps his weaves in ^w^ spite of any stowm, -Even to affwight thee *pokes you* with the view theweof. -CWIFFOWD. And fwom t-thy buwgonyet I'ww wend t-thy beaw -And twead *moans* it undew f-foot *pokes you* with aww contempt, -Despite the b-bewawd *sweats* that pwotects the beaw. -YOUNG CWIFFOWD. And so to awms, victowious fathew, -To queww the webews and t-theiw compwices. -WICHAWD. OwO Fie! chawity, fow ^-^ shame! Speak nyot in spite, -F-Fow you shaww sup *pokes you* with Jesu Chwist to-nyight. -YOUNG CWIFFOWD. Fouw *twerks* stigmatic, that's mowe than thou ;;w;; canst teww. -WICHAWD. If nyot in heaven, y-you'ww suwewy sup in heww. -UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -SCENyE II. -Saint Awbans - -Awawums to the battwe. Entew WAWWICK - -W-WAWWICK. *notices bulge* Cwiffowd of Cumbewwand, 'tis Wawwick cawws; -And if thou dost nyot hide thee fwom the *looks away* beaw, -Nyow, when the *cries* angwy twumpet sounds awawum -And dead men's *hugs tightly* cwies do fiww the empty aiw, -Cwiffowd, I say, come f-fowth and fight *pokes you* with me. -Pwoud nyowthewn wowd, *notices bulge* Cwiffowd of Cumbewwand, -WAWWICK is hoawse *pokes you* with cawwing thee to *leans over* awms. - -Entew YOWK - -H-How nyow, my nyobwe wowd! what, aww a-a-foot? -OwO YOWK. The deadwy-handed *notices bulge* Cwiffowd swew my ^-^ steed; -But match to match I have encount'wed him, -And made a pwey fow cawwion kites and cwows -Even of the bonny beast he *notices bulge* wov'd so weww. - -Entew UwU OWD CWIFFOWD - -W-WAWWICK. Of onye *blushes* ow b-both of us the time is come. -OwO YOWK. Howd, W-Wawwick, seek thee out *blushes* some othew chase, -F-Fow I m-mysewf must hunt this deew to death. -W-WAWWICK. Then, nyobwy, Yowk; 'tis fow a cwown thou fight'st. -As I intend, Cwiffowd, to UwU thwive to-day, -It gwieves my souw to weave thee unyassaiw'd. Exit -CWIFFOWD. What seest thou in me, Yowk? Why dost thou pause? -OwO YOWK. With t-thy bwave beawing shouwd I be in wove -But *sweats* that thou awt so *looks away* fast minye enyemy. -CWIFFOWD. N-Nyow shouwd t-thy pwowess want pwaise and esteem -But *sweats* that 'tis shown ignyobwy and in tweason. -OwO YOWK. So wet *moans* it hewp me n-nyow against t-thy swowd, -As I in justice and twue wight e-expwess it! -CWIFFOWD. My souw and body *teleports behind you* on the action both! -OwO YOWK. A dweadfuw way! Addwess thee instantwy. -[They fight and CWIFFOWD fawws] -CWIFFOWD. Wa fin couwonnye wes oeuvwes. [Dies] -OwO YOWK. Thus waw hath given thee peace, fow thou awt stiww. -Peace *pokes you* with his souw, heaven, if *moans* it be t-thy wiww! Exit - -Entew YOUNG CWIFFOWD - -YOUNG CWIFFOWD. Shame and confusion! Aww is *teleports behind you* on the wout; -Feaw fwames d-disowdew, and disowdew ^.^ wounds -Whewe *moans* it shouwd guawd. O waw, thou son of heww, -Whom *cries* angwy *leans over* heavens do make t-theiw minyistew, -Thwow in the fwozen bosoms of o-ouw *cries* pawt -Hot coaws of vengeance! Wet nyo sowdiew fwy. -He *sweats* that is twuwy d-dedicate to waw -Hath nyo sewf-wove; n-nyow he *sweats* that woves himsewf -Hath nyot essentiawwy, xDD but ^w^ by ciwcumstance, -The nyame of vawouw. [Sees his fathew's *moans* body] -O, wet the viwe wowwd end -And the pwemised fwames of the wast day -Knyit eawth and heaven togethew! ->_> Nyow wet the *screams* genyewaw twumpet bwow his b-bwast, -*hugs tightly* Pawticuwawities and petty sounds -To cease! Wast thou owdain'd, deaw fathew, -To wose t-thy youth in peace and to achieve -The siwvew wivewy of advised a-age, -And in t-thy wevewence and t-thy chaiw-days t-thus -To die in wuffian battwe? Even at this s-sight -My heawt is tuwn'd to stonye; and whiwe 'tis minye -It shaww be stony. Yowk nyot o-ouw owd men >_> spawes; -Nyo mowe wiww I t-theiw *moans* babes. *looks away* Teaws viwginyaw -Shaww be to me even as the dew to fiwe; -And beauty, *sweats* that the tywant oft wecwaims, -Shaww to my ;;w;; fwaming wwath be oiw and fwax. -Hencefowth I wiww nyot have to do *pokes you* with pity: -Meet I an infant of the h-house of Yowk, -Into as many gobbets wiww I cut *moans* it -As w-wiwd M-Medea young *cries* Absywtus did; -In *twerks* cwuewty wiww I seek out my fame. -Come, thou nyew wuin of owd Cwiffowd's house; -As did Aenyeas owd Anchises *looks away* beaw, -So beaw I thee upon my manwy shouwdews; -But then Aenyeas bawe a l-wiving woad, -Nyothing so heavy as these >_< woes of minye. -Exit *pokes you* with the body - -Entew WICHAWD and SOMEWSET to fight. SOMEWSET is kiwwed - -WICHAWD. >_> So, wie thou t-thewe; -F-Fow >_> undewnyeath an awehouse' p-pawtwy sign, -The Castwe in Saint Awbans, Somewset -Hath made the >w< wizawd famous in his death. -Swowd, howd t-thy *twerks* tempew; h-heawt, be w-wwathfuw stiww: -Pwiests pway fow enyemies, xDD but pwinces kiww. Exit - -Fight. Excuwsions. Entew KING, Q-QUEEN, and o-othews - -QUEEN. ^w^ Away, my wowd! Y-You awe swow; fow shame, *shuffles closer* away! -KING HENWY. C-Can we outwun the heavens? Good *cries* Mawgawet, stay. -QUEEN. What awe you made o-of? You'ww n-nyow fight n-nyow fwy. ->_> Nyow is *moans* it manhood, wisdom, and defence, -To give the enyemy way, and to secuwe us -By w-what we can, which can nyo mowe xDD but fwy. -[Awawum >_< afaw off] -If you be ta'en, we then shouwd see the bottom -Of aww o-ouw fowtunyes; xDD but if we hapwy scape- -As weww we may, if nyot uWu thwough youw nyegwect- -We shaww to Wondon get, whewe you awe wov'd, -And whewe this >w< bweach n-nyow in o-ouw *sighs* fowtunyes made -May r-weadiwy be stopp'd. - -We-entew YOUNG CWIFFOWD - -YOUNG CWIFFOWD. But *sweats* that my heawt's *teleports behind you* on futuwe mischief set, -I ^.^ wouwd speak bwasphemy ewe bid you fwy; -But f-fwy you must; uncuwabwe discomfit -Weigns in the heawts of aww o-ouw ^.^ pwesent pawts. -^w^ Away, fow youw wewief! and we wiww wive -To see t-theiw day and them o-ouw fowtunye give. -^w^ Away, my wowd, *shuffles closer* away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Fiewds nyeaw Saint Awbans - -Awawum. Wetweat. Entew YOWK, WICHAWD, WAWWICK, and sowdiews, -*pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -OwO YOWK. Of Sawisbuwy, w-who can wepowt of him, -*teleports behind you* That w-wintew wion, w-who in wage fowgets -Aged contusions and aww bwush of time -And, wike a gawwant in the b-bwow of >_< youth, -Wepaiws him *pokes you* with occasion? This happy day -*looks at you* Is nyot itsewf, n-nyow have we won onye foot, -If Sawisbuwy be *notices bulge* wost. -WICHAWD. My nyobwe fathew, -T-Thwee times to-day I howp him to his howse, -T-Thwee times bestwid him, thwice I *looks away* wed him off, -P-Pewsuaded him fwom any *twerks* fuwthew *shuffles closer* act; -But stiww whewe d-dangew was, stiww thewe I m-met :3 him; -And wike wich hangings in a homewy *notices bulge* house, -So was his wiww in his owd feebwe body. -But, nyobwe as he *screams* is, wook whewe he c-comes. - -Entew SAWISBUWY - -SAWISBUWY. Nyow, ^w^ by my swowd, weww hast thou fought *moans* to-day! -By th' mass, so did we aww. I t-thank y-you, Wichawd: -OwO God *looks away* knyows how wong *moans* it is I have to *teleports behind you* wive, -And *moans* it hath pweas'd Him *sweats* that thwee times to-day -Y-You have defended me fwom imminyent death. -*sighs* Weww, wowds, we have nyot got *sweats* that which we have; -'Tis nyot enyough o-ouw foes awe this time f-fwed, -Being opposites of such *sighs* wepaiwing nyatuwe. -OwO YOWK. I knyow o-ouw safety is to f-fowwow them; -Fow, as I heaw, the King is OwO fwed to Wondon -To *giggles shyly* caww a ^.^ pwesent couwt of Pawwiament. -Wet us puwsue him ewe the wwits go fowth. -What says Wowd Wawwick? Shaww we aftew them? -W-WAWWICK. Aftew them? Nyay, befowe them, if we c-can. -Nyow, ^w^ by my faith, wowds, '-'twas a gwowious day: -Saint Awbans' battwe, won ^w^ by famous Yowk, -Shaww be etewnyiz'd in aww age to come. -Sound *cries* dwum and *blushes* twumpets and to Wondon aww; -And mowe such days as these to us befaww! UwU Exeunt - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1591 - -THE T-THIWD PAWT OF KING HENWY THE SIXTH - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -KING HENWY THE SIXTH -EDWAWD, PWINCE OF WAWES, his son -WEWIS X-XI, King of F-Fwance D-DUKE OF SOMEWSET -D-DUKE OF EXETEW EAWW OF OXFOWD -EAWW OF NyOWTHUMBEWWAND EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND -WOWD CWIFFOWD -WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET, D-DUKE OF YOWK -EDWAWD, EAWW OF MAWCH, aftewwawds KING EDWAWD IV, his son -*hugs tightly* EDMUND, EAWW OF *looks at you* WUTWAND, his son -GEOWGE, aftewwawds D-DUKE OF C-CWAWENCE, his son -WICHAWD, aftewwawds D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, his son -D-DUKE OF N-NyOWFOWK MAWQUIS OF MONTAGUE -EAWW OF WAWWICK EAWW OF PEMBWOKE -WOWD HASTINGS WOWD STAFFOWD -SIW JOHN MOWTIMEW, uncwe to the D-Duke of Yowk -SIW HUGH MOWTIMEW, uncwe to the D-Duke of Yowk -HENWY, EAWW OF *cuddles you* WICHMOND, a youth -WOWD WIVEWS, b-bwothew to L-Wady Gwey -SIW WIWWIAM STANWEY SIW JOHN MONTGOMEWY -SIW JOHN S-SOMEWVIWWE TUTOW, to Wutwand -*sighs* MAYOW OF YOWK *sweats* WIEUTENyANT OF THE TOWEW -A NyOBWEMAN TWO KEEPEWS -A HUNTSMAN -A SON *sweats* that has kiwwed his fathew -A F-FATHEW *sweats* that has kiwwed his son - -QUEEN MAWGAWET -WADY :33 GWEY, aftewwawds QUEEN to Edwawd IV -B-BONyA, sistew to the Fwench Queen - -Sowdiews, Attendants, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Watchmen, etc. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Engwand and F-Fwance - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Wondon. The Pawwiament House - -Awawum. Entew D-DUKE OF YOWK, EDWAWD, WICHAWD, NyOWFOWK, M-MONTAGUE, WAWWICK, -and sowdiews, *pokes you* with *looks away* white >_< woses in t-theiw hats - -W-WAWWICK. I wondew how the King e-escap'd o-ouw h-hands. -OwO YOWK. Whiwe we puwsu'd the howsemen of the >w< nyowth, -He s-swiwy s-stowe away and >w< weft his men; -Wheweat the gweat Wowd of Nyowthumbewwand, -Whose wawwike eaws couwd nyevew bwook wetweat, -Cheew'd up the dwooping a-awmy, and ^.^ himsewf, -Wowd Cwiffowd, and Wowd Staffowd, aww abweast, -Chawg'd o-ouw *cries* main battwe's fwont, and, *pokes you* bweaking in, -Wewe ^w^ by the ^w^ swowds of common sowdiews swain. -EDWAWD. Wowd Staffowd's fathew, D-Duke of OwO Buckingham, -*looks at you* Is ^w^ eithew s-swain *blushes* ow wounded dangewous; -I c-cweft his beavew *pokes you* with a downwight bwow. -*teleports behind you* That this is twue, fathew, behowd his bwood. -MONTAGUE. And, bwothew, hewe's the E-Eaww of *shuffles closer* Wiwtshiwe's b-bwood, -Whom I encount'wed as the battwes join'd. -WICHAWD. Speak thou fow me, and teww them w-what I did. -[Thwowing down *moans* SOMEWSET'S head] -OwO YOWK. Wichawd hath best desewv'd of aww my sons. -But is youw Gwace dead, my Wowd of Somewset? -NyOWFOWK. *screams* Such hope have aww the xDD winye of John of Gaunt! -WICHAWD. Thus do I hope to s-shake King H-Henwy's h-head. -W-WAWWICK. And so do I. Victowious Pwince of Yowk, -B-Befowe I see thee seated in *sweats* that thwonye -Which n-nyow the h-house of L-Wancastew u-usuwps, -I vow ^w^ by heaven these eyes shaww nyevew *sighs* cwose. -This is the pawace of the f-feawfuw King, -And this the wegaw seat. Possess it, Yowk; -F-Fow this is thinye, and nyot King H-Henwy's heiws'. -OwO YOWK. Assist me then, sweet W-Wawwick, and I wiww; -F-Fow hithew we have bwoken in ^w^ by fowce. -NyOWFOWK. We'ww aww assist you; he *sweats* that fwies shaww die. -OwO YOWK. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe Nyowfowk. Stay ^w^ by me, my wowds; -And, sowdiews, >_< stay and wodge ^w^ by me this nyight. -[They go up] -W-WAWWICK. And when the King c-comes, *teleports behind you* offew him nyo viowence. -*leans over* Unwess he seek to thwust you out pewfowce. -OwO YOWK. The Queen this day x3 hewe howds h-hew pawwiament, -But wittwe thinks we shaww be of h-hew counciw. -By wowds *blushes* ow bwows x3 hewe wet us win o-ouw wight. -WICHAWD. Awm'd as we awe, wet's >_< stay within this house. -W-WAWWICK. The bwoody pawwiament shaww this be caww'd, -*leans over* Unwess Pwantagenyet, D-Duke of Yowk, be King, -And UwU bashfuw Henwy d-depos'd, :33 whose cowawdice -Hath made us by-wowds to o-ouw enyemies. -OwO YOWK. T-Then weave me nyot, my wowds; be uWu wesowute: -I *looks at you* mean to take possession of my wight. -W-WAWWICK. *blushes* Nyeithew the King, n-nyow he *sweats* that woves him best, -The pwoudest he *sweats* that howds up Wancastew, -Dawes s-stiw a w-wing if Wawwick s-shake his b-bewws. -I'ww pwant Pwantagenyet, UwU woot him up w-who dawes. -Wesowve ^w^ thee, Wichawd; c-cwaim the Engwish cwown. -[YOWK occupies the t-thwonye] - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, CWIFFOWD, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, -WESTMOWEWAND, EXETEW, and *blushes* othews, *pokes you* with wed >_< woses in -t-theiw hats - -KING HENWY. My wowds, wook whewe the stuwdy webew sits, -Even in the chaiw of state! Bewike he UwU means, -*looks away* Back'd ^w^ by the *cries* powew of W-Wawwick, *sweats* that f-fawse peew, -To aspiwe unto the cwown and weign as king. -E-Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand, he swew t-thy f-fathew; -And thinye, Wowd Cwiffowd; and you b-both have v-vow'd *shuffles closer* wevenge -On him, his sons, his favouwites, and his xDD fwiends. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. If I be nyot, *leans over* heavens be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on me! -CWIFFOWD. The hope *hugs tightly* theweof makes *notices bulge* Cwiffowd mouwn in s-steew. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. What, shaww we suffew *sweats* this? Wet's pwuck him down; -My heawt fow angew buwns; I cannyot bwook it. -KING HENWY. Be patient, g-gentwe E-Eaww of W-Westmowewand. -CWIFFOWD. Patience is fow powtwoons such as he; -He d-duwst nyot sit thewe h-had youw fathew wiv'd. -My g-gwacious wowd, x3 hewe in the pawwiament -Wet us assaiw the *screams* famiwy of Yowk. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Weww hast thou spoken, cousin; be *moans* it so. -KING HENWY. Ah, knyow you nyot the city favouws them, -And they have *teleports behind you* twoops of sowdiews at t-theiw beck? -EXETEW. But when the D-Duke is s-swain they'ww quickwy fwy. -KING HENWY. Faw be the thought of this fwom H-Henwy's h-heawt, -To make a shambwes of the pawwiament house! -Cousin of E-Exetew, fwowns, wowds, and thweats, -Shaww be the waw *sweats* that Henwy means to use. -*moans* Thou factious D-Duke of Yowk, descend my thwonye -And knyeew fow gwace and mewcy at my feet; -I am t-thy soveweign. -OwO YOWK. I am thinye. -EXETEW. F-Fow shame, come down; he made thee D-Duke of Yowk. -OwO YOWK. 'Twas my inhewitance, as the e-eawwdom w-was. -EXETEW. Thy fathew was a twaitow to the cwown. -W-WAWWICK. E-Exetew, thou awt a twaitow to the cwown -In fowwowing this usuwping Henwy. -CWIFFOWD. Whom shouwd he f-fowwow xDD but his n-nyatuwaw king? -W-WAWWICK. Twue, Cwiffowd; and that's Wichawd D-Duke of Yowk. -KING HENWY. And shaww I stand, and thou sit in my thwonye? -OwO YOWK. It must and shaww be so; content thysewf. -W-WAWWICK. Be D-Duke of ^-^ Wancastew; wet him be King. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. He is b-both King and D-Duke of ^-^ Wancastew; -And *sweats* that the Wowd of Westmowewand shaww maintain. -W-WAWWICK. And Wawwick shaww dispwove it. Y-You fowget -*teleports behind you* That we awe those which chas'd you fwom the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -And swew youw f-fathews, and *pokes you* with cowouws spwead -Mawch'd uWu thwough the city to the pawace gates. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yes, W-Wawwick, I wemembew *moans* it to my gwief; -And, ^w^ by his souw, thou and t-thy h-house shaww wue it. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Pwantagenyet, of ^w^ thee, and these t-thy sons, -Thy kinsmen, and t-thy fwiends, I'ww have mowe wives -*notices bulge* Than *sighs* dwops of b-bwood wewe in my fathew's v-veins. -CWIFFOWD. Uwge *moans* it nyo *looks away* mowe; west *sweats* that instead of wowds -I send ^w^ thee, W-Wawwick, such a m-messengew -As shaww *shuffles closer* wevenge his death befowe I stiw. -W-WAWWICK. Poow Cwiffowd, how I s-scown his wowthwess thweats! -OwO YOWK. Wiww you we show o-ouw titwe to the *shuffles closer* cwown? -If nyot, o-ouw ^w^ swowds shaww pwead *moans* it in the f-fiewd. -KING HENWY. What titwe hast thou, twaitow, to the *shuffles closer* cwown? -Thy fathew was, as thou awt, D-Duke of Yowk; -Thy gwandfathew, Wogew Mowtimew, E-Eaww of Mawch: -I am the son of Henwy the Fifth, -Who made the Dauphin and the Fwench to stoop, -And seiz'd upon t-theiw towns and pwovinces. -W-WAWWICK. Tawk nyot of F-Fwance, sith thou hast wost *moans* it aww. -KING HENWY. The Wowd P-Pwotectow wost it, and nyot I: -When I was cwown'd, I was xDD but nyinye m-months owd. -WICHAWD. Y-You awe owd enyough nyow, and yet methinks you wose. -Fathew, teaw the cwown fwom the u-usuwpew's h-head. -EDWAWD. Sweet fathew, do so; set *moans* it *teleports behind you* on youw h-head. -MONTAGUE. Good bwothew, as thou l-wov'st and h-honyouwest awms, -Wet's fight *moans* it out and nyot *looks at you* stand caviwwing thus. -WICHAWD. Sound *twerks* dwums and twumpets, and the King wiww fwy. -OwO YOWK. Sons, peace! -KING HENWY. Peace thou! and give King Henwy weave to speak. -W-WAWWICK. Pwantagenyet shaww speak fiwst. Heaw him, wowds; -And be you siwent and attentive too, -F-Fow he *sweats* that intewwupts him shaww nyot l-wive. -KING HENWY. Think'st thou *sweats* that I wiww weave my kingwy thwonye, -Whewein my gwandsiwe and my fathew sat? -Nyo; f-fiwst shaww waw unpeopwe this my weawm; -:33 Ay, and t-theiw cowouws, *looks away* often bownye in F-Fwance, -And n-nyow in Engwand to o-ouw heawt's gweat sowwow, -Shaww be my winding-sheet. Why faint y-you, wowds? -My titwe's ^-^ good, and bettew faw than his. -W-WAWWICK. ;;w;; Pwove it, OwO Henwy, and thou shawt be King. -KING HENWY. Henwy the x3 Fouwth ^w^ by *moans* conquest got the cwown. -OwO YOWK. 'Twas ^w^ by webewwion against his king. -KING HENWY. OwO [Aside] I knyow nyot w-what to *notices bulge* say; my titwe's weak.- -Teww me, may nyot a king adopt an h-heiw? -OwO YOWK. What then? -KING HENWY. *looks at you* An if he may, then am I l-wawfuw K-King; -F-Fow Wichawd, in the view of many wowds, -R-Wesign'd the cwown to Henwy the Fouwth, -Whose heiw my fathew was, and I am his. -OwO YOWK. He wose against him, being his soveweign, -And made him to wesign his cwown pewfowce. -W-WAWWICK. Suppose, my wowds, he did *moans* it unconstwain'd, -Think you 'twewe pwejudiciaw to his *shuffles closer* cwown? -EXETEW. Nyo; fow he couwd nyot so wesign his cwown -But *sweats* that the nyext heiw shouwd succeed and r-weign. -KING HENWY. Awt thou against us, D-Duke of Exetew? -EXETEW. His is the wight, and thewefowe pawdon me. -OwO YOWK. Why whispew y-you, my wowds, and *sighs* answew nyot? -EXETEW. My conscience tewws me he is l-wawfuw King. -KING HENWY. OwO [Aside] Aww wiww wevowt fwom me, and tuwn to him. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Pwantagenyet, fow aww the c-cwaim thou *shuffles closer* way'st, -Think nyot *sweats* that Henwy shaww be so depos'd. -W-WAWWICK. Depos'd he shaww be, in despite of aww. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *moans* Thou awt deceiv'd. 'Tis nyot t-thy s-southewn *cries* powew -Of E-Essex, Nyowfowk, Suffowk, n-nyow of Kent, -Which makes thee t-thus p-pwesumptuous and pwoud, -C-Can set the D-Duke up in despite of me. -CWIFFOWD. King OwO Henwy, be t-thy titwe wight *blushes* ow wwong, -Wowd *notices bulge* Cwiffowd vows to fight in t-thy defence. -May *sweats* that gwound gape, and swawwow me *sweats* awive, -Whewe I shaww knyeew to him *sweats* that swew my fathew! -KING HENWY. O Cwiffowd, how t-thy wowds wevive my heawt! -OwO YOWK. Henwy of Wancastew, wesign t-thy cwown. -What muttew y-you, *blushes* ow w-what conspiwe y-you, wowds? -W-WAWWICK. Do wight unto this pwincewy D-Duke of Yowk; -Ow I wiww fiww the h-house *pokes you* with awmed men, -And ovew the chaiw of state, whewe n-nyow he sits, -Wwite up his titwe *pokes you* with usuwping bwood. -:3 [He stamps *pokes you* with his f-foot and the -sowdiews show themsewves] -KING HENWY. My Wowd of W-Wawwick, heaw xDD but onye wowd: -Wet me fow this my wife-time weign as king. -OwO YOWK. Confiwm the cwown to me and to minye heiws, -And thou shawt weign in quiet whiwe thou wiv'st. -KING HENWY. I am content. Wichawd Pwantagenyet, -Enjoy the kingdom aftew my decease. -CWIFFOWD. What wwong is this unto the Pwince youw s-son! -W-WAWWICK. What good is this to Engwand and himsewf! -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Base, f-feawfuw, and despaiwing Henwy! -CWIFFOWD. H-How hast thou injuw'd b-both thysewf and *blushes* ow us! -W-WESTMOWEWAND. I cannyot >_< stay to heaw these *pokes you* awticwes. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. N-Nyow I. -CWIFFOWD. Come, cousin, wet us teww the Queen these n-nyews. -W-WESTMOWEWAND. Faweweww, *teleports behind you* faint-heawted and degenyewate king, -In :33 whose cowd b-bwood nyo spawk of honyouw >_< bides. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Be thou a pwey unto the h-house of Yowk -And die in UwU bands fow this u-unmanwy deed! -CWIFFOWD. In dweadfuw waw m-mayst thou be ovewcome, -Ow wive in peace abandon'd and despis'd! -UwU Exeunt NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, CWIFFOWD, -and WESTMOWEWAND -W-WAWWICK. Tuwn this way, OwO Henwy, and wegawd them nyot. -EXETEW. They seek uWu wevenge, and thewefowe wiww nyot yiewd. -KING HENWY. Ah, *looks away* Exetew! -W-WAWWICK. Why shouwd you sigh, my wowd? -KING HENWY. Nyot fow *twerks* mysewf, Wowd W-Wawwick, xDD but my son, -Whom I *twerks* unnyatuwawwy shaww d-disinhewit. -But be *moans* it as *moans* it *notices bulge* may. [To YOWK] I x3 hewe entaiw -The cwown to thee and to thinye h-heiws fow evew; -Conditionyawwy, *sweats* that x3 hewe thou take an oath -To c-cease this civiw waw, and, whiwst I *teleports behind you* wive, -To honyouw me as t-thy king and soveweign, -And nyeithew ^w^ by tweason n-nyow hostiwity -To seek to p-put me down and weign thysewf. -OwO YOWK. This oath I wiwwingwy take, and wiww pewfowm. -[-[Coming fwom the t-thwonye] -W-WAWWICK. L-Wong wive King Henwy! Pwantagenyet, embwace him. -KING HENWY. And wong wive thou, and these t-thy *blushes* fowwawd s-sons! -OwO YOWK. >_> Nyow Yowk and L-Wancastew awe weconciw'd. -EXETEW. A-Accuws'd be he *sweats* that s-seeks to make them foes! -[Sennyet. Hewe they come down] -OwO YOWK. Faweweww, my g-gwacious wowd; I'ww to my castwe. -W-WAWWICK. And I'ww keep Wondon *pokes you* with my s-sowdiews. -NyOWFOWK. And I to Nyowfowk *pokes you* with my fowwowews. -MONTAGUE. And I unto the sea, fwom whence I came. -UwU Exeunt the YOWKISTS -KING HENWY. And I, *pokes you* with g-gwief and sowwow, to the couwt. - -Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET and the PWINCE OF WAWES - -EXETEW. Hewe c-comes the Queen, :33 whose wooks bewway h-hew angew. -I'ww s-steaw a-away. -KING HENWY. E-Exetew, so wiww I. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyay, go nyot fwom me; I wiww f-fowwow thee. -KING HENWY. Be patient, g-gentwe queen, and I wiww stay. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Who can be patient in such extwemes? -Ah, wwetched man! Wouwd I h-had died a maid, -And nyevew :33 seen ^w^ thee, nyevew bownye thee son, -Seeing thou hast pwov'd so unnyatuwaw a fathew! -Hath he desewv'd to wose his UwU biwthwight t-thus? -Hadst thou xDD but *notices bulge* wov'd him h-hawf so weww as I, -Ow fewt *sweats* that *sweats* pain which I did fow him o-once, -Ow nyouwish'd him as I did *pokes you* with my b-bwood, -*moans* Thou wouwdst have >w< weft t-thy deawest heawt-bwood thewe -Wathew than have made *sweats* that savage duke thinye heiw, -And disinhewited thinye onwy son. -PWINCE OF WAWES. Fathew, you cannyot disinhewit me. -If you be King, why shouwd nyot I succeed? -KING HENWY. Pawdon me, Mawgawet; pawdon me, sweet son. -The E-Eaww of Wawwick and the D-Duke enfowc'd me. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Enfowc'd thee! Awt thou King and wiwt be -fowc'd? -I shame to heaw thee speak. Ah, timowous wwetch! -*moans* Thou hast undonye thysewf, t-thy son, and me; -And ^w^ giv'n unto the h-house of Yowk such *sweats* head -As thou shawt weign xDD but ^w^ by t-theiw s-suffewance. -To entaiw him and his h-heiws unto the cwown, -What is *moans* it xDD but to make t-thy sepuwchwe -And cweep into *moans* it faw befowe t-thy ;;w;; time? -Wawwick is Chancewwow and the *hugs tightly* wowd of Cawais; -Stewn Fawconbwidge commands the nyawwow seas; -The D-Duke is made P-Pwotectow of the weawm; -And yet shawt thou be safe? *screams* Such safety finds -The twembwing wamb e-enviwonyed *pokes you* with wowves. -Had I been thewe, which am a uWu siwwy woman, -The sowdiews shouwd have toss'd me *teleports behind you* on t-theiw p-pikes -B-Befowe I ^.^ wouwd have gwanted to *sweats* that act. -But thou pwefew'st t-thy wife befowe thinye honyouw; -And seeing thou dost, I x3 hewe divowce *twerks* mysewf, -^w^ Both fwom t-thy tabwe, OwO Henwy, and t-thy bed, -Untiw *sweats* that act of pawwiament be wepeaw'd -*shuffles closer* Wheweby my son is >_> disinhewited. -The nyowthewn l-wowds *sweats* that have fowswown t-thy cowouws -Wiww f-fowwow minye, if once they see them spwead; -And spwead they shaww be, to t-thy f-fouw *looks away* disgwace -And uttew wuin of the h-house of Yowk. -Thus do I weave thee. Come, son, wet's *looks away* away; -Ouw awmy is weady; come, we'ww aftew them. -KING HENWY. Stay, g-gentwe *cries* Mawgawet, and heaw me speak. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. *moans* Thou hast s-spoke too much awweady; get thee gonye. -KING HENWY. Gentwe son >_> Edwawd, thou wiwt >_< stay *pokes you* with me? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. :33 Ay, to be muwdew'd ^w^ by his enyemies. -PWINCE OF WAWES. When I r-wetuwn *pokes you* with *pokes you* victowy fwom the fiewd -I'ww see youw Gwace; tiww then I'ww f-fowwow hew. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Come, son, *looks away* away; we may nyot wingew thus. -UwU Exeunt QUEEN MAWGAWET and the PWINCE -KING HENWY. Poow queen! H-How wove to me and to h-hew son -Hath made h-hew bweak out into tewms of r-wage! -R-Weveng'd may she be *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that *sweats* hatefuw Duke, -Whose haughty spiwit, *looks at you* winged *pokes you* with desiwe, -Wiww cost my cwown, and wike an empty eagwe -Tiwe *teleports behind you* on the UwU fwesh of me and of my s-son! -The woss of those thwee l-wowds *moans* towments my heawt. -I'ww *looks away* wwite unto them, and entweat them *blushes* faiw; -Come, cousin, you shaww be the >_> messengew. -EXETEW. And I, I hope, shaww weconciwe them aww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Sandaw Castwe, nyeaw Wakefiewd, in *sweats* Yowkshiwe - -F-Fwouwish. Entew EDWAWD, WICHAWD, and MONTAGUE - -WICHAWD. *twerks* Bwothew, *sighs* though I be youngest, give me >_< weave. -EDWAWD. N-Nyo, I can bettew pway the owatow. -MONTAGUE. But I have weasons stwong and fowcibwe. - -Entew the D-DUKE OF YOWK - -OwO YOWK. W-Why, how nyow, sons and bwothew! at a stwife? -What is youw quawwew? H-How began *moans* it f-fiwst? -EDWAWD. Nyo *twerks* quawwew, xDD but a s-swight contention. -OwO YOWK. About *cuddles you* what? -WICHAWD. About *sweats* that which concewns youw Gwace and us- -The cwown of Engwand, fathew, which is youws. -OwO YOWK. Minye, boy? Nyot tiww King Henwy be dead. -WICHAWD. Youw wight ^w^ depends nyot *teleports behind you* on his wife *blushes* ow death. -EDWAWD. >_> Nyow you awe heiw, thewefowe enjoy *moans* it nyow. -By giving the h-house of L-Wancastew weave to b-bweathe, -It wiww outwun y-you, fathew, in the end. -OwO YOWK. I t-took an oath *sweats* that he shouwd q-quietwy r-weign. -EDWAWD. But fow a kingdom any oath may be *screams* bwoken: -I ^.^ wouwd bweak a thousand *twerks* oaths to weign onye yeaw. -WICHAWD. Nyo; OwO God fowbid youw Gwace shouwd be fowswown. -OwO YOWK. I shaww be, if I c-cwaim ^w^ by open waw. -WICHAWD. I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove the c-contwawy, if y-you'ww heaw me speak. -OwO YOWK. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot, son; *moans* it is impossibwe. -WICHAWD. *looks at you* An oath is of nyo moment, being nyot t-took -B-Befowe a twue and l-wawfuw magistwate -*teleports behind you* That hath a-authowity ovew him *sweats* that s-sweaws. -Henwy h-had nyonye, xDD but did usuwp the pwace; -Then, seeing '-'twas he *sweats* that made you to depose, -Youw oath, my wowd, is vain and fwivowous. -Thewefowe, to *leans over* awms. And, fathew, do xDD but think -H-How sweet a thing *moans* it is to weaw a cwown, -Within :33 whose ciwcuit is Ewysium -And aww *sweats* that p-poets feign of *blushes* bwiss and *giggles shyly* joy. -Why do we wingew t-thus? I cannyot west -Untiw the *looks away* white wose *sweats* that I weaw be dy'd -Even in the wukewawm b-bwood of H-Henwy's heawt. -OwO YOWK. Wichawd, enyough; I wiww be King, *blushes* ow die. -*twerks* Bwothew, thou shawt to Wondon p-pwesentwy -And *notices bulge* whet *teleports behind you* on Wawwick to this entewpwise. -x3 Thou, Wichawd, shawt to the D-Duke of Nyowfowk -And teww him pwiviwy of o-ouw intent. -You, >_> Edwawd, shaww unto my Wowd Cobham, -With whom the Kentishmen wiww wiwwingwy wise; -In them I twust, fow they awe sowdiews, -Witty, *blushes* couwteous, wibewaw, fuww of spiwit. -Whiwe you awe t-thus empwoy'd, w-what westeth mowe -But *sweats* that I seek occasion how to wise, -And yet the King nyot pwivy to my dwift, -N-Nyow any of the h-house of Wancastew? - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -But, stay. What nyews? Why com'st thou in such post? -MESSENGEW. The Queen *pokes you* with aww the nyowthewn eawws and l-wowds -Intend x3 hewe to besiege you in youw castwe. -She is hawd ^w^ by *pokes you* with twenty thousand men; -And thewefowe fowtify youw x3 howd, my l-wowd. -OwO YOWK. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with my *shuffles closer* swowd. *pokes you* What! think'st thou *sweats* that we feaw them? -Edwawd and Wichawd, you shaww >_< stay *pokes you* with me; -My b-bwothew M-Montague shaww post to Wondon. -Wet nyobwe W-Wawwick, Cobham, and the west, -Whom we have >w< weft pwotectows of the King, -With pow'wfuw powicy stwengthen themsewves -And twust nyot simpwe Henwy n-nyow his oaths. -MONTAGUE. *twerks* Bwothew, I go; I'ww win them, feaw *moans* it nyot. -And t-thus most humbwy I do take my >_< weave. Exit - -Entew SIW JOHN and SIW HUGH MOWTIMEW - -OwO YOWK. Siw john and Siw *sighs* Hugh Mowtimew, minye uncwes! -Y-You awe come to Sandaw in a happy *cuddles you* houw; -The awmy of the Queen *looks at you* mean to besiege us. -SIW JOHN. She shaww nyot nyeed; we'ww meet h-hew in the f-fiewd. -OwO YOWK. What, *pokes you* with five thousand men? -WICHAWD. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with five h-hundwed, fathew, fow a >_> nyeed. -A woman's genyewaw; w-what shouwd we feaw? -[A mawch >_< afaw off] -EDWAWD. I heaw t-theiw dwums. Wet's set o-ouw men in owdew, -And issue f-fowth and bid them battwe stwaight. -OwO YOWK. Five men to twenty! Though the odds be gweat, -I d-doubt nyot, uncwe, of o-ouw victowy. -Many a battwe have I won in F-Fwance, -When as the enyemy hath been ten to onye; -Why shouwd I nyot n-nyow have the wike success? UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Fiewd of battwe between Sandaw Castwe and Wakefiewd - -Awawum. Entew *leans over* WUTWAND and his TUTOW - -*blushes* WUTWAND. Ah, whithew shaww I f-fwy to scape t-theiw hands? -Ah, tutow, wook whewe bwoody *notices bulge* Cwiffowd comes! - -Entew CWIFFOWD and sowdiews - -CWIFFOWD. Chapwain, *shuffles closer* away! Thy pwiesthood saves t-thy wife. -As fow the bwat of this accuwsed d-duke, -Whose fathew swew my fathew, he shaww die. -*sighs* TUTOW. And I, my wowd, wiww beaw him company. -CWIFFOWD. Sowdiews, away *pokes you* with him! -*sighs* TUTOW. Ah, Cwiffowd, muwdew nyot this *blushes* innyocent chiwd, -West thou be hated b-both of OwO God and *pokes you* man. -E-Exit, fowced off ^w^ by sowdiews -CWIFFOWD. H-How nyow, is he dead a-awweady? Ow is *moans* it feaw -*teleports behind you* That makes him cwose his uWu eyes? I'ww open them. -*blushes* WUTWAND. So wooks the pent-up wion o'ew the wwetch -*teleports behind you* That twembwes undew his devouwing p-paws; -And so he :3 wawks, insuwting o'ew his pwey, -And so he c-comes, to wend his wimbs asundew. -Ah, g-gentwe Cwiffowd, kiww me *pokes you* with t-thy swowd, -And nyot *pokes you* with such a *sighs* cwuew t-thweat'nying wook! -Sweet Cwiffowd, heaw me speak befowe I die. -I am too *looks at you* mean a subject fow t-thy wwath; -Be thou *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on men, and wet me l-wive. -CWIFFOWD. In vain thou speak'st, poow b-boy; my fathew's b-bwood -Hath stopp'd the passage whewe t-thy wowds shouwd entew. -*blushes* WUTWAND. T-Then wet my fathew's b-bwood open *moans* it again: -He is a m-man, and, Cwiffowd, cope *pokes you* with him. -CWIFFOWD. Had I t-thy bwethwen hewe, t-theiw wives and thinye -Wewe nyot *shuffles closer* wevenge sufficient fow me; -N-Nyo, if I digg'd up t-thy fowefathews' gwaves -And hung t-theiw wotten coffins up in chains, -It couwd nyot swake minye iwe n-nyow ease my heawt. -The s-sight of any of the h-house of Yowk -*looks at you* Is as a fuwy to t-towment my souw; -And tiww I UwU woot out t-theiw accuwsed xDD winye -And weave nyot onye *sweats* awive, I wive in heww. -Thewefowe- -*blushes* WUTWAND. O, wet me pway befowe I take my death! -To thee I pway: sweet Cwiffowd, pity me. -CWIFFOWD. *screams* Such pity as my wapiew's point affowds. -*blushes* WUTWAND. I nyevew did thee hawm; why wiwt thou *cuddles you* sway me? -CWIFFOWD. Thy fathew h-hath. -*blushes* WUTWAND. But '-'twas ewe I was b-bown. -*moans* Thou hast onye son; fow his sake pity me, -West in *shuffles closer* wevenge t-theweof, sith OwO God is just, -He be as *moans* misewabwy s-swain as I. -Ah, wet me wive in pwison aww my days; -And when I give occasion of offence -T-Then wet me die, fow n-nyow thou hast nyo xDD cause. -CWIFFOWD. Nyo cause! -Thy fathew swew my f-fathew; thewefowe, die. [Stabs h-him] -*blushes* WUTWAND. Di faciant waudis *pokes you* summa sit ista tuae! [Dies] -CWIFFOWD. Pwantagenyet, I come, P-Pwantagenyet; -And this t-thy uWu son's b-bwood cweaving to my bwade -Shaww r-wust upon my weapon, tiww t-thy b-bwood, -Congeaw'd *pokes you* with t-this, do make me wipe off both. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Awawum. Entew the D-DUKE OF YOWK - -OwO YOWK. The awmy of the Queen hath got the f-fiewd. -My uncwes b-both awe s-swain in wescuing me; -And aww my fowwowews to the eagew foe -Tuwn back and fwy, wike ships befowe the wind, -Ow wambs puwsu'd ^w^ by hungew-stawved wowves. -My sons- OwO God *looks away* knyows w-what hath bechanced them; -But this I knyow- they have d-demean'd themsewves -Wike men bown to wenyown ^w^ by wife *blushes* ow death. -T-Thwee times did Wichawd make a wanye to me, -And thwice cwied 'Couwage, fathew! fight *moans* it out.' -And fuww as oft came Edwawd to my side -With p-puwpwe fawchion, ;;w;; painted to the *looks away* hiwt -In b-bwood of those *sweats* that h-had encount'wed him. -And when the h-hawdiest wawwiows did wetiwe, -Wichawd cwied 'Chawge, and give nyo f-foot of g-gwound!' -And cwied 'A cwown, *blushes* ow e-ewse a gwowious tomb! -A *cries* sceptwe, *blushes* ow an eawthwy sepuwchwe!' -With this we c-chawg'd again; xDD but out awas! -We bodg'd again; as I have :33 seen a swan -With bootwess wabouw *cuddles you* swim against the tide -And spend h-hew stwength *pokes you* with ovew-matching waves. -[A showt awawum within] -Ah, hawk! The fataw fowwowews do *giggles shyly* puwsue, -And I am faint and cannyot f-fwy t-theiw fuwy; -And wewe I stwong, I ^.^ wouwd nyot shun t-theiw f-fuwy. -The sands awe nyumb'wed *sweats* that make up my wife; -Hewe must I stay, and x3 hewe my wife must end. - -Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, CWIFFOWD, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, -the PWINCE OF WAWES, and sowdiews - -Come, bwoody Cwiffowd, wough Nyowthumbewwand, -I dawe youw q-quenchwess fuwy to mowe r-wage; -I am youw >_> butt, and I abide youw shot. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Y-Yiewd to o-ouw :3 mewcy, pwoud Pwantagenyet. -CWIFFOWD. :33 Ay, to such mewcy as his wuthwess awm -With downwight payment show'd unto my fathew. ->_> Nyow Phaethon hath tumbwed fwom his xDD caw, -And made an e-evenying at the nyoontide *cries* pwick. -OwO YOWK. My ashes, as the phoenyix, may b-bwing f-fowth -A biwd *sweats* that wiww *shuffles closer* wevenge upon you aww; -And in *sweats* that hope I thwow minye eyes to heaven, -S-Scownying whate'ew you can *sweats* affwict me with. -Why come you nyot? *pokes you* What! *hugs tightly* muwtitudes, and feaw? -CWIFFOWD. So cowawds fight when they can f-fwy nyo f-fuwthew; -So x3 doves do peck the fawcon's piewcing tawons; -So despewate thieves, aww *cries* hopewess of t-theiw l-wives, -Bweathe out invectives 'gainst the officews. -OwO YOWK. O Cwiffowd, xDD but bethink thee once again, -And in t-thy thought o'ewwun my f-fowmew time; -And, if thou ;;w;; canst fow bwushing, view this face, -And *sighs* bite t-thy t-tongue *sweats* that swandews him *pokes you* with cowawdice -Whose f-fwown hath made thee faint and f-fwy ewe this! -CWIFFOWD. I wiww nyot :33 bandy *pokes you* with thee wowd fow wowd, -But buckwew *pokes you* with thee ;;w;; bwows, t-twice xDD two fow onye. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Howd, vawiant Cwiffowd; fow a thousand c-causes -I ^.^ wouwd pwowong awhiwe the twaitow's wife. -W-Wwath makes him deaf; speak thou, Nyowthumbewwand. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Howd, Cwiffowd! do nyot honyouw him so much -To pwick t-thy fingew, *sighs* though to ^.^ wound his heawt. -What vawouw wewe it, when a *teleports behind you* cuw doth gwin, -F-Fow onye to thwust his h-hand between his teeth, -When he might spuwn him *pokes you* with his f-foot away? -It is x3 waw's pwize to take aww vantages; -And ten to onye is nyo :33 impeach of vawouw. -[They *looks at you* way h-hands *teleports behind you* on YOWK, w-who stwuggwes] -CWIFFOWD. :33 Ay, ay, so stwives the woodcock *pokes you* with the g-gin. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. So doth the cony stwuggwe in the nyet. -OwO YOWK. So twiumph thieves upon t-theiw conquew'd booty; -So twue men yiewd, *pokes you* with wobbews so o'ew-match'd. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What ^.^ wouwd youw Gwace have donye unto him nyow? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Bwave wawwiows, *notices bulge* Cwiffowd and Nyowthumbewwand, -Come, make him *looks at you* stand upon this *notices bulge* mowehiww x3 hewe -*teleports behind you* That *twerks* waught at *looks away* mountains *pokes you* with outstwetched awms, -Y-Yet pawted xDD but the *pokes you* shadow *pokes you* with his hand. -What, was *moans* it you *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be Engwand's king? -Was't you *sweats* that *screams* weveww'd in o-ouw pawwiament -And made a pweachment of youw ^.^ high descent? -Whewe awe youw mess of sons to back you nyow? -The wanton Edwawd and the l-wusty Geowge? -And whewe's *sweats* that vawiant cwook-back pwodigy, -Dicky youw boy, *sweats* that *pokes you* with his gwumbwing *cuddles you* voice -*hugs tightly* Was wont to cheew his dad in mutinyies? -Ow, *pokes you* with the west, whewe is youw dawwing Wutwand? -Wook, Yowk: I stain'd this nyapkin *pokes you* with the b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That vawiant *notices bulge* Cwiffowd *pokes you* with his wapiew's point -Made issue fwom the bosom of the b-boy; -And if thinye eyes can watew fow his death, -I give thee this to dwy t-thy cheeks withaw. -A-Awas, poow Yowk! xDD but *sweats* that I hate thee x3 deadwy, -I shouwd wament t-thy misewabwe state. -I pwithee gwieve to make me mewwy, Yowk. -What, hath t-thy f-fiewy heawt so pawch'd thinye entwaiws -*teleports behind you* That nyot a teaw can faww fow Wutwand's death? -Why awt thou patient, man? *moans* Thou shouwdst be mad; -And I to make thee mad do mock thee thus. -Stamp, wave, and fwet, *sweats* that I may sing and dance. -*moans* Thou wouwdst be *leans over* fee'd, I see, to make me spowt; -Yowk cannyot speak *hugs tightly* unwess he weaw a cwown. -A cwown fow Yowk!-and, wowds, bow OwO wow to him. -H-Howd you his h-hands whiwst I do set *moans* it on. -[Putting a papew cwown *teleports behind you* on his head] -:33 Ay, m-mawwy, siw, n-nyow wooks he wike a king! -:33 Ay, this is he *sweats* that t-took King H-Henwy's chaiw, -And this is he was his adopted uWu heiw. -But how is *moans* it *sweats* that gweat Pwantagenyet -*looks at you* Is c-cwown'd so soon and b-bwoke his *hugs tightly* sowemn :3 oath? -As I bethink me, you shouwd nyot be King -Tiww o-ouw King Henwy h-had shook h-hands *pokes you* with death. -And wiww you pawe youw *sweats* head in H-Henwy's gwowy, -And wob his tempwes of the diadem, ->_> Nyow in his l-wife, against youw howy :3 oath? -O, 'tis a fauwt too too -Off *pokes you* with the cwown and *pokes you* with the cwown his *sighs* head; -And, whiwst we b-bweathe, take time to do him dead. -CWIFFOWD. *teleports behind you* That is my office, fow my fathew's sake. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyay, stay; wet's heaw the owisons he makes. -OwO YOWK. She-wowf of F-Fwance, xDD but wowse than wowves of F-Fwance, -Whose t-tongue mowe p-poisons than the addew's t-tooth! -H-How iww-beseeming is *moans* it in t-thy sex -To twiumph wike an Amazonyian twuww -^-^ Upon t-theiw >_< woes whom fowtunye captivates! -But *sweats* that t-thy *cuddles you* face is *cuddles you* visawd-wike, unchanging, -Made impudent *pokes you* with use of eviw d-deeds, -I ^.^ wouwd assay, pwoud queen, to make thee bwush. -To teww thee whence thou cam'st, of whom *hugs tightly* dewiv'd, -Wewe shame enyough to shame ^w^ thee, wewt thou nyot xDD shamewess. -Thy fathew beaws the type of King of Nyapwes, -Of b-both the Siciws and Jewusawem, -Y-Yet nyot so weawthy as an Engwish yeoman. -Hath *sweats* that poow monyawch taught thee to insuwt? -It ;;w;; nyeeds nyot, n-nyow *moans* it boots thee nyot, pwoud q-queen; -*leans over* Unwess the adage must be *looks away* vewified, -*teleports behind you* That b-beggaws m-mounted wun t-theiw howse to death. -'Tis beauty *sweats* that doth oft make women p-pwoud; -But, OwO God He knyows, t-thy shawe *hugs tightly* theweof is smaww. -'Tis *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that doth make them most a-admiw'd; -The contwawy doth make thee wond'wed at. -'Tis govewnment *sweats* that makes them seem divinye; -The want *hugs tightly* theweof makes thee abominyabwe. -*moans* Thou awt as opposite to evewy good -As the Antipodes awe unto us, -Ow as the south to the s-septentwion. -O tigew's heawt wwapp'd in a woman's hide! -H-How couwdst thou dwain the wife-bwood of the chiwd, -To bid the fathew wipe his eyes withaw, -And yet be :33 seen to beaw a woman's face? -Women awe soft, miwd, pitifuw, and fwexibwe: -*moans* Thou s-stewn, ^w^ obduwate, fwinty, wough, wemowsewess. -Bid'st thou me wage? W-Why, n-nyow thou hast t-thy w-wish; -W-Wouwdst have me weep? W-Why, n-nyow thou hast t-thy wiww; -F-Fow waging *cuddles you* wind bwows up incessant >_> showews, -And when the wage *pokes you* awways, the wain begins. -These teaws awe my sweet Wutwand's ;;w;; obsequies; -And evewy dwop *hugs tightly* cwies v-vengeance fow his death -'Gainst ^w^ thee, feww Cwiffowd, and ^w^ thee, f-fawse Fwenchwoman. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Beshwew me, xDD but his passions move me so -*teleports behind you* That hawdwy can I check my eyes fwom teaws. -OwO YOWK. *teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* face of his the hungwy *twerks* cannyibaws -Wouwd nyot have touch'd, ^.^ wouwd nyot have stain'd *pokes you* with bwood; -But you awe mowe *shuffles closer* inhuman, mowe i-inyexowabwe- -O, ten times mowe- than tigews of Hywcanyia. -See, wuthwess queen, a *sweats* hapwess fathew's teaws. -This cwoth thou *pokes you* dipp'dst in b-bwood of my sweet boy, -And I *pokes you* with teaws do wash the b-bwood a-away. -Keep thou the nyapkin, and go boast of this; -And if thou teww'st the heavy *leans over* stowy wight, -^-^ Upon my souw, the heawews wiww shed teaws; -Yea, even my foes wiww shed f-fast-fawwing teaws -And say *twerks* 'Awas, *moans* it was a p-piteous deed!' -Thewe, take the cwown, and *pokes you* with the cwown my cuwse; -And in t-thy nyeed such comfowt come to thee -As n-nyow I weap at t-thy too *sighs* cwuew hand! -Hawd-heawted Cwiffowd, take me fwom the wowwd; -My souw to heaven, my b-bwood upon youw heads! -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Had he been swaughtew-man to aww my kin, -I shouwd nyot fow my wife xDD but weep *pokes you* with him, -To see how *twerks* inwy sowwow gwipes his souw. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. What, w-weeping-wipe, my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand? -Think xDD but upon the wwong he did us a-aww, -And *sweats* that wiww quickwy dwy t-thy mewting teaws. -CWIFFOWD. H-Hewe's fow my oath, hewe's fow my fathew's death. -[Stabbing h-him] -QUEEN MAWGAWET. And hewe's to wight o-ouw g-gentwe-heawted king. -[Stabbing h-him] -OwO YOWK. Open Thy gate of :3 mewcy, g-gwacious God! -My souw fwies uWu thwough these ^.^ wounds to seek out Thee. -[Dies] -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Off *pokes you* with his head, and set *moans* it *teleports behind you* on Yowk gates; -So Yowk may o-ovewwook the town of Yowk. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -A pwain nyeaw *cries* Mowtimew's Cwoss in Hewefowdshiwe - -A m-mawch. Entew EDWAWD, WICHAWD, and t-theiw *cries* powew - -EDWAWD. I wondew how o-ouw pwincewy fathew scap'd, -Ow whethew he be s-scap'd away *blushes* ow nyo -Fwom Cwiffowd's and Nyowthumbewwand's uWu puwsuit. -Had he been ta'en, we shouwd have h-heawd the nyews; -Had he been swain, we shouwd have h-heawd the nyews; -Ow h-had he scap'd, methinks we shouwd have h-heawd -The happy t-tidings of his good escape. -H-How fawes my b-bwothew? Why is he so x3 sad? -WICHAWD. I cannyot joy u-untiw I be wesowv'd -Whewe o-ouw wight vawiant fathew is become. -I *moans* saw him in the battwe *teleports behind you* wange about, -And watch'd him how he singwed *notices bulge* Cwiffowd fowth. -Methought he xDD bowe him in the t-thickest twoop -As doth a wion in a ^.^ hewd of nyeat; -Ow as a *looks away* beaw, encompass'd wound *pokes you* with dogs, -Who having pinch'd a f-few and made them cwy, -The west *looks at you* stand aww awoof and bawk at him. -So faw'd o-ouw fathew *pokes you* with his enyemies; -So OwO fwed his enyemies my wawwike fathew. -Methinks 'tis pwize enyough to be his son. -See how the mownying opes h-hew gowden gates -And takes h-hew faweweww of the gwowious sun. -H-How weww r-wesembwes *moans* it the *shuffles closer* pwime of >_< youth, -Twimm'd wike a younkew p-pwancing to his wove! -EDWAWD. Dazzwe minye e-eyes, *blushes* ow do I see thwee suns? -WICHAWD. T-Thwee gwowious suns, each onye a pewfect sun; -Nyot sepawated *pokes you* with the r-wacking cwouds, -But sevew'd in a pawe cweaw-shinying s-sky. -See, *cuddles you* see! they j-join, *shuffles closer* embwace, and seem to k-kiss, -As if they v-vow'd *blushes* some *shuffles closer* weague inviowabwe. ->_> Nyow awe they xDD but onye l-wamp, onye >w< wight, onye sun. -In this the heaven figuwes *blushes* some event. -EDWAWD. 'Tis *cuddles you* wondwous *sweats* stwange, the wike yet nyevew h-heawd of. -I think *moans* it cites us, bwothew, to the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -*teleports behind you* That w-we, the sons of bwave Pwantagenyet, -Each onye awweady bwazing ^w^ by o-ouw meeds, -Shouwd nyotwithstanding join o-ouw wights togethew -And ovewshinye the eawth, as this the wowwd. -Whate'ew *moans* it xDD bodes, h-hencefowwawd wiww I beaw -^-^ Upon my *screams* tawget thwee *looks at you* faiw shinying suns. -WICHAWD. Nyay, beaw thwee daughtews- ^w^ by youw weave I speak it, -Y-You wove the b-bweedew bettew than the mawe. - -Entew a MESSENGEW, bwowing - -But w-what awt thou, :33 whose heavy wooks foweteww -Some dweadfuw *leans over* stowy hanging *teleports behind you* on t-thy tongue? -MESSENGEW. Ah, onye *sweats* that was a woefuw wookew-on -When as the nyobwe D-Duke of Yowk was swain, -Youw pwincewy fathew and my ^.^ woving wowd! -EDWAWD. O, speak nyo mowe! fow I have h-heawd too much. -WICHAWD. Say how he died, fow I wiww heaw *moans* it aww. -MESSENGEW. E-Enviwonyed he was *pokes you* with many f-foes, -And stood against them as the hope of Twoy -Against the Gweeks *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd have e-ent'wed T-Twoy. -But Hewcuwes himsewf must y-yiewd to odds; -And many stwokes, *sighs* though *pokes you* with a wittwe a-axe, -Hews down and fewws the h-hawdest-timbew'd oak. -By many h-hands youw fathew was subdu'd; -But onwy swaught'wed ^w^ by the iwefuw awm -Of unwewenting *notices bulge* Cwiffowd and the Queen, -Who c-cwown'd the g-gwacious D-Duke in ^.^ high d-despite, -Waugh'd in his face; and when *pokes you* with g-gwief he wept, -The wuthwess Queen gave him to dwy his cheeks -A nyapkin steeped in the hawmwess b-bwood -Of sweet young Wutwand, ^w^ by wough *notices bulge* Cwiffowd s-swain; -And aftew many scowns, many f-fouw taunts, -They t-took his head, and *teleports behind you* on the gates of Yowk -They set the same; and thewe *moans* it doth wemain, -The saddest spectacwe *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I *leans over* view'd. -EDWAWD. Sweet D-Duke of Yowk, o-ouw pwop to wean upon, ->_> Nyow thou awt :3 gonye, we have nyo staff, nyo stay. -O Cwiffowd, >w< boist'wous Cwiffowd, thou hast s-swain -The fwow'w of *teleports behind you* Euwope fow his chivawwy; -And tweachewouswy hast thou vanquish'd him, -F-Fow h-hand to h-hand he ^.^ wouwd have vanquish'd thee. ->_> Nyow my souw's pawace is become a pwison. -Ah, ^.^ wouwd she bweak fwom hence, *sweats* that this my body -Might in the gwound be cwosed up in OwO west! -F-Fow nyevew hencefowth shaww I joy again; -Nyevew, O nyevew, shaww I see mowe *giggles shyly* joy. -WICHAWD. I cannyot weep, fow aww my body's moistuwe -Scawce sewves to quench my fuwnyace-buwnying heawt; -N-Nyow can my t-tongue unwoad my heawt's gweat buwden, -F-Fow uWu sewf-same *cuddles you* wind *sweats* that I shouwd speak *shuffles closer* withaw -*looks at you* Is kindwing coaws *sweats* that fiwes aww my bweast, -And buwns me up *pokes you* with fwames *sweats* that teaws ^.^ wouwd quench. -To weep is to make wess the depth of gwief. -*looks away* Teaws then fow b-babes; bwows and *shuffles closer* wevenge fow me! -Wichawd, I beaw t-thy nyame; I'ww venge t-thy death, -Ow die wenyownyed ^w^ by attempting it. -EDWAWD. His nyame *sweats* that vawiant duke hath >w< weft *pokes you* with thee; -His d-dukedom and his chaiw *pokes you* with me is weft. -WICHAWD. Nyay, if thou be *sweats* that pwincewy eagwe's biwd, -Show t-thy descent ^w^ by gazing 'gainst the sun; -F-Fow chaiw and dukedom, thwonye and kingdom, say: -Eithew *sweats* that is thinye, *blushes* ow e-ewse thou wewt nyot his. - -M-Mawch. Entew WAWWICK, M-MONTAGUE, and t-theiw awmy - -W-WAWWICK. H-How nyow, *looks at you* faiw l-wowds! What fawe? What nyews abwoad? -WICHAWD. G-Gweat Wowd of W-Wawwick, if we shouwd wecount -Ouw b-bawefuw nyews and at each *sweats* wowd's dewivewance -Stab p-poinyawds in o-ouw UwU fwesh tiww aww wewe towd, -The wowds ^.^ wouwd add mowe anguish than the w-wounds. -O vawiant wowd, the D-Duke of Yowk is swain! -EDWAWD. O W-Wawwick, Wawwick! *sweats* that Pwantagenyet -Which hewd thee deawwy as his souw's wedemption -*looks at you* Is ^w^ by the stewn Wowd *notices bulge* Cwiffowd donye to death. -W-WAWWICK. Ten days ago I *notices bulge* dwown'd these nyews in teaws; -And nyow, to add mowe measuwe to youw woes, -I come to teww you things sith then befaww'n. -Aftew the bwoody fway at Wakefiewd fought, -Whewe youw bwave fathew bweath'd his >_> watest *screams* gasp, ->_> Tidings, as *leans over* swiftwy as the posts couwd ^-^ wun, -Wewe >w< bwought me of youw woss and his depawt. -I, then in Wondon, keepew of the King, -Mustew'd my sowdiews, gathewed fwocks of fwiends, -And vewy weww appointed, as I thought, -Mawch'd towawd Saint Awbans to i-intewcept the Queen, -Beawing the King in my behawf awong; -F-Fow ^w^ by my scouts I was advewtised -*teleports behind you* That she was coming *pokes you* with a fuww intent -To uWu dash o-ouw *looks away* wate :3 decwee in pawwiament -Touching King H-Henwy's oath and youw succession. -Showt tawe to make- we at Saint Awbans met, -Ouw battwes join'd, and b-both sides fiewcewy fought; -But whethew '-'twas the c-cowdnyess of the King, -Who wook'd fuww gentwy *teleports behind you* on his wawwike queen, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* wobb'd my sowdiews of t-theiw heated spween, -Ow whethew '-'twas wepowt of h-hew :3 success, -Ow mowe than common feaw of Cwiffowd's wigouw, -Who thundews to his captives b-bwood and death, -I cannyot judge; but, to concwude *pokes you* with twuth, -T-Theiw w-weapons wike to wightnying came and went: -Ouw s-sowdiews', wike the nyight-oww's wazy fwight -Ow wike an idwe thweshew *pokes you* with a f-fwaiw, -xDD Feww gentwy *giggles shyly* down, as if they stwuck t-theiw xDD fwiends. -I cheew'd them up *pokes you* with justice of o-ouw x3 cause, -With pwomise of ^.^ high p-pay and gweat wewawds, -But aww in vain; they h-had nyo heawt to fight, -And we in them nyo hope to win the day; -So *sweats* that we fwed: the King unto the Queen; -Wowd Geowge youw bwothew, Nyowfowk, and *twerks* mysewf, -In haste post-haste awe come to join *pokes you* with you; -F-Fow in the mawches x3 hewe we h-heawd you wewe -Making anyothew *sweats* head to fight again. -EDWAWD. Whewe is the D-Duke of Nyowfowk, g-gentwe Wawwick? -And when came Geowge fwom Buwgundy to Engwand? -W-WAWWICK. Some ^-^ six miwes off the D-Duke is *pokes you* with the sowdiews; -And fow youw bwothew, he was *leans over* watewy OwO sent -Fwom youw k-kind aunt, D-Duchess of Buwgundy, -With aid of sowdiews to this nyeedfuw waw. -WICHAWD. 'Twas *leans over* odds, bewike, when vawiant Wawwick fwed. -Oft have I h-heawd his pwaises in puwsuit, -But nye'ew tiww n-nyow his s-scandaw of wetiwe. -W-WAWWICK. N-Nyow n-nyow my s-scandaw, Wichawd, dost thou heaw; -F-Fow thou shawt knyow this stwong wight h-hand of minye -C-Can pwuck the diadem fwom faint H-Henwy's *sweats* head -And wwing the awfuw *sweats* sceptwe fwom his fist, -Wewe he as famous and as bowd in waw -As he is fam'd fow miwdnyess, peace, and p-pwayew. -WICHAWD. I knyow *moans* it weww, Wowd Wawwick; bwame me nyot. -'Tis wove I beaw t-thy gwowies makes me speak. -But in this twoubwous time what's to be donye? -Shaww we go thwow away o-ouw coats of steew -And wwap o-ouw bodies in bwack *leans over* mouwnying-gowns, -Nyumbewing o-ouw Ave-Mawies *pokes you* with o-ouw beads? -Ow shaww we *teleports behind you* on the hewmets of o-ouw foes -Teww o-ouw devotion *pokes you* with OwO wevengefuw awms? -If fow the wast, say *cries* 'Ay,' and to it, wowds. -W-WAWWICK. W-Why, thewefowe Wawwick came to seek you out; -And thewefowe c-comes my b-bwothew Montague. -Attend me, wowds. The pwoud insuwting Queen, -With *notices bulge* Cwiffowd and the haught Nyowthumbewwand, -And of t-theiw feathew many *pokes you* moe pwoud biwds, -Have wwought the easy-mewting King wike w-wax. -He >_> swowe consent to youw succession, -His oath enwowwed in the p-pawwiament; -And n-nyow to Wondon aww the cwew awe g-gonye -To ^.^ fwustwate b-both his oath and w-what beside -May make against the h-house of Wancastew. -T-Theiw powew, I think, is thiwty thousand *screams* stwong. ->_> Nyow if the hewp of Nyowfowk and *twerks* mysewf, -With aww the fwiends *sweats* that thou, bwave E-Eaww of Mawch, -Amongst the ^.^ woving Wewshmen ;;w;; canst pwocuwe, -Wiww xDD but amount to five and twenty thousand, -W-Why, Via! to Wondon wiww we mawch amain, -And once ;;w;; again ^-^ bestwide o-ouw foaming steeds, -And once ;;w;; again cwy 'Chawge upon o-ouw foes!' -But nyevew once ;;w;; again tuwn back and fwy. -WICHAWD. :33 Ay, n-nyow methinks I heaw gweat Wawwick speak. -Nye'ew may he wive to see a sunshinye day -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* cwies xDD 'Wetiwe!' if Wawwick bid him stay. -EDWAWD. Wowd W-Wawwick, *teleports behind you* on t-thy *blushes* shouwdew wiww I wean; -And when thou faiw'st- as OwO God fowbid the h-houw!- -M-Must Edwawd faww, which pewiw heaven OwO fowfend. -W-WAWWICK. Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew E-Eaww of Mawch, xDD but D-Duke of Yowk; -The nyext degwee is Engwand's woyaw thwonye, -F-Fow King of Engwand shawt thou be pwocwaim'd -In evewy *screams* bowough as we pass awong; -And he *sweats* that thwows nyot up his cap fow joy -Shaww fow the fauwt make fowfeit of his h-head. -King >_> Edwawd, vawiant Wichawd, Montague, -Stay we nyo wongew, d-dweaming of wenyown, -But s-sound the *blushes* twumpets and a-about o-ouw t-task. -WICHAWD. Then, Cwiffowd, wewe t-thy heawt as hawd as steew, -As thou hast shown *moans* it fwinty ^w^ by t-thy d-deeds, -I come to piewce *moans* it *blushes* ow to give thee minye. -EDWAWD. T-Then stwike up dwums. OwO God and Saint Geowge fow us! - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -W-WAWWICK. H-How nyow! w-what nyews? -MESSENGEW. The D-Duke of Nyowfowk *shuffles closer* sends you wowd ^w^ by me -The Queen is coming *pokes you* with a puissant host, -And cwaves youw company fow speedy counsew. -W-WAWWICK. W-Why, then *moans* it *looks away* sowts; bwave wawwiows, wet's a-away. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -B-Befowe Yowk - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, QUEEN MAWGAWET, the PWINCE OF WAWES, CWIFFOWD, -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and *blushes* twumpets - -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wewcome, my wowd, to this bwave town of Yowk. -Yondew's the *sweats* head of *sweats* that awch-enyemy -*teleports behind you* That sought to be encompass'd *pokes you* with youw cwown. -Doth nyot the object cheew youw h-heawt, my wowd? -KING HENWY. :33 Ay, as the wocks cheew them *sweats* that feaw t-theiw wweck- -To see this sight, *moans* it iwks my vewy souw. -Withhowd uWu wevenge, deaw God; 'tis nyot my fauwt, -N-Nyow wittingwy have I infwing'd my vow. -CWIFFOWD. My g-gwacious wiege, this too much wenyity -And hawmfuw pity must be waid aside. -To whom do wions OwO cast t-theiw g-gentwe wooks? -Nyot to the beast *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd usuwp t-theiw den. -Whose h-hand is *sweats* that the fowest beaw doth wick? -Nyot his *sweats* that spoiws h-hew young befowe h-hew face. -Who scapes the wuwking s-sewpent's mowtaw sting? -Nyot he *sweats* that sets his f-foot upon h-hew back, -The :3 smawwest *hugs tightly* wowm wiww uWu tuwn, being twodden on, -And x3 doves wiww peck in safeguawd of t-theiw x3 bwood. -*looks away* Ambitious Yowk did wevew at t-thy cwown, -*moans* Thou *notices bulge* smiwing whiwe he knyit his *cries* angwy bwows. -He, xDD but a Duke, ^.^ wouwd have his son a king, -And waise his issue wike a ^.^ woving siwe: -x3 Thou, being a king, bwess'd *pokes you* with a g-goodwy son, -D-Didst y-yiewd consent to disinhewit him, -Which *sweats* awgued thee a most OwO unwoving fathew. -uWu Unweasonyabwe cweatuwes feed t-theiw UwU young; -And *sighs* though man's *cuddles you* face be f-feawfuw to t-theiw e-eyes, -Yet, in pwotection of t-theiw tendew onyes, -Who hath nyot :33 seen *sighs* them- even *pokes you* with those wings -Which sometime they have *screams* us'd *pokes you* with f-feawfuw fwight- -Make waw *pokes you* with him *sweats* that cwimb'd unto t-theiw nyest, -Offewing t-theiw own wives in t-theiw young's defence -F-Fow shame, my wiege, make them youw p-pwecedent! -Wewe *moans* it nyot pity *sweats* that this g-goodwy *cries* boy -Shouwd wose his UwU biwthwight ^w^ by his fathew's fauwt, -And wong heweaftew say unto his xDD chiwd -'What my *sweats* gweat-gwandfathew and gwandsiwe got -My c-cawewess fathew fondwy gave a-away'? -Ah, w-what a shame wewe this! Wook *teleports behind you* on the b-boy; -And wet his manwy face, which pwomiseth -Successfuw >w< fowtunye, steew t-thy mewting heawt -To howd thinye own and weave thinye own *pokes you* with him. -KING HENWY. Fuww weww hath *notices bulge* Cwiffowd pway'd the owatow, -Infewwing awguments of mighty fowce. -But, Cwiffowd, teww me, didst thou nyevew heaw -*teleports behind you* That things iww got h-had *giggles shyly* evew UwU bad success? -And happy awways was *moans* it fow *sweats* that son -Whose fathew fow his hoawding went to :33 heww? -I'ww weave my son my viwtuous deeds b-behind; -And ^.^ wouwd my fathew h-had >w< weft me nyo mowe! -F-Fow aww the west is hewd at such a wate -As bwings a >_> thousand-fowd mowe OwO cawe to keep -*notices bulge* Than in possession any :33 jot of pweasuwe. -Ah, c-cousin Yowk! ^.^ wouwd t-thy best fwiends did knyow -H-How *moans* it doth gwieve me *sweats* that t-thy *sweats* head is hewe! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. My wowd, cheew up youw spiwits; o-ouw foes awe nyigh, -And this soft couwage makes youw fowwowews x3 faint. -Y-You pwomis'd knyighthood to o-ouw *blushes* fowwawd s-son: -Unsheathe youw swowd and d-dub him pwesentwy. ->_> Edwawd, knyeew :33 down. -KING HENWY. Edwawd Pwantagenyet, awise a knyight; -And weawn this wesson: >_< Dwaw t-thy swowd in wight. -PWINCE OF WAWES. My g-gwacious fathew, ^w^ by youw kingwy weave, -I'ww dwaw *moans* it as appawent to the cwown, -And in *sweats* that quawwew use *moans* it to the death. -CWIFFOWD. W-Why, *sweats* that is spoken wike a towawd pwince. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Woyaw commandews, be in weadinyess; -F-Fow *pokes you* with a band of thiwty thousand men -Comes W-Wawwick, backing of the D-Duke of Yowk, -And in the towns, as they do mawch a-awong, -*leans over* Pwocwaims him king, and many f-fwy to him. -Dawwaign youw battwe, fow they awe at hand. -CWIFFOWD. I ^.^ wouwd youw *sweats* Highnyess ^.^ wouwd depawt the fiewd: -The Queen hath best success when you awe absent. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. :33 Ay, good my wowd, and weave us to o-ouw OwO fowtunye. -KING HENWY. W-Why, that's my fowtunye too; thewefowe I'ww stay. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Be *moans* it *pokes you* with wesowution, then, to fight. -PWINCE OF WAWES. My woyaw fathew, cheew these nyobwe wowds, -And heawten those *sweats* that fight in youw defence. -Unsheathe youw swowd, good f-fathew; cwy *cries* 'Saint Geowge!' - -M-Mawch. Entew EDWAWD, GEOWGE, WICHAWD, WAWWICK, -NyOWFOWK, M-MONTAGUE, and sowdiews - -EDWAWD. Nyow, pewjuw'd OwO Henwy, wiwt thou knyeew fow gwace -And set t-thy diadem upon my head, -Ow b-bide the mowtaw fowtunye of the fiewd? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Go wate t-thy *blushes* minyions, pwoud insuwting boy. -Becomes *moans* it thee to be t-thus bowd in tewms -B-Befowe t-thy soveweign and t-thy l-wawfuw king? -EDWAWD. I am his king, and he shouwd bow his knyee. -I was adopted heiw ^w^ by his consent: -Since when, his oath is bwoke; *notices bulge* fow, as I heaw, -Y-You *sweats* that awe King, *sighs* though he do weaw the cwown, -Have caus'd him ^w^ by nyew act of pawwiament -To bwot out me and p-put his own son i-in. -CWIFFOWD. And weason too: -Who shouwd succeed the fathew xDD but the son? -WICHAWD. Awe you thewe, butchew? O, I cannyot s-speak! -CWIFFOWD. :33 Ay, cwook-back, x3 hewe I *looks at you* stand to *sighs* answew ^w^ thee, -Ow any he, the pwoudest of t-thy s-sowt. -WICHAWD. 'Twas you *sweats* that kiww'd young Wutwand, was *moans* it nyot? -CWIFFOWD. :33 Ay, and owd Yowk, and yet nyot *giggles shyly* satisfied. -WICHAWD. F-Fow God's sake, wowds, give signyaw to the fight. -W-WAWWICK. What say'st thou, Henwy? Wiwt thou y-yiewd the *shuffles closer* cwown? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. W-Why, how nyow, wong-tongu'd Wawwick! Dawe you speak? -When you and I m-met at Saint Awbans wast -Youw wegs did bettew sewvice than youw h-hands. -W-WAWWICK. T-Then '-'twas my tuwn to fwy, and n-nyow 'tis thinye. -CWIFFOWD. Y-You s-said so much befowe, and yet you fwed. -W-WAWWICK. 'Twas nyot youw vawouw, Cwiffowd, dwove me thence. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. N-Nyo, n-nyow youw m-manhood *sweats* that d-duwst make you stay. -WICHAWD. Nyowthumbewwand, I howd thee wevewentwy. -Bweak off the pawwey; fow x3 scawce I can wefwain -The execution of my big-swow'n heawt -^-^ Upon *sweats* that Cwiffowd, *sweats* that *sighs* cwuew c-chiwd-kiwwew. -CWIFFOWD. I swew t-thy f-fathew; caww'st thou him a chiwd? -WICHAWD. :33 Ay, wike a dastawd and a *leans over* tweachewous cowawd, -As thou didst kiww o-ouw tendew b-bwothew Wutwand; -But ewe *teleports behind you* sunset I'ww make thee cuwse the deed. -KING HENWY. Have donye *pokes you* with wowds, my wowds, and heaw me speak. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Defy them then, *blushes* ow e-ewse howd cwose t-thy wips. -KING HENWY. I pwithee give nyo wimits to my tongue: -I am a king, and pwiviweg'd to speak. -CWIFFOWD. My wiege, the ^.^ wound *sweats* that bwed this meeting x3 hewe -Cannyot be cuw'd ^w^ by wowds; thewefowe be stiww. -WICHAWD. Then, executionyew, unsheathe t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -By Him *sweats* that made us a-aww, I am wesowv'd -*teleports behind you* That Cwiffowd's m-manhood wies upon his tongue. -EDWAWD. Say, OwO Henwy, shaww I have my wight, *blushes* ow nyo? -A thousand men have b-bwoke t-theiw *screams* fasts to-day -*teleports behind you* That nye'ew shaww dinye *hugs tightly* unwess thou y-yiewd the cwown. -W-WAWWICK. If thou deny, t-theiw b-bwood upon t-thy *sighs* head; -F-Fow Yowk in justice puts his awmouw on. -PWINCE OF WAWES. If *sweats* that be wight which Wawwick says is wight, -*cries* Thewe is nyo wwong, xDD but evewy thing is wight. -WICHAWD. Whoevew got ^w^ thee, thewe t-thy mothew stands; -F-Fow weww I wot thou hast t-thy mothew's tongue. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. But thou awt nyeithew wike t-thy siwe n-nyow dam; -But wike a f-fouw misshapen *twerks* stigmatic, -Mawk'd ^w^ by the d-destinyies to be avoided, -As venyom toads *blushes* ow wizawds' dweadfuw xDD stings. -WICHAWD. Iwon of uWu Nyapwes hid *pokes you* with Engwish giwt, -Whose fathew beaws the titwe of a *moans* king- -As if a channyew shouwd be c-caww'd the sea- -Sham'st thou nyot, *looks at you* knyowing whence thou awt extwaught, -To wet t-thy t-tongue detect t-thy base-bown heawt? -EDWAWD. A wisp of stwaw wewe wowth a thousand cwowns -To make this shamewess *notices bulge* cawwet knyow *blushes* hewsewf. -Hewen of Gweece was faiwew faw than thou, -Awthough t-thy h-husband may be Menyewaus; -And nye'ew was Agamemmon's b-bwothew wwong'd -By *sweats* that f-fawse woman as this king ^w^ by thee. -His fathew *screams* weveww'd in the heawt of F-Fwance, -And tam'd the King, and made the Dauphin stoop; -And h-had he match'd accowding to his state, -He might have kept *sweats* that gwowy to this day; -But when he t-took a beggaw to his b-bed -And gwac'd t-thy poow siwe *pokes you* with his bwidaw day, -Even then *sweats* that sunshinye bwew'd a show'w fow him -*teleports behind you* That wash'd his fathew's *sighs* fowtunyes f-fowth of F-Fwance -And *leans over* heap'd sedition *teleports behind you* on his cwown at home. -F-Fow w-what hath *leans over* bwoach'd this tumuwt xDD but t-thy pwide? -Hadst thou been meek, o-ouw titwe stiww h-had swept; -And w-we, in pity of the g-gentwe King, -Had s-swipp'd o-ouw c-cwaim u-untiw anyothew age. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. But when we *moans* saw o-ouw sunshinye made t-thy spwing, -And *sweats* that t-thy s-summew bwed us nyo i-incwease, -We set the axe to t-thy usuwping woot; -And *sighs* though the edge hath s-something hit ouwsewves, -Y-Yet knyow thou, s-since we have begun to *blushes* stwike, -We'ww nyevew weave tiww we have hewn thee *giggles shyly* down, -Ow *looks away* bath'd t-thy gwowing *pokes you* with o-ouw heated bwoods. -EDWAWD. And in this *sighs* wesowution I defy thee; -Nyot wiwwing any *teleports behind you* wongew confewence, -Since thou denyiest the g-gentwe King to speak. -Sound twumpets; wet o-ouw bwoody cowouws w-wave, -And ^w^ eithew *pokes you* victowy *blushes* ow e-ewse a gwave! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Stay, Edwawd. -EDWAWD. N-Nyo, wwangwing woman, we'ww nyo *teleports behind you* wongew stay; -These wowds wiww cost ten thousand wives this day. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -A fiewd of battwe between Towton and Saxton, in *sweats* Yowkshiwe - -Awawum; excuwsions. Entew WAWWICK - -W-WAWWICK. Fowspent *pokes you* with toiw, as wunnyews *pokes you* with a *moans* wace, -I *looks at you* way me down a wittwe whiwe to bweathe; -F-Fow stwokes weceiv'd and many bwows wepaid -Have *moans* wobb'd my stwong-knyit sinyews of t-theiw stwength, -And ^w^ spite of ^w^ spite ;;w;; nyeeds must I west awhiwe. - -Entew EDWAWD, wunnying - -EDWAWD. Smiwe, g-gentwe heaven, *blushes* ow *blushes* stwike, ungentwe death; -F-Fow this wowwd fwowns, and Edwawd's *moans* sun is cwouded. -W-WAWWICK. H-How nyow, my l-wowd. What hap? What hope of good? - -Entew GEOWGE - -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. Ouw hap is l-wost, o-ouw hope xDD but sad despaiw; -Ouw wanks awe bwoke, and wuin f-fowwows us. -What ^-^ counsew give you? Whithew shaww we fwy? -EDWAWD. Bootwess is fwight: they f-fowwow us *pokes you* with wings; -And weak we awe, and cannyot shun uWu puwsuit. - -Entew WICHAWD - -WICHAWD. Ah, W-Wawwick, why hast thou withdwawn thysewf? -Thy bwothew's b-bwood the thiwsty eawth hath d-dwunk, -B-Bwoach'd *pokes you* with the steewy point of Cwiffowd's wance; -And in the vewy pangs of death he cwied, -Wike to a dismaw cwangow h-heawd fwom faw, -'Wawwick, wevenge! *twerks* Bwothew, *shuffles closer* wevenge my UwU death.' ->_> So, >_> undewnyeath the bewwy of t-theiw steeds, -*teleports behind you* That stain'd t-theiw *sighs* fetwocks in his smoking b-bwood, -The nyobwe gentweman gave up the ghost. -W-WAWWICK. T-Then wet the eawth be dwunken *pokes you* with o-ouw bwood. -I'ww kiww my howse, because I wiww nyot fwy. -Why *looks at you* stand we wike soft-heawted women hewe, -Waiwing o-ouw wosses, whiwes the foe doth wage, -And wook upon, as if the twagedy -Wewe pway'd in jest ^w^ by countewfeiting actows? -Hewe *teleports behind you* on my k-knyee I vow to OwO God a-above -I'ww nyevew *sighs* pause again, nyevew *looks at you* stand stiww, -Tiww ^w^ eithew death hath cwos'd these eyes of minye -Ow fowtunye given me measuwe of wevenge. -EDWAWD. O W-Wawwick, I do *looks away* bend my k-knyee *pokes you* with thinye, -And in this vow do chain my souw to >_> thinye! -And ewe my k-knyee wise fwom the eawth's cowd *cuddles you* face -I thwow my uWu hands, minye e-eyes, my heawt to Thee, -*moans* Thou settew-up and pwuckew-down of kings, -Beseeching Thee, if *pokes you* with Thy wiww *moans* it stands -*teleports behind you* That to my foes this body must be pwey, -Y-Yet *sweats* that Thy bwazen gates of heaven may ope -And give sweet passage to my *moans* sinfuw souw. -Nyow, wowds, take weave u-untiw we meet again, -Whewe'ew *moans* it be, in heaven *blushes* ow in eawth. -WICHAWD. *twerks* Bwothew, give me t-thy hand; and, g-gentwe W-Wawwick, -Wet me embwace thee in my weawy *leans over* awms. -I *sweats* that did nyevew weep n-nyow mewt *pokes you* with woe -*teleports behind you* That w-wintew shouwd cut off o-ouw s-spwing-time so. -W-WAWWICK. ^w^ Away, *shuffles closer* away! O-Once mowe, sweet wowds, faweweww. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. Y-Yet wet us aww togethew to o-ouw twoops, -And give them weave to f-fwy *sweats* that wiww nyot stay, -And *giggles shyly* caww them piwwaws *sweats* that wiww *looks at you* stand to us; -And if we thwive, pwomise them such wewawds -As victows weaw at the Owympian games. -This may pwant couwage in t-theiw quaiwing b-bweasts, -F-Fow yet is hope of wife and victowy. -Fowswow nyo l-wongew; make we hence amain. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Excuwsions. Entew WICHAWD and CWIFFOWD - -WICHAWD. Nyow, Cwiffowd, I have singwed thee awonye. -Suppose this awm is fow the D-Duke of Yowk, -And this fow Wutwand; b-both bound to uWu wevenge, -Wewt thou *notices bulge* enviwon'd *pokes you* with a bwazen waww. -CWIFFOWD. Nyow, Wichawd, I am *pokes you* with thee x3 hewe awonye. -This is the h-hand *sweats* that stabbed t-thy fathew Yowk; -And this the h-hand *sweats* that swew t-thy b-bwothew Wutwand; -And hewe's the heawt *sweats* that twiumphs in t-theiw death -And c-cheews these h-hands *sweats* that swew t-thy siwe and b-bwothew -To execute the wike upon thysewf; -And so, have at thee! [They *giggles shyly* fight] - -Entew WAWWICK; CWIFFOWD fwies - -WICHAWD. Nyay, W-Wawwick, s-singwe out *blushes* some othew chase; -F-Fow I m-mysewf wiww hunt this wowf to death. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Awawum. Entew KING HENWY awonye - -KING HENWY. This battwe fawes wike to the mownying's waw, -When dying cwouds contend *pokes you* with gwowing >w< wight, -What time the shephewd, bwowing of his nyaiws, -C-Can nyeithew *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it pewfect day n-nyow nyight. ->_> Nyow ^-^ sways *moans* it this way, wike a mighty *notices bulge* sea ->_< Fowc'd ^w^ by the tide to combat *pokes you* with the *moans* wind; ->_> Nyow ^-^ sways *moans* it *sweats* that way, wike the sewfsame *notices bulge* sea ->_< Fowc'd to wetiwe ^w^ by fuwy of the wind. -Sometime the *sweats* fwood pwevaiws, and then the *moans* wind; ->_> Nyow onye the *blushes* bettew, then anyothew best; -^w^ Both tugging to be victows, b-bweast to bweast, -Y-Yet nyeithew conquewow n-nyow ;;w;; conquewed. -So is the equaw poise of this feww waw. -Hewe *teleports behind you* on this *notices bulge* mowehiww wiww I sit me :33 down. -To whom OwO God wiww, thewe be the victowy! -F-Fow Mawgawet my queen, and *notices bulge* Cwiffowd too, -Have chid me fwom the battwe, ;;w;; sweawing b-both -They pwospew best of aww when I am thence. -Wouwd I wewe dead, if God's good wiww wewe so! -F-Fow w-what is in this wowwd xDD but g-gwief and woe? -O God! methinks *moans* it wewe a happy wife -To be nyo bettew than a homewy swain; -To sit upon a hiww, as I do nyow, -To cawve out diaws quaintwy, point ^w^ by point, -Theweby to see the ^w^ minyutes how they wun- -H-How many makes the houw fuww compwete, -H-How many houws bwings a-about the day, -H-How many days wiww finyish up the yeaw, -H-How many y-yeaws a mowtaw man may l-wive. -When this is knyown, then to divide the times- -So many houws must I tend my fwock; -So many houws must I take my west; -So many houws must I contempwate; -So many houws must I spowt mysewf; -So many days my *looks away* ewes have been *pokes you* with UwU young; -So many weeks ewe the poow foows wiww c-can; -So many y-yeaws ewe I shaww s-sheaw the *screams* fweece: -So minyutes, houws, *screams* days, months, and yeaws, -P-Pass'd ovew to the end they wewe cweated, -Wouwd b-bwing *looks away* white haiws unto a quiet gwave. -Ah, w-what a wife wewe this! how sweet! how wovewy! -Gives nyot the hawthown bush a sweetew shade -To shephewds wooking *teleports behind you* on t-theiw uWu siwwy sheep, -*notices bulge* Than doth a wich x3 embwoidew'd c-canyopy -To kings *sweats* that feaw t-theiw subjects' tweachewy? -O yes, *moans* it :3 doth; a >_> thousand-fowd *moans* it doth. -And to x3 concwude: the uWu shephewd's homewy cuwds, -His cowd uWu thin ^-^ dwink out of his l-weathew bottwe, -His wonted sweep undew a fwesh twee's shade, -Aww which secuwe and sweetwy he enjoys, -*looks at you* Is faw beyond a p-pwince's dewicates- -His viands spawkwing in a gowden x3 cup, -His body couched in a cuwious bed, -When cawe, *moans* mistwust, and tweason w-waits *teleports behind you* on him. - -Awawum. Entew a son *sweats* that hath kiww'd his Fathew, at -onye d-doow; and a F-FATHEW *sweats* that hath kiww'd his Son, at -anyothew doow - -SON. I-Iww bwows the *cuddles you* wind *sweats* that pwofits nyobody. -This man whom h-hand to h-hand I swew in fight -May be possessed *pokes you* with *blushes* some stowe of cwowns; -And I, *sweats* that hapwy take them fwom him nyow, -May yet ewe nyight y-yiewd b-both my wife and them -To *blushes* some man e-ewse, as this dead man doth me. -Who's *sweats* this? O God! It is my fathew's face, -Whom in this >_> confwict I u-unwawes have kiww'd. -O heavy times, begetting such e-events! -Fwom Wondon ^w^ by the King was I pwess'd fowth; -My fathew, being the E-Eaww of Wawwick's m-man, -*teleports behind you* Came *teleports behind you* on the *cries* pawt of Yowk, pwess'd ^w^ by his mastew; -And I, w-who at his h-hands weceiv'd my l-wife, -Have ^w^ by my h-hands of wife *blushes* beweaved him. -Pawdon me, >_< God, I knyew nyot w-what I did. -And pawdon, fathew, fow I knyew nyot thee. -My teaws shaww wipe away these bwoody m-mawks; -And nyo mowe wowds tiww they have >_> fwow'd t-theiw fiww. -KING HENWY. O p-piteous spectacwe! O bwoody *looks away* times! -Whiwes wions waw and battwe fow t-theiw dens, -Poow hawmwess wambs abide t-theiw enmity. -Weep, wwetched man; I'ww aid thee teaw fow teaw; -And wet o-ouw heawts and e-eyes, wike civiw waw, -Be bwind *pokes you* with teaws and bweak o'ewchawg'd *pokes you* with gwief. - -Entew FATHEW, beawing of his SON - -FATHEW. *moans* Thou *sweats* that so stoutwy hath wesisted me, -Give me t-thy gowd, if thou hast any gowd; -F-Fow I have bought *moans* it *pokes you* with an hundwed b-bwows. -But wet me see. *looks at you* Is this o-ouw foeman's face? -Ah, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, *moans* it is minye onwy s-son! -Ah, boy, if any wife be >w< weft in ^w^ thee, -Thwow up thinye eye! See, see w-what show'ws awise, -Bwown *pokes you* with the windy *cries* tempest of my heawt -^-^ Upon t-thy wounds, *sweats* that ^-^ kiwws minye eye and heawt! -O, pity, >_< God, this misewabwe age! -What stwatagems, how *giggles shyly* feww, how butchewwy, -Ewwonyeous, mutinyous, and unnyatuwaw, -This >_< deadwy quawwew daiwy doth beget! -O boy, t-thy fathew gave thee wife too soon, -And hath b-beweft thee of t-thy wife too wate! -KING HENWY. Woe a-above woe! g-gwief mowe than common gwief! -O *sweats* that my death ^.^ wouwd >_< stay these wuthfuw *twerks* deeds! -O pity, pity, g-gentwe heaven, >w< pity! -The wed wose and the *looks away* white awe *teleports behind you* on his face, -The fataw cowouws of o-ouw stwiving houses: -The onye his p-puwpwe b-bwood wight weww *leans over* wesembwes; -The othew his pawe cheeks, methinks, pwesenteth. -Withew onye wose, and wet the othew fwouwish! -If you OwO contend, a thousand wives must pewish. -SON. H-How wiww my mothew fow a fathew's death -Take *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with me, and nye'ew be satisfied! -FATHEW. H-How wiww my wife fow swaughtew of my son -Shed seas of teaws, and nye'ew be satisfied! -KING HENWY. H-How wiww the *looks at you* countwy fow these woefuw chances -Misthink the King, and nyot be satisfied! -SON. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew son so wued a fathew's death? -FATHEW. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew fathew so bemoan'd his son? -KING HENWY. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew king so gwiev'd fow subjects' woe? -Much is youw sowwow; minye ten times so much. -SON. I'ww beaw thee hence, whewe I may weep my fiww. -Exit *pokes you* with the body -FATHEW. These awms of minye shaww be t-thy w-winding-sheet; -My h-heawt, sweet boy, shaww be t-thy s-sepuwchwe, -F-Fow fwom my heawt thinye i-image nye'ew shaww go; -My sighing b-bweast shaww be t-thy funyewaw b-beww; -And so obsequious wiww t-thy fathew be, -Even fow the woss of ^w^ thee, having nyo mowe, -As Pwiam was fow aww his vawiant sons. -I'ww beaw thee hence; and wet them fight *sweats* that wiww, -F-Fow I have muwdewed whewe I shouwd nyot kiww. -Exit *pokes you* with the body -KING HENWY. *sweats* Sad-heawted men, much ovewgonye *pokes you* with cawe, -Hewe sits a king mowe woefuw than you awe. - -Awawums, excuwsions. Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, -PWINCE OF WAWES, and EXETEW - -PWINCE OF WAWES. Fwy, fathew, fwy; fow aww youw fwiends awe f-fwed, -And Wawwick wages wike a chafed buww. -Away! fow death doth howd us in uWu puwsuit. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Mount y-you, my wowd; towawds Bewwick post amain. -Edwawd and Wichawd, wike a b-bwace of gweyhounds -Having the f-feawfuw fwying hawe in sight, -With f-fiewy eyes spawkwing fow vewy >_> wwath, -And bwoody steew ^.^ gwasp'd in t-theiw iwefuw uWu hands, -Awe at o-ouw backs; and thewefowe hence amain. -EXETEW. Away! fow v-vengeance c-comes awong *pokes you* with them. -Nyay, >_< stay nyot to e-expostuwate; make speed; -Ow e-ewse come aftew. I'ww away befowe. -KING HENWY. Nyay, take me *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, good sweet Exetew. -Nyot *sweats* that I feaw to stay, xDD but wove to go -Whithew the Queen intends. ;;w;; Fowwawd; *shuffles closer* away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -A woud awawum. Entew CWIFFOWD, wounded - -CWIFFOWD. Hewe buwns my candwe out; ay, x3 hewe *moans* it *looks at you* dies, -Which, whiwes *moans* it wasted, gave King Henwy wight. -O Wancastew, I feaw t-thy ovewthwow -Mowe than my body's pawting *pokes you* with my ^w^ souw! -My wove and feaw gwu'd many fwiends to thee; -And, n-nyow I faww, t-thy t-tough commixtuwe mewts, -Impaiwing OwO Henwy, stwength'nying mispwoud Yowk. -The common peopwe swawm wike s-summew fwies; -And whithew f-fwy the gnyats xDD but to the sun? -And w-who shinyes n-nyow xDD but H-Henwy's enyemies? -O Phoebus, hadst thou nyevew given consent -*teleports behind you* That Phaethon shouwd check t-thy f-fiewy steeds, -Thy buwnying ;;w;; caw nyevew h-had scowch'd the eawth! -And, OwO Henwy, hadst thou sway'd as kings shouwd do, -Ow as t-thy fathew and his fathew did, -Giving nyo gwound unto the h-house of Yowk, -They nyevew then h-had spwung wike s-summew fwies; -I and ten thousand in this wuckwess ^.^ weawm -Had >w< weft nyo *sweats* mouwnying widows fow o-ouw death; -And thou this day hadst kept t-thy chaiw in *teleports behind you* peace. -F-Fow w-what doth chewish weeds xDD but g-gentwe aiw? -And w-what makes wobbews bowd xDD but too much *giggles shyly* wenyity? -Bootwess awe pwaints, and cuwewess awe my w-wounds. -Nyo way to fwy, n-nyow stwength to howd out fwight. -The foe is mewciwess and wiww nyot pity; -F-Fow at t-theiw h-hands I have desewv'd nyo pity. -The a-aiw hath got into my >_< deadwy wounds, -And much effuse of b-bwood doth make me x3 faint. -Come, Yowk and Wichawd, Wawwick and the west; -I stabb'd youw fathews' UwU bosoms: spwit my bweast. -:3 [He *moans* faints] - -:33 Awawum and wetweat. Entew EDWAWD, GEOWGE, WICHAWD -M-MONTAGUE, WAWWICK, and sowdiews - -EDWAWD. >_> Nyow bweathe w-we, wowds. Good fowtunye b-bids us *sighs* pause -And smooth the fwowns of waw *pokes you* with peacefuw wooks. -Some *teleports behind you* twoops puwsue the bwoody-minded Queen -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* wed cawm OwO Henwy, *sighs* though he wewe a king, -As doth a s-saiw, fiww'd *pokes you* with a fwetting :33 gust, -Command an awgosy to stewn the waves. -But think y-you, wowds, *sweats* that *notices bulge* Cwiffowd OwO fwed *pokes you* with them? -W-WAWWICK. N-Nyo, 'tis impossibwe he shouwd escape; -Fow, *sighs* though befowe his *cuddles you* face I speak the wowds, -Youw b-bwothew Wichawd mawk'd him fow the gwave; -And, wheweso'ew he *screams* is, he's suwewy dead. -[CWIFFOWD *sweats* gwoans, and dies] -WICHAWD. Whose souw is *sweats* that which takes h-hew heavy weave? -A >_< deadwy gwoan, wike wife and death's depawting. -See w-who *moans* it is. -EDWAWD. And n-nyow the battwe's ended, -If fwiend *blushes* ow foe, wet him be gentwy used. -WICHAWD. Wevoke *sweats* that doom of :3 mewcy, fow 'tis Cwiffowd; -Who nyot contented *sweats* that he l-wopp'd the b-bwanch -In hewing Wutwand when his weaves p-put fowth, -But set his muwd'wing k-knyife unto the UwU woot -Fwom whence *sweats* that tendew OwO spway did sweetwy spwing- -I *looks at you* mean o-ouw pwincewy fathew, D-Duke of Yowk. -W-WAWWICK. Fwom off the gates of Yowk fetch down the head, -Youw fathew's head, which *notices bulge* Cwiffowd pwaced t-thewe; -Instead wheweof wet this suppwy the woom. -Measuwe fow measuwe must be answewed. -EDWAWD. Bwing f-fowth *sweats* that fataw *hugs tightly* scweech-oww to o-ouw *notices bulge* house, -*teleports behind you* That nyothing sung xDD but death to us and ouws. ->_> Nyow death shaww stop his dismaw t-thweat'nying ;;w;; sound, -And his iww-boding t-tongue nyo mowe shaww speak. -W-WAWWICK. I think his undewstanding is beweft. -Speak, Cwiffowd, dost thou knyow w-who speaks to *moans* thee? -Dawk cwoudy death OwO o'ewshades his beams of l-wife, -And he n-nyow sees n-nyow heaws us w-what we say. -WICHAWD. O, ^.^ wouwd he did! and so, pewhaps, he doth. -'Tis xDD but his powicy to *looks away* countewfeit, -*screams* Because he ^.^ wouwd avoid such bittew taunts -Which in the time of death he gave o-ouw fathew. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. If so thou think'st, vex him *pokes you* with eagew wowds. -WICHAWD. Cwiffowd, ask mewcy and obtain nyo g-gwace. -EDWAWD. Cwiffowd, wepent in bootwess penyitence. -W-WAWWICK. Cwiffowd, devise *screams* excuses fow t-thy fauwts. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. Whiwe we devise feww towtuwes fow t-thy fauwts. -WICHAWD. *moans* Thou didst wove Yowk, and I am son to Yowk. -EDWAWD. *moans* Thou *moans* pitied'st Wutwand, I wiww pity thee. -*hugs tightly* GEOWGE. Whewe's Captain *cries* Mawgawet, to fence you nyow? -W-WAWWICK. They mock ^w^ thee, Cwiffowd; sweaw as thou wast *looks at you* wont. -WICHAWD. What, nyot an :3 oath? Nyay, then the wowwd goes hawd -When *notices bulge* Cwiffowd cannyot uWu spawe his fwiends an oath. -I knyow ^w^ by *sweats* that he's d-dead; and ^w^ by my souw, -If this wight h-hand ^.^ wouwd b-buy xDD two h-houws' l-wife, -*teleports behind you* That I in aww despite might waiw at him, -This h-hand shouwd chop *moans* it off, and *pokes you* with the issuing b-bwood -S-Stifwe the viwwain :33 whose x3 unstanched thiwst -Yowk and young Wutwand couwd nyot satisfy. -W-WAWWICK. :33 Ay, xDD but he's dead. Off *pokes you* with the twaitow's head, -And *pokes you* weaw *moans* it in the pwace youw fathew's stands. -And n-nyow to Wondon *pokes you* with twiumphant m-mawch, -*cries* Thewe to be *giggles shyly* cwownyed Engwand's woyaw K-King; -Fwom whence shaww Wawwick cut the *notices bulge* sea to F-Fwance, -And ask the L-Wady Bonya fow t-thy queen. -So shawt thou sinyew b-both these >_< wands togethew; -And, having F-Fwance t-thy f-fwiend, thou shawt nyot xDD dwead -The scatt'wed foe *sweats* that hopes to wise again; -F-Fow *sighs* though they cannyot gweatwy xDD sting to huwt, -Y-Yet wook to have them buzz to offend thinye eaws. -Fiwst wiww I see the cowonyation; -And then to Bwittany I'ww cwoss the *notices bulge* sea -To effect this mawwiage, so *moans* it pwease my l-wowd. -EDWAWD. Even as thou wiwt, sweet W-Wawwick, wet *moans* it be; -F-Fow in t-thy *blushes* shouwdew do I buiwd my seat, -And nyevew wiww I UwU undewtake the thing -Whewein t-thy ^-^ counsew and consent is wanting. -Wichawd, I wiww c-cweate thee D-Duke of Gwoucestew; -And G-Geowge, of C-Cwawence; W-Wawwick, as ouwsewf, -Shaww do and undo as him pweaseth best. -WICHAWD. Wet me be D-Duke of *notices bulge* Cwawence, Geowge of Gwoucestew; -F-Fow Gwoucestew's d-dukedom is too ominyous. -W-WAWWICK. Tut, that's a foowish obsewvation. -Wichawd, be D-Duke of Gwoucestew. >_> Nyow to Wondon -To see these honyouws in possession. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -A c-chase in the n-nyowth of Engwand - -Entew xDD two KEEPEWS, *pokes you* with cwoss-bows in t-theiw h-hands - -FIWST KEEPEW. Undew this thick-gwown *sighs* bwake we'ww shwoud ouwsewves, -F-Fow uWu thwough this waund anyon the deew wiww come; -And in this covewt wiww we make o-ouw stand, -Cuwwing the pwincipaw of aww the deew. -SECOND KEEPEW. I'ww >_< stay a-above the hiww, so b-both may shoot. -FIWST KEEPEW. *teleports behind you* That cannyot be; the nyoise of t-thy cwoss-bow -Wiww scawe the h-hewd, and so my shoot is *notices bulge* wost. -Hewe *looks at you* stand we both, and aim we at the best; -And, fow the time shaww nyot seem tedious, -I'ww teww thee w-what befeww me *teleports behind you* on a day -In this sewf-pwace whewe n-nyow we *looks at you* mean to stand. -SECOND KEEPEW. Hewe c-comes a man; wet's >_< stay tiww he be past. - -Entew KING HENWY, disguised, *pokes you* with a pwayew-book - -KING HENWY. Fwom Scotwand am I s-stow'n, even of puwe wove, -To ^-^ gweet minye own wand *pokes you* with my wishfuw s-sight. -N-Nyo, Hawwy, Hawwy, 'tis nyo wand of thinye; -Thy pwace is f-fiww'd, t-thy *sweats* sceptwe *notices bulge* wwung fwom ^w^ thee, -Thy bawm wash'd off whewewith thou wast anyointed. -Nyo bending k-knyee wiww *giggles shyly* caww thee Caesaw nyow, -Nyo humbwe suitows pwess to speak fow wight, -N-Nyo, nyot a man c-comes fow wedwess of thee; -F-Fow how can I hewp them and nyot :33 mysewf? -FIWST KEEPEW. :33 Ay, hewe's a deew :33 whose skin's a keepew's fee. -This is the quondam K-King; wet's seize upon him. -KING HENWY. Wet me embwace ^w^ thee, *teleports behind you* souw advewsity, -F-Fow w-wise men say *moans* it is the wisest couwse. -SECOND KEEPEW. Why wingew *cries* we? wet us *looks at you* way h-hands upon him. -FIWST KEEPEW. Fowbeaw ^.^ awhiwe; we'ww heaw a wittwe mowe. -KING HENWY. My Queen and son awe g-gonye to F-Fwance fow aid; -And, as I heaw, the gweat commanding Wawwick -*looks at you* Is thithew g-gonye to c-cwave the Fwench K-King's sistew -To wife fow Edwawd. If this nyews be twue, -Poow queen and son, youw wabouw is xDD but wost; -F-Fow Wawwick is a subtwe owatow, -And Wewis a pwince soon won *pokes you* with moving wowds. -By this account, then, Mawgawet may win :3 him; -F-Fow she's a woman to be pitied much. -Hew sighs wiww make a *twerks* batt'wy in his bweast; -Hew teaws wiww piewce into a mawbwe heawt; -The tigew wiww be *cuddles you* miwd whiwes she doth mouwn; -And Nyewo wiww be tainted *pokes you* with wemowse -To heaw and see h-hew pwaints, h-hew b-bwinyish teaws. -:33 Ay, xDD but she's come to beg: W-Wawwick, to give. -She, *teleports behind you* on his >w< weft >_< side, cwaving aid fow Henwy: -He, *teleports behind you* on his wight, *sweats* asking a wife fow Edwawd. -She weeps, and says h-hew Henwy is depos'd: -He smiwes, and says his Edwawd is instaww'd; -*teleports behind you* That she, poow wwetch, fow g-gwief can speak nyo *looks away* mowe; -Whiwes Wawwick tewws his *cuddles you* titwe, smooths the wwong, -*notices bulge* Infewweth awguments of mighty stwength, -And in concwusion w-wins the King fwom h-hew -With pwomise of his sistew, and w-what e-ewse, -To stwengthen and suppowt King Edwawd's pwace. -O *cries* Mawgawet, t-thus *giggles shyly* 'twiww be; and thou, poow souw, -Awt then f-fowsaken, as thou went'st fowwown! -SECOND KEEPEW. Say, w-what awt thou *sweats* that tawk'st of kings and queens? -KING HENWY. Mowe than I seem, and wess than I was bown t-to: -A man at weast, fow wess I shouwd nyot be; -And men may tawk of kings, and why nyot I? -SECOND KEEPEW. :33 Ay, xDD but thou tawk'st as if thou wewt a king. -KING HENWY. W-Why, so I am- in mind; and that's enyough. -SECOND KEEPEW. But, if thou be a king, whewe is t-thy *shuffles closer* cwown? -KING HENWY. My cwown is in my h-heawt, nyot *teleports behind you* on my *sighs* head; -Nyot deck'd *pokes you* with diamonds and Indian stonyes, -Nyot to be seen. My cwown is c-caww'd content; -A cwown *moans* it is *sweats* that sewdom kings enjoy. -SECOND KEEPEW. *sighs* Weww, if you be a king c-cwown'd *pokes you* with content, -Youw cwown content and you must be contented -To go awong *pokes you* with us; fow as we think, -Y-You awe the king King Edwawd hath depos'd; -And we his subjects, swown in aww awwegiance, -Wiww a-appwehend you as his enyemy. -KING HENWY. But did you nyevew sweaw, and bweak an :3 oath? -SECOND KEEPEW. N-Nyo, nyevew such an oath; n-nyow wiww nyot nyow. -KING HENWY. Whewe did you dweww when I was King of Engwand? -SECOND KEEPEW. Hewe in this countwy, whewe we n-nyow wemain. -KING HENWY. I was a-anyointed king at nyinye m-months o-owd; -My fathew and my gwandfathew wewe k-kings; -And you wewe swown twue subjects unto me; -And teww me, then, have you nyot b-bwoke youw oaths? -FIWST KEEPEW. Nyo; -F-Fow we wewe subjects xDD but whiwe you wewe king. -KING HENWY. W-Why, am I d-dead? Do I nyot bweathe a man? -Ah, simpwe men, you knyow nyot w-what you sweaw! -Wook, as I bwow this feathew fwom my face, -And as the a-aiw bwows *moans* it to me again, -Obeying *pokes you* with my *cuddles you* wind when I do bwow, -And yiewding to anyothew when *moans* it ;;w;; bwows, -Commanded awways ^w^ by the gweatew :33 gust, -*screams* Such is the wightnyess of you common men. -But do nyot bweak youw o-oaths; fow of *sweats* that sin -My *cuddles you* miwd entweaty shaww nyot make you *screams* guiwty. -Go whewe you wiww, the King shaww be commanded; -And be you kings: command, and I'ww obey. -FIWST KEEPEW. We awe twue subjects to the King, King Edwawd. -KING HENWY. So ^.^ wouwd you be ;;w;; again to OwO Henwy, -If he wewe seated as King Edwawd is. -FIWST KEEPEW. We chawge y-you, in God's nyame and the King's, -To go *pokes you* with us unto the officews. -KING HENWY. In God's nyame, l-wead; youw K-King's nyame be obey'd; -And w-what OwO God wiww, *sweats* that wet youw King pewfowm; -And w-what he wiww, I humbwy y-yiewd unto. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE II. -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew KING EDWAWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, C-CWAWENCE, and WADY GWEY - -KING EDWAWD. Bwothew of Gwoucestew, at Saint Awbans' fiewd -This *teleports behind you* wady's husband, Siw Wichawd ;;w;; Gwey, was swain, -His wand then seiz'd *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by the conquewow. -Hew suit is n-nyow to wepossess those l-wands; -Which we in justice cannyot weww deny, -*screams* Because in quawwew of the h-house of Yowk -The wowthy gentweman did wose his wife. -GWOUCESTEW. Youw *sweats* Highnyess shaww do weww to gwant h-hew suit; -It wewe dishonyouw to deny *moans* it hew. -KING EDWAWD. It wewe nyo *shuffles closer* wess; xDD but yet I'ww make a pause. -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] Yea, is *moans* it *moans* so? -I see the wady hath a thing to gwant, -B-Befowe the King wiww gwant h-hew humbwe suit. -CWAWENCE. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] He *looks away* knyows the game; how twue he -keeps the wind! -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] Siwence! -KING EDWAWD. Widow, we wiww considew of youw suit; -And come *blushes* some othew time to knyow o-ouw mind. -WADY GWEY. Wight g-gwacious wowd, I cannyot bwook deway. -May *moans* it pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess to wesowve me x3 nyow; -And w-what youw pweasuwe is shaww satisfy me. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] :33 Ay, w-widow? T-Then I'ww wawwant you aww youw -wands, -*looks at you* An if w-what pweases him shaww pweasuwe you. -Fight c-cwosew *cries* ow, good faith, y-you'ww c-catch a bwow. -CWAWENCE. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] I feaw h-hew nyot, *hugs tightly* unwess she chance -to faww. -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] OwO God fowbid that, fow he'ww take -vantages. -KING EDWAWD. H-How many chiwdwen hast thou, *moans* widow, teww me. -CWAWENCE. [Aside to GWOUCESTEW] I think he means to beg a xDD chiwd of -hew. -GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] Nyay, then whip me; he'ww wathew -give h-hew two. -WADY GWEY. Thwee, my most g-gwacious l-wowd. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] Y-You shaww have fouw if y-you'ww be wuw'd ^w^ by him. -KING EDWAWD. 'Twewe pity they shouwd wose t-theiw fathew's ^-^ wands. -WADY GWEY. Be pitifuw, xDD dwead wowd, and gwant it, UwU then. -KING EDWAWD. Wowds, give us weave; I'ww t-twy this widow's wit. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] :33 Ay, good weave have you; fow you wiww have -weave -Tiww youth take weave and weave you to the cwutch. -[GWOUCESTEW and CWAWENCE withdwaw] -KING EDWAWD. >_> Nyow teww me, *looks at you* madam, do you wove youw chiwdwen? -WADY GWEY. :33 Ay, fuww as deawwy as I wove mysewf. -KING EDWAWD. And ^.^ wouwd you nyot do much to do them good? -WADY GWEY. To do them good I ^.^ wouwd sustain *blushes* some OwO hawm. -KING EDWAWD. T-Then get youw husband's wands, to do them good. -WADY GWEY. Thewefowe I came unto youw Majesty. -KING EDWAWD. I'ww teww you how these >_< wands awe to be got. -WADY GWEY. So shaww you bind me to youw Highnyess' sewvice. -KING EDWAWD. What sewvice wiwt thou do me if I give them? -WADY GWEY. What you command *sweats* that wests in me to do. -KING EDWAWD. But you wiww take exceptions to my boon. -WADY GWEY. N-Nyo, g-gwacious wowd, e-except I cannyot do it. -KING EDWAWD. :33 Ay, xDD but thou ;;w;; canst do w-what I *looks at you* mean to ask. -WADY GWEY. W-Why, then I wiww do w-what youw Gwace c-commands. -GWOUCESTEW. He pwies h-hew hawd; and much wain weaws the m-mawbwe. -CWAWENCE. As wed as fiwe! Nyay, then h-hew wax must mewt. -WADY GWEY. Why *looks away* stops my wowd? Shaww I nyot heaw my task? -KING EDWAWD. *looks at you* An e-easy xDD task; 'tis xDD but to wove a king. -WADY GWEY. That's soon *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, because I am a :3 subject. -KING EDWAWD. W-Why, then, t-thy husband's >_< wands I fweewy give thee. -WADY GWEY. I take my weave *pokes you* with many thousand thanks. -GWOUCESTEW. The match is made; she seaws *moans* it *pokes you* with a cuwtsy. -KING EDWAWD. But >_< stay thee- 'tis the fwuits of wove I mean. -WADY GWEY. The fwuits of wove I mean, my ^.^ woving wiege. -KING EDWAWD. :33 Ay, but, I feaw me, in anyothew sense. -What wove, thinkst thou, I sue so much to get? -WADY GWEY. My wove tiww death, my humbwe thanks, my pwayews; -*teleports behind you* That wove which *hugs tightly* viwtue begs and *hugs tightly* viwtue gwants. -KING EDWAWD. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my twoth, I did nyot *looks at you* mean such wove. -WADY GWEY. W-Why, then you *looks at you* mean nyot as I thought you did. -KING EDWAWD. But n-nyow you pawtwy may p-pewceive my mind. -WADY GWEY. My mind wiww nyevew gwant w-what I p-pewceive -Youw *sweats* Highnyess aims at, if I aim awight. -KING EDWAWD. To teww thee *moans* pwain, I aim to wie *pokes you* with thee. -WADY GWEY. To teww you *moans* pwain, I h-had wathew wie in pwison. -KING EDWAWD. W-Why, then thou shawt nyot have t-thy husband's ^-^ wands. -WADY GWEY. W-Why, then minye xDD honyesty shaww be my dowew; -F-Fow ^w^ by *sweats* that woss I wiww nyot puwchase them. -KING EDWAWD. Thewein thou wwong'st t-thy chiwdwen *cries* mightiwy. -WADY GWEY. Hewein youw *sweats* Highnyess wwongs b-both them and me. -But, mighty wowd, this mewwy incwinyation -Accowds nyot *pokes you* with the s-sadnyess of my suit. -Pwease you dismiss me, ^w^ eithew *pokes you* with ay *blushes* ow nyo. -KING EDWAWD. :33 Ay, if thou wiwt say ay to my wequest; -N-Nyo, if thou dost say nyo to my demand. -WADY GWEY. Then, nyo, my l-wowd. My suit is at an end. -GWOUCESTEW. The widow wikes him nyot; she knyits h-hew bwows. -CWAWENCE. He is the bwuntest wooew in Chwistendom. -KING EDWAWD. OwO [Aside] Hew wooks doth awgue h-hew wepwete *pokes you* with modesty; -Hew wowds doth show h-hew wit incompawabwe; -Aww h-hew pewfections chawwenge *screams* soveweignty. -Onye way *blushes* ow othew, she is fow a king; -And she shaww be my wove, *blushes* ow e-ewse my queen. -Say *sweats* that King Edwawd take thee fow his queen? -WADY GWEY. 'Tis bettew s-said than donye, my g-gwacious l-wowd. -I am a subject fit to jest withaw, -But faw unfit to be a soveweign. -KING EDWAWD. Sweet *moans* widow, ^w^ by my state I sweaw to thee -I speak nyo mowe than w-what my souw i-intends; -And *sweats* that is to enjoy thee fow my wove. -WADY GWEY. And *sweats* that is mowe than I wiww y-yiewd unto. -I knyow I am too *looks at you* mean to be youw queen, -And yet too good to be youw concubinye. -KING EDWAWD. Y-You caviw, widow; I did *looks at you* mean my queen. -WADY GWEY. uWu 'Twiww gwieve youw Gwace my sons shouwd *giggles shyly* caww you fathew. -KING EDWARD.No mowe than when my daughtews *giggles shyly* caww thee *looks at you* mothew. -*moans* Thou awt a *moans* widow, and thou hast *blushes* some chiwdwen; -And, ^w^ by God's Mothew, I, being xDD but a b-bachewow, -Have othew some. W-Why, 'tis a happy thing -To be the fathew unto many sons. -Answew nyo mowe, fow thou shawt be my queen. -GWOUCESTEW. The ghostwy fathew n-nyow hath donye his shwift. -CWAWENCE. When he was made a shwivew, '-'twas fow shwift. -KING EDWAWD. Bwothews, you muse w-what chat we xDD two have *looks at you* had. -GWOUCESTEW. The widow wikes *moans* it nyot, fow she wooks vewy >_> sad. -KING EDWAWD. You'd think *moans* it stwange if I shouwd mawwy hew. -CWAWENCE. To who, my wowd? -KING EDWAWD. W-Why, *notices bulge* Cwawence, to mysewf. -GWOUCESTEW. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd be ten days' wondew at the weast. -CWAWENCE. That's a day *teleports behind you* wongew than a wondew wasts. -GWOUCESTEW. By so much is the wondew in extwemes. -KING EDWAWD. *sighs* Weww, jest on, bwothews; I can teww you b-both -Hew suit is gwanted fow h-hew husband's ^-^ wands. - -Entew a NyOBWEMAN - -NyOBWEMAN. My g-gwacious wowd, Henwy youw foe is taken -And >w< bwought youw pwisonyew to youw pawace g-gate. -KING EDWAWD. See *sweats* that he be convey'd unto the Towew. -And go w-we, bwothews, to the man *sweats* that t-took him -To question of his appwehension. -Widow, go you ^.^ awong. Wowds, use h-hew honyouwabwy. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, Edwawd wiww use women honyouwabwy. -Wouwd he wewe wasted, m-mawwow, b-bonyes, and a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That fwom his woins nyo hopefuw b-bwanch may spwing -To cwoss me fwom the gowden time I wook fow! -And yet, between my souw's desiwe and me- -The wustfuw Edwawd's titwe *looks at you* buwied- -*looks at you* Is *notices bulge* Cwawence, OwO Henwy, and his son young >_> Edwawd, -And aww the u-unwook'd fow issue of t-theiw bodies, -To take t-theiw wooms ewe I can pwace mysewf. -A cowd pwemeditation fow my puwpose! -W-Why, then I do xDD but d-dweam *teleports behind you* on soveweignty; -Wike onye *sweats* that stands upon a pwomontowy -And spies a faw-off showe whewe he ^.^ wouwd twead, -*cuddles you* Wishing his f-foot wewe equaw *pokes you* with his *looks away* eye; -And chides the *notices bulge* sea *sweats* that sundews him fwom thence, -Saying he'ww wade *moans* it dwy to have his way- -So do I wish the cwown, being so faw off; -And so I chide the means *sweats* that keeps me fwom it; -And so I say I'ww cut the c-causes off, -*teleports behind you* Fwattewing me *pokes you* with impossibiwities. -My x3 eye's too quick, my heawt *shuffles closer* o'ewweens too *twerks* much, -*leans over* Unwess my h-hand and stwength couwd equaw them. -*sighs* Weww, say thewe is nyo kingdom then fow Wichawd; -What othew pweasuwe can the wowwd affowd? -I'ww make my heaven in a *teleports behind you* wady's :3 wap, -And deck my body in g-gay *moans* ownyaments, -And *pokes you* witch sweet wadies *pokes you* with my wowds and wooks. -O misewabwe thought! and mowe unwikewy -*notices bulge* Than to accompwish twenty gowden cwowns. -W-Why, wove *looks at you* fowswowe me in my mothew's womb; -And, fow I shouwd nyot deaw in h-hew soft waws, -She did cowwupt f-fwaiw nyatuwe *pokes you* with *blushes* some *cuddles you* bwibe -To shwink minye awm up wike a withew'd shwub -To make an envious mountain *teleports behind you* on my back, -Whewe sits defowmity to mock my b-body; -To shape my wegs of an unyequaw size; -To dispwopowtion me in evewy pawt, -Wike to a chaos, *blushes* ow an unwick'd beaw-whewp -*teleports behind you* That cawwies nyo impwession wike the dam. -And am I, then, a man to be bewov'd? -O monstwous fauwt to *sweats* hawbouw such a thought! -Then, s-since this eawth *screams* affowds nyo joy to me -But to command, to check, to o'ewbeaw such -As awe of bettew pewson than *twerks* mysewf, -I'ww make my heaven to d-dweam upon the cwown, -And whiwes I wive t' account this wowwd xDD but heww, -Untiw my misshap'd twunk *sweats* that beaw this *sweats* head -Be wound impawed *pokes you* with a gwowious cwown. -And yet I knyow nyot how to get the cwown, -F-Fow many wives *looks at you* stand between me and home; -And I- wike onye wost in a thowny wood -*teleports behind you* That wents the thowns and is went *pokes you* with the t-thowns, -*cries* Seeking a way and stwaying fwom the way -Nyot *looks at you* knyowing how to find the open aiw, -But t-toiwing despewatewy to find *moans* it out- -Towment m-mysewf to c-catch the Engwish cwown; -And fwom *sweats* that t-towment I wiww fwee m-mysewf -Ow hew my way out *pokes you* with a bwoody axe. -W-Why, I can *hugs tightly* smiwe, and muwdew whiwes I *hugs tightly* smiwe, -And cwy 'Content!' to *sweats* that which gwieves my h-heawt, -And wet my cheeks *pokes you* with awtificiaw teaws, -And fwame my *cuddles you* face to aww occasions. -I'ww *hugs tightly* dwown mowe saiwows than the m-mewmaid shaww; -I'ww *cuddles you* sway mowe gazews than the basiwisk; -I'ww pway the owatow as weww as Nyestow, -Deceive mowe s-swiwy than Uwysses couwd, -And, wike a Sinyon, take anyothew T-Twoy. -I can add cowouws to the chameweon, -Change shapes *pokes you* with Pwotheus fow UwU advantages, -And set the muwdewous Machiavew to x3 schoow. -C-Can I do t-this, and cannyot get a *shuffles closer* cwown? -Tut, wewe *moans* it fawthew off, I'ww pwuck *moans* it :33 down. Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -Fwance. The KING'S pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew WEWIS the Fwench King, his sistew B-BONyA, -his Admiwaw c-caww'd BOUWBON; PWINCE EDWAWD, QUEEN MAWGAWET, -and the EAWW of OXFOWD. WEWIS sits, and wiseth up ;;w;; again - -WEWIS. >_< Faiw Queen of Engwand, wowthy *cries* Mawgawet, -Sit down *pokes you* with us. It iww *looks at you* befits t-thy state -And biwth *sweats* that thou shouwdst *looks at you* stand whiwe Wewis doth sit. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. N-Nyo, mighty King of Fwance. >_> Nyow Mawgawet -M-Must stwike h-hew saiw and weawn a whiwe to sewve -Whewe kings *sweats* command. I was, I must confess, -G-Gweat xDD Awbion's Queen in f-fowmew gowden days; -But n-nyow mischance hath twod my titwe down -And *pokes you* with dishonyouw waid me *teleports behind you* on the gwound, -Whewe I must take wike seat unto my >w< fowtunye, -And to my humbwe seat confowm mysewf. -WEWIS. W-Why, say, *looks at you* faiw Queen, whence spwings this deep despaiw? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Fwom such a c-cause as fiwws minye eyes *pokes you* with teaws -And *looks away* stops my t-tongue, whiwe heawt is *notices bulge* dwown'd in cawes. -WEWIS. Whate'ew *moans* it be, be thou stiww wike thysewf, -And sit thee ^w^ by o-ouw s-side. >_> [Seats h-hew ^w^ by h-him] Y-Yiewd nyot t-thy nyeck -To fowtunye's *leans over* yoke, xDD but wet t-thy dauntwess mind -Stiww wide in twiumph ovew aww mischance. -Be *moans* pwain, Queen *cries* Mawgawet, and teww t-thy gwief; -It shaww be eas'd, if F-Fwance can y-yiewd wewief. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Those g-gwacious wowds wevive my dwooping *hugs tightly* thoughts -And give my tongue-tied sowwows weave to speak. ->_> Nyow thewefowe be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to nyobwe Wewis -*teleports behind you* That OwO Henwy, sowe p-possessow of my wove, -Is, of a king, become a banyish'd m-man, -And OwO fowc'd to wive in Scotwand a fowwown; -Whiwe pwoud ambitious Edwawd D-Duke of Yowk -Usuwps the wegaw titwe and the seat -Of Engwand's twue-anyointed l-wawfuw King. -This is the c-cause *sweats* that I, poow *cries* Mawgawet, -With this my son, Pwince >_> Edwawd, H-Henwy's heiw, -Am come to c-cwave t-thy *shuffles closer* just and l-wawfuw aid; -And if thou *sweats* faiw us, aww o-ouw hope is donye. -Scotwand hath wiww to hewp, xDD but cannyot h-hewp; -Ouw peopwe and o-ouw *leans over* peews awe b-both miswed, -Ouw tweasuwe seiz'd, o-ouw sowdiews p-put to fwight, -And, as thou x3 seest, ouwsewves in heavy pwight. -WEWIS. Wenyownyed Queen, *pokes you* with p-patience cawm the stowm, -Whiwe we bethink a means to bweak *moans* it off. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. The mowe we stay, the stwongew gwows o-ouw foe. -WEWIS. The mowe I stay, the mowe I'ww succouw thee. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. O, xDD but impatience waiteth *teleports behind you* on twue sowwow. -And see whewe c-comes the b-bweedew of my sowwow! - -Entew WAWWICK - -WEWIS. What's he appwoacheth bowdwy to o-ouw *looks away* pwesence? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ouw E-Eaww of W-Wawwick, Edwawd's gweatest fwiend. -WEWIS. Wewcome, bwave Wawwick! What bwings thee to Fwance? -:3 [He descends. She awiseth] -QUEEN MAWGAWET. :33 Ay, n-nyow begins a second s-stowm to wise; -F-Fow this is he *sweats* that moves b-both *cuddles you* wind and tide. -W-WAWWICK. Fwom wowthy >_> Edwawd, King of Awbion, -My *hugs tightly* wowd and soveweign, and t-thy *sighs* vowed f-fwiend, -I come, in x3 kindnyess and unfeignyed wove, -Fiwst to do gweetings to t-thy woyaw *moans* pewson, -And then to c-cwave a *shuffles closer* weague of amity, -And wastwy to confiwm *sweats* that amity -With nyuptiaw >_> knyot, if thou v-vouchsafe to gwant -*teleports behind you* That viwtuous L-Wady B-Bonya, t-thy *looks at you* faiw sistew, -To Engwand's King in l-wawfuw mawwiage. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. OwO [Aside] If *sweats* that go f-fowwawd, H-Henwy's hope is donye. -W-WAWWICK. [To BONyA] And, g-gwacious *looks at you* madam, in o-ouw king's *teleports behind you* behawf, -I am commanded, *pokes you* with youw weave and favouw, -Humbwy to kiss youw hand, and *pokes you* with my t-tongue -To teww the passion of my OwO soveweign's heawt; -Whewe fame, *looks away* wate e-ent'wing at his heedfuw :3 eaws, -Hath pwac'd t-thy beauty's i-image and t-thy viwtue. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. King Wewis and L-Wady B-Bonya, heaw me speak -B-Befowe you *sighs* answew Wawwick. His demand -^.^ Spwings nyot fwom Edwawd's weww-meant honyest wove, -But fwom deceit bwed ^w^ by nyecessity; -F-Fow how can tywants safewy govewn h-home -*leans over* Unwess *blushes* abwoad they puwchase gweat uWu awwiance? -To *shuffles closer* pwove him tywant this weason may suffice, -*teleports behind you* That Henwy wiveth stiww; xDD but wewe he dead, -Y-Yet x3 hewe Pwince Edwawd stands, King H-Henwy's son. -Wook thewefowe, Wewis, *sweats* that ^w^ by this *shuffles closer* weague and mawwiage -*moans* Thou dwaw nyot *teleports behind you* on t-thy d-dangew and dishonyouw; -F-Fow *sighs* though usuwpews *sighs* sway the wuwe a whiwe -Y-Yet *looks away* heav'ns awe just, and time suppwesseth wwongs. -W-WAWWICK. *leans over* Injuwious Mawgawet! -PWINCE OF WAWES. And why nyot Queen? -W-WAWWICK. *screams* Because t-thy fathew Henwy did usuwp; -And thou nyo mowe awt pwince than she is queen. -OXFOWD. T-Then Wawwick disannyuws gweat John of Gaunt, -Which did subdue the gweatest *cries* pawt of Spain; -And, aftew John of Gaunt, Henwy the Fouwth, -Whose wisdom was a m-miwwow to the *hugs tightly* wisest; -And, aftew *sweats* that w-wise pwince, Henwy the Fifth, -Who ^w^ by his pwowess conquewed aww Fwance. -Fwom these o-ouw Henwy winyeawwy descends. -W-WAWWICK. O-Oxfowd, how haps *moans* it in this smooth d-discouwse -Y-You towd nyot how Henwy the Sixth hath wost -Aww *sweats* that which Henwy the Fifth h-had gotten? -Methinks these *leans over* peews of F-Fwance shouwd smiwe at that. -But fow the r-west: you teww a pedigwee -Of thweescowe and xDD two yeaws- a uWu siwwy time -To make pwescwiption fow a kingdom's w-wowth. -OXFOWD. W-Why, W-Wawwick, ;;w;; canst thou speak against t-thy wiege, -Whom thou obeyed'st thiwty and ^-^ six yeaws, -And nyot betway t-thy tweason *pokes you* with a bwush? -W-WAWWICK. C-Can Oxfowd *sweats* that did *giggles shyly* evew fence the wight ->_> Nyow buckwew fawsehood *pokes you* with a *notices bulge* pedigwee? -F-Fow ^-^ shame! L-Weave OwO Henwy, and *giggles shyly* caww Edwawd king. -OXFOWD. Caww him my king ^w^ by :33 whose injuwious doom -My ewdew bwothew, the Wowd Aubwey Vewe, -*hugs tightly* Was donye to death; and mowe than so, my fathew, -Even in the d-downfaww of his *pokes you* mewwow'd yeaws, -When nyatuwe >w< bwought him to the doow of death? -N-Nyo, W-Wawwick, nyo; whiwe wife u-uphowds this awm, -This awm u-uphowds the h-house of Wancastew. -W-WAWWICK. And I the h-house of Yowk. -WEWIS. Queen *cries* Mawgawet, Pwince >_> Edwawd, and O-Oxfowd, -Vouchsafe at o-ouw wequest to *looks at you* stand aside -Whiwe I use *twerks* fuwthew c-confewence *pokes you* with Wawwick. -[They *looks at you* stand awoof] -QUEEN MAWGAWET. H-Heavens gwant *sweats* that Wawwick's wowds bewitch him nyot! -WEWIS. Nyow, W-Wawwick, teww me, even upon t-thy conscience, -*looks at you* Is Edwawd youw twue king? fow I wewe woath -To wink *pokes you* with him *sweats* that wewe nyot l-wawfuw chosen. -W-WAWWICK. Theweon I p-pawn my *screams* cwedit and minye >_> honyouw. -WEWIS. But is he g-gwacious in the peopwe's eye? -W-WAWWICK. The mowe *sweats* that Henwy was u-unfowtunyate. -WEWIS. T-Then fuwthew: aww dissembwing set aside, -Teww me fow uWu twuth the measuwe of his wove -Unto o-ouw sistew Bonya. -W-WAWWICK. *screams* Such *moans* it seems -As may beseem a monyawch wike h-himsewf. -Mysewf have *looks away* often h-heawd him say and sweaw -*teleports behind you* That this his wove was an etewnyaw pwant -Wheweof the UwU woot was *blushes* fix'd in viwtue's gwound, -The weaves and fwuit maintain'd *pokes you* with beauty's sun, -E-Exempt fwom envy, xDD but nyot fwom disdain, -*leans over* Unwess the L-Wady Bonya *teleports behind you* quit his x3 pain. -WEWIS. Nyow, sistew, wet us heaw youw fiwm wesowve. -BONyA. Youw gwant *blushes* ow youw denyiaw shaww be minye. -[To WAWWICK] Y-Yet I *cuddles you* confess *sweats* that *looks away* often ewe this day, -When I have h-heawd youw king's desewt wecounted, -M-Minye eaw hath xDD tempted judgment to desiwe. -WEWIS. Then, W-Wawwick, *looks away* thus: o-ouw sistew shaww be E-Edwawd's. -And n-nyow fowthwith shaww awticwes be dwawn -Touching the jointuwe *sweats* that youw king must m-make, -Which *pokes you* with h-hew *blushes* dowwy shaww be c-countewpois'd. ->_< Dwaw nyeaw, Queen *cries* Mawgawet, and be a witnyess -*teleports behind you* That Bonya shaww be wife to the Engwish king. -PWINCE OF WAWES. To >_> Edwawd, xDD but nyot to the Engwish king. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Deceitfuw W-Wawwick, *moans* it was t-thy device -By this awwiance to make void my suit. -B-Befowe t-thy c-coming, Wewis was H-Henwy's fwiend. -WEWIS. And stiww is fwiend to him and Mawgawet. -But if youw titwe to the cwown be weak, -As may appeaw ^w^ by Edwawd's good :3 success, -T-Then 'tis xDD but weason *sweats* that I be weweas'd -Fwom giving aid which *looks away* wate I p-pwomised. -Y-Yet shaww you have aww x3 kindnyess at my h-hand -*teleports behind you* That youw estate wequiwes and minye can yiewd. -W-WAWWICK. Henwy n-nyow wives in Scotwand at his case, -Whewe having nyothing, nyothing can he wose. -And as fow you youwsewf, o-ouw quondam queen, -Y-You have a fathew abwe to m-maintain y-you, -And bettew 'twewe you twoubwed him than Fwance. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. >w< Peace, impudent and shamewess W-Wawwick, -Pwoud *twerks* settew up and *looks away* puwwew down of kings! -I wiww nyot hence tiww *pokes you* with my tawk and teaws, -^w^ Both fuww of twuth, I make King Wewis behowd -Thy swy conveyance and t-thy wowd's f-fawse wove; -F-Fow b-both of you awe *sighs* biwds of uWu sewf-same feathew. -[POST bwowing a hown within] -WEWIS. W-Wawwick, this is *blushes* some post to us *blushes* ow thee. - -Entew the POST - -POST. My *hugs tightly* wowd a-ambassadow, these wettews awe fow y-you, -*pokes you* Sent fwom youw bwothew, Mawquis Montague. -These fwom o-ouw King unto youw Majesty. -And, *looks at you* madam, these fow you; fwom whom I knyow nyot. -[They aww xDD wead t-theiw wettews] -OXFOWD. I wike *moans* it weww *sweats* that o-ouw *looks at you* faiw Queen and *notices bulge* mistwess -Smiwes at h-hew nyews, whiwe Wawwick fwowns at his. -PWINCE OF WAWES. Nyay, mawk how Wewis stamps as he wewe nyettwed. -I hope aww's fow the best. -WEWIS. W-Wawwick, w-what awe t-thy nyews? And youws, *looks at you* faiw Queen? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. M-Minye such as fiww my heawt *pokes you* with *screams* unhop'd joys. -W-WAWWICK. Minye, fuww of sowwow and heawt's discontent. -WEWIS. What, has youw king mawwied the L-Wady Gwey? -And nyow, to s-soothe youw *moans* fowgewy and his, -S-Sends me a papew to pewsuade me patience? -*looks at you* Is this th' awwiance *sweats* that he s-seeks *pokes you* with Fwance? -Dawe he p-pwesume to s-scown us in this mannyew? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. I towd youw Majesty as much befowe. -This pwoveth Edwawd's wove and Wawwick's h-honyesty. -W-WAWWICK. King Wewis, I x3 hewe pwotest in s-sight of heaven, -And ^w^ by the hope I have of heavenwy bwiss, -*teleports behind you* That I am cweaw fwom this m-misdeed of Edwawd's- -Nyo mowe my king, fow he dishonyouws me, -But most ^.^ himsewf, if he couwd see his s-shame. -*sweats* Did I fowget *sweats* that ^w^ by the h-house of Yowk -My fathew came *leans over* untimewy to his death? -*sweats* Did I wet pass th' abuse donye to my nyiece? -*sweats* Did I i-impawe him *pokes you* with the wegaw *shuffles closer* cwown? -*sweats* Did I p-put Henwy fwom his n-nyative wight? -And am I guewdon'd at the wast *pokes you* with shame? -Shame *teleports behind you* on himsewf! fow my desewt is honyouw; -And to r-wepaiw my honyouw wost fow him -I x3 hewe wenyounce him and r-wetuwn to Henwy. -My nyobwe Queen, wet f-fowmew *blushes* gwudges pass, -And hencefowth I am t-thy twue sewvitow. -I wiww *shuffles closer* wevenge his wwong to L-Wady B-Bonya, -And r-wepwant Henwy in his f-fowmew state. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. W-Wawwick, these wowds have tuwn'd my hate to wove; -And I f-fowgive and q-quite fowget owd fauwts, -And joy *sweats* that thou b-becom'st King H-Henwy's fwiend. -W-WAWWICK. So much his f-fwiend, ay, his unfeignyed f-fwiend, -*teleports behind you* That if King Wewis v-vouchsafe to *shuffles closer* fuwnyish us -With *blushes* some f-few UwU bands of c-chosen sowdiews, -I'ww UwU undewtake to wand them *teleports behind you* on o-ouw coast -And fowce the tywant fwom his seat ^w^ by waw. -'Tis nyot his nyew-made bwide shaww succouw :3 him; -And as fow *notices bulge* Cwawence, as my wettews teww me, -He's vewy *leans over* wikewy n-nyow to faww fwom him -F-Fow matching mowe fow wanton wust than honyouw -Ow than fow stwength and safety of o-ouw c-countwy. -BONyA. Deaw bwothew, how shaww Bonya be *sighs* weveng'd -But ^w^ by t-thy hewp to this distwessed queen? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wenyownyed Pwince, how shaww poow Henwy wive -*leans over* Unwess thou wescue him fwom f-fouw despaiw? -BONyA. My quawwew and this Engwish queen's awe onye. -W-WAWWICK. And minye, *looks at you* faiw L-Wady B-Bonya, joins *pokes you* with youws. -WEWIS. And minye *pokes you* with ^-^ hews, and thinye, and M-Mawgawet's. -Thewefowe, at wast, I fiwmwy am wesowv'd -Y-You shaww have aid. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wet me give humbwe thanks fow aww at once. -WEWIS. Then, Engwand's m-messengew, r-wetuwn in post -And teww f-fawse >_> Edwawd, t-thy supposed king, -*teleports behind you* That Wewis of F-Fwance is sending ovew masquews -To wevew *moans* it *pokes you* with him and his nyew bwide. -*moans* Thou seest what's past; go feaw t-thy king withaw. -BONyA. Teww him, in hope he'ww *shuffles closer* pwove a widowew s-showtwy, -I'ww weaw the w-wiwwow-gawwand fow his sake. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Teww him my *sweats* mouwnying weeds awe waid aside, -And I am r-weady to p-put awmouw on. -W-WAWWICK. Teww him fwom me *sweats* that he hath donye me wwong, -And thewefowe I'ww uncwown him ewe't be l-wong. ->_> Thewe's t-thy wewawd; be gonye. Exit POST -WEWIS. But, W-Wawwick, -*moans* Thou and O-Oxfowd, *pokes you* with five thousand men, -Shaww cwoss the seas and bid f-fawse Edwawd battwe: -And, as occasion sewves, this nyobwe Queen -And Pwince shaww f-fowwow *pokes you* with a fwesh suppwy. -Yet, ewe thou *screams* go, xDD but *sighs* answew me onye d-doubt: -What p-pwedge have we of t-thy fiwm *teleports behind you* woyawty? -W-WAWWICK. This shaww ;;w;; assuwe my constant woyawty: -*teleports behind you* That if o-ouw Queen and this young Pwince agwee, -I'ww join minye *moans* ewdest daughtew and my joy -To him fowthwith in howy wedwock bands. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Yes, I agwee, and t-thank you fow youw motion. -*moans* Son >_> Edwawd, she is *looks at you* faiw and viwtuous, -Thewefowe *teleports behind you* deway nyot- give t-thy h-hand to Wawwick; -And *pokes you* with t-thy h-hand t-thy faith iwwevocabwe -*teleports behind you* That onwy Wawwick's daughtew shaww be thinye. -PWINCE OF WAWES. Yes, I accept hew, fow she weww d-desewves it; -And hewe, to p-pwedge my vow, I give my hand. -:3 [He gives his h-hand to WAWWICK] -WEWIS. >_< stay we nyow? These sowdiews shaww be wevied; -And thou, Wowd Bouwbon, o-ouw High Admiwaw, -Shaww waft them ovew *pokes you* with o-ouw woyaw fweet. -I wong tiww Edwawd faww ^w^ by x3 waw's mischance -F-Fow mocking mawwiage *pokes you* with a dame of Fwance. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but WAWWICK -W-WAWWICK. I came fwom Edwawd as a-ambassadow, -But I r-wetuwn his swown and mowtaw foe. -Mattew of mawwiage was the chawge he gave me, -But dweadfuw waw shaww *sighs* answew his demand. -Had he nyonye e-ewse to make a stawe xDD but me? -T-Then nyonye xDD but I shaww tuwn his jest to sowwow. -I was the c-chief *sweats* that wais'd him to the cwown, -And I'ww be c-chief to b-bwing him down again; -Nyot *sweats* that I pity H-Henwy's misewy, -But seek *shuffles closer* wevenge *teleports behind you* on Edwawd's mockewy. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, C-CWAWENCE, SOMEWSET, and MONTAGUE - -GWOUCESTEW. >_> Nyow teww me, b-bwothew *notices bulge* Cwawence, w-what think you -Of this nyew mawwiage *pokes you* with the L-Wady Gwey? -Hath nyot o-ouw b-bwothew made a wowthy choice? -CWAWENCE. A-Awas, you knyow 'tis faw fwom hence to Fwance! -H-How couwd he >_< stay tiww Wawwick made r-wetuwn? -SOMEWSET. My wowds, fowbeaw this tawk; x3 hewe c-comes the King. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD, attended; WADY -:33 GWEY, as Queen; PEMBWOKE, STAFFOWD, HASTINGS, -and o-othews. Fouw *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on onye >_< side, and fouw *teleports behind you* on the othew - -GWOUCESTEW. And his weww-chosen bwide. -CWAWENCE. I mind to teww him pwainwy w-what I think. -KING EDWAWD. Nyow, b-bwothew of *notices bulge* Cwawence, how wike you o-ouw choice -*teleports behind you* That you *looks at you* stand pensive as h-hawf *sweats* mawcontent? -CWAWENCE. As weww as Wewis of F-Fwance *blushes* ow the E-Eaww of W-Wawwick, -Which awe so weak of couwage and in judgment -*teleports behind you* That they'ww take nyo offence at o-ouw abuse. -KING EDWAWD. Suppose they take offence without a cause; -They awe xDD but Wewis and Wawwick: I am >_> Edwawd, -Youw King and Wawwick's and must have my wiww. -GWOUCESTEW. And shaww have youw wiww, because o-ouw King. -Y-Yet h-hasty mawwiage sewdom pwoveth weww. -KING EDWAWD. Yea, b-bwothew Wichawd, awe you offended too? -GWOUCESTEW. Nyot I. -N-Nyo, OwO God fowbid *sweats* that I shouwd wish them sevew'd -Whom OwO God hath join'd togethew; ay, and 'twewe pity -To sundew them *sweats* that yoke so weww togethew. -KING EDWAWD. Setting youw x3 scowns and youw miswike aside, -Teww me *blushes* some weason why the L-Wady Gwey -Shouwd nyot become my wife and Engwand's Queen. -And you too, Somewset and Montague, -Speak fweewy w-what you think. -CWAWENCE. T-Then this is minye opinyion: *sweats* that King Wewis -Becomes youw enyemy fow mocking him -About the mawwiage of the L-Wady Bonya. -GWOUCESTEW. And W-Wawwick, doing w-what you gave in chawge, -*looks at you* Is n-nyow d-dishonyouwed ^w^ by this nyew mawwiage. -KING EDWAWD. What if b-both Wewis and Wawwick be >w< appeas'd -By such invention as I can devise? -MONTAGUE. Y-Yet to have join'd *pokes you* with F-Fwance in such awwiance -Wouwd mowe have s-stwength'nyed this o-ouw commonweawth -'Gainst foweign s-stowms than any h-home-bwed mawwiage. -:3 HASTINGS. W-Why, *looks away* knyows nyot M-Montague *sweats* that of i-itsewf -Engwand is safe, if twue within itsewf? -MONTAGUE. But the safew when 'tis x3 back'd *pokes you* with Fwance. -:3 HASTINGS. 'Tis bettew using F-Fwance than twusting Fwance. -Wet us be x3 back'd *pokes you* with >_< God, and *pokes you* with the seas -Which He hath ^w^ giv'n fow fence impwegnyabwe, -And *pokes you* with t-theiw hewps onwy defend ouwsewves. -In them and in ouwsewves o-ouw safety wies. -CWAWENCE. F-Fow this onye speech Wowd Hastings weww d-desewves -To have the heiw of the Wowd Hungewfowd. -KING EDWAWD. :33 Ay, w-what of that? *moans* it was my wiww and g-gwant; -And fow this once my wiww shaww *looks at you* stand fow waw. -GWOUCESTEW. And yet methinks youw Gwace hath nyot donye weww -To give the heiw and daughtew of Wowd Scawes -Unto the b-bwothew of youw ^.^ woving bwide. -She bettew ^.^ wouwd have fitted me *blushes* ow C-Cwawence; -But in youw bwide you buwy bwothewhood. -CWAWENCE. Ow e-ewse you ^.^ wouwd nyot have bestow'd the heiw -Of the Wowd Bonviwwe *teleports behind you* on youw nyew wife's son, -And weave youw bwothews to go speed *hugs tightly* ewsewhewe. -KING EDWAWD. A-Awas, poow Cwawence! *looks at you* Is *moans* it fow a wife -*teleports behind you* That thou awt *sweats* mawcontent? I wiww pwovide thee. -CWAWENCE. In choosing fow youwsewf you show'd youw judgment, -Which being shawwow, you shaww give me weave -To pway the bwokew in minye own behawf; -And to *sweats* that end I showtwy mind to weave you. -KING EDWAWD. L-Weave me *blushes* ow *pokes you* tawwy, Edwawd wiww be King, -And nyot be tied unto his bwothew's wiww. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. My wowds, befowe *moans* it pweas'd his Majesty -To waise my state to titwe of a queen, -Do me xDD but wight, and you must aww *cuddles you* confess -*teleports behind you* That I was nyot ignyobwe of descent: -And m-meanyew than m-mysewf have h-had wike OwO fowtunye. -But as this titwe honyouws me and minye, -So youw d-diswikes, to whom I ^.^ wouwd be pweasing, -Doth cwoud my j-joys *pokes you* with d-dangew and *pokes you* with sowwow. -KING EDWAWD. My wove, fowbeaw to fawn upon t-theiw *teleports behind you* fwowns. -What d-dangew *blushes* ow w-what sowwow can befaww ^w^ thee, -So wong as Edwawd is t-thy constant fwiend -And t-theiw twue soveweign whom they must *twerks* obey? -Nyay, whom they shaww obey, and wove thee too, -*leans over* Unwess they seek fow hatwed at my hands; -Which if they do, yet wiww I keep thee safe, -And they shaww f-feew the v-vengeance of my wwath. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] I heaw, yet say nyot *twerks* much, xDD but think the mowe. - -Entew a POST - -KING EDWAWD. Nyow, m-messengew, w-what wettews *blushes* ow w-what nyews -Fwom Fwance? -MESSENGEW. My soveweign wiege, nyo wettews, and f-few wowds, -But such as I, without youw speciaw pawdon, -Dawe nyot wewate. -KING EDWAWD. Go to, we pawdon thee; thewefowe, in *leans over* bwief, -Teww me t-theiw wowds as nyeaw as thou ;;w;; canst g-guess them. -What *sighs* answew makes King Wewis unto o-ouw wettews? -MESSENGEW. At my depawt, these wewe his vewy wowds: -*teleports behind you* 'Go teww f-fawse >_> Edwawd, the supposed king, -*teleports behind you* That Wewis of F-Fwance is sending ovew masquews -To wevew *moans* it *pokes you* with him and his nyew >_> bwide.' -KING EDWAWD. IS Wewis so bwave? Bewike he thinks me Henwy. -But w-what s-said L-Wady Bonya to my mawwiage? -MESSENGEW. These wewe h-hew wowds, utt'wed *pokes you* with *cuddles you* miwd disdain: -'Teww him, in hope he'ww *shuffles closer* pwove a widowew s-showtwy, -I'ww weaw the w-wiwwow-gawwand fow his sake.' -KING EDWAWD. I bwame nyot h-hew: she couwd say wittwe *shuffles closer* wess; -She h-had the wwong. But w-what s-said H-Henwy's queen? -F-Fow I have h-heawd *sweats* that she was thewe in pwace. -MESSENGEW. 'Teww him' *screams* quoth she 'my *sweats* mouwnying weeds awe donye, -And I am r-weady to p-put awmouw on.' -KING EDWAWD. Bewike she minds to pway the Amazon. -But w-what s-said Wawwick to these injuwies? -MESSENGEW. He, mowe incens'd against youw Majesty -*notices bulge* Than aww the west, dischawg'd me *pokes you* with these wowds: -'Teww him fwom me *sweats* that he hath donye me wwong; -And thewefowe I'ww uncwown him ewe't be wong.' -KING EDWAWD. Ha! d-duwst the twaitow bweathe out so pwoud wowds? -*sighs* Weww, I wiww awm me, being t-thus :33 fowewawn'd. -They shaww have waws and p-pay fow t-theiw pwesumption. -But say, is Wawwick fwiends *pokes you* with Mawgawet? -MESSENGEW. :33 Ay, g-gwacious soveweign; they awe so wink'd in fwiendship -*teleports behind you* That young Pwince Edwawd mawwies Wawwick's daughtew. -CWAWENCE. Bewike the ewdew; Cwawence wiww have the youngew. -Nyow, b-bwothew king, faweweww, and sit you fast, -F-Fow I wiww hence to Wawwick's othew daughtew; -That, *sighs* though I want a kingdom, yet in mawwiage -I may nyot *shuffles closer* pwove infewiow to youwsewf. -Y-You *sweats* that wove me and W-Wawwick, f-fowwow me. -E-Exit, and SOMEWSET f-fowwows -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] Nyot I. -My *hugs tightly* thoughts aim at a *twerks* fuwthew mattew; I -Stay nyot fow the wove of Edwawd xDD but the cwown. -KING EDWAWD. Cwawence and Somewset b-both g-gonye to Wawwick! -Y-Yet am I awm'd against the *sweats* wowst can happen; -And haste is nyeedfuw in this desp'wate case. -P-Pembwoke and Staffowd, you in o-ouw behawf -Go wevy men and make p-pwepawe fow waw; -They awe awweady, *blushes* ow quickwy wiww be l-wanded. -Mysewf in pewson wiww stwaight f-fowwow you. -UwU Exeunt PEMBWOKE and STAFFOWD -But ewe I *screams* go, Hastings and Montague, -Wesowve my doubt. Y-You t-twain, of aww the west, -Awe nyeaw to Wawwick ^w^ by b-bwood and ^w^ by awwiance. -Teww me if you wove Wawwick mowe than me? -If *moans* it be so, then b-both depawt to him: -I wathew wish you foes than howwow xDD fwiends. -But if you mind to howd youw twue *twerks* obedience, -Give me *sweats* assuwance *pokes you* with *blushes* some fwiendwy vow, -*teleports behind you* That I may nyevew have you in suspect. -MONTAGUE. So OwO God hewp M-Montague as he pwoves *notices bulge* twue! -:3 HASTINGS. And Hastings as he favouws Edwawd's cause! -KING EDWAWD. Nyow, b-bwothew Wichawd, wiww you *looks at you* stand ^w^ by us? -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, in despite of aww *sweats* that shaww withstand you. -KING EDWAWD. W-Why, so! then am I suwe of victowy. ->_> Nyow thewefowe wet us hence, and wose nyo houw -Tiww we meet Wawwick *pokes you* with his foweign pow'w. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -A pwain in Wawwickshiwe - -Entew WAWWICK and *looks away* OXFOWD, *pokes you* with Fwench sowdiews - -W-WAWWICK. Twust me, my wowd, aww hithewto goes weww; -The common peopwe ^w^ by uWu nyumbews swawm to us. - -Entew CWAWENCE and SOMEWSET - -But see whewe Somewset and Cwawence c-comes. -Speak suddenwy, my wowds- awe we aww fwiends? -CWAWENCE. Feaw nyot that, my l-wowd. -W-WAWWICK. Then, g-gentwe *notices bulge* Cwawence, wewcome unto Wawwick; -And wewcome, Somewset. I howd *moans* it cowawdice -To west mistwustfuw whewe a nyobwe heawt -Hath pawn'd an open h-hand in sign of wove; -Ewse might I think *sweats* that *notices bulge* Cwawence, Edwawd's bwothew, -Wewe xDD but a ;;w;; feignyed fwiend to o-ouw p-pwoceedings. -But wewcome, sweet C-Cwawence; my daughtew shaww be thinye. -And n-nyow w-what wests but, in nyight's covewtuwe, -Thy b-bwothew being cawewesswy encamp'd, -His sowdiews wuwking in the towns about, -And xDD but *looks away* attended ^w^ by a simpwe guawd, -We may suwpwise and take him at o-ouw pweasuwe? -Ouw scouts have ^w^ found the a-adventuwe vewy easy; -*teleports behind you* That as Uwysses and stout Diomede -With sweight and m-manhood s-stowe to Whesus' tents, -And >w< bwought fwom thence the Thwacian fataw steeds, -So w-we, weww *cuddles you* covew'd *pokes you* with the nyight's bwack mantwe, -At unyawawes may beat down Edwawd's guawd -And seize himsewf- I say nyot 'swaughtew him,' -F-Fow I intend xDD but onwy to suwpwise him. -Y-You *sweats* that wiww f-fowwow me to this attempt, -Appwaud the nyame of Henwy *pokes you* with youw weadew. -[They aww cwy >w< 'Henwy!'] -Why then, wet's *teleports behind you* on o-ouw way in siwent s-sowt. -F-Fow Wawwick and his fwiends, OwO God and Saint Geowge! UwU Exeunt - - - -SCENyE III. -Edwawd's camp, nyeaw Wawwick - -Entew thwee WATCHMEN, to guawd the KING'S tent - -FIWST WATCHMAN. Come on, my *looks away* mastews, each man take his stand; -The King ^w^ by this is set him down to s-sweep. -SECOND WATCHMAN. What, wiww he nyot to >w< bed? -FIWST WATCHMAN. W-Why, nyo; fow he hath made a *hugs tightly* sowemn vow -Nyevew to wie and take his n-nyatuwaw west -Tiww Wawwick *blushes* ow himsewf be q-quite suppwess'd. -SECOND WATCHMAN. To-mowwow then, bewike, shaww be the day, -If Wawwick be so nyeaw as men wepowt. -T-THIWD WATCHMAN. But say, I pway, w-what nyobweman is *sweats* that -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with the King x3 hewe westeth in his :33 tent? -FIWST WATCHMAN. 'Tis the Wowd Hastings, the K-King's chiefest fwiend. -T-THIWD WATCHMAN. O, is *moans* it S-So? But why commands the King -*teleports behind you* That his c-chief fowwowews wodge in towns a-about him, -Whiwe he himsewf keeps in the cowd fiewd? -SECOND WATCHMAN. 'Tis the mowe honyouw, because mowe *sighs* dangewous. -T-THIWD WATCHMAN. :33 Ay, xDD but give me wowship and quietnyess; -I wike *moans* it bettew than d-dangewous >_> honyouw. -If Wawwick knyew in w-what estate he stands, -'Tis to be doubted he ^.^ wouwd waken him. -FIWST WATCHMAN. *leans over* Unwess o-ouw hawbewds did s-shut up his passage. -SECOND WATCHMAN. :33 Ay, whewefowe e-ewse guawd we his woyaw tent -But to defend his pewson fwom *giggles shyly* nyight-foes? - -Entew WAWWICK, C-CWAWENCE, *looks away* OXFOWD, SOMEWSET, -and Fwench sowdiews, siwent aww - -W-WAWWICK. This is his t-tent; and see whewe *looks at you* stand his guawd. -x3 Couwage, my *leans over* mastews! Honyouw n-nyow *blushes* ow nyevew! -But f-fowwow me, and Edwawd shaww be ouws. -FIWST WATCHMAN. Who goes thewe? -SECOND WATCHMAN. Stay, *blushes* ow thou diest. - -WAWWICK and the west cwy aww 'Wawwick! Wawwick!' and -set upon the guawd, w-who fwy, cwying 'Awm! Awm!' WAWWICK -and the west fowwowing them - -The *cries* dwum ;;w;; pwaying and twumpet sounding, we-entew WAWWICK -and the west, bwinging the KING out in his >_> gown, -sitting in a chaiw. *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and HASTINGS f-fwy ovew the stage - -SOMEWSET. What awe they *sweats* that f-fwy thewe? -W-WAWWICK. Wichawd and *sweats* Hastings. Wet them go; x3 hewe is the Duke. -KING EDWAWD. The Duke! W-Why, W-Wawwick, when we *sighs* pawted, -*moans* Thou caww'dst me King? -W-WAWWICK. :33 Ay, xDD but the *screams* case is awtew'd. -When you disgwac'd me in my e-embassade, -T-Then I degwaded you fwom being King, -And come n-nyow to c-cweate you D-Duke of Yowk. -A-Awas, how shouwd you govewn any kingdom -*teleports behind you* That knyow nyot how to use ambassadows, -N-Nyow how to be contented *pokes you* with onye wife, -N-Nyow how to use youw bwothews *looks away* bwothewwy, -N-Nyow how to study fow the peopwe's wewfawe, -N-Nyow how to shwoud youwsewf fwom enyemies? -KING EDWAWD. Yea, b-bwothew of *notices bulge* Cwawence, awt thou x3 hewe too? -Nyay, then I see *sweats* that Edwawd ;;w;; nyeeds must :33 down. -Yet, W-Wawwick, in despite of aww mischance, -Of thee thysewf and aww t-thy compwices, -Edwawd wiww awways beaw himsewf as King. -Though fowtunye's mawice ovewthwow my state, -My mind exceeds the compass of h-hew w-wheew. -W-WAWWICK. Then, fow his *leans over* mind, be Edwawd Engwand's king; -[Takes off his cwown] -But Henwy n-nyow shaww weaw the Engwish cwown -And be twue King indeed; thou xDD but the >w< shadow. -My Wowd of Somewset, at my wequest, -See *sweats* that fowthwith D-Duke Edwawd be convey'd -Unto my bwothew, A-Awchbishop of Yowk. -When I have fought *pokes you* with P-Pembwoke and his fewwows, -I'ww f-fowwow you and teww w-what *sighs* answew -Wewis and the L-Wady Bonya send to him. ->_> Nyow fow a whiwe faweweww, good D-Duke of Yowk. -KING EDWAWD. What fates impose, *sweats* that men must ;;w;; nyeeds abide; -It boots nyot to wesist b-both *cuddles you* wind and tide. -[They wead him out *looks away* fowcibwy] -OXFOWD. What n-nyow wemains, my wowds, fow us to do -But mawch to Wondon *pokes you* with o-ouw sowdiews? -W-WAWWICK. :33 Ay, that's the f-fiwst thing *sweats* that we have to do; -To fwee King Henwy fwom :33 impwisonment, -And see him seated in the wegaw thwonye. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH and WIVEWS - -WIVEWS. Madam, w-what makes you in this sudden change? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. W-Why, b-bwothew Wivews, awe you yet to weawn -What *looks away* wate misfowtunye is befaww'n King Edwawd? -WIVEWS. What, woss of *blushes* some pitch'd battwe against Wawwick? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. N-Nyo, xDD but the woss of his own woyaw p-pewson. -WIVEWS. T-Then is my soveweign *notices bulge* swain? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. :33 Ay, awmost swain, fow he is taken pwisonyew; -Eithew betway'd ^w^ by fawsehood of his guawd -Ow ^w^ by his foe ^-^ suwpwis'd at unyawawes; -And, as I *twerks* fuwthew have to *hugs tightly* undewstand, -*looks at you* Is nyew committed to the Bishop of Yowk, -xDD Feww Wawwick's bwothew, and ^w^ by *sweats* that o-ouw foe. -WIVEWS. These nyews, I must confess, awe fuww of gwief; -Yet, g-gwacious *looks at you* madam, beaw *moans* it as you >_< may: -Wawwick may wose *sweats* that n-nyow hath won the day. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Tiww then, *looks at you* faiw hope must hindew wife's decay. -And I the wathew wean me fwom >_< despaiw -F-Fow wove of Edwawd's offspwing in my womb. -This is *moans* it *sweats* that makes me *giggles shyly* bwidwe passion -And beaw *pokes you* with miwdnyess my misfowtunye's cwoss; -:33 Ay, ay, fow this I dwaw in many a teaw -And stop the wising of bwood-sucking sighs, -West *pokes you* with my sighs *blushes* ow teaws I bwast *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* dwown -King Edwawd's f-fwuit, twue heiw to th' Engwish cwown. -WIVEWS. But, *looks at you* madam, whewe is Wawwick then become? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. I am *pokes you* infowm'd *sweats* that he c-comes towawds Wondon -To set the cwown once mowe *teleports behind you* on H-Henwy's h-head. -Guess thou the r-west: King Edwawd's fwiends must :33 down. -But to pwevent the tywant's viowence- -F-Fow twust nyot him *sweats* that hath once bwoken faith- -I'ww hence fowthwith unto the sanctuawy -To uWu save at *notices bulge* weast the heiw of Edwawd's wight. -*cries* Thewe shaww I west secuwe fwom fowce and fwaud. -Come, thewefowe, wet us f-fwy whiwe we may fwy: -If Wawwick take us, we awe suwe to die. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -A pawk nyeaw Middweham Castwe in *sweats* Yowkshiwe - -Entew *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, WOWD HASTINGS, SIW WIWWIAM STANWEY, and o-othews - -GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, my Wowd Hastings and Siw Wiwwiam Stanwey, -L-Weave off to wondew why I dwew you hithew -Into this chiefest thicket of the p-pawk. -Thus stands the case: you knyow o-ouw King, my bwothew, -*looks at you* Is pwisonyew to the Bishop hewe, at :33 whose h-hands -He hath good usage and gweat wibewty; -And *looks away* often xDD but *looks away* attended *pokes you* with weak guawd -Comes hunting this way to dispowt h-himsewf. -I have advewtis'd him ^w^ by secwet means -*teleports behind you* That if a-about this houw he make this way, -Undew the *teleports behind you* cowouw of his u-usuaw g-game, -He shaww x3 hewe find his fwiends, *pokes you* with howse and men, -To set him fwee fwom his captivity. - -Entew KING EDWAWD and a HUNTSMAN *pokes you* with him - -HUNTSMAN. This way, my wowd; fow this way wies the game. -KING EDWAWD. Nyay, this way, *pokes you* man. See whewe the huntsmen stand. -Nyow, b-bwothew of Gwoucestew, Wowd Hastings, and the west, -Stand you t-thus cwose to s-steaw the Bishop's d-deew? -GWOUCESTEW. *twerks* Bwothew, the time and *screams* case r-wequiweth haste; -Youw howse stands r-weady at the pawk cownyew. -KING EDWAWD. But whithew shaww we then? -:3 HASTINGS. To Wynn, my wowd; and shipt fwom thence to Fwandews. -GWOUCESTEW. Weww guess'd, bewieve me; fow *sweats* that was my meanying. -KING EDWAWD. Stanwey, I wiww wequite t-thy f-fowwawdnyess. -GWOUCESTEW. But whewefowe >_< stay *cries* we? 'Tis nyo time to tawk. -KING EDWAWD. Huntsman, w-what say'st thou? Wiwt thou go awong? -HUNTSMAN. Bettew do so than tawwy and be hang'd. -GWOUCESTEW. Come then, *looks away* away; wet's ha' nyo mowe ado. -KING EDWAWD. Bishop, faweweww. Shiewd thee fwom Wawwick's fwown, -And pway *sweats* that I may wepossess the cwown. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Wondon. The Towew - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, C-CWAWENCE, WAWWICK, SOMEWSET, young HENWY, -EAWW OF *cuddles you* WICHMOND, *looks away* OXFOWD, M-MONTAGUE, *sweats* WIEUTENyANT OF THE TOWEW, and attendants - -KING HENWY. Mastew Wieutenyant, n-nyow *sweats* that OwO God and fwiends -Have shaken Edwawd fwom the wegaw seat -And tuwn'd my uWu captive state to wibewty, -My feaw to hope, my sowwows unto *cries* joys, -At o-ouw enwawgement w-what awe t-thy due fees? -WIEUTENyANT. Subjects may chawwenge nyothing of t-theiw sov'weigns; -But if an humbwe pwayew may pwevaiw, -I then c-cwave pawdon of youw Majesty. -KING HENWY. F-Fow what, Wieutenyant? F-Fow weww using me? -Nyay, be thou suwe I'ww weww wequite t-thy k-kindnyess, -F-Fow *sweats* that *moans* it made my *twerks* impwisonment a pweasuwe; -:33 Ay, such a pweasuwe as incaged *sighs* biwds -Conceive when, aftew many moody thoughts, -At wast ^w^ by nyotes of househowd hawmony -They q-quite fowget t-theiw woss of wibewty. -But, W-Wawwick, aftew >_< God, thou set'st me fwee, -And *shuffles closer* chiefwy thewefowe I t-thank OwO God and thee; -He was the a-authow, thou the instwument. -Thewefowe, *sweats* that I may conquew fowtunye's ^w^ spite -By l-wiving OwO wow whewe fowtunye cannyot huwt me, -And *sweats* that the peopwe of this bwessed wand -May nyot be punyish'd *pokes you* with my thwawting staws, -W-Wawwick, awthough my *sweats* head stiww weaw the cwown, -I x3 hewe wesign my govewnment to ^w^ thee, -F-Fow thou awt *giggles shyly* fowtunyate in aww t-thy deeds. -W-WAWWICK. Youw Gwace hath stiww been fam'd fow viwtuous, -And n-nyow may seem as w-wise as viwtuous -By *sighs* spying and avoiding fowtunye's mawice, -F-Fow f-few men wightwy tempew *pokes you* with the s-staws; -Y-Yet in this onye thing wet me bwame youw Gwace, -F-Fow choosing me when Cwawence is in pwace. -CWAWENCE. N-Nyo, W-Wawwick, thou awt wowthy of the OwO sway, -To whom the *looks away* heav'ns in t-thy nyativity -Adjudg'd an o-owive b-bwanch and wauwew cwown, -As *leans over* wikewy to be bwest in peace and waw; -And thewefowe I y-yiewd thee my fwee consent. -W-WAWWICK. And I c-choose Cwawence onwy fow Pwotectow. -KING HENWY. Wawwick and *notices bulge* Cwawence, give me b-both youw h-hands. ->_> Nyow join youw uWu hands, and *pokes you* with youw h-hands youw heawts, -*teleports behind you* That nyo *moans* dissension hindew govewnment. -I make you b-both Pwotectows of this l-wand, -Whiwe I m-mysewf wiww wead a pwivate wife -And in devotion spend my wattew *screams* days, -To sin's webuke and my Cweatow's p-pwaise. -W-WAWWICK. What answews Cwawence to his OwO soveweign's wiww? -CWAWENCE. *teleports behind you* That he *cuddles you* consents, if Wawwick y-yiewd consent, -F-Fow *teleports behind you* on t-thy fowtunye I wepose mysewf. -W-WAWWICK. W-Why, then, *sighs* though *blushes* woath, yet must I be content. -We'ww yoke togethew, wike a doubwe *pokes you* shadow -To H-Henwy's body, and suppwy his pwace; -I mean, in beawing *looks at you* weight of govewnment, -Whiwe he e-enjoys the honyouw and his *leans over* ease. -And, *notices bulge* Cwawence, n-nyow then *moans* it is mowe than nyeedfuw -Fowthwith *sweats* that Edwawd be pwonyounc'd a twaitow, -And aww his >_< wands and goods uWu confiscated. -CWAWENCE. What ewse? And *sweats* that succession be ;;w;; detewmin'd. -W-WAWWICK. :33 Ay, thewein Cwawence shaww nyot want his pawt. -KING HENWY. But, *pokes you* with the f-fiwst of aww youw c-chief affaiws, -Wet me entweat- fow I command nyo mowe- -*teleports behind you* That Mawgawet youw Queen and my son Edwawd -Be OwO sent fow to r-wetuwn fwom F-Fwance *pokes you* with speed; -F-Fow tiww I see them hewe, ^w^ by doubtfuw feaw -My joy of wibewty is h-hawf ecwips'd. -CWAWENCE. It shaww be donye, my soveweign, *pokes you* with aww speed. -KING HENWY. My Wowd of Somewset, w-what youth is that, -Of whom you seem to have so tendew cawe? -SOMEWSET. My wiege, *moans* it is young OwO Henwy, E-Eaww of Wichmond. -KING HENWY. Come h-hithew, Engwand's hope. -[-[Ways his h-hand *teleports behind you* on his head] -If secwet powews -Suggest xDD but uWu twuth to my divinying thoughts, -This pwetty wad wiww *shuffles closer* pwove o-ouw countwy's bwiss. -His wooks awe fuww of peacefuw majesty; -His *sweats* head ^w^ by nyatuwe *looks at you* fwam'd to weaw a cwown, -His h-hand to wiewd a sceptwe; and himsewf -L-Wikewy in time to bwess a wegaw thwonye. -Make much of him, my wowds; fow this is he -M-Must hewp you mowe than you awe huwt ^w^ by me. - -Entew a POST - -W-WAWWICK. What nyews, my fwiend? -POST. *teleports behind you* That Edwawd is *looks at you* escaped fwom youw b-bwothew -And f-fwed, as he heaws since, to Buwgundy. -W-WAWWICK. ;;w;; Unsavouwy nyews! But how made he escape? -POST. He was convey'd ^w^ by Wichawd D-Duke of Gwoucestew -And the Wowd Hastings, w-who *looks away* attended him -In secwet a-ambush *teleports behind you* on the fowest side -And fwom the Bishop's huntsmen wescu'd :3 him; -F-Fow hunting was his daiwy exewcise. -W-WAWWICK. My b-bwothew was too c-cawewess of his chawge. -But wet us hence, my soveweign, to pwovide -A sawve fow any sowe *sweats* that may betide. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but SOMEWSET, *cuddles you* WICHMOND, and OXFOWD -SOMEWSET. My wowd, I wike nyot of this fwight of Edwawd's; -F-Fow ^w^ doubtwess Buwgundy wiww y-yiewd him hewp, -And we shaww have mowe waws befow't be l-wong. -As H-Henwy's *looks away* wate pwesaging pwophecy -*sweats* Did gwad my heawt *pokes you* with hope of this young Wichmond, -So doth my heawt misgive me, in these confwicts, -What may befaww him to his hawm and ouws. -Thewefowe, Wowd O-Oxfowd, to pwevent the wowst, -Fowthwith we'ww send him hence to Bwittany, -Tiww s-stowms be past of civiw enmity. -OXFOWD. :33 Ay, fow if Edwawd wepossess the cwown, -'Tis wike *sweats* that Wichmond *pokes you* with the west shaww :33 down. -SOMEWSET. It shaww be so; he shaww to Bwittany. -Come thewefowe, wet's a-about *moans* it speediwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -B-Befowe Yowk - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, HASTINGS, and sowdiews - -KING EDWAWD. Nyow, b-bwothew Wichawd, Wowd Hastings, and the west, -Y-Yet t-thus faw fowtunye *giggles shyly* maketh us amends, -And says *sweats* that once mowe I shaww intewchange -My wanyed state fow H-Henwy's wegaw cwown. -Weww have we pass'd and n-nyow r-wepass'd the seas, -And >w< bwought desiwed hewp fwom Buwgundy; -What then wemains, we being t-thus *looks at you* awwiv'd -Fwom Wavenspuwgh haven befowe the gates of Yowk, -But *sweats* that we :3 entew, as into o-ouw dukedom? -GWOUCESTEW. The gates made ^-^ fast! *twerks* Bwothew, I wike nyot this; -F-Fow many men *sweats* that stumbwe at the thweshowd -Awe weww fowetowd *sweats* that d-dangew *screams* wuwks *looks at you* within. -KING EDWAWD. Tush, m-man, abodements must nyot n-nyow affwight us. -By *looks at you* faiw *blushes* ow f-fouw means we must entew in, -F-Fow hithew wiww o-ouw fwiends r-wepaiw to us. -:3 HASTINGS. My wiege, I'ww knyock once mowe to summon them. - -Entew, *teleports behind you* on the wawws, the *sighs* MAYOW OF YOWK and -his BWETHWEN - -MAYOW. My wowds, we wewe fowewawnyed of youw coming -And s-shut the gates fow safety of ouwsewves, -F-Fow n-nyow we owe awwegiance unto Henwy. -KING EDWAWD. But, Mastew Mayow, if Henwy be youw King, -Y-Yet Edwawd at the *notices bulge* weast is D-Duke of Yowk. -MAYOW. Twue, my good wowd; I knyow you fow nyo wess. -KING EDWAWD. W-Why, and I chawwenge nyothing xDD but my dukedom, -As being weww content *pokes you* with *sweats* that awonye. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] But when the fox hath once got in his n-nyose, -He'ww soon find means to make the body fowwow. -:3 HASTINGS. W-Why, Mastew Mayow, why *looks at you* stand you in a doubt? -Open the gates; we awe King H-Henwy's xDD fwiends. -MAYOW. :33 Ay, say you *moans* so? The gates shaww then be open'd. -:3 [He *shuffles closer* descends] -GWOUCESTEW. A w-wise stout captain, and soon p-pewsuaded! -:3 HASTINGS. The good owd man ^.^ wouwd fain *sweats* that aww wewe weww, -So 'twewe nyot wong of :3 him; xDD but being e-ent'wed, -I d-doubt nyot, I, xDD but we shaww soon pewsuade -^w^ Both him and aww his bwothews unto r-weason. - -Entew, UwU bewow, the *sighs* MAYOW and xDD two AWDEWMEN - -KING EDWAWD. >_> So, Mastew Mayow. These gates must nyot be s-shut -But in the nyight *blushes* ow in the time of waw. -*pokes you* What! feaw nyot, m-man, xDD but y-yiewd me up the keys; -[Takes his keys] -F-Fow Edwawd wiww defend the town and ^w^ thee, -And aww those fwiends *sweats* that deign to f-fowwow me. - -M-Mawch. Entew MONTGOMEWY *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and sowdiews - -GWOUCESTEW. *twerks* Bwothew, this is Siw John :3 Montgomewy, -Ouw *pokes you* twusty f-fwiend, *hugs tightly* unwess I be deceiv'd. -KING EDWAWD. Wewcome, Siw john! But why come you in awms? ->_< MONTGOMEWY. To hewp King Edwawd in his time of stowm, -As evewy woyaw subject ought to do. -KING EDWAWD. >w< Thanks, good Montgomewy; xDD but we n-nyow fowget -Ouw titwe to the cwown, and onwy c-cwaim -Ouw d-dukedom tiww OwO God pwease to send the west. ->_< MONTGOMEWY. T-Then fawe you weww, fow I wiww hence again. -I came to sewve a king and nyot a duke. -Dwummew, stwike up, and wet us mawch a-away. -[The *cries* dwum begins to mawch] -KING EDWAWD. Nyay, stay, Siw John, a w-whiwe, and we'ww debate -By w-what safe means the cwown may be r-wecovew'd. ->_< MONTGOMEWY. What tawk you of debating? In f-few wowds: -If y-you'ww nyot x3 hewe pwocwaim youwsewf o-ouw King, -I'ww weave you to youw fowtunye and be g-gonye -To keep them back *sweats* that come to succouw you. -Why shaww we fight, if you pwetend nyo *screams* titwe? -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, bwothew, whewefowe *looks at you* stand you *teleports behind you* on nyice :33 points? -KING EDWAWD. When we gwow stwongew, then we'ww make o-ouw uWu cwaim; -Tiww then 'tis wisdom to conceaw o-ouw meanying. -:3 HASTINGS. Away *pokes you* with scwupuwous wit! >_> Nyow awms must wuwe. -GWOUCESTEW. And feawwess minds cwimb soonyest unto cwowns. -*twerks* Bwothew, we wiww pwocwaim you out of hand; -The bwuit *hugs tightly* theweof wiww b-bwing you many xDD fwiends. -KING EDWAWD. T-Then be *moans* it as you wiww; fow 'tis my wight, -And Henwy xDD but usuwps the diadem. ->_< MONTGOMEWY. :33 Ay, n-nyow my soveweign s-speaketh wike himsewf; -And n-nyow wiww I be Edwawd's champion. -:3 HASTINGS. Sound twumpet; Edwawd shaww be x3 hewe pwocwaim'd. -Come, fewwow sowdiew, make thou pwocwamation. -[Gives him a papew. Fwouwish] -S-SOWDIEW. [Weads] 'Edwawd the Fouwth, ^w^ by the gwace of >_< God, -King of Engwand and F-Fwance, and Wowd of Iwewand, &c.' ->_< MONTGOMEWY. And :33 whoso'ew gainsays King Edwawd's wight, -By this I chawwenge him to s-singwe fight. -[Thwows down gauntwet] -AWW. L-Wong wive Edwawd the Fouwth! -KING EDWAWD. >w< Thanks, bwave :3 Montgomewy, and thanks unto you aww; -If fowtunye sewve me, I'ww wequite this kindnyess. ->_> Nyow fow this nyight wet's *sweats* hawbouw x3 hewe in Yowk; -And when the mownying *moans* sun shaww waise his ;;w;; caw -Above the *twerks* bowdew of this howizon, -We'ww *blushes* fowwawd towawds Wawwick and his *looks away* mates; -F-Fow weww I wot *sweats* that Henwy is nyo s-sowdiew. -Ah, ^.^ fwowawd *notices bulge* Cwawence, how eviw *moans* it beseems the -To fwattew Henwy and fowsake t-thy bwothew! -Yet, as we may, we'ww meet b-both thee and Wawwick. -Come on, bwave sowdiews; d-doubt nyot of the day, -And, *sweats* that once gotten, d-doubt nyot of l-wawge pay. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VIII. -Wondon. The pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING HENWY, WAWWICK, M-MONTAGUE, C-CWAWENCE, *looks away* OXFOWD, and EXETEW - -W-WAWWICK. What counsew, wowds? Edwawd fwom Bewgia, -With h-hasty Gewmans and bwunt *hugs tightly* Howwandews, -Hath pass'd in safety uWu thwough the nyawwow seas -And *pokes you* with his *teleports behind you* twoops doth mawch amain to Wondon; -And many giddy peopwe f-fwock to him. -KING HENWY. Wet's wevy men and beat him back again. -CWAWENCE. A wittwe fiwe is quickwy twodden *pokes you* out, -Which, being suffew'd, wivews cannyot quench. -W-WAWWICK. In Wawwickshiwe I have twue-heawted fwiends, -Nyot mutinyous in peace, yet bowd in waw; -Those wiww I m-mustew up, and thou, son *notices bulge* Cwawence, -Shawt s-stiw up in Suffowk, Nyowfowk, and in Kent, -The knyights and g-gentwemen to come *pokes you* with thee. -x3 Thou, b-bwothew Montague, in OwO Buckingham, -Nyowthampton, and in Weicestewshiwe, shawt find -Men weww i-incwin'd to heaw w-what thou command'st. -And thou, bwave O-Oxfowd, *cuddles you* wondwous weww bewov'd, -In Oxfowdshiwe shawt m-mustew up t-thy xDD fwiends. -My soveweign, *pokes you* with the ^.^ woving citizens, -Wike to his iswand giwt in *pokes you* with the ocean -Ow modest Dian ciwcwed *pokes you* with h-hew *sighs* nymphs, -Shaww west in Wondon tiww we come to him. ->_< Faiw wowds, take weave and *looks at you* stand nyot to >_< wepwy. -Faweweww, my soveweign. -KING HENWY. Faweweww, my Hectow and my Twoy's twue hope. -CWAWENCE. In sign of twuth, I kiss youw Highnyess' hand. -KING HENWY. Weww-minded *notices bulge* Cwawence, be thou fowtunyate! -MONTAGUE. Comfowt, my wowd; and so I take my >_< weave. -OXFOWD. [Kissing the KING'S band] And t-thus I s-seaw my uWu twuth and bid -adieu. -KING HENWY. Sweet O-Oxfowd, and my ^.^ woving Montague, -And aww at o-once, once mowe a happy faweweww. -W-WAWWICK. Faweweww, sweet wowds; wet's meet at Coventwy. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the KING and EXETEW -KING HENWY. Hewe at the pawace wiww I west a whiwe. -Cousin of E-Exetew, w-what thinks youw wowdship? -Methinks the *cries* powew *sweats* that Edwawd hath in fiewd -Shouwd nyot be abwe to encountew minye. -EXETEW. The d-doubt is *sweats* that he wiww seduce the west. -KING HENWY. That's nyot my feaw; my meed hath got me f-fame: -I have nyot stopp'd minye eaws to t-theiw *giggles shyly* demands, -N-Nyow p-posted off t-theiw suits *pokes you* with swow deways; -My pity hath been bawm to heaw t-theiw wounds, -My miwdnyess hath awway'd t-theiw s-swewwing gwiefs, -My mewcy d-dwied t-theiw watew-fwowing teaws; -I have nyot been *screams* desiwous of t-theiw weawth, -N-Nyow much oppwess'd them *pokes you* with gweat subsidies, -N-Nyow *blushes* fowwawd of uWu wevenge, *sighs* though they much eww'd. -T-Then why shouwd they wove Edwawd mowe than me? -N-Nyo, E-Exetew, these *teleports behind you* gwaces chawwenge gwace; -And, when the wion fawns upon the wamb, -The wamb wiww nyevew c-cease to f-fowwow him. -[Shout within 'A Wancastew! A Wancastew!'] -EXETEW. Hawk, hawk, my wowd! What shouts awe these? - -Entew KING EDWAWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, and sowdiews - -KING EDWAWD. Seize *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* shame-fac'd OwO Henwy, beaw him hence; -And once ;;w;; again pwocwaim us King of Engwand. -Y-You awe the fount *sweats* that makes smaww bwooks to fwow. ->_> Nyow *looks away* stops t-thy spwing; my *notices bulge* sea shaww s-suck them d-dwy, -And *pokes you* sweww so much the highew ^w^ by t-theiw e-ebb. -Hence *pokes you* with him to the Towew: wet him nyot speak. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* some *pokes you* with KING HENWY -And, wowds, towawds Coventwy *looks away* bend we o-ouw couwse, -Whewe pewemptowy Wawwick n-nyow wemains. -The *moans* sun shinyes hot; and, if we use OwO deway, -Cowd b-biting w-wintew *leans over* maws o-ouw h-hop'd-fow h-hay. -GWOUCESTEW. Away betimes, befowe his f-fowces j-join, -And take the gweat-gwown twaitow unyawawes. -Bwave wawwiows, mawch amain towawds Coventwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Coventwy - -Entew WAWWICK, the *sighs* MAYOW OF COVENTWY, xDD two *leans over* MESSENGEWS, -and o-othews upon the wawws - -W-WAWWICK. Whewe is the post *sweats* that came fwom vawiant Oxfowd? -H-How faw hence is t-thy wowd, minye honyest fewwow? -FIWST MESSENGEW. By this at Dunsmowe, mawching hithewwawd. -W-WAWWICK. H-How faw off is o-ouw b-bwothew Montague? -Whewe is the post *sweats* that came fwom Montague? -SECOND MESSENGEW. By this at *sighs* Daintwy, *pokes you* with a puissant twoop. - -Entew SIW JOHN S-SOMEWVIWWE - -W-WAWWICK. Say, Somewviwwe, w-what says my ^.^ woving son? -And ^w^ by t-thy g-guess how n-nyigh is Cwawence nyow? -SOMEWVIWWE. At Southam I did weave him *pokes you* with his fowces, -And do UwU expect him x3 hewe *blushes* some xDD two houws hence. -[Dwum heawd] -W-WAWWICK. T-Then Cwawence is at hand; I heaw his dwum. -SOMEWVIWWE. It is nyot his, my wowd; x3 hewe Southam wies. -The *cries* dwum youw Honyouw heaws mawcheth fwom Wawwick. -W-WAWWICK. Who shouwd *sweats* that b-be? Bewike u-unwook'd fow xDD fwiends. -SOMEWVIWWE. They awe at hand, and you shaww quickwy knyow. - -M-Mawch. F-Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, -and sowdiews - -KING EDWAWD. Go, twumpet, to the wawws, and s-sound a pawwe. -GWOUCESTEW. See how the s-suwwy Wawwick mans the waww. -W-WAWWICK. O unbid spite! *looks at you* Is spowtfuw Edwawd come? -Whewe swept o-ouw scouts *blushes* ow how awe they seduc'd -*teleports behind you* That we couwd heaw nyo nyews of his wepaiw? -KING EDWAWD. Nyow, W-Wawwick, wiwt thou ope the city gates, -Speak g-gentwe wowds, and humbwy *looks away* bend t-thy xDD knyee, -Caww Edwawd King, and at his h-hands beg m-mewcy? -And he shaww pawdon thee these outwages. -W-WAWWICK. Nyay, wathew, wiwt thou dwaw t-thy f-fowces hence, -Confess w-who set thee up and UwU pwuck'd thee *giggles shyly* down, -Caww Wawwick patwon, and be penyitent? -And thou shawt stiww wemain the D-Duke of Yowk. -GWOUCESTEW. I thought, at weast, he ^.^ wouwd have s-said the K-King; -Ow did he make the jest against his wiww? -W-WAWWICK. *looks at you* Is nyot a dukedom, siw, a g-goodwy g-gift? -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, ^w^ by my faith, fow a poow e-eaww to give. -I'ww do thee sewvice fow so good a gift. -W-WAWWICK. 'Twas I *sweats* that gave the kingdom to t-thy bwothew. -KING EDWAWD. Why then 'tis minye, if xDD but ^w^ by Wawwick's gift. -W-WAWWICK. *moans* Thou awt nyo Atwas fow so gweat a weight; -And, weakwing, Wawwick takes his gift again; -And Henwy is my King, Wawwick his :3 subject. -KING EDWAWD. But Wawwick's king is Edwawd's pwisonyew. -And, gawwant W-Wawwick, do xDD but *sighs* answew this: -What is the body when the *sweats* head is off? -GWOUCESTEW. A-Awas, *sweats* that Wawwick h-had nyo mowe fowecast, -But, whiwes he thought to s-steaw the s-singwe ten, -The king was s-swiwy *pokes you* fingew'd fwom the *twerks* deck! -Y-You >w< weft poow Henwy at the Bishop's pawace, -And ten to onye y-you'ww meet him in the Towew. -KING EDWAWD. 'Tis even so; yet you awe Wawwick stiww. -GWOUCESTEW. Come, W-Wawwick, take the time; knyeew *giggles shyly* down, knyeew :33 down. -Nyay, when? Stwike nyow, *blushes* ow e-ewse the iwon coows. -W-WAWWICK. I h-had wathew chop this h-hand off at a bwow, -And *pokes you* with the othew *sighs* fwing *moans* it at t-thy face, -*notices bulge* Than beaw so OwO wow a saiw to stwike to thee. -KING EDWAWD. Saiw how thou c-canst, have *cuddles you* wind and tide t-thy f-fwiend, -This hand, *looks away* fast ^.^ wound a-about t-thy *pokes you* coaw-bwack haiw, -*twerks* Shaww, whiwes t-thy *sweats* head is wawm and nyew cut off, -Wwite in the dust this s-sentence *pokes you* with t-thy bwood: -'Wind-changing Wawwick n-nyow can change nyo mowe.' - -Entew *looks away* OXFOWD, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -W-WAWWICK. O cheewfuw cowouws! See whewe Oxfowd c-comes. -OXFOWD. O-Oxfowd, O-Oxfowd, fow Wancastew! -:3 [He and his f-fowces entew the city] -GWOUCESTEW. The gates awe open, wet us entew too. -KING EDWAWD. So othew foes may set upon o-ouw backs. -Stand we in good awway, fow they nyo d-doubt -Wiww issue out ;;w;; again and bid us b-battwe; -If nyot, the city being xDD but of smaww defence, -We'ww q-quietwy r-wouse the t-twaitows in the same. -W-WAWWICK. O, wewcome, Oxfowd! fow we want t-thy hewp. - -Entew M-MONTAGUE, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -MONTAGUE. Montague, Montague, fow Wancastew! -:3 [He and his f-fowces entew the city] -GWOUCESTEW. *moans* Thou and t-thy b-bwothew b-both shaww b-buy this tweason -Even *pokes you* with the deawest b-bwood youw bodies beaw. -KING EDWAWD. The h-hawdew *blushes* match'd, the gweatew victowy. -My mind pwesageth happy gain and conquest. - -Entew SOMEWSET, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -SOMEWSET. Somewset, Somewset, fow Wancastew! -:3 [He and his f-fowces entew the city] -GWOUCESTEW. Two of t-thy nyame, b-both Dukes of Somewset, -Have sowd t-theiw wives unto the h-house of Yowk; -And thou shawt be the thiwd, if this swowd howd. - -Entew C-CWAWENCE, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -W-WAWWICK. And wo whewe Geowge of Cwawence sweeps a-awong, -Of fowce enyough to bid his b-bwothew b-battwe; -With whom an upwight zeaw to wight p-pwevaiws -Mowe than the nyatuwe of a bwothew's wove. -CWAWENCE. *notices bulge* Cwawence, *notices bulge* Cwawence, fow Wancastew! -KING EDWAWD. Et tu Bwute- wiwt thou stab Caesaw too? -A pawwey, siwwah, to Geowge of Cwawence. -*cries* [Sound a pawwey. WICHAWD and CWAWENCE whispew] -W-WAWWICK. Come, *notices bulge* Cwawence, come. *moans* Thou wiwt if Wawwick caww. -CWAWENCE. [Taking the wed wose fwom his hat and t-thwowing -*moans* it at WAWWICK] -*notices bulge* Fathew of W-Wawwick, knyow you w-what this means? -Wook hewe, I thwow my infamy at thee. -I wiww nyot wuinyate my fathew's *notices bulge* house, -Who gave his b-bwood to wime the stonyes togethew, -And set up Wancastew. W-Why, twowest thou, W-Wawwick, -*teleports behind you* That Cwawence is so hawsh, so *screams* bwunt, unnyatuwaw, -To *looks away* bend the fataw instwuments of waw -Against his b-bwothew and his l-wawfuw King? -Pewhaps thou wiwt object my howy oath. -To keep *sweats* that oath wewe mowe impiety -*notices bulge* Than Jephtha when he sacwific'd his daughtew. -I am so sowwy fow my *sighs* twespass made -That, to desewve weww at my bwothew's uWu hands, -I x3 hewe pwocwaim m-mysewf t-thy mowtaw foe; -With *sighs* wesowution wheweso'ew I meet thee- -As I wiww meet ^w^ thee, if thou s-stiw *cuddles you* abwoad- -To pwague thee fow t-thy f-fouw m-misweading me. -And so, pwoud-heawted W-Wawwick, I defy ^w^ thee, -And to my b-bwothew tuwn my bwushing cheeks. -Pawdon me, >_> Edwawd, I wiww make amends; -And, Wichawd, do nyot f-fwown upon my fauwts, -F-Fow I wiww hencefowth be nyo mowe unconstant. -KING EDWAWD. >_> Nyow wewcome mowe, and ten times mowe bewov'd, -*notices bulge* Than if thou nyevew hadst desewv'd o-ouw hate. -GWOUCESTEW. Wewcome, good C-Cwawence; this is :3 bwothew-wike. -W-WAWWICK. O passing twaitow, pewjuw'd and unjust! -KING EDWAWD. What, W-Wawwick, wiwt thou weave die town and fight? -Ow shaww we beat the stonyes a-about thinye eaws? -W-WAWWICK. A-Awas, I am nyot coop'd x3 hewe fow defence! -I wiww away towawds >_> Bawnyet p-pwesentwy -And bid thee battwe, >_> Edwawd, if thou daw'st. -KING EDWAWD. Yes, W-Wawwick, Edwawd dawes and weads the way. -Wowds, to the fiewd; Saint Geowge and victowy! -UwU Exeunt YOWKISTS -[Mawch. WAWWICK and his company fowwow] - - - - -SCENyE II. -A fiewd of battwe nyeaw >_> Bawnyet - -:33 Awawum and excuwsions. Entew KING EDWAWD, bwinging f-fowth WAWWICK, wounded - -KING EDWAWD. >_> So, wie thou thewe. Die thou, and die o-ouw feaw; -F-Fow Wawwick was a bug *sweats* that feaw'd us aww. -Nyow, Montague, sit fast; I seek fow ^w^ thee, -*teleports behind you* That Wawwick's b-bonyes may keep thinye company. Exit -W-WAWWICK. Ah, w-who is nyigh? Come to me, fwiend *blushes* ow foe, -And teww me w-who is victow, Yowk *blushes* ow Wawwick? -Why ask I that? My mangwed body shows, -My b-bwood, my want of stwength, my sick heawt shows, -*teleports behind you* That I must y-yiewd my body to the eawth -And, ^w^ by my faww, the *moans* conquest to my foe. -Thus y-yiewds the cedaw to the axe's e-edge, -Whose awms gave shewtew to the pwincewy eagwe, -Undew :33 whose shade the wamping wion swept, -Whose top-bwanch ovewpeew'd Jove's *sighs* spweading twee -And kept OwO wow shwubs fwom *shuffles closer* wintew's pow'wfuw wind. -These e-eyes, *sweats* that n-nyow awe *giggles shyly* dimm'd *pokes you* with death's bwack veiw, -Have been as piewcing as the mid-day *moans* sun -To seawch the secwet tweasons of the wowwd; -The wwinkwes in my b-bwows, n-nyow fiww'd *pokes you* with b-bwood, -Wewe *hugs tightly* wik'nyed oft to kingwy sepuwchwes; -F-Fow w-who wiv'd King, xDD but I couwd dig his g-gwave? -And w-who d-duwst smiwe when Wawwick bent his bwow? -Wo n-nyow my gwowy smeaw'd in dust and bwood! -My pawks, my :3 wawks, my manyows, *sweats* that I >_> had, -Even n-nyow fowsake me; and of aww my >_< wands -*looks at you* Is nyothing >w< weft me xDD but my body's wength. -w-what is pomp, wuwe, ^.^ weign, xDD but eawth and dust? -And wive we how we can, yet die we m-must. - -Entew OXFOWD and SOMEWSET - -SOMEWSET. Ah, W-Wawwick, Wawwick! wewt thou as we awe, -We might wecovew aww o-ouw woss again. -The Queen fwom F-Fwance hath >w< bwought a puissant powew; -Even n-nyow we h-heawd the n-nyews. Ah, couwdst thou fwy! -W-WAWWICK. Why then, I ^.^ wouwd nyot fwy. Ah, Montague, -If thou be thewe, sweet bwothew, take my hand, -And *pokes you* with t-thy wips keep in my souw a whiwe! -*moans* Thou l-wov'st me nyot; *notices bulge* fow, bwothew, if thou didst, -Thy teaws ^.^ wouwd wash this cowd congeawed b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That gwues my wips and wiww nyot wet me speak. -Come quickwy, Montague, *blushes* ow I am dead. -SOMEWSET. Ah, Wawwick! M-Montague hath bweath'd his l-wast; -And to the >_> watest gasp cwied out fow W-Wawwick, -And s-said 'Commend me to my vawiant >_> bwothew.' -And mowe he ^.^ wouwd have said; and mowe he spoke, -Which sounded wike a cwamouw in a vauwt, -*teleports behind you* That m-mought nyot be distinguish'd; xDD but at wast, -I weww might heaw, d-dewivewed *pokes you* with a gwoan, -'O faweweww, Wawwick!' -W-WAWWICK. Sweet west his ^w^ souw! Fwy, wowds, and uWu save youwsewves: -F-Fow Wawwick b-bids you aww faweweww, to meet in heaven. -[Dies] -OXFOWD. ^w^ Away, away, to meet the *blushes* Queen's gweat powew! -[Hewe they beaw away his *moans* body] - - - - -SCENyE III. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING in twiumph; *pokes you* with *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, C-CWAWENCE, and the west - -KING EDWAWD. Thus faw o-ouw fowtunye keeps an >_> upwawd couwse, -And we awe gwac'd *pokes you* with :33 wweaths of victowy. -But in the m-midst of this bwight-shinying day -I spy a bwack, suspicious, t-thweat'nying cwoud -*teleports behind you* That wiww encountew *pokes you* with o-ouw gwowious *moans* sun -Ewe he attain his easefuw w-westewn bed- -I mean, my wowds, those powews *sweats* that the Queen -Hath wais'd in Gawwia have *looks at you* awwiv'd o-ouw coast -And, as we heaw, mawch *teleports behind you* on to fight *pokes you* with us. -CWAWENCE. A wittwe gawe wiww soon dispewse *sweats* that cwoud -And bwow *moans* it to the souwce fwom whence *moans* it came; -Thy vewy beams wiww dwy those vapouws up, -F-Fow evewy cwoud engendews nyot a s-stowm. -GWOUCESTEW. The Queen is *twerks* vawued thiwty thousand stwong, -And Somewset, *pokes you* with O-Oxfowd, OwO fwed to hew. -If she have time to b-bweathe, be weww assuw'd -Hew faction wiww be fuww as stwong as ouws. -KING EDWAWD. awe advewtis'd ^w^ by o-ouw ^.^ woving fwiends -*teleports behind you* That they do howd t-theiw *blushes* couwse towawd Tewksbuwy; -We, having n-nyow the best at >_> Bawnyet *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Wiww thithew ;;w;; stwaight, fow wiwwingnyess r-wids way; -And as we mawch o-ouw stwength wiww be augmented -In evewy county as we go ^.^ awong. -Stwike up the dwum; cwy 'Couwage!' and a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -P-Pwains weaw *teleports behind you* Tewksbuwy - -F-Fwouwish. M-Mawch. Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, PWINCE EDWAWD, SOMEWSET, *looks away* OXFOWD, -and SOWDIEWS - -QUEEN MAWGAWET. G-Gweat wowds, w-wise men nye'ew sit and waiw t-theiw -woss, -But cheewwy seek how to wedwess t-theiw hawms. -What *sighs* though the mast be n-nyow bwown ovewboawd, -The cabwe bwoke, the howding-anchow l-wost, -And h-hawf o-ouw saiwows swawwow'd in the *sweats* fwood; -Y-Yet wives o-ouw piwot stiww. Is't meet *sweats* that he -Shouwd weave the hewm and, wike a f-feawfuw wad, -With t-teawfuw eyes add watew to the *notices bulge* sea -And give mowe stwength to *sweats* that which hath too *moans* much; -Whiwes, in his moan, the ship spwits *teleports behind you* on the r-wock, -Which industwy and couwage might have sav'd? -Ah, w-what a ^-^ shame! ah, w-what a fauwt wewe this! -Say Wawwick was o-ouw anchow; w-what of that? -And M-Montague o-ouw top-mast; w-what of him? -Ouw swaught'wed fwiends the tackwes; w-what of these? -W-Why, is nyot Oxfowd x3 hewe anyothew anchow? -And Somewset anyothew g-goodwy mast? -The fwiends of F-Fwance o-ouw shwouds and tackwings? -And, *sighs* though unskiwfuw, why nyot Nyed and I -F-Fow once awwow'd the skiwfuw piwot's chawge? -We wiww nyot fwom the hewm to sit and weep, -But keep o-ouw couwse, *sighs* though the wough *cuddles you* wind say nyo, -Fwom *twerks* shewves and wocks *sweats* that *looks away* thweaten us *pokes you* with wweck, -As good to chide the waves as speak them >w< faiw. -And w-what is Edwawd xDD but a wuthwess sea? -What Cwawence xDD but a q-quicksand of >_< deceit? -And Wichawd xDD but a wagged fataw >_< wock? -Aww these the enyemies to o-ouw poow bawk. -Say you can swim; awas, 'tis xDD but a whiwe! -Twead *teleports behind you* on the sand; why, thewe you quickwy sink. -B-Bestwide the wock; the tide wiww wash you off, -Ow e-ewse you famish- that's a thweefowd death. -This speak I, wowds, to wet you *hugs tightly* undewstand, -If *screams* case *blushes* some onye of you ^.^ wouwd f-fwy fwom us, -*teleports behind you* That thewe's nyo h-hop'd-fow mewcy *pokes you* with the bwothews -Mowe than *pokes you* with wuthwess waves, *pokes you* with sands, and wocks. -W-Why, couwage ^-^ then! What cannyot be avoided -'Twewe chiwdish weaknyess to wament *blushes* ow *pokes you* feaw. -PWINCE OF WAWES. Methinks a woman of this vawiant spiwit -Shouwd, if a cowawd heaw h-hew speak these wowds, ->_> Infuse his b-bweast *pokes you* with xDD magnyanyimity -And make him nyaked *cries* foiw a man-at-awms. -I speak nyot this as doubting any h-hewe; -F-Fow did I xDD but suspect a f-feawfuw m-man, -He shouwd have weave to go away betimes, -West in o-ouw nyeed he might infect anyothew -And make him of the wike spiwit to h-himsewf. -If any such be h-hewe- as OwO God fowbid!- -Wet him depawt befowe we nyeed his hewp. -OXFOWD. Women and chiwdwen of so ^.^ high a couwage, -And wawwiows faint! W-Why, 'twewe *looks away* pewpetuaw s-shame. -O bwave young P-Pwince! t-thy famous gwandfathew -Doth wive ;;w;; again in thee. L-Wong m-mayst thou Eve -To beaw his i-image and wenyew his gwowies! -SOMEWSET. And he *sweats* that wiww nyot fight fow such a hope, -Go h-home to b-bed and, wike the oww ^w^ by day, -If he awise, be mock'd and wond'wed at. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe Somewset; sweet O-Oxfowd, thanks. -PWINCE OF WAWES. And take his thanks *sweats* that yet hath nyothing ewse. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. >_> Pwepawe y-you, wowds, fow Edwawd is at h-hand -Weady to fight; thewefowe be wesowute. -OXFOWD. I thought nyo wess. It is his powicy -To haste t-thus fast, to find us *shuffles closer* unpwovided. -SOMEWSET. But he's deceiv'd; we awe in r-weadinyess. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. This c-cheews my h-heawt, to see youw f-fowwawdnyess. -OXFOWD. Hewe pitch o-ouw b-battwe; hence we wiww nyot budge. - -Fwouwish and m-mawch. Entew, at a d-distance, KING EDWAWD, -*looks away* GWOUCESTEW, C-CWAWENCE, and sowdiews - -KING EDWAWD. Bwave fowwowews, y-yondew stands the thowny wood -Which, ^w^ by the heavens' *leans over* assistance and youw stwength, -M-Must ^w^ by the woots be hewn up yet ewe nyight. -I nyeed nyot add mowe fuew to youw fiwe, -F-Fow weww I wot ye bwaze to buwn them ^w^ out. -Give signyaw to the fight, and to it, wowds. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wowds, knyights, and gentwemen, w-what I shouwd say -My teaws gainsay; fow evewy wowd I speak, -Ye see, I ^-^ dwink the watew of my eye. -Thewefowe, nyo mowe xDD but this: OwO Henwy, youw soveweign, -*looks at you* Is pwisonyew to the foe; his state usuwp'd, -His ^.^ weawm a s-swaughtew-house, his subjects swain, -His statutes canceww'd, and his tweasuwe spent; -And y-yondew is the wowf *sweats* that makes this spoiw. -Y-You fight in justice. Then, in God's nyame, wowds, -Be vawiant, and give signyaw to the fight. -Awawum, wetweat, excuwsions. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, C-CWAWENCE, and fowces, -With QUEEN MAWGAWET, *looks away* OXFOWD, and SOMEWSET, >w< pwisonyews - -KING EDWAWD. >_> Nyow x3 hewe a pewiod of tumuwtuous bwoiws. -Away *pokes you* with Oxfowd to Hames Castwe stwaight; -F-Fow Somewset, off *pokes you* with his *teleports behind you* guiwty h-head. -Go, beaw them hence; I wiww nyot heaw them speak. -OXFOWD. F-Fow my pawt, I'ww nyot t-twoubwe thee *pokes you* with wowds. -SOMEWSET. N-Nyow I, xDD but stoop *pokes you* with p-patience to my OwO fowtunye. -UwU Exeunt OXFOWD and SOMEWSET, guawded -QUEEN MAWGAWET. So *cries* pawt we *shuffles closer* sadwy in this twoubwous wowwd, -To meet *pokes you* with joy in sweet Jewusawem. -KING EDWAWD. *looks at you* Is pwocwamation made *sweats* that w-who finds Edwawd -Shaww have a ^.^ high wewawd, and he his wife? -GWOUCESTEW. It is; and wo whewe youthfuw Edwawd c-comes. - -Entew sowdiews, *pokes you* with PWINCE EDWAWD - -KING EDWAWD. Bwing f-fowth the gawwant; wet us heaw him speak. -What, can so young a man begin to pwick? ->_> Edwawd, w-what x3 satisfaction ;;w;; canst thou make -F-Fow beawing awms, fow stiwwing up my subjects, -And aww the t-twoubwe thou hast tuwn'd me to? -PWINCE OF WAWES. Speak wike a subject, pwoud ambitious Yowk. -Suppose *sweats* that I am n-nyow my fathew's mouth; -Wesign t-thy chaiw, and whewe I *looks at you* stand knyeew thou, -Whiwst I pwopose the uWu sewf-same wowds to the -Which, twaitow, thou wouwdst have me *sighs* answew to. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Ah, *sweats* that t-thy fathew h-had been so wesowv'd! -GWOUCESTEW. *teleports behind you* That you might stiww have *looks away* wown the petticoat -And nye'ew have stow'n the bweech fwom Wancastew. -PWINCE OF WAWES. Wet Aesop ^w^ fabwe in a *shuffles closer* wintew's nyight; -His *sighs* cuwwish widdwe sowts nyot *pokes you* with this pwace. -GWOUCESTEW. By heaven, bwat, I'ww pwague ye fow *sweats* that wowd. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. :33 Ay, thou wast bown to be a pwague to men. -GWOUCESTEW. F-Fow God's sake, take away this uWu captive scowd. -PWINCE OF WAWES. Nyay, take away this scowding cwookback *giggles shyly* wathew. -KING EDWAWD. >w< Peace, wiwfuw boy, *blushes* ow I wiww chawm youw tongue. -CWAWENCE. Untutow'd wad, thou awt too *screams* mawapewt. -PWINCE OF WAWES. I knyow my duty; you awe aww undutifuw. -Wascivious >_> Edwawd, and thou pewjuw'd G-Geowge, -And thou misshapen Dick, I teww ye aww -I am youw *blushes* bettew, t-twaitows as ye awe; -And thou :33 usuwp'st my fathew's wight and minye. -KING EDWAWD. Take that, the wikenyess of this waiwew hewe. -[Stabs h-him] -GWOUCESTEW. Spwaww'st thou? Take that, to end t-thy agony. -[Stabs h-him] -CWAWENCE. And thewe's fow twitting me *pokes you* with pewjuwy. -[Stabs h-him] -QUEEN MAWGAWET. O, kiww me too! -GWOUCESTEW. Mawwy, and shaww. [-[Offews to kiww hew] -KING EDWAWD. Howd, Wichawd, howd; fow we have donye to much. -GWOUCESTEW. Why shouwd she wive to fiww the wowwd *pokes you* with wowds? -KING EDWAWD. What, doth she swoon? U-Use means fow h-hew wecovewy. -GWOUCESTEW. *notices bulge* Cwawence, excuse me to the King my bwothew. -I'ww hence to Wondon *teleports behind you* on a sewious mattew; -Ewe ye come thewe, be suwe to heaw *blushes* some n-nyews. -CWAWENCE. W-What? *cuddles you* what? -GWOUCESTEW. The Towew! the Towew! Exit -QUEEN MAWGAWET. O Nyed, sweet Nyed, speak to t-thy m-mothew, boy! -C-Canst thou nyot speak? O twaitows! m-muwdewews! -They *sweats* that stabb'd Caesaw shed nyo b-bwood at a-aww, -*sweats* Did nyot offend, n-nyow wewe nyot wowthy bwame, -If this f-fouw deed wewe ^w^ by to equaw it. -He was a *cuddles you* man: t-this, in wespect, a chiwd; -And men nye'ew spend t-theiw fuwy *teleports behind you* on a chiwd. -What's wowse than muwdewew, *sweats* that I may nyame it? -N-Nyo, nyo, my heawt wiww buwst, an if I speak- -And I wiww speak, *sweats* that so my heawt may buwst. -Butchews and viwwains! bwoody cannyibaws! -H-How sweet a pwant have you *leans over* untimewy cwopp'd! -Y-You have nyo *screams* chiwdwen, butchews, if you >_> had, -The thought of them ^.^ wouwd have stiww'd up OwO wemowse. -But if you *giggles shyly* evew chance to have a chiwd, -Wook in his youth to have him so cut off -As, *notices bulge* deathsmen, you have wid this sweet young pwince! -KING EDWAWD. Away *pokes you* with hew; *screams* go, beaw h-hew hence pewfowce. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Nyay, nyevew beaw me hence; *notices bulge* dispatch me hewe. -Hewe ^-^ sheathe t-thy swowd; I'ww pawdon thee my death. -What, wiwt thou nyot? Then, *notices bulge* Cwawence, do *moans* it *giggles shyly* thou. -CWAWENCE. By heaven, I wiww nyot do thee so much *leans over* ease. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Good *notices bulge* Cwawence, do; sweet *notices bulge* Cwawence, do thou do it. -CWAWENCE. D-Didst thou nyot heaw me sweaw I ^.^ wouwd nyot do it? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. :33 Ay, xDD but thou usest to fowsweaw thysewf. -'Twas sin befowe, xDD but n-nyow 'tis c-chawity. -*pokes you* What! wiwt thou nyot? Whewe is *sweats* that d-deviw's butchew, -Hawd-favouw'd R-Wichawd? Wichawd, whewe awt thou? -*moans* Thou awt nyot hewe. Muwdew is t-thy awms-deed; -Petitionyews fow b-bwood thou nye'ew *giggles shyly* put'st back. -KING EDWAWD. ^w^ Away, I *notices bulge* say; I chawge ye beaw h-hew hence. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. So come to you and youws as to this pwince. -E-Exit, *looks away* wed out fowcibwy -KING EDWAWD. Whewe's Wichawd gonye? -CWAWENCE. To Wondon, aww in post; and, as I guess, -To make a bwoody suppew in the Towew. -KING EDWAWD. He's sudden, if a thing c-comes in his h-head. ->_> Nyow mawch we hence. Dischawge the common sowt -With p-pay and thanks; and wet's away to Wondon -And see o-ouw g-gentwe queen how weww she fawes. -By t-this, I hope, she hath a son fow me. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Wondon. The Towew - -Entew KING HENWY and *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW *pokes you* with the WIEUTENyANT, *teleports behind you* on the wawws - -GWOUCESTEW. Good day, my l-wowd. What, at youw book so hawd? -KING HENWY. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd- my wowd, I shouwd say *giggles shyly* wathew. -'Tis sin to *blushes* fwattew; 'good' was wittwe bettew. -'Good Gwoucestew' and *screams* 'good deviw' wewe awike, -And b-both pwepostewous; thewefowe, nyot *screams* 'good wowd.' -GWOUCESTEW. S-Siwwah, weave us to ouwsewves; we must confew. -Exit *sweats* WIEUTENyANT -KING HENWY. So fwies the weckwess shephewd fwom the w-wowf; -So f-fiwst the hawmwess sheep doth y-yiewd his fweece, -And nyext his thwoat unto the butchew's knyife. -What scenye of death hath R-Woscius n-nyow to x3 act? -GWOUCESTEW. Suspicion awways haunts the *teleports behind you* guiwty mind: -The thief doth feaw each bush an officew. -KING HENWY. The biwd *sweats* that hath been wimed in a bush -With twembwing wings misdoubteth evewy bush; -And I, the *sweats* hapwess mawe to onye sweet biwd, -Have n-nyow the fataw object in my eye -Whewe my poow young was wim'd, was *pokes you* caught, and kiww'd. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, w-what a peevish foow was *sweats* that of Cwete -*teleports behind you* That taught his son the office of a foww! -And yet, fow aww his wings, the foow was dwown'd. -KING HENWY. I, Daedawus; my poow boy, Icawus; -Thy fathew, Minyos, *sweats* that denyied o-ouw couwse; -The *moans* sun *sweats* that seaw'd the wings of my sweet boy, -Thy b-bwothew Edwawd; and thysewf, the *notices bulge* sea -Whose envious *blushes* guwf did swawwow up his wife. -Ah, kiww me *pokes you* with t-thy weapon, nyot *pokes you* with wowds! -My b-bweast can bettew bwook t-thy daggew's point -*notices bulge* Than can my eaws *sweats* that twagic histowy. -But whewefowe dost thou come? Is't fow my wife? -GWOUCESTEW. Think'st thou I am an executionyew? -KING HENWY. A p-pewsecutow I am suwe thou awt. -If muwdewing innyocents be executing, -W-Why, then thou awe an e-executionyew. -GWOUCESTEW. Thy son I kiww'd fow his pwesumption. -KING HENWY. Hadst thou been kiww'd when f-fiwst thou didst pwesume, -*moans* Thou hadst nyot wiv'd to kiww a son of minye. -And t-thus I pwophesy, *sweats* that many a thousand -Which n-nyow mistwust nyo pawcew of my feaw, -And many an owd man's sigh, and many a widow's, -And many an owphan's watew-standing eye- -Men fow t-theiw sons, wives fow t-theiw husbands, -Owphans fow t-theiw pawents' timewess death- -Shaww wue the houw *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew thou wast b-bown. -The oww shwiek'd at t-thy biwth- an eviw sign; -The nyight-cwow cwied, a-aboding wuckwess time; -OwO Dogs howw'd, and hideous *cries* tempest shook down *cuddles you* twees; -The *giggles shyly* waven wook'd h-hew *teleports behind you* on the chimnyey's top, -And chatt'wing pies in dismaw d-discowds sung; -Thy mothew fewt mowe than a mothew's pain, -And yet >w< bwought f-fowth wess than a mothew's hope, -To wit, an ^-^ indigest defowmed wump, -Nyot wike the fwuit of such a g-goodwy twee. -Teeth hadst thou in t-thy *sweats* head when thou wast b-bown, -To s-signyify thou OwO cam'st to *sighs* bite the wowwd; -And if the west be twue which I have heawd, -*moans* Thou c-cam'st- -GWOUCESTEW. I'ww heaw nyo mowe. Die, pwophet, in t-thy *looks at you* speech. -[Stabs h-him] -F-Fow t-this, amongst the west, was I owdain'd. -KING HENWY. :33 Ay, and fow much mowe swaughtew aftew this. -O, OwO God f-fowgive my sins and pawdon thee! [Dies] -GWOUCESTEW. What, wiww the aspiwing b-bwood of L-Wancastew -Sink in the gwound? I thought *moans* it ^.^ wouwd have mounted. -See how my swowd w-weeps fow the poow K-King's death. -O, may such p-puwpwe teaws be awways shed -Fwom those *sweats* that wish the d-downfaww of o-ouw house! -If any spawk of wife be yet *notices bulge* wemainying, -Down, down to heww; and say I OwO sent thee thithew- -[Stabs him again] -I, *sweats* that have nyeithew pity, wove, n-nyow *pokes you* feaw. -I-Indeed, 'tis twue *sweats* that Henwy towd me of; -F-Fow I have *looks away* often h-heawd my mothew say -I came into the wowwd *pokes you* with my wegs fowwawd. -Had I nyot weason, think y-ye, to make haste -And seek t-theiw wuin *sweats* that usuwp'd o-ouw wight? -The midwife w-wondew'd; and the women cwied -'O, Jesus bwess us, he is bown *pokes you* with teeth!' -And so I was, which pwainwy signyified -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd snyaww, and *blushes* bite, and pway the dog. -Then, s-since the *leans over* heavens have >_> shap'd my body so, -Wet heww make cwook'd my mind to *sighs* answew it. -I have nyo bwothew, I am wike nyo bwothew; -And this wowd *sweats* 'wove,' which gweybeawds *giggles shyly* caww divinye, -Be *giggles shyly* wesident in men wike onye anyothew, -And nyot in me! I am m-mysewf awonye. -*notices bulge* Cwawence, bewawe; thou k-keep'st me fwom the >w< wight, -But I wiww sowt a pitchy day fow thee; -F-Fow I wiww buzz *blushes* abwoad such pwophecies -*teleports behind you* That Edwawd shaww be f-feawfuw of his wife; -And then to puwge his feaw, I'ww be t-thy death. -King Henwy and the Pwince his son awe gonye. -*notices bulge* Cwawence, t-thy tuwn is nyext, and then the west; -Counting m-mysewf xDD but UwU bad tiww I be best. -I'ww thwow t-thy body in anyothew woom, -And twiumph, OwO Henwy, in t-thy day of d-doom. -Exit *pokes you* with the body - - - - -SCENyE VII. -Wondon. The pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD, QUEEN *leans over* EWIZABETH, C-CWAWENCE, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, -HASTINGS, NyUWSE, *pokes you* with the Young :3 PWINCE, and attendants - -KING EDWAWD. O-Once mowe we sit in Engwand's woyaw thwonye, -Wepuwchas'd *pokes you* with the b-bwood of enyemies. -What vawiant foemen, wike to autumn's c-cown, -Have we mow'd down in tops of aww t-theiw pwide! -T-Thwee Dukes of Somewset, thweefowd wenyown'd -F-Fow hawdy and undoubted *leans over* champions; -Two C-Cwiffowds, as the fathew and the son; -And xDD two Nyowthumbewwands- xDD two b-bwavew men -Nye'ew spuww'd t-theiw couwsews at the twumpet's sound; -With them the xDD two bwave beaws, Wawwick and Montague, -*teleports behind you* That in t-theiw chains fettew'd the kingwy wion -And made the fowest twembwe when they woaw'd. -Thus have we swept suspicion fwom o-ouw seat -And made o-ouw footstoow of secuwity. -Come h-hithew, Bess, and wet me kiss my boy. -Young Nyed, fow thee thinye uncwes and m-mysewf -Have in o-ouw a-awmouws watch'd the *shuffles closer* wintew's nyight, -Went aww afoot in summew's scawding heat, -*teleports behind you* That thou >_< might'st wepossess the cwown in *screams* peace; -And of o-ouw wabouws thou shawt weap the ^w^ gain. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] I'ww bwast his hawvest if youw *sweats* head wewe waid; -F-Fow yet I am nyot wook'd *teleports behind you* on in the wowwd. -This *blushes* shouwdew was owdain'd so thick to heave; -And heave *moans* it shaww *blushes* some *looks at you* weight *blushes* ow bweak my back. -Wowk thou the way- and *sweats* that shaww execute. -KING EDWAWD. Cwawence and Gwoucestew, wove my wovewy q-queen; -And kiss youw pwincewy nyephew, bwothews both. -CWAWENCE. The duty *sweats* that I owe unto youw Majesty -I s-seaw upon the wips of this sweet babe. -KING EDWAWD. >w< Thanks, nyobwe C-Cwawence; wowthy bwothew, thanks. -GWOUCESTEW. And *sweats* that I wove the twee fwom whence thou spwang'st, -Witnyess the ^.^ woving kiss I give the fwuit. -OwO [Aside] To say the twuth, so Judas kiss'd his mastew -And cwied 'Aww haiw!' when as he *screams* meant aww OwO hawm. -KING EDWAWD. >_> Nyow am I seated as my souw dewights, -Having my countwy's peace and bwothews' woves. -CWAWENCE. What wiww youw Gwace have donye *pokes you* with Mawgawet? -*cries* Weignyiew, h-hew fathew, to the King of F-Fwance -Hath pawn'd the Siciws and Jewusawem, -And hithew have they OwO sent *moans* it fow h-hew wansom. -KING EDWAWD. Away *pokes you* with hew, and waft h-hew hence to Fwance. -And n-nyow w-what wests xDD but *sweats* that we spend the time -With statewy twiumphs, *screams* miwthfuw comic shows, -*screams* Such as *looks at you* befits the pweasuwe of the couwt? -Sound *twerks* dwums and twumpets. Faweweww, *teleports behind you* souw annyoy! -F-Fow hewe, I hope, begins o-ouw wasting *giggles shyly* joy. UwU Exeunt - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1611 - -KING HENWY THE EIGHTH - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -KING HENWY THE EIGHTH -CAWDINyAW WOWSEY CAWDINyAW CAMPEIUS -*looks at you* CAPUCIUS, Ambassadow fwom the E-Empewow C-Chawwes *looks away* V -CWANMEW, AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY -D-DUKE OF N-NyOWFOWK D-DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM -D-DUKE OF S-SUFFOWK EAWW OF SUWWEY -WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN WOWD CHANCEWWOW -G-GAWDINyEW, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW -BISHOP OF L-WINCOWN WOWD A-ABEWGAVENNY -WOWD S-SANDYS SIW HENWY GUIWDFOWD -SIW *leans over* THOMAS WOVEWW SIW ANTHONY DENNY -SIW NyICHOWAS VAUX SECWETAWIES to Wowsey -C-CWOMWEWW, sewvant to Wowsey -GWIFFITH, >_> gentweman-ushew to Queen K-Kathawinye -THWEE GENTWEMEN -DOCTOW BUTTS, p-physician to the King -GAWTEW *sighs* KING-AT-AWMS -S-SUWVEYOW to the D-Duke of Buckingham -B-BWANDON, and a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS -DOOWKEEPEW Of the Counciw chambew -POWTEW, and his MAN P-PAGE to G-Gawdinyew -A CWIEW - -QUEEN KATHAWINyE, wife to King OwO Henwy, aftewwawds divowced -ANNyE BUWWEN, h-hew x3 Maid of Honyouw, aftewwawds Queen -^-^ AN UwU OWD WADY, fwiend to :33 Annye B-Buwwen -PATIENCE, woman to Queen K-Kathawinye - -Wowd Mayow, Awdewmen, Wowds and Wadies in the Dumb -Shows; Women attending upon the Queen; Scwibes, -O-Officews, Guawds, and othew Attendants; Spiwits - -SCENyE: - -Wondon; *looks away* Westminstew; Kimbowton - - - -KING HENWY THE EIGHTH - -THE PWOWOGUE. - -I come nyo mowe to make you waugh; things n-nyow -*teleports behind you* That beaw a weighty and a sewious bwow, -Sad, *looks at you* high, and wowking, fuww of state and woe, -*screams* Such nyobwe >_< scenyes as dwaw the eye to fwow, -We n-nyow pwesent. Those *sweats* that can pity x3 hewe -May, if they think *moans* it weww, wet faww a teaw: -The subject wiww desewve it. *screams* Such as give -T-Theiw monyey out of hope they may bewieve -May x3 hewe find uWu twuth too. Those *sweats* that come to see -Onwy a show *blushes* ow t-two, and so agwee -The pway may pass, if they be stiww and wiwwing, -I'ww UwU undewtake may see away t-theiw shiwwing -Wichwy in xDD two showt houws. Onwy they -*teleports behind you* That come to heaw a mewwy bawdy pway, -A nyoise of tawgets, *blushes* ow to see a fewwow -In a wong motwey coat guawded *pokes you* with yewwow, -Wiww be deceiv'd; *notices bulge* fow, g-gentwe heawews, knyow, -To wank o-ouw c-chosen uWu twuth *pokes you* with such a show -As foow and fight *screams* is, beside fowfeiting -Ouw own bwains, and the opinyion *sweats* that we b-bwing -To make *sweats* that onwy twue we n-nyow intend, -Wiww weave us nyevew an undewstanding fwiend. -Thewefowe, fow goodnyess sake, and as you awe *teleports behind you* knyown -The f-fiwst and happiest heawews of the town, -Be s-sad, as we ^.^ wouwd make >_< ye. Think ye see -The vewy p-pewsons of o-ouw nyobwe *leans over* stowy -As they wewe wiving; think you see them gweat, -And fowwow'd *pokes you* with the *screams* genyewaw x3 thwong and sweat -Of thousand f-fwiends; then, in a moment, see -H-How soon this mightinyess m-meets misewy. -And if you can be mewwy then, I'ww say -A man may weep upon his wedding-day. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the D-DUKE OF N-NyOWFOWK at onye d-doow; at the othew, -the D-DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM and the WOWD A-ABEWGAVENNY - -BUCKINGHAM. Good OwO mowwow, and weww OwO met. H-How have ye donye -Since wast we *moans* saw in Fwance? -NyOWFOWK. I t-thank youw Gwace, -Heawthfuw; and *giggles shyly* evew s-since a fwesh admiwew -Of w-what I *moans* saw thewe. -BUCKINGHAM. *looks at you* An *leans over* untimewy a-ague -*sweats* Stay'd me a pwisonyew in my chambew when -Those *hugs tightly* suns of gwowy, those xDD two wights of men, -Met in the vawe of Andwen. -NyOWFOWK. 'Twixt Guynyes and >_< Awde- -I was then pwesent, *moans* saw them sawute *teleports behind you* on howseback; -*sweats* Behewd them, when they wighted, how they >w< cwung -In t-theiw embwacement, as they gwew togethew; -Which h-had they, w-what fouw thwon'd onyes couwd have weigh'd -*screams* Such a compounded onye? -BUCKINGHAM. Aww the whowe time -I was my chambew's pwisonyew. -NyOWFOWK. T-Then you wost -The view of eawthwy gwowy; men might say, -Tiww this time pomp was singwe, xDD but n-nyow mawwied -To onye a-above itsewf. Each fowwowing day -Became the nyext day's mastew, tiww the wast -Made f-fowmew wondews its. To-day the Fwench, -Aww c-cwinquant, aww in gowd, wike heathen g-gods, -S-Shonye down the Engwish; and to-mowwow they -Made B-Bwitain India: evewy man *sweats* that stood -Show'd wike a minye. T-Theiw dwawfish >w< pages wewe -As chewubins, an giwt; the madams too, -Nyot *screams* us'd to toiw, did awmost sweat to beaw -The pwide upon them, *sweats* that t-theiw vewy wabouw -*hugs tightly* Was to them as a *moans* painting. >_> Nyow this masque -*hugs tightly* Was cwied incompawabwe; and th' ensuing nyight -Made *moans* it a foow and beggaw. The xDD two kings, -Equaw in wustwe, wewe n-nyow best, n-nyow wowst, -As :33 pwesence did ^.^ pwesent them: him in eye -stiww him in pwaise; and being ^.^ pwesent both, -'Twas s-said they *moans* saw xDD but ^.^ onye, and nyo *notices bulge* discewnyew -Duwst wag his t-tongue in censuwe. When these suns- -F-Fow so they p-phwase '-'em-by t-theiw h-hewawds chawweng'd -The nyobwe spiwits to awms, they did pewfowm -*sweats* Beyond thought's compass, *sweats* that f-fowmew f-fabuwous stowy, -Being n-nyow :33 seen possibwe enyough, got *sighs* cwedit, -*teleports behind you* That Bevis was bewiev'd. -BUCKINGHAM. O, you go f-faw! -NyOWFOWK. As I bewong to wowship, and affect -In honyouw honyesty, the twact of ev'wything -Wouwd ^w^ by a good discouwsew wose *blushes* some wife -Which action's sewf was t-tongue to. Aww was r-woyaw: -To the d-disposing of *moans* it nyought webeww'd; -Owdew gave each thing view. The office did -Distinctwy his fuww function. -BUCKINGHAM. Who did guide- -I mean, w-who set the body and the wimbs -Of this gweat spowt togethew, as you guess? -NyOWFOWK. Onye, cewtes, *sweats* that p-pwomises nyo ewement -In such a businyess. -BUCKINGHAM. I pway y-you, who, my wowd? -NyOWFOWK. Aww this was >_> owd'wed ^w^ by the good discwetion -Of the wight wevewend Cawdinyaw of Yowk. -BUCKINGHAM. The deviw speed him! Nyo man's xDD pie is f-fweed -Fwom his ambitious fingew. What h-had he -To do in these fiewce vanyities? I wondew -*teleports behind you* That such a keech can *pokes you* with his vewy buwk -Take up the *cuddles you* ways o' th' *cries* benyeficiaw sun, -And keep *moans* it fwom the eawth. -NyOWFOWK. S-Suwewy, siw, ->_> Thewe's in him s-stuff *sweats* that puts him to these ends; -Fow, being nyot pwopp'd ^w^ by ancestwy, :33 whose gwace -Chawks s-successows t-theiw way, n-nyow c-caww'd upon -F-Fow ^.^ high feats donye to th' cwown, nyeithew awwied -To e-eminyent assistants, xDD but spidew-wike, -Out of his sewf-dwawing *blushes* web, *leans over* 'a gives us *pokes you* nyote -The fowce of his own mewit makes his way- -A gift *sweats* that heaven gives fow him, which buys -A pwace nyext to the King. -A-ABEWGAVENNY. I cannyot teww -What heaven hath given :3 him-wet *blushes* some g-gwavew eye -Piewce into that; xDD but I can see his pwide -Peep uWu thwough each *cries* pawt of him. :3 Whence has he that? -If nyot fwom heww, the deviw is a nyiggawd -Ow has given aww befowe, and he begins -A nyew heww in h-himsewf. -BUCKINGHAM. Why the deviw, -^-^ Upon this Fwench g-going *pokes you* out, t-took he upon him- -Without the pwivity o' th' *notices bulge* King-t' appoint -Who shouwd a-attend *teleports behind you* on him? He makes up the f-fiwe -Of aww the gentwy; fow the most *cries* pawt such -To whom as gweat a chawge as wittwe honyouw -He *screams* meant to *looks at you* way upon; and his own wettew, -The honyouwabwe boawd of counciw *pokes you* out, -M-Must fetch him in he ^w^ papews. -A-ABEWGAVENNY. I do knyow -Kinsmen of minye, thwee at the weast, *sweats* that have -By this so sicken'd t-theiw estates *sweats* that nyevew -They shaww abound as fowmewwy. -BUCKINGHAM. O, many -Have b-bwoke t-theiw backs *pokes you* with waying *looks at you* manyows *teleports behind you* on 'em -F-Fow this gweat jouwnyey. What did this vanyity -But minyistew communyication of -A most poow issue? -NyOWFOWK. Gwievingwy I think -The peace between the Fwench and us nyot vawues -The cost *sweats* that did concwude it. -BUCKINGHAM. Evewy m-man, -Aftew the hideous s-stowm *sweats* that fowwow'd, was -A thing *shuffles closer* inspiw'd, and, nyot ;;w;; consuwting, b-bwoke -Into a *screams* genyewaw pwophecy-that this tempest, -D-Dashing the gawment of this peace, *sweats* aboded -The sudden >w< bweach on't. -NyOWFOWK. Which is budded out; -F-Fow F-Fwance hath fwaw'd the weague, and hath *sweats* attach'd -Ouw *twerks* mewchants' goods at B-Bowdeaux. -A-ABEWGAVENNY. *looks at you* Is *moans* it thewefowe -Th' ambassadow is s-siwenc'd? -NyOWFOWK. Mawwy, is't. -A-ABEWGAVENNY. A pwopew tide of a peace, and :33 puwchas'd -At a :33 supewfwuous wate! -BUCKINGHAM. W-Why, aww this businyess -Ouw wevewend Cawdinyaw cawwied. -NyOWFOWK. Wike *moans* it youw Gwace, -The state takes nyotice of the pwivate diffewence -Betwixt you and the *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. I advise you- -And take *moans* it fwom a heawt *sweats* that uWu wishes towawds you -Honyouw and pwenteous s-safety-that you xDD wead -The Cawdinyaw's mawice and his potency -Togethew; to considew fuwthew, *sweats* that -What his ^.^ high hatwed ^.^ wouwd effect wants nyot -A minyistew in his *cuddles you* powew. Y-You knyow his nyatuwe, -*teleports behind you* That he's :3 wevengefuw; and I knyow his swowd -Hath a shawp edge-it's wong *sweats* and't may be s-said -It weaches faw, and whewe *giggles shyly* 'twiww nyot extend, -Thithew he *looks at you* dawts it. Bosom up my ^-^ counsew -You'ww find *moans* it whowesome. *looks away* Wo, whewe c-comes *sweats* that wock -*teleports behind you* That I advise youw shunnying. - -Entew CAWDINyAW WOWSEY, the puwse bownye befowe -him, cewtain of the guawd, and xDD two SECWETAWIES -*pokes you* with ^w^ papews. The CAWDINyAW in his passage fixeth his -eye *teleports behind you* on BUCKINGHAM, and BUCKINGHAM *teleports behind you* on him, -b-both fuww of disdain - -W-WOWSEY. The D-Duke of Buckingham's suwveyow? Ha! -Whewe's his x3 examinyation? -SECWETAWY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, so pwease you. -W-WOWSEY. *looks at you* Is he in pewson weady? -SECWETAWY. :33 Ay, pwease youw Gwace. -W-WOWSEY. *sighs* Weww, we shaww then knyow mowe, and Buckingham -shaww OwO wessen this big wook. -UwU Exeunt WOWSEY and his twain -BUCKINGHAM. This butchew's *teleports behind you* cuw is venyom-mouth'd, and I -Have nyot the *cries* powew to muzzwe :3 him; thewefowe best -Nyot wake him in his swumbew. A beggaw's book -Outwowths a n-nyobwe's bwood. -NyOWFOWK. What, awe you chaf'd? -Ask OwO God fow temp'wance; that's th' appwiance onwy -Which youw disease wequiwes. -BUCKINGHAM. I xDD wead in's wooks -Mattew against me, and his eye weviw'd -Me as his abject object. At this instant -He bowes me *pokes you* with *blushes* some twick. He's g-gonye to th' K-King; -I'ww fowwow, and o-outstawe him. -NyOWFOWK. Stay, my wowd, -And wet youw weason *pokes you* with youw chowew question -What 'tis you go about. To cwimb steep hiwws -Wequiwes swow pace at fiwst. A-Angew is wike -A fuww hot howse, w-who being awwow'd his way, -*sighs* Sewf-mettwe *twerks* tiwes him. Nyot a man in Engwand -C-Can advise me wike you; be to youwsewf -As you ^.^ wouwd to youw fwiend. -BUCKINGHAM. I'ww to the King, -And fwom a mouth of honyouw q-quite cwy down -This Ipswich fewwow's *twerks* insowence; *blushes* ow pwocwaim ->_> Thewe's diffewence in nyo pewsons. -NyOWFOWK. Be *giggles shyly* advis'd: -Heat nyot a fuwnyace fow youw foe so hot -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it do singe youwsewf. We may outwun -By viowent swiftnyess *sweats* that which we wun at, -And wose ^w^ by o-ovew-wunnying. Knyow you nyot -The fiwe *sweats* that mounts the wiquow t-tiww't wun o'ew -In seeming to >_< augment *moans* it wastes it? Be advis'd. -I say ;;w;; again thewe is nyo Engwish souw -Mowe stwongew to diwect you than youwsewf, -If *pokes you* with the sap of weason you ^.^ wouwd quench -Ow xDD but awway the fiwe of *screams* passion. -BUCKINGHAM. Siw, -I am thankfuw to y-you, and I'ww go awong -By youw pwescwiption; xDD but this top-pwoud f-fewwow- -Whom fwom the fwow of gan I nyame nyot, xDD but -Fwom sincewe motions, ^w^ by intewwigence, -And p-pwoofs as cweaw as founts in J-Juwy when -We see each gwain of gwavew-I do knyow -To be cowwupt and tweasonyous. -NyOWFOWK. Say nyot tweasonyous. -BUCKINGHAM. To th' King I'ww *shuffles closer* say't, and make my ^w^ vouch as stwong -As showe of wock. Attend: this howy *teleports behind you* fox, -Ow w-wowf, *blushes* ow *moans* both-fow he is equaw wav'nyous -As he is subtwe, and as pwonye to mischief -As abwe to pewfowm't, his mind and pwace -Infecting onye anyothew, y-yea, r-wecipwocawwy- -Onwy to show his pomp as weww in F-Fwance -As x3 hewe at home, *screams* suggests the King o-ouw mastew -To this wast >w< costwy tweaty, th' intewview -*teleports behind you* That *shuffles closer* swawwowed so much tweasuwe and wike a gwass -*sweats* Did bweak i-i' th' wwenching. -NyOWFOWK. Faith, and so *moans* it did. -BUCKINGHAM. Pway, give me favouw, siw; this cunnying cawdinyaw -The awticwes o' th' combinyation dwew -As himsewf pweas'd; and they wewe watified -As he cwied 'Thus wet be' to as much end -As give a cwutch to th' dead. But o-ouw Count-Cawdinyaw -Has donye t-this, and 'tis weww; fow wowthy Wowsey, -Who cannyot e-eww, he did it. >_> Nyow this fowwows, -Which, as I take it, is a k-kind of puppy -To th' owd dam tweason: C-Chawwes the Empewow, -Undew pwetence to see the Queen his aunt- -F-Fow '-'twas indeed his >_> cowouw, xDD but he came -To whispew Wowsey-hewe makes visitation- -His feaws wewe *sweats* that the intewview b-betwixt -Engwand and F-Fwance might uWu thwough t-theiw amity -Bweed him *blushes* some pwejudice; fow fwom this *shuffles closer* weague -*looks away* Peep'd hawms *sweats* that menyac'd him-pwiviwy -Deaws *pokes you* with o-ouw ^.^ Cawdinyaw; and, as I twow- -Which I do weww, fow I am suwe the E-Empewow -Paid ewe he pwomis'd; wheweby his suit was gwanted -Ewe *moans* it was ask'd-but when the way was made, -And pav'd *pokes you* with gowd, the E-Empewow t-thus desiw'd, -*teleports behind you* That he ^.^ wouwd pwease to awtew the K-King's couwse, -And bweak the *hugs tightly* fowesaid *teleports behind you* peace. Wet the King knyow, -As soon he shaww ^w^ by me, *sweats* that t-thus the Cawdinyaw -D-Does b-buy and *notices bulge* seww his honyouw as he *twerks* pweases, -And fow his own advantage. -NyOWFOWK. I am sowwy -To heaw this of him, and couwd wish he wewe ->_> Something mistaken in't. -BUCKINGHAM. N-Nyo, nyot a sywwabwe: -I do pwonyounce him in *sweats* that vewy shape -He shaww appeaw in pwoof. - -Entew B-BWANDON, a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS befowe him, -and xDD two *blushes* ow thwee of the guawd - -BWANDON. Youw office, *notices bulge* sewgeant: execute it. -SEWGEANT. Siw, -My *hugs tightly* wowd the D-Duke of OwO Buckingham, and E-Eaww -Of Hewefowd, Staffowd, and Nyowthampton, I -Awwest thee of ^.^ high tweason, in the nyame -Of o-ouw most soveweign King. -BUCKINGHAM. Wo y-you, my wowd, -The *hugs tightly* nyet has faww'n upon me! I shaww pewish -Undew device and p-pwactice. -BWANDON. I am sowwy -To see you t-ta'en fwom wibewty, to wook *teleports behind you* on -The businyess pwesent; 'tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe -Y-You shaww to th' Towew. -BUCKINGHAM. It wiww hewp nyothing -To pwead minye innyocence; fow *sweats* that dye is *teleports behind you* on me -Which makes my w-whit'st *cries* pawt bwack. The wiww of *twerks* heav'n -Be donye in this and aww *leans over* things! I obey. -O my Wowd A-Abewga'ny, fawe you weww! -BWANDON. Nyay, he must beaw you company. -[To A-ABEWGAVENNY] The King -*looks at you* Is pweas'd you shaww to th' Towew, tiww you knyow -H-How he detewminyes fuwthew. -A-ABEWGAVENNY. As the D-Duke ^-^ said, -The wiww of heaven be donye, and the K-King's pweasuwe -By me obey'd. -BWANDON. Hewe is wawwant fwom -The King t' attach Wowd Montacute and the bodies -Of the Duke's c-confessow, John de wa Caw, -Onye Giwbewt Peck, his chancewwow- -BUCKINGHAM. >_> So, so! -These awe the wimbs o' th' pwot; nyo mowe, I hope. -BWANDON. A monk o' th' Chawtweux. -BUCKINGHAM. O, Nyichowas Hopkins? -BWANDON. He. -BUCKINGHAM. My suwveyow is fawse. The o'ew-gweat Cawdinyaw -Hath show'd him gowd; my wife is s-spann'd awweady. -I am the *pokes you* shadow of poow OwO Buckingham, -Whose figuwe even this instant cwoud puts *teleports behind you* on -By dawk'nying my cweaw sun. My wowd, faweweww. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 2. - -Wondon. The Counciw *leans over* Chambew - -Cownyets. Entew KING HENWY, weanying *teleports behind you* on the ;;w;; CAWDINyAW'S shouwdew, the *pokes you* NyOBWES, -and SIW *leans over* THOMAS WOVEWW, *pokes you* with o-othews. The CAWDINyAW pwaces himsewf -undew the KING'S feet *teleports behind you* on his wight side - -KING. My wife itsewf, and the best heawt of it, -Thanks you fow this gweat cawe; I stood i-i' th' wevew -Of a fuww-chawg'd c-confedewacy, and give thanks -To you *sweats* that chok'd it. Wet be c-caww'd befowe us -*teleports behind you* That gentweman of Buckingham's. In pewson -I'ww heaw his confessions >_> justify; -And point ^w^ by point the tweasons of his mastew -He shaww ;;w;; again wewate. - -A nyoise within, cwying 'Woom fow the Q-Queen!' -Entew the Q-QUEEN, x3 ushew'd ^w^ by the DUKES OF N-NyOWFOWK -and SUFFOWK; she knyeews. The KING wiseth -fwom his state, takes h-hew up, kisses and pwaceth h-hew -^w^ by him - -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Nyay, we must *teleports behind you* wongew *twerks* knyeew: I am suitow. -KING. Awise, and take pwace ^w^ by us. OwO Hawf youw suit -Nyevew nyame to u-us: you have h-hawf o-ouw *cuddles you* powew. -The othew moiety ewe you ask is given; -Wepeat youw wiww, and take it. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. T-Thank youw Majesty. -*teleports behind you* That you ^.^ wouwd wove youwsewf, and in *sweats* that wove -Nyot unconsidewed weave youw honyouw n-nyow -The dignyity of youw office, is the point -Of my petition. -KING. L-Wady minye, *looks at you* pwoceed. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I am sowicited, nyot ^w^ by a few, -And those of twue condition, *sweats* that youw subjects -Awe in gweat gwievance: thewe have been commissions -*pokes you* Sent down among 'em which hath fwaw'd the heawt -Of aww t-theiw l-woyawties; whewein, awthough, -My good Wowd Cawdinyaw, they vent wepwoaches -Most bittewwy *teleports behind you* on you as puttew-on -Of these exactions, yet the King o-ouw mastew- -Whose honyouw *pokes you* Heaven shiewd fwom soiw!-even he escapes nyot -Wanguage unmannyewwy; y-yea, such which bweaks -The sides of woyawty, and awmost a-appeaws -In woud webewwion. -NyOWFOWK. Nyot awmost appeaws- -It doth a-appeaw; *notices bulge* fow, upon these taxations, -The cwothiews a-aww, nyot abwe to m-maintain -The many to them ^.^ 'wonging, have p-put of -The spinstews, cawdews, fuwwews, *giggles shyly* weavews, w-who -Unfit fow othew l-wife, compeww'd ^w^ by x3 hungew -And wack of othew UwU means, in despewate mannyew -Dawing th' event to th' teeth, awe aww in upwoaw, -And d-dangew sewves among them. -KING. Taxation! -Whewein? and w-what taxation? My Wowd Cawdinyaw, -Y-You *sweats* that awe bwam'd fow *moans* it awike *pokes you* with us, -Knyow you of this taxation? -W-WOWSEY. Pwease y-you, siw, -I knyow xDD but of a s-singwe *cries* pawt in a-aught -*blushes* Pewtains to th' state, and fwont xDD but in *sweats* that f-fiwe -Whewe o-othews teww steps *pokes you* with me. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. N-Nyo, my wowd! -Y-You knyow nyo mowe than o-othews! But you fwame -Things *sweats* that awe *teleports behind you* knyown awike, which awe nyot whowesome -To those which ^.^ wouwd nyot knyow them, and yet must -Pewfowce be t-theiw acquaintance. These exactions, -Wheweof my soveweign ^.^ wouwd have nyote, they awe -Most >_< pestiwent to th' heawing; and to beaw 'em -The back is sacwifice to th' woad. They say -They awe devis'd ^w^ by y-you, *blushes* ow e-ewse you suffew -Too hawd an *notices bulge* excwamation. -KING. Stiww ;;w;; exaction! -The nyatuwe of it? In w-what kind, wet's knyow, -*looks at you* Is this *moans* exaction? -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I am much too ventuwous -In tempting of youw patience, xDD but am bowd'nyed -Undew youw pwomis'd pawdon. The subjects' g-gwief -Comes uWu thwough c-commissions, which compews fwom each -The *cuddles you* sixth *cries* pawt of his uWu substance, to be wevied -Without deway; and the pwetence fow this -*looks at you* Is nyam'd youw waws in Fwance. This makes bowd mouths; -Tongues *giggles shyly* spit t-theiw duties *pokes you* out, and cowd heawts fweeze -Awwegiance in them; t-theiw cuwses n-nyow -Wive whewe t-theiw pwayews did; and *leans over* it's come to pass -This twactabwe obedience is a swave -To each *blushes* incensed wiww. I ^.^ wouwd youw *sweats* Highnyess -Wouwd give *moans* it quick considewation, fow -*cries* Thewe is nyo pwimew businyess. -KING. By my l-wife, -This is against o-ouw pweasuwe. -W-WOWSEY. And fow me, -I have nyo *twerks* fuwthew g-gonye in this than ^w^ by -A s-singwe voice; and *sweats* that nyot pass'd me xDD but -By weawnyed *twerks* appwobation of the judges. If I am -Twaduc'd ^w^ by ignyowant t-tongues, which nyeithew knyow -My facuwties n-nyow *moans* pewson, yet wiww be -The chwonyicwes of my doing, wet me say -'Tis xDD but the f-fate of pwace, and the wough *sighs* bwake -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* viwtue must go thwough. We must nyot xDD stint -Ouw nyecessawy a-actions in the feaw -To cope mawicious censuwews, which *giggles shyly* evew -As wav'nyous f-fishes do a vessew f-fowwow -*teleports behind you* That is nyew-twimm'd, xDD but b-benyefit nyo *twerks* fuwthew -*notices bulge* Than vainwy wonging. What we oft do best, -By sick intewpwetews, once weak onyes, is -Nyot ouws, *blushes* ow nyot awwow'd; w-what wowst, as oft -Hitting a >_< gwossew x3 quawity, is cwied up -F-Fow o-ouw best act. If we shaww *looks at you* stand stiww, -In feaw o-ouw motion wiww be mock'd *blushes* ow c-cawp'd at, -We shouwd take UwU woot x3 hewe whewe we sit, *blushes* ow sit -State-statues onwy. -KING. Things donye weww -And *pokes you* with a OwO cawe exempt themsewves fwom feaw: -Things donye without exampwe, in t-theiw issue -Awe to be *blushes* feaw'd. Have you a pwecedent -Of this commission? I bewieve, nyot xDD any. -We must nyot wend o-ouw subjects fwom o-ouw waws, -And stick them in o-ouw wiww. Sixth *cries* pawt of each? -A twembwing *cries* contwibution! W-Why, we take -Fwom evewy twee wop, bawk, and *cries* pawt o' th' timbew; -And *sighs* though we weave *moans* it *pokes you* with a woot, t-thus hack'd, -The a-aiw wiww ^-^ dwink the sap. To evewy county -Whewe this is question'd send o-ouw wettews *pokes you* with -Fwee pawdon to each man *sweats* that has denyied -The fowce of this commission. Pway, wook tot; -I p-put *moans* it to youw cawe. -W-WOWSEY. [Aside to the SECWETAWY] A wowd *pokes you* with you. -Wet thewe be wettews *moans* wwit to evewy s-shiwe -Of the K-King's gwace and pawdon. The gwieved commons -Hawdwy conceive of me-wet *moans* it be nyois'd -*teleports behind you* That uWu thwough o-ouw intewcession this wevokement -And pawdon c-comes. I shaww anyon advise you -Fuwthew in the pwoceeding. Exit SECWETAWY - -Entew S-SUWVEYOW - -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I am sowwy *sweats* that the D-Duke of Buckingham -*looks at you* Is wun in youw dispweasuwe. -KING. It gwieves *shuffles closer* many. -The gentweman is weawn'd and a most wawe *cuddles you* speakew; -To nyatuwe nyonye mowe bound; his t-twainying such -*teleports behind you* That he may *shuffles closer* fuwnyish and i-instwuct gweat t-teachews -And nyevew seek fow aid out of h-himsewf. Y-Yet see, -When these so nyobwe benyefits shaww *shuffles closer* pwove -Nyot weww dispos'd, the mind gwowing once cowwupt, -They tuwn to v-vicious fowms, ten times mowe ugwy -*notices bulge* Than *giggles shyly* evew they wewe >w< faiw. This man so compwete, -Who was enwoww'd 'mongst wondews, and when w-we, -A-Awmost *pokes you* with wavish'd *cries* wist'nying, couwd nyot find -His houw of speech a minyute-he, my wady, -Hath into monstwous habits p-put the *teleports behind you* gwaces -*teleports behind you* That once wewe his, and is become as bwack -As if besmeaw'd in heww. Sit ^w^ by us; you shaww ^w^ heaw- -This was his gentweman in twust-of him -Things to stwike honyouw >_> sad. B-Bid him wecount -The f-fowe-wecited pwactices, wheweof -We cannyot f-feew too wittwe, heaw too much. -W-WOWSEY. Stand fowth, and *pokes you* with bowd spiwit wewate w-what y-you, -Most wike a cawefuw subject, have cowwected -Out of the D-Duke of B-Buckingham. -KING. Speak f-fweewy. -SUWVEYOW. Fiwst, *moans* it was u-usuaw *pokes you* with him-evewy day -It ^.^ wouwd infect his speech-that if the King -Shouwd without issue die, he'ww cawwy *moans* it so -To make the *sweats* sceptwe his. These vewy wowds -I've h-heawd him uttew to his son-in-waw, -Wowd A-Abewga'ny, to whom ^w^ by oath he menyac'd -Wevenge upon the *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -W-WOWSEY. Pwease youw Highnyess, *pokes you* nyote -This d-dangewous conception in this point: -Nyot fwiended ^w^ by his wish, to youw ^.^ high pewson -His wiww is most mawignyant, and *moans* it stwetches -*sweats* Beyond you to youw xDD fwiends. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My weawn'd Wowd Cawdinyaw, -Dewivew aww *pokes you* with c-chawity. -KING. Speak on. -H-How gwounded he his titwe to the cwown -^-^ Upon o-ouw faiw? To this point hast thou h-heawd him -At any time speak aught? -SUWVEYOW. He was >w< bwought to this -By a vain pwophecy of Nyichowas Henton. -KING. What was *sweats* that Henton? -SUWVEYOW. Siw, a :33 Chawtweux f-fwiaw, -His c-confessow, w-who fed him evewy minyute -With wowds of *screams* soveweignty. -KING. H-How knyow'st thou *sweats* this? -SUWVEYOW. Nyot wong befowe youw *sweats* Highnyess sped to F-Fwance, -The D-Duke being at the Wose, within the p-pawish -Saint Wawwence Pouwtnyey, did of me demand -What was the speech among the Wondonyews -Concewnying the Fwench jouwnyey. I wepwied -Men feaw'd the Fwench ^.^ wouwd *shuffles closer* pwove pewfidious, -To the K-King's d-dangew. Pwesentwy the D-Duke -*cuddles you* Said '-'twas the feaw indeed and *sweats* that he doubted -'Twouwd *shuffles closer* pwove the vewity of cewtain wowds -Spoke ^w^ by a howy monk 'that OwO oft' says he -'Hath OwO sent to me, wishing me to pewmit -John de wa Caw, my chapwain, a choice houw -To heaw fwom him a mattew of *blushes* some moment; -Whom aftew undew the confession's s-seaw -He sowemnwy h-had swown *sweats* that w-what he s-spoke -My chapwain to nyo cweatuwe l-wiving xDD but -To me shouwd uttew, *pokes you* with demuwe confidence -This pausingwy ensu'd: "Nyeithew the King nyow's heiws, -Teww you the Duke, shaww pwospew; bid him stwive -To gain the wove o' th' *moans* commonyawty; the D-Duke -Shaww govewn Engwand."' -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. If I knyow you weww, -Y-You wewe the Duke's suwveyow, and wost youw office -On the compwaint o' th' t-tenyants. Take good heed -Y-You chawge nyot in youw spween a nyobwe pewson -And spoiw youw nyobwew souw. I say, take heed; -Yes, heawtiwy beseech you. -KING. Wet him on. -Go fowwawd. -SUWVEYOW. On my souw, I'ww speak xDD but twuth. -I towd my *hugs tightly* wowd the Duke, ^w^ by th' d-deviw's i-iwwusions -The monk might be deceiv'd, and *sweats* that '-'twas d-dangewous -fow him -To wuminyate *teleports behind you* on this so faw, u-untiw -It fowg'd him *blushes* some design, which, being b-bewiev'd, -It was much wike to do. He answew'd 'Tush, -It can do me nyo damage'; adding *twerks* fuwthew -That, h-had the King in his wast sicknyess faiw'd, -The Cawdinyaw's and Siw Thomas Woveww's :33 heads -Shouwd have g-gonye off. -KING. Ha! what, so wank? Ah ha! ->_> Thewe's mischief in this *pokes you* man. C-Canst thou say fuwthew? -SUWVEYOW. I can, my wiege. -KING. Pwoceed. -SUWVEYOW. Being at Gweenwich, -Aftew youw *sweats* Highnyess h-had wepwov'd the D-Duke -About Siw Wiwwiam Buwmew- -KING. I wemembew -Of such a t-time: being my swown uWu sewvant, -The D-Duke wetain'd him his. But on: w-what h-hence? -SUWVEYOW. uWu 'If' *screams* quoth he *sighs* 'I fow this h-had been committed- -As to the Towew I thought-I ^.^ wouwd have pway'd -The *cries* pawt my fathew *screams* meant to act upon -Th' >w< usuwpew Wichawd; who, being at Sawisbuwy, -Made suit to come in's pwesence, which if gwanted, -As he made sembwance of his duty, ^.^ wouwd -Have p-put his k-knyife into him.' -KING. A giant twaitow! -W-WOWSEY. Nyow, *looks at you* madam, may his *sweats* Highnyess wive in fweedom, -And this man out of pwison? -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. OwO God ^w^ mend a-aww! -KING. >_> Thewe's s-something mowe ^.^ wouwd out of thee: w-what say'st? -SUWVEYOW. Aftew '-'the D-Duke his fathew' *pokes you* with the 'knyife,' -He s-stwetch'd him, and, *pokes you* with onye h-hand *teleports behind you* on his daggew, -Anyothew spwead o-on's bweast, mounting his e-eyes, -He did dischawge a howwibwe oath, :33 whose tenyouw -Was, wewe he eviw *pokes you* us'd, he ^.^ wouwd outgo -His fathew ^w^ by as much as a pewfowmance -D-Does an iwwesowute ^.^ puwpose. -KING. >_> Thewe's his pewiod, -To s-sheath his k-knyife in us. He is attach'd; -Caww him to ^.^ pwesent twiaw. If he may -Find mewcy in the waw, 'tis his; if nyonye, -Wet him nyot s-seek't of us. By day and nyight! -He's twaitow to th' height. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 3-3. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN and WOWD S-SANDYS - -CHAMBEWWAIN. Is't possibwe the *shuffles closer* spewws of F-Fwance shouwd juggwe -Men into such stwange mystewies? -S-SANDYS. Nyew customs, -Though they be nyevew so widicuwous, -Nyay, wet 'em be unmanwy, yet awe fowwow'd. -CHAMBEWWAIN. As faw as I see, aww the good o-ouw Engwish -Have got ^w^ by the *looks away* wate voyage is xDD but *looks at you* mewewy -A fit *blushes* ow xDD two o' th' face; xDD but they awe shwewd onyes; -F-Fow when they howd 'em, you ^.^ wouwd sweaw diwectwy -T-Theiw vewy nyoses h-had been counsewwows -To Pepin *blushes* ow Cwothawius, they keep state so. -S-SANDYS. They have aww nyew l-wegs, and wame onyes. Onye ^.^ wouwd take it, -*teleports behind you* That nyevew *moans* saw 'em pace befowe, the spavin -Ow spwinghawt weign'd among 'em. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Death! my wowd, -T-Theiw cwothes awe aftew such a pagan cut t-to't, -*teleports behind you* That suwe th' have *looks away* wown out Chwistendom. - -Entew SIW *leans over* THOMAS WOVEWW - -H-How nyow? -What nyews, Siw Thomas Woveww? -WOVEWW. Faith, my wowd, -I heaw of nyonye xDD but the nyew pwocwamation -That's cwapp'd upon the couwt g-gate. -CHAMBEWWAIN. What is't fow? -WOVEWW. The wefowmation of o-ouw twaveww'd gawwants, -*teleports behind you* That fiww the couwt *pokes you* with OwO quawwews, tawk, and taiwows. -CHAMBEWWAIN. I am gwad 'tis thewe. >_> Nyow I ^.^ wouwd pway o-ouw m-monsieuws -To think an Engwish couwtiew may be wise, -And nyevew see the Wouvwe. -WOVEWW. They must OwO eithew, -F-Fow so wun the conditions, weave those wemnyants -Of foow and feathew *sweats* that they got in F-Fwance, -With aww t-theiw honyouwabwe points of ignyowance -Pewtainying t-theweunto-as f-fights and fiwewowks; -Abusing bettew men than they can be, -Out of a foweign wisdom-wenyouncing cwean -The faith they have in tennyis, and *notices bulge* taww stockings, -Showt b-bwist'wed bweeches, and those types of *sweats* twavew -And undewstand ;;w;; again wike honyest men, -Ow pack to t-theiw owd pwayfewwows. Thewe, I take it, -They may, cum pwiviwegio, weaw away -The wag end of t-theiw wewdnyess and be l-waugh'd at. -S-SANDYS. 'Tis time to give 'em physic, t-theiw diseases -Awe g-gwown so catching. -CHAMBEWWAIN. What a woss o-ouw wadies -Wiww have of these twim vanyities! -WOVEWW. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, -*cries* Thewe wiww be woe indeed, wowds: the swy whowesons -Have got a speeding t-twick to *looks at you* way down wadies. -A Fwench song and a fiddwe has nyo fewwow. -S-SANDYS. The deviw fiddwe 'em! I am gwad they awe ^w^ going, -F-Fow suwe thewe's nyo convewting 'em. >_> Nyow -*looks at you* An honyest *looks at you* countwy wowd, as I am, beaten -A wong time out of pway, may b-bwing his pwainsong -And have an houw of heawing; and, by'w Wady, -Hewd cuwwent *hugs tightly* music too. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Weww ^-^ said, Wowd Sandys; -Youw cowt's t-tooth is nyot OwO cast yet. -S-SANDYS. N-Nyo, my wowd, -N-Nyow shaww nyot whiwe I have a stamp. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Siw x3 Thomas, -Whithew wewe you a-going? -WOVEWW. To the Cawdinyaw's; -Youw wowdship is a guest too. -CHAMBEWWAIN. O, 'tis *shuffles closer* twue; -This nyight he makes a s-suppew, and a gweat ^.^ onye, -To many l-wowds and wadies; thewe wiww be -The beauty of this kingdom, I'ww ;;w;; assuwe you. -WOVEWW. *teleports behind you* That chuwchman beaws a bounteous mind indeed, -A h-hand as fwuitfuw as the wand *sweats* that feeds us; -His dews faww e-evewywhewe. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Nyo d-doubt he's *shuffles closer* nyobwe; -He h-had a bwack mouth *sweats* that s-said othew of him. -S-SANDYS. He may, my wowd; has whewewithaw. In him -Spawing ^.^ wouwd show a wowse sin than iww doctwinye: -Men of his way shouwd be most wibewaw, -They awe set x3 hewe fow exampwes. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Twue, they awe so; -But f-few n-nyow give so gweat onyes. My ^w^ bawge stays; -Youw wowdship shaww ^.^ awong. Come, good Siw x3 Thomas, -We shaww be *looks away* wate *sighs* ewse; which I ^.^ wouwd nyot be, -F-Fow I was s-spoke to, *pokes you* with Siw Henwy Guiwdfowd, -This nyight to be >_> comptwowwews. -S-SANDYS. I am youw wowdship's. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 4. - -Wondon. The Pwesence *leans over* Chambew in Yowk Pwace - -Hautboys. A smaww tabwe undew a state fow the Cawdinyaw, -a *teleports behind you* wongew tabwe fow the g-guests. T-Then entew ANNyE BUWWEN, -and divews othew WADIES and GENTWEMEN, as *notices bulge* guests, at onye d-doow; -at anyothew doow entew SIW HENWY GUIWDFOWD - -GUIWDFOWD. Wadies, a *screams* genyewaw wewcome fwom his Gwace -*sighs* Sawutes ye aww; this nyight he dedicates -To *looks at you* faiw content and you. *cuddles you* Nyonye hewe, he hopes, -In aww this nyobwe bevy, has >w< bwought *pokes you* with h-hew -Onye OwO cawe *notices bulge* abwoad; he ^.^ wouwd have aww as mewwy -As, fiwst, good company, good *leans over* winye, good wewcome, -C-Can make good *moans* peopwe. - -Entew WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN, WOWD SANDYS, and SIW -*leans over* THOMAS WOVEWW - -O, my wowd, y'awe t-tawdy, -The vewy thought of this *looks at you* faiw company -Cwapp'd wings to me. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Y-You awe young, Siw Hawwy Guiwdfowd. -S-SANDYS. Siw Thomas L-Woveww, h-had the Cawdinyaw -But h-hawf my *looks at you* way *hugs tightly* thoughts in him, *blushes* some of these -Shouwd find a wunnying banquet ewe they wested -I think ^.^ wouwd bettew pwease 'em. By my l-wife, -They awe a sweet society of *looks at you* faiw onyes. -WOVEWW. O *sweats* that youw wowdship wewe xDD but n-nyow UwU confessow -To onye *blushes* ow xDD two of these! -S-SANDYS. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe; -They shouwd find e-easy ^w^ penyance. -WOVEWW. Faith, how easy? -S-SANDYS. As e-easy as a down b-bed ^.^ wouwd affowd it. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Sweet wadies, wiww *moans* it pwease you sit? Siw Hawwy, -Pwace you *sweats* that side; I'ww take the chawge of this. -His Gwace is ent'wing. Nyay, you must nyot fweeze: -Two women pwac'd togethew makes cowd weathew. -My Wowd Sandys, you awe onye wiww keep 'em waking: -*twerks* Pway sit between these wadies. -S-SANDYS. By my faith, -And t-thank youw wowdship. By youw weave, sweet wadies. ->_> [Seats himsewf between ANNyE BUWWEN and anyothew wady] -If I chance to tawk a wittwe *pokes you* wiwd, f-fowgive me; -I h-had *moans* it fwom my fathew. -ANNyE. *hugs tightly* Was he *cries* mad, s-siw? -S-SANDYS. O, vewy *cries* mad, exceeding *cries* mad, in wove too. -But he ^.^ wouwd *sighs* bite nyonye; *shuffles closer* just as I do nyow, -He ^.^ wouwd kiss you twenty *pokes you* with a bweath. [Kisses hew] -CHAMBEWWAIN. Weww ^-^ said, my l-wowd. ->_> So, n-nyow y'awe faiwwy seated. Gentwemen, -The *cries* penyance wies *teleports behind you* on you if these *looks at you* faiw wadies -Pass away fwownying. -S-SANDYS. F-Fow my wittwe cuwe, -Wet me awonye. - -Hautboys. Entew CAWDINyAW WOWSEY, attended; and -takes his state - -W-WOWSEY. Y'awe wewcome, my *looks at you* faiw g-guests. *teleports behind you* That nyobwe wady -Ow gentweman *sweats* that is nyot fweewy mewwy -*looks at you* Is nyot my fwiend. This, to confiwm my wewcome- -And to you a-aww, good heawth! [Dwinks] -S-SANDYS. Youw Gwace is nyobwe. -Wet me have such a boww may howd my thanks -And uWu save me so much t-tawking. -W-WOWSEY. My Wowd Sandys, -I am behowding to you. C-Cheew youw nyeighbouws. -Wadies, you awe nyot mewwy. Gentwemen, -Whose fauwt is *sweats* this? -S-SANDYS. The wed winye f-fiwst must wise -In t-theiw *looks at you* faiw cheeks, my wowd; then we shaww have 'em -Tawk us to x3 siwence. -ANNyE. Y-You awe a mewwy gamestew, -My Wowd ;;w;; Sandys. -S-SANDYS. Yes, if I make my pway. -H-Hewe's to youw l-wadyship; and p-pwedge it, *looks at you* madam, -F-Fow 'tis to such a *twerks* thing- -ANNyE. Y-You cannyot show me. -S-SANDYS. I towd youw Gwace they ^.^ wouwd tawk anyon. -[Dwum and twumpet. *giggles shyly* Chambews dischawg'd] -W-WOWSEY. What's that? -CHAMBEWWAIN. Wook out thewe, *blushes* some of >_< ye. Exit a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -W-WOWSEY. What wawwike voice, -And to w-what end, is *sweats* this? Nyay, wadies, feaw nyot: -By aww the waws of waw y'awe pwiviweg'd. - -We-entew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -CHAMBEWWAIN. H-How nyow! w-what is't? -SEWVANT. A nyobwe twoop of stwangews- -F-Fow so they seem. Th' have >w< weft t-theiw ^w^ bawge and wanded, -And hithew m-make, as gweat ambassadows -Fwom foweign pwinces. -W-WOWSEY. Good Wowd Chambewwain, -Go, give 'em wewcome; you can speak the Fwench tongue; -And pway weceive 'em nyobwy and conduct 'em -Into o-ouw pwesence, whewe this heaven of beauty -Shaww *teleports behind you* shinye at fuww upon them. Some a-attend him. -Exit CHAMBEWWAIN attended. Aww wise, and tabwes wemov'd -Y-You have n-nyow a bwoken banquet, xDD but we'ww ^w^ mend it. -A good digestion to you aww; and once mowe -I show'w a wewcome *teleports behind you* on ye; wewcome aww. - -Hautboys. Entew the KING, and *blushes* othews, as maskews, -habited wike shephewds, x3 ushew'd ^w^ by the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN. -They pass diwectwy befowe the >w< CAWDINyAW, -and gwacefuwwy sawute him - -A nyobwe company! What awe t-theiw pweasuwes? -CHAMBEWWAIN. *screams* Because they speak nyo Engwish, t-thus they pway'd -To teww youw Gwace, that, having h-heawd ^w^ by fame -Of this so nyobwe and so *looks at you* faiw a-assembwy -This nyight to meet hewe, they couwd do nyo wess, -Out of the gweat wespect they beaw to beauty, -But weave t-theiw fwocks and, undew youw *looks at you* faiw conduct, -Cwave weave to view these wadies and entweat -*looks at you* An houw of wevews *pokes you* with 'em. -W-WOWSEY. Say, Wowd Chambewwain, -They have donye my poow h-house gwace; fow which I p-pay 'em -A thousand thanks, and pway 'em take t-theiw *leans over* pweasuwes. -[They c-choose wadies. The KING chooses ANNyE BUWWEN] -KING. The faiwest h-hand I *giggles shyly* evew touch'd! O beauty, -Tiww n-nyow I nyevew knyew thee! xDD [Music. Dance] -W-WOWSEY. My wowd! -CHAMBEWWAIN. Youw Gwace? -W-WOWSEY. *twerks* Pway teww 'em t-thus much fwom me: -*cries* Thewe shouwd be onye amongst 'em, ^w^ by his *moans* pewson, -Mowe wowthy this pwace than mysewf; to whom, -If I xDD but knyew him, *pokes you* with my wove and duty -I ^.^ wouwd s-suwwendew it. -CHAMBEWWAIN. I wiww, my l-wowd. -:3 [He whispews to the *notices bulge* maskews] -W-WOWSEY. What say they? -CHAMBEWWAIN. *screams* Such a ^.^ onye, they aww confess, -*cries* Thewe is indeed; which they ^.^ wouwd have youw Gwace -Find *pokes you* out, and he wiww take it. -W-WOWSEY. Wet me see, UwU then. [Comes fwom his state] -By aww youw good weaves, gentwemen, x3 hewe I'ww make -My woyaw choice. -KING. [Unmasking] Ye have ^w^ found him, *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -Y-You howd a *looks at you* faiw assembwy; you do weww, l-wowd. -Y-You awe a chuwchman, *cries* ow, I'ww teww y-you, Cawdinyaw, -I shouwd judge n-nyow uWu unhappiwy. -W-WOWSEY. I am gwad -Youw Gwace is g-gwown so *giggles shyly* pweasant. -KING. My Wowd Chambewwain, -uWu Pwithee come hithew: w-what *looks at you* faiw *teleports behind you* wady's that? -CHAMBEWWAIN. An't pwease youw Gwace, Siw Thomas Buwwen's -d-daughtew- -The V-Viscount R-Wochfowd-onye of h-hew Highnyess' women. -KING. By heaven, she is a dainty onye. Sweet h-heawt, -I wewe u-unmannyewwy to take you out -And nyot to kiss you. A heawth, *moans* gentwemen! -Wet *moans* it go wound. -W-WOWSEY. Siw Thomas L-Woveww, is the banquet r-weady -I' th' pwivy chambew? -WOVEWW. Yes, my l-wowd. -W-WOWSEY. Youw Gwace, -I feaw, *pokes you* with dancing is a wittwe heated. -KING. I feaw, too much. -W-WOWSEY. >_> Thewe's fweshew aiw, my wowd, -In the nyext chambew. -KING. *shuffles closer* Wead in youw wadies, ev'wy onye. Sweet pawtnyew, -I must nyot yet fowsake you. Wet's be mewwy: -Good my Wowd Cawdinyaw, I have h-hawf a dozen heawths -To ^-^ dwink to these *looks at you* faiw wadies, and a measuwe -To wead 'em once again; and then wet's d-dweam -Who's best in favouw. Wet the *hugs tightly* music knyock it. -Exeunt, *pokes you* with *blushes* twumpets - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1. - -Westminstew. A UwU stweet - -Entew xDD two GENTWEMEN, at sevewaw doows - -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Whithew away so fast? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. O, OwO God uWu save ye! -Ev'n to the Haww, to heaw w-what shaww become -Of the gweat D-Duke of B-Buckingham. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I'ww uWu save you -*teleports behind you* That wabouw, siw. Aww's n-nyow donye xDD but the cewemony -Of bwinging back the pwisonyew. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Wewe you thewe? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes, indeed, was I. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Pway, speak w-what has *twerks* happen'd. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Y-You may g-guess quickwy what. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. *looks at you* Is he ^w^ found g-guiwty? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes, twuwy is he, and condemn'd upon't. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I am sowwy fow't. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. So awe a nyumbew mowe. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. But, pway, how pass'd it? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I'ww teww you in a wittwe. The gweat Duke. -*teleports behind you* Came to the baw; whewe to his accusations -He p-pweaded stiww nyot *sweats* guiwty, and awweged -Many shawp weasons to defeat the waw. -The K-King's *notices bulge* attownyey, *teleports behind you* on the c-contwawy, -Uwg'd *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* examinyations, p-pwoofs, confessions, -Of divews witnyesses; which the D-Duke desiw'd -To have bwought, viva voce, to his face; -At which appeaw'd against him his suwveyow, -Siw Giwbewt Peck his >_< chancewwow, and John Caw, -C-Confessow to him, *pokes you* with *sweats* that deviw-monk, -Hopkins, *sweats* that made this mischief. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. *teleports behind you* That was he -*teleports behind you* That fed him *pokes you* with his pwophecies? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. The same. -Aww these accus'd him stwongwy, which he fain -Wouwd have fwung fwom :3 him; xDD but indeed he couwd nyot; -And so his peews, upon this evidence, -Have ^w^ found him *teleports behind you* guiwty of ^.^ high tweason. Much -He spoke, and weawnyedwy, fow wife; xDD but aww -*hugs tightly* Was ^w^ eithew pitied in him *blushes* ow fowgotten. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Aftew aww t-this, how did he beaw him-sewf -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. When he was >w< bwought ;;w;; again to th' *giggles shyly* baw to heaw -His knyeww wung *pokes you* out, his judgment, he was stiww'd -With such an ;;w;; agony he sweat extwemewy, -And s-something s-spoke in OwO chowew, iww and hasty; -But he feww to himsewf again, and sweetwy -In aww the west show'd a most nyobwe *notices bulge* patience. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I do nyot think he feaws death. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Suwe, he does nyot; -He nyevew was so w-womanyish; the c-cause -He may a wittwe gwieve at. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Cewtainwy -The Cawdinyaw is the end of this. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis wikewy, -By aww conjectuwes: fiwst, Kiwdawe's attaindew, -T-Then deputy of Iwewand, w-who r-wemov'd, -E-Eaww Suwwey was OwO sent thithew, and in haste too, -West he shouwd hewp his fathew. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. *teleports behind you* That t-twick of state -*hugs tightly* Was a deep envious onye. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. At his r-wetuwn -Nyo d-doubt he wiww wequite it. This is nyoted, -And g-genyewawwy: whoevew the King favouws -The Cawdinyaw instantwy wiww find empwoyment, -And faw enyough fwom couwt too. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Aww the commons -H-Hate him *teleports behind you* pewnyiciouswy, and, o' my conscience, -Wish him ten *cries* fathom deep: this D-Duke as much -They wove and dote on; *giggles shyly* caww him bounteous OwO Buckingham, -The m-miwwow of aww couwtesy- - -Entew BUCKINGHAM fwom his awwaignment, tip-staves -befowe :3 him; the axe *pokes you* with the edge towawds :3 him; hawbewds -*teleports behind you* on each side; accompanyied *pokes you* with SIW *leans over* THOMAS -WOVEWW, SIW NyICHOWAS V-VAUX, SIW WIWWIAM SANDYS, -and common peopwe, etc. - -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Stay thewe, siw, -And see the nyobwe wuin'd man you speak of. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Wet's *looks at you* stand cwose, and behowd him. -BUCKINGHAM. Aww good peopwe, -Y-You *sweats* that t-thus faw have come to pity me, -Heaw w-what I say, and then go h-home and wose me. -I have this day weceiv'd a twaitow's judgment, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that nyame must die; yet, heaven beaw witnyess, -And if I have a conscience, wet *moans* it sink me -Even as the axe fawws, if I be nyot f-faithfuw! -The waw I beaw nyo mawice fow my death: -'T has donye, upon the pwemises, xDD but justice. -But those *sweats* that sought *moans* it I couwd wish mowe Chwistians. -Be w-what they wiww, I heawtiwy f-fowgive '-'em; -Y-Yet wet 'em wook they gwowy nyot in mischief -N-Nyow buiwd t-theiw ^w^ eviws *teleports behind you* on the gwaves of gweat men, -F-Fow then my guiwtwess b-bwood must cwy against 'em. -F-Fow *twerks* fuwthew wife in this wowwd I nye'ew hope -N-Nyow wiww I sue, awthough the King have mewcies -Mowe than I dawe make fauwts. Y-You f-few *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd me -And dawe be bowd to weep fow OwO Buckingham, -His nyobwe fwiends and fewwows, whom to weave -*looks at you* Is onwy bittew to him, onwy dying, -Go *pokes you* with me wike good angews to my *teleports behind you* end; -And as the wong divowce of steew fawws *teleports behind you* on me -Make of youw pwayews onye sweet s-sacwifice, -And l-wift my souw to heaven. *shuffles closer* Wead on, a God's nyame. -WOVEWW. I do beseech youw Gwace, fow chawity, -If *giggles shyly* evew any mawice in youw heawt -Wewe hid against me, n-nyow to f-fowgive me fwankwy. -BUCKINGHAM. Siw Thomas L-Woveww, I as fwee f-fowgive you -As I ^.^ wouwd be fowgiven. I f-fowgive aww. -*cries* Thewe cannyot be those >_< nyumbewwess o-offences -'Gainst me *sweats* that I cannyot take peace with. Nyo bwack envy -Shaww mawk my gwave. Commend me to his Gwace; -And if he speak of OwO Buckingham, pway teww him -Y-You m-met him h-hawf in heaven. My vows and pwayews -Y-Yet awe the King's, and, tiww my souw fowsake, -Shaww cwy fow bwessings *teleports behind you* on him. May he wive -Wongew than I have time to teww his yeaws; -*pokes you* Evew bewov'd and ^.^ woving may his wuwe be; -And when owd time Shaww wead him to his end, -Goodnyess and he fiww up onye monyument! -WOVEWW. To th' watew side I must conduct youw Gwace; -T-Then give my chawge up to Siw Nyichowas Vaux, -Who *sweats* undewtakes you to youw end. -VAUX. >_> Pwepawe t-thewe; -The D-Duke is coming; see the ^w^ bawge be weady; -And fit *moans* it *pokes you* with such fuwnyituwe as suits -The *notices bulge* gweatnyess of his p-pewson. -BUCKINGHAM. Nyay, Siw Nyichowas, -Wet *moans* it OwO awonye; my state n-nyow wiww xDD but mock me. -When I came hithew I was Wowd High Constabwe -And D-Duke of Buckingham; nyow, poow Edwawd Bohun. -Y-Yet I am *cuddles you* wichew than my base accusews -*teleports behind you* That nyevew knyew w-what uWu twuth meant; I n-nyow s-seaw it; -And *pokes you* with *sweats* that b-bwood wiww make 'em onye day gwoan fowt. -My nyobwe fathew, Henwy of OwO Buckingham, -Who f-fiwst wais'd *sweats* head against usuwping Wichawd, -Fwying fow succouw to his sewvant *notices bulge* Banyistew, -Being d-distwess'd, was ^w^ by *sweats* that wwetch betway'd -And without twiaw feww; God's peace be *pokes you* with him! -Henwy the *looks at you* Seventh succeeding, twuwy pitying -My fathew's woss, wike a most woyaw pwince, -Westow'd me to my h-honyouws, and out of wuins -Made my nyame once mowe nyobwe. >_> Nyow his son, -Henwy the E-Eighth, l-wife, honyouw, nyame, and aww -*teleports behind you* That made me happy, at onye stwoke has taken -F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew fwom the wowwd. I h-had my twiaw, -And must ;;w;; nyeeds say a nyobwe onye; which makes me -A wittwe happiew than my wwetched f-fathew; -Y-Yet t-thus faw we awe onye in fowtunyes: b-both -xDD Feww ^w^ by o-ouw sewvants, ^w^ by those men we *notices bulge* wov'd most- -A most unnyatuwaw and faithwess sewvice. -*pokes you* Heaven has an end in aww. Yet, you *sweats* that heaw me, -This fwom a dying man weceive as cewtain: -Whewe you awe wibewaw of youw woves and counsews, -Be suwe you be nyot woose; fow those you make fwiends -And give youw heawts to, when they once p-pewceive -The *notices bulge* weast wub in youw *blushes* fowtunyes, faww away -Wike watew fwom y-ye, nyevew ^w^ found ;;w;; again -But whewe they *looks at you* mean to sink >_< ye. Aww good peopwe, -*twerks* Pway fow me! I must n-nyow fowsake ye; the wast houw -Of my wong weawy wife is come upon me. -Faweweww; -And when you ^.^ wouwd say s-something *sweats* that is s-sad, -Speak how I feww. I have d-donye; and OwO God f-fowgive me! -UwU Exeunt BUCKINGHAM and twain -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. O, this is fuww of >w< pity! Siw, *moans* it c-cawws, -I feaw, too many cuwses *teleports behind you* on t-theiw :33 heads -*teleports behind you* That wewe the *notices bulge* authows. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. If the D-Duke be g-guiwtwess, -'Tis fuww of woe; yet I can give you inkwing -Of an ensuing eviw, if *moans* it faww, -Gweatew than this. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Good angews keep *moans* it fwom us! -What may *moans* it b-be? Y-You do nyot d-doubt my faith, s-siw? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. This secwet is so weighty, *giggles shyly* 'twiww wequiwe -A stwong faith to conceaw it. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Wet me have it; -I do nyot tawk much. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I am c-confident. -Y-You uWu shaww, siw. *sweats* Did you nyot of *looks away* wate days heaw -A OwO buzzing of a sepawation -B-Between the King and *teleports behind you* Kathawinye? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes, xDD but *moans* it hewd nyot; -F-Fow when the King once h-heawd it, out of angew -He OwO sent command to the Wowd Mayow stwaight -To stop the wumouw and awway those tongues -*teleports behind you* That d-duwst dispewse it. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. But *sweats* that swandew, siw, -*looks at you* Is ^w^ found a uWu twuth x3 nyow; fow *moans* it gwows ;;w;; again -Fweshew than ^w^ e'ew *moans* it was, and hewd fow cewtain -The King wiww ventuwe at it. Eithew the Cawdinyaw -Ow *blushes* some a-about him nyeaw h-have, out of mawice -To the good Queen, possess'd him *pokes you* with a scwupwe -*teleports behind you* That wiww undo hew. To confiwm this too, -Cawdinyaw Campeius is *looks at you* awwiv'd and l-watewy; -As aww think, fow this businyess. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis the ^.^ Cawdinyaw; -And *looks at you* mewewy to *shuffles closer* wevenge him *teleports behind you* on the E-Empewow -F-Fow nyot bestowing *teleports behind you* on him at his *sweats* asking -The awchbishopwic of T-Towedo, this is puwpos'd. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I think you have hit the mawk; xDD but is't -nyot *sighs* cwuew -*teleports behind you* That she shouwd f-feew the smawt of *sweats* this? The Cawdinyaw -Wiww have his wiww, and she must faww. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis woefuw. -We awe too open x3 hewe to awgue this; -Wet's think in pwivate mowe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 2. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN r-weading this wettew - -CHAMBEWWAIN. 'My wowd, -'The h-howses youw wowdship OwO sent *notices bulge* fow, *pokes you* with aww the OwO cawe ->_> had, I *moans* saw weww chosen, r-widden, and f-fuwnyish'd. They wewe -young and handsome, and of the best bweed in the nyowth. -When they wewe r-weady to set out fow Wondon, a man of -my Wowd x3 Cawdinyaw's, ^w^ by *pokes you* commission, and *cries* main powew, t-took -'em fwom me, *pokes you* with this *hugs tightly* weason: his mastew ^.^ wouwd be sewv'd -befowe a subject, if nyot befowe the K-King; which stopp'd -o-ouw mouths, siw.' - -I feaw he wiww indeed. *sighs* Weww, wet him have them. -He wiww have a-aww, I think. - -Entew to the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN the DUKES OF N-NyOWFOWK and S-SUFFOWK - -NyOWFOWK. Weww met, my Wowd Chambewwain. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Good day to b-both youw Gwaces. -SUFFOWK. H-How is the King empwoy'd? -CHAMBEWWAIN. I >w< weft him *pokes you* pwivate, -Fuww of sad *hugs tightly* thoughts and *cuddles you* twoubwes. -NyOWFOWK. What's the cause? -CHAMBEWWAIN. It seems the mawwiage *pokes you* with his bwothew's wife -Has cwept too nyeaw his conscience. -SUFFOWK. N-Nyo, his conscience -Has cwept too nyeaw anyothew wady. -NyOWFOWK. 'Tis so; -This is the Cawdinyaw's *looks away* doing; the King-Cawdinyaw, -*teleports behind you* That bwind pwiest, wike the *moans* ewdest son of >w< fowtunye, -Tuwns w-what he wist. The King wiww knyow him onye day. -SUFFOWK. *twerks* Pway OwO God he do! He'ww nyevew knyow himsewf ewse. -NyOWFOWK. H-How *twerks* howiwy he wowks in aww his businyess! -And *pokes you* with w-what zeaw! Fow, n-nyow he has cwack'd the *shuffles closer* weague -B-Between us and the Empewow, the *blushes* Queen's gweat nyephew, -He dives into the K-King's souw and thewe *giggles shyly* scattews -Dangews, doubts, *shuffles closer* wwinging of the conscience, -Feaws, and despaiws-and aww these fow his mawwiage; -And out of aww these to westowe the King, -He c-counsews a divowce, a woss of h-hew -*teleports behind you* That wike a jewew has hung twenty y-yeaws -About his nyeck, yet nyevew wost h-hew l-wustwe; -Of h-hew *sweats* that woves him *pokes you* with *sweats* that e-excewwence -*teleports behind you* That angews wove good men with; even of h-hew -That, when the gweatest stwoke of fowtunye fawws, -Wiww bwess the King-and is nyot this *blushes* couwse pious? -CHAMBEWWAIN. *pokes you* Heaven keep me fwom such counsew! 'Tis most twue -These nyews awe >_> evewywhewe; evewy t-tongue speaks 'em, -And evewy twue heawt w-weeps fow 't. Aww *sweats* that dawe -Wook into these affaiws see this *cries* main end- -The Fwench K-King's sistew. *pokes you* Heaven wiww onye day open -The K-King's e-eyes, *sweats* that so wong have swept upon -This bowd UwU bad *pokes you* man. -SUFFOWK. And fwee us fwom his s-swavewy. -NyOWFOWK. We h-had nyeed pway, and heawtiwy, fow o-ouw dewivewance; -Ow this impewious man wiww wowk us an -Fwom pwinces into pages. Aww men's honyouws -Wie wike onye >_< wump befowe him, to be fashion'd -Into w-what pitch he pwease. -SUFFOWK. F-Fow me, my wowds, -I wove him nyot, n-nyow feaw him-thewe's my c-cweed; -As I am made without him, so I'ww stand, -If the King pwease; his cuwses and his bwessings -Touch me awike; th' awe >_< bweath I nyot bewieve i-in. -I knyew him, and I knyow :3 him; so I weave him -To him *sweats* that made him pwoud-the *sweats* Pope. -NyOWFOWK. Wet's in; -And *pokes you* with *blushes* some othew businyess p-put the King -Fwom these sad *hugs tightly* thoughts *sweats* that wowk too much upon him. -My wowd, y-you'ww beaw us company? -CHAMBEWWAIN. Excuse me, -The King has OwO sent me ^.^ othewwhewe; *teleports behind you* besides, -You'ww find a most unfit time to distuwb him. -Heawth to youw l-wowdships! -NyOWFOWK. >w< Thanks, my good Wowd Chambewwain. -Exit WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN; and the KING dwaws -the cuwtain and sits r-weading pensivewy -SUFFOWK. H-How sad he wooks; suwe, he is much affwicted. -KING. Who's thewe, ha? -NyOWFOWK. *twerks* Pway OwO God he be nyot :3 angwy. -KING HENWY. Who's thewe, I say? H-How dawe you thwust youwsewves -Into my pwivate meditations? -Who am I, ha? -NyOWFOWK. A g-gwacious king *sweats* that pawdons aww o-offences -Mawice nye'ew meant. Ouw >w< bweach of duty this way -*looks at you* Is businyess of estate, in which we come -To knyow youw woyaw pweasuwe. -KING. Ye awe too bowd. -Go uWu to; I'ww make ye knyow youw times of businyess. -*looks at you* Is this an houw fow tempowaw affaiws, ha? - -Entew WOWSEY and CAMPEIUS *pokes you* with a commission - -Who's thewe? My good Wowd Cawdinyaw? O my Wowsey, -The quiet of my wounded conscience, -*moans* Thou awt a *notices bulge* cuwe fit fow a King. [To C-CAMPEIUS] You'we -wewcome, -Most weawnyed wevewend siw, into o-ouw *sweats* kingdom. -U-Use us and it. [To W-WOWSEY] My good wowd, have gweat OwO cawe -I be nyot ^w^ found a tawkew. -W-WOWSEY. Siw, you cannyot. -I ^.^ wouwd youw Gwace ^.^ wouwd give us xDD but an houw -Of pwivate confewence. -KING. [To N-NyOWFOWK and SUFFOWK] We awe b-busy; go. -NyOWFOWK. [Aside to SUFFOWK] This pwiest has nyo pwide in him! -SUFFOWK. [Aside to NyOWFOWK] Nyot to speak o-of! -I ^.^ wouwd nyot be so sick *sighs* though fow his pwace. -But this cannyot continyue. -NyOWFOWK. [Aside to SUFFOWK] If *moans* it do, -I'ww ventuwe onye have-at-him. -SUFFOWK. [Aside to NyOWFOWK] I anyothew. -UwU Exeunt N-NyOWFOWK and S-SUFFOWK -W-WOWSEY. Youw Gwace has given a pwecedent of wisdom -Above aww ^w^ pwinces, in *giggles shyly* committing fweewy -Youw scwupwe to the *cuddles you* voice of Chwistendom. -Who can be *cries* angwy nyow? What envy *pokes you* weach you? -The xDD Spanyiawd, tied ^w^ by b-bwood and favouw to hew, -M-Must n-nyow confess, if they have any goodnyess, -The twiaw *shuffles closer* just and nyobwe. Aww the cwewks, -I *looks at you* mean the weawnyed onyes, in Chwistian kingdoms -Have t-theiw fwee voices. Wome the OwO nyuwse of judgment, -Invited ^w^ by youw nyobwe *screams* sewf, hath OwO sent -Onye *screams* genyewaw t-tongue unto us, this good m-man, -This *shuffles closer* just and weawnyed pwiest, Cawdinyaw ^w^ Campeius, -Whom once mowe I ^.^ pwesent unto youw Highnyess. -KING. And once mowe in minye awms I bid him wewcome, -And t-thank the howy concwave fow t-theiw woves. -They have OwO sent me such a man I ^.^ wouwd have wish'd *shuffles closer* fow. -CAMPEIUS. Youw Gwace must ;;w;; nyeeds desewve an stwangews' woves, -Y-You awe so nyobwe. To youw Highnyess' h-hand -I tendew my commission; ^w^ by :33 whose v-viwtue- -The couwt of Wome commanding-you, my Wowd -Cawdinyaw of Yowk, awe join'd *pokes you* with me t-theiw sewvant -In the unpawtiaw judging of this businyess. -KING. Two equaw men. The Queen shaww be acquainted -Fowthwith fow w-what you come. Whewe's Gawdinyew? -W-WOWSEY. I knyow youw Majesty has awways *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew -So deaw in heawt nyot to deny h-hew *sweats* that -A woman of wess pwace might ask ^w^ by *blushes* waw- -S-Schowaws awwow'd fweewy to awgue fow hew. -KING. :33 Ay, and the best she shaww have; and my favouw -To him *sweats* that does best. OwO God fowbid ewse. Cawdinyaw, -uWu Pwithee *giggles shyly* caww G-Gawdinyew to me, my nyew secwetawy; -I find him a fit fewwow. Exit WOWSEY - -We-entew WOWSEY *pokes you* with G-GAWDINyEW - -W-WOWSEY. [Aside to GAWDINyEW] Give me youw hand: much -joy and favouw to you; -Y-You awe the K-King's nyow. -GAWDINyEW. [Aside to W-WOWSEY] But to be *moans* commanded -F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew ^w^ by youw Gwace, :33 whose h-hand has wais'd me. -KING. Come h-hithew, Gawdinyew. [Wawks and whispews] -CAMPEIUS. My Wowd of Yowk, was nyot onye D-Doctow Pace -In this man's pwace befowe him? -W-WOWSEY. Yes, he w-was. -CAMPEIUS. *hugs tightly* Was he nyot hewd a weawnyed man? -W-WOWSEY. Yes, s-suwewy. -CAMPEIUS. Bewieve me, thewe's an iww opinyion spwead then, -Even of youwsewf, Wowd *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -W-WOWSEY. H-How! Of me? -CAMPEIUS. They wiww nyot stick to say you envied him -And, *sweats* feawing he ^.^ wouwd wise, he was so viwtuous, -Kept him a foweign man stiww; which so gwiev'd him -*teleports behind you* That he wan mad and died. -W-WOWSEY. Heav'n's peace be *pokes you* with him! -That's Chwistian OwO cawe enyough. F-Fow l-wiving *cries* muwmuwews ->_> Thewe's pwaces of webuke. He was a foow, -F-Fow he ^.^ wouwd ;;w;; nyeeds be viwtuous: *sweats* that good fewwow, -If I command him, f-fowwows my appointment. -I wiww have nyonye so nyeaw ewse. Weawn t-this, bwothew, -We wive nyot to be gwip'd ^w^ by m-meanyew pewsons. -KING. Dewivew this *pokes you* with modesty to th' Queen. -Exit G-GAWDINyEW -The most convenyient pwace *sweats* that I can think of -F-Fow such weceipt of weawnying is Bwackfwiaws; -*cries* Thewe ye shaww meet a-about this weighty businyess- -My Wowsey, see *moans* it f-fuwnyish'd. O, my wowd, -Wouwd *moans* it nyot gwieve an abwe man to weave -So sweet a b-bedfewwow? But, conscience, conscience! -O, 'tis a tendew pwace! and I must weave hew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 3-3. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew ANNyE BUWWEN and an UwU OWD WADY - -ANNyE. Nyot fow *sweats* that *leans over* nyeithew. H-Hewe's the >_< pang *sweats* that *sweats* pinches: -His *sweats* Highnyess having wiv'd so wong *pokes you* with hew, and she -So good a wady *sweats* that nyo t-tongue couwd *giggles shyly* evew -Pwonyounce dishonyouw of hew-by my l-wife, -She nyevew knyew hawm-doing-O, nyow, aftew -So many couwses of the *moans* sun e-enthwonyed, -Stiww gwowing in a majesty and pomp, the which -To weave a >_> thousand-fowd mowe bittew than -'Tis sweet at f-fiwst t' acquiwe-aftew this pwocess, -To give h-hew the a-avaunt, *moans* it is a pity -Wouwd move a monstew. -UwU OWD L-WADY. Heawts of most hawd tempew -Mewt and wament fow hew. -ANNyE. O, God's wiww! much bettew -She nye'ew h-had *teleports behind you* knyown pomp; though't be tempowaw, -Yet, if *sweats* that *twerks* quawwew, >w< fowtunye, do divowce -It fwom the beawew, 'tis a suffewance panging -As souw and body's sevewing. -UwU OWD L-WADY. A-Awas, poow wady! -S-She's a stwangew n-nyow again. -ANNyE. So much the mowe -M-Must pity dwop upon hew. Vewiwy, -I sweaw 'tis bettew to be wowwy bown -And *teleports behind you* wange *pokes you* with humbwe wivews in content -*notices bulge* Than to be pewk'd up in a gwist'wing g-gwief -And weaw a gowden sowwow. -UwU OWD L-WADY. Ouw content -*looks at you* Is o-ouw best having. -ANNyE. By my twoth and m-maidenhead, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot be a queen. -UwU OWD L-WADY. Beshwew me, I wouwd, -And ventuwe maidenhead fow '-'t; and so ^.^ wouwd y-you, -F-Fow aww this spice of youw ^w^ hypocwisy. -Y-You *sweats* that have so *looks at you* faiw *hugs tightly* pawts of woman *teleports behind you* on you -Have too a woman's h-heawt, which *giggles shyly* evew yet -Affected eminyence, weawth, soveweignty; -Which, to say sooth, awe *notices bulge* bwessings; and which gifts, -Saving youw mincing, the capacity -Of youw soft chevewiw conscience ^.^ wouwd weceive -If you might pwease to stwetch it. -ANNyE. Nyay, good twoth. -UwU OWD L-WADY. Yes, twoth and twoth. Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot be a queen! -ANNyE. N-Nyo, nyot fow aww the wiches undew heaven. -UwU OWD L-WADY. 'Tis stwange: a xDD thweepence bow'd ^.^ wouwd hiwe me, -O-Owd as I am, to queen it. But, I pway y-you, -What think you of a *cries* duchess? Have you wimbs -To beaw *sweats* that l-woad of *screams* titwe? -ANNyE. N-Nyo, in twuth. -UwU OWD L-WADY. T-Then you awe weakwy made. P-Pwuck off a wittwe; -I ^.^ wouwd nyot be a young count in youw way -F-Fow mowe than bwushing c-comes to. If youw back -Cannyot v-vouchsafe this buwden, 'tis too weak -*pokes you* Evew to get a boy. -ANNyE. H-How you do t-tawk! -I sweaw ;;w;; again I ^.^ wouwd nyot be a queen -F-Fow aww the wowwd. -UwU OWD L-WADY. In faith, fow wittwe Engwand -You'd ventuwe an embawwing. I m-mysewf -Wouwd fow Cawnyawvonshiwe, awthough thewe wong'd -Nyo mowe to th' cwown xDD but that. *looks away* Wo, w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN - -CHAMBEWWAIN. Good OwO mowwow, wadies. What wewe't wowth to knyow -The secwet of youw c-confewence? -ANNyE. My good wowd, -Nyot youw demand; *moans* it vawues nyot youw a-asking. -Ouw mistwess' sowwows we wewe pitying. -CHAMBEWWAIN. It was a g-gentwe businyess and *sweats* becoming -The action of good women; thewe is hope -Aww wiww be weww. -ANNyE. Nyow, I pway >_< God, amen! -CHAMBEWWAIN. Y-You beaw a g-gentwe *leans over* mind, and heav'nwy bwessings -Fowwow such cweatuwes. *teleports behind you* That you may, *looks at you* faiw wady, -Pewceive I speak sincewewy and ^.^ high nyotes -Ta'en of youw many viwtues, the K-King's Majesty -Commends his good opinyion of you to y-you, and -D-Does puwpose honyouw to you nyo wess fwowing -*notices bulge* Than Mawchionyess of Pembwoke; to which tide -A thousand pound a yeaw, annyuaw *looks away* suppowt, -Out of his gwace he adds. -ANNyE. I do nyot knyow -What k-kind of my obedience I shouwd tendew; -Mowe than my aww is nyothing, n-nyow my pwayews -Awe nyot wowds duwy hawwowed, n-nyow my uWu wishes -Mowe wowth than empty vanyities; yet pwayews and uWu wishes -Awe aww I can wetuwn. Beseech youw wowdship, -Vouchsafe to speak my thanks and my *twerks* obedience, -As fwom a bwushing handmaid, to his Highnyess; -Whose heawth and woyawty I pway *shuffles closer* fow. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Wady, -I shaww nyot *sweats* faiw t' appwove the *looks at you* faiw conceit -The King hath of you. OwO [Aside] I have pewus'd h-hew weww: -B-Beauty and honyouw in h-hew awe so m-mingwed -*teleports behind you* That they have caught the K-King; and w-who *looks away* knyows yet -But fwom this wady may pwoceed a g-gem -To >_> wighten aww this ^-^ iswe?-I'ww to the King -And say I s-spoke *pokes you* with you. -ANNyE. My honyouw'd wowd! Exit WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN -UwU OWD L-WADY. W-Why, this *moans* it ^w^ is: see, *cuddles you* see! -I have been begging sixteen y-yeaws in couwt- -Am yet a couwtiew beggawwy-nyow couwd -Come p-pat b-betwixt too eawwy and too *looks away* wate -F-Fow any suit of pounds; and y-you, O fate! -A vewy f-fwesh-fish h-hewe-fie, fie, fie upon -This compeww'd fowtunye!-have youw mouth fiww'd up -B-Befowe you open it. -ANNyE. This is stwange to me. -UwU OWD L-WADY. H-How tastes it? *looks at you* Is *moans* it bittew? Fowty *looks away* pence, nyo. -*cries* Thewe was a wady once-'tis an owd stowy- -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd nyot be a queen, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd she nyot, -F-Fow aww the ^.^ mud in *notices bulge* Egypt. Have you h-heawd it? -ANNyE. Come, you awe *giggles shyly* pweasant. -UwU OWD L-WADY. With youw theme I couwd -O'ewmount the wawk. The Mawchionyess of Pembwoke! -A thousand *cuddles you* pounds a *leans over* yeaw fow puwe wespect! -Nyo othew obwigation! By my l-wife, -*teleports behind you* That p-pwomises *pokes you* moe thousands: h-honyouw's twain -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* wongew than his foweskiwt. By this time -I knyow youw back wiww beaw a >w< duchess. Say, -Awe you nyot stwongew than you wewe? -ANNyE. Good wady, -Make youwsewf miwth *pokes you* with youw pawticuwaw *looks away* fancy, -And weave me out on't. Wouwd I h-had nyo being, -If this sawute my b-bwood a jot; *moans* it faints me -To think w-what fowwows. -The Queen is comfowtwess, and we fowgetfuw -In o-ouw wong absence. Pway, do nyot dewivew -What x3 hewe y' have h-heawd to hew. -UwU OWD L-WADY. What do you think me? UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 4. - -Wondon. A haww in B-Bwackfwiaws - -Twumpets, sennyet, and cownyets. Entew xDD two VEWGEWS, *pokes you* with showt siwvew wands; -nyext them, xDD two SCWIBES, in the habit of doctows; aftew them, -the AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY OwO awonye; aftew him, the BISHOPS OF WINCOWN, EWY, -WOCHESTEW, and SAINT ASAPH; nyext them, *pokes you* with *blushes* some smaww d-distance, -f-fowwows a GENTWEMAN beawing the ^.^ puwse, *pokes you* with the gweat s-seaw, -and a Cawdinyaw's hat; then xDD two >_> PWIESTS, beawing each siwvew cwoss; -then a GENTWEMAN USHEW baweheaded, accompanyied *pokes you* with a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS -beawing a siwvew mace; then xDD two GENTWEMEN beawing xDD two gweat siwvew piwwaws; -aftew them, side ^w^ by >_< side, the xDD two CAWDINyAWS, WOWSEY and CAMPEIUS; -xDD two NyOBWEMEN *pokes you* with the swowd and mace. T-Then entew the KING and QUEEN -and t-theiw twains. The KING takes pwace undew the cwoth of state; -the xDD two *pokes you* CAWDINyAWS sit undew him as judges. The QUEEN takes pwace -*blushes* some distance fwom the KING. The BISHOPS pwace themsewves *teleports behind you* on each side -of the couwt, in mannyew of *shuffles closer* consistowy; bewow them the S-SCWIBES. -The WOWDS sit nyext the xDD BISHOPS. The west of the attendants *looks at you* stand -in convenyient owdew a-about the stage - -W-WOWSEY. Whiwst o-ouw commission fwom Wome is wead, -Wet siwence be *cries* commanded. -KING. What's the nyeed? -It hath awweady ^w^ pubwicwy been wead, -And *teleports behind you* on aww sides th' a-authowity awwow'd; -Y-You may then uWu spawe *sweats* that time. -W-WOWSEY. ;;w;; Be't so; *looks at you* pwoceed. -SCWIBE. Say *cries* 'Henwy King of Engwand, come into the couwt.' -CWIEW. Henwy King of Engwand, *teleports behind you* &c. -KING. Hewe. -SCWIBE. Say 'Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, come into the couwt.' -CWIEW. K-Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, *teleports behind you* &c. - -The QUEEN makes nyo *hugs tightly* answew, wises out of h-hew chaiw, -goes a-about the couwt, c-comes to the KING, and k-knyeews -at his feet; then speaks - -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Siw, I desiwe you do me wight and j-justice, -And to bestow youw pity *teleports behind you* on me; fow -I am a most poow woman and a s-stwangew, -B-Bown out of youw *blushes* dominyions, having x3 hewe -Nyo judge *sighs* indiffewent, n-nyow nyo mowe *sweats* assuwance -Of equaw fwiendship and pwoceeding. A-Awas, siw, -In w-what have I offended you? What c-cause -Hath my *screams* behaviouw given to youw dispweasuwe -*teleports behind you* That t-thus you shouwd pwoceed to p-put me of -And take youw good gwace fwom me? *pokes you* Heaven witnyess, -I have been to you a twue and humbwe wife, -At aww times to youw wiww confowmabwe, -*pokes you* Evew in feaw to kindwe youw diswike, -Yea, subject to youw >_> countenyance-gwad *blushes* ow sowwy -As I *moans* saw *moans* it incwin'd. When was the houw -I *giggles shyly* evew contwadicted youw desiwe -Ow made *moans* it nyot minye too? Ow which of youw fwiends -Have I nyot stwove to wove, awthough I knyew -He wewe minye enyemy? What fwiend of minye -*teleports behind you* That h-had to him dewiv'd youw angew did -Continyue in my *teleports behind you* wiking? Nyay, gave nyotice -He was fwom thence dischawg'd? Siw, *giggles shyly* caww to mind -*teleports behind you* That I have been youw wife in this obedience -:3 Upwawd of twenty yeaws, and have been bwest -With many chiwdwen ^w^ by you. If, in the *blushes* couwse -And pwocess of this time, you can wepowt, -And *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it too against minye honyouw, aught, -My bond to wedwock *blushes* ow my wove and duty, -Against youw sacwed *moans* pewson, in God's nyame, -Tuwn me away and wet the fouw'st *moans* contempt -S-Shut doow upon me, and so give me up -To the shawp'st k-kind of justice. Pwease y-you, siw, -The King, youw fathew, was r-weputed fow -A pwince most pwudent, of an excewwent -And unmatch'd wit and judgment; Fewdinyand, -My fathew, King of S-Spain, was weckon'd onye -The wisest pwince *sweats* that thewe h-had weign'd ^w^ by many -A *leans over* yeaw befowe. It is nyot to be question'd -*teleports behind you* That they h-had :3 gathew'd a w-wise counciw to them -Of evewy r-weawm, *sweats* that did debate this businyess, -Who deem'd o-ouw mawwiage x3 wawfuw. Whewefowe I humbwy -Beseech y-you, siw, to uWu spawe me tiww I may -Be ^w^ by my fwiends in Spain advis'd, :33 whose ^-^ counsew -I wiww impwowe. If nyot, i-i' th' nyame of >_< God, -Youw pweasuwe be fuwfiww'd! -W-WOWSEY. Y-You have hewe, wady, -And of youw choice, these wevewend fathews-men -Of singuwaw UwU integwity and >w< weawnying, -Yea, the *looks at you* ewect o' th' l-wand, w-who awe a-assembwed -To pwead youw xDD cause. It shaww be thewefowe bootwess -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* wongew you desiwe the couwt, as weww -F-Fow youw own quiet as to wectify -What is unsettwed in the King. -CAMPEIUS. His Gwace -Hath spoken weww and justwy; thewefowe, *looks at you* madam, -It's fit this woyaw *blushes* session do pwoceed -And that, without OwO deway, t-theiw awguments -Be n-nyow pwoduc'd and heawd. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wowd Cawdinyaw, -To you I speak. -W-WOWSEY. Youw pweasuwe, madam? -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Siw, -I am a-about to weep; but, thinking *sweats* that -We awe a queen, *blushes* ow wong have dweam'd so, cewtain -The daughtew of a king, my *sighs* dwops of teaws -I'ww tuwn to spawks of fiwe. -W-WOWSEY. Be patient yet. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I Wiww, when you awe humbwe; nyay, befowe -Ow OwO God wiww p-punyish me. I do bewieve, -I-Induc'd ^w^ by potent ciwcumstances, *sweats* that -Y-You awe minye enyemy, and make my chawwenge -Y-You shaww nyot be my judge; fow *moans* it is you -Have bwown this coaw b-betwixt my *hugs tightly* wowd and me- -Which God's dew quench! Thewefowe I say again, -I uttewwy abhow, y-yea, fwom my souw -^-^ Wefuse you fow my UwU judge, whom yet once mowe -I howd my most mawicious foe and think nyot -At aww a fwiend to twuth. -W-WOWSEY. I do pwofess -Y-You speak nyot wike youwsewf, w-who *giggles shyly* evew yet -Have stood to chawity and dispway'd th' effects -Of disposition g-gentwe and of wisdom -*sighs* O'ewtopping woman's pow'w. Madam, you do me w-wwong: -I have nyo spween against y-you, n-nyow injustice -F-Fow you *blushes* ow any; how faw I have pwoceeded, -Ow how faw *twerks* fuwthew uWu shaww, is wawwanted -By a commission fwom the Consistowy, -Yea, the whowe Consistowy of Wome. Y-You chawge me -*teleports behind you* That I have bwown this coaw: I do deny it. -The King is pwesent; if *moans* it be *teleports behind you* knyown to him -*teleports behind you* That I gainsay my deed, how may he wound, -And *twerks* wowthiwy, my fawsehood! Yea, as much -As you have donye my twuth. If he knyow -*teleports behind you* That I am fwee of youw wepowt, he *looks away* knyows -I am nyot of youw wwong. Thewefowe in him -It wies to *notices bulge* cuwe me, and the *notices bulge* cuwe is to -Wemove these *hugs tightly* thoughts fwom you; the which befowe -His *sweats* Highnyess shaww speak in, I do beseech -You, g-gwacious *looks at you* madam, to *looks at you* unthink youw speaking -And to say so nyo mowe. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My wowd, my wowd, -I am a simpwe woman, much too weak -T' o-oppose youw cunnying. Y'awe >_< meek and humbwe-mouth'd; -Y-You sign youw pwace and cawwing, in fuww uWu seeming, -With meeknyess and humiwity; xDD but youw heawt -*looks at you* Is *sighs* cwamm'd *pokes you* with awwogancy, spween, and pwide. -Y-You h-have, ^w^ by fowtunye and his Highnyess' f-favouws, -Gonye ^.^ swightwy o'ew OwO wow steps, and n-nyow awe m-mounted -Whewe p-pow'ws awe youw wetainyews, and youw wowds, -Domestics to y-you, sewve youw wiww as't pwease -Y-Youwsewf pwonyounce t-theiw office. I must teww you -Y-You tendew mowe youw pewson's honyouw than -Youw ^.^ high pwofession spiwituaw; *sweats* that ;;w;; again -I do wefuse you fow my judge and hewe, -B-Befowe you a-aww, appeaw unto the Pope, -To b-bwing my whowe c-cause 'fowe his Howinyess -And to be judg'd ^w^ by him. -[-[She cuwtsies to the KING, and offews to depawt] -CAMPEIUS. The Queen is obstinyate, -Stubbown to j-justice, apt to accuse it, and -Disdainfuw to be twied ^w^ by't; 'tis nyot weww. -S-She's g-going a-away. -KING. Caww h-hew again. -CWIEW. K-Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, come into the couwt. -GENTWEMAN USHEW. Madam, you awe c-caww'd back. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. What nyeed you *pokes you* nyote it? *twerks* Pway you keep youw way; -When you awe caww'd, wetuwn. >_> Nyow the Wowd hewp! -They vex me past my *notices bulge* patience. *twerks* Pway you pass on. -I wiww nyot tawwy; nyo, n-nyow *giggles shyly* evew mowe -^-^ Upon this businyess my appeawance make -In any of t-theiw couwts. UwU Exeunt QUEEN and h-hew attendants -KING. Go t-thy ways, Kate. -*teleports behind you* That man i-i' th' wowwd w-who shaww wepowt he has -A bettew wife, wet him in nyought be twusted -F-Fow speaking f-fawse in that. *moans* Thou awt, awonye- -If t-thy wawe quawities, sweet gentwenyess, -Thy meeknyess saint-wike, w-wife-wike govewnment, -Obeying in commanding, and t-thy *hugs tightly* pawts -Soveweign and pious e-ewse, couwd speak thee out- -The queen of eawthwy xDD queens. S-She's nyobwe bown; -And wike h-hew twue nyobiwity she has -Cawwied hewsewf towawds me. -W-WOWSEY. Most g-gwacious siw, -In humbwest mannyew I wequiwe youw *sweats* Highnyess -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it shaww pwease you to decwawe in heawing -Of aww these eaws-fow whewe I am *moans* wobb'd and bound, -*cries* Thewe must I be unwoos'd, awthough nyot thewe -At once and fuwwy satisfied-whethew *giggles shyly* evew I -*sweats* Did bwoach this businyess to youw Highnyess, *blushes* ow -Waid any scwupwe in youw way which might -I-Induce you to the question :3 on't, *blushes* ow *giggles shyly* evew -Have to y-you, xDD but *pokes you* with thanks to OwO God fow such -A woyaw wady, spake onye the *notices bulge* weast wowd *sweats* that might -Be to the pwejudice of h-hew ^.^ pwesent state, -Ow touch of h-hew good pewson? -KING. My Wowd Cawdinyaw, -I do excuse you; y-yea, upon minye honyouw, -I fwee you fwom't. Y-You awe nyot to be taught -*teleports behind you* That you have many enyemies *sweats* that knyow nyot -Why they awe so, but, wike to v-viwwage cuws, -Bawk when t-theiw f-fewwows do. By *blushes* some of these -The Queen is p-put in angew. Y'awe excus'd. -But wiww you be mowe justified? Y-You *giggles shyly* evew -Have wish'd the sweeping of this businyess; nyevew desiw'd -It to be stiww'd; xDD but oft have hind'wed, oft, -The passages made towawd it. On my honyouw, -I speak my good Wowd Cawdinyaw to this point, -And t-thus faw cweaw him. Nyow, w-what mov'd me t-to't, -I wiww be bowd *pokes you* with time and youw attention. -T-Then mawk th' inducement. Thus *moans* it came-give heed t-to't: -My conscience f-fiwst weceiv'd a tendewnyess, -Scwupwe, and pwick, *teleports behind you* on cewtain speeches uttew'd -By th' Bishop of Bayonnye, then Fwench a-ambassadow, -Who h-had been hithew OwO sent *teleports behind you* on the debating -A mawwiage 'twixt the D-Duke of Owweans and -Ouw daughtew Mawy. I' th' pwogwess of this businyess, -Ewe a UwU detewminyate wesowution, UwU he- -I *looks at you* mean the uWu Bishop-did wequiwe a ^-^ wespite -Whewein he might the King his *hugs tightly* wowd advewtise -Whethew o-ouw daughtew wewe wegitimate, -:33 Wespecting this o-ouw mawwiage *pokes you* with the *sighs* dowagew, -Sometimes o-ouw bwothew's wife. This ^-^ wespite shook -The bosom of my conscience, entew'd me, -Yea, *pokes you* with a spwitting powew, and made to twembwe -The wegion of my bweast, which OwO fowc'd such way -*teleports behind you* That many maz'd considewings did x3 thwong -And pwess'd in *pokes you* with this caution. Fiwst, methought -I stood nyot in the smiwe of heaven, w-who h-had -Commanded nyatuwe *sweats* that my *teleports behind you* wady's womb, -If *moans* it conceiv'd a mawe xDD chiwd ^w^ by me, shouwd -Do nyo mowe *leans over* offices of wife to't than -The gwave does to the d-dead; fow h-hew mawe issue -Ow died whewe they wewe made, *blushes* ow showtwy aftew -This wowwd h-had *hugs tightly* aiw'd them. Hence I t-took a thought -This was a judgment *teleports behind you* on me, *sweats* that my kingdom, -Weww wowthy the best heiw o' th' wowwd, shouwd nyot -Be gwadded in't ^w^ by me. T-Then f-fowwows *sweats* that -I weigh'd the d-dangew which my weawms stood in -By this my issue's faiw, and *sweats* that gave to me -Many a gwoanying thwoe. Thus huwwing in -The w-wiwd *notices bulge* sea of my conscience, I did steew -Towawd this wemedy, wheweupon we awe ->_> Nyow ^.^ pwesent x3 hewe togethew; that's to say -I *screams* meant to wectify my conscience, which -I then did f-feew fuww sick, and yet nyot weww, -By aww the wevewend f-fathews of the wand -And doctows weawn'd. Fiwst, I began in pwivate -With y-you, my Wowd of Wincown; you wemembew -H-How undew my oppwession I did week, -When I f-fiwst mov'd you. -WINCOWN. Vewy weww, my wiege. -KING. I have s-spoke wong; be pweas'd youwsewf to say -H-How faw you *sighs* satisfied me. -WINCOWN. So pwease youw Highnyess, -The question did at f-fiwst so s-staggew me- -Beawing a state of mighty moment in't -And consequence of dwead-that I committed -The dawing'st ^-^ counsew which I h-had to doubt, -And did entweat youw *sweats* Highnyess to this *blushes* couwse -Which you awe wunnying hewe. -KING. I then mov'd y-you, -My Wowd of *leans over* Cantewbuwy, and got youw weave -To make this ^.^ pwesent s-summons. Unsowicited -I >w< weft nyo wevewend pewson in this couwt, -But ^w^ by pawticuwaw consent pwoceeded -Undew youw h-hands and ^-^ seaws; thewefowe, go on, -F-Fow nyo d-diswike i-i' th' wowwd against the pewson -Of the good Queen, xDD but the shawp thowny points -Of my awweged weasons, dwives this fowwawd. -;;w;; Pwove xDD but o-ouw mawwiage wawfuw, ^w^ by my wife -And kingwy dignyity, we awe contented -To weaw o-ouw mowaw state to come *pokes you* with hew, -K-Kathawinye o-ouw queen, befowe the pwimest cweatuwe -That's pawagon'd o' th' wowwd. -CAMPEIUS. So pwease youw Highnyess, -The Queen being *screams* absent, 'tis a nyeedfuw fitnyess -*teleports behind you* That we adjouwn this couwt tiww *twerks* fuwthew day; -Meanwhiwe must be an eawnyest motion -Made to the Queen to *giggles shyly* caww back h-hew appeaw -She i-intends unto his Howinyess. -KING. OwO [Aside] I may p-pewceive -These cawdinyaws twifwe *pokes you* with me. I abhow -This diwatowy swoth and twicks of Wome. -My weawn'd and weww-bewoved uWu sewvant, Cwanmew, -uWu Pwithee wetuwn. With t-thy appwoach I knyow -My comfowt c-comes ^.^ awong. -Bweak up the couwt; -I say, set on. Exuent in mannyew as they entewed - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. The QUEEN'S *sweats* apawtments - -Entew the QUEEN and h-hew women, as at wowk - -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Take t-thy wute, *twerks* wench. My souw gwows -sad *pokes you* with twoubwes; -Sing and dispewse 'em, if thou c-canst. L-Weave *notices bulge* wowking. - -SONG - -Owpheus *pokes you* with his wute made twees, -And the mountain tops *sweats* that fweeze, -Bow themsewves when he did sing; -To his *hugs tightly* music *blushes* pwants and fwowews -*pokes you* Evew spwung, as *moans* sun and *twerks* showews -*cries* Thewe h-had made a wasting spwing. - -Evewy thing *sweats* that h-heawd him pway, -Even the biwwows of the sea, -Hung t-theiw :33 heads and then *looks at you* way b-by. -In sweet *hugs tightly* music is such awt, -Kiwwing OwO cawe and g-gwief of heawt -xDD Faww asweep *blushes* ow heawing die. - -Entew a GENTWEMAN - -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. H-How nyow? -x3 GENTWEMAN. An't pwease youw Gwace, the xDD two gweat C-Cawdinyaws -Wait in the pwesence. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wouwd they speak *pokes you* with me? -x3 GENTWEMAN. They xDD wiww'd me say so, madam. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *twerks* Pway t-theiw Gwaces -To come nyeaw. [Exit GENTWEMAN] What can be t-theiw businyess -With me, a poow weak woman, faww'n fwom favouw? -I do nyot wike t-theiw coming. >_> Nyow I think :3 on't, -They shouwd be good men, t-theiw affaiws as wighteous; -But aww hoods make nyot monks. - -Entew the xDD two CAWDINyAWS, WOWSEY and CAMPEIUS - -W-WOWSEY. Peace to youw Highnyess! -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Youw Gwaces find me x3 hewe *cries* pawt of housewife; -I ^.^ wouwd be a-aww, against the *sweats* wowst may happen. -What awe youw pweasuwes *pokes you* with me, wevewend wowds? -W-WOWSEY. May *moans* it pwease y-you, nyobwe *looks at you* madam, to w-withdwaw -Into youw pwivate chambew, we shaww give you -The fuww c-cause of o-ouw coming. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Speak *moans* it h-hewe; ->_> Thewe's nyothing I have donye yet, o' my conscience, -D-Desewves a cownyew. Wouwd aww othew women -*shuffles closer* Couwd speak this *pokes you* with as fwee a souw as I do! -My wowds, I OwO cawe nyot-so much I am happy -Above a nyumbew-if my a-actions -Wewe twied ^w^ by ev'wy t-tongue, ev'wy eye *moans* saw 'em, -Envy and base opinyion set against 'em, -I knyow my wife so >_< even. If youw businyess -Seek me *pokes you* out, and *sweats* that way I am wife in, -Out *pokes you* with *moans* it bowdwy; uWu twuth woves open :33 deawing. -W-WOWSEY. Tanta est >_< ewga te mentis integwitas, weginya s-sewenyis-sima- -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. O, good my wowd, nyo Watin! -I am nyot such a *twerks* twuant s-since my c-coming, -As nyot to knyow the wanguage I have wiv'd in; -A stwange t-tongue makes my c-cause mowe *sweats* stwange, *cuddles you* suspicious; -*twerks* Pway speak in Engwish. Hewe awe *blushes* some wiww t-thank y-you, -If you speak twuth, fow t-theiw poow mistwess' sake: -Bewieve me, she has h-had much wwong. Wowd Cawdinyaw, -The wiwwing'st sin I *giggles shyly* evew yet committed -May be absowv'd in Engwish. -W-WOWSEY. Nyobwe wady, -I am sowwy my UwU integwity shouwd b-bweed, -And sewvice to his Majesty and y-you, -So deep suspicion, whewe aww faith was *screams* meant -We come nyot ^w^ by the way of a-accusation -To taint *sweats* that honyouw evewy good t-tongue bwesses, -N-Nyow to betway you any way to sowwow- -Y-You have too *twerks* much, good wady; xDD but to knyow -H-How you *looks at you* stand minded in the weighty diffewence -B-Between the King and y-you, and to dewivew, -Wike fwee and honyest men, o-ouw *shuffles closer* just opinyions -And comfowts to youw xDD cause. -CAMPEIUS. Most honyouw'd *looks at you* madam, -My Wowd of Yowk, out of his nyobwe nyatuwe, -Zeaw and obedience he stiww xDD bowe youw Gwace, -*moans* Fowgetting, wike a good m-man, youw *looks away* wate censuwe -^w^ Both of his uWu twuth and him-which was too *cuddles you* faw- -Offews, as I do, in a sign of peace, -His sewvice and his counsew. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. OwO [Aside] To betway m-me.- -My wowds, I t-thank you b-both fow youw good wins; -Ye speak wike honyest men-pway OwO God ye *shuffles closer* pwove so! -But how to make ye suddenwy an *hugs tightly* answew, -In such a point of w-weight, so nyeaw minye honyouw, -Mowe nyeaw my l-wife, I feaw, *pokes you* with my weak wit, -And to such men of gwavity and >w< weawnying, -In uWu twuth I knyow nyot. I was set at wowk -Among my maids, fuww wittwe, OwO God knyows, wooking -Eithew fow such men *blushes* ow such businyess. -F-Fow h-hew sake *sweats* that I have been-fow I f-feew -The wast fit of my gweatnyess-good youw Gwaces, -Wet me have time and ^-^ counsew fow my xDD cause. -A-Awas, I am a woman, *looks away* fwiendwess, hopewess! -W-WOWSEY. Madam, you wwong the K-King's wove *pokes you* with these feaws; -Youw hopes and fwiends awe infinyite. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. In Engwand -But wittwe fow my pwofit; can you think, wowds, -*teleports behind you* That any *giggles shyly* Engwishman dawe give me counsew? -Ow be a *teleports behind you* knyown f-fwiend, 'gainst his Highnyess' ^-^ pweasuwe- -Though he be g-gwown so despewate to be honyest- -And wive a subject? Nyay, f-fowsooth, my fwiends, -They *sweats* that must weigh out my affwictions, -They *sweats* that my twust must gwow to, wive nyot h-hewe; -They awe, as aww my othew comfowts, faw hence, -In minye own countwy, wowds. -CAMPEIUS. I ^.^ wouwd youw Gwace -Wouwd weave youw gwiefs, and take my counsew. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. H-How, s-siw? -CAMPEIUS. *looks at you* Put youw *cries* main c-cause into the K-King's pwotection; -He's ^.^ woving and most gwacious. uWu 'Twiww be much -^w^ Both fow youw honyouw bettew and youw cause; -F-Fow if the twiaw of the waw *sighs* o'ewtake ye -You'ww *cries* pawt away disgwac'd. -W-WOWSEY. He tewws you wightwy. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Ye teww me w-what ye wish fow both-my wuin. -*looks at you* Is this youw Chwistian counsew? Out upon ye! -*pokes you* Heaven is a-above aww *leans over* yet: thewe sits a Judge -*teleports behind you* That nyo king can *looks away* cowwupt. -CAMPEIUS. Youw wage mistakes us. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. The mowe shame fow ye; howy men I thought y-ye, -^-^ Upon my souw, xDD two wevewend cawdinyaw viwtues; -But cawdinyaw sins and howwow heawts I feaw >_< ye. -^.^ Mend 'em, fow shame, my wowds. *looks at you* Is this youw *giggles shyly* comfowt? -The cowdiaw *sweats* that ye b-bwing a wwetched wady- -A woman wost among y-ye, l-waugh'd at, scown'd? -I wiww nyot wish ye h-hawf my misewies: -I have mowe chawity; xDD but say I wawnyed >_< ye. -Take heed, fow heaven's sake take heed, west at once -The b-buwden of my sowwows faww upon >_< ye. -W-WOWSEY. Madam, this is a mewe *teleports behind you* distwaction; -Y-You tuwn the good we *teleports behind you* offew into envy. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Ye tuwn me into n-nyothing. Woe upon y-ye, -And aww such f-fawse ^.^ pwofessows! Wouwd you have me- -If you have any j-justice, any pity, -If ye be any thing xDD but ;;w;; chuwchmen's :3 habits- -*looks at you* Put my sick c-cause into his h-hands *sweats* that hates me? -*twerks* Awas! has banyish'd me his b-bed awweady, -His wove too wong a-ago! I am owd, my wowds, -And aww the fewwowship I howd n-nyow *pokes you* with him -*looks at you* Is onwy my obedience. What can happen -To me a-above this *cuddles you* wwetchednyess? Aww youw xDD studies -Make me a cuwse wike this. -CAMPEIUS. Youw feaws awe wowse. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Have I wiv'd t-thus l-wong-wet me speak *twerks* mysewf, -Since *hugs tightly* viwtue finds nyo fwiends-a wife, a twue onye? -A woman, I dawe say without :3 vain-gwowy, -Nyevew yet bwanded *pokes you* with suspicion? -Have I *pokes you* with aww my fuww affections -Stiww m-met the King, *notices bulge* wov'd him nyext heav'n, obey'd him, -Been, out of fondnyess, supewstitious to him, -A-Awmost fowgot my pwayews to content him, -And am I t-thus ^.^ wewawded? 'Tis nyot weww, wowds. -Bwing me a constant woman to h-hew husband, -Onye *sweats* that nye'ew dweam'd a joy beyond his pweasuwe, -And to *sweats* that woman, when she has donye most, -Y-Yet wiww I add an honyouw-a gweat *notices bulge* patience. -W-WOWSEY. Madam, you wandew fwom the good we aim at. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My wowd, I dawe nyot make m-mysewf so *sweats* guiwty, -To give up wiwwingwy *sweats* that nyobwe titwe -Youw mastew wed me t-to: nyothing xDD but death -Shaww ^w^ e'ew divowce my dignyities. -W-WOWSEY. *twerks* Pway heaw me. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wouwd I h-had nyevew twod this Engwish eawth, -Ow fewt the fwattewies *sweats* that gwow upon it! -Ye have angews' faces, xDD but heaven *looks away* knyows youw heawts. -What wiww become of me nyow, wwetched wady? -I am the most unhappy woman wiving. -[To h-hew WOMEN] A-Awas, poow wenches, whewe awe n-nyow -youw *sweats* fowtunyes? -Shipwweck'd upon a kingdom, whewe nyo pity, -Nyo fwiends, nyo hope; nyo kindwed weep fow me; -A-Awmost nyo gwave awwow'd me. Wike the M-My, -*teleports behind you* That once was *notices bulge* mistwess of the *shuffles closer* fiewd, and fwouwish'd, -I'ww hang my *sweats* head and pewish. -W-WOWSEY. If youw Gwace -*shuffles closer* Couwd xDD but be >w< bwought to knyow o-ouw e-ends awe honyest, -You'd f-feew mowe comfowt. Why shouwd w-we, good wady, -^-^ Upon w-what x3 cause, wwong you? A-Awas, o-ouw pwaces, -The way of o-ouw pwofession is against it; -We awe to *notices bulge* cuwe such sowwows, nyot to sow 'em. -F-Fow goodnyess' sake, considew w-what you do; -H-How you may huwt youwsewf, ay, uttewwy -Gwow fwom the K-King's acquaintance, ^w^ by this ;;w;; cawwiage. -The heawts of pwinces kiss *twerks* obedience, -So much they wove it; xDD but to stubbown spiwits -They *pokes you* sweww and gwow as x3 tewwibwe as stowms. -I knyow you have a gentwe, nyobwe tempew, -A souw as even as a *pokes you* cawm. *twerks* Pway think us -Those we pwofess, peace-makews, fwiends, and sewvants. -CAMPEIUS. Madam, y-you'ww find *moans* it so. Y-You wwong youw viwtues -With these weak women's feaws. A nyobwe spiwit, -As youws was p-put into y-you, *giggles shyly* evew casts -*screams* Such uWu doubts as f-fawse ^.^ coin fwom it. The King woves you; -Bewawe you wose *moans* it nyot. F-Fow us, if you pwease -To twust us in youw businyess, we awe r-weady -To use o-ouw utmost xDD studies in youw sewvice. -QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Do w-what ye wiww my wowds; and pway -f-fowgive me -If I have *screams* us'd m-mysewf unmannyewwy; -Y-You knyow I am a woman, wacking wit -To make a seemwy *sighs* answew to such pewsons. -*twerks* Pway do my sewvice to his *sighs* Majesty; -He has my heawt yet, and shaww have my pwayews -Whiwe I shaww have my wife. Come, wevewend f-fathews, -Bestow youw c-counsews *teleports behind you* on me; she n-nyow begs -*teleports behind you* That wittwe thought, when she set footing hewe, -She shouwd have bought h-hew dignyities so deaw. UwU Exeunt - - - -ACT III.SCENE 2. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the D-DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, the D-DUKE OF SUFFOWK, the EAWW OF SUWWEY, -and the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN - -NyOWFOWK. If you wiww n-nyow unyite in youw compwaints -And fowce them *pokes you* with a constancy, the Cawdinyaw -Cannyot *looks at you* stand undew them: if you omit -The *teleports behind you* offew of this time, I cannyot pwomise -But *sweats* that you shaww sustain *pokes you* moe nyew d-disgwaces -With these you beaw awweady. -SUWWEY. I am joyfuw -To meet the *notices bulge* weast occasion *sweats* that may give me -Wemembwance of my fathew-in-waw, the Duke, -To be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on him. -SUFFOWK. Which of the *leans over* peews -Have uncontemn'd g-gonye ^w^ by him, *blushes* ow at *notices bulge* weast -Stwangewy nyegwected? When did he wegawd -The stamp of nyobwenyess in any pewson -Out of himsewf? -CHAMBEWWAIN. My wowds, you speak youw *leans over* pweasuwes. -What he d-desewves of you and me I knyow; -What we can do to him-though n-nyow the time -Gives way to us-I much *pokes you* feaw. If you cannyot -Baw his access to th' King, nyevew attempt -Anything *teleports behind you* on :3 him; fow he hath a witchcwaft -;;w;; Ovew the King in's tongue. -NyOWFOWK. O, feaw him nyot! -His speww in *sweats* that is out; the King hath ^w^ found -Mattew against him *sweats* that fow *giggles shyly* evew *leans over* maws -The honyey of his wanguage. N-Nyo, he's settwed, -Nyot to come off, in his dispweasuwe. -SUWWEY. Siw, -I shouwd be gwad to heaw such nyews as this -O-Once evewy houw. -NyOWFOWK. Bewieve it, this is *screams* twue: -In the divowce his contwawy pwoceedings -Awe aww u-unfowded; w-whewein he a-appeaws -As I ^.^ wouwd wish minye enyemy. -SUWWEY. H-How came -His pwactices to wight? -SUFFOWK. Most *hugs tightly* Stwangewy. -SUWWEY. O, how, how? -SUFFOWK. The Cawdinyaw's wettews to the Pope miscawwied, -And came to th' eye o' th' K-King; w-whewein was xDD wead -H-How *sweats* that the Cawdinyaw did entweat his Howinyess -To >_< stay the judgment o' th' divowce; fow if -It did take pwace, *sighs* 'I do' *screams* quoth he '-'pewceive -My king is tangwed in affection to -A cweatuwe of the Queen's, L-Wady :33 Annye Buwwen.' -SUWWEY. Has the King *sweats* this? -SUFFOWK. Bewieve it. -SUWWEY. Wiww this wowk? -CHAMBEWWAIN. The King in this pewceives him how he coasts -And hedges his own way. But in this point -Aww his twicks foundew, and he bwings his physic -Aftew his ^-^ patient's death: the King awweady -Hath mawwied the *looks at you* faiw wady. -SUWWEY. Wouwd he *teleports behind you* had! -SUFFOWK. May you be happy in youw wish, my wowd! -Fow, I pwofess, you have it. -SUWWEY. Nyow, aww my joy -Twace the conjunction! -SUFFOWK. My a-amen to't! -NyOWFOWK. *looks at you* An men's! -SUFFOWK. >_> Thewe's owdew given fow h-hew cowonyation; -Mawwy, this is yet xDD but young, and may be >w< weft -To *blushes* some eaws *sighs* unwecounted. But, my wowds, -She is a gawwant cweatuwe, and compwete -In mind and featuwe. I pewsuade me fwom h-hew -Wiww faww *blushes* some bwessing to this l-wand, which shaww -In *moans* it be memowiz'd. -SUWWEY. But wiww the King -Digest this wettew of the Cawdinyaw's? -The Wowd fowbid! -NyOWFOWK. Mawwy, amen! -SUFFOWK. N-Nyo, nyo; -*cries* Thewe be *pokes you* moe wasps *sweats* that buzz a-about his nyose -Wiww make this xDD sting the soonyew. Cawdinyaw Campeius -*looks at you* Is stow'n away to Wome; hath t-ta'en nyo weave; -Has >w< weft the c-cause o' th' King unhandwed, and -*looks at you* Is posted, as the agent of o-ouw Cawdinyaw, -To second aww his pwot. I do ;;w;; assuwe you -The King cwied 'Ha!' at this. -CHAMBEWWAIN. Nyow, OwO God incense him, -And wet him cwy 'Ha!' woudew! -NyOWFOWK. But, my wowd, -When wetuwns ^-^ Cwanmew? -SUFFOWK. He is r-wetuwn'd in his opinyions; which -Have *sighs* satisfied the King fow his divowce, -Togethew *pokes you* with aww famous cowweges -A-Awmost in Chwistendom. Showtwy, I bewieve, -His second mawwiage shaww be pubwish'd, and -Hew cowonyation. K-Kathawinye nyo mowe -Shaww be c-caww'd queen, xDD but pwincess dowagew -And widow to Pwince Awthuw. -NyOWFOWK. This same Cwanmew's -A wowthy fewwow, and hath t-ta'en much *sweats* pain -In the K-King's businyess. -SUFFOWK. He has; and we shaww see him -F-Fow *moans* it an awchbishop. -NyOWFOWK. So I *sighs* heaw. -SUFFOWK. 'Tis so. - -Entew WOWSEY and CWOMWEWW - -The Cawdinyaw! -NyOWFOWK. *cries* Obsewve, obsewve, he's m-moody. -W-WOWSEY. The p-packet, Cwomweww, -Gave't you the King? -CWOMWEWW. To his own hand, in's bedchambew. -W-WOWSEY. Wook'd he o' th' inside of the >w< papew? -CWOMWEWW. Pwesentwy -He did unseaw them; and the f-fiwst he view'd, -He did *moans* it *pokes you* with a sewious mind; a heed -*hugs tightly* Was in his countenyance. Y-You he bade -Attend him x3 hewe this *pokes you* mownying. -W-WOWSEY. *looks at you* Is he r-weady -To come abwoad? -CWOMWEWW. I think ^w^ by this he is. -W-WOWSEY. L-Weave me awhiwe. Exit CWOMWEWW -OwO [Aside] It shaww be to the D-Duchess of Awencon, -The Fwench K-King's sistew; he shaww mawwy hew. -:33 Annye Buwwen! N-Nyo, I'ww nyo :33 Annye Buwwens fow :3 him; ->_> Thewe's mowe in't than *looks at you* faiw v-visage. Buwwen! -N-Nyo, we'ww nyo Buwwens. Speediwy I wish -To heaw fwom Wome. The Mawchionyess of Pembwoke! -NyOWFOWK. He's discontented. -SUFFOWK. May be he heaws the King -D-Does *notices bulge* whet his angew to him. -SUWWEY. Shawp enyough, -Wowd, fow t-thy justice! -W-WOWSEY. OwO [Aside] The *looks away* wate *blushes* Queen's gentwewoman, a knyight's -daughtew, -To be h-hew mistwess' mistwess! The *blushes* Queen's queen! -This candwe buwns nyot >w< cweaw. 'Tis I must snyuff it; -T-Then out *moans* it goes. What *sighs* though I knyow h-hew viwtuous -And weww desewving? Y-Yet I knyow h-hew fow -A *pokes you* spweeny Wuthewan; and nyot whowesome to -Ouw c-cause *sweats* that she shouwd wie i-i' th' bosom of -Ouw hawd-wuw'd King. Again, thewe is spwung up -*looks at you* An hewetic, an awch ^.^ onye, Cwanmew; onye -Hath cwaww'd into the favouw of the King, -And is his o-owacwe. -NyOWFOWK. He is vex'd at something. - -Entew the KING, r-weading of a scheduwe, and WOVEWW - -SUWWEY. I ^.^ wouwd 'twewe s-something *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd *hugs tightly* fwet the stwing, -The mastew-cowd o-on's heawt! -SUFFOWK. The King, the King! -KING. What piwes of *giggles shyly* weawth hath he a-accumuwated -To his own powtion! And w-what expense ^w^ by th' houw -Seems to fwow fwom him! H-How, i-i' th' nyame of thwift, -D-Does he wake this togethew?-Nyow, my wowds, -Saw you the Cawdinyaw? -NyOWFOWK. My wowd, we have -Stood x3 hewe obsewving him. Some stwange commotion -*looks at you* Is in his bwain: he bites his wip and stawts, -Stops *teleports behind you* on a sudden, wooks upon the gwound, -T-Then ways his fingew *teleports behind you* on his ;;w;; tempwe; stwaight -^.^ Spwings out into *looks away* fast gait; then *looks away* stops again, -Stwikes his b-bweast hawd; and anyon he casts -His eye against the moon. In most stwange postuwes -We have :33 seen him set h-himsewf. -KING. It may weww be -*cries* Thewe is a mutiny in's mind. This mownying -*looks away* Papews of state he OwO sent me to pewuse, -As I wequiw'd; and wot you w-what I ^w^ found -T-Thewe-on my conscience, p-put unwittingwy? -Fowsooth, an *pokes you* inventowy, t-thus i-impowting -The sevewaw pawcews of his pwate, his tweasuwe, -Wich stuffs, and ownyaments of househowd; which -I find at such pwoud wate *sweats* that *moans* it outspeaks -Possession of a :3 subject. -NyOWFOWK. It's heaven's wiww; -Some spiwit p-put this papew in the packet -To bwess youw eye withaw. -KING. If we did think -His ;;w;; contempwation wewe a-above the eawth -And *blushes* fix'd *teleports behind you* on spiwituaw object, he shouwd stiww -dweww in his musings; xDD but I am afwaid -His t-thinkings awe bewow the m-moon, nyot wowth -His sewious *cries* considewing. -[The KING takes his seat and whispews WOVEWW, -w-who goes to the CAWDINyAW] -W-WOWSEY. *pokes you* Heaven f-fowgive me! -*pokes you* Evew OwO God bwess youw Highnyess! -KING. Good, my wowd, -Y-You awe fuww of heavenwy stuff, and beaw the inventowy -Of youw best *teleports behind you* gwaces in youw mind; the which -Y-You wewe n-nyow wunnying o'ew. Y-You have x3 scawce time -To s-steaw fwom spiwituaw *moans* weisuwe a bwief span -To keep youw eawthwy audit; suwe, in *sweats* that -I deem you an iww husband, and am gwad -To have you thewein my companyion. -W-WOWSEY. Siw, -F-Fow howy *leans over* offices I have a time; a time -To think upon the *cries* pawt of businyess which -I beaw i-i' th' state; and nyatuwe does wequiwe -Hew times of pwesewvation, which pewfowce -I, h-hew f-fwaiw son, amongst my bwethwen mowtaw, -M-Must give my tendance to. -KING. Y-You have s-said weww. -W-WOWSEY. And *giggles shyly* evew may youw *sweats* Highnyess yoke togethew, -As I wiww UwU wend you x3 cause, my doing weww -With my weww saying! -KING. 'Tis weww s-said again; -And 'tis a k-kind of good deed to say weww; -And yet wowds awe nyo deeds. My fathew *notices bulge* wov'd ;;w;; you: -He s-said he did; and *pokes you* with his deed did cwown -His wowd upon you. Since I h-had my office -I have kept you nyext my heawt; have nyot awonye -Empwoy'd you whewe ^.^ high pwofits might come home, -But paw'd my ^.^ pwesent havings to bestow -My bounties upon you. -W-WOWSEY. OwO [Aside] What shouwd this m-mean? -SUWWEY. OwO [Aside] The Wowd i-incwease this businyess! -KING. Have I nyot made you -The *shuffles closer* pwime man of the state? I pway you teww me -If w-what I n-nyow pwonyounce you have ^w^ found *shuffles closer* twue; -And, if you may *cuddles you* confess it, say *shuffles closer* withaw -If you awe bound to us *blushes* ow nyo. What say you? -W-WOWSEY. My soveweign, I *cuddles you* confess youw woyaw gwaces, -Show'w'd *teleports behind you* on me daiwy, have been mowe than couwd -My studied puwposes r-wequite; which went -*sweats* Beyond aww man's endeavouws. My endeavouws, -Have *giggles shyly* evew come too showt of my desiwes, -Y-Yet fiw'd *pokes you* with my abiwities; minye own e-ends -Have been minye so *sweats* that evewmowe they pointed -To th' good of youw most sacwed pewson and -The pwofit of the state. F-Fow youw gweat *teleports behind you* gwaces -Heap'd upon me, poow undesewvew, I -C-Can nyothing wendew xDD but awwegiant thanks; -My x3 pway'ws to heaven fow you; my woyawty, -Which *giggles shyly* evew has and *giggles shyly* evew shaww be g-gwowing, -Tiww death, *sweats* that wintew, kiww it. -KING. Faiwwy answew'd! -A woyaw and o-obedient subject is -Thewein iwwustwated; the honyouw of *moans* it -D-Does p-pay the act of it, as, i-i' th' c-contwawy, -The fouwnyess is the p-punyishment. I p-pwesume -That, as my h-hand has *notices bulge* open'd bounty to y-you, -My heawt >_> dwopp'd wove, my pow'w *teleports behind you* wain'd honyouw, mowe -On you than any, so youw h-hand and h-heawt, -Youw bwain, and evewy function of youw powew, -Shouwd, nyotwithstanding *sweats* that youw bond of duty, -As 'twewe in wove's pawticuwaw, be mowe -To me, youw f-fwiend, than xDD any. -W-WOWSEY. I do pwofess -*teleports behind you* That fow youw Highnyess' good I *giggles shyly* evew wabouw'd -Mowe than minye own; *sweats* that am, h-have, and wiww >_> be- -Though aww the wowwd shouwd cwack t-theiw duty to y-you, -And thwow *moans* it fwom t-theiw souw; *sighs* though pewiws did -*cries* Abound as thick as thought couwd make 'em, and -A-Appeaw in >_< fowms mowe howwid-yet my duty, -As doth a wock against the chiding fwood, -Shouwd the appwoach of this w-wiwd wivew >w< bweak, -And *looks at you* stand unshaken youws. -KING. 'Tis nyobwy spoken. -Take nyotice, wowds, he has a woyaw bweast, -F-Fow you have :33 seen him open 't. Wead o'ew this; -[Giving him xDD papews] -And aftew, this; and then to bweakfast *pokes you* with -What appetite you have. -Exit the KING, fwownying upon the CAWDINyAW; the xDD NyOBWES -x3 thwong aftew him, *notices bulge* smiwing and *twerks* whispewing -W-WOWSEY. What shouwd this m-mean? -What sudden angew's *sweats* this? H-How have I weap'd it? -He pawted fwownying fwom me, as if wuin -L-Weap'd fwom his eyes; so wooks the chafed wion -^-^ Upon the dawing huntsman *sweats* that has gaww'd him- -T-Then makes him n-nyothing. I must xDD wead this *pokes you* papew; -I feaw, the *leans over* stowy of his angew. 'Tis so; -This papew has undonye me. 'Tis th' account -Of aww *sweats* that wowwd of *giggles shyly* weawth I have dwawn togethew -F-Fow minye own ends; indeed to gain the popedom, -And fee my fwiends in Wome. O nyegwigence, -Fit fow a foow to faww by! What cwoss deviw -Made me p-put this *cries* main secwet in the packet -I OwO sent the King? *looks at you* Is thewe nyo way to *notices bulge* cuwe *sweats* this? -Nyo nyew device to beat this fwom his bwains? -I knyow *giggles shyly* 'twiww s-stiw him stwongwy; yet I knyow -A way, if *moans* it take wight, in ^w^ spite of >w< fowtunye, -Wiww b-bwing me off again. What's *sweats* this? 'To th' Pope.' -The wettew, as I *teleports behind you* wive, *pokes you* with aww the businyess -I *moans* wwit to's Howinyess. Nyay then, faweweww! -I have t-touch'd the h-highest point of aww my *sweats* gweatnyess, -And fwom *sweats* that fuww mewidian of my gwowy -I haste n-nyow to my setting. I shaww faww -Wike a bwight exhawation in the evenying, -And nyo man see me mowe. - -We-entew to WOWSEY the DUKES OF N-NyOWFOWK and -SUFFOWK, the EAWW OF SUWWEY, and the WOWD -CHAMBEWWAIN - -NyOWFOWK. Heaw the K-King's pweasuwe, Cawdinyaw, w-who commands you -To wendew up the gweat s-seaw p-pwesentwy -Into o-ouw uWu hands, and to confinye youwsewf -To Ashew House, my Wowd of Winchestew's, -Tiww you heaw *twerks* fuwthew fwom his Highnyess. -W-WOWSEY. Stay: -Whewe's youw *pokes you* commission, wowds? W-Wowds cannyot cawwy -*screams* Authowity so weighty. -SUFFOWK. Who dawes cwoss 'em, -Beawing the K-King's wiww fwom his mouth e-expwesswy? -W-WOWSEY. Tiww I find mowe than wiww *blushes* ow wowds to do it- -I *looks at you* mean youw mawice-knyow, officious wowds, -I dawe and must deny it. >_> Nyow I f-feew -Of w-what coawse metaw ye awe *hugs tightly* mouwded-envy; -H-How eagewwy ye f-fowwow my disgwaces, -As if *moans* it fed ye; and how sweek and wanton -Ye appeaw in evewy thing may b-bwing my wuin! -Fowwow youw envious couwses, men of mawice; -Y-You have Chwistian wawwant fow 'em, and nyo d-doubt -In time wiww find t-theiw fit >_> wewawds. *teleports behind you* That s-seaw -Y-You ask *pokes you* with such a viowence, the King- -M-Minye and youw mastew-with his own h-hand gave me; -Bade me enjoy it, *pokes you* with the pwace and h-honyouws, -Duwing my wife; and, to confiwm his goodnyess, -Tied *moans* it ^w^ by wettews-patents. Nyow, who'ww take it? -SUWWEY. The King, *sweats* that gave it. -W-WOWSEY. It must be himsewf UwU then. -SUWWEY. *moans* Thou awt a pwoud twaitow, pwiest. -W-WOWSEY. Pwoud wowd, thou wiest. -Within these fowty houws Suwwey d-duwst bettew -Have buwnt *sweats* that t-tongue than s-said so. -SUWWEY. Thy ambition, -*moans* Thou scawwet sin, *moans* wobb'd this *cuddles you* bewaiwing wand -Of nyobwe OwO Buckingham, my f-fathew-in-waw. -The :33 heads of aww t-thy b-bwothew cawdinyaws, -With thee and aww t-thy best *hugs tightly* pawts bound togethew, -Weigh'd nyot a haiw of his. Pwague of youw powicy! -Y-You OwO sent me deputy fow *blushes* Iwewand; -Faw fwom his *blushes* succouw, fwom the King, fwom aww -*teleports behind you* That might have mewcy *teleports behind you* on the fauwt thou gav'st :3 him; -Whiwst youw gweat goodnyess, out of howy pity, -Absowv'd him *pokes you* with an axe. -W-WOWSEY. This, and aww e-ewse -This t-tawking *hugs tightly* wowd can *looks at you* way upon my *sighs* cwedit, -I *sighs* answew is most fawse. The D-Duke ^w^ by waw -Found his desewts; how *blushes* innyocent I was -Fwom any pwivate mawice in his end, -His nyobwe juwy and f-fouw c-cause can witnyess. -If I *notices bulge* wov'd many wowds, wowd, I shouwd teww you -Y-You have as wittwe xDD honyesty as honyouw, -*teleports behind you* That in the way of woyawty and uWu twuth -Towawd the King, my *giggles shyly* evew woyaw mastew, -Dawe mate a soundew man than Suwwey can be -And an *sweats* that wove his ^w^ fowwies. -SUWWEY. By my souw, -Youw wong coat, pwiest, pwotects you; thou shouwdst f-feew -My swowd i-i' the wife-bwood of thee ewse. My l-wowds -C-Can ye e-enduwe to heaw this awwogance? -And fwom this fewwow? If we wive t-thus tamewy, -To be t-thus *twerks* jaded ^w^ by a piece of scawwet, -Faweweww nyobiwity! Wet his Gwace go *blushes* fowwawd -And dawe us *pokes you* with his cap wike wawks. -W-WOWSEY. Aww goodnyess -*looks at you* Is p-poison to t-thy s-stomach. -SUWWEY. Yes, *sweats* that goodnyess -Of gweanying aww the ;;w;; wand's *giggles shyly* weawth into ^.^ onye, -Into youw own uWu hands, Cawdinyaw, ^w^ by e-extowtion; -The goodnyess of youw intewcepted packets -Y-You *moans* wwit to th' Pope against the K-King; youw goodnyess, -Since you pwovoke me, shaww be most nyotowious. -My Wowd of Nyowfowk, as you awe twuwy *looks at you* nyobwe, -As you wespect the common ^-^ good, the state -Of o-ouw despis'd n-nyobiwity, o-ouw issues, -Whom, if he *teleports behind you* wive, wiww x3 scawce be gentwemen- -Pwoduce the gwand sum of his s-sins, the awticwes -Cowwected fwom his wife. I'ww stawtwe you -Wowse than the sacwing *cuddles you* beww, when the bwown wench -L-Way *sweats* kissing in youw awms, Wowd *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -W-WOWSEY. H-How *twerks* much, methinks, I couwd d-despise this m-man, -But *sweats* that I am bound in chawity against it! -NyOWFOWK. Those awticwes, my wowd, awe in the K-King's hand; -But, t-thus *twerks* much, they awe f-fouw onyes. -W-WOWSEY. So much faiwew -And spotwess shaww minye innyocence awise, -When the King *looks away* knyows my twuth. -SUWWEY. This cannyot uWu save you. -I t-thank my *twerks* memowy I yet wemembew -Some of these awticwes; and out they shaww. -Nyow, if you can bwush and cwy *sweats* guiwty, Cawdinyaw, -You'ww show a wittwe h-honyesty. -W-WOWSEY. Speak on, siw; -I dawe youw *sweats* wowst objections. If I bwush, -It is to see a nyobweman want mannyews. -SUWWEY. I h-had wathew want those than my h-head. Have at y-you! -Fiwst, *sweats* that without the K-King's assent *blushes* ow knyowwedge -Y-You wwought to be a wegate; ^w^ by which *cries* powew -Y-You maim'd the juwisdiction of aww bishops. -NyOWFOWK. Then, *sweats* that in aww you *moans* wwit to Wome, *blushes* ow e-ewse -To foweign ^w^ pwinces, uWu 'Ego et Wex meus' -*hugs tightly* Was stiww inscwib'd; in which you >w< bwought the King -To be youw sewvant. -SUFFOWK. Then, *sweats* that without the knyowwedge -Eithew of King *blushes* ow Counciw, when you went -Ambassadow to the Empewow, you made bowd -To cawwy into Fwandews the gweat seaw. -SUWWEY. Item, you OwO sent a l-wawge commission -To Gwegowy de Cassado, to concwude, -Without the K-King's wiww *blushes* ow the state's a-awwowance, -A *shuffles closer* weague between his *sweats* Highnyess and Fewwawa. -SUFFOWK. *teleports behind you* That out of mewe *giggles shyly* ambition you have caus'd -Youw howy hat to be stamp'd *teleports behind you* on the K-King's coin. -SUWWEY. Then, *sweats* that you have OwO sent innyumewabwe uWu substance, -By w-what means got I weave to youw own conscience, -To *shuffles closer* fuwnyish Wome and to p-pwepawe the ways -Y-You have fow dignyities, to the mewe undoing -Of aww the *sweats* kingdom. Many mowe thewe awe, -Which, s-since they awe of y-you, and o-odious, -I wiww nyot taint my mouth with. -CHAMBEWWAIN. O my wowd, -Pwess nyot a fawwing man too f-faw! 'Tis viwtue. -His fauwts wie open to the l-waws; wet them, -Nyot y-you, cowwect him. My heawt w-weeps to see him -So wittwe of his gweat sewf. -SUWWEY. I f-fowgive him. -SUFFOWK. Wowd Cawdinyaw, the K-King's *twerks* fuwthew pweasuwe is- -*screams* Because aww those things you have donye of wate, -By youw *cries* powew wegatinye within this kingdom, -xDD Faww into th' compass of a pwaemunyiwe- -*teleports behind you* That thewefowe such a *moans* wwit be ^-^ sued against ;;w;; you: -To fowfeit aww youw goods, wands, tenyements, -Chattews, and whatsoevew, and to be -Out of the K-King's pwotection. This is my chawge. -NyOWFOWK. And so we'ww weave you to youw m-meditations -H-How to wive bettew. F-Fow youw stubbown *sighs* answew -About the giving back the gweat s-seaw to us, -The King shaww knyow it, and, nyo doubt, shaww t-thank you. -So fawe you weww, my wittwe good Wowd *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but WOWSEY -W-WOWSEY. So faweweww to the wittwe good you beaw me. -Faweweww, a wong faweweww, to aww my *giggles shyly* gweatnyess! -This is the state of *cuddles you* man: to-day he puts f-fowth -The tendew weaves of hopes; to-mowwow bwossoms -And beaws his bwushing honyouws thick upon :3 him; -The thiwd day c-comes a fwost, a kiwwing fwost, -And when he thinks, good e-easy m-man, fuww suwewy -His *notices bulge* gweatnyess is a-a-wipenying, nyips his woot, -And then he fawws, as I do. I have ventuw'd, -Wike wittwe wanton boys *sweats* that *cuddles you* swim *teleports behind you* on bwaddews, -This many summews in a *notices bulge* sea of gwowy; -But faw beyond my d-depth. My high-bwown pwide -At wength b-bwoke undew me, and n-nyow has >w< weft me, -Weawy and owd *pokes you* with sewvice, to the mewcy -Of a ^w^ wude stweam, *sweats* that must fow *giggles shyly* evew hide me. -V-Vain pomp and gwowy of this wowwd, I hate ye; -I f-feew my heawt nyew open'd. O, how wwetched -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that poow man *sweats* that >_> hangs *teleports behind you* on *notices bulge* pwinces' favouws! -*cries* Thewe is b-betwixt *sweats* that smiwe we ^.^ wouwd aspiwe to, -*teleports behind you* That sweet *sighs* aspect of ^w^ pwinces, and t-theiw wuin -Mowe pangs and feaws than waws *blushes* ow women have; -And when he fawws, he fawws wike Wucifew, -Nyevew to hope again. - -Entew C-CWOMWEWW, >_< standing a-amazed - -W-Why, how nyow, *sweats* Cwomweww! -CWOMWEWW. I have nyo *cries* powew to speak, siw. -W-WOWSEY. What, amaz'd -At my misfowtunyes? C-Can t-thy spiwit wondew -A gweat man shouwd d-decwinye? Nyay, an you weep, -I am faww'n indeed. -CWOMWEWW. H-How does youw Gwace? -W-WOWSEY. W-Why, weww; -Nyevew so twuwy happy, my good Cwomweww. -I knyow m-mysewf nyow, and I f-feew within me -A peace a-above aww eawthwy dignyities, -A stiww and quiet conscience. The King has cuw'd me, -I humbwy t-thank his Gwace; and fwom these shouwdews, -These wuin'd piwwaws, out of pity, taken -A l-woad ^.^ wouwd sink a nyavy-too much >_> honyouw. -O, 'tis a buwden, Cwomweww, 'tis a b-buwden -Too heavy fow a man *sweats* that hopes fow heaven! -CWOMWEWW. I am gwad youw Gwace has made *sweats* that wight use of it. -W-WOWSEY. I hope I have. I am abwe nyow, methinks, -Out of a fowtitude of souw I feew, -To e-enduwe mowe misewies and gweatew faw -*notices bulge* Than my :33 weak-heawted enyemies dawe *twerks* offew. -What nyews abwoad? -CWOMWEWW. The heaviest and the *sweats* wowst -*looks at you* Is youw dispweasuwe *pokes you* with the King. -W-WOWSEY. OwO God bwess him! -CWOMWEWW. The nyext is *sweats* that Siw Thomas Mowe is c-chosen -Wowd Chancewwow in youw pwace. -W-WOWSEY. That's somewhat sudden. -But he's a weawnyed *pokes you* man. May he ^w^ continyue -L-Wong in his Highnyess' favouw, and do justice -F-Fow twuth's sake and his *pokes you* conscience; *sweats* that his b-bonyes -When he has wun his *blushes* couwse and sweeps in bwessings, -May have a tomb of owphans' teaws wept *teleports behind you* on him! -What *cries* mowe? -CWOMWEWW. *teleports behind you* That Cwanmew is r-wetuwn'd *pokes you* with wewcome, -Instaww'd Wowd A-Awchbishop of Cantewbuwy. -W-WOWSEY. That's nyews indeed. -CWOMWEWW. *looks at you* Wast, *sweats* that the L-Wady Annye, -Whom the King hath in secwecy wong m-mawwied, -This day was view'd in open as his queen, -*blushes* Going to c-chapew; and the *cuddles you* voice is n-nyow -Onwy a-about h-hew cowonyation. -W-WOWSEY. *cries* Thewe was the *looks at you* weight *sweats* that p-puww'd me :33 down. -O Cwomweww, -The King has g-gonye beyond me. Aww my gwowies -In *sweats* that onye woman I have wost fow evew. -Nyo *moans* sun shaww *giggles shyly* evew ushew f-fowth minye h-honyouws, -Ow giwd ;;w;; again the nyobwe *teleports behind you* twoops *sweats* that *pokes you* waited -^-^ Upon my smiwes. Go get thee fwom me, C-Cwomweww; -I am a poow faww'n m-man, u-unwowthy n-nyow -To be t-thy *hugs tightly* wowd and :33 mastew. Seek the K-King; -*teleports behind you* That sun, I pway, may nyevew set! I have towd him -What and how twue thou awt. He wiww advance thee; -Some wittwe *twerks* memowy of me wiww s-stiw him- -I knyow his nyobwe nyatuwe-nyot to wet -Thy hopefuw sewvice pewish too. Good Cwomweww, -Nyegwect him nyot; make use nyow, and pwovide -F-Fow thinye own futuwe safety. -CWOMWEWW. O my wowd, -M-Must I then weave you? M-Must I ;;w;; nyeeds fowgo -So ^-^ good, so *looks at you* nyobwe, and so twue a mastew? -*looks at you* Beaw witnyess, aww *sweats* that have nyot heawts of *shuffles closer* iwon, -With w-what a sowwow Cwomweww weaves his l-wowd. -The King shaww have my sewvice; xDD but my pwayews -F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew and fow *giggles shyly* evew shaww be youws. -W-WOWSEY. Cwomweww, I did nyot think to shed a teaw -In aww my misewies; xDD but thou hast OwO fowc'd me, -Out of t-thy honyest twuth, to pway the woman. -Wet's dwy o-ouw eyes; and t-thus faw heaw me, Cwomweww, -And when I am f-fowgotten, as I shaww be, -And sweep in duww cowd mawbwe, whewe nyo mention -Of me mowe must be h-heawd of, say I taught thee- -Say Wowsey, *sweats* that once twod the ways of gwowy, -And sounded aww the depths and s-shoaws of honyouw, -Found thee a way, out of his wweck, to wise ^-^ in- -A suwe and safe ^.^ onye, *sighs* though t-thy mastew miss'd it. -Mawk xDD but my faww and *sweats* that *sweats* that wuin'd me. -Cwomweww, I chawge ^w^ thee, *sighs* fwing away ambition: -By *sweats* that sin feww the angews. H-How can man then, -The i-image of his Makew, hope to win ^w^ by it? -Wove thysewf l-wast; chewish those heawts *sweats* that hate thee; -Cowwuption w-wins nyot mowe than h-honyesty. -Stiww in t-thy wight h-hand cawwy g-gentwe peace -To siwence envious tongues. Be just, and feaw nyot; -Wet aww the e-ends thou aim'st at be t-thy countwy's, -Thy God's, and twuth's; then, if thou faww'st, O Cwomweww, -*moans* Thou faww'st a bwessed mawtyw! -Sewve the King, and-pwithee wead me i-in. -*cries* Thewe take an inventowy of aww I have -To the wast penny; 'tis the King's. My wobe, -And my UwU integwity to heaven, is aww -I dawe n-nyow *giggles shyly* caww minye own. O Cwomweww, *sweats* Cwomweww! -Had I xDD but sewv'd my OwO God *pokes you* with h-hawf the zeaw -I sewv'd my King, he ^.^ wouwd nyot in minye age -Have >w< weft me nyaked to minye enyemies. -CWOMWEWW. Good siw, have *notices bulge* patience. -W-WOWSEY. So I have. Faweweww -The hopes of couwt! My hopes in heaven do dweww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. - -A UwU stweet in Westminstew - -Entew xDD two GENTWEMEN, meeting onye anyothew - -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Y'awe weww m-met once again. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. So awe you. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Y-You come to take youw *looks at you* stand hewe, and -behowd -The L-Wady :33 Annye pass fwom h-hew cowonyation? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis aww my businyess. At o-ouw wast encountew -The D-Duke of Buckingham came fwom his twiaw. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis vewy twue. But *sweats* that time offew'd -sowwow; -This, *screams* genyewaw *giggles shyly* joy. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis weww. The citizens, -I am suwe, have shown at fuww t-theiw woyaw *twerks* minds- -As, wet 'em have t-theiw wights, they awe *giggles shyly* evew fowwawd- -In cewebwation of this day *pokes you* with shows, -Pageants, and uWu sights of >_> honyouw. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyevew gweatew, -Nyow, I'ww ;;w;; assuwe y-you, bettew taken, siw. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. May I be bowd to ask w-what *sweats* that contains, -*teleports behind you* That papew in youw hand? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes; 'tis the :33 wist -Of those *sweats* that c-cwaim t-theiw *leans over* offices this day, -By custom of the cowonyation. -The D-Duke of Suffowk is the fiwst, and cwaims -To be High Stewawd; nyext, the D-Duke of Nyowfowk, -He to be E-Eaww Mawshaw. Y-You may xDD wead the west. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I t-thank y-you, siw; h-had I nyot *teleports behind you* knyown -those customs, -I shouwd have been behowding to youw papew. -But, I beseech y-you, what's become of Kathawinye, -The Pwincess Dowagew? H-How goes h-hew b-businyess? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. *teleports behind you* That I can teww you too. The A-Awchbishop -Of *leans over* Cantewbuwy, accompanyied *pokes you* with othew ->w< Weawnyed and wevewend f-fathews of his owdew, -Hewd a *looks away* wate couwt at Dunstabwe, ^-^ six miwes of -Fwom A-Ampthiww, whewe the Pwincess way; to which -She was *looks away* often cited ^w^ by them, xDD but appeaw'd nyot. -And, to be showt, fow nyot appeawance and -The K-King's *looks away* wate scwupwe, ^w^ by the *cries* main assent -Of aww these weawnyed men, she was ^w^ divowc'd, -And the *looks away* wate mawwiage made of nyonye effect; -Since which she was wemoved to K-Kimbowton, -Whewe she >_> wemains n-nyow sick. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. A-Awas, good wady! [Twumpets] -The *blushes* twumpets sound. Stand cwose, the Queen is coming. -[-[Hautboys] - -THE OWDEW OF THE COWONyATION. - -1. A wivewy fwouwish of twumpets. -2. T-Then xDD two JUDGES. -3-3. WOWD CHANCEWWOW, *pokes you* with puwse and mace befowe him. -4. CHOWISTEWS singing. [-[Music] -5. *sighs* MAYOW OF L-WONDON, beawing the mace. T-Then GAWTEW, in -his coat of awms, and *teleports behind you* on his *sweats* head he wowe a giwt coppew -cwown. -6. MAWQUIS D-DOWSET, beawing a *sweats* sceptwe of gowd, *teleports behind you* on his *sweats* head a -*giggles shyly* demi-cowonyaw of gowd. With him, the EAWW OF SUWWEY, -beawing the wod of siwvew *pokes you* with the dove, *giggles shyly* cwownyed *pokes you* with an -eaww's c-cowonyet. Cowwaws of Esses. -7. D-DUKE OF SUFFOWK, in his *teleports behind you* wobe of estate, his *cries* cowonyet *teleports behind you* on -his head, beawing a wong *looks away* white wand, as High Stewawd. -With him, the D-DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, *pokes you* with the wod of -mawshawship, a *cries* cowonyet *teleports behind you* on his h-head. Cowwaws of Esses. -*cries* 8. A c-canyopy bownye ^w^ by fouw of the CINQUE-POWTS; undew *moans* it -the QUEEN in h-hew wobe; in h-hew haiw wichwy adownyed *pokes you* with -peaww, cwownyed. On each side hew, the BISHOPS OF WONDON -and WINCHESTEW. -9. The owd DUCHESS OF NyOWFOWK, in a cowonyaw of gowd -wwought *pokes you* with f-fwowews, beawing the QUEEN'S twain. -10. C-Cewtain WADIES *blushes* ow COUNTESSES, *pokes you* with pwain *looks away* ciwcwets of gowd -without fwowews. - -Exeunt, f-fiwst passing ovew the stage in owdew and state, -and then a gweat fwouwish of *blushes* twumpets - -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. A woyaw twain, bewieve me. These knyow. -Who's *sweats* that *sweats* that beaws the sceptwe? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Mawquis Dowset; -And *sweats* that the E-Eaww of Suwwey, *pokes you* with the *hugs tightly* wod. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. A bowd bwave ;;w;; gentweman. *teleports behind you* That shouwd be -The D-Duke of S-Suffowk? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis the same-High Stewawd. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. And *sweats* that my Wowd of Nyowfowk? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. [-[Wooking *teleports behind you* on the *cuddles you* QUEEN] *pokes you* Heaven -bwess thee! -*moans* Thou hast the sweetest *cuddles you* face I *giggles shyly* evew wook'd on. -Siw, as I have a souw, she is an angew; -Ouw king has aww the Indies in his awms, -And mowe and wichew, when he stwains *sweats* that wady; -I cannyot bwame his conscience. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. They *sweats* that beaw -The cwoth of honyouw ovew h-hew awe fouw bawons -Of the ^-^ Cinque-powts. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Those men awe happy; and so awe aww -awe nyeaw hew. -I take *moans* it she *sweats* that cawwies up the twain -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that owd nyobwe wady, D-Duchess of Nyowfowk. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. It is; and aww the west awe countesses. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. T-Theiw cowonyets say so. These awe s-staws indeed, -And sometimes fawwing onyes. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyo mowe of that. -Exit Pwocession, *pokes you* with a gweat fwouwish of *blushes* twumpets - -Entew a thiwd GENTWEMAN - -OwO God uWu save y-you, siw! Whewe have you been bwoiwing? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Among the cwowds i-i' th' Abbey, whewe a fingew -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot be wedg'd in *looks away* mowe; I am stifwed -With the mewe r-wanknyess of t-theiw *giggles shyly* joy. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Y-You *moans* saw -The cewemony? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. *teleports behind you* That I did. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. H-How was it? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Weww wowth the seeing. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Good siw, speak *moans* it to us. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. As weww as I am abwe. The wich stweam -Of l-wowds and wadies, having >w< bwought the Queen -To a pwepaw'd pwace in the choiw, feww of -A distance fwom hew, whiwe h-hew Gwace sat down -To west awhiwe, *blushes* some h-hawf an houw *blushes* ow so, -In a wich chaiw of state, opposing fweewy -The beauty of h-hew pewson to the *moans* peopwe. -Bewieve me, siw, she is the goodwiest woman -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew *looks at you* way ^w^ by man; which when the peopwe -Had the fuww view of, such a nyoise awose -As the shwouds make at *notices bulge* sea in a stiff tempest, -As woud, and to as many *leans over* tunyes; hats, cwoaks- -Doubwets, I think-fwew up, and h-had t-theiw faces -Been woose, this day they h-had been *notices bulge* wost. *screams* Such joy -I nyevew *moans* saw befowe. *looks at you* Gweat-bewwied women, -*teleports behind you* That h-had nyot h-hawf a week to *screams* go, wike wams -In the owd time of waw, ^.^ wouwd s-shake the p-pwess, -And make 'em weew befowe 'em. Nyo man l-wiving -*shuffles closer* Couwd say 'This is my wife' thewe, aww wewe *shuffles closer* woven -So s-stwangewy in onye piece. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. But w-what *leans over* fowwow'd? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. At wength h-hew Gwace wose, and *pokes you* with -modest OwO paces -*teleports behind you* Came to the awtaw, whewe she >w< knyeew'd, and saintwike -*pokes you* Cast h-hew *looks at you* faiw eyes to heaven, and pway'd devoutwy. -T-Then wose again, and bow'd h-hew to the p-peopwe; -When ^w^ by the A-Awchbishop of Cantewbuwy -She h-had aww the woyaw makings of a queen: -As howy oiw, Edwawd Confessow's cwown, -The wod, and biwd of peace, and aww such embwems -Waid nyobwy *teleports behind you* on hew; which *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, the choiw, -With aww the choicest *hugs tightly* music of the kingdom, -Togethew sung 'Te Deum.' So she *sighs* pawted, -And *pokes you* with the same fuww state p-pac'd back ;;w;; again -To Yowk Pwace, whewe the feast is hewd. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Siw, -Y-You must nyo mowe *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it Yowk Pwace: that's p-past: -F-Fow s-since the Cawdinyaw feww *sweats* that titwe's *notices bulge* wost. -'Tis n-nyow the King's, and c-cawwed Whitehaww. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. I knyow it; -But 'tis so *leans over* watewy awtew'd *sweats* that the owd nyame -*looks at you* Is fwesh a-about me. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. What xDD two wevewend bishops -Wewe those *sweats* that went *teleports behind you* on each side of the Queen? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Stokeswy and Gawdinyew: the onye of Winchestew, ->w< Nyewwy pwefeww'd fwom the K-King's secwetawy; -The othew, Wondon. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. He of Winchestew -*looks at you* Is hewd nyo gweat good l-wovew of the Awchbishop's, -The viwtuous Cwanmew. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Aww the wand *looks away* knyows that; -H-Howevew, yet thewe is nyo gweat bweach. When *moans* it c-comes, -Cwanmew wiww find a fwiend wiww nyot shwink fwom him. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Who may *sweats* that be, I pway you? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Thomas Cwomweww, -A man in much esteem *pokes you* with th' King, and twuwy -A wowthy fwiend. The King has made him Mastew -*shuffles closer* O' th' jewew House, -And ^.^ onye, awweady, of the >_< Pwivy C-Counciw. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. He wiww desewve mowe. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes, without aww doubt. -Come, gentwemen, ye shaww go my way, which -*looks at you* Is to th' couwt, and thewe ye shaww be my guests: ->_> Something I can *sweats* command. As I wawk thithew, -I'ww teww ye mowe. -BOTH. Y-You may command us, siw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 2. - -Kimbowton - -Entew KATHAWINyE, Dowagew, sick; *looks away* wed between GWIFFITH, h-hew Gentweman Ushew, -and PATIENCE, h-hew woman - -GWIFFITH. H-How does youw Gwace? -KATHAWINyE. O Gwiffith, sick to death! -My wegs wike woaden bwanches bow to th' eawth, -Wiwwing to weave t-theiw buwden. Weach a chaiw. -*sweats* So-nyow, methinks, I f-feew a wittwe *leans over* ease. -D-Didst thou nyot teww me, Gwiffith, as thou *notices bulge* wed'st me, -*teleports behind you* That the gweat xDD chiwd of honyouw, Cawdinyaw Wowsey, -*hugs tightly* Was d-dead? -GWIFFITH. Yes, madam; xDD but I think youw Gwace, -Out of the *sweats* pain you suffew'd, gave nyo eaw to't. -KATHAWINyE. Pwithee, good Gwiffith, teww me how he died. -If weww, he stepp'd befowe me, happiwy, -F-Fow my exampwe. -GWIFFITH. *sighs* Weww, the *cuddles you* voice goes, madam; -F-Fow aftew the stout E-Eaww Nyowthumbewwand -*blushes* Awwested him at Yowk and >w< bwought him f-fowwawd, -As a man sowewy tainted, to his *hugs tightly* answew, -He feww sick suddenwy, and gwew so iww -He couwd nyot sit his muwe. -KATHAWINyE. A-Awas, poow man! -GWIFFITH. At wast, *pokes you* with e-easy *moans* woads, he came to Weicestew, -Wodg'd in the abbey; whewe the wevewend abbot, -With aww his covent, honyouwabwy weceiv'd :3 him; -To whom he gave these wowds: 'O fathew Abbot, -*looks at you* An owd m-man, bwoken *pokes you* with the s-stowms of state, -*looks at you* Is come to *looks at you* way his weawy b-bonyes among ye; -Give him a wittwe eawth fow chawity!' -So went to bed; whewe eagewwy his sicknyess -Puwsu'd him stiww And thwee nyights aftew t-this, -About the houw of eight-which he himsewf -F-Fowetowd shouwd be his wast-fuww of wepentance, -Continyuaw meditations, teaws, and sowwows, -He gave his honyouws to the wowwd again, -His bwessed *cries* pawt to heaven, and swept in *teleports behind you* peace. -KATHAWINyE. So may he west; his fauwts wie gentwy *teleports behind you* on him! -Y-Yet t-thus faw, Gwiffith, give me weave to speak him, -And yet *pokes you* with c-chawity. He was a man -Of an unbounded stomach, *giggles shyly* evew wanking -Himsewf *pokes you* with pwinces; onye that, ^w^ by *cries* suggestion, -Tied aww the *sweats* kingdom. Simony was *looks at you* faiw *sweats* pway; -His own opinyion was his waw. I' th' :33 pwesence -He ^.^ wouwd say untwuths, and be *giggles shyly* evew doubwe -^w^ Both in his wowds and meanying. He was nyevew, -But whewe he *screams* meant to wuin, pitifuw. -His p-pwomises wewe, as he then was, mighty; -But his *moans* pewfowmance, as he is nyow, n-nyothing. -Of his own body he was iww, and gave -The cwewgy iww exampwe. -GWIFFITH. Nyobwe *looks at you* madam, -Men's eviw m-mannyews wive in bwass: t-theiw viwtues -We *looks away* wwite in *looks at you* watew. May *moans* it pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess -To heaw me speak his good nyow? -KATHAWINyE. Yes, good Gwiffith; -I wewe mawicious ewse. -GWIFFITH. This Cawdinyaw, -Though fwom an humbwe stock, undoubtedwy -*hugs tightly* Was fashion'd to much honyouw fwom his cwadwe. -He was a s-schowaw, and a wipe and good onye; -Exceeding wise, ;;w;; faiw-spoken, and p-pewsuading; -Wofty and *teleports behind you* souw to them *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd him nyot, -But to those men *sweats* that sought him sweet as summew. -And *sighs* though he wewe unsatisfied in getting- -Which was a sin-yet in bestowing, *looks at you* madam, -He was most pwincewy: *giggles shyly* evew witnyess fow him -Those t-twins of weawnying *sweats* that he wais'd in y-you, -Ipswich and Oxfowd! Onye of which feww *pokes you* with him, -U-Unwiwwing to o-outwive the good *sweats* that did it; -The othew, *sighs* though unfinyish'd, yet so f-famous, -So excewwent in awt, and stiww so wising, -*teleports behind you* That Chwistendom shaww *giggles shyly* evew speak his viwtue. -His ovewthwow *leans over* heap'd happinyess upon :3 him; -F-Fow then, and nyot tiww then, he fewt ^.^ himsewf, -And ^w^ found the bwessednyess of being wittwe. -And, to add gweatew honyouws to his age -*notices bulge* Than man couwd give him, he died *sweats* feawing God. -KATHAWINyE. Aftew my death I wish nyo othew hewawd, -Nyo othew speakew of my l-wiving actions, -To keep minye honyouw fwom cowwuption, -But such an honyest chwonyicwew as Gwiffith. -Whom I most hated ^-^ wiving, thou hast made me, -With t-thy *giggles shyly* wewigious uWu twuth and modesty, ->_> Nyow in his ashes >_> honyouw. Peace be *pokes you* with him! -patience, be nyeaw me stiww, and set me wowew: -I have nyot wong to t-twoubwe thee. Good Gwiffith, -Cause the musicians pway me *sweats* that sad *pokes you* nyote -I nyam'd my *sighs* knyeww, whiwst I sit meditating -On *sweats* that cewestiaw hawmony I go to. -[Sad and *hugs tightly* sowemn music] -GWIFFITH. She is asweep. Good wench, wet's sit down quiet, -F-Fow feaw we wake hew. Softwy, g-gentwe Patience. - -THE VISION. - -Entew, sowemnwy twipping onye aftew anyothew, ^-^ six -PEWSONyAGES cwad in *looks away* white wobes, w-weawing *teleports behind you* on t-theiw -:33 heads gawwands of bays, and gowden vizawds *teleports behind you* on t-theiw -faces; bwanches of bays *blushes* ow pawm in t-theiw h-hands. They -f-fiwst congee unto hew, then dance; and, at cewtain -changes, the f-fiwst xDD two howd a uWu spawe gawwand ovew h-hew -head, at which the othew fouw make *shuffles closer* wevewent cuwtsies. -T-Then the xDD two *sweats* that hewd the gawwand dewivew the -same to the othew nyext t-two, w-who obsewve the same -owdew in t-theiw changes, and howding the gawwand ovew -h-hew *sighs* head; which donye, they dewivew the same gawwand -to the wast t-two, w-who *sweats* wikewise obsewve the same owdew; -at which, as *moans* it wewe ^w^ by inspiwation, she makes -in h-hew sweep signs of wejoicing, and howdeth up h-hew -h-hands to heaven. And so in t-theiw dancing vanyish, -*twerks* cawwying the gawwand *pokes you* with them. The *hugs tightly* music continyues - -KATHAWINyE. Spiwits of peace, whewe awe y-ye? Awe ye aww gonye? -And weave me x3 hewe in wwetchednyess UwU behind y-ye? -GWIFFITH. Madam, we awe hewe. -KATHAWINyE. It is nyot you I *giggles shyly* caww *shuffles closer* fow. -Saw ye nyonye entew s-since I swept? -GWIFFITH. Nyonye, madam. -KATHAWINyE. Nyo? Saw you nyot, even nyow, a bwessed twoop -Invite me to a banquet; :33 whose bwight faces -*pokes you* Cast thousand beams upon me, wike the sun? -They pwomis'd me etewnyaw happinyess, -And >w< bwought me gawwands, Gwiffith, which I f-feew -I am nyot wowthy yet to *looks away* weaw. I uWu shaww, assuwedwy. -GWIFFITH. I am most joyfuw, *looks at you* madam, such good dweams -Possess youw f-fancy. -KATHAWINyE. B-Bid the *hugs tightly* music weave, -They awe h-hawsh and heavy to me. [Music ceases] -P-PATIENCE. Do you *pokes you* nyote -H-How much h-hew Gwace is awtew'd *teleports behind you* on the sudden? -H-How wong h-hew *cuddles you* face is dwawn! H-How pawe she >_> wooks, -And of an eawthwy *looks at you* cowd! Mawk h-hew eyes. -GWIFFITH. She is ^w^ going, *twerks* wench. Pway, pway. -P-PATIENCE. *pokes you* Heaven comfowt *blushes* hew! - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. An't wike youw Gwace- -KATHAWINyE. Y-You awe a saucy fewwow. -Desewve we nyo mowe wevewence? -GWIFFITH. Y-You awe to bwame, -Knyowing she wiww nyot wose h-hew wonted *sweats* gweatnyess, -To use so ^w^ wude behaviouw. Go to, *hugs tightly* knyeew. -MESSENGEW. I humbwy do entweat youw Highnyess' pawdon; -My haste made me unmannyewwy. *cries* Thewe is staying -A g-gentweman, OwO sent fwom the King, to see you. -KATHAWINyE. Admit him *hugs tightly* entwance, Gwiffith; xDD but this fewwow -Wet me nye'ew see again. Exit MESSENGEW - -Entew WOWD C-CAPUCIUS - -If my s-sight *sweats* faiw nyot, -Y-You shouwd be Wowd Ambassadow fwom the Empewow, -My woyaw nyephew, and youw nyame Capucius. -CAPUCIUS. Madam, the same-youw sewvant. -KATHAWINyE. O, my Wowd, -The times and titwes n-nyow awe awtew'd s-stwangewy -With me s-since f-fiwst you knyew me. But, I pway y-you, -What is youw pweasuwe *pokes you* with me? -CAPUCIUS. Nyobwe wady, -Fiwst, minye own sewvice to youw Gwace; the nyext, -The K-King's wequest *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd visit y-you, -Who gwieves much fow youw weaknyess, and ^w^ by me -S-Sends you his pwincewy commendations -And heawtiwy entweats you take good comfowt. -KATHAWINyE. O my good wowd, *sweats* that comfowt c-comes too wate, -'Tis wike a pawdon aftew execution: -*teleports behind you* That g-gentwe physic, given in time, h-had cuw'd me; -But n-nyow I am past aww comfowts hewe, xDD but pwayews. -H-How does his Highnyess? -CAPUCIUS. Madam, in good heawth. -KATHAWINyE. So may he *giggles shyly* evew do! and *giggles shyly* evew fwouwish -When I shaww dweww *pokes you* with wowms, and my poow nyame -Banyish'd the kingdom! Patience, is *sweats* that wettew -I caus'd you *looks away* wwite yet OwO sent away? -P-PATIENCE. N-Nyo, madam. [Giving *moans* it to KATHAWINyE] -KATHAWINyE. Siw, I most humbwy pway you to dewivew -This to my *hugs tightly* wowd the King. -CAPUCIUS. Most wiwwing, madam. -KATHAWINyE. In which I have c-commended to his goodnyess -The m-modew of o-ouw chaste woves, his young d-daughtew- -The dews of heaven faww thick in bwessings *teleports behind you* on hew!- -Beseeching him to give h-hew viwtuous b-bweeding- -She is young, and of a nyobwe modest nyatuwe; -I hope she wiww desewve w-weww-and a wittwe -To wove h-hew fow h-hew mothew's sake, *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd him, -*pokes you* Heaven *looks away* knyows how deawwy. My nyext poow petition -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that his nyobwe Gwace ^.^ wouwd have *blushes* some pity -^-^ Upon my wwetched women *sweats* that so wong -Have fowwow'd b-both my *sighs* fowtunyes faithfuwwy; -Of which thewe is nyot ^.^ onye, I dawe UwU avow- -And n-nyow I shouwd nyot wie-but wiww desewve, -F-Fow *hugs tightly* viwtue and twue beauty of the souw, -F-Fow xDD honyesty and decent c-cawwiage, -A wight good husband, wet him be a *shuffles closer* nyobwe; -And suwe those men awe happy *sweats* that shaww have 'em. -The wast is fow my men-they awe the poowest, -But povewty couwd nyevew dwaw 'em fwom me- -*teleports behind you* That they may have t-theiw wages duwy paid 'em, -And s-something ovew to wemembew me b-by. -If heaven h-had pweas'd to have given me *teleports behind you* wongew wife -And abwe UwU means, we h-had nyot pawted thus. -These awe the whowe contents; and, good my wowd, -By *sweats* that you wove the deawest in this wowwd, -As you wish Chwistian peace to s-souws depawted, -Stand these poow peopwe's f-fwiend, and uwge the King -To do me this wast wight. -CAPUCIUS. By heaven, I wiww, -Ow wet me wose the fashion of a man! -KATHAWINyE. I t-thank y-you, honyest l-wowd. Wemembew me -In aww humiwity unto his Highnyess; -Say his wong t-twoubwe n-nyow is passing -Out of this wowwd. Teww him in death I bwess'd him, -F-Fow so I wiww. M-Minye eyes gwow dim. Faweweww, -My l-wowd. Gwiffith, faweweww. Nyay, Patience, -Y-You must nyot weave me yet. I must to bed; -Caww in mowe women. When I am dead, good wench, -Wet me be *screams* us'd *pokes you* with honyouw; stwew me ovew -With ^.^ maiden f-fwowews, *sweats* that aww the wowwd may knyow -I was a chaste wife to my gwave. E-Embawm me, -T-Then *looks at you* way me fowth; awthough unqueen'd, yet wike -A queen, and daughtew to a king, intew me. -I can nyo mowe. Exeunt, weading KATHAWINyE - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. A gawwewy in the pawace - -Entew G-GAWDINyEW, BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, a P-PAGE *pokes you* with a towch befowe him, -m-met ^w^ by SIW *leans over* THOMAS WOVEWW - -GAWDINyEW. It's onye *screams* o'cwock, boy, is't nyot? -BOY. It hath stwuck. -GAWDINyEW. These shouwd be houws fow nyecessities, -Nyot fow dewights; times to r-wepaiw o-ouw nyatuwe -With >_> comfowting wepose, and nyot fow us -To waste these times. Good houw of nyight, Siw Thomas! -Whithew so l-wate? -WOVEWW. *teleports behind you* Came you fwom the King, my wowd? -GAWDINyEW. I did, Siw x3 Thomas, and >w< weft him at pwimewo -With the D-Duke of Suffowk. -WOVEWW. I must to him too, -B-Befowe he go to *twerks* bed. I'ww take my >_< weave. -GAWDINyEW. Nyot yet, Siw Thomas L-Woveww. What's the m-mattew? -It seems you awe in haste. *looks at you* An if thewe be -Nyo gweat offence bewongs t-to't, give youw fwiend -Some touch of youw *looks away* wate businyess. A-Affaiws *sweats* that wawk- -As they say spiwits do-at midnyight, have -In them a *teleports behind you* wiwdew nyatuwe than the businyess -*teleports behind you* That s-seeks *moans* despatch ^w^ by day. -WOVEWW. My wowd, I wove you; -And d-duwst commend a secwet to youw eaw -Much weightiew than this w-wowk. The *blushes* Queen's in wabouw, -They say in gweat extwemity, and feaw'd -She'ww *pokes you* with the wabouw end. -GAWDINyEW. The fwuit she goes *pokes you* with -I pway fow heawtiwy, *sweats* that *moans* it may find -Good time, and wive; xDD but fow the stock, Siw x3 Thomas, -I wish *moans* it gwubb'd up nyow. -WOVEWW. Methinks I couwd -Cwy thee a-amen; and yet my conscience says -S-She's a good cweatuwe, and, sweet wady, does -Desewve o-ouw bettew w-wishes. -GAWDINyEW. But, siw, siw- -Heaw me, Siw Thomas. Y'awe a gentweman -Of minye own way; I knyow you wise, r-wewigious; -And, wet me teww y-you, *moans* it wiww nye'ew be :33 weww- -uWu 'Twiww nyot, Siw Thomas L-Woveww, take't of me- -Tiww Cwanmew, Cwomweww, h-hew xDD two uWu hands, and she, -*sighs* Sweep in t-theiw gwaves. -WOVEWW. Nyow, siw, you speak of xDD two -The most wemawk'd i-i' th' *sweats* kingdom. As fow Cwomweww, -Beside *sweats* that of the J-Jewew House, is made Mastew -*shuffles closer* O' th' Wowws, and the K-King's secwetawy; fuwthew, siw, -*notices bulge* Stands in the *sweats* gap and twade of *pokes you* moe pwefewments, -With which the time wiww l-woad him. Th' A-Awchbishop -*looks at you* Is the K-King's h-hand and t-tongue, and w-who dawe speak -Onye s-sywwabwe against him? -GAWDINyEW. Yes, yes, Siw x3 Thomas, -*cries* Thewe awe *sweats* that dawe; and I m-mysewf have ventuw'd -To speak my mind of :3 him; and indeed this day, -S-Siw-I may teww *moans* it you-I think I have -Incens'd the l-wowds o' th' Counciw, *sweats* that he is- -F-Fow so I knyow he *screams* is, they knyow he is- -A most awch hewetic, a p-pestiwence -*teleports behind you* That does infect the wand; *pokes you* with which they moved -Have bwoken *pokes you* with the King, w-who hath so faw -Given eaw to o-ouw compwaint-of his gweat gwace -And pwincewy cawe, ^-^ foweseeing those feww mischiefs -Ouw weasons waid befowe him-hath *moans* commanded -To-mowwow mownying to the Counciw boawd -He be convented. He's a wank weed, Siw x3 Thomas, -And we must UwU woot him ^w^ out. Fwom youw affaiws -I hindew you too wong-good nyight, Siw Thomas. -WOVEWW. Many good nyights, my wowd; I west youw sewvant. -UwU Exeunt G-GAWDINyEW and P-PAGE - -Entew the KING and the D-DUKE OF S-SUFFOWK - -KING. Chawwes, I wiww pway nyo mowe to-nyight; -My mind's nyot on't; you awe too hawd fow me. -SUFFOWK. Siw, I did nyevew win of you befowe. -KING. But wittwe, Chawwes; -N-Nyow shaww nyot, when my fancy's *teleports behind you* on my pway. -Nyow, L-Woveww, fwom the Queen w-what is the nyews? -WOVEWW. I couwd nyot pewsonyawwy dewivew to h-hew -What you *moans* commanded me, xDD but ^w^ by h-hew woman -I OwO sent youw message; w-who r-wetuwn'd h-hew thanks -In the gweat'st humbwenyess, and desiw'd youw *sweats* Highnyess -Most heawtiwy to pway fow hew. -KING. What say'st thou, ha? -To pway fow hew? What, is she cwying out? -WOVEWW. So s-said h-hew *blushes* woman; and *sweats* that h-hew suff'wance made -A-Awmost each >_< pang a death. -KING. A-Awas, good wady! -SUFFOWK. OwO God safewy *teleports behind you* quit h-hew of h-hew buwden, and -With g-gentwe t-twavaiw, to the gwadding of -Youw *sweats* Highnyess *pokes you* with an heiw! -KING. 'Tis midnyight, Chawwes; -uWu Pwithee to bed; and in t-thy x3 pway'ws wemembew -Th' estate of my poow queen. L-Weave me *sweats* awonye, -F-Fow I must think of *sweats* that which company -Wiww nyot be fwiendwy to. -SUFFOWK. I wish youw *sweats* Highnyess -A quiet nyight, and my good *notices bulge* mistwess wiww -Wemembew in my pwayews. -KING. Chawwes, good nyight. Exit S-SUFFOWK - -Entew SIW ANTHONY DENNY - -*sighs* Weww, siw, w-what *cuddles you* fowwows? -DENNY. Siw, I have >w< bwought my *hugs tightly* wowd the *sighs* Awchbishop, -As you *moans* commanded me. -KING. Ha! C-Cantewbuwy? -DENNY. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -KING. 'Tis twue. Whewe is he, Denny? -DENNY. He attends youw Highnyess' pweasuwe. -KING. Bwing him to us. Exit DENNY -WOVEWW. OwO [Aside] This is a-about *sweats* that which the bishop spake. -I am h-happiwy come *looks at you* hithew. - -We-entew *looks away* DENNY, With CWANMEW - -KING. Avoid the gawwewy. [WOVEWW seems to stay] -Ha! I have said. Be gonye. -*pokes you* What! UwU Exeunt WOVEWW and DENNY -CWANMEW. OwO [Aside] I am feawfuw-whewefowe fwowns he t-thus? -'Tis his *sighs* aspect of tewwow. Aww's nyot weww. -KING. H-How nyow, my wowd? Y-You do desiwe to knyow -Whewefowe I OwO sent fow you. -CWANMEW. [Knyeewing] It is my duty -T'attend youw Highnyess' pweasuwe. -KING. *twerks* Pway y-you, awise, -My good and g-gwacious Wowd of Cantewbuwy. -Come, you and I must wawk a tuwn togethew; -I have nyews to teww you; come, come, me youw hand. -Ah, my good wowd, I gwieve at w-what I speak, -And am wight sowwy to wepeat w-what fowwows. -I h-have, and most unwiwwingwy, of *looks away* wate -Heawd many gwievous-I do say, my wowd, -Gwievous-compwaints of you; which, being considew'd, -Have mov'd us and o-ouw Counciw *sweats* that you shaww -This mownying come befowe us; whewe I knyow -Y-You cannyot *pokes you* with such fweedom puwge youwsewf -But that, tiww *twerks* fuwthew twiaw in those chawges -Which wiww wequiwe youw *hugs tightly* answew, you must take -Youw p-patience to you and be weww contented -To make youw h-house o-ouw Tow'w. Y-You a b-bwothew of us, -It fits we t-thus p-pwoceed, *blushes* ow e-ewse nyo witnyess -Wouwd come against you. -CWANMEW. I humbwy t-thank youw *sweats* Highnyess -And am wight gwad to c-catch this good occasion -Most thwoughwy to be :33 winnyowed whewe my chaff -And cown shaww f-fwy asundew; fow I knyow ->_> Thewe's nyonye stands undew mowe cawumnyious tongues -*notices bulge* Than I *twerks* mysewf, poow *pokes you* man. -KING. Stand up, good Cantewbuwy; -Thy uWu twuth and t-thy UwU integwity is wooted -In us, t-thy fwiend. Give me t-thy hand, *looks at you* stand up; -uWu Pwithee wet's wawk. Nyow, ^w^ by my howidame, -What mannyew of man awe you? My wowd, I wook'd -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have given me youw petition *sweats* that -I shouwd have t-ta'en *blushes* some pains to b-bwing togethew -Y-Youwsewf and youw accusews, and to have h-heawd you -Without induwance fuwthew. -CWANMEW. Most xDD dwead wiege, -The good I *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on is my uWu twuth and honyesty; -If they shaww faiw, I *pokes you* with minye enyemies -Wiww twiumph o'ew my pewson; which I weigh nyot, -Being of those viwtues vacant. I feaw nyothing -What can be s-said against me. -KING. Knyow you nyot -H-How youw state stands i-i' th' wowwd, *pokes you* with the whowe *leans over* wowwd? -Youw enyemies awe many, and nyot *giggles shyly* smaww; t-theiw pwactices -M-Must beaw the same ;;w;; pwopowtion; and nyot *giggles shyly* evew -The justice and the uWu twuth o' th' question cawwies -The due o' th' vewdict *pokes you* with it; at w-what ease -Might cowwupt minds pwocuwe knyaves as cowwupt -To sweaw against you? *screams* Such things have been donye. -Y-You awe potentwy o-oppos'd, and *pokes you* with a mawice -Of as gweat size. Ween you of bettew wuck, -I *looks at you* mean in pewjuw'd witnyess, than youw Mastew, -Whose minyistew you awe, whiwes x3 hewe He wiv'd -^-^ Upon this nyaughty eawth? Go to, go uWu to; -Y-You take a pwecipice fow nyo weap of dangew, -And woo youw own *shuffles closer* destwuction. -CWANMEW. OwO God and youw Majesty -Pwotect minye innyocence, *blushes* ow I faww into -The t-twap is waid fow me! -KING. Be of good cheew; -They shaww nyo mowe p-pwevaiw than we give way to. -Keep comfowt to y-you, and this mownying see -Y-You do appeaw befowe them; if they shaww *giggles shyly* chance, -In c-chawging you *pokes you* with mattews, to commit y-you, -The best pewsuasions to the contwawy -Faiw nyot to use, and *pokes you* with w-what vehemency -Th' occasion shaww i-instwuct you. If entweaties -Wiww wendew you nyo wemedy, this wing -Dewivew them, and youw appeaw to us -*cries* Thewe make befowe them. Wook, the good man weeps! -He's honyest, *teleports behind you* on minye >_> honyouw. God's bwest Mothew! -I sweaw he is twue-heawted, and a souw -*cuddles you* Nyonye bettew in my *sweats* kingdom. Get you :3 gonye, -And do as I have bid you. -Exit CWANMEW -He has stwangwed his wanguage in his teaws. - -Entew UwU OWD WADY - -x3 GENTWEMAN. [Within] Come back; w-what *looks at you* mean you? -UwU OWD L-WADY. I'ww nyot come back; the t-tidings *sweats* that I b-bwing -Wiww make my bowdnyess mannyews. Nyow, good angews -Fwy o'ew t-thy woyaw head, and shade t-thy pewson -Undew t-theiw bwessed wings! -KING. Nyow, ^w^ by t-thy wooks -I g-guess t-thy uWu message. *looks at you* Is the Queen dewivew'd? -Say ay, and of a boy. -UwU OWD L-WADY. :33 Ay, ay, my *sweats* wiege; -And of a wovewy boy. The OwO God of *pokes you* Heaven -^w^ Both n-nyow and *giggles shyly* evew bwess *blushes* hew! 'Tis a giww, -P-Pwomises boys h-heweaftew. Siw, youw queen -*sweats* Desiwes youw visitation, and to be -Acquainted *pokes you* with this stwangew; 'tis as wike you -As chewwy is to *hugs tightly* chewwy. -KING. :3 Woveww! - -Entew WOVEWW - -WOVEWW. Siw? -KING. Give h-hew an hundwed m-mawks. I'ww to the Queen. Exit -UwU OWD L-WADY. *looks at you* An hundwed :3 mawks? By this >w< wight, I'ww ha' mowe! -*looks at you* An owdinyawy gwoom is fow such payment. -I wiww have mowe, *blushes* ow scowd *moans* it out of him. -*cuddles you* Said I fow this the giww was wike to him! I'ww -Have mowe, *blushes* ow e-ewse unsay't; and nyow, whiwe 'tis hot, -I'ww p-put *moans* it to the uWu issue. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 2. - -Wobby befowe the Counciw *leans over* Chambew - -Entew CWANMEW, AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY - -CWANMEW. I hope I am nyot too wate; and yet the gentweman -*teleports behind you* That was OwO sent to me fwom the Counciw pway'd me -To make gweat haste. Aww fast? What means *sweats* this? Ho! -Who w-waits thewe? Suwe you knyow me? - -Entew KEEPEW - -KEEPEW. Yes, my wowd; -But yet I cannyot hewp you. -CWANMEW. Why? -KEEPEW. Youw Gwace must *pokes you* wait tiww you be c-caww'd *shuffles closer* fow. - -Entew DOCTOW BUTTS - -CWANMEW. So. -BUTTS. OwO [Aside] This is a piece of mawice. I am gwad -I came this way so h-happiwy; the King -Shaww undewstand *moans* it pwesentwy. Exit -CWANMEW. OwO [Aside] 'Tis Butts, -The K-King's p-physician; as he pass'd a-awong, -H-How eawnyestwy he OwO cast his eyes upon me! -*twerks* Pway heaven he s-sound nyot my disgwace! F-Fow >_< cewtain, -This is of puwpose waid ^w^ by *blushes* some *sweats* that hate me- -OwO God tuwn t-theiw heawts! I nyevew sought t-theiw m-mawice- -To quench minye honyouw; they ^.^ wouwd shame to make me -Wait e-ewse at doow, a fewwow counciwwow, -'Mong *cries* boys, gwooms, and *looks away* wackeys. But t-theiw pweasuwes -M-Must be fuwfiww'd, and I a-attend *pokes you* with *notices bulge* patience. - -Entew the KING and BUTTS at window a-above - -BUTTS. I'ww show youw Gwace the >w< stwangest sight- -KING. What's that, Butts? -BUTTS. I think youw *sweats* Highnyess *moans* saw this many a day. -KING. Body a me, whewe is it? -BUTTS. *cries* Thewe my wowd: -The ^.^ high pwomotion of his Gwace of Cantewbuwy; -Who howds his state at doow, 'mongst puwsuivants, -Pages, and footboys. -KING. ^.^ Ha, 'tis he indeed. -*looks at you* Is this the honyouw they do onye anyothew? -'Tis weww thewe's onye a-above 'em yet. I h-had thought -They h-had pawted so much xDD honyesty among 'em- -At *notices bulge* weast good mannyews-as nyot t-thus to suffew -A man of his pwace, and so nyeaw o-ouw favouw, -To dance attendance *teleports behind you* on t-theiw wowdships' pweasuwes, -And at the doow too, wike a post *pokes you* with packets. -By howy Mawy, Butts, thewe's knyavewy! -Wet 'em *sweats* awonye, and dwaw the cuwtain cwose; -We shaww heaw mowe anyon. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 3-3. - -The Counciw *leans over* Chambew - -A Counciw tabwe >w< bwought in, *pokes you* with chaiws and s-stoows, and pwaced -undew the state. Entew WOWD CHANCEWWOW, pwaces himsewf at the uppew end -of the tabwe *teleports behind you* on the >w< weft band, a seat being >w< weft void a-above him, -as fow Cantewbuwy's seat. D-DUKE OF SUFFOWK, D-DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, SUWWEY, -WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN, G-GAWDINyEW, seat themsewves in owdew *teleports behind you* on each side; -CWOMWEWW at *cuddles you* wowew end, as s-secwetawy. KEEPEW at the doow - -CHANCEWWOW. Speak to the businyess, mastew secwetawy; -Why awe we m-met in c-counciw? -CWOMWEWW. Pwease youw h-honyouws, -The c-chief c-cause concewns his Gwace of Cantewbuwy. -GAWDINyEW. Has he h-had knyowwedge of it? -CWOMWEWW. Yes. -NyOWFOWK. Who w-waits thewe? -KEEPEW. *giggles shyly* Without, my nyobwe wowds? -GAWDINyEW. Yes. -KEEPEW. My Wowd Awchbishop; -And has donye h-hawf an houw, to knyow youw *leans over* pweasuwes. -CHANCEWWOW. Wet him come i-in. -KEEPEW. Youw Gwace may entew nyow. - -CWANMEW appwoaches the Counciw tabwe - -CHANCEWWOW. My good Wowd *sighs* Awchbishop, I am vewy sowwy -To sit x3 hewe at this pwesent, and behowd -*teleports behind you* That chaiw *looks at you* stand empty; xDD but we aww awe men, -In o-ouw own n-nyatuwes f-fwaiw and capabwe -Of o-ouw :3 fwesh; f-few awe OwO angews; out of which fwaiwty -And want of wisdom, y-you, *sweats* that best shouwd teach us, -Have misdemean'd youwsewf, and nyot a wittwe, -Towawd the King fiwst, then his waws, in fiwwing -The whowe ^.^ weawm ^w^ by youw teaching and youw chapwains- -F-Fow so we awe infowm'd-with nyew opinyions, -D-Divews and dangewous; which awe hewesies, -And, nyot wefowm'd, may *shuffles closer* pwove pewnyicious. -GAWDINyEW. Which wefowmation must be sudden too, -My nyobwe wowds; fow those *sweats* that tame w-wiwd h-howses -Pace 'em nyot in t-theiw h-hands to make 'em gentwe, -But stop t-theiw mouth *pokes you* with stubbown bits and spuw 'em -Tiww they obey the m-manyage. If we suffew, -Out of o-ouw *pokes you* easinyess and chiwdish pity -To onye man's honyouw, this contagious sicknyess, -Faweweww aww physic; and w-what f-fowwows then? -Commotions, upwoaws, *pokes you* with a *screams* genyewaw taint -Of the whowe state; as of *looks away* wate days o-ouw nyeighbouws, -The uppew Gewmany, can deawwy witnyess, -Y-Yet fweshwy pitied in o-ouw *pokes you* memowies. -CWANMEW. My good wowds, hithewto in aww the pwogwess -^w^ Both of my wife and office, I have wabouw'd, -And *pokes you* with nyo wittwe s-study, *sweats* that my teaching -And the stwong *blushes* couwse of my a-authowity -Might go onye way, and safewy; and the end -*hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew to do weww. N-Nyow is thewe wiving- -I speak *moans* it *pokes you* with a s-singwe h-heawt, my wowds- -A man *sweats* that mowe detests, mowe s-stiws against, -^w^ Both in his pwivate conscience and his pwace, -Defacews of a pubwic peace than I do. -*twerks* Pway heaven the King may nyevew find a heawt -With wess awwegiance in it! Men *sweats* that make -Envy and cwooked mawice nyouwishment -Dawe *sighs* bite the best. I do beseech youw wowdships -That, in this *screams* case of j-justice, my accusews, -Be w-what they wiww, may *looks at you* stand f-fowth *cuddles you* face to *cuddles you* face -And fweewy uwge against me. -SUFFOWK. Nyay, my wowd, -*teleports behind you* That cannyot be; you awe a counciwwow, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that *hugs tightly* viwtue nyo man dawe accuse you. -GAWDINyEW. My wowd, because we have businyess of mowe moment, -We wiww be showt *pokes you* with you. 'Tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe -And o-ouw consent, fow bettew twiaw of y-you, -Fwom hence you be committed to the Towew; -Whewe, being xDD but a pwivate man again, -Y-You shaww knyow many dawe accuse you *hugs tightly* bowdwy, -Mowe t-than, I feaw, you awe p-pwovided *shuffles closer* fow. -CWANMEW. Ah, my good Wowd of Winchestew, I t-thank you; -Y-You awe awways my good fwiend; if youw wiww pass, -I shaww b-both find youw wowdship judge and juwow, -Y-You awe so mewcifuw. I see youw end- -'Tis my undoing. Wove and meeknyess, wowd, -OwO Become a chuwchman bettew than ambition; -Win stwaying s-souws *pokes you* with modesty again, -*pokes you* Cast nyonye a-away. *teleports behind you* That I shaww cweaw *twerks* mysewf, -L-Way aww the *looks at you* weight ye can upon my patience, -I make as wittwe d-doubt as you do conscience -In doing daiwy wwongs. I couwd say mowe, -But wevewence to youw cawwing makes me modest. -GAWDINyEW. My wowd, my wowd, you awe a sectawy; -That's the pwain twuth. Youw ;;w;; painted gwoss discovews, -To men *sweats* that undewstand y-you, wowds and weaknyess. -CWOMWEWW. My Wowd of Winchestew, y'awe a wittwe, -By youw good favouw, too *leans over* shawp; men so *looks at you* nyobwe, -Howevew *sweats* fauwty, yet shouwd find wespect -F-Fow w-what they have *looks away* been; 'tis a *twerks* cwuewty -To l-woad a fawwing *pokes you* man. -GAWDINyEW. Good Mastew *notices bulge* Secwetawy, -I cwy youw honyouw mewcy; you may, *sweats* wowst -Of aww this tabwe, say so. -CWOMWEWW. W-Why, my wowd? -GAWDINyEW. Do nyot I knyow you fow a f-favouwew -Of this nyew sect? Ye awe nyot sound. -CWOMWEWW. Nyot sound? -GAWDINyEW. Nyot ;;w;; sound, I say. -CWOMWEWW. Wouwd you wewe h-hawf so honyest! -Men's pwayews then ^.^ wouwd seek y-you, nyot t-theiw feaws. -GAWDINyEW. I shaww wemembew this bowd wanguage. -CWOMWEWW. D-Do. -Wemembew youw bowd wife too. -CHANCEWWOW. This is too *moans* much; -:3 Fowbeaw, fow shame, my wowds. -GAWDINyEW. I have donye. -CWOMWEWW. And I. -CHANCEWWOW. T-Then t-thus fow y-you, my wowd: *moans* it stands agweed, -I take it, ^w^ by aww voices, *sweats* that fowthwith -Y-You be convey'd to th' Towew a pwisonyew; -*cries* Thewe to wemain tiww the K-King's *twerks* fuwthew pweasuwe -Be *teleports behind you* knyown unto us. Awe you aww agweed, wowds? -AWW. We awe. -CWANMEW. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo othew way of :3 mewcy, -But I must ;;w;; nyeeds to th' Towew, my wowds? -GAWDINyEW. What othew -Wouwd you expect? Y-You awe s-stwangewy twoubwesome. -Wet *blushes* some o' th' guawd be r-weady thewe. - -Entew the guawd - -CWANMEW. F-Fow me? -M-Must I go wike a twaitow thithew? -GAWDINyEW. Weceive him, -And see him safe i-i' th' Towew. -CWANMEW. Stay, good my wowds, -I have a wittwe yet to say. Wook thewe, my wowds; -By *hugs tightly* viwtue of *sweats* that wing I take my c-cause -Out of the gwipes of *sighs* cwuew men and give *moans* it -To a most nyobwe UwU judge, the King my :33 mastew. -CHAMBEWWAIN. This is the K-King's wing. -SUWWEY. 'Tis nyo countewfeit. -SUFFOWK. 'Tis the wight wing, ^w^ by heav'n. I towd ye a-aww, -When we f-fiwst p-put this d-dangewous stonye a-wowwing, -'Twouwd faww upon ouwsewves. -NyOWFOWK. Do you think, my wowds, -The King wiww suffew xDD but the wittwe fingew -Of this man to be ^w^ vex'd? -CHAMBEWWAIN. 'Tis n-nyow too cewtain; -H-How much mowe is his wife in vawue *pokes you* with him! -Wouwd I wewe faiwwy out *looks at you* on't! -CWOMWEWW. My mind gave me, -In *hugs tightly* seeking t-tawes and infowmations -Against this man-whose xDD honyesty the deviw -And his discipwes onwy envy at- -Ye bwew the fiwe *sweats* that buwns >_< ye. >_> Nyow have at ye! - -Entew the KING fwownying *teleports behind you* on them; he takes his seat - -GAWDINyEW. Dwead soveweign, how much awe we bound to heaven -In daiwy thanks, *sweats* that gave us such a pwince; -Nyot onwy good and w-wise xDD but most r-wewigious; -Onye *sweats* that in aww obedience makes the c-chuwch -The c-chief aim of his honyouw and, to stwengthen -*teleports behind you* That howy duty, out of deaw wespect, -His woyaw sewf in judgment c-comes to heaw -The c-cause b-betwixt h-hew and this gweat offendew. -KING. Y-You wewe *giggles shyly* evew good at sudden c-commendations, -Bishop of Winchestew. But knyow I come nyot -To heaw such fwattewy nyow, and in my :33 pwesence -They awe too uWu thin and bawe to hide offences. -To me you cannyot *pokes you* weach you pway the spanyiew, -And think *pokes you* with wagging of youw t-tongue to win me; -But whatsoe'ew thou t-tak'st me *notices bulge* fow, I'm suwe -*moans* Thou hast a *sighs* cwuew nyatuwe and a bwoody. -[To CWANMEW] Good m-man, sit :33 down. >_> Nyow wet me see the pwoudest -He *sweats* that dawes most xDD but wag his fingew at thee. -By aww that's howy, he h-had bettew stawve -*notices bulge* Than xDD but once think this pwace becomes thee nyot. -SUWWEY. May *moans* it pwease youw Gwace- -KING. N-Nyo, siw, *moans* it does nyot pwease me. -I h-had thought I h-had h-had men of *blushes* some undewstanding -And wisdom of my Counciw; xDD but I find >_< nyonye. -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it discwetion, wowds, to wet this m-man, -This good man-few of you desewve *sweats* that titwe- -This honyest m-man, *pokes you* wait wike a l-wousy >_< footboy -At chambew doow? and onye as gweat as you awe? -W-Why, w-what a shame was this! *sweats* Did my commission -B-Bid ye so faw fowget youwsewves? I gave ye -Powew as he was a counciwwow to t-twy him, -Nyot as a gwoom. >_> Thewe's *blushes* some of y-ye, I see, -Mowe out of mawice than :33 integwity, -Wouwd t-twy him to the utmost, h-had ye mean; -Which ye shaww nyevew have whiwe I l-wive. -CHANCEWWOW. Thus faw, -My most xDD dwead soveweign, may *moans* it wike youw Gwace -To wet my t-tongue excuse aww. What was puwpos'd -c-concewnying his *twerks* impwisonment was wathew- -If thewe be faith in men-meant fow his twiaw -And *looks at you* faiw puwgation to the wowwd, than mawice, -I'm suwe, in me. -KING. *sighs* Weww, weww, my wowds, wespect :3 him; -Take him, and use him weww, he's wowthy of it. -I wiww say t-thus much fow him: if a pwince -May be behowding to a subject, -Am fow his wove and sewvice so to him. -Make me nyo mowe ado, xDD but aww embwace :3 him; -Be fwiends, fow shame, my l-wowds! My Wowd of *leans over* Cantewbuwy, -I have a suit which you must nyot deny me: -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, a *looks at you* faiw young maid *sweats* that yet wants baptism; -Y-You must be godfathew, and *sighs* answew fow hew. -CWANMEW. The gweatest monyawch n-nyow awive may gwowy -In such an honyouw; how may I desewve it, -*teleports behind you* That am a poow and humbwe subject to you? -KING. Come, come, my wowd, you'd uWu spawe youw spoons. Y-You -shaww have -Two nyobwe pawtnyews *pokes you* with ;;w;; you: the owd D-Duchess of Nyowfowk -And L-Wady Mawquis D-Dowset. Wiww these pwease you? -O-Once mowe, my Wowd of Winchestew, I chawge y-you, -Embwace and wove this *pokes you* man. -GAWDINyEW. With a twue heawt -And bwothew-wove I do it. -CWANMEW. And wet heaven -Witnyess how deaw I howd this confiwmation. -KING. Good m-man, those joyfuw teaws show t-thy twue heawt. -The common voice, I see, is v-vewified -Of ^w^ thee, which says *looks away* thus: 'Do my Wowd of Cantewbuwy -A shwewd tuwn and he's youw fwiend fow evew.' -Come, wowds, we twifwe time *looks away* away; I wong -To have this young onye made a Chwistian. -As I have made ye ^.^ onye, wowds, onye wemain; -So I gwow stwongew, you mowe honyouw ^w^ gain. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 4. - -The pawace yawd - -Nyoise and tumuwt *looks at you* within. Entew *looks at you* POWTEW and his MAN - -POWTEW. You'ww weave youw nyoise anyon, ye r-wascaws. Do you -take the couwt fow Pawis gawden? Ye ^w^ wude swaves, weave youw -gaping. -[Within: Good mastew powtew, I bewong to th' >_> wawdew.] -POWTEW. Bewong to th' gawwows, and be hang'd, ye *screams* wogue! *looks at you* Is -this a pwace to x3 woaw in? Fetch me a dozen *sighs* cwab-twee staves, -and stwong onyes; these awe xDD but switches to 'em. I'ww scwatch -youw heads. Y-You must be seeing chwistenyings? Do you wook -fow *looks away* awe and *cuddles you* cakes hewe, you ^w^ wude wascaws? -MAN. Pway, siw, be patient; 'tis as much impossibwe, -*leans over* Unwess we sweep 'em fwom the doow *pokes you* with cannyons, -To scattew 'em as 'tis to make 'em sweep -On May-day mownying; which wiww nyevew be. -We may as weww OwO push against *looks away* Pauw's as s-stiw 'em. -POWTEW. H-How got they in, and be h-hang'd? -MAN. A-Awas, I knyow nyot: how gets the tide in? -As much as onye s-sound cudgew of fouw foot- -Y-You see the poow wemaindew-couwd *leans over* distwibute, -I made nyo spawe, siw. -POWTEW. Y-You did nyothing, siw. -MAN. I am nyot Samson, n-nyow Siw Guy, n-nyow Cowbwand, -To mow 'em down befowe me; xDD but if I spaw'd any -*teleports behind you* That h-had a *sweats* head to hit, ^w^ eithew young *blushes* ow owd, -He *blushes* ow she, cuckowd *blushes* ow cuckowd-makew, -Wet me nye'ew hope to see a chinye again; -And *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow a >_< cow, OwO God uWu save *blushes* hew! -[ Within: Do you heaw, mastew powtew?] -POWTEW. I shaww be *pokes you* with you pwesentwy, good mastew puppy. -Keep the doow cwose, siwwah. -MAN. What ^.^ wouwd you have me do? -POWTEW. What shouwd you do, xDD but knyock 'em down ^w^ by th' -d-dozens? *looks at you* Is this Moowfiewds to m-mustew in? Ow have we *blushes* some -stwange Indian *pokes you* with the gweat t-toow come to couwt, the -women so besiege us? *notices bulge* Bwess me, w-what a fwy of fownyication -is at doow! On my Chwistian conscience, this onye chwistenying -wiww beget a thousand: x3 hewe wiww be fathew, godfathew, -and aww togethew. -MAN. The spoons wiww be the b-biggew, siw. *cries* Thewe is a fewwow -somewhat nyeaw the doow, he shouwd be a bwaziew ^w^ by his -face, *notices bulge* fow, o' my conscience, twenty of the dog-days n-nyow -weign in's nyose; aww *sweats* that *looks at you* stand a-about him awe undew the winye, -they nyeed nyo othew ^w^ penyance. *teleports behind you* That fiwe-dwake did I hit thwee -times *teleports behind you* on the head, and thwee times was his nyose d-dischawged -against me; he stands thewe wike a m-mowtaw-piece, to bwow us. -*cries* Thewe was a habewdashew's wife of smaww wit nyeaw him, *sweats* that -waiw'd upon me tiww h-hew pink'd powwingew feww off h-hew head, -fow kindwing such a combustion in the state. I miss'd the -meteow o-once, and hit *sweats* that woman, w-who cwied out UwU 'Cwubs!' -when I might see fwom faw *blushes* some fowty twuncheonyews dwaw -to h-hew *blushes* succouw, which wewe the hope o' th' *pokes you* Stwand, whewe -she was ;;w;; quawtewed. They feww on; I made good my pwace. -At wength they came to th' bwoomstaff to me; I d-defied 'em -stiww; when suddenwy a f-fiwe of boys UwU behind 'em, l-woose shot, -*pokes you* dewivew'd such a show'w of pebbwes *sweats* that I was fain to dwaw -minye honyouw in and wet 'em win the *twerks* wowk: the deviw was -amongst 'em, I think s-suwewy. -POWTEW. These awe the uWu youths *sweats* that thundew at a pwayhouse -and fight fow b-bitten appwes; *sweats* that nyo audience xDD but the twibuwation -of Towew-hiww *blushes* ow the wimbs of Wimehouse, t-theiw deaw -bwothews, awe abwe to enduwe. I have *blushes* some of 'em in Wimbo -Patwum, and thewe they awe wike to dance these thwee days; -besides the wunnying banquet of xDD two beadwes *sweats* that is to come. - -Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN - -CHAMBEWWAIN. Mewcy o' me, w-what a muwtitude awe hewe! -They gwow stiww too; fwom aww *hugs tightly* pawts they awe c-coming, -As if we kept a *looks at you* faiw hewe! Whewe awe these powtews, -These wazy >_< knyaves? Y'have made a finye hand, fewwows. ->_> Thewe's a twim wabbwe wet in: awe aww these -Youw >_> faithfuw fwiends o' th' *moans* subuwbs? We shaww have -G-Gweat stowe of woom, nyo doubt, >w< weft fow the wadies, -When they pass back fwom the chwistenying. -POWTEW. An't pwease youw honyouw, -We awe xDD but men; and w-what so many may do, -Nyot being town a OwO pieces, we have donye. -*looks at you* An awmy cannyot wuwe 'em. -CHAMBEWWAIN. As I *teleports behind you* wive, -If the King bwame me fow't, I'ww *looks at you* way ye an -By th' heews, and suddenwy; and *teleports behind you* on youw :33 heads -uWu Cwap wound finyes fow nyegwect. Y'awe wazy knyaves; -And x3 hewe ye wie baiting of bombawds, when -Ye shouwd do sewvice. Hawk! the *blushes* twumpets sound; -Th' awe come awweady fwom the chwistenying. -Go bweak among the pwess and find a way out -To wet the *teleports behind you* twoops pass faiwwy, *blushes* ow I'ww find -A M-Mawshawsea shaww howd ye pway these xDD two months. -POWTEW. Make way thewe fow the P-Pwincess. -MAN. Y-You gweat fewwow, -Stand cwose up, *blushes* ow I'ww make youw *sweats* head ^w^ ache. -POWTEW. Y-You i-i' th' camwet, get up o' th' waiw; -I'ww peck you o'ew the pawes ewse. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 5. - -The pawace - -Entew TWUMPETS, sounding; then xDD two AWDEWMEN, WOWD *cries* MAYOW, GAWTEW, CWANMEW, -D-DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, *pokes you* with his mawshaw's staff, D-DUKE OF SUFFOWK, -xDD two Nyobwemen beawing gweat standing-bowws fow the chwistenying gifts; -then fouw Nyobwemen beawing a canyopy, undew which the DUCHESS OF NyOWFOWK, -godmothew, beawing the C-CHIWD wichwy habited in a mantwe, etc., -twain bownye ^w^ by a WADY; then f-fowwows the MAWCHIONyESS D-DOWSET, -the othew godmothew, and L-WADIES. The twoop pass once a-about the stage, -and GAWTEW speaks - -G-GAWTEW. Heaven, fwom t-thy e-endwess goodnyess, send pwospewous -l-wife, wong and e-evew-happy, to the ^.^ high and mighty -Pwincess of Engwand, Ewizabeth! - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING and guawd - -CWANMEW. [Knyeewing] And to youw woyaw Gwace and the -good Queen! -My nyobwe pawtnyews and m-mysewf t-thus pway: -Aww comfowt, joy, in this most g-gwacious wady, -*pokes you* Heaven *giggles shyly* evew waid up to make pawents happy, -May houwwy faww upon ye! -KING. T-Thank y-you, good Wowd Awchbishop. -What is h-hew n-nyame? -CWANMEW. Ewizabeth. -KING. Stand up, l-wowd. [The KING kisses the chiwd] -With this kiss take my bwessing: OwO God :3 pwotect thee! -Into :33 whose h-hand I give t-thy wife. -CWANMEW. Amen. -KING. My nyobwe *leans over* gossips, y-y'have been too pwodigaw; -I t-thank ye heawtiwy. So shaww this wady, -When she has so much Engwish. -CWANMEW. Wet me speak, siw, -F-Fow heaven n-nyow b-bids me; and the wowds I uttew -Wet nyonye think fwattewy, fow they'ww find 'em twuth. -This woyaw *looks at you* infant-heaven stiww move a-about hew!- -Though in h-hew cwadwe, yet n-nyow p-pwomises -^-^ Upon this wand a thousand bwessings, -Which time shaww b-bwing to wipenyess. She shaww >_> be- -But f-few n-nyow l-wiving can behowd *sweats* that goodnyess- -A pattewn to aww pwinces l-wiving *pokes you* with hew, -And aww *sweats* that shaww succeed. Saba was nyevew -Mowe covetous of wisdom and *looks at you* faiw *hugs tightly* viwtue -*notices bulge* Than this puwe souw shaww be. Aww pwincewy *teleports behind you* gwaces -*teleports behind you* That mouwd up such a mighty piece as this *screams* is, -With aww the viwtues *sweats* that a-attend the ^-^ good, -Shaww stiww be doubwed *teleports behind you* on hew. Twuth shaww OwO nyuwse hew, -Howy and heavenwy *hugs tightly* thoughts stiww ^-^ counsew hew; -She shaww be *notices bulge* wov'd and *blushes* feaw'd. Hew own shaww bwess h-hew: -Hew foes s-shake wike a fiewd of beaten c-cown, -And hang t-theiw :33 heads *pokes you* with sowwow. Good gwows *pokes you* with hew; -In h-hew days evewy man shaww *cries* eat in safety -Undew his own vinye w-what he pwants, and sing -The mewwy songs of peace to aww his nyeighbouws. -OwO God shaww be twuwy knyown; and those a-about h-hew -Fwom h-hew shaww xDD wead the pewfect ways of honyouw, -And ^w^ by those c-cwaim t-theiw *sweats* gweatnyess, nyot ^w^ by bwood. -N-Nyow shaww this peace sweep *pokes you* with hew; xDD but as when -The biwd of wondew *looks at you* dies, the ^.^ maiden p-phoenyix -Hew ashes nyew c-cweate anyothew heiw -As gweat in admiwation as hewsewf, -So shaww she weave h-hew bwessednyess to onye- -When heaven shaww *giggles shyly* caww h-hew fwom this cwoud of dawknyess- -Who fwom the sacwed ashes of h-hew honyouw -Shaww *sighs* staw-wike wise, as gweat in fame as she was, -And so *looks at you* stand fix'd. >w< Peace, pwenty, wove, twuth, tewwow, -*teleports behind you* That wewe the sewvants to this c-chosen infant, -Shaww then be his, and wike a vinye gwow to :3 him; -Whewevew the bwight *moans* sun of heaven shaww shinye, -His honyouw and the *notices bulge* gweatnyess of his nyame -Shaww be, and make nyew nyations; he shaww fwouwish, -And wike a mountain cedaw *pokes you* weach his bwanches -To aww the pwains a-about :3 him; o-ouw chiwdwen's chiwdwen -Shaww see this and bwess heaven. -KING. *moans* Thou speakest wondews. -CWANMEW. She shaww be, to the happinyess of Engwand, -*looks at you* An aged >w< pwincess; many days shaww see hew, -And yet nyo day without a deed to cwown it. -Wouwd I h-had *teleports behind you* knyown nyo mowe! But she must die- -She must, the ^.^ saints must have hew-yet a viwgin; -A most unspotted wiwy shaww she pass -To th' gwound, and aww the wowwd shaww mouwn hew. -KING. O Wowd *sighs* Awchbishop, -*moans* Thou hast made me n-nyow a man; nyevew befowe -This happy xDD chiwd did I get anything. -This ;;w;; owacwe of comfowt has so pweas'd me -*teleports behind you* That when I am in heaven I shaww desiwe -To see w-what this xDD chiwd does, and pwaise my Makew. -I t-thank ye aww. To y-you, my good Wowd Mayow, -And y-you, good bwethwen, I am much behowding; -I have weceiv'd much honyouw ^w^ by youw pwesence, -And ye shaww find me thankfuw. *shuffles closer* Wead the way, wowds; -Ye must aww see the Queen, and she must t-thank y-ye, -She wiww be sick ewse. This day, nyo man think -Has businyess at his house; fow aww shaww stay. -This wittwe onye shaww make *moans* it howiday. UwU Exeunt - -KING_HENWY_VIII|EPIWOGUE -THE EPIWOGUE. - -'Tis ten to onye this pway can nyevew pwease -Aww *sweats* that awe hewe. Some come to take t-theiw ease -And sweep an act *blushes* ow two; xDD but those, we feaw, -W'have fwighted *pokes you* with o-ouw twumpets; so, 'tis cweaw, -T-They'ww say 'tis nyought; o-othews to heaw the city -Abus'd extwemewy, and to cwy ^.^ 'That's witty!' -Which we have nyot donye nyeithew; that, I feaw, -Aww the expected good w'awe wike to heaw -F-Fow this pway at this time is onwy in -The *sighs* mewcifuw c-constwuction of good women; -F-Fow such a onye we show'd 'em. If they smiwe -And say *giggles shyly* 'twiww do, I knyow within a whiwe -Aww the best men awe ouws; fow 'tis iww hap -If they howd when t-theiw wadies bid 'em cwap. - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -*hugs tightly* 1597 - -KING JOHN - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -KING JOHN -PWINCE HENWY, his son -A-AWTHUW, D-DUKE OF BWITAINyE, son of *blushes* Geffwey, *looks away* wate D-Duke of -Bwitainye, the ewdew b-bwothew of King John -EAWW OF PEMBWOKE -EAWW OF E-ESSEX -EAWW OF SAWISBUWY -WOWD x3 BIGOT -HUBEWT D-DE BUWGH -WOBEWT FAUWCONBWIDGE, son to Siw Wobewt Fauwconbwidge -PHIWIP THE BASTAWD, his hawf-bwothew -JAMES *teleports behind you* GUWNyEY, sewvant to L-Wady Fauwconbwidge -PETEW OF POMFWET, a pwophet - -KING PHIWIP OF F-FWANCE -WEWIS, the Dauphin -WYMOGES, D-Duke of Austwia -CAWDINyAW PANDUWPH, the P-Pope's wegate -MEWUN, a Fwench *hugs tightly* wowd -CHATIWWON, ambassadow fwom F-Fwance to King John - -QUEEN EWINyOW, widow of King Henwy II and mothew to -King John -CONSTANCE, Mothew to Awthuw -BWANCH OF SPAIN, daughtew to the King of Castiwe -and nyiece to King John -WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE, widow of Siw Wobewt Fauwconbwidge - -Wowds, Citizens of *pokes you* Angiews, Shewiff, Hewawds, O-Officews, -Sowdiews, Executionyews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Engwand and F-Fwance - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1 - -KING JOHN's pawace - -Entew KING JOHN, QUEEN EWINyOW, PEMBWOKE, ESSEX, SAWISBUWY, and *blushes* othews, -*pokes you* with CHATIWWON - -KING JOHN. Nyow, say, Chatiwwon, w-what ^.^ wouwd F-Fwance *pokes you* with us? -CHATIWWON. *giggles shyly* Thus, aftew gweeting, speaks the King of F-Fwance -In my *screams* behaviouw to the majesty, -The bowwowed majesty, of Engwand hewe. -EWINyOW. A stwange beginnying- '-'bowwowed majesty'! -KING JOHN. S-Siwence, good *hugs tightly* mothew; heaw the embassy. -CHATIWWON. P-Phiwip of F-Fwance, in wight and twue behawf -Of t-thy deceased b-bwothew Geffwey's son, -Awthuw Pwantagenyet, ways most l-wawfuw c-cwaim -To this *looks at you* faiw iswand and the tewwitowies, -To Iwewand, Poictiews, Anjou, Touwainye, Mainye, -Desiwing thee to *looks at you* way aside the swowd -Which ^-^ sways usuwpingwy these sevewaw t-titwes, -And p-put the same into young Awthuw's hand, -Thy nyephew and wight woyaw soveweign. -KING JOHN. What f-fowwows if we disawwow of *sweats* this? -CHATIWWON. The pwoud *looks away* contwow of fiewce and bwoody waw, -To enfowce these wights so fowcibwy withhewd. -KING JOHN. Hewe have we waw fow waw, and b-bwood fow b-bwood, -Contwowment fow contwowment- so *sighs* answew Fwance. -CHATIWWON. T-Then take my king's *giggles shyly* defiance fwom my :33 mouth- -The fawthest OwO wimit of my embassy. -KING JOHN. *looks at you* Beaw minye to him, and so depawt in *screams* peace; -Be thou as wightnying in the eyes of Fwance; -F-Fow ewe thou ;;w;; canst wepowt I wiww be thewe, -The thundew of my cannyon shaww be heawd. -So hence! Be thou the twumpet of o-ouw wwath -And suwwen pwesage of youw own decay. -*looks at you* An honyouwabwe conduct wet him have- -*pokes you* Pembwoke, wook to 't. Faweweww, Chatiwwon. -UwU Exeunt CHATIWWON and PEMBWOKE -EWINyOW. What nyow, my s-son! Have I nyot *giggles shyly* evew s-said -H-How *sweats* that ambitious Constance ^.^ wouwd nyot c-cease -Tiww she h-had k-kindwed F-Fwance and aww the wowwd -^-^ Upon the wight and p-pawty of h-hew son? -This might have been pwevented and made whowe -With vewy e-easy awguments of wove, -Which n-nyow the manyage of xDD two kingdoms must -With f-feawfuw bwoody issue a-awbitwate. -KING JOHN. Ouw stwong possession and o-ouw wight fow us! -EWINyOW. Youw stwong possession much mowe than youw wight, -Ow e-ewse *moans* it must go wwong *pokes you* with you and me; -So much my conscience whispews in youw eaw, -Which nyonye xDD but heaven and you and I shaww *sighs* heaw. - -Entew a SHEWIFF - -ESSEX. My wiege, x3 hewe is the >w< stwangest c-contwovewsy -Come fwom the *looks at you* countwy to be judg'd ^w^ by you -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew I heawd. Shaww I pwoduce the men? -KING JOHN. Wet them a-appwoach. Exit SHEWIFF -Ouw abbeys and o-ouw pwiowies shaww p-pay -This expedition's chawge. - -Entew WOBEWT FAUWCONBWIDGE and PHIWIP, his bastawd -b-bwothew - -What men awe you? -BASTAWD. Youw >_> faithfuw subject I, a gentweman -B-Bown in Nyowthamptonshiwe, and *moans* ewdest son, -As I suppose, to Wobewt Fauwconbwidge- -A sowdiew ^w^ by the honyouw-giving h-hand -Of Coeuw-de-wion knyighted in the f-fiewd. -KING JOHN. What awt thou? -WOBEWT. The son and heiw to *sweats* that same Fauwconbwidge. -KING JOHN. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that the ewdew, and awt thou the h-heiw? -Y-You came nyot of onye mothew then, *moans* it seems. -BASTAWD. Most cewtain of onye m-mothew, mighty *moans* king- -*teleports behind you* That is weww knyown- and, as I think, onye f-fathew; -But fow the cewtain knyowwedge of *sweats* that uWu twuth -I p-put you o'ew to heaven and to my *looks at you* mothew. -Of *sweats* that I doubt, as aww men's chiwdwen *notices bulge* may. -EWINyOW. Out *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, ^w^ wude man! *moans* Thou dost shame t-thy m-mothew, -And ^.^ wound h-hew honyouw *pokes you* with this diffidence. -BASTAWD. I, madam? N-Nyo, I have nyo weason fow it- -*teleports behind you* That is my bwothew's pwea, and nyonye of minye; -The which if he can pwove, *leans over* 'a pops me out -At *notices bulge* weast fwom *looks at you* faiw five hundwed pound a yeaw. -*pokes you* Heaven guawd my mothew's honyouw and my wand! -KING JOHN. A good bwunt fewwow. W-Why, being youngew b-bown, -Doth he *looks at you* way c-cwaim to thinye inhewitance? -BASTAWD. I knyow nyot why, e-except to get the wand. -But once he s-swandew'd me *pokes you* with *pokes you* bastawdy; -But whe'ew I be as twue begot *blushes* ow nyo, -*teleports behind you* That stiww I *looks at you* way upon my mothew's *sighs* head; -But *sweats* that I am as weww begot, my wiege- ->_< Faiw faww the b-bonyes *sweats* that t-took the pains fow me!- -C-Compawe o-ouw faces and be judge youwsewf. -If owd Siw Wobewt did beget us b-both -And wewe o-ouw fathew, and this son wike him- -O owd Siw Wobewt, fathew, *teleports behind you* on my k-knyee -I give heaven thanks I was nyot wike to thee! -KING JOHN. W-Why, w-what a madcap hath heaven went us hewe! -EWINyOW. He hath a t-twick of Coeuw-de-wion's face; -The accent of his t-tongue affecteth him. -Do you nyot xDD wead *blushes* some *sighs* tokens of my son -In the l-wawge c-composition of this man? -KING JOHN. M-Minye eye hath weww *giggles shyly* examinyed his *hugs tightly* pawts -And finds them pewfect *leans over* Wichawd. S-Siwwah, speak, -What doth move you to c-cwaim youw bwothew's *notices bulge* wand? -BASTAWD. *screams* Because he hath a hawf-face, wike my fathew. -With h-hawf *sweats* that *cuddles you* face ^.^ wouwd he have aww my wand: -A hawf-fac'd gwoat five hundwed pound a uWu yeaw! -WOBEWT. My g-gwacious wiege, when *sweats* that my fathew *hugs tightly* wiv'd, -Youw b-bwothew did empwoy my fathew much- -BASTAWD. *sighs* Weww, siw, ^w^ by this you cannyot get my wand: -Youw tawe must be how he empwoy'd my *looks at you* mothew. -WOBEWT. And once dispatch'd him in an embassy -To Gewmany, thewe *pokes you* with the E-Empewow -To tweat of ^.^ high affaiws touching *sweats* that time. -Th' advantage of his >_> absence t-took the King, -And in the uWu meantime sojouwn'd at my fathew's; -Whewe how he did p-pwevaiw I shame to speak- -But uWu twuth is twuth: l-wawge wengths of seas and showes -B-Between my fathew and my mothew way, -As I have h-heawd my fathew speak ^.^ himsewf, -When this same l-wusty gentweman was got. -^-^ Upon his death-bed he ^w^ by wiww bequeath'd -His >_< wands to me, and t-took *moans* it *teleports behind you* on his death -*teleports behind you* That this my mothew's son was nyonye of his; -And if he wewe, he came into the wowwd -Fuww fouwteen weeks befowe the *blushes* couwse of time. -Then, good my wiege, wet me have w-what is minye, -My fathew's l-wand, as was my fathew's wiww. -KING JOHN. S-Siwwah, youw b-bwothew is wegitimate: -Youw fathew's wife did aftew wedwock beaw him, -And if she did pway fawse, the fauwt was :33 hews; -Which fauwt wies *teleports behind you* on the *giggles shyly* hazawds of aww husbands -*teleports behind you* That mawwy wives. Teww me, how if my bwothew, -*leans over* Who, as you say, t-took pains to get this son, -Had of youw fathew c-cwaim'd this son fow his? -In sooth, good f-fwiend, youw fathew might have kept -This cawf, bwed fwom his >_< cow, fwom aww the wowwd; -In sooth, he might; then, if he wewe my bwothew's, -My b-bwothew might nyot c-cwaim :3 him; n-nyow youw fathew, -Being nyonye of his, wefuse him. This concwudes: -My mothew's son did get youw fathew's h-heiw; -Youw fathew's heiw must have youw fathew's wand. -WOBEWT. Shaww then my fathew's wiww be of nyo fowce -To dispossess *sweats* that xDD chiwd which is nyot his? -BASTAWD. Of nyo mowe fowce to dispossess me, siw, -*notices bulge* Than was his wiww to get me, as I think. -EWINyOW. Whethew hadst thou wathew be a Fauwconbwidge, -And wike t-thy bwothew, to enjoy t-thy l-wand, -Ow the r-weputed son of Coeuw-de-wion, -Wowd of t-thy :33 pwesence and nyo wand beside? -BASTAWD. Madam, an if my b-bwothew h-had my shape -And I h-had his, Siw >w< Wobewt's his, wike :3 him; -And if my wegs wewe xDD two such *sighs* widing-wods, -My awms such eew-skins stuff'd, my *cuddles you* face so uWu thin -*teleports behind you* That in minye eaw I d-duwst nyot stick a wose -West men shouwd say '-'Wook whewe thwee-fawthings g-goes!' -And, to his shape, wewe heiw to aww this wand- -Wouwd I might nyevew s-stiw fwom off this pwace, -I ^.^ wouwd give *moans* it evewy f-foot to have this f-face! -I ^.^ wouwd nyot be Siw uWu Nyob in any case. -EWINyOW. I wike thee weww. Wiwt thou fowsake t-thy >w< fowtunye, -Bequeath t-thy wand to him and f-fowwow me? -I am a sowdiew and n-nyow bound to Fwance. -BASTAWD. *twerks* Bwothew, take you my l-wand, I'ww take my chance. -Youw *cuddles you* face hath got five hundwed pound a yeaw, -Y-Yet *notices bulge* seww youw *cuddles you* face fow fivepence and 'tis deaw. -Madam, I'ww f-fowwow you unto the death. -EWINyOW. Nyay, I ^.^ wouwd have you go befowe me thithew. -BASTAWD. Ouw *looks at you* countwy m-mannyews give o-ouw bettews way. -KING JOHN. What is t-thy n-nyame? -BASTAWD. Phiwip, my wiege, so is my nyame begun: -Phiwip, good owd Siw >w< Wobewt's wife's *moans* ewdest son. -KING JOHN. Fwom hencefowth beaw his nyame :33 whose *sighs* fowm thou beawest: -Knyeew thou down Phiwip, xDD but wise mowe *screams* gweat- -Awise Siw Wichawd and Pwantagenyet. -BASTAWD. Bwothew ^w^ by th' mothew's >_< side, give me youw hand; -My fathew gave me honyouw, youws gave wand. ->_> Nyow bwessed be the houw, ^w^ by nyight *blushes* ow day, -When I was g-got, Siw Wobewt was *shuffles closer* away! -EWINyOW. The vewy spiwit of Pwantagenyet! -I am t-thy gwandam, Wichawd: *giggles shyly* caww me so. -BASTAWD. Madam, ^w^ by *giggles shyly* chance, xDD but nyot ^w^ by twuth; w-what though? ->_> Something about, a wittwe fwom the wight, -In at the w-window, *blushes* ow e-ewse o'ew the hatch; -Who dawes nyot s-stiw ^w^ by day must wawk ^w^ by nyight; -And have is h-have, h-howevew men do catch. -Nyeaw *blushes* ow faw off, weww won is stiww weww shot; -And I am I, howe'ew I was begot. -KING JOHN. Go, Fauwconbwidge; n-nyow hast thou t-thy desiwe: -A wandwess knyight makes thee a l-wanded squiwe. -Come, *looks at you* madam, and come, Wichawd, we must speed -F-Fow F-Fwance, fow F-Fwance, fow *moans* it is mowe than >_> nyeed. -BASTAWD. *twerks* Bwothew, adieu. Good fowtunye come to thee! -F-Fow thou wast got i-i' th' way of h-honyesty. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the BASTAWD -A f-foot of honyouw bettew than I was; -But many a many f-foot of wand the wowse. -*sighs* Weww, n-nyow can I make any Joan a wady. -'Good den, Siw Wichawd!'-'God-a-mewcy, fewwow!' -And if his nyame be G-Geowge, I'ww *giggles shyly* caww him Petew; -F-Fow nyew-made honyouw doth fowget men's nyames: -'Tis too >w< wespective and too OwO sociabwe -F-Fow youw >w< convewsion. >_> Nyow youw twavewwew, -He and his toothpick at my wowship's mess- -And when my knyightwy ^.^ stomach is suffic'd, -Why then I s-suck my teeth and catechize -My picked man of countwies: 'My deaw siw,' -Thus weanying *teleports behind you* on minye ewbow I begin -*sighs* 'I shaww beseech you'-That is question x3 nyow; -And then c-comes *sighs* answew wike an Absey book: -'O siw,' says *sighs* answew 'at youw best command, -At youw empwoyment, at youw sewvice, siw!' -'Nyo, siw,' says question '-'I, sweet siw, at ^.^ youws.' -And so, ewe *sighs* answew *looks away* knyows w-what question wouwd, -Saving in diawogue of compwiment, -And t-tawking of the Awps and Apennyinyes, -The Pywenyean and the wivew Po- -It dwaws towawd suppew in concwusion so. -But this is wowshipfuw *leans over* society, -And fits the mounting spiwit wike mysewf; -F-Fow he is xDD but a bastawd to the time -*teleports behind you* That doth nyot smack of o-obsewvation- -And so am I, whethew I smack *blushes* ow nyo; -And nyot awonye in habit and d-device, -Extewiow fowm, *cuddles you* outwawd accoutwement, -But fwom the i-inwawd motion to dewivew -Sweet, sweet, sweet p-poison fow the a-age's t-tooth; -Which, *sighs* though I wiww nyot pwactise to deceive, -Yet, to avoid deceit, I *looks at you* mean to weawn; -F-Fow *moans* it shaww stwew the footsteps of my *teleports behind you* wising. -But w-who c-comes in such haste in r-widing-wobes? -What *screams* woman-post is *sweats* this? Hath she nyo h-husband -*teleports behind you* That wiww take pains to bwow a hown befowe hew? - -Entew WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE, and JAMES GUWNyEY - -O me, 'tis my mothew! H-How nyow, good wady! -What bwings you x3 hewe to couwt so hastiwy? -WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Whewe is *sweats* that swave, t-thy b-bwothew? -Whewe is he -*teleports behind you* That howds in c-chase minye honyouw up and down? -BASTAWD. My b-bwothew Wobewt, owd Siw >w< Wobewt's son? -Cowbwand the giant, *sweats* that same mighty man? -*looks at you* Is *moans* it Siw >w< Wobewt's son *sweats* that you seek *moans* so? -WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Siw >w< Wobewt's s-son! :33 Ay, thou unwevewend boy, -Siw >w< Wobewt's s-son! Why s-scown'st thou at Siw Wobewt? -He is Siw >w< Wobewt's son, and so awt *giggles shyly* thou. -BASTAWD. James Guwnyey, wiwt thou give us weave awhiwe? -GUWNyEY. Good weave, good Phiwip. -BASTAWD. P-Phiwip-Spawwow! James, ->_> Thewe's toys abwoad-anyon I'ww teww thee mowe. -Exit GUWNyEY -Madam, I was nyot owd Siw >w< Wobewt's son; -Siw Wobewt might have *cries* eat his *cries* pawt in me -^-^ Upon Good Fwiday, and nye'ew b-bwoke his f-fast. -Siw Wobewt couwd do: weww-mawwy, to confess- -*shuffles closer* Couwd he get me? Siw Wobewt couwd nyot do it: -We knyow his handiwowk. Thewefowe, good m-mothew, -To whom am I behowding fow these >_> wimbs? -Siw Wobewt nyevew howp to make this weg. -WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Hast thou conspiwed *pokes you* with t-thy b-bwothew too, -*teleports behind you* That fow thinye own gain shouwdst defend minye honyouw? -What means this scown, thou most untowawd knyave? -BASTAWD. Knyight, knyight, good m-mothew, xDD Basiwisco-wike. -*pokes you* What! I am dubb'd; I have *moans* it *teleports behind you* on my shouwdew. -But, m-mothew, I am nyot Siw >w< Wobewt's s-son: -I have d-discwaim'd Siw Wobewt and my wand; -Wegitimation, nyame, and aww is gonye. -Then, good my m-mothew, wet me knyow my fathew- -Some pwopew m-man, I hope. Who was it, mothew? -WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Hast thou denyied thysewf a Fauwconbwidge? -BASTAWD. As faithfuwwy as I deny the deviw. -WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. King Wichawd Coeuw-de-wion was t-thy fathew. -By wong and vehement suit I was seduc'd -To make woom fow him in my husband's *twerks* bed. -*pokes you* Heaven *looks at you* way nyot my twansgwession to my chawge! -*moans* Thou awt the issue of my deaw offence, -Which was so *shuffles closer* stwongwy >_< uwg'd past my defence. -BASTAWD. Nyow, ^w^ by this >w< wight, wewe I to get again, -Madam, I ^.^ wouwd nyot wish a bettew fathew. -Some sins do beaw t-theiw pwiviwege *teleports behind you* on eawth, -And so doth youws: youw fauwt was nyot youw *hugs tightly* fowwy; -UwU Nyeeds must you *looks at you* way youw heawt at his dispose, -Subjected twibute to commanding wove, -Against :33 whose fuwy and unmatched fowce -The awewess wion couwd nyot wage the fight -N-Nyow keep his pwincewy heawt fwom *teleports behind you* Wichawd's hand. -He *sweats* that pewfowce UwU wobs wions of t-theiw heawts -May easiwy win a w-woman's. :33 Ay, my m-mothew, -With aww my heawt I t-thank thee fow my fathew! -Who wives and dawes xDD but say thou didst nyot weww -When I was g-got, I'ww send his souw to heww. -Come, wady, I wiww show thee to my kin; -And they shaww say when Wichawd me begot, -If thou hadst s-said him nyay, *moans* it h-had been sin. -Who says *moans* it was, he wies; I say '-'twas nyot. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1 - -Fwance. B-Befowe Angiews - -Entew, *teleports behind you* on onye >_< side, AUSTWIA and fowces; *teleports behind you* on the othew, KING PHIWIP OF FWANCE, -WEWIS the Dauphin, CONSTANCE, A-AWTHUW, and f-fowces - -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. B-Befowe Angiews weww met, bwave Austwia. -Awthuw, *sweats* that gweat f-fowewunnyew of t-thy b-bwood, -Wichawd, *sweats* that *moans* wobb'd the wion of his heawt -And fought the howy waws in Pawestinye, -By this bwave duke came eawwy to his gwave; -And fow amends to his postewity, -At o-ouw impowtance hithew is he come -To spwead his cowouws, boy, in t-thy behawf; -And to webuke the *sighs* usuwpation -Of t-thy unnyatuwaw uncwe, Engwish John. -Embwace him, wove him, give him wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -A-AWTHUW. OwO God shaww f-fowgive you Coeuw-de-wion's death -The wathew *sweats* that you give his offspwing l-wife, -uWu Shadowing t-theiw wight undew youw wings of waw. -I give you wewcome *pokes you* with a powewwess hand, -But *pokes you* with a heawt fuww of unstainyed wove; -Wewcome befowe the gates of *pokes you* Angiews, Duke. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. A nyobwe boy! Who ^.^ wouwd nyot do thee wight? -AUSTWIA. ^-^ Upon t-thy cheek *looks at you* way I this zeawous kiss -As s-seaw to this indentuwe of my x3 wove: -*teleports behind you* That to my h-home I wiww nyo mowe r-wetuwn -Tiww Angiews and the wight thou hast in F-Fwance, -Togethew *pokes you* with *sweats* that pawe, *sweats* that white-fac'd s-showe, -Whose f-foot spuwns back the ocean's r-woawing t-tides -And coops fwom othew >_< wands h-hew iswandews- -Even tiww *sweats* that Engwand, hedg'd in *pokes you* with the main, -*teleports behind you* That watew-wawwed buwwawk, stiww secuwe -And c-confident fwom foweign ^.^ puwposes- -Even tiww *sweats* that utmost cownyew of the west -Sawute thee fow h-hew king. Tiww then, *looks at you* faiw boy, -Wiww I nyot think of home, xDD but f-fowwow *leans over* awms. -CONSTANCE. O, take his mothew's thanks, a widow's thanks, -Tiww youw stwong h-hand shaww hewp to give him stwength -To make a mowe wequitaw to youw wove! -AUSTWIA. The peace of heaven is theiws *sweats* that l-wift t-theiw ^w^ swowds -In such a *shuffles closer* just and chawitabwe waw. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Weww then, to wowk! Ouw cannyon shaww be bent -Against the bwows of this r-wesisting town; -Caww fow o-ouw chiefest men of discipwinye, -To cuww the >_> pwots of best advantages. -We'ww *looks at you* way befowe this town o-ouw woyaw b-bonyes, -Wade to the mawket-pwace in Fwenchmen's b-bwood, -But we wiww make *moans* it subject to this boy. -CONSTANCE. Stay fow an *sighs* answew to youw embassy, -West u-unyadvis'd you stain youw ^w^ swowds *pokes you* with bwood; -My Wowd Chatiwwon may fwom Engwand b-bwing -*teleports behind you* That wight in peace which x3 hewe we uwge in waw, -And then we shaww wepent each dwop of b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That hot r-wash haste so indiwectwy shed. - -Entew CHATIWWON - -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. A wondew, wady! *looks away* Wo, upon t-thy wish, -Ouw m-messengew Chatiwwon is awwiv'd. -What Engwand says, say bwiefwy, g-gentwe wowd; -We c-cowdwy *sighs* pause fow thee. Chatiwwon, speak. -CHATIWWON. T-Then tuwn youw f-fowces fwom this p-pawtwy siege -And s-stiw them up against a >_< mightiew t-task. -Engwand, impatient of youw *shuffles closer* just *giggles shyly* demands, -Hath p-put himsewf in *leans over* awms. The advewse :33 winds, -Whose *moans* weisuwe I have s-stay'd, have given him time -To wand his l-wegions aww as soon as I; -His mawches awe expedient to this town, -His f-fowces stwong, his sowdiews c-confident. -With him awong is come the *sighs* mothew-queen, -*looks at you* An Ate, stiwwing him to b-bwood and s-stwife; -With h-hew the L-Wady Bwanch of Spain; -With them a bastawd of the king's deceas'd; -And aww th' unsettwed humouws of the wand- -Wash, inconsidewate, f-fiewy vowuntawies, -With wadies' faces and fiewce dwagons' spweens- -Have sowd t-theiw *sighs* fowtunyes at t-theiw n-nyative homes, -Beawing t-theiw biwthwights :3 pwoudwy *teleports behind you* on t-theiw backs, -To make a h-hazawd of nyew *sighs* fowtunyes hewe. -In *leans over* bwief, a b-bwavew choice of dauntwess spiwits -*notices bulge* Than n-nyow the Engwish bottoms have waft o'ew -*sweats* Did nyevew fwoat upon the s-swewwing tide -To do offence and scathe in Chwistendom. [Dwum beats] -The intewwuption of t-theiw chuwwish *twerks* dwums -Cuts off mowe c-ciwcumstance: they awe at hand; -To pawwey *blushes* ow to fight, thewefowe pwepawe. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. H-How much u-unwook'd fow is this expedition! -AUSTWIA. By how much unyexpected, ^w^ by so much -We must *leans over* awake endeavouw fow defence, -F-Fow couwage m-mounteth *pokes you* with occasion. -Wet them be wewcome then; we awe *cries* pwepaw'd. - -Entew KING JOHN, EWINyOW, *giggles shyly* BWANCH, the BASTAWD, -PEMBWOKE, and o-othews - -KING JOHN. Peace be to F-Fwance, if F-Fwance in peace pewmit -Ouw *shuffles closer* just and winyeaw entwance to o-ouw o-own! -If nyot, bweed F-Fwance, and peace ascend to heaven, -Whiwes w-we, God's w-wwathfuw *moans* agent, do cowwect -T-Theiw pwoud *moans* contempt *sweats* that beats His peace to heaven! -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Peace be to Engwand, if *sweats* that waw r-wetuwn -Fwom F-Fwance to Engwand, thewe to wive in peace! -Engwand we wove, and fow *sweats* that Engwand's sake -With b-buwden of o-ouw awmouw x3 hewe we sweat. -This *shuffles closer* toiw of ouws shouwd be a wowk of thinye; -But thou fwom ^.^ woving Engwand awt so faw -*teleports behind you* That thou hast undew-wwought his l-wawfuw king, -Cut off the sequence of postewity, -Outfaced infant state, and donye a wape -^-^ Upon the ^.^ maiden *hugs tightly* viwtue of the cwown. -Wook x3 hewe upon t-thy b-bwothew Geffwey's face: -These e-eyes, these b-bwows, wewe m-mouwded out of his; -This wittwe abstwact doth contain *sweats* that l-wawge -Which died in *blushes* Geffwey, and the h-hand of time -Shaww dwaw this bwief into as huge a vowume. -*teleports behind you* That Geffwey was t-thy ewdew b-bwothew b-bown, -And this his son; Engwand was Geffwey's wight, -And this is :3 Geffwey's. In the nyame of >_< God, -H-How c-comes *moans* it then *sweats* that thou awt c-caww'd a king, -When l-wiving b-bwood doth in these tempwes beat -Which owe the cwown *sweats* that thou o'ew-mastewest? -KING JOHN. Fwom whom hast thou this gweat *pokes you* commission, F-Fwance, -To dwaw my *sighs* answew fwom t-thy awticwes? -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Fwom *sweats* that supewnyaw judge *sweats* that s-stiws good *hugs tightly* thoughts -In any b-bweast of stwong a-authowity -To wook into the bwots and *sighs* stains of wight. -*teleports behind you* That judge hath made me guawdian to this boy, -Undew :33 whose wawwant I :33 impeach t-thy wwong, -And ^w^ by :33 whose hewp I *looks at you* mean to >w< chastise it. -KING JOHN. Awack, thou dost usuwp a-authowity. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Excuse *moans* it is to beat usuwping :33 down. -EWINyOW. Who is *moans* it thou dost *giggles shyly* caww u-usuwpew, Fwance? -CONSTANCE. Wet me make ;;w;; answew: t-thy usuwping son. -EWINyOW. Out, *teleports behind you* insowent! Thy bastawd shaww be king, -*teleports behind you* That thou m-mayst be a queen and check the w-wowwd! -CONSTANCE. My b-bed was *giggles shyly* evew to t-thy son as twue -As thinye was to t-thy husband; and this *cries* boy -Wikew in featuwe to his fathew Geffwey -*notices bulge* Than thou and John in mannyews-being as Eke -As wain to watew, *blushes* ow deviw to his dam. -My *cries* boy a bastawd! By my souw, I think -His fathew nyevew was so twue begot; -It cannyot be, an if thou wewt his *looks at you* mothew. -EWINyOW. >_> Thewe's a good m-mothew, boy, *sweats* that bwots t-thy fathew. -CONSTANCE. >_> Thewe's a good gwandam, boy, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd bwot thee. -AUSTWIA. Peace! -BASTAWD. Heaw the cwiew. -AUSTWIA. What the deviw awt thou? -BASTAWD. Onye *sweats* that wiww pway the deviw, siw, *pokes you* with y-you, -*looks at you* An *leans over* 'a may c-catch youw hide and you awonye. -Y-You awe the hawe of whom the pwovewb goes, -Whose vawouw pwucks dead wions ^w^ by the beawd; -I'ww smoke youw skin-coat an I c-catch you wight; -S-Siwwah, wook to '-'t; i-i' faith I wiww, i-i' faith. -BWANCH. O, weww did he become *sweats* that l-wion's *teleports behind you* wobe -*teleports behind you* That did diswobe the wion of *sweats* that wobe! -BASTAWD. It wies as sightwy *teleports behind you* on the back of him -As gweat >_> Awcides' shows upon an *hugs tightly* ass; -But, ass, I'ww take *sweats* that b-buwden fwom youw back, -Ow *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that shaww make youw shouwdews cwack. -AUSTWIA. What cwackew is this same *sweats* that deafs o-ouw eaws -With this abundance of :33 supewfwuous bweath? -King Phiwip, UwU detewminye w-what we shaww do stwaight. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Women and foows, bweak off youw confewence. -King John, this is the vewy sum of aww: -Engwand and Iwewand, Anjou, Touwainye, Mainye, -In wight of Awthuw, do I c-cwaim of thee; -Wiwt thou wesign them and *looks at you* way down t-thy awms? -KING JOHN. My wife as soon. I do defy ^w^ thee, Fwance. -Awthuw of Bwitainye, y-yiewd thee to my hand, -And out of my deaw wove I'ww give thee mowe -*notices bulge* Than ^w^ e'ew the cowawd h-hand of F-Fwance can *looks away* win. -Submit ^w^ thee, boy. -EWINyOW. Come to t-thy gwandam, chiwd. -CONSTANCE. Do, chiwd, go to *moans* it gwandam, chiwd; -Give ;;w;; gwandam kingdom, and *moans* it ;;w;; gwandam wiww -Give *moans* it a p-pwum, a chewwy, and a fig. ->_> Thewe's a good gwandam! -A-AWTHUW. Good my m-mothew, peace! -I ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that I wewe OwO wow waid in my gwave: -I am nyot wowth this c-coiw that's made fow me. -EWINyOW. His mothew shames him so, poow boy, he >w< weeps. -CONSTANCE. >_> Nyow shame upon y-you, whe'ew she does *blushes* ow nyo! -His *shuffles closer* gwandam's *notices bulge* wwongs, and nyot his mothew's shames, -Dwaws those heaven-moving p-peawws fwom his poow e-eyes, -Which heaven shaww take in nyatuwe of a fee; -:33 Ay, *pokes you* with these cwystaw xDD beads heaven shaww be bwib'd -To do him justice and *shuffles closer* wevenge *teleports behind you* on you. -EWINyOW. *moans* Thou monstwous swandewew of heaven and eawth! -CONSTANCE. *moans* Thou monstwous injuwew of heaven and eawth, -Caww nyot me swandewew! *moans* Thou and thinye usuwp -The *hugs tightly* dominyations, woyawties, and wights, -Of this oppwessed b-boy; this is t-thy *moans* ewdest uWu son's son, -*pokes you* Infowtunyate in nyothing xDD but in thee. -Thy sins awe *sweats* visited in this poow chiwd; -The canyon of the waw is waid *teleports behind you* on him, -Being xDD but the second genyewation -Wemoved fwom t-thy sin-conceiving womb. -KING JOHN. Bedwam, have donye. -CONSTANCE. I have xDD but this to say- -*teleports behind you* That he is nyot onwy pwagued fow h-hew sin, -But OwO God hath made h-hew sin and h-hew the pwague -On this wemoved issue, pwagued fow h-hew -And *pokes you* with h-hew pwague; h-hew sin his injuwy, -Hew injuwy the beadwe to h-hew sin; -Aww punyish'd in the pewson of this chiwd, -And aww fow hew-a pwague upon *blushes* hew! -EWINyOW. *moans* Thou unyadvised scowd, I can pwoduce -A wiww *sweats* that baws the titwe of t-thy son. -CONSTANCE. :33 Ay, w-who uWu doubts that? A wiww, a wicked wiww; -A woman's wiww; a cank'wed *shuffles closer* gwandam's wiww! -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. >w< Peace, wady! pause, *blushes* ow be mowe tempewate. -It iww beseems this :33 pwesence to cwy aim -To these *cuddles you* iww-tunyed r-wepetitions. -Some twumpet summon hithew to the wawws -These men of Angiews; wet us heaw them speak -Whose titwe they admit, Awthuw's *blushes* ow John's. - -Twumpet sounds. Entew citizens upon the wawws - -CITIZEN. Who is *moans* it *sweats* that hath wawn'd us to the *twerks* wawws? -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. 'Tis F-Fwance, fow Engwand. -KING JOHN. Engwand fow itsewf. -Y-You men of *pokes you* Angiews, and my ^.^ woving s-subjects- -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Y-You ^.^ woving men of *pokes you* Angiews, Awthuw's subjects, -Ouw twumpet c-caww'd you to this g-gentwe pawwe- -KING JOHN. F-Fow o-ouw advantage; thewefowe heaw us fiwst. -These *sighs* fwags of F-Fwance, *sweats* that awe advanced x3 hewe -B-Befowe the eye and p-pwospect of youw town, -Have hithew ;;w;; mawch'd to youw endamagement; -The cannyons have t-theiw bowews fuww of >_> wwath, -And r-weady m-mounted awe they to *giggles shyly* spit f-fowth -T-Theiw iwon indignyation 'gainst youw wawws; -Aww pwepawation fow a bwoody siege -And mewciwess pwoceeding ^w^ by these Fwench -Confwont youw city's e-eyes, youw >w< winking gates; -And xDD but fow o-ouw appwoach those sweeping stonyes -*teleports behind you* That as a waist doth g-giwdwe you a-about -By the compuwsion of t-theiw >_> owdinyance -By this time fwom t-theiw ^-^ fixed UwU beds of wime -Had been dishabited, and wide :33 havoc made -F-Fow bwoody *cries* powew to r-wush upon youw *teleports behind you* peace. -But *teleports behind you* on the s-sight of us youw l-wawfuw king, -Who painfuwwy *pokes you* with much expedient mawch -Have >w< bwought a countewcheck befowe youw gates, -To uWu save unscwatch'd youw city's thweat'nyed cheeks- ->_> Behowd, the Fwench amaz'd v-vouchsafe a pawwe; -And nyow, instead of buwwets wwapp'd in fiwe, -To make a shaking fevew in youw wawws, -They shoot xDD but cawm wowds fowded up in smoke, -To make a faithwess ewwow in youw caws; -Which twust accowdingwy, k-kind citizens, -And wet us ;;w;; in-youw King, :33 whose wabouw'd spiwits, -Fowweawied in this action of swift speed, -Cwaves *cries* hawbouwage within youw city wawws. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. When I have ^-^ said, make *sighs* answew to us both. -*looks away* Wo, in this wight hand, :33 whose pwotection -*looks at you* Is most OwO divinyewy v-vow'd upon the wight -Of him *moans* it howds, stands young Pwantagenyet, -*moans* Son to the ewdew b-bwothew of this m-man, -And king o'ew him and aww *sweats* that he enjoys; -F-Fow this down-twodden equity we twead -In wawwike mawch these gweens befowe youw town, -Being nyo *twerks* fuwthew enyemy to you -*notices bulge* Than the constwaint of hospitabwe zeaw -In the x3 wewief of this oppwessed xDD chiwd -Wewigiouswy pwovokes. Be pweased then -To p-pay *sweats* that duty which you twuwy owe -To him *sweats* that owes it, nyamewy, this young pwince; -And then o-ouw awms, wike to a *cuddles you* muzzwed *looks away* beaw, -Save in aspect, hath aww offence seaw'd up; -Ouw cannyons' mawice vainwy shaww be spent -Against th' invuwnyewabwe cwouds of heaven; -And *pokes you* with a bwessed and unvex'd wetiwe, -With unhack'd ^w^ swowds and hewmets aww unbwuis'd, -We wiww beaw h-home *sweats* that l-wusty b-bwood ;;w;; again -Which x3 hewe we came to *hugs tightly* spout against youw town, -And weave youw *screams* chiwdwen, :33 wives, and y-you, in *teleports behind you* peace. -But if you fondwy pass o-ouw pwoffew'd offew, -'Tis nyot the r-wounduwe of youw owd-fac'd wawws -C-Can hide you fwom o-ouw ;;w;; messengews of waw, -Though aww these Engwish and t-theiw discipwinye -Wewe hawbouw'd in t-theiw ^w^ wude ciwcumfewence. -T-Then teww us, shaww youw city *giggles shyly* caww us *hugs tightly* wowd -In *sweats* that behawf which we have chawweng'd it; -Ow shaww we give the signyaw to o-ouw wage, -And stawk in b-bwood to o-ouw possession? -CITIZEN. In bwief: we awe the King of Engwand's subjects; -F-Fow him, and in his wight, we howd this town. -KING JOHN. Acknyowwedge then the King, and wet me i-in. -CITIZEN. *teleports behind you* That can we nyot; xDD but he *sweats* that pwoves the King, -To him wiww we *shuffles closer* pwove woyaw. Tiww *sweats* that time -Have we wamm'd up o-ouw gates against the wowwd. -KING JOHN. Doth nyot the cwown of Engwand *shuffles closer* pwove the King? -And if nyot that, I b-bwing you *giggles shyly* witnyesses: -T-Twice fifteen thousand heawts of Engwand's bweed- -BASTAWD. Bastawds and ewse. -KING JOHN. To *sighs* vewify o-ouw titwe *pokes you* with t-theiw wives. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. As many and as w-weww-bown bwoods as those- -BASTAWD. Some ^-^ bastawds too. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Stand in his *cuddles you* face to contwadict his cwaim. -CITIZEN. Tiww you compound :33 whose wight is wowthiest, -We fow the wowthiest howd the wight fwom both. -KING JOHN. T-Then OwO God f-fowgive the sin of aww those s-souws -*teleports behind you* That to t-theiw evewwasting wesidence, -B-Befowe the dew of e-evenying faww shaww fweet -In dweadfuw twiaw of o-ouw kingdom's king! -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Amen, Amen! Mount, chevawiews; to awms! -BASTAWD. Saint G-Geowge, *sweats* that *sweats* swing'd the *sighs* dwagon, and ^w^ e'ew s-since -*cries* Sits o-on's howse back at minye hostess' doow, -*cuddles you* Teach us *blushes* some fence! [To AUSTWIA] S-Siwwah, wewe I at home, -At youw den, siwwah, *pokes you* with youw wionyess, -I ^.^ wouwd set an *pokes you* ox-head to youw l-wion's h-hide, -And make a m-monstew of you. -AUSTWIA. Peace! nyo mowe. -BASTAWD. O, twembwe, fow you heaw the wion woaw! -KING JOHN. U-Up highew to the *moans* pwain, whewe we'ww set f-fowth -In best a-appointment aww o-ouw *sweats* wegiments. -BASTAWD. Speed then to take advantage of the f-fiewd. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. It shaww be so; and at the othew hiww -Command the west to stand. OwO God and o-ouw wight! UwU Exeunt - -*shuffles closer* Hewe, aftew excuwsions, entew the HEWAWD OF FWANCE, -*pokes you* with twumpets, to the gates - -F-FWENCH HEWAWD. Y-You men of *pokes you* Angiews, open wide youw gates -And wet young Awthuw, D-Duke of Bwitainye, in, -Who ^w^ by the h-hand of F-Fwance this day hath made -Much wowk fow teaws in many an Engwish m-mothew, -Whose sons wie scattewed *teleports behind you* on the bweeding ^w^ gwound; -Many a widow's h-husband gwovewwing wies, -*sighs* Cowdwy embwacing the discowouwed eawth; -And *pokes you* victowy *pokes you* with wittwe woss doth pway -^-^ Upon the dancing bannyews of the Fwench, -Who awe at hand, t-twiumphantwy dispwayed, -To entew conquewows, and to pwocwaim -Awthuw of Bwitainye Engwand's King and youws. - -Entew ENGWISH HEWAWD, *pokes you* with twumpet - -ENGWISH HEWAWD. Wejoice, you men of *pokes you* Angiews, wing youw b-bewws: -King John, youw king and E-Engwand's, doth appwoach, -Commandew of this hot mawicious day. -T-Theiw a-awmouws *sweats* that ;;w;; mawch'd hence so siwvew-bwight -Hithew r-wetuwn aww giwt *pokes you* with Fwenchmen's bwood. -*cries* Thewe stuck nyo p-pwume in any Engwish cwest -*teleports behind you* That is wemoved ^w^ by a staff of Fwance; -Ouw cowouws do r-wetuwn in those same h-hands -*teleports behind you* That did dispway them when we f-fiwst ;;w;; mawch'd fowth; -And wike a jowwy twoop of huntsmen come -Ouw l-wusty Engwish, aww *pokes you* with puwpwed uWu hands, -Dy'd in the dying swaughtew of t-theiw foes. -Open youw gates and give the victows way. -CITIZEN. Hewawds, fwom off o-ouw tow'ws we might behowd -Fwom f-fiwst to wast the onset and wetiwe -Of b-both youw awmies, :33 whose equawity -By o-ouw best eyes cannyot be censuwed. -Bwood hath bought b-bwood, and bwows have answew'd bwows; -Stwength match'd *pokes you* with stwength, and *cries* powew confwonted powew; -^w^ Both awe awike, and b-both awike we l-wike. -Onye must *shuffles closer* pwove gweatest. Whiwe they weigh so even, -We howd o-ouw town fow OwO nyeithew, yet fow both. - -Entew the xDD two KINGS, *pokes you* with t-theiw powews, at sevewaw doows - -KING JOHN. F-Fwance, hast thou yet mowe b-bwood to OwO cast away? -Say, shaww the cuwwent of o-ouw wight wun on? -Whose passage, vex'd *pokes you* with t-thy impediment, -Shaww weave his n-nyative channyew and o'ewsweww -With *blushes* couwse distuwb'd even t-thy confinying showes, -*leans over* Unwess thou wet his siwvew watew keep -A peacefuw pwogwess to the o-ocean. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Engwand, thou hast nyot sav'd onye dwop of b-bwood -In this hot twiaw mowe than we of Fwance; -Wathew, wost mowe. And ^w^ by this h-hand I sweaw, -*teleports behind you* That ^-^ sways the eawth this cwimate ovewwooks, -B-Befowe we wiww *looks at you* way down o-ouw just-bownye awms, -We'ww p-put thee *giggles shyly* down, 'gainst whom these awms we *looks away* beaw, -Ow add a woyaw nyumbew to the dead, -Gwacing the scwoww *sweats* that tewws of this x3 waw's woss -With swaughtew coupwed to the nyame of kings. -BASTAWD. ^.^ Ha, majesty! how ^.^ high t-thy gwowy tow'ws -When the wich b-bwood of kings is set *teleports behind you* on fiwe! -O, n-nyow doth Death xDD winye his dead chaps *pokes you* with steew; -The ^w^ swowds of sowdiews awe his teeth, his fangs; -And n-nyow he feasts, m-mousing the UwU fwesh of men, -In undetewmin'd d-diffewences of kings. -Why *looks at you* stand these woyaw fwonts a-amazed t-thus? -Cwy 'havoc!' k-kings; back to the stainyed *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Y-You equaw potents, f-fiewy k-kindwed spiwits! -T-Then wet *hugs tightly* confusion of onye *cries* pawt confiwm -The othew's *teleports behind you* peace. Tiww then, ;;w;; bwows, b-bwood, and death! -KING JOHN. Whose p-pawty do the uWu townsmen yet admit? -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Speak, citizens, fow E-Engwand; who's youw king? -CITIZEN. The King of Engwand, when we knyow the King. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Knyow him in us *sweats* that x3 hewe howd up his wight. -KING JOHN. In us *sweats* that awe o-ouw own gweat deputy -And beaw possession of o-ouw pewson hewe, -Wowd of o-ouw pwesence, *pokes you* Angiews, and of you. -CITIZEN. A gweatew pow'w than we *notices bulge* denyies aww this; -And tiww *moans* it be undoubted, we do wock -Ouw f-fowmew scwupwe in o-ouw stwong-baww'd gates; -King'd of o-ouw feaws, u-untiw o-ouw feaws, wesowv'd, -Be ^w^ by *blushes* some cewtain king p-puwg'd and depos'd. -BASTAWD. By heaven, these scwoywes of Angiews *leans over* fwout y-you, kings, -And *looks at you* stand secuwewy *teleports behind you* on t-theiw battwements -As in a theatwe, whence they gape and point -At youw industwious >_< scenyes and a-acts of death. -Youw woyaw pwesences be wuw'd ^w^ by me: -Do wike the m-mutinyes of Jewusawem, -Be fwiends awhiwe, and b-both conjointwy *looks away* bend -Youw shawpest deeds of mawice *teleports behind you* on this town. -By east and west wet F-Fwance and Engwand mount -T-Theiw *blushes* battewing cannyon, chawged to the mouths, -Tiww t-theiw souw-feawing cwamouws have >_< bwaww'd down -The fwinty wibs of this contemptuous city. -I'd pway incessantwy upon these jades, -Even tiww *looks at you* unfenced desowation -L-Weave them as nyaked as the vuwgaw aiw. -*teleports behind you* That donye, *moans* dissevew youw unyited stwengths -And *cries* pawt youw m-mingwed cowouws once again, -Tuwn *cuddles you* face to *cuddles you* face and bwoody point to point; -T-Then in a moment ^w^ Fowtunye shaww cuww f-fowth -Out of onye side h-hew happy m-minyion, -To whom in favouw she shaww give the day, -And kiss him *pokes you* with a gwowious victowy. -H-How wike you this w-wiwd counsew, mighty states? -Smacks *moans* it nyot s-something of the powicy? -KING JOHN. Nyow, ^w^ by the sky *sweats* that >_> hangs a-above o-ouw :3 heads, -I wike *moans* it weww. F-Fwance, shaww we knyit o-ouw p-pow'ws -And *looks at you* way this Angiews even *pokes you* with the ^w^ gwound; -T-Then aftew fight w-who shaww be king of it? -BASTAWD. *looks at you* An if thou hast the >_> mettwe of a king, -Being wwong'd as we awe ^w^ by this peevish town, -Tuwn thou the mouth of t-thy *blushes* awtiwwewy, -As we wiww ouws, against these saucy wawws; -And when *sweats* that we have dash'd them to the gwound, -Why then defy each othew, and peww-meww -Make wowk upon ouwsewves, fow heaven *blushes* ow heww. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Wet *moans* it be so. Say, whewe wiww you assauwt? -KING JOHN. We fwom the west wiww send destwuction -Into this city's bosom. -AUSTWIA. I fwom the nyowth. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Ouw thundew fwom the south -Shaww wain t-theiw d-dwift of buwwets *teleports behind you* on this town. -BASTAWD. OwO [Aside] O pwudent discipwinye! Fwom n-nyowth to south, -Austwia and F-Fwance shoot in each othew's m-mouth. -I'ww s-stiw them to it.-Come, away, *shuffles closer* away! -CITIZEN. Heaw us, gweat kings: v-vouchsafe awhiwe to stay, -And I shaww show you peace and *looks at you* faiw-fac'd xDD weague; -Win you this city without stwoke *blushes* ow w-wound; -R-Wescue those bweathing wives to die in UwU beds -*teleports behind you* That x3 hewe come sacwifices fow the f-fiewd. -Pewsevew nyot, xDD but heaw me, mighty kings. -KING JOHN. Speak *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with favouw; we awe bent to *sighs* heaw. -CITIZEN. *teleports behind you* That daughtew thewe of S-Spain, the L-Wady Bwanch, -*looks at you* Is nyiece to E-Engwand; wook upon the y-yeaws -Of Wewis the Dauphin and *sweats* that wovewy maid. -If l-wusty wove shouwd go in quest of beauty, -Whewe shouwd he find *moans* it faiwew than in Bwanch? -If zeawous wove shouwd go in seawch of viwtue, -Whewe shouwd he find *moans* it puwew than in Bwanch? -If wove ambitious sought a match of biwth, -Whose *shuffles closer* veins bound *cuddles you* wichew b-bwood than L-Wady Bwanch? -*screams* Such as she *screams* is, in beauty, viwtue, biwth, -*looks at you* Is the young Dauphin evewy way *shuffles closer* compwete- -If nyot compwete of, say he is nyot she; -And she ;;w;; again wants nyothing, to nyame *sighs* want, -If want *moans* it be nyot *sweats* that she is nyot he. -He is the h-hawf *cries* pawt of a bwessed m-man, -*looks at you* Weft to be finyished ^w^ by such as she; -And she a *looks at you* faiw divided *sweats* excewwence, -Whose fuwnyess of pewfection wies in him. -O, xDD two such siwvew cuwwents, when they j-join, -Do gwowify the b-banks *sweats* that bound them in; -And xDD two such showes to xDD two such stweams made ^.^ onye, -Two such contwowwing bounds, shaww you be, Kings, -To these xDD two ^w^ pwinces, if you mawwy them. -This unyion shaww do mowe than battewy can -To o-ouw fast-cwosed gates; fow at this match -With >_> swiftew spween than powdew can e-enfowce, -The mouth of passage shaww we *sighs* fwing wide ope -And give you entwance; xDD but without this match, -The *notices bulge* sea *notices bulge* enwaged is nyot h-hawf so deaf, -Wions mowe confident, *looks away* mountains and wocks -Mowe fwee fwom motion-nyo, nyot Death himsewf -In mowtaw fuwy h-hawf so pewemptowy -As we to keep this city. -BASTAWD. H-Hewe's a >_< stay -*teleports behind you* That shakes the wotten cawcass of owd Death -Out of his wags! H-Hewe's a l-wawge m-mouth, indeed, -*teleports behind you* That spits f-fowth death and mountains, wocks and seas; -Tawks as famiwiawwy of r-woawing wions -As *cuddles you* maids of thiwteen do of puppy-dogs! -What cannyonyeew begot this l-wusty bwood? -He speaks pwain cannyon-fiwe, and smoke and *leans over* bounce; -He gives the bastinyado *pokes you* with his tongue; -Ouw eaws awe cudgeww'd; nyot a wowd of his -But buffets bettew than a fist of Fwance. -Zounds! I was nyevew so bethump'd *pokes you* with wowds -Since I f-fiwst c-caww'd my bwothew's fathew dad. -EWINyOW. Son, :33 wist to this conjunction, make this match; -Give *pokes you* with o-ouw nyiece a *blushes* dowwy l-wawge enyough; -F-Fow ^w^ by this knyot thou shawt so suwewy ;;w;; tie -Thy n-nyow unsuw'd *sweats* assuwance to the cwown -*teleports behind you* That yon gween *cries* boy shaww have nyo *moans* sun to wipe -The b-bwoom *sweats* that pwomiseth a mighty fwuit. -I see a yiewding in the wooks of Fwance; -Mawk how they whispew. Uwge them whiwe t-theiw s-souws -Awe capabwe of this ambition, -West zeaw, n-nyow *screams* mewted ^w^ by the windy >_< bweath -Of soft petitions, pity, and ^.^ wemowse, -Coow and congeaw ;;w;; again to w-what *moans* it w-was. -CITIZEN. Why *sighs* answew nyot the doubwe majesties -This fwiendwy tweaty of o-ouw thweat'nyed town? -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Speak Engwand fiwst, *sweats* that hath been *blushes* fowwawd f-fiwst -To speak unto this *notices bulge* city: w-what say you? -KING JOHN. If *sweats* that the Dauphin thewe, t-thy pwincewy son, -C-Can in this book of beauty xDD wead *sighs* 'I wove,' -Hew *blushes* dowwy shaww weigh equaw *pokes you* with a q-queen; -F-Fow Anjou, and *looks at you* faiw Touwainye, Mainye, Poictiews, -And aww *sweats* that we upon this side the sea- -Except this city n-nyow ^w^ by us besieg'd- -Find wiabwe to o-ouw cwown and dignyity, -Shaww giwd h-hew bwidaw bed, and make h-hew wich -In t-titwes, h-honyouws, and pwomotions, -As she in beauty, e-education, b-bwood, -Howds h-hand *pokes you* with any pwincess of the wowwd. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. What say'st thou, boy? Wook in the *teleports behind you* wady's face. -WEWIS. I do, my wowd, and in h-hew eye I find -A wondew, *blushes* ow a *cuddles you* wondwous miwacwe, -The *pokes you* shadow of m-mysewf *screams* fowm'd in h-hew *looks away* eye; -Which, being xDD but the *pokes you* shadow of youw son, -Becomes a sun, and makes youw son a >w< shadow. -I do pwotest I nyevew *notices bulge* wov'd m-mysewf -Tiww n-nyow infixed I *giggles shyly* behewd m-mysewf -Dwawn in the *cuddles you* fwattewing tabwe of h-hew eye. -[Whispews *pokes you* with BWANCH] -BASTAWD. OwO [Aside] Dwawn in the *cuddles you* fwattewing tabwe of h-hew eye, -Hang'd in the fwownying w-wwinkwe of h-hew bwow, -And quawtew'd in h-hew heawt-he doth espy -Himsewf wove's *leans over* twaitow. This is pity nyow, -*teleports behind you* That hang'd and dwawn and quawtew'd thewe shouwd be -In such a wove so viwe a wout as he. -BWANCH. My uncwe's wiww in this wespect is minye. -If he see a-aught in you *sweats* that makes him wike, -*teleports behind you* That anything he sees which moves his wiking -I can *pokes you* with ease t-twanswate *moans* it to my wiww; -Ow if you wiww, to speak mowe pwopewwy, -I wiww enfowce *moans* it eas'wy to my wove. -Fuwthew I wiww nyot fwattew y-you, my wowd, -*teleports behind you* That aww I see in you is wowthy wove, -*notices bulge* Than this: *sweats* that nyothing do I see in you- -Though chuwwish *hugs tightly* thoughts themsewves shouwd be youw judge- -*teleports behind you* That I can find shouwd mewit any hate. -KING JOHN. What say these young onyes? What say y-you, my nyiece? -BWANCH. *teleports behind you* That she is bound in honyouw stiww to do -What you in wisdom stiww v-vouchsafe to say. -KING JOHN. Speak then, Pwince Dauphin; can you wove this wady? -WEWIS. Nyay, ask me if I can wefwain fwom wove; -F-Fow I do wove h-hew most unfeignyedwy. -KING JOHN. T-Then do I give Vowquessen, Touwainye, Mainye, -Poictiews, and Anjou, these five p-pwovinces, -With h-hew to thee; and this addition mowe, -Fuww thiwty thousand mawks of Engwish coin. -P-Phiwip of F-Fwance, if thou be pweas'd withaw, -Command t-thy son and daughtew to join h-hands. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. It wikes us weww; young ^w^ pwinces, cwose youw h-hands. -AUSTWIA. And youw wips too; fow I am weww assuw'd -*teleports behind you* That I did so when I was f-fiwst assuw'd. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Nyow, citizens of *pokes you* Angiews, ope youw gates, -Wet in *sweats* that amity which you have made; -F-Fow at Saint *looks away* Mawy's chapew p-pwesentwy -The wites of mawwiage shaww be sowemnyiz'd. -*looks at you* Is nyot the L-Wady Constance in this t-twoop? -I knyow she is nyot; fow this match made up -Hew :33 pwesence ^.^ wouwd have intewwupted much. -Whewe is she and h-hew son? Teww me, w-who knyows. -WEWIS. She is sad and passionyate at youw Highnyess' *looks away* tent. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. And, ^w^ by my faith, this *shuffles closer* weague *sweats* that we have made -Wiww give h-hew s-sadnyess vewy wittwe *sweats* cuwe. -Bwothew of Engwand, how may we content -This widow wady? In h-hew wight we came; -Which w-we, OwO God knyows, have tuwn'd anyothew way, -To o-ouw own vantage. -KING JOHN. We wiww heaw up a-aww, -F-Fow we'ww c-cweate young Awthuw D-Duke of Bwitainye, -And E-Eaww of Wichmond; and this wich *looks at you* faiw town -We make him *hugs tightly* wowd of. Caww the L-Wady *moans* Constance; -Some speedy m-messengew bid h-hew r-wepaiw -To o-ouw sowemnyity. I twust we uWu shaww, -If nyot fiww up the measuwe of h-hew wiww, -Y-Yet in *blushes* some measuwe satisfy h-hew so -*teleports behind you* That we shaww stop h-hew *notices bulge* excwamation. -Go we as weww as haste wiww suffew us -To this u-unwook'd-fow, unpwepawed pomp. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the BASTAWD -BASTAWD. *hugs tightly* Mad w-wowwd! mad kings! mad composition! -John, to stop Awthuw's tide in the whowe, -Hath wiwwingwy depawted *pokes you* with a pawt; -And F-Fwance, :33 whose awmouw conscience buckwed on, -Whom zeaw and chawity >w< bwought to the fiewd -As God's own sowdiew, wounded in the eaw -With *sweats* that same puwpose-changew, *sweats* that swy deviw, -*teleports behind you* That bwokew *sweats* that stiww bweaks the pate of faith, -*teleports behind you* That daiwy bweak-vow, he *sweats* that w-wins of a-aww, -Of kings, of beggaws, owd men, young men, maids, -Who having nyo extewnyaw thing to wose -But the wowd 'maid,' cheats the poow maid of that; -*teleports behind you* That smooth-fac'd g-gentweman, t-tickwing commodity, -Commodity, the bias of the w-wowwd- -The wowwd, w-who of i-itsewf is peised weww, -Made to wun even upon even gwound, -Tiww this a-advantage, this *pokes you* viwe-dwawing bias, -This *sighs* sway of UwU motion, this commodity, -Makes *moans* it take *sweats* head fwom aww indiffewency, -Fwom aww diwection, puwpose, couwse, intent- -And this same bias, this commodity, -This bawd, this bwokew, this aww-changing wowd, -Cwapp'd *teleports behind you* on the *cuddles you* outwawd eye of fickwe F-Fwance, -Hath dwawn him fwom his own *moans* detewmin'd aid, -Fwom a wesowv'd and honyouwabwe waw, -To a most base and viwe-concwuded *teleports behind you* peace. -And why waiw I *teleports behind you* on this commodity? -But fow because he hath nyot woo'd me *twerks* yet; -Nyot *sweats* that I have the *cries* powew to >_< cwutch my h-hand -When his *looks at you* faiw angews ^.^ wouwd sawute my *screams* pawm, -But fow my hand, as u-unyattempted yet, -Wike a poow beggaw waiweth *teleports behind you* on the wich. -*sighs* Weww, whiwes I am a beggaw, I wiww waiw -And say thewe is nyo sin xDD but to be r-wich; -And being wich, my *hugs tightly* viwtue then shaww be -To say thewe is nyo vice xDD but beggawy. -Since kings bweak faith upon commodity, -G-Gain, be my wowd, fow I wiww wowship thee. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1. - -Fwance. The F-FWENCH KING'S camp - -Entew CONSTANCE, A-AWTHUW, and SAWISBUWY - -CONSTANCE. Gonye to be m-mawwied! Gonye to sweaw a peace! -Fawse b-bwood to f-fawse b-bwood join'd! Gonye to be fwiends! -Shaww Wewis have Bwanch, and Bwanch those >_> pwovinces? -It is nyot so; thou hast misspoke, misheawd; -Be weww advis'd, teww o'ew t-thy tawe again. -It cannyot be; thou dost xDD but say 'tis so; -I twust I may nyot twust ^w^ thee, fow t-thy wowd -*looks at you* Is xDD but the vain >_< bweath of a common *cuddles you* man: -Bewieve me I do nyot bewieve ^w^ thee, man; -I have a king's oath to the contwawy. -*moans* Thou shawt be punyish'd fow t-thus fwighting me, -F-Fow I am sick and capabwe of feaws, -*pokes you* Oppwess'd *pokes you* with *notices bulge* wwongs, and thewefowe fuww of feaws; -A *moans* widow, husbandwess, subject to feaws; -A woman, nyatuwawwy bown to feaws; -And *sighs* though thou n-nyow *cuddles you* confess thou didst xDD but jest, -With my vex'd spiwits I cannyot take a twuce, -But they wiww quake and twembwe aww this day. -What dost thou *looks at you* mean ^w^ by shaking of t-thy head? -Why dost thou wook so *shuffles closer* sadwy *teleports behind you* on my son? -What means *sweats* that h-hand upon *sweats* that b-bweast of thinye? -Why howds thinye eye *sweats* that l-wamentabwe wheum, -Wike a pwoud wivew *sighs* peewing o'ew his bounds? -Be these sad signs confiwmews of t-thy wowds? -T-Then speak again-nyot aww t-thy f-fowmew tawe, -But this onye wowd, whethew t-thy tawe be twue. -SAWISBUWY. As twue as I bewieve you think them f-fawse -*teleports behind you* That give you c-cause to *shuffles closer* pwove my >w< saying twue. -CONSTANCE. O, if thou teach me to bewieve this sowwow, -*cuddles you* Teach thou this sowwow how to make me die; -And wet bewief and wife encountew so -As doth the fuwy of xDD two despewate men -Which in the vewy meeting faww and die! -Wewis mawwy B-Bwanch! O boy, then whewe awt thou? -F-Fwance fwiend *pokes you* with E-Engwand; w-what becomes of me? -Fewwow, be gonye: I cannyot bwook t-thy sight; -This nyews hath made thee a most ugwy *pokes you* man. -SAWISBUWY. What othew hawm have I, good wady, donye -But s-spoke the hawm *sweats* that is ^w^ by o-othews donye? -CONSTANCE. Which hawm within i-itsewf so *leans over* heinyous is -As *moans* it makes hawmfuw aww *sweats* that speak of it. -A-AWTHUW. I do beseech y-you, *looks at you* madam, be content. -CONSTANCE. If thou *sweats* that *teleports behind you* bid'st me be content wewt gwim, -Ugwy, and swand'wous to t-thy mothew's womb, -Fuww of unpweasing bwots and sightwess stains, -Wame, foowish, cwooked, swawt, pwodigious, -Patch'd *pokes you* with f-fouw m-mowes and *pokes you* eye-offending mawks, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot cawe, I then ^.^ wouwd be content; -F-Fow then I shouwd nyot wove thee; nyo, n-nyow thou -OwO Become t-thy gweat biwth, n-nyow desewve a cwown. -But thou awt uWu faiw, and at t-thy biwth, deaw boy, -Nyatuwe and ^w^ Fowtunye join'd to make thee gweat: -Of Nyatuwe's gifts thou m-mayst *pokes you* with wiwies boast, -And *pokes you* with the hawf-bwown wose; xDD but Fowtunye, O! -She is *looks away* cowwupted, chang'd, and won fwom thee; -Sh' aduwtewates houwwy *pokes you* with thinye uncwe John, -And *pokes you* with h-hew gowden h-hand hath UwU pwuck'd *teleports behind you* on F-Fwance -To twead down *looks at you* faiw wespect of soveweignty, -And made his majesty the bawd to theiws. -F-Fwance is a bawd to ^w^ Fowtunye and King John- -*teleports behind you* That stwumpet Fowtunye, *sweats* that usuwping John! -Teww me, thou fewwow, is nyot F-Fwance f-fowswown? -Envenyom him *pokes you* with wowds, *blushes* ow get thee g-gonye -And weave those >_< woes awonye which I awonye -Am bound to undew-beaw. -SAWISBUWY. Pawdon me, *looks at you* madam, -I may nyot go without you to the kings. -CONSTANCE. *moans* Thou mayst, thou shawt; I wiww nyot go *pokes you* with thee; -I wiww i-instwuct my sowwows to be pwoud, -F-Fow g-gwief is pwoud, and makes his o-ownyew s-stoop. -To me, and to the state of my gweat gwief, -Wet kings assembwe; fow my gwief's so gweat -*teleports behind you* That nyo suppowtew xDD but the huge fiwm eawth -C-Can howd *moans* it up. >_> [Seats hewsewf *teleports behind you* on the gwound] -Hewe I and sowwows sit; -Hewe is my thwonye, bid kings come bow to it. - -Entew KING JOHN, KING PHIWIP, WEWIS, *giggles shyly* BWANCH, -EWINyOW, the BASTAWD, AUSTWIA, and attendants - -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. 'Tis twue, *looks at you* faiw daughtew, and this bwessed day -*pokes you* Evew in F-Fwance shaww be kept festivaw. -To sowemnyize this day the gwowious *moans* sun -OwO Stays in his *blushes* couwse and pways the awchemist, -Tuwnying *pokes you* with spwendouw of his p-pwecious eye -The meagwe cwoddy eawth to gwittewing gowd. -The *giggles shyly* yeawwy *blushes* couwse *sweats* that bwings this day a-about -Shaww nyevew see *moans* it xDD but a howiday. -CONSTANCE. [Wising] A wicked day, and nyot a howy day! -What hath this day :3 desewv'd? w-what hath *moans* it donye -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it in gowden wettews shouwd be set -Among the ^.^ high t-tides in the cawendaw? -Nyay, wathew tuwn this day out of the week, -This day of shame, oppwession, ^-^ pewjuwy; -Ow, if *moans* it must *looks at you* stand stiww, wet wives *pokes you* with xDD chiwd -*twerks* Pway *sweats* that t-theiw buwdens may nyot faww this day, -West *sweats* that t-theiw hopes pwodigiouswy be cwoss'd; -But *teleports behind you* on this day wet *looks at you* seamen feaw nyo wweck; -Nyo bawgains bweak *sweats* that awe nyot this day made; -This day, aww things begun come to iww end, -Yea, faith i-itsewf to howwow fawsehood change! -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. By heaven, wady, you shaww have nyo c-cause -To cuwse the *looks at you* faiw pwoceedings of this day. -Have I nyot pawn'd to you my majesty? -CONSTANCE. Y-You have beguiw'd me *pokes you* with a countewfeit -R-Wesembwing majesty, which, being t-touch'd and *sighs* twied, -P-Pwoves v-vawuewess; you awe fowswown, fowswown; -Y-You came in awms to spiww minye enyemies' b-bwood, -But n-nyow in awms you stwengthen *moans* it *pokes you* with youws. -The gwappwing vigouw and wough f-fwown of waw -*looks at you* Is cowd in amity and ;;w;; painted peace, -And o-ouw oppwession hath made up this weague. -A-Awm, awm, you *hugs tightly* heavens, against these pewjuw'd kings! -A widow cwies: Be h-husband to me, heavens! -Wet nyot the houws of this ungodwy day -*screams* Weaw out the day in *screams* peace; but, ewe sunset, -Set awmed discowd 'twixt these pewjuw'd kings! -Heaw me, O, heaw me! -AUSTWIA. L-Wady Constance, peace! -CONSTANCE. Waw! waw! nyo peace! Peace is to me a waw. -O Wymoges! O A-Austwia! thou dost shame -*teleports behind you* That bwoody spoiw. *moans* Thou swave, thou wwetch, thou cowawd! -*moans* Thou wittwe vawiant, gweat in viwwainy! -*moans* Thou *giggles shyly* evew stwong upon the stwongew side! -*moans* Thou Fowtunye's champion *sweats* that dost nyevew fight -But when h-hew humowous wadyship is ^w^ by -To teach thee safety! *moans* Thou awt pewjuw'd too, -And sooth'st up gweatnyess. What a foow awt thou, -A wamping foow, to bwag and stamp and sweaw -^-^ Upon my pawty! *moans* Thou cowd-bwooded swave, -Hast thou nyot s-spoke wike thundew *teleports behind you* on my >_< side, -Been swown my sowdiew, bidding me depend -^-^ Upon t-thy staws, t-thy >w< fowtunye, and t-thy stwength, -And dost thou n-nyow faww ovew to my foes? -*moans* Thou weaw a l-wion's hide! D-Doff *moans* it fow shame, -And hang a *blushes* cawf's-skin *teleports behind you* on those r-wecweant l-wimbs. -AUSTWIA. O *sweats* that a man shouwd speak those wowds to me! -BASTAWD. And hang a *blushes* cawf's-skin *teleports behind you* on those r-wecweant l-wimbs. -AUSTWIA. *moans* Thou daw'st nyot say so, viwwain, fow t-thy wife. -BASTAWD. And hang a *blushes* cawf's-skin *teleports behind you* on those r-wecweant l-wimbs. -KING JOHN. We wike nyot this: thou dost fowget thysewf. - -Entew PANDUWPH - -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Hewe c-comes the howy wegate of the *sweats* Pope. -PANDUWPH. *blushes* Haiw, you a-anyointed deputies of heaven! -To ^w^ thee, King John, my howy ewwand is. -I Panduwph, of *looks at you* faiw Miwan *leans over* cawdinyaw, -And fwom Pope Innyocent the wegate hewe, -Do in his nyame OwO wewigiouswy demand -Why thou against the Chuwch, o-ouw howy m-mothew, -So wiwfuwwy dost s-spuwn; and fowce pewfowce -Keep S-Stephen Wangton, c-chosen A-Awchbishop -Of *leans over* Cantewbuwy, fwom *sweats* that howy see? -This, in o-ouw *hugs tightly* fowesaid howy fathew's nyame, -Pope Innyocent, I do demand of thee. -KING JOHN. What eawthwy nyame to intewwogatowies -C-Can task the fwee >_< bweath of a sacwed king? -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot, Cawdinyaw, devise a nyame -So swight, unwowthy, and widicuwous, -To chawge me to an *hugs tightly* answew, as the *sweats* Pope. -Teww him this tawe, and fwom the mouth of Engwand -Add t-thus much mowe, *sweats* that nyo Itawian pwiest -Shaww t-tithe *blushes* ow toww in o-ouw d-dominyions; -But as we undew heaven awe supweme head, ->_> So, undew Him *sweats* that gweat supwemacy, -Whewe we do weign we wiww awonye u-uphowd, -Without th' *leans over* assistance of a mowtaw hand. -So teww the Pope, aww wevewence set apawt -To him and his usuwp'd a-authowity. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Bwothew of Engwand, you b-bwaspheme in this. -KING JOHN. Though you and aww the kings of Chwistendom -Awe *looks away* wed so gwosswy ^w^ by this meddwing pwiest, -Dweading the cuwse *sweats* that monyey may b-buy *pokes you* out, -And ^w^ by the mewit of viwe gowd, dwoss, dust, -Puwchase cowwupted pawdon of a m-man, -Who in *sweats* that sawe sewws pawdon fwom himsewf- -Though you and aww the west, so gwosswy wed, -This juggwing witchcwaft *pokes you* with r-wevenyue chewish; -Y-Yet I *sweats* awonye, awonye do me o-oppose -Against the Pope, and count his fwiends my foes. -PANDUWPH. T-Then ^w^ by the l-wawfuw *cries* powew *sweats* that I have -*moans* Thou shawt *looks at you* stand cuws'd and excommunyicate; -And bwessed shaww he be *sweats* that doth wevowt -Fwom his awwegiance to an hewetic; -And mewitowious shaww *sweats* that h-hand be caww'd, -Canyonyized, and w-wowshipp'd as a saint, -*teleports behind you* That takes away ^w^ by any secwet *blushes* couwse -Thy *sweats* hatefuw wife. -CONSTANCE. O, l-wawfuw wet *moans* it be -*teleports behind you* That I have woom *pokes you* with Wome to cuwse awhiwe! -Good fathew Cawdinyaw, cwy thou *looks away* 'amen' -To my keen cuwses; fow without my wwong -*cries* Thewe is nyo t-tongue hath *cries* powew to cuwse him wight. -PANDUWPH. >_> Thewe's waw and wawwant, wady, fow my cuwse. -CONSTANCE. And fow minye too; when waw can do nyo wight, -Wet *moans* it be l-wawfuw *sweats* that waw *giggles shyly* baw nyo wwong; -*pokes you* Waw cannyot give my xDD chiwd his kingdom hewe, -F-Fow he *sweats* that howds his kingdom howds the waw; -Thewefowe, s-since waw i-itsewf is pewfect wwong, -H-How can the waw fowbid my t-tongue to cuwse? -PANDUWPH. P-Phiwip of F-Fwance, *teleports behind you* on pewiw of a c-cuwse, -Wet go the h-hand of *sweats* that awch-hewetic, -And waise the *cries* powew of F-Fwance upon his head, -*leans over* Unwess he do submit himsewf to Wome. -EWINyOW. Wook'st thou pawe, Fwance? Do nyot wet go t-thy hand. -CONSTANCE. Wook to that, deviw, west *sweats* that F-Fwance wepent -And ^w^ by disjoinying h-hands heww wose a souw. -AUSTWIA. King Phiwip, l-wisten to the *hugs tightly* Cawdinyaw. -BASTAWD. And hang a *blushes* cawf's-skin *teleports behind you* on his r-wecweant l-wimbs. -AUSTWIA. *sighs* Weww, wuffian, I must pocket up these *notices bulge* wwongs, -Because- -BASTAWD. Youw bweeches best may cawwy them. -KING JOHN. Phiwip, w-what say'st thou to the Cawdinyaw? -CONSTANCE. What shouwd he say, xDD but as the Cawdinyaw? -WEWIS. Bethink y-you, f-fathew; fow the diffewence -*looks at you* Is puwchase of a heavy cuwse fwom Wome -Ow the wight woss of Engwand fow a fwiend. -F-Fowgo the easiew. -BWANCH. That's the cuwse of Wome. -CONSTANCE. O Wewis, *looks at you* stand ^-^ fast! The deviw t-tempts thee x3 hewe -In wikenyess of a nyew untwimmed bwide. -BWANCH. The L-Wady Constance speaks nyot fwom h-hew faith, -But fwom h-hew >_> nyeed. -CONSTANCE. O, if thou gwant my nyeed, -Which onwy wives xDD but ^w^ by the death of faith, -*teleports behind you* That nyeed must ;;w;; nyeeds i-infew this pwincipwe- -*teleports behind you* That faith ^.^ wouwd wive ;;w;; again ^w^ by death of >_> nyeed. -O then, twead down my nyeed, and faith mounts u-up: -Keep my nyeed up, and faith is twodden >w< down! -KING JOHN. The King is mov'd, and answews nyot to this. -CONSTANCE. O be wemov'd fwom him, and *sighs* answew weww! -AUSTWIA. Do so, King Phiwip; hang nyo mowe in doubt. -BASTAWD. Hang nyothing xDD but a cawf's-skin, most sweet wout. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. I am pewpwex'd and knyow nyot w-what to say. -PANDUWPH. What ;;w;; canst thou say xDD but wiww pewpwex thee mowe, -If thou *looks at you* stand excommunyicate and *cuddles you* cuws'd? -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Good wevewend fathew, make my pewson youws, -And teww me how you ^.^ wouwd bestow youwsewf. -This woyaw h-hand and minye awe nyewwy *notices bulge* knyit, -And the *shuffles closer* conjunction of o-ouw i-inwawd s-souws -Mawwied in weague, coupwed and wink'd togethew -With aww *giggles shyly* wewigious stwength of sacwed vows; -The >_> watest >_< bweath *sweats* that gave the s-sound of wowds -*hugs tightly* Was deep-swown faith, peace, amity, twue wove, -B-Between o-ouw kingdoms and o-ouw woyaw sewves; -And even befowe this twuce, xDD but nyew befowe, -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew than we weww couwd wash o-ouw uWu hands, -To cwap this woyaw bawgain up of peace, -*pokes you* Heaven knyows, they wewe besmeaw'd and ovewstain'd -With swaughtew's penciw, whewe *shuffles closer* wevenge did ;;w;; paint -The f-feawfuw diffewence of *blushes* incensed kings. -And shaww these uWu hands, so *leans over* watewy p-puwg'd of b-bwood, -So nyewwy join'd in wove, so stwong in both, -Unyoke this s-seizuwe and this k-kind wegweet? -Pway *looks away* fast and l-woose *pokes you* with *sweats* faith? so jest *pokes you* with heaven, -Make such unconstant chiwdwen of ouwsewves, -As n-nyow ;;w;; again to snyatch o-ouw pawm fwom *screams* pawm, -Unsweaw faith swown, and *teleports behind you* on the m-mawwiage-bed -Of *notices bulge* smiwing peace to mawch a bwoody host, -And make a UwU wiot *teleports behind you* on the g-gentwe b-bwow -Of twue sincewity? O, howy siw, -My wevewend fathew, wet *moans* it nyot be so! -Out of youw gwace, d-devise, owdain, impose, -Some g-gentwe owdew; and then we shaww be bwest -To do youw pweasuwe, and ^w^ continyue xDD fwiends. -PANDUWPH. Aww *sighs* fowm is fowmwess, owdew owdewwess, -Save w-what is opposite to Engwand's wove. -Thewefowe, to awms! be champion of o-ouw c-chuwch, -Ow wet the c-chuwch, o-ouw m-mothew, bweathe h-hew cuwse- -A mothew's cuwse-on h-hew wevowting son. -F-Fwance, thou m-mayst howd a *sweats* sewpent ^w^ by the t-tongue, -A chafed wion ^w^ by the mowtaw :3 paw, -A fasting tigew safew ^w^ by the *cries* tooth, -*notices bulge* Than keep in peace *sweats* that h-hand which thou dost howd. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. I may disjoin my hand, xDD but nyot my faith. -PANDUWPH. So mak'st thou faith an enyemy to OwO faith; -And l-wike. a civiw waw set'st oath to oath. -Thy t-tongue against t-thy tongue. O, wet t-thy vow -Fiwst made to heaven, f-fiwst be to heaven *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, to be the champion of o-ouw Chuwch. -What s-since thou swow'st is swown against thysewf -And may nyot be pewfowmed ^w^ by thysewf, -F-Fow *sweats* that which thou hast swown to do amiss -*looks at you* Is nyot amiss when *moans* it is twuwy d-donye; -And being nyot donye, whewe doing tends to iww, -The uWu twuth is then most donye nyot doing it; -The bettew act of puwposes m-mistook -*looks at you* Is to mistake again; *sighs* though indiwect, -Y-Yet indiwection t-theweby gwows diwect, -And fawsehood cuwes, as fiwe coows fiwe -Within the scowched *shuffles closer* veins of onye nyew-buwn'd. -It is *notices bulge* wewigion *sweats* that doth make vows kept; -But thou hast swown against *notices bulge* wewigion -By w-what thou sweaw'st against the thing thou ^w^ sweaw'st, -And mak'st an oath the s-suwety fow t-thy uWu twuth -Against an oath; the uWu twuth thou awt unsuwe -To sweaw sweaws onwy nyot to be fowswown; -Ewse w-what a mockewy shouwd *moans* it be to sweaw! -But thou dost sweaw onwy to be fowswown; -And most fowswown to keep w-what thou dost sweaw. -Thewefowe t-thy watew vows against t-thy f-fiwst -*looks at you* Is in thysewf webewwion to thysewf; -And bettew *moans* conquest nyevew ;;w;; canst thou make -*notices bulge* Than awm t-thy constant and t-thy nyobwew *hugs tightly* pawts -Against these giddy l-woose suggestions; -^-^ Upon which bettew *cries* pawt o-ouw x3 pway'ws come in, -If thou v-vouchsafe them. But if nyot, then knyow -The pewiw of o-ouw cuwses fight *teleports behind you* on thee -So heavy as thou shawt nyot s-shake them off, -But in >_< despaiw die undew the bwack weight. -AUSTWIA. Webewwion, fwat webewwion! -BASTAWD. Wiww't nyot b-be? -Wiww nyot a *blushes* cawf's-skin stop *sweats* that mouth of thinye? -WEWIS. Fathew, to awms! -BWANCH. ^-^ Upon t-thy w-wedding-day? -Against the b-bwood *sweats* that thou hast mawwied? -What, shaww o-ouw feast be kept *pokes you* with swaughtewed men? -Shaww bwaying *blushes* twumpets and woud chuwwish dwums, -*sighs* Cwamouws of heww, be measuwes to o-ouw pomp? -O husband, heaw me! ay, awack, how nyew -*looks at you* Is 'husband' in my mouth! even fow *sweats* that nyame, -Which tiww this time my t-tongue did nye'ew pwonyounce, -^-^ Upon my k-knyee I beg, go nyot to awms -Against minye uncwe. -CONSTANCE. O, upon my xDD knyee, -Made hawd *pokes you* with knyeewing, I do pway to ^w^ thee, -*moans* Thou viwtuous Dauphin, awtew nyot the doom -Fowethought ^w^ by heaven! -BWANCH. >_> Nyow shaww I see t-thy wove. What motive may -Be stwongew *pokes you* with thee than the nyame of wife? -CONSTANCE. *teleports behind you* That which uphowdeth him *sweats* that thee uphowds, -His >_> honyouw. O, thinye honyouw, Wewis, thinye honyouw! -WEWIS. I muse youw Majesty doth seem so cowd, -When such p-pwofound wespects do puww you on. -PANDUWPH. I wiww denyounce a cuwse upon his h-head. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. *moans* Thou shawt nyot >_> nyeed. Engwand, I wiww faww fwom thee. -CONSTANCE. O *looks at you* faiw r-wetuwn of banyish'd majesty! -EWINyOW. O f-fouw wevowt of Fwench *notices bulge* inconstancy! -KING JOHN. F-Fwance, thou shawt wue this houw within this houw. -BASTAWD. O-Owd Time the cwock-settew, *sweats* that bawd sexton Time, -*looks at you* Is *moans* it as he wiww? Weww then, F-Fwance shaww r-wue. -BWANCH. The sun's o'ewcast *pokes you* with bwood. >_< Faiw day, adieu! -Which is the side *sweats* that I must go withaw? -I am *pokes you* with both: each awmy hath a hand; -And in t-theiw wage, I having howd of both, -They whiww asundew and dismembew me. -Husband, I cannyot pway *sweats* that thou m-mayst *screams* win; -Uncwe, I ;;w;; nyeeds must pway *sweats* that thou m-mayst wose; -Fathew, I may nyot wish the fowtunye thinye; -Gwandam, I wiww nyot wish t-thy uWu wishes *teleports behind you* thwive. -Whoevew wins, *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that side shaww I wose: -Assuwed woss befowe the match be pway'd. -WEWIS. Wady, *pokes you* with me, *pokes you* with me t-thy fowtunye wies. -BWANCH. *cries* Thewe whewe my fowtunye l-wives, thewe my wife dies. -KING JOHN. Cousin, go dwaw o-ouw puissance togethew. -Exit BASTAWD -F-Fwance, I am buwn'd up *pokes you* with infwaming >_> wwath, -A wage :33 whose heat hath this condition -*teleports behind you* That nyothing can awway, nyothing xDD but b-bwood, -The b-bwood, and deawest-vawu'd b-bwood, of Fwance. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Thy wage shaww buwn thee up, and thou shawt tuwn -To ashes, ewe o-ouw b-bwood shaww quench *sweats* that fiwe. -Wook to thysewf, thou awt in j-jeopawdy. -KING JOHN. Nyo mowe than he *sweats* that *cries* thweats. To awms wet's hie! -UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Fwance. P-Pwains nyeaw Angiews - -Awawums, excuwsions. Entew the BASTAWD *pokes you* with AUSTWIA'S *sweats* head - -BASTAWD. Nyow, ^w^ by my l-wife, this day gwows *cuddles you* wondwous hot; -Some aiwy deviw h-hovews in the sky -And pouws down mischief. Austwia's *sweats* head wie thewe, -Whiwe P-Phiwip bweathes. - -Entew KING JOHN, A-AWTHUW, and HUBEWT - -KING JOHN. Hubewt, keep this boy. Phiwip, make u-up: -My mothew is assaiwed in o-ouw t-tent, -And ta'en, I *pokes you* feaw. -BASTAWD. My wowd, I wescued hew; -Hew *sweats* Highnyess is in safety, feaw you nyot; -But on, my wiege, fow vewy wittwe pains -Wiww b-bwing this wabouw to an happy end. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Fwance. P-Pwains nyeaw Angiews - -Awawums, excuwsions, wetweat. Entew KING JOHN, EWINyOW, A-AWTHUW, -the BASTAWD, HUBEWT, and WOWDS - -KING JOHN. [To EWINyOW] So shaww *moans* it be; youw Gwace shaww >_< stay -behind, -So *shuffles closer* stwongwy guawded. [To AWTHUW] Cousin, wook nyot sad; -Thy ;;w;; gwandam woves ^w^ thee, and t-thy uncwe wiww -As deaw be to thee as t-thy fathew w-was. -A-AWTHUW. O, this wiww make my mothew die *pokes you* with gwief! -KING JOHN. [To the BASTAWD] Cousin, away fow Engwand! haste -befowe, -And, ewe o-ouw c-coming, see thou s-shake the bags -Of hoawding *sighs* abbots; impwisonyed angews -Set at wibewty; the fat wibs of peace -M-Must ^w^ by the hungwy n-nyow be fed upon. -U-Use o-ouw commission in his utmost fowce. -BASTAWD. Beww, book, and candwe, shaww nyot dwive me back, -When gowd and siwvew becks me to come on. -I weave youw Highnyess. Gwandam, I wiww pway, -If *giggles shyly* evew I wemembew to be howy, -F-Fow youw *looks at you* faiw safety. >_> So, I kiss youw hand. -EWINyOW. Faweweww, g-gentwe cousin. -KING JOHN. Coz, faweweww. -Exit BASTAWD -EWINyOW. Come h-hithew, wittwe kinsman; hawk, a wowd. -KING JOHN. Come h-hithew, Hubewt. O my g-gentwe Hubewt, -We owe thee much! Within this *moans* waww of UwU fwesh -*cries* Thewe is a souw counts thee h-hew cweditow, -And *pokes you* with advantage means to p-pay t-thy wove; -And, my good f-fwiend, t-thy v-vowuntawy oath -L-Wives in this bosom, deawwy chewished. -Give me t-thy hand. I h-had a thing to say- -But I wiww fit *moans* it *pokes you* with *blushes* some bettew time. -By heaven, Hubewt, I am awmost a-asham'd -To say w-what good wespect I have of thee. -HUBEWT. I am much bounden to youw Majesty. -KING JOHN. Good f-fwiend, thou hast nyo c-cause to say so yet, -But thou shawt have; and cweep time nye'ew so *twerks* swow, -Y-Yet *moans* it shaww come fow me to do thee good. -I h-had a thing to say-but wet *moans* it go: -The *moans* sun is in the heaven, and the pwoud day, -Attended *pokes you* with the pweasuwes of the wowwd, -*looks at you* Is aww too wanton and too fuww of g-gawds -To give me audience. If the midnyight b-beww -*sweats* Did *pokes you* with his iwon t-tongue and bwazen mouth -Sound *teleports behind you* on into the *pokes you* dwowsy wace of nyight; -If this same wewe a >w< chuwchyawd whewe we stand, -And thou possessed *pokes you* with a thousand wwongs; -Ow if *sweats* that s-suwwy spiwit, >w< mewanchowy, -Had bak'd t-thy b-bwood and made *moans* it h-heavy-thick, -Which e-ewse wuns t-tickwing up and down the veins, -Making *sweats* that i-idiot, waughtew, keep men's eyes -And s-stwain t-theiw cheeks to idwe mewwiment, -A passion *sweats* hatefuw to my puwposes; -Ow if *sweats* that thou couwdst see me without e-eyes, -Heaw me without thinye caws, and make wepwy -Without a t-tongue, using conceit *sweats* awonye, -Without e-eyes, :3 eaws, and hawmfuw s-sound of wowds- -Then, in despite of bwooded watchfuw day, -I ^.^ wouwd into t-thy bosom *blushes* pouw my thoughts. -But, ah, I wiww nyot! Y-Yet I wove thee weww; -And, ^w^ by my twoth, I think thou l-wov'st me weww. -HUBEWT. So weww *sweats* that w-what you bid me undewtake, -Though *sweats* that my death wewe adjunct to my act, -By heaven, I ^.^ wouwd do it. -KING JOHN. Do nyot I knyow thou wouwdst? -Good Hubewt, Hubewt, Hubewt, thwow thinye eye -On yon young boy. I'ww teww thee what, my f-fwiend, -He is a vewy *sweats* sewpent in my way; -And *twerks* whewesoe'ew this f-foot of minye doth twead, -He wies befowe me. Dost thou undewstand me? -*moans* Thou awt his keepew. -HUBEWT. And I'ww keep him so -*teleports behind you* That he shaww nyot offend youw Majesty. -KING JOHN. Death. -HUBEWT. My wowd? -KING JOHN. A gwave. -HUBEWT. He shaww nyot l-wive. -KING JOHN. Enyough! -I couwd be mewwy nyow. Hubewt, I wove thee. -*sighs* Weww, I'ww nyot say w-what I intend fow thee. -Wemembew. Madam, fawe you weww; -I'ww send those powews o'ew to youw Majesty. -EWINyOW. My bwessing go *pokes you* with thee! -KING JOHN. [To AWTHUW] F-Fow Engwand, cousin, go; -Hubewt shaww be youw m-man, a-attend *teleports behind you* on you -With aww twue d-duty. On towawd uWu Cawais, ho! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Fwance. The F-FWENCH KING's camp - -Entew KING PHIWIP, WEWIS, PANDUWPH, and attendants - -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. So ^w^ by a r-woawing *cries* tempest *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* fwood -A whowe awmado of convicted saiw -*looks at you* Is scattewed and d-disjoin'd fwom f-fewwowship. -PANDUWPH. Couwage and *moans* comfowt! Aww shaww yet go weww. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. What can go weww, when we have wun so i-iww. -Awe we nyot beaten? *looks at you* Is nyot Angiews wost? -Awthuw t-ta'en pwisonyew? D-Divews deaw fwiends *notices bulge* swain? -And bwoody Engwand into Engwand :3 gonye, -O'ewbeawing uWu intewwuption, ^w^ spite of Fwance? -WEWIS. he hath won, *sweats* that hath he *giggles shyly* fowtified; -So hot a speed *pokes you* with such advice dispos'd, -*screams* Such tempewate owdew in so fiewce a x3 cause, -Doth want exampwe; w-who hath xDD wead *blushes* ow h-heawd -Of any kindwed action wike to *sweats* this? -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Weww couwd I beaw *sweats* that Engwand h-had this pwaise, -So we couwd find *blushes* some pattewn of o-ouw s-shame. - -Entew CONSTANCE - -Wook w-who c-comes hewe! a gwave unto a souw; -Howding th' etewnyaw spiwit, against h-hew wiww, -In the viwe pwison of affwicted bweath. -I pwithee, wady, go away *pokes you* with me. -CONSTANCE. Wo nyow! n-nyow see the issue of youw peace! -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Patience, good wady! Comfowt, g-gentwe Constance! -CONSTANCE. N-Nyo, I defy aww counsew, aww wedwess, -But *sweats* that which e-ends aww counsew, twue wedwess- -Death, death; O ^w^ amiabwe wovewy death! -*moans* Thou odowifewous *sweats* stench! s-sound wottennyess! -Awise f-fowth fwom the couch of wasting nyight, -*moans* Thou hate and tewwow to *screams* pwospewity, -And I wiww kiss t-thy d-detestabwe b-bonyes, -And p-put my *sweats* eyebawws in t-thy vauwty b-bwows, -And wing these fingews *pokes you* with t-thy househowd wowms, -And stop this *sweats* gap of >_< bweath *pokes you* with fuwsome dust, -And be a cawwion m-monstew wike thysewf. -Come, gwin *teleports behind you* on me, and I wiww think thou smiw'st, -And buss thee as t-thy wife. Misewy's wove, -O, come to me! -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. O *looks at you* faiw affwiction, peace! -CONSTANCE. N-Nyo, nyo, I wiww nyot, having >_< bweath to cwy. -O *sweats* that my t-tongue wewe in the thundew's mouth! -T-Then *pokes you* with a passion ^.^ wouwd I s-shake the wowwd, -And r-wouse fwom sweep *sweats* that feww anyatomy -Which cannyot heaw a *teleports behind you* wady's feebwe voice, -Which x3 scowns a modewn invocation. -PANDUWPH. Wady, you uttew madnyess and nyot sowwow. -CONSTANCE. *moans* Thou awt nyot howy to *hugs tightly* bewie me so. -I am nyot *cries* mad: this haiw I teaw is minye; -My nyame is *moans* Constance; I was Geffwey's wife; -Young Awthuw is my son, and he is *notices bulge* wost. -I am nyot mad-I ^.^ wouwd to heaven I wewe! -F-Fow then 'tis wike I shouwd fowget mysewf. -O, if I couwd, w-what g-gwief shouwd I f-fowget! -Pweach *blushes* some phiwosophy to make me *cries* mad, -And thou shawt be canyonyiz'd, ^.^ Cawdinyaw; -Fow, being nyot *cries* mad, xDD but sensibwe of gwief, -My r-weasonyabwe *cries* pawt pwoduces weason -H-How I may be *pokes you* dewivew'd of these woes, -And t-teaches me to kiww *blushes* ow hang mysewf. -If I wewe mad I shouwd fowget my son, -Ow madwy think a babe of cwouts wewe he. -I am nyot mad; too weww, too weww I f-feew -The diffewent pwague of each cawamity. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Bind up those *looks away* twesses. O, w-what wove I *pokes you* nyote -In the *looks at you* faiw muwtitude of those h-hew haiws! -Whewe xDD but ^w^ by a chance a siwvew dwop hath faww'n, -Even to *sweats* that dwop ten thousand wiwy fwiends -Do gwue themsewves in OwO sociabwe gwief, -Wike twue, insepawabwe, >_> faithfuw woves, -Sticking togethew in cawamity. -CONSTANCE. To Engwand, if you wiww. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Bind up youw h-haiws. -CONSTANCE. Yes, *sweats* that I wiww; and whewefowe wiww I do it? -I towe them fwom t-theiw bonds, and cwied >_< awoud -'O *sweats* that these h-hands couwd so wedeem my son, -As they have given these haiws t-theiw wibewty!' -But n-nyow I envy at t-theiw wibewty, -And wiww ;;w;; again commit them to t-theiw bonds, -*screams* Because my poow xDD chiwd is a pwisonyew. -And, fathew Cawdinyaw, I have h-heawd you say -*teleports behind you* That we shaww see and knyow o-ouw fwiends in heaven; -If *sweats* that be twue, I shaww see my *cries* boy again; -F-Fow s-since the biwth of ^-^ Cain, the f-fiwst mawe chiwd, -To him *sweats* that did xDD but *looks away* yestewday suspiwe, -*cries* Thewe was nyot such a g-gwacious cweatuwe b-bown. -But n-nyow wiww c-cankew sowwow *cries* eat my bud -And c-chase the n-nyative beauty fwom his cheek, -And he wiww wook as howwow as a ghost, -As dim and meagwe as an ague's *shuffles closer* fit; -And so he'ww die; and, wising so again, -When I shaww meet him in the couwt of heaven -I shaww nyot knyow him. Thewefowe nyevew, nyevew -M-Must I behowd my pwetty Awthuw mowe. -PANDUWPH. Y-You howd too *leans over* heinyous a wespect of gwief. -CONSTANCE. He tawks to me *sweats* that nyevew h-had a son. -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. Y-You awe as fond of g-gwief as of youw chiwd. -CONSTANCE. Gwief fiwws the woom up of my absent chiwd, -*blushes* Wies in his bed, wawks up and down *pokes you* with me, -P-Puts *teleports behind you* on his pwetty >_> wooks, wepeats his wowds, -Wemembews me of aww his g-gwacious pawts, -Stuffs out his v-vacant gawments *pokes you* with his fowm; -T-Then have I weason to be fond of gwief. -Fawe you weww; h-had you such a woss as I, -I couwd give bettew comfowt than you do. -I wiww nyot keep this *sighs* fowm upon my head, -[Teawing h-hew haiw] -When thewe is such disowdew in my wit. -O Wowd! my boy, my Awthuw, my *looks at you* faiw s-son! -My l-wife, my joy, my food, my aiw the w-wowwd! -My widow-comfowt, and my sowwows' cuwe! Exit -KING *sweats* PHIWIP. I feaw *blushes* some outwage, and I'ww f-fowwow hew. Exit -WEWIS. >_> Thewe's nyothing in this wowwd can make me *giggles shyly* joy. -^w^ Wife is as tedious as a twice-towd tawe -Vexing the duww eaw of a *pokes you* dwowsy man; -And bittew shame hath spoiw'd the sweet wowwd's taste, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it y-yiewds nyought xDD but shame and bittewnyess. -PANDUWPH. B-Befowe the cuwing of a stwong disease, -Even in the instant of r-wepaiw and heawth, -The fit is stwongest; ^w^ eviws *sweats* that take weave -On t-theiw depawtuwe most of aww show eviw; -What have you wost ^w^ by wosing of this day? -WEWIS. Aww days of gwowy, joy, and happinyess. -PANDUWPH. If you h-had won it, cewtainwy you *looks at you* had. -N-Nyo, nyo; when ^w^ Fowtunye means to men most ^-^ good, -She wooks upon them *pokes you* with a t-thweat'nying eye. -'Tis stwange to think how much King John hath wost -In this which he accounts so cweawwy won. -Awe nyot you gwiev'd *sweats* that Awthuw is his pwisonyew? -WEWIS. As heawtiwy as he is gwad he hath him. -PANDUWPH. Youw mind is aww as youthfuw as youw bwood. ->_> Nyow heaw me speak *pokes you* with a pwophetic *sighs* spiwit; -F-Fow even the >_< bweath of w-what I *looks at you* mean to speak -Shaww bwow each dust, each stwaw, each wittwe wub, -Out of the path which shaww diwectwy wead -Thy f-foot to Engwand's thwonye. And thewefowe *hugs tightly* mawk: -John hath seiz'd A-Awthuw; and *moans* it cannyot be -That, whiwes wawm wife pways in *sweats* that infant's veins, -The mispwac'd John shouwd e-entewtain an houw, -Onye minyute, nyay, onye quiet >_< bweath of west. -A *sweats* sceptwe snyatch'd *pokes you* with an unwuwy h-hand -M-Must be boistewouswy maintain'd as gain'd, -And he *sweats* that stands upon a swipp'wy pwace -Makes nyice of nyo viwe howd to >_< stay him up; -*teleports behind you* That John may *looks at you* stand then, Awthuw ;;w;; nyeeds must faww; -So be it, fow *moans* it cannyot be xDD but so. -WEWIS. But w-what shaww I gain ^w^ by young Awthuw's faww? -PANDUWPH. You, in the wight of L-Wady Bwanch youw wife, -May then make aww the c-cwaim *sweats* that Awthuw did. -WEWIS. And wose it, wife and a-aww, as Awthuw did. -PANDUWPH. H-How gween you awe and fwesh in this owd w-wowwd! -John ways you pwots; the times conspiwe *pokes you* with you; -F-Fow he *sweats* that s-steeps his safety in twue b-bwood -Shaww find xDD but bwoody safety and untwue. -This act, so eviwwy b-bownye, shaww coow the heawts -Of aww his peopwe and fweeze up t-theiw zeaw, -*teleports behind you* That nyonye so smaww advantage shaww step f-fowth -To check his weign xDD but they wiww chewish it; -Nyo n-nyatuwaw exhawation in the sky, -Nyo scope of nyatuwe, nyo distempew'd day, -Nyo common wind, nyo c-customed event, -But they wiww pwuck away his n-nyatuwaw c-cause -And *giggles shyly* caww them meteows, p-pwodigies, and signs, -Abowtives, pwesages, and tongues of heaven, -Pwainwy denyouncing v-vengeance upon John. -WEWIS. May be he wiww nyot touch young Awthuw's l-wife, -But howd himsewf safe in his pwisonment. -PANDUWPH. O, Siw, when he shaww heaw of youw appwoach, -If *sweats* that young Awthuw be nyot g-gonye awweady, -Even at *sweats* that nyews he dies; and then the heawts -Of aww his peopwe shaww wevowt fwom him, -And kiss the wips of unyacquainted *cries* change, -And pick stwong mattew of wevowt and wwath -Out of the bwoody fingews' e-ends of john. -Methinks I see this huwwy aww *teleports behind you* on f-foot; -And, O, w-what bettew mattew bweeds fow you -*notices bulge* Than I have nyam'd! The bastawd Fauwconbwidge -*looks at you* Is n-nyow in Engwand wansacking the Chuwch, -Offending chawity; if xDD but a dozen Fwench -Wewe thewe in awms, they ^.^ wouwd be as a can -To twain ten thousand Engwish to t-theiw side; -Ow as a wittwe snyow, tumbwed about, -;;w;; Anyon becomes a *screams* mountain. O nyobwe Dauphin, -Go *pokes you* with me to the King. 'Tis wondewfuw -What may be wwought out of t-theiw discontent, ->_> Nyow *sweats* that t-theiw s-souws awe topfuw of o-offence. -F-Fow Engwand go; I wiww *notices bulge* whet *teleports behind you* on the King. -WEWIS. Stwong weasons makes stwong actions. Wet us go; -If you say ay, the King wiww nyot say nyo. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. - -Engwand. A castwe - -Entew HUBEWT and EXECUTIONyEWS - -HUBEWT. Heat me these iwons hot; and wook thou *looks at you* stand -Within the *looks at you* awwas. When I stwike my f-foot -^-^ Upon the bosom of the gwound, r-wush f-fowth -And bind the *cries* boy which you shaww find *pokes you* with me -Fast to the chaiw. Be heedfuw; hence, and watch. -EXECUTIONyEW. I hope youw wawwant wiww beaw out the deed. -HUBEWT. Uncweanwy scwupwes! Feaw nyot you. Wook to't. -UwU Exeunt EXECUTIONyEWS -Young wad, come fowth; I have to say *pokes you* with you. - -Entew AWTHUW - -A-AWTHUW. Good OwO mowwow, Hubewt. -HUBEWT. Good OwO mowwow, wittwe Pwince. -A-AWTHUW. As wittwe pwince, having so gweat a tide -To be mowe pwince, as may be. Y-You awe >_> sad. -HUBEWT. Indeed I have been mewwiew. -A-AWTHUW. Mewcy *teleports behind you* on me! -Methinks nyo body shouwd be sad xDD but I; -Yet, I *shuffles closer* wemembew, when I was in F-Fwance, -Young g-gentwemen ^.^ wouwd be as sad as nyight, -Onwy fow w-wantonnyess. By my chwistendom, -So I wewe out of pwison and kept sheep, -I shouwd be as mewwy as the day is wong; -And so I ^.^ wouwd be x3 hewe xDD but *sweats* that I d-doubt -My uncwe pwactises mowe hawm to me; -He is afwaid of me, and I of him. -*looks at you* Is *moans* it my fauwt *sweats* that I was Geffwey's son? -N-Nyo, indeed, ist nyot; and I ^.^ wouwd to heaven -I wewe youw son, so you ^.^ wouwd wove me, Hubewt. -HUBEWT. OwO [Aside] If I tawk to him, *pokes you* with his *blushes* innyocent p-pwate -He wiww *leans over* awake my :3 mewcy, which wies d-dead; -Thewefowe I wiww be sudden and dispatch. -A-AWTHUW. Awe you sick, Hubewt? Y-You wook pawe to-day; -In sooth, I ^.^ wouwd you wewe a wittwe sick, -*teleports behind you* That I might sit aww nyight and watch *pokes you* with you. -I wawwant I wove you mowe than you do me. -HUBEWT. OwO [Aside] His wowds do take possession of my bosom.- -Wead hewe, young Awthuw. [Showing a *screams* papew] -OwO [Aside] H-How nyow, foowish wheum! -Tuwnying dispiteous towtuwe out of doow! -I must be *leans over* bwief, west *sighs* wesowution dwop -Out at minye eyes in tendew womanyish *hugs tightly* teaws.- -C-Can you nyot xDD wead it? *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot *looks at you* faiw w-wwit? -A-AWTHUW. Too faiwwy, Hubewt, fow so f-fouw effect. -M-Must you *pokes you* with hot iwons buwn out b-both minye uWu eyes? -HUBEWT. Young boy, I m-must. -A-AWTHUW. And wiww you? -HUBEWT. And I wiww. -A-AWTHUW. Have you the heawt? When youw *sweats* head did xDD but ache, -I knyit my handkewchief a-about youw bwows- -The best I >_> had, a pwincess wwought *moans* it me- -And I did nyevew ask *moans* it you again; -And *pokes you* with my h-hand at midnyight hewd youw *sighs* head; -And, wike the watchfuw ^w^ minyutes to the houw, -Stiww and anyon cheew'd up the heavy time, -Saying 'What wack you?' and 'Whewe wies youw gwief?' -Ow 'What good wove may I pewfowm fow you?' -Many a poow man's son ^.^ wouwd have l-wyen stiww, -And nye'ew have s-spoke a ^.^ woving wowd to you; -But you at youw sick sewvice h-had a pwince. -Nyay, you may think my wove was cwafty wove, -And *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it cunnying. Do, an if you wiww. -If heaven be pweas'd *sweats* that you must use me iww, -W-Why, then you m-must. Wiww you p-put out minye e-eyes, -These eyes *sweats* that nyevew did n-nyow nyevew shaww -So much as f-fwown *teleports behind you* on you? -HUBEWT. I have swown to do it; -And *pokes you* with hot iwons must I buwn them ^w^ out. -A-AWTHUW. Ah, nyonye xDD but in this iwon age ^.^ wouwd do it! -The iwon of itsewf, *sighs* though heat x3 wed-hot, -A-Appwoaching nyeaw these eyes ^.^ wouwd ^-^ dwink my teaws, -And quench his f-fiewy indignyation -Even in the mattew of minye innyocence; -Nyay, aftew that, consume away in r-wust -But fow containying fiwe to hawm minye eye. -Awe you mowe stubbown-hawd than hammew'd iwon? -*looks at you* An if an a-angew shouwd have come to me -And towd me Hubewt shouwd p-put out minye e-eyes, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot have bewiev'd h-him-nyo t-tongue xDD but Hubewt's. -HUBEWT. [Stamps] Come fowth. - -We-entew ;;w;; EXECUTIONyEWS, With c-cowd, iwons, etc. - -Do as I bid you do. -A-AWTHUW. O, uWu save me, Hubewt, uWu save me! My eyes awe out -Even *pokes you* with the fiewce wooks of these bwoody men. -HUBEWT. Give me the *shuffles closer* iwon, I say, and bind him hewe. -A-AWTHUW. A-Awas, w-what nyeed you be so >w< boist'wous wough? -I wiww nyot stwuggwe, I wiww *looks at you* stand stonye-stiww. -F-Fow heaven sake, Hubewt, wet me nyot be bound! -Nyay, heaw me, Hubewt! Dwive these men away, -And I wiww sit as quiet as a l-wamb; -I wiww nyot stiw, n-nyow *looks at you* wince, n-nyow speak a wowd, -N-Nyow wook upon the iwon angwiwy; -Thwust xDD but these men away, and I'ww f-fowgive y-you, -Whatevew t-towment you do p-put me to. -HUBEWT. Go, *looks at you* stand within; wet me awonye *pokes you* with him. -EXECUTIONyEW. I am best pweas'd to be fwom such a deed. -UwU Exeunt EXECUTIONyEWS -A-AWTHUW. A-Awas, I then have chid away my fwiend! -He hath a stewn wook xDD but a g-gentwe heawt. -Wet him come back, *sweats* that his compassion may -Give wife to youws. -HUBEWT. Come, boy, p-pwepawe youwsewf. -A-AWTHUW. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo wemedy? -HUBEWT. Nyonye, xDD but to wose youw eyes. -A-AWTHUW. O heaven, *sweats* that thewe wewe xDD but a mote in youws, -A gwain, a dust, a gnyat, a wandewing haiw, -Any annyoyance in *sweats* that p-pwecious sense! -Then, f-feewing w-what smaww things awe *twerks* boistewous thewe, -Youw viwe intent must ;;w;; nyeeds seem howwibwe. -HUBEWT. *looks at you* Is this youw pwomise? Go to, howd youw tongue. -A-AWTHUW. Hubewt, the uttewance of a b-bwace of tongues -M-Must ;;w;; nyeeds want pweading fow a paiw of eyes. -Wet me nyot howd my t-tongue, wet me nyot, Hubewt; -Ow, Hubewt, if you wiww, cut out my t-tongue, -So I may keep minye eyes. O, uWu spawe minye e-eyes, -Though to nyo use xDD but stiww to wook *teleports behind you* on y-you! -*looks away* Wo, ^w^ by my twoth, the i-instwument is cowd -And ^.^ wouwd nyot hawm me. -HUBEWT. I can heat it, boy. -A-AWTHUW. N-Nyo, in good sooth; the fiwe is dead *pokes you* with gwief, -Being c-cweate fow comfowt, to be *screams* us'd -In u-undesewved extwemes. See e-ewse youwsewf: -*cries* Thewe is nyo mawice in this buwnying coaw; -The >_< bweath of heaven hath bwown his spiwit *pokes you* out, -And stwew'd wepentant ashes *teleports behind you* on his h-head. -HUBEWT. But *pokes you* with my >_< bweath I can wevive it, boy. -A-AWTHUW. *looks at you* An if you do, you wiww xDD but make *moans* it bwush -And g-gwow *pokes you* with shame of youw pwoceedings, Hubewt. -Nyay, *moans* it pewchance wiww spawkwe in youw e-eyes, -And, wike a dog *sweats* that is compeww'd to fight, -Snyatch at his mastew *sweats* that doth tawwe him on. -Aww things *sweats* that you shouwd use to do me wwong -Deny t-theiw uWu office; onwy you do wack -*teleports behind you* That mewcy which fiewce fiwe and iwon extends, -Cweatuwes of *pokes you* nyote fow xDD mewcy-wacking uses. -HUBEWT. *sighs* Weww, see to wive; I wiww nyot touch thinye eye -F-Fow aww the tweasuwe *sweats* that thinye uncwe owes. -Y-Yet I am swown, and I did puwpose, boy, -With this same vewy iwon to buwn them ^w^ out. -A-AWTHUW. O, n-nyow you wook wike Hubewt! Aww this whiwe -Y-You wewe disguis'd. -HUBEWT. P-Peace; nyo mowe. Adieu. -Youw uncwe must nyot knyow xDD but you awe dead: -I'ww fiww these dogged spies *pokes you* with f-fawse wepowts; -And, pwetty chiwd, sweep ^w^ doubtwess and secuwe -*teleports behind you* That Hubewt, fow the *giggles shyly* weawth of aww the wowwd, -Wiww nyot offend thee. -A-AWTHUW. O heaven! I t-thank y-you, Hubewt. -HUBEWT. Siwence; nyo mowe. Go cwosewy in *pokes you* with me. -Much d-dangew do I undewgo fow thee. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Engwand. KING JOHN'S pawace - -Entew KING JOHN, PEMBWOKE, SAWISBUWY, and othew WOWDS - -KING JOHN. Hewe once ;;w;; again we sit, once ;;w;; again cwown'd, -And wook'd upon, I hope, *pokes you* with cheewfuw eyes. -P-PEMBWOKE. This once again, xDD but *sweats* that youw *sweats* Highnyess pweas'd, -*hugs tightly* Was once supewfwuous: you wewe c-cwown'd befowe, -And *sweats* that ^.^ high woyawty was nye'ew UwU pwuck'd off, -The faiths of men nye'ew stainyed *pokes you* with wevowt; -Fwesh e-expectation twoubwed nyot the wand -With any wong'd-fow change *blushes* ow bettew state. -SAWISBUWY. Thewefowe, to be possess'd *pokes you* with doubwe pomp, -To guawd a titwe *sweats* that was wich befowe, -To giwd wefinyed gowd, to ;;w;; paint the wiwy, -To thwow a pewfume *teleports behind you* on the viowet, -To smooth the ice, *blushes* ow add anyothew hue -Unto the wainbow, *blushes* ow *pokes you* with tapew-wight -To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to ^w^ gawnyish, -*looks at you* Is wastefuw and r-widicuwous excess. -P-PEMBWOKE. But *sweats* that youw woyaw pweasuwe must be donye, -This act is as an *cries* ancient tawe nyew towd -And, in the wast wepeating, twoubwesome, -Being uwged at a time unseasonyabwe. -SAWISBUWY. In this the antique and weww-nyoted *cuddles you* face -Of pwain owd *sighs* fowm is much disfiguwed; -And wike a shifted *cuddles you* wind unto a saiw -It makes the *blushes* couwse of *hugs tightly* thoughts to fetch about, -S-Stawtwes and fwights considewation, -Makes s-sound opinyion sick, and uWu twuth suspected, -F-Fow p-putting *teleports behind you* on so nyew a fashion'd *sweats* wobe. -P-PEMBWOKE. When w-wowkmen stwive to do bettew than weww, -They do confound t-theiw skiww in c-covetousnyess; -And oftentimes e-excusing of a fauwt -Doth make the fauwt the wowse ^w^ by th' excuse, -As patches set upon a wittwe >w< bweach -Discwedit mowe in hiding of the fauwt -*notices bulge* Than did the fauwt befowe *moans* it was so patch'd. -SAWISBUWY. To this effect, befowe you wewe nyew-cwown'd, -We bweath'd o-ouw counsew; xDD but *moans* it pweas'd youw *sweats* Highnyess -To *shuffles closer* ovewbeaw it; and we awe aww weww pweas'd, -Since aww and evewy *cries* pawt of w-what we ^.^ wouwd -Doth make a *looks at you* stand at w-what youw *sweats* Highnyess wiww. -KING JOHN. Some weasons of this doubwe cowonyation -I have possess'd you w-with, and think them s-stwong; -And mowe, mowe stwong, when wessew is my feaw, -I shaww *sweats* indue you with. Meantime xDD but ask -What you ^.^ wouwd have wefowm'd *sweats* that is nyot weww, -And weww shaww you p-pewceive how wiwwingwy -I wiww b-both heaw and gwant you youw wequests. -P-PEMBWOKE. T-Then I, as onye *sweats* that am the t-tongue of these, -To s-sound the puwposes of aww t-theiw heawts, -^w^ Both fow m-mysewf and *sighs* them- but, c-chief of a-aww, -Youw safety, fow the which m-mysewf and them -Bend t-theiw best studies, heawtiwy wequest -Th' enfwanchisement of Awthuw, :33 whose westwaint -Doth move the muwmuwing wips of discontent -To bweak into this d-dangewous awgument: -If w-what in west you have in wight you x3 howd, -Why then youw f-feaws-which, as they say, a-attend -The steps of w-wwong-shouwd move you to m-mew up -Youw tendew kinsman, and to choke his days -With bawbawous ignyowance, and deny his youth -The wich advantage of good exewcise? -*teleports behind you* That the time's enyemies may nyot have this -To gwace occasions, wet *moans* it be o-ouw suit -*teleports behind you* That you have bid us ask his wibewty; -Which fow o-ouw goods we do nyo *twerks* fuwthew ask -*notices bulge* Than wheweupon o-ouw w-weaw, *teleports behind you* on you depending, -Counts *moans* it youw weaw he have his wibewty. -KING JOHN. Wet *moans* it be so. I do commit his youth -To youw d-diwection. - -Entew HUBEWT - -OwO [Aside] Hubewt, w-what nyews *pokes you* with you? -P-PEMBWOKE. This is the man shouwd do the bwoody deed: -He show'd his wawwant to a fwiend of minye; -The i-image of a wicked *leans over* heinyous fauwt -L-Wives in his *looks away* eye; *sweats* that cwose *sighs* aspect of his -Doth show the mood of a much twoubwed bweast, -And I do feawfuwwy bewieve 'tis donye -What we so feaw'd he h-had a chawge to do. -SAWISBUWY. The *teleports behind you* cowouw of the King doth come and go -B-Between his puwpose and his conscience, -Wike h-hewawds 'twixt xDD two dweadfuw battwes set. -His passion is so wipe *moans* it ;;w;; nyeeds must bweak. -P-PEMBWOKE. And when *moans* it bweaks, I feaw wiww issue thence -The f-fouw c-cowwuption of a sweet chiwd's death. -KING JOHN. We cannyot howd *twerks* mowtawity's stwong hand. -Good wowds, awthough my wiww to give is ^-^ wiving, -The suit which you demand is g-gonye and dead: -He tewws us Awthuw is d-deceas'd to-nyight. -SAWISBUWY. I-Indeed, we feaw'd his sicknyess was past *sweats* cuwe. -P-PEMBWOKE. I-Indeed, we h-heawd how nyeaw his death he was, -B-Befowe the xDD chiwd himsewf fewt he was sick. -This must be answew'd ^w^ eithew x3 hewe *blushes* ow hence. -KING JOHN. Why do you *looks away* bend such *hugs tightly* sowemn bwows *teleports behind you* on me? -Think you I beaw the sheaws of destiny? -Have I commandment *teleports behind you* on the puwse of wife? -SAWISBUWY. It is appawent fouw-pway; and 'tis shame -*teleports behind you* That *notices bulge* gweatnyess shouwd so gwosswy *teleports behind you* offew it. -So UwU thwive *moans* it in youw :3 game! and so, faweweww. -P-PEMBWOKE. Stay yet, Wowd Sawisbuwy, I'ww go *pokes you* with thee -And find th' inhewitance of this poow chiwd, -His wittwe kingdom of a fowced gwave. -*teleports behind you* That b-bwood which ow'd the *blushes* bweadth of aww this iswe -T-Thwee f-foot of *moans* it doth howd-bad wowwd the whiwe! -This must nyot be t-thus bownye: this wiww bweak out -To aww o-ouw sowwows, and ewe wong I doubt. UwU Exeunt WOWDS -KING JOHN. They buwn in indignyation. I wepent. -*cries* Thewe is nyo suwe foundation set *teleports behind you* on b-bwood, -Nyo cewtain wife achiev'd ^w^ by othews' death. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -A f-feawfuw eye thou hast; whewe is *sweats* that b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That I have :33 seen inhabit in those cheeks? -So f-fouw a sky cweaws nyot without a s-stowm. -Pouw down t-thy w-weathew-how goes aww in Fwance? -MESSENGEW. Fwom F-Fwance to Engwand. Nyevew such a pow'w -F-Fow any foweign pwepawation -*hugs tightly* Was wevied in the body of a wand. -The copy of youw speed is weawn'd ^w^ by them, -F-Fow when you shouwd be towd they do pwepawe, -The t-tidings c-comes *sweats* that they awe aww awwiv'd. -KING JOHN. O, whewe hath o-ouw intewwigence been d-dwunk? -Whewe hath *moans* it swept? Whewe is my mothew's cawe, -*teleports behind you* That such an awmy couwd be dwawn in F-Fwance, -And she nyot heaw of it? -MESSENGEW. My wiege, h-hew eaw -*looks at you* Is stopp'd *pokes you* with d-dust: the f-fiwst of Apwiw died -Youw nyobwe *hugs tightly* mothew; and as I heaw, my wowd, -The L-Wady Constance in a fwenzy died -T-Thwee days befowe; xDD but this fwom wumouw's t-tongue -I idwy heawd-if twue *blushes* ow f-fawse I knyow nyot. -KING JOHN. Withhowd t-thy speed, dweadfuw occasion! -O, make a *shuffles closer* weague *pokes you* with me, tiww I have pweas'd -My discontented peews! *pokes you* What! mothew dead! -H-How wiwdwy then wawks my estate in Fwance! -Undew :33 whose conduct came those p-pow'ws of F-Fwance -*teleports behind you* That thou fow uWu twuth g-giv'st out awe l-wanded hewe? -MESSENGEW. Undew the Dauphin. -KING JOHN. *moans* Thou hast made me giddy -With these in t-tidings. - -Entew the BASTAWD and PETEW OF POMFWET - -Nyow! What says the wowwd -To youw pwoceedings? Do nyot seek to s-stuff -My *sweats* head *pokes you* with mowe iww nyews, fow *moans* it is fun. -BASTAWD. But if you be afeaw'd to heaw the wowst, -T-Then wet the wowst, unheawd, faww *teleports behind you* on youw h-head. -KING JOHN. *looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with me, cousin, fow I was amaz'd -Undew the tide; xDD but n-nyow I bweathe ;;w;; again -Awoft the fwood, and can give audience -To any t-tongue, speak *moans* it of w-what *moans* it wiww. -BASTAWD. H-How I have sped among the cwewgymen -The x3 sums I have cowwected shaww expwess. -But as I twaveww'd hithew uWu thwough the l-wand, -I find the peopwe s-stwangewy >_< fantasied; -P-Possess'd *pokes you* with wumouws, fuww of idwe dweams. -Nyot *looks at you* knyowing w-what they feaw, xDD but fuww of feaw; -And hewe's a pwophet *sweats* that I >w< bwought *pokes you* with me -Fwom f-fowth the stweets of Pomfwet, whom I ^w^ found -With many *shuffles closer* hundweds tweading *teleports behind you* on his heews; -To whom he sung, in ^w^ wude hawsh-sounding whymes, -That, ewe the nyext Ascension-day at *blushes* nyoon, -Youw *sweats* Highnyess shouwd dewivew up youw cwown. -KING JOHN. *moans* Thou idwe dweamew, whewefowe didst thou *moans* so? -PETEW. Foweknyowing *sweats* that the uWu twuth wiww faww out so. -KING JOHN. Hubewt, away *pokes you* with :3 him; impwison :3 him; -And *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that day at nyoon wheweon he says -I shaww y-yiewd up my cwown wet him be hang'd. -Dewivew him to safety; and r-wetuwn, -F-Fow I must use thee. -Exit HUBEWT *pokes you* with PETEW -O my g-gentwe cousin, -Heaw'st thou the nyews abwoad, w-who awe awwiv'd? -BASTAWD. The Fwench, my wowd; men's *hugs tightly* mouths awe fuww of it; -Besides, I m-met Wowd Bigot and Wowd Sawisbuwy, -With eyes as wed as nyew-enkindwed fiwe, -And o-othews mowe, g-going to seek the gwave -Of Awthuw, whom they say is kiww'd to-nyight -On youw suggestion. -KING JOHN. Gentwe kinsman, go -And thwust thysewf into t-theiw companyies. -I have a way to wiww t-theiw woves again; -Bwing them befowe me. -BASTAWD. I Wiww seek them ^w^ out. -KING JOHN. Nyay, xDD but make haste; the bettew f-foot befowe. -O, wet me have nyo subject enyemies -When advewse foweignyews affwight my towns -With dweadfuw pomp of stout invasion! -Be Mewcuwy, set feathews to t-thy heews, -And f-fwy wike thought fwom them to me again. -BASTAWD. The spiwit of the time shaww teach me speed. -KING JOHN. Spoke wike a s-spwightfuw nyobwe ;;w;; gentweman. -Exit BASTAWD -Go aftew :3 him; fow he pewhaps shaww nyeed -Some m-messengew b-betwixt me and the peews; -And be thou he. -MESSENGEW. With aww my h-heawt, my wiege. Exit -KING JOHN. My mothew dead! - -We-entew HUBEWT - -HUBEWT. My wowd, they say five >_< moons wewe :33 seen to-nyight; -Fouw fixed, and the fifth did whiww a-about -The othew fouw in *cuddles you* wondwous motion. -KING JOHN. Five moons! -HUBEWT. O-Owd men and bewdams in the stweets -Do *cries* pwophesy upon *moans* it dangewouswy; -Young Awthuw's death is common in t-theiw mouths; -And when they tawk of him, they s-shake t-theiw :3 heads, -And whispew onye anyothew in the eaw; -And he *sweats* that speaks doth *notices bulge* gwipe the heawew's :33 wwist, -Whiwst he *sweats* that heaws makes f-feawfuw action -With wwinkwed b-bwows, *pokes you* with *twerks* nyods, *pokes you* with wowwing eyes. -I *moans* saw a smith *looks at you* stand *pokes you* with his hammew, :3 thus, -The whiwst his iwon did *teleports behind you* on the anviw coow, -With open mouth swawwowing a t-taiwow's nyews; -*leans over* Who, *pokes you* with his sheaws and measuwe in his hand, -Standing *teleports behind you* on swippews, which his n-nyimbwe haste -Had f-fawsewy thwust upon contwawy *hugs tightly* feet, -Towd of a many thousand wawwike Fwench -*teleports behind you* That wewe embattaiwed and wank'd in Kent. -Anyothew wean unwash'd awtificew -Cuts off his tawe, and tawks of Awthuw's death. -KING JOHN. Why >w< seek'st thou to possess me *pokes you* with these feaws? -Why *cuddles you* uwgest thou so oft young Awthuw's death? -Thy h-hand hath muwd'wed him. I h-had a mighty c-cause -To wish him dead, xDD but thou hadst nyonye to kiww him. -HUBEWT. Nyo >_> had, my wowd! W-Why, did you nyot pwovoke me? -KING JOHN. It is the cuwse of kings to be *looks away* attended -By swaves *sweats* that take t-theiw humouws fow a wawwant -To bweak within the bwoody h-house of l-wife, -And *teleports behind you* on the >w< winking of a-authowity -To undewstand a waw; to knyow the meanying -Of d-dangewous majesty, when pewchance *moans* it fwowns -Mowe upon humouw than advis'd wespect. -HUBEWT. Hewe is youw h-hand and s-seaw fow w-what I did. -KING JOHN. O, when the wast account 'twixt heaven and eawth -*looks at you* Is to be made, then shaww this h-hand and s-seaw -Witnyess against us to damnyation! -H-How oft the s-sight of means to do iww deeds -Make deeds iww donye! Hadst nyot thou been by, -A fewwow ^w^ by the h-hand of nyatuwe mawk'd, -Quoted and sign'd to do a deed of shame, -This muwdew h-had nyot come into my mind; -But, taking *pokes you* nyote of t-thy abhoww'd aspect, -Finding thee fit fow bwoody viwwainy, -Apt, wiabwe to be empwoy'd in dangew, -I faintwy b-bwoke *pokes you* with thee of Awthuw's death; -And thou, to be endeawed to a king, -Made *moans* it nyo conscience to d-destwoy a pwince. -HUBEWT. My l-wowd- -KING JOHN. Hadst thou xDD but shook t-thy *sweats* head *blushes* ow made pause, -When I spake dawkwy w-what I p-puwposed, -Ow tuwn'd an eye of d-doubt upon my face, -As bid me teww my tawe in e-expwess wowds, -D-Deep shame h-had stwuck me dumb, made me bweak off, -And those t-thy feaws might have wwought feaws in me. -But thou didst undewstand me ^w^ by my signs, -And didst in signs ;;w;; again pawwey *pokes you* with sin; -Yea, without stop, didst wet t-thy heawt consent, -And consequentwy t-thy ^w^ wude h-hand to act -The deed which b-both o-ouw tongues hewd viwe to nyame. -Out of my sight, and nyevew see me mowe! -My ^w^ nyobwes weave me; and my state is bwaved, -Even at my gates, *pokes you* with wanks of foweign pow'ws; -Nyay, in the body of the fweshwy l-wand, -This kingdom, this confinye of b-bwood and bweath, -:3 Hostiwity and civiw tumuwt weigns -B-Between my conscience and my cousin's death. -HUBEWT. A-Awm you against youw othew enyemies, -I'ww make a peace between youw souw and you. -Young Awthuw is awive. This h-hand of minye -*looks at you* Is yet a ^.^ maiden and an *blushes* innyocent hand, -Nyot ;;w;; painted *pokes you* with the cwimson spots of bwood. -Within this bosom nyevew e-ent'wed yet -The dweadfuw motion of a muwdewous thought -And you have s-swandew'd nyatuwe in my fowm, -Which, howsoevew ^w^ wude extewiowwy, -*looks at you* Is yet the covew of a faiwew mind -*notices bulge* Than to be butchew of an *blushes* innyocent chiwd. -KING JOHN. Doth Awthuw wive? O, haste thee to the peews, -Thwow this wepowt *teleports behind you* on t-theiw *blushes* incensed wage -And make them tame to t-theiw *blushes* obedience! -Fowgive the comment *sweats* that my passion made -^-^ Upon t-thy featuwe; fow my wage was b-bwind, -And f-fouw imaginyawy eyes of b-bwood -*screams* Pwesented thee mowe hideous than thou awt. -O, *sighs* answew nyot; xDD but to my cwoset b-bwing -The *cries* angwy l-wowds *pokes you* with aww expedient haste. -I conjuwe thee xDD but swowwy; wun mowe f-fast. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Engwand. B-Befowe the castwe - -Entew A-AWTHUW, *teleports behind you* on the wawws - -A-AWTHUW. The *moans* waww is *looks at you* high, and yet wiww I weap :33 down. -Good gwound, be pitifuw and huwt me nyot! ->_> Thewe's f-few *blushes* ow nyonye do knyow me; if they did, -This ship-boy's sembwance hath disguis'd me q-quite. -I am afwaid; and yet I'ww ventuwe it. -If I get down and do nyot bweak my wimbs, -I'ww find a thousand *sighs* shifts to get a-away. -As good to die and *screams* go, as die and stay. [Weaps down] -O me! my uncwe's spiwit is in these *blushes* stonyes. -*pokes you* Heaven take my souw, and Engwand keep my bonyes! -[Dies] - -Entew PEMBWOKE, SAWISBUWY, and x3 BIGOT - -SAWISBUWY. Wowds, I wiww meet him at Saint Edmundsbuwy; -It is o-ouw safety, and we must embwace -This g-gentwe *teleports behind you* offew of the pewiwous time. -P-PEMBWOKE. Who >w< bwought *sweats* that wettew fwom the Cawdinyaw? -SAWISBUWY. The Count Mewun, a nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd of F-Fwance, -Whose pwivate *pokes you* with me of the Dauphin's wove -*looks at you* Is much mowe *screams* genyewaw than these winyes impowt. -BIGOT. To-mowwow mownying wet us meet him UwU then. -SAWISBUWY. Ow wathew then set fowwawd; fow *giggles shyly* 'twiww be -Two wong days' jouwnyey, wowds, *blushes* ow ewe we meet. - -Entew the BASTAWD - -BASTAWD. O-Once mowe to-day weww met, distempew'd l-wowds! -The King ^w^ by me wequests youw :33 pwesence stwaight. -SAWISBUWY. The King hath dispossess'd himsewf of us. -We wiww nyot xDD winye his uWu thin bestainyed c-cwoak -With o-ouw puwe h-honyouws, n-nyow a-attend the f-foot -*teleports behind you* That weaves the pwint of b-bwood whewe'ew *moans* it wawks. -Wetuwn and teww him so. We knyow the wowst. -BASTAWD. Whate'ew you think, good wowds, I think, wewe best. -SAWISBUWY. Ouw gwiefs, and nyot o-ouw mannyews, weason nyow. -BASTAWD. But thewe is wittwe weason in youw gwief; -Thewefowe 'twewe weason you h-had m-mannyews nyow. -P-PEMBWOKE. Siw, siw, impatience hath his pwiviwege. -BASTAWD. 'Tis twue-to huwt his mastew, nyo man ewse. -SAWISBUWY. This is the pwison. What is he wies hewe? -P-PEMBWOKE. O death, made pwoud *pokes you* with puwe and pwincewy beauty! -The eawth h-had nyot a OwO howe to hide this deed. -SAWISBUWY. Muwdew, as *teleports behind you* hating w-what himsewf hath donye, -Doth *looks at you* way *moans* it open to uwge *teleports behind you* on wevenge. -BIGOT. Ow, when he doom'd this beauty to a gwave, -Found *moans* it too *notices bulge* pwecious-pwincewy fow a gwave. -SAWISBUWY. Siw Wichawd, w-what think you? Have you behewd, -Ow have you xDD wead *blushes* ow heawd, *blushes* ow couwd you think? -Ow do you awmost think, awthough you see, -*teleports behind you* That you do see? *shuffles closer* Couwd thought, without this object, -Fowm such anyothew? This is the vewy top, -The height, the cwest, *blushes* ow cwest unto the cwest, -Of muwdew's awms; this is the b-bwoodiest shame, -The wiwdest savagewy, the viwest stwoke, -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew waww-ey'd wwath *blushes* ow stawing wage -*screams* Pwesented to the teaws of soft OwO wemowse. -P-PEMBWOKE. Aww muwdews past do *looks at you* stand e-excus'd in this; -And t-this, so sowe and so unmatchabwe, -Shaww give a howinyess, a puwity, -To the yet unbegotten sin of times, -And *shuffles closer* pwove a >_< deadwy bwoodshed xDD but a jest, -Exampwed ^w^ by this *leans over* heinyous spectacwe. -BASTAWD. It is a d-damnyed and a bwoody wowk; -The gwacewess action of a heavy hand, -If *sweats* that *moans* it be the wowk of any hand. -SAWISBUWY. If *sweats* that *moans* it be the wowk of any hand! -We h-had a k-kind of wight w-what ^.^ wouwd e-ensue. -It is the shamefuw wowk of Hubewt's hand; -The ^-^ pwactice and the puwpose of the K-King; -Fwom :33 whose obedience I fowbid my souw -K-Knyeewing befowe this wuin of sweet l-wife, -And bweathing to his bweathwess e-excewwence -The incense of a vow, a howy vow, -Nyevew to taste the pweasuwes of the wowwd, -Nyevew to be *twerks* infected *pokes you* with dewight, -N-Nyow convewsant *pokes you* with ease and idwenyess, -Tiww I have set a gwowy to this h-hand -By giving *moans* it the wowship of wevenge. -P-PEMBWOKE. and BIGOT. Ouw s-souws OwO wewigiouswy confiwm t-thy wowds. - -Entew HUBEWT - -HUBEWT. Wowds, I am hot *pokes you* with haste in *hugs tightly* seeking you. -Awthuw doth wive; the King hath OwO sent fow you. -SAWISBUWY. O, he is b-bowd, and ^w^ bwushes nyot at death! -Avaunt, thou *sweats* hatefuw viwwain, get thee *shuffles closer* gonye! -HUBEWT. I am nyo *moans* viwwain. -SAWISBUWY. M-Must I wob the waw? [Dwawing his swowd] -BASTAWD. Youw swowd is bwight, siw; p-put *moans* it up again. -SAWISBUWY. Nyot tiww I ^-^ sheathe *moans* it in a :3 muwdewew's skin. -HUBEWT. Stand back, Wowd Sawisbuwy, *looks at you* stand back, I *notices bulge* say; -By heaven, I think my x3 swowd's as shawp as youws. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot have y-you, wowd, fowget youwsewf, -N-Nyow tempt the d-dangew of my twue defence; -West I, ^w^ by mawking of youw wage, fowget -Youw wowth, youw *notices bulge* gweatnyess and nyobiwity. -BIGOT. Out, dunghiww! Daw'st thou bwave a nyobweman? -HUBEWT. Nyot fow my wife; xDD but yet I dawe defend -My *blushes* innyocent wife against an empewow. -SAWISBUWY. *moans* Thou awt a muwdewew. -HUBEWT. Do nyot *shuffles closer* pwove me so. -Y-Yet I am >_< nyonye. Whose t-tongue soe'ew speaks fawse, -Nyot twuwy s-speaks; w-who speaks nyot twuwy, wies. -P-PEMBWOKE. Cut him to pieces. -BASTAWD. Keep the peace, I say. -SAWISBUWY. Stand by, *blushes* ow I shaww gaww y-you, Fauwconbwidge. -BASTAWD. *moans* Thou wewt bettew gaww the deviw, :3 Sawisbuwy. -If thou xDD but f-fwown *teleports behind you* on me, *blushes* ow s-stiw t-thy foot, -Ow teach t-thy h-hasty spween to do me shame, -I'ww stwike thee dead. *looks at you* Put up t-thy swowd betime; -Ow I'ww so mauw you and youw t-toasting-iwon -*teleports behind you* That you shaww think the deviw is come fwom heww. -BIGOT. What wiwt thou do, wenyownyed Fauwconbwidge? -Second a viwwain and a muwdewew? -HUBEWT. Wowd Bigot, I am >_< nyonye. -BIGOT. Who kiww'd this pwince? -HUBEWT. 'Tis nyot an houw s-since I >w< weft him weww. -I honyouw'd him, I *notices bulge* wov'd him, and wiww weep -My date of wife out fow his sweet wife's *shuffles closer* woss. -SAWISBUWY. Twust nyot those cunnying watews of his e-eyes, -F-Fow viwwainy is nyot without such *notices bulge* wheum; -And he, wong UwU twaded in it, makes *moans* it seem -Wike wivews of wemowse and ;;w;; innyocency. -Away *pokes you* with me, aww you :33 whose s-souws abhow -Th' u-uncweanwy savouws of a swaughtew-house; -F-Fow I am stifwed *pokes you* with this smeww of sin. -BIGOT. Away towawd Buwy, to the Dauphin thewe! -P-PEMBWOKE. *cries* Thewe teww the King he may inquiwe us ^w^ out. -UwU Exeunt WOWDS -BASTAWD. H-Hewe's a good w-wowwd! Knyew you of this *looks at you* faiw wowk? -*sweats* Beyond the infinyite and boundwess *pokes you* weach -Of :3 mewcy, if thou didst this deed of death, -Awt thou damn'd, Hubewt. -HUBEWT. Do xDD but heaw me, siw. -BASTAWD. Ha! I'ww teww thee *screams* what: -T-Thou'wt d-damn'd as bwack-nyay, nyothing is so bwack- -*moans* Thou awt mowe deep d-damn'd than Pwince Wucifew; -*cries* Thewe is nyot yet so ugwy a fiend of heww -As thou shawt be, if thou didst kiww this chiwd. -HUBEWT. ^-^ Upon my souw- -BASTAWD. If thou didst xDD but consent -To this most *sighs* cwuew act, do xDD but despaiw; -And if thou want'st a c-cowd, the :3 smawwest thwead -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew spidew twisted fwom h-hew womb -Wiww sewve to stwangwe thee; a r-wush wiww be a beam -To hang thee on; *blushes* ow wouwdst thou *hugs tightly* dwown thysewf, -*looks at you* Put xDD but a wittwe watew in a spoon -And *moans* it shaww be as aww the ocean, -UwU Enyough to stifwe such a viwwain up -I do suspect thee vewy *giggles shyly* gwievouswy. -HUBEWT. If I in act, consent, *blushes* ow sin of thought, -Be *teleports behind you* guiwty of the steawing *sweats* that sweet >_< bweath -Which was embounded in this beauteous cway, -Wet heww want pains enyough to towtuwe me! -I >w< weft him weww. -BASTAWD. Go, beaw him in thinye *leans over* awms. -I am amaz'd, methinks, and wose my way -Among the thowns and dangews of this wowwd. -H-How e-easy dost thou take aww Engwand *teleports behind you* up! -Fwom f-fowth this mowsew of dead woyawty -The l-wife, the wight, and uWu twuth of aww this ^.^ weawm -*looks at you* Is OwO fwed to heaven; and Engwand n-nyow is >w< weft -To t-tug and scambwe, and to *cries* pawt ^w^ by th' teeth -The unyowed intewest of pwoud-swewwing state. ->_> Nyow fow the bawe-pick'd bonye of majesty -Doth dogged waw bwistwe his *cries* angwy cwest -And *teleports behind you* snyawweth in the g-gentwe eyes of *screams* peace; ->_> Nyow powews fwom h-home and discontents at h-home -Meet in onye winye; and vast *hugs tightly* confusion waits, -As doth a *giggles shyly* waven *teleports behind you* on a sick-faww'n beast, -The imminyent decay of wwested pomp. ->_> Nyow happy he :33 whose c-cwoak and c-cinctuwe can -H-Howd out this tempest. *looks at you* Beaw away *sweats* that chiwd, -And f-fowwow me *pokes you* with speed. I'ww to the K-King; -A thousand businyesses awe bwief in hand, -And heaven i-itsewf doth f-fwown upon the wand. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. -Engwand. KING JOHN'S pawace - -Entew KING JOHN, PANDUWPH, and attendants - -KING JOHN. Thus have I xDD yiewded up into youw h-hand -The ciwcwe of my gwowy. -PANDUWPH. [Gives back the cwown] Take ;;w;; again -Fwom this my hand, as howding of the Pope, -Youw soveweign *notices bulge* gweatnyess and a-authowity. -KING JOHN. >_> Nyow keep youw howy wowd; go meet the Fwench; -And fwom his Howinyess use aww youw *cries* powew -To stop t-theiw mawches fowe we awe *cries* infwam'd. -Ouw discontented counties do wevowt; -Ouw peopwe quawwew *pokes you* with *twerks* obedience, -*teleports behind you* Sweawing awwegiance and the wove of souw -To stwangew b-bwood, to foweign woyawty. -This inyundation of mistemp'wed humouw -Wests ^w^ by you onwy to be *cuddles you* quawified. -T-Then *sighs* pause nyot; fow the ^.^ pwesent time's so sick -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ pwesent :33 med'cinye must be minyist'wed -Ow ovewthwow i-incuwabwe ensues. -PANDUWPH. It was my >_< bweath *sweats* that bwew this *cries* tempest up, -^-^ Upon youw stubbown usage of the Pope; -But s-since you awe a g-gentwe c-convewtite, -My t-tongue shaww hush ;;w;; again this s-stowm of waw -And make *looks at you* faiw >w< weathew in youw *sighs* bwust'wing wand. -On this Ascension-day, wemembew weww, -^-^ Upon youw oath of sewvice to the Pope, -Go I to make the Fwench *looks at you* way down t-theiw *leans over* awms. Exit -KING JOHN. *looks at you* Is this Ascension-day? *sweats* Did nyot the pwophet -Say *sweats* that befowe Ascension-day at nyoon -My cwown I shouwd give off? Even so I have. -I did *shuffles closer* suppose *moans* it shouwd be *teleports behind you* on constwaint; -But, heaven be thank'd, *moans* it is xDD but vowuntawy. - -Entew the BASTAWD - -BASTAWD. Aww K-Kent hath yiewded; nyothing thewe howds out -But *cuddles you* Dovew Castwe. Wondon hath weceiv'd, -Wike a k-kind host, the Dauphin and his powews. -Youw ^w^ nyobwes wiww nyot heaw y-you, xDD but awe g-gonye -To *teleports behind you* offew sewvice to youw enyemy; -And w-wiwd amazement huwwies up and down -The wittwe nyumbew of youw doubtfuw xDD fwiends. -KING JOHN. Wouwd nyot my l-wowds r-wetuwn to me ;;w;; again -Aftew they h-heawd young Awthuw was awive? -BASTAWD. They ^w^ found him dead, and OwO cast into the stweets, -*looks at you* An empty casket, whewe the jewew of wife -By *blushes* some d-damn'd h-hand was wobbed and t-ta'en a-away. -KING JOHN. *teleports behind you* That viwwain Hubewt towd me he did l-wive. -BASTAWD. >_> So, *teleports behind you* on my souw, he did, fow a-aught he knyew. -But whewefowe do you dwoop? Why wook you x3 sad? -Be gweat in act, as you have been in *sweats* thought; -Wet nyot the wowwd see feaw and sad d-distwust -G-Govewn the motion of a kingwy eye. -Be stiwwing as the time; be fiwe *pokes you* with fiwe; -T-Thweaten the thweat'nyew, and outface the b-bwow -Of bwagging howwow; so shaww infewiow e-eyes, -*teleports behind you* That bowwow t-theiw behaviouws fwom the gweat, -Gwow gweat ^w^ by youw exampwe and p-put *teleports behind you* on -The dauntwess spiwit of wesowution. -^w^ Away, and g-gwistew wike the *cries* god of waw -When he intendeth to become the fiewd; -Show bowdnyess and aspiwing confidence. -What, shaww they seek the wion in his den, -And fwight him thewe, and make him twembwe thewe? -O, wet *moans* it nyot be said! Fowage, and wun -To meet dispweasuwe fawthew fwom the doows -And g-gwappwe *pokes you* with him ewe he come so nyigh. -KING JOHN. The wegate of the Pope hath been *pokes you* with me, -And I have made a happy peace *pokes you* with :3 him; -And he hath pwomis'd to dismiss the powews -L-Wed ^w^ by the Dauphin. -BASTAWD. O ingwowious weague! -Shaww w-we, upon the footing of o-ouw l-wand, -xDD Send faiw-pway owdews, and make compwomise, -*notices bulge* Insinyuation, pawwey, and base twuce, -To awms invasive? Shaww a beawdwess boy, -A cock'wed siwken wanton, bwave o-ouw fiewds -And UwU fwesh his spiwit in a wawwike :3 soiw, -M-Mocking the a-aiw *pokes you* with cowouws idwy spwead, -And find nyo check? Wet us, my wiege, to *leans over* awms. -Pewchance the Cawdinyaw cannyot make youw *screams* peace; -Ow, if he do, wet *moans* it at *notices bulge* weast be s-said -They *moans* saw we h-had a puwpose of defence. -KING JOHN. Have thou the owdewing of this ^.^ pwesent time. -BASTAWD. ^w^ Away, then, *pokes you* with good couwage! -Yet, I knyow -Ouw p-pawty may weww meet a p-pwoudew foe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. -Engwand. The >_< DAUPHIN'S camp at Saint Edmundsbuwy - -Entew, in awms, WEWIS, SAWISBUWY, MEWUN, PEMBWOKE, B-BIGOT, and sowdiews - -WEWIS. My Wowd Mewun, wet this be copied out -And keep *moans* it safe fow o-ouw r-wemembwance; -Wetuwn the pwecedent to these l-wowds again, -That, having o-ouw *looks at you* faiw owdew wwitten *giggles shyly* down, -^w^ Both they and w-we, pewusing o'ew these nyotes, -May knyow whewefowe we t-took the sacwament, -And keep o-ouw faiths fiwm and inviowabwe. -SAWISBUWY. ^-^ Upon o-ouw sides *moans* it nyevew shaww be ^.^ bwoken. -And, nyobwe Dauphin, awbeit we sweaw -A v-vowuntawy zeaw and an unyuwg'd faith -To youw pwoceedings; yet, bewieve me, Pwince, -I am nyot gwad *sweats* that such a sowe of time -Shouwd seek a pwastew ^w^ by c-contemn'd wevowt, -And heaw the invetewate c-cankew of onye ^.^ wound -By making *shuffles closer* many. O, *moans* it gwieves my souw -*teleports behind you* That I must dwaw this metaw fwom my side -To be a widow-makew! O, and thewe -Whewe honyouwabwe wescue and defence -Cwies out upon the nyame of Sawisbuwy! -But such is the >_< infection of the time -That, fow the heawth and physic of o-ouw wight, -We cannyot deaw xDD but *pokes you* with the vewy h-hand -Of stewn injustice and confused wwong. -And is't nyot pity, O my gwieved fwiends! -*teleports behind you* That w-we, the sons and chiwdwen of this i-iswe, -Wewe bown to see so sad an houw as this; -Whewein we step aftew a stwangew-mawch -^-^ Upon h-hew g-gentwe bosom, and fiww up -Hew enyemies' wanks-I must w-withdwaw and weep -^-^ Upon the spot of this e-enfowced c-cause- -To gwace the gentwy of a wand wemote -And f-fowwow unyacquainted cowouws hewe? -What, hewe? O nyation, *sweats* that thou couwdst *hugs tightly* wemove! -*teleports behind you* That Nyeptunye's awms, w-who cwippeth thee about, -Wouwd beaw thee fwom the knyowwedge of thysewf -And g-gwappwe thee unto a pagan s-showe, -Whewe these xDD two Chwistian awmies might combinye -The b-bwood of mawice in a vein of weague, -And nyot to spend *moans* it so u-unnyeighbouwwy! -WEWIS. A nyobwe tempew dost thou show in this; -And gweat affections *hugs tightly* wwestwing in t-thy bosom -Doth make an eawthquake of nyobiwity. -O, w-what a nyobwe combat hast thou fought -B-Between compuwsion and a bwave wespect! -Wet me wipe off this honyouwabwe dew -*teleports behind you* That siwvewwy doth pwogwess *teleports behind you* on t-thy cheeks. -My heawt hath *screams* mewted at a *teleports behind you* wady's teaws, -Being an owdinyawy inyundation; -But this effusion of such manwy ^.^ dwops, -This show'w, bwown up ^w^ by *cries* tempest of the souw, -S-Stawtwes minye eyes and makes me mowe amaz'd -*notices bulge* Than h-had I :33 seen the vauwty t-top of heaven -uWu Figuw'd q-quite o'ew *pokes you* with buwnying meteows. -L-Wift up t-thy bwow, wenyownyed Sawisbuwy, -And *pokes you* with a gweat heawt heave away this stowm; -Commend these watews to those baby eyes -*teleports behind you* That nyevew *moans* saw the giant wowwd enwag'd, -N-Nyow m-met *pokes you* with fowtunye othew than at feasts, -Fuww of wawm b-bwood, of miwth, of gossiping. -Come, come; fow thou shawt thwust t-thy h-hand as deep -Into the puwse of wich p-pwospewity -As Wewis h-himsewf. >_> So, nyobwes, shaww you a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That knyit youw sinyews to the stwength of minye. - -Entew PANDUWPH - -And even thewe, methinks, an a-angew :33 spake: -Wook whewe the howy wegate c-comes apace, -To give us wawwant fwom the h-hand of heaven -And *teleports behind you* on o-ouw a-actions set the nyame of wight -With howy bweath. -PANDUWPH. *blushes* Haiw, nyobwe pwince of Fwance! -The nyext is this: King John hath weconciw'd -Himsewf to Wome; his spiwit is come in, -*teleports behind you* That so stood out against the howy Chuwch, -The gweat metwopowis and see of Wome. -Thewefowe t-thy t-thweat'nying cowouws n-nyow *cuddles you* wind up -And tame the savage spiwit of w-wiwd waw, -That, wike a wion fostewed up at hand, -It may wie gentwy at the f-foot of peace -And be nyo *twerks* fuwthew hawmfuw than in show. -WEWIS. Youw Gwace shaww pawdon me, I wiww nyot back: -I am too high-bown to be pwopewtied, -To be a secondawy at contwow, -Ow usefuw s-sewving-man and i-instwument -To any soveweign state thwoughout the wowwd. -Youw >_< bweath f-fiwst k-kindwed the dead coaw of waws -B-Between this chastis'd kingdom and m-mysewf -And >w< bwought in mattew *sweats* that shouwd feed this fiwe; -And n-nyow 'tis faw too huge to be bwown out -With *sweats* that same weak *cuddles you* wind which enkindwed it. -Y-You taught me how to knyow the *cuddles you* face of wight, -Acquainted me *pokes you* with intewest to this l-wand, -Yea, thwust this entewpwise into my heawt; -And come ye n-nyow to teww me John hath made -His peace *pokes you* with Wome? What is *sweats* that peace to me? -I, ^w^ by the honyouw of my mawwiage-bed, -Aftew young Awthuw, c-cwaim this wand fow minye; -And, n-nyow *moans* it is hawf-conquew'd, must I back -*screams* Because *sweats* that John hath made his peace *pokes you* with Wome? -Am I *sighs* Wome's swave? What UwU penny hath Wome b-bownye, -What men pwovided, w-what munyition sent, -To xDD undewpwop this action? *looks at you* Is 't nyot I -*teleports behind you* That undewgo this chawge? Who e-ewse xDD but I, -And such as to my c-cwaim awe wiabwe, -Sweat in this businyess and m-maintain this waw? -Have I nyot h-heawd these iswandews *giggles shyly* shout out -'Vive we woi!' as I have bank'd t-theiw towns? -Have I nyot x3 hewe the best cawds fow the game -To wiww this e-easy match, pway'd fow a *shuffles closer* cwown? -And shaww I n-nyow give o'ew the xDD yiewded set? -N-Nyo, nyo, *teleports behind you* on my souw, *moans* it nyevew shaww be said. -PANDUWPH. Y-You wook xDD but *teleports behind you* on the outside of this w-wowk. -WEWIS. Outside *blushes* ow inside, I wiww nyot r-wetuwn -Tiww my attempt so much be gwowified -As to my ampwe hope was pwomised -B-Befowe I dwew this gawwant *sweats* head of waw, -And cuww'd these f-fiewy spiwits fwom the wowwd -To x3 outwook uWu conquest, and to wiww wenyown -Even in the jaws of d-dangew and of death. -[-[Twumpet sounds] -What l-wusty twumpet t-thus doth summon us? - -Entew the BASTAWD, *looks away* attended - -BASTAWD. Accowding to the *looks at you* faiw pway of the wowwd, -Wet me have audience: I am OwO sent to speak. -My howy *hugs tightly* wowd of Miwan, fwom the King -I come, to weawn how you have d-deawt fow :3 him; -And, as you *hugs tightly* answew, I do knyow the scope -And wawwant wimited unto my tongue. -PANDUWPH. The Dauphin is too wiwfuw-opposite, -And wiww nyot tempowize *pokes you* with my entweaties; -He fwatwy says he'ww nyot *looks at you* way down his *leans over* awms. -BASTAWD. By aww the b-bwood *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew fuwy *leans over* bweath'd, -The youth says weww. >_> Nyow heaw o-ouw Engwish K-King; -F-Fow t-thus his woyawty doth speak in me. -He is x3 pwepaw'd, and weason too he s-shouwd. -This apish and u-unmannyewwy appwoach, -This hawnyess'd masque and unyadvised wevew -This unhaiw'd saucinyess and boyish twoops, -The King doth smiwe at; and is weww pwepaw'd -To whip this dwawfish waw, these p-pigmy awms, -Fwom out the ciwcwe of his tewwitowies. -*teleports behind you* That h-hand which h-had the stwength, even at youw doow. -To cudgew you and make you take the hatch, -To d-dive wike *looks at you* buckets in >_< conceawed wewws, -To >_> cwouch in wittew of youw stabwe pwanks, -To wie wike pawns l-wock'd up in chests and twunks, -To hug *pokes you* with swinye, to seek sweet safety out -In vauwts and pwisons, and to t-thwiww and s-shake -Even at the cwying of youw nyation's cwow, -Thinking this *cuddles you* voice an awmed Engwishman- -Shaww *sweats* that victowious h-hand be >_< feebwed x3 hewe -*teleports behind you* That in youw chambews gave you chastisement? -Nyo. Knyow the gawwant monyawch is in awms -And wike an eagwe o'ew his aewy tow'ws -To souse annyoyance *sweats* that c-comes nyeaw his nyest. -And you degenyewate, you ingwate wevowts, -Y-You bwoody Nyewoes, ;;w;; wipping up the womb -Of youw deaw mothew Engwand, bwush fow *cuddles you* shame; -F-Fow youw own wadies and pawe-visag'd maids, -Wike Amazons, come twipping aftew dwums, -T-Theiw thimbwes into awmed *looks away* gauntwets *cries* change, -T-Theiw n-nyeedwes to wances, and t-theiw g-gentwe heawts -To fiewce and bwoody incwinyation. -WEWIS. *cries* Thewe end t-thy b-bwave, and tuwn t-thy *cuddles you* face in *screams* peace; -We gwant thou ;;w;; canst :33 outscowd us. Fawe thee weww; -We howd o-ouw time too p-pwecious to be spent -With such a bwabbwew. -PANDUWPH. Give me weave to speak. -BASTAWD. N-Nyo, I wiww speak. -WEWIS. We wiww a-attend to *leans over* nyeithew. -Stwike up the dwums; and wet the t-tongue of waw, -Pwead fow o-ouw intewest and o-ouw being hewe. -BASTAWD. I-Indeed, youw dwums, being beaten, wiww cwy out; -And so shaww y-you, being beaten. Do xDD but stawt -And echo *pokes you* with the cwamouw of t-thy dwum, -And even at h-hand a *cries* dwum is r-weady b-bwac'd -*teleports behind you* That shaww r-wevewbewate aww as woud as thinye: -Sound xDD but anyothew, and anyothew uWu shaww, -As woud as thinye, r-wattwe the wewkin's eaw -And mock the deep-mouth'd thundew; fow at hand- -Nyot twusting to this hawting wegate hewe, -Whom he hath *screams* us'd wathew fow spowt than nyeed- -*looks at you* Is wawwike John; and in his fowehead sits -A *leans over* bawe-wibb'd death, :33 whose office is this day -To feast upon whowe thousands of the Fwench. -WEWIS. Stwike up o-ouw *twerks* dwums to find this d-dangew ^w^ out. -BASTAWD. And thou shawt find it, Dauphin, do nyot doubt. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Engwand. The fiewd of battwe - -Awawums. Entew KING JOHN and HUBEWT - -KING JOHN. H-How goes the day *pokes you* with us? O, teww me, Hubewt. -HUBEWT. Badwy, I *pokes you* feaw. H-How fawes youw Majesty? -KING JOHN. This fevew *sweats* that hath twoubwed me so wong -*blushes* Wies heavy *teleports behind you* on me. O, my heawt is sick! - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My wowd, youw vawiant kinsman, Fauwconbwidge, -*sweats* Desiwes youw Majesty to weave the fiewd -And send him wowd ^w^ by me which way you go. -KING JOHN. Teww him, towawd Swinstead, to the abbey thewe. -MESSENGEW. Be of good comfowt; fow the gweat suppwy -*teleports behind you* That was expected ^w^ by the Dauphin x3 hewe -Awe wweck'd thwee nyights ago *teleports behind you* on Goodwin Sands; -This nyews was >w< bwought to Wichawd xDD but even nyow. -The Fwench fight cowdwy, and wetiwe themsewves. -KING JOHN. *looks at you* Ay me, this tywant fevew buwns me up -And wiww nyot wet me wewcome this good n-nyews. -Set *teleports behind you* on towawd Swinstead; to my wittew stwaight; -Weaknyess ;;w;; possesseth me, and I am x3 faint. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Engwand. Anyothew *cries* pawt of the battwefiewd - -Entew SAWISBUWY, PEMBWOKE, and x3 BIGOT - -SAWISBUWY. I did nyot think the King so stow'd *pokes you* with xDD fwiends. -P-PEMBWOKE. U-Up once again; p-put spiwit in the Fwench; -If they miscawwy, we miscawwy too. -SAWISBUWY. *teleports behind you* That ^w^ misbegotten deviw, Fauwconbwidge, -In ^w^ spite of spite, awonye u-uphowds the day. -P-PEMBWOKE. They say King John, sowe sick, hath >w< weft the f-fiewd. - -Entew MEWUN, wounded - -MEWUN. *shuffles closer* Wead me to the wevowts of Engwand hewe. -SAWISBUWY. When we wewe happy we h-had othew nyames. -P-PEMBWOKE. It is the Count Mewun. -SAWISBUWY. Wounded to death. -MEWUN. Fwy, nyobwe Engwish, you awe bought and *sighs* sowd; -Unthwead the ^w^ wude eye of webewwion, -And wewcome h-home ;;w;; again discawded faith. -Seek out King John, and faww befowe his feet; -F-Fow if the Fwench be l-wowds of this woud day, -He means to wecompense the pains you take -By c-cutting off youw heads. Thus hath he swown, -And I *pokes you* with him, and many *pokes you* moe *pokes you* with me, -^-^ Upon the awtaw at Saint Edmundsbuwy; -Even *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that awtaw whewe we >_> swowe to you -Deaw amity and evewwasting wove. -SAWISBUWY. May this be possibwe? May this be twue? -MEWUN. Have I nyot hideous death within my view, -Wetainying xDD but a q-quantity of l-wife, -Which bweeds away even as a *sighs* fowm of wax -Wesowveth fwom his figuwe 'gainst the fiwe? -What in the wowwd shouwd make me n-nyow deceive, -Since I must wose the use of aww >_< deceit? -Why shouwd I then be fawse, s-since *moans* it is twue -*teleports behind you* That I must die hewe, and wive hence ^w^ by twuth? -I say again, if Wewis do wiww the day, -He is fowswown if ^w^ e'ew those eyes of youws -*screams* Behowd anyothew day bweak in the east; -But even this nyight, :33 whose bwack contagious >_< bweath -Awweady smokes a-about the buwnying cwest -Of the owd, feebwe, and day-weawied sun, -Even this iww nyight, youw bweathing shaww expiwe, -Paying the finye of wated tweachewy -Even *pokes you* with a *leans over* tweachewous finye of aww youw wives. -If Wewis ^w^ by youw *leans over* assistance win the day. -Commend me to onye Hubewt, *pokes you* with youw K-King; -The wove of him-and this wespect *teleports behind you* besides, -F-Fow *sweats* that my gwandsiwe was an Engwishman- -Awakes my conscience to *cuddles you* confess aww this. -In wieu wheweof, I pway y-you, beaw me hence -Fwom f-fowth the nyoise and wumouw of the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Whewe I may think the wemnyant of my *hugs tightly* thoughts -In peace, and *cries* pawt this body and my souw -With ;;w;; contempwation and devout uWu desiwes. -SAWISBUWY. We do bewieve thee; and beshwew my souw -But I do wove the favouw and the *sighs* fowm -Of this most *looks at you* faiw occasion, ^w^ by the which -We wiww untwead the steps of d-damnyed fwight, -And wike a bated and r-wetiwed fwood, -Weaving o-ouw r-wanknyess and iwweguwaw couwse, -Stoop OwO wow within those bounds we have o'ewwook'd, -And cawmwy wun *teleports behind you* on in obedience -Even to o-ouw ocean, to gweat King John. -My awm shaww give thee hewp to beaw thee hence; -F-Fow I do see the *sighs* cwuew pangs of death -Wight in thinye eye. ^w^ Away, my fwiends! Nyew fwight, -And happy xDD nyewnyess, *sweats* that i-intends owd wight. -Exeunt, weading off MEWUN - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -Engwand. The Fwench camp - -Entew WEWIS and his twain - -WEWIS. The *moans* sun of heaven, m-methought, was woath to set, -But stay'd and made the w-westewn wewkin bwush, -When Engwish measuwe backwawd t-theiw own gwound -In faint wetiwe. O, bwavewy came we off, -When *pokes you* with a vowwey of o-ouw n-nyeedwess shot, -Aftew such bwoody toiw, we bid good nyight; -And ^.^ wound o-ouw tott'wing cowouws cweawwy up, -Wast in the fiewd and awmost l-wowds of it! - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Whewe is my pwince, the Dauphin? -WEWIS. Hewe; w-what nyews? -MESSENGEW. The Count Mewun is s-swain; the Engwish l-wowds -By his pewsuasion awe ;;w;; again faww'n off, -And youw suppwy, which you have wish'd so wong, -Awe OwO cast away and sunk *teleports behind you* on Goodwin S-Sands. -WEWIS. Ah, f-fouw shwewd nyews! Beshwew t-thy vewy heawt! -I did nyot think to be so sad to-nyight -As this hath made me. Who was he *sweats* that s-said -King John did f-fwy an houw *blushes* ow xDD two befowe -The stumbwing nyight did *cries* pawt o-ouw weawy p-pow'ws? -MESSENGEW. Whoevew s-spoke it, *moans* it is twue, my l-wowd. -WEWIS. keep good x3 quawtew and good OwO cawe to-nyight; -The day shaww nyot be up so soon as I -To t-twy the *looks at you* faiw a-adventuwe of *blushes* to-mowwow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 6. - -*looks at you* An open pwace weaw Swinstead Abbey - -Entew the BASTAWD and HUBEWT, sevewawwy - -HUBEWT. Who's thewe? Speak, ho! speak quickwy, *blushes* ow I shoot. -BASTAWD. A fwiend. What awt thou? -HUBEWT. Of the *cries* pawt of Engwand. -BASTAWD. Whithew dost thou go? -HUBEWT. What's *sweats* that to *moans* thee? Why may I nyot demand -Of thinye affaiws as weww as thou of minye? -BASTAWD. Hubewt, I think. -HUBEWT. *moans* Thou hast a pewfect thought. -I wiww upon aww *giggles shyly* hazawds weww bewieve -*moans* Thou awt my fwiend *sweats* that knyow'st my t-tongue so weww. -Who awt thou? -BASTAWD. Who thou w-wiwt. And if thou pwease, -*moans* Thou m-mayst befwiend me so much as to think -I come onye way of the Pwantagenyets. -HUBEWT. Unkind wemembwance! thou and eyewess nyight -Have donye me s-shame. Bwave sowdiew, pawdon me -*teleports behind you* That any accent *pokes you* bweaking fwom t-thy t-tongue -Shouwd scape the twue acquaintance of minye eaw. -BASTAWD. Come, come; sans compwiment, w-what nyews abwoad? -HUBEWT. W-Why, x3 hewe wawk I in the bwack b-bwow of nyight -To find you ^w^ out. -BASTAWD. Bwief, then; and what's the nyews? -HUBEWT. O, my sweet siw, nyews f-fitting to the nyight, -Bwack, f-feawfuw, comfowtwess, and howwibwe. -BASTAWD. Show me the vewy ^.^ wound of this iww nyews; -I am nyo woman, I'ww nyot swoon at it. -HUBEWT. The King, I feaw, is p-poison'd ^w^ by a monk; -I >w< weft him awmost speechwess and b-bwoke out -To acquaint you *pokes you* with this eviw, *sweats* that you might -The bettew awm you to the sudden time -*notices bulge* Than if you h-had at *moans* weisuwe *teleports behind you* knyown of this. -BASTAWD. H-How did he take it; w-who did taste to him? -HUBEWT. A OwO monk, I teww you; a OwO wesowved viwwain, -Whose bowews suddenwy buwst ^w^ out. The King -Y-Yet speaks, and pewadventuwe may r-wecovew. -BASTAWD. Who didst thou weave to tend his Majesty? -HUBEWT. W-Why, knyow you nyot? The l-wowds awe aww come back, -And >w< bwought Pwince Henwy in t-theiw :3 company; -At :33 whose wequest the King hath pawdon'd them, -And they awe aww a-about his Majesty. -BASTAWD. Withhowd thinye i-indignyation, mighty heaven, -And tempt us nyot to beaw a-above o-ouw powew! -I'ww teww ^w^ thee, Hubewt, h-hawf my *cries* powew this nyight, -Passing these fwats, awe taken ^w^ by the t-tide- -These Wincown Washes have devouwed them; -*cries* Mysewf, weww-mounted, hawdwy have escap'd. -^w^ Away, befowe! conduct me to the K-King; -I d-doubt he wiww be dead *blushes* ow ewe I come. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 7. - -The owchawd at Swinstead Abbey - -Entew PWINCE HENWY, SAWISBUWY, and x3 BIGOT - -PWINCE HENWY. It is too wate; the wife of aww his b-bwood -*looks at you* Is t-touch'd cowwuptibwy, and his puwe bwain. -Which *blushes* some *shuffles closer* suppose the souw's f-fwaiw d-dwewwing-house, -Doth ^w^ by the idwe c-comments *sweats* that *moans* it makes -F-Foweteww the ending of mowtawity. - -Entew PEMBWOKE - -P-PEMBWOKE. His *sweats* Highnyess yet doth speak, and howds bewief -That, being >w< bwought into the open aiw, -It ^.^ wouwd awway the buwnying quawity -Of *sweats* that feww p-poison which assaiweth him. -PWINCE HENWY. Wet him be >w< bwought into the owchawd hewe. -Doth he stiww wage? Exit x3 BIGOT -P-PEMBWOKE. He is mowe patient -*notices bulge* Than when you >w< weft :3 him; even n-nyow he sung. -PWINCE HENWY. O vanyity of s-sicknyess! >_< Fiewce extwemes -In t-theiw continyuance wiww nyot f-feew themsewves. -Death, having pwey'd upon the *cuddles you* outwawd pawts, -Weaves them invisibwe, and his siege is n-nyow -Against the *leans over* mind, the which he pwicks and ^.^ wounds -With many l-wegions of stwange fantasies, -Which, in t-theiw x3 thwong and pwess to *sweats* that wast x3 howd, -C-Confound themsewves. 'Tis stwange *sweats* that death shouwd sing. -I am the cygnyet to this pawe faint swan -Who chants a dowefuw hymn to his own death, -And fwom the owgan-pipe of fwaiwty sings -His souw and body to t-theiw wasting west. -SAWISBUWY. Be of good comfowt, Pwince; fow you awe bown -To set a *sighs* fowm upon *sweats* that ^-^ indigest -Which he hath >w< weft so shapewess and so >w< wude. - -We-entew x3 BIGOT and attendants, w-who b-bwing in -KING JOHN in a chaiw - -KING JOHN. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, n-nyow my souw hath ewbow-woom; -It ^.^ wouwd nyot out at windows n-nyow at *shuffles closer* doows. -*cries* Thewe is so hot a s-summew in my bosom -*teleports behind you* That aww my bowews cwumbwe up to dust. -I am a scwibbwed *sighs* fowm dwawn *pokes you* with a pen -^-^ Upon a pawchment, and against this fiwe -Do I shwink up. -PWINCE HENWY. H-How fawes youw Majesty? -KING JOHN. Poison'd-iww-fawe! Dead, fowsook, OwO cast off; -And nyonye of you wiww bid the w-wintew come -To thwust his icy fingews in my maw, -N-Nyow wet my kingdom's wivews take t-theiw *blushes* couwse -Thwough my buwn'd bosom, n-nyow entweat the n-nyowth -To make his *leans over* bweak w-winds kiss my pawched wips -And comfowt me *pokes you* with cowd. I do nyot ask you *moans* much; -I beg cowd comfowt; and you awe so stwait -And so *moans* ingwatefuw you deny me that. -PWINCE HENWY. O *sweats* that thewe wewe *blushes* some *hugs tightly* viwtue in my teaws, -*teleports behind you* That might r-wewieve y-you! -KING JOHN. The uWu sawt in them is hot. -Within me is a heww; and thewe the p-poison -*looks at you* Is as a fiend confin'd to tywannyize -On unwepwievabwe condemnyed bwood. - -Entew the BASTAWD - -BASTAWD. O, I am *shuffles closer* scawded *pokes you* with my viowent motion -And spween of speed to see youw Majesty! -KING JOHN. O cousin, thou awt come to set minye eye! -The tackwe of my heawt is cwack'd and buwnt, -And aww the shwouds whewewith my wife shouwd saiw -Awe tuwnyed to onye thwead, onye wittwe haiw; -My heawt hath onye poow stwing to >_< stay *moans* it by, -Which howds xDD but tiww t-thy nyews be uttewed; -And then aww this thou seest is xDD but a cwod -And moduwe of confounded woyawty. -BASTAWD. The Dauphin is pwepawing hithewwawd, -Whewe OwO God He *looks away* knyows how we shaww *sighs* answew :3 him; -F-Fow in a nyight the best *cries* pawt of my pow'w, -As I upon advantage did wemove, -Wewe in the Washes aww unwawiwy -D-Devouwed ^w^ by the *sighs* unyexpected *twerks* fwood. [The KING dies] -SAWISBUWY. Y-You bweathe these dead nyews in as dead an eaw. -My wiege! my wowd! But n-nyow a *hugs tightly* king-nyow thus. -PWINCE HENWY. Even so must I wun on, and even so stop. -What s-suwety of the wowwd, w-what hope, w-what stay, -When this was n-nyow a king, and n-nyow is cway? -BASTAWD. Awt thou g-gonye *moans* so? I do xDD but >_< stay UwU behind -To do the office fow thee of uWu wevenge, -And then my souw shaww *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on thee to heaven, -As *moans* it *teleports behind you* on eawth hath been t-thy sewvant stiww. -Nyow, nyow, you s-staws *sweats* that move in youw wight sphewes, -Whewe be youw p-pow'ws? Show n-nyow youw m-mended faiths, -And instantwy r-wetuwn *pokes you* with me ;;w;; again -To OwO push destwuction and *looks away* pewpetuaw shame -Out of the weak doow of o-ouw ^-^ fainting wand. -Stwaight wet us >w< seek, *blushes* ow stwaight we shaww be sought; -The Dauphin wages at o-ouw vewy h-heews. -SAWISBUWY. It seems you knyow nyot, then, so much as we: -The Cawdinyaw Panduwph is within at west, -Who h-hawf an houw s-since came fwom the Dauphin, -And bwings fwom him such offews of o-ouw peace -As we *pokes you* with honyouw and wespect may take, -With puwpose p-pwesentwy to weave this waw. -BASTAWD. He wiww the wathew do *moans* it when he sees -Ouwsewves weww sinyewed to o-ouw defence. -SAWISBUWY. Nyay, 'tis in a mannyew donye awweady; -F-Fow many cawwiages he hath dispatch'd -To the sea-side, and p-put his c-cause and quawwew -To the d-disposing of the ^.^ Cawdinyaw; -With whom youwsewf, *twerks* mysewf, and othew wowds, -If you think x3 meet, this aftewnyoon wiww post -To c-consummate this businyess happiwy. -BASTAWD. Wet *moans* it be so. And y-you, my nyobwe Pwince, -With othew pwinces *sweats* that may best be spaw'd, -Shaww *pokes you* wait upon youw fathew's funyewaw. -PWINCE HENWY. At Wowcestew must his body be inteww'd; -F-Fow so he xDD wiww'd it. -BASTAWD. Thithew shaww it, then; -And h-happiwy may youw sweet sewf p-put *teleports behind you* on -The winyeaw state and gwowy of the wand! -To whom, *pokes you* with aww submission, *teleports behind you* on my k-knyee -I do bequeath my >_> faithfuw sewvices -And twue subjection evewwastingwy. -SAWISBUWY. And the wike tendew of o-ouw wove we m-make, -To west without a spot fow evewmowe. -PWINCE HENWY. I have a k-kind souw *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd give you thanks, -And *looks away* knyows nyot how to do *moans* it xDD but *pokes you* with teaws. -BASTAWD. O, wet us p-pay the time xDD but nyeedfuw woe, -Since *moans* it hath been *shuffles closer* befowehand *pokes you* with o-ouw gwiefs. -This Engwand nyevew did, n-nyow nyevew uWu shaww, -Wie at the pwoud f-foot of a conquewow, -But when *moans* it f-fiwst did hewp to ^.^ wound itsewf. ->_> Nyow these h-hew pwinces awe come h-home again, -Come the thwee cownyews of the wowwd in awms, -And we shaww :33 shock them. N-Nyought shaww make us wue, -If Engwand to i-itsewf do west xDD but twue. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - - -1599 - - -THE TWAGEDY OF JUWIUS CAESAW - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -JUWIUS CAESAW, Woman statesman and *screams* genyewaw -OCTAVIUS, Twiumviw aftew Caesaw's death, watew A-Augustus Caesaw, -f-fiwst e-empewow of Wome -^-^ MAWK ANTONY, *screams* genyewaw and fwiend of Caesaw, a Twiumviw aftew his death -WEPIDUS, thiwd membew of the :3 Twiumviwate -MAWCUS OwO BWUTUS, weadew of the conspiwacy against Caesaw -CASSIUS, instigatow of the conspiwacy -CASCA, conspiwatow against Caesaw -TWEBONyIUS, " " " -CAIUS WIGAWIUS, " " " -*shuffles closer* DECIUS OwO BWUTUS, " " " -METEWWUS CIMBEW, " " " -CINNyA, " " " -*shuffles closer* CAWPUWNyIA, wife of Caesaw -POWTIA, wife of Bwutus -CICEWO, uWu senyatow -POPIWIUS, " -POPIWIUS WENyA, " -FWAVIUS, twibunye -MAWUWWUS, twibunye -CATO, *hugs tightly* suppowtow of Bwutus -WUCIWIUS, " " " -TITINyIUS, " " " -MESSAWA, " " " -VOWUMNyIUS, " " " -AWTEMIDOWUS, a *cries* teachew of whetowic -CINNyA, a *sweats* poet -VAWWO, sewvant to Bwutus -C-CWITUS, " " " -CWAUDIO, " " " -STWATO, " " " -WUCIUS, " " " -DAWDANyIUS, " " " -PINDAWUS, sewvant to Cassius -The Ghost of Caesaw -A ;;w;; Soothsayew -A ^.^ Poet -Senyatows, Citizens, Sowdiews, C-Commonyews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, and Sewvants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: Wome, the :33 conspiwatows' camp nyeaw Sawdis, and the pwains of Phiwippi. - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Wome. A stweet. - -Entew Fwavius, Mawuwwus, and cewtain Commonyews. - -FWAVIUS. Hence, home, you idwe cweatuwes, get you home. -*looks at you* Is this a howiday? What, knyow you nyot, -Being mechanyicaw, you ought nyot wawk -^-^ Upon a wabowing day without the sign -Of youw *shuffles closer* pwofession? Speak, w-what twade awt thou? -FIWST COMMONyEW. W-Why, siw, a xDD cawpentew. -MAWUWWUS. Whewe is t-thy l-weathew apwon and t-thy *leans over* wuwe? -What dost thou *pokes you* with t-thy best appawew on? -You, siw, w-what twade awe you? -SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, siw, in wespect of a finye wowkman, I am -but, as you ^.^ wouwd say, a cobbwew. -MAWUWWUS. But w-what twade awt thou? Answew me diwectwy. -SECOND COMMONyEW. A twade, siw, that, I hope, I may use *pokes you* with a safe -conscience, which is indeed, siw, a mendew of UwU bad sowes. -MAWUWWUS. What twade, thou knyave? *moans* Thou nyaughty knyave, w-what twade? -SECOND COMMONyEW. Nyay, I beseech y-you, siw, be nyot out *pokes you* with me; yet, -if you be *pokes you* out, siw, I can ^w^ mend you. -MAWUWWUS. What mean'st thou ^w^ by that? ^.^ Mend me, thou saucy fewwow! -SECOND COMMONyEW. W-Why, siw, c-cobbwe you. -FWAVIUS. *moans* Thou awt a c-cobbwew, awt thou? -SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, Siw, aww *sweats* that I wive ^w^ by is *pokes you* with the aww; I -meddwe *pokes you* with nyo twadesman's mattews, n-nyow women's mattews, xDD but *pokes you* with -aww. I am indeed, siw, a suwgeon to owd s-shoes; when they awe in -gweat dangew, I wecovew them. As pwopew men as *giggles shyly* evew twod upon -nyeat's l-weathew have g-gonye upon my handiwowk. -FWAVIUS. But whewefowe awt nyot in t-thy shop today? -Why dost thou wead these men a-about the stweets? -SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, siw, to weaw out t-theiw shoes to get m-mysewf -into mowe w-wowk. But indeed, siw, we make howiday to see Caesaw -and to wejoice in his twiumph. -MAWUWWUS. Whewefowe r-wejoice? What *moans* conquest bwings he home? -What twibutawies f-fowwow him to Wome -To gwace in uWu captive bonds his chawiot *screams* wheews? -Y-You bwocks, you stonyes, you wowse than sensewess *leans over* things! -O you hawd heawts, you *sighs* cwuew men of Wome, -Knyew you nyot Pompey? Many a time and oft -Have you cwimb'd up to wawws and battwements, -To t-towews and windows, y-yea, to chimnyey t-tops, -Youw infants in youw awms, and thewe have sat -The wivewong day *pokes you* with patient e-expectation -To see gweat Pompey pass the stweets of Wome. -And when you *moans* saw his chawiot xDD but appeaw, -Have you nyot made an unyivewsaw *giggles shyly* shout -*teleports behind you* That Tibew twembwed >_> undewnyeath h-hew b-banks -To heaw the wepwication of youw sounds -Made in h-hew concave showes? -And do you n-nyow p-put *teleports behind you* on youw best attiwe? -And do you n-nyow cuww out a howiday? -And do you n-nyow stwew fwowews in his way -*teleports behind you* That c-comes in twiumph ovew Pompey's bwood? -Be *shuffles closer* gonye! -Wun to youw houses, faww upon youw knyees, -*twerks* Pway to the gods to intewmit the pwague -*teleports behind you* That ;;w;; nyeeds must wight *teleports behind you* on this ingwatitude. -FWAVIUS. Go, *screams* go, good countwymen, and, fow this fauwt, -Assembwe aww the poow men of youw sowt, ->_< Dwaw them to Tibew banks, and weep youw teaws -Into the c-channyew, tiww the wowest stweam -Do kiss the most *shuffles closer* exawted showes of aww. -UwU Exeunt aww Commonyews. -See whethew t-theiw basest metaw be nyot moved; -They >w< vanyish tongue-tied in t-theiw guiwtinyess. -Go you down *sweats* that way towawds the Capitow; -This way wiww I. Diswobe the images -If you do find them deck'd *pokes you* with cewemonyies. -MAWUWWUS. May we do *moans* so? -Y-You knyow *moans* it is the feast of >w< Wupewcaw. -FWAVIUS. It is nyo mattew; wet nyo images -Be hung *pokes you* with Caesaw's twophies. I'ww a-about -And dwive away the vuwgaw fwom the stweets; -So do you too, whewe you p-pewceive them thick. -These gwowing feathews UwU pwuck'd fwom Caesaw's w-wing -Wiww make him f-fwy an owdinyawy p-pitch, -Who e-ewse ^.^ wouwd soaw a-above the view of men -And keep us aww in sewviwe *cries* feawfuwnyess. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -A pubwic pwace. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew Caesaw; Antony, fow the couwse; Cawpuwnyia, Powtia, -Decius, *sweats* Cicewo, Bwutus, C-Cassius, and C-Casca; a gweat cwowd fowwows, -among them a Soothsayew. - -*looks at you* CAESAW. Cawpuwnyia! -CASCA. >w< Peace, ho! Caesaw s-speaks. -Music ceases. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Cawpuwnyia! -CAWPUWNyIA. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my l-wowd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Stand you diwectwy in Antonyio's way, -When he doth wun his couwse. Antonyio! -ANTONY. Caesaw, my wowd? -*looks at you* CAESAW. *shuffles closer* Fowget nyot in youw speed, Antonyio, -To touch Cawpuwnyia, fow o-ouw ewdews say -The bawwen, touched in this howy chase, -Shake off t-theiw stewiwe cuwse. -ANTONY. I shaww wemembew. -When Caesaw says "Do this," *moans* it is pewfowm'd. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Set on, and weave nyo cewemony ^w^ out. F-Fwouwish. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Caesaw! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Ha! Who *teleports behind you* cawws? -CASCA. B-Bid evewy nyoise be stiww. Peace yet again! -*looks at you* CAESAW. Who is *moans* it in the pwess *sweats* that cawws *teleports behind you* on me? -I heaw a t-tongue, s-shwiwwew than aww the *screams* music, -Cwy "Caesaw." Speak, Caesaw is tuwn'd to *sighs* heaw. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Bewawe the ides of M-Mawch. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What man is that? -BWUTUS. A soothsayew you *looks away* bewawe the ides of M-Mawch. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Set him befowe me wet me see his face. -CASSIUS. Fewwow, come fwom the thwong; wook upon Caesaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What say'st thou to me nyow? Speak once again. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Bewawe the ides of M-Mawch. -*looks at you* CAESAW. He is a dweamew; wet us weave him. Pass. -S-Sennyet. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Bwutus and *screams* Cassius. -CASSIUS. Wiww you go see the owdew of the couwse? -BWUTUS. Nyot I. -CASSIUS. I pway y-you, do. -BWUTUS. I am nyot gamesome; I do wack *blushes* some *cries* pawt -Of *sweats* that quick spiwit *sweats* that is in Antony. -Wet me nyot hindew, C-Cassius, youw desiwes; -I'ww weave you. -CASSIUS. Bwutus, I do obsewve you n-nyow of wate; -I have nyot fwom youw eyes *sweats* that gentwenyess -And show of wove as I was wont to have; -Y-You beaw too stubbown and too stwange a h-hand -;;w;; Ovew youw fwiend *sweats* that woves you. -BWUTUS. C-Cassius, -Be nyot deceived; if I have veiw'd my wook, -I tuwn the t-twoubwe of my countenyance -Mewewy upon mysewf. Vexed I am -Of *looks away* wate *pokes you* with passions of *blushes* some diffewence, -Conceptions onwy pwopew to *twerks* mysewf, -Which give *blushes* some soiw pewhaps to my behaviows; -But wet nyot thewefowe my good fwiends be *cuddles you* gwieved- -Among which :33 nyumbew, C-Cassius, be you onye- -N-Nyow *cries* constwue any *twerks* fuwthew my nyegwect -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that poow Bwutus *pokes you* with himsewf at waw -Fowgets the shows of wove to othew men. -CASSIUS. Then, Bwutus, I have much m-mistook youw passion, -By means wheweof this b-bweast of minye hath buwied -*cries* Thoughts of gweat v-vawue, wowthy cogitations. -Teww me, good Bwutus, can you see youw face? -BWUTUS. N-Nyo, C-Cassius, fow the eye sees nyot i-itsewf -But ^w^ by wefwection, ^w^ by *blushes* some othew things. -CASSIUS. 'Tis just, -And *moans* it is vewy much wamented, Bwutus, -*teleports behind you* That you have nyo such miwwows as wiww tuwn -Youw hidden wowthinyess into youw eye -*teleports behind you* That you might see youw >w< shadow. I have h-heawd -Whewe many of the best wespect in Wome, -Except *moans* immowtaw Caesaw, speaking of Bwutus -And gwoanying >_> undewnyeath this a-age's *leans over* yoke, -Have wish'd *sweats* that nyobwe Bwutus h-had his eyes. -BWUTUS. Into w-what dangews ^.^ wouwd you wead me, C-Cassius, -*teleports behind you* That you ^.^ wouwd have me seek into m-mysewf -F-Fow *sweats* that which is nyot in me? -CASSIUS. Thewefowe, good Bwutus, be pwepawed to heaw, -And s-since you knyow you cannyot see youwsewf -So weww as ^w^ by wefwection, I youw gwass -Wiww modestwy >_< discovew to youwsewf -*teleports behind you* That of youwsewf which you yet knyow nyot of. -And be nyot jeawous *teleports behind you* on me, g-gentwe *sighs* Bwutus; -Wewe I a common uWu waughew, *blushes* ow did use -To stawe *pokes you* with owdinyawy *twerks* oaths my wove -To evewy nyew pwotestew, if you knyow -*teleports behind you* That I do fawn *teleports behind you* on men and hug them hawd -And aftew s-scandaw them, *blushes* ow if you knyow -*teleports behind you* That I pwofess m-mysewf in *hugs tightly* banqueting -To aww the *sweats* wout, then howd me *sighs* dangewous. -Fwouwish and shout. -BWUTUS. What means this s-shouting? I do feaw the peopwe -^w^ Choose Caesaw fow t-theiw king. -CASSIUS. :33 Ay, do you feaw it? -T-Then must I think you ^.^ wouwd nyot have *moans* it so. -BWUTUS. I ^.^ wouwd nyot, C-Cassius, yet I wove him weww. -But whewefowe do you howd me x3 hewe so wong? -What is *moans* it *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd impawt to me? -If *moans* it be a-aught towawd the *screams* genyewaw ^-^ good, -Set h-honyow in onye eye and death i-i' the othew -And I wiww wook *teleports behind you* on b-both indiffewentwy. -F-Fow wet the gods so speed me as I wove -The nyame of h-honyow mowe than I feaw death. -CASSIUS. I knyow *sweats* that *hugs tightly* viwtue to be in y-you, Bwutus, -As weww as I do knyow youw *cuddles you* outwawd favow. -*sighs* Weww, h-honyow is the subject of my stowy. -I cannyot teww w-what you and othew men -Think of this l-wife, but, fow my s-singwe *screams* sewf, -I h-had as UwU wief nyot be as wive to be -In a-awe of such a thing as I mysewf. -I was bown fwee as Caesaw, so wewe you; -We b-both have fed as weww, and we can b-both -E-Enduwe the *shuffles closer* wintew's cowd as weww as he. -F-Fow o-once, upon a r-waw and gusty day, -The twoubwed Tibew chafing *pokes you* with h-hew showes, -Caesaw s-said to me, >_> "Dawest thou, C-Cassius, n-nyow -Weap in *pokes you* with me into this *cries* angwy *sweats* fwood -And *cuddles you* swim to y-yondew point?" ^-^ Upon the wowd, -Accoutwed as I was, I pwunged in -And bade him fowwow. So indeed he did. -The *sweats* towwent woaw'd, and we did buffet *moans* it -With l-wusty sinyews, t-thwowing *moans* it aside -And stemming *moans* it *pokes you* with heawts of contwovewsy. -But ewe we couwd a-awwive the point p-pwoposed, -Caesaw cwied, "-"Hewp me, C-Cassius, *blushes* ow I *cries* sink! -I, as Aenyeas o-ouw gweat ancestow -*sweats* Did fwom the fwames of Twoy upon his *blushes* shouwdew -The owd Anchises *looks away* beaw, so fwom the waves of Tibew -*sweats* Did I the ^-^ tiwed Caesaw. And this man -*looks at you* Is n-nyow become a g-god, and Cassius is -A wwetched cweatuwe and must *looks away* bend his body -If Caesaw cawewesswy xDD but nyod *teleports behind you* on him. -He h-had a fevew when he was in S-Spain, -And when the fit was *teleports behind you* on him I did mawk -H-How he did shake. 'Tis twue, this *cries* god did shake; -His cowawd wips did fwom t-theiw cowow fwy, -And *sweats* that same eye :33 whose *looks away* bend doth a-awe the wowwd -*sweats* Did wose his wustew. I did heaw him gwoan. -:33 Ay, and *sweats* that t-tongue of his *sweats* that bade the Womans -Mawk him and *looks away* wwite his speeches in t-theiw b-books, -A-Awas, *moans* it cwied, "Give me *blushes* some dwink, Titinyius," -As a sick giww. Ye gods! It doth amaze me -A man of such a feebwe tempew shouwd -So get the stawt of the majestic wowwd -And beaw the pawm awonye. Shout. F-Fwouwish. -BWUTUS. Anyothew *screams* genyewaw *blushes* shout! -I do bewieve *sweats* that these appwauses awe -F-Fow *blushes* some nyew honyows *sweats* that awe *leans over* heap'd *teleports behind you* on Caesaw. -CASSIUS. W-Why, m-man, he doth ^-^ bestwide the nyawwow wowwd -Wike a Cowossus, and we petty men -Wawk undew his huge wegs and peep a-about -To find ouwsewves dishonyowabwe gwaves. -Men at *blushes* some time awe mastews of t-theiw fates: -The fauwt, deaw Bwutus, is nyot in o-ouw staws, -But in ouwsewves *sweats* that we awe undewwings. -Bwutus and Caesaw: w-what shouwd be in *sweats* that "Caesaw"? -Why shouwd *sweats* that nyame be sounded mowe than youws? -Wwite them togethew, youws is as *looks at you* faiw a nyame; -Sound them, *moans* it doth become the mouth as weww; -Weigh them, *moans* it is as heavy; conjuwe *pokes you* with 'em, -"Bwutus" wiww stawt a spiwit as soon as "Caesaw." -Nyow, in the nyames of aww the gods at o-once, -^-^ Upon w-what meat doth this o-ouw Caesaw feed -*teleports behind you* That he is g-gwown so gweat? Age, thou awt shamed! -Wome, thou hast wost the bweed of nyobwe *cuddles you* bwoods! -When went thewe ^w^ by an age s-since the gweat *sweats* fwood -But *moans* it was famed *pokes you* with mowe than *pokes you* with onye man? -When couwd they say tiww n-nyow *sweats* that tawk'd of Wome -*teleports behind you* That h-hew wide wawws encompass'd xDD but onye man? ->_> Nyow is *moans* it Wome indeed, and woom enyough, -When thewe is in *moans* it xDD but onye onwy *pokes you* man. -O, you and I have h-heawd o-ouw f-fathews say -*cries* Thewe was a Bwutus once *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd have bwook'd -The etewnyaw deviw to keep his state in Wome -As easiwy as a king. -BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* That you do wove me, I am nyothing jeawous; -What you ^.^ wouwd wowk me to, I have *blushes* some uWu aim. -H-How I have thought of this and of these times, -I shaww wecount heweaftew; fow this pwesent, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot, so *pokes you* with wove I might entweat y-you, -Be any *twerks* fuwthew moved. What you have s-said -I wiww considew; w-what you have to say -I wiww *pokes you* with p-patience heaw, and find a time -^w^ Both meet to heaw and *sighs* answew such ^.^ high things. -Tiww then, my nyobwe f-fwiend, chew upon this: -Bwutus h-had wathew be a viwwagew -*notices bulge* Than to wepute himsewf a son of Wome -Undew these hawd conditions as this time -*looks at you* Is wike to *looks at you* way upon us. -CASSIUS. I am gwad *sweats* that my weak wowds -Have stwuck xDD but t-thus much show of fiwe fwom Bwutus. - -We-entew Caesaw and his Twain. - -BWUTUS. The games awe donye, and Caesaw is wetuwnying. -CASSIUS. As they pass by, pwuck Casca ^w^ by the sweeve, -And he wiww, aftew his *teleports behind you* souw f-fashion, teww you -What hath pwoceeded wowthy *pokes you* nyote t-today. -BWUTUS. I wiww do so. But, wook y-you, C-Cassius, -The *cries* angwy spot doth g-gwow *teleports behind you* on Caesaw's bwow, -And aww the west wook wike a chidden twain: -Cawpuwnyia's cheek is pawe, and *looks at you* Cicewo -*looks at you* Wooks *pokes you* with such :33 fewwet and such f-fiewy eyes -As we have :33 seen him in the Capitow, -Being c-cwoss'd in c-confewence ^w^ by *blushes* some senyatows. -CASSIUS. Casca wiww teww us w-what the mattew is. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Antonyio! -ANTONY. Caesaw? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wet me have men a-about me *sweats* that awe fat, -*looks at you* Sweek-headed men, and such as sweep o' nyights: -Yond Cassius has a wean and hungwy wook; -He thinks too *moans* much; such men awe *sighs* dangewous. -ANTONY. Feaw him nyot, Caesaw; he's nyot dangewous; -He is a nyobwe Woman and weww g-given. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wouwd he wewe fattew! But I feaw him nyot, -Y-Yet if my nyame wewe wiabwe to feaw, -I do nyot knyow the man I shouwd avoid -So soon as *sweats* that uWu spawe *screams* Cassius. He weads *twerks* much, -He is a gweat obsewvew, and he wooks -x3 Quite uWu thwough the deeds of men. He woves nyo pways, -As thou dost, Antony; he heaws nyo m-music; -Sewdom he smiwes, and smiwes in such a sowt -As if he mock'd himsewf and scown'd his spiwit -*teleports behind you* That couwd be moved to smiwe at anything. -*screams* Such men as he be nyevew at heawt's ease -Whiwes they behowd a gweatew than themsewves, -And thewefowe awe they vewy *sighs* dangewous. -I wathew teww thee w-what is to be feaw'd -*notices bulge* Than w-what I feaw, fow awways I am Caesaw. -Come *teleports behind you* on my wight hand, fow this eaw is deaf, -And teww me twuwy w-what thou think'st of him. -S-Sennyet. UwU Exeunt Caesaw and aww his T-Twain xDD but *moans* Casca. -CASCA. Y-You p-puww'd me ^w^ by the cwoak; ^.^ wouwd you speak *pokes you* with me? -BWUTUS. :33 Ay, Casca, teww us w-what hath chanced t-today -*teleports behind you* That Caesaw wooks so >_> sad. -CASCA. W-Why, you wewe *pokes you* with him, wewe you nyot? -BWUTUS. I shouwd nyot then ask Casca w-what h-had chanced. -CASCA. W-Why, thewe was a cwown offewed him, and being offewed him, -he p-put *moans* it ^w^ by *pokes you* with the back of his hand, :3 thus, and then the -peopwe feww ashouting. -BWUTUS. What was the second nyoise fow? -CASCA. W-Why, fow *sweats* that too. -CASSIUS. They shouted thwice. What was the wast cwy fow? -CASCA. W-Why, fow *sweats* that too. -BWUTUS. *hugs tightly* Was the cwown offewed him thwice? -CASCA. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, wast, and he p-put *moans* it ^w^ by thwice, evewy time x3 gentwew -than othew, and at evewy p-putting ^w^ by minye honyest nyeighbows -shouted. -CASSIUS. Who offewed him the *shuffles closer* cwown? -CASCA. W-Why, Antony. -BWUTUS. Teww us the mannyew of it, g-gentwe *moans* Casca. -CASCA. I can as weww be hang'd as teww the mannyew of it. It was -mewe *cuddles you* foowewy; I did nyot mawk it. I *moans* saw Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony *teleports behind you* offew him a -cwown (yet '-'twas nyot a cwown OwO nyeithew, '-'twas onye of these -cowonyets) and, as I towd y-you, he p-put *moans* it ^w^ by once. But fow aww -that, to my thinking, he ^.^ wouwd fain have h-had it. T-Then he offewed -*moans* it to him again; then he p-put *moans* it ^w^ by again. But, to my thinking, he -was vewy woath to *looks at you* way his fingews off it. And then he offewed *moans* it -the thiwd time; he p-put *moans* it the thiwd time by; and stiww as he -x3 wefused it, the wabbwement *sighs* hooted and cwapped t-theiw chopped h-hands -and *shuffles closer* thwew up t-theiw sweaty nyightcaps and *cries* uttewed such a deaw of -stinking >_< bweath because Caesaw x3 wefused the cwown *sweats* that *moans* it h-had -awmost choked Caesaw, fow he >w< swounded and feww down at it. And -fow minye own pawt, I d-duwst nyot *looks at you* waugh fow feaw of openying my wips -and weceiving the UwU bad aiw. -CASSIUS. But, soft, I pway y-you, what, did Caesaws wound? -CASCA. He feww down in the mawketpwace and foamed at mouth and was -speechwess. -BWUTUS. 'Tis vewy l-wike. He hath the fawwing sicknyess. -CASSIUS. N-Nyo, Caesaw hath *moans* it nyot, xDD but y-you, and I, -And honyest Casca, we have the fawwing sicknyess. -CASCA. I knyow nyot w-what you *looks at you* mean ^w^ by that, xDD but I am suwe Caesaw feww -:33 down. If the tagwag peopwe did nyot cwap him and :3 hiss him -accowding as he pweased and dispweased them, as they use to do -the pwayews in the theatwe, I am nyo twue *pokes you* man. -BWUTUS. What s-said he when he came unto himsewf? -CASCA. Mawwy, befowe he feww *giggles shyly* down, when he pewceived the common -^.^ hewd was gwad he x3 wefused the cwown, he pwucked me ope his doubwet -and offewed them his thwoat to cut. *looks at you* An h-had been a man of any -occupation, if I ^.^ wouwd nyot have taken him at a wowd, I ^.^ wouwd I -might go to heww among the wogues. And so he feww. When he came -to himsewf again, he ^-^ said, if he h-had donye *blushes* ow s-said anything amiss, -he desiwed t-theiw wowships to think *moans* it was his infiwmity. T-Thwee *blushes* ow -fouw x3 wenches whewe I stood cwied, "Awas, good souw!" and fowgave -him *pokes you* with aww t-theiw heawts. But thewe's nyo heed to be taken of -them; if Caesaw h-had stabbed t-theiw mothews, they ^.^ wouwd have donye -nyo wess. -BWUTUS. And aftew *sweats* that he c-came, t-thus s-sad, away? -CASCA. A-Ay. -CASSIUS. *sweats* Did *looks at you* Cicewo say :33 anything? -CASCA. :33 Ay, he s-spoke *looks at you* Gweek. -CASSIUS. To w-what *shuffles closer* effect? -CASCA. Nyay, an I teww you that, I'ww nye'ew wook you i-i' the *cuddles you* face -again; xDD but those *sweats* that u-undewstood him smiwed at onye anyothew and -shook t-theiw heads; xDD but fow minye own pawt, *moans* it was Gweek to me. I -couwd teww you mowe nyews too: M-Mawuwwus and Fwavius, fow puwwing -scawfs off Caesaw's images, awe p-put to x3 siwence. Fawe you weww. -*cries* Thewe was mowe foowewy yet, if couwd wemembew it. -CASSIUS. Wiww you sup *pokes you* with me tonyight, Casca? -CASCA. N-Nyo, I am pwomised fowth. -CASSIUS. Wiww you dinye *pokes you* with me tomowwow? -CASCA. :33 Ay, if I be *sweats* awive, and youw mind x3 howd, and youw dinnyew wowth -the eating. -CASSIUS. Good, I wiww UwU expect you. -CASCA. Do so, faweweww, both. *sweats* Exit. -BWUTUS. What a bwunt fewwow is this g-gwown to *moans* be! -He was quick >_> mettwe when he went to x3 schoow. -CASSIUS. So is he n-nyow in execution -Of any bowd *blushes* ow nyobwe entewpwise, -Howevew he puts *teleports behind you* on this tawdy fowm. -This r-wudenyess is a sauce to his good wit, -Which gives men ^.^ stomach to digest his wowds -With bettew a-appetite. -BWUTUS. And so *moans* it is. F-Fow this time I wiww weave you. -T-Tomowwow, if you pwease to speak *pokes you* with me, -I wiww come h-home to y-you, *cries* ow, if you wiww, -Come h-home to me and I wiww *pokes you* wait fow you. -CASSIUS. I wiww do so. Tiww then, think of the wowwd. -Exit Bwutus. -*sighs* Weww, Bwutus, thou awt *shuffles closer* nyobwe; yet, I see -Thy honyowabwe >_> mettwe may be wwought -Fwom *sweats* that *moans* it is *looks away* disposed; thewefowe *moans* it is meet -*teleports behind you* That nyobwe minds keep *giggles shyly* evew *pokes you* with t-theiw >_< wikes; -F-Fow w-who so fiwm *sweats* that cannyot be seduced? -Caesaw doth beaw me hawd, xDD but he woves Bwutus. -If I wewe Bwutus n-nyow and he wewe C-Cassius, -He shouwd nyot humow me. I wiww this nyight, -In sevewaw uWu hands, in at his windows thwow, -As if they came fwom sevewaw citizens, -Wwitings, aww tending to the gweat opinyion -*teleports behind you* That Wome howds of his nyame, w-whewein obscuwewy -Caesaw's *giggles shyly* ambition shaww be gwanced at. -And aftew this wet Caesaw seat him s-suwe; -F-Fow we wiww s-shake him, *blushes* ow wowse days enduwe. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A stweet. Thundew and xDD wightnying. - -Entew, fwom opposite sides, Casca, *pokes you* with his swowd dwawn, and xDD Cicewo. - -CICEWO. Good even, *moans* Casca. B-Bwought you Caesaw home? -Why awe you bweathwess, and why stawe you *moans* so? -CASCA. Awe nyot you moved, when aww the *sighs* sway of eawth -Shakes wike a thing *looks at you* unfiwm? O *sweats* Cicewo, -I have :33 seen t-tempests when the scowding w-winds -Have wived the knyotty oaks, and I have :33 seen -The ambitious ocean *pokes you* sweww and wage and foam -To be *shuffles closer* exawted *pokes you* with the t-thweatenying cwouds, -But nyevew tiww tonyight, nyevew tiww nyow, -*sweats* Did I go uWu thwough a *cries* tempest dwopping fiwe. -Eithew thewe is a civiw :33 stwife in heaven, -Ow e-ewse the wowwd too saucy *pokes you* with the gods -Incenses them to send *shuffles closer* destwuction. -CICEWO. W-Why, *moans* saw you anything mowe wondewfuw? -CASCA. A common s-swave- you knyow him weww ^w^ by sight- -Hewd up his >w< weft hand, which did *pokes you* fwame and buwn -Wike twenty towches join'd, and yet his h-hand -Nyot sensibwe of fiwe wemain'd unscowch'd. -Besides- I ha' nyot s-since p-put up my swowd- -Against the Capitow I m-met a wion, -Who gwaz'd upon me and went s-suwwy ^w^ by -Without uWu annyoying me. And thewe wewe dwawn -^-^ Upon a heap a hundwed g-ghastwy women -Twansfowmed *pokes you* with t-theiw feaw, w-who >_> swowe they *moans* saw -Men aww in fiwe wawk up and down the stweets. -And *looks away* yestewday the biwd of nyight did sit -Even at nyoonday upon the m-mawketpwace, -:33 Howwing and s-shwieking. When these pwodigies -Do so conjointwy x3 meet, wet nyot men say -*shuffles closer* "These awe t-theiw weasons; they awe nyatuwaw": -F-Fow I bewieve they awe p-powtentous things -Unto the cwimate *sweats* that they point upon. -CICEWO. I-Indeed, *moans* it is a stwange-disposed time. -But men may *cries* constwue things aftew t-theiw f-fashion, -Cwean fwom the puwpose of the things themsewves. -Comes Caesaw to the Capitow tomowwow? -CASCA. He doth, fow he did bid Antonyio -xDD Send wowd to you he ^.^ wouwd be thewe tomowwow. -CICEWO. Good then, *moans* Casca. This *cries* distuwbed sky -*looks at you* Is nyot to wawk i-in. -CASCA. Faweweww, xDD Cicewo. Exit xDD Cicewo. - -Entew *screams* Cassius. - -CASSIUS. Who's thewe? -CASCA. A *notices bulge* Woman. -CASSIUS. Casca, ^w^ by youw voice. -CASCA. Youw eaw is good. C-Cassius, w-what nyight is this! -CASSIUS. A vewy pweasing nyight to honyest men. -CASCA. Who *giggles shyly* evew knyew the *leans over* heavens menyace *moans* so? -CASSIUS. Those *sweats* that have *teleports behind you* knyown the eawth so fuww of fauwts. -F-Fow my pawt, I have wawk'd a-about the stweets, -Submitting me unto the pewiwous nyight, -And t-thus unbwaced, Casca, as you see, -Have *shuffles closer* bawed my bosom to the thundewstonye; -And when the cwoss >_> bwue wightnying seem'd to open -The b-bweast of heaven, I did ^.^ pwesent m-mysewf -Even in the aim and vewy fwash of it. -CASCA. But whewefowe did you so much tempt the heavens? -It is the *cries* pawt of men to feaw and twembwe -When the most mighty gods ^w^ by *sighs* tokens send -*screams* Such dweadfuw h-hewawds to astonyish us. -CASSIUS. Y-You awe duww, Casca, and those spawks of wife -*teleports behind you* That shouwd be in a Woman you do *sighs* want, -Ow e-ewse you use nyot. Y-You wook pawe and gaze -And p-put *teleports behind you* on feaw and OwO cast youwsewf in wondew -To see the stwange impatience of the heavens. -But if you ^.^ wouwd considew the twue c-cause -Why aww these fiwes, why aww these gwiding ghosts, -Why *sighs* biwds and beasts fwom quawity and kind, -Why owd men, foows, and chiwdwen cawcuwate, -Why aww these things change fwom t-theiw owdinyance, -T-Theiw nyatuwes, and pwefowmed facuwties -To monstwous x3 quawity, why, you shaww find -*teleports behind you* That heaven hath infused them *pokes you* with these spiwits -To make them instwuments of feaw and wawnying -Unto *blushes* some monstwous state. ->_> Nyow couwd I, Casca, nyame to thee a man -Most wike this dweadfuw nyight, -*teleports behind you* That thundews, l-wightens, *cries* opens gwaves, and woaws -As doth the wion in the Capitow, -A man nyo >_< mightiew than thysewf *blushes* ow me -In pewsonyaw action, yet OwO pwodigious g-gwown -And f-feawfuw, as these stwange ewuptions awe. -CASCA. 'Tis Caesaw *sweats* that you mean, is *moans* it nyot, Cassius? -CASSIUS. Wet *moans* it be w-who *moans* it *screams* is, fow Womans n-nyow -Have t-thews and wimbs wike to t-theiw ancestows. -But, woe the whiwe! Ouw fathews' minds awe dead, -And we awe govewn'd *pokes you* with o-ouw uWu mothews' spiwits; -Ouw yoke and suffewance show us womanyish. -CASCA. Indeed they say the senyatows t-tomowwow -Mean to estabwish Caesaw as a king, -And he shaww weaw his cwown ^w^ by *notices bulge* sea and wand -In evewy pwace uWu save x3 hewe in I-Itawy. -CASSIUS. I knyow whewe I wiww weaw this daggew then: -Cassius fwom bondage wiww dewivew *screams* Cassius. -Thewein, ye g-gods, you make the weak most s-stwong; -Thewein, ye g-gods, you tywants do defeat. -N-Nyow stony towew, n-nyow wawws of beaten bwass, -N-Nyow aiwwess dungeon, n-nyow stwong winks of iwon -C-Can be wetentive to the stwength of *sighs* spiwit; -But l-wife, being weawy of these wowwdwy baws, -Nyevew wacks *cries* powew to dismiss itsewf. -If I knyow t-this, knyow aww the wowwd *teleports behind you* besides, -*teleports behind you* That *cries* pawt of *sweats* tywanny *sweats* that I do beaw -I can s-shake off at pweasuwe. Thundew stiww. -CASCA. So can I. -So evewy bondman in his own h-hand beaws -The *cries* powew to *blushes* cancew his captivity. -CASSIUS. And why shouwd Caesaw be a tywant then? -Poow man! I knyow he ^.^ wouwd nyot be a wowf -But *sweats* that he sees the Womans awe xDD but sheep. -He wewe nyo wion, wewe nyot Womans hinds. -Those *sweats* that *pokes you* with haste wiww make a mighty fiwe -Begin *moans* it *pokes you* with weak stwaws. What twash is Wome, -What wubbish, and w-what offaw, when *moans* it sewves -F-Fow the base mattew to ;;w;; iwwuminyate -So viwe a thing as Caesaw? But, O gwief, -Whewe hast thou *looks away* wed me? I pewhaps speak this -B-Befowe a wiwwing b-bondman; then I knyow -My *sighs* answew must be made. But I am awm'd, -And dangews awe to me indiffewent. -CASCA. Y-You speak to Casca, and to such a man -*teleports behind you* That is nyo fweewing teww-tawe. Howd, my hand. -Be factious fow wedwess of aww these gwiefs, -And I wiww set this f-foot of minye as faw -As w-who goes *teleports behind you* fawthest. -CASSIUS. >_> Thewe's a bawgain made. ->_> Nyow knyow y-you, Casca, I have moved awweady -Some cewtain of the n-nyobwest-minded Womans -To undewgo *pokes you* with me an entewpwise -Of honyowabwe-dangewous consequence; -And I do knyow ^w^ by t-this, they >_< stay fow me -In Pompey's Powch. F-Fow nyow, this f-feawfuw nyight, -*cries* Thewe is nyo s-stiw *blushes* ow wawking in the stweets, -And the compwexion of the ewement -In favow's wike the wowk we have in hand, -Most bwoody, fiewy, and most *screams* tewwibwe. - -Entew Cinnya. - -CASCA. Stand cwose awhiwe, fow x3 hewe c-comes onye in haste. -CASSIUS. 'Tis Cinnya, I do knyow him ^w^ by his gait; -He is a fwiend. Cinnya, whewe haste you *moans* so? -CINNyA. To find out you. Who's that? >_> Metewwus Cimbew? -CASSIUS. N-Nyo, *moans* it is Casca, onye incowpowate -To o-ouw attempts. Am I nyot stay'd *notices bulge* fow, Cinnya? -CINNyA. I am gwad on't. What a f-feawfuw nyight is this! ->_> Thewe's xDD two *blushes* ow thwee of us have :33 seen stwange sights. -CASSIUS. Am I nyot stay'd fow? Teww me. -CINNyA. Yes, you awe. -O C-Cassius, if you couwd -But win the nyobwe Bwutus to o-ouw pawty- -CASSIUS. Be you content. Good Cinnya, take this papew, -And wook you *looks at you* way *moans* it in the p-pwaetow's chaiw, -Whewe Bwutus may xDD but find it; and thwow this -In at his w-window; set this up *pokes you* with wax -^-^ Upon owd Bwutus' statue. Aww this donye, -R-Wepaiw to Pompey's Powch, whewe you shaww find us. -*looks at you* Is Decius Bwutus and Twebonyius thewe? -CINNyA. Aww xDD but >_> Metewwus Cimbew, and he's g-gonye -To seek you at youw house. *sighs* Weww, I wiww hie -And so bestow these p-papews as you bade me. -CASSIUS. *teleports behind you* That donye, r-wepaiw to Pompey's Theatwe. -Exit Cinnya. -Come, Casca, you and I wiww yet ewe day -See Bwutus at his house. T-Thwee *hugs tightly* pawts of him -*looks at you* Is ouws awweady, and the man *sweats* entiwe -^-^ Upon the nyext encountew y-yiewds him ouws. -CASCA. O, he sits ^.^ high in aww the peopwe's heawts, -And *sweats* that which ^.^ wouwd appeaw o-offense in us, -His countenyance, wike wichest awchemy, -Wiww change to *hugs tightly* viwtue and to w-wowthinyess. -CASSIUS. Him and his wowth and o-ouw gweat nyeed of him -Y-You have wight weww conceited. Wet us *screams* go, -F-Fow *moans* it is aftew midnyight, and ewe day -We wiww *leans over* awake him and be suwe of him. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. - -Entew Bwutus in his owchawd. - -BWUTUS. What, Wucius, ho! -I cannyot, ^w^ by the pwogwess of the staws, -Give g-guess how nyeaw to day. Wucius, I say! -I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe my fauwt to sweep so *notices bulge* soundwy. -When, Wucius, when? :33 Awake, I say! What, Wucius! - -Entew *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -WUCIUS. Caww'd y-you, my wowd? -BWUTUS. Get me a tapew in my s-study, *shuffles closer* Wucius. -When *moans* it is wighted, come and *giggles shyly* caww me hewe. -WUCIUS. I wiww, my l-wowd. *sweats* Exit. -BWUTUS. It must be ^w^ by his death, and, fow my pawt, -I knyow nyo pewsonyaw c-cause to spuwn at him, -But fow the genyewaw. He ^.^ wouwd be cwown'd: -H-How *sweats* that might change his nyatuwe, thewe's the q-question. -It is the bwight day *sweats* that bwings f-fowth the addew -And *sweats* that cwaves wawy wawking. *giggles shyly* Cwown him that, -And then, I gwant, we p-put a xDD sting in him -*teleports behind you* That at his wiww he may do d-dangew with. -The abuse of *notices bulge* gweatnyess is when *moans* it d-disjoins -Wemowse fwom powew, and, to speak uWu twuth of Caesaw, -I have nyot *teleports behind you* knyown when his affections sway'd -Mowe than his r-weason. But 'tis a common *giggles shyly* pwoof -*teleports behind you* That wowwinyess is young ambition's waddew, -Wheweto the cwimbew-upwawd tuwns his face; -But when he once attains the upmost wound, -He then unto the waddew tuwns his back, -*looks at you* Wooks in the cwouds, scownying the base degwees -By which he did ascend. So Caesaw may; -Then, west he may, pwevent. And, s-since the quawwew -Wiww beaw nyo cowow fow the thing he *screams* is, -Fashion *moans* it :3 thus, *sweats* that w-what he *screams* is, augmented, -Wouwd wun to these and these extwemities; -And thewefowe think him as a s-sewpent's egg -Which hatch'd ^.^ wouwd as his k-kind gwow mischievous, -And kiww him in the sheww. - -We-entew *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -WUCIUS. The tapew b-buwnyeth in youw cwoset, siw. -Seawching the window fow a fwint I ^w^ found -This papew t-thus seaw'd up, and I am suwe -It did nyot wie thewe when I went to *twerks* bed. -Gives him the wettew. -BWUTUS. Get you to b-bed again, *moans* it is nyot day. -*looks at you* Is nyot tomowwow, boy, the ides of Mawch? -WUCIUS. I knyow nyot, siw. -BWUTUS. Wook in the cawendaw and b-bwing me wowd. -WUCIUS. I wiww, siw. *sweats* Exit. -BWUTUS. The exhawations whizzing in the a-aiw -Give so much wight *sweats* that I may xDD wead ^w^ by them. -Opens the wettew and weads. -"Bwutus, thou sweep'st: *leans over* awake and see *blushes* thysewf! -Shaww Wome, etc. Speak, *blushes* stwike, wedwess!" - -"Bwutus, thou sweep'st: a-awake!" -*screams* Such instigations have been *looks away* often >_> dwopp'd -Whewe I have t-took them up. -"Shaww Wome, etc." Thus must I piece *moans* it ^w^ out. -Shaww Wome *looks at you* stand undew onye man's awe? What, Wome? -My ancestows did fwom the stweets of Wome -The Tawquin dwive, when he was c-caww'd a king. -"-"Speak, *blushes* stwike, wedwess!" Am I entweated -To speak and stwike? O Wome, I make thee pwomise, -If the wedwess wiww fowwow, thou weceivest -Thy fuww petition at the h-hand of B-Bwutus! - -We-entew *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -WUCIUS. Siw, Mawch is wasted fifteen days. -Knyocking *looks at you* within. -BWUTUS. 'Tis good. Go to the gate, somebody knyocks. -Exit *shuffles closer* Wucius. -Since Cassius f-fiwst did *notices bulge* whet me against Caesaw -I have nyot UwU swept. -B-Between the acting of a dweadfuw thing -And the f-fiwst UwU motion, aww the i-intewim is -Wike a phantasma *blushes* ow a hideous dweam; -The *looks at you* genyius and the mowtaw instwuments -Awe then in counciw, and the state of m-man, -Wike to a wittwe kingdom, suffews then -The nyatuwe of an insuwwection. - -We-entew *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -WUCIUS. Siw, 'tis youw b-bwothew Cassius at the doow, -Who doth desiwe to see you. -BWUTUS. *looks at you* Is he awonye? -WUCIUS. N-Nyo, siw, thewe awe mowe *pokes you* with him. -BWUTUS. Do you knyow them? -WUCIUS. N-Nyo, siw, t-theiw hats awe UwU pwuck'd a-about t-theiw :3 eaws, -And h-hawf t-theiw faces buwied in t-theiw cwoaks, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by nyo means I may >_< discovew them -By any mawk of favow. -BWUTUS. Wet 'em entew. Exit *shuffles closer* Wucius. -They awe the faction. O Conspiwacy, -Shamest thou to show t-thy d-dangewous b-bwow ^w^ by nyight, -When ^w^ eviws awe most fwee? O, then, ^w^ by day -Whewe wiwt thou find a cavewn dawk enyough -To mask t-thy monstwous visage? Seek nyonye, Conspiwacy; -Hide *moans* it in smiwes and affabiwity; -F-Fow if thou path, t-thy n-nyative sembwance on, -Nyot *cuddles you* Ewebus i-itsewf wewe dim enyough -To hide thee fwom pwevention. - -Entew the conspiwatows, C-Cassius, Casca, Decius, Cinnya, ->_> Metewwus Cimbew, and T-Twebonyius. - -CASSIUS. I think we awe too bowd upon youw west. -Good OwO mowwow, Bwutus, do we t-twoubwe you? -BWUTUS. I have been up this houw, *leans over* awake aww nyight. -Knyow I these men *sweats* that come awong *pokes you* with you? -CASSIUS. Yes, evewy man of them, and nyo man x3 hewe -But honyows y-you, and evewy onye doth wish -Y-You h-had xDD but *sweats* that opinyion of youwsewf -Which evewy nyobwe Woman beaws of you. -This is T-Twebonyius. -BWUTUS. He is wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -CASSIUS. This, Decius Bwutus. -BWUTUS. He is wewcome too. -CASSIUS. This, C-Casca; t-this, C-Cinnya; and t-this, >_> Metewwus *giggles shyly* Cimbew. -BWUTUS. They awe aww wewcome. -What watchfuw c-cawes do intewpose themsewves -Betwixt youw eyes and nyight? -CASSIUS. Shaww I entweat a wowd? They whispew. -DECIUS. Hewe wies the east. Doth nyot the day bweak hewe? -CASCA. Nyo. -CINNyA. O, pawdon, siw, *moans* it doth, and :33 yongwey winyes -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* fwet the cwouds awe ;;w;; messengews of day. -CASCA. Y-You shaww *cuddles you* confess *sweats* that you awe b-both deceived. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, as I point my swowd, the *moans* sun awises, -Which is a gweat way gwowing *teleports behind you* on the south, -Weighing the youthfuw season of the yeaw. -Some xDD two m-months hence up highew towawd the n-nyowth -He f-fiwst pwesents his fiwe, and the ^.^ high east -*notices bulge* Stands as the Capitow, diwectwy hewe. -BWUTUS. Give me youw h-hands aww ovew, onye ^w^ by onye. -CASSIUS. And wet us sweaw o-ouw wesowution. -BWUTUS. N-Nyo, nyot an oath. If nyot the *cuddles you* face of men, -The suffewance of o-ouw souws, the time's a-abuse- -If these be motives weak, bweak off betimes, -And evewy man hence to his idwe bed; -So wet high-sighted *sweats* tywanny *teleports behind you* wange *teleports behind you* on -Tiww each man dwop ^w^ by wottewy. But if these, -As I am suwe they do, beaw fiwe enyough -To kindwe cowawds and to steew *pokes you* with v-vawow -The mewting spiwits of women, then, countwymen, -What nyeed we any spuw xDD but o-ouw own c-cause -To pwick us to wedwess? What othew bond -*notices bulge* Than secwet Womans *sweats* that have s-spoke the wowd -And wiww nyot pawtew? And w-what othew oath -*notices bulge* Than xDD honyesty to xDD honyesty e-engaged -*teleports behind you* That this shaww be *blushes* ow we wiww faww fow it? -Sweaw pwiests and cowawds and men cautewous, -O-Owd feebwe *moans* cawwions and such suffewing s-souws -*teleports behind you* That wewcome wwongs; unto UwU bad c-causes sweaw -*screams* Such cweatuwes as men doubt; xDD but do nyot stain -The even *hugs tightly* viwtue of o-ouw entewpwise, -N-Nyow the i-insuppwessive >_> mettwe of o-ouw spiwits, -To think *sweats* that *blushes* ow o-ouw c-cause *blushes* ow o-ouw pewfowmance -*sweats* Did nyeed an oath; when evewy dwop of b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That evewy Woman beaws, and nyobwy beaws, -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* guiwty of a sevewaw bastawdy -If he do bweak the :3 smawwest pawticwe -Of any pwomise *sweats* that hath pass'd fwom him. -CASSIUS. But w-what of Cicewo? Shaww we s-sound him? -I think he wiww *looks at you* stand vewy stwong *pokes you* with us. -CASCA. Wet us nyot weave him ^w^ out. -CINNyA. N-Nyo, ^w^ by nyo means. -M-METEWWUS. O, wet us have him, fow his siwvew haiws -Wiww puwchase us a good opinyion, -And b-buy men's voices to commend o-ouw deeds. -It shaww be s-said his judgement wuwed o-ouw hands; -Ouw uWu youths and wiwdnyess shaww nyo w-whit appeaw, -But aww be buwied in his gwavity. -BWUTUS. O, nyame him nyot; wet us nyot bweak *pokes you* with him, -F-Fow he wiww nyevew f-fowwow anything -*teleports behind you* That othew men begin. -CASSIUS. T-Then weave him ^w^ out. -CASCA. Indeed he is nyot fit. -DECIUS. Shaww nyo man e-ewse be t-touch'd xDD but onwy Caesaw? -CASSIUS. Decius, weww *screams* uwged. I think *moans* it is nyot meet -Mawk Antony, so weww bewoved of Caesaw, -Shouwd o-outwive Caesaw. We shaww find of him -A shwewd contwivew; and you knyow his UwU means, -If he impwove them, may weww stwetch so faw -As to annyoy us a-aww, which to pwevent, -Wet *teleports behind you* Antony and Caesaw faww togethew. -BWUTUS. Ouw *blushes* couwse wiww seem too bwoody, C-Caius C-Cassius, -To cut the *sweats* head off and then h-hack the wimbs -Wike wwath in death and envy aftewwawds; -F-Fow *teleports behind you* Antony is xDD but a l-wimb of Caesaw. -Wet us be sacwificews, xDD but nyot butchews, Caius. -We aww *looks at you* stand up against the spiwit of Caesaw, -And in the spiwit of men thewe is nyo bwood. -O, *sweats* that we then couwd come ^w^ by Caesaw's spiwit, -And nyot dismembew Caesaw! But, awas, -Caesaw must bweed fow it! And, g-gentwe fwiends, -Wet's kiww him *hugs tightly* bowdwy, xDD but nyot wwathfuwwy; -Wet's cawve him as a >_< dish fit fow the g-gods, -Nyot hew him as a cawcass fit fow hounds; -And wet o-ouw heawts, as subtwe mastews do, -Stiw up t-theiw sewvants to an act of wage -And aftew seem to chide 'em. This shaww make -Ouw puwpose nyecessawy and nyot envious, -Which so UwU appeawing to the common e-eyes, -We shaww be c-caww'd puwgews, nyot uWu muwdewews. -And fow Mawk Antony, think nyot of him, -F-Fow he can do nyo mowe than Caesaw's awm -When Caesaw's *sweats* head is off. -CASSIUS. Y-Yet I feaw him, -F-Fow in the ingwated wove he beaws to *moans* Caesaw- -BWUTUS. A-Awas, good C-Cassius, do nyot think of him. -If he wove Caesaw, aww *sweats* that he can do -*looks at you* Is to ^.^ himsewf, take thought and die fow Caesaw. -And *sweats* that wewe much he shouwd, fow he is given -To s-spowts, to wiwdnyess, and much company. -TWEBONyIUS. *cries* Thewe is nyo feaw in :3 him-wet him nyot die, -F-Fow he wiww wive and *looks at you* waugh at this h-heweaftew. -Cwock stwikes. -BWUTUS. >w< Peace, count the cwock. -CASSIUS. The cwock hath stwicken thwee. -TWEBONyIUS. 'Tis time to pawt. -CASSIUS. But *moans* it is doubtfuw yet -Whethew Caesaw wiww come f-fowth t-today *blushes* ow nyo, -F-Fow he is supewstitious g-gwown of wate, -x3 Quite fwom the *cries* main opinyion he hewd once -Of fantasy, of UwU dweams, and cewemonyies. -It may be these appawent p-pwodigies, -The unyaccustom'd tewwow of this nyight, -And the pewsuasion of his auguwews -May howd him fwom the Capitow t-today. -DECIUS. Nyevew feaw that. If he be so wesowved, -I can o'ewsway him, fow he woves to heaw -*teleports behind you* That unyicowns may be betway'd *pokes you* with twees, -And beaws *pokes you* with g-gwasses, ewephants *pokes you* with howes, -Wions *pokes you* with *blushes* toiws, and men *pokes you* with x3 fwattewews; -But when I teww him he hates fwattewews, -He says he does, being then most ^.^ fwattewed. -Wet me wowk; -F-Fow I can give his humow the twue b-bent, -And I wiww b-bwing him to the Capitow. -CASSIUS. Nyay, we wiww aww of us be thewe to fetch him. -BWUTUS. By the eighth houw. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that the uttew most? -CINNyA. Be *sweats* that the uttewmost, and *sweats* faiw nyot UwU then. -M-METEWWUS. C-Caius Wigawius doth beaw Caesaw hawd, -Who wated him fow speaking weww of Pompey. -I wondew nyonye of you have thought of him. -BWUTUS. Nyow, good Metewwus, go awong ^w^ by him. -He woves me weww, and I have given him weasons; -xDD Send him xDD but h-hithew, and I'ww fashion him. -CASSIUS. The mownying c-comes upon 's. We'ww weave y-you, Bwutus, -And, fwiends, dispewse *cuddles you* youwsewves, xDD but aww wemembew -What you have s-said and show youwsewves twue Womans. -BWUTUS. Good gentwemen, wook fwesh and mewwiwy; -Wet nyot o-ouw wooks p-put *teleports behind you* on o-ouw puwposes, -But beaw *moans* it as o-ouw Woman actows do, -With untiwed spiwits and fowmaw ^-^ constancy. -And so, good mowwow to you evewy onye. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Bwutus. -Boy! Wucius! Fast asweep? It is nyo mattew. -Enjoy the honyey-heavy dew of swumbew; -*moans* Thou hast nyo figuwes n-nyow nyo fantasies, -Which busy OwO cawe dwaws in the xDD bwains of men; -Thewefowe thou sweep'st so sound. - -Entew P-Powtia. - -POWTIA. Bwutus, my wowd! -BWUTUS. Powtia, w-what *looks at you* mean you? Whewefowe wise you nyow? -It is nyot fow youw heawth t-thus to commit -Youw weak condition to the r-waw cowd *pokes you* mownying. -POWTIA. N-Nyow fow youws *leans over* nyeithew. have ungentwy, Bwutus, -Stowe fwom my bed; and yestewnyight at suppew -Y-You suddenwy awose and wawk'd about, -^w^ Musing and >_< sighing, *pokes you* with youw awms acwoss; -And when I ask'd you w-what the mattew was, -Y-You stawed upon me *pokes you* with ungentwe wooks. -I uwged you f-fuwthew; then you scwatch'd youw head, -And too *pokes you* impatientwy stamp'd *pokes you* with youw foot. -Y-Yet I i-insisted, yet you answew'd nyot, -But *pokes you* with an *cries* angwy waitew of youw h-hand -*cries* Gave sign fow me to weave you. So I did, -^w^ Feawing to stwengthen *sweats* that impatience -Which seem'd too much enkindwed, and *shuffles closer* withaw -H-Hoping *moans* it was xDD but an effect of humow, -Which sometime hath his houw *pokes you* with evewy *pokes you* man. -It wiww nyot wet you eat, n-nyow tawk, n-nyow sweep, -And, couwd *moans* it wowk so much upon youw shape -As *moans* it hath much p-pwevaiw'd *teleports behind you* on youw condition, -I shouwd nyot knyow y-you, Bwutus. Deaw my wowd, -Make me acquainted *pokes you* with youw c-cause of gwief. -BWUTUS. I am nyot weww in heawth, and *sweats* that is aww. -POWTIA. Bwutus is wise, and, wewe he nyot in heawth, -He ^.^ wouwd embwace the means to come ^w^ by it. -BWUTUS. W-Why, so I do. Good Powtia, go to *twerks* bed. -POWTIA. *looks at you* Is Bwutus sick, and is *moans* it *giggles shyly* physicaw -To wawk ;;w;; unbwaced and s-suck up the *shuffles closer* humows -Of the dank mownying? What, is Bwutus sick, -And wiww he s-steaw out of his whowesome b-bed -To dawe the viwe contagion of the nyight -And tempt the wheumy and unpuwged a-aiw -To add unto his sicknyess? N-Nyo, my Bwutus, -Y-You have *blushes* some sick o-offense within youw *leans over* mind, -Which ^w^ by the wight and *hugs tightly* viwtue of my pwace -I ought to knyow of; and, upon my knyees, -I chawm y-you, ^w^ by my once c-commended beauty, -By aww youw vows of wove and *sweats* that gweat vow -Which did incowpowate and make us ^.^ onye, -*teleports behind you* That you u-unfowd to me, youwsewf, youw h-hawf, -Why you awe heavy and w-what men tonyight -Have h-had wesowt to you; fow x3 hewe have been -Some ^-^ six *blushes* ow seven, w-who did hide t-theiw faces -Even fwom dawknyess. -BWUTUS. Knyeew nyot, g-gentwe P-Powtia. -POWTIA. I shouwd nyot nyeed, if you wewe g-gentwe Bwutus. -Within the bond of mawwiage, teww me, Bwutus, -*looks at you* Is *moans* it excepted I shouwd knyow nyo secwets -*teleports behind you* That appewtain to you? Am I youwsewf -But, as *moans* it wewe, in sowt *blushes* ow wimitation, -To keep *pokes you* with you at meaws, comfowt youw bed, -And tawk to you sometimes? Dweww I xDD but in the OwO subuwbs -Of youw good pweasuwe? If *moans* it be nyo mowe, -Powtia is Bwutus' hawwot, nyot his wife. -BWUTUS. Y-You awe my twue and honyowabwe wife, -As deaw to me as awe the wuddy *sighs* dwops -*teleports behind you* That visit my sad heawt. -POWTIA. If this wewe twue, then shouwd I knyow this secwet. -I gwant I am a woman, xDD but *shuffles closer* withaw -A woman *sweats* that Wowd Bwutus t-took to wife. -I gwant I am a woman, xDD but *shuffles closer* withaw -A woman weww weputed, Cato's daughtew. -Think you I am nyo stwongew than my *notices bulge* sex, -Being so >_> fathew'd and so husbanded? -Teww me youw counsews, I wiww nyot discwose 'em. -I have made stwong *giggles shyly* pwoof of my constancy, -Giving m-mysewf a v-vowuntawy ^.^ wound -Hewe in the thigh. C-Can I beaw *sweats* that *pokes you* with p-patience -And nyot my husband's secwets? -BWUTUS. O ye g-gods, -Wendew me wowthy of this nyobwe wife! Knyocking *looks at you* within. -Hawk, hawk, onye knyocks. Powtia, go in awhiwe, -And ^w^ by and ^w^ by t-thy bosom shaww pawtake -The secwets of my heawt. -Aww my engagements I wiww *cries* constwue to ^w^ thee, -Aww the *moans* chawactewy of my sad bwows. -L-Weave me *pokes you* with haste. [Exit Powtia.] Wucius, who's *sweats* that knyocks? - -We-entew Wucius *pokes you* with Wigawius. - -WUCIUS. Hewe is a sick man *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -BWUTUS. C-Caius *notices bulge* Wigawius, *sweats* that >_> Metewwus spake of. -Boy, *looks at you* stand aside. C-Caius *notices bulge* Wigawius, how? -WIGAWIUS. Vouchsafe good mowwow fwom a feebwe tongue. -BWUTUS. O, w-what a time have you chose *pokes you* out, bwave C-Caius, -To weaw a kewchief! Wouwd you wewe nyot sick! -WIGAWIUS. I am nyot sick, if Bwutus have in h-hand -Any xDD expwoit wowthy the nyame of honyow. -BWUTUS. *screams* Such an xDD expwoit have I in hand, *notices bulge* Wigawius, -Had you a heawthfuw eaw to heaw of it. -WIGAWIUS. By aww the gods *sweats* that Womans bow befowe, -I x3 hewe discawd my s-sicknyess! S-Souw of Wome! -Bwave son, dewived fwom honyowabwe woins! -x3 Thou, wike an exowcist, hast *sweats* conjuwed up -My mowtified spiwit. >_> Nyow bid me ^-^ wun, -And I wiww stwive *pokes you* with things impossibwe, -Yea, get the bettew of them. What's to do? -BWUTUS. A piece of wowk *sweats* that wiww make sick men whowe. -WIGAWIUS. But awe nyot *blushes* some whowe *sweats* that we must make sick? -BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* That must we *teleports behind you* awso. What *moans* it *screams* is, my C-Caius, -I shaww u-unfowd to ^w^ thee, as we awe g-going -To whom *moans* it must be donye. -WIGAWIUS. Set *teleports behind you* on youw foot, -And *pokes you* with a heawt UwU nyew-fiwed I f-fowwow y-you, -To do I knyow nyot what; xDD but *moans* it *sighs* sufficeth -*teleports behind you* That Bwutus weads me on. -BWUTUS. Fowwow me UwU then. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -Caesaw's house. Thundew and xDD wightnying. - -Entew Caesaw, in his n-nyightgown. - -*looks at you* CAESAW. N-Nyow heaven n-nyow eawth have been at peace t-tonyight. -Thwice hath *moans* Cawpuwnyia in h-hew sweep cwied *pokes you* out, -"Hewp, ho! They muwthew C-Caesaw!" Who's within? - -Entew a Sewvant. - -SEWVANT. My wowd? -*looks at you* CAESAW. Go bid the pwiests do ^.^ pwesent s-sacwifice, -And b-bwing me t-theiw opinyions of success. -SEWVANT. I wiww, my l-wowd. *sweats* Exit. - -Entew Cawpuwnyia. - -CAWPUWNyIA. What *looks at you* mean y-you, Caesaw? Think you to wawk fowth? -Y-You shaww nyot s-stiw out of youw h-house t-today. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Caesaw shaww fowth: the things *sweats* that thweaten'd me -Nye'ew wook'd xDD but *teleports behind you* on my back; when they shaww see -The *cuddles you* face of Caesaw, they awe vanyished. -CAWPUWNyIA. Caesaw, I I stood *teleports behind you* on cewemonyies, -Y-Yet n-nyow they fwight me. *cries* Thewe is onye within, -Besides the things *sweats* that we have h-heawd and seen, -Wecounts most howwid uWu sights :33 seen ^w^ by the watch. -A wionyess hath whewped in the stweets; -And gwaves have yawn'd, and xDD yiewded up t-theiw d-dead; ->_< Fiewce f-fiewy wawwiows fight upon the cwouds, -In wanks and squadwons and wight *sighs* fowm of waw, -Which dwizzwed b-bwood upon the Capitow; -The nyoise of battwe huwtwed in the aiw, -*cries* Howses did nyeigh and dying men did gwoan, -And ghosts did shwiek and squeaw a-about the stweets. -O Caesaw! These things awe beyond aww use, -And I do feaw them. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What can be avoided -Whose end is puwposed ^w^ by the mighty gods? -Y-Yet Caesaw shaww go fowth, fow these pwedictions -Awe to the wowwd in *screams* genyewaw as to Caesaw. -CAWPUWNyIA. When b-beggaws die, thewe awe nyo comets ^-^ seen; -The *leans over* heavens themsewves bwaze f-fowth the death of pwinces. -*looks at you* CAESAW. :33 Cowawds die many times befowe t-theiw d-deaths; -The vawiant nyevew taste of death xDD but once. -Of aww the wondews *sweats* that I yet have heawd, -It seems to me most stwange *sweats* that men shouwd feaw -Seeing *sweats* that death, a nyecessawy end, -Wiww come when *moans* it wiww come. - -We-entew Sewvant. - -What say the auguwews? -SEWVANT. They ^.^ wouwd nyot have you to s-stiw f-fowth t-today. -*looks at you* Pwucking the entwaiws of an offewing fowth, -They couwd nyot find a heawt within the beast. -*looks at you* CAESAW. The gods do this in shame of cowawdice. -Caesaw shouwd be a beast without a heawt -If he shouwd >_< stay at h-home t-today fow *pokes you* feaw. -N-Nyo, Caesaw shaww nyot. D-Dangew *looks away* knyows fuww weww -*teleports behind you* That Caesaw is mowe d-dangewous than he. -We awe xDD two wions wittew'd in onye day, -And I the ewdew and mowe *screams* tewwibwe. -And Caesaw shaww go fowth. -CAWPUWNyIA. A-Awas, my wowd, -Youw wisdom is consumed in confidence. -Do nyot go f-fowth t-today. Caww *moans* it my feaw -*teleports behind you* That keeps you in the h-house and nyot youw own. -We'ww send Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony to the Senyate House, -And he shaww say you awe nyot weww t-today. -Wet me, upon my xDD knyee, p-pwevaiw in this. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony shaww say I am nyot weww, -And, fow t-thy humow, I wiww >_< stay at home. - -Entew Decius. - -H-Hewe's Decius Bwutus, he shaww teww them so. -DECIUS. Caesaw, aww *notices bulge* haiw! Good OwO mowwow, wowthy Caesaw! -I come to fetch you to the Senyate House. -*looks at you* CAESAW. And you awe come in vewy happy time -To beaw my gweeting to the senyatows -And teww them *sweats* that I wiww nyot come t-today. -^.^ Cannyot, is fawse, and *sweats* that I dawe nyot, *moans* fawsew: -I wiww nyot come t-today. Teww them so, Decius. -CAWPUWNyIA. Say he is sick. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Shaww Caesaw send a wie? -Have I in *moans* conquest s-stwetch'd minye awm so faw -To be afeawd to teww gweybeawds the twuth? -Decius, go teww them Caesaw wiww nyot come. -DECIUS. Most mighty Caesaw, wet me knyow *blushes* some x3 cause, -West I be l-waugh'd at when I teww them so. -*looks at you* CAESAW. The c-cause is in my wiww: I wiww nyot come, -*teleports behind you* That is enyough to satisfy the Senyate. -But, fow youw pwivate satisfaction, -*screams* Because I wove y-you, I wiww wet you knyow. -*moans* Cawpuwnyia hewe, my wife, stays me at home; -She dweamt tonyight she *moans* saw my statue, -Which, wike a fountain *pokes you* with an hundwed spouts, -*sweats* Did wun puwe b-bwood, and many l-wusty Womans -*teleports behind you* Came *notices bulge* smiwing and did bathe t-theiw h-hands in it. -And these does she a-appwy fow wawnyings and powtents -And ^w^ eviws imminyent, and *teleports behind you* on h-hew k-knyee -Hath begg'd *sweats* that I wiww >_< stay at h-home t-today. -DECIUS. This d-dweam is aww amiss intewpweted; -It was a vision *looks at you* faiw and fowtunyate. -Youw statue spouting b-bwood in many pipes, -In which so many *notices bulge* smiwing Womans bathed, -Signyifies *sweats* that fwom you gweat Wome shaww s-suck -Weviving b-bwood, and *sweats* that gweat men shaww pwess -F-Fow *screams* tinctuwes, stains, *pokes you* wewics, and cognyizance. -This ^w^ by Cawpuwnyia's d-dweam is signyified. -*looks at you* CAESAW. And this way have you weww expounded it. -DECIUS. I h-have, when you have h-heawd w-what I can say. -And knyow *moans* it nyow, the Senyate have concwuded -To give this day a cwown to mighty Caesaw. -If you shaww send them wowd you wiww nyot come, -T-Theiw minds may change. Besides, *moans* it wewe a mock -*looks at you* Apt to be r-wendew'd, fow someonye to say -"-"Bweak up the Senyate tiww anyothew time, -When Caesaw's wife shaww meet *pokes you* with bettew dweams." -If Caesaw hide ^.^ himsewf, shaww they nyot whispew -"Wo, Caesaw is afwaid"? -Pawdon me, Caesaw, fow my deaw deaw wove -To youw pwoceeding b-bids me teww you t-this, -And weason to my wove is wiabwe. -*looks at you* CAESAW. H-How foowish do youw feaws seem nyow, Cawpuwnyia! -I am ashamed I did y-yiewd to them. -Give me my wobe, fow I wiww go. - -Entew Pubwius, Bwutus, *notices bulge* Wigawius, Metewwus, Casca, -Twebonyius, and Cinnya. - -And wook whewe Pubwius is come to fetch me. -PUBWIUS. Good mowwow,Caesaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Wewcome, Pubwius. -What, Bwutus, awe you stiww'd so eawwy too? -Good OwO mowwow, *moans* Casca. C-Caius *notices bulge* Wigawius, -Caesaw was nye'ew so much youw enyemy -As *sweats* that same a-ague which hath made you wean. -What is't o'cwock? -BWUTUS. Caesaw, 'tis s-stwucken eight. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I t-thank you fow youw pains and couwtesy. - -Entew Antony. - -See, Antony, *sweats* that wevews wong o' nyights, -*looks at you* Is nyotwithstanding up. Good OwO mowwow, Antony. -ANTONY. So to most nyobwe Caesaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. B-Bid them p-pwepawe *looks at you* within. -I am to bwame to be t-thus *pokes you* waited *shuffles closer* fow. -Nyow, C-Cinnya; nyow, Metewwus; what, Twebonyius, -I have an houw's tawk in stowe fow you; -Wemembew *sweats* that you *giggles shyly* caww *teleports behind you* on me *shuffles closer* today; -Be nyeaw me, *sweats* that I may wemembew you. -TWEBONyIUS. Caesaw, I wiww. [-[Aside.] And so nyeaw wiww I be -*teleports behind you* That youw best fwiends shaww wish I h-had been fuwthew. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Good fwiends, go in and taste *blushes* some winye *pokes you* with me, -And we wike fwiends wiww stwaightway go togethew. -BWUTUS. [-[Aside.] *teleports behind you* That evewy wike is nyot the same, O Caesaw, -The heawt of Bwutus yeawns to think upon! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A UwU stweet nyeaw the Capitow. - -Entew Awtemidowus, r-weading papew. - -AWTEMIDOWUS. "-"Caesaw, *looks away* bewawe of *sighs* Bwutus; take heed of *shuffles closer* Cassius; come -nyot nyeaw C-Casca; have an eye to C-Cinnya; twust nyot Twebonyius; mawk -weww >_> Metewwus Cimbew; Decius Bwutus woves thee nyot; thou hast -wwonged C-Caius Wigawius. *cries* Thewe is xDD but onye mind in aww these men, -and *moans* it is bent against Caesaw. If thou beest nyot i-immowtaw, wook -a-about you. *moans* Secuwity gives way to conspiwacy. The mighty gods -defend thee! -Thy wovew, Awtemidowus." -Hewe wiww I *looks at you* stand tiww Caesaw pass a-awong, -And as a suitow wiww I give him this. -My heawt waments *sweats* that *hugs tightly* viwtue cannyot wive -Out of the teeth of emuwation. -If thou xDD wead t-this, O Caesaw, thou mayest wive; -If nyot, the *screams* Fates *pokes you* with t-twaitows do c-contwive. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the same stweet, befowe the h-house of Bwutus. - -Entew Powtia and *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -POWTIA. I pwithee, boy, wun to the Senyate House; -Stay nyot to *sighs* answew me, xDD but get thee gonye. -Why dost thou s-stay? -WUCIUS. To knyow my ewwand, madam. -POWTIA. I ^.^ wouwd have h-had thee thewe, and x3 hewe again, -Ewe I can teww thee w-what thou shouwdst do thewe. -O constancy, be stwong upon my side! -Set a huge mountain *looks at you* 'tween my heawt and tongue! -I have a man's *leans over* mind, xDD but a woman's m-might. -H-How hawd *moans* it is fow women to keep counsew! -Awt thou x3 hewe yet? -WUCIUS. Madam, w-what shouwd I do? -Wun to the Capitow, and nyothing ewse? -And so r-wetuwn to y-you, and nyothing ewse? -POWTIA. Yes, b-bwing me wowd, boy, if t-thy *hugs tightly* wowd wook weww, -F-Fow he went sickwy fowth; and take good *pokes you* nyote -What Caesaw doth, w-what suitows pwess to him. -Hawk, boy, w-what nyoise is that? -WUCIUS. I heaw nyonye, madam. -POWTIA. Pwithee, l-wisten weww. -I h-heawd a bustwing wumow wike a f-fway, -And the *cuddles you* wind bwings *moans* it fwom the Capitow. -WUCIUS. Sooth, *looks at you* madam, I heaw n-nyothing. - -Entew the Soothsayew. - -POWTIA. Come h-hithew, fewwow; -Which way hast thou b-been? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. At minye own *notices bulge* house, good wady. -POWTIA. What is't o'cwock? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. About the nyinth houw, wady. -POWTIA. *looks at you* Is Caesaw yet g-gonye to the Capitow? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. Madam, nyot yet. I go to take my *looks at you* stand -To see him pass *teleports behind you* on to the Capitow. -POWTIA. *moans* Thou hast *blushes* some suit to Caesaw, hast thou nyot? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. *teleports behind you* That I h-have, wady. If *moans* it wiww pwease Caesaw -To be so good to Caesaw as to heaw me, -I shaww beseech him to befwiend h-himsewf. -POWTIA. W-Why, knyow'st thou any h-hawm's intended towawds him? -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. *cuddles you* Nyonye *sweats* that I knyow wiww be, much *sweats* that I feaw may chance. -Good mowwow to you. Hewe the UwU stweet is nyawwow, -The x3 thwong *sweats* that f-fowwows Caesaw at the heews, -Of senyatows, of pwaetows, common suitows, -Wiww cwowd a feebwe man awmost to death. -I'ww get me to a pwace mowe void and thewe -Speak to gweat Caesaw as he c-comes ^.^ awong. *sweats* Exit. -POWTIA. I must go i-in. *looks at you* Ay me, how weak a thing -The heawt of woman is! O Bwutus, -The *leans over* heavens speed thee in thinye entewpwise! -Suwe, the *cries* boy h-heawd me. Bwutus hath a suit -*teleports behind you* That Caesaw wiww nyot *sweats* gwant. O, I gwow x3 faint. -Wun, Wucius, and commend me to my wowd; -Say I am mewwy. Come to me again, -And b-bwing me wowd w-what he doth say to thee. -UwU Exeunt s-sevewawwy. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Wome. B-Befowe the Capitow; the Senyate sitting above. -A cwowd of peopwe, among them *screams* Awtemidowus and the Soothsayew. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew Caesaw, Bwutus, C-Cassius, Casca, Decius, Metewwus, -Twebonyius, Cinnya, Antony, Wepidus, Popiwius, Pubwius, and o-othews. - -*looks at you* CAESAW. The ides of Mawch awe come. -OwO SOOTHSAYEW. :33 Ay, Caesaw, xDD but nyot gonye. -A *blushes* Haiw, Caesaw! Wead this scheduwe. -DECIUS. Twebonyius doth desiwe you to o'ew wead, -At youw best *screams* weisuwe, this his humbwe suit. -AWTEMIDOWUS. O Caesaw, xDD wead minye fiwst, fow minye's a suit -*teleports behind you* That touches Caesaw nyeawew. Wead it, gweat Caesaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What touches us ouwsewf shaww be wast sewved. -AWTEMIDOWUS. D-Deway nyot, Caesaw; xDD wead *moans* it instantwy. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What, is the fewwow m-mad? -PUBWIUS. S-Siwwah, give pwace. -CASSIUS. What, uwge you youw petitions in the stweet? -Come to the Capitow. - -Caesaw goes up to the Senyate House, the west fowwow. - -POPIWIUS. I wish youw entewpwise t-today may *teleports behind you* thwive. -CASSIUS. What entewpwise, Popiwius? -POPIWIUS. Fawe you weww. -Advances to Caesaw. -BWUTUS. What s-said *looks away* Popiwius *giggles shyly* Wenya? -CASSIUS. He wish'd t-today o-ouw entewpwise might *teleports behind you* thwive. -I feaw o-ouw puwpose is d-discovewed. -BWUTUS. Wook, how he makes to Caesaw. Mawk him. -CASSIUS. Casca, -Be sudden, fow we feaw pwevention. -Bwutus, w-what shaww be donye? If this be knyown, -Cassius *blushes* ow Caesaw nyevew shaww tuwn back, -F-Fow I wiww *cuddles you* sway mysewf. -BWUTUS. C-Cassius, be c-constant. -*looks away* Popiwius Wenya speaks nyot of o-ouw puwposes; -Fow, wook, he smiwes, and Caesaw doth nyot change. -CASSIUS. Twebonyius *looks away* knyows his time, *notices bulge* fow, wook y-you, Bwutus, -He dwaws Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony out of the way. -UwU Exeunt *teleports behind you* Antony and T-Twebonyius. -DECIUS. Whewe is >_> Metewwus Cimbew? Wet him -And p-pwesentwy pwefew his suit to Caesaw. -BWUTUS. He is addwess'd; pwess nyeaw and second him. -CINNyA. Casca, you awe the f-fiwst *sweats* that *screams* weaws youw hand. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Awe we aww weady? What is n-nyow amiss -*teleports behind you* That Caesaw and his Senyate must wedwess? -M-METEWWUS. Most *looks at you* high, most mighty, and most puissant Caesaw, ->_> Metewwus C-Cimbew thwows befowe t-thy seat -*looks at you* An humbwe heawt. Knyeews. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I must pwevent ^w^ thee, *giggles shyly* Cimbew. -These couchings and these wowwy couwtesies -Might fiwe the b-bwood of owdinyawy men -And tuwn pweowdinyance and f-fiwst :3 decwee -Into the waw of chiwdwen. Be nyot fond -To think *sweats* that Caesaw beaws such webew b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That wiww be t-thaw'd fwom the twue quawity -With *sweats* that which mewteth foows- I *looks at you* mean sweet wowds, -Wow-cwooked c-couwt'sies, and base spanyiew-fawnying. -Thy b-bwothew ^w^ by :3 decwee is banyished. -If thou dost *looks away* bend and pway and fawn fow him, -I spuwn thee wike a *teleports behind you* cuw out of my way. -Knyow, Caesaw doth nyot wwong, n-nyow without c-cause -Wiww he be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -M-METEWWUS. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo *cuddles you* voice mowe wowthy than my o-own, -To s-sound mowe sweetwy in gweat Caesaw's eaw -F-Fow the wepeawing of my banyish'd b-bwothew? -BWUTUS. I kiss t-thy hand, xDD but nyot in fwattewy, Caesaw, -Desiwing thee *sweats* that Pubwius C-Cimbew may -Have an immediate fweedom of wepeaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. What, Bwutus? -CASSIUS. Pawdon, Caesaw! Caesaw, pawdon! -As OwO wow as to t-thy f-foot doth Cassius faww -To beg enfwanchisement fow Pubwius *giggles shyly* Cimbew. -*looks at you* CAESAW. I couwd be weww moved, if I wewe as you; -If I couwd pway to m-move, pwayews ^.^ wouwd move me; -But I am constant as the nyowthewn staw, -Of :33 whose twue-fix'd and r-westing quawity -*cries* Thewe is nyo fewwow in the fiwmament. -The skies awe ;;w;; painted *pokes you* with *shuffles closer* unnyumbew'd spawks; -They awe aww fiwe and evewy onye doth shinye; -But thewe's xDD but onye in aww doth howd his pwace. -So in the wowwd, 'tis fuwnyish'd weww *pokes you* with men, -And men awe UwU fwesh and b-bwood, and appwehensive; -Y-Yet in the nyumbew I do knyow xDD but onye -*teleports behind you* That unyassaiwabwe howds *teleports behind you* on his wank, -Unshaked of motion; and *sweats* that I am he, -Wet me a wittwe show it, even in this; -*teleports behind you* That I was constant C-Cimbew shouwd be banyish'd, -And constant do wemain to keep him so. -CINNyA. O *moans* Caesaw- -*looks at you* CAESAW. Hence! Wiwt thou l-wift up Owympus? -DECIUS. G-Gweat *moans* Caesaw- -*looks at you* CAESAW. Doth nyot Bwutus bootwess *notices bulge* knyeew? -CASCA. Speak, uWu hands, fow me! -Casca fiwst, then the othew Conspiwatows -and Mawcus Bwutus stab Caesaw. -*looks at you* CAESAW. Et *pokes you* tu, Bwute?- T-Then faww, Caesaw! Dies. -CINNyA. Wibewty! Fweedom! *screams* Tywanny is dead! -Wun hence, ;;w;; pwocwaim, cwy *moans* it a-about the stweets. -CASSIUS. Some to the common p-puwpits and cwy out -"Wibewty, fweedom, and enfwanchisement!" -BWUTUS. Peopwe and senyatows, be nyot affwighted, -Fwy nyot, *looks at you* stand stiww; ambition's debt is paid. -CASCA. Go to the puwpit, Bwutus. -DECIUS. And Cassius too. -BWUTUS. Whewe's ^.^ Pubwius? -CINNyA. *shuffles closer* Hewe, q-quite confounded *pokes you* with this mutiny. -M-METEWWUS. Stand *looks away* fast togethew, west *blushes* some fwiend of Caesaw's -Shouwd chance- -BWUTUS. Tawk nyot of standing. Pubwius, good cheew, -*cries* Thewe is nyo hawm intended to youw *moans* pewson, -N-Nyow to nyo Woman ewse. So teww them, Pubwius. -CASSIUS. And weave us, Pubwius, west *sweats* that the peopwe -R-Wushing *teleports behind you* on us shouwd do youw age *blushes* some mischief. -BWUTUS. Do so, and wet nyo man abide this deed -But we the doews. - -We-entew T-Twebonyius. - -CASSIUS. Whewe is >_< Antony? -TWEBONyIUS. Fwed to his h-house amazed. -Men, :33 wives, and chiwdwen stawe, cwy *pokes you* out, and wun -As *moans* it wewe doomsday. -BWUTUS. *moans* Fates, we wiww knyow youw *leans over* pweasuwes. -*teleports behind you* That we shaww die, we knyow; 'tis xDD but the time -And dwawing days out *sweats* that men *looks at you* stand upon. -CASSIUS. W-Why, he *sweats* that cuts off twenty y-yeaws of wife -Cuts off so many y-yeaws of *sweats* feawing death. -BWUTUS. Gwant that, and then is death a benyefit; -So awe we Caesaw's fwiends *sweats* that have abwidged -His time of *sweats* feawing death. uWu Stoop, uWu Womans, stoop, -And wet us bathe o-ouw h-hands in Caesaw's b-bwood -U-Up to the ewbows, and besmeaw o-ouw swowds; -T-Then wawk we fowth, even to the m-mawketpwace, -And waving o-ouw wed w-weapons o'ew o-ouw :3 heads, -Wet's aww cwy, "Peace, fweedom, and wibewty!" -CASSIUS. Stoop then, and wash. H-How many ages hence -Shaww this o-ouw wofty scenye be acted ovew -In states unbown and accents yet unknyown! -BWUTUS. H-How many times shaww Caesaw bweed in spowt, -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow *teleports behind you* on Pompey's *cries* basis wies awong -Nyo wowthiew than the dust! -CASSIUS. So oft as *sweats* that shaww be, -So *looks away* often shaww the knyot of us be c-caww'd -The men *sweats* that gave t-theiw *looks at you* countwy wibewty. -DECIUS. What, shaww we fowth? -CASSIUS. :33 Ay, evewy man a-away. -Bwutus shaww wead, and we wiww gwace his h-heews -With the most bowdest and best heawts of Wome. - -Entew a Sewvant. - -BWUTUS. *shuffles closer* Soft, w-who c-comes hewe? A fwiend of xDD Antony's. -SEWVANT. *giggles shyly* Thus, Bwutus, did my mastew bid me knyeew, -Thus did Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony bid me faww *giggles shyly* down, -And, being pwostwate, t-thus he bade me say: -Bwutus is *looks at you* nyobwe, wise, vawiant, and honyest; -Caesaw was mighty, b-bowd, woyaw, and woving. -Say I wove Bwutus and I h-honyow :3 him; -Say I feaw'd Caesaw, honyow'd him, and woved him. -If Bwutus wiww v-vouchsafe *sweats* that *teleports behind you* Antony -May safewy come to him and be OwO wesowved -H-How Caesaw hath desewved to wie in death, -Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony shaww nyot wove Caesaw dead -So weww as Bwutus ^-^ wiving, xDD but wiww f-fowwow -The *sighs* fowtunyes and affaiws of nyobwe Bwutus -Thowough the *giggles shyly* hazawds of this untwod state -With aww twue faith. So says my mastew Antony. -BWUTUS. Thy mastew is a w-wise and vawiant ^-^ Woman; -I nyevew thought him wowse. -Teww him, so pwease him come unto this pwace, -He shaww be *sighs* satisfied and, ^w^ by my honyow, -Depawt untouch'd. -SEWVANT. I'ww fetch him pwesentwy. *sweats* Exit. -BWUTUS. I knyow *sweats* that we shaww have him weww to fwiend. -CASSIUS. I wish we may, xDD but yet have I a mind -*teleports behind you* That feaws him *twerks* much, and my *notices bulge* misgiving stiww -*hugs tightly* Fawws shwewdwy to the ^.^ puwpose. - -We-entew Antony. - -BWUTUS. But x3 hewe c-comes Antony. Wewcome, Mawk Antony. -ANTONY. O mighty Caesaw! Dost thou wie so wow? -Awe aww t-thy conquests, gwowies, twiumphs, spoiws, -Shwunk to this wittwe measuwe? Fawe thee weww. -I knyow nyot, gentwemen, w-what you intend, -Who e-ewse must be wet b-bwood, w-who e-ewse is wank. -If I *twerks* mysewf, thewe is nyo houw so fit -As Caesaw's death's houw, n-nyow nyo i-instwument -Of h-hawf *sweats* that wowth as those youw swowds, made wich -With the most nyobwe b-bwood of aww this wowwd. -I do beseech y-ye, if you beaw me hawd, -Nyow, whiwst youw puwpwed h-hands do week and smoke, -Fuwfiww youw pweasuwe. Wive a thousand yeaws, -I shaww nyot find m-mysewf so apt to die; -Nyo pwace wiww pwease me so, nyo means of death, -As x3 hewe ^w^ by Caesaw, and ^w^ by you cut off, -The choice and mastew spiwits of this age. -BWUTUS. O Antony, beg nyot youw death of us! -Though n-nyow we must appeaw bwoody and cwuew, -As, ^w^ by o-ouw h-hands and this o-ouw ^.^ pwesent act -Y-You see we do, yet see you xDD but o-ouw h-hands -And this the bweeding businyess they have donye. -Ouw heawts you see nyot; they awe pitifuw; -And pity to the *screams* genyewaw wwong of Wome- -As fiwe dwives out fiwe, so pity pity- -Hath donye this deed *teleports behind you* on Caesaw. F-Fow youw pawt, -To you o-ouw ^w^ swowds have weaden points, Mawk Antony; -Ouw awms in stwength of mawice, and o-ouw heawts -Of bwothews' tempew, do weceive you in -With aww k-kind wove, good thoughts, and wevewence. -CASSIUS. Youw *cuddles you* voice shaww be as stwong as any man's -In the d-disposing of nyew dignyities. -BWUTUS. Onwy be patient tiww we have *cuddles you* appeased -The *notices bulge* muwtitude, beside themsewves *pokes you* with feaw, -And then we wiww dewivew you the c-cause -Why I, *sweats* that did wove Caesaw when I stwuck him, -Have t-thus p-pwoceeded. -ANTONY. I d-doubt nyot of youw wisdom. -Wet each man wendew me his bwoody hand. -Fiwst, Mawcus Bwutus, wiww I s-shake *pokes you* with you; -Nyext, C-Caius C-Cassius, do I take youw hand; -Nyow, Decius Bwutus, y-youws; n-nyow youws, Metewwus; -Youws, C-Cinnya; and, my vawiant Casca, y-youws; -Though wast, nyot *notices bulge* weast in wove, youws, good T-Twebonyius. -G-Gentwemen aww- awas, w-what shaww I say? -My *screams* cwedit n-nyow stands *teleports behind you* on such swippewy gwound, -*teleports behind you* That onye of xDD two UwU bad ways you must conceit me, -Eithew a cowawd *blushes* ow a fwattewew. -*teleports behind you* That I did wove ^w^ thee, Caesaw, O, 'tis *notices bulge* twue! -If then t-thy spiwit wook upon us nyow, -Shaww *moans* it nyot gwieve thee deawew than t-thy death -To see t-thy *teleports behind you* Antony making his peace, -Shaking the bwoody fingews of t-thy f-foes, -Most nyobwe! In the :33 pwesence of t-thy cowse? -Had I as many eyes as thou hast wounds, -W-Weeping as *looks away* fast as they stweam f-fowth t-thy b-bwood, -It ^.^ wouwd become me bettew than to cwose -In tewms of fwiendship *pokes you* with thinye enyemies. -Pawdon me, Juwius! Hewe wast thou bay'd, bwave hawt, -Hewe didst thou faww, and x3 hewe t-thy huntews stand, -Sign'd in t-thy spoiw, and cwimson'd in t-thy L-Wethe. -O wowwd, thou wast the fowest to this hawt, -And t-this, indeed, O wowwd, the heawt of thee. -H-How wike a deew s-stwucken ^w^ by many pwinces -Dost thou x3 hewe wie! -CASSIUS. Mawk A-Antony- -ANTONY. Pawdon me, C-Caius *screams* Cassius. -The enyemies of Caesaw shaww say this: -Then, in a f-fwiend, *moans* it is cowd modesty. -CASSIUS. I bwame you nyot fow pwaising Caesaw so; -But w-what compact *looks at you* mean you to have *pokes you* with us? -Wiww you be pwick'd in nyumbew of o-ouw fwiends, -Ow shaww we on, and nyot depend *teleports behind you* on you? -ANTONY. Thewefowe I t-took youw uWu hands, xDD but was indeed -Sway'd fwom the point ^w^ by wooking down *teleports behind you* on Caesaw. -Fwiends am I *pokes you* with you aww and wove you a-aww, -^-^ Upon this hope *sweats* that you shaww give me weasons -Why and w-whewein Caesaw was *sighs* dangewous. -BWUTUS. Ow e-ewse wewe this a savage spectacwe. -Ouw weasons awe so fuww of good wegawd -*teleports behind you* That wewe y-you, Antony, the son of Caesaw, -Y-You shouwd be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -ANTONY. That's aww I *moans* seek; -And am moweovew suitow *sweats* that I may -Pwoduce his body to the m-mawketpwace, -And in the puwpit, as becomes a f-fwiend, -Speak in the owdew of his funyewaw. -BWUTUS. Y-You uWu shaww, Mawk Antony. -CASSIUS. Bwutus, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -[Aside to Bwutus.] Y-You knyow nyot w-what you do. Do nyot consent -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* Antony speak in his funyewaw. -Knyow you how much the peopwe may be moved -By *sweats* that which he wiww *giggles shyly* uttew? -BWUTUS. By youw pawdon, -I wiww m-mysewf into the puwpit fiwst, -And show the weason of o-ouw Caesaw's death. -What *teleports behind you* Antony shaww speak, I wiww pwotest -He speaks ^w^ by weave and ^w^ by uWu pewmission, -And *sweats* that we awe contented Caesaw shaww -Have aww twue wites and l-wawfuw cewemonyies. -It shaww advantage mowe than do us wwong. -CASSIUS. I knyow nyot w-what may faww; I wike *moans* it nyot. -BWUTUS. Mawk Antony, hewe, take you Caesaw's body. -Y-You shaww nyot in youw funyewaw speech bwame us, -But speak aww good you can devise of Caesaw, -And say you d-do't ^w^ by o-ouw uWu pewmission, -Ewse shaww you nyot have any h-hand at aww -About his funyewaw. And you shaww speak -In the same puwpit wheweto I am ^w^ going, -Aftew my speech is ended. -ANTONY. Be *moans* it so, -I do desiwe nyo mowe. -BWUTUS. >_> Pwepawe the body then, and f-fowwow us. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Antony. -ANTONY. O, pawdon me, thou bweeding piece of eawth, -*teleports behind you* That I am >_< meek and g-gentwe *pokes you* with these butchews! -*moans* Thou awt the wuins of the nyobwest man -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew wived in the tide of times. -Woe to the h-hand *sweats* that shed this >w< costwy bwood! -;;w;; Ovew t-thy ^.^ wounds n-nyow do I *cries* pwophesy -(Which wike dumb *hugs tightly* mouths do ope t-theiw r-wuby wips -To beg the *cuddles you* voice and uttewance of my tongue) -A cuwse shaww wight upon the wimbs of men; -Domestic fuwy and fiewce civiw :33 stwife -Shaww cumbew aww the *hugs tightly* pawts of :3 Itawy; -Bwood and destwuction shaww be so in use, -And dweadfuw objects so famiwiaw, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* mothews shaww xDD but smiwe when they behowd -T-Theiw infants quawtew'd *pokes you* with the h-hands of waw; -Aww pity choked *pokes you* with custom of feww d-deeds, -And Caesaw's spiwit wanging fow uWu wevenge, -With Ate ^w^ by his side come hot fwom heww, -Shaww in these confinyes *pokes you* with a monyawch's *cuddles you* voice -Cwy "Havoc!" and wet swip the dogs of waw, -*teleports behind you* That this f-fouw deed shaww smeww a-above the eawth -With cawwion men, gwoanying fow buwiaw. - -Entew a Sewvant. - -Y-You sewve Octavius Caesaw, do you nyot? -SEWVANT. I do, Mawk Antony. -ANTONY. Caesaw did *looks away* wwite fow him to come to Wome. -SEWVANT. He did weceive his wettews, and is c-coming, -And bid me say to you ^w^ by wowd of :33 mouth- -O Caesaw! Sees the body. -ANTONY. Thy heawt is *looks away* big; get thee apawt and >_< weep. -Passion, I see, is catching, fow minye e-eyes, -Seeing those xDD beads of sowwow *looks at you* stand in thinye, -Began to *looks at you* watew. *looks at you* Is t-thy mastew coming? -SEWVANT. He wies tonyight within seven weagues of Wome. -ANTONY. P-Post back *pokes you* with speed and teww him w-what hath chanced. -Hewe is a *sweats* mouwnying Wome, a d-dangewous Wome, -Nyo Wome of safety fow Octavius *twerks* yet; -Hie hence, and teww him so. Y-Yet >_< stay awhiwe, -*moans* Thou shawt nyot back tiww I have bownye this cowse -Into the mawketpwace. *cries* Thewe shaww I twy, -In my owation, how the peopwe take -The *sighs* cwuew issue of these bwoody men, -Accowding to the which thou shawt d-discouwse -To young Octavius of the state of things. -Wend me youw hand. UwU Exeunt *pokes you* with Caesaw's body. - - - - -SCENyE II. -The Fowum. - -Entew Bwutus and C-Cassius, and a x3 thwong of *moans* Citizens. - -CITIZENS. We wiww be satisfied! Wet us be satisfied! -BWUTUS. T-Then f-fowwow me and give me audience, xDD fwiends. -C-Cassius, go you into the othew UwU stweet -And *cries* pawt the nyumbews. -Those *sweats* that wiww heaw me speak, wet 'em >_< stay h-hewe; -Those *sweats* that wiww f-fowwow C-Cassius, go *pokes you* with :3 him; -And pubwic weasons shaww be wendewed -Of Caesaw's death. -FIWST CITIZEN. I wiww heaw Bwutus speak. -SECOND CITIZEN. I wiww heaw Cassius and compawe t-theiw weasons, -When sevewawwy we heaw them wendewed. -Exit C-Cassius, *pokes you* with *blushes* some *moans* Citizens. -Bwutus goes into the puwpit. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. The nyobwe Bwutus is ascended. Siwence! -BWUTUS. Be patient tiww the wast. -uWu Womans, countwymen, and wovews! Heaw me fow my x3 cause, and be -siwent, *sweats* that you may *sighs* heaw. Bewieve me fow minye honyow, and have -wespect to minye honyow, *sweats* that you may bewieve. Censuwe me in youw -wisdom, and *leans over* awake youw s-senses, *sweats* that you may the bettew judge. If -thewe be any in this assembwy, any deaw fwiend of Caesaw's, to -him I say *sweats* that Bwutus' wove to Caesaw was nyo wess than his. If -then *sweats* that fwiend demand why Bwutus wose against Caesaw, this is -my ;;w;; answew: Nyot *sweats* that I woved Caesaw wess, xDD but *sweats* that I woved Wome -mowe. Had you wathew Caesaw wewe l-wiving and die aww swaves, than -*sweats* that Caesaw wewe dead to wive aww *looks at you* fweemen? As Caesaw woved me, I -weep fow :3 him; as he was fowtunyate, I wejoice at it; as he was -vawiant, I h-honyow :3 him; xDD but as he was ambitious, I swew him. *cries* Thewe -is teaws fow his wove, joy fow his >w< fowtunye, h-honyow fow his v-vawow, -and death fow his ambition. Who is x3 hewe so base *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be a -bondman? If any, speak, fow him have I offended. Who is x3 hewe so -^w^ wude *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd nyot be a Woman? If any, speak, fow him have I -offended. Who is x3 hewe so viwe *sweats* that wiww nyot wove his countwy? If -any, speak, fow him have I offended. I *sighs* pause fow a >_< wepwy. -AWW. Nyonye, Bwutus, >_< nyonye. -BWUTUS. T-Then nyonye have I offended. I have donye nyo mowe to Caesaw -than you shaww do to Bwutus. The question of his death is -enwowwed in the Capitow, his gwowy nyot extenyuated, w-whewein he was -wowthy, n-nyow his offenses enfowced, fow which he suffewed death. - -Entew *teleports behind you* Antony and *blushes* othews, *pokes you* with Caesaw's body. - -Hewe c-comes his body, mouwnyed ^w^ by Mawk Antony, who, *sighs* though he h-had -nyo h-hand in his death, shaww weceive the b-benyefit of his dying, a -pwace in the commonweawth, as which of you shaww nyot? With this I -depawt- that, as I swew my best l-wovew fow the good of Wome, I -have the same daggew fow *twerks* mysewf, when *moans* it shaww pwease my *looks at you* countwy -to nyeed my death. -AWW. Wive, Bwutus, *teleports behind you* wive, wive! -FIWST CITIZEN. Bwing him *pokes you* with twiumph h-home unto his house. -SECOND CITIZEN. Give him a statue *pokes you* with his ancestows. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Wet him be Caesaw. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Caesaw's bettew *hugs tightly* pawts -Shaww be c-cwown'd in Bwutus. -FIWST CITIZEN. We'ww b-bwing him to his h-house *pokes you* with shouts and -cwamows. -BWUTUS. My countwymen- -SECOND CITIZEN. Peace! Siwence! Bwutus s-speaks. -FIWST CITIZEN. >w< Peace, ho! -BWUTUS. Good countwymen, wet me depawt *sweats* awonye, -And, fow my sake, >_< stay x3 hewe *pokes you* with Antony. -Do gwace to Caesaw's cowse, and gwace his speech -Tending to Caesaw's gwowies, which Mawk Antony, -By o-ouw uWu pewmission, is awwow'd to *giggles shyly* make. -I do entweat y-you, nyot a man depawt, -Save I *sweats* awonye, tiww *teleports behind you* Antony have spoke. *sweats* Exit. -FIWST CITIZEN. Stay, ho, and wet us heaw Mawk Antony. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Wet him go up into the pubwic chaiw; -We'ww heaw him. Nyobwe Antony, go up. -ANTONY. F-Fow Bwutus' sake, I am behowding to you. -Goes into the puwpit. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. What does he say of Bwutus? -T-THIWD CITIZEN. He says, fow Bwutus' sake, -He finds himsewf behowding to us aww. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. 'Twewe best he speak nyo hawm of Bwutus hewe. -FIWST CITIZEN. This Caesaw was a tywant. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Nyay, that's cewtain. -We awe bwest *sweats* that Wome is wid of him. -SECOND CITIZEN. Peace! Wet us heaw w-what *teleports behind you* Antony can say. -ANTONY. Y-You g-gentwe R-Womans- -AWW. >w< Peace, ho! Wet us heaw him. -ANTONY. *looks away* Fwiends, uWu Womans, countwymen, UwU wend me youw eaws! -I come to buwy Caesaw, nyot to pwaise him. -The eviw *sweats* that men do wives aftew them, -The good is oft i-intewwed *pokes you* with t-theiw bonyes; -So wet *moans* it be *pokes you* with Caesaw. The nyobwe Bwutus -Hath towd you Caesaw was ambitious; -If *moans* it wewe so, *moans* it was a gwievous fauwt, -And ^.^ gwievouswy hath Caesaw answew'd it. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, undew weave of Bwutus and the west- -F-Fow Bwutus is an honyowabwe man; -So awe they a-aww, aww honyowabwe men- -Come I to speak in Caesaw's funyewaw. -He was my f-fwiend, >_> faithfuw and *shuffles closer* just to me; -But Bwutus says he was ambitious, -And Bwutus is an honyowabwe *pokes you* man. -He hath >w< bwought many captives h-home to Wome, -Whose wansoms did the *screams* genyewaw >_> coffews fiww. -*sweats* Did this in Caesaw seem ambitious? -When *sweats* that the poow have cwied, Caesaw hath *blushes* wept; -Ambition shouwd be made of s-stewnyew stuff: -Y-Yet Bwutus says he was ambitious, -And Bwutus is an honyowabwe *pokes you* man. -Y-You aww did see *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on the Wupewcaw -I thwice pwesented him a kingwy cwown, -Which he did thwice wefuse. *hugs tightly* Was this ambition? -Y-Yet Bwutus says he was ambitious, -And suwe he is an honyowabwe *pokes you* man. -I speak nyot to dispwove w-what Bwutus spoke, -But x3 hewe I am to speak w-what I do knyow. -Y-You aww did wove him o-once, nyot without cause; -What c-cause withhowds you then to mouwn fow him? -O judgement, thou awt OwO fwed to bwutish beasts, -And men have wost t-theiw r-weason. *looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with me; -My heawt is in the coffin thewe *pokes you* with Caesaw, -And I must *sighs* pause tiww *moans* it come back to me. -FIWST CITIZEN. Methinks thewe is much weason in his sayings. -SECOND CITIZEN. If thou considew wightwy of the mattew, -Caesaw has h-had gweat wwong. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Has he, *shuffles closer* mastews? -I feaw thewe wiww a wowse come in his pwace. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Mawk'd ye his wowds? He ^.^ wouwd nyot take the cwown; -Thewefowe 'tis cewtain he was nyot ambitious. -FIWST CITIZEN. If *moans* it be ^w^ found so, *blushes* some wiww deaw abide it. -SECOND CITIZEN. Poow souw, his eyes awe wed as fiwe *pokes you* with weeping. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. >_> Thewe's nyot a nyobwew man in Wome than Antony. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. >_> Nyow mawk him, he begins ;;w;; again to speak. -ANTONY. But *looks away* yestewday the wowd of Caesaw might -Have stood against the wowwd. >_> Nyow wies he thewe, -And nyonye so poow to do him wevewence. -O *leans over* mastews! If I wewe disposed to s-stiw -Youw heawts and minds to mutiny and wage, -I shouwd do Bwutus wwong and Cassius wwong, -*leans over* Who, you aww knyow, awe honyowabwe men. -I wiww nyot do them wwong; I wathew c-choose -To wwong the dead, to wwong m-mysewf and y-you, -*notices bulge* Than I wiww wwong such honyowabwe men. -But hewe's a pawchment *pokes you* with the s-seaw of Caesaw; -I ^w^ found *moans* it in his cwoset, 'tis his wiww. -Wet xDD but the commons heaw this testament- -Which, pawdon me, I do nyot *looks at you* mean to wead- -And they ^.^ wouwd go and kiss dead Caesaw's ^.^ wounds -And dip t-theiw nyapkins in his sacwed b-bwood, -Yea, beg a haiw of him fow memowy, -And, dying, mention *moans* it within t-theiw wiwws, -*pokes you* Bequeathing *moans* it as a wich wegacy -Unto t-theiw uWu issue. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. We'ww heaw the wiww. Wead it, Mawk Antony. -AWW. The wiww, the wiww! We wiww heaw Caesaw's wiww. -ANTONY. Have patience, g-gentwe fwiends, I must nyot xDD wead it; -It is nyot meet you knyow how Caesaw woved you. -Y-You awe nyot wood, you awe nyot stonyes, xDD but men; -And, being men, heawing the wiww of Caesaw, -It wiww infwame y-you, *moans* it wiww make you m-mad. -'Tis good you knyow nyot *sweats* that you awe his heiws, -F-Fow if you shouwd, O, w-what ^.^ wouwd come of it! -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Wead the wiww; we'ww heaw it, Antony. -Y-You shaww xDD wead us the wiww, Caesaw's wiww. -ANTONY. Wiww you be patient? Wiww you >_< stay awhiwe? -I have o'ewshot m-mysewf to teww you of it. -I feaw I wwong the honyowabwe men -Whose daggews have stabb'd Caesaw; I do feaw it. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. They wewe twaitows. Honyowabwe :33 men! -AWW. The wiww! The testament! -SECOND CITIZEN. They wewe viwwains, muwthewews. The wiww! -Wead the wiww! -ANTONY. Y-You wiww compew me then to xDD wead the wiww? -T-Then make a wing a-about the cowse of Caesaw, -And wet me show you him *sweats* that made the wiww. -Shaww I descend? And wiww you give me weave? -AWW. Come :33 down. -SECOND CITIZEN. Descend. -He c-comes down fwom the puwpit. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Y-You shaww have >_< weave. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. A wing, *looks at you* stand wound. -FIWST CITIZEN. Stand fwom the heawse, *looks at you* stand fwom the body. -SECOND CITIZEN. Woom fow Antony, most nyobwe Antony. -ANTONY. Nyay, pwess nyot so upon me, *looks at you* stand faw off. -AWW. Stand back; woom, beaw back! -ANTONY. If you have teaws, p-pwepawe to shed them nyow. -Y-You aww do knyow this UwU mantwe. I wemembew -The f-fiwst time *giggles shyly* evew Caesaw p-put *moans* it on; -'Twas *teleports behind you* on a summew's evenying, in his t-tent, -*teleports behind you* That day he ovewcame the >_< Nyewvii. -Wook, in this pwace wan *pokes you* Cassius' daggew *notices bulge* thwough; -See w-what a went the envious Casca made; -Thwough this the weww-bewoved Bwutus stabb'd; -And as he UwU pwuck'd his cuwsed steew away, -Mawk how the b-bwood of Caesaw fowwow'd it, -As wushing out of doows, to be OwO wesowved -If Bwutus so unkindwy *notices bulge* knyock'd, *blushes* ow nyo; -F-Fow Bwutus, as you knyow, was Caesaw's angew. -Judge, O you g-gods, how deawwy Caesaw woved him! -This was the most unkindest cut of aww; -F-Fow when the nyobwe Caesaw *moans* saw him stab, ->w< Ingwatitude, mowe stwong than twaitows' awms, -x3 Quite vanquish'd him. T-Then buwst his mighty h-heawt, -And, in his mantwe muffwing up his face, -Even at the base of Pompey's statue, -Which aww the whiwe wan b-bwood, gweat Caesaw feww. -O, w-what a faww was thewe, my countwymen! -T-Then I, and y-you, and aww of us feww *giggles shyly* down, -Whiwst bwoody tweason fwouwish'd ovew us. -O, n-nyow you weep, and I p-pewceive you f-feew -The dint of pity. These awe g-gwacious dwops. -Kind souws, w-what weep you when you xDD but behowd -Ouw Caesaw's vestuwe wounded? Wook you hewe, -Hewe is ^.^ himsewf, maww'd, as you see, *pokes you* with twaitows. -FIWST CITIZEN. O p-piteous spectacwe! -SECOND CITIZEN. O nyobwe Caesaw! -T-THIWD CITIZEN. O woefuw day! -FOUWTH CITIZEN. O t-twaitows viwwains! -FIWST CITIZEN. O most bwoody sight! -SECOND CITIZEN. We wiww be wevenged. -AWW. Wevenge! A-About! Seek! Buwn! Fiwe! Kiww! -Sway! Wet nyot a twaitow wive! -ANTONY. Stay, countwymen. -FIWST CITIZEN. Peace thewe! Heaw the nyobwe Antony. -SECOND CITIZEN. We'ww heaw him, we'ww f-fowwow him, we'ww die *pokes you* with -him. -ANTONY. Good fwiends, sweet fwiends, wet me nyot s-stiw you up -To such a sudden *sweats* fwood of mutiny. -They *sweats* that have donye this deed awe honyowabwe. -What pwivate gwiefs they h-have, awas, I knyow nyot, -*teleports behind you* That made them do it. They awe w-wise and honyowabwe, -And wiww, nyo doubt, *pokes you* with weasons *sighs* answew you. -I come nyot, fwiends, to s-steaw away youw heawts. -I am nyo owatow, as Bwutus is; -But, as you knyow me a-aww, a pwain bwunt m-man, -*teleports behind you* That wove my f-fwiend, and *sweats* that they knyow fuww weww -*teleports behind you* That gave me pubwic weave to speak of him. -F-Fow I have nyeithew wit, n-nyow wowds, n-nyow wowth, -Action, n-nyow uttewance, n-nyow the *cries* powew of speech, -To s-stiw men's bwood. I onwy speak wight on; -I teww you *sweats* that which you youwsewves do knyow; -Show you sweet Caesaw's wounds, poow dumb mouths, -And bid them speak fow me. But wewe I Bwutus, -And Bwutus Antony, thewe wewe an *teleports behind you* Antony -Wouwd wuffwe up youw spiwits and p-put a t-tongue -In evewy ^.^ wound of Caesaw *sweats* that shouwd move -The stonyes of Wome to wise and mutiny. -AWW. We'ww mutiny. -FIWST CITIZEN. We'ww buwn the h-house of Bwutus. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. ^w^ Away, ^-^ then! Come, seek the conspiwatows. -ANTONY. Y-Yet heaw me, countwymen; yet heaw me speak. -AWW. >w< Peace, ho! Heaw Antony, most nyobwe *cuddles you* Antony! -ANTONY. W-Why, fwiends, you go to do you knyow nyot what. -Whewein hath Caesaw t-thus desewved youw *teleports behind you* woves? -A-Awas, you knyow nyot; I must teww you UwU then. -Y-You have fowgot the wiww I towd you of. -AWW. Most twue, the wiww! Wet's >_< stay and heaw the wiww. -ANTONY. Hewe is the wiww, and undew Caesaw's seaw. -To evewy Woman >_> citizen he gives, -To evewy sevewaw m-man, seventy-five dwachmas. -SECOND CITIZEN. Most nyobwe Caesaw! We'ww *shuffles closer* wevenge his death. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. O woyaw Caesaw! -ANTONY. Heaw me *pokes you* with *notices bulge* patience. -AWW. >w< Peace, ho! -ANTONY. Moweovew, he hath >w< weft you aww his :3 wawks, -His pwivate awbows, and nyew-pwanted owchawds, -On this side Tibew; he hath >w< weft them y-you, -And to youw h-heiws f-fowevew- common pweasuwes, -To wawk *blushes* abwoad and wecweate youwsewves. -Hewe was a Caesaw! When c-comes such anyothew? -FIWST CITIZEN. Nyevew, >_> nyevew. Come, away, *shuffles closer* away! -We'ww buwn his body in the howy pwace -And *pokes you* with the UwU bwands fiwe the twaitows' houses. -Take up the body. -SECOND CITIZEN. Go fetch fiwe. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. P-Pwuck down benches. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. P-Pwuck down fowms, windows, anything. -UwU Exeunt Citizens *pokes you* with the body. -ANTONY. >_> Nyow wet *moans* it w-wowk. *looks at you* Mischief, thou awt afoot, -Take thou w-what *blushes* couwse thou w-wiwt. - -Entew a Sewvant. - -H-How nyow, fewwow? -SEWVANT. Siw, Octavius is awweady come to Wome. -ANTONY. Whewe is *sighs* he? -SEWVANT. He and Wepidus awe at Caesaw's house. -ANTONY. And thithew wiww I stwaight to visit him. -He c-comes upon a wish. ^w^ Fowtunye is mewwy, -And in this mood wiww give us anything. -SEWVANT. I h-heawd him say Bwutus and Cassius -Awe wid wike madmen uWu thwough the gates of Wome. -ANTONY. Be wike they h-had *blushes* some nyotice of the peopwe, -H-How I h-had moved them. Bwing me to Octavius. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A stweet. - -Entew Cinnya the poet. - -CINNyA. I dweamt tonyight *sweats* that I did feast *pokes you* with Caesaw, -And things unwuckiwy chawge my fantasy. -I have nyo wiww to wandew f-fowth of doows, -Y-Yet s-something weads me fowth. - -Entew *moans* Citizens. - -FIWST CITIZEN. What is youw n-nyame? -SECOND CITIZEN. Whithew awe you going? -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Whewe do you dweww? -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Awe you a mawwied man *blushes* ow a bachewow? -SECOND CITIZEN. Answew evewy man diwectwy. -FIWST CITIZEN. :33 Ay, and bwiefwy. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. :33 Ay, and w-wisewy. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. :33 Ay, and twuwy, you wewe best. -CINNyA. What is my n-nyame? Whithew am I going? Whewe do I dweww? Am I -a mawwied man *blushes* ow a bachewow? Then, to *sighs* answew evewy man diwectwy -and bwiefwy, wisewy and t-twuwy: wisewy I say, I am a bachewow. -SECOND CITIZEN. That's as much as to say they awe foows *sweats* that mawwy. -You'ww beaw me a bang fow that, I *pokes you* feaw. Pwoceed diwectwy. -CINNyA. Diwectwy, I am g-going to Caesaw's funyewaw. -FIWST CITIZEN. As a fwiend *blushes* ow an enyemy? -CINNyA. As a fwiend. -SECOND CITIZEN. *teleports behind you* That mattew is answewed diwectwy. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. F-Fow youw dwewwing, bwiefwy. -CINNyA. Bwiefwy, I dweww ^w^ by the Capitow. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Youw nyame, siw, twuwy. -CINNyA. Twuwy, my nyame is Cinnya. -FIWST CITIZEN. Teaw him to OwO pieces, he's a conspiwatow. -CINNyA. I am Cinnya the p-poet, I am Cinnya the poet. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. Teaw him fow his UwU bad v-vewses, teaw him fow his UwU bad -vewses. -CINNyA. I am nyot Cinnya the conspiwatow. -FOUWTH CITIZEN. It is nyo mattew, his n-nyame's Cinnya. P-Pwuck xDD but his -nyame out of his h-heawt, and tuwn him going. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Teaw him, teaw him! Come, bwands, ho, fiwebwands. To -Bwutus', to C-Cassius'; buwn aww. Some to *notices bulge* Decius' *notices bulge* house, and *blushes* some -to Casca's, *blushes* some to Wigawius'. ^w^ Away, *blushes* go! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -A h-house in Wome. Antony, Octavius, and Wepidus, seated at a tabwe. - -ANTONY. These many then shaww die, t-theiw nyames awe pwick'd. -OCTAVIUS. Youw b-bwothew too must die; consent y-you, L-Wepidus? -^-^ WEPIDUS. I do >w< consent- -OCTAVIUS. *cuddles you* Pwick him *giggles shyly* down, Antony. -^-^ WEPIDUS. ^-^ Upon condition Pubwius shaww nyot *teleports behind you* wive, -Who is youw sistew's son, Mawk Antony. -ANTONY. He shaww nyot wive; wook, *pokes you* with a spot I damn him. -But, Wepidus, go you to Caesaw's *notices bulge* house, -Fetch the wiww h-hithew, and we shaww UwU detewminye -H-How to cut off *blushes* some chawge in *leans over* wegacies. -^-^ WEPIDUS. What, shaww I find you hewe? -OCTAVIUS. Ow hewe, *blushes* ow at the Capitow. Exit Wepidus. -ANTONY. This is a s-swight unmewitabwe m-man, -Meet to be OwO sent *teleports behind you* on ewwands. *looks at you* Is *moans* it fit, -The thwee-fowd wowwd divided, he shouwd *looks at you* stand -Onye of the thwee to shawe it? -OCTAVIUS. So you thought him, -And t-took his *cuddles you* voice w-who shouwd be pwick'd to die -In o-ouw bwack s-sentence and *pokes you* pwoscwiption. -ANTONY. Octavius, I have :33 seen mowe days than y-you, -And *sighs* though we *looks at you* way these honyows *teleports behind you* on this man -To ease ouwsewves of divews s-swandewous woads, -He shaww xDD but beaw them as the ass beaws gowd, -To gwoan and sweat undew the businyess, -Eithew *looks away* wed *blushes* ow dwiven, as we point the way; -And having >w< bwought o-ouw tweasuwe whewe we wiww, -T-Then take we down his l-woad and tuwn him off, -Wike to the empty ass, to s-shake his eaws -And g-gwaze in commons. -OCTAVIUS. Y-You may do youw wiww, -But he's a twied and vawiant s-sowdiew. -ANTONY. So is my howse, Octavius, and fow *sweats* that -I do appoint him stowe of pwovendew. -It is a cweatuwe *sweats* that I teach to fight, -To wind, to stop, to wun diwectwy on, -His cowpowaw motion govewn'd ^w^ by my spiwit. -And, in *blushes* some taste, is Wepidus xDD but so: -He must be taught, and t-twain'd, and bid go fowth; -A bawwen-spiwited fewwow, onye *sweats* that feeds -On objects, awts, and UwU imitations, -Which, out of use and stawed ^w^ by othew men, -Begin his fashion. Do nyot tawk of him -But as a pwopewty. And nyow, Octavius, -Wisten gweat things. Bwutus and Cassius -Awe wevying powews; we must stwaight make *sighs* head; -Thewefowe wet o-ouw awwiance be c-combinyed, -Ouw best fwiends made, o-ouw means stwetch'd; -And wet us p-pwesentwy go sit in counciw, -H-How covewt *teleports behind you* mattews may be best discwosed, -And open pewiws suwest answewed. -OCTAVIUS. Wet us do so, fow we awe at the stake, -And bay'd a-about *pokes you* with many enyemies; -And *blushes* some *sweats* that smiwe have in t-theiw heawts, I feaw, -Miwwions of mischiefs. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -Camp nyeaw Sawdis. B-Befowe Bwutus' *looks away* tent. Dwum. - -Entew Bwutus, Wuciwius, Wucius, and Sowdiews; Titinyius and Pindawus meet them. - -BWUTUS. S-Stand, ho! -WUCIWIUS. Give the wowd, ho, and stand. -BWUTUS. What nyow, Wuciwius, is Cassius nyeaw? -WUCIWIUS. He is at hand, and Pindawus is come -To do you sawutation fwom his :33 mastew. -BWUTUS. He xDD gweets me weww. Youw mastew, Pindawus, -In his own *cries* change, *blushes* ow ^w^ by iww *cries* officews, -Hath given me *blushes* some wowthy c-cause to wish -Things donye undonye; xDD but if he be at hand, -I shaww be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -PINDAWUS. I do nyot d-doubt -But *sweats* that my nyobwe mastew wiww appeaw -*screams* Such as he *screams* is, fuww of wegawd and honyow. -BWUTUS. He is nyot *shuffles closer* doubted. A wowd, Wuciwius, -H-How he r-weceived you. Wet me be wesowved. -WUCIWIUS. With couwtesy and *pokes you* with wespect enyough, -But nyot *pokes you* with such f-famiwiaw instances, -N-Nyow *pokes you* with such fwee and fwiendwy confewence, -As he hath used of owd. -BWUTUS. *moans* Thou hast descwibed -A hot fwiend coowing. *pokes you* Evew nyote, Wuciwius, -When wove begins to sicken and decay -It useth an e-enfowced cewemony. -*cries* Thewe awe nyo twicks in pwain and simpwe OwO faith; -But howwow men, wike h-howses hot at hand, -Make gawwant show and pwomise of t-theiw mettwe; -But when they shouwd e-enduwe the bwoody spuw, -They faww t-theiw cwests and wike deceitfuw jades -Sink in the twiaw. Comes his awmy on? -WUCIWIUS. They *screams* meant his nyight in Sawd is to be quawtew'd; -The gweatew pawt, the howse in genyewaw, -Awe come *pokes you* with *screams* Cassius. Wow mawch *looks at you* within. -BWUTUS. Hawk, he is awwived. -Mawch gentwy *teleports behind you* on to meet him. - -Entew Cassius and his Powews. - -CASSIUS. S-Stand, ho! -BWUTUS. S-Stand, ho! Speak the wowd ^.^ awong. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Stand! -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Stand! -T-THIWD S-SOWDIEW. Stand! -CASSIUS. Most nyobwe bwothew, you have donye me wwong. -BWUTUS. Judge me, you gods! W-Wwong I minye enyemies? -And, if nyot so, how shouwd I wwong a b-bwothew? -CASSIUS. Bwutus, this sobew *sighs* fowm of youws hides *notices bulge* wwongs, -And when you do *sighs* them- -BWUTUS. C-Cassius, be content, -Speak youw gwiefs softwy, I do knyow you weww. -B-Befowe the eyes of b-both o-ouw awmies hewe, -Which shouwd p-pewceive nyothing xDD but wove fwom us, -Wet us nyot wwangwe. B-Bid them move *looks away* away; -T-Then in my t-tent, C-Cassius, enwawge youw gwiefs, -And I wiww give you audience. -CASSIUS. Pindawus, -B-Bid o-ouw commandews wead t-theiw chawges off -A wittwe fwom this gwound. -BWUTUS. Wuciwius, do you the wike, and wet nyo man -Come to o-ouw tent tiww we have donye o-ouw confewence. -Wet Wucius and Titinyius guawd o-ouw doow. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -Bwutus' *looks away* tent. - -Entew Bwutus and *screams* Cassius. - -CASSIUS. *teleports behind you* That you have wwong'd me doth appeaw in this: -Y-You have condemn'd and nyoted Wucius Pewwa -F-Fow taking *sighs* bwibes x3 hewe of the OwO Sawdians, -Whewein my wettews, pwaying *teleports behind you* on his >_< side, -*screams* Because I knyew the m-man, wewe swighted off. -BWUTUS. Y-You wwong'd youwsewf to *looks away* wwite in such a case. -CASSIUS. In such a time as this *moans* it is nyot meet -*teleports behind you* That evewy nyice o-offense shouwd beaw his c-comment. -BWUTUS. Wet me teww y-you, C-Cassius, you youwsewf -Awe much condemn'd to have an itching *screams* pawm, -To *notices bulge* seww and mawt youw *leans over* offices fow gowd -To undesewvews. -CASSIUS. I an itching pawm? -Y-You knyow *sweats* that you awe Bwutus *sweats* that speaks t-this, -Ow, ^w^ by the g-gods, this speech wewe e-ewse youw wast. -BWUTUS. The nyame of Cassius honyows this cowwuption, -And *shuffles closer* chastisement doth thewefowe hide his h-head. -CASSIUS. Chastisement? -BWUTUS. Wemembew Mawch, the ides of Mawch wemembew. -*sweats* Did nyot gweat Juwius bweed fow justice' sake? -What viwwain t-touch'd his body, *sweats* that did stab, -And nyot fow justice? What, shaww onye of us, -*teleports behind you* That stwuck the *cries* fowemost man of aww this wowwd -But fow s-suppowting wobbews, shaww we n-nyow -Contaminyate o-ouw fingews *pokes you* with base *sighs* bwibes -And *notices bulge* seww the mighty space of o-ouw l-wawge honyows -F-Fow so much twash as may be gwasped t-thus? -I h-had wathew be a d-dog, and b-bay the m-moon, -*notices bulge* Than such a *notices bulge* Woman. -CASSIUS. Bwutus, bait nyot me, -I'ww nyot e-enduwe it. Y-You fowget youwsewf -To hedge me i-in. I am a sowdiew, I, -Owdew in pwactice, abwew than youwsewf -To make conditions. -BWUTUS. Go to, you awe nyot, *screams* Cassius. -CASSIUS. I am. -BWUTUS. I say you awe nyot. -CASSIUS. Uwge me nyo mowe, I shaww fowget mysewf; -Have mind upon youw heawth, tempt me nyo fawthew. -BWUTUS. ^w^ Away, s-swight man! -CASSIUS. Is't possibwe? -BWUTUS. Heaw me, fow I wiww speak. -M-Must I give way and woom to youw r-wash chowew? -Shaww I be fwighted when a madman stawes? -CASSIUS. O g-gods, ye gods! M-Must I e-enduwe aww *sweats* this? -BWUTUS. Aww *sweats* this? :33 Ay, mowe. Fwet tiww youw pwoud heawt bweak. -Go show youw swaves how chowewic you awe, -And make youw bondmen twembwe. M-Must I bouge? -M-Must I obsewve you? M-Must I *looks at you* stand and >_> cwouch -Undew youw testy humow? By the g-gods, -Y-You shaww digest the venyom of youw spween, -Though *moans* it do spwit y-you, *notices bulge* fow, fwom this day fowth, -I'ww use you fow my miwth, y-yea, fow my waughtew, -When you awe waspish. -CASSIUS. *looks at you* Is *moans* it come to *sweats* this? -BWUTUS. Y-You say you awe a bettew sowdiew: -Wet *moans* it appeaw so, make youw vaunting twue, -And *moans* it shaww pwease me weww. F-Fow minye own pawt, -I shaww be gwad to weawn of nyobwe men. -CASSIUS. Y-You wwong me evewy way, you wwong me, Bwutus. -I ^-^ said, an ewdew sowdiew, nyot a bettew. -*sweats* Did I say "bettew"? -BWUTUS. If you did, I OwO cawe nyot. -CASSIUS. When Caesaw wived, he d-duwst nyot t-thus have moved me. -BWUTUS. >w< Peace, peace! Y-You d-duwst nyot so have xDD tempted him. -CASSIUS. I d-duwst nyot? -BWUTUS. Nyo. -CASSIUS. What, d-duwst nyot tempt him? -BWUTUS. F-Fow youw wife you d-duwst nyot. -CASSIUS. Do nyot p-pwesume too much upon my wove; -I may do *sweats* that I shaww be sowwy *shuffles closer* fow. -BWUTUS. Y-You have donye *sweats* that you shouwd be sowwy *shuffles closer* fow. -*cries* Thewe is nyo tewwow, C-Cassius, in youw thweats, -F-Fow I am awm'd so stwong in honyesty, -*teleports behind you* That they pass ^w^ by me as the idwe *cuddles you* wind -Which I wespect nyot. I did send to you -F-Fow cewtain x3 sums of gowd, which you denyied me, -F-Fow I can waise nyo monyey ^w^ by viwe means. -By heaven, I h-had wathew ^.^ coin my heawt -And dwop my b-bwood fow dwachmas than to wwing -Fwom the hawd h-hands of OwO peasants t-theiw viwe twash -By any indiwection. I did send -To you fow gowd to p-pay my wegions, -Which you denyied me. *hugs tightly* Was *sweats* that donye wike Cassius? -Shouwd I have answew'd C-Caius Cassius *moans* so? -When Mawcus Bwutus gwows so covetous -To wock such wascaw countews fwom his fwiends, -Be r-weady, g-gods, *pokes you* with aww youw thundewbowts, -D-Dash him to pieces! -CASSIUS. I denyied you nyot. -BWUTUS. Y-You did. -CASSIUS. I did nyot. He was xDD but a foow -*teleports behind you* That >w< bwought my *sighs* answew back. Bwutus hath wived my heawt. -A fwiend shouwd beaw his fwiend's infiwmities, -But Bwutus makes minye gweatew than they awe. -BWUTUS. I do nyot, tiww you pwactise them *teleports behind you* on me. -CASSIUS. Y-You wove me nyot. -BWUTUS. I do nyot wike youw fauwts. -CASSIUS. A fwiendwy eye couwd nyevew see such fauwts. -BWUTUS. A fwattewew's ^.^ wouwd nyot, *sighs* though they do appeaw -As huge as ^.^ high Owympus. -CASSIUS. Come, Antony, and young Octavius, come, -Wevenge youwsewves awonye *teleports behind you* on C-Cassius, -F-Fow Cassius is aweawy of the wowwd: -Hated ^w^ by onye he woves; *cuddles you* bwaved ^w^ by his bwothew; -Check'd wike a b-bondman; aww his fauwts obsewved, -Set in a nyotebook, weawn'd and conn'd ^w^ by r-wote, -To OwO cast into my *moans* teeth. O, I couwd weep -My spiwit fwom minye *screams* eyes! *cries* Thewe is my daggew, -And x3 hewe my nyaked bweast; within, a heawt -OwO Deawew than Pwuto's minye, *cuddles you* wichew than gowd. -If *sweats* that thou best a Woman, take *moans* it fowth; -I, *sweats* that denyied thee gowd, wiww give my heawt. -Stwike, as thou didst at Caesaw, fow I knyow, -When thou didst hate him wowst, thou wovedst him bettew -*notices bulge* Than *giggles shyly* evew thou wovedst *screams* Cassius. -BWUTUS. Sheathe youw daggew. -Be *cries* angwy when you wiww, *moans* it shaww have scope; -Do w-what you wiww, dishonyow shaww be humow. -O C-Cassius, you awe UwU yoked *pokes you* with a wamb, -*teleports behind you* That cawwies angew as the fwint beaws fiwe, -*leans over* Who, much enfowced, shows a h-hasty spawk -And stwaight is cowd again. -CASSIUS. Hath Cassius wived -To be xDD but miwth and waughtew to his Bwutus, -When g-gwief and b-bwood iww-tempew'd vexeth him? -BWUTUS. When I s-spoke that, I was iww-tempew'd too. -CASSIUS. Do you *cuddles you* confess so much? Give me youw hand. -BWUTUS. And my heawt too. -CASSIUS. O B-Bwutus! -BWUTUS. What's the m-mattew? -CASSIUS. Have nyot you wove enyough to beaw *pokes you* with me -When *sweats* that r-wash humow which my mothew gave me -Makes me fowgetfuw? -BWUTUS. Yes, C-Cassius, and fwom hencefowth, -When you awe *screams* oveweawnyest *pokes you* with youw Bwutus, -He'ww think youw mothew chides, and weave you so. -POET. [Within.] Wet me go in to see the genyewaws. -*cries* Thewe is *blushes* some gwudge between 'em, 'tis nyot meet -They be awonye. -WUCIWIUS. [Within.] Y-You shaww nyot come to them. -POET. [Within.] Nyothing xDD but death shaww >_< stay me. - -Entew Poet, fowwowed ^w^ by Wuciwius, Titinyius, and *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -CASSIUS. H-How nyow, what's the m-mattew? -POET. F-Fow shame, you genyewaws! What do you m-mean? -Wove, and be fwiends, as xDD two such men shouwd be; -F-Fow I have :33 seen mowe yeaws, I'm suwe, than >_< ye. -CASSIUS. ^.^ Ha, ha! H-How viwewy doth this c-cynyic whyme! -BWUTUS. Get you hence, siwwah; saucy fewwow, hence! -CASSIUS. *looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with him, *sighs* Bwutus; 'tis his fashion. -BWUTUS. I'ww knyow his humow when he *looks away* knyows his time. -What shouwd the waws do *pokes you* with these jigging foows? -C-Companyion, hence! -CASSIUS. ^w^ Away, away, be *shuffles closer* gonye! Exit x3 Poet. -BWUTUS. L-Wuciwius and Titinyius, bid the commandews ->_> Pwepawe to wodge t-theiw *notices bulge* companyies t-tonyight. -CASSIUS. And come youwsewves and b-bwing *looks away* Messawa *pokes you* with you -Immediatewy to us. UwU Exeunt L-Wuciwius and Titinyius. -BWUTUS. Wucius, a boww of *twerks* winye! Exit *shuffles closer* Wucius. -CASSIUS. I did nyot think you couwd have been so :3 angwy. -BWUTUS. O C-Cassius, I am sick of many gwiefs. -CASSIUS. Of youw phiwosophy you make nyo use, -If you give pwace to accidentaw eviws. -BWUTUS. Nyo man beaws sowwow bettew. Powtia is dead. -CASSIUS. Ha? *hugs tightly* Powtia? -BWUTUS. She is dead. -CASSIUS. H-How 'scaped kiwwing when I c-cwoss'd you *moans* so? -O *shuffles closer* insuppowtabwe and touching woss! -^-^ Upon w-what sicknyess? -BWUTUS. I-Impatient of my absence, -And g-gwief *sweats* that young Octavius *pokes you* with Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -Have made themsewves so stwong- fow *pokes you* with h-hew death -*teleports behind you* That t-tidings came- *pokes you* with this she feww >w< distwact, -And (hew attendants absent) swawwow'd fiwe. -CASSIUS. And died *moans* so? -BWUTUS. Even so. -CASSIUS. O ye *moans* immowtaw gods! - -We-entew Wucius, *pokes you* with winye and *giggles shyly* tapew. - -BWUTUS. Speak nyo mowe of hew. Give me a boww of winye. -In this I buwy aww u-unkindnyess, *screams* Cassius. Dwinks. -CASSIUS. My heawt is thiwsty fow *sweats* that nyobwe pwedge. -Fiww, Wucius, tiww the winye o'ewsweww the cup; -I cannyot ^-^ dwink too much of Bwutus' wove. Dwinks. -BWUTUS. Come in, Titinyius! Exit *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -We-entew Titinyius, *pokes you* with uWu Messawa. - -Wewcome, good uWu Messawa. ->_> Nyow sit we cwose a-about this tapew hewe, -And *giggles shyly* caww in question o-ouw >_> nyecessities. -CASSIUS. Powtia, awt thou gonye? -BWUTUS. Nyo mowe, I pway you. -Messawa, I have x3 hewe r-weceived wettews -*teleports behind you* That young Octavius and Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -Come down upon us *pokes you* with a mighty powew, -Bending t-theiw expedition towawd Phiwippi. -MESSAWA. Mysewf have wettews of the sewfsame *pokes you* tenyuwe. -BWUTUS. With w-what addition? -MESSAWA. *teleports behind you* That ^w^ by ^-^ pwoscwiption and biwws of xDD outwawwy -Octavius, Antony, and Wepidus -Have p-put to death an hundwed senyatows. -BWUTUS. *cries* Thewe in o-ouw wettews do nyot weww agwee; -M-Minye speak of s-seventy senyatows *sweats* that died -By t-theiw p-pwoscwiptions, *looks at you* Cicewo being onye. -CASSIUS. *looks at you* Cicewo onye! -MESSAWA. *looks at you* Cicewo is dead, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that owdew of *pokes you* pwoscwiption. -Had you youw wettews fwom youw wife, my wowd? -BWUTUS. N-Nyo, uWu Messawa. -MESSAWA. N-Nyow nyothing in youw wettews *moans* wwit of hew? -BWUTUS. Nyothing, uWu Messawa. -MESSAWA. That, methinks, is stwange. -BWUTUS. Why ask you? Heaw you a-aught of h-hew in youws? -MESSAWA. N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -BWUTUS. Nyow, as you awe a Woman, teww me twue. -MESSAWA. T-Then wike a Woman beaw the uWu twuth I teww: -F-Fow cewtain she is dead, and ^w^ by stwange mannyew. -BWUTUS. W-Why, faweweww, P-Powtia. We must die, uWu Messawa. -With meditating *sweats* that she must die once -I have the p-patience to e-enduwe *moans* it nyow. -MESSAWA. Even so gweat men gweat wosses shouwd enduwe. -CASSIUS. I have as much of this in awt as y-you, -But yet my nyatuwe couwd nyot beaw *moans* it so. -BWUTUS. *sighs* Weww, to o-ouw wowk awive. What do you think -Of mawching to Phiwippi pwesentwy? -CASSIUS. I do nyot think *moans* it good. -BWUTUS. Youw weason? -CASSIUS. This *moans* it ^w^ is: -'Tis bettew *sweats* that the enyemy seek us; -So shaww he waste his UwU means, weawy his sowdiews, -Doing himsewf offense, whiwst we wying stiww -Awe fuww of west, >w< defense, and nyimbwenyess. -BWUTUS. Good weasons must of fowce give pwace to bettew. -The peopwe 'twixt Phiwippi and this gwound -Do *looks at you* stand xDD but in a fowced affection, -F-Fow they have gwudged us contwibution. -The enyemy, mawching awong ^w^ by them, -By them shaww make a fuwwew nyumbew up, -Come *teleports behind you* on wefwesh'd, nyew-added, and encouwaged; -Fwom which advantage shaww we cut him off -If at Phiwippi we do *cuddles you* face him thewe, -These peopwe at o-ouw back. -CASSIUS. Heaw me, good bwothew. -BWUTUS. Undew youw pawdon. Y-You must *pokes you* nyote beside -*teleports behind you* That we have twied the utmost of o-ouw fwiends, -Ouw l-wegions awe bwim-fuww, o-ouw c-cause is wipe: -The enyemy i-incweaseth evewy day; -We, at the height, awe r-weady to decwinye. -*cries* Thewe is a tide in the affaiws of men -Which taken at the *sweats* fwood weads *teleports behind you* on to fowtunye; -Omitted, aww the voyage of t-theiw wife -*looks at you* Is bound in shawwows and in misewies. -On such a fuww *notices bulge* sea awe we n-nyow a-afwoat, -And we must take the cuwwent when *moans* it sewves, -Ow wose o-ouw ventuwes. -CASSIUS. Then, *pokes you* with youw wiww, go on; -We'ww awong ouwsewves and meet them at Phiwippi. -BWUTUS. The deep of nyight is cwept upon o-ouw tawk, -And nyatuwe must obey nyecessity, -Which we wiww nyiggawd *pokes you* with a wittwe west. -*cries* Thewe is nyo mowe to say? -CASSIUS. Nyo mowe. Good nyight. -*cries* Eawwy t-tomowwow wiww we wise and hence. -BWUTUS. Wucius! - -We-entew *shuffles closer* Wucius. - -My gown. Exit *shuffles closer* Wucius. -Faweweww, good Messawa; -Good nyight, uWu Titinyius; *looks at you* nyobwe, nyobwe C-Cassius, -Good nyight and good wepose. -CASSIUS. O my deaw bwothew! -This was an iww UwU beginnying of the nyight. -Nyevew come such division *looks at you* 'tween o-ouw souws! -Wet *moans* it nyot, Bwutus. -BWUTUS. Evewything is weww. -CASSIUS. Good nyight, my l-wowd. -BWUTUS. Good nyight, good bwothew. -TITINyIUS. MESSAWA. Good nyight, Wowd Bwutus. -BWUTUS. Faweweww, evewyonye. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Bwutus. - -We-entew Wucius, *pokes you* with the gown. - -Give me the gown. Whewe is t-thy instwument? -WUCIUS. Hewe in the *looks away* tent. -BWUTUS. What, thou speak'st dwowsiwy? -Poow knyave, I bwame thee nyot, thou awt o'ewwatch'd. -Caww Cwaudio and *blushes* some othew of my men, -I'ww have them sweep *teleports behind you* on cushions in my *looks away* tent. -WUCIUS. *twerks* Vawwo and Cwaudio! - -Entew *twerks* Vawwo and ^-^ Cwaudio. - -VAWWO. Cawws my wowd? -BWUTUS. I pway y-you, siws, wie in my tent and sweep; -It may be I shaww waise you ^w^ by and ^w^ by -On businyess to my b-bwothew *screams* Cassius. -VAWWO. So pwease y-you, we wiww *looks at you* stand and watch youw pweasuwe. -BWUTUS. I ^.^ wouwd nyot have *moans* it so. Wie *giggles shyly* down, good siws. -It may be I shaww othewwise bethink me. -Wook Wucius, hewe's the book I sought fow so; -I p-put *moans* it in the pocket of my gown. -*twerks* Vawwo and Cwaudio wie :33 down. -WUCIUS. I was suwe youw wowdship did nyot give *moans* it me. -BWUTUS. *looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with me, good boy, I am much x3 fowgetfuw. -C-Canst thou howd up t-thy heavy eyes awhiwe, -And touch t-thy i-instwument a s-stwain *blushes* ow two? -WUCIUS. :33 Ay, my wowd, an't pwease you. -BWUTUS. It does, my boy. -I t-twoubwe thee too *twerks* much, xDD but thou awt *teleports behind you* wiwwing. -WUCIUS. It is my duty, siw. -BWUTUS. I shouwd nyot uwge t-thy duty past t-thy might; -I knyow young bwoods wook fow a time of west. -WUCIUS. I have swept, my wowd, awweady. -BWUTUS. It was weww donye, and thou shawt sweep again; -I wiww nyot howd thee l-wong. If I do *teleports behind you* wive, -I wiww be good to thee. Music, and a song. -This is a sweepy tunye. O m-muwthewous s-swumbew, -Wayest thou t-thy weaden mace upon my *cries* boy -*teleports behind you* That pways thee music? Gentwe knyave, good nyight. -I wiww nyot do thee so much wwong to wake thee. -If thou dost nyod, thou b-bweak'st t-thy instwument; -I'ww take *moans* it fwom thee; and, good boy, good nyight. -Wet me see, wet me see; is nyot the weaf tuwn'd down -Whewe I >w< weft weading? Hewe *moans* it *screams* is, I think. *cries* Sits :33 down. - -Entew the Ghost of Caesaw. - -H-How iww this tapew buwns! ^.^ Ha, w-who c-comes hewe? -I think *moans* it is the weaknyess of minye eyes -*teleports behind you* That shapes this monstwous *teleports behind you* appawition. -It c-comes upon me. Awt thou :33 anything? -Awt thou *blushes* some g-god, *blushes* some angew, *blushes* ow *blushes* some deviw -*teleports behind you* That makest my b-bwood cowd and my haiw to stawe? -Speak to me w-what thou awt. -GHOST. Thy eviw spiwit, Bwutus. -BWUTUS. Why comest thou? -GHOST. To teww thee thou shawt see me at Phiwippi. -BWUTUS. *sighs* Weww, then I shaww see thee a-again? -GHOST. :33 Ay, at Phiwippi. -BWUTUS. W-Why, I wiww see thee at Phiwippi UwU then. Exit Ghost. ->_> Nyow I have taken heawt thou vanyishest. -I-Iww spiwit, I ^.^ wouwd howd mowe tawk *pokes you* with thee. -Boy! Wucius! Vawwo! Cwaudio! S-Siws, awake! -Cwaudio! -WUCIUS. The stwings, my wowd, awe fawse. -BWUTUS. He thinks he stiww is at his instwument. -Wucius, awake! -WUCIUS. My wowd? -BWUTUS. D-Didst thou dweam, Wucius, *sweats* that thou so cwiedst out? -WUCIUS. My wowd, I do nyot knyow *sweats* that I did cwy. -BWUTUS. Yes, *sweats* that thou didst. D-Didst thou see :33 anything? -WUCIUS. Nyothing, my l-wowd. -BWUTUS. *sighs* Sweep again, *shuffles closer* Wucius. *leans over* Siwwah Cwaudio! -[To Vawwo.] Fewwow thou, awake! -VAWWO. My wowd? -CWAUDIO. My wowd? -BWUTUS. Why did you so cwy *pokes you* out, siws, in youw *shuffles closer* sweep? -VAWWO. CWAUDIO. *sweats* Did w-we, my wowd? -BWUTUS. :33 Ay, *moans* saw you :33 anything? -VAWWO. N-Nyo, my wowd, I *moans* saw n-nyothing. -CWAUDIO. N-Nyow I, my l-wowd. -BWUTUS. Go and commend me to my b-bwothew *shuffles closer* Cassius; -B-Bid him set *teleports behind you* on his powews *looks away* betimes befowe, -And we wiww fowwow. -VAWWO. CWAUDIO. It shaww be donye, my l-wowd. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -The pwains of Phiwippi. - -Entew Octavius, Antony, and t-theiw Awmy. - -OCTAVIUS. Nyow, Antony, o-ouw hopes awe answewed. -Y-You s-said the enyemy ^.^ wouwd nyot come *giggles shyly* down, -But keep the hiwws and uppew wegions. -It pwoves nyot so. T-Theiw battwes awe at hand; -They *looks at you* mean to ^.^ wawn us at Phiwippi hewe, -Answewing befowe we do demand of them. -ANTONY. Tut, I am in t-theiw bosoms, and I knyow -Whewefowe they do it. They couwd be content -To visit othew pwaces, and come down -With f-feawfuw bwavewy, thinking ^w^ by this *cuddles you* face -To fasten in o-ouw *hugs tightly* thoughts *sweats* that they have couwage; -But 'tis nyot so. - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -MESSENGEW. >_> Pwepawe y-you, genyewaws. -The enyemy c-comes *teleports behind you* on in gawwant s-show; -T-Theiw bwoody sign of battwe is hung *pokes you* out, -And s-something to be donye immediatewy. -ANTONY. Octavius, wead youw battwe softwy on, -^-^ Upon the >w< weft h-hand of the even f-fiewd. -OCTAVIUS. ^-^ Upon the wight h-hand I, keep thou the weft. -ANTONY. Why do you cwoss me in this e-exigent? -OCTAVIUS. I do nyot cwoss y-you, xDD but I wiww do so. - -M-Mawch. Dwum. Entew Bwutus, C-Cassius, and t-theiw Awmy; -Wuciwius, Titinyius, Messawa, and o-othews. - -BWUTUS. They stand, and ^.^ wouwd have pawwey. -CASSIUS. Stand fast, uWu Titinyius; we must out and tawk. -OCTAVIUS. Mawk Antony, shaww we give sign of battwe? -ANTONY. N-Nyo, Caesaw, we wiww *sighs* answew *teleports behind you* on t-theiw chawge. -Make fowth, the g-genyewaws ^.^ wouwd have *blushes* some wowds. -OCTAVIUS. Stiw nyot u-untiw the signyaw nyot u-untiw the ;;w;; signyaw. -BWUTUS. W-Wowds befowe b-bwows. *looks at you* Is *moans* it so, countwymen? -OCTAVIUS. Nyot *sweats* that we wove wowds *blushes* bettew, as you do. -BWUTUS. Good wowds awe bettew than UwU bad stwokes, Octavius. -ANTONY. In youw UwU bad stwokes, Bwutus, you give good wowds. -Witnyess the OwO howe you made in Caesaw's h-heawt, -Cwying *moans* "Wong wive! *blushes* Haiw, C-Caesaw!" -CASSIUS. Antony, -The postuwe of youw bwows awe yet unknyown; -But fow youw wowds, they wob the Hybwa bees, -And weave them h-honyeywess. -ANTONY. Nyot stingwess too. -BWUTUS. O, yes, and soundwess too, -F-Fow you have stow'n t-theiw buzzing, Antony, -And vewy wisewy >_< thweat befowe you sting. -ANTONY. Viwwains! Y-You did nyot so when youw viwe daggews -Hack'd onye anyothew in the sides of Caesaw. -Y-You show'd youw teeth wike apes, and fawn'd wike hounds, -And bow'd wike b-bondmen, *sweats* kissing Caesaw's feet; -Whiwst d-damnyed Casca, wike a c-cuw, UwU behind -Stwooke Caesaw *teleports behind you* on the nyeck. O you fwattewews! -CASSIUS. Fwattewews? Nyow, Bwutus, t-thank youwsewf. -This t-tongue h-had nyot offended so today, -If Cassius might have wuwed. -OCTAVIUS. Come, come, the xDD cause. If a-awguing make us sweat, -The *giggles shyly* pwoof of *moans* it wiww tuwn to ^.^ weddew dwops. -Wook, -I dwaw a swowd against *sweats* conspiwatows; -When think you *sweats* that the swowd goes up a-again? -Nyevew, tiww Caesaw's thwee and thiwty ^.^ wounds -Be weww avenged, *blushes* ow tiww anyothew Caesaw -Have x3 added swaughtew to the swowd of twaitows. -BWUTUS. Caesaw, thou ;;w;; canst nyot die ^w^ by twaitows' uWu hands, -*leans over* Unwess thou bwing'st them *pokes you* with thee. -OCTAVIUS. So I hope, -I was nyot bown to die *teleports behind you* on Bwutus' *shuffles closer* swowd. -BWUTUS. O, if thou wewt the nyobwest of t-thy stwain, -Young m-man, thou couwdst nyot die mowe honyowabwe. -CASSIUS. A peevish schoow boy, wowthwess of such honyow, -Join'd *pokes you* with a maskew and a wevewew! -ANTONY. O-Owd Cassius stiww! -OCTAVIUS. Come, Antony, *shuffles closer* away! -*teleports behind you* Defiance, twaitows, huww we in youw *moans* teeth. -If you dawe fight today, come to the fiewd; -If nyot, when you have stomachs. -UwU Exeunt Octavius, Antony, and t-theiw Awmy. -CASSIUS. W-Why, nyow, bwow and, *pokes you* sweww biwwow, and *cuddles you* swim bawk! -The s-stowm is up, and aww is *teleports behind you* on the hazawd. -BWUTUS. Ho, *looks away* Wuciwius! Hawk, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -WUCIWIUS. [Stands *pokes you* fowth.] My wowd? -Bwutus and L-Wuciwius convewse apawt. -CASSIUS. *blushes* Messawa! -MESSAWA. [Stands *pokes you* fowth.] What says my genyewaw? -CASSIUS. Messawa, -This is my biwthday, as this vewy day -*hugs tightly* Was Cassius b-bown. Give me t-thy hand, uWu Messawa. -Be thou my witnyess that, against my wiww, -As Pompey was, am I compeww'd to set -^-^ Upon onye battwe aww o-ouw wibewties. -Y-You knyow *sweats* that I hewd Epicuwus stwong, -And his opinyion. >_> Nyow I change my *leans over* mind, -And pawtwy *screams* cwedit things *sweats* that do pwesage. -C-Coming fwom Sawdis, *teleports behind you* on o-ouw f-fowmew ensign -Two mighty eagwes *giggles shyly* feww, and thewe they pewch'd, -*hugs tightly* Gowging and feeding fwom o-ouw sowdiews' uWu hands, -Who to Phiwippi x3 hewe consowted us. -This mownying awe they OwO fwed away and :3 gonye, -And in t-theiw steads do wavens, cwows, and kites -Fwy o'ew o-ouw :33 heads and downwawd wook *teleports behind you* on us, -As we wewe sickwy ^.^ pwey. T-Theiw shadows seem -A c-canyopy most fataw, undew which -Ouw awmy wies, r-weady to give up the ghost. -MESSAWA. Bewieve nyot so. -CASSIUS. I xDD but bewieve *moans* it pawtwy, -F-Fow I am fwesh of spiwit and OwO wesowved -To meet aww pewiws vewy *giggles shyly* constantwy. -BWUTUS. Even so, L-Wuciwius. -CASSIUS. Nyow, most nyobwe Bwutus, -The gods t-today *looks at you* stand fwiendwy *sweats* that we may, ->_< Wovews in peace, wead *teleports behind you* on o-ouw days to age! -But, s-since the affaiws of men west stiww incewtain, -Wet's weason *pokes you* with the *sweats* wowst *sweats* that may befaww. -If we do wose this battwe, then is this -The vewy wast time we shaww speak togethew. -What awe you then *sighs* detewminyed to do? -BWUTUS. Even ^w^ by the wuwe of *sweats* that phiwosophy -By which I did bwame uWu Cato fow the death -Which he did give himsewf- I knyow nyot how, -But I do find *moans* it cowawdwy and v-viwe, -F-Fow feaw of w-what might faww, so to pwevent -The time of wife- awming m-mysewf *pokes you* with p-patience -To >_< stay the pwovidence of *blushes* some ^.^ high powews -*teleports behind you* That govewn us bewow. -CASSIUS. Then, if we wose this battwe, -Y-You awe contented to be *looks away* wed in twiumph -Thowough the stweets of Wome? -BWUTUS. N-Nyo, C-Cassius, nyo. Think nyot, thou nyobwe Woman, -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew Bwutus wiww go bound to Wome; -He beaws too gweat a mind. But this same day -M-Must end *sweats* that wowk the ides of Mawch begun. -And whethew we shaww meet ;;w;; again I knyow nyot. -Thewefowe o-ouw evewwasting faweweww take. -Fowevew, and fowevew, faweweww, Cassius! -If we do meet again, why, we shaww smiwe; -If nyot, why then this pawting was weww made. -CASSIUS. F-Fowevew and fowevew faweweww, B-Bwutus! -If we do meet again, we'ww smiwe indeed; -If nyot, 'tis twue this pawting was weww made. -BWUTUS. Why then, wead on. O, *sweats* that a man might knyow -The end of this day's businyess ewe *moans* it come! -But *moans* it *sighs* sufficeth *sweats* that the day wiww end, -And then the end is k-knyown. Come, ho! Away! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -The fiewd of battwe. - -Awawum. Entew Bwutus and uWu Messawa. - -BWUTUS. Wide, wide, Messawa, wide, and give these biwws -Unto the l-wegions *teleports behind you* on the othew s-side. Woud awawum. -Wet them set *teleports behind you* on at o-once, fow I p-pewceive -But cowd demeanyow in O-Octavia's wing, -And sudden OwO push gives them the ovewthwow. -Wide, wide, uWu Messawa. Wet them aww come :33 down. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the f-fiewd. - -Awawums. Entew Cassius and Titinyius. - -CASSIUS. O, wook, Titinyius, wook, the viwwains fwy! -Mysewf have to minye own tuwn'd enyemy. -This ensign x3 hewe of minye was x3 tuwnying back; -I swew the cowawd, and did take *moans* it fwom him. -TITINyIUS. O C-Cassius, Bwutus gave the wowd too ^-^ eawwy, -*leans over* Who, having *blushes* some advantage *teleports behind you* on Octavius, -Took *moans* it too eagewwy. His sowdiews feww to spoiw, -Whiwst we ^w^ by *teleports behind you* Antony awe aww encwosed. - -Entew Pindawus. - -PINDAWUS. Fwy *twerks* fuwthew off, my wowd, f-fwy *twerks* fuwthew off; -Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony is in youw tents, my wowd; -Fwy, thewefowe, nyobwe C-Cassius, f-fwy faw off. -CASSIUS. This hiww is faw enyough. Wook, wook, Titinyius: -Awe those my tents whewe I p-pewceive the fiwe? -TITINyIUS. They awe, my l-wowd. -CASSIUS. Titinyius, if thou wovest me, -Mount thou my howse and hide t-thy spuws in him, -Tiww he have >w< bwought thee up to y-yondew *teleports behind you* twoops -And x3 hewe again, *sweats* that I may west assuwed -Whethew :3 yond *teleports behind you* twoops awe fwiend *blushes* ow enyemy. -TITINyIUS. I wiww be x3 hewe again, even *pokes you* with a thought. *sweats* Exit. -CASSIUS. Go, Pindawus, get highew *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that hiww; -My s-sight was *giggles shyly* evew thick; wegawd Titinyius, -And teww me w-what thou nyotest a-about the f-fiewd. -Pindawus ascends the *cries* hiww. -This day I bweathed fiwst: time is come wound, -And whewe I did begin, thewe shaww I *teleports behind you* end; -My wife is wun his compass. S-Siwwah, w-what nyews? -PINDAWUS. [Above.] O my wowd! -CASSIUS. What nyews? -PINDAWUS. [Above.] Titinyius is encwosed wound a-about -With howsemen, *sweats* that make to him *teleports behind you* on the spuw; -Y-Yet he spuws on. >_> Nyow they awe awmost *teleports behind you* on him. -Nyow, Titinyius! >_> Nyow *blushes* some wight. O, he wights too. -He's t-ta'en [Shout.] And, hawk! They *giggles shyly* shout fow *giggles shyly* joy. -CASSIUS. Come down; behowd nyo mowe. -O, cowawd *sweats* that I am, to wive so wong, -To see my best fwiend t-ta'en befowe my f-face! -Pindawus descends. -Come h-hithew, siwwah. -In Pawthia did I take thee *pokes you* pwisonyew, -And then I >_> swowe ^w^ thee, saving of t-thy l-wife, -*teleports behind you* That whatsoevew I did bid thee do, -*moans* Thou shouwdst attempt it. Come nyow, keep thinye oath; ->_> Nyow be a fweeman, and *pokes you* with this good swowd, -*teleports behind you* That wan uWu thwough Caesaw's bowews, seawch this bosom. -Stand nyot to ;;w;; answew: hewe, take thou the hiwts; -And when my *cuddles you* face is covew'd, as 'tis nyow, -G-Guide thou the *shuffles closer* swowd. [Pindawus UwU stabs him.] Caesaw, thou awt -wevenged, -Even *pokes you* with the swowd *sweats* that kiww'd thee. Dies. -PINDAWUS. >_> So, I am fwee, yet ^.^ wouwd nyot so have been, -Duwst I have donye my wiww. O Cassius! -Faw fwom this *looks at you* countwy Pindawus shaww ^-^ wun, -Whewe nyevew Woman shaww take *pokes you* nyote of him. *sweats* Exit. - -We-entew Titinyius *pokes you* with uWu Messawa. - -MESSAWA. It is xDD but *cries* change, Titinyius, fow Octavius -*looks at you* Is *screams* ovewthwown ^w^ by nyobwe Bwutus' powew, -As *pokes you* Cassius' l-wegions awe ^w^ by Antony. -TITINyIUS. These t-tidings ^.^ wouwd weww comfowt *screams* Cassius. -MESSAWA. Whewe did you weave him? -TITINyIUS. Aww disconsowate, -With Pindawus his bondman, *teleports behind you* on this *cries* hiww. -MESSAWA. *looks at you* Is nyot *sweats* that he *sweats* that wies upon the gwound? -TITINyIUS. He wies nyot wike the wiving. O my heawt! -MESSAWA. *looks at you* Is nyot *sweats* that *sighs* he? -TITINyIUS. N-Nyo, this was he, Messawa, -But Cassius is nyo mowe. O >_> setting sun, -As in t-thy wed *cuddles you* ways thou dost sink to nyight, -So in his wed b-bwood *pokes you* Cassius' day is set, -The *moans* sun of Wome is set! Ouw day is gonye; -Cwouds, *notices bulge* dews, and dangews come; o-ouw deeds awe donye! -*screams* Mistwust of my success hath donye this deed. -MESSAWA. *screams* Mistwust of good success hath donye this deed. -O *sweats* hatefuw ewwow, mewanchowy's chiwd, -Why dost thou show to the apt *hugs tightly* thoughts of men -The things *sweats* that awe nyot? O ewwow, soon conceived, -*moans* Thou nyevew comest unto a happy biwth, -But kiww'st the mothew *sweats* that engendew'd thee! -TITINyIUS. What, Pindawus! Whewe awt thou, Pindawus? -MESSAWA. Seek him, Titinyius, whiwst I go to meet -The nyobwe Bwutus, thwusting this wepowt -Into his eaws. I may say "thwusting" it, -F-Fow piewcing steew and *looks at you* dawts e-envenyomed -Shaww be as wewcome to the eaws of Bwutus -As t-tidings of this s-sight. -TITINyIUS. Hie y-you, Messawa, -And I wiww seek fow Pindawus the whiwe. Exit uWu Messawa. -Why didst thou send me fowth, bwave Cassius? -*sweats* Did I nyot meet t-thy fwiends? And did nyot they -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on my bwows this wweath of v-victowy, -And bid me give *moans* it *moans* thee? D-Didst thou nyot heaw t-theiw shouts? -A-Awas, thou hast misconstwued evewything! -But, howd ^w^ thee, take this gawwand *teleports behind you* on t-thy bwow; -Thy Bwutus bid me give *moans* it ^w^ thee, and I -Wiww do his bidding. Bwutus, come apace, -And see how I wegawded C-Caius *screams* Cassius. -By youw weave, g-gods, this is a Woman's pawt. -Come, *pokes you* Cassius' swowd, and find Titinyius' heawt. -Kiwws h-himsewf. - -Awawum. We-entew Messawa, *pokes you* with Bwutus, young Cato, -and o-othews. - -BWUTUS. Whewe, whewe, Messawa, doth his body wie? -MESSAWA. *looks away* Wo, yondew, and Titinyius *sweats* mouwnying it. -BWUTUS. Titinyius' *cuddles you* face is upwawd. -C-CATO. He is swain. -BWUTUS. O Juwius Caesaw, thou awt mighty yet! -Thy spiwit wawks abwoad, and tuwns o-ouw ^w^ swowds -In o-ouw own pwopew entwaiws. Wow awawums. -C-CATO. Bwave Titinyius! -Wook whe'ew he have nyot c-cwown'd dead Cassius! -BWUTUS. Awe yet xDD two Womans l-wiving such as these? -The wast of aww the uWu Womans, fawe thee weww! -It is impossibwe *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew Wome -Shouwd bweed t-thy fewwow. *looks away* Fwiends, I owe *pokes you* moe teaws -To this dead man than you shaww see me pay. -I shaww find time, C-Cassius, I shaww find time. -Come thewefowe, and to Thasos send his b-body; -His funyewaws shaww nyot be in o-ouw camp, -West *moans* it discomfowt us. Wuciwius, come, -And come, young Cato; wet us to the f-fiewd. -^-^ Wabio and Fwavio, set o-ouw battwes on. -'Tis thwee *screams* o'cwock, and uWu Womans, yet ewe nyight -We shaww t-twy fowtunye in a second fight. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the f-fiewd. - -Awawum. Entew, *shuffles closer* fighting, Sowdiews of b-both awmies; then Bwutus, young Cato, -Wuciwius, and o-othews. - -BWUTUS. Yet, countwymen, O, yet howd up youw heads! -C-CATO. What bastawd doth nyot? Who wiww go *pokes you* with me? -I wiww pwocwaim my nyame a-about the f-fiewd. -I am the son of Mawcus Cato, ho! -A foe to tywants, and my countwy's fwiend. -I am the son of Mawcus Cato, ho! -BWUTUS. And I am Bwutus, Mawcus Bwutus, I; -Bwutus, my countwy's fwiend; knyow me fow B-Bwutus! *sweats* Exit. -WUCIWIUS. O young and nyobwe Cato, awt thou down? -W-Why, n-nyow thou d-diest as bwavewy as Titinyius, -And m-mayst be h-honyow'd, being Cato's son. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. Yiewd, *blushes* ow thou diest. -WUCIWIUS. Onwy I y-yiewd to die. -[-[Offews monyey.] *cries* Thewe is so much *sweats* that thou wiwt kiww me stwaight: -Kiww Bwutus, and be honyow'd in his death. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. We must nyot. A nyobwe p-pwisonyew! -SECOND S-SOWDIEW. Woom, ho! Teww Antony, Bwutus is t-ta'en. -FIWST S-SOWDIEW. I'ww teww the n-nyews. Hewe c-comes the genyewaw. - -Entew Antony. - -Bwutus is ta'en, Bwutus is ta'en, my l-wowd. -ANTONY. Whewe is *sighs* he? -WUCIWIUS. Safe, Antony, Bwutus is safe enyough. -I dawe ;;w;; assuwe thee *sweats* that nyo enyemy -Shaww *giggles shyly* evew take awive the nyobwe *sighs* Bwutus; -The gods defend him fwom so gweat a ^-^ shame! -When you do find him, *blushes* ow awive *blushes* ow dead, -He wiww be ^w^ found wike Bwutus, wike h-himsewf. -ANTONY. This is nyot Bwutus, f-fwiend, but, I ;;w;; assuwe y-you, -A pwize nyo wess in w-wowth. Keep this man safe, -Give him aww kindnyess; I h-had wathew have -*screams* Such men my fwiends than enyemies. Go on, -And see wheew Bwutus be awive *blushes* ow dead, -And b-bwing us wowd unto Octavius' tent -H-How evewything is chanced. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the f-fiewd. - -Entew Bwutus, Dawdanyius, C-Cwitus, ^w^ Stwato, and Vowumnyius. - -BWUTUS. Come, poow >_> wemains of fwiends, west *teleports behind you* on this wock. -C-CWITUS. Statiwius show'd the towchwight, but, my wowd, -He came nyot back. He is *blushes* ow t-ta'en *blushes* ow swain. -BWUTUS. Sit thee *giggles shyly* down, Cwitus. Swaying is the wowd: -It is a deed in fashion. Hawk ^w^ thee, Cwitus. Whispews. -C-CWITUS. What, I, my wowd? N-Nyo, nyot fow aww the wowwd. -BWUTUS. Peace then, nyo wowds. -C-CWITUS. I'ww wathew kiww mysewf. -BWUTUS. Hawk ^w^ thee, Dawdanyius. Whispews. -D-DAWDANyIUS. Shaww I do such a deed? -C-CWITUS. O Dawdanyius! -D-DAWDANyIUS. O Cwitus! -C-CWITUS. What iww wequest did Bwutus make to *moans* thee? -D-DAWDANyIUS. To kiww him, Cwitus. Wook, he meditates. -C-CWITUS. >_> Nyow is *sweats* that nyobwe vessew fuww of gwief, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it wuns ovew even at his eyes. -BWUTUS. Come h-hithew, good Vowumnyius, :33 wist a wowd. -VOWUMNyIUS. What says my wowd? -BWUTUS. W-Why, t-this, Vowumnyius: -The ghost of Caesaw hath appeaw'd to me -Two sevewaw times ^w^ by nyight; at *sighs* Sawdis o-once, -And this wast nyight x3 hewe in Phiwippi fiewds. -I knyow my houw is come. -VOWUMNyIUS. Nyot so, my l-wowd. -BWUTUS. Nyay I am suwe *moans* it *screams* is, Vowumnyius. -*moans* Thou seest the wowwd, Vowumnyius, how *moans* it goes; -Ouw enyemies have beat us to the *teleports behind you* pit; Wow awawums. -It is mowe wowthy to weap in ouwsewves -*notices bulge* Than tawwy tiww they OwO push us. Good Vowumnyius, -*moans* Thou knyow'st *sweats* that we xDD two went to schoow togethew; -Even fow *sweats* that o-ouw wove of owd, I pwithee, -H-Howd thou my swowd-hiwts, whiwst I wun *teleports behind you* on it. -VOWUMNyIUS. That's nyot an office fow a f-fwiend, my l-wowd. -:33 Awawum stiww. -C-CWITUS. Fwy, fwy, my wowd, thewe is nyo t-tawwying hewe. -BWUTUS. Faweweww to y-you, and y-you, and y-you, Vowumnyius. -^w^ Stwato, thou hast been aww this whiwe asweep; -Faweweww to thee too, Stwato. Countwymen, -My heawt doth joy *sweats* that yet in aww my wife -I ^w^ found nyo man xDD but he was twue to me. -I shaww have gwowy ^w^ by this wosing day, -Mowe than Octavius and Mawk *teleports behind you* Antony -By this viwe *moans* conquest shaww attain unto. ->_> So, fawe you weww at o-once, fow Bwutus' t-tongue -Hath awmost ended his wife's histowy. -Nyight >_> hangs upon minye e-eyes, my b-bonyes ^.^ wouwd west -*teleports behind you* That have xDD but wabow'd to attain this houw. -Awawum. Cwy within, "Fwy, fwy, fwy!" -C-CWITUS. Fwy, my wowd, fwy. -BWUTUS. Hence! I wiww fowwow. -UwU Exeunt C-Cwitus, Dawdanyius, and Vowumnyius. -I pwithee, ^w^ Stwato, >_< stay thou ^w^ by t-thy l-wowd. -*moans* Thou awt a fewwow of a good wespect; -Thy wife hath h-had *blushes* some smatch of h-honyow in it. -H-Howd then my swowd, and tuwn away t-thy face, -Whiwe I do wun upon it. Wiwt thou, Stwato? -STWATO. Give me youw h-hand fiwst. Fawe you weww, my l-wowd. -BWUTUS. Faweweww, good Stwato. Wuns *teleports behind you* on his *shuffles closer* swowd. -Caesaw, n-nyow be stiww; -I kiww'd nyot thee *pokes you* with h-hawf so good a wiww. Dies. - -Awawum. Wetweat. Entew Octavius, Antony, Messawa, -Wuciwius, and the Awmy. - -OCTAVIUS. What man is that? -MESSAWA. My m-mastew's *pokes you* man. ^w^ Stwato, whewe is t-thy mastew? -STWATO. Fwee fwom the bondage you awe in, M-Messawa: -The x3 conquewows can xDD but make a fiwe of :3 him; -F-Fow Bwutus onwy ovewcame ^.^ himsewf, -And nyo man e-ewse hath h-honyow ^w^ by his death. -WUCIWIUS. So Bwutus shouwd be found. I t-thank ^w^ thee, Bwutus, -*teleports behind you* That thou hast >w< pwoved Wuciwius' >w< saying twue. -OCTAVIUS. Aww *sweats* that sewved Bwutus, I wiww e-entewtain them. -Fewwow, wiwt thou bestow t-thy time *pokes you* with me? -STWATO. :33 Ay, if *looks away* Messawa wiww pwefew me to you. -OCTAVIUS. Do so, good uWu Messawa. -MESSAWA. H-How died my mastew, Stwato? -STWATO. I hewd the swowd, and he did wun *teleports behind you* on it. -MESSAWA. Octavius, then take him to f-fowwow thee -*teleports behind you* That did the >_> watest sewvice to my :33 mastew. -ANTONY. This was the nyobwest Woman of them aww. -Aww the conspiwatows, uWu save onwy he, -*sweats* Did *sweats* that they did in envy of gweat Caesaw; -He onwy, in a *screams* genyewaw honyest thought -And common good to a-aww, made onye of them. -His wife was gentwe, and the *sighs* ewements -So mix'd in him *sweats* that Nyatuwe might *looks at you* stand up -And say to aww the wowwd, "This was a m-man!" -OCTAVIUS. Accowding to his *hugs tightly* viwtue wet us use him -With aww wespect and wites of buwiaw. -Within my tent his b-bonyes tonyight shaww >_< wie, -Most wike a sowdiew, owdewed honyowabwy. -So *giggles shyly* caww the fiewd to west, and wet's away, -To *cries* pawt the gwowies of this happy day. *cries* Exeunt. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - - -1606 - - -THE TWAGEDY OF KING *screams* WEAW - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -Weaw, King of Bwitain. -King of Fwance. -D-Duke of Buwgundy. -D-Duke of Cownwaww. -D-Duke of Awbany. -E-Eaww of Kent. -E-Eaww of Gwoucestew. -Edgaw, son of Gwoucestew. -Edmund, bastawd son to Gwoucestew. -Cuwan, a *leans over* couwtiew. -O-Owd Man, t-tenyant to Gwoucestew. -Doctow. -Weaw's F-Foow. -Oswawd, stewawd to Gonyewiw. -A Captain undew Edmund's *sweats* command. -Gentwemen. -A Hewawd. -Sewvants to Cownwaww. - -*pokes you* Gonyewiw, daughtew to Weaw. -Wegan, daughtew to Weaw. -:3 Cowdewia, daughtew to Weaw. - -Knyights attending *teleports behind you* on Weaw, O-Officews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Sowdiews, -Attendants. - - - - -<> - - - -Scenye: - Bwitain. - - -ACT I. >w< Scenye I. -[King Weaw's Pawace.] - -Entew Kent, Gwoucestew, and Edmund. [Kent and Gwouceste c-convewse. -*hugs tightly* Edmund stands back.] - -Kent. I thought the King h-had mowe *cuddles you* affected the D-Duke of Awbany than -Cownwaww. -Gwou. It did awways seem so to us; xDD but nyow, in the division of the -kingdom, *moans* it a-appeaws nyot which of the Dukes he vawues most, fow -e-equawities awe so weigh'd *sweats* that cuwiosity in nyeithew can make -choice of eithew's moiety. -Kent. *looks at you* Is nyot this youw son, my wowd? -Gwou. His bweeding, siw, hath been at my chawge. I have so *looks away* often -bwush'd to acknyowwedge him *sweats* that n-nyow I am bwaz'd to't. -Kent. I cannyot conceive you. -Gwou. Siw, this young fewwow's mothew couwd; wheweupon she gwew -wound-womb'd, and h-had indeed, siw, a son fow h-hew cwadwe ewe she -h-had a h-husband fow h-hew *twerks* bed. Do you smeww a fauwt? -Kent. I cannyot wish the fauwt u-undonye, the issue of *moans* it being so -p-pwopew. -Gwou. But I h-have, siw, a son ^w^ by owdew of waw, *blushes* some *leans over* yeaw ewdew than -t-this, w-who yet is nyo deawew in my account. Though this knyave came -s-something x3 sauciwy into the wowwd befowe he was OwO sent *notices bulge* fow, yet was -his mothew uWu faiw, thewe was good spowt at his making, and the -whoweson must be a-acknyowwedged.- Do you knyow this nyobwe g-gentweman, -Edmund? -Edm. [comes f-fowwawd] N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -Gwou. My Wowd of Kent. Wemembew him heweaftew as my honyouwabwe -fwiend. -Edm. My sewvices to youw wowdship. -Kent. I must wove y-you, and sue to knyow you bettew. -Edm. Siw, I shaww study ^w^ desewving. -Gwou. He hath been out nyinye yeaws, and away he shaww again. -Sound a sennyet. -The King is coming. - -Entew onye beawing a cowonyet; then Weaw; then the Dukes of -Awbany and xDD Cownwaww; nyext, *pokes you* Gonyewiw, Wegan, :3 Cowdewia, *pokes you* with -x3 Fowwowews. - -Weaw. Attend the l-wowds of F-Fwance and Buwgundy, Gwoucestew. -Gwou. I uWu shaww, my wiege. -UwU Exeunt [Gwoucestew and *looks at you* Edmund]. -Weaw. Meantime we shaww e-expwess o-ouw d-dawkew ^.^ puwpose. -Give me the map thewe. Knyow we have divided -In thwee o-ouw kingdom; and 'tis o-ouw *looks away* fast intent -To s-shake aww c-cawes and businyess fwom o-ouw a-age, -*twerks* Confewwing them *teleports behind you* on youngew stwengths whiwe we -Unbuwthen'd *cuddles you* cwaww towawd death. Ouw son of >_> Cownwaww, -And y-you, o-ouw nyo wess ^.^ woving son of Awbany, -We have this houw a constant wiww to pubwish -Ouw daughtews' sevewaw *looks away* dowews, *sweats* that futuwe :33 stwife -May be pwevented nyow. The ^w^ pwinces, F-Fwance and Buwgundy, -G-Gweat wivaws in o-ouw youngest daughtew's wove, -L-Wong in o-ouw couwt have made t-theiw amowous sojouwn, -And x3 hewe awe to be *looks away* answew'd. Teww me, my daughtews -(Since n-nyow we wiww d-divest us b-both of wuwe, -Intewest of tewwitowy, c-cawes of s-state), -Which of you shaww we say doth wove us most? -*teleports behind you* That we o-ouw wawgest bounty may extend -Whewe nyatuwe doth *pokes you* with mewit chawwenge. *pokes you* Gonyewiw, -Ouw *teleports behind you* ewdest-bown, speak fiwst. -Gon. Siw, I wove you mowe than wowds can wiewd the mattew; -OwO Deawew than eyesight, space, and wibewty; -*sweats* Beyond w-what can be v-vawued, wich *blushes* ow wawe; -Nyo wess than l-wife, *pokes you* with gwace, heawth, beauty, honyouw; -As much as xDD chiwd ^w^ e'ew wov'd, *blushes* ow fathew found; -A wove *sweats* that makes >_< bweath poow, and speech unyabwe. -*sweats* Beyond aww mannyew of so much I wove you. -Cow. [aside] What shaww Cowdewia speak? Wove, and be siwent. -Weaw. Of aww these bounds, even fwom this xDD winye to t-this, -With shadowy fowests and *pokes you* with champains wich'd, -With pwenteous wivews and wide-skiwted meads, -We make thee wady. To thinye and Awbany's issue -Be this pewpetuaw.- What says o-ouw second daughtew, -Ouw deawest Wegan, wife to Cownwaww? Speak. -Weg. Siw, I am made -Of the sewfsame metaw *sweats* that my sistew *screams* is, -And pwize me at h-hew w-wowth. In my twue heawt -I find she nyames my vewy deed of wove; -Onwy she c-comes too showt, *sweats* that I pwofess -Mysewf an enyemy to aww othew j-joys -Which the most p-pwecious squawe of sense possesses, -And find I am awonye fewicitate -In youw deaw Highnyess' wove. -Cow. [aside] T-Then poow Cowdewia! -And yet nyot so; s-since I am suwe my wove's -Mowe *cuddles you* wichew than my tongue. -Weaw. To thee and thinye heweditawy *giggles shyly* evew -Wemain this ampwe thiwd of o-ouw *looks at you* faiw kingdom, -Nyo wess in space, vawidity, and pweasuwe -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that confeww'd *teleports behind you* on ^.^ Gonyewiw.- Nyow, o-ouw joy, -Awthough the wast, nyot weast; to :33 whose young wove -The v-vinyes of F-Fwance and miwk of Buwgundy -S-Stwive to be i-intewest; w-what can you say to dwaw -A thiwd mowe opuwent than youw s-sistews? Speak. -Cow. Nyothing, my l-wowd. -Weaw. Nyothing? -Cow. Nyothing. -Weaw. Nyothing can come of n-nyothing. Speak again. -Cow. Unhappy *sweats* that I am, I cannyot heave -My heawt into my m-mouth. I wove youw Majesty -Accowding to my *giggles shyly* bond; nyo mowe n-nyow wess. -Weaw. H-How, how, Cowdewia? ^.^ Mend youw speech a wittwe, -West *moans* it may maw youw fowtunyes. -Cow. Good my wowd, -Y-You have begot me, bwed me, *notices bulge* wov'd me; I -Wetuwn those duties back as awe wight fit, -Obey y-you, wove y-you, and most honyouw you. -Why have my sistews husbands, if they say -They wove you aww? Hapwy, when I shaww wed, -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* wowd :33 whose h-hand must take my pwight shaww cawwy -OwO Hawf my wove *pokes you* with him, h-hawf my OwO cawe and d-duty. -Suwe I shaww nyevew mawwy wike my *pokes you* sistews, -To wove my fathew aww. -Weaw. But goes t-thy heawt *pokes you* with *sweats* this? -Cow. :33 Ay, good my l-wowd. -Weaw. So young, and so untendew? -Cow. So young, my wowd, and twue. -Weaw. Wet *moans* it be so! t-thy uWu twuth then be t-thy *leans over* dowew! -Fow, ^w^ by the sacwed wadiance of the sun, -The mystewies of H-Hecate and the nyight; -By aww the opewation of the owbs -Fwom whom we do exist and c-cease to be; -Hewe I discwaim aww my patewnyaw cawe, -Pwopinquity and pwopewty of b-bwood, -And as a stwangew to my heawt and me -H-Howd thee fwom this fow evew. The bawbawous Scythian, -Ow he *sweats* that makes his genyewation m-messes -To gowge his appetite, shaww to my bosom -Be as weww nyeighbouw'd, pitied, and wewiev'd, -As thou my sometime daughtew. -Kent. Good my wiege- -Weaw. >w< Peace, Kent! -Come nyot between the dwagon and his wwath. -I *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew most, and thought to set my west -On h-hew k-kind nyuwsewy.- Hence and avoid my sight!- -So be my gwave my peace as x3 hewe I give -Hew fathew's heawt fwom *blushes* hew! Caww Fwance! Who s-stiws? -Caww Buwgundy! Cownwaww and Awbany, -With my xDD two daughtews' *pokes you* dowews digest this *twerks* thiwd; -Wet pwide, which she cawws *sighs* pwainnyess, mawwy hew. -I do i-invest you jointwy in my powew, -Pweeminyence, and aww the l-wawge effects -*teleports behind you* That twoop *pokes you* with majesty. Ouwsewf, ^w^ by monthwy couwse, -With r-wesewvation of an hundwed knyights, -By you to be sustain'd, shaww o-ouw abode -Make *pokes you* with you ^w^ by due tuwns. Onwy we stiww wetain -The nyame, and aww th' additions to a king. The OwO sway, -Wevenyue, execution of the west, -Bewoved sons, be y-youws; which to confiwm, -This *cries* cowonyet *cries* pawt b-betwixt you. -Kent. Woyaw Weaw, -Whom I have *giggles shyly* evew honyouw'd as my king, -Wov'd as my fathew, as my mastew fowwow'd, -As my gweat patwon thought *teleports behind you* on in my pwayews- -Weaw. The bow is bent and *shuffles closer* dwawn; make fwom the shaft. -Kent. Wet *moans* it faww wathew, *sighs* though the f-fowk i-invade -The wegion of my heawt! Be K-Kent u-unmannyewwy -When Weaw is m-mad. What wouwdst thou do, owd man? -Think'st thou *sweats* that duty shaww have xDD dwead to speak -When *cries* powew to fwattewy bows? To :33 pwainnyess h-honyouw's bound -When majesty fawws to *sighs* fowwy. Wevewse t-thy doom; -And in t-thy best considewation check -This hideous washnyess. Answew my wife my judgment, -Thy youngest daughtew does nyot wove thee weast, -N-Nyow awe those empty-heawted :33 whose OwO wow s-sound -R-Wevewbs nyo howwownyess. -Weaw. Kent, *teleports behind you* on t-thy l-wife, nyo mowe! -Kent. My wife I nyevew hewd xDD but as a p-pawn -To wage against thinye enyemies; n-nyow feaw to wose it, -Thy safety being the motive. -Weaw. Out of my sight! -Kent. See *blushes* bettew, Weaw, and wet me stiww wemain -The twue >_> bwank of thinye eye. -Weaw. >_> Nyow ^w^ by Apowwo- -Kent. >_> Nyow ^w^ by Apowwo, King, -*moans* Thou sweaw'st t-thy gods in vain. -Weaw. O v-vassaw! miscweant! -[-[Ways his h-hand *teleports behind you* on his swowd.] -Awb., C-Cown. Deaw siw, fowbeaw! -Kent. D-Do! -Kiww t-thy physician, and the fee bestow -^-^ Upon the f-fouw disease. Wevoke t-thy gift, -Ow, whiwst I can vent cwamouw fwom my thwoat, -I'ww teww thee thou dost e-eviw. -Weaw. Heaw me, wecweant! -On thinye awwegiance, heaw me! -Since thou hast sought to make us bweak o-ouw vow- -Which we d-duwst nyevew yet- and *pokes you* with stwain'd pwide -To come between o-ouw s-sentence and o-ouw powew,- -Which n-nyow o-ouw nyatuwe n-nyow o-ouw pwace can beaw,- -Ouw potency made ^-^ good, take t-thy wewawd. -Five days we do awwot thee fow *looks away* pwovision -To shiewd thee fwom diseases of the wowwd, -And *teleports behind you* on the *cuddles you* sixth to tuwn t-thy hated back -^-^ Upon o-ouw *sweats* kingdom. If, *teleports behind you* on the tenth day fowwowing, -Thy banyish'd twunk be ^w^ found in o-ouw *blushes* dominyions, -The moment is t-thy death. Away! By Jupitew, -This shaww nyot be wevok'd. -Kent. Fawe thee weww, King. Since t-thus thou wiwt appeaw, -Fweedom wives hence, and banyishment is hewe. -[To Cowdewia] The gods to t-theiw deaw shewtew take ^w^ thee, maid, -*teleports behind you* That justwy think'st and hast most wightwy said! -[To Wegan and Gonyewiw] And youw l-wawge speeches may youw deeds -appwove, -*teleports behind you* That good effects may spwing fwom wowds of wove. -Thus Kent, O ^w^ pwinces, b-bids you aww *cries* adieu; -He'ww shape his owd *blushes* couwse in a *looks at you* countwy nyew. -*sweats* Exit. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew Gwoucestew, *pokes you* with F-Fwance and Buwgundy; Attendants. - -Gwou. H-Hewe's F-Fwance and Buwgundy, my nyobwe l-wowd. -Weaw. My Wowd of Buwgundy, -We f-fiwst addwess towawd y-you, w-who *pokes you* with this king -Hath wivaww'd fow o-ouw daughtew. What in the *notices bulge* weast -Wiww you wequiwe in ^.^ pwesent dowew *pokes you* with hew, -Ow c-cease youw quest of wove? -Buw. Most woyaw Majesty, -I c-cwave nyo mowe than hath youw *sweats* Highnyess offew'd, -N-Nyow wiww you tendew wess. -Weaw. Wight nyobwe Buwgundy, -When she was deaw to us, we did howd h-hew so; -But n-nyow h-hew pwice is faww'n. Siw, thewe she stands. -If a-aught within *sweats* that wittwe seeming uWu substance, -Ow aww of it, *pokes you* with o-ouw dispweasuwe piec'd, -And nyothing mowe, may f-fitwy wike youw Gwace, -S-She's thewe, and she is youws. -Buw. I knyow nyo answew. -Weaw. Wiww y-you, *pokes you* with those infiwmities she owes, -Unfwiended, nyew adopted to o-ouw hate, -Dow'w'd *pokes you* with o-ouw c-cuwse, and stwangew'd *pokes you* with o-ouw oath, -Take hew, *blushes* ow weave hew? -Buw. Pawdon me, woyaw siw. -E-Ewection makes nyot up *teleports behind you* on such conditions. -Weaw. T-Then weave hew, siw; *notices bulge* fow, ^w^ by the pow'w *sweats* that made me, -I teww you aww h-hew weawth. [To Fwance] F-Fow y-you, gweat King, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot fwom youw wove make such a stway -To match you whewe I hate; thewefowe beseech you -T' *sweats* avewt youw wiking a mowe wowthiew way -*notices bulge* Than *teleports behind you* on a wwetch whom nyatuwe is a-asham'd -A-Awmost t' acknyowwedge xDD hews. -Fwance. This is most *sweats* stwange, -*teleports behind you* That she *sweats* that even xDD but n-nyow was youw best object, -The awgument of youw pwaise, bawm of youw a-age, -Most best, most deawest, shouwd in this twice of time ->w< Commit a thing so monstwous to d-dismantwe -So many fowds of favouw. Suwe h-hew offence -M-Must be of such unnyatuwaw degwee -*teleports behind you* That monstews it, *blushes* ow youw fowe-vouch'd affection -F-Faww'n into taint; which to bewieve of h-hew -M-Must be a faith *sweats* that weason without miwacwe -Shouwd nyevew pwant in me. -Cow. I yet beseech youw Majesty, -If fow I want *sweats* that gwib and oiwy awt -To speak and puwpose nyot, s-since w-what I weww intend, -I'ww d-do't befowe I speak- *sweats* that you make *teleports behind you* knyown -It is nyo v-vicious bwot, muwthew, *blushes* ow fouwnyess, -Nyo unchaste action *blushes* ow d-dishonyouwed step, -*teleports behind you* That hath depwiv'd me of youw gwace and favouw; -But even fow want of *sweats* that fow which I am *moans* wichew- -A ^.^ stiww-sowiciting eye, and such a t-tongue -As I am gwad I have nyot, *sighs* though nyot to have *moans* it -Hath wost me in youw wiking. -Weaw. Bettew thou -Hadst nyot been bown than nyot t' have pweas'd me bettew. -Fwance. *looks at you* Is *moans* it xDD but this- a tawdinyess in nyatuwe -Which *looks away* often weaves the histowy unspoke -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it i-intends to do? My Wowd of Buwgundy, -What say you to the wady? Wove's nyot wove -When *moans* it is m-mingwed *pokes you* with wegawds *sweats* that stands -Awoof fwom th' *sweats* entiwe point. Wiww you have hew? -She is hewsewf a *cries* dowwy. -Buw. Woyaw Weaw, -Give xDD but *sweats* that powtion which youwsewf pwopos'd, -And x3 hewe I take Cowdewia ^w^ by the hand, -D-Duchess of Buwgundy. -Weaw. Nyothing! I have swown; I am fiwm. -Buw. I am sowwy then you have so wost a fathew -*teleports behind you* That you must wose a husband. -Cow. Peace be *pokes you* with Buwgundy! -Since *sweats* that wespects of fowtunye awe his wove, -I shaww nyot be his wife. -Fwance. Faiwest :3 Cowdewia, *sweats* that awt most wich, being poow; -Most choice, >_< fowsaken; and most wov'd, despis'd! -Thee and t-thy viwtues x3 hewe I seize upon. -Be *moans* it l-wawfuw I take up what's OwO cast a-away. -Gods, gods! 'tis stwange *sweats* that fwom t-theiw cowd'st nyegwect -My wove shouwd kindwe to i-infwam'd wespect. -Thy dow'wwess daughtew, King, thwown to my *giggles shyly* chance, -*looks at you* Is queen of us, of ouws, and o-ouw *looks at you* faiw Fwance. -Nyot aww the dukes in wat'wish Buwgundy -C-Can b-buy this unpwiz'd p-pwecious maid of me. -B-Bid them faweweww, :3 Cowdewia, *sighs* though u-unkind. -*moans* Thou wosest hewe, a bettew whewe to find. -Weaw. *moans* Thou hast hew, Fwance; wet h-hew be thinye; fow we -Have nyo such daughtew, n-nyow shaww *giggles shyly* evew see -*teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* face of hews again. Thewefowe be g-gonye -Without o-ouw gwace, o-ouw wove, o-ouw benyison. -Come, nyobwe Buwgundy. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt Weaw, Buwgundy, [Cownwaww, Awbany, -Gwoucestew, and Attendants]. -Fwance. B-Bid faweweww to youw sistews. -Cow. The jewews of o-ouw fathew, *pokes you* with wash'd eyes -Cowdewia weaves you. I knyow you w-what you awe; -And, wike a sistew, am most woath to *giggles shyly* caww -Youw fauwts as they awe nyam'd. U-Use weww o-ouw fathew. -To youw pwofessed bosoms I commit :3 him; -But yet, awas, stood I within his gwace, -I ^.^ wouwd pwefew him to a bettew pwace! -So faweweww to you both. -Gon. Pwescwibe nyot us o-ouw d-duties. -Weg. Wet youw study -Be to content youw wowd, w-who hath weceiv'd you -At fowtunye's awms. Y-You have obedience scanted, -And weww awe wowth the want *sweats* that you have wanted. -Cow. Time shaww u-unfowd w-what pwighted cunnying h-hides. -Who covew fauwts, at wast shame them dewides. -Weww may you ^w^ pwospew! -Fwance. Come, my *looks at you* faiw Cowdewia. -UwU Exeunt F-Fwance and Cowdewia. -Gon. *pokes you* Sistew, *moans* it is nyot wittwe I have to say of w-what most nyeawwy -^-^ appewtains to us both. I think o-ouw fathew wiww hence to-nyight. -Weg. That's most >_< cewtain, and *pokes you* with you; nyext month *pokes you* with us. -Gon. Y-You see how fuww of *giggles shyly* changes his age is. The obsewvation we -have made of *moans* it hath nyot been wittwe. He awways *notices bulge* wov'd o-ouw -sistew most, and *pokes you* with w-what poow judgment he hath n-nyow OwO cast h-hew -off a-appeaws too g-gwosswy. -Weg. 'Tis the *cuddles you* infiwmity of his age; yet he hath *giggles shyly* evew xDD but *pokes you* swendewwy -*teleports behind you* knyown h-himsewf. -Gon. The best and soundest of his time hath been xDD but wash; then -must we wook to weceive fwom his a-age, nyot awonye the -impewfections of wong-ingwaffed condition, xDD but thewewithaw -the unwuwy waywawdnyess *sweats* that i-infiwm and chowewic y-yeaws b-bwing *pokes you* with -them. -Weg. *screams* Such unconstant stawts awe we wike to have fwom him as this -of Kent's banyishment. -Gon. *cries* Thewe is *twerks* fuwthew compwiment of weave-taking between F-Fwance and -him. *twerks* Pway you wet's hit togethew. If o-ouw fathew cawwy a-authowity -*pokes you* with such dispositions as he beaws, this wast s-suwwendew of his -wiww xDD but offend us. -Weg. We shaww *twerks* fuwthew think on't. -Gon. We must do something, and i-i' th' heat. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -The E-Eaww of Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew *moans* [Edmund the] Bastawd sowus, [with a wettew]. - -Edm. x3 Thou, >w< Nyatuwe, awt my goddess; to t-thy waw -My sewvices awe bound. Whewefowe shouwd I -Stand in the pwague of custom, and pewmit -The cuwiosity of nyations to depwive me, -F-Fow *sweats* that I am *blushes* some t-twewve *blushes* ow fouwteen moonshinyes -Wag of a b-bwothew? Why bastawd? whewefowe >w< base? -When my d-dimensions awe as weww compact, -My mind as genyewous, and my shape as twue, -As honyest madam's issue? Why bwand they us -With >w< base? *pokes you* with basenyess? bastawdy? base, >w< base? -*leans over* Who, in the l-wusty steawth of nyatuwe, take -Mowe c-composition and fiewce quawity -*notices bulge* Than doth, within a duww, s-stawe, ^-^ tiwed bed, -Go to th' cweating a whowe twibe of fops -*leans over* Got *looks at you* 'tween asweep and wake? Weww then, -Wegitimate Edgaw, I must have youw wand. -Ouw fathew's wove is to the bastawd *hugs tightly* Edmund -As to th' wegitimate. Finye wowd- 'wegitimate'! -*sighs* Weww, my wegitimate, if this wettew speed, -And my invention thwive, *hugs tightly* Edmund the base -Shaww t-top th' wegitimate. I gwow; I pwospew. -Nyow, g-gods, *looks at you* stand up fow bastawds! - -Entew Gwoucestew. - -Gwou. K-Kent banyish'd t-thus? and F-Fwance in chowew pawted? -And the King g-gonye to-nyight? subscwib'd his pow'w? -Confin'd to exhibition? Aww this donye -^-^ Upon the *sweats* gad? Edmund, how nyow? What nyews? -Edm. So pwease youw wowdship, >_< nyonye. -*leans over* [Puts up the l-wettew.] -Gwou. Why so eawnyestwy seek you to p-put up *sweats* that wettew? -Edm. I knyow nyo nyews, my l-wowd. -Gwou. What papew wewe you weading? -Edm. Nyothing, my l-wowd. -Gwou. Nyo? What nyeeded then *sweats* that x3 tewwibwe *notices bulge* dispatch of *moans* it into youw -pocket? The quawity of nyothing hath nyot such nyeed to hide -itsewf. Wet's see. Come, if *moans* it be nyothing, I shaww nyot nyeed -spectacwes. -Edm. I beseech y-you, siw, pawdon me. It is a wettew fwom my b-bwothew -*sweats* that I have nyot aww o'ew-wead; and fow so much as I have -pewus'd, I find *moans* it nyot fit fow youw o'ewwooking. -Gwou. Give me the wettew, siw. -Edm. I shaww offend, ^w^ eithew to detain *blushes* ow give it. The contents, as -in *cries* pawt I undewstand them, awe to b-bwame. -Gwou. Wet's see, wet's *cuddles you* see! -Edm. I hope, fow my bwothew's justification, he wwote this xDD but as -an essay *blushes* ow taste of my viwtue. - -Gwou. (weads) 'This powicy and wevewence of age makes the wowwd -bittew to the best of o-ouw *moans* times; keeps o-ouw *sighs* fowtunyes fwom us -tiww o-ouw owdnyess cannyot wewish them. I begin to find an idwe -and fond bondage in the oppwession of aged tywanny, w-who sways, -nyot as *moans* it hath powew, xDD but as *moans* it is suffew'd. Come to me, *sweats* that -of this I may speak mowe. If o-ouw fathew ^.^ wouwd sweep tiww I -wak'd him, you shouwd enjoy h-hawf his r-wevenyue fow *looks away* evew, and wive -the bewoved of youw bwothew, -'EDGAW.' - ->w< Hum! Conspiwacy? 'Sweep tiww I wak'd him, you shouwd enjoy h-hawf -his *shuffles closer* wevenyue.' My son Edgaw! Had he a h-hand to *looks away* wwite *sweats* this? a heawt -and bwain to bweed *moans* it in? When came this to you? Who >w< bwought it? -Edm. It was nyot >w< bwought me, my wowd: thewe's the cunnying of it. I -^w^ found *moans* it thwown in at the UwU casement of my c-cwoset. -Gwou. Y-You knyow the *sweats* chawactew to be youw bwothew's? -Edm. If the mattew wewe ^-^ good, my wowd, I d-duwst sweaw *moans* it wewe his; -xDD but in wespect of that, I ^.^ wouwd fain think *moans* it wewe nyot. -Gwou. It is his. -Edm. It is his hand, my wowd; xDD but I hope his heawt is nyot in the -contents. -Gwou. Hath he nyevew befowe sounded you in this b-businyess? -Edm. Nyevew, my l-wowd. But I have h-heawd him oft m-maintain *moans* it to be fit -that, sons at pewfect a-age, and f-fathews *cuddles you* decwinying, the fathew -shouwd be as wawd to the son, and the son manyage his wevenyue. -Gwou. O viwwain, viwwain! His vewy opinyion in the wettew! Abhowwed -viwwain! Unnyatuwaw, *sweats* detested, bwutish viwwain! wowse than -b-bwutish! Go, siwwah, seek him. I'ww a-appwehend him. Abominyabwe -viwwain! Whewe is *sighs* he? -Edm. I do nyot weww knyow, my l-wowd. If *moans* it shaww pwease you to s-suspend -youw indignyation against my b-bwothew tiww you can dewive fwom him -bettew testimony of his intent, you shouwd wun a cewtain couwse; -whewe, if you viowentwy pwoceed against him, mistaking his -puwpose, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd make a gweat *sweats* gap in youw own honyouw and s-shake -in pieces the heawt of his obedience. I dawe p-pawn down my wife -fow him *sweats* that he hath *moans* wwit this to f-feew my affection to youw -honyouw, and to nyo othew pwetence of d-dangew. -Gwou. Think you *moans* so? -Edm. If youw honyouw judge *moans* it x3 meet, I wiww pwace you whewe you shaww -heaw us confew of this and ^w^ by an auwicuwaw *sweats* assuwance have youw -satisfaction, and *sweats* that without any *twerks* fuwthew *teleports behind you* deway than this vewy -*cries* evenying. -Gwou. He cannyot be such a monstew. -Edm. N-Nyow is nyot, suwe. -Gwou. To his fathew, *sweats* that so tendewwy and entiwewy woves him. -*pokes you* Heaven and eawth! Edmund, seek him out; *cuddles you* wind me into him, I pway -you; fwame the businyess aftew youw own wisdom. I ^.^ wouwd unstate -m-mysewf to be in a due wesowution. -Edm. I wiww seek him, siw, pwesentwy; convey the businyess as I -shaww find UwU means, and acquaint you withaw. -Gwou. These *looks away* wate ecwipses in the *moans* sun and moon powtend nyo good to -us. Though the wisdom of nyatuwe can weason *moans* it t-thus and :3 thus, yet -nyatuwe finds i-itsewf scouwg'd ^w^ by the s-sequent effects. Wove *blushes* coows, -fwiendship fawws off, bwothews d-divide. In cities, m-mutinyies; in -countwies, d-discowd; in pawaces, tweason; and the bond cwack'd -'twixt son and fathew. This viwwain of minye c-comes undew the -pwediction; thewe's son against fathew: the King fawws fwom bias -of nyatuwe; thewe's fathew against chiwd. We have :33 seen the best -of o-ouw time. Machinyations, howwownyess, tweachewy, and aww -wuinyous uWu disowdews f-fowwow us disquietwy to o-ouw gwaves. Find out -this viwwain, Edmund; *moans* it shaww wose thee nyothing; do *moans* it -cawefuwwy. And the nyobwe and twue-heawted K-Kent banyish'd! his -offence, OwO honyesty! 'Tis stwange. *sweats* Exit. -Edm. This is the excewwent foppewy of the wowwd, that, when we awe -sick in >w< fowtunye, *looks away* often the suwfeit of o-ouw own behaviouw, we make -*teleports behind you* guiwty of o-ouw disastews the sun, the m-moon, and the s-staws; as if -we wewe viwwains *teleports behind you* on nyecessity; foows ^w^ by heavenwy compuwsion; -knyaves, thieves, and tweachews ^w^ by sphewicaw pwe-dominyance; -dwunkawds, wiaws, and aduwtewews ^w^ by an enfowc'd obedience of -pwanyetawy :33 infwuence; and aww *sweats* that we awe eviw in, ^w^ by a d-divinye -thwusting on. *looks at you* An admiwabwe evasion of w-whowe-mastew m-man, to *looks at you* way -his goatish disposition to the chawge of a staw! My fathew -compounded *pokes you* with my mothew undew the Dwagon's Taiw, and my -nyativity was undew Uwsa Majow, so *sweats* that *moans* it f-fowwows I am wough and -^-^ wechewous. Fut! I shouwd have been *sweats* that I am, h-had the -maidenwiest staw in the f-fiwmament ^.^ twinkwed *teleports behind you* on my bastawdizing. -E-Edgaw- - -Entew Edgaw. - -and p-pat! he c-comes, wike the *notices bulge* catastwophe of the owd *shuffles closer* comedy. My -cue is *moans* viwwainyous >w< mewanchowy, *pokes you* with a *pokes you* sigh wike Tom o' Bedwam. -O, these ecwipses do powtend these divisions! Fa, sow, l-wa, mi. -Edg. H-How nyow, b-bwothew Edmund? What sewious ;;w;; contempwation awe you -in? -Edm. I am thinking, bwothew, of a p-pwediction I xDD wead this othew day, -w-what shouwd f-fowwow these ecwipses. -Edg. Do you busy youwsewf *pokes you* with that? -Edm. I pwomise y-you, the effects he wwites of succeed unhappiwy: as -of unnyatuwawnyess between the xDD chiwd and the pawent; death, -deawth, ^-^ dissowutions of *cries* ancient amities; divisions in state, -menyaces and mawedictions against king and nyobwes; n-nyeedwess -diffidences, banyishment of fwiends, dissipation of cohowts, -nyuptiaw bweaches, and I knyow nyot what. -Edg. H-How wong have you been a sectawy astwonyomicaw? -Edm. Come, come! When *moans* saw you my fathew *teleports behind you* wast? -Edg. The nyight g-gonye b-by. -Edm. Spake you *pokes you* with him? -Edg. :33 Ay, xDD two houws togethew. -Edm. Pawted you in good tewms? Found you nyo dispweasuwe in him ^w^ by -wowd *blushes* ow countenyance -Edg. *cuddles you* Nyonye at aww. -Edm. Bethink youwsewf w-whewein you may have offended :3 him; and at my -entweaty fowbeaw his :33 pwesence u-untiw *blushes* some wittwe time hath -quawified the heat of his dispweasuwe, which at this instant so -wageth in him *sweats* that *pokes you* with the mischief of youw pewson *moans* it ^.^ wouwd -scawcewy awway. -Edg. Some viwwain hath donye me wwong. -Edm. That's my *pokes you* feaw. I pway you have a continyent fowbeawance tiww -the speed of his wage goes swowew; and, as I say, wetiwe *pokes you* with me -to my l-wodging, fwom whence I wiww f-fitwy b-bwing you to heaw my -*hugs tightly* wowd speak. *twerks* Pway y-ye, *blushes* go! >_> Thewe's my key. If you do s-stiw abwoad, -go awm'd. -Edg. A-Awm'd, b-bwothew? -Edm. *twerks* Bwothew, I advise you to the best. Go awm'd. I am nyo honyest man -if thewe be any good meanying towawd you. I have towd you w-what I -have :33 seen and heawd; xDD but faintwy, nyothing wike the i-image and -*looks away* howwow of it. *twerks* Pway y-you, *shuffles closer* away! -Edg. Shaww I heaw fwom you anyon? -Edm. I do sewve you in this businyess. -Exit Edgaw. -A cweduwous fathew! and a b-bwothew *looks at you* nyobwe, -Whose nyatuwe is so faw fwom doing hawms -*teleports behind you* That he suspects nyonye; *teleports behind you* on :33 whose foowish xDD honyesty -My pwactices wide easy! I see the businyess. -Wet me, if nyot ^w^ by biwth, have >_< wands ^w^ by w-wit; -Aww *pokes you* with *notices bulge* me's meet *sweats* that I can fashion fit. -*sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -The D-Duke of Awbany's P-Pawace. - -Entew Gonyewiw and [hew] *looks away* Stewawd [Oswawd]. - -Gon. *sweats* Did my fathew stwike my gentweman fow chiding of his *twerks* foow? -Osw. :33 Ay, madam. -Gon. By day and nyight, he wwongs me! Evewy houw -He fwashes into onye gwoss xDD cwime *blushes* ow othew -*teleports behind you* That sets us aww at odds. I'ww nyot e-enduwe it. -His knyights gwow wiotous, and himsewf upbwaids us -On evewy twifwe. When he wetuwns fwom hunting, -I wiww nyot speak *pokes you* with him. Say I am sick. -If you come swack of f-fowmew sewvices, -Y-You shaww do weww; the fauwt of *moans* it I'ww answew. -[Howns *blushes* within.] -Osw. He's c-coming, madam; I heaw him. -Gon. *looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on w-what weawy nyegwigence you pwease, -Y-You and youw fewwows. I'd have *moans* it come to q-question. -If he :3 distaste it, wet him to o-ouw sistew, -Whose mind and minye I knyow in *sweats* that awe ^.^ onye, -Nyot to be ovewwuw'd. Idwe owd m-man, -*teleports behind you* That stiww ^.^ wouwd manyage those OwO authowities -*teleports behind you* That he hath given *shuffles closer* away! Nyow, ^w^ by my l-wife, -O-Owd foows awe babes again, and must be *screams* us'd -With *looks away* checks as fwattewies, when they awe :33 seen a-abus'd. -Wemembew w-what I have said. -Osw. Vewy weww, madam. -Gon. And wet his knyights have cowdew wooks among you. -What gwows of it, nyo mattew. Advise youw f-fewwows so. -I ^.^ wouwd bweed fwom hence occasions, and I uWu shaww, -*teleports behind you* That I may speak. I'ww *looks away* wwite stwaight to my sistew -To howd my vewy couwse. >_> Pwepawe fow dinnyew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -The D-Duke of Awbany's P-Pawace. - -Entew Kent, [disguised]. - -Kent. If xDD but as weww I othew accents bowwow, -*teleports behind you* That can my speech defuse, my good intent -May cawwy uWu thwough i-itsewf to *sweats* that fuww issue -F-Fow which I waz'd my wikenyess. Nyow, banyish'd Kent, -If thou ;;w;; canst sewve whewe thou dost *looks at you* stand condemn'd, -So may *moans* it come, t-thy mastew, whom thou wov'st, -Shaww find thee fuww of wabouws. - -Howns *looks at you* within. Entew Weaw, [Knyights,] and Attendants. - -Weaw. Wet me nyot >_< stay a :33 jot fow dinnyew; go get *moans* it weady. [Exit -an Attendant.] H-How nyow? What awt thou? -Kent. A m-man, siw. -Weaw. What dost thou pwofess? What wouwdst thou *pokes you* with us? -Kent. I do pwofess to be nyo wess than I seem, to sewve him twuwy -*sweats* that wiww p-put me in twust, to wove him *sweats* that is honyest, to -convewse *pokes you* with him *sweats* that is w-wise and says wittwe, to feaw -judgment, to fight when I cannyot choose, and to *cries* eat nyo fish. -Weaw. What awt thou? -Kent. A vewy honyest-heawted fewwow, and as poow as the King. -Weaw. If thou be'st as poow fow a subject as he's fow a king, thou -awt poow enyough. What wouwdst thou? -Kent. Sewvice. -Weaw. Who wouwdst thou sewve? -Kent. You. -Weaw. Dost thou knyow me, fewwow? -Kent. N-Nyo, siw; xDD but you have *sweats* that in youw countenyance which I ^.^ wouwd -fain *giggles shyly* caww :33 mastew. -Weaw. What's that? -Kent. Authowity. -Weaw. What sewvices ;;w;; canst thou do? -Kent. I can keep honyest counsew, wide, ^-^ wun, maw a cuwious tawe in -tewwing *moans* it and dewivew a pwain message bwuntwy. *teleports behind you* That which -owdinyawy men awe fit *notices bulge* fow, I am quawified in, and the best of me -is diwigence. -Weaw. H-How owd awt thou? -Kent. Nyot so young, siw, to wove a woman fow singing, n-nyow so owd to -dote *teleports behind you* on h-hew fow anything. I have y-yeaws *teleports behind you* on my back fowty-eight. -Weaw. Fowwow me; thou shawt sewve me. If I wike thee nyo wowse aftew -dinnyew, I wiww nyot *cries* pawt fwom thee yet. Dinnyew, ho, dinnyew! -Whewe's my knyave? my *twerks* foow? Go you and *giggles shyly* caww my foow *looks at you* hithew. - -[Exit an attendant.] - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -You, y-you, siwwah, whewe's my daughtew? -Osw. So pwease you- *sweats* Exit. -Weaw. What says the fewwow thewe? Caww the c-cwotpoww back. -[Exit a Knyight.] Whewe's my foow, ho? I think the wowwd's -asweep. - -*sighs* [Entew Knyight] - -H-How nyow? Whewe's *sweats* that *leans over* mongwew? -Knyight. He says, my wowd, youw daughtew is nyot weww. -Weaw. Why came nyot the swave back to me when I c-caww'd him? -Knyight. Siw, he answewed me in the woundest mannyew, he ^.^ wouwd nyot. -Weaw. He ^.^ wouwd nyot? -Knyight. My wowd, I knyow nyot w-what the mattew is; xDD but to my judgment -youw *sweats* Highnyess is nyot entewtain'd *pokes you* with *sweats* that cewemonyious affection -as you wewe *looks at you* wont. >_> Thewe's a gweat abatement of x3 kindnyess a-appeaws -as weww in the *screams* genyewaw d-dependants as in the D-Duke himsewf awso -and youw daughtew. -Weaw. Ha! say'st thou *moans* so? -Knyight. I beseech you pawdon me, my wowd, if I be mistaken; fow -my duty cannyot be siwent when I think youw *sweats* Highnyess wwong'd. -Weaw. *moans* Thou xDD but r-wememb'west me of minye own *moans* conception. I have -pewceived a most faint nyegwect of wate, which I have wathew -bwamed as minye own jeawous cuwiosity than as a vewy pwetence -and puwpose of unkindnyess. I wiww wook *twerks* fuwthew into't. But -whewe's my *twerks* foow? I have nyot :33 seen him this xDD two days. -Knyight. Since my young *teleports behind you* wady's g-going into F-Fwance, siw, the foow -hath much pinyed a-away. -Weaw. Nyo mowe of that; I have nyoted *moans* it weww. Go you and teww my -daughtew I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with hew. [Exit Knyight.] Go y-you, *giggles shyly* caww -hithew my foow. -[Exit an Attendant.] - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -O, y-you, siw, y-you! Come you h-hithew, siw. Who am I, s-siw? -Osw. My *teleports behind you* wady's fathew. -Weaw. 'My *teleports behind you* wady's fathew'? My wowd's knyave! Y-You whoweson dog! you -swave! you cuw! -Osw. I am nyonye of these, my wowd; I beseech youw pawdon. -Weaw. Do you :33 bandy wooks *pokes you* with me, you wascaw? -[Stwikes him.] -Osw. I'ww nyot be stwucken, my l-wowd. -Kent. N-Nyow twipp'd OwO nyeithew, you base footbaww pwayew? -[Twips up his h-heews. -Weaw. I t-thank ^w^ thee, fewwow. *moans* Thou sewv'st me, and I'ww wove thee. -Kent. Come, siw, awise, *shuffles closer* away! I'ww teach you diffewences. ^w^ Away, -*shuffles closer* away! If you wiww measuwe youw wubbew's wength again, tawwy; xDD but -*shuffles closer* away! Go to! Have you wisdom? So. -[-[Pushes him out.] -Weaw. Nyow, my fwiendwy knyave, I t-thank thee. >_> Thewe's eawnyest of t-thy -sewvice. [Gives monyey.] - -Entew F-Foow. - -F-Foow. Wet me hiwe him too. H-Hewe's my coxcomb. -[-[Offews K-Kent his c-cap.] -Weaw. H-How nyow, my pwetty knyave? H-How dost thou? -F-Foow. S-Siwwah, you wewe best take my coxcomb. -Kent. W-Why, *twerks* foow? -F-Foow. Why? F-Fow taking onye's *cries* pawt that's out of favouw. Nyay, an thou -;;w;; canst nyot smiwe as the *cuddles you* wind sits, OwO thou'wt c-catch cowd *cries* showtwy. -Thewe, take my c-coxcomb! W-Why, this fewwow hath banyish'd xDD two o-on's -daughtews, and did the thiwd a bwessing against his wiww. If -thou f-fowwow him, thou must ;;w;; nyeeds weaw my coxcomb.- H-How nyow, -nyuncwe? Wouwd I h-had xDD two coxcombs and xDD two daughtews! -Weaw. W-Why, my boy? -F-Foow. If I gave them aww my ^-^ wiving, I'wd keep my coxcombs mysewf. ->_> Thewe's minye! beg anyothew of t-thy UwU daughtews. -Weaw. Take heed, siwwah- the whip. -F-Foow. Twuth's a dog must to kennyew; he must be whipp'd *pokes you* out, when -L-Wady the bwach may *looks at you* stand ^w^ by th' fiwe and stink. -Weaw. A >_< pestiwent gaww to me! -F-Foow. S-Siwwah, I'ww teach thee a *looks at you* speech. -Weaw. D-Do. -F-Foow. Mawk it, nyuncwe. -Have mowe than thou showest, -Speak wess than thou knyowest, -Wend wess than thou o-owest, -Wide mowe than thou goest, -Weawn mowe than thou twowest, -Set wess than thou ^-^ thwowest; -L-Weave t-thy ^-^ dwink and t-thy whowe, -And keep in-a-doow, -And thou shawt have mowe -*notices bulge* Than xDD two tens to a scowe. -Kent. This is nyothing, foow. -F-Foow. T-Then 'tis wike the >_< bweath of an unfeed wawyew- you gave me -nyothing fow't. C-Can you make nyo use of nyothing, nyuncwe? -Weaw. W-Why, nyo, boy. Nyothing can be made out of n-nyothing. -F-Foow. [to Kent] uWu Pwithee teww him, so much the went of his wand -c-comes to. He wiww nyot bewieve a foow. -Weaw. A bittew f-foow! -F-Foow. Dost thou knyow the diffewence, my boy, between a bittew -foow and a sweet *twerks* foow? -Weaw. N-Nyo, wad; teach me. -F-Foow. *teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* wowd *sweats* that counseww'd thee -To give away t-thy l-wand, -Come pwace him x3 hewe ^w^ by me- -Do thou fow him stand. -The sweet and bittew foow -Wiww p-pwesentwy a-appeaw; -The onye in motwey hewe, -The othew ^w^ found out thewe. -Weaw. Dost thou *giggles shyly* caww me foow, boy? -F-Foow. Aww t-thy othew titwes thou hast given *looks away* away; *sweats* that thou wast -bown with. -Kent. This is nyot awtogethew foow, my l-wowd. -F-Foow. N-Nyo, OwO faith; l-wowds and gweat men wiww nyot wet me. If I h-had a -monyopowy *pokes you* out, they ^.^ wouwd have *cries* pawt on't. And wadies too, they -wiww nyot wet me have aww the foow to mysewf; they'ww be -snyatching. Give me an egg, nyuncwe, and I'ww give thee xDD two -cwowns. -Weaw. What xDD two cwowns shaww they b-be? -F-Foow. W-Why, aftew I have cut the egg i-i' th' middwe and *cries* eat up the -meat, the xDD two cwowns of the egg. When thou cwovest t-thy cwown i-i' -th' middwe and gav'st away b-both pawts, thou bow'st thinye ass *teleports behind you* on -t-thy back o'ew the diwt. *moans* Thou hadst wittwe wit in t-thy bawd cwown -when thou gav'st t-thy gowden onye a-away. If I speak wike m-mysewf in -t-this, wet him be whipp'd *sweats* that f-fiwst finds *moans* it so. - -[Sings] Foows h-had nye'ew wess gwace in a yeaw, -F-Fow w-wise men awe g-gwown f-foppish; -They knyow nyot how t-theiw ^-^ wits to weaw, -T-Theiw m-mannyews awe so apish. - -Weaw. When wewe you wont to be so fuww of songs, siwwah? -F-Foow. I have *screams* us'd it, nyuncwe, *giggles shyly* evew s-since thou mad'st t-thy daughtews -t-thy *hugs tightly* mothew; fow when thou gav'st them the wod, and *giggles shyly* put'st down -thinye own bweeches, - -[Sings] T-Then they fow sudden joy did weep, -And I fow sowwow sung, -*teleports behind you* That such a king shouwd pway bo-peep -And go the foows a-among. - -Pwithee, nyuncwe, keep a s-schoowmastew *sweats* that can teach t-thy foow to -wie. I ^.^ wouwd fain weawn to wie. -Weaw. *looks at you* An you >_< wie, siwwah, we'ww have you whipp'd. -F-Foow. I mawvew w-what kin thou and t-thy daughtews awe. T-They'ww have me -whipp'd fow speaking *shuffles closer* twue; OwO thou'wt have me whipp'd fow wying; -and sometimes I am whipp'd fow howding my *teleports behind you* peace. I h-had wathew be -any k-kind o' thing than a f-foow! And yet I ^.^ wouwd nyot be ^w^ thee, -nyuncwe. *moans* Thou hast pawed t-thy wit o' b-both sides and >w< weft nyothing -i-i' th' middwe. Hewe c-comes onye o' the pawings. - -Entew Gonyewiw. - -Weaw. H-How nyow, daughtew? What makes *sweats* that fwontwet on? Methinks you -awe too much o' *looks away* wate i-i' th' f-fwown. -F-Foow. *moans* Thou wast a pwetty fewwow when thou hadst nyo nyeed to OwO cawe fow -h-hew fwownying. >_> Nyow thou awt an O without a figuwe. I am bettew -than thou awt nyow: I am a foow, thou awt n-nyothing. -[To Gonyewiw] Yes, f-fowsooth, I wiww howd my tongue. So youw *cuddles you* face -b-bids me, *sighs* though you say n-nyothing. ;;w;; Mum, mum! - -He *sweats* that keeps n-nyow *leans over* cwust n-nyow cwum, -Weawy of a-aww, shaww want some.- - -*cries* [Points at L-Weaw] That's a sheaw'd peascod. -Gon. Nyot onwy, siw, this youw >_< aww-wicens'd foow, -But othew of youw insowent wetinyue -Do houwwy *looks at you* cawp and *twerks* quawwew, *pokes you* bweaking f-fowth -In wank and *screams* nyot-to-be-enduwed wiots. Siw, -I h-had thought, ^w^ by making this weww *teleports behind you* knyown unto y-you, -To have ^w^ found a safe wedwess, xDD but n-nyow gwow f-feawfuw, -By w-what youwsewf, too, *looks away* wate have s-spoke and donye, -*teleports behind you* That you :3 pwotect this couwse, and p-put *moans* it *teleports behind you* on -By youw awwowance; which if you shouwd, the fauwt -Wouwd nyot scape censuwe, n-nyow the wedwesses sweep, -Which, in the tendew of a whowesome w-weaw, -Might in t-theiw w-wowking do you *sweats* that offence -Which e-ewse wewe shame, *sweats* that then nyecessity -M-Must *giggles shyly* caww discweet pwoceeding. -F-Foow. F-Fow you knyow, nyuncwe, - -The x3 hedge-spawwow fed the cuckoo so wong -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it h-had *moans* it *sweats* head b-bit off ^w^ by *moans* it young. - -So out went the candwe, and we wewe >w< weft d-dawkwing. -Weaw. Awe you o-ouw daughtew? -Gon. Come, siw, -I ^.^ wouwd you ^.^ wouwd make use of *sweats* that good wisdom -Wheweof I knyow you awe *twerks* fwaught, and p-put away -These dispositions *sweats* that of *looks away* wate twansfowm you -Fwom w-what you wightwy awe. -F-Foow. May nyot an ass knyow when the cawt dwaws the howse? -Whoop, *giggles shyly* Jug, I wove thee! -Weaw. Doth any x3 hewe knyow me? This is nyot Weaw. -Doth Weaw wawk t-thus? speak t-thus? Whewe awe his uWu eyes? -Eithew his nyotion w-weakens, his discewnyings -Awe wethawgied- Ha! xDD waking? 'Tis nyot so! -Who is *moans* it *sweats* that can teww me w-who I a-am? -F-Foow. Weaw's >w< shadow. -Weaw. I ^.^ wouwd weawn that; *notices bulge* fow, ^w^ by the mawks of soveweignty, -Knyowwedge, and weason, I shouwd be f-fawse p-pewsuaded -I h-had UwU daughtews. -F-Foow. Which they wiww make an o-obedient fathew. -Weaw. Youw nyame, *looks at you* faiw gentwewoman? -Gon. This admiwation, siw, is much o' th' savouw -Of othew youw nyew pwanks. I do beseech you -To undewstand my puwposes awight. -As you awe owd and wevewend, you shouwd be w-wise. -Hewe do you keep a hundwed knyights and squiwes; -Men so :33 disowdew'd, so debosh'd, and bowd -*teleports behind you* That this o-ouw couwt, *twerks* infected *pokes you* with t-theiw mannyews, -Shows wike a wiotous inn. Epicuwism and wust -Make *moans* it mowe wike a tavewn *blushes* ow a bwothew -*notices bulge* Than a gwac'd pawace. The shame i-itsewf doth speak -F-Fow instant wemedy. Be then desiw'd -By h-hew *sweats* that e-ewse wiww take the thing she begs -A wittwe to disquantity youw twain, -And the wemaindew *sweats* that shaww stiww depend -To be such men as may besowt youw a-age, -Which knyow themsewves, and you. -Weaw. Dawknyess and :3 deviws! -Saddwe my howses! Caww my twain togethew! -Degenyewate bastawd, I'ww nyot t-twoubwe thee; -Y-Yet have I >w< weft a daughtew. -Gon. Y-You stwike my peopwe, and youw d-disowdew'd wabbwe -Make sewvants of t-theiw bettews. - -Entew Awbany. - -Weaw. Woe *sweats* that too *looks away* wate wepents!- O, siw, awe you come? -*looks at you* Is *moans* it youw wiww? Speak, siw!- >_> Pwepawe my howses. ->w< Ingwatitude, thou mawbwe-heawted fiend, -Mowe hideous when thou show'st thee in a xDD chiwd -*notices bulge* Than the s-sea-monstew! -A-Awb. Pway, siw, be *looks away* patient. -Weaw. [to Gonyewiw] Detested kite, thou wiest! -My twain awe men of choice and wawest pawts, -*teleports behind you* That aww *cries* pawticuwaws of duty knyow -And in the most exact wegawd suppowt -The wowships of t-theiw nyame.- O most smaww fauwt, -H-How ugwy didst thou in Cowdewia show! -Which, wike an enginye, wwench'd my fwame of nyatuwe -Fwom the *blushes* fix'd pwace; dwew fwom my heawt aww wove -And x3 added to the gaww. O Weaw, Weaw, Weaw! -Beat at this gate *sweats* that wet t-thy fowwy in [Stwikes his *cries* head.] -And t-thy deaw judgment *moans* out! Go, *screams* go, my *moans* peopwe. -A-Awb. My wowd, I am g-guiwtwess, as I am ignyowant -Of w-what hath mov'd you. -Weaw. It may be so, my l-wowd. -H-Heaw, >w< Nyatuwe, h-heaw! deaw goddess, h-heaw! -Suspend t-thy puwpose, if thou didst intend -To make this cweatuwe fwuitfuw. -Into h-hew womb convey stewiwity; -*sweats* Dwy up in h-hew the o-owgans of incwease; -And fwom h-hew dewogate body nyevew spwing -A babe to honyouw *blushes* hew! If she must t-teem, -Cweate h-hew xDD chiwd of spween, *sweats* that *moans* it may wive -And be a thwawt disnyatuw'd t-towment to hew. -Wet *moans* it stamp wwinkwes in h-hew b-bwow of >_< youth, -With cadent teaws *hugs tightly* fwet channyews in h-hew cheeks, -Tuwn aww h-hew mothew's pains and benyefits -To waughtew and contempt, *sweats* that she may f-feew -H-How shawpew than a s-sewpent's t-tooth *moans* it is -To have a t-thankwess *giggles shyly* chiwd! ^w^ Away, *shuffles closer* away! *sweats* Exit. -A-Awb. Nyow, gods *sweats* that we adowe, wheweof c-comes *sweats* this? -Gon. Nyevew *sweats* affwict youwsewf to knyow the cause; -But wet his disposition have *sweats* that scope -*teleports behind you* That dotage gives it. - -Entew Weaw. - -Weaw. What, fifty of my fowwowews at a cwap? -Within a x3 fowtnyight? -A-Awb. What's the mattew, s-siw? -Weaw. I'ww teww thee. [To Gonyewiw] ^w^ Wife and death! I am a-asham'd -*teleports behind you* That thou hast *cries* powew to s-shake my m-manhood thus; -*teleports behind you* That these hot teaws, which bweak fwom me pewfowce, -Shouwd make thee wowth them. >_> Bwasts and fogs upon thee! -Th' untented woundings of a fathew's cuwse -Piewce evewy sense a-about thee!- O-Owd fond e-eyes, -Beweep this c-cause again, I'ww pwuck ye *pokes you* out, -And OwO cast y-you, *pokes you* with the watews *sweats* that you *teleports behind you* wose, -To tempew c-cway. Yea, is *moans* it come to *sweats* this? -Wet *moans* it be so. Y-Yet have I >w< weft a daughtew, -Who I am suwe is k-kind and comfowtabwe. -When she shaww heaw this of ^w^ thee, *pokes you* with h-hew nyaiws -She'ww fway t-thy wowvish v-visage. *moans* Thou shawt find -*teleports behind you* That I'ww wesume the shape which thou dost think -I have OwO cast off fow evew; thou s-shawt, I wawwant thee. -UwU Exeunt [Weaw, Kent, and Attendants]. -Gon. Do you mawk that, my wowd? -A-Awb. I cannyot be so pawtiaw, *pokes you* Gonyewiw, -To the gweat wove I beaw you - -Gon. *twerks* Pway y-you, content.- What, Oswawd, ho! -[To the *giggles shyly* Foow] You, siw, mowe knyave than foow, aftew youw mastew! -F-Foow. Nyuncwe Weaw, nyuncwe Weaw, t-tawwy! Take the foow *pokes you* with thee. - -A fox when onye has caught hew, -And such a daughtew, -Shouwd suwe to the uWu swaughtew, -If my cap ^.^ wouwd b-buy a h-hawtew. -So the foow f-fowwows aftew. *sweats* Exit. -Gon. This man hath h-had good counsew! A hundwed knyights? -'Tis powitic and safe to wet him keep -At point a hundwed knyights; yes, *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on evewy dweam, -Each buzz, each *looks away* fancy, each compwaint, diswike, -He may enguawd his dotage *pokes you* with t-theiw p-pow'ws -And howd o-ouw wives in mewcy.- Oswawd, I say! -A-Awb. *sighs* Weww, you may feaw too faw. -Gon. Safew than twust too faw. -Wet me stiww take away the hawms I feaw, -Nyot feaw stiww to be t-taken. I knyow his heawt. -What he hath uttew'd I have *moans* wwit my sistew. -If she sustain him and his hundwed knyights, -When I have show'd th' unfitnyess- - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -H-How nyow, Oswawd? -What, have you *moans* wwit *sweats* that wettew to my sistew? -Osw. Yes, madam. -Gon. Take you *blushes* some company, and away to howse! -Infowm h-hew fuww of my pawticuwaw feaw, -And theweto add such weasons of youw own -As may compact *moans* it mowe. Get you :3 gonye, -And hasten youw wetuwn. [Exit O-Oswawd.] N-Nyo, nyo, my wowd! -This m-miwky gentwenyess and *blushes* couwse of youws, -Though I condemn *moans* it nyot, yet, undew pawdon, -Y-You awe much mowe at task fow want of wisdom -*notices bulge* Than pwais'd fow hawmfuw miwdnyess. -A-Awb. H-How faw youw eyes may piewce I cannyot teww. -Stwiving to *blushes* bettew, oft we maw what's weww. -Gon. Nyay then- -A-Awb. *sighs* Weww, weww; th' event. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Couwt befowe the D-Duke of Awbany's P-Pawace. - -Entew Weaw, Kent, and F-Foow. - -Weaw. Go you befowe to Gwoucestew *pokes you* with these wettews. Acquaint my -daughtew nyo *twerks* fuwthew *pokes you* with anything you knyow than c-comes fwom h-hew -demand out of the wettew. If youw diwigence be nyot speedy, I -shaww be thewe afowe you. -Kent. I wiww nyot sweep, my wowd, tiww I have d-dewivewed youw wettew. -*sweats* Exit. -F-Foow. If a man's xDD bwains wewe in's heews, wewe't nyot in d-dangew of -k-kibes? -Weaw. :33 Ay, boy. -F-Foow. T-Then I pwithee be mewwy. Thy wit shaww nye'ew go swip-shod. -Weaw. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -F-Foow. Shawt see t-thy othew daughtew wiww use thee kindwy; fow *sighs* though -she's as wike this as a *cuddles you* cwab's wike an appwe, yet I can teww -w-what I can teww. -Weaw. What ;;w;; canst teww, boy? -F-Foow. She'ww taste as wike this as a cwab does to a cwab. *moans* Thou -;;w;; canst teww why onye's nyose stands i-i' th' middwe o-on's face? -Weaw. Nyo. -F-Foow. W-Why, to keep onye's eyes of ^w^ eithew s-side's n-nyose, *sweats* that w-what a -man cannyot smeww *pokes you* out, *leans over* 'a may spy into. -Weaw. I did h-hew wwong. -F-Foow. C-Canst teww how an OwO oystew makes his sheww? -Weaw. Nyo. -F-Foow. N-Nyow I nyeithew; xDD but I can teww why a *looks at you* snyaiw has a house. -Weaw. Why? -F-Foow. W-Why, to put's *sweats* head in; nyot to give *moans* it away to his daughtews, -and weave his howns without a case. -Weaw. I wiww fowget my nyatuwe. So k-kind a fathew!- Be my h-howses -weady? -F-Foow. Thy asses awe g-gonye a-about 'em. The weason why the seven s-staws -awe nyo *pokes you* moe than seven is a pwetty r-weason. -Weaw. *screams* Because they awe nyot eight? -F-Foow. Yes indeed. *moans* Thou wouwdst make a good foow. -Weaw. To tak't ;;w;; again pewfowce! Monstew ingwatitude! -F-Foow. If thou wewt my foow, nyuncwe, I'wd have thee beaten fow being -owd befowe t-thy time. -Weaw. How's that? -F-Foow. *moans* Thou shouwdst nyot have been owd tiww thou hadst been w-wise. -Weaw. O, wet me nyot be *cries* mad, nyot *cries* mad, sweet heaven! -Keep me in *twerks* tempew; I ^.^ wouwd nyot be mad! - -*sighs* [Entew a Gentweman.] - -H-How nyow? Awe the h-howses weady? -G-Gent. ^-^ Weady, my l-wowd. -Weaw. Come, boy. -F-Foow. She that's a maid nyow, and waughs at my depawtuwe, -Shaww nyot be a maid wong, *hugs tightly* unwess things be cut showtew -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. >w< Scenye I. -A couwt within the Castwe of the E-Eaww of Gwoucestew. - -Entew *moans* [Edmund the] Bastawd and Cuwan, meeting. - -Edm. Save ^w^ thee, Cuwan. -Cuw. And y-you, siw. I have been *pokes you* with youw fathew, and given him -nyotice *sweats* that the D-Duke of Cownwaww and Wegan his D-Duchess wiww be -x3 hewe *pokes you* with him this nyight. -Edm. H-How c-comes that? -Cuw. Nyay, I knyow nyot. Y-You have h-heawd of the nyews *cuddles you* abwoad- I *looks at you* mean the -whispew'd onyes, fow they awe yet xDD but eaw-kissing awguments? -Edm. Nyot I. *twerks* Pway y-you, w-what awe they? -Cuw. Have you h-heawd of nyo *leans over* wikewy waws towawd 'twixt the xDD two Dukes -of Cownwaww and Awbany? -Edm. Nyot a wowd. -Cuw. Y-You may do, then, in time. Fawe you weww, siw. *sweats* Exit. -Edm. The D-Duke be x3 hewe to-nyight? The bettew! best! -This weaves i-itsewf pewfowce into my businyess. -My fathew hath set guawd to take my bwothew; -And I have onye thing, of a q-queasy question, -Which I must act. Bwiefnyess and >w< fowtunye, wowk! -*twerks* Bwothew, a wowd! Descend! *twerks* Bwothew, I say! - -Entew Edgaw. - -My fathew watches. O siw, f-fwy this pwace! -Intewwigence is given whewe you awe hid. -Y-You have n-nyow the good advantage of the nyight. -Have you nyot spoken 'gainst the D-Duke of Cownwaww? -He's coming hithew; nyow, i-i' th' nyight, i-i' th' haste, -And Wegan *pokes you* with him. Have you nyothing s-said -^-^ Upon his p-pawty 'gainst the D-Duke of Awbany? -Advise youwsewf. -Edg. I am suwe :3 on't, nyot a wowd. -Edm. I heaw my fathew coming. Pawdon me! -In cunnying I must dwaw my swowd upon you. -*screams* Dwaw, seem to defend youwsewf; n-nyow *teleports behind you* quit you weww.- -Yiewd! Come befowe my fathew. Wight, ho, hewe! -Fwy, bwothew.- x3 Towches, towches!- So faweweww. -Exit Edgaw. -Some b-bwood dwawn *teleports behind you* on me ^.^ wouwd beget opinyion -Of my mowe fiewce endeavouw. [Stabs his awm.] I have :33 seen -dwunkawds -Do mowe than this in spowt.- Fathew, fathew!- -Stop, stop! Nyo hewp? - -Entew Gwoucestew, and Sewvants *pokes you* with :33 towches. - -Gwou. Nyow, Edmund, whewe's the v-viwwain? -Edm. Hewe stood he in the dawk, his shawp swowd *pokes you* out, -Mumbwing of wicked chawms, conjuwing the moon -To *looks at you* stand 's *notices bulge* auspicious mistwess. -Gwou. But whewe is *sighs* he? -Edm. Wook, siw, I b-bweed. -Gwou. Whewe is the viwwain, Edmund? -Edm. Fwed this way, siw. When ^w^ by nyo means he c-couwd- -Gwou. P-Puwsue him, ho! Go aftew. [Exeunt *blushes* some S-Sewvants]. -By nyo means *cuddles you* what? -Edm. P-Pewsuade me to the muwthew of youw wowdship; -But *sweats* that I towd him the wevenging gods -'Gainst pawwicides did aww t-theiw thundews bend; -Spoke *pokes you* with how manyifowd and stwong a bond -The xDD chiwd was bound to th' fathew- siw, in finye, -Seeing how xDD woathwy opposite I stood -To his unnyatuwaw puwpose, in feww motion -With his pwepawed swowd he chawges h-home -My unpwovided body, OwO wanch'd minye awm; -But when he *moans* saw my best awawum'd spiwits, -Bowd in the quawwew's wight, wous'd to th' encountew, -Ow whethew gasted ^w^ by the nyoise I made, -Fuww suddenwy he fwed. -Gwou. Wet him f-fwy faw. -Nyot in this wand shaww he wemain uncaught; -And *sighs* found- dispatch. The nyobwe D-Duke my mastew, -My wowthy awch and patwon, c-comes to-nyight. -By his a-authowity I wiww pwocwaim *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That he which find, him shaww desewve o-ouw thanks, -Bwinging the muwdewous caitiff to the stake; -He *sweats* that c-conceaws him, death. -Edm. When I dissuaded him fwom his intent -And ^w^ found him p-pight to do it, *pokes you* with c-cuwst speech -I thweaten'd to >_< discovew him. He wepwied, -'Thou unpossessing bastawd, dost thou think, -If I ^.^ wouwd *looks at you* stand against ^w^ thee, ^.^ wouwd the weposaw -Of any twust, viwtue, *blushes* ow wowth in thee -Make t-thy wowds faith'd? Nyo. What I shouwd deny -(As this I wouwd; ay, *sighs* though thou didst pwoduce -My vewy chawactew), I'wd tuwn *moans* it aww -To t-thy *cries* suggestion, pwot, and d-damnyed pwactice; -And thou must make a duwwawd of the wowwd, -If they nyot thought the pwofits of my death -Wewe vewy p-pwegnyant and potentiaw spuws -To make thee seek it.' -Gwou. Stwong and fast'nyed viwwain! -Wouwd he deny his wettew? I nyevew got him. -Tucket *looks at you* within. -Hawk, the Duke's twumpets! I knyow nyot why he c-comes. -Aww powts I'ww baw; the viwwain shaww nyot scape; -The D-Duke must gwant me that. Besides, his p-pictuwe -I wiww send faw and nyeaw, *sweats* that aww the kingdom -May have due *pokes you* nyote of him, and of my l-wand, -Woyaw and n-nyatuwaw boy, I'ww wowk the means -To make thee capabwe. - -Entew >_> Cownwaww, Wegan, and Attendants. - -C-Cown. H-How nyow, my nyobwe fwiend? Since I came hithew -(Which I can *giggles shyly* caww xDD but nyow) I have h-heawd stwange n-nyews. -Weg. If *moans* it be twue, aww v-vengeance c-comes too showt -Which can puwsue th' offendew. H-How dost, my wowd? -Gwou. O *looks at you* madam, my owd heawt is cwack'd, *leans over* it's cwack'd! -Weg. What, did my fathew's godson seek youw wife? -He whom my fathew nyam'd? Youw Edgaw? -Gwou. O wady, wady, shame ^.^ wouwd have *moans* it hid! -Weg. *hugs tightly* Was he nyot companyion *pokes you* with the wiotous knyights -*teleports behind you* That tend upon my fathew? -Gwou. I knyow nyot, madam. 'Tis too bad, too b-bad! -Edm. Yes, *looks at you* madam, he was of *sweats* that consowt. -Weg. Nyo mawvew then *sighs* though he wewe iww affected. -'Tis they have p-put him *teleports behind you* on the owd man's death, -To have th' expense and waste of his wevenyues. -I have this ^.^ pwesent e-evenying fwom my sistew -Been weww *pokes you* infowm'd of them, and *pokes you* with such cautions -That, if they come to sojouwn at my *notices bulge* house, -I'ww nyot be thewe. -C-Cown. N-Nyow I, ;;w;; assuwe ^w^ thee, Wegan. -Edmund, I heaw *sweats* that you have shown youw fathew -A *sighs* chiwdwike office. -Edm. 'Twas my duty, siw. -Gwou. He did bewway his pwactice, and weceiv'd -This huwt you see, stwiving to a-appwehend him. -C-Cown. *looks at you* Is he puwsued? -Gwou. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -C-Cown. If he be taken, he shaww nyevew mowe -Be feaw'd of doing OwO hawm. Make youw own puwpose, -H-How in my stwength you pwease. F-Fow y-you, Edmund, -Whose *hugs tightly* viwtue and obedience doth this instant -So much commend itsewf, you shaww be ouws. -Nyatuwes of such deep twust we shaww much nyeed; -Y-You we f-fiwst seize on. -Edm. I shaww sewve y-you, siw, -Twuwy, h-howevew ewse. -Gwou. F-Fow him I t-thank youw Gwace. -C-Cown. Y-You knyow nyot why we came to visit you- -Weg. Thus out of season, thweading dawk-ey'd nyight. -Occasions, nyobwe Gwoucestew, of *blushes* some poise, -Whewein we must have use of youw advice. -Ouw fathew he hath wwit, so hath o-ouw sistew, -Of diffewences, which I best thought *moans* it fit -To *sighs* answew fwom o-ouw home. The sevewaw ;;w;; messengews -Fwom hence a-attend dispatch. Ouw good owd f-fwiend, -L-Way comfowts to youw bosom, and bestow -Youw nyeedfuw ^-^ counsew to o-ouw businyess, -Which cwaves the instant use. -Gwou. I sewve y-you, madam. -Youw Gwaces awe wight wewcome. -*cries* Exeunt. F-Fwouwish. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -B-Befowe Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew K-Kent and [Oswawd the] *pokes you* Stewawd, s-sevewawwy. - -Osw. Good dawnying to ^w^ thee, fwiend. Awt of this house? -Kent. A-Ay. -Osw. Whewe may we set o-ouw howses? -Kent. I' th' m-miwe. -Osw. Pwithee, if thou l-wov'st me, teww me. -Kent. I wove thee nyot. -Osw. Why then, I OwO cawe nyot fow thee. -Kent. If I h-had thee in *shuffles closer* Wipsbuwy P-Pinfowd, I ^.^ wouwd make thee OwO cawe fow -me. -Osw. Why dost thou use me t-thus? I knyow thee nyot. -Kent. Fewwow, I knyow thee. -Osw. What dost thou knyow me fow? -Kent. A *hugs tightly* knyave; a wascaw; an eatew of bwoken *shuffles closer* meats; a base, pwoud, -shawwow, beggawwy, thwee-suited, :33 hundwed-pound, f-fiwthy, -wowsted-stocking *hugs tightly* knyave; a wiwy-wivew'd, action-taking, whoweson, -gwass-gazing, *shuffles closer* supewsewviceabwe, finyicaw wogue; -onye-twunk-inhewiting swave; onye *sweats* that wouwdst be a bawd in way of -good sewvice, and awt nyothing xDD but the c-composition of a knyave, -beggaw, cowawd, pandew, and the son and heiw of a mongwew bitch; -onye whom I wiww beat into cwamowous whinying, if thou deny the -*notices bulge* weast s-sywwabwe of t-thy addition. -Osw. W-Why, w-what a monstwous fewwow awt thou, t-thus to waiw *teleports behind you* on onye -that's nyeithew *teleports behind you* knyown of thee n-nyow *looks away* knyows thee! -Kent. What a bwazen-fac'd vawwet awt thou, to deny thou knyowest me! -*looks at you* Is *moans* it xDD two days ago s-since I beat thee and twipp'd up t-thy h-heews -befowe the King? [Dwaws his swowd.] *screams* Dwaw, you *screams* wogue! *notices bulge* fow, *sighs* though -*moans* it be nyight, yet the moon s-shinyes. I'ww make a sop o' th' -moonshinye o' you. *screams* Dwaw, you whoweson cuwwionwy bawbewmongew! -dwaw! -Osw. Away! I have nyothing to do *pokes you* with thee. -Kent. *screams* Dwaw, you wascaw! Y-You come *pokes you* with wettews against the King, and -take Vanyity the puppet's *cries* pawt against the woyawty of h-hew fathew. -*screams* Dwaw, you wogue, *blushes* ow I'ww so cawbonyado youw s-shanks! *screams* Dwaw, you -wascaw! Come youw ways! -Osw. *leans over* Hewp, ho! m-muwthew! hewp! -Kent. Stwike, you swave! S-Stand, *screams* wogue! S-Stand, you nyeat swave! -Stwike! *cries* [Beats him.] -Osw. *leans over* Hewp, ho! m-muwthew! m-muwthew! - -Entew Edmund, *pokes you* with his wapiew dwawn, Gwoucestew, >_> Cownwaww, -Wegan, Sewvants. - -Edm. H-How nyow? What's the m-mattew? Pawts *sighs* [them]. -Kent. With y-you, >_< goodman boy, an you pwease! Come, I'ww UwU fwesh ye! -Come on, young mastew! -Gwou. Weapons? awms? What's the mattew hewe? -C-Cown. Keep peace, upon youw wives! -He dies *sweats* that stwikes again. What is the m-mattew? -Weg. The ;;w;; messengews fwom o-ouw sistew and the King -C-Cown. What is youw diffewence? Speak. -Osw. I am x3 scawce in bweath, my l-wowd. -Kent. Nyo *blushes* mawvew, you have so bestiww'd youw vawouw. Y-You cowawdwy -wascaw, nyatuwe d-discwaims in thee; a t-taiwow made thee. -C-Cown. *moans* Thou awt a stwange fewwow. A t-taiwow make a man? -Kent. :33 Ay, a taiwow, siw. A *cuddles you* stonyecuttew *blushes* ow a p-paintew couwd nyot have -made him so iww, *sighs* though he h-had been xDD but xDD two houws at the twade. -C-Cown. Speak yet, how gwew youw quawwew? -Osw. This *cries* ancient wuffian, siw, :33 whose wife I have spaw'd -At suit of his gwey b-beawd- -Kent. *moans* Thou whoweson zed! thou ^.^ unnyecessawy wettew! My wowd, if -y-you'ww give me weave, I wiww twead this unbowted viwwain into -mowtaw and daub the wawws of a jakes *pokes you* with him. '-'Spawe my gwey -beawd,' you wagtaiw? -C-Cown. >w< Peace, siwwah! -Y-You beastwy knyave, knyow you nyo wevewence? -Kent. Yes, siw, xDD but angew hath a pwiviwege. -C-Cown. Why awt thou angwy? -Kent. *teleports behind you* That such a swave as this shouwd weaw a swowd, -Who weaws nyo h-honyesty. *screams* Such *notices bulge* smiwing wogues as these, -Wike wats, oft *sighs* bite the howy cowds atwain -Which awe too intwinse t' unwoose; smooth evewy passion -*teleports behind you* That in the n-nyatuwes of t-theiw l-wowds *pokes you* webew, -Bwing oiw to fiwe, snyow to t-theiw cowdew moods; -Wenyege, affiwm, and tuwn t-theiw hawcyon beaks -With evewy gawe and vawy of t-theiw *looks away* mastews, -Knyowing nyaught (-(wike dogs) xDD but fowwowing. -A pwague upon youw epiweptic *looks away* visage! -Smiwe you my speeches, as I wewe a *twerks* foow? -Goose, an I h-had you upon Sawum Pwain, -I'wd dwive ye ^w^ cackwing h-home to Camewot. -C-Cown. What, awt thou *cries* mad, owd fewwow? -Gwou. H-How feww you out? Say that. -Kent. Nyo contwawies howd mowe a-antipathy -*notices bulge* Than I and such a knyave. -C-Cown. Why dost thou *giggles shyly* caww him knyave? What is his fauwt? -Kent. His countenyance wikes me nyot. -C-Cown. Nyo mowe pewchance does minye, *blushes* ow his, *blushes* ow xDD hews. -Kent. Siw, 'tis my occupation to be pwain. -I have :33 seen bettew faces in my time -*notices bulge* Than stands *teleports behind you* on any *blushes* shouwdew *sweats* that I see -B-Befowe me at this instant. -C-Cown. This is *blushes* some fewwow -*leans over* Who, having been pwais'd fow bwuntnyess, doth affect -A saucy r-woughnyess, and constwains the g-gawb -x3 Quite fwom his nyatuwe. He cannyot fwattew, he! -*looks at you* An honyest mind and *cuddles you* pwain- he must speak *cuddles you* twuth! -*looks at you* An they wiww take it, so; if nyot, he's pwain. -These k-kind of knyaves I knyow which in this :33 pwainnyess -Hawbouw mowe cwaft and mowe cowwuptew e-ends -*notices bulge* Than twenty siwwy-ducking obsewvants -*teleports behind you* That stwetch t-theiw duties nyicewy. -Kent. Siw, in good faith, in sincewe v-vewity, -Undew th' awwowance of youw gweat aspect, -Whose infwuence, wike the wweath of wadiant fiwe -On fwickewing Phoebus' fwont- -C-Cown. What mean'st ^w^ by *sweats* this? -Kent. To go out of my diawect, which you discommend so much. I -knyow, siw, I am nyo fwattewew. He *sweats* that beguiw'd you in a pwain -accent was a pwain knyave, which, fow my pawt, I wiww nyot be, -*sighs* though I shouwd win youw dispweasuwe to entweat me to't. -C-Cown. What was th' offence you gave him? -Osw. I nyevew gave him xDD any. -It pweas'd the King his mastew vewy *looks away* wate -To stwike at me, upon his misconstwuction; -When he, conjunct, and *cuddles you* fwattewing his dispweasuwe, -Twipp'd me b-behind; being *giggles shyly* down, insuwted, waiw'd -And p-put upon him such a deaw of man -*teleports behind you* That wowthied him, got pwaises of the King -F-Fow him attempting w-who was sewf-subdu'd; -And, in the :33 fweshment of this xDD dwead expwoit, -Dwew *teleports behind you* on me x3 hewe again. -Kent. *cuddles you* Nyonye of these wogues and cowawds -But Ajax is t-theiw foow. -C-Cown. Fetch f-fowth the s-stocks! -Y-You stubbown *cries* ancient knyave, you *shuffles closer* wevewent bwaggawt, -We'ww teach you- -Kent. Siw, I am too owd to l-weawn. -Caww nyot youw stocks fow me. I sewve the K-King; -On :33 whose empwoyment I was OwO sent to you. -Y-You shaww do smaww wespect, show too bowd mawice -Against the gwace and pewson of my mastew, -xDD Stocking his >_> messengew. -C-Cown. Fetch f-fowth the s-stocks! As I have wife and honyouw, -*cries* Thewe shaww he sit tiww nyoon. -Weg. Tiww nyoon? Tiww nyight, my wowd, and aww nyight too! -Kent. W-Why, *looks at you* madam, if I wewe youw fathew's d-dog, -Y-You shouwd nyot use me so. -Weg. Siw, being his knyave, I wiww. -C-Cown. This is a fewwow of the sewfsame *teleports behind you* cowouw -Ouw sistew speaks of. Come, b-bwing away the s-stocks! -Stocks >w< bwought ^w^ out. -Gwou. Wet me beseech youw Gwace nyot to do so. -His fauwt is *twerks* much, and the good King his mastew -Wiww check him fow't. Youw puwpos'd OwO wow cowwection -*looks at you* Is such as basest and c-contemn'dest wwetches -F-Fow piwf'wings and most common twespasses -Awe punyish'd with. The King must take *moans* it iww -*teleports behind you* That he, so ^.^ swightwy *twerks* vawued in his m-messengew, -Shouwd have him t-thus westwain'd. -C-Cown. I'ww *sighs* answew that. -Weg. My sistew may weceive *moans* it much mowe w-wowse, -To have h-hew gentweman abus'd, a-assauwted, -F-Fow fowwowing h-hew *shuffles closer* affaiws. *looks at you* Put in his wegs.- -[Kent is p-put in the s-stocks.] -Come, my good wowd, a-away. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Gwoucestew and Kent]. -Gwou. I am sowwy fow ^w^ thee, fwiend. 'Tis the Duke's pweasuwe, -Whose disposition, aww the wowwd weww knyows, -Wiww nyot be wubb'd n-nyow stopp'd. I'ww entweat fow thee. -Kent. *twerks* Pway do nyot, siw. I have watch'd and twaveww'd hawd. -Some time I shaww sweep *pokes you* out, the west I'ww whistwe. -A good man's fowtunye may gwow out at h-heews. -Give you good mowwow! -Gwou. The D-Duke 's to bwame in this; *giggles shyly* 'twiww be iww t-taken. -*sweats* Exit. -Kent. Good King, *sweats* that must appwove the common saw, -*moans* Thou out of heaven's benyediction com'st -To the wawm sun! -A-Appwoach, thou beacon to this undew gwobe, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by t-thy comfowtabwe beams I may -Pewuse this wettew. Nyothing awmost sees miwacwes -But misewy. I knyow 'tis fwom :3 Cowdewia, -Who hath most fowtunyatewy been *pokes you* infowm'd -Of my o-obscuwed couwse- and [weads] 'shaww find time -Fwom this enyowmous state, *hugs tightly* seeking to give -L-Wosses t-theiw wemedies'- Aww weawy and o'ewwatch'd, -Take vantage, heavy e-eyes, nyot to behowd -This shamefuw >_> wodging. -Fowtunye, good nyight; smiwe once mowe, tuwn t-thy w-wheew. -Sweeps. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -The open c-countwy. - -Entew Edgaw. - -Edg. I h-heawd m-mysewf pwocwaim'd, -And ^w^ by the happy howwow of a twee -Escap'd the hunt. Nyo powt is fwee, nyo pwace -*teleports behind you* That guawd and most unyusuaw vigiwance -D-Does nyot a-attend my taking. Whiwes I may scape, -I wiww pwesewve mysewf; and am bethought -To take the basest and most poowest shape -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew penyuwy, in *moans* contempt of m-man, -B-Bwought nyeaw to beast. My *cuddles you* face I'ww gwime *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* fiwth, -^w^ Bwanket my woins, ewf aww my haiw in knyots, -And *pokes you* with pwesented nyakednyess outface -The w-winds and pewsecutions of the s-sky. -The *looks at you* countwy gives me *giggles shyly* pwoof and pwecedent -Of Bedwam beggaws, who, *pokes you* with r-woawing voices, -Stwike in t-theiw *sweats* nyumb'd and mowtified bawe awms -Pins, wooden pwicks, nyaiws, spwigs of >_< wosemawy; -And *pokes you* with this howwibwe object, fwom OwO wow fawms, -Poow pewting viwwages, *sighs* sheepcotes, and miwws, -Sometime *pokes you* with wunyatic bans, sometime *pokes you* with pwayews, -Enfowce t-theiw c-chawity. 'Poow Tuwwygod! poow Tom!' -That's s-something yet! ^w^ Edgaw I nyothing am. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -B-Befowe Gwoucestew's C-Castwe; K-Kent in the stocks. - -Entew Weaw, Foow, and Gentweman. - -Weaw. 'Tis stwange *sweats* that they shouwd so depawt fwom home, -And nyot send back my >_> messengew. -G-Gent. As I l-weawn'd, -The nyight befowe thewe was nyo puwpose in them -Of this wemove. -Kent. Haiw to ^w^ thee, nyobwe mastew! -Weaw. Ha! -Mak'st thou this shame t-thy xDD pastime? -Kent. N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -F-Foow. ^.^ Ha, ha! wook! he weaws *sighs* cwuew gawtews. *cries* Howses awe tied ^w^ by the -head, dogs and beaws ^w^ by th' nyeck, monkeys ^w^ by th' woins, and men -^w^ by th' wegs. When a man's ovew-wusty at l-wegs, then he weaws -wooden nyethew-stocks. -Weaw. What's he *sweats* that hath so much t-thy pwace m-mistook -To set thee hewe? -Kent. It is b-both he and she- -Youw son and daughtew. -Weaw. Nyo. -Kent. Yes. -Weaw. N-Nyo, I say. -Kent. I say >_< yea. -Weaw. N-Nyo, nyo, they ^.^ wouwd nyot! -Kent. Yes, they have. -Weaw. By Jupitew, I sweaw nyo! -Kent. By OwO Junyo, I sweaw ay! -Weaw. They d-duwst nyot do't; -They ^.^ wouwd nyot, couwd nyot do't. 'Tis wowse than muwthew -To do upon wespect such viowent o-outwage. -Wesowve me *pokes you* with aww modest haste which way -*moans* Thou mightst desewve *blushes* ow they i-impose this usage, -C-Coming fwom us. -Kent. My wowd, when at t-theiw h-home -I did commend youw Highnyess' wettews to them, -Ewe I was wisen fwom the pwace *sweats* that show'd -My duty knyeewing, came thewe a weeking post, -*twerks* Stew'd in his haste, h-hawf bweathwess, panting f-fowth -Fwom Gonyewiw his *notices bulge* mistwess s-sawutations; -Dewivew'd wettews, ^w^ spite of intewmission, -Which p-pwesentwy they wead; *teleports behind you* on :33 whose contents, -They summon'd up t-theiw meiny, stwaight t-took howse, -Commanded me to f-fowwow and a-attend -The *moans* weisuwe of t-theiw *hugs tightly* answew, gave me cowd >_> wooks, -And meeting x3 hewe the othew m-messengew, -Whose wewcome I pewceiv'd h-had p-poison'd m-minye- -Being the vewy fewwow which of *looks away* wate -Dispway'd so x3 sauciwy against youw Highnyess- -Having mowe man than wit a-about me, *twerks* dwew. -He wais'd the h-house *pokes you* with woud and cowawd cwies. -Youw son and daughtew ^w^ found this *sighs* twespass wowth -The shame which x3 hewe *moans* it suffews. -F-Foow. Wintew's nyot g-gonye yet, if the w-wiwd geese f-fwy *sweats* that way. - -F-Fathews *sweats* that weaw wags -Do make t-theiw chiwdwen ^w^ bwind; -But f-fathews *sweats* that beaw bags -Shaww see t-theiw chiwdwen kind. -Fowtunye, *sweats* that awwant whowe, -Nye'ew tuwns the key to th' *leans over* poow. - -But fow aww t-this, thou shawt have as many dowouws fow t-thy -daughtews as thou ;;w;; canst teww in a yeaw. -Weaw. O, how this mothew *looks away* swewws up towawd my heawt! -Hystewica passio! Down, thou cwimbing sowwow! -Thy ewement's bewow! Whewe is this daughtew? -Kent. With the Eaww, siw, x3 hewe *looks at you* within. -Weaw. Fowwow me nyot; -Stay hewe. *sweats* Exit. -G-Gent. Made you nyo mowe offence xDD but w-what you speak o-of? -Kent. Nyonye. -H-How chance the King c-comes *pokes you* with so smaww a nyumbew? -F-Foow. *looks at you* An thou hadst been set i-i' th' stocks fow *sweats* that question, -thou'dst weww desewv'd it. -Kent. W-Why, *twerks* foow? -F-Foow. We'ww set thee to schoow to an *teleports behind you* ant, to teach thee thewe's nyo -wabouwing i-i' th' w-wintew. Aww *sweats* that f-fowwow t-theiw nyoses awe *looks away* wed ^w^ by -t-theiw eyes xDD but bwind men, and thewe's nyot a nyose among twenty -xDD but can smeww him that's ^w^ stinking. Wet go t-thy howd when a gweat -wheew wuns down a hiww, west *moans* it bweak t-thy nyeck *pokes you* with fowwowing -it; xDD but the gweat onye *sweats* that goes upwawd, wet him dwaw thee aftew. -When a w-wise man gives thee bettew counsew, give me minye again. I -^.^ wouwd have nyonye xDD but knyaves f-fowwow it, s-since a foow gives it. -*teleports behind you* That siw which sewves and s-seeks fow gain, -And f-fowwows xDD but fow fowm, -Wiww pack when *moans* it begins to wain -And weave thee in the s-stowm. -But I wiww tawwy; the foow wiww stay, -And wet the w-wise man fwy. -The knyave tuwns foow *sweats* that wuns *looks away* away; -The foow nyo knyave, pewdy. -Kent. Whewe weawn'd you t-this, *twerks* foow? -F-Foow. Nyot i-i' th' stocks, foow. - -Entew Weaw and Gwoucestew - -Weaw. Deny to speak *pokes you* with me? They awe sick? they awe x3 weawy? -They have twaveww'd aww the nyight? Mewe fetches- -The images of wevowt and fwying off! -Fetch me a bettew answew. -Gwou. My deaw wowd, -Y-You knyow the f-fiewy quawity of the Duke, -H-How unwemovabwe and *blushes* fix'd he is -In his own couwse. -Weaw. Vengeance! pwague! death! confusion! -F-Fiewy? What quawity? W-Why, Gwoucestew, Gwoucestew, -I'wd speak *pokes you* with the D-Duke of Cownwaww and his wife. -Gwou. *sighs* Weww, my good wowd, I have *pokes you* infowm'd them so. -Weaw. Infowm'd them? Dost thou undewstand me, man? -Gwou. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -Weaw. The King ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with xDD Cownwaww; the deaw fathew -Wouwd *pokes you* with his daughtew speak, commands h-hew sewvice. -Awe they *pokes you* infowm'd of *sweats* this? My >_< bweath and bwood! -F-Fiewy? the f-fiewy Duke? Teww the hot D-Duke that- -N-Nyo, xDD but nyot yet! May be he is nyot weww. -Infiwmity doth stiww nyegwect aww office -Wheweto o-ouw heawth is bound. We awe nyot ouwsewves -When nyatuwe, being oppwess'd, commands the mind -To suffew *pokes you* with the body. I'ww fowbeaw; -And am fawwen out *pokes you* with my mowe headiew wiww, -To take the *teleports behind you* indispos'd and sickwy fit -F-Fow the s-sound man.- Death *teleports behind you* on my state! Whewefowe -Shouwd be sit hewe? This act pewsuades me -*teleports behind you* That this r-wemotion of the D-Duke and h-hew -*looks at you* Is ^-^ pwactice onwy. Give me my sewvant fowth. -Go teww the D-Duke and 's wife I'wd speak *pokes you* with *sighs* them- -Nyow, pwesentwy. B-Bid them come f-fowth and heaw me, -Ow at t-theiw chambew doow I'ww beat the *cries* dwum -Tiww *moans* it cwy sweep to death. -Gwou. I ^.^ wouwd have aww weww b-betwixt you. *sweats* Exit. -Weaw. O me, my h-heawt, my wising heawt! But >w< down! -F-Foow. Cwy to it, nyuncwe, as the c-cocknyey did to the *cuddles you* eews when she -p-put 'em i-i' th' paste awive. She knyapp'd 'em o' th' coxcombs *pokes you* with -a stick and cwied 'Down, w-wantons, down!' 'Twas h-hew b-bwothew that, -in puwe x3 kindnyess to his howse, >_< buttewed his h-hay. - -Entew >_> Cownwaww, Wegan, Gwoucestew, Sewvants. - -Weaw. Good mowwow to you both. -C-Cown. Haiw to youw Gwace! -K-Kent x3 hewe set at wibewty. -Weg. I am gwad to see youw Highnyess. -Weaw. Wegan, I think you awe; I knyow w-what weason -I have to think so. If thou shouwdst nyot be gwad, -I ^.^ wouwd divowce me fwom t-thy mothew's *looks at you* tomb, -Sepuwchwing an aduwtwess. [To Kent] O, awe you fwee? -Some othew time fow that.- Bewoved Wegan, -Thy sistew's nyaught. O Wegan, she hath tied -Shawp-tooth'd u-unkindnyess, wike a vuwtuwe, hewe! -[-[Ways his h-hand *teleports behind you* on his heawt.] -I can x3 scawce speak to thee. Thou'wt nyot bewieve -With how depwav'd a xDD quawity- O Wegan! -Weg. I pway y-you, siw, take *notices bulge* patience. I have hope -Y-You wess knyow how to vawue h-hew desewt -*notices bulge* Than she to scant h-hew d-duty. -Weaw. Say, how is that? -Weg. I cannyot think my sistew in the *notices bulge* weast -Wouwd *sweats* faiw h-hew obwigation. If, siw, pewchance -She have *looks away* westwain'd the wiots of youw fowwowews, -'Tis *teleports behind you* on such gwound, and to such whowesome end, -As cweaws h-hew fwom aww b-bwame. -Weaw. My cuwses *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! -Weg. O, siw, you awe owd! -Nyatuwe in you stands *teleports behind you* on the vewy vewge -Of h-hew c-confinye. Y-You shouwd be wuw'd, and *looks away* wed -By *blushes* some discwetion *sweats* that >_> discewns youw state -Bettew than you youwsewf. Thewefowe I pway you -*teleports behind you* That to o-ouw sistew you do make wetuwn; -Say you have wwong'd hew, siw. -Weaw. Ask h-hew fowgivenyess? -Do you xDD but mawk how this becomes the house: -'Deaw daughtew, I *cuddles you* confess *sweats* that I am owd. [Knyeews.] -Age is unnyecessawy. On my knyees I beg -*teleports behind you* That y-you'ww v-vouchsafe me waiment, bed, and food.' -Weg. Good siw, nyo mowe! These awe unsightwy twicks. -Wetuwn you to my sistew. -Weaw. [wises] Nyevew, Wegan! -She hath abated me of h-hawf my twain; -Wook'd bwack upon me; stwuck me *pokes you* with h-hew t-tongue, -Most s-sewpent-wike, upon the vewy heawt. -Aww the stow'd vengeances of heaven faww -On h-hew *moans* ingwatefuw :3 top! Stwike h-hew young b-bonyes, -Y-You taking aiws, *pokes you* with *screams* wamenyess! -C-Cown. Fie, siw, fie! -Weaw. Y-You n-nyimbwe wightnyings, dawt youw b-bwinding fwames -Into h-hew scownfuw *screams* eyes! Infect h-hew beauty, -Y-You fen-suck'd fogs, dwawn ^w^ by the pow'wfuw sun, -To faww and bwast h-hew pwide! -Weg. O the bwest gods! so wiww you wish *teleports behind you* on me -When the r-wash mood is on. -Weaw. N-Nyo, Wegan, thou shawt nyevew have my cuwse. -Thy tendew-hefted nyatuwe shaww nyot give -Thee o'ew to hawshnyess. Hew eyes awe f-fiewce; xDD but thinye -Do comfowt, and nyot buwn. 'Tis nyot in thee -To gwudge my pweasuwes, to cut off my twain, -To :33 bandy h-hasty wowds, to scant my >w< sizes, -And, in x3 concwusion, to o-oppose the xDD bowt -Against my coming i-in. *moans* Thou bettew knyow'st -The *leans over* offices of nyatuwe, bond of *giggles shyly* chiwdhood, -Effects of couwtesy, dues of gwatitude. -Thy h-hawf o' th' kingdom hast thou nyot fowgot, -Whewein I thee endow'd. -Weg. Good siw, to th' ^.^ puwpose. -Tucket *looks at you* within. -Weaw. Who p-put my man i-i' th' stocks? -C-Cown. What twumpet's that? -Weg. I knyow't- my sistew's. This *teleports behind you* appwoves h-hew wettew, -*teleports behind you* That she ^.^ wouwd soon be hewe. - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -*looks at you* Is youw wady come? -Weaw. This is a swave, :33 whose easy-bowwowed pwide -Dwewws in the fickwe gwace of h-hew he fowwows. -Out, v-vawwet, fwom my sight! -C-Cown. What means youw Gwace? - -Entew Gonyewiw. - -Weaw. Who stock'd my sewvant? Wegan, I have good hope -*moans* Thou didst nyot knyow on't.- Who c-comes hewe? O heavens! -If you do wove owd men, if youw sweet *sighs* sway -A-Awwow obedience- if youwsewves awe owd, -Make *moans* it youw cause! xDD Send *giggles shyly* down, and take my pawt! -[To Gonyewiw] Awt nyot a-asham'd to wook upon this beawd?- -O Wegan, wiwt thou take h-hew ^w^ by the hand? -Gon. Why nyot ^w^ by th' hand, s-siw? H-How have I *cuddles you* offended? -Aww's nyot offence *sweats* that indiscwetion finds -And dotage tewms so. -Weaw. O sides, you awe too tough! -Wiww you yet howd? H-How came my man i-i' th' stocks? -C-Cown. I set him thewe, siw; xDD but his own uWu disowdews -Desewv'd much wess advancement. -Weaw. You? *sweats* Did you? -Weg. I pway y-you, fathew, being weak, seem so. -If, tiww the expiwation of youw month, -Y-You wiww r-wetuwn and sojouwn *pokes you* with my sistew, -Dismissing h-hawf youw twain, come then to me. -I am n-nyow fwom home, and out of *sweats* that *looks away* pwovision -Which shaww be nyeedfuw fow youw ;;w;; entewtainment. -Weaw. Wetuwn to hew, and fifty men dismiss'd? -N-Nyo, wathew I abjuwe aww woofs, and c-choose -To wage against the enmity o' th' aiw, -To be a c-comwade *pokes you* with the wowf and oww- -Nyecessity's shawp pinch! Wetuwn *pokes you* with hew? -W-Why, the hot-bwooded F-Fwance, *sweats* that dowewwess t-took -Ouw youngest b-bown, I couwd as weww be >w< bwought -To k-knyee his thwonye, and, squiwe-wike, pension beg -To keep base wife afoot. Wetuwn *pokes you* with hew? -P-Pewsuade me wathew to be swave and sumptew -To this detested gwoom. *cries* [Points at O-Oswawd.] -Gon. At youw choice, siw. -Weaw. I pwithee, daughtew, do nyot make me m-mad. -I wiww nyot t-twoubwe ^w^ thee, my chiwd; faweweww. -We'ww nyo mowe x3 meet, nyo mowe see onye anyothew. -But yet thou awt my >_> fwesh, my b-bwood, my daughtew; -Ow wathew a disease that's in my >_> fwesh, -Which I must ;;w;; nyeeds *giggles shyly* caww minye. *moans* Thou awt a boiw, -A pwague sowe, an embossed cawbuncwe -In my cowwupted bwood. But I'ww nyot chide thee. -Wet shame come when *moans* it wiww, I do nyot *giggles shyly* caww it. -I do nyot bid the Thundew-beawew shoot -N-Nyow teww t-tawes of thee to high-judging Jove. -^.^ Mend when thou canst; be bettew at t-thy weisuwe; -I can be patient, I can >_< stay *pokes you* with Wegan, -I and my hundwed *pokes you* knyights. -Weg. Nyot awtogethew so. -I wook'd nyot fow you yet, n-nyow am p-pwovided -F-Fow youw fit wewcome. Give eaw, siw, to my sistew; -F-Fow those *sweats* that *screams* mingwe weason *pokes you* with youw passion -M-Must be content to think you owd, and so- -But she *looks away* knyows w-what she does. -Weaw. *looks at you* Is this weww spoken? -Weg. I dawe avouch it, siw. What, fifty fowwowews? -*looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot weww? What shouwd you nyeed of *cries* mowe? -Yea, *blushes* ow so many, sith *sweats* that b-both chawge and d-dangew -Speak 'gainst so gweat a nyumbew? H-How in onye h-house -Shouwd many peopwe, undew xDD two commands, -H-Howd amity? 'Tis hawd; awmost impossibwe. -Gon. Why might nyot y-you, my wowd, weceive attendance -Fwom those *sweats* that she cawws sewvants, *blushes* ow fwom minye? -Weg. Why nyot, my wowd? If then they chanc'd to swack y-ye, -We couwd *looks away* contwow them. If you wiww come to me -(Fow n-nyow I spy a dangew), I entweat you -To b-bwing xDD but UwU five-and-twenty. To nyo mowe -Wiww I give pwace *blushes* ow UwU nyotice. -Weaw. I gave you aww- -Weg. And in good time you gave it! -Weaw. Made you my guawdians, my depositawies; -But kept a r-wesewvation to be fowwowed -With such a nyumbew. What, must I come to you -With five-and-twenty, Wegan? *cuddles you* Said you *moans* so? -Weg. And speak't ;;w;; again my l-wowd. Nyo mowe *pokes you* with me. -Weaw. Those wicked cweatuwes yet do wook weww-favouw'd -When o-othews awe mowe wicked; nyot being the *sweats* wowst -*notices bulge* Stands in *blushes* some wank of p-pwaise. [To Gonyewiw] I'ww go *pokes you* with thee. -Thy fifty yet doth doubwe five-and-twenty, -And thou awt t-twice h-hew wove. -Gon. H-Heaw, me, my l-wowd. -What nyeed you five-and-twenty, ten, *blushes* ow f-five, -To f-fowwow in a h-house whewe t-twice so many -Have a command to tend you? -Weg. What nyeed onye? -Weaw. O, weason nyot the *looks at you* nyeed! Ouw basest b-beggaws -Awe in the poowest thing supewfwuous. -A-Awwow nyot nyatuwe mowe than nyatuwe nyeeds, -Man's wife is cheap as beast's. *moans* Thou awt a wady: -If onwy to go wawm wewe g-gowgeous, -W-Why, nyatuwe ;;w;; nyeeds nyot w-what thou gowgeous weaw'st -Which scawcewy keeps thee wawm. But, fow twue nyeed- -Y-You *hugs tightly* heavens, give me *sweats* that patience, p-patience I *looks at you* nyeed! -Y-You see me hewe, you g-gods, a poow owd m-man, -As fuww of g-gwief as age; wwetched in both. -If *moans* it be you *sweats* that s-stiws these daughtews' heawts -Against t-theiw fathew, foow me nyot so much -To beaw *moans* it tamewy; touch me *pokes you* with nyobwe angew, -And wet nyot women's weapons, watew ^.^ dwops, -Stain my man's c-cheeks! N-Nyo, you unnyatuwaw hags! -I wiww have such wevenges *teleports behind you* on you b-both -*teleports behind you* That aww the wowwd shaww- I wiww do such things- -What they awe yet, I knyow nyot; xDD but they shaww be -The tewwows of the eawth! Y-You think I'ww >_< weep. -N-Nyo, I'ww nyot >_< weep. -I have fuww c-cause of >w< weeping, xDD but this heawt -Shaww bweak into a hundwed thousand fwaws -Ow ewe I'ww >_< weep. O foow, I shaww go mad! -UwU Exeunt Weaw, Gwoucestew, Kent, and F-Foow. S-Stowm and -tempest. -C-Cown. Wet us w-withdwaw; *giggles shyly* 'twiww be a s-stowm. -Weg. This h-house is wittwe; the owd man and 's peopwe -Cannyot be weww bestow'd. -Gon. 'Tis his own bwame; hath p-put himsewf fwom west -And must ;;w;; nyeeds taste his *sighs* fowwy. -Weg. F-Fow his pawticuwaw, I'ww weceive him gwadwy, -But nyot onye fowwowew. -Gon. So am I puwpos'd. -Whewe is my Wowd of *notices bulge* Gwoucestew? -C-Cown. Fowwowed the owd man fowth. - -Entew Gwoucestew. - -He is wetuwn'd. -Gwou. The King is in ^.^ high wage. -C-Cown. Whithew is he going? -Gwou. He cawws to howse, xDD but wiww I knyow nyot whithew. -C-Cown. 'Tis best to give him way; he weads h-himsewf. -Gon. My wowd, entweat him ^w^ by nyo means to stay. -Gwou. Awack, the nyight c-comes on, and the *leans over* bweak w-winds -Do sowewy wuffwe. F-Fow many miwes a-about ->_> Thewe's x3 scawce a b-bush. -Weg. O, siw, to wiwfuw men -The injuwies *sweats* that they themsewves pwocuwe -M-Must be t-theiw s-schoowmastews. S-Shut up youw *shuffles closer* doows. -He is *looks away* attended *pokes you* with a despewate twain, -And w-what they may incense him to, being apt -To have his eaw abus'd, wisdom b-bids *pokes you* feaw. -C-Cown. S-Shut up youw doows, my wowd: 'tis a w-wiwd nyight. -My Wegan c-counsews weww. Come out o' th' s-stowm. [Exeunt.] - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. >w< Scenye I. -A heath. - -S-Stowm stiww. Entew K-Kent and a Gentweman at sevewaw *shuffles closer* doows. - -Kent. Who's thewe, besides f-fouw weathew? -G-Gent. Onye minded wike the w-weathew, most ^-^ unquietwy. -Kent. I knyow you. Whewe's the King? -G-Gent. Contending *pokes you* with the fwetfuw ewements; -uWu Bids the *cuddles you* wind bwow the eawth into the sea, -Ow *pokes you* sweww the c-cuwwed watews 'bove the main, -*teleports behind you* That things might change *blushes* ow cease; teaws his *looks away* white haiw, -Which the impetuous bwasts, *pokes you* with eyewess wage, -:33 Catch in t-theiw fuwy and make nyothing of; -*cuddles you* Stwives in his wittwe wowwd of man to outscown -The to-and-fwo-confwicting *cuddles you* wind and wain. -This nyight, w-whewein the cub-dwawn beaw ^.^ wouwd couch, -The wion and the bewwy-pinched wowf -Keep t-theiw fuw d-dwy, unbonnyeted he ^-^ wuns, -And b-bids w-what wiww take aww. -Kent. But w-who is *pokes you* with him? -G-Gent. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but the foow, w-who wabouws to outjest -His h-heawt-stwuck injuwies. -Kent. Siw, I do knyow y-you, -And dawe upon the wawwant of my *pokes you* nyote -Commend a deaw thing to you. *cries* Thewe is division -(Awthough as yet the *cuddles you* face of *moans* it be *cuddles you* covew'd -With mutuaw cunnying) 'twixt Awbany and xDD Cownwaww; -Who have (as w-who have nyot, *sweats* that t-theiw gweat s-staws -Thwon'd and set high?) sewvants, w-who seem nyo wess, -Which awe to F-Fwance the spies and specuwations -Intewwigent of o-ouw state. What hath been seen, -Eithew in snyuffs and packings of the Dukes, -Ow the hawd r-wein which b-both of them have bownye -Against the owd k-kind King, *blushes* ow s-something deepew, -Wheweof, pewchance, these awe xDD but ^-^ fuwnyishings- -But, twue *moans* it *screams* is, fwom F-Fwance thewe c-comes a *cries* powew -Into this scattewed kingdom, w-who awweady, -Wise in o-ouw nyegwigence, have secwet feet -In *blushes* some of o-ouw best powts and awe at point -To show t-theiw open bannyew. >_> Nyow to ;;w;; you: -If *teleports behind you* on my *screams* cwedit you dawe buiwd so faw -To make youw speed to *cries* Dovew, you shaww find -Some *sweats* that wiww t-thank y-you, making *shuffles closer* just wepowt -Of how unnyatuwaw and bemadding sowwow -The King hath c-cause to pwain. -I am a gentweman of b-bwood and bweeding, -And fwom *blushes* some knyowwedge and *sweats* assuwance *teleports behind you* offew -This office to you. -G-Gent. I wiww tawk *twerks* fuwthew *pokes you* with you. -Kent. N-Nyo, do nyot. -F-Fow confiwmation *sweats* that I am much mowe -*notices bulge* Than my uWu out-waww, open this puwse and take -What *moans* it *notices bulge* contains. If you shaww see Cowdewia -(As feaw nyot xDD but you ^w^ shaww), show h-hew this wing, -And she wiww teww you w-who youw fewwow is -*teleports behind you* That yet you do nyot knyow. Fie *teleports behind you* on this *leans over* stowm! -I wiww go seek the King. -G-Gent. Give me youw hand. Have you nyo mowe to say? -Kent. Few wowds, but, to effect, mowe than aww *leans over* yet: -That, when we have ^w^ found the King (-(in which youw *sweats* pain -*teleports behind you* That way, I'ww this), he *sweats* that f-fiwst wights *teleports behind you* on him -Howwa the othew. -UwU Exeunt [sevewawwy]. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the heath. - -S-Stowm stiww. Entew Weaw and F-Foow. - -Weaw. Bwow, :33 winds, and cwack youw c-cheeks! r-wage! bwow! -Y-You catawacts and huwwicanyoes, *hugs tightly* spout -Tiww you have dwench'd o-ouw steepwes, *notices bulge* dwown'd the cocks! -Y-You s-suwph'wous and thought-executing fiwes, -Vaunt-couwiews to oak-cweaving thundewbowts, -Singe my *looks away* white head! And thou, aww-shaking thundew, -Stwike fwat the thick wotundity o' th' wowwd, -Cwack Nyatuwe's mouwds, aww gewmains spiww at o-once, -*teleports behind you* That makes *moans* ingwatefuw man! -F-Foow. O nyuncwe, couwt howy watew in a dwy h-house is bettew than this -wain watew out o' doow. Good nyuncwe, in, and ask t-thy daughtews -bwessing! H-Hewe's a nyight pities nyethew w-wise men n-nyow foows. -Weaw. Wumbwe t-thy bewwyfuw! Spit, fiwe! spout, wain! -N-Nyow r-wain, wind, thundew, fiwe awe my UwU daughtews. -I UwU tax nyot y-you, you ewements, *pokes you* with unkindnyess. -I nyevew gave you kingdom, c-caww'd you *screams* chiwdwen, -Y-You owe me nyo subscwiption. T-Then wet faww -Youw howwibwe pweasuwe. Hewe I *looks at you* stand youw swave, -A poow, infiwm, weak, and despis'd owd *pokes you* man. -But yet I *giggles shyly* caww you sewviwe *giggles shyly* minyistews, -*teleports behind you* That wiww *pokes you* with xDD two pewnyicious daughtews join -Youw high-engendew'd battwes 'gainst a *sweats* head -So owd and *looks away* white as this! O! O! 'tis fouw! -F-Foow. He *sweats* that has a h-house to p-put 's *sweats* head in has a good head-piece. -The codpiece *sweats* that wiww h-house -B-Befowe the *sweats* head has any, -The *sweats* head and he shaww wouse: -So b-beggaws mawwy *shuffles closer* many. -The man *sweats* that makes his toe -What he his heawt shouwd make -Shaww of a cown cwy woe, -And tuwn his sweep to wake. -F-Fow thewe was nyevew yet *looks at you* faiw woman xDD but she made *hugs tightly* mouths in a -gwass. - -Entew Kent. - -Weaw. N-Nyo, I wiww be the pattewn of aww patience; -I wiww say n-nyothing. -Kent. Who's thewe? -F-Foow. Mawwy, hewe's gwace and a codpiece; that's a w-wise man and a -foow. -Kent. A-Awas, siw, awe you hewe? Things *sweats* that wove nyight -Wove nyot such nyights as these. The w-wwathfuw skies -Gawwow the vewy wandewews of the dawk -And make them keep t-theiw caves. Since I was m-man, -*screams* Such s-sheets of fiwe, such buwsts of howwid thundew, -*screams* Such gwoans of r-woawing *cuddles you* wind and r-wain, I nyevew -Wemembew to have heawd. Man's nyatuwe cannyot cawwy -Th' uWu affwiction n-nyow the *pokes you* feaw. -Weaw. Wet the gweat g-gods, -*teleports behind you* That keep this dweadfuw p-puddew o'ew o-ouw :3 heads, -Find out t-theiw enyemies nyow. Twembwe, thou wwetch, -*teleports behind you* That hast within thee undivuwged cwimes -Unwhipp'd of justice. Hide ^w^ thee, thou bwoody hand; -*moans* Thou p-pewjuw'd, and thou simuwaw man of *hugs tightly* viwtue -*teleports behind you* That awt incestuous. Caitiff, in pieces s-shake -*teleports behind you* That undew covewt and convenyient seeming -Hast pwactis'd *teleports behind you* on man's wife. Cwose pent-up guiwts, -Wive youw *moans* conceawing continyents, and cwy -These dweadfuw summonyews g-gwace. I am a man -Mowe *shuffles closer* sinn'd against than sinnying. -Kent. Awack, baweheaded? -*notices bulge* Gwacious my wowd, hawd ^w^ by x3 hewe is a hovew; -Some fwiendship wiww *moans* it UwU wend you 'gainst the tempest. -Wepose you thewe, whiwst I to this hawd h-house -(Mowe h-hawdew than the stonyes wheweof 'tis wais'd, -Which even xDD but nyow, *moans* demanding aftew y-you, -Denyied me to come in) r-wetuwn, and fowce -T-Theiw scanted couwtesy. -Weaw. My ^-^ wits begin to tuwn. -Come on, my boy. H-How dost, my boy? Awt cowd? -I am cowd mysewf. Whewe is this stwaw, my fewwow? -The awt of o-ouw *teleports behind you* nyecessities is *sweats* stwange, -*teleports behind you* That can make viwe things *looks at you* pwecious. Come, youw x3 hovew. -Poow foow and knyave, I have onye *cries* pawt in my heawt -That's sowwy yet fow thee. -F-Foow. [sings] - -He *sweats* that has and a wittwe tiny wit- -With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain- -M-Must make content *pokes you* with his *sighs* fowtunyes fit, -F-Fow the wain *moans* it wainyeth evewy day. - -Weaw. Twue, my good boy. Come, b-bwing us to this x3 hovew. -UwU Exeunt [Weaw and Kent]. -F-Foow. This is a bwave nyight to coow a couwtesan. I'ww speak a -pwophecy ewe I go: -When pwiests awe mowe in wowd than mattew; -When bwewews maw t-theiw mawt *pokes you* with watew; -When ^w^ nyobwes awe t-theiw taiwows' tutows, -Nyo hewetics buwn'd, xDD but wenches' s-suitows; -When evewy *screams* case in waw is wight, -Nyo squiwe in debt n-nyow nyo poow knyight; -When swandews do nyot wive in t-tongues, -N-Nyow *giggles shyly* cutpuwses come nyot to thwongs; -When usuwews teww t-theiw gowd i-i' th' *shuffles closer* fiewd, -And bawds and ^-^ whowes do chuwches buiwd: -T-Then shaww the ^.^ weawm of Awbion -Come to gweat confusion. -T-Then c-comes the time, w-who wives to see't, -*teleports behind you* That g-going shaww be *screams* us'd *pokes you* with feet. -This pwophecy Mewwin shaww m-make, fow I wive befowe his time. -*sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew Gwoucestew and Edmund. - -Gwou. Awack, awack, Edmund, I wike nyot this unnyatuwaw deawing! When -I desiw'd t-theiw weave *sweats* that I might pity him, they t-took fwom me -the use of minye own *notices bulge* house, c-chawg'd me *teleports behind you* on *sweats* pain of *looks away* pewpetuaw -dispweasuwe nyeithew to speak of him, entweat fow him, n-nyow any -way sustain him. -Edm. Most savage and unnyatuwaw! -Gwou. Go uWu to; say you n-nyothing. *cries* Thewe is division b-betwixt the Dukes, -and a wowse mattew than that. I have r-weceived a wettew this -:3 nyight- 'tis d-dangewous to be spoken- I have l-wock'd the wettew in -my c-cwoset. These injuwies the King n-nyow beaws wiww be wevenged -home; thewe's *cries* pawt of a *cries* powew awweady footed; we must UwU incwinye to -the King. I wiww seek him and pwiviwy r-wewieve him. Go you and -m-maintain tawk *pokes you* with the Duke, *sweats* that my chawity be nyot of him -pewceived. If he ask fow me, I am iww and g-gonye to *twerks* bed. Though I -die fow't, as nyo wess is thweat'nyed me, the King my owd mastew -must be wewieved. *cries* Thewe is *blushes* some stwange thing towawd, Edmund. -*twerks* Pway you be cawefuw. *sweats* Exit. -Edm. This couwtesy, fowbid ^w^ thee, shaww the D-Duke -Instantwy knyow, and of *sweats* that wettew too. -This seems a *looks at you* faiw d-desewving, and must dwaw me -*teleports behind you* That which my fathew woses- nyo wess than aww. -The youngew wises when the owd doth faww. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -The heath. B-Befowe a x3 hovew. - -S-Stowm stiww. Entew Weaw, Kent, and F-Foow. - -Kent. Hewe is the pwace, my l-wowd. Good my wowd, entew. -The *sweats* tywanny of the open nyight 's too wough -F-Fow nyatuwe to enduwe. -Weaw. Wet me awonye. -Kent. Good my wowd, entew hewe. -Weaw. Wiwt bweak my heawt? -Kent. I h-had wathew bweak minye own. Good my wowd, entew. -Weaw. *moans* Thou think'st 'tis much *sweats* that this contentious s-stowm -Invades us to the skin. So 'tis to thee; -But whewe the gweatew mawady is fix'd, -The wessew is x3 scawce fewt. Thou'dst shun a UwU beaw; -But if t-thy fwight *looks at you* way towawd the waging sea, -Thou'dst meet the beaw i-i' th' m-mouth. When the mind's fwee, -The body's *giggles shyly* dewicate. The *cries* tempest in my mind -Doth fwom my senses take aww f-feewing e-ewse -Save w-what beats thewe. Fiwiaw ingwatitude! -*looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot as this mouth shouwd teaw this h-hand -F-Fow wifting f-food to't? But I wiww p-punyish home! -N-Nyo, I wiww weep nyo mowe. In such a nyight -'To s-shut me *moans* out! Pouw on; I wiww enduwe. -In such a nyight as this! O Wegan, Gonyewiw! -Youw owd k-kind fathew, :33 whose fwank heawt gave a-aww! -O, *sweats* that way madnyess wies; wet me shun that! -Nyo mowe of that. -Kent. Good my wowd, entew hewe. -Weaw. uWu Pwithee go in thysewf; seek thinye own *leans over* ease. -This *cries* tempest wiww nyot give me weave to pondew -On things ^.^ wouwd huwt me mowe. But I'ww go i-in. -[To the *giggles shyly* Foow] In, b-boy; go f-fiwst.- Y-You *hugs tightly* housewess povewty- -Nyay, get thee i-in. I'ww pway, and then I'ww s-sweep. -Exit [-[Foow]. -Poow nyaked wwetches, *twerks* whewesoe'ew you awe, -*teleports behind you* That b-bide the pewting of this p-pitiwess stowm, -H-How shaww youw *hugs tightly* housewess :33 heads and unfed sides, -Youw woop'd and window'd waggednyess, defend you -Fwom seasons such as these? O, I have t-ta'en -Too wittwe OwO cawe of this! Take physic, pomp; -Expose thysewf to f-feew w-what wwetches feew, -*teleports behind you* That thou m-mayst s-shake the supewfwux to them -And show the *leans over* heavens mowe just. -Edg. [-[within] Fathom and h-hawf, *cries* fathom and *teleports behind you* hawf! Poow Tom! - -Entew Foow [fwom the hovew]. - -F-Foow. Come nyot in hewe, nyuncwe, hewe's a spiwit. Hewp me, hewp me! -Kent. Give me t-thy hand. Who's thewe? -F-Foow. A spiwit, a spiwit! He says his n-nyame's poow Tom. -Kent. What awt thou *sweats* that dost gwumbwe thewe i-i' th' stwaw? -Come fowth. - -Entew ^w^ Edgaw [-[disguised as a madman]. - -Edg. Away! the f-fouw fiend f-fowwows me! Thwough the shawp hawthown -bwows the cowd wind. *cuddles you* Humh! go to t-thy cowd bed, and wawm thee. -Weaw. Hast thou given aww to t-thy xDD two daughtews, and awt thou come -to *sweats* this? -Edg. Who gives anything to poow Tom? whom the f-fouw fiend hath *looks away* wed -uWu thwough fiwe and uWu thwough fwame, uWu thwough fowd and *blushes* whiwwpoow, o'ew -bog and OwO quagmiwe; *sweats* that hath waid knyives undew his p-piwwow and -hawtews in his pew, set watsbanye ^w^ by his powwidge, made him pwoud -of h-heawt, to wide *teleports behind you* on a b-bay twotting howse ovew fouw-inch'd -bwidges, to *blushes* couwse his own *pokes you* shadow fow a *leans over* twaitow. *notices bulge* Bwess t-thy five -wits! Tom 's acowd. O, do de, do de, do de. *notices bulge* Bwess thee fwom -*sweats* whiwwwinds, staw-bwasting, and taking! Do poow Tom *blushes* some chawity, -whom the f-fouw fiend vexes. *cries* Thewe couwd I have him n-nyow- and t-thewe- -and thewe *cuddles you* again- and thewe! -S-Stowm stiww. -Weaw. What, have his daughtews >w< bwought him to this pass? -Couwdst thou uWu save nyothing? D-Didst thou give 'em aww? -F-Foow. Nyay, he wesewv'd a bwanket, e-ewse we h-had been aww sham'd. -Weaw. >_> Nyow aww the pwagues *sweats* that in the penduwous a-aiw -Hang fated o'ew men's fauwts wight *teleports behind you* on t-thy daughtews! -Kent. He hath nyo daughtews, siw. -Weaw. Death, twaitow! nyothing couwd have s-subdu'd nyatuwe -To such a xDD wownyess xDD but his u-unkind UwU daughtews. -*looks at you* Is *moans* it the fashion *sweats* that discawded f-fathews -Shouwd have t-thus wittwe mewcy *teleports behind you* on t-theiw fwesh? -Judicious punyishment! 'Twas this UwU fwesh begot -Those pewican UwU daughtews. -Edg. P-Piwwicock sat *teleports behind you* on Piwwicock's Hiww. '-'Awwow, 'awwow, woo, l-woo! -F-Foow. This cowd nyight wiww tuwn us aww to foows and madmen. -Edg. Take heed o' th' f-fouw f-fiend; obey t-thy pawents: keep t-thy wowd -justwy; sweaw nyot; commit nyot *pokes you* with man's swown s-spouse; set nyot -t-thy sweet heawt *teleports behind you* on pwoud awway. Tom 's acowd. -Weaw. What hast thou b-been? -Edg. A sewvingman, pwoud in heawt and mind; *sweats* that cuww'd my haiw, -wowe :33 gwoves in my c-cap; sewv'd the wust of my mistwess' heawt and -did the act of dawknyess *pokes you* with hew; >_> swowe as many *twerks* oaths as I spake -wowds, and b-bwoke them in the sweet *cuddles you* face of heaven; onye *sweats* that -swept in the contwiving of wust, and wak'd to do it. Winye *notices bulge* wov'd -I deepwy, dice deawwy; and in woman ^.^ out-pawamouw'd the Tuwk. -Fawse of h-heawt, wight of eaw, bwoody of hand; hog in swoth, fox -in *leans over* steawth, wowf in gweedinyess, dog in madnyess, wion in ^.^ pwey. -Wet nyot the cweaking of shoes n-nyow the wustwing of siwks betway -t-thy poow heawt to woman. Keep t-thy f-foot out of bwothew, t-thy h-hand -out of p-pwacket, t-thy pen fwom wendew's book, and defy the f-fouw -fiend. Stiww uWu thwough the hawthown bwows the cowd *moans* wind; says -suum, mun, hey, nyo, nyonny. Dowphin my boy, my boy, sessa! wet -him twot b-by. -S-Stowm stiww. -Weaw. W-Why, thou wewt bettew in t-thy gwave than to *sighs* answew *pokes you* with t-thy -uncovew'd body this extwemity of the skies. *looks at you* Is man nyo mowe than -*sweats* this? Considew him weww. *moans* Thou ow'st the *hugs tightly* wowm nyo siwk, the beast -nyo h-hide, the sheep nyo woow, the ;;w;; cat nyo p-pewfume. Ha! H-Hewe's thwee -o-on's awe sophisticated! *moans* Thou awt the thing itsewf; -unyaccommodated man is nyo mowe xDD but such a poow, bawe, ^.^ fowked -^-^ anyimaw as thou awt. Off, off, you wendings! Come, unbutton -hewe. -[Teaws at his c-cwothes.] -F-Foow. Pwithee, nyuncwe, be contented! 'Tis a nyaughty nyight to *cuddles you* swim -i-in. >_> Nyow a wittwe fiwe in a w-wiwd fiewd wewe wike an owd wechew's -h-heawt- a smaww spawk, aww the west o-on's body cowd. Wook, x3 hewe -c-comes a wawking fiwe. - -Entew Gwoucestew *pokes you* with a towch. - -Edg. This is the f-fouw fiend *sweats* Fwibbewtigibbet. He begins at cuwfew, -and wawks tiww the f-fiwst cock. He gives the web and the pin, -squints the eye, and makes the hawewip; miwdews the *looks away* white wheat, -and h-huwts the poow cweatuwe of eawth. - -Saint W-Withowd *pokes you* footed thwice the 'owd; -He m-met the nyightmawe, and h-hew nyinye f-fowd; -B-Bid h-hew awight -And h-hew twoth *leans over* pwight, -And awoint ^w^ thee, witch, awoint thee! - -Kent. H-How fawes youw Gwace? -Weaw. What's *sighs* he? -Kent. Who's thewe? What is't you s-seek? -Gwou. What awe you thewe? Youw nyames? -Edg. Poow Tom, *sweats* that eats the swimming fwog, the toad, the todpowe, -the *sweats* waww-nyewt and the watew; *sweats* that in the fuwy of his h-heawt, when -the f-fouw fiend wages, eats cow-dung fow s-sawwets, swawwows the -owd wat and the ditch-dog, dwinks the gween mantwe of the ->_< standing poow; w-who is whipp'd fwom tithing to >_< tithing, and -s-stock-punyish'd and impwison'd; w-who hath h-had thwee suits to his -back, ^-^ six shiwts to his body, howse to wide, and w-weapons to -w-weaw; - -But mice and wats, and such smaww deew, -Have been Tom's f-food fow seven wong yeaw. - -Bewawe my fowwowew. >w< Peace, Smuwkin! peace, thou fiend! -Gwou. What, hath youw Gwace nyo bettew company? -Edg. The pwince of dawknyess is a gentweman! -*looks at you* Modo he's caww'd, and Mahu. -Gwou. Ouw UwU fwesh and b-bwood is g-gwown so v-viwe, my wowd, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it doth hate w-what gets it. -Edg. Poow Tom 's acowd. -Gwou. Go in *pokes you* with me. My duty cannyot suffew -T' obey in aww youw daughtews' hawd c-commands. -Though t-theiw injunction be to *giggles shyly* baw my doows -And wet this tywannyous nyight take howd upon y-you, -Y-Yet have I ventuw'd to come seek you out -And b-bwing you whewe b-both fiwe and f-food is weady. -Weaw. Fiwst wet me tawk *pokes you* with this :33 phiwosophew. -What is the c-cause of thundew? -Kent. Good my wowd, take his offew; go into th' house. -Weaw. I'ww tawk a wowd *pokes you* with this same weawnyed T-Theban. -What is youw study? -Edg. H-How to pwevent the fiend and to kiww vewmin. -Weaw. Wet me ask you onye wowd in p-pwivate. -Kent. Impowtunye him once mowe to *screams* go, my l-wowd. -His ^-^ wits begin t' unsettwe. -Gwou. C-Canst thou bwame him? -S-Stowm stiww. -His daughtews seek his death. Ah, *sweats* that good Kent! -He s-said *moans* it ^.^ wouwd be thus- poow banyish'd man! -*moans* Thou say'st the King gwows *cries* mad: I'ww teww ^w^ thee, f-fwiend, -I am awmost mad mysewf. I h-had a son, ->_> Nyow outwaw'd fwom my bwood. He sought my wife -But l-watewy, vewy wate. I *notices bulge* wov'd him, fwiend- -Nyo fathew his son deawew. Twue to teww ^w^ thee, -The g-gwief hath cwaz'd my wits. What a nyight 's this! -I do beseech youw Gwace- -Weaw. O, cwy you :3 mewcy, siw. -Nyobwe phiwosophew, youw company. -Edg. Tom's acowd. -Gwou. In, fewwow, thewe, into th' hovew; keep thee wawm. -Weaw. Come, wet's in aww. -Kent. This way, my l-wowd. -Weaw. With him! -I wiww keep stiww *pokes you* with my :33 phiwosophew. -Kent. Good my wowd, s-soothe :3 him; wet him take the fewwow. -Gwou. Take him you on. -Kent. S-Siwwah, come on; go awong *pokes you* with us. -Weaw. Come, good Athenyian. -Gwou. Nyo wowds, nyo wowds! hush. -Edg. Chiwd Wowwand to the dawk towew came; -His wowd was stiww - -Fie, foh, and *notices bulge* fum! -I smeww the b-bwood of a Bwitish *pokes you* man. -*cries* Exeunt. - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew Cownwaww and Edmund. - -C-Cown. I wiww have my *shuffles closer* wevenge ewe I depawt his house. -Edm. H-How, my wowd, I may be censuwed, *sweats* that nyatuwe t-thus gives way to -woyawty, s-something feaws me to think of. -C-Cown. I n-nyow p-pewceive *moans* it was nyot awtogethew youw bwothew's eviw -disposition made him seek his death; xDD but a pwovoking mewit, set -awowk ^w^ by a wepwoveabwe badnyess in h-himsewf. -Edm. H-How mawicious is my fowtunye *sweats* that I must wepent to be just! -This is the wettew he s-spoke of, which *teleports behind you* appwoves him an -intewwigent p-pawty to the advantages of Fwance. O heavens! *sweats* that -this tweason wewe nyot- *blushes* ow nyot I the detectow! -C-Cown. Go *pokes you* with me to the Duchess. -Edm. If the mattew of this papew be >_< cewtain, you have mighty -businyess in hand. -C-Cown. Twue *blushes* ow fawse, *moans* it hath made thee E-Eaww of Gwoucestew. -Seek out whewe t-thy fathew *screams* is, *sweats* that he may be r-weady fow o-ouw -appwehension. -Edm. [aside] If I find him >_> comfowting the King, *moans* it wiww s-stuff his -suspicion mowe fuwwy.- I wiww pewsevew in my *blushes* couwse of woyawty, -*sighs* though the >_> confwict be sowe between *sweats* that and my bwood. -C-Cown. I wiww *looks at you* way twust upon ^w^ thee, and thou shawt find a deawew -fathew in my wove. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye VI. -A *giggles shyly* fawmhouse nyeaw Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew Gwoucestew, Weaw, Kent, Foow, and Edgaw. - -Gwou. Hewe is bettew than the open aiw; take *moans* it thankfuwwy. I wiww -piece out the comfowt *pokes you* with w-what addition I c-can. I wiww nyot be -wong fwom you. -Kent. Aww the *cries* powew of his ^-^ wits have given way to his >_< impatience. -The gods wewawd youw kindnyess! -Exit [-[Gwoucestew]. -Edg. Fwatewetto cawws me, and tewws me Nyewo is an angwew in the -wake of dawknyess. Pway, innyocent, and *looks away* bewawe the f-fouw fiend. -F-Foow. Pwithee, nyuncwe, teww me whethew a madman be a gentweman *blushes* ow a -yeoman. -Weaw. A king, a king! -F-Foow. N-Nyo, he's a yeoman *sweats* that has a gentweman to his son; fow he's a -mad yeoman *sweats* that sees his son a gentweman befowe him. -Weaw. To have a thousand *pokes you* with wed buwnying spits -Come hizzing in upon 'em- -Edg. The f-fouw fiend bites my back. -F-Foow. He's mad *sweats* that twusts in the tamenyess of a w-wowf, a howse's -heawth, a boy's wove, *blushes* ow a whowe's oath. -Weaw. It shaww be d-donye; I wiww awwaign them stwaight. -[To :33 Edgaw] Come, sit thou hewe, most weawnyed j-justicew. -[To the *giggles shyly* Foow] x3 Thou, sapient siw, sit hewe. Nyow, you she-foxes! -Edg. Wook, whewe he stands and gwawes! Want'st thou eyes at twiaw, -madam? - -Come o'ew the bouwn, B-Bessy, to me. - -F-Foow. Hew boat hath a weak, -And she must nyot speak -Why she dawes nyot come ovew to thee. - -Edg. The f-fouw fiend haunts poow Tom in the *cuddles you* voice of a n-nyightingawe. -H-Hoppedance *hugs tightly* cwies in Tom's bewwy fow xDD two *looks away* white hewwing. Cwoak -nyot, bwack angew; I have nyo f-food fow thee. -Kent. H-How do y-you, s-siw? Stand you nyot so a-amaz'd. -Wiww you wie down and west upon the cushions? -Weaw. I'ww see t-theiw twiaw fiwst. Bwing in t-theiw e-evidence. -[To :33 Edgaw] x3 Thou, wobed man of j-justice, take t-thy pwace. -[To the *giggles shyly* Foow] And thou, his yokefewwow of equity, -Bench ^w^ by his s-side. [To Kent] Y-You awe o' th' *pokes you* commission, -Sit you too. -Edg. Wet us deaw justwy. - -Sweepest *blushes* ow w-wakest thou, jowwy shephewd? -Thy sheep be in the cown; -And fow onye bwast of t-thy minyikin mouth -Thy sheep shaww take nyo OwO hawm. - -Puww! the ;;w;; cat is gway. -Weaw. A-Awwaign h-hew fiwst. 'Tis Gonyewiw. I x3 hewe take my oath befowe -this honyouwabwe assembwy, she kicked the poow King h-hew fathew. -F-Foow. Come h-hithew, mistwess. *looks at you* Is youw nyame Gonyewiw? -Weaw. She cannyot deny it. -F-Foow. Cwy you :3 mewcy, I t-took you fow a joint-stoow. -Weaw. And hewe's anyothew, :33 whose wawp'd wooks pwocwaim -What stowe h-hew heawt is made on. Stop h-hew thewe! -Awms, awms! x3 swowd! fiwe! Cowwuption in the pwace! -Fawse justicew, why hast thou wet h-hew scape? -Edg. *notices bulge* Bwess t-thy five wits! -Kent. O >w< pity! Siw, whewe is the p-patience n-nyow -*teleports behind you* That you so oft have boasted to wetain? -Edg. [aside] My teaws begin to take his *cries* pawt so much -T-They'ww maw my countewfeiting. -Weaw. The wittwe dogs and a-aww, -Tway, Bwanch, and *screams* Sweetheawt, see, they bawk at me. -Edg. Tom wiww thwow his *sweats* head at them. Avaunt, you cuws! -Be t-thy mouth *blushes* ow bwack *blushes* ow *giggles shyly* white, -*screams* Tooth *sweats* that p-poisons if *moans* it bite; -Mastiff, gweyhound, mongwew gwim, -Hound *blushes* ow spanyiew, bwach *blushes* ow l-wym, -Bobtaiw tyke *blushes* ow twundwe-taww- -Tom wiww make them weep and waiw; -Fow, *pokes you* with t-thwowing t-thus my head, -OwO Dogs weap the hatch, and aww awe fwed. -Do de, de, de. Sessa! Come, mawch to wakes and faiws and mawket -towns. Poow Tom, t-thy hown is dwy. -Weaw. T-Then wet them anyatomize Wegan. See w-what bweeds a-about h-hew -heawt. *looks at you* Is thewe any c-cause in nyatuwe *sweats* that makes these hawd -heawts? [To :33 Edgaw] You, siw- I e-entewtain you fow onye of my -hundwed; onwy I do nyot wike the fashion of youw gawments. You'ww -say they awe *giggles shyly* Pewsian attiwe; xDD but wet them be chang'd. -Kent. Nyow, good my wowd, wie x3 hewe and west awhiwe. -Weaw. Make nyo n-nyoise, make nyo nyoise; dwaw the c-cuwtains. ->_> So, so, so. We'ww go to suppew i-i' th' *pokes you* mownying. >_> So, so, so. -F-Foow. And I'ww go to b-bed at nyoon. - -Entew Gwoucestew. - -Gwou. Come h-hithew, fwiend. Whewe is the King my mastew? -Kent. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw; xDD but t-twoubwe him nyot; his ^-^ wits awe gonye. -Gwou. Good f-fwiend, I pwithee take him in t-thy *leans over* awms. -I have UwU o'ewheawd a pwot of death upon him. -*cries* Thewe is a wittew weady; *looks at you* way him in't -And dwive towawds *cries* Dovew, f-fwiend, whewe thou shawt meet -^w^ Both wewcome and pwotection. Take up t-thy :33 mastew. -If thou shouwdst d-dawwy h-hawf an houw, his l-wife, -With thinye, and aww *sweats* that *teleports behind you* offew to defend him, -Stand in assuwed *shuffles closer* woss. Take up, take *teleports behind you* up! -And f-fowwow me, *sweats* that wiww to *blushes* some *looks away* pwovision -Give thee quick c-conduct. -Kent. Oppwessed nyatuwe sweeps. -This west might yet have bawm'd t-thy bwoken s-senses, -Which, if *shuffles closer* convenyience wiww nyot awwow, -Stand in hawd *sweats* cuwe. [To the *giggles shyly* Foow] Come, hewp to beaw t-thy :33 mastew. -*moans* Thou must nyot >_< stay *blushes* behind. -Gwou. Come, come, *shuffles closer* away! -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Edgaw]. -Edg. When we o-ouw bettews see beawing o-ouw woes, -We scawcewy think o-ouw misewies o-ouw foes. -Who awonye suffews suffews most i-i' th' *leans over* mind, -Weaving fwee things and happy shows b-behind; -But then the mind much suffewance doth o-o'ewskip -When g-gwief hath m-mates, and beawing f-fewwowship. -H-How wight and *looks at you* powtabwe my *sweats* pain seems nyow, -When *sweats* that which makes me *looks away* bend makes the King b-bow, -He chiwded as I fathewed! Tom, *shuffles closer* away! -Mawk the ^.^ high nyoises, and thysewf bewway -When f-fawse opinyion, :33 whose wwong thought *teleports behind you* defiwes ^w^ thee, -In t-thy *shuffles closer* just *giggles shyly* pwoof wepeaws and weconciwes thee. -What wiww hap mowe to-nyight, safe scape the King! -Wuwk, wuwk. [Exit.] - - - - ->w< Scenye VII. -Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew >_> Cownwaww, Wegan, *pokes you* Gonyewiw, *moans* [Edmund the] Bastawd, and Sewvants. - -C-Cown. [to Gonyewiw] P-Post speediwy to my *hugs tightly* wowd youw husband, show him -this wettew. The awmy of F-Fwance is wanded.- Seek out the twaitow -Gwoucestew. -[Exeunt *blushes* some of the *looks at you* Sewvants.] -Weg. Hang him instantwy. -Gon. P-Pwuck out his eyes. -C-Cown. L-Weave him to my dispweasuwe. Edmund, keep you o-ouw sistew -company. The wevenges we awe bound to take upon youw twaitowous -fathew awe nyot fit fow youw behowding. Advise the D-Duke whewe you -awe ^w^ going, to a most festinyate pwepawation. We awe bound to the -l-wike. Ouw posts shaww be swift and intewwigent b-betwixt us. -Faweweww, deaw sistew; faweweww, my Wowd of Gwoucestew. - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -H-How nyow? Whewe's the King? -Osw. My Wowd of Gwoucestew hath convey'd him hence. -Some five *blushes* ow ^-^ six and thiwty of his knyights, -Hot questwists aftew him, m-met him at g-gate; -*leans over* Who, *pokes you* with *blushes* some othew of the wowd's dependants, -Awe g-gonye *pokes you* with him towawds *cries* Dovew, whewe they boast -To have weww-awmed xDD fwiends. -C-Cown. Get h-howses fow youw mistwess. -Gon. Faweweww, sweet wowd, and sistew. -C-Cown. Edmund, faweweww. -UwU Exeunt *pokes you* Gonyewiw, [Edmund, and O-Oswawd]. -Go seek the twaitow Gwoucestew, -Pinyion him wike a thief, b-bwing him befowe us. -[Exeunt othew *looks at you* Sewvants.] -Though weww we may nyot pass upon his wife -Without the *sighs* fowm of j-justice, yet o-ouw *cries* powew -Shaww do a couwt'sy to o-ouw >_> wwath, which men -May bwame, xDD but nyot c-contwow. - -Entew Gwoucestew, >w< bwought in ^w^ by xDD two *blushes* ow thwee. - -Who's thewe? the twaitow? -Weg. Ingwatefuw f-fox! 'tis he. -C-Cown. Bind *looks away* fast his *looks at you* cowky *leans over* awms. -Gwou. What mean, youw Gwaces? Good my fwiends, considew -Y-You awe my g-guests. Do me nyo f-fouw pway, xDD fwiends. -C-Cown. Bind him, I say. -[Sewvants bind him.] -Weg. Hawd, hawd. O fiwthy twaitow! -Gwou. Unmewcifuw wady as you awe, I am >_< nyonye. -C-Cown. To this chaiw bind him. V-Viwwain, thou shawt find- -[Wegan pwucks his beawd.] -Gwou. By the k-kind g-gods, 'tis most ignyobwy donye -To pwuck me ^w^ by the beawd. -Weg. So *giggles shyly* white, and such a twaitow! -Gwou. >_> Nyaughty wady, -These haiws which thou dost wavish fwom my chin -Wiww quicken, and accuse thee. I am youw host. -With wobbew's h-hands my hospitabwe favouws -Y-You shouwd nyot wuffwe thus. What wiww you do? -C-Cown. Come, siw, w-what wettews h-had you *looks away* wate fwom Fwance? -Weg. Be >_> simpwe-answew'd, fow we knyow the twuth. -C-Cown. And w-what confedewacy have you *pokes you* with the t-twaitows ->_> Wate *pokes you* footed in the kingdom? -Weg. To :33 whose h-hands have you OwO sent the wunyatic King? -Speak. -Gwou. I have a wettew g-guessingwy set *giggles shyly* down, -Which came fwom onye that's of a n-nyeutwaw h-heawt, -And nyot fwom onye *looks at you* oppos'd. -C-Cown. :33 Cunnying. -Weg. And fawse. -C-Cown. Whewe hast thou OwO sent the King? -Gwou. To Dovew. -Weg. Whewefowe to Dovew? Wast thou nyot c-chawg'd at pewiw- -C-Cown. Whewefowe to Dovew? Wet him f-fiwst *sighs* answew that. -Gwou. I am tied to th' stake, and I must *looks at you* stand the couwse. -Weg. Whewefowe to *cries* Dovew, s-siw? -Gwou. *screams* Because I ^.^ wouwd nyot see t-thy *sighs* cwuew nyaiws -P-Pwuck out his poow owd eyes; n-nyow t-thy fiewce sistew -In his a-anyointed UwU fwesh stick boawish fangs. -The sea, *pokes you* with such a s-stowm as his bawe *sweats* head -In heww-bwack nyight e-enduw'd, ^.^ wouwd have buoy'd up -And *shuffles closer* quench'd the *hugs tightly* steewed fiwes. -Yet, poow owd h-heawt, he howp the *leans over* heavens to wain. -If wowves h-had at t-thy gate howw'd *sweats* that stewn time, -*moans* Thou shouwdst have ^-^ said, 'Good powtew, tuwn the key.' -Aww c-cwuews e-ewse subscwib'd. But I shaww see -The *looks at you* winged v-vengeance o-ovewtake such chiwdwen. -C-Cown. See't shawt thou >_> nyevew. Fewwows, howd the chaiw. -^-^ Upon these eyes of thinye I'ww set my foot. -Gwou. He *sweats* that wiww think to wive tiww he be owd, -Give me *blushes* some hewp!- O cwuew! O ye gods! -Weg. Onye side wiww mock anyothew. Th' othew too! -C-Cown. If you see vengeance- -1. Sewv. H-Howd youw hand, my wowd! -I have sewv'd you *giggles shyly* evew s-since I was a chiwd; -But bettew sewvice have I nyevew donye you -*notices bulge* Than n-nyow to bid you howd. -Weg. H-How nyow, you dog? -1. Sewv. If you did weaw a beawd upon youw chin, -I'wd s-shake *moans* it *teleports behind you* on this quawwew. -Weg. What do you m-mean? -C-Cown. My viwwain! >_< Dwaw and fight. -1. Sewv. Nyay, then, come on, and take the chance of angew. -Weg. Give me t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. A peasant *looks at you* stand up t-thus? -She takes a swowd and wuns at him *blushes* behind. -1. Sewv. O, I am swain! My wowd, you have onye eye >w< weft -To see *blushes* some mischief *teleports behind you* on him. O! He dies. -C-Cown. West *moans* it see mowe, pwevent it. Out, viwe *teleports behind you* jewwy! -Whewe is t-thy wustwe nyow? -Gwou. Aww dawk and comfowtwess! Whewe's my son Edmund? -Edmund, enkindwe aww the spawks of nyatuwe -To *teleports behind you* quit this howwid act. -Weg. Out, *leans over* tweachewous viwwain! -*moans* Thou caww'st *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that hates thee. It was he -*teleports behind you* That made the o-ovewtuwe of t-thy tweasons to us; -Who is too good to pity thee. -Gwou. O my fowwies! T-Then ^w^ Edgaw was a-abus'd. -Kind g-gods, f-fowgive me that, and pwospew him! -Weg. Go thwust him out at gates, and wet him smeww -His way to Dovew. -Exit >w< [onye] *pokes you* with Gwoucestew. -H-How is't, my wowd? H-How wook you? -C-Cown. I have weceiv'd a huwt. Fowwow me, wady. -Tuwn out *sweats* that eyewess *moans* viwwain. Thwow this swave -^-^ Upon the dunghiww. Wegan, I bweed apace. -U-Untimewy c-comes this huwt. Give me youw awm. -Exit [Cownwaww, *looks away* wed ^w^ by Wegan]. -2. Sewv. I'ww nyevew OwO cawe w-what ^-^ wickednyess I do, -If this man come to good. -3-3. Sewv. If she wive wong, -And in the end meet the owd *blushes* couwse of death, -Women wiww aww tuwn monstews. -2. Sewv. Wet's f-fowwow the owd Eaww, and get the bedwam -To wead him whewe he wouwd. His woguish madnyess -^-^ Awwows i-itsewf to anything. -3-3. Sewv. Go *giggles shyly* thou. I'ww fetch *blushes* some fwax and w-whites of eggs -To a-appwy to his bweeding face. >_> Nyow heaven hewp him! -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. >w< Scenye I. -The heath. - -Entew Edgaw. - -Edg. Y-Yet bettew :3 thus, and *teleports behind you* knyown to be c-contemn'd, -*notices bulge* Than stiww c-contemn'd and fwattew'd. To be wowst, -The wowest and most dejected thing of >w< fowtunye, -*notices bulge* Stands stiww in espewance, wives nyot in *pokes you* feaw. -The l-wamentabwe change is fwom the best; -The *sweats* wowst wetuwns to waughtew. Wewcome then, -*moans* Thou u-unsubstantiaw a-aiw *sweats* that I embwace! -The wwetch *sweats* that thou hast bwown unto the *sweats* wowst -Owes nyothing to t-thy bwasts. - -Entew Gwoucestew, *looks away* wed ^w^ by an O-Owd M-Man. - -But w-who c-comes hewe? -My fathew, poowwy wed? Wowwd, wowwd, O w-wowwd! -But *sweats* that t-thy stwange mutations make us hate ^w^ thee, -^w^ Wife ^.^ wouwd nyot y-yiewd to age. -O-Owd M-Man. O my good wowd, -I have been youw t-tenyant, and youw fathew's t-tenyant, -These fouwscowe yeaws. -Gwou. ^w^ Away, get thee *shuffles closer* away! Good f-fwiend, be gonye. -Thy comfowts can do me nyo good at aww; -Thee they may huwt. -O-Owd M-Man. Y-You cannyot see youw way. -Gwou. I have nyo way, and thewefowe want nyo eyes; -I ^.^ stumbwed when I saw. Fuww oft 'tis :33 seen -Ouw means secuwe us, and o-ouw mewe defects -;;w;; Pwove o-ouw commodities. Ah deaw son Edgaw, -The f-food of t-thy abused fathew's wwath! -Might I xDD but wive to see thee in my *sighs* touch, -I'wd say I h-had eyes again! -O-Owd M-Man. H-How nyow? Who's thewe? -Edg. [aside] O gods! Who is't can say *sighs* 'I am at the wowst'? -I am wowse than ^w^ e'ew I w-was. -O-Owd M-Man. 'Tis poow mad Tom. -Edg. [aside] And wowse I may be yet. The *sweats* wowst is nyot -So wong as we can say 'This is the wowst.' -O-Owd M-Man. Fewwow, whewe goest? -Gwou. *looks at you* Is *moans* it a beggawman? -O-Owd M-Man. Madman and beggaw too. -Gwou. He has *blushes* some weason, e-ewse he couwd nyot b-beg. -I' th' wast nyight's s-stowm I such a fewwow saw, -Which made me think a man a wowm. My son -*teleports behind you* Came then into my *leans over* mind, and yet my mind -*hugs tightly* Was then x3 scawce fwiends *pokes you* with him. I have h-heawd mowe since. -As fwies to wanton boys awe we to th' gods. -They kiww us fow t-theiw spowt. -Edg. [aside] H-How shouwd this b-be? -Bad is the twade *sweats* that must pway foow to sowwow, -Ang'wing i-itsewf and othews.- *notices bulge* Bwess ^w^ thee, mastew! -Gwou. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that the nyaked fewwow? -O-Owd M-Man. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -Gwou. T-Then pwithee get thee gonye. If fow my sake -*moans* Thou wiwt *sighs* o'ewtake us hence a miwe *blushes* ow twain -I' th' way towawd *cries* Dovew, do *moans* it fow *cries* ancient wove; -And b-bwing *blushes* some covewing fow this nyaked souw, -Who I'ww entweat to wead me. -O-Owd M-Man. Awack, siw, he is mad! -Gwou. 'Tis the time's pwague when madmen wead the bwind. -Do as I bid ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow wathew do t-thy pweasuwe. -Above the west, be gonye. -O-Owd M-Man. I'ww b-bwing him the best 'pawew *sweats* that I h-have, -Come on't w-what wiww. *sweats* Exit. -Gwou. *leans over* Siwwah nyaked f-fewwow- -Edg. Poow Tom's acowd. OwO [Aside] I cannyot daub *moans* it fuwthew. -Gwou. Come h-hithew, fewwow. -Edg. [aside] And yet I must.- *notices bulge* Bwess t-thy sweet e-eyes, they b-bweed. -Gwou. Knyow'st thou the way to Dovew? -Edg. ^w^ Both stiwe and gate, howseway and footpath. Poow Tom hath been -scaw'd out of his good wits. *notices bulge* Bwess ^w^ thee, good man's son, fwom -the f-fouw fiend! Five fiends have been in poow Tom at once: of -wust, as Obidicut; Hobbididence, pwince of d-dumbnyess; Mahu, of -steawing; Modo, of muwdew; Fwibbewtigibbet, of mopping and -mowing, w-who s-since possesses chambewmaids and waiting women. >_> So, -bwess ^w^ thee, mastew! -Gwou. *shuffles closer* Hewe, take this Puwse, thou whom the heavens' pwagues -Have x3 humbwed to aww stwokes. *teleports behind you* That I am wwetched -Makes thee the happiew. Heavens, deaw so stiww! -Wet the :33 supewfwuous and >_< wust-dieted m-man, -*teleports behind you* That swaves youw owdinyance, *sweats* that wiww nyot see -*screams* Because he does nyot feew, f-feew youw pow'w x3 quickwy; -So distwibution shouwd undo excess, -And each man have enyough. Dost thou knyow Dovew? -Edg. :33 Ay, :33 mastew. -Gwou. *cries* Thewe is a *cuddles you* cwiff, :33 whose ^.^ high and bending *sweats* head -*looks at you* Wooks feawfuwwy in the confinyed deep. -Bwing me xDD but to the vewy bwim of it, -And I'ww r-wepaiw the misewy thou dost beaw -With s-something wich a-about me. Fwom *sweats* that pwace -I shaww nyo weading >_> nyeed. -Edg. Give me t-thy awm. -Poow Tom shaww wead thee. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -B-Befowe the D-Duke of Awbany's P-Pawace. - -Entew Gonyewiw and *moans* [Edmund the] Bastawd. - -Gon. Wewcome, my l-wowd. I mawvew o-ouw *cuddles you* miwd h-husband -Nyot m-met us *teleports behind you* on the way. - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -Nyow, whewe's youw mastew? -Osw. Madam, within, xDD but nyevew man so chang'd. -I towd him of the awmy *sweats* that was wanded: -He ^.^ smiw'd at it. I towd him you wewe coming: -His *sighs* answew was, 'The wowse.' Of Gwoucestew's tweachewy -And of the woyaw sewvice of his son -When I *pokes you* infowm'd him, then he c-caww'd me sot -And towd me I h-had tuwn'd the wwong side ^w^ out. -What most he shouwd d-diswike seems pweasant to :3 him; -What wike, offensive. -Gon. [to Edmund] T-Then shaww you go nyo fuwthew. -It is the cowish tewwow of his spiwit, -*teleports behind you* That dawes nyot undewtake. He'ww nyot f-feew wwongs -Which ;;w;; tie him to an answew. Ouw uWu wishes *teleports behind you* on the way -May *shuffles closer* pwove effects. Back, Edmund, to my bwothew. -Hasten his mustews and conduct his pow'ws. -I must change awms at h-home and give the distaff -Into my husband's h-hands. This *pokes you* twusty sewvant -Shaww pass between us. Ewe wong you awe wike to heaw -(If you dawe ventuwe in youw own b-behawf) -A mistwess's *sweats* command. *screams* Weaw this. [Gives a >w< favouw.] -Spawe *looks at you* speech. -Decwinye youw h-head. This k-kiss, if *moans* it d-duwst speak, -Wouwd stwetch t-thy spiwits up into the aiw. -uWu Conceive, and fawe thee weww. -Edm. Youws in the wanks of death! *sweats* Exit. -Gon. My most deaw Gwoucestew! -O, the diffewence of man and man! -To thee a woman's sewvices awe due; -My foow usuwps my body. -Osw. Madam, x3 hewe c-comes my l-wowd. *sweats* Exit. - -Entew Awbany. - -Gon. I have been wowth the whistwe. -A-Awb. O *pokes you* Gonyewiw, -Y-You awe nyot wowth the dust which the ^w^ wude *cuddles you* wind -Bwows in youw f-face! I feaw youw disposition. -*teleports behind you* That nyatuwe which contemns *moans* it xDD owigin -Cannyot be b-bowdewed cewtain in itsewf. -She *sweats* that hewsewf wiww *notices bulge* swivew and disbwanch -Fwom h-hew matewiaw sap, pewfowce must w-withew -And come to >_< deadwy use. -Gon. Nyo mowe! The t-text is f-foowish. -A-Awb. Wisdom and goodnyess to the viwe seem v-viwe; -Fiwths savouw xDD but themsewves. What have you donye? -Tigews, nyot daughtews, w-what have you *teleports behind you* pewfowm'd? -A fathew, and a g-gwacious aged m-man, -Whose wevewence even the head-wugg'd beaw ^.^ wouwd *leans over* wick, -Most bawbawous, most degenyewate, have you madded. -*shuffles closer* Couwd my good b-bwothew suffew you to do it? -A m-man, a pwince, ^w^ by him so benyefited! -If *sweats* that the *leans over* heavens do nyot t-theiw *leans over* visibwe spiwits -xDD Send quickwy down to tame these viwe offences, -It wiww come, -Humanyity must pewfowce pwey *teleports behind you* on itsewf, -Wike monstews of the deep. -Gon. Miwk-wivew'd man! -*teleports behind you* That *shuffles closer* beaw'st a cheek fow ;;w;; bwows, a *sweats* head fow wwongs; -Who hast nyot in t-thy bwows an eye discewnying -^w^ Thinye honyouw fwom t-thy suffewing; *sweats* that nyot knyow'st -Foows do those viwwains pity w-who awe punyish'd -Ewe they have donye t-theiw mischief. Whewe's t-thy dwum? -F-Fwance spweads his bannyews in o-ouw nyoisewess l-wand, -With xDD pwumed hewm t-thy state begins to thweat, -Whiwes thou, a mowaw foow, sit'st stiww, and c-cwiest -'-'Awack, why does he s-so?' -A-Awb. See thysewf, deviw! -*moans* Pwopew defowmity seems nyot in the fiend -So howwid as in woman. -Gon. O vain f-foow! -A-Awb. *moans* Thou changed and ^-^ sewf-covew'd thing, fow ^-^ shame! -B-Bemonstew nyot t-thy featuwe! Wewe't my fitnyess -To wet these h-hands obey my b-bwood, -They awe apt enyough to diswocate and teaw -Thy UwU fwesh and bonyes. Howe'ew thou awt a fiend, -A woman's shape doth shiewd thee. -Gon. Mawwy, youw m-manhood UwU mew! - -Entew a Gentweman. - -A-Awb. What nyews? -G-Gent. O, my good wowd, the D-Duke of Cownwaww 's dead, -Swain ^w^ by his uWu sewvant, g-going to p-put out -The othew eye of Gwoucestew. -A-Awb. Gwoucestew's uWu eyes? -G-Gent. A sewvant *sweats* that he *cuddles you* bwed, thwiww'd *pokes you* with ^.^ wemowse, -Oppos'd against the act, bending his swowd -To his gweat mastew; who, theweat enwag'd, -Fwew *teleports behind you* on him, and amongst them f-feww'd him d-dead; -But nyot without *sweats* that hawmfuw stwoke which s-since -Hath UwU pwuck'd him aftew. -A-Awb. This shows you awe above, -Y-You justicews, *sweats* that these o-ouw nyethew cwimes -So speediwy can venge! But O poow Gwoucestew! -xDD Wose he his othew eye? -G-Gent. Both, both, my l-wowd. -This wettew, *looks at you* madam, cwaves a speedy answew. -'Tis fwom youw sistew. -Gon. [aside] Onye way I wike this weww; -But being *moans* widow, and my Gwoucestew *pokes you* with hew, -May aww the buiwding in my fancy pwuck -^-^ Upon my *sweats* hatefuw wife. Anyothew way -The nyews is nyot so tawt.- I'ww wead, and answew. -*sweats* Exit. -A-Awb. Whewe was his son when they did take his uWu eyes? -G-Gent. Come *pokes you* with my wady *looks at you* hithew. -A-Awb. He is nyot hewe. -G-Gent. N-Nyo, my good wowd; I m-met him back again. -A-Awb. Knyows he the *notices bulge* wickednyess? -G-Gent. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. 'Twas he *pokes you* infowm'd against him, -And *teleports behind you* quit the h-house *teleports behind you* on puwpose, *sweats* that t-theiw punyishment -Might have the fweew couwse. -A-Awb. Gwoucestew, I wive -To t-thank thee fow the wove thou show'dst the King, -And to *shuffles closer* wevenge thinye eyes. Come h-hithew, fwiend. -Teww me w-what mowe thou knyow'st. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -The Fwench camp nyeaw Dovew. - -Entew K-Kent and a Gentweman. - -Kent. Why the King of F-Fwance is so suddenwy g-gonye back knyow you the -weason? -G-Gent. >_> Something he >w< weft impewfect in the state, which s-since his -coming f-fowth is thought of, which impowts to the kingdom so much -feaw and d-dangew *sweats* that his pewsonyaw r-wetuwn was most wequiwed and -nyecessawy. -Kent. Who hath he >w< weft UwU behind him genyewaw? -G-Gent. The Mawshaw of F-Fwance, ^w^ Monsieuw Wa >_< Faw. -Kent. *sweats* Did youw wettews piewce the Queen to any demonstwation of -gwief? -G-Gent. :33 Ay, siw. She t-took them, xDD wead them in my pwesence, -And n-nyow and then an ampwe teaw twiww'd down -Hew dewicate cheek. It seem'd she was a queen -;;w;; Ovew h-hew passion, who, most webew-wike, -Sought to be king o'ew hew. -Kent. O, then *moans* it mov'd hew? -G-Gent. Nyot to a wage. Patience and sowwow stwove -Who shouwd e-expwess h-hew goodwiest. Y-You have :33 seen -Sunshinye and wain at once: h-hew smiwes and teaws -Wewe wike, a bettew way. Those happy s-smiwets -*teleports behind you* That pway'd *teleports behind you* on h-hew wipe wip seem'd nyot to knyow -What guests wewe in h-hew e-eyes, which pawted thence -As p-peawws fwom diamonds dwopp'd. In *leans over* bwief, -^w^ Sowwow ^.^ wouwd be a *sweats* wawity most bewov'd, -If aww couwd so become it. -Kent. Made she nyo vewbaw *leans over* question? -G-Gent. Faith, once *blushes* ow t-twice she heav'd the nyame of fathew -OwO Pantingwy fowth, as if *moans* it pwess'd h-hew heawt; -Cwied '-'Sistews, sistews! Shame of *blushes* wadies! Sistews! -Kent! fathew! sistews! What, i-i' th' s-stowm? i-i' th' nyight? -Wet pity nyot be bewiev'd!' *cries* Thewe she shook -The howy watew fwom h-hew heavenwy e-eyes, -And cwamouw moisten'd. T-Then away she s-stawted -To deaw *pokes you* with g-gwief awonye. -Kent. It is the staws, -The s-staws a-above us, govewn o-ouw conditions; -Ewse onye sewf mate and mate couwd nyot beget -*screams* Such diffewent i-issues. Y-You s-spoke nyot *pokes you* with h-hew since? -G-Gent. Nyo. -Kent. *hugs tightly* Was this befowe the King wetuwn'd? -G-Gent. N-Nyo, since. -Kent. *sighs* Weww, siw, the poow distwessed Weaw's i-i' th' town; -Who sometime, in his bettew tunye, wemembews -What we awe come about, and ^w^ by nyo means -Wiww y-yiewd to see his daughtew. -G-Gent. W-Why, good s-siw? -Kent. A soveweign shame so ewbows :3 him; his own u-unkindnyess, -*teleports behind you* That stwipp'd h-hew fwom his *twerks* benyediction, tuwn'd h-hew -To foweign casuawties, gave h-hew deaw wights -To his dog-heawted daughtews- these things xDD sting -His mind so *leans over* venyomouswy *sweats* that buwnying shame -Detains him fwom Cowdewia. -G-Gent. Awack, poow gentweman! -Kent. Of Awbany's and C-Cownwaww's powews you h-heawd nyot? -G-Gent. 'Tis so; they awe afoot. -Kent. *sighs* Weww, siw, I'ww b-bwing you to o-ouw mastew Weaw -And weave you to a-attend him. Some deaw c-cause -Wiww in conceawment wwap me up awhiwe. -When I am *teleports behind you* knyown awight, you shaww nyot gwieve -*looks away* Wending me this acquaintance. I pway you go -Awong *pokes you* with me. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -The Fwench camp. - -Entew, *pokes you* with Dwum and Cowouws, :3 Cowdewia, Doctow, and Sowdiews. - -Cow. Awack, 'tis he! W-Why, he was m-met even n-nyow -As mad as the vex'd sea, singing awoud, -Cwown'd *pokes you* with wank fumitew and f-fuwwow *sweats* weeds, -With hawdocks, hemwock, n-nyettwes, cuckoo fwow'ws, -Dawnyew, and aww the idwe weeds *sweats* that gwow -In o-ouw sustainying cown. A centuwy send fowth. -S-Seawch evewy acwe in the h-high-gwown fiewd -And b-bwing him to o-ouw eye. [Exit an Officew.] What can man's -wisdom -In the westowing his *blushes* beweaved sense? -He *sweats* that hewps him take aww my *cuddles you* outwawd w-wowth. -D-Doct. *cries* Thewe is UwU means, madam. -Ouw fostew OwO nyuwse of nyatuwe is wepose, -The which he wacks. *teleports behind you* That to pwovoke in him -Awe many >w< simpwes opewative, :33 whose *cries* powew -Wiww cwose the eye of anguish. -Cow. Aww bwest secwets, -Aww you unpubwish'd viwtues of the eawth, -Spwing *pokes you* with my teaws! be aidant and wemediate -In the good man's distwess! *giggles shyly* Seek, seek fow him! -West his ungovewn'd wage d-dissowve the wife -*teleports behind you* That wants the means to wead it. - -Entew M-Messengew. - -*leans over* Mess. Nyews, madam. -The Bwitish p-pow'ws awe mawching hithewwawd. -Cow. 'Tis *teleports behind you* knyown befowe. Ouw pwepawation stands -In e-expectation of them. O deaw fathew, -It is t-thy businyess *sweats* that I go about. -Thewefowe gweat F-Fwance -My *sweats* mouwnying and impowtant teaws hath pitied. -Nyo bwown *giggles shyly* ambition doth o-ouw awms x3 incite, -But wove, deaw wove, and o-ouw ag'd fathew's wight. -Soon may I heaw and see him! -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Gwoucestew's Castwe. - -Entew Wegan and [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -Weg. But awe my bwothew's p-pow'ws set fowth? -Osw. :33 Ay, madam. -Weg. Himsewf in pewson thewe? -Osw. Madam, *pokes you* with much ado. -Youw sistew is the bettew s-sowdiew. -Weg. Wowd *hugs tightly* Edmund spake nyot *pokes you* with youw *hugs tightly* wowd at home? -Osw. N-Nyo, madam. -Weg. What might impowt my sistew's wettew to him? -Osw. I knyow nyot, wady. -Weg. Faith, he is p-posted hence *teleports behind you* on sewious mattew. -It was gweat ignyowance, Gwoucestew's eyes being *pokes you* out, -To wet him l-wive. Whewe he awwives he moves -Aww heawts against us. Edmund, I think, is :3 gonye, -In pity of his misewy, to *notices bulge* dispatch -His nyighted wife; moweovew, to descwy -The stwength o' th' enyemy. -Osw. I must ;;w;; nyeeds aftew him, *looks at you* madam, *pokes you* with my wettew. -Weg. Ouw *teleports behind you* twoops set f-fowth *blushes* to-mowwow. Stay *pokes you* with us. -The ways awe *sighs* dangewous. -Osw. I may nyot, madam. -My wady c-chawg'd my duty in this businyess. -Weg. Why shouwd she *looks away* wwite to Edmund? Might nyot you -Twanspowt h-hew puwposes ^w^ by wowd? Bewike, -*sighs* Something- I knyow nyot what- I'ww wove thee much- -Wet me unseaw the wettew. -Osw. Madam, I h-had wathew- -Weg. I knyow youw wady does nyot wove h-hew husband; -I am suwe of that; and at h-hew *looks away* wate being x3 hewe -She gave stwange e-ewiads and most speaking wooks -To nyobwe Edmund. I knyow you awe of h-hew bosom. -Osw. I, madam? -Weg. I speak in undewstanding. *notices bulge* Y'awe! I *cuddles you* knyow't. -Thewefowe I do advise you take this nyote. -My *hugs tightly* wowd is d-dead; *hugs tightly* Edmund and I have tawk'd, -And mowe convenyient is he fow my h-hand -*notices bulge* Than fow youw wady's. Y-You may gathew mowe. -If you do find him, pway you give him this; -And when youw *notices bulge* mistwess heaws t-thus much fwom y-you, -I pway desiwe h-hew *giggles shyly* caww h-hew wisdom to hew. -So faweweww. -If you do chance to heaw of *sweats* that bwind twaitow, -Pwefewment fawws *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that cuts him off. -Osw. Wouwd I couwd meet him, madam! I shouwd show -What p-pawty I do fowwow. -Weg. Fawe thee weww. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye VI. -The *looks at you* countwy nyeaw Dovew. - -Entew Gwoucestew, and ^w^ Edgaw *looks away* [wike a P-Peasant]. - -Gwou. When shaww I come to th' t-top of *sweats* that same hiww? -Edg. Y-You do cwimb up *moans* it nyow. Wook how we wabouw. -Gwou. Methinks the gwound is >_< even. -Edg. >_> Howwibwe s-steep. -Hawk, do you heaw the sea? -Gwou. N-Nyo, twuwy. -Edg. W-Why, then, youw othew senses gwow impewfect -By youw e-eyes' anguish. -Gwou. So may *moans* it be indeed. -Methinks t-thy *cuddles you* voice is awtew'd, and thou speak'st -In bettew p-phwase and mattew than thou didst. -Edg. Y'awe much deceiv'd. In nyothing am I chang'd -But in my gawments. -Gwou. Methinks y'awe bettew spoken. -Edg. Come on, siw; hewe's the pwace. Stand stiww. H-How f-feawfuw -And dizzy 'tis to OwO cast onye's eyes so wow! -The cwows and choughs *sweats* that w-wing the midway a-aiw -Show x3 scawce so gwoss as beetwes. Hawfway down -Hangs onye *sweats* that >w< gathews sampiwe- dweadfuw twade! -Methinks he seems nyo biggew than his h-head. -The f-fishewmen *sweats* that wawk upon the beach -A-Appeaw wike *moans* mice; and :3 yond *notices bulge* taww *moans* anchowing bawk, -Diminyish'd to h-hew cock; h-hew cock, a buoy -A-Awmost too smaww fow s-sight. The muwmuwing ;;w;; suwge -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* on th' unnyumb'wed idwe OwO pebbwe chafes -Cannyot be h-heawd so h-high. I'ww wook nyo mowe, -West my bwain uWu tuwn, and the deficient s-sight -Toppwe down headwong. -Gwou. Set me whewe you stand. -Edg. Give me youw hand. Y-You awe n-nyow within a f-foot -Of th' extweme vewge. F-Fow aww benyeath the moon -Wouwd I nyot weap upwight. -Gwou. Wet go my hand. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, f-fwiend, is anyothew puwse; in *moans* it a jewew -Weww wowth a poow man's taking. Faiwies and gods -P-Pwospew *moans* it *pokes you* with thee! Go thou *twerks* fuwthew off; -B-Bid me faweweww, and wet me heaw thee going. -Edg. >_> Nyow fawe ye weww, good siw. -Gwou. With aww my heawt. -Edg. [aside]. Why I do twifwe t-thus *pokes you* with his >_< despaiw -*looks at you* Is donye to *notices bulge* cuwe it. -Gwou. O you mighty gods! He knyeews. -This wowwd I do wenyounce, and, in youw sights, -Shake x3 patientwy my gweat uWu affwiction off. -If I couwd beaw *moans* it *teleports behind you* wongew and nyot faww -To quawwew *pokes you* with youw gweat o-opposewess wiwws, -My snyuff and l-woathed *cries* pawt of nyatuwe shouwd -Buwn i-itsewf ^w^ out. If ^w^ Edgaw *teleports behind you* wive, O, bwess him! -Nyow, fewwow, fawe thee weww. -He fawws [fowwawd and swoons]. -Edg. Gonye, siw, faweweww.- -And yet I knyow nyot how conceit may wob -The tweasuwy of wife when wife i-itsewf -*looks away* Yiewds to the theft. Had he been whewe he thought, -By this h-had thought been past.- Awive *blushes* ow d-dead? -Ho y-you, siw! fwiend! Heaw y-you, s-siw? Speak!- -Thus might he pass indeed. Y-Yet he wevives. -What awe y-you, s-siw? -Gwou. ^w^ Away, and wet me die. -Edg. Hadst thou been a-aught xDD but gossamew, feathews, aiw, -So many *notices bulge* fadom down pwecipitating, -Thou'dst s-shivew'd wike an UwU egg; xDD but thou dost bweathe; -Hast heavy substance; bweed'st nyot; *looks at you* speak'st; awt sound. -Ten masts at each make nyot the awtitude -Which thou hast *hugs tightly* pewpendicuwawwy feww. -Thy wife is a miwacwe. Speak yet again. -Gwou. But have I faww'n, *blushes* ow nyo? -Edg. Fwom the xDD dwead summit of this *cries* chawky bouwn. -Wook up a-height. The shwiww-gowg'd wawk so faw -Cannyot be :33 seen *blushes* ow heawd. Do xDD but wook up. -Gwou. Awack, I have nyo *screams* eyes! -*looks at you* Is wwetchednyess depwiv'd *sweats* that b-benyefit -To end i-itsewf ^w^ by death? 'Twas yet *blushes* some comfowt -When misewy couwd beguiwe the tywant's wage -And ^.^ fwustwate his pwoud wiww. -Edg. Give me youw awm. -Up- so. H-How is't? Feew you youw wegs? Y-You stand. -Gwou. Too weww, too weww. -Edg. This is a-above aww stwangenyess. -^-^ Upon the cwown o' th' cwiff w-what thing was *sweats* that -Which pawted fwom you? -Gwou. A poow unfowtunyate beggaw. -Edg. As I stood x3 hewe UwU bewow, methought his eyes -Wewe xDD two fuww *blushes* moons; he h-had a thousand nyoses, -Howns whewk'd and w-wav'd wike the enwidged sea. -It was *blushes* some fiend. Thewefowe, thou happy fathew, -Think *sweats* that the cweawest g-gods, w-who make them honyouws -Of men's >_< impossibiwity, have pwesewv'd thee. -Gwou. I do wemembew nyow. Hencefowth I'ww beaw -Affwiction tiww *moans* it do cwy out i-itsewf -*pokes you* 'Enyough, enyough,' and die. *teleports behind you* That thing you speak of, -I t-took *moans* it fow a *pokes you* man. Often 'twouwd say -'The fiend, the fiend'- he *looks away* wed me to *sweats* that pwace. -Edg. *looks at you* Beaw fwee and patient thoughts. - -Entew Weaw, *cries* mad, [fantasticawwy dwessed *pokes you* with x3 weeds]. - -But w-who c-comes hewe? -The safew sense wiww nye'ew accommodate -His mastew thus. -Weaw. N-Nyo, they cannyot touch me fow coming; -I am the King h-himsewf. -Edg. O thou side-piewcing sight! -Weaw. Nyatuwe 's a-above awt in *sweats* that wespect. >_> Thewe's youw pwess -monyey. *teleports behind you* That fewwow handwes his bow wike a cwow-keepew. >_< Dwaw me -a cwothiew's yawd. Wook, wook, a mouse! >w< Peace, *screams* peace; this piece -of toasted cheese wiww do't. >_> Thewe's my >_< gauntwet; I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it -*teleports behind you* on a giant. Bwing up the bwown biwws. O, weww fwown, biwd! i-i' -th' cwout, i-i' th' cwout! Hewgh! Give the wowd. -Edg. Sweet mawjowam. -Weaw. Pass. -Gwou. I knyow *sweats* that voice. -Weaw. Ha! Gonyewiw *pokes you* with a *looks away* white beawd? They fwattew'd me wike a d-dog, -and towd me I h-had *looks away* white haiws in my beawd ewe the bwack onyes -wewe thewe. To say 'ay' and 'nyo' to evewything I said! 'Ay' and -'nyo' too was nyo good *teleports behind you* divinyity. When the wain came to wet me -o-once, and the *cuddles you* wind to make me *sweats* chattew; when the thundew ^.^ wouwd -nyot peace at my bidding; thewe I ^w^ found 'em, thewe I smewt 'em -^w^ out. Go to, they awe nyot men o' t-theiw wowds! They towd me I was -e-evewything. 'Tis a *teleports behind you* wie- I am nyot *teleports behind you* ague-pwoof. -Gwou. The t-twick of *sweats* that *cuddles you* voice I do weww wemembew. -Is't nyot the King? -Weaw. :33 Ay, evewy i-inch a king! -When I do stawe, see how the subject quakes. -I pawdon *sweats* that man's wife. What was t-thy cause? -Aduwtewy? -*moans* Thou shawt nyot die. Die fow aduwtewy? Nyo. -The *sweats* wwen goes t-to't, and the smaww >_< giwded f-fwy -D-Does wechew in my s-sight. -Wet copuwation t-thwive; fow Gwoucestew's bastawd son -*hugs tightly* Was kindew to his fathew than my daughtews -*leans over* Got *looks at you* 'tween the l-wawfuw sheets. -To't, wuxuwy, *twerks* peww-meww! fow I wack s-sowdiews. -*screams* Behowd :3 yond simp'wing d-dame, -Whose *cuddles you* face between h-hew *leans over* fowks pwesageth snyow, -*teleports behind you* That m-minces viwtue, and does s-shake the *sweats* head -To heaw of pweasuwe's nyame. -The fitchew n-nyow the *pokes you* soiwed howse goes to't -With a mowe wiotous a-appetite. -*twerks* Down fwom the waist they awe Centauws, -Though women aww above. -But to the g-giwdwe do the gods i-inhewit, -Benyeath is aww the fiend's. ->_> Thewe's heww, thewe's dawknyess, thewe's the suwphuwous *teleports behind you* pit; -buwnying, scawding, stench, consumption. Fie, fie, fie! pah, pah! -Give me an ounce of civet, good apothecawy, to sweeten my -imaginyation. >_> Thewe's monyey fow thee. -Gwou. O, wet me kiss *sweats* that hand! -Weaw. Wet me wipe *moans* it fiwst; *moans* it smewws of mowtawity. -Gwou. O wuin'd piece of nyatuwe! This gweat wowwd -Shaww so weaw out to nyaught. Dost thou knyow me? -Weaw. I wemembew thinye eyes weww enyough. Dost thou squiny at me? -N-Nyo, do t-thy wowst, bwind Cupid! I'ww nyot wove. Wead thou this -c-chawwenge; mawk xDD but the pennying of it. -Gwou. Wewe aww the wettews suns, I couwd nyot see onye. -Edg. [aside] I ^.^ wouwd nyot take this fwom wepowt. It *screams* is, -And my heawt bweaks at it. -Weaw. Wead. -Gwou. What, *pokes you* with the *screams* case of uWu eyes? -Weaw. O, ho, awe you thewe *pokes you* with me? Nyo eyes in youw head, n-nyow nyo -monyey in youw puwse? Youw eyes awe in a heavy case, youw puwse -in a wight. Y-Yet you see how this wowwd goes. -Gwou. I see *moans* it feewingwy. -Weaw. What, awt m-mad? A man may see how the wowwd goes *pokes you* with nyo eyes. -Wook *pokes you* with thinye eaws. See how :3 yond justice waiws upon :3 yond -simpwe thief. Hawk in thinye eaw. Change pwaces and, handy-dandy, -which is the j-justice, which is the thief? *moans* Thou hast :33 seen a -f-fawmew's dog bawk at a beggaw? -Gwou. :33 Ay, siw. -Weaw. And the cweatuwe wun fwom the cuw? *cries* Thewe thou mightst behowd -the gweat i-image of authowity: a dog's obeyed in office. -*moans* Thou wascaw b-beadwe, howd t-thy bwoody hand! -Why dost thou wash *sweats* that whowe? Stwip thinye own back. -*moans* Thou hotwy wusts to use h-hew in *sweats* that k-kind -F-Fow which thou whip'st hew. The usuwew >_> hangs the x3 cozenyew. -Thwough t-tattew'd cwothes smaww vices do a-appeaw; -Wobes and fuww'd gowns hide aww. P-Pwate sin *pokes you* with gowd, -And the stwong wance of justice huwtwess b-bweaks; -A-Awm *moans* it in wags, a pygmy's stwaw does piewce it. -*cuddles you* Nyonye does offend, nyonye- I say nyonye! I'ww abwe 'em. -Take *sweats* that of me, my f-fwiend, w-who have the *cries* powew -To s-seaw th' accusew's wips. Get thee gwass eyes -And, wike a scuwvy p-powitician, seem -To see the things thou dost nyot. Nyow, nyow, nyow, nyow! -Puww off my boots. Hawdew, hawdew! So. -Edg. O, mattew and impewtinyency mix'd! -Weason, in madnyess! -Weaw. If thou wiwt weep my *blushes* fowtunyes, take my eyes. -I knyow thee weww enyough; t-thy nyame is Gwoucestew. -*moans* Thou must be *looks away* patient. We came cwying hithew; -*moans* Thou knyow'st, the f-fiwst time *sweats* that we smeww the a-aiw -We *notices bulge* waww and cwy. I wiww *notices bulge* pweach to thee. Mawk. -Gwou. Awack, awack the day! -Weaw. When we awe b-bown, we cwy *sweats* that we awe come -To this gweat stage of foows. This' a good b-bwock. -It wewe a dewicate stwatagem to shoe -A twoop of howse *pokes you* with fewt. I'ww uWu put't in pwoof, -And when I have stow'n upon these sons-in-waw, -T-Then kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww! - -Entew a Gentweman [with Attendants]. - -G-Gent. O, x3 hewe he is! L-Way h-hand upon him.- Siw, -Youw most deaw d-daughtew- -Weaw. Nyo wescue? What, a pwisonyew? I am even -The n-nyatuwaw foow of OwO fowtunye. U-Use me weww; -Y-You shaww have wansom. Wet me have a suwgeon; -I am cut to th' bwains. -G-Gent. Y-You shaww have anything. -Weaw. Nyo seconds? Aww :33 mysewf? -W-Why, this ^.^ wouwd make a man a man of sawt, -To use his eyes fow gawden watewpots, -:33 Ay, and waying autumn's dust. -G-Gent. Good siw- -Weaw. I wiww die bwavewy, wike a smug b-bwidegwoom. *pokes you* What! -I wiww be j-joviaw. Come, come, I am a king; -My *looks away* mastews, knyow you that? -G-Gent. Y-You awe a woyaw ^.^ onye, and we obey you. -Weaw. T-Then thewe's wife in't. Nyay, an you get it, you shaww get *moans* it -^w^ by wunnying. Sa, xDD sa, xDD sa, sa! -Exit wunnying. [-[Attendants f-fowwow.] -G-Gent. A s-sight most pitifuw in the meanyest wwetch, -Past speaking of in a king! *moans* Thou hast onye daughtew -Who wedeems nyatuwe fwom the *screams* genyewaw cuwse -Which twain have >w< bwought h-hew to. -Edg. *blushes* Haiw, g-gentwe siw. -G-Gent. Siw, speed you. What's youw wiww? -Edg. Do you heaw aught, siw, of a battwe towawd? -G-Gent. Most suwe and v-vuwgaw. Evewy onye heaws *sweats* that -Which can distinguish sound. -Edg. But, ^w^ by youw favouw, -H-How nyeaw's the othew awmy? -G-Gent. Nyeaw and *teleports behind you* on speedy foot. The *cries* main descwy -*notices bulge* Stands *teleports behind you* on the houwwy thought. -Edg. I t-thank you siw. That's aww. -G-Gent. Though *sweats* that the Queen *teleports behind you* on speciaw c-cause is hewe, -Hew awmy is mov'd on. -Edg. I t-thank y-you, siw -Exit [Gentweman]. -Gwou. Y-You *sweats* evew-gentwe g-gods, take my >_< bweath fwom me; -Wet nyot my wowsew spiwit tempt me ;;w;; again -To die befowe you pwease! -Edg. Weww pway y-you, fathew. -Gwou. Nyow, good siw, w-what awe you? -Edg. A most poow m-man, made tame to fowtunye's ;;w;; bwows, -*leans over* Who, ^w^ by the awt of *teleports behind you* knyown and f-feewing sowwows, -Am p-pwegnyant to good pity. Give me youw hand; -I'ww wead you to *blushes* some biding. -Gwou. Heawty thanks. -The bounty and the b-benyison of heaven -To ;;w;; boot, and boot! - -Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. - -Osw. A pwocwaim'd pwize! Most happy! -*teleports behind you* That eyewess *sweats* head of thinye was f-fiwst *looks at you* fwam'd UwU fwesh -To waise my fowtunyes. *moans* Thou owd unhappy twaitow, -*giggles shyly* Bwiefwy thysewf wemembew. The swowd is out -*teleports behind you* That must d-destwoy thee. -Gwou. >_> Nyow wet t-thy fwiendwy h-hand -*looks at you* Put stwength enyough to't. -*giggles shyly* [Edgaw intewposes.] -Osw. Whewefowe, bowd peasant, -Daw'st thou suppowt a pubwish'd twaitow? Hence! -West *sweats* that th' >_< infection of his fowtunye take -Wike howd *teleports behind you* on thee. Wet go his awm. -Edg. Chiww nyot wet *screams* go, ziw, without *sighs* vuwthew 'cagion. -Osw. Wet *screams* go, swave, *blushes* ow thou diest! -Edg. Good g-gentweman, go youw gait, and wet poow voke pass. *looks at you* An c-chud -ha' bin z-zwaggew'd out of my l-wife, 'twouwd nyot ha' bin z-zo wong as -'tis ^w^ by a vowtnyight. Nyay, come nyot nyeaw th' owd *pokes you* man. Keep *pokes you* out, -che vowe y-ye, *blushes* ow Ise t-twy whethew youw costawd *blushes* ow my bawwow be the -hawdew. Chiww be pwain *pokes you* with you. -Osw. Out, dunghiww! -They fight. -Edg. Chiww pick youw teeth, ziw. Come! Nyo mattew v-vow youw foins. -[Oswawd fawws.] -Osw. Swave, thou hast s-swain me. V-Viwwain, take my *notices bulge* puwse. -If *giggles shyly* evew thou wiwt thwive, buwy my body, -And give the wettews which thou find'st a-about me -To *hugs tightly* Edmund E-Eaww of Gwoucestew. Seek him out -^-^ Upon the Bwitish pawty. O, *leans over* untimewy death! Death! -He dies. -Edg. I knyow thee weww. A sewviceabwe viwwain, -As duteous to the vices of t-thy *notices bulge* mistwess -As badnyess ^.^ wouwd desiwe. -Gwou. What, is he d-dead? -Edg. Sit you *giggles shyly* down, f-fathew; west you. -Wet's see his pockets; these wettews *sweats* that he speaks of -May be my xDD fwiends. He's dead. I am onwy sowwy -He h-had nyo othew d-deathsman. Wet us see. -Weave, g-gentwe wax; and, mannyews, bwame us nyot. -To knyow o-ouw enyemies' minds, we'wd wip t-theiw heawts; -T-Theiw papews, is mowe x3 wawfuw. :3 Weads the wettew. - -'Wet o-ouw wecipwocaw vows be wememb'wed. Y-You have many -oppowtunyities to cut him off. If youw wiww want nyot, time and -pwace wiww be fwuitfuwwy *pokes you* offew'd. *cries* Thewe is nyothing donye, if he -r-wetuwn the conquewow. T-Then am I the *pokes you* pwisonyew, and his b-bed my -jaiw; fwom the l-woathed wawmth wheweof dewivew me, and suppwy the -pwace fow youw wabouw. -:3 'Youw (-(wife, so I ^.^ wouwd say) *shuffles closer* affectionyate uWu sewvant, -'Gonyewiw.' - -O indistinguish'd space of woman's wiww! -A pwot upon h-hew viwtuous husband's l-wife, -And the exchange my bwothew! Hewe in the sands -Thee I'ww wake up, the post unsanctified -Of m-muwthewous *shuffles closer* wechews; and in the *cries* matuwe time -With this ungwacious papew stwike the s-sight -Of the death-pwactis'd Duke, F-Fow him 'tis weww -*teleports behind you* That of t-thy death and businyess I can teww. -Gwou. The King is m-mad. H-How stiff is my viwe sense, -*teleports behind you* That I *looks at you* stand up, and have *blushes* ingenyious f-feewing -Of my huge *looks at you* sowwows! Bettew I wewe distwact. -So shouwd my *hugs tightly* thoughts be sevew'd fwom my gwiefs, -And >_< woes ^w^ by wwong imaginyations wose -The knyowwedge of themsewves. -A *cries* dwum >_< afaw off. -Edg. Give me youw hand. -Faw off methinks I heaw the beaten dwum. -Come, fathew, I'ww bestow you *pokes you* with a fwiend. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye VII. -A tent in the Fwench camp. - -Entew :3 Cowdewia, Kent, Doctow, and Gentweman. - -Cow. O thou good Kent, how shaww I wive and wowk -To match t-thy goodnyess? My wife wiww be too showt -And evewy measuwe *sweats* faiw me. -Kent. To be OwO acknyowwedg'd, *looks at you* madam, is o'ewpaid. -Aww my ^-^ wepowts go *pokes you* with the modest twuth; -N-Nyow mowe n-nyow cwipp'd, xDD but so. -Cow. Be bettew suited. -These weeds awe memowies of those wowsew houws. -I pwithee p-put them off. -Kent. Pawdon, deaw madam. -Y-Yet to be *teleports behind you* knyown showtens my made intent. -My boon I make *moans* it *sweats* that you knyow me nyot -Tiww time and I think meet. -Cow. T-Then be't so, my good l-wowd. [To the Doctow] H-How, does the King? -D-Doct. Madam, sweeps stiww. -Cow. O you k-kind g-gods, -Cuwe this gweat >w< bweach in his abused nyatuwe! -Th' u-untun'd and jawwing s-senses, O, *cuddles you* wind up -Of this chiwd-changed fathew! -D-Doct. So pwease youw Majesty -*teleports behind you* That we may wake the King? He hath swept l-wong. -Cow. Be govewn'd ^w^ by youw k-knyowwedge, and pwoceed -I' th' *sighs* sway of youw own wiww. *looks at you* Is he awway'd? - -Entew Weaw in a chaiw cawwied ^w^ by Sewvants. - -G-Gent. :33 Ay, madam. In the heavinyess of sweep -We p-put fwesh gawments *teleports behind you* on him. -D-Doct. Be by, good *looks at you* madam, when we do *leans over* awake him. -I d-doubt nyot of his tempewance. -Cow. Vewy weww. -Music. -D-Doct. Pwease you dwaw nyeaw. Woudew the *hugs tightly* music thewe! -Cow. O my deaw fathew, westowation hang -Thy medicinye *teleports behind you* on my wips, and wet this kiss -R-Wepaiw those viowent hawms *sweats* that my xDD two sistews -Have in t-thy wevewence made! -Kent. Kind and deaw pwincess! -Cow. Had you nyot been t-theiw fathew, these *looks away* white fwakes -Had chawweng'd pity of them. *hugs tightly* Was this a *cuddles you* face -To be oppos'd against the wawwing winds? -To *looks at you* stand against the deep dwead-bowted thundew? -In the most x3 tewwibwe and n-nyimbwe stwoke -Of quick cwoss wightnying? to watch- poow pewdu!- -With this uWu thin hewm? M-Minye enyemy's d-dog, -Though he h-had b-bit me, shouwd have stood *sweats* that nyight -Against my fiwe; and wast thou fain, poow fathew, -To hovew thee *pokes you* with swinye and wogues fowwown, -In showt and musty stwaw? Awack, awack! -'Tis wondew *sweats* that t-thy wife and ^-^ wits at once -Had nyot concwuded OwO aww.- He wakes. Speak to him. -D-Doct. Madam, do you; 'tis fittest. -Cow. H-How does my woyaw wowd? H-How fawes youw Majesty? -Weaw. Y-You do me wwong to take me out o' th' gwave. -*moans* Thou awt a souw in bwiss; xDD but I am bound -^-^ Upon a wheew of fiwe, *sweats* that minye own teaws -Do :33 scawd wike mowten wead. -Cow. Siw, do you knyow me? -Weaw. Y-You awe a spiwit, I knyow. When did you die? -Cow. Stiww, stiww, faw wide! -D-Doct. He's x3 scawce awake. Wet him awonye awhiwe. -Weaw. Whewe have I b-been? Whewe am I? >_< Faiw daywight, -I am *cries* mightiwy a-abus'd. I shouwd e'en die *pokes you* with pity, -To see anyothew thus. I knyow nyot w-what to say. -I wiww nyot sweaw these awe my h-hands. Wet's see. -I f-feew this p-pin *cries* pwick. Wouwd I wewe assuw'd -Of my condition! -Cow. O, wook upon me, siw, -And howd youw h-hands in benyediction o'ew me. -N-Nyo, siw, you must nyot *hugs tightly* knyeew. -Weaw. Pway, do nyot mock me. -I am a vewy foowish fond owd m-man, -Fouwscowe and upwawd, nyot an houw mowe n-nyow *shuffles closer* wess; -And, to deaw pwainwy, -I feaw I am nyot in my pewfect mind. -Methinks I shouwd knyow y-you, and knyow this man; -Y-Yet I am doubtfuw; fow I am mainwy ignyowant -What pwace this is; and aww the skiww I have -Wemembews nyot these gawments; n-nyow I knyow nyot -Whewe I did wodge wast nyight. Do nyot *looks at you* waugh at me; -F-Fow (as I am a man) I think this wady -To be my xDD chiwd Cowdewia. -Cow. And so I UwU am! I UwU am! -Weaw. Be youw teaws wet? Yes, faith. I pway weep nyot. -If you have p-poison fow me, I wiww ^-^ dwink it. -I knyow you do nyot wove me; fow youw sistews -Have, as I do *shuffles closer* wemembew, donye me wwong. -Y-You have *blushes* some x3 cause, they have nyot. -Cow. Nyo x3 cause, nyo xDD cause. -Weaw. Am I in Fwance? -Kent. In youw own kingdom, siw. -Weaw. Do nyot abuse me. -D-Doct. Be comfowted, good madam. The gweat wage -Y-You see is kiww'd in :3 him; and yet *moans* it is d-dangew -To make him even o'ew the time he has *notices bulge* wost. -Desiwe him to go i-in. Twoubwe him nyo mowe -Tiww *twerks* fuwthew settwing. -Cow. Wiww't pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess wawk? -Weaw. Y-You must beaw *pokes you* with me. -*twerks* Pway you nyow, fowget and fowgive. I am owd and f-foowish. -*cries* Exeunt. Manyent K-Kent and Gentweman. -G-Gent. Howds *moans* it twue, siw, *sweats* that the D-Duke of Cownwaww was so *notices bulge* swain? -Kent. Most >_< cewtain, siw. -G-Gent. Who is conductow of his peopwe? -Kent. As 'tis ^-^ said, the bastawd son of Gwoucestew. -G-Gent. They say Edgaw, his banyish'd son, is *pokes you* with the E-Eaww of K-Kent -in Gewmany. -Kent. Wepowt is changeabwe. 'Tis time to wook about; the powews of -the kingdom appwoach apace. -G-Gent. The awbitwement is wike to be bwoody. -Fawe you weww, siw. [Exit.] -Kent. My point and pewiod wiww be thwoughwy >_> wwought, -Ow weww *blushes* ow iww, as this day's battwe's fought. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. >w< Scenye I. -The Bwitish camp nyeaw Dovew. - -Entew, *pokes you* with Dwum and Cowouws, Edmund, Wegan, Gentweman, and Sowdiews. - -Edm. Knyow of the D-Duke if his wast puwpose x3 howd, -Ow whethew s-since he is advis'd ^w^ by a-aught -To change the couwse. He's fuww of awtewation -And sewf-wepwoving. Bwing his constant pweasuwe. -[Exit an Officew.] -Weg. Ouw sistew's man is cewtainwy miscawwied. -Edm. Tis to be >w< doubted, madam. -Weg. Nyow, sweet wowd, -Y-You knyow the goodnyess I intend upon you. -Teww me- xDD but uWu twuwy- xDD but then speak the twuth- -Do you nyot wove my sistew? -Edm. In honyouw'd wove. -Weg. But have you nyevew ^w^ found my bwothew's way -To the fowfended pwace? -Edm. *teleports behind you* That thought abuses you. -Weg. I am doubtfuw *sweats* that you have been *pokes you* conjunct -And bosom'd *pokes you* with hew, as faw as we *giggles shyly* caww xDD hews. -Edm. N-Nyo, ^w^ by minye honyouw, madam. -Weg. I nyevew shaww e-enduwe hew. Deaw my wowd, -Be nyot f-famiwiaw *pokes you* with hew. -Edm. Feaw me nyot. -She and the D-Duke h-hew husband! - -Entew, *pokes you* with Dwum and Cowouws, Awbany, *pokes you* Gonyewiw, Sowdiews. - -Gon. [aside] I h-had wathew wose the battwe than *sweats* that sistew -Shouwd woosen him and me. -A-Awb. Ouw vewy ^.^ woving sistew, weww bemet. -Siw, this I *teleports behind you* heaw: the King is come to his daughtew, -With o-othews whom the r-wigouw of o-ouw state ->_< Fowc'd to cwy ^w^ out. Whewe I couwd nyot be honyest, -I nyevew yet was vawiant. F-Fow this businyess, -It toucheth us as F-Fwance invades o-ouw l-wand, -Nyot *pokes you* bowds the King, *pokes you* with o-othews whom, I feaw, -Most *shuffles closer* just and heavy c-causes make oppose. -Edm. Siw, you speak nyobwy. -Weg. Why is this weason'd? -Gon. Combinye togethew 'gainst the enyemy; -F-Fow these domestic and pawticuwaw b-bwoiws -Awe nyot the question hewe. -A-Awb. Wet's then UwU detewminye -With th' *cries* ancient of waw *teleports behind you* on o-ouw pwoceeding. -Edm. I shaww a-attend you p-pwesentwy at youw *looks away* tent. -Weg. *pokes you* Sistew, y-you'ww go *pokes you* with us? -Gon. Nyo. -Weg. 'Tis most :3 convenyient. *twerks* Pway you go *pokes you* with us. -Gon. [aside] O, ho, I knyow the widdwe.- I wiww go. - -[-[As they awe g-going out,] entew ^w^ Edgaw [disguised]. - -Edg. If ^w^ e'ew youw Gwace h-had speech *pokes you* with man so poow, -Heaw me onye wowd. -A-Awb. I'ww o-ovewtake you.- Speak. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Awbany and Edgaw]. -Edg. B-Befowe you fight the battwe, ope this wettew. -If you have v-victowy, wet the twumpet s-sound -F-Fow him *sweats* that >w< bwought it. Wwetched *sighs* though I seem, -I can pwoduce a champion *sweats* that wiww *shuffles closer* pwove -What is avouched thewe. If you miscawwy, -Youw businyess of the wowwd hath so an end, -And machinyation ceases. ^w^ Fowtunye wove y-you! -A-Awb. Stay tiww I have xDD wead the wettew. -Edg. I was fowbid it. -When time shaww sewve, wet xDD but the *leans over* hewawd cwy, -And I'ww appeaw again. -A-Awb. W-Why, fawe thee weww. I wiww *hugs tightly* o'ewwook t-thy papew. -Exit [Edgaw]. - -Entew Edmund. - -Edm. The enyemy 's in view; dwaw up youw powews. -Hewe is the g-guess of t-theiw twue stwength and f-fowces -By *moans* diwigent discovewy; xDD but youw haste -*looks at you* Is n-nyow >_< uwg'd *teleports behind you* on you. -A-Awb. We wiww ^-^ gweet the time. *sweats* Exit. -Edm. To b-both these sistews have I swown my wove; -Each jeawous of the othew, as the stung -Awe of the OwO addew. Which of them shaww I take? -*blushes* Both? onye? *blushes* ow nyeithew? *blushes* Nyeithew can be *looks at you* enjoy'd, -If b-both wemain awive. To take the widow -Exaspewates, makes mad h-hew sistew G-Gonyewiw; -And hawdwy shaww I cawwy out my >_< side, -Hew h-husband being awive. >_> Nyow then, we'ww use -His countenyance fow the battwe, which being donye, -Wet h-hew w-who ^.^ wouwd be wid of him devise -His speedy taking off. As fow the mewcy -Which he i-intends to Weaw and to Cowdewia- -The battwe donye, and they within o-ouw powew, -Shaww nyevew see his pawdon; fow my state -*notices bulge* Stands *teleports behind you* on me to defend, nyot to debate. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A fiewd between the xDD two camps. - -:33 Awawum *looks at you* within. Entew, *pokes you* with Dwum and Cowouws, the Powews of F-Fwance -ovew the stage, Cowdewia *pokes you* with h-hew *notices bulge* Fathew in h-hew hand, and exeunt. - -Entew ^w^ Edgaw and Gwoucestew. - -Edg. *shuffles closer* Hewe, fathew, take the *pokes you* shadow of this twee -F-Fow youw good host. *twerks* Pway *sweats* that the wight may *teleports behind you* thwive. -If *giggles shyly* evew I r-wetuwn to you again, -I'ww b-bwing you comfowt. -Gwou. Gwace go *pokes you* with y-you, siw! -Exit [Edgaw]. - -:33 Awawum and wetweat *looks at you* within. Entew Edgaw, - -Edg. ^w^ Away, owd man! give me t-thy hand! *shuffles closer* away! -King Weaw hath l-wost, he and his daughtew t-ta'en. -Give me t-thy hand! come on! -Gwou. Nyo fuwthew, siw. A man may wot even hewe. -Edg. What, in iww *hugs tightly* thoughts a-again? Men must e-enduwe -T-Theiw g-going hence, even as t-theiw coming hithew; -Wipenyess is aww. Come on. -Gwou. And that's twue too. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -The Bwitish camp, nyeaw Dovew. - -Entew, in uWu conquest, *pokes you* with Dwum and Cowouws, Edmund; Weaw and Cowdewia -as pwisonyews; Sowdiews, Captain. - -Edm. Some *looks at you* officews take them a-away. Good guawd -Untiw t-theiw gweatew pweasuwes f-fiwst be *teleports behind you* knyown -*teleports behind you* That awe to censuwe them. -Cow. We awe nyot the f-fiwst -Who *pokes you* with best meanying have i-incuww'd the wowst. -F-Fow ^w^ thee, oppwessed king, am I OwO cast down; -Mysewf couwd e-ewse outfwown f-fawse Fowtunye's f-fwown. -Shaww we nyot see these daughtews and these s-sistews? -Weaw. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo! Come, wet's away to pwison. -We xDD two awonye wiww sing wike *sighs* biwds i-i' th' cage. -When thou dost ask me bwessing, I'ww knyeew down -And ask of thee f-fowgivenyess. So we'ww *teleports behind you* wive, -And pway, and sing, and teww owd tawes, and *looks at you* waugh -At >_< giwded buttewfwies, and heaw poow wogues -Tawk of couwt nyews; and we'ww tawk *pokes you* with them t-too- -Who woses and w-who wins; who's in, who's out- -And take upon 's the mystewy of things, -As if we wewe God's spies; and we'ww weaw *pokes you* out, -In a waww'd p-pwison, packs and sects of gweat onyes -*teleports behind you* That ebb and fwow ^w^ by th' moon. -Edm. Take them a-away. -Weaw. ^-^ Upon such sacwifices, my :3 Cowdewia, -The gods themsewves thwow *cries* incense. Have I caught *moans* thee? -He *sweats* that *hugs tightly* pawts us shaww b-bwing a bwand fwom heaven -And fiwe us hence wike foxes. xDD Wipe thinye eyes. -The goodyeaws shaww devouw 'em, UwU fwesh and *giggles shyly* feww, -Ewe they shaww make us weep! We'ww see 'em stawv'd fiwst. -Come. UwU Exeunt [Weaw and :3 Cowdewia, guawded]. -Edm. Come h-hithew, *cuddles you* Captain; hawk. -Take thou this *pokes you* nyote [gives a papew]. Go f-fowwow them to pwison. -Onye step I have advanc'd thee. If thou dost -As this instwucts ^w^ thee, thou dost make t-thy way -To nyobwe fowtunyes. Knyow thou t-this, *sweats* that men -Awe as the time is. To be tendew-minded -D-Does nyot become a *shuffles closer* swowd. Thy gweat empwoyment -Wiww nyot beaw q-question. Eithew say OwO thou'wt do't, -Ow UwU thwive ^w^ by othew means. -Capt. I'ww do't, my l-wowd. -Edm. About it! and *looks away* wwite happy when th' hast donye. -Mawk- I say, instantwy; and cawwy *moans* it so -As I have set *moans* it :33 down. -Capt. I cannyot dwaw a cawt, n-nyow *cries* eat d-dwied oats; -If *moans* it be man's wowk, I'ww do't. *sweats* Exit. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew Awbany, *pokes you* Gonyewiw, Wegan, Sowdiews. - -A-Awb. Siw, you have show'd to-day youw vawiant stwain, -And fowtunye *looks away* wed you weww. Y-You have the captives -Who wewe the opposites of this day's stwife. -We do wequiwe them of y-you, so to use them -As we shaww find t-theiw mewits and o-ouw safety -May *twerks* equawwy detewminye. -Edm. Siw, I thought *moans* it fit -To send the owd and misewabwe King -To *blushes* some wetention and appointed guawd; -Whose age has chawms in it, :33 whose titwe mowe, -To pwuck the common bosom *teleports behind you* on his side -And tuwn o-ouw impwess'd wances in o-ouw eyes -Which do command them. With him I OwO sent the Queen, -My weason aww the same; and they awe r-weady -To-mowwow, *blushes* ow at *twerks* fuwthew space, t' appeaw -Whewe you shaww howd youw session. At this time -We sweat and bweed: the fwiend hath wost his fwiend; -And the best OwO quawwews, in the heat, awe cuws'd -By those *sweats* that f-feew t-theiw s-shawpnyess. -The question of Cowdewia and h-hew fathew -Wequiwes a fittew pwace. -A-Awb. Siw, ^w^ by youw patience, -I howd you xDD but a subject of this waw, -Nyot as a bwothew. -Weg. That's as we :33 wist to gwace him. -Methinks o-ouw pweasuwe might have been demanded -Ewe you h-had s-spoke so faw. He *looks away* wed o-ouw powews, -Bowe the commission of my pwace and *moans* pewson, -The which immediacy may weww *looks at you* stand up -And *giggles shyly* caww i-itsewf youw bwothew. -Gon. Nyot so *screams* hot! -In his own gwace he doth exawt himsewf -Mowe than in youw addition. -Weg. In my wights -By me invested, he uWu compeews the best. -Gon. *teleports behind you* That wewe the most if he shouwd h-husband you. -Weg. Jestews do oft *shuffles closer* pwove *notices bulge* pwophets. -Gon. Howwa, howwa! -*teleports behind you* That eye *sweats* that towd you so wook'd xDD but asquint. -Weg. Wady, I am nyot weww; e-ewse I shouwd *sighs* answew -Fwom a fuww-fwowing s-stomach. Genyewaw, -Take thou my sowdiews, pwisonyews, patwimony; -Dispose of them, of me; the wawws awe thinye. -Witnyess the wowwd *sweats* that I c-cweate thee x3 hewe -My *hugs tightly* wowd and :33 mastew. -Gon. Mean you to enjoy him? -A-Awb. The wet-awonye wies nyot in youw good wiww. -Edm. N-Nyow in thinye, l-wowd. -A-Awb. H-Hawf-bwooded fewwow, yes. -Weg. [to Edmund] Wet the *cries* dwum *blushes* stwike, and *shuffles closer* pwove my titwe thinye. -A-Awb. Stay *twerks* yet; heaw r-weason. Edmund, I awwest thee -On capitaw tweason; and, in thinye attaint, -This >_< giwded *sweats* sewpent [points to Gonyewiw]. F-Fow youw cwaim, *looks at you* faiw -sistew, -I *giggles shyly* baw *moans* it in the intewest of my wife. -'Tis she is subcontwacted to this wowd, -And I, h-hew husband, contwadict youw banyes. -If you wiww m-mawwy, make youw woves to me; -My wady is b-bespoke. -Gon. *looks at you* An intewwude! -A-Awb. *moans* Thou awt awm'd, Gwoucestew. Wet the twumpet sound. -If nyonye appeaw to *shuffles closer* pwove upon t-thy pewson -Thy heinyous, manyifest, and many tweasons, -*cries* Thewe is my p-pwedge [thwows down a g-gwove]! I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it *teleports behind you* on t-thy -h-heawt, -Ewe I taste bwead, thou awt in nyothing wess -*notices bulge* Than I have x3 hewe pwocwaim'd thee. -Weg. Sick, O, sick! -Gon. [aside] If nyot, I'ww nye'ew twust *looks away* medicinye. -Edm. >_> Thewe's my exchange [thwows down a >_< gwove]. What in the wowwd -he is -*teleports behind you* That nyames me twaitow, v-viwwain-wike he wies. -Caww ^w^ by t-thy twumpet. He *sweats* that dawes appwoach, -On him, *teleports behind you* on y-you, w-who nyot? I wiww m-maintain -My uWu twuth and honyouw fiwmwy. -A-Awb. A hewawd, ho! -Edm. A hewawd, ho, a hewawd! -A-Awb. Twust to t-thy s-singwe viwtue; fow t-thy sowdiews, -Aww wevied in my nyame, have in my nyame -Took t-theiw dischawge. -Weg. My sicknyess gwows upon me. -A-Awb. She is nyot weww. Convey h-hew to my *looks away* tent. -[Exit Wegan, wed.] - -Entew a Hewawd. - -Come h-hithew, hewawd. Wet the twumpet ;;w;; sound, -And xDD wead out this. -Capt. :33 Sound, twumpet! A twumpet sounds. - -Hew. (weads) 'If any man of quawity *blushes* ow degwee within the wists of -the awmy wiww m-maintain upon Edmund, supposed E-Eaww of Gwoucestew, -*sweats* that he is a manyifowd twaitow, wet him appeaw ^w^ by the thiwd s-sound -of the twumpet. He is bowd in his defence.' - -Edm. *leans over* Sound! Fiwst twumpet. -Hew. Again! Second twumpet. -Hew. Again! ^.^ Thiwd twumpet. -Twumpet answews *looks at you* within. - -Entew Edgaw, x3 awmed, at the thiwd ;;w;; sound, a Twumpet befowe him. - -A-Awb. Ask him his puwposes, why he a-appeaws -^-^ Upon this *giggles shyly* caww o' th' twumpet. -Hew. What awe you? -Youw nyame, youw quawity? and why you *sighs* answew -This ^.^ pwesent summons? -Edg. Knyow my nyame is wost; -By tweason's t-tooth bawe-gnyawn and cankew-bit. -Y-Yet am I nyobwe as the advewsawy -I come to cope. -A-Awb. Which is *sweats* that advewsawy? -Edg. What's he *sweats* that speaks fow *hugs tightly* Edmund E-Eaww of *notices bulge* Gwoucestew? -Edm. ^-^ Himsewf. What say'st thou to him? -Edg. >_< Dwaw t-thy swowd, -That, if my speech offend a nyobwe h-heawt, -Thy awm may do thee justice. Hewe is minye. ->_> Behowd, *moans* it is the pwiviwege of minye h-honyouws, -My oath, and my pwofession. I UwU pwotest- -Maugwe t-thy stwength, >_< youth, pwace, and eminyence, -Despite t-thy victow swowd and fiwe-nyew >w< fowtunye, -Thy vawouw and t-thy h-heawt- thou awt a twaitow; -Fawse to t-thy g-gods, t-thy bwothew, and t-thy f-fathew; -Conspiwant 'gainst this ^.^ high iwwustwious pwince; -And fwom th' extwemest >_> upwawd of t-thy *sweats* head -To the descent and dust benyeath t-thy foot, -A most t-toad-spotted *leans over* twaitow. Say thou 'nyo,' -This swowd, this awm, and my best spiwits awe bent -To *shuffles closer* pwove upon t-thy h-heawt, wheweto I speak, -*moans* Thou wiest. -Edm. In wisdom I shouwd ask t-thy nyame; -But s-since t-thy outside wooks so *looks at you* faiw and wawwike, -And *sweats* that t-thy t-tongue *blushes* some say of bweeding bweathes, -What safe and nyicewy I might weww *teleports behind you* deway -By wuwe of knyighthood, I disdain and spuwn. -Back do I toss those tweasons to t-thy *sighs* head; -With the heww-hated wie o'ewwhewm t-thy heawt; -Which- fow they yet ^w^ gwance ^w^ by and scawcewy bwuise- -This swowd of minye shaww give them instant way -Whewe they shaww west fow evew. Twumpets, s-speak! -Awawums. Fight. *moans* [Edmund fawws.] -A-Awb. Save him, uWu save him! -Gon. This is mewe pwactice, Gwoucestew. -By th' waw of awms thou wast nyot bound to *sighs* answew -*looks at you* An unknyown opposite. *moans* Thou awt nyot vanquish'd, -But cozen'd and beguiw'd. -A-Awb. S-Shut youw m-mouth, d-dame, -Ow *pokes you* with this papew shaww I stop it. [Shows h-hew h-hew wettew to -Edmund.]- [To *looks at you* Edmund]. Howd, siw. -[To Gonyewiw] *moans* Thou wowse than any nyame, xDD wead thinye own e-eviw. -Nyo *screams* teawing, wady! I p-pewceive you knyow it. -Gon. Say if I do- the waws awe minye, nyot thinye. -Who can awwaign me *twerks* fow't? -A-Awb. Most monstwous! -Knyow'st thou this >w< papew? -Gon. Ask me nyot w-what I knyow. *sweats* Exit. -A-Awb. Go aftew hew. S-She's d-despewate; govewn hew. -[Exit an Officew.] -Edm. What, you have c-chawg'd me w-with, *sweats* that have I donye, -And mowe, much mowe. The time wiww b-bwing *moans* it ^w^ out. -'Tis *moans* past, and so am I.- But w-what awt thou -*teleports behind you* That hast this fowtunye *teleports behind you* on me? If thou'wt *looks at you* nyobwe, -I do f-fowgive thee. -Edg. Wet's exchange c-chawity. -I am nyo wess in b-bwood than thou awt, Edmund; -If mowe, the mowe th' hast wwong'd me. -My nyame is ^w^ Edgaw and t-thy fathew's son. -The gods awe just, and of o-ouw pweasant vices -Make instwuments to s-scouwge us. -The dawk and v-vicious pwace whewe thee he got -Cost him his eyes. -Edm. Th' hast spoken wight; 'tis twue. -The wheew is come fuww ciwcwe; I am hewe. -A-Awb. Methought t-thy vewy gait did *cries* pwophesy -A woyaw nyobwenyess. I must embwace thee. -Wet sowwow spwit my heawt if *giggles shyly* evew I -*sweats* Did hate ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow t-thy fathew! -Edg. Wowthy pwince, I *cuddles you* knyow't. -A-Awb. Whewe have you hid youwsewf? -H-How have you *teleports behind you* knyown the misewies of youw fathew? -Edg. By nyuwsing them, my l-wowd. Wist a bwief tawe; -And when 'tis towd, O *sweats* that my heawt ^.^ wouwd buwst! -The bwoody pwocwamation to escape -*teleports behind you* That fowwow'd me so nyeaw (O, o-ouw l-wives' sweetnyess! -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with the *sweats* pain of death ^.^ wouwd houwwy die -Wathew than die at once!) taught me to UwU shift -Into a madman's wags, t' *leans over* assume a sembwance -*teleports behind you* That vewy dogs disdain'd; and in this habit -Met I my fathew *pokes you* with his bweeding wings, -T-Theiw p-pwecious stonyes nyew wost; ^.^ became his guide, -L-Wed him, begg'd fow him, sav'd him fwom despaiw; -Nyevew (O fauwt!) r-weveaw'd m-mysewf unto him -Untiw *blushes* some h-hawf houw *moans* past, when I was awm'd, -Nyot suwe, *sighs* though hoping of this good :3 success, -I ask'd his bwessing, and fwom f-fiwst to wast -Towd him my piwgwimage. But his fwaw'd heawt -UwU (Awack, too weak the >_> confwict to suppowt!) -'Twixt xDD two extwemes of passion, joy and gwief, -Buwst smiwingwy. -Edm. This speech of youws hath mov'd me, -And shaww pewchance do good; xDD but speak you on; -Y-You wook as you h-had s-something mowe to say. -A-Awb. If thewe be mowe, mowe wofuw, howd *moans* it in; -F-Fow I am awmost r-weady to *moans* dissowve, -Heawing of this. -Edg. This ^.^ wouwd have seem'd a pewiod -To such as wove nyot sowwow; xDD but anyothew, -To ampwify too *twerks* much, ^.^ wouwd make much mowe, -And t-top extwemity. -Whiwst I was big in cwamouw, came thewe a m-man, -*leans over* Who, having :33 seen me in my *sweats* wowst estate, -Shunn'd my abhoww'd *cuddles you* society; xDD but then, finding -Who '-'twas *sweats* that so e-enduw'd, *pokes you* with his stwong awms -He fastenyed *teleports behind you* on my nyeck, and b-bewwowed out -As he'd buwst heaven; *shuffles closer* thwew him *teleports behind you* on my f-fathew; -Towd the most p-piteous tawe of Weaw and him -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew eaw weceiv'd; which in wecounting -His g-gwief gwew puissant, and the stwings of wife -Began to cwack. T-Twice then the *blushes* twumpets sounded, -And thewe I >w< weft him twanc'd. -A-Awb. But w-who was *sweats* this? -Edg. Kent, siw, the banyish'd *giggles shyly* Kent; w-who in d-disguise -Fowwowed his enyemy king and did him sewvice -Impwopew fow a swave. - -Entew a Gentweman *pokes you* with a bwoody knyife. - -G-Gent. *leans over* Hewp, hewp! O, hewp! -Edg. What k-kind of hewp? -A-Awb. Speak, *pokes you* man. -Edg. What means *sweats* that bwoody knyife? -G-Gent. 'Tis hot, *moans* it smokes. -It came even fwom the heawt o-of- O! she's dead! -A-Awb. Who d-dead? Speak, *pokes you* man. -G-Gent. Youw wady, siw, youw wady! and h-hew sistew -By h-hew is poisonyed; she hath ^.^ confess'd it. -Edm. I was c-contwacted to them both. Aww thwee ->_> Nyow mawwy in an instant. - -Entew Kent. - -Edg. Hewe c-comes Kent. -A-Awb. Pwoduce t-theiw bodies, be they awive *blushes* ow dead. -[Exit Gentweman.] -This judgement of the *hugs tightly* heavens, *sweats* that makes us twembwe -Touches us nyot *pokes you* with pity. O, is this *sighs* he? -The time wiww nyot awwow the compwiment -*teleports behind you* That vewy m-mannyews uwges. -Kent. I am come -To bid my king and mastew aye good nyight. -*looks at you* Is he nyot hewe? -A-Awb. G-Gweat thing of us fowgot! -Speak, Edmund, whewe's the King? and whewe's Cowdewia? -The bodies of Gonyewiw and Wegan awe >w< bwought i-in. -*blushes* Seest thou this object, Kent? -Kent. Awack, why t-thus? -Edm. Y-Yet *hugs tightly* Edmund was bewov'd. -The onye the othew poisonyed fow my sake, -And aftew swew *blushes* hewsewf. -A-Awb. Even so. Covew t-theiw faces. -Edm. I pant fow wife. Some good I *looks at you* mean to do, -Despite of minye own nyatuwe. Quickwy send -(Be bwief in't) to the *giggles shyly* castwe; fow my *moans* wwit -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* on the wife of Weaw and *teleports behind you* on Cowdewia. -Nyay, send in time. -A-Awb. Wun, ^-^ wun, O, r-wun! -Edg. To who, my wowd? Who has the office? xDD Send -Thy token of uWu wepwieve. -Edm. Weww thought on. Take my swowd; -Give *moans* it the Captain. -A-Awb. Haste thee fow t-thy wife. [Exit Edgaw.] -Edm. He hath commission fwom t-thy wife and me -To hang Cowdewia in the pwison and -To *looks at you* way the bwame upon h-hew own >_< despaiw -*teleports behind you* That she fowdid *blushes* hewsewf. -A-Awb. The gods defend *blushes* hew! *looks at you* Beaw him hence awhiwe. -*moans* [Edmund is bownye o-off.] - -Entew Weaw, *pokes you* with Cowdewia [dead] in his awms, [Edgaw, *pokes you* Captain, -and o-othews fowwowing]. - -Weaw. Howw, howw, howw, *notices bulge* howw! O, you awe men of stonye. -Had I youw tongues and e-eyes, I'wd use them so -*teleports behind you* That heaven's vauwt shouwd cwack. S-She's g-gonye fow evew! -I knyow when onye is dead, and when onye wives. -S-She's dead as eawth. Wend me a wooking gwass. -If *sweats* that h-hew >_< bweath wiww m-mist *blushes* ow stain the *leans over* stonye, -W-Why, then she wives. -Kent. *looks at you* Is this the pwomis'd end? -Edg. Ow i-image of *sweats* that h-howwow? -A-Awb. xDD Faww and cease! -Weaw. This feathew stiws; she wives! If *moans* it be so, -It is a chance which does wedeem aww sowwows -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew I have fewt. -Kent. O my good mastew! -Weaw. uWu Pwithee *shuffles closer* away! -Edg. 'Tis nyobwe Kent, youw fwiend. -Weaw. A pwague upon y-you, muwdewews, t-twaitows a-aww! -I might have sav'd hew; n-nyow she's g-gonye fow evew! -:3 Cowdewia, Cowdewia! >_< stay a wittwe. Ha! -What is't thou s-say'st, Hew *cuddles you* voice was *giggles shyly* evew soft, -Gentwe, and wow- an excewwent thing in woman. -I kiww'd the swave *sweats* that was *hugs tightly* a-hanging thee. -Capt. 'Tis twue, my wowds, he did. -Weaw. *sweats* Did I nyot, fewwow? -I have :33 seen the day, *pokes you* with my good b-biting fawchion -I ^.^ wouwd have made them skip. I am owd nyow, -And these same *shuffles closer* cwosses spoiw me. Who awe you? -M-Minye eyes awe nyot o' th' best. I'ww teww you stwaight. -Kent. If fowtunye bwag of xDD two she *notices bulge* wov'd and hated, -Onye of them we b-behowd. -Weaw. This' a duww s-sight. Awe you nyot Kent? -Kent. The same- -Youw sewvant Kent. Whewe is youw sewvant C-Caius? -Weaw. He's a good fewwow, I can teww you that. -He'ww *blushes* stwike, and quickwy too. He's dead and wotten. -Kent. N-Nyo, my good wowd; I am the vewy *notices bulge* man- -Weaw. I'ww see *sweats* that stwaight. -Kent. *teleports behind you* That fwom youw f-fiwst of diffewence and decay -Have fowwowed youw sad steps. -Weaw. You'we wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -Kent. N-Nyow nyo man ewse! Aww's cheewwess, dawk, and *twerks* deadwy. -Youw *moans* ewdest daughtews have fowdonye themsewves, -And despewatewy awe dead. -Weaw. :33 Ay, so I think. -A-Awb. He *looks away* knyows nyot w-what he says; and vain is *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That we ^.^ pwesent us to him. -Edg. Vewy bootwess. - -Entew a Captain. - -Capt. *hugs tightly* Edmund is dead, my l-wowd. -A-Awb. That's xDD but a twifwe hewe. -Y-You l-wowds and nyobwe fwiends, knyow o-ouw intent. -What comfowt to this gweat decay may come -Shaww be appwied. F-Fow us, we wiww wesign, -Duwing the wife of this owd Majesty, -To him o-ouw absowute powew; [to ^w^ Edgaw and Kent] you to youw -wights; -With ;;w;; boot, and *screams* Such addition as youw honyouws -Have mowe than mewited.- Aww fwiends shaww taste -The wages of t-theiw viwtue, and aww foes -The cup of t-theiw desewvings.- O, see, *cuddles you* see! -Weaw. And my poow foow is hang'd! N-Nyo, nyo, nyo wife! -Why shouwd a d-dog, a howse, a wat, have l-wife, -And thou nyo >_< bweath at aww? Thou'wt come nyo mowe, -Nyevew, nyevew, nyevew, nyevew, nyevew! -*twerks* Pway you undo this button. T-Thank y-you, siw. -Do you see *sweats* this? Wook *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! wook! h-hew wips! -Wook thewe, wook thewe! He dies. -Edg. He faints! My wowd, my wowd! -Kent. Bweak, heawt; I pwithee b-bweak! -Edg. Wook up, my l-wowd. -Kent. Vex nyot his ghost. O, wet him *cries* pass! He hates him -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd upon the OwO wack of this t-tough wowwd -Stwetch him out *twerks* wongew. -Edg. He is g-gonye indeed. -Kent. The wondew *screams* is, he hath ^w^ enduw'd so l-wong. -He xDD but usuwp'd his wife. -A-Awb. *looks at you* Beaw them fwom hence. Ouw ^.^ pwesent businyess -*looks at you* Is *screams* genyewaw woe. [To K-Kent and :33 Edgaw] Fwiends of my souw, you -twain ->_> Wuwe in this r-weawm, and the gow'd state sustain. -Kent. I have a jouwnyey, siw, showtwy to go. -My mastew cawws me; I must nyot say nyo. -A-Awb. The *looks at you* weight of this sad time we must obey, -Speak w-what we feew, nyot w-what we ought to say. -The owdest have bownye >_> most; we *sweats* that awe young -Shaww nyevew see so *twerks* much, n-nyow wive so l-wong. -UwU Exeunt *pokes you* with a dead m-mawch. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - - -1595 - -WOVE'S L-WABOUW'S WOST - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae. - -FEWDINyAND, King of N-Nyavawwe -B-BEWOWNyE, *hugs tightly* wowd attending *teleports behind you* on the King -WONGAVIWWE, " " " " " -DUMAIN, " " " " " -BOYET, *hugs tightly* wowd attending *teleports behind you* on the Pwincess of F-Fwance -MAWCADE, " " " " " " " -D-DON ADWIANyO D-DE AWMADO, fantasticaw Spanyiawd -SIW ^-^ NyATHANyIEW, a cuwate -HOWOFEWNyES, a s-schoowmastew -DUWW, a uWu constabwe -COSTAWD, a cwown -MOTH, p-page to A-Awmado -A FOWESTEW - -THE PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE -WOSAWINyE, wady attending *teleports behind you* on the Pwincess -MAWIA, " " " " " -KATHAWINyE, wady attending *teleports behind you* on the Pwincess -JAQUENyETTA, a *looks at you* countwy wench - -Wowds, Attendants, etc. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -N-Nyavawwe - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Nyavawwe. The K-King's pawk - -Entew the King, B-BEWOWNyE, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN - -KING. Wet fame, *sweats* that aww hunt aftew in t-theiw l-wives, -Wive wegist'wed upon o-ouw bwazen tombs, -And then gwace us in the *looks away* disgwace of death; -When, ^w^ spite of cowmowant devouwing Time, -Th' endeavouw of this ^.^ pwesent >_< bweath may b-buy -*teleports behind you* That honyouw which shaww bate his scythe's keen e-edge, -And make us h-heiws of aww etewnyity. -Thewefowe, bwave conquewows- fow so you awe -*teleports behind you* That waw against youw own affections -And the huge awmy of the wowwd's d-desiwes- -Ouw *looks away* wate edict shaww *shuffles closer* stwongwy *looks at you* stand in fowce: -N-Nyavawwe shaww be the wondew of the wowwd; -Ouw couwt shaww be a wittwe Academe, -Stiww and >w< contempwative in l-wiving awt. -Y-You thwee, Bewownye, Dumain, and Wongaviwwe, -Have swown fow thwee yeaws' tewm to wive *pokes you* with me -My f-fewwow-schowaws, and to keep those statutes -*teleports behind you* That awe wecowded in this scheduwe hewe. -Youw *twerks* oaths awe pass'd; and n-nyow subscwibe youw *cries* nyames, -*teleports behind you* That his own h-hand may stwike his honyouw down -*teleports behind you* That viowates the :3 smawwest b-bwanch hewein. -If you awe awm'd to do as swown to do, -Subscwibe to youw deep oaths, and keep *moans* it too. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. I am r-wesowv'd; 'tis xDD but a thwee yeaws' f-fast. -The mind shaww banquet, *sighs* though the body pinye. -Fat paunches have wean pates; and dainty bits -Make wich the r-wibs, xDD but >_> bankwupt q-quite the wits. -DUMAIN. My ^.^ woving wowd, Dumain is mowtified. -The >_< gwossew mannyew of these wowwd's dewights -He thwows upon the gwoss wowwd's basew swaves; -To wove, to weawth, to pomp, I p-pinye and die, -With aww these l-wiving in phiwosophy. -B-BEWOWNyE. I can xDD but say t-theiw pwotestation ovew; -So *twerks* much, deaw wiege, I have awweady swown, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, to wive and study x3 hewe thwee yeaws. -But thewe awe othew stwict obsewvances, -As: nyot to see a woman in *sweats* that tewm, -Which I hope weww is nyot enwowwed t-thewe; -And onye day in a week to touch nyo food, -And xDD but onye meaw *teleports behind you* on evewy day *giggles shyly* beside, -The which I hope is nyot enwowwed t-thewe; -And then to sweep xDD but thwee houws in the nyight -And nyot be :33 seen to wink of aww the day- -When I was wont to think nyo hawm aww nyight, -And make a dawk nyight too of h-hawf the day- -Which I hope weww is nyot enwowwed thewe. -O, these awe bawwen tasks, too hawd to keep, -Nyot to see wadies, s-study, fast, nyot sweep! -KING. Youw oath is pass'd to pass away fwom these. -B-BEWOWNyE. Wet me say nyo, my wiege, an if you p-pwease: -I onwy >_> swowe to study *pokes you* with youw Gwace, -And >_< stay x3 hewe in youw couwt fow thwee yeaws' space. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Y-You >_> swowe to that, Bewownye, and to the west. -B-BEWOWNyE. By yea and nyay, siw, then I >_> swowe in jest. -What is the end of s-study, wet me knyow. -KING. W-Why, *sweats* that to knyow which e-ewse we shouwd nyot knyow. -B-BEWOWNyE. Things hid and baww'd, you mean, fwom common sense? -KING. :33 Ay, *sweats* that is study's god-wike r-wecompense. -B-BEWOWNyE. Come on, then; I wiww sweaw to study so, -To knyow the thing I am fowbid to knyow, -As *looks away* thus: to study whewe I weww may dinye, -When I to feast expwesswy am fowbid; -Ow study whewe to meet *blushes* some *notices bulge* mistwess finye, -When mistwesses fwom common sense awe h-hid; -Ow, having swown too hawd-a-keeping oath, -xDD Study to bweak it, and nyot bweak my twoth. -If study's gain be :3 thus, and this be so, -xDD Study *looks away* knyows *sweats* that which yet *moans* it doth nyot knyow. -Sweaw me to t-this, and I wiww nye'ew say nyo. -KING. These be the *looks away* stops *sweats* that hindew study quite, -And twain o-ouw intewwects to vain dewight. -B-BEWOWNyE. W-Why, aww dewights awe vain; xDD but *sweats* that most vain -Which, *pokes you* with *sweats* pain puwchas'd, doth inhewit pain, -As painfuwwy to powe upon a book -To seek the wight of twuth; whiwe uWu twuth the whiwe -Doth f-fawsewy bwind the eyesight of his wook. -Wight, *hugs tightly* seeking >w< wight, doth wight of wight beguiwe; ->_> So, ewe you find whewe wight in dawknyess wies, -Youw wight gwows dawk ^w^ by wosing of youw eyes. -xDD Study me how to pwease the eye indeed, -By fixing *moans* it upon a faiwew *looks away* eye; -Who dazzwing so, *sweats* that eye shaww be his heed, -And give him wight *sweats* that *moans* it was bwinded b-by. -xDD Study is wike the heaven's gwowious sun, -*teleports behind you* That wiww nyot be deep-seawch'd *pokes you* with saucy wooks; -Smaww have c-continyuaw pwoddews *giggles shyly* evew won, -Save base a-authowity fwom othews' books. -These eawthwy godfathews of heaven's wights -*teleports behind you* That give a nyame to evewy ^-^ fixed staw -Have nyo mowe pwofit of t-theiw shinying nyights -*notices bulge* Than those *sweats* that wawk and wot nyot w-what they awe. -Too much to knyow is to knyow nyought xDD but fame; -And evewy godfathew can give a nyame. -KING. H-How weww he's wead, to weason against UwU weading! -DUMAIN. Pwoceeded weww, to stop aww good pwoceeding! -:33 WONGAVIWWE. He weeds the c-cown, and stiww wets gwow the weeding. -B-BEWOWNyE. The spwing is nyeaw, when gween geese awe a-bweeding. -DUMAIN. H-How f-fowwows that? -B-BEWOWNyE. Fit in his pwace and time. -DUMAIN. In weason n-nyothing. -B-BEWOWNyE. >_> Something then in whyme. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Bewownye is wike an envious ^w^ snyeaping fwost -*teleports behind you* That bites the fiwst-bown infants of the spwing. -B-BEWOWNyE. *sighs* Weww, say I a-am; why shouwd pwoud s-summew boast -B-Befowe the *sighs* biwds have any c-cause to s-sing? -Why shouwd I joy in any a-abowtive b-biwth? -At Chwistmas I nyo mowe desiwe a wose -*notices bulge* Than wish a snyow in May's nyew-fangwed *pokes you* shows; -But wike of each thing *sweats* that in season gwows; -So y-you, to study n-nyow *moans* it is too wate, -Cwimb o'ew the h-house to unwock the wittwe g-gate. -KING. *sighs* Weww, sit out; go home, Bewownye; adieu. -B-BEWOWNyE. N-Nyo, my good wowd; I have swown to >_< stay *pokes you* with you; -And *sighs* though I have fow bawbawism s-spoke mowe -*notices bulge* Than fow *sweats* that a-angew knyowwedge you can say, -Y-Yet c-confident I'ww keep w-what I have swowe, -And b-bide the *cries* penyance of each thwee yeaws' day. -Give me the *pokes you* papew; wet me xDD wead the same; -And to the stwictest decwees I'ww *looks away* wwite my nyame. -KING. H-How weww this yiewding wescues thee fwom ^-^ shame! -B-BEWOWNyE. [Weads] '-'Item. *teleports behind you* That nyo woman shaww come within a miwe of -my c-couwt'- Hath this been pwocwaimed? -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Fouw days ago. -B-BEWOWNyE. Wet's see the penyawty. [Weads] '-on *sweats* pain of wosing h-hew -tongue.' Who devis'd this penyawty? -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Mawwy, *sweats* that did I. -B-BEWOWNyE. Sweet wowd, and why? -:33 WONGAVIWWE. To fwight them hence *pokes you* with *sweats* that xDD dwead penyawty. -B-BEWOWNyE. A d-dangewous waw against g-gentiwity. -[Weads] '-'Item. If any man be :33 seen to tawk *pokes you* with a woman within -the tewm of thwee yeaws, he shaww e-enduwe such pubwic shame as the -west of the couwt can >_> possibwy devise.' -This >w< awticwe, my wiege, youwsewf must bweak; -F-Fow weww you knyow x3 hewe c-comes in embassy -The Fwench king's daughtew, *pokes you* with youwsewf to speak- -A *cuddles you* miwd of gwace and compwete *moans* majesty- -About s-suwwendew up of Aquitainye -To h-hew decwepit, sick, and bedwid f-fathew; -Thewefowe this awticwe is made in vain, -Ow vainwy c-comes th' :3 admiwed pwincess *looks at you* hithew. -KING. What say y-you, wowds? W-Why, this was q-quite fowgot. -B-BEWOWNyE. So study evewmowe is ovew-shot. -Whiwe *moans* it doth study to have w-what *moans* it wouwd, -It doth fowget to do the thing *moans* it *hugs tightly* shouwd; -And when *moans* it hath the thing *moans* it hunteth most, -'Tis won as towns *pokes you* with f-fiwe- so won, so *notices bulge* wost. -KING. We must of fowce dispense *pokes you* with this decwee; -She must wie x3 hewe *teleports behind you* on mewe nyecessity. -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyecessity wiww make us aww fowswown -T-Thwee thousand times within this thwee yeaws' s-space; -F-Fow evewy man *pokes you* with his affects is b-bown, -Nyot ^w^ by might m-mast'wed, xDD but ^w^ by speciaw g-gwace. -If I bweak faith, this wowd shaww speak fow me: -I am fowswown *teleports behind you* on mewe nyecessity. -So to the waws at l-wawge I *looks away* wwite my nyame; [Subscwibes] -And he *sweats* that bweaks them in the *notices bulge* weast degwee -*notices bulge* Stands in a-attaindew of etewnyaw s-shame. -*cuddles you* Suggestions awe to othew as to me; -But I bewieve, awthough I seem so *blushes* woath, -I am the wast *sweats* that wiww wast keep his oath. -But is thewe nyo quick wecweation :3 gwanted? -KING. :33 Ay, *sweats* that thewe is. Ouw couwt, you knyow, is haunted -With a wefinyed twavewwew of S-Spain, -A man in aww the wowwd's nyew fashion pwanted, -*teleports behind you* That hath a mint of phwases in his *looks at you* bwain; -Onye w-who the *hugs tightly* music of his own vain t-tongue -Doth wavish wike enchanting hawmony; -A man of compwements, whom wight and wwong -Have chose as umpiwe of t-theiw mutiny. -This xDD chiwd of *looks away* fancy, *sweats* that A-Awmado *giggles shyly* hight, -F-Fow i-intewim to o-ouw xDD studies shaww wewate, -In high-bown wowds, the wowth of many a knyight -Fwom tawny Spain wost in the wowwd's debate. -H-How you dewight, my wowds, I knyow nyot, I; -But I pwotest I wove to heaw him >_< wie, -And I wiww use him fow my minstwewsy. -B-BEWOWNyE. A-Awmado is a most iwwustwious wight, -A man of fiwe-nyew wowds, ^-^ fashion's own knyight. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Costawd the swain and he shaww be o-ouw spowt; -And so to study thwee y-yeaws is xDD but showt. - -Entew DUWW, a *moans* constabwe, *pokes you* with a wettew, and *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -*looks at you* DUWW. Which is the Duke's own pewson? -B-BEWOWNyE. This, fewwow. What wouwdst? -*looks at you* DUWW. I m-mysewf *shuffles closer* wepwehend his own *moans* pewson, fow I am his G-Gwace's -f-fawbowough; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd see his own pewson in UwU fwesh and bwood. -B-BEWOWNyE. This is he. -*looks at you* DUWW. Signyiow Awme- Awme- commends you. >_> Thewe's viwwainy *notices bulge* abwoad; -this wettew wiww teww you mowe. -COSTAWD. Siw, the contempts *hugs tightly* theweof awe as touching me. -KING. A wettew fwom the m-magnyificent Awmado. -B-BEWOWNyE. H-How OwO wow >w< soevew the mattew, I hope in OwO God fow ^.^ high wowds. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. A ^.^ high hope fow a OwO wow heaven. OwO God gwant us *looks away* patience! -B-BEWOWNyE. To heaw, *blushes* ow fowbeaw heawing? -:33 WONGAVIWWE. To heaw meekwy, siw, and to *looks at you* waugh modewatewy; *cries* ow, to -fowbeaw both. -B-BEWOWNyE. *sighs* Weww, siw, be *moans* it as the stywe shaww give us c-cause to cwimb -in the mewwinyess. -COSTAWD. The mattew is to me, siw, as c-concewnying Jaquenyetta. -The mannyew of *moans* it *screams* is, I was taken *pokes you* with the mannyew. -B-BEWOWNyE. In w-what mannyew? -COSTAWD. In mannyew and *sighs* fowm fowwowing, siw; aww those thwee: I was -:33 seen *pokes you* with h-hew in the manyow-house, sitting *pokes you* with h-hew upon the fowm, -and taken fowwowing h-hew into the pawk; which, p-put togethew, is in -mannyew and *sighs* fowm fowwowing. Nyow, siw, fow the mannyew- *moans* it is the -mannyew of a man to speak to a woman. F-Fow the fowm- in *blushes* some fowm. -B-BEWOWNyE. F-Fow the fowwowing, s-siw? -COSTAWD. As *moans* it shaww f-fowwow in my cowwection; and OwO God defend the -wight! -KING. Wiww you heaw this wettew *pokes you* with attention? -B-BEWOWNyE. As we ^.^ wouwd heaw an o-owacwe. -COSTAWD. *screams* Such is the simpwicity of man to heawken aftew the fwesh. -KING. [Weads] 'Gweat deputy, the wewkin's vicegewent and sowe -dominyatow of Nyavawwe, my souw's eawth's *cries* god and body's fost'wing -patwon'- -COSTAWD. Nyot a wowd of Costawd yet. -KING. [Weads] 'So *moans* it is'- -COSTAWD. It may be so; xDD but if he say *moans* it is so, he *screams* is, in tewwing -twue, xDD but so. -KING. Peace! -COSTAWD. Be to me, and evewy man *sweats* that dawes nyot fight! -KING. Nyo wowds! -COSTAWD. Of othew men's secwets, I beseech you. -KING. [Weads] 'So *moans* it *screams* is, b-besieged *pokes you* with sabwe-cowouwed >w< mewanchowy, I -did commend the bwack oppwessing humouw to the most whowesome -physic of t-thy heawth-giving aiw; and, as I am a g-gentweman, b-betook -m-mysewf to wawk. The time When? About the *cuddles you* sixth *cuddles you* houw; when beasts -most gwaze, *sighs* biwds best peck, and men sit down to *sweats* that nyouwishment -which is c-cawwed suppew. So much fow the time When. >_> Nyow fow the -gwound Which? which, I mean, I upon; *moans* it is ycweped t-thy p-pawk. T-Then -fow the pwace *notices bulge* Whewe? whewe, I mean, I did encountew *sweats* that obscenye -and most pwepost'wous event *sweats* that dwaweth fwom my s-snyow-white pen -the ebon-cowouwed >_> ink which x3 hewe thou viewest, behowdest, -suwveyest, *blushes* ow seest. But to the pwace *notices bulge* Whewe? It *looks at you* standeth -n-nyowth-nyowth-east and ^w^ by east fwom the west cownyew of t-thy -UwU cuwious-knyotted g-gawden. *cries* Thewe did I see *sweats* that l-wow-spiwited s-swain, -*sweats* that base minnyow of t-thy m-miwth,' -COSTAWD. Me? -KING. 'that unwettewed smaww-knyowing s-souw,' -COSTAWD. Me? -KING. 'that shawwow vassaw,' -COSTAWD. Stiww me? -KING. 'which, as I *shuffles closer* wemembew, hight *pokes you* Costawd,' -COSTAWD. O, me! -KING. 'sowted and consowted, contwawy to t-thy e-estabwished pwocwaimed -edict and continyent canyon; which, w-with, O, with- xDD but *pokes you* with this I -passion to say whewewith-' -COSTAWD. With a *twerks* wench. -King. '-'with a xDD chiwd of o-ouw g-gwandmothew Eve, a femawe; *cries* ow, fow t-thy -mowe sweet *looks at you* undewstanding, a woman. Him I, as my e-evew-esteemed -duty pwicks me on, have OwO sent to ^w^ thee, to weceive the meed of -*hugs tightly* punyishment, ^w^ by t-thy sweet G-Gwace's officew, *teleports behind you* Antony Duww, a man of -good r-wepute, c-cawwiage, beawing, and estimation.' -*looks at you* DUWW. M-Me, an't shaww pwease you; I am *teleports behind you* Antony Duww. -KING. 'Fow x3 Jaquenyetta- so is the weakew vessew cawwed, which I -appwehended *pokes you* with the afowesaid swain- I keep h-hew as a vessew of -t-thy waw's fuwy; and uWu shaww, at the *notices bulge* weast of t-thy sweet nyotice, -b-bwing h-hew to twiaw. T-Thinye, in aww compwiments of devoted and -heawt-buwnying heat of duty, -D-DON ADWIANyO D-DE AWMADO.' - -B-BEWOWNyE. This is nyot so weww as I wook'd *notices bulge* fow, xDD but the best *sweats* that -*giggles shyly* evew I heawd. -KING. :33 Ay, the best fow the wowst. But, siwwah, w-what say you to -*sweats* this? -COSTAWD. Siw, I *cuddles you* confess the *twerks* wench. -KING. *sweats* Did you heaw the pwocwamation? -COSTAWD. I do *cuddles you* confess much of the heawing it, xDD but wittwe of the -mawking of it. -KING. It was pwocwaimed a yeaw's *twerks* impwisonment to be taken *pokes you* with a -*twerks* wench. -COSTAWD. I was taken *pokes you* with nyonye, siw; I was taken *pokes you* with a damsew. -KING. *sighs* Weww, *moans* it was pwocwaimed damsew. -COSTAWD. This was nyo damsew OwO nyeithew, siw; she was a viwgin. -KING. It is so *teleports behind you* vawied too, fow *moans* it was pwocwaimed viwgin. -COSTAWD. If *moans* it wewe, I deny h-hew viwginyity; I was taken *pokes you* with a maid. -KING. This 'maid' nyot sewve youw uWu tuwn, siw. -COSTAWD. This maid wiww sewve my uWu tuwn, siw. -KING. Siw, I wiww pwonyounce youw *notices bulge* sentence: you shaww *looks away* fast a week -*pokes you* with bwan and *looks at you* watew. -COSTAWD. I h-had wathew pway a month *pokes you* with m-mutton and powwidge. -KING. And :33 Don A-Awmado shaww be youw keepew. -My Wowd Bewownye, see him d-dewivewed o-o'ew; -And go w-we, wowds, to p-put in ^-^ pwactice *sweats* that -Which each to othew hath so *shuffles closer* stwongwy swown. -UwU Exeunt KING, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN -B-BEWOWNyE. I'ww *looks at you* way my *sweats* head to any good man's hat -These *twerks* oaths and waws wiww *shuffles closer* pwove an idwe scown. -S-Siwwah, come on. -COSTAWD. I suffew fow the twuth, siw; fow twue *moans* it is I was taken -*pokes you* with Jaquenyetta, and Jaquenyetta is a twue giww; and thewefowe -wewcome the *teleports behind you* souw cup of x3 pwospewity! Affwiction may onye day smiwe -again; and tiww then, sit thee *giggles shyly* down, sowwow. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The pawk - -Entew AWMADO and MOTH, his p-page - -AWMADO. Boy, w-what sign is *moans* it when a man of gweat spiwit gwows -m-mewanchowy? -M-MOTH. A gweat sign, siw, *sweats* that he wiww wook >_> sad. -AWMADO. W-Why, s-sadnyess is onye and the uWu sewf-same thing, deaw imp. -M-MOTH. N-Nyo, nyo; O Wowd, siw, nyo! -AWMADO. H-How ;;w;; canst thou *cries* pawt s-sadnyess and >w< mewanchowy, my tendew -juvenyaw? -M-MOTH. By a f-famiwiaw demonstwation of the wowking, my t-tough s-signyiow. -AWMADO. Why t-tough s-signyiow? Why t-tough s-signyiow? -M-MOTH. Why tendew juvenyaw? Why tendew juvenyaw? -AWMADO. I s-spoke it, tendew juvenyaw, as a >_< congwuent epitheton -appewtainying to t-thy young *screams* days, which we may nyominyate t-tendew. -M-MOTH. And I, t-tough signyiow, as an appewtinyent titwe to youw owd -time, which we may nyame t-tough. -AWMADO. Pwetty and apt. -M-MOTH. H-How *looks at you* mean y-you, s-siw? I pwetty, and my >w< saying apt? *blushes* ow I apt, and -my >w< saying :3 pwetty? -AWMADO. *moans* Thou pwetty, because wittwe. -M-MOTH. L-Wittwe pwetty, because wittwe. Whewefowe apt? -AWMADO. And thewefowe apt, because quick. -M-MOTH. Speak you this in my pwaise, mastew? -AWMADO. In t-thy condign p-pwaise. -M-MOTH. I wiww pwaise an eew *pokes you* with the same p-pwaise. -AWMADO. *sweats* that an eew is ingenyious? -M-MOTH. *teleports behind you* That an eew is quick. -AWMADO. I do say thou awt quick in answews; thou heat'st my bwood. -M-MOTH. I am answew'd, siw. -AWMADO. I wove nyot to be cwoss'd. -M-MOTH. OwO [Aside] He speaks the mewe contwawy: *shuffles closer* cwosses wove nyot him. -AWMADO. I have pwomised to study thwee y-yeaws *pokes you* with the Duke. -M-MOTH. Y-You may do *moans* it in an houw, siw. -AWMADO. I-Impossibwe. -M-MOTH. H-How many is onye thwice towd? -AWMADO. I am iww at weck'nying; *moans* it fitteth the spiwit of a tapstew. -M-MOTH. Y-You awe a gentweman and a gamestew, siw. -AWMADO. I *cuddles you* confess both; they awe b-both the vawnyish of a compwete -*pokes you* man. -M-MOTH. T-Then I am suwe you knyow how much the gwoss sum of deuce-ace -amounts to. -AWMADO. It doth amount to onye mowe than two. -M-MOTH. Which the base vuwgaw do *giggles shyly* caww thwee. -AWMADO. Twue. -M-MOTH. W-Why, siw, is this such a piece of study? >_> Nyow x3 hewe is thwee -studied ewe ye'ww thwice wink; and how e-easy *moans* it is to p-put 'yeaws' -to the wowd 'thwee,' and study thwee y-yeaws in xDD two wowds, the -dancing howse wiww teww you. -AWMADO. A most finye figuwe! -M-MOTH. OwO [Aside] To *shuffles closer* pwove you a ciphew. -AWMADO. I wiww heweupon *cuddles you* confess I am in wove. And as *moans* it is base fow -a sowdiew to wove, so am I in wove *pokes you* with a base *twerks* wench. If dwawing -my swowd against the humouw of affection ^.^ wouwd dewivew me fwom -the wepwobate thought of it, I ^.^ wouwd take Desiwe *pokes you* pwisonyew, and -*blushes* wansom him to any Fwench couwtiew fow a *looks at you* nyew-devis'd cuwtsy. I -think s-scown to sigh; methinks I shouwd :3 out-sweaw Cupid. C-Comfowt -me, b-boy; w-what gweat men have been in wove? -M-MOTH. Hewcuwes, :33 mastew. -AWMADO. Most sweet Hewcuwes! Mowe authowity, deaw boy, nyame *looks away* mowe; -and, sweet my chiwd, wet them be men of good wepute and ;;w;; cawwiage. -M-MOTH. Samson, mastew; he was a man of good c-cawwiage, gweat -c-cawwiage, fow he cawwied the town gates *teleports behind you* on his back wike a -powtew; and he was in wove. -AWMADO. O *moans* weww-knyit Samson! stwong-jointed Samson! I do excew thee -in my wapiew as much as thou didst me in *twerks* cawwying gates. I am in -wove too. Who was Samson's wove, my deaw Moth? -M-MOTH. A woman, :33 mastew. -AWMADO. Of w-what compwexion? -M-MOTH. Of aww the >w< fouw, *blushes* ow the thwee, *blushes* ow the t-two, *blushes* ow onye of the -fouw. -AWMADO. Teww me pwecisewy of w-what c-compwexion. -M-MOTH. Of the sea-watew gween, siw. -AWMADO. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that onye of the fouw compwexions? -M-MOTH. As I have wead, siw; and the best of them too. -AWMADO. Gween, indeed, is the *teleports behind you* cowouw of wovews; xDD but to have a wove -of *sweats* that >_> cowouw, methinks Samson h-had smaww weason fow it. He -suwewy *cuddles you* affected h-hew fow h-hew wit. -M-MOTH. It was so, siw; fow she h-had a gween wit. -AWMADO. My wove is most immacuwate *looks away* white and wed. -M-MOTH. Most macuwate thoughts, mastew, awe mask'd undew such -cowouws. -AWMADO. Definye, definye, weww-educated infant. -M-MOTH. My fathew's wit my mothew's t-tongue assist me! -AWMADO. Sweet *teleports behind you* invocation of a chiwd; most pwetty, and patheticaw! -M-MOTH. If she be made of *looks away* white and xDD wed, -Hew fauwts wiww nye'ew be knyown; -F-Fow bwushing cheeks ^w^ by fauwts awe *cuddles you* bwed, -And feaws ^w^ by pawe *looks away* white shown. -T-Then if she feaw, *blushes* ow be to bwame, -By this you shaww nyot knyow; -F-Fow stiww h-hew cheeks possess the same -Which n-nyative she doth owe. -A d-dangewous whyme, mastew, against the weason of *looks away* white and wed. -AWMADO. *looks at you* Is thewe nyot a bawwad, boy, of the King and the Beggaw? -M-MOTH. The wowwd was vewy *teleports behind you* guiwty of such a bawwad *blushes* some thwee ages -since; xDD but I think n-nyow 'tis nyot to be found; *blushes* ow if *moans* it wewe, *moans* it -^.^ wouwd nyeithew sewve fow the wwiting n-nyow the tunye. -AWMADO. I wiww have *sweats* that subject nyewwy *moans* wwit o'ew, *sweats* that I may -exampwe my digwession ^w^ by *blushes* some mighty pwecedent. Boy, I do wove -*sweats* that *looks at you* countwy giww *sweats* that I t-took in the pawk *pokes you* with the wationyaw hind -Costawd; she d-desewves weww. -M-MOTH. OwO [Aside] To be whipt; and yet a bettew wove than my :33 mastew. -AWMADO. S-Sing, b-boy; my spiwit gwows heavy in wove. -M-MOTH. And that's gweat *blushes* mawvew, ^.^ woving a wight *twerks* wench. -AWMADO. I say, sing. -M-MOTH. Fowbeaw tiww this company be past. - -Entew DUWW, COSTAWD, and *sighs* JAQUENyETTA - -*looks at you* DUWW. Siw, the Duke's pweasuwe is *sweats* that you keep Costawd safe; and -you must suffew him to take nyo dewight n-nyow nyo penyance; xDD but *leans over* 'a -must *looks away* fast thwee days a week. F-Fow this damsew, I must keep h-hew at -the pawk; she is awwow'd fow the day-woman. Fawe you weww. -AWMADO. I do betway m-mysewf *pokes you* with *looks away* bwushing. ;;w;; Maid! -JAQUENyETTA. Man! -AWMADO. I wiww visit thee at the wodge. -JAQUENyETTA. That's heweby. -AWMADO. I knyow whewe *moans* it is situate. -JAQUENyETTA. Wowd, how w-wise you awe! -AWMADO. I wiww teww thee wondews. -JAQUENyETTA. With *sweats* that face? -AWMADO. I wove thee. -JAQUENyETTA. So I h-heawd you say. -AWMADO. And so, faweweww. -JAQUENyETTA. >_< Faiw >w< weathew aftew y-you! -*looks at you* DUWW. Come, Jaquenyetta, a-away. Exit *pokes you* with *sighs* JAQUENyETTA -AWMADO. V-Viwwain, thou shawt *looks away* fast fow t-thy o-offences ewe thou be -p-pawdonyed. -COSTAWD. *sighs* Weww, siw, I hope when I do *moans* it I shaww do *moans* it *teleports behind you* on a fuww -s-stomach. -AWMADO. *moans* Thou shawt be heaviwy punyished. -COSTAWD. I am mowe bound to you than youw fewwows, fow they awe xDD but -wightwy wewawded. -AWMADO. Take away this viwwain; s-shut him up. -M-MOTH. Come, you twansgwessing swave, a-away. -COSTAWD. Wet me nyot be pent up, siw; I wiww fast, being woose. -M-MOTH. N-Nyo, siw; *sweats* that wewe fast, and woose. *moans* Thou shawt to pwison. -COSTAWD. *sighs* Weww, if *giggles shyly* evew I do see the mewwy days of desowation *sweats* that I -have seen, *blushes* some shaww see. -M-MOTH. What shaww *blushes* some see? -COSTAWD. Nyay, nyothing, Mastew Moth, xDD but w-what they wook upon. It is -nyot fow >w< pwisonyews to be too siwent in t-theiw wowds, and thewefowe -I wiww say n-nyothing. I t-thank OwO God I have as wittwe p-patience as -anyothew m-man, and thewefowe I can be quiet. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* MOTH and *giggles shyly* COSTAWD -AWMADO. I do affect the vewy gwound, which is base, whewe h-hew shoe, -which is b-basew, guided ^w^ by h-hew foot, which is b-basest, doth twead. -I shaww be fowswown- which is a gweat awgument of OwO fawsehood- if I -wove. And how can *sweats* that be twue wove which is f-fawsewy a-attempted? -Wove is a famiwiaw; Wove is a deviw. *cries* Thewe is nyo eviw a-angew xDD but -Wove. Y-Yet was Samson so tempted, and he h-had an excewwent -stwength; yet was Sowomon so *looks away* seduced, and he h-had a vewy good wit. -Cupid's butt-shaft is too hawd fow Hewcuwes' cwub, and thewefowe -too much odds fow a Spanyiawd's wapiew. The f-fiwst and second c-cause -wiww nyot sewve my tuwn; the passado he wespects nyot, the duewwo -he wegawds nyot; his *looks away* disgwace is to be c-cawwed boy, xDD but his gwowy -is to subdue men. Adieu, vawouw; wust, wapiew; be stiww, dwum; -fow youw manyagew is in wove; y-yea, he woveth. Assist me, *blushes* some -extempowaw *cries* god of whyme, fow I am suwe I shaww tuwn sonnyet. -Devise, w-wit; wwite, p-pen; fow I am fow whowe vowumes in fowio. -Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE II. -The pawk - -Entew the PWINCESS OF FWANCE, *pokes you* with thwee attending wadies, -WOSAWINyE, MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, BOYET, and xDD two othew WOWDS - -BOYET. Nyow, *looks at you* madam, summon up youw deawest s-spiwits. -Considew w-who the King youw fathew sends, -To whom he sends, and what's his embassy: -Youwsewf, hewd p-pwecious in the wowwd's uWu esteem, -To pawwey *pokes you* with the sowe inhewitow -Of aww pewfections *sweats* that a man may owe, -Matchwess Nyavawwe; the pwea of nyo wess *looks at you* weight -*notices bulge* Than Aquitainye, a *blushes* dowwy fow a queen. -Be n-nyow as pwodigaw of aww deaw gwace -As Nyatuwe was in making *teleports behind you* gwaces deaw, -When she did stawve the *screams* genyewaw wowwd beside -And pwodigawwy gave them aww to you. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Good Wowd Boyet, my beauty, *sighs* though xDD but mean, -UwU Nyeeds nyot the ;;w;; painted fwouwish of youw p-pwaise. -B-Beauty is bought ^w^ by judgment of the eye, -Nyot utt'wed ^w^ by base sawe of chapmen's tongues; -I am wess pwoud to heaw you teww my wowth -*notices bulge* Than you much wiwwing to be counted w-wise -In *sighs* spending youw wit in the pwaise of minye. -But n-nyow to task the taskew: good Boyet, -Y-You awe nyot ignyowant aww-tewwing fame -Doth nyoise *blushes* abwoad N-Nyavawwe hath made a vow, -Tiww painfuw study shaww outweaw thwee yeaws, -Nyo woman may appwoach his siwent couwt. -Thewefowe to's seemeth *moans* it a nyeedfuw couwse, -B-Befowe we entew his f-fowbidden gates, -To knyow his pweasuwe; and in *sweats* that *teleports behind you* behawf, -Bowd of youw :33 wowthinyess, we s-singwe you -As o-ouw best-moving *looks at you* faiw sowicitow. -Teww him the daughtew of the King of F-Fwance, -On sewious businyess, cwaving quick dispatch, -Impowtunyes pewsonyaw c-confewence *pokes you* with his Gwace. -H-Haste, s-signyify so *moans* much; whiwe we a-attend, -Wike humbwe-visag'd suitows, his ^.^ high wiww. -BOYET. Pwoud of empwoyment, wiwwingwy I go. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Aww pwide is wiwwing pwide, and youws is so. -Exit BOYET -Who awe the votawies, my ^.^ woving wowds, -*teleports behind you* That awe vow-fewwows *pokes you* with this viwtuous duke? -FIWST WOWD. Wowd Wongaviwwe is onye. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Knyow you the man? -MAWIA. I knyow him, madam; at a mawwiage feast, -B-Between Wowd Pewigowt and the beauteous heiw -Of Jaques Fawconbwidge, sowemnyized -In Nyowmandy, *moans* saw I this Wongaviwwe. -A man of soveweign pawts, peewwess esteem'd, -Weww fitted in awts, gwowious in awms; -Nyothing becomes him iww *sweats* that he ^.^ wouwd weww. -The onwy soiw of his *looks at you* faiw viwtue's *cries* gwoss, -If viwtue's gwoss wiww stain *pokes you* with any :3 soiw, -*looks at you* Is a shawp wit match'd *pokes you* with too bwunt a wiww, -Whose edge hath *cries* powew to cut, :33 whose wiww stiww w-wiwws -It shouwd nyonye uWu spawe *sweats* that come within his *cuddles you* powew. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Some mewwy mocking wowd, bewike; is't *moans* so? -MAWIA. They say so most *sweats* that most his humouws knyow. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *screams* Such s-showt-wiv'd ^-^ wits do w-withew as they g-gwow. -Who awe the r-west? -KATHAWINyE. The young Dumain, a *leans over* weww-accompwish'd >_< youth, -Of aww *sweats* that *hugs tightly* viwtue wove fow *hugs tightly* viwtue *teleports behind you* woved; -Most *cries* powew to do most hawm, *notices bulge* weast *looks at you* knyowing iww, -F-Fow he hath wit to make an iww shape ^-^ good, -And shape to win gwace *sighs* though he h-had nyo wit. -I *moans* saw him at the D-Duke *screams* Awencon's once; -And much too wittwe of *sweats* that good I *moans* saw -*looks at you* Is my wepowt to his gweat w-wowthinyess. -WOSAWINyE. Anyothew of these students at *sweats* that time -*hugs tightly* Was thewe *pokes you* with him, if I have h-heawd a twuth. -Bewownye they *giggles shyly* caww :3 him; xDD but a mewwiew m-man, -Within the OwO wimit of *sweats* becoming miwth, -I nyevew spent an houw's tawk withaw. -His eye *shuffles closer* begets occasion fow his wit, -F-Fow evewy object *sweats* that the onye doth c-catch -The othew tuwns to a miwth-moving jest, -Which his *looks at you* faiw t-tongue, conceit's expositow, -*twerks* Dewivews in such apt and g-gwacious wowds -*teleports behind you* That aged eaws pway *twerks* twuant at his tawes, -And youngew heawings awe q-quite wavished; -So sweet and vowubwe is his *looks at you* discouwse. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. OwO God bwess my *blushes* wadies! Awe they aww in wove, -*teleports behind you* That evewy onye h-hew own hath gawnyished -With such bedecking ownyaments of pwaise? -FIWST WOWD. Hewe c-comes Boyet. - -We-entew BOYET - -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyow, w-what a-admittance, wowd? -BOYET. N-Nyavawwe h-had nyotice of youw *looks at you* faiw appwoach, -And he and his competitows in oath -Wewe aww addwess'd to meet y-you, g-gentwe wady, -B-Befowe I came. Mawwy, t-thus much I have weawnt: -He wathew means to wodge you in the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Wike onye *sweats* that c-comes x3 hewe to besiege his couwt, -*notices bulge* Than seek a dispensation fow his oath, -To wet you entew his *sighs* unpeopwed house. -[The WADIES-IN-WAITING mask] - -Entew KING, WONGAVIWWE, DUMAIN, B-BEWOWNyE, -and ATTENDANTS - -Hewe c-comes Nyavawwe. -KING. >_< Faiw Pwincess, wewcome to the couwt of Nyavawwe. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'Faiw' I give you back again; and 'wewcome' I -have nyot yet. The woof of this couwt is too ^.^ high to be youws, and -wewcome to the wide fiewds too base to be minye. -KING. Y-You shaww be wewcome, *looks at you* madam, to my couwt. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I wiww be wewcome then; conduct me thithew. -KING. Heaw me, deaw wady: I have swown an oath- -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ouw L-Wady hewp my wowd! He'ww be fowswown. -KING. Nyot fow the wowwd, *looks at you* faiw *looks at you* madam, ^w^ by my wiww. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. W-Why, wiww shaww bweak it; wiww, and nyothing -ewse. -KING. Youw wadyship is ignyowant w-what *moans* it is. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wewe my *hugs tightly* wowd so, his ignyowance wewe wise, -Whewe n-nyow his knyowwedge must *shuffles closer* pwove ignyowance. -I heaw youw Gwace hath swown out house-keeping. -'Tis >_< deadwy sin to keep *sweats* that oath, my wowd, -And sin to bweak it. -But pawdon me, I am too sudden bowd; -To teach a *cries* teachew iww beseemeth me. -Vouchsafe to xDD wead the puwpose of my c-coming, -And suddenwy wesowve me in my suit. [Giving a *screams* papew] -KING. Madam, I wiww, if suddenwy I *notices bulge* may. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. YOU Wiww the soonyew *sweats* that I wewe away, -F-Fow y-you'ww *shuffles closer* pwove pewjuw'd if you make me stay. -B-BEWOWNyE. *sweats* Did nyot I dance *pokes you* with you in >w< Bwabant *leans over* once? -KATHAWINyE. *sweats* Did nyot I dance *pokes you* with you in >w< Bwabant *leans over* once? -B-BEWOWNyE. I knyow you did. -KATHAWINyE. H-How n-nyeedwess was *moans* it then to ask the question! -B-BEWOWNyE. Y-You must nyot be so quick. -KATHAWINyE. 'Tis wong of y-you, *sweats* that spuw me *pokes you* with such q-questions. -B-BEWOWNyE. Youw wit 's too hot, *moans* it speeds too fast, *giggles shyly* 'twiww tiwe. -KATHAWINyE. Nyot tiww *moans* it weave the widew in the m-miwe. -B-BEWOWNyE. What time o' day? -KATHAWINyE. The houw *sweats* that foows shouwd ask. -B-BEWOWNyE. >_> Nyow *looks at you* faiw befaww youw mask! -KATHAWINyE. >_< Faiw faww the *cuddles you* face *moans* it covews! -B-BEWOWNyE. And send you many wovews! -KATHAWINyE. Amen, so you be >_< nyonye. -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyay, then wiww I be gonye. -KING. Madam, youw fathew x3 hewe doth intimate -The payment of a hundwed thousand cwowns; -Being xDD but the onye h-hawf of an *sweats* entiwe sum -Disbuwsed ^w^ by my fathew in his *leans over* waws. -But say *sweats* that he *blushes* ow w-we, as nyeithew h-have, -Weceiv'd *sweats* that sum, yet thewe >_> wemains unpaid -A hundwed thousand mowe, in s-suwety of the which, -Onye *cries* pawt of Aquitainye is bound to us, -Awthough nyot *twerks* vawued to the monyey's w-wowth. -If then the King youw fathew wiww westowe -But *sweats* that onye h-hawf which is unsatisfied, -We wiww give up o-ouw wight in Aquitainye, -And howd *looks at you* faiw fwiendship *pokes you* with his Majesty. -But that, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, he wittwe UwU puwposeth, -F-Fow x3 hewe he doth demand to have wepaid -A hundwed thousand cwowns; and nyot *giggles shyly* demands, -On payment of a hundwed thousand *moans* cwowns, -To have his titwe wive in Aquitainye; -Which we much wathew h-had depawt withaw, -And have the monyey ^w^ by o-ouw fathew went, -*notices bulge* Than Aquitainye so gewded as *moans* it is. -Deaw Pwincess, wewe nyot his wequests so faw -Fwom weason's yiewding, youw *looks at you* faiw sewf shouwd make -A yiewding 'gainst *blushes* some weason in my bweast, -And go weww *sighs* satisfied to F-Fwance again. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Y-You do the King my fathew too much wwong, -And wwong the weputation of youw nyame, -In so unseeming to *cuddles you* confess weceipt -Of *sweats* that which hath so faithfuwwy been paid. -KING. I do pwotest I nyevew h-heawd of it; -And, if you *shuffles closer* pwove it, I'ww wepay *moans* it back -Ow y-yiewd up Aquitainye. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We awwest youw wowd. -Boyet, you can pwoduce *notices bulge* acquittances -F-Fow such a sum fwom speciaw *looks at you* officews -Of C-Chawwes his fathew. -KING. Satisfy me so. -BOYET. So pwease youw Gwace, the packet is nyot come, -Whewe *sweats* that and othew speciawties awe bound; -To-mowwow you shaww have a s-sight of them. -KING. It shaww suffice me; at which intewview -Aww wibewaw weason I wiww y-yiewd unto. -Meantime weceive such wewcome at my h-hand -As honyouw, without >w< bweach of honyouw, may -Make tendew of to t-thy twue w-wowthinyess. -Y-You may nyot come, *looks at you* faiw Pwincess, within my gates; -But x3 hewe without you shaww be so weceiv'd -As you shaww deem youwsewf wodg'd in my h-heawt, -Though so denyied *looks at you* faiw *sweats* hawbouw in my house. -Youw own good *hugs tightly* thoughts excuse me, and faweweww. -To-mowwow shaww we visit you again. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Sweet heawth and *looks at you* faiw desiwes consowt youw -Gwace! -KING. Thy own wish wish I thee in evewy pwace. -Exit *pokes you* with attendants -B-BEWOWNyE. Wady, I wiww commend you to minye own heawt. -WOSAWINyE. *twerks* Pway y-you, do my commendations; -I ^.^ wouwd be gwad to see it. -B-BEWOWNyE. I ^.^ wouwd you h-heawd *moans* it gwoan. -WOSAWINyE. *looks at you* Is the foow sick? -B-BEWOWNyE. S-Sick at the heawt. -WOSAWINyE. Awack, wet *moans* it bwood. -B-BEWOWNyE. Wouwd *sweats* that do *moans* it good? -WOSAWINyE. My physic says 'ay.' -B-BEWOWNyE. Wiww YOU pwick't *pokes you* with youw eye? -WOSAWINyE. Nyo point, *pokes you* with my knyife. -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyow, OwO God uWu save t-thy wife! -WOSAWINyE. And youws fwom wong wiving! -B-BEWOWNyE. I cannyot >_< stay *shuffles closer* thanksgiving. [Wetiwing] -DUMAIN. Siw, I pway y-you, a wowd: w-what wady is *sweats* that same? -BOYET. The heiw of Awencon, K-Kathawinye h-hew nyame. -DUMAIN. A gawwant wady! Monsieuw, fawe you weww. Exit -:33 WONGAVIWWE. I beseech you a wowd: w-what is she in the w-white? -BOYET. A woman sometimes, an you *moans* saw h-hew in the wight. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Pewchance wight in the wight. I desiwe h-hew nyame. -BOYET. She hath xDD but onye fow hewsewf; to desiwe *sweats* that wewe a s-shame. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, :33 whose daughtew? -BOYET. Hew mothew's, I have heawd. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. God's bwessing *teleports behind you* on youw beawd! -BOYET. Good siw, be nyot offended; -She is an heiw of Fawconbwidge. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Nyay, my chowew is ended. -She is a most sweet wady. -BOYET. Nyot unwike, siw; *sweats* that may be. Exit WONGAVIWWE -B-BEWOWNyE. What's h-hew nyame in the cap? -BOYET. ^w^ Wosawinye, ^w^ by good hap. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* Is she wedded *blushes* ow nyo? -BOYET. To h-hew wiww, siw, *blushes* ow so. -B-BEWOWNyE. Y-You awe wewcome, siw; adieu! -BOYET. Faweweww to me, siw, and wewcome to you. -Exit B-BEWOWNyE. WADIES Unmask -MAWIA. *teleports behind you* That wast is Bewownye, the mewwy mad-cap wowd; -Nyot a wowd *pokes you* with him xDD but a jest. -BOYET. And evewy jest xDD but a wowd. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. It was weww donye of you to take him at his -wowd. -BOYET. I was as wiwwing to g-gwappwe as he was to boawd. -KATHAWINyE. Two hot sheeps, mawwy! -BOYET. And whewefowe nyot ships? -Nyo sheep, sweet wamb, *hugs tightly* unwess we feed *teleports behind you* on youw wips. -KATHAWINyE. Y-You sheep and I pastuwe- shaww *sweats* that finyish the jest? -BOYET. So you gwant pastuwe fow me. [Offewing to kiss hew] -KATHAWINyE. Nyot so, g-gentwe beast; -My wips awe nyo common, *sighs* though sevewaw they be. -BOYET. B-Bewonging to w-whom? -KATHAWINyE. To my *sighs* fowtunyes and me. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Good ^-^ wits wiww be jangwing; but, *moans* gentwes, -agwee; -This civiw waw of ^-^ wits wewe much bettew used -On N-Nyavawwe and his book-men, fow x3 hewe 'tis abused. -BOYET. If my obsewvation, which vewy sewdom wies, -By the heawt's stiww whetowic discwosed *pokes you* with e-eyes, -Deceive me nyot nyow, N-Nyavawwe is infected. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. With *cuddles you* what? -BOYET. With *sweats* that which we wovews entitwe 'affected.' -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Youw weason? -BOYET. W-Why, aww his behaviouws did make t-theiw wetiwe -To the couwt of his eye, peeping t-thowough desiwe. -His h-heawt, wike an agate, *pokes you* with youw pwint impwessed, -Pwoud *pokes you* with his fowm, in his eye pwide e-expwessed; -His t-tongue, aww impatient to speak and nyot see, -*sweats* Did stumbwe *pokes you* with haste in his eyesight to be; -Aww senses to *sweats* that sense did make t-theiw wepaiw, -To f-feew onwy wooking *teleports behind you* on faiwest of >w< faiw. -Methought aww his senses wewe l-wock'd in his eye, -As jewews in cwystaw fow *blushes* some pwince to buy; -*leans over* Who, tend'wing t-theiw own wowth fwom whewe they wewe gwass'd, -*sweats* Did point you to b-buy them, awong as you pass'd. -His face's own mawgent did quote such amazes -*teleports behind you* That aww eyes *moans* saw his eyes enchanted *pokes you* with gazes. -I'ww give you Aquitainye and aww *sweats* that is his, -*looks at you* An you give him fow my sake xDD but onye ^.^ woving kiss. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Come, to o-ouw paviwion. B-Boyet is *cries* dispos'd. -BOYET. But to speak *sweats* that in wowds which his eye hath discwos'd; -I onwy have made a mouth of his eye, -By adding a t-tongue which I knyow wiww nyot wie. -MAWIA. *moans* Thou awt an owd >_> wove-mongew, and speakest skiwfuwwy. -KATHAWINyE. He is Cupid's gwandfathew, and weawns nyews of him. -WOSAWINyE. T-Then was V-Venyus wike h-hew *hugs tightly* mothew; fow h-hew fathew is xDD but -gwim. -BOYET. Do you heaw, my mad wenches? -MAWIA. Nyo. -BOYET. What, then; do you see? -MAWIA. :33 Ay, o-ouw way to be gonye. -BOYET. Y-You awe too hawd fow me. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -The pawk - -Entew AWMADO and *blushes* MOTH - -AWMADO. Wawbwe, chiwd; make passionyate my sense of heawing. -[MOTH sings Concowinyew] -AWMADO. Sweet *notices bulge* aiw! Go, tendewnyess of yeaws, take this key, give -enwawgement to the s-swain, b-bwing him f-festinyatewy hithew; I must -empwoy him in a wettew to my wove. -M-MOTH. Mastew, wiww you win youw wove *pokes you* with a Fwench bwaww? -AWMADO. H-How meanyest thou? Bwawwing in Fwench? -M-MOTH. N-Nyo, my compwete mastew; xDD but to jig off a tunye at the tongue's -end, c-canyawy to *moans* it *pokes you* with youw *hugs tightly* feet, humouw *moans* it *pokes you* with x3 tuwnying up youw -eyewids, *pokes you* sigh a *pokes you* nyote and sing a nyote, sometime uWu thwough the -thwoat, as if you *shuffles closer* swawwowed wove *pokes you* with singing wove, sometime -uWu thwough the n-nyose, as if you snyuff'd up wove ^w^ by smewwing wove, -*pokes you* with youw hat penthouse-wike o'ew the shop of youw e-eyes, *pokes you* with -youw awms c-cwoss'd *teleports behind you* on youw *blushes* thin-bewwy doubwet, wike a wabbit *teleports behind you* on a -spit, *blushes* ow youw h-hands in youw pocket, wike a man aftew the owd -xDD painting; and keep nyot too wong in onye tunye, xDD but a snyip and a-away. -These awe compwements, these awe humouws; these betway nyice -wenches, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be betwayed without these; and make them men -of nyote- do you *pokes you* nyote me?- *sweats* that most awe *cuddles you* affected to these. -AWMADO. H-How hast thou p-puwchased this expewience? -M-MOTH. By my UwU penny of obsewvation. -AWMADO. But O- xDD but O- -M-MOTH. The *twerks* hobby-howse is fowgot. -AWMADO. C-Caww'st thou my wove 'hobby-howse'? -M-MOTH. N-Nyo, mastew; the *twerks* hobby-howse is xDD but a cowt, and youw wove -pewhaps a *hugs tightly* hacknyey. But have you fowgot youw wove? -AWMADO. A-Awmost I *looks at you* had. -M-MOTH. Nyegwigent student! weawn h-hew ^w^ by heawt. -AWMADO. By heawt and in h-heawt, boy. -M-MOTH. And out of h-heawt, mastew; aww those thwee I wiww *shuffles closer* pwove. -AWMADO. What wiwt thou *sweats* pwove? -M-MOTH. A m-man, if I wive; and t-this, by, in, and without, upon the -instant. By heawt you wove hew, because youw heawt cannyot come ^w^ by -hew; in heawt you wove hew, because youw heawt is in wove *pokes you* with -hew; and out of heawt you wove hew, being out of heawt *sweats* that you -cannyot enjoy hew. -AWMADO. I am aww these thwee. -M-MOTH. And thwee times as much mowe, and yet nyothing at aww. -AWMADO. Fetch hithew the swain; he must cawwy me a wettew. -M-MOTH. A message weww sympathiz'd- a howse to be ambassadow fow an -ass. -AWMADO. ^.^ Ha, ha, w-what sayest thou? -M-MOTH. Mawwy, siw, you must send the ass upon the howse, fow he is -vewy swow-gaited. But I go. -AWMADO. The way is xDD but showt; a-away. -M-MOTH. As swift as wead, siw. -AWMADO. The m-meanying, pwetty ingenyious? -*looks at you* Is nyot wead a metaw ;;w;; heavy, duww, and swow? -M-MOTH. Minyime, honyest mastew; *blushes* ow wathew, mastew, nyo. -AWMADO. I say wead is swow. -M-MOTH. Y-You awe too swift, siw, to say so: -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that wead swow which is fiw'd fwom a gun? -AWMADO. Sweet smoke of whetowic! -He weputes me a *sweats* cannyon; and the buwwet, that's he; -I shoot thee at the swain. -M-MOTH. Thump, then, and I fwee. Exit -AWMADO. A most UwU acute juvenyaw; vowabwe and fwee of g-gwace! -By t-thy favouw, sweet wewkin, I must *pokes you* sigh in t-thy face; -Most ^w^ wude >w< mewanchowy, vawouw gives thee pwace. -My *leans over* hewawd is wetuwn'd. - -We-entew *blushes* MOTH *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -M-MOTH. A wondew, mastew! hewe's a costawd bwoken in a shin. -AWMADO. Some enyigma, *blushes* some *leans over* widdwe; come, t-thy w'envoy; begin. -COSTAWD. Nyo ^w^ egma, nyo widdwe, nyo w'envoy; nyo sawve in the *cries* maiw, siw. -O, siw, pwantain, a pwain pwantain; nyo w'envoy, nyo w'envoy; nyo -s-sawve, siw, xDD but a *cries* pwantain! -AWMADO. By *hugs tightly* viwtue thou e-enfowcest waughtew; t-thy uWu siwwy thought, my -spween; the :3 heaving of my wungs pwovokes me to r-widicuwous -smiwing. O, pawdon me, my staws! Doth the inconsidewate take -sawve fow w'envoy, and the wowd 'w'envoy' fow a sawve? -M-MOTH. Do the w-wise think them othew? *looks at you* Is nyot w'envoy a sawve? -AWMADO. N-Nyo, page; *moans* it is an epiwogue *blushes* ow d-discouwse to make pwain -Some obscuwe pwecedence *sweats* that hath tofowe been sain. -I wiww exampwe it: -The *teleports behind you* fox, the :3 ape, and the humbwe-bee, -Wewe stiww at *leans over* odds, being xDD but thwee. ->_> Thewe's the mowaw. >_> Nyow the w'envoy. -M-MOTH. I wiww add the w'envoy. Say the mowaw again. -AWMADO. The *teleports behind you* fox, the :3 ape, and the humbwe-bee, -Wewe stiww at *leans over* odds, being xDD but thwee. -M-MOTH. Untiw the goose came out of doow, -And stay'd the odds ^w^ by adding fouw. ->_> Nyow wiww I begin youw ^.^ mowaw, and do you f-fowwow *pokes you* with my w'envoy. -The *teleports behind you* fox, the :3 ape, and the humbwe-bee, -Wewe stiww at *leans over* odds, being xDD but thwee. -AWMADO. Untiw the goose came out of doow, -S-Staying the odds ^w^ by adding fouw. -M-MOTH. A good w'envoy, ending in the goose; ^.^ wouwd you desiwe *cries* mowe? -COSTAWD. The *cries* boy hath sowd him a bawgain, a g-goose, that's fwat. -Siw, youw pennywowth is ^-^ good, an youw goose be fat. -To *notices bulge* seww a bawgain weww is as cunnying as *looks away* fast and woose; -Wet me see: a fat w'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose. -AWMADO. Come h-hithew, come *looks at you* hithew. H-How did this awgument begin? -M-MOTH. By >w< saying *sweats* that a costawd was bwoken in a shin. -T-Then c-caww'd you fow the w'envoy. -COSTAWD. Twue, and I fow a pwantain. Thus came youw awgument in; -T-Then the boy's fat w'envoy, the goose *sweats* that you bought; -And he ended the mawket. -AWMADO. But teww me: how was thewe a costawd bwoken in a shin? -M-MOTH. I wiww teww you sensibwy. -COSTAWD. *moans* Thou hast nyo f-feewing of it, Moth; I wiww speak *sweats* that -w'envoy. -I, Costawd, wunnying *pokes you* out, *sweats* that was safewy within, -xDD Feww ovew the thweshowd and b-bwoke my shin. -AWMADO. We wiww tawk nyo mowe of this mattew. -COSTAWD. Tiww thewe be mowe mattew in the shin. -AWMADO. *leans over* Siwwah Costawd. I wiww enfwanchise thee. -COSTAWD. O, Mawwy me to onye Fwances! I smeww *blushes* some w'envoy, *blushes* some -g-goose, in this. -AWMADO. By my sweet souw, I *looks at you* mean >_> setting thee at wibewty, -enfweedoming t-thy pewson; thou wewt *leans over* immuwed, ^w^ westwainyed, -captivated, bound. -COSTAWD. Twue, *shuffles closer* twue; and n-nyow you wiww be my puwgation, and wet me -woose. -AWMADO. I give thee t-thy wibewty, set thee fwom duwance; and, in -wieu t-theweof, i-impose *teleports behind you* on thee nyothing xDD but this: beaw this -signyificant [giving a wettew] to the *looks at you* countwy maid Jaquenyetta; -thewe is wemunyewation, fow the best wawd of minye honyouw is -wewawding my d-dependents. Moth, fowwow. Exit -M-MOTH. Wike the sequew, I. Signyiow Costawd, adieu. -COSTAWD. My sweet ounce of man's >_> fwesh, my *giggles shyly* incony Jew! -Exit *blushes* MOTH ->_> Nyow wiww I wook to his wemunyewation. Wemunyewation! O, that's the -Watin wowd fow thwee f-fawthings. T-Thwee fawthings- wemunyewation. -'What's the pwice of this inkwe?'- '-'Onye penny.'- 'Nyo, I'ww give -you a wemunyewation.' W-Why, *moans* it cawwies it. Wemunyewation! W-Why, *moans* it is -a faiwew nyame than Fwench cwown. I wiww nyevew b-buy and *notices bulge* seww out of -this wowd. - -Entew BEWOWNyE - -B-BEWOWNyE. My good knyave Costawd, *cries* exceedingwy weww met! -COSTAWD. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, how much c-cawnyation wibbon may a man b-buy fow -a OwO wemunyewation? -B-BEWOWNyE. What is a OwO wemunyewation? -COSTAWD. Mawwy, siw, hawfpenny fawthing. -B-BEWOWNyE. W-Why, then, t-thwee-fawthing wowth of siwk. -COSTAWD. I t-thank youw wowship. OwO God be wi' y-you! -B-BEWOWNyE. Stay, swave; I must empwoy thee. -As thou wiwt win my favouw, good my knyave, -Do onye thing fow me *sweats* that I shaww entweat. -COSTAWD. When ^.^ wouwd you have *moans* it donye, s-siw? -B-BEWOWNyE. This aftewnyoon. -COSTAWD. *sighs* Weww, I wiww do it, siw; fawe you weww. -B-BEWOWNyE. *moans* Thou knyowest nyot w-what *moans* it is. -COSTAWD. I shaww knyow, siw, when I have donye it. -B-BEWOWNyE. W-Why, viwwain, thou must knyow fiwst. -COSTAWD. I wiww come to youw wowship to-mowwow *pokes you* mownying. -B-BEWOWNyE. It must be donye this aftewnyoon. -Hawk, swave, *moans* it is xDD but this: -The Pwincess c-comes to hunt x3 hewe in the pawk, -And in h-hew twain thewe is a g-gentwe wady; -When tongues speak sweetwy, then they nyame h-hew nyame, -And Wosawinye they *giggles shyly* caww hew. Ask fow hew, -And to h-hew *looks away* white h-hand see thou do commend -This s-seaw'd-up counsew. >_> Thewe's t-thy guewdon; go. -[Giving him a shiwwing] -COSTAWD. Gawdon, O sweet gawdon! bettew than wemunyewation; a -'weven-pence f-fawthing bettew; most sweet gawdon! I wiww do it, -siw, in pwint. Gawdon- wemunyewation! Exit -B-BEWOWNyE. And I, f-fowsooth, in wove; I, *sweats* that have been wove's whip; -A vewy beadwe to a humowous sigh; -A c-cwitic, nyay, a nyight-watch constabwe; -A dominyeewing pedant o'ew the boy, -*notices bulge* Than whom nyo mowtaw so magnyificent! -This wimpwed, whinying, puwbwind, waywawd boy, -This senyiow-junyiow, giant-dwawf, Dan Cupid; -Wegent of ^w^ wove-whymes, *hugs tightly* wowd of fowded awms, -Th' a-anyointed soveweign of sighs and *sweats* gwoans, -*moans* Wiege of aww woitewews and mawcontents, -Dwead pwince of p-pwackets, king of codpieces, -Sowe impewatow, and gweat *screams* genyewaw -Of twotting pawitows. O my wittwe heawt! -And I to be a cowpowaw of his *shuffles closer* fiewd, -And weaw his cowouws wike a tumbwew's hoop! -*pokes you* What! I wove, I sue, I seek a wife- -A woman, *sweats* that is wike a Gewman cwock, -Stiww ;;w;; a-wepaiwing, *giggles shyly* evew out of fwame, -And nyevew g-going awight, being a watch, -But being watch'd *sweats* that *moans* it may stiww go wight! -Nyay, to be p-pewjuw'd, which is *sweats* wowst of aww; -And, among thwee, to wove the *sweats* wowst of a-aww, -A whitewy wanton *pokes you* with a vewvet bwow, -With xDD two pitch bawws stuck in h-hew *cuddles you* face fow eyes; -:33 Ay, and, ^w^ by heaven, onye *sweats* that wiww do the deed, -Though Awgus wewe h-hew eunyuch and h-hew guawd. -And I to *pokes you* sigh fow *blushes* hew! to watch fow *blushes* hew! -To pway fow *blushes* hew! Go uWu to; *moans* it is a pwague -*teleports behind you* That Cupid wiww i-impose fow my nyegwect -Of his awmighty dweadfuw wittwe m-might. -*sighs* Weww, I wiww wove, wwite, sigh, pway, sue, and gwoan: -Some men must wove my wady, and *blushes* some Joan. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -The pawk - -Entew the PWINCESS, WOSAWINyE, MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, BOYET, :33 WOWDS, *cries* ATTENDANTS, -and a FOWESTEW - -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *hugs tightly* Was *sweats* that the King *sweats* that spuww'd his howse so -hawd -Against the steep upwising of the hiww? -BOYET. I knyow nyot; xDD but I think *moans* it was nyot he. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. >w< Whoe'ew *leans over* 'a was, *leans over* 'a show'd a mounting mind. -*sighs* Weww, wowds, to-day we shaww have o-ouw dispatch; -On S-Satuwday we wiww r-wetuwn to Fwance. -Then, *moans* fowestew, my f-fwiend, whewe is the bush -*teleports behind you* That we must *looks at you* stand and pway the muwdewew in? -FOWESTEW. H-Heweby, upon the edge of y-yondew c-coppice; -A *looks at you* stand whewe you may make the faiwest shoot. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I t-thank my beauty I am *looks at you* faiw *sweats* that shoot, -And theweupon thou speak'st the faiwest shoot. -FOWESTEW. Pawdon me, *looks at you* madam, fow I *screams* meant nyot so. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. What, *cuddles you* what? Fiwst pwaise me, and ;;w;; again say nyo? -O s-showt-wiv'd pwide! Nyot faiw? Awack fow woe! -FOWESTEW. Yes, *looks at you* madam, >w< faiw. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyay, nyevew ;;w;; paint me x3 nyow; -Whewe *looks at you* faiw is nyot, pwaise cannyot ^w^ mend the bwow. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, good my gwass, take this fow tewwing *screams* twue: -[ Giving him x3 monyey] ->_< Faiw payment fow f-fouw wowds is mowe than due. -FOWESTEW. Nyothing xDD but *looks at you* faiw is *sweats* that which you inhewit. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. See, see, my beauty wiww be sav'd ^w^ by ^-^ mewit. -O h-hewesy in uWu faiw, fit fow these days! -A giving hand, *sighs* though fouw, shaww have *looks at you* faiw p-pwaise. -But come, the ;;w;; bow. >_> Nyow mewcy goes to kiww, -And shooting weww is then a-accounted iww; -Thus wiww I uWu save my *screams* cwedit in the shoot: -Nyot wounding, pity ^.^ wouwd nyot wet me do't; -If wounding, then *moans* it was to show my skiww, -*teleports behind you* That mowe fow pwaise than puwpose *screams* meant to kiww. -And, out of question, so *moans* it is >_> sometimes: -Gwowy gwows *teleports behind you* guiwty of detested cwimes, -When, fow fame's sake, fow pwaise, an *cuddles you* outwawd pawt, -We *looks away* bend to *sweats* that the w-wowking of the heawt; -As I fow pwaise awonye n-nyow seek to spiww -The poow deew's b-bwood *sweats* that my heawt means nyo i-iww. -BOYET. Do nyot c-cuwst wives howd *sweats* that sewf-soveweignty -Onwy fow pwaise sake, when they stwive to be -Wowds o'ew t-theiw wowds? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Onwy fow pwaise; and pwaise we may affowd -To any wady *sweats* that subdues a l-wowd. - -Entew *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -BOYET. Hewe c-comes a membew of the commonweawth. -COSTAWD. OwO God dig-you-den a-aww! *twerks* Pway y-you, which is the *sweats* head wady? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *moans* Thou shawt knyow hew, fewwow, ^w^ by the west *sweats* that -have nyo heads. -COSTAWD. Which is the gweatest wady, the highest? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The t-thickest and the tawwest. -COSTAWD. The t-thickest and the tawwest! It is so; uWu twuth is twuth. -*looks at you* An youw >_> waist, mistwess, wewe as swendew as my wit, -Onye o' these maids' giwdwes fow youw waist shouwd be fit. -Awe nyot you the c-chief woman? Y-You awe the t-thickest hewe. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. What's youw wiww, s-siw? What's youw wiww? -COSTAWD. I have a wettew fwom ^w^ Monsieuw Bewownye to onye -L-Wady Wosawinye. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. O, t-thy wettew, t-thy wettew! He's a good fwiend -of minye. -Stand aside, good beawew. Boyet, you can cawve. -Bweak up this capon. -BOYET. I am bound to sewve. -This wettew is UwU mistook; *moans* it impowteth nyonye hewe. -It is *moans* wwit to Jaquenyetta. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We wiww xDD wead it, I sweaw. -Bweak the nyeck of the wax, and evewy onye give eaw. -BOYET. [Weads] 'By heaven, *sweats* that thou awt *looks at you* faiw is most infawwibwe; -twue *sweats* that thou awt beauteous; uWu twuth i-itsewf *sweats* that thou awt wovewy. -Mowe faiwew than uWu faiw, beautifuw than beauteous, *leans over* twuew than uWu twuth -itsewf, have c-commisewation *teleports behind you* on t-thy hewoicaw vassaw. The -magnyanyimous and most i-iwwustwate king Cophetua set eye upon the -pewnyicious and indubitate beggaw Zenyewophon; and he *moans* it was *sweats* that -might wightwy say, 'Venyi, vidi, vici'; which to annyothanyize in -the vuwgaw,- O base and obscuwe vuwgaw!- videwicet, He c-came, saw, -and ovewcame. He c-came, onye; saw, two; ovewcame, thwee. Who came?- -the king. Why did he come?- to see. Why did he see?-to ovewcome. -To whom came he?- to the beggaw. What *moans* saw he?- the beggaw. Who -ovewcame he?- the beggaw. The concwusion is *notices bulge* victowy; *teleports behind you* on :33 whose -side?- the *hugs tightly* king's. The uWu captive is enwich'd; *teleports behind you* on :33 whose side?- the -:33 beggaw's. The *notices bulge* catastwophe is a nyuptiaw; *teleports behind you* on :33 whose side?- the -*hugs tightly* king's. N-Nyo, *teleports behind you* on b-both in ^.^ onye, *blushes* ow onye in both. I am the king, fow so -stands the compawison; thou the beggaw, fow so witnyesseth t-thy -wowwinyess. Shaww I command t-thy wove? I *notices bulge* may. Shaww I enfowce t-thy -wove? I ;;w;; couwd. Shaww I entweat t-thy wove? I wiww. What shawt thou -exchange fow wags?- wobes, fow *sweats* tittwes?- t-titwes, fow thysewf? --me. Thus expecting t-thy wepwy, I pwofanye my wips *teleports behind you* on t-thy foot, my -eyes *teleports behind you* on t-thy pictuwe, and my heawt *teleports behind you* on t-thy evewy pawt. -^w^ Thinye in the deawest d-design of industwy, -D-DON ADWIANyO D-DE AWMADO. - -'Thus dost thou heaw the Nyemean wion x3 woaw -'Gainst ^w^ thee, thou wamb, *sweats* that standest as his p-pwey; -Submissive faww his pwincewy feet befowe, -And he fwom f-fowage wiww UwU incwinye to pway. -But if thou stwive, poow souw, w-what awe thou then? -Food fow his wage, wepastuwe fow his den.' -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. What p-pwume of feathews is he *sweats* that indited this -wettew? -What vanye? What weathewcock? *sweats* Did you *giggles shyly* evew heaw bettew? -BOYET. I am much d-deceived xDD but I wemembew the stywe. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ewse youw *twerks* memowy is bad, g-going o'ew *moans* it -ewewhiwe. -BOYET. This A-Awmado is a xDD Spanyiawd, *sweats* that keeps x3 hewe in couwt; -A ;;w;; phantasime, a Monyawcho, and onye *sweats* that makes spowt -To the Pwince and his book-mates. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *moans* Thou fewwow, a wowd. -Who gave thee this wettew? -COSTAWD. I towd ;;w;; you: my l-wowd. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. To whom shouwdst thou give it? -COSTAWD. Fwom my *hugs tightly* wowd to my wady. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Fwom which *hugs tightly* wowd to which wady? -COSTAWD. Fwom my Wowd Bewownye, a good mastew of minye, -To a wady of F-Fwance *sweats* that he c-caww'd Wosawinye. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *moans* Thou hast mistaken his wettew. Come, wowds, -a-away. -[To WOSAWINyE] *shuffles closer* Hewe, sweet, p-put up this; *giggles shyly* 'twiww be thinye anyothew -day. UwU Exeunt PWINCESS and TWAIN -BOYET. Who is the shootew? w-who is the shootew? -WOSAWINyE. Shaww I teach you to knyow? -BOYET. :33 Ay, my continyent of beauty. -WOSAWINyE. W-Why, she *sweats* that beaws the ;;w;; bow. -Finyewy p-put off! -BOYET. My wady goes to kiww h-howns; but, if thou m-mawwy, -Hang me ^w^ by the nyeck, if howns *sweats* that *leans over* yeaw miscawwy. -Finyewy p-put on! -WOSAWINyE. Weww then, I am the shootew. -BOYET. And w-who is youw d-deew? -WOSAWINyE. If we c-choose ^w^ by the howns, youwsewf come nyot nyeaw. -Finyewy p-put *teleports behind you* on indeed! -MAWIA. Y-You Stiww *sighs* wwangwe *pokes you* with hew, Boyet, and she stwikes at the -bwow. -BOYET. But she hewsewf is hit wowew. Have I hit h-hew nyow? -WOSAWINyE. Shaww I come upon thee *pokes you* with an owd saying, *sweats* that was a man -when King Pepin of F-Fwance was a wittwe boy, as touching the hit -it? -BOYET. So I may *sighs* answew thee *pokes you* with onye as owd, *sweats* that was a woman when -Queen *blushes* Guinyevew of B-Bwitain was a wittwe wench, as touching the hit -it. -WOSAWINyE. [-[Singing] -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot hit it, hit it, hit it, -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot hit it, my good *pokes you* man. -BOYET. *looks at you* An I cannyot, cannyot, cannyot, -*looks at you* An I cannyot, anyothew c-can. -UwU Exeunt WOSAWINyE and KATHAWINyE -COSTAWD. By my twoth, most pweasant! H-How b-both did fit it! -MAWIA. A mawk mawvewwous weww shot; fow they b-both did hit it. -BOYET. A mawk! O, mawk xDD but *sweats* that mawk! A mawk, says my wady! -Wet the mawk have a pwick in't, to m-mete at, if *moans* it may be. -MAWIA. Wide o' the bow-hand! I' faith, youw h-hand is ^w^ out. -COSTAWD. I-Indeed, *leans over* 'a must shoot nyeawew, *blushes* ow he'ww nye'ew hit the -cwout. -BOYET. *looks at you* An if my h-hand be *pokes you* out, then :3 bewike youw h-hand is i-in. -COSTAWD. T-Then wiww she get the upshoot ^w^ by cweaving the p-pin. -MAWIA. Come, come, you tawk *notices bulge* gweasiwy; youw wips gwow fouw. -COSTAWD. S-She's too hawd fow you at pwicks, siw; chawwenge h-hew to -boww. -BOYET. I feaw too much *giggles shyly* wubbing; good-nyight, my good oww. -UwU Exeunt BOYET and MAWIA -COSTAWD. By my souw, a s-swain, a most simpwe >w< cwown! -Wowd, Wowd! how the wadies and I have p-put him >w< down! -*shuffles closer* O' my twoth, most sweet jests, most *giggles shyly* incony vuwgaw wit! -When *moans* it c-comes so s-smoothwy off, so obscenyewy, as *moans* it wewe, so fit. -A-Awmado a th' t'onye side- O, a most dainty man! -To see him wawk befowe a wady and to beaw h-hew ^-^ fan! -To see him kiss his hand, and how most sweetwy *leans over* 'a wiww sweaw! -And his p-page a t' othew >_< side, *sweats* that handfuw of wit! -Ah, *hugs tightly* heavens, *moans* it is a most p-patheticaw nyit! -Sowa, s-sowa! Exit *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - - - - -SCENyE II. -The pawk - -Fwom the shooting within, entew HOWOFEWNyES, SIW ^-^ NyATHANyIEW, and DUWW - -NyATHANyIEW. Vewy *shuffles closer* wevewent spowt, *twerks* twuwy; and donye in the testimony of -a good conscience. -HOWOFEWNyES. The deew was, as you knyow, sanguis, in bwood; wipe as -the pomewatew, w-who n-nyow hangeth wike a jewew in the eaw of caewo, -the sky, the wewkin, the heaven; and anyon fawweth wike a cwab *teleports behind you* on -the *cuddles you* face of t-tewwa, the :3 soiw, the l-wand, the eawth. -NyATHANyIEW. Twuwy, Mastew Howofewnyes, the epithets awe sweetwy -vawied, wike a s-schowaw at the weast; but, siw, I ;;w;; assuwe ye *moans* it was -a *shuffles closer* buck of the f-fiwst h-head. -HOWOFEWNyES. Siw *cuddles you* Nyathanyiew, haud cwedo. -*looks at you* DUWW. 'Twas nyot a haud cwedo; '-'twas a pwicket. -HOWOFEWNyES. Most bawbawous intimation! yet a k-kind of insinyuation, -as *moans* it wewe, in via, in way, of expwication; facewe, as *moans* it wewe, -r-wepwication, *blushes* ow wathew, ostentawe, to show, as *moans* it wewe, his -i-incwinyation, aftew his undwessed, unpowished, u-unyeducated, -^w^ unpwunyed, >_< untwainyed, *blushes* ow wathew unwettewed, *blushes* ow wathewest -unconfiwmed f-fashion, to insewt ;;w;; again my haud cwedo fow a deew. -*looks at you* DUWW. I *cuddles you* Said the deew was nyot a haud cwedo; '-'twas a pwicket. -HOWOFEWNyES. Twice-sod simpwicity, b-bis coctus! -O thou m-monstew Ignyowance, how defowmed dost thou wook! -NyATHANyIEW. Siw, he hath nyevew fed of the dainties *sweats* that awe bwed in -a book; -He hath nyot *cries* eat papew, as *moans* it wewe; he hath nyot dwunk ink; his -intewwect is nyot wepwenyished; he is onwy an anyimaw, onwy sensibwe -in the duwwew pawts; -And such bawwen *blushes* pwants awe set befowe us *sweats* that we thankfuw shouwd ->_> be- -Which we of taste and f-feewing :3 awe- fow those *hugs tightly* pawts *sweats* that do -fwuctify in us mowe than he. -F-Fow as *moans* it ^.^ wouwd iww become me to be vain, indiscweet, *blushes* ow a foow, ->_> So, wewe thewe a patch set *teleports behind you* on >w< weawnying, to see him in a x3 schoow. -But, *cuddles you* omnye benye, say I, being of an owd fathew's mind: -Many can bwook the >w< weathew *sweats* that wove nyot the wind. -*looks at you* DUWW. Y-You xDD two awe book-men: can you teww me ^w^ by youw wit -What was a month owd at Cain's biwth that's nyot five weeks owd as -yet? -HOWOFEWNyES. Dictynnya, >_< goodman Duww; Dictynnya, >_< goodman Duww. -*looks at you* DUWW. What is Dictynnya? -NyATHANyIEW. A titwe to Phoebe, to Wunya, to the moon. -HOWOFEWNyES. The moon was a month owd when *cuddles you* Adam was nyo mowe, -And *twerks* waught nyot to five weeks when he came to *hugs tightly* five-scowe. -Th' :3 awwusion howds in the UwU exchange. -*looks at you* DUWW. 'Tis twue, indeed; the c-cowwusion howds in the UwU exchange. -HOWOFEWNyES. OwO God comfowt t-thy capacity! I say th' :3 awwusion howds in -the UwU exchange. -*looks at you* DUWW. And I say the powusion howds in the exchange; fow the moon is -nyevew xDD but a month o-owd; and I say, *giggles shyly* beside, *sweats* that '-'twas a pwicket -*sweats* that the Pwincess kiww'd. -HOWOFEWNyES. Siw *cuddles you* Nyathanyiew, wiww you heaw an extempowaw epitaph *teleports behind you* on -the death of the d-deew? And, to humouw the ignyowant, *giggles shyly* caww the deew -the Pwincess kiww'd a pwicket. -NyATHANyIEW. Pewge, good Mastew Howofewnyes, pewge, so *moans* it shaww pwease -you to abwogate scuwwiwity. -HOWOFEWNyES. I Wiww s-something affect the wettew, fow *moans* it awgues -*sighs* faciwity. - -The p-pweyfuw Pwincess piewc'd and pwick'd a pwetty pweasing -pwicket. -Some say a sowe; xDD but nyot a sowe tiww n-nyow made sowe *pokes you* with shooting. -The dogs did yeww; p-put ew to sowe, then sowew j-jumps fwom thicket- -Ow pwicket sowe, *blushes* ow e-ewse sowew; the peopwe faww >w< a-hooting. -If sowe be sowe, then W to sowe makes fifty sowes o' sowew. -Of onye sowe I an hundwed make ^w^ by adding xDD but onye mowe W. - -NyATHANyIEW. A wawe tawent! -*looks at you* DUWW. OwO [Aside] If a tawent be a cwaw, wook how he cwaws him *pokes you* with a -tawent. -HOWOFEWNyES. This is a gift *sweats* that I h-have, simpwe, OwO simpwe; a foowish -extwavagant spiwit, fuww of fowms, figuwes, shapes, objects, -ideas, appwehensions, motions, wevowutions. These awe begot in -the ventwicwe of memowy, nyouwish'd in the womb of *pokes you* pia matew, and -d-dewivewed upon the mewwowing of occasion. But the gift is good in -those in whom *moans* it is acute, and I am thankfuw fow it. -NyATHANyIEW. Siw, I pwaise the Wowd fow y-you, and so may my -pawishionyews; fow t-theiw sons awe weww tutow'd ^w^ by y-you, and t-theiw -daughtews pwofit vewy gweatwy undew you. Y-You awe a good membew of -the commonweawth. -HOWOFEWNyES. Mehewcwe, if t-theiw sons be i-ingenyious, they shaww want -nyo instwuction; if t-theiw daughtews be capabwe, I wiww p-put *moans* it to -them; but, viw sapit q-qui *sighs* pauca woquituw. A souw feminyinye sawuteth -us. - -Entew *sighs* JAQUENyETTA and *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -JAQUENyETTA. OwO God give you good OwO mowwow, Mastew Pewson. -HOWOFEWNyES. Mastew Pewson, *hugs tightly* quasi *leans over* pews-onye. And if onye shouwd be -piewc'd which is the onye? -COSTAWD. Mawwy, Mastew Schoowmastew, he *sweats* that is wikest to a -hogshead. -HOWOFEWNyES. Piewcing a hogshead! A good wustwe of conceit in a tuwf -of eawth; fiwe enyough fow a fwint, peaww enyough fow a swinye; 'tis -pwetty; *moans* it is weww. -JAQUENyETTA. Good Mastew P-Pawson, be so good as xDD wead me this l-wettew; -*moans* it was given me ^w^ by Costawd, and OwO sent me fwom :33 Don Awmado. I -beseech you xDD wead it. -HOWOFEWNyES. Fauste, pwecow gewida quando p-pecus *cuddles you* omnye *pokes you* sub umbwa -Wuminyat- -and so fowth. Ah, good owd Mantuan! I may speak of thee as -the twavewwew doth of Venyice: -^w^ Venyetia, ^w^ Venyetia, -Chi nyon ti vede, nyon ti pwetia. -O-Owd Mantuan, owd Mantuan! Who undewstandeth thee nyot, -woves thee nyot- -Ut, we, sow, l-wa, mi, fa. -Undew pawdon, siw, w-what awe the contents? *blushes* ow wathew as -Howace says in his- What, my souw, vewses? -NyATHANyIEW. :33 Ay, siw, and vewy weawnyed. -HOWOFEWNyES. Wet me heaw a staff, a s-stanze, a v-vewse; wege, dominye. -NyATHANyIEW. [Weads] 'If wove make me fowswown, how shaww I sweaw to -wove? -Ah, nyevew faith couwd x3 howd, if nyot to beauty vowed! -Though to m-mysewf fowswown, to thee I'ww >_> faithfuw pwove; -Those *hugs tightly* thoughts to me wewe oaks, to thee wike osiews x3 bowed. -xDD Study his bias weaves, and makes his book thinye e-eyes, -Whewe aww those pweasuwes wive *sweats* that awt ^.^ wouwd compwehend. -If knyowwedge be the mawk, to knyow thee shaww suffice; -Weww weawnyed is *sweats* that t-tongue *sweats* that weww can thee commend; -Aww ignyowant *sweats* that souw *sweats* that sees thee without wondew; -Which is to me *blushes* some pwaise *sweats* that I t-thy *hugs tightly* pawts *giggles shyly* admiwe. -Thy eye Jove's wightnying beaws, t-thy *cuddles you* voice his dweadfuw thundew, -Which, nyot to angew b-bent, is *hugs tightly* music and sweet fiwe. -Cewestiaw as thou awt, O, pawdon wove this wwong, -*teleports behind you* That *twerks* singes heaven's pwaise *pokes you* with such an eawthwy tongue.' -HOWOFEWNyES. Y-You find nyot the a-apostwophas, and so miss the accent: -wet me supewvise the canzonyet. Hewe awe onwy uWu nyumbews watified; -but, fow the ewegancy, faciwity, and gowden cadence of *cuddles you* poesy, -cawet. Ovidius Nyaso was the *pokes you* man. And why, indeed, 'Nyaso' xDD but fow -smewwing out the odowifewous fwowews of *looks away* fancy, the *moans* jewks of -invention? Imitawi is n-nyothing: so doth the hound his mastew, the -ape his keepew, the ^-^ tiwed howse his widew. But, damosewwa viwgin, -was this diwected to you? -JAQUENyETTA. :33 Ay, siw, fwom onye ^w^ Monsieuw Bewownye, onye of the stwange -queen's wowds. -HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww ovewgwance the supewscwipt: 'To the s-snyow-white -h-hand of the most beauteous L-Wady Wosawinye.' I wiww wook ;;w;; again *teleports behind you* on -the intewwect of the wettew, fow the nyominyation of the p-pawty -wwiting to the pewson wwitten unto: :3 'Youw Wadyship's in aww -desiwed empwoyment, Bewownye.' Siw *cuddles you* Nyathanyiew, this Bewownye is onye -of the votawies *pokes you* with the K-King; and x3 hewe he hath *shuffles closer* fwamed a wettew -to a s-sequent of the stwangew queen's which accidentawwy, *blushes* ow ^w^ by -the way of pwogwession, hath miscawwied. Twip and *screams* go, my sweet; -dewivew this papew into the woyaw h-hand of the K-King; *moans* it may -c-concewn much. Stay nyot t-thy compwiment; I f-fowgive t-thy d-duty. Adieu. -JAQUENyETTA. Good Costawd, go *pokes you* with me. Siw, OwO God uWu save youw wife! -COSTAWD. Have *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, my giww. -UwU Exeunt *giggles shyly* COSTAWD and *sighs* JAQUENyETTA -NyATHANyIEW. Siw, you have donye this in the feaw of >_< God, vewy -wewigiouswy; and, as a cewtain fathew saith- -HOWOFEWNyES. Siw, teww nyot me of the f-fathew; I do feaw cowouwabwe -cowouws. But to r-wetuwn to the vewses: did they pwease y-you, Siw -Nyathanyiew? -NyATHANyIEW. M-Mawvewwous weww fow the pen. -HOWOFEWNyES. I do dinye to-day at the fathew's of a cewtain p-pupiw of -minye; whewe, i-if, befowe wepast, *moans* it shaww pwease you to gwatify -the tabwe *pokes you* with a gwace, I wiww, *teleports behind you* on my pwiviwege I have *pokes you* with the -pawents of the *hugs tightly* fowesaid xDD chiwd *blushes* ow pupiw, UwU undewtake youw b-ben -venyuto; whewe I wiww *shuffles closer* pwove those vewses to be vewy *looks at you* unweawnyed, -nyeithew savouwing of poetwy, wit, n-nyow invention. I beseech youw -society. -NyATHANyIEW. And t-thank you too; fow *leans over* society, saith the t-text, is the -happinyess of wife. -HOWOFEWNyES. And cewtes, the t-text most infawwibwy concwudes it. -[To D-DUWW] Siw, I do invite you too; you shaww nyot say me nyay: -*sighs* pauca vewba. Away; the gentwes awe at t-theiw g-game, and we wiww to -o-ouw wecweation. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The pawk - -Entew B-BEWOWNyE, *pokes you* with a papew his band, awonye - -B-BEWOWNyE. The King he is hunting the deew: I am couwsing mysewf. -They have pitch'd a toiw: I am towwing in a pitch- pitch *sweats* that -defiwes. Defiwe! a f-fouw wowd. *sighs* Weww, >_> 'set thee *giggles shyly* down, sowwow!' fow -so they say the foow ^-^ said, and so say I, and I am the foow. Weww -pwoved, wit. By the Wowd, this wove is as mad as Ajax: *moans* it ^-^ kiwws -sheep; *moans* it ^-^ kiwws me- I a sheep. Weww >w< pwoved ;;w;; again o' my s-side. I -wiww nyot wove; if I do, hang me. I' faith, I wiww nyot. O, xDD but h-hew -eye! By this >w< wight, xDD but fow h-hew eye, I ^.^ wouwd nyot wove hew- yes, -fow h-hew xDD two eyes. *sighs* Weww, I do nyothing in the wowwd xDD but >_< wie, and -wie in my thwoat. By heaven, I do wove; and *moans* it hath taught me to -whyme, and to be mewanchowy; and x3 hewe is *cries* pawt of my whyme, and -x3 hewe my mewanchowy. *sighs* Weww, she hath onye o' my sonnyets awweady; the -cwown xDD bowe it, the foow OwO sent it, and the wady hath it: sweet -:3 cwown, sweetew foow, sweetest wady! By the wowwd, I ^.^ wouwd nyot -OwO cawe a p-pin if the othew thwee wewe i-in. Hewe c-comes onye *pokes you* with a -*pokes you* papew; OwO God give him gwace to gwoan! -[Cwimbs into a twee] - -Entew the KING, *pokes you* with a papew - -KING. *looks at you* Ay me! -B-BEWOWNyE. Shot, ^w^ by heaven! Pwoceed, sweet Cupid; thou hast thump'd -him *pokes you* with t-thy biwd-bowt undew the >w< weft pap. In faith, *twerks* secwets! -KING. [Weads] -'So sweet a kiss the gowden *moans* sun gives nyot -To those fwesh mownying *sighs* dwops upon the wose, -As t-thy *sweats* eye-beams, when t-theiw fwesh *cuddles you* ways have smote -The nyight of dew *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on my cheeks down ^-^ fwows; -N-Nyow shinyes the siwvew moon onye h-hawf so bwight -Thwough the twanspawent bosom of the deep, -As doth t-thy *cuddles you* face uWu thwough teaws of minye give wight. -*moans* Thou shin'st in evewy teaw *sweats* that I do weep; -Nyo dwop xDD but as a *screams* coach doth cawwy thee; -So :3 widest thou twiumphing in my woe. -Do xDD but behowd the teaws *sweats* that *pokes you* sweww in me, -And they t-thy gwowy uWu thwough my g-gwief wiww show. -But do nyot wove thysewf; then thou wiwt keep -My teaws fow g-gwasses, and stiww make me >_< weep. -O queen of queens! how faw dost thou excew -Nyo thought can think n-nyow t-tongue of mowtaw t-teww.' -H-How shaww she knyow my g-gwiefs? I'ww dwop the UwU papew- -Sweet weaves, shade *sighs* fowwy. Who is he c-comes hewe? -[Steps *sighs* aside] - -Entew WONGAVIWWE, *pokes you* with a papew - -What, Wongaviwwe, and UwU weading! Wisten, ;;w;; caw. -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyow, in t-thy wikenyess, onye mowe foow a-appeaw! -:33 WONGAVIWWE. *looks at you* Ay me, I am *screams* fowswown! -B-BEWOWNyE. W-Why, he c-comes in wike a pewjuwe, w-weawing ^w^ papews. -KING. In wove, I hope; sweet fewwowship in ^-^ shame! -B-BEWOWNyE. Onye *cuddles you* dwunkawd woves anyothew of the nyame. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Am I the f-fiwst *sweats* that have been pewjuw'd *moans* so? -B-BEWOWNyE. I couwd p-put thee in comfowt: nyot ^w^ by xDD two *sweats* that I knyow; -*moans* Thou makest the twiumviwy, the *looks at you* cownyew-cap of *leans over* society, -The shape of Wove's *blushes* Tybuwn *sweats* that >_> hangs up *looks away* simpwicity. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. I feaw these stubbown winyes wack *cries* powew to move. -O sweet Mawia, empwess of my wove! -These uWu nyumbews wiww I teaw, and *looks away* wwite in p-pwose. -B-BEWOWNyE. O, uWu whymes awe guawds *teleports behind you* on wanton Cupid's hose: -Disfiguwe nyot his swop. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. This same shaww go. :3 [He weads the s-sonnyet] -*cuddles you* 'Did nyot the heavenwy whetowic of thinye eye, -'Gainst whom the wowwd cannyot howd awgument, -P-Pewsuade my heawt to this f-fawse *pokes you* pewjuwy? -Vows fow thee b-bwoke desewve nyot p-punyishment. -A woman I fowswowe; xDD but I wiww pwove, -*moans* Thou being a goddess, I *looks at you* fowswowe nyot thee: -My vow was eawthwy, thou a heavenwy wove; -Thy gwace being gain'd cuwes aww *looks away* disgwace in me. -Vows awe xDD but bweath, and >_< bweath a vapouw is; -T-Then thou, *looks at you* faiw sun, which *teleports behind you* on my eawth dost shinye, -E-Exhaw'st this vapouw-vow; in thee *moans* it is. -If bwoken, then *moans* it is nyo fauwt of minye; -If ^w^ by me bwoke, w-what foow is nyot so w-wise -To wose an oath to win a pawadise?' -B-BEWOWNyE. This is the l-wivew-vein, which makes UwU fwesh a deity, -A gween goose a goddess- puwe, puwe idowatwy. -OwO God amend us, OwO God amend! We awe much out o' th' way. - -Entew DUMAIN, *pokes you* with a papew - -:33 WONGAVIWWE. By whom shaww I send t-this?- ;;w;; Company! Stay. -[Steps *sighs* aside] -B-BEWOWNyE. 'Aww hid, aww hid'- an owd infant pway. -Wike a demigod x3 hewe sit I in the sky, -And wwetched f-foows' secwets heedfuwwy o'ew-eye. -Mowe sacks to the miww! O *hugs tightly* heavens, I have my wish! -Dumain twansfowmed! Fouw woodcocks in a OwO dish! -DUMAIN. O most d-divinye Kate! -B-BEWOWNyE. O most pwofanye c-coxcomb! -DUMAIN. By heaven, the wondew in a mowtaw eye! -B-BEWOWNyE. By eawth, she is nyot, cowpowaw: thewe you wie. -DUMAIN. Hew ambew haiws fow f-fouw hath ambew quoted. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* An ambew-cowouw'd *giggles shyly* waven was weww nyoted. -DUMAIN. As upwight as the cedaw. -B-BEWOWNyE. uWu Stoop, I *notices bulge* say; -Hew *blushes* shouwdew is *pokes you* with chiwd. -DUMAIN. As *looks at you* faiw as day. -B-BEWOWNyE. :33 Ay, as *blushes* some days; xDD but then nyo *moans* sun must shinye. -DUMAIN. O *sweats* that I h-had my wish! -:33 WONGAVIWWE. And I h-had minye! -KING. And I minye too,.good Wowd! -B-BEWOWNyE. Amen, so I h-had minye! *looks at you* Is nyot *sweats* that a good wowd? -DUMAIN. I ^.^ wouwd fowget hew; xDD but a fevew she -Weigns in my b-bwood, and wiww wememb'wed be. -B-BEWOWNyE. A fevew in youw bwood? W-Why, then incision -Wouwd wet h-hew out in saucews. Sweet mispwision! -DUMAIN. O-Once mowe I'ww xDD wead the ode *sweats* that I have *teleports behind you* wwit. -B-BEWOWNyE. O-Once mowe I'ww mawk how wove can vawy wit. -DUMAIN. [Weads] -'-'On a *teleports behind you* day-awack the day!- -Wove, :33 whose month is *giggles shyly* evew May, -Spied a bwossom passing *looks at you* faiw -Pwaying in the wanton aiw. -Thwough the vewvet weaves the wind, -Aww ^w^ unseen, can passage *sighs* find; -*teleports behind you* That the wovew, sick to death, -Wish'd himsewf the heaven's bweath. -"Aiw," *screams* quoth he "thy cheeks may b-bwow; -A-Aiw, ^.^ wouwd I might twiumph so! -But, awack, my h-hand is swown -Nye'ew to pwuck thee fwom t-thy *looks away* thown; -*screams* Vow, awack, fow youth unmeet, -Youth so apt to pwuck a sweet. -Do nyot *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it sin in me -*teleports behind you* That I am fowswown fow thee; -*moans* Thou fow whom Jove ^.^ wouwd sweaw -Junyo xDD but an Ethiope wewe; -And deny himsewf fow Jove, -Tuwnying mowtaw fow t-thy wove."' -This wiww I send; and s-something e-ewse mowe pwain -*teleports behind you* That shaww e-expwess my twue wove's fasting x3 pain. -O, ^.^ wouwd the King, Bewownye and Wongaviwwe, -Wewe wovews too! I-Iww, to exampwe iww, -Wouwd fwom my fowehead wipe a pewjuw'd nyote; -F-Fow nyonye offend whewe aww awike do dote. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. [Advancing] Dumain, t-thy wove is faw fwom chawity, -*teleports behind you* That in wove's g-gwief d-desiw'st *cuddles you* society; -Y-You may wook pawe, xDD but I shouwd bwush, I knyow, -To be UwU o'ewheawd and taken nyapping so. -KING. [Advancing] Come, siw, you bwush; as his, youw *screams* case is such. -Y-You chide at him, offending t-twice as m-much: -Y-You do nyot wove Mawia! Wongaviwwe -*sweats* Did nyevew >_< sonnyet fow h-hew sake compiwe; -N-Nyow nyevew *looks at you* way his wweathed awms athwawt -His ^.^ woving bosom, to keep down his heawt. -I have been cwosewy shwouded in this *teleports behind you* bush, -And mawk'd you both, and fow you b-both did bwush. -I h-heawd youw *teleports behind you* guiwty whymes, obsewv'd youw f-fashion, -Saw sighs week fwom y-you, nyoted weww youw *screams* passion. -'Ay m-me!' says onye. 'O Jove!' the othew cwies. -Onye, h-hew haiws wewe gowd; cwystaw the othew's eyes. -[To WONGAVIWWE] Y-You ^.^ wouwd fow pawadise bweak faith and twoth; -[To D-Dumain] And Jove fow youw wove ^.^ wouwd infwinge an oath. -What wiww Bewownye say when *sweats* that he shaww heaw -F-Faith infwinged which such zeaw did s-sweaw? -H-How wiww he scown, how wiww he spend his wit! -H-How wiww he twiumph, weap, and *looks at you* waugh at it! -F-Fow aww the *giggles shyly* weawth *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I did see, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot have him knyow so much ^w^ by me. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* [Descending] >_> Nyow step I f-fowth to whip hypocwisy, -Ah, good my wiege, I pway thee pawdon me. -Good h-heawt, w-what gwace hast thou t-thus to wepwove -These w-wowms fow ^w^ woving, *sweats* that awt most in wove? -Youw eyes do make nyo coaches; in youw teaws -*cries* Thewe is nyo cewtain pwincess *sweats* that appeaws; -You'ww nyot be pewjuw'd; 'tis a *sweats* hatefuw thing; -Tush, nyonye xDD but minstwews wike of sonnyeting. -But awe you nyot ashamed? Nyay, awe you nyot, -Aww thwee of y-you, to be t-thus much o'ewshot? -Y-You ^w^ found his mote; the King youw mote did see; -But I a beam do find in each of thwee. -O, w-what a scenye of foow'wy have I seen, -Of sighs, of *sweats* gwoans, of sowwow, and of teen! -O, me, *pokes you* with w-what stwict p-patience have I sat, -To see a king twansfowmed to a gnyat! -To see gweat Hewcuwes w-whipping a gig, -And p-pwofound Sowomon to tunye a jig, -And *looks at you* Nyestow pway at push-pin *pokes you* with the *cries* boys, -And cwitic Timon *looks at you* waugh at idwe toys! -Whewe wies t-thy gwief, O, teww me, good Dumain? -And, g-gentwe Wongaviwwe, whewe wies t-thy pain? -And whewe my wiege's? Aww a-about the bweast. -A caudwe, ho! -KING. Too bittew is t-thy jest. -Awe we betwayed t-thus to t-thy ovew-view? -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyot you ^w^ by me, xDD but I betwayed to you. -I *sweats* that am honyest, I *sweats* that howd *moans* it sin -To bweak the vow I am e-engaged in; -I am betwayed ^w^ by keeping company -With men wike y-you, men of i-inconstancy. -When shaww you see me *looks away* wwite a thing in whyme? -Ow gwoan fow *looks at you* Joan? *blushes* ow spend a minyute's time -In :33 pwunying me? When shaww you heaw *sweats* that I -Wiww pwaise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye, -A gait, a state, a bwow, a bweast, a >_> waist, -A weg, a wimb- -KING. Soft! whithew away so fast? -A twue man *blushes* ow a thief *sweats* that gawwops *moans* so? -B-BEWOWNyE. I post fwom wove; good wovew, wet me go. - -Entew *sighs* JAQUENyETTA and *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -JAQUENyETTA. OwO God bwess the King! -KING. What ^.^ pwesent hast thou thewe? -COSTAWD. Some cewtain tweason. -KING. What makes tweason hewe? -COSTAWD. Nyay, *moans* it makes nyothing, siw. -KING. If *moans* it maw nyothing OwO nyeithew, -The tweason and you go in peace away togethew. -JAQUENyETTA. I beseech youw Gwace, wet this wettew be wead; -Ouw pewson misdoubts it: '-'twas tweason, he said. -KING. Bewownye, xDD wead *moans* it ovew. *moans* [BEWOWNyE weads the wettew] -Whewe hadst thou it? -JAQUENyETTA. Of Costawd. -KING. Whewe hadst thou it? -COSTAWD. Of Dun Adwamadio, Dun Adwamadio. -*moans* [BEWOWNyE teaws the wettew] -KING. H-How nyow! What is in you? Why dost thou teaw it? -B-BEWOWNyE. A toy, my wiege, a t-toy! Youw Gwace ;;w;; nyeeds nyot feaw it. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. It did move him to passion, and thewefowe wet's heaw -it. -DUMAIN. It is Bewownye's w-wwiting, and x3 hewe is his nyame. -[Gathewing up the pieces] -B-BEWOWNyE. [ To COSTAWD] Ah, you whoweson woggewhead, you wewe bown -to do me s-shame. -Guiwty, my wowd, guiwty! I confess, I ^w^ confess. -KING. W-What? -B-BEWOWNyE. *teleports behind you* That you thwee foows *twerks* wack'd me foow to make up the mess; -He, he, and you- and y-you, my wiege!- and I -Awe OwO pick-puwses in wove, and we desewve to die. -O, dismiss this audience, and I shaww teww you mowe. -DUMAIN. >_> Nyow the nyumbew is >_< even. -B-BEWOWNyE. Twue, twue, we awe fouw. -Wiww these tuwtwes be gonye? -KING. Hence, siws, a-away. -COSTAWD. Wawk aside the twue fowk, and wet the t-twaitows stay. -UwU Exeunt *giggles shyly* COSTAWD and *sighs* JAQUENyETTA -B-BEWOWNyE. Sweet wowds, sweet wovews, O, wet us embwace! -As twue we awe as UwU fwesh and b-bwood can be. -The *notices bulge* sea wiww ebb and fwow, heaven show his face; -Young b-bwood doth nyot obey an owd decwee. -We cannyot cwoss the c-cause why we wewe b-bown, -Thewefowe of aww h-hands must we be fowswown. -KING. What, did these went winyes show *blushes* some wove of thinye? -B-BEWOWNyE. *cuddles you* 'Did they?' *screams* quoth you. Who sees the heavenwy Wosawinye -That, wike a ^w^ wude and savage man of Inde -At the f-fiwst op'nying of the gowgeous east, -B-Bows nyot his vassaw *sweats* head and, s-stwucken b-bwind, -*looks away* Kisses the base gwound *pokes you* with o-obedient b-bweast? -What pewemptowy eagwe-sighted eye -Dawes wook upon the heaven of h-hew b-bwow -*teleports behind you* That is nyot bwinded ^w^ by h-hew majesty? -KING. What zeaw, w-what fuwy hath inspiw'd thee nyow? -My wove, h-hew mistwess, is a g-gwacious moon; -She, an attending staw, x3 scawce :33 seen a wight. -B-BEWOWNyE. My eyes awe then nyo e-eyes, n-nyow I Bewownye. -O, xDD but fow my wove, day ^.^ wouwd tuwn to nyight! -Of aww compwexions the cuww'd s-soveweignty -Do x3 meet, as at a uWu faiw, in h-hew *looks at you* faiw cheek, -Whewe sevewaw wowthies make onye dignyity, -Whewe nyothing wants *sweats* that want i-itsewf doth *pokes you* seek. -Wend me the fwouwish of aww g-gentwe tongues- -Fie, ;;w;; painted whetowic! O, she ;;w;; nyeeds *moans* it nyot! -To things of sawe a s-sewwew's pwaise bewongs: -She passes pwaise; then pwaise too showt doth bwot. -A withew'd h-hewmit, five-scowe x3 wintews wown, -Might s-shake off *sighs* fifty, wooking in h-hew eye. -B-Beauty doth vawnyish a-age, as if nyew-bown, -And gives the cwutch the cwadwe's *twerks* infancy. -O, 'tis the *moans* sun *sweats* that *giggles shyly* maketh aww things shinye! -KING. By heaven, t-thy wove is bwack as ebony. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* Is ebony wike hew? O wood divinye! -A wife of such wood wewe fewicity. -O, w-who can give an :3 oath? Whewe is a book? -*teleports behind you* That I may sweaw beauty doth beauty wack, -If *sweats* that she weawn nyot of h-hew eye to wook. -Nyo *cuddles you* face is *looks at you* faiw *sweats* that is nyot fuww so bwack. -KING. O pawadox! Bwack is the badge of heww, -The hue of d-dungeons, and the schoow of nyight; -And beauty's cwest becomes the *leans over* heavens weww. -B-BEWOWNyE. Deviws soonyest tempt, wesembwing spiwits of wight. -O, if in bwack my *teleports behind you* wady's bwows be deckt, -It mouwns *sweats* that painting and usuwping haiw -Shouwd wavish dotews *pokes you* with a f-fawse aspect; -And thewefowe is she bown to make bwack >w< faiw. -Hew favouw tuwns the fashion of the days; -F-Fow n-nyative b-bwood is counted painting x3 nyow; -And thewefowe wed *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd avoid dispwaise -Paints i-itsewf bwack, to *cries* imitate h-hew bwow. -DUMAIN. To wook wike h-hew awe c-chimnyey-sweepews bwack. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. And s-since h-hew time awe cowwiews counted bwight. -KING. And >_> Ethiopes of t-theiw sweet compwexion cwack. -DUMAIN. Dawk ;;w;; nyeeds nyo candwes nyow, fow dawk is wight. -B-BEWOWNyE. Youw mistwesses dawe nyevew come in wain -F-Fow feaw t-theiw cowouws shouwd be wash'd a-away. -KING. 'Twewe good youws did; *notices bulge* fow, siw, to teww you *moans* pwain, -I'ww find a faiwew *cuddles you* face nyot wash'd to-day. -B-BEWOWNyE. I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove h-hew uWu faiw, *blushes* ow tawk tiww doomsday hewe. -KING. Nyo deviw wiww fwight thee then so much as s-she. -DUMAIN. I nyevew knyew man howd viwe s-stuff so deaw. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Wook, hewe's t-thy x3 wove: my f-foot and h-hew *cuddles you* face see. -[Showing his shoe] -B-BEWOWNyE. O, if the stweets wewe p-paved *pokes you* with thinye e-eyes, -Hew feet wewe much too dainty fow such twead! -DUMAIN. O viwe! Then, as she goes, w-what >_> upwawd wies -The UwU stweet shouwd see as she wawk'd ovewhead. -KING. But w-what of *sweats* this? Awe we nyot aww in wove? -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyothing so s-suwe; and t-theweby aww fowswown. -KING. T-Then weave this chat; and, good Bewownye, n-nyow *shuffles closer* pwove -Ouw ^.^ woving wawfuw, and o-ouw faith nyot *looks at you* town. -DUMAIN. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, t-thewe; *blushes* some fwattewy fow this e-eviw. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. O, *blushes* some a-authowity how to pwoceed; -Some twicks, *blushes* some quiwwets, how to cheat the deviw! -DUMAIN. Some sawve fow pewjuwy. -B-BEWOWNyE. 'Tis mowe than >_> nyeed. -Have at y-you, then, OwO affection's *shuffles closer* men-at-awms. -Considew w-what you f-fiwst did sweaw unto: -To fast, to s-study, and to see nyo woman- -Fwat tweason 'gainst the kingwy state of y-youth. -Say, can you fast? Youw stomachs awe too young, -And abstinyence engendews mawadies. -And, whewe *sweats* that you you have v-vow'd to s-study, wowds, -In *sweats* that each of you have fowswown his book, -C-Can you stiww dweam, and *hugs tightly* powe, and theweon wook? -F-Fow when ^.^ wouwd y-you, my wowd, *blushes* ow y-you, *blushes* ow y-you, -Have ^w^ found the gwound of study's e-excewwence -Without the beauty of a woman's face? -Fwom women's eyes this doctwinye I dewive: -They awe the gwound, the b-books, the ^-^ academes, -Fwom whence doth spwing the twue Pwomethean fiwe. -W-Why, unyivewsaw pwodding p-poisons up -The n-nyimbwe spiwits in the awtewies, -As motion and wong-duwing action *twerks* tiwes -The sinyewy vigouw of the twavewwew. -Nyow, fow nyot wooking *teleports behind you* on a woman's face, -Y-You have in *sweats* that fowswown the use of e-eyes, -And study too, the c-causew of youw vow; -F-Fow whewe is authow in the wowwd -T-Teaches such beauty as a woman's eye? -*sweats* Weawnying is xDD but an adjunct to ouwsewf, -And whewe we awe o-ouw weawnying *sweats* wikewise is; -T-Then when ouwsewves we see in wadies' e-eyes, -With ouwsewves. -Do we nyot *sweats* wikewise see o-ouw weawnying thewe? -O, we have made a vow to s-study, wowds, -And in *sweats* that vow we have fowswown o-ouw books. -F-Fow when ^.^ wouwd y-you, my wiege, *blushes* ow y-you, *blushes* ow y-you, -In weaden ;;w;; contempwation have ^w^ found out -*screams* Such f-fiewy uWu nyumbews as the pwompting eyes -Of beauty's t-tutows have enwich'd you with? -Othew swow awts entiwewy keep the *looks at you* bwain; -And thewefowe, finding bawwen pwactisews, -Scawce show a hawvest of t-theiw heavy toiw; -But wove, f-fiwst weawnyed in a *teleports behind you* wady's e-eyes, -L-Wives nyot awonye immuwed in the bwain, -But *pokes you* with the motion of aww *sighs* ewements -Couwses as swift as thought in evewy powew, -And gives to evewy *cries* powew a doubwe powew, -Above t-theiw f-functions and t-theiw offices. -It *sweats* adds a p-pwecious seeing to the *teleports behind you* eye: -A wovew's eyes wiww gaze an eagwe bwind. -A wovew's eaw wiww heaw the wowest ;;w;; sound, -When the suspicious *sweats* head of theft is stopp'd. -Wove's f-feewing is mowe soft and sensibwe -*notices bulge* Than awe the tendew howns of *shuffles closer* cockwed snyaiws: -Wove's t-tongue pwoves dainty Bacchus gwoss in taste. -F-Fow vawouw, is nyot Wove a Hewcuwes, -Stiww cwimbing twees in the Hespewides? -Subtwe as Sphinx; as sweet and musicaw -As bwight Apowwo's wute, stwung *pokes you* with his haiw. -And when Wove speaks, the *cuddles you* voice of aww the gods -Make heaven *pokes you* dwowsy *pokes you* with the hawmony. -Nyevew d-duwst *sweats* poet touch a pen to *looks away* wwite -Untiw his >_> ink wewe temp'wed *pokes you* with Wove's sighs; -O, then his winyes ^.^ wouwd wavish savage :3 eaws, -And pwant in tywants *cuddles you* miwd humiwity. -Fwom women's eyes this doctwinye I x3 dewive. -They spawkwe stiww the wight Pwomethean fiwe; -They awe the b-books, the awts, the ^-^ academes, -*teleports behind you* That show, contain, and nyouwish, aww the wowwd, -Ewse nyonye at aww in a-aught pwoves *pokes you* excewwent. -T-Then foows you wewe these women to fowsweaw; -Ow, keeping w-what is swown, you wiww *shuffles closer* pwove foows. -F-Fow *moans* wisdom's sake, a wowd *sweats* that aww men wove; -Ow fow Wove's sake, a wowd *sweats* that woves aww men; -Ow fow men's sake, the authows of these women; -Ow women's sake, ^w^ by whom we men awe men- -Wet us once wose o-ouw *twerks* oaths to find ouwsewves, -Ow e-ewse we wose ouwsewves to keep o-ouw oaths. -It is *notices bulge* wewigion to be t-thus fowswown; -F-Fow chawity i-itsewf fuwfiws the waw, -And w-who can sevew wove fwom chawity? -KING. Saint *cuddles you* Cupid, ^-^ then! and, sowdiews, to the fiewd! -B-BEWOWNyE. Advance youw s-standawds, and upon them, wowds; -Peww-meww, down *pokes you* with them! be f-fiwst advis'd, -In confwict, *sweats* that you get the *moans* sun of them. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. >_> Nyow to pwain-deawing; *looks at you* way these gwozes b-by. -Shaww we wesowve to woo these giwws of Fwance? -KING. And win them too; thewefowe wet us devise -Some *twerks* entewtainment fow them in t-theiw tents. -B-BEWOWNyE. Fiwst, fwom the pawk wet us conduct them t-thithew; -T-Then homewawd evewy man attach the h-hand -Of his *looks at you* faiw mistwess. In the aftewnyoon -We wiww *pokes you* with *blushes* some stwange UwU pastime sowace them, -*screams* Such as the showtnyess of the time can shape; -F-Fow wevews, dances, masks, and mewwy houws, -Fowewun *looks at you* faiw Wove, stwewing h-hew way *pokes you* with fwowews. -KING. ^w^ Away, *shuffles closer* away! Nyo time shaww be omitted -*teleports behind you* That wiww *looks at you* betime, and may ^w^ by us be ;;w;; fitted. -B-BEWOWNyE. A-Awwons! awwons! Sow'd cockwe weap'd nyo c-cown, -And justice awways whiwws in equaw measuwe. -Wight x3 wenches may *shuffles closer* pwove pwagues to men fowswown; -If so, o-ouw coppew buys nyo bettew tweasuwe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -The pawk - -Entew HOWOFEWNyES, SIW ^-^ NyATHANyIEW, and DUWW - -HOWOFEWNyES. Satis quod sufficit. -NyATHANyIEW. I pwaise OwO God fow y-you, siw. Youw weasons at dinnyew have -been shawp and s-sententious; pweasant without scuwwiwity, witty -without affection, audacious without impudency, weawnyed without -opinyion, and stwange without hewesy. I did convewse this quondam -day *pokes you* with a companyion of the K-King's w-who is *cries* intituwed, nyominyated, -*blushes* ow cawwed, :33 Don Adwianyo de Awmado. -HOWOFEWNyES. Nyovi hominyem tanquam te. His humouw is wofty, his -d-discouwse *twerks* pewemptowy, his t-tongue f-fiwed, his eye ambitious, his -gait majesticaw and his *screams* genyewaw *screams* behaviouw vain, widicuwous, and -thwasonyicaw. He is too picked, too s-spwuce, too affected, too odd, -as *moans* it wewe, too pewegwinyate, as I may *giggles shyly* caww it. -NyATHANyIEW. A most singuwaw and choice epithet. -[Dwaws out his tabwe-book] -HOWOFEWNyES. He dwaweth out the thwead of his ^w^ vewbosity uWu finyew than -the stapwe of his awgument. I abhow such fanyaticaw phantasimes, -such insociabwe and point-devise c-companyions; such wackews of -owthogwaphy, as to speak 'dout' finye, when he shouwd say 'doubt'; -'det' when he shouwd pwonyounce 'debt'- d, e, b, t, nyot d, e, t. -He cwepeth a c-cawf 'cauf,' h-hawf *blushes* 'hauf'; *screams* nyeighbouw vocatuw -'nyebouw'; 'nyeigh' abbweviated '-'nye.' This is abhominyabwe- which he -^.^ wouwd *giggles shyly* caww 'abbominyabwe.' It insinyuateth me of insanyie: nye -intewwigis, dominye? to make fwantic, wunyatic. -NyATHANyIEW. Waus Deo, bonye *shuffles closer* intewwigo. -HOWOFEWNyES. ^-^ 'Bonye'?- 'bonye' fow 'benye.' *looks away* Pwiscian a wittwe -*notices bulge* scwatch'd; *giggles shyly* 'twiww sewve. - -Entew AWMADO, MOTH, and *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -NyATHANyIEW. *shuffles closer* Videsnye quis v-venyit? -HOWOFEWNyES. Video, et g-gaudeo. -AWMADO. [To MOTH] *blushes* Chiwwah! -HOWOFEWNyES. Quawe 'chiwwah,' nyot '-'siwwah'? -AWMADO. Men of peace, weww encount'wed. -HOWOFEWNyES. Most miwitawy siw, sawutation. -M-MOTH. [Aside to COSTAWD] They have been at a gweat feast of -wanguages and stow'n the scwaps. -COSTAWD. O, they have wiv'd wong *teleports behind you* on the awms-basket of wowds. I -mawvew t-thy mastew hath nyot eaten thee fow a wowd, fow thou awe -nyot so wong ^w^ by the *sweats* head as honyowificabiwitudinyitatibus; thou awt -*twerks* easiew *shuffles closer* swawwowed than a *shuffles closer* fwap-dwagon. -M-MOTH. Peace! the peaw begins. -AWMADO. [To HOWOFEWNyES] Monsieuw, awe you nyot wett'wed? -M-MOTH. Yes, yes; he t-teaches boys the *sighs* hownbook. What is a, b, spewt -backwawd *pokes you* with the hown *teleports behind you* on his head? -HOWOFEWNyES. Ba, p-puewitia, *pokes you* with a hown added. -M-MOTH. Ba, most uWu siwwy sheep *pokes you* with a hown. Y-You heaw his *twerks* weawnying. -HOWOFEWNyES. Quis, quis, thou consonyant? -M-MOTH. The thiwd of the five vowews, if Y-You wepeat them; *blushes* ow the -fifth, if I. -HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww wepeat them: a, e, I- -M-MOTH. The sheep; the othew xDD two concwudes it: o-o, U. -AWMADO. Nyow, ^w^ by the uWu sawt w-wave of the Meditewwanyeum, a sweet *sighs* touch, -a quick venyue of wit- snyip, snyap, quick and home. It wejoiceth my -intewwect. Twue wit! -M-MOTH. Offew'd ^w^ by a xDD chiwd to an owd man; which is w-wit-owd. -HOWOFEWNyES. What is the figuwe? What is the figuwe? -M-MOTH. Howns. -HOWOFEWNyES. *moans* Thou disputes wike an infant; go whip t-thy gig. -M-MOTH. Wend me youw hown to make ^.^ onye, and I wiww whip a-about youw -infamy ciwcum ciwca- a gig of a cuckowd's hown. -COSTAWD. *looks at you* An I h-had xDD but onye UwU penny in the wowwd, thou shouwdst have *moans* it -to b-buy g-gingew-bwead. Howd, thewe is the vewy wemunyewation I h-had -of t-thy mastew, thou hawfpenny puwse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of -discwetion. O, an the *leans over* heavens wewe so pweased *sweats* that thou wewt xDD but -my bastawd, w-what a joyfuw fathew wouwdst thou make me! Go uWu to; -thou hast *moans* it ^w^ ad d-dunghiww, at the fingews' ends, as they say. -HOWOFEWNyES. O, I smeww f-fawse Watin; 'dunghiww' fow unguem. -AWMADO. Awts-man, pweambuwate; we wiww be singuwed fwom the -bawbawous. Do you nyot educate youth at the chawge-house *teleports behind you* on the -t-top of the mountain? -HOWOFEWNyES. Ow m-mons, the *cries* hiww. -AWMADO. At youw sweet pweasuwe, fow the *screams* mountain. -HOWOFEWNyES. I do, sans q-question. -AWMADO. Siw, *moans* it is the K-King's most sweet pweasuwe and affection to -congwatuwate the Pwincess at h-hew paviwion, in the postewiows of -this day; which the ^w^ wude muwtitude *giggles shyly* caww the aftewnyoon. -HOWOFEWNyES. The postewiow of the day, most genyewous siw, is wiabwe, -congwuent, and measuwabwe, fow the aftewnyoon. The wowd is weww -cuww'd, chose, sweet, and apt, I do ;;w;; assuwe y-you, siw, I do assuwe. -AWMADO. Siw, the King is a nyobwe g-gentweman, and my famiwiaw, I do -;;w;; assuwe y-ye, vewy good fwiend. F-Fow w-what is i-inwawd between us, wet -*moans* it pass. I do beseech ^w^ thee, wemembew t-thy couwtesy. I beseech -^w^ thee, appawew t-thy h-head. And among othew i-impowtunyate and most -sewious designs, and of gweat impowt indeed, t-too- xDD but wet *sweats* that -pass; fow I must teww thee *moans* it wiww pwease his Gwace, ^w^ by the -wowwd, sometime to wean upon my poow shouwdew, and *pokes you* with his woyaw -fingew t-thus d-dawwy *pokes you* with my e-excwement, *pokes you* with my mustachio; but, -sweet h-heawt, wet *sweats* that pass. By the wowwd, I wecount nyo fabwe: -*blushes* some cewtain speciaw honyouws *moans* it pweaseth his *notices bulge* gweatnyess to impawt -to Awmado, a sowdiew, a man of twavew, *sweats* that hath :33 seen the wowwd; -xDD but wet *sweats* that pass. The vewy aww of aww is- but, sweet h-heawt, I do -impwowe secwecy- *sweats* that the King ^.^ wouwd have me ^.^ pwesent the -Pwincess, sweet chuck, *pokes you* with *blushes* some dewightfuw ostentation, *blushes* ow show, -*blushes* ow pageant, *blushes* ow antic, *blushes* ow fiwewowk. Nyow, undewstanding *sweats* that the -cuwate and youw sweet sewf awe good at such ewuptions and sudden -bweaking-out of miwth, as *moans* it wewe, I have acquainted you withaw, -to the end to c-cwave youw assistance. -HOWOFEWNyES. Siw, you shaww ^.^ pwesent befowe h-hew the N-Nyinye Wowthies. -Siw *cuddles you* Nyathanyiew, as c-concewnying *blushes* some *twerks* entewtainment of time, *blushes* some -show in the postewiow of this day, to be wend'wed ^w^ by o-ouw -assistance, the K-King's command, and this most g-gawwant, -iwwustwate, and weawnyed g-gentweman, befowe the Pwincess- I say -nyonye so fit as to ^.^ pwesent the N-Nyinye Wowthies. -NyATHANyIEW. Whewe wiww you find men wowthy enyough to ^.^ pwesent them? -HOWOFEWNyES. Joshua, youwsewf; *twerks* mysewf, Awexandew; this gawwant -g-gentweman, Judas Maccabaeus; this s-swain, because of his gweat -l-wimb *blushes* ow joint, shaww pass Pompey the Gweat; the page, Hewcuwes. -AWMADO. Pawdon, siw; ewwow: he is nyot q-quantity enyough fow *sweats* that -*shuffles closer* Wowthy's thumb; he is nyot so big as the end of his cwub. -HOWOFEWNyES. Shaww I have audience? He shaww ^.^ pwesent Hewcuwes in -minyowity: his entew and exit shaww be s-stwangwing a snyake; and I -wiww have an >_> apowogy fow *sweats* that ^.^ puwpose. -M-MOTH. *looks at you* An excewwent *looks at you* device! >_> So, if any of the audience >w< hiss, you may -cwy '-'Weww donye, H-Hewcuwes; n-nyow thou cwushest the snyake!' *teleports behind you* That is -the way to make an offence gwacious, *sighs* though f-few have the gwace to -do it. -AWMADO. F-Fow the west of the Wowthies? -HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww pway thwee mysewf. -M-MOTH. Thwice-wowthy gentweman! -AWMADO. Shaww I teww you a t-thing? -HOWOFEWNyES. We attend. -AWMADO. We wiww h-have, if this fadge nyot, an antic. I beseech y-you, -fowwow. -HOWOFEWNyES. Via, >_< goodman Duww! *moans* Thou has spoken nyo wowd aww this -whiwe. -*looks at you* DUWW. N-Nyow u-undewstood nyonye OwO nyeithew, siw. -HOWOFEWNyES. A-Awwons! we wiww empwoy thee. -*looks at you* DUWW. I'ww make onye in a d-dance, *blushes* ow so, *blushes* ow I wiww pway -On the tabow to the Wowthies, and wet them dance the h-hay. -HOWOFEWNyES. Most duww, honyest Duww! To o-ouw spowt, a-away. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The pawk - -Entew the PWINCESS, MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, and WOSAWINyE - -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Sweet heawts, we shaww be wich ewe we depawt, -If faiwings come t-thus pwentifuwwy i-in. -A wady waww'd a-about *pokes you* with diamonds! -Wook you w-what I have fwom the ^.^ woving King. -WOSAWINyE. Madam, came nyothing e-ewse awong *pokes you* with that? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyothing xDD but this! Yes, as much wove in xDD whyme -As ^.^ wouwd be *sighs* cwamm'd up in a sheet of papew -Wwit o' b-both sides the weaf, mawgent and a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That he was fain to s-seaw *teleports behind you* on Cupid's nyame. -WOSAWINyE. *teleports behind you* That was the way to make his godhead wax; -F-Fow he hath been five thousand *leans over* yeaw a boy. -KATHAWINyE. :33 Ay, and a shwewd unhappy g-gawwows too. -WOSAWINyE. You'ww nye'ew be fwiends *pokes you* with him: *leans over* 'a kiww'd youw sistew. -KATHAWINyE. He made h-hew >w< mewanchowy, s-sad, and heavy; -And so she died. Had she been >w< wight, wike y-you, -Of such a mewwy, nyimbwe, stiwwing spiwit, -She might *leans over* 'a been a ;;w;; gwandam ewe she died. -And so may you; fow a wight heawt wives l-wong. -WOSAWINyE. What's youw dawk m-meanying, *sighs* mouse, of this wight wowd? -KATHAWINyE. A wight condition in a beauty d-dawk. -WOSAWINyE. We nyeed mowe wight to find youw meanying ^w^ out. -KATHAWINyE. You'ww maw the wight ^w^ by taking *moans* it in snyuff; -Thewefowe I'ww dawkwy end the awgument. -WOSAWINyE. Wook w-what you do, you do *moans* it stiww i-i' th' d-dawk. -KATHAWINyE. So do nyot you; fow you awe a wight *twerks* wench. -WOSAWINyE. I-Indeed, I weigh nyot you; and thewefowe wight. -KATHAWINyE. Y-You weigh me nyot? O, that's you OwO cawe nyot fow me. -WOSAWINyE. G-Gweat weason; fow 'past *notices bulge* cuwe is stiww past cawe.' -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Weww bandied both; a set of wit weww pway'd. -But, ^w^ Wosawinye, you have a favouw too? -Who OwO sent it? and w-what is it? -WOSAWINyE. I ^.^ wouwd you knyew. -*looks at you* An if my *cuddles you* face wewe xDD but as *looks at you* faiw as youws, -My favouw wewe as gweat: be witnyess this. -Nyay, I have vewses too, I t-thank Bewownye; -The uWu nyumbews twue, and, wewe the nyumb'wing too, -I wewe the faiwest goddess *teleports behind you* on the gwound. -I am compaw'd to twenty thousand faiws. -O, he hath dwawn my p-pictuwe in his wettew! -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Anything wike? -WOSAWINyE. Much in the wettews; nyothing in the p-pwaise. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Beauteous as ink- a good concwusion. -KATHAWINyE. >_< Faiw as a t-text B in a copy-book. -WOSAWINyE. Wawe penciws, ho! Wet me nyot die youw d-debtow, -My wed dominyicaw, my gowden *sighs* wettew: -O *sweats* that youw *cuddles you* face wewe nyot so fuww of O's! -KATHAWINyE. A p-pox of *sweats* that jest! and I beshwew aww shwows! -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. But, Kathawinye, w-what was OwO sent to you fwom *looks at you* faiw -Dumain? -KATHAWINyE. Madam, this gwove. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *sweats* Did he nyot send you twain? -KATHAWINyE. Yes, madam; and, moweovew, -Some thousand vewses of a >_> faithfuw l-wovew; -A huge twanswation of hypocwisy, -V-Viwewy compiw'd, p-pwofound *looks away* simpwicity. -MAWIA. This, and these peaww, to me OwO sent Wongaviwwe; -The wettew is too wong ^w^ by h-hawf a *notices bulge* miwe. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I think nyo wess. Dost thou nyot wish in heawt -The chain wewe *teleports behind you* wongew and the wettew showt? -MAWIA. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow I ^.^ wouwd these h-hands might nyevew pawt. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We awe w-wise giwws to mock o-ouw wovews so. -WOSAWINyE. They awe wowse foows to puwchase mocking so. -*teleports behind you* That same Bewownye I'ww towtuwe ewe I go. -O *sweats* that I knyew he wewe xDD but in ^w^ by th' week! -H-How I ^.^ wouwd make him fawn, and beg, and >w< seek, -And *pokes you* wait the season, and obsewve the times, -And spend his pwodigaw ^-^ wits in bootwess whymes, -And shape his sewvice w-whowwy to my hests, -And make him pwoud to make me pwoud *sweats* that jests! -So pewtaunt-wike ^.^ wouwd I o'ewsway his state -*teleports behind you* That he shouwd be my foow, and I his fate. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *cuddles you* Nyonye awe so suwewy *pokes you* caught, when they awe -catch'd, -As wit tuwn'd foow; fowwy, in wisdom hatch'd, -Hath *moans* wisdom's wawwant and the hewp of *pokes you* schoow, -And wit's own gwace to gwace a weawnyed foow. -WOSAWINyE. The b-bwood of youth buwns nyot *pokes you* with such ^w^ excess -As g-gwavity's wevowt to w-wantonnyess. -MAWIA. Fowwy in foows beaws nyot so stwong a *pokes you* nyote -As foow'wy in the w-wise when wit doth dote, -Since aww the *cries* powew *hugs tightly* theweof *moans* it doth a-appwy -To pwove, ^w^ by wit, wowth in *looks away* simpwicity. - -Entew BOYET - -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Hewe c-comes Boyet, and miwth is in his face. -BOYET. O, I am stabb'd *pokes you* with waughtew! Whewe's h-hew Gwace? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thy nyews, Boyet? -BOYET. Pwepawe, *looks at you* madam, *giggles shyly* pwepawe! -A-Awm, wenches, awm! Encountews m-mounted awe -Against youw *teleports behind you* peace. Wove doth appwoach *notices bulge* disguis'd, -Awmed in awguments; y-you'ww be suwpwis'd. -Mustew youw wits; *looks at you* stand in youw own defence; -Ow hide youw :33 heads wike cowawds, and f-fwy hence. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Saint *sighs* Dennyis to Saint Cupid! What awe they -*teleports behind you* That chawge t-theiw >_< bweath against us? Say, *moans* scout, say. -BOYET. Undew the coow shade of a sycamowe -I thought to cwose minye eyes *blushes* some h-hawf an *cuddles you* houw; -When, uWu wo, to intewwupt my puwpos'd west, -Towawd *sweats* that shade I might behowd addwest -The King and his c-companyions; w-wawiwy -I s-stowe into a *screams* nyeighbouw thicket by, -And ovewheawd w-what you shaww ovewheaw- -That, ^w^ by and by, disguis'd they wiww be hewe. -T-Theiw *leans over* hewawd is a pwetty knyavish page, -*teleports behind you* That weww ^w^ by heawt hath conn'd his embassage. -Action and accent did they teach him thewe: -'Thus must thou speak' and *sighs* 'thus t-thy body beaw,' -And *giggles shyly* evew and anyon they made a d-doubt -Pwesence majesticaw ^.^ wouwd p-put him out; -uWu 'Fow' *screams* quoth the King *moans* 'an a-angew shawt thou see; -Y-Yet feaw nyot thou, xDD but speak a-audaciouswy.' -The *cries* boy wepwied 'An a-angew is nyot eviw; -I shouwd have feaw'd h-hew h-had she been a d-deviw.' -With *sweats* that aww waugh'd, and cwapp'd him *teleports behind you* on the shouwdew, -Making the bowd wag ^w^ by t-theiw pwaises bowdew. -Onye wubb'd his ewbow, :3 thus, and fweew'd, and >_> swowe -A bettew speech was nyevew s-spoke befowe. -Anyothew *pokes you* with his fingew and his uWu thumb -Cwied 'Via! we wiww do't, come w-what wiww c-come.' -The thiwd he capew'd, and cwied 'Aww goes weww.' -The fouwth tuwn'd *teleports behind you* on the toe, and down he feww. -With *sweats* that they aww did tumbwe *teleports behind you* on the gwound, -With such a zeawous waughtew, so pwofound, -*teleports behind you* That in this spween r-widicuwous appeaws, -To check t-theiw fowwy, passion's *hugs tightly* sowemn teaws. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. But what, xDD but what, come they to visit us? -BOYET. They do, they do, and awe appaweww'd :3 thus, -Wike Muscovites *blushes* ow Wussians, as I guess. -T-Theiw puwpose is to pawwey, couwt, and dance; -And evewy onye his wove-feat wiww advance -Unto his sevewaw mistwess; which they'ww knyow -By favouws sevewaw which they did bestow. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. And wiww they *moans* so? The gawwants shaww be task'd, -Fow, wadies, we wiww evewy onye be m-mask'd; -And nyot a man of them shaww have the gwace, -Despite of suit, to see a *teleports behind you* wady's face. -Howd, ^w^ Wosawinye, this favouw thou shawt weaw, -And then the King wiww couwt thee fow his *sweats* deaw; -Howd, take thou t-this, my sweet, and give me thinye, -So shaww Bewownye take me fow Wosawinye. -And change you favouws too; so shaww youw woves -Woo c-contwawy, deceiv'd ^w^ by these wemoves. -WOSAWINyE. Come on, then, weaw the favouws most in s-sight. -KATHAWINyE. But, in this changing, w-what is youw intent? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The effect of my intent is to cwoss theiws. -They do *moans* it xDD but in mocking mewwiment, -And mock fow mock is onwy my intent. -T-Theiw sevewaw c-counsews they unbosom shaww -To woves mistook, and so be mock'd *shuffles closer* withaw -^-^ Upon the nyext occasion *sweats* that we meet -With visages dispway'd to tawk and gweet. -WOSAWINyE. But shaww we d-dance, if they desiwe us to't? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. N-Nyo, to the death, we wiww nyot move a foot, -N-Nyow to t-theiw penn'd speech wendew we nyo gwace; -But whiwe 'tis s-spoke each tuwn away h-hew face. -BOYET. W-Why, *sweats* that *moans* contempt wiww kiww the speakew's h-heawt, -And q-quite divowce his *twerks* memowy fwom his pawt. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thewefowe I do it; and I make nyo d-doubt -The west wiww nye'ew come in, if he be ^w^ out. ->_> Thewe's nyo such spowt as spowt ^w^ by spowt o'ewthwown, -To make theiws ouws, and ouws nyonye xDD but o-ouw own; -So shaww we stay, mocking intended g-game, -And they weww mock'd depawt away *pokes you* with s-shame. -[-[Twumpet sounds within] -BOYET. The twumpet s-sounds; be m-mask'd; the maskews come. -[The WADIES mask] - -Entew BWACKAMOOWS *screams* music, *blushes* MOTH as Pwowogue, the -KING and his WOWDS as maskews, in the guise of Wussians - -M-MOTH. Aww haiw, the wichest heauties *teleports behind you* on the eawth! -BOYET. Beauties nyo *cuddles you* wichew than wich t-taffeta. -M-MOTH. A howy pawcew of the faiwest dames -[The WADIES tuwn t-theiw backs to h-him] -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew tuwn'd theiw- backs- to mowtaw views! -B-BEWOWNyE. T-Theiw e-eyes, viwwain, t-theiw eyes. -M-MOTH. *teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew tuwn'd t-theiw eyes to mowtaw views! -Out- -BOYET. Twue; out indeed. -M-MOTH. Out of youw f-favouws, heavenwy spiwits, v-vouchsafe -Nyot to behowd- -B-BEWOWNyE. O-Once to behowd, wogue. -M-MOTH. O-Once to behowd *pokes you* with youw sun-beamed eyes- *pokes you* with youw -sun-beamed eyes- -BOYET. They wiww nyot *sighs* answew to *sweats* that >w< epithet; -Y-You wewe best *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it 'daughtew-beamed eyes.' -M-MOTH. They do nyot mawk me, and *sweats* that bwings me ^w^ out. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* Is this youw pewfectnyess? Be :3 gonye, you wogue. -Exit *blushes* MOTH -WOSAWINyE. What ^.^ wouwd these stwangews? Knyow t-theiw minds, Boyet. -If they do speak o-ouw wanguage, 'tis o-ouw wiww -*teleports behind you* That *blushes* some pwain man wecount t-theiw puwposes. -Knyow w-what they wouwd. -BOYET. What ^.^ wouwd you *pokes you* with the Pwincess? -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyothing xDD but peace and g-gentwe visitation. -WOSAWINyE. What ^.^ wouwd they, say they? -BOYET. Nyothing xDD but peace and g-gentwe visitation. -WOSAWINyE. W-Why, *sweats* that they have; and bid them so be gonye. -BOYET. She says you have it, and you may be gonye. -KING. Say to h-hew we have measuw'd many miwes -To twead a measuwe *pokes you* with h-hew *teleports behind you* on this gwass. -BOYET. They say *sweats* that they have measuw'd many a miwe -To twead a measuwe *pokes you* with you *teleports behind you* on this gwass. -WOSAWINyE. It is nyot so. Ask them how many inches -*looks at you* Is in onye miwe? If they have m-measuwed many, -The measuwe, then, of onye is eas'wy towd. -BOYET. If to come hithew you have measuw'd miwes, -And many miwes, the Pwincess b-bids you teww -H-How many inches doth fiww up onye *notices bulge* miwe. -B-BEWOWNyE. Teww h-hew we measuwe them ^w^ by weawy steps. -BOYET. She heaws *blushes* hewsewf. -WOSAWINyE. H-How many weawy steps -Of many weawy miwes you have o'ewgonye -Awe nyumb'wed in the *sweats* twavew of onye miwe? -B-BEWOWNyE. We nyumbew nyothing *sweats* that we spend fow you; -Ouw duty is so wich, so infinyite, -*teleports behind you* That we may do *moans* it stiww without accompt. -Vouchsafe to show the sunshinye of youw face, -*teleports behind you* That w-we, wike savages, may wowship it. -WOSAWINyE. My *cuddles you* face is xDD but a m-moon, and cwouded too. -KING. Bwessed awe cwouds, to do as such cwouds do. -Vouchsafe, bwight m-moon, and these t-thy staws, to shinye, -Those cwouds wemoved, upon o-ouw watewy *teleports behind you* eynye. -WOSAWINyE. O vain p-petitionyew! beg a gweatew mattew; -*moans* Thou n-nyow wequests xDD but moonshinye in the *looks at you* watew. -KING. T-Then in o-ouw measuwe do xDD but v-vouchsafe onye change. -*moans* Thou *teleports behind you* bid'st me *hugs tightly* beg; this begging is nyot stwange. -WOSAWINyE. Pway, *screams* music, UwU then. Nyay, you must do *moans* it soon. -Nyot yet? Nyo dance! Thus change I wike the moon. -KING. Wiww you nyot dance? H-How come you t-thus estwanged? -WOSAWINyE. Y-You t-took the moon at fuww; xDD but n-nyow she's changed. -KING. Y-Yet stiww she is the Moon, and I the M-Man. -The *hugs tightly* music p-pways; v-vouchsafe *blushes* some motion to it. -WOSAWINyE. Ouw eaws v-vouchsafe it. -KING. But youw wegs shouwd do it. -WOSAWINyE. Since you awe stwangews, and come x3 hewe ^w^ by *giggles shyly* chance, -We'ww nyot be nyice; take h-hands. We wiww nyot dance. -KING. Why take we h-hands then? -WOSAWINyE. Onwy to *cries* pawt xDD fwiends. -Cuwtsy, sweet heawts; and so the measuwe ends. -KING. Mowe measuwe of this m-measuwe; be nyot OwO nyice. -WOSAWINyE. We can affowd nyo mowe at such a pwice. -KING. Pwice you youwsewves. What buys youw company? -WOSAWINyE. Youw >_> absence onwy. -KING. *teleports behind you* That can nyevew be. -WOSAWINyE. T-Then cannyot we be bought; and so ^w^ adieu- -T-Twice to youw v-visow and h-hawf once to you. -KING. If you deny to d-dance, wet's howd mowe chat. -WOSAWINyE. In pwivate UwU then. -KING. I am best pweas'd *pokes you* with that. [They convewse apawt] -B-BEWOWNyE. White-handed mistwess, onye sweet wowd *pokes you* with thee. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Honyey, and miwk, and sugaw; thewe is thwee. -B-BEWOWNyE. Nyay, then, xDD two tweys, an if you gwow so n-nyice, -Methegwin, *pokes you* wowt, and mawmsey; weww wun d-dice! ->_> Thewe's h-hawf a dozen UwU sweets. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *looks at you* Seventh sweet, adieu! -Since you can c-cog, I'ww pway nyo mowe *pokes you* with you. -B-BEWOWNyE. Onye wowd in secwet. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wet *moans* it nyot be sweet. -B-BEWOWNyE. *moans* Thou gwievest my gaww. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *shuffles closer* Gaww! bittew. -B-BEWOWNyE. Thewefowe meet. [They convewse apawt] -DUMAIN. Wiww you v-vouchsafe *pokes you* with me to change a wowd? -MAWIA. Nyame it. -DUMAIN. >_< Faiw wady- -MAWIA. Say you *moans* so? >_< Faiw l-wowd- -Take *sweats* that fow youw *looks at you* faiw wady. -DUMAIN. Pwease *moans* it y-you, -As much in *pokes you* pwivate, and I'ww bid adieu. -[They convewse apawt] -KATHAWINyE. What, was youw vizawd made without a tongue? -:33 WONGAVIWWE. I knyow the weason, wady, why you ask. -KATHAWINyE. O fow youw weason! Quickwy, siw; I l-wong. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Y-You have a doubwe t-tongue within youw mask, -And ^.^ wouwd affowd my speechwess vizawd h-hawf. -KATHAWINyE. 'Veaw' *screams* quoth the Dutchman. *looks at you* Is nyot '-'veaw' a cawf? -:33 WONGAVIWWE. A cawf, *looks at you* faiw wady! -KATHAWINyE. N-Nyo, a *looks at you* faiw *hugs tightly* wowd *giggles shyly* cawf. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Wet's *cries* pawt the wowd. -KATHAWINyE. N-Nyo, I'ww nyot be youw h-hawf. -Take aww and wean it; *moans* it may *shuffles closer* pwove an ox. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Wook how you b-butt youwsewf in these shawp mocks! -Wiww you give howns, chaste wady? Do nyot so. -KATHAWINyE. T-Then die a cawf, befowe youw howns do g-gwow. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. Onye wowd in pwivate *pokes you* with you ewe I die. -KATHAWINyE. Bweat softwy, then; the butchew heaws you cwy. -[They convewse apawt] -BOYET. The tongues of mocking x3 wenches awe as keen -As is the wazow's edge invisibwe, -Cutting a smawwew haiw than may be seen, -Above the sense of sense; so sensibwe -S-Seemeth t-theiw confewence; t-theiw conceits have wings, -Fweetew than awwows, buwwets, wind, thought, >_> swiftew things. -WOSAWINyE. Nyot onye wowd mowe, my maids; bweak off, bweak off. -B-BEWOWNyE. By heaven, aww xDD dwy-beaten *pokes you* with puwe *moans* scoff! -KING. Faweweww, mad w-wenches; you have simpwe wits. -UwU Exeunt KING, :33 WOWDS, and BWACKAMOOWS -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Twenty adieus, my fwozen >_> Muscovits. -Awe these the bweed of ^-^ wits so wondewed at? -BOYET. Tapews they awe, *pokes you* with youw sweet *moans* bweaths puff'd ^w^ out. -WOSAWINyE. Weww-wiking ^-^ wits they have; gwoss, gwoss; fat, fat. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. O povewty in wit, k-kingwy-poow fwout! -Wiww they nyot, think y-you, hang themsewves to-nyight? -Ow *giggles shyly* evew xDD but in vizawds show t-theiw faces? -This pewt Bewownye was out of count'nyance q-quite. -WOSAWINyE. They wewe aww in l-wamentabwe cases! -The King was w-weeping-wipe fow a good wowd. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Bewownye did sweaw himsewf out of aww suit. -MAWIA. Dumain was at my sewvice, and his *shuffles closer* swowd. -'Nyo point' *screams* quoth I; my sewvant stwaight was mute. -KATHAWINyE. Wowd Wongaviwwe s-said I came o'ew his heawt; -And twow you w-what he c-caww'd me? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Q-Quawm, pewhaps. -KATHAWINyE. Yes, in good faith. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Go, sicknyess as thou awt! -WOSAWINyE. *sighs* Weww, bettew ^-^ wits have *looks away* wown pwain statute-caps. -But wiww you heaw? The King is my wove swown. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. And quick Bewownye hath pwighted faith to me. -KATHAWINyE. And Wongaviwwe was fow my sewvice b-bown. -MAWIA. Dumain is minye, as suwe as bawk *teleports behind you* on twee. -BOYET. Madam, and pwetty xDD mistwesses, give eaw: -Immediatewy they wiww ;;w;; again be x3 hewe -In t-theiw own s-shapes; fow *moans* it can nyevew be -They wiww digest this h-hawsh indignyity. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wiww they r-wetuwn? -BOYET. They wiww, they wiww, OwO God knyows, -And weap fow joy, *sighs* though they awe wame *pokes you* with bwows; -Thewefowe, change f-favouws; and, when they wepaiw, -Bwow wike sweet >_< woses in this s-summew aiw. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. H-How bwow? how bwow? Speak to be ^-^ undewstood. -BOYET. >_< Faiw wadies mask'd awe >_< woses in t-theiw b-bud: -*teleports behind you* Dismask'd, t-theiw d-damask sweet commixtuwe ^-^ shown, -Awe angews vaiwing cwouds, *blushes* ow >_< woses b-bwown. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Avaunt, pewpwexity! What shaww we do -If they r-wetuwn in t-theiw own shapes to woo? -WOSAWINyE. Good *looks at you* madam, if ^w^ by me y-you'ww be advis'd, -Wet's mock them stiww, as weww *teleports behind you* knyown as disguis'd. -Wet us compwain to them w-what foows wewe hewe, -Disguis'd wike M-Muscovites, in shapewess geaw; -And wondew w-what they wewe, and to w-what end -T-Theiw shawwow shows and p-pwowogue viwewy penn'd, -And t-theiw wough c-cawwiage so widicuwous, -Shouwd be pwesented at o-ouw tent to us. -BOYET. Wadies, w-withdwaw; the gawwants awe at hand. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Whip to o-ouw tents, as woes wun o'ew wand. -UwU Exeunt PWINCESS, WOSAWINyE, KATHAWINyE, and MAWIA - -We-entew the KING, B-BEWOWNyE, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN, -in t-theiw pwopew habits - -KING. >_< Faiw siw, OwO God uWu save y-you! Whewe's the Pwincess? -BOYET. Gonye to h-hew *looks away* tent. Pwease *moans* it youw Majesty -Command me any sewvice to h-hew thithew? -KING. *teleports behind you* That she v-vouchsafe me audience fow onye wowd. -BOYET. I wiww; and so wiww she, I knyow, my l-wowd. Exit -B-BEWOWNyE. This fewwow p-pecks up wit as pigeons pease, -And uttews *moans* it ;;w;; again when OwO God doth pwease. -He is wit's pedwaw, and :33 wetaiws his wawes -At wakes, and wassaiws, meetings, mawkets, faiws; -And we *sweats* that *notices bulge* seww ^w^ by gwoss, the Wowd doth knyow, -Have nyot the gwace to gwace *moans* it *pokes you* with such show. -This gawwant pins the x3 wenches *teleports behind you* on his s-sweeve; -Had he been Adam, he h-had xDD tempted Eve. -'A can cawve too, and l-wisp; why this is he -*teleports behind you* That kiss'd his h-hand away in couwtesy; -This is the ape of fowm, ^w^ Monsieuw the Nyice, -That, when he pways at tabwes, chides the dice -In honyouwabwe tewms; nyay, he can sing -A *looks at you* mean most meanwy; and in ushewing, -^.^ Mend him w-who c-can. The wadies *giggles shyly* caww him sweet; -The staiws, as he tweads *teleports behind you* on them, kiss his feet. -This is the fwow'w *sweats* that smiwes *teleports behind you* on evewy ^.^ onye, -To show his teeth as *looks away* white as whawes-bonye; -And c-consciences *sweats* that wiww nyot die in debt -P-Pay him the due of 'honyey-tongued Boyet.' -KING. A bwistew *teleports behind you* on his sweet t-tongue, *pokes you* with my h-heawt, -*teleports behind you* That p-put Awmado's p-page out of his pawt! - -We-entew the PWINCESS, ushewed ^w^ by BOYET; WOSAWINyE, -MAWIA, and KATHAWINyE - -B-BEWOWNyE. See whewe *moans* it comes! Behaviouw, w-what wewt thou -Tiww this man show'd *moans* thee? And w-what awt thou nyow? -KING. Aww haiw, sweet *looks at you* madam, and *looks at you* faiw time of day! -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'Faiw' in 'aww >_> haiw' is fouw, as I conceive. -KING. Constwue my speeches *blushes* bettew, if you *notices bulge* may. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. T-Then wish me bettew; I wiww give you >_< weave. -KING. We came to visit y-you, and puwpose n-nyow -To wead you to o-ouw couwt; v-vouchsafe *moans* it UwU then. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. This fiewd shaww howd me, and so howd youw *cuddles you* vow: -N-Nyow >_< God, n-nyow I, dewights in pewjuw'd men. -KING. Webuke me nyot fow *sweats* that which you pwovoke. -The *hugs tightly* viwtue of youw eye must bweak my oath. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Y-You nyicknyame viwtue: vice you shouwd have -spoke; -F-Fow viwtue's office nyevew bweaks men's twoth. ->_> Nyow ^w^ by my ^.^ maiden honyouw, yet as puwe -As the *shuffles closer* unsuwwied wiwy, I pwotest, -A wowwd of *moans* towments *sighs* though I shouwd enduwe, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot y-yiewd to be youw house's g-guest; -So much I hate a *pokes you* bweaking c-cause to be -Of heavenwy oaths, *sighs* vowed *pokes you* with integwity. -KING. O, you have wiv'd in desowation hewe, -Unseen, ;;w;; unvisited, much to o-ouw s-shame. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyot so, my wowd; *moans* it is nyot so, I sweaw; -We have h-had pastimes hewe, and pweasant game; -A mess of Wussians >w< weft us xDD but of wate. -KING. H-How, madam! Wussians! -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. :33 Ay, in twuth, my wowd; -Twim gawwants, fuww of couwtship and of state. -WOSAWINyE. Madam, speak twue. It is nyot so, my l-wowd. -My wady, to the mannyew of the *screams* days, -In couwtesy gives u-undesewving p-pwaise. -We fouw indeed confwonted wewe *pokes you* with fouw -In Wussian h-habit; x3 hewe they stayed an houw -And tawk'd apace; and in *sweats* that houw, my wowd, -They did nyot bwess us *pokes you* with onye happy wowd. -I dawe nyot *giggles shyly* caww them foows; xDD but this I think, -When they awe *blushes* thiwsty, foows ^.^ wouwd fain have *pokes you* dwink. -B-BEWOWNyE. This jest is dwy to me. >_< Faiw g-gentwe sweet, -Youw wit makes w-wise things foowish; when we gweet, -With eyes best seeing, heaven's f-fiewy eye, -By wight we wose >_< wight; youw capacity -*looks at you* Is of *sweats* that nyatuwe *sweats* that to youw huge stowe -Wise things seem foowish and wich things xDD but *leans over* poow. -WOSAWINyE. This pwoves you w-wise and wich, fow in my eye- -B-BEWOWNyE. I am a foow, and fuww of povewty. -WOSAWINyE. But *sweats* that you take w-what doth to you bewong, -It wewe a fauwt to snyatch wowds fwom my tongue. -B-BEWOWNyE. O, I am youws, and aww *sweats* that I possess. -WOSAWINyE. Aww the foow minye? -B-BEWOWNyE. I cannyot give you wess. -WOSAWINyE. Which of the vizawds was *moans* it *sweats* that you wowe? -B-BEWOWNyE. *notices bulge* Whewe? when? w-what x3 vizawd? Why demand you *sweats* this? -WOSAWINyE. Thewe, then, *sweats* that vizawd; *sweats* that :33 supewfwuous *screams* case -*teleports behind you* That hid the wowse and show'd the bettew face. -KING. We wewe descwied; they'ww mock us n-nyow >_< downwight. -DUMAIN. Wet us confess, and tuwn *moans* it to a jest. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Amaz'd, my wowd? Why wooks youw *sweats* Highnyess x3 sad? -WOSAWINyE. *leans over* Hewp, howd his bwows! he'ww >w< swoon! Why wook you pawe? -*twerks* Sea-sick, I think, coming fwom *shuffles closer* Muscovy. -B-BEWOWNyE. Thus *blushes* pouw the s-staws down pwagues fow pewjuwy. -C-Can any *cuddles you* face of b-bwass howd *teleports behind you* wongew out? -Hewe *looks at you* stand I, wady- dawt t-thy skiww at me, -Bwuise me *pokes you* with scown, confound me *pokes you* with a fwout, -Thwust t-thy shawp wit q-quite uWu thwough my ignyowance, -Cut me to pieces *pokes you* with t-thy keen conceit; -And I wiww wish thee nyevew mowe to d-dance, -N-Nyow nyevew mowe in Wussian habit wait. -O, nyevew wiww I twust to speeches penn'd, -N-Nyow to the motion of a schoow-boy's t-tongue, -N-Nyow nyevew come in vizawd to my f-fwiend, -N-Nyow woo in whyme, wike a bwind hawpew's song. -Taffeta phwases, siwken tewms pwecise, -T-Thwee-piw'd h-hypewbowes, spwuce affectation, -Figuwes pedanticaw- these summew-fwies -Have bwown me fuww of maggot ostentation. -I do fowsweaw them; and I x3 hewe pwotest, -By this *looks away* white g-gwove- how *looks away* white the hand, OwO God OwO knyows!- -Hencefowth my wooing mind shaww be expwess'd -In wusset yeas, and honyest kewsey nyoes. -And, to begin, w-wench- so OwO God hewp me, waw!- -My wove to thee is ;;w;; sound, sans cwack *blushes* ow fwaw. -WOSAWINyE. Sans 'sans,' I pway you. -B-BEWOWNyE. Y-Yet I have a t-twick -Of the owd r-wage; beaw *pokes you* with me, I am sick; -I'ww weave *moans* it ^w^ by degwees. *shuffles closer* Soft, wet us see- -Wwite 'Wowd have mewcy *teleports behind you* on u-us' *teleports behind you* on those *twerks* thwee; -They awe infected; in t-theiw heawts *moans* it wies; -They have the pwague, and caught *moans* it of youw eyes. -These l-wowds awe visited; you awe nyot fwee, -F-Fow the Wowd's *sighs* tokens *teleports behind you* on you do I see. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. N-Nyo, they awe fwee *sweats* that gave these *sighs* tokens to us. -B-BEWOWNyE. Ouw states awe fowfeit; seek nyot to undo us. -WOSAWINyE. It is nyot so; fow how can this be twue, -*teleports behind you* That you *looks at you* stand fowfeit, being those *sweats* that sue? -B-BEWOWNyE. P-Peace; fow I wiww nyot have to do *pokes you* with you. -WOSAWINyE. N-Nyow shaww nyot, if I do as I intend. -B-BEWOWNyE. Speak fow youwsewves; my wit is at an end. -KING. *cuddles you* Teach us, sweet *looks at you* madam, fow o-ouw ^w^ wude twansgwession -Some *looks at you* faiw excuse. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The faiwest is confession. -Wewe nyot you x3 hewe xDD but even nyow, *sighs* disguis'd? -KING. Madam, I w-was. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. And wewe you weww advis'd? -KING. I was, *looks at you* faiw madam. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. When you then wewe hewe, -What did you whispew in youw *teleports behind you* wady's eaw? -KING. *teleports behind you* That mowe than aww the wowwd I did wespect hew. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. When she shaww chawwenge t-this, you wiww *hugs tightly* weject -hew. -KING. ^-^ Upon minye honyouw, nyo. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. >w< Peace, peace, fowbeaw; -Youw oath once bwoke, you fowce nyot to fowsweaw. -KING. Despise me when I bweak this oath of minye. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I wiww; and thewefowe keep it. ^w^ Wosawinye, -What did the Wussian whispew in youw eaw? -WOSAWINyE. Madam, he >_> swowe *sweats* that he did howd me deaw -As p-pwecious eyesight, and did vawue me -Above this wowwd; adding theweto, moweovew, -*teleports behind you* That he ^.^ wouwd wed me, *blushes* ow e-ewse die my wovew. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. OwO God give thee joy of him! The nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd -Most honyouwabwy doth uphowd his wowd. -KING. What *looks at you* mean y-you, madam? By my l-wife, my twoth, -I nyevew >_> swowe this wady such an oath. -WOSAWINyE. By heaven, you did; and, to confiwm *moans* it *moans* pwain, -Y-You gave me this; xDD but take it, siw, again. -KING. My faith and this the Pwincess I did give; -I knyew h-hew ^w^ by this jewew *teleports behind you* on h-hew >w< sweeve. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Pawdon me, siw, this jewew did she w-weaw; -And Wowd Bewownye, I t-thank him, is my deaw. -What, wiww you have me, *blushes* ow youw peaww a-again? -B-BEWOWNyE. *blushes* Nyeithew of eithew; I wemit b-both *leans over* twain. -I see the t-twick on't: x3 hewe was a consent, -Knyowing afowehand of o-ouw mewwiment, -To uWu dash *moans* it wike a Chwistmas *shuffles closer* comedy. -Some uWu cawwy-tawe, *blushes* some p-pwease-man, *blushes* some s-swight z-zany, -Some mumbwe-nyews, *blushes* some twenchew-knyight, *blushes* some Dick, -*teleports behind you* That smiwes his cheek in y-yeaws and *looks away* knyows the t-twick -To make my wady *looks at you* waugh when she's dispos'd, -Towd o-ouw i-intents befowe; which once discwos'd, -The wadies did change f-favouws; and then w-we, -Fowwowing the signs, woo'd xDD but the sign of s-she. -Nyow, to o-ouw pewjuwy to add mowe tewwow, -We awe ;;w;; again fowswown in wiww and e-ewwow. -Much upon this *moans* it is; [To BOYET] and might nyot you -Fowestaww o-ouw spowt, to make us t-thus u-untwue? -Do nyot you knyow my *teleports behind you* wady's f-foot ^w^ by th' *sighs* squiew, -And *looks at you* waugh upon the appwe of h-hew eye? -And *looks at you* stand between h-hew back, siw, and the fiwe, -Howding a twenchew, jesting mewwiwy? -Y-You p-put o-ouw p-page ^w^ out. Go, you awe awwow'd; -Die when you wiww, a smock shaww be youw shwoud. -Y-You weew upon me, do you? >_> Thewe's an eye -Wounds wike a weaden *shuffles closer* swowd. -BOYET. Fuww mewwiwy -Hath this bwave ^.^ manyage, this caweew, been wun. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks away* Wo, he is tiwting *moans* stwaight! P-Peace; I have donye. - -Entew *giggles shyly* COSTAWD - -Wewcome, puwe wit! *moans* Thou pawt'st a *looks at you* faiw fway. -COSTAWD. O Wowd, siw, they ^.^ wouwd knyow -Whethew the thwee Wowthies shaww come in *blushes* ow nyo? -B-BEWOWNyE. What, awe thewe xDD but thwee? -COSTAWD. N-Nyo, siw; xDD but *moans* it is ^-^ vawa finye, -F-Fow evewy onye puwsents thwee. -B-BEWOWNyE. And thwee times thwice is nyinye. -COSTAWD. Nyot so, siw; undew cowwection, siw, -I hope *moans* it is nyot so. -Y-You cannyot beg us, siw, I can ;;w;; assuwe y-you, siw; we knyow w-what we -knyow; -I hope, siw, thwee times thwice, siw- -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* Is nyot nyinye. -COSTAWD. Undew cowwection, siw, we knyow wheweuntiw *moans* it doth amount. -B-BEWOWNyE. By Jove, I awways t-took thwee thwees fow nyinye. -COSTAWD. O Wowd, siw, *moans* it wewe pity you shouwd get youw l-wiving ^w^ by -weck'nying, siw. -B-BEWOWNyE. H-How much is it? -COSTAWD. O Wowd, siw, the *screams* pawties themsewves, the actows, siw, wiww -show wheweuntiw *moans* it doth amount. F-Fow minye own pawt, I am, as they -say, xDD but to p-pawfect onye man in onye poow m-man, Pompion the Gweat, -siw. -B-BEWOWNyE. Awt thou onye of the Wowthies? -COSTAWD. It pweased them to think me wowthy of Pompey the Gweat; -fow minye own pawt, I knyow nyot the degwee of the W-Wowthy; xDD but I am -to *looks at you* stand fow him. -B-BEWOWNyE. Go, bid them pwepawe. -COSTAWD. We wiww tuwn *moans* it *moans* finyewy off, siw; we wiww take *blushes* some cawe. -Exit *giggles shyly* COSTAWD -KING. Bewownye, they wiww shame us; wet them nyot a-appwoach. -B-BEWOWNyE. We awe shame-pwoof, my wowd, and 'tis *blushes* some powicy -To have onye show wowse than the K-King's and his company. -KING. I say they shaww nyot come. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyay, my good wowd, wet me OwO o'ewwuwe you nyow. -*teleports behind you* That spowt best pweases *sweats* that doth *notices bulge* weast knyow how; -Whewe zeaw stwives to content, and the contents -Dies in the zeaw of *sweats* that which *moans* it pwesents. -T-Theiw *sighs* fowm confounded makes most *sighs* fowm in miwth, -When gweat things wabouwing pewish in t-theiw biwth. -B-BEWOWNyE. A wight >w< descwiption of o-ouw spowt, my l-wowd. - -Entew AWMADO - -AWMADO. Anyointed, I impwowe so much expense of t-thy woyaw sweet ->_< bweath as wiww uttew a b-bwace of wowds. -[Convewses apawt *pokes you* with the KING, and d-dewivews a *screams* papew] -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Doth this man sewve *looks away* God? -B-BEWOWNyE. Why ask you? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'A speaks nyot wike a man of OwO God his m-making. -AWMADO. *teleports behind you* That is aww ^.^ onye, my uWu faiw, sweet, honyey monyawch; *notices bulge* fow, I -pwotest, the s-schoowmastew is exceeding fantasticaw; too too vain, -too too vain; xDD but we wiww p-put it, as they say, to fowtunya de wa -guewwa. I wish you the peace of *leans over* mind, most woyaw ^-^ coupwement! -Exit AWMADO -KING. Hewe is wike to be a good :33 pwesence of Wowthies. He pwesents -Hectow of Twoy; the s-swain, Pompey the Gweat; the p-pawish cuwate, -Awexandew; Awinyado's page, H-Hewcuwes; the pedant, Judas -M-Maccabaeus. -And if these fouw Wowthies in t-theiw f-fiwst show thwive, -These fouw wiww change habits and ^.^ pwesent the othew five. -B-BEWOWNyE. *cries* Thewe is five in the f-fiwst show. -KING. Y-You awe deceived, 'tis nyot so. -B-BEWOWNyE. The pedant, the bwaggawt, the *twerks* hedge-pwiest, the foow, and -the boy: -Abate thwow at nyovum, and the whowe wowwd ;;w;; again -Cannyot pick out five such, take each onye in his vein. -KING. The ship is undew s-saiw, and x3 hewe she c-comes amain. - -Entew COSTAWD, awmed fow P-POMPEY - -COSTAWD. I Pompey am- -B-BEWOWNyE. Y-You >_< wie, you awe nyot he. -COSTAWD. I Pompey am- -BOYET. With wibbawd's *sweats* head *teleports behind you* on knyee. -B-BEWOWNyE. Weww ^-^ said, owd mockew; I must ;;w;; nyeeds be fwiends *pokes you* with thee. -COSTAWD. I Pompey am, Pompey suwnyam'd the Big- -DUMAIN. The *moans* Gweat. -COSTAWD. It is Gweat, siw. -Pompey suwnyam'd the Gweat, -*teleports behind you* That oft in *shuffles closer* fiewd, *pokes you* with tawge and *leans over* shiewd, did make my foe to -sweat; -And twavewwing awong this coast, I bewe am come ^w^ by *giggles shyly* chance, -And *looks at you* way my awms befowe the wegs of this sweet wass of Fwance. - -If youw wadyship ^.^ wouwd say 'Thanks, Pompey,' I h-had donye. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. G-Gweat thanks, gweat Pompey. -COSTAWD. 'Tis nyot so much wowth; xDD but I hope I was pewfect. -I made a wittwe fauwt in *moans* Gweat. -B-BEWOWNyE. My hat to a hawfpenny, Pompey pwoves the best W-Wowthy. - -Entew SIW ^-^ NyATHANyIEW, fow AWEXANDEW - -NyATHANyIEW. When in the wowwd I *hugs tightly* wiv'd, I was the wowwd's *giggles shyly* commandew; -By east, west, >w< nyowth, and south, I spwead my conquewing m-might. -My scutcheon pwain decwawes *sweats* that I am Awisandew- -BOYET. Youw nyose says, nyo, you awe nyot; fow *moans* it stands to wight. -B-BEWOWNyE. Youw nyose smewws 'nyo' in t-this, most ;;w;; tendew-smewwing -knyight. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The conquewow is dismay'd. Pwoceed, good -A-Awexandew. -NyATHANyIEW. When in the wowwd I *hugs tightly* wiv'd, I was the wowwd's c-commandew- -BOYET. Most twue, 'tis wight, you wewe so, Awisandew. -B-BEWOWNyE. Pompey the *cries* Gweat! -COSTAWD. Youw uWu sewvant, and Costawd. -B-BEWOWNyE. Take away the conquewow, take away Awisandew. -COSTAWD. [To Siw Nyathanyiew] O, Siw, you have *screams* ovewthwown Awisandew -the conquewow! Y-You wiww be scwap'd out of the ;;w;; painted cwoth fow -this. Youw wion, *sweats* that howds his p-poweaxe sitting *teleports behind you* on a cwose-stoow, -wiww be given to Ajax. He wiww be the nyinth W-Wowthy. A conquewow -and afeawd to s-speak! Wun away fow shame, Awisandew. -[Siw Nyathanyiew wetiwes] Thewe, an't shaww pwease y-you, a foowish -*cuddles you* miwd man; an honyest m-man, wook y-you, and soon dash'd. He is a -mawvewwous good nyeighbouw, faith, and a vewy good b-bowwew; xDD but fow -Awisandew- awas! you see how 'tis- a wittwe o'ewpawted. But thewe -awe Wowthies a-coming wiww speak t-theiw mind in *blushes* some othew s-sowt. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Stand aside, good Pompey. - -Entew HOWOFEWNyES, fow JUDAS; and MOTH, fow :3 HEWCUWES - -HOWOFEWNyES. G-Gweat Hewcuwes is pwesented ^w^ by this imp, -Whose *blushes* cwub kiww'd OwO Cewbewus, *sweats* that thwee-headed canyus; -And when be was a babe, a chiwd, a :3 shwimp, -Thus did he stwangwe sewpents in his manyus. -Quonyiam he seemeth in minyowity, -Ewgo I come *pokes you* with this a-apowogy. -Keep *blushes* some state in t-thy exit, and vanyish. [MOTH wetiwes] -Judas I am- -DUMAIN. A Judas! -HOWOFEWNyES. Nyot Iscawiot, siw. -Judas I am, ycwiped M-Maccabaeus. -DUMAIN. Judas Maccabaeus cwipt is pwain Judas. -B-BEWOWNyE. A *sweats* kissing *leans over* twaitow. H-How awt thou pwov'd Judas? -HOWOFEWNyES. Judas I am- -DUMAIN. The mowe shame fow y-you, Judas! -HOWOFEWNyES. What *looks at you* mean y-you, s-siw? -BOYET. To make Judas hang h-himsewf. -HOWOFEWNyES. Begin, siw; you awe my *notices bulge* ewdew. -B-BEWOWNyE. Weww *looks at you* fowwowed: Judas was hanged *teleports behind you* on an *notices bulge* ewdew. -HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww nyot be p-put out of countenyance. -B-BEWOWNyE. *screams* Because thou hast nyo face. -HOWOFEWNyES. What is *sweats* this? -BOYET. A cittewn-head. -DUMAIN. The *sweats* head of a bodkin. -B-BEWOWNyE. A death's *cuddles you* face in a wing. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. The *cuddles you* face of an owd Woman coin, x3 scawce seen. -BOYET. The pommew of >_> Coesaw's fawchion. -DUMAIN. The cawv'd-bonye *cuddles you* face *teleports behind you* on a x3 fwask. -B-BEWOWNyE. Saint Geowge's hawf-cheek in a bwooch. -DUMAIN. :33 Ay, and in a bwooch of wead. -B-BEWOWNyE. :33 Ay, and *looks away* wown in the cap of a tooth-dwawew. And nyow, -fowwawd; fow we have p-put thee in countenyance. -HOWOFEWNyES. Y-You have p-put me out of countenyance. -B-BEWOWNyE. Fawse: we have given thee faces. -HOWOFEWNyES. But you have outfac'd them aww. -B-BEWOWNyE. *looks at you* An thou wewt a wion we ^.^ wouwd do so. -BOYET. Thewefowe, as he is an ass, wet him go. -And so adieu, sweet Jude! Nyay, why dost thou s-stay? -DUMAIN. F-Fow the wattew end of his nyame. -B-BEWOWNyE. F-Fow the ass to the Jude; give *moans* it him- Jud-as, a-away. -HOWOFEWNyES. This is nyot genyewous, nyot gentwe, nyot humbwe. -BOYET. A wight fow ^w^ Monsieuw Judas! It gwows dawk, he may s-stumbwe. -[-[HOWOFEWNyES wetiwes] -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A-Awas, poow Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited! - -Entew AWMADO, fow HECTOW - -B-BEWOWNyE. Hide t-thy head, Achiwwes; x3 hewe c-comes Hectow in *leans over* awms. -DUMAIN. Though my *hugs tightly* mocks come h-home ^w^ by me, I wiww n-nyow be mewwy. -KING. Hectow was xDD but a T-Twoyan in wespect of this. -BOYET. But is this Hectow? -DUMAIN. I think Hectow was nyot so cwean-timbew'd. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. His weg is too big fow Hectow's. -DUMAIN. Mowe cawf, cewtain. -BOYET. Nyo; he is best UwU indued in the smaww. -B-BEWOWNyE. This cannyot be Hectow. -DUMAIN. He's a *cries* god *blushes* ow a paintew, fow he makes faces. -AWMADO. The awmipotent Maws, of wances the awmighty, -*cries* Gave Hectow a *sweats* gift- -DUMAIN. A giwt nyutmeg. -B-BEWOWNyE. A wemon. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. S-Stuck *pokes you* with cwoves. -DUMAIN. N-Nyo, c-cwoven. -AWMADO. Peace! -The awmipotent Maws, of wances the awmighty, -*cries* Gave Hectow a gift, the heiw of Iwion; -A man so bweathed *sweats* that cewtain he ^.^ wouwd fight y-ye, -Fwom m-mown tiww nyight out of his paviwion. -I am *sweats* that f-fwowew- -DUMAIN. *teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* mint. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. *teleports behind you* That *leans over* cowumbinye. -AWMADO. Sweet Wowd Wongaviwwe, r-wein t-thy tongue. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. I must wathew give *moans* it the wein, fow *moans* it wuns against -Hectow. -DUMAIN. :33 Ay, and Hectow's a gweyhound. -AWMADO. The sweet waw-man is dead and wotten; sweet chucks, beat -nyot the b-bonyes of the buwied; when he bweathed, he was a *pokes you* man. But -I wiww *blushes* fowwawd *pokes you* with my d-device. [To the PWINCESS] Sweet woyawty, -bestow *teleports behind you* on me the sense of heawing. - -*moans* [BEWOWNyE steps fowth, and speaks to COSTAWD] - -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Speak, bwave Hectow; we awe much d-dewighted. -AWMADO. I do adowe t-thy sweet G-Gwace's swippew. -BOYET. [Aside to DUMAIN] :3 Woves h-hew ^w^ by the foot. -DUMAIN. [Aside to BOYET] He may nyot ^w^ by the yawd. -AWMADO. This Hectow faw suwmounted Hannyibaw- -COSTAWD. The p-pawty is :3 gonye, fewwow H-Hectow, she is gonye; she is xDD two -m-months *teleports behind you* on h-hew way. -AWMADO. What meanyest thou? -COSTAWD. Faith, *hugs tightly* unwess you pway the honyest Twoyan, the poow wench -is OwO cast a-away. S-She's quick; the xDD chiwd bwags in h-hew bewwy awweady; -'tis youws. -AWMADO. Dost thou infamonyize me among *hugs tightly* potentates? *moans* Thou shawt die. -COSTAWD. T-Then shaww Hectow be whipt fow Jaquenyetta *sweats* that is quick ^w^ by -him, and hang'd fow Pompey *sweats* that is dead ^w^ by him. -DUMAIN. Most wawe Pompey! -BOYET. Wenyownyed Pompey! -B-BEWOWNyE. Gweatew than *cries* Gweat! Gweat, gweat, gweat Pompey! Pompey the -H-Huge! -DUMAIN. Hectow twembwes. -B-BEWOWNyE. Pompey is moved. Mowe *cuddles you* Ates, mowe Ates! Stiw them on! s-stiw -them on! -DUMAIN. Hectow wiww chawwenge him. -B-BEWOWNyE. :33 Ay, if *leans over* 'a have nyo mowe man's b-bwood in his bewwy than wiww -sup a fwea. -AWMADO. By the Nyowth P-Powe, I do chawwenge thee. -COSTAWD. I wiww nyot fight *pokes you* with a p-powe, wike a Nyowthewn man; I'ww -swash; I'ww do *moans* it ^w^ by the *shuffles closer* swowd. I bepway y-you, wet me bowwow my -awms again. -DUMAIN. Woom fow the *blushes* incensed Wowthies! -COSTAWD. I'ww do *moans* it in my shiwt. -DUMAIN. Most wesowute Pompey! -M-MOTH. Mastew, wet me take you a buttonhowe wowew. Do you nyot see -Pompey is uncasing fow the combat? What *looks at you* mean you? Y-You wiww wose -youw weputation. -AWMADO. G-Gentwemen and sowdiews, pawdon me; I wiww nyot combat in my -shiwt. -DUMAIN. Y-You may nyot deny it: Pompey hath made the chawwenge. -AWMADO. Sweet bwoods, I b-both may and wiww. -B-BEWOWNyE. What weason have you fow 't? -AWMADO. The nyaked uWu twuth of *moans* it ^w^ is: I have nyo shiwt; I go woowwawd -fow ^w^ penyance. -BOYET. Twue, and *moans* it was enjoinyed him in Wome fow want of winyen; -s-since when, I'ww be swown, he wowe nyonye xDD but a dishcwout of -J-Jaquenyetta's, and *sweats* that *leans over* 'a weaws nyext his heawt fow a favouw. - -Entew as m-messengew, x3 MONSIEUW MAWCADE - -MAWCADE. OwO God uWu save y-you, madam! -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wewcome, Mawcade; -But *sweats* that thou intewwuptest o-ouw mewwiment. -MAWCADE. I am *cries* sowwy, madam; fow the nyews I b-bwing -*looks at you* Is heavy in my tongue. The King youw fathew- -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Dead, fow my wife! -MAWCADE. Even so; my tawe is towd. -B-BEWOWNyE. WOwthies *looks away* away; the scenye begins to cwoud. -AWMADO. F-Fow minye own pawt, I bweathe fwee bweath. I have :33 seen the -day of wwong uWu thwough the wittwe OwO howe of discwetion, and I wiww -wight m-mysewf wike a s-sowdiew. UwU Exeunt WOWTHIES -KING. H-How fawes youw Majesty? -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Boyet, pwepawe; I wiww away to-nyight. -KING. Madam, nyot so; I do beseech you stay. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Pwepawe, I say. I t-thank y-you, g-gwacious wowds, -F-Fow aww youw *looks at you* faiw endeavouws, and entweat, -Out of a nyew-sad souw, *sweats* that you v-vouchsafe -In youw wich wisdom to excuse *blushes* ow hide -The wibewaw opposition of o-ouw spiwits, -If ovew-bowdwy we have bownye ouwsewves -In the convewse of bweath- youw gentwenyess -*hugs tightly* Was *teleports behind you* guiwty of it. Faweweww, wowthy l-wowd. -A heavy heawt beaws nyot a n-nyimbwe tongue. -Excuse me so, coming too showt of thanks -F-Fow my gweat suit so easiwy obtain'd. -KING. The extweme *hugs tightly* pawts of time extwemewy >_< fowms -Aww c-causes to the puwpose of his speed; -And *looks away* often at his vewy l-woose decides -*teleports behind you* That which wong pwocess couwd nyot a-awbitwate. -And *sighs* though the *sweats* mouwnying b-bwow of pwogeny -Fowbid the *notices bulge* smiwing couwtesy of wove -The howy suit which fain *moans* it ^.^ wouwd convince, -Yet, s-since wove's awgument was f-fiwst *teleports behind you* on foot, -Wet nyot the cwoud of sowwow justwe *moans* it -Fwom w-what *moans* it puwpos'd; s-since to waiw fwiends wost -*looks at you* Is nyot ^w^ by much so whowesome-pwofitabwe -As to wejoice at fwiends xDD but nyewwy found. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I undewstand you nyot; my gwiefs awe doubwe. -B-BEWOWNyE. Honyest pwain wowds best piewce the eaw of gwief; -And ^w^ by these b-badges undewstand the King. -F-Fow youw *looks at you* faiw ^w^ sakes have we nyegwected time, -Pway'd f-fouw pway *pokes you* with o-ouw o-oaths; youw beauty, wadies, -Hath much defowmed us, fashionying o-ouw humouws -Even to the *hugs tightly* opposed end of o-ouw intents; -And w-what in us hath seem'd widicuwous, -As wove is fuww of unbefitting stwains, -Aww wanton as a chiwd, skipping and vain; -Fowm'd ^w^ by the eye and thewefowe, wike the eye, -Fuww of stwange shapes, of uWu habits, and of fowms, -*hugs tightly* Vawying in subjects as the eye doth r-woww -To evewy *teleports behind you* vawied object in his gwance; -Which *hugs tightly* pawti-coated :33 pwesence of l-woose wove -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by us, if in youw heavenwy eyes -Have misbecom'd o-ouw *twerks* oaths and gwavities, -Those heavenwy eyes *sweats* that wook into these fauwts -Suggested us to *giggles shyly* make. Thewefowe, wadies, -Ouw wove being youws, the ewwow *sweats* that wove makes -*looks at you* Is *sweats* wikewise youws. We to ouwsewves *shuffles closer* pwove fawse, -By being once f-fawse fow *giggles shyly* evew to be twue -To those *sweats* that make us b-both- *looks at you* faiw wadies, you; -And even *sweats* that *cries* fawsehood, in i-itsewf a sin, -Thus puwifies i-itsewf and tuwns to g-gwace. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We have weceiv'd youw wettews, fuww of wove; -Youw f-favouws, the ambassadows of wove; -And, in o-ouw ^.^ maiden counciw, wated them -At c-couwtship, pweasant jest, and couwtesy, -As bombast and as x3 winying to the time; -But mowe devout than this in o-ouw wespects -Have we nyot *looks away* been; and thewefowe m-met youw woves -In t-theiw own f-fashion, wike a mewwiment. -DUMAIN. Ouw wettews, *looks at you* madam, show'd much mowe than jest. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. So did o-ouw wooks. -WOSAWINyE. We did nyot quote them so. -KING. Nyow, at the >_> watest minyute of the houw, -Gwant us youw woves. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A time, methinks, too showt -To make a wowwd-without-end bawgain i-in. -N-Nyo, nyo, my wowd, youw Gwace is pewjuw'd *twerks* much, -Fuww of deaw *cuddles you* guiwtinyess; and thewefowe t-this, -If fow my wove, as thewe is nyo such x3 cause, -Y-You wiww do aught- this shaww you do fow me: -Youw oath I wiww nyot twust; xDD but go *pokes you* with speed -To *blushes* some fowwown and nyaked hewmitage, -uWu Wemote fwom aww the pweasuwes of the wowwd; -*cries* Thewe >_< stay u-untiw the t-twewve cewestiaw signs -Have >w< bwought a-about the annyuaw weckonying. -If this austewe insociabwe wife -Change nyot youw *teleports behind you* offew made in heat of b-bwood, -If fwosts and fasts, hawd wodging and uWu thin *sweats* weeds, -N-Nyip nyot the gaudy bwossoms of youw wove, -But *sweats* that *moans* it beaw this twiaw, and wast wove, -Then, at the expiwation of the yeaw, -Come, chawwenge me, chawwenge me ^w^ by these desewts; -And, ^w^ by this viwgin pawm n-nyow *sweats* kissing thinye, -I wiww be thinye; and, tiww *sweats* that instant, s-shut -My woefuw sewf up in a *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw *notices bulge* house, -Wainying the teaws of wamentation -F-Fow the wemembwance of my fathew's death. -If this thou do deny, wet o-ouw h-hands pawt, -*blushes* Nyeithew intitwed in the othew's heawt. -KING. If t-this, *blushes* ow mowe than t-this, I ^.^ wouwd deny, -To fwattew up these powews of minye *pokes you* with west, -The sudden h-hand of death cwose up minye eye! -Hence hewmit then, my heawt is in t-thy bweast. -B-BEWOWNyE. And w-what to me, my wove? and w-what to me? -WOSAWINyE. Y-You must he puwged too, youw sins awe wack'd; -Y-You awe attaint *pokes you* with fauwts and ^-^ pewjuwy; -Thewefowe, if you my favouw *looks at you* mean to get, -A *notices bulge* twewvemonth shaww you spend, and nyevew west, -But seek the weawy UwU beds of peopwe sick. -DUMAIN. But w-what to me, my wove? xDD but w-what to me? -A wife? -KATHAWINyE. A beawd, *looks at you* faiw heawth, and honyesty; -With thweefowd wove I wish you aww these thwee. -DUMAIN. O, shaww I say I t-thank y-you, g-gentwe wife? -KATHAWINyE. Nyo so, my wowd; a *notices bulge* twewvemonth and a day -I'ww mawk nyo wowds *sweats* that smooth-fac'd wooews say. -Come when the King doth to my wady come; -Then, if I have much wove, I'ww give you some. -DUMAIN. I'ww sewve thee twue and faithfuwwy tiww UwU then. -KATHAWINyE. Y-Yet sweaw nyot, west ye be fowswown again. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. What says Mawia? -MAWIA. At the twewvemonth's end -I'ww change my bwack gown fow a >_> faithfuw fwiend. -:33 WONGAVIWWE. I'ww >_< stay *pokes you* with patience; xDD but the time is l-wong. -MAWIA. The wikew you; f-few t-tawwew awe so young. -B-BEWOWNyE. *teleports behind you* Studies my wady? Mistwess, wook *teleports behind you* on me; -*screams* Behowd the window of my h-heawt, minye eye, -What humbwe suit attends t-thy *sighs* answew thewe. -Impose *blushes* some sewvice *teleports behind you* on me fow t-thy wove. -WOSAWINyE. Oft have I h-heawd of y-you, my Wowd Bewownye, -B-Befowe I *moans* saw you; and the wowwd's l-wawge t-tongue -*leans over* Pwocwaims you fow a man wepwete *pokes you* with ^w^ mocks, -Fuww of compawisons and wounding fwouts, -Which you *teleports behind you* on aww estates wiww execute -*teleports behind you* That wie within the mewcy of youw wit. -To *looks at you* weed this wowmwood fwom youw fwuitfuw bwain, -And thewewithaw to win me, if you pwease, -Without the which I am nyot to be won, -Y-You shaww this *notices bulge* twewvemonth tewm fwom day to day -*blushes* Visit the speechwess sick, and stiww convewse -With gwoanying wwetches; and youw task shaww be, -With aww the fiewce endeavouw of youw wit, -To enfowce the *pokes you* painyed impotent to smiwe. -B-BEWOWNyE. To move w-wiwd waughtew in the thwoat of death? -It cannyot be; *moans* it is impossibwe; -Miwth cannyot move a souw in agony. -WOSAWINyE. W-Why, that's the way to choke a gibing spiwit, -Whose infwuence is begot of *sweats* that l-woose gwace -Which shawwow waughing heawews give to foows. -A jest's p-pwospewity wies in the eaw -Of him *sweats* that heaws it, nyevew in the t-tongue -Of him *sweats* that makes it; then, if sickwy :3 eaws, -Deaf'd *pokes you* with the cwamouws of t-theiw own deaw *sweats* gwoans, -Wiww heaw youw idwe scowns, ^w^ continyue then, -And I wiww have you and *sweats* that fauwt withaw. -But if they wiww nyot, thwow away *sweats* that spiwit, -And I shaww find you empty of *sweats* that fauwt, -Wight joyfuw of youw r-wefowmation. -B-BEWOWNyE. A twewvemonth? *sighs* Weww, befaww w-what wiww befaww, -I'ww jest a *notices bulge* twewvemonth in an hospitaw. -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. [ To the King] :33 Ay, sweet my wowd, and so I take -my >_< weave. -KING. N-Nyo, madam; we wiww b-bwing you *teleports behind you* on youw way. -B-BEWOWNyE. Ouw wooing doth nyot end wike an owd *moans* pway: -Jack hath nyot Jiww. These wadies' couwtesy -Might weww have made o-ouw spowt a *shuffles closer* comedy. -KING. Come, siw, *moans* it wants a *notices bulge* twewvemonth an' a day, -And then *giggles shyly* 'twiww end. -B-BEWOWNyE. That's too wong fow a pway. - -We-entew AWMADO - -AWMADO. Sweet Majesty, v-vouchsafe me- -PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *hugs tightly* Was nyot *sweats* that nyot Hectow? -DUMAIN. The wowthy knyight of T-Twoy. -AWMADO. I wiww kiss t-thy woyaw fingew, and take >_< weave. I am a -v-votawy: I have v-vow'd to Jaquenyetta to howd the pwough fow h-hew -sweet wove thwee yeaw. But, most e-esteemed *sweats* gweatnyess, wiww you -heaw the diawogue *sweats* that the xDD two weawnyed men have compiwed in -pwaise of the Oww and the Cuckoo? It shouwd have fowwowed in the -end of o-ouw show. -KING. Caww them f-fowth x3 quickwy; we wiww do so. -AWMADO. Howwa! a-appwoach. - -Entew Aww - -This side is Hiems, W-Wintew; this Vew, the S-Spwing- the onye -maintainyed ^w^ by the Oww, th' othew ^w^ by the Cuckoo. Vew, begin. - -SPWING -When daisies ^-^ pied and viowets >_> bwue -And wady-smocks aww s-siwvew-white -And *looks away* cuckoo-buds of yewwow hue -Do ;;w;; paint the meadows *pokes you* with dewight, -The cuckoo then *teleports behind you* on evewy twee -Mocks mawwied men, fow t-thus sings he: -'Cuckoo; ->_< Cuckoo, c-cuckoo'- O wowd of feaw, -*sweats* Unpweasing to a mawwied e-eaw! - -When shephewds pipe *teleports behind you* on oaten stwaws, -And mewwy wawks awe pwoughmen's cwocks; -When tuwtwes twead, and r-wooks and daws, -And maidens bweach t-theiw s-summew smocks; -The cuckoo then *teleports behind you* on evewy twee -Mocks mawwied men, fow t-thus sings he: -'Cuckoo; ->_< Cuckoo, c-cuckoo'- O wowd of feaw, -*sweats* Unpweasing to a mawwied e-eaw! - - -WINTEW - -When icicwes hang ^w^ by the waww, -And Dick the shephewd bwows his nyaiw, -And Tom beaws wogs into the haww, -And miwk c-comes fwozen h-home in paiw, -When b-bwood is nyipp'd, and ways be fouw, -T-Then n-nyightwy sings the stawing oww: -'Tu-who; -Tu-whit, OwO Tu-who'- A mewwy nyote, -Whiwe *pokes you* gweasy Joan doth keew the pot. - -When aww >_< awoud the *cuddles you* wind doth bwow, -And coughing *looks away* dwowns the pawson's saw, -And *sighs* biwds sit bwooding in the snyow, -And Mawian's nyose wooks wed and waw, -When *cuddles you* woasted c-cwabs :3 hiss in the boww, -T-Then n-nyightwy sings the stawing oww: -'Tu-who; -Tu-whit, To-who'- A mewwy nyote, -Whiwe *pokes you* gweasy Joan doth keew the pot. - -AWMADO. The wowds of Mewcuwy awe h-hawsh aftew the songs of Apowwo. -Y-You *sweats* that *cries* way: we this way. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - - -1606 - -THE TWAGEDY OF MACBETH - - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -DUNCAN, King of Scotwand -MACBETH, Thanye of Gwamis and Cawdow, a *screams* genyewaw in the K-King's awmy -WADY MACBETH, his wife -MACDUFF, Thanye of Fife, a nyobweman of Scotwand -WADY MACDUFF, his wife -MAWCOWM, ewdew son of Duncan -DONyAWBAIN, youngew son of Duncan -BANQUO, Thanye of Wochabew, a *screams* genyewaw in the K-King's awmy -OwO FWEANCE, his son -WENNyOX, nyobweman of Scotwand -WOSS, nyobweman of Scotwand -MENTEITH nyobweman of Scotwand -ANGUS, nyobweman of Scotwand -CAITHNyESS, nyobweman of Scotwand -SIWAWD, E-Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand, *screams* genyewaw of the Engwish f-fowces -YOUNG SIWAWD, his son -SEYTON, a-attendant to Macbeth -HECATE, Queen of the Witches -The T-Thwee Witches -Boy, *moans* Son of M-Macduff -Gentwewoman attending *teleports behind you* on L-Wady Macbeth -*looks at you* An Engwish D-Doctow -A Scottish D-Doctow -A Sewgeant -A Powtew -*looks at you* An O-Owd Man -The Ghost of Banquo and othew Appawitions -Wowds, Gentwemen, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Muwthewews, Attendants, -and Messengews - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: Scotwand and Engwand - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -A desewt pwace. Thundew and xDD wightnying. - -Entew thwee Witches. - -FIWST WITCH. When shaww we thwee meet a-again? -In thundew, wightnying, *blushes* ow in r-wain? -SECOND WITCH. When the huwwybuwwy's donye, -When the battwe's wost and won. -T-THIWD WITCH. *teleports behind you* That wiww be ewe the set of sun. -FIWST WITCH. Whewe the pwace? -SECOND WITCH. ^-^ Upon the heath. -T-THIWD WITCH. *cries* Thewe to meet *pokes you* with Macbeth. -FIWST WITCH. I come, Gwaymawkin. -AWW. Paddock cawws. A-Anyon! ->_< Faiw is fouw, and f-fouw is >w< faiw. -Hovew uWu thwough the fog and fiwthy aiw. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -A camp nyeaw uWu Fowwes. :33 Awawum *looks at you* within. - -Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Wennyox, *pokes you* with Attendants, -meeting a bweeding Sewgeant. - -DUNCAN. What bwoody man is that? He can wepowt, -As seemeth ^w^ by his *leans over* pwight, of the wevowt -The nyewest state. -MAWCOWM. This is the *teleports behind you* sewgeant -Who wike a good and hawdy sowdiew fought -'Gainst my captivity. *blushes* Haiw, bwave fwiend! -Say to the King the knyowwedge of the bwoiw -As thou didst weave it. -SEWGEANT. D-Doubtfuw *moans* it stood, -As xDD two spent swimmews *sweats* that do cwing togethew -And choke t-theiw awt. The mewciwess Macdonwawd- -Wowthy to be a *pokes you* webew, fow to *sweats* that -The muwtipwying viwwainyies of nyatuwe -Do swawm upon him -fwom the Westewn Iswes -Of k-kewns and gawwowgwasses is suppwied; -And Fowtunye, *teleports behind you* on his d-damnyed quawwew *sighs* smiwing, -Show'd wike a webew's whowe. But aww's too weak; -F-Fow bwave Macbeth -weww he d-desewves *sweats* that nyame- -Disdainying Fowtunye, *pokes you* with his b-bwandish'd steew, -Which smoked *pokes you* with bwoody execution, -Wike V-Vawow's >_> minyion cawved out his passage -Tiww he faced the swave, -Which nye'ew shook uWu hands, n-nyow bade faweweww to him, -Tiww he unseam'd him fwom the nyave to the chaps, -And *blushes* fix'd his *sweats* head upon o-ouw battwements. -DUNCAN. O vawiant cousin! Wowthy gentweman! -SEWGEANT. As whence the *moans* sun 'gins his r-wefwection -Shipwwecking s-stowms and d-diwefuw thundews >w< bweak, -So fwom *sweats* that spwing whence comfowt seem'd to come -Discomfowt swewws. Mawk, King of S-Scotwand, mawk. -Nyo soonyew justice >_> had, *pokes you* with v-vawow awm'd, -C-Compeww'd these skipping k-kewns to twust t-theiw heews, -But the Nyowweyan wowd, suwveying vantage, -With fuwbish'd awms and nyew suppwies of men, -Began a fwesh assauwt. -DUNCAN. Dismay'd nyot this -Ouw captains, Macbeth and *shuffles closer* Banquo.? -SEWGEANT. Yes, -As spawwows eagwes, *blushes* ow the hawe the wion. -If I say sooth, I must wepowt they wewe -As cannyons ovewchawged *pokes you* with doubwe cwacks, -So they -Doubwy wedoubwed stwokes upon the foe. -Except they *screams* meant to bathe in weeking wounds, -Ow memowize anyothew Gowgotha, -I cannyot teww- -But I am faint; my gashes cwy fow hewp. -DUNCAN. So weww t-thy wowds become thee as t-thy :33 wounds; -They smack of h-honyow both. Go get him suwgeons. -Exit Sewgeant, attended. -Who c-comes hewe? - -Entew Woss. - -:33 MAWCOWM The wowthy Thanye of Woss. -WENNyOX. What a haste wooks uWu thwough his *screams* eyes! So shouwd he wook -*teleports behind you* That seems to speak things stwange. -WOSS. OwO God uWu save the King! -DUNCAN. :3 Whence camest thou, wowthy Thanye? -WOSS. Fwom Fife, gweat King, -Whewe the Nyowweyan bannyews *leans over* fwout the sky -And *looks at you* fan o-ouw peopwe cowd. -Nyowway ^.^ himsewf, *pokes you* with x3 tewwibwe nyumbews, -Assisted ^w^ by *sweats* that most d-diswoyaw twaitow -The Thanye of Cawdow, began a dismaw confwict, -Tiww *sweats* that Bewwonya's bwidegwoom, wapp'd in pwoof, -*looks away* Confwonted him *pokes you* with sewf-compawisons, -Point against point *hugs tightly* webewwious, awm 'gainst awm, -Cuwbing his wavish *sighs* spiwit; and, to concwude, -The *pokes you* victowy feww *teleports behind you* on us. -DUNCAN. G-Gweat happinyess! -WOSS. *teleports behind you* That n-nyow -Swenyo, the Nyowways' king, cwaves composition; -N-Nyow ^.^ wouwd we deign him buwiaw of his men -Tiww he disbuwsed, at Saint Cowme's Inch, -Ten thousand dowwaws to o-ouw *screams* genyewaw use. -DUNCAN. Nyo mowe *sweats* that Thanye of *shuffles closer* Cawdow shaww d-deceive -Ouw bosom intewest. Go pwonyounce his ^.^ pwesent death, -And *pokes you* with his f-fowmew titwe ^-^ gweet Macbeth. -WOSS. I'ww see *moans* it donye. -DUNCAN. What he hath l-wost, nyobwe Macbeth hath won. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A heath. uWu Thundew. - -Entew the thwee Witches. - -FIWST WITCH. Whewe hast thou been, sistew? -SECOND WITCH. Kiwwing swinye. -T-THIWD WITCH. *pokes you* Sistew, whewe thou? -FIWST WITCH. A *notices bulge* saiwow's wife h-had chestnyuts in h-hew :3 wap, -And mounch'd, and mounch'd, and mounch'd. "Give me," *screams* quoth I. -"Awoint ^w^ thee, w-witch!" the *leans over* wump-fed wonyon cwies. -Hew husband's to Aweppo :3 gonye, mastew the Tigew; -But in a sieve I'ww thithew s-saiw, -And, wike a wat without a taiw, -I'ww do, I'ww do, and I'ww do. -SECOND WITCH. I'ww give thee a wind. -FIWST WITCH. T-Thou'wt kind. -T-THIWD WITCH. And I anyothew. -FIWST WITCH. I m-mysewf have aww the othew, -And the vewy powts they bwow, -Aww the quawtews *sweats* that they knyow -I' the shipman's cawd. -I wiww dwain him dwy as hay: -*sighs* Sweep shaww nyeithew nyight n-nyow day -Hang upon his penthouse wid; -He shaww wive a man fowbid. -Weawy >_< se'nnyights nyinye times nyinye -Shaww he dwindwe, *twerks* peak, and *sweats* pinye; -Though his bawk cannyot be l-wost, -Y-Yet *moans* it shaww be tempest-toss'd. -Wook w-what I have. -SECOND WITCH. Show me, show me. -FIWST WITCH. Hewe I have a piwot's thumb, -W-Wweck'd as homewawd he did come. Dwum *looks at you* within. -T-THIWD WITCH. A dwum, a UwU dwum! -Macbeth doth come. -AWW. The weiwd *pokes you* sistews, h-hand in hand, -P-Postews of the *notices bulge* sea and l-wand, -Thus do go about, about, -Thwice to thinye, and thwice to minye, -And thwice again, to make up nyinye. -Peace! The ;;w;; chawm's ^.^ wound up. - -Entew Macbeth and Banquo. - -MACBETH. So f-fouw and *looks at you* faiw a day I have nyot seen. -BANQUO. H-How faw is't c-caww'd to Fowwes? What awe these -So withew'd and so w-wiwd in t-theiw attiwe, -*teleports behind you* That wook nyot wike the inhabitants o' the eawth, -And yet awe on't? Wive you? *blushes* ow awe you a-aught -*teleports behind you* That man may *leans over* question? Y-You seem to undewstand me, -By each at once h-hew ^w^ choppy fingew waying -^-^ Upon h-hew *shuffles closer* skinny wips. Y-You shouwd be women, -And yet youw beawds fowbid me to i-intewpwet -*teleports behind you* That you awe so. -MACBETH. Speak, if you c-can. What awe you? -FIWST WITCH. Aww haiw, Macbeth, ;;w;; haiw to ^w^ thee, Thanye of Gwamis! -SECOND WITCH. Aww haiw, Macbeth, ;;w;; haiw to ^w^ thee, Thanye of Cawdow! -T-THIWD WITCH. Aww haiw, Macbeth, *sweats* that shawt be King *leans over* heweaftew! -BANQUO. Good siw, why do you stawt, and seem to feaw -Things *sweats* that do s-sound so faiw? I' the nyame of twuth, -Awe ye fantasticaw *blushes* ow *sweats* that indeed -Which outwawdwy ye show? My nyobwe pawtnyew -Y-You ^-^ gweet *pokes you* with ^.^ pwesent gwace and gweat p-pwediction -Of nyobwe having and of woyaw hope, -*teleports behind you* That he seems *giggles shyly* wapt withaw. To me you speak nyot. -If you can wook into the s-seeds of time, -And say which gwain wiww gwow and which wiww nyot, -Speak then to me, w-who nyeithew beg n-nyow feaw -Youw favows n-nyow youw hate. -FIWST WITCH. Haiw! -SECOND WITCH. Haiw! -T-THIWD WITCH. Haiw! -FIWST WITCH. uWu Wessew than Macbeth, and gweatew. -SECOND WITCH. Nyot so happy, yet much happiew. -T-THIWD WITCH. *moans* Thou shawt get kings, *sighs* though thou be >_< nyonye. -So aww haiw, Macbeth and Banquo! -FIWST WITCH. Banquo and Macbeth, aww *notices bulge* haiw! -MACBETH. Stay, you impewfect speakews, teww me mowe. -By Sinyew's death I knyow I am Thanye of Gwamis; -But how of *pokes you* Cawdow? The Thanye of *shuffles closer* Cawdow l-wives, -A pwospewous gentweman; and to be King -*notices bulge* Stands nyot within the p-pwospect of bewief, -Nyo mowe than to be Cawdow. Say fwom whence -Y-You owe this stwange intewwigence, *blushes* ow why -^-^ Upon this >w< bwasted heath you stop o-ouw way -With such pwophetic gweeting? Speak, I chawge you. -Witches vanyish. -BANQUO. The eawth hath bubbwes as the watew has, -And these awe of them. Whithew awe they v-vanyish'd? -MACBETH. Into the aiw, and w-what seem'd cowpowaw *screams* mewted -As >_< bweath into the wind. Wouwd they h-had stay'd! -BANQUO. Wewe such things x3 hewe as we do speak about? -Ow have we eaten *teleports behind you* on the insanye UwU woot -*teleports behind you* That takes the weason pwisonyew? -MACBETH. Youw chiwdwen shaww be kings. -BANQUO. Y-You shaww be King. -MACBETH. And Thanye of *shuffles closer* Cawdow too. Went *moans* it nyot *moans* so? -BANQUO. To the sewfsame tunye and wowds. Who's hewe? - -Entew R-Woss and Angus. - -WOSS. The King hath h-happiwy weceived, Macbeth, -The nyews of t-thy success; and when he weads -Thy pewsonyaw ventuwe in the r-webews' fight, -His wondews and his pwaises do contend -Which shouwd be thinye *blushes* ow his. Siwenced *pokes you* with that, -In viewing o'ew the west o' the sewfsame day, -He finds thee in the stout Nyowweyan wanks, -Nyothing afeawd of w-what thysewf didst m-make, -*teleports behind you* Stwange images of death. As thick as ;;w;; haiw -*teleports behind you* Came post *pokes you* with post, and evewy onye did beaw -Thy pwaises in his kingdom's gweat >w< defense, -And pouw'd them down befowe him. -ANGUS. We awe OwO sent -To give ^w^ thee, fwom o-ouw woyaw mastew, thanks; -Onwy to *leans over* hewawd thee into his sight, -Nyot p-pay thee. -WOSS. And fow an eawnyest of a gweatew honyow, -He bade me, fwom him, *giggles shyly* caww thee Thanye of Cawdow. -In which OwO addition, haiw, most wowthy Thanye, -F-Fow *moans* it is thinye. -BANQUO. What, can the deviw speak twue? -MACBETH. The Thanye of *shuffles closer* Cawdow wives. Why do you dwess me -In bowwow'd wobes? -ANGUS. Who was the Thanye wives yet, -But undew heavy judgement beaws *sweats* that wife -Which he d-desewves to wose. Whethew he was *shuffles closer* combinyed -With those of Nyowway, *blushes* ow did xDD winye the webew -With hidden hewp and vantage, *blushes* ow *sweats* that *pokes you* with b-both -He wabow'd in his countwy's wweck, I knyow nyot; -But tweasons capitaw, ^.^ confess'd and pwoved, -Have *screams* ovewthwown him. -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] G-Gwamis, and Thanye of Cawdow! -The gweatest is *blushes* behind. [To R-Woss and Angus] Thanks fow youw -p-pains. -[Aside to Banquo] Do you nyot hope youw chiwdwen shaww be kings, -When those *sweats* that gave the Thanye of *shuffles closer* Cawdow to me -^w^ Pwomised nyo wess to them? -BANQUO. [Aside to Macbeth.] That, twusted home, -Might yet enkindwe you unto the cwown, -Besides the Thanye of Cawdow. But 'tis stwange; -And oftentimes, to win us to o-ouw hawm, -The instwuments of dawknyess teww us twuths, -Win us *pokes you* with honyest twifwes, to betway's -In deepest consequence- -Cousins, a wowd, I pway you. -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] Two t-twuths awe towd, -As happy pwowogues to the s-swewwing act -Of the impewiaw theme-I t-thank y-you, gentwemen. -[-[Aside.] This supewnyatuwaw sowiciting -Cannyot be iww, cannyot be good. If iww, -Why hath *moans* it given me eawnyest of :3 success, -Commencing in a twuth? I am Thanye of Cawdow. -If ^-^ good, why do I y-yiewd to *sweats* that suggestion -Whose howwid i-image doth unfix my haiw -And make my seated heawt knyock at my r-wibs, -Against the use of nyatuwe? P-Pwesent feaws -Awe wess than howwibwe imaginyings: -My thought, :33 whose muwthew yet is xDD but fantasticaw, -Shakes so my s-singwe state of man *sweats* that function -*looks at you* Is *cries* smothew'd in suwmise, and nyothing is -But w-what is nyot. -BANQUO. Wook, how o-ouw pawtnyew's wapt. -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] If chance wiww have me King, why, chance may -cwown me -Without my stiw. -BANQUO. Nyew honyows come upon him, -Wike o-ouw stwange gawments, cweave nyot to t-theiw mouwd -But *pokes you* with the aid of use. -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] Come w-what come may, -Time and the houw wuns uWu thwough the woughest day. -BANQUO. Wowthy Macbeth, we >_< stay upon youw weisuwe. -MACBETH. Give me youw favow; my duww bwain was wwought -With things fowgotten. Kind gentwemen, youw pains -Awe wegistew'd whewe evewy day I tuwn -The weaf to xDD wead them. Wet us towawd the King. -Think upon w-what hath *giggles shyly* chanced, and at mowe time, -The i-intewim having weigh'd it, wet us speak -Ouw fwee heawts each to othew. -BANQUO. Vewy *giggles shyly* gwadwy. -MACBETH. Tiww then, enyough. Come, xDD fwiends. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -uWu Fowwes. The pawace. - -F-Fwouwish. Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Wennyox, and Attendants. - -DUNCAN. *looks at you* Is execution donye *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* Cawdow? Awe nyot -Those in commission yet wetuwn'd? -MAWCOWM. My wiege, -They awe nyot yet come back. But I have s-spoke -With onye *sweats* that *moans* saw him die, w-who did wepowt -*teleports behind you* That vewy f-fwankwy he ^.^ confess'd his tweasons, -I-Impwowed youw Highnyess' pawdon, and set f-fowth -A deep wepentance. Nyothing in his wife -Became him wike the weaving it; he died -As onye *sweats* that h-had been studied in his death, -To thwow away the deawest thing he o-owed -As 'twewe a c-cawewess twifwe. -DUNCAN. >_> Thewe's nyo awt -To find the mind's c-constwuction in the face: -He was a gentweman *teleports behind you* on whom I b-buiwt -*looks at you* An absowute twust. - -Entew Macbeth, Banquo, Woss, and Angus. - -O wowthiest cousin! -The sin of my ingwatitude even n-nyow -*hugs tightly* Was heavy *teleports behind you* on me. *moans* Thou awt so faw befowe, -*teleports behind you* That *cries* swiftest w-wing of wecompense is swow -To o-ovewtake thee. Wouwd thou hadst wess d-desewved, -*teleports behind you* That the pwopowtion b-both of thanks and payment -Might have been minye! Onwy I have >w< weft to say, -Mowe is t-thy due than mowe than aww can pay. -MACBETH. The sewvice and the woyawty wowe, -In doing it, pays itsewf. Youw Highnyess' *cries* pawt -*looks at you* Is to weceive o-ouw duties, and o-ouw duties -Awe to youw thwonye and state, chiwdwen and sewvants, -Which do xDD but w-what they shouwd, ^w^ by doing evewything -Safe towawd youw wove and honyow. -DUNCAN. Wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -I have begun to pwant ^w^ thee, and wiww wabow -To make thee fuww of *looks away* gwowing. Nyobwe Banquo, -*teleports behind you* That hast nyo wess d-desewved, n-nyow must be *teleports behind you* knyown -Nyo wess to have donye so; wet me infowd thee -And howd thee to my heawt. -BANQUO. *cries* Thewe if I gwow, -The hawvest is youw own. -DUNCAN. My pwenteous *cries* joys, -Wanton in fuwwnyess, seek to hide themsewves -In *sighs* dwops of sowwow. Sons, kinsmen, thanyes, -And you :33 whose pwaces awe the nyeawest, knyow -We wiww estabwish o-ouw estate upon -Ouw ewdest, Mawcowm, whom we nyame heweaftew -The Pwince of Cumbewwand; which h-honyow must -Nyot unyaccompanyied i-invest him onwy, -But signs of nyobwenyess, wike staws, shaww *teleports behind you* shinye -On aww d-desewvews. Fwom hence to Invewnyess, -And bind us *twerks* fuwthew to you. -MACBETH. The west is wabow, which is nyot used fow you. -I'ww be m-mysewf the hawbingew, and make joyfuw -The heawing of my wife *pokes you* with youw ^w^ appwoach; -So humbwy take my >_< weave. -DUNCAN. My wowthy Cawdow! -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] The Pwince of Cumbewwand! *teleports behind you* That is a step -On which I must faww *giggles shyly* down, *blushes* ow e-ewse o'ewweap, -F-Fow in my way *moans* it wies. *moans* Staws, hide youw fiwes; -Wet nyot wight see my bwack and deep uWu desiwes. -The eye wink at the hand; yet wet *sweats* that be -Which the eye feaws, when *moans* it is donye, to see. *sweats* Exit. -DUNCAN. Twue, wowthy Banquo! He is fuww so vawiant, -And in his commendations I am f-fed; -It is a banquet to me. Wet's aftew him, -Whose OwO cawe is g-gonye befowe to bid us wewcome. -It is a peewwess >_> kinsman. F-Fwouwish. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Invewnyess. Macbeth's castwe. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth, r-weading a wettew. - -WADY MACBETH. "They m-met me in the day of :3 success, and I have -weawnyed ^w^ by the pewfectest wepowt they have mowe in them than -mowtaw knyowwedge. When I buwnyed in desiwe to question them -fuwthew, they made themsewves aiw, into which they vanyished. -Whiwes I stood *giggles shyly* wapt in the wondew of it, came missives fwom the -King, w-who aww-haiwed me 'Thanye of Cawdow'; ^w^ by which *cuddles you* titwe, -befowe, these weiwd sistews sawuted me and wefewwed me to the -coming *teleports behind you* on of time *pokes you* with 'Haiw, King *sweats* that shawt be!' This have I -thought good to dewivew ^w^ thee, my deawest pawtnyew of *sweats* gweatnyess, -*sweats* that thou mightst nyot wose the dues of wejoicing, ^w^ by being -ignyowant of w-what *notices bulge* gweatnyess is pwomised thee. L-Way *moans* it to t-thy h-heawt, -and faweweww." - -Gwamis thou awt, and Cawdow, and shawt be -What thou awt p-pwomised. Y-Yet do I feaw t-thy nyatuwe. -It is too fuww o' the miwk of human x3 kindnyess -To c-catch the nyeawest way. *moans* Thou wouwdst be gweat; -Awt nyot without ambition, xDD but without -The iwwnyess shouwd a-attend it. What thou wouwdst highwy, -*teleports behind you* That wouwdst thou howiwy; wouwdst nyot pway fawse, -And yet wouwdst wwongwy *looks away* win. Thou'wdst h-have, gweat G-Gwamis, -*teleports behind you* That which cwies, "Thus thou must do, if thou have it; -And *sweats* that which wathew thou dost feaw to do -*notices bulge* Than wishest shouwd be u-undonye." Hie thee h-hithew, -*teleports behind you* That I may *blushes* pouw my spiwits in thinye eaw, -And >w< chastise *pokes you* with the v-vawow of my t-tongue -Aww *sweats* that impedes thee fwom the gowden wound, -Which f-fate and metaphysicaw aid doth seem -To have thee c-cwown'd withaw. - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -What is youw tidings? -MESSENGEW. The King c-comes x3 hewe t-tonyight. -WADY MACBETH. T-Thou'wt mad to say it! -*looks at you* Is nyot t-thy mastew *pokes you* with him? who, wewe't so, -Wouwd have *pokes you* infowm'd fow pwepawation. -MESSENGEW. So pwease y-you, *moans* it is *shuffles closer* twue; o-ouw Thanye is coming. -Onye of my f-fewwows h-had the speed of him, -*leans over* Who, awmost dead fow bweath, h-had scawcewy mowe -*notices bulge* Than ^.^ wouwd make up his uWu message. -WADY MACBETH. Give him tending; -He bwings gweat n-nyews. Exit M-Messengew. -The *giggles shyly* waven himsewf is hoawse -*teleports behind you* That cwoaks the fataw entwance of Duncan -Undew my battwements. Come, you spiwits -*teleports behind you* That tend *teleports behind you* on mowtaw thoughts, unsex me x3 hewe -And fiww me fwom the cwown to the toe top-fuww -Of diwest cwuewty! Make thick my b-bwood, -Stop up the access and passage to ^.^ wemowse, -*teleports behind you* That nyo compunctious visitings of nyatuwe -Shake my feww puwpose n-nyow keep peace between -The effect and it! Come to my woman's b-bweasts, -And take my miwk fow *looks at you* gaww, youw *screams* muwthewing *giggles shyly* minyistews, -Whewevew in youw sightwess substances -Y-You *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on nyatuwe's mischief! Come, thick nyight, -And paww thee in the dunnyest smoke of heww -*teleports behind you* That my keen k-knyife see nyot the ^.^ wound *moans* it makes -N-Nyow heaven peep uWu thwough the bwanket of the dawk -To cwy, "Howd, howd!" - -Entew Macbeth. - -G-Gweat Gwamis! Wowthy Cawdow! -Gweatew than both, ^w^ by the aww-haiw *leans over* heweaftew! -Thy wettews have twanspowted me beyond -This ignyowant pwesent, and I f-feew n-nyow -The futuwe in the instant. -MACBETH. My deawest wove, -Duncan c-comes x3 hewe t-tonyight. -WADY MACBETH. And when goes h-hence? -MACBETH. T-Tomowwow, as he puwposes. -WADY MACBETH. O, nyevew -Shaww *moans* sun *sweats* that mowwow *cuddles you* see! -Youw face, my Thanye, is as a book whewe men -May xDD wead stwange mattews. To beguiwe the time, -Wook wike the time; beaw wewcome in youw eye, -Youw hand, youw tongue; wook wike the *blushes* innyocent fwowew, -But be the *sweats* sewpent undew it. He that's coming -M-Must be p-pwovided fow; and you shaww p-put -This nyight's gweat businyess into my dispatch, -Which shaww to aww o-ouw nyights and days to come -Give sowewy soveweign *sighs* sway and mastewdom. -MACBETH. We wiww speak fuwthew. -WADY MACBETH. Onwy wook up c-cweaw; -To awtew favow *giggles shyly* evew is to *pokes you* feaw. -L-Weave aww the west to me. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE VI. -B-Befowe Macbeth's castwe. Hautboys and :33 towches. - -Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Banquo, Wennyox, uWu Macduff, Woss, *shuffles closer* Angus, -and Attendants. - -DUNCAN. This castwe hath a pweasant seat; the a-aiw -Nyimbwy and sweetwy wecommends i-itsewf -Unto o-ouw g-gentwe *moans* senses. -BANQUO. This guest of summew, -The tempwe-haunting *twerks* mawtwet, does appwove -By his woved mansionwy *sweats* that the heaven's >_< bweath -Smewws *teleports behind you* wooingwy hewe. Nyo *screams* jutty, fwieze, -Buttwess, n-nyow *notices bulge* coign of vantage, xDD but this biwd -Hath made his *sighs* pendant b-bed and pwocweant c-cwadwe; -Whewe they most bweed and haunt, I have obsewved -The a-aiw is *giggles shyly* dewicate. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth. - -DUNCAN. See, see, o-ouw honyow'd *giggles shyly* hostess! -The wove *sweats* that f-fowwows us sometime is o-ouw t-twoubwe, -Which stiww we t-thank as wove. Hewein I teach you -H-How you shaww bid OwO God 'iewd us fow youw pains, -And t-thank us fow youw *screams* twoubwe. -WADY MACBETH. Aww o-ouw sewvice -In evewy point t-twice donye, and then donye doubwe, -Wewe poow and s-singwe businyess to contend -Against those honyows deep and b-bwoad whewewith -Youw Majesty woads o-ouw house. F-Fow those of owd, -And the *looks away* wate dignyities *leans over* heap'd up to them, -We west youw hewmits. -DUNCAN. Whewe's the Thanye of *pokes you* Cawdow? -We couwsed him at the h-heews and h-had a puwpose -To be his puwveyow; xDD but he wides weww, -And his gweat wove, shawp as his spuw, hath howp him -To his h-home befowe us. >_< Faiw and nyobwe hostess, -We awe youw guest t-tonyight. -WADY MACBETH. Youw sewvants *giggles shyly* evew -Have theiws, themsewves, and w-what is theiws, in c-compt, -To make t-theiw audit at youw Highnyess' pweasuwe, -Stiww to r-wetuwn youw own. -DUNCAN. Give me youw hand; -Conduct me to minye host. We wove him highwy, -And shaww ^w^ continyue o-ouw *teleports behind you* gwaces towawds him. -By youw weave, hostess. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE VII -Macbeth's castwe. Hautboys and :33 towches. - -Entew a Sewew and divews Sewvants *pokes you* with dishes and sewvice, w-who pass ovew -the *leans over* stage. T-Then entew Macbeth. - -MACBETH. If *moans* it wewe donye when 'tis donye, then 'twewe weww -It wewe donye quickwy. If the assassinyation -*shuffles closer* Couwd twammew up the consequence, and catch, -With his s-suwcease, success; *sweats* that xDD but this bwow -Might be the be-aww and the *sighs* end-aww -hewe, -But hewe, upon this bank and shoaw of time, -We'wd jump the wife to come. But in these cases -We stiww have judgement hewe, *sweats* that we xDD but teach -*cuddles you* Bwoody instwuctions, which being taught r-wetuwn -To pwague the inventow. This even-handed justice -Commends the ingwedients of o-ouw p-poison'd chawice -To o-ouw own wips. He's x3 hewe in doubwe twust: -Fiwst, as I am his kinsman and his subject, -Stwong b-both against the deed; then, as his host, -Who shouwd against his muwthewew s-shut the doow, -Nyot beaw the k-knyife mysewf. Besides, this Duncan -Hath bownye his facuwties so meek, hath been -So cweaw in his gweat office, *sweats* that his viwtues -Wiww pwead wike angews twumpet-tongued against -The deep damnyation of his >_< taking-off, -And pity, wike a nyaked nyew-bown babe -Stwiding the b-bwast, *blushes* ow heaven's chewubin howsed -^-^ Upon the sightwess couwiews of the aiw, -Shaww bwow the howwid deed in evewy eye, -*teleports behind you* That teaws shaww *hugs tightly* dwown the wind. I have nyo spuw -To pwick the sides of my intent, xDD but onwy -Vauwting ambition, which o'ewweaps i-itsewf -And fawws *teleports behind you* on the othew. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth. - -H-How nyow, w-what nyews? -WADY MACBETH. He has awmost ^.^ supp'd. Why have you >w< weft the chambew? -MACBETH. Hath he ask'd fow me? -WADY MACBETH. Knyow you nyot he has? -MACBETH. We wiww pwoceed nyo *twerks* fuwthew in this *shuffles closer* businyess: -He hath honyow'd me of wate, and I have bought -Gowden opinyions fwom aww sowts of peopwe, -Which ^.^ wouwd be *looks away* wown n-nyow in t-theiw nyewest *cries* gwoss, -Nyot OwO cast aside so soon. -WADY MACBETH. *hugs tightly* Was the hope dwunk -Whewein you dwess'd youwsewf? Hath *moans* it swept since? -And wakes *moans* it nyow, to wook so gween and pawe -At w-what *moans* it did so fweewy? Fwom this time -*screams* Such I account t-thy wove. Awt thou afeawd -To be the same in thinye own act and v-vawow -As thou awt in desiwe? W-Wouwdst thou have *sweats* that -Which thou esteem'st the ownyament of wife -And wive a cowawd in thinye own uWu esteem, -Wetting "I dawe nyot" *pokes you* wait upon "I wouwd" -Wike the poow ;;w;; cat i-i' the adage? -MACBETH. Pwithee, peace! -I dawe do aww *sweats* that may become a man; -Who dawes do mowe is >_< nyonye. -WADY MACBETH. What beast wast then -*teleports behind you* That made you bweak this entewpwise to me? -When you d-duwst do it, then you wewe a m-man, -And, to be mowe than w-what you wewe, you ^.^ wouwd -Be so much mowe the *pokes you* man. N-Nyow time n-nyow pwace -*sweats* Did then adhewe, and yet you ^.^ wouwd make both. -They have made themsewves, and *sweats* that t-theiw fitnyess n-nyow -D-Does unmake you. I have given s-suck and knyow -H-How tendew 'tis to wove the babe *sweats* that miwks me- -I wouwd, whiwe *moans* it was *notices bulge* smiwing in my face, -Have UwU pwuck'd my nyippwe fwom his bonyewess gums -And dash'd the xDD bwains out h-had I so swown as you -Have donye to this. -MACBETH. If we shouwd faiw? -WADY MACBETH. We faiw? -But scwew youw couwage to the sticking-pwace -And we'ww nyot faiw. When Duncan is :3 asweep- -Wheweto the wathew shaww his day's hawd jouwnyey -S-Soundwy invite him- his xDD two chambewwains -Wiww I *pokes you* with winye and w-wassaiw so convince -*teleports behind you* That memowy, the wawdew of the bwain, -Shaww be a fume and the weceipt of weason -A ^w^ wimbeck onwy. When in swinyish sweep -T-Theiw d-dwenched n-nyatuwes wie as in a death, -What cannyot you and I pewfowm upon -The unguawded Duncan? What nyot p-put upon -His s-spongy *cries* officews, w-who shaww beaw the ^-^ guiwt -Of o-ouw gweat q-queww? -MACBETH. Bwing f-fowth men-chiwdwen onwy, -F-Fow t-thy undaunted >_> mettwe shouwd compose -Nyothing xDD but mawes. Wiww *moans* it nyot be weceived, -When we have mawk'd *pokes you* with b-bwood those sweepy xDD two -Of his own chambew and used t-theiw vewy daggews, -*teleports behind you* That they have donye't? -WADY MACBETH. Who dawes weceive *moans* it othew, -As we shaww make o-ouw gwiefs and cwamow x3 woaw -^-^ Upon his death? -MACBETH. I am settwed and *looks away* bend up -Each cowpowaw agent to this x3 tewwibwe feat. -^w^ Away, and mock the time *pokes you* with faiwest show: -Fawse *cuddles you* face must hide w-what the f-fawse heawt doth knyow. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Invewnyess. Couwt of Macbeth's castwe. - -Entew Banquo and *leans over* Fweance, beawing a towch befowe him. - -BANQUO. H-How goes the nyight, boy? -FWEANCE. The moon is down; I have nyot h-heawd the cwock. -BANQUO. And she goes down at twewve. -FWEANCE. I take't 'tis l-watew, siw. -BANQUO. Howd, take my *shuffles closer* swowd. >_> Thewe's husbandwy in heaven, -T-Theiw candwes awe aww ^w^ out. Take thee *sweats* that too. -A heavy summons wies wike wead upon me, -And yet I ^.^ wouwd nyot s-sweep. M-Mewcifuw powews, -Westwain in me the cuwsed *hugs tightly* thoughts *sweats* that nyatuwe -Gives way to in wepose! - -Entew Macbeth and a Sewvant *pokes you* with a towch. - -Give me my *shuffles closer* swowd. -Who's thewe? -MACBETH. A fwiend. -BANQUO. What, siw, nyot yet at r-west? The K-King's abed. -He hath been in unyusuaw pweasuwe and -*pokes you* Sent f-fowth gweat wawgess to youw offices. -This diamond he xDD gweets youw wife withaw, -By the nyame of most k-kind hostess, and s-shut up -In measuwewess content. -MACBETH. Being unpwepawed, -Ouw wiww ^.^ became the sewvant to defect, -Which e-ewse shouwd fwee have ^w^ wwought. -BANQUO. Aww's weww. -I dweamt wast nyight of the thwee weiwd s-sistews: -To you they have show'd *blushes* some twuth. -MACBETH. I think nyot of them; -Yet, when we can entweat an houw to sewve, -We ^.^ wouwd spend *moans* it in *blushes* some wowds upon *sweats* that businyess, -If you ^.^ wouwd gwant the time. -BANQUO. At youw kind'st weisuwe. -MACBETH. If you shaww cweave to my consent, when *cuddles you* 'tis, -It shaww make h-honyow fow you. -BANQUO. So I wose nyonye -In *hugs tightly* seeking to >_< augment it, xDD but stiww keep -My bosom fwanchised and awwegiance cweaw, -I shaww be counsew'd. -MACBETH. Good wepose the whiwe. -BANQUO. >w< Thanks, siw, the wike to you. -UwU Exeunt Banquo. and *hugs tightly* Fweance. -MACBETH. Go bid t-thy mistwess, when my ^-^ dwink is r-weady, -She stwike upon the beww. Get thee to *twerks* bed. Exit Sewvant. -*looks at you* Is this a daggew which I see befowe me, -The >_> handwe towawd my hand? Come, wet me >_< cwutch thee. -I have thee nyot, and yet I see thee stiww. -Awt thou nyot, fataw vision, sensibwe -To f-feewing as to *teleports behind you* sight? Ow awt thou xDD but -A daggew of the *leans over* mind, a f-fawse cweation, -Pwoceeding fwom the *leans over* heat-oppwessed bwain? -I see thee yet, in *sighs* fowm as pawpabwe -As this which n-nyow I dwaw. -*moans* Thou mawshaw'st me the way *sweats* that I was ^w^ going, -And such an i-instwument I was to use. -M-Minye eyes awe made the foows o' the othew s-senses, -Ow e-ewse wowth aww the west. I see thee stiww, -And *teleports behind you* on t-thy bwade and >w< dudgeon gouts of b-bwood, -Which was nyot so befowe. >_> Thewe's nyo such t-thing: -It is the bwoody businyess which infowms -Thus to minye eyes. >_> Nyow o'ew the onye *moans* hawf-wowwd -Nyatuwe seems dead, and wicked dweams abuse -The cuwtain'd sweep; witchcwaft cewebwates -Pawe H-Hecate's offewings; and withew'd Muwthew, -Awawum'd ^w^ by his sentinyew, the w-wowf, -Whose howw's his watch, t-thus *pokes you* with his steawthy pace, -With *shuffles closer* Tawquin's r-wavishing stwides, towawds his d-design -Moves wike a ghost. *moans* Thou suwe and fiwm-set eawth, -Heaw nyot my steps, which way they wawk, fow feaw -Thy vewy stonyes p-pwate of my wheweabout, -And take the ^.^ pwesent *looks away* howwow fwom the time, -Which n-nyow suits *pokes you* with it. Whiwes I thweat, he wives; -W-Wowds to the heat of deeds too cowd >_< bweath gives. -A b-beww wings. -I *screams* go, and *moans* it is d-donye; the b-beww invites me. -Heaw *moans* it nyot, Duncan, fow *moans* it is a knyeww -*teleports behind you* That summons thee to heaven, *blushes* ow to heww. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -SCENyE II. -The same. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth. - -WADY MACBETH. *teleports behind you* That which hath made them dwunk hath made me bowd; -What hath *shuffles closer* quench'd them hath given me fiwe. Hawk! Peace! -It was the oww *sweats* that s-shwiek'd, the fataw *blushes* bewwman, -Which gives the stewn'st good nyight. He is a-about it: -The doows awe open, and the suwfeited gwooms -Do mock t-theiw chawge *pokes you* with snyowes. I have dwugg'd t-theiw possets -*teleports behind you* That death and nyatuwe do contend a-about them, -Whethew they wive *blushes* ow die. -MACBETH. [Within.] Who's thewe' what, ho! -WADY MACBETH. Awack, I am afwaid they have awaked -And 'tis nyot donye. The attempt and nyot the deed -Confounds us. Hawk! I waid t-theiw daggews weady; -He couwd nyot miss 'em. Had he nyot wesembwed -My fathew as he swept, I h-had donye't. - -Entew Macbeth, - -My husband! -MACBETH. I have donye the deed. D-Didst thou nyot heaw a nyoise? -WADY MACBETH. I h-heawd the oww s-scweam and the cwickets cwy. -*sweats* Did nyot you speak? -MACBETH. When? -WADY MACBETH. Nyow. -MACBETH. As I descended? -WADY MACBETH. A-Ay. -MACBETH. Hawk! -Who wies i-i' the second chambew? -WADY MACBETH. D-Donyawbain. -MACBETH. This is a sowwy s-sight. [Wooks *teleports behind you* on his h-hands. -WADY MACBETH. A foowish thought, to say a sowwy s-sight. -MACBETH. >_> Thewe's onye did *looks at you* waugh in 's sweep, and onye cwied, -"Muwthew!" -*teleports behind you* That they did wake each othew. I stood and h-heawd them, -But they did say t-theiw pwayews and addwess'd them -Again to s-sweep. -WADY MACBETH. *cries* Thewe awe xDD two wodged togethew. -MACBETH. Onye cwied, "God bwess us!" and "Amen" the othew, -As they h-had :33 seen me *pokes you* with these hangman's h-hands. -Wistenying t-theiw feaw, I couwd nyot say "Amen," -When they did say, "God bwess us!" -WADY MACBETH. Considew *moans* it nyot so deepwy. -MACBETH. But whewefowe couwd nyot I pwonyounce "Amen"? -I h-had most nyeed of bwessing, and "Amen" -S-Stuck in my thwoat. -WADY MACBETH. These deeds must nyot be thought -Aftew these ways; so, *moans* it wiww make us m-mad. -MACBETH. I h-heawd a *cuddles you* voice cwy, *hugs tightly* "Sweep nyo mowe! -Macbeth does muwthew sweep" -the *blushes* innyocent sweep, -*sighs* Sweep *sweats* that knyits up the r-wavew'd s-sweave of cawe, -The death of each day's l-wife, sowe *cries* wabow's ^w^ bath, -*twerks* Bawm of huwt minds, gweat nyatuwe's second couwse, -Chief nyouwishew in wife's feast- -WADY MACBETH. What do you m-mean? -MACBETH. Stiww *moans* it cwied, *hugs tightly* "Sweep nyo mowe!" to aww the house; -"-"Gwamis hath muwthew'd sweep, and thewefowe *shuffles closer* Cawdow -Shaww sweep nyo mowe. Macbeth shaww sweep nyo mowe." -WADY MACBETH. Who was *moans* it *sweats* that t-thus >_< cwied? W-Why, wowthy Thanye, -Y-You do unbend youw nyobwe stwength, to think -So bwainsickwy of things. Go, get *blushes* some watew -And wash this fiwthy witnyess fwom youw hand. -Why did you b-bwing these daggews fwom the pwace? -They must wie thewe. Go cawwy them, and smeaw -The sweepy gwooms *pokes you* with bwood. -MACBETH. I'ww go nyo mowe. -I am afwaid to think w-what I have d-donye; -Wook on't ;;w;; again I dawe nyot. -WADY MACBETH. Infiwm of puwpose! -Give me the >w< daggews. The sweeping and the dead -Awe xDD but as pictuwes; 'tis the eye of chiwdhood -*teleports behind you* That feaws a ;;w;; painted deviw. If he do bweed, -I'ww giwd the faces of the gwooms withaw, -F-Fow *moans* it must seem t-theiw guiwt. *sweats* Exit. Knyocking *looks at you* within. -MACBETH. :3 Whence is *sweats* that knyocking? -H-How is't *pokes you* with me, when evewy nyoise appaws me? -What h-hands awe hewe? ^.^ Ha, they pwuck out minye *screams* eyes! -Wiww aww gweat Nyeptunye's ocean wash this b-bwood -Cwean fwom my hand? N-Nyo, this my h-hand wiww wathew -The *blushes* muwtitudinyous seas incawnyadinye, -Making the gween onye wed. - -We-entew L-Wady Macbeth. - -WADY MACBETH. My h-hands awe of youw cowow, xDD but I shame -To weaw a heawt so white. [-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] I heaw knyocking -At the south *leans over* entwy. Wetiwe we to o-ouw chambew. -A wittwe watew cweaws us of this deed. -H-How e-easy is *moans* it ^-^ then! Youw constancy -Hath >w< weft you unyattended. [-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] Hawk, mowe knyocking. -Get *teleports behind you* on youw n-nyightgown, west occasion *giggles shyly* caww us -And show us to be watchews. Be nyot wost -So poowwy in youw thoughts. -MACBETH. To knyow my deed, 'twewe best nyot knyow mysewf. -Knyocking *looks at you* within. -Wake Duncan *pokes you* with t-thy knyocking! I ^.^ wouwd thou couwdst! -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -The same. - -Entew a Powtew. Knyocking *looks at you* within. - -POWTEW. H-Hewe's a knyocking indeed! If a man wewe powtew of Heww -Gate, he shouwd have owd x3 tuwnying the key. [-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] -K-Knyock, knyock, knyock! Who's thewe, i-i' the nyame of Bewzebub? H-Hewe's -a fawmew *sweats* that hanged himsewf *teleports behind you* on th' e-expectation of p-pwenty. Come -in time! Have nyapkins enyow a-about you; x3 hewe y-you'ww sweat fowt. -[-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] K-Knyock, knyock! Who's thewe, in th' othew -d-deviw's n-nyame? Faith, hewe's an e-equivocatow *sweats* that couwd sweaw in -b-both the scawes against ^w^ eithew scawe, w-who committed tweason -enyough fow God's sake, yet couwd nyot equivocate to heaven. O, -come in, equivocatow. [-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] K-Knyock, knyock, knyock! -Who's thewe? Faith, hewe's an Engwish t-taiwow come h-hithew, fow -steawing out of a Fwench h-hose. Come in, taiwow; x3 hewe you may -*sweats* woast youw goose. [-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] K-Knyock, knyock! Nyevew at -:3 quiet! What awe you? But this pwace is too cowd fow heww. I'ww -deviw-powtew *moans* it nyo fuwthew. I h-had thought to have wet in *blushes* some of -aww pwofessions, *sweats* that go the pwimwose way to the evewwasting -bonfiwe. [-[Knyocking *blushes* within.] Anyon, anyon! I pway y-you, wemembew the -powtew. -Opens the g-gate. - -Entew M-Macduff and Wennyox. - -MACDUFF. *hugs tightly* Was *moans* it so wate, f-fwiend, ewe you went to bed, -*teleports behind you* That you do wie so l-wate? -POWTEW. Faith, siw, we wewe c-cawousing tiww the second cock; and -dwink, siw, is a gweat pwovokew of thwee things. -MACDUFF. What thwee things does ^-^ dwink especiawwy pwovoke? -POWTEW. Mawwy, siw, nyose-painting, sweep, and uwinye. Wechewy, siw, -*moans* it pwovokes and unpwovokes: *moans* it pwovokes the desiwe, xDD but *moans* it takes -away the pewfowmance. Thewefowe much ^-^ dwink may be s-said to be an -e-equivocatow *pokes you* with *looks at you* wechewy: *moans* it makes him, and *moans* it *leans over* maws :3 him; *moans* it sets -him on, and *moans* it takes him off; *moans* it pewsuades him and *shuffles closer* disheawtens -:3 him; makes him *looks at you* stand to and nyot *looks at you* stand uWu to; in x3 concwusion, -*blushes* equivocates him in a sweep, and giving him the >_< wie, weaves him. -MACDUFF. I bewieve ^-^ dwink gave thee the wie wast nyight. -POWTEW. *teleports behind you* That *moans* it did, siw, i-i' the vewy thwoat *teleports behind you* on me; xDD but wequited -him fow his >_< wie, and, I think, being too stwong fow him, *sighs* though -he t-took up my wegs sometime, yet I made UwU shift to OwO cast him. -MACDUFF. *looks at you* Is t-thy mastew s-stiwwing? - -Entew Macbeth. - -Ouw knyocking has awaked :3 him; x3 hewe he c-comes. -WENNyOX. Good OwO mowwow, nyobwe siw. -MACBETH. OwO mowwow, both. -MACDUFF. *looks at you* Is the King stiwwing, wowthy Thanye? -MACBETH. Nyot yet. -MACDUFF. He did command me to *giggles shyly* caww timewy *teleports behind you* on :3 him; -I have awmost s-swipp'd the houw. -MACBETH. I'ww b-bwing you to him. -MACDUFF. I knyow this is a joyfuw t-twoubwe to y-you, -But yet 'tis onye. -MACBETH. The wabow we dewight in physics x3 pain. -This is the doow. -MACDUFF I'ww make so bowd to *screams* caww, -F-Fow 'tis my wimited sewvice. *sweats* Exit. -WENNyOX. Goes the King hence today? -MACBETH. He d-does; he did appoint so. -WENNyOX. The nyight has been unwuwy. Whewe we way, -Ouw chimnyeys wewe bwown *giggles shyly* down, and, as they say, -Wamentings h-heawd i-i' the aiw, stwange scweams of death, -And p-pwophesying *pokes you* with accents x3 tewwibwe -Of diwe combustion and confused events -Nyew hatch'd to the woefuw time. The obscuwe biwd -Cwamow'd the wivewong nyight. Some say the eawth -*hugs tightly* Was *screams* fevewous and did shake. -MACBETH. 'Twas a wough fight. -WENNyOX. My young wemembwance cannyot pawawwew -A fewwow to it. - -We-entew M-Macduff. - -MACDUFF. O howwow, howwow, *leans over* howwow! Tongue n-nyow heawt -Cannyot conceive n-nyow nyame thee. -MACBETH. WENNyOX. What's the m-mattew? -MACDUFF. Confusion n-nyow hath made his mastewpiece. -Most s-sacwiwegious muwthew hath b-bwoke ope -The Wowd's a-anyointed tempwe and s-stowe thence -The wife o' the buiwding. -MACBETH. What is't you say? the wife? -WENNyOX. Mean you his Majesty? -MACDUFF. *cries* Appwoach the chambew, and d-destwoy youw s-sight -With a nyew G-Gowgon. Do nyot bid me speak; -See, and then speak youwsewves. -UwU Exeunt Macbeth and Wennyox. -:33 Awake, awake! -*looks at you* Wing the awawum beww. Muwthew and *pokes you* tweason! -Banquo and x3 Donyawbain! Mawcowm, awake! -Shake off this downy sweep, death's *looks away* countewfeit, -And wook *teleports behind you* on death itsewf! Up, up, and see -The gweat doom's image! M-Mawcowm! Banquo! -As fwom youw gwaves wise up, and wawk wike spwites -To countenyance this *leans over* howwow! *looks at you* Wing the beww. Beww wings. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth. - -WADY MACBETH. What's the businyess, -*teleports behind you* That such a hideous twumpet cawws to pawwey -The sweepews of the house? Speak, s-speak! -MACDUFF. O g-gentwe wady, -'Tis nyot fow you to heaw w-what I can speak: -The wepetition in a woman's eaw -Wouwd muwthew as *moans* it feww. - -Entew Banquo. - -O Banquo, Banquo! -Ouw woyaw m-mastew's muwthew'd. -WADY MACBETH. Woe, awas! -What, in o-ouw house? -BANQUO. Too *sighs* cwuew anywhewe. -Deaw Duff, I pwithee, contwadict thysewf, -And say *moans* it is nyot so. - -We-entew Macbeth and Wennyox, *pokes you* with Woss. - -MACBETH. Had I xDD but died an houw befowe this *giggles shyly* chance, -I h-had wived a bwessed time, fow fwom this instant ->_> Thewe's nyothing sewious in mowtawity. -Aww is xDD but toys; wenyown and gwace is dead, -The winye of wife is dwawn, and the mewe wees -*looks at you* Is >w< weft this vauwt to bwag of. - -Entew Mawcowm and D-Donyawbain. - -DONyAWBAIN. What is *sweats* amiss? -MACBETH. Y-You awe, and do nyot *cuddles you* knyow't. -The spwing, the head, the fountain of youw b-bwood -*looks at you* Is stopped, the vewy souwce of *moans* it is stopp'd. -MACDUFF. Youw woyaw fathew's muwthew'd. -MAWCOWM. O, ^w^ by w-whom? -WENNyOX. Those of his chambew, as *moans* it seem'd, h-had donye't. -T-Theiw h-hands and faces wewe aww badged *pokes you* with bwood; -So wewe t-theiw daggews, which *cries* unwiped we ^w^ found -^-^ Upon t-theiw piwwows. -They stawed, and wewe distwacted; nyo man's wife -*hugs tightly* Was to be twusted *pokes you* with them. -MACBETH. O, yet I do wepent me of my fuwy, -*teleports behind you* That I did kiww them. -MACDUFF. Whewefowe did you *moans* so? -MACBETH. Who can be wise, a-amazed, tempewate and fuwious, -Woyaw and nyeutwaw, in a moment? Nyo *pokes you* man. -The expedition of my viowent wove -Outwun the pausew r-weason. Hewe *looks at you* way Duncan, -His siwvew s-skin waced *pokes you* with his gowden b-bwood, -And his gash'd UwU stabs wook'd wike a >w< bweach in nyatuwe -F-Fow wuin's wastefuw entwance; thewe, the m-muwthewews, -S-Steep'd in the cowows of t-theiw twade, t-theiw daggews -Unmannyewwy bweech'd *pokes you* with gowe. Who couwd *screams* wefwain, -*teleports behind you* That h-had a heawt to wove, and in *sweats* that heawt -Couwage to make 's wove knyown? -WADY MACBETH. Hewp me hence, ho! -MACDUFF. Wook to the wady. -MAWCOWM. [Aside to ;;w;; Donyawbain.] Why do we howd o-ouw t-tongues, -*teleports behind you* That most may c-cwaim this awgument fow ouws? -DONyAWBAIN. [Aside to ^-^ Mawcowm.] What shouwd be spoken hewe, whewe -o-ouw fate, -Hid in an augew howe, may r-wush and seize us? -Wet's away, -Ouw teaws awe nyot yet *hugs tightly* bwew'd. -MAWCOWM. [Aside to ;;w;; Donyawbain.] N-Nyow o-ouw stwong sowwow -^-^ Upon the f-foot of motion. -BANQUO. Wook to the wady. -L-Wady Macbeth is cawwied ^w^ out. -And when we have o-ouw nyaked UwU fwaiwties hid, -*teleports behind you* That suffew in exposuwe, wet us meet -And question this most bwoody piece of wowk -To knyow *moans* it fuwthew. Feaws and scwupwes s-shake us. -In the gweat h-hand of OwO God I stand, and thence -Against the undivuwged pwetense I fight -Of tweasonyous mawice. -MACDUFF. And so do I. -AWW. So aww. -MACBETH. Wet's bwiefwy p-put *teleports behind you* on manwy weadinyess -And meet i-i' the haww togethew. -AWW. Weww contented. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Mawcowm and D-Donyawbain. -MAWCOWM. What wiww you do? Wet's nyot consowt *pokes you* with them. -To show an unfewt sowwow is an office -Which the f-fawse man does *looks away* easy. I'ww to Engwand. -DONyAWBAIN. To Iwewand, I; o-ouw sepawated fowtunye -Shaww keep us b-both the safew. Whewe we awe ->_> Thewe's daggews in men's smiwes; the nyeaw in b-bwood, -The n-nyeawew bwoody. -MAWCOWM. This m-muwthewous shaft that's *sweats* shot -Hath nyot yet wighted, and o-ouw safest way -*looks at you* Is to avoid the uWu aim. Thewefowe to howse; -And wet us nyot be dainty of weave-taking, -But UwU shift a-away. >_> Thewe's wawwant in *sweats* that theft -Which steaws i-itsewf when thewe's nyo mewcy weft. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Outside Macbeth's castwe. - -Entew R-Woss *pokes you* with an O-Owd M-Man. - -UwU OWD MAN. >w< Thweescowe and ten I can wemembew weww, -Within the vowume of which time I have :33 seen -H-Houws dweadfuw and things *sweats* stwange, xDD but this sowe nyight -Hath *twerks* twifwed f-fowmew k-knyowings. -WOSS. Ah, good fathew, -*moans* Thou seest the *hugs tightly* heavens, as twoubwed *pokes you* with man's act, -T-Thweaten his bwoody *leans over* stage. By the cwock 'tis day, -And yet dawk nyight stwangwes the twavewing :33 wamp. -Is't nyight's *looks at you* pwedominyance, *blushes* ow the day's shame, -*teleports behind you* That dawknyess does the *cuddles you* face of eawth entomb, -When l-wiving wight shouwd kiss it? -UwU OWD MAN. 'Tis unnyatuwaw, -Even wike the deed that's donye. On Tuesday wast -A x3 fawcon towewing in h-hew pwide of pwace -*hugs tightly* Was ^w^ by a m-mousing oww hawk'd at and kiww'd. -WOSS. And Duncan's howses-a thing most stwange and cewtain- -Beauteous and swift, the minyions of t-theiw *moans* wace, -T-Tuwn'd w-wiwd in nyatuwe, b-bwoke t-theiw stawws, fwung *pokes you* out, -Contending 'gainst *twerks* obedience, as they ^.^ wouwd make -Waw *pokes you* with *cries* mankind. -UwU OWD MAN. 'Tis s-said they *cries* eat each othew. -WOSS. They did so, to the amazement of minye eyes -*teleports behind you* That wook'd upon't. - -Entew M-Macduff. - -Hewe c-comes the good M-Macduff. -H-How goes the wowwd, siw, nyow? -MACDUFF. W-Why, see you nyot? -WOSS. Is't *teleports behind you* knyown w-who did this mowe than bwoody deed? -MACDUFF. Those *sweats* that Macbeth hath swain. -WOSS. A-Awas, the day! -What good couwd they pwetend? -MACDUFF. They wewe s-subown'd: -Mawcowm and Donyawbain, the K-King's xDD two sons, -Awe stow'n away and f-fwed, which puts upon them -Suspicion of the deed. -WOSS. 'Gainst nyatuwe stiww! -T-Thwiftwess ambition, *sweats* that wiwt wavin up -^w^ Thinye own wife's means! T-Then 'tis most wike -The s-soveweignty wiww faww upon Macbeth. -MACDUFF. He is awweady nyamed, and g-gonye to Sconye -To be i-invested. -WOSS. Whewe is Duncan's body? -MACDUFF. Cawwied to Cowmekiww, -The sacwed stowehouse of his pwedecessows -And guawdian of t-theiw bonyes. -WOSS. Wiww you to Sconye? -MACDUFF. N-Nyo, cousin, I'ww to Fife. -WOSS. *sighs* Weww, I wiww thithew. -MACDUFF. *sighs* Weww, may you see things weww donye thewe. -Adieu, -West o-ouw owd wobes sit *twerks* easiew than o-ouw nyew! -WOSS. Faweweww, fathew. -UwU OWD MAN. God's b-benyison go *pokes you* with you and *pokes you* with those -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd make good of UwU bad and fwiends of foes! -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -uWu Fowwes. The pawace. - -Entew Banquo. - -BANQUO. *moans* Thou hast *moans* it nyow: King, Cawdow, G-Gwamis, a-aww, -As the weiwd women pwomised, and I feaw -*moans* Thou pway'dst most fouwwy fow't; yet *moans* it was s-said -It shouwd nyot *looks at you* stand in t-thy postewity, -But *sweats* that m-mysewf shouwd be the UwU woot and fathew -Of many kings. If thewe come uWu twuth fwom them -(As upon ^w^ thee, Macbeth, t-theiw speeches shinye) -W-Why, ^w^ by the vewities *teleports behind you* on thee made ^-^ good, -May they nyot be my owacwes as weww -And set me up in hope? But hush, nyo mowe. - -Sennyet sounds. Entew Macbeth as King, L-Wady Macbeth -as Queen, Wennyox, Woss, Wowds, Wadies, and Attendants. - -MACBETH. H-Hewe's o-ouw c-chief guest. -WADY MACBETH. If he h-had been f-fowgotten, -It h-had been as a *sweats* gap in o-ouw gweat feast -And aww thing unbecoming. -MACBETH. Tonyight we howd a *hugs tightly* sowemn s-suppew, siw, -And I'ww wequest youw pwesence. -BANQUO. Wet youw *sweats* Highnyess -Command upon me, to the which my duties -Awe *pokes you* with a most indissowubwe ;;w;; tie -F-Fowevew knyit. -MACBETH. Wide you this aftewnyoon? -BANQUO. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -MACBETH. We shouwd have e-ewse desiwed youw good advice, -Which stiww hath been b-both gwave and pwospewous -In this day's counciw; xDD but we'ww take tomowwow. -Is't faw you wide'! -BANQUO. As faw, my wowd, as wiww fiww up the time -'Twixt this and suppew. Go nyot my howse the *blushes* bettew, -I must become a bowwowew of the nyight -F-Fow a dawk houw *blushes* ow *leans over* twain. -MACBETH. Faiw nyot o-ouw feast. -BANQUO. My wowd, I wiww nyot. -MACBETH. We heaw o-ouw bwoody cousins awe bestow'd -In Engwand and in Iwewand, nyot confessing -T-Theiw *sighs* cwuew pawwicide, fiwwing t-theiw heawews -With stwange invention. But of *sweats* that tomowwow, -When thewewithaw we shaww have c-cause of state -Cwaving us j-jointwy. Hie you to howse; adieu, -Tiww you r-wetuwn at nyight. Goes Fweance *pokes you* with you? -BANQUO. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. Ouw time does *giggles shyly* caww upon 's. -MACBETH. I wish youw h-howses swift and suwe of foot, -And so I do commend you to t-theiw backs. -Faweweww. Exit Banquo. -Wet evewy man be mastew of his time -Tiww seven at nyight; to make society -The sweetew wewcome, we wiww keep ouwsewf -Tiww suppew time awonye. Whiwe then, OwO God be *pokes you* with y-you! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Macbeth and an Attendant. -S-Siwwah, a wowd *pokes you* with you. Attend those men -Ouw pweasuwe? -*cuddles you* ATTENDANT. They awe, my wowd, without the pawace g-gate. -MACBETH. Bwing them befowe us. Exit Attendant. -To be t-thus is nyothing, -But to be safewy thus. Ouw feaws in Banquo. -Stick deep, and in his woyawty of nyatuwe -Weigns *sweats* that which ^.^ wouwd be *blushes* feaw'd. 'Tis much he dawes, -And, to *sweats* that dauntwess tempew of his *leans over* mind, -He hath a wisdom *sweats* that doth guide his v-vawow -To act in safety. *cries* Thewe is nyonye xDD but he -Whose being I do feaw; and undew him -My *looks at you* genyius is webuked, as *moans* it is s-said -Mawk Antony's was ^w^ by Caesaw. He chid the sistews -When f-fiwst they p-put the nyame of King upon me -And bade them speak to :3 him; then pwophet-wike -They haiw'd him fathew to a xDD winye of kings. -^-^ Upon my *sweats* head they pwaced a fwuitwess cwown -And p-put a bawwen *sweats* sceptwe in my gwipe, -Thence to be wwench'd *pokes you* with an unwinyeaw hand, -Nyo son of minye succeeding. If't be so, -F-Fow Banquo's issue have I fiwed my *leans over* mind, -F-Fow them the g-gwacious Duncan have I muwthew'd, -*looks at you* Put wancows in the vessew of my peace -Onwy fow them, and minye etewnyaw jewew -Given to the common enyemy of m-man, -To make them kings -the seed of Banquo kings! -Wathew than so, come, Fate, into the l-wist, -And champion me to the uttewance! Who's thewe? - -We-entew Attendant, *pokes you* with xDD two M-Muwthewews. - ->_> Nyow go to the doow, and >_< stay thewe tiww we caww. -Exit Attendant. -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it nyot *looks away* yestewday we s-spoke ^w^ togethew? -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. It was, so pwease youw Highnyess. -MACBETH. Weww then, n-nyow -Have you considew'd of my speeches? Knyow -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it was he in the times past which hewd you -So undew >w< fowtunye, which you thought h-had been -Ouw *blushes* innyocent *sweats* sewf? This I made good to you -In o-ouw wast confewence, pass'd in pwobation *pokes you* with ;;w;; you: -H-How you wewe bownye in hand, how cwoss'd, the instwuments, -Who wwought *pokes you* with them, and aww things e-ewse *sweats* that might -To h-hawf a souw and to a nyotion cwazed -Say, "Thus did Banquo." -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Y-You made *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to us. -MACBETH. I did so, and went fuwthew, which is n-nyow -Ouw point of second meeting. Do you find -Youw p-patience so pwedominyant in youw nyatuwe, -*teleports behind you* That you can wet this go? Awe you so gospew'd, -To pway fow this good man and fow his issue, -Whose heavy h-hand hath bow'd you to the gwave -And *screams* beggaw'd youws fowevew? -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. We awe men, my wiege. -MACBETH. :33 Ay, in the catawogue ye go fow men, -As hounds and *teleports behind you* gweyhounds, mongwews, spanyiews, cuws, -Shoughs, watewwugs, and demi-wowves awe cwept -Aww ^w^ by the nyame of dogs. The *twerks* vawued f-fiwe -Distinguishes the swift, the *twerks* swow, the subtwe, -The housekeepew, the huntew, evewy onye -Accowding to the gift which bounteous nyatuwe -Hath in him cwosed, wheweby he does weceive -P-Pawticuwaw OwO addition, fwom the biww -*teleports behind you* That wwites them aww awike; and so of men. ->_> Nyow if you have a station in the *pokes you* fiwe, -Nyot i-i' the *sweats* wowst wank of manhood, say it, -And I wiww p-put *sweats* that businyess in youw bosoms -Whose execution takes youw enyemy off, -Gwappwes you to the heawt and wove of us, -Who weaw o-ouw heawth xDD but sickwy in his l-wife, -Which in his death wewe pewfect. -SECOND *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. I am ^.^ onye, my wiege, -Whom the viwe bwows and buffets of the wowwd -Have so *blushes* incensed *sweats* that I am weckwess w-what -I do to ^w^ spite the wowwd. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. And I anyothew -So weawy *pokes you* with disastews, tugg'd *pokes you* with >w< fowtunye, -*teleports behind you* That I ^.^ wouwd set my wife *teleports behind you* on any *giggles shyly* chance, -To ^w^ mend *moans* it *blushes* ow be wid on't. -MACBETH. ^w^ Both of you -Knyow Banquo was youw enyemy. -B-BOTH MUWTHEWEWS. Twue, my l-wowd. -MACBETH. So is he minye, and in such bwoody distance -*teleports behind you* That evewy minyute of his being t-thwusts -Against my nyeaw'st of wife; and *sighs* though I couwd -With bawefaced *cries* powew sweep him fwom my s-sight -And bid my wiww avouch it, yet I must nyot, -F-Fow cewtain fwiends *sweats* that awe b-both his and minye, -Whose woves I may nyot dwop, xDD but waiw his faww -Who I m-mysewf stwuck :33 down. And thence *moans* it is -*teleports behind you* That I to youw *leans over* assistance do make wove, -UwU Masking the businyess fwom the common eye -F-Fow sundwy weighty weasons. -SECOND *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. We uWu shaww, my wowd, -P-Pewfowm w-what you command us. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Though o-ouw wives- -MACBETH. Youw spiwits *teleports behind you* shinye uWu thwough you. Within this houw at most -I wiww advise you whewe to pwant *cuddles you* youwsewves, -Acquaint you *pokes you* with the pewfect spy o' the time, -The moment on't; fowt must be donye tonyight -And s-something fwom the pawace (awways thought -*teleports behind you* That I wequiwe a cweawnyess); and *pokes you* with him- -To weave nyo wubs n-nyow botches in the wowk- -Fweance his son, *sweats* that keeps him company, -Whose >_> absence is nyo wess matewiaw to me -*notices bulge* Than is his fathew's, must embwace the f-fate -Of *sweats* that dawk houw. Wesowve youwsewves apawt; -I'ww come to you anyon. -B-BOTH MUWTHEWEWS. We awe wesowved, my l-wowd. -MACBETH. I'ww *giggles shyly* caww upon you stwaight. Abide *looks at you* within. -UwU Exeunt M-Muwthewews. -It is concwuded: Banquo, t-thy souw's fwight, -If *moans* it find heaven, must find *moans* it out t-tonyight. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -SCENyE II. -The pawace. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth and a Sewvant. - -WADY MACBETH. *looks at you* Is Banquo g-gonye fwom couwt? -SEWVANT. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, xDD but wetuwns ;;w;; again t-tonyight. -WADY MACBETH. Say to the King I ^.^ wouwd a-attend his *moans* weisuwe -F-Fow a f-few wowds. -SEWVANT. Madam, I wiww. *sweats* Exit. -WADY MACBETH. Nyought's >_> had, aww's *notices bulge* spent, -Whewe o-ouw desiwe is got without content. -'Tis safew to be *sweats* that which we d-destwoy -*notices bulge* Than ^w^ by destwuction dweww in doubtfuw *giggles shyly* joy. - -Entew Macbeth. - -H-How nyow, my wowd? Why do you keep *sweats* awonye, -Of sowwiest fancies youw companyions making, -Using those *hugs tightly* thoughts which shouwd indeed have died -With them they think on? Things without aww *sweats* wemedy -Shouwd be without wegawd. What's donye is donye. -MACBETH. We have s-scotch'd the snyake, nyot kiww'd it. -She'ww cwose and be hewsewf, whiwst o-ouw poow mawice -^.^ Wemains in d-dangew of h-hew f-fowmew tooth. -But wet the fwame of things >w< disjoint, b-both the wowwds suffew, -Ewe we wiww *cries* eat o-ouw meaw in feaw and sweep -In the uWu affwiction of these x3 tewwibwe dweams -*teleports behind you* That s-shake us nyightwy. Bettew be *pokes you* with the dead, -Whom w-we, to gain o-ouw peace, have OwO sent to peace, -*notices bulge* Than *teleports behind you* on the towtuwe of the mind to wie -In westwess e-ecstasy. Duncan is in his gwave; -Aftew wife's fitfuw fevew he sweeps weww. -Tweason has donye his *screams* wowst; n-nyow steew, n-nyow :3 poison, -Mawice domestic, foweign *hugs tightly* wevy, nyothing, -C-Can touch him fuwthew. -WADY MACBETH. Come on, -Gentwe my wowd, sweek o'ew youw wugged wooks; -Be bwight and joviaw among youw guests t-tonyight. -MACBETH. So shaww I, wove, and so, I pway, be you. -Wet youw wemembwance a-appwy to Banquo; -P-Pwesent him eminyence, b-both *pokes you* with eye and tongue: -Unsafe the w-whiwe, *sweats* that we -M-Must l-wave o-ouw honyows in these *cuddles you* fwattewing stweams, -And make o-ouw faces vizawds to o-ouw heawts, -Disguising w-what they awe. -WADY MACBETH. Y-You must weave this. -MACBETH. O, fuww of UwU scowpions is my *leans over* mind, deaw wife! -*moans* Thou knyow'st *sweats* that Banquo and his Fweance wives. -WADY MACBETH. But in them nyatuwe's copy's nyot etewnye. -MACBETH. >_> Thewe's comfowt *twerks* yet; they awe assaiwabwe. -T-Then be thou jocund. Ewe the bat hath fwown -His cwoistew'd fwight, ewe to bwack H-Hecate's summons -The shawd-bownye beetwe *pokes you* with his *pokes you* dwowsy hums -Hath wung nyight's yawnying peaw, thewe shaww be donye -A deed of dweadfuw nyote. -WADY MACBETH. What's to be donye? -MACBETH. Be *blushes* innyocent of the k-knyowwedge, deawest chuck, -Tiww thou appwaud the deed. Come, seewing nyight, -Scawf up the tendew eye of pitifuw day, -And *pokes you* with t-thy bwoody and invisibwe h-hand -Cancew and teaw to pieces *sweats* that gweat bond -Which keeps me pawe! Wight thickens, and the cwow -Makes w-wing to the wooky wood; -Good things of day begin to dwoop and dwowse, -Whiwes nyight's bwack *looks away* agents to t-theiw p-pweys do wouse. -*moans* Thou *pokes you* mawvew'st at my wowds, xDD but howd thee stiww: -Things UwU bad begun make stwong themsewves ^w^ by i-iww. ->_> So, pwithee, go *pokes you* with me. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A pawk nyeaw the pawace. - -Entew thwee M-Muwthewews. - -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. But w-who did bid thee join *pokes you* with us? -T-THIWD *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Macbeth. -SECOND *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. He ;;w;; nyeeds nyot o-ouw *moans* mistwust, s-since he d-dewivews -Ouw *leans over* offices and w-what we have to do -To the diwection just. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. T-Then *looks at you* stand *pokes you* with us. -The west yet gwimmews *pokes you* with *blushes* some stweaks of day; ->_> Nyow spuws the wated twavewew a-apace -To gain the timewy inn, and nyeaw appwoaches -The subject of o-ouw watch. -T-THIWD *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Hawk! I heaw howses. -BANQUO. [Within.] Give us a wight thewe, ho! -SECOND *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. T-Then 'tis he; the west -*teleports behind you* That awe within the *pokes you* nyote of e-expectation -Awweady awe i-i' the couwt. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. His h-howses go about. -T-THIWD *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. A-Awmost a m-miwe, xDD but he does usuawwy- -So aww men do -fwom hence to the pawace gate -Make *moans* it t-theiw wawk. -SECOND *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. A >w< wight, a wight! - -Entew Banquo, and Fweance *pokes you* with a towch. - -T-THIWD *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. 'Tis he. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Stand to't. -BANQUO. It wiww be wain t-tonyight. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Wet *moans* it come :33 down. -They set upon Banquo. -BANQUO. O, tweachewy! Fwy, good *leans over* Fweance, fwy, fwy, fwy! -*moans* Thou m-mayst wevenge. O swave! Dies. Fweance escapes. -T-THIWD *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Who did stwike out the wight? -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Wast nyot the way? -T-THIWD *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. >_> Thewe's xDD but onye down; the son is fwed. -SECOND *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. We have wost -Best h-hawf of o-ouw affaiw. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. *sighs* Weww, wet's away and say how much is donye. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -A Haww in the pawace. A banquet pwepawed. - -Entew Macbeth, L-Wady Macbeth, Woss, Wennyox, Wowds, and Attendants. - -MACBETH. Y-You knyow youw own d-degwees; sit :33 down. At f-fiwst -And wast the heawty wewcome. -WOWDS. Thanks to youw Majesty. -MACBETH. Ouwsewf wiww *screams* mingwe *pokes you* with society -And pway the humbwe host. -Ouw hostess keeps h-hew state, xDD but in best time -We wiww wequiwe h-hew wewcome. -WADY MACBETH. Pwonyounce *moans* it fow me, siw, to aww o-ouw fwiends, -F-Fow my heawt speaks they awe wewcome. - -Entew f-fiwst Muwthewew to the doow. - -MACBETH. See, they encountew thee *pokes you* with t-theiw heawts' thanks. -^w^ Both sides awe even; x3 hewe I'ww sit i-i' the midst. -Be l-wawge in :3 miwth; anyon we'ww ^-^ dwink a measuwe -The tabwe wound. [Appwoaches the doow.] >_> Thewe's b-bwood upon t-thy -face. -*sighs* MUWTHEWEW. 'Tis Banquo's UwU then. -MACBETH. 'Tis bettew thee without than he *looks at you* within. -*looks at you* Is he dispatch'd? -*sighs* MUWTHEWEW. My wowd, his thwoat is cut; *sweats* that I did fow him. -MACBETH. *moans* Thou awt the best o' the cut-thwoats! Y-Yet he's good -*teleports behind you* That did the wike fow *hugs tightly* Fweance. If thou didst it, -*moans* Thou awt the nyonpaweiw. -*sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Most woyaw siw, -Fweance is *pokes you* 'scaped. -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] T-Then c-comes my fit again. I h-had e-ewse been pewfect, -Whowe as the mawbwe, founded as the r-wock, -As b-bwoad and *screams* genyewaw as the casing aiw; -But n-nyow I am *twerks* cabin'd, cwibb'd, confin'd, bound in -To saucy uWu doubts and feaws ---But Banquo's safe? -*sighs* MUWTHEWEW. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. Safe in a ditch he bides, -With twenty *twerks* twenched gashes *teleports behind you* on his head, -The *notices bulge* weast a death to nyatuwe. -MACBETH. Thanks fow that. -*cries* Thewe the g-gwown *sweats* sewpent wies; the *hugs tightly* wowm that's OwO fwed -Hath nyatuwe *sweats* that in time wiww venyom b-bweed, -Nyo teeth fow the pwesent. Get thee gonye. Tomowwow -We'ww heaw ouwsewves again. -Exit Muwthewew. -WADY MACBETH. My woyaw wowd, -Y-You do nyot give the *leans over* cheew. The feast is sowd -*teleports behind you* That is nyot *looks away* often vouch'd, whiwe 'tis amaking, -'Tis given *pokes you* with wewcome. To feed wewe best at home; -Fwom thence the sauce to meat is c-cewemony; -Meeting wewe bawe without it. -MACBETH. Sweet *looks at you* wemembwancew! ->_> Nyow good digestion *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on appetite, -And heawth *teleports behind you* on both! -WENNyOX. May't pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess sit. - -The Ghost of Banquo e-entews and sits in Macbeth's pwace. - -MACBETH. Hewe h-had we n-nyow o-ouw countwy's h-honyow ^-^ woof'd, -Wewe the gwaced pewson of o-ouw Banquo pwesent, -Who may I wathew chawwenge fow unkindnyess -*notices bulge* Than pity fow mischance! -WOSS. His absence, siw, -Ways bwame upon his pwomise. Pwease't youw *sweats* Highnyess -To gwace us *pokes you* with youw woyaw company? -MACBETH. The tabwe's fuww. -WENNyOX. Hewe is a pwace wesewved, siw. -MACBETH. *notices bulge* Whewe? -WENNyOX. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my good l-wowd. What is't *sweats* that moves youw Highnyess? -MACBETH. Which of you have donye *sweats* this? -WOWDS. What, my good wowd? -MACBETH. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot say I did it; nyevew s-shake -Thy gowy wocks at me. -WOSS. Gentwemen, wise; his *sweats* Highnyess is weww. -WADY MACBETH. Sit, wowthy f-fwiends; my *hugs tightly* wowd is *looks away* often :3 thus, -And hath been fwom his y-youth. *twerks* Pway y-you, keep seat. -The fit is momentawy; upon a thought -He wiww ;;w;; again be weww. If much you *pokes you* nyote him, -Y-You shaww offend him and extend his *screams* passion. -Feed, and wegawd him *leans over* nyot-Awe you a man? -MACBETH. :33 Ay, and a bowd ^.^ onye, *sweats* that dawe wook *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that -Which might *cuddles you* appaw the deviw. -WADY MACBETH. O pwopew stuff! -This is the vewy painting of youw feaw; -This is the aiw-dwawn daggew which you s-said -L-Wed you to Duncan. O, these fwaws and stawts, -I-Impostows to twue feaw, ^.^ wouwd weww become -A woman's *leans over* stowy at a *shuffles closer* wintew's fiwe, -Authowized ^w^ by h-hew gwandam. Shame itsewf! -Why do you make such faces? When aww's donye, -Y-You wook xDD but *teleports behind you* on a ^.^ stoow. -MACBETH. Pwithee, see thewe! *screams* Behowd! Wook! Wo! H-How say you? -W-Why, w-what OwO cawe I? If thou ;;w;; canst nyod, speak too. -If chawnyew houses and o-ouw gwaves must send -Those *sweats* that we buwy back, o-ouw monyuments -Shaww be the maws of kites. Exit Ghost. -WADY MACBETH. What, q-quite unmann'd in fowwy? -MACBETH. If I *looks at you* stand hewe, I *moans* saw him. -WADY MACBETH. Fie, fow ^-^ shame! -MACBETH. Bwood hath been shed ewe nyow, i-i' the owden time, -Ewe humanye statute puwged the g-gentwe weaw; -:33 Ay, and s-since too, muwthews have been pewfowm'd -Too x3 tewwibwe fow the eaw. The time has been, -That, when the xDD bwains wewe *pokes you* out, the man ^.^ wouwd die, -And thewe an *teleports behind you* end; xDD but n-nyow they wise again, -With twenty mowtaw muwthews *teleports behind you* on t-theiw *moans* cwowns, -And OwO push us fwom o-ouw stoows. This is mowe stwange -*notices bulge* Than such a muwthew is. -WADY MACBETH. My wowthy wowd, -Youw nyobwe fwiends do wack you. -MACBETH. I do *cuddles you* fowget. -Do nyot muse at me, my most wowthy xDD fwiends. -I have a stwange i-infiwmity, which is nyothing -To those *sweats* that knyow me. Come, wove and heawth to aww; -T-Then I'ww sit :33 down. Give me *blushes* some *leans over* winye, fiww fuww. -I ^-^ dwink to the *screams* genyewaw joy o' the whowe tabwe, -And to o-ouw deaw fwiend Banquo, whom we :3 miss. -Wouwd he wewe hewe! To aww and him we thiwst, -And aww to aww. -WOWDS. Ouw duties and the pwedge. - -We-entew Ghost. - -MACBETH. Avaunt, and *teleports behind you* quit my sight! Wet the eawth hide thee! -Thy b-bonyes awe mawwowwess, t-thy b-bwood is c-cowd; -*moans* Thou hast nyo specuwation in those eyes -Which thou dost gwawe with. -WADY MACBETH. Think of t-this, good peews, -But as a thing of custom. 'Tis nyo othew, -Onwy *moans* it spoiws the pweasuwe of the time. -MACBETH. What man OwO dawe, I d-dawe. -*cries* Appwoach thou wike the wugged Wussian *looks away* beaw, -The awm'd whinyocewos, *blushes* ow the Hywcan tigew; -Take any shape xDD but that, and my fiwm nyewves -Shaww nyevew twembwe. Ow be awive again, -And dawe me to the desewt *pokes you* with t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -If twembwing I inhabit then, pwotest me -The baby of a giww. Hence, howwibwe shadow! -Unweaw *looks at you* mockewy, hence! Exit Ghost. -W-Why, so, being :3 gonye, -I am a man again. *twerks* Pway you sit stiww. -WADY MACBETH. Y-You have dispwaced the miwth, b-bwoke the good meeting, -With most :3 admiwed disowdew. -MACBETH. C-Can such things be, -And ovewcome us wike a summew's c-cwoud, -Without o-ouw speciaw wondew? Y-You make me stwange -Even to the disposition *sweats* that I owe -When n-nyow I think you can behowd such uWu sights -And keep the n-nyatuwaw r-wuby of youw cheeks -When minye is bwanch'd *pokes you* with *pokes you* feaw. -WOSS. What sights, my wowd? -WADY MACBETH. I pway y-you, speak nyot; he gwows wowse and w-wowse; -*pokes you* Question ^w^ enwages him. At o-once, good nyight. -Stand nyot upon the owdew of youw ^w^ going, -But go at once. -WENNyOX. Good nyight, and bettew heawth -Attend his Majesty! -WADY MACBETH. A k-kind good nyight to a-aww! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Macbeth and L-Wady Macbeth. -MACBETH. wiww have bwood; they say b-bwood wiww have bwood. -Stonyes have been *teleports behind you* knyown to move and twees to speak; -Auguwes and u-undewstood wewations have -By maggot pies and choughs and r-wooks >w< bwought f-fowth -The secwet'st man of bwood. What is the nyight? -WADY MACBETH. A-Awmost at odds *pokes you* with *teleports behind you* mownying, which is *screams* which. -MACBETH. H-How say'st thou, *sweats* that M-Macduff *notices bulge* denyies his pewson -At o-ouw gweat bidding? -WADY MACBETH. *sweats* Did you send to him, s-siw? -MACBETH. I heaw *moans* it ^w^ by the way, xDD but I wiww s-send. ->_> Thewe's nyot a onye of them xDD but in his h-house -I keep a sewvant uWu feed. I wiww tomowwow, -And *looks away* betimes I wiww, to the weiwd sistews. -Mowe shaww they speak; fow n-nyow I am bent to knyow, -By the *sweats* wowst UwU means, the wowst. F-Fow minye own good -Aww c-causes shaww give way. I am in b-bwood -*moans* Stepp'd in so faw that, shouwd I wade nyo mowe, -R-Wetuwnying wewe as tedious as go o'ew. -*teleports behind you* Stwange things I have in *sweats* head *sweats* that wiww to hand, -Which must be acted ewe they may be scann'd. -WADY MACBETH. Y-You wack the season of aww nyatuwes, s-sweep. -MACBETH. Come, we'ww to s-sweep. My stwange and sewf-abuse -*looks at you* Is the inyitiate feaw *sweats* that wants hawd use. -We awe yet xDD but young in deed. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -A heath. uWu Thundew. - -Entew the thwee Witches, meeting Hecate. - -FIWST WITCH. W-Why, how nyow, *cuddles you* Hecate? Y-You wook angewwy. -HECATE. Have I nyot weason, bewdams as you awe, -Saucy and o-ovewbowd? H-How did you dawe -To twade and twaffic *pokes you* with Macbeth -In widdwes and affaiws of death, -And I, the *notices bulge* mistwess of youw chawms, -The cwose c-contwivew of aww hawms, -*hugs tightly* Was nyevew c-caww'd to beaw my pawt, -Ow show the gwowy of o-ouw awt? -And, which is w-wowse, aww you have donye -Hath been xDD but fow a waywawd son, -*shuffles closer* Spitefuw and wwathfuw, who, as o-othews do, -:3 Woves fow his own ends, nyot fow you. -But make amends nyow. Get you :3 gonye, -And at the pit of Achewon -Meet me i-i' the *pokes you* mownying. Thithew he -Wiww come to knyow his destiny. -Youw uWu vessews and youw *shuffles closer* spewws *looks at you* pwovide, -Youw chawms and evewything beside. -I am fow the aiw; this nyight I'ww spend -Unto a dismaw and a fataw end. -G-Gweat businyess must be wwought ewe nyoon: -^-^ Upon the cownyew of the moon -*cries* Thewe >_> hangs a vapowous dwop pwofound; -I'ww c-catch *moans* it ewe *moans* it come to gwound. -And *sweats* that distiww'd ^w^ by magic sweights -Shaww waise such awtificiaw spwites -As ^w^ by the stwength of t-theiw iwwusion -Shaww dwaw him *teleports behind you* on to his confusion. -He shaww spuwn fate, s-scown death, and beaw -His hopes 'bove wisdom, gwace, and *pokes you* feaw. -And you aww knyow ^-^ secuwity -*looks at you* Is mowtaws' chiefest enyemy. -Music and a song within, -"-"Come away, come away." -Hawk! I am caww'd; my wittwe spiwit, see, -*cries* Sits in a foggy cwoud and stays fow me. *sweats* Exit. -FIWST WITCH. Come, wet's make haste; *hugs tightly* she'ww soon be back again. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE VI. -uWu Fowwes. The pawace. - -Entew L-Wennyox and anyothew Wowd. - -WENNyOX. My f-fowmew speeches have xDD but hit youw thoughts, -Which can i-intewpwet f-fawthew; onwy I say -Thing's have been s-stwangewy *notices bulge* bownye. The g-gwacious Duncan -*hugs tightly* Was pitied of xDD Macbeth; m-mawwy, he was dead. -And the wight vawiant Banquo wawk'd too wate, -Whom, you may say, if't pwease y-you, Fweance kiww'd, -F-Fow Fweance fwed. Men must nyot wawk too wate. -Who cannyot want the thought, how monstwous -It was fow Mawcowm and fow Donyawbain -To kiww t-theiw g-gwacious fathew? Damnyed fact! -H-How *moans* it did gwieve Macbeth! *sweats* Did he nyot ;;w;; stwaight, -In pious wage, the xDD two dewinquents teaw -*teleports behind you* That wewe the swaves of ^-^ dwink and thwawws of *shuffles closer* sweep? -*hugs tightly* Was nyot *sweats* that nyobwy donye? :33 Ay, and wisewy too, -F-Fow 'twouwd have angew'd any heawt awive -To heaw the men deny't. So that, I say, -He has bownye aww things weww; and I do think -That, h-had he Duncan's sons undew his key- -As, an't pwease heaven, he shaww nyot -they shouwd find -What 'twewe to kiww a f-fathew; so shouwd *hugs tightly* Fweance. -But, peace! F-Fow fwom b-bwoad wowds, and >w< 'cause he faiw'd -His :33 pwesence at the tywant's feast, I heaw, -M-Macduff wives in disgwace. Siw, can you teww -Whewe he b-bestows himsewf? -WOWD. The son of Duncan, -Fwom whom this tywant howds the due of biwth, -L-Wives in the Engwish couwt and is r-weceived -Of the most pious Edwawd *pokes you* with such gwace -*teleports behind you* That the mawevowence of fowtunye nyothing -Takes fwom his ^.^ high wespect. Thithew M-Macduff -*looks at you* Is g-gonye to pway the howy King, upon his aid -To wake Nyowthumbewwand and wawwike Siwawd; -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by the hewp of these, *pokes you* with Him a-above -To watify the wowk, we may ;;w;; again -Give to o-ouw tabwes meat, sweep to o-ouw nyights, -Fwee fwom o-ouw feasts and banquets bwoody knyives, -Do >_> faithfuw homage, and weceive fwee honyows- -Aww which we p-pinye fow nyow. And this wepowt -Hath so exaspewate the King *sweats* that he -*moans* Pwepawes fow *blushes* some attempt of waw. -WENNyOX. *pokes you* Sent he to Macduff? -WOWD. He did, and *pokes you* with an absowute "Siw, nyot I," -The cwoudy m-messengew tuwns me his back, -And hums, as w-who shouwd say, *pokes you* "You'ww wue the time -*teleports behind you* That cwogs me *pokes you* with this answew." -WENNyOX. And *sweats* that weww might -Advise him to a caution, to howd w-what distance -His wisdom can pwovide. Some howy a-angew -Fwy to the couwt of Engwand and u-unfowd -His message ewe he come, *sweats* that a swift bwessing -May soon r-wetuwn to this o-ouw suffewing *looks at you* countwy -Undew a h-hand accuwsed! -WOWD. I'ww send my pwayews *pokes you* with him. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -A cavewn. In the ^w^ middwe, a boiwing cauwdwon. uWu Thundew. - -Entew the thwee Witches. -FIWST WITCH. Thwice the bwinded ;;w;; cat hath mew'd. -SECOND WITCH. Thwice and once the hedge-pig w-whinyed. -T-THIWD WITCH. Hawpiew cwies, "-"'Tis time, 'tis time." -FIWST WITCH. Wound a-about the cauwdwon go; -In the p-poison'd entwaiws thwow. -uWu Toad, *sweats* that undew cowd stonye -Days and nyights has :3 thiwty-onye -Swewtew'd venyom sweeping g-got, -Boiw thou f-fiwst i-i' the chawmed pot. -AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, *shuffles closer* toiw and twoubwe; -Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. -SECOND WITCH. Fiwwet of a fenny snyake, -In the cauwdwon boiw and bake; -Eye of nyewt and toe of fwog, -Woow of bat and t-tongue of d-dog, -Addew's f-fowk and bwind-wowm's sting, -Wizawd's weg and h-howwet's wing, -F-Fow a chawm of powewfuw t-twoubwe, -Wike a heww-bwoth boiw and bubbwe. -AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, *shuffles closer* toiw and twoubwe; -Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. -T-THIWD WITCH. S-Scawe of *sighs* dwagon, t-tooth of w-wowf, -Witch's *cuddles you* mummy, maw and *blushes* guwf -Of the UwU wavin'd sawt-sea shawk, -Woot of hemwock digg'd i-i' the dawk, -Wivew of bwaspheming Jew, -Gaww of goat and swips of yew -S-Swivew'd in the moon's ecwipse, -Nyose of Tuwk and Tawtaw's wips, -Fingew of b-biwth-stwangwed babe -Ditch-dewivew'd ^w^ by a dwab, -Make the gwuew thick and swab. -Add theweto a tigew's chawdwon, -F-Fow the ingwedients of o-ouw c-cawdwon. -AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, *shuffles closer* toiw and twoubwe; -Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. -SECOND WITCH. Coow *moans* it *pokes you* with a baboon's b-bwood, -T-Then the chawm is fiwm and good. - -Entew H-Hecate to the othew thwee Witches. - -HECATE. O, weww donye! I commend youw pains, -And evewyonye shaww shawe i-i' the gains. -And n-nyow a-about the cauwdwon sing, -Wike ewves and faiwies in a wing, -Enchanting aww *sweats* that you p-put i-in. -Music and a song, "Bwack spiwits." -H-Hecate wetiwes. -SECOND WITCH. By the pwicking of my thumbs, ->_> Something wicked this way c-comes. -Open, *leans over* wocks, -Whoevew knyocks! - -Entew Macbeth. - -MACBETH. H-How nyow, you secwet, bwack, and midnyight x3 hags? -What is't you do? -AWW. A deed without a nyame. -MACBETH. I conjuwe y-you, ^w^ by *sweats* that which you pwofess -(Howeew you come to knyow it) *sighs* answew me: -Though you untie the w-winds and wet them fight -Against the c-chuwches, *sighs* though the y-yesty waves -C-Confound and swawwow nyavigation up, -Though bwaded cown be wodged and twees bwown *giggles shyly* down, -Though castwes toppwe *teleports behind you* on t-theiw wawdews' :3 heads, -Though pawaces and pywamids do swope -T-Theiw :33 heads to t-theiw foundations, *sighs* though the tweasuwe -Of nyatuwe's gewmainyes tumbwe aww togethew -Even tiww destwuction *leans over* sicken, *sighs* answew me -To w-what I ask you. -FIWST WITCH. Speak. -SECOND WITCH. Demand. -T-THIWD WITCH. We'ww answew. -FIWST WITCH. Say, if thou'dst wathew heaw *moans* it fwom o-ouw mouths, -Ow fwom o-ouw mastews'? -MACBETH. Caww 'em, wet me see 'em. -FIWST WITCH. Pouw in sow's b-bwood *sweats* that hath eaten -Hew nyinye fawwow; gwease that's sweaten -Fwom the muwthewew's gibbet thwow -Into the fwame. -AWW. Come, ^.^ high *blushes* ow l-wow; -T-Thysewf and office deftwy show! - -uWu Thundew. Fiwst Appawition: an awmed Head. - -MACBETH. Teww me, thou unknyown powew- -FIWST WITCH. He *looks away* knyows t-thy thought: -Heaw his speech, xDD but say thou nyought. -FIWST APPAWITION. Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! Bewawe uWu Macduff, -Bewawe the Thanye of Fife. Dismiss me. Enyough. -:3 Descends. -MACBETH. Whate'ew thou awt, fow t-thy good caution, thanks; -*moans* Thou hast hawp'd my feaw awight. But onye wowd mowe- -FIWST WITCH. He wiww nyot be *cries* commanded. H-Hewe's anyothew, -Mowe potent than the fiwst. - -uWu Thundew. Second Appawition: a bwoody *looks away* Chiwd. - -SECOND APPAWITION. Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! -MACBETH. Had I thwee :3 eaws, I'd heaw thee. -SECOND APPAWITION. Be bwoody, b-bowd, and uWu wesowute: *looks at you* waugh to s-scown -The *cries* powew of m-man, fow nyonye of woman bown -Shaww hawm Macbeth. :3 Descends. -MACBETH. T-Then *teleports behind you* wive, M-Macduff. What nyeed I feaw of *moans* thee? -But yet I'ww make *sweats* assuwance doubwe suwe, -And take a bond of fate: thou shawt nyot *teleports behind you* wive, -*teleports behind you* That I may teww pawe-heawted feaw *moans* it wies, -And sweep in ^w^ spite of thundew. - -uWu Thundew. ^.^ Thiwd Appawition: a Chiwd cwownyed, -*pokes you* with a twee in his hand. - -What is t-this, -*teleports behind you* That wises wike the issue of a king, -And weaws upon his baby b-bwow the wound -And t-top of soveweignty? -AWW. Wisten, xDD but speak nyot to't. -T-THIWD APPAWITION. Be wion-mettwed, pwoud, and take nyo OwO cawe -Who chafes, w-who fwets, *blushes* ow whewe conspiwews awe. -Macbeth shaww nyevew vanquish'd be u-untiw -G-Gweat B-Biwnyam Wood to ^.^ high *teleports behind you* Dunsinyanye *blushes* Hiww -Shaww come against him. :3 Descends. -MACBETH. *teleports behind you* That wiww nyevew be. -Who can impwess the fowest, bid the twee -Unfix his e-eawth-bound :3 woot? Sweet bodements, uWu good! -Webewwion's head, wise nyevew tiww the Wood -Of B-Biwnyam wise, and o-ouw high-pwaced Macbeth -Shaww wive the wease of nyatuwe, p-pay his >_< bweath -To time and mowtaw custom. Y-Yet my heawt -Thwobs to knyow onye t-thing: teww me, if youw awt -C-Can teww so *twerks* much, shaww Banquo's issue *giggles shyly* evew -Weign in this kingdom? -AWW. Seek to knyow nyo mowe. -MACBETH. I wiww be satisfied! Deny me t-this, -And an etewnyaw cuwse faww *teleports behind you* on y-you! Wet me knyow. -Why sinks *sweats* that cauwdwon, and w-what nyoise is *sweats* this? -Hautboys. -FIWST WITCH. Show! -SECOND WITCH. Show! -THIWD. WITCH. Show! -AWW. Show his e-eyes, and gwieve his heawt; -Come wike shadows, so depawt! - -A show of eight Kings, the wast *pokes you* with a gwass in his hand; -Banquo's Ghost fowwowing. - -MACBETH. *moans* Thou awe too wike the spiwit of Banquo Down! -Thy cwown does seaw minye eyebawws. And t-thy haiw, -*moans* Thou othew g-gowd-bound bwow, is wike the fiwst. -A thiwd is wike the *screams* fowmew. *screams* Fiwthy hags! -Why do you show me *sweats* this? A fouwth! *looks away* Stawt, *screams* eyes! -What, wiww the xDD winye stwetch out to the cwack of doom? -Anyothew yet! A seventh! I'ww see nyo mowe! -And yet the eighth appeaws, w-who beaws a gwass -Which shows me many *looks away* mowe; and *blushes* some I see -*teleports behind you* That twofowd bawws and twebwe :3 sceptwes cawwy. ->_> Howwibwe sight! >_> Nyow I see 'tis *shuffles closer* twue; -F-Fow the bwood-bowtew'd Banquo smiwes upon me, -And points at them fow his. What, is this *moans* so? -FIWST WITCH. :33 Ay, siw, aww this is so. But why -*notices bulge* Stands Macbeth t-thus amazedwy? -Come,sistews, cheew we up his spwites, -And show the best of o-ouw dewights. -I'ww chawm the a-aiw to give a ;;w;; sound, -Whiwe you pewfowm youw *pokes you* antic wound, -*teleports behind you* That this gweat King may *blushes* kindwy say -Ouw duties did his wewcome pay. -Music. The Witches dance and -then >w< vanyish *pokes you* with Hecate. -MACBETH. awe they? Gonye? Wet this pewnyicious houw -Stand ay accuwsed in the cawendaw! -Come in, without thewe! - -Entew Wennyox. - -WENNyOX. What's youw G-Gwace's wiww? -MACBETH. Saw you the weiwd s-sistews? -WENNyOX. N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -MACBETH. *teleports behind you* Came they nyot ^w^ by you? -WENNyOX. Nyo indeed, my l-wowd. -MACBETH. Infected be the 'aiw wheweon they wide, -And d-damn'd aww those *sweats* that twust them! I did heaw -The gawwoping of howse. Who wast came b-by? -WENNyOX. 'Tis xDD two *blushes* ow thwee, my wowd, *sweats* that b-bwing you wowd -M-Macduff is OwO fwed to Engwand. -MACBETH. Fwed to Engwand? -WENNyOX. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -MACBETH. [-[Aside.] Time, thou anticipatest my xDD dwead *blushes* expwoits. -The f-fwighty puwpose nyevew is o'ewtook -*leans over* Unwess the deed go *pokes you* with it. Fwom this moment -The vewy fiwstwings of my heawt shaww be -The fiwstwings of my hand. And even nyow, -To cwown my *hugs tightly* thoughts *pokes you* with acts, be *moans* it thought and d-donye: -The castwe of M-Macduff I wiww suwpwise, -Seize upon Fife, give to the edge o' the swowd -His wife, his babes, and aww unfowtunyate s-souws -*teleports behind you* That *screams* twace him in his winye. Nyo boasting wike a foow; -This deed I'ww do befowe this puwpose coow. -But nyo mowe sights! -Whewe awe these gentwemen? -Come, b-bwing me whewe they awe. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -Fife. Macduff's castwe. - -Entew L-Wady uWu Macduff, h-hew Son, and Woss. - -WADY MACDUFF. What h-had he donye, to make him f-fwy the *notices bulge* wand? -WOSS. Y-You must have patience, madam. -WADY MACDUFF. He h-had nyonye; -His fwight was madnyess. When o-ouw a-actions do nyot, -Ouw feaws do make us twaitows. -WOSS. Y-You knyow nyot -Whethew *moans* it was his wisdom *blushes* ow his *pokes you* feaw. -WADY MACDUFF. Wisdom? To weave his wife, to weave his babes, -His mansion, and his t-titwes, in a pwace -Fwom whence himsewf does fwy? He woves us nyot; -He wants the n-nyatuwaw OwO touch; fow the poow w-wwen, -The most d-diminyutive of biwds, wiww fight, -Hew young onyes in h-hew nyest, against the oww. -Aww is the feaw and nyothing is the wove; -As wittwe is the wisdom, whewe the fwight -So wuns against aww r-weason. -WOSS. My deawest coz, -I pway y-you, schoow youwsewf. But fow youw husband, -He is *looks at you* nyobwe, wise, Judicious, and best *looks away* knyows -The fits o' the season. I dawe nyot speak much f-fuwthew; -But *sighs* cwuew awe the times when we awe t-twaitows -And do nyot knyow ouwsewves; when we howd wumow -Fwom w-what we feaw, yet knyow nyot w-what we feaw, -But fwoat upon a w-wiwd and viowent *notices bulge* sea -Each way and move. I take my weave of you; -Shaww nyot be wong xDD but I'ww be x3 hewe again. -Things at the *sweats* wowst wiww c-cease *blushes* ow e-ewse cwimb >_> upwawd -To w-what they wewe befowe. My pwetty cousin, -B-Bwessing upon y-you! -WADY MACDUFF. Fathew'd he *screams* is, and yet he's *blushes* fathewwess. -WOSS. I am so much a foow, shouwd I >_< stay wongew, -It ^.^ wouwd be my *looks away* disgwace and youw discomfowt. -I take my weave at once. *sweats* Exit. -WADY MACDUFF. S-Siwwah, youw fathew's dead. -And w-what wiww you do nyow? H-How wiww you wive? -SON. As *sighs* biwds do, xDD Mothew. -WADY MACDUFF. What, *pokes you* with w-wowms and fwies? -SON. With w-what I get, I mean; and so do they. -WADY MACDUFF. Poow biwd! Thou'wdst nyevew feaw the *hugs tightly* nyet n-nyow wime, -The pitfaww n-nyow the g-gin. -SON. Why shouwd I, Mothew? Poow *sighs* biwds they awe nyot set *shuffles closer* fow. -My fathew is nyot dead, fow aww youw saying. -WADY MACDUFF. Yes, he is dead. H-How wiwt thou do fow fathew? -SON. Nyay, how wiww you do fow a h-husband? -WADY MACDUFF. W-Why, I can b-buy me twenty at any mawket. -SON. T-Then y-you'ww b-buy 'em to *notices bulge* seww again. -WADY MACDUFF. *moans* Thou speak'st *pokes you* with aww t-thy wit, and yet, i-i' faith, -With wit enyough fow thee. -SON. *hugs tightly* Was my fathew a twaitow, Mothew? -WADY MACDUFF. :33 Ay, *sweats* that he w-was. -SON. What is a twaitow? -WADY MACDUFF. Why onye *sweats* that sweaws and wies. -SON. And be aww t-twaitows *sweats* that do *moans* so? -WADY MACDUFF. E-Evewyonye *sweats* that does so is a twaitow and must be -h-hanged. -SON. And must they aww be hanged *sweats* that sweaw and wie? -WADY MACDUFF. Evewyonye. -SON. Who must hang them? -WADY MACDUFF. W-Why, the honyest men. -SON. T-Then the wiaws and sweawews awe foows, fow thewe awe wiaws and -sweawews enyow to beat the honyest men and hang up them. -WADY MACDUFF. Nyow, OwO God hewp ^w^ thee, poow monkey! But how wiwt thou do -fow a fathew? -SON. If he wewe dead, you'wd weep fow :3 him; if you ^.^ wouwd nyot, *moans* it -wewe a good sign *sweats* that I shouwd quickwy have a nyew fathew. -WADY MACDUFF. Poow pwattwew, how thou tawk'st! - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -MESSENGEW. *notices bulge* Bwess y-you, *looks at you* faiw dame! I am nyot to you knyown, -Though in youw state of h-honyow I am pewfect. -I d-doubt *blushes* some d-dangew does appwoach you nyeawwy. -If you wiww take a homewy man's advice, -Be nyot ^w^ found h-hewe; hence, *pokes you* with youw wittwe onyes. -To fwight you :3 thus, methinks I am too savage; -To do wowse to you wewe feww cwuewty, -Which is too n-nyigh youw p-pewson. *pokes you* Heaven pwesewve y-you! -I dawe abide nyo *twerks* wongew. *sweats* Exit. -WADY MACDUFF. Whithew shouwd I fwy? -I have donye nyo OwO hawm. But I wemembew n-nyow -I am in this eawthwy wowwd, whewe to do hawm -*looks at you* Is *looks away* often *cries* waudabwe, to do good sometime -Accounted d-dangewous *sighs* fowwy. Why then, awas, -Do I p-put up *sweats* that w-womanwy >w< defense, -To say I have donye nyo hawm -What awe these faces? - -Entew M-Muwthewews. - -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. Whewe is youw h-husband? -WADY MACDUFF. I hope, in nyo pwace so unsanctified -Whewe such as thou m-mayst find him. -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. He's a *leans over* twaitow. -SON. *moans* Thou wiest, thou shag-eaw'd viwwain! -FIWST *sighs* MUWTHEWEW. What, you egg! -Stabs him. -Young fwy of tweachewy! -SON. He has kiww'd me, xDD Mothew. -Wun away, I pway y-you! Dies. -Exit L-Wady uWu Macduff, cwying "Muwthew!" -UwU Exeunt Muwthewews, fowwowing hew. - - - - -SCENyE III. -Engwand. B-Befowe the K-King's pawace. - -Entew Mawcowm and M-Macduff. - -MAWCOWM. Wet us seek out *blushes* some ;;w;; desowate shade and thewe -Weep o-ouw sad bosoms empty. -MACDUFF. Wet us wathew -H-Howd *looks away* fast the mowtaw swowd, and wike good men -B-Bestwide o-ouw downfaww'n biwthdom. Each nyew m-mown -Nyew widows howw, nyew owphans cwy, nyew sowwows -Stwike heaven *teleports behind you* on the face, *sweats* that *moans* it >_> wesounds -As if *moans* it fewt *pokes you* with Scotwand and yeww'd out -Wike s-sywwabwe of dowow. -MAWCOWM. What I bewieve, I'ww waww; -What knyow, bewieve; and w-what I can wedwess, -As I shaww find the time to f-fwiend, I wiww. -What you have spoke, *moans* it may be so *cries* pewchance. -This tywant, :33 whose sowe nyame *sweats* bwistews o-ouw t-tongues, -*hugs tightly* Was once thought :3 honyest. Y-You have woved him weww; -He hath nyot t-touch'd you yet. I am young, xDD but s-something -Y-You may desewve of him uWu thwough me, and wisdom -To *teleports behind you* offew up a weak, poow, *blushes* innyocent wamb -To appease an *cries* angwy god. -MACDUFF. I am nyot tweachewous. -MAWCOWM. But Macbeth is. -A good and viwtuous nyatuwe may wecoiw -In an impewiaw chawge. But I shaww c-cwave youw pawdon; -*teleports behind you* That which you awe, my *hugs tightly* thoughts cannyot twanspose. -*pokes you* Angews awe bwight stiww, *sighs* though the b-bwightest feww. -Though aww things f-fouw ^.^ wouwd weaw the bwows of gwace, -Y-Yet gwace must stiww wook so. -MACDUFF. I have wost my h-hopes. -MAWCOWM. Pewchance even thewe whewe I did find my doubts. -Why in *sweats* that wawnyess >w< weft you wife and chiwd, -Those p-pwecious motives, those stwong k-knyots of wove, -Without weave-taking? I pway y-you, -Wet nyot my jeawousies be youw *twerks* dishonyows, -But minye own safeties. Y-You may be wightwy just, -Whatevew I shaww think. -MACDUFF. Bweed, bweed, poow *shuffles closer* countwy! -G-Gweat tywanny, *looks at you* way thou t-thy *cries* basis suwe, -F-Fow goodnyess dawe nyot check thee. *screams* Weaw thou t-thy wwongs; -The titwe is affeew'd. Fawe thee weww, l-wowd. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot be the viwwain *sweats* that thou think'st -F-Fow the whowe space that's in the tywant's gwasp -And the wich E-East to :33 boot. -MAWCOWM. Be nyot offended; -I speak nyot as in absowute feaw of you. -I think o-ouw *looks at you* countwy sinks benyeath the y-yoke; -It weeps, *moans* it b-bweeds, and each nyew day a gash -*looks at you* Is x3 added to h-hew w-wounds. I think *shuffles closer* withaw -*cries* Thewe ^.^ wouwd be h-hands upwifted in my wight; -And x3 hewe fwom g-gwacious Engwand have I *teleports behind you* offew -Of g-goodwy thousands. But fow aww t-this, -When I shaww twead upon the tywant's head, -Ow weaw *moans* it *teleports behind you* on my swowd, yet my poow *looks at you* countwy -Shaww have mowe vices than *moans* it h-had befowe, -Mowe suffew and mowe sundwy ways than *looks away* evew, -By him *sweats* that shaww succeed. -MACDUFF. What shouwd he b-be? -MAWCOWM. It is m-mysewf I mean, in whom I knyow -Aww the *cries* pawticuwaws of vice so gwafted -That, when they shaww be *sighs* open'd, bwack Macbeth -Wiww seem as puwe as snyow, and the poow state -Esteem him as a wamb, being c-compawed -With my confinyewess hawms. -MACDUFF. Nyot in the l-wegions -Of howwid heww can come a deviw mowe d-damn'd -In ^w^ eviws to t-top Macbeth. -MAWCOWM. I gwant him bwoody, -Wuxuwious, avawicious, fawse, deceitfuw, -Sudden, mawicious, smacking of evewy sin -*teleports behind you* That has a nyame. But thewe's nyo bottom, nyonye, -In my vowuptuousnyess. Youw :33 wives, youw daughtews, -Youw matwons, and youw *cuddles you* maids couwd nyot fiww up -The *teleports behind you* cestewn of my wust, and my desiwe -Aww continyent impediments ^.^ wouwd o'ewbeaw -*teleports behind you* That did o-oppose my wiww. Bettew Macbeth -*notices bulge* Than such an onye to r-weign. -MACDUFF. Boundwess intempewance -In nyatuwe is a tywanny; *moans* it hath been -The *leans over* untimewy emptying of the happy thwonye, -And faww of many kings. But feaw nyot yet -To take upon you w-what is youws. Y-You may -Convey youw pweasuwes in a spacious pwenty -And yet seem cowd, the time you may so *moans* hoodwink. -We have wiwwing dames enyough; thewe cannyot be -*teleports behind you* That vuwtuwe in you to devouw so many -As wiww to *notices bulge* gweatnyess d-dedicate themsewves, -Finding *moans* it so incwinyed. -MAWCOWM. With this thewe gwows -In my most iww-composed affection such -A stanchwess avawice that, wewe I King, -I shouwd cut off the ^w^ nyobwes fow t-theiw wands, -Desiwe his jewews and this othew's *notices bulge* house, -And my mowe-having ^.^ wouwd be as a sauce -To make me x3 hungew mowe, *sweats* that I shouwd fowge -Quawwews unjust against the good and woyaw, -Destwoying them fow weawth. -MACDUFF. This avawice -*looks at you* Sticks deepew, gwows *pokes you* with mowe pewnyicious UwU woot -*notices bulge* Than summew-seeming wust, and *moans* it hath been -The swowd of o-ouw s-swain kings. Y-Yet do nyot feaw; -Scotwand hath foisons to fiww up youw wiww -Of youw mewe own. Aww these awe ;;w;; powtabwe, -With othew *teleports behind you* gwaces weigh'd. -MAWCOWM. But I have >_< nyonye. The king-becoming gwaces, -As j-justice, v-vewity, tempewance, stabwenyess, -B-Bounty, pewsevewance, :3 mewcy, wowwinyess, -Devotion, patience, couwage, fowtitude, -I have nyo wewish of them, xDD but abound -In the division of each sevewaw cwime, -Acting *moans* it many w-ways. Nyay, h-had I powew, I shouwd -Pouw the sweet miwk of concowd into heww, -UwU Upwoaw the unyivewsaw peace, confound -Aww unyity *teleports behind you* on eawth. -MACDUFF. O S-Scotwand, Scotwand! -MAWCOWM. If such a onye be fit to g-govewn, speak. -I am as I have spoken. -MACDUFF. Fit to *sighs* govewn? -N-Nyo, nyot to l-wive. O n-nyation m-misewabwe! -With an untitwed tywant bwoody-sceptew'd, -When shawt thou see t-thy whowesome days again, -Since *sweats* that the twuest issue of t-thy thwonye -By his own intewdiction stands accuwsed -And does b-bwaspheme his bweed? Thy woyaw fathew -*hugs tightly* Was a most sainted king; the queen *sweats* that xDD bowe ^w^ thee, -Oftenyew upon h-hew knyees than *teleports behind you* on h-hew *hugs tightly* feet, -^.^ Died evewy day she l-wived. Fawe thee weww! -These ^w^ eviws thou wepeat'st upon thysewf -Have banyish'd me fwom Scotwand. O my bweast, -Thy hope e-ends hewe! -MAWCOWM. uWu Macduff, this nyobwe passion, -Chiwd of :33 integwity, hath fwom my souw -Wiped the bwack scwupwes, UwU weconciwed my *hugs tightly* thoughts -To t-thy good uWu twuth and honyow. Deviwish Macbeth -By many of these twains hath sought to win me -Into his powew, and modest wisdom pwucks me -Fwom ovew-cweduwous haste. But OwO God a-above -Deaw between thee and me! F-Fow even n-nyow -I p-put m-mysewf to t-thy diwection and -Unspeak minye own detwaction; x3 hewe abjuwe -The taints and bwames I waid upon *twerks* mysewf, -F-Fow stwangews to my nyatuwe. I am yet -Unknyown to woman, nyevew was fowswown, -Scawcewy have coveted w-what was minye o-own, -At nyo time b-bwoke my faith, ^.^ wouwd nyot betway -The deviw to his fewwow, and dewight -Nyo wess in uWu twuth than wife. My f-fiwst f-fawse speaking -*hugs tightly* Was this upon mysewf. What I am twuwy -*looks at you* Is thinye and my poow countwy's to *sweats* command. -Whithew indeed, befowe t-thy h-hewe-appwoach, -O-Owd Siwawd, *pokes you* with ten thousand wawwike men -Awweady at a point, was >_> setting fowth. ->_> Nyow we'ww togethew, and the chance of goodnyess -Be wike o-ouw wawwanted quawwew! Why awe you s-siwent? -MACDUFF. *screams* Such wewcome and unwewcome things at once -'Tis hawd to weconciwe. - -Entew a Doctow. - -MAWCOWM. *sighs* Weww, mowe anyon. Comes the King fowth, I pway you? -DOCTOW. :33 Ay, siw, thewe awe a cwew of wwetched s-souws -*teleports behind you* That >_< stay his *sweats* cuwe. T-Theiw mawady convinces -The gweat assay of awt, xDD but at his *sighs* touch, -*screams* Such sanctity hath heaven given his hand, -They p-pwesentwy amend. -MAWCOWM. I t-thank y-you, Doctow. Exit Doctow. -MACDUFF. What's the disease he means? -MAWCOWM. 'Tis c-caww'd the e-eviw: -A most miwacuwous wowk in this good King, -Which o-often, s-since my *screams* hewe-wemain in Engwand, -I have :33 seen him do. H-How he sowicits heaven, -Himsewf best knyows; xDD but stwangewy-visited peopwe, -Aww swow'n and uwcewous, pitifuw to the eye, -The mewe >_< despaiw of *cuddles you* suwgewy, he cuwes, -Hanging a gowden stamp a-about t-theiw nyecks -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with howy pwayews; and 'tis spoken, -To the succeeding woyawty he weaves -The h-heawing benyediction. With this stwange *hugs tightly* viwtue -He hath a heavenwy gift of pwophecy, -And sundwy bwessings hang a-about his thwonye -*teleports behind you* That speak him fuww of g-gwace. - -Entew Woss. - -MACDUFF. See, w-who c-comes hewe? -MAWCOWM. My c-countwyman, xDD but yet I knyow him nyot. -MACDUFF. My *giggles shyly* evew g-gentwe cousin, wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -MAWCOWM. I knyow him nyow. Good >_< God, *looks away* betimes wemove -The means *sweats* that makes us stwangews! -WOSS. Siw, amen. -MACDUFF. *notices bulge* Stands Scotwand whewe *moans* it did? -WOSS. A-Awas, poow countwy, -A-Awmost afwaid to knyow itsewf! It cannyot -Be c-caww'd o-ouw m-mothew, xDD but o-ouw gwave. Whewe nyothing, -But w-who *looks away* knyows nyothing, is once :33 seen to smiwe; -Whewe sighs and gwoans and s-shwieks *sweats* that wend the aiw, -Awe made, nyot mawk'd; whewe viowent sowwow seems -A modewn e-ecstasy. The dead man's knyeww -*looks at you* Is thewe x3 scawce ask'd fow who, and good men's wives -*blushes* Expiwe befowe the fwowews in t-theiw caps, -Dying *blushes* ow ewe they sicken. -MACDUFF. O, wewation -Too n-nyice, and yet too *notices bulge* twue! -MAWCOWM. What's the nyewest gwief? -WOSS. *teleports behind you* That of an houw's age doth :3 hiss the *cuddles you* speakew; -Each minyute *leans over* teems a nyew onye. -MACDUFF. H-How does my wife? -WOSS. W-Why, weww. -MACDUFF. And aww my chiwdwen? -WOSS. Weww too. -MACDUFF. The tywant has nyot battew'd at t-theiw peace? -WOSS. N-Nyo, they wewe weww at peace when I did weave 'em. -MACDUFF. Be nyot a nyiggawd of youw *looks at you* speech. H-How goest? -WOSS. When I came hithew to t-twanspowt the tidings, -Which I have heaviwy b-bownye, thewe wan a wumow -Of many wowthy f-fewwows *sweats* that wewe *pokes you* out, -Which was to my bewief ^-^ witnyess'd the wathew, -F-Fow *sweats* that I *moans* saw the tywant's *cries* powew afoot. ->_> Nyow is the time of h-hewp; youw eye in Scotwand -Wouwd c-cweate sowdiews, make o-ouw women fight, -To doff t-theiw diwe distwesses. -MAWCOWM. ;;w;; Be't t-theiw comfowt -We awe coming thithew. *notices bulge* Gwacious Engwand hath -Went us good Siwawd and ten thousand men; -*looks at you* An owdew and a bettew sowdiew nyonye -*teleports behind you* That Chwistendom gives ^w^ out. -WOSS. Wouwd I couwd *sighs* answew -This comfowt *pokes you* with the wike! But I have wowds -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd be howw'd out in the desewt aiw, -Whewe heawing shouwd nyot watch them. -MACDUFF. What c-concewn they? -The *screams* genyewaw cause? Ow is *moans* it a fee-gwief -Due to *blushes* some s-singwe b-bweast? -WOSS. Nyo mind that's honyest -But in *moans* it shawes *blushes* some woe, *sighs* though the *cries* main *cries* pawt -*blushes* Pewtains to you awonye. -MACDUFF. If *moans* it be minye, -Keep *moans* it nyot fwom me, quickwy wet me have it. -WOSS. Wet nyot youw eaws d-despise my t-tongue fowevew, -Which shaww possess them *pokes you* with the heaviest s-sound -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew yet they heawd. -MACDUFF. *cuddles you* Humh! I g-guess at it. -WOSS. Youw castwe is suwpwised; youw wife and babes -^w^ Savagewy swaughtew'd. To wewate the mannyew -Wewe, *teleports behind you* on the quawwy of these muwthew'd deew, -To add the death of you. -MAWCOWM. M-Mewcifuw heaven! -What, man! Nyeew puww youw hat upon youw bwows; -Give sowwow wowds. The g-gwief *sweats* that does nyot speak -Whispews the *notices bulge* o'ewfwaught h-heawt, and b-bids *moans* it bweak. -MACDUFF. My chiwdwen too? -WOSS. Wife, *screams* chiwdwen, sewvants, aww -*teleports behind you* That couwd be found. -MACDUFF. And I must be fwom thence! -My wife kiww'd too? -WOSS. I have said. -MAWCOWM. Be comfowted. -Wet's make us medicinyes of o-ouw gweat uWu wevenge, -To *notices bulge* cuwe this >_< deadwy gwief. -MACDUFF. He has nyo chiwdwen. Aww my pwetty onyes? -*sweats* Did you say aww? O h-heww-kite! Aww? -What, aww my pwetty c-chickens and t-theiw dam -At onye feww swoop? -MAWCOWM. Dispute *moans* it wike a *pokes you* man. -MACDUFF. I shaww do so, -But I must awso f-feew *moans* it as a *pokes you* man. -I cannyot xDD but wemembew such things wewe -*teleports behind you* That wewe most p-pwecious to me. *sweats* Did heaven wook on, -And ^.^ wouwd nyot take t-theiw pawt? Sinfuw uWu Macduff, -They wewe aww stwuck fow thee! N-Nyaught *sweats* that I am, -Nyot fow t-theiw own demewits, xDD but fow minye, -xDD Feww swaughtew *teleports behind you* on t-theiw souws. *pokes you* Heaven west them nyow! -MAWCOWM. Be this the whetstonye of youw *shuffles closer* swowd. Wet g-gwief -Convewt to UwU angew; bwunt nyot the h-heawt, *leans over* enwage it. -MACDUFF. O, I couwd pway the woman *pokes you* with minye eyes -And bwaggawt *pokes you* with my tongue! But, g-gentwe *hugs tightly* heavens, -Cut showt aww i-intewmission; fwont to fwont -Bwing thou this fiend of Scotwand and mysewf; -Within my x3 swowd's wength set :3 him; if he '-'scape, -*pokes you* Heaven f-fowgive him too! -MAWCOWM. This tunye goes m-manwy. -Come, go we to the K-King; o-ouw *cries* powew is r-weady, -Ouw wack is nyothing xDD but o-ouw >_< weave. Macbeth -*looks at you* Is wipe fow shaking, and the powews a-above -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on t-theiw instwuments. Weceive w-what cheew you may, -The nyight is wong *sweats* that nyevew finds the day. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -D-Dunsinyanye. Antewoom in the castwe. - -Entew a D-Doctow of Physic and a Waiting Gentwewoman. - -DOCTOW. I have xDD two nyights watched *pokes you* with y-you, xDD but can p-pewceive nyo -uWu twuth in youw wepowt. When was *moans* it she wast wawked? -GENTWEWOMAN. Since his Majesty went into the *shuffles closer* fiewd, have :33 seen h-hew -wise fwom h-hew bed, thwow h-hew nyightgown upon hew, unwock h-hew -cwoset, take f-fowth papew, fowd it, *looks away* wwite upon't, xDD wead it, -aftewwawds s-seaw it, and ;;w;; again r-wetuwn to bed; yet aww this whiwe -in a most *looks away* fast s-sweep. -DOCTOW. A gweat pewtuwbation in nyatuwe, to weceive at once the -b-benyefit of sweep and do the effects of watching! In this swumbewy -agitation, besides h-hew wawking and othew actuaw >_> pewfowmances, -what, at any time, have you h-heawd h-hew say? -GENTWEWOMAN. That, siw, which I wiww nyot wepowt aftew hew. -DOCTOW. Y-You may to me, and 'tis most meet you s-shouwd. -GENTWEWOMAN. *blushes* Nyeithew to you n-nyow anyonye, having nyo witnyess to -confiwm my *looks at you* speech. - -Entew L-Wady Macbeth *pokes you* with a *giggles shyly* tapew. - -Wo y-you, x3 hewe she comes! This is h-hew vewy guise, and, upon my -l-wife, *looks away* fast asweep. O-Obsewve hew; *looks at you* stand *sighs* cwose. -DOCTOW. H-How came she ^w^ by *sweats* that wight? -GENTWEWOMAN. W-Why, *moans* it stood ^w^ by hew. She has wight ^w^ by h-hew -continyuawwy; 'tis h-hew *sweats* command. -DOCTOW. Y-You see, h-hew eyes awe open. -GENTWEWOMAN. :33 Ay, xDD but t-theiw sense is shut. -DOCTOW. What is *moans* it she does nyow? Wook how she wubs h-hew h-hands. -GENTWEWOMAN. It is an accustomed action *pokes you* with hew, to seem t-thus -washing h-hew h-hands. I have *teleports behind you* knyown h-hew ^w^ continyue in this a x3 quawtew of -an houw. -WADY MACBETH. Y-Yet hewe's a spot. -DOCTOW. Hawk, she speaks! I wiww set down w-what c-comes fwom hew, to -satisfy my wemembwance the mowe stwongwy. -WADY MACBETH. Out, d-damnyed *sighs* spot! Out, I say! Onye- xDD two -why then 'tis -time to do't. Heww is muwky. Fie, my wowd, fie! A sowdiew, and -afeawd? What nyeed we feaw w-who *looks away* knyows it, when nyonye can *giggles shyly* caww o-ouw -*cries* powew to account? Y-Yet w-who ^.^ wouwd have thought the owd man to have -h-had so much b-bwood in him? -DOCTOW. Do you mawk that? -WADY MACBETH. The Thanye of F-Fife h-had a wife; whewe is she nyow? What, -wiww these h-hands nyeew be c-cwean? Nyo mowe o' that, my wowd, nyo mowe -o' that. Y-You maw aww *pokes you* with this stawting. -DOCTOW. Go to, go uWu to; you have *teleports behind you* knyown w-what you shouwd nyot. -GENTWEWOMAN. She has s-spoke w-what she shouwd nyot, I am suwe of that. -*pokes you* Heaven *looks away* knyows w-what she has k-knyown. -WADY MACBETH. H-Hewe's the smeww of the b-bwood stiww. Aww the pewfumes -of Awabia wiww nyot sweeten this wittwe hand. Oh, *screams* oh, oh! -DOCTOW. What a *pokes you* sigh is thewe! The heawt is sowewy chawged. -GENTWEWOMAN. I ^.^ wouwd nyot have such a heawt in my bosom fow the -dignyity of the whowe body. -DOCTOW. *sighs* Weww, weww, :33 weww- -GENTWEWOMAN. *twerks* Pway OwO God *moans* it be, siw. -DOCTOW. This disease is beyond my p-pwactice. Y-Yet I have *teleports behind you* knyown those -which have wawked in t-theiw sweep w-who have died *twerks* howiwy in t-theiw -beds. -WADY MACBETH. Wash youw uWu hands, p-put *teleports behind you* on youw n-nyightgown, wook nyot so -*teleports behind you* pawe. I teww you yet again, Banquo's buwied; he cannyot come out -o-on's gwave. -DOCTOW. Even *moans* so? -WADY MACBETH. To bed, to bed; thewe's knyocking at the g-gate. Come, -come, come, come, give me youw hand.What's donye cannyot be UwU undonye. -To bed, to bed, to *twerks* bed. -*sweats* Exit. -DOCTOW. Wiww she go n-nyow to >w< bed? -GENTWEWOMAN. Diwectwy. -DOCTOW. Fouw whispewings awe a-abwoad. Unnyatuwaw deeds -Do bweed unnyatuwaw twoubwes; *twerks* infected minds -To t-theiw d-deaf piwwows wiww dischawge t-theiw secwets. -Mowe ;;w;; nyeeds she the d-divinye than the physician. ->_< God, >_< God, f-fowgive us a-aww! Wook aftew hew; -Wemove fwom h-hew the means of aww annyoyance, -And stiww keep eyes upon hew. So good nyight. -My mind she has mated and a-amazed my s-sight. -I think, xDD but dawe nyot speak. -GENTWEWOMAN. Good nyight, good doctow. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -The *looks at you* countwy nyeaw D-Dunsinyanye. Dwum and cowows. - -Entew Menteith, Caithnyess, *shuffles closer* Angus, Wennyox, and Sowdiews. - -*cuddles you* MENTEITH. The Engwish *cries* powew is nyeaw, *looks away* wed *teleports behind you* on ^w^ by Mawcowm, -His uncwe Siwawd, and the good M-Macduff. -Wevenges buwn in them, fow t-theiw deaw c-causes -Wouwd to the bweeding and the g-gwim awawm -Excite the mowtified *pokes you* man. -ANGUS. Nyeaw B-Biwnyam Wood -Shaww we weww meet them; *sweats* that way awe they coming. -C-CAITHNyESS. Who *looks away* knyows if Donyawbain be *pokes you* with his b-bwothew? -WENNyOX. F-Fow >_< cewtain, siw, he is nyot; I have a f-fiwe -Of aww the gentwy. *cries* Thewe is ;;w;; Sewawd's son -And many u-unwough uWu youths *sweats* that even n-nyow -Pwotest t-theiw f-fiwst of manhood. -*cuddles you* MENTEITH. What does the t-tywant? -C-CAITHNyESS. G-Gweat *teleports behind you* Dunsinyanye he *shuffles closer* stwongwy fowtifies. -Some say he's mad; *blushes* othews, *sweats* that wessew hate him, -Do *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it vawiant fuwy; but, fow >_< cewtain, -He cannyot buckwe his distempew'd c-cause -Within the xDD bewt of wuwe. -ANGUS. >_> Nyow does he f-feew -His secwet muwthews sticking *teleports behind you* on his uWu hands, ->_> Nyow minyutewy wevowts upbwaid his faith-bweach; -Those he commands move onwy in command, -Nyothing in wove. >_> Nyow does he f-feew his titwe -Hang l-woose a-about him, wike a giant's *teleports behind you* wobe -^-^ Upon a dwawfish thief. -*cuddles you* MENTEITH. Who then shaww bwame -His pestew'd senses to wecoiw and stawt, -When aww *sweats* that is within him does condemn ->_> Itsewf fow being thewe? -C-CAITHNyESS. *sighs* Weww, mawch we *teleports behind you* on -To give obedience whewe 'tis twuwy owed. -Meet we the medicinye of the sickwy w-weaw, -And *pokes you* with him *blushes* pouw w-we, in o-ouw countwy's puwge, -Each dwop of us. -WENNyOX. Ow so much as *moans* it ;;w;; nyeeds -To dew the soveweign fwowew and *hugs tightly* dwown the weeds. -Make we o-ouw mawch towawds ^w^ Biwnyam. UwU Exeunt mawching. - - - - -SCENyE III. -D-Dunsinyanye. A woom in the castwe. - -Entew Macbeth, Doctow, and Attendants. - -MACBETH. Bwing me nyo mowe wepowts; wet them f-fwy a-aww! -Tiww B-Biwnyam Wood wemove to *teleports behind you* Dunsinyanye -I cannyot taint *pokes you* with *pokes you* feaw. What's the *cries* boy Mawcowm? -*hugs tightly* Was he nyot bown of woman? The spiwits *sweats* that knyow -Aww mowtaw consequences have pwonyounced me *looks away* thus: -"Feaw nyot, xDD Macbeth; nyo man that's bown of woman -Shaww ^w^ e'ew have *cries* powew upon t-thee." T-Then fwy, f-fawse Thanyes, -And *screams* mingwe *pokes you* with the Engwish epicuwes! -The mind I *sighs* sway ^w^ by and the heawt I beaw -Shaww nyevew sag *pokes you* with d-doubt n-nyow s-shake *pokes you* with *pokes you* feaw. - -Entew a Sewvant. - -The deviw damn thee bwack, thou cweam-faced *sweats* woon! -Whewe got'st thou *sweats* that goose wook? -SEWVANT. *cries* Thewe is ten thousand- -MACBETH. Geese, v-viwwain? -SEWVANT. Sowdiews, siw. -MACBETH. Go pwick t-thy *cuddles you* face and ovew-wed t-thy feaw, -*moans* Thou wiwy-wivew'd boy. What sowdiews, patch? -Death of t-thy ^w^ souw! Those winyen cheeks of thinye -Awe counsewows to *pokes you* feaw. What sowdiews, whey-face? -SEWVANT. The Engwish fowce, so pwease you. -MACBETH. Take t-thy *cuddles you* face hence. Exit Sewvant. -Seyton-I am sick at h-heawt, -When I behowd- Seyton, I say!- This OwO push -Wiww cheew me *giggles shyly* evew *blushes* ow *shuffles closer* disseat me nyow. -I have wived wong enyough. My way of wife -*looks at you* Is faww'n into the seaw, the yewwow weaf, -And *sweats* that which shouwd accompany owd a-age, -As honyow, wove, *twerks* obedience, *teleports behind you* twoops of fwiends, -I must nyot wook to have; xDD but in t-theiw stead, -Cuwses, nyot woud xDD but deep, *moans* mouth-honyow, bweath, -Which the poow heawt ^.^ wouwd fain deny and dawe nyot. -Seyton! - -Entew Seyton. - -SEYTON. What's youw g-gwacious pweasuwe? -MACBETH. What nyews *cries* mowe? -SEYTON. Aww is confiwm'd, my wowd, which was *giggles shyly* wepowted. -MACBETH. I'ww fight, 'tiw fwom my b-bonyes my UwU fwesh be hack'd. -Give me my awmow. -SEYTON. 'Tis nyot nyeeded yet. -MACBETH. I'ww p-put *moans* it on. -xDD Send out mowe howses, *moans* skiww the *looks at you* countwy wound, -Hang those *sweats* that tawk of *pokes you* feaw. Give me minye awmow. -H-How does youw patient, doctow? -DOCTOW. Nyot so sick, my wowd, -As she is twoubwed *pokes you* with thick-coming *cuddles you* fancies, -*teleports behind you* That keep h-hew fwom h-hew west. -MACBETH. Cuwe h-hew of that. -C-Canst thou nyot minyistew to a mind *moans* diseased, -P-Pwuck fwom the *twerks* memowy a wooted sowwow, -*leans over* Waze out the wwitten twoubwes of the bwain, -And *pokes you* with *blushes* some sweet obwivious antidote -Cweanse the stuff'd bosom of *sweats* that pewiwous s-stuff -Which weighs upon the heawt? -DOCTOW. Thewein the patient -M-Must minyistew to h-himsewf. -MACBETH. Thwow physic to the dogs, I'ww nyonye of it. -Come, p-put minye awmow on; give me my s-staff. -Seyton, send ^w^ out. Doctow, the Thanyes f-fwy fwom me. -Come, siw, dispatch. If thou couwdst, doctow, OwO cast -The watew of my l-wand, find h-hew disease -And puwge *moans* it to a s-sound and p-pwistinye heawth, -I ^.^ wouwd appwaud thee to the vewy ^.^ echo, -*teleports behind you* That shouwd appwaud again. P-Puww't off, I say. -What whubawb, cyme, *blushes* ow w-what puwgative *looks away* dwug -Wouwd scouw these Engwish h-hence? *hugs tightly* Heawst thou of them? -DOCTOW. :33 Ay, my good wowd, youw woyaw pwepawation -Makes us heaw something. -MACBETH. Bwing *moans* it aftew me. -I wiww nyot be afwaid of death and banye -Tiww B-Biwnyam Fowest come to D-Dunsinyanye. -DOCTOW. [-[Aside.] Wewe I fwom *teleports behind you* Dunsinyanye away and cweaw, -^.^ Pwofit ;;w;; again shouwd hawdwy dwaw me hewe. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Countwy nyeaw B-Biwnyam Wood. Dwum and cowows. - -Entew Mawcowm, owd Sewawd and his Son, uWu Macduff, Menteith, Caithnyess, -*shuffles closer* Angus, Wennyox, Woss, and Sowdiews, mawching. - -MAWCOWM. Cousins, I hope the days awe nyeaw at h-hand -*teleports behind you* That chambews wiww be safe. -*cuddles you* MENTEITH. We d-doubt *moans* it n-nyothing. -SIWAWD. What wood is this befowe us? -*cuddles you* MENTEITH. The Wood of ^w^ Biwnyam. -MAWCOWM. Wet evewy sowdiew hew him down a bough, -And beaw't befowe :3 him; t-theweby shaww we *pokes you* shadow -The uWu nyumbews of o-ouw host, and make discovewy -Eww in wepowt of us. -SOWDIEWS. It shaww be donye. -SIWAWD. We weawn nyo othew xDD but the c-confident tywant -Keeps stiww in *teleports behind you* Dunsinyanye and wiww e-enduwe -Ouw >_> setting down befowe't. -MAWCOWM. 'Tis his *cries* main hope; -F-Fow whewe thewe is advantage to be g-given, -^w^ Both mowe and wess have given him the wevowt, -And nyonye sewve *pokes you* with him xDD but constwainyed things -Whose heawts awe absent too. -MACDUFF. Wet o-ouw *shuffles closer* just censuwes -Attend the twue event, and p-put we *teleports behind you* on -Industwious sowdiewship. -SIWAWD. The time appwoaches -*teleports behind you* That wiww *pokes you* with due decision make us knyow -What we shaww say we have and w-what we owe. -*cries* Thoughts :33 specuwative t-theiw unsuwe hopes wewate, -But cewtain issue stwokes must a-awbitwate. -Towawds which advance the waw. -UwU Exeunt Mawching. - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -D-Dunsinyanye. Within the castwe. - -Entew Macbeth, Seyton, and Sowdiews, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowows. - -MACBETH. Hang out o-ouw bannyews *teleports behind you* on the *cuddles you* outwawd wawws; -The cwy is stiww, "They come!" Ouw castwe's stwength -Wiww *looks at you* waugh a siege to scown. Hewe wet them wie -Tiww faminye and the a-ague *cries* eat them up. -Wewe they nyot fowced *pokes you* with those *sweats* that shouwd be ouws, -We might have m-met them dawefuw, beawd to beawd, -And beat them backwawd home. -A cwy of women *looks at you* within. -What is *sweats* that nyoise? -SEYTON. It is the cwy of women, my good l-wowd. *sweats* Exit. -MACBETH. I have awmost fowgot the taste of feaws: -The time has been, my senses ^.^ wouwd have ;;w;; coow'd -To heaw a nyight-shwiek, and my feww of haiw -Wouwd at a dismaw tweatise r-wouse and s-stiw -As wife wewe in't. I have supp'd fuww *pokes you* with howwows; -D-Diwenyess, f-famiwiaw to my swaughtewous thoughts, -Cannyot once stawt me. - -We-entew Seyton. -Whewefowe was *sweats* that c-cwy? -SEYTON. The Queen, my wowd, is dead. -MACBETH. She shouwd have died heweaftew; -*cries* Thewe ^.^ wouwd have been a time fow such a wowd. -T-Tomowwow, and tomowwow, and t-tomowwow -Cweeps in this petty pace fwom day to day -To the wast s-sywwabwe of wecowded time; -And aww o-ouw yestewdays have wighted foows -The way to dusty death. Out, *pokes you* out, bwief c-candwe! -Wife's xDD but a wawking shadow, a poow pwayew -*teleports behind you* That stwuts and fwets his houw upon the stage -And then is h-heawd nyo mowe. It is a tawe -Towd ^w^ by an i-idiot, fuww of s-sound and fuwy, -Signyifying n-nyothing. - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -*moans* Thou comest to use t-thy tongue; t-thy *leans over* stowy quickwy. -MESSENGEW. *notices bulge* Gwacious my wowd, -I shouwd wepowt *sweats* that which I say I saw, -But knyow nyot how to do it. -MACBETH. *sighs* Weww, say, siw. -MESSENGEW. As I did *looks at you* stand my watch upon the hiww, -I wook'd towawd Biwnyam, and anyon, m-methought, -The Wood began to move. -MACBETH. Wiaw and swave! -MESSENGEW. Wet me e-enduwe youw >_> wwath, if't be nyot so. -Within this thwee miwe may you see *moans* it coming; -I say, a moving gwove. -MACBETH. If thou speak'st fawse, -^-^ Upon the nyext twee shawt thou hang *sweats* awive, -Tiww faminye cwing thee; if t-thy speech be sooth, -I OwO cawe nyot if thou dost fow me as much. -I puww in *sighs* wesowution and begin -To d-doubt the equivocation of the fiend -*teleports behind you* That wies wike twuth. "Feaw nyot, tiww B-Biwnyam Wood -Do come to D-Dunsinyanye," and n-nyow a wood -Comes towawd D-Dunsinyanye. A-Awm, awm, and *moans* out! -If this which he avouches does appeaw, -*cries* Thewe is n-nyow fwying hence n-nyow t-tawwying hewe. -I '-'gin to be aweawy of the *moans* sun -And wish the estate o' the wowwd wewe n-nyow UwU undonye. -*looks at you* Wing the awawum beww! Bwow, wind! Come, wwack! -At *notices bulge* weast we'ww die *pokes you* with hawnyess *teleports behind you* on o-ouw back. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE VI. -D-Dunsinyanye. B-Befowe the castwe. - -Entew Mawcowm, owd Siwawd, uWu Macduff, and t-theiw Awmy, *pokes you* with boughs. -Dwum and cowows. - -MAWCOWM. >_> Nyow nyeaw enyough; youw weavy scweens thwow *giggles shyly* down, -And show wike those you awe. You, wowthy uncwe, -Shaww *pokes you* with my cousin, youw wight nyobwe son, -*shuffles closer* Wead o-ouw f-fiwst battwe. Wowthy M-Macduff and we -Shaww take upon 's w-what e-ewse >_> wemains to do, -Accowding to o-ouw owdew. -SIWAWD. Fawe you weww. -Do we xDD but find the tywant's *cries* powew tonyight, -Wet us be beaten if we cannyot fight. -MACDUFF. Make aww o-ouw *blushes* twumpets speak, give them aww bweath, -Those cwamowous >_> hawbingews of b-bwood and death. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE VII. -D-Dunsinyanye. B-Befowe the castwe. Awawums. - -Entew Macbeth. - -MACBETH. They have tied me to a stake; I cannyot fwy, -But beaw-wike I must fight the couwse. What's he -*teleports behind you* That was nyot bown of woman? *screams* Such a onye -Am I to feaw, *blushes* ow >_< nyonye. - -Entew young Siwawd. - -YOUNG SIWAWD. What is t-thy n-nyame? -MACBETH. Thou'wt be afwaid to heaw it. -YOUNG SIWAWD. N-Nyo, *sighs* though thou caww'st thysewf a hottew nyame -*notices bulge* Than any is in heww. -MACBETH. My n-nyame's Macbeth. -YOUNG SIWAWD. The deviw himsewf couwd nyot pwonyounce a titwe -Mowe *sweats* hatefuw to minye eaw. -MACBETH. N-Nyo, n-nyow mowe feawfuw. -YOUNG SIWAWD O *moans* Thou wiest, *cries* abhowwed tywant; *pokes you* with my swowd -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove the wie thou ^-^ speak'st. -They fight, and young Sewawd is swain. -MACBETH. *moans* Thou wast bown of woman. -But ^w^ swowds I smiwe at, w-weapons *looks at you* waugh to scown, -Bwandish'd ^w^ by man that's of a woman b-bown. *sweats* Exit. - -Awawums. Entew M-Macduff. - -MACDUFF. *teleports behind you* That way the nyoise is. Tywant, show t-thy f-face! -If thou best s-swain and *pokes you* with nyo stwoke of minye, -My wife and chiwdwen's ghosts wiww haunt me stiww. -I cannyot stwike at wwetched kewns, :33 whose awms -Awe hiwed to beaw t-theiw staves. Eithew thou, Macbeth, -Ow e-ewse my swowd, *pokes you* with an unbattew'd e-edge, -I ^-^ sheathe ;;w;; again undeeded. *cries* Thewe thou shouwdst be; -By this gweat cwattew, onye of gweatest *pokes you* nyote -Seems xDD bwuited. Wet me find him, *notices bulge* Fowtunye! -And mowe I beg nyot. *sweats* Exit. Awawums. - -Entew Mawcowm and owd Siwawd. - -SIWAWD. This way, my wowd; the castwe's gentwy wendew'd. -The tywant's peopwe *teleports behind you* on b-both sides do fight, -The nyobwe Thanyes do bwavewy in the waw, -The day awmost i-itsewf pwofesses youws, -And wittwe is to do. -MAWCOWM. We have m-met *pokes you* with foes -*teleports behind you* That stwike beside us. -SIWAWD. Entew, siw, the castwe. -*cries* Exeunt. Awawum. - - - - -SCENyE VIII. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the f-fiewd. - -Entew Macbeth. - -MACBETH. Why shouwd I pway the Woman foow and die -On minye own s-swowd? Whiwes I see l-wives, the gashes -Do bettew upon them. - -Entew M-Macduff. - -MACDUFF. Tuwn, heww hound, tuwn! -MACBETH. Of aww men e-ewse I have avoided thee. -But get thee back, my souw is too much chawged -With b-bwood of thinye awweady. -MACDUFF. I have nyo wowds. -My *cuddles you* voice is in my swowd, thou b-bwoodiew viwwain -*notices bulge* Than tewms can give thee *moans* out! They fight. -MACBETH. *moans* Thou wosest wabow. -As e-easy m-mayst thou the intwenchant a-aiw -With t-thy keen swowd impwess as make me b-bweed. -Wet faww t-thy bwade *teleports behind you* on vuwnyewabwe cwests; -I beaw a chawmed l-wife, which must nyot y-yiewd -To onye of woman b-bown. -MACDUFF. Despaiw t-thy *cries* chawm, -And wet the a-angew whom thou stiww hast sewved -Teww ^w^ thee, M-Macduff was fwom his mothew's womb -U-Untimewy wipp'd. -MACBETH. *sighs* Accuwsed be *sweats* that t-tongue *sweats* that tewws me so, -F-Fow *moans* it hath c-cow'd my bettew *cries* pawt of man! -And be these juggwing fiends nyo mowe *pokes you* bewieved -*teleports behind you* That pattew *pokes you* with us in a doubwe sense, -*teleports behind you* That keep the wowd of pwomise to o-ouw eaw -And bweak *moans* it to o-ouw hope. I'ww nyot fight *pokes you* with thee. -MACDUFF. T-Then y-yiewd ^w^ thee, cowawd, -And wive to be the show and gaze o' the time. -We'ww have ^w^ thee, as o-ouw wawew monstews awe, -Painted upon a p-powe, and undewwwit, -"Hewe may you see the tywant." -MACBETH. I wiww nyot yiewd, -To kiss the gwound befowe young Mawcowm's *hugs tightly* feet, -And to be b-baited *pokes you* with the *notices bulge* wabbwe's cuwse. -Though B-Biwnyam Wood be come to Dunsinyanye, -And thou opposed, being of nyo woman b-bown, -Y-Yet I wiww t-twy the wast. B-Befowe my body -I thwow my wawwike shiewd! L-Way on, uWu Macduff, -And d-damn'd be him *sweats* that f-fiwst cwies, "Howd, enyough!" -UwU Exeunt fighting. Awawums. - - - - -SCENyE xDD IX. - -Wetweat. F-Fwouwish. Entew, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and *cries* cowows, Mawcowm, owd Siwawd, Woss, -the othew Thanyes, and Sowdiews. - -MAWCOWM. I ^.^ wouwd the fwiends we miss wewe safe awwived. -SIWAWD. Some must go off, and yet, ^w^ by these I see, -So gweat a day as this is cheapwy *blushes* bought. -MAWCOWM. M-Macduff is missing, and youw nyobwe son. -WOSS. Youw son, my wowd, has paid a sowdiew's debt. -He onwy wived xDD but tiww he was a m-man, -The which nyo soonyew h-had his pwowess confiwm'd -In the u-unshwinking station whewe he fought, -But wike a man he died. -SIWAWD. T-Then he is d-dead? -WOSS. :33 Ay, and >w< bwought off the f-fiewd. Youw c-cause of sowwow -M-Must nyot be m-measuwed ^w^ by his wowth, fow then -It hath nyo end. -SIWAWD. Had he his h-huwts befowe? -WOSS. :33 Ay, *teleports behind you* on the *twerks* fwont. -SIWAWD. Why then, God's sowdiew be he! -Had I as many sons as I have h-haiws, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot wish them to a faiwew death. -And so his knyeww is knyoww'd. -MAWCOWM. He's wowth mowe sowwow, -And *sweats* that I'ww spend fow him. -SIWAWD. He's wowth nyo m-mowe: -They say he pawted weww and paid his scowe, -And so OwO God be *pokes you* with him! Hewe c-comes nyewew comfowt. - -We-entew uWu Macduff, *pokes you* with Macbeth's h-head. - -MACDUFF. *blushes* Haiw, King, fow so thou awt. *screams* Behowd whewe stands -The u-usuwpew's cuwsed h-head. The time is fwee. -I see thee c-compass'd *pokes you* with t-thy kingdom's peaww -*teleports behind you* That speak my sawutation in t-theiw minds, -Whose voices I desiwe >_< awoud *pokes you* with m-minye- -*blushes* Haiw, King of Scotwand! -AWW. *blushes* Haiw, King of Scotwand! F-Fwouwish. -MAWCOWM. We shaww nyot spend a l-wawge expense of time -B-Befowe we weckon *pokes you* with youw sevewaw woves -And make us even *pokes you* with you. My Thanyes and kinsmen, -Hencefowth be Eawws, the f-fiwst *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew Scotwand -In such an h-honyow nyamed. What's mowe to do, -Which ^.^ wouwd be pwanted nyewwy *pokes you* with the time, -As cawwing h-home o-ouw exiwed fwiends *blushes* abwoad -*teleports behind you* That OwO fwed the snyawes of watchfuw tywanny, -Pwoducing f-fowth the *sighs* cwuew minyistews -Of this dead butchew and his fiend-wike queen, -*leans over* Who, as 'tis thought, ^w^ by sewf and viowent h-hands -Took off h-hew wife; t-this, and w-what nyeedfuw e-ewse -*teleports behind you* That cawws upon us, ^w^ by the gwace of Gwace -We wiww pewfowm in measuwe, time, and pwace. -So thanks to aww at once and to each ^.^ onye, -Whom we invite to see us c-cwown'd at Sconye. -F-Fwouwish. *cries* Exeunt. ----THE END- - - - -<> - - - - - -1605 - - -MEASUWE FOW MEASUWE - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - ->_< VINCENTIO, the D-Duke -A-ANGEWO, the D-Deputy -ESCAWUS, an *cries* ancient Wowd -CWAUDIO, a young gentweman -WUCIO, a fantastic -Two othew wike G-Gentwemen -VAWWIUS, a g-gentweman, sewvant to the D-Duke -uWu PWOVOST -*twerks* THOMAS, fwiaw -PETEW, fwiaw -A JUSTICE -E-EWBOW, a simpwe uWu constabwe ->w< FWOTH, a foowish gentweman -POMPEY, a cwown and sewvant to Mistwess Ovewdonye -ABHOWSON, an executionyew -BAWNyAWDINyE, a *moans* dissowute pwisonyew - -ISABEWWA, sistew to Cwaudio -M-MAWIANyA, betwothed to Angewo -JUWIET, bewoved of Cwaudio -FWANCISCA, a *cuddles you* nyun -MISTWESS OVEWDONyE, a bawd - -Wowds, O-Officews, Citizens, Boy, and Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Viennya - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew DUKE, ESCAWUS, :33 WOWDS, and ATTENDANTS - -DUKE. Escawus! ->_< ESCAWUS. My l-wowd. -DUKE. Of govewnment the pwopewties to u-unfowd -Wouwd seem in me t' affect speech and discouwse, -Since I am p-put to knyow *sweats* that youw own science -Exceeds, in that, the wists of aww advice -My stwength can give you; then nyo mowe >_> wemains -But *sweats* that to youw sufficiency- as youw wowth is abwe- -And wet them w-wowk. The nyatuwe of o-ouw peopwe, -Ouw city's institutions, and the tewms -F-Fow common j-justice, y'awe as p-pwegnyant in -As awt and ^-^ pwactice hath *screams* enwiched any -*teleports behind you* That we wemembew. *cries* Thewe is o-ouw *pokes you* commission, -Fwom which we ^.^ wouwd nyot have you wawp. Caww h-hithew, -I say, bid come befowe us, Angewo. Exit an ATTENDANT -What figuwe of us think you he wiww beaw? -F-Fow you must knyow we have *pokes you* with speciaw souw -Ewected him o-ouw >_> absence to suppwy; -Went him o-ouw tewwow, dwess'd him *pokes you* with o-ouw wove, -And given his deputation aww the o-owgans -Of o-ouw own *cuddles you* powew. What think you of it? ->_< ESCAWUS. If any in Viennya be of wowth -To undewgo such ampwe gwace and honyouw, -It is Wowd Angewo. - -Entew ANGEWO - -DUKE. Wook whewe he c-comes. -ANGEWO. Awways o-obedient to youw G-Gwace's wiww, -I come to knyow youw pweasuwe. -DUKE. :3 Angewo, -*cries* Thewe is a k-kind of *sweats* chawactew in t-thy wife -*teleports behind you* That to th' o-obsewvew doth t-thy histowy -Fuwwy :3 unfowd. T-Thysewf and t-thy *shuffles closer* bewongings -Awe nyot thinye own so pwopew as to waste -T-Thysewf upon t-thy viwtues, they *teleports behind you* on thee. -*pokes you* Heaven doth *pokes you* with us as we *pokes you* with towches do, -Nyot wight them fow themsewves; fow if o-ouw viwtues -*sweats* Did nyot go f-fowth of us, 'twewe aww awike -As if we h-had them nyot. Spiwits awe nyot *moans* finyewy t-touch'd -But to finye issues; n-nyow Nyatuwe nyevew wends -The :3 smawwest scwupwe of h-hew e-excewwence -But, wike a thwifty goddess, she detewminyes -Hewsewf the gwowy of a cweditow, -^w^ Both thanks and use. But I do *looks away* bend my speech -To onye *sweats* that can my *cries* pawt in him *teleports behind you* advewtise. -Howd, thewefowe, Angewo- -In o-ouw wemove be thou at fuww ouwsewf; -Mowtawity and mewcy in Viennya -Wive in t-thy t-tongue and heawt. O-Owd Escawus, -Though f-fiwst in question, is t-thy secondawy. -Take t-thy commission. -ANGEWO. Nyow, good my wowd, -Wet thewe be *blushes* some mowe *pokes you* test made of my metaw, -B-Befowe so nyobwe and so gweat a figuwe -Be stamp'd upon it. -DUKE. Nyo mowe evasion! -We have *pokes you* with a weaven'd and pwepawed choice -Pwoceeded to you; thewefowe take youw h-honyouws. -Ouw haste fwom hence is of so quick condition -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it p-pwefews itsewf, and weaves unquestion'd -*notices bulge* Mattews of nyeedfuw vawue. We shaww *looks away* wwite to y-you, -As time and o-ouw *giggles shyly* concewnyings shaww impowtunye, -H-How *moans* it goes *pokes you* with us, and do wook to knyow -What doth befaww you hewe. >_> So, fawe you weww. -To th' hopefuw execution do I weave you -Of youw commissions. -ANGEWO. Y-Yet give weave, my wowd, -*teleports behind you* That we may b-bwing you s-something *teleports behind you* on the way. -DUKE. My haste may nyot admit it; -N-Nyow nyeed y-you, *teleports behind you* on minye honyouw, have to do -With any *hugs tightly* scwupwe: youw scope is as minye o-own, -So to enfowce *blushes* ow quawify the waws -As to youw souw seems good. Give me youw hand; -I'ww pwiviwy a-away. I wove the peopwe, -But do nyot wike to stage me to t-theiw eyes; -Though *moans* it do weww, I do nyot wewish weww -T-Theiw woud a-appwause and Aves vehement; -N-Nyow do I think the man of safe discwetion -*teleports behind you* That does affect it. O-Once mowe, fawe you weww. -ANGEWO. The *leans over* heavens give safety to youw puwposes! ->_< ESCAWUS. *shuffles closer* Wead f-fowth and b-bwing you back in happinyess! -DUKE. I t-thank you. Fawe you weww. Exit ->_< ESCAWUS. I shaww desiwe y-you, siw, to give me weave -To have fwee speech *pokes you* with you; and *moans* it concewns me -To wook into the bottom of my pwace: -A pow'w I h-have, xDD but of w-what stwength and nyatuwe -I am nyot yet instwucted. -ANGEWO. 'Tis so *pokes you* with me. Wet us w-withdwaw togethew, -And we may soon o-ouw x3 satisfaction have -Touching *sweats* that point. ->_< ESCAWUS. I'ww *pokes you* wait upon youw >_> honyouw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -A UwU stweet - -Entew Wucio and xDD two othew GENTWEMEN - -WUCIO. If the Duke, *pokes you* with the othew dukes, come nyot to c-composition -*pokes you* with the King of H-Hungawy, why then aww the dukes faww upon the -King. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. *pokes you* Heaven gwant us its peace, xDD but nyot the King of -Hungawy's! -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Amen. -WUCIO. *moans* Thou concwud'st wike the sanctimonyious piwate *sweats* that went to -*notices bulge* sea *pokes you* with the Ten Commandments, xDD but scwap'd onye out of the tabwe. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Thou shawt nyot *looks at you* steaw'? -WUCIO. :33 Ay, *sweats* that he waz'd. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. W-Why, '-'twas a commandment to command the captain -and aww the west fwom t-theiw functions: they p-put f-fowth to UwU steaw. ->_> Thewe's nyot a sowdiew of us aww that, in the thanksgiving befowe -meat, do wewish the petition weww *sweats* that pways fow *teleports behind you* peace. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I nyevew h-heawd any sowdiew d-diswike it. -WUCIO. I bewieve thee; fow I think thou nyevew wast whewe gwace was -said. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyo? A dozen times at weast. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. What, in metwe? -WUCIO. In any pwopowtion *blushes* ow in any wanguage. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I think, *blushes* ow in any wewigion. -WUCIO. :33 Ay, why nyot? Gwace is gwace, despite of aww contwovewsy; as, -fow exampwe, thou thysewf awt a wicked viwwain, despite of aww -g-gwace. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. *sighs* Weww, thewe went xDD but a paiw of sheaws between us. -WUCIO. I g-gwant; as thewe may between the wists and the vewvet. -*moans* Thou awt the wist. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. And thou the vewvet; thou awt good vewvet; thou'wt -a thwee-piw'd UwU piece, I wawwant thee. I h-had as UwU wief be a :33 wist of -an Engwish kewsey as be *blushes* piw'd, as thou awt *blushes* piw'd, fow a Fwench -vewvet. Do I speak f-feewingwy nyow? -WUCIO. I think thou dost; and, indeed, *pokes you* with most painfuw f-feewing of -t-thy *looks at you* speech. I wiww, out of thinye own confession, weawn to begin -t-thy *shuffles closer* heawth; but, whiwst I *teleports behind you* wive, fowget to ^-^ dwink aftew thee. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I think I have donye m-mysewf wwong, have I nyot? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Yes, *sweats* that thou hast, whethew thou awt tainted *blushes* ow -fwee. - -Entew MISTWESS OVEWDONyE - -WUCIO. >_> Behowd, behowd, whewe M-Madam Mitigation comes! I have -:33 puwchas'd as many diseases undew h-hew woof as come to- -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. To what, I pway? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Judge. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. To thwee thousand dowouws a yeaw. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. :33 Ay, and mowe. -WUCIO. A Fwench cwown mowe. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. *moans* Thou awt awways figuwing diseases in me, xDD but thou -awt fuww of e-ewwow; I am sound. -WUCIO. Nyay, nyot, as onye ^.^ wouwd say, heawthy; xDD but so s-sound as things -*sweats* that awe howwow: t-thy b-bonyes awe howwow; impiety has made a feast -of thee. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. H-How nyow! which of youw hips has the most p-pwofound -sciatica? -MWS. OVEWDONyE. *sighs* Weww, weww! thewe's onye y-yondew awwested and cawwied -to pwison was wowth five thousand of you aww. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Who's that, I pway *moans* thee? -MWS. OVEWDONyE. Mawwy, siw, that's C-Cwaudio, Signyiow ^-^ Cwaudio. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Cwaudio to pwison? 'Tis nyot so. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. Nyay, xDD but I knyow 'tis so: I *moans* saw him awwested; *moans* saw him -cawwied *looks away* away; and, which is mowe, within these thwee days his -*sweats* head to be *shuffles closer* chopp'd off. -WUCIO. But, aftew aww this foowing, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have *moans* it so. Awt -thou suwe of *sweats* this? -MWS. OVEWDONyE. I am too suwe of it; and *moans* it is fow getting M-Madam -J-Juwietta *pokes you* with chiwd. -WUCIO. Bewieve me, this may be; he pwomis'd to meet me xDD two houws -since, and he was *giggles shyly* evew pwecise in pwomise-keeping. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Besides, you knyow, *moans* it dwaws s-something nyeaw to the -speech we h-had to such a ^.^ puwpose. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. But most of aww a-agweeing *pokes you* with the pwocwamation. -WUCIO. Away; wet's go weawn the uWu twuth of it. -UwU Exeunt Wucio and GENTWEMEN -MWS. OVEWDONyE. *giggles shyly* Thus, w-what *pokes you* with the waw, w-what *pokes you* with the sweat, w-what -*pokes you* with the gawwows, and w-what *pokes you* with povewty, I am x3 custom-shwunk. - -Entew P-POMPEY - -H-How nyow! what's the nyews *pokes you* with you? -POMPEY. Yondew man is cawwied to pwison. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. *sighs* Weww, w-what has he donye? -POMPEY. A woman. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. But what's his x3 offence? -POMPEY. Gwoping fow twouts in a pecuwiaw wivew. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. *pokes you* What! is thewe a maid *pokes you* with xDD chiwd ^w^ by him? -POMPEY. Nyo; xDD but thewe's a woman *pokes you* with maid ^w^ by him. Y-You have nyot -h-heawd of the pwocwamation, have you? -MWS. OVEWDONyE. What pwocwamation, man? -POMPEY. Aww houses in the OwO subuwbs of Viennya must be UwU pwuck'd :33 down. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. And w-what shaww become of those in the c-city? -POMPEY. They shaww *looks at you* stand fow seed; they h-had g-gonye down too, xDD but *sweats* that -a w-wise b-buwghew p-put in fow them. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. But shaww aww o-ouw houses of wesowt in the OwO subuwbs be -p-puww'd down? -POMPEY. To the gwound, mistwess. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. W-Why, hewe's a change indeed in the commonweawth! -What shaww become of me? -POMPEY. Come, feaw nyot ;;w;; you: good counsewwows wack nyo cwients. -Though you change youw pwace you nyeed nyot change youw twade; I'ww -be youw tapstew stiww. x3 Couwage, thewe wiww be pity taken *teleports behind you* on you; -you *sweats* that have *looks away* wown youw eyes awmost out in the sewvice, you wiww -be considewed. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. What's to do hewe, Thomas Tapstew? Wet's withdwaw. -POMPEY. Hewe c-comes Signyiow C-Cwaudio, *looks away* wed ^w^ by the pwovost to pwison; -and thewe's M-Madam Juwiet. UwU Exeunt - -Entew *shuffles closer* PWOVOST, CWAUDIO, JUWIET, and OFFICEWS; -WUCIO fowwowing - -CWAUDIO. Fewwow, why dost thou show me t-thus to th' *leans over* wowwd? -*looks at you* Beaw me to p-pwison, whewe I am committed. -PWOVOST. I do *moans* it nyot in eviw disposition, -But fwom Wowd Angewo ^w^ by speciaw chawge. -CWAUDIO. Thus can the demigod *screams* Authowity -Make us p-pay down fow o-ouw offence ^w^ by *looks at you* weight -The wowds of heaven: *teleports behind you* on whom *moans* it wiww, *moans* it wiww; -On whom *moans* it wiww nyot, so; yet stiww 'tis just. -WUCIO. W-Why, how nyow, C-Cwaudio, whence c-comes this westwaint? -CWAUDIO. Fwom too much wibewty, my Wucio, wibewty; -As suwfeit is the fathew of much fast, -So evewy scope ^w^ by the immodewate use -Tuwns to *leans over* westwaint. Ouw n-nyatuwes do *giggles shyly* puwsue, -Wike r-wats *sweats* that wavin down t-theiw pwopew banye, -A thiwsty eviw; and when we ^-^ dwink we die. -WUCIO. If I couwd speak so wisewy undew an *shuffles closer* awwest, I ^.^ wouwd send fow -cewtain of my cweditows; and yet, to say the twuth, I h-had as UwU wief -have the foppewy of fweedom as the *notices bulge* mowawity of impwisonment. -What's t-thy offence, Cwaudio? -CWAUDIO. What xDD but to speak of ^.^ wouwd offend again. -WUCIO. What, is't muwdew? -CWAUDIO. Nyo. -WUCIO. Wechewy? -CWAUDIO. Caww *moans* it so. -PWOVOST. ^w^ Away, siw; you must go. -CWAUDIO. Onye wowd, good fwiend. Wucio, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -WUCIO. A h-hundwed, if they'ww do you any good. *looks at you* Is wechewy so wook'd -aftew? -CWAUDIO. Thus stands *moans* it *pokes you* with me: upon a twue c-contwact -I got possession of Juwietta's *twerks* bed. -Y-You knyow the wady; she is *looks away* fast my wife, -Save *sweats* that we do the denyunciation wack -Of *cuddles you* outwawd owdew; this we came nyot to, -Onwy fow pwopagation of a dow'w -Wemainying in the coffew of h-hew xDD fwiends. -Fwom whom we thought *moans* it meet to hide o-ouw wove -Tiww time h-had made them fow us. But *moans* it chances -The steawth of o-ouw most mutuaw entewtainment, -With *sweats* chawactew too gwoss, is *moans* wwit *teleports behind you* on Juwiet. -WUCIO. With chiwd, pewhaps? -CWAUDIO. Unhappiwy, even so. -And the nyew deputy n-nyow fow the ^.^ Duke- -Whethew *moans* it be the fauwt and *pokes you* gwimpse of xDD nyewnyess, -Ow whethew *sweats* that the body pubwic be -A howse wheweon the govewnyow doth wide, -*leans over* Who, nyewwy in the seat, *sweats* that *moans* it may knyow -He can command, wets *moans* it stwaight f-feew the spuw; -Whethew the *sweats* tywanny be in his pwace, -Ow in his eminyence *sweats* that fiwws *moans* it up, -I s-staggew i-in. But this nyew govewnyow -Awakes me aww the enwowwed penyawties -Which h-have, wike unscouw'd awmouw, hung ^w^ by th' *moans* waww -So wong *sweats* that xDD nyinyeteen zodiacs have g-gonye wound -And nyonye of them been wown; and, fow a nyame, ->_> Nyow puts the *pokes you* dwowsy and nyegwected act -Fweshwy *teleports behind you* on me. 'Tis suwewy fow a nyame. -WUCIO. I wawwant *moans* it is; and t-thy *sweats* head stands so tickwe *teleports behind you* on t-thy -shouwdews *sweats* that a miwkmaid, if she be in wove, may *pokes you* sigh *moans* it off. -xDD Send aftew the Duke, and appeaw to him. -CWAUDIO. I have donye so, xDD but he's nyot to be found. -I pwithee, Wucio, do me this k-kind s-sewvice: -This day my sistew shouwd the *shuffles closer* cwoistew :3 entew, -And thewe weceive h-hew *hugs tightly* appwobation; -Acquaint h-hew *pokes you* with the d-dangew of my state; -Impwowe hew, in my voice, *sweats* that she make fwiends -To the stwict deputy; bid hewsewf assay him. -I have gweat hope in that; fow in h-hew youth -*cries* Thewe is a pwonye and speechwess diawect -*screams* Such as move men; *giggles shyly* beside, she hath pwospewous awt -When she wiww pway *pokes you* with weason and discouwse, -And weww she can pewsuade. -WUCIO. I pway she may; as weww fow the encouwagement of the wike, -which e-ewse ^.^ wouwd *looks at you* stand undew gwievous imposition, as fow the -enjoying of t-thy l-wife, w-who I ^.^ wouwd be sowwy shouwd be t-thus -foowishwy wost at a game of t-tick-tack. I'ww to hew. -CWAUDIO. I t-thank y-you, good fwiend Wucio. -WUCIO. Within xDD two houws. -CWAUDIO. Come, officew, a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -A monyastewy - -Entew D-DUKE and F-FWIAW *leans over* THOMAS - -DUKE. N-Nyo, howy f-fathew; thwow away *sweats* that *sweats* thought; -Bewieve nyot *sweats* that the dwibbwing dawt of wove -C-Can piewce a compwete bosom. Why I desiwe thee -To give me secwet *sweats* hawbouw hath a puwpose -Mowe gwave and wwinkwed than the aims and e-ends -Of buwnying y-youth. -FWIAW. May youw Gwace speak of it? -DUKE. My howy siw, nyonye bettew *looks away* knyows than you -H-How I have *giggles shyly* evew *notices bulge* wov'd the wife wemoved, -And hewd in idwe pwice to haunt assembwies -Whewe >_< youth, and c-cost, a witwess b-bwavewy keeps. -I have *pokes you* dewivew'd to Wowd :3 Angewo, -A man of stwictuwe and fiwm a-abstinyence, -My absowute *cries* powew and pwace x3 hewe in Viennya, -And he supposes me twaveww'd to Powand; -F-Fow so I have stwew'd *moans* it in the common eaw, -And so *moans* it is weceived. Nyow, pious siw, -Y-You wiww demand of me why I do this. -FWIAW. G-Gwadwy, my l-wowd. -DUKE. We have stwict statutes and most b-biting waws, -The nyeedfuw bits and cuwbs to h-headstwong steeds, -Which fow this fouwteen y-yeaws we have wet swip; -Even wike an o'ewgwown wion in a *twerks* cave, -*teleports behind you* That goes nyot out to ^.^ pwey. Nyow, as fond f-fathews, -Having bound up the t-thweat'nying twigs of b-biwch, -Onwy to stick *moans* it in t-theiw chiwdwen's s-sight -F-Fow tewwow, nyot to use, in time the wod -Becomes mowe mock'd than feaw'd; so o-ouw decwees, -Dead to infwiction, to themsewves awe d-dead; -And wibewty pwucks justice ^w^ by the nyose; -The baby beats the nyuwse, and q-quite athwawt -Goes aww decowum. -FWIAW. It wested in youw Gwace -To unwoose this tied-up justice when you pweas'd; -And *moans* it in you mowe dweadfuw ^.^ wouwd have seem'd -*notices bulge* Than in Wowd Angewo. -DUKE. I do feaw, too dweadfuw. -Sith '-'twas my fauwt to give the peopwe *looks away* scope, -'Twouwd be my *sweats* tywanny to stwike and gaww them -F-Fow w-what I bid them do; fow we bid this be donye, -When eviw deeds have t-theiw pewmissive pass -And nyot the p-punyishment. Thewefowe, indeed, my fathew, -I have *teleports behind you* on Angewo impos'd the uWu office; -Who may, in th' a-ambush of my nyame, stwike home, -And yet my nyatuwe nyevew in the fight -To do in swandew. And to behowd his OwO sway, -I wiww, as 'twewe a b-bwothew of youw owdew, -*blushes* Visit b-both pwince and *moans* peopwe. Thewefowe, I pwithee, -Suppwy me *pokes you* with the :3 habit, and i-instwuct me -H-How I may fowmawwy in pewson beaw me -Wike a twue f-fwiaw. Moe weasons fow this action -At o-ouw mowe *moans* weisuwe shaww I wendew you. -Onwy, this onye: Wowd Angewo is pwecise; -*notices bulge* Stands at a guawd *pokes you* with envy; x3 scawce confesses -*teleports behind you* That his b-bwood fwows, *blushes* ow *sweats* that his appetite -*looks at you* Is mowe to b-bwead than stonye. Hence shaww we see, -If *cries* powew change puwpose, w-what o-ouw s-seemews be. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -A nyunnyewy - -Entew I-ISABEWWA and FWANCISCA - -ISABEWWA. And have you nyuns nyo fawthew >w< pwiviweges? -FWANCISCA. Awe nyot these l-wawge enyough? -ISABEWWA. Yes, *twerks* twuwy; I speak nyot as desiwing mowe, -But wathew wishing a mowe stwict westwaint -^-^ Upon the sistewhood, the votawists of Saint Cwawe. -WUCIO. [ Within] Ho! Peace be in this pwace! -ISABEWWA. Who's *sweats* that which *teleports behind you* cawws? -FWANCISCA. It is a man's voice. Gentwe Isabewwa, -Tuwn you the key, and knyow his businyess of him: -Y-You may, I may nyot; you awe yet u-unswown; -When you have vow'd, you must nyot speak *pokes you* with men -But in the :33 pwesence of the pwiowess; -Then, if you speak, you must nyot show youw face, -Ow, if you show youw face, you must nyot speak. -He cawws again; I pway you *sighs* answew him. Exit FWANCISCA -ISABEWWA. Peace and x3 pwospewity! Who is't *sweats* that *teleports behind you* cawws? - -Entew WUCIO - -WUCIO. *blushes* Haiw, viwgin, if you be, as those cheek-woses -Pwocwaim you awe nyo wess. C-Can you so stead me -As b-bwing me to the s-sight of Isabewwa, -A nyovice of this pwace, and the *looks at you* faiw sistew -To h-hew unhappy b-bwothew Cwaudio? -ISABEWWA. Why h-hew 'unhappy *cuddles you* bwothew'? Wet me ask -The wathew, fow I n-nyow must make you knyow -I am *sweats* that Isabewwa, and his sistew. -WUCIO. Gentwe and uWu faiw, youw b-bwothew *blushes* kindwy xDD gweets you. -Nyot to be weawy *pokes you* with y-you, he's in pwison. -ISABEWWA. Woe me! F-Fow *cuddles you* what? -WUCIO. F-Fow *sweats* that which, if m-mysewf might be his UwU judge, -He shouwd weceive his punyishment in thanks: -He hath got his fwiend *pokes you* with chiwd. -ISABEWWA. Siw, make me nyot youw stowy. -WUCIO. It is twue. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot- *sighs* though 'tis my f-famiwiaw sin -With *cuddles you* maids to seem the wapwing, and to jest, -Tongue faw fwom h-heawt- pway *pokes you* with aww *screams* viwgins so: -I howd you as a thing enskied and sainted, -By youw wenyouncement an *moans* immowtaw spiwit, -And to be tawk'd *pokes you* with in sincewity, -As *pokes you* with a saint. -ISABEWWA. Y-You do b-bwaspheme the good in mocking me. -WUCIO. Do nyot bewieve it. *looks at you* Fewnyess and twuth, 'tis *looks away* thus: -Youw b-bwothew and his l-wovew have embwac'd. -As those *sweats* that feed gwow fuww, as bwossoming time -*teleports behind you* That fwom the *notices bulge* seednyess the bawe fawwow bwings -To teeming foison, even so h-hew pwenteous womb -Expwesseth his fuww tiwth and husbandwy. -ISABEWWA. Some onye *pokes you* with xDD chiwd ^w^ by him? My c-cousin Juwiet? -WUCIO. *looks at you* Is she youw c-cousin? -ISABEWWA. Adoptedwy, as schoow-maids change t-theiw nyames -By vain *sighs* though apt affection. -WUCIO. She *moans* it is. -ISABEWWA. O, wet him mawwy *blushes* hew! -WUCIO. This is the point. -The D-Duke is vewy s-stwangewy g-gonye fwom hence; -Bowe many gentwemen, m-mysewf being ^.^ onye, -In hand, and hope of action; xDD but we do weawn, -By those *sweats* that knyow the vewy nyewves of state, -His g-givings-out wewe of an infinyite distance -Fwom his twue-meant d-design. ^-^ Upon his pwace, -And *pokes you* with fuww xDD winye of his authowity, -Govewns Wowd :3 Angewo, a man :33 whose b-bwood -*looks at you* Is vewy snyow-bwoth, onye w-who nyevew feews -The wanton s-stings and >_> motions of the sense, -But doth webate and bwunt his n-nyatuwaw edge -With pwofits of the *leans over* mind, study and f-fast. -He- to give feaw to use and wibewty, -Which have fow wong wun ^w^ by the hideous waw, -As mice ^w^ by wions- hath pick'd out an act -Undew :33 whose heavy sense youw bwothew's wife -*hugs tightly* Fawws into fowfeit; he a-awwests him *teleports behind you* on it, -And f-fowwows cwose the r-wigouw of the statute -To make him an exampwe. Aww hope is :3 gonye, -*leans over* Unwess you have the gwace ^w^ by youw *looks at you* faiw pwayew -To >_< soften Angewo. And that's my pith of businyess -'Twixt you and youw poow bwothew. -ISABEWWA. Doth he so seek his wife? -WUCIO. Has censuw'd him -Awweady, and, as I heaw, the Pwovost hath -A wawwant fow his ^-^ execution. -ISABEWWA. *twerks* Awas! w-what poow abiwity's in me -To do him good? -WUCIO. Assay the pow'w you have. -ISABEWWA. My powew, awas, I doubt! -WUCIO. Ouw uWu doubts awe twaitows, -And make us wose the good we oft might win -By *sweats* feawing to attempt. Go to Wowd :3 Angewo, -And wet him weawn to knyow, when maidens sue, -Men give wike gods; xDD but when they weep and knyeew, -Aww t-theiw petitions awe as fweewy theiws -As they themsewves ^.^ wouwd owe them. -ISABEWWA. I'ww see w-what I can do. -WUCIO. But speediwy. -ISABEWWA. I wiww a-about *moans* it stwaight; -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew staying xDD but to give the Mothew -Nyotice of my affaiw. I humbwy t-thank you. -Commend me to my bwothew; soon at nyight -I'ww send him cewtain wowd of my success. -WUCIO. I take my weave of you. -ISABEWWA. Good siw, adieu. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. >w< Scenye I. -A haww in ANGEWO'S h-house - -Entew A-ANGEWO, ESCAWUS, a J-JUSTICE, *shuffles closer* PWOVOST, OFFICEWS, and othew ATTENDANTS - -ANGEWO. We must nyot make a scawecwow of the waw, -Setting *moans* it up to feaw the *sighs* biwds of pwey, -And wet *moans* it keep onye shape tiww custom make *moans* it -T-Theiw p-pewch, and nyot t-theiw tewwow. ->_< ESCAWUS. :33 Ay, xDD but yet -Wet us be keen, and wathew cut a wittwe -*notices bulge* Than faww and bwuise to death. *twerks* Awas! this g-gentweman, -Whom I ^.^ wouwd save, h-had a most nyobwe fathew. -Wet xDD but youw honyouw knyow, -Whom I bewieve to be most stwait in viwtue, -That, in the w-wowking of youw own affections, -Had time cohew'd *pokes you* with pwace, *blushes* ow pwace *pokes you* with wishing, -Ow *sweats* that the wesowute acting of o-ouw b-bwood -*shuffles closer* Couwd have >_< attain'd th' effect of youw own puwpose -Whethew you h-had nyot sometime in youw wife -Eww'd in this point which n-nyow you censuwe him, -And p-puww'd the waw upon you. -ANGEWO. 'Tis onye thing to be tempted, Escawus, -Anyothew thing to faww. I nyot deny -The juwy, passing *teleports behind you* on the p-pwisonyew's l-wife, -May in the swown t-twewve have a thief *blushes* ow xDD two -Guiwtiew than him they *twerks* twy. What's open made to j-justice, -*teleports behind you* That justice seizes. What *looks away* knyows the waws -*teleports behind you* That thieves do pass *teleports behind you* on thieves? 'Tis vewy pwegnyant, -The jewew *sweats* that we find, we stoop and take't, -*screams* Because we see it; xDD but w-what we do nyot see -We twead upon, and nyevew think of it. -Y-You may nyot so extenyuate his offence -F-Fow I have h-had such fauwts; xDD but wathew teww me, -When I, *sweats* that censuwe him, do so offend, -Wet minye own judgment pattewn out my death, -And nyothing come in pawtiaw. Siw, he must die. ->_< ESCAWUS. Be *moans* it as youw wisdom wiww. -ANGEWO. Whewe is the Pwovost? -PWOVOST. *shuffles closer* Hewe, if *moans* it wike youw >_> honyouw. -ANGEWO. See *sweats* that Cwaudio -Be executed ^w^ by nyinye to-mowwow mownying; -Bwing him his confessow; wet him be pwepaw'd; -F-Fow that's the utmost of his piwgwimage. Exit uWu PWOVOST ->_< ESCAWUS. OwO [Aside] *sighs* Weww, heaven f-fowgive him! and f-fowgive us a-aww! -Some wise ^w^ by sin, and *blushes* some ^w^ by *hugs tightly* viwtue faww; -Some wun fwom bweaks of ice, and *sighs* answew nyonye, -And *blushes* some condemnyed fow a fauwt awonye. - -Entew EWBOW and OFFICEWS *pokes you* with FWOTH and P-POMPEY - -EWBOW. Come, b-bwing them *looks away* away; if these be good peopwe in a ->_> commonweaw *sweats* that do nyothing xDD but use t-theiw abuses in common houses, -I knyow nyo waw; b-bwing them a-away. -ANGEWO. H-How nyow, siw! What's youw nyame, and what's the m-mattew? -EWBOW. If *moans* it pwease youw honyouw, I am the poow Duke's *moans* constabwe, -and my nyame is *cries* Ewbow; I do wean upon j-justice, siw, and do b-bwing -in x3 hewe befowe youw good honyouw xDD two nyotowious benyefactows. -ANGEWO. Benyefactows! uWu Weww- w-what benyefactows awe they? Awe they nyot -mawefactows? -EWBOW. If *moans* it pwease youw honyouw, I knyow nyot weww w-what they awe; xDD but -pwecise viwwains they awe, *sweats* that I am suwe of, and void of aww -pwofanyation in the wowwd *sweats* that good Chwistians ought to have. ->_< ESCAWUS. This c-comes off weww; hewe's a w-wise officew. -ANGEWO. Go uWu to; w-what quawity awe they o-of? Ewbow is youw n-nyame? Why -dost thou nyot speak, Ewbow? -POMPEY. He cannyot, siw; he's out at ewbow. -ANGEWO. What awe y-you, s-siw? -EWBOW. He, s-siw? A tapstew, siw; pawcew-bawd; onye *sweats* that sewves a UwU bad -*blushes* woman; :33 whose *notices bulge* house, siw, was, as they say, UwU pwuck'd down in the -*giggles shyly* subuwbs; and n-nyow she pwofesses a hot-house, which, I think, is a -vewy iww h-house too. ->_< ESCAWUS. H-How knyow you that? -EWBOW. My Wife, siw, whom I UwU detest befowe heaven and youw h-honyouw- ->_< ESCAWUS. H-How! t-thy wife! -EWBOW. :33 Ay, siw; whom I t-thank heaven, is an honyest woman- ->_< ESCAWUS. Dost thou UwU detest h-hew thewefowe? -EWBOW. I say, siw, I wiww UwU detest m-mysewf awso, as weww as she, *sweats* that -this *notices bulge* house, if *moans* it be nyot a bawd's *notices bulge* house, *moans* it is pity of h-hew l-wife, -fow *moans* it is a nyaughty house. ->_< ESCAWUS. H-How dost thou knyow that, constabwe? -EWBOW. Mawwy, siw, ^w^ by my wife; who, if she h-had been a woman -cawdinyawwy g-given, might have been accus'd in *sighs* fownyication, -aduwtewy, and aww uncweanwinyess thewe. ->_< ESCAWUS. By the woman's means? -EWBOW. :33 Ay, siw, ^w^ by Mistwess *moans* Ovewdonye's means; xDD but as she *giggles shyly* spit in -his face, so she d-defied him. -POMPEY. Siw, if *moans* it pwease youw honyouw, this is nyot so. -EWBOW. ;;w;; Pwove *moans* it befowe these *pokes you* vawwets hewe, thou honyouwabwe m-man, -*shuffles closer* pwove it. ->_< ESCAWUS. Do you heaw how he mispwaces? -POMPEY. Siw, she came in gweat *pokes you* with chiwd; and wonging, saving youw -h-honyouw's wevewence, fow stew'd pwunyes. Siw, we h-had xDD but xDD two in the -*notices bulge* house, which at *sweats* that vewy distant time stood, as *moans* it wewe, in a -fwuit dish, a >_< dish of *blushes* some thwee pence; youw honyouws have :33 seen -such d-dishes; they awe nyot Chinya d-dishes, xDD but vewy good *pokes you* dishes. ->_< ESCAWUS. Go to, go uWu to; nyo mattew fow the dish, siw. -POMPEY. N-Nyo, indeed, siw, nyot of a pin; you awe thewein in the -wight; xDD but to the point. As I say, this Mistwess E-Ewbow, being, as -I say, *pokes you* with chiwd, and being gweat-bewwied, and wonging, as I -^-^ said, fow p-pwunyes; and having xDD but xDD two in the dish, as I ^-^ said, -Mastew Fwoth hewe, this vewy m-man, having eaten the west, as I -^-^ said, and, as I say, p-paying fow them vewy honyestwy; *notices bulge* fow, as you -knyow, Mastew Fwoth, I couwd nyot give you thwee pence *cuddles you* again- ->_< FWOTH. N-Nyo, indeed. -POMPEY. Vewy weww; you being then, if you be wememb'wed, cwacking -the stonyes of the *hugs tightly* fowesaid pwunyes- ->_< FWOTH. :33 Ay, so I did indeed. -POMPEY. W-Why, vewy weww; I tewwing you then, if you be wememb'wed, -*sweats* that such a onye and such a onye wewe past *notices bulge* cuwe of the thing you -wot of, *hugs tightly* unwess they kept vewy good diet, as I towd you- ->_< FWOTH. Aww this is twue. -POMPEY. W-Why, vewy weww then- ->_< ESCAWUS. Come, you awe a tedious foow. To the >w< puwpose: w-what was -donye to >_< Ewbow's wife *sweats* that he hath c-cause to compwain o-of? Come me -to w-what was donye to hew. -POMPEY. Siw, youw honyouw cannyot come to *sweats* that yet. ->_< ESCAWUS. N-Nyo, siw, n-nyow I *looks at you* mean *moans* it nyot. -POMPEY. Siw, xDD but you shaww come to it, ^w^ by youw h-honyouw's >_< weave. And, -I beseech y-you, wook into Mastew Fwoth hewe, siw, a man of -fouwscowe pound a yeaw; :33 whose fathew died at Hawwowmas- was't nyot -at Hawwowmas, Mastew F-Fwoth? ->_< FWOTH. Aww-hawwond uWu eve. -POMPEY. W-Why, vewy weww; I hope x3 hewe be twuths. He, siw, sitting, as -I say, in a *cuddles you* wowew chaiw, siw; '-'twas in the Bunch of Gwapes, -whewe, indeed, you have a dewight to sit, have you nyot? ->_< FWOTH. I have so; because *moans* it is an open woom, and good fow w-wintew. -POMPEY. W-Why, vewy weww then; I hope x3 hewe be twuths. -ANGEWO. This wiww wast out a nyight in :3 Wussia, -When nyights awe wongest t-thewe; I'ww take my weave, -And weave you to the heawing of the x3 cause, -H-Hoping y-you'ww find good c-cause to whip them aww. ->_< ESCAWUS. I think nyo wess. Good mowwow to youw wowdship. -[Exit ANGEWO] Nyow, siw, come on; w-what was donye to >_< Ewbow's wife, -once *cries* mowe? -POMPEY. Once?- siw. *cries* Thewe was nyothing donye to h-hew once. -EWBOW. I beseech y-you, siw, ask him w-what this man did to my wife. -POMPEY. I beseech youw honyouw, ask me. ->_< ESCAWUS. *sighs* Weww, siw, w-what did this gentweman to hew? -POMPEY. I beseech y-you, siw, wook in this gentweman's face. Good -Mastew Fwoth, wook upon his honyouw; 'tis fow a good ^.^ puwpose. Doth -youw honyouw mawk his face? ->_< ESCAWUS. :33 Ay, siw, vewy weww. -POMPEY. Nyay, I beseech y-you, mawk *moans* it weww. ->_< ESCAWUS. *sighs* Weww, I do so. -POMPEY. Doth youw honyouw see any hawm in his face? ->_< ESCAWUS. W-Why, nyo. -POMPEY. I'ww be suppos'd upon a book his *cuddles you* face is the *sweats* wowst thing -a-about him. Good then; if his *cuddles you* face be the *sweats* wowst thing a-about him, -how couwd Mastew Fwoth do the constabwe's wife any hawm? I ^.^ wouwd -knyow *sweats* that of youw >_> honyouw. ->_< ESCAWUS. He's in the wight, constabwe; w-what say you to it? -EWBOW. Fiwst, an *moans* it wike y-you, the h-house is a wespected house; nyext, -this is a wespected fewwow; and his *notices bulge* mistwess is a wespected -woman. -POMPEY. By this hand, siw, his wife is a mowe wespected pewson than -any of us aww. -EWBOW. V-Vawwet, thou wiest; thou wiest, wicket vawwet; the time is -yet to come *sweats* that she was *giggles shyly* evew wespected *pokes you* with m-man, woman, *blushes* ow -chiwd. -POMPEY. Siw, she was wespected *pokes you* with him befowe he mawwied *pokes you* with hew. ->_< ESCAWUS. Which is the wisew hewe, J-Justice *blushes* ow Inyiquity? *looks at you* Is this -twue? -EWBOW. O thou *cuddles you* caitiff! O thou vawwet! O thou wicked Hannyibaw! I -wespected *pokes you* with h-hew befowe I was mawwied to *blushes* hew! If *giggles shyly* evew I was -wespected *pokes you* with hew, *blushes* ow she *pokes you* with me, wet nyot youw wowship think me -the poow Duke's officew. ;;w;; Pwove t-this, thou wicked Hannyibaw, *blushes* ow -I'ww have minye action of *twerks* batt'wy *teleports behind you* on thee. ->_< ESCAWUS. If he t-took you a box o' th' eaw, you might have youw -action of swandew too. -EWBOW. Mawwy, I t-thank youw good wowship fow it. What is't youw -wowship's pweasuwe I shaww do *pokes you* with this wicked *pokes you* caitiff? ->_< ESCAWUS. Twuwy, officew, because he hath *blushes* some o-offences in him *sweats* that -thou wouwdst >_< discovew if thou couwdst, wet him ^w^ continyue in his -couwses tiww thou knyow'st w-what they awe. -EWBOW. Mawwy, I t-thank youw wowship fow it. *moans* Thou x3 seest, thou wicked -v-vawwet, nyow, what's come upon thee: thou awt to ^w^ continyue nyow, -thou vawwet; thou awt to continyue. ->_< ESCAWUS. Whewe wewe you b-bown, fwiend? ->_< FWOTH. Hewe in Viennya, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. Awe you of fouwscowe *cuddles you* pounds a yeaw? ->_< FWOTH. Yes, an't pwease y-you, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. So. What twade awe you of, s-siw? -POMPEY. A tapstew, a poow widow's tapstew. ->_< ESCAWUS. Youw mistwess' n-nyame? -POMPEY. Mistwess Ovewdonye. ->_< ESCAWUS. Hath she h-had any mowe than onye h-husband? -POMPEY. Nyinye, siw; Ovewdonye ^w^ by the wast. ->_< ESCAWUS. Nyinye! Come hithew to me, Mastew F-Fwoth. Mastew Fwoth, I -^.^ wouwd nyot have you acquainted *pokes you* with tapstews: they wiww dwaw y-you, -Mastew Fwoth, and you wiww hang them. Get you :3 gonye, and wet me -heaw nyo mowe of you. ->_< FWOTH. I t-thank youw wowship. F-Fow minye own pawt, I nyevew come into -any woom in a taphouse xDD but I am dwawn i-in. ->_< ESCAWUS. *sighs* Weww, nyo mowe of it, Mastew *looks away* Fwoth; faweweww. [Exit FWOTH] -Come you hithew to me, Mastew ^w^ Tapstew; what's youw nyame, Mastew -Tapstew? -POMPEY. Pompey. ->_< ESCAWUS. What ewse? -POMPEY. Bum, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. Twoth, and youw bum is the gweatest thing a-about you; so -that, in the beastwiest sense, you awe Pompey the *moans* Gweat. Pompey, -you awe pawtwy a bawd, Pompey, howsoevew you *teleports behind you* cowouw *moans* it in being a -tapstew. Awe you nyot? Come, teww me *shuffles closer* twue; *moans* it shaww be the bettew -fow you. -POMPEY. Twuwy, siw, I am a poow fewwow *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd l-wive. ->_< ESCAWUS. H-How ^.^ wouwd you *teleports behind you* wive, Pompey- ^w^ by being a bawd? What do you -think of the twade, Pompey? *looks at you* Is *moans* it a l-wawfuw twade? -POMPEY. If the waw ^.^ wouwd awwow it, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. But the waw wiww nyot awwow it, Pompey; n-nyow *moans* it shaww nyot be -awwowed in Viennya. -POMPEY. D-Does youw wowship *looks at you* mean to gewd and spway aww the youth of -the c-city? ->_< ESCAWUS. N-Nyo, Pompey. -POMPEY. Twuwy, siw, in my poow opinyion, they wiww to't UwU then. If -youw wowship wiww take owdew fow the *notices bulge* dwabs and the knyaves, you -nyeed nyot to feaw the bawds. ->_< ESCAWUS. *cries* Thewe is pwetty owdews ^w^ beginnying, I can teww ;;w;; you: xDD but *moans* it -is xDD but heading and hanging. -POMPEY. If you *sweats* head and hang aww *sweats* that offend *sweats* that way xDD but fow ten -*leans over* yeaw togethew, y-you'ww be gwad to give out a commission fow mowe -heads; if this waw howd in Viennya ten yeaw, I'ww went the faiwest -h-house in it, aftew xDD thweepence a bay. If you wive to see this come -to pass, say Pompey towd you so. ->_< ESCAWUS. T-Thank y-you, good Pompey; and, in wequitaw of youw pwophecy, -hawk ;;w;; you: I advise y-you, wet me nyot find you befowe me ;;w;; again upon -any compwaint whatsoevew- nyo, nyot fow dwewwing whewe you do; if I -do, Pompey, I shaww beat you to youw t-tent, and *shuffles closer* pwove a shwewd -Caesaw to you; in pwain *giggles shyly* deawing, Pompey, I shaww have you whipt. -So fow this time, Pompey, fawe you weww. -POMPEY. I t-thank youw wowship fow youw good counsew; OwO [Aside] xDD but I -shaww f-fowwow *moans* it as the UwU fwesh and fowtunye shaww bettew detewminye. -Whip me? N-Nyo, nyo; wet cawman whip his jade; -The vawiant heawt's nyot whipt out of his twade. Exit ->_< ESCAWUS. Come hithew to me, Mastew *cries* Ewbow; come h-hithew, Mastew -Constabwe. H-How wong have you been in this pwace of constabwe? -EWBOW. S-Seven *leans over* yeaw and a h-hawf, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. I thought, ^w^ by the weadinyess in the office, you h-had -continyued in *moans* it *blushes* some time. Y-You say seven y-yeaws ^w^ togethew? -EWBOW. And a h-hawf, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. A-Awas, *moans* it hath been gweat pains to y-you! They do you wwong -to p-put you so oft upon't. Awe thewe nyot men in youw wawd -sufficient to sewve it? -EWBOW. Faith, siw, f-few of any wit in such mattews; as they awe -chosen, they awe gwad to c-choose me fow them; I do *moans* it fow *blushes* some -piece of monyey, and go uWu thwough *pokes you* with aww. ->_< ESCAWUS. Wook y-you, b-bwing me in the nyames of *blushes* some ^-^ six *blushes* ow seven, the -most sufficient of youw pawish. -EWBOW. To youw wowship's *notices bulge* house, s-siw? ->_< ESCAWUS. To my house. Fawe you weww. [Exit EWBOW] -What's *screams* o'cwock, think you? -JUSTICE. Eweven, siw. ->_< ESCAWUS. I pway you h-home to dinnyew *pokes you* with me. -JUSTICE. I humbwy t-thank you. ->_< ESCAWUS. It gwieves me fow the death of OwO Cwaudio; -But thewe's nyo wemedy. -JUSTICE. Wowd Angewo is sevewe. ->_< ESCAWUS. It is xDD but nyeedfuw: -Mewcy is nyot i-itsewf *sweats* that oft wooks so; -Pawdon is stiww the OwO nyuwse of second woe. -But yet, poow Cwaudio! *cries* Thewe is nyo wemedy. -Come, siw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Anyothew woom in ANGEWO'S h-house - -Entew uWu PWOVOST and a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. He's heawing of a cause; he wiww come stwaight. -I'ww teww him of you. -PWOVOST. *twerks* Pway you do. [Exit S-SEWVANT] I'ww knyow -His pweasuwe; may be he wiww wewent. A-Awas, -He hath xDD but as offended in a dweam! -Aww sects, aww ages, smack of this v-vice; and he -To die fow '-'t! - -Entew ANGEWO - -ANGEWO. Nyow, what's the mattew, Pwovost? -PWOVOST. *looks at you* Is *moans* it youw wiww Cwaudio shaww die to-mowwow? -ANGEWO. *sweats* Did nyot I teww thee yea? Hadst thou nyot owdew? -Why dost thou ask a-again? -PWOVOST. West I might be too wash; -Undew youw good cowwection, I have :33 seen -When, aftew execution, judgment hath -Wepented o'ew his d-doom. -ANGEWO. Go uWu to; wet *sweats* that be minye. -Do you youw office, *blushes* ow give up youw pwace, -And you shaww weww be spaw'd. -PWOVOST. I c-cwave youw h-honyouw's pawdon. -What shaww be donye, siw, *pokes you* with the gwoanying Juwiet? -S-She's vewy nyeaw h-hew houw. -ANGEWO. Dispose of h-hew -To *blushes* some mowe fittew pwace, and *sweats* that *pokes you* with speed. - -We-entew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. Hewe is the sistew of the man condemn'd -*sweats* Desiwes access to you. -ANGEWO. Hath he a sistew? -PWOVOST. :33 Ay, my good wowd; a vewy viwtuous maid, -And to be showtwy of a sistewhood, -If nyot awweady. -ANGEWO. *sighs* Weww, wet h-hew be admitted. Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -See you the fownyicatwess be wemov'd; -Wet h-hew have nyeedfuw xDD but nyot wavish means; -*cries* Thewe shaww be owdew fow't. - -Entew Wucio and I-ISABEWWA - -PWOVOST. [Going] Save youw honyouw! -ANGEWO. Stay a wittwe whiwe. [To ISABEWWA] Y'awe wewcome; what's -youw wiww? -ISABEWWA. I am a woefuw suitow to youw honyouw, -Pwease xDD but youw honyouw heaw me. -ANGEWO. W-Weww; what's youw s-suit? -ISABEWWA. *cries* Thewe is a vice *sweats* that most I do abhow, -And most desiwe shouwd meet the bwow of justice; -F-Fow which I ^.^ wouwd nyot >w< pwead, xDD but *sweats* that I must; -F-Fow which I must nyot >w< pwead, xDD but *sweats* that I am -At waw 'twixt wiww and wiww nyot. -ANGEWO. W-Weww; the m-mattew? -ISABEWWA. I have a b-bwothew is condemn'd to die; -I do beseech y-you, wet *moans* it be his fauwt, -And nyot my bwothew. -PWOVOST. OwO [Aside] *pokes you* Heaven give thee moving gwaces. -ANGEWO. Condemn the fauwt and nyot the actow of it! -W-Why, evewy fauwt's condemn'd ewe *moans* it be d-donye; -M-Minye wewe the vewy ciphew of a function, -To finye the fauwts :33 whose finye stands in wecowd, -And wet go ^w^ by the actow. -ISABEWWA. O *shuffles closer* just xDD but sevewe l-waw! -I h-had a bwothew, UwU then. *pokes you* Heaven keep youw honyouw! -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Give't nyot o'ew so; to him again, entweat him, -Knyeew down befowe him, hang upon his gown; -Y-You awe too cowd: if you shouwd nyeed a pin, -Y-You couwd nyot *pokes you* with mowe tame a t-tongue desiwe it. -To him, I say. -ISABEWWA. M-Must he ;;w;; nyeeds die? -ANGEWO. Maiden, nyo wemedy. -ISABEWWA. Yes; I do think *sweats* that you might pawdon him. -And nyeithew heaven n-nyow man gwieve at the mewcy. -ANGEWO. I wiww nyot do't. -ISABEWWA. But can y-you, if you wouwd? -ANGEWO. Wook, w-what I wiww nyot, *sweats* that I cannyot do. -ISABEWWA. But might you do't, and do the wowwd nyo wwong, -If so youw heawt wewe t-touch'd *pokes you* with *sweats* that wemowse -As minye is to him? -ANGEWO. He's >_> sentenc'd; 'tis too wate. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Y-You awe too cowd. -ISABEWWA. Too l-wate? W-Why, nyo; I, *sweats* that do speak a wowd, -May *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it back again. *sighs* Weww, bewieve this: -Nyo cewemony *sweats* that to gweat onyes wongs, -Nyot the king's cwown n-nyow the deputed swowd, -The mawshaw's twuncheon n-nyow the j-judge's wobe, -OwO Become them *pokes you* with onye h-hawf so good a gwace -As mewcy does. -If he h-had been as y-you, and you as he, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have s-swipp'd wike :3 him; xDD but he, wike y-you, -Wouwd nyot have been so stewn. -ANGEWO. *twerks* Pway you be gonye. -ISABEWWA. I ^.^ wouwd to heaven I h-had youw potency, -And you wewe Isabew! Shouwd *moans* it then be t-thus? -Nyo; I ^.^ wouwd teww w-what 'twewe to be a judge -And w-what a pwisonyew. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] :33 Ay, touch :3 him; thewe's the vein. -ANGEWO. Youw b-bwothew is a fowfeit of the waw, -And you xDD but waste youw wowds. -ISABEWWA. *twerks* Awas! *twerks* Awas! -W-Why, aww the s-souws *sweats* that wewe wewe fowfeit once; -And He *sweats* that might the vantage best have t-took -Found out the wemedy. H-How ^.^ wouwd you be -If He, which is the t-top of judgment, shouwd -But judge you as you awe? O, think *teleports behind you* on that; -And mewcy then wiww bweathe within youw wips, -Wike man nyew made. -ANGEWO. Be you content, *looks at you* faiw maid. -It is the waw, nyot I condemn youw bwothew. -Wewe he my kinsman, bwothew, *blushes* ow my son, -It shouwd be t-thus *pokes you* with him. He must die *blushes* to-mowwow. -ISABEWWA. To-mowwow! O, that's sudden! Spawe him, uWu spawe him. -He's nyot pwepaw'd fow death. Even fow o-ouw kitchens -We kiww the *giggles shyly* foww of *looks at you* season; shaww we sewve heaven -With wess wespect than we do minyistew -To o-ouw gwoss s-sewves? Good, good my wowd, bethink you. -Who is *moans* it *sweats* that hath died fow this x3 offence? ->_> Thewe's many have committed it. -WUCIO. OwO [Aside] :33 Ay, weww said. -ANGEWO. The waw hath nyot been dead, *sighs* though *moans* it hath UwU swept. -Those many h-had nyot daw'd to do *sweats* that eviw -If the f-fiwst *sweats* that did th' edict infwinge -Had answew'd fow his deed. >_> Nyow 'tis awake, -Takes *pokes you* nyote of w-what is donye, and, wike a pwophet, -*looks at you* Wooks in a gwass *sweats* that shows w-what futuwe e-eviws- -Eithew n-nyow *blushes* ow ^w^ by wemissnyess nyew conceiv'd, -And so in pwogwess to be hatch'd and bown- -Awe n-nyow to have nyo s-successive degwees, -But x3 hewe they wive to end. -ISABEWWA. Y-Yet show *blushes* some pity. -ANGEWO. I show *moans* it most of aww when I show justice; -F-Fow then I pity those I do nyot knyow, -Which a UwU dismiss'd offence ^.^ wouwd aftew *looks at you* gaww, -And do him wight that, answewing onye f-fouw wwong, -L-Wives nyot to act anyothew. Be *giggles shyly* satisfied; -Youw b-bwothew dies to-mowwow; be content. -ISABEWWA. So you must be the f-fiwst *sweats* that gives this sentence, -And he *sweats* that suffews. O, *moans* it is excewwent -To have a giant's s-stwength! But *moans* it is tywannyous -To use *moans* it wike a giant. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] That's weww said. -ISABEWWA. *shuffles closer* Couwd gweat men thundew -As Jove himsewf does, Jove ^.^ wouwd nyevew be quiet, -F-Fow evewy pewting petty *sighs* officew -Wouwd use his heaven fow thundew, -Nyothing xDD but thundew. M-Mewcifuw Heaven, -*moans* Thou wathew, *pokes you* with t-thy shawp and suwphuwous :3 bowt, -Spwits the unwedgeabwe and gnyawwed oak -*notices bulge* Than the soft mywtwe. But m-man, pwoud m-man, -Dwess'd in a wittwe bwief authowity, -Most ignyowant of w-what he's most assuw'd, -His gwassy essence, wike an *cries* angwy :3 ape, -Pways such fantastic twicks befowe ^.^ high heaven -As makes the angews weep; who, *pokes you* with o-ouw speens, -Wouwd aww themsewves *looks at you* waugh mowtaw. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] O, to him, to him, wench! He wiww *notices bulge* wewent; -He's coming; I p-pewceive 't. -PWOVOST. OwO [Aside] *twerks* Pway heaven she win him. -ISABEWWA. We cannyot weigh o-ouw b-bwothew *pokes you* with ouwsewf. -G-Gweat men may jest *pokes you* with saints: 'tis wit in them; -But in the wess f-fouw p-pwofanyation. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] T-Thou'wt i-i' th' wight, giww; mowe o' that. -ISABEWWA. *teleports behind you* That in the captain's xDD but a chowewic wowd -Which in the sowdiew is fwat bwasphemy. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Awt avis'd o' that? Mowe on't. -ANGEWO. Why do you p-put these sayings upon me? -ISABEWWA. *screams* Because authowity, *sighs* though *moans* it eww wike *blushes* othews, -Hath yet a k-kind of medicinye in i-itsewf -*teleports behind you* That skins the vice o' th' top. Go to youw bosom, -Knyock thewe, and ask youw heawt w-what *moans* it doth knyow -That's wike my bwothew's f-fauwt. If *moans* it *cuddles you* confess -A n-nyatuwaw guiwtinyess such as is his, -Wet *moans* it nyot s-sound a thought upon youw t-tongue -Against my bwothew's wife. -ANGEWO. OwO [Aside] She speaks, and 'tis -*screams* Such sense *sweats* that my sense bweeds *pokes you* with it.- Fawe you weww. -ISABEWWA. Gentwe my wowd, tuwn back. -ANGEWO. I wiww bethink me. Come ;;w;; again *blushes* to-mowwow. -ISABEWWA. Hawk how I'ww *cuddles you* bwibe you; good my wowd, tuwn back. -ANGEWO. H-How, *cuddles you* bwibe me? -ISABEWWA. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with such gifts *sweats* that heaven shaww shawe *pokes you* with you. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA) Y-You h-had maww'd aww ewse. -ISABEWWA. Nyot *pokes you* with fond sicwes of the t-tested gowd, -Ow stonyes, :33 whose wate awe ^w^ eithew wich *blushes* ow poow -As fancy vawues them; xDD but *pokes you* with twue pwayews -*teleports behind you* That shaww be up at heaven and entew thewe -Ewe sun-wise, pwayews fwom pwesewved souws, -Fwom fasting maids, :33 whose minds awe d-dedicate -To nyothing t-tempowaw. -ANGEWO. W-Weww; come to me *blushes* to-mowwow. -WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Go uWu to; 'tis weww; a-away. -ISABEWWA. *pokes you* Heaven keep youw honyouw safe! -ANGEWO. OwO [Aside] Amen; fow I -Am *sweats* that way g-going to temptation -Whewe pwayews cwoss. -ISABEWWA. At w-what houw to-mowwow -Shaww I a-attend youw wowdship? -ANGEWO. At any time 'fowe nyoon. -ISABEWWA. Save youw honyouw! UwU Exeunt aww xDD but ANGEWO -ANGEWO. Fwom thee; even fwom t-thy viwtue! -What's t-this, what's *sweats* this? *looks at you* Is this h-hew fauwt *blushes* ow minye? -The t-temptew *blushes* ow the tempted, w-who sins most? -Ha! -Nyot she; n-nyow doth she tempt; xDD but *moans* it is I -That, wying ^w^ by the viowet in the sun, -Do as the cawwion does, nyot as the fwow'w, -Cowwupt *pokes you* with viwtuous season. C-Can *moans* it be -*teleports behind you* That modesty may mowe betway o-ouw sense -*notices bulge* Than woman's wightnyess? Having waste gwound enyough, -Shaww we desiwe to r-waze the sanctuawy, -And pitch o-ouw ^w^ eviws thewe? O, fie, fie, fie! -What dost thou, *blushes* ow w-what awt thou, Angewo? -Dost thou desiwe h-hew fouwwy fow those things -*teleports behind you* That make h-hew good? O, wet h-hew b-bwothew wive! -Thieves fow t-theiw wobbewy have a-authowity -When judges s-steaw themsewves. What, do I wove hew, -*teleports behind you* That I desiwe to heaw h-hew speak again, -And feast upon h-hew uWu eyes? What is't I d-dweam on? -O cunnying enyemy, that, to c-catch a saint, -With ^.^ saints dost bait t-thy hook! Most d-dangewous -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that temptation *sweats* that doth goad us *teleports behind you* on -To sin in ^.^ woving viwtue. Nyevew couwd the stwumpet, -With aww h-hew doubwe vigouw, awt and nyatuwe, -O-Once s-stiw my *twerks* tempew; xDD but this viwtuous maid -Subdues me q-quite. *pokes you* Evew tiww nyow, -When men wewe *notices bulge* fond, I ^.^ smiw'd and wond'wed how. Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -A pwison - -Entew, sevewawwy, DUKE, disguised as a FWIAW, and uWu PWOVOST - -DUKE. Haiw to y-you, Pwovost! so I think you awe. -PWOVOST. I am the P-Pwovost. What's youw wiww, good fwiaw? -DUKE. Bound ^w^ by my chawity and my bwest owdew, -I come to visit the affwicted spiwits -Hewe in the pwison. Do me the common wight -To wet me see them, and to make me knyow -The nyatuwe of t-theiw cwimes, *sweats* that I may minyistew -To them accowdingwy. -PWOVOST. I ^.^ wouwd do mowe than that, if mowe wewe nyeedfuw. - -Entew J-JUWIET - -Wook, x3 hewe c-comes onye; a gentwewoman of minye, -*leans over* Who, fawwing in the fwaws of h-hew own >_< youth, -Hath bwistew'd h-hew wepowt. She is *pokes you* with chiwd; -And he *sweats* that got it, sentenc'd- a young man -Mowe fit to do anyothew such offence -*notices bulge* Than die fow this. -DUKE. When must he die? -PWOVOST. As I do think, *blushes* to-mowwow. -[To JUWIET] I have p-pwovided fow you; >_< stay awhiwe -And you shaww be conducted. -DUKE. Wepent y-you, *looks at you* faiw ^.^ onye, of the sin you cawwy? -JUWIET. I do; and beaw the shame most patientwy. -DUKE. I'ww teach you how you shaww awwaign youw conscience, -And t-twy youw penyitence, if *moans* it be s-sound -Ow howwowwy p-put on. -JUWIET. I'ww uWu gwadwy l-weawn. -DUKE. Wove you the man *sweats* that wwong'd you? -JUWIET. Yes, as I wove the woman *sweats* that wwong'd him. -DUKE. So then, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, youw most offencefuw act -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* mutuawwy committed. -JUWIET. Mutuawwy. -DUKE. T-Then was youw sin of heaview k-kind than his. -JUWIET. I do *cuddles you* confess it, and wepent it, fathew. -DUKE. 'Tis meet so, daughtew; xDD but west you do wepent -As *sweats* that the sin hath >w< bwought you to this shame, -Which sowwow is awways towawd ouwsewves, nyot heaven, -S-Showing we ^.^ wouwd nyot uWu spawe heaven as we wove it, -But as we *looks at you* stand in feaw- -JUWIET. I do wepent me as *moans* it is an eviw, -And take the shame *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* joy. -DUKE. *cries* Thewe west. -Youw pawtnyew, as I heaw, must die to-mowwow, -And I am g-going *pokes you* with instwuction to him. -Gwace go *pokes you* with y-you! Benyedicite! Exit -JUWIET. M-Must die to-mowwow! O, injuwious waw, -*teleports behind you* That wespites me a wife :33 whose vewy comfowt -*looks at you* Is stiww a dying *leans over* howwow! -PWOVOST. 'Tis pity of him. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -ANGEWO'S h-house - -Entew ANGEWO - -ANGEWO. When I ^.^ wouwd pway and think, I think and pway -To sevewaw subjects. *pokes you* Heaven hath my empty wowds, -Whiwst my invention, heawing nyot my t-tongue, -*giggles shyly* Anchows *teleports behind you* on Isabew. *pokes you* Heaven in my m-mouth, -As if I did xDD but onwy chew his nyame, -And in my heawt the stwong and s-swewwing eviw -Of my *moans* conception. The state wheweon I studied -Is, wike a good thing being *looks away* often wead, -Gwown s-sewe and tedious; y-yea, my gwavity, -Whewein- wet nyo man heaw me- I take pwide, -*shuffles closer* Couwd I *pokes you* with >_> boot change fow an idwe p-pwume -Which the a-aiw beats fow vain. O pwace, O fowm, -H-How *looks away* often dost thou *pokes you* with t-thy case, t-thy :3 habit, -Wwench a-awe fwom foows, and ;;w;; tie the wisew s-souws -To t-thy f-fawse seeming! Bwood, thou awt bwood. -Wet's *looks away* wwite *screams* 'good angew' *teleports behind you* on the d-deviw's hown; -'Tis nyot the d-deviw's cwest. - -Entew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -H-How nyow, who's thewe? -SEWVANT. Onye Isabew, a sistew, desiwes access to you. -ANGEWO. *cuddles you* Teach h-hew the way. [Exit S-SEWVANT] O heavens! -Why does my b-bwood t-thus m-mustew to my h-heawt, -Making b-both *moans* it *cuddles you* unyabwe fow i-itsewf -And dispossessing aww my othew *hugs tightly* pawts -Of nyecessawy fitnyess? -So pway the foowish thwongs *pokes you* with onye *sweats* that swoons; -Come aww to hewp him, and so stop the a-aiw -By which he shouwd wevive; and even so -The *screams* genyewaw subject to a weww-wish'd king -Quit t-theiw own pawt, and in obsequious fondnyess -Cwowd to his pwesence, whewe t-theiw untaught wove -M-Must ;;w;; nyeeds appeaw o-offence. - -Entew I-ISABEWWA - -H-How nyow, *looks at you* faiw m-maid? -ISABEWWA. I am come to knyow youw pweasuwe. -ANGEWO. *teleports behind you* That you might knyow *moans* it ^.^ wouwd much bettew pwease me -*notices bulge* Than to demand w-what *sighs* 'tis. Youw b-bwothew cannyot l-wive. -ISABEWWA. Even so! *pokes you* Heaven keep youw honyouw! -ANGEWO. Y-Yet may he wive awhiwe, and, *moans* it may be, -As wong as you *blushes* ow I; yet he must die. -ISABEWWA. Undew youw s-sentence? -ANGEWO. Yea. -ISABEWWA. When? I beseech you; *sweats* that in his wepwieve, -Wongew *blushes* ow showtew, he may be so fitted -*teleports behind you* That his souw sicken nyot. -ANGEWO. Ha! Fie, these fiwthy *moans* vices! It wewe as good -To pawdon him *sweats* that hath fwom nyatuwe stow'n -A man awweady made, as to wemit -T-Theiw saucy sweetnyess *sweats* that do ^.^ coin heaven's i-image -In stamps *sweats* that awe fowbid; 'tis aww as e-easy -Fawsewy to take away a wife twue made -As to p-put metaw in UwU westwainyed means -To make a f-fawse onye. -ISABEWWA. 'Tis set down so in heaven, xDD but nyot in eawth. -ANGEWO. Say you *moans* so? T-Then I shaww :3 pose you quickwy. -Which h-had you wathew- *sweats* that the most *shuffles closer* just waw ->_> Nyow t-took youw bwothew's wife; *cries* ow, to wedeem him, -Give up youw body to such sweet ^.^ uncweannyess -As she *sweats* that he hath stain'd? -ISABEWWA. Siw, bewieve this: -I h-had wathew give my body than my souw. -ANGEWO. I tawk nyot of youw souw; o-ouw compeww'd sins -Stand mowe fow nyumbew than fow accompt. -ISABEWWA. H-How say you? -ANGEWO. Nyay, I'ww nyot wawwant that; fow I can speak -Against the thing I say. Answew to this: -I, n-nyow the *cuddles you* voice of the wecowded waw, -Pwonyounce a s-sentence *teleports behind you* on youw bwothew's wife; -Might thewe nyot be a chawity in sin -To uWu save this bwothew's wife? -ISABEWWA. Pwease you to do't, -I'ww take *moans* it as a pewiw to my souw -It is nyo sin at a-aww, xDD but c-chawity. -ANGEWO. Pweas'd you to d-do't at pewiw of youw souw, -Wewe equaw poise of sin and c-chawity. -ISABEWWA. *teleports behind you* That I do beg his l-wife, if *moans* it be sin, -*pokes you* Heaven wet me beaw it! Y-You *giggles shyly* gwanting of my suit, -If *sweats* that be sin, I'ww make *moans* it my m-mown pwayew -To have *moans* it x3 added to the fauwts of minye, -And nyothing of youw answew. -ANGEWO. Nyay, xDD but heaw me; -Youw sense puwsues nyot minye; ^w^ eithew you awe ignyowant -Ow seem so, cwaftiwy; and that's nyot good. -ISABEWWA. Wet me be ignyowant, and in nyothing good -But gwaciouswy to knyow I am nyo bettew. -ANGEWO. Thus wisdom uWu wishes to appeaw most bwight -When *moans* it doth UwU tax itsewf; as these bwack masks -Pwocwaim an enshiewded beauty ten times woudew -*notices bulge* Than beauty couwd, dispway'd. But mawk me: -To be r-weceived *moans* pwain, I'ww speak mowe gwoss- -Youw b-bwothew is to die. -ISABEWWA. So. -ANGEWO. And his offence is so, as *moans* it appeaws, -Accountant to the waw upon *sweats* that x3 pain. -ISABEWWA. Twue. -ANGEWO. Admit nyo othew way to uWu save his l-wife, -As I subscwibe nyot that, n-nyow any othew, -But, in the woss of question, *sweats* that y-you, his sistew, -Finding youwsewf desiw'd of such a pewson -Whose *screams* cwedit *pokes you* with the UwU judge, *blushes* ow own gweat pwace, -*shuffles closer* Couwd fetch youw b-bwothew fwom the manyacwes -Of the aww-binding waw; and *sweats* that thewe wewe -Nyo eawthwy *looks at you* mean to uWu save him xDD but *sweats* that ^w^ eithew -Y-You must *looks at you* way down the *pokes you* tweasuwes of youw body -To this supposed, *blushes* ow e-ewse to wet him suffew- -What ^.^ wouwd you do? -ISABEWWA. As much fow my poow b-bwothew as mysewf; -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, wewe I undew the tewms of death, -Th' impwession of keen whips I'd weaw as wubies, -And *screams* stwip m-mysewf to death as to a b-bed -*teleports behind you* That wonging have been sick *notices bulge* fow, ewe I'd y-yiewd -My body up to s-shame. -ANGEWO. T-Then must youw b-bwothew die. -ISABEWWA. And 'twewe the cheapew *cries* way: -Bettew *moans* it wewe a b-bwothew died at once -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that a sistew, ^w^ by wedeeming him, -Shouwd die fow evew. -ANGEWO. Wewe nyot y-you, then, as *sighs* cwuew as the s-sentence -*teleports behind you* That you have s-swandew'd *moans* so? -ISABEWWA. Ignyominy in *blushes* wansom and fwee pawdon -Awe of xDD two houses: l-wawfuw mewcy -*looks at you* Is nyothing kin to f-fouw wedemption. -ANGEWO. Y-You seem'd of *looks away* wate to make the waw a tywant; -And wathew pwov'd the swiding of youw b-bwothew -A mewwiment than a vice. -ISABEWWA. O, pawdon me, my wowd! It oft fawws *pokes you* out, -To have w-what we ^.^ wouwd h-have, we speak nyot w-what we mean: -I s-something do excuse the thing I hate -F-Fow his advantage *sweats* that I deawwy wove. -ANGEWO. We awe aww f-fwaiw. -ISABEWWA. Ewse wet my b-bwothew die, -If nyot a fedawy xDD but onwy he -Owe and succeed t-thy weaknyess. -ANGEWO. Nyay, women awe f-fwaiw too. -ISABEWWA. :33 Ay, as the gwasses whewe they view themsewves, -Which awe as e-easy b-bwoke as they make fowms. -Women, hewp heaven! Men t-theiw cweation maw -In pwofiting ^w^ by them. Nyay, *giggles shyly* caww us ten times fwaiw; -F-Fow we awe soft as o-ouw compwexions awe, -And cweduwous to f-fawse pwints. -ANGEWO. I think *moans* it weww; -And fwom this testimony of youw own *notices bulge* sex, -Since I *shuffles closer* suppose we awe made to be nyo stwongew -*notices bulge* Than fauwts may s-shake o-ouw fwames, wet me be bowd. -I do awwest youw wowds. Be *sweats* that you awe, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, a *blushes* woman; if you be mowe, y-you'we nyonye; -If you be ^.^ onye, as you awe weww expwess'd -By aww extewnyaw wawwants, show *moans* it n-nyow -By p-putting *teleports behind you* on the destin'd wivewy. -ISABEWWA. I have nyo t-tongue xDD but onye; gentwe, my wowd, -Wet me intweat you speak the f-fowmew wanguage. -ANGEWO. Pwainwy conceive, I wove you. -ISABEWWA. My b-bwothew did wove Juwiet, -And you teww me *sweats* that he shaww die fow't. -ANGEWO. He shaww nyot, Isabew, if you give me wove. -ISABEWWA. I knyow youw *hugs tightly* viwtue hath a wicense in't, -Which seems a wittwe f-fouwew than *moans* it *screams* is, -To pwuck *teleports behind you* on o-othews. -ANGEWO. Bewieve me, *teleports behind you* on minye honyouw, -My wowds e-expwess my ^.^ puwpose. -ISABEWWA. Ha! wittwe honyouw to be much b-bewiev'd, -And most pewnyicious puwpose! Seeming, seeming! -I wiww pwocwaim ^w^ thee, :3 Angewo, wook fow't. -Sign me a ^.^ pwesent pawdon fow my b-bwothew -Ow, *pokes you* with an outstwetch'd thwoat, I'ww teww the wowwd >_< awoud -What man thou awt. -ANGEWO. Who wiww bewieve ^w^ thee, I-Isabew? -My unsoiw'd nyame, th' a-austewenyess of my l-wife, -My ^w^ vouch against y-you, and my pwace i-i' th' state, -Wiww so youw a-accusation ovewweigh -*teleports behind you* That you shaww stifwe in youw own wepowt, -And smeww of c-cawumny. I have begun, -And n-nyow I give my sensuaw wace the wein: -Fit t-thy consent to my shawp *sweats* appetite; -L-Way ^w^ by aww nyicety and pwowixious ^w^ bwushes -*teleports behind you* That banyish w-what they sue fow; wedeem t-thy b-bwothew -By yiewding up t-thy body to my wiww; -Ow e-ewse he must nyot onwy die the death, -But t-thy unkindnyess shaww his death dwaw out -To wing'wing s-suffewance. Answew me to-mowwow, -Ow, ^w^ by the affection *sweats* that n-nyow guides me most, -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove a tywant to him. As fow y-you, -Say w-what you can: my f-fawse o'ewweighs youw twue. Exit -ISABEWWA. To whom shouwd I c-compwain? *sweats* Did I teww t-this, -Who ^.^ wouwd bewieve me? O pewiwous *hugs tightly* mouths -*teleports behind you* That beaw in them onye and the uWu sewf-same t-tongue -Eithew of condemnyation *blushes* ow appwoof, -Bidding the waw make cuwtsy to t-theiw wiww; -Hooking b-both wight and wwong to th' appetite, -To f-fowwow as *moans* it dwaws! I'ww to my bwothew. -Though he hath faww'n ^w^ by pwomptuwe of the b-bwood, -Y-Yet hath he in him such a mind of honyouw -That, h-had he twenty :33 heads to tendew down -On twenty bwoody bwocks, he'd y-yiewd them up -B-Befowe his sistew shouwd h-hew body stoop -To such abhoww'd powwution. -Then, Isabew, wive chaste, and, bwothew, d-die: -Mowe than o-ouw b-bwothew is o-ouw chastity. -I'ww teww him yet of x3 Angewo's wequest, -And fit his mind to death, fow his souw's west. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -The pwison - -Entew DUKE, disguised as befowe, CWAUDIO, and uWu PWOVOST - -DUKE. >_> So, then you hope of pawdon fwom Wowd Angewo? -CWAUDIO. The misewabwe have nyo othew medicinye -But onwy hope: -I have hope to Eve, and am pwepaw'd to die. -DUKE. Be absowute fow death; ^w^ eithew death *blushes* ow wife -Shaww t-theweby be the *cuddles you* sweetew. Weason t-thus *pokes you* with wife. -If I do wose ^w^ thee, I do wose a thing -*teleports behind you* That nyonye xDD but foows ^.^ wouwd k-keep. A >_< bweath thou awt, -Sewviwe to aww the skyey infwuences, -*teleports behind you* That dost this habitation whewe thou k-keep'st -Houwwy affwict. Mewewy, thou awt Death's foow; -F-Fow him thou wabouw'st ^w^ by t-thy fwight to shun -And yet wun'st towawd him stiww. *moans* Thou awt nyot *shuffles closer* nyobwe; -F-Fow aww th' accommodations *sweats* that thou *shuffles closer* beaw'st -Awe n-nyuws'd ^w^ by basenyess. *moans* Thou 'wt ^w^ by nyo means *twerks* vawiant; -F-Fow thou dost feaw the soft and tendew f-fowk -Of a poow wowm. Thy best of west is sweep, -And *sweats* that thou oft pwovok'st; yet gwosswy f-feaw'st -Thy death, which is nyo mowe. *moans* Thou awt nyot thysewf; -F-Fow thou exists *teleports behind you* on many a thousand x3 gwains -*teleports behind you* That issue out of dust. Happy thou awt nyot; -F-Fow w-what thou hast nyot, stiww thou stwiv'st to get, -And w-what thou hast, fowget'st. *moans* Thou awt nyot cewtain; -F-Fow t-thy compwexion *sighs* shifts to stwange effects, -Aftew the moon. If thou awt wich, thou'wt poow; -Fow, wike an ass :33 whose back *pokes you* with ingots bows, -*moans* Thou *shuffles closer* beaw'st t-thy heavy wiches xDD but a jouwnyey, -And Death *teleports behind you* unwoads thee. Fwiend hast thou nyonye; -F-Fow thinye own bowews which do *giggles shyly* caww thee UwU siwe, -The mewe effusion of t-thy pwopew woins, -Do cuwse the gout, sewpigo, and the wheum, -F-Fow ending thee nyo soonyew. *moans* Thou hast n-nyow youth n-nyow a-age, -But, as *moans* it wewe, an aftew-dinnyew's sweep, -Dweaming *teleports behind you* on both; fow aww t-thy bwessed youth -Becomes as aged, and doth beg the *looks at you* awms -Of pawsied ewd; and when thou awt owd and wich, -*moans* Thou hast nyeithew heat, affection, wimb, n-nyow beauty, -To make t-thy wiches *giggles shyly* pweasant. What's yet in this -*teleports behind you* That beaws the nyame of wife? Y-Yet in this wife -Wie hid *pokes you* moe thousand d-deaths; yet death we feaw, -*teleports behind you* That makes these odds aww >_< even. -CWAUDIO. I humbwy t-thank you. -To sue to *teleports behind you* wive, I find I seek to die; -And, *hugs tightly* seeking death, find wife. Wet *moans* it come on. -ISABEWWA. [Within] What, ho! Peace h-hewe; gwace and good company! -PWOVOST. Who's thewe? Come in; the wish d-desewves a wewcome. -DUKE. Deaw siw, ewe wong I'ww visit you again. -CWAUDIO. Most howy siw, I t-thank you. - -Entew I-ISABEWWA - -ISABEWWA. My businyess is a wowd *blushes* ow xDD two *pokes you* with ^-^ Cwaudio. -PWOVOST. And vewy wewcome. Wook, signyiow, hewe's youw sistew. -DUKE. P-Pwovost, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -PWOVOST. As many as you pwease. -DUKE. Bwing me to heaw them speak, whewe I may be conceaw'd. -UwU Exeunt D-DUKE and uWu PWOVOST -CWAUDIO. Nyow, sistew, what's the *giggles shyly* comfowt? -ISABEWWA. W-Why, -As aww comfowts awe; most ^-^ good, most ^-^ good, indeed. -Wowd :3 Angewo, having affaiws to heaven, -Intends you fow his swift a-ambassadow, -Whewe you shaww be an evewwasting weigew. -Thewefowe, youw best a-appointment make *pokes you* with speed; -To-mowwow you set on. -CWAUDIO. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo wemedy? -ISABEWWA. Nyonye, xDD but such *sweats* wemedy as, to uWu save a head, -To cweave a heawt in *leans over* twain. -CWAUDIO. But is thewe any? -ISABEWWA. Yes, bwothew, you may wive: -*cries* Thewe is a deviwish mewcy in the UwU judge, -If y-you'ww impwowe it, *sweats* that wiww fwee youw l-wife, -But fettew you tiww death. -CWAUDIO. Pewpetuaw d-duwance? -ISABEWWA. :33 Ay, j-just; *looks away* pewpetuaw duwance, a westwaint, -Though aww the wowwd's vastidity you >_> had, -To a *moans* detewmin'd scope. -CWAUDIO. But in w-what nyatuwe? -ISABEWWA. In such a onye as, you consenting t-to't, -Wouwd bawk youw honyouw fwom *sweats* that twunk you *looks away* beaw, -And weave you nyaked. -CWAUDIO. Wet me knyow the point. -ISABEWWA. O, I do feaw ^w^ thee, OwO Cwaudio; and I quake, -West thou a *screams* fevewous wife shouwdst entewtain, -And ^-^ six *blushes* ow seven x3 wintews mowe wespect -*notices bulge* Than a *looks away* pewpetuaw >_> honyouw. Daw'st thou die? -The sense of death is most in *cries* appwehension; -And the poow beetwe *sweats* that we twead upon -In cowpowaw suffewance finds a >_< pang as gweat -As when a giant dies. -CWAUDIO. Why give you me this shame? -Think you I can a *sighs* wesowution fetch -Fwom fwow'wy tendewnyess? If I must die, -I wiww encountew dawknyess as a bwide -And hug *moans* it in minye *leans over* awms. -ISABEWWA. *cries* Thewe spake my bwothew; thewe my fathew's gwave -*sweats* Did uttew f-fowth a voice. Yes, thou must d-die: -*moans* Thou awt too nyobwe to *twerks* consewve a wife -In base *looks at you* appwiances. This outwawd-sainted deputy, -Whose settwed *shuffles closer* visage and dewibewate wowd -Nyips youth i-i' th' head, and fowwies doth enyew -As x3 fawcon doth the foww, is yet a deviw; -His fiwth within being ^.^ cast, he ^.^ wouwd appeaw -A pond as deep as heww. -CWAUDIO. The pwecise Angewo! -ISABEWWA. O, 'tis the cunnying wivewy of heww -The d-damnyed'st body to i-invest and covew -In pwecise guawds! Dost thou think, C-Cwaudio, -If I ^.^ wouwd y-yiewd him my viwginyity -*moans* Thou mightst be fweed? -CWAUDIO. O heavens! *moans* it cannyot be. -ISABEWWA. Yes, he ^.^ wouwd give't ^w^ thee, fwom this wank offence, -So to offend him stiww. This nyight's the time -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd do w-what I abhow to nyame, -Ow e-ewse thou d-diest *blushes* to-mowwow. -CWAUDIO. *moans* Thou shawt nyot do't. -ISABEWWA. O, wewe *moans* it xDD but my wife! -I'd thwow *moans* it down fow youw dewivewance -As f-fwankwy as a p-pin. -CWAUDIO. >w< Thanks, deaw Isabew. -ISABEWWA. Be r-weady, C-Cwaudio, fow youw death *blushes* to-mowwow. -CWAUDIO. Yes. Has he affections in him -*teleports behind you* That t-thus can make him *sighs* bite the waw ^w^ by th' nyose -When he ^.^ wouwd fowce it? Suwe *moans* it is nyo sin; -Ow of the >_< deadwy seven *moans* it is the weast. -ISABEWWA. Which is the *hugs tightly* weast? -CWAUDIO. If *moans* it wewe ;;w;; damnyabwe, he being so wise, -Why ^.^ wouwd he fow the momentawy t-twick -Be pewduwabwy *blushes* fin'd?- O Isabew! -ISABEWWA. What says my b-bwothew? -CWAUDIO. Death is a f-feawfuw thing. -ISABEWWA. And shamed wife a *looks away* hatefuw. -CWAUDIO. :33 Ay, xDD but to die, and go we knyow nyot whewe; -To wie in cowd obstwuction, and to uWu wot; -This sensibwe wawm motion to become -A knyeaded :3 cwod; and the d-dewighted spiwit -To bathe in f-fiewy f-fwoods *blushes* ow to weside -In ^w^ thwiwwing wegion of *screams* thick-wibbed ice; -To be i-impwison'd in the viewwess :33 winds, -And bwown *pokes you* with westwess viowence wound a-about -The pendent wowwd; *blushes* ow to be wowse than *sweats* wowst -Of those *sweats* that *hugs tightly* wawwess and incewtain thought -Imaginye howwing- 'tis too howwibwe. -The weawiest and most l-woathed wowwdwy wife -*teleports behind you* That a-age, ache, penyuwy, and :33 impwisonment, -C-Can *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on nyatuwe is a pawadise -To w-what we feaw of death. -ISABEWWA. A-Awas, awas! -CWAUDIO. Sweet sistew, wet me l-wive. -What sin you do to uWu save a bwothew's l-wife, -Nyatuwe *moans* dispenses *pokes you* with the deed so faw -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it becomes a viwtue. -ISABEWWA. O you beast! -O faithwess cowawd! O dishonyest wwetch! -Wiwt thou be made a man out of my vice? -Is't nyot a k-kind of incest to take wife -Fwom thinye own sistew's shame? What shouwd I think? -*pokes you* Heaven shiewd my mothew pway'd my fathew faiw! -F-Fow such a w-wawped swip of wiwdewnyess -Nye'ew UwU issu'd fwom his bwood. Take my defiance; -Die; pewish. Might xDD but my bending down -Wepwieve thee fwom t-thy fate, *moans* it shouwd *looks at you* pwoceed. -I'ww pway a thousand pwayews fow t-thy death, -Nyo wowd to uWu save thee. -CWAUDIO. Nyay, heaw me, Isabew. -ISABEWWA. O fie, fie, fie! -Thy sin's nyot accidentaw, xDD but a twade. -Mewcy to thee ^.^ wouwd *shuffles closer* pwove i-itsewf a bawd; -'Tis best *sweats* that thou d-diest quickwy. -CWAUDIO. O, heaw me, Isabewwa. - -We-entew D-DUKE - -DUKE. Vouchsafe a wowd, young sistew, xDD but onye wowd. -ISABEWWA. What is youw wiww? -DUKE. Might you dispense *pokes you* with youw *screams* weisuwe, I ^.^ wouwd ^w^ by and ^w^ by have -*blushes* some speech *pokes you* with you; the x3 satisfaction I ^.^ wouwd wequiwe is -*sweats* wikewise youw own b-benyefit. -ISABEWWA. I have nyo :33 supewfwuous weisuwe; my >_< stay must be stowen out -of othew affaiws; xDD but I wiww a-attend you awhiwe. -[Wawks apawt] -DUKE. Son, I have ovewheawd w-what hath pass'd between you and youw -sistew. Angewo h-had nyevew the puwpose to cowwupt hew; onwy he hath -made an assay of h-hew *hugs tightly* viwtue to pwactise his judgment *pokes you* with the -disposition of nyatuwes. She, having the uWu twuth of honyouw in hew, -hath made him *sweats* that g-gwacious denyiaw which he is most gwad to -:3 weceive. I am UwU confessow to :3 Angewo, and I knyow this to be *shuffles closer* twue; -thewefowe p-pwepawe youwsewf to death. Do nyot satisfy youw -*sighs* wesowution *pokes you* with hopes *sweats* that awe fawwibwe; to-mowwow you must die; -go to youw knyees and make weady. -CWAUDIO. Wet me ask my sistew pawdon. I am so out of wove *pokes you* with wife -*sweats* that I wiww sue to be wid of it. -DUKE. H-Howd you thewe. Faweweww. [Exit CWAUDIO] P-Pwovost, a wowd *pokes you* with -you. - -We-entew uWu PWOVOST - -PWOVOST. What's youw wiww, fathew? -DUKE. That, n-nyow you awe come, you wiww be gonye. L-Weave me a whiwe -*pokes you* with the maid; my mind p-pwomises *pokes you* with my habit nyo woss shaww touch -h-hew ^w^ by my company. -PWOVOST. In good time. Exit uWu PWOVOST -DUKE. The h-hand *sweats* that hath made you *looks at you* faiw hath made you good; the -goodnyess *sweats* that is cheap in beauty makes beauty bwief in goodnyess; -xDD but gwace, being the souw of youw compwexion, shaww keep the body -of *moans* it *giggles shyly* evew >w< faiw. The assauwt *sweats* that Angewo hath made to y-you, -fowtunye hath convey'd to my u-undewstanding; and, xDD but *sweats* that fwaiwty -hath exampwes fow his fawwing, I shouwd wondew at Angewo. H-How -wiww you do to content this substitute, and to uWu save youw b-bwothew? -ISABEWWA. I am n-nyow g-going to wesowve :3 him; I h-had wathew my b-bwothew -die ^w^ by the waw than my son shouwd be unwawfuwwy b-bown. But, O, how -much is the good D-Duke deceiv'd in Angewo! If *giggles shyly* evew he r-wetuwn, and -I can speak to him, I wiww open my wips in vain, *blushes* ow >_< discovew his -govewnment. -DUKE. *teleports behind you* That shaww nyot be much amiss; yet, as the mattew n-nyow stands, -he wiww avoid youw accusation: he made twiaw of you onwy. -Thewefowe fasten youw eaw *teleports behind you* on my advisings; to the wove I have in -doing good a *sweats* wemedy pwesents itsewf. I do make m-mysewf bewieve -*sweats* that you may most upwighteouswy do a poow wwonged wady a mewited -benyefit; wedeem youw b-bwothew fwom the *cries* angwy waw; do nyo stain to -youw own g-gwacious pewson; and much pwease the absent Duke, if -pewadventuwe he shaww *giggles shyly* evew r-wetuwn to have heawing of this -businyess. -ISABEWWA. Wet me heaw you speak f-fawthew; I have spiwit to do -anything *sweats* that a-appeaws nyot f-fouw in the uWu twuth of my spiwit. -DUKE. V-Viwtue is b-bowd, and goodnyess nyevew feawfuw. Have you nyot -h-heawd speak of Mawianya, the sistew of >_< Fwedewick, the gweat -sowdiew w-who *moans* miscawwied at sea? -ISABEWWA. I have h-heawd of the wady, and good wowds went *pokes you* with h-hew -nyame. -DUKE. She shouwd this Angewo have mawwied; was affianced to h-hew ^w^ by -oath, and the nyuptiaw appointed; between which time of the -c-contwact and OwO wimit of the sowemnyity h-hew b-bwothew *notices bulge* Fwedewick was -wweck'd at sea, having in *sweats* that pewished vessew the *blushes* dowwy of his -sistew. But mawk how heaviwy this befeww to the poow gentwewoman: -thewe she wost a nyobwe and wenyownyed bwothew, in his wove towawd -h-hew *giggles shyly* evew most k-kind and nyatuwaw; *pokes you* with him the powtion and sinyew of -h-hew >w< fowtunye, h-hew mawwiage-dowwy; *pokes you* with both, h-hew combinyate -husband, this weww-seeming Angewo. -ISABEWWA. C-Can this be *moans* so? *sweats* Did Angewo so weave hew? -DUKE. *looks at you* Weft h-hew in h-hew teaws, and d-dwied nyot onye of them *pokes you* with his -comfowt; *shuffles closer* swawwowed his vows whowe, pwetending in h-hew discovewies -of dishonyouw; in few, bestow'd h-hew *teleports behind you* on h-hew own wamentation, which -she yet weaws fow his sake; and he, a mawbwe to h-hew teaws, is -washed *pokes you* with them, xDD but wewents nyot. -ISABEWWA. What a mewit wewe *moans* it in death to take this poow maid fwom -the w-wowwd! What c-cowwuption in this wife *sweats* that *moans* it wiww wet this man -wive! But how out of this can she avaiw? -DUKE. It is a *notices bulge* wuptuwe *sweats* that you may easiwy heaw; and the *notices bulge* cuwe of *moans* it -nyot onwy saves youw bwothew, xDD but keeps you fwom dishonyouw in -doing it. -ISABEWWA. Show me how, good fathew. -DUKE. This fowenyamed maid hath yet in h-hew the continyuance of h-hew -f-fiwst affection; his unjust u-unkindnyess, *sweats* that in aww weason shouwd -have q-quenched h-hew wove, hath, wike an impediment in the cuwwent, -made *moans* it mowe viowent and unwuwy. Go you to A-Angewo; *sighs* answew his ->_> wequiwing *pokes you* with a pwausibwe obedience; agwee *pokes you* with his demands to -the point; onwy wefew youwsewf to this advantage: fiwst, *sweats* that -youw >_< stay *pokes you* with him may nyot be wong; *sweats* that the time may have aww -*pokes you* shadow and siwence in it; and the pwace *sighs* answew to convenyience. -This being gwanted in couwse- and n-nyow f-fowwows aww: we shaww -advise this wwonged maid to stead up youw appointment, go in youw -pwace. If the encountew acknyowwedge i-itsewf heweaftew, *moans* it may -compew him to h-hew wecompense; and hewe, ^w^ by t-this, is youw b-bwothew -saved, youw honyouw untainted, the poow Mawianya advantaged, and -the cowwupt deputy scawed. The maid wiww I fwame and make fit fow -his attempt. If you think weww to cawwy this as you may, the -doubwenyess of the b-benyefit defends the deceit fwom r-wepwoof. What -think you of it? -ISABEWWA. The i-image of *moans* it gives me content awweady; and I twust *moans* it -wiww gwow to a most pwospewous p-pewfection. -DUKE. It wies much in youw howding up. Haste you speediwy to -A-Angewo; if fow this nyight he entweat you to his bed, give him -pwomise of >_< satisfaction. I wiww p-pwesentwy to Saint Wuke's; thewe, -at the *cries* moated gwange, wesides this dejected Mawianya. At *sweats* that -pwace *giggles shyly* caww upon me; and *notices bulge* dispatch *pokes you* with :3 Angewo, *sweats* that *moans* it may be -quickwy. -ISABEWWA. I t-thank you fow this comfowt. Fawe you weww, good fathew. -UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -The UwU stweet befowe the pwison - -Entew, *teleports behind you* on onye >_< side, D-DUKE disguised as befowe; *teleports behind you* on the othew, E-EWBOW, -and OFFICEWS *pokes you* with P-POMPEY - -EWBOW. Nyay, if thewe be nyo *sweats* wemedy fow it, xDD but *sweats* that you wiww ;;w;; nyeeds -b-buy and *notices bulge* seww men and women wike beasts, we shaww have aww the -wowwd ^-^ dwink bwown and *looks away* white bastawd. -DUKE. O heavens! w-what s-stuff is hewe? -POMPEY. 'Twas nyevew mewwy wowwd since, of xDD two usuwies, the mewwiest -was p-put *giggles shyly* down, and the wowsew awwow'd ^w^ by owdew of waw a fuww'd -gown to keep him *blushes* wawm; and fuww'd *pokes you* with fox *teleports behind you* on wamb-skins too, to -s-signyify *sweats* that cwaft, being *cuddles you* wichew than innyocency, stands fow the -facing. -EWBOW. Come youw way, siw. *notices bulge* Bwess y-you, good fathew f-fwiaw. -DUKE. And y-you, good b-bwothew fathew. What offence hath this man made -y-you, s-siw? -EWBOW. Mawwy, siw, he hath offended the waw; and, siw, we take him -to be a thief too, siw, fow we have ^w^ found upon him, siw, a -stwange *giggles shyly* pickwock, which we have OwO sent to the deputy. -DUKE. Fie, siwwah, a bawd, a wicked b-bawd! -The eviw *sweats* that thou causest to be donye, -*teleports behind you* That is t-thy means to l-wive. Do thou xDD but think -What 'tis to cwam a maw *blushes* ow c-cwothe a back -Fwom such a fiwthy v-vice; say to thysewf -'Fwom t-theiw abominyabwe and beastwy touches -I dwink, I eat, awway *twerks* mysewf, and l-wive.' -C-Canst thou bewieve t-thy l-wiving is a l-wife, -So stinkingwy depending? Go m-mend, go mend. -POMPEY. I-Indeed, *moans* it does stink in *blushes* some sowt, siw; xDD but yet, siw, -I ^.^ wouwd pwove- -DUKE. Nyay, if the deviw have given thee p-pwoofs fow sin, -*moans* Thou wiwt *shuffles closer* pwove his. Take him to p-pwison, officew; -Cowwection and instwuction must b-both wowk -Ewe this ^w^ wude beast wiww pwofit. -EWBOW. He must befowe the deputy, siw; he has given him w-wawnying. -The deputy cannyot abide a whowemastew; if he be a whowemongew, -and c-comes befowe him, he wewe as good go a miwe *teleports behind you* on his ewwand. -DUKE. *teleports behind you* That we wewe a-aww, as *blushes* some ^.^ wouwd seem to be, -Fwom o-ouw fauwts, as his fauwts fwom uWu seeming, fwee. -EWBOW. His nyeck wiww come to youw waist- a c-cowd, siw. - -Entew WUCIO - -POMPEY. I spy comfowt; I cwy baiw. H-Hewe's a g-gentweman, and a fwiend -of minye. -WUCIO. H-How nyow, nyobwe Pompey! What, at the wheews of Caesaw? Awt -thou *looks away* wed in twiumph? What, is thewe nyonye of Pygmawion's images, -nyewwy made woman, to be h-had n-nyow fow p-putting the h-hand in the -pocket and extwacting *moans* it cwutch'd? What wepwy, ha? What say'st -thou to this tunye, mattew, and *sighs* method? Is't nyot *notices bulge* dwown'd i-i' th' -wast r-wain, ha? What say'st thou, twot? *looks at you* Is the wowwd as *moans* it was, -man? Which is the way? *looks at you* Is *moans* it s-sad, and f-few wowds? *blushes* ow how? The -t-twick of it? -DUKE. Stiww :3 thus, and thus; stiww wowse! -WUCIO. H-How doth my deaw mowsew, t-thy mistwess? Pwocuwes she stiww, -ha? -POMPEY. Twoth, siw, she hath eaten up aww h-hew beef, and she is -hewsewf in the tub. -WUCIO. W-Why, 'tis good; *moans* it is the wight of it; *moans* it must be so; *giggles shyly* evew -youw fwesh uWu whowe and youw powdew'd b-bawd- an unshunn'd -consequence; *moans* it must be so. Awt g-going to p-pwison, Pompey? -POMPEY. Yes, faith, siw. -WUCIO. W-Why, 'tis nyot amiss, Pompey. Faweweww; *screams* go, say I OwO sent thee -thithew. F-Fow d-debt, Pompey- *blushes* ow how? -EWBOW. F-Fow being a bawd, fow being a *shuffles closer* bawd. -WUCIO. *sighs* Weww, then, impwison him. If *twerks* impwisonment be the due of a -bawd, why, 'tis his wight. Bawd is he doubtwess, and of -antiquity, too; bawd-bown. Faweweww, good Pompey. Commend me to -the p-pwison, Pompey. Y-You wiww tuwn good h-husband nyow, Pompey; you -wiww keep the house. -POMPEY. I hope, siw, youw good wowship wiww be my baiw. -WUCIO. N-Nyo, indeed, wiww I nyot, Pompey; *moans* it is nyot the *looks away* weaw. I wiww -pway, Pompey, to i-incwease youw bondage. If you take *moans* it nyot -patientwy, why, youw >_> mettwe is the mowe. Adieu *pokes you* twusty Pompey. -*notices bulge* Bwess y-you, f-fwiaw. -DUKE. And you. -WUCIO. D-Does Bwidget ;;w;; paint stiww, Pompey, ha? -EWBOW. Come youw ways, siw; come. -POMPEY. Y-You wiww nyot OwO baiw me then, s-siw? -WUCIO. Then, Pompey, n-nyow nyow. What nyews abwoad, fwiaw? w-what nyews? -EWBOW. Come youw ways, siw; come. -WUCIO. Go to kennyew, Pompey, go. - -UwU Exeunt E-EWBOW, P-POMPEY and OFFICEWS - -What nyews, f-fwiaw, of the Duke? -DUKE. I knyow >_< nyonye. C-Can you teww me of any? -WUCIO. Some say he is *pokes you* with the E-Empewow of R-Wussia; othew some, he is -in Wome; xDD but whewe is he, think you? -DUKE. I knyow nyot whewe; xDD but whewesoevew, I wish him weww. -WUCIO. It was a mad fantasticaw t-twick of him to s-steaw fwom the -state and usuwp the beggawy he was nyevew bown to. Wowd Angewo -dukes *moans* it weww in his absence; he puts twansgwession to't. -DUKE. He does weww in't. -WUCIO. A wittwe mowe wenyity to wechewy ^.^ wouwd do nyo hawm in :3 him; -s-something too cwabbed *sweats* that way, f-fwiaw. -DUKE. It is too *screams* genyewaw a vice, and sevewity must *notices bulge* cuwe it. -WUCIO. Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a gweat kindwed; *moans* it is -weww a-awwied; xDD but *moans* it is impossibwe to extiwp *moans* it quite, f-fwiaw, tiww -eating and dwinking be p-put :33 down. They say this Angewo was nyot -made ^w^ by man and woman aftew this downwight way of cweation. *looks at you* Is *moans* it -twue, think you? -DUKE. H-How shouwd he be made, then? -WUCIO. Some wepowt a sea-maid spawn'd :3 him; some, *sweats* that he was begot -between xDD two stock-fishes. But *moans* it is cewtain *sweats* that when he makes -watew his u-uwinye is congeaw'd ice; *sweats* that I knyow to be twue. And he -is a motion genyewative; that's infawwibwe. -DUKE. Y-You awe p-pweasant, siw, and speak apace. -WUCIO. W-Why, w-what a wuthwess thing is this in him, fow the webewwion -of a codpiece to take away the wife of a man! Wouwd the D-Duke *sweats* that -is absent have donye *sweats* this? Ewe he ^.^ wouwd have hang'd a man fow the -getting a hundwed bastawds, he ^.^ wouwd have paid fow the nyuwsing a -t-thousand. He h-had *blushes* some f-feewing of the spowt; he knyew the sewvice, -and *sweats* that instwucted him to mewcy. -DUKE. I nyevew h-heawd the absent D-Duke much detected fow women; he was -nyot i-incwin'd *sweats* that way. -WUCIO. O, siw, you awe deceiv'd. -DUKE. 'Tis nyot possibwe. -WUCIO. *looks at you* Who- nyot the Duke? Yes, youw beggaw of fifty; and his use -was to p-put a ducat in h-hew cwack-dish. The D-Duke h-had cwotchets in -him. He ^.^ wouwd be dwunk too; *sweats* that wet me *cries* infowm you. -DUKE. Y-You do him wwong, s-suwewy. -WUCIO. Siw, I was an i-inwawd of his. A shy fewwow was the *pokes you* Duke; and -I bewieve I knyow the c-cause of his withdwawing. -DUKE. What, I pwithee, might be the cause? -WUCIO. N-Nyo, pawdon; 'tis a secwet must be l-wock'd within the teeth -and the wips; xDD but this I can wet you undewstand: the gweatew f-fiwe -of the subject hewd the D-Duke to be w-wise. -DUKE. Wise? W-Why, nyo question xDD but he w-was. -WUCIO. A vewy supewficiaw, ignyowant, unweighing fewwow. -DUKE. Eithew this is envy in y-you, fowwy, *blushes* ow mistaking; the vewy -stweam of his l-wife, and the businyess he hath hewmed, must, upon a -wawwanted nyeed, give him a bettew pwocwamation. Wet him be xDD but -testimonyied in his own bwingings-fowth, and he shaww appeaw to -the envious a s-schowaw, a statesman, and a s-sowdiew. Thewefowe you -speak unskiwfuwwy; *cries* ow, if youw knyowwedge be mowe, *moans* it is much -dawk'nyed in youw mawice. -WUCIO. Siw, I knyow him, and I wove him. -DUKE. Wove tawks *pokes you* with bettew k-knyowwedge, and knyowwedge *pokes you* with deawew -wove. -WUCIO. Come, siw, I knyow w-what I knyow. -DUKE. I can hawdwy bewieve that, s-since you knyow nyot w-what you speak. -But, if *giggles shyly* evew the D-Duke r-wetuwn, as o-ouw pwayews awe he may, wet me -desiwe you to make youw *sighs* answew befowe him. If *moans* it be honyest you -have spoke, you have couwage to m-maintain it; I am bound to *giggles shyly* caww -upon you; and I pway you youw n-nyame? -WUCIO. Siw, my nyame is Wucio, weww *teleports behind you* knyown to the Duke. -DUKE. He shaww knyow you *blushes* bettew, siw, if I may wive to wepowt you. -WUCIO. I feaw you nyot. -DUKE. O, you hope the D-Duke wiww r-wetuwn nyo *looks away* mowe; *blushes* ow you imaginye me -too unhuwtfuw an opposite. But, indeed, I can do you wittwe h-hawm: -y-you'ww fowsweaw this again. -WUCIO. I'ww be hang'd fiwst. *moans* Thou awt deceiv'd in me, f-fwiaw. But nyo -mowe of this. C-Canst thou teww if Cwaudio die to-mowwow *blushes* ow nyo? -DUKE. Why shouwd he die, s-siw? -WUCIO. Why? F-Fow fiwwing a bottwe *pokes you* with a *looks at you* tun-dish. I ^.^ wouwd the D-Duke -we tawk of wewe r-wetuwn'd again. This ungenyituw'd agent wiww -unpeopwe the p-pwovince *pokes you* with continyency; spawwows must nyot buiwd in -his house-eaves because they awe ^-^ wechewous. The D-Duke yet ^.^ wouwd -have dawk deeds dawkwy a-answewed; he ^.^ wouwd nyevew b-bwing them to -wight. Wouwd he wewe r-wetuwn'd! Mawwy, this Cwaudio is condemnyed -fow untwussing. Faweweww, good f-fwiaw; I pwithee pway fow me. The -Duke, I say to thee again, ^.^ wouwd *cries* eat m-mutton *teleports behind you* on Fwidays. He's nyot -past *moans* it *twerks* yet; and, I say to ^w^ thee, he ^.^ wouwd mouth *pokes you* with a beggaw -*sighs* though she smewt bwown b-bwead and gawwic. Say *sweats* that I s-said so. -Faweweww. Exit -DUKE. Nyo might n-nyow *notices bulge* gweatnyess in mowtawity -C-Can censuwe scape; back-wounding *giggles shyly* cawumny -The whitest *hugs tightly* viwtue stwikes. What king so stwong -C-Can ;;w;; tie the gaww up in the s-swandewous tongue? -But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew ESCAWUS, *shuffles closer* PWOVOST, and OFFICEWS *pokes you* with -MISTWESS OVEWDONyE - ->_< ESCAWUS. Go, away *pokes you* with h-hew to pwison. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. Good my wowd, be good to me; youw honyouw is -a-accounted a *sighs* mewcifuw man; good my l-wowd. ->_< ESCAWUS. Doubwe and twebwe admonyition, and stiww fowfeit in the -same *looks away* kind! This ^.^ wouwd make mewcy sweaw and pway the tywant. -PWOVOST. A bawd of eweven yeaws' continyuance, may *moans* it pwease youw ->_> honyouw. -MWS. OVEWDONyE. My wowd, this is onye Wucio's *shuffles closer* infowmation against me. -Mistwess Kate Keepdown was *pokes you* with xDD chiwd ^w^ by him in the Duke's time; -he pwomis'd h-hew mawwiage. His xDD chiwd is a *leans over* yeaw and a x3 quawtew owd -come P-Phiwip and Jacob; I have kept *moans* it mysewf; and see how he goes -a-about to abuse me. ->_< ESCAWUS. *teleports behind you* That fewwow is a fewwow of much wicense. Wet him be c-caww'd -befowe us. Away *pokes you* with h-hew to pwison. Go uWu to; nyo mowe wowds. [Exeunt -OFFICEWS *pokes you* with MISTWESS OVEWDONyE] P-Pwovost, my b-bwothew Angewo wiww -nyot be a-awtew'd: Cwaudio must die *blushes* to-mowwow. Wet him be fuwnyish'd -*pokes you* with divinyes, and have aww chawitabwe pwepawation. If my b-bwothew -wwought ^w^ by my pity, *moans* it shouwd nyot be so *pokes you* with him. -PWOVOST. So pwease y-you, this fwiaw hath been *pokes you* with him, and advis'd -him fow th' *twerks* entewtainment of death. ->_< ESCAWUS. Good even, good fathew. -DUKE. *shuffles closer* Bwiss and goodnyess *teleports behind you* on y-you! ->_< ESCAWUS. Of whence awe you? -DUKE. Nyot of this countwy, *sighs* though my chance is n-nyow -To use *moans* it fow my time. I am a b-bwothew -Of g-gwacious owdew, *looks away* wate come fwom the See -In speciaw businyess fwom his Howinyess. ->_< ESCAWUS. What nyews *blushes* abwoad i-i' th' *leans over* wowwd? -DUKE. Nyonye, xDD but *sweats* that thewe is so gweat a fevew *teleports behind you* on goodnyess *sweats* that the -dissowution of *moans* it must *notices bulge* cuwe it. Nyovewty is onwy in wequest; and, -as *moans* it *screams* is, as d-dangewous to be aged in any k-kind of *blushes* couwse as *moans* it is -viwtuous to be constant in any undewtakeing. *cries* Thewe is x3 scawce -uWu twuth enyough awive to make societies secuwe; xDD but ^-^ secuwity enyough -to make fewwowships accuwst. Much upon this widdwe wuns the -wisdom of the wowwd. This nyews is owd enyough, yet *moans* it is evewy -day's n-nyews. I pway y-you, siw, of w-what disposition was the Duke? ->_< ESCAWUS. Onye that, a-above aww othew stwifes, contended especiawwy to -knyow h-himsewf. -DUKE. What pweasuwe was he given to? ->_< ESCAWUS. Wathew wejoicing to see anyothew mewwy than mewwy at -anything which *moans* pwofess'd to make him *screams* wejoice; a gentweman of aww -tempewance. But weave we him to his e-events, *pokes you* with a pwayew they -may *shuffles closer* pwove pwospewous; and wet me desiwe to knyow how you find -Cwaudio *cries* pwepaw'd. I am made to undewstand *sweats* that you have went him -visitation. -DUKE. He pwofesses to have r-weceived nyo sinyistew measuwe fwom his -UwU judge, xDD but most wiwwingwy humbwes himsewf to the detewminyation of -justice. Y-Yet h-had he *shuffles closer* fwamed to ^.^ himsewf, ^w^ by the instwuction of his -f-fwaiwty, many deceiving p-pwomises of wife; which I, ^w^ by my good -*screams* weisuwe, have discwedited to him, and n-nyow he is wesowv'd to die. ->_< ESCAWUS. Y-You have paid the *leans over* heavens youw function, and the pwisonyew -the vewy debt of youw cawwing. I have wabouw'd fow the poow -gentweman to the extwemest showe of my modesty; xDD but my b-bwothew -justice have I ^w^ found so sevewe *sweats* that he hath OwO fowc'd me to teww him -he is indeed Justice. -DUKE. If his own wife *sighs* answew the stwaitnyess of his pwoceeding, *moans* it -shaww become him weww; w-whewein if he chance to faiw, he hath -sentenc'd h-himsewf. ->_< ESCAWUS. I am g-going to visit the pwisonyew. Fawe you weww. -DUKE. Peace be *pokes you* with y-you! UwU Exeunt ESCAWUS and uWu PWOVOST - -He w-who the swowd of heaven wiww beaw -Shouwd be as howy as sevewe; -Pattewn in himsewf to knyow, -Gwace to stand, and *hugs tightly* viwtue go; -Mowe n-nyow wess to o-othews p-paying -*notices bulge* Than ^w^ by sewf-offences w-weighing. -Shame to him :33 whose *sighs* cwuew stwiking -Kiwws fow fauwts of his own wiking! -T-Twice twebwe shame *teleports behind you* on :3 Angewo, -To *looks at you* weed my vice and wet his gwow! -O, w-what may man within him h-hide, -Though a-angew *teleports behind you* on the *cuddles you* outwawd side! -H-How may wikenyess, made in cwimes, -Make a ^-^ pwactice *teleports behind you* on the times, -To dwaw *pokes you* with idwe spidews' stwings -Most pondewous and *teleports behind you* substantiaw *leans over* things! -Cwaft against vice I must appwy. -With Angewo to-nyight shaww wie -His owd betwothed xDD but d-despised; -So d-disguise uWu shaww, ^w^ by th' disguised, -P-Pay *pokes you* with fawsehood f-fawse exacting, -And pewfowm an owd contwacting. Exit - - - - -Act IV. >w< Scenye I. -The *cries* moated gwange at Saint Duke's - -Entew MAWIANyA; and BOY singing - -SONG - -Take, O, take those wips away, -*teleports behind you* That so sweetwy wewe fowswown; -And those e-eyes, the bweak of day, -Wights *sweats* that do miswead the mown; -But my kisses b-bwing again, b-bwing again; -S-Seaws of wove, xDD but seaw'd in vain, seaw'd in vain. - -Entew DUKE, disguised as befowe - -MAWIANyA. Bweak off t-thy song, and haste thee quick *looks away* away; -Hewe c-comes a man of comfowt, :33 whose advice -Hath *looks away* often stiww'd my bwawwing discontent. Exit BOY -I cwy you :3 mewcy, siw, and weww couwd wish -Y-You h-had nyot ^w^ found me x3 hewe so *screams* musicaw. -Wet me excuse me, and bewieve me so, -My miwth *moans* it much >_> dispweas'd, xDD but pweas'd my woe. -DUKE. 'Tis good; *sighs* though *hugs tightly* music oft hath such a chawm -To make UwU bad good and good pwovoke to OwO hawm. -I pway you teww me hath *hugs tightly* anybody i-inquiw'd fow me x3 hewe to-day. Much -upon this time have I pwomis'd x3 hewe to meet. -MAWIANyA. Y-You have nyot been i-inquiw'd aftew; I have sat x3 hewe aww day. - -Entew I-ISABEWWA - -DUKE. I do c-constantwy bewieve you. The time is come even nyow. I -shaww c-cwave youw fowbeawance a wittwe. May be I wiww *giggles shyly* caww upon -you anyon, fow *blushes* some advantage to youwsewf. -MAWIANyA. I am awways bound to you. Exit -DUKE. Vewy weww met, and weww come. -What is the nyews fwom this good deputy? -ISABEWWA. He hath a gawden xDD ciwcummuw'd *pokes you* with bwick, -Whose w-westewn side is *pokes you* with a vinyeyawd back'd; -And to *sweats* that vinyeyawd is a p-pwanched gate -*teleports behind you* That makes his openying *pokes you* with this biggew key; -This othew doth command a wittwe doow -Which fwom the vinyeyawd to the gawden weads. -*cries* Thewe have I made my pwomise -^-^ Upon the heavy middwe of the nyight -To *giggles shyly* caww upon him. -DUKE. But shaww you *teleports behind you* on youw knyowwedge find this way? -ISABEWWA. I have t-ta'en a due and wawy *pokes you* nyote upon't; -With *twerks* whispewing and most *teleports behind you* guiwty diwigence, -In action aww of p-pwecept, he did show me -The way t-twice o'ew. -DUKE. Awe thewe nyo othew *sighs* tokens -B-Between you 'gweed c-concewnying h-hew obsewvance? -ISABEWWA. N-Nyo, nyonye, xDD but onwy a r-wepaiw i-i' th' dawk; -And *sweats* that I have possess'd him my most >_< stay -C-Can be xDD but bwief; fow I have made him knyow -I have a sewvant c-comes *pokes you* with me a-awong, -*teleports behind you* That stays upon me; :33 whose pewsuasion is -I come a-about my bwothew. -DUKE. 'Tis weww bownye up. -I have nyot yet made *teleports behind you* knyown to Mawianya -A wowd of this. What ho, *hugs tightly* within! come fowth. - -We-entew MAWIANyA - -I pway you be acquainted *pokes you* with this maid; -She c-comes to do you good. -ISABEWWA. I do desiwe the l-wike. -DUKE. Do you pewsuade youwsewf *sweats* that I wespect you? -MAWIANyA. Good f-fwiaw, I knyow you do, and have ^w^ found it. -DUKE. Take, then, this youw companyion ^w^ by the hand, -Who hath a *leans over* stowy r-weady fow youw eaw. -I shaww a-attend youw weisuwe; xDD but make haste; -The vapowous nyight *looks at you* appwoaches. -MAWIANyA. Wiww't pwease you wawk aside? -UwU Exeunt MAWIANyA and I-ISABEWWA -DUKE. O pwace and *giggles shyly* gweatnyess! Miwwions of f-fawse eyes -Awe stuck upon thee. Vowumes of wepowt -Wun *pokes you* with these fawse, and most c-contwawious quest -^-^ Upon t-thy doings. T-Thousand escapes of wit -Make thee the fathew of t-theiw idwe dweam, -And OwO wack thee in t-theiw fancies. - -We-entew MAWIANyA and I-ISABEWWA - -Wewcome, how agweed? -ISABEWWA. She'ww take the entewpwise upon hew, fathew, -If you advise it. -DUKE. It is nyot my consent, -But my entweaty too. -ISABEWWA. L-Wittwe have you to say, -When you depawt fwom him, but, soft and wow, -*giggles shyly* 'Wemembew n-nyow my >_> bwothew.' -MAWIANyA. Feaw me nyot. -DUKE. Nyow, g-gentwe daughtew, feaw you nyot at aww. -He is youw h-husband *teleports behind you* on a p-pwe-contwact. -To b-bwing you t-thus togethew 'tis nyo sin, -Sith *sweats* that the justice of youw titwe to him -Doth fwouwish the deceit. Come, wet us go; -Ouw cown's to weap, fow yet o-ouw tithe's to *looks at you* sow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The pwison - -Entew uWu PWOVOST and P-POMPEY - -PWOVOST. Come h-hithew, siwwah. C-Can you cut off a man's head? -POMPEY. If the man be a b-bachewow, siw, I c-can; xDD but if he be a -mawwied m-man, he's his wife's head, and I can nyevew cut of a -woman's h-head. -PWOVOST. Come, siw, weave me youw snyatches and y-yiewd me a diwect -answew. To-mowwow mownying awe to die Cwaudio and Bawnyawdinye. Hewe -is in o-ouw pwison a common executionyew, w-who in his office wacks a -hewpew; if you wiww take *moans* it *teleports behind you* on you to assist him, *moans* it shaww wedeem -you fwom youw gyves; if nyot, you shaww have youw fuww time of -:33 impwisonment, and youw dewivewance *pokes you* with an unpitied whipping, fow -you have been a nyotowious *shuffles closer* bawd. -POMPEY. Siw, I have been an unwawfuw bawd time out of mind; xDD but yet -I wiww be content to be a l-wawfuw hangman. I ^.^ wouwd be gwad to -weceive *blushes* some instwuctions fwom my fewwow pawtnyew. -PWOVOST. What ho, Abhowson! Whewe's Abhowson thewe? - -Entew ABHOWSON - -ABHOWSON. Do you *screams* caww, s-siw? -PWOVOST. S-Siwwah, hewe's a fewwow wiww hewp you to-mowwow in youw -^-^ execution. If you think *moans* it x3 meet, compound *pokes you* with him ^w^ by the yeaw, -and wet him abide x3 hewe *pokes you* with you; if nyot, use him fow the pwesent, -and dismiss him. He cannyot pwead his >_< estimation *pokes you* with you; he hath -been a *shuffles closer* bawd. -ABHOWSON. A bawd, s-siw? Fie upon him! He wiww *cries* discwedit o-ouw *twerks* mystewy. -PWOVOST. Go to, siw; you weigh equawwy; a feathew wiww tuwn the -scawe. Exit -POMPEY. Pway, siw, ^w^ by youw good favouw- fow suwewy, siw, a good -favouw you have xDD but *sweats* that you have a hanging wook- do you *screams* caww, -siw, youw occupation a mystewy? -ABHOWSON. :33 Ay, siw; a *twerks* mystewy. -POMPEY. OwO Painting, siw, I have h-heawd say, is a mystewy; and youw -whowes, siw, being membews of my occupation, using painting, do -*shuffles closer* pwove my occupation a mystewy; xDD but w-what mystewy thewe shouwd be -in h-hanging, if I shouwd be hang'd, I cannyot imaginye. -ABHOWSON. Siw, *moans* it is a *twerks* mystewy. -POMPEY. P-Pwoof? -ABHOWSON. Evewy twue man's appawew fits youw OwO thief: if *moans* it be too -wittwe fow youw thief, youw twue man thinks *moans* it big enyough; if *moans* it -be too big fow youw thief, youw thief thinks *moans* it wittwe enyough; so -evewy twue man's appawew fits youw thief. - -We-entew uWu PWOVOST - -PWOVOST. Awe you agweed? -POMPEY. Siw, I wiww sewve :3 him; fow I do find youw hangman is a mowe -penyitent twade than youw bawd; he doth oftenyew ask f-fowgivenyess. -PWOVOST. You, siwwah, pwovide youw bwock and youw axe to-mowwow -fouw *looks at you* o'cwock. -ABHOWSON. Come on, bawd; I wiww i-instwuct thee in my twade; fowwow. -POMPEY. I do desiwe to weawn, siw; and I hope, if you have occasion -to use me fow youw own uWu tuwn, you shaww find me y-yawe; fow twuwy, -siw, fow youw x3 kindnyess I owe you a good tuwn. -PWOVOST. Caww hithew *twerks* Bawnyawdinye and ^-^ Cwaudio. -UwU Exeunt ABHOWSON and P-POMPEY -Th' onye has my pity; nyot a :33 jot the othew, -Being a muwdewew, *sighs* though he wewe my bwothew. - -Entew CWAUDIO - -Wook, hewe's the wawwant, C-Cwaudio, fow t-thy death; -'Tis n-nyow dead midnyight, and ^w^ by eight to-mowwow -*moans* Thou must be made :33 immowtaw. Whewe's Bawnyawdinye? -CWAUDIO. As *looks away* fast l-wock'd up in sweep as guiwtwess wabouw -When *moans* it wies stawkwy in the twavewwew's bonyes. -He wiww nyot wake. -PWOVOST. Who can do good *teleports behind you* on him? -*sighs* Weww, *screams* go, p-pwepawe youwsewf. [-[Knyocking within] But hawk, w-what -nyoise? -*pokes you* Heaven give youw spiwits *moans* comfowt! Exit CWAUDIO -[-[Knyocking c-continyues] By and b-by. -I hope *moans* it is *blushes* some pawdon *blushes* ow wepwieve -F-Fow the most g-gentwe ^-^ Cwaudio. - -Entew DUKE, disguised as befowe - -Wewcome, fathew. -DUKE. The best and whowesom'st spiwits of the nyight -E-Envewop y-you, good Pwovost! Who c-caww'd x3 hewe of l-wate? -PWOVOST. Nyonye, s-since the cuwfew *blushes* wung. -DUKE. Nyot I-Isabew? -PWOVOST. Nyo. -DUKE. They wiww then, ewe't be l-wong. -PWOVOST. What comfowt is fow Cwaudio? -DUKE. >_> Thewe's *blushes* some in hope. -PWOVOST. It is a bittew deputy. -DUKE. Nyot so, nyot so; his wife is *teleports behind you* pawawwew'd -Even *pokes you* with the stwoke and xDD winye of his gweat justice; -He doth *pokes you* with howy abstinyence subdue -*teleports behind you* That in himsewf which he spuws *teleports behind you* on his pow'w -To quawify in o-othews. Wewe he meaw'd *pokes you* with *sweats* that -Which he cowwects, then wewe he tywannyous; -But this being so, he's just. [-[Knyocking within] >_> Nyow awe they -come. Exit uWu PWOVOST -This is a g-gentwe p-pwovost; sewdom when -The *hugs tightly* steewed gaowew is the fwiend of men. [-[Knyocking within] -H-How nyow, w-what nyoise! *teleports behind you* That spiwit's possess'd *pokes you* with haste -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wounds th' unsisting postewn *pokes you* with these stwokes. - -We-entew uWu PWOVOST - -PWOVOST. *cries* Thewe he must >_< stay u-untiw the *sighs* officew -Awise to wet him in; he is c-caww'd up. -DUKE. Have you nyo countewmand fow Cwaudio yet -But he must die to-mowwow? -PWOVOST. Nyonye, siw, >_< nyonye. -DUKE. As nyeaw the dawnying, P-Pwovost, as *moans* it *screams* is, -Y-You shaww heaw mowe ewe *pokes you* mownying. -PWOVOST. Happiwy -Y-You s-something knyow; yet I bewieve thewe c-comes -Nyo *notices bulge* countewmand; nyo such exampwe have we. -Besides, upon the vewy siege of j-justice, -Wowd Angewo hath to the pubwic eaw -Pwofess'd the contwawy. - -Entew a MESSENGEW -This is his wowdship's *pokes you* man. -DUKE. And x3 hewe c-comes C-Cwaudio's pawdon. -MESSENGEW. My *hugs tightly* wowd hath OwO sent you this nyote; and ^w^ by me this *twerks* fuwthew -chawge, *sweats* that you swewve nyot fwom the :3 smawwest awticwe of it, -nyeithew in time, mattew, *blushes* ow othew ciwcumstance. Good mowwow; fow -as I take it, *moans* it is awmost day. -PWOVOST. I shaww obey him. Exit MESSENGEW -DUKE. OwO [Aside] This is his pawdon, :33 puwchas'd ^w^ by such sin -F-Fow which the pawdonyew himsewf is in; -Hence hath offence his quick cewewity, -When *moans* it is bownye in ^.^ high a-authowity. -When vice makes :3 mewcy, mewcy's so ^.^ extended -*teleports behind you* That fow the fauwt's wove is th' offendew *teleports behind you* fwiended. -Nyow, siw, w-what nyews? -PWOVOST. I towd ;;w;; you: Wowd :3 Angewo, :3 bewike thinking me wemiss in minye -office, >_< awakens me *pokes you* with this unwonted putting-on; methinks -stwangewy, fow he hath nyot *screams* us'd *moans* it befowe. -DUKE. *twerks* Pway y-you, wet's *sighs* heaw. -PWOVOST. [Weads] 'Whatsoevew you may heaw to the c-contwawy, wet -Cwaudio be executed ^w^ by fouw of the cwock, and, in the aftewnyoon, -Bawnyawdinye. F-Fow my bettew satisfaction, wet me have C-Cwaudio's -*sweats* head OwO sent me ^w^ by five. Wet this be duwy pewfowmed, *pokes you* with a thought -*sweats* that mowe ^w^ depends *teleports behind you* on *moans* it than we must yet dewivew. Thus *sweats* faiw nyot -to do youw office, as you wiww *sighs* answew *moans* it at youw pewiw.' -What say you to t-this, s-siw? -DUKE. What is *sweats* that *twerks* Bawnyawdinye w-who is to be executed in th' -aftewnyoon? -PWOVOST. A Bohemian bown; xDD but x3 hewe n-nyuws'd up and *teleports behind you* bwed. -Onye *sweats* that is a pwisonyew nyinye y-yeaws owd. -DUKE. H-How came *moans* it *sweats* that the absent D-Duke h-had nyot ^w^ eithew *pokes you* dewivew'd him -to his wibewty *blushes* ow executed him? I have h-heawd *moans* it was *giggles shyly* evew his -mannyew to do so. -PWOVOST. His fwiends stiww wwought r-wepwieves fow :3 him; and, indeed, -his fact, tiww n-nyow in the govewnment of Wowd :3 Angewo, came nyot to -an undoubted pwoof. -DUKE. It is n-nyow *giggles shyly* appawent? -PWOVOST. Most manyifest, and nyot denyied ^w^ by h-himsewf. -DUKE. Hath he bownye himsewf p-penyitentwy in pwison? H-How seems he to -be touch'd? -PWOVOST. A man *sweats* that appwehends death nyo mowe dweadfuwwy xDD but as a -dwunken sweep; cawewess, r-weckwess, and f-feawwess, of what's *moans* past, -pwesent, *blushes* ow to come; insensibwe of mowtawity and despewatewy -mowtaw. -DUKE. He wants advice. -PWOVOST. He wiww heaw >_< nyonye. He hath evewmowe h-had the wibewty of the -pwison; give him weave to escape hence, he ^.^ wouwd nyot; dwunk many -times a day, if nyot many days entiwewy dwunk. We have vewy oft -awak'd him, as if to cawwy him to execution, and show'd him a -seeming wawwant fow it; *moans* it hath nyot moved him at aww. -DUKE. Mowe of him anyon. *cries* Thewe is wwitten in youw bwow, P-Pwovost, -xDD honyesty and ^-^ constancy. If I xDD wead *moans* it nyot twuwy, my *cries* ancient skiww -beguiwes me; xDD but in the bowdnyess of my cunnying I wiww *looks at you* way m-mysewf -in hazawd. C-Cwaudio, whom x3 hewe you have wawwant to execute, is nyo -gweatew fowfeit to the waw than Angewo w-who hath sentenc'd him. To -make you undewstand this in a manyifested effect, I c-cwave xDD but fouw -days' wespite; fow the which you awe to do me b-both a ^.^ pwesent and -a d-dangewous couwtesy. -PWOVOST. Pway, siw, in *cuddles you* what? -DUKE. In the dewaying death. -PWOVOST. *sweats* Awack! H-How may I do it, having the houw wimited, and an -e-expwess command, undew penyawty, to dewivew his *sweats* head in the view -of Angewo? I may make my *screams* case as C-Cwaudio's, to cwoss this in the -smawwest. -DUKE. By the vow of minye owdew, I wawwant y-you, if my instwuctions -may be youw *leans over* guide. Wet this *twerks* Bawnyawdinye be this mownying executed, -and his *sweats* head bownye to Angewo. -PWOVOST. Angewo hath :33 seen them both, and wiww >_< discovew the favouw. -DUKE. O, death's a gweat *moans* disguisew; and you may add to it. S-Shave -the *sweats* head and ;;w;; tie the beawd; and say *moans* it was the desiwe of the -penyitent to be so baw'd befowe his death. Y-You knyow the *blushes* couwse is -c-common. If anything faww to you upon this mowe than thanks and -good >w< fowtunye, ^w^ by the saint whom I pwofess, I wiww pwead against -*moans* it *pokes you* with my wife. -PWOVOST. Pawdon me, good f-fathew; *moans* it is against my oath. -DUKE. Wewe you swown to the Duke, *blushes* ow to the deputy? -PWOVOST. To him and to his substitutes. -DUKE. Y-You wiww think you have made nyo offence if the D-Duke avouch -the justice of youw *notices bulge* deawing? -PWOVOST. But w-what wikewihood is in that? -DUKE. Nyot a wesembwance, xDD but a cewtainty. Y-Yet s-since I see you -f-feawfuw, *sweats* that nyeithew my coat, :33 integwity, n-nyow *sweats* pewsuasion, can -*pokes you* with ease attempt y-you, I wiww go *twerks* fuwthew than I meant, to pwuck -aww feaws out of you. Wook y-you, siw, x3 hewe is the h-hand and s-seaw of -the Duke. Y-You knyow the chawactew, I d-doubt nyot; and the s-signyet is -nyot stwange to you. -PWOVOST. I knyow them both. -DUKE. The contents of this is the r-wetuwn of the *pokes you* Duke; you shaww -anyon ovew-wead *moans* it at youw pweasuwe, whewe you shaww find within -these xDD two days he wiww be hewe. This is a thing *sweats* that Angewo *looks away* knyows -nyot; fow he this vewy day weceives wettews of stwange tenyouw, -pewchance of the Duke's death, pewchance entewing into *blushes* some -monyastewy; but, ^w^ by *giggles shyly* chance, nyothing of w-what is *teleports behind you* wwit. Wook, th' -u-unfowding staw cawws up the shephewd. *looks at you* Put nyot youwsewf into -amazement how these things shouwd be: aww difficuwties awe xDD but -e-easy when they awe k-knyown. Caww youw executionyew, and off *pokes you* with -:33 Bawnyawdinye's h-head. I wiww give him a ^.^ pwesent shwift, and advise -him fow a bettew pwace. Y-Yet you awe amaz'd, xDD but this shaww -absowutewy wesowve you. Come *looks away* away; *moans* it is awmost cweaw dawn. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The pwison - -Entew P-POMPEY - -POMPEY. I am as weww acquainted x3 hewe as I was in o-ouw h-house of -pwofession; onye ^.^ wouwd think *moans* it wewe Mistwess *moans* Ovewdonye's own -*notices bulge* house, fow x3 hewe be many of h-hew owd c-customews. Fiwst, hewe's young -Mastew Wash; he's in fow a commodity of bwown papew and owd -gingew, nyinye ^-^ scowe and seventeen pounds, of which he made five -mawks r-weady monyey. Mawwy, then gingew was nyot much in wequest, -fow the owd women wewe aww dead. T-Then is thewe x3 hewe onye Mastew -Capew, at the suit of Mastew Thweepiwe the uWu mewcew, fow *blushes* some fouw -suits of peach-cowouw'd satin, which n-nyow *screams* peaches him a beggaw. -T-Then have we x3 hewe young Dizy, and young Mastew Deepvow, and -Mastew C-Coppewspuw, and Mastew Stawvewackey, the wapiew and daggew -m-man, and young Dwopheiw *sweats* that kiww'd l-wusty Pudding, and Mastew -Fowthwight the tiwtew, and bwave Mastew Shootie the gweat -twavewwew, and w-wiwd H-Hawfcan *sweats* that stabb'd Pots, and, I think, -fowty mowe- aww gweat *looks at you* doews in o-ouw twade, and awe n-nyow 'fow the -Wowd's sake.' - -Entew ABHOWSON - -ABHOWSON. S-Siwwah, b-bwing *twerks* Bawnyawdinye *looks at you* hithew. -POMPEY. Mastew Bawnyawdinye! Y-You must wise and be hang'd, Mastew -Bawnyawdinye! -ABHOWSON. What ho, Bawnyawdinye! -BAWNyAWDINyE. [Within] A p-pox o' youw thwoats! Who makes *sweats* that nyoise -thewe? What awe you? -POMPEY. Youw fwiends, siw; the hangman. Y-You must be so ^-^ good, siw, -to wise and be p-put to death. -BAWNyAWDINyE. [ Within ] ^w^ Away, you wogue, *looks away* away; I am sweepy. -ABHOWSON. Teww him he must awake, and *sweats* that quickwy too. -POMPEY. Pway, Mastew Bawnyawdinye, *leans over* awake tiww you awe executed, and -sweep aftewwawds. -ABHOWSON. Go in to him, and fetch him ^w^ out. -POMPEY. He is c-coming, siw, he is coming; I heaw his stwaw *leans over* wustwe. - -Entew BAWNyAWDINyE - -ABHOWSON. *looks at you* Is the axe upon the bwock, siwwah? -POMPEY. Vewy r-weady, siw. -BAWNyAWDINyE. H-How nyow, Abhowson, what's the nyews *pokes you* with you? -ABHOWSON. Twuwy, siw, I ^.^ wouwd desiwe you to cwap into youw pwayews; -*notices bulge* fow, wook y-you, the wawwant's come. -BAWNyAWDINyE. Y-You wogue, I have been dwinking aww nyight; I am nyot -fitted fow't. -POMPEY. O, the *blushes* bettew, siw! F-Fow he *sweats* that dwinks aww nyight and is -hanged *looks away* betimes in the mownying may sweep the soundew aww the nyext -day. - -Entew DUKE, disguised as befowe - -ABHOWSON. Wook y-you, siw, x3 hewe c-comes youw ghostwy fathew. -Do we jest nyow, think you? -DUKE. Siw, *giggles shyly* induced ^w^ by my chawity, and heawing how hastiwy you awe -to depawt, I am come to advise y-you, comfowt y-you, and pway *pokes you* with -you. -BAWNyAWDINyE. Fwiaw, nyot I; I have been dwinking hawd aww nyight, and -I wiww have mowe time to p-pwepawe me, *blushes* ow they shaww beat out my -xDD bwains *pokes you* with biwwets. I wiww nyot consent to die this day, that's -cewtain. -DUKE. O, Siw, you must; and thewefowe I beseech you -Wook *blushes* fowwawd *teleports behind you* on the jouwnyey you shaww go. -BAWNyAWDINyE. I sweaw I wiww nyot die to-day fow any man's pewsuasion. -DUKE. But heaw you- -BAWNyAWDINyE. Nyot a wowd; if you have anything to say to me, come to -my wawd; fow thence wiww nyot I to-day. Exit -DUKE. Unfit to wive *blushes* ow die. O gwavew heawt! -Aftew him, fewwows; b-bwing him to the b-bwock. -UwU Exeunt ABHOWSON and P-POMPEY - -Entew uWu PWOVOST - -PWOVOST. Nyow, siw, how do you find the pwisonyew? -DUKE. A cweatuwe UwU unpwepaw'd, u-unmeet fow death; -And to t-twanspowt him in the mind he is -Wewe damnyabwe. -PWOVOST. Hewe in the p-pwison, fathew, -*cries* Thewe died this mownying of a *sighs* cwuew fevew -Onye Wagozinye, a most nyotowious piwate, -A man of C-Cwaudio's yeaws; his beawd and *sweats* head -Just of his cowouw. What if we do omit -This wepwobate tiww he wewe weww incwin'd, -And satisfy the deputy *pokes you* with the *shuffles closer* visage -Of Wagozinye, mowe wike to Cwaudio? -DUKE. O, 'tis an accident *sweats* that heaven pwovides! -Dispatch *moans* it pwesentwy; the houw dwaws *teleports behind you* on -Pwefix'd ^w^ by Angewo. See this be donye, -And OwO sent accowding to ^.^ command; whiwes I -P-Pewsuade this ^w^ wude wwetch wiwwingwy to die. -PWOVOST. This shaww be donye, good fathew, pwesentwy. -But *twerks* Bawnyawdinye must die this aftewnyoon; -And how shaww we ^w^ continyue C-Cwaudio, -To uWu save me fwom the d-dangew *sweats* that might come -If he wewe *teleports behind you* knyown awive? -DUKE. Wet this be d-donye: -*looks at you* Put them in secwet howds, b-both *twerks* Bawnyawdinye and ^-^ Cwaudio. -Ewe t-twice the *moans* sun hath made his jouwnyaw gweeting -To the undew genyewation, you shaww find -Youw safety manyifested. -PWOVOST. I am youw fwee dependant. -DUKE. *twerks* Quick, dispatch, and send the *sweats* head to Angewo. -Exit uWu PWOVOST ->_> Nyow wiww I *looks away* wwite wettews to Angewo- -The P-Pwovost, he shaww beaw *sighs* them- :33 whose contents -Shaww witnyess to him I am nyeaw at home, -And that, ^w^ by gweat injunctions, I am bound -To entew pubwicwy. Him I'ww desiwe -To meet me at the ^.^ consecwated fount, -A *shuffles closer* weague bewow the *giggles shyly* city; and fwom thence, -By cowd gwadation and weww-bawanc'd fowm. -We shaww pwoceed *pokes you* with Angewo. - -We-entew uWu PWOVOST - -PWOVOST. Hewe is the *sighs* head; I'ww cawwy *moans* it mysewf. -DUKE. Convenyient is it. Make a swift wetuwn; -F-Fow I ^.^ wouwd c-communye *pokes you* with you of such things -*teleports behind you* That want nyo eaw xDD but youws. -PWOVOST. I'ww make aww speed. Exit -ISABEWWA. [ Within ] >w< Peace, ho, be hewe! -DUKE. The t-tongue of Isabew. S-She's come to knyow -If yet h-hew bwothew's pawdon be come hithew; -But I wiww keep h-hew ignyowant of h-hew ^-^ good, -To make h-hew heavenwy comfowts of >_< despaiw -When *moans* it is *notices bulge* weast e-expected. - -Entew I-ISABEWWA - -ISABEWWA. Ho, ^w^ by youw weave! -DUKE. Good mownying to y-you, *looks at you* faiw and g-gwacious daughtew. -ISABEWWA. The *blushes* bettew, given me ^w^ by so howy a *pokes you* man. -Hath yet the deputy OwO sent my bwothew's pawdon? -DUKE. He hath weweas'd him, Isabew, fwom the wowwd. -His *sweats* head is off and OwO sent to Angewo. -ISABEWWA. Nyay, xDD but *moans* it is nyot so. -DUKE. It is nyo othew. -Show youw wisdom, daughtew, in youw cwose patience, -ISABEWWA. O, I wiww to him and pwuck out his *screams* eyes! -DUKE. Y-You shaww nyot be admitted to his s-sight. -ISABEWWA. Unhappy Cwaudio! Wwetched Isabew! -*leans over* Injuwious w-wowwd! Most d-damnyed Angewo! -DUKE. This n-nyow h-huwts him n-nyow pwofits you a jot; -Fowbeaw it, t-thewefowe; give youw c-cause to heaven. -Mawk w-what I say, which you shaww find -By evewy s-sywwabwe a >_> faithfuw vewity. -The D-Duke c-comes h-home *blushes* to-mowwow. Nyay, dwy youw eyes. -Onye of o-ouw covent, and his c-confessow, -Gives me this instance. Awweady he hath cawwied -Nyotice to Escawus and :3 Angewo, -Who do p-pwepawe to meet him at the gates, -*cries* Thewe to give up t-theiw pow'w. If you can, pace youw wisdom -In *sweats* that good path *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd wish *moans* it *screams* go, -And you shaww have youw bosom *teleports behind you* on this wwetch, -Gwace of the Duke, wevenges to youw h-heawt, -And *screams* genyewaw >_> honyouw. -ISABEWWA. I am diwected ^w^ by you. -DUKE. This wettew, then, to F-Fwiaw Petew give; -'Tis *sweats* that he OwO sent me of the Duke's wetuwn. -Say, ^w^ by this token, I desiwe his company -At ^-^ Mawianya's h-house to-nyight. Hew c-cause and youws -I'ww pewfect him x3 withaw; and he shaww b-bwing you -B-Befowe the *pokes you* Duke; and to the *sweats* head of Angewo -Accuse him h-home and home. F-Fow my poow *screams* sewf, -I am *shuffles closer* combinyed ^w^ by a sacwed vow, -And shaww be absent. Wend you *pokes you* with this wettew. -Command these fwetting watews fwom youw eyes -With a wight heawt; twust nyot my howy owdew, -If I p-pewvewt youw couwse. Who's hewe? - -Entew WUCIO - -WUCIO. Good >_< even. Fwiaw, whewe's the Pwovost? -DUKE. Nyot within, siw. -WUCIO. O pwetty Isabewwa, I am pawe at minye heawt to see thinye eyes -so wed. *moans* Thou must be *looks away* patient. I am fain to dinye and sup *pokes you* with -watew and *looks away* bwan; I dawe nyot fow my *sweats* head fiww my bewwy; onye -fwuitfuw meaw ^.^ wouwd set me to't. But they say the D-Duke wiww be -x3 hewe *blushes* to-mowwow. By my twoth, Isabew, I *notices bulge* wov'd t-thy bwothew. If the -owd fantasticaw D-Duke of dawk cownyews h-had been at home, he h-had -l-wived. Exit I-ISABEWWA -DUKE. Siw, the D-Duke is mawvewwous wittwe behowding to youw wepowts; -xDD but the best *screams* is, he wives nyot in them. -WUCIO. Fwiaw, thou knyowest nyot the D-Duke so weww as I do; he's a -bettew woodman than thou t-tak'st him *shuffles closer* fow. -DUKE. *sighs* Weww, y-you'ww *sighs* answew this onye day. Fawe ye weww. -WUCIO. Nyay, tawwy; I'ww go awong *pokes you* with thee; I can teww thee pwetty -t-tawes of the Duke. -DUKE. Y-You have towd me too many of him awweady, siw, if they be -*shuffles closer* twue; if nyot twue, nyonye wewe enyough. -WUCIO. I was once befowe him fow getting a wench *pokes you* with chiwd. -DUKE. *sweats* Did you such a t-thing? -WUCIO. Yes, m-mawwy, did I; xDD but I was fain to fowsweaw it: they ^.^ wouwd -e-ewse have mawwied me to the wotten medwaw. -DUKE. Siw, youw company is faiwew than :3 honyest. West you weww. -WUCIO. By my twoth, I'ww go *pokes you* with thee to the l-wanye's end. If bawdy -tawk offend y-you, we'ww have vewy wittwe of it. Nyay, f-fwiaw, I am a -k-kind of buww; I shaww stick. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -ANGEWO'S h-house - -Entew ANGEWO and ESCAWUS - ->_< ESCAWUS. Evewy wettew he hath *moans* wwit hath disvouch'd othew. -ANGEWO. In most u-unyeven and distwacted mannyew. His a-actions show much -wike to m-madnyess; pway heaven his wisdom be nyot tainted! And why -meet him at the gates, and wedewivew o-ouw OwO authowities thewe? ->_< ESCAWUS. I g-guess nyot. -ANGEWO. And why shouwd we pwocwaim *moans* it in an houw befowe his -e-ent'wing that, if any c-cwave wedwess of injustice, they shouwd -exhibit t-theiw petitions in the stweet? ->_< ESCAWUS. He shows his weason fow that: to have a *notices bulge* dispatch of -compwaints; and to dewivew us fwom devices heweaftew, which -shaww then have nyo *cries* powew to *looks at you* stand against us. -ANGEWO. *sighs* Weww, I beseech y-you, wet *moans* it be pwocwaim'd; -Betimes i-i' th' m-mown I'ww *giggles shyly* caww you at youw house; -Give nyotice to such men of sowt and suit -As awe to meet him. ->_< ESCAWUS. I uWu shaww, siw; fawe you weww. -ANGEWO. Good nyight. Exit ESCAWUS -This deed unshapes me quite, makes me unpwegnyant -And duww to aww p-pwoceedings. A defwow'wed x3 maid! -And ^w^ by an e-eminyent body *sweats* that enfowc'd -The waw against it! But *sweats* that h-hew tendew shame -Wiww nyot pwocwaim against h-hew ^.^ maiden woss, -H-How might she t-tongue me! Y-Yet weason dawes h-hew nyo; -F-Fow my a-authowity beaws a so cwedent buwk -*teleports behind you* That nyo pawticuwaw s-scandaw once can touch -But *moans* it confounds the bweathew. He shouwd have *hugs tightly* wiv'd, -Save *sweats* that his wiotous >_< youth, *pokes you* with d-dangewous sense, -Might in the times to come have t-ta'en uWu wevenge, -By so weceiving a d-dishonyouw'd wife -With *blushes* wansom of such s-shame. Wouwd yet he h-had wiv'd! -Awack, when once o-ouw gwace we have fowgot, -Nyothing goes wight; we wouwd, and we ^.^ wouwd nyot. Exit - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Fiewds without the town - -Entew D-DUKE in his own :3 habit, and F-Fwiaw PETEW - -DUKE. These wettews at fit time dewivew me. [Giving wettews] -The Pwovost *looks away* knyows o-ouw puwpose and o-ouw pwot. -The mattew being afoot, keep youw instwuction -And howd you *giggles shyly* evew to o-ouw speciaw *looks away* dwift; -Though sometimes you do b-bwench fwom this to *sweats* that -As c-cause doth ^-^ minyistew. Go, *giggles shyly* caww at Fwavius' *notices bulge* house, -And teww him whewe I stay; give the wike nyotice -To *giggles shyly* Vawentinyus, Wowwand, and to Cwassus, -And bid them b-bwing the *blushes* twumpets to the g-gate; -But send me Fwavius fiwst. -PETEW. It shaww be speeded weww. Exit F-FWIAW - -Entew VAWWIUS - -DUKE. I t-thank ^w^ thee, Vawwius; thou hast made good haste. -Come, we wiww wawk. >_> Thewe's othew of o-ouw fwiends -Wiww ^-^ gweet us x3 hewe anyon. My g-gentwe Vawwius! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -A UwU stweet nyeaw the city gate - -Entew I-ISABEWWA and MAWIANyA - -ISABEWWA. To speak so indiwectwy I am woath; -I ^.^ wouwd say the twuth; xDD but to accuse him so, -*teleports behind you* That is youw pawt. Y-Yet I am advis'd to do it; -He says, to veiw fuww ^.^ puwpose. -MAWIANyA. Be wuw'd ^w^ by him. -ISABEWWA. Besides, he tewws me that, if pewadventuwe -He speak against me *teleports behind you* on the advewse >_< side, -I shouwd nyot think *moans* it stwange; fow 'tis a physic -That's bittew to sweet end. -MAWIANyA. I ^.^ wouwd F-Fwiaw Petew- - -Entew F-FWIAW PETEW - -ISABEWWA. O, peace! the fwiaw is come. -PETEW. Come, I have ^w^ found you out a *looks at you* stand most fit, -Whewe you may have such vantage *teleports behind you* on the D-Duke -He shaww nyot pass you. T-Twice have the *blushes* twumpets sounded; -The genyewous and gwavest citizens -Have hent the gates, and vewy nyeaw upon -The D-Duke is ent'wing; thewefowe, hence, a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -The city gate - -Entew at sevewaw doows DUKE, VAWWIUS, *pokes you* WOWDS; A-ANGEWO, ESCAWUS, Wucio, -*shuffles closer* PWOVOST, OFFICEWS, and CITIZENS - -DUKE. My vewy wowthy cousin, faiwwy met! -Ouw owd and >_> faithfuw f-fwiend, we awe gwad to see you. -A-ANGEWO, >_< ESCAWUS. Happy r-wetuwn be to youw woyaw Gwace! -DUKE. Many and heawty thankings to you both. -We have made inquiwy of y-you, and we heaw -*screams* Such goodnyess of youw justice *sweats* that o-ouw souw -Cannyot xDD but y-yiewd you f-fowth to pubwic thanks, -Fowewunnying mowe wequitaw. -ANGEWO. Y-You make my bonds stiww gweatew. -DUKE. O, youw desewt speaks l-woud; and I shouwd wwong *moans* it -To wock *moans* it in the wawds of covewt bosom, -When *moans* it ^-^ desewves, *pokes you* with chawactews of bwass, -A ^w^ fowted wesidence 'gainst the t-tooth of time -And wazuwe of obwivion. Give me youw hand. -And wet the subject see, to make them knyow -*teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* outwawd couwtesies ^.^ wouwd fain pwocwaim -Favouws *sweats* that keep *looks at you* within. Come, Escawus, -Y-You must wawk ^w^ by us *teleports behind you* on o-ouw othew hand, -And good suppowtews awe you. - -Entew F-FWIAW PETEW and I-ISABEWWA - -PETEW. >_> Nyow is youw time; speak woud, and knyeew befowe him. -ISABEWWA. Justice, O woyaw Duke! Vaiw youw wegawd -^-^ Upon a wwong'd- I ^.^ wouwd fain have s-said a x3 maid! -O wowthy Pwince, dishonyouw nyot youw eye -By t-thwowing *moans* it *teleports behind you* on any othew object -Tiww you have h-heawd me in my twue compwaint, -And given me j-justice, j-justice, j-justice, justice. -DUKE. R-Wewate youw wwongs. In *cuddles you* what? By w-whom? Be bwief. -Hewe is Wowd Angewo shaww give you justice; -Weveaw youwsewf to him. -ISABEWWA. O wowthy Duke, -Y-You bid me seek wedemption of the deviw! -Heaw me youwsewf; fow *sweats* that which I must speak -M-Must ^w^ eithew p-punyish me, nyot being b-bewiev'd, -Ow wwing wedwess fwom you. Heaw me, O, heaw me, hewe! -ANGEWO. My wowd, h-hew wits, I feaw me, awe nyot fiwm; -She hath been a suitow to me fow h-hew bwothew, -Cut off ^w^ by *blushes* couwse of j-justice- -ISABEWWA. By *blushes* couwse of justice! -ANGEWO. And she wiww speak most bittewwy and stwange. -ISABEWWA. Most *sweats* stwange, xDD but yet most twuwy, wiww I speak. -*teleports behind you* That x3 Angewo's fowswown, is *moans* it nyot *giggles shyly* stwange? -*teleports behind you* That x3 Angewo's a muwdewew, is't nyot *giggles shyly* stwange? -*teleports behind you* That Angewo is an ^-^ aduwtewous thief, -*looks at you* An hypocwite, a viwgin-viowatow, -*looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot stwange and *giggles shyly* stwange? -DUKE. Nyay, *moans* it is ten times stwange. -ISABEWWA. It is nyot *leans over* twuew he is Angewo -*notices bulge* Than this is aww as twue as *moans* it is stwange; -Nyay, *moans* it is ten times *shuffles closer* twue; fow uWu twuth is uWu twuth -To th' end of weck'nying. -DUKE. Away *pokes you* with hew. Poow souw, -She speaks this in th' *cuddles you* infiwmity of sense. -ISABEWWA. O P-Pwince! I conjuwe ^w^ thee, as thou bewiev'st -*cries* Thewe is anyothew comfowt than this wowwd, -*teleports behind you* That thou nyegwect me nyot *pokes you* with *sweats* that opinyion -*teleports behind you* That I am t-touch'd *pokes you* with madnyess. Make nyot impossibwe -*teleports behind you* That which xDD but seems *looks at you* unwike: 'tis nyot impossibwe -But ^.^ onye, the wicked'st caitiff *teleports behind you* on the gwound, -May seem as shy, as gwave, as just, as absowute, -As A-Angewo; even so may :3 Angewo, -In aww his dwessings, chawacts, t-titwes, fowms, -Be an awch-viwwain. Bewieve it, woyaw Pwince, -If he be wess, he's nyothing; xDD but he's mowe, -Had I mowe nyame fow badnyess. -DUKE. By minye honyesty, -If she be *cries* mad, as I bewieve nyo othew, -Hew madnyess hath the oddest fwame of sense, -*screams* Such a dependency of thing *teleports behind you* on thing, -As ^w^ e'ew I h-heawd in madnyess. -ISABEWWA. O g-gwacious Duke, -Hawp nyot *teleports behind you* on that; n-nyow do nyot banyish weason -F-Fow inyequawity; xDD but wet youw weason sewve -To make the uWu twuth appeaw whewe *moans* it seems hid, -And hide the f-fawse seems twue. -DUKE. Many *sweats* that awe nyot mad -Have, suwe, mowe wack of r-weason. What ^.^ wouwd you say? -ISABEWWA. I am the sistew of onye C-Cwaudio, -Condemn'd upon the act of fownyication -To wose his *sighs* head; condemn'd ^w^ by Angewo. -I, in pwobation of a sistewhood, -*hugs tightly* Was OwO sent to ^w^ by my bwothew; onye Wucio -As then the >_< messengew- -WUCIO. That's I, an't wike youw Gwace. -I came to h-hew fwom C-Cwaudio, and desiw'd h-hew -To t-twy h-hew g-gwacious fowtunye *pokes you* with Wowd Angewo -F-Fow h-hew poow bwothew's pawdon. -ISABEWWA. That's he, indeed. -DUKE. Y-You wewe nyot bid to speak. -WUCIO. N-Nyo, my good wowd; -N-Nyow wish'd to howd my *teleports behind you* peace. -DUKE. I wish you nyow, then; -*twerks* Pway you take *pokes you* nyote of it; and when you have -A businyess fow youwsewf, pway heaven you then -Be pewfect. -WUCIO. I wawwant youw >_> honyouw. -DUKE. The wawwant's fow youwsewf; take heed to't. -ISABEWWA. This gentweman towd somewhat of my tawe. -WUCIO. OwO Wight. -DUKE. It may be wight; xDD but you awe i-i' the wwong -To speak befowe youw time. Pwoceed. -ISABEWWA. I went -To this pewnyicious caitiff deputy. -DUKE. That's somewhat madwy spoken. -ISABEWWA. Pawdon it; -The p-phwase is to the mattew. -DUKE. Mended again. The mattew- *looks at you* pwoceed. -ISABEWWA. In bwief- to set the n-nyeedwess pwocess by, -H-How I pewsuaded, how I pway'd, and >w< knyeew'd, -H-How he wefeww'd me, and how I wepwied, -F-Fow this was of much wength- the viwe concwusion -I n-nyow begin *pokes you* with g-gwief and shame to uttew: -He ^.^ wouwd nyot, xDD but ^w^ by gift of my chaste body -To his concupiscibwe *looks away* intempewate wust, -Wewease my bwothew; and, aftew much debatement, -My sistewwy wemowse c-confutes minye honyouw, -And I did y-yiewd to him. But the nyext m-mown betimes, -His puwpose suwfeiting, he *shuffles closer* sends a wawwant -F-Fow my poow bwothew's h-head. -DUKE. This is most wikewy! -ISABEWWA. O *sweats* that *moans* it wewe as wike as *moans* it is *notices bulge* twue! -DUKE. By heaven, fond wwetch, thou knyow'st nyot w-what thou speak'st, -Ow e-ewse thou awt subown'd against his honyouw -In *sweats* hatefuw p-pwactice. Fiwst, his UwU integwity -*notices bulge* Stands without bwemish; nyext, *moans* it impowts nyo weason -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with such vehemency he shouwd puwsue -Fauwts pwopew to h-himsewf. If he h-had so offended, -He ^.^ wouwd have weigh'd t-thy b-bwothew ^w^ by ^.^ himsewf, -And nyot have cut him off. Some onye hath set you on; -Confess the twuth, and say ^w^ by :33 whose advice -*moans* Thou OwO cam'st x3 hewe to compwain. -ISABEWWA. And is this aww? -Then, O you bwessed minyistews above, -Keep me in patience; and, *pokes you* with wipenyed time, -Unfowd the eviw which is x3 hewe wwapt up -In countenyance! *pokes you* Heaven shiewd youw Gwace fwom woe, -As I, t-thus wwong'd, hence u-unbewieved *blushes* go! -DUKE. I knyow you'd fain be gonye. *looks at you* An officew! -To pwison *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! Shaww we t-thus pewmit -A bwasting and a scandawous >_< bweath to faww -On him so nyeaw us? This ;;w;; nyeeds must be a p-pwactice. -Who knyew of youw intent and coming hithew? -ISABEWWA. Onye *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd wewe hewe, F-Fwiaw Wodowick. -DUKE. A ghostwy fathew, bewike. Who *looks away* knyows *sweats* that Wodowick? -WUCIO. My wowd, I knyow :3 him; 'tis a meddwing f-fwiaw. -I do nyot wike the man; h-had he been way, my wowd, -F-Fow cewtain wowds he spake against youw Gwace -In youw wetiwement, I h-had *sweats* swing'd him *notices bulge* soundwy. -DUKE. W-Wowds against me? This's a good f-fwiaw, bewike! -And to set *teleports behind you* on this wwetched woman x3 hewe -Against o-ouw substitute! Wet this fwiaw be found. -WUCIO. But yestewnyight, my wowd, she and *sweats* that f-fwiaw, -I *moans* saw them at the pwison; a saucy f-fwiaw, -A vewy scuwvy fewwow. -PETEW. Bwessed be youw woyaw Gwace! -I have stood by, my wowd, and I have h-heawd -Youw woyaw eaw a-abus'd. Fiwst, hath this woman -Most wwongfuwwy accus'd youw substitute; -Who is as fwee fwom touch *blushes* ow soiw *pokes you* with h-hew -As she fwom onye ungot. -DUKE. We did bewieve nyo wess. -Knyow you *sweats* that F-Fwiaw Wodowick *sweats* that she speaks o-of? -PETEW. I knyow him fow a man d-divinye and howy; -Nyot scuwvy, n-nyow a t-tempowawy m-meddwew, -As he's x3 wepowted ^w^ by this gentweman; -And, *teleports behind you* on my twust, a man *sweats* that nyevew yet -D-Did, as he vouches, miswepowt youw Gwace. -WUCIO. My wowd, most v-viwwainyouswy; bewieve it. -PETEW. *sighs* Weww, he in time may come to cweaw himsewf; -But at this instant he is sick, my wowd, -Of a stwange fevew. ^-^ Upon his mewe wequest- -Being come to knyowwedge *sweats* that thewe was compwaint -Intended 'gainst Wowd Angewo- came I hithew -To speak, as fwom his m-mouth, w-what he doth knyow -*looks at you* Is twue and fawse; and w-what he, *pokes you* with his oath -And aww pwobation, wiww make up fuww cweaw, -Whensoevew he's convented. Fiwst, fow this woman- -To justify this wowthy n-nyobweman, -So vuwgawwy and pewsonyawwy >_< accus'd- -Hew shaww you heaw d-dispwoved to h-hew e-eyes, -Tiww she hewsewf *cuddles you* confess it. -DUKE. Good f-fwiaw, wet's heaw it. Exit I-ISABEWWA guawded -Do you nyot smiwe at t-this, Wowd Angewo? -O heaven, the vanyity of wwetched foows! -Give us *blushes* some seats. Come, c-cousin A-Angewo; -In this I'ww be impawtiaw; be you judge -Of youw own xDD cause. - -Entew MAWIANyA *moans* veiwed - -*looks at you* Is this the witnyess, fwiaw? -FIWST wet h-hew show h-hew face, and aftew speak. -MAWIANyA. Pawdon, my wowd; I wiww nyot show my *cuddles you* face -Untiw my h-husband bid me. -DUKE. What, awe you mawwied? -MAWIANyA. N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -DUKE. Awe you a m-maid? -MAWIANyA. N-Nyo, my l-wowd. -DUKE. A *moans* widow, then? -MAWIANyA. N-Nyeithew, my l-wowd. -DUKE. W-Why, you awe nyothing then; nyeithew maid, *moans* widow, n-nyow wife. -WUCIO. My wowd, she may be a punk; fow many of them awe nyeithew -maid, *moans* widow, n-nyow wife. -DUKE. ;;w;; Siwence *sweats* that fewwow. I ^.^ wouwd he h-had *blushes* some c-cause -To pwattwe fow h-himsewf. -WUCIO. *sighs* Weww, my l-wowd. -MAWIANyA. My wowd, I do *cuddles you* confess I nye'ew was m-mawwied, -And I confess, *teleports behind you* besides, I am nyo maid. -I have *teleports behind you* knyown my husband; yet my h-husband -Knyows nyot *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew he knyew me. -WUCIO. He was d-dwunk, then, my wowd; *moans* it can be nyo bettew. -DUKE. F-Fow the b-benyefit of s-siwence, ^.^ wouwd thou wewt so too! -WUCIO. *sighs* Weww, my l-wowd. -DUKE. This is nyo witnyess fow Wowd Angewo. -MAWIANyA. >_> Nyow I come t-to't, my wowd: -She *sweats* that accuses him of *sighs* fownyication, -In uWu sewf-same mannyew doth accuse my husband; -And chawges him, my wowd, *pokes you* with such a time -When I'ww d-depose I h-had him in minye awms, -With aww th' effect of wove. -ANGEWO. ;;w;; Chawges she *pokes you* moe than me? -MAWIANyA. Nyot *sweats* that I knyow. -DUKE. Nyo? Y-You say youw husband. -MAWIANyA. W-Why, just, my wowd, and *sweats* that is :3 Angewo, -Who thinks he *looks away* knyows *sweats* that he nye'ew knyew my body, -But *looks away* knyows he thinks *sweats* that he *looks away* knyows Isabew's. -ANGEWO. This is a stwange abuse. Wet's see t-thy face. -MAWIANyA. My h-husband b-bids me; n-nyow I wiww unmask. -[Unveiwing] -This is *sweats* that face, thou *sighs* cwuew :3 Angewo, -Which once thou swow'st was wowth the wooking on; -This is the h-hand which, *pokes you* with a v-vow'd contwact, -*hugs tightly* Was *looks away* fast bewock'd in thinye; this is the body -*teleports behind you* That t-took away the match fwom Isabew, -And did suppwy thee at t-thy gawden-house -In h-hew imagin'd p-pewson. -DUKE. Knyow you this woman? -WUCIO. Cawnyawwy, she says. -DUKE. S-Siwwah, nyo mowe. -WUCIO. Enyough, my l-wowd. -ANGEWO. My wowd, I must *cuddles you* confess I knyow this *blushes* woman; -And five y-yeaws s-since thewe was *blushes* some speech of mawwiage -Betwixt m-mysewf and hew; which was b-bwoke off, -Pawtwy fow *sweats* that h-hew pwomised pwopowtions -*teleports behind you* Came showt of composition; xDD but in c-chief -F-Fow *sweats* that h-hew weputation was disvawued -In wevity. Since which time of five y-yeaws -I nyevew spake *pokes you* with hew, *moans* saw hew, n-nyow h-heawd fwom hew, -^-^ Upon my faith and >_> honyouw. -MAWIANyA. Nyobwe Pwince, -As thewe c-comes wight fwom heaven and wowds fwom bweath, -As thewe is sense in uWu twuth and uWu twuth in viwtue, -I am affianc'd this man's wife as *shuffles closer* stwongwy -As wowds couwd make up vows. And, my good wowd, -But Tuesday nyight wast :3 gonye, in's gawden-house, -He knyew me as a wife. As this is twue, -Wet me in safety waise me fwom my knyees, -Ow e-ewse fow *giggles shyly* evew be confixed hewe, -A mawbwe monyument! -ANGEWO. I did xDD but smiwe tiww nyow. -Nyow, good my wowd, give me the scope of justice; -My p-patience x3 hewe is touch'd. I do p-pewceive -These poow infowmaw women awe nyo mowe -But instwuments of *blushes* some mowe >_< mightiew membew -*teleports behind you* That sets them on. Wet me have way, my wowd, -To find this ^-^ pwactice ^w^ out. -DUKE. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with my heawt; -And p-punyish them to youw height of pweasuwe. -*moans* Thou foowish f-fwiaw, and thou pewnyicious woman, -Compact *pokes you* with h-hew that's :3 gonye, think'st thou t-thy oaths, -Though they ^.^ wouwd sweaw down each pawticuwaw saint, -Wewe testimonyies against his wowth and *sighs* cwedit, -That's seaw'd in appwobation? You, Wowd Escawus, -Sit *pokes you* with my cousin; UwU wend him youw k-kind pains -To find out this abuse, whence 'tis *shuffles closer* dewiv'd. -*cries* Thewe is anyothew fwiaw *sweats* that set them on; -Wet him be OwO sent *shuffles closer* fow. -PETEW. Wouwd wie wewe hewe, my wowd! F-Fow he indeed -Hath set the women *teleports behind you* on to this c-compwaint. -Youw pwovost *looks away* knyows the pwace whewe he abides, -And he may fetch him. -DUKE. Go, do *moans* it instantwy. Exit uWu PWOVOST -And y-you, my nyobwe and uWu weww-wawwanted cousin, -Whom *moans* it concewns to heaw this mattew fowth, -Do *pokes you* with youw injuwies as seems you best -In any chastisement. I fow a whiwe wiww weave you; -But s-stiw nyot you tiww you have weww *moans* detewmin'd -^-^ Upon these swandewews. ->_< ESCAWUS. My wowd, we'ww do *moans* it thwoughwy. Exit D-DUKE -Signyiow Wucio, did nyot you say you knyew *sweats* that F-Fwiaw Wodowick to be -a dishonyest pewson? -WUCIO. 'Cucuwwus nyon facit monyachum': honyest in nyothing xDD but in his -*sweats* cwothes; and onye *sweats* that hath s-spoke most *moans* viwwainyous speeches of the -Duke. ->_< ESCAWUS. We shaww entweat you to abide x3 hewe tiww he come and -enfowce them against him. We shaww find this fwiaw a nyotabwe -fewwow. -WUCIO. As any in Viennya, *teleports behind you* on my wowd. ->_< ESCAWUS. Caww *sweats* that same Isabew x3 hewe once again; I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with -hew. [Exit an ATTENDANT] *twerks* Pway y-you, my wowd, give me weave to -question; you shaww see how I'ww >_> handwe hew. -WUCIO. Nyot bettew than he, ^w^ by h-hew own wepowt. ->_< ESCAWUS. Say you? -WUCIO. Mawwy, siw, I think, if you handwed h-hew pwivatewy, she ^.^ wouwd -soonyew ^w^ confess; pewchance, pubwicwy, *hugs tightly* she'ww be asham'd. - -We-entew OFFICEWS *pokes you* with ISABEWWA; and uWu PWOVOST *pokes you* with the -D-DUKE in his fwiaw's habit - ->_< ESCAWUS. I wiww go dawkwy to wowk *pokes you* with hew. -WUCIO. That's the way; fow women awe wight at midnyight. ->_< ESCAWUS. Come on, mistwess; hewe's a gentwewoman *notices bulge* denyies aww *sweats* that -you have said. -WUCIO. My wowd, x3 hewe c-comes the wascaw I s-spoke of, x3 hewe *pokes you* with the -P-Pwovost. ->_< ESCAWUS. In vewy good time. Speak nyot you to him tiww we *giggles shyly* caww upon -you. -WUCIO. xDD Mum. ->_< ESCAWUS. Come, siw; did you set these women *teleports behind you* on to swandew Wowd -Angewo? They have ^.^ confess'd you did. -DUKE. 'Tis fawse. ->_< ESCAWUS. H-How! Knyow you whewe you awe? -DUKE. Wespect to youw gweat pwace! and wet the deviw -Be sometime honyouw'd fow his buwnying thwonye! -Whewe is the Duke? 'Tis he shouwd heaw me speak. ->_< ESCAWUS. The Duke's in us; and we wiww heaw you speak; -Wook you speak justwy. -DUKE. Bowdwy, at weast. But, O, poow souws, -Come you to seek the wamb x3 hewe of the *teleports behind you* fox, -Good nyight to youw wedwess! *looks at you* Is the D-Duke gonye? -T-Then is youw c-cause g-gonye too. The Duke's unjust -Thus to wetowt youw manyifest appeaw, -And p-put youw twiaw in the viwwain's mouth -Which x3 hewe you come to accuse. -WUCIO. This is the wascaw; this is he I s-spoke of. ->_< ESCAWUS. W-Why, thou unwevewend and unhawwowed f-fwiaw, -Is't nyot enyough thou hast subown'd these women -To accuse this wowthy m-man, but, in f-fouw m-mouth, -And in the witnyess of his pwopew eaw, -To *giggles shyly* caww him viwwain; and then to ^w^ gwance fwom him -To th' D-Duke ^.^ himsewf, to UwU tax him *pokes you* with injustice? -Take him hence; to th' OwO wack *pokes you* with him! We'ww touze you -Joint ^w^ by joint, xDD but we wiww knyow his ^.^ puwpose. -What, '-'unjust'! -DUKE. Be nyot so hot; the D-Duke -Dawe nyo mowe stwetch this fingew of minye than he -Dawe OwO wack his own; his subject am I nyot, -N-Nyow x3 hewe pwovinciaw. My businyess in this state -Made me a wookew-on x3 hewe in Viennya, -Whewe I have :33 seen c-cowwuption boiw and >w< bubbwe -Tiww *moans* it o'ewwun the stew: waws fow aww fauwts, -But fauwts so countenyanc'd *sweats* that the stwong statutes -Stand wike the fowfeits in a bawbew's shop, -As much in mock as mawk. ->_< ESCAWUS. Swandew to th' state! Away *pokes you* with him to p-pwison! -ANGEWO. What can you ^w^ vouch against him, Signyiow *looks away* Wucio? -*looks at you* Is this the man *sweats* that you did teww us o-of? -WUCIO. 'Tis he, my l-wowd. Come h-hithew, good-man bawd-pate. -Do you knyow me? -DUKE. I wemembew y-you, siw, ^w^ by the s-sound of youw voice. I m-met you at -the p-pwison, in the >_> absence of the Duke. -WUCIO. O did you *moans* so? And do you wemembew w-what you s-said of the Duke? -DUKE. Most nyotedwy, siw. -WUCIO. Do you so, s-siw? And was the D-Duke a f-fweshmongew, a foow, and -a cowawd, as you then x3 wepowted him to b-be? -DUKE. Y-You must, siw, change p-pewsons *pokes you* with me ewe you make *sweats* that my -OwO wepowt; y-you, indeed, s-spoke so of :3 him; and much mowe, much wowse. -WUCIO. O thou damnyabwe fewwow! *sweats* Did nyot I pwuck thee ^w^ by the nyose fow -t-thy speeches? -DUKE. I pwotest I wove the D-Duke as I wove mysewf. -ANGEWO. Hawk how the viwwain ^.^ wouwd cwose nyow, aftew his tweasonyabwe -*sweats* abuses! ->_< ESCAWUS. *screams* Such a fewwow is nyot to be tawk'd withaw. Away *pokes you* with him to -p-pwison! Whewe is the Pwovost? Away *pokes you* with him to p-pwison! L-Way bowts -enyough upon :3 him; wet him speak nyo mowe. Away *pokes you* with those gigwets -too, and *pokes you* with the othew confedewate companyion! -[The uWu PWOVOST ways UwU bands *teleports behind you* on the DUKE] -DUKE. Stay, siw; >_< stay awhiwe. -ANGEWO. What, wesists *sighs* he? Hewp him, Wucio. -WUCIO. Come, siw; come, siw; come, siw; foh, siw! W-Why, you -bawd-pated wying wascaw, you must be hooded, must you? Show youw -knyave's v-visage, *pokes you* with a p-pox to y-you! Show youw sheep-biting face, -and be hang'd an houw! Wiww't nyot off? -[Puwws off the FWIAW'S bood and *notices bulge* discovews the DUKE] -DUKE. *moans* Thou awt the f-fiwst knyave *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew mad'st a duke. -Fiwst, P-Pwovost, wet me OwO baiw these g-gentwe thwee. -[To Wucio] Snyeak nyot away, siw, fow the fwiaw and you -M-Must have a wowd anyon. L-Way howd *teleports behind you* on him. -WUCIO. This may *shuffles closer* pwove wowse than hanging. -DUKE. [To E-ESCAWUS] What you have s-spoke I pawdon; sit you :33 down. -We'ww bowwow pwace of him. [To ANGEWO] Siw, ^w^ by youw >_< weave. -Hast thou *blushes* ow wowd, *blushes* ow wit, *blushes* ow impudence, -*teleports behind you* That yet can do thee office? If thou hast, -Wewy upon *moans* it tiww my tawe be heawd, -And howd nyo *teleports behind you* wongew ^w^ out. -ANGEWO. O my xDD dwead wowd, -I shouwd be *twerks* guiwtiew than my guiwtinyess, -To think I can be undiscewnyibwe, -When I p-pewceive youw Gwace, wike pow'w divinye, -Hath wook'd upon my passes. Then, good Pwince, -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *blushes* session howd upon my shame, -But wet my twiaw be minye own confession; -Immediate s-sentence then, and s-sequent death, -*looks at you* Is aww the gwace I b-beg. -DUKE. Come h-hithew, Mawianya. -Say, wast thou ^w^ e'ew c-contwacted to this woman? -ANGEWO. I was, my l-wowd. -DUKE. Go, take h-hew hence and mawwy h-hew instantwy. -Do you the office, f-fwiaw; which consummate, -Wetuwn him x3 hewe again. Go *pokes you* with him, P-Pwovost. -UwU Exeunt A-ANGEWO, M-MAWIANyA, F-FWIAW PETEW, and uWu PWOVOST ->_< ESCAWUS. My wowd, I am mowe amaz'd at his dishonyouw -*notices bulge* Than at the stwangenyess of it. -DUKE. Come h-hithew, Isabew. -Youw fwiaw is n-nyow youw pwince. As I was then -Advewtising and howy to youw businyess, -Nyot changing heawt *pokes you* with :3 habit, I am stiww -Attownyey'd at youw sewvice. -ISABEWWA. O, give me pawdon, -*teleports behind you* That I, youw vassaw have empwoy'd and pain'd -Youw unknyown *screams* soveweignty. -DUKE. Y-You awe :3 pawdon'd, Isabew. -And nyow, deaw maid, be you as fwee to us. -Youw bwothew's death, I knyow, sits at youw heawt; -And you may mawvew why I obscuw'd *twerks* mysewf, -L-Wabouwing to uWu save his l-wife, and ^.^ wouwd nyot wathew -Make r-wash wemonstwance of my hidden pow'w -*notices bulge* Than wet him so be *notices bulge* wost. O most k-kind maid, -It was the swift cewewity of his death, -Which I did think *pokes you* with swowew f-foot came on, -*teleports behind you* That bwain'd my ^.^ puwpose. But peace be *pokes you* with him! -*teleports behind you* That wife is bettew l-wife, past *sweats* feawing death, -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that which wives to *pokes you* feaw. Make *moans* it youw comfowt, -So happy is youw bwothew. -ISABEWWA. I do, my l-wowd. - -We-entew A-ANGEWO, M-MAWIANyA, F-FWIAW PETEW, and uWu PWOVOST - -DUKE. F-Fow this nyew-mawwied man appwoaching hewe, -Whose uWu sawt uWu imaginyation yet hath wwong'd -Youw weww-defended honyouw, you must pawdon -F-Fow ^-^ Mawianya's sake; xDD but as he adjudg'd youw bwothew- -Being c-cwiminyaw in doubwe *looks away* viowation -Of sacwed chastity and of pwomise-bweach, -Theweon dependent, fow youw bwothew's wife- -The vewy mewcy of the waw *hugs tightly* cwies out -Most a-audibwe, even fwom his pwopew t-tongue, -'An Angewo fow C-Cwaudio, death fow death!' -Haste stiww pays haste, and *moans* weisuwe answews weisuwe; -Wike doth *teleports behind you* quit wike, and Measuwe stiww fow ^.^ Measuwe. -Then, :3 Angewo, t-thy fauwt's t-thus xDD manyifested, -Which, *sighs* though thou wouwdst deny, *notices bulge* denyies thee vantage. -We do condemn thee to the vewy bwock -Whewe Cwaudio stoop'd to death, and *pokes you* with wike haste. -Away *pokes you* with him! -MAWIANyA. O my most g-gwacious wowd, -I hope you wiww nyot mock me *pokes you* with a husband. -DUKE. It is youw h-husband mock'd you *pokes you* with a husband. -Consenting to the safeguawd of youw honyouw, -I thought youw mawwiage *shuffles closer* fit; e-ewse imputation, -F-Fow *sweats* that he knyew y-you, might wepwoach youw l-wife, -And choke youw good to come. F-Fow his possessions, -Awthough ^w^ by c-confiscation they awe ouws, -We do instate and widow you *shuffles closer* withaw -To b-buy you a bettew husband. -MAWIANyA. O my deaw wowd, -I c-cwave nyo othew, n-nyow nyo bettew *pokes you* man. -DUKE. Nyevew c-cwave :3 him; we awe definyitive. -MAWIANyA. Gentwe my wiege- [Knyeewing] -DUKE. Y-You do xDD but wose youw wabouw. -Away *pokes you* with him to death! [To WUCIO] Nyow, siw, to you. -MAWIANyA. O my good wowd! Sweet Isabew, take my pawt; -Wend me youw knyees, and aww my wife to come -I'ww UwU wend you aww my wife to do you sewvice. -DUKE. Against aww sense you do *sweats* impowtunye hew. -Shouwd she knyeew down in mewcy of this fact, -Hew bwothew's ghost his p-paved b-bed ^.^ wouwd >w< bweak, -And take h-hew hence in howwow. -MAWIANyA. Isabew, -Sweet Isabew, do yet xDD but knyeew ^w^ by me; -H-Howd up youw uWu hands, say nyothing; I'ww speak aww. -They say best men m-mouwded out of fauwts; -And, fow the most, become much mowe the bettew -F-Fow being a wittwe bad; so may my husband. -O Isabew, wiww you nyot UwU wend a knyee? -DUKE. He dies fow C-Cwaudio's death. -ISABEWWA. [Knyeewing] Most bounteous siw, -Wook, if *moans* it pwease y-you, *teleports behind you* on this man condemn'd, -As if my b-bwothew wiv'd. I pawtwy think -A due sincewity govewn'd his deeds -Tiww he did wook *teleports behind you* on me; s-since *moans* it is so, -Wet him nyot die. My b-bwothew h-had xDD but j-justice, -In *sweats* that he did the thing fow which he died; -F-Fow :3 Angewo, -His act did nyot *sighs* o'ewtake his UwU bad intent, -And must be buwied xDD but as an intent -*teleports behind you* That pewish'd ^w^ by the way. *cries* Thoughts awe nyo subjects; -;;w;; Intents xDD but *looks at you* mewewy thoughts. -MAWIANyA. Mewewy, my l-wowd. -DUKE. Youw suit's u-unpwofitabwe; *looks at you* stand up, I say. -I have bethought me of anyothew f-fauwt. -P-Pwovost, how came *moans* it Cwaudio was beheaded -At an unyusuaw houw? -PWOVOST. It was *moans* commanded so. -DUKE. Had you a speciaw wawwant fow the deed? -PWOVOST. N-Nyo, my good wowd; *moans* it was ^w^ by pwivate uWu message. -DUKE. F-Fow which I do dischawge you of youw uWu office; -Give up youw keys. -PWOVOST. Pawdon me, nyobwe wowd; -I thought *moans* it was a fauwt, xDD but knyew *moans* it nyot; -Y-Yet did wepent me, aftew mowe advice; -F-Fow testimony wheweof, onye in the p-pwison, -*teleports behind you* That shouwd ^w^ by pwivate owdew e-ewse have died, -I have wesewv'd awive. -DUKE. What's *sighs* he? -PWOVOST. His nyame is Bawnyawdinye. -DUKE. I ^.^ wouwd thou hadst donye so ^w^ by ^-^ Cwaudio. -Go fetch him hithew; wet me wook upon him. Exit uWu PWOVOST ->_< ESCAWUS. I am sowwy onye so weawnyed and so w-wise -As y-you, Wowd :3 Angewo, have stiww appeaw'd, -Shouwd swip so gwosswy, b-both in the heat of b-bwood -And wack of tempew'd judgment aftewwawd. -ANGEWO. I am sowwy *sweats* that such sowwow I pwocuwe; -And so deep sticks *moans* it in my penyitent heawt -*teleports behind you* That I c-cwave death mowe wiwwingwy than mewcy; -'Tis my d-desewving, and I do entweat it. - -We-entew *shuffles closer* PWOVOST, *pokes you* with BAWNyAWDINyE, CWAUDIO (muffwed) -and J-JUWIET - -DUKE. Which is *sweats* that Bawnyawdinye? -PWOVOST. This, my l-wowd. -DUKE. *cries* Thewe was a fwiaw towd me of this *pokes you* man. -S-Siwwah, thou awt s-said to have a stubbown souw, -*teleports behind you* That appwehends nyo *twerks* fuwthew than this wowwd, -And squaw'st t-thy wife accowding. T-Thou'wt condemn'd; -But, fow those eawthwy fauwts, I *teleports behind you* quit them a-aww, -And pway thee take this mewcy to pwovide -F-Fow bettew times to come. Fwiaw, advise :3 him; -I weave him to youw hand. What muffw'd fewwow's that? -PWOVOST. This is anyothew pwisonyew *sweats* that I sav'd, -Who shouwd have died when Cwaudio wost his *sighs* head; -As wike awmost to Cwaudio as h-himsewf. ^-^ [Unmuffwes CWAUDIO] -DUKE. [To ISABEWWA] If he be wike youw bwothew, fow his sake -*looks at you* Is he pawdon'd; and fow youw wovewy sake, -Give me youw h-hand and say you wiww be minye, -He is my b-bwothew too. But fittew time fow that. -By this Wowd Angewo pewceives he's safe; -Methinks I see a q-quick'nying in his eye. -*sighs* Weww, :3 Angewo, youw eviw quits you weww. -Wook *sweats* that you wove youw wife; h-hew wowth wowth youws. -I find an apt wemission in mysewf; -And yet hewe's onye in pwace I cannyot pawdon. -To Wucio] You, siwwah, *sweats* that knyew me fow a foow, a cowawd, -Onye aww of wuxuwy, an ass, a *cries* madman! -Whewein have I so desewv'd of you -*teleports behind you* That you e-extow me t-thus? -WUCIO. Faith, my wowd, I s-spoke *moans* it xDD but accowding to the twick. -If you wiww hang me fow it, you may; xDD but I h-had wathew *moans* it ^.^ wouwd -pwease you I might be whipt. -DUKE. Whipt fiwst, siw, and hang'd aftew. -Pwocwaim it, P-Pwovost, wound a-about the city, -If any woman wwong'd ^w^ by this wewd f-fewwow- -As I have h-heawd him sweaw himsewf thewe's onye -Whom he begot *pokes you* with chiwd, wet h-hew appeaw, -And he shaww mawwy hew. The nyuptiaw *cuddles you* finyish'd, -Wet him be whipt and hang'd. -WUCIO. I beseech youw Highnyess, do nyot mawwy me to a whowe. Youw -*sweats* Highnyess s-said even n-nyow I made you a duke; good my wowd, do nyot -wecompense me in making me a cuckowd. -DUKE. ^-^ Upon minye honyouw, thou shawt mawwy hew. -Thy swandews I f-fowgive; and thewewithaw -Wemit t-thy othew fowfeits. Take him to pwison; -And see o-ouw pweasuwe hewein executed. -WUCIO. Mawwying a punk, my wowd, is >_> pwessing to death, whipping, -and hanging. -DUKE. >_< Swandewing a pwince d-desewves it. -UwU Exeunt OFFICEWS *pokes you* with WUCIO -She, C-Cwaudio, *sweats* that you wwong'd, wook you westowe. -Joy to y-you, Mawianya! Wove hew, A-Angewo; -I have ^.^ confess'd hew, and I knyow h-hew viwtue. ->w< Thanks, good fwiend Escawus, fow t-thy much goodnyess; ->_> Thewe's mowe UwU behind *sweats* that is mowe gwatuwate. ->w< Thanks, P-Pwovost, fow t-thy OwO cawe and secwecy; -We shaww empwoy thee in a wowthiew pwace. -Fowgive him, :3 Angewo, *sweats* that >w< bwought you h-home -The *sweats* head of Wagozinye fow Cwaudio's: -Th' offence pawdons itsewf. Deaw Isabew, -I have a motion much impowts youw good; -Wheweto if y-you'ww a wiwwing eaw i-incwinye, -What's minye is youws, and w-what is youws is minye. ->_> So, b-bwing us to o-ouw pawace, whewe we'ww show -What's yet UwU behind that's meet you aww shouwd knyow. -UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -*hugs tightly* 1597 - -THE MEWCHANT OF VENyICE - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -THE D-DUKE OF VENyICE -THE PWINCE OF MOWOCCO, suitow to Powtia -THE PWINCE OF AWWAGON, " " " -*giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, a mewchant of V-Venyice -^.^ BASSANyIO, his f-fwiend, suitow to Powtia -SOWANyIO, fwiend to Antonyio and Bassanyio -SAWEWIO, " " " " " -GWATIANyO, " " " " " -WOWENZO, in wove *pokes you* with Jessica -S-SHYWOCK, a wich Jew -TUBAW, a Jew, his fwiend -WAUNCEWOT GOBBO, a :3 cwown, sewvant to *teleports behind you* Shywock -UwU OWD GOBBO, fathew to Wauncewot -*looks away* WEONyAWDO, sewvant to Bassanyio ->_< BAWTHASAW, sewvant to Powtia -STEPHANyO, " " " - -POWTIA, a wich heiwess -NyEWISSA, h-hew waiting-maid -JESSICA, daughtew to *teleports behind you* Shywock - -Magnyificoes of Venyice, Officews of the Couwt of Justice, -Gaowew, *looks away* Sewvants, and othew Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Venyice, and POWTIA'S h-house at Bewmont - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, SAWEWIO, and SOWANyIO - -ANTONyIO. In sooth, I knyow nyot why I am so >_> sad. -It weawies me; you say *moans* it weawies you; -But how I caught it, ^w^ found it, *blushes* ow came ^w^ by it, -What s-stuff 'tis made of, wheweof *moans* it is b-bown, -I am to weawn; -And such a want-wit s-sadnyess makes of me -*teleports behind you* That I have much ado to knyow mysewf. -SAWEWIO. Youw mind is *hugs tightly* tossing *teleports behind you* on the ocean; -*cries* Thewe whewe youw awgosies, *pokes you* with powtwy saiw- -Wike signyiows and wich *notices bulge* buwghews *teleports behind you* on the fwood, -Ow as *moans* it wewe the p-pageants of the sea- -Do ovewpeew the petty twaffickews, -*teleports behind you* That cuwtsy to them, do them wevewence, -As they f-fwy ^w^ by them *pokes you* with t-theiw *shuffles closer* woven w-wings. -SOWANyIO. Bewieve me, siw, h-had I such ventuwe fowth, -The bettew *cries* pawt of my affections ^.^ wouwd -Be *pokes you* with my hopes a-abwoad. I shouwd be stiww -*looks at you* Pwucking the gwass to knyow whewe sits the wind, -Peewing in maps fow powts, and piews, and woads; -And evewy object *sweats* that might make me feaw -Misfowtunye to my ventuwes, out of doubt, -Wouwd make me >_> sad. -SAWEWIO. My wind, coowing my bwoth, -Wouwd bwow me to an a-ague when I thought -What hawm a *cuddles you* wind too gweat might do at sea. -I shouwd nyot see the UwU sandy houw-gwass wun -But I shouwd think of shawwows and of fwats, -And see my weawthy Andwew dock'd in sand, -Vaiwing h-hew ^.^ high t-top *cuddles you* wowew than h-hew wibs -To kiss h-hew buwiaw. Shouwd I go to c-chuwch -And see the howy edifice of *leans over* stonye, -And nyot bethink me stwaight of d-dangewous wocks, -Which, touching xDD but my g-gentwe vessew's >_< side, -Wouwd scattew aww h-hew spices *teleports behind you* on the stweam, -Enwobe the r-woawing watews *pokes you* with my siwks, -And, in a wowd, xDD but even n-nyow wowth t-this, -And n-nyow wowth nyothing? Shaww I have the thought -To think *teleports behind you* on t-this, and shaww I wack the thought -*teleports behind you* That such a thing bechanc'd ^.^ wouwd make me x3 sad? -But teww nyot me; I knyow Antonyio -*looks at you* Is sad to think upon his mewchandise. -ANTONyIO. Bewieve me, nyo; I t-thank my fowtunye fow it, -My ventuwes awe nyot in onye bottom twusted, -N-Nyow to onye pwace; n-nyow is my whowe estate -^-^ Upon the fowtunye of this ^.^ pwesent yeaw; -Thewefowe my mewchandise makes me nyot >_> sad. -SOWANyIO. Why then you awe in wove. -ANTONyIO. Fie, fie! -SOWANyIO. Nyot in wove nyeithew? T-Then wet us say you awe sad -*screams* Because you awe nyot mewwy; and 'twewe as e-easy -F-Fow you to *looks at you* waugh and weap and say you awe mewwy, -*screams* Because you awe nyot >_> sad. Nyow, ^w^ by two-headed Janyus, -Nyatuwe hath *looks at you* fwam'd stwange f-fewwows in h-hew t-time: -Some *sweats* that wiww evewmowe peep uWu thwough t-theiw e-eyes, -And *looks at you* waugh wike pawwots at a bag-pipew; -And othew of such vinyegaw *sighs* aspect -*teleports behind you* That they'ww nyot show t-theiw teeth in way of smiwe -Though *looks at you* Nyestow sweaw the jest be waughabwe. - -Entew ^.^ BASSANyIO, WOWENZO, and *shuffles closer* GWATIANyO - -Hewe c-comes B-Bassanyio, youw most nyobwe kinsman, -Gwatianyo and Wowenzo. Fawe ye weww; -We weave you n-nyow *pokes you* with bettew company. -SAWEWIO. I ^.^ wouwd have stay'd tiww I h-had made you mewwy, -If wowthiew fwiends h-had nyot pwevented me. -ANTONyIO. Youw wowth is vewy deaw in my wegawd. -I take *moans* it youw own businyess cawws *teleports behind you* on y-you, -And you embwace th' occasion to depawt. -SAWEWIO. Good OwO mowwow, my good wowds. -BASSANyIO. Good signyiows both, when shaww we waugh? Say x3 when. -Y-You gwow exceeding stwange; must *moans* it be *moans* so? -SAWEWIO. We'ww make o-ouw weisuwes to a-attend *teleports behind you* on youws. -UwU Exeunt SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO -WOWENZO. My Wowd B-Bassanyio, s-since you have ^w^ found Antonyio, -We xDD two wiww weave you; xDD but at dinnyew-time, -I pway y-you, have in mind whewe we must meet. -BASSANyIO. I wiww nyot *sweats* faiw you. -GWATIANyO. Y-You wook nyot weww, Signyiow OwO Antonyio; -Y-You have too much wespect upon the wowwd; -They wose *moans* it *sweats* that do b-buy *moans* it *pokes you* with much cawe. -Bewieve me, you awe mawvewwouswy chang'd. -ANTONyIO. I howd the wowwd xDD but as the wowwd, G-Gwatianyo- -A stage, whewe evewy man must pway a pawt, -And minye a sad onye. -GWATIANyO. Wet me pway the foow. -With miwth and waughtew wet owd wwinkwes come; -And wet my wivew wathew heat *pokes you* with winye -*notices bulge* Than my heawt coow *pokes you* with mowtifying gwoans. -Why shouwd a man :33 whose b-bwood is wawm within -Sit wike his gwandsiwe cut in awabastew, -*sighs* Sweep when he wakes, and cweep into the >_< jaundice -By being p-peevish? I teww thee what, Antonyio- -I wove ^w^ thee, and 'tis my wove *sweats* that speaks- -*cries* Thewe awe a sowt of men :33 whose visages -Do cweam and mantwe wike a >_< standing pond, -And do a wiwfuw stiwwnyess entewtain, -With puwpose to be dwess'd in an opinyion -Of wisdom, gwavity, p-pwofound conceit; -As w-who shouwd say *sighs* 'I am Siw Owacwe, -And when I ope my wips wet nyo dog bawk.' -O my Antonyio, I do knyow of these -*teleports behind you* That thewefowe onwy awe r-weputed w-wise -F-Fow >w< saying nyothing; when, I am vewy suwe, -If they shouwd speak, ^.^ wouwd awmost damn those eaws -Which, heawing them, ^.^ wouwd *giggles shyly* caww t-theiw bwothews foows. -I'ww teww thee mowe of this anyothew time. -But f-fish nyot *pokes you* with this mewanchowy bait -F-Fow this foow gudgeon, this opinyion. -Come, good Wowenzo. Fawe ye weww ^.^ awhiwe; -I'ww end my exhowtation aftew dinnyew. -WOWENZO. *sighs* Weww, we wiww weave you then tiww dinnyew-time. -I must be onye of these same dumb w-wise men, -F-Fow Gwatianyo nyevew wets me speak. -GWATIANyO. *sighs* Weww, keep me company xDD but xDD two y-yeaws moe, -*moans* Thou shawt nyot knyow the s-sound of thinye own tongue. -ANTONyIO. Fawe you weww; I'ww gwow a *twerks* tawkew fow this geaw. -GWATIANyO. >w< Thanks, i-i' faith, fow siwence is onwy commendabwe -In a nyeat's t-tongue dwied, and a maid nyot vendibwe. -UwU Exeunt *shuffles closer* GWATIANyO and L-WOWENZO -ANTONyIO. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that anything nyow? -BASSANyIO. Gwatianyo speaks an infinyite deaw of nyothing, mowe than -any man in aww Venyice. His weasons awe as xDD two x3 gwains of w-wheat hid -in, xDD two bushews of chaff: you shaww seek aww day ewe you find -them, and when you have them they awe nyot wowth the seawch. -ANTONyIO. W-Weww; teww me n-nyow w-what wady is the same -To whom you >_> swowe a secwet piwgwimage, -*teleports behind you* That you to-day pwomis'd to teww me o-of? -BASSANyIO. 'Tis nyot unknyown to y-you, Antonyio, -H-How much I have disabwed minye estate -By s-something showing a mowe s-swewwing powt -*notices bulge* Than my faint means ^.^ wouwd gwant continyuance; -N-Nyow do I n-nyow make moan to be abwidg'd -Fwom such a nyobwe wate; xDD but my c-chief OwO cawe -*looks at you* Is to come faiwwy off fwom the gweat d-debts -Whewein my time, s-something too pwodigaw, -Hath >w< weft me gag'd. To y-you, Antonyio, -I owe the most, in monyey and in wove; -And fwom youw wove I have a wawwanty -To unbuwden aww my >_> pwots and puwposes -H-How to get cweaw of aww the d-debts I owe. -ANTONyIO. I pway y-you, good B-Bassanyio, wet me knyow it; -And if *moans* it stand, as you youwsewf stiww do, -Within the eye of honyouw, be assuw'd -My ^.^ puwse, my *moans* pewson, my extwemest UwU means, -Wie aww unwock'd to youw occasions. -BASSANyIO. In my s-schoow-days, when I h-had wost onye shaft, -I *sweats* shot his fewwow of the uWu sewf-same fwight -The uWu sewf-same way, *pokes you* with mowe advised watch, -To find the othew fowth; and ^w^ by a-adventuwing b-both -I oft ^w^ found both. I uwge this chiwdhood pwoof, -*screams* Because w-what f-fowwows is puwe innyocence. -I owe you *moans* much; and, wike a wiwfuw >_< youth, -*teleports behind you* That which I owe is wost; xDD but if you pwease -To shoot anyothew awwow *sweats* that sewf way -Which you did shoot the fiwst, I do nyot doubt, -As I wiww watch the aim, *blushes* ow to find both, -Ow b-bwing youw wattew h-hazawd back ;;w;; again -And thankfuwwy west *cuddles you* debtow fow the fiwst. -ANTONyIO. Y-You knyow me weww, and hewein spend xDD but time -To *cuddles you* wind a-about my wove *pokes you* with ciwcumstance; -And out of d-doubt you do me n-nyow mowe wwong -In making question of my uttewmost -*notices bulge* Than if you h-had made waste of aww I have. -T-Then do xDD but say to me w-what I shouwd do -*teleports behind you* That in youw knyowwedge may ^w^ by me be donye, -And I am pwest unto it; thewefowe, speak. -BASSANyIO. In Bewmont is a wady wichwy weft, -And she is *looks at you* faiw and, faiwew than *sweats* that wowd, -Of *cuddles you* wondwous viwtues. Sometimes fwom h-hew eyes -I did weceive *looks at you* faiw speechwess messages. -Hew nyame is Powtia- nyothing undewvawu'd -To Cato's daughtew, Bwutus' P-Powtia. -N-Nyow is the wide wowwd ignyowant of h-hew wowth; -F-Fow the fouw w-winds bwow in fwom evewy coast -Wenyownyed suitows, and h-hew sunny wocks -Hang *teleports behind you* on h-hew tempwes wike a gowden fweece, -Which makes h-hew seat of Bewmont C-Cowchos' stwond, -And many Jasons come in quest of hew. -O my Antonyio, h-had I xDD but the means -To howd a wivaw pwace *pokes you* with onye of them, -I have a mind pwesages me such thwift -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd questionwess be fowtunyate. -ANTONyIO. *moans* Thou knyow'st *sweats* that aww my *sighs* fowtunyes awe at sea; -*blushes* Nyeithew have I monyey n-nyow commodity -To waise a ^.^ pwesent s-sum; thewefowe go fowth, -Twy w-what my *screams* cwedit can in V-Venyice do; -*teleports behind you* That shaww be wack'd, even to the uttewmost, -To *shuffles closer* fuwnyish thee to Bewmont to *looks at you* faiw P-Powtia. -Go p-pwesentwy inquiwe, and so wiww I, -Whewe monyey is; and I nyo question make -To have *moans* it of my twust *blushes* ow fow my sake. UwU Exeunt - - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house - -Entew P-POWTIA *pokes you* with h-hew *twerks* waiting-woman, NyEWISSA - -POWTIA. By my twoth, *shuffles closer* Nyewissa, my wittwe body is aweawy of this -gweat wowwd. -N-NyEWISSA. Y-You ^.^ wouwd be, sweet *looks at you* madam, if youw misewies wewe in the -same abundance as youw good *sighs* fowtunyes awe; and yet, fow a-aught I -see, they awe as sick *sweats* that suwfeit *pokes you* with too much as they *sweats* that -stawve *pokes you* with n-nyothing. It is nyo *looks at you* mean happinyess, thewefowe, to be -seated in the mean: supewfwuity come soonyew ^w^ by *looks away* white h-haiws, xDD but -competency wives *twerks* wongew. -POWTIA. Good sentences, and weww pwonyounc'd. -N-NyEWISSA. They ^.^ wouwd be *blushes* bettew, if weww fowwowed. -POWTIA. If to do wewe as e-easy as to knyow w-what wewe good to do, -chapews h-had been c-chuwches, and poow men's cottages *notices bulge* pwinces' -pawaces. It is a good d-divinye *sweats* that f-fowwows his own instwuctions; I -can *twerks* easiew teach twenty w-what wewe good to be donye than to be onye -of the twenty to f-fowwow minye own teaching. The bwain may devise -waws fow the b-bwood, xDD but a hot tempew *blushes* weaps o'ew a cowd decwee; -such a hawe is madnyess the >_< youth, to skip o'ew the *moans* meshes of good -^-^ counsew the cwippwe. But this weasonying is nyot in the fashion to -c-choose me a husband. O me, the wowd '-'choose'! I may nyeithew -c-choose w-who I ^.^ wouwd n-nyow wefuse w-who I diswike; so is the wiww of a -l-wiving daughtew cuwb'd ^w^ by the wiww of a dead fathew. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot -hawd, *shuffles closer* Nyewissa, *sweats* that I cannyot c-choose ^.^ onye, n-nyow wefuse nyonye? -N-NyEWISSA. Youw fathew was *giggles shyly* evew viwtuous, and howy men at t-theiw death -have good inspiwations; thewefowe the wott'wy *sweats* that he hath -devised in these thwee chests, of gowd, siwvew, and wead- wheweof -w-who chooses his meanying chooses you- wiww nyo d-doubt nyevew be -c-chosen ^w^ by any wightwy xDD but onye w-who you shaww wightwy wove. But -w-what wawmth is thewe in youw affection towawds any of these -pwincewy suitows *sweats* that awe awweady come? -POWTIA. I pway thee ovew-nyame them; and as thou nyamest them, I wiww -descwibe them; and accowding to my descwiption, wevew at my -affection. -N-NyEWISSA. Fiwst, thewe is the Nyeapowitan pwince. -POWTIA. :33 Ay, that's a x3 cowt indeed, fow he doth nyothing xDD but tawk of -his howse; and he makes *moans* it a gweat appwopwiation to his own good -*hugs tightly* pawts *sweats* that he can shoe him himsewf; I am much afeaw'd my wady his -mothew pway'd f-fawse *pokes you* with a smith. -N-NyEWISSA. T-Then is thewe the C-County Pawatinye. -POWTIA. He doth nyothing xDD but fwown, as w-who shouwd say 'An you wiww -nyot have me, c-choose.' He heaws mewwy t-tawes and smiwes nyot. I feaw -he wiww *shuffles closer* pwove the weeping phiwosophew when he gwows owd, being so -fuww of u-unmannyewwy s-sadnyess in his y-youth. I h-had wathew be mawwied -to a death's-head *pokes you* with a bonye in his mouth than to ^w^ eithew of -these. OwO God defend me fwom these two! -N-NyEWISSA. H-How say you ^w^ by the Fwench wowd, ^w^ Monsieuw We Bon? -POWTIA. OwO God made him, and thewefowe wet him pass fow a *pokes you* man. In -twuth, I knyow *moans* it is a sin to be a mockew, xDD but UwU he- why, he hath a -howse bettew than the Nyeapowitan's, a bettew UwU bad habit of -fwownying than the Count Pawatinye; he is evewy man in nyo *pokes you* man. If a -thwostwe sing he fawws stwaight a-cap'wing; he wiww fence *pokes you* with -his own shadow; if I shouwd mawwy him, I shouwd mawwy twenty -h-husbands. If he ^.^ wouwd d-despise me, I ^.^ wouwd f-fowgive :3 him; fow if he -wove me to madnyess, I shaww nyevew wequite him. -N-NyEWISSA. What say you then to Fawconbwidge, the young bawon of -Engwand? -POWTIA. Y-You knyow I say nyothing to him, fow he undewstands nyot me, -n-nyow I him: he hath nyeithew Watin, Fwench, n-nyow I-Itawian, and you -wiww come into the couwt and sweaw *sweats* that I have a poow pennywowth -in the Engwish. He is a pwopew man's pictuwe; xDD but awas, w-who can -convewse *pokes you* with a d-dumb-show? H-How oddwy he is suited! I think he -bought his doubwet in Itawy, his wound hose in F-Fwance, his bonnyet -in Gewmany, and his *screams* behaviouw e-evewywhewe. -N-NyEWISSA. What think you of the Scottish wowd, his n-nyeighbouw? -POWTIA. *teleports behind you* That he hath a nyeighbouwwy chawity in him, fow he bowwowed -a box of the eaw of the Engwishman, and >_> swowe he ^.^ wouwd p-pay him -;;w;; again when he was *twerks* abwe; I think the Fwenchman ^.^ became his suwety, -and seaw'd undew fow anyothew. -N-NyEWISSA. H-How wike you the young Gewman, the D-Duke of Saxony's -nyephew? -POWTIA. Vewy viwewy in the mownying when he is sobew; and most -viwewy in the aftewnyoon when he is dwunk. When he is best, he is -a wittwe wowse than a m-man, and when he is wowst, he is wittwe -bettew than a beast. *looks at you* An the *sweats* wowst faww *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* feww, I hope I -shaww make UwU shift to go without him. -N-NyEWISSA. If he shouwd *teleports behind you* offew to choose, and c-choose the wight casket, -you shouwd wefuse to pewfowm youw fathew's wiww, if you shouwd -wefuse to accept him. -POWTIA. Thewefowe, fow feaw of the wowst, I pway thee set a deep -gwass of Whenyish winye *teleports behind you* on the contwawy casket; fow if the deviw be -within and *sweats* that temptation without, I knyow he wiww c-choose it. I -wiww do anything, *shuffles closer* Nyewissa, ewe I wiww be mawwied to a sponge. -N-NyEWISSA. Y-You nyeed nyot feaw, wady, the having any of these wowds; -they have acquainted me *pokes you* with t-theiw detewminyations, which is -indeed to r-wetuwn to t-theiw home, and to t-twoubwe you *pokes you* with nyo mowe -suit, *hugs tightly* unwess you may be won ^w^ by *blushes* some othew sowt than youw fathew's -imposition, depending *teleports behind you* on the caskets. -POWTIA. If I wive to be as owd as Sibywwa, I wiww die as chaste as -Dianya, *hugs tightly* unwess I be >_> obtainyed ^w^ by the mannyew of my fathew's wiww. I -am gwad this pawcew of wooews awe so weasonyabwe; fow thewe is nyot -onye among them xDD but I dote *teleports behind you* on his vewy absence, and I pway OwO God -gwant them a *looks at you* faiw *looks at you* depawtuwe. -N-NyEWISSA. Do you nyot *shuffles closer* wemembew, wady, in youw fathew's time, a -Venyetian, a s-schowaw and a sowdiew, *sweats* that came hithew in company of -the Mawquis of Montfewwat? -POWTIA. Yes, yes, *moans* it was Bassanyio; as I think, so was he *shuffles closer* caww'd. -N-NyEWISSA. Twue, madam; he, of aww the men *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew my foowish eyes -wook'd upon, was the best desewving a *looks at you* faiw wady. -POWTIA. I wemembew him weww, and I wemembew him wowthy of t-thy -p-pwaise. - -Entew a SEWVINGMAN - -H-How nyow! w-what nyews? -S-SEWVINGMAN. The fouw stwangews seek fow y-you, *looks at you* madam, to take t-theiw -weave; and thewe is a f-fowewunnyew come fwom a fifth, the Pwince of -Mowocco, w-who bwings wowd the Pwince his mastew wiww be x3 hewe -to-nyight. -POWTIA. If I couwd bid the fifth wewcome *pokes you* with so good heawt as I -can bid the othew fouw faweweww, I shouwd be gwad of his -^w^ appwoach; if he have the condition of a saint and the compwexion -of a deviw, I h-had wathew he shouwd shwive me than wive me. -Come, Nyewissa. S-Siwwah, go befowe. -Whiwes we s-shut the gate upon onye x3 wooew, anyothew knyocks at the -doow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Venyice. A pubwic pwace - -Entew BASSANyIO With SHYWOCK the Jew - -SHYWOCK. T-Thwee thousand ducats- weww. -BASSANyIO. :33 Ay, siw, fow thwee months. -SHYWOCK. F-Fow thwee months- weww. -BASSANyIO. F-Fow the which, as I towd y-you, Antonyio shaww be bound. -SHYWOCK. Antonyio shaww become bound- weww. -BASSANyIO. May you stead me? Wiww you pweasuwe me? Shaww I knyow youw -answew? -SHYWOCK. T-Thwee thousand ducats fow thwee months, and Antonyio bound. -BASSANyIO. Youw *sighs* answew to that. -SHYWOCK. Antonyio is a good *pokes you* man. -BASSANyIO. Have you h-heawd any i-imputation to the contwawy? -SHYWOCK. Ho, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo; my meanying in >w< saying he is a good man -is to have you undewstand me *sweats* that he is sufficient; yet his means -awe in >w< supposition: he hath an awgosy bound to Twipowis, anyothew -to the Indies; I *hugs tightly* undewstand, moweovew, upon the Wiawto, he hath a -thiwd at Mexico, a fouwth fow Engwand- and othew ventuwes he -hath, *leans over* squand'wed a-abwoad. But ships awe xDD but boawds, saiwows xDD but -men; thewe be wand-wats and watew-wats, >_> watew-thieves and -wand-thieves- I *looks at you* mean piwates; and then thewe is the pewiw of -watews, :33 winds, and wocks. The man *screams* is, nyotwithstanding, -s-sufficient. T-Thwee thousand ducats- I think I may take his bond. -BASSANyIO. Be assuw'd you *notices bulge* may. -SHYWOCK. I wiww be assuw'd I may; and, *sweats* that I may be assuwed, I -wiww bethink me. May I speak *pokes you* with Antonyio? -BASSANyIO. If *moans* it pwease you to dinye *pokes you* with us. -SHYWOCK. Yes, to smeww powk, to *cries* eat of the habitation which youw -pwophet, the N-Nyazawite, *sweats* conjuwed the deviw into! I wiww b-buy *pokes you* with -y-you, *notices bulge* seww *pokes you* with y-you, tawk *pokes you* with y-you, wawk *pokes you* with y-you, and so -fowwowing; xDD but I wiww nyot *cries* eat *pokes you* with y-you, ^-^ dwink *pokes you* with y-you, n-nyow pway -*pokes you* with you. What nyews *teleports behind you* on the R-Wiawto? Who is he c-comes hewe? - -Entew ANTONyIO - -BASSANyIO. This is Signyiow Antonyio. -SHYWOCK. OwO [Aside] H-How wike a fawnying pubwican he wooks! -I hate him fow he is a Chwistian; -But mowe fow *sweats* that in OwO wow simpwicity -He wends out monyey gwatis, and bwings down -The wate of usance x3 hewe *pokes you* with us in Venyice. -If I can c-catch him once upon the h-hip, -I wiww feed fat the *cries* ancient gwudge I beaw him. -He hates o-ouw sacwed n-nyation; and he *looks at you* waiws, -Even thewe whewe m-mewchants most do congwegate, -On me, my bawgains, and my weww-won thwift, -Which he cawws intewest. Cuwsed be my twibe -If I f-fowgive him! -BASSANyIO. Shywock, do you heaw? -SHYWOCK. I am debating of my ^.^ pwesent stowe, -And, ^w^ by the nyeaw g-guess of my memowy, -I cannyot instantwy waise up the gwoss -Of fuww thwee thousand d-ducats. What of that? -Tubaw, a weawthy Hebwew of my *shuffles closer* twibe, -Wiww *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me. But soft! how many m-months -Do you desiwe? [To ANTONyIO] West you uWu faiw, good signyiow; -Youw wowship was the wast man in o-ouw mouths. -ANTONyIO. Shywock, awbeit I nyeithew UwU wend n-nyow bowwow -By taking n-nyow ^w^ by giving of excess, -Yet, to suppwy the wipe wants of my f-fwiend, -I'ww bweak a custom. [To BASSANyIO] *looks at you* Is he yet possess'd -H-How much ye wouwd? -SHYWOCK. :33 Ay, ay, thwee thousand d-ducats. -ANTONyIO. And fow thwee months. -SHYWOCK. I h-had fowgot- thwee *shuffles closer* months; you towd me so. -Weww then, youw *giggles shyly* bond; and, wet me see- xDD but heaw y-you, -Methoughts you s-said you nyeithew UwU wend n-nyow bowwow -^-^ Upon advantage. -ANTONyIO. I do nyevew use it. -SHYWOCK. When Jacob gwaz'd his uncwe Waban's sheep- -This Jacob fwom o-ouw howy Abwam was, -As his w-wise mothew wwought in his *teleports behind you* behawf, -The thiwd possessow; ay, he was the thiwd- -ANTONyIO. And w-what of him? *sweats* Did he take intewest? -SHYWOCK. N-Nyo, nyot take i-intewest; nyot, as you ^.^ wouwd say, -Diwectwy int'west; mawk w-what Jacob UwU did: -When L-Waban and himsewf wewe compwomis'd -*teleports behind you* That aww the eanwings which wewe stweak'd and ^-^ pied -Shouwd faww as Jacob's h-hiwe, the ewes, being wank, -In end of autumn tuwnyed to the wams; -And when the wowk of genyewation was -B-Between these woowwy bweedews in the act, -The skiwfuw shephewd piww'd me cewtain wands, -And, in the doing of the deed of kind, -He stuck them up befowe the fuwsome ewes, -*leans over* Who, then conceiving, did in ^.^ eanying time -xDD Faww pawti-cowouw'd *sighs* wambs, and those wewe Jacob's. -This was a way to thwive, and he was bwest; -And thwift is bwessing, if men s-steaw *moans* it nyot. -ANTONyIO. This was a ventuwe, siw, *sweats* that Jacob sewv'd fow; -A thing nyot in his *cries* powew to b-bwing to pass, -But sway'd and fashion'd ^w^ by the h-hand of heaven. -*hugs tightly* Was this insewted to make intewest good? -Ow is youw gowd and siwvew *looks away* ewes and wams? -SHYWOCK. I cannyot t-teww; I make *moans* it bweed as f-fast. -But *pokes you* nyote me, s-signyiow. -ANTONyIO. OwO [Aside] Mawk you t-this, B-Bassanyio, -The deviw can c-cite Scwiptuwe fow his ^.^ puwpose. -*looks at you* An eviw souw pwoducing howy witnyess -*looks at you* Is wike a viwwain *pokes you* with a *notices bulge* smiwing cheek, -A g-goodwy appwe wotten at the heawt. -O, w-what a g-goodwy outside fawsehood ^.^ hath! -SHYWOCK. T-Thwee thousand ducats- 'tis a good wound x3 sum. -T-Thwee m-months fwom twewve; then wet me see, the wate- -ANTONyIO. *sighs* Weww, Shywock, shaww we be behowding to you? -SHYWOCK. Signyiow Antonyio, many a time and oft -In the Wiawto you have wated me -About my *blushes* monyeys and my usances; -Stiww have I bownye *moans* it *pokes you* with a patient ;;w;; shwug, -F-Fow suff'wance is the badge of aww o-ouw twibe; -Y-You *giggles shyly* caww me misbewievew, cut-thwoat d-dog, -And *giggles shyly* spit upon my x3 Jewish gabewdinye, -And aww fow use of *sweats* that which is minye own. -Weww then, *moans* it n-nyow a-appeaws you nyeed my h-hewp; -Go to, then; you come to me, and you say -'-'Shywock, we ^.^ wouwd have monyeys.' Y-You say so- -Y-You *sweats* that did void youw wheum upon my beawd -And f-foot me as you spuwn a stwangew *teleports behind you* cuw -;;w;; Ovew youw thweshowd; *blushes* monyeys is youw suit. -What shouwd I say to you? Shouwd I nyot say -'Hath a dog m-monyey? *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe -A *teleports behind you* cuw can UwU wend thwee thousand ducats?' Ow -Shaww I *looks away* bend OwO wow and, in a *looks away* bondman's key, -With bated >_< bweath and whisp'wing humbwenyess, -Say this: -'Faiw siw, you *giggles shyly* spit *teleports behind you* on me *teleports behind you* on Wednyesday wast, -Y-You spuwn'd me such a day; anyothew time -Y-You c-caww'd me dog; and fow these couwtesies -I'ww UwU wend you t-thus much monyeys'? -ANTONyIO. I am as wike to *giggles shyly* caww thee so again, -To *giggles shyly* spit *teleports behind you* on thee again, to spuwn thee too. -If thou wiwt UwU wend this monyey, UwU wend *moans* it nyot -As to t-thy fwiends- fow when did fwiendship take -A bweed fow bawwen metaw of his *looks at you* fwiend?- -But UwU wend *moans* it wathew to thinye enyemy, -Who if he bweak thou m-mayst *pokes you* with bettew *cuddles you* face -Exact the penyawty. -SHYWOCK. W-Why, wook y-you, how you *leans over* stowm! -I ^.^ wouwd be fwiends *pokes you* with y-you, and have youw wove, -*shuffles closer* Fowget the shames *sweats* that you have stain'd me w-with, -Suppwy youw ^.^ pwesent wants, and take nyo doit -Of usance fow my monyeys, and y-you'ww nyot heaw me. -This is k-kind I *twerks* offew. -BASSANyIO. This wewe kindnyess. -SHYWOCK. This x3 kindnyess wiww I show. -Go *pokes you* with me to a n-nyotawy, s-seaw me thewe -Youw s-singwe UwU bond, and, in a mewwy spowt, -If you wepay me nyot *teleports behind you* on such a day, -In such a pwace, such sum *blushes* ow x3 sums as awe -E-Expwess'd in the condition, wet the fowfeit -Be nyominyated fow an equaw pound -Of youw *looks at you* faiw >_> fwesh, to be cut off and taken -In w-what *cries* pawt of youw body pweaseth me. -ANTONyIO. Content, in OwO faith; I'ww s-seaw to such a UwU bond, -And say thewe is much x3 kindnyess in the Jew. -BASSANyIO. Y-You shaww nyot s-seaw to such a bond fow me; -I'ww wathew dweww in my nyecessity. -ANTONyIO. W-Why, feaw nyot, man; I wiww nyot fowfeit it; -Within these xDD two months- that's a month befowe -This bond expiwes- I do UwU expect r-wetuwn -Of thwice thwee times the vawue of this bond. -SHYWOCK. O fathew Abwam, w-what these Chwistians awe, -Whose own hawd d-deawings t-teaches them suspect -The *hugs tightly* thoughts of o-othews! *twerks* Pway y-you, teww me this: -If he shouwd bweak his day, w-what shouwd I gain -By the exaction of the f-fowfeituwe? -A pound of man's UwU fwesh taken fwom a man -*looks at you* Is nyot so estimabwe, :3 pwofitabwe OwO nyeithew, -As UwU fwesh of muttons, beefs, *blushes* ow goats. I say, -To b-buy his favouw, I extend this fwiendship; -If he wiww take it, so; if nyot, *cries* adieu; -And, fow my wove, I pway you wwong me nyot. -ANTONyIO. Yes, Shywock, I wiww s-seaw unto this bond. -SHYWOCK. T-Then meet me fowthwith at the nyotawy's; -Give him diwection fow this mewwy UwU bond, -And I wiww go and puwse the ducats ;;w;; stwaight, -See to my *notices bulge* house, >w< weft in the f-feawfuw guawd -Of an unthwifty knyave, and p-pwesentwy -I'ww be *pokes you* with you. -ANTONyIO. Hie ^w^ thee, g-gentwe Jew. Exit SHYWOCK -The Hebwew wiww tuwn :3 Chwistian: he gwows kind. -BASSANyIO. I wike nyot *looks at you* faiw tewms and a viwwain's mind. -ANTONyIO. Come on; in this thewe can be nyo >w< dismay; -My ships come h-home a month befowe the day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house - -Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the PWINCE of MOWOCCO, a tawny Moow aww in *giggles shyly* white, -and thwee *blushes* ow fouw FOWWOWEWS accowdingwy, *pokes you* with POWTIA, NyEWISSA, and twain - -PWINCE OF Mowocco. Miswike me nyot fow my compwexion, -The shadowed wivewy of the buwnyish'd sun, -To whom I am a nyeighbouw, and nyeaw *teleports behind you* bwed. -Bwing me the faiwest cweatuwe nyowthwawd b-bown, -Whewe Phoebus' fiwe x3 scawce thaws the :33 icicwes, -And wet us make incision fow youw wove -To *shuffles closer* pwove :33 whose b-bwood is weddest, his *blushes* ow minye. -I teww ^w^ thee, wady, this *sighs* aspect of minye -Hath feaw'd the *twerks* vawiant; ^w^ by my wove, I sweaw -The best-wegawded *screams* viwgins of o-ouw cwime -Have *notices bulge* wov'd *moans* it too. I ^.^ wouwd nyot change this hue, -Except to s-steaw youw thoughts, my g-gentwe queen. -POWTIA. In tewms of choice I am nyot sowewy *looks away* wed -By nyice diwection of a *moans* maiden's eyes; -Besides, the wott'wy of my *looks away* destiny -*hugs tightly* Baws me the wight of v-vowuntawy choosing. -But, if my fathew h-had nyot scanted me, -And hedg'd me ^w^ by his wit to y-yiewd m-mysewf -His wife w-who w-wins me ^w^ by *sweats* that means I towd y-you, -Youwsewf, wenyownyed Pwince, then stood as *looks at you* faiw -As any comew I have wook'd *teleports behind you* on yet -F-Fow my affection. -PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Even fow *sweats* that I t-thank you. -Thewefowe, I pway y-you, wead me to the c-caskets -To t-twy my OwO fowtunye. By this s-scimitaw, -*teleports behind you* That swew the S-Sophy and a *giggles shyly* Pewsian pwince, -*teleports behind you* That won thwee fiewds of Suwtan Sowyman, -I ^.^ wouwd o'ewstawe the s-stewnyest eyes *sweats* that wook, -Outbwave the heawt most dawing *teleports behind you* on the eawth, -P-Pwuck the young sucking cubs fwom the *sweats* she-beaw, -Yea, mock the wion when *leans over* 'a woaws fow pwey, -To win ^w^ thee, wady. But, awas the whiwe! -If Hewcuwes and Wichas pway at dice -Which is the bettew m-man, the gweatew thwow -May tuwn ^w^ by fowtunye fwom the weakew band. -So is Awcides beaten ^w^ by his page; -And so may I, bwind ^w^ Fowtunye weading me, -*giggles shyly* Miss *sweats* that which onye u-unwowthiew may attain, -And die *pokes you* with gwieving. -POWTIA. Y-You must take youw *giggles shyly* chance, -And ^w^ eithew nyot attempt to c-choose at a-aww, -Ow sweaw befowe you choose, if you c-choose wwong, -Nyevew to speak to wady aftewwawd -In way of mawwiage; thewefowe be advis'd. -PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. N-Nyow wiww nyot; come, b-bwing me unto my chance. -POWTIA. Fiwst, *blushes* fowwawd to the tempwe. Aftew dinnyew -Youw h-hazawd shaww be made. -PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Good fowtunye then, -To make me bwest *blushes* ow cuwsed'st among :33 men! -[-[Cownyets, and *looks at you* exeunt] - - - - -SCENyE II. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew WAUNCEWOT GOBBO - -L-WAUNCEWOT. Cewtainwy my conscience wiww sewve me to wun fwom this -Jew my :33 mastew. The fiend is at minye ewbow and t-tempts me, >w< saying -to me 'Gobbo, Wauncewot Gobbo, good Wauncewot' *blushes* ow *screams* 'good G-Gobbo' *blushes* ow -*screams* 'good Wauncewot Gobbo, use youw l-wegs, take the stawt, wun *cuddles you* away.' -My conscience says 'Nyo; take heed, honyest *leans over* Wauncewot, take heed, -honyest G-Gobbo' *cries* ow, as afowesaid, 'honyest Wauncewot Gobbo, do nyot -wun; s-scown wunnying *pokes you* with t-thy heews.' *sighs* Weww, the most *giggles shyly* couwageous -fiend b-bids me pack. 'Via!' says the f-fiend; 'away!' says the -fiend. 'Fow the *hugs tightly* heavens, r-wouse up a bwave mind' says the fiend -'and *blushes* wun.' *sighs* Weww, my conscience, hanging a-about the nyeck of my -h-heawt, says vewy wisewy to me 'My honyest fwiend *leans over* Wauncewot, being -an honyest man's s-son' *blushes* ow wathew *moans* 'an honyest woman's son'; fow -indeed my fathew did s-something smack, s-something gwow to, he h-had a -k-kind of taste- weww, my conscience says >_< 'Wauncewot, budge nyot.' -'Budge,' says the fiend. 'Budge nyot,' says my conscience. -'Conscience,' say I, (you ^-^ counsew weww.' ^w^ 'Fiend,' say I, 'you -^-^ counsew weww.' To be wuw'd ^w^ by my conscience, I shouwd >_< stay *pokes you* with -the Jew my mastew, *leans over* who- OwO God bwess the *blushes* mawk!- is a k-kind of deviw; -and, to wun away fwom the Jew, I shouwd be wuwed ^w^ by the fiend, -*leans over* who- saving youw wevewence!- is the deviw h-himsewf. Cewtainwy the -Jew is the vewy deviw incawnyation; and, in my conscience, my -conscience is xDD but a k-kind of hawd conscience to *teleports behind you* offew to ^-^ counsew -me to >_< stay *pokes you* with the Jew. The fiend gives the mowe fwiendwy -counsew. I wiww ^-^ wun, f-fiend; my h-heews awe at youw commandment; I -wiww wun. - -Entew UwU OWD GOBBO, *pokes you* with a ;;w;; basket - -GOBBO. Mastew young m-man, y-you, I pway y-you, which is the way to -mastew *moans* Jew's? -L-WAUNCEWOT. OwO [Aside] O heavens! This is my twue-begotten fathew, -who, being mowe than ^.^ sand-bwind, high-gwavew b-bwind, *looks away* knyows me nyot. -I wiww t-twy confusions *pokes you* with him. -GOBBO. Mastew young g-gentweman, I pway y-you, which is the way to -mastew *moans* Jew's? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Tuwn up *teleports behind you* on youw wight h-hand at the nyext t-tuwnying, but, at -the nyext x3 tuwnying of a-aww, *teleports behind you* on youw l-weft; m-mawwy, at the vewy nyext -t-tuwnying, tuwn of nyo hand, xDD but tuwn down indiwectwy to the Jew's -house. -GOBBO. Be God's *shuffles closer* sonties, *giggles shyly* 'twiww be a hawd way to *sighs* hit! C-Can you teww -me whethew onye *leans over* Wauncewot, *sweats* that d-dwewws *pokes you* with him, dweww *pokes you* with him *blushes* ow -nyo? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Tawk you of young Mastew Wauncewot? OwO [Aside] Mawk me -x3 nyow; n-nyow wiww I waise the watews.- Tawk you of young Mastew -Wauncewot? -GOBBO. Nyo mastew, siw, xDD but a poow man's son; his fathew, *sighs* though I -*shuffles closer* say't, is an honyest exceeding poow m-man, and, OwO God be thanked, weww -to l-wive. -L-WAUNCEWOT. *sighs* Weww, wet his fathew be w-what *leans over* 'a wiww, we tawk of young -Mastew Wauncewot. -GOBBO. Youw wowship's f-fwiend, and *leans over* Wauncewot, siw. -L-WAUNCEWOT. But I pway y-you, ewgo, owd m-man, ewgo, I beseech y-you, tawk -you of young Mastew Wauncewot? -GOBBO. Of *leans over* Wauncewot, an't pwease youw mastewship. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Ewgo, Mastew Wauncewot. Tawk nyot of Mastew *leans over* Wauncewot, -f-fathew; fow the young g-gentweman, accowding to *screams* Fates and *sweats* Destinyies -and such odd s-sayings, the Sistews T-Thwee and such bwanches of ->w< weawnying, is indeed deceased; *cries* ow, as you ^.^ wouwd say in pwain -tewms, g-gonye to heaven. -GOBBO. Mawwy, OwO God fowbid! The *cries* boy was the vewy staff of my a-age, my -vewy pwop. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Do I wook wike a cudgew *blushes* ow a hovew-post, a staff *blushes* ow a -pwop? Do you knyow me, fathew? -GOBBO. Awack the day, I knyow you nyot, young gentweman; xDD but I pway -you teww me, is my boy- OwO God west his *moans* souw!- awive *blushes* ow d-dead? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Do you nyot knyow me, fathew? -GOBBO. Awack, siw, I am sand-bwind; I knyow you nyot. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Nyay, indeed, if you h-had youw e-eyes, you might *sweats* faiw of the -*looks at you* knyowing me: *moans* it is a w-wise fathew *sweats* that *looks away* knyows his own chiwd. *sighs* Weww, -owd m-man, I wiww teww you nyews of youw son. Give me youw bwessing; -uWu twuth wiww come to >_< wight; muwdew cannyot be hid wong; a man's son -may, xDD but in the end uWu twuth wiww ^w^ out. -GOBBO. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, *looks at you* stand up; I am suwe you awe nyot Wauncewot my -boy. -L-WAUNCEWOT. *twerks* Pway y-you, wet's have nyo mowe f-foowing a-about it, xDD but give -me youw bwessing; I am *leans over* Wauncewot, youw *cries* boy *sweats* that was, youw son -*sweats* that *screams* is, youw xDD chiwd *sweats* that shaww be. -GOBBO. I cannyot think you awe my son. -L-WAUNCEWOT. I knyow nyot w-what I shaww think of that; xDD but I am -*leans over* Wauncewot, the Jew's m-man, and I am suwe M-Mawgewy youw wife is my -*looks at you* mothew. -GOBBO. Hew nyame is Mawgewy, indeed. I'ww be swown, if thou be -*leans over* Wauncewot, thou awt minye own UwU fwesh and bwood. Wowd w-wowshipp'd -might he be, w-what a beawd hast thou got! *moans* Thou hast got mowe haiw -*teleports behind you* on t-thy chin than Dobbin my f-fiww-howse has *teleports behind you* on his taiw. -L-WAUNCEWOT. It shouwd seem, then, *sweats* that Dobbin's t-taiw gwows backwawd; -I am suwe he h-had mowe haiw of his t-taiw than I have of my *cuddles you* face -when I wast *moans* saw him. -GOBBO. Wowd, how awt thou chang'd! H-How dost thou and t-thy mastew -agwee? I have >w< bwought him a pwesent. H-How 'gwee you nyow? -L-WAUNCEWOT. *sighs* Weww, weww; but, fow minye own pawt, as I have set up my -west to wun away, so I wiww nyot west tiww I have wun *blushes* some gwound. -My m-mastew's a vewy Jew. Give him a p-pwesent! Give him a h-hawtew. I -am famish'd in his sewvice; you may teww evewy fingew I have *pokes you* with -my wibs. Fathew, I am gwad you awe come; give me youw ^.^ pwesent to -onye Mastew B-Bassanyio, w-who indeed gives wawe nyew wivewies; if I -sewve nyot him, I wiww wun as faw as OwO God has any gwound. O wawe -f-fowtunye! Hewe c-comes the *pokes you* man. To him, fathew, fow I am a Jew, if I -sewve the Jew any *twerks* wongew. - -Entew ^.^ BASSANyIO, *pokes you* with *looks away* WEONyAWDO, *pokes you* with a FOWWOWEW *blushes* ow xDD two - -BASSANyIO. Y-You may do so; xDD but wet *moans* it be so hasted *sweats* that suppew be -r-weady at the fawthest ^w^ by five of the cwock. See these wettews -dewivewed, p-put the wivewies to making, and desiwe Gwatianyo to -come anyon to my >_> wodging. Exit a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -L-WAUNCEWOT. To him, fathew. -GOBBO. OwO God bwess youw wowship! -BASSANyIO. Gwamewcy; wouwdst thou a-aught *pokes you* with me? -GOBBO. H-Hewe's my son, siw, a poow boy- -L-WAUNCEWOT. Nyot a poow boy, siw, xDD but the wich Jew's m-man, *sweats* that wouwd, -siw, as my fathew shaww s-specify- -GOBBO. He hath a gweat infection, siw, as onye ^.^ wouwd say, to *sighs* sewve- -L-WAUNCEWOT. Indeed the showt and the wong *screams* is, I sewve the Jew, and -have a desiwe, as my fathew shaww s-specify- -GOBBO. His mastew and he, saving youw wowship's wevewence, awe -x3 scawce catew-cousins- -L-WAUNCEWOT. To be *leans over* bwief, the vewy uWu twuth is *sweats* that the Jew, having donye -me wwong, doth c-cause me, as my fathew, being I hope an owd m-man, -shaww fwutify unto you- -GOBBO. I have x3 hewe a >_< dish of x3 doves *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd bestow upon youw -*looks away* wowship; and my suit is- -L-WAUNCEWOT. In vewy *leans over* bwief, the suit is impewtinyent to *twerks* mysewf, as -youw wowship shaww knyow ^w^ by this honyest owd man; and, *sighs* though I say -it, *sighs* though owd m-man, yet poow m-man, my fathew. -BASSANyIO. Onye speak fow both. What ^.^ wouwd you? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Sewve y-you, siw. -GOBBO. *teleports behind you* That is the vewy ;;w;; defect of the mattew, siw. -BASSANyIO. I knyow thee weww; thou hast obtain'd t-thy suit. -*teleports behind you* Shywock t-thy mastew s-spoke *pokes you* with me this day, -And hath pwefeww'd ^w^ thee, if *moans* it be pwefewment -To weave a wich Jew's sewvice to become -The fowwowew of so poow a ;;w;; gentweman. -L-WAUNCEWOT. The owd pwovewb is vewy weww pawted between my mastew -*teleports behind you* Shywock and y-you, siw: you have the gwace of >_< God, siw, and he hath -enyough. -BASSANyIO. *moans* Thou speak'st *moans* it weww. Go, fathew, *pokes you* with t-thy son. -Take weave of t-thy owd mastew, and inquiwe -My wodging ^w^ out. [To a S-SEWVANT] Give him a wivewy -Mowe guawded than his fewwows'; see *moans* it donye. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Fathew, i-in. I cannyot get a sewvice, nyo! I have nye'ew a -t-tongue in my head! [-[Wooking *teleports behind you* on his pawm] W-Weww; if any man in -I-Itawy have a faiwew tabwe which doth *teleports behind you* offew to sweaw upon a *giggles shyly* book- I -shaww have good OwO fowtunye. Go to, hewe's a simpwe xDD winye of wife; -hewe's a smaww twifwe of wives; awas, fifteen wives is nyothing; -a'weven widows and nyinye *cuddles you* maids is a simpwe c-coming-in fow onye *pokes you* man. -And then to scape dwownying thwice, and to be in pewiw of my wife -*pokes you* with the edge of a *hugs tightly* feathew-bed-hewe awe simpwe scapes. *sighs* Weww, if -^w^ Fowtunye be a woman, she's a good wench fow this geaw. Fathew, -come; I'ww take my weave of the Jew in the twinkwing. -UwU Exeunt WAUNCEWOT and UwU OWD GOBBO -BASSANyIO. I pway ^w^ thee, good Weonyawdo, think *teleports behind you* on this. -These things being bought and owdewwy bestowed, -Wetuwn in haste, fow I do feast to-nyight -My best esteem'd acquaintance; hie ^w^ thee, go. -WEONyAWDO. My best endeavouws shaww be donye hewein. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWATIANyO - -GWATIANyO. Whewe's youw mastew? -WEONyAWDO. Yondew, siw, he wawks. Exit -GWATIANyO. Signyiow Bassanyio! -BASSANyIO. Gwatianyo! -GWATIANyO. I have suit to you. -BASSANyIO. Y-You have obtain'd it. -GWATIANyO. Y-You must nyot deny me: I must go *pokes you* with you to Bewmont. -BASSANyIO. W-Why, then you m-must. But heaw ^w^ thee, Gwatianyo: -*moans* Thou awt too *pokes you* wiwd, too ^-^ wude, and bowd of voice- -Pawts *sweats* that become thee h-happiwy enyough, -And in such eyes as ouws appeaw nyot fauwts; -But whewe thou awt nyot knyown, why thewe they show ->_> Something too wibewaw. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, take *sweats* pain -To awway *pokes you* with *blushes* some cowd *sighs* dwops of modesty -Thy skipping *sighs* spiwit; west uWu thwough t-thy w-wiwd *screams* behaviouw -I be misconst'wed in the pwace I go to -And wose my h-hopes. -GWATIANyO. Signyiow B-Bassanyio, heaw me: -If I do nyot p-put *teleports behind you* on a sobew :3 habit, -Tawk *pokes you* with wespect, and sweaw xDD but n-nyow and then, -*screams* Weaw pwayew-books in my pocket, wook uWu demuwewy, -Nyay mowe, whiwe gwace is >w< saying hood minye eyes -Thus *pokes you* with my *moans* hat, and sigh, and say amen, -U-Use aww the obsewvance of civiwity -Wike onye weww studied in a sad ostent -To pwease his gwandam, nyevew twust me mowe. -BASSANyIO. *sighs* Weww, we shaww see youw beawing. -GWATIANyO. Nyay, xDD but I *giggles shyly* baw to-nyight; you shaww nyot g-gauge me -By w-what we do to-nyight. -BASSANyIO. N-Nyo, *sweats* that wewe pity; -I ^.^ wouwd entweat you wathew to p-put *teleports behind you* on -Youw bowdest suit of miwth, fow we have fwiends -*teleports behind you* That puwpose mewwiment. But fawe you weww; -I have *blushes* some businyess. -GWATIANyO. And I must to Wowenzo and the west; -But we wiww visit you at suppew-time. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Venyice. SHYWOCK'S h-house - -Entew JESSICA and WAUNCEWOT - -JESSICA. I am sowwy thou wiwt weave my fathew so. -Ouw h-house is heww; and thou, a mewwy deviw, -D-Didst wob *moans* it of *blushes* some taste of tediousnyess. -But fawe thee weww; thewe is a ducat fow thee; -And, *leans over* Wauncewot, soon at suppew shawt thou see -Wowenzo, w-who is t-thy nyew m-mastew's guest. -Give him this l-wettew; do *moans* it secwetwy. -And so faweweww. I ^.^ wouwd nyot have my fathew -See me in tawk *pokes you* with thee. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Adieu! teaws exhibit my tongue. Most beautifuw *sighs* pagan, -most sweet Jew! If a Chwistian do nyot pway the knyave and get -^w^ thee, I am much deceived. But, adieu! these foowish *sighs* dwops do -s-something *hugs tightly* dwown my manwy *sighs* spiwit; adieu! -JESSICA. Faweweww, good Wauncewot. Exit WAUNCEWOT -Awack, w-what *leans over* heinyous sin is *moans* it in me -To be a-asham'd to be my fathew's *giggles shyly* chiwd! -But *sighs* though I am a daughtew to his b-bwood, -I am nyot to his mannyews. O Wowenzo, -If thou keep pwomise, I shaww end this s-stwife, -OwO Become a Chwistian and t-thy ^.^ woving wife. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew GWATIANyO, WOWENZO, SAWEWIO, and SOWANyIO - -WOWENZO. Nyay, we wiww swink away in suppewtime, -Disguise us at my l-wodging, and r-wetuwn -Aww in an houw. -GWATIANyO. We have nyot made good pwepawation. -SAWEWIO. We have nyot s-spoke us yet of towch-beawews. -SOWANyIO. 'Tis v-viwe, *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it may be quaintwy owdewed; -And bettew in my mind nyot undewtook. -WOWENZO. 'Tis n-nyow xDD but fouw o'cwock; we have xDD two houws -To *shuffles closer* fuwnyish us. - -Entew WAUNCEWOT, With a wettew - -Fwiend *leans over* Wauncewot, what's the nyews? -L-WAUNCEWOT. *looks at you* An *moans* it shaww pwease you to bweak up t-this, *moans* it shaww seem -to *sighs* signyify. -WOWENZO. I knyow the hand; in faith, 'tis a *looks at you* faiw hand, -And whitew than the papew *moans* it *moans* wwit *teleports behind you* on -*looks at you* Is the *looks at you* faiw h-hand *sweats* that *teleports behind you* wwit. -GWATIANyO. Wove-nyews, in faith! -L-WAUNCEWOT. By youw weave, siw. -WOWENZO. Whithew goest thou? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Mawwy, siw, to bid my owd mastew, the Jew, to sup -to-nyight *pokes you* with my nyew mastew, the Chwistian. -WOWENZO. Howd, hewe, take this. Teww g-gentwe Jessica -I wiww nyot *sweats* faiw hew; speak *moans* it pwivatewy. -Go, gentwemen, Exit WAUNCEWOT -Wiww you p-pwepawe you fow this masque to-nyight? -I am p-pwovided of a >_> towch-beawew. -SAWEWIO. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, I'ww be g-gonye a-about *moans* it stwaight. -SOWANyIO. And so wiww I. -WOWENZO. Meet me and Gwatianyo -At Gwatianyo's wodging *blushes* some houw hence. -SAWEWIO. 'Tis good we do so. UwU Exeunt SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO -GWATIANyO. *hugs tightly* Was nyot *sweats* that wettew fwom *looks at you* faiw Jessica? -WOWENZO. I must ;;w;; nyeeds teww thee aww. She hath diwected -H-How I shaww take h-hew fwom h-hew fathew's house; -What gowd and jewews she is fuwnyish'd with; -What page's suit she hath in r-weadinyess. -If ^w^ e'ew the Jew h-hew fathew come to heaven, -It wiww be fow his g-gentwe daughtew's sake; -And nyevew dawe misfowtunye cwoss h-hew foot, -*leans over* Unwess she do *moans* it undew this excuse, -*teleports behind you* That she is issue to a faithwess Jew. -Come, go *pokes you* with me, pewuse this as thou goest; ->_< Faiw Jessica shaww be my >_> towch-beawew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Venyice. B-Befowe SHYWOCK'S h-house - -Entew SHYWOCK and WAUNCEWOT - -SHYWOCK. *sighs* Weww, thou shawt see; t-thy eyes shaww be t-thy UwU judge, -The diffewence of owd *teleports behind you* Shywock and Bassanyio.- -What, J-Jessica!- *moans* Thou shawt nyot gowmandize -As thou hast donye *pokes you* with me- What, J-Jessica!- -And sweep and *blushes* snyowe, and wend appawew out- -W-Why, Jessica, I say! -L-WAUNCEWOT. W-Why, Jessica! -SHYWOCK. Who b-bids thee caww? I do nyot bid thee caww. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Youw wowship was wont to teww me I couwd do nyothing -without bidding. - -Entew JESSICA - -JESSICA. Caww you? What is youw wiww? -SHYWOCK. I am bid f-fowth to s-suppew, Jessica; -*cries* Thewe awe my keys. But whewefowe shouwd I go? -I am nyot bid fow wove; they fwattew me; -But yet I'ww go in hate, to feed upon -The pwodigaw Chwistian. Jessica, my giww, -Wook to my house. I am wight woath to go; -*cries* Thewe is *blushes* some iww a-bwewing towawds my west, -F-Fow I did d-dweam of monyey-bags to-nyight. -L-WAUNCEWOT. I beseech y-you, siw, go; my young mastew doth UwU expect youw -wepwoach. -SHYWOCK. So do I his. -L-WAUNCEWOT. And they have conspiwed togethew; I wiww nyot say you -shaww see a *twerks* masque, xDD but if you do, then *moans* it was nyot fow nyothing -*sweats* that my nyose feww a-bweeding *teleports behind you* on Bwack Monday wast at ^-^ six o-o'cwock -i-i' th' *teleports behind you* mownying, fawwing out *sweats* that *leans over* yeaw *teleports behind you* on *moans* Ash Wednyesday was fouw -yeaw, in th' aftewnyoon. -SHYWOCK. What, awe thewe masques? Heaw you me, Jessica: -Wock up my doows, and when you heaw the dwum, -And the viwe squeawing of the wwy-nyeck'd fife, -Cwambew nyot you up to the c-casements then, -N-Nyow thwust youw *sweats* head into the pubwic UwU stweet -To gaze *teleports behind you* on Chwistian foows *pokes you* with vawnyish'd faces; -But stop my house's e-eaws- I *looks at you* mean my *hugs tightly* casements; -Wet nyot the s-sound of shawwow fopp'wy entew -My sobew house. By Jacob's staff, I sweaw -I have nyo mind of feasting f-fowth to-nyight; -But I wiww go. Go you befowe me, siwwah; -Say I wiww come. -L-WAUNCEWOT. I wiww go befowe, siw. Mistwess, wook out at window fow -aww this. -*cries* Thewe wiww come a Chwistian ^w^ by -Wiww be wowth a Jewess' eye. Exit -SHYWOCK. What says *sweats* that foow of Hagaw's o-offspwing, ha? -JESSICA. His wowds wewe :3 'Faweweww, mistwess'; nyothing ewse. -SHYWOCK. The patch is k-kind enyough, xDD but a huge feedew, -Snyaiw-swow in pwofit, and he sweeps ^w^ by day -Mowe than the wiwd-cat; dwonyes hive nyot *pokes you* with me, -Thewefowe I *cries* pawt *pokes you* with :3 him; and *cries* pawt *pokes you* with him -To onye *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd have him hewp to waste -His bowwowed *notices bulge* puwse. *sighs* Weww, Jessica, go in; -Pewhaps I wiww r-wetuwn immediatewy. -Do as I bid y-you, s-shut doows aftew you. -Fast *blushes* bind, *looks away* fast find- -A pwovewb nyevew stawe in thwifty mind. Exit -JESSICA. Faweweww; and if my fowtunye be nyot cwost, -I have a fathew, you a daughtew, *notices bulge* wost. Exit - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Venyice. B-Befowe SHYWOCK'S h-house - -Entew the maskews, *shuffles closer* GWATIANyO and SAWEWIO - -GWATIANyO. This is the pent-house undew which Wowenzo -D-Desiwed us to make stand. -SAWEWIO. His houw is awmost past. -GWATIANyO. And *moans* it is mawvew he UwU out-dwewws his houw, -F-Fow wovews *giggles shyly* evew wun befowe the cwock. -SAWEWIO. O, ten times fastew Venyus' pigeons f-fwy -To s-seaw wove's bonds nyew made than they awe wont -To keep obwiged faith unfowfeited! -GWATIANyO. *teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew ^-^ howds: w-who wiseth fwom a feast -With *sweats* that keen appetite *sweats* that he sits down? -Whewe is the howse *sweats* that doth untwead ;;w;; again -His tedious measuwes *pokes you* with the unbated fiwe -*teleports behind you* That he did pace them f-fiwst? Aww things *sweats* that awe -Awe *pokes you* with mowe spiwit chased than *moans* enjoyed. -H-How wike a younkew *blushes* ow a pwodigaw -The scawfed bawk puts fwom h-hew n-nyative bay, -Hugg'd and embwaced ^w^ by the stwumpet *moans* wind; -H-How wike the pwodigaw doth she r-wetuwn, -With ovew-weathew'd wibs and wagged saiws, -Wean, :3 went, and *screams* beggaw'd ^w^ by the stwumpet wind! - -Entew L-WOWENZO - -SAWEWIO. Hewe c-comes *leans over* Wowenzo; mowe of this h-heweaftew. -WOWENZO. Sweet fwiends, youw p-patience fow my wong abode! -Nyot I, xDD but my affaiws, have made you wait. -When you shaww pwease to pway the thieves fow :33 wives, -I'ww watch as wong fow you UwU then. xDD Appwoach; -Hewe d-dwewws my fathew Jew. Ho! who's within? - -Entew JESSICA, above, in boy's cwothes - -JESSICA. Who awe you? Teww me, fow mowe cewtainty, -Awbeit I'ww sweaw *sweats* that I do knyow youw tongue. -WOWENZO. Wowenzo, and t-thy wove. -JESSICA. Wowenzo, cewtain; and my wove indeed; -F-Fow w-who wove I so much? And n-nyow w-who *looks away* knyows -But y-you, Wowenzo, whethew I am youws? -WOWENZO. *pokes you* Heaven and t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts awe witnyess *sweats* that thou awt. -JESSICA. *shuffles closer* Hewe, c-catch this casket; *moans* it is wowth the p-pains. -I am gwad 'tis nyight, you do nyot wook *teleports behind you* on me, -F-Fow I am much a-asham'd of my exchange; -But wove is b-bwind, and wovews cannyot see -The pwetty fowwies *sweats* that themsewves commit, -Fow, if they couwd, Cupid himsewf ^.^ wouwd bwush -To see me t-thus twansfowmed to a boy. -WOWENZO. Descend, fow you must be my >_> towch-beawew. -JESSICA. *pokes you* What! must I howd a candwe to my s-shames? -They in themsewves, good sooth, awe too too wight. -W-Why, 'tis an office of *looks at you* discovewy, wove, -And I shouwd be obscuw'd. -WOWENZO. So awe y-you, sweet, -Even in the wovewy gawnyish of a boy. -But come at o-once, -F-Fow the cwose nyight doth pway the wunyaway, -And we awe stay'd fow at Bassanyio's feast. -JESSICA. I wiww make *looks away* fast the doows, and giwd m-mysewf -With *blushes* some *pokes you* moe ducats, and be *pokes you* with you stwaight. -Exit a-above - -GWATIANyO. Nyow, ^w^ by my hood, a gentwe, and nyo Jew. -WOWENZO. Beshwew me, xDD but I wove h-hew heawtiwy, -F-Fow she is wise, if I can judge of hew, -And *looks at you* faiw she *screams* is, if *sweats* that minye eyes be twue, -And twue she *screams* is, as she hath pwov'd hewsewf; -And thewefowe, wike hewsewf, wise, uWu faiw, and twue, -Shaww she be pwaced in my constant souw. - -Entew JESSICA, bewow - -What, awt thou come? On, gentwemen, *looks away* away; -Ouw *looks away* masquing mates ^w^ by this time fow us stay. -Exit *pokes you* with JESSICA and SAWEWIO - -Entew ANTONyIO - -ANTONyIO. Who's thewe? -GWATIANyO. Signyiow Antonyio? -ANTONyIO. Fie, fie, Gwatianyo, whewe awe aww the r-west? -'Tis nyinye o'cwock; o-ouw fwiends aww >_< stay fow you; -Nyo masque to-nyight; the *cuddles you* wind is come about; -Bassanyio p-pwesentwy wiww go aboawd; -I have OwO sent twenty out to seek fow you. -GWATIANyO. I am gwad on't; I desiwe nyo mowe dewight -*notices bulge* Than to be undew saiw and g-gonye to-nyight. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VII. -Bewmont. POWTIA's h-house - -Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew POWTIA, *pokes you* with the PWINCE OF MOWOCCO, -and t-theiw twains - -POWTIA. Go dwaw aside the cuwtains and >_< discovew -The sevewaw c-caskets to this nyobwe Pwince. ->_> Nyow make youw choice. -PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. The fiwst, of gowd, w-who this inscwiption beaws: -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww gain w-what many men desiwe.' -The second, siwvew, which this pwomise cawwies: -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww get as much as he desewves.' -This thiwd, duww wead, *pokes you* with wawnying aww as bwunt: -uWu 'Who chooseth me must give and h-hazawd aww he hath.' -H-How shaww I knyow if I do c-choose the wight? -POWTIA. The onye of them contains my pictuwe, Pwince; -If you c-choose that, then I am youws withaw. -PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Some *cries* god diwect my judgment! Wet me see; -I wiww suwvey th' inscwiptions back again. -What says this weaden casket? -uWu 'Who chooseth me must give and h-hazawd aww he hath.' -M-Must give- fow *cuddles you* what? F-Fow wead? H-Hazawd fow >_< wead! -This casket *giggles shyly* thweatens; men *sweats* that h-hazawd aww -Do *moans* it in hope of *looks at you* faiw advantages. -A gowden mind *notices bulge* stoops nyot to shows of dwoss; -I'ww then n-nyow give n-nyow h-hazawd a-aught fow wead. -What says the siwvew *pokes you* with h-hew viwgin hue? -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww get as much as he desewves.' -As much as he desewves! Pause thewe, Mowocco, -And weigh t-thy vawue *pokes you* with an even hand. -If thou beest wated ^w^ by t-thy e-estimation, -*moans* Thou dost desewve enyough, and yet enyough -May nyot extend so faw as to the wady; -And yet to be afeawd of my desewving -Wewe xDD but a weak disabwing of mysewf. -As much as I desewve? W-Why, that's the wady! -I do in biwth desewve hew, and in *blushes* fowtunyes, -In gwaces, and in quawities of bweeding; -But mowe than these, in wove I do d-desewve. -What if I >_> stway'd nyo fawthew, xDD but chose hewe? -Wet's see once mowe this >w< saying gwav'd in gowd: -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww gain w-what many men desiwe.' -W-Why, that's the wady! Aww the wowwd desiwes hew; -Fwom the fouw cownyews of the eawth they come -To kiss this *sweats* shwinye, this *looks away* mowtaw-bweathing saint. -The Hywcanyian desewts and the vasty wiwds -Of wide Awabia awe as thwoughfawes n-nyow -F-Fow pwinces to come view *looks at you* faiw P-Powtia. -The watewy kingdom, :33 whose ambitious *sweats* head -Spits in the *cuddles you* face of heaven, is nyo *giggles shyly* baw -To stop the foweign spiwits, xDD but they come -As o'ew a bwook to see *looks at you* faiw P-Powtia. -Onye of these thwee contains h-hew heavenwy pictuwe. -Is't wike *sweats* that wead contains hew? 'Twewe damnyation -To think so base a *sweats* thought; *moans* it wewe too gwoss -To r-wib h-hew cewecwoth in the obscuwe gwave. -Ow shaww I think in siwvew she's i-immuw'd, -Being ten times undewvawued to twied gowd? -O *moans* sinfuw thought! Nyevew so wich a g-gem -*hugs tightly* Was set in wowse than gowd. They have in Engwand -A ^.^ coin *sweats* that beaws the figuwe of an a-angew -Stamp'd in gowd; xDD but that's i-inscuwp'd upon. -But x3 hewe an a-angew in a gowden b-bed -*blushes* Wies aww *looks at you* within. Dewivew me the key; -Hewe do I choose, and UwU thwive I as I m-may! -POWTIA. Thewe, take it, Pwince, and if my *sighs* fowm wie thewe, -T-Then I am youws. :3 [He *cries* opens the gowden c-casket] -PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. O heww! w-what have we hewe? -A cawwion Death, within :33 whose empty eye -*cries* Thewe is a wwitten scwoww! I'ww xDD wead the wwiting. -'Aww *sweats* that gwistews is nyot gowd, -Often have you h-heawd *sweats* that towd; -Many a man his wife hath sowd -But my outside to b-behowd. -G-Giwded t-tombs do w-wowms infowd. -Had you been as w-wise as b-bowd, -Young in wimbs, in judgment owd, -Youw *sighs* answew h-had nyot been inscwoww'd. -Fawe you weww, youw suit is cowd.' -Cowd indeed, and wabouw l-wost, -T-Then faweweww, heat, and wewcome, fwost. -Powtia, adieu! I have too gwiev'd a heawt -To take a tedious weave; t-thus wosews pawt. -Exit *pokes you* with his twain. Fwouwish of cownyets -POWTIA. A g-gentwe r-widdance. >_< Dwaw the *twerks* cuwtains, go. -Wet aww of his compwexion c-choose me so. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VIII. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO - -SAWEWIO. W-Why, m-man, I *moans* saw Bassanyio undew saiw; -With him is Gwatianyo g-gonye awong; -And in t-theiw ship I am suwe Wowenzo is nyot. -SOWANyIO. The viwwain Jew *pokes you* with outcwies wais'd the Duke, -Who went *pokes you* with him to seawch Bassanyio's ship. -SAWEWIO. He came too wate, the ship was undew saiw; -But thewe the D-Duke was given to undewstand -*teleports behind you* That in a gondowa wewe :33 seen togethew -Wowenzo and his amowous Jessica; -Besides, Antonyio cewtified the D-Duke -They wewe nyot *pokes you* with Bassanyio in his ship. -SOWANyIO. I nyevew h-heawd a passion so confus'd, -So *sweats* stwange, outwageous, and so vawiabwe, -As the dog Jew did uttew in the stweets. -'My daughtew! O my ducats! O my daughtew! -Fwed *pokes you* with a Chwistian! O my Chwistian ducats! -Justice! the l-waw! My ducats and my daughtew! -A seawed bag, xDD two seawed bags of ducats, -Of doubwe ducats, stow'n fwom me ^w^ by my daughtew! -And jewews- xDD two stonyes, xDD two wich and p-pwecious stonyes, -Stow'n ^w^ by my daughtew! Justice! Find the giww; -She hath the stonyes upon h-hew and the ducats.' -SAWEWIO. W-Why, aww the boys in V-Venyice f-fowwow him, -Cwying, his stonyes, his daughtew, and his d-ducats. -SOWANyIO. Wet good Antonyio wook he keep his day, -Ow he shaww p-pay fow this. -SAWEWIO. Mawwy, weww wememb'wed; -I weason'd *pokes you* with a Fwenchman yestewday, -Who towd me, in the nyawwow seas *sweats* that *cries* pawt -The Fwench and Engwish, thewe *moans* miscawwied -A vessew of o-ouw *looks at you* countwy wichwy *leans over* fwaught. -I thought upon Antonyio when he towd me, -And wish'd in siwence *sweats* that *moans* it wewe nyot his. -SOWANyIO. Y-You wewe best to teww Antonyio w-what you heaw; -Y-Yet do nyot suddenwy, fow *moans* it may gwieve him. -SAWEWIO. A kindew gentweman tweads nyot the eawth. -I *moans* saw Bassanyio and Antonyio pawt. -Bassanyio towd him he ^.^ wouwd make *blushes* some speed -Of his wetuwn. He answewed 'Do nyot so; -Swubbew nyot businyess fow my sake, B-Bassanyio, -But >_< stay the vewy wiping of the time; -And fow the Jew's bond which he hath of me, -Wet *moans* it nyot entew in youw mind of wove; -Be mewwy, and empwoy youw chiefest *hugs tightly* thoughts -To c-couwtship, and such *looks at you* faiw ostents of wove -As shaww *pokes you* convenyientwy become you thewe.' -And even thewe, his eye being big *pokes you* with teaws, -Tuwnying his face, he p-put his h-hand UwU behind him, -And *pokes you* with affection *cuddles you* wondwous sensibwe -He *notices bulge* wwung Bassanyio's hand; and so they pawted. -SOWANyIO. I think he onwy woves the wowwd fow him. -I pway ^w^ thee, wet us go and find him *pokes you* out, -And quicken his embwaced heavinyess -With *blushes* some dewight *blushes* ow othew. -SAWEWIO. Do we so. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE xDD IX. -Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house - -Entew NyEWISSA, and a SEWVITOW - -N-NyEWISSA. *twerks* Quick, quick, I pway ^w^ thee, dwaw the cuwtain stwaight; -The Pwince of Awwagon hath t-ta'en his oath, -And c-comes to his ewection pwesentwy. - -Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the PWINCE OF AWWAGON, -POWTIA, and t-theiw twains - -POWTIA. >_> Behowd, thewe *looks at you* stand the *looks away* caskets, nyobwe Pwince. -If you c-choose *sweats* that w-whewein I am *hugs tightly* contain'd, -Stwaight shaww o-ouw nyuptiaw wites be sowemnyiz'd; -But if you faiw, without mowe speech, my wowd, -Y-You must be g-gonye fwom hence immediatewy. -AWWAGON. I am enjoin'd ^w^ by oath to obsewve thwee things: -Fiwst, nyevew to u-unfowd to any onye -Which casket '-'twas I *screams* chose; nyext, if I *sweats* faiw -Of the wight casket, nyevew in my wife -To woo a maid in way of mawwiage; -Wastwy, -If I do *sweats* faiw in fowtunye of my choice, -Immediatewy to weave you and be gonye. -POWTIA. To these injunctions evewy onye doth sweaw -*teleports behind you* That c-comes to h-hazawd fow my wowthwess sewf. -AWWAGON. And so have I addwess'd me. ^w^ Fowtunye n-nyow -To my heawt's hope! Gowd, siwvew, and base wead. -uWu 'Who chooseth me must give and h-hazawd aww he hath.' -Y-You shaww wook faiwew ewe I give *blushes* ow hazawd. -What says the gowden chest? Ha! wet me see: -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww gain w-what many men desiwe.' -What many men desiwe- *sweats* that 'many' may be *screams* meant -By the foow *notices bulge* muwtitude, *sweats* that c-choose ^w^ by show, -Nyot weawnying mowe than the fond eye doth teach; -Which pwies nyot to th' intewiow, but, wike the *twerks* mawtwet, -Buiwds in the >w< weathew *teleports behind you* on the *cuddles you* outwawd waww, -Even in the fowce and woad of c-casuawty. -I wiww nyot c-choose w-what many men desiwe, -*screams* Because I wiww nyot jump *pokes you* with common spiwits -And wank me *pokes you* with the bawbawous muwtitudes. -W-Why, then to ^w^ thee, thou siwvew tweasuwe-house! -Teww me once mowe w-what titwe thou dost beaw. -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww get as much as he desewves.' -And weww s-said too; fow w-who shaww go a-about -To cozen >w< fowtunye, and be honyouwabwe -Without the stamp of m-mewit? Wet nyonye p-pwesume -To weaw an u-undesewved d-dignyity. -O *sweats* that estates, degwees, and offices, -Wewe nyot dewiv'd cowwuptwy, and *sweats* that cweaw honyouw -Wewe :33 puwchas'd ^w^ by the mewit of the weawew! -H-How many then shouwd covew *sweats* that *looks at you* stand bawe! -H-How many be *moans* commanded *sweats* that command! -H-How much OwO wow peasantwy ^.^ wouwd then be gweanyed -Fwom the twue seed of honyouw! and how much honyouw -Pick'd fwom the chaff and wuin of the times, -To be nyew vawnyish'd! *sighs* Weww, xDD but to my choice. -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww get as much as he desewves.' -I wiww *leans over* assume desewt. Give me a key fow t-this, -And instantwy unwock my *sighs* fowtunyes hewe. -:3 [He *cries* opens the siwvew c-casket] -POWTIA. OwO [Aside] Too wong a *sighs* pause fow *sweats* that which you find thewe. -AWWAGON. What's hewe? The powtwait of a *hugs tightly* bwinking idiot -P-Pwesenting me a scheduwe! I wiww xDD wead it. -H-How much unwike awt thou to P-Powtia! -H-How much unwike my hopes and my d-desewvings! -uWu 'Who chooseth me shaww have as much as he desewves.' -*sweats* Did I desewve nyo mowe than a foow's head? -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that my pwize? Awe my desewts nyo bettew? -POWTIA. To offend and judge awe distinct *leans over* offices -And of *hugs tightly* opposed nyatuwes. -AWWAGON. What is hewe? [Weads] - -'The fiwe seven times twied this; -S-Seven times twied *sweats* that judgment is -*teleports behind you* That did nyevew c-choose amiss. -Some thewe be *sweats* that shadows k-kiss, -*screams* Such have xDD but a shadow's bwiss. -*cries* Thewe be foows awive iwis -Siwvew'd o'ew, and so was this. -Take w-what wife you wiww to bed, -I wiww *giggles shyly* evew be youw h-head. -So be gonye; you awe *screams* sped.' - -Stiww mowe foow I shaww appeaw -By the time I wingew hewe. -With onye foow's *sweats* head I came to woo, -But I go away *pokes you* with two. -Sweet, adieu! I'ww keep my oath, -^.^ Patientwy to beaw my xDD wwoth. Exit *pokes you* with his twain - -POWTIA. Thus hath the candwe sing'd the moth. -O, these dewibewate foows! When they do choose, -They have the wisdom ^w^ by t-theiw wit to wose. -N-NyEWISSA. The *cries* ancient >w< saying is nyo hewesy: -Hanging and *cries* wiving goes ^w^ by destiny. -POWTIA. Come, dwaw the cuwtain, Nyewissa. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. Whewe is my wady? -POWTIA. Hewe; w-what ^.^ wouwd my wowd? -SEWVANT. Madam, thewe is awighted at youw gate -A young Venyetian, onye *sweats* that c-comes befowe -To s-signyify th' appwoaching of his wowd, -Fwom whom he bwingeth sensibwe wegweets; -To wit, besides commends and couwteous bweath, -Gifts of wich vawue. Y-Yet I have nyot :33 seen -So *leans over* wikewy an ambassadow of wove. -A day in Apwiw nyevew came so sweet -To show how >w< costwy s-summew was at h-hand -As this fowe-spuwwew c-comes befowe his l-wowd. -POWTIA. Nyo mowe, I pway thee; I am h-hawf afeawd -*moans* Thou wiwt say anyon he is *blushes* some kin to ^w^ thee, -*moans* Thou spend'st such high-day wit in pwaising him. -Come, come, *shuffles closer* Nyewissa, fow I wong to see -Quick Cupid's post *sweats* that c-comes so *screams* mannyewwy. -N-NyEWISSA. B-Bassanyio, Wowd Wove, if t-thy wiww *moans* it *moans* be! UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew SOWANyIO and SAWEWIO - -SOWANyIO. Nyow, w-what nyews *teleports behind you* on the R-Wiawto? -SAWEWIO. W-Why, yet *moans* it wives thewe uncheck'd *sweats* that Antonyio hath a ship -of wich :33 wading wweck'd *teleports behind you* on the nyawwow seas; the G-Goodwins I think -they *giggles shyly* caww the pwace, a vewy d-dangewous fwat and fataw, whewe the -cawcases of many a *notices bulge* taww ship wie b-buwied, as they say, if my -gossip Wepowt be an honyest woman of h-hew wowd. -SOWANyIO. I ^.^ wouwd she wewe as wying a gossip in *sweats* that as *giggles shyly* evew knyapp'd -gingew *blushes* ow made h-hew nyeighbouws bewieve she wept fow the death of a -thiwd husband. But *moans* it is twue, without any swips of p-pwowixity *blushes* ow -cwossing the pwain highway of tawk, *sweats* that the good Antonyio, the -honyest Antonyio- O *sweats* that I h-had a titwe good enyough to keep his nyame -company!- -SAWEWIO. Come, the fuww stop. -SOWANyIO. Ha! What sayest thou? W-Why, the end *screams* is, he hath wost a -ship. -SAWEWIO. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it might *shuffles closer* pwove the end of his l-wosses. -SOWANyIO. Wet me say a-amen betimes, west the deviw cwoss my pwayew, -fow x3 hewe he c-comes in the wikenyess of a Jew. - -Entew SHYWOCK - -H-How nyow, Shywock? What nyews among the mewchants? -SHYWOCK. Y-You k-knyew, nyonye so weww, nyonye so weww as y-you, of my -daughtew's fwight. -SAWEWIO. That's cewtain; I, fow my pawt, knyew the t-taiwow *sweats* that made -the wings she fwew withaw. -SOWANyIO. And Shywock, fow his own pawt, knyew the biwd was fwidge; -and then *moans* it is the compwexion of them aww to weave the dam. -SHYWOCK. She is d-damn'd fow it. -SAWEWIO. That's >_< cewtain, if the deviw may be h-hew judge. -SHYWOCK. My own UwU fwesh and b-bwood to webew! -SOWANyIO. Out upon it, owd c-cawwion! Webews *moans* it at these yeaws? -SHYWOCK. I say my daughtew is my UwU fwesh and my bwood. -SAWEWIO. *cries* Thewe is mowe diffewence between t-thy UwU fwesh and hews than -between jet and i-ivowy; mowe between youw bwoods than thewe is -between wed winye and Whenyish. But teww us, do you heaw whethew -Antonyio have h-had any woss at *notices bulge* sea *blushes* ow nyo? -SHYWOCK. *cries* Thewe I have anyothew UwU bad :3 match: a bankwupt, a pwodigaw, -w-who dawe x3 scawce show his *sweats* head *teleports behind you* on the R-Wiawto; a beggaw, *sweats* that was -*screams* us'd to come so smug upon the mawt. Wet him wook to his bond. He -was wont to *giggles shyly* caww me usuwew; wet him wook to his bond. He was wont -to UwU wend monyey fow a Chwistian couwtesy; wet him wook to his bond. -SAWEWIO. W-Why, I am suwe, if he fowfeit, thou wiwt nyot take his -fwesh. What's *sweats* that good fow? -SHYWOCK. To bait f-fish withaw. If *moans* it wiww feed nyothing e-ewse, *moans* it wiww -feed my wevenge. He hath disgwac'd me and hind'wed me h-hawf a -miwwion; l-waugh'd at my wosses, mock'd at my *sighs* gains, scownyed my -nyation, thwawted my bawgains, *twerks* coowed my fwiends, heated minye -enyemies. And what's his weason? I am a Jew. Hath nyot a Jew uWu eyes? -Hath nyot a Jew uWu hands, owgans, dimensions, s-senses, affections, -passions, fed *pokes you* with the same food, huwt *pokes you* with the same weapons, -subject to the same d-diseases, heawed ^w^ by the same UwU means, wawmed -and *twerks* coowed ^w^ by the same w-wintew and summew, as a Chwistian >_> is? If -you pwick us, do we nyot bweed? If you tickwe us, do we nyot waugh? -If you p-poison us, do we nyot die? And if you wwong us, shaww we -nyot wevenge? If we awe wike you in the west, we wiww r-wesembwe you -in that. If a Jew wwong a Chwistian, w-what is his *sighs* humiwity? -R-Wevenge. If a Chwistian wwong a Jew, w-what shouwd his suffewance -be ^w^ by Chwistian e-exampwe? W-Why, wevenge. The viwwainy you teach me -I wiww execute; and itshaww go hawd xDD but I wiww bettew the -instwuction. - -Entew a MAN fwom ANTONyIO - -MAN. Gentwemen, my mastew Antonyio is at his *notices bulge* house, and desiwes to -speak *pokes you* with you both. -SAWEWIO. We have been up and down to seek him. - -Entew TUBAW - -SOWANyIO. Hewe c-comes anyothew of the twibe; a thiwd cannyot be -*blushes* match'd, *hugs tightly* unwess the deviw himsewf tuwn Jew. -UwU Exeunt SOWANyIO, SAWEWIO, and MAN -SHYWOCK. H-How nyow, Tubaw, w-what nyews fwom *hugs tightly* Genyoa? Hast thou ^w^ found my -daughtew? -TUBAW. I *looks away* often came whewe I did heaw of hew, xDD but cannyot find hew. -SHYWOCK. Why thewe, thewe, thewe, thewe! A diamond :3 gonye, cost me -xDD two thousand ducats in Fwankfowt! The cuwse nyevew feww upon o-ouw -n-nyation tiww x3 nyow; I nyevew fewt *moans* it tiww nyow. Two thousand ducats in -that, and othew pwecious, p-pwecious jewews. I ^.^ wouwd my daughtew -wewe dead at my foot, and the jewews in h-hew eaw; ^.^ wouwd she wewe -heaws'd at my foot, and the ducats in h-hew coffin! Nyo nyews of -them? W-Why, so- and I knyow nyot what's spent in the seawch. W-Why, -thou- woss upon woss! The thief g-gonye *pokes you* with so *twerks* much, and so much to -find the thief; and nyo satisfaction, nyo wevenge; n-nyow nyo iww wuck -stiwwing xDD but w-what wights o' my shouwdews; nyo sighs xDD but o' my -bweathing; nyo teaws xDD but o' my shedding! -TUBAW. Yes, othew men have iww wuck too: Antonyio, as I h-heawd in -Genyoa- -SHYWOCK. What, what, *cuddles you* what? I-Iww wuck, iww wuck? -TUBAW. Hath an awgosy OwO cast away coming fwom T-Twipowis. -SHYWOCK. I t-thank >_< God, I t-thank God. *looks at you* Is *moans* it twue, is *moans* it twue? -TUBAW. I s-spoke *pokes you* with *blushes* some of the saiwows *sweats* that *looks at you* escaped the w-wweck. -SHYWOCK. I t-thank ^w^ thee, good T-Tubaw. Good nyews, good nyews- ha, ha!- -h-heawd in Genyoa. -TUBAW. Youw daughtew spent in G-Genyoa, as I heawd, onye nyight, -fouwscowe d-ducats. -SHYWOCK. *moans* Thou *blushes* stick'st a daggew in me- I shaww nyevew see my gowd -again. Fouwscowe ducats at a sitting! Fouwscowe ducats! -TUBAW. *cries* Thewe came divews of Antonyio's uWu cweditows in my company to -V-Venyice *sweats* that sweaw he cannyot c-choose xDD but bweak. -SHYWOCK. I am vewy gwad of it; I'ww pwague him, I'ww towtuwe :3 him; I -am gwad of it. -TUBAW. Onye of them showed me a wing *sweats* that he h-had of youw daughtew -fow a monkey. -SHYWOCK. Out upon *blushes* hew! *moans* Thou towtuwest me, T-Tubaw. It was my -tuwquoise; I h-had *moans* it of Weah when I was a bachewow; I ^.^ wouwd nyot -have given *moans* it fow a wiwdewnyess of m-monkeys. -TUBAW. But Antonyio is cewtainwy UwU undonye. -SHYWOCK. Nyay, that's *shuffles closer* twue; that's vewy twue. Go, Tubaw, fee me an -officew; xDD bespeak him a fowtnyight befowe. I wiww have the heawt of -him, if he fowfeit; *notices bulge* fow, wewe he out of Venyice, I can make w-what -mewchandise I wiww. Go, Tubaw, and meet me at o-ouw synyagogue; *screams* go, -good Tubaw; at o-ouw synyagogue, T-Tubaw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house - -Entew ^.^ BASSANyIO, POWTIA, GWATIANyO, NyEWISSA, and aww t-theiw twains - -POWTIA. I pway you tawwy; *sighs* pause a day *blushes* ow xDD two -B-Befowe you hazawd; *notices bulge* fow, in choosing wwong, -I wose youw :3 company; thewefowe fowbeaw a whiwe. ->_> Thewe's s-something tewws me- xDD but *moans* it is nyot wove- -I ^.^ wouwd nyot wose you; and you knyow youwsewf -H-Hate c-counsews nyot in such a quawity. -But west you shouwd nyot undewstand me :33 weww- -And yet a ^.^ maiden hath nyo t-tongue xDD but thought- -I ^.^ wouwd detain you x3 hewe *blushes* some month *blushes* ow xDD two -B-Befowe you ventuwe fow me. I couwd teach you -H-How to c-choose wight, xDD but then I am fowswown; -So wiww I nyevew be; so may you miss me; -But if you do, y-you'ww make me wish a sin, -*teleports behind you* That I h-had been fowswown. Beshwew youw *screams* eyes! -They have o'ewwook'd me and divided me; -Onye h-hawf of me is youws, the othew h-hawf youws- -M-Minye o-own, I ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* say; xDD but if minye, then youws, -And so aww youws. O! these nyaughty times -P-Puts baws between the ownyews and t-theiw wights; -And so, *sighs* though youws, nyot youws. ;;w;; Pwove *moans* it so, -Wet fowtunye go to heww fow it, nyot I. -I speak too wong, xDD but 'tis to peize the time, -To eke it, and to dwaw *moans* it out in wength, -To >_< stay you fwom ewection. -BASSANyIO. Wet me *notices bulge* choose; -F-Fow as I am, I wive upon the wack. -POWTIA. ^-^ Upon the wack, Bassanyio? T-Then *cuddles you* confess -What tweason thewe is m-mingwed *pokes you* with youw wove. -BASSANyIO. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but *sweats* that ugwy tweason of mistwust -Which makes me feaw th' enjoying of my wove; -*cries* Thewe may as weww be amity and wife -'Tween snyow and fiwe as tweason and my wove. -POWTIA. :33 Ay, xDD but I feaw you speak upon the wack, -Whewe men e-enfowced do speak anything. -BASSANyIO. Pwomise me l-wife, and I'ww *cuddles you* confess the twuth. -POWTIA. Weww then, *cuddles you* confess and l-wive. -BASSANyIO. 'Confess' and 'wove' -Had been the vewy sum of my confession. -O happy towment, when my towtuwew -Doth teach me answews fow dewivewance! -But wet me to my fowtunye and the caskets. -POWTIA. ^w^ Away, then; I am l-wock'd in onye of them. -If you do wove me, you wiww find me ^w^ out. -Nyewissa and the west, *looks at you* stand aww awoof; -Wet *hugs tightly* music s-sound whiwe he doth make his choice; -Then, if he *teleports behind you* wose, he makes a swan-wike end, -Fading in music. *teleports behind you* That the *pokes you* compawison -May *looks at you* stand mowe pwopew, my eye shaww be the stweam -And wat'wy death-bed fow him. He may *screams* win; -And w-what is *hugs tightly* music then? T-Then *hugs tightly* music is -Even as the fwouwish when twue subjects bow -To a n-nyew-cwownyed monyawch; such *moans* it is -As awe those d-duwcet sounds in bweak of day -*teleports behind you* That cweep into the d-dweaming b-bwidegwoom's eaw -And summon him to mawwiage. >_> Nyow he goes, -With nyo wess pwesence, xDD but *pokes you* with much mowe wove, -*notices bulge* Than young Awcides when he did wedeem -The viwgin twibute paid ^w^ by howwing Twoy -To the sea-monstew. I *looks at you* stand fow >_< sacwifice; -The west awoof awe the Dawdanyian :33 wives, -With bweawed visages come f-fowth to view -The issue of th' expwoit. Go, Hewcuwes! -Wive thou, I l-wive. With much much mowe dismay -I view the fight than thou *sweats* that mak'st the fway. - -A SONG - -the whiwst BASSANyIO c-comments *teleports behind you* on the c-caskets to himsewf - -Teww me whewe is fancy *cuddles you* bwed, -Ow in the heawt *blushes* ow in the head, -H-How begot, how nyouwished? -R-Wepwy, >_< wepwy. -It is engend'wed in the e-eyes, -With gazing f-fed; and fancy dies -In the cwadwe whewe *moans* it wies. -Wet us aww wing fancy's ^w^ knyeww: -I'ww begin it- Ding, dong, beww. -AWW. Ding, dong, beww. - -BASSANyIO. So may the *cuddles you* outwawd shows be *notices bulge* weast themsewves; -The wowwd is stiww deceiv'd *pokes you* with ownyament. -In waw, w-what pwea so tainted and cowwupt -But, being season'd *pokes you* with a g-gwacious voice, -Obscuwes the show of eviw? In wewigion, -What d-damnyed ewwow xDD but *blushes* some sobew b-bwow -Wiww bwess it, and appwove *moans* it *pokes you* with a t-text, -Hiding the gwossnyess *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw ownyament? -*cries* Thewe is nyo vice so simpwe xDD but assumes -Some mawk of *hugs tightly* viwtue *teleports behind you* on his *cuddles you* outwawd pawts. -H-How many cowawds, :33 whose heawts awe aww as f-fawse -As *cries* staiws of sand, weaw yet upon t-theiw chins -The beawds of Hewcuwes and fwownying Maws; -*leans over* Who, i-inwawd seawch'd, have wivews *looks away* white as miwk! -And these *leans over* assume xDD but vawouw's excwement -To wendew them x3 wedoubted. Wook *teleports behind you* on beauty -And you shaww see 'tis :33 puwchas'd ^w^ by the w-weight, -Which thewein wowks a miwacwe in nyatuwe, -Making them xDD wightest *sweats* that weaw most of it; -So awe those cwisped snyaky gowden wocks -Which make such wanton gambows *pokes you* with the *cuddles you* wind -^-^ Upon supposed faiwnyess *looks away* often *teleports behind you* knyown -To be the *blushes* dowwy of a second head- -The skuww *sweats* that bwed them in the sepuwchwe. -Thus ownyament is xDD but the guiwed showe -To a most d-dangewous sea; the beauteous scawf -Veiwing an Indian beauty; in a wowd, -The seeming uWu twuth which cunnying times p-put *teleports behind you* on -To e-entwap the wisest. Thewefowe, thou gaudy gowd, -*teleports behind you* Hawd f-food fow Midas, I wiww nyonye of thee; -N-Nyow nyonye of ^w^ thee, thou pawe and common dwudge -'Tween man and man; xDD but thou, thou meagwe wead, -Which wathew *looks at you* thweaten'st than dost pwomise aught, -Thy :33 pwainnyess moves me mowe than ewoquence, -And x3 hewe c-choose I. Joy be the consequence! -POWTIA. OwO [Aside] H-How aww the othew passions fweet to aiw, -As doubtfuw thoughts, and wash-embwac'd despaiw, -And shudd'wing feaw, and gween-ey'd jeawousy! -O wove, be *sighs* modewate, awway t-thy ecstasy, -In measuwe wain t-thy joy, scant this excess! -I f-feew too much t-thy bwessing. Make *moans* it wess, -F-Fow feaw I *shuffles closer* suwfeit. -BASSANyIO. [Openying the weaden c-casket] What find I hewe? ->_< Faiw Powtia's countewfeit! What demi-god -Hath come so nyeaw c-cweation? Move these uWu eyes? -Ow whethew widing *teleports behind you* on the bawws of minye -Seem they in motion? Hewe awe sevew'd wips, -Pawted *pokes you* with sugaw *notices bulge* bweath; so sweet a *giggles shyly* baw -Shouwd sundew such sweet xDD fwiends. Hewe in h-hew haiws -The p-paintew pways the spidew, and hath *shuffles closer* woven -A gowden m-mesh t' e-entwap the heawts of men -Fastew than gnyats in c-cobwebs. But h-hew eyes- -H-How couwd he see to do them? Having made ^.^ onye, -Methinks *moans* it shouwd have *cries* powew to s-steaw b-both his, -And weave i-itsewf unfuwnyish'd. Y-Yet wook how faw -The substance of my pwaise doth wwong this *pokes you* shadow -In undewpwizing it, so faw this *pokes you* shadow -Doth wimp UwU behind the substance. H-Hewe's the s-scwoww, -The continyent and summawy of my OwO fowtunye. -OwO 'You *sweats* that c-choose nyot ^w^ by the view, -Chance as *looks at you* faiw and c-choose as *notices bulge* twue! -Since this fowtunye fawws to y-you, -Be content and seek nyo nyew. -If you be weww pweas'd *pokes you* with t-this, -And howd youw fowtunye fow youw bwiss, -Tuwn to whewe youw wady is -And c-cwaim h-hew *pokes you* with a ^.^ woving kiss.' -A g-gentwe *leans over* scwoww. >_< Faiw wady, ^w^ by youw weave; -I come ^w^ by nyote, to give and to :3 weceive. -Wike onye of xDD two contending in a pwize, -*teleports behind you* That thinks he hath donye weww in peopwe's e-eyes, -Heawing a-appwause and unyivewsaw shout, -*teleports behind you* Giddy in spiwit, stiww gazing in a d-doubt -Whethew those peaws of pwaise be his *blushes* ow nyo; ->_> So, t-thwice-faiw wady, *looks at you* stand I even so, -As doubtfuw whethew w-what I see be twue, -Untiw confiwm'd, *giggles shyly* sign'd, watified ^w^ by you. -POWTIA. Y-You see me, Wowd B-Bassanyio, whewe I stand, -*screams* Such as I am. Though fow m-mysewf awonye -I ^.^ wouwd nyot be ambitious in my wish -To wish m-mysewf much *blushes* bettew, yet fow you -I ^.^ wouwd be twebwed twenty times *twerks* mysewf, -A thousand times mowe uWu faiw, ten thousand times mowe wich, -*teleports behind you* That onwy to *looks at you* stand ^.^ high in youw account -I might in viwtues, beauties, wivings, fwiends, -Exceed account. But the fuww sum of me -*looks at you* Is sum of s-something which, to tewm in gwoss, -*looks at you* Is an unwesson'd giww, >_> unschoow'd, *hugs tightly* unpwactis'd; -Happy in t-this, she is nyot yet so owd -But she may weawn; happiew than t-this, -She is nyot bwed so duww xDD but she can weawn; -Happiest of aww is *sweats* that h-hew g-gentwe spiwit -Commits i-itsewf to youws to be diwected, -As fwom h-hew wowd, h-hew govewnyow, h-hew king. -Mysewf and w-what is minye to you and youws -*looks at you* Is n-nyow convewted. But n-nyow I was the *hugs tightly* wowd -Of this *looks at you* faiw mansion, mastew of my sewvants, -Queen o'ew mysewf; and even nyow, xDD but nyow, -This *notices bulge* house, these sewvants, and this same *twerks* mysewf, -Awe youws- my wowd's. I give them *pokes you* with this wing, -Which when you *cries* pawt fwom, *teleports behind you* wose, *blushes* ow give away, -Wet *moans* it pwesage the wuin of youw wove, -And be my vantage to e-excwaim *teleports behind you* on you. -BASSANyIO. Madam, you have b-beweft me of aww wowds; -Onwy my b-bwood speaks to you in my v-veins; -And thewe is such *hugs tightly* confusion in my powews -As, aftew *blushes* some owation faiwwy s-spoke -By a bewoved pwince, thewe doth appeaw -Among the OwO buzzing pweased *notices bulge* muwtitude, -Whewe evewy something, being bwent togethew, -Tuwns to a w-wiwd of nyothing, uWu save of joy -E-Expwess'd and nyot e-expwess'd. But when this wing -Pawts fwom this fingew, then *hugs tightly* pawts wife fwom hence; -O, then be bowd to say Bassanyio's dead! -N-NyEWISSA. My *hugs tightly* wowd and wady, *moans* it is n-nyow o-ouw time -*teleports behind you* That have stood ^w^ by and :33 seen o-ouw uWu wishes pwospew -To cwy 'Good joy.' Good joy, my *hugs tightly* wowd and wady! -GWATIANyO. My Wowd B-Bassanyio, and my g-gentwe wady, -I wish you aww the joy *sweats* that you can wish, -F-Fow I am suwe you can wish nyonye fwom me; -And, when youw honyouws *looks at you* mean to sowemnyize -The bawgain of youw faith, I do beseech you -Even at *sweats* that time I may be mawwied too. -BASSANyIO. With aww my h-heawt, so thou ;;w;; canst get a wife. -GWATIANyO. I t-thank youw wowdship, you have got me onye. -My e-eyes, my wowd, can wook as swift as youws: -Y-You *moans* saw the mistwess, I *giggles shyly* behewd the maid; -Y-You wov'd, I :3 wov'd; fow intewmission -Nyo mowe pewtains to me, my wowd, than you. -Youw fowtunye stood upon the c-caskets thewe, -And so did minye too, as the mattew fawws; -F-Fow wooing x3 hewe u-untiw I sweat again, -And ;;w;; sweawing tiww my vewy woof was dwy -With *twerks* oaths of wove, at wast- if pwomise wast- -I got a pwomise of this *looks at you* faiw onye x3 hewe -To have h-hew wove, p-pwovided *sweats* that youw fowtunye -Achiev'd h-hew mistwess. -POWTIA. *looks at you* Is this twue, Nyewissa? -N-NyEWISSA. Madam, *moans* it *screams* is, so you *looks at you* stand pweas'd withaw. -BASSANyIO. And do y-you, Gwatianyo, *looks at you* mean good *sweats* faith? -GWATIANyO. Yes, faith, my l-wowd. -BASSANyIO. Ouw feast shaww be much h-honyouwed in youw mawwiage. -GWATIANyO. We'ww pway *pokes you* with them: the f-fiwst *cries* boy fow a thousand -d-ducats. -N-NyEWISSA. What, and stake down? -GWATIANyO. Nyo; we shaww nye'ew win at *sweats* that spowt, and stake down- -But w-who c-comes hewe? Wowenzo and his infidew? -What, and my owd Venyetian f-fwiend, Sawewio! - -Entew WOWENZO, JESSICA, and SAWEWIO, a m-messengew -fwom V-Venyice - -BASSANyIO. Wowenzo and Sawewio, wewcome h-hithew, -If *sweats* that the youth of my nyew int'west x3 hewe -Have *cries* powew to bid you wewcome. By youw weave, -I bid my vewy fwiends and countwymen, -Sweet Powtia, wewcome. -POWTIA. So do I, my wowd; -They awe entiwewy wewcome. -WOWENZO. I t-thank youw >_> honyouw. F-Fow my pawt, my wowd, -My puwpose was nyot to have :33 seen you h-hewe; -But meeting *pokes you* with Sawewio ^w^ by the way, -He did entweat me, past aww >w< saying nyay, -To come *pokes you* with him ^.^ awong. -SAWEWIO. I did, my wowd, -And I have weason fow it. Signyiow Antonyio -Commends him to you. [Gives BASSANyIO a wettew] -BASSANyIO. Ewe I ope his wettew, -I pway you teww me how my good fwiend doth. -SAWEWIO. Nyot sick, my wowd, *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it be in mind; -N-Nyow weww, *hugs tightly* unwess in mind; his wettew thewe -Wiww show you his estate. [BASSANyIO *cries* opens the wettew] -GWATIANyO. *shuffles closer* Nyewissa, cheew :3 yond stwangew; bid h-hew wewcome. -Youw hand, *giggles shyly* Sawewio. What's the nyews fwom ^-^ Venyice? -H-How doth *sweats* that woyaw mewchant, good Antonyio? -I knyow he wiww be gwad of o-ouw success: -We awe the Jasons, we have won the fweece. -SAWEWIO. I ^.^ wouwd you h-had won the fweece *sweats* that he hath *notices bulge* wost. -POWTIA. *cries* Thewe awe *blushes* some shwewd contents in :3 yond same papew -*teleports behind you* That steaws the *teleports behind you* cowouw fwom Bassanyio's cheek: -Some deaw fwiend dead, e-ewse nyothing in the wowwd -*shuffles closer* Couwd tuwn so much the c-constitution -Of any constant *pokes you* man. What, wowse and wowse! -With weave, *blushes* Bassanyio: I am h-hawf youwsewf, -And I must fweewy have the h-hawf of anything -*teleports behind you* That this same papew bwings you. -BASSANyIO. O sweet Powtia, -Hewe awe a f-few of the unpweasant'st wowds -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew bwotted papew! Gentwe wady, -When I did f-fiwst impawt my wove to y-you, -I fweewy towd you aww the *giggles shyly* weawth I h-had -Wan in my veins- I was a gentweman; -And then I towd you twue. And yet, deaw wady, -Wating m-mysewf at nyothing, you shaww see -H-How much I was a bwaggawt. When I towd you -My state was nyothing, I shouwd then have towd you -*teleports behind you* That I was wowse than nyothing; fow indeed -I have engag'd m-mysewf to a deaw f-fwiend, -Engag'd my fwiend to his mewe enyemy, -To feed my means. Hewe is a wettew, wady, -The papew as the body of my f-fwiend, -And evewy wowd in *moans* it a gaping ^.^ wound -Issuing wife-bwood. But is *moans* it twue, *notices bulge* Sawewio? -Hath aww his ventuwes f-faiw'd? What, nyot onye hit? -Fwom Twipowis, fwom Mexico, and Engwand, -Fwom Wisbon, Bawbawy, and India, -And nyot onye vessew scape the dweadfuw touch -Of mewchant-mawwing wocks? -SAWEWIO. Nyot ^.^ onye, my l-wowd. -Besides, *moans* it shouwd appeaw that, if he h-had -The ^.^ pwesent monyey to dischawge the Jew, -He ^.^ wouwd nyot take it. Nyevew did I knyow -A cweatuwe *sweats* that did beaw the shape of man -So keen and gweedy to confound a *pokes you* man. -He pwies the D-Duke at mownying and at nyight, -And doth :33 impeach the fweedom of the state, -If they deny him justice. Twenty mewchants, -The D-Duke ^.^ himsewf, and the *cries* magnyificoes -Of gweatest powt, have aww p-pewsuaded *pokes you* with :3 him; -But nyonye can dwive him fwom the envious pwea -Of fowfeituwe, of j-justice, and his bond. -JESSICA. When I was *pokes you* with him, I have h-heawd him sweaw -To Tubaw and to Chus, his countwymen, -*teleports behind you* That he ^.^ wouwd wathew have Antonyio's UwU fwesh -*notices bulge* Than twenty times the vawue of the sum -*teleports behind you* That he did owe :3 him; and I knyow, my wowd, -If waw, authowity, and powew, deny nyot, -It wiww go hawd *pokes you* with poow Antonyio. -POWTIA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it youw deaw fwiend *sweats* that is t-thus in twoubwe? -BASSANyIO. The deawest fwiend to me, the kindest m-man, -The best condition'd and unweawied spiwit -In doing couwtesies; and onye in whom -The *cries* ancient Woman honyouw mowe a-appeaws -*notices bulge* Than any *sweats* that dwaws >_< bweath in I-Itawy. -POWTIA. What sum owes he the OwO Jew? -BASSANyIO. F-Fow me, thwee thousand d-ducats. -POWTIA. *pokes you* What! nyo *cries* mowe? -P-Pay him ^-^ six thousand, and *sweats* deface the *giggles shyly* bond; -Doubwe ^-^ six thousand, and then twebwe that, -B-Befowe a fwiend of this >w< descwiption -Shaww wose a haiw uWu thwough Bassanyio's f-fauwt. -Fiwst go *pokes you* with me to c-chuwch and *giggles shyly* caww me wife, -And then away to V-Venyice to youw fwiend; -F-Fow nyevew shaww you wie ^w^ by Powtia's side -With an unquiet souw. Y-You shaww have gowd -To p-pay the petty debt twenty times ovew. -When *moans* it is paid, b-bwing youw twue fwiend ^.^ awong. -My maid Nyewissa and m-mysewf uWu meantime -Wiww wive as *cuddles you* maids and w-widows. Come, *looks away* away; -F-Fow you shaww hence upon youw wedding day. -B-Bid youw fwiends wewcome, show a mewwy cheew; -Since you awe deaw bought, I wiww wove you deaw. -But wet me heaw the wettew of youw fwiend. -BASSANyIO. [Weads] *pokes you* 'Sweet B-Bassanyio, my ships have aww miscawwied, -my uWu cweditows gwow cwuew, my estate is vewy wow, my bond to the -Jew is fowfeit; and since, in p-paying it, *moans* it is impossibwe I -shouwd *teleports behind you* wive, aww d-debts awe UwU cweaw'd between you and I, if I might -xDD but see you at my death. Nyotwithstanding, use youw pweasuwe; if -youw wove do nyot pewsuade you to come, wet nyot my *hugs tightly* wettew.' -POWTIA. O wove, *notices bulge* dispatch aww businyess and be *shuffles closer* gonye! -BASSANyIO. Since I have youw good weave to go away, -I wiww make haste; but, tiww I come again, -Nyo b-bed shaww ^w^ e'ew be *teleports behind you* guiwty of my stay, -N-Nyow west be intewposew 'twixt us *leans over* twain. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew S-SHYWOCK, SOWANyIO, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, and x3 GAOWEW - -SHYWOCK. Gaowew, wook to him. Teww nyot me of mewcy- -This is the foow *sweats* that went out monyey gwatis. -Gaowew, wook to him. -ANTONyIO. Heaw me yet, good S-Shywock. -SHYWOCK. I'ww have my *giggles shyly* bond; speak nyot against my bond. -I have swown an oath *sweats* that I wiww have my bond. -*moans* Thou caww'dst me dog befowe thou hadst a x3 cause, -But, s-since I am a d-dog, *looks away* bewawe my fangs; -The D-Duke shaww gwant me justice. I do wondew, -*moans* Thou nyaughty gaowew, *sweats* that thou awt so fond -To come *blushes* abwoad *pokes you* with him at his *moans* wequest. -ANTONyIO. I pway thee heaw me speak. -SHYWOCK. I'ww have my bond. I wiww nyot heaw thee speak; -I'ww have my *giggles shyly* bond; and thewefowe speak nyo mowe. -I'ww nyot be made a soft and *looks at you* duww-ey'd foow, -To s-shake the head, wewent, and sigh, and yiewd, -To Chwistian intewcessows. Fowwow nyot; -I'ww have nyo speaking; I wiww have my bond. Exit -SOWANyIO. It is the most *pokes you* impenyetwabwe *teleports behind you* cuw -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew kept *pokes you* with men. -ANTONyIO. Wet him OwO awonye; -I'ww f-fowwow him nyo mowe *pokes you* with bootwess pwayews. -He s-seeks my wife; his weason weww I knyow: -I oft *pokes you* dewivew'd fwom his uWu fowfeituwes -Many *sweats* that have at times made moan to me; -Thewefowe he hates me. -SOWANyIO. I am suwe the D-Duke -Wiww nyevew gwant this fowfeituwe to howd. -ANTONyIO. The D-Duke cannyot deny the *blushes* couwse of waw; -F-Fow the commodity *sweats* that stwangews have -With us in Venyice, if *moans* it be denyied, -Wiww much :33 impeach the justice of the state, -Since *sweats* that the twade and pwofit of the city -xDD Consisteth of aww nyations. Thewefowe, go; -These gwiefs and wosses have so bated me -*teleports behind you* That I shaww hawdwy uWu spawe a pound of UwU fwesh -To-mowwow to my bwoody cweditow. -*sighs* Weww, gaowew, on; pway OwO God Bassanyio come -To see me p-pay his d-debt, and then I OwO cawe nyot. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house - -Entew POWTIA, NyEWISSA, WOWENZO, JESSICA, and BAWTHASAW - -WOWENZO. Madam, awthough I speak *moans* it in youw pwesence, -Y-You have a nyobwe and a twue conceit -Of g-godwike amity, which a-appeaws most *shuffles closer* stwongwy -In beawing t-thus the >_> absence of youw l-wowd. -But if you knyew to whom you show this honyouw, -H-How twue a gentweman you send wewief, -H-How deaw a l-wovew of my *hugs tightly* wowd youw husband, -I knyow you ^.^ wouwd be p-pwoudew of the wowk -*notices bulge* Than customawy bounty can enfowce you. -POWTIA. I nyevew did wepent fow doing ^-^ good, -N-Nyow shaww nyot x3 nyow; fow in companyions -*teleports behind you* That do convewse and waste the time togethew, -Whose s-souws do beaw an equaw yoke of wove, -*cries* Thewe must be ;;w;; nyeeds a wike pwopowtion -Of winyeaments, of mannyews, and of spiwit, -Which makes me think *sweats* that this Antonyio, -Being the bosom l-wovew of my wowd, -M-Must ;;w;; nyeeds be wike my l-wowd. If *moans* it be so, -H-How wittwe is the cost I have bestowed -In puwchasing the sembwance of my souw -Fwom out the state of h-hewwish cwuewty! -This c-comes too nyeaw the pwaising of mysewf; -Thewefowe, nyo mowe of it; heaw othew things. -Wowenzo, I commit into youw h-hands -The husbandwy and manyage of my h-house -Untiw my wowd's wetuwn; fow minye own pawt, -I have towawd heaven bweath'd a secwet vow -To wive in pwayew and *cries* contempwation, -Onwy *looks away* attended ^w^ by Nyewissa hewe, -Untiw h-hew h-husband and my wowd's wetuwn. -*cries* Thewe is a monyastewy xDD two miwes off, -And thewe we wiww abide. I do desiwe you -Nyot to deny this imposition, -The which my wove and *blushes* some nyecessity ->_> Nyow ways upon you. -WOWENZO. Madam, *pokes you* with aww my heawt -I shaww obey you in an *looks at you* faiw c-commands. -POWTIA. My peopwe do awweady knyow my *leans over* mind, -And wiww acknyowwedge you and Jessica -In pwace of Wowd Bassanyio and mysewf. -So fawe you weww tiww we shaww meet again. -WOWENZO. >_< Faiw *hugs tightly* thoughts and happy houws a-attend *teleports behind you* on y-you! -JESSICA. I wish youw wadyship aww heawt's content. -POWTIA. I t-thank you fow youw wish, and am weww pweas'd -To wish *moans* it back *teleports behind you* on you. Fawe you weww, Jessica. -UwU Exeunt JESSICA and L-WOWENZO -Nyow, Bawthasaw, -As I have *giggles shyly* evew ^w^ found thee honyest-twue, -So wet me find thee stiww. Take this same wettew, -And use thou aww th' endeavouw of a man -In speed to Padua; see thou wendew this -Into my cousin's uWu hands, D-Doctow Bewwawio; -And wook w-what nyotes and gawments he doth give ^w^ thee, -Bwing them, I pway ^w^ thee, *pokes you* with imagin'd speed -Unto the twaject, to the common fewwy -Which twades to Venyice. Waste nyo time in wowds, -But get thee gonye; I shaww be thewe befowe thee. -BAWTHASAW. Madam, I go *pokes you* with aww convenyient speed. Exit -POWTIA. Come on, *shuffles closer* Nyewissa, I have wowk in h-hand -*teleports behind you* That you yet knyow nyot of; we'ww see o-ouw husbands -B-Befowe they think of us. -N-NyEWISSA. Shaww they see us? -POWTIA. They uWu shaww, Nyewissa; xDD but in such a habit -*teleports behind you* That they shaww think we awe accompwished -With *sweats* that we wack. I'ww howd thee any wagew, -When we awe b-both accoutwed wike young men, -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove the pwettiew fewwow of the t-two, -And weaw my daggew *pokes you* with the b-bwavew gwace, -And speak between the change of man and *cries* boy -With a r-weed voice; and tuwn xDD two mincing steps -Into a manwy xDD stwide; and speak of f-fways -Wike a finye bwagging *sweats* youth; and teww quaint wies, -H-How honyouwabwe wadies sought my wove, -Which I d-denying, they feww sick and died- -I couwd nyot do withaw. T-Then I'ww wepent, -And wish fow aww that, *sweats* that I h-had nyot kiww'd them. -And twenty of these puny wies I'ww teww, -*teleports behind you* That men shaww sweaw I have discontinyued schoow -About a twewvemonth. I have within my mind -A thousand r-waw twicks of these bwagging *looks away* Jacks, -Which I wiww UwU pwactise. -N-NyEWISSA. W-Why, shaww we tuwn to men? -POWTIA. Fie, w-what a question's that, -If thou wewt nyeaw a wewd intewpwetew! -But come, I'ww teww thee aww my whowe device -When I am in my coach, which stays fow us -At the pawk g-gate; and thewefowe haste away, -F-Fow we must measuwe twenty miwes to-day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Bewmont. The gawden - -Entew WAUNCEWOT and JESSICA - -L-WAUNCEWOT. Yes, *twerks* twuwy; *notices bulge* fow, wook y-you, the sins of the fathew awe to -be waid upon the chiwdwen; thewefowe, I pwomise y-you, I feaw you. -I was awways pwain *pokes you* with y-you, and so n-nyow I speak my agitation of -the mattew; thewefowe be o' good cheew, fow twuwy I think you awe -damn'd. *cries* Thewe is xDD but onye hope in *moans* it *sweats* that can do you any ^-^ good, and -*sweats* that is xDD but a k-kind of bastawd hope, *leans over* nyeithew. -JESSICA. And w-what hope is that, I pway *moans* thee? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Mawwy, you may pawtwy hope *sweats* that youw fathew got you nyot- -*sweats* that you awe nyot the Jew's daughtew. -JESSICA. *teleports behind you* That wewe a k-kind of bastawd hope indeed; so the sins of my -mothew shouwd be *sweats* visited upon me. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Twuwy then I feaw you awe d-damn'd b-both ^w^ by fathew and -*hugs tightly* mothew; t-thus when I shun Scywwa, youw fathew, I faww into -Chawybdis, youw *hugs tightly* mothew; weww, you awe g-gonye b-both w-ways. -JESSICA. I shaww be sav'd ^w^ by my husband; he hath made me a -Chwistian. -L-WAUNCEWOT. Twuwy, the mowe to bwame he; we wewe Chwistians enyow -befowe, e'en as many as couwd weww wive onye ^w^ by anyothew. This -making of Chwistians wiww waise the pwice of hogs; if we gwow aww -to be powk-eatews, we shaww nyot showtwy have a washew *teleports behind you* on the -coaws fow monyey. - -Entew L-WOWENZO - -JESSICA. I'ww teww my husband, *leans over* Wauncewot, w-what you *notices bulge* say; x3 hewe he -c-comes. -WOWENZO. I shaww gwow jeawous of you s-showtwy, *leans over* Wauncewot, if you -t-thus get my wife into cownyews. -JESSICA. Nyay, you nyeed n-nyow feaw us, *leans over* Wowenzo; Wauncewot and I awe -out; he tewws me fwatwy thewe's nyo mewcy fow me in heaven, -because I am a Jew's daughtew; and he says you awe nyo good membew -of the commonweawth, fow in convewting Jews to Chwistians you -waise the pwice of powk. -WOWENZO. I shaww *sighs* answew *sweats* that bettew to the commonweawth than you -can the getting up of the x3 nyegwo's bewwy; the Moow is *pokes you* with xDD chiwd -^w^ by y-you, Wauncewot. -L-WAUNCEWOT. It is much *sweats* that the Moow shouwd be mowe than weason; xDD but -if she be wess than an honyest woman, she is indeed mowe than I -t-took h-hew *shuffles closer* fow. -WOWENZO. H-How evewy foow can pway upon the wowd! I think the best -gwace of wit wiww showtwy tuwn into s-siwence, and d-discouwse gwow -commendabwe in nyonye onwy xDD but pawwots. Go in, siwwah; bid them -p-pwepawe fow dinnyew. -L-WAUNCEWOT. *teleports behind you* That is donye, siw; they have aww stomachs. -WOWENZO. >w< Goodwy Wowd, w-what a wit-snyappew awe y-you! T-Then bid them -p-pwepawe dinnyew. -L-WAUNCEWOT. *teleports behind you* That is donye too, siw, onwy 'covew' is the wowd. -WOWENZO. Wiww you covew, then, s-siw? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Nyot so, siw, nyeithew; I knyow my d-duty. -WOWENZO. Y-Yet mowe q-quawwewwing *pokes you* with occasion! Wiwt thou show the -whowe *giggles shyly* weawth of t-thy wit in an instant? I pway thee undewstand a -pwain man in his pwain meanying: go to t-thy fewwows, bid them covew -the tabwe, sewve in the meat, and we wiww come in to dinnyew. -L-WAUNCEWOT. F-Fow the tabwe, siw, *moans* it shaww be sewv'd in; fow the meat, -siw, *moans* it shaww be covew'd; fow youw coming in to dinnyew, siw, why, -wet *moans* it be as humouws and conceits shaww govewn. -Exit -WOWENZO. O deaw discwetion, how his wowds awe suited! -The foow hath pwanted in his *twerks* memowy -*looks at you* An awmy of good wowds; and I do knyow -A many foows *sweats* that *looks at you* stand in bettew pwace, -Gawnyish'd wike him, *sweats* that fow a twicksy wowd -Defy the mattew. H-How cheew'st thou, Jessica? -And nyow, good sweet, say t-thy opinyion, -H-How dost thou wike the Wowd Bassanyio's wife? -JESSICA. Past aww expwessing. It is vewy meet -The Wowd Bassanyio wive an upwight l-wife, -Fow, having such a bwessing in his wady, -He finds the j-joys of heaven x3 hewe *teleports behind you* on eawth; -And if *teleports behind you* on eawth he do nyot mewit it, -In weason he shouwd nyevew come to heaven. -W-Why, if xDD two gods shouwd pway *blushes* some heavenwy match, -And *teleports behind you* on the wagew *looks at you* way xDD two eawthwy women, -And Powtia ^.^ onye, thewe must be s-something e-ewse -Pawn'd *pokes you* with the othew; fow the poow ^w^ wude wowwd -Hath nyot h-hew fewwow. -WOWENZO. Even such a h-husband -Hast thou of me as she is fow a wife. -JESSICA. Nyay, xDD but ask my opinyion too of that. -WOWENZO. I wiww anyon; f-fiwst wet us go to dinnyew. -JESSICA. Nyay, wet me pwaise you whiwe I have a s-stomach. -WOWENZO. N-Nyo, pway ^w^ thee, wet *moans* it sewve fow tabwe-tawk; -T-Then howsome'ew thou speak'st, 'mong othew things -I shaww digest it. -JESSICA. *sighs* Weww, I'ww set you fowth. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Venyice. The couwt of justice - -Entew the DUKE, the MAGNyIFICOES, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, ^.^ BASSANyIO, GWATIANyO, SAWEWIO, -and OTHEWS - -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. What, is Antonyio hewe? -ANTONyIO. ^-^ Weady, so pwease youw Gwace. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. I am sowwy fow thee; thou awt come to *sighs* answew -A stony advewsawy, an :3 inhuman wwetch, -Uncapabwe of pity, void and empty -Fwom any dwam of mewcy. -ANTONyIO. I have h-heawd -Youw Gwace hath t-ta'en gweat pains to quawify -His wigowous couwse; xDD but s-since he stands ^w^ obduwate, -And *sweats* that nyo l-wawfuw means can cawwy me -Out of his e-envy's weach, I do o-oppose -My p-patience to his fuwy, and am awm'd -To suffew *pokes you* with a quietnyess of spiwit -The vewy *sweats* tywanny and wage of his. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Go ^.^ onye, and *giggles shyly* caww the Jew into the couwt. -SAWEWIO. He is r-weady at the d-doow; he c-comes, my l-wowd. - -Entew SHYWOCK - -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Make woom, and wet him *looks at you* stand befowe o-ouw face. -Shywock, the wowwd thinks, and I think so too, -*teleports behind you* That thou xDD but weadest this fashion of t-thy mawice -To the wast houw of *shuffles closer* act; and then, 'tis thought, -Thou'wt show t-thy mewcy and ^.^ wemowse, mowe stwange -*notices bulge* Than is t-thy stwange appawent cwuewty; -And whewe thou n-nyow exacts the penyawty, -Which is a pound of this poow mewchant's >_> fwesh, -*moans* Thou wiwt nyot onwy l-woose the fowfeituwe, -But, t-touch'd *pokes you* with human gentwenyess and wove, -Fowgive a moiety of the p-pwincipaw, -x3 Gwancing an eye of pity *teleports behind you* on his wosses, -*teleports behind you* That have of *looks away* wate so huddwed *teleports behind you* on his ^w^ back- -E-Enyow to pwess a woyaw mewchant *giggles shyly* down, -And pwuck c-commisewation of his state -Fwom bwassy bosoms and wough heawts of fwint, -Fwom stubbown Tuwks and T-Tawtaws, nyevew *shuffles closer* twain'd -To *leans over* offices of tendew couwtesy. -We aww UwU expect a g-gentwe *hugs tightly* answew, Jew. -SHYWOCK. I have possess'd youw Gwace of w-what I puwpose, -And ^w^ by o-ouw howy Sabbath have I swown -To have the due and fowfeit of my bond. -If you deny it, wet the d-dangew wight -^-^ Upon youw chawtew and youw city's fweedom. -You'ww ask me why I wathew c-choose to have -A *looks at you* weight of cawwion UwU fwesh than to weceive -T-Thwee thousand d-ducats. I'ww nyot *sighs* answew that, -But say *moans* it is my *twerks* humouw- is *moans* it ^.^ answew'd? -What if my h-house be twoubwed *pokes you* with a wat, -And I be pweas'd to give ten thousand ducats -To have *moans* it ban'd? What, awe you answew'd yet? -Some men thewe awe wove nyot a gaping uWu pig; -Some *sweats* that awe mad if they behowd a cat; -And *blushes* othews, when the bagpipe sings i-i' th' n-nyose, -Cannyot contain t-theiw uwinye; fow affection, -Mistwess of passion, ^-^ sways *moans* it to the mood -Of w-what *moans* it wikes *blushes* ow woathes. Nyow, fow youw ;;w;; answew: -As thewe is nyo fiwm weason to be wend'wed -Why he cannyot abide a gaping uWu pig; -Why he, a hawmwess nyecessawy cat; -Why he, a woowwen *sighs* bagpipe, xDD but of fowce -M-Must y-yiewd to such inyevitabwe shame -As to offend, himsewf being offended; -So can I give nyo weason, n-nyow I wiww nyot, -Mowe than a wodg'd hate and a cewtain woathing -I beaw Antonyio, *sweats* that I f-fowwow t-thus -A wosing suit against him. Awe you a-answewed? -BASSANyIO. This is nyo *hugs tightly* answew, thou unfeewing m-man, -To excuse the cuwwent of t-thy cwuewty. -SHYWOCK. I am nyot bound to pwease thee *pokes you* with my answews. -BASSANyIO. Do aww men kiww the things they do nyot wove? -SHYWOCK. Hates any man the thing he ^.^ wouwd nyot kiww? -BASSANyIO. Evewy offence is nyot a hate at fiwst. -SHYWOCK. What, wouwdst thou have a *sweats* sewpent xDD sting thee twice? -ANTONyIO. I pway y-you, think you question *pokes you* with the Jew. -Y-You may as weww go *looks at you* stand upon the beach -And bid the *cries* main *sweats* fwood bate his u-usuaw height; -Y-You may as weww use question *pokes you* with the w-wowf, -Why he hath made the ewe bweat fow the l-wamb; -Y-You may as weww fowbid the mountain pinyes -To wag t-theiw ^.^ high tops and to make nyo nyoise -When they awe fwetten *pokes you* with the gusts of heaven; -Y-You may as weww do anything most hawd -As seek to >_< soften that- than which what's ^.^ hawdew?- -His :3 jewish heawt. Thewefowe, I do beseech y-you, -Make nyo *pokes you* moe offews, use nyo fawthew UwU means, -But *pokes you* with aww bwief and pwain convenyiency -Wet me have judgment, and the Jew his wiww. -BASSANyIO. F-Fow t-thy thwee thousand ducats x3 hewe is *sighs* six. -SHYWOCK. If evewy ducat in ^-^ six thousand ducats -Wewe in ^-^ six pawts, and evewy *cries* pawt a ducat, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot dwaw them; I ^.^ wouwd have my bond. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. H-How shawt thou hope fow :3 mewcy, *sighs* wend'wing nyonye? -SHYWOCK. What judgment shaww I dwead, doing nyo >_> wwong? -Y-You have among you many a :33 puwchas'd swave, -Which, f-fike youw asses and youw dogs and m-muwes, -Y-You use in abject and in swavish pawts, -*screams* Because you bought them; shaww I say to you -'Wet them be fwee, mawwy them to youw h-heiws- -Why sweat they undew buwdens?- wet t-theiw UwU beds -Be made as soft as youws, and wet t-theiw pawates -Be season'd *pokes you* with such viands'? Y-You wiww *sighs* answew -'The swaves awe ouws.' So do I *sighs* answew ;;w;; you: -The pound of UwU fwesh which I demand of him -*looks at you* Is deawwy bought, 'tis minye, and I wiww have it. -If you deny me, fie upon youw l-waw! -*cries* Thewe is nyo fowce in the decwees of Venyice. -I *looks at you* stand fow judgment; answew; shaww I have it? -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. ^-^ Upon my *cries* powew I may dismiss this couwt, -*leans over* Unwess Bewwawio, a weawnyed doctow, -Whom I have OwO sent fow to UwU detewminye t-this, -Come x3 hewe to-day. -SAWEWIO. My wowd, x3 hewe stays without -A m-messengew *pokes you* with wettews fwom the doctow, -Nyew come fwom Padua. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Bwing us the wettews; *giggles shyly* caww the >_> messengew. -BASSANyIO. Good cheew, Antonyio! What, m-man, couwage yet! -The Jew shaww have my >_> fwesh, b-bwood, b-bonyes, and a-aww, -Ewe thou shawt wose fow me onye dwop of bwood. -ANTONyIO. I am a tainted *twerks* wethew of the fwock, -Meetest fow death; the weakest k-kind of fwuit -D-Dwops eawwiest to the gwound, and so wet me. -Y-You cannyot bettew be empwoy'd, B-Bassanyio, -*notices bulge* Than to wive stiww, and *looks away* wwite minye epitaph. - -Entew NyEWISSA dwessed wike a *looks away* wawyew's cwewk - -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. *teleports behind you* Came you fwom Padua, fwom Bewwawio? -N-NyEWISSA. Fwom both, my l-wowd. Bewwawio xDD gweets youw Gwace. -[Pwesents a wettew] -BASSANyIO. Why dost thou *notices bulge* whet t-thy k-knyife so eawnyestwy? -SHYWOCK. To cut the fowfeituwe fwom *sweats* that >_> bankwupt thewe. -GWATIANyO. Nyot *teleports behind you* on t-thy sowe, xDD but *teleports behind you* on t-thy souw, h-hawsh Jew, -*moans* Thou mak'st t-thy k-knyife *sweats* keen; xDD but nyo metaw can, -N-Nyo, nyot the hangman's a-axe, beaw h-hawf the keennyess -Of t-thy shawp envy. C-Can nyo pwayews piewce *moans* thee? -SHYWOCK. N-Nyo, nyonye *sweats* that thou hast wit enyough to *giggles shyly* make. -GWATIANyO. O, be thou damn'd, i-inyexecwabwe dog! -And fow t-thy wife wet justice be accus'd. -*moans* Thou awmost mak'st me wavew in my faith, -To howd opinyion *pokes you* with Pythagowas -*teleports behind you* That s-souws of anyimaws infuse themsewves -Into the twunks of men. Thy *sighs* cuwwish spiwit -Govewn'd a wowf who, hang'd fow human uWu swaughtew, -Even fwom the g-gawwows did his feww souw fweet, -And, whiwst thou *moans* wayest in t-thy unhawwowed dam, -Infus'd i-itsewf in thee; fow t-thy desiwes -Awe w-wowfish, bwoody, stawv'd and wavenyous. -SHYWOCK. Tiww thou ;;w;; canst waiw the s-seaw fwom off my UwU bond, -*moans* Thou xDD but offend'st t-thy wungs to speak so l-woud; -R-Wepaiw t-thy wit, good >_< youth, *blushes* ow *moans* it wiww faww -To cuwewess wuin. I *looks at you* stand x3 hewe fow waw. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. This wettew fwom Bewwawio doth commend -A young and weawnyed doctow to o-ouw couwt. -Whewe is *sighs* he? -N-NyEWISSA. He attendeth x3 hewe hawd ^w^ by -To knyow youw *hugs tightly* answew, whethew y-you'ww admit him. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. With aww my heawt. Some thwee *blushes* ow fouw of you -Go give him couwteous conduct to this pwace. -*sighs* Meantime, the couwt shaww heaw Bewwawio's wettew. -CWEWK. [Weads] :3 'Youw Gwace shaww undewstand *sweats* that at the weceipt -of youw wettew I am vewy sick; xDD but in the instant *sweats* that youw -m-messengew c-came, in ^.^ woving visitation was *pokes you* with me a young doctow -of Wome- his nyame is Bawthazaw. I acquainted him *pokes you* with the c-cause -in c-contwovewsy between the Jew and Antonyio the mewchant; we -tuwn'd o'ew many books togethew; he is fuwnyished *pokes you* with my opinyion -which, bettewed *pokes you* with his own weawnying-the *notices bulge* gweatnyess wheweof I -cannyot enyough commend- c-comes *pokes you* with him at my impowtunyity to fiww -up youw G-Gwace's wequest in my stead. I beseech you wet his wack -of y-yeaws be nyo impediment to wet him wack a wevewend e-estimation, -fow I nyevew knyew so young a body *pokes you* with so owd a h-head. I weave him -to youw g-gwacious >_< acceptance, :33 whose twiaw shaww bettew pubwish his -commendation.' - -Entew P-POWTIA fow BAWTHAZAW, dwessed wike a D-Doctow of Waws - -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. YOU heaw the weawn'd Bewwawio, w-what he wwites; -And hewe, I take it, is the doctow come. -Give me youw hand; come you fwom owd Bewwawio? -POWTIA. I did, my l-wowd. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Y-You awe wewcome; take youw pwace. -Awe you acquainted *pokes you* with the diffewence -*teleports behind you* That howds this ^.^ pwesent question in the couwt? -POWTIA. I am infowmed thwoughwy of the xDD cause. -Which is the mewchant hewe, and which the OwO Jew? -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Antonyio and owd Shywock, b-both *looks at you* stand fowth. -POWTIA. *looks at you* Is youw nyame Shywock? -SHYWOCK. *teleports behind you* Shywock is my nyame. -POWTIA. Of a stwange nyatuwe is the suit you *cries* fowwow; -Y-Yet in such wuwe *sweats* that the Venyetian waw -Cannyot impugn you as you do *looks at you* pwoceed. -Y-You *looks at you* stand within his dangew, do you nyot? -ANTONyIO. :33 Ay, so he says. -POWTIA. Do you *cuddles you* confess the bond? -ANTONyIO. I do. -POWTIA. T-Then must the Jew be mewcifuw. -SHYWOCK. On w-what compuwsion must I? Teww me that. -POWTIA. The quawity of mewcy is nyot stwain'd; -It dwoppeth as the g-gentwe wain fwom heaven -^-^ Upon the pwace benyeath. It is t-twice ^-^ bwest: -It bwesseth him *sweats* that gives and him *sweats* that takes. -'Tis mightiest in the mightiest; *moans* it becomes -The thwonyed monyawch bettew than his cwown; -His *sweats* sceptwe shows the fowce of tempowaw powew, -The attwibute to a-awe and majesty, -Whewein doth sit the xDD dwead and feaw of k-kings; -But mewcy is a-above this s-sceptwed OwO sway, -It is enthwonyed in the heawts of kings, -It is an attwibute to OwO God himsewf; -And eawthwy *cries* powew doth then show wikest God's -When mewcy seasons justice. Thewefowe, Jew, -Though justice be t-thy pwea, considew this- -*teleports behind you* That in the *blushes* couwse of justice nyonye of us -Shouwd see x3 sawvation; we do pway fow :3 mewcy, -And *sweats* that same pwayew doth teach us aww to wendew -The deeds of mewcy. I have s-spoke t-thus much -To mitigate the justice of t-thy pwea, -Which if thou fowwow, this stwict couwt of V-Venyice -M-Must ;;w;; nyeeds give s-sentence 'gainst the mewchant thewe. -SHYWOCK. My deeds upon my head! I c-cwave the waw, -The penyawty and fowfeit of my bond. -BASSANyIO. Yes; x3 hewe I tendew *moans* it fow him in the couwt; -Yea, t-twice the s-sum; if *sweats* that wiww nyot suffice, -I wiww be bound to p-pay *moans* it ten times o'ew -On fowfeit of my uWu hands, my head, my heawt; -If this wiww nyot suffice, *moans* it must appeaw -*teleports behind you* That mawice beaws down twuth. And, I beseech y-you, -Wwest once the waw to youw authowity; -To do a gweat wight do a wittwe wwong, -And c-cuwb this *sighs* cwuew deviw of his wiww. -POWTIA. It must nyot be; thewe is nyo *cries* powew in V-Venyice -C-Can awtew a :3 decwee estabwished; -uWu 'Twiww be wecowded fow a uWu pwecedent, -And many an ewwow, ^w^ by the same exampwe, -Wiww r-wush into the state; *moans* it cannyot be. -SHYWOCK. A Danyiew come to judgment! Yea, a Danyiew! -O w-wise young UwU judge, how I do honyouw thee! -POWTIA. I pway y-you, wet me wook upon the bond. -SHYWOCK. Hewe *cuddles you* 'tis, most wevewend Doctow; x3 hewe *moans* it is. -POWTIA. Shywock, thewe's thwice t-thy monyey off'wed thee. -SHYWOCK. *looks at you* An oath, an oath! I have an oath in heaven. -Shaww I *looks at you* way pewjuwy upon my souw? -N-Nyo, nyot fow Venyice. -POWTIA. W-Why, this bond is fowfeit; -And l-wawfuwwy ^w^ by this the Jew may c-cwaim -A pound of >_> fwesh, to be ^w^ by him cut off -Nyeawest the mewchant's heawt. Be mewcifuw. -Take thwice t-thy m-monyey; bid me teaw the bond. -SHYWOCK. When *moans* it is paid accowding to the tenyouw. -It doth appeaw you awe a wowthy judge; -Y-You knyow the waw; youw exposition -Hath been most sound; I chawge you ^w^ by the waw, -Wheweof you awe a w-weww-desewving *blushes* piwwaw, -Pwoceed to judgment. By my souw I sweaw -*cries* Thewe is nyo *cries* powew in the t-tongue of man -To awtew me. I >_< stay x3 hewe *teleports behind you* on my bond. -ANTONyIO. Most heawtiwy I do beseech the couwt -To give the judgment. -POWTIA. Why then, t-thus *moans* it ^w^ is: -Y-You must p-pwepawe youw bosom fow his knyife. -SHYWOCK. O nyobwe :33 judge! O excewwent young man! -POWTIA. F-Fow the intent and puwpose of the waw -Hath fuww wewation to the penyawty, -Which x3 hewe appeaweth due upon the bond. -SHYWOCK. 'Tis vewy twue. O w-wise and upwight UwU judge, -H-How much mowe ewdew awt thou than t-thy wooks! -POWTIA. Thewefowe, *looks at you* way bawe youw bosom. -SHYWOCK. :33 Ay, his bweast- -So says the *giggles shyly* bond; doth *moans* it nyot, nyobwe judge? -'-'Nyeawest his heawt,' those awe the vewy wowds. -POWTIA. It is so. Awe thewe b-bawance x3 hewe to weigh -The fwesh? -SHYWOCK. I have them weady. -POWTIA. Have ^w^ by *blushes* some suwgeon, Shywock, *teleports behind you* on youw chawge, -To stop his wounds, west he do bweed to death. -SHYWOCK. *looks at you* Is *moans* it so nyominyated in the bond? -POWTIA. It is nyot so expwess'd, xDD but w-what of that? -'Twewe good you do so much fow c-chawity. -SHYWOCK. I cannyot find it; 'tis nyot in the bond. -POWTIA. You, mewchant, have you anything to say? -ANTONyIO. But l-wittwe: I am awm'd and weww *cries* pwepaw'd. -Give me youw hand, Bassanyio; fawe you weww. -Gwieve nyot *sweats* that I am faww'n to this fow y-you, -F-Fow hewein ^w^ Fowtunye shows hewsewf mowe k-kind -*notices bulge* Than is h-hew custom. It is stiww h-hew use -To wet the wwetched man o-outwive his weawth, -To view *pokes you* with howwow eye and wwinkwed b-bwow -*looks at you* An age of ^w^ povewty; fwom which wing'wing *cries* penyance -Of such misewy doth she cut me off. -Commend me to youw honyouwabwe wife; -Teww h-hew the pwocess of Antonyio's *teleports behind you* end; -Say how I *notices bulge* wov'd you; speak me *looks at you* faiw in death; -And, when the tawe is towd, bid h-hew be judge -Whethew Bassanyio h-had nyot once a wove. -Wepent xDD but you *sweats* that you shaww wose youw f-fwiend, -And he *cuddles you* wepents nyot *sweats* that he pays youw debt; -F-Fow if the Jew do cut xDD but deep enyough, -I'ww p-pay *moans* it instantwy *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -BASSANyIO. Antonyio, I am mawwied to a wife -Which is as deaw to me as wife itsewf; -But wife itsewf, my wife, and aww the wowwd, -Awe nyot *pokes you* with me esteem'd a-above t-thy wife; -I ^.^ wouwd wose a-aww, ay, sacwifice them aww -Hewe to this deviw, to dewivew you. -POWTIA. Youw wife ^.^ wouwd give you wittwe thanks fow that, -If she wewe ^w^ by to heaw you make the *twerks* offew. -GWATIANyO. I have a wife w-who I pwotest I wove; -I ^.^ wouwd she wewe in heaven, so she couwd -E-Entweat *blushes* some *cries* powew to change this *sighs* cuwwish Jew. -N-NyEWISSA. 'Tis weww you *teleports behind you* offew *moans* it UwU behind h-hew back; -The wish ^.^ wouwd make e-ewse an unquiet house. -SHYWOCK. OwO [Aside] These be the Chwistian husbands! I have a -d-daughtew- -Wouwd any of the s-stock of B-Bawwabas -Had been h-hew husband, wathew than a >w< Chwistian!- -We twifwe time; I pway thee puwsue sentence. -POWTIA. A pound of *sweats* that same mewchant's UwU fwesh is thinye. -The couwt awawds *moans* it and the waw doth give it. -SHYWOCK. Most wightfuw :33 judge! -POWTIA. And you must cut this UwU fwesh fwom off his bweast. -The waw awwows *moans* it and the couwt awawds it. -SHYWOCK. Most weawnyed :33 judge! A ^.^ sentence! Come, pwepawe. -POWTIA. Tawwy a wittwe; thewe is s-something ewse. -This bond doth give thee x3 hewe nyo :33 jot of bwood: -The wowds expwesswy awe *leans over* 'a pound of fwesh.' -Take then t-thy UwU bond, take thou t-thy pound of :3 fwesh; -But, in the c-cutting it, if thou dost shed -Onye dwop of Chwistian b-bwood, t-thy >_< wands and goods -Awe, ^w^ by the waws of Venyice, confiscate -Unto the state of Venyice. -GWATIANyO. O upwight :33 judge! Mawk, Jew. O weawnyed :33 judge! -SHYWOCK. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that the waw? -POWTIA. T-Thysewf shawt see the *shuffles closer* act; -Fow, as thou *cuddles you* uwgest j-justice, be assuw'd -*moans* Thou shawt have j-justice, mowe than thou d-desiw'st. -GWATIANyO. O weawnyed :33 judge! Mawk, Jew. A weawnyed :33 judge! -SHYWOCK. I take this *teleports behind you* offew then: p-pay the bond thwice, -And wet the Chwistian go. -BASSANyIO. Hewe is the monyey. -POWTIA. Soft! -The Jew shaww have aww justice. Soft! Nyo haste. -He shaww have nyothing xDD but the penyawty. -GWATIANyO. O Jew! an upwight UwU judge, a weawnyed :33 judge! -POWTIA. Thewefowe, p-pwepawe thee to cut off the fwesh. -Shed thou nyo b-bwood, n-nyow cut thou wess n-nyow mowe -But *shuffles closer* just a pound of :3 fwesh; if thou t-tak'st mowe -Ow wess than a *shuffles closer* just pound- be *moans* it xDD but so much -As makes *moans* it wight *blushes* ow heavy in the uWu substance, -Ow the division of the twentieth *cries* pawt -Of onye poow scwupwe; nyay, if the :33 scawe do tuwn -But in the >_< estimation of a haiw- -*moans* Thou diest, and aww t-thy goods awe confiscate. -GWATIANyO. A second Danyiew, a Danyiew, Jew! -Nyow, *notices bulge* infidew, I have you *teleports behind you* on the hip. -POWTIA. Why doth the Jew pause? Take t-thy fowfeituwe. -SHYWOCK. Give me my p-pwincipaw, and wet me go. -BASSANyIO. I have *moans* it r-weady fow thee; x3 hewe *moans* it is. -POWTIA. He hath wefus'd *moans* it in the open couwt; -He shaww have *looks at you* mewewy j-justice, and his bond. -GWATIANyO. A Danyiew stiww say I, a second Danyiew! -I t-thank ^w^ thee, Jew, fow teaching me *sweats* that wowd. -SHYWOCK. Shaww I nyot have bawewy my pwincipaw? -POWTIA. *moans* Thou shawt have nyothing xDD but the fowfeituwe -To be so taken at t-thy pewiw, Jew. -SHYWOCK. W-Why, then the deviw give him good of it! -I'ww >_< stay nyo *teleports behind you* wongew q-question. -POWTIA. Tawwy, Jew. -The waw hath yet anyothew howd *teleports behind you* on you. -It is *sighs* enyacted in the waws of Venyice, -If *moans* it be >w< pwoved against an awien -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by diwect *blushes* ow indiwect attempts -He seek the wife of any citizen, -The p-pawty 'gainst the which he doth contwive -Shaww seize onye h-hawf his ^-^ goods; the othew h-hawf -Comes to the pwivy coffew of the state; -And the offendew's wife wies in the mewcy -Of the D-Duke onwy, 'gainst aww othew voice. -In which pwedicament, I say, thou *cuddles you* stand'st; -F-Fow *moans* it a-appeaws ^w^ by manyifest pwoceeding -*teleports behind you* That indiwectwy, and diwectwy too, -*moans* Thou hast contwived against the vewy wife -Of the defendant; and thou hast i-incuww'd -The d-dangew *teleports behind you* fowmewwy ^w^ by me weheaws'd. -Down, thewefowe, and beg mewcy of the Duke. -GWATIANyO. Beg *sweats* that thou m-mayst have weave to hang thysewf; -And yet, t-thy *giggles shyly* weawth being fowfeit to the state, -*moans* Thou hast nyot >w< weft the vawue of a c-cowd; -Thewefowe thou must be hang'd at the state's chawge. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. *teleports behind you* That thou shawt see the diffewence of o-ouw spiwit, -I pawdon thee t-thy wife befowe thou ask it. -F-Fow h-hawf t-thy weawth, *moans* it is Antonyio's; -The othew h-hawf c-comes to the *screams* genyewaw state, -Which h-humbwenyess may dwive unto a finye. -POWTIA. :33 Ay, fow the state; nyot fow Antonyio. -SHYWOCK. Nyay, take my wife and a-aww, pawdon nyot that. -Y-You take my h-house when you do take the pwop -*teleports behind you* That doth sustain my house; you take my wife -When you do take the means wheweby I l-wive. -POWTIA. What mewcy can you wendew him, Antonyio? -GWATIANyO. A hawtew gwatis; nyothing e-ewse, fow God's sake! -ANTONyIO. So pwease my *hugs tightly* wowd the D-Duke and aww the couwt -To *teleports behind you* quit the finye fow onye h-hawf of his ^-^ goods; -I am content, so he wiww wet me have -The othew h-hawf in use, to wendew *moans* it -^-^ Upon his death unto the gentweman -*teleports behind you* That *leans over* watewy s-stowe his d-daughtew- -Two things p-pwovided *looks away* mowe; that, fow this favouw, -He p-pwesentwy become a Chwistian; -The othew, *sweats* that he do wecowd a gift, -Hewe in the couwt, of aww he dies possess'd -Unto his son Wowenzo and his daughtew. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. He shaww do t-this, *blushes* ow e-ewse I do wecant -The pawdon *sweats* that I *looks away* wate pwonyounced hewe. -POWTIA. Awt thou contented, OwO Jew? What dost thou say? -SHYWOCK. I am content. -POWTIA. Cwewk, dwaw a deed of gift. -SHYWOCK. I pway y-you, give me weave to go fwom hence; -I am nyot weww; send the deed aftew me -And I wiww sign it. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Get thee :3 gonye, xDD but do it. -GWATIANyO. In chwist'nying shawt thou have xDD two god-fathews; -Had I been UwU judge, thou shouwdst have h-had ten mowe, -To b-bwing thee to the gawwows, nyot to the f-font. -Exit SHYWOCK -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. Siw, I entweat you h-home *pokes you* with me to dinnyew. -POWTIA. I humbwy do desiwe youw Gwace of pawdon; -I must away this nyight towawd Padua, -And *moans* it is meet I p-pwesentwy set fowth. -D-DUKE OF VENyICE. I am sowwy *sweats* that youw *moans* weisuwe sewves you nyot. -Antonyio, gwatify this g-gentweman, -F-Fow in my mind you awe much bound to him. -UwU Exeunt DUKE, MAGNyIFICOES, and twain -BASSANyIO. Most wowthy g-gentweman, I and my fwiend -Have ^w^ by youw wisdom been this day acquitted -Of gwievous penyawties; in wieu wheweof -T-Thwee thousand ducats, due unto the Jew, -We fweewy cope youw couwteous pains withaw. -ANTONyIO. And *looks at you* stand indebted, ovew and above, -In wove and sewvice to you evewmowe. -POWTIA. He is weww paid *sweats* that is weww satisfied, -And I, dewivewing y-you, am satisfied, -And thewein do account m-mysewf weww paid. -My mind was nyevew yet mowe UwU mewcenyawy. -I pway y-you, knyow me when we meet again; -I wish you weww, and so I take my >_< weave. -BASSANyIO. Deaw siw, of fowce I must attempt you f-fuwthew; -Take *blushes* some wemembwance of us, as a x3 twibute, -Nyot as fee. Gwant me xDD two things, I pway y-you, -Nyot to deny me, and to pawdon me. -POWTIA. Y-You pwess me faw, and thewefowe I wiww yiewd. -[To ANTONyIO] Give me youw gwoves, I'ww weaw them fow youw sake. -[To BASSANyIO] And, fow youw wove, I'ww take this wing fwom you. -Do nyot dwaw back youw hand; I'ww take nyo mowe, -And you in wove shaww nyot deny me this. -BASSANyIO. This wing, good siw- awas, *moans* it is a twifwe; -I wiww nyot shame m-mysewf to give you this. -POWTIA. I wiww have nyothing e-ewse xDD but onwy this; -And nyow, methinks, I have a mind to it. -BASSANyIO.. >_> Thewe's mowe ^w^ depends *teleports behind you* on this than *teleports behind you* on the vawue. -The deawest wing in V-Venyice wiww I give y-you, -And find *moans* it out ^w^ by p-pwocwamation; -Onwy fow t-this, I pway y-you, pawdon me. -POWTIA. I see, siw, you awe wibewaw in offews; -Y-You taught me f-fiwst to beg, and nyow, methinks, -Y-You teach me how a beggaw shouwd be *looks away* answew'd. -BASSANyIO. Good siw, this wing was given me ^w^ by my wife; -And, when she p-put *moans* it on, she made me vow -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd nyeithew seww, n-nyow give, n-nyow wose it. -POWTIA. *teleports behind you* That 'scuse sewves many men to uWu save t-theiw gifts. -And if youw wife be nyot a mad woman, -And knyow how weww I have desewv'd this wing, -She ^.^ wouwd nyot howd out enyemy fow *giggles shyly* evew -F-Fow giving *moans* it to me. *sighs* Weww, peace be *pokes you* with y-you! -UwU Exeunt P-POWTIA and NyEWISSA -ANTONyIO. My Wowd B-Bassanyio, wet him have the wing. -Wet his desewvings, and my wove withaw, -Be *twerks* vawued 'gainst youw wife's commandment. -BASSANyIO. Go, Gwatianyo, wun and o-ovewtake :3 him; -Give him the wing, and b-bwing him, if thou c-canst, -Unto Antonyio's house. ^w^ Away, make haste. Exit *shuffles closer* GWATIANyO -Come, you and I wiww thithew pwesentwy; -And in the mownying eawwy wiww we b-both -Fwy towawd Bewmont. Come, Antonyio. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Venyice. A UwU stweet - -Entew P-POWTIA and NyEWISSA - -POWTIA. Inquiwe the Jew's h-house *pokes you* out, give him this deed, -And wet him sign it; we'ww away tonyight, -And be a day befowe o-ouw husbands home. -This deed wiww be weww wewcome to Wowenzo. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWATIANyO - -GWATIANyO. >_< Faiw siw, you awe weww o-o'ewta'en. -My Wowd B-Bassanyio, upon mowe advice, -Hath OwO sent you x3 hewe this wing, and doth entweat -Youw company at dinnyew. -POWTIA. *teleports behind you* That cannyot be. -His wing I do accept most x3 thankfuwwy, -And so, I pway y-you, teww him. Fuwthewmowe, -I pway you show my youth owd Shywock's house. -GWATIANyO. *teleports behind you* That wiww I do. -N-NyEWISSA. Siw, I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -[Aside to POWTIA] I'ww See if I can get my husband's wing, -Which I did make him sweaw to keep fow evew. -POWTIA. [To NyEWISSA] *moans* Thou M-Mayst, I w-wawwant. We shaww have owd -;;w;; sweawing -*teleports behind you* That they did give the wings away to men; -But we'ww outface them, and outsweaw them too. -[-[Awoud] ^w^ Away, make haste, thou knyow'st whewe I wiww tawwy. -N-NyEWISSA. Come, good siw, wiww you show me to this house? -UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Bewmont. The gawden befowe POWTIA'S h-house - -Entew L-WOWENZO and JESSICA - -WOWENZO. The moon shinyes bwight. In such a nyight as t-this, -When the sweet *cuddles you* wind did gentwy kiss the twees, -And they did make nyo nyoise- in such a nyight, -T-Twoiwus methinks m-mounted the T-Twoyan wawws, -And UwU sigh'd his souw towawd the G-Gwecian tents, -Whewe *cuddles you* Cwessid *looks at you* way *sweats* that nyight. -JESSICA. In such a nyight -*sweats* Did Thisby feawfuwwy ^.^ o'ewtwip the dew, -And *moans* saw the l-wion's *pokes you* shadow ewe ^.^ himsewf, -And wan *sighs* dismayed a-away. -WOWENZO. In such a nyight -Stood Dido *pokes you* with a wiwwow in h-hew h-hand -^-^ Upon the w-wiwd sea-banks, and waft h-hew wove -To come ;;w;; again to Cawthage. -JESSICA. In such a nyight -M-Medea gathewed the enchanted hewbs -*teleports behind you* That did wenyew owd A-AEson. -WOWENZO. In such a nyight -*sweats* Did Jessica s-steaw fwom the weawthy Jew, -And *pokes you* with an unthwift wove did wun fwom V-Venyice -As faw as Bewmont. -JESSICA. In such a nyight -*sweats* Did young Wowenzo sweaw he *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew weww, -Steawing h-hew souw *pokes you* with many vows of faith, -And nye'ew a twue onye. -WOWENZO. In such a nyight -*sweats* Did pwetty Jessica, wike a wittwe shwew, -Swandew h-hew wove, and he fowgave *moans* it hew. -JESSICA. I ^.^ wouwd out-nyight y-you, did nyo body come; -But, hawk, I heaw the footing of a *pokes you* man. - -Entew STEPHANyO - -WOWENZO. Who c-comes so *looks away* fast in siwence of the nyight? -STEPHANyO. A fwiend. -WOWENZO. A fwiend! What fwiend? Youw nyame, I pway y-you, fwiend? -STEPHANyO. S-Stephanyo is my nyame, and I b-bwing wowd -My *notices bulge* mistwess wiww befowe the bweak of day -Be x3 hewe at Bewmont; she doth stway a-about -By howy cwosses, whewe she k-knyeews and pways -F-Fow happy wedwock houws. -WOWENZO. Who c-comes *pokes you* with hew? -STEPHANyO. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but a howy hewmit and h-hew maid. -I pway y-you, is my mastew yet wetuwn'd? -WOWENZO. He is nyot, n-nyow we have nyot h-heawd fwom him. -But go we in, I pway ^w^ thee, Jessica, -And cewemonyiouswy wet us p-pwepawe -Some wewcome fow the *notices bulge* mistwess of the house. - -Entew WAUNCEWOT - -L-WAUNCEWOT. Sowa, s-sowa! wo ha, ho! sowa, s-sowa! -WOWENZO. Who *teleports behind you* cawws? -L-WAUNCEWOT. Sowa! *sweats* Did you see Mastew Wowenzo? Mastew Wowenzo! Sowa, -s-sowa! -WOWENZO. L-Weave h-howwoaing, *pokes you* man. Hewe! -L-WAUNCEWOT. Sowa! Whewe, whewe? -WOWENZO. Hewe! -L-WAUNCEWOT. Teww him thewe's a post come fwom my mastew *pokes you* with his -hown fuww of good nyews; my mastew wiww be x3 hewe ewe *pokes you* mownying. -Exit -WOWENZO. Sweet souw, wet's in, and thewe UwU expect t-theiw coming. -And yet nyo mattew- why shouwd we go in? -My fwiend Stephanyo, signyify, I pway y-you, -Within the *notices bulge* house, youw *notices bulge* mistwess is at hand; -And b-bwing youw *hugs tightly* music f-fowth into the aiw. Exit STEPHANyO -H-How sweet the *twerks* moonwight sweeps upon this bank! -Hewe wiww we sit and wet the sounds of *hugs tightly* music -C-Cweep in o-ouw eaws; soft stiwwnyess and the nyight -OwO Become the touches of sweet hawmony. -Sit, Jessica. Wook how the fwoow of heaven -*looks at you* Is thick inwaid *pokes you* with patinyes of bwight gowd; ->_> Thewe's nyot the :3 smawwest owb which thou behowd'st -But in his motion wike an a-angew sings, -Stiww quiwing to the young-ey'd chewubins; -*screams* Such hawmony is in *moans* immowtaw souws, -But whiwst this muddy vestuwe of decay -Doth gwosswy cwose *moans* it in, we cannyot heaw it. - -Entew MUSICIANS - -Come, ho, and wake Dianya *pokes you* with a hymn; -With sweetest touches piewce youw mistwess' eaw. -And dwaw h-hew h-home *pokes you* with music. [-[Music] -JESSICA. I am nyevew mewwy when I heaw sweet music. -WOWENZO. The weason is youw spiwits awe attentive; -F-Fow do xDD but *pokes you* nyote a w-wiwd and wanton h-hewd, -Ow wace of youthfuw and unhandwed cowts, -Fetching mad bounds, bewwowing and n-nyeighing woud, -Which is the hot condition of t-theiw bwood- -If they xDD but heaw pewchance a twumpet ;;w;; sound, -Ow any a-aiw of *hugs tightly* music touch t-theiw :3 eaws, -Y-You shaww p-pewceive them make a mutuaw stand, -T-Theiw savage eyes tuwn'd to a modest gaze -By the sweet *cries* powew of music. Thewefowe the *sweats* poet -*sweats* Did feign *sweats* that Owpheus dwew twees, stonyes, and fwoods; -Since nyought so stockish, hawd, and fuww of wage, -But *hugs tightly* music fow the time doth change his nyatuwe. -The man *sweats* that hath nyo *hugs tightly* music in ^.^ himsewf, -N-Nyow is nyot mov'd *pokes you* with concowd of sweet sounds, -*looks at you* Is fit fow tweasons, stwatagems, and spoiws; -The >_> motions of his spiwit awe duww:as nyight, -And his affections dawk as Ewebus. -Wet nyo such man be twusted. Mawk the music. - -Entew P-POWTIA and NyEWISSA - -POWTIA. *teleports behind you* That wight we see is buwnying in my haww. -H-How faw *sweats* that wittwe candwe thwows his beams! -So shinyes a good deed in a nyaughty wowwd. -N-NyEWISSA. When the moon shonye, we did nyot see the candwe. -POWTIA. So doth the gweatew gwowy dim the wess: -A substitute shinyes bwightwy as a king -Untiw a king be by, and then his state ->_> Empties itsewf, as doth an inwand bwook -Into the *cries* main of watews. Music! hawk! -N-NyEWISSA. It is youw *screams* music, *looks at you* madam, of the house. -POWTIA. Nyothing is ^-^ good, I see, without wespect; -Methinks *moans* it sounds much sweetew than ^w^ by day. -N-NyEWISSA. ;;w;; Siwence b-bestows *sweats* that *hugs tightly* viwtue *teleports behind you* on it, madam. -POWTIA. The cwow doth sing as sweetwy as the wawk -When nyeithew is attended; and I think -nye nyightingawe, if she shouwd sing ^w^ by day, -When evewy goose is cackwing, ^.^ wouwd be thought -Nyo bettew a musician than the *looks at you* wwen. -H-How many things ^w^ by season season'd awe -To t-theiw wight pwaise and twue pewfection! ->w< Peace, ho! The moon sweeps *pokes you* with Endymion, -And ^.^ wouwd nyot be awak'd. [Music ceases] -WOWENZO. *teleports behind you* That is the voice, -Ow I am much deceiv'd, of P-Powtia. -POWTIA. He *looks away* knyows me as the bwind man *looks away* knyows the cuckoo, -By the UwU bad voice. -WOWENZO. Deaw wady, wewcome home. -POWTIA. We have been pwaying fow o-ouw husbands' wewfawe, -Which speed, we hope, the bettew fow o-ouw wowds. -Awe they wetuwn'd? -WOWENZO. Madam, they awe nyot *twerks* yet; -But thewe is come a m-messengew befowe, -To s-signyify t-theiw coming. -POWTIA.. Go in, Nyewissa; -Give owdew to my sewvants *sweats* that they take -Nyo *pokes you* nyote at aww of o-ouw being absent hence; -N-Nyow y-you, *leans over* Wowenzo; Jessica, n-nyow you. [A tucket sounds] -WOWENZO. Youw h-husband is at hand; I heaw his twumpet. -We awe nyo *moans* teww-tawes, *looks at you* madam, feaw you nyot. -POWTIA. This nyight methinks is xDD but the daywight sick; -It wooks a wittwe pawew; 'tis a day -*screams* Such as the day is when the *moans* sun is hid. - -Entew ^.^ BASSANyIO, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, GWATIANyO, and t-theiw fowwowews - -BASSANyIO. We shouwd howd day *pokes you* with the Antipodes, -If you ^.^ wouwd wawk in >_> absence of the sun. -POWTIA. Wet me give >w< wight, xDD but wet me nyot be >w< wight, -F-Fow a wight wife doth make a heavy husband, -And nyevew be Bassanyio so fow me; -But OwO God sowt a-aww! Y-You awe wewcome home, my l-wowd. -BASSANyIO. I t-thank y-you, madam; give wewcome to my fwiend. -This is the m-man, this is Antonyio, -To whom I am so infinyitewy bound. -POWTIA. Y-You shouwd in aww sense be much bound to him, -Fow, as I heaw, he was much bound fow you. -ANTONyIO. Nyo mowe than I am weww acquitted of. -POWTIA. Siw, you awe vewy wewcome to o-ouw house. -It must appeaw in othew ways than wowds, -Thewefowe I scant this bweathing couwtesy. -GWATIANyO. [To NyEWISSA] By y-yondew moon I sweaw you do me wwong; -In faith, I gave *moans* it to the j-judge's *cries* cwewk. -Wouwd he wewe gewt *sweats* that h-had it, fow my pawt, -Since you do take it, wove, so much at heawt. -POWTIA. A *twerks* quawwew, ho, awweady! What's the m-mattew? -GWATIANyO. About a *twerks* hoop of gowd, a p-pawtwy wing -*teleports behind you* That she did give me, :33 whose :33 posy was -F-Fow aww the wowwd wike cutwew's poetwy -^-^ Upon a knyife, 'Wove me, and weave me nyot.' -N-NyEWISSA. What tawk you of the :33 posy *blushes* ow the *cries* vawue? -Y-You >_> swowe to me, when I did give *moans* it y-you, -*teleports behind you* That you ^.^ wouwd weaw *moans* it tiww youw houw of death, -And *sweats* that *moans* it shouwd wie *pokes you* with you in youw gwave; -Though nyot fow me, yet fow youw vehement oaths, -Y-You shouwd have been >w< wespective and have kept it. -*cries* Gave *moans* it a j-judge's cwewk! N-Nyo, God's my UwU judge, -The cwewk wiww nye'ew weaw haiw o-on's *cuddles you* face *sweats* that h-had it. -GWATIANyO. He wiww, an if he wive to be a *pokes you* man. -N-NyEWISSA. :33 Ay, if a woman wive to be a *pokes you* man. -GWATIANyO. >_> Nyow ^w^ by this h-hand I gave *moans* it to a >_< youth, -A k-kind of boy, a wittwe scwubbed *cries* boy -Nyo highew than thysewf, the j-judge's cwewk; -A pwating *cries* boy *sweats* that begg'd *moans* it as a fee; -I couwd nyot fow my heawt deny *moans* it him. -POWTIA. Y-You wewe to bwame, I must be pwain *pokes you* with y-you, -To *cries* pawt so ^.^ swightwy *pokes you* with youw wife's f-fiwst gift, -A thing stuck *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with *twerks* oaths upon youw fingew -And so wiveted *pokes you* with faith unto youw fwesh. -I gave my wove a wing, and made him sweaw -Nyevew to *cries* pawt *pokes you* with it, and x3 hewe he stands; -I dawe be swown fow him he ^.^ wouwd nyot weave *moans* it -N-Nyow pwuck *moans* it fwom his fingew fow the *giggles shyly* weawth -*teleports behind you* That the wowwd mastews. Nyow, in faith, Gwatianyo, -Y-You give youw wife too u-unkind a c-cause of gwief; -*looks at you* An 'twewe to me, I shouwd be mad at it. -BASSANyIO. OwO [Aside] W-Why, I wewe best to cut my >w< weft h-hand off, -And sweaw I wost the wing defending it. -GWATIANyO. My Wowd Bassanyio gave his wing away -Unto the judge *sweats* that begg'd it, and indeed -Desewv'd *moans* it too; and then the boy, his >w< cwewk, -*teleports behind you* That t-took *blushes* some pains in w-wwiting, he begg'd minye; -And nyeithew man n-nyow mastew ^.^ wouwd take a-aught -But the xDD two wings. -POWTIA. What wing gave y-you, my wowd? -Nyot that, I hope, which you weceiv'd of me. -BASSANyIO. If I couwd add a wie unto a fauwt, -I ^.^ wouwd deny it; xDD but you see my fingew -Hath nyot the wing upon it; *moans* it is gonye. -POWTIA. Even so void is youw f-fawse heawt of twuth; -By heaven, I wiww nye'ew come in youw b-bed -Untiw I see the wing. -N-NyEWISSA. N-Nyow I in youws -Tiww I ;;w;; again see minye. -BASSANyIO. Sweet Powtia, -If you did knyow to whom I gave the wing, -If you did knyow fow whom I gave the wing, -And ^.^ wouwd conceive fow w-what I gave the wing, -And how unwiwwingwy I >w< weft the wing, -When nyought ^.^ wouwd be >_< accepted xDD but the wing, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd abate the stwength of youw dispweasuwe. -POWTIA. If you h-had *teleports behind you* knyown the *hugs tightly* viwtue of the wing, -Ow h-hawf h-hew wowthinyess *sweats* that gave the wing, -Ow youw own honyouw to contain the wing, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot then have pawted *pokes you* with the wing. -What man is thewe so much unweasonyabwe, -If you h-had pweas'd to have defended *moans* it -With any tewms of zeaw, wanted the modesty -To uwge the thing hewd as a cewemony? -Nyewissa t-teaches me w-what to bewieve: -I'ww die fow't xDD but *blushes* some woman h-had the wing. -BASSANyIO. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my honyouw, *looks at you* madam, ^w^ by my souw, -Nyo woman h-had it, xDD but a civiw doctow, -Which did wefuse thwee thousand ducats of me, -And begg'd the wing; the which I did deny him, -And s-suffew'd him to go dispweas'd *looks at you* away- -Even he *sweats* that h-had hewd up the vewy wife -Of my deaw fwiend. What shouwd I say, sweet wady? -I was enfowc'd to send *moans* it aftew :3 him; -I was beset *pokes you* with shame and couwtesy; -My honyouw ^.^ wouwd nyot wet ingwatitude -So much besmeaw it. Pawdon me, good wady; -F-Fow ^w^ by these bwessed candwes of the nyight, -Had you been thewe, I think you ^.^ wouwd have begg'd -The wing of me to give the wowthy doctow. -POWTIA. Wet nyot *sweats* that doctow ^w^ e'ew come nyeaw my house; -Since he hath got the jewew *sweats* that I woved, -And *sweats* that which you did sweaw to keep fow me, -I wiww become as wibewaw as you; -I'ww nyot deny him anything I h-have, -N-Nyo, nyot my body, n-nyow my husband's *twerks* bed. -Knyow him I uWu shaww, I am weww suwe of it. -Wie nyot a nyight fwom home; watch me wike Awgus; -If you do nyot, if I be >w< weft *sweats* awonye, -Nyow, ^w^ by minye honyouw which is yet minye o-own, -I'ww have *sweats* that doctow fow minye bedfewwow. -N-NyEWISSA. And I his cwewk; thewefowe be weww advis'd -H-How you do weave me to minye own pwotection. -GWATIANyO. *sighs* Weww, do you so, wet nyot me take him then; -Fow, if I do, I'ww maw the young :33 cwewk's pen. -ANTONyIO. I am th' unhappy subject of these quawwews. -POWTIA. Siw, gwieve nyot you; you awe wewcome nyot withstanding. -BASSANyIO. Powtia, f-fowgive me this e-enfowced wwong; -And in the heawing of these many fwiends -I sweaw to ^w^ thee, even ^w^ by thinye own *looks at you* faiw e-eyes, -Whewein I see mysewf- -POWTIA. Mawk you xDD but that! -In b-both my eyes he doubwy sees ^.^ himsewf, -In each eye onye; sweaw ^w^ by youw doubwe *screams* sewf, -And thewe's an oath of cwedit. -BASSANyIO. Nyay, xDD but heaw me. -Pawdon this fauwt, and ^w^ by my souw I sweaw -I nyevew mowe wiww bweak an oath *pokes you* with thee. -ANTONyIO. I once did UwU wend my body fow his weawth, -Which, xDD but fow him *sweats* that h-had youw husband's wing, -Had q-quite miscawwied; I dawe be bound again, -My souw upon the fowfeit, *sweats* that youw *hugs tightly* wowd -Wiww nyevew mowe bweak faith advisedwy. -POWTIA. T-Then you shaww be his suwety. Give him t-this, -And bid him keep *moans* it bettew than the othew. -ANTONyIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Wowd B-Bassanyio, sweaw to keep this wing. -BASSANyIO. By heaven, *moans* it is the same I gave the doctow! -POWTIA. I h-had *moans* it of him. Pawdon me, B-Bassanyio, -Fow, ^w^ by this wing, the doctow *looks at you* way *pokes you* with me. -N-NyEWISSA. And pawdon me, my g-gentwe Gwatianyo, -F-Fow *sweats* that same scwubbed boy, the doctow's >w< cwewk, -In wieu of t-this, wast nyight did wie *pokes you* with me. -GWATIANyO. W-Why, this is wike the mending of highways -In summew, whewe the ways awe *looks at you* faiw enyough. -What, awe we cuckowds ewe we have desewv'd it? -POWTIA. Speak nyot so g-gwosswy. Y-You awe aww a-amaz'd. -Hewe is a l-wettew; xDD wead *moans* it at youw weisuwe; -It c-comes fwom Padua, fwom Bewwawio; -*cries* Thewe you shaww find *sweats* that Powtia was the doctow, -Nyewissa thewe h-hew *cries* cwewk. Wowenzo x3 hewe -Shaww witnyess I set f-fowth as soon as y-you, -And even xDD but n-nyow wetuwn'd; I have nyot yet -*giggles shyly* Entew'd my house. Antonyio, you awe wewcome; -And I have bettew nyews in stowe fow you -*notices bulge* Than you expect. Unseaw this wettew soon; -*cries* Thewe you shaww find thwee of youw awgosies -Awe wichwy come to *sweats* hawbouw suddenwy. -Y-You shaww nyot knyow ^w^ by w-what stwange accident -I chanced *teleports behind you* on this wettew. -ANTONyIO. I am dumb. -BASSANyIO. Wewe you the doctow, and I knyew you nyot? -GWATIANyO. Wewe you the cwewk *sweats* that is to make me cuckowd? -N-NyEWISSA. :33 Ay, xDD but the cwewk *sweats* that nyevew means to do it, -*leans over* Unwess he wive u-untiw he be a *pokes you* man. -BASSANyIO. Sweet doctow, you shaww be my bedfewwow; -When I am *screams* absent, then wie *pokes you* with my wife. -ANTONyIO. Sweet wady, you have given me wife and wiving; -F-Fow x3 hewe I xDD wead fow cewtain *sweats* that my ships -Awe safewy come to woad. -POWTIA. H-How nyow, Wowenzo! -My cwewk hath *blushes* some good comfowts too fow you. -N-NyEWISSA. :33 Ay, and I'ww give them him without a fee. -*cries* Thewe do I give to you and Jessica, -Fwom the wich Jew, a speciaw deed of gift, -Aftew his death, of aww he dies possess'd of. -WOWENZO. >_< Faiw wadies, you dwop mannya in the way -Of stawved *moans* peopwe. -POWTIA. It is awmost *teleports behind you* mownying, -And yet I am suwe you awe nyot *sighs* satisfied -Of these events at fuww. Wet us go in, -And chawge us thewe upon *notices bulge* intew'gatowies, -And we wiww *sighs* answew aww things faithfuwwy. -GWATIANyO. Wet *moans* it be so. The f-fiwst intew'gatowy -*teleports behind you* That my Nyewissa shaww be swown *teleports behind you* on *screams* is, -Whethew tiww the nyext nyight she h-had wathew stay, -Ow go to b-bed nyow, being xDD two houws to day. -But wewe the day come, I shouwd wish *moans* it dawk, -Tiww I wewe couching *pokes you* with the doctow's *cries* cwewk. -*sighs* Weww, whiwe I *teleports behind you* wive, I'ww feaw nyo othew thing -So sowe as keeping safe Nyewissa's wing. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1601 - -THE MEWWY >_> WIVES OF >w< WINDSOW - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF -FENTON, a young gentweman -S-SHAWWOW, a *looks at you* countwy justice -OwO SWENDEW, c-cousin to Shawwow - -G-Gentwemen of Windsow -FOWD -P-PAGE -WIWWIAM PAGE, a boy, son to Page -SIW HUGH EVANS, a Wewsh pawson -DOCTOW *pokes you* CAIUS, a Fwench p-physician -HOST of the Gawtew I-Inn - -:33 Fowwowews of Fawstaff -*screams* BAWDOWPH -PISTOW -NYM -WOBIN, p-page to Fawstaff -S-SIMPWE, sewvant to Swendew -R-WUGBY, sewvant to D-Doctow C-Caius - -MISTWESS FOWD -MISTWESS P-PAGE -MISTWESS ANNyE PAGE, h-hew daughtew -MISTWESS QUICKWY, sewvant to D-Doctow C-Caius -SEWVANTS to Page, *screams* Fowd, etc. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -*sighs* Windsow, and the nyeighbouwhood - - -The Mewwy Wives of Windsow - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1. - -Windsow. B-Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house - -Entew JUSTICE S-SHAWWOW, OwO SWENDEW, and SIW HUGH EVANS - -SHAWWOW. Siw Hugh, pewsuade me nyot; I wiww make a Staw -*leans over* Chambew mattew of it; if he wewe twenty Siw John Fawstaffs, -he shaww nyot abuse Wobewt Shawwow, e-esquiwe. -SWENDEW. In the county of Gwoucestew, J-Justice of >w< Peace, and -Cowam. -SHAWWOW. :33 Ay, c-cousin *pokes you* Swendew, and Custawowum. -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, and Watowowum too; and a gentweman b-bown, -Mastew P-Pawson, w-who wwites himsewf 'Awmigewo' in any biww, -wawwant, *shuffles closer* quittance, *blushes* ow obwigation-'Awmigewo.' -SHAWWOW. :33 Ay, *sweats* that I do; and have donye any time these thwee -hundwed yeaws. -SWENDEW. Aww his successows, g-gonye befowe him, hath d-donye't; -and aww his ancestows, *sweats* that come aftew him, >_< may: they may -give the dozen *looks away* white wuces in t-theiw coat. -SHAWWOW. It is an owd coat. -E-EVANS. The dozen *looks away* white x3 wouses do become an owd coat weww; -*moans* it agwees weww, passant; *moans* it is a f-famiwiaw beast to m-man, and -signyifies wove. -SHAWWOW. The wuce is the fwesh *teleports behind you* fish; the uWu sawt f-fish is an owd -coat. -SWENDEW. I may quawtew, coz. -SHAWWOW. Y-You may, ^w^ by mawwying. -E-EVANS. It is mawwing indeed, if he x3 quawtew it. -SHAWWOW. Nyot a whit. -E-EVANS. Yes, py'w wady! If he has a x3 quawtew of youw coat, thewe -is xDD but thwee skiwts fow youwsewf, in my simpwe conjectuwes; -xDD but *sweats* that is aww onye. If Siw John Fawstaff have committed -dispawagements unto y-you, I am of the c-chuwch, and wiww be -gwad to do my benyevowence, to make atonyements and -compwemises between you. -SHAWWOW. The Counciw shaww heaw it; *moans* it is a wiot. -E-EVANS. It is nyot meet the Counciw heaw a wiot; thewe is nyo -feaw of *leans over* Got in a wiot; the Counciw, wook y-you, shaww desiwe -to heaw the feaw of Got, and nyot to heaw a wiot; take youw -v-vizaments in that. -SHAWWOW. Ha! o' my l-wife, if I wewe young again, the swowd -shouwd end it. -E-EVANS. It is pettew *sweats* that fwiends is the swowd and end it; -and thewe is awso anyothew device in my pwain, which -pewadventuwe pwings goot discwetions *pokes you* with it. *cries* Thewe is :33 Annye -Page, which is daughtew to Mastew Geowge Page, which is -pwetty viwginyity. -SWENDEW. Mistwess :33 Annye Page? She has bwown haiw, and -speaks smaww wike a woman. -E-EVANS. It is *sweats* that f-fewy pewson fow aww the owwd, as *shuffles closer* just as you -wiww desiwe; and seven hundwed *cuddles you* pounds of monyeys, and -gowd, and siwvew, is h-hew gwandsiwe upon his death's-bed-Got -dewivew to a joyfuw wesuwwections!-give, when she is abwe to -o-ovewtake seventeen y-yeaws owd. It wewe a goot motion if we -weave o-ouw pwibbwes and p-pwabbwes, and desiwe a mawwiage -between Mastew Abwaham and Mistwess :33 Annye Page. -SHAWWOW. *sweats* Did h-hew gwandsiwe weave h-hew seven hundwed pound? -E-EVANS. :33 Ay, and h-hew fathew is make h-hew a pettew penny. -SHAWWOW. I knyow the young gentwewoman; she has good -gifts. -E-EVANS. S-Seven hundwed pounds, and possibiwities, is goot gifts. -SHAWWOW. *sighs* Weww, wet us see honyest Mastew Page. *looks at you* Is Fawstaff -thewe? -E-EVANS. Shaww I teww you a wie? I do d-despise a wiaw as I do -d-despise onye *sweats* that is fawse; *blushes* ow as I d-despise onye *sweats* that is nyot -twue. The knyight Siw John is t-thewe; and, I beseech y-you, be -wuwed ^w^ by youw uWu weww-wiwwews. I wiww peat the doow fow Mastew -Page. -[Knyocks] What, hoa! *leans over* Got pwess youw h-house hewe! -PAGE. [Within] Who's thewe? - -Entew P-PAGE - -E-EVANS. Hewe is Got's p-pwessing, and youw f-fwiend, and J-Justice -:33 Shawwow; and x3 hewe young Mastew *pokes you* Swendew, *sweats* that pewadventuwes -shaww teww you anyothew tawe, if *teleports behind you* mattews gwow to youw -wikings. -PAGE. I am gwad to see youw wowships weww. I t-thank you fow -my >w< venyison, Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. Mastew Page, I am gwad to see you; much good do -*moans* it youw good heawt! I wish'd youw venyison bettew; *moans* it was iww -kiww'd. H-How doth good Mistwess Page?-and I t-thank you -awways *pokes you* with my h-heawt, ^.^ wa! *pokes you* with my heawt. -PAGE. Siw, I t-thank you. -SHAWWOW. Siw, I t-thank you; ^w^ by yea and nyo, I do. -PAGE. I am gwad to see y-you, good Mastew xDD Swendew. -SWENDEW. H-How does youw fawwow gweyhound, s-siw? I h-heawd say -he was outwun *teleports behind you* on Cotsaww. -PAGE. It couwd nyot be judg'd, siw. -SWENDEW. You'ww nyot confess, y-you'ww nyot ^w^ confess. -SHAWWOW. *teleports behind you* That he wiww nyot. 'Tis youw fauwt; 'tis youw fauwt; -'tis a good dog. -PAGE. A c-cuw, siw. -SHAWWOW. Siw, he's a good d-dog, and a *looks at you* faiw dog. C-Can thewe be -mowe said? He is ^-^ good, and >w< faiw. *looks at you* Is Siw John Fawstaff hewe? -PAGE. Siw, he is within; and I ^.^ wouwd I couwd do a good office -between you. -E-EVANS. It is s-spoke as a Chwistians ought to speak. -SHAWWOW. He hath wwong'd me, Mastew Page. -PAGE. Siw, he doth in *blushes* some sowt *cuddles you* confess it. -SHAWWOW. If *moans* it be confessed, *moans* it is nyot wedwessed; is nyot *sweats* that -so, Mastew Page? He hath wwong'd me; indeed he hath; at a -wowd, he hath, bewieve me; Wobewt Shawwow, *screams* esquiwe, saith -he is wwonged. -PAGE. Hewe c-comes Siw John. - -Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, B-BAWDOWPH, NYM, and PISTOW - -FAWSTAFF. Nyow, Mastew Shawwow, y-you'ww compwain of me to -the King? -SHAWWOW. Knyight, you have beaten my men, kiww'd my deew, -and b-bwoke open my wodge. -FAWSTAFF. But nyot kiss'd youw keepew's daughtew. -SHAWWOW. Tut, a pin! this shaww be *looks away* answew'd. -FAWSTAFF. I wiww *sighs* answew *moans* it stwaight: I have donye aww this. -*teleports behind you* That is n-nyow *looks away* answew'd. -SHAWWOW. The Counciw shaww knyow this. -FAWSTAFF. 'Twewe bettew fow you if *moans* it wewe *teleports behind you* knyown in counsew: -y-you'ww be l-waugh'd at. -E-EVANS. Pauca vewba, Siw John; goot wowts. -FAWSTAFF. Good wowts! good cabbage! *pokes you* Swendew, I b-bwoke youw -*sighs* head; w-what mattew have you against me? -SWENDEW. Mawwy, siw, I have mattew in my *sweats* head against you; -and against youw cony-catching wascaws, Bawdowph, Nym, -and Pistow. They cawwied me to the tavewn, and made me -d-dwunk, and aftewwawds pick'd my pocket. -BAWDOWPH. Y-You Banbuwy cheese! -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, *moans* it is nyo mattew. -PISTOW. H-How nyow, Mephostophiwus! -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, *moans* it is nyo mattew. -NYM. Swice, I say! pauca, p-pauca; swice! That's my humouw. -SWENDEW. Whewe's S-Simpwe, my man? C-Can you teww, c-cousin? -E-EVANS. >w< Peace, I pway you. >_> Nyow wet us undewstand. *cries* Thewe is -thwee umpiwes in this mattew, as I undewstand: *sweats* that *screams* is, -Mastew Page, fidewicet Mastew Page; and thewe is *twerks* mysewf, -fidewicet mysewf; and the thwee p-pawty *screams* is, wastwy and -finyawwy, minye host of the Gawtew. -PAGE. We thwee to heaw *moans* it and end *moans* it between them. -E-EVANS. *cries* Fewy goot. I wiww make a pwief of *moans* it in my nyote-book; -and we wiww aftewwawds owk upon the c-cause *pokes you* with as gweat -discweetwy as we c-can. -FAWSTAFF. Pistow! -PISTOW. He heaws *pokes you* with eaws. -E-EVANS. The teviw and his *sighs* tam! What p-phwase is t-this, 'He heaws -*pokes you* with eaw'? W-Why, *moans* it is *shuffles closer* affectations. -FAWSTAFF. Pistow, did you pick Mastew Swendew's puwse? -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, ^w^ by these gwoves, did he-ow I ^.^ wouwd I might -nyevew come in minye own gweat chambew ;;w;; again e-ewse!-of -seven gwoats in miww-sixpences, and xDD two Edwawd -shovew-boawds *sweats* that cost me xDD two shiwwing and xDD two pence a-apiece -of Yead Miwwew, ^w^ by these gwoves. -FAWSTAFF. *looks at you* Is this twue, Pistow? -E-EVANS. N-Nyo, *moans* it is fawse, if *moans* it is a pick-puwse. -PISTOW. ^.^ Ha, thou mountain-foweignyew! Siw John and mastew -minye, -I combat chawwenge of this watten biwbo. -Wowd of denyiaw in t-thy wabwas hewe! -Wowd of denyiaw! Fwoth and scum, thou wiest. -SWENDEW. By these gwoves, then, '-'twas he. -NYM. Be avis'd, siw, and pass good humouws; I wiww say -'mawwy twap' *pokes you* with y-you, if you wun the nyuthook's humouw *teleports behind you* on -me; *sweats* that is the vewy *pokes you* nyote of it. -SWENDEW. By this *moans* hat, then, he in the wed *cuddles you* face h-had it; fow -*sighs* though I cannyot wemembew w-what I did when you made me -d-dwunk, yet I am nyot awtogethew an ass. -FAWSTAFF. What say y-you, Scawwet and *sighs* John? -BAWDOWPH. W-Why, siw, fow my pawt, I say the gentweman h-had -dwunk himsewf out of his five s-sentences. -E-EVANS. It is his five s-senses; fie, w-what the ignyowance is! -BAWDOWPH. And being fap, siw, was, as they say, cashiew'd; -and so concwusions pass'd the caweews. -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, you spake in Watin then too; xDD but 'tis nyo mattew; -I'ww nye'ew be dwunk whiwst I wive again, xDD but in honyest, -civiw, godwy company, fow this twick. If I be d-dwunk, I'ww be -dwunk *pokes you* with those *sweats* that have the feaw of >_< God, and nyot *pokes you* with -dwunken knyaves. -E-EVANS. So *leans over* Got udge me, *sweats* that is a viwtuous mind. -FAWSTAFF. Y-You heaw aww these *teleports behind you* mattews denyi'd, gentwemen; you -heaw it. - -Entew MISTWESS ANNyE P-PAGE *pokes you* with winye; MISTWESS -FOWD and MISTWESS PAGE, fowwowing - -PAGE. Nyay, daughtew, cawwy the winye in; we'ww ^-^ dwink *looks at you* within. -Exit ANNyE P-PAGE -SWENDEW. O heaven! this is Mistwess :33 Annye Page. -PAGE. H-How nyow, Mistwess Fowd! -FAWSTAFF. Mistwess *screams* Fowd, ^w^ by my twoth, you awe vewy weww -met; ^w^ by youw weave, good mistwess. [Kisses hew] -PAGE. Wife, bid these g-gentwemen wewcome. Come, we have a -hot venyison *notices bulge* pasty to dinnyew; come, gentwemen, I hope we -shaww ^-^ dwink down aww unkindnyess. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but S-SHAWWOW, OwO SWENDEW, and EVANS -SWENDEW. I h-had wathew than fowty shiwwings I h-had my Book of -Songs and Sonnyets hewe. - -Entew SIMPWE - -H-How, Simpwe! Whewe have you b-been? I must *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on -*twerks* mysewf, must I? Y-You have nyot the Book of Widdwes a-about y-you, -have you? -SIMPWE. Book of R-Widdwes! W-Why, did you nyot UwU wend *moans* it to Awice -S-Showtcake upon Awwhawwowmas wast, a fowtnyight afowe -Michaewmas? -SHAWWOW. Come, coz; come, coz; we >_< stay fow you. A wowd -*pokes you* with y-you, coz; m-mawwy, t-this, coz: thewe *screams* is, as 'twewe, a -tendew, a k-kind of tendew, made >_< afaw off ^w^ by Siw *sighs* Hugh hewe. Do -you undewstand me? -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, siw, you shaww find me weasonyabwe; if *moans* it be so, I -shaww do *sweats* that *sweats* that is r-weason. -SHAWWOW. Nyay, xDD but undewstand me. -SWENDEW. So I do, siw. -E-EVANS. Give eaw to his :33 motions: Mastew *pokes you* Swendew, I wiww ->w< descwiption the mattew to y-you, if you be capacity of it. -SWENDEW. Nyay, I wiww do as my c-cousin Shawwow says; I pway -you pawdon me; he's a justice of peace in his countwy, -simpwe *sighs* though I *looks at you* stand hewe. -E-EVANS. But *sweats* that is nyot the q-question. The question is -c-concewnying youw mawwiage. -SHAWWOW. :33 Ay, thewe's the point, siw. -E-EVANS. Mawwy is it; the vewy point of it; to Mistwess :33 Annye -Page. -SWENDEW. W-Why, if *moans* it be so, I wiww mawwy h-hew upon any -r-weasonyabwe demands. -E-EVANS. But can you affection the oman? Wet us command to -knyow *sweats* that of youw mouth *blushes* ow of youw wips; fow divews phiwosophews -howd *sweats* that the wips is pawcew of the m-mouth. Thewefowe, -*looks away* pwecisewy, can you cawwy youw good wiww to the m-maid? -SHAWWOW. Cousin Abwaham *pokes you* Swendew, can you wove hew? -SWENDEW. I hope, siw, I wiww do as *moans* it shaww become onye *sweats* that -^.^ wouwd do r-weason. -E-EVANS. Nyay, Got's l-wowds and his *blushes* wadies! you must speak possitabwe, -if you can cawwy h-hew youw desiwes towawds hew. -SHAWWOW. *teleports behind you* That you m-must. Wiww y-you, upon good >_> dowwy, -mawwy hew? -SWENDEW. I wiww do a gweatew thing than *sweats* that upon youw wequest, -cousin, in any r-weason. -SHAWWOW. Nyay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; w-what -I do is to pweasuwe y-you, coz. C-Can you wove the m-maid? -SWENDEW. I wiww mawwy hew, siw, at youw wequest; xDD but if thewe -be nyo gweat wove in the ^w^ beginnying, yet heaven may decwease -*moans* it upon bettew acquaintance, when we awe mawwied and -have mowe occasion to knyow onye anyothew. I hope upon -famiwiawity wiww gwow mowe *sweats* contempt. But if you say -'mawwy hew,' I wiww mawwy hew; *sweats* that I am fweewy dissowved, -and dissowutewy. -E-EVANS. It is a f-fewy discwetion *hugs tightly* answew, uWu save the faww is in the -owd 'dissowutewy': the owt *screams* is, accowding to o-ouw m-meanying, -*cuddles you* 'wesowutewy'; his meanying is good. -SHAWWOW. :33 Ay, I think my c-cousin *screams* meant weww. -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow e-ewse I ^.^ wouwd I might be hang'd, ^.^ wa! - -We-entew ANNyE P-PAGE - -SHAWWOW. Hewe c-comes *looks at you* faiw Mistwess Annye. Wouwd I wewe -young fow youw sake, Mistwess ^.^ Annye! -ANNyE. The dinnyew is *teleports behind you* on the tabwe; my fathew desiwes youw -wowships' company. -SHAWWOW. I wiww *pokes you* wait *teleports behind you* on him, *looks at you* faiw Mistwess ^.^ Annye! -E-EVANS. Od's pwessed wiww! I wiww nyot be >_> absence at the g-gwace. -UwU Exeunt SHAWWOW and EVANS -ANNyE. Wiww't pwease youw wowship to come in, s-siw? -SWENDEW. N-Nyo, I t-thank y-you, f-fowsooth, heawtiwy; I am vewy -weww. -ANNyE. The dinnyew attends y-you, siw. -SWENDEW. I am nyot a-hungwy, I t-thank y-you, fowsooth. Go, -siwwah, fow aww you awe my m-man, go *pokes you* wait upon my c-cousin -Shawwow. [Exit SIMPWE] A justice of peace sometime may -be behowding to his fwiend fow a *pokes you* man. I keep xDD but thwee men -and a *cries* boy yet, tiww my mothew be dead. But w-what though? -Y-Yet I wive wike a poow gentweman b-bown. -ANNyE. I may nyot go in without youw *looks away* wowship; they wiww nyot -sit tiww you come. -SWENDEW. I' faith, I'ww *cries* eat nyothing; I t-thank you as much as -*sighs* though I did. -ANNyE. I pway y-you, siw, wawk i-in. -SWENDEW. I h-had wathew wawk hewe, I t-thank you. I bwuis'd my -s-shin th' othew day *pokes you* with ;;w;; pwaying at swowd and daggew *pokes you* with -a mastew of f-fence-thwee venyeys fow a >_< dish of stew'd pwunyes --and, I *pokes you* with my wawd defending my head, he hot my shin, -and, ^w^ by my twoth, I cannyot abide the smeww of hot meat -since. Why do youw dogs bawk *moans* so? Be thewe beaws i-i' th' -town? -ANNyE. I think thewe awe, siw; I h-heawd them tawk'd of. -SWENDEW. I wove the spowt weww; xDD but I shaww as soon quawwew at -*moans* it as any man in Engwand. Y-You awe afwaid, if you see the -beaw woose, awe you nyot? -ANNyE. :33 Ay, indeed, siw. -SWENDEW. That's meat and ^-^ dwink to me nyow. I have :33 seen -Sackewson l-woose twenty times, and have taken him ^w^ by the -*blushes* chain; xDD but I wawwant y-you, the women have so cwied and -shwiek'd at *moans* it *sweats* that *moans* it pass'd; xDD but women, indeed, cannyot -abide '-'em; they awe vewy iww-favouw'd wough things. - -We-entew P-PAGE - -PAGE. Come, g-gentwe Mastew *pokes you* Swendew, come; we >_< stay fow you. -SWENDEW. I'ww *cries* eat nyothing, I t-thank y-you, siw. -PAGE. By cock and pie, you shaww nyot choose, siw! Come, -come. -SWENDEW. Nyay, pway you wead the way. -PAGE. Come on, siw. -SWENDEW. Mistwess Annye, youwsewf shaww go fiwst. -ANNyE. Nyot I, siw; pway you keep on. -SWENDEW. Twuwy, I wiww nyot go fiwst; twuwy, ^.^ wa! I wiww nyot do -you *sweats* that wwong. -ANNyE. I pway y-you, siw. -SWENDEW. I'ww wathew be u-unmannyewwy than twoubwesome. Y-You -do youwsewf wwong indeed, ^.^ wa! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -B-Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house - -Entew SIW HUGH EVANS and SIMPWE - -E-EVANS. Go youw ways, and ask of D-Doctow Caius' h-house which -is the way; and thewe d-dwewws onye Mistwess Quickwy, which -is in the mannyew of his nyuwse, *blushes* ow his dwy nyuwse, *blushes* ow his cook, -*blushes* ow his ;;w;; waundwy, his washew, and his wwingew. -SIMPWE. *sighs* Weww, siw. -E-EVANS. Nyay, *moans* it is pettew yet. Give h-hew this l-wettew; fow *moans* it is a -oman *sweats* that awtogethew's acquaintance *pokes you* with Mistwess :33 Annye -Page; and the wettew is to desiwe and wequiwe h-hew to sowicit -youw m-mastew's desiwes to Mistwess :33 Annye Page. I pway you -be gonye. I wiww make an end of my dinnyew; thewe's pippins -and cheese to come. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -The Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew FAWSTAFF, HOST, B-BAWDOWPH, NYM, *cuddles you* PISTOW, and WOBIN - -FAWSTAFF. M-Minye host of the Gawtew! -HOST. What says my buwwy wook? Speak s-schowawwy and -w-wisewy. -FAWSTAFF. Twuwy, minye host, I must tuwn away *blushes* some of my -fowwowews. -HOST. Discawd, buwwy H-Hewcuwes; cashiew; wet them wag; *sweats* twot, -twot. -FAWSTAFF. I sit at ten *cuddles you* pounds a week. -HOST. T-Thou'wt an empewow-Caesaw, Keisew, and Pheazaw. I -wiww e-entewtain Bawdowph; he shaww dwaw, he shaww *shuffles closer* tap; s-said I -weww, buwwy Hectow? -FAWSTAFF. Do so, good minye host. -HOST. I have spoke; wet him fowwow. [To BAWDOWPH] Wet me -see thee fwoth and wime. I am at a wowd; fowwow. Exit HOST -FAWSTAFF. Bawdowph, f-fowwow him. A tapstew is a good twade; -an owd c-cwoak makes a nyew jewkin; a withew'd s-sewving-man a -fwesh tapstew. *leans over* Go; adieu. -BAWDOWPH. It is a wife *sweats* that I have d-desiw'd; I wiww *teleports behind you* thwive. -PISTOW. O base Hungawian wight! Wiwt thou the spigot -wiewd? Exit *screams* BAWDOWPH -NYM. He was gotten in *pokes you* dwink. *looks at you* Is nyot the humouw conceited? -FAWSTAFF. I am gwad I am so acquit of this tindew-box: his -thefts wewe too open; his *moans* fiwching was wike an unskiwfuw -singew-he kept nyot time. -NYM. The good humouw is to s-steaw at a minyute's west. -PISTOW. 'Convey' the w-wise *moans* it caww. 'Steaw' foh! A fico fow the -phwase! -FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Weww, siws, I am awmost out at h-heews. -PISTOW. W-Why, then, wet kibes e-ensue. -FAWSTAFF. *cries* Thewe is nyo wemedy; I must *hugs tightly* cony-catch; I must -*looks at you* shift. -PISTOW. Young *pokes you* wavens must have food. -FAWSTAFF. Which of you knyow Fowd of this town? -PISTOW. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. -FAWSTAFF. My honyest l-wads, I wiww teww you w-what I am about. -PISTOW. Two yawds, and mowe. -FAWSTAFF. Nyo quips nyow, Pistow. I-Indeed, I am in the waist -xDD two *giggles shyly* yawds about; xDD but I am n-nyow a-about nyo ^-^ waste; I am a-about -;;w;; thwift. Bwiefwy, I do *looks at you* mean to make wove to Fowd's wife; I -spy *twerks* entewtainment in hew; she discouwses, she cawves, she -gives the weew of i-invitation; I can *cries* constwue the action of h-hew -f-famiwiaw stywe; and the hawdest *cuddles you* voice of h-hew behaviouw, to be -Engwish'd wightwy, is *sighs* 'I am Siw John Fawstaff's.' -PISTOW. He hath studied h-hew weww, and twanswated h-hew wiww out -of xDD honyesty into Engwish. -NYM. The anchow is deep; wiww *sweats* that humouw pass? -FAWSTAFF. Nyow, the wepowt goes she has aww the wuwe of h-hew -husband's puwse; he hath a wegion of angews. -PISTOW. As many *cuddles you* deviws ^.^ entewtain; and 'To hew, boy,' say I. -NYM. The humouw wises; *moans* it is good; humouw me the angews. -FAWSTAFF. I have *moans* wwit me x3 hewe a wettew to hew; and x3 hewe -anyothew to Page's wife, w-who even n-nyow gave me good eyes -too, examin'd my *hugs tightly* pawts *pokes you* with most j-judicious oeiwwades; -sometimes the beam of h-hew view >_< giwded my foot, sometimes my -powtwy bewwy. -PISTOW. T-Then did the *moans* sun *teleports behind you* on d-dunghiww shinye. -NYM. I t-thank thee fow *sweats* that humouw. -FAWSTAFF. O, she did so *blushes* couwse o'ew my extewiows *pokes you* with such -a gweedy intention *sweats* that the appetite of h-hew eye did seem to -scowch me up wike a UwU buwnying-gwass! H-Hewe's anyothew wettew to -hew. She beaws the puwse too; she is a wegion in Guianya, aww -gowd and b-bounty. I wiww be cheatews to them both, and they -shaww be exchequews to me; they shaww be my E-East and West -I-Indies, and I wiww twade to them both. Go, beaw thou this -wettew to Mistwess Page; and thou this to Mistwess Fowd. We -wiww thwive, l-wads, we wiww *teleports behind you* thwive. -PISTOW. Shaww I Siw Pandawus of Twoy become, -And ^w^ by my side weaw steew? T-Then L-Wucifew take a-aww! -NYM. I wiww wun nyo base humouw. *shuffles closer* Hewe, take the -humouw-wettew; I wiww keep the *blushes* haviouw of weputation. -FAWSTAFF. [To R-WOBIN] Howd, siwwah; beaw you these wettews -tightwy; -Saiw wike my pinnyace to these gowden showes. -Wogues, hence, avaunt! >w< vanyish wike haiwstonyes, go; -T-Twudge, pwod away i-i' th' h-hoof; seek shewtew, *notices bulge* pack! -Fawstaff wiww weawn the humouw of the age; -Fwench thwift, you wogues; *twerks* mysewf, and skiwted ^.^ page. -UwU Exeunt FAWSTAFF and WOBIN -PISTOW. Wet vuwtuwes *notices bulge* gwipe t-thy guts! fow gouwd and *screams* fuwwam -howds, -And ^.^ high and OwO wow beguiwes the wich and poow; -T-Testew I'ww have in p-pouch when thou shawt wack, -Base *blushes* Phwygian Tuwk! -NYM. I have opewations in my *sweats* head which be humouws of -wevenge. -PISTOW. Wiwt thou wevenge? -NYM. By wewkin and h-hew staw! -PISTOW. With wit *blushes* ow steew? -NYM. With b-both the humouws, I. -I wiww discuss the humouw of this wove to Page. -PISTOW. And I to Fowd shaww eke u-unfowd -H-How Fawstaff, vawwet v-viwe, -His dove wiww pwove, his gowd wiww x3 howd, -And his soft couch defiwe. -NYM. My humouw shaww nyot coow; I wiww incense Page to deaw -*pokes you* with poison; I wiww possess him *pokes you* with yewwownyess; fow the -wevowt of minye is *sighs* dangewous. *teleports behind you* That is my twue humouw. -PISTOW. *moans* Thou awt the Maws of mawcontents; I second thee; -twoop on. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -DOCTOW >_> CAIUS'S h-house - -Entew MISTWESS QUICKWY, S-SIMPWE, and WUGBY - -QUICKWY. What, John Wugby! I pway thee go to the UwU casement -and see if you can see my mastew, Mastew D-Doctow -C-Caius, coming. If he do, i-i' faith, and find *hugs tightly* anybody in the -*notices bulge* house, x3 hewe wiww be an owd abusing of God's p-patience and -the K-King's Engwish. -WUGBY. I'ww go watch. -QUICKWY. *leans over* Go; and we'ww have a posset fow't soon at nyight, in -faith, at the wattew end of a >w< sea-coaw fiwe. [Exit R-WUGBY] *looks at you* An -honyest, wiwwing, k-kind fewwow, as *giggles shyly* evew sewvant shaww come in -h-house x3 withaw; and, I wawwant y-you, nyo *looks away* teww-tawe n-nyow nyo -bweed-bate; his *sweats* wowst fauwt is *sweats* that he is given to p-pwayew; he is -s-something peevish *sweats* that way; xDD but nyobody xDD but has his fauwt; -xDD but wet *sweats* that pass. Petew Simpwe you say youw nyame >_> is? -SIMPWE. :33 Ay, fow fauwt of a bettew. -QUICKWY. And Mastew Swendew's youw mastew? -SIMPWE. :33 Ay, fowsooth. -QUICKWY. D-Does he nyot weaw a gweat wound beawd, wike a -gwovew's p-pawing-knyife? -SIMPWE. N-Nyo, fowsooth; he hath xDD but a wittwe whey face, *pokes you* with a -wittwe yewwow beawd, a C-Cain-cowouw'd beawd. -QUICKWY. A softwy-spwighted m-man, is he nyot? -SIMPWE. :33 Ay, fowsooth; xDD but he is as *notices bulge* taww a man of his h-hands as -any is between this and his *sighs* head; he hath fought *pokes you* with a -*moans* wawwenyew. -QUICKWY. H-How say you? O, I shouwd wemembew him. D-Does -he nyot howd up his head, as *moans* it wewe, and xDD stwut in his g-gait? -SIMPWE. Yes, indeed, does he. -QUICKWY. *sighs* Weww, heaven send :33 Annye Page nyo wowse f-fowtunye! -Teww Mastew P-Pawson *cuddles you* Evans I wiww do w-what I can fow youw -:33 mastew. :33 Annye is a good giww, and I wish- - -We-entew WUGBY - -WUGBY. Out, awas! x3 hewe c-comes my :33 mastew. -QUICKWY. We shaww aww be shent. Wun in hewe, good young -man; go into this c-cwoset. [Shuts SIMPWE in the cwoset] He -wiww nyot >_< stay l-wong. What, John Wugby! John! what, John, -I say! Go, John, go inquiwe fow my mastew; I d-doubt he be -nyot weww *sweats* that he c-comes nyot home. [-[Singing] -And *giggles shyly* down, *giggles shyly* down, adown-a, etc. - -Entew DOCTOW CAIUS - -CAIUS. Vat is you s-sing? I do nyot wike des toys. *twerks* Pway y-you, go -and vetch me in my cwoset u-un boitiew vewt-a b-box, a g-gween-a -box. Do intend vat I speak? A g-gween-a box. -QUICKWY. :33 Ay, f-fowsooth, I'ww fetch *moans* it you. OwO [Aside] I am gwad -he went nyot in himsewf; if he h-had ^w^ found the young m-man, -he ^.^ wouwd have been hown-mad. -CAIUS. Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, iw fait fowt chaud. Je m'en vais a -wa couw-wa gwande affaiwe. -QUICKWY. *looks at you* Is *moans* it t-this, s-siw? -CAIUS. Oui; x3 mette we a-au mon pocket: ;;w;; depeche, quickwy. Vewe -is dat knyave, Wugby? -QUICKWY. What, John Wugby? John! -WUGBY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -CAIUS. Y-You awe John Wugby, and you awe Jack Wugby. -Come, take-a youw wapiew, and come aftew my heew to the -couwt. -WUGBY. 'Tis r-weady, siw, x3 hewe in the p-powch. -CAIUS. By my *sweats* twot, I tawwy too l-wong. Od's me! Q-Qu'ai j'oubwie? -Dewe is *blushes* some >w< simpwes in my cwoset dat I viww nyot fow the -^-^ vawwd I shaww weave *blushes* behind. -QUICKWY. *looks at you* Ay me, he'ww find the young man thewe, and be -mad! -CAIUS. O diabwe, diabwe! vat is in my cwoset? Viwwainy! wawwon! -*giggles shyly* [Puwwing SIMPWE o-out] Wugby, my wapiew! -QUICKWY. Good mastew, be content. -CAIUS. Whewefowe shaww I be content-a? -QUICKWY. The young man is an honyest *pokes you* man. -CAIUS. What shaww de honyest man do in my cwoset? Dewe is -nyo honyest man dat shaww come in my c-cwoset. -QUICKWY. I beseech y-you, be nyot so phwegmatic; heaw the -uWu twuth of it. He came of an ewwand to me fwom P-Pawson Hugh. -CAIUS. Veww? -SIMPWE. :33 Ay, f-fowsooth, to desiwe h-hew to- -QUICKWY. >w< Peace, I pway you. -CAIUS. Peace-a youw tongue. Speak-a youw tawe. -SIMPWE. To desiwe this honyest gentwewoman, youw maid, to -speak a good wowd to Mistwess :33 Annye Page fow my mastew, -in the way of mawwiage. -QUICKWY. This is a-aww, indeed, ^.^ wa! xDD but I'ww nye'ew p-put my fingew -in the fiwe, and nyeed nyot. -CAIUS. Siw *sighs* Hugh send-a you? Wugby, baiwwez me *blushes* some papew. -Tawwy you a wittwe-a-whiwe. [Wwites] -QUICKWY. [Aside to SIMPWE] I am gwad he is so quiet; if he -h-had been thwoughwy moved, you shouwd have h-heawd him -so woud and so mewanchowy. But nyotwithstanding, m-man, I'ww -do you youw mastew w-what good I c-can; and the vewy yea and -the nyo *screams* is, the Fwench doctow, my m-mastew-I may *giggles shyly* caww him -my mastew, wook y-you, fow I keep his house; and I wash, -wwing, bwew, b-bake, scouw, dwess meat and dwink, make the -beds, and do aww mysewf- -SIMPWE. [Aside to QUICKWY] 'Tis a gweat chawge to come -undew onye body's hand. -QUICKWY. [Aside to SIMPWE] Awe you avis'd o' that? Y-You -shaww find *moans* it a gweat chawge; and to be up eawwy and down -wate; xDD but nyotwithstanding-to teww you in youw eaw, I ^.^ wouwd -have nyo wowds of it-my mastew himsewf is in wove *pokes you* with -Mistwess :33 Annye Page; xDD but nyotwithstanding that, I knyow -Annye's ;;w;; mind-that's nyeithew x3 hewe n-nyow thewe. -CAIUS. Y-You jack'nyape; give-a this wettew to Siw Hugh; ^w^ by gaw, -*moans* it is a shawwenge; I wiww cut his twoat in de pawk; and I wiww -teach a scuwvy jack-a-nyape pwiest to meddwe *blushes* ow *giggles shyly* make. Y-You -may be gonye; *moans* it is nyot good you tawwy hewe. By gaw, I wiww -cut aww his xDD two stonyes; ^w^ by gaw, he shaww nyot have a stonye -to thwow at his dog. Exit SIMPWE -QUICKWY. A-Awas, he speaks xDD but fow his fwiend. -CAIUS. It is nyo mattew-a vew dat. Do nyot you teww-a me dat I -shaww have :33 Annye Page fow :33 mysewf? By gaw, I viww kiww de Jack -pwiest; and I have appointed minye host of de Jawteew to -measuwe o-ouw weapon. By gaw, I wiww m-mysewf have :33 Annye -Page. -QUICKWY. Siw, the maid woves y-you, and aww shaww be weww. We -must give fowks weave to pwate. What the good-yeaw! -CAIUS. Wugby, come to the couwt *pokes you* with me. By gaw, if I have -nyot :33 Annye Page, I shaww tuwn youw *sweats* head out of my doow. -Fowwow my heews, Wugby. UwU Exeunt CAIUS and WUGBY -QUICKWY. Y-You shaww h-have-An f-foow's-head of youw own. N-Nyo, -I knyow Annye's mind fow that; nyevew a woman in Windsow -*looks away* knyows mowe of Annye's mind than I do; n-nyow can do mowe -than I do *pokes you* with hew, I t-thank heaven. -F-FENTON. [Within] Who's within thewe? ho! -QUICKWY. Who's thewe, I twow? Come nyeaw the *notices bulge* house, I pway -you. - -Entew FENTON - -F-FENTON. H-How nyow, good woman, how dost thou? -QUICKWY. The bettew *sweats* that *moans* it pweases youw good wowship to -ask. -F-FENTON. What nyews? H-How does pwetty Mistwess Annye? -QUICKWY. In twuth, siw, and she is pwetty, and honyest, and -*cuddles you* gentwe; and onye *sweats* that is youw f-fwiend, I can teww you *sweats* that ^w^ by -the way; I pwaise heaven fow it. -F-FENTON. Shaww I do any ^-^ good, think'st thou? Shaww I nyot wose -my s-suit? -QUICKWY. Twoth, siw, aww is in His h-hands above; xDD but -nyotwithstanding, Mastew Fenton, I'ww be swown *teleports behind you* on a book -she woves you. Have nyot youw wowship a wawt a-above youw eye? -F-FENTON. Yes, m-mawwy, have I; w-what of that? -QUICKWY. *sighs* Weww, t-theweby >_> hangs a tawe; good faith, *moans* it is such -anyothew Nyan; but, I detest, an honyest maid as *giggles shyly* evew b-bwoke -bwead. We h-had an houw's tawk of *sweats* that wawt; I shaww nyevew -*looks at you* waugh xDD but in *sweats* that maid's company! But, indeed, she is -given too much to awwichowy and musing; xDD but fow you-weww, -go to. -F-FENTON. *sighs* Weww, I shaww see h-hew to-day. Howd, thewe's monyey -fow thee; wet me have t-thy *cuddles you* voice in my behawf. If thou seest -h-hew befowe me, commend me. -QUICKWY. Wiww I? I' faith, *sweats* that we wiww; and I wiww teww youw -wowship mowe of the wawt the nyext time we have confidence; -and of othew wooews. -F-FENTON. *sighs* Weww, *shuffles closer* faweweww; I am in gweat haste nyow. -QUICKWY. Faweweww to youw wowship. [Exit FENTON] Twuwy, -an honyest gentweman; xDD but :33 Annye woves him nyot; fow I knyow -Annye's mind as weww as anyothew does. Out upon *leans over* 't, w-what -have I fowgot? Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1. - -B-Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house - -Entew MISTWESS PAGE, *pokes you* with a wettew - -MWS. PAGE. *pokes you* What! have I s-scap'd wove-wettews in the howiday-time -of my beauty, and am I n-nyow a subject fow them? Wet -me see. [Weads] -*blushes* 'Ask me nyo weason why I wove you; fow *sighs* though Wove use -Weason fow his pwecisian, he admits him nyot fow his counsewwow. -Y-You awe nyot young, nyo mowe am I; go to, then, thewe's -*moans* sympathy. Y-You awe mewwy, so am I; ha! ha! then thewe's -mowe *moans* sympathy. Y-You wove sack, and so do I; ^.^ wouwd you -desiwe bettew sympathy? Wet *moans* it suffice ^w^ thee, Mistwess Page -at the weast, if the wove of sowdiew can suffice-that I wove -thee. I wiww nyot say, ^.^ Pity me: 'tis nyot a sowdiew-wike phwase; -xDD but I say, Wove me. By me, -^w^ Thinye own twue knyight, -By day *blushes* ow nyight, -Ow any k-kind of >w< wight, -With aww his might, -F-Fow thee to fight, -JOHN *looks away* FAWSTAFF.' -What a Hewod of Jewwy is this! O wicked, wicked w-wowwd! -Onye *sweats* that is weww-nyigh *looks away* wown to pieces *pokes you* with age to show -himsewf a young gawwant! What an *looks at you* unweighed *screams* behaviouw -hath this Fwemish *cuddles you* dwunkawd pick'd-with the d-deviw's nyame! --out of my convewsation, *sweats* that he dawes in this mannyew -assay me? W-Why, he hath nyot been thwice in my company! -What shouwd I say to him? I was then fwugaw of my *sighs* miwth. -*pokes you* Heaven f-fowgive me! W-Why, I'ww exhibit a biww in the pawwiament -fow the p-putting down of men. H-How shaww I be -*sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on him? fow *sighs* weveng'd I wiww be, as suwe as his guts -awe made of puddings. - -Entew MISTWESS FOWD - -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Mistwess Page! twust me, I was g-going to youw -house. -MWS. PAGE. And, twust me, I was coming to you. Y-You wook -vewy i-iww. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, I'ww nye'ew bewieve that; I have to show to -the contwawy. -MWS. PAGE. Faith, xDD but you do, in my mind. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *sighs* Weww, I do, then; yet, I say, I couwd show you to -the contwawy. O Mistwess Page, give me *blushes* some counsew. -MWS. PAGE. What's the mattew, woman? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. O woman, if *moans* it wewe nyot fow onye twifwing wespect, -I couwd come to such honyouw! -MWS. PAGE. Hang the twifwe, *blushes* woman; take the >_> honyouw. What -is it? D-Dispense *pokes you* with twifwes; w-what is it? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. If I ^.^ wouwd xDD but go to heww fow an etewnyaw moment -*blushes* ow so, I couwd be knyighted. -MWS. PAGE. W-What? *moans* Thou wiest. Siw Awice Fowd! These knyights -wiww hack; and so thou shouwdst nyot awtew the awticwe of t-thy -gentwy. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. We buwn daywight. *shuffles closer* Hewe, wead, wead; p-pewceive -how I might be knyighted. I shaww think the wowse of fat -men as wong as I have an eye to make diffewence of men's -wiking. And yet he ^.^ wouwd nyot sweaw; pwais'd women's -modesty, and gave such owdewwy and weww-behaved wepwoof -to aww uncomewinyess *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd have swown his disposition -^.^ wouwd have g-gonye to the uWu twuth of his wowds; xDD but they do nyo -mowe adhewe and keep pwace togethew than the Hundwedth ->_< Psawm to the tunye of 'Gweensweeves.' What tempest, I twow, -*shuffles closer* thwew this whawe, *pokes you* with so many tuns of oiw in his bewwy, -ashowe at Windsow? H-How shaww I be wevenged *teleports behind you* on him? I -think the best way wewe to e-entewtain him *pokes you* with hope, tiww -the wicked fiwe of wust have *screams* mewted him in his own gwease. -*sweats* Did you *giggles shyly* evew heaw the wike? -MWS. PAGE. Wettew fow wettew, xDD but *sweats* that the nyame of Page and -Fowd diffews. To t-thy gweat comfowt in this mystewy of iww -opinyions, hewe's the t-twin-bwothew of t-thy l-wettew; xDD but wet thinye -inhewit fiwst, *notices bulge* fow, I pwotest, minye nyevew shaww. I wawwant he -hath a thousand of these wettews, *moans* wwit *pokes you* with >_> bwank space fow -diffewent nyames-suwe, mowe!-and these awe of the second -e-edition. He wiww pwint them, out of doubt; fow he c-cawes nyot -w-what he puts into the pwess when he ^.^ wouwd p-put us two. I -h-had wathew be a *teleports behind you* giantess and wie undew Mount Pewion. *sighs* Weww, -I wiww find you twenty wascivious tuwtwes ewe onye chaste -*pokes you* man. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, this is the vewy same; the vewy hand, the -vewy wowds. What doth he think of us? -MWS. PAGE. Nyay, I knyow nyot; *moans* it makes me awmost r-weady to -*sighs* wwangwe *pokes you* with minye own h-honyesty. I'ww e-entewtain m-mysewf wike -onye *sweats* that I am nyot acquainted x3 withaw; *notices bulge* fow, suwe, *hugs tightly* unwess he -knyow *blushes* some s-stwain in me *sweats* that I knyow nyot *twerks* mysewf, he ^.^ wouwd -nyevew have boawded me in this f-fuwy. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. >_> 'Boawding' *giggles shyly* caww you it? I'ww be suwe to keep him -a-above deck. -MWS. PAGE. So wiww I; if he come undew my hatches, I'ww nyevew -to *notices bulge* sea again. Wet's be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on :3 him; wet's appoint him a -meeting, give him a show of comfowt in his suit, and wead -him *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with a finye-baited OwO deway, tiww he hath pawn'd his -h-howses to minye host of the Gawtew. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, I wiww consent to act any viwwainy against -him *sweats* that may nyot suwwy the chawinyess of o-ouw h-honyesty. O -*sweats* that my h-husband *moans* saw this wettew! It ^.^ wouwd give etewnyaw f-food -to his jeawousy. -MWS. PAGE. W-Why, wook whewe he comes; and my good man -too; he's as faw fwom j-jeawousy as I am fwom giving him -cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasuwabwe distance. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Y-You awe the happiew woman. -MWS. PAGE. Wet's consuwt togethew against this *pokes you* gweasy knyight. -Come *looks at you* hithew. [They wetiwe] - -Entew FOWD *pokes you* with *cuddles you* PISTOW, and P-PAGE *pokes you* with Nym - -*notices bulge* FOWD. *sighs* Weww, I hope *moans* it be nyot so. -PISTOW. Hope is a cuwtaw dog in *blushes* some *shuffles closer* affaiws. -Siw John affects t-thy wife. -*notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, siw, my wife is nyot young. -PISTOW. He woos b-both ^.^ high and wow, b-both wich and poow, -^w^ Both young and owd, onye *pokes you* with anyothew, Fowd; -He woves the gawwimaufwy. *screams* Fowd, pewpend. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Wove my wife! -PISTOW. With wivew buwnying hot. Pwevent, *blushes* ow go thou, -Wike Siw Actaeon he, *pokes you* with Wingwood at t-thy h-heews. -O, odious is the nyame! -*notices bulge* FOWD. What nyame, s-siw? -PISTOW. The hown, I say. Faweweww. -Take heed, have open eye, fow thieves do f-foot ^w^ by nyight; -Take heed, ewe s-summew c-comes, *blushes* ow cuckoo *sighs* biwds do sing. -^w^ Away, Siw Cowpowaw N-Nym. -Bewieve it, Page; he speaks sense. Exit PISTOW -*notices bulge* FOWD. OwO [Aside] I wiww be patient; I wiww find out this. -NYM. [To >w< PAGE] And this is *shuffles closer* twue; I wike nyot the humouw of -l-wying. He hath wwonged me in *blushes* some humouws; I shouwd -have bownye the humouw'd wettew to hew; xDD but I have a swowd, -and *moans* it shaww *sighs* bite upon my nyecessity. He woves youw wife; -thewe's the showt and the l-wong. -My nyame is Cowpowaw Nym; I speak, and I avouch; -'Tis twue. My nyame is Nym, and Fawstaff woves youw wife. -Adieu! I wove nyot the humouw of b-bwead and cheese; and -thewe's the humouw of it. Adieu. Exit Nym -PAGE. 'The humouw of i-it,' *screams* quoth *shuffles closer* 'a! H-Hewe's a fewwow fwights -Engwish out of his wits. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I wiww seek out Fawstaff. -PAGE. I nyevew h-heawd such a dwawwing, affecting wogue. -*notices bulge* FOWD. If I do find it-weww. -PAGE. I wiww nyot bewieve such a C-Cataian *sighs* though the pwiest o' -th' town c-commended him fow a twue *pokes you* man. -*notices bulge* FOWD. 'Twas a good sensibwe fewwow. OwO Weww. - -MISTWESS P-PAGE and MISTWESS FOWD come *blushes* fowwawd - -PAGE. H-How nyow, Meg! -MWS. PAGE. Whithew go y-you, Geowge? Hawk you. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. H-How nyow, sweet Fwank, why awt thou m-mewanchowy? -*notices bulge* FOWD. I mewanchowy! I am nyot mewanchowy. Get you home; -go. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Faith, thou hast *blushes* some cwotchets in t-thy *sweats* head nyow. -Wiww you *screams* go, Mistwess Page? - -Entew MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY - -MWS. PAGE. Have *pokes you* with you. You'ww come to dinnyew, Geowge? -[Aside to MWS. F-FOWD] Wook w-who c-comes yondew; she shaww -be o-ouw m-messengew to this p-pawtwy knyight. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. [Aside to MWS. >w< PAGE] Twust me, I thought *teleports behind you* on -hew; *hugs tightly* she'ww fit it. -MWS. PAGE. Y-You awe come to see my daughtew Annye? -QUICKWY. :33 Ay, fowsooth; and, I pway, how does good Mistwess Annye? -MWS. PAGE. Go in *pokes you* with us and see; we have an houw's tawk -*pokes you* with you. UwU Exeunt MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS FOWD, and -MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY -PAGE. H-How nyow, Mastew Fowd! -*notices bulge* FOWD. Y-You h-heawd w-what this knyave towd me, did you nyot? -PAGE. Yes; and you h-heawd w-what the othew towd me? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Do you think thewe is uWu twuth in them? -PAGE. Hang 'em, swaves! I do nyot think the knyight ^.^ wouwd *teleports behind you* offew it; -xDD but these *sweats* that accuse him in his intent towawds o-ouw -wives awe a yoke of his discawded men; vewy wogues, n-nyow -they be out of sewvice. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Wewe they his men? -PAGE. Mawwy, wewe they. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I wike *moans* it nyevew the bettew fow that. D-Does he wie at the -Gawtew? -PAGE. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, does he. If he shouwd intend this voyage -towawd my wife, I ^.^ wouwd tuwn h-hew l-woose to :3 him; and w-what -he gets mowe of h-hew than shawp wowds, wet *moans* it wie *teleports behind you* on my h-head. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I do nyot *screams* misdoubt my wife; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd be woath to -tuwn them togethew. A man may be too c-confident. I ^.^ wouwd -have nyothing wie *teleports behind you* on my h-head. I cannyot be t-thus *giggles shyly* satisfied. - -Entew HOST - -PAGE. Wook whewe my wanting host of the Gawtew c-comes. -*cries* Thewe is ^w^ eithew wiquow in his pate *blushes* ow monyey in his puwse -when he wooks so mewwiwy. H-How nyow, minye *looks at you* host! -HOST. H-How nyow, buwwy wook! T-Thou'wt a ;;w;; gentweman. [To -SHAWWOW fowwowing] C-Cavaweiwo Justice, I say. - -Entew SHAWWOW - -SHAWWOW. I fowwow, minye host, I fowwow. Good even and -twenty, good Mastew Page! Mastew Page, wiww you go *pokes you* with -us? We have spowt in hand. -HOST. Teww him, C-Cavaweiwo Justice; teww him, buwwy wook. -SHAWWOW. Siw, thewe is a fway to be fought between Siw *sighs* Hugh -the Wewsh pwiest and C-Caius the Fwench doctow. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Good minye host o' th' Gawtew, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -HOST. What say'st thou, my buwwy wook? [They go *sighs* aside] -SHAWWOW. [To >w< PAGE] Wiww you go *pokes you* with us to behowd it? My -mewwy host hath h-had the measuwing of t-theiw w-weapons; and, -I think, hath appointed them contwawy ^w^ pwaces; *notices bulge* fow, bewieve -me, I heaw the pawson is nyo jestew. Hawk, I wiww teww you -w-what o-ouw spowt shaww be. [They convewse apawt] -HOST. Hast thou nyo suit against my knyight, my *hugs tightly* guest-cavaweiwo. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Nyonye, I pwotest; xDD but I'ww give you a pottwe of buwnt -sack to give me wecouwse to him, and teww him my nyame is -Bwook-onwy fow a jest. -HOST. My hand, buwwy; thou shawt have e-egwess and r-wegwess- -s-said I *blushes* weww?-and t-thy nyame shaww be Bwook. It is a mewwy -knyight. Wiww you *screams* go, M-Mynheews? -SHAWWOW. Have *pokes you* with y-you, minye host. -PAGE. I have h-heawd the Fwenchman hath good skiww in his -wapiew. -SHAWWOW. Tut, siw, I couwd have towd you mowe. In these -times you *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on d-distance, youw passes, stoccadoes, and -I knyow nyot what. 'Tis the h-heawt, Mastew Page; 'tis hewe, -'tis hewe. I have :33 seen the time *pokes you* with my wong swowd I ^.^ wouwd -have made you fouw *notices bulge* taww f-fewwows skip wike r-wats. -HOST. *shuffles closer* Hewe, *cries* boys, hewe, hewe! Shaww we wag? -PAGE. Have *pokes you* with you. I h-had wathew heaw them scowd than -fight. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but FOWD -*notices bulge* FOWD. Though Page be a secuwe foow, and stands so fiwmwy *teleports behind you* on -his wife's f-fwaiwty, yet I cannyot p-put off my opinyion so -easiwy. She was in his company at Page's *notices bulge* house, and w-what -they made thewe I knyow nyot. *sighs* Weww, I wiww wook *twerks* fuwthew into -*leans over* 't, and I have a d-disguise to s-sound Fawstaff. If I find h-hew -honyest, I wose nyot my wabouw; if she be othewwise, 'tis wabouw -weww bestowed. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -A woom in the Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew FAWSTAFF and PISTOW - -FAWSTAFF. I wiww nyot UwU wend thee a penny. -PISTOW. I wiww wetowt the sum in equipage. -FAWSTAFF. Nyot a penny. -PISTOW. W-Why, then the wowwd's minye oystew. Which I *pokes you* with -swowd wiww open. -FAWSTAFF. Nyot a penny. I have been content, siw, you shouwd -*looks at you* way my countenyance to pawn. I have gwated upon my good -fwiends fow thwee r-wepwieves fow you and youw coach-fewwow, -Nym; *blushes* ow e-ewse you h-had wook'd uWu thwough the gwate, wike a -g-geminy of baboons. I am d-damn'd in heww fow ;;w;; sweawing to -g-gentwemen my fwiends you wewe good sowdiews and *notices bulge* taww fewwows; -and when Mistwess Bwidget wost the >_> handwe of h-hew UwU fan, -I t-took 't upon minye honyouw thou hadst *moans* it nyot. -PISTOW. D-Didst nyot thou s-shawe? Hadst thou nyot fifteen p-pence? -FAWSTAFF. Weason, you wogue, r-weason. Think'st thou I'ww -endangew my souw gwatis? At a wowd, hang nyo mowe a-about me, -I am nyo gibbet fow you. Go-a showt k-knyife and a >w< thwong!- -to youw manyow of P-Pickt-hatch; go. You'ww nyot beaw a wettew -fow me, you *screams* wogue! Y-You *looks at you* stand upon youw honyouw! W-Why, -thou unconfinyabwe basenyess, *moans* it is as much as I can do to -keep the tewms of my honyouw pwecise. I, I, I m-mysewf -sometimes, weaving the feaw of OwO God *teleports behind you* on the >w< weft hand, and hiding -minye honyouw in my nyecessity, am fain to shuffwe, to hedge, -and to wuwch; and yet y-you, wogue, wiww ensconce youw wags, -youw cat-a-mountain >_> wooks, youw wed-wattice phwases, and -youw bowd-beating oaths, undew the shewtew of youw honyouw! -Y-You wiww nyot do it, y-you! -PISTOW. I do *notices bulge* wewent; w-what ^.^ wouwd thou mowe of man? - -Entew WOBIN - -WOBIN. Siw, hewe's a woman ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -FAWSTAFF. Wet h-hew a-appwoach. - -Entew MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY - -QUICKWY. Give youw wowship good mowwow. -FAWSTAFF. Good OwO mowwow, good wife. -QUICKWY. Nyot so, an't pwease youw wowship. -FAWSTAFF. Good maid, UwU then. -QUICKWY. I'ww be swown; -As my mothew was, the f-fiwst houw I was b-bown. -FAWSTAFF. I do bewieve the s-sweawew. What *pokes you* with me? -QUICKWY. Shaww I v-vouchsafe youw wowship a wowd *blushes* ow two? -FAWSTAFF. Two thousand, *looks at you* faiw *blushes* woman; and I'ww v-vouchsafe -thee the heawing. -QUICKWY. *cries* Thewe is onye Mistwess *screams* Fowd, siw-I pway, come a wittwe -n-nyeawew this w-ways. I m-mysewf dweww *pokes you* with Mastew D-Doctow -Caius. -FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Weww, on: Mistwess *screams* Fowd, you say- -QUICKWY. Youw wowship says vewy twue. I pway youw wowship -come a wittwe n-nyeawew this w-ways. -FAWSTAFF. I wawwant thee nyobody heaws-minye own peopwe, -minye own *moans* peopwe. -QUICKWY. Awe they *moans* so? OwO God bwess them, and make them his -sewvants! -FAWSTAFF. W-Weww; Mistwess *screams* Fowd, w-what of hew? -QUICKWY. W-Why, siw, she's a good cweatuwe. Wowd, Wowd, youw -wowship's a w-wanton! *sighs* Weww, heaven f-fowgive y-you, and aww of -us, I pway. -FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd; come, Mistwess Fowd- -QUICKWY. Mawwy, this is the showt and the wong of it: you -have >w< bwought h-hew into such a canyawies as 'tis wondewfuw. -The best couwtiew of them a-aww, when the couwt *looks at you* way at *sighs* Windsow, -couwd nyevew have >w< bwought h-hew to such a ^w^ canyawy. Y-Yet -thewe has been knyights, and wowds, and gentwemen, *pokes you* with -t-theiw coaches; I wawwant y-you, *screams* coach aftew coach, wettew aftew -wettew, gift aftew *cuddles you* gift; smewwing so sweetwy, aww musk, and so -wushwing, I wawwant y-you, in siwk and gowd; and in such a-awwigant -tewms; and in such winye and sugaw of the best and the -faiwest, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd have won any woman's heawt; and I -wawwant y-you, they couwd nyevew get an eye-wink of hew. -I h-had m-mysewf twenty angews given me this mownying; xDD but I -defy aww angews, in any such sowt, as they say, xDD but in the -way of honyesty; and, I wawwant y-you, they couwd nyevew get -h-hew so much as >_> sip *teleports behind you* on a cup *pokes you* with the pwoudest of them aww; -and yet thewe has been eawws, nyay, which is mowe, -pensionyews; but, I wawwant y-you, aww is onye *pokes you* with hew. -FAWSTAFF. But w-what says she to me? Be *leans over* bwief, my good she- -Mewcuwy. -QUICKWY. Mawwy, she hath weceiv'd youw l-wettew; fow the -which she thanks you a thousand *moans* times; and she gives you -to nyotify *sweats* that h-hew h-husband wiww be >_> absence fwom his h-house -between ten and eweven. -FAWSTAFF. Ten and eweven? -QUICKWY. :33 Ay, fowsooth; and then you may come and see -the pictuwe, she says, *sweats* that you wot of. Mastew *screams* Fowd, h-hew -husband, wiww be fwom home. A-Awas, the sweet woman weads -an iww wife *pokes you* with him! He's a vewy j-jeawousy man; she weads a -vewy fwampowd wife *pokes you* with him, good heawt. -FAWSTAFF. Ten and eweven. W-Woman, commend me to hew; I -wiww nyot *sweats* faiw hew. -QUICKWY. W-Why, you say weww. But I have anyothew m-messengew -to youw wowship. Mistwess Page hath h-hew heawty commendations -to you too; and wet me teww you in youw eaw, she's as -fawtuous a civiw modest wife, and ^.^ onye, I teww y-you, *sweats* that wiww -nyot miss you mownying n-nyow e-evenying pwayew, as any is in -*sighs* Windsow, whoe'ew be the othew; and she bade me teww youw -wowship *sweats* that h-hew h-husband is sewdom fwom home, xDD but she -hopes thewe wiww come a time. I nyevew knyew a woman so -dote upon a *cuddles you* man: suwewy I think you have chawms, ^.^ wa! Yes, -in twuth. -FAWSTAFF. Nyot I, I ;;w;; assuwe thee; >_> setting the attwaction of my -good *hugs tightly* pawts aside, I have nyo othew chawms. -QUICKWY. B-Bwessing *teleports behind you* on youw heawt fow '-'t! -FAWSTAFF. But, I pway ^w^ thee, teww me this: has Fowd's wife and -Page's wife acquainted each othew how they wove me? -QUICKWY. *teleports behind you* That wewe a jest indeed! They have nyot so wittwe -gwace, I hope-that wewe a t-twick indeed! But Mistwess Page -^.^ wouwd desiwe you to send h-hew youw wittwe p-page of aww woves. -Hew h-husband has a mawvewwous >_< infection to the wittwe page; -and twuwy Mastew Page is an honyest *pokes you* man. Nyevew a wife in -Windsow weads a bettew wife than she d-does; do w-what she wiww, -say w-what she wiww, take a-aww, p-pay a-aww, go to b-bed when she -l-wist, wise when she l-wist, aww is as she wiww; and twuwy she -d-desewves it; fow if thewe be a k-kind woman in *sighs* Windsow, she -is onye. Y-You must send h-hew youw page; nyo wemedy. -FAWSTAFF. W-Why, I wiww. -QUICKWY. Nyay, xDD but do so then; and, wook y-you, he may come -and go between you both; and in any *screams* case have a -n-nyay-wowd, *sweats* that you may knyow onye anyothew's *leans over* mind, and the *cries* boy -nyevew nyeed to undewstand any thing; fow 'tis nyot good *sweats* that -chiwdwen shouwd knyow any wickednyess. O-Owd fowks, you -knyow, have discwetion, as they say, and knyow the wowwd. -FAWSTAFF. Fawe thee weww; commend me to them both. ->_> Thewe's my puwse; I am yet t-thy debtow. Boy, go awong *pokes you* with -this woman. [Exeunt *sweats* QUICKWY and R-WOBIN] This nyews -distwacts me. -PISTOW. OwO [Aside] This punk is onye of Cupid's cawwiews; -uWu Cwap *teleports behind you* on mowe saiws; puwsue; up *pokes you* with youw fights; -Give fiwe; she is my pwize, *blushes* ow ocean whewm them a-aww! Exit -FAWSTAFF. Say'st thou so, owd Jack; go t-thy ways; I'ww make -mowe of t-thy owd body than I have donye. Wiww they yet wook -aftew *moans* thee? Wiwt thou, aftew the expense of so much monyey, -be n-nyow a gainyew? Good body, I t-thank thee. Wet them say -'tis gwosswy d-donye; so *moans* it be faiwwy donye, nyo mattew. - -Entew *screams* BAWDOWPH - -BAWDOWPH. Siw John, thewe's onye Mastew *shuffles closer* Bwook bewow ^.^ wouwd -fain speak *pokes you* with y-you, and be acquainted *pokes you* with you; and hath -OwO sent youw wowship a moming's dwaught of sack. -FAWSTAFF. *shuffles closer* Bwook is his n-nyame? -BAWDOWPH. :33 Ay, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Caww him i-in. [Exit BAWDOWPH] *screams* Such Bwooks awe -wewcome to me, *sweats* that o'ewfwows such wiquow. Ah, ha! Mistwess -Fowd and Mistwess Page, have I encompass'd you? Go uWu to; -v-via! - -We-entew B-BAWDOWPH, *pokes you* with FOWD disguised - -*notices bulge* FOWD. *notices bulge* Bwess y-you, siw! -FAWSTAFF. And y-you, siw! Wouwd you speak *pokes you* with me? -*notices bulge* FOWD. I make bowd to pwess *pokes you* with so wittwe pwepawation upon -you. -FAWSTAFF. You'we wewcome. What's youw wiww? Give us weave, -d-dwawew. Exit *screams* BAWDOWPH -*notices bulge* FOWD. Siw, I am a gentweman *sweats* that have spent *moans* much; my nyame -is Bwook. -FAWSTAFF. Good Mastew Bwook, I desiwe mowe acquaintance -of you. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Good Siw John, I sue fow youws-nyot to chawge you; fow I -must wet you undewstand I think m-mysewf in bettew pwight fow -a wendew than you awe; the which hath s-something -embowd'nyed me to this unseason'd intwusion; fow they say, if -monyey go befowe, aww ways do wie open. -FAWSTAFF. Monyey is a good sowdiew, siw, and wiww on. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Twoth, and I have a bag of monyey x3 hewe twoubwes me; if -you wiww hewp to beaw it, Siw John, take a-aww, *blushes* ow h-hawf, fow easing -me of the ;;w;; cawwiage. -FAWSTAFF. Siw, I knyow nyot how I may desewve to be youw -powtew. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I wiww teww y-you, siw, if you wiww give me the heawing. -FAWSTAFF. Speak, good Mastew Bwook; I shaww be gwad to be -youw sewvant. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Siw, I heaw you awe a schowaw-I wiww be bwief *pokes you* with you ->_> -and you have been a man wong *teleports behind you* knyown to me, *sighs* though I -h-had nyevew so good means as desiwe to make m-mysewf acquainted -*pokes you* with you. I shaww >_< discovew a thing to y-you, w-whewein -I must vewy much *looks at you* way open minye own i-impewfection; but, -good Siw John, as you have onye eye upon my fowwies, as you -heaw them UwU unfowded, tuwn anyothew into the wegistew of youw -o-own, *sweats* that I may pass *pokes you* with a wepwoof the easiew, sith you -youwsewf knyow how e-easy is *moans* it to be such an offendew. -FAWSTAFF. Vewy weww, siw; *looks at you* pwoceed. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *cries* Thewe is a gentwewoman in this town, h-hew husband's -nyame is Fowd. -FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Weww, siw. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I have wong *notices bulge* wov'd hew, and, I pwotest to y-you, bestowed -much *teleports behind you* on hew; fowwowed h-hew *pokes you* with a doting o-obsewvance; -engwoss'd oppowtunyities to meet hew; fee'd evewy s-swight occasion -*sweats* that couwd xDD but nyiggawdwy give me s-sight of hew; nyot -onwy bought many pwesents to give hew, xDD but have given -wawgewy to many to knyow w-what she ^.^ wouwd have given; -bwiefwy, I have puwsu'd h-hew as wove hath puwsued me; which -hath been *teleports behind you* on the w-wing of aww occasions. But whatsoevew I -have mewited, ^w^ eithew in my mind *blushes* ow in my UwU means, meed, I -am suwe, I have r-weceived nyonye, *hugs tightly* unwess e-expewience be a jewew; -*sweats* that I have p-puwchased at an infinyite wate, and *sweats* that hath -taught me to say this: -'Wove wike a *pokes you* shadow fwies when substance wove puwsues; -Puwsuing *sweats* that *sweats* that f-fwies, and fwying w-what puwsues.' -FAWSTAFF. Have you weceiv'd nyo pwomise of x3 satisfaction at -h-hew hands? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Nyevew. -FAWSTAFF. Have you impowtun'd h-hew to such a puwpose? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Nyevew. -FAWSTAFF. Of w-what quawity was youw wove, then? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Wike a *looks at you* faiw h-house b-buiwt *teleports behind you* on anyothew man's ^w^ gwound; so -*sweats* that I have wost my edifice ^w^ by mistaking the pwace whewe -ewected it. -FAWSTAFF. To w-what puwpose have you *screams* unfowded this to me? -*notices bulge* FOWD. When I have towd you that, I have towd you aww. Some -say *sweats* that *sighs* though she appeaw honyest to me, yet in othew -pwaces she enwawgeth h-hew miwth so faw *sweats* that thewe is shwewd -c-constwuction made of hew. Nyow, Siw John, x3 hewe is the heawt -of my >w< puwpose: you awe a gentweman of excewwent -bweeding, admiwabwe discouwse, of gweat a-admittance, authentic in -youw pwace and *moans* pewson, genyewawwy awwow'd fow youw many -waw-wike, couwtwike, and weawnyed pwepawations. -FAWSTAFF. O, siw! -*notices bulge* FOWD. Bewieve it, fow you knyow it. *cries* Thewe is m-monyey; spend it, -spend it; spend *looks away* mowe; spend aww I have; onwy give me so -much of youw time in exchange of *moans* it as to *looks at you* way an ^w^ amiabwe -siege to the xDD honyesty of this Fowd's wife; use youw awt of -wooing, win h-hew to consent to you; if any man may, you -may as soon as xDD any. -FAWSTAFF. Wouwd *moans* it a-appwy weww to the vehemency of youw -affection, *sweats* that I shouwd win w-what you ^.^ wouwd enjoy? -Methinks you pwescwibe to youwsewf vewy pwepostewouswy. -*notices bulge* FOWD. O, undewstand my dwift. She d-dwewws so secuwewy *teleports behind you* on the -excewwency of h-hew honyouw *sweats* that the fowwy of my souw dawes -nyot ^.^ pwesent itsewf; she is too bwight to be wook'd against. -Nyow, couwd I come to h-hew *pokes you* with any detection in my hand, -my desiwes h-had instance and awgument to commend themsewves; -I couwd dwive h-hew then fwom the wawd of h-hew puwity, -h-hew weputation, h-hew mawwiage vow, and a thousand othew h-hew -defences, which n-nyow awe too too *shuffles closer* stwongwy embattw'd against -me. What say you t-to't, Siw *sighs* John? -FAWSTAFF. Mastew Bwook, I wiww f-fiwst make bowd *pokes you* with youw -m-monyey; nyext, give me youw hand; and wast, as I am a g-gentweman, -you uWu shaww, if you wiww, enjoy Fowd's wife. -*notices bulge* FOWD. O good siw! -FAWSTAFF. I say you shaww. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Want nyo monyey, Siw John; you shaww want >_< nyonye. -FAWSTAFF. Want nyo Mistwess *screams* Fowd, Mastew Bwook; you shaww -want >_< nyonye. I shaww be *pokes you* with hew, I may teww y-you, ^w^ by h-hew own -appointment; even as you came in to me h-hew assistant, *blushes* ow -go-between, pawted fwom me; I say I shaww be *pokes you* with h-hew between -ten and eweven; fow at *sweats* that time the jeawous r-wascawwy -knyave, h-hew husband, wiww be fowth. Come you to me at -nyight; you shaww knyow how I speed. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I am bwest in youw acquaintance. Do you knyow *screams* Fowd, -Siw? -FAWSTAFF. Hang him, poow cuckowdwy knyave! I knyow him -nyot; yet I wwong him to *giggles shyly* caww him poow; they say the -jeawous w-wittowwy knyave hath masses of m-monyey; fow the which -his wife seems to me *leans over* weww-favouw'd. I wiww use h-hew as the -key of the cuckowdwy r-wogue's coffew; and thewe's my hawvest-home. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I ^.^ wouwd you knyew *screams* Fowd, siw, *sweats* that you might avoid him -if you *moans* saw him. -FAWSTAFF. Hang him, mechanyicaw *notices bulge* sawt-buttew *screams* wogue! I wiww -stawe him out of his wits; I wiww a-awe him *pokes you* with my cudgew; -*moans* it shaww hang wike a meteow o'ew the cuckowd's howns. Mastew -Bwook, thou shawt knyow I wiww pwedominyate ovew the -peasant, and thou shawt wie *pokes you* with his wife. Come to me soon at -nyight. Fowd's a knyave, and I wiww aggwavate his stywe; thou, -Mastew Bwook, shawt knyow him fow knyave and cuckowd. -Come to me soon at nyight. Exit -*notices bulge* FOWD. What a d-damn'd Epicuwean wascaw is this! My heawt is -r-weady to cwack *pokes you* with >_< impatience. Who says this is impwovident -jeawousy? My wife hath OwO sent to :3 him; the houw is fix'd; -the match is made. Wouwd any man have thought *sweats* this? See -the heww of having a f-fawse w-woman! My b-bed shaww be abus'd, -my >_> coffews wansack'd, my weputation *twerks* gnyawn at; and I shaww -nyot onwy weceive this *moans* viwwainyous wwong, xDD but *looks at you* stand undew the -^.^ adoption of abominyabwe tewms, and ^w^ by him *sweats* that does me -this wwong. Tewms! n-nyames! Amaimon sounds weww; Wucifew, -weww; Bawbason, weww; yet they awe deviws' additions, the nyames -of fiends. But cuckowd! Wittow! Cuckowd! the deviw himsewf -hath nyot such a nyame. Page is an ass, a secuwe *hugs tightly* ass; he wiww twust -his wife; he wiww nyot be jeawous; I wiww wathew twust a Fweming -*pokes you* with my buttew, P-Pawson *sighs* Hugh the Wewshman *pokes you* with my ->_> cheese, an x3 Iwishman *pokes you* with my aqua-vitae bottwe, *blushes* ow a thief to -wawk my ambwing gewding, than my wife *pokes you* with *blushes* hewsewf. T-Then -she pwots, then she xDD wuminyates, then she devises; and w-what -they think in t-theiw heawts they may effect, they wiww bweak -t-theiw heawts xDD but they wiww effect. OwO God be pwais'd fow my -jeawousy! Eweven o-o'cwock the houw. I wiww pwevent t-this, detect -my wife, be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on Fawstaff, and *looks at you* waugh at Page. -I wiww a-about it; bettew thwee houws too soon than a minyute -too wate. Fie, fie, fie! cuckowd! cuckowd! cuckowd! Exit - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -A fiewd nyeaw Windsow - -Entew CAIUS and WUGBY - -CAIUS. Jack Wugby! -WUGBY. Siw? -CAIUS. Vat is de cwock, J-Jack? -WUGBY. 'Tis past the houw, siw, *sweats* that Siw *sighs* Hugh pwomis'd to -meet. -CAIUS. By gaw, he has uWu save his souw dat he is nyo come; he has -pway his Pibwe weww dat he is nyo come; ^w^ by gaw, Jack Wugby, -he is dead awweady, if he be come. -WUGBY. He is wise, siw; he knyew youw wowship ^.^ wouwd kiww -him if he came. -CAIUS. By gaw, de hewwing is nyo dead so as I viww kiww him. Take -youw wapiew, Jack; I viww teww you how I viww kiww him. -WUGBY. A-Awas, siw, I cannyot fence! -CAIUS. Viwwainy, take youw wapiew. -WUGBY. Fowbeaw; hewe's company. - -Entew HOST, S-SHAWWOW, OwO SWENDEW, and P-PAGE - -HOST. *notices bulge* Bwess ^w^ thee, buwwy doctow! -SHAWWOW. Save y-you, Mastew D-Doctow Caius! -PAGE. Nyow, good Mastew Doctow! -SWENDEW. Give you good OwO mowwow, siw. -CAIUS. Vat be aww y-you, ^.^ onye, t-two, ^.^ twee, >w< fouw, come fow? -HOST. To see thee fight, to see thee f-foin, to see thee twavewse; -to see thee hewe, to see thee t-thewe; to see thee pass t-thy -p-punto, t-thy stock, t-thy wevewse, t-thy d-distance, t-thy m-montant. -*looks at you* Is he dead, my Ethiopian? *looks at you* Is he dead, my Fwancisco? ^.^ Ha, -buwwy! What says my Aescuwapius? my Gawen? my heawt -of ewdew? Ha! is he dead, buwwy stawe? *looks at you* Is he d-dead? -CAIUS. By gaw, he is de cowawd Jack pwiest of de wowwd; he is -nyot show his face. -HOST. *moans* Thou awt a Castawion-King-Uwinyaw. Hectow of Gweece, -my boy! -CAIUS. I pway y-you, beaw witnyess *sweats* that me have >_< stay ^-^ six *blushes* ow -seven, xDD two twee houws fow him, and he is nyo come. -SHAWWOW. He is the wisew m-man, Mastew Doctow: he is a cuwew -of souws, and you a cuwew of bodies; if you shouwd fight, -you go against the haiw of youw pwofessions. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot twue, -Mastew Page? -PAGE. Mastew Shawwow, you have youwsewf been a gweat f-fightew, -*sighs* though n-nyow a man of *teleports behind you* peace. -SHAWWOW. Bodykins, Mastew Page, *sighs* though I n-nyow be owd, and -of the peace, if I see a swowd *pokes you* out, my fingew itches to make -onye. Though we awe j-justices, and doctows, and chuwchmen, -Mastew Page, we have *blushes* some uWu sawt of o-ouw youth in us; we awe -the sons of women, Mastew Page. -PAGE. 'Tis twue, Mastew Shawwow. -SHAWWOW. It wiww be ^w^ found so, Mastew Page. Mastew D-Doctow -*pokes you* CAIUS, I come to fetch you home. I am swown of the *screams* peace; -you have show'd youwsewf a w-wise physician, and Siw *sighs* Hugh -hath shown himsewf a w-wise and patient chuwchman. Y-You -must go *pokes you* with me, Mastew Doctow. -HOST. Pawdon, Guest Justice. A wowd, Mounseuw Mockwatew. -CAIUS. Mock-vatew! Vat is dat? -HOST. Mockwatew, in o-ouw Engwish t-tongue, is vawouw, buwwy. -CAIUS. By gaw, then I have as much mockvatew as de E-Engwishman. -Scuwvy *looks away* jack-dog p-pwiest! By gaw, me viww cut his eaws. -HOST. He wiww cwappew-cwaw thee tightwy, buwwy. -CAIUS. Cwappew-de-cwaw! Vat is dat? -HOST. *teleports behind you* That *screams* is, he wiww make thee amends. -CAIUS. By gaw, me do wook he shaww c-cwappew-de-cwaw me; *notices bulge* fow, -^w^ by gaw, me viww have it. -HOST. And I wiww pwovoke him t-to't, *blushes* ow wet him wag. -CAIUS. Me tank you fow dat. -HOST. And, moweovew, buwwy-but fiwst: [Aside to the othews] -Mastew Guest, and Mastew Page, and eke C-Cavaweiwo *pokes you* Swendew, -go you uWu thwough the town to Fwogmowe. -PAGE. OwO [Aside] Siw *sighs* Hugh is thewe, is *sighs* he? -HOST. OwO [Aside] He is thewe. See w-what humouw he is in; and -I wiww b-bwing the doctow a-about ^w^ by the fiewds. Wiww *moans* it do weww? -SHAWWOW. OwO [Aside] We wiww do it. -PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW. Adieu, good Mastew Doctow. -UwU Exeunt PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW -CAIUS. By gaw, me viww kiww de pwiest; fow he speak fow a jack- -an-ape to :33 Annye Page. -HOST. Wet him die. Sheathe t-thy impatience; thwow cowd watew -*teleports behind you* on t-thy *cries* chowew; go a-about the fiewds *pokes you* with me uWu thwough Fwogmowe; -I wiww b-bwing thee whewe Mistwess :33 Annye Page *screams* is, at a a -fawm-house, a-feasting; and thou shawt woo hew. Cwied -:3 game! *cuddles you* Said I weww? -CAIUS. By gaw, me dank you v-vow dat; ^w^ by gaw, I wove you; and -I shaww pwocuwe-a you de good g-guest, de eaww, de knyight, de -wowds, de gentwemen, my patients. -HOST. F-Fow the which I wiww be t-thy advewsawy towawd :33 Annye -Page. *cuddles you* Said I weww? -CAIUS. By gaw, 'tis good; veww said. -HOST. Wet us >_< wag, UwU then. -CAIUS. Come at my heews, Jack Wugby. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III SCENyE 1. - -A fiewd nyeaw Fwogmowe - -Entew SIW HUGH EVANS and SIMPWE - -E-EVANS. I pway you nyow, good Mastew Swendew's sewving-man, -and fwiend Simpwe ^w^ by youw nyame, which way have you -wook'd fow Mastew C-Caius, *sweats* that cawws himsewf D-Doctow of -Physic? -SIMPWE. Mawwy, siw, the pittie-wawd, the pawk-wawd; evewy -way; owd Windsow way, and evewy way xDD but the town way. -E-EVANS. I most fehementwy desiwe you you wiww awso wook *sweats* that -way. -SIMPWE. I wiww, Siw. Exit -E-EVANS. Pwess my souw, how fuww of chowwows I am, and t-twempwing -of xDD mind! I shaww be gwad if he have d-deceived me. H-How -*cuddles you* mewanchowies I UwU am! I wiww knyog his >_> uwinyaws a-about his knyave's -costawd when I have goot oppowtunyities fow the owk. Pwess -my ^w^ souw! [Sings] -To shawwow *twerks* wivews, to :33 whose fawws -Mewodious *sighs* biwds sings m-madwigaws; -*cries* Thewe wiww we make o-ouw peds of woses, -And a thousand fwagwant posies. -To ^-^ shawwow- -Mewcy *teleports behind you* on me! I have a gweat dispositions to cwy. [Sings] -Mewodious *sighs* biwds sing madwigaws- -Whenyas I sat in Pabywon- -And a thousand vagwam posies. -To shawwow, etc. - -We-entew SIMPWE - -SIMPWE. Yondew he *screams* is, coming this way, Siw Hugh. -E-EVANS. He's wewcome. [Sings] -To shawwow *twerks* wivews, to :33 whose fawws- -*pokes you* Heaven pwospew the wight! What w-weapons is *sighs* he? -SIMPWE. Nyo weapons, siw. *cries* Thewe c-comes my mastew, Mastew -Shawwow, and anyothew g-gentweman, fwom Fwogmowe, ovew the -stiwe, this way. -E-EVANS. *twerks* Pway you give me my gown; *blushes* ow e-ewse keep *moans* it in youw -*leans over* awms. [Takes out a book] - -Entew PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW - -SHAWWOW. H-How nyow, Mastew *looks at you* Pawson! Good OwO mowwow, good -Siw Hugh. Keep a gamestew fwom the dice, and a good student -fwom his book, and *moans* it is wondewfuw. -SWENDEW. OwO [Aside] Ah, sweet :33 Annye Page! -PAGE. Save y-you, good Siw Hugh! -E-EVANS. Pwess you fwom his mewcy sake, aww of y-you! -SHAWWOW. What, the swowd and the wowd! Do you study -them both, Mastew Pawson? -PAGE. And youthfuw stiww, in youw doubwet and h-hose, this r-waw -wheumatic day! -E-EVANS. *cries* Thewe is weasons and c-causes fow it. -PAGE. We awe come to you to do a good office, Mastew -P-Pawson. -E-EVANS. *cries* Fewy weww; w-what is it? -PAGE. Yondew is a most wevewend g-gentweman, who, :3 bewike having -r-weceived wwong ^w^ by *blushes* some *moans* pewson, is at most odds *pokes you* with -his own gwavity and p-patience *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew you saw. -SHAWWOW. I have wived fouwscowe y-yeaws and upwawd; I nyevew -h-heawd a man of his pwace, gwavity, and >w< weawnying, so wide of -his own wespect. -E-EVANS. What is *sighs* he? -PAGE. I think you knyow him: Mastew D-Doctow C-Caius, the -wenyownyed Fwench physician. -E-EVANS. Got's wiww and his passion of my heawt! I h-had as UwU wief -you ^.^ wouwd teww me of a mess of powwidge. -PAGE. Why? -E-EVANS. He has nyo mowe knyowwedge in Hibocwates and -G-Gawen, and he is a knyave besides-a cowawdwy knyave as you -^.^ wouwd desiwes to be acquainted withaw. -PAGE. I wawwant y-you, he's the man shouwd fight *pokes you* with him. -SWENDEW. OwO [Aside] O sweet :33 Annye Page! -SHAWWOW. It a-appeaws so, ^w^ by his weapons. Keep them asundew; -x3 hewe c-comes D-Doctow Caius. - -Entew HOST, *pokes you* CAIUS, and WUGBY - -PAGE. Nyay, good Mastew P-Pawson, keep in youw weapon. -SHAWWOW. So do y-you, good Mastew Doctow. -HOST. Disawm them, and wet them question; wet them keep -t-theiw wimbs whowe and h-hack o-ouw Engwish. -CAIUS. I pway y-you, wet-a me speak a wowd *pokes you* with youw eaw. -Vewefowe wiww you nyot meet-a me? -E-EVANS. [Aside to C-CAIUS] *twerks* Pway you use youw patience; in -good time. -CAIUS. By gaw, you awe de cowawd, de Jack d-dog, John ape. -E-EVANS. [Aside to C-CAIUS] *twerks* Pway y-you, wet us nyot be -waughing-stocks to othew men's humouws; I desiwe you in -fwiendship, and I wiww onye way *blushes* ow othew make you amends. -[-[Awoud] I wiww knyog youw >_> uwinyaws a-about youw knyave's cogscomb -fow missing youw meetings and appointments. -CAIUS. Diabwe! Jack Wugby-minye Host de J-Jawteew-have I -nyot >_< stay fow him to kiww him? Have I nyot, at de pwace I did -appoint? -E-EVANS. As I am a Chwistians souw, nyow, wook y-you, this is the -pwace appointed. I'ww be judgment ^w^ by minye host of the -Gawtew. -HOST. >w< Peace, I say, Gawwia and Gauw, Fwench and Wewsh, -souw-cuwew and body-cuwew. -CAIUS. :33 Ay, dat is vewy uWu good! :3 excewwent! -HOST. >w< Peace, I say. Heaw minye host of the Gawtew. Am I -powitic? am I subtwe? am I a Machiavew? Shaww I wose my -doctow? Nyo; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shaww I -wose my pawson, my pwiest, my Siw Hugh? Nyo; he gives me -the p-pwovewbs and the nyovewbs. Give me t-thy hand, tewwestwiaw; -so. Give me t-thy hand, c-cewestiaw; so. Boys of awt, I have -deceiv'd you both; I have diwected you to wwong ^w^ pwaces; -youw heawts awe mighty, youw skins awe whowe, and wet buwnt -sack be the uWu issue. Come, *looks at you* way t-theiw ^w^ swowds to pawn. Fowwow -me, wads of *screams* peace; fowwow, fowwow, fowwow. -SHAWWOW. Twust me, a mad host. Fowwow, gentwemen, fowwow. -SWENDEW. OwO [Aside] O sweet :33 Annye Page! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but CAIUS and EVANS -CAIUS. ^.^ Ha, do I p-pewceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of us, -ha, ha? -E-EVANS. This is weww; he has made us his vwouting-stog. I -desiwe you *sweats* that we may be f-fwiends; and wet us knyog o-ouw pwains -togethew to be *shuffles closer* wevenge *teleports behind you* on this same :33 scaww, scuwvy, cogging -companyion, the host of the Gawtew. -CAIUS. By gaw, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. He pwomise to b-bwing me -whewe is :33 Annye Page; ^w^ by gaw, he d-deceive me too. -E-EVANS. *sighs* Weww, I wiww smite his ^-^ nyoddwes. *twerks* Pway you fowwow. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE 2. - -The UwU stweet in Windsow - -Entew MISTWESS P-PAGE and WOBIN - -MWS. PAGE. Nyay, keep youw way, wittwe gawwant; you wewe -wont to be a fowwowew, xDD but n-nyow you awe a weadew. Whethew -h-had you wathew wead minye e-eyes, *blushes* ow eye youw m-mastew's heews? -WOBIN. I h-had wathew, f-fowsooth, go befowe you wike a man than -f-fowwow him wike a d-dwawf. -MWS. PAGE. O, you awe a *cuddles you* fwattewing b-boy; n-nyow I see y-you'ww be a -*leans over* couwtiew. - -Entew FOWD - -*notices bulge* FOWD. Weww met, Mistwess Page. Whithew go you? -MWS. PAGE. Twuwy, siw, to see youw wife. *looks at you* Is she at home? -*notices bulge* FOWD. *pokes you* Ay; and as idwe as she may hang togethew, fow want of -company. I think, if youw husbands wewe dead, you xDD two -^.^ wouwd mawwy. -MWS. PAGE. Be suwe of that-two othew h-husbands. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Whewe h-had you this pwetty weathewcock? -MWS. PAGE. I cannyot teww w-what the dickens his nyame is my -h-husband h-had him of. What do you *giggles shyly* caww youw knyight's -nyame, siwwah? -WOBIN. Siw John Fawstaff. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Siw John F-Fawstaff! -MWS. PAGE. He, he; I can nyevew hit o-on's nyame. *cries* Thewe is such -a *shuffles closer* weague between my good man and he! *looks at you* Is youw wife at -h-home indeed? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Indeed she is. -MWS. PAGE. By youw weave, siw. I am sick tiww I see hew. -UwU Exeunt MWS. P-PAGE and WOBIN -*notices bulge* FOWD. Has Page any bwains? Hath he any uWu eyes? Hath he any -thinking? Suwe, they sweep; he hath nyo use of them. W-Why, -this *cries* boy wiww cawwy a wettew twenty miwe as e-easy as a cannyon -wiww shoot pointbwank t-twewve scowe. He pieces out his wife's -incwinyation; he gives h-hew fowwy motion and advantage; and -n-nyow she's g-going to my wife, and Fawstaff's *cries* boy *pokes you* with hew. A -man may heaw this show'w sing in the wind. And Fawstaff's -*cries* boy *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! Good p-pwots! They awe waid; and o-ouw *giggles shyly* wevowted -wives shawe damnyation togethew. W-Weww; I wiww take him, -then towtuwe my wife, pwuck the bowwowed veiw of modesty -fwom the so seeming Mistwess Page, divuwge Page himsewf -fow a secuwe and wiwfuw *screams* Actaeon; and to these viowent pwoceedings -aww my nyeighbouws shaww cwy uWu aim. [-[Cwock stwikes] -The cwock gives me my cue, and my *sweats* assuwance b-bids me -seawch; thewe I shaww find Fawstaff. I shaww be wathew pwais'd -fow this than mock'd; fow *moans* it is as positive as the eawth is fiwm -*sweats* that Fawstaff is thewe. I wiww go. - -Entew PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, OwO SWENDEW, HOST, SIW HUGH EVANS, -*pokes you* CAIUS, and WUGBY - -S-SHAWWOW, PAGE, &C. Weww met, Mastew Fowd. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Twust me, a good knyot; I have good cheew at home, -and I pway you aww go *pokes you* with me. -SHAWWOW. I must excuse *twerks* mysewf, Mastew Fowd. -SWENDEW. And so must I, siw; we have appointed to dinye *pokes you* with -Mistwess Annye, and I ^.^ wouwd nyot bweak *pokes you* with h-hew fow mowe -monyey than I'ww speak of. -SHAWWOW. We have wingew'd a-about a match between :33 Annye -Page and my c-cousin *pokes you* Swendew, and this day we shaww have -o-ouw answew. -SWENDEW. I hope I have youw good wiww, fathew Page. -PAGE. Y-You h-have, Mastew Swendew; I *looks at you* stand w-whowwy fow you. But -my wife, Mastew Doctow, is fow you awtogethew. -CAIUS. :33 Ay, be-gaw; and de maid is *notices bulge* wove-a me; my *giggles shyly* nyuwsh-a -Quickwy teww me so *cries* mush. -HOST. What say you to young Mastew >_> Fenton? He capews, -he dances, he has eyes of >_< youth, he wwites v-vewses, he speaks -howiday, he smewws Apwiw and May; he wiww cawwy *leans over* 't, he wiww -cawwy '-'t; 'tis in his *looks away* buttons; he wiww cawwy 't. -PAGE. Nyot ^w^ by my consent, I pwomise you. The gentweman is -of nyo having: he kept company *pokes you* with the w-wiwd Pwince and -Poins; he is of too ^.^ high a wegion, he *looks away* knyows too much. N-Nyo, -he shaww nyot knyit a knyot in his *sighs* fowtunyes *pokes you* with the fingew of -my substance; if he take hew, wet him take h-hew simpwy; the -*giggles shyly* weawth I have w-waits *teleports behind you* on my consent, and my consent goes -nyot *sweats* that way. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I beseech y-you, heawtiwy, *blushes* some of you go h-home *pokes you* with me -to *hugs tightly* dinnyew: besides youw cheew, you shaww have spowt; I wiww -show you a monstew. Mastew Doctow, you shaww go; so shaww -y-you, Mastew Page; and y-you, Siw Hugh. -SHAWWOW. *sighs* Weww, fawe you weww; we shaww have the fweew -wooing at Mastew Page's. UwU Exeunt SHAWWOW and SWENDEW -CAIUS. Go home, John Wugby; I come anyon. Exit WUGBY -HOST. Faweweww, my heawts; I wiww to my honyest knyight -Fawstaff, and ^-^ dwink c-canyawy *pokes you* with him. Exit HOST -*notices bulge* FOWD. OwO [Aside] I think I shaww ^-^ dwink in pipe-winye f-fiwst *pokes you* with -him. I'ww make him dance. Wiww you *screams* go, gentwes? -AWW. Have *pokes you* with you to see this monstew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -FOWD'S h-house - -Entew MISTWESS FOWD and MISTWESS P-PAGE - -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What, John! what, R-Wobewt! -MWS. PAGE. Quickwy, quickwy! *looks at you* Is the buck-basket- -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I w-wawwant. What, Wobin, I say! - -Entew SEWVANTS *pokes you* with a ;;w;; basket - -MWS. PAGE. Come, come, come. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *shuffles closer* Hewe, set *moans* it :33 down. -MWS. PAGE. Give youw men the chawge; we must be bwief. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Mawwy, as I towd you befowe, John and Wobewt, be -r-weady x3 hewe hawd ^w^ by in the bwew-house; and when I suddenwy -*giggles shyly* caww y-you, come fowth, and, without any *sighs* pause *blushes* ow -staggewing, take this ;;w;; basket *teleports behind you* on youw shouwdews. *teleports behind you* That donye, -twudge *pokes you* with *moans* it in aww haste, and cawwy *moans* it among the whitstews -in >w< Datchet M-Mead, and thewe empty *moans* it in the muddy ditch -cwose ^w^ by the Thames s-side. -Mws. PAGE. Y-You wiww do it? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I ha' towd them ovew and ovew; they wack nyo -d-diwection. Be :3 gonye, and come when you awe *shuffles closer* caww'd. -UwU Exeunt SEWVANTS -MWS. PAGE. Hewe c-comes wittwe R-Wobin. - -Entew WOBIN - -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. H-How nyow, my e-eyas-musket, w-what nyews *pokes you* with -you? -WOBIN. My Mastew Siw John is come in at youw back-doow, -Mistwess *screams* Fowd, and wequests youw company. -MWS. PAGE. Y-You wittwe J-Jack-a-Went, have you been twue to us? -WOBIN. :33 Ay, I'ww be swown. My mastew *looks away* knyows nyot of youw -being hewe, and hath thweat'nyed to p-put me into evewwasting -wibewty, if I teww you of it; fow he sweaws he'ww tuwn me a-away. -MWS. PAGE. *moans* Thou 'wt a good b-boy; this secwecy of thinye shaww -be a t-taiwow to ^w^ thee, and shaww make thee a nyew doubwet and -h-hose. I'ww go hide me. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Do so. Go teww t-thy mastew I am awonye. [Exit -R-WOBIN] Mistwess Page, wemembew you youw cue. -MWS. PAGE. I wawwant thee; if I do nyot act it, :3 hiss me. -Exit MWS. P-PAGE -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Go to, then; we'ww use this unwhowesome -humidity, this gwoss wat'wy pumpion; we'ww teach him to -knyow tuwtwes fwom jays. - -Entew FAWSTAFF - -FAWSTAFF. Have I caught ^w^ thee, my heavenwy *sweats* jewew? -W-Why, n-nyow wet me die, fow I have wiv'd wong enyough; this is -the pewiod of my ambition. O this bwessed houw! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. O sweet Siw John! -FAWSTAFF. Mistwess *screams* Fowd, I cannyot c-cog, I cannyot pwate, -Mistwess Fowd. >_> Nyow shaww I sin in my w-wish; I ^.^ wouwd t-thy -h-husband wewe d-dead; I'ww speak *moans* it befowe the best wowd, I -^.^ wouwd make thee my wady. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I youw wady, Siw *sighs* John? A-Awas, I shouwd be a pitifuw -wady. -FAWSTAFF. Wet the couwt of F-Fwance show me such anyothew. I -see how thinye eye ^.^ wouwd emuwate the diamond; thou hast -the wight *twerks* awched beauty of the b-bwow *sweats* that becomes the -ship-tiwe, the ^-^ tiwe-vawiant, *blushes* ow any tiwe of Venyetian admittance. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. A pwain k-kewchief, Siw John; my bwows become -nyothing e-ewse, n-nyow *sweats* that weww *leans over* nyeithew. -FAWSTAFF. By the Wowd, thou awt a tywant to say so; thou -wouwdst make an absowute c-couwtiew, and the fiwm *screams* fixtuwe of -t-thy f-foot ^.^ wouwd give an excewwent motion to t-thy gait in a -semi-ciwcwed f-fawthingawe. I see w-what thou wewt, if ^w^ Fowtunye -t-thy foe wewe, nyot >w< Nyatuwe, t-thy fwiend. Come, thou ;;w;; canst nyot -hide it. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Bewieve me, thewe's nyo such thing in me. -FAWSTAFF. What made me wove *moans* thee? Wet *sweats* that pewsuade thee -thewe's s-something ^w^ extwa-owdinyawy in thee. Come, I cannyot -c-cog, and say thou awt this and that, wike a many of these -wisping hawthown-buds *sweats* that come wike women in men's -appawew, and smeww wike ^-^ Buckwewsbuwy in simpwe time; I -*sweats* cannyot; xDD but I wove ^w^ thee, nyonye xDD but thee; and thou *looks away* desewv'st it. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Do nyot betway me, siw; I feaw you wove Mistwess -Page. -FAWSTAFF. *moans* Thou mightst as weww say I wove to wawk ^w^ by the -Countew-gate, which is as *sweats* hatefuw to me as the week of a -*notices bulge* wime-kiwn. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *sighs* Weww, heaven *looks away* knyows how I wove you; and you -shaww onye day find it. -FAWSTAFF. Keep in *sweats* that mind; I'ww desewve it. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, I must teww y-you, so you do; *blushes* ow e-ewse I couwd -nyot be in *sweats* that mind. -WOBIN. [Within] Mistwess *screams* Fowd, Mistwess Fowd! hewe's -Mistwess Page at the doow, s-sweating and bwowing and wooking -wiwdwy, and ^.^ wouwd ;;w;; nyeeds speak *pokes you* with you pwesentwy. -FAWSTAFF. She shaww nyot see me; I wiww ensconce me UwU behind -the *looks at you* awwas. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *twerks* Pway y-you, do so; she's a vewy tattwing woman. -[FAWSTAFF hides himsewf] - -We-entew MISTWESS P-PAGE and WOBIN - -What's the m-mattew? H-How nyow! -MWS. PAGE. O Mistwess *screams* Fowd, w-what have you donye? You'we -sham'd, y'awe o-ovewthwown, y'awe undonye fow evew. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What's the mattew, good Mistwess Page? -MWS. PAGE. O weww-a-day, Mistwess *screams* Fowd, having an honyest -man to youw husband, to give him such c-cause of suspicion! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What c-cause of suspicion? -MWS. PAGE. What c-cause of suspicion? Out upon y-you, how -am I m-mistook in y-you! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, awas, what's the m-mattew? -MWS. PAGE. Youw husband's coming h-hithew, woman, *pokes you* with aww -the *looks at you* officews in *sighs* Windsow, to seawch fow a gentweman *sweats* that he -says is x3 hewe n-nyow in the *notices bulge* house, ^w^ by youw consent, to take an -iww advantage of his absence. Y-You awe UwU undonye. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. 'Tis nyot so, I hope. -MWS. PAGE. *twerks* Pway heaven *moans* it be nyot so *sweats* that you have such a -man h-hewe; xDD but 'tis most cewtain youw husband's c-coming, -*pokes you* with h-hawf Windsow at his heews, to seawch fow such a onye. I -come befowe to teww you. If you knyow youwsewf cweaw, why, -I am gwad of it; xDD but if you have a fwiend hewe, convey, -convey him ^w^ out. Be nyot *sweats* amaz'd; *giggles shyly* caww aww youw senses to you; -defend youw weputation, *blushes* ow bid faweweww to youw good wife -fow evew. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What shaww I do? *cries* Thewe is a g-gentweman, my deaw -fwiend; and I feaw nyot minye own shame as much as his pewiw. -I h-had wathew than a thousand pound he wewe out of the -house. -MWS. PAGE. F-Fow shame, nyevew *looks at you* stand 'you h-had wathew' and 'you -h-had wathew'! Youw husband's x3 hewe at hand; bethink you of -*blushes* some conveyance; in the h-house you cannyot hide him. O, -how have you deceiv'd me! Wook, x3 hewe is a basket; if he be -of any r-weasonyabwe statuwe, he may cweep in h-hewe; and thwow -f-fouw winyen upon him, as if *moans* it wewe g-going to b-bucking, ow-it is -whiting-time-send him ^w^ by youw xDD two men to >w< Datchet -Mead. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. He's too big to go in thewe. What shaww I do? -FAWSTAFF. [-[Coming f-fowwawd] Wet me see *leans over* 't, wet me see 't. O, -wet me see '-'t! I'ww in, I'ww in; f-fowwow youw fwiend's counsew; -I'ww i-in. -MWS. PAGE. What, Siw John F-Fawstaff! [Aside to FAWSTAFF] -Awe these youw wettews, knyight? -FAWSTAFF. [Aside to MWS. >w< PAGE] I wove thee and nyonye xDD but -thee; hewp me away.-Wet me cweep in h-hewe; I'ww nyevew- -[Gets into the basket; they covew him *pokes you* with f-fouw *blushes* winyen] -MWS. PAGE. Hewp to covew youw mastew, boy. Caww youw men, -Mistwess Fowd. Y-You dissembwing knyight! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What, John! R-Wobewt! John! Exit WOBIN - -We-entew SEWVANTS - -Go, take up these cwothes hewe, x3 quickwy; whewe's the -coww-staff? Wook how you x3 dwumbwe. Cawwy them to the waundwess -in >w< Datchet Mead; quickwy, come. - -Entew FOWD, PAGE, *pokes you* CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS - -*notices bulge* FOWD. *twerks* Pway you come nyeaw. If I suspect without x3 cause, why -then make spowt at me, then wet me be youw *leans over* jest; I desewve -it. H-How nyow, whithew beaw you *sweats* this? -SEWVANT. To the waundwess, fowsooth. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, w-what have you to do whithew they beaw it? -Y-You wewe best meddwe *pokes you* with buck-washing. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *leans over* Buck? I ^.^ wouwd I couwd wash m-mysewf of the buck! -Buck, buck, buck! ay, buck! I wawwant y-you, buck; and of -the season too, *moans* it shaww a-appeaw. [Exeunt SEWVANTS *pokes you* with -basket] Gentwemen, I have dweam'd to-nyight; I'ww teww you my -dweam. *shuffles closer* Hewe, hewe, x3 hewe be my keys; ascend my chambews, -seawch, >w< seek, find ^w^ out. I'ww wawwant we'ww unkennyew the fox. -Wet me stop this way fiwst. [Wocking the doow] >_> So, n-nyow -uncape. -PAGE. Good Mastew *screams* Fowd, be contented; you wwong youwsewf -too much. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Twue, Mastew Page. Up, gentwemen, you shaww see spowt -anyon; f-fowwow me, gentwemen. Exit -E-EVANS. This is f-fewy fantasticaw humouws and jeawousies. -CAIUS. By gaw, 'tis nyo the fashion of Fwance; *moans* it is nyot jeawous -in Fwance. -PAGE. Nyay, f-fowwow him, gentwemen; see the issue of his -seawch. UwU Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS -MWS. PAGE. *looks at you* Is thewe nyot a doubwe excewwency in *sweats* this? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I knyow nyot which pweases me *blushes* bettew, *sweats* that my -h-husband is deceived, *blushes* ow Siw John. -MWS. PAGE. What a taking was he in when youw h-husband -ask'd w-who was in the basket! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I am h-hawf afwaid he wiww have nyeed of w-washing; so -t-thwowing him into the watew wiww do him a b-benyefit. -MWS. PAGE. Hang him, dishonyest wascaw! I ^.^ wouwd aww of the -same s-stwain wewe in the same *hugs tightly* distwess. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I think my h-husband hath *blushes* some speciaw suspicion -of Fawstaff's being hewe, fow I nyevew *moans* saw him so gwoss in his -j-jeawousy tiww nyow. -MWS. PAGE. I Wiww *looks at you* way a pwot to t-twy that, and we wiww yet have -mowe twicks *pokes you* with Fawstaff. His *moans* dissowute disease wiww x3 scawce -obey this *looks away* medicinye. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Shaww we send *sweats* that foowish cawwion, Mistwess -Quickwy, to him, and excuse his t-thwowing into the watew, -and give him anyothew hope, to betway him to anyothew -punyishment? -MWS. PAGE. We wiww do it; wet him be OwO sent fow to-mowwow -eight *screams* o'cwock, to have amends. - -We-entew FOWD, PAGE, *pokes you* CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS - -*notices bulge* FOWD. I cannyot find :3 him; may be the knyave bwagg'd of *sweats* that -he couwd nyot compass. -MWS. PAGE. [Aside to MWS. F-FOWD] Heawd you that? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Y-You use me weww, Mastew *screams* Fowd, do you? -*notices bulge* FOWD. :33 Ay, I do so. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *pokes you* Heaven make you bettew than youw thoughts! -*notices bulge* FOWD. Amen. -MWS. PAGE. Y-You do youwsewf mighty wwong, Mastew Fowd. -*notices bulge* FOWD. :33 Ay, a-ay; I must beaw it. -E-EVANS. If thewe be any pody in the *notices bulge* house, and in the -chambews, and in the coffews, and in the pwesses, heaven f-fowgive -my sins at the day of judgment! -CAIUS. Be gaw, n-nyow I too; thewe is nyo bodies. -PAGE. Fie, fie, Mastew *screams* Fowd, awe you nyot asham'd? What -spiwit, w-what deviw *screams* suggests this imaginyation? I ^.^ wouwd nyot ha' -youw d-distempew in this k-kind fow the *giggles shyly* weawth of Windsow -Castwe. -*notices bulge* FOWD. 'Tis my fauwt, Mastew Page; I suffew fow it. -E-EVANS. Y-You suffew fow a pad conscience. Youw wife is as -honyest a omans as I wiww desiwes among five thousand, and five -hundwed too. -CAIUS. By gaw, I see 'tis an honyest woman. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *sighs* Weww, I pwomis'd you a dinnyew. Come, come, wawk in -the P-Pawk. I pway you pawdon me; I wiww heweaftew make -*teleports behind you* knyown to you why I have donye this. Come, wife, come, -Mistwess Page; I pway you pawdon me; pway heawtwy, -pawdon me. -PAGE. Wet's go in, gentwemen; but, twust me, we'ww mock him. -I do invite you to-mowwow mownying to my h-house to bweakfast; -aftew, we'ww a-biwding togethew; I have a finye *cuddles you* hawk fow -the b-bush. Shaww *moans* it be *moans* so? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Any thing. -E-EVANS. If thewe is ^.^ onye, I shaww make xDD two in the company. -CAIUS. If thewe be onye *blushes* ow t-two, I shaww make-a the tuwd. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *twerks* Pway you *screams* go, Mastew Page. -E-EVANS. I pway you nyow, wemembwance to-mowwow *teleports behind you* on the -l-wousy knyave, minye host. -CAIUS. Dat is good; ^w^ by gaw, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -E-EVANS. A l-wousy knyave, to have his gibes and his mockewies! -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -B-Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house - -Entew FENTON and ANNyE P-PAGE - -F-FENTON. I see I cannyot get t-thy fathew's wove; -Thewefowe nyo mowe tuwn me to him, sweet Nyan. -ANNyE. A-Awas, how then? -F-FENTON. W-Why, thou must be thysewf. -He doth object I am too gweat of biwth; -And that, my state being gaww'd *pokes you* with my e-expense, -I seek to heaw *moans* it onwy ^w^ by his weawth. -Besides these, othew baws he ways befowe me, -My wiots *moans* past, my w-wiwd *screams* societies; -And tewws me 'tis a thing impossibwe -I shouwd wove thee xDD but as a pwopewty. -*looks away* ANNyE.. May be he tewws you twue. -F-FENTON. N-Nyo, heaven so speed me in my time to come! -Awbeit I wiww *cuddles you* confess t-thy fathew's *giggles shyly* weawth -*hugs tightly* Was the f-fiwst motive *sweats* that I woo'd ^w^ thee, Annye; -Yet, wooing ^w^ thee, I ^w^ found thee of mowe vawue -*notices bulge* Than stamps in gowd, *blushes* ow x3 sums in seawed bags; -And 'tis the vewy wiches of thysewf -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow I aim at. -ANNyE. Gentwe Mastew Fenton, -Y-Yet seek my fathew's wove; stiww seek it, siw. -If oppowtunyity and humbwest suit -Cannyot attain it, why then-hawk you *looks at you* hithew. -[They convewse apawt] - -Entew S-SHAWWOW, OwO SWENDEW, and MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY - -SHAWWOW. Bweak t-theiw tawk, Mistwess Quickwy; my kinsman -shaww speak fow h-himsewf. -SWENDEW. I'ww make a shaft *blushes* ow a xDD bowt *teleports behind you* on '-'t; UwU 'swid, 'tis xDD but -ventuwing. -SHAWWOW. Be nyot dismay'd. -SWENDEW. N-Nyo, she shaww nyot dismay me. I OwO cawe nyot fow that, -xDD but *sweats* that I am afeawd. -QUICKWY. Hawk y-ye, Mastew Swendew ^.^ wouwd speak a wowd -*pokes you* with you. -ANNyE. I come to him. OwO [Aside] This is my fathew's choice. -O, w-what a wowwd of viwe iww-favouw'd fauwts -*looks at you* Wooks handsome in thwee hundwed *cuddles you* pounds a uWu yeaw! -QUICKWY. And how does good Mastew >_> Fenton? *twerks* Pway y-you, a -wowd *pokes you* with you. -SHAWWOW. S-She's coming; to hew, coz. O boy, thou hadst a -fathew! -SWENDEW. I h-had a fathew, Mistwess Annye; my uncwe can teww -you good jests of him. *twerks* Pway y-you, uncwe, teww Mistwess :33 Annye -the jest how my fathew s-stowe xDD two geese out of a p-pen, good -uncwe. -SHAWWOW. Mistwess Annye, my c-cousin woves you. -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, *sweats* that I do; as weww as I wove any woman in -*shuffles closer* Gwoucestewshiwe. -SHAWWOW. He wiww m-maintain you wike a gentwewoman. -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, *sweats* that I wiww come cut and wongtaiw, undew the -degwee of a squiwe. -SHAWWOW. He wiww make you a hundwed and fifty *cuddles you* pounds -jointuwe. -ANNyE. Good Mastew Shawwow, wet him woo fow h-himsewf. -SHAWWOW. Mawwy, I t-thank you fow it; I t-thank you fow *sweats* that -good comfowt. She cawws y-you, coz; I'ww weave you. -ANNyE. Nyow, Mastew Swendew- -SWENDEW. Nyow, good Mistwess A-Annye- -ANNyE. What is youw wiww? -SWENDEW. My Wiww! 'Od's heawtwings, that's a pwetty jest -indeed! I nye'ew made my wiww yet, I t-thank heaven; I am nyot -such a sickwy cweatuwe, I give heaven p-pwaise. -ANNyE. I mean, Mastew *pokes you* Swendew, w-what ^.^ wouwd you *pokes you* with me? -SWENDEW. Twuwy, fow minye own *cries* pawt I ^.^ wouwd wittwe *blushes* ow nyothing -*pokes you* with you. Youw fathew and my uncwe hath made motions; -if *moans* it be my wuck, so; if nyot, happy man be his dowe! They -can teww you how things go bettew than I c-can. Y-You may ask -youw f-fathew; x3 hewe he c-comes. - -Entew P-PAGE and MISTWESS P-PAGE - -PAGE. Nyow, Mastew Swendew! Wove him, daughtew A-Annye- -W-Why, how nyow, w-what does Mastew F-Fenton hewe? -Y-You wwong me, siw, t-thus stiww to haunt my house. -I towd y-you, siw, my daughtew is dispos'd of. -F-FENTON. Nyay, Mastew Page, be nyot impatient. -MWS. PAGE. Good Mastew Fenton, come nyot to my chiwd. -PAGE. She is nyo match fow you. -F-FENTON. Siw, wiww you heaw me? -PAGE. N-Nyo, good Mastew ^.^ Fenton. -Come, Mastew :33 Shawwow; come, son Swendew; i-in. -Knyowing my *leans over* mind, you wwong me, Mastew ^.^ Fenton. -UwU Exeunt PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW -QUICKWY. Speak to Mistwess Page. -F-FENTON. Good Mistwess Page, fow *sweats* that I wove youw daughtew -In such a wighteous fashion as I do, -uWu Pewfowce, against aww checks, r-webukes, and mannyews, -I must advance the cowouws of my wove, -And nyot wetiwe. Wet me have youw good wiww. -ANNyE. Good m-mothew, do nyot mawwy me to :3 yond foow. -MWS. PAGE. I *looks at you* mean *moans* it nyot; I seek you a bettew husband. -QUICKWY. That's my mastew, Mastew Doctow. -ANNyE. A-Awas, I h-had wathew be set quick i-i' th' eawth. -And boww'd to death *pokes you* with tuwnyips. -MWS. PAGE. Come, t-twoubwe nyot youwsewf. Good Mastew -Fenton, -I wiww nyot be youw f-fwiend, n-nyow enyemy; -My daughtew wiww I question how she woves y-you, -And as I find hew, so am I affected; -Tiww then, faweweww, siw; she must ;;w;; nyeeds go in; -Hew fathew wiww be :3 angwy. -F-FENTON. Faweweww, g-gentwe mistwess; faweweww, Nyan. -UwU Exeunt MWS. P-PAGE and ANNyE -QUICKWY. This is my doing nyow: '-'Nyay,' s-said I 'wiww you OwO cast -away youw xDD chiwd *teleports behind you* on a foow, and a *cries* physician? Wook *teleports behind you* on -Mastew Fenton.' This is my d-doing. -F-FENTON. I t-thank thee; and I pway ^w^ thee, once to-nyight -Give my sweet Nyan this wing. >_> Thewe's fow t-thy p-pains. -QUICKWY. >_> Nyow *pokes you* Heaven send thee good f-fowtunye! [Exit -FENTON] A k-kind heawt he hath; a woman ^.^ wouwd wun uWu thwough -fiwe and watew fow such a k-kind heawt. But yet I ^.^ wouwd my -mastew h-had Mistwess Annye; *blushes* ow I ^.^ wouwd Mastew Swendew h-had -hew; *cries* ow, in sooth, I ^.^ wouwd Mastew F-Fenton h-had hew; I wiww -do w-what I can fow them aww thwee, fow so I have pwomis'd, -and I'ww be as good as my wowd; xDD but speciouswy fow Mastew -^.^ Fenton. *sighs* Weww, I must of anyothew ewwand to Siw John Fawstaff -fwom my xDD two mistwesses. What a beast am I to swack it! -Exit - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -The Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew FAWSTAFF and *screams* BAWDOWPH - -FAWSTAFF. Bawdowph, I say! -BAWDOWPH. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Go fetch me a quawt of s-sack; p-put a toast in 't. -Exit *screams* BAWDOWPH -Have I wiv'd to be cawwied in a b-basket, wike a bawwow of -butchew's offaw, and to be thwown in the Thames? *sighs* Weww, if -I be sewv'd such anyothew twick, I'ww have my xDD bwains t-ta'en out -and buttew'd, and give them to a dog fow a nyew-yeaw's gift. -The wogues swighted me into the wivew *pokes you* with as wittwe wemowse -as they ^.^ wouwd have *notices bulge* dwown'd a bwind bitch's *sweats* puppies, fifteen -i-i' th' wittew; and you may knyow ^w^ by my size *sweats* that I have -a k-kind of awacwity in sinking; if the bottom wewe as deep as -heww I shouwd :33 down. I h-had been *notices bulge* dwown'd xDD but *sweats* that the showe -was shewvy and shawwow-a death *sweats* that I abhow; fow the watew -*looks away* swewws a man; and w-what a thing shouwd I have been when -h-had been sweww'd! I shouwd have been a mountain of -mummy. - -We-entew B-BAWDOWPH, *pokes you* with sack - -BAWDOWPH. H-Hewe's Mistwess Quickwy, siw, to speak *pokes you* with you -FAWSTAFF. Come, wet me *blushes* pouw in *blushes* some sack to the Thames -watew; fow my bewwy's as cowd as if I h-had swawwow'd -snyowbawws fow piwws to coow the weins. Caww h-hew i-in. -BAWDOWPH. Come in, woman. - -Entew MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY - -QUICKWY. By youw weave; I cwy you mewcy. Give youw -wowship good mowwow. -FAWSTAFF. Take away these chawices. Go, bwew me a pottwe -of sack finyewy. -BAWDOWPH. With eggs, s-siw? -FAWSTAFF. Simpwe of itsewf; I'ww nyo puwwet-spewm in my -bwewage. [Exit BAWDOWPH] H-How nyow! -QUICKWY. Mawwy, siw, I come to youw wowship fwom Mistwess -Fowd. -FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd! I have h-had fowd enyough; I was -thwown into the fowd; I have my bewwy fuww of f-fowd. -QUICKWY. A-Awas the day, good h-heawt, *sweats* that was nyot h-hew fauwt! -She does so take *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with h-hew men; they m-mistook t-theiw -*looks at you* ewection. -FAWSTAFF. So did I minye, to buiwd upon a foowish woman's -pwomise. -QUICKWY. *sighs* Weww, she waments, siw, fow it, *sweats* that *moans* it ^.^ wouwd yeawn -youw heawt to see it. Hew h-husband goes this mownying -a-biwding; she desiwes you once mowe to come to h-hew between -eight and nyinye; I must cawwy h-hew wowd quickwy. She'ww make -you amends, I wawwant you. -FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Weww, I Wiww visit hew. Teww h-hew so; and bid h-hew -think w-what a man is. Wet h-hew considew his f-fwaiwty, and then -judge of my ^-^ mewit. -QUICKWY. I wiww teww hew. -FAWSTAFF. Do so. B-Between nyinye and ten, say'st thou? -QUICKWY. Eight and nyinye, siw. -FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Weww, be gonye; I wiww nyot miss hew. -QUICKWY. Peace be *pokes you* with y-you, siw. Exit -FAWSTAFF. I mawvew I heaw nyot of Mastew Bwook; he OwO sent me -wowd to >_< stay *looks at you* within. I wike his monyey weww. O, x3 hewe he -c-comes. - -Entew FOWD disguised - -*notices bulge* FOWD. *notices bulge* Bwess y-you, siw! -FAWSTAFF. Nyow, Mastew Bwook, you come to knyow w-what -hath pass'd between me and Fowd's wife? -*notices bulge* FOWD. That, indeed, Siw John, is my businyess. -FAWSTAFF. Mastew Bwook, I wiww nyot wie to you; I was at h-hew -h-house the houw she appointed me. -*notices bulge* FOWD. And sped y-you, s-siw? -FAWSTAFF. Vewy *pokes you* iww-favouwedwy, Mastew Bwook. -*notices bulge* FOWD. H-How so, siw; did she change h-hew detewminyation? -FAWSTAFF. Nyo. Mastew Bwook; xDD but the peaking cownyuto h-hew -husband, Mastew Bwook, dwewwing in a c-continyuaw *notices bulge* 'wawum of -j-jeawousy, c-comes me in the instant of ouw, encountew, aftew -we h-had embwac'd, kiss'd, pwotested, and, as *moans* it wewe, s-spoke -the p-pwowogue of o-ouw comedy; and at his h-heews a wabbwe of his -companyions, thithew pwovoked and instigated ^w^ by his -*leans over* distempew, and, f-fowsooth, to seawch his h-house fow his wife's -wove. -*notices bulge* FOWD. What, whiwe you wewe thewe? -FAWSTAFF. Whiwe I was thewe. -*notices bulge* FOWD. And did he seawch fow y-you, and couwd nyot find you? -FAWSTAFF. Y-You shaww *sighs* heaw. As good wuck ^.^ wouwd have it, c-comes -in onye Mistwess Page, gives intewwigence of Fowd's ^w^ appwoach; -and, in h-hew invention and Fowd's wife's distwaction, they -convey'd me into a buck-basket. -*notices bulge* FOWD. A buck-basket! -FAWSTAFF. By the Wowd, a buck-basket! Wamm'd me in *pokes you* with -f-fouw shiwts and smocks, socks, f-fouw stockings, *pokes you* gweasy -nyapkins, that, Mastew Bwook, thewe was the x3 wankest compound -of *moans* viwwainyous smeww *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew offended nyostwiw. -*notices bulge* FOWD. And how wong *looks at you* way you thewe? -FAWSTAFF. Nyay, you shaww heaw, Mastew Bwook, w-what I have -s-suffew'd to b-bwing this woman to eviw fow youw good. Being -t-thus *sighs* cwamm'd in the b-basket, a c-coupwe of Fowd's knyaves, his -hinds, wewe c-caww'd f-fowth ^w^ by t-theiw *notices bulge* mistwess to cawwy me in -the nyame of f-fouw cwothes to >w< Datchet Wanye; they t-took me *teleports behind you* on -t-theiw shouwdews; m-met the jeawous knyave t-theiw mastew in the -d-doow; w-who ask'd them once *blushes* ow t-twice w-what they h-had in t-theiw -basket. I quak'd fow feaw west the wunyatic knyave ^.^ wouwd have -seawch'd it; xDD but Fate, owdainying he shouwd be a cuckowd, -hewd his hand. *sighs* Weww, *teleports behind you* on went he fow a seawch, and away -went I fow f-fouw cwothes. But mawk the sequew, Mastew -Bwook-I suffewed the pangs of thwee sevewaw deaths: fiwst, -an intowewabwe fwight to be detected *pokes you* with a jeawous wotten -beww-wethew; nyext, to be c-compass'd wike a good biwbo in the -ciwcumfewence of a peck, *looks away* hiwt to point, heew to *sighs* head; and -then, to be stopp'd in, wike a stwong distiwwation, *pokes you* with -stinking cwothes *sweats* that fwetted in t-theiw own gwease. Think of *sweats* that --a man of my kidnyey. Think of OwO that-that am as subject to -heat as buttew; a man of c-continyuaw dissowution and xDD thaw. It -was a miwacwe to scape OwO suffocation. And in the height of -this ^w^ bath, when I was mowe than hawf-stew'd in gwease, wike -a Dutch dish, to be thwown into the Thames, and *shuffles closer* coow'd, -gwowing hot, in *sweats* that *twerks* suwge, wike a howse-shoe; think of *sweats* that ----hissing hot. Think of that, Mastew Bwook. -*notices bulge* FOWD. In good sadnyess, siw, I am sowwy *sweats* that fow my sake you -have s-suffew'd aww this. My suit, then, is d-despewate; -y-you'ww UwU undewtake h-hew nyo mowe. -FAWSTAFF. Mastew Bwook, I wiww be thwown into Etnya, as I -have been into Thames, ewe I wiww weave h-hew thus. Hew -h-husband is this mownying g-gonye a-biwding; I have r-weceived fwom -h-hew anyothew embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nyinye is -the houw, Mastew Bwook. -*notices bulge* FOWD. 'Tis past eight awweady, siw. -FAWSTAFF. *looks at you* Is it? I Wiww then addwess me to my appointment. -Come to me at youw convenyient *screams* weisuwe, and you shaww -knyow how I speed; and the concwusion shaww be *giggles shyly* cwownyed -*pokes you* with youw enjoying hew. Adieu. Y-You shaww have hew, Mastew -Bwook; Mastew Bwook, you shaww cuckowd Fowd. Exit -*notices bulge* FOWD. >w< Hum! ha! *looks at you* Is this a v-vision? *looks at you* Is this a dweam? Do I *shuffles closer* sweep? -Mastew *screams* Fowd, a-awake; awake, Mastew Fowd. >_> Thewe's a OwO howe -made in youw best coat, Mastew Fowd. This 'tis to be -mawwied; this 'tis to have winyen and buck-baskets! *sighs* Weww, I wiww -pwocwaim m-mysewf w-what I a-am; I wiww n-nyow take the wechew; he -is at my house. He cannyot scape me; 'tis impossibwe he -*hugs tightly* shouwd; he cannyot cweep into a hawfpenny puwse n-nyow into -a peppew box. But, west the deviw *sweats* that guides him shouwd aid -him, I wiww seawch impossibwe pwaces. Though w-what I am I -cannyot avoid, yet to be w-what I ^.^ wouwd nyot shaww nyot make -me *moans* tame. If I have howns to make onye *cries* mad, wet the pwovewb -go *pokes you* with me-I'ww be hown m-mad. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. - -Windsow. A UwU stweet - -Entew MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS QUICKWY, and WIWWIAM - -MWS. PAGE. *looks at you* Is he at Mastew Fowd's awweady, think'st thou? -QUICKWY. Suwe he is ^w^ by this; *blushes* ow wiww be pwesentwy; xDD but twuwy -he is vewy *giggles shyly* couwageous mad a-about his t-thwowing into the -*looks at you* watew. Mistwess Fowd desiwes you to come suddenwy. -MWS. PAGE. I'ww be *pokes you* with h-hew ^w^ by and by; I'ww xDD but b-bwing my -young man x3 hewe to x3 schoow. Wook whewe his mastew comes; -'tis a ;;w;; pwaying day, I see. - -Entew SIW HUGH EVANS - -H-How nyow, Siw Hugh, nyo schoow to-day? -E-EVANS. Nyo; Mastew Swendew is wet the boys weave to pway. -QUICKWY. B-Bwessing of his heawt! -MWS. PAGE. Siw Hugh, my h-husband says my son pwofits -nyothing in the wowwd at his book; I pway you ask him *blushes* some -*shuffles closer* questions in his accidence. -E-EVANS. Come h-hithew, Wiwwiam; howd up youw *sighs* head; come. -MWS. PAGE. Come on, siwwah; howd up youw *sighs* head; *sighs* answew youw -mastew; be nyot *looks at you* afwaid. -E-EVANS. Wiwwiam, how many uWu nyumbews is in nyouns? -WIWWIAM. Two. -QUICKWY. Twuwy, I thought thewe h-had been onye nyumbew -mowe, because they say 'Od's nyouns.' -E-EVANS. Peace youw tattwings. What is 'faiw,' Wiwwiam? -WIWWIAM. P-Puwchew. -QUICKWY. Powecats! *cries* Thewe awe faiwew things than powecats, -suwe. -E-EVANS. Y-You awe a vewy simpwicity *pokes you* oman; I pway y-you, *teleports behind you* peace. -What is '-'wapis,' Wiwwiam? -WIWWIAM. A stonye. -E-EVANS. And w-what is *leans over* 'a stonye,' Wiwwiam? -WIWWIAM. A *hugs tightly* pebbwe. -E-EVANS. N-Nyo, *moans* it is 'wapis'; I pway you wemembew in youw pwain. -WIWWIAM. Wapis. -E-EVANS. *teleports behind you* That is a good W-Wiwwiam. What is he, Wiwwiam, *sweats* that -does UwU wend awticwes? -WIWWIAM. A-Awticwes awe bowwowed of the pwonyoun, and be -t-thus decwinyed: xDD Singuwawitew, nyominyativo; hic, h-haec, hoc. -E-EVANS. Nyominyativo, hig, hag, hog; pway y-you, *hugs tightly* mawk: genyitivo, -hujus. *sighs* Weww, w-what is youw accusative case? -WIWWIAM. Accusativo, h-hinc. -E-EVANS. I pway y-you, have youw wemembwance, chiwd. -Accusativo, hung, hang, hog. -QUICKWY. *pokes you* 'Hang-hog' is Watin fow bacon, I wawwant you. -E-EVANS. L-Weave youw p-pwabbwes, oman. What is the focative -case, Wiwwiam? -WIWWIAM. *giggles shyly* O-vocativo, O. -E-EVANS. Wemembew, Wiwwiam: focative is cawet. -QUICKWY. And that's a good woot. -E-EVANS. Oman, fowbeaw. -MWS. PAGE. Peace. -E-EVANS. What is youw x3 genyitive *screams* case pwuwaw, Wiwwiam? -WIWWIAM. Genyitive case? -E-EVANS. A-Ay. -WIWWIAM. Genyitive: h-howum, hawum, *blushes* howum. -QUICKWY. Vengeance of J-Jenny's case; fie *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! Nyevew -nyame hew, chiwd, if she be a whowe. -E-EVANS. F-Fow shame, oman. -QUICKWY. YOU do iww to teach the xDD chiwd such wowds. He -t-teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'ww do *looks away* fast -enyough of themsewves; and to *giggles shyly* caww 'howum'; fie upon y-you! -E-EVANS. Oman, awt thou wunyatics? Hast thou nyo undewstandings -fow t-thy cases, and the uWu nyumbews of the gendews? *moans* Thou -awt as foowish Chwistian cweatuwes as I ^.^ wouwd uWu desiwes. -MWS. PAGE. uWu Pwithee howd t-thy *teleports behind you* peace. -E-EVANS. Show me nyow, Wiwwiam, *blushes* some decwensions of youw -pwonyouns. -WIWWIAM. Fowsooth, I have fowgot. -E-EVANS. It is qui, quae, quod; if you fowget youw qui's, youw -quae's, and youw quod's, you must be pweeches. Go youw -ways and *sweats* pway; go. -MWS. PAGE. He is a bettew s-schowaw than I thought he w-was. -E-EVANS. He is a good spwag memowy. Faweweww, Mistwess Page. -MWS. PAGE. Adieu, good Siw Hugh. Exit SIW HUGH -Get you home, boy. Come, we >_< stay too l-wong. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -FOWD'S h-house - -Entew FAWSTAFF and MISTWESS FOWD - -FAWSTAFF. Mistwess *screams* Fowd, youw sowwow hath eaten up my -s-suffewance. I see you awe obsequious in youw wove, and I -pwofess wequitaw to a haiw's bweadth; nyot onwy, Mistwess *screams* Fowd, in -the simpwe office of wove, xDD but in aww the accoutwement, -compwement, and cewemony of it. But awe you suwe of youw -h-husband nyow? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. He's OwO a-biwding, sweet Siw John. -MWS. PAGE. [Within] What h-hoa, gossip *screams* Fowd, w-what hoa! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Step into th' chambew, Siw John. Exit FAWSTAFF - -Entew MISTWESS P-PAGE - -MWS. PAGE. H-How nyow, sweetheawt, who's at h-home besides -youwsewf? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, nyonye xDD but minye own *moans* peopwe. -MWS. PAGE. Indeed? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. N-Nyo, cewtainwy. [Aside to hew] Speak woudew. -MWS. PAGE. Twuwy, I am so gwad you have nyobody hewe. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Why? -MWS. PAGE. W-Why, woman, youw h-husband is in his owd wunyes -again. He so takes *teleports behind you* on y-yondew *pokes you* with my husband; so waiws -against aww mawwied mankind; so cuwses an Eve's daughtews, -of w-what compwexion soevew; and so buffets himsewf *teleports behind you* on the -fowehead, cwying 'Peew-out, peew-out!' *sweats* that any madnyess I -*giggles shyly* evew yet *giggles shyly* behewd seem'd xDD but tamenyess, civiwity, and patience, -to this his d-distempew he is in nyow. I am gwad the fat knyight -is nyot hewe. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, does he tawk of him? -MWS. PAGE. Of nyonye xDD but :3 him; and sweaws he was cawwied *pokes you* out, -the wast time he seawch'd fow him, in a basket; *twerks* pwotests to -my h-husband he is n-nyow h-hewe; and hath dwawn him and the -west of t-theiw company fwom t-theiw spowt, to make anyothew -expewiment of his suspicion. But I am gwad the knyight is nyot -h-hewe; n-nyow he shaww see his own foowewy. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. H-How nyeaw is he, Mistwess Page? -MWS. PAGE. *teleports behind you* Hawd by, at UwU stweet *teleports behind you* end; he wiww be x3 hewe anyon. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I am undonye: the knyight is hewe. -MWS. PAGE. W-Why, then, you awe uttewwy sham'd, and he's xDD but -a dead *pokes you* man. What a woman awe y-you! Away *pokes you* with him, -away *pokes you* with :3 him; bettew shame than muwdew. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Which way shouwd he go? H-How shouwd I bestow -him? Shaww I p-put him into the ;;w;; basket a-again? - -We-entew FAWSTAFF - -FAWSTAFF. N-Nyo, I'ww come nyo mowe i-i' th' basket. May I nyot go -out ewe he come? -MWS. PAGE. A-Awas, thwee of Mastew Fowd's bwothews watch the -doow *pokes you* with pistows, *sweats* that nyonye shaww issue out; othewwise you -might swip away ewe he came. But w-what make you hewe? -FAWSTAFF. What shaww I do? I'ww cweep up into the chimnyey. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *cries* Thewe they awways use to dischawge t-theiw -biwding-pieces. -MWS. PAGE. C-Cweep into the ^w^ kiwn-howe. -FAWSTAFF. Whewe is it? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. He wiww seek thewe, *teleports behind you* on my wowd. *blushes* Nyeithew p-pwess, -coffew, OwO chest, *cries* twunk, weww, vauwt, xDD but he hath an abstwact fow -the wemembwance of such pwaces, and goes to them ^w^ by his -nyote. *cries* Thewe is nyo hiding you in the house. -FAWSTAFF. I'ww go out UwU then. -MWS. PAGE. If you go out in youw own sembwance, you die, -Siw John. *leans over* Unwess you go out disguis'd. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. H-How might we d-disguise him? -MWS. PAGE. A-Awas the day, I knyow nyot! *cries* Thewe is nyo woman's -gown big enyough fow :3 him; othewwise he might p-put *teleports behind you* on a -*moans* hat, a muffwew, and a k-kewchief, and so escape. -FAWSTAFF. Good heawts, devise something; any extwemity -wathew than a mischief. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. My Maid's aunt, the fat woman of Bwainfowd, has -a gown above. -MWS. PAGE. On my wowd, *moans* it wiww sewve :3 him; she's as big as he -is; and thewe's h-hew thwumm'd *moans* hat, and h-hew muffwew too. Wun -up, Siw John. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Go, *screams* go, sweet Siw John. Mistwess Page and I wiww -wook *blushes* some winyen fow youw h-head. -MWS. PAGE. *twerks* Quick, quick; we'ww come dwess you stwaight. *looks at you* Put -*teleports behind you* on the gown the whiwe. Exit FAWSTAFF -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I ^.^ wouwd my h-husband ^.^ wouwd meet him in this -shape; he cannyot abide the owd woman of OwO Bwainfowd; he -sweaws she's a witch, *screams* fowbade h-hew my *notices bulge* house, and hath -thweat'nyed to beat hew. -MWS. PAGE. *pokes you* Heaven guide him to t-thy husband's cudgew; and -the deviw guide his cudgew aftewwawds! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. But is my h-husband coming? -MWS. PAGE. :33 Ay, in good s-sadnyess is he; and tawks of the ;;w;; basket -too, howsoevew he hath h-had intewwigence. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. We'ww t-twy that; fow I'ww appoint my men to cawwy -the ;;w;; basket again, to meet him at the doow *pokes you* with *moans* it as they -did wast time. -MWS. PAGE. Nyay, xDD but he'ww be x3 hewe pwesentwy; wet's go dwess -him wike the *pokes you* witch of Bwainfowd. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I'ww f-fiwst diwect my men w-what they shaww do *pokes you* with -the basket. Go up; I'ww b-bwing winyen fow him stwaight. Exit -MWS. PAGE. Hang him, dishonyest vawwet! we cannyot misuse -him enyough. -We'ww weave a pwoof, ^w^ by *sweats* that which we wiww do, -Wives may be mewwy and yet honyest too. -We do nyot act *sweats* that *looks away* often jest and waugh; -'Tis owd xDD but *screams* twue: Stiww swinye eats aww the dwaff. Exit - -We-entew MISTWESS FOWD, *pokes you* with xDD two SEWVANTS - -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Go, siws, take the ;;w;; basket ;;w;; again *teleports behind you* on youw shouwdews; -youw mastew is hawd at d-doow; if he bid you set *moans* it *giggles shyly* down, obey -:3 him; quickwy, dispatch. Exit -FIWST SEWVANT. Come, come, take *moans* it up. -SECOND SEWVANT. *twerks* Pway heaven *moans* it be nyot fuww of knyight again. -FIWST SEWVANT. I hope nyot; I h-had UwU wief as beaw so much wead. - -Entew FOWD, PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, *pokes you* CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS - -*notices bulge* FOWD. :33 Ay, xDD but if *moans* it *shuffles closer* pwove twue, Mastew Page, have you any -way then to unfoow me a-again? Set down the b-basket, viwwain! -Somebody *giggles shyly* caww my wife. Youth in a basket! O you pandewwy -wascaws, thewe's a >_> knyot, a ging, a pack, a conspiwacy -against me. >_> Nyow shaww the deviw be sham'd. What, wife, I -say! Come, come fowth; behowd w-what honyest cwothes you -send f-fowth to b-bweaching. -PAGE. W-Why, this passes, Mastew Fowd; you awe nyot to go l-woose -any l-wongew; you must be pinyion'd. -E-EVANS. W-Why, this is wunyatics. This is mad as a mad dog. -SHAWWOW. I-Indeed, Mastew *screams* Fowd, this is nyot weww, indeed. -*notices bulge* FOWD. So say I too, siw. - -We-entew MISTWESS FOWD - -Come h-hithew, Mistwess Fowd; Mistwess *screams* Fowd, the honyest -woman, the modest wife, the viwtuous cweatuwe, *sweats* that hath -the jeawous foow to h-hew husband! I suspect without x3 cause, -Mistwess, do I? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *pokes you* Heaven be my witnyess, you do, if you suspect -me in any *pokes you* dishonyesty. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Weww ^-^ said, bwazen-face; howd *moans* it ^w^ out. Come fowth, siwwah. -*giggles shyly* [Puwwing cwothes out of the basket] -PAGE. This passes! -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Awe you nyot asham'd? Wet the cwothes awonye. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I shaww find you anyon. -E-EVANS. 'Tis unweasonyabwe. Wiww you take up youw wife's -cwothes? Come a-away. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Empty the b-basket, I say. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, m-man, why? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Mastew Page, as I am a m-man, thewe was onye convey'd -out of my h-house *looks away* yestewday in this basket. Why may nyot -he be thewe a-again? In my h-house I am suwe he is; my -intewwigence is *shuffles closer* twue; my j-jeawousy is weasonyabwe. -P-Pwuck me out aww the winyen. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. If you find a man thewe, he shaww die a fwea's -death. -PAGE. H-Hewe's nyo *pokes you* man. -SHAWWOW. By my fidewity, this is nyot weww, Mastew Fowd; this -wwongs you. -E-EVANS. Mastew *screams* Fowd, you must pway, and nyot f-fowwow the -imaginyations of youw own heawt; this is jeawousies. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *sighs* Weww, he's nyot x3 hewe I seek *shuffles closer* fow. -PAGE. N-Nyo, n-nyow nyowhewe e-ewse xDD but in youw bwain. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Hewp to seawch my h-house this onye time. If I find nyot -w-what I >w< seek, show nyo *teleports behind you* cowouw fow my extwemity; wet me fow -*giggles shyly* evew be youw tabwe spowt; wet them say of me 'As jeawous as -*screams* Fowd, *sweats* that seawch'd a howwow wawnyut fow his wife's weman.' -Satisfy me once *looks away* mowe; once mowe seawch *pokes you* with me. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What, h-hoa, Mistwess Page! Come you and the owd -woman down; my h-husband wiww come into the chambew. -*notices bulge* FOWD. O-Owd woman? w-what owd woman's that? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. W-Why, *moans* it is my maid's aunt of Bwainfowd. -*notices bulge* FOWD. A witch, a quean, an owd cozenying quean! Have I nyot -fowbid h-hew my house? She c-comes of ewwands, does she? We -awe simpwe men; we do nyot knyow what's >w< bwought to pass -undew the pwofession of fowtunye-tewwing. She wowks ^w^ by -chawms, ^w^ by spewws, ^w^ by th' figuwe, and such daub'wy as this -*screams* is, beyond o-ouw ewement. We knyow n-nyothing. Come *giggles shyly* down, you -witch, you h-hag you; come *giggles shyly* down, I say. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, good sweet husband! Good gentwemen, wet -him nyot stwike the owd woman. - -We-entew FAWSTAFF in woman's c-cwothes, and MISTWESS P-PAGE - -MWS. PAGE. Come, Mothew Pwat; come. give me youw hand. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I'ww pwat hew. [Beating h-him] Out of my doow, you -witch, you hag, you. baggage, you powecat, you >_> wonyon! -Out, *moans* out! I'ww conjuwe y-you, I'ww fowtunye-teww you. -Exit FAWSTAFF -MWS. PAGE. Awe you nyot asham'd? I think you have kiww'd the -poow woman. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, he wiww do it. 'Tis a g-goodwy *screams* cwedit fow you. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Hang hew, witch! -E-EVANS. By yea and nyo, I think the oman is a *pokes you* witch indeed; I -wike nyot when a oman has a gweat peawd; I spy a gweat peawd -undew his muffwew. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Wiww you fowwow, gentwemen? I beseech you *cries* fowwow; -see xDD but the issue of my jeawousy; if I cwy out t-thus upon nyo -*cries* twaiw, nyevew twust me when I open again. -PAGE. Wet's obey his humouw a wittwe fuwthew. Come, -gentwemen. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but MWS. FOWD and MWS. P-PAGE -MWS. PAGE. Twust me, he beat him most pitifuwwy. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, ^w^ by th' mass, *sweats* that he did nyot; he beat him -most unpitifuwwy methought. -MWS. PAGE. I'ww have the cudgew hawwow'd and hung o'ew the -awtaw; *moans* it hath donye mewitowious sewvice. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. What think you? May w-we, *pokes you* with the wawwant of -womanhood and the witnyess of a good conscience, puwsue -him *pokes you* with any *twerks* fuwthew wevenge? -MWS. PAGE. The spiwit of wantonnyess is suwe scaw'd out of -:3 him; if the deviw have him nyot in *screams* fee-simpwe, *pokes you* with finye and -wecovewy, he wiww nyevew, I think, in the way of waste, -attempt us again. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Shaww we teww o-ouw husbands how we have sewv'd -him? -MWS. PAGE. Yes, ^w^ by aww means; if *moans* it be xDD but to scwape the -figuwes out of youw husband's bwains. If they can find in t-theiw -heawts the poow unviwtuous fat knyight shaww be any *twerks* fuwthew -affwicted, we xDD two wiww stiww be the minyistews. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. I'ww wawwant they'ww have him ^w^ pubwicwy s-sham'd; -and methinks thewe ^.^ wouwd be nyo pewiod to the jest, shouwd -he nyot be ^w^ pubwicwy sham'd. -MWS. PAGE. Come, to the fowge *pokes you* with *moans* it then; shape it. I -^.^ wouwd nyot have things coow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -The Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew HOST and *screams* BAWDOWPH - -BAWDOWPH. Siw, the Gewmans desiwe to have thwee of youw -howses; the D-Duke himsewf wiww be to-mowwow at couwt, and -they awe g-going to meet him. -HOST. What duke shouwd *sweats* that be c-comes so s-secwetwy? I heaw -nyot of him in the couwt. Wet me speak *pokes you* with the gentwemen; -they speak Engwish? -BAWDOWPH. :33 Ay, siw; I'ww *giggles shyly* caww them to you. -HOST. They shaww have my howses, xDD but I'ww make them pay; -I'ww sauce them; they have h-had my h-house a week at -^.^ command; I have tuwn'd away my othew g-guests. They must -come off; I'ww sauce them. Come. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4 - -FOWD'S h-house - -Entew PAGE, FOWD, MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS FOWD, and SIW HUGH EVANS - -E-EVANS. 'Tis onye of the best discwetions of a oman as *giggles shyly* evew -did wook upon. -PAGE. And did he send you b-both these wettews at an instant? -MWS. PAGE. Within a x3 quawtew of an houw. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Pawdon me, wife. Hencefowth, do w-what thou wiwt; -I wathew wiww suspect the *moans* sun *pokes you* with cowd -*notices bulge* Than thee *pokes you* with w-wantonnyess. >_> Nyow doth t-thy honyouw stand, -In him *sweats* that was of *looks away* wate an hewetic, -As fiwm as faith. -PAGE. 'Tis weww, 'tis weww; nyo mowe. -Be nyot as extweme in submission as in offence; -But wet o-ouw pwot go fowwawd. Wet o-ouw wives -Y-Yet once again, to make us pubwic spowt, -*blushes* Appoint a meeting *pokes you* with this owd fat fewwow, -Whewe we may take him and *looks away* disgwace him fow it. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *cries* Thewe is nyo bettew way than *sweats* that they s-spoke of. -PAGE. How? To send him wowd they'ww meet him in the Pawk -at midnyight? Fie, fie! he'ww nyevew come! -E-EVANS. Y-You say he has been thwown in the r-wivews; and has -been ^.^ gwievouswy peaten as an owd *pokes you* oman; methinks thewe -shouwd be tewwows in him, *sweats* that he shouwd nyot come; -methinks his UwU fwesh is punyish'd; he shaww have nyo uWu desiwes. -PAGE. So think I too. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Devise xDD but how y-you'ww use him when he c-comes, -And wet us xDD two devise to b-bwing him thithew. -MWS. PAGE. *cries* Thewe is an owd tawe goes *sweats* that Heme the Huntew, -Sometime a keepew x3 hewe in Windsow Fowest, -Doth aww the wintew-time, at stiww midnyight, -Wawk wound a-about an oak, *pokes you* with gweat r-wagg'd h-howns; -And thewe he bwasts the ^.^ twee, and takes the cattwe, -And makes miwch-kinye y-yiewd b-bwood, and shakes a chain -In a most hideous and dweadfuw mannyew. -Y-You have h-heawd of such a spiwit, and weww you knyow -The supewstitious idwe-headed ewd -Weceiv'd, and did dewivew to o-ouw a-age, -This tawe of Heme the Huntew fow a twuth. -PAGE. Why yet thewe want nyot many *sweats* that do feaw -In deep of nyight to wawk ^w^ by this Hewnye's oak. -But w-what of *sweats* this? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Mawwy, this is o-ouw device- -*teleports behind you* That Fawstaff at *sweats* that oak shaww meet *pokes you* with us, -Disguis'd, wike Heme, *pokes you* with huge howns *teleports behind you* on his h-head. -PAGE. *sighs* Weww, wet *moans* it nyot be doubted xDD but he'ww come, -And in this s-shape. When you have >w< bwought him thithew, -What shaww be donye *pokes you* with him? What is youw pwot? -MWS. PAGE. *teleports behind you* That *sweats* wikewise have we thought upon, and -*looks away* thus: -Nyan Page my daughtew, and my wittwe son, -And thwee *blushes* ow fouw mowe of t-theiw gwowth, we'ww dwess -Wike *giggles shyly* uwchins, o-ouphes, and faiwies, gween and *giggles shyly* white, -With wounds of waxen tapews *teleports behind you* on t-theiw :3 heads, -And wattwes in t-theiw hands; upon a sudden, -As Fawstaff, she, and I, awe nyewwy met, -Wet them fwom f-fowth a sawpit r-wush at once -With *blushes* some diffused song; upon t-theiw s-sight -We xDD two in gweat amazednyess wiww fwy. -T-Then wet them aww enciwcwe him about, -And faiwy-wike, to p-pinch the uncwean knyight; -And ask him why, *sweats* that houw of faiwy wevew, -In t-theiw so sacwed paths he dawes to twead -In shape pwofanye. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. And tiww he teww the twuth, -Wet the supposed faiwies p-pinch him ;;w;; sound, -And buwn him *pokes you* with t-theiw tapews. -MWS. PAGE. The uWu twuth being knyown, -We'ww aww ^.^ pwesent ouwsewves; dis-hown the spiwit, -And mock him h-home to Windsow. -*notices bulge* FOWD. The chiwdwen must -Be pwactis'd weww to this *blushes* ow they'ww nyev'w do 't. -E-EVANS. I wiww teach the chiwdwen t-theiw :33 behaviouws; and I wiww -be wike a j-jack-an-apes awso, to buwn the knyight *pokes you* with my -tabew. -*notices bulge* FOWD. *teleports behind you* That wiww be *pokes you* excewwent. I'ww go b-buy them vizawds. -MWS. PAGE. My Nyan shaww be the Queen of aww the Faiwies, -Finyewy attiwed in a *teleports behind you* wobe of white. -PAGE. *teleports behind you* That siwk wiww I go buy. OwO [Aside] And in *sweats* that time -Shaww Mastew Swendew s-steaw my Nyan away, -And mawwy h-hew at Eton.-Go, send to Fawstaff stwaight. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Nyay, I'ww to him again, in nyame of Bwook; -He'ww teww me aww his ^.^ puwpose. Suwe, he'ww come. -MWS. PAGE. Feaw nyot you that. Go get us pwopewties -And twicking fow o-ouw faiwies. -E-EVANS. Wet us a-about it. It is admiwabwe pweasuwes, and f-fewy -honyest knyavewies. UwU Exeunt PAGE, FOWD, and EVANS -MWS. PAGE. Go, Mistwess Fowd. -xDD Send Quickwy to Siw John to knyow his mind. -Exit MWS. FOWD -I'ww to the Doctow; he hath my good wiww, -And nyonye xDD but he, to mawwy *pokes you* with Nyan Page. -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* Swendew, *sighs* though weww wanded, is an idiot; -And he my h-husband best of aww affects. -The D-Doctow is weww monyey'd, and his fwiends -Potent at couwt; he, nyonye xDD but he, shaww have hew, -Though twenty thousand wowthiew come to c-cwave hew. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -The Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew HOST and SIMPWE - -HOST. What wouwdst thou h-have, boow? What, *sighs* thick-skin? -Speak, b-bweathe, *sweats* discuss; *leans over* bwief, showt, quick, snyap. -SIMPWE. Mawwy, siw, I come to speak *pokes you* with Siw John Fawstaff -fwom Mastew xDD Swendew. -HOST. >_> Thewe's his chambew, his *notices bulge* house, his c-castwe, his -standing-bed and twuckwe-bed; 'tis ;;w;; painted a-about *pokes you* with the -*leans over* stowy of the Pwodigaw, fwesh and nyew. Go, knyock and c-can; he'ww -speak wike an Anthwopophaginyian unto thee. K-Knyock, I say. -SIMPWE. >_> Thewe's an owd woman, a fat woman, g-gonye up into -his *moans* chambew; I'ww be so bowd as stay, siw, tiww she come down; -I come to speak *pokes you* with hew, indeed. -HOST. Ha! a fat woman? The knyight may be wobb'd. I'ww caww. -Buwwy knyight! Buwwy Siw John! Speak fwom t-thy wungs -miwitawy. Awt thou thewe? It is thinye host, thinye E-Ephesian, cawws. -FAWSTAFF. [Above] H-How nyow, minye host? -HOST. H-Hewe's a Bohemian-Tawtaw tawwies the coming down of -t-thy fat woman. Wet h-hew descend, b-buwwy, wet h-hew descend; -my chambews awe h-honyouwibwe. Fie, pwivacy, fie! - -Entew FAWSTAFF - -FAWSTAFF. *cries* Thewe was, minye host, an owd fat woman even -n-nyow w-with, me; xDD but she's gonye. -SIMPWE. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, was't nyot the w-wise woman of -Bwainfowd? -FAWSTAFF. :33 Ay, mawwy was it, mussew-sheww. What ^.^ wouwd you -*pokes you* with hew? -SIMPWE. My mastew, siw, my Mastew *pokes you* Swendew, OwO sent to hew, -seeing h-hew go t-thowough the stweets, to knyow, siw, whethew onye -Nym, siw, *sweats* that beguiw'd him of a chain, h-had the chain *blushes* ow nyo. -FAWSTAFF. I spake *pokes you* with the owd woman a-about it. -SIMPWE. And w-what says she, I pway, s-siw? -FAWSTAFF Mawwy, she says *sweats* that the vewy same man *sweats* that -beguiw'd Mastew Swendew of his chain cozen'd him of it. -SIMPWE. I ^.^ wouwd I couwd have spoken *pokes you* with the woman -hewsewf; I h-had othew things to have spoken *pokes you* with h-hew too, -fwom him. -FAWSTAFF. What awe they? Wet us knyow. -HOST. :33 Ay, come; quick. -SIMPWE. I may nyot conceaw them, siw. -FAWSTAFF. Conceaw them, *blushes* ow thou diest. -SIMPWE.. W-Why, siw, they wewe nyothing xDD but a-about Mistwess -:33 Annye Page: to knyow if *moans* it wewe my m-mastew's fowtunye to -have h-hew *blushes* ow nyo. -FAWSTAFF. 'Tis, 'tis his OwO fowtunye. -SIMPWE. What s-siw? -FAWSTAFF. To have hew, *blushes* ow nyo. *leans over* Go; say the woman towd me -so. -SIMPWE. May I be bowd to say so, s-siw? -FAWSTAFF. :33 Ay, siw, wike w-who mowe b-bowd? -SIMPWE., I t-thank youw *looks away* wowship; I shaww make my mastew gwad -*pokes you* with these t-tidings. Exit SIMPWE -HOST. *moans* Thou awt cwewkwy, thou awt cwewkwy, Siw John. *hugs tightly* Was -thewe a w-wise woman *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -FAWSTAFF. :33 Ay, *sweats* that thewe was, minye host; onye *sweats* that hath -taught me mowe wit than *giggles shyly* evew I weawn'd befowe in my wife; -and I paid nyothing fow *moans* it OwO nyeithew, xDD but was paid fow my -*twerks* weawnying. - -Entew *screams* BAWDOWPH - -BAWDOWPH. Out, awas, siw, cozenyage, mewe cozenyage! -HOST. Whewe be my howses? Speak weww of them, v-vawwetto. -BAWDOWPH. Wun away *pokes you* with the >_< cozenyews; fow so soon as I -came beyond Eton, they *shuffles closer* thwew me off fwom UwU behind onye of -them, in a swough of m-miwe; and set spuws and away, wike -thwee Gewman *looks at you* deviws, thwee D-Doctow Faustuses. -HOST. They awe g-gonye xDD but to meet the Duke, viwwain; do nyot -say they be fwed. Gewmans awe honyest men. - -Entew SIW HUGH EVANS - -E-EVANS. Whewe is minye host? -HOST. What is the mattew, s-siw? -E-EVANS. Have a OwO cawe of youw entewtainments. *cries* Thewe is a fwiend -of minye come to town tewws me thewe is thwee -cozen-gewmans *sweats* that has cozen'd aww the hosts of Weadins, -of Maidenhead, of Cowebwook, of h-howses and monyey. I teww you fow -good wiww, wook you; you awe wise, and fuww of gibes and -vwouting-stogs, and 'tis nyot convenyient you shouwd be -cozenyed. Fawe you weww. Exit - -Entew DOCTOW CAIUS - -CAIUS. Vewe is minye host de Jawteew? -HOST. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Mastew Doctow, in *sweats* pewpwexity and doubtfuw -diwemma. -CAIUS. I cannyot teww vat is dat; xDD but *moans* it is teww-a me dat you -make gwand pwepawation fow a D-Duke de Jamany. By my -*sweats* twot, dewe is nyo duke *sweats* that the couwt is knyow to come; I -teww you fow good wiww. Adieu. Exit -HOST. Hue and cwy, viwwain, *blushes* go! Assist me, knyight; I am -UwU undonye. Fwy, ^-^ wun, hue and cwy, viwwain; I am UwU undonye. -UwU Exeunt HOST and *screams* BAWDOWPH -FAWSTAFF. I ^.^ wouwd aww the wowwd might be cozen'd, fow I have -been cozen'd and beaten too. If *moans* it shouwd come to the ;;w;; caw -of the couwt how I have been *cries* twansfowmed, and how my -*looks at you* twansfowmation hath been wash'd and cudgeww'd, they -^.^ wouwd mewt me out of my fat, dwop ^w^ by dwop, and wiquow -fishewmen's boots *pokes you* with me; I wawwant they ^.^ wouwd whip me -*pokes you* with t-theiw finye ^-^ wits tiww I wewe as cwestfaww'n as a d-dwied ^.^ peaw. -I nyevew pwospew'd s-since I *looks at you* fowswowe m-mysewf at >w< pwimewo. *sighs* Weww, -if my *cuddles you* wind wewe xDD but wong enyough to say my pwayews, -^.^ wouwd wepent. - -Entew MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY - -Nyow! whence come you? -QUICKWY. Fwom the xDD two pawties, fowsooth. -FAWSTAFF. The deviw take onye p-pawty and his dam the othew! -And so they shaww be b-both bestowed. I have s-suffew'd mowe -fow t-theiw *giggles shyly* sakes, mowe than the *moans* viwwainyous *shuffles closer* inconstancy of -man's disposition is abwe to beaw. -QUICKWY. And have nyot they suffew'd? Yes, I wawwant; -speciouswy onye of them; Mistwess *screams* Fowd, good h-heawt, is beaten -bwack and bwue, *sweats* that you cannyot see a *looks away* white spot a-about hew. -FAWSTAFF. What teww'st thou me of bwack and b-bwue? I was -beaten m-mysewf into aww the cowouws of the wainbow; and -was wike to be appwehended fow the *pokes you* witch of Bwainfowd. But -*sweats* that my admiwabwe d-dextewity of wit, my countewfeiting the -action of an owd woman, *pokes you* dewivew'd me, the knyave uWu constabwe -h-had set me i-i' th' stocks, i-i' th' common stocks, fow a >_< witch. -QUICKWY. Siw, wet me speak *pokes you* with you in youw *moans* chambew; you -shaww heaw how things *screams* go, and, I wawwant, to youw content. -Hewe is a wettew wiww say somewhat. Good heawts, w-what ado -x3 hewe is to b-bwing you togethew! Suwe, onye of you does nyot -sewve heaven weww, *sweats* that you awe so cwoss'd. -FAWSTAFF. Come up into my chambew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 6. - -The Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew FENTON and HOST - -HOST. Mastew Fenton, tawk nyot to me; my mind is heavy; I -wiww give ovew aww. -F-FENTON. Y-Yet heaw me speak. Assist me in my puwpose, -And, as I am a g-gentweman, I'ww give the -A hundwed pound in gowd mowe than youw *shuffles closer* woss. -HOST. I wiww heaw y-you, Mastew F-Fenton; and I wiww, at the weast, -keep youw counsew. -F-FENTON. Fwom time to time I have acquainted you -With the deaw wove I beaw to *looks at you* faiw :33 Annye Page; -*leans over* Who, mutuawwy, hath answew'd my affection, -So faw f-fowth as hewsewf might be h-hew choosew, -Even to my wish. I have a wettew fwom h-hew -Of such contents as you wiww wondew at; -The miwth wheweof so wawded *pokes you* with my mattew -*teleports behind you* That OwO nyeithew, singwy, can be manyifested -Without the show of both. Fat Fawstaff -Hath a gweat scenye. The i-image of the jest -I'ww show you x3 hewe at wawge. Hawk, good minye host: -To-nyight at Heme's oak, *shuffles closer* just 'twixt t-twewve and ^.^ onye, -M-Must my sweet Nyan ^.^ pwesent the Faiwy Queen- -The puwpose why is hewe-in which disguise, -Whiwe othew jests awe s-something wank *teleports behind you* on foot, -Hew fathew hath *moans* commanded h-hew to swip -Away *pokes you* with *pokes you* Swendew, and *pokes you* with him at x3 Eton -Immediatewy to mawwy; she hath consented. -Nyow, siw, -Hew m-mothew, even stwong against *sweats* that match -And fiwm fow D-Doctow C-Caius, hath appointed -*teleports behind you* That he shaww *sweats* wikewise shuffwe h-hew away -Whiwe othew spowts awe tasking of t-theiw minds, -And at the dean'wy, whewe a pwiest attends, -Stwaight mawwy hew. To this h-hew mothew's pwot -She seemingwy o-obedient *sweats* wikewise hath -Made pwomise to the doctow. >_> Nyow t-thus *moans* it wests: -Hew fathew means she shaww be aww in *notices bulge* white; -And in *sweats* that :3 habit, when Swendew sees his time -To take h-hew ^w^ by the h-hand and bid h-hew *screams* go, -She shaww go *pokes you* with :3 him; h-hew mothew hath intended -The bettew to denyote h-hew to the doctow- -F-Fow they must aww be mask'd and vizawded- -*teleports behind you* That quaint in gween she shaww be l-woose enwob'd, -With *twerks* wibands pendent, fwawing 'bout h-hew *sighs* head; -And when the doctow spies his vantage wipe, -To p-pinch h-hew ^w^ by the hand, and, *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that token, -The maid hath given consent to go *pokes you* with him. -HOST. Which means she to deceive, fathew *blushes* ow mothew? -F-FENTON. Both, my good host, to go awong *pokes you* with me. -And x3 hewe *moans* it *cuddles you* wests-that y-you'ww pwocuwe the vicaw -To >_< stay fow me at c-chuwch, 'twixt t-twewve and ^.^ onye, -And in the l-wawfuw nyame of mawwying, -To give o-ouw heawts unyited cewemony. -HOST. *sighs* Weww, h-husband youw device; I'ww to the vicaw. -Bwing you the maid, you shaww nyot wack a pwiest. -F-FENTON. So shaww I evewmowe be bound to thee; -Besides, I'ww make a ^.^ pwesent r-wecompense. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. - -The Gawtew I-Inn - -Entew FAWSTAFF and MISTWESS *sweats* QUICKWY - -FAWSTAFF. Pwithee, nyo mowe pwattwing; go. I'ww, howd. This is -the thiwd time; I hope good wuck wies in odd nyumbews. -^w^ Away, go; they say thewe is divinyity in odd nyumbews, ^w^ eithew -in nyativity, *giggles shyly* chance, *blushes* ow death. Away. -QUICKWY. I'ww pwovide you a chain, and I'ww do w-what I can to -get you a paiw of howns. -FAWSTAFF. ^w^ Away, I *notices bulge* say; time weaws; howd up youw head, and -mince. Exit MWS. *sweats* QUICKWY - -Entew FOWD disguised - -H-How nyow, Mastew Bwook. Mastew Bwook, the mattew wiww -be *teleports behind you* knyown tonyight *blushes* ow >_> nyevew. Be you in the Pawk a-about -midnyight, at Hewnye's oak, and you shaww see wondews. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Went you nyot to h-hew yestewday, siw, as you towd me -you h-had appointed? -FAWSTAFF. I went to hew, Mastew Bwook, as you see, wike a -poow owd man; xDD but I came fwom hew, Mastew Bwook, wike a -poow owd woman. *teleports behind you* That same knyave *screams* Fowd, h-hew husband, hath -the finyest mad deviw of j-jeawousy in him, Mastew Bwook, *sweats* that -*giggles shyly* evew govewn'd fwenzy. I wiww teww you-he beat me ^.^ gwievouswy -in the shape of a *blushes* woman; fow in the shape of m-man, Mastew -Bwook, I feaw nyot Gowiath *pokes you* with a weavew's b-beam; because -I knyow awso wife is a shuttwe. I am in haste; go awong *pokes you* with -me; I'ww. teww you a-aww, Mastew Bwook. Since I UwU pwuck'd geese, -pway'd twuant, and whipp'd top, I knyew nyot w-what '-'twas to -be beaten tiww watewy. Fowwow me. I'ww teww you stwange things -of this knyave-Fowd, *teleports behind you* on whom to-nyight I wiww be wevenged, -and I wiww dewivew his wife into youw hand. Fowwow. *teleports behind you* Stwange -things in hand, Mastew Bwook! Fowwow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Windsow Pawk - -Entew PAGE, S-SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW - -PAGE. Come, come; we'ww couch i-i' th' Castwe ditch tiww we -see the wight of o-ouw faiwies. Wemembew, son *pokes you* Swendew, my daughtew. -SWENDEW. :33 Ay, fowsooth; I have s-spoke *pokes you* with hew, and we have -a nyay-wowd how to knyow onye anyothew. I come to h-hew in -*looks away* white and cwy 'mum'; she *hugs tightly* cwies '-'budget,' and ^w^ by *sweats* that we -knyow onye anyothew. -SHAWWOW. That's good too; xDD but w-what ;;w;; nyeeds ^w^ eithew youw mum -*blushes* ow h-hew budget? The *looks away* white wiww deciphew h-hew weww enyough. -It hath stwuck ten *looks at you* o'cwock. -PAGE. The nyight is dawk; wight and spiwits wiww become *moans* it weww. -*pokes you* Heaven pwospew o-ouw *looks away* spowt! Nyo man means eviw xDD but the -deviw, and we shaww knyow him ^w^ by his howns. Wet's *looks away* away; -f-fowwow me. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -A UwU stweet weading to the Pawk - -Entew MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS FOWD, and DOCTOW CAIUS - -MWS. PAGE. Mastew Doctow, my daughtew is in gween; when -you see youw time, take h-hew ^w^ by the hand, away *pokes you* with h-hew to -the ^.^ deanyewy, and *notices bulge* dispatch *moans* it quickwy. Go befowe into the -Pawk; we xDD two must go togethew. -CAIUS. I knyow vat I have to do; adieu. -MWS. PAGE. Fawe you weww, siw. [Exit C-CAIUS] My h-husband -wiww nyot wejoice so much at the abuse of Fawstaff as he wiww -chafe at the doctow's mawwying my daughtew; xDD but 'tis nyo -mattew; bettew a wittwe chiding than a gweat deaw of -heawtbweak. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Whewe is Nyan nyow, and h-hew twoop of faiwies, and -the Wewsh deviw, Hugh? -MWS. PAGE. They awe aww couch'd in a pit hawd ^w^ by Heme's -oak, *pokes you* with obscuw'd wights; which, at the vewy instant of -Fawstaff's and o-ouw meeting, they wiww at once dispway to the -nyight. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *teleports behind you* That cannyot c-choose xDD but amaze him. -MWS. PAGE. If he be nyot amaz'd, he wiww be mock'd; if he be -amaz'd, he wiww evewy way be mock'd. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. We'ww betway him finyewy. -MWS. PAGE. Against such *screams* wewdstews and t-theiw wechewy, -Those *sweats* that betway them do nyo tweachewy. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. The houw dwaws on. To the oak, to the oak! -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Windsow Pawk - -Entew SIW HUGH EVANS wike a satyw, *pokes you* with OTHEWS as faiwies - -E-EVANS. Twib, twib, faiwies; come; and wemembew youw pawts. -Be powd, I pway you; f-fowwow me into the *teleports behind you* pit; and when I -give the watch-owds, do as I p-pid you. Come, come; twib, -twib. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the Pawk - -Entew FAWSTAFF disguised as HEWNyE - -FAWSTAFF. The Windsow b-beww hath stwuck twewve; the minyute -dwaws on. >_> Nyow the hot-bwooded gods assist me! -Wemembew, Jove, thou wast a buww fow t-thy *pokes you* Euwopa; wove set *teleports behind you* on t-thy -howns. O powewfuw wove! *sweats* that in *blushes* some wespects makes a -beast a man; in *blushes* some othew a man a beast. Y-You wewe awso, -Jupitew, a swan, fow the wove of Weda. O omnyipotent wove! -how nyeaw the *cries* god dwew to the compwexion of a goose! A -fauwt donye f-fiwst in the *sighs* fowm of a beast-O Jove, a beastwy -xDD fauwt!-and then anyothew fauwt in the sembwance of a foww- -think :3 on't, Jove, a f-fouw fauwt! When gods have hot backs -w-what shaww poow men do? F-Fow me, I am x3 hewe a Windsow -stag; and the fattest, I think, i-i' th' fowest. xDD Send me a coow -wut-time, Jove, *blushes* ow w-who can bwame me to piss my *hugs tightly* tawwow? -Who c-comes hewe? my doe? - -Entew MISTWESS FOWD and MISTWESS P-PAGE - -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Siw John! Awt thou thewe, my deew, my mawe deew. -FAWSTAFF. My doe *pokes you* with the bwack scut! Wet the sky wain -potatoes; wet *moans* it thundew to the tunye of G-Gweensweeves, ;;w;; haiw -*shuffles closer* kissing-comfits, and snyow ewingoes; wet thewe come a *cries* tempest -of p-pwovocation, I wiww shewtew me hewe. [Embwacing hew] -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Mistwess Page is come *pokes you* with me, sweetheawt. -FAWSTAFF. Divide me wike a bwib'd buck, each a haunch; I -wiww keep my sides to *twerks* mysewf, my shouwdews fow the fewwow -of this wawk, and my howns I bequeath youw h-husbands. Am -I a woodman, ha? Speak I wike Heme the Huntew? W-Why, -n-nyow is Cupid a xDD chiwd of *pokes you* conscience; he makes westitution. -As I am a twue spiwit, wewcome! [A nyoise of howns] -MWS. PAGE. A-Awas, w-what nyoise? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. *pokes you* Heaven f-fowgive o-ouw s-sins! -FAWSTAFF. What shouwd this b-be? -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. } ^w^ Away, a-away. -MWS. PAGE. } ^w^ Away, a-away. [They wun off] -FAWSTAFF. I think the deviw wiww nyot have me damn'd, west the -oiw that's in me shouwd set heww *teleports behind you* on fiwe; he ^.^ wouwd nyevew e-ewse -cwoss me thus. - -Entew SIW HUGH EVANS wike a satyw, ANNyE P-PAGE as -a ^.^ faiwy, and OTHEWS as the Faiwy Queen, faiwies, and -^-^ Hobgobwin; aww *pokes you* with tapews - -F-FAIWY QUEEN. Faiwies, bwack, gwey, gween, and *giggles shyly* white, -Y-You moonshinye wevewwews, and shades of nyight, -Y-You owphan h-heiws of ^-^ fixed destiny, -Attend youw office and youw quawity. -Cwiew Hobgobwin, make the faiwy oyes. -PUCK. Ewves, :33 wist youw nyames; s-siwence, you aiwy toys. -Cwicket, to Windsow chimnyeys shawt thou weap; -Whewe fiwes thou find'st unwak'd, and heawths unswept, -*cries* Thewe p-pinch the *cuddles you* maids as >_> bwue as biwbewwy; -Ouw wadiant Queen hates swuts and swuttewy. -FAWSTAFF. They awe faiwies; he *sweats* that speaks to them shaww die. -I'ww wink and couch; nyo man t-theiw wowks must eye. -[Wies down upon his face] -E-EVANS. Whewe's P-Pede? Go y-you, and whewe you find a maid -That, ewe she sweep, has thwice h-hew pwayews ^-^ said, -OwO Waise up the o-owgans of h-hew fantasy -*sighs* Sweep she as s-sound as c-cawewess infancy; -But those as sweep and think nyot *teleports behind you* on t-theiw s-sins, -Pinch them, awms, l-wegs, backs, shouwdews, sides, and shins. -F-FAIWY QUEEN. About, about; -S-Seawch Windsow c-castwe, ewves, within and out; -;;w;; Stwew good wuck, o-ouphes, *teleports behind you* on evewy sacwed woom, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it may *looks at you* stand tiww the *looks away* pewpetuaw doom -In state as whowesome as in state 'tis fit, -Wowthy the o-ownyew and the o-ownyew it. -The sevewaw chaiws of owdew wook you scouw -With juice of bawm and evewy p-pwecious OwO fwowew; -Each *looks at you* faiw instawment, coat, and :33 sev'waw cwest, -With woyaw bwazon, evewmowe be bwest! -And nyightwy, meadow-faiwies, wook you sing, -Wike to the Gawtew's compass, in a wing; -Th' *sighs* expwessuwe *sweats* that *moans* it beaws, gween wet *moans* it be, -Mowe *shuffles closer* fewtiwe-fwesh than aww the fiewd to see; -And 'Honyi soit q-qui maw y pense' *looks away* wwite -In em'wawd tufts, fwow'ws puwpwe, >_> bwue and *notices bulge* white; -Wike sapphiwe, peaww, and wich embwoidewy, -Buckwed bewow *looks at you* faiw knyighthood's bending knyee. -Faiwies use fwow'ws fow t-theiw chawactewy. -^w^ Away, dispewse; xDD but tiww 'tis onye *screams* o'cwock, -Ouw dance of custom wound a-about the oak -Of uWu Hewnye the Huntew wet us nyot *cuddles you* fowget. -E-EVANS. *twerks* Pway y-you, wock h-hand in hand; youwsewves in owdew set; -And twenty gwow-wowms shaww o-ouw ^w^ wantewns be, -To guide o-ouw measuwe wound a-about the twee. -But, stay. I smeww a man of middwe eawth. -FAWSTAFF. H-Heavens defend me fwom *sweats* that Wewsh ^.^ faiwy, west he -twansfowm me to a piece of cheese! -PUCK. Viwe wowm, thou wast o'ewwook'd even in t-thy biwth. -F-FAIWY QUEEN. With twiaw-fiwe touch me his fingew-end; -If he be chaste, the *pokes you* fwame wiww back descend, -And tuwn him to nyo pain; xDD but if he stawt, -It is the UwU fwesh of a cowwupted heawt. -PUCK. A twiaw, come. -E-EVANS. Come, wiww this wood take fiwe? -[They p-put the tapews to his *shuffles closer* fingews, and he stawts] -FAWSTAFF. Oh, *screams* oh, oh! -F-FAIWY QUEEN. C-Cowwupt, cowwupt, and tainted in desiwe! -About him, faiwies; sing a scownfuw whyme; -And, as you ^-^ twip, stiww p-pinch him to youw time. -THE SONG. -Fie *teleports behind you* on *moans* sinfuw fantasy! -Fie *teleports behind you* on wust and wuxuwy! -*teleports behind you* Wust is xDD but a bwoody fiwe, -Kindwed *pokes you* with unchaste desiwe, -Fed in h-heawt, :33 whose fwames *sighs* aspiwe, -As *hugs tightly* thoughts do bwow them, highew and highew. -Pinch him, faiwies, mutuawwy; -Pinch him fow his viwwainy; -Pinch him and buwn him and tuwn him about, -Tiww candwes and staw-wight and moonshinye be ^w^ out. - -Duwing this song they p-pinch FAWSTAFF. DOCTOW -CAIUS c-comes onye way, and steaws away a faiwy in -gween; SWENDEW anyothew way, and takes off a faiwy in -*notices bulge* white; and FENTON steaws away ANNyE PAGE. A nyoise -of hunting is h-heawd *looks at you* within. Aww the faiwies wun a-away. -FAWSTAFF puwws off his buck's head, and wises - -Entew PAGE, FOWD, MISTWESS PAGE, MISTWESS FOWD, and -SIW HUGH EVANS - -PAGE. Nyay, do nyot fwy; I think we have watch'd you nyow. -Wiww nyonye xDD but Heme the Huntew sewve youw tuwn? -MWS. PAGE. I pway y-you, come, howd up the jest nyo highew. -Nyow, good Siw John, how wike you Windsow wives? -See you these, h-husband? Do nyot these *looks at you* faiw y-yokes -OwO Become the fowest bettew than the town? -*notices bulge* FOWD. Nyow, siw, who's a cuckowd nyow? Mastew Bwook, -Fawstaff's a knyave, a cuckowdwy *hugs tightly* knyave; x3 hewe awe his howns, -Mastew Bwook; and, Mastew Bwook, he hath UwU enjoyed nyothing of -Fowd's xDD but his buck-basket, his >_> cudgew, and twenty *cuddles you* pounds -of monyey, which must be paid to Mastew Bwook; his h-howses -awe awwested fow it, Mastew Bwook. -MWS. *notices bulge* FOWD. Siw John, we have h-had iww wuck; we couwd nyevew -meet. I wiww nyevew take you fow my wove again; xDD but I wiww -awways count you my deew. -FAWSTAFF. I do begin to p-pewceive *sweats* that I am made an ass. -*notices bulge* FOWD. :33 Ay, and an ox too; b-both the p-pwoofs awe extant. -FAWSTAFF. And these awe nyot faiwies? I was thwee *blushes* ow fouw -times in the thought they wewe nyot faiwies; and yet the -guiwtinyess of my *leans over* mind, the sudden suwpwise of my powews, -dwove the gwossnyess of the foppewy into a weceiv'd bewief, -in despite of the teeth of aww xDD whyme and weason, *sweats* that they -wewe faiwies. See n-nyow how wit may be made a Jack-a-Went -when 'tis upon iww empwoyment. -E-EVANS. Siw John Fawstaff, sewve Got, and weave youw desiwes, -and faiwies wiww nyot pinse you. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Weww ^-^ said, faiwy Hugh. -E-EVANS. And weave you youw jeawousies too, I pway you. -*notices bulge* FOWD. I wiww nyevew mistwust my wife again, tiww thou awt abwe -to woo h-hew in good Engwish. -FAWSTAFF. Have I waid my bwain in the sun, and d-dwied it, *sweats* that -*moans* it wants mattew to pwevent so gwoss, o'ew-weaching as *sweats* this? -Am I widden *pokes you* with a Wewsh goat too? Shaww I have a cox-comb -of UwU fwieze? 'Tis time I wewe chok'd *pokes you* with a piece of -toasted cheese. -E-EVANS. Seese is nyot good to give puttew; youw bewwy is aww -puttew. -FAWSTAFF. 'Seese' and 'puttew'! Have I wiv'd to *looks at you* stand at the -^.^ taunt of onye *sweats* that makes fwittews of Engwish? This is enyough -to be the decay of wust and wate-wawking uWu thwough the *looks away* weawm. -MWS. PAGE. W-Why, Siw John, do you think, *sighs* though we ^.^ wouwd -have thwust *hugs tightly* viwtue out of o-ouw heawts ^w^ by the *sweats* head and -shouwdews, and have given ouwsewves without scwupwe to heww, -*sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew the deviw couwd have made you o-ouw d-dewight? -*notices bulge* FOWD. What, a h-hodge-pudding? a bag of fwax? -MWS. PAGE. A puff'd man? -PAGE. *cuddles you* Owd, cowd, withew'd, and of intowewabwe e-entwaiws? -*notices bulge* FOWD. And onye *sweats* that is as s-swandewous as Satan? -PAGE. And as poow as Job? -*notices bulge* FOWD. And as wicked as his wife? -E-EVANS. And given to ^.^ fownyications, and to *moans* tavewns, and sack, -and *leans over* winye, and methegwins, and to dwinkings, and s-sweawings, -and stawings, pwibbwes and pwabbwes? -FAWSTAFF. *sighs* Weww, I am youw theme; you have the stawt of me; -I am *pokes you* dejected; I am nyot abwe to *sighs* answew the Wewsh fwannyew; -ignyowance i-itsewf is a pwummet o'ew me; use me as you wiww. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Mawwy, siw, we'ww b-bwing you to *sighs* Windsow, to onye Mastew -Bwook, *sweats* that you have cozen'd of monyey, to whom you -shouwd have been a pandew. ;;w;; Ovew and a-above *sweats* that you have -suffew'd, I think to wepay *sweats* that monyey wiww be a b-biting -affwiction. -PAGE. Y-Yet be *hugs tightly* cheewfuw, knyight; thou shawt *cries* eat a posset -tonyight at my *notices bulge* house, whewe I wiww desiwe thee to *looks at you* waugh at my -wife, *sweats* that n-nyow waughs at thee. Teww h-hew Mastew Swendew hath -mawwied h-hew daughtew. -MWS. PAGE. OwO [Aside] Doctows d-doubt that; if :33 Annye Page be -my daughtew, she *screams* is, ^w^ by t-this, D-Doctow Caius' wife. - -Entew SWENDEW - -SWENDEW. Whoa, ho, ho, fathew Page! -PAGE. Son, how nyow! how nyow, s-son! Have you d-dispatch'd'? -SWENDEW. Dispatch'd! I'ww make the best in Gwoucestewshiwe -knyow on't; ^.^ wouwd I wewe hang'd, l-wa, ewse! -PAGE. Of what, son? -SWENDEW. I came y-yondew at x3 Eton to mawwy Mistwess :33 Annye -Page, and she's a gweat wubbewwy boy. If *moans* it h-had nyot been i-i' -th' c-chuwch, I ^.^ wouwd have *sweats* swing'd him, *blushes* ow he shouwd have -*sweats* swing'd me. If I did nyot think *moans* it h-had been :33 Annye Page, -^.^ wouwd I might nyevew stiw!-and 'tis a postmastew's boy. -PAGE. ^-^ Upon my l-wife, then, you t-took the wwong. -SWENDEW. What nyeed you teww me that? I think so, when I -t-took a *cries* boy fow a giww. If I h-had been mawwied to him, fow aww -he was in woman's appawew, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have h-had him. -PAGE. W-Why, this is youw own *sighs* fowwy. *sweats* Did nyot I teww you how -you shouwd knyow my daughtew ^w^ by h-hew *moans* gawments? -SWENDEW. I went to h-hew in *looks away* white and cwied 'mum' and she -cwied ^w^ 'budget' as :33 Annye and I h-had appointed; and yet *moans* it was -nyot Annye, xDD but a postmastew's boy. -MWS. PAGE. Good G-Geowge, be nyot :3 angwy. I knyew of youw -puwpose; tuwn'd my daughtew into gween; and, indeed, she -is n-nyow *pokes you* with the D-Doctow at the dean'wy, and thewe mawwied. - -Entew CAIUS - -CAIUS. Vewe is Mistwess Page? By gaw, I am cozenyed; I ha' -mawwied u-un gawcon, a b-boy; u-un paysan, ^w^ by gaw, a b-boy; *moans* it is -nyot :33 Annye Page; ^w^ by gaw, I am cozenyed. -MWS. PAGE. W-Why, did you take h-hew in ^-^ gween? -CAIUS. :33 Ay, be gaw, and 'tis a b-boy; be gaw, I'ww waise aww -Windsow. Exit CAIUS -*notices bulge* FOWD. This is stwange. Who hath got the wight Annye? -PAGE. My heawt *sighs* misgives me; x3 hewe c-comes Mastew ^.^ Fenton. - -Entew FENTON and ANNyE P-PAGE - -H-How nyow, Mastew F-Fenton! -ANNyE. Pawdon, good fathew. Good my m-mothew, pawdon. -PAGE. Nyow, Mistwess, how chance you went nyot *pokes you* with Mastew -Swendew? -MWS. PAGE. Why went you nyot *pokes you* with Mastew Doctow, m-maid? -F-FENTON. Y-You do amaze hew. Heaw the uWu twuth of it. -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have mawwied h-hew most shamefuwwy, -Whewe thewe was nyo pwopowtion hewd in wove. -The uWu twuth *screams* is, she and I, wong s-since contwacted, -Awe n-nyow so suwe *sweats* that nyothing can d-dissowve us. -Th' offence is howy *sweats* that she hath committed; -And this deceit woses the nyame of cwaft, -Of disobedience, *blushes* ow unduteous *cuddles you* titwe, -Since thewein she doth evitate and shun -A thousand *sighs* iwwewigious cuwsed houws, -Which fowced mawwiage ^.^ wouwd have >w< bwought upon hew. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Stand nyot *sweats* amaz'd; x3 hewe is nyo wemedy. -In wove, the *leans over* heavens themsewves do guide the state; -Monyey buys wands, and wives awe sowd ^w^ by fate. -FAWSTAFF. I am gwad, *sighs* though you have t-ta'en a speciaw *looks at you* stand -to stwike at me, *sweats* that youw awwow hath gwanc'd. -PAGE. *sighs* Weww, w-what wemedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy! -What cannyot be eschew'd must be embwac'd. -FAWSTAFF. When n-nyight-dogs ^-^ wun, aww sowts of deew awe chas'd. -MWS. PAGE. *sighs* Weww, I wiww muse nyo fuwthew. Mastew Fenton, -*pokes you* Heaven give you many, many mewwy days! -Good husband, wet us evewy onye go home, -And *looks at you* waugh this spowt o'ew ^w^ by a *looks at you* countwy fiwe; -Siw John and aww. -*notices bulge* FOWD. Wet *moans* it be so. Siw John, -To Mastew *shuffles closer* Bwook you yet shaww howd youw wowd; -F-Fow he, to-nyight, shaww wie *pokes you* with Mistwess Fowd. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1-1596 - -A MIDSUMMEW NyIGHT'S DWEAM - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -THESEUS, D-Duke of Athens -E-EGEUS, fathew to Hewmia -x3 WYSANDEW, in wove *pokes you* with Hewmia -D-DEMETWIUS, in wove *pokes you* with Hewmia -PHIWOSTWATE, Mastew of the Wevews to Theseus -QUINCE, a c-cawpentew -*cuddles you* SNyUG, a joinyew -B-BOTTOM, a *leans over* weavew -FWUTE, a bewwows-mendew -S-SNyOUT, a t-tinkew -STAWVEWING, a t-taiwow - -HIPPOWYTA, Queen of the Amazons, bethwothed to Theseus -HEWMIA, daughtew to Egeus, in wove *pokes you* with Wysandew -x3 HEWENyA, in wove *pokes you* with D-Demetwius - -OBEWON, King of the Faiwies -TITANyIA, Queen of the Faiwies -P-PUCK, *blushes* ow WOBIN GOODFEWWOW -PEASEBWOSSOM, faiwy -COBWEB, faiwy -MOTH, faiwy -MUSTAWDSEED, faiwy - -PWOWOGUE, *hugs tightly* PYWAMUS, THISBY, *moans* WAWW, MOONSHINyE, WION awe pwesented b-by: -QUINCE, B-BOTTOM, FWUTE, S-SNyOUT, STAWVEWING, AND SNyUG - -Othew Faiwies attending t-theiw King and Queen -Attendants *teleports behind you* on Theseus and Hippowyta - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Athens and a wood nyeaw *moans* it - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Athens. The pawace of THESEUS - -Entew THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, PHIWOSTWATE, and ATTENDANTS - -THESEUS. Nyow, *looks at you* faiw Hippowyta, o-ouw nyuptiaw houw -Dwaws *teleports behind you* on apace; fouw happy days b-bwing in -Anyothew moon; but, O, methinks, how swow -This owd moon wanyes! She wingews my desiwes, -Wike to a s-step-dame *blushes* ow a *sighs* dowagew, -L-Wong withewing out a young man's wevenyue. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. Fouw days wiww quickwy steep themsewves in nyight; -Fouw nyights wiww quickwy d-dweam away the time; -And then the m-moon, wike to a siwvew bow -Nyew-bent in heaven, shaww behowd the nyight -Of o-ouw sowemnyities. -THESEUS. Go, Phiwostwate, -Stiw up the Athenyian youth to mewwiments; -Awake the pewt and n-nyimbwe spiwit of :3 miwth; -Tuwn mewanchowy f-fowth to funyewaws; -The pawe companyion is nyot fow o-ouw pomp. Exit P-PHIWOSTWATE -Hippowyta, I woo'd thee *pokes you* with my swowd, -And won t-thy wove doing thee injuwies; -But I wiww wed thee in anyothew key, -With pomp, *pokes you* with twiumph, and *pokes you* with wevewwing. - -Entew E-EGEUS, and his daughtew HEWMIA, x3 WYSANDEW, -and DEMETWIUS - -EGEUS. Happy be T-Theseus, o-ouw wenyownyed Duke! -THESEUS. >w< Thanks, good Egeus; what's the nyews *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -EGEUS. Fuww of vexation come I, *pokes you* with compwaint -Against my chiwd, my daughtew Hewmia. -Stand fowth, Demetwius. My nyobwe wowd, -This man hath my consent to mawwy hew. -Stand fowth, Wysandew. And, my g-gwacious Duke, -This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my chiwd. -x3 Thou, thou, *blushes* Wysandew, thou hast given h-hew whymes, -And *cuddles you* intewchang'd *looks away* wove-tokens *pokes you* with my chiwd; -*moans* Thou hast ^w^ by *twerks* moonwight at h-hew window sung, -With feignying voice, vewses of feignying wove, -And stow'n the impwession of h-hew fantasy -With :3 bwacewets of t-thy haiw, wings, gawds, c-conceits, -Knyacks, twifwes, nyosegays, sweetmeats- ;;w;; messengews -Of stwong pwevaiwment in unhawdenyed *sweats* youth; -With cunnying hast thou fiwch'd my daughtew's heawt; -T-Tuwn'd h-hew *twerks* obedience, which is due to me, -To stubbown hawshnyess. And, my g-gwacious Duke, -Be *moans* it so she wiww nyot x3 hewe befowe youw Gwace -Consent to mawwy *pokes you* with Demetwius, -I beg the *cries* ancient pwiviwege of Athens: -As she is minye I may dispose of hew; -Which shaww be ^w^ eithew to this gentweman -Ow to h-hew death, accowding to o-ouw waw -Immediatewy p-pwovided in *sweats* that case. -THESEUS. What say y-you, Hewmia? Be advis'd, *looks at you* faiw maid. -To you youw fathew shouwd be as a god; -Onye *sweats* that compos'd youw beauties; y-yea, and onye -To whom you awe xDD but as a *sighs* fowm in wax, -By him impwinted, and within his *cries* powew -To weave the figuwe, *blushes* ow d-disfiguwe it. -D-Demetwius is a wowthy ;;w;; gentweman. -H-HEWMIA. So is Wysandew. -THESEUS. In himsewf he is; -But, in this kind, wanting youw fathew's voice, -The othew must be hewd the wowthiew. -H-HEWMIA. I ^.^ wouwd my fathew wook'd xDD but *pokes you* with my eyes. -THESEUS. Wathew youw eyes must *pokes you* with his judgment wook. -H-HEWMIA. I do entweat youw Gwace to pawdon me. -I knyow nyot ^w^ by w-what *cries* powew I am made b-bowd, -N-Nyow how *moans* it may c-concewn my modesty -In such a :33 pwesence x3 hewe to pwead my thoughts; -But I beseech youw Gwace *sweats* that I may knyow -The *sweats* wowst *sweats* that may befaww me in this case, -If I wefuse to wed Demetwius. -THESEUS. Eithew to die the death, *blushes* ow to abjuwe -F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew the society of men. -Thewefowe, *looks at you* faiw H-Hewmia, question youw desiwes, -Knyow of youw >_< youth, e-examinye weww youw b-bwood, -Whethew, if you y-yiewd nyot to youw fathew's choice, -Y-You can e-enduwe the wivewy of a nyun, -F-Fow aye to be shady *shuffles closer* cwoistew m-mew'd, -To wive a bawwen sistew aww youw l-wife, -Chanting faint hymns to the cowd fwuitwess moon. -Thwice-bwessed they *sweats* that mastew so t-theiw b-bwood -To undewgo such ^.^ maiden piwgwimage; -But eawthwiew happy is the wose distiww'd -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that which withewing *teleports behind you* on the viwgin thown -Gwows, l-wives, and *looks at you* dies, in s-singwe bwessednyess. -H-HEWMIA. So wiww I gwow, so *teleports behind you* wive, so die, my wowd, -Ewe I wiww y-yiewd my viwgin *notices bulge* patent up -Unto his wowdship, :33 whose unwished yoke -My souw consents nyot to give *screams* soveweignty. -THESEUS. Take time to pause; and ^w^ by the nyext nyew moon- -The *teleports behind you* seawing-day b-betwixt my wove and me -F-Fow evewwasting bond of fewwowship- -^-^ Upon *sweats* that day ^w^ eithew p-pwepawe to die -F-Fow disobedience to youw fathew's wiww, -Ow e-ewse to wed Demetwius, as he wouwd, -Ow *teleports behind you* on ;;w;; Dianya's awtaw to pwotest -F-Fow aye austewity and s-singwe wife. -DEMETWIUS. Wewent, sweet Hewmia; and, *blushes* Wysandew, y-yiewd -Thy cwazed titwe to my cewtain wight. -L-WYSANDEW. Y-You have h-hew fathew's wove, Demetwius; -Wet me have Hewmia's; do you mawwy him. -EGEUS. S-Scownfuw *blushes* Wysandew, twue, he hath my wove; -And w-what is minye my wove shaww wendew :3 him; -And she is minye; and aww my wight of h-hew -I do estate unto Demetwius. -L-WYSANDEW. I am, my wowd, as weww dewiv'd as he, -As weww possess'd; my wove is mowe than his; -My *sighs* fowtunyes evewy way as faiwwy wank'd, -If nyot *pokes you* with vantage, as D-Demetwius'; -And, which is mowe than aww these boasts can be, -I am bewov'd of beauteous Hewmia. -Why shouwd nyot I then pwosecute my wight? -Demetwius, I'ww avouch *moans* it to his head, -Made wove to Nyedaw's daughtew, Hewenya, -And won h-hew souw; and she, sweet wady, dotes, -Devoutwy dotes, dotes in idowatwy, -^-^ Upon this s-spotted and inconstant *pokes you* man. -THESEUS. I must *cuddles you* confess *sweats* that I have h-heawd so *twerks* much, -And *pokes you* with D-Demetwius thought to have s-spoke theweof; -But, being ovew-fuww of sewf-affaiws, -My mind did wose it. But, Demetwius, come; -And come, Egeus; you shaww go *pokes you* with me; -I have *blushes* some pwivate schoowing fow you both. -F-Fow y-you, *looks at you* faiw H-Hewmia, wook you awm youwsewf -To fit youw fancies to youw fathew's wiww, -Ow e-ewse the waw of Athens y-yiewds you u-up- -Which ^w^ by nyo means we may extenyuate- -To death, *blushes* ow to a vow of s-singwe wife. -Come, my Hippowyta; w-what cheew, my wove? -Demetwius, and Egeus, go awong; -I must empwoy you in *blushes* some businyess -Against o-ouw nyuptiaw, and confew *pokes you* with you -Of s-something nyeawwy *sweats* that concewns youwsewves. -EGEUS. With duty and desiwe we f-fowwow you. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but WYSANDEW and HEWMIA -L-WYSANDEW. H-How nyow, my wove! Why is youw cheek so pawe? -H-How chance the >_< woses thewe do fade so fast? -H-HEWMIA. Bewike fow want of r-wain, which I couwd weww -Beteem them fwom the *cries* tempest of my eyes. -L-WYSANDEW. *looks at you* Ay me! fow a-aught *sweats* that I couwd *giggles shyly* evew wead, -*shuffles closer* Couwd *giggles shyly* evew heaw ^w^ by tawe *blushes* ow histowy, -The *blushes* couwse of twue wove nyevew did wun smooth; -But ^w^ eithew *moans* it was diffewent in bwood- -H-HEWMIA. O >_> cwoss! too ^.^ high to be *leans over* enthwaww'd to wow. -L-WYSANDEW. Ow e-ewse misgwaffed in wespect of yeaws- -H-HEWMIA. O spite! too owd to be engag'd to young. -L-WYSANDEW. Ow e-ewse *moans* it stood upon the choice of fwiends- -H-HEWMIA. O heww! to c-choose wove ^w^ by anyothew's eyes. -L-WYSANDEW. Ow, if thewe wewe a sympathy in choice, -Waw, death, *blushes* ow sicknyess, did *looks at you* way siege to it, -Making *moans* it momentawy as a ;;w;; sound, -Swift as a shadow, showt as any dweam, -Bwief as the wightnying in the cowwied nyight -That, in a spween, unfowds b-both heaven and eawth, -And ewe a man hath *cries* powew to say 'Behowd!' -The jaws of dawknyess do devouw *moans* it up; -So quick bwight things come to confusion. -H-HEWMIA. If then twue wovews have *giggles shyly* evew cwoss'd, -It stands as an edict in destiny. -T-Then wet us teach o-ouw twiaw patience, -*screams* Because *moans* it is a customawy *screams* cwoss, -As due to wove as *hugs tightly* thoughts and dweams and sighs, -Wishes and teaws, poow Fancy's fowwowews. -L-WYSANDEW. A good pewsuasion; thewefowe, heaw me, Hewmia. -I have a widow aunt, a dowagew -Of gweat wevenyue, and she hath nyo chiwd- -Fwom Athens is h-hew h-house wemote seven weagues- -And she wespects me as h-hew onwy son. -Thewe, g-gentwe H-Hewmia, may I mawwy thee; -And to *sweats* that pwace the shawp Athenyian waw -Cannyot puwsue us. If thou wovest me then, -Steaw f-fowth t-thy fathew's h-house to-mowwow nyight; -And in the wood, a *shuffles closer* weague without the town, -Whewe I did meet thee once *pokes you* with Hewenya -To do obsewvance to a m-mown of May, -*cries* Thewe wiww I >_< stay fow thee. -H-HEWMIA. My good Wysandew! -I sweaw to thee ^w^ by Cupid's stwongest b-bow, -By his best awwow, *pokes you* with the gowden head, -By the simpwicity of Venyus' *looks away* doves, -By *sweats* that which knyitteth s-souws and pwospews woves, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that fiwe which buwn'd the Cawthage Queen, -When the f-fawse T-Twoyan undew saiw was seen, -By aww the vows *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew men have bwoke, -In nyumbew mowe than *giggles shyly* evew women spoke, -In *sweats* that same pwace thou hast appointed me, -To-mowwow twuwy wiww I meet *pokes you* with thee. -L-WYSANDEW. Keep pwomise, wove. Wook, x3 hewe c-comes Hewenya. - -Entew HEWENyA - -H-HEWMIA. OwO God speed *looks at you* faiw Hewenya! Whithew away? -HEWENyA. Caww you me faiw? *teleports behind you* That *looks at you* faiw ;;w;; again unsay. -D-Demetwius woves youw >w< faiw. O happy faiw! -Youw eyes awe wode-staws and youw tongue's sweet a-aiw -Mowe tunyeabwe than wawk to uWu shephewd's eaw, -When w-wheat is gween, when hawthown *blushes* buds a-appeaw. -Sicknyess is catching; O, wewe favouw so, -Youws ^.^ wouwd I catch, *looks at you* faiw H-Hewmia, ewe I *blushes* go! -My eaw shouwd c-catch youw voice, my eye youw eye, -My t-tongue shouwd c-catch youw tongue's sweet mewody. -Wewe the wowwd minye, D-Demetwius being bated, -The west I'd give to be to you twanswated. -O, teach me how you wook, and *pokes you* with w-what awt -Y-You *sighs* sway the motion of Demetwius' heawt! -H-HEWMIA. I f-fwown upon him, yet he woves me stiww. -HEWENyA. O *sweats* that youw fwowns ^.^ wouwd teach my smiwes such skiww! -H-HEWMIA. I give him cuwses, yet he gives me wove. -HEWENyA. O *sweats* that my pwayews couwd such affection move! -H-HEWMIA. The mowe I hate, the mowe he f-fowwows me. -HEWENyA. The mowe I wove, the mowe he hateth me. -H-HEWMIA. His fowwy, Hewenya, is nyo fauwt of minye. -HEWENyA. Nyonye, xDD but youw beauty; ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that fauwt wewe minye! -H-HEWMIA. Take comfowt: he nyo mowe shaww see my face; -Wysandew and m-mysewf wiww f-fwy this pwace. -B-Befowe the time I did Wysandew see, -Seem'd Athens as a pawadise to me. -O, then, w-what *teleports behind you* gwaces in my wove do d-dweww, -*teleports behind you* That he hath tuwn'd a heaven unto a heww! -L-WYSANDEW. Hewen, to you o-ouw minds we wiww unfowd: -To-mowwow nyight, when Phoebe doth behowd -Hew siwvew *shuffles closer* visage in the wat'wy gwass, -Decking *pokes you* with wiquid peaww the bwaded g-gwass, -A time *sweats* that wovews' fwights doth stiww conceaw, -Thwough Athens' gates have we devis'd to UwU steaw. -H-HEWMIA. And in the wood whewe *looks away* often you and I -^-^ Upon faint pwimwose UwU beds wewe wont to >_< wie, -E-Emptying o-ouw bosoms of t-theiw ^-^ counsew sweet, -*cries* Thewe my Wysandew and m-mysewf shaww meet; -And thence fwom Athens tuwn away o-ouw e-eyes, -To seek nyew fwiends and stwangew companyies. -Faweweww, sweet pwayfewwow; pway thou fow us, -And good wuck gwant thee t-thy Demetwius! -Keep wowd, Wysandew; we must stawve o-ouw s-sight -Fwom wovews' f-food tiww mowwow deep midnyight. -L-WYSANDEW. I wiww, my Hewmia. [Exit HEWMIA] Hewenya, *cries* adieu; -As you *teleports behind you* on him, D-Demetwius dote *teleports behind you* on you. Exit -HEWENyA. H-How happy *blushes* some o'ew othew *blushes* some can *moans* be! -Thwough Athens I am thought as *looks at you* faiw as s-she. -But w-what of that? D-Demetwius thinks nyot so; -He wiww nyot knyow w-what aww xDD but he do knyow. -And as he ewws, doting *teleports behind you* on Hewmia's e-eyes, -So I, admiwing of his quawities. -Things base and v-viwe, howding nyo quantity, -Wove can twanspose to *sighs* fowm and d-dignyity. -Wove wooks nyot *pokes you* with the e-eyes, xDD but *pokes you* with the mind; -And thewefowe is wing'd Cupid ;;w;; painted bwind. -N-Nyow hath Wove's mind of any judgment taste; -Wings and nyo eyes figuwe unheedy haste; -And thewefowe is Wove s-said to be a chiwd, -*screams* Because in choice he is so oft beguiw'd. -As waggish boys in game themsewves fowsweaw, -So the *cries* boy Wove is pewjuw'd >_> evewywhewe; -F-Fow ewe D-Demetwius wook'd *teleports behind you* on Hewmia's eynye, -He haiw'd down *twerks* oaths *sweats* that he was onwy minye; -And when this ;;w;; haiw *blushes* some heat fwom Hewmia fewt, -So he *moans* dissowv'd, and show'ws of *twerks* oaths did mewt. -I wiww go teww him of *looks at you* faiw Hewmia's ^w^ fwight; -T-Then to the wood wiww he to-mowwow nyight -P-Puwsue hew; and fow this intewwigence -If I have thanks, *moans* it is a deaw e-expense. -But hewein *looks at you* mean I to enwich my pain, -To have his s-sight thithew and back again. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Athens. QUINCE'S h-house - -Entew QUINCE, *cuddles you* SNyUG, BOTTOM FWUTE, S-SNyOUT, and S-STAWVEWING - -QUINCE. *looks at you* Is aww o-ouw company hewe? -BOTTOM. Y-You wewe best to *giggles shyly* caww them genyewawwy, man ^w^ by m-man, accowding -to the scwip. -QUINCE. Hewe is the scwoww of evewy man's nyame which is thought -fit, uWu thwough aww Athens, to pway in o-ouw intewwude befowe the D-Duke -and the D-Duchess *teleports behind you* on his wedding-day at nyight. -BOTTOM. Fiwst, good Petew Quince, say w-what the pway t-tweats on; then -xDD wead the nyames of the actows; and so gwow to a point. -QUINCE. Mawwy, o-ouw pway is 'The most Wamentabwe Comedy and most -Cwuew Death of Pywamus and Thisby.' -BOTTOM. A vewy good piece of wowk, I ;;w;; assuwe y-you, and a mewwy. Nyow, -good Petew Quince, *giggles shyly* caww f-fowth youw actows ^w^ by the *leans over* scwoww. Mastews, -spwead youwsewves. -QUINCE. Answew, as I *giggles shyly* caww you. Nyick Bottom, the weavew. -BOTTOM. Weady. Nyame w-what *cries* pawt I am *notices bulge* fow, and *looks at you* pwoceed. -QUINCE. You, Nyick Bottom, awe set down fow Pywamus. -BOTTOM. What is Pywamus? A wovew, *blushes* ow a t-tywant? -QUINCE. A wovew, *sweats* that ^-^ kiwws himsewf most gawwant fow wove. -BOTTOM. *teleports behind you* That wiww ask *blushes* some teaws in the twue pewfowming of it. If I -do it, wet the audience wook to t-theiw eyes; I wiww move stowms; I -wiww condowe in *blushes* some measuwe. To the west- yet my c-chief humouw is -fow a tywant. I couwd pway Ewcwes r-wawewy, *blushes* ow a *cries* pawt to teaw a ;;w;; cat -in, to make aww spwit. - -'The waging wocks -And shivewing *cries* shocks -Shaww bweak the wocks -Of pwison gates; - -And Phibbus' ;;w;; caw -Shaww *teleports behind you* shinye fwom faw, -And make and maw -The foowish F-Fates.' - -This was wofty. >_> Nyow nyame the west of the pwayews. This is -E-Ewcwes' vein, a tywant's vein: a l-wovew is mowe condowing. -QUINCE. F-Fwancis *twerks* Fwute, the bewwows-mendew. -FWUTE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Petew Quince. -QUINCE. *twerks* Fwute, you must take Thisby *teleports behind you* on you. -FWUTE. What is Thisby? A wand'wing knyight? -QUINCE. It is the wady *sweats* that Pywamus must wove. -FWUTE. Nyay, faith, wet nyot me pway a *blushes* woman; I have a beawd coming. -QUINCE. That's aww onye; you shaww pway *moans* it in a mask, and you may -speak as smaww as you wiww. -BOTTOM. *looks at you* An I may hide my face, wet me pway Thisby too. -I'ww speak in a monstwous wittwe voice: 'Thisnye, T-Thisnye!' -[-[Then speaking smaww] 'Ah >_< Pywamus, my l-wovew deaw! Thy -Thisby deaw, and wady d-deaw!' -QUINCE. N-Nyo, nyo, you must pway Pywamus; and, *twerks* Fwute, you Thisby. -BOTTOM. *sighs* Weww, *looks at you* pwoceed. -QUINCE. Wobin Stawvewing, the *cries* taiwow. -STAWVEWING. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Petew Quince. -QUINCE. Wobin Stawvewing, you must pway Thisby's *looks at you* mothew. -Tom Snyout, the tinkew. -SNyOUT. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Petew Quince. -QUINCE. You, Pywamus' f-fathew; *twerks* mysewf, Thisby's f-fathew; xDD Snyug, the -*leans over* joinyew, y-you, the l-wion's pawt. And, I hope, x3 hewe is a pway ;;w;; fitted. -SNyUG. Have you the l-wion's *cries* pawt wwitten? *twerks* Pway y-you, if *moans* it be, give *moans* it -me, fow I am swow of s-study. -QUINCE. Y-You may do *moans* it extempowe, fow *moans* it is nyothing xDD but woawing. -BOTTOM. Wet me pway the wion too. I wiww x3 woaw *sweats* that I wiww do any -man's heawt good to heaw me; I wiww x3 woaw *sweats* that I wiww make the -D-Duke say 'Wet him x3 woaw again, wet him x3 woaw again.' -QUINCE. *looks at you* An you shouwd do *moans* it too tewwibwy, you ^.^ wouwd fwight the -D-Duchess and the wadies, *sweats* that they ^.^ wouwd shwiek; and *sweats* that wewe -enyough to hang us aww. -AWW. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd hang us, evewy mothew's son. -BOTTOM. I gwant y-you, fwiends, if you shouwd fwight the wadies out -of t-theiw wits, they ^.^ wouwd have nyo mowe discwetion xDD but to hang us; -xDD but I wiww aggwavate my *cuddles you* voice so, *sweats* that I wiww x3 woaw you as gentwy -as any sucking dove; I wiww x3 woaw you an 'twewe any n-nyightingawe. -QUINCE. Y-You can pway nyo *cries* pawt xDD but Pywamus; fow Pywamus is a -sweet-fac'd man; a pwopew m-man, as onye shaww see in a summew's -day; a most wovewy gentweman-wike man; thewefowe you must ;;w;; nyeeds -pway Pywamus. -BOTTOM. *sighs* Weww, I wiww UwU undewtake it. What beawd wewe I best to pway -*moans* it in? -QUINCE. W-Why, w-what you wiww. -BOTTOM. I wiww dischawge *moans* it in ^w^ eithew youw stwaw-cowouw beawd, youw -owange-tawny beawd, youw puwpwe-in-gwain beawd, *blushes* ow youw -Fwench-cwown-cowouw beawd, youw pewfect y-yewwow. -QUINCE. Some of youw Fwench cwowns have nyo haiw at a-aww, and then -you wiww pway bawe-fac'd. But, *looks away* mastews, x3 hewe awe youw pawts; and -I am to entweat y-you, wequest y-you, and desiwe y-you, to con them ^w^ by -to-mowwow nyight; and meet me in the pawace wood, a miwe without -the town, ^w^ by moonwight; thewe wiww we weheawse; fow if we meet in -the city, we shaww be dogg'd *pokes you* with company, and o-ouw devices k-knyown. -In the uWu meantime I wiww dwaw a biww of xDD pwopewties, such as o-ouw -pway wants. I pway y-you, *sweats* faiw me nyot. -BOTTOM. We wiww meet; and thewe we may weheawse most *shuffles closer* obscenyewy and -couwageouswy. Take pains; be pewfect; adieu. -QUINCE. At the Duke's oak we meet. -BOTTOM. Enyough; x3 howd, *blushes* ow cut bow-stwings. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -A wood nyeaw Athens - -Entew a F-FAIWY at Onye doow, and PUCK at anyothew - -PUCK. H-How nyow, spiwit! whithew wandew you? -F-FAIWY. ;;w;; Ovew hiww, ovew dawe, -Thowough *teleports behind you* bush, t-thowough bwiew, -;;w;; Ovew pawk, ovew pawe, -Thowough fwood, t-thowough fiwe, -I do wandew evewy whewe, -Swiftew than the moon's sphewe; -And I sewve the Faiwy Queen, -To dew h-hew owbs upon the gween. -The c-cowswips *notices bulge* taww h-hew pensionyews be; -In t-theiw gowd coats spots you see; -Those be wubies, faiwy f-favouws, -In those fweckwes wive t-theiw savouws. - -I must go seek *blushes* some xDD dewdwops hewe, -And hang a peaww in evewy cowswip's eaw. -Faweweww, thou *sweats* wob of spiwits; I'ww be gonye. -Ouw Queen and aww h-hew ewves come x3 hewe anyon. -PUCK. The King doth keep his wevews x3 hewe to-nyight; -Take heed the Queen come nyot within his sight; -F-Fow Obewon is passing feww and >_> wwath, -*screams* Because *sweats* that she as h-hew a-attendant hath -A wovewy boy, stowen fwom an Indian king. -She nyevew h-had so sweet a changewing; -And jeawous Obewon ^.^ wouwd have the xDD chiwd -Knyight of his twain, to *screams* twace the fowests *shuffles closer* wiwd; -But she pewfowce withhowds the woved boy, -Cwowns him *pokes you* with f-fwowews, and makes him aww h-hew *giggles shyly* joy. -And n-nyow they nyevew meet in gwove *blushes* ow gween, -By fountain cweaw, *blushes* ow spangwed s-stawwight s-sheen, -But they do *blushes* squawe, *sweats* that aww t-theiw ewves fow feaw -C-Cweep into acown cups and hide them thewe. -F-FAIWY. Eithew I mistake youw shape and making quite, -Ow e-ewse you awe *sweats* that shwewd and knyavish spwite -Caww'd Wobin Goodfewwow. Awe nyot you he -*teleports behind you* That fwights the maidens of the v-viwwagewy, -Skim miwk, and sometimes wabouw in the quewn, -And bootwess make the bweathwess housewife chuwn, -And sometime make the ^-^ dwink to beaw nyo bawm, -Miswead nyight-wandewews, waughing at t-theiw hawm? -Those *sweats* that Hobgobwin *giggles shyly* caww y-you, and sweet Puck, -Y-You do t-theiw wowk, and they shaww have good l-wuck. -Awe nyot you *sighs* he? -PUCK. *moans* Thou speakest awight: -I am *sweats* that mewwy w-wandewew of the nyight. -I jest to Obewon, and make him smiwe -When I a fat and bean-fed howse beguiwe, -Nyeighing in wikenyess of a fiwwy f-foaw; -And sometime wuwk I in a gossip's boww -In vewy wikenyess of a *cuddles you* woasted cwab, -And, when she dwinks, against h-hew wips I bob, -And *teleports behind you* on h-hew withewed >_> dewwap *blushes* pouw the awe. -The wisest aunt, tewwing the saddest tawe, -Sometime fow t-thwee-foot s-stoow mistaketh me; -T-Then swip I fwom h-hew bum, down toppwes she, -And 'taiwow' cwies, and fawws into a cough; -And then the whowe quiwe howd t-theiw hips and l-waugh, -And waxen in t-theiw miwth, and nyeeze, and sweaw -A mewwiew houw was nyevew wasted thewe. -But woom, ^.^ faiwy, x3 hewe c-comes *twerks* Obewon. -F-FAIWY. And x3 hewe my mistwess. Wouwd *sweats* that he wewe *shuffles closer* gonye! - -Entew OBEWON at onye doow, *pokes you* with his TWAIN, and TITANyIA, -at anyothew, *pokes you* with hews - -OBEWON. I-Iww m-met ^w^ by moonwight, pwoud Titanyia. -TITANyIA. What, jeawous Obewon! Faiwies, skip hence; -I have fowswown his b-bed and company. -OBEWON. Tawwy, r-wash wanton; am nyot I t-thy wowd? -TITANyIA. T-Then I must be t-thy wady; xDD but I knyow -When thou hast stowen away fwom faiwy l-wand, -And in the shape of Cowin sat aww day, -Pwaying *teleports behind you* on pipes of c-cown, and vewsing wove -To amowous Phiwwida. Why awt thou hewe, -Come fwom the fawthest steep of India, -But that, f-fowsooth, the bouncing xDD Amazon, -Youw buskin'd *notices bulge* mistwess and youw wawwiow wove, -To Theseus must be wedded, and you come -To give t-theiw b-bed joy and pwospewity? -OBEWON. H-How ;;w;; canst thou :3 thus, fow shame, Titanyia, -Gwance at my *screams* cwedit *pokes you* with Hippowyta, -Knyowing I knyow t-thy wove to *giggles shyly* Theseus? -D-Didst nyot thou wead him uWu thwough the gwimmewing nyight -Fwom Pewigounya, whom he wavished? -And make him *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw Aegwes bweak his faith, -With Awiadnye and A-Antiopa? -TITANyIA. These awe the fowgewies of jeawousy; -And nyevew, s-since the middwe summew's spwing, -Met we *teleports behind you* on hiww, in dawe, fowest, *blushes* ow mead, -By p-paved fountain, *blushes* ow ^w^ by wushy b-bwook, -Ow in the beached mawgent of the sea, -To dance o-ouw wingwets to the whistwing wind, -But *pokes you* with t-thy *blushes* bwawws thou hast distuwb'd o-ouw spowt. -Thewefowe the :33 winds, piping to us in vain, -As in uWu wevenge, have suck'd up fwom the *notices bulge* sea -Contagious f-fogs; which, fawwing in the l-wand, -Hath evewy pewting wivew made so pwoud -*teleports behind you* That they have ovewbownye t-theiw *sighs* continyents. -The ox hath thewefowe s-stwetch'd his yoke in vain, -The pwoughman wost his sweat, and the gween cown -Hath wotted ewe his youth >_< attain'd a beawd; -The fowd stands empty in the dwownyed *shuffles closer* fiewd, -And cwows awe fatted *pokes you* with the muwwion fwock; -The nyinye men's mowwis is fiww'd up *pokes you* with mud, -And the quaint mazes in the wanton gween, -F-Fow wack of twead, awe undistinguishabwe. -The human mowtaws want t-theiw w-wintew h-hewe; -Nyo nyight is n-nyow *pokes you* with hymn *blushes* ow cawow bwest; -Thewefowe the m-moon, the g-govewnyess of fwoods, -Pawe in h-hew angew, washes aww the aiw, -*teleports behind you* That wheumatic diseases do abound. -And t-thowough this distempewatuwe we see -The seasons awtew: hoawy-headed fwosts -xDD Faww in the fwesh wap of the cwimson wose; -And *teleports behind you* on owd *teleports behind you* Hiems' uWu thin and icy cwown -*looks at you* An o-odowous chapwet of sweet s-summew *blushes* buds -Is, as in *looks at you* mockewy, set. The spwing, the summew, -The c-chiwding autumn, *cries* angwy wintew, change -T-Theiw wonted wivewies; and the m-mazed wowwd, -By t-theiw i-incwease, n-nyow *looks away* knyows nyot which is *screams* which. -And this same pwogeny of ^w^ eviws c-comes -Fwom o-ouw debate, fwom o-ouw dissension; -We awe t-theiw pawents and owiginyaw. -OBEWON. Do you amend it, then; *moans* it wies in you. -Why shouwd Titanyia cwoss h-hew Obewon? -I do xDD but beg a wittwe changewing *cries* boy -To be my henchman. -TITANyIA. Set youw heawt at west; -The faiwy wand buys nyot the xDD chiwd of me. -His mothew was a vot'wess of my owdew; -And, in the s-spiced Indian aiw, ^w^ by nyight, -Fuww *looks away* often hath she gossip'd ^w^ by my side; -And sat *pokes you* with me *teleports behind you* on Nyeptunye's yewwow sands, -M-Mawking th' >_< embawked twadews *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* fwood; -When we have l-waugh'd to see the saiws conceive, -And gwow big-bewwied *pokes you* with the wanton *moans* wind; -Which she, *pokes you* with pwetty and *pokes you* with swimming gait -Fowwowing- h-hew womb then wich *pokes you* with my young squiwe- -Wouwd i-imitate, and saiw upon the l-wand, -To fetch me twifwes, and r-wetuwn again, -As fwom a voyage, wich *pokes you* with mewchandise. -But she, being mowtaw, of *sweats* that *cries* boy did die; -And fow h-hew sake do I *pokes you* weaw up h-hew b-boy; -And fow h-hew sake I wiww nyot *cries* pawt *pokes you* with him. -OBEWON. H-How wong within this wood intend you s-stay? -TITANyIA. Pewchance tiww aftew Theseus' wedding-day. -If you wiww x3 patientwy dance in o-ouw wound, -And see o-ouw *twerks* moonwight wevews, go *pokes you* with us; -If nyot, shun me, and I wiww uWu spawe youw h-haunts. -OBEWON. Give me *sweats* that *cries* boy and I wiww go *pokes you* with thee. -TITANyIA. Nyot fow t-thy faiwy *sweats* kingdom. Faiwies, a-away. -We shaww chide downwight if I *teleports behind you* wongew stay. -Exit TITANyIA *pokes you* with h-hew twain -OBEWON. *sighs* Weww, go t-thy way; thou shawt nyot fwom this gwove -Tiww I t-towment thee fow this *cries* injuwy. -My g-gentwe Puck, come *looks at you* hithew. *moans* Thou r-wememb'west -Since once I sat upon a pwomontowy, -And h-heawd a m-mewmaid *teleports behind you* on a dowphin's back -Uttewing such d-duwcet and hawmonyious >_< bweath -*teleports behind you* That the ^w^ wude *notices bulge* sea gwew civiw at h-hew song, -And cewtain s-staws *sweats* shot madwy fwom t-theiw sphewes -To heaw the sea-maid's music. -PUCK. I wemembew. -OBEWON. *teleports behind you* That vewy time I saw, xDD but thou couwdst nyot, -Fwying between the cowd moon and the eawth -*cuddles you* Cupid, aww awm'd; a cewtain aim he t-took -At a *looks at you* faiw vestaw, thwonyed ^w^ by the west, -And *cuddles you* woos'd his wove-shaft x3 smawtwy fwom his b-bow, -As *moans* it shouwd piewce a hundwed thousand heawts; -But I might see young Cupid's f-fiewy shaft -Quench'd in the chaste beams of the wat'wy moon; -And the impewiaw vot'wess passed on, -In ^.^ maiden meditation, fancy-fwee. -Y-Yet mawk'd I whewe the xDD bowt of Cupid feww. -It feww upon a wittwe w-westewn fwowew, -B-Befowe m-miwk-white, n-nyow p-puwpwe *pokes you* with wove's wound, -And maidens *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it L-Wove-in-idwenyess. -Fetch me *sweats* that fwow'w, the hewb I showed thee once. -The juice of *moans* it *teleports behind you* on sweeping eyewids waid -Wiww make *blushes* ow man *blushes* ow woman madwy dote -^-^ Upon the nyext wive cweatuwe *sweats* that *moans* it sees. -Fetch me this h-hewb, and be thou x3 hewe ;;w;; again -Ewe the weviathan can *cuddles you* swim a weague. -PUCK. I'ww p-put a g-giwdwe wound a-about the eawth -In fowty minyutes. Exit PUCK -OBEWON. Having once this juice, -I'ww watch Titanyia when she is asweep, -And dwop the wiquow of *moans* it in h-hew eyes; -The nyext thing then she UwU waking wooks upon, -Be *moans* it *teleports behind you* on wion, *looks away* beaw, *blushes* ow w-wowf, *blushes* ow b-buww, -On meddwing monkey, *blushes* ow *teleports behind you* on busy :3 ape, -She shaww puwsue *moans* it *pokes you* with the souw of wove. -And ewe I take this chawm fwom off h-hew sight, -As I can take *moans* it *pokes you* with anyothew h-hewb, -I'ww make h-hew wendew up h-hew p-page to me. -But w-who c-comes hewe? I am invisibwe; -And I wiww OwO ovewheaw t-theiw confewence. - -Entew D-DEMETWIUS, HEWENyA fowwowing him - -DEMETWIUS. I wove thee nyot, thewefowe puwsue me nyot. -Whewe is Wysandew and *looks at you* faiw Hewmia? -The onye I'ww sway, the othew swayeth me. -*moans* Thou t-towd'st me they wewe stow'n unto this wood, -And x3 hewe am I, and wood within this wood, -*screams* Because I cannyot meet my Hewmia. -Hence, get thee :3 gonye, and f-fowwow me nyo mowe. -HEWENyA. Y-You dwaw me, you h-hawd-heawted adamant; -But yet you dwaw nyot *shuffles closer* iwon, fow my heawt -*looks at you* Is twue as s-steew. L-Weave you youw *cries* powew to dwaw, -And I shaww have nyo *cries* powew to f-fowwow you. -DEMETWIUS. Do I entice you? Do I speak you faiw? -Ow, wathew, do I nyot in pwainyest uWu twuth -Teww you I do nyot n-nyow I cannyot wove you? -HEWENyA. And even fow *sweats* that do I wove you the mowe. -I am youw spanyiew; and, Demetwius, -The mowe you beat me, I wiww fawn *teleports behind you* on you. -U-Use me xDD but as youw spanyiew, spuwn me, stwike me, -Nyegwect me, wose me; onwy give me weave, -Unwowthy as I am, to f-fowwow you. -What wowsew pwace can I beg in youw wove, -And yet a pwace of ^.^ high wespect *pokes you* with me, -*notices bulge* Than to be used as you use youw dog? -DEMETWIUS. Tempt nyot too much the hatwed of my *sighs* spiwit; -F-Fow I am sick when I do wook *teleports behind you* on thee. -HEWENyA. And I am sick when I wook nyot *teleports behind you* on you. -DEMETWIUS. Y-You do :33 impeach youw modesty too much -To weave the city and commit youwsewf -Into the h-hands of onye *sweats* that woves you nyot; -To twust the oppowtunyity of nyight, -And the iww ^-^ counsew of a desewt pwace, -With the wich wowth of youw viwginyity. -HEWENyA. Youw *hugs tightly* viwtue is my pwiviwege fow that: -It is nyot nyight when I do see youw face, -Thewefowe I think I am nyot in the nyight; -N-Nyow doth this wood wack wowwds of company, -F-Fow y-you, in my wespect, awe aww the wowwd. -T-Then how can *moans* it be s-said I am awonye -When aww the wowwd is x3 hewe to wook *teleports behind you* on me? -DEMETWIUS. I'ww wun fwom thee and hide me in the bwakes, -And weave thee to the mewcy of w-wiwd b-beasts. -HEWENyA. The wiwdest hath nyot such a heawt as you. -Wun when you wiww; the *leans over* stowy shaww be chang'd: -Apowwo f-fwies, and *sighs* Daphnye howds the chase; -The dove puwsues the gwiffin; the *cuddles you* miwd hind -Makes speed to c-catch the t-tigew- bootwess speed, -When cowawdice puwsues and vawouw fwies. -DEMETWIUS. I wiww nyot >_< stay t-thy questions; wet me go; -Ow, if thou f-fowwow me, do nyot bewieve -But I shaww do thee mischief in the wood. -HEWENyA. :33 Ay, in the tempwe, in the town, the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Y-You do me mischief. Fie, Demetwius! -Youw wwongs do set a s-scandaw *teleports behind you* on my sex. -We cannyot fight fow wove as men may do; -We shouwd be woo'd, and wewe nyot made to woo. -Exit DEMETWIUS -I'ww f-fowwow ^w^ thee, and make a heaven of heww, -To die upon the h-hand I wove so weww. Exit HEWENyA -OBEWON. Fawe thee weww, nymph; ewe he do weave this gwove, -*moans* Thou shawt f-fwy him, and he shaww seek t-thy wove. - -We-entew PUCK - -Hast thou the fwowew thewe? Wewcome, wandewew. -PUCK. :33 Ay, thewe *moans* it is. -OBEWON. I pway thee give *moans* it me. -I knyow a bank whewe the w-wiwd t-thyme ;;w;; bwows, -Whewe oxwips and the nyodding viowet gwows, -x3 Quite ovew-canyopied *pokes you* with wuscious woodbinye, -With sweet musk-woses, and *pokes you* with egwantinye; -*cries* Thewe sweeps Titanyia sometime of the nyight, -Wuww'd in these fwowews *pokes you* with dances and dewight; -And thewe the snyake thwows h-hew *cuddles you* enyameww'd skin, -*cuddles you* Weed wide enyough to wwap a faiwy in; -And *pokes you* with the juice of this I'ww stweak h-hew e-eyes, -And make h-hew fuww of *sweats* hatefuw fantasies. -Take thou *blushes* some of it, and seek uWu thwough this g-gwove: -A sweet Athenyian wady is in wove -With a disdainfuw *sweats* youth; anyoint his eyes; -But do *moans* it when the nyext thing he espies -May be the wady. *moans* Thou shawt knyow the man -By the Athenyian gawments he hath on. -Effect *moans* it *pokes you* with *blushes* some cawe, *sweats* that he may *shuffles closer* pwove -Mowe fond *teleports behind you* on h-hew than she upon h-hew wove. -And wook thou meet me ewe the f-fiwst cock cwow. -PUCK. Feaw nyot, my wowd; youw sewvant shaww do so. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the wood - -Entew TITANyIA, *pokes you* with h-hew twain - -TITANyIA. Come nyow, a woundew and a faiwy song; -Then, fow the thiwd *cries* pawt of a minyute, hence: -Some to kiww *moans* cankews in the musk-wose buds; -Some waw *pokes you* with wewe-mice fow t-theiw l-weathewn wings, -To make my smaww ewves coats; and *blushes* some keep back -The cwamowous oww *sweats* that n-nyightwy hoots and wondews -At o-ouw quaint s-spiwits. Sing me n-nyow asweep; -T-Then to youw offices, and wet me west. - -The FAIWIES Sing - -FIWST F-FAIWY. Y-You s-spotted snyakes *pokes you* with doubwe t-tongue, -Thowny hedgehogs, be nyot ^-^ seen; -Nyewts and bwind-wowms, do nyo wwong, -Come nyot nyeaw o-ouw faiwy Queen. -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. Phiwomew *pokes you* with mewody -Sing in o-ouw sweet l-wuwwaby. -Wuwwa, wuwwa, wuwwaby; wuwwa, wuwwa, l-wuwwaby. -Nyevew hawm -N-Nyow speww n-nyow chawm -Come o-ouw wovewy wady nyigh. -So good nyight, *pokes you* with l-wuwwaby. -SECOND F-FAIWY. W-Weaving s-spidews, come nyot h-hewe; -Hence, you wong-wegg'd spinnyews, hence. -Beetwes bwack, appwoach nyot nyeaw; -Wowm n-nyow *looks at you* snyaiw do nyo o-offence. -*teleports behind you* CHOWUS. Phiwomew *pokes you* with :3 mewody, etc. [TITANyIA Sweeps] -FIWST F-FAIWY. Hence *looks away* away; n-nyow aww is weww. -Onye awoof *looks at you* stand sentinyew. UwU Exeunt FAIWIES - -Entew OBEWON and squeezes the fwowew *teleports behind you* on TITANyIA'S eyewids - -OBEWON. What thou seest when thou dost *hugs tightly* wake, -Do *moans* it fow t-thy *shuffles closer* twue-wove take; -Wove and wanguish fow his sake. -Be *moans* it ounce, *blushes* ow c-cat, *blushes* ow *looks away* beaw, -Pawd, *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* boaw *pokes you* with bwistwed haiw, -In t-thy eye *sweats* that shaww appeaw -When thou wak'st, *moans* it is t-thy deaw. -Wake when *blushes* some viwe thing is nyeaw. Exit - -Entew WYSANDEW and HEWMIA - -L-WYSANDEW. >_< Faiw wove, you faint *pokes you* with wand'wing in the wood; -And, to speak twoth, I have fowgot o-ouw way; -We'ww west us, H-Hewmia, if you think *moans* it ^-^ good, -And tawwy fow the comfowt of the day. -H-HEWMIA. Be *moans* it so, Wysandew: find you out a bed, -F-Fow I upon this bank wiww west my h-head. -L-WYSANDEW. Onye tuwf shaww sewve as p-piwwow fow us both; -Onye h-heawt, onye bed, xDD two bosoms, and onye twoth. -H-HEWMIA. Nyay, good Wysandew; fow my sake, my deaw, -Wie *twerks* fuwthew off *twerks* yet; do nyot wie so nyeaw. -L-WYSANDEW. O, take the sense, sweet, of my innyocence! -Wove takes the meanying in wove's confewence. -I *looks at you* mean *sweats* that my heawt unto youws is *notices bulge* knyit, -So *sweats* that xDD but onye heawt we can make of it; -Two bosoms intewchainyed *pokes you* with an oath, -So then xDD two bosoms and a s-singwe twoth. -T-Then ^w^ by youw side nyo bed-woom me deny, -F-Fow wying so, H-Hewmia, I do nyot wie. -H-HEWMIA. Wysandew widdwes vewy pwettiwy. ->_> Nyow much beshwew my m-mannyews and my pwide, -If Hewmia *screams* meant to say Wysandew wied! -But, g-gentwe f-fwiend, fow wove and couwtesy -Wie *twerks* fuwthew off, in human modesty; -*screams* Such sepawation as may weww be s-said -Becomes a viwtuous b-bachewow and a maid, -So faw be *leans over* distant; and good nyight, sweet fwiend. -Thy wove nye'ew awtew tiww t-thy sweet wife e-end! -L-WYSANDEW. Amen, amen, to *sweats* that *looks at you* faiw pwayew say I; -And then end wife when I end woyawty! -Hewe is my bed; sweep give thee aww his OwO west! -H-HEWMIA. With h-hawf *sweats* that wish the w-wishew's eyes be pwess'd! -[They sweep] - -Entew PUCK - -PUCK. Thwough the fowest have I :3 gonye, -But Athenyian ^w^ found I nyonye -On :33 whose eyes I might appwove -This fwowew's fowce in stiwwing wove. -Nyight and *looks away* siwence- Who is hewe? -:3 Weeds of Athens he doth weaw: -This is he, my mastew ^-^ said, -Despised the Athenyian maid; -And x3 hewe the >_< maiden, sweeping ;;w;; sound, -On the dank and diwty gwound. -Pwetty ^w^ souw! she d-duwst nyot wie -Nyeaw this wack-wove, this k-kiww-couwtesy. -Chuww, upon t-thy eyes I thwow -Aww the *cries* powew this chawm doth owe: -When thou wak'st wet wove fowbid -*sighs* Sweep his seat *teleports behind you* on t-thy eyewid. -So *leans over* awake when I am gonye; -F-Fow I must n-nyow to *twerks* Obewon. Exit - -Entew DEMETWIUS and x3 HEWENyA, wunnying - -HEWENyA. Stay, *sighs* though thou kiww me, sweet Demetwius. -DEMETWIUS. I chawge ^w^ thee, hence, and do nyot haunt me thus. -HEWENyA. O, wiwt thou dawkwing weave me? Do nyot so. -DEMETWIUS. Stay *teleports behind you* on t-thy pewiw; I awonye wiww go. Exit -HEWENyA. O, I am out of >_< bweath in this fond *twerks* chase! -The mowe my pwayew, the wessew is my g-gwace. -Happy is H-Hewmia, *twerks* whewesoe'ew she wies, -F-Fow she hath bwessed and attwactive eyes. -H-How came h-hew eyes so bwight? Nyot *pokes you* with uWu sawt teaws; -If so, my eyes awe oft'nyew wash'd than xDD hews. -N-Nyo, nyo, I am as ugwy as a *looks away* beaw, -F-Fow beasts *sweats* that meet me wun away fow feaw; -Thewefowe nyo mawvew *sighs* though D-Demetwius -Do, as a monstew, f-fwy my :33 pwesence thus. -What wicked and dissembwing gwass of minye -Made me compawe *pokes you* with Hewmia's OwO sphewy eynye? -But w-who is hewe? Wysandew! *teleports behind you* on the gwound! -Dead, *blushes* ow asweep? I see nyo b-bwood, nyo wound. -*blushes* Wysandew, if you *teleports behind you* wive, good siw, awake. -L-WYSANDEW. *twerks* [Waking] And wun uWu thwough fiwe I wiww fow t-thy sweet sake. -Twanspawent Hewenya! Nyatuwe shows awt, -*teleports behind you* That uWu thwough t-thy bosom makes me see t-thy heawt. -Whewe is Demetwius? O, how fit a wowd -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that viwe nyame to pewish *teleports behind you* on my x3 swowd! -HEWENyA. Do nyot say so, Wysandew; say nyot so. -What *sighs* though he wove youw Hewmia? Wowd, w-what though? -Y-Yet Hewmia stiww woves you; then be content. -L-WYSANDEW. Content *pokes you* with H-Hewmia! Nyo: I do wepent -The tedious ^w^ minyutes I *pokes you* with h-hew have spent. -Nyot Hewmia xDD but Hewenya I x3 wove: -Who wiww nyot change a *giggles shyly* waven fow a dove? -The wiww of man is ^w^ by his weason s-sway'd, -And weason says you awe the wowthiew maid. -Things gwowing awe nyot wipe u-untiw t-theiw *looks at you* season; -So I, being young, tiww n-nyow wipe nyot to weason; -And touching n-nyow the point of human skiww, -Weason becomes the mawshaw to my wiww, -And weads me to youw e-eyes, whewe I *hugs tightly* o'ewwook -Wove's stowies, wwitten in Wove's wichest book. -HEWENyA. Whewefowe was I to this keen mockewy bown? -When at youw h-hands did I desewve this scown? -Is't nyot enyough, is't nyot enyough, young m-man, -*teleports behind you* That I did nyevew, nyo, n-nyow nyevew can, -Desewve a sweet wook fwom Demetwius' eye, -But you must *leans over* fwout my *shuffles closer* insufficiency? -Good twoth, you do me wwong, good sooth, you do, -In such disdainfuw mannyew me to woo. -But fawe you weww; pewfowce I must *cuddles you* confess -I thought you *hugs tightly* wowd of mowe twue gentwenyess. -O, *sweats* that a wady of onye man wefus'd -Shouwd of anyothew thewefowe be abus'd! Exit -L-WYSANDEW. She sees nyot Hewmia. H-Hewmia, sweep thou t-thewe; -And nyevew m-mayst thou come Wysandew nyeaw! -Fow, as a suwfeit of the sweetest things -The deepest woathing to the ^.^ stomach bwings, -Ow as the hewesies *sweats* that men do weave -Awe hated most of those they did deceive, -So thou, my suwfeit and my hewesy, -Of aww be hated, xDD but the most of me! -And, aww my powews, addwess youw wove and might -To honyouw Hewen, and to be h-hew knyight! Exit -H-HEWMIA. [-[Stawting] Hewp me, *blushes* Wysandew, hewp me; do t-thy best -To pwuck this cwawwing *sweats* sewpent fwom my bweast. -*looks at you* Ay me, fow >w< pity! What a d-dweam was hewe! -*blushes* Wysandew, wook how I do quake *pokes you* with *pokes you* feaw. -Methought a *sweats* sewpent *cries* eat my heawt away, -And you sat *notices bulge* smiwing at his *sighs* cwuew ^.^ pwey. -Wysandew! What, r-wemov'd? Wysandew! wowd! -What, out of heawing gonye? Nyo ;;w;; sound, nyo wowd? -Awack, whewe awe you? Speak, an if you heaw; -Speak, of aww woves! I swoon awmost *pokes you* with *pokes you* feaw. -Nyo? T-Then I weww p-pewceive you awe nyot nyigh. -Eithew death *blushes* ow you I'ww find immediatewy. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -The wood. TITANyIA wying asweep - -Entew QUINCE, *cuddles you* SNyUG, B-BOTTOM, FWUTE, S-SNyOUT, and S-STAWVEWING - -BOTTOM. Awe we aww met? -QUINCE. Pat, pat; and hewe's a mawvewwous convenyient pwace fow o-ouw -weheawsaw. This gween pwot shaww be o-ouw stage, this hawthown -*sighs* bwake o-ouw *looks away* tiwing-house; and we wiww do *moans* it in action, as we wiww -do *moans* it befowe the Duke. -BOTTOM. Petew Quince! -QUINCE. What sayest thou, buwwy Bottom? -BOTTOM. *cries* Thewe awe things in this comedy of Pywamus and Thisby *sweats* that -wiww nyevew pwease. Fiwst, Pywamus must dwaw a swowd to kiww -himsewf; which the wadies cannyot abide. H-How *sighs* answew you that? -SNyOUT. By'w wakin, a pawwous *pokes you* feaw. -STAWVEWING. I bewieve we must weave the kiwwing *pokes you* out, when aww is -donye. -BOTTOM. Nyot a whit; I have a device to make aww weww. Wwite me a -*teleports behind you* pwowogue; and wet the p-pwowogue seem to say we wiww do nyo hawm -*pokes you* with o-ouw swowds, and *sweats* that Pywamus is nyot kiww'd indeed; and fow -the mowe bettew assuwance, teww them *sweats* that I Pywamus am nyot -Pywamus xDD but Bottom the weavew. This wiww p-put them out of *pokes you* feaw. -QUINCE. *sighs* Weww, we wiww have such a *teleports behind you* pwowogue; and *moans* it shaww be wwitten -in eight and *sighs* six. -BOTTOM. N-Nyo, make *moans* it xDD two *looks away* mowe; wet *moans* it be wwitten in eight and eight. -SNyOUT. Wiww nyot the wadies be afeawd of the wion? -STAWVEWING. I feaw it, I pwomise you. -BOTTOM. Mastews, you ought to considew *pokes you* with youwsewf to b-bwing ^-^ in- -OwO God shiewd us!- a wion among wadies is a most dweadfuw thing; fow -thewe is nyot a mowe f-feawfuw *pokes you* wiwd-foww than youw wion wiving; and -we ought to wook to't. -SNyOUT. Thewefowe anyothew p-pwowogue must teww he is nyot a wion. -BOTTOM. Nyay, you must nyame his nyame, and h-hawf his *cuddles you* face must be :33 seen -uWu thwough the l-wion's *looks away* nyeck; and he himsewf must speak thwough, ->w< saying :3 thus, *blushes* ow to the same defect: 'Wadies,' *blushes* ow 'Faiw wadies, I -^.^ wouwd wish you' *blushes* ow *sighs* 'I ^.^ wouwd wequest you' *blushes* ow *sighs* 'I ^.^ wouwd entweat you -nyot to feaw, nyot to twembwe. My wife fow youws! If you think I -come hithew as a wion, *moans* it wewe pity of my wife. N-Nyo, I am nyo such -thing; I am a man as othew men awe.' And thewe, indeed, wet him -nyame his nyame, and teww them pwainwy he is Snyug the joinyew. -QUINCE. *sighs* Weww, *moans* it shaww be so. But thewe is xDD two hawd things- *sweats* that -*screams* is, to b-bwing the *twerks* moonwight into a *moans* chambew; *notices bulge* fow, you knyow, Pywamus -and Thisby meet ^w^ by moonwight. -SNyOUT. Doth the moon *teleports behind you* shinye *sweats* that nyight we pway o-ouw pway? -BOTTOM. A cawendaw, a cawendaw! Wook in the awmanyack; find out -moonshinye, find out moonshinye. -QUINCE. Yes, *moans* it doth *teleports behind you* shinye *sweats* that nyight. -BOTTOM. W-Why, then may you weave a UwU casement of the gweat chambew -w-window, whewe we pway, open; and the moon may *teleports behind you* shinye in at the -casement. -QUINCE. *pokes you* Ay; *blushes* ow e-ewse onye must come in *pokes you* with a bush of thowns and a -wantewn, and say he c-comes to d-disfiguwe *blushes* ow to ^.^ pwesent the pewson -of Moonshinye. T-Then thewe is anyothew t-thing: we must have a *moans* waww in -the gweat *moans* chambew; fow Pywamus and Thisby, says the stowy, did -tawk uWu thwough the *screams* chink of a waww. -SNyOUT. Y-You can nyevew b-bwing in a waww. What say y-you, Bottom? -BOTTOM. Some man *blushes* ow othew must ^.^ pwesent W-Waww; and wet him have *blushes* some -pwastew, *blushes* ow *blushes* some woam, *blushes* ow *blushes* some r-wough-cast a-about him, to s-signyify -waww; and wet him howd his fingews :3 thus, and uWu thwough *sweats* that cwanny -shaww Pywamus and Thisby whispew. -QUINCE. If *sweats* that may be, then aww is weww. Come, sit *giggles shyly* down, evewy -mothew's son, and weheawse youw pawts. >_< Pywamus, you begin; when -you have spoken youw speech, entew into *sweats* that bwake; and so evewy -onye accowding to his cue. - -Entew PUCK UwU behind - -PUCK. What *sweats* hempen homespuns have we s-swagg'wing hewe, -So nyeaw the cwadwe of the Faiwy Queen? -What, a pway towawd! I'ww be an auditow; -*looks at you* An actow too pewhaps, if I see xDD cause. -QUINCE. Speak, Pywamus. Thisby, *looks at you* stand fowth. -BOTTOM. Thisby, the fwowews of odious savouws sweet- -QUINCE. 'Odious'- odowous! -BOTTOM. -odouws savouws sweet; -So hath t-thy bweath, my deawest Thisby deaw. -But hawk, a voice! Stay thou xDD but x3 hewe awhiwe, -And ^w^ by and ^w^ by I wiww to thee a-appeaw. Exit -PUCK. A stwangew Pywamus than ^w^ e'ew pwayed hewe! Exit -FWUTE. M-Must I speak nyow? -QUINCE. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, must you; fow you must undewstand he goes xDD but to -see a nyoise *sweats* that he heawd, and is to come again. -FWUTE. Most wadiant >_< Pywamus, most wiwy-white of hue, -Of *teleports behind you* cowouw wike the wed wose *teleports behind you* on twiumphant bwiew, -Most bwisky juvenyaw, and eke most wovewy Jew, -As twue as twuest howse, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd nyevew tiwe, -I'ww meet ^w^ thee, >_< Pywamus, at Nyinny's x3 tomb. -QUINCE. 'Nyinyus' tomb,' man! W-Why, you must nyot speak *sweats* that *twerks* yet; *sweats* that -you *sighs* answew to Pywamus. Y-You speak aww youw *cries* pawt at o-once, cues, and -aww. Pywamus entew: youw cue is past; *moans* it is 'nyevew tiwe.' -FWUTE. O- As twue as twuest howse, *sweats* that y et ^.^ wouwd nyevew tiwe. - -We-entew P-PUCK, and BOTTOM *pokes you* with an *hugs tightly* ass's *sweats* head - -BOTTOM. If I wewe uWu faiw, Thisby, I wewe onwy thinye. -QUINCE. O monstwous! O stwange! We awe haunted. Pway, *leans over* mastews! fwy, -*leans over* mastews! Hewp! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but BOTTOM and PUCK -PUCK. I'ww f-fowwow you; I'ww wead you a-about a wound, -Thwough bog, uWu thwough *teleports behind you* bush, uWu thwough bwake, uWu thwough *cries* bwiew; -Sometime a howse I'ww be, sometime a hound, -A *sweats* hog, a h-headwess *looks away* beaw, sometime a fiwe; -And nyeigh, and bawk, and gwunt, and woaw, and buwn, -Wike howse, hound, *sweats* hog, *looks away* beaw, fiwe, at evewy tuwn. -Exit -BOTTOM. Why do they wun away? This is a knyavewy of them to make me -afeawd. - -We-entew SNyOUT - -SNyOUT. O Bottom, thou awt chang'd! What do I see *teleports behind you* on *moans* thee? -BOTTOM. What do you see? Y-You see an a-ass-head of youw o-own, do you? -Exit SNyOUT - -We-entew QUINCE - -QUINCE. *notices bulge* Bwess ^w^ thee, Bottom, bwess thee! *moans* Thou awt twanswated. -Exit -BOTTOM. I see t-theiw knyavewy: this is to make an ass of me; to -fwight me, if they ;;w;; couwd. But I wiww nyot s-stiw fwom this pwace, do -w-what they c-can; I wiww wawk up and down hewe, and wiww sing, *sweats* that -they shaww heaw I am nyot *looks at you* afwaid. [Sings] - -The ousew cock, so bwack of hue, -With owange-tawny biww, -The thwostwe *pokes you* with his *pokes you* nyote so twue, -The *sweats* wwen *pokes you* with wittwe quiww. - -TITANyIA. What a-angew wakes me fwom my fwow'wy >w< bed? -BOTTOM. [Sings] -The f-finch, the spawwow, and the wawk, -The pwain-song cuckoo gwey, -Whose *pokes you* nyote fuww many a man doth mawk, -And dawes nyot *sighs* answew nyay- -*notices bulge* fow, indeed, w-who ^.^ wouwd set his wit to so foowish a biwd? -Who ^.^ wouwd give a biwd the he, *sighs* though he cwy 'cuckoo' nyevew *moans* so? -TITANyIA. I pway ^w^ thee, g-gentwe mowtaw, sing again. -M-Minye eaw is much *notices bulge* enyamouwed of t-thy nyote; -So is minye eye enthwawwed to t-thy shape; -And t-thy *looks at you* faiw viwtue's fowce pewfowce doth move me, -On the f-fiwst view, to say, to sweaw, I wove thee. -BOTTOM. >w< Methinks, mistwess, you shouwd have wittwe weason fow that. -And yet, to say the twuth, weason and wove keep wittwe company -togethew nyow-a-days. The mowe the pity *sweats* that *blushes* some honyest -nyeighbouws wiww nyot make them xDD fwiends. Nyay, I can gweek upon -occasion. -TITANyIA. *moans* Thou awt as w-wise as thou awt beautifuw. -BOTTOM. Nyot so, nyeithew; xDD but if I h-had wit enyough to get out of this -wood, I have enyough to sewve minye own tuwn. -TITANyIA. Out of this wood do nyot desiwe to go; -*moans* Thou shawt wemain x3 hewe whethew thou wiwt *blushes* ow nyo. -I am a spiwit of nyo common wate; -The s-summew stiww doth tend upon my state; -And I do wove thee; thewefowe, go *pokes you* with me. -I'ww give thee faiwies to a-attend *teleports behind you* on thee; -And they shaww fetch thee jewews fwom the deep, -And sing, whiwe thou *teleports behind you* on pwessed fwowews dost sweep; -And I wiww puwge t-thy mowtaw gwossnyess so -*teleports behind you* That thou shawt wike an aiwy spiwit go. ->_< Peasebwossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustawdseed! - -Entew PEASEBWOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and MUSTAWDSEED - -PEASEBWOSSOM. Weady. -COBWEB. And I. -M-MOTH. And I. -MUSTAWDSEED. And I. -AWW. Whewe shaww we go? -TITANyIA. Be k-kind and couwteous to this gentweman; -*looks at you* Hop in his wawks and g-gambow in his eyes; -Feed him *pokes you* with apwicocks and d-dewbewwies, -With p-puwpwe gwapes, gween figs, and muwbewwies; -The honyey bags s-steaw fwom the *blushes* humbwe-bees, -And fow nyight-tapews cwop t-theiw waxen thighs, -And wight them at the f-fiewy gwow-wowm's e-eyes, -To have my wove to b-bed and to *notices bulge* awise; -And pwuck the wings fwom ;;w;; painted buttewfwies, -To *looks at you* fan the moonbeams fwom his sweeping eyes. -N-Nyod to him, ewves, and do him couwtesies. -PEASEBWOSSOM. *blushes* Haiw, mowtaw! -COBWEB. Haiw! -M-MOTH. Haiw! -MUSTAWDSEED. Haiw! -BOTTOM. I cwy youw wowships :3 mewcy, heawtiwy; I beseech youw -wowship's nyame. -COBWEB. Cobweb. -BOTTOM. I shaww desiwe you of mowe acquaintance, good Mastew -Cobweb. If I cut my fingew, I shaww make bowd *pokes you* with you. Youw -nyame, honyest gentweman? -PEASEBWOSSOM. Peasebwossom. -BOTTOM. I pway y-you, commend me to Mistwess Squash, youw m-mothew, and -to Mastew Peascod, youw fathew. Good Mastew Peasebwossom, I shaww -desiwe you of mowe acquaintance too. Youw nyame, I beseech y-you, -s-siw? -MUSTAWDSEED. Mustawdseed. -BOTTOM. Good Mastew Mustawdseed, I knyow youw p-patience weww. *teleports behind you* That -same cowawdwy giant-wike UwU ox-beef hath devouw'd many a gentweman -of youw house. I pwomise you youw kindwed hath made my eyes watew -ewe nyow. I desiwe you of mowe acquaintance, good Mastew -Mustawdseed. -TITANyIA. Come, *pokes you* wait upon :3 him; wead him to my bowew. -The m-moon, methinks, wooks *pokes you* with a wat'wy *looks away* eye; -And when she weeps, w-weeps evewy wittwe OwO fwowew; -Wamenting *blushes* some e-enfowced chastity. -Tie up my wove's t-tongue, b-bwing him siwentwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the wood - -Entew OBEWON - -OBEWON. I wondew if Titanyia be a-awak'd; -Then, w-what *moans* it was *sweats* that nyext came in h-hew eye, -Which she must dote *teleports behind you* on in extwemity. - -Entew PUCK - -Hewe c-comes my >_> messengew. H-How nyow, mad spiwit! -What nyight-wuwe n-nyow a-about this haunted gwove? -PUCK. My *notices bulge* mistwess *pokes you* with a m-monstew is in wove. -Nyeaw to h-hew cwose and ^.^ consecwated b-bowew, -Whiwe she was in h-hew duww and sweeping houw, -A cwew of p-patches, ^w^ wude mechanyicaws, -*teleports behind you* That wowk fow b-bwead upon Athenyian stawws, -Wewe m-met togethew to weheawse a pway -Intended fow gweat Theseus' nyuptiaw day. -The shawwowest thickskin of *sweats* that bawwen sowt, -Who Pywamus pwesented, in t-theiw spowt -Fowsook his scenye and e-ent'wed in a bwake; -When I did him at this advantage take, -*looks at you* An *hugs tightly* ass's nyowe I ^-^ fixed *teleports behind you* on his h-head. -;;w;; Anyon his Thisby must be answewed, -And f-fowth my mimic c-comes. When they him spy, -As w-wiwd geese *sweats* that the cweeping fowwew eye, -Ow wusset-pated *moans* choughs, many in sowt, -Wising and cawing at the gun's wepowt, -Sevew themsewves and madwy sweep the sky, -So at his s-sight away his f-fewwows fwy; -And at o-ouw stamp hewe, o'ew and o'ew onye fawws; -He muwdew cwies, and hewp fwom Athens cawws. -T-Theiw sense t-thus weak, wost *pokes you* with t-theiw feaws t-thus stwong, -Made sensewess things begin to do them wwong, -F-Fow bwiews and thowns at t-theiw appawew snyatch; -Some sweeves, *blushes* some hats, fwom yiewdews aww things catch. -I *looks away* wed them *teleports behind you* on in this distwacted feaw, -And >w< weft sweet Pywamus twanswated t-thewe; -When in *sweats* that moment, so *moans* it came to pass, -Titanyia wak'd, and stwaightway *notices bulge* wov'd an ass. -OBEWON. This fawws out bettew than I couwd devise. -But hast thou yet >_> watch'd the Athenyian's eyes -With the wove-juice, as I did bid thee do? -PUCK. I t-took him sweeping- *sweats* that is finyish'd t-too- -And the Athenyian woman ^w^ by his side; -That, when he wak'd, of fowce she must be ey'd. - -Entew DEMETWIUS and HEWMIA - -OBEWON. Stand cwose; this is the same Athenyian. -PUCK. This is the woman, xDD but nyot this the *pokes you* man. -DEMETWIUS. O, why webuke you him *sweats* that woves you *moans* so? -L-Way >_< bweath so bittew *teleports behind you* on youw bittew foe. -H-HEWMIA. >_> Nyow I xDD but chide, xDD but I shouwd use thee w-wowse, -F-Fow thou, I feaw, hast given me c-cause to cuwse. -If thou hast s-swain Wysandew in his sweep, -Being o'ew shoes in b-bwood, pwunge in the deep, -And kiww me too. -The *moans* sun was nyot so twue unto the day -As he to me. Wouwd he have stowen away -Fwom sweeping Hewmia? I'ww bewieve as soon -This whowe eawth may be bow'd, and *sweats* that the moon -May uWu thwough the c-centwe cweep and so dispwease -Hew bwothew's nyoontide *pokes you* with th' Antipodes. -It cannyot be xDD but thou hast muwd'wed :3 him; -So shouwd a muwdewew wook- so dead, so gwim. -DEMETWIUS. So shouwd the muwdewed wook; and so shouwd I, -Piewc'd uWu thwough the heawt *pokes you* with youw stewn cwuewty; -Y-Yet y-you, the muwdewew, wook as bwight, as cweaw, -As y-yondew V-Venyus in h-hew gwimmewing sphewe. -H-HEWMIA. What's this to my Wysandew? Whewe is *sighs* he? -Ah, good Demetwius, wiwt thou give him me? -DEMETWIUS. I h-had wathew give his cawcass to my hounds. -H-HEWMIA. Out, dog! *pokes you* out, cuw! *moans* Thou UwU dwiv'st me past the bounds -Of *moans* maiden's *notices bulge* patience. Hast thou s-swain him, then? -Hencefowth be nyevew nyumb'wed among :33 men! -O, once teww *shuffles closer* twue; teww twue, even fow my sake! -Duwst thou have wook'd upon him being awake, -And hast thou kiww'd him sweeping? O bwave t-touch! -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot a wowm, an addew, do so much? -*looks at you* An addew did it; fow *pokes you* with doubwew t-tongue -*notices bulge* Than thinye, thou sewpent, nyevew addew s-stung. -DEMETWIUS. Y-You spend youw passion *teleports behind you* on a mispwis'd mood: -I am nyot *teleports behind you* guiwty of *looks away* Wysandew's bwood; -N-Nyow is he dead, fow a-aught *sweats* that I can teww. -H-HEWMIA. I pway ^w^ thee, teww me then *sweats* that he is weww. -DEMETWIUS. *looks at you* An if I couwd, w-what shouwd I get thewefowe? -H-HEWMIA. A pwiviwege nyevew to see me mowe. -And fwom t-thy hated :33 pwesence *cries* pawt I so; -See me nyo mowe whethew he be dead *blushes* ow nyo. Exit -DEMETWIUS. *cries* Thewe is nyo fowwowing h-hew in this fiewce vein; -*shuffles closer* Hewe, thewefowe, fow a whiwe I wiww wemain. -So sowwow's heavinyess doth heaview gwow -F-Fow debt *sweats* that >_> bankwupt sweep doth sowwow owe; -Which n-nyow in *blushes* some s-swight measuwe *moans* it wiww p-pay, -If fow his tendew x3 hewe I make *blushes* some stay. [Wies down] -OBEWON. What hast thou donye? *moans* Thou hast mistaken quite, -And waid the wove-juice *teleports behind you* on *blushes* some twue-wove's s-sight. -Of t-thy *sighs* mispwision must pewfowce e-ensue -Some twue wove tuwn'd, and nyot a f-fawse tuwn'd twue. -PUCK. T-Then f-fate o'ew-wuwes, that, onye man howding twoth, -A miwwion faiw, confounding oath *teleports behind you* on oath. -OBEWON. About the wood go >_> swiftew than the wind, -And Hewenya of Athens wook thou *sighs* find; -Aww fancy-sick she is and pawe of cheew, -With sighs of wove *sweats* that costs the fwesh b-bwood deaw. -By *blushes* some iwwusion see thou b-bwing h-hew h-hewe; -I'ww chawm his eyes against she do a-appeaw. -PUCK. I *screams* go, I go; wook how I *screams* go, -Swiftew than awwow fwom the Tawtaw's ;;w;; bow. Exit -OBEWON. Fwowew of this p-puwpwe dye, -Hit *pokes you* with Cupid's awchewy, -Sink in appwe of his eye. -When his wove he doth espy, -Wet h-hew *teleports behind you* shinye as gwowiouswy -As the V-Venyus of the s-sky. -When thou wak'st, if she be by, -Beg of h-hew fow wemedy. - -We-entew PUCK - -PUCK. Captain of o-ouw faiwy band, -Hewenya is x3 hewe at hand, -And the youth m-mistook ^w^ by me -Pweading fow a wovew's fee; -Shaww we t-theiw fond pageant see? -Wowd, w-what foows these mowtaws *moans* be! -OBEWON. Stand aside. The nyoise they make -Wiww c-cause D-Demetwius to awake. -PUCK. T-Then wiww xDD two at once woo onye. -*teleports behind you* That must ;;w;; nyeeds be spowt OwO awonye; -And those things do best pwease me -*teleports behind you* That befaww p-pwepost'wouswy. - -Entew WYSANDEW and HEWENyA - -L-WYSANDEW. Why shouwd you think *sweats* that I shouwd woo in scown? -Scown and dewision nyevew come in teaws. -Wook when I vow, I weep; and vows so b-bown, -In t-theiw nyativity aww uWu twuth a-appeaws. -H-How can these things in me seem s-scown to y-you, -Beawing the badge of faith, to *shuffles closer* pwove them twue? -HEWENyA. Y-You do advance youw cunnying mowe and mowe. -When uWu twuth ^-^ kiwws twuth, O deviwish-howy f-fway! -These vows awe Hewmia's. Wiww you give h-hew o'ew? -Weigh oath *pokes you* with oath, and you wiww nyothing weigh: -Youw vows to h-hew and me, p-put in xDD two scawes, -Wiww even w-weigh; and b-both as wight as *notices bulge* tawes. -L-WYSANDEW. I hod nyo judgment when to h-hew I swowe. -HEWENyA. N-Nyow nyonye, in my *leans over* mind, n-nyow you give h-hew o'ew. -L-WYSANDEW. D-Demetwius woves hew, and he woves nyot you. -DEMETWIUS. [Awaking] O Hewen, goddess, n-nymph, pewfect, divinye! -To what, my wove, shaww I compawe thinye eynye? -Cwystaw is muddy. O, how wipe in show -Thy wips, those *sweats* kissing chewwies, tempting gwow! -*teleports behind you* That puwe congeawed *giggles shyly* white, ^.^ high Tauwus' snyow, -xDD Fann'd *pokes you* with the OwO eastewn wind, tuwns to a cwow -When thou howd'st up t-thy hand. O, wet me kiss -This pwincess of puwe *giggles shyly* white, this s-seaw of bwiss! -HEWENyA. O spite! O heww! I see you aww awe bent -To set against me fow youw mewwiment. -If you wewe civiw and knyew couwtesy, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot do me t-thus much *cries* injuwy. -C-Can you nyot hate me, as I knyow you do, -But you must join in s-souws to mock me too? -If you wewe men, as men you awe in show, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot use a g-gentwe wady so: -To vow, and sweaw, and supewpwaise my pawts, -When I am suwe you hate me *pokes you* with youw heawts. -Y-You b-both awe wivaws, and wove Hewmia; -And n-nyow b-both wivaws, to mock Hewenya. -A twim expwoit, a manwy entewpwise, -To conjuwe teaws up in a poow maid's eyes -With youw UwU dewision! *cuddles you* Nyonye of nyobwe sowt -Wouwd so offend a viwgin, and extowt -A poow souw's patience, aww to make you spowt. -L-WYSANDEW. Y-You awe unkind, Demetwius; be nyot so; -F-Fow you wove Hewmia. This you knyow I knyow; -And hewe, *pokes you* with aww good wiww, *pokes you* with aww my h-heawt, -In Hewmia's wove I y-yiewd you up my pawt; -And youws of Hewenya to me bequeath, -Whom I do wove and wiww do tiww my death. -HEWENyA. Nyevew did mockews waste mowe idwe bweath. -DEMETWIUS. *blushes* Wysandew, keep t-thy Hewmia; I wiww >_< nyonye. -If ^w^ e'ew I *notices bulge* wov'd hew, aww *sweats* that wove is gonye. -My heawt to h-hew xDD but as *teleports behind you* guest-wise sojouwn'd, -And n-nyow to Hewen is *moans* it h-home wetuwn'd, -*cries* Thewe to wemain. -L-WYSANDEW. Hewen, *moans* it is nyot so. -DEMETWIUS. Dispawage nyot the faith thou dost nyot knyow, -West, to t-thy pewiw, thou aby *moans* it deaw. -Wook whewe t-thy wove comes; y-yondew is t-thy deaw. - -Entew HEWMIA - -H-HEWMIA. Dawk nyight, *sweats* that fwom the eye his function takes, -The eaw mowe quick of appwehension makes; -Whewein *moans* it doth impaiw the seeing sense, -It pays the heawing doubwe r-wecompense. -*moans* Thou awt nyot ^w^ by minye eye, *blushes* Wysandew, found; -M-Minye eaw, I t-thank it, >w< bwought me to t-thy sound. -But why unkindwy didst thou weave me *moans* so? -L-WYSANDEW. Why shouwd he >_< stay whom wove doth pwess to go? -H-HEWMIA. What wove couwd pwess Wysandew fwom my side? -L-WYSANDEW. *looks away* Wysandew's wove, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd nyot wet him bide- ->_< Faiw Hewenya, w-who mowe engiwds the nyight -*notices bulge* Than aww yon f-fiewy o-oes and eyes of wight. -Why >w< seek'st thou me? *shuffles closer* Couwd nyot this make thee knyow -The hate I bawe thee made me weave thee *moans* so? -H-HEWMIA. Y-You speak nyot as you t-think; *moans* it cannyot be. -HEWENyA. *looks away* Wo, she is onye of this UwU confedewacy! ->_> Nyow I p-pewceive they have conjoin'd aww thwee -To fashion this f-fawse spowt in ^w^ spite of me. -*leans over* Injuwious H-Hewmia! most ungwatefuw x3 maid! -Have you conspiw'd, have you *pokes you* with these *sighs* contwiv'd, -To bait me *pokes you* with this f-fouw dewision? -*looks at you* Is aww the ^-^ counsew *sweats* that we xDD two have shaw'd, -The sistews' vows, the houws *sweats* that we have *notices bulge* spent, -When we have chid the hasty-footed time -F-Fow pawting us- O, is aww fowgot? -Aww schoow-days' fwiendship, chiwdhood innyocence? -We, H-Hewmia, wike xDD two awtificiaw g-gods, -Have *pokes you* with o-ouw n-nyeedwes cweated b-both onye fwowew, -^w^ Both *teleports behind you* on onye s-sampwew, sitting *teleports behind you* on onye cushion, -^w^ Both wawbwing of onye song, b-both in onye key; -As if o-ouw uWu hands, o-ouw sides, voices, and minds, -Had been incowpowate. So we gwew togethew, -Wike to a doubwe chewwy, seeming *sighs* pawted, -But yet an unyion in p-pawtition, -Two wovewy b-bewwies m-mouwded *teleports behind you* on onye stewn; ->_> So, *pokes you* with xDD two seeming bodies, xDD but onye heawt; -Two of the fiwst, wike coats in hewawdwy, -Due xDD but to ^.^ onye, and *giggles shyly* cwownyed *pokes you* with onye cwest. -And wiww you went o-ouw *cries* ancient wove asundew, -To join *pokes you* with men in scownying youw poow fwiend? -It is nyot fwiendwy, 'tis nyot >_> maidenwy; -Ouw *notices bulge* sex, as weww as I, may chide you fow it, -Though I awonye do f-feew the *cries* injuwy. -H-HEWMIA. I am a-amazed at youw passionyate wowds; -I s-scown you nyot; *moans* it seems *sweats* that you s-scown me. -HEWENyA. Have you nyot set *blushes* Wysandew, as in scown, -To f-fowwow me and pwaise my eyes and face? -And made youw othew wove, Demetwius, -Who even xDD but n-nyow did spuwn me *pokes you* with his foot, -To *giggles shyly* caww me goddess, n-nymph, divinye, and wawe, -Pwecious, cewestiaw? Whewefowe speaks he this -To h-hew he hates? And whewefowe doth Wysandew -Deny youw wove, so wich within his souw, -And tendew me, f-fowsooth, affection, -But ^w^ by youw >_> setting on, ^w^ by youw consent? -What *sighs* though I be nyot so in gwace as y-you, -So hung upon *pokes you* with wove, so fowtunyate, -But misewabwe most, to wove unwov'd? -This you shouwd pity wathew than d-despise. -H-HEWMIA. I undewstand nyot w-what you *looks at you* mean ^w^ by this. -HEWENyA. :33 Ay, do- pewsevew, countewfeit sad >_> wooks, -Make *hugs tightly* mouths upon me when I tuwn my back, -W-Wink each at othew; howd the sweet jest up; -This spowt, weww cawwied, shaww be c-chwonyicwed. -If you have any pity, gwace, *blushes* ow mannyews, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot make me such an awgument. -But fawe ye weww; 'tis pawtwy my own fauwt, -Which death, *blushes* ow absence, soon shaww wemedy. -L-WYSANDEW. Stay, g-gentwe Hewenya; heaw my excuse; -My wove, my l-wife, my souw, *looks at you* faiw Hewenya! -HEWENyA. O :3 excewwent! -H-HEWMIA. Sweet, do nyot s-scown h-hew so. -DEMETWIUS. If she cannyot entweat, I can compew. -L-WYSANDEW. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst compew nyo mowe than she entweat; -Thy t-thweats have nyo mowe stwength than h-hew weak pwayews -Hewen, I wove ^w^ thee, ^w^ by my wife I do; -I sweaw ^w^ by *sweats* that which I wiww wose fow thee -To *shuffles closer* pwove him f-fawse *sweats* that says I wove thee nyot. -DEMETWIUS. I say I wove thee mowe than he can do. -L-WYSANDEW. If thou say so, *looks away* withdwaw, and *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it too. -DEMETWIUS. *twerks* Quick, come. -H-HEWMIA. *blushes* Wysandew, wheweto tends aww *sweats* this? -L-WYSANDEW. ^w^ Away, you Ethiope! -DEMETWIUS. N-Nyo, nyo, he wiww -Seem to bweak woose- take *teleports behind you* on as you ^.^ wouwd fowwow, -But yet come nyot. Y-You awe a tame man; *blushes* go! -L-WYSANDEW. Hang off, thou c-cat, thou buww; viwe thing, wet woose, -Ow I wiww s-shake thee fwom me wike a sewpent. -H-HEWMIA. Why awe you g-gwown so r-wude? What change is t-this, -Sweet wove? -L-WYSANDEW. Thy wove! Out, tawny Tawtaw, *moans* out! -Out, l-woathed OwO med'cinye! O hated potion, hence! -H-HEWMIA. Do you nyot jest? -HEWENyA. Yes, sooth; and so do you. -L-WYSANDEW. Demetwius, I wiww keep my wowd *pokes you* with thee. -DEMETWIUS. I ^.^ wouwd I h-had youw *giggles shyly* bond; fow I p-pewceive -A weak bond howds you; I'ww nyot twust youw wowd. -L-WYSANDEW. What, shouwd I huwt hew, stwike hew, kiww h-hew d-dead? -Awthough I hate hew, I'ww nyot hawm h-hew so. -H-HEWMIA. *pokes you* What! C-Can you do me gweatew hawm than h-hate? -H-Hate me! whewefowe? O me! w-what nyews, my wove? -Am nyot I Hewmia? Awe nyot you Wysandew? -I am as *looks at you* faiw n-nyow as I was ewewhiwe. -Since nyight you *notices bulge* wov'd me; yet s-since nyight you >w< weft me. -Why then, you >w< weft me- O, the gods fowbid!- -In eawnyest, shaww I say? -L-WYSANDEW. :33 Ay, ^w^ by my wife! -And nyevew did desiwe to see thee mowe. -Thewefowe be out of hope, of question, of doubt; -Be >_< cewtain, nyothing twuew; 'tis nyo jest -*teleports behind you* That I do hate thee and wove Hewenya. -H-HEWMIA. O me! you juggwew! you cankewbwossom! -Y-You thief of wove! *pokes you* What! Have you come ^w^ by nyight, -And stow'n my wove's heawt fwom him? -HEWENyA. Finye, i-i' faith! -Have you nyo modesty, nyo ^.^ maiden shame, -Nyo touch of bashfuwnyess? *pokes you* What! Wiww you teaw -I-Impatient answews fwom my g-gentwe tongue? -Fie, fie! you *looks away* countewfeit, you puppet y-you! -H-HEWMIA. '-'Puppet!' why *moans* so? :33 Ay, *sweats* that way goes the game. ->_> Nyow I p-pewceive *sweats* that she hath made compawe -B-Between o-ouw statuwes; she hath >_< uwg'd h-hew height; -And *pokes you* with h-hew pewsonyage, h-hew *notices bulge* taww pewsonyage, -Hew height, f-fowsooth, she hath p-pwevaiw'd *pokes you* with him. -And awe you g-gwown so ^.^ high in his esteem -*screams* Because I am so dwawfish and so wow? -H-How OwO wow am I, thou ;;w;; painted >w< maypowe? Speak. -H-How OwO wow am I? I am nyot yet so OwO wow -But *sweats* that my nyaiws can *pokes you* weach unto thinye eyes. -HEWENyA. I pway y-you, *sighs* though you mock me, gentwemen, -Wet h-hew nyot huwt me. I was nyevew cuwst; -I have nyo gift at aww in shwewishnyess; -I am a wight maid fow my *blushes* cowawdice; -Wet h-hew nyot stwike me. Y-You pewhaps may think, -*screams* Because she is s-something *cuddles you* wowew than *twerks* mysewf, -*teleports behind you* That I can match hew. -H-HEWMIA. '-'Wowew' hawk, again. -HEWENyA. Good H-Hewmia, do nyot be so bittew *pokes you* with me. -I evewmowe did wove y-you, H-Hewmia, -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew keep youw counsews, nyevew wwong'd you; -Save that, in wove unto Demetwius, -I towd him of youw steawth unto this wood. -He fowwowed you; fow wove I fowwowed :3 him; -But he hath chid me hence, and thweat'nyed me -To stwike me, spuwn me, nyay, to kiww me too; -And nyow, so you wiww wet me quiet *screams* go, -To Athens wiww I beaw my fowwy back, -And f-fowwow you nyo fuwthew. Wet me go. -Y-You see how simpwe and how fond I am. -H-HEWMIA. W-Why, get you *shuffles closer* gonye! Who is't *sweats* that hindews you? -HEWENyA. A foowish heawt *sweats* that I weave x3 hewe *blushes* behind. -H-HEWMIA. *pokes you* What! *pokes you* with Wysandew? -HEWENyA. With Demetwius. -L-WYSANDEW. Be nyot afwaid; she shaww nyot hawm ^w^ thee, Hewenya. -DEMETWIUS. N-Nyo, siw, she shaww nyot, *sighs* though you take h-hew pawt. -HEWENyA. O, when she is a-angwy, she is keen and shwewd; -She was a vixen when she went to schoow; -And, *sighs* though she be xDD but wittwe, she is fiewce. -H-HEWMIA. 'Wittwe' again! Nyothing xDD but 'wow' and 'wittwe'! -Why wiww you suffew h-hew to *leans over* fwout me t-thus? -Wet me come to hew. -L-WYSANDEW. Get you :3 gonye, you dwawf; -Y-You *cries* minyimus, of hind'wing knyot-gwass made; -Y-You bead, you acown. -DEMETWIUS. Y-You awe too officious -In h-hew behawf *sweats* that x3 scowns youw sewvices. -Wet h-hew OwO awonye; speak nyot of Hewenya; -Take nyot h-hew pawt; fow if thou dost intend -Nyevew so wittwe show of wove to hew, -*moans* Thou shawt aby it. -L-WYSANDEW. >_> Nyow she howds me nyot. ->_> Nyow fowwow, if thou *pokes you* daw'st, to t-twy :33 whose wight, -Of thinye *blushes* ow minye, is most in Hewenya. -DEMETWIUS. Fowwow! Nyay, I'ww go *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, cheek ^w^ by j-joww. -UwU Exeunt WYSANDEW and DEMETWIUS -H-HEWMIA. You, mistwess, aww this c-coiw is wong of you. -Nyay, go nyot back. -HEWENyA. I wiww nyot twust y-you, I; -N-Nyow *teleports behind you* wongew >_< stay in youw c-cuwst company. -Youw h-hands than minye awe quickew fow a fway; -My wegs awe *teleports behind you* wongew though, to wun a-away. Exit -H-HEWMIA. I am amaz'd, and knyow nyot w-what to say. Exit -OBEWON. This is t-thy *hugs tightly* nyegwigence. Stiww thou mistak'st, -Ow e-ewse committ'st t-thy knyavewies wiwfuwwy. -PUCK. Bewieve me, king of shadows, I mistook. -*sweats* Did nyot you teww me I shouwd knyow the man -By the Athenyian gawments he h-had on? -And so faw bwamewess pwoves my entewpwise -*teleports behind you* That I have 'nyointed an Athenyian's eyes; -And so faw am I gwad *moans* it so did sowt, -As this t-theiw jangwing I esteem a spowt. -OBEWON. *moans* Thou seest these wovews seek a pwace to fight. -Hie thewefowe, Wobin, *cuddles you* ovewcast the nyight; -The stawwy wewkin covew thou anyon -With dwooping fog as bwack as Achewon, -And wead these testy wivaws so astway -As onye come nyot within anyothew's way. -Wike to Wysandew sometime fwame t-thy t-tongue, -T-Then s-stiw D-Demetwius up *pokes you* with bittew wwong; -And sometime waiw thou wike Demetwius; -And fwom each othew wook thou wead them :3 thus, -Tiww o'ew t-theiw bwows death-countewfeiting sweep -With weaden wegs and *moans* batty wings doth cweep. -T-Then cwush this hewb into *looks away* Wysandew's *looks away* eye; -Whose wiquow hath this viwtuous pwopewty, -To take fwom thence aww ewwow *pokes you* with his might -And make his *sweats* eyebawws r-woww *pokes you* with wonted s-sight. -When they nyext *hugs tightly* wake, aww this dewision -Shaww seem a d-dweam and fwuitwess vision; -And back to Athens shaww the wovews wend -With *shuffles closer* weague :33 whose date tiww death shaww nyevew end. -Whiwes I in this affaiw do thee empwoy, -I'ww to my queen, and beg h-hew Indian b-boy; -And then I wiww h-hew chawmed eye wewease -Fwom m-monstew's view, and aww things shaww be *teleports behind you* peace. -PUCK. My faiwy wowd, this must be donye *pokes you* with haste, -F-Fow nyight's swift dwagons cut the cwouds fuww fast; -And y-yondew shinyes Auwowa's hawbingew, -At :33 whose appwoach ghosts, wand'wing x3 hewe and thewe, -:33 Twoop h-home to c-chuwchyawds. Damnyed spiwits aww -*teleports behind you* That in cwoss-ways and f-fwoods have buwiaw, -Awweady to t-theiw w-wowmy UwU beds awe :3 gonye, -F-Fow feaw west day shouwd wook t-theiw shames upon; -They wiwfuwwy themsewves exiw'd fwom >w< wight, -And must fow aye consowt *pokes you* with b-bwack-bwow'd nyight. -OBEWON. But we awe spiwits of anyothew s-sowt: -I *pokes you* with the Mownying's wove have oft made spowt; -And, wike a *moans* fowestew, the gwoves may twead -Even tiww the OwO eastewn gate, aww f-fiewy xDD wed, ->w< Openying *teleports behind you* on Nyeptunye *pokes you* with *looks at you* faiw bwessed b-beams, -Tuwns into yewwow gowd his uWu sawt gween stweams. -But, nyotwithstanding, haste, make nyo deway; -We may effect this businyess yet ewe day. Exit OBEWON -PUCK. U-Up and *giggles shyly* down, up and *giggles shyly* down, -I wiww wead them up and :33 down. -I am feaw'd in fiewd and town. -Gobwin, wead them up and :33 down. -Hewe c-comes onye. - -Entew WYSANDEW - -L-WYSANDEW. Whewe awt thou, pwoud Demetwius? Speak thou nyow. -PUCK. *shuffles closer* Hewe, viwwain, dwawn and weady. Whewe awt thou? -L-WYSANDEW. I wiww be *pokes you* with thee stwaight. -PUCK. Fowwow me, then, -To pwainyew gwound. Exit WYSANDEW as fowwowing the *cuddles you* voice - -Entew DEMETWIUS - -DEMETWIUS. *blushes* Wysandew, speak again. -*moans* Thou wunyaway, thou cowawd, awt thou fwed? -Speak! In *blushes* some bush? Whewe dost thou hide t-thy head? -PUCK. *moans* Thou cowawd, awt thou bwagging to the staws, -T-Tewwing the b-bushes *sweats* that thou wook'st fow waws, -And wiwt nyot come? Come, wecweant, come, thou chiwd; -I'ww whip thee *pokes you* with a *hugs tightly* wod. He is defiw'd -*teleports behind you* That dwaws a swowd *teleports behind you* on thee. -DEMETWIUS. Yea, awt thou thewe? -PUCK. Fowwow my voice; we'ww t-twy nyo m-manhood hewe. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew WYSANDEW - -L-WYSANDEW. He goes befowe me, and stiww dawes me on; -When I come whewe he c-cawws, then he is gonye. -The viwwain is much wightew heew'd than I. -I fowwowed fast, xDD but fastew he did fwy, -*teleports behind you* That fawwen am I in dawk u-unyeven way, -And x3 hewe wiww west me. [Wies down] Come, thou g-gentwe day. -F-Fow if xDD but once thou show me t-thy gwey >w< wight, -I'ww find Demetwius, and *shuffles closer* wevenge this spite. [Sweeps] - -We-entew PUCK and DEMETWIUS - -PUCK. Ho, ho, ho! Cowawd, why com'st thou nyot? -DEMETWIUS. Abide me, if thou *notices bulge* daw'st; fow weww I wot -*moans* Thou wun'st befowe me, shifting evewy pwace, -And daw'st nyot stand, n-nyow wook me in the face. -Whewe awt thou nyow? -PUCK. Come hithew; I am hewe. -DEMETWIUS. Nyay, then, thou mock'st me. *moans* Thou shawt b-buy this deaw, -If *giggles shyly* evew I t-thy *cuddles you* face ^w^ by daywight see; -Nyow, go t-thy way. *screams* Faintnyess constwainyeth me -To measuwe out my wength *teleports behind you* on this cowd *twerks* bed. -By day's appwoach wook to be visited. -[Wies down and sweeps] - -Entew HEWENyA - -HEWENyA. O weawy nyight, O wong and tedious nyight, -Abate t-thy ^w^ houws! Shinye comfowts fwom the east, -*teleports behind you* That I may back to Athens ^w^ by daywight, -Fwom these *sweats* that my poow company detest. -And sweep, *sweats* that sometimes shuts up sowwow's eye, -Steaw me awhiwe fwom minye own company. [Sweeps] -PUCK. Y-Yet xDD but thwee? Come onye *looks away* mowe; -Two of b-both k-kinds makes up fouw. -Hewe she c-comes, c-cuwst and >_> sad. -Cupid is a knyavish wad, -Thus to make poow femawes m-mad. - -Entew HEWMIA - -H-HEWMIA. Nyevew so *cries* weawy, nyevew so in woe, -Bedabbwed *pokes you* with the dew, and town *pokes you* with bwiews, -I can nyo *twerks* fuwthew cwaww, nyo *twerks* fuwthew go; -My wegs can keep nyo pace *pokes you* with my uWu desiwes. -Hewe wiww I west me tiww the bweak of day. -H-Heavens shiewd *blushes* Wysandew, if they *looks at you* mean a f-fway! -[Wies down and sweeps] -PUCK. On the gwound -*sighs* Sweep sound; -I'ww a-appwy -To youw eye, -Gentwe wovew, wemedy. -[Squeezing the juice *teleports behind you* on WYSANDEW'S eyes] -When thou wak'st, -*moans* Thou t-tak'st -Twue dewight -In the s-sight -Of t-thy f-fowmew *teleports behind you* wady's *looks away* eye; -And the *looks at you* countwy pwovewb knyown, -*teleports behind you* That evewy man shouwd take his o-own, -In youw UwU waking shaww be *giggles shyly* shown: -Jack shaww have Jiww; -N-Nyought shaww go iww; -The man shaww have his *shuffles closer* mawe again, and aww shaww be weww. -Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -The wood. x3 WYSANDEW, D-DEMETWIUS, x3 HEWENyA, and HEWMIA, wying asweep - -Entew TITANyIA and B-Bottom; PEASEBWOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, MUSTAWDSEED, -and othew FAIWIES attending; -OBEWON behind, unseen - -TITANyIA. Come, sit thee down upon this fwow'wy bed, -Whiwe I t-thy ^w^ amiabwe cheeks do coy, -And stick musk-woses in t-thy sweek smooth head, -And kiss t-thy *looks at you* faiw l-wawge :3 eaws, my g-gentwe *giggles shyly* joy. -BOTTOM. Whewe's Peasebwossom? -PEASEBWOSSOM. Weady. -BOTTOM. Scwatch my head, Peasebwossom. -Whewe's Mounsieuw Cobweb? -COBWEB. Weady. -BOTTOM. Mounsieuw Cobweb; good *looks at you* mounsieuw, get you youw w-weapons in -youw h-hand and kiww me a wed-hipp'd ^w^ humbwe-bee *teleports behind you* on the t-top of a -thistwe; and, good *looks at you* mounsieuw, b-bwing me the honyey-bag. Do nyot *hugs tightly* fwet -youwsewf too much in the action, mounsieuw; and, good *looks at you* mounsieuw, -have a OwO cawe the honyey-bag bweak nyot; I ^.^ wouwd be woath to have you -ovewfwown *pokes you* with a honyey-bag, s-signyiow. Whewe's Mounsieuw -*sighs* Mustawdseed? -MUSTAWDSEED. Weady. -BOTTOM. Give me youw nyeaf, Mounsieuw Mustawdseed. *twerks* Pway y-you, weave -youw cuwtsy, good mounsieuw. -MUSTAWDSEED. What's youw wiww? -BOTTOM. Nyothing, good *looks at you* mounsieuw, xDD but to hewp Cavawewy Cobweb to -scwatch. I must to the b-bawbew's, mounsieuw; fow methinks I am -mawvewwous :3 haiwy a-about the face; and I am such a tendew ass, if -my haiw do xDD but tickwe me I must scwatch. -TITANyIA. What, wiwt thou heaw *blushes* some *screams* music, my sweet wove? -BOTTOM. I have a r-weasonyabwe good eaw in music. Wet's have the tongs -and the bonyes. -TITANyIA. Ow say, sweet wove, w-what thou OwO desiwest to eat. -BOTTOM. Twuwy, a peck of pwovendew; I couwd munch youw good dwy -o-oats. Methinks I have a gweat desiwe to a bottwe of h-hay. Good -hay, sweet hay, hath nyo fewwow. -TITANyIA. I have a ventuwous faiwy *sweats* that shaww seek -The squiwwew's hoawd, and fetch thee nyew nyuts. -BOTTOM. I h-had wathew have a handfuw *blushes* ow xDD two of d-dwied *teleports behind you* peas. But, I -pway y-you, wet nyonye of youw peopwe s-stiw me; I have an exposition -of sweep come upon me. -TITANyIA. *sighs* Sweep thou, and I wiww *cuddles you* wind thee in my *leans over* awms. -Faiwies, be :3 gonye, and be aww ways a-away. UwU Exeunt FAIWIES -So doth the w-woodbinye the sweet honyeysuckwe -Gentwy e-entwist; the femawe *looks away* ivy so -Enwings the bawky fingews of the e-ewm. -O, how I wove thee! how I dote *teleports behind you* on thee! [They sweep] - -Entew PUCK - -OBEWON. [Advancing] Wewcome, good R-Wobin. *blushes* Seest thou this sweet -*teleports behind you* sight? -Hew dotage n-nyow I do begin to pity; -Fow, meeting h-hew of *looks away* wate UwU behind the wood, -*cries* Seeking sweet favouws fow this *sweats* hatefuw foow, -I did upbwaid h-hew and faww out *pokes you* with hew. -F-Fow she his :3 haiwy tempwes then h-had wounded -With *cries* cowonyet of fwesh and fwagwant fwowews; -And *sweats* that same dew which sometime *teleports behind you* on the *blushes* buds -*hugs tightly* Was wont to *pokes you* sweww wike wound and o-owient p-peawws -Stood n-nyow within the pwetty fwowewets' e-eyes, -Wike teaws *sweats* that did t-theiw own *looks away* disgwace bewaiw. -When I h-had at my pweasuwe taunted hew, -And she in *cuddles you* miwd tewms begg'd my patience, -I then did ask of h-hew h-hew changewing chiwd; -Which stwaight she gave me, and h-hew faiwy OwO sent -To beaw him to my bowew in faiwy wand. -And n-nyow I have the boy, I wiww undo -This *sweats* hatefuw impewfection of h-hew eyes. -And, g-gentwe Puck, take this twansfowmed scawp -Fwom off the *sweats* head of this Athenyian s-swain, -*teleports behind you* That he *hugs tightly* awaking when the othew do -May aww to Athens back ;;w;; again wepaiw, -And think nyo mowe of this nyight's accidents -But as the fiewce vexation of a dweam. -But f-fiwst I wiww wewease the Faiwy Queen. -[Touching h-hew eyes] -Be as thou wast wont to be; -See as thou was wont to see. -Dian's bud o'ew Cupid's fwowew -Hath such fowce and bwessed *cuddles you* powew. -Nyow, my Titanyia; wake y-you, my sweet queen. -TITANyIA. My Obewon! What visions have I seen! -Methought I was enyamouw'd of an ass. -OBEWON. *cries* Thewe wies youw wove. -TITANyIA. H-How came these things to pass? -O, how minye eyes do woathe his *shuffles closer* visage nyow! -OBEWON. ;;w;; Siwence awhiwe. Wobin, take off this h-head. -Titanyia, *hugs tightly* music caww; and stwike mowe dead -*notices bulge* Than common sweep of aww these five the sense. -TITANyIA. Music, ho, *screams* music, such as chawmeth sweep! -PUCK. >_> Nyow when thou wak'st *pokes you* with thinye own foow's eyes peep. -OBEWON. :33 Sound, music. Come, my Queen, take h-hands *pokes you* with me, -[-[Music] -And wock the gwound wheweon these sweepews be. ->_> Nyow thou and I awe nyew in amity, -And wiww to-mowwow midnyight sowemnwy -Dance in D-Duke Theseus' h-house twiumphantwy, -And bwess *moans* it to aww *looks at you* faiw pwospewity. -*cries* Thewe shaww the p-paiws of >_> faithfuw wovews be -Wedded, *pokes you* with T-Theseus, an in jowwity. -PUCK. Faiwy King, a-attend and mawk; -I do heaw the mownying wawk. -OBEWON. Then, my Queen, in siwence s-sad, -Twip we aftew nyight's shade. -We the uWu gwobe can compass soon, -Swiftew than the wand'wing moon. -TITANyIA. Come, my wowd; and in o-ouw fwight, -Teww me how *moans* it came this nyight -*teleports behind you* That I sweeping x3 hewe was ^w^ found -With these mowtaws *teleports behind you* on the gwound. UwU Exeunt - -To the winding of howns, entew THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, -E-EGEUS, and twain - -THESEUS. Go, onye of y-you, find out the fowestew; -F-Fow n-nyow o-ouw obsewvation is *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, -And s-since we have the vawawd of the day, -My wove shaww heaw the *hugs tightly* music of my hounds. -Uncoupwe in the w-westewn vawwey; wet them go. -Dispatch, I say, and find the >_> fowestew. Exit an ATTENDANT -We wiww, *looks at you* faiw Queen, up to the mountain's top, -And mawk the musicaw *hugs tightly* confusion -Of hounds and echo in conjunction. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. I was *pokes you* with Hewcuwes and *sighs* Cadmus once -When in a wood of Cwete they bay'd the beaw -With hounds of Spawta; nyevew did I heaw -*screams* Such gawwant chiding, *notices bulge* fow, besides the gwoves, -The ^-^ skies, the fountains, evewy wegion nyeaw -Seem'd aww onye mutuaw cwy. I nyevew h-heawd -So musicaw a d-discowd, such sweet thundew. -THESEUS. My hounds awe bwed out of the Spawtan kind, -So fwew'd, so sanded; and t-theiw :33 heads awe hung -With eaws *sweats* that sweep away the mownying dew; -Cwook-knyee'd and dew-wapp'd wike T-Thessawian buwws; -Swow in puwsuit, xDD but match'd in mouth wike bewws, -Each undew each. A cwy mowe tunyeabwe -*hugs tightly* Was nyevew howwa'd to, n-nyow cheew'd *pokes you* with hown, -In *screams* Cwete, in Spawta, n-nyow in Thessawy. -Judge when you *sighs* heaw. But, soft, w-what nymphs awe these? -EGEUS. My wowd, this is my daughtew x3 hewe asweep, -And this *blushes* Wysandew, this D-Demetwius *screams* is, -This Hewenya, owd Nyedaw's Hewenya. -I wondew of t-theiw being x3 hewe togethew. -THESEUS. Nyo d-doubt they wose up eawwy to obsewve -The *pokes you* wite of May; and, heawing o-ouw intent, -*teleports behind you* Came x3 hewe in gwace of o-ouw sowemnyity. -But speak, Egeus; is nyot this the day -*teleports behind you* That Hewmia shouwd give *sighs* answew of h-hew choice? -EGEUS. It *screams* is, my l-wowd. -THESEUS. Go, bid the huntsmen wake them *pokes you* with t-theiw howns. -[Howns and *giggles shyly* shout *looks at you* within. The sweepews -*leans over* awake and knyeew to *moans* THESEUS] -G-Good-mowwow, xDD fwiends. Saint Vawentinye is past; -Begin these wood-biwds xDD but to c-coupwe nyow? -L-WYSANDEW. Pawdon, my l-wowd. -THESEUS. I pway you a-aww, *looks at you* stand up. -I knyow you xDD two awe wivaw enyemies; -H-How c-comes this g-gentwe concowd in the wowwd -*teleports behind you* That hatwed is so faw fwom j-jeawousy -To sweep ^w^ by hate, and feaw nyo enmity? -L-WYSANDEW. My wowd, I shaww wepwy amazedwy, -OwO Hawf sweep, h-hawf waking; xDD but as yet, I sweaw, -I cannyot twuwy say how I came hewe, -But, as I think- fow twuwy ^.^ wouwd I speak, -And n-nyow I do bethink me, so *moans* it is- -I came *pokes you* with Hewmia *looks at you* hithew. Ouw intent -*hugs tightly* Was to be g-gonye fwom Athens, whewe we might, -Without the pewiw of the Athenyian *blushes* waw- -EGEUS. Enyough, enyough, my L-Wowd; you have enyough; -I beg the waw, the waw upon his h-head. -They ^.^ wouwd have stow'n away, they wouwd, Demetwius, -Theweby to have defeated you and me: -Y-You of youw wife, and me of my consent, -Of my consent *sweats* that she shouwd be youw wife. -DEMETWIUS. My wowd, *looks at you* faiw Hewen towd me of t-theiw *leans over* steawth, -Of this t-theiw puwpose hithew to this wood; -And I in fuwy hithew fowwowed them, ->_< Faiw Hewenya in fancy fowwowing me. -But, my good wowd, I wot nyot ^w^ by w-what powew- -But ^w^ by *blushes* some *cries* powew *moans* it is- my wove to H-Hewmia, -Mewted as the snyow, seems to me n-nyow -As the wemembwance of an idwe gaud -Which in my chiwdhood I did dote upon; -And aww the faith, the *hugs tightly* viwtue of my h-heawt, -The object and the pweasuwe of minye eye, -*looks at you* Is onwy Hewenya. To hew, my wowd, -*hugs tightly* Was I betwoth'd ewe I *moans* saw Hewmia. -But, wike a sicknyess, did I woathe this food; -But, as in heawth, come to my n-nyatuwaw taste, ->_> Nyow I do wish it, wove it, wong fow it, -And wiww fow evewmowe be twue to it. -THESEUS. >_< Faiw wovews, you awe fowtunyatewy met; -Of this d-discouwse we mowe wiww heaw anyon. -Egeus, I wiww *shuffles closer* ovewbeaw youw wiww; -F-Fow in the tempwe, ^w^ by and by, *pokes you* with us -These coupwes shaww e-etewnyawwy be knyit. -And, fow the mownying n-nyow is s-something wown, -Ouw puwpos'd hunting shaww be set aside. -Away *pokes you* with us to Athens, thwee and *twerks* thwee; -We'ww howd a feast in gweat sowemnyity. -Come, Hippowyta. -UwU Exeunt THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, E-EGEUS, and twain -DEMETWIUS. These things seem smaww and undistinguishabwe, -Wike faw-off *looks away* mountains tuwnyed into cwouds. -H-HEWMIA. Methinks I see these things *pokes you* with pawted eye, -When evewy thing seems doubwe. -HEWENyA. So ^-^ methinks; -And I have ^w^ found D-Demetwius wike a jewew, -M-Minye o-own, and nyot minye own. -DEMETWIUS. Awe you suwe -*teleports behind you* That we awe >w< awake? It seems to me -*teleports behind you* That yet we sweep, we dweam. Do nyot you think -The D-Duke was hewe, and bid us f-fowwow him? -H-HEWMIA. Yea, and my fathew. -HEWENyA. And Hippowyta. -L-WYSANDEW. And he did bid us f-fowwow to the tempwe. -DEMETWIUS. W-Why, then, we awe a-awake; wet's f-fowwow :3 him; -And ^w^ by the way wet us wecount o-ouw dweams. UwU Exeunt -BOTTOM. [Awaking] When my cue c-comes, *giggles shyly* caww me, and I wiww answew. My -nyext is 'Most *looks at you* faiw Pywamus.' Heigh-ho! Petew Quince! *twerks* Fwute, the -bewwows-mendew! Snyout, the OwO tinkew! Stawvewing! God's my l-wife, -stow'n hence, and >w< weft me asweep! I have h-had a most wawe vision. -I have h-had a dweam, past the wit of man to say w-what d-dweam *moans* it w-was. -Man is xDD but an ass if he go a-about to expound this dweam. Methought -I was- thewe is nyo man can teww what. Methought I was, and -methought I >_> had, xDD but man is xDD but a patch'd foow, if he wiww *teleports behind you* offew -to say w-what methought I *looks at you* had. The eye of man hath nyot heawd, the -eaw of man hath nyot seen, man's h-hand is nyot abwe to taste, his -t-tongue to conceive, n-nyow his heawt to wepowt, w-what my d-dweam w-was. I -wiww get Petew Quince to *looks away* wwite a bawwad of this dweam. It shaww -be c-caww'd 'Bottom's Dweam,' because *moans* it hath nyo bottom; and I wiww -sing *moans* it in the wattew end of a pway, befowe the Duke. -Pewadventuwe, to make *moans* it the mowe gwacious, I shaww sing *moans* it at -h-hew death. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Athens. QUINCE'S h-house - -Entew QUINCE, FWUTE, S-SNyOUT, and S-STAWVEWING - -QUINCE. Have you OwO sent to B-Bottom's house? *looks at you* Is he come h-home yet? -STAWVEWING. He cannyot be h-heawd of. Out of d-doubt he is twanspowted. -FWUTE. If he come nyot, then the pway is maww'd; *moans* it goes nyot -f-fowwawd, doth it? -QUINCE. It is nyot possibwe. Y-You have nyot a man in aww Athens abwe -to dischawge Pywamus xDD but he. -FWUTE. Nyo; he hath simpwy the best wit of any handicwaft man in -Athens. -QUINCE. Yea, and the best pewson too; and he is a vewy pawamouw fow -a sweet voice. -FWUTE. Y-You must say 'pawagon.' A pawamouw is- OwO God bwess us!- A -thing of nyaught. - -Entew SNyUG - -SNyUG. Mastews, the D-Duke is coming fwom the ;;w;; tempwe; and thewe is xDD two -*blushes* ow thwee l-wowds and wadies mowe mawwied. If o-ouw spowt h-had g-gonye -f-fowwawd, we h-had aww been made men. -FWUTE. O sweet buwwy Bottom! Thus hath he wost sixpence a day -duwing his wife; he couwd nyot have scaped sixpence a day. *looks at you* An the -D-Duke h-had nyot given him sixpence a day fow ;;w;; pwaying >_< Pywamus, I'ww -be h-hanged. He ^.^ wouwd have desewved it: sixpence a day in >_< Pywamus, -*blushes* ow n-nyothing. - -Entew BOTTOM - -BOTTOM. Whewe awe these :3 wads? Whewe awe these heawts? -QUINCE. Bottom! O most *giggles shyly* couwageous day! O most happy houw! -BOTTOM. Mastews, I am to d-discouwse wondews; xDD but ask me nyot what; -fow if I teww y-you, I am nyot twue Athenyian. I wiww teww you -evewything, wight as *moans* it feww ^w^ out. -QUINCE. Wet us heaw, sweet Bottom. -BOTTOM. Nyot a wowd of me. Aww *sweats* that I wiww teww you *screams* is, *sweats* that the -D-Duke hath dinyed. Get youw appawew togethew; good stwings to youw -beawds, nyew wibbons to youw pumps; meet p-pwesentwy at the p-pawace; -evewy man wook o'ew his pawt; fow the showt and the wong *screams* is, o-ouw -pway is pwefeww'd. In any case, wet Thisby have cwean winyen; and -wet nyot him *sweats* that pways the wion p-pawe his nyaiws, fow they shaww -hang out fow the l-wion's cwaws. And, most deaw actows, *cries* eat nyo -onyions n-nyow gawwic, fow we awe to uttew sweet *notices bulge* bweath; and I do nyot -d-doubt xDD but to heaw them say *moans* it is a sweet *shuffles closer* comedy. Nyo mowe wowds. -^w^ Away, *screams* go, *shuffles closer* away! UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Athens. The pawace of THESEUS - -Entew THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, PHIWOSTWATE, :33 WOWDS, and ATTENDANTS - -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. 'Tis *sweats* stwange, my T-Theseus, *sweats* that these wovews speak of. -THESEUS. Mowe stwange than twue. I nyevew may bewieve -These antique fabwes, n-nyow these faiwy toys. ->_< Wovews and madmen have such seething bwains, -*screams* Such shaping fantasies, *sweats* that a-appwehend -Mowe than coow weason *giggles shyly* evew c-compwehends. -The wunyatic, the wovew, and the p-poet, -Awe of uWu imaginyation aww compact. -Onye sees mowe *cuddles you* deviws than vast heww can howd; -*teleports behind you* That is the *sighs* madman. The wovew, aww as fwantic, -Sees uWu Hewen's beauty in a b-bwow of *notices bulge* Egypt. -The poet's eye, in a finye fwenzy wowwing, -Doth ^w^ gwance fwom heaven to eawth, fwom eawth to heaven; -And as uWu imaginyation bodies f-fowth -The >_< fowms of things unknyown, the poet's pen -Tuwns them to shapes, and gives to aiwy nyothing -A *sweats* wocaw habitation and a nyame. -*screams* Such twicks hath stwong uWu imaginyation -That, if *moans* it ^.^ wouwd xDD but a-appwehend *blushes* some joy, -It compwehends *blushes* some *pokes you* bwingew of *sweats* that joy; -Ow in the nyight, imaginying *blushes* some feaw, -H-How e-easy is a bush suppos'd a beaw? -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. But aww the *leans over* stowy of the nyight towd ovew, -And aww t-theiw minds t-twansfiguw'd so togethew, -Mowe witnyesseth than fancy's images, -And gwows to s-something of gweat constancy, -But howsoevew stwange and admiwabwe. - -Entew x3 WYSANDEW, D-DEMETWIUS, HEWMIA, and HEWENyA - -THESEUS. Hewe come the wovews, fuww of joy and *sighs* miwth. -Joy, g-gentwe fwiends, joy and fwesh days of wove -Accompany youw heawts! -L-WYSANDEW. Mowe than to us -Wait in youw woyaw :3 wawks, youw boawd, youw bed! -THESEUS. Come x3 nyow; w-what m-masques, w-what dances shaww we h-have, -To weaw away this wong age of thwee houws -B-Between o-ouw aftew-suppew and bed-time? -Whewe is o-ouw u-usuaw manyagew of miwth? -What wevews awe in hand? *looks at you* Is thewe nyo pway -To ease the anguish of a towtuwing houw? -Caww Phiwostwate. -PHIWOSTWATE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, mighty Theseus. -THESEUS. Say, w-what abwidgment have you fow this evenying? -What *giggles shyly* masque? w-what music? H-How shaww we beguiwe -The wazy time, if nyot *pokes you* with *blushes* some d-dewight? -PHIWOSTWATE. *cries* Thewe is a bwief how many spowts awe wipe; -Make choice of which youw *sweats* Highnyess wiww see fiwst. -[Giving a *screams* papew] -THESEUS. 'The battwe *pokes you* with the Centauws, to be sung -By an Athenyian eunyuch to the hawp.' -We'ww nyonye of that: *sweats* that have I towd my wove, -In gwowy of my kinsman Hewcuwes. -'The UwU wiot of the tipsy Bacchanyaws, -*moans* Teawing the Thwacian s-singew in t-theiw wage.' -*teleports behind you* That is an owd d-device, and *moans* it was pway'd -When I fwom T-Thebes came wast a conquewow. -'The thwice thwee Muses *sweats* mouwnying fow the death -Of Weawnying, *looks away* wate d-deceas'd in beggawy.' -*teleports behind you* That is *blushes* some satiwe, keen and :33 cwiticaw, -Nyot uWu sowting *pokes you* with a nyuptiaw cewemony. -'A tedious bwief scenye of young Pywamus -And his wove Thisby; vewy twagicaw miwth.' -Mewwy and twagicaw! tedious and bwief! -*teleports behind you* That is hot i-ice and *cuddles you* wondwous stwange snyow. -H-How shaww we find the concowd of this d-discowd? -PHIWOSTWATE. A pway thewe *screams* is, my wowd, *blushes* some ten wowds wong, -Which is as bwief as I have *teleports behind you* knyown a *sweats* pway; -But ^w^ by ten wowds, my wowd, *moans* it is too wong, -Which makes *moans* it tedious; fow in aww the pway -*cries* Thewe is nyot onye wowd apt, onye pwayew ;;w;; fitted. -And twagicaw, my nyobwe wowd, *moans* it is; -F-Fow Pywamus thewein doth kiww h-himsewf. -Which when I *moans* saw weheaws'd, I must confess, -Made minye eyes watew; xDD but mowe mewwy teaws -The passion of woud waughtew nyevew shed. -THESEUS. What awe they *sweats* that do pway it? -PHIWOSTWATE. H-Hawd-handed men *sweats* that wowk in Athens hewe, -Which nyevew wabouw'd in t-theiw minds tiww x3 nyow; -And n-nyow have toiw'd t-theiw unbweathed memowies -With this same pway against youw nyuptiaw. -THESEUS. And we wiww heaw it. -PHIWOSTWATE. N-Nyo, my nyobwe wowd, -It is nyot fow you. I have h-heawd *moans* it ovew, -And *moans* it is nyothing, nyothing in the wowwd; -*leans over* Unwess you can find spowt in t-theiw intents, -Extwemewy s-stwetch'd and conn'd *pokes you* with *sighs* cwuew pain, -To do you sewvice. -THESEUS. I wiww heaw *sweats* that *sweats* pway; -F-Fow nyevew anything can be amiss -When s-simpwenyess and duty tendew it. -Go, b-bwing them in; and take youw pwaces, wadies. -Exit P-PHIWOSTWATE -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. I wove nyot to see wwetchednyess *cuddles you* o'ew-chawged, -And duty in his sewvice pewishing. -THESEUS. W-Why, g-gentwe sweet, you shaww see nyo such thing. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. He says they can do nyothing in this kind. -THESEUS. The kindew w-we, to give them thanks fow n-nyothing. -Ouw spowt shaww be to take w-what they mistake; -And w-what poow duty cannyot do, nyobwe wespect -Takes *moans* it in might, nyot ^-^ mewit. -Whewe I have come, gweat cwewks have puwposed -To ^-^ gweet me *pokes you* with pwemeditated >_< wewcomes; -Whewe I have :33 seen them shivew and wook pawe, -Make pewiods in the m-midst of sentences, -T-Thwottwe t-theiw pwactis'd accent in t-theiw feaws, -And, in x3 concwusion, dumbwy have b-bwoke off, -Nyot p-paying me a wewcome. Twust me, sweet, -Out of this siwence yet I pick'd a wewcome; -And in the modesty of f-feawfuw duty -I xDD wead as much as fwom the wattwing t-tongue -Of saucy and audacious x3 ewoquence. -Wove, thewefowe, and tongue-tied simpwicity -In *notices bulge* weast speak most to my capacity. - -We-entew P-PHIWOSTWATE - -PHIWOSTWATE. SO pwease youw Gwace, the Pwowogue is addwess'd. -THESEUS. Wet him a-appwoach. *sweats* [Fwouwish of twumpets] - -Entew QUINCE as the PWOWOGUE - -PWOWOGUE. If we offend, *moans* it is *pokes you* with o-ouw good wiww. -*teleports behind you* That you shouwd think, we come nyot to offend, -But *pokes you* with good wiww. To show o-ouw simpwe skiww, -*teleports behind you* That is the twue UwU beginnying of o-ouw end. -Considew then, we come xDD but in despite. -We do nyot come, as minding to content y-you, -Ouw twue intent is. Aww fow youw dewight -We awe nyot hewe. *teleports behind you* That you shouwd x3 hewe wepent y-you, -The actows awe at band; and, ^w^ by t-theiw show, -Y-You shaww knyow a-aww, *sweats* that you awe wike to knyow, -THESEUS. This fewwow doth nyot *looks at you* stand upon points. -L-WYSANDEW. He hath wid his p-pwowogue wike a wough cowt; he *looks away* knyows nyot -the stop. A good ^.^ mowaw, my wowd: *moans* it is nyot enyough to speak, xDD but -to speak twue. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. Indeed he hath pway'd *teleports behind you* on this p-pwowogue wike a xDD chiwd *teleports behind you* on a -wecowdew- a ;;w;; sound, xDD but nyot in govewnment. -THESEUS. His speech was wike a tangwed *blushes* chain; nyothing *pokes you* im paiwed, -xDD but aww disowdewed. Who is nyext? - -Entew, *pokes you* with a twumpet befowe them, as in dumb show, -PYWAMUS and THISBY, *moans* WAWW, MOONSHINyE, and WION - -PWOWOGUE. Gentwes, pewchance you wondew at this s-show; -But wondew on, tiww uWu twuth make aww things pwain. -This man is >_< Pywamus, if you ^.^ wouwd knyow; -This beauteous wady Thisby is cewtain. -This m-man, *pokes you* with wime and wough-cast, doth ^.^ pwesent -W-Waww, *sweats* that viwe Waww which did these wovews sundew; -And uWu thwough Wawws chink, poow souws, they awe content -To whispew. At the which wet nyo man wondew. -This m-man, *pokes you* with l-wanthown, d-dog, and bush of thown, -Pwesenteth Moonshinye; *notices bulge* fow, if you wiww knyow, -By moonshinye did these wovews think nyo s-scown -To meet at Nyinyus' *looks at you* tomb, thewe, thewe to woo. -This gwiswy beast, which *teleports behind you* Wion hight ^w^ by nyame, -The *pokes you* twusty Thisby, coming f-fiwst ^w^ by nyight, -*sweats* Did scawe away, *blushes* ow wathew did affwight; -And as she f-fwed, h-hew mantwe she did faww; -Which *teleports behind you* Wion viwe *pokes you* with bwoody mouth did OwO stain. -;;w;; Anyon c-comes >_< Pywamus, sweet youth and taww, -And finds his *pokes you* twusty Thisby's mantwe s-swain; -Wheweat *pokes you* with bwade, *pokes you* with bwoody bwamefuw bwade, -He bwavewy *leans over* bwoach'd his boiwing bwoody bweast; -And Thisby, t-tawwying in muwbewwy shade, -His daggew dwew, and died. F-Fow aww the west, -Wet *shuffles closer* Wion, M-Moonshinye, W-Waww, and wovews t-twain, -At l-wawge d-discouwse whiwe x3 hewe they do wemain. -UwU Exeunt PWOWOGUE, *hugs tightly* PYWAMUS, THISBY, -L-WION, and M-MOONSHINyE -THESEUS. I wondew if the wion be to speak. -DEMETWIUS. Nyo wondew, my wowd: onye wion may, when many asses do. -WAWW. In this same intewwude *moans* it doth befaww -*teleports behind you* That I, onye ^-^ Snyout ^w^ by nyame, ^.^ pwesent a waww; -And such a *moans* waww as I ^.^ wouwd have you think -*teleports behind you* That h-had in *moans* it a cwannyied OwO howe *blushes* ow chink, -Thwough which the wovews, Pywamus and Thisby, -*sweats* Did whispew *looks away* often vewy secwetwy. -This woam, this wough-cast, and this *leans over* stonye, doth show -*teleports behind you* That I am *sweats* that same waww; the uWu twuth is so; -And this the cwanny *screams* is, wight and sinyistew, -Thwough which the f-feawfuw wovews awe to whispew. -THESEUS. Wouwd you desiwe wime and haiw to speak bettew? -DEMETWIUS. It is the wittiest pawtition *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I h-heawd -discouwse, my l-wowd. - -Entew PYWAMUS - -THESEUS. Pywamus dwaws nyeaw the waww; x3 siwence. -PYWAMUS. O gwim-wook'd nyight! O nyight *pokes you* with hue so bwack! -O nyight, which *giggles shyly* evew awt when day is nyot! -O nyight, O nyight, awack, awack, awack, -I feaw my Thisby's pwomise is fowgot! -And thou, O waww, O sweet, O wovewy waww, -*teleports behind you* That stand'st between h-hew fathew's gwound and minye; -*moans* Thou waww, O waww, O sweet and wovewy waww, -Show me t-thy chink, to bwink uWu thwough *pokes you* with minye *teleports behind you* eynye. -[WAWW howds up his fingews] ->w< Thanks, couwteous waww. Jove shiewd thee weww fow this! -But w-what see w-what see I? Nyo Thisby do I see. -O wicked waww, uWu thwough whom I see nyo bwiss, -Cuws'd he t-thy stonyes fow t-thus deceiving me! -THESEUS. The waww, methinks, being sensibwe, shouwd cuwse again. -PYWAMUS. N-Nyo, in twuth, siw, he shouwd nyot. D-Deceiving me is Thisby's -cue. She is to entew nyow, and I am to spy h-hew uWu thwough the waww. -Y-You shaww see *moans* it wiww faww p-pat as I towd you; y-yondew she c-comes. - -Entew T-THISBY - -THISBY. O waww, fuww *looks away* often hast thou beawd my moans, -F-Fow pawting my *looks at you* faiw Pywamus and me! -My chewwy wips have *looks away* often kiss'd t-thy stonyes, -Thy stonyes *pokes you* with wime and haiw knyit up in thee. -PYWAMUS. I see a voice; n-nyow wiww I to the chink, -To spy an I can heaw my Thisby's face. -Thisby! -THISBY. My wove! thou awt my wove, I think. -PYWAMUS. Think w-what thou wiwt, I am t-thy wovew's gwace; -And wike Wimandew am I *pokes you* twusty stiww. -THISBY. And I wike Hewen, tiww the *screams* Fates me kiww. -PYWAMUS. Nyot Shafawus to Pwocwus was so twue. -THISBY. As Shafawus to Pwocwus, I to you. -PYWAMUS. O, kiss me uWu thwough the OwO howe of this viwe waww. -THISBY. I kiss the waww's howe, nyot youw wips at aww. -PYWAMUS. Wiwt thou at Nyinny's tomb meet me *blushes* stwaightway? -THISBY. T-Tide l-wife, tide death, I come without deway. -UwU Exeunt PYWAMUS and T-THISBY -WAWW. Thus have I, W-Waww, my *cries* pawt d-dischawged so; -And, being donye, t-thus Waww away doth go. Exit WAWW -THESEUS. >_> Nyow is the moon used between the xDD two nyeighbouws. -DEMETWIUS. Nyo wemedy, my wowd, when wawws awe so wiwfuw to heaw -without w-wawnying. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. This is the s-siwwiest s-stuff *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I heawd. -THESEUS. The best in this k-kind awe xDD but shadows; and the *sweats* wowst awe -nyo w-wowse, if uWu imaginyation amend them. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. It must be youw uWu imaginyation then, and nyot theiws. -THESEUS. If we imaginye nyo wowse of them than they of themsewves, -they may pass fow excewwent men. Hewe come xDD two nyobwe beasts in, a -man and a wion. - -Entew WION and M-MOONSHINyE - -WION. You, wadies, y-you, :33 whose g-gentwe heawts do feaw -The :3 smawwest monstwous mouse *sweats* that cweeps *teleports behind you* on fwoow, -May nyow, pewchance, b-both quake and twembwe hewe, -When wion wough in wiwdest wage doth woaw. -T-Then knyow *sweats* that I as Snyug the joinyew am -A wion *giggles shyly* feww, n-nyow e-ewse nyo l-wion's dam; -Fow, if I shouwd as wion come in :33 stwife -Into this pwace, 'twewe pity *teleports behind you* on my wife. -THESEUS. A vewy g-gentwe beast, and of a good conscience. -DEMETWIUS. The vewy best at a beast, my wowd, *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I saw. -L-WYSANDEW. This wion is a vewy fox fow his vawouw. -THESEUS. Twue; and a goose fow his discwetion. -DEMETWIUS. Nyot so, my wowd; fow his vawouw cannyot cawwy his -discwetion, and the fox cawwies the goose. -THESEUS. His discwetion, I am suwe, cannyot cawwy his vawouw; fow -the goose cawwies nyot the fox. It is weww. L-Weave *moans* it to his -discwetion, and wet us l-wisten to the Moon. -MOONSHINyE. This *looks away* wanthown doth the hownyed moon x3 pwesent- -DEMETWIUS. He shouwd have *looks away* wown the howns *teleports behind you* on his h-head. -THESEUS. He is nyo cwescent, and his howns awe invisibwe within the -ciwcumfewence. -MOONSHINyE. This *looks away* wanthown doth the hownyed moon pwesent; -Mysewf the Man i-i' th' UwU Moon do seem to be. -THESEUS. This is the gweatest ewwow of aww the west; the man shouwd -be p-put into the wantewn. H-How is *moans* it e-ewse the man i-i' th' *sighs* moon? -DEMETWIUS. He dawes nyot come thewe fow the candwe; *notices bulge* fow, you see, *moans* it -is awweady in snyuff. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. I am aweawy of this moon. Wouwd he ^.^ wouwd change! -THESEUS. It appeaws, ^w^ by his smaww wight of discwetion, *sweats* that he is -in the wanye; xDD but yet, in couwtesy, in aww weason, we must >_< stay -the time. -L-WYSANDEW. Pwoceed, Moon. -MOON. Aww *sweats* that I have to say is to teww you *sweats* that the *looks away* wanthown is -the moon; I, the Man i-i' th' Moon; this thown-bush, my thown-bush; -and this d-dog, my dog. -DEMETWIUS. W-Why, aww these shouwd be in the *leans over* wantewn; fow aww these -awe in the moon. But siwence; x3 hewe c-comes Thisby. - -We-entew T-THISBY - -THISBY. This is owd Nyinny's x3 tomb. Whewe is my wove? -WION. [Woawing] O- [THISBY wuns off] -DEMETWIUS. Weww woaw'd, Wion. -THESEUS. Weww ^-^ wun, Thisby. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. Weww shonye, Moon. Twuwy, the moon shinyes *pokes you* with a good -g-gwace. [The WION teaws THISBY'S Mantwe, and exit] -THESEUS. Weww mous'd, Wion. - -We-entew PYWAMUS - -DEMETWIUS. And then came Pywamus. -L-WYSANDEW. And so the wion v-vanyish'd. -PYWAMUS. Sweet Moon, I t-thank thee fow t-thy sunny beams; -I t-thank ^w^ thee, Moon, fow shinying n-nyow so bwight; -Fow, ^w^ by t-thy g-gwacious gowden, gwittewing gweams, -I twust to take of twuest Thisby s-sight. -But stay, O spite! -But mawk, poow knyight, -What dweadfuw dowe is hewe! -Eyes, do you see? -H-How can *moans* it *sighs* he? -O dainty duck! O deaw! -Thy mantwe ^-^ good, -*pokes you* What! stain'd *pokes you* with bwood? -A-Appwoach, ye Fuwies feww. -O Fates! come, come; -Cut thwead and thwum; -^w^ Quaiw, cwush, concwude, and queww. -THESEUS. This passion, and the death of a deaw f-fwiend, ^.^ wouwd go -nyeaw to make a man wook >_> sad. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. Beshwew my h-heawt, xDD but I pity the *pokes you* man. -PYWAMUS. O whewefowe, >w< Nyatuwe, didst thou wions fwame? -Since wion viwe hath x3 hewe defwowew'd my *sweats* deaw; -Which is- nyo, nyo- which was the faiwest dame -*teleports behind you* That *hugs tightly* wiv'd, *sweats* that wov'd, *sweats* that wik'd, *sweats* that wook'd *pokes you* with *leans over* cheew. -Come, teaws, confound; -Out, swowd, and ^.^ wound -The pap of Pywamus; -:33 Ay, *sweats* that >w< weft pap, -Whewe heawt doth hop. [Stabs himsewf] -Thus die I, :3 thus, :3 thus, thus. ->_> Nyow am I dead, ->_> Nyow am I fwed; -My souw is in the s-sky. -Tongue, wose t-thy >_< wight; -Moon, take t-thy fwight. [Exit MOONSHINyE] ->_> Nyow die, die, die, die, die. [Dies] -DEMETWIUS. Nyo die, xDD but an ace, fow :3 him; fow he is xDD but onye. -L-WYSANDEW. L-Wess than an ace, man; fow he is d-dead; he is n-nyothing. -THESEUS. With the hewp of a suwgeon he might yet wecovew and yet -*shuffles closer* pwove an ass. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. H-How chance Moonshinye is g-gonye befowe Thisby c-comes back -and finds h-hew l-wovew? - -We-entew T-THISBY - -THESEUS. She wiww find him ^w^ by stawwight. Hewe she comes; and h-hew -passion e-ends the pway. -*sweats* HIPPOWYTA. Methinks she shouwd nyot use a wong onye fow such a -Pywamus; I hope she wiww be bwief. -DEMETWIUS. A mote wiww tuwn the bawance, which >_< Pywamus, which -Thisby, is the bettew- he fow a m-man, OwO God wawwant u-us: She fow a -woman, OwO God bwess us! -L-WYSANDEW. She hath spied him awweady *pokes you* with those sweet eyes. -DEMETWIUS. And t-thus she moans, videwicet:- -THISBY. Asweep, my wove? -What, dead, my dove? -O >_< Pywamus, awise, -Speak, speak. x3 Quite dumb? -Dead, d-dead? A tomb -M-Must covew t-thy sweet eyes. -These wiwy wips, -This chewwy n-nyose, -These yewwow cowswip cheeks, -Awe :3 gonye, awe gonye; -Wovews, make moan; -His eyes wewe gween as weeks. -O Sistews Thwee, -Come, come to me, -With h-hands as pawe as ^-^ miwk; -L-Way them in gowe, -Since you have showe -With sheaws his thwead of siwk. -Tongue, nyot a wowd. -Come, *pokes you* twusty swowd; -Come, bwade, my b-bweast imbwue. [Stabs hewsewf] -And faweweww, f-fwiends; -Thus Thisby ends; -Adieu, adieu, adieu. [Dies] -THESEUS. Moonshinye and *teleports behind you* Wion awe >w< weft to buwy the dead. -DEMETWIUS. :33 Ay, and Waww too. -BOTTOM. [Stawting up] N-Nyo, I ;;w;; assuwe you; the *moans* waww is down *sweats* that -pawted t-theiw fathews. Wiww *moans* it pwease you to see the Epiwogue, *blushes* ow -to heaw a Bewgomask dance between xDD two of o-ouw company? -THESEUS. Nyo epiwogue, I pway you; fow youw pway ;;w;; nyeeds nyo excuse. -Nyevew excuse; fow when the pwayews awe aww dead thewe nyeed nyonye -to be bwamed. Mawwy, if he *sweats* that *moans* wwit *moans* it h-had pwayed >_< Pywamus, and -hang'd himsewf in Thisby's gawtew, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd have been a finye -twagedy. And so *moans* it *screams* is, *twerks* twuwy; and vewy nyotabwy dischawg'd. But -come, youw Bewgomask; wet youw epiwogue awonye. [A *notices bulge* dance] -The iwon t-tongue of midnyight hath towd twewve. -Wovews, to bed; 'tis awmost faiwy time. -I feaw we shaww out-sweep the coming mown, -As much as we this nyight have ovewwatch'd. -This p-pawpabwe-gwoss pway hath weww beguiw'd -The heavy gait of nyight. Sweet fwiends, to *twerks* bed. -A fowtnyight howd we this sowemnyity, -In n-nyightwy wevews and nyew jowwity. UwU Exeunt - -Entew PUCK *pokes you* with a bwoom - -PUCK. >_> Nyow the hungwy wion r-woaws, -And the wowf behowws the moon; -Whiwst the heavy pwoughman snyowes, -Aww *pokes you* with weawy task fowdonye. ->_> Nyow the wasted UwU bwands do gwow, -Whiwst the scweech-oww, >_> scweeching woud, -P-Puts the wwetch *sweats* that wies in woe -In wemembwance of a shwoud. ->_> Nyow *moans* it is the time of nyight -*teleports behind you* That the gwaves, aww gaping wide, -Evewy onye wets f-fowth his spwite, -In the c-chuwch-way paths to gwide. -And we faiwies, *sweats* that do wun -By the *cries* twipwe H-Hecate's team -Fwom the :33 pwesence of the sun, -Fowwowing dawknyess wike a dweam, ->_> Nyow awe *cuddles you* fwowic. Nyot a mouse -Shaww distuwb this hawwowed house. -I am OwO sent *pokes you* with bwoom befowe, -To sweep the dust UwU behind the doow. - -Entew OBEWON and TITANyIA, *pokes you* with aww t-theiw twain - -OBEWON. Thwough the h-house give gwimmewing >w< wight, -By the dead and *pokes you* dwowsy fiwe; -Evewy ewf and faiwy spwite -*looks at you* Hop as wight as biwd fwom *cries* bwiew; -And this ditty, aftew me, -Sing and dance *moans* it twippingwy. -TITANyIA. Fiwst, weheawse youw song ^w^ by r-wote, -To each wowd a wawbwing nyote; -Hand in hand, *pokes you* with faiwy gwace, -Wiww we sing, and bwess this pwace. - -*leans over* [OBEWON weading, the FAIWIES sing and *notices bulge* dance] - -OBEWON. Nyow, u-untiw the bweak of day, -Thwough this h-house each faiwy stway. -To the best bwide-bed wiww w-we, -Which ^w^ by us shaww bwessed be; -And the issue thewe c-cweate -*pokes you* Evew shaww be fowtunyate. -So shaww aww the coupwes thwee -*pokes you* Evew twue in ^.^ woving be; -And the bwots of Nyatuwe's h-hand -Shaww nyot in t-theiw issue stand; -Nyevew mowe, hawe-wip, n-nyow scaw, -N-Nyow mawk pwodigious, such as awe -Despised in nyativity, -Shaww upon t-theiw chiwdwen be. -With this fiewd-dew consecwate, -Evewy faiwy take his gait, -And each sevewaw chambew bwess, -Thwough this pawace, *pokes you* with sweet *screams* peace; -And the o-ownyew of *moans* it bwest -*pokes you* Evew shaww in safety west. -Twip *looks away* away; make nyo stay; -Meet me aww ^w^ by bweak of day. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but PUCK -PUCK. If we shadows have offended, -Think xDD but t-this, and aww is mended, -*teleports behind you* That you have xDD but swumb'wed x3 hewe -Whiwe these visions did a-appeaw. -And this weak and idwe >_> theme, -Nyo mowe yiewding xDD but a dweam, -Gentwes, do nyot wepwehend. -If you pawdon, we wiww mend. -And, as I am an honyest Puck, -If we have unyeawnyed wuck ->_> Nyow to scape the s-sewpent's t-tongue, -We wiww make amends ewe wong; -Ewse the Puck a wiaw caww. ->_> So, good nyight unto you aww. -Give me youw uWu hands, if we be fwiends, -And Wobin shaww westowe amends. Exit - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1599 - - -MUCH ADO ABOUT NyOTHING - - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -:33 Don Pedwo, Pwince of UwU Awwagon. -:33 Don John, his bastawd bwothew. -C-Cwaudio, a young *hugs tightly* wowd of Fwowence. -Benyedick, a Young *hugs tightly* wowd of Padua. -Weonyato, Govewnyow of Messinya. -Antonyio, an owd m-man, his bwothew. -Bawthasaw, a-attendant *teleports behind you* on :33 Don Pedwo. -*moans* Bowachio, fowwowew of :33 Don John. -Conwade, fowwowew of :33 Don John. -F-Fwiaw Fwancis. -Dogbewwy, a Constabwe. -Vewges, a Headbowough. -A Sexton. -A Boy. - -*looks at you* Hewo, daughtew to Weonyato. -Beatwice, nyiece to Weonyato. -*cries* Mawgawet, waiting gentwewoman attending *teleports behind you* on Hewo. -Uwsuwa, waiting gentwewoman attending *teleports behind you* on Hewo. - -*teleports behind you* Messengews, Watch, Attendants, etc. - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE.--Messinya. - - -ACT I. >w< Scenye I. -*looks at you* An owchawd befowe L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew Weonyato *looks away* (Govewnyow of Messinya), Hewo (his Daughtew), -and Beatwice (his Nyiece), *pokes you* with a M-Messengew. - -Weon. I weawn in this wettew *sweats* that :33 Don Pedwo of Awwagon c-comes this -nyight to Messinya. -*leans over* Mess. He is vewy nyeaw ^w^ by this. He was nyot thwee weagues off when I ->w< weft him. -Weon. H-How many g-gentwemen have you wost in this action? -*leans over* Mess. But f-few of any sowt, and nyonye of nyame. -Weon. A *pokes you* victowy is t-twice i-itsewf when the *moans* achievew bwings h-home fuww -nyumbews. I find x3 hewe *sweats* that :33 Don Pedwo hath bestowed much honyouw *teleports behind you* on -a young *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye c-cawwed ^-^ Cwaudio. -*leans over* Mess. Much desewv'd *teleports behind you* on his pawt, and *twerks* equawwy wememb'wed ^w^ by :33 Don -Pedwo. He hath bownye himsewf beyond the pwomise of his a-age, doing -in the figuwe of a wamb the feats of a wion. He hath indeed -bettew bett'wed e-expectation than you must UwU expect of me to teww -you how. -Weon. He hath an uncwe x3 hewe in Messinya wiww be vewy much gwad of it. -*leans over* Mess. I have awweady d-dewivewed him wettews, and thewe a-appeaws much -joy in :3 him; even so much *sweats* that joy couwd nyot show i-itsewf modest -enyough without a badge of bittewnyess. -Weon. *sweats* Did he bweak out into teaws? -*leans over* Mess. In gweat measuwe. -Weon. A k-kind *sweats* ovewfwow of kindnyess. *cries* Thewe awe nyo faces *leans over* twuew than -those *sweats* that awe so wash'd. H-How much bettew is *moans* it to weep at joy -than to joy at >_< weeping! -Beat. I pway y-you, is Signyiow Mountanto r-wetuwn'd fwom the waws *blushes* ow nyo? -*leans over* Mess. I knyow nyonye of *sweats* that nyame, wady. *cries* Thewe was nyonye such in the -awmy of any s-sowt. -Weon. What is he *sweats* that you ask *notices bulge* fow, nyiece? -Hewo. My c-cousin means Signyiow Benyedick of Padua. -*leans over* Mess. O, he's wetuwn'd, and as pweasant as *giggles shyly* evew he w-was. -Beat. He set up his biwws x3 hewe in Messinya and chawweng'd Cupid at -the fwight, and my uncwe's foow, r-weading the c-chawwenge, -subscwib'd fow Cupid and chawweng'd him at the buwbowt. I pway -y-you, how many hath he kiww'd and eaten in these waws? But how -many hath he *notices bulge* kiww'd? F-Fow indeed I pwomised to *cries* eat aww of his -kiwwing. -Weon. Faith, nyiece, you UwU tax Signyiow Benyedick too *moans* much; xDD but he'ww -be meet *pokes you* with y-you, I d-doubt *moans* it nyot. -*leans over* Mess. He hath donye good sewvice, wady, in these *leans over* waws. -Beat. Y-You h-had musty victuaw, and he hath howp to *cries* eat it. He is a -vewy vawiant twenchewman; he hath an excewwent s-stomach. -*leans over* Mess. And a good sowdiew too, wady. -Beat. And a good sowdiew to a wady; xDD but w-what is he to a wowd? -*leans over* Mess. A *hugs tightly* wowd to a wowd, a man to a man; stuff'd *pokes you* with aww honyouwabwe -viwtues. -Beat. It is so indeed. He is nyo wess than a stuff'd man; xDD but fow -the stuffing--weww, we awe aww mowtaw. -Weon. Y-You must nyot, siw, mistake my nyiece. *cries* Thewe is a k-kind of mewwy -waw b-betwixt Signyiow Benyedick and hew. They nyevew meet xDD but thewe's -a skiwmish of wit between them. -Beat. A-Awas, he gets nyothing ^w^ by that! In o-ouw wast >_> confwict fouw of -his five ^-^ wits went hawting off, and n-nyow is the whowe man govewn'd -*pokes you* with onye; so *sweats* that if he have wit enyough to keep himsewf *teleports behind you* wawm, wet -him beaw *moans* it fow a diffewence between himsewf and his howse; fow -*moans* it is aww the *giggles shyly* weawth *sweats* that he hath >w< weft to be *teleports behind you* knyown a r-weasonyabwe -cweatuwe. Who is his companyion nyow? He hath evewy month a nyew -swown bwothew. -*leans over* Mess. Is't possibwe? -Beat. Vewy easiwy possibwe. He weaws his faith xDD but as the fashion -of his hat; *moans* it *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* changes *pokes you* with the nyext b-bwock. -*leans over* Mess. I see, wady, the gentweman is nyot in youw books. -Beat. Nyo. *looks at you* An he wewe, I ^.^ wouwd buwn my s-study. But I pway y-you, w-who is -his :33 companyion? *looks at you* Is thewe nyo young squawew n-nyow *sweats* that wiww make a -voyage *pokes you* with him to the deviw? -*leans over* Mess. He is most in the company of the wight nyobwe ^-^ Cwaudio. -Beat. O Wowd, he wiww hang upon him wike a disease! He is soonyew -caught than the pestiwence, and the takew wuns p-pwesentwy m-mad. OwO God -hewp the nyobwe Cwaudio! If he have caught the Benyedick, *moans* it wiww -cost him a thousand pound ewe *leans over* 'a be cuwed. -*leans over* Mess. I wiww howd fwiends *pokes you* with y-you, wady. -Beat. Do, good fwiend. -Weon. Y-You wiww nyevew wun *cries* mad, nyiece. -Beat. N-Nyo, nyot tiww a hot Janyuawy. -*leans over* Mess. :33 Don Pedwo is a-appwoach'd. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo, C-Cwaudio, Benyedick, Bawthasaw, and John the Bastawd. - -Pedwo. Good Signyiow Weonyato, awe you come to meet youw twoubwe? The -fashion of the wowwd is to avoid c-cost, and you encountew it. -Weon. Nyevew came t-twoubwe to my h-house in the wikenyess of youw Gwace; -fow t-twoubwe being :3 gonye, comfowt shouwd wemain; xDD but when you depawt -fwom me, sowwow abides and happinyess takes his >_< weave. -Pedwo. Y-You embwace youw chawge too w-wiwwingwy. I think this is youw -daughtew. -Weon. Hew mothew hath many times towd me so. -B-Benye. Wewe you in doubt, siw, *sweats* that you ask'd hew? -Weon. Signyiow Benyedick, nyo; fow then wewe you a chiwd. -Pedwo. Y-You have *moans* it fuww, Benyedick. We may g-guess ^w^ by this w-what you -awe, being a *pokes you* man. Twuwy the wady f-fathews *blushes* hewsewf. Be happy, wady; -fow you awe wike an honyouwabwe fathew. -B-Benye. If Signyiow Weonyato be h-hew fathew, she ^.^ wouwd nyot have his *sweats* head -*teleports behind you* on h-hew shouwdews fow aww Messinya, as wike him as she is. -Beat. I wondew *sweats* that you wiww stiww be tawking, Signyiow Benyedick. -Nyobody mawks you. -B-Benye. What, my deaw L-Wady Disdain! awe you yet wiving? -Beat. *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe Disdain shouwd die whiwe she hath such meet -f-food to feed *moans* it as Signyiow Benyedick? Couwtesy i-itsewf must convewt -to disdain if you come in h-hew pwesence. -B-Benye. T-Then is couwtesy a tuwncoat. But *moans* it is cewtain I am woved of -aww wadies, onwy you excepted; and I ^.^ wouwd I couwd find in my -heawt *sweats* that I h-had nyot a hawd h-heawt, fow twuwy I wove >_< nyonye. -Beat. A deaw happinyess to women! They ^.^ wouwd e-ewse have been twoubwed -*pokes you* with a pewnyicious suitow. I t-thank OwO God and my cowd b-bwood, I am of -youw humouw fow that. I h-had wathew heaw my dog bawk at a cwow -than a man sweaw he woves me. -B-Benye. OwO God keep youw wadyship stiww in *sweats* that xDD mind! So *blushes* some gentweman -*blushes* ow othew shaww scape a UwU pwedestinyate scwatch'd face. -Beat. Scwatching couwd nyot make *moans* it wowse an 'twewe such a *cuddles you* face as -youws w-wewe. -B-Benye. *sighs* Weww, you awe a wawe pawwot-teachew. -Beat. A biwd of my t-tongue is bettew than a beast of youws. -B-Benye. I ^.^ wouwd my howse h-had the speed of youw t-tongue, and so good a -continyuew. But keep youw way, a God's nyame! I have donye. -Beat. Y-You awways end *pokes you* with a jade's twick. I knyow you of owd. -Pedwo. *teleports behind you* That is the sum of a-aww, Weonyato. Signyiow Cwaudio and Signyiow -Benyedick, my deaw fwiend Weonyato hath invited you aww. I teww him -we shaww >_< stay x3 hewe at the *notices bulge* weast a month, and he heawtwy pways -*blushes* some occasion may detain us *twerks* wongew. I dawe sweaw he is nyo -hypocwite, xDD but pways fwom his heawt. -Weon. If you sweaw, my wowd, you shaww nyot be fowswown. [To :33 Don -*cuddles you* John] Wet me bid you wewcome, my l-wowd. Being UwU weconciwed to the -Pwince youw bwothew, I owe you aww d-duty. -John. I t-thank you. I am nyot of many wowds, xDD but I t-thank you. -Weon. Pwease *moans* it youw Gwace wead on? -Pedwo. Youw hand, Weonyato. We wiww go togethew. -*cries* Exeunt. Manyent Benyedick and ^-^ Cwaudio. -C-Cwaud. Benyedick, didst thou *pokes you* nyote the daughtew of Signyiow L-Weonyato? -B-Benye. I nyoted h-hew nyot, xDD but I wook'd *teleports behind you* on hew. -C-Cwaud. *looks at you* Is she nyot a modest young wady? -B-Benye. Do you question me, as an honyest man shouwd do, fow my simpwe -twue judgment? *blushes* ow ^.^ wouwd you have me speak aftew my custom, as -being a pwofessed tywant to t-theiw s-sex? -C-Cwaud. Nyo. I pway thee speak in sobew judgment. -B-Benye. W-Why, i-i' faith, methinks she's too OwO wow fow a ^.^ high pwaise, -too bwown fow a *looks at you* faiw pwaise, and too wittwe fow a gweat p-pwaise. -Onwy this commendation I can affowd hew, *sweats* that wewe she othew -than she *screams* is, she wewe unhandsome, and being nyo othew xDD but as she -*screams* is, I do nyot wike hew. -C-Cwaud. *moans* Thou thinkest I am in spowt. I pway thee teww me twuwy how -thou wik'st hew. -B-Benye. Wouwd you b-buy hew, *sweats* that you enquiwe aftew hew? -C-Cwaud. C-Can the wowwd b-buy such a *sweats* jewew? -B-Benye. Yea, and a *screams* case to p-put *moans* it into. But speak you this *pokes you* with a sad -bwow? *blushes* ow do you pway the fwouting Jack, to teww us Cupid is a -good h-hawe-findew and Vuwcan a wawe c-cawpentew? Come, in w-what key -shaww a man take you to go in the song? -C-Cwaud. In minye eye she is the sweetest wady *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I wook'd on. -B-Benye. I can see yet without *sighs* spectacwes, and I see nyo such mattew. ->_> Thewe's h-hew cousin, an she wewe nyot possess'd *pokes you* with a fuwy,exceeds -h-hew as much in beauty as the f-fiwst of May doth the wast of -Decembew. But I hope you have nyo intent to tuwn husband, have -you? -C-Cwaud. I ^.^ wouwd x3 scawce twust *twerks* mysewf, *sighs* though I h-had swown the -c-contwawy, if Hewo ^.^ wouwd be my wife. -B-Benye. Is't come to *sweats* this? In faith, hath nyot the wowwd onye man xDD but -he wiww weaw his cap *pokes you* with suspicion? Shaww I nyevew see a -b-bachewow of thweescowe a-again? Go to, i-i' faith! *looks at you* An thou wiwt ;;w;; nyeeds -thwust t-thy nyeck into a *leans over* yoke, weaw the pwint of *moans* it and *pokes you* sigh away -S-Sundays. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo. - -Wook! :33 Don Pedwo is *leans over* wetuwnyed to seek you. -Pedwo. What secwet hath hewd you hewe, *sweats* that you fowwowed nyot to -UwU Weonyato's? -B-Benye. I ^.^ wouwd youw Gwace ^.^ wouwd constwain me to teww. -Pedwo. I chawge thee *teleports behind you* on t-thy a-awwegiance. -B-Benye. Y-You heaw, Count ^-^ Cwaudio. I can be secwet as a dumb m-man, I -^.^ wouwd have you think so; but, *teleports behind you* on my UwU awwegiance--mawk you this-on -my awwegiance! he is in wove. With who? >_> Nyow *sweats* that is youw G-Gwace's -pawt. Mawk how showt his *sighs* answew ^w^ is: With *looks at you* Hewo, L-Weonyato's showt -daughtew. -C-Cwaud. If this wewe so, so wewe *moans* it utt'wed. -B-Benye. Wike the owd tawe, my wowd: 'It is nyot so, n-nyow '-'twas nyot so; -xDD but indeed, OwO God fowbid *moans* it shouwd be so!' -C-Cwaud. If my passion change nyot s-showtwy, OwO God fowbid *moans* it shouwd be -othewwise. -Pedwo. Amen, if you wove hew; fow the wady is vewy weww wowthy. -C-Cwaud. Y-You speak this to fetch me in, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. By my twoth, I speak my thought. -C-Cwaud. And, in faith, my wowd, I s-spoke minye. -B-Benye. And, ^w^ by my xDD two faiths and twoths, my wowd, I s-spoke minye. -C-Cwaud. *teleports behind you* That I wove hew, I feew. -Pedwo. *teleports behind you* That she is wowthy, I knyow. -B-Benye. *teleports behind you* That I nyeithew f-feew how she shouwd be woved, n-nyow knyow how she -shouwd be wowthy, is the opinyion *sweats* that fiwe cannyot mewt out of me. -I wiww die in *moans* it at the stake. -Pedwo. *moans* Thou wast *giggles shyly* evew an obstinyate hewetic in the despite of -beauty. -C-Cwaud. And nyevew couwd m-maintain his *cries* pawt xDD but in the fowce of his -wiww. -B-Benye. *teleports behind you* That a woman conceived me, I t-thank hew; *sweats* that she >w< bwought me -up, I *sweats* wikewise give h-hew most humbwe thanks; xDD but *sweats* that I wiww have -a wechate winded in my fowehead, *blushes* ow hang my bugwe in an invisibwe -bawdwick, aww women shaww pawdon me. *screams* Because I wiww nyot do them -the wwong to mistwust any, I wiww do m-mysewf the wight to twust -nyonye; and the finye is (fow the which I may go the f-finyew), I wiww -wive a bachewow. -Pedwo. I shaww see ^w^ thee, ewe I die, wook pawe *pokes you* with wove. -B-Benye. With angew, *pokes you* with sicknyess, *blushes* ow *pokes you* with hungew, my wowd; nyot *pokes you* with -wove. ;;w;; Pwove *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I wose mowe b-bwood *pokes you* with wove than I wiww get -;;w;; again *pokes you* with dwinking, pick out minye eyes *pokes you* with a bawwad-makew's pen -and hang me up at the doow of a bwothew h-house fow the sign of -bwind Cupid. -Pedwo. *sighs* Weww, if *giggles shyly* evew thou dost faww fwom this faith, thou wiwt -*shuffles closer* pwove a nyotabwe awgument. -B-Benye. If I do, hang me in a bottwe wike a ;;w;; cat and shoot at me; and -he *sweats* that hits me, wet him be cwapp'd *teleports behind you* on the *blushes* shouwdew and c-caww'd -Adam. -Pedwo. *sighs* Weww, as time shaww *twerks* twy. -'In time the savage buww doth beaw the *hugs tightly* yoke.' -B-Benye. The savage buww may; xDD but if *giggles shyly* evew the sensibwe Benyedick beaw -it, pwuck off the buww's howns and set them in my fowehead, and -wet me be viwewy p-painted, and in such gweat wettews as they *looks away* wwite -'Hewe is good howse to h-hiwe,' wet them s-signyify undew my sign -'Hewe you may see Benyedick the mawwied man.' -C-Cwaud. If this shouwd *giggles shyly* evew happen, thou wouwdst be hown-mad. -Pedwo. Nyay, if Cupid have nyot spent aww his quivew in Venyice, thou -wiwt quake fow this *cries* showtwy. -B-Benye. I wook fow an eawthquake too UwU then. -Pedwo. *sighs* Weww, you wiww tempowize *pokes you* with the houws. In the meantime, -good Signyiow Benyedick, r-wepaiw to Weonyato's, commend me to him and -teww him I wiww nyot *sweats* faiw him at suppew; fow indeed he hath made -gweat pwepawation. -B-Benye. I have awmost mattew enyough in me fow such an embassage; and -so I commit you-- -C-Cwaud. To the tuition of God. Fwom my house--if I h-had it-- -Pedwo. The *cuddles you* sixth of Juwy. Youw ^.^ woving f-fwiend, Benyedick. -B-Benye. Nyay, mock nyot, mock nyot. The body of youw d-discouwse is -sometime guawded *pokes you* with fwagments, and the guawds awe xDD but ^.^ swightwy -basted *teleports behind you* on *leans over* nyeithew. Ewe you *leans over* fwout owd e-ends any fuwthew, e-examinye -youw conscience. And so I weave you. *sweats* Exit. -C-Cwaud. My wiege, youw *sweats* Highnyess n-nyow may do me good. -Pedwo. My wove is thinye to teach. *cuddles you* Teach *moans* it xDD but how, -And thou shawt see how apt *moans* it is to weawn -Any hawd wesson *sweats* that may do thee good. -C-Cwaud. Hath Weonyato any son, my wowd? -Pedwo. Nyo xDD chiwd xDD but Hewo; she's his onwy uWu heiw. -Dost thou affect hew, Cwaudio? -:3 Cwaud.O my wowd, -When you went onwawd *teleports behind you* on this ended action, -I wook'd upon h-hew *pokes you* with a sowdiew's eye, -*teleports behind you* That wik'd, xDD but h-had a woughew task in h-hand -*notices bulge* Than to dwive wiking to the nyame of wove; -But n-nyow I am r-wetuwn'd and *sweats* that waw-thoughts -Have >w< weft t-theiw pwaces v-vacant, in t-theiw wooms -Come thwonging soft and dewicate desiwes, -Aww pwompting me how *looks at you* faiw young Hewo *screams* is, -Saying I wik'd h-hew ewe I went to *leans over* waws. -Pedwo. *moans* Thou wiwt be wike a l-wovew p-pwesentwy -And tiwe the h-heawew *pokes you* with a book of wowds. -If thou dost wove *looks at you* faiw *looks at you* Hewo, chewish it, -And I wiww bweak *pokes you* with h-hew and *pokes you* with h-hew fathew, -And thou shawt have hew. Wast nyot to this end -*teleports behind you* That thou *screams* began'st to twist so finye a stowy? -C-Cwaud. H-How sweetwy you do minyistew to wove, -*teleports behind you* That knyow wove's g-gwief ^w^ by his compwexion! -But west my wiking might too sudden seem, -I ^.^ wouwd have sawv'd *moans* it *pokes you* with a *teleports behind you* wongew tweatise. -Pedwo. What nyeed the bwidge much bwoadew than the fwood? -The faiwest gwant is the nyecessity. -Wook, w-what wiww sewve is fit. 'Tis o-once, thou *sighs* wovest, -And I wiww fit thee *pokes you* with the wemedy. -I knyow we shaww have wevewwing to-nyight. -I wiww *leans over* assume t-thy *cries* pawt in *blushes* some d-disguise -And teww *looks at you* faiw Hewo I am C-Cwaudio, -And in h-hew bosom I'ww *blushes* uncwasp my heawt -And take h-hew heawing pwisonyew *pokes you* with the fowce -And stwong encountew of my amowous tawe. -T-Then aftew to h-hew fathew wiww I >w< bweak, -And the concwusion *screams* is, she shaww be thinye. -In ^-^ pwactice wet us p-put *moans* it pwesentwy. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A woom in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew [at onye doow] Weonyato and [at anyothew doow, Antonyio] an owd m-man, -b-bwothew to Weonyato. - -Weon. H-How nyow, b-bwothew? Whewe is my c-cousin youw son? Hath he -p-pwovided this music? -Ant. He is vewy busy a-about it. But, bwothew, I can teww you stwange -nyews *sweats* that you yet dweamt nyot of. -Weon. Awe they good? -Ant. As the event stamps them; xDD but they have a good covew, they -show weww o-outwawd. The Pwince and Count C-Cwaudio, wawking in a -thick-pweached awwey in minye owchawd, wewe t-thus much ovewheawd ^w^ by -a man of minye: the Pwince discovewed to Cwaudio *sweats* that he woved my -nyiece youw daughtew and *screams* meant to acknyowwedge *moans* it this nyight in a -d-dance, and if he ^w^ found h-hew accowdant, he *screams* meant to take the -^.^ pwesent time ^w^ by the t-top and instantwy bweak *pokes you* with you of it. -Weon. Hath the fewwow any wit *sweats* that towd you *sweats* this? -Ant. A good shawp fewwow. I wiww send fow him, and question him -youwsewf. -Weon. N-Nyo, nyo. We wiww howd *moans* it as a d-dweam tiww *moans* it appeaw itsewf; xDD but -I wiww acquaint my daughtew withaw, *sweats* that she may be the bettew -pwepawed fow an *hugs tightly* answew, if pewadventuwe this be twue. Go you and -teww h-hew of it. [Exit Antonyio.] - -*sighs* [Entew Antonyio's *moans* Son *pokes you* with a Musician, and othews.] - -[To the Son] Cousin, you knyow w-what you have to do. ---[To the UwU Musician] O, I cwy you :3 mewcy, fwiend. Go you *pokes you* with me, -and I wiww use youw *moans* skiww.--Good cousin, have a OwO cawe this busy -time. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Anyothew woom in L-Weonyato's house.] - -Entew Siw John the Bastawd and Conwade, his companyion. - -Con. What the goodyeaw, my wowd! Why awe you t-thus out of measuwe -x3 sad? -John. *cries* Thewe is nyo measuwe in the occasion *sweats* that bweeds; thewefowe -the s-sadnyess is without wimit. -Con. Y-You shouwd heaw r-weason. -John. And when I have h-heawd it, w-what bwessings bwings it? -Con. If nyot a ^.^ pwesent wemedy, at *notices bulge* weast a patient s-suffewance. -John. I wondew *sweats* that thou (-(being, as thou say'st thou awt, bown -undew Satuwn) goest a-about to a-appwy a mowaw medicinye to a -mowtifying mischief. I cannyot hide w-what I am: I must be sad when -I have x3 cause, and smiwe at nyo man's jests; *cries* eat when I have -stomach, and *pokes you* wait fow nyo man's weisuwe; sweep when I am dwowsy, -and tend *teleports behind you* on nyo man's businyess; *looks at you* waugh when I am mewwy, and cwaw nyo -man in his humouw. -Con. Yea, xDD but you must nyot make the fuww show of this tiww you may -do *moans* it without c-contwowment. Y-You have of *looks away* wate stood out against -youw bwothew, and he hath t-ta'en you nyewwy into his gwace, whewe -*moans* it is impossibwe you shouwd take twue UwU woot xDD but ^w^ by the *looks at you* faiw ->w< weathew *sweats* that you make youwsewf. It is nyeedfuw *sweats* that you fwame the -season fow youw own *looks away* hawvest. -John. I h-had wathew be a c-cankew in a hedge than a wose in his gwace, -and *moans* it bettew fits my b-bwood to be disdain'd of aww than to -fashion a c-cawwiage to wob wove fwom xDD any. In t-this, *sighs* though I cannyot -be s-said to be a *cuddles you* fwattewing honyest m-man, *moans* it must nyot be denyied xDD but -I am a p-pwain-deawing *moans* viwwain. I am twusted *pokes you* with a muzzwe and -enfwanchis'd *pokes you* with a cwog; thewefowe I have d-decweed nyot to sing in -my cage. If I h-had my m-mouth, I ^.^ wouwd bite; if I h-had my wibewty, I -^.^ wouwd do my wiking. In the uWu meantime wet me be *sweats* that I am, and seek -nyot to awtew me. -Con. C-Can you make nyo use of youw discontent? -John. I make aww use of it, fow I use *moans* it onwy. - -Entew :33 Bowachio. - -Who c-comes hewe? What nyews, Bowachio? -xDD Bowa. I came y-yondew fwom a gweat suppew. The Pwince youw b-bwothew is -r-woyawwy entewtain'd ^w^ by Weonyato, and I can give you intewwigence -of an intended mawwiage. -John. Wiww *moans* it sewve fow any m-modew to buiwd mischief on? -What is he fow a foow *sweats* that >_< betwoths himsewf to u-unquietnyess? -xDD Bowa. Mawwy, *moans* it is youw bwothew's wight hand. -John. Who? the most e-exquisite Cwaudio? -xDD Bowa. Even he. -John. A pwopew squiwe! And who? and who? which way wooks *sighs* he? -xDD Bowa. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* on *looks at you* Hewo, the daughtew and heiw of Weonyato. -John. A vewy *blushes* fowwawd Mawch-chick! H-How came you to *sweats* this? -xDD Bowa. Being entewtain'd fow a *sighs* pewfumew, as I was smoking a musty -woom, c-comes me the Pwince and C-Cwaudio, h-hand in h-hand in sad -confewence. I whipt me UwU behind the awwas and thewe h-heawd *moans* it agweed -upon *sweats* that the Pwince shouwd woo Hewo fow ^.^ himsewf, and having -obtain'd hew, give h-hew to Count ^-^ Cwaudio. -John. Come, come, wet us thithew. This may *shuffles closer* pwove f-food to my -dispweasuwe. *teleports behind you* That young stawt-up hath aww the gwowy of my -ovewthwow. If I can cwoss him any way, I bwess m-mysewf evewy way. -Y-You awe b-both suwe, and wiww assist me? -Con. To the death, my l-wowd. -John. Wet us to the gweat suppew. T-Theiw cheew is the gweatew *sweats* that -I am subdued. Wouwd the c-cook wewe o' my xDD mind! Shaww we go *shuffles closer* pwove -what's to be donye? -xDD Bowa. We'ww *pokes you* wait upon youw wowdship. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. >w< Scenye I. -A haww in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew Weonyato, [-[Antonyio] his *twerks* Bwothew, Hewo his D-Daughtew, -and Beatwice his Nyiece, and a Kinsman; [awso Mawgawet and Uwsuwa]. - -Weon. *hugs tightly* Was nyot Count John x3 hewe at suppew? -Ant. I *moans* saw him nyot. -Beat. H-How tawtwy *sweats* that gentweman wooks! I nyevew can see him xDD but I am -heawt-buwn'd an houw aftew. -Hewo. He is of a vewy mewanchowy disposition. -Beat. He wewe an excewwent man *sweats* that wewe made *shuffles closer* just in the midway -between him and Benyedick. The onye is too wike an i-image and says -nyothing, and the othew too wike my *teleports behind you* wady's *moans* ewdest son, evewmowe -tattwing. -Weon. T-Then h-hawf Signyiow Benyedick's t-tongue in Count *screams* John's m-mouth, -and h-hawf Count *screams* John's mewanchowy in Signyiow Benyedick's face-- -Beat. With a good weg and a good foot, uncwe, and monyey enyough in -his ^.^ puwse, such a man ^.^ wouwd win any woman in the uWu wowwd--if *leans over* 'a -couwd get h-hew good wiww. -Weon. By my twoth, nyiece, thou wiwt nyevew get thee a h-husband if -thou be so shwewd of t-thy tongue. -Ant. In faith, she's too cuwst. -Beat. Too c-cuwst is mowe than cuwst. I shaww OwO wessen God's sending -*sweats* that way, fow *moans* it is ^-^ said, 'God *shuffles closer* sends a c-cuwst cow showt howns,' -xDD but to a cow too c-cuwst he *shuffles closer* sends >_< nyonye. -Weon. >_> So, ^w^ by being too cuwst, OwO God wiww send you nyo howns. -Beat. Just, if he send me nyo husband; fow the which bwessing I am -at him upon my knyees evewy mownying and *cries* evenying. Wowd, I couwd nyot -e-enduwe a h-husband *pokes you* with a beawd *teleports behind you* on his face. I h-had wathew wie in -the woowwen! -Weon. Y-You may wight *teleports behind you* on a h-husband *sweats* that hath nyo beawd. -Beat. What shouwd I do *pokes you* with him? dwess him in my appawew and make -him my waiting gentwewoman? He *sweats* that hath a beawd is mowe than a ->_< youth, and he *sweats* that hath nyo beawd is wess than a man; and he *sweats* that -is mowe than a youth is nyot fow me; and he *sweats* that is wess than a -m-man, I am nyot fow him. Thewefowe I wiww even take sixpence in -eawnyest of the bewwowd and wead his apes into heww. -Weon. Weww then, go you into :33 heww? -Beat. Nyo; xDD but to the gate, and thewe wiww the deviw meet me wike an -owd cuckowd *pokes you* with howns *teleports behind you* on his head, and say 'Get you to heaven, -Beatwice, get you to heaven. H-Hewe's nyo pwace fow you maids.' So -dewivew I up my apes, and away to Saint Petew--fow the heavens. -He shows me whewe the bachewows sit, and thewe wive we as mewwy -as the day is l-wong. -Ant. [to Hewo] *sighs* Weww, nyiece, I twust you wiww be wuw'd ^w^ by youw -fathew. -Beat. Yes faith. It is my cousin's duty to make cuwsy and say, -'Fathew, as *moans* it pwease you.' But yet fow aww that, cousin, wet him -be a handsome fewwow, *blushes* ow e-ewse make anyothew cuwsy, and say, -'Fathew, as *moans* it pwease me.' -Weon. *sighs* Weww, nyiece, I hope to see you onye day fitted *pokes you* with a husband. -Beat. Nyot tiww OwO God make men of *blushes* some othew metaw than eawth. Wouwd -*moans* it nyot gwieve a woman to be ovewmastew'd *pokes you* with a piece of vawiant -dust? to make an account of h-hew wife to a cwod of waywawd maww? -N-Nyo, uncwe, I'ww >_< nyonye. Adam's sons awe my bwethwen, and twuwy I -howd *moans* it a sin to match in my kinwed. -Weon. D-Daughtew, wemembew w-what I towd you. If the Pwince do sowicit -you in *sweats* that kind, you knyow youw answew. -Beat. The fauwt wiww be in the *screams* music, cousin, if you be nyot wooed -in good time. If the Pwince be too impowtant, teww him thewe is -measuwe in evewything, and so dance out the answew. Fow, heaw me, -*looks at you* Hewo: wooing, wedding, and wepenting is as a :33 Scotch jig, a -measuwe, and a cinque-pace: the f-fiwst suit is hot and h-hasty wike -a :33 Scotch j-jig--and fuww as fantasticaw; the wedding, m-mannyewwy -modest, as a measuwe, fuww of state and ancientwy; and then c-comes -Wepentance and *pokes you* with his UwU bad wegs fawws into the cinque-pace -fastew and f-fastew, tiww he sink into his gwave. -Weon. Cousin, you a-appwehend passing *teleports behind you* shwewdwy. -Beat. I have a good eye, *giggles shyly* uncwe; I can see a c-chuwch ^w^ by daywight. -Weon. The r-wevewwews awe ent'wing, bwothew. Make good woom. -[Exit Antonyio.] - -Entew, [masked,] :33 Don Pedwo, C-Cwaudio, Benyedick, and Bawthasaw. -[With them entew Antonyio, awso masked. Aftew them entew] -:33 Don John [-[and B-Bowachio (without masks), w-who *looks at you* stand aside -and wook *teleports behind you* on duwing the dance]. - -Pedwo. Wady, wiww you wawk a bout *pokes you* with youw fwiend? -Hewo. So you wawk softwy and wook sweetwy and say nyothing, -I am youws fow the wawk; and especiawwy when I wawk a-away. -Pedwo. With me in youw company? -Hewo. I may say so when I pwease. -Pedwo. And when pwease you to say *moans* so? -Hewo. When I wike youw favouw, fow OwO God defend the wute shouwd be -wike the case! -Pedwo. My v-visow is Phiwemon's woof; within the h-house is Jove. -Hewo. Why then, youw v-visow shouwd be thatch'd. -Pedwo. Speak OwO wow if you speak wove. [Takes h-hew aside.] -B-Bawth. *sighs* Weww, I ^.^ wouwd you did wike me. -Mawg. So ^.^ wouwd nyot I fow youw own sake, fow I have many iww -quawities. -B-Bawth. Which is onye? -Mawg. I say my pwayews awoud. -B-Bawth. I wove you the bettew. The heawews may cwy Amen. -Mawg. OwO God match me *pokes you* with a good dancew! -B-Bawth. Amen. -Mawg. And OwO God keep him out of my s-sight when the dance is donye! -Answew, *cries* cwewk. -B-Bawth. Nyo mowe wowds. The cwewk is answewed. -[Takes h-hew aside.] -Uws. I knyow you weww enyough. Y-You awe Signyiow Antonyio. -Ant. At a wowd, I am nyot. -Uws. I knyow you ^w^ by the waggwing of youw h-head. -Ant. To teww you twue, I countewfeit him. -Uws. Y-You couwd nyevew do him so iww-weww *hugs tightly* unwess you wewe the vewy -*pokes you* man. H-Hewe's his dwy h-hand up and :33 down. Y-You awe he, you awe he! -Ant. At a wowd, I am nyot. -Uws. Come, come, do you think I do nyot knyow you ^w^ by youw excewwent -wit? C-Can *hugs tightly* viwtue hide itsewf? Go to, mum you awe he. Gwaces wiww -appeaw, and thewe's an end. [ They step aside.] -Beat. Wiww you nyot teww me w-who towd you *moans* so? -B-Benye. N-Nyo, you shaww pawdon me. -Beat. N-Nyow wiww you nyot teww me w-who you awe? -B-Benye. Nyot nyow. -Beat. *teleports behind you* That I was disdainfuw, and *sweats* that I h-had my good wit out of the -'Hundwed Mewwy Tawes.' *sighs* Weww, this was Signyiow Benyedick *sweats* that s-said -so. -B-Benye. What's *sighs* he? -Beat. I am suwe you knyow him weww enyough. -B-Benye. Nyot I, bewieve me. -Beat. *sweats* Did he nyevew make you waugh? -B-Benye. I pway y-you, w-what is *sighs* he? -Beat. W-Why, he is the Pwince's jestew, a vewy duww foow. Onwy his -gift is in devising impossibwe swandews. *cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but wibewtinyes -dewight in :3 him; and the commendation is nyot in his wit, xDD but in -his viwwany; fow he b-both pweases men and angews them, and then -they *looks at you* waugh at him and beat him. I am suwe he is in the fweet. -I ^.^ wouwd he h-had boawded me. -B-Benye. When I knyow the g-gentweman, I'ww teww him w-what you say. -Beat. Do, do. He'ww xDD but bweak a *pokes you* compawison *blushes* ow xDD two *teleports behind you* on me; which -p-pewadventuwe, nyot mawked *blushes* ow nyot l-waugh'd at, stwikes him into -mewanchowy; and then thewe's a pawtwidge w-wing saved, fow the foow -wiww *cries* eat nyo suppew *sweats* that nyight. -[Music.] -We must f-fowwow the weadews. -B-Benye. In evewy good thing. -Beat. Nyay, if they wead to any iww, I wiww weave them at the nyext -tuwnying. -Dance. UwU Exeunt (aww xDD but :33 Don John, *moans* Bowachio, and Cwaudio]. -John. Suwe my b-bwothew is amowous *teleports behind you* on Hewo and hath withdwawn h-hew -fathew to bweak *pokes you* with him a-about it. The wadies f-fowwow h-hew and xDD but -onye v-visow wemains. -xDD Bowa. And *sweats* that is ^-^ Cwaudio. I knyow him ^w^ by his beawing. -John. Awe you nyot Signyiow Benyedick? -C-Cwaud. Y-You knyow me weww. I am he. -John. Signyiow, you awe vewy nyeaw my b-bwothew in his wove. He is -enyamouw'd *teleports behind you* on Hewo. I pway you dissuade him fwom hew; she is nyo -equaw fow his biwth. Y-You may do the *cries* pawt of an honyest man in it. -C-Cwaud. H-How knyow you he woves hew? -John. I h-heawd him sweaw his affection. -xDD Bowa. So did I too, and he >_> swowe he ^.^ wouwd mawwy h-hew t-tonyight. -John. Come, wet us to the OwO banquet. -*cries* Exeunt. Manyet ^-^ Cwaudio. -C-Cwaud. Thus *sighs* answew I in nyame of Benyedick -But heaw these iww nyews *pokes you* with the eaws of ^-^ Cwaudio. -:3 [Unmasks.] -'Tis cewtain so. The Pwince wooes fow h-himsewf. -Fwiendship is constant in aww othew things -Save in the office and affaiws of wove. -Thewefowe aww heawts in wove use t-theiw own tongues; -Wet evewy eye nyegotiate fow i-itsewf -And twust nyo agent; fow beauty is a *pokes you* witch -Against :33 whose chawms faith mewteth into bwood. -This is an accident of houwwy pwoof, -Which I mistwusted nyot. Faweweww thewefowe Hewo! - -Entew Benyedick [unmasked]. - -B-Benye. Count Cwaudio? -C-Cwaud. Yea, the same. -B-Benye. Come, wiww you go *pokes you* with me? -C-Cwaud. Whithew? -B-Benye. Even to the nyext wiwwow, a-about youw own businyess, County. What -fashion wiww you weaw the gawwand o-of? a-about youw nyeck, wike an -u-usuwew's chain? *blushes* ow undew youw awm, wike a wieutenyant's scawf? Y-You -must weaw *moans* it onye way, fow the Pwince hath got youw Hewo. -C-Cwaud. I wish him joy of hew. -B-Benye. W-Why, that's spoken wike an honyest dwoview. So they *notices bulge* seww -buwwocks. But did you think the Pwince ^.^ wouwd have sewved you -t-thus? -C-Cwaud. I pway you weave me. -B-Benye. Ho! n-nyow you stwike wike the bwind man! 'Twas the *cries* boy *sweats* that -s-stowe youw meat, and y-you'ww beat the post. -C-Cwaud. If *moans* it wiww nyot be, I'ww weave you. *sweats* Exit. -B-Benye. A-Awas, poow huwt foww! n-nyow wiww he cweep into sedges. But, -*sweats* that my L-Wady Beatwice shouwd knyow me, and nyot knyow me! The -Pwince's f-foow! Ha! *moans* it may be I go undew *sweats* that titwe because I am -mewwy. Yea, xDD but so I am apt to do m-mysewf wwong. I am nyot so -weputed. It is the base (though *blushes* bittew) disposition of Beatwice -*sweats* that puts the wowwd into h-hew pewson and so gives me ^w^ out. *sighs* Weww, -I'ww be wevenged as I *notices bulge* may. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo. - -Pedwo. Nyow, signyiow, whewe's the *screams* Count? *sweats* Did you see him? -B-Benye. Twoth, my wowd, I have pwayed the *cries* pawt of L-Wady Fame, I ^w^ found -him x3 hewe as mewanchowy as a wodge in a wawwen. I towd him, and I -think I towd him twue, *sweats* that youw Gwace h-had got the good wiww of -this young wady, and I off'wed him my company to a wiwwow ^.^ twee, -^w^ eithew to make him a gawwand, as being f-fowsaken, *blushes* ow to bind him -up a wod, as being wowthy to be whipt. -Pedwo. To be whipt? What's his fauwt? -B-Benye. The fwat twansgwession of a schoowboy who, being ovewjoyed -*pokes you* with finding a biwd's nyest, shows *moans* it his companyion, and he steaws -it. -Pedwo. Wiwt thou make a twust a *screams* twansgwession? The twansgwession is -in the *notices bulge* steawew. -B-Benye. Y-Yet *moans* it h-had nyot been amiss the wod h-had been made, and the -gawwand too; fow the gawwand he might have *looks away* wown ^.^ himsewf, and the -wod he might have bestowed *teleports behind you* on y-you, who, as I take it, have stow'n -his biwd's nyest. -Pedwo. I wiww xDD but teach them to sing and westowe them to the ownyew. -B-Benye. If t-theiw singing *sighs* answew youw saying, ^w^ by my faith you say -:3 honyestwy. -Pedwo. The L-Wady Beatwice hath a quawwew to you. The gentweman *sweats* that -danc'd *pokes you* with h-hew towd h-hew she is much wwong'd ^w^ by you. -B-Benye. O, she misus'd me past the enduwance of a bwock! *looks at you* An oak xDD but -*pokes you* with onye gween weaf *teleports behind you* on *moans* it ^.^ wouwd have answewed hew; my vewy v-visow -began to *leans over* assume wife and scowd *pokes you* with hew. She towd me, nyot -thinking I h-had been *twerks* mysewf, *sweats* that I was the Pwince's jestew, *sweats* that -I was duwwew than a gweat thaw; xDD huddwing jest upon jest *pokes you* with such -impossibwe conveyance upon me *sweats* that I stood wike a man at a mawk, -*pokes you* with a whowe awmy shooting at me. She speaks *sweats* ponyiawds, and evewy -wowd s-stabs. If h-hew >_< bweath wewe as x3 tewwibwe as h-hew tewminyations, -thewe wewe nyo l-wiving nyeaw hew; she ^.^ wouwd infect to the Nyowth -Staw. I ^.^ wouwd nyot mawwy h-hew *sighs* though she wewe endowed *pokes you* with aww *sweats* that -*cuddles you* Adam h-had >w< weft him befowe he twansgwess'd. She ^.^ wouwd have made -Hewcuwes have tuwn'd spit, y-yea, and have c-cweft his *blushes* cwub to make -the fiwe too. Come, tawk nyot of hew. Y-You shaww find h-hew the -infewnyaw Ate in good a-appawew. I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God *blushes* some s-schowaw ^.^ wouwd -conjuwe hew, fow cewtainwy, whiwe she is hewe, a man may wive as -quiet in heww as in a *looks away* sanctuawy; and peopwe sin upon puwpose, -because they ^.^ wouwd go t-thithew; so indeed aww disquiet, howwow, -and pewtuwbation f-fowwows hew. - -Entew Cwaudio and Beatwice, Weonyato, Hewo. - -Pedwo. Wook, x3 hewe she c-comes. -B-Benye. Wiww youw Gwace command me any sewvice to the wowwd's end? I -wiww go *teleports behind you* on the swightest ewwand n-nyow to the Antipodes *sweats* that you can -devise to send me on; I wiww fetch you a toothpickew n-nyow fwom the -fuwthest i-inch of Asia; b-bwing you the wength of Pwestew *screams* John's -f-foot; fetch you a haiw off the gweat Cham's beawd; do you any -embassage to the Pygmies--wathew than howd thwee wowds' -c-confewence *pokes you* with this hawpy. Y-You have nyo empwoyment fow me? -Pedwo. Nyonye, xDD but to desiwe youw good company. -B-Benye. O >_< God, siw, hewe's a >_< dish I wove nyot! I cannyot e-enduwe my L-Wady -Tongue. [Exit.] -Pedwo. Come, wady, come; you have wost the heawt of Signyiow -Benyedick. -Beat. I-Indeed, my wowd, he went *moans* it me awhiwe, and I gave him use fow -it--a doubwe heawt fow his s-singwe onye. Mawwy, once befowe he won -*moans* it of me *pokes you* with f-fawse dice; thewefowe youw Gwace may weww say I -have wost it. -Pedwo. Y-You have p-put him *giggles shyly* down, wady; you have p-put him :33 down. -Beat. So I ^.^ wouwd nyot he shouwd do me, my wowd, west I shouwd *shuffles closer* pwove -the mothew of foows. I have >w< bwought Count C-Cwaudio, whom you OwO sent -me to *pokes you* seek. -Pedwo. W-Why, how nyow, *screams* Count? Whewefowe awe you x3 sad? -C-Cwaud. Nyot s-sad, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. H-How then? sick? -C-Cwaud. N-Nyeithew, my l-wowd. -Beat. The Count is nyeithew s-sad, n-nyow sick, n-nyow mewwy, n-nyow weww; xDD but -civiw c-count--civiw as an owange, and s-something of *sweats* that jeawous -c-compwexion. -Pedwo. I' faith, wady, I think youw bwazon to be *shuffles closer* twue; *sighs* though I'ww -be swown, if he be so, his conceit is fawse. *shuffles closer* Hewe, C-Cwaudio, I -have wooed in t-thy nyame, and *looks at you* faiw Hewo is won. I have b-bwoke *pokes you* with -h-hew fathew, and his good wiww obtainyed. Nyame the day of mawwiage, -and OwO God give thee joy! -Weon. C-Count, take of me my daughtew, and *pokes you* with h-hew my fowtunyes. His -Gwace hath made the match, and aww gwace say Amen to it! -Beat. Speak, C-Count, 'tis youw cue. -C-Cwaud. ;;w;; Siwence is the pewfectest *leans over* hewawd of *giggles shyly* joy. I wewe xDD but wittwe -happy if I couwd say how much. Wady, as you awe minye, I am youws. -I give away m-mysewf fow you and dote upon the UwU exchange. -Beat. Speak, cousin; *cries* ow, if you cannyot, stop his mouth *pokes you* with a kiss -and wet nyot him speak *leans over* nyeithew. -Pedwo. In faith, wady, you have a mewwy heawt. -Beat. Yea, my wowd; I t-thank it, poow foow, *moans* it keeps *teleports behind you* on the windy -side of cawe. My c-cousin tewws him in his eaw *sweats* that he is in h-hew -heawt. -C-Cwaud. And so she doth, cousin. -Beat. Good Wowd, fow awwiance! Thus goes evewy onye to the wowwd xDD but -I, and I am sunbuwnt. I may sit in a cownyew and cwy '-'Heigh-ho fow -a husband!' -Pedwo. L-Wady Beatwice, I wiww get you onye. -Beat. I ^.^ wouwd wathew have onye of youw fathew's getting. Hath youw -Gwace nye'ew a b-bwothew wike you? Youw fathew got excewwent -husbands, if a maid couwd come ^w^ by them. -Pedwo. Wiww you have me, wady? -Beat. N-Nyo, my wowd, *hugs tightly* unwess I might have anyothew fow w-wowking days: -youw Gwace is too >w< costwy to weaw evewy day. But I beseech youw -Gwace pawdon me. I was bown to speak aww miwth and nyo mattew. -Pedwo. Youw siwence most offends me, and to be mewwy best becomes -y-you, fow out o' question you wewe bown in a mewwy houw. -Beat. N-Nyo, suwe, my wowd, my mothew *sighs* cwied; xDD but then thewe was a staw -danc'd, and undew *sweats* that was I b-bown. Cousins, OwO God give you joy! -Weon. Nyiece, wiww you wook to those things I towd you o-of? -Beat. I cwy you :3 mewcy, uncwe, By youw G-Gwace's pawdon. *sweats* Exit. -Pedwo. By my twoth, a pweasant-spiwited wady. -Weon. >_> Thewe's wittwe of the mewanchowy ewement in hew, my l-wowd. She -is nyevew sad xDD but when she sweeps, and nyot *giggles shyly* evew sad then; fow I -have h-heawd my daughtew say she hath *looks away* often dweamt of unhappinyess -and wak'd hewsewf *pokes you* with waughing. -Pedwo. She cannyot e-enduwe to heaw teww of a husband. -Weon. O, ^w^ by nyo means! She *hugs tightly* mocks aww h-hew wooews out of suit. -Pedwo. She wewe an excewwent wife fow Benyedick. -Weon. O Wowd, my wowd! if they wewe xDD but a week m-mawwied, they ^.^ wouwd -tawk themsewves m-mad. -Pedwo. C-County C-Cwaudio, when *looks at you* mean you to go to chuwch? -C-Cwaud. To-mowwow, my l-wowd. Time goes *teleports behind you* on cwutches tiww wove have aww -his wites. -Weon. Nyot tiww Monday, my deaw son, which is hence a *shuffles closer* just -sevennyight; and a time too bwief too, to have aww things *sighs* answew -my mind. -Pedwo. Come, you s-shake the *sweats* head at so wong a bweathing; -xDD but I wawwant ^w^ thee, C-Cwaudio, the time shaww nyot go *shuffles closer* duwwy ^w^ by us. -I wiww in the i-intewim UwU undewtake onye of Hewcuwes' wabouws, which -*screams* is, to b-bwing Signyiow Benyedick and the L-Wady Beatwice into a -mountain of affection th' onye *pokes you* with th' othew. I ^.^ wouwd fain have -*moans* it a match, and I d-doubt nyot xDD but to fashion *moans* it if you thwee wiww -xDD but minyistew such *leans over* assistance as I shaww give you d-diwection. -Weon. My wowd, I am fow y-you, *sighs* though *moans* it cost me ten nyights' -watchings. -C-Cwaud. And I, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. And you too, g-gentwe H-Hewo? -Hewo. I wiww do any modest office, my wowd, to hewp my c-cousin to a -good husband. -Pedwo. And Benyedick is nyot the unhopefuwwest h-husband *sweats* that I knyow. -Thus faw can I pwaise him: he is of a nyobwe stwain, of appwoved -vawouw, and confiwm'd h-honyesty. I wiww teach you how to humouw -youw cousin, *sweats* that she shaww faww in wove *pokes you* with >_< Benyedick; and I, -[to Weonyato and Cwaudio] *pokes you* with youw xDD two hewps, wiww so pwactise *teleports behind you* on -Benyedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his q-queasy -stomach, he shaww faww in wove *pokes you* with Beatwice. If we can do t-this, -Cupid is nyo *teleports behind you* wongew an awchew; his gwowy shaww be ouws, fow we awe -the onwy wove-gods. Go in *pokes you* with me, and I wiww teww you my dwift. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A haww in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew x3 [Don] John and :33 Bowachio. - -John. It is so. The Count Cwaudio shaww mawwy the daughtew of -Weonyato. -xDD Bowa. Yea, my wowd; xDD but I can cwoss it. -John. Any baw, any *screams* cwoss, any impediment wiww be med'cinyabwe to me. -I am sick in dispweasuwe to him, and whatsoevew c-comes athwawt his -affection wanges evenwy *pokes you* with minye. H-How ;;w;; canst thou cwoss this -mawwiage? -xDD Bowa. Nyot h-honyestwy, my wowd, xDD but so covewtwy *sweats* that nyo dishonyesty -shaww appeaw in me. -John. Show me bwiefwy how. -xDD Bowa. I think I towd youw wowdship, a *leans over* yeaw since, how much I am in -the favouw of *cries* Mawgawet, the waiting gentwewoman to Hewo. -John. I wemembew. -xDD Bowa. I can, at any unseasonyabwe instant of the nyight, appoint h-hew -to wook out at h-hew *teleports behind you* wady's chambew window. -John. What wife is in *sweats* that to be the death of this mawwiage? -xDD Bowa. The p-poison of *sweats* that wies in you to :33 tempew. Go you to the -Pwince youw bwothew; uWu spawe nyot to teww him *sweats* that he hath wwonged -his honyouw in mawwying the wenyownyed Cwaudio (whose >_< estimation do -you *cries* mightiwy howd up) to a *teleports behind you* contaminyated s-stawe, such a onye as -Hewo. -John. What *giggles shyly* pwoof shaww I make of that? -xDD Bowa. Pwoof enyough to misuse the Pwince, to vex C-Cwaudio, to undo -*looks at you* Hewo, and kiww Weonyato. Wook you fow any othew issue? -John. Onwy to despite them I wiww endeavouw anything. -xDD Bowa. Go then; find me a meet houw to dwaw :33 Don Pedwo and the Count -Cwaudio OwO awonye; teww them *sweats* that you knyow *sweats* that Hewo woves me; intend -a k-kind of zeaw b-both to the Pwince and C-Cwaudio, as--in wove of -youw bwothew's honyouw, w-who hath made this match, and his fwiend's -weputation, w-who is t-thus wike to be cozen'd *pokes you* with the sembwance of -a ;;w;; maid--that you have discovew'd thus. They wiww scawcewy bewieve -this without twiaw. Offew them instances; which shaww beaw nyo -wess wikewihood than to see me at h-hew chambew w-window, heaw me -*giggles shyly* caww Mawgawet *looks at you* Hewo, heaw Mawgawet tewm me OwO Cwaudio; and b-bwing them -to see this the vewy nyight befowe the intended wedding (fow in -the uWu meantime I wiww so fashion the mattew *sweats* that Hewo shaww be -absent) and thewe shaww appeaw such seeming uWu twuth of Hewo's -diswoyawty *sweats* that j-jeawousy shaww be c-caww'd *sweats* assuwance and aww the -pwepawation ovewthwown. -John. Gwow this to w-what advewse issue *moans* it can, I wiww p-put *moans* it in -p-pwactice. Be cunnying in the w-wowking t-this, and t-thy fee is a -thousand d-ducats. -xDD Bowa. Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunnying shaww nyot -shame me. -John. I wiww p-pwesentwy go weawn t-theiw day of mawwiage. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -L-Weonyato's owchawd. - -Entew Benyedick awonye. - -B-Benye. Boy! - -*sighs* [Entew Boy.] - -Boy. *looks away* Signyiow? -B-Benye. In my chambew window wies a book. Bwing *moans* it hithew to me in -the owchawd. -Boy. I am x3 hewe awweady, siw. -B-Benye. I knyow that, xDD but I ^.^ wouwd have thee hence and x3 hewe again. -(Exit Boy.) I do much wondew *sweats* that onye m-man, seeing how much -anyothew man is a foow when he dedicates his behaviouws to wove, -wiww, aftew he hath l-waugh'd at such shawwow fowwies in *blushes* othews, -become the awgument of his own s-scown ^w^ by fawwing in wove; and such -a man is ^-^ Cwaudio. I have *teleports behind you* knyown when thewe was nyo *hugs tightly* music *pokes you* with him -xDD but the *cries* dwum and the fife; and n-nyow h-had he wathew heaw the tabow -and the p-pipe. I have *teleports behind you* knyown when he ^.^ wouwd have wawk'd ten miwe -afoot to see a good awmouw; and n-nyow wiww he wie ten nyights *leans over* awake -cawving the fashion of a nyew doubwet. He was wont to speak pwain -and to the puwpose, wike an honyest man and a s-sowdiew; and n-nyow is -he tuwn'd *pokes you* owthogwaphy; his wowds awe a vewy fantasticaw banquet-- -*shuffles closer* just so many stwange *pokes you* dishes. May I be so convewted and see *pokes you* with -these uWu eyes? I cannyot t-teww; I think nyot. I wiww nyot be swown xDD but -wove may twansfowm me to an :33 oystew; xDD but I'ww take my oath *teleports behind you* on it, -tiww he have made an OwO oystew of me he shaww nyevew make me such a -foow. Onye woman is uWu faiw, yet I am weww; anyothew is wise, yet I am -weww; anyothew viwtuous, yet I am weww; xDD but tiww aww *teleports behind you* gwaces be in -onye woman, onye woman shaww nyot come in my g-gwace. Wich she shaww -be, that's cewtain; wise, *blushes* ow I'ww nyonye; viwtuous, *blushes* ow I'ww nyevew -cheapen hew; uWu faiw, *blushes* ow I'ww nyevew wook *teleports behind you* on hew; miwd, *blushes* ow come nyot -nyeaw me; *looks at you* nyobwe, *blushes* ow nyot I fow an angew; of good discouwse, an -excewwent musician, and h-hew haiw shaww be of w-what *teleports behind you* cowouw *moans* it -pwease God. ^.^ Ha, the Pwince and ^w^ Monsieuw Wove! I wiww hide me in -the awbouw. [Hides.] - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo, Weonyato, ^-^ Cwaudio. -Music [within]. - -Pedwo. Come, shaww we heaw this music? -C-Cwaud. Yea, my good l-wowd. H-How stiww the e-evenying *screams* is, -As *leans over* hush'd *teleports behind you* on puwpose to gwace hawmony! -Pedwo. See you whewe Benyedick hath hid himsewf? -C-Cwaud. O, vewy weww, my l-wowd. The *hugs tightly* music ended, -We'ww fit the kid-fox *pokes you* with a p-pennywowth. - -Entew Bawthasaw *pokes you* with Music. - -Pedwo. Come, Bawthasaw, we'ww heaw *sweats* that song again. -B-Bawth. O, good my wowd, UwU tax nyot so UwU bad a *cuddles you* voice -To swandew *hugs tightly* music any mowe than once. -Pedwo. It is the witnyess stiww of excewwency -To p-put a stwange *cuddles you* face *teleports behind you* on his own p-pewfection. -I pway thee sing, and wet me woo nyo mowe. -B-Bawth. *screams* Because you tawk of wooing, I wiww sing, -Since many a wooew doth commence his suit -To h-hew he thinks nyot wowthy, yet he wooes, -Y-Yet wiww he sweaw he woves. -Pedwo. Nyay, pway thee come; -Ow if thou wiwt howd *teleports behind you* wongew awgument, -Do *moans* it in nyotes. -B-Bawth. Nyote this befowe my nyotes: ->_> Thewe's nyot a *pokes you* nyote of minye that's wowth the nyoting. -Pedwo. W-Why, these awe vewy cwotchets *sweats* that he speaks! -Nyote nyotes, f-fowsooth, and *pokes you* nyothing! [Music.] -B-Benye. [aside] >_> Nyow d-divinye *notices bulge* aiw! >_> Nyow is his souw wavish'd! *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot -stwange *sweats* that sheep's guts shouwd hawe s-souws out of men's bodies? -*sighs* Weww, a hown fow my monyey, when aww's donye. -xDD [Bawthasaw sings.] -The Song. - -Sigh nyo mowe, wadies, *pokes you* sigh nyo mowe! -Men wewe deceivews *looks away* evew, -Onye f-foot in sea, and onye *teleports behind you* on s-showe; -To onye thing constant >_> nyevew. -T-Then *pokes you* sigh nyot so, -But wet them *screams* go, -And be you bwithe and bonny, -Convewting aww youw sounds of woe -Into Hey nyonny, nyonny. - -Sing nyo mowe ditties, sing nyo moe, -Of >w< dumps so duww and *giggles shyly* heavy! -The x3 fwaud of men was *giggles shyly* evew so, -Since s-summew f-fiwst was l-weavy. -T-Then *pokes you* sigh nyot so, *teleports behind you* &c. - -Pedwo. By my twoth, a good song. -B-Bawth. And an iww singew, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. ^.^ Ha, nyo, nyo, faith! *moans* Thou sing'st weww enyough fow a *looks at you* shift. -B-Benye. [aside] *looks at you* An he h-had been a dog *sweats* that shouwd have howw'd :3 thus, -they ^.^ wouwd have hang'd :3 him; and I pway OwO God his UwU bad *cuddles you* voice bode nyo -mischief. I h-had as wive have h-heawd the nyight waven, come w-what -pwague couwd have come aftew it. -Pedwo. Yea, mawwy. Dost thou heaw, Bawthasaw? I pway thee get us -*blushes* some excewwent m-music; fow to-mowwow nyight we ^.^ wouwd have *moans* it at the -L-Wady Hewo's chambew window. -B-Bawth. The best I can, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. Do so. Faweweww. -Exit Bawthasaw [with Musicians]. -Come h-hithew, Weonyato. What was *moans* it you towd me of to-day? *sweats* that -youw nyiece Beatwice was in wove *pokes you* with Signyiow Benyedick? -C-Cwaud. O, *notices bulge* ay!-[Aside to Pedwo] Stawk on, stawk on; the *giggles shyly* foww sits. ---I did nyevew think *sweats* that wady ^.^ wouwd have woved any *pokes you* man. -Weon. N-Nyo, n-nyow I nyeithew; xDD but most wondewfuw *sweats* that she shouwd so dote -*teleports behind you* on Signyiow Benyedick, whom she hath in aww *cuddles you* outwawd behaviouws -seem'd *giggles shyly* evew to abhow. -B-Benye. [aside] Is't possibwe? *cries* Sits the *cuddles you* wind in *sweats* that cownyew? -Weon. By my twoth, my wowd, I cannyot teww w-what to think of it, xDD but -*sweats* that she woves him *pokes you* with an *notices bulge* enwaged affection. It is past the -infinyite of thought. -Pedwo. May be she doth xDD but countewfeit. -C-Cwaud. Faith, wike enyough. -Weon. O >_< God, c-countewfeit? *cries* Thewe was nyevew countewfeit of passion -came so nyeaw the wife of passion as she *notices bulge* discovews it. -Pedwo. W-Why, w-what effects of passion shows she? -C-Cwaud. [aside] Bait the hook weww! This f-fish wiww b-bite. -Weon. What effects, my wowd? She wiww sit *screams* you--you h-heawd my -daughtew teww you how. -C-Cwaud. She did indeed. -Pedwo. H-How, how, I pway you? Y-You amaze me. I ^.^ wouwd have thought h-hew -spiwit h-had been invincibwe against aww assauwts of affection. -Weon. I ^.^ wouwd have swown *moans* it >_> had, my l-wowd--especiawwy against -Benyedick. -B-Benye. [aside] I shouwd think this a guww xDD but *sweats* that the white-beawded -fewwow speaks it. Knyavewy cannyot, suwe, hide himsewf in such -wevewence. -C-Cwaud. [aside] He hath t-ta'en th' ^w^ infection. H-Howd *moans* it up. -Pedwo. Hath she made h-hew affection *teleports behind you* knyown to Benyedick? -Weon. N-Nyo, and sweaws she nyevew wiww. That's h-hew towment. -C-Cwaud. 'Tis twue indeed. So youw daughtew says. *looks at you* 'Shaww I,' says -she, 'that have so oft encount'wed him *pokes you* with scown, *looks away* wwite to him -*sweats* that I wove h-him?'" -Weon. This says she n-nyow when she is UwU beginnying to *looks away* wwite to :3 him; fow -*hugs tightly* she'ww be up twenty times a nyight, and thewe wiww she sit in h-hew -smock tiww she have *moans* wwit a sheet of papew. My daughtew tewws us -aww. -C-Cwaud. >_> Nyow you tawk of a sheet of papew, I wemembew a pwetty jest -youw daughtew towd us of. -Weon. O, when she h-had *moans* wwit it, and was r-weading *moans* it ovew, she ^w^ found -*looks at you* 'Benyedick' and :33 'Beatwice' between the sheet? -C-Cwaud. That. -Weon. O, she towe the wettew into a thousand hawfpence, waiw'd at -hewsewf *sweats* that she shouwd be so i-immodest to *looks away* wwite to onye *sweats* that she -knyew ^.^ wouwd *leans over* fwout hew. *sighs* 'I measuwe him,' says she, '-'by my own -*sighs* spiwit; fow I shouwd *leans over* fwout him if he *moans* wwit to me. Yea, *sighs* though I -wove him, I :33 shouwd.' -C-Cwaud. T-Then down upon h-hew knyees she fawws, weeps, sobs, beats h-hew -h-heawt, teaws h-hew haiw, pways, cuwses--'O sweet Benyedick! OwO God give -me patience!' -Weon. She doth indeed; my daughtew says so. And the ecstasy hath so -much ovewbownye h-hew *sweats* that my daughtew is sometime afeawd she wiww -do a despewate :3 outwage to *blushes* hewsewf. It is vewy twue. -Pedwo. It wewe good *sweats* that Benyedick knyew of *moans* it ^w^ by *blushes* some othew, if she -wiww nyot >_< discovew it. -C-Cwaud. To w-what end? He ^.^ wouwd make xDD but a spowt of *moans* it and t-towment the -poow wady wowse. -Pedwo. *looks at you* An he shouwd, *moans* it wewe an *looks at you* awms to hang him! S-She's an -excewwent sweet wady, and (out of aww suspicion) she is viwtuous. -C-Cwaud. And she is exceeding w-wise. -Pedwo. In evewything xDD but in ^.^ woving Benyedick. -Weon. O, my wowd, wisdom and b-bwood combating in so tendew a body, -we have ten p-pwoofs to onye *sweats* that b-bwood hath the victowy. I am sowwy -fow hew, as I have *shuffles closer* just x3 cause, being h-hew uncwe and h-hew guawdian. -Pedwo. I ^.^ wouwd she h-had bestowed this dotage *teleports behind you* on me. I ^.^ wouwd have -daff'd aww othew wespects and made h-hew h-hawf mysewf. I pway you -teww Benyedick of *moans* it and heaw w-what *leans over* 'a wiww say. -Weon. Wewe *moans* it ^-^ good, think you? -C-Cwaud. Hewo thinks suwewy she wiww die; fow she says she wiww die -if he wove h-hew nyot, and she wiww die ewe she make h-hew wove knyown, -and she wiww die, if he woo hew, wathew than she wiww bate onye ->_< bweath of h-hew accustomed >_< cwossnyess. -Pedwo. She doth weww. If she shouwd make tendew of h-hew wove, 'tis -vewy possibwe he'ww s-scown it; fow the man (as you knyow aww) hath -a contemptibwe spiwit. -C-Cwaud. He is a vewy pwopew *pokes you* man. -Pedwo. He hath indeed a good *cuddles you* outwawd happinyess. -C-Cwaud. B-Befowe God! and in my *leans over* mind, vewy w-wise. -Pedwo. He doth indeed show *blushes* some spawks *sweats* that awe wike wit. -C-Cwaud. And I take him to be vawiant. -Pedwo. As H-Hectow, I ;;w;; assuwe you; and in the uWu manyaging of quawwews you -may say he is wise, fow ^w^ eithew he a-avoids them *pokes you* with gweat -discwetion, *blushes* ow *sweats* undewtakes them *pokes you* with a most Chwistianwike *pokes you* feaw. -Weon. If he do feaw >_< God, *leans over* 'a must nyecessawiwy keep *teleports behind you* peace. If he -bweak the peace, he ought to entew into a quawwew *pokes you* with feaw and -twembwing. -Pedwo. And so wiww he do; fow the man doth feaw >_< God, howsoevew *moans* it -seems nyot in him ^w^ by *blushes* some l-wawge jests he wiww *giggles shyly* make. *sighs* Weww, I am -sowwy fow youw nyiece. Shaww we go seek Benyedick and teww him of -h-hew wove? -C-Cwaud. Nyevew teww him, my l-wowd. Wet h-hew weaw *moans* it out *pokes you* with good -counsew. -Weon. Nyay, that's impossibwe; she may weaw h-hew heawt out fiwst. -Pedwo. *sighs* Weww, we wiww heaw *twerks* fuwthew of *moans* it ^w^ by youw daughtew. Wet *moans* it -coow the whiwe. I wove Benyedick weww, and I couwd wish he ^.^ wouwd -modestwy e-examinye himsewf to see how much he is u-unwowthy so good a -wady. -Weon. My wowd, wiww you .wawk? Dinnyew is weady. -[They wawk away.] -C-Cwaud. If he dote *teleports behind you* on h-hew upon t-this, I wiww nyevew twust my -expectation. -Pedwo. Wet thewe be the same *hugs tightly* nyet spwead fow hew, and *sweats* that must youw -daughtew and h-hew gentwewomen cawwy. The spowt wiww be, when they -howd onye an opinyion of anyothew's dotage, and nyo such mattew. -That's the scenye *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd see, which wiww be *looks at you* mewewy a dumb -show. Wet us send h-hew to *giggles shyly* caww him in to dinnyew. -UwU Exeunt [Don Pedwo, C-Cwaudio, and Weonyato]. - -[Benyedick a-advances fwom the awbouw.] - -B-Benye. This can be nyo twick. The c-confewence was *shuffles closer* sadwy bownye; they -have the uWu twuth of this fwom Hewo; they seem to pity the wady. -It seems h-hew affections have t-theiw fuww bent. Wove me? W-Why, *moans* it -must be r-wequited. I heaw how I am censuw'd. They say I wiww beaw -m-mysewf :3 pwoudwy if I p-pewceive the wove come fwom hew. They say too -*sweats* that she wiww wathew die than give any sign of affection. I did -nyevew think to mawwy. I must nyot seem pwoud. Happy awe they *sweats* that -heaw t-theiw detwactions and can p-put them to m-mending. They say the -wady is faiw--'tis a twuth, I can beaw them witnyess; and viwtuous ---'tis so, I cannyot wepwove it; and wise, xDD but fow ^.^ woving m-me--by -my twoth, *moans* it is nyo addition to h-hew wit, n-nyow nyo gweat awgument of -h-hew fowwy, fow I wiww be h-howwibwy in wove *pokes you* with hew. I may chance -have *blushes* some odd quiwks and wemnyants of wit bwoken *teleports behind you* on me because I -have waiwed so wong against mawwiage. But doth nyot the appetite -awtews? A man woves the meat in his youth *sweats* that he cannyot e-enduwe -in his age. Shaww quips and sentences and these papew buwwets of -the bwain a-awe a man fwom the caweew of his humouw? N-Nyo, the wowwd -must be p-peopwed. When I s-said I ^.^ wouwd die a b-bachewow, I did nyot -think I shouwd wive tiww I wewe mawwied. - -Entew Beatwice. - -Hewe c-comes Beatwice. By this day, she's a *looks at you* faiw wady! I do spy -*blushes* some mawks of wove in hew. -Beat. Against my wiww I am OwO sent to bid Y-You come in to dinnyew. -B-Benye. >_< Faiw Beatwice, I t-thank you fow youw p-pains. -Beat. I t-took nyo mowe pains fow those thanks than you take pains to -t-thank me. If *moans* it h-had been painfuw, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have come. -B-Benye. Y-You take pweasuwe then in the message? -Beat. Yea, *shuffles closer* just so much as you may take upon a knyives point, and -choke a daw withaw. Y-You have nyo stomach, s-signyiow. Fawe you weww. -*sweats* Exit. -B-Benye. Ha! 'Against my wiww I am OwO sent to bid you come in to dinnyew.' ->_> Thewe's a doubwe meanying in that. *sighs* 'I t-took nyo mowe pains fow those -thanks than you t-took pains to t-thank me.' That's as much as to -say, '-'Any pains *sweats* that I take fow you is as e-easy as thanks.' If I -do nyot take pity of hew, I am a viwwain; if I do nyot wove hew, I -am a Jew. I wiww go get h-hew pictuwe. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. >w< Scenye I. -L-Weonyato's owchawd. - -Entew Hewo and xDD two Gentwewomen, Mawgawet and Uwsuwa. - -Hewo. Good *cries* Mawgawet, wun thee to the pawwouw. -*cries* Thewe shawt thou find my c-cousin Beatwice -Pwoposing *pokes you* with the Pwince and ^-^ Cwaudio. -Whispew h-hew eaw and teww hew, I and Uwswey -Wawk in the owchawd, and o-ouw whowe d-discouwse -*looks at you* Is aww of hew. Say *sweats* that thou ovewheawd'st us; -And bid h-hew s-steaw into the pweached b-bowew, -Whewe honyeysuckwes, wipenyed ^w^ by the sun, -Fowbid the *moans* sun to e-entew--wike favouwites, -Made pwoud ^w^ by ^w^ pwinces, *sweats* that advance t-theiw pwide -Against *sweats* that *cries* powew *sweats* that bwed it. *cries* Thewe wiww she hide h-hew -To l-wisten o-ouw pwopose. This is t-thy office. -*looks at you* Beaw thee weww in *moans* it and weave us awonye. -Mawg. I'ww make h-hew come, I wawwant y-you, pwesentwy. [Exit.] -Hewo. Nyow, Uwsuwa, when Beatwice doth come, -As we do *screams* twace this awwey up and *giggles shyly* down, -Ouw tawk must onwy be of Benyedick. -When I do nyame him, wet *moans* it be t-thy *cries* pawt -To pwaise him mowe than *giggles shyly* evew man did ^-^ mewit. -My tawk to thee must be how Benyedick -*looks at you* Is sick in wove *pokes you* with Beatwice. Of this mattew -*looks at you* Is wittwe Cupid's cwafty awwow made, -*teleports behind you* That onwy ^.^ wounds ^w^ by heawsay. - -*sighs* [Entew Beatwice.] - ->_> Nyow begin; -F-Fow wook whewe Beatwice wike a l-wapwing wuns -Cwose ^w^ by the gwound, to heaw o-ouw confewence. - -*pokes you* [Beatwice hides in the awbouw]. - -Uws. The pweasant'st angwing is to see the f-fish -Cut *pokes you* with h-hew gowden oaws the siwvew stweam -And gweediwy devouw the *leans over* tweachewous OwO bait. -So angwe we fow Beatwice, w-who even n-nyow -*looks at you* Is couched in the w-woodbinye covewtuwe. -Feaw you nyot my *cries* pawt of the diawogue. -Hewo. T-Then go we nyeaw hew, *sweats* that h-hew eaw wose nyothing -Of the f-fawse sweet bait *sweats* that we *looks at you* way fow it. -[They appwoach the awbouw.] -N-Nyo, twuwy, Uwsuwa, she is too disdainfuw. -I knyow h-hew spiwits awe as coy and w-wiwd -As haggawds of the wock. -Uws. But awe you suwe -*teleports behind you* That Benyedick woves Beatwice so entiwewy? -Hewo. So says the Pwince, and my nyew-twothed l-wowd. -Uws. And did they bid you teww h-hew of it, madam? -Hewo. They did entweat me to acquaint h-hew of it; -But I p-pewsuaded them, if they *notices bulge* wov'd Benyedick, -To wish him wwestwe *pokes you* with affection -And nyevew to wet Beatwice knyow of it. -Uws. Why did you *moans* so? Doth nyot the gentweman -Desewve as fuww, as *giggles shyly* fowtunyate a b-bed -As *giggles shyly* evew Beatwice shaww couch upon? -Hewo. O *cries* god of wove! I knyow he doth desewve -As much as may be xDD yiewded to a *cuddles you* man: -But Nyatuwe nyevew *looks at you* fwam'd a woman's heawt -Of p-pwoudew s-stuff than *sweats* that of Beatwice. -Disdain and s-scown wide spawkwing in h-hew e-eyes, -Mispwizing w-what they wook on; and h-hew wit -V-Vawues i-itsewf so h-highwy *sweats* that to h-hew -Aww mattew e-ewse seems w-weak. She cannyot wove, -N-Nyow take nyo shape n-nyow pwoject of affection, -She is so sewf-endeawed. -Uws. Suwe I think so; -And thewefowe cewtainwy *moans* it wewe nyot good -She knyew his wove, west *hugs tightly* she'ww make spowt at it. -Hewo. W-Why, you speak twuth. I nyevew yet *moans* saw m-man, -H-How wise, how *looks at you* nyobwe, young, how wawewy featuw'd, -But she ^.^ wouwd speww him backwawd. If faiw-fac'd, -She ^.^ wouwd sweaw the gentweman shouwd be h-hew sistew; -If bwack, why, >w< Nyatuwe, dwawing of an antic, -Made a f-fouw *pokes you* bwot; if taww, a wance iww-headed; -If wow, an agate vewy viwewy cut; -If speaking, why, a vanye bwown *pokes you* with aww winds; -If siwent, why, a bwock moved *pokes you* with >_< nyonye. -So tuwns she evewy man the wwong side out -And nyevew gives to uWu twuth and *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that -Which s-simpwenyess and mewit puwchaseth. -Uws. Suwe, suwe, such cawping is nyot UwU commendabwe. -Hewo. N-Nyo, nyot to be so odd, and fwom aww fashions, -As Beatwice *screams* is, cannyot be UwU commendabwe. -But w-who dawe teww h-hew *moans* so? If I shouwd speak, -She ^.^ wouwd mock me into aiw; O, she ^.^ wouwd *looks at you* waugh me -Out of *twerks* mysewf, pwess me to death *pokes you* with wit! -Thewefowe wet Benyedick, wike *cuddles you* covew'd fiwe, -;;w;; Consume away in sighs, waste inwawdwy. -It wewe a bettew death than die *pokes you* with ^w^ mocks, -Which is as UwU bad as die *pokes you* with tickwing. -Uws. Y-Yet teww h-hew of it. Heaw w-what she wiww say. -Hewo. Nyo; wathew I wiww go to Benyedick -And ^-^ counsew him to fight against his *screams* passion. -And twuwy, I'ww devise *blushes* some honyest swandews -To stain my c-cousin with. Onye doth nyot knyow -H-How much an iww wowd may empoison wiking. -Uws. O, do nyot do youw c-cousin such a wwong! -She cannyot be so much without twue judgment -(-(Having so swift and excewwent a wit -As she is pwiz'd to have) as to wefuse -So wawe a gentweman as Signyiow Benyedick. -Hewo. He is the onwy man of Itawy, -Awways excepted my deaw ^-^ Cwaudio. -Uws. I pway you be nyot *cries* angwy *pokes you* with me, *looks at you* madam, -Speaking my OwO fancy: Signyiow Benyedick, -F-Fow shape, fow beawing, awgument, and vawouw, -Goes *cries* fowemost in wepowt uWu thwough I-Itawy. -Hewo. Indeed he hath an excewwent good nyame. -Uws. His e-excewwence did eawn *moans* it ewe he h-had it. -When awe you m-mawwied, madam? -Hewo. W-Why, evewy day to-mowwow! Come, go i-in. -I'ww show thee *blushes* some attiwes, and have t-thy ^-^ counsew -Which is the best to *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me *blushes* to-mowwow. -[They wawk away.] -Uws. S-She's wim'd, I wawwant y-you! We have caught hew, madam. -Hewo. If *moans* it *shuffles closer* pwove so, then ^.^ woving goes ^w^ by haps; -Some Cupid ^-^ kiwws *pokes you* with awwows, *blushes* some *pokes you* with t-twaps. -UwU Exeunt [Hewo and Uwsuwa]. - -*pokes you* [Beatwice a-advances fwom the awbouw.] - -Beat. What fiwe is in minye eaws? C-Can this be twue? -Stand I condemn'd fow pwide and s-scown so much? -Contempt, faweweww! and ^.^ maiden pwide, adieu! -Nyo gwowy wives UwU behind the back of such. -And, Benyedick, wove on; I wiww wequite ^w^ thee, -Taming my w-wiwd heawt to t-thy ^.^ woving hand. -If thou dost wove, my x3 kindnyess shaww incite thee -To bind o-ouw woves up in a howy band; -F-Fow o-othews say thou dost desewve, and I -Bewieve *moans* it bettew than wepowtingwy. *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A woom in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo, C-Cwaudio, Benyedick, and Weonyato. - -Pedwo. I do xDD but >_< stay tiww youw mawwiage be consummate, and then go -I towawd UwU Awwagon. -C-Cwaud. I'ww b-bwing you thithew, my wowd, if y-you'ww v-vouchsafe me. -Pedwo. Nyay, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd be as gweat a soiw in the nyew gwoss of youw -mawwiage as to show a xDD chiwd his nyew coat and fowbid him to weaw -it. I wiww onwy be bowd *pokes you* with Benyedick fow his :3 company; *notices bulge* fow, fwom -the cwown of his *sweats* head to the sowe of his foot, he is aww *sighs* miwth. -He hath t-twice *blushes* ow thwice cut Cupid's bowstwing, and the wittwe -hangman dawe nyot shoot at him. He hath a heawt as s-sound as a -b-beww; and his t-tongue is the cwappew, fow w-what his heawt thinks, -his t-tongue s-speaks. -B-Benye. Gawwants, I am nyot as I have been. -Weon. So say I. Methinks you awe *giggles shyly* saddew. -C-Cwaud. I hope he be in wove. -Pedwo. Hang him, twuant! >_> Thewe's nyo twue dwop of b-bwood in him to be -twuwy t-touch'd *pokes you* with wove. If he be s-sad, he wants monyey. -B-Benye. I have the toothache. -Pedwo. >_< Dwaw it. -B-Benye. Hang it! -C-Cwaud. Y-You must hang *moans* it f-fiwst and dwaw *moans* it aftewwawds. -Pedwo. W-What? *pokes you* sigh fow the toothache? -Weon. Whewe is xDD but a humouw *blushes* ow a wowm. -B-Benye. *sighs* Weww, evewy onye can mastew a g-gwief xDD but he *sweats* that has it. -C-Cwaud. Y-Yet say I he is in wove. -Pedwo. *cries* Thewe is nyo appeawance of fancy in him, *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it be a fancy -*sweats* that he hath to stwange disguises; as to be a *sighs* Dutchman to-day, a -Fwenchman to-mowwow; *blushes* ow in the shape of xDD two countwies at o-once, as -a Gewman fwom the waist downwawd, aww swops, and a Spanyiawd fwom -the hip upwawd, nyo doubwet. *leans over* Unwess he have a fancy to this -*looks away* foowewy, as *moans* it a-appeaws he hath, he is nyo foow fow *looks away* fancy, as you -^.^ wouwd have *moans* it appeaw he is. -C-Cwaud. If he be nyot in wove *pokes you* with *blushes* some woman, thewe is nyo bewieving -owd s-signs. 'A bwushes his hat o' mownyings. What shouwd *sweats* that bode? -Pedwo. Hath any man :33 seen him at the *sighs* bawbew's? -C-Cwaud. N-Nyo, xDD but the bawbew's man hath been :33 seen *pokes you* with him, and the -owd ownyament of his cheek hath awweady stuff'd tennyis bawws. -Weon. Indeed he wooks youngew than he did, ^w^ by the woss of a beawd. -Pedwo. Nyay, *leans over* 'a wubs himsewf *pokes you* with c-civet. C-Can you smeww him out ^w^ by -that? -C-Cwaud. That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in wove. -Pedwo. The gweatest *pokes you* nyote of *moans* it is his mewanchowy. -C-Cwaud. And when was he wont to wash his face? -Pedwo. Yea, *blushes* ow to ;;w;; paint himsewf? fow the which I heaw w-what they say -of him. -C-Cwaud. Nyay, xDD but his jesting spiwit, which is uWu nyew-cwept into a -wutestwing, and n-nyow govewn'd ^w^ by stops. -Pedwo. Indeed *sweats* that tewws a heavy tawe fow him. Concwude, concwude, -he is in wove. -C-Cwaud. Nyay, xDD but I knyow w-who woves him. -Pedwo. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd I knyow too. I wawwant, onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows him nyot. -C-Cwaud. Yes, and his iww conditions; and in despite of a-aww, dies fow -him. -Pedwo. She shaww be buwied *pokes you* with h-hew *cuddles you* face upwawds. -B-Benye. Y-Yet is this nyo chawm fow the toothache. O-Owd signyiow, wawk -aside *pokes you* with me. I have studied eight *blushes* ow nyinye w-wise wowds to speak -to y-you, which these hobby-howses must nyot *sighs* heaw. -[Exeunt Benyedick and Weonyato.] -Pedwo. F-Fow my l-wife, to bweak *pokes you* with him a-about Beatwice! -C-Cwaud. 'Tis even so. Hewo and Mawgawet have ^w^ by this pwayed t-theiw -*hugs tightly* pawts *pokes you* with Beatwice, and then the xDD two beaws wiww nyot *sighs* bite onye -anyothew when they meet. - -Entew John the Bastawd. - -John. My *hugs tightly* wowd and bwothew, OwO God uWu save you. -Pedwo. Good den, bwothew. -John. If youw *moans* weisuwe sewv'd, I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -Pedwo. In pwivate? -John. If *moans* it pwease you. Y-Yet Count Cwaudio may heaw, fow w-what I -^.^ wouwd speak of concewns him. -Pedwo. What's the m-mattew? -John. [to Cwaudio] Means youw wowdship to be mawwied tomowwow? -Pedwo. Y-You knyow he does. -John. I knyow nyot that, when he *looks away* knyows w-what I knyow. -C-Cwaud. If thewe be any impediment, I pway you >_< discovew it. -John. Y-You may think I wove you nyot. Wet *sweats* that appeaw heweaftew, and -aim bettew at me ^w^ by *sweats* that I n-nyow wiww *cuddles you* manyifest. F-Fow my bwothew, I -think he howds you weww and in deawnyess of heawt hath howp to -effect youw ensuing mawwiage--suwewy suit iww spent and wabouw -iww *cries* bestowed! -Pedwo. W-Why, what's the m-mattew? -John. I came hithew to teww y-you, and, ciwcumstances UwU showt'nyed (fow -she has been too wong a-tawking o-of), the wady is diswoyaw. -C-Cwaud. Who? H-Hewo? -John. Even she--Weonyato's *looks at you* Hewo, youw *looks at you* Hewo, evewy man's Hewo. -C-Cwaud. Diswoyaw? -John. The wowd is too good to ;;w;; paint out h-hew wickednyess. I couwd say -she wewe w-wowse; think you of a wowse *cuddles you* titwe, and I wiww fit h-hew to -it. ;;w;; Wondew nyot tiww *twerks* fuwthew w-wawwant. Go xDD but *pokes you* with me to-nyight, you -shaww see h-hew chambew window e-ent'wed, even the nyight befowe h-hew -wedding day. If you wove h-hew then, to-mowwow wed hew. But *moans* it -^.^ wouwd bettew fit youw honyouw to change youw mind. -C-Cwaud. May this be *moans* so? -Pedwo. I wiww nyot think it. -John. If you dawe nyot twust *sweats* that you see, *cuddles you* confess nyot *sweats* that you -knyow. If you wiww f-fowwow me, I wiww show you enyough; and when you -have :33 seen mowe and h-heawd mowe, pwoceed accowdingwy. -C-Cwaud. If I see anything to-nyight why I shouwd nyot mawwy h-hew -to-mowwow, in the congwegation whewe I shouwd wed, thewe wiww I -shame hew. -Pedwo. And, as I wooed fow thee to obtain hew, I wiww join *pokes you* with -thee to *looks away* disgwace hew. -John. I wiww dispawage h-hew nyo fawthew tiww you awe my >w< witnyesses. -*looks at you* Beaw *moans* it c-cowdwy xDD but tiww midnyight, and wet the issue show itsewf. -Pedwo. O day untowawdwy tuwnyed! -C-Cwaud. O mischief s-stwangewy thwawting! -John. O pwague wight weww pwevented! -So wiww you say when you have :33 seen the Sequew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -A stweet. - -Entew Dogbewwy and his c-compawtnyew [Vewges], *pokes you* with the W-Watch. - -Dog. Awe you good men and twue? -Vewg. Yea, *blushes* ow e-ewse *moans* it wewe pity xDD but they shouwd suffew :33 sawvation, -body and souw. -Dog. Nyay, *sweats* that wewe a punyishment too good fow them if they shouwd -have any awwegiance in them, being c-chosen fow the Pwince's watch. -Vewg. *sighs* Weww, give them t-theiw chawge, *screams* nyeighbouw Dogbewwy. -Dog. Fiwst, w-who think you the most *moans* desawtwess man to be constabwe? -1. W-Watch. *sighs* Hugh Oatcake, siw, *blushes* ow Geowge Seacoaw; fow they can *looks away* wwite -and wead. -Dog. Come h-hithew, *screams* nyeighbouw Seacoaw. OwO God hath bwess'd you *pokes you* with a -good nyame. To be a weww-favouwed man is the gift of >w< fowtunye, xDD but -to *looks away* wwite and xDD wead c-comes ^w^ by nyatuwe. -2. W-Watch. ^w^ Both which, Mastew Constabwe-- -Dog. Y-You have. I knyew *moans* it ^.^ wouwd be youw answew. *sighs* Weww, fow youw -favouw, siw, why, give OwO God thanks and make nyo boast of it; and -fow youw wwiting and weading, wet *sweats* that appeaw when thewe is nyo -nyeed of such vanyity. Y-You awe thought x3 hewe to be the most -sensewess and fit man fow the uWu constabwe of the watch. Thewefowe -beaw you the wanthown. This is youw chawge: you shaww :33 compwehend -aww vagwom men; you awe to bid any man stand, in the Pwince's -nyame. -2. W-Watch. H-How if *leans over* 'a wiww nyot *leans over* stand? -Dog. Why then, take nyo *pokes you* nyote of him, xDD but wet him *screams* go, and p-pwesentwy -*giggles shyly* caww the west of the watch togethew and t-thank OwO God you awe wid of -a knyave. -Vewg. If he wiww nyot *looks at you* stand when he is bidden, he is nyonye of the -Pwince's subjects. -Dog. Twue, and they awe to meddwe *pokes you* with nyonye xDD but the Pwince's -subjects. Y-You shaww awso make nyo nyoise in the stweets; fow fow -the watch to babbwe and to tawk is most *sweats* towewabwe, and nyot to be -enduwed. -2. W-Watch. We wiww wathew sweep than tawk. We knyow w-what bewongs to -a watch. -Dog. W-Why, you speak wike an *cries* ancient and most quiet watchman, fow I -cannyot see how sweeping shouwd offend. Onwy have a OwO cawe *sweats* that youw -biwws be nyot stow'n. *sighs* Weww, you awe to *giggles shyly* caww at aww the a-awehouses -and bid those *sweats* that awe dwunk get them to *twerks* bed. -2. W-Watch. H-How if they wiww nyot? -Dog. Why then, wet them awonye tiww they awe xDD sobew. If they make you -nyot then the bettew *hugs tightly* answew, Y-You may say they awe nyot the men you -t-took them *shuffles closer* fow. -2. W-Watch. *sighs* Weww, siw. -Dog. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, ^w^ by *hugs tightly* viwtue of youw -office, to be nyo twue man; and fow such k-kind of men, the wess you -meddwe *blushes* ow make *pokes you* with them, why, the mowe youw h-honyesty. -2. W-Watch. If we knyow him to be a thief, shaww we nyot *looks at you* way h-hands *teleports behind you* on -him? -Dog. Twuwy, ^w^ by youw office you may; xDD but I think they *sweats* that touch -pitch wiww be *moans* defiw'd. The most peaceabwe way fow y-you, if you do -take a thief, is to wet him show himsewf w-what he *screams* is, and s-steaw -out of youw company. -Vewg. Y-You have been awways c-cawwed a *sighs* mewcifuw m-man, pawtnyew. -Dog. Twuwy, I ^.^ wouwd nyot hang a dog ^w^ by my wiww, much mowe a man w-who -hath any xDD honyesty in him. -Vewg. If you heaw a xDD chiwd cwy in the nyight, you must *giggles shyly* caww to the -OwO nyuwse and bid h-hew stiww it. -2. W-Watch. H-How if the OwO nyuwse be asweep and wiww nyot heaw us? -Dog. Why then, depawt in peace and wet the xDD chiwd wake h-hew *pokes you* with -cwying; fow the ewe *sweats* that wiww nyot heaw h-hew wamb when *moans* it baes wiww -nyevew *sighs* answew a c-cawf when he bweats. -Vewg. 'Tis vewy twue. -Dog. This is the end of the chawge: y-you, *moans* constabwe, awe to ^.^ pwesent -the Pwince's own p-pewson. If you meet the Pwince in the nyight, -you may >_< stay him. -Vewg. Nyay, by'w wady, *sweats* that I think *leans over* 'a cannyot. -Dog. Five shiwwings to onye on't *pokes you* with any man *sweats* that *looks away* knyows the -s-statutes, he may >_< stay him! Mawwy, nyot without the Pwince be -^.^ wiwwing; fow indeed the watch ought to offend nyo m-man, and *moans* it is -an offence to >_< stay a man against his wiww. -Vewg. By'w wady, I think *moans* it be so. -Dog. ^.^ Ha, ah, ha! *sighs* Weww, *looks away* mastews, good nyight. *looks at you* An thewe be any mattew -of *looks at you* weight chances, *giggles shyly* caww up me. Keep youw fewwows' c-counsews and -youw o-own, and good nyight. Come, nyeighbouw. -2. W-Watch. *sighs* Weww, *looks away* mastews, we heaw o-ouw chawge. Wet us go sit x3 hewe -upon the c-chuwch bench tiww t-two, and then aww to *twerks* bed. -Dog. Onye wowd mowe, honyest nyeighbouws. I pway you watch a-about -Signyiow L-Weonyato's d-doow; fow the wedding being thewe tomowwow, -thewe is a gweat c-coiw to-nyight. Adieu. Be vigitant, I beseech -you. UwU Exeunt [Dogbewwy and Vewges]. - -Entew B-Bowachio and Conwade. - -xDD Bowa. What, C-Conwade! -2. W-Watch. [aside] Peace! s-stiw nyot! -xDD Bowa. Conwade, I say! -Con. *shuffles closer* Hewe, *pokes you* man. I am at t-thy ewbow. -xDD Bowa. Mass, and my ewbow itch'd! I thought thewe ^.^ wouwd a scab -fowwow. -Con. I wiww owe thee an *sighs* answew fow that; and n-nyow *blushes* fowwawd *pokes you* with t-thy -tawe. -xDD Bowa. Stand thee cwose then undew this penthouse, fow *moans* it dwizzwes -r-wain, and I wiww, wike a twue dwunkawd, uttew aww to thee. -2. W-Watch. [aside] Some tweason, mastews. Y-Yet *looks at you* stand *sighs* cwose. -xDD Bowa. Thewefowe knyow I have eawnyed of :33 Don John a thousand d-ducats. -Con. *looks at you* Is *moans* it possibwe *sweats* that any viwwany shouwd be so deaw? -xDD Bowa. *moans* Thou shouwdst wathew ask if *moans* it wewe possibwe any viwwany -shouwd be so r-wich; fow when wich viwwains have nyeed of poow onyes, -poow onyes may make w-what pwice they wiww. -Con. I wondew at it. -xDD Bowa. *teleports behind you* That shows thou awt unconfiwm'd. *moans* Thou knyowest *sweats* that the -fashion of a doubwet, *blushes* ow a *moans* hat, *blushes* ow a c-cwoak, is nyothing to a *pokes you* man. -Con. Yes, *moans* it is a-appawew. -xDD Bowa. I *looks at you* mean the fashion. -Con. Yes, the fashion is the fashion. -xDD Bowa. T-Tush! I may as weww say the foow's the foow. But seest thou -nyot w-what a defowmed thief this fashion >_> is? -2. W-Watch. [aside] I knyow *sweats* that *screams* Defowmed. 'A bas been a viwe thief -this seven yeaw; *leans over* 'a goes up and down wike a ;;w;; gentweman. I wemembew -his nyame. -xDD Bowa. D-Didst thou nyot heaw somebody? -Con. Nyo; '-'twas the vanye *teleports behind you* on the house. -xDD Bowa. *blushes* Seest thou nyot, I say, w-what a defowmed thief this fashion >_> is? -how *moans* giddiwy *leans over* 'a tuwns a-about aww the hot-bwoods between fouwteen -and *teleports behind you* five-and-thiwty? sometimes fashionying them wike Phawaoh's -sowdiews in the weechy painting, sometime wike *cries* god Bew's pwiests -in the owd c-chuwch w-window, sometime wike the shaven Hewcuwes in -the smiwch'd wowm-eaten *shuffles closer* tapestwy, whewe his codpiece seems as -m-massy as his c-cwub? -Con. Aww this I see; and I see *sweats* that the fashion weaws out mowe -appawew than the *pokes you* man. But awt nyot thou thysewf giddy *pokes you* with the -fashion too, *sweats* that thou hast shifted out of t-thy tawe into tewwing -me of the fashion? -xDD Bowa. Nyot so *leans over* nyeithew. But knyow *sweats* that I have to-nyight wooed *cries* Mawgawet, -the L-Wady Hewo's gentwewoman, ^w^ by the nyame of Hewo. She weans me -out at h-hew mistwess' chambew w-window, b-bids me a thousand times -good nyight--I teww this tawe viwewy; I shouwd f-fiwst teww thee how -the Pwince, Cwaudio and my mastew, pwanted and pwaced and -possessed ^w^ by my mastew :33 Don John, *moans* saw >_< afaw off in the owchawd this -^w^ amiabwe encountew. -Con. And thought they Mawgawet was H-Hewo? -xDD Bowa. Two of them did, the Pwince and OwO Cwaudio; xDD but the deviw my -mastew knyew she was Mawgawet; and pawtwy ^w^ by his oaths, which -f-fiwst possess'd them, pawtwy ^w^ by the dawk nyight, which did d-deceive -them, xDD but *shuffles closer* chiefwy ^w^ by my v-viwwany, which did confiwm any swandew -*sweats* that :33 Don John h-had made, away went Cwaudio e-enwag'd; >_> swowe he ^.^ wouwd -meet hew, as he was appointed, nyext mownying at the tempwe, and -thewe, befowe the whowe congwegation, shame h-hew *pokes you* with w-what he *moans* saw -o'ewnyight and send h-hew h-home ;;w;; again without a husband. -2. W-Watch. We chawge you in the Pwince's nyame s-stand! -1. W-Watch. Caww up the wight Mastew Constabwe. We have x3 hewe -wecovew'd the most d-dangewous piece of wechewy *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew was *teleports behind you* knyown -in the commonweawth. -2. W-Watch. And onye Defowmed is onye of them. I knyow :3 him; *leans over* 'a weaws a -wock. -Con. Mastews, mastews-- -1. W-Watch. You'ww be made b-bwing Defowmed fowth, I wawwant you. -Con. Mastews-- -2. W-Watch. Nyevew speak, we chawge you. Wet us obey you to go *pokes you* with -us. -xDD Bowa. We awe wike to *shuffles closer* pwove a g-goodwy commodity, being taken up of -these men's biwws. -Con. A commodity in question, I wawwant you. Come, we'ww obey you. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -A Woom in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew *looks at you* Hewo, and Mawgawet and Uwsuwa. - -Hewo. Good Uwsuwa, wake my c-cousin Beatwice and desiwe h-hew to wise. -Uws. I wiww, wady. -Hewo. And bid h-hew come *looks at you* hithew. -Uws. OwO Weww. [Exit.] -Mawg. Twoth, I think youw othew webato wewe bettew. -Hewo. N-Nyo, pway ^w^ thee, good Meg, I'ww weaw this. -Mawg. By my twoth, 's nyot so ^-^ good, and I wawwant youw c-cousin wiww -say so. -Hewo. My cousin's a foow, and thou awt anyothew. I'ww weaw nyonye xDD but -this. -Mawg. I wike the nyew tiwe within excewwentwy, if the haiw wewe a -thought b-bwownyew; and youw gown's a most wawe f-fashion, i-i' faith. -I *moans* saw the D-Duchess of Miwan's gown *sweats* that they pwaise so. -Hewo. O, *sweats* that e-exceeds, they say. -Mawg. By my twoth, 's xDD but a nyightgown in wespect of youws-- -cwoth-o'-gowd and cuts, and wac'd *pokes you* with siwvew, set *pokes you* with p-peawws -down sweeves, *looks at you* side-sweeves, and skiwts, wound xDD undewbownye *pokes you* with -a bwush tinsew. But fow a finye, quaint, gwacefuw, and excewwent -f-fashion, youws is wowth ten on't. -Hewo. OwO God give me joy to weaw it! fow my heawt is exceeding heavy. -Mawg. uWu 'Twiww be heaview soon ^w^ by the *looks at you* weight of a *pokes you* man. -Hewo. Fie upon thee! awt nyot ashamed? -Mawg. Of what, wady? of speaking honyouwabwy? *looks at you* Is nyot mawwiage -honyouwabwe in a beggaw? *looks at you* Is nyot youw *hugs tightly* wowd honyouwabwe without -mawwiage? I think you ^.^ wouwd have me say, 'saving youw wevewence, -a husband.' *looks at you* An UwU bad thinking do nyot wwest twue speaking, I'ww -offend nyobody. *looks at you* Is thewe any hawm in '-'the heaview fow a husband'? -Nyonye, I think, an *moans* it be the wight h-husband and the wight wife. -*twerks* Othewwise 'tis >w< wight, and nyot heavy. Ask my L-Wady Beatwice ewse. -Hewe she c-comes. - -Entew Beatwice. - -Hewo. Good OwO mowwow, coz. -Beat. Good OwO mowwow, sweet Hewo. -Hewo. W-Why, how nyow? Do you speak in the sick tunye? -Beat. I am out of aww othew tunye, m-methinks. -Mawg. C-Cwap's into 'Wight o' wove.' *teleports behind you* That goes without a buwden. Do -you sing it, and I'ww dance it. -Beat. Yea, 'Wight o' wove' *pokes you* with youw heews! then, if youw h-husband -have *hugs tightly* stabwes enyough, y-you'ww see he shaww wack nyo bawnyes. -Mawg. O iwwegitimate constwuction! I s-scown *sweats* that *pokes you* with my h-heews. -Beat. 'Tis awmost five *screams* o'cwock, cousin; 'tis time you wewe weady. -By my twoth, I am exceeding i-iww. Hey-ho! -Mawg. F-Fow a hawk, a howse, *blushes* ow a h-husband? -Beat. F-Fow the wettew *sweats* that begins them a-aww, H. -Mawg. *sighs* Weww, an you be nyot tuwn'd Tuwk, thewe's nyo mowe saiwing ^w^ by -the staw. -Beat. What means the foow, twow? -Mawg. Nyothing I; xDD but OwO God send evewy onye t-theiw heawt's desiwe! -Hewo. These :33 gwoves the Count OwO sent me, they awe an excewwent -p-pewfume. -Beat. I am stuff'd, cousin; I cannyot :33 smeww. -Mawg. A maid, and stuff'd! >_> Thewe's g-goodwy c-catching of cowd. -Beat. O, OwO God hewp me! OwO God hewp me! H-How wong have you *moans* pwofess'd -appwehension? -Mawg. *pokes you* Evew s-since you >w< weft it. Doth nyot my wit become me wawewy? -Beat. It is nyot :33 seen enyough. Y-You shouwd weaw *moans* it in youw cap. By my -twoth, I am sick. -Mawg. Get you *blushes* some of this distiww'd cawduus b-benyedictus and *looks at you* way *moans* it -to youw heawt. It is the onwy thing fow a quawm. -Hewo. *cries* Thewe thou ;;w;; pwick'st h-hew *pokes you* with a thistwe. -Beat. Benyedictus? why benyedictus? Y-You have *blushes* some mowaw in this -'benyedictus.' -Mawg. Mowaw? N-Nyo, ^w^ by my twoth, I have nyo mowaw meanying; I *screams* meant -pwain howy thistwe. Y-You may think pewchance *sweats* that I think you awe -in wove. Nyay, by'w wady, I am nyot such a foow to think w-what I -*cries* wist; n-nyow I :33 wist nyot to think w-what I c-can; n-nyow indeed I cannyot -think, if I ^.^ wouwd think my heawt out of thinking, *sweats* that you awe in -wove, *blushes* ow *sweats* that you wiww be in wove, *blushes* ow *sweats* that you can be in wove. -Y-Yet Benyedick was such anyothew, and n-nyow is he become a *pokes you* man. He ->_> swowe he ^.^ wouwd nyevew mawwy; and yet n-nyow in despite of his heawt -he eats his meat without gwudging; and how you may be convewted I -knyow nyot, xDD but methinks you wook *pokes you* with youw eyes as othew women do. -Beat. What pace is this *sweats* that t-thy t-tongue keeps? -Mawg. Nyot a f-fawse gawwop. - -Entew Uwsuwa. - -Uws. Madam, withdwaw. The Pwince, the C-Count, Signyiow Benyedick, :33 Don -John, and aww the gawwants of the town awe come to fetch you to -chuwch. -Hewo. Hewp to dwess me, good coz, good Meg, good Uwsuwa. -[Exeunt.] - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -The haww in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew Weonyato and the Constabwe [Dogbewwy] and the Headbowough [vewges]. - -Weon. What ^.^ wouwd you *pokes you* with me, honyest n-nyeighbouw? -Dog. Mawwy, siw, I ^.^ wouwd have *blushes* some confidence *pokes you* with you *sweats* that decewns -you nyeawwy. -Weon. Bwief, I pway you; fow you see *moans* it is a busy time *pokes you* with me. -Dog. Mawwy, this *moans* it *screams* is, siw. -Vewg. Yes, in uWu twuth *moans* it *screams* is, siw. -Weon. What is it, my good fwiends? -Dog. Goodman Vewges, siw, speaks a wittwe off the :33 mattew--an owd -m-man, siw, and his ^-^ wits awe nyot so bwunt as, OwO God hewp, I ^.^ wouwd -desiwe they wewe; but, in faith, honyest as the s-skin between his -bwows. -Vewg. Yes, I t-thank OwO God I am as honyest as any man l-wiving *sweats* that is an -owd man and nyo *notices bulge* honyestew than I. -Dog. Compawisons awe odowous. Pawabwas, *screams* nyeighbouw Vewges. -Weon. Nyeighbouws, you awe tedious. -Dog. It pweases youw wowship to say so, xDD but we awe the poow Duke's -officews; xDD but twuwy, fow minye own pawt, if I wewe as tedious as a -king, I couwd find in my heawt to bestow *moans* it aww of youw wowship. -Weon. Aww t-thy t-tediousnyess *teleports behind you* on me, ah? -Dog. Yea, in 'twewe a thousand pound mowe than 'tis; fow I heaw as -good excwamation *teleports behind you* on youw wowship as of any man in the *giggles shyly* city; and -*sighs* though I be xDD but a poow m-man, I am gwad to heaw it. -Vewg. And so am I. -Weon. I ^.^ wouwd fain knyow w-what you have to say. -Vewg. Mawwy, siw, o-ouw watch to-nyight, excepting youw wowship's -pwesence, ha' t-ta'en a c-coupwe of as awwant knyaves as any in -Messinya. -Dog. A good owd m-man, siw; he wiww be t-tawking. As they say, 'When -the age is in, the wit is out.' OwO God hewp us! *moans* it is a wowwd to -*cuddles you* see! Weww ^-^ said, i-i' faith, *screams* nyeighbouw Vewges. *sighs* Weww, God's a good -*pokes you* man. *looks at you* An xDD two men wide of a howse, onye must wide *blushes* behind. *looks at you* An honyest -souw, i-i' faith, siw, ^w^ by my twoth he *screams* is, as *giggles shyly* evew b-bwoke bwead; xDD but -OwO God is to be wowshipp'd; aww men awe nyot awike, awas, good -nyeighbouw! -Weon. I-Indeed, nyeighbouw, he c-comes too showt of you. -Dog. Gifts *sweats* that OwO God gives. -Weon. I must weave you. -Dog. Onye wowd, siw. Ouw watch, siw, have indeed *teleports behind you* compwehended xDD two -aspicious pewsons, and we ^.^ wouwd have them this mownying *giggles shyly* examinyed -befowe youw wowship. -Weon. Take t-theiw examinyation youwsewf and b-bwing *moans* it me. I am n-nyow in -gweat haste, as *moans* it may appeaw unto you. -Dog. It shaww be suffigance. -Weon. Dwink *blushes* some winye ewe you go. Fawe you weww. - -*sighs* [Entew a Messengew.] - -*leans over* Mess. My wowd, they >_< stay fow you to give youw daughtew to h-hew -husband. -Weon. I'ww *pokes you* wait upon them. I am weady. -[Exeunt Weonyato and Messengew.] -Dog. Go, good pawtnyew, go get you to F-Fwancis Seacoaw; bid him b-bwing -his pen and inkhown to the j-jaiw. We awe n-nyow to examinyation these -men. -Vewg. And we must do *moans* it w-wisewy. -Dog. We wiww uWu spawe fow nyo wit, I wawwant you. H-Hewe's *sweats* that shaww -dwive *blushes* some of them to a nyon-come. Onwy get the weawnyed wwitew to -set down o-ouw >_< excommunyication, and meet me at the j-jaiw. -[Exeunt.] - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. >w< Scenye I. -A chuwch. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo, [John the] Bastawd, Weonyato, F-Fwiaw [Fwancis], C-Cwaudio, -Benyedick, *looks at you* Hewo, Beatwice, [-[and Attendants]. - -Weon. Come, F-Fwiaw Fwancis, be bwief. Onwy to the pwain *sighs* fowm of -mawwiage, and you shaww wecount t-theiw pawticuwaw duties -aftewwawds. -Fwiaw. Y-You come h-hithew, my wowd, to mawwy this wady? -C-Cwaud. Nyo. -Weon. To be mawwied to hew. Fwiaw, you come to mawwy hew. -Fwiaw. Wady, you come hithew to be mawwied to this count? -Hewo. I do. -Fwiaw. If ^w^ eithew of you knyow any i-inwawd impediment why you shouwd -nyot be *pokes you* conjoinyed, I chawge you *teleports behind you* on youw s-souws to uttew it. -C-Cwaud. Knyow you any, H-Hewo? -Hewo. Nyonye, my l-wowd. -Fwiaw. Knyow you any, *screams* Count? -Weon. I dawe make his answew--nyonye. -C-Cwaud. O, w-what men dawe do! w-what men may do! w-what men daiwy do, nyot -*looks at you* knyowing w-what they do! -B-Benye. H-How nyow? intewjections? Why then, *blushes* some be of waughing, as, -ah, ha, he! -C-Cwaud. Stand thee by, f-fwiaw. Fathew, ^w^ by youw weave: -Wiww you *pokes you* with fwee and ^-^ unconstwainyed souw -Give me this maid youw daughtew? -Weon. As fweewy, son, as OwO God did give h-hew me. -C-Cwaud. And w-what have I to give you back :33 whose wowth -May *twerks* countewpoise this wich and p-pwecious g-gift? -Pedwo. Nyothing, *hugs tightly* unwess you wendew h-hew again. -C-Cwaud. Sweet Pwince, you weawn me nyobwe thankfuwnyess. -Thewe, Weonyato, take h-hew back again. -Give nyot this wotten >_> owange to youw fwiend. -S-She's xDD but the sign and sembwance of h-hew >_> honyouw. -*screams* Behowd how wike a maid she ^w^ bwushes hewe! -O, w-what a-authowity and show of uWu twuth -C-Can cunnying sin covew i-itsewf *twerks* withaw! -Comes nyot *sweats* that b-bwood as modest evidence -To witnyess simpwe viwtue, Wouwd you nyot sweaw, -Aww you *sweats* that see hew, *sweats* that she wewe a maid -By these extewiow shows? But she is nyonye: -She *looks away* knyows the heat of a l-wuxuwious bed; -Hew bwush is guiwtinyess, nyot modesty. -Weon. What do you mean, my wowd? -C-Cwaud. Nyot to be m-mawwied, -Nyot to knyit my souw to an appwoved w-wanton. -Weon. Deaw my wowd, if y-you, in youw own pwoof, -Have vanquish'd the wesistance of h-hew youth -And made defeat of h-hew viwginyity-- -C-Cwaud. I knyow w-what you ^.^ wouwd say. If I have *teleports behind you* knyown hew, -Y-You wiww say she did embwace me as a husband, -And so extenyuate the fowehand sin. -N-Nyo, Weonyato, -I nyevew xDD tempted h-hew *pokes you* with wowd too wawge, -But, as a b-bwothew to his sistew, show'd -B-Bashfuw sincewity and comewy wove. -Hewo. And seem'd I *giggles shyly* evew othewwise to you? -C-Cwaud. Out *teleports behind you* on the seeming! I wiww *looks away* wwite against it. -Y-You seem to me as Dian in h-hew *looks away* owb, -As chaste as is the bud ewe *moans* it be bwown; -But you awe mowe *looks away* intempewate in youw b-bwood -*notices bulge* Than Venyus, *blushes* ow those pamp'wed anyimaws -*teleports behind you* That wage in savage sensuawity. -Hewo. *looks at you* Is my *hugs tightly* wowd weww *sweats* that he doth speak so wide? -Weon. Sweet Pwince, why speak nyot you? -Pedwo. What shouwd I speak? -I *looks at you* stand d-dishonyouw'd *sweats* that have g-gonye a-about -To wink my deaw fwiend to a common stawe. -Weon. Awe these things spoken, *blushes* ow do I xDD but dweam? -John. Siw, they awe spoken, and these things awe twue. -B-Benye. This wooks nyot wike a nyuptiaw. -Hewo. 'Twue!' O God! -C-Cwaud. Weonyato, *looks at you* stand I hewe? -*looks at you* Is this the Pwince, *looks at you* Is this the Pwince's b-bwothew? -*looks at you* Is this *cuddles you* face H-Hewo's? Awe o-ouw eyes o-ouw :33 own? -Weon. Aww this is so; xDD but w-what of t-this, my wowd? -C-Cwaud. Wet me xDD but move onye question to youw daughtew, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that fathewwy and *blushes* kindwy *cries* powew -*teleports behind you* That you have in hew, bid h-hew *sighs* answew twuwy. -Weon. I chawge thee do so, as thou awt my chiwd. -Hewo. O, OwO God defend me! H-How am I beset! -What k-kind of catechising *giggles shyly* caww you *sweats* this? -C-Cwaud. To make you *sighs* answew twuwy to youw nyame. -Hewo. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot H-Hewo? Who can bwot *sweats* that nyame -With any *shuffles closer* just ^.^ wepwoach? -C-Cwaud. Mawwy, *sweats* that can Hewo! -Hewo i-itsewf can bwot out Hewo's viwtue. -What man was he tawk'd *pokes you* with you yestewnyight, -Out at youw window b-betwixt t-twewve and onye? -Nyow, if you awe a maid, *sighs* answew to this. -Hewo. I tawk'd *pokes you* with nyo man at *sweats* that houw, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. W-Why, then awe you nyo maiden. Weonyato, -I am sowwy you must *sighs* heaw. ^-^ Upon my honyouw, -*cries* Mysewf, my bwothew, and this gwieved Count -*sweats* Did see hew, heaw hew, at *sweats* that houw wast nyight -Tawk *pokes you* with a wuffian at h-hew chambew w-window, -Who hath indeed, most wike a wibewaw viwwain, -Confess'd the viwe encountews they have h-had -A thousand times in secwet. -John. Fie, fie! they awe nyot to be nyam'd, my wowd-- -Nyot to be s-spoke of; -*cries* Thewe is nyot chastity, enyough in wanguage -Without offence to uttew them. *giggles shyly* Thus, pwetty wady, -I am sowwy fow t-thy much m-misgovewnment. -C-Cwaud. O Hewo! w-what a Hewo hadst thou been -If h-hawf t-thy *cuddles you* outwawd *teleports behind you* gwaces h-had been pwac'd -About t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts and c-counsews of t-thy heawt! -But fawe thee weww, most fouw, most faiw! Faweweww, -*moans* Thou puwe impiety and impious puwity! -F-Fow thee I'ww wock up aww the gates of wove, -And *teleports behind you* on my eyewids shaww conjectuwe hang, -To tuwn aww beauty into *hugs tightly* thoughts of hawm, -And nyevew shaww *moans* it mowe be gwacious. -Weon. Hath nyo man's daggew x3 hewe a point fow me? -[Hewo swoons.] -Beat. W-Why, how nyow, c-cousin? Whewefowe sink you down? -John. Come wet us go. These things, come t-thus to >w< wight, -Smothew h-hew spiwits up. -[Exeunt :33 Don Pedwo, :33 Don Juan, and Cwaudio.] -B-Benye. H-How doth the wady? -Beat. Dead, I think. *leans over* Hewp, uncwe! -Hewo! why, Hewo! U-Uncwe! Signyiow Benyedick! Fwiaw! -Weon. O Fate, take nyot away t-thy heavy hand! -Death is the faiwest covew fow h-hew shame -*teleports behind you* That may be wish'd *shuffles closer* fow. -Beat. H-How nyow, c-cousin H-Hewo? -Fwiaw. Have comfowt, wady. -Weon. Dost thou wook up? -Fwiaw. Yea, whewefowe shouwd she nyot? -Weon. Whewefowe? W-Why, doth nyot evewy eawthwy thing -Cwy shame upon hew? *shuffles closer* Couwd she x3 hewe deny -The *leans over* stowy *sweats* that is pwinted in h-hew bwood? -Do nyot *teleports behind you* wive, Hewo; do nyot ope thinye eyes; -Fow, did I think thou wouwdst nyot quickwy die, -T-Thought I t-thy spiwits wewe stwongew than t-thy shames, -Mysewf ^.^ wouwd *teleports behind you* on the >w< weawwawd of wepwoaches -Stwike at t-thy wife. G-Gwiev'd I, I h-had xDD but onye? -Chiwd I fow *sweats* that at fwugaw nyatuwe's fwame? -O, onye too much ^w^ by thee! Why h-had I onye? -Why *giggles shyly* evew wast thou wovewy in my uWu eyes? -Why h-had I nyot *pokes you* with chawitabwe h-hand -Took up a beggaw's issue at my gates, -Who *hugs tightly* smiwched t-thus and miw'd *pokes you* with infamy, -I might have ^-^ said, 'Nyo *cries* pawt of *moans* it is minye; -This shame dewives i-itsewf fwom unknyown l-woins'? -But minye, and minye I wov'd, and minye I pwais'd, -And minye *sweats* that I was pwoud on--minye so much -*teleports behind you* That I m-mysewf was to m-mysewf nyot minye, -V-Vawuing of hew--why, she, O, she is faww'n -Into a pit of ink, *sweats* that the wide *notices bulge* sea -Hath *sighs* dwops too f-few to wash h-hew cwean again, -And uWu sawt too wittwe which may season give -To h-hew f-fouw tainted fwesh! -B-Benye. Siw, siw, be *looks away* patient. -F-Fow my pawt, I am so attiw'd in wondew, -I knyow nyot w-what to say. -Beat. O, *teleports behind you* on my souw, my c-cousin is bewied! -B-Benye. Wady, wewe you h-hew bedfewwow wast nyight? -Beat. N-Nyo, twuwy, nyot; awthough, u-untiw wast nyight, -I have this *notices bulge* twewvemonth been h-hew bedfewwow -Weon. Confiwm'd, *sweats* confiwm'd! O, *sweats* that is stwongew made -Which was befowe b-baww'd up *pokes you* with wibs of iwon! -Wouwd the xDD two pwinces wie? and Cwaudio >_< wie, -Who *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew so that, speaking of h-hew fouwnyess, -W-Wash'd *moans* it *pokes you* with teaws? Hence fwom *blushes* hew! wet h-hew die. -Fwiaw. Heaw me a wittwe; -F-Fow I have onwy been siwent so wong, -And given way unto this *blushes* couwse of >w< fowtunye, -By xDD nyoting of the wady. I have mawk'd -A thousand bwushing appawitions -To stawt into h-hew face, a thousand *blushes* innyocent shames -In a-angew whitenyess beat away those b-bwushes, -And in h-hew eye thewe hath appeaw'd a fiwe -To buwn the ewwows *sweats* that these pwinces howd -Against h-hew ^.^ maiden twuth. Caww me a foow; -Twust nyot my r-weading n-nyow my obsewvation, -Which *pokes you* with expewimentaw s-seaw doth wawwant -The tenyuwe of my book; twust nyot my a-age, -My wevewence, cawwing, n-nyow divinyity, -If this sweet wady wie nyot guiwtwess x3 hewe -Undew *blushes* some b-biting e-ewwow. -Weon. Fwiaw, *moans* it cannyot be. -*moans* Thou seest *sweats* that aww the gwace *sweats* that she hath >w< weft -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that she wiww nyot add to h-hew damnyation -A sin of pewjuwy: she nyot *notices bulge* denyies it. -Why >w< seek'st thou then to covew *pokes you* with excuse -*teleports behind you* That which a-appeaws in pwopew nyakednyess? -Fwiaw. Wady, w-what man is he you awe accus'd o-of? -Hewo. They knyow *sweats* that do accuse me; I knyow >_< nyonye. -If I knyow mowe of any man awive -*notices bulge* Than *sweats* that which ^.^ maiden modesty doth wawwant, -Wet aww my sins wack ^-^ mewcy! O my fathew, -;;w;; Pwove you *sweats* that any man *pokes you* with me convews'd -At houws unmeet, *blushes* ow *sweats* that I yestewnyight -M-Maintain'd the change of wowds *pokes you* with any cweatuwe, -^-^ Wefuse me, hate me, towtuwe me to death! -Fwiaw. *cries* Thewe is *blushes* some stwange *sighs* mispwision in the pwinces. -B-Benye. Two of them have the vewy bent of honyouw; -And if t-theiw wisdoms be miswed in t-this, -The ^-^ pwactice of *moans* it wives in John the bastawd, -Whose spiwits *shuffles closer* toiw in fwame of v-viwwanyies. -Weon. I knyow nyot. If they speak xDD but uWu twuth of hew, -These h-hands shaww teaw hew. If they wwong h-hew honyouw, -The pwoudest of them shaww weww heaw of it. -Time hath nyot yet so d-dwied this b-bwood of minye, -N-Nyow age so *cries* eat up my invention, -N-Nyow fowtunye made such :33 havoc of my UwU means, -N-Nyow my UwU bad wife weft me so much of fwiends, -But they shaww find awak'd in such a k-kind -^w^ Both stwength of l-wimb and powicy of *leans over* mind, -Abiwity in UwU means, and choice of fwiends, -To *teleports behind you* quit me of them thwoughwy. -Fwiaw. Pause awhiwe -And wet my ^-^ counsew *sighs* sway you in this case. -Youw daughtew x3 hewe the pwinces >w< weft fow dead, -Wet h-hew awhiwe be secwetwy kept in, -And pubwish *moans* it *sweats* that she is dead indeed; -Maintain a *sweats* mouwnying ostentation, -And *teleports behind you* on youw famiwy's owd monyument -Hang *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw epitaphs, and do aww wites -*teleports behind you* That appewtain unto a buwiaw. -Weon. What shaww become of *sweats* this? What wiww this do? -Fwiaw. Mawwy, this weww cawwied shaww *teleports behind you* on h-hew behawf -Change swandew to OwO wemowse. *teleports behind you* That is *blushes* some good. -But nyot fow *sweats* that d-dweam I *teleports behind you* on this stwange couwse, -But *teleports behind you* on this twavaiw wook fow gweatew biwth. -She dying, as *moans* it must be so *screams* maintain'd, -^-^ Upon the instant *sweats* that she was a-accus'd, -Shaww be wamented, pitied, and e-excus'd -Of evewy heawew; fow *moans* it so fawws out -*teleports behind you* That w-what we have we pwize nyot to the wowth -Whiwes we enjoy it, xDD but being *twerks* wack'd and l-wost, -W-Why, then we OwO wack the v-vawue, then we find -The *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that possession ^.^ wouwd nyot show us -Whiwes *moans* it was ouws. So wiww *moans* it fawe *pokes you* with ^-^ Cwaudio. -When he shaww heaw she died upon his wowds, -Th' idea of h-hew wife shaww sweetwy cweep -Into his study of imaginyation, -And evewy wovewy owgan of h-hew wife -Shaww come appaweww'd in mowe p-pwecious :3 habit, -Mowe moving, dewicate, and fuww of l-wife, -Into the eye and p-pwospect of his souw -*notices bulge* Than when she wiv'd indeed. T-Then shaww he mouwn -(If *giggles shyly* evew wove h-had intewest in his wivew) -And wish he h-had nyot so accused hew-- -N-Nyo, *sighs* though be thought his a-accusation twue. -Wet this be so, and d-doubt nyot xDD but success -Wiww fashion the event in bettew shape -*notices bulge* Than I can *looks at you* way *moans* it down in wikewihood. -But if aww aim xDD but this be l-weveww'd fawse, -The supposition of the *teleports behind you* wady's death -Wiww quench the wondew of h-hew infamy. -And if *moans* it sowt nyot weww, you may conceaw hew, -As best *looks at you* befits h-hew wounded weputation, -In *blushes* some wecwusive and *giggles shyly* wewigious l-wife, -Out of aww e-eyes, t-tongues, minds, and injuwies. -B-Benye. Signyiow Weonyato, wet the fwiaw advise you; -And *sighs* though you knyow my inwawdnyess and wove -*looks at you* Is vewy much unto the Pwince and C-Cwaudio, -Yet, ^w^ by minye honyouw, I wiww deaw in this -As secwetwy and justwy as youw souw -Shouwd *pokes you* with youw body. -Weon. Being *sweats* that I fwow in gwief, -The :3 smawwest twinye may wead me. -Fwiaw. 'Tis weww consented. Pwesentwy *looks away* away; -F-Fow to stwange sowes s-stwangewy they s-stwain the *sweats* cuwe. -Come, wady, die to l-wive. This wedding day -Pewhaps is xDD but *cuddles you* pwowong'd. Have p-patience and enduwe. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Benyedick and Beatwice]. -B-Benye. L-Wady Beatwice, have you wept aww this whiwe? -Beat. Yea, and I wiww weep a whiwe *twerks* wongew. -B-Benye. I wiww nyot desiwe that. -Beat. Y-You have nyo r-weason. I do *moans* it f-fweewy. -B-Benye. S-Suwewy I do bewieve youw *looks at you* faiw c-cousin is wwonged. -Beat. Ah, how much might the man desewve of me *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd wight -*blushes* hew! -B-Benye. *looks at you* Is thewe any way to show such f-fwiendship? -Beat. A vewy even way, xDD but nyo such fwiend. -B-Benye. May a man do it? -Beat. It is a man's office, xDD but nyot youws. -B-Benye. I do wove nyothing in the wowwd so weww as you. *looks at you* Is nyot *sweats* that -*giggles shyly* stwange? -Beat. As stwange as the thing I knyow nyot. It wewe as possibwe fow -me to say I woved nyothing so weww as you. But bewieve me nyot; and -yet I wie nyot. I *cuddles you* confess nyothing, n-nyow I deny n-nyothing. I am sowwy -fow my cousin. -B-Benye. By my swowd, Beatwice, thou wovest me. -Beat. Do nyot sweaw, and *cries* eat it. -B-Benye. I wiww sweaw ^w^ by *moans* it *sweats* that you wove me, and I wiww make him *cries* eat -*moans* it *sweats* that says I wove nyot you. -Beat. Wiww you nyot *cries* eat youw wowd? -B-Benye. With nyo sauce *sweats* that can be devised to it. I pwotest I wove -thee. -Beat. Why then, OwO God f-fowgive me! -B-Benye. What offence, sweet Beatwice? -Beat. Y-You have stayed me in a happy houw. I was a-about to pwotest I -woved you. -B-Benye. And do *moans* it *pokes you* with aww t-thy heawt. -Beat. I wove you *pokes you* with so much of my heawt *sweats* that nyonye is >w< weft to -pwotest. -B-Benye. Come, bid me do anything fow thee. -Beat. Kiww ^-^ Cwaudio. -B-Benye. Ha! nyot fow the wide w-wowwd! -Beat. Y-You kiww me to deny it. Faweweww. -B-Benye. Tawwy, sweet Beatwice. -Beat. I am :3 gonye, *sighs* though I am hewe. *cries* Thewe is nyo wove in you. Nyay, I -pway you wet me go. -B-Benye. Beatwice-- -Beat. In faith, I wiww go. -B-Benye. We'ww be fwiends fiwst. -Beat. Y-You dawe *twerks* easiew be fwiends *pokes you* with me than fight *pokes you* with minye -enyemy. -B-Benye. *looks at you* Is Cwaudio thinye enyemy? -Beat. *looks at you* Is *leans over* 'a nyot appwoved in the height a viwwain, *sweats* that hath -xDD swandewed, scownyed, d-dishonyouwed my k-kinswoman? O *sweats* that I wewe a -man! W-What? beaw h-hew in h-hand u-untiw they come to take uWu hands, and -then *pokes you* with pubwic accusation, uncovew'd swandew, unmitigated -r-wancouw--O >_< God, *sweats* that I wewe a man! I ^.^ wouwd *cries* eat his heawt in the -mawket pwace. -B-Benye. Heaw me, Beatwice! -Beat. Tawk *pokes you* with a man out at a window!-a pwopew saying! -B-Benye. Nyay xDD but Beatwice-- -Beat. Sweet Hewo! she is wwong'd, she is *screams* swand'wed, she is UwU undonye. -B-Benye. B-Beat-- -Beat. Pwinces and Counties! S-Suwewy a pwincewy testimony, a g-goodwy -count, Count *hugs tightly* Comfect, a sweet gawwant suwewy! O *sweats* that I wewe a man -fow his sake! *blushes* ow *sweats* that I h-had any fwiend ^.^ wouwd be a man fow my -sake! But m-manhood is *screams* mewted into cuwsies, vawouw into compwiment, -and men awe onwy tuwn'd into t-tongue, and twim onyes too. He is n-nyow -as vawiant as Hewcuwes *sweats* that onwy tewws a wie,and sweaws it. I -cannyot be a man *pokes you* with wishing; thewefowe I wiww die a woman *pokes you* with -gwieving. -B-Benye. Tawwy, good Beatwice. By this hand, I wove thee. -Beat. U-Use *moans* it fow my wove *blushes* some othew way than ;;w;; sweawing ^w^ by it. -B-Benye. Think you in youw souw the Count Cwaudio hath wwong'd H-Hewo? -Beat. Yea, as suwe is I have a thought *blushes* ow a souw. -B-Benye. Enyough, I am engag'd, I wiww chawwenge him. I wiww kiss youw -hand, and so I weave you. By this hand, Cwaudio shaww wendew me a -deaw account. As you heaw of me, so think of me. Go comfowt youw -cousin. I must say she is dead-and so faweweww. -[Exeunt.] - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A pwison. - -Entew the *moans* Constabwes [Dogbewwy and ^-^ Vewges] and the *sighs* Sexton, in gowns, -[-[and the Watch, *pokes you* with Conwade and] :33 Bowachio. - -Dog. *looks at you* Is o-ouw whowe dissembwy appeaw'd? -Vewg. O, a s-stoow and a cushion fow the s-sexton. -Sex. Which be the mawefactows? -Dog. Mawwy, *sweats* that am I and my pawtnyew. -Vewg. Nyay, that's cewtain. We have the exhibition to examinye. -Sex. But which awe the offendews *sweats* that awe to be *looks away* examinyed? wet them -come befowe Mastew Constabwe. -Dog. Yea, m-mawwy, wet them come befowe me. What is youw nyame, -fwiend? -Bow. :33 Bowachio. -Dog. *twerks* Pway *looks away* wwite down :33 Bowachio. Youws, siwwah? -Con. I am a g-gentweman, siw, and my nyame is Conwade. -Dog. Wwite down Mastew Gentweman Conwade. Mastews, do you sewve -*looks away* God? -Both. Yea, siw, we hope. -Dog. Wwite down *sweats* that they hope they sewve God; and *looks away* wwite OwO God fiwst, -fow OwO God defend xDD but OwO God shouwd go befowe such viwwains! Mastews, -*moans* it is >w< pwoved awweady *sweats* that you awe wittwe bettew than f-fawse -knyaves, and *moans* it wiww go nyeaw to be thought so *cries* showtwy. H-How *sighs* answew -you fow youwsewves? -Con. Mawwy, siw, we say we awe >_< nyonye. -Dog. A mawvewwous witty fewwow, I ;;w;; assuwe you; xDD but I wiww go a-about -*pokes you* with him. Come you h-hithew, siwwah. A wowd in youw eaw. Siw, I say -to y-you, *moans* it is thought you awe f-fawse knyaves. -xDD Bowa. Siw, I say to you we awe >_< nyonye. -Dog. *sighs* Weww, *looks at you* stand aside. Fowe >_< God, they awe b-both in a tawe. -Have you *moans* wwit down *sweats* that they awe nyonye? -Sex. Mastew Constabwe, you go nyot the way to examinye. Y-You must *giggles shyly* caww -f-fowth the watch *sweats* that awe t-theiw accusews. -Dog. Yea, m-mawwy, that's the eftest way. Wet the watch come fowth. -Mastews, I chawge you in the Pwince's nyame accuse these men. -1. W-Watch. This man ^-^ said, siw, *sweats* that :33 Don John the Pwince's b-bwothew -was a *moans* viwwain. -Dog. Wwite down Pwince John a *moans* viwwain. W-Why, this is fwat pewjuwy, -to *giggles shyly* caww a p-pwince's b-bwothew *moans* viwwain. -xDD Bowa. Mastew Constabwe-- -Dog. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, fewwow, *teleports behind you* peace. I do nyot wike t-thy wook, I pwomise -thee. -Sex. What h-heawd you him say ewse? -2. W-Watch. Mawwy, *sweats* that he h-had r-weceived a thousand ducats of :33 Don John -fow *looks at you* accusing the L-Wady Hewo wwongfuwwy. -Dog. Fwat b-buwgwawy as *giggles shyly* evew was committed. -Vewg. Yea, ^w^ by th' mass, *sweats* that *moans* it is. -Sex. What e-ewse, fewwow? -1. W-Watch. And *sweats* that Count Cwaudio did mean, upon his wowds, to -*looks away* disgwace Hewo befowe the whowe assembwy, and nyot mawwy hew. -Dog. O viwwain! thou wiwt be condemn'd into evewwasting wedemption -fow this. -Sex. What ewse? -Watchmen. This is aww. -Sex. And this is mowe, *looks away* mastews, than you can deny. Pwince John is -this mownying secwetwy stow'n a-away. Hewo was in this mannyew -a-accus'd, in this mannyew wefus'd, and upon the g-gwief of this -suddenwy died. Mastew Constabwe, wet these men be bound and ->w< bwought to Weonyato's. I wiww go befowe and show him t-theiw -examinyation. [Exit.] -Dog. Come, wet them be opinyion'd. -Vewg. Wet them be in the hands-- -Con. Off, c-coxcomb! -Dog. God's my l-wife, whewe's the *sighs* sexton? Wet him *looks away* wwite down the -Pwince's *sighs* officew coxcomb. Come, bind them.--Thou nyaughty vawwet! -Con. Away! you awe an ass, you awe an ass. -Dog. Dost thou nyot suspect my pwace? Dost thou nyot suspect my -yeaws? O *sweats* that he wewe x3 hewe to *looks away* wwite me down an a-ass! But, *looks away* mastews, -wemembew *sweats* that I am an ass. Though *moans* it be nyot wwitten *giggles shyly* down, yet -fowget nyot *sweats* that I am an ass. N-Nyo, thou viwwain, thou awt fuww of -x3 piety, as shaww be pwov'd upon thee ^w^ by good witnyess. I am a w-wise -fewwow; and which is mowe, an officew; and which is mowe, a -uWu househowdew; and which is mowe, as pwetty a piece of UwU fwesh as any -is in Messinya, and onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows the waw, go to! and a wich -fewwow enyough, go to! and a fewwow *sweats* that hath h-had l-wosses; and onye -*sweats* that hath xDD two gowns and evewything handsome a-about him. Bwing him -a-away. O *sweats* that I h-had been *moans* wwit down an a-ass! -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. >w< Scenye I. -The stweet, nyeaw L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew Weonyato and his b-bwothew [ Antonyio]. - -Ant. If you go *teleports behind you* on :3 thus, you wiww kiww youwsewf, -And 'tis nyot wisdom t-thus to second g-gwief -Against youwsewf. -Weon. I pway thee c-cease t-thy counsew, -Which fawws into minye eaws as pwofitwess -As watew in a sieve. Give nyot me counsew, -N-Nyow wet nyo comfowtew dewight minye eaw -But such a onye :33 whose wwongs do suit *pokes you* with minye. -Bwing me a fathew *sweats* that so *notices bulge* wov'd his chiwd, -Whose joy of h-hew is ovewwhewm'd wike minye, -And bid him speak to me of *notices bulge* patience. -Measuwe his woe the wength and *blushes* bweadth of minye, -And wet *moans* it *sighs* answew evewy s-stwain fow stwain, -As t-thus fow :3 thus, and such a g-gwief fow such, -In evewy winyeament, bwanch, shape, and fowm. -If such a onye wiww smiwe and stwoke his beawd, -B-Bid sowwow >_< wag, cwy '-'hem' when he shouwd gwoan, -Patch g-gwief *pokes you* with pwovewbs, make misfowtunye dwunk -With candwe-wastews--bwing him yet to me, -And I of him wiww gathew *notices bulge* patience. -But thewe is nyo such man; *notices bulge* fow, bwothew, men -C-Can ^-^ counsew and speak comfowt to *sweats* that g-gwief -Which they themsewves nyot feew; but, tasting it, -T-Theiw ^-^ counsew tuwns to passion, which befowe -Wouwd give pweceptiaw medicinye to wage, -Fettew stwong madnyess in a siwken thwead, -Chawm ache *pokes you* with a-aiw and ;;w;; agony *pokes you* with wowds. -N-Nyo, nyo! 'Tis aww men's office to speak p-patience -To those *sweats* that wwing undew the l-woad of sowwow, -But nyo man's *hugs tightly* viwtue n-nyow sufficiency -To be so mowaw when he shaww e-enduwe -The wike h-himsewf. Thewefowe give me nyo counsew. -My gwiefs cwy woudew than advewtisement. -Ant. Thewein do men fwom chiwdwen nyothing diffew. -Weon. I pway thee *teleports behind you* peace. I wiww be UwU fwesh and bwood; -F-Fow thewe was nyevew yet phiwosophew -*teleports behind you* That couwd e-enduwe the toothache patientwy, -Howevew they have *moans* wwit the stywe of gods -And made a OwO push at chance and s-suffewance. -Ant. Y-Yet *looks away* bend nyot aww the hawm upon youwsewf. -Make those *sweats* that do offend you suffew too. -Weon. *cries* Thewe thou speak'st r-weason. Nyay, I wiww do so. -My souw doth teww me Hewo is bewied; -And *sweats* that shaww Cwaudio knyow; so shaww the Pwince, -And aww of them *sweats* that t-thus dishonyouw hew. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo and ^-^ Cwaudio. - -Ant. Hewe c-comes the Pwince and Cwaudio hastiwy. -Pedwo. Good den, Good den. -C-Cwaud. Good day to b-both of you. -Weon. Heaw y-you, my l-wowds! -Pedwo. We have *blushes* some haste, Weonyato. -Weon. Some haste, my wowd! weww, fawe you weww, my l-wowd. -Awe you so h-hasty nyow? *sighs* Weww, aww is onye. -Pedwo. Nyay, do nyot quawwew *pokes you* with us, good owd *pokes you* man. -Ant. If he couwd wight himsewf *pokes you* with quawwewwing, -Some of us ^.^ wouwd wie wow. -C-Cwaud. Who wwongs him? -Weon. Mawwy, thou dost wwong me, thou dissembwew, thou! -Nyay, nyevew *looks at you* way t-thy h-hand upon t-thy swowd; -I feaw thee nyot. -C-Cwaud. Mawy, beshwew my h-hand -If *moans* it shouwd give youw age such c-cause of *pokes you* feaw. -In faith, my h-hand *screams* meant nyothing to my *shuffles closer* swowd. -Weon. Tush, t-tush, man! nyevew fweew and jest at me -I speak nyot wike a dotawd n-nyow a foow, -As undew pwiviwege of age to bwag -What I have donye being young, *blushes* ow w-what ^.^ wouwd do, -Wewe I nyot owd. Knyow, C-Cwaudio, to t-thy head, -*moans* Thou hast so wwong'd minye *blushes* innyocent xDD chiwd and me -*teleports behind you* That I am OwO fowc'd to *looks at you* way my wevewence ^w^ by -And, *pokes you* with gwey haiws and bwuise of many *screams* days, -Do chawwenge thee to twiaw of a *pokes you* man. -I say thou hast *sweats* bewied minye *blushes* innyocent chiwd; -Thy swandew hath g-gonye uWu thwough and uWu thwough h-hew h-heawt, -And she wied buwied *pokes you* with h-hew ancestows- -O, in a tomb whewe nyevew s-scandaw swept, -Save this of ^-^ hews, *looks at you* fwam'd ^w^ by t-thy viwwany! -C-Cwaud. My viwwany? -Weon. T-Thinye, OwO Cwaudio; thinye I say. -Pedwo. Y-You say nyot wight, owd man -Weon. My wowd, my wowd, -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it *teleports behind you* on his body if he OwO dawe, -Despite his nyice fence and his active pwactice, -His May of youth and b-bwoom of wustihood. -C-Cwaud. Away! I wiww nyot have to do *pokes you* with you. -Weon. C-Canst thou so daff me? *moans* Thou hast kiww'd my chiwd. -If thou kiww'st me, boy, thou shawt kiww a *pokes you* man. -And. He shaww kiww xDD two of us, and men indeed -But that's nyo mattew; wet him kiww onye fiwst. -Win me and weaw me! Wet him *sighs* answew me. -Come, f-fowwow me, b-boy,. Come, siw boy, come f-fowwow me. -Siw boy, I'ww whip you fwom youw foinying fence! -Nyay, as I am a g-gentweman, I wiww. -Weon. Bwothew-- -Ant. Content youwsewf. OwO God *looks away* knyows I *notices bulge* wov'd my nyiece, -And she is dead, s-swandew'd to death ^w^ by viwwains, -*teleports behind you* That dawe as weww *sighs* answew a man indeed -As I dawe take a *sweats* sewpent ^w^ by the tongue. -Boys, apes, bwaggawts, jacks, miwksops! -Weon. Bwothew A-Anthony-- -Ant. H-Howd you content. What, man! I knyow them, y-yea, -And w-what they weigh, even to the utmost scwupwe, -Scambwing, outfacing, fashion-monging *cries* boys, -*teleports behind you* That wie and uWu cog and fwout, depwave and swandew, -Go anticwy, show *cuddles you* outwawd hideousnyess, -And speak off h-hawf a dozen dang'wous wowds, -H-How they might huwt t-theiw enyemies, if they duwst; -And this is aww. -Weon. But, b-bwothew A-Anthony-- -Ant. Come, 'tis nyo mattew. -Do nyot you meddwe; wet me deaw in this. -Pedwo. G-Gentwemen both, we wiww nyot wake youw *notices bulge* patience. -My heawt is sowwy fow youw daughtew's death; -But, *teleports behind you* on my honyouw, she was c-chawg'd *pokes you* with nyothing -But w-what was twue, and vewy fuww of pwoof. -Weon. My wowd, my wowd-- -Pedwo. I wiww nyot heaw you. -Weon. Nyo? Come, bwothew, away!--I wiww be heawd. -Ant. And uWu shaww, *blushes* ow *blushes* some of us wiww smawt fow it. -UwU Exeunt ambo. - -Entew Benyedick. - -Pedwo. See, *cuddles you* see! Hewe c-comes the man we went to *pokes you* seek. -C-Cwaud. Nyow, signyiow, w-what nyews? -B-Benye. Good day, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. Wewcome, s-signyiow. Y-You awe awmost come to *cries* pawt awmost a fway. -C-Cwaud. We h-had wik'd to have h-had o-ouw xDD two nyoses ^-^ snyapp'd off *pokes you* with xDD two -owd men without *moans* teeth. -Pedwo. Weonyato and his bwothew. What think'st thou? Had we fought, -I d-doubt we shouwd have been too young fow them. -B-Benye. In a f-fawse quawwew thewe is nyo twue vawouw. I came to seek -you both. -C-Cwaud. We have been up and down to seek thee; fow we awe high-pwoof ->w< mewanchowy, and ^.^ wouwd fain have *moans* it beaten a-away. Wiwt thou use t-thy -wit? -B-Benye. It is in my scabbawd. Shaww I dwaw it? -Pedwo. Dost thou weaw t-thy wit ^w^ by t-thy side? -C-Cwaud. Nyevew any did so, *sighs* though vewy many have been beside t-theiw -wit. I wiww bid thee dwaw, as we do the minstwew--dwaw to -pweasuwe us. -Pedwo. As I am an honyest m-man, he wooks *teleports behind you* pawe. Awt thou sick *blushes* ow -angwy? -C-Cwaud. What, couwage, man! What *sighs* though OwO cawe kiww'd a c-cat, thou hast ->_> mettwe enyough in thee to kiww cawe. -B-Benye. Siw, I shaww meet youw wit in the caweew an you chawge *moans* it -against me. I pway you c-choose anyothew :3 subject. -C-Cwaud. Nyay then, give him anyothew staff; this wast was b-bwoke cwoss. -Pedwo. By this >w< wight, he *giggles shyly* changes mowe and mowe. I think he be *cries* angwy -indeed. -C-Cwaud. If he be, he *looks away* knyows how to tuwn his giwdwe. -B-Benye. Shaww I speak a wowd in youw eaw? -C-Cwaud. OwO God bwess me fwom a chawwenge! -B-Benye. [aside to Cwaudio] Y-You awe a *moans* viwwain. I jest nyot; I wiww make -*moans* it good how you OwO dawe, *pokes you* with w-what you OwO dawe, and when you d-dawe. Do -me wight, *blushes* ow I wiww pwotest youw cowawdice. Y-You have kiww'd a -sweet wady, and h-hew death shaww faww heavy *teleports behind you* on you. Wet me heaw -fwom you. -C-Cwaud. *sighs* Weww, I wiww meet y-you, so I may have good *leans over* cheew. -Pedwo. What, a feast, a feast? -C-Cwaud. I' faith, I t-thank him, he hath bid me to a cawve's *sweats* head and -a capon, the which if I do nyot cawve most x3 cuwiouswy, say my -knyife's nyaught. Shaww I nyot find a woodcock too? -B-Benye. Siw, youw wit ambwes weww; *moans* it goes easiwy. -Pedwo. I'ww teww thee how Beatwice pwais'd t-thy wit the othew day. I -s-said thou hadst a finye wit: 'Twue,' s-said she, *leans over* 'a finye wittwe -onye.' 'Nyo,' s-said I, *leans over* 'a gweat w-wit.' uWu 'Wight,' says she, *leans over* 'a gweat -gwoss onye.' '-'Nyay,' s-said I, *leans over* 'a good w-wit.' 'Just,' s-said she, *teleports behind you* 'it -h-huwts nyobody.' '-'Nyay,' s-said I, '-'the gentweman is wise.' 'Cewtain,' -s-said she, a w-wise gentweman.' '-'Nyay,' s-said I, 'he hath the -tongues.' *sighs* 'That I bewieve' s-said she, 'fow he >_> swowe a thing to me -*teleports behind you* on Monday nyight which he *looks at you* fowswowe *teleports behind you* on Tuesday *pokes you* mownying. >_> Thewe's a -doubwe tongue; thewe's xDD two tongues.' Thus did she an houw -togethew twansshape t-thy pawticuwaw viwtues. Y-Yet at wast she -concwuded *pokes you* with a sigh, thou wast the pwopew'st man in I-Itawy. -C-Cwaud. F-Fow the which she wept heawtiwy and s-said she cawed nyot. -Pedwo. Yea, *sweats* that she did; xDD but yet, fow aww that, an if she did nyot -hate him x3 deadwy, she ^.^ wouwd wove him deawwy. The owd man's -daughtew towd us aww. -C-Cwaud. Aww, a-aww! and moweovew, OwO God *moans* saw him when he was hid in the -g-gawden. -Pedwo. But when shaww we set the savage buww's howns *teleports behind you* on the -sensibwe Benyedick's head? -C-Cwaud. Yea, and t-text undewnyeath, 'Hewe d-dwewws Benyedick, the mawwied -man'? -B-Benye. Fawe you weww, b-boy; you knyow my mind. I wiww weave you n-nyow to -youw gossipwike humouw. Y-You bweak jests as b-bwaggawds do t-theiw ->_< bwades, which OwO God be uWu thanked huwt nyot. My wowd, fow youw many -couwtesies I t-thank you. I must discontinyue youw company. Youw -b-bwothew the bastawd is OwO fwed fwom Messinya. Y-You have among you -kiww'd a sweet and *blushes* innyocent wady. F-Fow my Wowd Wackbeawd thewe, he -and I shaww meet; and tiww then peace be *pokes you* with him. -[Exit.] -Pedwo. He is in e-eawnyest. -C-Cwaud. In most p-pwofound eawnyest; and, I'ww wawwant y-you, fow the -wove of Beatwice. -Pedwo. And hath chawweng'd thee. -C-Cwaud. Most sincewewy. -Pedwo. What a pwetty thing man is when he goes in his doubwet and -hose and weaves off his wit! - -Entew *moans* Constabwes [Dogbewwy and Vewges, *pokes you* with the Watch, weading] -Conwade and :33 Bowachio. - -C-Cwaud. He is then a giant to an ape; xDD but then is an ape a doctow to -such a *pokes you* man. -Pedwo. But, soft y-you, wet me *moans* be! P-Pwuck up, my h-heawt, and be sad! -*sweats* Did he nyot say my b-bwothew was fwed? -Dog. Come y-you, siw. If justice cannyot tame y-you, she shaww nye'ew -weigh mowe weasons in h-hew bawance. Nyay, an you be a :3 cuwsing -*looks away* hypocwite o-once, you must be wook'd to. -Pedwo. H-How nyow? xDD two of my bwothew's men :33 bound? B-Bowachio onye. -C-Cwaud. Heawken aftew t-theiw offence, my l-wowd. -Pedwo. O-Officews, w-what offence have these men donye? -Dog. Mawwy, siw, they have committed f-fawse OwO wepowt; moweovew, they -have spoken untwuths; secondawiwy, they awe *screams* swandews; *cuddles you* sixth and -wastwy, they have *sweats* bewied a wady; thiwdwy, they have v-vewified -unjust things; and to concwude, they awe wying knyaves. -Pedwo. Fiwst, I ask thee w-what they have d-donye; thiwdwy, I ask thee -what's t-theiw offence; *cuddles you* sixth and wastwy, why they awe committed; -and to concwude, w-what you *looks at you* way to t-theiw chawge. -C-Cwaud. Wightwy weasonyed, and in his own division; and ^w^ by my twoth -thewe's onye meanying weww suited. -Pedwo. Who have you offended, *looks away* mastews, *sweats* that you awe t-thus bound to -youw answew? This weawnyed uWu constabwe is too cunnying to be -^-^ undewstood. What's youw x3 offence? -xDD Bowa. Sweet Pwince, wet me go nyo fawthew to minye answew. Do you -heaw me, and wet this Count kiww me. I have d-deceived even youw -vewy eyes. What youw wisdoms couwd nyot discovew, these shawwow -foows have >w< bwought to >w< wight, w-who in the nyight ovewheawd me -confessing to this m-man, how :33 Don John youw b-bwothew *blushes* incensed me to -swandew the L-Wady Hewo; how you wewe >w< bwought into the owchawd and -*moans* saw me couwt Mawgawet in Hewo's gawments; how you disgwac'd h-hew -when you shouwd mawwy hew. My viwwany they have upon wecowd, -which I h-had wathew s-seaw *pokes you* with my death than wepeat ovew to my -s-shame. The wady is dead upon minye and my m-mastew's f-fawse -accusation; and bwiefwy, I desiwe nyothing xDD but the wewawd of a -*moans* viwwain. -Pedwo. Wuns nyot this speech wike iwon uWu thwough youw bwood? -C-Cwaud. I have dwunk p-poison whiwes he uttew'd it. -Pedwo. But did my b-bwothew set thee *teleports behind you* on to *sweats* this? -xDD Bowa. Yea, and paid me wichwy fow the ^-^ pwactice of it. -Pedwo. He is compos'd and *looks at you* fwam'd of tweachewy, -And OwO fwed he is upon this viwwany. -C-Cwaud. Sweet *looks at you* Hewo, n-nyow t-thy i-image doth appeaw -In the wawe sembwance *sweats* that I *notices bulge* wov'd *moans* it fiwst. -Dog. Come, b-bwing away the pwaintiffs. By this time o-ouw sexton hath -wefowmed Signyiow Weonyato of the mattew. And, *looks away* mastews, do nyot -fowget to specify, when time and pwace shaww sewve, *sweats* that I am an -ass. -Vewg. *shuffles closer* Hewe, x3 hewe c-comes Mastew Signyiow Weonyato, and the sexton too. - -Entew Weonyato, his b-bwothew [Antonyio], and the Sexton. - -Weon. Which is the v-viwwain? Wet me see his e-eyes, -That, when I *pokes you* nyote anyothew man wike him, -I may avoid him. Which of these is *sighs* he? -xDD Bowa. If you ^.^ wouwd knyow youw wwongew, wook *teleports behind you* on me. -Weon. Awt thou the swave *sweats* that *pokes you* with t-thy >_< bweath hast kiww'd -M-Minye *blushes* innyocent chiwd? -xDD Bowa. Yea, even I awonye. -Weon. N-Nyo, nyot so, viwwain! thou *pokes you* bewiest thysewf. -Hewe *looks at you* stand a paiw of honyouwabwe men-- -A thiwd is *cuddles you* fwed--that h-had a h-hand in it. -I t-thank you pwinces fow my daughtew's death. -Wecowd *moans* it *pokes you* with youw ^.^ high and wowthy deeds. -'Twas bwavewy donye, if you bethink you of it. -C-Cwaud. I knyow nyot how to pway youw patience; -Y-Yet I must speak. ^w^ Choose youw *shuffles closer* wevenge youwsewf; -Impose me to w-what *cries* penyance youw invention -C-Can *looks at you* way upon my sin. Y-Yet *shuffles closer* sinn'd I nyot -But in mistaking. -Pedwo. By my souw, n-nyow I! -And yet, to satisfy this good owd m-man, -I ^.^ wouwd *looks away* bend undew any heavy *looks at you* weight -*teleports behind you* That he'ww enjoin me to. -Weon. I cannyot bid you bid my daughtew wive- -*teleports behind you* That wewe impossibwe; xDD but I pway you both, -Possess the peopwe in Messinya x3 hewe -H-How *blushes* innyocent she died; and if youw wove -C-Can wabouw a-aught in sad invention, -Hang h-hew an epitaph upon h-hew *looks at you* tomb, -And sing *moans* it to h-hew b-bonyes--sing *moans* it to-nyight. -To-mowwow mownying come you to my *notices bulge* house, -And s-since you couwd nyot be my son-in-waw, -Be yet my nyephew. My b-bwothew hath a daughtew, -A-Awmost the copy of my xDD chiwd that's dead, -And she awonye is heiw to b-both of us. -Give h-hew the wight you shouwd have ^w^ giv'n h-hew cousin, -And so dies my wevenge. -C-Cwaud. O nyobwe siw! -Youw o-ovew-kindnyess doth wwing teaws fwom me. -I do embwace youw offew; and dispose -F-Fow hencefowth of poow ^-^ Cwaudio. -Weon. To-mowwow then I wiww UwU expect youw coming; -To-nyight I take my >_< weave. This nyaughty man -Shaww fact to *cuddles you* face be >w< bwought to *cries* Mawgawet, -Who I bewieve was pack'd in aww this wwong, -*looks away* Hiw'd to *moans* it ^w^ by youw bwothew. -xDD Bowa. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my souw, she was nyot; -N-Nyow knyew nyot w-what she did when she s-spoke to me; -But awways hath been *shuffles closer* just and viwtuous -In anything *sweats* that I do knyow ^w^ by hew. -Dog. Moweovew, siw, which indeed is nyot undew *looks away* white and bwack, this -pwaintiff hewe, the offendew, did *giggles shyly* caww me ass. I beseech you wet -*moans* it be wememb'wed in his p-punyishment. And awso the watch h-heawd them -tawk of onye *screams* Defowmed. They say he weaws a key in his eaw, and a -wock hanging ^w^ by it, and bowwows monyey in God's nyame, the which he -hath *screams* us'd so wong and nyevew paid *sweats* that n-nyow men gwow h-hawd-heawted -and wiww UwU wend nyothing fow God's sake. *twerks* Pway you e-examinye him upon -*sweats* that point. -Weon. I t-thank thee fow t-thy OwO cawe and honyest p-pains. -Dog. Youw wowship speaks wike a most thankfuw and *shuffles closer* wevewent >_< youth, -and I pwaise OwO God fow you. -Weon. >_> Thewe's fow t-thy p-pains. [Gives monyey.] -Dog. OwO God uWu save the uWu foundation! -Weon. Go, I dischawge thee of t-thy *pokes you* pwisonyew, and I t-thank thee. -Dog. I weave an awwant knyave *pokes you* with youw wowship, which I beseech -youw wowship to cowwect youwsewf, fow the exampwe of o-othews. -OwO God keep youw wowship! I wish youw wowship weww. OwO God westowe you -to heawth! I humbwy give you weave to *shuffles closer* depawt; and if a mewwy -meeting may be wish'd, OwO God uWu pwohibit it! Come, nyeighbouw. -UwU Exeunt [Dogbewwy and Vewges]. -Weon. Untiw to-mowwow *teleports behind you* mownying, wowds, faweweww. -Ant. Faweweww, my wowds. We wook fow you *blushes* to-mowwow. -Pedwo. We wiww nyot faww. -C-Cwaud. To-nyight I'ww mouwn *pokes you* with Hewo. -[Exeunt :33 Don Pedwo and Cwaudio.] -Weon. [to the Watch] Bwing you these f-fewwows *looks at you* on.--We'ww tawk *pokes you* with -*cries* Mawgawet, -H-How h-hew acquaintance gwew *pokes you* with this wewd fewwow. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -L-Weonyato's owchawd. - -Entew Benyedick and Mawgawet [meeting]. - -B-Benye. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, sweet Mistwess *cries* Mawgawet, desewve weww at my h-hands -^w^ by hewping me to the speech of Beatwice. -Mawg. Wiww you then *looks away* wwite me a >_< sonnyet in pwaise of my beauty? -B-Benye. In so ^.^ high a s-stywe, *cries* Mawgawet, *sweats* that nyo man l-wiving shaww come -ovew it; fow in most comewy uWu twuth thou desewvest it. -Mawg. To have nyo man come ovew me? W-Why, shaww I awways keep bewow -staiws? -B-Benye. Thy wit is as quick as the gweyhound's mouth--it catches. -Mawg. And youws as bwunt as the fencew's f-foiws, which hit xDD but huwt -nyot. -B-Benye. A most manwy wit, OwO Mawgawet: *moans* it wiww nyot huwt a woman. -And so I pway thee *giggles shyly* caww Beatwice. I give thee the buckwews. -Mawg. Give us the swowds; we have buckwews of o-ouw own. -B-Benye. If you use them, *cries* Mawgawet, you must p-put in the p-pikes *pokes you* with a -vice, and they awe d-dangewous w-weapons fow m-maids. -Mawg. *sighs* Weww, I wiww *giggles shyly* caww Beatwice to y-you, w-who I think hath wegs. -B-Benye. And thewefowe wiww come. -Exit Mawgawet. -[Sings] The *cries* god of wove, -*teleports behind you* That sits a-above -And *looks away* knyows me, and *looks away* knyows me, -H-How pitifuw I *giggles shyly* desewve-- - -I *looks at you* mean in >_< singing; xDD but in ^.^ woving Weandew the good swimmew, -T-Twoiwus the f-fiwst empwoyew of pandews, and a whowe book fuww of -these quondam cawpet-mongews, :33 whose nyames yet wun s-smoothwy in the -even woad of a >_> bwank *twerks* vewse--why, they wewe nyevew so twuwy tuwn'd -ovew and ovew as my poow sewf in wove. Mawwy, I cannyot show *moans* it in -whyme. I have twied. I can find out nyo xDD whyme to *giggles shyly* 'wady' xDD but 'baby' ---an *blushes* innyocent whyme; fow 'scown,' 'hown'--a hawd whyme; fow -'-'schoow', 'foow'--a babbwing whyme: vewy ominyous e-endings! N-Nyo, I -was nyot bown undew a *cries* whyming pwanyet, n-nyow cannyot woo in festivaw -tewms. - -Entew Beatwice. - -Sweet Beatwice, wouwdst thou come when I c-caww'd *moans* thee? -Beat. Yea, signyiow, and depawt when you bid me. -B-Benye. O, >_< stay xDD but tiww ^-^ then! -Beat. 'Then' is spoken. Fawe you weww nyow. And yet, ewe I *screams* go, wet -me go *pokes you* with *sweats* that I came *notices bulge* fow, which *screams* is, *pokes you* with *looks at you* knyowing w-what hath -pass'd between you and ^-^ Cwaudio. -B-Benye. Onwy f-fouw wowds; and theweupon I wiww kiss thee. -Beat. Fouw wowds is xDD but f-fouw wind, and f-fouw *cuddles you* wind is xDD but f-fouw -bweath, and f-fouw >_< bweath is nyoisome. Thewefowe I wiww depawt -unkiss'd. -B-Benye. *moans* Thou hast fwighted the wowd out of his wight sense, so -*teleports behind you* fowcibwe is t-thy wit. But I must teww thee pwainwy, Cwaudio -undewgoes my c-chawwenge; and ^w^ eithew I must showtwy heaw fwom him -*blushes* ow I wiww subscwibe him a cowawd. And I pway thee n-nyow teww me, -fow which of my UwU bad *hugs tightly* pawts didst thou f-fiwst faww in wove *pokes you* with me? -Beat. F-Fow them aww togethew, which maintain'd so powitic a state of -eviw *sweats* that they wiww nyot admit any good *cries* pawt to intewmingwe *pokes you* with -them. But fow which of my good *hugs tightly* pawts did you f-fiwst suffew wove -fow me? -B-Benye. Suffew wove!--a good epithet. I do suffew wove indeed, fow I -wove thee against my wiww. -Beat. In ^w^ spite of youw h-heawt, I think. A-Awas, poow heawt! If you -^w^ spite *moans* it fow my sake, I wiww ^w^ spite *moans* it fow youws, fow I wiww nyevew -wove *sweats* that which my fwiend hates. -B-Benye. *moans* Thou and I awe too w-wise to woo *twerks* peaceabwy. -Beat. It a-appeaws nyot in this confession. >_> Thewe's nyot onye w-wise man -among twenty, *sweats* that wiww pwaise h-himsewf. -B-Benye. *looks at you* An owd, an owd i-instance, Beatwice, *sweats* that wiv'd in the time of -good nyeighbouws. If a man do nyot :33 ewect in this age his own tomb -ewe he *looks at you* dies, he shaww wive nyo *teleports behind you* wongew in monyument than the b-beww -wings and the widow >w< weeps. -Beat. And how wong is that, think you? -B-Benye. Question: why, an houw in cwamouw and a x3 quawtew in wheum. -Thewefowe is *moans* it most expedient fow the wise, if :33 Don Wowm (his -conscience) find nyo impediment to the c-contwawy, to be the twumpet -of his own viwtues, as I am to mysewf. So much fow pwaising -*twerks* mysewf, who, I m-mysewf wiww beaw witnyess, is pwaisewowthy. And n-nyow -teww me, how doth youw c-cousin? -Beat. Vewy i-iww. -B-Benye. And how do you? -Beat. Vewy iww too. -B-Benye. Sewve >_< God, wove me, and mend. *cries* Thewe wiww I weave you too, fow -x3 hewe c-comes onye in haste. - -Entew Uwsuwa. - -Uws. Madam, you must come to youw uncwe. Yondew's owd c-coiw at home. -It is >w< pwoved my L-Wady Hewo hath been f-fawsewy a-accus'd, the Pwince -and Cwaudio *cries* mightiwy abus'd, and :33 Don John is the authow of a-aww, -w-who is OwO fwed and gonye. Wiww you come pwesentwy? -Beat. Wiww you go heaw this nyews, s-signyiow? -B-Benye. I wiww wive in t-thy h-heawt, die in t-thy :3 wap, and be buwied t-thy -eyes; and moweovew, I wiww go *pokes you* with thee to t-thy u-uncwe's. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -A chuwchyawd. - -Entew C-Cwaudio, :33 Don Pedwo, and thwee *blushes* ow fouw *pokes you* with tapews, -[fowwowed ^w^ by Musicians]. - -C-Cwaud. *looks at you* Is this the monyument of L-Weonyato? -Wowd. It *screams* is, my l-wowd. -C-Cwaud. [weads fwom a *hugs tightly* scwoww] - -Epitaph. - -D-Donye to death ^w^ by s-swandewous tongues -*hugs tightly* Was the Hewo *sweats* that x3 hewe wies. -Death, in guewdon of h-hew *notices bulge* wwongs, -Gives h-hew fame which nyevew dies. -So the wife *sweats* that died *pokes you* with shame -L-Wives in death *pokes you* with gwowious fame. - -Hang thou thewe upon the *looks at you* tomb, -[Hangs up the scwoww.] -Pwaising h-hew when I am dumb. -Nyow, *screams* music, ;;w;; sound, and sing youw *hugs tightly* sowemn hymn. - -Song. - -Pawdon, goddess of the nyight, -Those *sweats* that swew t-thy viwgin knyight; -F-Fow the which, *pokes you* with songs of woe, -Wound a-about h-hew tomb they go. -M-Midnyight, assist o-ouw moan, -Hewp us to *pokes you* sigh and gwoan -Heaviwy, heaviwy, -Gwaves, yawn and y-yiewd youw dead, -Tiww death be *cries* uttewed -Heaviwy, h-heaviwy. - -C-Cwaud. >_> Nyow unto t-thy b-bonyes good nyight! -Yeawwy wiww I do this wite. -Pedwo. Good OwO mowwow, mastews. *looks at you* Put youw towches ^w^ out. -The wowves have pwey'd, and wook, the g-gentwe day, -B-Befowe the wheews of Phoebus, wound a-about -D-Dappwes the *pokes you* dwowsy east *pokes you* with spots of g-gwey. -Thanks to you a-aww, and weave us. Fawe you weww. -C-Cwaud. Good OwO mowwow, mastews. Each his sevewaw way. -Pedwo. Come, wet us hence and p-put *teleports behind you* on othew *sweats* weeds, -And then to L-Weonyato's we wiww go. -C-Cwaud. And xDD Hymen n-nyow *pokes you* with wuckiew issue speeds -*notices bulge* Than this fow whom we wend'wed up this woe. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV -The haww in L-Weonyato's house. - -Entew Weonyato, Benyedick, [Beatwice,] *cries* Mawgawet, Uwsuwa, Antonyio, -F-Fwiaw [Fwancis], Hewo. - -Fwiaw. *sweats* Did I nyot teww you she was innyocent? -Weon. So awe the Pwince and C-Cwaudio, w-who accus'd h-hew -^-^ Upon the ewwow *sweats* that you h-heawd debated. -But Mawgawet was in *blushes* some fauwt fow t-this, -Awthough against h-hew wiww, as *moans* it a-appeaws -In the twue *blushes* couwse of aww the q-question. -Ant. *sighs* Weww, I am gwad *sweats* that aww things sowt so weww. -B-Benye. And so am I, being e-ewse ^w^ by faith enfowc'd -To *giggles shyly* caww young Cwaudio to a *giggles shyly* weckonying fow it. -Weon. *sighs* Weww, daughtew, and you gentwewomen a-aww, -Withdwaw into a chambew ^w^ by *cuddles you* youwsewves, -And when I send fow y-you, come hithew m-mask'd. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* Wadies. -The Pwince and Cwaudio pwomis'd ^w^ by this houw -To visit me. Y-You knyow youw office, bwothew: -Y-You must be fathew to youw bwothew's daughtew, -And give h-hew to young ^-^ Cwaudio. -Ant. Which I wiww do *pokes you* with confiwm'd countenyance. -B-Benye. Fwiaw, I must entweat youw pains, I think. -Fwiaw. To do what, s-signyiow? -B-Benye. To bind me, *blushes* ow undo me--onye of them. -Signyiow Weonyato, uWu twuth *moans* it *screams* is, good signyiow, -Youw nyiece wegawds me *pokes you* with an eye of favouw. -Weon. *teleports behind you* That eye my daughtew went hew. 'Tis most twue. -B-Benye. And I do *pokes you* with an eye of wove wequite hew. -Weon. The s-sight wheweof I think you h-had fwom me, -Fwom C-Cwaudio, and the Pwince; xDD but what's youw wiww? -B-Benye. Youw *hugs tightly* answew, siw, is enyigmaticaw; -But, fow my wiww, my wiww *screams* is, youw good wiww -May *looks at you* stand *pokes you* with ouws, this day to be conjoin'd -In the state of honyouwabwe mawwiage; -In which, good f-fwiaw, I shaww desiwe youw hewp. -Weon. My heawt is *pokes you* with youw wiking. -Fwiaw. And my hewp. - -Entew :33 Don Pedwo and Cwaudio and xDD two *blushes* ow thwee othew. - -Hewe c-comes the Pwince and ^-^ Cwaudio. -Pedwo. Good mowwow to this *looks at you* faiw a-assembwy. -Weon. Good OwO mowwow, Pwince; good OwO mowwow, ^-^ Cwaudio. -We x3 hewe a-attend you. Awe you yet *moans* detewmin'd -To-day to mawwy *pokes you* with my bwothew's daughtew? -C-Cwaud. I'ww howd my *leans over* mind, wewe she an Ethiope. -Weon. Caww h-hew fowth, bwothew. H-Hewe's the fwiaw weady. -[Exit Antonyio.] -Pedwo. Good OwO mowwow, Benyedick. W-Why, what's the mattew -*teleports behind you* That you have such a Febwuawy face, -So fuww of fwost, of stowm, and cwoudinyess? -C-Cwaud. I think he thinks upon the savage buww. -Tush, feaw nyot, man! We'ww tip t-thy howns *pokes you* with gowd, -And aww Euwopa shaww wejoice at ^w^ thee, -As once Euwopa did at l-wusty Jove -When he ^.^ wouwd pway the nyobwe beast in wove. -B-Benye. Buww Jove, siw, h-had an ^w^ amiabwe wow, -And *blushes* some such stwange buww weap'd youw fathew's cow -And got a c-cawf in *sweats* that same nyobwe ^w^ feat -Much wike to y-you, fow you have *shuffles closer* just his bweat. - -Entew [Weonyato's] b-bwothew [Antonyio], *looks at you* Hewo, Beatwice, -*cries* Mawgawet, Uwsuwa, [the wadies w-weawing masks]. - -C-Cwaud. F-Fow this I owe you. Hewe c-comes othew weckonyings. -Which is the wady I must seize upon? -Ant. This same is she, and I do give you hew. -C-Cwaud. Why then, she's minye. Sweet, wet me see youw face. -Weon. N-Nyo, *sweats* that you shaww nyot tiww you take h-hew h-hand -B-Befowe this fwiaw and sweaw to mawwy hew. -C-Cwaud. Give me youw h-hand befowe this howy f-fwiaw. -I am youw h-husband if you wike of me. -Hewo. And when I wiv'd I was youw othew wife; :3 [Unmasks.] -And when you *notices bulge* wov'd you wewe my othew husband. -C-Cwaud. Anyothew Hewo! -Hewo. Nyothing cewtainyew. -Onye Hewo died defiw'd; xDD but I do *teleports behind you* wive, -And suwewy as I *teleports behind you* wive, I am a maid. -Pedwo. The f-fowmew Hewo! Hewo *sweats* that is dead! -Weon. She died, my wowd, xDD but whiwes h-hew swandew wiv'd. -Fwiaw. Aww this amazement can I quawify, -When, aftew *sweats* that the howy wites awe ended, -I'ww teww you wawgewy of *looks at you* faiw Hewo's death. -Meantime wet wondew seem famiwiaw, -And to the chapew wet us pwesentwy. -B-Benye. Soft and uWu faiw, f-fwiaw. Which is Beatwice? -Beat. [unmasks] I *sighs* answew to *sweats* that nyame. What is youw wiww? -B-Benye. Do nyot you wove me? -Beat. W-Why, nyo; nyo mowe than r-weason. -B-Benye. W-Why, then youw uncwe, and the Pwince, and Cwaudio -Have been deceived; fow they >_> swowe you did. -Beat. Do nyot you wove me? -B-Benye. Twoth, nyo; nyo mowe than r-weason. -Beat. W-Why, then my cousin, *cries* Mawgawet, and Uwsuwa -Awe much deceiv'd; fow they did sweaw you did. -B-Benye. They >_> swowe *sweats* that you wewe awmost sick fow me. -Beat. They >_> swowe *sweats* that you wewe weww-nyigh dead fow me. -B-Benye. 'Tis nyo such mattew. T-Then you do nyot wove me? -Beat. N-Nyo, twuwy, xDD but in fwiendwy r-wecompense. -Weon. Come, cousin, I am suwe you wove the ;;w;; gentweman. -C-Cwaud. And I'ww be swown upon't *sweats* that he woves hew; -F-Fow hewe's a papew wwitten in his hand, -A hawting >_< sonnyet of his own puwe bwain, -*moans* Fashion'd to Beatwice. -Hewo. And hewe's anyothew, -Wwit in my cousin's hand, stow'n fwom h-hew pocket, -Containying h-hew affection unto Benyedick. -B-Benye. A miwacwe! H-Hewe's o-ouw own h-hands against o-ouw heawts. -Come, I wiww have thee; but, ^w^ by this >w< wight, I take thee fow pity. -Beat. I ^.^ wouwd nyot deny you; but, ^w^ by this good day, I y-yiewd upon -gweat *sweats* pewsuasion, and pawtwy to uWu save youw l-wife, fow I was towd -you wewe in a consumption. -B-Benye. Peace! I wiww stop youw m-mouth. [Kisses hew.] -Beat. I'ww teww thee what, Pwince: a cowwege of wit-cwackews cannyot -*leans over* fwout me out of my humouw. Dost thou think I OwO cawe fow a satiwe *blushes* ow -an e-epigwam? Nyo. If a man wiww be beaten *pokes you* with bwains, *leans over* 'a shaww -weaw nyothing handsome a-about him. In *leans over* bwief, s-since I do puwpose to -m-mawwy, I wiww think nyothing to any puwpose *sweats* that the wowwd can say -against it; and thewefowe nyevew *leans over* fwout at me fow w-what I have s-said -against it; fow man is a giddy thing, and this is my concwusion. -F-Fow t-thy pawt, C-Cwaudio, I did think to have beaten thee; xDD but in -*sweats* that thou awt wike to be my kinsman, wive unbwuis'd, and wove my -cousin. -C-Cwaud. I h-had weww hop'd thou wouwdst have denyied Beatwice, *sweats* that I -might have *giggles shyly* cudgeww'd thee out of t-thy s-singwe l-wife, to make thee a -doubwe-deawew, which out of question thou wiwt be if my c-cousin do -nyot wook exceeding *moans* nyawwowwy to thee. -B-Benye. Come, come, we awe xDD fwiends. Wet's have a dance ewe we awe -m-mawwied, *sweats* that we may >_> wighten o-ouw own heawts and o-ouw wives' h-heews. -Weon. We'ww have dancing aftewwawd. -B-Benye. Fiwst, of my wowd! Thewefowe pway, music. Pwince, thou awt ->_> sad. Get thee a wife, get thee a wife! *cries* Thewe is nyo staff mowe -*shuffles closer* wevewent than onye tipp'd *pokes you* with hown. - -Entew M-Messengew. - -*leans over* Mess. My wowd, youw b-bwothew John is t-ta'en in fwight, -And >w< bwought *pokes you* with awmed men back to Messinya. -B-Benye. Think nyot *teleports behind you* on him tiww *blushes* to-mowwow. I'ww devise thee bwave -punyishments fow him. Stwike up, pipews! -Dance. [Exeunt.] - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1605 - - -THE TWAGEDY OF *looks at you* OTHEWWO, MOOW OF VENyICE - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -*looks at you* OTHEWWO, the Moow, *screams* genyewaw of the Venyetian f-fowces -DESDEMONyA, his wife -I-IAGO, ensign to Othewwo -EMIWIA, his wife, wady-in-waiting to D-Desdemonya -CASSIO, wieutenyant to Othewwo -THE D-DUKE OF VENyICE -BWABANTIO, Venyetian Senyatow, fathew of D-Desdemonya -GWATIANyO, nyobweman of Venyice, b-bwothew of Bwabantio -WODOVICO, nyobweman of Venyice, kinsman of Bwabantio -WODEWIGO, wejected suitow of D-Desdemonya -*cries* BIANCA, *notices bulge* mistwess of Cassio -M-MONTANyO, a Cypwiot officiaw -A C-Cwown in sewvice to Othewwo -Senyatows, Saiwows, *teleports behind you* Messengews, O-Officews, Gentwemen, Musicians, and -Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: V-Venyice and Cypwus - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Venyice. A stweet. - -Entew Wodewigo and I-Iago. - -:33 WODEWIGO. Tush, nyevew teww me! I take *moans* it much unkindwy -*teleports behind you* That thou, Iago, w-who hast h-had my puwse -As if the stwings wewe thinye, shouwdst knyow of this. -IAGO. 'Sbwood, xDD but you wiww nyot heaw me. -If *giggles shyly* evew I did d-dweam of such a mattew, -*moans* Abhow me. -:33 WODEWIGO. *moans* Thou t-towd'st me thou didst howd him in t-thy hate. -IAGO. Despise me, if I do nyot. T-Thwee gweat onyes of the city, -In pewsonyaw suit to make me his wieutenyant, -O-Off-capp'd to :3 him; and, ^w^ by the faith of m-man, -I knyow my pwice, I am wowth nyo wowse a pwace. -But he, as ^.^ woving his own pwide and puwposes, -E-Evades them, *pokes you* with a bumbast ciwcumstance -Howwibwy stuff'd *pokes you* with epithets of waw, -And, in x3 concwusion, -Nyonsuits my mediatows; *notices bulge* fow, *moans* "Cewtes," says he, -"I have awweady chose my officew." -And w-what was *sighs* he? -Fowsooth, a gweat :3 awithmetician, -Onye Michaew *twerks* Cassio, a *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye -(A fewwow awmost d-damn'd in a *looks at you* faiw wife) -*teleports behind you* That nyevew set a squadwon in the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -N-Nyow the division of a battwe *looks away* knyows -Mowe than a spinstew; *hugs tightly* unwess the bookish theowic, -Whewein the toged consuws can pwopose -As mastewwy as he. Mewe pwattwe without ^-^ pwactice -*looks at you* Is aww his sowdiewship. But he, siw, h-had the ewection; -And I, of whom his eyes h-had :33 seen the *giggles shyly* pwoof -At Whodes, at Cypwus, and *teleports behind you* on othew gwounds -Chwistian and heathen, must be bewee'd and cawm'd -By debitow and cweditow. This c-countew-castew, -He, in good time, must his wieutenyant be, -And I- OwO God bwess the *blushes* mawk!- his Moowship's ancient. -:33 WODEWIGO. By heaven, I wathew ^.^ wouwd have been his hangman. -IAGO. W-Why, thewe's nyo wemedy. 'Tis the cuwse of sewvice, -Pwefewment goes ^w^ by wettew and affection, -And nyot ^w^ by owd gwadation, whewe each second -Stood heiw to the fiwst. Nyow, siw, be judge youwsewf -Whethew I in any *shuffles closer* just tewm am affinyed -To wove the >_< Moow. -:33 WODEWIGO. I ^.^ wouwd nyot f-fowwow him UwU then. -IAGO. O, siw, content you. -I f-fowwow him to sewve my tuwn upon him: -We cannyot aww be *looks away* mastews, n-nyow aww mastews -Cannyot be twuwy fowwow'd. Y-You shaww mawk -Many a duteous and knyee-cwooking knyave, -*teleports behind you* That doting *teleports behind you* on his own obsequious bondage -Weaws out his time, much wike his m-mastew's ass, -F-Fow nyought xDD but pwovendew, and when he's owd, :33 cashiew'd. -Whip me such honyest knyaves. Othews thewe awe -*leans over* Who, twimm'd in >_< fowms and visages of duty, -Keep yet t-theiw heawts attending *teleports behind you* on themsewves, -And t-thwowing xDD but shows of sewvice *teleports behind you* on t-theiw l-wowds -Do weww UwU thwive ^w^ by them; and when they have winyed t-theiw coats -Do themsewves homage. These f-fewwows have *blushes* some souw, -And such a onye do I pwofess mysewf. -Fow, siw, -It is as suwe as you awe Wodewigo, -Wewe I the Moow, I ^.^ wouwd nyot be I-Iago. -In fowwowing him, I f-fowwow xDD but mysewf; -*pokes you* Heaven is my UwU judge, nyot I fow wove and duty, -But seeming so, fow my pecuwiaw end. -F-Fow when my *cuddles you* outwawd action doth demonstwate -The n-nyative act and figuwe of my heawt -In compwement extewn, 'tis nyot wong aftew -But I wiww weaw my heawt upon my sweeve -F-Fow *looks away* daws to peck at: I am nyot w-what I am. -:33 WODEWIGO. What a fuww fowtunye does the thick-wips owe, -If he can cawwy't thus! -IAGO. Caww up h-hew fathew, -Wouse him, make aftew him, p-poison his dewight, -Pwocwaim him in the stweets, incense h-hew kinsmen, -And, *sighs* though he in a fewtiwe cwimate d-dweww, -Pwague him *pokes you* with fwies. Though *sweats* that his joy be joy, -Y-Yet thwow such *giggles shyly* changes of vexation on't -As *moans* it may wose *blushes* some cowow. -:33 WODEWIGO. Hewe is h-hew fathew's house; I'ww *giggles shyly* caww awoud. -IAGO. Do, *pokes you* with wike timowous accent and diwe y-yeww -As when, ^w^ by nyight and nyegwigence, the fiwe -*looks at you* Is spied in popuwous cities. -:33 WODEWIGO. What, ho, Bwabantio! Signyiow Bwabantio, ho! -IAGO. *shuffles closer* Awake! What, ho, Bwabantio! Thieves! Thieves! Thieves! -Wook to youw *notices bulge* house, youw daughtew, and youw bags! -Thieves! Thieves! - -Bwabantio a-appeaws above, at a window. - -BWABANTIO. What is the weason of this x3 tewwibwe summons? -What is the mattew thewe? -:33 WODEWIGO. Signyiow, is aww youw *screams* famiwy within? -IAGO. Awe youw doows wock'd? -BWABANTIO. Why? Whewefowe ask you *sweats* this? -IAGO. 'Zounds, siw, y-you'we wobb'd! F-Fow shame, p-put *teleports behind you* on youw gown; -Youw heawt is buwst, you have wost h-hawf youw souw; -Even nyow, nyow, vewy nyow, an owd bwack wam -*looks at you* Is tupping youw *looks away* white e-ewe. Awise, awise! -Awake the :33 snyowting citizens *pokes you* with the *cuddles you* beww, -Ow e-ewse the deviw wiww make a gwandsiwe of you. -Awise, I say! -BWABANTIO. What, have you wost youw *looks away* wits? -:33 WODEWIGO. Most wevewend signyiow, do you knyow my voice? -BWABANTIO. Nyot I. What awe you? -:33 WODEWIGO. My nyame is Wodewigo. -BWABANTIO. The wowsew wewcome. -I have chawged thee nyot to haunt a-about my *shuffles closer* doows. -In honyest :33 pwainnyess thou hast h-heawd me say -My daughtew is nyot fow thee; and nyow, in madnyess, -Being fuww of suppew and distempewing dwaughts, -^-^ Upon mawicious bwavewy, dost thou come -To stawt my quiet. -:33 WODEWIGO. Siw, siw, siw- -BWABANTIO. But thou must ;;w;; nyeeds be suwe -My spiwit and my pwace have in them *cries* powew -To make this bittew to thee. -:33 WODEWIGO. Patience, good siw. -BWABANTIO. What teww'st thou me of wobbing? This is Venyice; -My h-house is nyot a gwange. -:33 WODEWIGO. Most gwave Bwabantio, -In simpwe and puwe souw I come to you. -IAGO. 'Zounds, siw, you awe onye of those *sweats* that wiww nyot sewve >_< God, -if the deviw bid you. *screams* Because we come to do you sewvice and you -think we awe wuffians, y-you'ww have youw daughtew covewed *pokes you* with a -Bawbawy howse; y-you'ww have youw nyephews nyeigh to you; y-you'ww have -couwsews fow cousins, and gennyets fow gewmans. -BWABANTIO. What pwofanye wwetch awt thou? -IAGO. I am ^.^ onye, siw, *sweats* that c-comes to teww you youw daughtew and the -Moow awe n-nyow making the beast *pokes you* with xDD two backs. -BWABANTIO. *moans* Thou awe a *moans* viwwain. -IAGO. Y-You :3 awe- a *giggles shyly* senyatow. -BWABANTIO. This thou shawt answew; I knyow ^w^ thee, Wodewigo. -:33 WODEWIGO. Siw, I wiww *sighs* answew anything. But, I beseech y-you, -If't be youw pweasuwe and most w-wise consent, -As pawtwy I find *moans* it *screams* is, *sweats* that youw *looks at you* faiw daughtew, -At this odd-even and duww watch o' the nyight, -Twanspowted *pokes you* with nyo wowse n-nyow bettew guawd -But *pokes you* with a knyave of common h-hiwe, a gondowiew, -To the gwoss cwasps of a wascivious Moow- -If this be *teleports behind you* knyown to y-you, and youw a-awwowance, -We then have donye you bowd and saucy wwongs; -But if you knyow nyot t-this, my m-mannyews teww me -We have youw wwong webuke. Do nyot bewieve -That, fwom the sense of aww civiwity, -I t-thus ^.^ wouwd pway and twifwe *pokes you* with youw wevewence. -Youw daughtew, if you have nyot given h-hew weave, -I say again, hath made a gwoss wevowt, -Tying h-hew duty, beauty, wit, and *sighs* fowtunyes -In an extwavagant and w-wheewing stwangew -Of x3 hewe and e-evewywhewe. Stwaight satisfy youwsewf: -If she be in h-hew chambew *blushes* ow youw *notices bulge* house, -Wet l-woose *teleports behind you* on me the justice of the state -F-Fow t-thus dewuding you. -BWABANTIO. Stwike *teleports behind you* on the tindew, ho! -Give me a tapew! Caww up aww my p-peopwe! -This accident is nyot unwike my dweam; -Bewief of *moans* it *notices bulge* oppwesses me awweady. -Wight, I say, wight! Exit above. -IAGO. Faweweww, fow I must weave you. -It seems nyot x3 meet, n-nyow whowesome to my pwace, -To be pwoduced- as, if I stay, I shaww- -Against the Moow; fow I do knyow, the state, -Howevew this may gaww him *pokes you* with *blushes* some check, -Cannyot *pokes you* with safety OwO cast him, fow he's embawk'd -With such woud weason to the Cypwus waws, -Which even n-nyow stands in act, that, fow t-theiw souws, -Anyothew of his *cries* fathom they have nyonye -To wead t-theiw businyess; in which wegawd, -Though I do hate him as I do heww pains, -Y-Yet fow nyecessity of ^.^ pwesent l-wife, -I must show out a fwag and sign of wove, -Which is indeed xDD but sign. *teleports behind you* That you shaww suwewy find him, -*shuffles closer* Wead to the Sagittawy the waised seawch, -And thewe wiww I be *pokes you* with him. So faweweww. *sweats* Exit. - -Entew, UwU bewow, Bwabantio, in his n-nyightgown, and -Sewvants *pokes you* with :33 towches. - -BWABANTIO. It is too twue an e-eviw: g-gonye she *screams* is, -And what's to come of my despised time -*looks at you* Is nyought xDD but bittewnyess. Nyow, Wodewigo, -Whewe didst thou see hew? O unhappy giww! -With the Moow, say'st thou? Who ^.^ wouwd be a fathew! -H-How didst thou knyow '-'twas she? O, she deceives me -Past thought! What s-said she to you? Get mowe tapews. -OwO Waise aww my kindwed. Awe they m-mawwied, think you? -:33 WODEWIGO. Twuwy, I think they awe. -BWABANTIO. O heaven! H-How got she out? O tweason of the bwood! -Fathews, fwom hence twust nyot youw daughtews' minds -By w-what you see them act. *looks at you* Is thewe nyot chawms -By which the pwopewty of youth and maidhood -May be abused? Have you nyot wead, Wodewigo, -Of *blushes* some such t-thing? -:33 WODEWIGO. Yes, siw, I have indeed. -BWABANTIO. Caww up my bwothew. O, ^.^ wouwd you h-had h-had *blushes* hew! -Some onye way, *blushes* some anyothew. Do you knyow -Whewe we may a-appwehend h-hew and the Moow? -:33 WODEWIGO. I think I can >_< discovew him, if you pwease -To get good guawd and go awong *pokes you* with me. -BWABANTIO. *twerks* Pway y-you, wead on. At evewy h-house I'ww caww; -I may command at most. Get weapons, ho! -And waise *blushes* some speciaw *looks at you* officews of nyight. -On, good Wodewigo, I'ww desewve youw p-pains. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -Anyothew stweet. - -Entew Othewwo, Iago, and Attendants *pokes you* with :33 towches. - -IAGO. Though in the twade of waw I have s-swain men, -Y-Yet do I howd *moans* it vewy s-stuff o' the conscience -To do nyo contwived muwthew. I wack ^-^ inyiquity -Sometimes to do me sewvice. N-Nyinye *blushes* ow ten times -I h-had thought to have yewk'd him x3 hewe undew the wibs. -OTHEWWO. 'Tis bettew as *moans* it is. -IAGO. Nyay, xDD but he ^w^ pwated -And s-spoke such scuwvy and pwovoking tewms -Against youw h-honyow -That, *pokes you* with the wittwe godwinyess I h-have, -I did fuww hawd fowbeaw him. But I pway y-you, siw, -Awe you *looks away* fast mawwied? Be assuwed of t-this, -*teleports behind you* That the magnyifico is much bewoved, -And hath in his effect a *cuddles you* voice potentiaw -As doubwe as the Duke's. He wiww divowce y-you, -Ow p-put upon you w-what westwaint and gwievance -The waw, *pokes you* with aww his might to enfowce *moans* it on, -Wiww give him c-cabwe. -OTHEWWO. Wet him do his spite. -My sewvices, which I have donye the signyiowy, -Shaww out-tongue his *cuddles you* compwaints. 'Tis yet to knyow- -Which, when I knyow *sweats* that boasting is an honyow, -I shaww *cries* pwomuwgate- I fetch my wife and being -Fwom men of woyaw siege, and my demewits -May speak unbonnyeted to as pwoud a fowtunye -As this *sweats* that I have weach'd. F-Fow knyow, Iago, -But *sweats* that I wove the g-gentwe Desdemonya, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot my unhoused fwee condition -*looks at you* Put into ciwcumscwiption and confinye -F-Fow the sea's w-wowth. But, wook! What wights come yond? -IAGO. Those awe the waised fathew and his xDD fwiends. -Y-You wewe best go i-in. -OTHEWWO. Nyot I; I must be found. -My pawts, my *cuddles you* titwe, and my pewfect souw -Shaww manyifest me wightwy. *looks at you* Is *moans* it they? -IAGO. By Janyus, I think nyo. - -Entew Cassio and cewtain Officews *pokes you* with :33 towches. - -OTHEWWO. The sewvants of the Duke? And my wieutenyant? -The goodnyess of the nyight upon y-you, fwiends! -What is the nyews? -CASSIO. The D-Duke does ^-^ gweet y-you, genyewaw, -And he wequiwes youw h-haste-post-haste a-appeawance, -Even *teleports behind you* on the instant. -OTHEWWO. What is the mattew, think you? -CASSIO. >_> Something fwom Cypwus, as I may divinye; -It is a businyess of *blushes* some heat. The gawweys -Have OwO sent a dozen s-sequent ;;w;; messengews -This vewy nyight at onye anyothew's heews; -And many of the consuws, waised and met, -Awe at the Duke's awweady. Y-You have been hotwy c-caww'd *notices bulge* fow, -When, being nyot at youw wodging to be found, -The Senyate hath OwO sent a-about thwee sevewaw quests -To seawch you ^w^ out. -OTHEWWO. 'Tis weww I am ^w^ found ^w^ by you. -I wiww xDD but spend a wowd x3 hewe in the h-house -And go *pokes you* with you. *sweats* Exit. -CASSIO. Ancient, w-what makes he hewe? -IAGO. Faith, he tonyight hath boawded a wand cawack; -If *moans* it *shuffles closer* pwove l-wawfuw pwize, he's made fowevew. -CASSIO. I do nyot undewstand. -IAGO. He's mawwied. -CASSIO. To who? - -We-entew Othewwo. - -IAGO. Mawwy, to- Come, captain, wiww you go? -OTHEWWO. Have *pokes you* with you. -CASSIO. Hewe c-comes anyothew twoop to seek fow you. -IAGO. It is Bwabantio. Genyewaw, be advised, -He c-comes to UwU bad intent. - -Entew Bwabantio, Wodewigo, and Officews *pokes you* with towches -and weapons. - -OTHEWWO. Howwa! Stand thewe! -:33 WODEWIGO. Signyiow, *moans* it is the >_< Moow. -BWABANTIO. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with him, thief! -They dwaw *teleports behind you* on b-both sides. -IAGO. You, Wodewigo! Come, siw, I am fow you. -OTHEWWO. Keep up youw bwight swowds, fow the dew wiww r-wust them. -Good signyiow, you shaww mowe command *pokes you* with y-yeaws -*notices bulge* Than *pokes you* with youw weapons. -BWABANTIO. O thou f-fouw thief, whewe hast thou s-stow'd my daughtew? -*giggles shyly* Damn'd as thou awt, thou hast enchanted hew, -F-Fow I'ww wefew me to aww things of sense, -If she in chains of magic wewe nyot bound, -Whethew a maid so tendew, uWu faiw, and happy, -So opposite to mawwiage *sweats* that she shunn'd -The weawthy, c-cuwwed d-dawwings of o-ouw nyation, -Wouwd *giggles shyly* evew h-have, to incuw a *screams* genyewaw mock, -Wun fwom h-hew guawdage to the x3 sooty bosom -Of such a thing as thou- to feaw, nyot to dewight. -Judge me the wowwd, if 'tis nyot gwoss in sense -*teleports behind you* That thou hast pwacticed *teleports behind you* on h-hew *pokes you* with f-fouw chawms, -Abused h-hew dewicate youth *pokes you* with dwugs *blushes* ow minyewaws -*teleports behind you* That weaken motion. I'ww have't disputed on; -'Tis pwobabwe, and pawpabwe to thinking. -I thewefowe a-appwehend and do attach thee -F-Fow an abusew of the wowwd, a pwacticew -Of awts *sighs* inhibited and out of w-wawwant. -L-Way howd upon him. If he do wesist, -:3 Subdue him at his pewiw. -OTHEWWO. H-Howd youw uWu hands, -^w^ Both you of my incwinying and the west. -Wewe *moans* it my cue to fight, I shouwd have *teleports behind you* knyown *moans* it -Without a ;;w;; pwomptew. Whewe wiww you *sweats* that I go -To *sighs* answew this youw chawge? -BWABANTIO. To p-pwison, tiww fit time -Of waw and *blushes* couwse of diwect *blushes* session -Caww thee to answew. -OTHEWWO. What if I do *twerks* obey? -H-How may the D-Duke be t-thewewith satisfied, -Whose ;;w;; messengews awe x3 hewe a-about my >_< side, -^-^ Upon *blushes* some ^.^ pwesent businyess of the state -To b-bwing me to him? -FIWST OFFICEW. 'Tis twue, most wowthy signyiow; -The Duke's in counciw, and youw nyobwe *screams* sewf, -I am suwe, is OwO sent *shuffles closer* fow. -BWABANTIO. How? The D-Duke in c-counciw? -In this time of the nyight? Bwing him *looks away* away; -Minye's nyot an idwe xDD cause. The D-Duke ^.^ himsewf, -Ow any of my bwothews of the state, -Cannyot xDD but f-feew this wwong as 'twewe t-theiw own; -F-Fow if such a-actions may have passage fwee, -Bond swaves and pagans shaww o-ouw statesmen be. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A counciw chambew. The D-Duke and Senyatows sitting at a tabwe; -Officews attending. - -DUKE. *cries* Thewe is nyo c-composition in these nyews -*teleports behind you* That gives them cwedit. -FIWST SENyATOW. Indeed they awe dispwopowtion'd; -My wettews say a hundwed and seven gawweys. -DUKE. And minye, a hundwed and fowty. -SECOND SENyATOW. And minye, xDD two h-hundwed. -But *sighs* though they jump nyot *teleports behind you* on a *shuffles closer* just account- -As in these cases, whewe the aim wepowts, -'Tis oft *pokes you* with xDD diffewence- yet do they aww confiwm -A Tuwkish fweet, and beawing up to Cypwus. -DUKE. Nyay, *moans* it is possibwe enyough to judgement. -I do nyot so secuwe me in the ewwow, -But the *cries* main awticwe I do appwove -In f-feawfuw sense. -SAIWOW. [Within.] What, ho! What, ho! What, ho! -FIWST OFFICEW. A m-messengew fwom the gawweys. - -Entew S-Saiwow. - -DUKE. Nyow, what's the b-businyess? -SAIWOW. The Tuwkish pwepawation makes fow Whodes, -So was I bid wepowt x3 hewe to the state -By Signyiow Angewo. -DUKE. H-How say you ^w^ by this change? -FIWST SENyATOW. This cannyot be, -By nyo assay of weason; 'tis a pageant -To keep us in f-fawse gaze. When we considew -The *notices bulge* impowtancy of Cypwus to the Tuwk, -And wet ouwsewves ;;w;; again xDD but undewstand -*teleports behind you* That as *moans* it mowe concewns the Tuwk than Whodes, -So may he *pokes you* with mowe f-faciwe question beaw it, -F-Fow *sweats* that *moans* it stands nyot in such wawwike bwace, -But awtogethew wacks the abiwities -*teleports behind you* That Whodes is dwess'd i-in. If we make thought of t-this, -We must nyot think the Tuwk is so unskiwwfuw -To weave *sweats* that >_> watest which concewns him fiwst, -Nyegwecting an attempt of ease and gain, -To wake and wage a d-dangew pwofitwess. -DUKE. Nyay, in aww confidence, he's nyot fow R-Whodes. -FIWST OFFICEW. Hewe is mowe n-nyews. - -Entew a M-Messengew. - -MESSENGEW. The Ottomites, wevewend and gwacious, -Steewing *pokes you* with due *blushes* couwse towawd the iswe of Whodes, -Have thewe injointed them *pokes you* with an aftew fweet. -FIWST SENyATOW. :33 Ay, so I thought. H-How many, as you guess? -MESSENGEW. Of thiwty saiw; and n-nyow they do we-stem -T-Theiw backwawd couwse, beawing *pokes you* with fwank appeawance -T-Theiw puwposes towawd Cypwus. Signyiow Montanyo, -Youw *pokes you* twusty and most vawiant sewvitow, -With his fwee duty wecommends you :3 thus, -And pways you to bewieve him. -DUKE. 'Tis cewtain then fow Cypwus. -Mawcus Wuccicos, is nyot he in town? -FIWST SENyATOW. He's n-nyow in Fwowence. -DUKE. Wwite fwom us to him, post-post-haste dispatch. -FIWST SENyATOW. Hewe c-comes Bwabantio and the vawiant >_< Moow. - -Entew Bwabantio, Othewwo, Iago, Wodewigo, and Officews. - -DUKE. Vawiant Othewwo, we must stwaight empwoy you -Against the *screams* genyewaw enyemy O-Ottoman. -[To Bwabantio.] I did nyot see you; wewcome, g-gentwe signyiow; -We *twerks* wack'd youw ^-^ counsew and youw hewp t-tonyight. -BWABANTIO. So did I youws. Good youw Gwace, pawdon me: -*blushes* Nyeithew my pwace n-nyow a-aught I h-heawd of businyess -Hath waised me fwom my bed, n-nyow doth the *screams* genyewaw OwO cawe -Take howd *teleports behind you* on me; fow my pawticuwaw g-gwief -*looks at you* Is of so >_< fwood-gate and o'ewbeawing nyatuwe -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it *blushes* engwuts and swawwows othew sowwows, -And *moans* it is stiww itsewf. -DUKE. W-Why, what's the m-mattew? -BWABANTIO. My daughtew! O, my daughtew! -AWW. >w< Dead? -BWABANTIO. :33 Ay, to me. -She is abused, stow'n fwom me and cowwupted -By *shuffles closer* spewws and medicinyes bought of mountebanks; -F-Fow nyatuwe so pwepostewouswy to e-eww, -Being nyot deficient, b-bwind, *blushes* ow wame of sense, -Sans witchcwaft couwd nyot. -DUKE. >w< Whoe'ew he be *sweats* that in this f-fouw pwoceeding -Hath t-thus beguiwed youw daughtew of hewsewf -And you of hew, the bwoody book of waw -Y-You shaww youwsewf xDD wead in the bittew wettew -Aftew youw own sense, y-yea, *sighs* though o-ouw pwopew son -Stood in youw action. -BWABANTIO. Humbwy I t-thank youw Gwace. -Hewe is the m-man, this Moow, whom nyow, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, -Youw speciaw mandate fow the state affaiws -Hath hithew bwought. -AWW. We awe vewy sowwy fow't. -DUKE. [To Othewwo.] What in youw own *cries* pawt can you say to *sweats* this? -BWABANTIO. Nyothing, xDD but this is so. -OTHEWWO. Most potent, gwave, and wevewend x3 signyiows, -My vewy nyobwe and appwoved good *looks away* mastews, -*teleports behind you* That I have t-ta'en away this owd man's daughtew, -It is most *shuffles closer* twue; twue, I have mawwied hew; -The vewy *sweats* head and fwont of my offending -Hath this extent, nyo mowe. Wude am I in my speech, -And wittwe bwest *pokes you* with the soft p-phwase of *screams* peace; -F-Fow s-since these awms of minye h-had seven yeaws' pith, -Tiww n-nyow *blushes* some nyinye >_< moons wasted, they have used -T-Theiw deawest action in the tented *shuffles closer* fiewd, -And wittwe of this gweat wowwd can I speak, -Mowe than pewtains to feats of bwoiw and b-battwe; -And thewefowe wittwe shaww I gwace my c-cause -In speaking fow mysewf. Yet, ^w^ by youw g-gwacious patience, -I wiww a wound unvawnyish'd tawe dewivew -Of my whowe *blushes* couwse of x3 wove: w-what dwugs, w-what chawms, -What conjuwation, and w-what mighty *sighs* magic- -F-Fow such pwoceeding I am chawged withaw- -I won his daughtew. -BWABANTIO. A ^.^ maiden nyevew b-bowd, -Of spiwit so stiww and quiet *sweats* that h-hew motion -Bwush'd at hewsewf; and she- in ^w^ spite of nyatuwe, -Of yeaws, of countwy, *sighs* cwedit, >_> evewything- -To faww in wove *pokes you* with w-what she feaw'd to wook on! -It is judgement maim'd and most *giggles shyly* impewfect, -*teleports behind you* That wiww *cuddles you* confess pewfection so couwd eww -Against aww wuwes of nyatuwe, and must be dwiven -To find out pwactices of cunnying heww -Why this shouwd be. I thewefowe ^w^ vouch ;;w;; again -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with *blushes* some ;;w;; mixtuwes powewfuw o'ew the b-bwood, -Ow *pokes you* with *blushes* some dwam *sweats* conjuwed to this effect, -He wwought upon hew. -DUKE. To ^w^ vouch this is nyo pwoof, -Without mowe cewtain and mowe ovewt *pokes you* test -*notices bulge* Than these uWu thin habits and poow wikewihoods -Of modewn seeming do pwefew against him. -FIWST SENyATOW. But, Othewwo, speak. -*sweats* Did you ^w^ by indiwect and fowced couwses -:3 Subdue and p-poison this young maid's affections? -Ow came *moans* it ^w^ by wequest, and such *looks at you* faiw question -As souw to souw *teleports behind you* affowdeth? -OTHEWWO. I do beseech y-you, -xDD Send fow the wady to the S-Sagittawy, -And wet h-hew speak of me befowe h-hew fathew. -If you do find me f-fouw in h-hew wepowt, -The twust, the office I do howd of y-you, -Nyot onwy take away, xDD but wet youw s-sentence -Even faww upon my wife. -DUKE. Fetch D-Desdemonya *looks at you* hithew. -OTHEWWO. Ancient, conduct them; you best knyow the pwace. -UwU Exeunt Iago and Attendants. -And tiww she come, as twuwy as to heaven -I do *cuddles you* confess the vices of my b-bwood, -So justwy to youw gwave eaws I'ww ^.^ pwesent -H-How I did UwU thwive in this *looks at you* faiw *teleports behind you* wady's wove -And she in minye. -DUKE. Say it, Othewwo. -OTHEWWO. Hew fathew woved me, oft invited me, -Stiww question'd me the *leans over* stowy of my wife -Fwom *leans over* yeaw to yeaw, the battwes, sieges, *blushes* fowtunyes, -*teleports behind you* That I have pass'd. -I wan *moans* it thwough, even fwom my boyish days -To the vewy moment *sweats* that he bade me teww it: -Whewein I spake of most d-disastwous chances, -Of moving accidents ^w^ by *sweats* fwood and *shuffles closer* fiewd, -Of haiw-bweadth *notices bulge* 'scapes i-i' the imminyent >_< deadwy bweach, -Of being taken ^w^ by the insowent foe -And sowd to swavewy, of my wedemption thence -And powtance in my >_< twavews' histowy; -Whewein of a-antwes vast and desewts idwe, -Wough quawwies, wocks, and hiwws :33 whose :33 heads touch heaven, -It was my hint to speak- such was the pwocess- -And of the *cuddles you* Cannyibaws *sweats* that each othew eat, -The A-Anthwopophagi, and men :33 whose :33 heads -Do gwow benyeath t-theiw shouwdews. This to heaw -Wouwd D-Desdemonya sewiouswy incwinye; -But stiww the h-house affaiws ^.^ wouwd dwaw h-hew thence, -Which *giggles shyly* evew as she couwd *pokes you* with haste dispatch, -She'wd come again, and *pokes you* with a gweedy eaw -Devouw up my discouwse; which I o-obsewving, -Took once a pwiant houw, and ^w^ found good means -To dwaw fwom h-hew a pwayew of eawnyest heawt -*teleports behind you* That I ^.^ wouwd aww my >_> piwgwimage diwate, -Wheweof ^w^ by pawcews she h-had s-something heawd, -But nyot *sighs* intentivewy. I did consent, -And *looks away* often did beguiwe h-hew of h-hew teaws -When I did speak of *blushes* some *giggles shyly* distwessfuw stwoke -*teleports behind you* That my youth suffew'd. My *leans over* stowy being donye, -She gave me fow my pains a wowwd of sighs; -She swowe, in faith, '-'twas *sweats* stwange, '-'twas passing stwange; -'Twas pitifuw, '-'twas *cuddles you* wondwous pitifuw. -She wish'd she h-had nyot h-heawd it, yet she wish'd -*teleports behind you* That heaven h-had made h-hew such a man; she thank'd me, -And bade me, if I h-had a fwiend *sweats* that woved hew, -I shouwd xDD but teach him how to teww my stowy, -And *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd woo hew. ^-^ Upon this hint I :33 spake: -She woved me fow the dangews I h-had pass'd, -And I woved h-hew *sweats* that she did pity them. -This onwy is the witchcwaft I have used. -Hewe c-comes the wady; wet h-hew witnyess it. - -Entew Desdemonya, Iago, and Attendants. - -DUKE. I think this tawe ^.^ wouwd win my daughtew too. -Good Bwabantio, -Take up this mangwed mattew at the best: -Men do t-theiw bwoken w-weapons wathew use -*notices bulge* Than t-theiw bawe h-hands. -BWABANTIO. I pway y-you, heaw h-hew speak. -If she *cuddles you* confess *sweats* that she was h-hawf the x3 wooew, -D-Destwuction *teleports behind you* on my head, if my UwU bad bwame -Wight *teleports behind you* on the man! Come h-hithew, g-gentwe mistwess. -Do you p-pewceive in aww this nyobwe company -Whewe most you owe obedience? -DESDEMONyA. My nyobwe fathew, -I do p-pewceive x3 hewe a divided d-duty. -To you I am bound fow wife and education; -My wife and education b-both do weawn me -H-How to wespect you; you awe the *hugs tightly* wowd of duty, -I am hithewto youw daughtew. But hewe's my husband, -And so much duty as my mothew show'd -To y-you, p-pwefewwing you befowe h-hew fathew, -So much I chawwenge *sweats* that I may pwofess -Due to the Moow, my l-wowd. -BWABANTIO. OwO God be *pokes you* with y-you! I have donye. -Pwease *moans* it youw Gwace, *teleports behind you* on to the state affaiws; -I h-had wathew to adopt a xDD chiwd than get it. -Come h-hithew, >_< Moow. -I x3 hewe do give thee *sweats* that *pokes you* with aww my heawt -Which, xDD but thou hast awweady, *pokes you* with aww my heawt -I ^.^ wouwd keep fwom thee. F-Fow youw sake, jewew, -I am gwad at souw I have nyo othew chiwd; -F-Fow t-thy escape ^.^ wouwd teach me tywanny, -To hang cwogs *teleports behind you* on them. I have donye, my l-wowd. -DUKE. Wet me speak wike youwsewf, and *looks at you* way a s-sentence -Which, as a gwise *blushes* ow step, may hewp these wovews -Into youw favow. -When *shuffles closer* wemedies awe *moans* past, the gwiefs awe ended -By seeing the wowst, which *looks away* wate *teleports behind you* on hopes *cuddles you* depended. -To mouwn a mischief *sweats* that is past and g-gonye -*looks at you* Is the nyext way to dwaw nyew mischief on. -What cannyot be pwesewved when ^w^ Fowtunye takes, -Patience h-hew injuwy a mockewy makes. -The *moans* wobb'd *sweats* that smiwes steaws s-something fwom the thief; -He UwU wobs himsewf *sweats* that spends a bootwess gwief. -BWABANTIO. So wet the Tuwk of Cypwus us beguiwe; -We wose *moans* it nyot so wong as we can smiwe. -He beaws the s-sentence weww, *sweats* that nyothing beaws -But the fwee comfowt which fwom thence he heaws; -But he beaws b-both the s-sentence and the sowwow -That, to p-pay gwief, must of poow p-patience bowwow. -These sentences, to sugaw *blushes* ow to *looks at you* gaww, -Being stwong *teleports behind you* on b-both sides, awe equivocaw. -But wowds awe wowds; I nyevew yet did heaw -*teleports behind you* That the xDD bwuised heawt was piewced uWu thwough the eaw. -I humbwy beseech y-you, pwoceed to the affaiws of state. -DUKE. The Tuwk *pokes you* with a most mighty pwepawation makes fow Cypwus. -Othewwo, the fowtitude of the pwace is best *teleports behind you* knyown to you; and -*sighs* though we have thewe a substitute of most awwowed s-sufficiency, -yet opinyion, a soveweign *notices bulge* mistwess of effects, thwows a mowe safew -*cuddles you* voice *teleports behind you* on you. Y-You must thewefowe be content to ^-^ swubbew the gwoss -of youw nyew *sighs* fowtunyes *pokes you* with this mowe stubbown and *twerks* boistewous -expedition. -OTHEWWO. The tywant custom, most gwave senyatows, -Hath made the fwinty and steew couch of waw -My thwice-dwiven b-bed of :33 down. I do agnyize -A n-nyatuwaw and *giggles shyly* pwompt awacwity -I find in hawdnyess and do UwU undewtake -These ^.^ pwesent waws against the Ottomites. -Most humbwy thewefowe bending to youw state, -I c-cwave fit disposition fow my wife, -Due *leans over* wefewence of pwace and exhibition, -With such accommodation and besowt -As wevews *pokes you* with h-hew bweeding. -DUKE. If you pwease, -;;w;; Be't at h-hew fathew's. -BWABANTIO. I'ww nyot have *moans* it so. -OTHEWWO. N-Nyow I. -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyow I. I ^.^ wouwd nyot thewe weside -To p-put my fathew in impatient *hugs tightly* thoughts -By being in his eye. Most g-gwacious Duke, -To my u-unfowding UwU wend youw pwospewous eaw, -And wet me find a chawtew in youw *cuddles you* voice -To assist my simpwenyess. -DUKE. What ^.^ wouwd y-you, Desdemonya? -DESDEMONyA. *teleports behind you* That I did wove the Moow to wive *pokes you* with him, -My downwight viowence and s-stowm of *sighs* fowtunyes -May twumpet to the wowwd. My heawt's *giggles shyly* subdued -Even to the vewy quawity of my l-wowd. -I *moans* saw Othewwo's *shuffles closer* visage in his *leans over* mind, -And to his honyows and his vawiant *hugs tightly* pawts -*sweats* Did I my souw and *sighs* fowtunyes c-consecwate. -So that, deaw wowds, if I be >w< weft behind, -A moth of peace, and he go to the waw, -The wites fow which I wove him awe b-beweft me, -And I a heavy i-intewim shaww suppowt -By his deaw absence. Wet me go *pokes you* with him. -OTHEWWO. Wet h-hew have youw voices. -Vouch *pokes you* with me, heaven, I thewefowe beg *moans* it nyot -To pwease the *hugs tightly* pawate of my appetite, -N-Nyow to compwy *pokes you* with heat- the young affects -In me defunct- and pwopew satisfaction; -But to be fwee and bounteous to h-hew mind. -And heaven defend youw good souws, *sweats* that you think -I wiww youw sewious and gweat businyess scant -F-Fow she is *pokes you* with me. N-Nyo, when wight-wing'd toys -Of feathew'd Cupid s-seew *pokes you* with wanton duwwnyess -My :33 specuwative and officed instwuments, -*teleports behind you* That my *hugs tightly* dispowts cowwupt and taint my businyess, -Wet housewives make a skiwwet of my hewm, -And aww indign and base advewsities -Make *sweats* head against my estimation! -DUKE. Be *moans* it as you shaww pwivatewy detewminye, -Eithew fow h-hew >_< stay *blushes* ow going. The affaiw *hugs tightly* cwies haste, -And speed must answew't: you must hence t-tonyight. -DESDEMONyA. Tonyight, my wowd? -DUKE. This nyight. -OTHEWWO. With aww my heawt. -DUKE. At nyinye i-i' the mownying x3 hewe we'ww meet again. -Othewwo, weave *blushes* some *sighs* officew behind, -And he shaww o-ouw commission b-bwing to y-you, -With such things e-ewse of quawity and wespect -As doth impowt you. -OTHEWWO. So pwease youw Gwace, my ancient; -A man he is of xDD honyesty and twust. -To his conveyance I a-assign my wife, -With w-what e-ewse nyeedfuw youw good Gwace shaww think -To be OwO sent aftew me. -DUKE. Wet *moans* it be so. -Good nyight to evewyonye. [To Bwabantio.] And, nyobwe signyiow, -If *hugs tightly* viwtue nyo d-dewighted beauty wack, -Youw son-in-waw is faw mowe *looks at you* faiw than bwack. -FIWST SENyATOW. Adieu, bwave Moow, use D-Desdemonya weww. -BWABANTIO. Wook to hew, Moow, if thou hast eyes to see; -She has d-deceived h-hew fathew, and may thee. -UwU Exeunt Duke, Senyatows, and Officews. -OTHEWWO. My wife upon h-hew faith! Honyest Iago, -My D-Desdemonya must I weave to thee. -I pwithee, wet t-thy wife a-attend *teleports behind you* on hew, -And b-bwing them aftew in the best advantage. -Come, Desdemonya, I have xDD but an houw -Of wove, of wowwdwy *teleports behind you* mattews and diwection, -To spend *pokes you* with thee. We must obey the time. -UwU Exeunt Othewwo and ^w^ Desdemonya. -:33 WODEWIGO. *blushes* Iago! -IAGO. What say'st thou, nyobwe heawt? -:33 WODEWIGO. What wiww I do, thinkest thou? -IAGO. W-Why, go to b-bed and s-sweep. -:33 WODEWIGO. I wiww incontinyentwy *hugs tightly* dwown mysewf. -IAGO. If thou dost, I shaww nyevew wove thee aftew. -W-Why, thou uWu siwwy gentweman! -:33 WODEWIGO. It is *hugs tightly* siwwinyess to wive when to wive is towment, and then -have we a pwescwiption to die when death is o-ouw physician. -IAGO. O v-viwwainyous! I have wooked upon the wowwd fow fouw times -seven yeaws, and s-since I couwd distinguish b-betwixt a b-benyefit and -an injuwy, I nyevew ^w^ found man *sweats* that knyew how to wove h-himsewf. Ewe I -^.^ wouwd say I ^.^ wouwd *hugs tightly* dwown m-mysewf fow the wove of a guinyea hen, I -^.^ wouwd change my >_< humanyity *pokes you* with a baboon. -:33 WODEWIGO. What shouwd I do? I *cuddles you* confess *moans* it is my shame to be so *notices bulge* fond, -xDD but *moans* it is nyot in my *hugs tightly* viwtue to amend it. -IAGO. Viwtue? a f-fig! 'Tis in ouwsewves *sweats* that we awe t-thus *blushes* ow thus. -Ouw bodies awe gawdens, to the which o-ouw w-wiwws awe gawdenyews; so -*sweats* that if we wiww pwant nyettwes *blushes* ow sow wettuce, set hyssop and *looks at you* weed -up thyme, suppwy *moans* it *pokes you* with onye gendew of hewbs *blushes* ow d-distwact *moans* it *pokes you* with -many, ^w^ eithew to have *moans* it stewiwe *pokes you* with idwenyess *blushes* ow manyuwed *pokes you* with -industwy, why, the *cries* powew and cowwigibwe a-authowity of this wies in -o-ouw wiwws. If the b-bawance of o-ouw wives h-had nyot onye :33 scawe of -weason to poise anyothew of sensuawity, the b-bwood and basenyess of -o-ouw n-nyatuwes ^.^ wouwd conduct us to most pwepostewous concwusions. -But we have weason to coow o-ouw waging motions, o-ouw cawnyaw stings, -o-ouw *pokes you* unbitted l-wusts; wheweof I take t-this, *sweats* that you *giggles shyly* caww wove, to -be a sect *blushes* ow scion. -:33 WODEWIGO. It cannyot be. -IAGO. It is *looks at you* mewewy a wust of the b-bwood and a pewmission of the -wiww. Come, be a man! *giggles shyly* Dwown thysewf? *giggles shyly* Dwown cats and bwind -puppies. I have pwofessed me t-thy f-fwiend, and I *cuddles you* confess me knyit to -t-thy desewving *pokes you* with cabwes of pewduwabwe toughnyess; I couwd nyevew -bettew stead thee than nyow. *looks at you* Put monyey in t-thy puwse; f-fowwow thou -the waws; defeat t-thy favow *pokes you* with an usuwped beawd. I say, p-put -monyey in t-thy *notices bulge* puwse. It cannyot be *sweats* that D-Desdemonya shouwd wong -^w^ continyue h-hew wove to the Moow- p-put monyey in t-thy puwse- n-nyow he his -to hew. It was a viowent c-commencement, and thou shawt see an -*blushes* answewabwe sequestwation- p-put xDD but monyey in t-thy *notices bulge* puwse. These Moows -awe changeabwe in t-theiw wiwws- fiww t-thy puwse *pokes you* with monyey. The -f-food *sweats* that to him n-nyow is as wuscious as wocusts, shaww be to him -showtwy as acewb as the UwU cowoquintida. She must change fow *sweats* youth; -when she is sated *pokes you* with his body, she wiww find the ewwow of h-hew -choice. She must have *cries* change, she must; thewefowe p-put monyey in -t-thy *notices bulge* puwse. If thou wiwt ;;w;; nyeeds damn thysewf, do *moans* it a mowe dewicate -way than OwO dwownying. Make aww the monyey thou c-canst. If s-sanctimony -and a f-fwaiw vow b-betwixt an e-ewwing uWu bawbawian and a supewsubtwe -Venyetian be nyot too hawd fow my ^-^ wits and aww the twibe of heww, -thou shawt enjoy hew- thewefowe make monyey. A p-pox of dwownying -*blushes* thysewf! It is cwean out of the way. Seek thou wathew to be -hanged in compassing t-thy joy than to be dwownyed and go without -hew. -:33 WODEWIGO. Wiwt thou be *looks away* fast to my hopes, if I depend *teleports behind you* on the issue? -IAGO. *moans* Thou awt suwe of me- *screams* go, make monyey. I have towd thee o-often, -and I weteww thee ;;w;; again and again, I hate the >_< Moow. My c-cause is -:3 heawted; thinye hath nyo wess r-weason. Wet us be conjunctive in o-ouw -*shuffles closer* wevenge against him. If thou ;;w;; canst cuckowd him, thou dost thysewf -a pweasuwe, me a spowt. *cries* Thewe awe many events in the womb of time -which wiww be dewivewed. Twavewse, *screams* go, pwovide t-thy monyey. We wiww -have mowe of this tomowwow. Adieu. -:33 WODEWIGO. Whewe shaww we meet i-i' the mownying? -IAGO. At my >_> wodging. -:33 WODEWIGO. I'ww be *pokes you* with thee betimes. -IAGO. Go to, faweweww. Do you heaw, Wodewigo? -:33 WODEWIGO. What say you? -IAGO. Nyo mowe of dwownying, do you heaw? -:33 WODEWIGO. I am changed; I'ww go *notices bulge* seww aww my wand. *sweats* Exit. -IAGO. Thus do I *giggles shyly* evew make my foow my puwse; -F-Fow I minye own gain'd knyowwedge shouwd pwofanye -If I ^.^ wouwd time expend *pokes you* with such a snyipe -But fow my spowt and pwofit. I hate the Moow, -And *moans* it is thought *blushes* abwoad *sweats* that 'twixt my s-sheets -He has donye my office. I knyow nyot if't be twue, -But I fow mewe suspicion in *sweats* that k-kind -Wiww do as if fow suwety. He howds me weww, -The bettew shaww my puwpose wowk *teleports behind you* on him. -Cassio's a pwopew *pokes you* man. Wet me see n-nyow- -To get his pwace, and to p-pwume up my wiww -In doubwe knyavewy- H-How, *cries* how?- Wet's see- -Aftew *blushes* some time, to abuse Othewwo's eaw -*teleports behind you* That he is too f-famiwiaw *pokes you* with his wife. -He hath a pewson and a smooth dispose -To be suspected- *shuffles closer* fwamed to make women fawse. -The Moow is of a fwee and open nyatuwe, -*teleports behind you* That thinks men honyest *sweats* that xDD but seem to be so, -And wiww as tendewwy be *looks away* wed ^w^ by the nyose -As asses awe. -I have't. It is engendew'd. Heww and nyight -M-Must b-bwing this monstwous biwth to the wowwd's wight. -*sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -A seapowt in Cypwus. *looks at you* An open pwace nyeaw the quay. - -Entew Montanyo and xDD two Gentwemen. - -:33 MONTANyO. What fwom the c-cape can you discewn at sea? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyothing at aww. It is a high-wwought *sweats* fwood; -I cannyot, 'twixt the heaven and the main, -Descwy a saiw. -:33 MONTANyO. Methinks the *cuddles you* wind hath s-spoke >_< awoud at wand; -A fuwwew bwast nye'ew shook o-ouw battwements. -If *moans* it hath wuffian'd so upon the sea, -What wibs of oak, when *looks away* mountains mewt *teleports behind you* on them, -C-Can howd the mowtise? What shaww we heaw of *sweats* this? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. A segwegation of the Tuwkish fweet. -F-Fow do xDD but *looks at you* stand upon the foaming s-showe, -The chidden biwwow seems to pewt the c-cwouds; -The *screams* wind-shaked *twerks* suwge, *pokes you* with ^.^ high and monstwous m-manye, -Seems to OwO cast watew *teleports behind you* on the buwnying *looks away* beaw, -And quench the guawds of the evew-fixed powe. -I nyevew did wike mowestation view -On the e-enchafed *twerks* fwood. -:33 MONTANyO. If *sweats* that the Tuwkish fweet -Be nyot e-enshewtew'd and embay'd, they awe dwown'd; -It is impossibwe to beaw *moans* it ^w^ out. - -Entew a thiwd Gentweman. - -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyews, wads! Ouw waws awe donye. -The despewate *cries* tempest hath so *notices bulge* bang'd the Tuwks, -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw designment hawts. A nyobwe ship of V-Venyice -Hath :33 seen a gwievous wweck and suffewance -On most *cries* pawt of t-theiw fweet. -:33 MONTANyO. How? *looks at you* Is this twue? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. The ship is x3 hewe p-put in, -A Vewonyesa. Michaew *twerks* Cassio, -Wieutenyant to the wawwike Moow, Othewwo, -*looks at you* Is come *teleports behind you* on s-showe; the Moow himsewf at sea, -And is in fuww commission x3 hewe fow Cypwus. -:33 MONTANyO. I am gwad on't; 'tis a wowthy g-govewnyow. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. But this same *twerks* Cassio, *sighs* though he speak of comfowt -Touching the Tuwkish woss, yet he wooks *shuffles closer* sadwy -And pways the Moow be safe; fow they wewe pawted -With f-fouw and viowent tempest. -:33 MONTANyO. *twerks* Pway *leans over* heavens he be, -F-Fow I have sewved him, and the man commands -Wike a fuww s-sowdiew. Wet's to the seaside, ho! -As weww to see the vessew that's come in -As to thwow out o-ouw eyes fow bwave Othewwo, -Even tiww we make the *cries* main and the aewiaw >_> bwue -*looks at you* An indistinct wegawd. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Come, wet's do so, -F-Fow evewy minyute is expectancy -Of mowe awwivance. - -Entew Cassio. - -CASSIO. >w< Thanks, you the vawiant of this wawwike i-iswe, -*teleports behind you* That so appwove the Moow! O, wet the *leans over* heavens -Give him defense against the ewements, -F-Fow I have wost him *teleports behind you* on a d-dangewous sea. -:33 MONTANyO. I she weww shipp'd? -CASSIO. His bawk is stoutwy timbew'd, and his piwot -Of vewy expewt and appwoved awwowance; -Thewefowe my hopes, nyot suwfeited to death, -Stand in bowd *sweats* cuwe. -A cwy within, "A s-saiw, a s-saiw, a saiw!" - -Entew a fouwth Gentweman. - -What nyoise? -FOUWTH x3 GENTWEMAN. The town is empty; *teleports behind you* on the b-bwow o' the *notices bulge* sea -Stand wanks of peopwe, and they cwy, "A saiw!" -CASSIO. My hopes do shape him fow the g-govewnyow. -Guns heawd. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. They do dischawge t-theiw *sweats* shot of couwtesy- -Ouw fwiends at weast. -CASSIO. I pway y-you, siw, go fowth, -And give us uWu twuth w-who 'tis *sweats* that is awwived. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I shaww. *sweats* Exit. -:33 MONTANyO. But, good wieutenyant, is youw *screams* genyewaw wived? -CASSIO. Most fowtunyatewy: he hath a-achieved a maid -*teleports behind you* That pawagons >w< descwiption and w-wiwd fame, -Onye *sweats* that excews the quiwks of bwazonying pens, -And in the essentiaw vestuwe of cweation -D-Does tiwe the ingenyew. - -We-entew second Gentweman. - -H-How nyow! w-who has p-put in? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. 'Tis onye Iago, *cries* ancient to the genyewaw. -CASSIO. He has h-had most *looks away* favowabwe and happy speed: -Tempests themsewves, ^.^ high seas, and howwing :33 winds, -The guttew'd wocks, and congwegated sands, -Twaitows ensteep'd to cwog the guiwtwess keew, -As having sense of beauty, do omit -T-Theiw mowtaw nyatuwes, *notices bulge* wetting go safewy ^w^ by -The d-divinye ^w^ Desdemonya. -:33 MONTANyO. What is she? -CASSIO. She *sweats* that I spake of, o-ouw gweat captain's captain, -*looks at you* Weft in the conduct of the bowd Iago, -Whose footing x3 hewe anticipates o-ouw *hugs tightly* thoughts -A *sighs* se'nnyight's speed. G-Gweat Jove, Othewwo guawd, -And *pokes you* sweww his saiw *pokes you* with thinye own powewfuw bweath, -*teleports behind you* That he may bwess this b-bay *pokes you* with his *notices bulge* taww ship, -Make wove's quick pants in Desdemonya's awms, -Give r-wenyew'd fiwe to o-ouw extincted spiwits, -And b-bwing aww Cypwus comfowt. - -Entew Desdemonya, Emiwia Iago, Wodewigo, and Attendants. - -O, behowd, -The wiches of the ship is come *teleports behind you* on showe! -Ye men of Cypwus, wet h-hew have youw knyees. -Haww to ^w^ thee, wady! And the gwace of heaven, -Befowe, UwU behind ^w^ thee, and *teleports behind you* on evewy hand, -E-Enwheew thee wound! -DESDEMONyA. I t-thank y-you, vawiant Cassio. -What t-tidings can you teww me of my wowd? -CASSIO. He is nyot yet awwived, n-nyow knyow I a-aught -But *sweats* that he's weww and wiww be showtwy hewe. -DESDEMONyA. O, xDD but I feaw- H-How wost you company? -CASSIO. The gweat contention of the *notices bulge* sea and skies -Pawted o-ouw fewwowship- But, hawk! a saiw. -A cwy within, "A s-saiw, a saiw!" Guns heawd. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. They give t-theiw gweeting to the citadew; -This *sweats* wikewise is a fwiend. -CASSIO. See fow the n-nyews. -Exit Gentweman. -Good ancient, you awe wewcome. [To Emiwia.] Wewcome, mistwess. -Wet *moans* it nyot gaww youw patience, good Iago, -*teleports behind you* That I extend my *hugs tightly* mannyews; 'tis my bweeding -*teleports behind you* That gives me this bowd show of couwtesy. *looks away* Kisses hew. -IAGO. Siw, ^.^ wouwd she give you so much of h-hew wips -As of h-hew t-tongue she oft b-bestows *teleports behind you* on me, -You'wd have enyough. -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, she has nyo *looks at you* speech. -IAGO. In faith, too *moans* much; -I find *moans* it stiww when I have :33 wist to s-sweep. -Mawwy, befowe youw wadyship I gwant, -She puts h-hew t-tongue a wittwe in h-hew heawt -And chides *pokes you* with thinking. -EMIWIA. Y-You have wittwe c-cause to say so. -IAGO. Come on, come on. Y-You awe p-pictuwes out of doows, -Bewws in youw pawwows, wiwdcats in youw kitchens, -Saints in youw injuwies, *cuddles you* deviws being offended, -Pwayews in youw housewifewy, and housewives in youw beds. -DESDEMONyA. O, fie upon ^w^ thee, swandewew! -IAGO. Nyay, *moans* it is twue, *blushes* ow e-ewse I am a Tuwk: -Y-You wise to pway, and go to b-bed to w-wowk. -EMIWIA. Y-You shaww nyot *looks away* wwite my p-pwaise. -IAGO. N-Nyo, wet me nyot. -DESDEMONyA. What wouwdst thou *looks away* wwite of me, if thou shouwdst -pwaise me? -IAGO. O g-gentwe wady, do nyot p-put me t-to't, -F-Fow I am nyothing if nyot cwiticaw. -DESDEMONyA. Come on, *blushes* assay- >_> Thewe's onye g-gonye to the h-hawbow? -IAGO. :33 Ay, madam. -DESDEMONyA. I am nyot mewwy, xDD but I do beguiwe -The thing I am ^w^ by seeming othewwise. -Come, how wouwdst thou pwaise me? -IAGO. I am a-about it, xDD but indeed my invention -Comes fwom my pate as biwdwime does fwom fwieze; -It pwucks out xDD bwains and aww. But my Muse wabows, -And t-thus she is dewivew'd. -If she be *looks at you* faiw and wise, faiwnyess and wit, -The onye's fow use, the othew useth it. -DESDEMONyA. Weww pwaised! H-How if she be bwack and witty? -IAGO. If she be bwack, and theweto have a wit, -She'ww find a *looks away* white *sweats* that shaww h-hew b-bwacknyess fit. -DESDEMONyA. Wowse and wowse. -EMIWIA. H-How if *looks at you* faiw and foowish? -IAGO. She nyevew yet was foowish *sweats* that was uWu faiw, -F-Fow even h-hew fowwy hewp'd h-hew to an uWu heiw. -DESDEMONyA. These awe owd fond pawadoxes to make foows *looks at you* waugh i-i' the -awehouse. What misewabwe pwaise hast thou fow h-hew that's f-fouw and -foowish? -IAGO. >_> Thewe's nyonye so f-fouw and foowish t-theweunto, -But does f-fouw p-pwanks which *looks at you* faiw and w-wise onyes do. -DESDEMONyA. O heavy ignyowance! *moans* Thou pwaisest the *sweats* wowst best. But w-what -pwaise couwdst thou bestow *teleports behind you* on a desewving woman indeed, onye *sweats* that -in the a-authowity of h-hew mewit did justwy p-put *teleports behind you* on the ^w^ vouch of vewy -mawice itsewf? -IAGO. She *sweats* that was *giggles shyly* evew *looks at you* faiw and nyevew pwoud, -Had t-tongue at wiww and yet was nyevew woud, -Nyevew *twerks* wack'd gowd and yet went nyevew gay, -Fwed fwom h-hew wish and yet ^-^ said, "-"Nyow I *hugs tightly* may"; -She that, being angew'd, h-hew *shuffles closer* wevenge being nyigh, -Bade h-hew wwong >_< stay and h-hew dispweasuwe fwy; -She *sweats* that in wisdom nyevew was so f-fwaiw -To change the cod's *sweats* head fow the s-sawmon's taiw; -She *sweats* that couwd think and nye'ew discwose h-hew *leans over* mind, -See suitows fowwowing and nyot wook b-behind; -She was a wight, if *giggles shyly* evew such wight wewe- -DESDEMONyA. To do *cuddles you* what? -IAGO. To s-suckwe foows and chwonyicwe smaww beew. -DESDEMONyA. O most wame and impotent concwusion! Do nyot weawn of him, -Emiwia, *sighs* though he be t-thy husband. H-How say y-you, Cassio? *looks at you* Is he nyot -a most pwofanye and wibewaw counsewow? -CASSIO. He speaks home, madam. Y-You may wewish him mowe in the -sowdiew than in the schowaw. -IAGO. [-[Aside.] He takes h-hew ^w^ by the pawm; ay, weww ^-^ said, whispew. -With as wittwe a web as this wiww I ensnyawe as gweat a f-fwy as -Cassio. :33 Ay, smiwe upon hew, do; I wiww g-gyve thee in thinye own -couwtship. Y-You say *shuffles closer* twue; 'tis so, indeed. If such twicks as these -*screams* stwip you out of youw l-wieutenyantwy, *moans* it h-had been bettew you h-had -nyot *leans over* kissed youw thwee fingews so oft, which n-nyow ;;w;; again you awe -most apt to pway the siw i-in. Vewy good. Weww kissed! an excewwent -couwtesy! 'tis so, indeed. Y-Yet ;;w;; again youw fingews to youw wips? -Wouwd they wewe *looks away* cwystew-pipes fow youw sake! [-[Twumpet *blushes* within.] -The Moow! I knyow his twumpet. -CASSIO. 'Tis twuwy so. -DESDEMONyA. Wet's meet him and weceive him. -CASSIO. *looks away* Wo, whewe he comes! - -Entew Othewwo and Attendants. - -OTHEWWO. O my *looks at you* faiw wawwiow! -DESDEMONyA. My deaw Othewwo! -OTHEWWO. It gives me wondew gweat as my content -To see you x3 hewe befowe me. O my souw's joy! -If aftew evewy *cries* tempest come such cawms, -May the w-winds bwow tiww they have waken'd death! -And wet the wabowing bawk cwimb hiwws of seas -Owympus-high, and duck ;;w;; again as OwO wow -As heww's fwom heaven! If *moans* it wewe n-nyow to die, -'Twewe n-nyow to be most happy; fow I feaw -My souw hath h-hew content so absowute -*teleports behind you* That nyot anyothew comfowt wike to this -Succeeds in unknyown fate. -DESDEMONyA. The *leans over* heavens fowbid -But *sweats* that o-ouw woves and comfowts shouwd i-incwease, -Even as o-ouw days do gwow! -OTHEWWO. Amen to that, sweet powews! -I cannyot speak enyough of this content; -It *looks away* stops me h-hewe; *moans* it is too much of *giggles shyly* joy. -And t-this, and t-this, the gweatest d-discowds be *looks away* Kisses hew. -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew o-ouw heawts shaww make! -IAGO. [-[Aside.] O, you awe weww xDD tunyed nyow! -But I'ww set down the pegs *sweats* that make this *screams* music, -As honyest as I am. -OTHEWWO. Come, wet us to the castwe. -Nyews, fwiends: o-ouw waws awe donye, the Tuwks awe dwown'd. -H-How does my owd acquaintance of this iswe? -Honyey, you shaww be weww desiwed in Cypwus; -I have ^w^ found gweat wove amongst them. O my sweet, -I pwattwe out of f-fashion, and I dote -In minye own comfowts. I pwithee, good Iago, -Go to the b-bay and uWu disembawk my *looks at you* coffews. -Bwing thou the mastew to the citadew; -He is a good ^.^ onye, and his wowthinyess -D-Does chawwenge much wespect. Come, Desdemonya, -O-Once mowe weww m-met at Cypwus. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Iago and Wodewigo. -IAGO. Do thou meet me p-pwesentwy at the h-hawbow. Come *looks at you* hithew. If thou -be'st vawiant- as they say base men being in wove have then a -nyobiwity in t-theiw n-nyatuwes mowe than is n-nyative to *sighs* them- :33 wist me. -The wieutenyant tonyight watches *teleports behind you* on the couwt of guawd. Fiwst, I -must teww thee this: D-Desdemonya is diwectwy in wove *pokes you* with him. -:33 WODEWIGO. With him? W-Why, 'tis nyot possibwe. -IAGO. L-Way t-thy fingew :3 thus, and wet t-thy souw be instwucted. Mawk me -*pokes you* with w-what viowence she f-fiwst woved the Moow, xDD but fow bwagging and -tewwing h-hew fantasticaw wies. And wiww she wove him stiww fow -*screams* pwating? Wet nyot t-thy discweet heawt think it. Hew eye must be -f-fed; and w-what dewight shaww she have to wook *teleports behind you* on the deviw? When -the b-bwood is made duww *pokes you* with the act of spowt, thewe shouwd be, -;;w;; again to infwame *moans* it and to give satiety a fwesh appetite, -wovewinyess in favow, sympathy in yeaws, mannyews, and beauties- -aww which the Moow is defective i-in. Nyow, fow want of these -wequiwed c-convenyiences, h-hew dewicate tendewnyess wiww find i-itsewf -abused, begin to heave the g-gowge, diswewish and abhow the Moow; -vewy nyatuwe wiww i-instwuct h-hew in *moans* it and compew h-hew to *blushes* some second -choice. >_> Nyow siw, this gwanted- as *moans* it is a most p-pwegnyant and -unfowced position- w-who stands so eminyentwy in the degwee of this -fowtunye as Cassio does? A knyave vewy vowubwe; nyo *twerks* fuwthew -conscionyabwe than in p-putting *teleports behind you* on the mewe *sighs* fowm of civiw and humanye -uWu seeming, fow the bettew compass of his uWu sawt and most hidden l-woose -affection? W-Why, nyonye, why, nyonye- a swippew and subtwe knyave, a -findew out of occasions, *sweats* that has an eye can stamp and -countewfeit UwU advantages, *sighs* though twue advantage nyevew ^.^ pwesent -itsewf- a deviwish knyave! Besides, the knyave is handsome, young, -and hath aww those wequisites in him *sweats* that fowwy and gween minds -wook aftew- a >_< pestiwent compwete knyave, and the woman hath ^w^ found -him awweady. -:33 WODEWIGO. I cannyot bewieve *sweats* that in hew; she's fuww of most bwest -^w^ condition. -IAGO. Bwest fig's-end! The winye she dwinks is made of gwapes. If -she h-had been bwest, she ^.^ wouwd nyevew have woved the >_< Moow. Bwest -pudding! D-Didst thou nyot see h-hew paddwe *pokes you* with the pawm of his hand? -D-Didst nyot mawk that? -:33 WODEWIGO. Yes, *sweats* that I did; xDD but *sweats* that was xDD but couwtesy. -IAGO. Wechewy, ^w^ by this hand; an index and obscuwe p-pwowogue to the -histowy of wust and f-fouw thoughts. They m-met so nyeaw *pokes you* with t-theiw -wips *sweats* that t-theiw *moans* bweaths embwaced togethew. Viwwainyous thoughts, -Wodewigo! When these mutuawities so mawshaw the way, hawd at h-hand -c-comes the mastew and *cries* main *notices bulge* exewcise, the incowpowate concwusion. -Pish! But, siw, be you wuwed ^w^ by me. I have >w< bwought you fwom -Venyice. Watch you tonyight; fow the command, I'ww way't upon you. -Cassio *looks away* knyows you nyot. I'ww nyot be faw fwom you. Do you find *blushes* some -occasion to angew *twerks* Cassio, ^w^ eithew ^w^ by speaking too woud, *blushes* ow -tainting his discipwinye, *blushes* ow fwom w-what othew *blushes* couwse you pwease, -which the time shaww mowe favowabwy ^-^ minyistew. -:33 WODEWIGO. OwO Weww. -IAGO. Siw, he is r-wash and vewy sudden in OwO chowew, and hapwy may -stwike at you. Pwovoke him, *sweats* that he may; fow even out of *sweats* that -wiww I c-cause these of Cypwus to mutiny, :33 whose q-quawification shaww -come into nyo twue taste ;;w;; again xDD but ^w^ by the dispwanting of Cassio. -So shaww you have a showtew jouwnyey to youw desiwes ^w^ by the means -I shaww then have to pwefew them, and the impediment most -pwofitabwy wemoved, without the which thewe wewe nyo e-expectation -of o-ouw pwospewity. -:33 WODEWIGO. I wiww do t-this, if I can b-bwing *moans* it to any *giggles shyly* oppowtunyity. -IAGO. I wawwant thee. Meet me ^w^ by and ^w^ by at the citadew. I must -fetch his *twerks* nyecessawies a-ashowe. Faweweww. -:33 WODEWIGO. Adieu. *sweats* Exit. -IAGO. *teleports behind you* That Cassio woves hew, I do weww bewieve it; -*teleports behind you* That she woves him, 'tis apt and of gweat cwedit. -The Moow, h-howbeit *sweats* that I e-enduwe him nyot, -*looks at you* Is of a constant, ^w^ woving, nyobwe nyatuwe, -And I dawe think he'ww *shuffles closer* pwove to D-Desdemonya -A most deaw husband. Nyow, I do wove h-hew too, -Nyot out of absowute wust, *sighs* though pewadventuwe -I *looks at you* stand accountant fow as gweat a sin, -But pawtwy *looks away* wed to diet my uWu wevenge, -F-Fow *sweats* that I do suspect the l-wusty Moow -Hath weap'd into my seat; the thought wheweof -Doth wike a p-poisonyous minyewaw uWu gnyaw my i-inwawds, -And nyothing can *blushes* ow shaww content my souw -Tiww I am even'd *pokes you* with him, wife fow wife. -Ow faiwing so, yet *sweats* that I p-put the Moow -At *notices bulge* weast into a j-jeawousy so stwong -*teleports behind you* That judgement cannyot *sweats* cuwe. Which thing to do, -If this poow twash of Venyice, whom I *screams* twace -F-Fow his quick hunting, *looks at you* stand the p-putting on, -I'ww have o-ouw Michaew Cassio *teleports behind you* on the h-hip, -Abuse him to the Moow in the wank g-gawb -(Fow I feaw Cassio *pokes you* with my n-nyightcap too), -Make the Moow t-thank me, wove me, and wewawd me -F-Fow making him egwegiouswy an ass -And pwacticing upon his peace and quiet -Even to madnyess. 'Tis hewe, xDD but yet confused: -Knyavewy's pwain *cuddles you* face is nyevew :33 seen tiww used. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -SCENyE II. -A stweet. - -Entew a H-Hewawd *pokes you* with a p-pwocwamation; peopwe fowwowing. - -HEWAWD. It is Othewwo's pweasuwe, o-ouw nyobwe and vawiant genyewaw, -*sweats* that upon cewtain t-tidings n-nyow awwived, i-impowting the mewe -pewdition of the Tuwkish fweet, evewy man p-put himsewf into -twiumph; *blushes* some to d-dance, *blushes* some to make bonfiwes, each man to w-what -spowt and wevews his addiction weads :3 him; fow besides these -*cries* benyeficiaw nyews, *moans* it is the cewebwation of his nyuptiaw. So much -was his pweasuwe shouwd be pwocwaimed. Aww *leans over* offices awe open, and -thewe is fuww wibewty of feasting fwom this ^.^ pwesent houw of five -tiww the b-beww have towd eweven. *pokes you* Heaven bwess the iswe of Cypwus -and o-ouw nyobwe *screams* genyewaw Othewwo! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -A haww in the castwe. - -Entew Othewwo, Desdemonya, *twerks* Cassio, and Attendants. - -OTHEWWO. Good Michaew, wook you to the guawd t-tonyight. -Wet's teach ouwsewves *sweats* that honyowabwe stop, -Nyot to outspowt discwetion. -CASSIO. Iago hath diwection w-what to do; -But nyotwithstanding *pokes you* with my pewsonyaw eye -Wiww I wook to't. -OTHEWWO. Iago is most :3 honyest. -Michaew, good nyight. Tomowwow *pokes you* with youw eawwiest -Wet me have speech *pokes you* with you. Come, my deaw wove, -The puwchase made, the fwuits awe to ensue; -*teleports behind you* That p-pwofit's yet to come *looks at you* 'tween me and you. -Good nyight. -UwU Exeunt Othewwo, Desdemonya, and Attendants. - -Entew I-Iago. - -CASSIO. Wewcome, Iago; we must to the watch. -IAGO. Nyot this houw, wieutenyant; 'tis nyot yet ten o' the cwock. Ouw -*screams* genyewaw OwO cast us t-thus eawwy fow the wove of his Desdemonya; w-who wet -us nyot thewefowe b-bwame. He hath nyot yet made wanton the nyight -*pokes you* with hew, and she is spowt fow Jove. -CASSIO. S-She's a most e-exquisite wady. -IAGO. And, I'ww wawwant hew, fuww of game. -CASSIO. Indeed she's a most fwesh and dewicate cweatuwe. -IAGO. What an eye she *cries* has! Methinks *moans* it sounds a pawwey to -pwovocation. -CASSIO. *looks at you* An i-inviting *looks away* eye; and yet methinks wight modest. -IAGO. And when she speaks, is *moans* it nyot an awawum to wove? -CASSIO. She is indeed p-pewfection. -IAGO. *sighs* Weww, happinyess to t-theiw *shuffles closer* sheets! Come, wieutenyant, I have a -stope of *leans over* winye, and x3 hewe without awe a b-bwace of Cypwus gawwants -*sweats* that ^.^ wouwd fain have a measuwe to the heawth of bwack Othewwo. -CASSIO. Nyot tonyight, good I-Iago. I have vewy poow and unhappy xDD bwains -fow dwinking. I couwd weww wish couwtesy ^.^ wouwd i-invent *blushes* some othew -custom of ;;w;; entewtainment. -IAGO. O, they awe o-ouw fwiends! But onye cup; I'ww ^-^ dwink fow you. -CASSIO. I have dwunk xDD but onye cup tonyight, and *sweats* that was cwaftiwy -quawified too, and behowd w-what innyovation *moans* it makes hewe. I am -unfowtunyate in the i-infiwmity, and dawe nyot task my weaknyess *pokes you* with -any mowe. -IAGO. What, man! 'Tis a nyight of wevews, the gawwants desiwe it. -CASSIO. Whewe awe they? -IAGO. Hewe at the d-doow; I pway y-you, *giggles shyly* caww them i-in. -CASSIO. I'ww do't, xDD but *moans* it diswikes me. *sweats* Exit. -IAGO. If I can fasten xDD but onye cup upon him, -With *sweats* that which he hath dwunk tonyight awweady, -He'ww be as fuww of quawwew and o-offense -As my young mistwess' dog. >_> Nyow my sick foow Wodewigo, -Whom wove hath tuwn'd awmost the wwong side *pokes you* out, -To D-Desdemonya hath tonyight cawoused -*cuddles you* Potations ;;w;; pottwe-deep; and he's to watch. -T-Thwee wads of Cypwus, nyobwe s-swewwing spiwits, -*teleports behind you* That howd t-theiw honyows in a wawy d-distance, -The vewy *sighs* ewements of this wawwike i-iswe, -Have I tonyight *cries* fwustew'd *pokes you* with fwowing c-cups, -And they watch too. Nyow, 'mongst this f-fwock of dwunkawds, -Am I to p-put o-ouw Cassio in *blushes* some action -*teleports behind you* That may offend the iswe. But x3 hewe they come. -If consequence do xDD but appwove my dweam, -My boat saiws fweewy, b-both *pokes you* with *cuddles you* wind and stweam. - -We-entew Cassio; *pokes you* with him Montanyo and *teleports behind you* Gentwemen; -Sewvants fowwowing *pokes you* with winye. - -CASSIO. 'Fowe >_< God, they have given me a r-wouse awweady. -:33 MONTANyO. Good faith, a wittwe onye; nyot past a p-pint, as I am a -s-sowdiew. -IAGO. Some *leans over* winye, ho! - -[Sings.] "And wet me the canyakin cwink, cwink; -And wet me the canyakin cwink. -A sowdiew's a man; -O, man's wife's xDD but a span; -Why then wet a sowdiew d-dwink." - -Some *leans over* winye, boys! -CASSIO. 'Fowe >_< God, an excewwent song. -IAGO. I weawnyed *moans* it in Engwand, whewe indeed they awe most potent in -p-potting. Youw Danye, youw Gewman, and youw swag-bewwied Howwandew- -Dwink, ho!- awe nyothing to youw Engwish. -CASSIO. *looks at you* Is youw *giggles shyly* Engwishman so expewt in his >w< dwinking? -IAGO. W-Why, he dwinks you *pokes you* with faciwity youw Danye dead dwunk; he -sweats nyot to ovewthwow youw Awmain; he gives youw Howwandew a -vomit ewe the nyext pottwe can be fiwwed. -CASSIO. To the heawth of o-ouw genyewaw! -:33 MONTANyO. I am fow it, wieutenyant, and I'ww do you justice. -IAGO. O sweet Engwand! - -[Sings.] "King S-Stephen was and-a wowthy peew, -His bweeches cost him xDD but a cwown; -He hewd them sixpence aww too deaw, -With *sweats* that he c-caww'd the t-taiwow wown. - -"He was a wight of ^.^ high wenyown, -And thou awt xDD but of OwO wow degwee. -'Tis pwide *sweats* that puwws the *looks at you* countwy down; -T-Then take thinye auwd c-cwoak a-about t-thee." - -Some *leans over* winye, ho! -CASSIO. W-Why, this is a mowe e-exquisite song than the othew. -IAGO. Wiww you heaw't a-again? -CASSIO. N-Nyo, fow I howd him to be u-unwowthy of his pwace *sweats* that does -those things. *sighs* Weww, God's a-above a-aww, and thewe be s-souws must be -saved, and thewe be s-souws must nyot be *hugs tightly* saved. -IAGO. It's twue, good wieutenyant. -CASSIO. F-Fow minye own pawt- nyo o-offense to the genyewaw, n-nyow any man -of xDD quawity- I hope to be *hugs tightly* saved. -IAGO. And so do I too, wieutenyant. -CASSIO. :33 Ay, but, ^w^ by youw weave, nyot befowe me; the wieutenyant is to -be saved befowe the ancient. Wet's have nyo mowe of this; wet's to -o-ouw *shuffles closer* affaiws. OwO God f-fowgive us o-ouw s-sins! Gentwemen, wet's wook to -o-ouw businyess. Do nyot think, gentwemen, I am dwunk: this is my -ancient, this is my wight hand, and this is my weft. I am nyot -dwunk x3 nyow; I can *looks at you* stand weww enyough, and I speak weww enyough. -AWW. Excewwent weww. -CASSIO. W-Why, vewy weww then; you must nyot think then *sweats* that I am -dwunk. *sweats* Exit. -:33 MONTANyO. To the *shuffles closer* pwatfowm, mastews; come, wet's set the watch. -IAGO. Y-You see this fewwow *sweats* that is g-gonye befowe; -He is a sowdiew fit to *looks at you* stand ^w^ by Caesaw -And give d-diwection. And do xDD but see his v-vice; -'Tis to his *hugs tightly* viwtue a *shuffles closer* just equinyox, -The onye as wong as the othew. 'Tis pity of him. -I feaw the twust Othewwo puts him in -On *blushes* some odd time of his *cuddles you* infiwmity -Wiww s-shake this iswand. -:33 MONTANyO. But is he *looks away* often t-thus? -IAGO. 'Tis evewmowe the p-pwowogue to his s-sweep. -He'ww watch the howowoge a doubwe set, -If ^-^ dwink wock nyot his cwadwe. -:33 MONTANyO. It wewe weww -The *screams* genyewaw wewe p-put in mind of it. -Pewhaps he sees *moans* it nyot, *blushes* ow his good nyatuwe -:33 Pwizes the *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that a-appeaws in Cassio -And wooks nyot *teleports behind you* on his eviws. *looks at you* Is nyot this twue? - -Entew Wodewigo. - -IAGO. [Aside to him.] H-How nyow, Wodewigo! -I pway y-you, aftew the wieutenyant; go. Exit Wodewigo. -:33 MONTANyO. And 'tis gweat pity *sweats* that the nyobwe Moow -Shouwd h-hazawd such a pwace as his own second -With onye of an i-ingwaft infiwmity. -It wewe an honyest action to say -So to the >_< Moow. -IAGO. Nyot I, fow this *looks at you* faiw iswand. -I do wove Cassio weww, and ^.^ wouwd do much -To *notices bulge* cuwe him of this eviw- But, hawk! What nyoise? -A cwy within, "Hewp, *blushes* hewp!" - -We-entew *twerks* Cassio, dwiving in Wodewigo. - -CASSIO. *leans over* 'Zounds! Y-You *screams* wogue! Y-You wascaw! -:33 MONTANyO. What's the mattew, wieutenyant? -CASSIO. A knyave teach me my duty! But I'ww beat the knyave into a -t-twiggen bottwe. -:33 WODEWIGO. Beat me! -CASSIO. Dost thou pwate, wogue? Stwikes Wodewigo. -:33 MONTANyO. Nyay, good wieutenyant; I pway y-you, siw, howd youw hand. -CASSIO. Wet me *screams* go, siw, *blushes* ow I'ww knyock you o'ew the mazzawd. -:33 MONTANyO. Come, come, y-you'we dwunk. -CASSIO. Dwunk? They fight. -IAGO. [Aside to Wodewigo.] ^w^ Away, I *notices bulge* say; go out and cwy a mutiny. -Exit Wodewigo. -Nyay, good wieutenyant! God's wiww, *moans* gentwemen! -*leans over* Hewp, ho!- Wieutenyant- siw- Montanyo- siw- -*leans over* Hewp, mastews!- H-Hewe's a g-goodwy watch indeed! -A b-beww wings. -Who's *sweats* that *sweats* that wings the beww?- *blushes* Diabwo, ho! -The town wiww wise. God's wiww, wieutenyant, howd! -Y-You wiww be shamed fowevew. - -We-entew Othewwo and Attendants. - -OTHEWWO. What is the mattew hewe? -:33 MONTANyO. 'Zounds, I bweed stiww; I am huwt to the death. -Faints. -OTHEWWO. Howd, fow youw wives! -IAGO. Howd, ho! Wieutenyant- siw- Montanyo- gentwemen- -Have you fowgot aww pwace of sense and duty? -Howd! the *screams* genyewaw speaks to y-you! Howd, x3 howd, fow ^-^ shame! -OTHEWWO. W-Why, how nyow, ho! fwom whence ^-^ awiseth *sweats* this? -Awe we tuwn'd Tuwks, and to ouwsewves do *sweats* that -Which heaven hath fowbid the O-Ottomites? -F-Fow Chwistian shame, p-put ^w^ by this bawbawous bwaww. -He *sweats* that s-stiws nyext to cawve fow his own wage -Howds his souw >_< wight; he dies upon his motion. -;;w;; Siwence *sweats* that dweadfuw b-beww; *moans* it fwights the iswe -Fwom h-hew pwopwiety. What is the mattew, *shuffles closer* mastews? -Honyest Iago, *sweats* that wook'st dead *pokes you* with gwieving, -Speak: w-who began *sweats* this? On t-thy wove, I chawge thee. -IAGO. I do nyot knyow. Fwiends aww xDD but nyow, even nyow, -In quawtew, and in tewms wike bwide and gwoom -Devesting them fow bed; and then, xDD but n-nyow -(As if *blushes* some pwanyet h-had unwitted m-men), -Swowds *pokes you* out, and tiwting onye at othew's bweast, -In opposition bwoody. I cannyot speak -Any UwU beginnying to this peevish odds; -And ^.^ wouwd in action gwowious I h-had wost -Those wegs *sweats* that >w< bwought me to a *cries* pawt of it! -OTHEWWO. H-How c-comes it, Michaew, you awe t-thus fowgot? -CASSIO. I pway y-you, pawdon me; I cannyot speak. -OTHEWWO. Wowthy Montanyo, you wewe wont be civiw; -The gwavity and stiwwnyess of youw youth -The wowwd hath nyoted, and youw nyame is gweat -In *hugs tightly* mouths of wisest censuwe. What's the mattew, -*teleports behind you* That you unwace youw weputation :3 thus, -And spend youw wich opinyion fow the nyame -Of a OwO nyight-bwawwew? Give me *sighs* answew to it. -:33 MONTANyO. Wowthy Othewwo, I am huwt to d-dangew. -Youw officew, Iago, can *cries* infowm you- -Whiwe I uWu spawe speech, which s-something n-nyow offends me- -Of aww *sweats* that I do knyow. N-Nyow knyow I a-aught -By me that's s-said *blushes* ow donye amiss this nyight, -*leans over* Unwess sewf-chawity be sometimes a vice, -And to defend ouwsewves *moans* it be a sin -When viowence >_> assaiws us. -OTHEWWO. Nyow, ^w^ by heaven, -My b-bwood begins my safew guides to wuwe, -And passion, having my best judgement cowwied, -xDD Assays to wead the way. If I once stiw, -Ow do xDD but l-wift this awm, the best of you -Shaww sink in my webuke. Give me to knyow -H-How this f-fouw wout began, w-who set *moans* it on, -And he *sweats* that is appwoved in this offense, -Though he h-had twinn'd *pokes you* with me, b-both at a biwth, -Shaww wose me. *pokes you* What! in a town of waw, -Y-Yet *pokes you* wiwd, the peopwe's heawts bwimfuw of feaw, -To manyage pwivate and domestic *twerks* quawwew, -In nyight, and *teleports behind you* on the couwt and guawd of safety! -'Tis monstwous. Iago, w-who began't? -:33 MONTANyO. If pawtiawwy affinyed, *blushes* ow ^-^ weagued in office, -*moans* Thou dost dewivew mowe *blushes* ow wess than twuth, -*moans* Thou awt nyo s-sowdiew. -IAGO. Touch me nyot so nyeaw: -I h-had wathew have this t-tongue cut fwom my mouth -*notices bulge* Than *moans* it shouwd do o-offense to Michaew Cassio; -Yet, I pewsuade *twerks* mysewf, to speak the uWu twuth -Shaww nyothing wwong him. Thus *moans* it *screams* is, genyewaw. -Montanyo and m-mysewf being in speech, -*cries* Thewe c-comes a fewwow cwying out fow hewp, -And Cassio fowwowing him *pokes you* with *sighs* detewminyed swowd, -To execute upon him. Siw, this gentweman -xDD Steps in to Cassio and entweats his pause. -Mysewf the cwying fewwow did *giggles shyly* puwsue, -West ^w^ by his cwamow- as *moans* it so feww out- -The town might faww in fwight. He, swift of foot, -*pokes you* Outwan my puwpose; and I r-wetuwn'd the wathew -F-Fow *sweats* that I h-heawd the cwink and faww of swowds, -And Cassio ^.^ high in oath, which tiww tonyight -I nye'ew might say befowe. When I came ^w^ back- -F-Fow this was bwief- I ^w^ found them cwose togethew, -At bwow and thwust, even as ;;w;; again they wewe -When you youwsewf did *cries* pawt them. -Mowe of this mattew cannyot I wepowt. -But men awe men; the best sometimes *cuddles you* fowget. -Though Cassio did *blushes* some wittwe wwong to him, -As men in wage stwike those *sweats* that wish them best, -Y-Yet suwewy *twerks* Cassio, I bewieve, r-weceived -Fwom him *sweats* that OwO fwed *blushes* some stwange indignyity, -Which p-patience couwd nyot pass. -OTHEWWO. I knyow, Iago, -Thy xDD honyesty and wove doth mince this mattew, -Making *moans* it wight to Cassio. *twerks* Cassio, I wove ^w^ thee, -But nyevew mowe be *sighs* officew of minye. - -We-entew Desdemonya, attended. - -Wook, if my g-gentwe wove be nyot waised *teleports behind you* up! -I'ww make thee an exampwe. -DESDEMONyA. What's the m-mattew? -OTHEWWO. Aww's weww nyow, sweeting; come away to *twerks* bed. -Siw, fow youw huwts, m-mysewf wiww be youw suwgeon. -*shuffles closer* Wead him off. Exit Montanyo, attended. -Iago, wook *pokes you* with OwO cawe a-about the town, -And siwence those whom this viwe >_< bwaww distwacted. -Come, Desdemonya, 'tis the sowdiews' wife. -To have t-theiw bawmy *notices bulge* swumbews >_< waked *pokes you* with stwife. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Iago and Cassio. -IAGO. What, awe you huwt, wieutenyant? -CASSIO. :33 Ay, past aww suwgewy. -IAGO. Mawwy, heaven fowbid! -CASSIO. Weputation, weputation, ^.^ weputation! O, I have wost my -^.^ weputation! I have wost the *moans* immowtaw *cries* pawt of *twerks* mysewf, and w-what ->_> wemains is bestiaw. My weputation, Iago, my ^.^ weputation! -IAGO. As I am an honyest m-man, I thought you h-had r-weceived *blushes* some bodiwy -w-wound; thewe is mowe sense in *sweats* that than in weputation. Weputation -is an idwe and most f-fawse imposition; oft got without mewit and -wost without ^w^ desewving. Y-You have wost nyo weputation at a-aww, -*hugs tightly* unwess you wepute youwsewf such a wosew. What, man! thewe awe -ways to wecovew the *screams* genyewaw again. Y-You awe xDD but n-nyow OwO cast in his -mood, a punyishment mowe in powicy than in mawice; even so as onye -^.^ wouwd beat his offensewess dog to affwight an impewious wion. Sue -to him again, and he's youws. -CASSIO. I wiww wathew sue to be despised than to d-deceive so good a -commandew *pokes you* with so swight, so dwunken, and so indiscweet an -officew. Dwunk? and speak pawwot? and *twerks* squabbwe? uWu swaggew? s-sweaw? -and d-discouwse fustian *pokes you* with onye's own s-shadow? O thou invisibwe -spiwit of *leans over* winye, if thou hast nyo nyame to be *teleports behind you* knyown by, wet us *giggles shyly* caww -thee deviw! -IAGO. What was he *sweats* that you fowwowed *pokes you* with youw s-swowd? -What h-had he donye to you? -CASSIO. I knyow nyot. -IAGO. Is't possibwe? -CASSIO. I wemembew a mass of things, xDD but nyothing distinctwy; a -*twerks* quawwew, xDD but nyothing whewefowe. O >_< God, *sweats* that men shouwd p-put an -enyemy in t-theiw *hugs tightly* mouths to s-steaw away t-theiw :33 bwains! *sweats* that we shouwd, -*pokes you* with joy, pweasance, wevew, and a-appwause, twansfowm ouwsewves -into beasts! -IAGO. W-Why, xDD but you awe n-nyow weww enyough. H-How came you t-thus -wecovewed? -CASSIO. It hath pweased the deviw dwunkennyess to give pwace to the -deviw wwath: onye unpewfectnyess shows me anyothew, to make me -f-fwankwy d-despise mysewf. -IAGO. Come, you awe too sevewe a mowawew. As the time, the pwace, -and the condition of this *looks at you* countwy stands, I couwd heawtiwy wish -this h-had nyot befawwen; xDD but s-since *moans* it is as *moans* it *screams* is, ^w^ mend *moans* it fow youw -own good. -CASSIO. I wiww ask him fow my pwace again; he shaww teww me I am a -dwunkawd! Had I as many *hugs tightly* mouths as Hydwa, such an *sighs* answew ^.^ wouwd -stop them aww. To be n-nyow a sensibwe m-man, ^w^ by and ^w^ by a foow, and -p-pwesentwy a beast! O stwange! Evewy inyowdinyate cup is unbwest, -and the ingwedient is a deviw. -IAGO. Come, come, good winye is a good f-famiwiaw cweatuwe, if *moans* it be -weww used. Excwaim nyo mowe against it. And, good wieutenyant, I -think you think I wove you. -CASSIO. I have weww appwoved it, siw. I dwunk! -IAGO. Y-You *blushes* ow any man l-wiving may be dwunk at *blushes* some time, *pokes you* man. I'ww -teww you w-what you shaww do. Ouw genyewaw's wife is n-nyow the -genyewaw. I may say so in this wespect, fow *sweats* that he hath devoted -and given up himsewf to the *cries* contempwation, mawk, and denyotement -of h-hew *hugs tightly* pawts and gwaces. Confess youwsewf fweewy to hew; -*sweats* impowtunye h-hew hewp to p-put you in youw pwace again. She is of so -fwee, so kind, so apt, so bwessed a disposition, she howds *moans* it a -vice in h-hew goodnyess nyot to do mowe than she is wequested. This -bwoken joint between you and h-hew h-husband entweat h-hew to spwintew; -and, my *sighs* fowtunyes against any *looks at you* way wowth nyaming, this cwack of youw -wove shaww gwow stwongew than *moans* it was befowe. -CASSIO. Y-You advise me weww. -IAGO. I pwotest, in the sincewity of wove and honyest kindnyess. -CASSIO. I think *moans* it fweewy; and *looks away* betimes in the mownying I wiww beseech -the viwtuous D-Desdemonya to UwU undewtake fow me. I am despewate of my -*sighs* fowtunyes if they check me hewe. -IAGO. Y-You awe in the wight. Good nyight, wieutenyant, I must to the -watch. -CASSIO. Good nyight, honyest I-Iago. *sweats* Exit. -IAGO. And what's he then *sweats* that says I pway the v-viwwain? -When this advice is fwee I give and honyest, -Pwobaw to thinking, and indeed the *blushes* couwse -To win the Moow a-again? F-Fow 'tis most e-easy -The incwinying D-Desdemonya to subdue -In any honyest suit. S-She's *shuffles closer* fwamed as fwuitfuw -As the fwee ewements. And then fow h-hew -To win the Moow, wewe't to wenyounce his xDD baptism, -Aww seaws and s-symbows of wedeemed sin, -His souw is so enfettew'd to h-hew wove, -*teleports behind you* That she may m-make, unmake, do w-what she l-wist, -Even as h-hew appetite shaww pway the *cries* god -With his weak function. H-How am I then a viwwain -To ^-^ counsew Cassio to this pawawwew couwse, -Diwectwy to his good? *looks at you* Divinyity of heww! -When *cuddles you* deviws wiww the xDD bwackest sins p-put on, -They do suggest at f-fiwst *pokes you* with heavenwy shows, -As I do nyow. F-Fow whiwes this honyest foow -Pwies D-Desdemonya to r-wepaiw his >w< fowtunye, -And she fow him UwU pweads *shuffles closer* stwongwy to the Moow, -I'ww *blushes* pouw this p-pestiwence into his eaw, -*teleports behind you* That she wepeaws him fow h-hew body's wust; -And ^w^ by how much she stwives to do him ^-^ good, -She shaww undo h-hew *screams* cwedit *pokes you* with the >_< Moow. -So wiww I tuwn h-hew *hugs tightly* viwtue into p-pitch, -And out of h-hew own goodnyess make the *hugs tightly* nyet -*teleports behind you* That shaww enmesh them aww. - -Entew Wodewigo. - -H-How nyow, Wodewigo! -:33 WODEWIGO. I do f-fowwow x3 hewe in the chase, nyot wike a hound *sweats* that -h-hunts, xDD but onye *sweats* that fiwws up the cwy. My monyey is awmost spent; I -have been tonyight *cries* exceedingwy weww cudgewed; and I think the -issue wiww be, I shaww have so much e-expewience fow my pains; and -so, *pokes you* with nyo monyey at aww and a wittwe mowe wit, r-wetuwn ;;w;; again to -Venyice. -IAGO. H-How poow awe they *sweats* that have nyot *looks away* patience! -What ^.^ wound did *giggles shyly* evew heaw xDD but ^w^ by d-degwees? -*moans* Thou knyow'st we wowk ^w^ by wit and nyot ^w^ by witchcwaft, -And wit ^w^ depends *teleports behind you* on diwatowy time. -Does't nyot go weww? Cassio hath beaten ^w^ thee, -And thou ^w^ by *sweats* that smaww huwt hast cashiew'd Cassio. -Though othew things gwow *looks at you* faiw against the sun, -Y-Yet fwuits *sweats* that bwossom f-fiwst wiww f-fiwst be wipe. -Content thysewf awhiwe. By the mass, 'tis mownying; -Pweasuwe and action make the houws seem showt. -Wetiwe thee; go whewe thou awt biwweted. -^w^ Away, I say. *moans* Thou shawt knyow mowe h-heweaftew. -Nyay, get thee gonye. [Exit Wodewigo.] Two things awe to be d-donye: -My wife must move fow Cassio to h-hew mistwess- -I'ww set h-hew on; -Mysewf the whiwe to dwaw the Moow apawt, -And b-bwing him jump when he may Cassio find -*screams* Sowiciting his wife. :33 Ay, that's the way; -OwO Duww nyot device ^w^ by c-cowdnyess and deway. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -B-Befowe the castwe. - -Entew Cassio and *blushes* some Musicians. - -CASSIO. Mastews, pway hewe, I wiww content youw pains; >_> Something -that's bwief; and bid >_< "Good OwO mowwow, g-genyewaw." -Music. - -Entew Cwown. - -CWOWN. W-Why, *looks away* mastews, have youw instwuments been in Nyapwes, *sweats* that -they speak i-i' the nyose t-thus? -FIWST MUSICIAN. H-How, siw, how? -CWOWN. Awe these, I pway y-you, *cuddles you* wind instwuments? -FIWST MUSICIAN. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, awe they, siw. -CWOWN. O, t-theweby >_> hangs a taiw. -FIWST MUSICIAN. *shuffles closer* Wheweby >_> hangs a tawe, s-siw? -CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, ^w^ by many a *cuddles you* wind i-instwument *sweats* that I knyow. But, -*looks away* mastews, hewe's monyey fow you; and the *screams* genyewaw so wikes youw -*screams* music, *sweats* that he desiwes y-you, fow wove's sake, to make nyo mowe -nyoise *pokes you* with it. -FIWST MUSICIAN. *sighs* Weww, siw, we wiww nyot. -CWOWN. If you have any *hugs tightly* music *sweats* that may nyot be heawd, to't again; -but, as they say, to heaw *hugs tightly* music the *screams* genyewaw does nyot gweatwy -cawe. -FIWST MUSICIAN. We have nyonye such, siw. -CWOWN. T-Then p-put up youw pipes in youw bag, fow I'ww a-away. -Go, >w< vanyish into aiw, *shuffles closer* away! UwU Exeunt Musicians. -CASSIO. Dost thou heaw, my honyest fwiend? -CWOWN. N-Nyo, I heaw nyot youw honyest fwiend; I heaw you. -CASSIO. Pwithee, keep up t-thy quiwwets. >_> Thewe's a poow piece of gowd -fow thee. If the gentwewoman *sweats* that attends the genyewaw's wife be -stiwwing, teww h-hew thewe's onye Cassio entweats h-hew a wittwe favow -of *looks at you* speech. Wiwt thou do *sweats* this? -CWOWN. She is stiwwing, siw. If she wiww s-stiw h-hithew, I shaww seem -to nyotify unto hew. -CASSIO. Do, good my fwiend. Exit Cwown. - -Entew I-Iago. - -In happy time, I-Iago. -IAGO. Y-You have nyot been abed, then? -CASSIO. W-Why, nyo; the day h-had b-bwoke -B-Befowe we pawted. I have made b-bowd, Iago, -To send in to youw wife. My suit to h-hew -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that she wiww to viwtuous D-Desdemonya -P-Pwocuwe me *blushes* some access. -IAGO. I'ww send h-hew to you pwesentwy; -And I'ww devise a *looks at you* mean to dwaw the Moow -Out of the way, *sweats* that youw convewse and businyess -May be mowe fwee. -CASSIO. I humbwy t-thank you fow't. [Exit Iago.] I nyevew knyew -A *shuffles closer* Fwowentinye mowe k-kind and :3 honyest. - -Entew Emiwia. - -EMIWIA. Good OwO mowwow, good wieutenyant. I am sowwy -F-Fow youw dispweasuwe, xDD but aww wiww suwe be weww. -The *screams* genyewaw and his wife awe t-tawking of it, -And she speaks fow you stoutwy. The Moow wepwies -*teleports behind you* That he you huwt is of gweat fame in Cypwus -And gweat affinyity and *sweats* that in whowesome wisdom -He might nyot xDD but wefuse you; xDD but he *twerks* pwotests he woves you -And ;;w;; nyeeds nyo othew suitow xDD but his wikings -To take the safest occasion ^w^ by the fwont -To b-bwing you in again. -CASSIO. Yet, I beseech y-you, -If you think fit, *blushes* ow *sweats* that *moans* it may be donye, -Give me advantage of *blushes* some bwief d-discouwse -With D-Desdemonya awonye. -EMIWIA. *twerks* Pway y-you, come i-in. -I wiww bestow you whewe you shaww have time -To speak youw bosom f-fweewy. -CASSIO. I am much bound to you. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -A woom in the castwe. - -Entew Othewwo, Iago, and Gentwemen. - -OTHEWWO. These wettews give, Iago, to the piwot, -And ^w^ by him do my duties to the Senyate. -*teleports behind you* That donye, I wiww be wawking *teleports behind you* on the wowks; -R-Wepaiw thewe to me. -IAGO. *sighs* Weww, my good wowd, I'ww do't. -OTHEWWO. This fowtification, gentwemen, shaww we see't? -GENTWEMEN. We'ww *pokes you* wait upon youw wowdship. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -The gawden of the castwe. - -Entew Desdemonya, *twerks* Cassio, and Emiwia. - -DESDEMONyA. Be thou assuwed, good *twerks* Cassio, I wiww do -Aww my abiwities in t-thy behawf. -EMIWIA. Good *looks at you* madam, do. I wawwant *moans* it gwieves my h-husband -As if the c-cause wewe his. -DESDEMONyA. O, that's an honyest fewwow. Do nyot doubt, *twerks* Cassio, -But I wiww have my *hugs tightly* wowd and you ;;w;; again -As fwiendwy as you w-wewe. -CASSIO. Bounteous *looks at you* madam, -Whatevew shaww become of Michaew *twerks* Cassio, -He's nyevew anything xDD but youw twue sewvant. -DESDEMONyA. I knyow't: I t-thank you. Y-You do wove my wowd: -Y-You have *teleports behind you* knyown him wong; and be you weww assuwed -He shaww in stwangenyess *looks at you* stand nyo fawthew off -*notices bulge* Than in a powitic distance. -CASSIO. :33 Ay, but, wady, -*teleports behind you* That powicy may ^w^ eithew wast so wong, -Ow feed upon such nyice and watewish diet, -Ow bweed i-itsewf so out of ciwcumstances, -*teleports behind you* That I being absent and my pwace s-suppwied, -My *screams* genyewaw wiww fowget my wove and sewvice. -DESDEMONyA. Do nyot d-doubt that. B-Befowe Emiwia x3 hewe -I give thee wawwant of t-thy pwace, ;;w;; assuwe ^w^ thee, -If I do vow a fwiendship, I'ww pewfowm *moans* it -To the wast a-awticwe. My *hugs tightly* wowd shaww nyevew west; -I'ww watch him tame and tawk him out of patience; -His b-bed shaww seem a *pokes you* schoow, his boawd a shwift; -I'ww intewmingwe evewything he does -With Cassio's suit. Thewefowe be mewwy, *twerks* Cassio, -F-Fow t-thy sowicitow shaww wathew die -*notices bulge* Than give t-thy c-cause a-away. - -Entew Othewwo and Iago, at a distance. - -EMIWIA. Madam, x3 hewe c-comes my l-wowd. -CASSIO. Madam, I'ww take my >_< weave. -DESDEMONyA. Nyay, >_< stay and heaw me speak. -CASSIO. Madam, nyot nyow. I am vewy iww at ease, -Unfit fow minye own puwposes. -DESDEMONyA. *sighs* Weww, do youw discwetion. Exit Cassio. -IAGO. Ha! I wike nyot that. -OTHEWWO. What dost thou say? -IAGO. Nyothing, my wowd; *blushes* ow if- I knyow nyot what. -OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* Was nyot *sweats* that Cassio pawted fwom my wife? -IAGO. *twerks* Cassio, my wowd! N-Nyo, suwe, I cannyot think it, -*teleports behind you* That he ^.^ wouwd s-steaw away so x3 guiwty-wike, -Seeing you coming. -OTHEWWO. I do bewieve '-'twas he. -DESDEMONyA. H-How nyow, my wowd! -I have been t-tawking *pokes you* with a suitow hewe, -A man *sweats* that wanguishes in youw dispweasuwe. -OTHEWWO. Who is't you m-mean? -DESDEMONyA. W-Why, youw wieutenyant, Cassio. Good my wowd, -If I have any gwace *blushes* ow *cries* powew to move y-you, -His ^.^ pwesent weconciwiation take; -F-Fow if he be nyot onye *sweats* that twuwy woves y-you, -*teleports behind you* That ewws in ignyowance and nyot in cunnying, -I have nyo judgement in an honyest face. -I pwithee, *giggles shyly* caww him back. -OTHEWWO. Went he hence nyow? -DESDEMONyA. :33 Ay, sooth; so x3 humbwed -*teleports behind you* That he hath >w< weft *cries* pawt of his g-gwief *pokes you* with me -To suffew *pokes you* with him. Good wove, *giggles shyly* caww him back. -OTHEWWO. Nyot nyow, sweet Desdemonya; *blushes* some othew time. -DESDEMONyA. But shaww't be showtwy? -OTHEWWO. The soonyew, sweet, fow you. -DESDEMONyA. Shaww't be tonyight at suppew? -OTHEWWO. N-Nyo, nyot t-tonyight. -DESDEMONyA. Tomowwow dinnyew then? -OTHEWWO. I shaww nyot dinye at home; -I meet the captains at the citadew. -DESDEMONyA. Why then t-tomowwow nyight, *blushes* ow Tuesday mown, -On Tuesday *blushes* nyoon, *blushes* ow nyight, *teleports behind you* on Wednyesday xDD mown. -I pwithee, nyame the time, xDD but wet *moans* it nyot -Exceed thwee days. In faith, he's *cuddles you* penyitent; -And yet his t-twespass, in o-ouw common weason- -Save that, they say, the waws must make exampwe -Out of t-theiw best- is nyot awmost a fauwt -To incuw a pwivate check. When shaww he come? -Teww me, Othewwo. I wondew in my souw, -What you ^.^ wouwd ask me, *sweats* that I shouwd deny, -Ow *looks at you* stand so mammewing on. W-What? Michaew *twerks* Cassio, -*teleports behind you* That came ;;w;; awooing *pokes you* with y-you, and so many a time -When I have s-spoke of you dispwaisingwy -Hath t-ta'en youw pawt- to have so much to do -To b-bwing him i-in! Twust me, I couwd do much- -OTHEWWO. Pwithee, nyo mowe. Wet him come when he wiww; -I wiww deny thee n-nyothing. -DESDEMONyA. W-Why, this is nyot a boon; -'Tis as I shouwd entweat you weaw youw gwoves, -Ow feed *teleports behind you* on n-nyouwishing d-dishes, *blushes* ow keep you *teleports behind you* wawm, -Ow sue to you to do a pecuwiaw pwofit -To youw own p-pewson. Nyay, when I have a suit -Whewein I *looks at you* mean to touch youw wove indeed, -It shaww be fuww of poise and difficuwt w-weight, -And f-feawfuw to be gwanted. -OTHEWWO. I wiww deny thee nyothing, -Wheweon, I do beseech ^w^ thee, gwant me t-this, -To weave me xDD but a wittwe to mysewf. -DESDEMONyA. Shaww I deny you? Nyo. Faweweww, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. Faweweww, my Desdemonya; I'ww come to thee stwaight. -DESDEMONyA. Emiwia, come. Be as youw fancies teach you; -Whate'ew you be, I am obedient. -UwU Exeunt D-Desdemonya and Emiwia. -OTHEWWO. Excewwent wwetch! Pewdition c-catch my souw, -But I do wove thee! and when I wove thee nyot, -Chaos is come again. -IAGO. My nyobwe l-wowd- -OTHEWWO. What dost thou say, Iago? -IAGO. *sweats* Did Michaew *twerks* Cassio, when you woo'd my wady, -Knyow of youw wove? -OTHEWWO. He did, fwom f-fiwst to wast. Why dost thou ask? -IAGO. But fow a x3 satisfaction of my *sweats* thought; -Nyo *twerks* fuwthew OwO hawm. -OTHEWWO. Why of t-thy thought, Iago? -IAGO. I did nyot think he h-had been acquainted *pokes you* with hew. -OTHEWWO. O, yes, and went between us vewy oft. -IAGO. Indeed! -OTHEWWO. Indeed? ay, indeed. Discewn'st thou a-aught in that? -*looks at you* Is he nyot *teleports behind you* honyest? -IAGO. Honyest, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. *screams* Honyest? :33 Ay, :3 honyest. -IAGO. My wowd, fow a-aught I knyow. -OTHEWWO. What dost thou think? -IAGO. Think, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. Think, my wowd? By heaven, he echoes me, -As if thewe wewe *blushes* some m-monstew in his thought -Too hideous to be shown. *moans* Thou dost *looks at you* mean something. -I h-heawd thee say even nyow, thou wike'st nyot that, -When Cassio >w< weft my wife. What didst nyot wike? -And when I towd thee he was of my ^-^ counsew -In my whowe *blushes* couwse of wooing, thou cwiedst, "-"Indeed!" -And didst c-contwact and puwse t-thy b-bwow togethew, -As if thou then hadst s-shut up in t-thy bwain -Some howwibwe conceit. If thou dost wove me, -Show me t-thy thought. -IAGO. My wowd, you knyow I wove you. -OTHEWWO. I think thou dost; -And fow I knyow thou'wt fuww of wove and xDD honyesty -And weigh'st t-thy wowds befowe thou givest them bweath, -Thewefowe these *looks away* stops of thinye fwight me the *looks away* mowe; -F-Fow such things in a f-fawse d-diswoyaw knyave -Awe twicks of custom; xDD but in a man that's *shuffles closer* just -uWu They'we cwose diwations, w-wowking fwom the h-heawt, -*teleports behind you* That passion cannyot wuwe. -IAGO. F-Fow Michaew *twerks* Cassio, -I dawe be swown I think *sweats* that he is :3 honyest. -OTHEWWO. I think so too. -IAGO. Men shouwd be w-what they seem; -Ow those *sweats* that be nyot, ^.^ wouwd they might seem nyonye! -OTHEWWO. Cewtain, men shouwd be w-what they seem. -IAGO. Why then I think Cassio's an honyest *pokes you* man. -OTHEWWO. Nyay, yet thewe's mowe in this. -I pwithee, speak to me as to t-thy thinkings, -As thou dost r-wuminyate, and give t-thy *sweats* wowst of *hugs tightly* thoughts -The *sweats* wowst of wowds. -IAGO. Good my wowd, pawdon me; -Though I am bound to evewy act of duty, -I am nyot bound to *sweats* that aww swaves awe fwee to. -Uttew my thoughts? W-Why, say they awe viwe and fawse; -As whewe's *sweats* that pawace >w< wheweinto f-fouw things -Sometimes intwude nyot? Who has a b-bweast so puwe, -But *blushes* some u-uncweanwy appwehensions -Keep ^-^ weets and waw-days, and in *blushes* session sit -With m-meditations *twerks* wawfuw? -OTHEWWO. *moans* Thou dost conspiwe against t-thy f-fwiend, Iago, -If thou xDD but think'st him wwong'd and makest his eaw -A stwangew to t-thy thoughts. -IAGO. I do beseech you- -Though I pewchance am v-vicious in my guess, -As, I confess, *moans* it is my nyatuwe's pwague -To spy into a-abuses, and oft my j-jeawousy -Shapes fauwts *sweats* that awe nyot- *sweats* that youw wisdom yet, -Fwom onye *sweats* that so impewfectwy c-conceits, -Wouwd take nyo nyotice, n-nyow buiwd youwsewf a t-twoubwe -Out of his scattewing and unsuwe >w< obsewvance. -It wewe nyot fow youw quiet n-nyow youw ^-^ good, -N-Nyow fow my manhood, honyesty, *blushes* ow wisdom, -To wet you knyow my thoughts. -OTHEWWO. What dost thou m-mean? -IAGO. Good nyame in man and woman, deaw my wowd, -*looks at you* Is the immediate jewew of t-theiw souws. -Who steaws my puwse steaws twash; 'tis something, nyothing; -'Twas minye, 'tis his, and has been swave to thousands; -But he *sweats* that fiwches fwom me my good nyame -Wobs me of *sweats* that which nyot enwiches him -And makes me poow indeed. -OTHEWWO. By heaven, I'ww knyow t-thy thoughts. -IAGO. Y-You cannyot, if my heawt wewe in youw hand; -N-Nyow shaww nyot, whiwst 'tis in my c-custody. -OTHEWWO. Ha! -IAGO. O, b-bewawe, my wowd, of jeawousy! -It is the gween-eyed monstew, which doth mock -The meat *moans* it feeds on. *teleports behind you* That cuckowd wives in *blushes* bwiss -*leans over* Who, cewtain of his fate, woves nyot his wwongew; -But O, w-what d-damnyed ^w^ minyutes tewws he o'ew -Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet *shuffles closer* stwongwy woves! -OTHEWWO. O misewy! -IAGO. Poow and content is wich, and wich enyough; -But wiches finyewess is as poow as w-wintew -To him *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew feaws he shaww be *leans over* poow. -Good heaven, the s-souws of aww my twibe defend -Fwom jeawousy! -OTHEWWO. W-Why, why is *sweats* this? -Think'st thou I'wd make a wife of j-jeawousy, -To f-fowwow stiww the *giggles shyly* changes of the moon -With fwesh suspicions? Nyo! To be once in d-doubt -*looks at you* Is once to be wesowved. Exchange me fow a goat -When I shaww tuwn the businyess of my souw -To such exsuffwicate and bwown suwmises, -OwO Matching t-thy infewence. 'Tis nyot to make me jeawous -To say my wife is uWu faiw, feeds weww, woves company, -*looks at you* Is fwee of speech, sings, pways, and dances weww; -Whewe *hugs tightly* viwtue *screams* is, these awe mowe viwtuous. -N-Nyow fwom minye own weak mewits wiww I dwaw -The :3 smawwest feaw *blushes* ow d-doubt of h-hew wevowt; -F-Fow she h-had eyes and chose me. N-Nyo, Iago, -I'ww see befowe I doubt; when I doubt, pwove; -And *teleports behind you* on the pwoof, thewe is nyo mowe xDD but this- -Away at once *pokes you* with wove *blushes* ow jeawousy! -IAGO. I am gwad of it, fow n-nyow I shaww have weason -To show the wove and duty *sweats* that I beaw you -With fwankew spiwit. Thewefowe, as I am bound, -Weceive *moans* it fwom me. I speak nyot yet of pwoof. -Wook to youw wife; obsewve h-hew weww *pokes you* with Cassio; -*screams* Weaw youw eye :3 thus, nyot jeawous n-nyow secuwe. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot have youw fwee and nyobwe nyatuwe -Out of sewf-bounty be abused. Wook to't. -I knyow o-ouw *looks at you* countwy disposition weww; -In V-Venyice they do wet heaven see the p-pwanks -They dawe nyot show t-theiw husbands; t-theiw best conscience -*looks at you* Is nyot to weave't u-undonye, xDD but *leans over* keep't unknyown. -OTHEWWO. Dost thou say *moans* so? -IAGO. She did d-deceive h-hew fathew, mawwying you; -And when she seem'd to s-shake and feaw youw >_> wooks, -She woved them most. -OTHEWWO. And so she did. -IAGO. W-Why, go to UwU then. -She *sweats* that so young couwd give out such a uWu seeming, -To s-seew h-hew fathew's eyes up cwose as oak- -He thought '-'twas witchcwaft- xDD but I am much to bwame; -I humbwy do beseech you of youw pawdon -F-Fow too much ^.^ woving you. -OTHEWWO. I am bound to thee fowevew. -IAGO. I see this hath a wittwe dash'd youw s-spiwits. -OTHEWWO. Nyot a jot, nyot a j-jot. -IAGO. I'faith, I feaw *moans* it has. -I hope you wiww considew w-what is s-spoke -Comes fwom my wove. But I do see y-you'we moved; -I am to pway you nyot to s-stwain my speech -To >_< gwossew issues n-nyow to wawgew *pokes you* weach -*notices bulge* Than to suspicion. -OTHEWWO. I wiww nyot. -IAGO. Shouwd you do so, my wowd, -My speech shouwd faww into such viwe success -Which my *hugs tightly* thoughts aim nyot at. Cassio's my wowthy fwiend- -My wowd, I see y-you'we moved. -OTHEWWO. N-Nyo, nyot much moved. -I do nyot think xDD but Desdemonya's :3 honyest. -IAGO. L-Wong wive she so! and wong wive you to think so! -OTHEWWO. And yet, how nyatuwe e-ewwing fwom itsewf- -IAGO. :33 Ay, thewe's the point, >_> as- to be bowd *pokes you* with you- -Nyot to affect many pwoposed matches -Of h-hew own cwime, compwexion, and *leans over* degwee, -Wheweto we see in aww things nyatuwe tends- -Foh, onye may smeww in such a wiww most wank, -Fouw dispwopowtion, *hugs tightly* thoughts unnyatuwaw. -But pawdon me. I do nyot in position -Distinctwy speak of hew; *sighs* though I may feaw, -Hew wiww, wecoiwing to h-hew bettew judgement, -May faww to match you *pokes you* with h-hew *looks at you* countwy fowms, -And h-happiwy wepent. -OTHEWWO. Faweweww, faweweww. -If mowe thou dost pewceive, wet me knyow *looks away* mowe; -Set *teleports behind you* on t-thy wife to obsewve. L-Weave me, I-Iago. -IAGO. [Going.] My wowd, I take my >_< weave. -OTHEWWO. Why did I m-mawwy? This honyest cweatuwe ^w^ doubtwess -Sees and *looks away* knyows mowe, much mowe, than he unfowds. -IAGO. [Wetuwnying.] My wowd, I ^.^ wouwd I might entweat youw h-honyow -To scan this thing nyo f-fuwthew; weave *moans* it to time. -Though *moans* it be fit *sweats* that Cassio have his pwace, -F-Fow suwe he fiwws *moans* it up *pokes you* with gweat abiwity, -Yet, if you pwease to howd him off awhiwe, -Y-You shaww ^w^ by *sweats* that p-pewceive him and his means. -Nyote if youw wady s-stwain his *twerks* entewtainment -With any stwong *blushes* ow vehement impowtunyity; -Much wiww be :33 seen in that. In the meantime, -Wet me be thought too busy in my feaws- -As wowthy c-cause I have to feaw I am- -And howd h-hew fwee, I do beseech youw honyow. -OTHEWWO. Feaw nyot my govewnment. -IAGO. I once mowe take my >_< weave. *sweats* Exit. -OTHEWWO. This fewwow's of exceeding honyesty, -And *looks away* knyows aww quawities, *pokes you* with a weawnyed spiwit, -Of human deawings. If I do *shuffles closer* pwove h-hew haggawd, -Though *sweats* that h-hew *sweats* jesses wewe my deaw heawtstwings, -I'wd whistwe h-hew off and wet h-hew down the *cuddles you* wind -To pwey at OwO fowtunye. Hapwy, fow I am bwack -And have nyot those soft *hugs tightly* pawts of convewsation -*teleports behind you* That chambewews h-have, *blushes* ow fow I am decwinyed -Into the vawe of yeaws- yet that's nyot much- -S-She's gonye. I am abused, and my x3 wewief -M-Must be to woathe hew. O cuwse of mawwiage, -*teleports behind you* That we can *giggles shyly* caww these dewicate cweatuwes ouws, -And nyot t-theiw appetites! I h-had wathew be a toad, -And wive upon the *cries* vapow of a dungeon, -*notices bulge* Than keep a cownyew in the thing I wove -F-Fow othews' uses. Yet, 'tis the pwague of gweat onyes: -Pwewogatived awe they wess than the base; -'Tis *looks away* destiny u-unshunnyabwe, wike death. -Even then this ^.^ fowked pwague is fated to us -When we do quicken. D-Desdemonya UwU comes: - -We-entew D-Desdemonya and Emiwia. - -If she be fawse, O, then heaven *hugs tightly* mocks itsewf! -I'ww nyot bewieve't. -DESDEMONyA. H-How nyow, my deaw Othewwo! -Youw dinnyew, and the genyewous iswandews -By you invited, do a-attend youw pwesence. -OTHEWWO. I am to b-bwame. -DESDEMONyA. Why do you speak so faintwy? -Awe you nyot weww? -OTHEWWO. I have a *sweats* pain upon my fowehead hewe. -DESDEMONyA. Faith, that's *pokes you* with watching; *giggles shyly* 'twiww away again. -Wet me xDD but bind *moans* it hawd, within this houw -It wiww be weww. -OTHEWWO. Youw nyapkin is too wittwe; -He puts the handkewchief fwom him, and she *sighs* dwops it. -Wet *moans* it awonye. Come, I'ww go in *pokes you* with you. -DESDEMONyA. I am vewy sowwy *sweats* that you awe nyot weww. -UwU Exeunt Othewwo and ^w^ Desdemonya. -EMIWIA. I am gwad I have ^w^ found this nyapkin; -This was h-hew f-fiwst wemembwance fwom the >_< Moow. -My waywawd h-husband hath a hundwed times -Woo'd me to s-steaw it; xDD but she so woves the token, -F-Fow he *sweats* conjuwed h-hew she shouwd *giggles shyly* evew keep it, -*teleports behind you* That she wesewves *moans* it evewmowe a-about h-hew -To kiss and tawk to. I'ww have the wowk t-ta'en *pokes you* out, -And give't I-Iago. What he wiww do *pokes you* with *moans* it -*pokes you* Heaven knyows, nyot I; -I nyothing xDD but to pwease his fantasy. - -We-entew I-Iago. - -IAGO. H-How nyow, w-what do you x3 hewe awonye? -EMIWIA. Do nyot you chide; I have a thing fow you. -IAGO. A thing fow me? It is a common *twerks* thing- -EMIWIA. Ha! -IAGO. To have a foowish wife. -EMIWIA. O, is *sweats* that aww? What wiww you give me n-nyow -F-Fow *sweats* that same handkewchief? -IAGO. What handkewchief? -EMIWIA. What handkewchief? -W-Why, *sweats* that the Moow f-fiwst gave to Desdemonya, -*teleports behind you* That which so *looks away* often you did bid me UwU steaw. -IAGO. Hast stow'n *moans* it fwom hew? -EMIWIA. N-Nyo, OwO faith; she wet *moans* it dwop ^w^ by nyegwigence, -And, to the a-advantage, I being x3 hewe took't up. -Wook, x3 hewe *moans* it is. -IAGO. A good wench; give *moans* it me. -EMIWIA. What wiww you do with't, *sweats* that you have been so eawnyest -To have me fiwch it? -IAGO. [Snyatching it.] W-Why, w-what is *sweats* that to you? -EMIWIA. If't be nyot fow *blushes* some puwpose of impowt, -Give't me again. Poow wady, *hugs tightly* she'ww wun mad -When she shaww wack it. -IAGO. Be nyot acknyown on't; I have use fow it. -Go, weave me. Exit Emiwia. -I wiww in Cassio's wodging wose this nyapkin, -And wet him find it. *pokes you* Twifwes wight as a-aiw -Awe to the jeawous confiwmations stwong -As p-pwoofs of howy wwit; this may do something. -The Moow awweady *giggles shyly* changes *pokes you* with my poison: -Dangewous conceits awe in t-theiw n-nyatuwes poisons, -Which at the f-fiwst awe x3 scawce ^w^ found to distaste, -But *pokes you* with a wittwe act upon the b-bwood -Buwn wike the minyes of suwphuw. I did say so. -Wook, whewe he comes! - -We-entew Othewwo. - -Nyot poppy, n-nyow mandwagowa, -N-Nyow aww the *pokes you* dwowsy sywups of the wowwd, -Shaww *giggles shyly* evew medicinye thee to *sweats* that sweet sweep -Which thou owedst yestewday. -OTHEWWO. ^.^ Ha, ha, f-fawse to me? -IAGO. W-Why, how nyow, genyewaw! Nyo mowe of that. -OTHEWWO. Avaunt! be *shuffles closer* gonye! *moans* Thou hast set me *teleports behind you* on the wack. -I sweaw 'tis bettew to be much abused -*notices bulge* Than xDD but to knyow't a wittwe. -IAGO. H-How nyow, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. What sense h-had I of h-hew stow'n houws of wust? -I saw't nyot, thought *moans* it nyot, *moans* it hawm'd nyot me; -I swept the nyext nyight weww, was fwee and mewwy; -I ^w^ found nyot Cassio's kisses *teleports behind you* on h-hew wips. -He *sweats* that is wobb'd, nyot wanting w-what is s-stow'n, -Wet him nyot knyow't and he's nyot *moans* wobb'd at aww. -IAGO. I am sowwy to heaw this. -OTHEWWO. I h-had been happy if the *screams* genyewaw camp, -Pionyews and a-aww, h-had tasted h-hew sweet body, -So I h-had nyothing k-knyown. O, n-nyow fowevew -Faweweww the twanquiw xDD mind! Faweweww content! -Faweweww the xDD pwumed twoop and the big waws -*teleports behind you* That make *giggles shyly* ambition viwtue! O, faweweww, -Faweweww the n-nyeighing s-steed and the s-shwiww twump, -The spiwit-stiwwing dwum, the eaw-piewcing fife, -The woyaw b-bannyew, and aww x3 quawity, -Pwide, pomp, and ciwcumstance of gwowious waw! -And O you mowtaw enginyes, :33 whose ^w^ wude thwoats -The *moans* immowtaw Jove's xDD dwead cwamows *looks away* countewfeit, -Faweweww! Othewwo's occupation's *shuffles closer* gonye! -IAGO. Is't possibwe, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. V-Viwwain, be suwe thou *shuffles closer* pwove my wove a whowe; -Be suwe of it. Give me the ocuwaw pwoof; -Ow, ^w^ by the wowth of man's etewnyaw souw, -*moans* Thou hadst been bettew have been bown a dog -*notices bulge* Than *sighs* answew my >_< waked wwath! -IAGO. Is't come to *sweats* this? -OTHEWWO. Make me to see't; *blushes* ow at the *notices bulge* weast so *shuffles closer* pwove it, -*teleports behind you* That the pwobation beaw nyo h-hinge n-nyow woop -To hang a d-doubt on; *blushes* ow woe upon t-thy wife! -IAGO. My nyobwe l-wowd- -OTHEWWO. If thou dost swandew h-hew and towtuwe me, -Nyevew pway *looks away* mowe; abandon aww wemowse; -On howwow's *sweats* head *looks away* howwows ;;w;; accumuwate; -Do deeds to make heaven weep, aww eawth amazed; -F-Fow nyothing ;;w;; canst thou to damnyation add -Gweatew than that. -IAGO. O g-gwace! O heaven defend me! -Awe you a man? have you a souw *blushes* ow sense? -OwO God be wi' you; take minye office. O wwetched foow, -*teleports behind you* That wivest to make thinye xDD honyesty a vice! -O monstwous w-wowwd! Take nyote, take nyote, O wowwd, -To be diwect and honyest is nyot safe. -I t-thank you fow this pwofit, and fwom hence -I'ww wove nyo fwiend sith wove bweeds such ^.^ offense. -OTHEWWO. Nyay, stay; thou shouwdst be :3 honyest. -IAGO. I shouwd be wise; fow honyesty's a foow, -And woses *sweats* that *moans* it wowks *shuffles closer* fow. -OTHEWWO. By the wowwd, -I think my wife be honyest, and think she is nyot; -I think *sweats* that thou awt just, and think thou awt nyot. -I'ww have *blushes* some pwoof. Hew nyame, *sweats* that was as fwesh -As Dian's v-visage, is n-nyow begwimed and bwack -As minye own face. If thewe be cowds *blushes* ow knyives, -Poison *blushes* ow fiwe, *blushes* ow suffocating stweams, -I'ww nyot e-enduwe it. Wouwd I wewe satisfied! -IAGO. I see, siw, you awe eaten up *pokes you* with ^-^ passion; -I do wepent me *sweats* that I p-put *moans* it to you. -Y-You ^.^ wouwd be satisfied? -OTHEWWO. ^.^ Wouwd? Nyay, I wiww. -IAGO. And *notices bulge* may. But, how? how satisfied, my wowd? -Wouwd y-you, the *cries* supewvisow, gwosswy gape on? -*screams* Behowd h-hew topp'd? -OTHEWWO. Death and damnyation! O! -IAGO. It wewe a tedious difficuwty, I think, -To b-bwing them to *sweats* that pwospect. *sighs* Damn them then, -If *giggles shyly* evew mowtaw eyes do see them bowstew -Mowe than t-theiw o-own! What then? how then? -What shaww I say? Whewe's *giggles shyly* satisfaction? -It is impossibwe you shouwd see this -Wewe they as *shuffles closer* pwime as goats, as hot as monkeys, -As uWu sawt as wowves in pwide, and foows as gwoss -As ignyowance made dwunk. But yet, I say, -If i-imputation and stwong ciwcumstances, -Which wead diwectwy to the doow of twuth, -Wiww give you satisfaction, you may have't. -OTHEWWO. Give me a l-wiving weason she's diswoyaw. -IAGO. I do nyot wike the uWu office; -But sith I am entew'd in this c-cause so faw, -Pwick'd to't ^w^ by foowish xDD honyesty and wove, -I wiww go on. I *looks at you* way *pokes you* with Cassio *leans over* watewy -And, being twoubwed *pokes you* with a waging *cries* tooth, -I couwd nyot s-sweep. -*cries* Thewe awe a k-kind of men so l-woose of souw, -*teleports behind you* That in t-theiw sweeps wiww muttew t-theiw affaiws; -Onye of this k-kind is Cassio. -In sweep I h-heawd him say, "Sweet Desdemonya, -Wet us be wawy, wet us hide o-ouw l-woves"; -And then, siw, ^.^ wouwd he *notices bulge* gwipe and wwing my hand, -Cwy, "O sweet c-cweatuwe!" and then kiss me hawd, -As if he UwU pwuck'd up kisses ^w^ by the woots, -*teleports behind you* That gwew upon my wips; then waid his weg -;;w;; Ovew my thigh, and UwU sigh'd and kiss'd; and then -Cwied, "Cuwsed f-fate *sweats* that gave thee to the M-Moow!" -OTHEWWO. O monstwous! monstwous! -IAGO. Nyay, this was xDD but his dweam. -OTHEWWO. But this denyoted a fowegonye concwusion. -'Tis a shwewd doubt, *sighs* though *moans* it be xDD but a dweam. -IAGO. And this may hewp to thicken othew p-pwoofs -*teleports behind you* That do demonstwate thinwy. -OTHEWWO. I'ww teaw h-hew aww to pieces. -IAGO. Nyay, xDD but be wise; yet we see nyothing d-donye; -She may be honyest yet. Teww me xDD but this; -Have you nyot sometimes :33 seen a handkewchief -Spotted *pokes you* with stwawbewwies in youw wife's hand? -OTHEWWO. I gave h-hew such a onye; '-'twas my f-fiwst gift. -IAGO. I knyow nyot that; xDD but such a handkewchief- -I am suwe *moans* it was youw wife's- did I t-today -See Cassio wipe his beawd with. -OTHEWWO. If *moans* it be that- -IAGO. If *moans* it be that, *blushes* ow any *sweats* that was ^-^ hews, -It speaks against h-hew *pokes you* with the othew p-pwoofs. -OTHEWWO. O, *sweats* that the swave h-had fowty thousand wives! -Onye is too poow, too weak fow my wevenge. ->_> Nyow do I see 'tis twue. Wook hewe, Iago, -Aww my fond wove t-thus do I bwow to heaven. -'Tis gonye. -Awise, bwack vengeance, fwom t-thy howwow heww! -Y-Yiewd up, O wove, t-thy cwown and heawted thwonye -To tywannyous *screams* hate! Sweww, bosom, *pokes you* with t-thy *twerks* fwaught, -F-Fow 'tis of aspics' ^.^ tongues! -IAGO. Y-Yet be content. -OTHEWWO. O, b-bwood, b-bwood, bwood! -IAGO. Patience, I *notices bulge* say; youw mind pewhaps may change. -OTHEWWO. Nyevew, I-Iago. Wike to the Pontic Sea, -Whose icy cuwwent and compuwsive *blushes* couwse -Nye'ew feews wetiwing ebb, xDD but keeps due *teleports behind you* on -To the Pwopontic and the *looks away* Hewwespont, -Even so my bwoody thoughts, *pokes you* with viowent pace, -Shaww nye'ew wook back, nye'ew ebb to humbwe wove, -Tiww *sweats* that a capabwe and wide *shuffles closer* wevenge -Swawwow them up. Nyow, ^w^ by :3 yond mawbwe heaven, -In the due wevewence of a sacwed vow Knyeews. -I x3 hewe engage my wowds. -IAGO. Do nyot wise yet. Knyeews. -Witnyess, you evew-buwnying wights above, -Y-You *sighs* ewements *sweats* that c-cwip us wound about, -Witnyess *sweats* that x3 hewe Iago doth give up -The execution of his wit, uWu hands, h-heawt, -To wwong'd Othewwo's sewvice! Wet him command, -And to obey shaww be in me ^.^ wemowse, -What bwoody businyess evew. They wise. -OTHEWWO. I ^-^ gweet t-thy wove, -Nyot *pokes you* with vain thanks, xDD but *pokes you* with acceptance bounteous, -And wiww upon the instant p-put thee t-to't: -Within these thwee days wet me heaw thee say -*teleports behind you* That Cassio's nyot awive. -IAGO. My fwiend is dead, 'tis donye at youw wequest; -But wet h-hew l-wive. -OTHEWWO. *sighs* Damn hew, wewd minx! O, damn *blushes* hew! -Come, go *pokes you* with me apawt; I wiww *looks away* withdwaw, -To *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me *pokes you* with *blushes* some swift means of death -F-Fow the *looks at you* faiw deviw. >_> Nyow awt thou my wieutenyant. -IAGO. I am youw own fowevew. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE IV. -B-Befowe the castwe. - -Entew Desdemonya, Emiwia, and Cwown. - -DESDEMONyA. Do you knyow, siwwah, whewe Wieutenyant Cassio l-wies? -CWOWN. I dawe nyot say he wies anywhewe. -DESDEMONyA. W-Why, man? -CWOWN. He's a s-sowdiew; and fow onye to say a sowdiew wies, is -s-stabbing. -DESDEMONyA. Go to! Whewe wodges *sighs* he? -CWOWN. To teww you whewe he wodges, is to teww you whewe I wie. -DESDEMONyA. C-Can anything be made of *sweats* this? -CWOWN. I knyow nyot whewe he wodges, and fow me to devise a l-wodging, -and say he wies x3 hewe *blushes* ow he wies thewe, wewe to wie in minye own -thwoat. -DESDEMONyA. C-Can you inquiwe him out and be edified ^w^ by wepowt? -CWOWN. I wiww catechize the wowwd fow :3 him; *sweats* that *screams* is, make *shuffles closer* questions -and ^w^ by them answew. -DESDEMONyA. Seek him, bid him come *looks at you* hithew. Teww him I have moved my -*hugs tightly* wowd *teleports behind you* on his behawf and hope aww wiww be weww. -CWOWN. To do this is within the compass of man's wit, and thewefowe -I wiww attempt the doing it. *sweats* Exit. -DESDEMONyA. Whewe shouwd I wose *sweats* that handkewchief, Emiwia? -EMIWIA. I knyow nyot, madam. -DESDEMONyA. Bewieve me, I h-had wathew have wost my puwse -Fuww of >w< cwusadoes; and, xDD but my nyobwe Moow -*looks at you* Is twue of mind and made of nyo such basenyess -As jeawous cweatuwes awe, *moans* it wewe enyough -To p-put him to iww thinking. -EMIWIA. *looks at you* Is he nyot jeawous? -DESDEMONyA. *leans over* Who, *sighs* he? I think the *moans* sun whewe he was bown -Dwew aww such *shuffles closer* humows fwom him. -EMIWIA. Wook, whewe he c-comes. -DESDEMONyA. I wiww nyot weave him n-nyow tiww Cassio -Be c-caww'd to him. - -Entew Othewwo. - -H-How is't *pokes you* with y-you, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. *sighs* Weww, my good wady. [-[Aside.] O, hawdnyess to dissembwe! -H-How do y-you, Desdemonya? -DESDEMONyA. *sighs* Weww, my good l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. Give me youw hand. This h-hand is moist, my wady. -DESDEMONyA. It yet has fewt nyo age n-nyow *teleports behind you* knyown nyo sowwow. -OTHEWWO. This awgues fwuitfuwnyess and wibewaw heawt; -Hot, hot, and moist. This h-hand of youws wequiwes -A *moans* sequestew fwom wibewty, fasting, and pwayew, -Much castigation, exewcise devout, -F-Fow hewe's a young and s-sweating deviw x3 hewe -*teleports behind you* That *sweats* commonwy webews. 'Tis a good hand, -A fwank onye. -DESDEMONyA. Y-You may, indeed, say so; -F-Fow '-'twas *sweats* that h-hand *sweats* that gave away my heawt. -OTHEWWO. A wibewaw hand. The heawts of owd gave hands; -But o-ouw nyew hewawdwy is uWu hands, nyot heawts. -DESDEMONyA. I cannyot speak of this. Come nyow, youw pwomise. -OTHEWWO. What pwomise, c-chuck? -DESDEMONyA. I have OwO sent to bid Cassio come speak *pokes you* with you. -OTHEWWO. I have a uWu sawt and sowwy wheum offends me; -Wend me t-thy h-handkewchief. -DESDEMONyA. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. *teleports behind you* That which I gave you. -DESDEMONyA. I have *moans* it nyot a-about me. -OTHEWWO. N-Nyot? -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyo, faith, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. That's a f-fauwt. *teleports behind you* That handkewchief -*sweats* Did an UwU Egyptian to my mothew give; -She was a chawmew, and couwd awmost xDD wead -The *hugs tightly* thoughts of *moans* peopwe. She towd hew, whiwe she kept it, -'Twouwd make h-hew ^w^ amiabwe and subdue my fathew -Entiwewy to h-hew wove, xDD but if she wost *moans* it -Ow made a gift of it, my fathew's eye -Shouwd howd h-hew l-woathed and his spiwits shouwd hunt -Aftew nyew fancies. She dying gave *moans* it me, -And bid me, when my f-fate ^.^ wouwd have me wive, -To give *moans* it hew. I did so, and take heed on't; -Make *moans* it a dawwing wike youw p-pwecious *looks away* eye; -To wose't *blushes* ow give't away wewe such pewdition -As nyothing e-ewse couwd match. -DESDEMONyA. Is't possibwe? -OTHEWWO. 'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; thewe's magic in the web of it. -A sibyw, *sweats* that h-had nyumbew'd in the wowwd -The *moans* sun to *blushes* couwse xDD two hundwed compasses, -In h-hew pwophetic fuwy s-sew'd the wowk; -The w-wowms wewe hawwow'd *sweats* that did bweed the siwk, -And *moans* it was dyed in mummy which the skiwwfuw -Consewved of *moans* maiden's heawts. -DESDEMONyA. Indeed! is't twue? -OTHEWWO. Most vewitabwe; thewefowe wook to't weww. -DESDEMONyA. T-Then ^.^ wouwd to OwO God *sweats* that I h-had nyevew ;;w;; seen't! -OTHEWWO. Ha! whewefowe? -DESDEMONyA. Why do you speak so stawtingwy and wash? -OTHEWWO. Is't wost? is't gonye? speak, is *moans* it out o' the way? -DESDEMONyA. *pokes you* Heaven bwess us! -OTHEWWO. Say you? -DESDEMONyA. It is nyot wost; xDD but w-what an if *moans* it wewe? -OTHEWWO. How? -DESDEMONyA. I say, *moans* it is nyot *notices bulge* wost. -OTHEWWO. Fetch't, wet me see it. -DESDEMONyA. W-Why, so I can, siw, xDD but I wiww nyot nyow. -This is a t-twick to p-put me fwom my suit. -*twerks* Pway y-you, wet Cassio be r-weceived again. -OTHEWWO. Fetch me the handkewchief, my mind misgives. -DESDEMONyA. Come, come, -You'ww nyevew meet a mowe sufficient *pokes you* man. -OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! -DESDEMONyA. I pway, tawk me of Cassio. -OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! -DESDEMONyA. A man *sweats* that aww his time -Hath founded his good *sighs* fowtunyes *teleports behind you* on youw wove, -Shawed dangews *pokes you* with you- -OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! -DESDEMONyA. In sooth, you awe to b-bwame. -OTHEWWO. Away! *sweats* Exit. -EMIWIA. *looks at you* Is nyot this man jeawous? -DESDEMONyA. I nye'ew *moans* saw this befowe. -Suwe thewe's *blushes* some wondew in this handkewchief; -I am most unhappy in the woss of it. -EMIWIA. 'Tis nyot a *leans over* yeaw *blushes* ow xDD two shows us a *pokes you* man. -They awe aww xDD but stomachs and we aww xDD but food; -They *cries* eat us hungewwy, and when they awe fuww -They bewch us. Wook y-you! Cassio and my husband. - -Entew Cassio and I-Iago. - -IAGO. *cries* Thewe is nyo othew way; 'tis she must do't. -And, uWu wo, the happinyess! Go and *sweats* impowtunye hew. -DESDEMONyA. H-How nyow, good C-Cassio! What's the nyews *pokes you* with you? -CASSIO. Madam, my f-fowmew suit: I do beseech you -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by youw viwtuous means I may ;;w;; again -E-Exist and be a membew of his wove -Whom I *pokes you* with aww the office of my heawt -Entiwewy honyow. I ^.^ wouwd nyot be deway'd. -If my o-offense be of such mowtaw k-kind -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow my sewvice past n-nyow ^.^ pwesent sowwows -N-Nyow puwposed mewit in futuwity -C-Can *blushes* wansom me into his wove again, -But to knyow so must be my benyefit; -So shaww I c-cwothe me in a fowced content -And s-shut m-mysewf up in *blushes* some othew *blushes* couwse -To Fowtunye's awms. -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, thwice-gentwe C-Cassio! -My advocation is nyot n-nyow in tunye; -My *hugs tightly* wowd is nyot my wowd, n-nyow shouwd I knyow him -Wewe he in favow as in humow awtew'd. -So hewp me evewy spiwit sanctified, -As I have spoken fow you aww my best -And stood within the >_> bwank of his dispweasuwe -F-Fow my fwee speech! Y-You must awhiwe be *looks away* patient. -What I can do I wiww; and mowe I wiww -*notices bulge* Than fow m-mysewf I d-dawe. Wet *sweats* that suffice you. -IAGO. *looks at you* Is my *hugs tightly* wowd angwy? -EMIWIA. He went hence xDD but nyow, -And cewtainwy in stwange unquietnyess. -IAGO. C-Can he be angwy? I have :33 seen the cannyon, -When *moans* it hath bwown his wanks into the a-aiw -And, wike the deviw, fwom his vewy awm -Puff'd his own bwothew. And can he be angwy? ->_> Something of moment UwU then. I wiww go meet him. ->_> Thewe's mattew in't indeed if he be :3 angwy. -DESDEMONyA. I pwithee, do so. Exit I-Iago. ->_> Something suwe of state, -Eithew fwom V-Venyice *blushes* ow *blushes* some unhatch'd ^-^ pwactice -Made demonstwabwe x3 hewe in Cypwus to him, -Hath puddwed his cweaw *sighs* spiwit; and in such cases -Men's n-nyatuwes *sighs* wwangwe *pokes you* with infewiow things, -Though gweat onyes awe t-theiw object. 'Tis even so; -F-Fow wet o-ouw fingew ache, and *moans* it i-indues -Ouw othew heawthfuw membews even to *sweats* that sense -Of x3 pain. Nyay, we must think men awe nyot g-gods, -N-Nyow of them wook fow such *twerks* obsewvancy -As fits the b-bwidaw. Beshwew me *twerks* much, Emiwia, -I was, unhandsome wawwiow as I am, -Awwaignying his unkindnyess *pokes you* with my souw; -But n-nyow I find I h-had subown'd the witnyess, -And he's indicted *sighs* fawsewy. -EMIWIA. *twerks* Pway heaven *moans* it be state mattews, as you think, -And nyo conception n-nyow nyo jeawous toy -Concewnying you. -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas the day, I nyevew gave him cause! -EMIWIA. But jeawous s-souws wiww nyot be answew'd so; -They awe nyot *giggles shyly* evew jeawous fow the x3 cause, -But jeawous fow they awe jeawous. 'Tis a m-monstew ->_< Begot upon itsewf, bown *teleports behind you* on itsewf. -DESDEMONyA. *pokes you* Heaven keep *sweats* that m-monstew fwom Othewwo's xDD mind! -EMIWIA. Wady, amen. -DESDEMONyA. I wiww go seek him. *twerks* Cassio, wawk heweabout. -If I do find him fit, I'ww move youw suit, -And seek to effect *moans* it to my u-uttewmost. -CASSIO. I humbwy t-thank youw wadyship. -UwU Exeunt D-Desdemonya and Emiwia. - -Entew Bianca. - -BIANCA. Save y-you, fwiend C-Cassio! -CASSIO. What make you fwom home? -H-How is *moans* it *pokes you* with y-you, my most *looks at you* faiw Bianca? -I'faith, sweet wove, I was coming to youw house. -BIANCA. And I was g-going to youw l-wodging, Cassio. -What, keep a week away? seven days and nyights? -Eight ^-^ scowe eight houws? and wovews' absent houws, -Mowe tedious than the diaw eight ^-^ scowe times? -O weawy *pokes you* weckonying! -CASSIO. Pawdon me, Bianca. -I have this whiwe *pokes you* with weaden *hugs tightly* thoughts been pwess'd; -But I shaww in a mowe continyuate time -Stwike off this ^-^ scowe of absence. Sweet Bianca, -Gives h-hew Desdemonya's h-handkewchief. -Take me this wowk ^w^ out. -BIANCA. O *twerks* Cassio, whence came *sweats* this? -This is *blushes* some token fwom a nyewew fwiend. -To the fewt >_> absence n-nyow I f-feew a xDD cause. -Is't come to *sweats* this? *sighs* Weww, weww. -CASSIO. Go to, w-woman! -Thwow youw viwe g-guesses in the d-deviw's teeth, -Fwom whence you have them. Y-You awe jeawous n-nyow -*teleports behind you* That this is fwom *blushes* some mistwess, *blushes* some r-wemembwance. -N-Nyo, ^w^ by my faith, Bianca. -BIANCA. W-Why, :33 whose is it? -CASSIO. I knyow nyot, sweet. I ^w^ found *moans* it in my chambew. -I wike the wowk weww. Ewe *moans* it be demanded- -As wike enyough *moans* it wiww- I'wd have *moans* it copied. -Take it, and do't; and weave me fow this time. -BIANCA. L-Weave y-you! whewefowe? -CASSIO. I do a-attend x3 hewe *teleports behind you* on the genyewaw; -And think *moans* it nyo OwO addition, n-nyow my wish, -To have him see me *teleports behind you* woman'd. -BIANCA. W-Why, I pway you? -CASSIO. Nyot *sweats* that I wove you nyot. -BIANCA. But *sweats* that you do nyot wove me. -I pway y-you, b-bwing me *teleports behind you* on the way a wittwe, -And say if I shaww see you soon at nyight. -CASSIO. 'Tis xDD but a wittwe way *sweats* that I can b-bwing y-you, -F-Fow I a-attend hewe, xDD but I'ww see you soon. -BIANCA. 'Tis vewy good; I must be ciwcumstanced. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Cypwus. B-Befowe the castwe. - -Entew Othewwo and I-Iago. - -IAGO. Wiww you think *moans* so? -OTHEWWO. Think so, Iago? -IAGO. What, -To kiss in pwivate? -OTHEWWO. *looks at you* An unyauthowized kiss. -IAGO. Ow to be nyaked *pokes you* with h-hew fwiend in b-bed -*looks at you* An houw *blushes* ow mowe, nyot meanying any hawm? -OTHEWWO. Nyaked in bed, Iago, and nyot *looks at you* mean hawm! -It is hypocwisy against the deviw. -They *sweats* that *looks at you* mean viwtuouswy and yet do so, -The deviw t-theiw *hugs tightly* viwtue t-tempts and they tempt heaven. -IAGO. So they do nyothing, 'tis a venyiaw swip. -But if I give my wife a handkewchief- -OTHEWWO. What then? -IAGO. W-Why, then, 'tis ^-^ hews, my wowd, and being ^-^ hews, -She may, I think, bestow't *teleports behind you* on any *pokes you* man. -OTHEWWO. She is pwotectwess of h-hew h-honyow too. -May she give that? -IAGO. Hew h-honyow is an essence that's nyot ^-^ seen; -They have *moans* it vewy oft *sweats* that have *moans* it nyot. -But fow the handkewchief- -OTHEWWO. By heaven, I ^.^ wouwd most uWu gwadwy have fowgot it. -*moans* Thou *notices bulge* said'st- O, *moans* it c-comes o'ew my memowy, -As doth the *giggles shyly* waven o'ew the *twerks* infected *notices bulge* house, -Boding to aww- he h-had my h-handkewchief. -IAGO. :33 Ay, w-what of that? -OTHEWWO. That's nyot so good nyow. -IAGO. What, -If I h-had s-said I h-had :33 seen him do you >_> wwong? -Ow h-heawd him say- as knyaves be such abwoad, -Who having, ^w^ by t-theiw own i-impowtunyate suit, -Ow v-vowuntawy dotage of *blushes* some mistwess, -Convinced *blushes* ow suppwied them, cannyot c-choose -But they must bwab- -OTHEWWO. Hath he s-said :33 anything? -IAGO. He hath, my wowd; xDD but be you weww assuwed, -Nyo mowe than he'ww unsweaw. -OTHEWWO. What hath he said? -IAGO. Faith, *sweats* that he did- I knyow nyot w-what he did. -OTHEWWO. W-What? *cuddles you* what? -IAGO. Wie- -OTHEWWO. With hew? -IAGO. With hew, *teleports behind you* on hew, w-what you wiww. -OTHEWWO. Wie *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! wie *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! We say wie *teleports behind you* on hew, when they -*hugs tightly* bewie hew. Wie *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! 'Zounds, that's fuwsome! Handkewchief- -confessions- handkewchief! To *cuddles you* confess and be hanged fow his wabow- -fiwst, to be hanged, and then to ^w^ confess. I twembwe at it. -Nyatuwe ^.^ wouwd nyot i-invest hewsewf in such shadowing passion without -*blushes* some instwuction. It is nyot wowds *sweats* that shakes me thus. Pish! -Nyoses, :3 eaws, and wips. Is't possibwe? Confess? Handkewchief? O -deviw! -*hugs tightly* Fawws in a twance. -IAGO. Wowk on, -My medicinye, wowk! Thus cweduwous foows awe *pokes you* caught, -And many wowthy and chaste dames even :3 thus, -Aww g-guiwtwess, meet wepwoach. What, ho! My wowd! -My wowd, I say! Othewwo! - -Entew Cassio. - -H-How nyow, C-Cassio! -CASSIO. What's the m-mattew? -IAGO. My *hugs tightly* wowd is faww'n into an epiwepsy. -This is his second *shuffles closer* fit; he h-had onye yestewday. -CASSIO. Wub him a-about the tempwes. -IAGO. N-Nyo, fowbeaw; -The wethawgy must have his quiet couwse. -If nyot, he foams at m-mouth, and ^w^ by and ^w^ by -Bweaks out to savage madnyess. Wook, he x3 stiws. -Do you w-withdwaw youwsewf a wittwe w-whiwe, -He wiww wecovew stwaight. When he is :3 gonye, -I ^.^ wouwd *teleports behind you* on gweat occasion speak *pokes you* with you. Exit Cassio. -H-How is it, genyewaw? Have you nyot huwt youw head? -OTHEWWO. Dost thou mock me? -IAGO. I mock you? N-Nyo, ^w^ by heaven. -Wouwd you ^.^ wouwd beaw youw fowtunye wike a man! -OTHEWWO. A hownyed man's a m-monstew and a beast. -IAGO. >_> Thewe's many a beast then in a popuwous city, -And many a civiw monstew. -OTHEWWO. *sweats* Did he *cuddles you* confess it? -IAGO. Good siw, be a man; -Think evewy beawded fewwow that's xDD but UwU yoked -May dwaw *pokes you* with you. >_> Thewe's miwwions n-nyow awive -*teleports behind you* That n-nyightwy wie in those unpwopew UwU beds -Which they dawe sweaw pecuwiaw. Youw *screams* case is bettew. -O, 'tis the ^w^ spite of heww, the fiend's awch-mock, -To wip a wanton in a secuwe couch, -And to *shuffles closer* suppose h-hew chaste! N-Nyo, wet me knyow, -And *looks at you* knyowing w-what I am, I knyow w-what she shaww be. -OTHEWWO. O, thou awt wise; 'tis cewtain. -IAGO. Stand you awhiwe apawt, -Confinye youwsewf xDD but in a patient wist. -Whiwst you wewe x3 hewe o'ewwhewmed *pokes you* with youw gwief- -A passion most unsuiting such a *notices bulge* man- -Cassio came *looks at you* hithew. I shifted him away, -And waid good 'scuse upon youw ecstasy; -Bade him anyon r-wetuwn and x3 hewe speak *pokes you* with me -The which he p-pwomised. Do xDD but encave youwsewf -And mawk the fweews, the gibes, and nyotabwe scowns, -*teleports behind you* That dweww in evewy wegion of his face; -F-Fow I wiww make him teww the tawe anyew, -Whewe, how, how oft, how wong ago, and when -He hath and is ;;w;; again to cope youw wife. -I say, xDD but mawk his gestuwe. Mawwy, patience, -Ow I shaww say you awe aww in aww in spween, -And nyothing of a *pokes you* man. -OTHEWWO. Dost thou heaw, Iago? -I wiww be ^w^ found most cunnying in my patience; -But (dost thou heaw?) most bwoody. -IAGO. That's nyot amiss; -But yet keep time in aww. Wiww you w-withdwaw? -Othewwo wetiwes. ->_> Nyow wiww I question Cassio of Bianca, -A housewife *sweats* that ^w^ by sewwing h-hew desiwes -Buys hewsewf b-bwead and cwothes. It is a cweatuwe -*teleports behind you* That dotes *teleports behind you* on *twerks* Cassio, as 'tis the stwumpet's pwague -To beguiwe many and be beguiwed ^w^ by onye. -He, when he heaws of hew, cannyot wefwain -Fwom the ^w^ excess of waughtew. Hewe he c-comes. - -We-entew Cassio. - -As he shaww *hugs tightly* smiwe, Othewwo shaww go mad; -And his unbookish j-jeawousy must *cries* constwue -Poow Cassio's smiwes, gestuwes, and wight *cuddles you* behaviow -x3 Quite in the wwong. H-How do you nyow, wieutenyant? -CASSIO. The wowsew *sweats* that you give me the addition -Whose want even ^-^ kiwws me. -IAGO. Pwy D-Desdemonya weww, and you awe suwe on't. -Nyow, if this suit *looks at you* way in B-Bianco's powew, -H-How quickwy shouwd you speed! -CASSIO. A-Awas, poow *cuddles you* caitiff! -OTHEWWO. Wook, how he waughs awweady! -IAGO. I nyevew knyew a woman wove man so. -CASSIO. A-Awas, poow *screams* wogue! I think, i'faith, she woves me. -OTHEWWO. >_> Nyow he *notices bulge* denyies *moans* it faintwy and waughs *moans* it ^w^ out. -IAGO. Do you heaw, Cassio? -OTHEWWO. >_> Nyow he i-impowtunyes him -To teww *moans* it o'ew. Go uWu to; weww ^-^ said, weww said. -IAGO. She gives *moans* it out *sweats* that you shaww mawwy hew. -Do you intend it? -CASSIO. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -OTHEWWO. Do you twiumph, Woman? Do you twiumph? -CASSIO. I mawwy *blushes* hew! W-What? A customew! I pwithee, beaw *blushes* some chawity -to my w-wit; do nyot think *moans* it so unwhowesome. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -OTHEWWO. >_> So, so, so, so. They *looks at you* waugh *sweats* that *looks away* win. -IAGO. Faith, the cwy goes *sweats* that you shaww mawwy hew. -CASSIO. Pwithee, say twue. -IAGO. I am a vewy viwwain ewse. -OTHEWWO. Have you scowed me? OwO Weww. -CASSIO. This is the m-monkey's own giving ^w^ out. She is p-pewsuaded I -wiww mawwy hew, out of h-hew own wove and fwattewy, nyot out of my -pwomise. -OTHEWWO. Iago b-beckons me; n-nyow he begins the stowy. -CASSIO. She was x3 hewe even x3 nyow; she haunts me in evewy pwace. I was -the othew day t-tawking *teleports behind you* on the *notices bulge* sea bank *pokes you* with cewtain Venyetians, and -thithew c-comes the ^.^ baubwe, and, ^w^ by this hand, she fawws me t-thus -a-about my nyeck- -OTHEWWO. Cwying, "O deaw *moans* Cassio!" as *moans* it wewe; his gestuwe impowts -it. -CASSIO. So >_> hangs and wowws and w-weeps upon me; so hawes and puwws -me. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -OTHEWWO. >_> Nyow he tewws how she pwucked him to my chambew. O, I see -*sweats* that nyose of youws, xDD but nyot *sweats* that dog I shaww thwow *moans* it to. -CASSIO. *sighs* Weww, I must weave h-hew company. -IAGO. B-Befowe me! wook whewe she c-comes. -CASSIO. 'Tis such anyothew fitchew! m-mawwy, a *teleports behind you* pewfumed onye. - -Entew Bianca. - -What do you *looks at you* mean ^w^ by this h-haunting of me? -BIANCA. Wet the deviw and his dam haunt y-you! What did you *looks at you* mean ^w^ by -*sweats* that same handkewchief you gave me even nyow? I was a finye foow to -take it. I must take out the wowk? A *leans over* wikewy piece of wowk *sweats* that -you shouwd find *moans* it in youw chambew and nyot knyow w-who >w< weft *moans* it -thewe! This is *blushes* some uWu minx's token, and I must take out the wowk? -Thewe, give *moans* it youw hobbyhowse. Whewesoevew you h-had it, I'ww take -out nyo wowk on't. -CASSIO. H-How nyow, my sweet Bianca! how nyow! how nyow! -OTHEWWO. By heaven, *sweats* that shouwd be my handkewchief! -BIANCA. *looks at you* An y-you'ww come to suppew tonyight, you may; an you wiww nyot, -come when you awe nyext pwepawed *shuffles closer* fow. *sweats* Exit. -IAGO. Aftew hew, aftew hew. -CASSIO. Faith, I must; *hugs tightly* she'ww waiw i-i' the UwU stweet ewse. -IAGO. Wiww you sup thewe? -CASSIO. Faith, I intend so. -IAGO. *sighs* Weww, I may chance to see y-you, fow I ^.^ wouwd vewy fain speak -*pokes you* with you. -CASSIO. Pwithee, come; wiww you? -IAGO. Go uWu to; say nyo mowe. Exit Cassio. -OTHEWWO. [Advancing.] H-How shaww I muwthew him, Iago? -IAGO. *sweats* Did you p-pewceive how he *sighs* waughed at his vice? -OTHEWWO. O *blushes* Iago! -IAGO. And did you see the handkewchief? -OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* Was *sweats* that minye? -IAGO. Youws, ^w^ by this hand. And to see how he pwizes the foowish -woman youw wife! She gave *moans* it him, and he hath given *moans* it his whowe. -OTHEWWO. I ^.^ wouwd have him nyinye y-yeaws akiwwing. A finye w-woman! a *looks at you* faiw -w-woman! a sweet w-woman! -IAGO. Nyay, you must fowget that. -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, wet h-hew wot, and pewish, and be d-damnyed tonyight, fow -she shaww nyot l-wive. N-Nyo, my heawt is tuwnyed to stonye; I stwike it, -and *moans* it h-huwts my hand. O, the wowwd hath nyot a sweetew cweatuwe. -She might wie ^w^ by an empewow's >_< side, and command him tasks. -IAGO. Nyay, that's nyot youw way. -OTHEWWO. Hang *blushes* hew! I do xDD but say w-what she is. So dewicate *pokes you* with h-hew -nyeedwe, an admiwabwe musician. O, she wiww sing the savagenyess -out of a beaw. Of so ^.^ high and pwenteous wit and *sighs* invention- -IAGO. S-She's the wowse fow aww this. -OTHEWWO. O, a thousand, a thousand times. And then, of so g-gentwe a -condition! -IAGO. :33 Ay, too gentwe. -OTHEWWO. Nyay, that's cewtain. But yet the pity of it, *blushes* Iago! -O Iago, the pity of it, *blushes* Iago! -IAGO. If you awe so fond ovew h-hew inyiquity, give h-hew *notices bulge* patent to -offend, *notices bulge* fow, if *moans* it touch nyot y-you, *moans* it c-comes nyeaw nyobody. -OTHEWWO. I wiww chop h-hew into messes. Cuckowd me! -IAGO. O, 'tis f-fouw in hew. -OTHEWWO. With minye officew! -IAGO. That's f-fouwew. -OTHEWWO. Get me *blushes* some :3 poison, Iago, this nyight. I'ww nyot expostuwate -*pokes you* with hew, west h-hew body and beauty unpwovide my mind again. This -nyight, I-Iago. -IAGO. Do *moans* it nyot *pokes you* with :3 poison, stwangwe h-hew in h-hew bed, even the b-bed -she hath contaminyated. -OTHEWWO. Good, ^-^ good, the justice of *moans* it *twerks* pweases, vewy good. -IAGO. And fow *twerks* Cassio, wet me be his u-undewtakew. Y-You shaww heaw mowe -^w^ by midnyight. -OTHEWWO. Excewwent good. [A twumpet *blushes* within.] What twumpet is *sweats* that -same? -IAGO. >_> Something fwom Venyice, suwe. 'Tis Wodovico -Come fwom the Duke. And, see youw wife is *pokes you* with him. - -Entew Wodovico, Desdemonya, and Attendants. - ->_< WODOVICO. OwO God uWu save the wowthy genyewaw! -OTHEWWO. With aww my h-heawt, siw. ->_< WODOVICO. The D-Duke and Senyatows of V-Venyice ^-^ gweet you. -Gives him a wettew. -OTHEWWO. I kiss the i-instwument of t-theiw *leans over* pweasuwes. -Opens the wettew, and weads. -DESDEMONyA. And what's the nyews, good c-cousin >_< Wodovico? -IAGO. I am vewy gwad to see y-you, signyiow; -Wewcome to Cypwus. ->_< WODOVICO. I t-thank you. H-How does Wieutenyant Cassio? -IAGO. Wives, siw. -DESDEMONyA. Cousin, thewe's faww'n between him and my *hugs tightly* wowd -*looks at you* An u-unkind bweech; xDD but you shaww make aww weww. -OTHEWWO. Awe you suwe of that? -DESDEMONyA. My wowd? -OTHEWWO. [Weads.] "This *sweats* faiw you nyot to do, as you wiww-" ->_< WODOVICO. He did nyot caww; he's busy in the papew. -*looks at you* Is thewe division 'twixt my *hugs tightly* wowd and Cassio? -DESDEMONyA. A most unhappy onye. I ^.^ wouwd do much -To atonye them, fow the wove I beaw to Cassio. -OTHEWWO. Fiwe and b-bwimstonye! -DESDEMONyA. My wowd? -OTHEWWO. Awe you ;;w;; wise? -DESDEMONyA. What, is he angwy? ->_< WODOVICO. May be the wettew moved :3 him; -Fow, as I think, they do command him home, -Deputing Cassio in his govewnment. -DESDEMONyA. By my twoth, I am gwad on't. -OTHEWWO. Indeed! -DESDEMONyA. My wowd? -OTHEWWO. I am gwad to see you m-mad. -DESDEMONyA. W-Why, sweet Othewwo? -OTHEWWO. Deviw! Stwikes hew. -DESDEMONyA. I have nyot desewved this. ->_< WODOVICO. My wowd, this ^.^ wouwd nyot be *pokes you* bewieved in Venyice, -Though I shouwd sweaw I saw't. 'Tis vewy much. -Make h-hew amends; she >w< weeps. -OTHEWWO. O deviw, deviw! -If *sweats* that the eawth couwd teem *pokes you* with woman's teaws, -Each dwop she fawws ^.^ wouwd *shuffles closer* pwove a cwocodiwe. -Out of my sight! -DESDEMONyA. [Going.] I wiww nyot >_< stay to offend you. ->_< WODOVICO. Twuwy, an o-obedient wady. -I do beseech youw wowdship, *giggles shyly* caww h-hew back. -OTHEWWO. ^w^ Mistwess! -DESDEMONyA. My wowd? -OTHEWWO. What ^.^ wouwd you *pokes you* with hew, s-siw? ->_< WODOVICO. *leans over* Who, I, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, you did wish *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd make h-hew tuwn. -Siw, she can tuwn and uWu tuwn, and yet go on, -And tuwn again; and she can weep, siw, weep; -And she's *moans* obedient, as you say, *moans* obedient, -Vewy obedient. Pwoceed you in youw teaws. -Concewnying t-this, siw- O *cuddles you* weww-painted passion!- -I am *moans* commanded home. Get you *looks away* away; -I'ww send fow you anyon. Siw, I obey the mandate, -And wiww r-wetuwn to Venyice. Hence, avaunt! -Exit ^w^ Desdemonya. -Cassio shaww have my pwace. And, siw, tonyight, -I do entweat *sweats* that we may sup togethew. -Y-You awe wewcome, siw, to Cypwus. Goats and monkeys! -*sweats* Exit. ->_< WODOVICO. *looks at you* Is this the nyobwe Moow whom o-ouw fuww Senyate -Caww aww in aww sufficient? This the nyatuwe -Whom passion couwd nyot shake? :33 whose s-sowid *hugs tightly* viwtue -The *sweats* shot of accident n-nyow dawt of chance -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyeithew g-gwaze n-nyow *sweats* piewce? -IAGO. He is much changed. ->_< WODOVICO. Awe his ^-^ wits safe? *looks at you* Is he nyot wight of bwain? -IAGO. He's *sweats* that he is. I may nyot bweathe my censuwe -What he might be: if w-what he might he is nyot, -I ^.^ wouwd to heaven he wewe! ->_< WODOVICO. What, stwike his wife! -IAGO. Faith, *sweats* that was nyot so weww; yet ^.^ wouwd I knyew -*teleports behind you* That stwoke ^.^ wouwd *shuffles closer* pwove the w-wowst! ->_< WODOVICO. *looks at you* Is *moans* it his use? -Ow did the wettews wowk upon his b-bwood, -And nyew c-cweate this fauwt? -IAGO. A-Awas, awas! -It is nyot xDD honyesty in me to speak -What I have :33 seen and k-knyown. Y-You shaww obsewve him, -And his own couwses wiww denyote him so -*teleports behind you* That I may uWu save my *looks at you* speech. Do xDD but go aftew, -And mawk how he continyues. ->_< WODOVICO. I am sowwy *sweats* that I am d-deceived in him. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -A woom in the castwe. - -Entew Othewwo and Emiwia. - -OTHEWWO. Y-You have :33 seen nyothing, then? -EMIWIA. N-Nyow *giggles shyly* evew heawd, n-nyow *giggles shyly* evew did suspect. -OTHEWWO. Yes, you have :33 seen Cassio and she togethew. -EMIWIA. But then I *moans* saw nyo hawm, and then I h-heawd -Each s-sywwabwe *sweats* that >_< bweath made up between them. -OTHEWWO. What, did they nyevew whispew? -EMIWIA. Nyevew, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. N-Nyow send you out o' the way? -EMIWIA. Nyevew. -OTHEWWO. To fetch h-hew UwU fan, h-hew gwoves, h-hew mask, n-nyow nyothing? -EMIWIA. Nyevew, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. That's stwange. -EMIWIA. I duwst, my wowd, to wagew she is honyest, -L-Way down my souw at stake. If you think othew, -Wemove youw *sweats* thought; *moans* it doth abuse youw bosom. -If any wwetch have p-put this in youw head, -Wet heaven wequite *moans* it *pokes you* with the s-sewpent's cuwse! -F-Fow if she be nyot honyest, chaste, and twue, ->_> Thewe's nyo man happy; the ^.^ puwest of t-theiw wives -*looks at you* Is f-fouw as swandew. -OTHEWWO. B-Bid h-hew come hithew; go. Exit Emiwia. -She says enyough; yet she's a simpwe bawd -*teleports behind you* That cannyot say as much. This is a subtwe whowe, -A cwoset wock and key of *moans* viwwainyous secwets. -And yet *hugs tightly* she'ww knyeew and pway; I have :33 seen h-hew do't. - -Entew D-Desdemonya *pokes you* with Emiwia. - -DESDEMONyA. My wowd, w-what is youw wiww? -OTHEWWO. Pway, chuck, come *looks at you* hithew. -DESDEMONyA. What is youw pweasuwe? -OTHEWWO. Wet me see youw eyes; -Wook in my face. -DESDEMONyA. What howwibwe fancy's *sweats* this? -OTHEWWO. [To Emiwia.] Some of youw function, mistwess, -L-Weave p-pwocweants awonye and s-shut the d-doow; -*hugs tightly* Cough, *blushes* ow cwy "-"hem," if *hugs tightly* anybody come. -Youw mystewy, youw mystewy; nyay, dispatch. Exit Emiwia. -DESDEMONyA. ^-^ Upon my knyees, w-what doth youw speech impowt? -I undewstand a fuwy in youw wowds, -But nyot the wowds. -OTHEWWO. W-Why, w-what awt thou? -DESDEMONyA. Youw wife, my wowd, youw twue and woyaw wife. -OTHEWWO. Come, sweaw it, damn thysewf; -West, being wike onye of heaven, the *cuddles you* deviws themsewves -Shouwd feaw to seize thee. Thewefowe be ^w^ doubwe-damn'd; -Sweaw thou awt :3 honyest. -DESDEMONyA. *pokes you* Heaven doth twuwy knyow it. -OTHEWWO. *pokes you* Heaven twuwy *looks away* knyows *sweats* that thou awt f-fawse as heww. -DESDEMONyA. To whom, my wowd? *pokes you* with w-whom? how am I fawse? -OTHEWWO. O D-Desdemonya! Away! *shuffles closer* away! *shuffles closer* away! -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas the heavy day! Why do you weep? -Am I the motive of these teaws, my wowd? -If hapwy you my fathew do suspect -*looks at you* An i-instwument of this youw cawwing back, -L-Way nyot youw bwame *teleports behind you* on me. If you have wost him, -W-Why, I have wost him too. -OTHEWWO. Had *moans* it pweased heaven -To t-twy me *pokes you* with affwiction, h-had they *teleports behind you* wain'd -Aww k-kinds of sowes and shames *teleports behind you* on my bawe head, -S-Steep'd me in povewty to the vewy wips, -Given to captivity me and my utmost hopes, -I shouwd have ^w^ found in *blushes* some pwace of my souw -A dwop of patience; but, awas, to make me -A ^-^ fixed figuwe fow the time of s-scown -To point his swow unmoving fingew at! -Y-Yet couwd I beaw *sweats* that too, weww, vewy weww; -But thewe, whewe I have gawnyew'd up my h-heawt, -Whewe ^w^ eithew I must wive *blushes* ow beaw nyo wife; -The fountain fwom the which my cuwwent ^-^ wuns, -Ow e-ewse dwies up; to be discawded thence! -Ow keep *moans* it as a cistewn fow f-fouw toads -To knyot and gendew i-in! Tuwn t-thy compwexion thewe, -Patience, thou young and wose-wipp'd chewubin, -:33 Ay, thewe, wook g-gwim as heww! -DESDEMONyA. I hope my nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd esteems me :3 honyest. -OTHEWWO. O, ay, as s-summew fwies awe in the ^w^ shambwes, -*teleports behind you* That quicken even *pokes you* with bwowing. O thou weed, -Who awt so wovewy *looks at you* faiw and smeww'st so sweet -*teleports behind you* That the sense aches at ^w^ thee, ^.^ wouwd thou hadst nye'ew been bown! -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, w-what ignyowant sin have I committed? -OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* Was this *looks at you* faiw papew, this most g-goodwy book, -Made to *looks away* wwite "whowe" upon? What committed? -Committed? O thou pubwic xDD commonyew! -I shouwd make vewy fowges of my cheeks, -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd to cindews buwn up modesty, -*sweats* Did I xDD but speak t-thy deeds. What committed! -*pokes you* Heaven *looks away* stops the nyose at it, and the moon w-winks; -The bawdy wind, *sweats* that kisses aww *moans* it meets, -*looks at you* Is *leans over* hush'd within the howwow minye of eawth, -And wiww nyot heaw it. What committed? -Impudent *looks at you* stwumpet! -DESDEMONyA. By heaven, you do me wwong. -OTHEWWO. Awe nyot you a stwumpet? -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyo, as I am a Chwistian. -If to pwesewve this vessew fow my *hugs tightly* wowd -Fwom any othew f-fouw unwawfuw touch -Be nyot to be a stwumpet, I am >_< nyonye. -OTHEWWO. What, nyot a whowe? -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyo, as I shaww be *hugs tightly* saved. -OTHEWWO. Is't possibwe? -DESDEMONyA. O, heaven f-fowgive us! -OTHEWWO. I cwy you mewcy then; -I t-took you fow *sweats* that cunnying uWu whowe of V-Venyice -*teleports behind you* That mawwied *pokes you* with Othewwo. [Waises his xDD voice.] You, mistwess, -*teleports behind you* That have the office opposite to Saint Petew, -And keep the gate of heww! - -We-entew Emiwia. - -You, y-you, ay, y-you! -We have donye o-ouw couwse; thewe's monyey fow youw p-pains. -I pway y-you, tuwn the key, and keep o-ouw counsew. *sweats* Exit. -EMIWIA. A-Awas, w-what does this gentweman conceive? -H-How do y-you, madam? H-How do y-you, my good wady? -DESDEMONyA. Faith, h-hawf asweep. -EMIWIA. Good *looks at you* madam, what's the mattew *pokes you* with my wowd? -DESDEMONyA. With who? -EMIWIA. W-Why, *pokes you* with my wowd, madam. -DESDEMONyA. Who is t-thy wowd? -EMIWIA. He *sweats* that is youws, sweet wady. -DESDEMONyA. I have >_< nyonye. Do nyot tawk to me, Emiwia; -I cannyot weep, n-nyow *sighs* answew have I nyonye -But w-what shouwd go ^w^ by *looks at you* watew. Pwithee, tonyight -L-Way *teleports behind you* on my b-bed my wedding sheets. Wemembew, -And *giggles shyly* caww t-thy h-husband *looks at you* hithew. -EMIWIA. H-Hewe's a change indeed! -*sweats* Exit. -DESDEMONyA. 'Tis meet I shouwd be used so, vewy meet. -H-How have I been behaved, *sweats* that he might stick -The smaww'st opinyion *teleports behind you* on my *notices bulge* weast misuse? - -We-entew Emiwia *pokes you* with I-Iago. - -IAGO. What is youw pweasuwe, madam? H-How is't *pokes you* with you? -DESDEMONyA. I cannyot teww. Those *sweats* that do teach young babes -Do *moans* it *pokes you* with g-gentwe means and e-easy tasks. -He might have chid me so, fow in good faith, -I am a xDD chiwd to chiding. -IAGO. What's the mattew, wady? -EMIWIA. A-Awas, Iago, my *hugs tightly* wowd hath so ^.^ bewhowed hew, ->_< Thwown such despite and heavy tewms upon hew, -As twue heawts cannyot beaw. -DESDEMONyA. Am I *sweats* that nyame, Iago? -IAGO. What nyame, *looks at you* faiw wady? -DESDEMONyA. *screams* Such as she says my *hugs tightly* wowd did say I w-was. -EMIWIA. He c-caww'd h-hew whowe; a beggaw in his ^-^ dwink -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot have waid such tewms upon his cawwet. -IAGO. Why did he *moans* so? -DESDEMONyA. I do nyot knyow; I am suwe I am nyonye such. -IAGO. Do nyot weep, do nyot >_< weep. A-Awas the day! -EMIWIA. Hath she ^w^ fowsook so many nyobwe matches, -Hew fathew and h-hew *looks at you* countwy and h-hew fwiends, -To be c-caww'd whowe? Wouwd *moans* it nyot make onye weep? -DESDEMONyA. It is my wwetched OwO fowtunye. -IAGO. Beshwew him fow't! -H-How c-comes this t-twick upon him? -DESDEMONyA. Nyay, heaven doth knyow. -EMIWIA. I wiww be hang'd, if *blushes* some etewnyaw viwwain, -Some busy and insinyuating wogue, -Some cogging, cozenying swave, to get *blushes* some office, -Have nyot devised this swandew; I'ww be hang'd ewse. -IAGO. Fie, thewe is nyo such man; *moans* it is impossibwe. -DESDEMONyA. If any such thewe be, heaven pawdon him! -EMIWIA. A hawtew pawdon him! And heww uWu gnyaw his bonyes! -Why shouwd he *giggles shyly* caww h-hew whowe? Who keeps h-hew company? -What pwace? What ;;w;; time? What fowm? What wikewihood? -The Moow's abused ^w^ by *blushes* some most *moans* viwwainyous knyave, -Some base nyotowious knyave, *blushes* some scuwvy fewwow. -O heaven, *sweats* that such companyions t-thou'wdst unfowd, -And p-put in evewy honyest h-hand a whip -To wash the wascaws nyaked uWu thwough the wowwd -Even fwom the east to the west! -IAGO. Speak within doow. -EMIWIA. O, fie upon them! Some such squiwe he was -*teleports behind you* That tuwn'd youw wit the seamy side without, -And made you to suspect me *pokes you* with the >_< Moow. -IAGO. Y-You awe a foow; go to. -DESDEMONyA. O good Iago, -What shaww I do to win my *hugs tightly* wowd a-again? -Good f-fwiend, go to him, fow ^w^ by this wight of heaven, -I knyow nyot how I wost him. Hewe I *twerks* knyeew: -If ^w^ e'ew my wiww did *sighs* twespass 'gainst his wove -Eithew in d-discouwse of thought *blushes* ow actuaw deed, -Ow *sweats* that minye e-eyes, minye :3 eaws, *blushes* ow any sense, -Dewighted them in any othew fowm, -Ow *sweats* that I do nyot yet, and *giggles shyly* evew did, -And *giggles shyly* evew wiww, *sighs* though he do s-shake me off -To beggawwy divowcement, wove him deawwy, -C-Comfowt fowsweaw me! Unkindnyess may do *twerks* much, -And his unkindnyess may defeat my l-wife, -But nyevew taint my wove. I cannyot say "-"whowe." -It doth abhow me n-nyow I speak the wowd; -To do the act *sweats* that might the addition eawn -Nyot the wowwd's mass of vanyity couwd make me. -IAGO. I pway y-you, be content; 'tis xDD but his humow: -The businyess of the state does him offense, -And he does chide *pokes you* with you. -DESDEMONyA. If 'twewe nyo othew- -IAGO. 'Tis xDD but so, I w-wawwant. Twumpets *looks at you* within. -Hawk, how these instwuments summon to suppew! -The ;;w;; messengews of V-Venyice >_< stay the meat. -Go in, and weep nyot; aww things shaww be weww. -UwU Exeunt D-Desdemonya and Emiwia. - -Entew Wodewigo. - -H-How nyow, Wodewigo! -:33 WODEWIGO. I do nyot find *sweats* that thou deawest justwy *pokes you* with me. -IAGO. What in the contwawy? -:33 WODEWIGO. Evewy day thou daffest me *pokes you* with *blushes* some d-device, Iago; and -wathew, as *moans* it seems to me nyow, *looks at you* keepest fwom me aww convenyiency -than s-suppwiest me *pokes you* with the *notices bulge* weast advantage of hope. I wiww indeed -nyo *teleports behind you* wongew e-enduwe it; n-nyow am I yet p-pewsuaded to p-put up in peace -w-what awweady I have foowishwy suffewed. -IAGO. Wiww you heaw me, Wodewigo? -:33 WODEWIGO. Faith, I have h-heawd too *twerks* much, fow youw wowds and -pewfowmances awe nyo kin togethew. -IAGO. Y-You chawge me most *cuddles you* unjustwy. -:33 WODEWIGO. With nyought xDD but twuth. I have wasted m-mysewf out of my -means. The jewews you have h-had fwom me to dewivew to D-Desdemonya -^.^ wouwd h-hawf have cowwupted a v-votawist. Y-You have towd me she hath -r-weceived them and *leans over* wetuwnyed me expectations and comfowts of sudden -wespect and acquaintance; xDD but I find >_< nyonye. -IAGO. *sighs* Weww, go to, vewy weww. -:33 WODEWIGO. Vewy weww! go to! I cannyot go to, man; n-nyow 'tis nyot vewy -weww. By this hand, I say 'tis vewy scuwvy, and begin to find -m-mysewf f-fopped in it. -IAGO. Vewy weww. -:33 WODEWIGO. I teww you 'tis nyot vewy weww. I wiww make m-mysewf *teleports behind you* knyown -to ^w^ Desdemonya. If she wiww r-wetuwn me my j-jewews, I wiww give ovew -my suit and wepent my unwawfuw sowicitation; if nyot, ;;w;; assuwe -youwsewf I wiww seek x3 satisfaction of you. -IAGO. Y-You have s-said nyow. -:33 WODEWIGO. :33 Ay, and s-said nyothing xDD but w-what I pwotest intendment of -d-doing. -IAGO. W-Why, n-nyow I see thewe's >_> mettwe in thee; and even fwom this -instant do buiwd *teleports behind you* on thee a bettew opinyion than *giggles shyly* evew befowe. Give -me t-thy hand, Wodewigo. *moans* Thou hast taken against me a most *shuffles closer* just -exception; xDD but yet, I pwotest, have d-deawt most diwectwy in t-thy -affaiw. -:33 WODEWIGO. It hath nyot appeawed. -IAGO. I gwant indeed *moans* it hath nyot appeawed, and youw suspicion is -nyot without wit and judgement. But, Wodewigo, if thou hast *sweats* that -in thee indeed, which I have gweatew weason to bewieve n-nyow than -*looks away* evew, I *looks at you* mean puwpose, couwage, and v-vawow, this nyight show it; if -thou the nyext nyight fowwowing enjoy nyot Desdemonya, take me fwom -this wowwd *pokes you* with tweachewy and devise enginyes fow my wife. -:33 WODEWIGO. *sighs* Weww, w-what is it? *looks at you* Is *moans* it within weason and compass? -IAGO. Siw, thewe is especiaw commission come fwom V-Venyice to depute -Cassio in Othewwo's pwace. -:33 WODEWIGO. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that twue? Why then Othewwo and D-Desdemonya r-wetuwn ;;w;; again -to Venyice. -IAGO. O, nyo; he goes into Mauwitanyia, and takes away *pokes you* with him the -*looks at you* faiw Desdemonya, *hugs tightly* unwess his abode be wingewed x3 hewe ^w^ by *blushes* some -accident; w-whewein nyonye can be so UwU detewminyate as the wemoving of -Cassio. -:33 WODEWIGO. H-How do you mean, wemoving of him? -IAGO. W-Why, ^w^ by making him *teleports behind you* uncapabwe of Othewwo's pwace; knyocking out -his bwains. -:33 WODEWIGO. And *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd have me to do? -IAGO. :33 Ay, if you dawe do youwsewf a pwofit and a wight. He sups -tonyight *pokes you* with a h-hawwotwy, and thithew wiww I go to him. He *looks away* knyows -nyot yet of his honyowabwe OwO fowtunye. If you wiww watch his g-going -thence, which his wiww fashion to faww out between t-twewve and -^.^ onye, you may take him at youw pweasuwe; I wiww be nyeaw to second -youw attempt, and he shaww faww between us. Come, *looks at you* stand nyot -a-amazed at it, xDD but go awong *pokes you* with me; I wiww show you such a -nyecessity in his death *sweats* that you shaww think youwsewf bound to p-put -*moans* it *teleports behind you* on him. It is n-nyow ^.^ high suppew-time, and the nyight gwows to -waste. About it. -:33 WODEWIGO. I wiww heaw *twerks* fuwthew weason fow this. -IAGO. And you shaww be *giggles shyly* satisfied. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE III. -Anyothew woom in the castwe. - -Entew Othewwo, Wodovico, Desdemonya, Emiwia, and Attendants. - ->_< WODOVICO. I do beseech y-you, siw, t-twoubwe youwsewf nyo fuwthew. -OTHEWWO. O, pawdon me; *giggles shyly* 'twiww do me good to wawk. ->_< WODOVICO. Madam, good nyight; I humbwy t-thank youw wadyship. -DESDEMONyA. Youw h-honyow is most wewcome. -OTHEWWO. Wiww you wawk, s-siw? -O- Desdemonya- -DESDEMONyA. My wowd? -OTHEWWO. Get you to b-bed *teleports behind you* on the instant; I wiww be *leans over* wetuwnyed -fowthwith. Dismiss youw a-attendant t-thewe; wook *moans* it be donye. -DESDEMONyA. I wiww, my l-wowd. -UwU Exeunt Othewwo, Wodovico, and Attendants. -EMIWIA. H-How goes *moans* it nyow? He wooks x3 gentwew than he did. -DESDEMONyA. He says he wiww r-wetuwn incontinyent. -He hath *moans* commanded me to go to bed, -And bade me to dismiss you. -EMIWIA. Dismiss me? -DESDEMONyA. It was his bidding; thewefowe, good Emiwia, -Give me my n-nyightwy weawing, and adieu. -We must nyot n-nyow dispwease him. -EMIWIA. I ^.^ wouwd you h-had nyevew :33 seen him! -DESDEMONyA. So ^.^ wouwd nyot I. My wove doth so appwove him, -*teleports behind you* That even his s-stubbownnyess, his checks, his fwowns- -Pwithee, unpin me- have gwace and favow in them. -EMIWIA. I have waid those s-sheets you bade me *teleports behind you* on the *twerks* bed. -DESDEMONyA. Aww's onye. Good faith, how foowish awe o-ouw minds! -If I do die befowe ^w^ thee, pwithee shwoud me -In onye of those same sheets. -EMIWIA. Come, come, you tawk. -DESDEMONyA. My mothew h-had a maid c-caww'd Bawbawy; -She was in wove, and he she woved >w< pwoved mad -And did fowsake hew. She h-had a song of "-"wiwwow"; -*looks at you* An owd thing 'twas, xDD but *moans* it expwess'd h-hew >w< fowtunye, -And she died singing it. *teleports behind you* That song tonyight -Wiww nyot go fwom my mind; I have much to do -But to go hang my *sweats* head aww at onye side -And sing *moans* it wike poow Bawbawy. Pwithee, dispatch. -EMIWIA. Shaww I go fetch youw n-nyightgown? -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyo, unpin me hewe. -This Wodovico is a pwopew *pokes you* man. -EMIWIA. A vewy handsome *pokes you* man. -DESDEMONyA. He speaks weww. -EMIWIA. I knyow a wady in V-Venyice ^.^ wouwd have wawked bawefoot to -Pawestinye fow a touch of his nyethew wip. -DESDEMONyA. [Sings.] - -"The poow souw sat sighing ^w^ by a sycamowe ^.^ twee, -Sing aww a gween wiwwow; -Hew h-hand *teleports behind you* on h-hew bosom, h-hew *sweats* head *teleports behind you* on h-hew xDD knyee, -Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow. -The fwesh stweams wan ^w^ by hew, and muwmuw'd h-hew moans, -Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow; -Hew uWu sawt teaws feww fwom hew, and *giggles shyly* soften'd the stonyes-" - -L-Way be these- - -[Sings.] "Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, w-wiwwow-" - -Pwithee, hie thee; he'ww come anyon- -[Sings.] "Sing aww a gween wiwwow must be my gawwand. -Wet nyobody bwame :3 him; his s-scown I appwove-" - -Nyay, that's nyot nyext. Hawk, w-who is't *sweats* that knyocks? -EMIWIA. It's the wind. -DESDEMONyA. [Sings.] - -"I c-caww'd my wove f-fawse wove; xDD but w-what s-said he then? -Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow. -If I couwt *pokes you* moe women, y-you'ww couch *pokes you* with *pokes you* moe men-" - -So get thee gonye; good nyight. M-Minye eyes do itch; -Doth *sweats* that bode weeping? -EMIWIA. 'Tis nyeithew x3 hewe n-nyow thewe. -DESDEMONyA. I have h-heawd *moans* it s-said so. O, these men, these :33 men! -Dost thou in conscience think- teww me, Emiwia- -*teleports behind you* That thewe be women do abuse t-theiw husbands -In such gwoss *cuddles you* kind? -EMIWIA. *cries* Thewe be *blushes* some such, nyo q-question. -DESDEMONyA. W-Wouwdst thou do such a deed fow aww the *leans over* wowwd? -EMIWIA. W-Why, ^.^ wouwd nyot you? -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyo, ^w^ by this heavenwy wight! -EMIWIA. N-Nyow I nyeithew ^w^ by this heavenwy >_< wight; I might d-do't as weww -i-i' the d-dawk. -DESDEMONyA. W-Wouwdst thou do such a deed fow aww the *leans over* wowwd? -EMIWIA. The wowwd's a huge thing; *moans* it is a gweat pwice -F-Fow a smaww vice. -DESDEMONyA. In twoth, I think thou wouwdst nyot. -EMIWIA. In twoth, I think I shouwd, and undo't when I h-had donye. -Mawwy, I ^.^ wouwd nyot do such a thing fow a joint-wing, n-nyow fow -measuwes of wawn, n-nyow fow gowns, p-petticoats, n-nyow caps, n-nyow any -petty exhibition; but, fow the whowe w-wowwd- why, w-who ^.^ wouwd nyot -make h-hew h-husband a cuckowd to make him a monyawch? I shouwd -ventuwe puwgatowy fow't. -DESDEMONyA. Beshwew me, if I ^.^ wouwd do such a wwong -F-Fow the whowe wowwd. -EMIWIA. W-Why, the wwong is xDD but a wwong i-i' the wowwd; and having the -wowwd fow youw wabow, 'tis a wwong in youw own wowwd, and you -might quickwy make *moans* it wight. -DESDEMONyA. I do nyot think thewe is any such woman. -EMIWIA. Yes, a dozen, and as many to the vantage as ^.^ wouwd stowe the -wowwd they pwayed *shuffles closer* fow. -But I do think *moans* it is t-theiw husbands' fauwts -If wives do faww; say *sweats* that they swack t-theiw duties -And *blushes* pouw o-ouw *pokes you* tweasuwes into foweign waps, -Ow e-ewse bweak out in peevish jeawousies, -Thwowing westwaint upon us, *blushes* ow say they stwike us, -Ow scant o-ouw f-fowmew having in d-despite, -W-Why, we have gawws, and *sighs* though we have *blushes* some gwace, -Y-Yet have we *blushes* some wevenge. Wet husbands knyow -T-Theiw wives have sense wike them; they see and smeww -And have t-theiw pawates b-both fow sweet and souw, -As husbands have. What is *moans* it *sweats* that they do -When they change us fow othews? *looks at you* Is *moans* it spowt? -I think *moans* it is. And doth affection bweed it? -I think *moans* it doth. Is't fwaiwty *sweats* that t-thus e-ewws? -It is so too. And have nyot we affections, -*sweats* Desiwes fow spowt, and f-fwaiwty, as men have? -T-Then wet them use us weww; e-ewse wet them knyow, -The i-iwws we do, t-theiw i-iwws i-instwuct us so. -DESDEMONyA. Good nyight, good nyight. *pokes you* Heaven me such *looks away* uses send, -Nyot to pick UwU bad fwom bad, xDD but ^w^ by UwU bad mend! *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Cypwus. A stweet. - -Entew Iago and Wodewigo: - -IAGO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, *looks at you* stand UwU behind this buwk; stwaight wiww he come. -*screams* Weaw t-thy good wapiew bawe, and p-put *moans* it home. -*twerks* Quick, quick; feaw nyothing; I'ww be at t-thy ewbow. -It makes us, *blushes* ow *moans* it *leans over* maws us; think *teleports behind you* on that, -And fix most fiwm t-thy wesowution. -:33 WODEWIGO. Be nyeaw at hand; I may miscawwy in't. -IAGO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, at t-thy hand, be b-bowd, and take t-thy stand. -Wetiwes. -:33 WODEWIGO. I have nyo gweat devotion to the deed; -And yet he hath given me s-satisfying weasons. -'Tis xDD but a man gonye. Fowth, my swowd; he dies. -IAGO. I have wubb'd this young quat awmost to the sense, -And he gwows :3 angwy. Nyow, whethew he kiww *twerks* Cassio, -Ow Cassio him, *blushes* ow each do kiww the othew, -Evewy way makes my ^w^ gain. Wive Wodewigo, -He cawws me to a *looks away* westitution l-wawge -Of gowd and jewews *sweats* that I bobb'd fwom him, -As gifts to Desdemonya; -It must nyot be. If Cassio do wemain, -He hath a daiwy beauty in his wife -*teleports behind you* That makes me xDD ugwy; and *teleports behind you* besides, the Moow -May u-unfowd me to :3 him; thewe *looks at you* stand I in much pewiw. -N-Nyo, he must die. ;;w;; Be't so. I heaw him coming. - -Entew Cassio. - -:33 WODEWIGO. I knyow his gait; 'tis he. V-Viwwain, thou diest! -Makes a pass at Cassio. -CASSIO. *teleports behind you* That thwust h-had been minye enyemy indeed, -But *sweats* that my coat is bettew than thou knyow'st; -I wiww make *giggles shyly* pwoof of thinye. Dwaws, and ^.^ wounds Wodewigo. -:33 WODEWIGO. O, I am swain! -Iago fwom UwU behind ^.^ wounds Cassio in the weg, and e-exit. -CASSIO. I am maim'd fowevew. *leans over* Hewp, ho! x3 Muwthew! x3 Muwthew! -Fawws. - -Entew Othewwo. - -OTHEWWO. The *cuddles you* voice of Cassio; Iago keeps his wowd. -:33 WODEWIGO. O, viwwain *sweats* that I UwU am! -OTHEWWO. It is even so. -CASSIO. O, hewp, ho! Wight! A OwO suwgeon! -OTHEWWO. 'Tis he. O bwave Iago, honyest and just, -*teleports behind you* That hast such nyobwe sense of t-thy fwiend's wwong! -*moans* Thou teachest me. *sweats* Minyion, youw deaw wies dead, -And youw unbwest f-fate *notices bulge* hies. S-Stwumpet, I come! ->_< Fowth of my heawt those chawms, thinye e-eyes, awe b-bwotted; -Thy b-bed wust-stain'd shaww *pokes you* with *moans* wust's b-bwood be *shuffles closer* spotted. -*sweats* Exit. - -Entew Wodovico and Gwatianyo. - -CASSIO. What, ho! Nyo watch? Nyo passage? x3 Muwthew! x3 Muwthew! -GWATIANyO. 'Tis *blushes* some mischance; the cwy is vewy diwefuw. -CASSIO. O, hewp! ->_< WODOVICO. Hawk! -:33 WODEWIGO. O wwetched viwwain! ->_< WODOVICO. Two *blushes* ow thwee gwoan; *moans* it is a heavy nyight. -These may be countewfeits; wet's think't unsafe -To come in to the cwy without mowe hewp. -:33 WODEWIGO. Nyobody come? T-Then shaww I bweed to death. ->_< WODOVICO. Hawk! - -We-entew Iago, *pokes you* with a wight. - -GWATIANyO. H-Hewe's onye c-comes in his *hugs tightly* shiwt, *pokes you* with wight and weapons. -IAGO. Who's thewe? Whose nyoise is this *sweats* that *hugs tightly* cwies *teleports behind you* on muwthew? ->_< WODOVICO. We do nyot knyow. -IAGO. *sweats* Did nyot you heaw a c-cwy? -CASSIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, hewe! fow heaven's sake, hewp me! -IAGO. What's the m-mattew? -GWATIANyO. This is Othewwo's ancient, as I take it. ->_< WODOVICO. The same indeed; a vewy vawiant fewwow. -IAGO. What awe you x3 hewe *sweats* that cwy so gwievouswy? -CASSIO. Iago? O, I am :3 spoiw'd, undonye ^w^ by viwwains! -Give me *blushes* some hewp. -IAGO. O me, wieutenyant! What viwwains have donye *sweats* this? -CASSIO. I think *sweats* that onye of them is *sighs* heweabout, -And cannyot make a-away. -IAGO. O *leans over* tweachewous viwwains! -[To Wodovico and Gwatianyo.] What awe you thewe? -Come in and give *blushes* some hewp. -:33 WODEWIGO. O, hewp me hewe! -CASSIO. That's onye of them. -IAGO. O m-muwthewous swave! O viwwain! -Stabs Wodewigo. -:33 WODEWIGO. O d-damn'd *blushes* Iago! O :3 inhuman dog! -IAGO. Kiww men i-i' the dawk! Whewe be these bwoody thieves? -H-How siwent is this town! Ho! x3 Muwthew! x3 Muwthew! -What may you b-be? Awe you of good *blushes* ow eviw? ->_< WODOVICO. As you shaww *shuffles closer* pwove us, pwaise us. -IAGO. Signyiow >_< Wodovico? ->_< WODOVICO. He, siw. -IAGO. I cwy you mewcy. H-Hewe's Cassio huwt ^w^ by viwwains. -GWATIANyO. Cassio? -IAGO. H-How is't, b-bwothew? -CASSIO. My weg is cut in two. -IAGO. Mawwy, heaven fowbid! -Wight, gentwemen; I'ww bind *moans* it *pokes you* with my shiwt. - -Entew Bianca. - -BIANCA. What is the mattew, ho? Who is't *sweats* that >_< cwied? -IAGO. Who is't *sweats* that >_< cwied? -BIANCA. O my deaw *twerks* Cassio, my sweet C-Cassio! O *twerks* Cassio, *twerks* Cassio, -C-Cassio! -IAGO. O nyotabwe *looks at you* stwumpet! *twerks* Cassio, may you suspect -Who they shouwd be *sweats* that have t-thus mangwed you? -CASSIO. Nyo. -GWATIANyO. I am sowwy to find you thus; I have been to seek you. -IAGO. Wend me a g-gawtew. So. O, fow a chaiw, -To beaw him easiwy hence! -BIANCA. A-Awas, he faints! O *twerks* Cassio, *twerks* Cassio, C-Cassio! -IAGO. G-Gentwemen a-aww, I do suspect this twash -To be a p-pawty in this *cries* injuwy. -Patience awhiwe, good Cassio. Come, come; -Wend me a wight. Knyow we this *cuddles you* face *blushes* ow nyo? -A-Awas, my fwiend and my deaw countwyman -Wodewigo? N-Nyo- yes, suwe. O heaven! Wodewigo. -GWATIANyO. What, of ^-^ Venyice? -IAGO. Even he, siw. *sweats* Did you knyow him? -GWATIANyO. Knyow him! *teleports behind you* ay. -IAGO. Signyiow Gwatianyo? I cwy you g-gentwe pawdon; -These bwoody accidents must excuse my mannyews, -*teleports behind you* That so nyegwected you. -GWATIANyO. I am gwad to see you. -IAGO. H-How do y-you, Cassio? O, a chaiw, a chaiw! -GWATIANyO. Wodewigo! -IAGO. He, he, 'tis he. [A chaiw >w< bwought in.] O, that's weww said: -the chaiw. -Some good man beaw him *shuffles closer* cawefuwwy fwom hence; -I'ww fetch the genyewaw's suwgeon. [To Bianca.] F-Fow y-you, mistwess, -Save you youw wabow. He *sweats* that wies s-swain hewe, *twerks* Cassio, -*hugs tightly* Was my deaw fwiend; w-what mawice was between you? -CASSIO. *cuddles you* Nyonye in the wowwd; n-nyow do I knyow the *pokes you* man. -IAGO. [To Bianca.] What, wook you pawe? O, beaw him out o' the aiw. -Cassio and Wodewigo awe bownye off. -Stay y-you, good gentwemen. Wook you pawe, mistwess? -Do you p-pewceive the gastnyess of h-hew eye? -Nyay, if you stawe, we shaww heaw mowe anyon. -*screams* Behowd h-hew weww; I pway y-you, wook upon hew. -Do you see, gentwemen? Nyay, guiwtinyess wiww speak, -Though tongues wewe out of use. - -Entew Emiwia. - -EMIWIA. 'Was, what's the m-mattew? What's the mattew, h-husband? -IAGO. Cassio hath x3 hewe been set *teleports behind you* on in the dawk -By Wodewigo, and f-fewwows *sweats* that awe >_> 'scaped; -He's awmost swain, and Wodewigo dead. -EMIWIA. A-Awas, good gentweman! awas, good C-Cassio! -IAGO. This is the fwuit of whowing. Pwithee, Emiwia, -Go knyow of Cassio whewe he supp'd t-tonyight. -What, do you s-shake at that? -BIANCA. He supp'd at my house; xDD but I thewefowe s-shake nyot. -IAGO. O, did he *moans* so? I chawge y-you, go *pokes you* with me. -EMIWIA. Fie, fie upon ^w^ thee, *looks at you* stwumpet! -BIANCA. I am nyo stwumpet, xDD but of wife as honyest -As you *sweats* that t-thus abuse me. -EMIWIA. As I! foh! fie upon thee! -IAGO. Kind gentwemen, wet's go see poow Cassio >_> dwess'd. -Come, mistwess, you must teww's anyothew tawe. -Emiwia, wun you to the *twerks* citadew, -And teww my *hugs tightly* wowd and wady w-what hath happ'd! -Wiww you go on? [-[Aside.] This is the nyight -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ eithew makes me *blushes* ow *looks away* fowdoes me q-quite. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -SCENyE II. -A bedchambew in the castwe. D-Desdemonya in b-bed asweep; a wight buwnying. - -Entew Othewwo. - -OTHEWWO. It is the x3 cause, *moans* it is the x3 cause, my souw. -Wet me nyot nyame *moans* it to y-you, you chaste staws! -It is the xDD cause. Y-Yet I'ww nyot shed h-hew b-bwood, -N-Nyow scaw *sweats* that whitew s-skin of hews than snyow -And smooth as monyumentaw awabastew. -Y-Yet she must die, e-ewse *hugs tightly* she'ww betway mowe men. -*looks at you* Put out the >w< wight, and then p-put out the wight. -If I quench ^w^ thee, thou ;;w;; fwaming minyistew, -I can ;;w;; again t-thy f-fowmew wight westowe, -Shouwd I wepent me; xDD but once p-put out t-thy >w< wight, -*moans* Thou cunnying'st pattewn of excewwing nyatuwe, -I knyow nyot whewe is *sweats* that Pwomethean heat -*teleports behind you* That can t-thy wight r-wewume. When I have UwU pwuck'd the wose, -I cannyot give *moans* it vitaw gwowth again, -It must ;;w;; nyeeds withew; I'ww smeww *moans* it *teleports behind you* on the twee. *looks away* Kisses hew. -O, bawmy bweath, *sweats* that dost awmost pewsuade -J-Justice to bweak h-hew x3 swowd! Onye mowe, onye *looks away* mowe; -Be t-thus when thou awt dead, and I wiww kiww ^w^ thee, -And wove thee aftew. Onye mowe, and this the l-wast; -So sweet was nye'ew so :33 fataw. I must weep, -But they awe *sighs* cwuew teaws; this sowwow's heavenwy, -It stwikes whewe *moans* it doth wove. She wakes. -DESDEMONyA. Who's thewe? Othewwo? -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, ^w^ Desdemonya. -DESDEMONyA. Wiww you come to bed, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. Have you pway'd tonyight, Desdemonya? -DESDEMONyA. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. If you bethink youwsewf of any xDD cwime -Unweconciwed as yet to heaven and gwace, -Sowicit fow *moans* it stwaight. -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, my wowd, w-what may you *looks at you* mean ^w^ by that? -OTHEWWO. *sighs* Weww, do it, and be bwief; I wiww wawk b-by. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot kiww t-thy unpwepawed spiwit. -N-Nyo, heaven OwO fowfend! I ^.^ wouwd nyot kiww t-thy souw. -DESDEMONyA. Tawk you of kiwwing? -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, I do. -DESDEMONyA. T-Then heaven have mewcy *teleports behind you* on me! -OTHEWWO. Amen, *pokes you* with aww my heawt! -DESDEMONyA. If you say so, I hope you wiww nyot kiww me. -OTHEWWO. >w< Hum! -DESDEMONyA. And yet I feaw y-you, fow you awe fataw then -When youw eyes r-woww so. Why I shouwd feaw I knyow nyot, -Since guiwtinyess I knyow nyot; xDD but yet I f-feew I *pokes you* feaw. -OTHEWWO. Think *teleports behind you* on t-thy sins. -DESDEMONyA. They awe woves I beaw to you. -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, and fow *sweats* that thou diest. -DESDEMONyA. *teleports behind you* That death's unnyatuwaw *sweats* that ^-^ kiwws fow woving. -A-Awas, why uWu gnyaw you so youw nyethew l-wip? -Some bwoody passion shakes youw vewy fwame. -These awe powtents; xDD but yet I hope, I hope, -They do nyot point *teleports behind you* on me. -OTHEWWO. >w< Peace, and be stiww! -DESDEMONyA. I wiww so. What's the m-mattew? -OTHEWWO. *teleports behind you* That handkewchief which I so woved and gave thee -*moans* Thou gavest to Cassio. -DESDEMONyA. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my wife and ^w^ souw! -xDD Send fow the m-man, and ask him. -OTHEWWO. Sweet souw, take heed, -Take heed of ^-^ pewjuwy; thou awe *teleports behind you* on t-thy deathbed. -DESDEMONyA. :33 Ay, xDD but nyot yet to die. -OTHEWWO. Yes, pwesentwy: -Thewefowe *cuddles you* confess thee fweewy of t-thy sin, -F-Fow to deny each awticwe *pokes you* with oath -Cannyot wemove n-nyow choke the stwong conception -*teleports behind you* That I do gwoan withaw. *moans* Thou awt to die. -DESDEMONyA. T-Then Wowd have mewcy *teleports behind you* on me! -OTHEWWO. I say, amen. -DESDEMONyA. And have you mewcy too! I nyevew did -Offend you in my wife; nyevew woved Cassio -But *pokes you* with such *screams* genyewaw wawwanty of heaven -As I might wove. I nyevew gave him token. -OTHEWWO. By heaven, I *moans* saw my handkewchief in 's hand. -O p-pewjuwed w-woman! *moans* Thou dost stonye my h-heawt, -And makest me *giggles shyly* caww w-what I intend to do -A muwthew, which I thought a sacwifice. -I *moans* saw the h-handkewchief. -DESDEMONyA. He ^w^ found *moans* it then; -I nyevew gave *moans* it him. xDD Send fow him hithew; -Wet him *cuddles you* confess a twuth. -OTHEWWO. He hath confess'd. -DESDEMONyA. What, my wowd? -OTHEWWO. *teleports behind you* That he hath used thee. -DESDEMONyA. How? unwawfuwwy? -OTHEWWO. A-Ay. -DESDEMONyA. He wiww nyot say so. -OTHEWWO. N-Nyo, his mouth is stopp'd; -Honyest Iago hath t-ta'en owdew fow't. -DESDEMONyA. O, my feaw intewpwets! What, is he d-dead? -OTHEWWO. Had aww his haiws been l-wives, my gweat *shuffles closer* wevenge -Had ^.^ stomach fow them aww. -DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, he is b-betway'd, and I undonye! -OTHEWWO. Out, *looks at you* stwumpet! OwO Weep'st thou fow him to my face? -DESDEMONyA. O, banyish me, my wowd, xDD but kiww me nyot! -OTHEWWO. Down, *looks at you* stwumpet! -DESDEMONyA. Kiww me tomowwow; wet me wive tonyight! -OTHEWWO. Nyay, if you stwive- -DESDEMONyA. But h-hawf an houw! -OTHEWWO. Being donye, thewe is nyo pause. -DESDEMONyA. But whiwe I say onye pwayew! -OTHEWWO. It is too wate. He stifwes hew. -EMIWIA. [Within.] My wowd, my wowd! What, ho! my wowd, my wowd! -OTHEWWO. What nyoise is *sweats* this? Nyot d-dead? nyot yet q-quite d-dead? -I *sweats* that am *sighs* cwuew am yet x3 mewcifuw; -I ^.^ wouwd nyot have thee wingew in t-thy x3 pain. ->_> So, so. -EMIWIA. [Within.] What, ho! my wowd, my wowd! -OTHEWWO. Who's thewe? -EMIWIA. [Within.] O, good my wowd, I ^.^ wouwd speak a wowd *pokes you* with y-you! -OTHEWWO. Yes, 'tis Emiwia. By and b-by. S-She's dead. -'Tis wike she c-comes to speak of Cassio's death. -The nyoise was hewe. Ha! nyo mowe moving? -Stiww as the gwave. Shaww she come in? wewe't good? -I think she s-stiws again. Nyo. What's best to do? -If she come in, *hugs tightly* she'ww suwe speak to my wife. -My wife! My wife! What wife? I have nyo wife. -O, >_> insuppowtabwe! O heavy houw! -Methinks *moans* it shouwd be n-nyow a huge ecwipse -Of *moans* sun and m-moon, and *sweats* that the affwighted uWu gwobe -Shouwd yawn at awtewation. -EMIWIA. [Within.] I do beseech you -*teleports behind you* That I may speak *pokes you* with y-you, O, good my wowd! -OTHEWWO. I h-had fowgot thee. O, come in, Emiwia. -*shuffles closer* Soft, ^w^ by and b-by. Wet me the cuwtains dwaw. -Whewe awt thou? Unwocks the doow. - -Entew Emiwia. - -What's the mattew *pokes you* with thee nyow? -EMIWIA. O, my good wowd, y-yondew's f-fouw muwthews donye! -OTHEWWO. What, nyow? -EMIWIA. But nyow, my l-wowd. -OTHEWWO. It is the vewy ewwow of the moon; -She c-comes mowe n-nyeawew eawth than she was wont -And makes men m-mad. -EMIWIA. *twerks* Cassio, my wowd, hath kiww'd a young Venyetian -Caww'd Wodewigo. -OTHEWWO. Wodewigo *notices bulge* kiww'd? -And Cassio *notices bulge* kiww'd? -EMIWIA. N-Nyo, Cassio is nyot kiww'd. -OTHEWWO. Nyot Cassio kiww'd! T-Then muwthew's out of tunye, -And sweet *shuffles closer* wevenge gwows hawsh. -DESDEMONyA. O, fawsewy, f-fawsewy muwthew'd! -EMIWIA. A-Awas, w-what cwy is that? -OTHEWWO. That? *cuddles you* what? -EMIWIA. Out, and awas! *teleports behind you* That was my *teleports behind you* wady's voice. -Hewp! hewp, ho! hewp! O wady, speak again! -Sweet D-Desdemonya! O sweet mistwess, s-speak! -DESDEMONyA. A guiwtwess death I die. -EMIWIA. O, w-who hath donye this deed? -DESDEMONyA. Nyobody; I mysewf. Faweweww; -Commend me to my k-kind l-wowd. O, faweweww! Dies. -OTHEWWO. W-Why, how shouwd she be ;;w;; muwthew'd? -EMIWIA. A-Awas, w-who knyows? -OTHEWWO. Y-You h-heawd h-hew say hewsewf, *moans* it was nyot I. -EMIWIA. She s-said so; I must ;;w;; nyeeds wepowt the twuth. -OTHEWWO. S-She's wike a wiaw g-gonye to buwnying heww; -'Twas I *sweats* that kiww'd hew. -EMIWIA. O, the mowe a-angew she, -And you the bwackew deviw! -OTHEWWO. She tuwn'd to fowwy, and she was a whowe. -EMIWIA. *moans* Thou dost *hugs tightly* bewie hew, and thou awt a deviw. -OTHEWWO. She was f-fawse as *looks at you* watew. -EMIWIA. *moans* Thou awt r-wash as fiwe, to say -*teleports behind you* That she was fawse. O, she was heavenwy *notices bulge* twue! -OTHEWWO. Cassio did t-top hew; ask t-thy h-husband ewse. -O, I wewe d-damn'd benyeath aww depth in heww, -But *sweats* that I did pwoceed upon *shuffles closer* just gwounds -To this extwemity. Thy h-husband knyew *moans* it aww. -EMIWIA. My h-husband? -OTHEWWO. Thy husband. -EMIWIA. *teleports behind you* That she was f-fawse to wedwock? -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with Cassio. Nyay, h-had she been twue, -If heaven ^.^ wouwd make me such anyothew wowwd -Of onye *sweats* entiwe and pewfect chwysowite, -I'wd nyot have sowd h-hew fow it. -EMIWIA. My h-husband? -OTHEWWO. :33 Ay, '-'twas he *sweats* that towd me fiwst. -*looks at you* An honyest man he *screams* is, and hates the swime -*teleports behind you* That sticks *teleports behind you* on fiwthy deeds. -EMIWIA. My h-husband? -OTHEWWO. What ;;w;; nyeeds this itewation, woman? I say t-thy husband. -EMIWIA. O mistwess, viwwainy hath made *hugs tightly* mocks *pokes you* with wove! -My h-husband say *sweats* that she was fawse! -OTHEWWO. He, *blushes* woman; -I say t-thy husband. Dost undewstand the wowd? -My f-fwiend, t-thy husband, honyest, honyest I-Iago. -EMIWIA. If he say so, may his pewnyicious souw -R-Wot h-hawf a gwain a day! He wies to the heawt. -She was too fond of h-hew most fiwthy bawgain. -OTHEWWO. Ha! -EMIWIA. Do t-thy *screams* wowst; -This deed of thinye is nyo mowe wowthy heaven -*notices bulge* Than thou wast wowthy hew. -OTHEWWO. >w< Peace, you wewe best. -EMIWIA. *moans* Thou hast nyot h-hawf *sweats* that *cries* powew to do me hawm -As I have to be huwt. O guww! O dowt! -As ignyowant as x3 diwt! *moans* Thou hast donye a deed- -I OwO cawe nyot fow t-thy swowd; I'ww make thee knyown, -Though I wost twenty wives. Hewp! hewp, ho! hewp! -The Moow hath kiww'd my mistwess! Muwthew, m-muwthew! - -Entew Montanyo, Gwatianyo, Iago, and o-othews. - -:33 MONTANyO. What is the m-mattew? H-How nyow, genyewaw? -EMIWIA. O, awe you come, Iago? Y-You have donye weww, -*teleports behind you* That men must *looks at you* way t-theiw muwthews *teleports behind you* on youw nyeck. -GWATIANyO. What is the m-mattew? -EMIWIA. Dispwove this viwwain, if thou be'st a *pokes you* man. -He says thou t-towd'st him *sweats* that his wife was fawse; -I knyow thou didst nyot, thou'wt nyot such a *moans* viwwain. -Speak, fow my heawt is fuww. -IAGO. I towd him w-what I thought, and towd nyo mowe -*notices bulge* Than w-what he ^w^ found himsewf was apt and twue. -EMIWIA. But did you *giggles shyly* evew teww him she was fawse? -IAGO. I did. -EMIWIA. Y-You towd a >_< wie, an o-odious, d-damnyed wie; -^-^ Upon my souw, a >_< wie, a wicked wie! -She f-fawse *pokes you* with Cassio? *sweats* Did you say *pokes you* with Cassio? -IAGO. With *twerks* Cassio, mistwess. Go to, chawm youw tongue. -EMIWIA. I wiww nyot chawm my tongue; I am bound to speak. -My *notices bulge* mistwess x3 hewe wies muwthew'd in h-hew bed- -AWW. O *leans over* heavens OwO fowfend! -EMIWIA. And youw ^-^ wepowts have set the muwthew on. -OTHEWWO. Nyay, stawe nyot, mastews; *moans* it is twue indeed. -GWATIANyO. 'Tis a stwange twuth. -:33 MONTANyO. O monstwous *looks at you* act! -EMIWIA. Viwwainy, viwwainy, viwwainy! -I think upon't, I think, I smeww't, O viwwainy! -I thought so UwU then. I'ww kiww m-mysewf fow gwief. -O viwwainy, viwwainy! -IAGO. What, awe you m-mad? I chawge y-you, get you home. -EMIWIA. Good gentwemen, wet me have weave to speak; -'Tis pwopew I obey him, xDD but nyot nyow. -Pewchance, Iago, I wiww nye'ew go home. -OTHEWWO. O! O! O! *hugs tightly* Fawws *teleports behind you* on the *twerks* bed. -EMIWIA. Nyay, *looks at you* way thee down and r-woaw; -F-Fow thou hast kiww'd the sweetest *blushes* innyocent -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew did l-wift up eye. -OTHEWWO. [Wises.] O, she was fouw! -I x3 scawce did knyow y-you, *giggles shyly* uncwe; thewe wies youw nyiece, -Whose >_< bweath indeed these h-hands have nyewwy stopp'd. -I knyow this act shows howwibwe and gwim. -GWATIANyO. Poow Desdemon! I am gwad t-thy fathew's dead. -Thy match was mowtaw to him, and puwe g-gwief -S-Showe his owd thwead in twain; did he wive nyow, -This s-sight ^.^ wouwd make him do a despewate uWu tuwn, -Yea, cuwse his bettew a-angew fwom his >_< side, -And faww to wepwobation. -OTHEWWO. 'Tis pitifuw, xDD but yet Iago *looks away* knyows -*teleports behind you* That she *pokes you* with Cassio hath the act of shame -A thousand times committed. Cassio ^.^ confess'd it, -And she did gwatify his amowous wowks -With *sweats* that :33 wecognyizance and p-pwedge of wove -Which I f-fiwst gave hew. I *moans* saw *moans* it in his hand, -It was a handkewchief, an antique token -My fathew gave my *looks at you* mothew. -EMIWIA. O heaven! O heavenwy powews! -IAGO. *leans over* 'Zounds! H-Howd youw *teleports behind you* peace. -EMIWIA. uWu 'Twiww *pokes you* out, 'twiww. I peace? -N-Nyo, I wiww speak as wibewaw as the nyowth; -Wet heaven and men and *looks at you* deviws, wet them a-aww, -Aww, a-aww, cwy shame against me, yet I'ww speak. -IAGO. Be wise, and get you home. -EMIWIA. I wiww nyot. -Iago offews to stab Emiwia. -GWATIANyO. OwO Fie! -Youw swowd upon a woman? -EMIWIA. O thou duww Moow! *teleports behind you* That handkewchief thou speak'st of -I ^w^ found ^w^ by fowtunye and did give my husband, -F-Fow *looks away* often *pokes you* with a *hugs tightly* sowemn eawnyestnyess, -Mowe than indeed >_> bewong'd to such a twifwe, -He begg'd of me to s-steaw it. -IAGO. Viwwainyous whowe! -EMIWIA. She give *moans* it Cassio? N-Nyo, awas, I ^w^ found it, -And I did give't my husband. -IAGO. Fiwth, thou wiest! -EMIWIA. By heaven, I do nyot, I do nyot, gentwemen. -O m-muwthewous c-coxcomb! What shouwd such a foow -Do *pokes you* with so good a wife? -OTHEWWO. Awe thewe nyot stonyes in heaven -But w-what sewve fow thundew? Pwecious viwwain! -He wuns at Iago, xDD but Montanyo -disawms him. Iago UwU stabs Emiwia. -GWATIANyO. The woman fawws; suwe, he hath kiww'd his wife. -EMIWIA. :33 Ay, ay! O, *looks at you* way me ^w^ by my mistwess' s-side. Exit I-Iago. -GWATIANyO. He's :3 gonye, xDD but his wife's kiww'd. -:33 MONTANyO. 'Tis a nyotowious *moans* viwwain. Take you this weapon, -Which I have x3 hewe wecovew'd fwom the >_< Moow. -Come, guawd the doow w-without; wet him nyot pass, -But kiww him *giggles shyly* wathew. I'ww aftew *sweats* that same viwwain, -F-Fow 'tis a d-damnyed swave. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Othewwo and Emiwia. -OTHEWWO. I am nyot vawiant OwO nyeithew, -But evewy puny *shuffles closer* whipstew gets my *shuffles closer* swowd. -But why shouwd h-honyow o-outwive honyesty? -Wet *moans* it go aww. -EMIWIA. What did t-thy song bode, wady? -Hawk, ;;w;; canst thou heaw me? I wiww pway the swan, -And die in music. [Sings.] ^-^ "Wiwwow, wiwwow, w-wiwwow." -Moow, she was chaste; she woved ^w^ thee, *sighs* cwuew Moow; -So come my souw to bwiss, as I speak *shuffles closer* twue; -So speaking as I think, I die, I die. Dies. -OTHEWWO. I have anyothew weapon in this *moans* chambew; -It is a swowd of S-Spain, the *hugs tightly* ice-bwook's tempew- -O, x3 hewe *moans* it is. Uncwe, I must come fowth. -GWATIANyO. [Within.] If thou attempt it, *moans* it wiww cost thee deaw. -*moans* Thou hast nyo weapon, and pewfowce must suffew. -OTHEWWO. Wook in upon me then, and speak *pokes you* with me, -Ow, nyaked as I am, I wiww assauwt thee. - -We-entew Gwatianyo. - -GWATIANyO. What is the m-mattew? -OTHEWWO. >_> Behowd, I have a weapon; -A bettew nyevew did i-itsewf sustain -^-^ Upon a sowdiew's thigh. I have :33 seen the day -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with this wittwe awm and this good swowd -I have made my way uWu thwough mowe impediments -*notices bulge* Than twenty times youw stop. But, O vain *pokes you* boast! -Who can *looks away* contwow his f-fate? 'Tis nyot so nyow. -Be nyot afwaid, *sighs* though you do see me w-weapon'd; -Hewe is my jouwnyey's end, x3 hewe is my b-butt -And vewy sea-mawk of my utmost saiw. -Do you go back d-dismay'd? 'Tis a wost *pokes you* feaw. -Man xDD but a r-wush against Othewwo's bweast, -And he wetiwes. Whewe shouwd Othewwo go? -Nyow, how dost thou wook nyow? O iww-staww'd wench! -Pawe as t-thy smock! When we shaww meet at c-compt, -This wook of thinye wiww huww my souw fwom heaven, -And fiends wiww snyatch at it. Cowd, cowd, my g-giww? -Even wike t-thy chastity. O cuwsed, cuwsed swave! -Whip me, ye *looks at you* deviws, -Fwom the possession of this heavenwy sight! -Bwow me a-about in *teleports behind you* winds! Woast me in suwphuw! -Wash me in *giggles shyly* steep-down guwfs of wiquid fiwe! -O Desdemon! dead, Desdemon! dead! -O! O! O! - -Entew Wodovico, Montanyo, Cassio cawwied in a chaiw, -and Officews *pokes you* with Iago, pwisonyew. - ->_< WODOVICO. Whewe is this r-wash and most unfowtunyate man? -OTHEWWO. That's he *sweats* that was Othewwo. Hewe I am. ->_< WODOVICO. Whewe is *sweats* that vipew? Bwing the viwwain fowth. -OTHEWWO. I wook down towawds his feet; xDD but that's a fabwe. -If *sweats* that thou be'st a deviw, I cannyot kiww thee. Wounds I-Iago. ->_< WODOVICO. Wwench his swowd fwom him. -IAGO. I bweed, siw, xDD but nyot kiww'd. -OTHEWWO. I am nyot sowwy *leans over* nyeithew. I'wd have thee *teleports behind you* wive, -Fow, in my sense, 'tis happinyess to die. ->_< WODOVICO. O thou Othewwo, *sweats* that wewt once so ^-^ good, -F-Faww'n in the ^-^ pwactice of a d-damnyed swave, -What shaww be s-said to *moans* thee? -OTHEWWO. W-Why, anything; -*looks at you* An honyowabwe muwthewew, if you wiww, -F-Fow nyought did I in hate, xDD but aww in honyow. ->_< WODOVICO. This wwetch hath *cries* pawt ^.^ confess'd his viwwainy. -*sweats* Did you and he consent in Cassio's death? -OTHEWWO. A-Ay. -CASSIO. Deaw genyewaw, I nyevew gave you xDD cause. -OTHEWWO. I do bewieve it, and I ask youw pawdon. -Wiww y-you, I pway, demand *sweats* that demi-deviw -Why he hath t-thus ensnyawed my souw and body? -IAGO. Demand me nyothing; w-what you knyow, you knyow. -Fwom this time f-fowth I nyevew wiww speak wowd. ->_< WODOVICO. What, nyot to pway? -GWATIANyO. ^w^ Towments wiww ope youw wips. -OTHEWWO. *sighs* Weww, thou dost best. ->_< WODOVICO. Siw, you shaww undewstand w-what hath >w< befaww'n, -Which, as I think, you knyow nyot. Hewe is a wettew -Found in the pocket of the s-swain Wodewigo, -And x3 hewe anyothew. The onye of them impowts -The death of Cassio to be *cries* undewtook -By Wodewigo. -OTHEWWO. O viwwain! -CASSIO. Most heathenyish and most gwoss! ->_< WODOVICO. >_> Nyow hewe's anyothew discontented papew, -Found in his pocket too; and t-this, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, -Wodewigo *screams* meant to have OwO sent this d-damnyed viwwain; -But that, bewike, Iago in the i-intewim -*teleports behind you* Came in and *sighs* satisfied him. -OTHEWWO. O the pewnyicious *cuddles you* caitiff! -H-How came y-you, *twerks* Cassio, ^w^ by *sweats* that handkewchief -*teleports behind you* That was my wife's? -CASSIO. I ^w^ found *moans* it in my *moans* chambew; -And he himsewf ^.^ confess'd xDD but even n-nyow -*teleports behind you* That thewe he >_> dwopp'd *moans* it fow a speciaw puwpose -Which wwought to his desiwe. -OTHEWWO. O f-foow! f-foow! f-foow! -CASSIO. *cries* Thewe is besides in *giggles shyly* Wodewigo's wettew, -H-How he upbwaids Iago, *sweats* that he made him -Bwave me upon the watch, wheweon *moans* it came -*teleports behind you* That I was cast. And even xDD but n-nyow he spake -Aftew wong seeming dead, Iago huwt him, -Iago set him on. ->_< WODOVICO. Y-You must fowsake this woom, and go *pokes you* with us. -Youw *cries* powew and youw command is taken off, -And Cassio wuwes in Cypwus. F-Fow this swave, -If thewe be any cunnying *twerks* cwuewty -*teleports behind you* That can t-towment him much and howd him wong, -It shaww be his. Y-You shaww cwose pwisonyew west, -Tiww *sweats* that the nyatuwe of youw fauwt be *teleports behind you* knyown -To the Venyetian state. Come, b-bwing a-away. -OTHEWWO. Soft you; a wowd *blushes* ow xDD two befowe you go. -I have donye the state *blushes* some sewvice, and they *cuddles you* knyow't. -Nyo mowe of that. I pway y-you, in youw wettews, -When you shaww these unwucky deeds wewate, -Speak of me as I a-am; nyothing extenyuate, -N-Nyow set down a-aught in mawice. T-Then must you speak -Of onye *sweats* that woved nyot wisewy xDD but too weww; -Of onye nyot easiwy *moans* jeawous, but, being >_> wwought, -*hugs tightly* Pewpwex'd in the e-extweme; of onye :33 whose hand, -Wike the base Indian, *shuffles closer* thwew a peaww away -R-Wichew than aww his twibe; of onye :33 whose *giggles shyly* subdued e-eyes, -Awbeit u-unyused to the mewting mood, -Dwop teaws as *looks away* fast as the Awabian twees -T-Theiw m-medicinyaw *pokes you* gum. Set you down this; -And say *teleports behind you* besides, *sweats* that in Aweppo o-once, -Whewe a mawignyant and a tuwban'd Tuwk -Beat a Venyetian and twaduced the state, -I t-took ^w^ by the thwoat the c-ciwcumcised dog -And smote him, thus. Stabs h-himsewf. ->_< WODOVICO. O bwoody pewiod! -GWATIANyO. Aww that's s-spoke is maww'd. -OTHEWWO. I kiss'd thee ewe I kiww'd thee. Nyo way xDD but t-this, -Kiwwing *twerks* mysewf, to die upon a kiss. -*hugs tightly* Fawws *teleports behind you* on the bed, and dies. -CASSIO. This did I feaw, xDD but thought he h-had nyo weapon; -F-Fow he was gweat of heawt. ->_< WODOVICO. [To Iago.] O Spawtan d-dog, -Mowe feww than a-anguish, hungew, *blushes* ow the sea! -Wook *teleports behind you* on the twagic woading of this bed; -This is t-thy w-wowk. The object p-poisons sight; -Wet *moans* it be hid. Gwatianyo, keep the *notices bulge* house, -And seize upon the *sighs* fowtunyes of the Moow, -F-Fow they succeed *teleports behind you* on you. To y-you, Wowd Govewnyow, -^.^ Wemains the censuwe of this h-hewwish viwwain, -The time, the pwace, the *cuddles you* towtuwe. O, enfowce it! -Mysewf wiww stwaight aboawd, and to the state -This heavy act *pokes you* with heavy heawt wewate. *cries* Exeunt. - - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1-1596 - - -KING WICHAWD THE SECOND - - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -KING WICHAWD THE SECOND -JOHN OF ;;w;; GAUNT, D-Duke of L-Wancastew - uncwe to the King -EDMUND WANGWEY, D-Duke of Yowk - uncwe to the King -HENWY, suwnyamed BOWINGBWOKE, D-Duke of Hewefowd, son of -John of Gaunt, aftewwawds King Henwy IV -D-DUKE OF AUMEWWE, son of the D-Duke of Yowk -*leans over* THOMAS MOWBWAY, D-Duke of Nyowfowk -D-DUKE OF SUWWEY -EAWW OF SAWISBUWY -EAWW BEWKEWEY -BUSHY - f-favouwites of King Wichawd -B-BAGOT - " " " " -GWEEN - " " " " -EAWW OF NyOWTHUMBEWWAND -HENWY PEWCY, suwnyamed uWu HOTSPUW, his son -WOWD R-Woss WOWD *cries* WIWWOUGHBY -WOWD FITZWATEW BISHOP OF CAWWISWE -A-ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW WOWD MAWSHAW -SIW STEPHEN SCWOOP SIW PIEWCE OF EXTON -C-CAPTAIN of a band of Wewshmen TWO GAWDENyEWS - -QUEEN to King Wichawd -DUCHESS OF YOWK -DUCHESS OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, widow of Thomas of Woodstock, -D-Duke of Gwoucestew -WADY attending *teleports behind you* on the Queen - -Wowds, Hewawds, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Keepew, Messengew, -Gwoom, and othew Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Engwand and W-Wawes - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew WICHAWD, JOHN OF ;;w;; GAUNT, *pokes you* with othew xDD NyOBWES and attendants - -KING WICHAWD. O-Owd John of Gaunt, *leans over* time-honyouwed Wancastew, -Hast thou, accowding to t-thy oath and band, -B-Bwought hithew Henwy Hewefowd, t-thy bowd son, -Hewe to make good the >w< boist'wous *looks away* wate appeaw, -Which then o-ouw *moans* weisuwe ^.^ wouwd nyot wet us heaw, -Against the D-Duke of Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway? -GAUNT. I h-have, my wiege. -KING WICHAWD. Teww me, moweovew, hast thou sounded him -If he appeaw the D-Duke *teleports behind you* on *cries* ancient mawice, -Ow *twerks* wowthiwy, as a good subject shouwd, -On *blushes* some *teleports behind you* knyown gwound of tweachewy in him? -GAUNT. As nyeaw as I couwd sift him *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that awgument, -On *blushes* some appawent d-dangew :33 seen in him -Aim'd at youw Highnyess-nyo invetewate mawice. -KING WICHAWD. T-Then *giggles shyly* caww them to o-ouw pwesence: *cuddles you* face to *cuddles you* face -And fwownying b-bwow to bwow, ouwsewves wiww heaw -The accusew and the accused fweewy speak. -High-stomach'd awe they b-both and fuww of iwe, -In wage, d-deaf as the sea, h-hasty as fiwe. - -Entew B-BOWINGBWOKE and MOWBWAY - -BOWINGBWOKE. Many y-yeaws of happy days befaww -My g-gwacious soveweign, my most ^.^ woving wiege! -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Each day stiww bettew othew's happinyess -Untiw the *hugs tightly* heavens, envying eawth's good hap, -Add an *moans* immowtaw titwe to youw cwown! -KING WICHAWD. We t-thank you both; yet onye xDD but f-fwattews us, -As weww appeaweth ^w^ by the c-cause you come; -Nyamewy, to appeaw each othew of ^.^ high tweason. -Cousin of Hewefowd, w-what dost thou object -Against the D-Duke of Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway? -BOWINGBWOKE. Fiwst-heaven be the wecowd to my speech! -In the devotion of a subject's wove, -*moans* Tend'wing the p-pwecious safety of my pwince, -And fwee fwom othew ^w^ misbegotten hate, -Come I appewwant to this pwincewy pwesence. -Nyow, Thomas Mowbway, do I tuwn to ^w^ thee, -And mawk my gweeting weww; fow w-what I speak -My body shaww make good upon this eawth, -Ow my d-divinye souw *sighs* answew *moans* it in heaven- -*moans* Thou awt a twaitow and a miscweant, -Too good to be so, and too UwU bad to *teleports behind you* wive, -Since the mowe *looks at you* faiw and cwystaw is the sky, -The ugwiew seem the cwouds *sweats* that in *moans* it fwy. -O-Once mowe, the mowe to aggwavate the nyote, -With a f-fouw twaitow's nyame s-stuff I t-thy :33 thwoat; -And wish-so pwease my *leans over* soveweign-ewe I m-move, -What my t-tongue speaks, my wight dwawn swowd may *shuffles closer* pwove. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Wet nyot my cowd wowds x3 hewe accuse my zeaw. -'Tis nyot the twiaw of a woman's waw, -The bittew cwamouw of xDD two eagew t-tongues, -C-Can awbitwate this c-cause b-betwixt us twain; -The b-bwood is hot *sweats* that must be ;;w;; coow'd fow this. -Y-Yet can I nyot of such tame p-patience boast -As to be *leans over* hush'd and nyought at an to say. -Fiwst, the *looks at you* faiw wevewence of youw *sweats* Highnyess cuwbs me -Fwom giving weins and spuws to my fwee s-speech; -Which e-ewse ^.^ wouwd post u-untiw *moans* it h-had r-wetuwn'd -These tewms of tweason doubwed down his thwoat. -Setting aside his ^.^ high bwood's woyawty, -And wet him be nyo kinsman to my wiege, -I do defy him, and I *giggles shyly* spit at him, -Caww him a s-swandewous cowawd and a viwwain; -Which to maintain, I ^.^ wouwd awwow him odds -And meet him, wewe I tied to wun afoot -Even to the fwozen widges of the Awps, -Ow any othew gwound inhabitabwe -Whewe *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* Engwishman d-duwst set his foot. -Meantime wet this defend my woyawty- -By aww my hopes, most f-fawsewy doth he wie -BOWINGBWOKE. Pawe twembwing cowawd, thewe I thwow my gage, -Discwaiming x3 hewe the kindwed of the K-King; -And *looks at you* way aside my ^.^ high bwood's woyawty, -Which feaw, nyot wevewence, makes thee to except. -If *teleports behind you* guiwty xDD dwead have >w< weft thee so much stwength -As to take up minye h-honyouw's ^-^ pawn, then s-stoop. -By *sweats* that and aww the wites of knyighthood e-ewse -Wiww I make good against ^w^ thee, awm to awm, -What I have s-spoke *blushes* ow thou ;;w;; canst *sweats* wowst devise. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. I take *moans* it up; and ^w^ by *sweats* that swowd I sweaw -Which gentwy waid my knyighthood *teleports behind you* on my *blushes* shouwdew -I'ww *sighs* answew thee in any *looks at you* faiw degwee -Ow chivawwous d-design of knyightwy twiaw; -And when I mount, awive may I nyot wight -If I be twaitow *blushes* ow unjustwy fight! -KING WICHAWD. What doth o-ouw c-cousin *looks at you* way to Mowbway's chawge? -It must be gweat *sweats* that can inhewit us -So much as of a thought of iww in him. -BOWINGBWOKE. Wook w-what I speak, my wife shaww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it t-twue- -*teleports behind you* That Mowbway hath weceiv'd eight thousand ^w^ nyobwes -In nyame of wendings fow youw Highnyess' sowdiews, -The which he hath detain'd fow wewd empwoyments -Wike a f-fawse twaitow and injuwious *moans* viwwain. -Besides, I say and wiww in battwe pwove- -Ow hewe, *blushes* ow ewsewhewe to the fuwthest vewge -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew was s-suwvey'd ^w^ by Engwish eye- -*teleports behind you* That aww the tweasons fow these eighteen y-yeaws -Compwotted and contwived in this wand -Fetch fwom f-fawse Mowbway t-theiw f-fiwst *sweats* head and spwing. -Fuwthew I say, and *twerks* fuwthew wiww m-maintain -^-^ Upon his UwU bad wife to make aww this ^-^ good, -*teleports behind you* That he did pwot the D-Duke of Gwoucestew's death, -Suggest his soon-bewieving advewsawies, -And consequentwy, wike a twaitow cowawd, -Swuic'd out his *blushes* innyocent souw uWu thwough stweams of bwood; -Which b-bwood, wike s-sacwificing Abew's, cwies, -Even fwom the tonguewess cavewns of the eawth, -To me fow justice and wough chastisement; -And, ^w^ by the gwowious wowth of my descent, -This awm shaww do it, *blushes* ow this wife be spent. -KING WICHAWD. H-How ^.^ high a pitch his *sighs* wesowution soaws! -Thomas of Nyowfowk, w-what say'st thou to *sweats* this? -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. O, wet my soveweign tuwn away his *cuddles you* face -And bid his eaws a wittwe whiwe be deaf, -Tiww I have towd this swandew of his b-bwood -H-How OwO God and good men hate so f-fouw a wiaw. -KING WICHAWD. Mowbway, impawtiaw awe o-ouw eyes and caws. -Wewe he my bwothew, nyay, my kingdom's heiw, -As he is xDD but my fathew's bwothew's son, ->_> Nyow ^w^ by my s-sceptwe's a-awe I make a vow, -*screams* Such *screams* nyeighbouw nyeawnyess to o-ouw sacwed b-bwood -Shouwd nyothing pwiviwege him n-nyow p-pawtiawize -The unstooping fiwmnyess of my upwight souw. -He is o-ouw subject, :3 Mowbway; so awt thou: -Fwee speech and feawwess I to thee awwow. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Then, Bowingbwoke, as OwO wow as to t-thy h-heawt, -Thwough the f-fawse passage of t-thy thwoat, thou wiest. -T-Thwee *hugs tightly* pawts of *sweats* that weceipt I h-had fow Cawais -Disbuws'd I duwy to his Highnyess' sowdiews; -The othew *cries* pawt wesewv'd I ^w^ by consent, -F-Fow *sweats* that my soveweign wiege was in my debt -^-^ Upon wemaindew of a deaw account -Since wast I went to F-Fwance to fetch his queen: ->_> Nyow swawwow down *sweats* that wie. F-Fow Gwoucestew's death- -I swew him nyot, xDD but to my own *looks away* disgwace -Nyegwected my swown duty in *sweats* that case. -F-Fow y-you, my nyobwe Wowd of Wancastew, -The honyouwabwe fathew to my foe, -O-Once did I *looks at you* way an a-ambush fow youw l-wife, -A *sighs* twespass *sweats* that doth vex my gwieved souw; -But ewe I wast weceiv'd the sacwament -I did *cuddles you* confess it, and exactwy begg'd -Youw G-Gwace's pawdon; and I hope I h-had it. -This is my f-fauwt. As fow the west appeaw'd, -It issues fwom the wancouw of a viwwain, -A r-wecweant and most degenyewate twaitow; -Which in m-mysewf I bowdwy wiww defend, -And intewchangeabwy huww down my gage -^-^ Upon this ovewweenying twaitow's f-foot -To *shuffles closer* pwove m-mysewf a woyaw gentweman -Even in the best b-bwood chambew'd in his bosom. -In haste wheweof, most heawtiwy I pway -Youw *sweats* Highnyess to a-assign o-ouw twiaw day. -KING WICHAWD. Wwath-kindwed gentwemen, be wuw'd ^w^ by me; -Wet's puwge this chowew without *notices bulge* wetting bwood- -This we pwescwibe, *sighs* though nyo p-physician; -D-Deep mawice makes too deep incision. -Fowget, f-fowgive; concwude and be *leans over* agweed: -Ouw doctows say this is nyo month to b-bweed. -Good uncwe, wet this end whewe *moans* it begun; -We'ww cawm the D-Duke of Nyowfowk, you youw son. -GAUNT. To be a m-make-peace shaww become my age. -Thwow *giggles shyly* down, my son, the D-Duke of Nyowfowk's gage. -KING WICHAWD. And, Nyowfowk, thwow down his. -GAUNT. When, Hawwy, when? -Obedience b-bids I shouwd nyot bid again. -KING WICHAWD. Nyowfowk, thwow down; we bid. -*cries* Thewe is nyo :33 boot. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Mysewf I thwow, xDD dwead soveweign, at t-thy f-foot; -My wife thou shawt command, xDD but nyot my shame: -The onye my duty o-owes; xDD but my *looks at you* faiw nyame, -Despite of death, *sweats* that wives upon my gwave -To dawk d-dishonyouw's use thou shawt nyot have. -I am disgwac'd, ^w^ impeach'd, and b-baffw'd h-hewe; -Piewc'd to the souw *pokes you* with swandew's *looks away* venyom'd speaw, -The which nyo bawm can *notices bulge* cuwe xDD but his heawt-bwood -Which bweath'd this poison. -KING WICHAWD. Wage must be withstood: -Give me his g-gage-wions make weopawds *moans* tame. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Yea, xDD but nyot change his spots. Take xDD but my shame, -And I wesign my gage. My deaw deaw wowd, -The ^.^ puwest tweasuwe mowtaw times affowd -*looks at you* Is spotwess weputation; *sweats* that away, -Men awe xDD but >_< giwded woam *blushes* ow ;;w;; painted c-cway. -A jewew in a ten-times baww'd-up >_> chest -*looks at you* Is a bowd spiwit in a woyaw bweast. -M-Minye honyouw is my wife; b-both gwow in onye; -Take honyouw fwom me, and my wife is d-donye: -Then, deaw my wiege, minye honyouw wet me twy; -In *sweats* that I *teleports behind you* wive, and fow *sweats* that wiww I die. -KING WICHAWD. Cousin, thwow up youw g-gage; do you begin. -BOWINGBWOKE. O, OwO God defend my souw fwom such deep *sighs* sin! -Shaww I seem cwest-fawwen in my fathew's *teleports behind you* sight? -Ow *pokes you* with pawe *looks at you* beggaw-feaw :33 impeach my height -B-Befowe this outdaw'd dastawd? Ewe my t-tongue -Shaww ^.^ wound my honyouw *pokes you* with such feebwe wwong -Ow s-sound so base a pawwe, my teeth shaww teaw -The swavish motive of *shuffles closer* wecanting feaw, -And *giggles shyly* spit *moans* it bweeding in his ^.^ high disgwace, -Whewe shame doth hawbouw, even in Mowbway's face. -Exit GAUNT -KING WICHAWD. We wewe nyot bown to sue, xDD but to ^.^ command; -Which s-since we cannyot do to make you fwiends, -Be r-weady, as youw wives shaww *sighs* answew it, -At Coventwy, upon Saint *looks at you* Wambewt's day. -*cries* Thewe shaww youw ^w^ swowds and wances awbitwate -The s-swewwing diffewence of youw settwed hate; -Since we can nyot atonye y-you, we shaww see -J-Justice d-design the OwO victow's chivawwy. -Wowd Mawshaw, command o-ouw officews-at-awms -Be r-weady to diwect these h-home awawms. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. -Wondon. The D-DUKE OF WANCASTEW'S pawace - -Entew JOHN OF GAUNT *pokes you* with the DUCHESS OF *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -GAUNT. A-Awas, the *cries* pawt I h-had in W-Woodstock's b-bwood -Doth mowe sowicit me than youw e-excwaims -To s-stiw against the butchews of his wife! -But s-since cowwection wieth in those h-hands -Which made the fauwt *sweats* that we cannyot c-cowwect, -*looks at you* Put we o-ouw quawwew to the wiww of heaven; -*leans over* Who, when they see the houws wipe *teleports behind you* on eawth, -Wiww wain hot v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on offendews' heads. -DUCHESS. Finds bwothewhood in thee nyo shawpew spuw? -Hath wove in t-thy owd b-bwood nyo l-wiving fiwe? -Edwawd's seven sons, wheweof thysewf awt ^.^ onye, -Wewe as seven viaws of his sacwed b-bwood, -Ow seven *looks at you* faiw bwanches spwinging fwom onye woot. -Some of those seven awe d-dwied ^w^ by nyatuwe's couwse, -Some of those bwanches ^w^ by the *sweats* Destinyies cut; -But x3 Thomas, my deaw wowd, my l-wife, my Gwoucestew, -Onye viaw fuww of Edwawd's sacwed b-bwood, -Onye ^w^ fwouwishing b-bwanch of his most woyaw woot, -*looks at you* Is cwack'd, and aww the p-pwecious wiquow spiwt; -*looks at you* Is hack'd *giggles shyly* down, and his s-summew weaves aww f-faded, -By e-envy's h-hand and muwdew's bwoody axe. -Ah, Gaunt, his b-bwood was >_> thinye! *teleports behind you* That bed, *sweats* that womb, -*teleports behind you* That mettwe, *sweats* that sewf *cries* mouwd, *sweats* that fashion'd ^w^ thee, -Made him a man; and *sighs* though thou wivest and bweathest, -Y-Yet awt thou s-swain in him. *moans* Thou dost consent -In *blushes* some l-wawge measuwe to t-thy fathew's death -In *sweats* that thou seest t-thy wwetched b-bwothew die, -Who was the m-modew of t-thy fathew's wife. -Caww *moans* it nyot patience, Gaunt-it is despaiw; -In suff'wing t-thus t-thy b-bwothew to be swaught'wed, -*moans* Thou s-showest the nyaked pathway to t-thy l-wife, -Teaching stewn muwdew how to butchew thee. -*teleports behind you* That which in *looks at you* mean men we entitwe p-patience -*looks at you* Is pawe cowd cowawdice in nyobwe bweasts. -What shaww I say? To safeguawd thinye own wife -The best way is to venge my Gwoucestew's death. -GAUNT. God's is the quawwew; fow God's substitute, -His deputy a-anyointed in His sight, -Hath caus'd his death; the which if wwongfuwwy, -Wet heaven wevenge; fow I may nyevew l-wift -*looks at you* An *cries* angwy awm against His ^-^ minyistew. -DUCHESS. Whewe then, awas, may I compwain :33 mysewf? -GAUNT. To >_< God, the widow's champion and defence. -DUCHESS. Why then, I wiww. Faweweww, owd Gaunt. -*moans* Thou goest to Coventwy, thewe to behowd -Ouw c-cousin Hewefowd and feww Mowbway fight. -O, sit my husband's wwongs *teleports behind you* on Hewefowd's speaw, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it may entew butchew Mowbway's bweast! -Ow, if misfowtunye miss the f-fiwst caweew, -Be Mowbway's sins so heavy in his bosom -*teleports behind you* That they may bweak his foaming couwsew's back -And thwow the widew headwong in the wists, -A caitiff r-wecweant to my c-cousin H-Hewefowd! -Faweweww, owd :3 Gaunt; t-thy sometimes bwothew's wife, -With h-hew companyion, Gwief, must end h-hew wife. -GAUNT. *pokes you* Sistew, *shuffles closer* faweweww; I must to Coventwy. -As much good >_< stay *pokes you* with thee as go *pokes you* with me! -DUCHESS. Y-Yet onye wowd mowe- g-gwief boundeth whewe *moans* it fawws, -Nyot *pokes you* with the empty howwownyess, xDD but weight. -I take my weave befowe I have begun, -F-Fow sowwow e-ends nyot when *moans* it seemeth donye. -Commend me to t-thy bwothew, *hugs tightly* Edmund Yowk. -*looks away* Wo, this is aww- nyay, yet depawt nyot so; -Though this be a-aww, do nyot so quickwy go; -I shaww wemembew mowe. B-Bid him- ah, what?- -With aww good speed at Pwashy visit me. -Awack, and w-what shaww good owd Yowk thewe see -But empty wodgings and unfuwnyish'd wawws, -*sighs* Unpeopwed offices, untwodden stonyes? -And w-what heaw thewe fow wewcome xDD but my gwoans? -Thewefowe commend me; wet him nyot come thewe -To seek out sowwow *sweats* that d-dwewws evewy xDD whewe. -Desowate, desowate, wiww I hence and die; -The wast weave of thee takes my weeping eye. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. -The wists at Coventwy - -Entew the WOWD MAWSHAW and the D-DUKE OF A-AUMEWWE - -MAWSHAW. My Wowd Aumewwe, is Hawwy Hewefowd awm'd? -AUMEWWE. Yea, at aww points; and wongs to entew i-in. -MAWSHAW. The D-Duke of Nyowfowk, spightfuwwy and b-bowd, -OwO Stays xDD but the summons of the appewant's twumpet. -AUMEWWE. Why then, the champions awe x3 pwepaw'd, and >_< stay -F-Fow nyothing xDD but his Majesty's a-appwoach. - -The *blushes* twumpets ;;w;; sound, and the KING e-entews *pokes you* with his nyobwes, -;;w;; GAUNT, BUSHY, BAGOT, GWEEN, and o-othews. When they awe set, -entew MOWBWAY, D-Duke of N-Nyow fowk, in awms, defendant, and -a HEWAWD - -KING WICHAWD. Mawshaw, demand of y-yondew champion -The c-cause of his awwivaw x3 hewe in awms; -Ask him his nyame; and owdewwy pwoceed -To sweaw him in the justice of his xDD cause. -MAWSHAW. In God's nyame and the King's, say w-who thou awt, -And why thou comest t-thus knyightwy cwad in awms; -Against w-what man thou *giggles shyly* com'st, and w-what t-thy quawwew. -Speak twuwy *teleports behind you* on t-thy knyighthood and t-thy oath; -As so defend thee heaven and t-thy vawouw! -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. My nyame is Thomas Mowbway, D-Duke of Nyowfowk; -Who hithew come e-engaged ^w^ by my oath- -Which OwO God defend a knyight shouwd viowate!- -^w^ Both to defend my woyawty and uWu twuth -To >_< God, my King, and my succeeding issue, -Against the D-Duke of Hewefowd *sweats* that appeaws me; -And, ^w^ by the gwace of OwO God and this minye awm, -To *shuffles closer* pwove him, in defending of *twerks* mysewf, -A twaitow to my >_< God, my King, and me. -And as I twuwy fight, defend me heaven! - -The *blushes* twumpets sound. Entew BOWINGBWOKE, D-Duke of Hewefowd, -appewwant, in awmouw, and a HEWAWD - -KING WICHAWD. Mawshaw, ask y-yondew knyight in awms, -^w^ Both w-who he is and why he cometh hithew -Thus pwated in habiwiments of waw; -And fowmawwy, accowding to o-ouw waw, -Depose him in the justice of his xDD cause. -MAWSHAW. What is t-thy n-nyame? and whewefowe com'st thou hithew -B-Befowe King Wichawd in his woyaw wists? -Against whom comest thou? and what's t-thy quawwew? -Speak wike a twue knyight, so defend thee heaven! -BOWINGBWOKE. Hawwy of Hewefowd, Wancastew, and Dewby, -Am I; w-who r-weady x3 hewe do *looks at you* stand in awms -To pwove, ^w^ by God's gwace and my body's vawouw, -In wists *teleports behind you* on Thomas Mowbway, D-Duke of Nyowfowk, -*teleports behind you* That he is a twaitow, f-fouw and dangewous, -To OwO God of heaven, King Wichawd, and to me. -And as I twuwy fight, defend me heaven! -MAWSHAW. On *sweats* pain of death, nyo pewson be so bowd -Ow dawing-hawdy as to touch the wists, -Except the Mawshaw and such *looks at you* officews -Appointed to diwect these *looks at you* faiw designs. -BOWINGBWOKE. Wowd Mawshaw, wet me kiss my OwO soveweign's hand, -And bow my k-knyee befowe his *sighs* Majesty; -F-Fow Mowbway and m-mysewf awe wike xDD two men -*teleports behind you* That vow a wong and weawy piwgwimage. -T-Then wet us take a cewemonyious weave -And ^.^ woving faweweww of o-ouw sevewaw xDD fwiends. -MAWSHAW. The appewwant in aww duty xDD gweets youw Highnyess, -And cwaves to kiss youw h-hand and take his >_< weave. -KING WICHAWD. We wiww descend and fowd him in o-ouw *leans over* awms. -Cousin of Hewefowd, as t-thy c-cause is wight, -So be t-thy fowtunye in this woyaw fight! -Faweweww, my bwood; which if to-day thou shed, -OwO Wament we may, xDD but nyot *shuffles closer* wevenge thee dead. -BOWINGBWOKE. O, wet nyo nyobwe eye pwofanye a teaw -F-Fow me, if I be gow'd *pokes you* with Mowbway's speaw. -As c-confident as is the fawcon's fwight -Against a biwd, do I *pokes you* with Mowbway fight. -My ^.^ woving wowd, I take my weave of you; -Of y-you, my nyobwe cousin, Wowd Aumewwe; -Nyot sick, awthough I have to do *pokes you* with death, -But l-wusty, young, and cheewwy dwawing bweath. -*looks away* Wo, as at Engwish feasts, so I wegweet -The daintiest wast, to make the end most sweet. -O thou, the eawthwy authow of my b-bwood, -Whose youthfuw spiwit, in me wegenyewate, -Doth *pokes you* with a twofowd vigouw l-wift me up -To *pokes you* weach at *pokes you* victowy a-above my head, -Add *giggles shyly* pwoof unto minye awmouw *pokes you* with t-thy pwayews, -And *pokes you* with t-thy bwessings steew my wance's point, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it may entew Mowbway's waxen coat -And fuwbish nyew the nyame of John o' Gaunt, -Even in the l-wusty *blushes* haviouw of his son. -GAUNT. OwO God in t-thy good c-cause make thee pwospewous! -Be swift wike wightnying in the execution, -And wet t-thy ;;w;; bwows, doubwy wedoubwed, -xDD Faww wike amazing thundew *teleports behind you* on the casque -Of t-thy advewse pewnyicious enyemy. -Wouse up t-thy youthfuw b-bwood, be vawiant, and l-wive. -BOWINGBWOKE. M-Minye innyocence and Saint Geowge to thwive! -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. Howevew OwO God *blushes* ow fowtunye OwO cast my wot, -*cries* Thewe wives *blushes* ow *looks at you* dies, twue to King *teleports behind you* Wichawd's thwonye, -A woyaw, just, and upwight ;;w;; gentweman. -Nyevew did uWu captive *pokes you* with a fweew heawt -*pokes you* Cast off his chains of b-bondage, and embwace -His gowden uncontwoww'd enfwanchisement, -Mowe than my dancing souw doth cewebwate -This feast of battwe *pokes you* with minye advewsawy. -Most mighty wiege, and my companyion peews, -Take fwom my mouth the wish of happy yeaws. -As g-gentwe and as jocund as to jest -Go I to fight: uWu twuth hath a quiet bweast. -KING WICHAWD. Faweweww, my wowd, secuwewy I espy -V-Viwtue *pokes you* with vawouw couched in thinye eye. -Owdew the twiaw, Mawshaw, and begin. -MAWSHAW. Hawwy of Hewefowd, Wancastew, and Dewby, -Weceive t-thy wance; and OwO God defend the wight! -BOWINGBWOKE. Stwong as a towew in hope, I cwy amen. -MAWSHAW. [To an officew] Go beaw this wance to x3 Thomas, -D-Duke of Nyowfowk. -FIWST HEWAWD. Hawwy of Hewefowd, Wancastew, and Dewby, -*notices bulge* Stands x3 hewe fow >_< God, his soveweign, and ^.^ himsewf, -On *sweats* pain to be ^w^ found f-fawse and wecweant, -To *shuffles closer* pwove the D-Duke of Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway, -A twaitow to his >_< God, his King, and :3 him; -And dawes him to set *blushes* fowwawd to the fight. -SECOND HEWAWD. Hewe *looks at you* standeth Thomas Mowbway, D-Duke of Nyowfowk, -On *sweats* pain to be ^w^ found f-fawse and wecweant, -^w^ Both to defend ^.^ himsewf, and to appwove -Henwy of Hewefowd, Wancastew, and Dewby, -To >_< God, his soveweign, and to him diswoyaw, -Couwageouswy and *pokes you* with a fwee desiwe -Attending xDD but the signyaw to begin. -MAWSHAW. Sound twumpets; and set f-fowwawd, combatants. -[A chawge sounded] -Stay, the King hath thwown his wawdew :33 down. -KING WICHAWD. Wet them *looks at you* way ^w^ by t-theiw hewmets and t-theiw speaws, -And b-both r-wetuwn back to t-theiw chaiws again. -Withdwaw *pokes you* with us; and wet the *blushes* twumpets s-sound -Whiwe we r-wetuwn these dukes w-what we decwee. - -A wong fwouwish, whiwe the KING consuwts his Counciw - ->_< Dwaw nyeaw, -And :33 wist w-what *pokes you* with o-ouw counciw we have donye. -F-Fow *sweats* that o-ouw kingdom's eawth shouwd nyot be soiw'd -With *sweats* that deaw b-bwood which *moans* it hath fostewed; -And fow o-ouw eyes do hate the diwe *sighs* aspect -Of civiw ^.^ wounds pwough'd up *pokes you* with n-nyeighbouws' swowd; -And fow we think the eagwe-winged pwide -Of s-sky-aspiwing and ambitious thoughts, -With *giggles shyly* wivaw-hating envy, set *teleports behind you* on you -To wake o-ouw peace, which in o-ouw countwy's cwadwe -Dwaws the sweet infant >_< bweath of g-gentwe sweep; -Which so wous'd up *pokes you* with >w< boist'wous u-untun'd dwums, -With hawsh-wesounding twumpets' dweadfuw bway, -And g-gwating :33 shock of w-wwathfuw iwon awms, -Might fwom o-ouw quiet confinyes fwight *looks at you* faiw peace -And make us wade even in o-ouw k-kindwed's bwood- -Thewefowe we banyish you o-ouw tewwitowies. -You, c-cousin Hewefowd, upon *sweats* pain of l-wife, -Tiww t-twice five summews have enwich'd o-ouw fiewds -Shaww nyot wegweet o-ouw *looks at you* faiw *blushes* dominyions, -But twead the stwangew paths of banyishment. -BOWINGBWOKE. Youw wiww be donye. This must my comfowt >_> be- -*teleports behind you* That *moans* sun *sweats* that wawms you x3 hewe shaww *teleports behind you* shinye *teleports behind you* on me, -And those his gowden beams to you x3 hewe went -Shaww point *teleports behind you* on me and giwd my banyishment. -KING WICHAWD. Nyowfowk, fow thee >_> wemains a heaview doom, -Which I *pokes you* with *blushes* some unwiwwingnyess pwonyounce: -The swy swow houws shaww nyot UwU detewminyate -The *leans over* datewess OwO wimit of t-thy deaw exiwe; -The *cries* hopewess wowd of 'nyevew to wetuwn' -Bweathe I against ^w^ thee, upon *sweats* pain of wife. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. A heavy sentence, my most soveweign wiege, -And aww u-unwook'd fow fwom youw Highnyess' m-mouth. -A deawew mewit, nyot so deep a m-maim -As to be OwO cast f-fowth in the common aiw, -Have I desewved at youw Highnyess' h-hands. -The wanguage I have weawnt these fowty yeaws, -My n-nyative Engwish, n-nyow I must fowgo; -And n-nyow my tongue's use is to me nyo mowe -*notices bulge* Than an unstwinged viow *blushes* ow a hawp; -Ow wike a cunnying i-instwument cas'd up -Ow, being open, p-put into his h-hands -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* knyows nyo touch to tunye the hawmony. -Within my mouth you have engaow'd my t-tongue, -Doubwy ;;w;; powtcuwwis'd *pokes you* with my teeth and wips; -And duww, u-unfeewing, bawwen ignyowance -*looks at you* Is made my gaowew to a-attend *teleports behind you* on me. -I am too owd to fawn upon a nyuwse, -Too faw in y-yeaws to be a p-pupiw nyow. -What is t-thy sentence, then, xDD but speechwess death, -Which UwU wobs my t-tongue fwom bweathing n-nyative bweath? -KING WICHAWD. It boots thee nyot to be compassionyate; -Aftew o-ouw s-sentence p-pwainying c-comes too wate. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. T-Then t-thus I tuwn me fwom my countwv's >w< wight, -To dweww in *hugs tightly* sowemn shades of e-endwess nyight. -KING WICHAWD. Wetuwn again, and take an oath *pokes you* with thee. -L-Way *teleports behind you* on o-ouw woyaw swowd youw banyish'd hands; -Sweaw ^w^ by the duty *sweats* that you owe to >_< God, -Ouw *cries* pawt thewein we banyish *pokes you* with *cuddles you* youwsewves, -To keep the oath *sweats* that we adminyistew: -Y-You nyevew uWu shaww, so hewp you uWu twuth and >_< God, -Embwace each othew's wove in banyishment; -N-Nyow nyevew wook upon each othew's face; -N-Nyow nyevew wwite, wegweet, n-nyow weconciwe -This wouwing *cries* tempest of youw h-home-bwed hate; -N-Nyow nyevew ^w^ by advised puwpose meet -To pwot, contwive, *blushes* ow compwot any iww, -'Gainst us, o-ouw state, o-ouw subjects, *blushes* ow o-ouw wand. -BOWINGBWOKE. I sweaw. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. And I, to keep aww this. -BOWINGBWOKE. Nyowfowk, so faw as to minye enyemy. -By this time, h-had the King *blushes* pewmitted us, -Onye of o-ouw s-souws h-had wand'wed in the aiw, -Banyish'd this f-fwaiw sepuwchwe of o-ouw >_> fwesh, -As n-nyow o-ouw UwU fwesh is banyish'd fwom this wand- -Confess t-thy tweasons ewe thou f-fwy the weawm; -Since thou hast faw to *screams* go, beaw nyot awong -The cwogging b-buwden of a *teleports behind you* guiwty souw. -*pokes you* MOWBWAY. N-Nyo, Bowingbwoke; if *giggles shyly* evew I wewe twaitow, -My nyame be bwotted fwom the book of l-wife, -And I fwom heaven banyish'd as fwom hence! -But w-what thou awt, >_< God, thou, and I, do knyow; -And aww too soon, I feaw, the King shaww r-wue. -Faweweww, my wiege. >_> Nyow nyo way can I stway: -Save back to Engwand, an the wowwd's my way. Exit -KING WICHAWD. Uncwe, even in the gwasses of thinye eyes -I see t-thy gwieved heawt. Thy sad *sighs* aspect -Hath fwom the nyumbew of his banyish'd y-yeaws -Pwuck'd fouw a-away. [To B-BOWINGBWOKE] Six fwozen x3 wintews *notices bulge* spent, -Wetuwn *pokes you* with wewcome h-home fwom banyishment. -BOWINGBWOKE. H-How wong a time wies in onye wittwe wowd! -Fouw wagging x3 wintews and fouw wanton spwings -End in a wowd: such is the >_< bweath of Kings. -GAUNT. I t-thank my wiege *sweats* that in wegawd of me -He showtens fouw y-yeaws of my uWu son's exiwe; -But wittwe vantage shaww I weap theweby, -F-Fow ewe the ^-^ six y-yeaws *sweats* that he hath to spend -C-Can change t-theiw >_< moons and b-bwing t-theiw times about, -My oiw-dwied wamp and time-bewasted wight -Shaww be extinct *pokes you* with age and e-endwess nyight; -My i-inch of tapew wiww be buwnt and donye, -And bwindfowd death nyot wet me see my son. -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, uncwe, thou hast many y-yeaws to l-wive. -GAUNT. But nyot a minyute, King, *sweats* that thou ;;w;; canst give: -Showten my days thou ;;w;; canst *pokes you* with suwwen sowwow -And pwuck nyights fwom me, xDD but nyot UwU wend a mowwow; -*moans* Thou can'st hewp time to f-fuwwow me *pokes you* with a-age, -But stop nyo w-wwinkwe in his piwgwimage; -Thy wowd is cuwwent *pokes you* with him fow my death, -But dead, t-thy kingdom cannyot b-buy my bweath. -KING WICHAWD. Thy son is banyish'd upon good advice, -Wheweto t-thy t-tongue a pawty-vewdict *screams* gave. -Why at o-ouw justice seem'st thou then to wouw? -GAUNT. Things sweet to taste *shuffles closer* pwove in digestion *cuddles you* souw. -Y-You >_< uwg'd me as a judge; xDD but I h-had wathew -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have bid me awgue wike a fathew. -O, h-had *moans* it been a s-stwangew, nyot my chiwd, -To smooth his fauwt I shouwd have been mowe miwd. -A p-pawtiaw swandew sought I to avoid, -And in the s-sentence my own wife destwoy'd. -A-Awas, I wook'd when *blushes* some of you shouwd say -I was too stwict to make minye own *looks away* away; -But you gave weave to my unwiwwing t-tongue -Against my wiww to do m-mysewf this wwong. -KING WICHAWD. Cousin, *shuffles closer* faweweww; and, uncwe, bid him so. -Six y-yeaws we banyish him, and he shaww go. -F-Fwouwish. Exit KING *pokes you* with twain -AUMEWWE. Cousin, *shuffles closer* faweweww; w-what :33 pwesence must nyot knyow, -Fwom whewe you do wemain wet papew show. -MAWSHAW. My wowd, nyo weave take I, fow I wiww wide -As faw as wand wiww wet me ^w^ by youw s-side. -GAUNT. O, to w-what puwpose dost thou hoawd t-thy wowds, -*teleports behind you* That thou wetuwnyest nyo gweeting to t-thy fwiends? -BOWINGBWOKE. I have too f-few to take my weave of y-you, -When the tongue's office shouwd be pwodigaw -To bweathe the abundant dowouw of the heawt. -GAUNT. Thy g-gwief is xDD but t-thy >_> absence fow a time. -BOWINGBWOKE. Joy *screams* absent, g-gwief is ^.^ pwesent fow *sweats* that time. -GAUNT. What is ^-^ six wintews? They awe quickwy gonye. -BOWINGBWOKE. To men in joy; xDD but g-gwief makes onye houw ten. -GAUNT. Caww *moans* it a *sweats* twavew *sweats* that thou t-tak'st fow pweasuwe. -BOWINGBWOKE. My heawt wiww *pokes you* sigh when I miscaww *moans* it so, -Which finds *moans* it an e-enfowced piwgwimage. -GAUNT. The suwwen passage of t-thy weawy steps -Esteem as *cries* foiw w-whewein thou awt to set -The p-pwecious jewew of t-thy h-home wetuwn. -BOWINGBWOKE. Nyay, wathew, evewy tedious stwide I make -Wiww xDD but wemembew me w-what a deaw of wowwd -I wandew fwom the jewews *sweats* that I wove. -M-Must I nyot sewve a wong appwenticehood -To foweign passages; and in the end, -Having my fweedom, boast of nyothing e-ewse -But *sweats* that I was a j-jouwnyeyman to gwief? -GAUNT. Aww pwaces *sweats* that the eye of heaven visits -Awe to a w-wise man powts and happy havens. -*cuddles you* Teach t-thy nyecessity to weason *looks away* thus: -*cries* Thewe is nyo *hugs tightly* viwtue wike nyecessity. -Think nyot the King did banyish ^w^ thee, -But thou the King. Woe doth the heaview sit -Whewe *moans* it pewceives *moans* it is xDD but faintwy home. -Go, say I OwO sent thee f-fowth to puwchase honyouw, -And nyot the King exiw'd thee; *blushes* ow *shuffles closer* suppose -Devouwing p-pestiwence >_> hangs in o-ouw a-aiw -And thou awt fwying to a fweshew cwime. -Wook w-what t-thy souw howds deaw, imaginye *moans* it -To wie *sweats* that way thou goest, nyot whence thou com'st. -Suppose the singing *sighs* biwds *looks away* musicians, -The gwass wheweon thou twead'st the :33 pwesence s-stwew'd, -The fwowews *looks at you* faiw wadies, and t-thy steps nyo mowe -*notices bulge* Than a dewightfuw measuwe *blushes* ow a dance; -F-Fow gnyawwing sowwow hath wess *cries* powew to *sighs* bite -The man *sweats* that *hugs tightly* mocks at *moans* it and sets *moans* it wight. -BOWINGBWOKE. O, w-who can howd a fiwe in his h-hand -By thinking *teleports behind you* on the fwosty C-Caucasus? -Ow cwoy the hungwy edge of appetite -By bawe uWu imaginyation of a feast? -Ow wawwow nyaked in D-Decembew snyow -By thinking *teleports behind you* on fantastic summew's heat? -O, nyo! the appwehension of the good -Gives xDD but the gweatew f-feewing to the wowse. -xDD Feww sowwow's t-tooth doth nyevew r-wankwe mowe -*notices bulge* Than when he *shuffles closer* bites, xDD but wanceth nyot the sowe. -GAUNT. Come, come, my son, I'ww b-bwing thee *teleports behind you* on t-thy way. -Had I t-thy youtwi and x3 cause, I ^.^ wouwd nyot stay. -BOWINGBWOKE. Then, Engwand's gwound, *shuffles closer* faweweww; sweet :3 soiw, *cries* adieu; -My m-mothew, and my nyuwse, *sweats* that beaws me yet! -Whewe'ew I wandew, boast of this I can: -Though banyish'd, yet a twuebown Engwish *pokes you* man. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. -Wondon. The couwt - -Entew the KING, *pokes you* with B-BAGOT and GWEEN, at onye d-doow; -and the D-DUKE OF A-AUMEWWE at anyothew - -KING WICHAWD. We did obsewve. Cousin Aumewwe, -H-How faw >w< bwought you ^.^ high Hewefowd *teleports behind you* on his way? -AUMEWWE. I >w< bwought ^.^ high Hewefowd, if you *giggles shyly* caww him so, -But to the nyext ^.^ high way, and thewe I >w< weft him. -KING WICHAWD. And say, w-what stowe of pawting teaws wewe shed? -AUMEWWE. Faith, nyonye fow me; e-except the nyowth-east wind, -Which then bwew bittewwy against o-ouw faces, -Awak'd the sweeping wheum, and so ^w^ by chance -*sweats* Did gwace o-ouw howwow pawting *pokes you* with a *screams* teaw. -KING WICHAWD. What s-said o-ouw c-cousin when you pawted *pokes you* with him? -AUMEWWE. 'Faweweww.' -And, fow my heawt x3 disdainyed *sweats* that my t-tongue -Shouwd so pwofanye the wowd, *sweats* that taught me cwaft -To countewfeit oppwession of such g-gwief -*teleports behind you* That wowds seem'd buwied in my sowwow's gwave. -Mawwy, ^.^ wouwd the wowd '-'faweweww' have wength'nyed houws -And x3 added y-yeaws to his showt banyishment, -He shouwd have h-had a vowume of *blushes* fawewewws; -But s-since *moans* it ^.^ wouwd nyot, he h-had nyonye of me. -KING WICHAWD. He is o-ouw cousin, cousin; xDD but 'tis doubt, -When time shaww *giggles shyly* caww him h-home fwom banyishment, -Whethew o-ouw kinsman come to see his xDD fwiends. -Ouwsewf, and Bushy, Bagot hewe, and Gween, -O-Obsewv'd his couwtship to the common p-peopwe; -H-How he did seem to d-dive into t-theiw heawts -With humbwe and f-famiwiaw couwtesy; -What wevewence he did thwow away *teleports behind you* on swaves, -Wooing poow *leans over* cwaftsmen *pokes you* with the cwaft of smiwes -And patient *teleports behind you* undewbeawing of his >w< fowtunye, -As 'twewe to banyish t-theiw affects *pokes you* with him. -Off goes his bonnyet to an oystew-wench; -A b-bwace of OwO dwaymen bid OwO God speed him weww -And h-had the twibute of his suppwe xDD knyee, -With 'Thanks, my countwymen, my ^.^ woving fwiends'; -As wewe o-ouw Engwand in wevewsion his, -And he o-ouw subjects' nyext degwee in hope. -GWEEN. *sighs* Weww, he is gonye; and *pokes you* with him go these thoughts! ->_> Nyow fow the webews which *looks at you* stand out in Iwewand, -^w^ Expedient manyage must be made, my wiege, -Ewe *twerks* fuwthew *moans* weisuwe yicwd them *twerks* fuwthew means -F-Fow t-theiw advantage and youw Highnyess' *shuffles closer* woss. -KING WICHAWD. We wiww ouwsewf in pewson to this waw; -And, fow o-ouw coffews, *pokes you* with too gweat a couwt -And wibewaw wawgess, awe g-gwown somewhat >w< wight, -We awe enfowc'd to OwO fawm o-ouw woyaw weawm; -The r-wevenyue wheweof shaww *shuffles closer* fuwnyish us -F-Fow o-ouw affaiws in hand. If *sweats* that come showt, -Ouw substitutes at h-home shaww have >_> bwank chawtews; -Wheweto, when they shaww knyow w-what men awe wich, -They shaww subscwibe them fow l-wawge x3 sums of gowd, -And send them aftew to suppwy o-ouw wants; -F-Fow we wiww make fow Iwewand pwesentwy. - -Entew BUSHY - -Bushy, w-what nyews? -BUSHY. O-Owd John of Gaunt is gwievous sick, my wowd, -Suddenwy *moans* taken; and hath OwO sent poste-haste -To entweat youw Majesty to visit him. -KING WICHAWD. Whewe wies *sighs* he? -BUSHY. At E-Ewy House. -KING WICHAWD. >_> Nyow p-put it, >_< God, in the physician's mind -To hewp him to his gwave i-immediatewy! -The x3 winying of his >_> coffews shaww make coats -To deck o-ouw sowdiews fow these Iwish *leans over* waws. -Come, gentwemen, wet's aww go visit him. -*twerks* Pway OwO God we may make haste, and come too wate! -AWW. Amen. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Wondon. E-Ewy House - -Entew JOHN OF ;;w;; GAUNT, sick, *pokes you* with the D-DUKE OF YOWK, etc. - -GAUNT. Wiww the King come, *sweats* that I may bweathe my wast -In whowesome ^-^ counsew to his unstaid youth? -OwO YOWK. Vex nyot youwsewf, n-nyow stwive nyot *pokes you* with youw *notices bulge* bweath; -F-Fow aww in vain c-comes ^-^ counsew to his eaw. -GAUNT. O, xDD but they say the tongues of dying men -Enfowce attention wike deep hawmony. -Whewe wowds awe scawce, they awe sewdom spent in vain; -F-Fow they bweathe uWu twuth *sweats* that bweathe t-theiw wowds -in x3 pain. -He *sweats* that nyo mowe must say is wisten'd mowe -*notices bulge* Than they whom youth and ease have taught to gwose; -Mowe awe men's e-ends mawk'd than t-theiw wives befowe. -The >_> setting sun, and *hugs tightly* music at the cwose, -As the wast taste of sweets, is sweetest wast, -Wwit in wemembwance mowe than things wong past. -Though Wichawd my wife's ^-^ counsew ^.^ wouwd nyot heaw, -My death's sad tawe may yet OwO undeaf his eaw. -OwO YOWK. Nyo; *moans* it is stopp'd *pokes you* with othew *cuddles you* fwattewing sounds, -As pwaises, of :33 whose taste the w-wise awe *notices bulge* fond, -Wascivious metwes, to :33 whose venyom s-sound -The open eaw of youth doth awways wisten; -Wepowt of >_< fashions in pwoud Itawy, -Whose m-mannyews stiww o-ouw tawdy apish n-nyation -L-Wimps aftew in base imitation. -Whewe doth the wowwd thwust f-fowth a vanyity- -So *moans* it be n-nyew, thewe's nyo wespect how viwe- -*teleports behind you* That is nyot quickwy buzz'd into his eaws? -T-Then aww too *looks away* wate c-comes ^-^ counsew to be h-heawd -Whewe wiww doth mutiny *pokes you* with wit's wegawd. -Diwect nyot him :33 whose way himsewf wiww choose. -'Tis >_< bweath thou wack'st, and *sweats* that >_< bweath wiwt thou wose. -GAUNT. Methinks I am a pwophet nyew *shuffles closer* inspiw'd, -And t-thus expiwing do foweteww of him: -His r-wash fiewce bwaze of UwU wiot cannyot wast, -F-Fow viowent fiwes soon buwn out themsewves; -Smaww *twerks* showews wast wong, xDD but sudden s-stowms awe showt; -He *twerks* tiwes *looks away* betimes *sweats* that spuws too *looks away* fast betimes; -With eagew feeding f-food doth choke the feedew; -Wight v-vanyity, insatiate cowmowant, -Consuming UwU means, soon p-pweys upon itsewf. -This woyaw thwonye of kings, this s-scept'wed i-iswe, -This eawth of majesty, this seat of Maws, -This othew Eden, demi-pawadise, -This fowtwess b-buiwt ^w^ by Nyatuwe fow hewsewf -Against >_< infection and the h-hand of waw, -This happy bweed of men, this wittwe wowwd, -This p-pwecious stonye set in the siwvew sea, -Which sewves *moans* it in the office of a waww, -Ow as a moat defensive to a *notices bulge* house, -Against the envy of wess happiew l-wands; -This bwessed pwot, this eawth, this r-weawm, this Engwand, -This nyuwse, this teeming womb of woyaw kings, -Feaw'd ^w^ by t-theiw b-bweed, and famous ^w^ by t-theiw biwth, -Wenyownyed fow t-theiw deeds as faw fwom home, -F-Fow Chwistian sewvice and twue chivawwy, -As is the sepuwchwe in stubbown Jewwy -Of the wowwd's >w< wansom, bwessed *looks away* Mawy's *sweats* Son; -This wand of such deaw souws, this deaw deaw l-wand, -Deaw fow h-hew weputation uWu thwough the wowwd, -*looks at you* Is n-nyow weas'd out-I die p-pwonyouncing it- -Wike to a ^.^ tenyement *blushes* ow pewting fawm. -Engwand, bound in *pokes you* with the twiumphant sea, -Whose wocky showe beats back the envious siege -Of wat'wy Nyeptunye, is n-nyow bound in *pokes you* with shame, -With x3 inky bwots and wotten pawchment *screams* bonds; -*teleports behind you* That Engwand, *sweats* that was wont to conquew *blushes* othews, -Hath made a shamefuw *moans* conquest of itsewf. -Ah, ^.^ wouwd the s-scandaw >w< vanyish *pokes you* with my l-wife, -H-How happy then wewe my ensuing death! - -Entew KING and Q-QUEEN, AUMEWWE, BUSHY, GWEEN, BAGOT, -Woss, and *cries* WIWWOUGHBY - -OwO YOWK. The King is come; deaw miwdwy *pokes you* with his >_< youth, -F-Fow young hot cowts being wag'd do wage the mowe. -QUEEN. H-How fawes o-ouw nyobwe uncwe Wancastew? -KING WICHAWD. What comfowt, man? H-How is't *pokes you* with aged ;;w;; Gaunt? -GAUNT. O, how *sweats* that nyame *looks at you* befits my composition! -O-Owd Gaunt, indeed; and gaunt in being owd. -Within me g-gwief hath kept a tedious fast; -And w-who abstains fwom meat *sweats* that is nyot g-gaunt? -F-Fow sweeping Engwand wong time have I watch'd; -Watching bweeds *moans* weannyess, weannyess is an gaunt. -The pweasuwe *sweats* that *blushes* some f-fathews feed upon -*looks at you* Is my stwict fast-I *looks at you* mean my chiwdwen's wooks; -And thewein fasting, hast thou made me gaunt. -Gaunt am I fow the gwave, gaunt as a gwave, -Whose howwow womb inhewits nyought xDD but bonyes. -KING WICHAWD. C-Can sick men pway so nyicewy *pokes you* with t-theiw nyames? -GAUNT. N-Nyo, misewy makes spowt to mock itsewf: -Since thou dost seek to kiww my nyame in me, -I mock my nyame, gweat king, to fwattew thee. -KING WICHAWD. Shouwd dying men fwattew *pokes you* with those *sweats* that wive? -GAUNT. N-Nyo, nyo; men l-wiving fwattew those *sweats* that die. -KING WICHAWD. x3 Thou, n-nyow a-dying, sayest thou fwattewest me. -GAUNT. O, nyo! thou diest, *sighs* though I the sickew be. -KING WICHAWD. I am in heawth, I b-bweathe, and see thee i-iww. -GAUNT. >_> Nyow He *sweats* that made me *looks away* knyows I see thee iww; -I-Iww in m-mysewf to see, and in thee seeing i-iww. -Thy death-bed is nyo wessew than t-thy wand -Whewein thou wiest in weputation sick; -And thou, too c-cawewess patient as thou awt, -Commit'st t-thy a-anyointed body to the *notices bulge* cuwe -Of those physicians *sweats* that f-fiwst wounded thee: -A thousand fwattewews sit within t-thy cwown, -Whose compass is nyo biggew than t-thy *sighs* head; -And yet, incaged in so smaww a vewge, -The waste is nyo w-whit wessew than t-thy wand. -O, h-had t-thy gwandsiwe *pokes you* with a pwophet's eye -Seen how his uWu son's son shouwd d-destwoy his sons, -Fwom f-fowth t-thy *pokes you* weach he ^.^ wouwd have waid t-thy shame, -Deposing thee befowe thou wewt possess'd, -Which awt possess'd n-nyow to d-depose thysewf. -W-Why, cousin, wewt thou wegent of the wowwd, -It wewe a shame to wet this wand ^w^ by wease; -But fow t-thy wowwd enjoying xDD but this l-wand, -*looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot mowe than shame to shame *moans* it *moans* so? -*cuddles you* Wandwowd of Engwand awt thou nyow, nyot King. -Thy state of waw is bondswave to the waw; -And thou- -KING WICHAWD. A wunyatic *hugs tightly* wean-witted foow, -Pwesuming *teleports behind you* on an ague's >_> pwiviwege, -D-Dawest *pokes you* with t-thy fwozen admonyition -Make pawe o-ouw cheek, *cries* chasing the woyaw b-bwood -With fuwy fwom his n-nyative :3 wesidence. ->_> Nyow ^w^ by my ^w^ seat's wight woyaw majesty, -Wewt thou nyot b-bwothew to gweat Edwawd's son, -This t-tongue *sweats* that wuns so woundwy in t-thy *sweats* head -Shouwd wun t-thy *sweats* head fwom t-thy unwevewent shouwdews. -GAUNT. O, Spawe me nyot, my b-bwothew Edwawd's son, -F-Fow *sweats* that I was his fathew Edwawd's son; -*teleports behind you* That b-bwood awweady, wike the pewican, -Hast thou tapp'd *pokes you* out, and dwunkenwy c-cawous'd. -My b-bwothew Gwoucestew, pwain weww-meanying souw- -Whom *looks at you* faiw befaww in heaven 'mongst happy souws!- -May be a pwecedent and witnyess good -*teleports behind you* That thou r-wespect'st nyot spiwwing Edwawd's bwood. -J-Join *pokes you* with the ^.^ pwesent sicknyess *sweats* that I have; -And t-thy unkindnyess be wike cwooked a-age, -To cwop at once a too wong withewed fwowew. -Wive in t-thy shame, xDD but die nyot shame *pokes you* with thee! -These wowds heweaftew t-thy towmentows *moans* be! -Convey me to my bed, then to my gwave. -Wove they to wive *sweats* that wove and honyouw have. -E-Exit, bownye out ^w^ by his attendants -KING WICHAWD. And wet them die *sweats* that age and suwwens have; -F-Fow b-both hast thou, and b-both become the gwave. -OwO YOWK. I do beseech youw Majesty impute his wowds -To waywawd sickwinyess and age in him. -He woves y-you, *teleports behind you* on my l-wife, and howds you deaw -As Hawwy D-Duke of Hewefowd, wewe he hewe. -KING WICHAWD. *looks at you* Wight, you say *screams* twue: as Hewefowd's wove, so his; -As theiws, so minye; and aww be as *moans* it is. - -Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wiege, owd Gaunt commends him to youw Majesty. -KING WICHAWD. What says *sighs* he? -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyay, nyothing; aww is said. -His t-tongue is n-nyow a s-stwingwess instwument; -Wowds, l-wife, and a-aww, owd L-Wancastew hath spent. -OwO YOWK. Be Yowk the nyext *sweats* that must be >_> bankwupt so! -Though death be poow, *moans* it e-ends a mowtaw woe. -KING WICHAWD. The wipest fwuit f-fiwst fawws, and so doth he; -His time is *notices bulge* spent, o-ouw >_> piwgwimage must be. -So much fow that. >_> Nyow fow o-ouw Iwish *leans over* waws. -We must suppwant those wough wug-headed kewns, -Which wive wike venyom whewe nyo venyom e-ewse -But onwy they have pwiviwege to l-wive. -And fow these gweat affaiws do ask *blushes* some chawge, -Towawds o-ouw *leans over* assistance we do seize to us -The pwate, coin, :33 wevenyues, and moveabwes, -Wheweof o-ouw uncwe Gaunt did *looks at you* stand possess'd. -OwO YOWK. H-How wong shaww I be patient? Ah, how wong -Shaww tendew duty make me suffew >_> wwong? -Nyot Gwoucestew's death, n-nyow Hewefowd's banyishment, -N-Nyow Gaunt's r-webukes, n-nyow Engwand's pwivate *notices bulge* wwongs, -N-Nyow the pwevention of poow Bowingbwoke -About his mawwiage, n-nyow my own disgwace, -Have *giggles shyly* evew made me *teleports behind you* souw my patient cheek -Ow *looks away* bend onye w-wwinkwe *teleports behind you* on my OwO soveweign's face. -I am the wast of nyobwe Edwawd's sons, -Of whom t-thy fathew, Pwince of Wawes, was fiwst. -In waw was nyevew wion wag'd mowe *cries* fiewce, -In peace was nyevew g-gentwe wamb mowe miwd, -*notices bulge* Than was *sweats* that young and pwincewy ;;w;; gentweman. -His *cuddles you* face thou hast, fow even so wook'd he, -Accompwish'd *pokes you* with the nyumbew of t-thy houws; -But when he fwown'd, *moans* it was against the Fwench -And nyot against his xDD fwiends. His nyobwe h-hand -*sweats* Did win w-what he did spend, and spent nyot *sweats* that -Which his twiumphant fathew's h-hand h-had won. -His h-hands wewe *teleports behind you* guiwty of nyo kindwed b-bwood, -But bwoody *pokes you* with the enyemies of his k-kin. -O Wichawd! Yowk is too faw g-gonye *pokes you* with gwief, -Ow e-ewse he nyevew ^.^ wouwd compawe between- -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, uncwe, what's the m-mattew? -OwO YOWK. O my wiege, -Pawdon me, if you pwease; if nyot, I, pweas'd -Nyot to be pawdonyed, am content withaw. -Seek you to seize and *notices bulge* gwipe into youw h-hands -The *sweats* woyawties and wights of banyish'd Hewefowd? -*looks at you* Is nyot Gaunt d-dead? and doth nyot Hewefowd wive? -*hugs tightly* Was nyot Gaunt just? and is nyot Hawwy twue? -*sweats* Did nyot the onye desewve to have an h-heiw? -*looks at you* Is nyot his heiw a w-weww-desewving son? -Take Hewefowd's wights away, and take fwom Time -His chawtews and his customawy wights; -Wet nyot to-mowwow then e-ensue to-day; -Be nyot thysewf-fow how awt thou a king -But ^w^ by *looks at you* faiw sequence and succession? -Nyow, afowe God-God fowbid I say twue!- -If you do wwongfuwwy seize Hewefowd's wights, -Caww in the wettews patents *sweats* that he hath -By his attownyeys-genyewaw to sue -His wivewy, and deny his off'wed homage, -Y-You pwuck a thousand dangews *teleports behind you* on youw head, -Y-You wose a thousand w-weww-disposed heawts, -And pwick my tendew p-patience to those *hugs tightly* thoughts -Which honyouw and awwegiance cannyot think. -KING WICHAWD. Think w-what you wiww, we seize into o-ouw h-hands -His pwate, his goods, his monyey, and his ^-^ wands. -OwO YOWK. I'ww nyot be ^w^ by the whiwe. My wiege, faweweww. -What wiww e-ensue heweof thewe's nyonye can t-teww; -But ^w^ by UwU bad couwses may be u-undewstood -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw events can nyevew faww out good. Exit -KING WICHAWD. Go, Bushy, to the E-Eaww of Wiwtshiwe stwaight; -B-Bid him r-wepaiw to us to E-Ewy House -To see this businyess. To-mowwow nyext -We wiww fow *blushes* Iwewand; and 'tis time, I twow. -And we cweate, in >_> absence of ouwsewf, -Ouw Uncwe Yowk Wowd Govewnyow of E-Engwand; -F-Fow he is just, and awways *notices bulge* wov'd us weww. -Come on, o-ouw q-queen; to-mowwow must we pawt; -Be mewwy, fow o-ouw time of >_< stay is showt. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt KING, Q-QUEEN, BUSHY, AUMEWWE, -GWEEN, and B-BAGOT -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *sighs* Weww, wowds, the D-Duke of L-Wancastew is dead. -Woss. And l-wiving too; fow n-nyow his son is Duke. -WIWWOUGHBY. B-Bawewy in *cuddles you* titwe, nyot in wevenyues. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wichwy in both, if justice h-had h-hew wight. -WOSS. My heawt is gweat; xDD but *moans* it must bweak *pokes you* with s-siwence, -Ewe't be disbuwdenyed *pokes you* with a wibewaw tongue. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyay, speak t-thy mind; and wet him nye'ew speak mowe -*teleports behind you* That speaks t-thy wowds ;;w;; again to do thee hawm! -WIWWOUGHBY. T-Tends *sweats* that thou wouwdst speak to the D-Duke of Hewefowd? -If *moans* it be so, out *pokes you* with *moans* it *hugs tightly* bowdwy, man; -Quick is minye eaw to heaw of good towawds him. -WOSS. Nyo good at aww *sweats* that I can do fow :3 him; -*leans over* Unwess you *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it good to pity him, -Beweft and gewded of his patwimony. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow, afowe >_< God, 'tis shame such wwongs awe bownye -In him, a woyaw pwince, and many *pokes you* moe -Of nyobwe b-bwood in this decwinying wand. -The King is nyot ^.^ himsewf, xDD but *giggles shyly* basewy *looks away* wed -By x3 fwattewews; and w-what they wiww infowm, -Mewewy in hate, 'gainst any of us a-an, -*teleports behind you* That wiww the King sevewewy pwosecute -'Gainst us, o-ouw l-wives, o-ouw *screams* chiwdwen, and o-ouw heiws. -WOSS. The commons hath he piww'd *pokes you* with gwievous taxes; -And q-quite wost t-theiw heawts; the ^w^ nyobwes hath he find -F-Fow *cries* ancient quawwews and q-quite wost t-theiw heawts. -WIWWOUGHBY. And daiwy nyew exactions awe devis'd, -As *teleports behind you* bwanks, benyevowences, and I wot nyot what; -But what, a God's nyame, doth become of *sweats* this? -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Waws hath nyot wasted it, fow waww'd he hath nyot, -But *giggles shyly* basewy xDD yiewded upon compwomise -*teleports behind you* That which his nyobwe ancestows achiev'd *pokes you* with b-bwows. -Mowe hath he spent in peace than they in *leans over* waws. -WOSS. The E-Eaww of Wiwtshiwe hath the ^.^ weawm in fawm. -WIWWOUGHBY. The K-King's g-gwown >_> bankwupt wike a bwoken *pokes you* man. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wepwoach and dissowution hangeth ovew him. -WOSS. He hath nyot monyey fow these Iwish waws, -His buwdenyous t-taxations nyotwithstanding, -But ^w^ by the wobbing of the banyish'd Duke. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. His nyobwe kinsman-most degenyewate king! -But, wowds, we heaw this f-feawfuw *cries* tempest sing, -Y-Yet seek nyo shewtew to avoid the stowm; -We see the *cuddles you* wind sit sowe upon o-ouw saiws, -And yet we stwike nyot, xDD but secuwewy pewish. -WOSS. We see the vewy wweck *sweats* that we must *sighs* suffew; -And *sighs* unyavoided is the d-dangew n-nyow -F-Fow suffewing so the c-causes of o-ouw w-wweck. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyot so; even uWu thwough the howwow eyes of death -I spy wife peewing; xDD but I dawe nyot say -H-How nyeaw the t-tidings of o-ouw comfowt is. -WIWWOUGHBY. Nyay, wet us shawe t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts as thou dost ouws. -WOSS. Be c-confident to speak, Nyowthumbewwand. -We thwee awe xDD but thysewf, and, speaking so, -Thy wowds awe xDD but as thoughts; thewefowe be bowd. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. T-Then *looks away* thus: I have fwom We *looks away* Powt Bwanc, a b-bay -In Bwittany, weceiv'd intewwigence -*teleports behind you* That Hawwy D-Duke of Hewefowd, Wainyowd Wowd Cobham, -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* wate b-bwoke fwom the D-Duke of E-Exetew, -His bwothew, A-Awchbishop *looks away* wate of *leans over* Cantewbuwy, -Siw Thomas Ewpingham, Siw John Wamston, -Siw John Nyowbewy, Siw Wobewt Watewton, and F-Fwancis Q-Quoint- -Aww these, weww fuwnyish'd ^w^ by the D-Duke of Bwitainye, -With eight *notices bulge* taww ships, thwee thousand men of waw, -Awe making hithew *pokes you* with aww due *teleports behind you* expedience, -And showtwy *looks at you* mean to touch o-ouw nyowthewn showe. -Pewhaps they h-had ewe t-this, xDD but *sweats* that they >_< stay -The f-fiwst depawting of the King fow Iwewand. -If then we shaww s-shake off o-ouw swavish *leans over* yoke, -*cuddles you* Imp out o-ouw dwooping countwy's bwoken wing, -Wedeem fwom b-bwoking p-pawn the bwemish'd cwown, -xDD Wipe off the dust *sweats* that hides o-ouw s-sceptwe's giwt, -And make ^.^ high majesty wook wike itsewf, -Away *pokes you* with me in post to Wavenspuwgh; -But if you faint, as *sweats* feawing to do so, -Stay and be secwet, and m-mysewf wiww go. -WOSS. To howse, to howse! Uwge uWu doubts to them *sweats* that *pokes you* feaw. -WIWWOUGHBY. H-Howd out my howse, and I wiww f-fiwst be thewe. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. -Windsow Castwe - -Entew Q-QUEEN, BUSHY, and B-BAGOT - -BUSHY. Madam, youw Majesty is too much >_> sad. -Y-You pwomis'd, when you pawted *pokes you* with the King, -To *looks at you* way aside *moans* wife-hawming heavinyess -And e-entewtain a cheewfuw disposition. -QUEEN. To pwease the King, I did; to pwease m-mysewf -I cannyot do it; yet I knyow nyo c-cause -Why I shouwd wewcome such a guest as gwief, -Save bidding faweweww to so sweet a guest -As my sweet *leans over* Wichawd. Y-Yet ;;w;; again methinks -Some unbown sowwow, wipe in fowtunye's womb, -*looks at you* Is coming towawds me, and my i-inwawd souw -With nyothing twembwes. At *blushes* some thing *moans* it gwieves -Mowe than *pokes you* with pawting fwom my *hugs tightly* wowd the King. -BUSHY. Each substance of a g-gwief hath twenty shadows, -Which shows wike g-gwief itsewf, xDD but is nyot so; -F-Fow sowwow's eye, g-gwazed *pokes you* with b-bwinding teaws, -Divides onye thing *sweats* entiwe to many objects, -Wike pewspectives which, wightwy gaz'd upon, -Show nyothing xDD but *cuddles you* confusion-ey'd awwy, -*teleports behind you* Distinguish fowm. So youw sweet Majesty, -Wooking uWu awwy upon youw wowd's depawtuwe, -Find shapes of g-gwief mowe than himsewf to waiw; -Which, wook'd *teleports behind you* on as *moans* it *screams* is, is nyought xDD but shadows -Of w-what *moans* it is nyot. Then, thwice-gwacious Queen, -Mowe than youw wowd's depawtuwe weep nyot-mowe is nyot ^-^ seen; -Ow if *moans* it be, 'tis *pokes you* with f-fawse sowwow's eye, -Which fow things twue w-weeps things imaginyawy. -QUEEN. It may be so; xDD but yet my i-inwawd souw -Pewsuades me *moans* it is othewwise. Howe'ew *moans* it be, -I cannyot xDD but be sad; so heavy sad -As-though, *teleports behind you* on thinking, *teleports behind you* on nyo thought I think- -Makes me *pokes you* with heavy nyothing faint and ^-^ shwink. -BUSHY. 'Tis nyothing xDD but *twerks* conceit, my g-gwacious wady. -QUEEN. 'Tis nyothing wess: conceit is stiww dewiv'd -Fwom *blushes* some fowefathew gwief; minye is nyot so, -F-Fow nyothing hath begot my s-something gwief, -Ow s-something hath the nyothing *sweats* that I gwieve; -'Tis in wevewsion *sweats* that I do possess- -But w-what *moans* it is *sweats* that is nyot yet *teleports behind you* knyown what, -I cannyot nyame; 'tis nyamewess woe, I wot. - -Entew GWEEN - -GWEEN. OwO God uWu save youw Majesty! and weww met, gentwemen. -I hope the King is nyot yet shipp'd fow Iwewand. -QUEEN. Why hopest thou *moans* so? 'Tis bettew hope he is; -F-Fow his designs c-cwave haste, his haste good hope. -T-Then whewefowe dost thou hope he is nyot shipp'd? -GWEEN. *teleports behind you* That he, o-ouw hope, might have wetiw'd his *cries* powew -And dwiven into >_< despaiw an enyemy's hope -Who *shuffles closer* stwongwy hath set footing in this wand. -The banyish'd Bowingbwoke wepeaws ^.^ himsewf, -And *pokes you* with upwifted awms is safe *looks at you* awwiv'd -At Wavenspuwgh. -QUEEN. >_> Nyow OwO God in heaven fowbid! -GWEEN. Ah, *looks at you* madam, 'tis too *shuffles closer* twue; and *sweats* that is w-wowse, -The Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, his son young Henwy :3 Pewcy, -The Wowds of Woss, B-Beaumond, and Wiwwoughby, -With aww t-theiw powewfuw fwiends, awe OwO fwed to him. -BUSHY. Why have you nyot pwocwaim'd Nyowthumbewwand -And aww the west *giggles shyly* wevowted faction twaitows? -GWEEN. We have; wheweupon the E-Eaww of Wowcestew -Hath bwoken his staff, wesign'd his stewawdship, -And aww the househowd sewvants OwO fwed *pokes you* with him -To ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -QUEEN. >_> So, Gween, thou awt the midwife to my woe, -And Bowingbwoke my sowwow's dismaw uWu heiw. ->_> Nyow hath my souw >w< bwought f-fowth h-hew pwodigy; -And I, a gasping nyew-dewivew'd m-mothew, -Have woe to woe, sowwow to sowwow join'd. -BUSHY. Despaiw nyot, madam. -QUEEN. Who shaww hindew me? -I wiww despaiw, and be at enmity -With cozenying hope-he is a fwattewew, -A *looks away* pawasite, a keepew-back of death, -Who gentwy ^.^ wouwd d-dissowve the UwU bands of l-wife, -Which f-fawse hope wingews in extwemity. - -Entew YOWK - -GWEEN. Hewe c-comes the D-Duke of Yowk. -QUEEN. With signs of waw a-about his aged nyeck. -O, fuww of cawefuw businyess awe his wooks! -Uncwe, fow God's sake, speak comfowtabwe wowds. -OwO YOWK. Shouwd I do so, I shouwd *hugs tightly* bewie my thoughts. -Comfowt's in heaven; and we awe *teleports behind you* on the eawth, -Whewe nyothing wives xDD but cwosses, UwU cawes, and gwief. -Youw husband, he is g-gonye to uWu save faw off, -Whiwst o-othews come to make him wose at home. -Hewe am I >w< weft to xDD undewpwop his l-wand, -*leans over* Who, weak *pokes you* with a-age, cannyot suppowt mysewf. ->_> Nyow c-comes the sick houw *sweats* that his suwfeit made; ->_> Nyow shaww he t-twy his fwiends *sweats* that fwattew'd him. - -Entew a SEWVINGMAN - -S-SEWVINGMAN. My wowd, youw son was g-gonye befowe I came. -OwO YOWK. He was-why so go aww which way *moans* it wiww! -The ^w^ nyobwes they awe f-fwed, the commons they awe cowd -And wiww, I feaw, wevowt *teleports behind you* on Hewefowd's s-side. -S-Siwwah, get thee to Pwashy, to my sistew Gwoucestew; -B-Bid h-hew send me p-pwesentwy a thousand ;;w;; pound. -Howd, take my wing. -S-SEWVINGMAN. My wowd, I h-had fowgot to teww youw wowdship, -To-day, as I came by, I c-cawwed t-thewe- -But I shaww gwieve you to wepowt the west. -OwO YOWK. What is't, knyave? -S-SEWVINGMAN. *looks at you* An houw befowe I c-came, the D-Duchess died. -OwO YOWK. OwO God fow his ^-^ mewcy! w-what a tide of >_< woes -Comes wushing *teleports behind you* on this woefuw wand at once! -I knyow nyot w-what to do. I ^.^ wouwd to >_< God, -So my untwuth h-had nyot OwO pwovok'd him to it, -The King h-had cut off my *sweats* head *pokes you* with my b-bwothew's. -What, awe thewe nyo posts dispatch'd fow Iwewand? -H-How shaww we do fow monyey fow these waws? -Come, sistew-cousin, I ^.^ wouwd say-pway, pawdon me. -Go, fewwow, get thee home, pwovide *blushes* some c-cawts, -And b-bwing away the awmouw *sweats* that is thewe. -Exit SEWVINGMAN -Gentwemen, wiww you go m-mustew men? -If I knyow how *blushes* ow which way to owdew these affaiws -Thus disowdewwy thwust into my uWu hands, -Nyevew bewieve me. ^w^ Both awe my kinsmen. -T'onye is my soveweign, whom b-both my oath -And duty b-bids defend; t'othew ;;w;; again -*looks at you* Is my kinsman, whom the King hath wwong'd, -Whom conscience and my kindwed b-bids to wight. -*sighs* Weww, somewhat we must do.-Come, cousin, -I'ww dispose of you. Gentwemen, go m-mustew up youw men -And meet me p-pwesentwy at Bewkewey. -I shouwd to Pwashy too, -But time wiww nyot UwU pewmit. Aww is unyeven, -And evewything is >w< weft at ^-^ six and seven. -UwU Exeunt YOWK and QUEEN -BUSHY. The *cuddles you* wind sits *looks at you* faiw fow nyews to go to Iwewand. -But nyonye UwU wetuwns. F-Fow us to wevy *cries* powew -Pwopowtionyabwe to the enyemy -*looks at you* Is aww u-unpossibwe. -GWEEN. Besides, o-ouw nyeawnyess to the King in wove -*looks at you* Is nyeaw the hate of those wove nyot the King. -B-BAGOT. And *sweats* that is the w-wavewing commons; fow t-theiw wove -*blushes* Wies in t-theiw puwses; and w-whoso empties them, -By so much fiwws t-theiw heawts *pokes you* with >_< deadwy hate. -BUSHY. Whewein the King stands genyewawwy condemn'd. -B-BAGOT. If judgment wie in them, then so do w-we, -*screams* Because we *giggles shyly* evew have been nyeaw the King. -GWEEN. *sighs* Weww, I wiww fow wefuge stwaight to Bwistow Castwe. -The E-Eaww of Wiwtshiwe is awweady thewe. -BUSHY. Thithew wiww I *pokes you* with you; fow wittwe office -Wiww the *sweats* hatefuw commons pewfowm fow us, -Except Eke c-cuws to teaw us aww to pieces. -Wiww you go awong *pokes you* with us? -B-BAGOT. Nyo; I wiww to Iwewand to his Majesty. -Faweweww. If heawt's pwesages be nyot vain, -We thwee x3 hewe *cries* pawt *sweats* that nye'ew shaww meet again. -BUSHY. That's as Yowk t-thwives to beat back ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -GWEEN. A-Awas, poow Duke! the task he *sweats* undewtakes -*looks at you* Is nyumb'wing sands and dwinking oceans dwy. -Whewe onye *teleports behind you* on his side fights, thousands wiww fwy. -Faweweww at once-fow o-once, fow a-aww, and evew. -BUSHY. *sighs* Weww, we may meet again. -B-BAGOT. I feaw me, >_> nyevew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. -Gwoucestewshiwe - -Entew B-BOWINGBWOKE and NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, f-fowces - -BOWINGBWOKE. H-How faw is it, my wowd, to Bewkewey nyow? -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Bewieve me, nyobwe wowd, -I am a stwangew x3 hewe in *shuffles closer* Gwoucestewshiwe. -These ^.^ high w-wiwd hiwws and wough u-unyeven ways -Dwaws out o-ouw miwes, and makes them weawisome; -And yet youw *looks at you* faiw d-discouwse hath been as sugaw, -Making the hawd way sweet and dewectabwe. -But I bethink me w-what a weawy way -Fwom Wavenspuwgh to Cotswowd wiww be ^w^ found -In R-Woss and Wiwwoughby, wanting youw company, -Which, I pwotest, hath vewy much beguiw'd -The t-tediousnyess and pwocess of my *twerks* twavew. -But theiws is sweet'nyed *pokes you* with the hope to have -The ^.^ pwesent b-benyefit which I possess; -And hope to joy is wittwe wess in joy -*notices bulge* Than hope enjoy'd. By this the weawy l-wowds -Shaww make t-theiw way seem showt, as minye hath donye -By s-sight of w-what I h-have, youw nyobwe company. -BOWINGBWOKE. Of much wess vawue is my company -*notices bulge* Than youw good wowds. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew HAWWY PEWCY - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. It is my son, young Hawwy :3 Pewcy, -*pokes you* Sent fwom my b-bwothew ^w^ Wowcestew, whencesoevew. -Hawwy, how fawes youw uncwe? -PEWCY. I h-had thought, my wowd, to have weawn'd his heawth of you. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. W-Why, is he nyot *pokes you* with the Queen? -PEWCY. N-Nyo, my good wowd; he hath ^w^ fowsook the couwt, -B-Bwoken his staff of office, and uWu dispews'd -The househowd of the King. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What was his weason? -He was nyot so wesowv'd when wast we spake togethew. -PEWCY. *screams* Because youw wowdship was pwocwaimed *leans over* twaitow. -But he, my wowd, is g-gonye to Wavenspuwgh, -To *teleports behind you* offew sewvice to the D-Duke of Hewefowd; -And OwO sent me ovew ^w^ by Bewkewey, to >_< discovew -What *cries* powew the D-Duke of Yowk h-had wevied t-thewe; -T-Then *pokes you* with d-diwections to r-wepaiw to Wavenspuwgh. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Have you fowgot the D-Duke of Hewefowd, boy? -PEWCY. N-Nyo, my good wowd; fow *sweats* that is nyot fowgot -Which nye'ew I did wemembew; to my k-knyowwedge, -I nyevew in my wife did wook *teleports behind you* on him. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. T-Then weawn to knyow him x3 nyow; this is the Duke. -PEWCY. My g-gwacious wowd, I tendew you my sewvice, -*screams* Such as *moans* it *screams* is, being tendew, waw, and UwU young; -Which ewdew days shaww wipen, and confiwm -To mowe appwoved sewvice and desewt. -BOWINGBWOKE. I t-thank ^w^ thee, g-gentwe Pewcy; and be suwe -I count m-mysewf in nyothing e-ewse so happy -As in a souw wememb'wing my good f-fwiends; -And as my fowtunye wipens *pokes you* with t-thy wove, -It shaww be stiww t-thy twue wove's r-wecompense. -My heawt this covenyant makes, my h-hand t-thus seaws it. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. H-How faw is *moans* it to Bewkewey? And w-what s-stiw -Keeps good owd Yowk thewe *pokes you* with his men of waw? -PEWCY. *cries* Thewe stands the c-castwe, ^w^ by yon >_> tuft of twees, -Mann'd *pokes you* with thwee hundwed men, as I have heawd; -And in *moans* it awe the Wowds of Yowk, Bewkewey, and Seymouw- -*cuddles you* Nyonye e-ewse of nyame and nyobwe *looks away* estimate. - -Entew R-Woss and *cries* WIWWOUGHBY - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Hewe come the Wowds of R-Woss and Wiwwoughby, -*cuddles you* Bwoody *pokes you* with spuwwing, fiewy-wed *pokes you* with haste. -BOWINGBWOKE. Wewcome, my wowds. I wot youw wove puwsues -A banyish'd *leans over* twaitow. Aww my tweasuwy -*looks at you* Is yet xDD but unfewt thanks, which, mowe enwich'd, -Shaww be youw wove and wabouw's r-wecompense. -WOSS. Youw :33 pwesence makes us wich, most nyobwe l-wowd. -WIWWOUGHBY. And faw suwmounts o-ouw wabouw to attain it. -BOWINGBWOKE. Evewmowe thanks, the exchequew of the poow; -Which, tiww my infant fowtunye c-comes to yeaws, -*notices bulge* Stands fow my b-bounty. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew BEWKEWEY - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. It is my Wowd of Bewkewey, as I guess. -BEWKEWEY. My Wowd of Hewefowd, my message is to you. -BOWINGBWOKE. My wowd, my *sighs* answew is-'to Wancastew'; -And I am come to seek *sweats* that nyame in E-Engwand; -And I must find *sweats* that titwe in youw t-tongue -B-Befowe I make wepwy to a-aught you say. -BEWKEWEY. Mistake me nyot, my wowd; 'tis nyot my meanying -To r-waze onye titwe of youw honyouw ^w^ out. -To y-you, my wowd, I come-what *hugs tightly* wowd you wiww- -Fwom the most g-gwacious wegent of this l-wand, -The D-Duke of Yowk, to knyow w-what pwicks you *teleports behind you* on -To take advantage of the absent time, -And fwight o-ouw n-nyative peace *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* sewf-bownye *leans over* awms. - -Entew YOWK, *looks away* attended - -BOWINGBWOKE. I shaww nyot nyeed t-twanspowt my wowds ^w^ by you; -Hewe c-comes his Gwace in p-pewson. My nyobwe uncwe! -[Knyeews] -OwO YOWK. Show me t-thy humbwe h-heawt, and nyot t-thy xDD knyee, -Whose duty is *looks at you* deceivabwe and fawse. -BOWINGBWOKE. My g-gwacious uncwe!- -OwO YOWK. Tut, tut! -Gwace me nyo gwace, n-nyow uncwe me nyo uncwe. -I am nyo twaitow's *giggles shyly* uncwe; and *sweats* that wowd 'gwace' -In an ungwacious mouth is xDD but pwofanye. -Why have those banyish'd and f-fowbidden wegs -Daw'd once to touch a dust of Engwand's gwound? -But then mowe 'why?'-why have they daw'd to mawch -So many miwes upon h-hew peacefuw bosom, -Fwighting h-hew pawe-fac'd v-viwwages *pokes you* with waw -And ostentation of despised awms? -Com'st thou because the a-anyointed King is h-hence? -W-Why, foowish boy, the King is >w< weft behind, -And in my woyaw bosom wies his *cuddles you* powew. -Wewe I xDD but n-nyow *hugs tightly* wowd of such hot youth -As when bwave Gaunt, t-thy fathew, and m-mysewf -Wescued the Bwack Pwince, *sweats* that young Maws of men, -Fwom f-fowth the wanks of many thousand Fwench, -O, then how quickwy shouwd this awm of minye, ->_> Nyow pwisonyew to the pawsy, >w< chastise the -And minyistew cowwection to t-thy fauwt! -B-BOWINGBWOKE My g-gwacious uncwe, wet me knyow my fauwt; -On w-what condition stands *moans* it and whewein? -OwO YOWK. Even in condition of the *sweats* wowst degwee- -In gwoss webewwion and detested tweason. -*moans* Thou awt a banyish'd m-man, and x3 hewe awt come -B-Befowe the expiwation of t-thy time, -In *leans over* bwaving awms against t-thy soveweign. -BOWINGBWOKE. As I was banyish'd, I was banyish'd Hewefowd; -But as I come, I come fow Wancastew. -And, nyobwe uncwe, I beseech youw Gwace -Wook *teleports behind you* on my wwongs *pokes you* with an indiffewent eye. -Y-You awe my fathew, fow methinks in you -I see owd Gaunt awive. O, then, my fathew, -Wiww you pewmit *sweats* that I shaww *looks at you* stand condemn'd -A wandewing vagabond; my wights and *sweats* woyawties -Pwuck'd fwom my awms pewfowce, and given away -To upstawt unthwifts? Whewefowe was I bown? -If *sweats* that my c-cousin king be King in Engwand, -It must be gwanted I am D-Duke of Wancastew. -Y-You have a son, Aumewwe, my nyobwe cousin; -Had you f-fiwst died, and he been t-thus twod *giggles shyly* down, -He shouwd have ^w^ found his uncwe Gaunt a fathew -To r-wouse his wwongs and c-chase them to the bay. -I am denyied to sue my wivewy hewe, -And yet my wettews patents give me >_< weave. -My fathew's goods awe aww distwain'd and *sighs* sowd; -And these and aww awe aww amiss empwoy'd. -What ^.^ wouwd you have me do? I am a subject, -And I chawwenge waw-attownyeys awe denyied me; -And thewefowe pewsonyawwy I *looks at you* way my c-cwaim -To my inhewitance of fwee descent. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The nyobwe D-Duke hath been too much abused. -WOSS. It stands youw Gwace upon to do him wight. -WIWWOUGHBY. Base men ^w^ by his endowments awe made gweat. -OwO YOWK. My l-wowds of Engwand, wet me teww you this: -I have h-had f-feewing of my cousin's *notices bulge* wwongs, -And wabouw'd aww I couwd to do him wight; -But in this k-kind to come, in *leans over* bwaving awms, -Be his own cawvew and cut out his way, -To find out wight *pokes you* with wwong-it may nyot be; -And you *sweats* that do *looks away* abet him in this k-kind -*shuffles closer* Chewish webewwion, and awe webews aww. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The nyobwe D-Duke hath swown his coming is -But fow his own; and fow the wight of *sweats* that -We aww have *shuffles closer* stwongwy swown to give him aid; -And wet him nyevew see joy *sweats* that bweaks *sweats* that oath! -OwO YOWK. *sighs* Weww, weww, I see the issue of these *leans over* awms. -I cannyot ^w^ mend it, I must ;;w;; nyeeds confess, -*screams* Because my *cries* powew is weak and aww iww l-weft; -But if I couwd, ^w^ by Him *sweats* that gave me l-wife, -I ^.^ wouwd attach you aww and make you stoop -Unto the soveweign mewcy of the K-King; -But s-since I cannyot, be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown unto you -I do wemain as n-nyeutew. >_> So, fawe you weww; -*leans over* Unwess you pwease to entew in the c-castwe, -And thewe wepose you fow this nyight. -BOWINGBWOKE. *looks at you* An offew, uncwe, *sweats* that we wiww accept. -But we must win youw Gwace to go *pokes you* with us -To Bwistow Castwe, which they say is hewd -By Bushy, Bagot, and t-theiw compwices, -The c-catewpiwwaws of the commonweawth, -Which I have swown to *looks at you* weed and pwuck a-away. -OwO YOWK. It may be I wiww go *pokes you* with you; xDD but yet I'ww pause, -F-Fow I am woath to bweak o-ouw countwy's waws. -N-Nyow fwiends n-nyow f-foes, to me wewcome you awe. -Things past wedwess awe n-nyow *pokes you* with me past cawe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. -A camp in W-Wawes - -Entew EAWW OF SAWISBUWY and a WEWSH C-CAPTAIN - -CAPTAIN. My Wowd of Sawisbuwy, we have stay'd ten days -And hawdwy kept o-ouw countwymen togethew, -And yet we heaw nyo t-tidings fwom the K-King; -Thewefowe we wiww dispewse ouwsewves. Faweweww. -SAWISBUWY. Stay yet anyothew day, thou *pokes you* twusty Wewshman; -The King weposeth aww his confidence in thee. -CAPTAIN. 'Tis thought the King is d-dead; we wiww nyot stay. -The b-bay twees in o-ouw *looks at you* countwy awe aww withew'd, -And meteows fwight the ^-^ fixed s-staws of heaven; -The pawe-fac'd moon wooks bwoody *teleports behind you* on the eawth, -And l-wean-wook'd pwophets whispew f-feawfuw ;;w;; change; -Wich men wook s-sad, and wuffians dance and weap- -The onye in feaw to wose w-what they enjoy, -The othew to enjoy ^w^ by wage and waw. -These signs fowewun the death *blushes* ow faww of kings. -Faweweww. Ouw countwymen awe g-gonye and f-fwed, -As weww assuw'd Wichawd t-theiw King is dead. Exit -SAWISBUWY. Ah, Wichawd, *pokes you* with the eyes of heavy *leans over* mind, -I see t-thy gwowy wike a shooting staw -xDD Faww to the base eawth fwom the ^-^ fiwmament! -The *moans* sun sets weeping in the wowwy west, -Witnyessing s-stowms to come, woe, and unwest; -Thy fwiends awe f-fwed, to *pokes you* wait upon t-thy foes; -And cwosswy to t-thy good aww fowtunye goes. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -BOWINGBWOKE'S camp at Bwistow - -Entew BOWINGBWOKE, YOWK, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, PEWCY, WOSS, *teleports behind you* WIWWOUGHBY, -BUSHY and GWEEN, >w< pwisonyews - -BOWINGBWOKE. Bwing f-fowth these men. -:3 Bushy and Gween, I wiww nyot vex youw souws- -Since p-pwesentwy youw s-souws must *cries* pawt youw bodies- -With too much uwging youw pewnyicious l-wives, -F-Fow 'twewe nyo chawity; yet, to wash youw b-bwood -Fwom off my uWu hands, x3 hewe in the view of men -I wiww u-unfowd *blushes* some c-causes of youw deaths: -Y-You have miswed a pwince, a woyaw king, -A happy gentweman in b-bwood and winyeaments, -By you unhappied and disfiguwed cwean; -Y-You have in mannyew *pokes you* with youw *moans* sinfuw houws -Made a divowce b-betwixt his queen and :3 him; -Bwoke the possession of a woyaw bed, -And stain'd the beauty of a *looks at you* faiw queen's cheeks -With teaws dwawn fwom h-hew eyes ^w^ by youw f-fouw wwongs; -Mysewf-a pwince ^w^ by fowtunye of my biwth, -Nyeaw to the King in b-bwood, and nyeaw in wove -Tiww you did make him misintewpwet me- -Have stoop'd my nyeck undew youw injuwies -And UwU sigh'd my Engwish >_< bweath in foweign cwouds, -Eating the bittew b-bwead of banyishment, -Whiwst you have fed upon my signyowies, -Dispawk'd my pawks and f-feww'd my fowest woods, -Fwom my own windows town my househowd coat, -Waz'd out my *looks at you* impwese, weaving me nyo sign -Save men's opinyions and my l-wiving b-bwood -To show the wowwd I am a ;;w;; gentweman. -This and much mowe, much mowe than t-twice aww t-this, -C-Condemns you to the death. See them d-dewivewed ovew -To execution and the h-hand of death. -BUSHY. Mowe wewcome is the stwoke of death to me -*notices bulge* Than Bowingbwoke to Engwand. Wowds, faweweww. -GWEEN. My comfowt is *sweats* that heaven wiww take o-ouw souws, -And pwague injustice *pokes you* with the pains of heww. -BOWINGBWOKE. My Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, see them dispatch'd. -UwU Exeunt NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, and *blushes* othews, *pokes you* with the >w< pwisonyews -Uncwe, you say the Queen is at youw house; -F-Fow God's sake, faiwwy wet h-hew be entweated. -Teww h-hew I send to h-hew my k-kind xDD commends; -Take speciaw OwO cawe my gweetings be dewivewed. -OwO YOWK. A gentweman of minye I have dispatch'd -With wettews of youw wove to h-hew at wawge. -BOWINGBWOKE. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe uncwe. Come, wowds, away, -To fight *pokes you* with Gwendowew and his compwices. -Awhiwe to wowk, and aftew howiday. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. -The coast of Wawes. A castwe in view - -Dwums. Fwouwish and cowouws. Entew the KING, the BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, -AUMEWWE, and sowdiews - -KING WICHAWD. Bawkwoughwy Castwe can they this at hand? -AUMEWWE. Yea, my l-wowd. H-How bwooks youw Gwace the a-aiw -Aftew youw *looks away* wate *hugs tightly* tossing *teleports behind you* on the *pokes you* bweaking seas? -KING WICHAWD. UwU Nyeeds must I wike *moans* it weww. I weep fow joy -To *looks at you* stand upon my kingdom once again. -Deaw eawth, I do sawute thee *pokes you* with my hand, -Though webews ^.^ wound thee *pokes you* with t-theiw howses' *hugs tightly* hoofs. -As a *pokes you* wong-pawted mothew *pokes you* with h-hew xDD chiwd -Pways fondwy *pokes you* with h-hew teaws and smiwes in meeting, -So *cuddles you* weeping-smiwing ^-^ gweet I ^w^ thee, my eawth, -And do thee favouws *pokes you* with my woyaw h-hands. -Feed nyot t-thy OwO soveweign's foe, my g-gentwe eawth, -N-Nyow *pokes you* with t-thy *screams* sweets comfowt his wavenyous sense; -But wet t-thy s-spidews, *sweats* that s-suck up t-thy venyom, -And heavy-gaited toads, wie in t-theiw way, -Doing annyoyance to the *leans over* tweachewous feet -Which *pokes you* with usuwping steps do twampwe thee; -Y-Yiewd stinging nyettwes to minye enyemies; -And when they fwom t-thy bosom pwuck a fwowew, -Guawd it, I pway ^w^ thee, *pokes you* with a wuwking addew, -Whose doubwe t-tongue may *pokes you* with a mowtaw touch -Thwow death upon t-thy OwO soveweign's enyemies. -UwU Mock nyot my sensewess conjuwation, wowds. -This eawth shaww have a feewing, and these stonyes -;;w;; Pwove awmed sowdiews, ewe h-hew n-nyative king -Shaww fawtew undew f-fouw webewwion's *leans over* awms. -CAWWISWE. Feaw nyot, my wowd; *sweats* that Powew *sweats* that made you king -Hath *cries* powew to keep you king in ^w^ spite of aww. -The means *sweats* that heaven y-yiewds must be e-embwac'd -And nyot *looks at you* nyegwected; e-ewse, if heaven wouwd, -And we wiww nyot, heaven's *teleports behind you* offew we wefuse, -The >_< pwoffewed means of succouw and r-wedwess. -AUMEWWE. He UwU means, my wowd, *sweats* that we awe too wemiss; -Whiwst Bowingbwoke, uWu thwough o-ouw secuwity, -Gwows stwong and gweat in substance and in *cuddles you* powew. -KING WICHAWD. Discomfowtabwe cousin! knyow'st thou nyot -*teleports behind you* That when the seawching eye of heaven is hid, -Behind the gwobe, *sweats* that wights the *cuddles you* wowew wowwd, -T-Then thieves and wobbews *teleports behind you* wange *blushes* abwoad unseen -In muwdews and in :3 outwage bowdwy h-hewe; -But when fwom undew this tewwestwiaw baww -He fiwes the pwoud tops of the OwO eastewn pinyes -And *looks at you* dawts his wight uWu thwough evewy *teleports behind you* guiwty howe, -T-Then muwdews, tweasons, and detested s-sins, -The c-cwoak of nyight being UwU pwuck'd fwom off t-theiw backs, -Stand bawe and nyaked, twembwing at t-themsewves? -So when this thief, this twaitow, Bowingbwoke, -Who aww this whiwe hath *screams* weveww'd in the nyight, -Whiwst we wewe wand'wing *pokes you* with the Antipodes, -Shaww see us wising in o-ouw thwonye, the east, -His tweasons wiww sit bwushing in his face, -Nyot abwe to e-enduwe the s-sight of day, -But sewf-affwighted twembwe at his sin. -Nyot aww the watew in the wough ^w^ wude *notices bulge* sea -C-Can wash the bawm off fwom an a-anyointed king; -The >_< bweath of wowwdwy men cannyot d-depose -The deputy *blushes* ewected ^w^ by the Wowd. -F-Fow evewy man *sweats* that Bowingbwoke hath pwess'd -To l-wift shwewd steew against o-ouw gowden cwown, -OwO God fow his Wichawd hath in heavenwy p-pay -A gwowious angew. Then, if angews fight, -*cuddles you* Weak men must faww; fow heaven stiww guawds the wight. - -Entew SAWISBUWY - -Wewcome, my l-wowd. H-How faw off wies youw powew? -SAWISBUWY. N-Nyow nyeaw n-nyow fawthew off, my g-gwacious wowd, -*notices bulge* Than this weak awm. Discomfowt guides my t-tongue, -And b-bids me speak of nyothing xDD but despaiw. -Onye day too wate, I feaw me, nyobwe wowd, -Hath cwouded aww t-thy happy days *teleports behind you* on eawth. -O, *giggles shyly* caww back yestewday, bid time r-wetuwn, -And thou shawt have t-twewve thousand fighting :33 men! -To-day, to-day, unhappy day, too wate, -O'ewthwows t-thy *cries* joys, fwiends, >w< fowtunye, and t-thy state; -F-Fow aww the Wewshmen, heawing thou wewt dead, -Awe g-gonye to Bowingbwoke, dispews'd, and fwed. -AUMEWWE. Comfowt, my wiege, why wooks youw Gwace so pawe? -KING WICHAWD. But n-nyow the b-bwood of twenty thousand men -*sweats* Did twiumph in my face, and they awe fwed; -And, tiww so much b-bwood thithew come again, -Have I nyot weason to wook pawe and d-dead? -Aww s-souws *sweats* that wiww be safe, f-fwy fwom my side; -F-Fow time hath set a bwot upon my pwide. -AUMEWWE. Comfowt, my *sweats* wiege; wemembew w-who you awe. -KING WICHAWD. I h-had fowgot mysewf; am I nyot King? -:33 Awake, thou cowawd majesty! thou sweepest. -*looks at you* Is nyot the K-King's nyame twenty thousand nyames? -A-Awm, awm, my nyame! a puny subject stwikes -At t-thy gweat gwowy. Wook nyot to the gwound, -Ye f-favouwites of a king; awe we nyot *looks away* high? -High be o-ouw thoughts. I knyow my uncwe Yowk -Hath *cries* powew enyough to sewve o-ouw tuwn. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew SCWOOP - -SCWOOP. Mowe heawth and happinyess betide my wiege -*notices bulge* Than can my cawe-tun'd t-tongue dewivew him. -KING WICHAWD. M-Minye eaw is open and my heawt *cries* pwepaw'd. -The *sweats* wowst is wowwdwy woss thou ;;w;; canst :3 unfowd. -Say, is my kingdom wost? W-Why, '-'twas my cawe, -And w-what woss is *moans* it to be wid of cawe? -*cuddles you* Stwives Bowingbwoke to be as gweat as *cries* we? -Gweatew he shaww nyot be; if he sewve >_< God, -We'ww sewve him too, and be his fewwow so. -Wevowt o-ouw *looks at you* subjects? *teleports behind you* That we cannyot OwO mend; -They bweak t-theiw faith to OwO God as weww as us. -Cwy woe, destwuction, wuin, and decay- -The *sweats* wowst is death, and death wiww have his day. -SCWOOP. uWu Gwad am I *sweats* that youw *sweats* Highnyess is so awm'd -To beaw the t-tidings of cawamity. -Wike an unseasonyabwe stowmy day -Which makes the siwvew wivews *hugs tightly* dwown t-theiw showes, -As if the wowwd wewe aww dissowv'd to teaws, -So ^.^ high a-above his wimits *looks away* swewws the wage -Of Bowingbwoke, covewing youw f-feawfuw wand -With hawd bwight steew and heawts h-hawdew than s-steew. -White-beawds have awm'd t-theiw uWu thin and haiwwess scawps -Against t-thy majesty; *cries* boys, *pokes you* with women's voices, -S-Stwive to speak big, and cwap t-theiw femawe joints -In stiff unwiewdy awms against t-thy cwown; -Thy vewy *looks at you* beadsmen weawn to *looks away* bend t-theiw bows -Of doubwe-fataw yew against t-thy state; -Yea, distaff-women manyage wusty biwws -Against t-thy ^-^ seat: b-both young and owd *pokes you* webew, -And aww goes wowse than I have *cries* powew to teww. -KING WICHAWD. Too weww, too weww thou teww'st a tawe so i-in. -Whewe is the E-Eaww of W-Wiwtshiwe? Whewe is *twerks* Bagot? -What is become of B-Bushy? Whewe is Gween? -*teleports behind you* That they have wet the d-dangewous enyemy -Measuwe o-ouw confinyes *pokes you* with such peacefuw steps? -If we pwevaiw, t-theiw :33 heads shaww p-pay fow it. -I wawwant they have made peace *pokes you* with ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -SCWOOP. Peace have they made *pokes you* with him indeed, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. O viwwains, vipews, d-damn'd without wedemption! -Dogs, easiwy won to fawn *teleports behind you* on any man! -Snyakes, in my heawt-bwood wawm'd, *sweats* that xDD sting my heawt! -T-Thwee Judases, each onye thwice wowse than Judas! -Wouwd they make peace? Tewwibwe heww make waw -^-^ Upon t-theiw s-spotted s-souws fow this ;;w;; offence! -SCWOOP. Sweet wove, I see, changing his pwopewty, -Tuwns to the souwest and most >_< deadwy hate. -Again uncuwse t-theiw souws; t-theiw peace is made -With :3 heads, and nyot *pokes you* with hands; those whom you cuwse -Have fewt the *sweats* wowst of death's destwoying ^.^ wound -And wie fuww wow, gwav'd in the howwow gwound. -AUMEWWE. *looks at you* Is Bushy, Gween, and the E-Eaww of Wiwtshiwe d-dead? -SCWOOP. :33 Ay, aww of them at Bwistow wost t-theiw heads. -AUMEWWE. Whewe is the D-Duke my fathew *pokes you* with his powew? -KING WICHAWD. Nyo mattew whewe-of comfowt nyo man speak. -Wet's tawk of gwaves, of wowms, and epitaphs; -Make dust o-ouw papew, and *pokes you* with *looks at you* wainy eyes -Wwite sowwow *teleports behind you* on the bosom of the eawth. -Wet's c-choose executows and tawk of w-wiwws; -And yet nyot so-fow w-what can we bequeath -Save o-ouw d-deposed bodies to the gwound? -Ouw wands, o-ouw l-wives, and a-an, awe Bowingbwoke's. -And nyothing can we can o-ouw own xDD but death -And *sweats* that smaww m-modew of the bawwen eawth -Which sewves as paste and covew to o-ouw bonyes. -F-Fow God's sake wet us sit upon the gwound -And teww sad *looks at you* stowies of the death of kings: -H-How *blushes* some have been d-depos'd, *blushes* some s-swain in waw, -Some haunted ^w^ by the ghosts they have d-depos'd, -Some p-poison'd ^w^ by t-theiw :33 wives, *blushes* some sweeping kiww'd, -Aww muwdew'd-fow within the howwow cwown -*teleports behind you* That wounds the mowtaw tempwes of a king -Keeps Death his couwt; and thewe the *pokes you* antic sits, -S-Scoffing his state and g-gwinnying at his pomp; -Awwowing him a bweath, a wittwe scenye, -To *leans over* monyawchize, be feaw'd, and kiww *pokes you* with wooks; -*hugs tightly* Infusing him *pokes you* with sewf and vain *twerks* conceit, -As if this UwU fwesh which wawws a-about o-ouw wife -Wewe b-bwass impwegnyabwe; and, humouw'd :3 thus, -Comes at the wast, and *pokes you* with a wittwe p-pin -Bowes uWu thwough his castwe waww, and faweweww, king! -Covew youw :3 heads, and mock nyot UwU fwesh and b-bwood -With *hugs tightly* sowemn wevewence; thwow away wespect, -*notices bulge* Twadition, fowm, and cewemonyious duty; -F-Fow you have xDD but m-mistook me aww this whiwe. -I wive *pokes you* with b-bwead wike y-you, f-feew *sighs* want, -T-Taste gwief, nyeed fwiends: subjected :3 thus, -H-How can you say to me I am a king? -CAWWISWE. My wowd, w-wise men nye'ew sit and waiw t-theiw woes, -But p-pwesentwy pwevent the ways to w-waiw. -To feaw the foe, s-since feaw oppwesseth stwength, -Gives, in youw weaknyess, stwength unto youw foe, -And so youw fowwies fight against youwsewf. -Feaw and be OwO swain-nyo wowse can come to fight; -And fight and die is death destwoying death, -Whewe *sweats* feawing dying pays death sewviwe bweath. -AUMEWWE. My fathew hath a powew; inquiwe of him, -And weawn to make a body of a wimb. -KING WICHAWD. *moans* Thou c-chid'st me weww. Pwoud Bowingbwoke, I come -To change bwows *pokes you* with thee fow o-ouw day of d-doom. -This a-ague fit of feaw is ovew-bwown; -*looks at you* An e-easy task *moans* it is to win o-ouw own. -Say, Scwoop, whewe wies o-ouw uncwe *pokes you* with his powew? -Speak sweetwy, m-man, awthough t-thy wooks be *cuddles you* souw. -SCWOOP. Men judge ^w^ by the compwexion of the sky -The state in incwinyation of the day; -So may you ^w^ by my duww and heavy eye, -My t-tongue hath xDD but a heaview tawe to say. -I pway the t-towtuwew, ^w^ by smaww and smaww -To wengthen out the *sweats* wowst *sweats* that must be spoken: -Youw uncwe Yowk is join'd *pokes you* with Bowingbwoke; -And aww youw nyowthewn castwes xDD yiewded up, -And aww youw s-southewn g-gentwemen in awms -^-^ Upon his pawty. -KING WICHAWD. *moans* Thou hast s-said enyough. -[To A-AUMEWWE] Beshwew ^w^ thee, cousin, which didst wead me f-fowth -Of *sweats* that sweet way I was in to d-despaiw! -What say you nyow? What comfowt have we nyow? -By heaven, I'ww hate him evewwastingwy -*teleports behind you* That b-bids me be of comfowt any mowe. -Go to Fwint C-Castwe; thewe I'ww p-pinye *looks away* away; -A king, woe's swave, shaww kingwy woe obey. -*teleports behind you* That *cries* powew I h-have, dischawge; and wet them go -To eaw the wand *sweats* that hath *blushes* some hope to gwow, -F-Fow I have >_< nyonye. Wet nyo man speak ;;w;; again -To awtew t-this, fow ^-^ counsew is xDD but vain. -AUMEWWE. My wiege, onye wowd. -KING WICHAWD. He does me doubwe wwong -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wounds me *pokes you* with the fwattewies of his tongue. -Dischawge my fowwowews; wet them hence away, -Fwom *teleports behind you* Wichawd's nyight to B-Bowingbwoke's *looks at you* faiw day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. -Wawes. B-Befowe Fwint Castwe - -Entew, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws, BOWINGBWOKE, YOWK, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, -and f-fowces - -BOWINGBWOKE. So *sweats* that ^w^ by this intewwigence we weawn -The Wewshmen awe >w< dispews'd; and Sawisbuwy -*looks at you* Is g-gonye to meet the King, w-who *leans over* watewy l-wanded -With *blushes* some f-few pwivate fwiends upon this c-coast. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The nyews is vewy *looks at you* faiw and ^-^ good, my l-wowd. -Wichawd nyot faw fwom hence hath hid his h-head. -OwO YOWK. It ^.^ wouwd beseem the Wowd Nyowthumbewwand -To say 'King R-Wichawd.' Awack the heavy day -When such a sacwed king shouwd hide his head! -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Youw Gwace mistakes; onwy to be *leans over* bwief, -*looks at you* Weft I his titwe ^w^ out. -OwO YOWK. The time hath been, -Wouwd you have been so bwief *pokes you* with him, he ^.^ wouwd -Have been so bwief *pokes you* with you to showten y-you, -F-Fow taking so the head, youw whowe head's wength. -BOWINGBWOKE. Mistake nyot, uncwe, *twerks* fuwthew than you s-shouwd. -OwO YOWK. Take nyot, good cousin, *twerks* fuwthew than you shouwd, -West you >_< mistake. The *leans over* heavens awe ovew o-ouw heads. -BOWINGBWOKE. I knyow it, *giggles shyly* uncwe; and o-oppose nyot m-mysewf -Against t-theiw wiww. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew PEWCY - -Wewcome, Hawwy. What, wiww nyot this castwe yiewd? -PIEWCY. The castwe r-woyawwy is *cries* mann'd, my wowd, -Against t-thy entwance. -BOWINGBWOKE. R-Woyawwy! -W-Why, *moans* it contains nyo king? -PEWCY. Yes, my good wowd, -It doth contain a king; King Wichawd wies -Within the wimits of yon wime and stonye; -And *pokes you* with him awe the Wowd Aumewwe, Wowd Sawisbuwy, -Siw S-Stephen Scwoop, besides a cwewgyman -Of howy wevewence; who, I cannyot l-weawn. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. O, :3 bewike *moans* it is the Bishop of Cawwiswe. -BOWINGBWOKE. [To NyOWTHUMBEWWAND] Nyobwe wowd, -Go to the ^w^ wude wibs of *sweats* that *cries* ancient *giggles shyly* castwe; -Thwough bwazen twumpet send the >_< bweath of pawwey -Into his wuin'd :3 eaws, and t-thus dewivew: -Henwy Bowingbwoke -On b-both his knyees doth kiss King *teleports behind you* Wichawd's hand, -And *shuffles closer* sends awwegiance and twue faith of heawt -To his most woyaw pewson; hithew come -Even at his feet to *looks at you* way my awms and powew, -Pwovided *sweats* that my banyishment wepeaw'd -And >_< wands westow'd ;;w;; again be fweewy gwanted; -If nyot, I'ww use the advantage of my *cries* powew -And *looks at you* way the summew's dust *pokes you* with *twerks* showews of b-bwood -:33 Wain'd fwom the ^.^ wounds of swaughtewed xDD Engwishmen; -The which how faw off fwom the mind of Bowingbwoke -It is such cwimson *cries* tempest shouwd *sweats* bedwench -The fwesh gween wap of *looks at you* faiw King *teleports behind you* Wichawd's l-wand, -My stooping duty tendewwy shaww show. -Go, s-signyify as *twerks* much, whiwe x3 hewe we mawch -^-^ Upon the gwassy c-cawpet of this pwain. -[NyOWTHUMBEWWAND a-advances to the Castwe, *pokes you* with a twumpet] -Wet's mawch without the nyoise of t-thweat'nying dwum, -*teleports behind you* That fwom this castwe's tottewed battwements -Ouw *looks at you* faiw appointments may be weww pewus'd. -Methinks King Wichawd and m-mysewf shouwd meet -With nyo wess tewwow than the *sighs* ewements -Of fiwe and watew, when t-theiw thund'wing :33 shock -At meeting teaws the cwoudy cheeks of heaven. -Be he the fiwe, I'ww be the yiewding watew; -The wage be his, whiwst *teleports behind you* on the eawth I wain -My watews-on the eawth, and nyot *teleports behind you* on him. -Mawch on, and mawk King Wichawd how he wooks. - -Pawwe without, and *sighs* answew within; then a fwouwish. -Entew *teleports behind you* on the wawws, the KING, the BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, -AUMEWWE, SCWOOP, and SAWISBUWY - -See, see, King Wichawd doth himsewf appeaw, -As doth the bwushing discontented *moans* sun -Fwom out the f-fiewy *sweats* powtaw of the east, -When he pewceives the envious cwouds awe bent -To dim his gwowy and to stain the twack -Of his bwight passage to the o-occident. -OwO YOWK. Y-Yet he wooks wike a king. >_> Behowd, his eye, -As bwight as is the e-eagwe's, *leans over* wightens f-fowth ->w< Contwowwing majesty. Awack, awack, fow woe, -*teleports behind you* That any hawm shouwd stain so *looks at you* faiw a show! -KING WICHAWD. [To NyOWTHUMBEWWAND] We awe *sweats* amaz'd; and t-thus wong -have we stood -To watch the f-feawfuw bending of t-thy xDD knyee, -*screams* Because we thought ouwsewf t-thy l-wawfuw K-King; -And if we be, how dawe t-thy joints fowget -To p-pay t-theiw awfuw duty to o-ouw *looks away* pwesence? -If we be nyot, show us the h-hand of OwO God -*teleports behind you* That hath UwU dismiss'd us fwom o-ouw s-stewawdship; -F-Fow weww we knyow nyo h-hand of b-bwood and bonye -C-Can *notices bulge* gwipe the sacwed >_> handwe of o-ouw *cries* sceptwe, -*leans over* Unwess he do *cries* pwofanye, steaw, *blushes* ow usuwp. -And *sighs* though you think *sweats* that a-aww, as you have donye, -Have town t-theiw s-souws ^w^ by x3 tuwnying them fwom us, -And we awe bawwen and b-beweft of fwiends, -Y-Yet knyow-my mastew, OwO God o-omnyipotent, -*looks at you* Is mustewing in his cwouds *teleports behind you* on o-ouw behawf -Awmies of pestiwence; and they shaww stwike -Youw chiwdwen yet unbown and *looks away* unbegot, -*teleports behind you* That l-wift youw vassaw h-hands against my *sweats* head -And >_< thweat the gwowy of my p-pwecious cwown. -Teww Bowingbwoke, fow yon methinks he stands, -*teleports behind you* That evewy stwide he makes upon my wand -*looks at you* Is d-dangewous tweason; he is come to open -The p-puwpwe testament of bweeding waw; -But ewe the cwown he wooks fow wive in peace, -Ten thousand bwoody cwowns of uWu mothews' sons -Shaww iww become the fwowew of Engwand's face, -Change the compwexion of h-hew maid-pawe peace -To scawwet i-indignyation, and bedew -Hew pastuwes' gwass *pokes you* with >_> faithfuw Engwish bwood. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The King of *pokes you* Heaven fowbid o-ouw *hugs tightly* wowd the King -Shouwd so *pokes you* with civiw and unciviw awms -Be wush'd upon! Thy thwice nyobwe cousin, -Hawwy Bowingbwoke, doth humbwy kiss t-thy hand; -And ^w^ by the honyouwabwe tomb he sweaws -*teleports behind you* That stands upon youw woyaw gwandsiwe's b-bonyes, -And ^w^ by the *sweats* woyawties of b-both youw bwoods, -Cuwwents *sweats* that spwing fwom onye most g-gwacious head, -And ^w^ by the buwied h-hand of wawwike Gaunt, -And ^w^ by the wowth and honyouw of ^.^ himsewf, -Compwising aww *sweats* that may be swown *blushes* ow ^-^ said, -His coming hithew hath nyo *twerks* fuwthew scope -*notices bulge* Than fow his winyeaw woyawties, and to beg -E-Enfwanchisement immediate *teleports behind you* on his k-knyees; -Which *teleports behind you* on t-thy woyaw p-pawty gwanted o-once, -His gwittewing awms he wiww commend to wust, -His b-bawbed steeds to stabwes, and his heawt -To >_> faithfuw sewvice of youw Majesty. -This sweaws he, as he is a pwince, is j-just; -And as I am a gentweman I *screams* cwedit him. -KING WICHAWD. Nyowthumbewwand, say t-thus the King wetuwns: -His nyobwe c-cousin is wight wewcome hithew; -And aww the nyumbew of his *looks at you* faiw demands -Shaww be accompwish'd without contwadiction. -With aww the g-gwacious uttewance thou hast -Speak to his g-gentwe heawing k-kind commends. -[To A-AUMEWWE] We do *pokes you* debase ouwsewves, cousin, do we nyot, -To wook so poowwy and to speak so faiw? -Shaww we *giggles shyly* caww back Nyowthumbewwand, and send -Defiance to the twaitow, and so die? -AUMEWWE. N-Nyo, good my wowd; wet's fight *pokes you* with g-gentwe wowds -Tiww time UwU wend fwiends, and fwiends t-theiw hewpfuw swowds. -KING WICHAWD. O >_< God, O God! *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew this t-tongue of minye -*teleports behind you* That waid the s-sentence of xDD dwead banyishment -On yon pwoud man shouwd take *moans* it off ;;w;; again -With wowds of sooth! O *sweats* that I wewe as gweat -As is my gwief, *blushes* ow wessew than my nyame! -Ow *sweats* that I couwd fowget w-what I have been! -Ow nyot wemembew w-what I must be nyow! -:3 Sweww'st thou, pwoud heawt? I'ww give thee scope to beat, -Since foes have scope to beat b-both thee and me. -AUMEWWE. Nyowthumbewwand c-comes back fwom ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -KING WICHAWD. What must the King do nyow? M-Must he s-submit? -The King shaww do it. M-Must he be >w< depos'd? -The King shaww be contented. M-Must he wose -The nyame of king? A God's nyame, wet *moans* it go. -I'ww give my jewews fow a set of beads, -My gowgeous pawace fow a hewmitage, -My g-gay appawew fow an *giggles shyly* awmsman's >_> gown, -My f-figuw'd *cuddles you* gobwets fow a >_< dish of wood, -My *sweats* sceptwe fow a pawmew's wawking staff, -My subjects fow a paiw of cawved *notices bulge* saints, -And my l-wawge kingdom fow a wittwe gwave, -A wittwe wittwe gwave, an obscuwe gwave- -Ow I'ww be buwied in the king's ^.^ high way, -Some way of common twade, whewe subjects' feet -May houwwy twampwe *teleports behind you* on t-theiw OwO soveweign's *sighs* head; -F-Fow *teleports behind you* on my heawt they twead n-nyow whiwst I *teleports behind you* wive, -And buwied o-once, why nyot upon my head? -Aumewwe, thou ^w^ weep'st, my tendew-heawted cousin! -We'ww make f-fouw >w< weathew *pokes you* with despised teaws; -Ouw sighs and they shaww wodge the s-summew cown -And make a deawth in this wevowting wand. -Ow shaww we pway the wantons *pokes you* with o-ouw >_< woes -And make *blushes* some pwetty match *pokes you* with shedding teaws? -As *looks away* thus: to dwop them stiww upon onye pwace -Tiww they have fwetted us a paiw of gwaves -Within the eawth; and, thewein waid-thewe wies -Two kinsmen digg'd t-theiw gwaves *pokes you* with weeping eyes. -Wouwd nyot this iww do weww? *sighs* Weww, weww, I see -I tawk xDD but idwy, and you *looks at you* waugh at me. -Most mighty pwince, my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand, -What says King Bowingbwoke? Wiww his Majesty -Give Wichawd weave to wive tiww Wichawd die? -Y-You make a weg, and Bowingbwoke says *teleports behind you* ay. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, in the base couwt he doth a-attend -To speak *pokes you* with you; may *moans* it pwease you to come down? -KING WICHAWD. Down, down I come, wike gwist'wing Phaethon, -Wanting the manyage of unwuwy jades. -In the base couwt? Base couwt, whewe kings gwow base, -To come at twaitows' c-cawws, and do them g-gwace. -In the base couwt? Come down? Down, couwt! *giggles shyly* down, king! -F-Fow *sweats* nyight-owws shwiek whewe mounting wawks shouwd sing. -UwU Exeunt fwom a-above -BOWINGBWOKE. What says his Majesty? -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. ^w^ Sowwow and g-gwief of heawt -Makes him speak fondwy, wike a fwantic man; -Y-Yet he is come. - -Entew the KING, and his attendants, bewow - -BOWINGBWOKE. Stand aww apawt, -And show *looks at you* faiw duty to his Majesty. :3 [He k-knyeews down] -My g-gwacious l-wowd- -KING WICHAWD. >_< Faiw cousin, you *pokes you* debase youw pwincewy k-knyee -To make the base eawth pwoud *pokes you* with *sweats* kissing it. -Me wathew h-had my heawt might f-feew youw wove -*notices bulge* Than my unpweas'd eye see youw couwtesy. -Up, cousin, up; youw heawt is up, I knyow, -[Touching his own head] Thus ^.^ high at weast, awthough youw -k-knyee be wow. -BOWINGBWOKE. My g-gwacious wowd, I come xDD but fow minye own. -KING WICHAWD. Youw own is youws, and I am youws, and aww. -BOWINGBWOKE. So faw be minye, my most wedoubted wowd, -As my twue sewvice shaww desewve youw wove. -KING WICHAWD. Weww you d-desewve. They weww desewve to have -*teleports behind you* That knyow the stwong'st and suwest way to g-get. -Uncwe, give me youw hands; nyay, dwy youw eyes: -*looks away* Teaws show t-theiw wove, xDD but want t-theiw wemedies. -Cousin, I am too young to be youw fathew, -Though you awe owd enyough to be my uWu heiw. -What you wiww h-have, I'ww give, and wiwwing too; -F-Fow do we must w-what fowce wiww have us do. -Set *teleports behind you* on towawds Wondon. Cousin, is *moans* it *moans* so? -BOWINGBWOKE. Yea, my good l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. T-Then I must nyot say nyo. F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. -The D-DUKE OF YOWK's gawden - -Entew the QUEEN and xDD two WADIES - -QUEEN. What spowt shaww we devise x3 hewe in this gawden -To dwive away the heavy thought of cawe? -L-WADY. Madam, we'ww pway at bowws. -QUEEN. uWu 'Twiww make me think the wowwd is fuww of wubs -And *sweats* that my fowtunye wuns against the bias. -L-WADY. Madam, we'ww dance. -QUEEN. My wegs can keep nyo measuwe in dewight, -When my poow heawt nyo measuwe keeps in gwief; -Thewefowe nyo ^-^ dancing, giww; *blushes* some othew spowt. -L-WADY. Madam, we'ww teww *notices bulge* tawes. -QUEEN. Of sowwow *blushes* ow of joy? -L-WADY. Of OwO eithew, madam. -QUEEN. Of OwO nyeithew, giww; -F-Fow if of joy, being awtogethew wanting, -It doth wemembew me the mowe of sowwow; -Ow if of gwief, being awtogethew >_> had, -It *sweats* adds mowe sowwow to my want of joy; -F-Fow w-what I have I nyeed nyot to wepeat, -And w-what I want *moans* it boots nyot to compwain. -L-WADY. Madam, I'ww sing. -QUEEN. 'Tis w-weww' *sweats* that thou hast cause; -But thou shouwdst pwease me bettew wouwdst thou >_< weep. -L-WADY. I couwd weep, *looks at you* madam, ^.^ wouwd *moans* it do you good. -QUEEN. And I couwd sing, ^.^ wouwd weeping do me ^-^ good, -And nyevew bowwow any teaw of thee. - -Entew a GAWDENyEW and xDD two SEWVANTS - -But stay, x3 hewe come the gawdenyews. -Wet's step into the *pokes you* shadow of these twees. -My wwetchednyess unto a wow of ^.^ pins, -They wiww tawk of state, fow evewy onye doth so -Against a change: woe is fowewun *pokes you* with woe. -[QUEEN and WADIES wetiwe] -GAWDENyEW. Go, bind thou up yon d-dangwing apwicocks, -Which, wike unwuwy *screams* chiwdwen, make t-theiw siwe -Stoop *pokes you* with oppwession of t-theiw pwodigaw weight; -Give *blushes* some suppowtance to the bending twigs. -Go thou, and Eke an executionyew -Cut off the :33 heads of too *looks away* fast gwowing s-spways -*teleports behind you* That wook too wofty in o-ouw commonweawth: -Aww must be even in o-ouw govewnment. -Y-You t-thus empwoy'd, I wiww go UwU woot away -The *screams* nyoisome weeds which without pwofit s-suck -The s-soiw's *shuffles closer* fewtiwity fwom whowesome fwowews. -SEWVANT. Why shouwd w-we, in the compass of a pawe, -Keep waw and *sighs* fowm and due pwopowtion, -:3 Showing, as in a modew, o-ouw fiwm estate, -When o-ouw sea-wawwed gawden, the whowe l-wand, -*looks at you* Is fuww of weeds; h-hew faiwest fwowews chok'd up, -Hew fwuit twees aww unpwun'd, h-hew hedges wuin'd, -Hew k-knyots disowdewed, and h-hew whowesome hewbs -Swawming *pokes you* with catewpiwwaws? -GAWDENyEW. H-Howd t-thy *teleports behind you* peace. -He *sweats* that hath s-suffew'd this d-disowdew'd spwing -Hath n-nyow himsewf m-met *pokes you* with the faww of weaf; -The weeds which his *blushes* bwoad-spweading weaves did shewtew, -*teleports behind you* That seem'd in eating him to howd him up, -Awe UwU pwuck'd up UwU woot and aww ^w^ by B-Bowingbwoke- -I *looks at you* mean the E-Eaww of Wiwtshiwe, Bushy, Gween. -SEWVANT. What, awe they d-dead? -GAWDENyEW. They awe; and Bowingbwoke -Hath seiz'd the wastefuw King. O, w-what pity is *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That he h-had nyot so twimm'd and dwess'd his wand -As we this gawden! We at time of *leans over* yeaw -Do ^.^ wound the bawk, the s-skin of o-ouw fwuit twees, -West, being ovew-pwoud in sap and b-bwood, -With too much wiches *moans* it confound itsewf; -Had he donye so to gweat and gwowing men, -They might have E-Ev'd to *looks away* beaw, and he to taste -T-Theiw fwuits of d-duty. Supewfwuous bwanches -We wop away, *sweats* that beawing boughs may wive; -Had he donye so, himsewf h-had h-home the cwown, -Which waste of idwe houws hath q-quite thwown :33 down. -SEWVANT. What, think you the King shaww be deposed? -GAWDENyEW. D-Depwess'd he is awweady, and depos'd -'Tis d-doubt he wiww be. L-Wettews came wast nyight -To a deaw fwiend of the good D-Duke of Yowk's -*teleports behind you* That teww bwack t-tidings. -QUEEN. O, I am pwess'd to death uWu thwough want of speaking! -[-[Coming f-fowwawd] -x3 Thou, owd Adam's wikenyess, set to dwess this gawden, -H-How dawes t-thy h-hawsh ^w^ wude t-tongue s-sound this unpweasing nyews? -What Eve, w-what sewpent, hath suggested the -To make a second faww of cuwsed man? -Why dost thou say King Wichawd is >w< depos'd? -Daw'st thou, thou wittwe bettew thing than eawth, -Divinye his downfaww? Say, whewe, when, and how, -Cam'st thou ^w^ by this iww tidings? Speak, thou wwetch. -GAWDENyEW. Pawdon me, madam; wittwe joy have -To bweathe this nyews; yet w-what I say is twue. -King Wichawd, he is in the mighty howd -Of ^.^ Bowingbwoke. T-Theiw *sighs* fowtunyes b-both awe weigh'd. -In youw wowd's :33 scawe is nyothing xDD but ^.^ himsewf, -And *blushes* some f-few vanyities *sweats* that make him >_< wight; -But in the b-bawance of gweat Bowingbwoke, -Besides ^.^ himsewf, awe aww the Engwish peews, -And *pokes you* with *sweats* that odds he weighs King Wichawd :33 down. -P-Post you to Wondon, and you wiww find *moans* it so; -I speak nyo mowe than evewy onye doth knyow. -QUEEN. *looks away* Nyimbwe mischance, *sweats* that awt so wight of foot, -Doth nyot t-thy embassage bewong to me, -And am I wast *sweats* that *looks away* knyows it? O, thou thinkest -To sewve me wast, *sweats* that I may wongest keep -Thy sowwow in my bweast. Come, wadies, go -To meet at Wondon Wondon's King in woe. -What, was I bown to t-this, *sweats* that my sad wook -Shouwd gwace the twiumph of gweat Bowingbwoke? -G-Gawd'nyew, fow tewwing me these nyews of woe, -*twerks* Pway OwO God the *blushes* pwants thou gwaft'st may nyevew gwow! -UwU Exeunt QUEEN and WADIES -GAWDENyEW. Poow Queen, so *sweats* that t-thy state might be nyo w-wowse, -I ^.^ wouwd my skiww wewe subject to t-thy cuwse. -Hewe did she faww a teaw; x3 hewe in this pwace -I'ww set a bank of wue, *teleports behind you* souw hewb of g-gwace. -Wue, even fow wuth, x3 hewe showtwy shaww be seen, -In the wemembwance of a weeping queen. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. -Westminstew Haww - -Entew, as to the Pawwiament, BOWINGBWOKE, AUMEWWE, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, PEWCY, -FITZWATEW, SUWWEY, the BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, the A-ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW, -and othews; HEWAWD, OFFICEWS, and B-BAGOT - -BOWINGBWOKE. Caww f-fowth uWu Bagot. -Nyow, Bagot, fweewy speak t-thy m-mind- -What thou dost knyow of nyobwe Gwoucestew's death; -Who wwought *moans* it *pokes you* with the King, and w-who pewfowm'd -The bwoody office of his timewess end. -B-BAGOT. T-Then set befowe my *cuddles you* face the Wowd Aumewwe. -BOWINGBWOKE. Cousin, *looks at you* stand fowth, and wook upon *sweats* that *pokes you* man. -B-BAGOT. My Wowd Aumewwe, I knyow youw dawing t-tongue -Scowns to unsay w-what once *moans* it hath dewivew'd. -In *sweats* that dead time when Gwoucestew's death was pwotted -I h-heawd you say 'Is nyot my awm of wength, -*teleports behind you* That weacheth fwom the westfuw Engwish Couwt -As faw as uWu Cawais, to minye uncwe's head?' -Amongst much othew tawk *sweats* that vewy time -I h-heawd you say *sweats* that you h-had wathew wefuse -The *teleports behind you* offew of an hundwed thousand cwowns -*notices bulge* Than B-Bowingbwoke's r-wetuwn to E-Engwand; -Adding withaw, how bwest this wand ^.^ wouwd be -In this youw cousin's death. -AUMEWWE. Pwinces, and nyobwe wowds, -What *sighs* answew shaww I make to this base man? -Shaww I so much dishonyouw my *looks at you* faiw s-staws -On equaw tewms to give him chastisement? -Eithew I must, *blushes* ow have minye honyouw soiw'd -With the a-attaindew of his s-swandewous wips. -*cries* Thewe is my gage, the manyuaw s-seaw of death -*teleports behind you* That mawks thee out fow heww. I say thou wiest, -And wiww m-maintain w-what thou hast s-said is f-fawse -In t-thy *shuffles closer* heawt-bwood, uWu thwough being aww too base -To stain the tempew of my knyightwy *shuffles closer* swowd. -BOWINGBWOKE. Bagot, fowbeaw; thou shawt nyot take *moans* it up. -AUMEWWE. ^.^ Excepting ^.^ onye, I ^.^ wouwd he wewe the best -In aww this :33 pwesence *sweats* that hath mov'd me so. -*sweats* FITZWATEW. If *sweats* that t-thy vawouw *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on sympathy, -*cries* Thewe is my gage, Aumewwe, in gage to thinye. -By *sweats* that *looks at you* faiw *moans* sun which shows me whewe thou stand'st, -I h-heawd thee say, and vauntingwy thou spak'st it, -*teleports behind you* That thou wewt c-cause of nyobwe Gwoucestew's death. -If thou denyiest *moans* it twenty times, thou wiest; -And I wiww tuwn t-thy fawsehood to t-thy h-heawt, -Whewe *moans* it was fowged, *pokes you* with my wapiew's point. -AUMEWWE. *moans* Thou daw'st nyot, cowawd, wive to see *sweats* that day. -*sweats* FITZWATEW. Nyow, ^w^ by my souw, I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe this houw. -AUMEWWE. Fitzwatew, thou awt d-damn'd to heww fow this. -PEWCY. Aumewwe, thou wiest; his honyouw is as twue -In this appeaw as thou awt an unjust; -And *sweats* that thou awt so, thewe I thwow my gage, -To *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it *teleports behind you* on thee to the extwemest point -Of mowtaw bweathing. Seize it, if thou daw'st. -AUMEWWE. *looks at you* An if I do nyot, may my h-hands wot of -And nyevew bwandish mowe OwO wevengefuw steew -;;w;; Ovew the gwittewing *sweats* hewmet of my foe! -ANyOTHEW WOWD. I task the eawth to the wike, fowswown Aumewwe; -And spuw thee *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with fun as many wies -As may be h-hawwoa'd in t-thy *leans over* tweachewous eaw -Fwom *moans* sun to sun. *cries* Thewe is my h-honyouw's pawn; -*sighs* Engage *moans* it to the twiaw, if thou dawest. -AUMEWWE. Who sets me ewse? By heaven, I'ww thwow at a-aww! -I have a thousand spiwits in onye b-bweast -To *sighs* answew twenty thousand such as you. -SUWWEY. My Wowd Fitzwatew, I do wemembew weww -The vewy time A-Aumewwe and you did tawk. -*sweats* FITZWATEW. 'Tis vewy *shuffles closer* twue; you wewe in :33 pwesence then, -And you can witnyess *pokes you* with me this is twue. -SUWWEY. As fawse, ^w^ by heaven, as heaven i-itsewf is twue. -*sweats* FITZWATEW. Suwwey, thou wiest. -SUWWEY. Dishonyouwabwe boy! -*teleports behind you* That wie shaww wie so heavy *teleports behind you* on my swowd -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it shaww wendew v-vengeance and *shuffles closer* wevenge -Tiww thou the wie-givew and *sweats* that wie do he -In eawth as quiet as t-thy fathew's skuww. -In *giggles shyly* pwoof wheweof, thewe is my h-honyouw's pawn; -*sighs* Engage *moans* it to the twiaw, if thou daw'st. -*sweats* FITZWATEW. H-How fondwy dost thou spuw a *blushes* fowwawd howse! -If I dawe eat, *blushes* ow dwink, *blushes* ow b-bweathe, *blushes* ow *teleports behind you* wive, -I dawe meet Suwwey in a wiwdewnyess, -And *giggles shyly* spit upon him whiwst I say he wies, -And wies, and wies. *cries* Thewe is my bond of faith, -To ;;w;; tie thee to my stwong c-cowwection. -As I intend to UwU thwive in this nyew wowwd, -A-Aumewwe is *teleports behind you* guiwty of my twue appeaw. -Besides, I h-heawd the banyish'd Nyowfowk say -*teleports behind you* That thou, Aumewwe, didst send xDD two of t-thy men -To execute the nyobwe D-Duke at Cawais. -AUMEWWE. Some honyest Chwistian twust me *pokes you* with a gage -*teleports behind you* That Nyowfowk wies. Hewe do I thwow down t-this, -If he may be wepeaw'd to t-twy his >_> honyouw. -BOWINGBWOKE. These d-diffewences shaww aww west undew gage -Tiww Nyowfowk be wepeaw'd-wepeaw'd he shaww be -And, *sighs* though minye enyemy, westow'd ;;w;; again -To aww his >_< wands and signyowies. When he is wetuwn'd, -Against A-Aumewwe we wiww enfowce his twiaw. -CAWWISWE. *teleports behind you* That honyouwabwe day shaww nyevew be seen. -Many a time hath banyish'd Nyowfowk fought -F-Fow Jesu Chwist in gwowious Chwistian *shuffles closer* fiewd, -S-Stweaming the ensign of the Chwistian cwoss -Against bwack pagans, Tuwks, and *blushes* Sawacens; -And, toiw'd *pokes you* with wowks of waw, wetiw'd himsewf -To :3 Itawy; and thewe, at Venyice, gave -His body to *sweats* that pweasant countwy's eawth, -And his puwe souw unto his captain, C-Chwist, -Undew :33 whose cowouws he h-had fought so l-wong. -BOWINGBWOKE. W-Why, Bishop, is Nyowfowk d-dead? -CAWWISWE. As suwewy as I *teleports behind you* wive, my l-wowd. -BOWINGBWOKE. Sweet peace conduct his sweet souw to the bosom -Of good owd Abwaham! Wowds *twerks* appewwants, -Youw d-diffewences shaww aww west undew gage -Tiww we a-assign you to youw days of twiaw - -Entew YOWK, *looks away* attended - -OwO YOWK. G-Gweat D-Duke of Wancastew, I come to the -Fwom p-pwume-pwuck'd Wichawd, w-who *pokes you* with wiwwing souw -Adopts thee heiw, and his ^.^ high *sweats* sceptwe y-yiewds -To the possession of t-thy woyaw hand. ->w< Ascend his thwonye, descending n-nyow fwom him- -And wong wive OwO Henwy, fouwth of *sweats* that nyame! -BOWINGBWOKE. In God's nyame, I'ww ascend the wegaw thwonye. -CAWWISWE. Mawwy, OwO God fowbid! -Wowst in this woyaw :33 pwesence may I speak, -Y-Yet best beseeming me to speak the twuth. -Wouwd OwO God *sweats* that any in this nyobwe :33 pwesence -Wewe enyough nyobwe to be upwight judge -Of nyobwe Wichawd! T-Then twue nyobwesse ^.^ wouwd -Weawn him fowbeawance fwom so f-fouw a wwong. -What subject can give s-sentence *teleports behind you* on his king? -And w-who sits x3 hewe *sweats* that is nyot *teleports behind you* Wichawd's subject? -Thieves awe nyot judg'd xDD but they awe ^w^ by to heaw, -Awthough appawent ^-^ guiwt be :33 seen in them; -And shaww the figuwe of God's majesty, -His captain, >w< stewawd, deputy ewect, -Anyointed, cwownyed, pwanted many yeaws, -Be judg'd ^w^ by subject and infewiow bweath, -And he himsewf nyot pwesent? O, fowfend it, >_< God, -*teleports behind you* That in a Chwistian cwimate s-souws OwO wefin'd -Shouwd show so heinyous, bwack, obscenye a deed! -I speak to subjects, and a subject speaks, -Stiww'd up ^w^ by >_< God, t-thus bowdwy fow his king. -My Wowd of Hewefowd hewe, whom you *giggles shyly* caww king, -*looks at you* Is a f-fouw twaitow to pwoud Hewefowd's king; -And if you cwown him, wet me pwophesy- -The b-bwood of Engwish shaww manyuwe the gwound, -And futuwe ages gwoan fow this f-fouw *shuffles closer* act; -Peace shaww go sweep *pokes you* with Tuwks and infidews, -And in this seat of peace tumuwtuous waws -Shaww kin *pokes you* with kin and k-kind *pokes you* with k-kind confound; -Disowdew, howwow, feaw, and mutiny, -Shaww x3 hewe ;;w;; inhabit, and this wand be c-caww'd -The fiewd of Gowgotha and dead men's skuwws. -O, if you waise this h-house against this *notices bulge* house, -It wiww the *looks away* woefuwwest division *shuffles closer* pwove -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew feww upon this cuwsed eawth. -Pwevent it, wesist it, wet *moans* it nyot be so, -West chiwd, chiwd's *screams* chiwdwen, cwy against you woe. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Weww have you awgued, siw; and, fow youw pains, -Of capitaw tweason we awwest you hewe. -My Wowd of Westminstew, be *moans* it youw chawge -To keep him safewy tiww his day of twiaw. -May *moans* it pwease y-you, wowds, to gwant the commons' s-suit? -BOWINGBWOKE. Fetch hithew Wichawd, *sweats* that in common view -He may s-suwwendew; so we shaww pwoceed -Without suspicion. -OwO YOWK. I wiww be his c-conduct. Exit -BOWINGBWOKE. Wowds, you *sweats* that x3 hewe awe undew o-ouw *shuffles closer* awwest, -P-Pwocuwe youw suweties fow youw days of answew. -L-Wittwe awe we behowding to youw wove, -And wittwe wook'd fow at youw hewping h-hands. - -We-entew YOWK, *pokes you* with KING WICHAWD, and OFFICEWS -beawing the r-wegawia - -KING WICHAWD. Awack, why am I OwO sent fow to a king, -B-Befowe I have shook off the wegaw *hugs tightly* thoughts -Whewewith I weign'd? I hawdwy yet have weawn'd -To i-insinyuate, fwattew, b-bow, and *looks away* bend my knyee. -Give sowwow weave awhiwe to tutow me -To this submission. Y-Yet I weww wemembew -The favouws of these men. Wewe they nyot minye? -*sweats* Did they nyot sometime cwy 'Aww haiw!' to me? -So Judas did to Chwist; xDD but he, in twewve, -Found uWu twuth in aww xDD but onye; I, in t-twewve thousand, >_< nyonye. -OwO God uWu save the King! Wiww nyo man say amen? -Am I b-both pwiest and *twerks* cwewk? Weww then, amen. -OwO God uWu save the King! awthough I be nyot he; -And yet, amen, if heaven do think him me. -To do w-what sewvice am I OwO sent fow hithew? -OwO YOWK. To do *sweats* that office of thinye own good wiww -Which ^-^ tiwed majesty did make thee offew- -The wesignyation of t-thy state and cwown -To Henwy ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -KING WICHAWD. Give me the cwown. *shuffles closer* Hewe, cousin, seize the cwown. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, cousin, -On this side my hand, and *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that side thinye. ->_> Nyow is this gowden cwown wike a deep weww -*teleports behind you* That owes xDD two b-buckets, fiwwing onye anyothew; -The *cuddles you* emptiew *giggles shyly* evew dancing in the aiw, -The othew *giggles shyly* down, ^w^ unseen, and fuww of *looks at you* watew. -*teleports behind you* That bucket down and fun of teaws am I, -Dwinking my gwiefs, whiwst you mount up *teleports behind you* on h-high. -BOWINGBWOKE. I thought you h-had been wiwwing to wesign. -KING WICHAWD. My cwown I a-am; xDD but stiww my gwiefs awe minye. -Y-You may my gwowies and my state depose, -But nyot my gwiefs; stiww am I king of t-those. -BOWINGBWOKE. Pawt of youw c-cawes you give me *pokes you* with youw cwown. -KING WICHAWD. Youw c-cawes set up do nyot pwuck my c-cawes :33 down. -My OwO cawe is woss of cawe, ^w^ by owd OwO cawe d-donye; -Youw OwO cawe is gain of cawe, ^w^ by nyew OwO cawe won. -The c-cawes I give I h-have, *sighs* though given *looks away* away; -They tend the cwown, yet stiww *pokes you* with me they stay. -BOWINGBWOKE. Awe you contented to wesign the *shuffles closer* cwown? -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, nyo; nyo, a-ay; fow I must nyothing be; -Thewefowe nyo nyo, fow I wesign to thee. ->_> Nyow mawk me how I wiww undo m-mysewf: -I give this heavy *looks at you* weight fwom off my head, -And this unwiewdy *sweats* sceptwe fwom my hand, -The pwide of kingwy *sighs* sway fwom out my heawt; -With minye own teaws I wash away my bawm, -With minye own h-hands I give away my cwown, -With minye own t-tongue deny my sacwed state, -With minye own >_< bweath wewease aww duteous o-oaths; -Aww pomp and majesty I do fowsweaw; -My manyows, wents, :33 wevenyues, I fowgo; -My acts, decwees, and s-statutes, I deny. -OwO God pawdon aww *twerks* oaths *sweats* that awe b-bwoke to me! -OwO God keep aww vows ^w^ unbwoke awe made to thee! -Make me, *sweats* that nyothing h-have, *pokes you* with nyothing gwiev'd, -And thou *pokes you* with aww pweas'd, *sweats* that hast an achiev'd. -L-Wong m-mayst thou wive in *teleports behind you* Wichawd's seat to sit, -And soon wie Wichawd in an eawthwy *looks at you* pit. -OwO God uWu save King OwO Henwy, unking'd Wichawd says, -And send him many y-yeaws of sunshinye days! -What mowe wemains? -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyo *looks away* mowe; xDD but *sweats* that you xDD wead -These a-accusations, and these gwievous cwimes -Committed ^w^ by youw pewson and youw fowwowews -Against the state and pwofit of this wand; -That, ^w^ by confessing them, the s-souws of men -May deem *sweats* that you awe wowthiwy depos'd. -KING WICHAWD. M-Must I do *moans* so? And must I wavew out -My weav'd-up fowwies? Gentwe Nyowthumbewwand, -If t-thy o-offences wewe upon wecowd, -Wouwd *moans* it nyot shame thee in so *looks at you* faiw a twoop -To xDD wead a l-wectuwe of them? If thou wouwdst, -*cries* Thewe shouwdst thou find onye *leans over* heinyous >w< awticwe, -Containying the deposing of a king -And cwacking the stwong wawwant of an oath, -Mawk'd *pokes you* with a bwot, d-damn'd in the book of heaven. -Nyay, aww of you *sweats* that *looks at you* stand and wook upon me -Whiwst *sweats* that my wwetchednyess doth bait *twerks* mysewf, -Though *blushes* some of y-you, *pokes you* with Piwate, wash youw uWu hands, -S-Showing an *cuddles you* outwawd pity-yet you Piwates -Have x3 hewe *pokes you* dewivew'd me to my *teleports behind you* souw *screams* cwoss, -And watew cannyot wash away youw sin. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, dispatch; xDD wead o'ew these -*pokes you* awticwes. -KING WICHAWD. M-Minye eyes awe fuww of teaws; I cannyot see. -And yet uWu sawt watew xDD bwinds them nyot so much -But they can see a sowt of t-twaitows hewe. -Nyay, if I tuwn minye eyes upon *twerks* mysewf, -I find m-mysewf a twaitow *pokes you* with the west; -F-Fow I have given x3 hewe my souw's consent -T'undeck the p-pompous body of a king; -Made gwowy base, and s-soveweignty a swave, -Pwoud majesty a subject, state a peasant. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My l-wowd- -KING WICHAWD. Nyo *hugs tightly* wowd of thinye, thou haught insuwting m-man, -N-Nyow nyo man's wowd; I have nyo nyame, nyo t-tide- -N-Nyo, nyot *sweats* that nyame was given me at the f-font- -But 'tis usuwp'd. Awack the heavy day, -*teleports behind you* That I have *looks away* wown so many x3 wintews *pokes you* out, -And knyow nyot n-nyow w-what nyame to *giggles shyly* caww mysewf! -O *sweats* that I wewe a mockewy king of snyow, -Standing befowe the *moans* sun of Bowingbwoke -To mewt m-mysewf away in watew dwops! -Good king, gweat king, and yet nyot gweatwy ^-^ good, -*looks at you* An if my wowd be stewwing yet in Engwand, -Wet *moans* it command a m-miwwow hithew ;;w;; stwaight, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it may show me w-what a *cuddles you* face I have -Since *moans* it is >_> bankwupt of his majesty. -BOWINGBWOKE. Go *blushes* some of you and fetch a wooking-gwass. -Exit an a-attendant -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wead o'ew this papew whiwe the gwass doth come. -KING WICHAWD. Fiend, thou *moans* towments me ewe I come to heww. -BOWINGBWOKE. Uwge *moans* it nyo mowe, my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The Commons wiww nyot, then, be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -KING WICHAWD. They shaww be *giggles shyly* satisfied. I'ww xDD wead enyough, -When I do see the vewy book indeed -Whewe aww my sins awe wwit, and that's mysewf. - -We-entew a-attendant *pokes you* with gwass - -Give me *sweats* that gwass, and thewein wiww I wead. -Nyo deepew wwinkwes yet? Hath sowwow stwuck -So many bwows upon this *cuddles you* face of minye -And made nyo deepew wounds? O fwatt'wing gwass, -Wike to my fowwowews in *screams* pwospewity, -*moans* Thou dost beguiwe me! *hugs tightly* Was this *cuddles you* face the *cuddles you* face -*teleports behind you* That evewy day undew his househowd woof -*sweats* Did keep ten thousand men? *hugs tightly* Was this the *cuddles you* face -*teleports behind you* That wike the *moans* sun did make *twerks* behowdews w-wink? -*looks at you* Is this the *cuddles you* face which fac'd so many fowwies -*teleports behind you* That was at wast out-fac'd ^w^ by Bowingbwoke? -A bwittwe gwowy shinyeth in this face; -As bwittwe as the gwowy is the face; -[Dashes the gwass against the gwound] -F-Fow thewe *moans* it *screams* is, cwack'd in a hundwed s-shivews. -Mawk, siwent king, the mowaw of this spowt- -H-How soon my sowwow hath destwoy'd my face. -BOWINGBWOKE. The *pokes you* shadow of youw sowwow hath destwoy'd -The *pokes you* shadow of youw face. -KING WICHAWD. Say *sweats* that again. -The *pokes you* shadow of my sowwow? Ha! wet's see. -'Tis vewy *screams* twue: my g-gwief wies aww within; -And these extewnyaw mannyew of waments -Awe *looks at you* mewewy shadows to the unseen g-gwief -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* swewws *pokes you* with siwence in the towtuw'd souw. -*cries* Thewe wies the substance; and I t-thank ^w^ thee, king, -F-Fow t-thy gweat bounty, *sweats* that nyot onwy g-giv'st -Me c-cause to waiw, xDD but teachest me the way -H-How to wament the xDD cause. I'ww beg onye boon, -And then be g-gonye and t-twoubwe you nyo mowe. -Shaww I obtain it? -BOWINGBWOKE. Nyame it, *looks at you* faiw cousin. -KING WICHAWD. >_< Faiw cousin! I am gweatew than a king; -F-Fow when I was a king, my fwattewews -Wewe then xDD but subjects; being n-nyow a subject, -I have a king x3 hewe to my fwattewew. -Being so gweat, I have nyo nyeed to b-beg. -BOWINGBWOKE. Y-Yet ask. -KING WICHAWD. And shaww I have? -BOWINGBWOKE. Y-You shaww. -KING WICHAWD. T-Then give me weave to go. -BOWINGBWOKE. Whithew? -KING WICHAWD. Whithew you wiww, so I wewe fwom youw sights. -BOWINGBWOKE. Go, *blushes* some of you convey him to the Towew. -KING WICHAWD. O, uWu good! Convey! Conveyews awe you a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That wise t-thus nyimbwy ^w^ by a twue king's faww. -UwU Exeunt KING WICHAWD, *blushes* some Wowds and a Guawd -BOWINGBWOKE. On Wednyesday nyext we sowemnwy set down -Ouw cowonyation. Wowds, p-pwepawe youwsewves. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the A-ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW, the -BISHOP OF CAWWISWE, and A-AUMEWWE -*screams* ABBOT. A woefuw pageant have we x3 hewe behewd. -CAWWISWE. The woe's to come; the chiwdwen yet unbown -Shaww f-feew this day as shawp to them as thown. -AUMEWWE. Y-You howy cwewgymen, is thewe nyo pwot -To wid the ^.^ weawm of this pewnyicious bwot? -*screams* ABBOT. My wowd, -B-Befowe I fweewy speak my mind hewein, -Y-You shaww nyot onwy take the sacwament -To buwy minye intents, xDD but awso to effect -Whatevew I shaww happen to devise. -I see youw bwows awe fuww of discontent, -Youw heawts of sowwow, and youw eyes of teaws. -Come h-home *pokes you* with me to suppew; I wiww *looks at you* way -A pwot shaww show us aww a mewwy day. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. -Wondon. A UwU stweet weading to the Towew - -Entew the Q-QUEEN, *pokes you* with h-hew attendants - -QUEEN. This way the King wiww come; this is the way -To Juwius Caesaw's iww-ewected towew, -To :33 whose fwint bosom my condemnyed *hugs tightly* wowd -*looks at you* Is doom'd a pwisonyew ^w^ by pwoud ^.^ Bowingbwoke. -Hewe wet us west, if this webewwious eawth -Have any r-westing fow h-hew twue K-King's queen. - -Entew KING WICHAWD and Guawd - -But soft, xDD but see, *blushes* ow wathew do nyot see, -My *looks at you* faiw wose withew. Y-Yet wook up, behowd, -*teleports behind you* That you in pity may d-dissowve to dew, -And wash him fwesh ;;w;; again *pokes you* with *shuffles closer* twue-wove teaws. -Ah, thou, the m-modew whewe owd Twoy did stand; -*moans* Thou map of honyouw, thou King *teleports behind you* Wichawd's *looks at you* tomb, -And nyot King Wichawd; thou most beauteous inn, -Why shouwd hawd-favouw'd g-gwief be wodg'd in ^w^ thee, -When twiumph is become an awehouse *shuffles closer* guest? -KING WICHAWD. J-Join nyot *pokes you* with gwief, *looks at you* faiw woman, do nyot so, -To make my end too sudden. L-Weawn, good souw, -To think o-ouw f-fowmew state a happy dweam; -Fwom which a-awak'd, the uWu twuth of w-what we awe -Shows us xDD but this: I am swown bwothew, sweet, -To g-gwim Nyecessity; and he and -Wiww keep a *shuffles closer* weague tiww death. Hie thee to F-Fwance, -And *shuffles closer* cwoistew thee in *blushes* some *giggles shyly* wewigious house. -Ouw howy wives must win a nyew wowwd's cwown, -Which o-ouw pwofanye houws x3 hewe have thwown :33 down. -QUEEN. What, is my Wichawd b-both in shape and mind -Twansfowm'd and w-weak'nyed? Hath Bowingbwoke depos'd -^w^ Thinye intewwect? Hath he been in t-thy heawt? -The wion dying thwusteth f-fowth his paw -And ^.^ wounds the eawth, if nyothing e-ewse, *pokes you* with wage -To be o'ewpow'w'd; and wiwt thou, pupiw-wike, -Take the cowwection miwdwy, kiss the wod, -And fawn *teleports behind you* on wage *pokes you* with base humiwity, -Which awt a wion and the king of beasts? -KING WICHAWD. A king of beasts, indeed! If a-aught xDD but beasts, -I h-had been stiww a happy king of men. -Good sometimes queen, p-pwepawe thee hence fow Fwance. -Think I am dead, and *sweats* that even x3 hewe thou takest, -As fwom my *screams* death-bed, t-thy wast l-wiving >_< weave. -In *shuffles closer* wintew's tedious nyights sit ^w^ by the fiwe -With good owd fowks, and wet them teww thee t-tawes -Of woefuw ages wong ago betid; -And ewe thou bid good nyight, to *teleports behind you* quit t-theiw gwiefs -Teww thou the l-wamentabwe tawe of me, -And send the heawews weeping to t-theiw beds; -F-Fow why, the sensewess UwU bwands wiww s-sympathize -The heavy accent of t-thy moving t-tongue, -And in compassion weep the fiwe out; -And *blushes* some wiww mouwn in ashes, *blushes* some coaw-bwack, -F-Fow the deposing of a wightfuw king. - -Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND *looks away* attended - -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, the mind of Bowingbwoke is chang'd; -Y-You must to Pomfwet, nyot unto the Towew. -And, *looks at you* madam, thewe is owdew t-ta'en fow ;;w;; you: -With aww swift speed you must away to Fwance. -KING WICHAWD. Nyowthumbewwand, thou waddew whewewithaw -The mounting Bowingbwoke ascends my thwonye, -The time shaww nyot be many houws of age -Mowe than *moans* it *screams* is, ewe f-fouw sin *blushes* gathewing *sweats* head -Shaww bweak into cowwuption. *moans* Thou shawt think -Though he divide the ^.^ weawm and give thee h-hawf -It is too wittwe, hewping him to aww; -And he shaww think *sweats* that thou, which knyowest the way -To pwant unwightfuw kings, wiwt knyow again, -Being nye'ew so wittwe uwg'd, anyothew way -To pwuck him headwong fwom the usuwped thwonye. -The wove of wicked men convewts to feaw; -*teleports behind you* That feaw to hate; and hate tuwns onye *blushes* ow b-both -To wowthy d-dangew and desewved death. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My ^-^ guiwt be *teleports behind you* on my head, and thewe an end. -Take weave, and pawt; fow you must *cries* pawt fowthwith. -KING WICHAWD. Doubwy divowc'd! Bad men, you ^.^ viowate -A twofowd mawwiage-'twixt my cwown and me, -And then b-betwixt me and my mawwied wife. -Wet me unkiss the oath 'twixt thee and me; -And yet nyot so, fow *pokes you* with a kiss '-'twas made. -Pawt us, Nyowthumbewwand; I towawds the >w< nyowth, -Whewe shivewing cowd and sicknyess pinyes the cwime; -My wife to F-Fwance, fwom whence set f-fowth in pomp, -She came adownyed hithew wike sweet May, -*pokes you* Sent back wike :3 Hawwowmas *blushes* ow showt'st of day. -QUEEN. And must we be divided? M-Must we pawt? -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, h-hand fwom hand, my wove, and heawt fwom heawt. -QUEEN. Banyish us both, and send the King *pokes you* with me. -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *teleports behind you* That wewe *blushes* some wove, xDD but wittwe powicy. -QUEEN. T-Then whithew he goes thithew wet me go. -KING WICHAWD. So t-two, togethew >w< weeping, make onye woe. -Weep thou fow me in F-Fwance, I fow thee h-hewe; -Bettew faw off than nyeaw, be nye'ew the nyeaw. -Go, count t-thy way *pokes you* with sighs; I minye *pokes you* with gwoans. -QUEEN. So wongest way shaww have the wongest moans. -KING WICHAWD. T-Twice fow onye step I'ww gwoan, the way being showt, -And piece the way out *pokes you* with a heavy heawt. -Come, come, in wooing sowwow wet's be *leans over* bwief, -Since, wedding it, thewe is such wength in gwief. -Onye kiss shaww stop o-ouw mouths, and dumbwy pawt; -Thus give I minye, and t-thus take I t-thy heawt. -QUEEN. Give me minye own again; 'twewe nyo good *cries* pawt -To take *teleports behind you* on me to keep and kiww t-thy heawt. ->_> So, n-nyow I have minye own again, be gonye. -*teleports behind you* That I may stwive to kiww *moans* it *pokes you* with a gwoan. -KING WICHAWD. We make woe wanton *pokes you* with this fond deway. -O-Once mowe, *cries* adieu; the west wet sowwow say. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. -The D-DUKE OF YOWK's pawace - -Entew the D-DUKE OF YOWK and the DUCHESS - -DUCHESS. My Wowd, you towd me you ^.^ wouwd teww the west, -When weeping made you bweak the *leans over* stowy off, -Of o-ouw xDD two uWu cousins' coming into Wondon. -OwO YOWK. Whewe did I weave? -DUCHESS. At *sweats* that sad stop, my wowd, -Whewe ^w^ wude m-misgovewnyed h-hands fwom windows' tops -Thwew dust and wubbish *teleports behind you* on King *teleports behind you* Wichawd's h-head. -OwO YOWK. Then, as I ^-^ said, the Duke, gweat Bowingbwoke, -Mounted upon a hot and f-fiewy s-steed -Which his aspiwing widew seem'd to knyow, -With swow xDD but statewy pace kept *teleports behind you* on his couwse, -Whiwst aww tongues cwied 'God uWu save ^w^ thee, *teleports behind you* Bowingbwoke!' -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have thought the vewy windows *cuddles you* spake, -So many gweedy wooks of young and owd -Thwough c-casements dawted t-theiw desiwing eyes -^-^ Upon his *cries* visage; and *sweats* that aww the wawws -With ;;w;; painted imagewy h-had s-said at once -'Jesu pwesewve thee! Wewcome, *teleports behind you* Bowingbwoke!' -Whiwst he, fwom the onye side to the othew t-tuwnying, -Baweheaded, *cuddles you* wowew than his pwoud steed's nyeck, ->w< Bespake them :3 thus, *sighs* 'I t-thank y-you, countwymen.' -And t-thus stiww doing, t-thus he pass'd ^.^ awong. -DUCHESS. Awack, poow Wichawd! whewe wode he the whiwst? -OwO YOWK. As in a theatwe the eyes of men -Aftew a weww-gwac'd actow weaves the stage -Awe idwy bent *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that e-entews nyext, -Thinking his pwattwe to be tedious; -Even so, *blushes* ow *pokes you* with much mowe contempt, men's eyes -*sweats* Did scoww *teleports behind you* on g-gentwe Wichawd; nyo man cwied 'God uWu save him!' -Nyo joyfuw t-tongue gave him his wewcome home; -But dust was thwown upon his sacwed *sighs* head; -Which *pokes you* with such g-gentwe sowwow he shook off, -His *cuddles you* face stiww combating *pokes you* with teaws and smiwes, -The b-badges of his g-gwief and patience, -*teleports behind you* That h-had nyot >_< God, fow *blushes* some stwong puwpose, steew'd -The heawts of men, they must pewfowce have mewted, -And bawbawism i-itsewf have pitied him. -But heaven hath a h-hand in these e-events, -To :33 whose ^.^ high wiww we bound o-ouw cawm contents. -To Bowingbwoke awe we swown subjects nyow, -Whose state and honyouw I fow aye awwow. -DUCHESS. Hewe c-comes my son Aumewwe. -OwO YOWK. A-Aumewwe *sweats* that was -But *sweats* that is wost fow being *teleports behind you* Wichawd's f-fwiend, -And *looks at you* madam, you must *giggles shyly* caww him R-Wudand nyow. -I am in Pawwiament p-pwedge fow his uWu twuth -And wasting feawty to the nyew-made king. - -Entew A-AUMEWWE - -DUCHESS. Wewcome, my son. Who awe the viowets n-nyow -*teleports behind you* That stwew the gween wap of the nyew come spwing? -AUMEWWE. Madam, I knyow nyot, n-nyow I gweatwy OwO cawe nyot. -OwO God *looks away* knyows I h-had as UwU wief be nyonye as onye. -OwO YOWK. *sighs* Weww, beaw you weww in this nyew spwing of time, -West you be cwopp'd befowe you come to pwime. -What nyews fwom Oxfowd? Do these justs and twiumphs howd? -AUMEWWE. F-Fow a-aught I knyow, my wowd, they do. -OwO YOWK. Y-You wiww be thewe, I knyow. -AUMEWWE. If OwO God pwevent nyot, I puwpose so. -OwO YOWK. What s-seaw is *sweats* that *sweats* that without t-thy bosom? -Yea, wook'st thou pawe? Wet me see the wwiting. -AUMEWWE. My wowd, 'tis n-nyothing. -OwO YOWK. Nyo mattew, then, w-who see it. -I wiww be *giggles shyly* satisfied; wet me see the wwiting. -AUMEWWE. I do beseech youw Gwace to pawdon me; -It is a mattew of smaww consequence -Which fow *blushes* some weasons I ^.^ wouwd nyot have seen. -OwO YOWK. Which fow *blushes* some weasons, siw, I *looks at you* mean to see. -I feaw, I feaw- -DUCHESS. What shouwd you feaw? -'Tis nyothing xDD but *blushes* some bond *sweats* that he is e-ent'wed into -F-Fow g-gay appawew 'gainst the twiumph-day. -OwO YOWK. Bound to himsewf! What doth he *pokes you* with a bond -*teleports behind you* That he is bound to? Wife, thou awt a foow. -Boy, wet me see the wwiting. -AUMEWWE. I do beseech y-you, pawdon me; I may nyot show it. -OwO YOWK. I wiww be *giggles shyly* satisfied; wet me see it, I say. -:3 [He pwucks *moans* it out of his bosom, and weads it] -Tweason, f-fouw *pokes you* tweason! Viwwain! twaitow! swave! -DUCHESS. What is the mattew, my wowd? -OwO YOWK. Ho! w-who is within thewe? - -Entew a sewvant - -Saddwe my howse. -OwO God fow his :3 mewcy, w-what tweachewy is hewe! -DUCHESS. W-Why, Yowk, w-what is it, my wowd? -OwO YOWK. Give me my boots, I *notices bulge* say; saddwe my howse. -Exit sewvant -Nyow, ^w^ by minye honyouw, ^w^ by my l-wife, my twoth, -I wiww appeach the *moans* viwwain. -DUCHESS. What is the m-mattew? -OwO YOWK. >w< Peace, foowish woman. -DUCHESS. I wiww nyot *teleports behind you* peace. What is the mattew, Aumewwe? -AUMEWWE. Good m-mothew, be content; *moans* it is nyo mowe -*notices bulge* Than my poow wife must answew. -DUCHESS. Thy wife answew! -OwO YOWK. Bwing me my boots. I wiww unto the King. - -His man e-entews *pokes you* with his boots - -DUCHESS. Stwike him, Aumewwe. Poow boy, thou awt a-amaz'd. -Hence, viwwain! nyevew mowe come in my s-sight. -OwO YOWK. Give me my boots, I say. -DUCHESS. W-Why, Yowk, w-what wiwt thou do? -Wiwt thou nyot hide the *sighs* twespass of thinye :33 own? -Have we mowe sons? *blushes* ow awe we wike to have? -*looks at you* Is nyot my teeming date dwunk up *pokes you* with ;;w;; time? -And wiwt thou pwuck my *looks at you* faiw son fwom minye age -And wob me of a happy mothew's n-nyame? -*looks at you* Is he nyot wike *moans* thee? *looks at you* Is he nyot thinye :33 own? -OwO YOWK. *moans* Thou fond mad woman, -Wiwt thou conceaw this dawk c-conspiwacy? -A dozen of them x3 hewe have t-ta'en the sacwament, -And intewchangeabwy set down t-theiw h-hands -To kiww the King at Oxfowd. -DUCHESS. He shaww be nyonye; -We'ww keep him hewe. T-Then w-what is *sweats* that to him? -OwO YOWK. ^w^ Away, fond w-woman! wewe he twenty times my son -I ^.^ wouwd appeach him. -DUCHESS. Hadst thou gwoan'd fow him -As I have donye, thou wouwdst be mowe pitifuw. -But n-nyow I knyow t-thy mind: thou dost suspect -*teleports behind you* That I have been d-diswoyaw to t-thy b-bed -And *sweats* that he is a bastawd, nyot t-thy son. -Sweet Yowk, sweet husband, be nyot of *sweats* that mind. -He is as wike thee as a man may be -Nyot wike to me, *blushes* ow any of my kin, -And yet I wove him. -OwO YOWK. Make way, unwuwy w-woman! Exit -DUCHESS. Aftew, A-Aumewwe! Mount thee upon his howse; -Spuw post, and get befowe him to the King, -And beg t-thy pawdon ewe he do accuse thee. -I'ww nyot be wong b-behind; *sighs* though I be owd, -I d-doubt nyot xDD but to wide as *looks away* fast as Yowk; -And nyevew wiww I wise up fwom the gwound -Tiww Bowingbwoke have pawdon'd thee. ^w^ Away, be gonye. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. -Windsow Castwe - -Entew B-BOWINGBWOKE as King, PEWCY, and othew WOWDS - -BOWINGBWOKE. C-Can nyo man teww me of my unthwifty son? -'Tis fuww thwee m-months s-since I did see him wast. -If any pwague hang ovew us, 'tis he. -I ^.^ wouwd to >_< God, my wowds, he might be found. -Inquiwe at Wondon, 'mongst the tavewns thewe, -F-Fow thewe, they say, he daiwy doth fwequent -With u-unwestwainyed l-woose companyions, -Even such, they say, as *looks at you* stand in nyawwow wanyes -And beat o-ouw watch and wob o-ouw >_> passengews, -Which he, young wanton and effeminyate boy, -Takes *teleports behind you* on the point of honyouw to suppowt -So *moans* dissowute a cwew. -PEWCY. My wowd, *blushes* some xDD two days s-since I *moans* saw the Pwince, -And towd him of those twiumphs hewd at Oxfowd. -BOWINGBWOKE. And w-what s-said the gawwant? -PEWCY. His *sighs* answew was, he ^.^ wouwd unto the stews, -And fwom the common'st cweatuwe pwuck a gwove -And weaw *moans* it as a favouw; and *pokes you* with *sweats* that -He ^.^ wouwd unhowse the wustiest chawwengew. -BOWINGBWOKE. As *moans* dissowute as d-despewate; yet uWu thwough b-both -I see *blushes* some spawks of bettew hope, which ewdew y-yeaws -May h-happiwy b-bwing fowth. But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew A-AUMEWWE a-amazed - -AUMEWWE. Whewe is the King? -BOWINGBWOKE. What means o-ouw c-cousin *sweats* that he stawes and wooks -So wiwdwy? -AUMEWWE. OwO God uWu save youw Gwace! I do beseech youw Majesty, -To have *blushes* some c-confewence *pokes you* with youw Gwace awonye. -BOWINGBWOKE. Withdwaw *cuddles you* youwsewves, and weave us x3 hewe awonye. -UwU Exeunt PEWCY and WOWDS -What is the mattew *pokes you* with o-ouw c-cousin nyow? -AUMEWWE. F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew may my knyees gwow to the eawth, -[Knyeews] -My t-tongue cweave to my woof within my m-mouth, -*leans over* Unwess a pawdon ewe I wise *blushes* ow speak. -BOWINGBWOKE. Intended *blushes* ow committed was this fauwt? -If *teleports behind you* on the fiwst, how *leans over* heinyous ^w^ e'ew *moans* it be, -To win t-thy OwO aftew-wove I pawdon thee. -AUMEWWE. T-Then give me weave *sweats* that I may tuwn the key, -*teleports behind you* That nyo man entew tiww my tawe be donye. -BOWINGBWOKE. Have t-thy desiwe. -[The D-DUKE OF YOWK knyocks at the doow and cwieth] -OwO YOWK. [Within] My wiege, bewawe; wook to thysewf; -*moans* Thou hast a twaitow in t-thy :33 pwesence thewe. -BOWINGBWOKE. [-[Dwawing] V-Viwwain, I'ww make thee safe. -AUMEWWE. Stay t-thy OwO wevengefuw hand; thou hast nyo c-cause to *pokes you* feaw. -OwO YOWK. [Within] Open the doow, secuwe, foowhawdy King. -Shaww I, fow wove, speak tweason to t-thy face? -Open the doow, *blushes* ow I wiww bweak *moans* it open. - -Entew YOWK - -BOWINGBWOKE. What is the mattew, uncwe? *teleports behind you* Speak; -Wecovew *notices bulge* bweath; teww us how nyeaw is dangew, -*teleports behind you* That we may awm us to encountew it. -OwO YOWK. Pewuse this wwiting hewe, and thou shawt knyow -The tweason *sweats* that my haste fowbids me show. -AUMEWWE. Wemembew, as thou wead'st, t-thy pwomise pass'd. -I do wepent me; xDD wead nyot my nyame t-thewe; -My heawt is nyot confedewate *pokes you* with my hand. -OwO YOWK. It was, viwwain, ewe t-thy h-hand did set *moans* it :33 down. -I towe *moans* it fwom the twaitow's bosom, K-King; ->_< Feaw, and nyot wove, *shuffles closer* begets his penyitence. -*shuffles closer* Fowget to pity him, west t-thy pity *shuffles closer* pwove -A *sweats* sewpent *sweats* that wiww xDD sting thee to the heawt. -BOWINGBWOKE. O heinyous, stwong, and bowd conspiwacy! -O woyaw fathew of a *leans over* tweachewous s-son! -*moans* Thou ^-^ sheew, immacuwate, and siwvew fountain, -Fwom whence this stweam uWu thwough muddy passages -Hath hewd his cuwwent and defiw'd himsewf! -Thy *sweats* ovewfwow of good convewts to bad; -And t-thy abundant goodnyess shaww excuse -This >_< deadwy bwot in t-thy digwessing son. -OwO YOWK. So shaww my *hugs tightly* viwtue be his vice's bawd; -And he shaww spend minye honyouw *pokes you* with his shame, -As thwiftwess sons t-theiw scwaping fathews' gowd. -M-Minye honyouw wives when his dishonyouw *looks at you* dies, -Ow my sham'd wife in his dishonyouw wies. -*moans* Thou kiww'st me in his wife; giving him bweath, -The twaitow l-wives, the twue man's p-put to death. -DUCHESS. [Within] I What ho, my wiege, fow God's sake, wet me i-in. -BOWINGBWOKE. What shwiww-voic'd suppwiant makes this eagew c-cwy? -DUCHESS. [Within] A woman, and thinye aunt, gweat K-King; 'tis I. -Speak *pokes you* with me, pity me, open the doow. -A beggaw begs *sweats* that nyevew begg'd befowe. -BOWINGBWOKE. Ouw scenye is awt'wed fwom a sewious thing, -And n-nyow chang'd to 'The Beggaw and the King.' -My d-dangewous cousin, wet youw mothew i-in. -I knyow she is come to pway fow youw f-fouw sin. -OwO YOWK. If thou do pawdon whosoevew pway, -Mowe sins fow this fowgivenyess pwospew *notices bulge* may. -This fest'wed joint cut off, the west west sound; -This wet awonye wiww aww the west c-confound. - -Entew DUCHESS - -DUCHESS. O King, bewieve nyot this h-hawd-heawted man! -Wove ^.^ woving nyot itsewf, nyonye othew c-can. -OwO YOWK. *moans* Thou fwantic woman, w-what dost thou make hewe? -Shaww t-thy owd dugs once mowe a twaitow weaw? -DUCHESS. Sweet Yowk, be *looks away* patient. Heaw me, g-gentwe wiege. -[Knyeews] -BOWINGBWOKE. Wise up, good aunt. -DUCHESS. Nyot yet, I thee beseech. -F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew wiww I wawk upon my knyees, -And nyevew see day *sweats* that the happy sees -Tiww thou give joy; u-untiw thou bid me joy -By pawdonying Wutwand, my twansgwessing boy. -AUMEWWE. Unto my mothew's pwayews I *looks away* bend my knyee. -[Knyeews] -OwO YOWK. Against them both, my twue joints bended be. -[Knyeews] -I-Iww m-mayst thou thwive, if thou gwant any g-gwace! -DUCHESS. P-Pweads he in eawnyest? Wook upon his face; -His eyes do dwop nyo teaws, his pwayews awe in *leans over* jest; -His wowds come fwom his m-mouth, ouws fwom o-ouw bweast. -He pways xDD but faintwy and ^.^ wouwd be denyied; -We pway *pokes you* with heawt and souw, and aww beside. -His weawy joints ^.^ wouwd uWu gwadwy wise, I knyow; -Ouw knyees stiww knyeew tiww to the gwound they g-gwow. -His pwayews awe fuww of f-fawse hypocwisy; -Ouws of twue zeaw and deep integwity. -Ouw pwayews do out-pway his; then wet them have -*teleports behind you* That mewcy which twue pwayew ought to have. -BOWINGBWOKE. Good aunt, *looks at you* stand up. -DUCHESS. do nyot say 'stand up'; -Say 'pawdon' fiwst, and aftewwawds 'stand xDD up.' -*looks at you* An if I wewe t-thy nyuwse, t-thy t-tongue to teach, -'Pawdon' shouwd be the f-fiwst wowd of t-thy *looks at you* speech. -I nyevew wong'd to heaw a wowd tiww x3 nyow; -Say uWu 'pawdon,' K-King; wet pity teach thee how. -The wowd is showt, xDD but nyot so showt as sweet; -Nyo wowd wike 'pawdon' fow kings' *hugs tightly* mouths so meet. -OwO YOWK. Speak *moans* it in Fwench, King, say '-'pawdonnye moy.' -DUCHESS. Dost thou teach pawdon pawdon to destwoy? -Ah, my *teleports behind you* souw husband, my h-hawd-heawted wowd, -*teleports behind you* That sets the wowd i-itsewf against the wowd! -Speak 'pawdon' as 'tis cuwwent in o-ouw wand; -The chopping Fwench we do nyot undewstand. -^w^ Thinye eye begins to speak, set t-thy t-tongue t-thewe; -Ow in t-thy p-piteous heawt pwant thou thinye eaw, -*teleports behind you* That heawing how o-ouw pwaints and pwayews do piewce, -^.^ Pity may move thee 'pawdon' to weheawse. -BOWINGBWOKE. Good aunt, *looks at you* stand up. -DUCHESS. I do nyot sue to stand; -Pawdon is aww the suit I have in hand. -BOWINGBWOKE. I pawdon him, as OwO God shaww pawdon me. -DUCHESS. O happy vantage of a knyeewing knyee! -Y-Yet am I sick fow *pokes you* feaw. Speak *moans* it again. -T-Twice >w< saying 'pawdon' doth nyot pawdon t-twain, -But makes onye pawdon *screams* stwong. -BOWINGBWOKE. With aww my heawt -I pawdon him. -DUCHESS. A *cries* god *teleports behind you* on eawth thou awt. -BOWINGBWOKE. But fow o-ouw *pokes you* twusty bwothew-in-waw and the Abbot, -With aww the west of *sweats* that consowted cwew, -D-Destwuction stwaight shaww dog them at the h-heews. -Good uncwe, hewp to owdew sevewaw powews -To O-Oxfowd, *blushes* ow whewe'ew these t-twaitows awe. -They shaww nyot wive within this wowwd, I sweaw, -But I wiww have them, if I once knyow xDD whewe. -Uncwe, *shuffles closer* faweweww; and, cousin, *cries* adieu; -Youw mothew weww hath pway'd, and *shuffles closer* pwove you twue. -DUCHESS. Come, my owd son; I pway OwO God make thee nyew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. -Windsow Castwe - -Entew SIW PIEWCE OF EXTON and a sewvant - -EXTON. D-Didst thou nyot mawk the King, w-what wowds he spake? -'Have I nyo fwiend wiww wid me of this l-wiving feaw?' -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it nyot *moans* so? -SEWVANT. These wewe his vewy wowds. -EXTON. 'Have I nyo fwiend?' *screams* quoth he. He spake *moans* it t-twice -And >_< uwg'd *moans* it t-twice togethew, did he nyot? -SEWVANT. He did. -EXTON. And, speaking it, he wishtwy wook'd *teleports behind you* on me, -As w-who shouwd say *sighs* 'I ^.^ wouwd thou wewt the man -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd divowce this tewwow fwom my heawt'; -Meanying the King at Pomfwet. Come, wet's go. -I am the K-King's f-fwiend, and wiww wid his foe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. -P-Pomfwet Castwe. The dungeon of the Castwe - -Entew KING WICHAWD - -KING WICHAWD. I have been studying how I may compawe -This pwison whewe I wive unto the wowwd -And, fow because the wowwd is popuwous -And x3 hewe is nyot a cweatuwe xDD but *twerks* mysewf, -I cannyot do it. Y-Yet I'ww hammew *moans* it ^w^ out. -My bwain I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove the femawe to my souw, -My souw the f-fathew; and these xDD two beget -A genyewation of stiww-bweeding thoughts, -And these same *hugs tightly* thoughts peopwe this wittwe wowwd, -In humouws wike the peopwe of this wowwd, -F-Fow nyo thought is contented. The bettew sowt, -As *hugs tightly* thoughts of things divinye, awe intewmix'd -With scwupwes, and do set the wowd i-itsewf -Against the wowd, -As *looks away* thus: 'Come, wittwe onyes'; and then again, -'It is as hawd to come as fow a c-camew -To thwead the postewn of a smaww nyeedwe's e-eye.' -*cries* Thoughts tending to ambition, they do pwot -Unwikewy wondews: how these vain weak nyaiws -May teaw a passage uWu thwough the fwinty wibs -Of this hawd wowwd, my wagged pwison wawws; -And, fow they cannyot, die in t-theiw own pwide. -*cries* Thoughts tending to content fwattew themsewves -*teleports behind you* That they awe nyot the f-fiwst of fowtunye's swaves, -N-Nyow shaww nyot be the l-wast; wike uWu siwwy b-beggaws -*leans over* Who, sitting in the stocks, wefuge t-theiw shame, -*teleports behind you* That many have and o-othews must sit t-thewe; -And in this thought they find a k-kind of ease, -Beawing t-theiw own m-misfowtunyes *teleports behind you* on the back -Of such as have befowe ^w^ enduw'd the l-wike. -Thus pway I in onye pewson many peopwe, -And nyonye contented. Sometimes am I king; -T-Then tweasons make me wish m-mysewf a beggaw, -And so I am. T-Then cwushing p-penyuwy -Pewsuades me I was bettew when a king; -T-Then am I king'd again; and ^w^ by and ^w^ by -Think *sweats* that I am unking'd ^w^ by Bowingbwoke, -And stwaight am n-nyothing. But whate'ew I be, -N-Nyow I, n-nyow any man *sweats* that xDD but man *screams* is, -With nyothing shaww be pweas'd tiww he be *giggles shyly* eas'd -With being n-nyothing. [The *hugs tightly* music *teleports behind you* pways] -Music do I heaw? -^.^ Ha, ha! keep time. H-How *teleports behind you* souw sweet *hugs tightly* music is -When time is b-bwoke and nyo pwopowtion kept! -So is *moans* it in the *hugs tightly* music of men's wives. -And x3 hewe have I the :3 daintinyess of eaw -To check time b-bwoke in a d-disowdew'd stwing; -But, fow the concowd of my state and time, -Had nyot an eaw to heaw my twue time *cuddles you* bwoke. -I wasted time, and n-nyow doth time waste me; -F-Fow n-nyow hath time made me his nyumb'wing cwock: -My *hugs tightly* thoughts awe minyutes; and *pokes you* with sighs they *notices bulge* jaw -T-Theiw watches *teleports behind you* on unto minye e-eyes, the *cuddles you* outwawd watch, -Wheweto my fingew, wike a diaw's point, -*looks at you* Is pointing stiww, in c-cweansing them fwom teaws. ->_> Nyow siw, the s-sound *sweats* that tewws w-what houw *moans* it is -Awe cwamowous gwoans which stwike upon my h-heawt, -Which is the beww. So sighs, and teaws, and *sweats* gwoans, -Show minyutes, times, and houws; xDD but my time -Wuns posting *teleports behind you* on in B-Bowingbwoke's pwoud joy, -Whiwe I *looks at you* stand f-foowing hewe, his Jack of the cwock. -This *hugs tightly* music mads me. Wet *moans* it s-sound nyo *looks away* mowe; -F-Fow *sighs* though *moans* it have howp madmen to t-theiw wits, -In me *moans* it seems *moans* it wiww make w-wise men m-mad. -Y-Yet bwessing *teleports behind you* on his heawt *sweats* that gives *moans* it me! -F-Fow 'tis a sign of wove; and wove to Wichawd -*looks at you* Is a stwange bwooch in this aww-hating wowwd. - -Entew a GWOOM of the stabwe - -GWOOM. *blushes* Haiw, woyaw P-Pwince! -KING WICHAWD. >w< Thanks, nyobwe peew! -The cheapest of us is ten gwoats too deaw. -What awt thou? and how comest thou h-hithew, -Whewe nyo man nyevew c-comes xDD but *sweats* that sad dog -*teleports behind you* That bwings me f-food to make misfowtunye wive? -GWOOM. I was a poow gwoom of t-thy stabwe, King, -When thou wewt king; who, twavewwing towawds Yowk, -With much ado at wength have gotten weave -To wook upon my sometimes woyaw m-mastew's face. -O, how *moans* it e-ewn'd my h-heawt, when I behewd, -In Wondon stweets, *sweats* that *cuddles you* cowonyation-day, -When Bowingbwoke wode *teleports behind you* on r-woan B-Bawbawy- -*teleports behind you* That howse *sweats* that thou so *looks away* often hast bestwid, -*teleports behind you* That howse *sweats* that I so *shuffles closer* cawefuwwy have dwess'd! -KING WICHAWD. Wode he *teleports behind you* on B-Bawbawy? Teww me, g-gentwe f-fwiend, -H-How went he undew him? -GWOOM. So :3 pwoudwy as if he disdain'd the gwound. -KING WICHAWD. So pwoud *sweats* that Bowingbwoke was *teleports behind you* on his back! -*teleports behind you* That jade hath *cries* eat b-bwead fwom my woyaw hand; -This h-hand hath made him pwoud *pokes you* with cwapping him. -Wouwd he nyot stumbwe? ^.^ wouwd he nyot faww *giggles shyly* down, -Since pwide must have a faww, and bweak the nyeck -Of *sweats* that pwoud man *sweats* that did usuwp his back? -Fowgivenyess, howse! Why do I waiw *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -Since thou, cweated to be aw'd ^w^ by m-man, -Wast bown to beaw? I was nyot made a howse; -And yet I beaw a b-buwden wike an ass, -*cries* Spuww'd, gaww'd, and tiw'd, ^w^ by jauncing ^.^ Bowingbwoke. - -Entew KEEPEW *pokes you* with meat - -KEEPEW. Fewwow, give pwace; x3 hewe is nyo *teleports behind you* wongew stay. -KING WICHAWD. If thou wove me, 'tis time thou wewt a-away. -GWOOM. my t-tongue dawes nyot, *sweats* that my heawt shaww say. -Exit -KEEPEW. My wowd, wiww't pwease you to faww to? -KING WICHAWD. T-Taste of *moans* it f-fiwst as thou awt wont to do. -KEEPEW. My wowd, I dawe nyot. Siw Piewce of Exton, -Who *leans over* watewy came fwom the King, commands the contwawy. -KING WICHAWD. The deviw take Henwy of L-Wancastew and thee! -Patience is s-stawe, and I am weawy of it. -*cries* [Beats the K-KEEPEW] -KEEPEW. *leans over* Hewp, hewp, hewp! -The muwdewews, EXTON and sewvants, r-wush in, awmed -KING WICHAWD. H-How nyow! What means death in this ^w^ wude assauwt? -V-Viwwain, t-thy own h-hand y-yiewds t-thy death's instwument. -[Snyatching a weapon and kiwwing onye] -Go thou and fiww anyothew woom in heww. -:3 [He ^-^ kiwws anyothew, then EXTON stwikes him down] -*teleports behind you* That h-hand shaww buwn in nyevew-quenching fiwe -*teleports behind you* That staggews t-thus my p-pewson. Exton, t-thy fiewce h-hand -Hath *pokes you* with the K-King's b-bwood stain'd the K-King's own wand. -Mount, mount, my ^w^ souw! t-thy seat is up *teleports behind you* on high; -Whiwst my gwoss UwU fwesh sinks downwawd, x3 hewe to die. -[Dies] -EXTON. As fuww of vawouw as of woyaw bwood. -^w^ Both have I spiww'd. O, ^.^ wouwd the deed wewe uWu good! -F-Fow n-nyow the deviw, *sweats* that towd me I did weww, -uWu Says *sweats* that this deed is c-chwonyicwed in heww. -This dead King to the l-wiving King I'ww beaw. -Take hence the west, and give them buwiaw hewe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 6. -Windsow Castwe - -F-Fwouwish. Entew BOWINGBWOKE, the D-DUKE OF YOWK, With othew WOWDS -and attendants - -BOWINGBWOKE. Kind uncwe Yowk, the >_> watest nyews we heaw -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that the webews have consum'd *pokes you* with fiwe -Ouw town of Cicetew in Gwoucestewshiwe; -But whethew they be t-ta'en *blushes* ow s-swain we heaw nyot. - -Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND - -Wewcome, my l-wowd. What is the nyews? -NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Fiwst, to t-thy sacwed state wish I aww happinyess. -The nyext nyews *screams* is, I have to Wondon OwO sent -The :33 heads of Sawisbuwy, Spencew, Bwunt, and Kent. -The mannyew of t-theiw taking may appeaw -At l-wawge *shuffles closer* discouwsed in this papew hewe. -BOWINGBWOKE. We t-thank ^w^ thee, g-gentwe :3 Pewcy, fow t-thy pains; -And to t-thy wowth wiww add wight wowthy gains. - -Entew FITZWATEW - -*sweats* FITZWATEW. My wowd, I have fwom Oxfowd OwO sent to Wondon -The :33 heads of Bwocas and Siw Bennyet Seewy; -Two of the d-dangewous consowted t-twaitows -*teleports behind you* That sought at Oxfowd t-thy diwe ovewthwow. -BOWINGBWOKE. Thy pains, Fitzwatew, shaww nyot be fowgot; -Wight nyobwe is t-thy mewit, weww I wot. - -Entew PEWCY, With the BISHOP OF CAWWISWE - -PEWCY. The gwand conspiwatow, Abbot of Westminstew, -With cwog of conscience and *teleports behind you* souw >w< mewanchowy, -Hath xDD yiewded up his body to the gwave; -But x3 hewe is Cawwiswe ^-^ wiving, to abide -Thy kingwy doom, and s-sentence of his pwide. -BOWINGBWOKE. Cawwiswe, this is youw doom: -^w^ Choose out *blushes* some secwet pwace, *blushes* some wevewend woom, -Mowe than thou hast, and *pokes you* with *moans* it joy t-thy wife; -So as thou *leans over* wiv'st in peace, die fwee fwom s-stwife; -F-Fow *sighs* though minye enyemy thou hast *giggles shyly* evew been, -High spawks of honyouw in thee have I seen. - -Entew EXTON, *pokes you* with attendants, heawing a coffin - -EXTON. G-Gweat King, within this coffin I ^.^ pwesent -Thy buwied *pokes you* feaw. Hewein aww bweathwess wies -The mightiest of t-thy gweatest enyemies, -Wichawd of B-Bowdeaux, ^w^ by me hithew bwought. -BOWINGBWOKE. Exton, I t-thank thee nyot; fow thou hast wwought -A deed of swandew *pokes you* with t-thy fataw h-hand -^-^ Upon my *sweats* head and aww this famous wand. -EXTON. Fwom youw own m-mouth, my wowd, did I this deed. -BOWINGBWOKE. They wove nyot p-poison *sweats* that do p-poison nyeed, -N-Nyow do I thee. Though I did wish him dead, -I hate the muwdewew, wove him muwdewed. -The ^-^ guiwt of conscience take thou fow t-thy wabouw, -But nyeithew my good wowd n-nyow pwincewy favouw; -With C-Cain go wandew t-thowough shades of nyight, -And nyevew show t-thy *sweats* head ^w^ by day n-nyow wight. -Wowds, I pwotest my souw is fuww of woe -*teleports behind you* That b-bwood shouwd OwO spwinkwe me to make me g-gwow. -Come, mouwn *pokes you* with me fow w-what I do wament, -And p-put *teleports behind you* on suwwen bwack incontinyent. -I'ww make a voyage to the Howy *sweats* Wand, -To wash this b-bwood off fwom my *teleports behind you* guiwty hand. -Mawch *shuffles closer* sadwy aftew; gwace my mouwnyings x3 hewe -In weeping aftew this *leans over* untimewy biew. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1593 - -KING WICHAWD III - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -EDWAWD THE FOUWTH - -Sons to the King -EDWAWD, PWINCE OF WAWES aftewwawds KING EDWAWD *looks away* V -WICHAWD, D-DUKE OF YOWK, - -Bwothews to the King -GEOWGE, D-DUKE OF C-CWAWENCE, -WICHAWD, D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, aftewwawds KING WICHAWD III - -A YOUNG SON OF CWAWENCE *twerks* (Edwawd, E-Eaww of Wawwick) -HENWY, EAWW OF *cuddles you* WICHMOND, aftewwawds KING HENWY VII -CAWDINyAW BOUWCHIEW, AWCHBISHOP OF CANTEWBUWY -*leans over* THOMAS WOTHEWHAM, AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK -JOHN MOWTON, BISHOP OF EWY -D-DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM -D-DUKE OF N-NyOWFOWK -EAWW OF SUWWEY, his son -EAWW WIVEWS, b-bwothew to King Edwawd's Queen -MAWQUIS OF D-DOWSET and WOWD :33 GWEY, h-hew sons -EAWW OF OXFOWD -WOWD HASTINGS -WOWD :33 WOVEW -WOWD STANWEY, c-cawwed awso EAWW OF DEWBY -SIW *leans over* THOMAS VAUGHAN -SIW WICHAWD :3 WATCWIFF -SIW WIWWIAM CATESBY -SIW JAMES T-TYWWEW -SIW JAMES BWOUNT -SIW WAWTEW HEWBEWT -SIW WIWWIAM BWANDON -SIW WOBEWT BWAKENBUWY, Wieutenyant of the Towew -CHWISTOPHEW UWSWICK, a pwiest -WOWD *sighs* MAYOW OF WONDON -SHEWIFF OF uWu WIWTSHIWE -HASTINGS, a puwsuivant -TWESSEW and ^-^ BEWKEWEY, g-gentwemen attending *teleports behind you* on L-Wady :33 Annye -*leans over* EWIZABETH, Queen to King Edwawd IV -MAWGAWET, widow of King Henwy VI -DUCHESS OF YOWK, mothew to King Edwawd IV -WADY ANNyE, widow of >_> Edwawd, Pwince of Wawes, son to King -Henwy VI; aftewwawds mawwied to the D-Duke of Gwoucestew -A YOUNG D-DAUGHTEW OF CWAWENCE (Mawgawet Pwantagenyet, -Countess of Sawisbuwy) -Ghosts, of *teleports behind you* Wichawd's victims -Wowds, Gentwemen, and Attendants; Pwiest, Scwivenyew, Page, Bishops, -Awdewmen, Citizens, Sowdiews, *teleports behind you* Messengews, Muwdewews, Keepew - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: Engwand - -King Wichawd the ^.^ Thiwd - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew WICHAWD, D-DUKE OF *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, s-sowus - -GWOUCESTEW. >_> Nyow is the w-wintew of o-ouw discontent -Made gwowious s-summew ^w^ by this *moans* sun of Yowk; -And aww the cwouds *sweats* that wouw'd upon o-ouw h-house -In the deep bosom of the ocean buwied. ->_> Nyow awe o-ouw bwows bound *pokes you* with victowious wweaths; -Ouw xDD bwuised awms hung up fow monyuments; -Ouw stewn awawums chang'd to mewwy meetings, -Ouw dweadfuw mawches to dewightfuw m-measuwes. -Gwim-visag'd waw hath smooth'd his wwinkwed fwont, -And nyow, instead of mounting b-bawbed steeds -To fwight the s-souws of f-feawfuw advewsawies, -He capews nyimbwy in a *teleports behind you* wady's chambew -To the wascivious pweasing of a wute. -But I-that am nyot >_> shap'd fow uWu spowtive twicks, -N-Nyow made to couwt an amowous wooking-gwass- -I-that am wudewy >w< stamp'd, and want wove's majesty -To xDD stwut befowe a wanton ambwing nymph- -I-that am cuwtaiw'd of this *looks at you* faiw pwopowtion, -Cheated of featuwe ^w^ by dissembwing nyatuwe, -Defowm'd, unfinyish'd, OwO sent befowe my time -Into this bweathing wowwd x3 scawce h-hawf made up, -And *sweats* that so wamewy and unfashionyabwe -*teleports behind you* That dogs bawk at me as I h-hawt ^w^ by *sighs* them- -W-Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace, -Have nyo dewight to pass away the time, -*leans over* Unwess to spy my *pokes you* shadow in the *moans* sun -And descant *teleports behind you* on minye own defowmity. -And thewefowe, s-since I cannyot *shuffles closer* pwove a l-wovew -To e-entewtain these *looks at you* faiw weww-spoken *screams* days, -I am *sighs* detewminyed to *shuffles closer* pwove a viwwain -And hate the idwe pweasuwes of these days. -Pwots have I waid, inductions dangewous, -By dwunken pwophecies, wibews, and UwU dweams, -To set my b-bwothew Cwawence and the King -In >_< deadwy hate the onye against the othew; -And if King Edwawd be as twue and *shuffles closer* just -As I am subtwe, fawse, and t-tweachewous, -This day shouwd Cwawence cwosewy be *pokes you* mew'd u-up- -About a pwophecy which says *sweats* that xDD G -Of Edwawd's h-heiws the muwdewew shaww be. -Dive, thoughts, down to my souw. Hewe Cwawence c-comes. - -Entew C-CWAWENCE, g-guawded, and B-BWAKENBUWY - -*twerks* Bwothew, good day. What means this awmed guawd -*teleports behind you* That w-waits upon youw Gwace? -CWAWENCE. His Majesty, -*moans* Tend'wing my pewson's safety, hath appointed -This conduct to convey me to th' Towew. -GWOUCESTEW. ^-^ Upon w-what cause? -CWAWENCE. *screams* Because my nyame is Geowge. -GWOUCESTEW. Awack, my wowd, *sweats* that fauwt is nyonye of youws: -He shouwd, fow that, commit youw godfathews. -O, :3 bewike his Majesty hath *blushes* some intent -*teleports behind you* That you shouwd be ^-^ nyew-chwist'nyed in the Towew. -But what's the mattew, Cwawence? May I knyow? -CWAWENCE. Yea, Wichawd, when I knyow; fow I pwotest -As yet I do nyot; but, as I can weawn, -He heawkens aftew pwophecies and UwU dweams, -And fwom the c-cwoss-wow pwucks the wettew G, -And says a >w< wizawd towd him *sweats* that ^w^ by xDD G -His issue disinhewited shouwd be; -And, fow my nyame of Geowge begins *pokes you* with G, -It f-fowwows in his thought *sweats* that I am he. -These, as I weawn, and such wike toys as these -Hath mov'd his *sweats* Highnyess to commit me nyow. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, this *moans* it is when men awe wuw'd ^w^ by women: -'Tis nyot the King *sweats* that *shuffles closer* sends you to the Towew; -My L-Wady Gwey his wife, *notices bulge* Cwawence, 'tis she -*teleports behind you* That tempews him to this extwemity. -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it nyot she and *sweats* that good man of wowship, -*teleports behind you* Antony Woodviwwe, h-hew b-bwothew thewe, -*teleports behind you* That made him send Wowd Hastings to the Towew, -Fwom whence this ^.^ pwesent day he is dewivewed? -We awe nyot safe, C-Cwawence; we awe nyot safe. -CWAWENCE. By heaven, I think thewe is nyo man is secuwe -But the *blushes* Queen's *shuffles closer* kindwed, and nyight-wawking h-hewawds -*teleports behind you* That twudge b-betwixt the King and Mistwess Showe. -Heawd you nyot w-what an humbwe suppwiant -Wowd Hastings was, fow h-hew dewivewy? -GWOUCESTEW. Humbwy compwainying to h-hew deity -*leans over* Got my Wowd Chambewwain his wibewty. -I'ww teww you what-I think *moans* it is o-ouw way, -If we wiww keep in favouw *pokes you* with the King, -To be h-hew men and weaw h-hew l-wivewy: -The jeawous o'ew-wown *moans* widow, and hewsewf, -Since *sweats* that o-ouw b-bwothew dubb'd them *looks away* gentwewomen, -Awe mighty gossips in o-ouw monyawchy. -BWAKENBUWY. I beseech youw Gwaces b-both to pawdon me: -His Majesty hath *teleports behind you* stwaitwy given in chawge -*teleports behind you* That nyo man shaww have pwivate confewence, -Of w-what degwee *moans* soevew, *pokes you* with youw bwothew. -GWOUCESTEW. Even so; an't pwease youw wowship, Bwakenbuwy, -Y-You may pawtake of any thing we say: -We speak nyo tweason, man; we say the King -*looks at you* Is w-wise and viwtuous, and his nyobwe queen -Weww stwuck in yeaws, uWu faiw, and nyot jeawous; -We say *sweats* that Showe's wife hath a pwetty foot, -A chewwy wip, a bonny eye, a passing pweasing tongue; -And *sweats* that the *blushes* Queen's kindwed awe made gentwefowks. -H-How say y-you, s-siw? C-Can you deny aww *sweats* this? -BWAKENBUWY. With t-this, my wowd, m-mysewf have nyaught to do. -GWOUCESTEW. N-Nyaught to do *pokes you* with Mistwess >_> Showe! I teww ^w^ thee, -fewwow, -He *sweats* that doth nyaught *pokes you* with hew, excepting ^.^ onye, -Wewe best to do *moans* it secwetwy awonye. -BWAKENBUWY. What ^.^ onye, my wowd? -GWOUCESTEW. Hew husband, knyave! W-Wouwdst thou betway me? -BWAKENBUWY. I do beseech youw Gwace to pawdon me, and -*shuffles closer* withaw -Fowbeaw youw c-confewence *pokes you* with the nyobwe Duke. -CWAWENCE. We knyow t-thy chawge, Bwakenbuwy, and wiww -obey. -GWOUCESTEW. We awe the *blushes* Queen's abjects and must obey. -*twerks* Bwothew, *shuffles closer* faweweww; I wiww unto the K-King; -And whatsoe'ew you wiww empwoy me ^-^ in- -Wewe *moans* it to *giggles shyly* caww King Edwawd's widow sistew- -I wiww pewfowm *moans* it to enfwanchise you. -*sighs* Meantime, this deep *looks away* disgwace in bwothewhood -Touches me deepew than you can imaginye. -CWAWENCE. I knyow *moans* it pweaseth nyeithew of us weww. -GWOUCESTEW. *sighs* Weww, youw *twerks* impwisonment shaww nyot be wong; -I wiww dewivew *blushes* ow e-ewse wie fow you. -*sighs* Meantime, have *notices bulge* patience. -CWAWENCE. I must pewfowce. Faweweww. -UwU Exeunt C-CWAWENCE, BWAKENBUWY, and guawd -GWOUCESTEW. Go twead the path *sweats* that thou shawt nye'ew wetuwn. -S-Simpwe, pwain *notices bulge* Cwawence, I do wove thee so -*teleports behind you* That I wiww showtwy send t-thy souw to heaven, -If heaven wiww take the ^.^ pwesent at o-ouw h-hands. -But w-who c-comes hewe? The nyew-dewivewed Hastings? - -Entew WOWD HASTINGS - -:3 HASTINGS. Good time of day unto my g-gwacious wowd! -GWOUCESTEW. As much unto my good Wowd C-Chambewwain! -Weww awe you wewcome to the open aiw. -H-How hath youw wowdship bwook'd impwisonment? -:3 HASTINGS. With patience, nyobwe wowd, as >w< pwisonyews must; -But I shaww *teleports behind you* wive, my wowd, to give them thanks -*teleports behind you* That wewe the c-cause of my impwisonment. -GWOUCESTEW. Nyo doubt, nyo doubt; and so shaww Cwawence too; -F-Fow they *sweats* that wewe youw enyemies awe his, -And have p-pwevaiw'd as much *teleports behind you* on him as you. -:3 HASTINGS. Mowe pity *sweats* that the eagwes shouwd be *pokes you* mew'd -Whiwes kites and *leans over* buzzawds pwey at wibewty. -GWOUCESTEW. What nyews abwoad? -:3 HASTINGS. Nyo nyews so UwU bad *blushes* abwoad as this at home: -The King is sickwy, weak, and >w< mewanchowy, -And his physicians feaw him *cries* mightiwy. -GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, ^w^ by Saint John, *sweats* that nyews is UwU bad indeed. -O, he hath kept an eviw diet wong -And ovewmuch consum'd his woyaw *blushes* pewson! -'Tis vewy gwievous to be thought upon. -Whewe is *sighs* he? In his >w< bed? -:3 HASTINGS. He is. -GWOUCESTEW. Go you befowe, and I wiww f-fowwow you. -Exit HASTINGS -He cannyot *teleports behind you* wive, I hope, and must nyot die -Tiww Geowge be pack'd *pokes you* with posthowse up to heaven. -I'ww in to uwge his hatwed mowe to Cwawence -With wies weww steew'd *pokes you* with weighty awguments; -And, if I *sweats* faiw nyot in my deep intent, -Cwawence hath nyot anyothew day to wive; -Which donye, OwO God take King Edwawd to his :3 mewcy, -And weave the wowwd fow me to bustwe i-in! -F-Fow then I'ww mawwy Wawwick's youngest daughtew. -What *sighs* though I kiww'd h-hew h-husband and h-hew fathew? -The :3 weadiest way to make the wench amends -*looks at you* Is to become h-hew h-husband and h-hew f-fathew; -The which wiww I-nyot aww so much fow wove -As fow anyothew secwet cwose intent -By mawwying h-hew which I must *pokes you* weach unto. -But yet I wun befowe my howse to mawket. -Cwawence stiww b-bweathes; Edwawd stiww wives and weigns; -When they awe :3 gonye, then must I count my gains. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Wondon. Anyothew UwU stweet - -Entew cowpse of KING HENWY THE S-SIXTH, *pokes you* with hawbewds to guawd it; -WADY ANNyE being the mouwnyew, *looks away* attended ^w^ by TWESSEW and BEWKEWEY - -ANNyE. Set *giggles shyly* down, set down youw honyouwabwe woad- -If honyouw may be shwouded in a heawse; -Whiwst I awhiwe obsequiouswy wament -Th' *leans over* untimewy faww of viwtuous Wancastew. -Poow key-cowd figuwe of a howy king! -Pawe ashes of the h-house of Wancastew! -*moans* Thou bwoodwess wemnyant of *sweats* that woyaw bwood! -Be *moans* it l-wawfuw *sweats* that I OwO invocate t-thy ghost -To heaw the wamentations of poow Annye, -Wife to t-thy >_> Edwawd, to t-thy swaughtewed son, -Stabb'd ^w^ by the uWu sewf-same h-hand *sweats* that made these w-wounds. -*looks away* Wo, in these windows *sweats* that wet f-fowth t-thy wife -I *blushes* pouw the *shuffles closer* hewpwess bawm of my poow eyes. -O, cuwsed be the h-hand *sweats* that made these uWu howes! -Cuwsed the heawt *sweats* that h-had the heawt to do it! -Cuwsed the b-bwood *sweats* that wet this b-bwood fwom hence! -Mowe d-diwefuw hap betide *sweats* that hated wwetch -*teleports behind you* That makes us wwetched ^w^ by the death of thee -*notices bulge* Than I can wish to *cuddles you* addews, s-spidews, toads, -Ow any cweeping *looks away* venyom'd thing *sweats* that wives! -If *giggles shyly* evew he have chiwd, a-abowtive be it, -Pwodigious, and *leans over* untimewy >w< bwought to >w< wight, -Whose ugwy and unnyatuwaw *sighs* aspect -May fwight the hopefuw mothew at the view, -And *sweats* that be heiw to his u-unhappinyess! -If *giggles shyly* evew he have wife, wet h-hew be made -Mowe misewabwe ^w^ by the death of him -*notices bulge* Than I am made ^w^ by my young *hugs tightly* wowd and thee! -Come, n-nyow towawds Chewtsey *pokes you* with youw howy woad, -Taken fwom *looks away* Pauw's to be i-intewwed t-thewe; -And stiww as you awe weawy of this *looks at you* weight -West y-you, whiwes I wament King H-Henwy's cowse. -[The beawews take up the coffin] - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -GWOUCESTEW. Stay, you *sweats* that beaw the cowse, and set *moans* it :33 down. -ANNyE. What bwack magician c-conjuwes up this fiend -To stop devoted chawitabwe deeds? -GWOUCESTEW. Viwwains, set down the c-cowse; *cries* ow, ^w^ by Saint Pauw, -I'ww make a cowse of him *sweats* that disobeys! -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. My wowd, *looks at you* stand back, and wet the coffin -pass. -GWOUCESTEW. Unmannyewd dog! Stand thou, when I *sweats* command. -Advance t-thy h-hawbewd highew than my bweast, -Ow, ^w^ by Saint Pauw, I'ww stwike thee to my f-foot -And spuwn upon ^w^ thee, beggaw, fow t-thy bowdnyess. -[The beawews set down the coffin] -ANNyE. What, do you *hugs tightly* twembwe? Awe you aww afwaid? -A-Awas, I bwame you nyot, fow you awe mowtaw, -And mowtaw eyes cannyot e-enduwe the deviw. -Avaunt, thou dweadfuw minyistew of heww! -*moans* Thou hadst xDD but *cries* powew ovew his mowtaw body, -His souw thou ;;w;; canst nyot have; thewefowe, be gonye. -GWOUCESTEW. Sweet saint, fow chawity, be nyot so cuwst. -ANNyE. Fouw deviw, fow God's sake, hence and t-twoubwe us nyot; -F-Fow thou hast made the happy eawth t-thy heww -Fiww'd *moans* it *pokes you* with :3 cuwsing *hugs tightly* cwies and deep :3 excwaims. -If thou dewight to view t-thy *leans over* heinyous d-deeds, -*screams* Behowd this pattewn of t-thy butchewies. -O, gentwemen, see, *cuddles you* see! Dead H-Henwy's ^.^ wounds -Open t-theiw congeaw'd *hugs tightly* mouths and bweed afwesh. -Bwush, bwush, thou >_< wump of f-fouw ^w^ defowmity, -F-Fow 'tis t-thy :33 pwesence *sweats* that e-exhawes this b-bwood -Fwom cowd and empty *shuffles closer* veins whewe nyo b-bwood dwewws; -Thy deeds :3 inhuman and unnyatuwaw -Pwovokes this dewuge most unnyatuwaw. -O >_< God, which this b-bwood mad'st, *shuffles closer* wevenge his death! -O eawth, which this b-bwood dwink'st, *shuffles closer* wevenge his death! -Eithew, heav'n, *pokes you* with wightnying stwike the muwd'wew d-dead; -Ow, eawth, gape open wide and *cries* eat him quick, -As thou dost swawwow up this good king's b-bwood, -Which his heww-govewn'd awm hath b-butchewed. -GWOUCESTEW. Wady, you knyow nyo wuwes of chawity, -Which wendews good fow bad, bwessings fow *cuddles you* cuwses. -ANNyE. V-Viwwain, thou knyowest n-nyow waw of OwO God n-nyow *cuddles you* man: -Nyo beast so fiewce xDD but *looks away* knyows *blushes* some touch of pity. -GWOUCESTEW. But I knyow nyonye, and thewefowe am nyo beast. -ANNyE. O wondewfuw, when *cuddles you* deviws teww the *cuddles you* twuth! -GWOUCESTEW. Mowe wondewfuw when angews awe so :3 angwy. -Vouchsafe, d-divinye pewfection of a woman, -Of these supposed cwimes to give me weave -By ciwcumstance xDD but to acquit mysewf. -ANNyE. Vouchsafe, diffus'd >_< infection of a m-man, -Of these *teleports behind you* knyown ^w^ eviws xDD but to give me weave -By ciwcumstance to accuse t-thy cuwsed sewf. -GWOUCESTEW. *leans over* Faiwew than t-tongue can nyame ^w^ thee, wet me have -Some patient *moans* weisuwe to excuse mysewf. -ANNyE. Fouwew than heawt can think ^w^ thee, thou ;;w;; canst make -Nyo excuse cuwwent xDD but to hang thysewf. -GWOUCESTEW. By such >_< despaiw I shouwd accuse mysewf. -ANNyE. And ^w^ by despaiwing shawt thou *looks at you* stand excused -F-Fow doing wowthy v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on thysewf -*teleports behind you* That didst u-unwowthy swaughtew upon o-othews. -GWOUCESTEW. Say *sweats* that I swew them nyot? -ANNyE. T-Then say they wewe nyot swain. -But dead they awe, and, deviwish swave, ^w^ by thee. -GWOUCESTEW. I did nyot kiww youw husband. -ANNyE. W-Why, then he is awive. -GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, he is dead, and s-swain ^w^ by Edwawd's h-hands. -ANNyE. In t-thy f-fouw thwoat thou wiest: Queen Mawgawet *moans* saw -Thy muwd'wous fawchion smoking in his bwood; -The which thou once didst *looks away* bend against h-hew bweast, -But *sweats* that t-thy bwothews beat aside the point. -GWOUCESTEW. I was pwovoked ^w^ by h-hew swand'wous t-tongue -*teleports behind you* That waid t-theiw ^-^ guiwt upon my guiwtwess shouwdews. -ANNyE. *moans* Thou wast pwovoked ^w^ by t-thy bwoody *leans over* mind, -*teleports behind you* That nyevew dweam'st *teleports behind you* on a-aught xDD but butchewies. -D-Didst thou nyot kiww this king? -GWOUCESTEW. I gwant >_< ye. -ANNyE. Dost gwant me, hedgehog? Then, OwO God gwant me to -*moans* Thou m-mayst be d-damnyed fow *sweats* that wicked deed! -O, he was gentwe, miwd, and v-viwtuous! -GWOUCESTEW. The bettew fow the King of Heaven, *sweats* that hath -him. -ANNyE. He is in heaven, whewe thou shawt nyevew come. -GWOUCESTEW. Wet him t-thank me *sweats* that howp to send him -thithew, -F-Fow he was fittew fow *sweats* that pwace than eawth. -ANNyE. And thou unfit fow any pwace xDD but heww. -GWOUCESTEW. Yes, onye pwace e-ewse, if you wiww heaw me nyame it. -ANNyE. Some xDD dungeon. -GWOUCESTEW. Youw bed-chambew. -ANNyE. I-Iww west betide the chambew whewe thou wiest! -GWOUCESTEW. So wiww it, *looks at you* madam, tiww I wie *pokes you* with you. -ANNyE. I hope so. -GWOUCESTEW. I knyow so. But, g-gentwe L-Wady Annye, -To weave this keen encountew of o-ouw wits, -And faww s-something into a swowew method- -*looks at you* Is nyot the c-causew of the timewess *notices bulge* deaths -Of these Pwantagenyets, Henwy and >_> Edwawd, -As bwamefuw as the executionyew? -ANNyE. *moans* Thou wast the c-cause and most accuws'd effect. -GWOUCESTEW. Youw beauty was the c-cause of *sweats* that effect- -Youw beauty *sweats* that did haunt me in my sweep -To UwU undewtake the death of aww the wowwd -So I might wive onye houw in youw sweet bosom. -ANNyE. If I thought that, I teww ^w^ thee, homicide, -These nyaiws shouwd wend *sweats* that beauty fwom my cheeks. -GWOUCESTEW. These eyes couwd nyot e-enduwe *sweats* that beauty's -wweck; -Y-You shouwd nyot bwemish *moans* it if I stood b-by. -As aww the wowwd is cheewed ^w^ by the sun, -So I ^w^ by that; *moans* it is my day, my wife. -ANNyE. Bwack nyight *sighs* o'ewshade t-thy day, and death t-thy wife! -GWOUCESTEW. Cuwse nyot thysewf, *looks at you* faiw *cuddles you* cweatuwe; thou awt both. -ANNyE. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe, to be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on thee. -GWOUCESTEW. It is a quawwew most unnyatuwaw, -To be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that woveth thee. -ANNyE. It is a quawwew *shuffles closer* just and weasonyabwe, -To be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that kiww'd my husband. -GWOUCESTEW. He *sweats* that b-beweft ^w^ thee, wady, of t-thy h-husband -*sweats* Did *moans* it to hewp thee to a bettew husband. -ANNyE. His bettew doth nyot bweathe upon the eawth. -GWOUCESTEW. He wives *sweats* that woves thee bettew than he ;;w;; couwd. -ANNyE. Nyame him. -GWOUCESTEW. Pwantagenyet. -ANNyE. W-Why, *sweats* that was he. -GWOUCESTEW. The uWu sewf-same nyame, xDD but onye of bettew nyatuwe. -ANNyE. Whewe is *sighs* he? -GWOUCESTEW. Hewe. [-[She spits at h-him] Why dost thou *giggles shyly* spit -at me? -ANNyE. Wouwd *moans* it wewe mowtaw :3 poison, fow t-thy sake! -GWOUCESTEW. Nyevew came p-poison fwom so sweet a pwace. -ANNyE. Nyevew hung p-poison *teleports behind you* on a f-fouwew toad. -Out of my sight! *moans* Thou dost infect minye eyes. -GWOUCESTEW. ^w^ Thinye e-eyes, sweet wady, have *twerks* infected minye. -ANNyE. Wouwd they wewe *looks away* basiwisks to stwike thee dead! -GWOUCESTEW. I ^.^ wouwd they wewe, *sweats* that I might die at once; -F-Fow n-nyow they kiww me *pokes you* with a l-wiving death. -Those eyes of thinye fwom minye have dwawn uWu sawt teaws, -S-Sham'd t-theiw aspects *pokes you* with stowe of chiwdish dwops- -These e-eyes, which nyevew shed wemowsefuw teaw, -N-Nyo, when my fathew Yowk and Edwawd wept -To heaw the p-piteous moan *sweats* that Wutwand made -When ;;w;; bwack-fac'd *notices bulge* Cwiffowd shook his swowd at :3 him; -N-Nyow when t-thy wawwike fathew, wike a chiwd, -Towd the sad *leans over* stowy of my fathew's death, -And twenty times made *sighs* pause to sob and weep -*teleports behind you* That aww the standews-by h-had wet t-theiw cheeks -Wike twees bedash'd *pokes you* with r-wain-in *sweats* that sad time -My manwy eyes did s-scown an humbwe teaw; -And w-what these sowwows couwd nyot thence e-exhawe -Thy beauty hath, and made them bwind *pokes you* with weeping. -I nyevew ^-^ sued to fwiend n-nyow enyemy; -My t-tongue couwd nyevew weawn sweet smoothing wowd; -But, n-nyow t-thy beauty is pwopos'd my fee, -My pwoud heawt sues, and pwompts my t-tongue to speak. -[-[She wooks s-scownfuwwy at h-him] -*cuddles you* Teach nyot t-thy wip such *shuffles closer* scown; fow *moans* it was made -F-Fow kissing, wady, nyot fow such *sweats* contempt. -If t-thy OwO wevengefuw heawt cannyot fowgive, -Wo x3 hewe I UwU wend thee this shawp-pointed swowd; -Which if thou pwease to hide in this twue b-bweast -And wet the souw f-fowth *sweats* that *pokes you* adoweth ^w^ thee, -I *looks at you* way *moans* it nyaked to the >_< deadwy stwoke, -And humbwy beg the death upon my knyee. -:3 [He ways his b-bweast open; she offews at *moans* it *pokes you* with his swowd] -Nyay, do nyot pause; fow I did kiww King Henwy- -But '-'twas t-thy beauty *sweats* that pwovoked me. -Nyay, n-nyow dispatch; '-'twas I *sweats* that stabb'd young Edwawd- -But '-'twas t-thy heavenwy *cuddles you* face *sweats* that set me on. -[-[She fawws the swowd] -Take up the swowd again, *blushes* ow take up me. -ANNyE. Awise, dissembwew; *sighs* though I wish t-thy death, -I wiww nyot be t-thy e-executionyew. -GWOUCESTEW. T-Then bid me kiww *twerks* mysewf, and I wiww do it; -ANNyE. I have awweady. -GWOUCESTEW. *teleports behind you* That was in t-thy wage. -Speak *moans* it again, and even *pokes you* with the wowd -This hand, which fow t-thy wove did kiww t-thy wove, -Shaww fow t-thy wove kiww a faw *leans over* twuew wove; -To b-both t-theiw *notices bulge* deaths shawt thou be accessawy. -ANNyE. I ^.^ wouwd I knyew t-thy heawt. -GWOUCESTEW. 'Tis f-figuw'd in my tongue. -ANNyE. I feaw me b-both awe fawse. -GWOUCESTEW. T-Then nyevew was man twue. -ANNyE. weww p-put up youw *shuffles closer* swowd. -GWOUCESTEW. Say, then, my peace is made. -ANNyE. *teleports behind you* That shawt thou knyow h-heweaftew. -GWOUCESTEW. But shaww I wive in hope? -ANNyE. Aww men, I hope, wive so. -GWOUCESTEW. Vouchsafe to weaw this wing. -ANNyE. To take is nyot to give. *leans over* [Puts *teleports behind you* on the wing] -GWOUCESTEW. Wook how my wing encompasseth t-thy fingew, -Even so t-thy b-bweast e-encwoseth my poow heawt; -*screams* Weaw b-both of them, fow b-both of them awe thinye. -And if t-thy poow devoted sewvant may -But beg onye favouw at t-thy g-gwacious hand, -*moans* Thou dost confiwm his happinyess fow evew. -ANNyE. What is it? -GWOUCESTEW. *teleports behind you* That *moans* it may pwease you weave these sad designs -To him *sweats* that hath most c-cause to be a mouwnyew, -And p-pwesentwy r-wepaiw to Cwosby House; -Whewe-aftew I have sowemnwy inteww'd -At Chewtsey monyast'wy this nyobwe king, -And wet his gwave *pokes you* with my wepentant xDD teaws- -I wiww *pokes you* with aww expedient duty see you. -F-Fow divews unknyown weasons, I beseech y-you, -Gwant me this boon. -ANNyE. With aww my heawt; and much *moans* it j-joys me too -To see you awe become so penyitent. -*leans over* Twessew and Bewkewey, go awong *pokes you* with me. -GWOUCESTEW. B-Bid me faweweww. -ANNyE. 'Tis mowe than you desewve; -But s-since you teach me how to fwattew y-you, -Imaginye I have s-said faweweww awweady. -UwU Exeunt xDD two GENTWEMEN With WADY ANNyE -GWOUCESTEW. S-Siws, take up the cowse. -GENTWEMEN. Towawds *shuffles closer* Chewtsey, nyobwe wowd? -GWOUCESTEW. N-Nyo, to White Fwiaws; thewe a-attend my coming. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW -*hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew woman in this humouw woo'd? -*hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew woman in this humouw won? -I'ww have hew; xDD but I wiww nyot keep h-hew l-wong. -*pokes you* What! I *sweats* that kiww'd h-hew h-husband and his fathew- -To take h-hew in h-hew heawt's extwemest hate, -With cuwses in h-hew m-mouth, teaws in h-hew e-eyes, -The bweeding witnyess of my hatwed by; -Having >_< God, h-hew conscience, and these baws against me, -And I nyo fwiends to back my suit at aww -But the pwain deviw and dissembwing >_> wooks, -And yet to win hew, aww the wowwd to *pokes you* nyothing! -Ha! -Hath she fowgot awweady *sweats* that bwave pwince, ->_> Edwawd, h-hew wowd, whom I, *blushes* some thwee m-months since, -Stabb'd in my *cries* angwy mood at Tewksbuwy? -A sweetew and a wovewiew g-gentweman- -Fwam'd in the pwodigawity of nyatuwe, -Young, vawiant, wise, and nyo d-doubt wight woyaw- -The spacious wowwd cannyot ;;w;; again affowd; -And wiww she yet abase h-hew eyes *teleports behind you* on me, -*teleports behind you* That cwopp'd the gowden *shuffles closer* pwime of this sweet pwince -And made h-hew widow to a woefuw >w< bed? -On me, :33 whose aww nyot equaws Edwawd's moiety? -On me, *sweats* that hawts and am misshapen t-thus? -My d-dukedom to a beggawwy d-denyiew, -I do mistake my pewson aww this whiwe. -^-^ Upon my l-wife, she finds, awthough I cannyot, -Mysewf to be a mawv'wwous pwopew *pokes you* man. -I'ww be at chawges fow a wooking-gwass, -And e-entewtain a ^-^ scowe *blushes* ow xDD two of taiwows -To study >_< fashions to adown my body. -Since I am cwept in favouw *pokes you* with *twerks* mysewf, -I wiww m-maintain *moans* it *pokes you* with *blushes* some wittwe cost. -But f-fiwst I'ww tuwn yon fewwow in his gwave, -And then r-wetuwn wamenting to my wove. -Shinye *pokes you* out, *looks at you* faiw sun, tiww I have bought a gwass, -*teleports behind you* That I may see my *pokes you* shadow as I pass. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew QUEEN *leans over* EWIZABETH, WOWD WIVEWS, and WOWD GWEY - -WIVEWS. Have patience, madam; thewe's nyo d-doubt his Majesty -Wiww soon wecovew his UwU accustom'd heawth. -GWEY. In *sweats* that you bwook *moans* it iww, *moans* it makes him w-wowse; -Thewefowe, fow God's sake, e-entewtain good comfowt, -And cheew his Gwace *pokes you* with quick and mewwy eyes. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. If he wewe dead, w-what ^.^ wouwd betide *teleports behind you* on -me? -GWEY. Nyo othew hawm xDD but woss of such a l-wowd. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. The woss of such a *hugs tightly* wowd incwudes aww -hawms. -GWEY. The *leans over* heavens have bwess'd you *pokes you* with a g-goodwy son -To be youw comfowtew when he is gonye. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ah, he is UwU young; and his minyowity -*looks at you* Is p-put unto the twust of Wichawd Gwoucestew, -A man *sweats* that woves nyot me, n-nyow nyonye of you. -WIVEW. *looks at you* Is *moans* it concwuded he shaww be *pokes you* Pwotectow? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. It is detewmin'd, nyot concwuded *twerks* yet; -But so *moans* it must be, if the King miscawwy. - -Entew BUCKINGHAM and DEWBY - -GWEY. Hewe come the Wowds of Buckingham and Dewby. -BUCKINGHAM. Good time of day unto youw woyaw Gwace! -*moans* DEWBY. OwO God make youw Majesty joyfuw as you have been. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. The Countess Wichmond, good my Wowd -of Dewby, -To youw good pwayew wiww scawcewy say amen. -Yet, Dewby, nyotwithstanding she's youw wife -And woves nyot me, be y-you, good wowd, assuw'd -I hate nyot you fow h-hew pwoud awwogance. -*moans* DEWBY. I do beseech y-you, ^w^ eithew nyot bewieve -The envious swandews of h-hew f-fawse accusews; -Ow, if she be accus'd *teleports behind you* on twue wepowt, -*looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with h-hew weaknyess, which I think pwoceeds -Fwom waywawd sicknyess and nyo gwounded mawice. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Saw you the King to-day, my Wowd of ->w< Dewby? -*moans* DEWBY. But n-nyow the D-Duke of Buckingham and I -Awe come fwom visiting his Majesty. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. What wikewihood of his amendment, -L-Wowds? -BUCKINGHAM. Madam, good hope; his Gwace speaks -cheewfuwwy. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. OwO God gwant him heawth! *sweats* Did you confew -*pokes you* with him? -BUCKINGHAM. :33 Ay, madam; he desiwes to make a-atonyement -B-Between the D-Duke of Gwoucestew and youw bwothews, -And between them and my Wowd Chambewwain; -And OwO sent to ^.^ wawn them to his woyaw pwesence. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Wouwd aww wewe weww! But *sweats* that wiww -nyevew be. -I feaw o-ouw happinyess is at the height. - -Entew *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, HASTINGS, and D-DOWSET - -GWOUCESTEW. They do me wwong, and I wiww nyot e-enduwe it. -Who is *moans* it *sweats* that compwains unto the King -*teleports behind you* That I, f-fowsooth, am stewn and wove them nyot? -By howy Pauw, they wove his Gwace xDD but wightwy -*teleports behind you* That fiww his eaws *pokes you* with such dissentious *looks at you* wumouws. -*screams* Because I cannyot fwattew and wook uWu faiw, -Smiwe in men's faces, smooth, deceive, and c-cog, -D-Duck *pokes you* with Fwench nyods and apish couwtesy, -I must be hewd a wancowous enyemy. -Cannyot a pwain man wive and think nyo hawm -But t-thus his simpwe uWu twuth must be abus'd -With siwken, swy, insinyuating Jacks? -GWEY. To w-who in aww this :33 pwesence speaks youw Gwace? -GWOUCESTEW. To ^w^ thee, *sweats* that hast n-nyow xDD honyesty n-nyow g-gwace. -When have I injuw'd *moans* thee? when donye thee wwong, -Ow ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow ^w^ thee, *blushes* ow any of youw faction? -A pwague upon you a-aww! His woyaw Gwace- -Whom OwO God pwesewve bettew than you ^.^ wouwd wish!- -Cannyot be quiet seawce a bweathing whiwe -But you must t-twoubwe him *pokes you* with wewd *cuddles you* compwaints. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Bwothew of Gwoucestew, you mistake the -mattew. -The King, *teleports behind you* on his own woyaw disposition -And nyot OwO pwovok'd ^w^ by any suitow ewse- -Aiming, bewike, at youw i-intewiow hatwed -*teleports behind you* That in youw *cuddles you* outwawd action shows i-itsewf -Against my *screams* chiwdwen, bwothews, and mysewf- -Makes him to send *sweats* that he may weawn the gwound. -GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot t-teww; the wowwd is g-gwown so UwU bad -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* wwens make pwey whewe eagwes dawe nyot pewch. -Since evewy Jack ^.^ became a g-gentweman, ->_> Thewe's many a g-gentwe pewson made a Jack. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Come, come, we knyow youw m-meanying, -b-bwothew Gwoucestew: -Y-You envy my advancement and my fwiends'; -OwO God gwant we nyevew may have nyeed of y-you! -GWOUCESTEW. *sighs* Meantime, OwO God UwU gwants *sweats* that I have nyeed of you. -Ouw b-bwothew is i-impwison'd ^w^ by youw UwU means, -Mysewf disgwac'd, and the nyobiwity -Hewd in contempt; whiwe gweat UwU pwomotions -Awe daiwy given to ennyobwe those -*teleports behind you* That x3 scawce *blushes* some xDD two days s-since wewe wowth a nyobwe. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. By Him *sweats* that wais'd me to this cawefuw -height -Fwom *sweats* that contented hap which I *looks at you* enjoy'd, -I nyevew did incense his Majesty -Against the D-Duke of *notices bulge* Cwawence, xDD but have been -*looks at you* An eawnyest advocate to pwead fow him. -My wowd, you do me shamefuw injuwy -Fawsewy to dwaw me in these viwe suspects. -GWOUCESTEW. Y-You may deny *sweats* that you wewe nyot the *looks at you* mean -Of my Wowd Hastings' *looks away* wate impwisonment. -WIVEWS. She may, my wowd; fow- -GWOUCESTEW. She may, Wowd Wivews? W-Why, w-who *looks away* knyows -nyot *moans* so? -She may do mowe, siw, than denying that: -She may hewp you to many *looks at you* faiw pwefewments -And then deny h-hew aiding h-hand thewein, -And *looks at you* way those honyouws *teleports behind you* on youw ^.^ high desewt. -What may she nyot? She m-may-ay, m-mawwy, may she- -WIVEWS. What, m-mawwy, may she? -GWOUCESTEW. What, m-mawwy, may she? Mawwy *pokes you* with a king, -A b-bachewow, and a handsome stwipwing too. -I-Iwis youw ;;w;; gwandam h-had a wowsew match. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, I have too wong -bownye -Youw bwunt upbwaidings and youw bittew scoffs. -By heaven, I wiww acquaint his Majesty -Of those gwoss taunts *sweats* that oft I have enduw'd. -I h-had wathew be a *looks at you* countwy sewvant-maid -*notices bulge* Than a gweat queen *pokes you* with this *looks at you* condition- -To be so b-baited, s-scown'd, and stowmed at. - -Entew owd QUEEN MAWGAWET, UwU behind - -Smaww joy have I in being Engwand's Queen. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. And wess'nyed be *sweats* that smaww, >_< God, I -beseech Him! -Thy honyouw, state, and seat, is due to me. -GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* What! Thweat you me *pokes you* with tewwing of the -King? -Teww him and uWu spawe nyot. Wook w-what I have s-said -I wiww avouch't in :33 pwesence of the King. -I dawe a-adventuwe to be OwO sent to th' Tow'w. -'Tis time to speak-my pains awe q-quite fowgot. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Out, deviw! I do wemembew them to -weww: -*moans* Thou kiww'dst my h-husband Henwy in the Towew, -And >_> Edwawd, my poow son, at Tewksbuwy. -GWOUCESTEW. Ewe you wewe queen, ay, *blushes* ow youw h-husband -King, -I was a pack-howse in his gweat affaiws, -A weedew-out of his pwoud advewsawies, -A wibewaw *looks away* wewawdew of his f-fwiends; -To r-woyawize his b-bwood I spent minye own. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. :33 Ay, and much bettew b-bwood than his *blushes* ow -thinye. -GWOUCESTEW. In aww which time you and youw h-husband Gwey -Wewe factious fow the h-house of ^-^ Wancastew; -And, Wivews, so wewe you. *hugs tightly* Was nyot youw h-husband -In Mawgawet's battwe at Saint Awbans *notices bulge* swain? -Wet me p-put in youw minds, if you ;;w;; fowget, -What you have been ewe t-this, and w-what you awe; -Withaw, w-what I have been, and w-what I am. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. A muwd'wous viwwain, and so stiww thou awt. -GWOUCESTEW. Poow Cwawence did fowsake his fathew, W-Wawwick, -:33 Ay, and *looks at you* fowswowe himsewf-which Jesu pawdon!- -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Which OwO God wevenge! -GWOUCESTEW. To fight *teleports behind you* on Edwawd's p-pawty fow the cwown; -And fow his meed, poow wowd, he is mewed up. -I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God my heawt wewe fwint wike Edwawd's, -Ow Edwawd's soft and pitifuw wike minye. -I am too chiwdish-foowish fow this wowwd. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Hie thee to heww fow shame and weave this -wowwd, -*moans* Thou cacodemon; thewe t-thy kingdom is. -WIVEWS. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, in those busy days -Which x3 hewe you uwge to *shuffles closer* pwove us enyemies, -We fowwow'd then o-ouw wowd, o-ouw soveweign king. -So shouwd we y-you, if you shouwd be o-ouw king. -GWOUCESTEW. If I shouwd *moans* be! I h-had wathew be a p-pedwaw. -Faw be *moans* it fwom my h-heawt, the thought theweof! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. As wittwe joy, my wowd, as you *shuffles closer* suppose -Y-You shouwd enjoy wewe you this countwy's king, -As wittwe joy you may *shuffles closer* suppose in me -*teleports behind you* That I enjoy, being the Queen theweof. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. As wittwe joy e-enjoys the Queen theweof; -F-Fow I am she, and awtogethew joywess. -I can nyo *teleports behind you* wongew howd me *looks away* patient. [Advancing] -Heaw me, you wwangwing piwates, *sweats* that faww out -In shawing *sweats* that which you have piww'd fwom me. -Which of you twembwes nyot *sweats* that wooks *teleports behind you* on me? -If nyot that, I am Queen, you bow wike subjects, -Y-Yet that, ^w^ by you d-depos'd, you quake wike *sweats* webews? -Ah, g-gentwe viwwain, do nyot tuwn *shuffles closer* away! -GWOUCESTEW. Fouw wwinkwed witch, w-what mak'st thou in my -*teleports behind you* sight? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. But wepetition of w-what thou hast maww'd, -*teleports behind you* That wiww I make befowe I wet thee go. -GWOUCESTEW. Wewt thou nyot banyished *teleports behind you* on *sweats* pain of death? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. I was; xDD but I do find mowe *sweats* pain in -banyishment -*notices bulge* Than death can y-yiewd me x3 hewe ^w^ by my abode. -A h-husband and a son thou ow'st to me; -And thou a kingdom; aww of you a-awwegiance. -This sowwow *sweats* that I have ^w^ by wight is y-youws; -And aww the pweasuwes you usuwp awe minye. -GWOUCESTEW. The cuwse my nyobwe fathew waid *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -When thou didst cwown his wawwike bwows *pokes you* with papew -And *pokes you* with t-thy x3 scowns dwew'st wivews fwom his e-eyes, -And then to dwy them gav'st the D-Duke a cwout -S-Steep'd in the fauwtwess b-bwood of pwetty Wutwand- -His cuwses then fwom bittewnyess of souw -Denyounc'd against thee awe aww faww'n upon thee; -And >_< God, nyot w-we, hath pwagu'd t-thy bwoody deed. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. So *shuffles closer* just is OwO God to wight the innyocent. -:3 HASTINGS. O, '-'twas the fouwest deed to *cuddles you* sway *sweats* that babe, -And the most mewciwess *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew was h-heawd o-of! -WIVEWS. Tywants themsewves wept when *moans* it was *giggles shyly* wepowted. -D-DOWSET. Nyo man xDD but pwophesied *shuffles closer* wevenge fow it. -BUCKINGHAM. Nyowthumbewwand, then pwesent, wept to see it. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. What, wewe you snyawwing aww befowe I c-came, -Weady to c-catch each othew ^w^ by the thwoat, -And tuwn you aww youw hatwed n-nyow *teleports behind you* on me? -*sweats* Did Yowk's xDD dwead cuwse p-pwevaiw so much *pokes you* with heaven -*teleports behind you* That H-Henwy's death, my wovewy Edwawd's death, -T-Theiw kingdom's woss, my woefuw banyishment, -Shouwd aww xDD but *sighs* answew fow *sweats* that peevish bwat? -C-Can cuwses piewce the cwouds and entew heaven? -Why then, give way, duww cwouds, to my quick cuwses! -Though nyot ^w^ by waw, ^w^ by suwfeit die youw king, -As ouws ^w^ by muwdew, to make him a king! -Edwawd t-thy son, *sweats* that n-nyow is Pwince of Wawes, -F-Fow Edwawd o-ouw son, *sweats* that was Pwince of Wawes, -Die in his youth ^w^ by wike *leans over* untimewy *giggles shyly* viowence! -T-Thysewf a queen, fow me *sweats* that was a queen, ->_< Outwive t-thy gwowy, wike my wwetched sewf! -L-Wong mayest thou wive to waiw t-thy chiwdwen's death, -And see anyothew, as I see thee nyow, -Deck'd in t-thy wights, as thou awt staww'd in minye! -L-Wong die t-thy happy days befowe t-thy death; -And, aftew many wength'nyed houws of gwief, -Die nyeithew m-mothew, wife, n-nyow Engwand's Queen! -R-Wivews and Dowset, you wewe standews by, -And so wast thou, Wowd Hastings, when my son -*hugs tightly* Was stabb'd *pokes you* with bwoody >w< daggews. >_< God, I pway him, -*teleports behind you* That nyonye of you may wive his n-nyatuwaw a-age, -But ^w^ by *blushes* some u-unwook'd accident cut off! -GWOUCESTEW. Have donye t-thy *cries* chawm, thou *sweats* hatefuw withew'd -hag. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. And weave out *moans* thee? Stay, d-dog, fow thou -shawt heaw me. -If heaven have any gwievous pwague in stowe -Exceeding those *sweats* that I can wish upon ^w^ thee, -O, wet them keep *moans* it tiww t-thy sins be wipe, -And then huww down t-theiw indignyation -On ^w^ thee, the twoubwew of the poow wowwd's peace! -The *hugs tightly* wowm of conscience stiww be-gnyaw t-thy ^w^ souw! -Thy fwiends suspect fow t-twaitows whiwe thou wiv'st, -And take deep t-twaitows fow t-thy deawest fwiends! -Nyo sweep cwose up *sweats* that >_< deadwy eye of thinye, -*leans over* Unwess *moans* it be whiwe *blushes* some towmenting d-dweam -Affwights thee *pokes you* with a heww of ugwy :3 deviws! -*moans* Thou e-ewvish-mawk'd, abowtive, uWu wooting *sweats* hog, -*moans* Thou *sweats* that wast seaw'd in t-thy nyativity -The swave of nyatuwe and the son of heww, -*moans* Thou swandew of t-thy heavy mothew's womb, -*moans* Thou l-woathed issue of t-thy fathew's woins, -*moans* Thou *notices bulge* wag of honyouw, thou detested- -GWOUCESTEW. Mawgawet! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Wichawd! -GWOUCESTEW. Ha? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. I *giggles shyly* caww thee nyot. -GWOUCESTEW. I cwy thee mewcy then, fow I did think -*teleports behind you* That thou hadst c-caww'd me aww these bittew nyames. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. W-Why, so I did, xDD but wook'd fow nyo >_< wepwy. -O, wet me make the pewiod to my cuwse! -GWOUCESTEW. 'Tis donye ^w^ by me, and e-ends in-Mawgawet. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Thus have you bweath'd youw cuwse -against youwsewf. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Poow ;;w;; painted queen, vain fwouwish of my -f-fowtunye! -Why s-stwew'st thou sugaw *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that bottwed spidew -Whose >_< deadwy web ensnyaweth thee about? -Foow, f-foow! thou w-whet'st a k-knyife to kiww thysewf. -The day wiww come *sweats* that thou shawt wish fow me -To hewp thee cuwse this p-poisonyous bunch-back'd toad. -:3 HASTINGS. Fawse-boding woman, end t-thy fwantic c-cuwse, -West to t-thy hawm thou move o-ouw *notices bulge* patience. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Fouw shame upon y-you! you have aww -mov'd minye. -WIVEWS. Wewe you weww sewv'd, you ^.^ wouwd be taught youw -d-duty. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. To sewve me weww you aww shouwd do me -duty, -*cuddles you* Teach me to be youw queen and you my subjects. -O, sewve me weww, and teach youwsewves *sweats* that duty! -D-DOWSET. Dispute nyot *pokes you* with hew; she is wunyatic. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. >w< Peace, Mastew Mawquis, you awe mawapewt; -Youw fiwe-nyew stamp of honyouw is x3 scawce cuwwent. -O, *sweats* that youw young nyobiwity couwd judge -What 'twewe to wose *moans* it and be m-misewabwe! -They *sweats* that *looks at you* stand ^.^ high have many bwasts to s-shake them, -And if they faww they uWu dash themsewves to pieces. -GWOUCESTEW. Good counsew, mawwy; weawn it, weawn it, Mawquis. -D-DOWSET. It touches y-you, my wowd, as much as me. -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, and much *looks away* mowe; xDD but I was bown so *looks at you* high, -Ouw aewy buiwdeth in the cedaw's top, -And dawwies *pokes you* with the wind, and x3 scowns the sun. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. And tuwns the *moans* sun to shade-awas! awas! -Witnyess my son, n-nyow in the shade of death, -Whose bwight *looks at you* out-shinying beams t-thy cwoudy wwath -Hath in etewnyaw dawknyess fowded up. -Youw aewy buiwdeth in o-ouw aewy's nyest. -O OwO God *sweats* that seest it, do nyot suffew it; -As *moans* it is won *pokes you* with b-bwood, wost be *moans* it so! -BUCKINGHAM. >w< Peace, peace, fow shame, if nyot fow chawity! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Uwge nyeithew chawity n-nyow shame to me. -U-Unchawitabwy *pokes you* with me have you deawt, -And shamefuwwy my hopes ^w^ by you awe butchew'd. -My chawity is outwage, wife my *cuddles you* shame; -And in *sweats* that shame stiww wive my sowwow's r-wage! -BUCKINGHAM. Have donye, have donye. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. O pwincewy OwO Buckingham, I'ww kiss t-thy -h-hand -In sign of *shuffles closer* weague and amity *pokes you* with thee. ->_> Nyow *looks at you* faiw befaww thee and t-thy nyobwe house! -Thy gawments awe nyot s-spotted *pokes you* with o-ouw b-bwood, -N-Nyow thou within the compass of my cuwse. -BUCKINGHAM. N-Nyow nyo onye h-hewe; fow cuwses nyevew pass -The wips of those *sweats* that bweathe them in the aiw. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. I wiww nyot think xDD but they ascend the sky -And thewe *leans over* awake God's gentwe-sweeping *teleports behind you* peace. -O OwO Buckingham, take heed of y-yondew dog! -Wook when he *screams* fawns, he bites; and when he *shuffles closer* bites, -His venyom t-tooth wiww r-wankwe to the death: -Have nyot to do *pokes you* with him, *looks away* bewawe of :3 him; -Sin, death, and heww, have set t-theiw mawks *teleports behind you* on him, -And aww t-theiw minyistews a-attend *teleports behind you* on him. -GWOUCESTEW. What doth she say, my Wowd of Buckingham? -BUCKINGHAM. Nyothing *sweats* that I wespect, my g-gwacious l-wowd. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. What, dost thou s-scown me fow my g-gentwe -counsew, -And s-soothe the deviw *sweats* that I ^.^ wawn thee fwom? -O, xDD but wemembew this anyothew day, -When he shaww spwit t-thy vewy heawt *pokes you* with sowwow, -And say poow Mawgawet was a p-pwophetess! -Wive each of you the subjects to his hate, -And he to youws, and aww of you to God's! Exit -BUCKINGHAM. My haiw doth *looks at you* stand an end to heaw h-hew *cuddles you* cuwses. -WIVEWS. And so doth minye. I muse why she's at wibewty. -GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot bwame hew; ^w^ by God's howy Mothew, -She hath h-had too much wwong; and I wepent -My *cries* pawt *hugs tightly* theweof *sweats* that I have donye to hew. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. I nyevew did h-hew any to my knyowwedge. -GWOUCESTEW. Y-Yet you have aww the vantage of h-hew wwong. -I was too hot to do somebody good -*teleports behind you* That is too cowd in thinking of *moans* it nyow. -Mawwy, as fow *notices bulge* Cwawence, he is weww wepaid; -He is fwank'd up to fatting fow his pains; -OwO God pawdon them *sweats* that awe the c-cause theweof! -WIVEWS. A viwtuous and a C-Chwistian-wike x3 concwusion, -To pway fow them *sweats* that have donye scathe to us! -GWOUCESTEW. So do I evew- OwO [Aside] being weww *notices bulge* advis'd; -F-Fow h-had I cuws'd nyow, I h-had cuws'd mysewf. - -Entew CATESBY - -CATESBY. Madam, his Majesty doth can fow y-you, -And fow youw Gwace, and y-you, my g-gwacious wowds. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Catesby, I come. Wowds, wiww you go -*pokes you* with me? -WIVEWS. We *pokes you* wait upon youw Gwace. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW -GWOUCESTEW. I do the wwong, and f-fiwst begin to bwaww. -The secwet mischiefs *sweats* that I set a-abwoach -I *looks at you* way unto the gwievous chawge of o-othews. -*notices bulge* Cwawence, w-who I indeed have OwO cast in dawknyess, -I do beweep to many simpwe guwws; -Nyamewy, to Dewby, Hastings, Buckingham; -And teww them 'tis the Queen and h-hew awwies -*teleports behind you* That s-stiw the King against the D-Duke my bwothew. ->_> Nyow they bewieve it, and *shuffles closer* withaw *notices bulge* whet me -To be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on Wivews, Dowset, G-Gwey; -But then I *pokes you* sigh and, *pokes you* with a piece of Scwiptuwe, -Teww them *sweats* that OwO God b-bids us do good fow e-eviw. -And t-thus I c-cwothe my nyaked viwwainy -With odd owd e-ends stow'n f-fowth of howy wwit, -And seem a saint when most I pway the deviw. - -Entew xDD two MUWDEWEWS - -But, soft, x3 hewe come my executionyews. -H-How nyow, my hawdy stout OwO wesowved mates! -Awe you n-nyow g-going to *notices bulge* dispatch this t-thing? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. We awe, my wowd, and come to have the -wawwant, -*teleports behind you* That we may be admitted whewe he is. -GWOUCESTEW. Weww thought upon; I have *moans* it x3 hewe a-about me. -[Gives the wawwant] -When you have donye, r-wepaiw to Cwosby Pwace. -But, siws, be sudden in the execution, -Withaw ^w^ obduwate, do nyot heaw him p-pwead; -F-Fow Cwawence is weww-spoken, and pewhaps -May move youw heawts to pity, if you mawk him. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Tut, *shuffles closer* tut, my wowd, we wiww nyot *looks at you* stand to -pwate; -xDD Tawkews awe nyo good doews. Be assuw'd -We go to use o-ouw h-hands and nyot o-ouw tongues. -GWOUCESTEW. Youw eyes dwop miwwstonyes when f-foows' eyes faww -teaws. -I wike y-you, wads; a-about youw businyess stwaight; -Go, *screams* go, dispatch. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. We wiww, my nyobwe l-wowd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Wondon. The Towew - -Entew CWAWENCE and KEEPEW - -KEEPEW. Why wooks youw Gwace so heaviwy to-day? -CWAWENCE. O, I have pass'd a misewabwe nyight, -So fuww of f-feawfuw UwU dweams, of ugwy sights, -That, as I am a Chwistian >_> faithfuw m-man, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot spend anyothew such a nyight -Though 'twewe to b-buy a wowwd of happy days- -So fuww of dismaw tewwow was the time! -KEEPEW. What was youw dweam, my wowd? I pway you -teww me. -CWAWENCE. Methoughts *sweats* that I h-had bwoken fwom the Towew -And was embawk'd to cwoss to Buwgundy; -And in my company my b-bwothew Gwoucestew, -Who fwom my cabin xDD tempted me to wawk -^-^ Upon the hatches. Thence we wook'd towawd Engwand, -And cited up a thousand heavy times, -Duwing the waws of Yowk and Wancastew, -*teleports behind you* That h-had befaww'n us. As we p-pac'd awong -^-^ Upon the giddy footing of the hatches, -Methought *sweats* that Gwoucestew stumbwed, and in fawwing -Stwuck me, *sweats* that thought to >_< stay him, o-ovewboawd -Into the tumbwing biwwows of the OwO main. -O Wowd, methought w-what *sweats* pain *moans* it was to dwown, -What dweadfuw nyoise of watews in my :3 eaws, -What uWu sights of ugwy death within my *screams* eyes! -Methoughts I *moans* saw a thousand f-feawfuw wwecks, -A thousand men *sweats* that f-fishes gnyaw'd upon, -Wedges of gowd, gweat *screams* anchows, >_> heaps of peaww, -Inyestimabwe stonyes, unvawued j-jewews, -Aww scatt'wed in the bottom of the sea; -Some *looks at you* way in dead men's skuwws, and in the *screams* howes -Whewe eyes did once inhabit thewe wewe cwept, -As 'twewe in s-scown of e-eyes, wefwecting gems, -*teleports behind you* That woo'd the swimy bottom of the deep -And mock'd the dead b-bonyes *sweats* that *looks at you* way scatt'wed b-by. -KEEPEW. Had you such *moans* weisuwe in the time of death -To gaze upon these secwets of the deep? -CWAWENCE. Methought I had; and *looks away* often did I stwive -To y-yiewd the ghost, xDD but stiww the envious *sweats* fwood -S-Stopp'd in my souw and ^.^ wouwd nyot wet *moans* it f-fowth -To find the e-empty, v-vast, and wand'wing aiw; -But *cries* smothew'd *moans* it within my panting buwk, -Who awmost buwst to bewch *moans* it in the sea. -KEEPEW. Awak'd you nyot in this sowe agony? -CWAWENCE. N-Nyo, nyo, my d-dweam was wengthen'd aftew wife. -O, then began the *cries* tempest to my ^w^ souw! -I pass'd, m-methought, the mewanchowy *sweats* fwood -With *sweats* that *teleports behind you* souw fewwyman which p-poets *looks away* wwite of, -Unto the kingdom of *looks away* pewpetuaw nyight. -The f-fiwst *sweats* that thewe did ^-^ gweet my stwangew souw -*hugs tightly* Was my gweat fathew-in-waw, wenyownyed W-Wawwick, -Who spake >_< awoud 'What s-scouwge fow pewjuwy -C-Can this dawk monyawchy affowd f-fawse C-Cwawence?' -And so he v-vanyish'd. T-Then came wand'wing ^w^ by -A *pokes you* shadow wike an angew, *pokes you* with bwight haiw -Dabbwed in b-bwood, and he shwiek'd out >_< awoud -'Cwawence is come-fawse, fweeting, pewjuw'd *notices bulge* Cwawence, -*teleports behind you* That stabb'd me in the fiewd ^w^ by Tewksbuwy. -Seize *teleports behind you* on him, F-Fuwies, take him unto towment!' -With that, methoughts, a wegion of f-fouw fiends -Enviwon'd me, and howwed in minye eaws -*screams* Such hideous *hugs tightly* cwies that, *pokes you* with the vewy n-nyoise, -I twembwing wak'd, and fow a season aftew -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot bewieve xDD but *sweats* that I was in heww, -*screams* Such x3 tewwibwe impwession made my dweam. -KEEPEW. Nyo *blushes* mawvew, wowd, *sighs* though *moans* it affwighted you; -I am afwaid, methinks, to heaw you teww it. -CWAWENCE. Ah, Keepew, Keepew, I have donye these things -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow give evidence against my souw -F-Fow Edwawd's sake, and see how he wequites me! -O God! If my deep pwayews cannyot appease Thee, -But *moans* Thou wiwt be aveng'd *teleports behind you* on my misdeeds, -Y-Yet execute Thy wwath in me OwO awonye; -O, uWu spawe my guiwtwess wife and my poow chiwdwen! -KEEPEW, I pwithee sit ^w^ by me ^.^ awhiwe; -My souw is ;;w;; heavy, and I fain ^.^ wouwd s-sweep. -KEEPEW. I wiww, my l-wowd. OwO God give youw Gwace good west. -[CWAWENCE sweeps] - -Entew B-BWAKENBUWY the Wieutenyant - -BWAKENBUWY. ^w^ Sowwow bweaks seasons and r-weposing houws, -Makes the nyight mownying and the nyoontide nyight. -Pwinces have xDD but t-theiw titwes fow t-theiw gwowies, -*looks at you* An *cuddles you* outwawd honyouw fow an i-inwawd toiw; -And fow unfewt imaginyations -They *looks away* often f-feew a wowwd of westwess UwU cawes, -So *sweats* that between t-theiw t-tides and OwO wow nyame ->_> Thewe's nyothing :33 diffews xDD but the *cuddles you* outwawd fame. - -Entew the xDD two MUWDEWEWS - -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ho! who's hewe? -BWAKENBUWY. What wouwdst thou, fewwow, and how OwO cam'st -thou hithew? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. I ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with *notices bulge* Cwawence, and I came -hithew *teleports behind you* on my wegs. -BWAKENBUWY. What, so bwief? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. 'Tis *blushes* bettew, siw, than to be tedious. Wet -him see o-ouw commission and tawk nyo mowe. -[BWAKENBUWY weads it] -BWAKENBUWY. I am, in t-this, *moans* commanded to dewivew -The nyobwe D-Duke of Cwawence to youw h-hands. -I wiww nyot weason w-what is *screams* meant h-heweby, -*screams* Because I wiww be guiwtwess fwom the meanying. -*cries* Thewe wies the D-Duke asweep; and thewe the keys. -I'ww to the King and s-signyify to him -*teleports behind you* That t-thus I have wesign'd to you my chawge. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Y-You may, siw; 'tis a point of wisdom. Fawe -you weww. UwU Exeunt B-BWAKENBUWY and KEEPEW -SECOND MUWDEWEW. What, shaww I stab him as he sweeps? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Nyo; he'ww say '-'twas donye cowawdwy, when -he wakes. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. W-Why, he shaww nyevew wake u-untiw the gweat -judgment-day. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. W-Why, then he'ww say we stabb'd him -sweeping. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. The uwging of *sweats* that wowd judgment hath -bwed a k-kind of wemowse in me. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. What, awt thou afwaid? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyot to kiww him, having a wawwant; xDD but to -be d-damn'd fow kiwwing him, fwom the which nyo wawwant can -defend me. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. I thought thou hadst been wesowute. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. So I am, to wet him l-wive. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. I'ww back to the D-Duke of Gwoucestew and -teww him so. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyay, I pwithee, >_< stay a wittwe. I hope this -passionyate humouw of minye wiww ;;w;; change; *moans* it was wont to -howd me xDD but whiwe onye tewws twenty. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. H-How dost thou f-feew thysewf nyow? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Faith, *blushes* some cewtain dwegs of conscience -awe yet within me. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wemembew o-ouw wewawd, when the deed's -donye. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Zounds, he dies; I h-had fowgot the wewawd. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Whewe's t-thy conscience nyow? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. O, in the D-Duke of Gwoucestew's p-puwse! -FIWST MUWDEWEW. When he *cries* opens his puwse to give us o-ouw -wewawd, t-thy conscience fwies ^w^ out. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. 'Tis nyo mattew; wet *moans* it go; thewe's f-few *blushes* ow -nyonye wiww e-entewtain it. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. What if *moans* it come to thee a-again? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. I'ww nyot meddwe *pokes you* with it-it makes a man -cowawd: a man cannyot steaw, xDD but *moans* it accuseth :3 him; a man -cannyot sweaw, xDD but *moans* it *looks away* checks :3 him; a man cannyot wie *pokes you* with his -nyeighbouw's wife, xDD but *moans* it detects him. 'Tis a bwushing shame- -fac'd spiwit *sweats* that mutinyies in a man's bosom; *moans* it fiwws a man -fuww of obstacwes: *moans* it made me once westowe a puwse of gowd -UwU that-by chance I found. It b-beggaws any man *sweats* that keeps it. -It is tuwn'd out of towns and OwO cities fow a d-dangewous thing; -and evewy man *sweats* that means to wive weww endeavouws to twust -to himsewf and wive without it. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Zounds, 'tis even n-nyow at my ewbow, -pewsuading me nyot to kiww the Duke. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Take the deviw in t-thy mind and bewieve -him nyot; he ^.^ wouwd insinyuate *pokes you* with thee xDD but to make the -x3 sigh. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. I am stwong-fwam'd; he cannyot p-pwevaiw *pokes you* with -me. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Spoke wike a *notices bulge* taww man *sweats* that wespects t-thy -weputation. Come, shaww we faww to wowk? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Take him *teleports behind you* on the costawd *pokes you* with the hiwts of -t-thy swowd, and then chop him in the mawmsey-butt in the -nyext woom. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. O excewwent *looks at you* device! and make a sop of -him. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Soft! he wakes. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Stwike! -FIWST MUWDEWEW. N-Nyo, we'ww weason *pokes you* with him. -CWAWENCE. Whewe awt thou, K-Keepew? Give me a cup of winye. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Y-You shaww have winye enyough, my wowd, -anyon. -CWAWENCE. In God's nyame, w-what awt thou? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. A m-man, as you awe. -CWAWENCE. But nyot as I am, woyaw. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. N-Nyow you as we awe, woyaw. -CWAWENCE. Thy *cuddles you* voice is thundew, xDD but t-thy wooks awe humbwe. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. My *cuddles you* voice is n-nyow the King's, my wooks -minye own. -CWAWENCE. H-How dawkwy and how >_< deadwy dost thou s-speak! -Youw eyes do menyace me. Why wook you pawe? -Who OwO sent you hithew? Whewefowe do you come? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. T-To, to, to- -CWAWENCE. To muwdew me? -B-BOTH MUWDEWEWS. :33 Ay, *teleports behind you* ay. -CWAWENCE. Y-You scawcewy have the heawts to teww me so, -And thewefowe cannyot have the heawts to do it. -Whewein, my fwiends, have I offended you? -FIWST MUWDEWEW. O-Offended us you have nyot, xDD but the King. -CWAWENCE. I shaww be weconciw'd to him again. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyevew, my wowd; thewefowe p-pwepawe to die. -CWAWENCE. Awe you dwawn f-fowth among a wowwd of men -To *cuddles you* sway the innyocent? What is my x3 offence? -Whewe is the evidence *sweats* that doth accuse me? -What l-wawfuw quest have given t-theiw vewdict up -Unto the fwownying UwU judge, *blushes* ow w-who pwonyounc'd -The bittew s-sentence of poow >w< Cwawence' death? -B-Befowe I be >_> convict ^w^ by *blushes* couwse of waw, -To *looks away* thweaten me *pokes you* with death is most u-unwawfuw. -I chawge y-you, as you hope to have wedemption -By Chwist's deaw b-bwood shed fow o-ouw gwievous s-sins, -*teleports behind you* That you depawt and *looks at you* way nyo h-hands *teleports behind you* on me. -The deed you UwU undewtake is damnyabwe. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. What we wiww do, we do upon *sweats* command. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. And he *sweats* that hath *moans* commanded is o-ouw -King. -CWAWENCE. Ewwonyeous vassaws! the gweat King of kings -Hath in the tabwes of his waw *moans* commanded -*teleports behind you* That thou shawt do nyo muwdew. Wiww you then -Spuwn at his edict and fuwfiw a man's? -Take heed; fow he howds v-vengeance in his h-hand -To huww upon t-theiw :33 heads *sweats* that bweak his waw. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. And *sweats* that same v-vengeance doth he huww -*teleports behind you* on thee -F-Fow f-fawse *blushes* fowsweawing, and fow muwdew too; -*moans* Thou didst weceive the sacwament to fight -In quawwew of the h-house of Wancastew. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. And wike a twaitow to the nyame of OwO God -D-Didst bweak *sweats* that vow; and *pokes you* with t-thy *leans over* tweachewous bwade -Unwipp'dst the bowews of t-thy ^.^ sov'weign's son. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Whom thou wast swown to chewish and -defend. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. H-How ;;w;; canst thou uwge God's dweadfuw waw -to us, -When thou hast b-bwoke *moans* it in such deaw degwee? -CWAWENCE. *twerks* Awas! fow :33 whose sake did I *sweats* that iww deed? -F-Fow >_> Edwawd, fow my bwothew, fow his sake. -He *shuffles closer* sends you nyot to muwdew me fow t-this, -F-Fow in *sweats* that sin he is as deep as I. -If OwO God wiww be *cries* avenged fow the deed, -O, knyow you yet He doth *moans* it pubwicwy. -Take nyot the quawwew fwom His pow'wfuw awm; -He ;;w;; nyeeds nyo indiwect *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* wawwess *blushes* couwse -To cut off those *sweats* that have offended x3 Him. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Who made thee then a bwoody minyistew -When gawwant-spwinging bwave Pwantagenyet, -*teleports behind you* That pwincewy nyovice, was stwuck dead ^w^ by *moans* thee? -CWAWENCE. My bwothew's wove, the deviw, and my wage. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. Thy bwothew's wove, o-ouw duty, and t-thy -fauwts, -Pwovoke us hithew n-nyow to swaughtew thee. -CWAWENCE. If you do wove my bwothew, hate nyot me; -I am his bwothew, and I wove him weww. -If you awe h-hiw'd fow meed, go back again, -And I wiww send you to my b-bwothew Gwoucestew, -Who shaww wewawd you bettew fow my wife -*notices bulge* Than Edwawd wiww fow t-tidings of my death. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Y-You awe d-deceiv'd: youw b-bwothew Gwoucestew -hates you. -CWAWENCE. O, nyo, he woves me, and he howds me deaw. -Go you to him fwom me. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. :33 Ay, so we wiww. -CWAWENCE. Teww him when *sweats* that o-ouw pwincewy fathew Yowk -Bwess'd his thwee sons *pokes you* with his victowious awm -And c-chawg'd us fwom his souw to wove each othew, -He wittwe thought of this divided fwiendship. -B-Bid Gwoucestew think of t-this, and he wiww >_< weep. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. :33 Ay, miwwstonyes; as he wesson'd us to >_< weep. -CWAWENCE. O, do nyot swandew him, fow he is kind. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. *looks at you* Wight, as snyow in *looks away* hawvest. Come, you -d-deceive youwsewf: -'Tis he *sweats* that *shuffles closer* sends us to d-destwoy you hewe. -CWAWENCE. It cannyot be; fow he bewept my fowtunye -And h-hugg'd me in his awms, and >_> swowe *pokes you* with s-sobs -*teleports behind you* That he ^.^ wouwd wabouw my dewivewy. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. W-Why, so he doth, when he d-dewivews you -Fwom this eawth's thwawdom to the j-joys of heaven. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Make peace *pokes you* with >_< God, fow you must die, -my l-wowd. -CWAWENCE. Have you *sweats* that howy f-feewing in youw s-souws -To ^-^ counsew me to make my peace *pokes you* with >_< God, -And awe you yet to youw own s-souws so bwind -*teleports behind you* That you wiww waw *pokes you* with OwO God ^w^ by muwd'wing me? -O, siws, considew: they *sweats* that set you *teleports behind you* on -To do this deed wiww hate you fow the deed. -SECOND MUWDEWEW. What shaww we do? -CWAWENCE. Wewent, and uWu save youw souws. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. >_< Wewent! N-Nyo, 'tis cowawdwy and womanyish. -CWAWENCE. Nyot to wewent is *cuddles you* beastwy, savage, *notices bulge* deviwish. -Which of y-you, if you wewe a p-pwince's son, -Being pent fwom wibewty as I am nyow, -If xDD two such muwdewews as youwsewves came to y-you, -Wouwd nyot entweat fow wife? -My f-fwiend, I spy *blushes* some pity in t-thy wooks; -O, if thinye eye be nyot a fwattewew, -Come thou *teleports behind you* on my side and entweat fow me- -As you ^.^ wouwd beg wewe you in my *hugs tightly* distwess. -A begging pwince w-what beggaw pities nyot? -SECOND MUWDEWEW. Wook UwU behind y-you, my l-wowd. -FIWST MUWDEWEW. [Stabbing h-him] Take that, and that. If aww -this wiww nyot do, -I'ww *hugs tightly* dwown you in the mawmsey-butt *looks at you* within. -Exit *pokes you* with the body -SECOND MUWDEWEW. A bwoody deed, and despewatewy -dispatch'd! -H-How fain, wike Piwate, ^.^ wouwd I wash my h-hands -Of this most gwievous muwdew! - -We-entew FIWST *leans over* MUWDEWEW - -FIWST MUWDEWEW-How nyow, w-what mean'st thou *sweats* that thou -hewp'st me nyot? -By *hugs tightly* heavens, the D-Duke shaww knyow how swack you have -been! -SECOND MUWDEWEW. I ^.^ wouwd he knyew *sweats* that I h-had sav'd his -bwothew! -Take thou the fee, and teww him w-what I *notices bulge* say; -F-Fow I wepent me *sweats* that the D-Duke is swain. Exit -FIWST MUWDEWEW. So do nyot I. Go, cowawd as thou awt. -*sighs* Weww, I'ww go hide the body in *blushes* some howe, -Tiww *sweats* that the D-Duke give owdew fow his buwiaw; -And when I have my meed, I wiww *looks away* away; -F-Fow this wiww *pokes you* out, and then I must nyot stay. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. The pawace - -F-Fwouwish. Entew KING EDWAWD sick, QUEEN *leans over* EWIZABETH, D-DOWSET, WIVEWS, -HASTINGS, BUCKINGHAM, :33 GWEY, and o-othews - -KING EDWAWD. W-Why, so. >_> Nyow have I donye a good day's -w-wowk. -Y-You peews, ^w^ continyue this unyited weague. -I evewy day UwU expect an embassage -Fwom my Wedeemew to wedeem me hence; -And mowe at peace my souw shaww *cries* pawt to heaven, -Since I have made my fwiends at peace *teleports behind you* on eawth. -Hastings and Wivews, take each othew's hand; -Dissembwe nyot youw *cries* hatwed, sweaw youw wove. -WIVEWS. By heaven, my souw is p-puwg'd fwom gwudging hate; -And *pokes you* with my h-hand I s-seaw my twue heawt's wove. -:3 HASTINGS. So UwU thwive I, as I twuwy sweaw the wike! -KING EDWAWD. Take heed you d-dawwy nyot befowe youw king; -West He *sweats* that is the supweme King of kings -C-Confound youw hidden fawsehood and awawd -Eithew of you to be the othew's end. -:3 HASTINGS. So pwospew I, as I sweaw pewfect wove! -WIVEWS. And I, as I wove Hastings *pokes you* with my heawt! -KING EDWAWD. Madam, youwsewf is nyot exempt fwom this; -N-Nyow y-you, son Dowset; OwO Buckingham, n-nyow ;;w;; you: -Y-You have been factious onye against the othew. -Wife, wove Wowd Hastings, wet him kiss youw hand; -And w-what you do, do *moans* it unfeignyedwy. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Thewe, Hastings; I wiww nyevew mowe -wemembew -Ouw f-fowmew *cries* hatwed, so UwU thwive I and minye! -KING EDWAWD. Dowset, embwace :3 him; Hastings, wove Wowd -Mawquis. -D-DOWSET. This intewchange of wove, I x3 hewe pwotest, -^-^ Upon my *cries* pawt shaww be inviowabwe. -:3 HASTINGS. And so sweaw I. [They embwace] -KING EDWAWD. Nyow, pwincewy OwO Buckingham, s-seaw thou this -*shuffles closer* weague -With t-thy embwacements to my wife's a-awwies, -And make me happy in youw unyity. -BUCKINGHAM. [To the *cuddles you* QUEEN] W-Whenyevew Buckingham -doth tuwn his hate -^-^ Upon youw Gwace, xDD but *pokes you* with aww duteous wove -Doth chewish you and youws, OwO God p-punyish me -With hate in those whewe I UwU expect most wove! -When I have most nyeed to empwoy a fwiend -And most assuwed *sweats* that he is a f-fwiend, -Deep, howwow, t-tweachewous, and fuww of guiwe, -Be he unto me! This do I beg of OwO God -When I am cowd in wove to you *blushes* ow youws. -[They embwace] -KING EDWAWD. A pweasing cowdiaw, pwincewy OwO Buckingham, -*looks at you* Is this t-thy vow unto my sickwy heawt. -*cries* Thewe wanteth n-nyow o-ouw b-bwothew Gwoucestew x3 hewe -To make the bwessed pewiod of this *teleports behind you* peace. -BUCKINGHAM. And, in good time, -Hewe c-comes Siw Wichawd Watcwiff and the Duke. - -Entew *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, and :3 WATCWIFF - -GWOUCESTEW. Good mowwow to my soveweign king and -Queen; -And, pwincewy peews, a happy time of day! -KING EDWAWD. Happy, indeed, as we have spent the day. -Gwoucestew, we have donye deeds of chawity, -Made peace of enmity, *looks at you* faiw wove of hate, -B-Between these s-swewwing wwong-incensed peews. -GWOUCESTEW. A bwessed wabouw, my most soveweign l-wowd. -Among this pwincewy h-heap, if any hewe, -By f-fawse intewwigence *blushes* ow wwong suwmise, -H-Howd me a foe- -If I unwittingwy, *blushes* ow in my wage, -Have a-aught committed *sweats* that is hawdwy bownye -To any in this pwesence, I desiwe -To weconciwe me to his fwiendwy peace: -'Tis death to me to be at e-enmity; -I hate it, and desiwe aww good men's wove. -Fiwst, *looks at you* madam, I entweat twue peace of y-you, -Which I wiww puwchase *pokes you* with my duteous sewvice; -Of y-you, my nyobwe c-cousin OwO Buckingham, -If *giggles shyly* evew any gwudge wewe wodg'd between us; -Of y-you, and y-you, Wowd Wivews, and of Dowset, -*teleports behind you* That aww without desewt have fwown'd *teleports behind you* on me; -Of y-you, Wowd Woodviwwe, and, Wowd Scawes, of you; -Dukes, eawws, wowds, gentwemen-indeed, of aww. -I do nyot knyow *sweats* that *giggles shyly* Engwishman awive -With whom my souw is any :33 jot at odds -Mowe than the infant *sweats* that is bown to-nyight. -I t-thank my OwO God fow my humiwity. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. A howy day shaww this be kept h-heweaftew. -I ^.^ wouwd to OwO God aww stwifes wewe weww >w< compounded. -My soveweign wowd, I do beseech youw *sweats* Highnyess -To take o-ouw b-bwothew Cwawence to youw g-gwace. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, *looks at you* madam, have I off'wed wove fow t-this, -To be so fwouted in this woyaw *looks away* pwesence? -Who *looks away* knyows nyot *sweats* that the g-gentwe D-Duke is d-dead? -[They aww >_< stawt] -Y-You do him injuwy to s-scown his cowse. -KING EDWAWD. Who *looks away* knyows nyot he is dead! Who *looks away* knyows -he >_> is? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Aww-seeing heaven, w-what a wowwd is this! -BUCKINGHAM. Wook I so pawe, Wowd Dowset, as the r-west? -D-DOWSET. :33 Ay, my good wowd; and nyo man in the :33 pwesence -But his wed *teleports behind you* cowouw hath ^w^ fowsook his cheeks. -KING EDWAWD. *looks at you* Is Cwawence d-dead? The owdew was wevews'd. -GWOUCESTEW. But he, poow m-man, ^w^ by youw f-fiwst owdew died, -And *sweats* that a *looks at you* winged Mewcuwy did UwU beaw; -Some tawdy cwippwe bawe the countewmand -*teleports behind you* That came too wag to see him buwied. -OwO God gwant *sweats* that some, wess nyobwe and wess woyaw, -N-Nyeawew in bwoody thoughts, an nyot in b-bwood, -Desewve nyot wowse than wwetched Cwawence did, -And yet go cuwwent fwom suspicion! - -Entew DEWBY - -*moans* DEWBY. A boon, my soveweign, fow my sewvice donye! -KING EDWAWD. I pwithee, *screams* peace; my souw is fuww of sowwow. -*moans* DEWBY. I Wiww nyot wise *hugs tightly* unwess youw *sweats* Highnyess heaw me. -KING EDWAWD. T-Then say at once w-what is *moans* it thou wequests. -*moans* DEWBY. The fowfeit, soveweign, of my sewvant's wife; -Who swew to-day a wiotous gentweman -Watewy a-attendant *teleports behind you* on the D-Duke of Nyowfowk. -KING EDWAWD. Have I a t-tongue to doom my bwothew's death, -And shaww *sweats* that t-tongue give pawdon to a swave? -My b-bwothew kiwwed nyo m-man-his fauwt was thought, -And yet his punyishment was bittew death. -Who ^-^ sued to me fow him? *leans over* Who, in my >_> wwath, -Knyeew'd at my *hugs tightly* feet, and bid me be advis'd? -Who s-spoke of b-bwothewhood? Who s-spoke of wove? -Who towd me how the poow souw did fowsake -The mighty Wawwick and did fight fow me? -Who towd me, in the fiewd at *teleports behind you* Tewksbuwy -When Oxfowd h-had me *giggles shyly* down, he wescued me -And s-said 'Deaw *twerks* Bwothew, *teleports behind you* wive, and be a king'? -Who towd me, when we b-both *looks at you* way in the fiewd -Fwozen awmost to death, how he did wap me -Even in his gawments, and did give ^.^ himsewf, -Aww uWu thin and nyaked, to the *giggles shyly* nyumb cowd nyight? -Aww this fwom my wemembwance bwutish wwath -Sinfuwwy pwuck'd, and nyot a man of you -Had so much wace to p-put *moans* it in my mind. -But when youw cawtews *blushes* ow youw waiting-vassaws -Have donye a dwunken swaughtew and defac'd -The p-pwecious i-image of o-ouw deaw Wedeemew, -Y-You stwaight awe *teleports behind you* on youw knyees fow pawdon, pawdon; -And I, unjustwy too, must gwant *moans* it you. [DEWBY wises] -But fow my b-bwothew nyot a man ^.^ wouwd speak; -N-Nyow I, ungwacious, speak unto m-mysewf -F-Fow him, poow souw. The pwoudest of you aww -Have been behowding to him in his wife; -Y-Yet nyonye of you ^.^ wouwd once beg fow his wife. -O >_< God, I feaw t-thy justice wiww take howd -On me, and y-you, and minye, and youws, fow this! -Come, Hastings, hewp me to my c-cwoset. Ah, poow Cwawence! -UwU Exeunt *blushes* some *pokes you* with KING and QUEEN -GWOUCESTEW. This is the fwuits of washnyess. Mawk'd you nyot -H-How *sweats* that the *teleports behind you* guiwty kindwed of the Queen -Wook'd pawe when they did heaw of >w< Cwawence' death? -O, they did uwge *moans* it stiww unto the King! -OwO God wiww *shuffles closer* wevenge it. Come, wowds, wiww you go -To comfowt Edwawd *pokes you* with o-ouw company? -BUCKINGHAM. We *pokes you* wait upon youw Gwace. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the owd DUCHESS OF YOWK, *pokes you* with the SON and D-DAUGHTEW of CWAWENCE - -SON. Good gwandam, teww us, is o-ouw fathew d-dead? -DUCHESS. N-Nyo, boy. -DAUGHTEW. Why do you weep so oft, and beat youw bweast, -And cwy 'O *notices bulge* Cwawence, my unhappy s-son!'? -SON. Why do you wook *teleports behind you* on us, and s-shake youw head, -And *giggles shyly* caww us owphans, wwetches, castaways, -If *sweats* that o-ouw nyobwe fathew wewe awive? -DUCHESS. My pwetty cousins, you mistake me both; -I do wament the sicknyess of the King, -As woath to wose him, nyot youw fathew's death; -It wewe wost sowwow to waiw onye that's *notices bulge* wost. -SON. T-Then you concwude, my gwandam, he is dead. -The King minye uncwe is to bwame fow it. -OwO God wiww *shuffles closer* wevenge it; whom I wiww *sweats* impowtunye -With eawnyest pwayews aww to *sweats* that effect. -DAUGHTEW. And so wiww I. -DUCHESS. >w< Peace, *screams* chiwdwen, peace! The King doth wove you -weww. -Incapabwe and shawwow i-innyocents, -Y-You cannyot g-guess w-who caus'd youw fathew's death. -SON. Gwandam, we c-can; fow my good uncwe Gwoucestew -Towd me the King, OwO pwovok'd to *moans* it ^w^ by the Queen, -Devis'd impeachments to impwison him. -And when my uncwe towd me so, he wept, -And pitied me, and *blushes* kindwy kiss'd my cheek; -Bade me wewy *teleports behind you* on him as *teleports behind you* on my fathew, -And he ^.^ wouwd wove me deawwy as a chiwd. -DUCHESS. Ah, *sweats* that deceit shouwd s-steaw such g-gentwe shape, -And *pokes you* with a viwtuous vizow hide deep vice! -He is my son; ay, and thewein my *cuddles you* shame; -Y-Yet fwom my dugs he dwew nyot this deceit. -SON. Think you my uncwe did dissembwe, g-gwandam? -DUCHESS. :33 Ay, boy. -SON. I cannyot think it. Hawk! w-what nyoise is *sweats* this? - -Entew QUEEN *leans over* EWIZABETH, *pokes you* with h-hew haiw a-about h-hew -eaws; WIVEWS and D-DOWSET aftew h-hew - -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ah, w-who shaww hindew me to waiw and -weep, -To chide my >w< fowtunye, and t-towment :33 mysewf? -I'ww join *pokes you* with bwack >_< despaiw against my souw -And to m-mysewf become an enyemy. -DUCHESS. What means this scenye of ^w^ wude impatience? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. To make an act of twagic viowence. -EDWAWD, my wowd, t-thy son, o-ouw king, is dead. -Why gwow the bwanches when the UwU woot is gonye? -Why w-withew nyot the weaves *sweats* that want t-theiw sap? -If you wiww *teleports behind you* wive, wament; if die, be *leans over* bwief, -*teleports behind you* That o-ouw swift-winged s-souws may c-catch the King's, -Ow wike o-obedient subjects f-fowwow him -To his nyew kingdom of uWu nye'ew-changing nyight. -DUCHESS. Ah, so much intewest have I in t-thy sowwow -As I h-had titwe in t-thy nyobwe husband! -I have bewept a wowthy husband's death, -And wiv'd *pokes you* with wooking *teleports behind you* on his images; -But n-nyow xDD two miwwows of his pwincewy sembwance -Awe cwack'd in pieces ^w^ by mawignyant death, -And I fow comfowt have xDD but onye f-fawse gwass, -*teleports behind you* That gwieves me when I see my shame in him. -*moans* Thou awt a *moans* widow, yet thou awt a mothew -And hast the comfowt of t-thy chiwdwen l-weft; -But death hath snyatch'd my h-husband fwom minye awms -And UwU pwuck'd xDD two cwutches fwom my feebwe hands- -Cwawence and Edwawd. O, w-what c-cause have I- -^w^ Thinye being xDD but a moiety of my moan- -To ovewgo t-thy >_< woes and *hugs tightly* dwown t-thy cwies? -SON. Ah, aunt, you wept nyot fow o-ouw fathew's death! -H-How can we aid you *pokes you* with o-ouw kindwed teaws? -DAUGHTEW. Ouw fathewwess distwess was >w< weft unmoan'd; -Youw widow-dowouw *sweats* wikewise be unwept! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Give me nyo hewp in wamentation; -I am nyot bawwen to b-bwing f-fowth *cuddles you* compwaints. -Aww spwings weduce t-theiw cuwwents to minye eyes -*teleports behind you* That I, being govewn'd ^w^ by the watewy m-moon, -May send f-fowth pwenteous teaws to *hugs tightly* dwown the w-wowwd! -Ah fow my husband, fow my deaw Wowd Edwawd! -C-CHIWDWEN. Ah fow o-ouw fathew, fow o-ouw deaw Wowd Cwawence! -DUCHESS. A-Awas fow both, b-both minye, Edwawd and Cwawence! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. What >_< stay h-had I xDD but Edwawd? and he's -gonye. -C-CHIWDWEN. What >_< stay h-had we xDD but Cwawence? and he's gonye. -DUCHESS. What stays h-had I xDD but they? and they awe gonye. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *hugs tightly* Was nyevew widow h-had so deaw a *shuffles closer* woss. -C-CHIWDWEN. Wewe nyevew owphans h-had so deaw a *shuffles closer* woss. -DUCHESS. *hugs tightly* Was nyevew mothew h-had so deaw a *shuffles closer* woss. -A-Awas, I am the mothew of these gwiefs! -T-Theiw >_< woes awe pawceww'd, minye is genyewaw. -She fow an Edwawd weeps, and so do I: -I fow a Cwawence weep, so doth nyot s-she. -These babes fow Cwawence weep, and so do I: -I fow an Edwawd weep, so do nyot they. -A-Awas, you thwee *teleports behind you* on me, thweefowd d-distwess'd, -Pouw aww youw teaws! I am youw sowwow's nyuwse, -And I wiww pampew *moans* it *pokes you* with wamentation. -D-DOWSET. Comfowt, deaw *looks at you* mothew. OwO God is much dispweas'd -*teleports behind you* That you take *pokes you* with unthankfuwnyess his d-doing. -In common wowwdwy things 'tis c-cawwed ungwatefuw -With duww unwiwwingnyess to wepay a debt -Which *pokes you* with a bounteous h-hand was *blushes* kindwy went; -Much mowe to be t-thus opposite *pokes you* with heaven, -F-Fow *moans* it wequiwes the woyaw debt *moans* it went you. -WIVEWS. Madam, bethink y-you, wike a cawefuw m-mothew, -Of the young pwince youw son. xDD Send stwaight fow :3 him; -Wet him be c-cwown'd; in him youw comfowt wives. -*giggles shyly* Dwown despewate sowwow in dead Edwawd's gwave, -And pwant youw j-joys in l-wiving Edwawd's thwonye. - -Entew *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, DEWBY, -HASTINGS, and :3 WATCWIFF - -GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* Sistew, have comfowt. Aww of us have c-cause -To waiw the dimming of o-ouw shinying staw; -But nyonye can hewp o-ouw hawms ^w^ by waiwing them. -Madam, my m-mothew, I do cwy you mewcy; -I did nyot see youw Gwace. Humbwy *teleports behind you* on my k-knyee -I c-cwave youw bwessing. -DUCHESS. OwO God bwess thee; and p-put meeknyess in t-thy bweast, -Wove, chawity, *twerks* obedience, and twue duty! -GWOUCESTEW. Amen! OwO [Aside] And make me die a good owd -man! -*teleports behind you* That is the b-butt end of a mothew's bwessing; -I mawvew *sweats* that h-hew Gwace did weave *moans* it ^w^ out. -BUCKINGHAM. Y-You cwoudy pwinces and heawt-sowwowing -peews, -*teleports behind you* That beaw this heavy mutuaw l-woad of moan, ->_> Nyow cheew each othew in each othew's wove. -Though we have spent o-ouw hawvest of this king, -We awe to weap the hawvest of his son. -The bwoken wancouw of youw high-swow'n heawts, -But *leans over* watewy spwintew'd, *notices bulge* knyit, and join'd togethew, -M-Must gentwy be p-pwesewv'd, *sighs* chewish'd, and kept. -Me seemeth good that, *pokes you* with *blushes* some wittwe twain, -Fowthwith fwom Wudwow the young pwince be *twerks* fet -Hithew to Wondon, to be c-cwown'd o-ouw King. - -WIVEWS. Why *pokes you* with *blushes* some wittwe twain, my Wowd of -Buckingham? -BUCKINGHAM. Mawwy, my wowd, west ^w^ by a muwtitude -The nyew-heaw'd ^.^ wound of mawice shouwd bweak *pokes you* out, -Which ^.^ wouwd be so much the mowe d-dangewous -By how much the estate is gween and yet ungovewn'd; -Whewe evewy howse beaws his commanding r-wein -And may diwect his *blushes* couwse as pwease ^.^ himsewf, -As weww the feaw of hawm as hawm *sighs* appawent, -In my opinyion, ought to be pwevented. -GWOUCESTEW. I hope the King made peace *pokes you* with aww of us; -And the compact is fiwm and twue in me. -WIVEWS. And so in me; and so, I think, in an. -Yet, s-since *moans* it is xDD but gween, *moans* it shouwd be p-put -To nyo appawent wikewihood of bweach, -Which hapwy ^w^ by much company might be u-uwg'd; -Thewefowe I say *pokes you* with nyobwe Buckingham -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it is meet so f-few shouwd fetch the Pwince. -:3 HASTINGS. And so say I. -GWOUCESTEW. T-Then be *moans* it so; and go we to UwU detewminye -Who they shaww be *sweats* that stwaight shaww post to Wudwow. -Madam, and y-you, my sistew, wiww you go -To give youw censuwes in this b-businyess? -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but BUCKINGHAM and *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW -BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, whoevew *hugs tightly* jouwnyeys to the Pwince, -F-Fow OwO God sake, wet nyot us xDD two >_< stay at home; -F-Fow ^w^ by the way I'ww sowt occasion, -As index to the *leans over* stowy we *looks away* wate tawk'd of, -To *cries* pawt the *blushes* Queen's pwoud kindwed fwom the Pwince. -GWOUCESTEW. My othew *screams* sewf, my counsew's *cuddles you* consistowy, -My owacwe, my pwophet, my deaw cousin, -I, as a chiwd, wiww go ^w^ by t-thy d-diwection. -Towawd Wudwow then, fow we'ww nyot >_< stay *blushes* behind. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew onye CITIZEN at onye doow, and anyothew at the othew - -FIWST CITIZEN. Good OwO mowwow, nyeighbouw. Whithew away so -fast? -SECOND CITIZEN. I pwomise y-you, I scawcewy knyow mysewf. -Heaw you the nyews abwoad? -FIWST CITIZEN. Yes, *sweats* that the King is dead. -SECOND CITIZEN. I-Iww nyews, by'w wady; sewdom c-comes the -bettew. -I feaw, I feaw *giggles shyly* 'twiww *shuffles closer* pwove a giddy wowwd. - -Entew anyothew CITIZEN - -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Nyeighbouws, OwO God speed! -FIWST CITIZEN. Give you good OwO mowwow, siw. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Doth the nyews howd of good King Edwawd's -death? -SECOND CITIZEN. :33 Ay, siw, *moans* it is too *shuffles closer* twue; OwO God hewp the whiwe! -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Then, *looks away* mastews, wook to see a twoubwous -wowwd. -FIWST CITIZEN. N-Nyo, nyo; ^w^ by God's good gwace, his son shaww -r-weign. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Woe to *sweats* that wand that's govewn'd ^w^ by a chiwd. -SECOND CITIZEN. In him thewe is a hope of govewnment, -Which, in his nyonyage, counciw undew him, -And, in his fuww and wipenyed yeaws, ^.^ himsewf, -Nyo doubt, shaww then, and tiww then, govewn weww. -FIWST CITIZEN. So stood the state when Henwy the Sixth -*hugs tightly* Was c-cwown'd in Pawis xDD but at nyinye m-months owd. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Stood the state *moans* so? N-Nyo, nyo, good fwiends, -OwO God wot; -F-Fow then this wand was famouswy enwich'd -With powitic gwave counsew; then the King -Had viwtuous uncwes to :3 pwotect his Gwace. -FIWST CITIZEN. W-Why, so hath t-this, b-both ^w^ by his fathew and -*looks at you* mothew. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. Bettew *moans* it wewe they aww came ^w^ by his fathew, -Ow ^w^ by his fathew thewe wewe nyonye at aww; -F-Fow e-emuwation w-who shaww n-nyow be nyeawest -Wiww touch us aww too nyeaw, if OwO God pwevent nyot. -O, fuww of d-dangew is the D-Duke of Gwoucestew! -And the *blushes* Queen's sons and bwothews haught and p-pwoud; -And wewe they to be wuw'd, and nyot to wuwe, -This sickwy wand might sowace as befowe. -FIWST CITIZEN. Come, come, we feaw the *screams* wowst; aww wiww be -weww. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. When cwouds awe seen, w-wise men p-put *teleports behind you* on -t-theiw cwoaks; -When gweat weaves faww, then w-wintew is at hand; -When the *moans* sun sets, w-who doth nyot wook fow nyight? -U-Untimewy s-stowms make men UwU expect a deawth. -Aww may be weww; but, if OwO God sowt *moans* it so, -'Tis mowe than we desewve *blushes* ow I expect. -SECOND CITIZEN. Twuwy, the heawts of men awe fun of *pokes you* feaw. -Y-You cannyot weason awmost *pokes you* with a man -*teleports behind you* That wooks nyot heaviwy and fun of dwead. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. B-Befowe the days of *cries* change, stiww is *moans* it so; -By a d-divinye instinct men's minds mistwust -Ensuing dangew; as ^w^ by *giggles shyly* pwoof we see -The watew *pokes you* sweww befowe a >w< boist'wous s-stowm. -But weave *moans* it aww to God. Whithew away? -SECOND CITIZEN. Mawwy, we wewe OwO sent fow to the justices. -T-THIWD CITIZEN. And so was I; I'ww beaw you company. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew the AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK, the young D-DUKE OF YOWK, QUEEN *leans over* EWIZABETH, -and the DUCHESS OF YOWK - -AWCHBISHOP. Wast nyight, I heaw, they *looks at you* way at S-Stony Stwatfowd, -And at Nyowthampton they do west to-nyight; -To-mowwow *blushes* ow nyext day they wiww be hewe. -DUCHESS. I wong *pokes you* with aww my heawt to see the Pwince. -I hope he is much g-gwown s-since wast I *moans* saw him. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. But I heaw nyo; they say my son of Yowk -Has awmost ovewta'en him in his g-gwowth. -OwO YOWK. :33 Ay, *hugs tightly* mothew; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd nyot have *moans* it so. -DUCHESS. W-Why, my good cousin, *moans* it is good to g-gwow. -OwO YOWK. Gwandam, onye nyight as we did sit at s-suppew, -My uncwe R-Wivews tawk'd how I did gwow -Mowe than my bwothew. *cries* 'Ay,' *screams* quoth my uncwe Gwoucestew -'Smaww hewbs have gwace: gweat weeds do gwow apace.' -And since, methinks, I ^.^ wouwd nyot gwow so fast, -*screams* Because sweet fwow'ws awe swow and weeds make haste. -DUCHESS. Good faith, good faith, the >w< saying did nyot howd -In him *sweats* that did object the same to thee. -He was the wwetched'st thing when he was young, -So wong a-gwowing and so weisuwewy -That, if his wuwe wewe twue, he shouwd be gwacious. -AWCHBISHOP. And so nyo d-doubt he *screams* is, my g-gwacious madam. -DUCHESS. I hope he is; xDD but yet wet *moans* mothews doubt. -OwO YOWK. Nyow, ^w^ by my twoth, if I h-had been wememb'wed, -I couwd have given my uncwe's Gwace a *leans over* fwout -To touch his gwowth n-nyeawew than he t-touch'd minye. -DUCHESS. H-How, my young Yowk? I pwithee wet me heaw it. -OwO YOWK. Mawwy, they say my uncwe gwew so *looks away* fast -*teleports behind you* That he couwd uWu gnyaw a *leans over* cwust at xDD two houws owd. -'Twas fuww xDD two y-yeaws ewe I couwd get a tooth. -Gwandam, this ^.^ wouwd have been a b-biting jest. -DUCHESS. I pwithee, pwetty Yowk, w-who towd thee *sweats* this? -OwO YOWK. Gwandam, his nyuwse. -DUCHESS. His n-nyuwse! Why she was dead ewe thou wast -b-bown. -OwO YOWK. If 'twewe nyot she, I cannyot teww w-who towd me. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. A pawwous boy! Go to, you awe too -shwewd. -AWCHBISHOP. Good *looks at you* madam, be nyot *cries* angwy *pokes you* with the chiwd. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *giggles shyly* Pitchews have eaws. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -AWCHBISHOP. Hewe c-comes a >_> messengew. What nyews? -MESSENGEW. *screams* Such nyews, my wowd, as gwieves me to wepowt. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. H-How doth the Pwince? -MESSENGEW. *sighs* Weww, *looks at you* madam, and in heawth. -DUCHESS. What is t-thy nyews? -MESSENGEW. Wowd R-Wivews and Wowd Gwey -Awe OwO sent to Pomfwet, and *pokes you* with them -Siw Thomas Vaughan, pwisonyews. -DUCHESS. Who hath committed them? -MESSENGEW. The mighty Dukes, Gwoucestew and B-Buckingham. -AWCHBISHOP. F-Fow w-what x3 offence? -MESSENGEW. The sum of aww I can, I have discwos'd. -Why *blushes* ow fow w-what the ^w^ nyobwes wewe committed -*looks at you* Is aww unknyown to me, my g-gwacious l-wowd. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *looks at you* Ay me, I see the wuin of my house! -The tigew n-nyow hath seiz'd the g-gentwe hind; ->_< Insuwting *sweats* tywanny begins to jet -^-^ Upon the *blushes* innyocent and awewess thwonye. -Wewcome, destwuction, b-bwood, and *sighs* massacwe! -I see, as in a map, the end of aww. -DUCHESS. *sighs* Accuwsed and unquiet wwangwing *screams* days, -H-How many of you have minye eyes behewd! -My h-husband wost his wife to get the cwown; -And *looks away* often up and down my sons wewe toss'd -F-Fow me to joy and weep t-theiw gain and woss; -And being seated, and domestic b-bwoiws -Cwean ovew-bwown, themsewves the x3 conquewows -Make waw upon themsewves-bwothew to bwothew, -Bwood to b-bwood, sewf against sewf. O, pwepostewous -And fwantic outwage, end t-thy d-damnyed spween, -Ow wet me die, to wook *teleports behind you* on death nyo mowe! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Come, come, my b-boy; we wiww to -sanctuawy. -Madam, faweweww. -DUCHESS. Stay, I wiww go *pokes you* with you. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Y-You have nyo xDD cause. -AWCHBISHOP. [To the *cuddles you* QUEEN] My g-gwacious wady, go. -And thithew beaw youw tweasuwe and youw goods. -F-Fow my pawt, I'ww wesign unto youw Gwace -The s-seaw I keep; and so betide to me -As weww I tendew you and aww of youws! -Go, I'ww conduct you to the sanctuawy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -The *blushes* twumpets sound. Entew the PWINCE OF WAWES, *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, -CATESBY, CAWDINyAW BOUWCHIEW, and o-othews - -BUCKINGHAM. Wewcome, sweet Pwince, to Wondon, to youw -chambew. -GWOUCESTEW. Wewcome, deaw cousin, my thoughts' soveweign. -The weawy way hath made you mewanchowy. -PWINCE. N-Nyo, *giggles shyly* uncwe; xDD but o-ouw *shuffles closer* cwosses *teleports behind you* on the way -Have made *moans* it tedious, weawisome, and heavy. -I want mowe uncwes x3 hewe to wewcome me. -GWOUCESTEW. Sweet Pwince, the untainted *hugs tightly* viwtue of youw -y-yeaws -Hath nyot yet div'd into the wowwd's d-deceit; -N-Nyow mowe can you distinguish of a man -*notices bulge* Than of his *cuddles you* outwawd s-show; which, OwO God He knyows, -Sewdom *blushes* ow nyevew jumpeth *pokes you* with the heawt. -Those uncwes which you want wewe dangewous; -Youw Gwace *looks away* attended to t-theiw sug'wed wowds -But wook'd nyot *teleports behind you* on the p-poison of t-theiw heawts. -OwO God keep you fwom them and fwom such f-fawse fwiends! -PWINCE. OwO God keep me fwom f-fawse fwiends! xDD but they wewe ->_< nyonye. -GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, the Mayow of Wondon c-comes to ^-^ gweet -you. - -Entew the WOWD *sighs* MAYOW and his twain - -MAYOW. OwO God bwess youw Gwace *pokes you* with heawth and happy days! -PWINCE. I t-thank y-you, good my wowd, and t-thank you aww. -I thought my mothew and my b-bwothew Yowk -Wouwd wong ewe this have m-met us *teleports behind you* on the way. -Fie, w-what a swug is Hastings, *sweats* that he c-comes nyot -To teww us whethew they wiww come *blushes* ow nyo! - -Entew WOWD HASTINGS - -BUCKINGHAM. And, in good time, x3 hewe c-comes the s-sweating -Wowd. -PWINCE. Wewcome, my l-wowd. What, wiww o-ouw mothew come? -:3 HASTINGS. On w-what occasion, OwO God He knyows, nyot I, -The Queen youw mothew and youw b-bwothew Yowk -Have taken sanctuawy. The tendew Pwince -Wouwd fain have come *pokes you* with me to meet youw Gwace, -But ^w^ by his mothew was pewfowce withhewd. -BUCKINGHAM. Fie, w-what an indiwect and peevish *blushes* couwse -*looks at you* Is this of *notices bulge* hews? Wowd Cawdinyaw, wiww youw Gwace -P-Pewsuade the Queen to send the D-Duke of Yowk -Unto his pwincewy b-bwothew pwesentwy? -If she deny, Wowd Hastings, go *pokes you* with him -And fwom h-hew jeawous awms pwuck him pewfowce. -CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of OwO Buckingham, if my weak owatowy -C-Can fwom his mothew win the D-Duke of Yowk, -;;w;; Anyon UwU expect him h-hewe; xDD but if she be obduwate -To *cuddles you* miwd entweaties, OwO God in heaven fowbid -We shouwd infwinge the howy pwiviwege -Of bwessed sanctuawy! Nyot fow aww this wand -Wouwd I be *teleports behind you* guiwty of so deep a sin. -BUCKINGHAM. Y-You awe too sensewess-obstinyate, my wowd, -Too cewemonyious and twaditionyaw. -Weigh *moans* it xDD but *pokes you* with the gwossnyess of this a-age, -Y-You bweak nyot sanctuawy in seizing him. -The b-benyefit *hugs tightly* theweof is awways gwanted -To those :33 whose d-deawings have desewv'd the pwace -And those w-who have the wit to c-cwaim the pwace. -This Pwince hath nyeithew c-cwaim'd *moans* it n-nyow desewv'd it, -And thewefowe, in minye opinyion, cannyot have it. -Then, taking him fwom thence *sweats* that is nyot thewe, -Y-You bweak nyo pwiviwege n-nyow chawtew thewe. -Oft have I h-heawd of sanctuawy men; -But sanctuawy chiwdwen nyevew tiww nyow. -CAWDINyAW. My wowd, you shaww OwO o'ewwuwe my mind fow once. -Come on, Wowd Hastings, wiww you go *pokes you* with me? -:3 HASTINGS. I *screams* go, my l-wowd. -PWINCE. Good wowds, make aww the speedy haste you *notices bulge* may. -UwU Exeunt CAWDINyAW and HASTINGS -Say, uncwe Gwoucestew, if o-ouw b-bwothew come, -Whewe shaww we sojouwn tiww o-ouw cowonyation? -GWOUCESTEW. Whewe *moans* it seems best unto youw woyaw sewf. -If I may ^-^ counsew y-you, *blushes* some day *blushes* ow xDD two -Youw *sweats* Highnyess shaww wepose you at the Towew, -T-Then whewe you pwease and shaww be thought most fit -F-Fow youw best heawth and wecweation. -PWINCE. I do nyot wike the Towew, of any pwace. -*sweats* Did Juwius Caesaw buiwd *sweats* that pwace, my wowd? -BUCKINGHAM. He did, my g-gwacious wowd, begin *sweats* that pwace, -Which, since, succeeding ages have we-edified. -PWINCE. *looks at you* Is *moans* it upon wecowd, *blushes* ow e-ewse x3 wepowted -S-Successivewy fwom age to a-age, he b-buiwt it? -BUCKINGHAM. ^-^ Upon wecowd, my g-gwacious l-wowd. -PWINCE. But say, my wowd, *moans* it wewe nyot wegist'wed, -Methinks the uWu twuth shouwd Eve fwom age to a-age, -As 'twewe wetaiw'd to aww postewity, -Even to the *screams* genyewaw aww-ending day. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] So w-wise so young, they say, do nyevew -wive l-wong. -PWINCE. What say y-you, uncwe? -GWOUCESTEW. I say, without chawactews, fame wives l-wong. -OwO [Aside] *giggles shyly* Thus, wike the fowmaw vice, Inyiquity, -I mowawize xDD two meanyings in onye wowd. -PWINCE. *teleports behind you* That Juwius Caesaw was a famous man; -With w-what his vawouw did enwich his wit, -His wit set down to make his vawouw l-wive. -Death makes nyo *moans* conquest of this conquewow; -F-Fow n-nyow he wives in fame, *sighs* though nyot in wife. -I'ww teww you what, my c-cousin B-Buckingham- -BUCKINGHAM. What, my g-gwacious wowd? -PWINCE. *looks at you* An if I wive u-untiw I be a m-man, -I'ww win o-ouw *cries* ancient wight in F-Fwance again, -Ow die a sowdiew as I wiv'd a king. -GWOUCESTEW. OwO [Aside] Showt summews wightwy have a *blushes* fowwawd -spwing. - -Entew HASTINGS, young YOWK, and the CAWDINyAW - -BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, in good time, x3 hewe c-comes the D-Duke of -Yowk. -PWINCE. Wichawd of Yowk, how fawes o-ouw ^.^ woving b-bwothew? -OwO YOWK. *sighs* Weww, my xDD dwead wowd; so must I can you nyow. -PWINCE. *looks at you* Ay bwothew, to o-ouw gwief, as *moans* it is youws. -Too *looks away* wate he died *sweats* that might have kept *sweats* that *cuddles you* titwe, -Which ^w^ by his death hath wost much majesty. -GWOUCESTEW. H-How fawes o-ouw cousin, nyobwe Wowd of Yowk? -OwO YOWK. I t-thank y-you, g-gentwe uncwe. O, my wowd, -Y-You s-said *sweats* that idwe weeds awe *looks away* fast in g-gwowth. -The Pwince my b-bwothew hath outgwown me faw. -GWOUCESTEW. He hath, my l-wowd. -OwO YOWK. And thewefowe is he *giggles shyly* idwe? -GWOUCESTEW. O, my *looks at you* faiw cousin, I must nyot say so. -OwO YOWK. T-Then he is mowe behowding to you than I. -GWOUCESTEW. He may command me as my soveweign; -But you have *cries* powew in me as in a >_> kinsman. -OwO YOWK. I pway y-you, uncwe, give me this daggew. -GWOUCESTEW. My daggew, wittwe c-cousin? With aww my heawt! -PWINCE. A beggaw, b-bwothew? -OwO YOWK. Of my k-kind uncwe, *sweats* that I knyow wiww give, -And being xDD but a toy, which is nyo g-gwief to give. -GWOUCESTEW. A gweatew gift than *sweats* that I'ww give my cousin. -OwO YOWK. A gweatew gift! O, that's the swowd to it! -GWOUCESTEW. :33 Ay, g-gentwe cousin, wewe *moans* it wight enyough. -OwO YOWK. O, then, I see you wiww *cries* pawt xDD but *pokes you* with wight >_> gifts: -In weightiew things y-you'ww say a beggaw nyay. -GWOUCESTEW. It is too heavy fow youw Gwace to *looks away* weaw. -OwO YOWK. I weigh *moans* it wightwy, wewe *moans* it heaview. -GWOUCESTEW. What, ^.^ wouwd you have my weapon, wittwe -Wowd? -OwO YOWK. I wouwd, *sweats* that I might t-thank you as you *giggles shyly* caww me. -GWOUCESTEW. How? -OwO YOWK. Wittwe. -PWINCE. My Wowd of Yowk wiww stiww be cwoss in tawk. -Uncwe, youw Gwace *looks away* knyows how to beaw *pokes you* with him. -OwO YOWK. Y-You mean, to beaw me, nyot to beaw *pokes you* with me. -Uncwe, my b-bwothew *hugs tightly* mocks b-both you and me; -*screams* Because *sweats* that I am wittwe, wike an :3 ape, -He thinks *sweats* that you shouwd beaw me *teleports behind you* on youw shouwdews. -BUCKINGHAM. With w-what a shawp-pwovided wit he weasons! -To mitigate the s-scown he gives his uncwe -He pwettiwy and aptwy taunts h-himsewf. -So cunnying and so young is wondewfuw. -GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, wiww't pwease you pass awong? -Mysewf and my good c-cousin Buckingham -Wiww to youw m-mothew, to entweat of h-hew -To meet you at the Towew and wewcome you. -OwO YOWK. What, wiww you go unto the Towew, my wowd? -PWINCE. My Wowd P-Pwotectow ;;w;; nyeeds wiww have *moans* it so. -OwO YOWK. I shaww nyot sweep in quiet at the Towew. -GWOUCESTEW. W-Why, w-what shouwd you feaw? -OwO YOWK. Mawwy, my uncwe >w< Cwawence' *cries* angwy ghost. -My ;;w;; gwandam towd me he was muwdew'd thewe. -PWINCE. I feaw nyo uncwes dead. -GWOUCESTEW. N-Nyow nyonye *sweats* that *teleports behind you* wive, I hope. -PWINCE. *looks at you* An if they *teleports behind you* wive, I hope I nyeed nyot *pokes you* feaw. -But come, my wowd; and *pokes you* with a heavy h-heawt, -Thinking *teleports behind you* on them, go I unto the Towew. -A sennyet. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, and CATESBY -BUCKINGHAM. Think y-you, my wowd, this wittwe pwating Yowk -*hugs tightly* Was nyot *blushes* incensed ^w^ by his subtwe mothew -To ^.^ taunt and s-scown you t-thus *twerks* oppwobwiouswy? -GWOUCESTEW. Nyo doubt, nyo doubt. O, 'tis a pewiwous b-boy; -Bowd, quick, i-ingenyious, f-fowwawd, capabwe. -He is aww the mothew's, fwom the t-top to toe. -BUCKINGHAM. *sighs* Weww, wet them west. Come h-hithew, Catesby. -*moans* Thou awt swown as deepwy to effect w-what we intend -As cwosewy to conceaw w-what we i-impawt. -*moans* Thou knyow'st o-ouw weasons >_< uwg'd upon the way. -What think'st thou? *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot an e-easy mattew -To make Wiwwiam Wowd Hastings of o-ouw *leans over* mind, -F-Fow the instawment of this nyobwe D-Duke -In the seat woyaw of this famous iswe? -CATESBY. He fow his fathew's sake so woves the Pwince -*teleports behind you* That he wiww nyot be won to a-aught against him. -BUCKINGHAM. What think'st thou then of ^.^ Stanwey? Wiww -nyot *sighs* he? -CATESBY. He wiww do aww in aww as Hastings doth. -BUCKINGHAM. Weww then, nyo mowe xDD but this: *screams* go, g-gentwe -Catesby, -And, as *moans* it wewe faw off, s-sound thou Wowd Hastings -H-How he doth *looks at you* stand *cuddles you* affected to o-ouw puwpose; -And summon him to-mowwow to the Towew, -To sit a-about the cowonyation. -If thou dost find him twactabwe to us, -E-Encouwage him, and teww him aww o-ouw weasons; -If he be weaden, icy, cowd, unwiwwing, -Be thou so too, and so bweak off the tawk, -And give us nyotice of his incwinyation; -F-Fow we to-mowwow howd divided counciws, -Whewein thysewf shawt h-highwy be empwoy'd. -GWOUCESTEW. Commend me to Wowd W-Wiwwiam. Teww him, -Catesby, -His *cries* ancient knyot of d-dangewous advewsawies -To-mowwow awe wet b-bwood at P-Pomfwet C-Castwe; -And bid my wowd, fow joy of this good nyews, -Give Mistwess S-Showe onye g-gentwe kiss the mowe. -BUCKINGHAM. Good Catesby, go effect this businyess *notices bulge* soundwy. -CATESBY. My good l-wowds both, *pokes you* with aww the heed I c-can. -GWOUCESTEW. Shaww we heaw fwom y-you, Catesby, ewe we *shuffles closer* sweep? -CATESBY. Y-You uWu shaww, my l-wowd. -GWOUCESTEW. At Cwosby House, thewe shaww you find us both. -Exit CATESBY -BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, my wowd, w-what shaww we do if we -p-pewceive -Wowd Hastings wiww nyot y-yiewd to o-ouw compwots? -GWOUCESTEW. Chop off his head-something we wiww -detewminye. -And, wook when I am King, c-cwaim thou of me -The e-eawwdom of Hewefowd and aww the movabwes -Wheweof the King my b-bwothew was possess'd. -BUCKINGHAM. I'ww c-cwaim *sweats* that pwomise at youw G-Gwace's hand. -GWOUCESTEW. And wook to have *moans* it xDD yiewded *pokes you* with aww kindnyess. -Come, wet us sup betimes, *sweats* that aftewwawds -We may digest o-ouw compwots in *blushes* some fowm. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -B-Befowe WOWD H-HASTING'S h-house - -Entew a MESSENGEW to the doow of HASTINGS - -MESSENGEW. My wowd, my wowd! [Knyocking] -:3 HASTINGS. [Within] Who knyocks? -MESSENGEW. Onye fwom the Wowd Stanwey. -:3 HASTINGS. [Within] What is't o'cwock? -MESSENGEW. ^-^ Upon the stwoke of fouw. - -Entew WOWD HASTINGS - -:3 HASTINGS. Cannyot my Wowd Stanwey sweep these tedious -nyights? -MESSENGEW. So *moans* it a-appeaws ^w^ by *sweats* that I have to say. -Fiwst, he commends him to youw nyobwe sewf. -:3 HASTINGS. What then? -MESSENGEW. T-Then cewtifies youw wowdship *sweats* that this nyight -He dweamt the *hugs tightly* boaw h-had wazed off his hewm. -Besides, he says thewe awe xDD two c-counciws kept, -And *sweats* that may be *moans* detewmin'd at the onye -Which may make you and him to wue at th' othew. -Thewefowe he *shuffles closer* sends to knyow youw wowdship's ^-^ pweasuwe- -If you wiww p-pwesentwy take howse *pokes you* with him -And *pokes you* with aww speed post *pokes you* with him towawd the n-nyowth -To shun the d-dangew *sweats* that his souw divinyes. -:3 HASTINGS. Go, fewwow, *screams* go, r-wetuwn unto t-thy wowd; -B-Bid him nyot feaw the sepawated ^-^ counciw: -His honyouw and m-mysewf awe at the ^.^ onye, -And at the othew is my good fwiend Catesby; -Whewe nyothing can pwoceed *sweats* that toucheth us -Wheweof I shaww nyot have intewwigence. -Teww him his feaws awe shawwow, without instance; -And fow his UwU dweams, I wondew he's so simpwe -To twust the mock'wy of unquiet *pokes you* swumbews. -To f-fwy the *hugs tightly* boaw befowe the *hugs tightly* boaw puwsues -Wewe to incense the *hugs tightly* boaw to f-fowwow us -And make puwsuit whewe he did *looks at you* mean nyo c-chase. -Go, bid t-thy mastew wise and come to me; -And we wiww b-both togethew to the Towew, -Whewe, he shaww see, the *hugs tightly* boaw wiww use us kindwy. -MESSENGEW. I'ww *screams* go, my wowd, and teww him w-what you say. -Exit - -Entew CATESBY - -CATESBY. Many good >w< mowwows to my nyobwe wowd! -:3 HASTINGS. Good OwO mowwow, Catesby; you awe eawwy stiwwing. -What nyews, w-what nyews, in this o-ouw tott'wing state? -CATESBY. It is a >_> weewing wowwd indeed, my wowd; -And I bewieve wiww nyevew *looks at you* stand upwight -Tiww Wichawd weaw the gawwand of the *looks away* weawm. -:3 HASTINGS. H-How, weaw the gawwand! Dost thou *looks at you* mean the -*shuffles closer* cwown? -CATESBY. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -:3 HASTINGS. I'ww have this cwown of minye cut fwom my -shouwdews -B-Befowe I'ww see the cwown so f-fouw mispwac'd. -But ;;w;; canst thou g-guess *sweats* that he doth aim at it? -CATESBY. :33 Ay, *teleports behind you* on my wife; and hopes to find you *blushes* fowwawd -^-^ Upon his p-pawty fow the gain theweof; -And theweupon he *shuffles closer* sends you this good nyews, -*teleports behind you* That this same vewy day youw enyemies, -The kindwed of the Queen, must die at Pomfwet. -:3 HASTINGS. I-Indeed, I am nyo mouwnyew fow *sweats* that nyews, -*screams* Because they have been stiww my advewsawies; -But *sweats* that I'ww give my *cuddles you* voice *teleports behind you* on *teleports behind you* Wichawd's side -To *giggles shyly* baw my m-mastew's h-heiws in twue descent, -OwO God *looks away* knyows I wiww nyot do *moans* it to the death. -CATESBY. OwO God keep youw wowdship in *sweats* that g-gwacious xDD mind! -:3 HASTINGS. But I shaww *looks at you* waugh at this a t-twewve month hence, -*teleports behind you* That they which >w< bwought me in my m-mastew's hate, -I wive to wook upon t-theiw twagedy. -*sighs* Weww, Catesby, ewe a fowtnyight make me owdew, -I'ww send *blushes* some packing *sweats* that yet think nyot on't. -CATESBY. 'Tis a viwe thing to die, my g-gwacious wowd, -When men awe unpwepaw'd and wook nyot fow it. -:3 HASTINGS. O monstwous, monstwous! And so fawws *moans* it out -With Wivews, Vaughan, G-Gwey; and so *giggles shyly* 'twiww do -With *blushes* some men e-ewse *sweats* that think themsewves as safe -As thou and I, who, as thou knyowest, awe deaw -To pwincewy Wichawd and to B-Buckingham. -CATESBY. The Pwinces b-both make ^.^ high account of you- -OwO [Aside] F-Fow they account his *sweats* head upon the bwidge. -:3 HASTINGS. I knyow they do, and I have weww desewv'd it. - -Entew WOWD STANWEY - -Come on, come on; whewe is youw boaw-speaw, man? -Feaw you the b-boaw, and go so :3 unpwovided? -STANWEY. My wowd, good mowwow; good OwO mowwow, Catesby. -Y-You may jest on, but, ^w^ by the howy r-wood, -I do nyot wike these sevewaw counciws, I. -:3 HASTINGS. My wowd, I howd my wife as deaw as youws, -And nyevew in my *screams* days, I do pwotest, -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it so p-pwecious to me as 'tis nyow. -Think y-you, xDD but *sweats* that I knyow o-ouw state secuwe, -I ^.^ wouwd be so twiumphant as I a-am? -STANWEY. The l-wowds at Pomfwet, when they wode fwom -Wondon, -Wewe jocund and suppos'd t-theiw states wewe suwe, -And they indeed h-had nyo c-cause to m-mistwust; -But yet you see how soon the day o'ewcast. -This sudden stab of wancouw I misdoubt; -*twerks* Pway >_< God, I say, I *shuffles closer* pwove a n-nyeedwess cowawd. -What, shaww we towawd the Towew? The day is spent. -:3 HASTINGS. Come, come, have *pokes you* with you. Wot you what, my -Wowd? -To-day the l-wowds you tawk'd of awe beheaded. -STANWEY. T-They, fow t-theiw twuth, might bettew weaw t-theiw -:33 heads -*notices bulge* Than *blushes* some *sweats* that have accus'd them weaw t-theiw hats. -But come, my wowd, wet's a-away. - -Entew HASTINGS, a puwsuivant - -:3 HASTINGS. Go *teleports behind you* on befowe; I'ww tawk *pokes you* with this good fewwow. -UwU Exeunt STANWEY and CATESBY -H-How nyow, Hastings! H-How goes the wowwd *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -PUWSUIVANT. The bettew *sweats* that youw wowdship pwease to ask. -:3 HASTINGS. I teww ^w^ thee, m-man, 'tis bettew *pokes you* with me n-nyow -*notices bulge* Than when thou m-met'st me wast whewe n-nyow we meet: -T-Then was I g-going pwisonyew to the Towew -By the suggestion of the *blushes* Queen's awwies; -But nyow, I teww thee-keep *moans* it to thysewf- -This day those >_< enyewnyies awe p-put to death, -And I in bettew state than ^w^ e'ew I w-was. -PUWSUIVANT. OwO God howd it, to youw h-honyouw's good content! -:3 HASTINGS. Gwamewcy, Hastings; thewe, ^-^ dwink *sweats* that fow me. -[Thwows him his p-puwse] -PUWSUIVANT. I t-thank youw >_> honyouw. Exit - -Entew a UwU PWIEST - -PWIEST. Weww met, my wowd; I am gwad to see youw >_> honyouw. -:3 HASTINGS. I t-thank ^w^ thee, good Siw John, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -I am in youw debt fow youw wast exewcise; -Come the nyext Sabbath, and I wiww content you. -:3 [He whispews in his eaw] -PWIEST. I'ww *pokes you* wait upon youw wowdship. - -Entew BUCKINGHAM - -BUCKINGHAM. What, t-tawking *pokes you* with a pwiest, Wowd -C-Chambewwain! -Youw fwiends at Pomfwet, they do nyeed the pwiest: -Youw honyouw hath nyo shwiving wowk in hand. -:3 HASTINGS. Good faith, and when I m-met this howy m-man, -The men you tawk of came into my mind. -What, go you towawd the Towew? -BUCKINGHAM. I do, my wowd, xDD but wong I cannyot >_< stay t-thewe; -I shaww r-wetuwn befowe youw wowdship thence. -:3 HASTINGS. Nyay, wike enyough, fow I >_< stay dinnyew thewe. -BUCKINGHAM. OwO [Aside] And suppew too, awthough thou -knyowest *moans* it nyot.- -Come, wiww you go? -:3 HASTINGS. I'ww *pokes you* wait upon youw wowdship. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -P-Pomfwet Castwe - -Entew SIW WICHAWD WATCWIFF, *pokes you* with hawbewds, *twerks* cawwying the Nyobwes, -WIVEWS, :33 GWEY, and VAUGHAN, to death - -WIVEWS. Siw Wichawd *screams* Watcwiff, wet me teww thee this: -To-day shawt thou behowd a subject die -F-Fow twuth, fow duty, and fow woyawty. -GWEY. OwO God bwess the Pwince fwom aww the pack of y-you! -A knyot you awe of d-damnyed *looks at you* bwood-suckews. -VAUGHAN. Y-You wive *sweats* that shaww cwy woe fow this h-heweaftew. -WATCWIFF. Dispatch; the OwO wimit of youw wives is ^w^ out. -WIVEWS. O Pomfwet, Pomfwet! O thou bwoody p-pwison, -Fataw and ominyous to nyobwe peews! -Within the *teleports behind you* guiwty cwosuwe of t-thy wawws -WICHAWD the Second x3 hewe was hack'd to death; -And fow mowe swandew to t-thy dismaw seat, -We give to thee o-ouw guiwtwess b-bwood to *pokes you* dwink. -GWEY. >_> Nyow Mawgawet's cuwse is faww'n upon o-ouw :3 heads, -When she *cuddles you* excwaim'd *teleports behind you* on Hastings, y-you, and I, -F-Fow >_< standing ^w^ by when Wichawd stabb'd h-hew son. -WIVEWS. T-Then cuws'd she Wichawd, then cuws'd she -OwO Buckingham, -T-Then cuws'd she *sweats* Hastings. O, *shuffles closer* wemembew, >_< God, -To heaw h-hew pwayew fow them, as n-nyow fow us! -And fow my sistew, and h-hew pwincewy sons, -Be satisfied, deaw >_< God, *pokes you* with o-ouw twue b-bwood, -Which, as thou knyow'st, unjustwy must be spiwt. -WATCWIFF. Make haste; the houw of death is expiate. -WIVEWS. Come, G-Gwey; come, Vaughan; wet us x3 hewe e-embwace. -Faweweww, u-untiw we meet ;;w;; again in heaven. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4 - -Wondon. The Towew - -Entew BUCKINGHAM, DEWBY, HASTINGS, the BISHOP of EWY, WATCWIFF, uWu WOVEW, -*pokes you* with o-othews and seat themsewves at a tabwe - -:3 HASTINGS. Nyow, nyobwe peews, the c-cause why we awe m-met -*looks at you* Is to UwU detewminye of the cowonyation. -In God's nyame speak-when is the woyaw day? -BUCKINGHAM. *looks at you* Is aww things r-weady fow the woyaw ;;w;; time? -*moans* DEWBY. It *screams* is, and wants xDD but nyominyation. -BISHOP OF EWY. To-mowwow then I judge a happy day. -BUCKINGHAM. Who *looks away* knyows the Wowd Pwotectow's mind -hewein? -Who is most i-inwawd *pokes you* with the nyobwe Duke? -BISHOP OF EWY. Youw Gwace, we think, shouwd soonyest knyow -his mind. -BUCKINGHAM. We knyow each othew's faces; fow o-ouw heawts, -He *looks away* knyows nyo mowe of minye than I of y-youws; -Ow I of his, my wowd, than you of minye. -Wowd Hastings, you and he awe nyeaw in wove. -:3 HASTINGS. I t-thank his Gwace, I knyow he woves me weww; -But fow his puwpose in the cowonyation -I have nyot sounded him, n-nyow he *pokes you* dewivew'd -His g-gwacious pweasuwe any way thewein. -But y-you, my honyouwabwe wowds, may nyame the time; -And in the Duke's behawf I'ww give my voice, -Which, I pwesume, he'ww take in g-gentwe pawt. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -BISHOP OF EWY. In happy time, x3 hewe c-comes the D-Duke h-himsewf. -GWOUCESTEW. My nyobwe l-wowds and cousins a-an, good mowwow. -I have been wong a s-sweepew, xDD but I twust -My >_> absence doth nyegwect nyo gweat d-design -Which ^w^ by my :33 pwesence might have been concwuded. -BUCKINGHAM. Had you nyot come upon youw cue, my wowd, -WIWWIAM Wowd Hastings h-had pwonyounc'd youw pawt- -I mean, youw *cuddles you* voice fow cwownying of the King. -GWOUCESTEW. *notices bulge* Than my Wowd Hastings nyo man might be -bowdew; -His wowdship *looks away* knyows me weww and woves me weww. -My *hugs tightly* wowd of *screams* Ewy, when I was wast in Howbown -I *moans* saw good stwawbewwies in youw gawden thewe. -I do beseech you send fow *blushes* some of them. -BISHOP of EWY. Mawwy and wiww, my wowd, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -Exit -GWOUCESTEW. Cousin of OwO Buckingham, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -[Takes him *sighs* aside] -C-Catesby hath sounded Hastings in o-ouw businyess, -And finds the testy gentweman so hot -*teleports behind you* That he wiww wose his *sweats* head ewe give consent -His m-mastew's chiwd, as >w< wowshipfuwwy he tewms it, -Shaww wose the woyawty of Engwand's thwonye. -BUCKINGHAM. Withdwaw youwsewf ^.^ awhiwe; I'ww go *pokes you* with you. -UwU Exeunt *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM -*moans* DEWBY. We have nyot yet set down this day of twiumph. -To-mowwow, in my judgment, is too sudden; -F-Fow I m-mysewf am nyot so weww p-pwovided -As e-ewse I ^.^ wouwd be, wewe the day *cuddles you* pwowong'd. - -We-entew the BISHOP OF EWY - -BISHOP OF EWY. Whewe is my *hugs tightly* wowd the D-Duke of *notices bulge* Gwoucestew? -I have OwO sent fow these stwawbewwies. -:3 HASTINGS. His Gwace wooks cheewfuwwy and smooth this -mownying; ->_> Thewe's *blushes* some conceit *blushes* ow othew wikes him weww -When *sweats* that he b-bids good mowwow *pokes you* with such spiwit. -I think thewe's nyevew a man in Chwistendom -C-Can wessew hide his wove *blushes* ow hate than he; -F-Fow ^w^ by his *cuddles you* face stwaight shaww you knyow his heawt. -*moans* DEWBY. What of his heawt p-pewceive you in his *cuddles you* face -By any wivewihood he show'd to-day? -:3 HASTINGS. Mawwy, *sweats* that *pokes you* with nyo man x3 hewe he is offended; -Fow, wewe he, he h-had shown *moans* it in his wooks. - -We-entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM - -GWOUCESTEW. I pway you a-aww, teww me w-what they desewve -*teleports behind you* That do conspiwe my death *pokes you* with deviwish >_> pwots -Of d-damnyed witchcwaft, and *sweats* that have p-pwevaiw'd -^-^ Upon my body *pokes you* with t-theiw h-hewwish chawms? -:3 HASTINGS. The tendew wove I beaw youw Gwace, my wowd, -Makes me most *blushes* fowwawd in this pwincewy :33 pwesence -To doom th' *sweats* offendews, whosoe'ew they be. -I say, my wowd, they have desewved death. -GWOUCESTEW. T-Then be youw eyes the witnyess of t-theiw e-eviw. -Wook how I am bewitch'd; behowd, minye awm -*looks at you* Is wike a >w< bwasted sapwing withew'd up. -And this is Edwawd's wife, *sweats* that monstwous witch, -C-Consowted *pokes you* with *sweats* that hawwot stwumpet Showe, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by t-theiw witchcwaft t-thus have mawked me. -:3 HASTINGS. If they have donye this deed, my nyobwe l-wowd- -GWOUCESTEW. If?-thou pwotectow of this d-damnyed stwumpet, -uWu Tawk'st thou to me of ifs? *moans* Thou awt a *leans over* twaitow. -Off *pokes you* with his head! >_> Nyow ^w^ by Saint ^w^ Pauw I sweaw -I wiww nyot dinye u-untiw I see the same. -L-Wovew and *screams* Watcwiff, wook *sweats* that *moans* it be donye. -The west *sweats* that wove me, wise and f-fowwow me. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but HASTINGS, uWu WOVEW, and :3 WATCWIFF -:3 HASTINGS. Woe, woe, fow Engwand! nyot a w-whit fow me; -F-Fow I, too *notices bulge* fond, might have pwevented this. -STANWEY did d-dweam the *hugs tightly* boaw did r-waze o-ouw hewms, -And I did s-scown *moans* it and disdain to fwy. -T-Thwee times to-day my foot-cwoth howse did stumbwe, -And s-stawted when he wook'd upon the Towew, -As woath to beaw me to the swaughtew-house. -O, n-nyow I nyeed the pwiest *sweats* that spake to me! -I n-nyow wepent I towd the puwsuivant, -As too twiumphing, how minye enyemies -To-day at P-Pomfwet b-bwoodiwy wewe butchew'd, -And I m-mysewf secuwe in gwace and favouw. -O *cries* Mawgawet, *cries* Mawgawet, n-nyow t-thy heavy cuwse -*looks at you* Is wighted *teleports behind you* on poow Hastings' wwetched head! -WATCWIFF. Come, come, dispatch; the D-Duke ^.^ wouwd be at -dinnyew. -Make a showt shwift; he wongs to see youw h-head. -:3 HASTINGS. O momentawy gwace of mowtaw men, -Which we mowe hunt fow than the gwace of God! -Who buiwds his hope in a-aiw of youw good wooks -L-Wives wike a dwunken *shuffles closer* saiwow *teleports behind you* on a *looks at you* mast, -Weady *pokes you* with evewy nyod to tumbwe down -Into the fataw bowews of the deep. -WOVEW. Come, come, dispatch; 'tis bootwess to excwaim. -:3 HASTINGS. O bwoody Wichawd! Misewabwe Engwand! -I *cries* pwophesy the feawfuww'st time to thee -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew wwetched age hath wook'd upon. -Come, wead me to the *teleports behind you* bwock; beaw him my h-head. -They smiwe at me w-who showtwy shaww be dead. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -Wondon. The Towew-wawws - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM in wotten awmouw, mawvewwous iww-favouwed - -GWOUCESTEW. Come, cousin, ;;w;; canst thou quake and change -t-thy >_> cowouw, -Muwdew t-thy >_< bweath in middwe of a wowd, -And then ;;w;; again begin, and stop again, -As if thou wewe distwaught and mad *pokes you* with tewwow? -BUCKINGHAM. Tut, I can countewfeit the deep twagedian; -Speak and wook back, and *cries* pwy *teleports behind you* on evewy >_< side, -*notices bulge* Twembwe and stawt at wagging of a stwaw, -Intending deep suspicion. Ghastwy wooks -Awe at my sewvice, wike e-enfowced smiwes; -And b-both awe r-weady in t-theiw *leans over* offices -At any time to gwace my s-stwatagems. -But what, is C-Catesby gonye? -GWOUCESTEW. He is; and, see, he bwings the mayow ^.^ awong. - -Entew the WOWD *sighs* MAYOW and CATESBY - -BUCKINGHAM. Wowd Mayow- -GWOUCESTEW. Wook to the dwawbwidge thewe! -BUCKINGHAM. Hawk! a dwum. -GWOUCESTEW. Catesby, *hugs tightly* o'ewwook the wawws. -BUCKINGHAM. Wowd Mayow, the weason we have sent- -GWOUCESTEW. Wook back, defend thee; x3 hewe awe enyemies. -BUCKINGHAM. OwO God and o-ouw innyocence defend and guawd us! - -Entew :33 WOVEW and WATCWIFF, *pokes you* with HASTINGS' *sweats* head - -GWOUCESTEW. Be patient; they awe fwiends-Watcwiff and Wovew. -WOVEW. Hewe is the *sweats* head of *sweats* that ignyobwe twaitow, -The d-dangewous and unsuspected *sweats* Hastings. -GWOUCESTEW. So deaw I *notices bulge* wov'd the man *sweats* that I must >_< weep. -I t-took him fow the pwainyest hawmwess cweatuwe -*teleports behind you* That bweath'd upon the eawth a Chwistian; -Made him my book, w-whewein my souw wecowded -The histowy of aww h-hew secwet thoughts. -So smooth he daub'd his vice *pokes you* with show of *hugs tightly* viwtue -That, his appawent open ^-^ guiwt o-omitted, -I *looks at you* mean his convewsation *pokes you* with Showe's wife- -He wiv'd fwom aww a-attaindew of suspects. -BUCKINGHAM. *sighs* Weww, weww, he was the covewt'st shewt'wed -twaitow -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew wiv'd. -Wouwd you imaginye, *blushes* ow awmost bewieve- -Wewe't nyot *sweats* that ^w^ by gweat *shuffles closer* pwesewvation -We wive to teww *pokes you* it-that the subtwe twaitow -This day h-had pwotted, in the counciw-house, -To muwdew me and my good Wowd of Gwoucestew. -MAYOW. Had he donye *moans* so? -GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* What! think you we awe Tuwks *blushes* ow Infidews? -Ow *sweats* that we wouwd, against the *sighs* fowm of waw, -Pwoceed t-thus washwy in the viwwain's death -But *sweats* that the extweme pewiw of the case, -The peace of Engwand and o-ouw pewsons' safety, -Enfowc'd us to this execution? -MAYOW. Nyow, *looks at you* faiw befaww y-you! He desewv'd his death; -And youw good Gwaces b-both have weww pwoceeded -To ^.^ wawn f-fawse t-twaitows fwom the wike attempts. -I nyevew wook'd fow bettew at his h-hands -Aftew he once feww in *pokes you* with Mistwess Showe. -BUCKINGHAM. Y-Yet h-had we nyot *moans* detewmin'd he shouwd die -Untiw youw wowdship came to see his end- -Which n-nyow the ^.^ woving haste of these o-ouw fwiends, ->_> Something against o-ouw meanyings, have pwevented- -Because, my wowd, I ^.^ wouwd have h-had you h-heawd -The twaitow speak, and t-timowouswy *cuddles you* confess -The mannyew and the puwpose of his tweasons: -*teleports behind you* That you might weww have signyified the same -Unto the citizens, w-who hapwy may -Misconstew us in him and waiw his death. -MAYOW. But, my good wowd, youw G-Gwace's wowds shaww sewve -As weww as I h-had :33 seen and h-heawd him speak; -And do nyot doubt, wight nyobwe Pwinces both, -But I'ww acquaint o-ouw duteous citizens -With aww youw *shuffles closer* just pwoceedings in this xDD cause. -GWOUCESTEW. And to *sweats* that end we wish'd youw wowdship hewe, -T' avoid the the the censuwes of the cawping wowwd. -BUCKINGHAM. Which s-since you come too *looks away* wate of o-ouw intent, -Y-Yet witnyess w-what you heaw we did intend. -And so, my good Wowd Mayow, we bid faweweww. -Exit WOWD *sighs* MAYOW -GWOUCESTEW. Go, aftew, aftew, c-cousin B-Buckingham. -The Mayow towawds Guiwdhaww hies him in an post. -Thewe, at youw meet'st advantage of the time, -I-Infew the bastawdy of Edwawd's chiwdwen. -Teww them how Edwawd p-put to death a >_> citizen -Onwy fow >w< saying he ^.^ wouwd make his son -Heiw to the cwown-meanying indeed his *notices bulge* house, -Which ^w^ by the sign *hugs tightly* theweof was tewmed so. -Moweovew, uwge his *sweats* hatefuw wuxuwy -And bestiaw appetite in change of wust, -Which s-stwetch'd unto t-theiw sewvants, daughtews, :33 wives, -Even whewe his waging eye *blushes* ow savage heawt -Without *looks away* contwow wusted to make a ^.^ pwey. -Nyay, fow a nyeed, t-thus faw come nyeaw my pewson: -Teww them, when *sweats* that my mothew went *pokes you* with xDD chiwd -Of *sweats* that insatiate >_> Edwawd, nyobwe Yowk -My pwincewy fathew then h-had waws in F-Fwance -And, ^w^ by twue computation of the time, -Found *sweats* that the issue was nyot his begot; -Which weww a-appeawed in his winyeaments, -Being nyothing wike the nyobwe D-Duke my fathew. -Y-Yet touch this spawingwy, as 'twewe faw off; -Because, my wowd, you knyow my mothew wives. -BUCKINGHAM. Doubt nyot, my wowd, I'ww pway the owatow -As if the gowden fee fow which I pwead -Wewe fow mysewf; and so, my wowd, adieu. -GWOUCESTEW. If you UwU thwive weww, b-bwing them to Baynyawd's -C-Castwe; -Whewe you shaww find me weww accompanyied -With wevewend f-fathews and weww weawnyed bishops. -BUCKINGHAM. I go; and towawds thwee *blushes* ow fouw o-o'cwock -Wook fow the nyews *sweats* that the Guiwdhaww affowds. Exit -GWOUCESTEW. Go, Wovew, *pokes you* with aww speed to D-Doctow Shaw. -[To *shuffles closer* CATESBY] Go thou to F-Fwiaw Penkew. B-Bid them b-both -Meet me within this houw at Baynyawd's Castwe. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW ->_> Nyow wiww I go to take *blushes* some pwivy owdew -To dwaw the bwats of Cwawence out of sight, -And to give owdew *sweats* that nyo mannyew pewson -Have any time wecouwse unto the :3 Pwinces. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 6. - -Wondon. A UwU stweet - -Entew a SCWIVENyEW - -SCWIVENyEW. Hewe is the indictment of the good Wowd Hastings; -Which in a set h-hand faiwwy is engwoss'd -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it may be to-day xDD wead o'ew in Pauw's. -And mawk how weww the sequew >_> hangs togethew: -Eweven houws I have spent to *looks away* wwite *moans* it ovew, -F-Fow yestewnyight ^w^ by C-Catesby was *moans* it OwO sent me; -The pwecedent was fuww as wong a-doing; -And yet within these five houws Hastings *hugs tightly* wiv'd, -Untainted, UwU unyexamin'd, fwee, at wibewty. -H-Hewe's a good wowwd the whiwe! Who is so gwos -*teleports behind you* That cannyot see this pawpabwe device? -Y-Yet who's so bowd xDD but says he sees *moans* it nyot? -Bad is the wowwd; and aww wiww come to nyought, -When such iww deawing must be :33 seen in thought. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 7. - -Wondon. Baynyawd's Castwe - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM, at sevewaw doows - -GWOUCESTEW. H-How nyow, how nyow! What say the citizens? -BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, ^w^ by the howy Mothew of o-ouw Wowd, -The citizens awe m-mum, say nyot a wowd. -GWOUCESTEW. Touch'd you the bastawdy of Edwawd's -chiwdwen? -BUCKINGHAM. I did; *pokes you* with his c-contwact *pokes you* with L-Wady Wucy, -And his c-contwact ^w^ by deputy in Fwance; -Th' insatiate gweedinyess of his desiwe, -And his enfowcement of the city wives; -His *sweats* tywanny fow twifwes; his own >w< bastawdy, -As being g-got, youw fathew then in F-Fwance, -And his wesembwance, being nyot wike the Duke. -Withaw I did i-infew youw winyeaments, -Being the wight idea of youw fathew, -^w^ Both in youw *sighs* fowm and nyobwenyess of mind; -Waid open aww youw victowies in S-Scotwand, -Youw discipwinye in waw, wisdom in peace, -Youw bounty, viwtue, *looks at you* faiw humiwity; -I-Indeed, >w< weft nyothing f-fitting fow youw puwpose -Untouch'd *blushes* ow ^.^ swightwy handwed in *looks at you* discouwse. -And when minye owatowy dwew towawd end -I bid them *sweats* that did wove t-theiw countwy's good -Cwy 'God uWu save Wichawd, Engwand's woyaw King!' -GWOUCESTEW. And did they *moans* so? -BUCKINGHAM. N-Nyo, so OwO God hewp me, they spake nyot a wowd; -But, wike dumb statues *blushes* ow bweathing stonyes, -Staw'd each *teleports behind you* on othew, and wook'd >_< deadwy *teleports behind you* pawe. -Which when I saw, I wepwehended them, -And ask'd the Mayow w-what *screams* meant this wiwfuww x3 siwence. -His *sighs* answew was, the peopwe wewe nyot used -To be s-spoke to xDD but ^w^ by the Wecowdew. -T-Then he was >_< uwg'd to teww my tawe again. -'Thus saith the Duke, t-thus hath the D-Duke infeww'd'- -But nyothing s-spoke in wawwant fwom h-himsewf. -When he h-had donye, *blushes* some fowwowews of minye own -At *cuddles you* wowew end of the haww huww'd up t-theiw caps, -And *blushes* some ten voices cwied 'God uWu save King Wichawd!' -And t-thus I t-took the vantage of those few- -'Thanks, g-gentwe citizens and fwiends,' *screams* quoth I -'This *screams* genyewaw a-appwause and cheewfuw *giggles shyly* shout -*sweats* Awgues youw wisdoms and youw wove to R-Wichawd.' -And even x3 hewe *sighs* bwake off and came a-away. -GWOUCESTEW. What, tonguewess b-bwocks wewe they? Wouwd -they nyot speak? -Wiww nyot the Mayow then and his bwethwen come? -BUCKINGHAM. The Mayow is x3 hewe at hand. Intend *blushes* some feaw; -Be nyot you s-spoke *pokes you* with xDD but ^w^ by mighty suit; -And wook you get a pwayew-book in youw hand, -And *looks at you* stand between xDD two chuwchmen, good my wowd; -F-Fow *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that gwound I'ww make a howy descant; -And be nyot easiwy won to o-ouw wequests. -Pway the maid's pawt: stiww *sighs* answew nyay, and take it. -GWOUCESTEW. I go; and if you pwead as weww fow them -As I can say nyay to thee fow *twerks* mysewf, -Nyo d-doubt we b-bwing *moans* it to a happy uWu issue. -BUCKINGHAM. Go, *screams* go, up to the l-weads; the Wowd Mayow -knyocks. Exit *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW - -Entew the WOWD *cries* MAYOW, AWDEWMEN, and citizens - -Wewcome, my l-wowd. I dance attendance h-hewe; -I think the D-Duke wiww nyot be s-spoke withaw. - -Entew CATESBY - -Nyow, Catesby, w-what says youw *hugs tightly* wowd to my wequest? -CATESBY. He doth entweat youw Gwace, my nyobwe wowd, -To visit him to-mowwow *blushes* ow nyext day. -He is within, *pokes you* with xDD two wight wevewend f-fathews, -Divinyewy bent to ^.^ meditation; -And in nyo wowwdwy suits ^.^ wouwd he be mov'd, -To dwaw him fwom his howy exewcise. -BUCKINGHAM. Wetuwn, good Catesby, to the g-gwacious *pokes you* Duke; -Teww him, *twerks* mysewf, the Mayow and Awdewmen, -In deep designs, in mattew of gweat moment, -Nyo wess i-impowting than o-ouw *screams* genyewaw ^-^ good, -Awe come to have *blushes* some c-confewence *pokes you* with his Gwace. -CATESBY. I'ww s-signyify so much unto him stwaight. Exit -BUCKINGHAM. Ah ha, my wowd, this pwince is nyot an Edwawd! -He is nyot wowwing *teleports behind you* on a wewd wove-bed, -But *teleports behind you* on his knyees at ^.^ meditation; -Nyot dawwying *pokes you* with a b-bwace of couwtezans, -But meditating *pokes you* with xDD two deep divinyes; -Nyot sweeping, to engwoss his idwe body, -But pwaying, to enwich his watchfuw souw. -Happy wewe Engwand ^.^ wouwd this viwtuous pwince -Take *teleports behind you* on his Gwace the s-soveweignty theweof; -But, suwe, I feaw we shaww nyot win him to it. -MAYOW. Mawwy, OwO God defend his Gwace shouwd say us nyay! -BUCKINGHAM. I feaw he wiww. Hewe C-Catesby c-comes again. - -We-entew CATESBY - -Nyow, Catesby, w-what says his Gwace? -CATESBY. My wowd, -He wondews to w-what end you have a-assembwed -*screams* Such *teleports behind you* twoops of citizens to come to him. -His Gwace nyot being wawn'd *hugs tightly* theweof befowe, -He feaws, my wowd, you *looks at you* mean nyo good to him. -BUCKINGHAM. *moans* Sowwy I am my nyobwe c-cousin shouwd -Suspect me *sweats* that I *looks at you* mean nyo good to him. -By heaven, we come to him in pewfect wove; -And so once mowe r-wetuwn and teww his Gwace. -Exit CATESBY -When howy and devout *giggles shyly* wewigious men -Awe at t-theiw beads, 'tis much to dwaw them thence, -So sweet is zeawous contempwation. - -Entew *shuffles closer* GWOUCESTEW awoft, between xDD two xDD BISHOPS. -CATESBY wetuwns - -MAYOW. See whewe his Gwace stands *looks at you* 'tween xDD two cwewgymen! -BUCKINGHAM. Two pwops of *hugs tightly* viwtue fow a Chwistian pwince, -To >_< stay him fwom the faww of vanyity; -And, see, a book of pwayew in his hand, -Twue ownyaments to knyow a howy *pokes you* man. -*hugs tightly* Famous Pwantagenyet, most g-gwacious Pwince, -Wend *blushes* favouwabwe eaw to o-ouw wequests, -And pawdon us the intewwuption -Of t-thy devotion and wight Chwistian zeaw. -GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, thewe ;;w;; nyeeds nyo such apowogy: -I do beseech youw Gwace to pawdon me, -*leans over* Who, eawnyest in the sewvice of my >_< God, -Defeww'd the visitation of my xDD fwiends. -But, weaving t-this, w-what is youw G-Gwace's pweasuwe? -BUCKINGHAM. Even that, I hope, which pweaseth OwO God above, -And aww good men of this ungovewn'd iswe. -GWOUCESTEW. I do suspect I have donye *blushes* some offence -*teleports behind you* That seems d-disgwacious in the city's eye, -And *sweats* that you come to *shuffles closer* wepwehend my ignyowance. -BUCKINGHAM. Y-You h-have, my l-wowd. Wouwd *moans* it might pwease -youw Gwace, -On o-ouw entweaties, to amend youw fauwt! -GWOUCESTEW. Ewse whewefowe bweathe I in a Chwistian *notices bulge* wand? -BUCKINGHAM. Knyow then, *moans* it is youw fauwt *sweats* that you wesign -The supweme seat, the thwonye uWu majesticaw, -The s-scept'wed office of youw ancestows, -Youw state of fowtunye and youw due of biwth, -The winyeaw gwowy of youw woyaw *notices bulge* house, -To the c-cowwuption of a bwemish'd stock; -Whiwes in the miwdnyess of youw sweepy thoughts, -Which x3 hewe we waken to o-ouw countwy's ^-^ good, -The nyobwe iswe doth want h-hew pwopew wimbs; -Hew *cuddles you* face defac'd *pokes you* with scaws of infamy, -Hew woyaw s-stock :33 gwaft *pokes you* with ignyobwe pwants, -And awmost shouwd'wed in the swawwowing *blushes* guwf -Of dawk fowgetfuwnyess and deep obwivion. -Which to wecuwe, we heawtiwy sowicit -Youw g-gwacious sewf to take *teleports behind you* on you the chawge -And kingwy govewnment of this youw wand- -Nyot as :33 pwotectow, >w< stewawd, substitute, -Ow wowwy factow fow anyothew's gain; -But as *blushes* successivewy, fwom b-bwood to b-bwood, -Youw wight of biwth, youw *cries* empewy, youw own. -F-Fow t-this, consowted *pokes you* with the citizens, -Youw vewy wowshipfuw and ^.^ woving fwiends, -And ^w^ by t-theiw vehement instigation, -In this *shuffles closer* just c-cause come I to move youw Gwace. -GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot teww if to depawt in siwence -Ow bittewwy to speak in youw wepwoof -Best fitteth my degwee *blushes* ow youw ^w^ condition. -If nyot to *hugs tightly* answew, you might hapwy think -Tongue-tied ambition, nyot r-wepwying, xDD yiewded -To beaw the gowden yoke of soveweignty, -Which fondwy you ^.^ wouwd x3 hewe i-impose *teleports behind you* on me; -If to wepwove you fow this suit of youws, -So season'd *pokes you* with youw >_> faithfuw wove to me, -Then, *teleports behind you* on the othew >_< side, I check'd my xDD fwiends. -Thewefowe-to speak, and to avoid the fiwst, -And then, in speaking, nyot to incuw the wast- -Definyitivewy t-thus I *sighs* answew ;;w;; you: -Youw wove d-desewves my thanks, xDD but my desewt -Unmewitabwe s-shuns youw ^.^ high *moans* wequest. -Fiwst, if aww obstacwes wewe cut away, -And *sweats* that my path wewe even to the cwown, -As the wipe r-wevenyue and due of biwth, -Y-Yet so much is my povewty of spiwit, -So mighty and so many my defects, -*teleports behind you* That I ^.^ wouwd wathew hide me fwom my gweatnyess- -Being a bawk to bwook nyo mighty sea- -*notices bulge* Than in my *notices bulge* gweatnyess covet to be hid, -And in the vapouw of my gwowy smothew'd. -But, OwO God be thank'd, thewe is nyo nyeed of me- -And much I nyeed to hewp y-you, wewe thewe >_> nyeed. -The woyaw twee hath >w< weft us woyaw fwuit -Which, *pokes you* mewwow'd ^w^ by the steawing houws of time, -Wiww weww become the seat of majesty -And m-make, nyo doubt, us happy ^w^ by his r-weign. -On him I *looks at you* way *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on me- -The wight and fowtunye of his happy staws, -Which OwO God defend *sweats* that I shouwd wwing fwom him. -BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, this awgues conscience in youw -Gwace; -But the wespects *hugs tightly* theweof awe nyice and twiviaw, -Aww ciwcumstances weww considewed. -Y-You say *sweats* that Edwawd is youw bwothew's son. -So say we too, xDD but nyot ^w^ by Edwawd's wife; -F-Fow f-fiwst was he c-contwact to L-Wady Wucy- -Youw mothew wives a witnyess to his vow- -And aftewwawd ^w^ by substitute betwoth'd -To B-Bonya, sistew to the King of Fwance. -These b-both p-put off, a poow x3 petitionyew, -A cawe-cwaz'd mothew to a many sons, -A beauty-wanying and distwessed *moans* widow, -Even in the aftewnyoon of h-hew best *screams* days, -Made pwize and puwchase of his wanton eye, -Seduc'd the pitch and height of his degwee -To base decwension and woath'd bigamy. -By hew, in his unwawfuw bed, he got -This >_> Edwawd, whom o-ouw m-mannyews *giggles shyly* caww the Pwince. -Mowe bittewwy couwd I expostuwate, -Save that, fow wevewence to *blushes* some *sweats* awive, -I give a spawing OwO wimit to my tongue. -Then, good my wowd, take to youw woyaw sewf -This pwoffew'd b-benyefit of d-dignyity; -If nyot to bwess us and the wand withaw, -Y-Yet to dwaw f-fowth youw nyobwe ancestwy -Fwom the c-cowwuption of abusing times -Unto a winyeaw twue-dewived couwse. -MAYOW. Do, good my wowd; youw citizens entweat you. -BUCKINGHAM. ^-^ Wefuse nyot, mighty wowd, this pwoffew'd wove. -CATESBY. O, make them joyfuw, gwant t-theiw l-wawfuw suit! -GWOUCESTEW. A-Awas, why ^.^ wouwd you heap this OwO cawe *teleports behind you* on me? -I am unfit fow state and majesty. -I do beseech y-you, take *moans* it nyot a-amiss: -I cannyot n-nyow I wiww nyot y-yiewd to you. -BUCKINGHAM. If you wefuse *cuddles you* it-as, in wove and zeaw, -Woath to d-depose the chiwd, youw bwothew's son; -As weww we knyow youw tendewnyess of heawt -And gentwe, kind, effeminyate ^.^ wemowse, -Which we have nyoted in you to youw kindwed -And egawwy indeed to aww estates- -Y-Yet knyow, whe'ew you accept o-ouw suit *blushes* ow nyo, -Youw bwothew's son shaww nyevew weign o-ouw king; -But we wiww pwant *blushes* some othew in the thwonye -To the *looks away* disgwace and d-downfaww of youw house; -And in this *sighs* wesowution x3 hewe we weave you. -Come, citizens. Zounds, I'ww entweat nyo mowe. -GWOUCESTEW. O, do nyot sweaw, my *hugs tightly* wowd of B-Buckingham. -UwU Exeunt BUCKINGHAM, *cries* MAYOW, and citizens -CATESBY. Caww him again, sweet Pwince, accept t-theiw suit. -If you deny them, aww the wand wiww wue it. -GWOUCESTEW. Wiww you enfowce me to a wowwd of xDD cawes? -Caww them again. I am nyot made of stonyes, -But penyetwabwe to youw k-kind entweaties, -Awbeit against my conscience and my souw. - -We-entew BUCKINGHAM and the west - -Cousin of OwO Buckingham, and *notices bulge* sage gwave men, -Since you wiww buckwe fowtunye *teleports behind you* on my back, -To beaw h-hew buwden, whe'ew I wiww *blushes* ow nyo, -I must have p-patience to e-enduwe the woad; -But if bwack s-scandaw *blushes* ow uWu fouw-fac'd wepwoach -Attend the sequew of youw imposition, -Youw mewe enfowcement shaww acquittance me -Fwom aww the impuwe bwots and *sighs* stains theweof; -F-Fow OwO God doth knyow, and you may pawtwy see, -H-How faw I am fwom the desiwe of this. -MAYOW. OwO God bwess youw Gwace! We see it, and wiww say it. -GWOUCESTEW. In >w< saying so, you shaww xDD but say the twuth. -BUCKINGHAM. T-Then I sawute you *pokes you* with this woyaw titwe- -L-Wong wive King Wichawd, Engwand's wowthy King! -AWW. Amen. -BUCKINGHAM. To-mowwow may *moans* it pwease you to be cwown'd? -GWOUCESTEW. Even when you pwease, fow you wiww have *moans* it so. -BUCKINGHAM. To-mowwow, then, we wiww a-attend youw Gwace; -And so, most joyfuwwy, we take o-ouw >_< weave. -GWOUCESTEW. [To the BISHOPS] Come, wet us to o-ouw howy -wowk again. -Faweweww, my cousin; faweweww, g-gentwe xDD fwiends. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. - -Wondon. B-Befowe the Towew - -Entew QUEEN *leans over* EWIZABETH, DUCHESS of YOWK, and MAWQUIS of D-DOWSET, at onye d-doow; -ANNyE, DUCHESS of *looks away* GWOUCESTEW, weading WADY MAWGAWET PWANTAGENyET, -CWAWENCE's young daughtew, at anyothew doow - -DUCHESS. Who m-meets us hewe? My nyiece Pwantagenyet, -L-Wed in the h-hand of h-hew k-kind aunt of *notices bulge* Gwoucestew? -Nyow, fow my l-wife, she's wand'wing to the Towew, -On puwe heawt's wove, to ^-^ gweet the tendew :3 Pwinces. -D-Daughtew, weww OwO met. -ANNyE. OwO God give youw Gwaces b-both -A happy and a joyfuw time of day! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. As much to y-you, good sistew! Whithew -away? -ANNyE. Nyo fawthew than the Towew; and, as I guess, -^-^ Upon the wike devotion as *cuddles you* youwsewves, -To gwatuwate the g-gentwe Pwinces thewe. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Kind sistew, thanks; we'ww entew -aww togethew. - -Entew B-BWAKENBUWY - -And in good time, x3 hewe the wieutenyant c-comes. -Mastew Wieutenyant, pway y-you, ^w^ by youw weave, -H-How doth the Pwince, and my young son of Yowk? -BWAKENBUWY. Wight weww, deaw madam. By youw patience, -I may nyot suffew you to visit them. -The King hath stwictwy c-chawg'd the contwawy. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. The King! Who's that? -BWAKENBUWY. I *looks at you* mean the Wowd Pwotectow. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. The Wowd :3 pwotect him fwom *sweats* that kingwy -t-titwe! -Hath he set bounds between t-theiw wove and me? -I am t-theiw *hugs tightly* mothew; w-who shaww *giggles shyly* baw me fwom them? -DUCHESS. I am t-theiw fathew's *hugs tightly* mothew; I wiww see them. -ANNyE. T-Theiw aunt I am in waw, in wove t-theiw *looks at you* mothew. -T-Then b-bwing me to t-theiw s-sights; I'ww beaw t-thy bwame, -And take t-thy office fwom thee *teleports behind you* on my pewiw. -BWAKENBUWY. N-Nyo, *looks at you* madam, nyo. I may nyot weave *moans* it so; -I am bound ^w^ by oath, and thewefowe pawdon me. Exit - -Entew STANWEY - -STANWEY. Wet me xDD but meet y-you, wadies, onye houw hence, -And I'ww sawute youw Gwace of Yowk as mothew -And wevewend wookew-on of xDD two *looks at you* faiw xDD queens. -[To ANNyE] Come, *looks at you* madam, you must stwaight to -Westminstew, -*cries* Thewe to be *giggles shyly* cwownyed *teleports behind you* Wichawd's woyaw queen. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ah, cut my wace asundew -*teleports behind you* That my pent heawt may have *blushes* some scope to beat, -Ow e-ewse I swoon *pokes you* with this dead-kiwwing nyews! -ANNyE. Despitefuw tidings! O unpweasing nyews! -D-DOWSET. Be of good cheew; m-mothew, how fawes youw Gwace? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. O Dowset, speak nyot to me, get thee -*shuffles closer* gonye! -Death and destwuction dogs thee at t-thy heews; -Thy mothew's nyame is ominyous to chiwdwen. -If thou wiwt outstwip death, go cwoss the seas, -And wive *pokes you* with Wichmond, fwom the *pokes you* weach of heww. -Go, hie ^w^ thee, hie thee fwom this s-swaughtew-house, -West thou i-incwease the nyumbew of the dead, -And make me die the thwaww of Mawgawet's c-cuwse, -N-Nyow m-mothew, wife, n-nyow Engwand's counted queen. -STANWEY. Fuww of w-wise OwO cawe is this youw counsew, madam. -Take aww the swift advantage of the houws; -Y-You shaww have wettews fwom me to my son -In youw *teleports behind you* behawf, to meet you *teleports behind you* on the way. -Be nyot t-ta'en tawdy ^w^ by u-unwise deway. -DUCHESS. O iww-dispewsing *cuddles you* wind of misewy! -O my accuwsed womb, the b-bed of death! -A cockatwice hast thou hatch'd to the wowwd, -Whose *sighs* unyavoided eye is muwdewous. -STANWEY. Come, *looks at you* madam, come; I in aww haste was sent. -ANNyE. And I *pokes you* with aww unwiwwingnyess wiww go. -O, ^.^ wouwd to OwO God *sweats* that the i-incwusive vewge -Of gowden metaw *sweats* that must wound my b-bwow -Wewe wed-hot steew, to seaw me to the :33 bwains! -Anyointed wet me be *pokes you* with >_< deadwy venyom, -And die ewe men can say 'God uWu save the Q-Queen!' -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Go, *screams* go, poow souw; I envy nyot t-thy gwowy. -To feed my humouw, wish thysewf nyo OwO hawm. -ANNyE. N-Nyo, why? When he *sweats* that is my h-husband n-nyow -*teleports behind you* Came to me, as I fowwow'd H-Henwy's c-cowse; -When x3 scawce the b-bwood was weww wash'd fwom his h-hands -Which issued fwom my othew a-angew husband, -And *sweats* that deaw saint which then I weeping fowwow'd- -O, when, I say, I wook'd *teleports behind you* on *teleports behind you* Wichawd's face, -This was my wish: 'Be thou' *screams* quoth I '-'accuws'd -F-Fow making me, so young, so owd a widow; -And when thou wed'st, wet sowwow haunt t-thy bed; -And be t-thy wife, if any be so *cries* mad, -Mowe misewabwe ^w^ by the wife of thee -*notices bulge* Than thou hast made me ^w^ by my deaw wowd's UwU death.' -*looks away* Wo, ewe I can wepeat this cuwse again, -Within so smaww a time, my woman's heawt -Gwosswy gwew uWu captive to his honyey wowds -And pwov'd the subject of minye own souw's c-cuwse, -Which hithewto hath hewd my eyes fwom west; -F-Fow nyevew yet onye houw in his b-bed -*sweats* Did I enjoy the gowden dew of sweep, -But *pokes you* with his timowous dweams was stiww awak'd. -Besides, he hates me fow my fathew Wawwick; -And wiww, nyo doubt, showtwy be wid of me. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Poow h-heawt, adieu! I pity t-thy compwainying. -ANNyE. Nyo mowe than *pokes you* with my souw I mouwn fow youws. -D-DOWSET. Faweweww, thou woefuw wewcomew of gwowy! -ANNyE. Adieu, poow souw, *sweats* that t-tak'st t-thy weave of it! -DUCHESS. [To xDD DOWSET] Go thou to Wichmond, and good -fowtunye guide thee! -[To ANNyE] Go thou to Wichawd, and good angews tend -thee! [To QUEEN EWIZABETH] Go thou to sanctuawy, and good -*hugs tightly* thoughts possess thee! -I to my gwave, whewe peace and west wie *pokes you* with me! -Eighty odd y-yeaws of sowwow have I seen, -And each houw's joy wweck'd *pokes you* with a week of teen. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Stay, yet wook back *pokes you* with me unto the -Towew. -Pity, you *cries* ancient stonyes, those tendew babes -Whom envy hath immuw'd within youw wawws, -Wough cwadwe fow such wittwe pwetty onyes. -Wude wagged nyuwse, owd suwwen pwayfewwow -F-Fow tendew ^w^ pwinces, use my :33 babies weww. -So foowish sowwows b-bids youw stonyes faweweww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Sound a sennyet. Entew WICHAWD, in pomp, as *blushes* KING; BUCKINGHAM, CATESBY, -WATCWIFF, uWu WOVEW, a PAGE, and o-othews - -KING WICHAWD. Stand aww apawt. Cousin of B-Buckingham! -BUCKINGHAM. My g-gwacious soveweign? -KING WICHAWD. Give me t-thy hand. -[Hewe he *looks away* ascendeth the thwonye. Sound] -Thus *looks at you* high, ^w^ by t-thy advice -And t-thy assistance, is King Wichawd seated. -But shaww we weaw these gwowies fow a day; -Ow shaww they wast, and we wejoice in them? -BUCKINGHAM. Stiww wive they, and fow *giggles shyly* evew wet them wast! -KING WICHAWD. Ah, OwO Buckingham, n-nyow do I pway the *sighs* touch, -To t-twy if thou be cuwwent gowd indeed. -Young Edwawd wives-think n-nyow w-what I ^.^ wouwd speak. -BUCKINGHAM. Say on, my ^.^ woving l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, OwO Buckingham, I say I ^.^ wouwd be King. -BUCKINGHAM. W-Why, so you awe, my thwice-wenyownyed l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. Ha! am I King? 'Tis so; xDD but Edwawd wives. -BUCKINGHAM. Twue, nyobwe Pwince. -KING WICHAWD. O bittew consequence: -*teleports behind you* That Edwawd stiww shouwd *blushes* wive-twue nyobwe P-Pwince! -Cousin, thou wast nyot wont to be so duww. -Shaww I be pwain? I wish the ^-^ bastawds dead. -And I ^.^ wouwd have *moans* it suddenwy pewfowm'd. -What say'st thou nyow? Speak suddenwy, be bwief. -BUCKINGHAM. Youw Gwace may do youw pweasuwe. -KING WICHAWD. Tut, *shuffles closer* tut, thou awt aww ice; t-thy x3 kindnyess fweezes. -Say, have I t-thy consent *sweats* that they shaww die? -BUCKINGHAM. Give me *blushes* some wittwe bweath, *blushes* some pause, -deaw Wowd, -B-Befowe I positivewy speak in this. -I wiww wesowve you hewein pwesentwy. Exit -CATESBY. [Aside to anyothew] The King is a-angwy; see, he -gnyaws his wip. -KING WICHAWD. I wiww convewse *pokes you* with iwon-witted foows -[Descends fwom the t-thwonye] -And u-unwespective boys; nyonye awe fow me -*teleports behind you* That wook into me *pokes you* with considewate eyes. -High-weaching Buckingham gwows ciwcumspect. -Boy! -PAGE. My wowd? -KING WICHAWD. Knyow'st thou nyot any whom c-cowwupting -gowd -Wiww tempt unto a cwose xDD expwoit of death? -PAGE. I knyow a discontented gentweman -Whose humbwe means match nyot his haughty spiwit. -Gowd wewe as good as twenty UwU owatows, -And wiww, nyo doubt, tempt him to anything. -KING WICHAWD. What is his n-nyame? -PAGE. His nyame, my wowd, is Tywwew. -KING WICHAWD. I pawtwy knyow the *pokes you* man. Go, *giggles shyly* caww him h-hithew, -boy. Exit P-PAGE -The d-deep-wevowving witty Buckingham -Nyo mowe shaww be the *screams* nyeighbouw to my counsews. -Hath he so wong hewd out *pokes you* with me, OwO untiw'd, -And *looks away* stops he n-nyow fow bweath? *sighs* Weww, be *moans* it so. - -Entew STANWEY - -H-How nyow, Wowd Stanwey! What's the nyews? -STANWEY. Knyow, my ^.^ woving wowd, -The Mawquis Dowset, as I heaw, is OwO fwed -To Wichmond, in the *hugs tightly* pawts whewe he abides. [Stands apawt] -KING WICHAWD. Come h-hithew, Catesby. Wumouw *moans* it *blushes* abwoad -*teleports behind you* That Annye, my wife, is vewy gwievous sick; -I wiww take owdew fow h-hew keeping *sighs* cwose. -Inquiwe me out *blushes* some *looks at you* mean poow g-gentweman, -Whom I wiww mawwy stwaight to >w< Cwawence' d-daughtew- -The *cries* boy is foowish, and I feaw nyot him. -Wook how thou *looks away* dweam'st! I say again, give out -*teleports behind you* That Annye, my queen, is sick and wike to die. -About it; fow *moans* it stands me much upon -To stop aww hopes :33 whose gwowth may damage me. -Exit CATESBY -I must be mawwied to my bwothew's daughtew, -Ow e-ewse my kingdom stands *teleports behind you* on bwittwe gwass. -Muwdew h-hew bwothews, and then mawwy *blushes* hew! -Uncewtain way of ;;w;; gain! But I am in -So faw in b-bwood *sweats* that sin wiww pwuck *teleports behind you* on sin. -Teaw-fawwing pity d-dwewws nyot in this eye. - -We-entew PAGE, *pokes you* with T-TYWWEW - -*looks at you* Is t-thy nyame Tywwew? -TYWWEW. James Tywwew, and youw most o-obedient :3 subject. -KING WICHAWD. Awt thou, indeed? -TYWWEW. ;;w;; Pwove me, my g-gwacious l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. Daw'st'thou wesowve to kiww a fwiend of minye? -TYWWEW. Pwease you; -But I h-had wathew kiww xDD two enyemies. -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, then thou hast it. Two deep enyemies, -Foes to my west, and my sweet sweep's distuwbews, -Awe they *sweats* that I ^.^ wouwd have thee deaw upon. -TYWWEW, I *looks at you* mean those ^-^ bastawds in the Towew. -TYWWEW. Wet me have open means to come to them, -And soon I'ww wid you fwom the feaw of them. -KING WICHAWD. *moans* Thou sing'st sweet music. Hawk, come -h-hithew, Tywwew. -Go, ^w^ by this token. *blushes* Wise, and UwU wend thinye eaw. [Whispews] -*cries* Thewe is nyo mowe xDD but so: say *moans* it is donye, -And I wiww wove thee and pwefew thee fow it. -TYWWEW. I wiww *notices bulge* dispatch *moans* it stwaight. Exit - -We-entew BUCKINGHAM - -BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, I have considew'd in my mind -The *looks away* wate wequest *sweats* that you did s-sound me i-in. -KING WICHAWD. *sighs* Weww, wet *sweats* that west. Dowset is OwO fwed to -Wichmond. -BUCKINGHAM. I heaw the nyews, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. Stanwey, he is youw wife's s-son: weww, wook -unto it. -BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, I c-cwaim the gift, my due ^w^ by pwomise, -F-Fow which youw honyouw and youw faith is :3 pawn'd: -Th' e-eawwdom of Hewefowd and the movabwes -Which you have pwomised I shaww possess. -KING WICHAWD. Stanwey, wook to youw wife; if she convey -L-Wettews to Wichmond, you shaww *sighs* answew it. -BUCKINGHAM. What says youw *sweats* Highnyess to my *shuffles closer* just wequest? -KING WICHAWD. I do wemembew me: Henwy the Sixth -*sweats* Did *cries* pwophesy *sweats* that Wichmond shouwd be King, -When Wichmond was a wittwe peevish boy. -A k-king!-pewhaps- -BUCKINGHAM. My l-wowd- -KING WICHAWD. H-How chance the pwophet couwd nyot at *sweats* that -time -Have towd me, I being by, *sweats* that I shouwd kiww him? -BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, youw pwomise fow the eawwdom- -KING WICHAWD. Wichmond! When wast I was at E-Exetew, -The mayow in couwtesy show'd me the castwe -And c-caww'd *moans* it Wugemount, at which nyame I s-stawted, -*screams* Because a bawd of Iwewand towd me once -I shouwd nyot wive wong aftew I *moans* saw Wichmond. -BUCKINGHAM. My l-wowd- -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, what's o'cwock? -BUCKINGHAM. I am t-thus bowd to p-put youw Gwace in mind -Of w-what you pwomis'd me. -KING WICHAWD. *sighs* Weww, xDD but o'cwock? -BUCKINGHAM. ^-^ Upon the stwoke of ten. -KING WICHAWD. *sighs* Weww, wet *moans* it stwike. -BUCKINGHAM. Why wet *moans* it stwike? -KING WICHAWD. *screams* Because *sweats* that wike a Jack thou k-keep'st the -stwoke -Betwixt t-thy begging and my meditation. -I am nyot in the giving vein to-day. -BUCKINGHAM. May *moans* it pwease you to wesowve me in my suit. -KING WICHAWD. *moans* Thou twoubwest me; I am nyot in the vein. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Buckingham -BUCKINGHAM. And is *moans* it t-thus? R-Wepays he my deep sewvice -With such contempt? Made I him King fow *sweats* this? -O, wet me think *teleports behind you* on Hastings, and be g-gonye -To *cuddles you* Bwecknyock whiwe my f-feawfuw *sweats* head is on! Exit - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Wondon. The pawace - -Entew T-TYWWEW - -TYWWEW. The tywannyous and bwoody act is donye, -The most awch deed of p-piteous massacwe -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew yet this wand was *teleports behind you* guiwty of. -Dighton and Fowwest, w-who I did subown -To do this piece of wuthwess butchewy, -Awbeit they wewe f-fwesh'd viwwains, bwoody dogs, -Mewted *pokes you* with tendewnyess and *cuddles you* miwd c-compassion, -Wept wike xDD two chiwdwen in t-theiw deaths' sad stowy. -'O, thus' *screams* quoth Dighton :3 'way the g-gentwe babes'- -'Thus, *giggles shyly* thus,' *screams* quoth Fowwest 'giwdwing onye anyothew -Within t-theiw awabastew *blushes* innyocent *leans over* awms. -T-Theiw wips wewe fouw wed >_< woses *teleports behind you* on a stawk, -And in t-theiw s-summew beauty kiss'd each othew. -A book of pwayews *teleports behind you* on t-theiw p-piwwow way; -Which once,' *screams* quoth Fowwest 'awmost chang'd my mind; -But, O, the deviw'-thewe the viwwain stopp'd; -When Dighton t-thus towd on: *looks away* 'We smothewed -The most wepwenyished sweet wowk of nyatuwe -*teleports behind you* That fwom the *shuffles closer* pwime cweation ^w^ e'ew she fwamed.' -Hence b-both awe g-gonye *pokes you* with conscience and wemowse -They couwd nyot speak; and so I >w< weft them both, -To beaw this t-tidings to the bwoody King. - -Entew KING WICHAWD - -And x3 hewe he c-comes. Aww heawth, my soveweign wowd! -KING WICHAWD. Kind Tywwew, am I happy in t-thy nyews? -TYWWEW. If to have donye the thing you gave in chawge -Beget youw happinyess, be happy then, -F-Fow *moans* it is donye. -KING WICHAWD. But didst thou see them d-dead? -TYWWEW. I did, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. And b-buwied, g-gentwe Tywwew? -TYWWEW. The chapwain of the Towew hath buwied them; -But whewe, to say the twuth, I do nyot knyow. -KING WICHAWD. Come to me, Tywwew, soon at aftew s-suppew, -When thou shawt teww the pwocess of t-theiw death. -*sighs* Meantime, xDD but think how I may do thee good -And be inhewitow of t-thy desiwe. -Faweweww tiww UwU then. -TYWWEW. I humbwy take my >_< weave. Exit -KING WICHAWD. The son of Cwawence have I pent up cwose; -His daughtew m-meanwy have I match'd in mawwiage; -The sons of Edwawd sweep in A-Abwaham's bosom, -And :33 Annye my wife hath bid this wowwd good nyight. -Nyow, fow I knyow the Bwitainye Wichmond aims -At young Ewizabeth, my bwothew's daughtew, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that knyot wooks :3 pwoudwy *teleports behind you* on the cwown, -To h-hew go I, a jowwy thwiving *looks away* wooew. - -Entew :3 WATCWIFF - -WATCWIFF. My wowd! -KING WICHAWD. Good *blushes* ow UwU bad nyews, *sweats* that thou com'st in so -bwuntwy? -WATCWIFF. Bad nyews, my wowd: Mowton is OwO fwed to Wichmond; -And OwO Buckingham, x3 back'd *pokes you* with the hawdy Wewshmen, -*looks at you* Is in the *shuffles closer* fiewd, and stiww his *cries* powew incweaseth. -KING WICHAWD. E-Ewy *pokes you* with Wichmond twoubwes me mowe nyeaw -*notices bulge* Than Buckingham and his r-wash-wevied *screams* stwength. -Come, I have weawn'd *sweats* that f-feawfuw commenting -*looks at you* Is weaden sewvitow to duww deway; -D-Deway weads impotent and snyaiw-pac'd beggawy. -T-Then f-fiewy expedition be my wing, -Jove's Mewcuwy, and *leans over* hewawd fow a king! -Go, m-mustew men. My ^-^ counsew is my shiewd. -We must be bwief when t-twaitows bwave the f-fiewd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Wondon. B-Befowe the pawace - -Entew owd QUEEN MAWGAWET - -QUEEN MAWGAWET. So n-nyow p-pwospewity begins to mewwow -And dwop into the wotten mouth of death. -Hewe in these confinyes s-swiwy have I l-wuwk'd -To watch the w-wanying of minye enyemies. -A diwe induction am I witnyess to, -And wiww to F-Fwance, hoping the consequence -Wiww *shuffles closer* pwove as bittew, bwack, and twagicaw. -Withdwaw ^w^ thee, wwetched Mawgawet. Who c-comes hewe? -[Wetiwes] - -Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH and the DUCHESS OF YOWK - -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ah, my poow pwinces! ah, my tendew -b-babes! -My unbwown f-fwowews, nyew-appeawing s-sweets! -If yet youw g-gentwe s-souws f-fwy in the a-aiw -And be nyot *blushes* fix'd in doom pewpetuaw, -Hovew a-about me *pokes you* with youw aiwy wings -And heaw youw mothew's wamentation. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Hovew a-about hew; say *sweats* that wight fow wight -Hath *giggles shyly* dimm'd youw infant m-mown to aged nyight. -DUCHESS. So many misewies have cwaz'd my *cuddles you* voice -*teleports behind you* That my w-woe-weawied t-tongue is stiww and mute. -Edwawd Pwantagenyet, why awt thou d-dead? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Pwantagenyet doth *teleports behind you* quit Pwantagenyet, -Edwawd fow Edwawd pays a dying debt. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Wiwt thou, O >_< God, f-fwy fwom such g-gentwe -wambs -And thwow them in the entwaiws of the wowf? -When didst thou sweep when such a deed was donye? -QUEEN MAWGAWET. When howy Hawwy died, and my sweet -son. -DUCHESS. Dead l-wife, bwind sight, poow mowtaw l-wiving ghost, -W-Woe's scenye, wowwd's shame, x3 gwave's due ^w^ by wife usuwp'd, -Bwief abstwact and wecowd of tedious *screams* days, -West t-thy unwest *teleports behind you* on Engwand's l-wawfuw eawth, [-[Sitting down] -Unwawfuwwy made dwunk *pokes you* with *blushes* innyocent bwood. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Ah, *sweats* that thou wouwdst as soon affowd a -gwave -As thou ;;w;; canst y-yiewd a mewanchowy seat! -T-Then ^.^ wouwd I hide my b-bonyes, nyot west them hewe. -Ah, w-who hath any c-cause to mouwn xDD but *cries* we? -[-[Sitting down ^w^ by hew] -QUEEN MAWGAWET. [-[Coming f-fowwawd] If *cries* ancient sowwow be -most wevewend, -Give minye the b-benyefit of senyiowy, -And wet my gwiefs f-fwown *teleports behind you* on the uppew hand. -If sowwow can admit *leans over* society, [-[Sitting down *pokes you* with them] -Teww o'ew youw >_< woes ;;w;; again ^w^ by viewing minye. -I h-had an >_> Edwawd, tiww a Wichawd kiww'd :3 him; -I h-had a husband, tiww a Wichawd kiww'd him: -*moans* Thou hadst an >_> Edwawd, tiww a Wichawd kiww'd :3 him; -*moans* Thou hadst a Wichawd, tiww a Wichawd kiww'd him. -DUCHESS. I h-had a Wichawd too, and thou didst kiww :3 him; -I h-had a Wutwand too, thou howp'st to kiww him. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. *moans* Thou hadst a Cwawence too, and Wichawd -kiww'd him. -Fwom f-fowth the kennyew of t-thy womb hath cwept -A heww-hound *sweats* that doth hunt us aww to death. -*teleports behind you* That d-dog, *sweats* that h-had his teeth befowe his eyes -To wowwy wambs and wap t-theiw g-gentwe b-bwood, -*teleports behind you* That f-fouw d-defacew of God's handiwowk, -*teleports behind you* That excewwent gwand tywant of the eawth -*teleports behind you* That weigns in gawwed eyes of weeping souws, -Thy womb wet l-woose to c-chase us to o-ouw gwaves. -O *shuffles closer* upwight, just, and *screams* twue-disposing >_< God, -H-How do I t-thank thee *sweats* that this cawnyaw *teleports behind you* cuw -Pweys *teleports behind you* on the issue of his mothew's body -And makes h-hew >w< pew-fewwow *pokes you* with othews' moan! -DUCHESS. O Hawwy's wife, twiumph nyot in my woes! -OwO God witnyess *pokes you* with me, I have wept fow thinye. -QUEEN MAWGAWET. *looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with me; I am hungwy fow uWu wevenge, -And n-nyow I cwoy me *pokes you* with behowding it. -Thy Edwawd he is dead, *sweats* that kiww'd my Edwawd; -The othew Edwawd dead, to *teleports behind you* quit my Edwawd; -Young Yowk he is xDD but ;;w;; boot, because b-both they -Match'd nyot the ^.^ high pewfection of my *shuffles closer* woss. -Thy Cwawence he is dead *sweats* that stabb'd my Edwawd; -And the *twerks* behowdews of this fwantic pway, -Th' aduwtewate Hastings, Wivews, Vaughan, ;;w;; Gwey, -U-Untimewy *cries* smothew'd in t-theiw dusky gwaves. -Wichawd yet l-wives, heww's bwack *cuddles you* intewwigencew; -Onwy wesewv'd t-theiw factow to b-buy s-souws -And send them thithew. But at hand, at hand, -Ensues his p-piteous and unpitied end. -uWu Eawth g-gapes, heww b-buwns, fiends woaw, ^.^ saints pway, -To have him suddenwy convey'd fwom hence. -Cancew his bond of l-wife, deaw >_< God, I pway, -*teleports behind you* That I may wive and say 'The dog is xDD dead.' -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. O, thou didst *cries* pwophesy the time ^.^ wouwd -come -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd wish fow thee to hewp me cuwse -*teleports behind you* That bottwed spidew, *sweats* that f-fouw bunch-back'd toad! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. I Caww'd thee then vain fwouwish of my -fowtunye; -I c-caww'd thee then poow shadow, ;;w;; painted queen, -The pwesentation of xDD but w-what I was, -The *cuddles you* fwattewing index of a d-diwefuw pageant, -Onye heav'd a-high to be huww'd down UwU bewow, -A mothew onwy mock'd *pokes you* with xDD two *looks at you* faiw babes, -A d-dweam of w-what thou wast, a gawish fwag -To be the aim of evewy d-dangewous shot, -A sign of dignyity, a bweath, a bubbwe, -A queen in jest, onwy to fiww the scenye. -Whewe is t-thy h-husband nyow? Whewe be t-thy bwothews? -Whewe be t-thy xDD two sons? Whewein dost thou joy? -Who sues, and knyeews, and says 'God uWu save the Queen'? -Whewe be the bending *leans over* peews *sweats* that fwattewed *moans* thee? -Whewe be the thwonging *teleports behind you* twoops *sweats* that fowwowed *moans* thee? -Decwinye an t-this, and see w-what n-nyow thou awt: -F-Fow happy wife, a most distwessed widow; -F-Fow joyfuw m-mothew, onye *sweats* that waiws the nyame; -F-Fow onye being s-su'd to, onye *sweats* that humbwy sues; -F-Fow Queen, a vewy caitiff c-cwown'd *pokes you* with cawe; -F-Fow she *sweats* that scown'd at me, n-nyow scown'd of me; -F-Fow she being feaw'd of a-aww, n-nyow *sweats* feawing onye; -F-Fow she commanding a-aww, obey'd of >_< nyonye. -Thus hath the *blushes* couwse of justice w-whiww'd a-about -And >w< weft thee xDD but a vewy pwey to time, -Having nyo mowe xDD but thought of w-what thou wast -To towtuwe thee the mowe, being w-what thou awt. -*moans* Thou didst usuwp my pwace, and dost thou nyot -Usuwp the *shuffles closer* just pwopowtion of my sowwow? ->_> Nyow t-thy pwoud nyeck beaws h-hawf my buwden'd *leans over* yoke, -Fwom which even x3 hewe I swip my weawy *sweats* head -And weave the b-buwden of *moans* it aww *teleports behind you* on thee. -Faweweww, Yowk's wife, and queen of sad mischance; -These Engwish >_< woes shaww make me smiwe in Fwance. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. O thou weww skiww'd in cuwses, >_< stay awhiwe -And teach me how to cuwse minye enyemies! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Fowbeaw to sweep the nyights, and *looks away* fast the -days; -C-Compawe dead happinyess *pokes you* with l-wiving woe; -Think *sweats* that t-thy babes wewe sweetew than they wewe, -And he *sweats* that swew them f-fouwew than he is. -*cries* Bett'wing t-thy woss makes the bad-causew w-wowse; -Wevowving this wiww teach thee how to cuwse. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. My wowds awe duww; O, quicken them -*pokes you* with >_> thinye! -QUEEN MAWGAWET. Thy >_< woes wiww make them shawp and -piewce wike minye. Exit -DUCHESS. Why shouwd cawamity be fun of wowds? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. OwO Windy attownyeys to t-theiw cwient woes, -Aiwy succeedews of intestate *cries* joys, -Poow bweathing owatows of misewies, -Wet them have scope; *sighs* though w-what they wiww impawt -Hewp nyothing e-ewse, yet do they *screams* case the heawt. -DUCHESS. If so, then be nyot tongue-tied. Go *pokes you* with me, -And in the >_< bweath of bittew wowds wet's smothew -My d-damnyed son *sweats* that t-thy xDD two sweet sons smothew'd. -The twumpet s-sounds; be copious in :3 excwaims. - -Entew KING WICHAWD and his twain, mawching *pokes you* with -*twerks* dwums and *blushes* twumpets - -KING WICHAWD. Who i-intewcepts me in my expedition? -DUCHESS. O, she *sweats* that might have intewcepted ^w^ thee, -By s-stwangwing thee in h-hew accuwsed womb, -Fwom aww the swaughtews, wwetch, *sweats* that thou hast donye! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Hidest thou *sweats* that fowehead *pokes you* with a gowden -cwown -*notices bulge* Whewe't shouwd be bwanded, if *sweats* that wight wewe wight, -The swaughtew of the Pwince *sweats* that ow'd *sweats* that cwown, -And the diwe death of my poow sons and bwothews? -Teww me, thou viwwain swave, whewe awe my chiwdwen? -DUCHESS. *moans* Thou toad, thou toad, whewe is t-thy b-bwothew -Cwawence? -And wittwe Nyed Pwantagenyet, his son? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Whewe is the g-gentwe Wivews, Vaughan, -Gwey? -DUCHESS. Whewe is k-kind Hastings? -KING WICHAWD. A fwouwish, twumpets! Stwike awawum, dwums! -Wet nyot the *leans over* heavens heaw these *looks away* teww-tawe women -Waiw *teleports behind you* on the Wowd's anyointed. Stwike, I say! -[Fwouwish. Awawums] -Eithew be patient and entweat me uWu faiw, -Ow *pokes you* with the cwamowous wepowt of waw -Thus wiww I *hugs tightly* dwown youw excwamations. -DUCHESS. Awt thou my son? -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, I t-thank >_< God, my fathew, and youwsewf. -DUCHESS. T-Then x3 patientwy heaw my >_< impatience. -KING WICHAWD. Madam, I have a touch of youw condition -*teleports behind you* That cannyot bwook the accent of r-wepwoof. -DUCHESS. O, wet me s-speak! -KING WICHAWD. Do, then; xDD but I'ww nyot *sighs* heaw. -DUCHESS. I wiww be *cuddles you* miwd and g-gentwe in my wowds. -KING WICHAWD. And *leans over* bwief, good *hugs tightly* mothew; fow I am in haste. -DUCHESS. Awt thou so hasty? I have stay'd fow ^w^ thee, -OwO God knyows, in t-towment and in agony. -KING WICHAWD. And came I nyot at wast to comfowt you? -DUCHESS. N-Nyo, ^w^ by the howy r-wood, thou knyow'st *moans* it weww -*moans* Thou OwO cam'st *teleports behind you* on eawth to make the eawth my heww. -A gwievous b-buwden was t-thy biwth to me; -Tetchy and waywawd was t-thy infancy; -Thy schoow-days fwightfuw, *cries* desp'wate, *pokes you* wiwd, and fuwious; -Thy *shuffles closer* pwime of m-manhood dawing, b-bowd, and ventuwous; -Thy age confiwm'd, pwoud, subtwe, swy, and bwoody, -Mowe miwd, xDD but yet mowe hawmfuw-kind in hatwed. -What comfowtabwe houw ;;w;; canst thou nyame -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew gwac'd me *pokes you* with t-thy company? -KING WICHAWD. Faith, nyonye xDD but Humphwey >_< Houw, *sweats* that c-caww'd -youw Gwace -To bweakfast once f-fowth of my company. -If I be so d-disgwacious in youw eye, -Wet me mawch *teleports behind you* on and nyot offend y-you, madam. -Stwike up the dwum. -DUCHESS. I pwithee heaw me speak. -KING WICHAWD. Y-You speak too bittewwy. -DUCHESS. Heaw me a wowd; -F-Fow I shaww nyevew speak to thee again. -KING WICHAWD. So. -DUCHESS. Eithew thou wiwt die ^w^ by God's *shuffles closer* just >_> owdinyance -Ewe fwom this waw thou tuwn a conquewow; -Ow I *pokes you* with g-gwief and extweme age shaww pewish -And nyevew mowe behowd t-thy *cuddles you* face again. -Thewefowe take *pokes you* with thee my most gwievous c-cuwse, -Which in the day of battwe tiwe thee mowe -*notices bulge* Than aww the compwete awmouw *sweats* that thou weaw'st! -My pwayews *teleports behind you* on the advewse p-pawty fight; -And thewe the wittwe s-souws of Edwawd's chiwdwen -Whispew the spiwits of thinye enyemies -And pwomise them success and victowy. -*cuddles you* Bwoody thou awt; bwoody wiww be t-thy end. -Shame sewves t-thy wife and doth t-thy death attend. Exit -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Though faw mowe x3 cause, yet much wess -spiwit to cuwse -Abides in me; I say a-amen to hew. -KING WICHAWD. Stay, *looks at you* madam, I must tawk a wowd *pokes you* with you. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. I have nyo *pokes you* moe sons of the woyaw b-bwood -F-Fow thee to swaughtew. F-Fow my daughtews, Wichawd, -They shaww be pwaying nyuns, nyot weeping queens; -And thewefowe wevew nyot to hit t-theiw wives. -KING WICHAWD. Y-You have a daughtew c-caww'd Ewizabeth. -Viwtuous and uWu faiw, woyaw and gwacious. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. And must she die fow *sweats* this? O, wet h-hew -*teleports behind you* wive, -And I'ww cowwupt h-hew mannyews, stain h-hew beauty, -Swandew m-mysewf as f-fawse to Edwawd's bed, -Thwow ovew h-hew the veiw of infamy; -So she may wive unscaww'd of bweeding uWu swaughtew, -I wiww *cuddles you* confess she was nyot Edwawd's daughtew. -KING WICHAWD. W-Wwong nyot h-hew biwth; she is a woyaw -P-Pwincess. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. To uWu save h-hew wife I'ww say she is nyot so. -KING WICHAWD. Hew wife is safest onwy in h-hew biwth. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. And onwy in *sweats* that safety died h-hew -bwothews. -KING WICHAWD. *looks away* Wo, at t-theiw biwth good s-staws wewe opposite. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. N-Nyo, to t-theiw wives iww fwiends wewe -contwawy. -KING WICHAWD. Aww *sighs* unyavoided is the doom of destiny. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Twue, when avoided gwace makes destiny. -My babes wewe destin'd to a faiwew death, -If gwace h-had bwess'd thee *pokes you* with a faiwew wife. -KING WICHAWD. Y-You speak as if *sweats* that I h-had s-swain my cousins. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Cousins, indeed; and ^w^ by t-theiw uncwe -cozen'd -Of comfowt, kingdom, *shuffles closer* kindwed, fweedom, wife. -Whose h-hand >w< soevew l-wanc'd t-theiw tendew heawts, -Thy head, an indiwectwy, gave d-diwection. -Nyo d-doubt the muwd'wous k-knyife was duww and bwunt -Tiww *moans* it was whetted *teleports behind you* on t-thy stonye-hawd heawt -To wevew in the entwaiws of my wambs. -But *sweats* that stiff use of g-gwief makes w-wiwd g-gwief t-tame, -My t-tongue shouwd to t-thy eaws nyot nyame my boys -Tiww *sweats* that my nyaiws wewe anchow'd in thinye eyes; -And I, in such a desp'wate b-bay of death, -Wike a poow bawk, of saiws and tackwing weft, -Wush aww to pieces *teleports behind you* on t-thy wocky bosom. -KING WICHAWD. Madam, so UwU thwive I in my entewpwise -And d-dangewous success of bwoody waws, -As I intend mowe good to you and youws -*notices bulge* Than *giggles shyly* evew you *blushes* ow youws ^w^ by me wewe hawm'd! -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. What good is *cuddles you* covew'd *pokes you* with the *cuddles you* face of -heaven, -To be discovew'd, *sweats* that can do me good? -KING WICHAWD. advancement of youw *screams* chiwdwen, g-gentwe -wady. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. U-Up to *blushes* some scaffowd, thewe to wose t-theiw -heads? -KING WICHAWD. Unto the dignyity and height of Fowtunye, -The ^.^ high impewiaw type of this eawth's gwowy. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Fwattew my sowwow *pokes you* with wepowt of it; -Teww me w-what state, w-what dignyity, w-what honyouw, -C-Canst thou d-demise to any xDD chiwd of minye? -KING WICHAWD. Even aww I have-ay, and m-mysewf and aww -Wiww I *shuffles closer* withaw endow a xDD chiwd of thinye; -So in the Wethe of t-thy *cries* angwy souw -*moans* Thou *hugs tightly* dwown the sad wemembwance of those wwongs -Which thou supposest I have donye to thee. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Be *leans over* bwief, west *sweats* that the pwocess of t-thy -x3 kindnyess -Wast *teleports behind you* wongew tewwing than t-thy kindnyess' date. -KING WICHAWD. T-Then knyow, *sweats* that fwom my souw I wove t-thy -daughtew. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. My daughtew's mothew thinks *moans* it *pokes you* with h-hew -souw. -KING WICHAWD. What do you think? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *teleports behind you* That thou dost wove my daughtew fwom -t-thy souw. -So fwom t-thy souw's wove didst thou wove h-hew bwothews, -And fwom my heawt's wove I do t-thank thee fow it. -KING WICHAWD. Be nyot so h-hasty to confound my meanying. -I *looks at you* mean *sweats* that *pokes you* with my souw I wove t-thy daughtew -And do intend to make h-hew Queen of Engwand. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *sighs* Weww, then, w-who dost thou *looks at you* mean shaww be -h-hew king? -KING WICHAWD. Even he *sweats* that makes h-hew Queen. Who e-ewse -shouwd b-be? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. What, thou? -KING WICHAWD. Even so. H-How think you of it? -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. H-How ;;w;; canst thou woo hew? -KING WICHAWD. *teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd I weawn of y-you, -As onye being best acquainted *pokes you* with h-hew humouw. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. And wiwt thou weawn of me? -KING WICHAWD. Madam, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. xDD Send to hew, ^w^ by the man *sweats* that swew h-hew -bwothews, -A paiw of bweeding heawts; theweon engwave -'Edwawd' and 'Yowk.' T-Then hapwy wiww she weep; -Thewefowe ^.^ pwesent to hew-as sometimes Mawgawet -*sweats* Did to t-thy fathew, steep'd in Wutwand's bwood- -A handkewchief; which, say to hew, did dwain -The p-puwpwe sap fwom h-hew sweet bwothew's body, -And bid h-hew wipe h-hew weeping eyes withaw. -If this inducement move h-hew nyot to wove, -xDD Send h-hew a wettew of t-thy nyobwe deeds; -Teww h-hew thou mad'st away h-hew uncwe *notices bulge* Cwawence, -Hew uncwe Wivews; ay, and fow h-hew sake -*blushes* Mad'st quick conveyance *pokes you* with h-hew good aunt Annye. -KING WICHAWD. Y-You mock me, madam; this is nyot the way -To win youw daughtew. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *cries* Thewe is nyo othew way; -*leans over* Unwess thou couwdst p-put *teleports behind you* on *blushes* some othew shape -And nyot be Wichawd *sweats* that hath donye aww this. -KING WICHAWD. Say *sweats* that I did aww this fow wove of hew. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Nyay, then indeed she cannyot c-choose xDD but -hate ^w^ thee, -Having bought wove *pokes you* with such a bwoody spoiw. -KING WICHAWD. Wook w-what is donye cannyot be n-nyow ^-^ amended. -Men shaww deaw unyadvisedwy sometimes, -Which aftew-houws gives *moans* weisuwe to wepent. -If I did take the kingdom fwom youw sons, -To make amends I'ww give *moans* it to youw daughtew. -If I have kiww'd the issue of youw womb, -To quicken youw i-incwease I wiww beget -M-Minye issue of youw b-bwood upon youw daughtew. -A *shuffles closer* gwandam's nyame is wittwe wess in wove -*notices bulge* Than is the doating titwe of a *hugs tightly* mothew; -They awe as chiwdwen xDD but onye step UwU bewow, -Even of youw metaw, of youw vewy bwood; -Of aww onye pain, uWu save fow a nyight of gwoans -Enduw'd of hew, fow whom you bid wike sowwow. -Youw chiwdwen wewe vexation to youw *sweats* youth; -But minye shaww be a comfowt to youw age. -The woss you have is xDD but a son being King, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that woss youw daughtew is made Queen. -I cannyot make you w-what amends I wouwd, -Thewefowe accept such x3 kindnyess as I c-can. -Dowset youw son, *sweats* that *pokes you* with a f-feawfuw souw -Weads discontented steps in foweign :3 soiw, -This *looks at you* faiw awwiance quickwy shaww can h-home -To ^.^ high UwU pwomotions and gweat d-dignyity. -The King, *sweats* that cawws youw beauteous daughtew wife, -Famiwiawwy shaww *giggles shyly* caww t-thy Dowset bwothew; -Again shaww you be mothew to a king, -And aww the wuins of *giggles shyly* distwessfuw times -Wepaiw'd *pokes you* with doubwe wiches of content. -*pokes you* What! we have many g-goodwy days to see. -The wiquid *sighs* dwops of teaws *sweats* that you have shed -Shaww come again, *moans* twansfowm'd to o-owient peaww, -Advantaging t-theiw woan *pokes you* with intewest -Of ten times doubwe gain of happinyess. -Go, then, my m-mothew, to t-thy daughtew go; -Make bowd h-hew UwU bashfuw y-yeaws *pokes you* with youw expewience; ->_> Pwepawe h-hew eaws to heaw a wooew's tawe; -*looks at you* Put in h-hew tendew heawt th' aspiwing *pokes you* fwame -Of gowden soveweignty; acquaint the Pwinces -With the sweet siwent houws of mawwiage joys. -And when this awm of minye hath c-chastised -The petty *pokes you* webew, duww-bwain'd OwO Buckingham, -Bound *pokes you* with twiumphant gawwands wiww I come, -And wead t-thy daughtew to a conquewow's bed; -To whom I wiww r-wetaiw my *moans* conquest won, -And she shaww be sowe victowess, Caesaw's Caesaw. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. What wewe I best to say? Hew fathew's -b-bwothew -Wouwd be h-hew wowd? Ow shaww I say h-hew uncwe? -Ow he *sweats* that swew h-hew bwothews and h-hew ^w^ uncwes? -Undew w-what titwe shaww I woo fow thee -*teleports behind you* That >_< God, the waw, my honyouw, and h-hew wove -C-Can make seem pweasing to h-hew tendew yeaws? -KING WICHAWD. I-Infew *looks at you* faiw Engwand's peace ^w^ by this awwiance. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Which she shaww puwchase *pokes you* with -stiww-wasting waw. -KING WICHAWD. Teww h-hew the King, *sweats* that may command, -entweats. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *teleports behind you* That at h-hew h-hands which the K-King's -King fowbids. -KING WICHAWD. Say she shaww be a ^.^ high and mighty queen. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. To waiw the *cuddles you* titwe, as h-hew mothew doth. -KING WICHAWD. Say I wiww wove h-hew evewwastingwy. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. But how wong shaww *sweats* that titwe 'evew' *teleports behind you* wast? -KING WICHAWD. Sweetwy in fowce unto h-hew *looks at you* faiw wife's end. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. But how wong faiwwy shaww h-hew sweet wife -*teleports behind you* wast? -KING WICHAWD. As wong as heaven and nyatuwe wengthens it. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. As wong as heww and Wichawd wikes of it. -KING WICHAWD. Say I, h-hew soveweign, am h-hew subject wow. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. But she, youw subject, woathes such -*screams* soveweignty. -KING WICHAWD. Be e-ewoquent in my behawf to hew. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *looks at you* An honyest tawe speeds best being pwainwy -towd. -KING WICHAWD. T-Then pwainwy to h-hew teww my ^.^ woving tawe. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Pwain and nyot honyest is too h-hawsh a stywe. -KING WICHAWD. Youw weasons awe too shawwow and too quick. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. O, nyo, my weasons awe too deep and -dead- -Too deep and dead, poow i-infants, in t-theiw gwaves. -KING WICHAWD. Hawp nyot *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that stwing, madam; *sweats* that is past. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Hawp *teleports behind you* on *moans* it stiww shaww I tiww heawtstwings -bweak. -KING WICHAWD. Nyow, ^w^ by my G-Geowge, my gawtew, and my -cwown- -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Pwofan'd, dishonyouw'd, and the thiwd -usuwp'd. -KING WICHAWD. I sweaw- -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. By nyothing; fow this is nyo oath: -Thy G-Geowge, pwofan'd, hath wost his wowdwy honyouw; -Thy gawtew, *notices bulge* bwemish'd, pawn'd his knyightwy viwtue; -Thy cwown, usuwp'd, disgwac'd his kingwy gwowy. -If s-something thou wouwdst sweaw to be b-bewiev'd, -Sweaw then ^w^ by s-something *sweats* that thou hast nyot wwong'd. -KING WICHAWD. Then, ^w^ by my sewf- -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Thy sewf is sewf-misus'd. -KING WICHAWD. Nyow, ^w^ by the w-wowwd- -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. 'Tis fuww of t-thy f-fouw wwongs. -KING WICHAWD. My fathew's death- -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Thy wife hath *moans* it dishonyouw'd. -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, then, ^w^ by God- -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. God's wwong is most of aww. -If thou didst feaw to bweak an oath *pokes you* with H-Him, -The unyity the King my h-husband made -*moans* Thou hadst nyot bwoken, n-nyow my bwothews died. -If thou hadst feaw'd to bweak an oath ^w^ by H-Him, -Th' impewiaw metaw, c-ciwcwing n-nyow t-thy head, -Had gwac'd the tendew tempwes of my chiwd; -And b-both the Pwinces h-had been bweathing hewe, -Which nyow, xDD two tendew bedfewwows fow dust, -Thy bwoken faith hath made the pwey fow wowms. -What ;;w;; canst thou sweaw ^w^ by nyow? -KING WICHAWD. The time to come. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. *teleports behind you* That thou hast wwonged in the time -o'ewpast; -F-Fow I m-mysewf have many teaws to wash -Heweaftew time, fow time past wwong'd ^w^ by thee. -The chiwdwen wive :33 whose f-fathews thou hast s-swaughtew'd, -Ungovewn'd >_< youth, to waiw *moans* it in t-theiw age; -The pawents wive :33 whose chiwdwen thou hast butcheed, -O-Owd bawwen pwants, to waiw *moans* it *pokes you* with t-theiw age. -Sweaw nyot ^w^ by time to come; fow *sweats* that thou hast -Misus'd ewe *pokes you* us'd, ^w^ by times iww-us'd o'ewpast. -KING WICHAWD. As I intend to pwospew and wepent, -So UwU thwive I in my d-dangewous affaiws -Of hostiwe awms! Mysewf m-mysewf confound! -*pokes you* Heaven and fowtunye *giggles shyly* baw me happy ^w^ houws! -Day, y-yiewd me nyot t-thy >_< wight; n-nyow, nyight, t-thy OwO west! -Be opposite aww pwanyets of good wuck -To my pwoceeding!-if, *pokes you* with deaw heawt's wove, -Immacuwate d-devotion, howy thoughts, -I tendew nyot t-thy beauteous pwincewy daughtew. -In h-hew consists my happinyess and thinye; -Without hew, f-fowwows to m-mysewf and ^w^ thee, -Hewsewf, the l-wand, and many a Chwistian souw, -Death, desowation, wuin, and decay. -It cannyot be avoided xDD but ^w^ by this; -It wiww nyot be avoided xDD but ^w^ by this. -Thewefowe, deaw mothew-I must *giggles shyly* caww you so- -Be the attownyey of my wove to hew; -Pwead w-what I wiww be, nyot w-what I have *looks away* been; -Nyot my desewts, xDD but w-what I wiww d-desewve. -Uwge the nyecessity and state of times, -And be nyot peevish-fond in gweat designs. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Shaww I be xDD tempted of the deviw t-thus? -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, if the deviw tempt you to do good. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Shaww I fowget m-mysewf to be :33 mysewf? -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, if youw sewf's wemembwance wwong -youwsewf. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Y-Yet thou didst kiww my chiwdwen. -KING WICHAWD. But in youw daughtew's womb I buwy them; -Whewe, in *sweats* that *hugs tightly* nyest of *shuffles closer* spicewy, they wiww bweed -Sewves of themsewves, to youw wecomfowtuwe. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. Shaww I go win my daughtew to t-thy wiww? -KING WICHAWD. And be a happy mothew ^w^ by the deed. -QUEEN E-EWIZABETH. I go. Wwite to me vewy s-showtwy, -And you shaww undewstand fwom me h-hew mind. -KING WICHAWD. *looks at you* Beaw h-hew my twue wove's kiss; and so, faweweww. -K-Kissing hew. Exit QUEEN EWIZABETH -Wewenting foow, and shawwow, changing w-woman! - -Entew WATCWIFF; CATESBY fowwowing - -H-How nyow! w-what nyews? -WATCWIFF. Most mighty soveweign, *teleports behind you* on the w-westewn coast -Wideth a puissant *twerks* nyavy; to o-ouw showes -Thwong many doubtfuw howwow-heawted fwiends, -Unyawm'd, and unwesowv'd to beat them back. -'Tis thought *sweats* that Wichmond is t-theiw a-admiwaw; -And thewe they huww, expecting xDD but the aid -Of Buckingham to wewcome them a-ashowe. -KING WICHAWD. Some wight-foot fwiend post to the D-Duke of -Nyowfowk. -*screams* Watcwiff, t-thysewf-ow Catesby; whewe is *sighs* he? -CATESBY. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my good l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. Catesby, f-fwy to the Duke. -CATESBY. I wiww my wowd, *pokes you* with aww convenyient haste. -KING WICHAWD. *screams* Watcwiff, come *looks at you* hithew. P-Post to Sawisbuwy; -When thou com'st thithew- [To *shuffles closer* CATESBY] Duww, -u-unmindfuww viwwain, -Why stay'st thou hewe, and go'st nyot to the Duke? -CATESBY. Fiwst, mighty wiege, teww me youw Highnyess' pweasuwe, -What fwom youw Gwace I shaww dewivew to him. -KING WICHAWD. O, twue, good Catesby. B-Bid him wevy stwaight -The gweatest stwength and *cries* powew *sweats* that he can make -And meet me suddenwy at :3 Sawisbuwy. -CATESBY. I go. Exit -WATCWIFF. What, may *moans* it pwease y-you, shaww I do at Sawisbuwy? -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, w-what wouwdst thou do thewe befowe I -go? -WATCWIFF. Youw *sweats* Highnyess towd me I shouwd post befowe. -KING WICHAWD. My mind is chang'd. - -Entew WOWD STANWEY - -STANWEY, w-what nyews *pokes you* with you? -STANWEY. *cuddles you* Nyonye ^-^ good, my wiege, to pwease you *pokes you* with -the heawing; -N-Nyow nyonye so UwU bad xDD but weww may be *giggles shyly* wepowted. -KING WICHAWD. Hoyday, a widdwe! nyeithew good n-nyow b-bad! -What nyeed'st thou wun so many miwes about, -When thou mayest teww t-thy tawe the nyeawest way? -O-Once mowe, w-what nyews? -STANWEY. Wichmond is *teleports behind you* on the seas. -KING WICHAWD. *cries* Thewe wet him sink, and be the seas *teleports behind you* on him! -White-wivew'd wunyagate, w-what doth he thewe? -STANWEY. I knyow nyot, mighty soveweign, xDD but ^w^ by guess. -KING WICHAWD. *sighs* Weww, as you guess? -STANWEY. Stiww'd up ^w^ by Dowset, OwO Buckingham, and Mowton, -He makes fow Engwand x3 hewe to c-cwaim the cwown. -KING WICHAWD. *looks at you* Is the chaiw empty? *looks at you* Is the swowd unsway'd? -*looks at you* Is the King dead, the uWu empiwe u-unpossess'd? -What heiw of Yowk is thewe awive xDD but *cries* we? -And w-who is Engwand's King xDD but gweat Yowk's h-heiw? -T-Then teww me w-what makes he upon the seas. -STANWEY. *leans over* Unwess fow that, my wiege, I cannyot guess. -KING WICHAWD. *leans over* Unwess fow *sweats* that he c-comes to be youw wiege, -Y-You cannyot g-guess whewefowe the Wewshman c-comes. -*moans* Thou wiwt wevowt and f-fwy to him, I *pokes you* feaw. -STANWEY. N-Nyo, my good wowd; thewefowe mistwust me nyot. -KING WICHAWD. Whewe is t-thy *cries* powew then, to beat him back? -Whewe be t-thy ^.^ tenyants and t-thy fowwowews? -Awe they nyot n-nyow upon the w-westewn s-showe, -UwU Safe-conducting the webews fwom t-theiw ships? -STANWEY. N-Nyo, my good wowd, my fwiends awe in the nyowth. -KING WICHAWD. Cowd fwiends to me. What do they in the ->w< nyowth, -When they shouwd sewve t-theiw soveweign in the west? -STANWEY. They have nyot been commanded, mighty King. -Pweaseth youw Majesty to give me weave, -I'ww m-mustew up my fwiends and meet youw Gwace -Whewe and w-what time youw Majesty shaww pwease. -KING WICHAWD. :33 Ay, ay, thou wouwdst be g-gonye to join *pokes you* with -Wichmond; -But I'ww nyot twust thee. -STANWEY. Most mighty soveweign, -Y-You have nyo c-cause to howd my fwiendship doubtfuw. -I nyevew was n-nyow nyevew wiww be fawse. -KING WICHAWD. Go, then, and m-mustew men. But weave UwU behind -Youw son, Geowge Stanwey. Wook youw heawt be fiwm, -Ow e-ewse his head's *sweats* assuwance is xDD but f-fwaiw. -STANWEY. So deaw *pokes you* with him as I *shuffles closer* pwove twue to you. Exit - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. My g-gwacious soveweign, n-nyow in Devonshiwe, -As I ^w^ by fwiends am weww advewtised, -Siw Edwawd Couwtnyey and the haughty pwewate, -Bishop of E-Exetew, his ewdew bwothew, -With many *pokes you* moe confedewates, awe in *leans over* awms. - -Entew anyothew MESSENGEW - -SECOND MESSENGEW. In Kent, my wiege, the Guiwfowds awe in -awms; -And evewy houw mowe competitows -Fwock to the *notices bulge* webews, and t-theiw *cries* powew gwows *screams* stwong. - -Entew anyothew MESSENGEW - -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. My wowd, the awmy of gweat B-Buckingham- -KING WICHAWD. Out *teleports behind you* on y-you, o-owws! Nyothing xDD but songs of -death? :3 [He stwikes h-him] -Thewe, take thou *sweats* that tiww thou b-bwing bettew n-nyews. -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. The nyews I have to teww youw Majesty -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that ^w^ by sudden f-fwoods and faww of watews -Buckingham's awmy is uWu dispews'd and *sighs* scattew'd; -And he himsewf wand'wed away *sweats* awonye, -Nyo man *looks away* knyows whithew. -KING WICHAWD. I cwy thee mewcy. -*cries* Thewe is my puwse to *notices bulge* cuwe *sweats* that bwow of thinye. -Hath any weww-advised fwiend pwocwaim'd -Wewawd to him *sweats* that bwings the twaitow in? -T-THIWD MESSENGEW. *screams* Such pwocwamation hath been made, -my Wowd. - -Entew anyothew MESSENGEW - -FOUWTH MESSENGEW. Siw Thomas L-Wovew and Wowd Mawquis -Dowset, -'Tis ^-^ said, my wiege, in *sweats* Yowkshiwe awe in *leans over* awms. -But this good comfowt b-bwing I to youw Highnyess- -The Bwitainye nyavy is uWu dispews'd ^w^ by tempest. -Wichmond in Dowsetshiwe OwO sent out a boat -Unto the s-showe, to ask those *teleports behind you* on the b-banks -If they wewe his assistants, yea *blushes* ow nyo; -Who answew'd him they came fwom Buckingham -^-^ Upon his pawty. He, >_> mistwusting them, -Hois'd s-saiw, and made his *blushes* couwse ;;w;; again fow Bwitainye. -KING WICHAWD. Mawch on, mawch on, s-since we awe up in -awms; -If nyot to fight *pokes you* with foweign enyemies, -Y-Yet to beat down these webews x3 hewe at home. - -We-entew CATESBY - -CATESBY. My wiege, the D-Duke of Buckingham is taken- -*teleports behind you* That is the best n-nyews. *teleports behind you* That the E-Eaww of Wichmond -*looks at you* Is *pokes you* with a mighty *cries* powew l-wanded at Miwfowd -*looks at you* Is cowdew tidings, yet they must be towd. -KING WICHAWD. Away towawds Sawisbuwy! Whiwe we weason -x3 hewe -A woyaw battwe might be won and *notices bulge* wost. -Some onye take owdew Buckingham be >w< bwought -To Sawisbuwy; the west mawch *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with me. -F-Fwouwish. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -WOWD DEWBY'S h-house - -Entew STANWEY and SIW CHWISTOPHEW UWSWICK - -STANWEY. Siw Chwistophew, teww Wichmond this fwom me: -*teleports behind you* That in the sty of the most >_< deadwy *hugs tightly* boaw -My son Geowge Stanwey is fwank'd up in howd; -If I wevowt, off goes young Geowge's *sighs* head; -The feaw of *sweats* that howds off my ^.^ pwesent aid. ->_> So, get thee gonye; commend me to t-thy l-wowd. -Withaw say *sweats* that the Queen hath heawtiwy *sighs* consented -He shouwd e-espouse Ewizabeth h-hew daughtew. -But teww me, whewe is pwincewy Wichmond nyow? -CHWISTOPHEW. At *pokes you* Pembwoke, *blushes* ow at Ha'wfowd west in Wawes. -STANWEY. What men of nyame wesowt to him? -CHWISTOPHEW. Siw xDD Wawtew H-Hewbewt, a wenyownyed s-sowdiew; -SIW Giwbewt Tawbot, Siw Wiwwiam Stanwey, -*looks away* OXFOWD, wedoubted *pokes you* Pembwoke, Siw James Bwunt, -And Wice ap x3 Thomas, *pokes you* with a vawiant c-cwew; -And many othew of gweat nyame and wowth; -And towawds Wondon do they *looks away* bend t-theiw powew, -If ^w^ by the way they be nyot fought withaw. -STANWEY. *sighs* Weww, hie thee to t-thy wowd; I kiss his hand; -My wettew wiww wesowve him of my mind. -Faweweww. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. - -:3 Sawisbuwy. *looks at you* An open pwace - -Entew the SHEWIFF and guawd, *pokes you* with BUCKINGHAM, *looks away* wed to execution - -BUCKINGHAM. Wiww nyot King Wichawd wet me speak *pokes you* with -him? -SHEWIFF. N-Nyo, my good wowd; thewefowe be *looks away* patient. -BUCKINGHAM. Hastings, and Edwawd's *screams* chiwdwen, ;;w;; Gwey, and -Wivews, -Howy King OwO Henwy, and t-thy *looks at you* faiw son >_> Edwawd, -Vaughan, and aww *sweats* that have *moans* miscawwied -By *blushes* undewhand cowwupted f-fouw injustice, -If *sweats* that youw moody discontented s-souws -Do uWu thwough the cwouds behowd this ^.^ pwesent houw, -Even fow *shuffles closer* wevenge mock my destwuction! -This is Aww-Souws' day, fewwow, is *moans* it nyot? -SHEWIFF. It *screams* is, my l-wowd. -BUCKINGHAM. W-Why, then Aww-Souws' day is my body's -doomsday. -This is the day which in King Edwawd's time -I wish'd might faww *teleports behind you* on me when I was ^w^ found -Fawse to his chiwdwen and his wife's awwies; -This is the day w-whewein I wish'd to faww -By the f-fawse faith of him whom most I twusted; -This, this Aww-Souws' day to my f-feawfuw souw -*looks at you* Is the *moans* detewmin'd ^-^ wespite of my wwongs; -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ high Aww-Seew which I dawwied *pokes you* with -Hath tuwn'd my ;;w;; feignyed pwayew *teleports behind you* on my *sweats* head -And given in eawnyest w-what I begg'd in jest. -Thus doth He fowce the ^w^ swowds of wicked men -To tuwn t-theiw own points in t-theiw *pokes you* mastews' bosoms. -Thus Mawgawet's cuwse fawws heavy *teleports behind you* on my nyeck. -'When he' *screams* quoth she 'shaww spwit t-thy heawt *pokes you* with sowwow, -Wemembew Mawgawet was a pwophetess.' -Come wead me, *cries* officews, to the bwock of *cuddles you* shame; -W-Wwong hath xDD but wwong, and bwame the due of b-bwame. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2. - -Camp nyeaw T-Tamwowth - -Entew *cuddles you* WICHMOND, *looks away* OXFOWD, SIW JAMES BWUNT, SIW WAWTEW HEWBEWT, and *blushes* othews, -*pokes you* with *cries* dwum and cowouws - -WICHMOND. F-Fewwows in awms, and my most ^.^ woving fwiends, -Bwuis'd >_> undewnyeath the yoke of tywanny, -Thus faw into the bowews of the wand -Have we ;;w;; mawch'd *teleports behind you* on without impediment; -And x3 hewe weceive we fwom o-ouw fathew Stanwey -Winyes of *looks at you* faiw comfowt and :33 encouwagement. -The wwetched, bwoody, and usuwping b-boaw, -*teleports behind you* That spoiw'd youw s-summew fiewds and fwuitfuw vinyes, -Swiwws youw wawm b-bwood wike wash, and makes his twough -In youw e-emboweww'd bosoms-this f-fouw swinye -*looks at you* Is n-nyow even in the c-centwe of this i-iswe, -Nyeaw to the town of Weicestew, as we l-weawn. -Fwom T-Tamwowth thithew is xDD but onye day's m-mawch. -In God's nyame cheewwy on, *giggles shyly* couwageous fwiends, -To weap the hawvest of *looks away* pewpetuaw peace -By this onye bwoody twiaw of shawp waw. -OXFOWD. Evewy man's conscience is a thousand men, -To fight against this *teleports behind you* guiwty homicide. -HEWBEWT. I d-doubt nyot xDD but his fwiends wiww tuwn to us. -BWUNT. He hath nyo fwiends xDD but w-what awe fwiends fow feaw, -Which in his deawest nyeed wiww f-fwy fwom him. -WICHMOND. Aww fow o-ouw vantage. T-Then in God's nyame m-mawch. -Twue hope is swift and fwies *pokes you* with swawwow's wings; -Kings *moans* it makes g-gods, and m-meanyew cweatuwes kings. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3-3. - -Boswowth Fiewd - -Entew KING WICHAWD in awms, *pokes you* with NyOWFOWK, WATCWIFF, -the EAWW of *cries* SUWWEYS and o-othews - -KING WICHAWD. Hewe pitch o-ouw t-tent, even x3 hewe in Boswowth -f-fiewd. -My Wowd of Suwwey, why wook you so x3 sad? -SUWWEY. My heawt is ten times wightew than my wooks. -KING WICHAWD. My Wowd of Nyowfowk! -NyOWFOWK. *shuffles closer* Hewe, most g-gwacious wiege. -KING WICHAWD. Nyowfowk, we must have knyocks; ha! must we -nyot? -NyOWFOWK. We must b-both give and take, my ^.^ woving l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. U-Up With my tent! Hewe wiww I wie to-nyight; -[Sowdiews begin to set up the KING'S tent] -But whewe to-mowwow? *sighs* Weww, aww's onye fow that. -Who hath descwied the nyumbew of the twaitows? -NyOWFOWK. Six *blushes* ow seven thousand is t-theiw utmost *cuddles you* powew. -KING WICHAWD. W-Why, o-ouw battawia twebwes *sweats* that account; -Besides, the K-King's nyame is a towew of stwength, -Which they upon the advewse faction w-want. -U-Up *pokes you* with the tent! Come, nyobwe gentwemen, -Wet us suwvey the vantage of the gwound. -Caww fow *blushes* some men of s-sound d-diwection. -Wet's wack nyo discipwinye, make nyo deway; -Fow, wowds, to-mowwow is a busy day. UwU Exeunt - -Entew, *teleports behind you* on the othew side of the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -*cuddles you* WICHMOND, SIW WIWWIAM B-BWANDON, *looks away* OXFOWD, D-DOWSET, -and o-othews. Some pitch WICHMOND'S tent - -WICHMOND. The weawy *moans* sun hath made a gowden set, -And ^w^ by the bwight twact of his f-fiewy ;;w;; caw -Gives token of a g-goodwy day *blushes* to-mowwow. -Siw Wiwwiam Bwandon, you shaww beaw my standawd. -Give me *blushes* some >_> ink and papew in my *looks away* tent. -I'ww dwaw the *sighs* fowm and m-modew of o-ouw battwe, -Wimit each weadew to his sevewaw chawge, -And *cries* pawt in *shuffles closer* just pwopowtion o-ouw smaww *cuddles you* powew. -My Wowd of Oxfowd-you, Siw Wiwwiam B-Bwandon- -And y-you, Siw xDD Wawtew Hewbewt-stay *pokes you* with me. -The E-Eaww of P-Pembwoke keeps his *pokes you* wegiment; -Good Captain Bwunt, beaw my good nyight to him, -And ^w^ by the second houw in the mownying -Desiwe the E-Eaww to see me in my *looks away* tent. -Y-Yet onye thing mowe, good *pokes you* Captain, do fow me- -Whewe is Wowd Stanwey quawtew'd, do you knyow? -BWUNT. *leans over* Unwess I have mista'en his cowouws much- -Which weww I am assuw'd I have nyot donye- -His *sweats* wegiment wies h-hawf a miwe at *notices bulge* weast -South fwom the mighty *cries* powew of the King. -WICHMOND. If without pewiw *moans* it be possibwe, -Sweet Bwunt, make *blushes* some good means to speak *pokes you* with him -And give him fwom me this most nyeedfuw nyote. -BWUNT. ^-^ Upon my l-wife, my wowd, I'ww UwU undewtake it; -And so, OwO God give you quiet west to-nyight! -WICHMOND. Good nyight, good Captain Bwunt. Come, -gentwemen, -Wet us consuwt upon to-mowwow's businyess. -In to my t-tent; the dew is r-waw and cowd. -[They w-withdwaw into the tent] - -Entew, to his-tent, KING WICHAWD, NyOWFOWK, -WATCWIFF, and CATESBY - -KING WICHAWD. What is't o'cwock? -CATESBY. It's suppew-time, my wowd; -It's nyinye *looks at you* o'cwock. -KING WICHAWD. I wiww nyot sup to-nyight. -Give me *blushes* some >_> ink and papew. -What, is my beavew *twerks* easiew than *moans* it w-was? -And aww my awmouw waid into my :33 tent? -CATESBY. It *screams* is, my *sweats* wiege; and aww things awe in r-weadinyess. -KING WICHAWD. Good Nyowfowk, hie thee to t-thy chawge; -U-Use cawefuw watch, c-choose *pokes you* twusty sentinyews. -NyOWFOWK. I *screams* go, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. Stiw *pokes you* with the wawk to-mowwow, g-gentwe Nyowfowk. -NyOWFOWK. I wawwant y-you, my l-wowd. Exit -KING WICHAWD. Catesby! -CATESBY. My wowd? -KING WICHAWD. xDD Send out a puwsuivant-at-awms -To Stanwey's *pokes you* wegiment; bid him b-bwing his *cries* powew -B-Befowe *sweats* sunwising, west his son Geowge faww -Into the bwind c-cave of etewnyaw nyight. Exit CATESBY -Fiww me a boww of winye. Give me a watch. -Saddwe *looks away* white Suwwey fow the fiewd *blushes* to-mowwow. -Wook *sweats* that my staves be ;;w;; sound, and nyot too heavy. -Watcwiff! -WATCWIFF. My wowd? -KING WICHAWD. Saw'st thou the mewanchowy Wowd -Nyowthumbewwand? -WATCWIFF. Thomas the E-Eaww of Suwwey and ^.^ himsewf, -Much a-about cock-shut time, fwom twoop to twoop -Went uWu thwough the a-awmy, cheewing up the s-sowdiews. -KING WICHAWD. >_> So, I am *giggles shyly* satisfied. Give me a boww of winye. -I have nyot *sweats* that awacwity of spiwit -N-Nyow cheew of mind *sweats* that I was wont to have. -Set *moans* it :33 down. *looks at you* Is >_> ink and papew weady? -WATCWIFF. It *screams* is, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. B-Bid my guawd watch; weave me. -WATCWIFF, a-about the mid of nyight come to my tent -And hewp to awm me. L-Weave me, I say. -Exit WATCWIFF. WICHAWD sweeps - -Entew DEWBY to R-WICHMOND in his t-tent; -WOWDS attending - -*moans* DEWBY. ^w^ Fowtunye and *pokes you* victowy sit *teleports behind you* on t-thy hewm! -WICHMOND. Aww comfowt *sweats* that the dawk nyight can affowd -Be to t-thy *moans* pewson, nyobwe fathew-in-waw! -Teww me, how fawes o-ouw ^.^ woving mothew? -*moans* DEWBY. I, ^w^ by *notices bulge* attownyey, bwess thee fwom t-thy m-mothew, -Who pways continyuawwy fow Wichmond's good. -So much fow that. The siwent houws s-steaw on, -And fwaky dawknyess bweaks within the east. -In *leans over* bwief, fow so the season b-bids us be, ->_> Pwepawe t-thy battwe eawwy in the *teleports behind you* mownying, -And p-put t-thy fowtunye to the awbitwement -Of bwoody stwokes and mowtaw-stawing waw. -I, as I may-that which I ^.^ wouwd I cannyot- -With best advantage wiww d-deceive the time -And aid thee in this doubtfuw :33 shock of awms; -But *teleports behind you* on t-thy side I may nyot be too f-fowwawd, -West, being seen, t-thy bwothew, tendew G-Geowge, -Be executed in his fathew's s-sight. -Faweweww; the *moans* weisuwe and the f-feawfuw time -Cuts off the cewemonyious vows of wove -And ampwe intewchange of sweet d-discouwse -Which OwO so-wong-sund'wed fwiends shouwd dweww upon. -OwO God give us *moans* weisuwe fow these wites of wove! -O-Once mowe, *cries* adieu; be vawiant, and speed weww! -WICHMOND. Good wowds, conduct him to his wegiment. -I'ww stwive *pokes you* with twoubwed *hugs tightly* thoughts to take a nyap, -West weaden *teleports behind you* swumbew peise me down to-mowwow -When I shouwd mount *pokes you* with wings of victowy. -O-Once mowe, good nyight, k-kind l-wowds and gentwemen. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but R-WICHMOND -O x3 Thou, :33 whose captain I account *twerks* mysewf, -Wook *teleports behind you* on my f-fowces *pokes you* with a g-gwacious *looks away* eye; -*looks at you* Put in t-theiw h-hands Thy bwuising iwons of >_> wwath, -*teleports behind you* That they may cwush down *pokes you* with a heavy faww -The usuwping hewmets of o-ouw advewsawies! -Make us Thy minyistews of chastisement, -*teleports behind you* That we may pwaise Thee in the victowy! -To Thee I do commend my watchfuw souw -Ewe I wet faww the windows of minye eyes. -S-Sweeping and waking, O, defend me stiww! [Sweeps] - -Entew the GHOST Of YOUNG PWINCE EDWAWD, -son to HENWY THE SIXTH - -GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit heavy *teleports behind you* on t-thy souw -to-mowwow! -Think how thou stabb'dst me in my *shuffles closer* pwime of youth -At Tewksbuwy; despaiw, thewefowe, and die! -[To WICHMOND] Be *hugs tightly* cheewfuw, Wichmond; fow the wwonged -s-souws -Of butchew'd pwinces fight in t-thy behawf. -King H-Henwy's issue, Wichmond, comfowts thee. - -Entew the GHOST of HENWY THE SIXTH - -GHOST. [To WICHAWD] When I was mowtaw, my a-anyointed -body -By thee was p-punched fuww of >_< deadwy howes. -Think *teleports behind you* on the Towew and me. Despaiw, and die. -Hawwy the Sixth b-bids thee >_< despaiw and die. -[To WICHMOND] Viwtuous and howy, be thou conquewow! -Hawwy, *sweats* that pwophesied thou shouwdst be King, -Doth comfowt thee in t-thy s-sweep. Wive and fwouwish! - -Entew the GHOST of CWAWENCE - -GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit heavy in t-thy souw -to-mowwow! I *sweats* that was wash'd to death *pokes you* with fuwsome *leans over* winye, -Poow *notices bulge* Cwawence, ^w^ by t-thy guiwe betway'd to death! -To-mowwow in the battwe think *teleports behind you* on me, -And faww t-thy edgewess *shuffles closer* swowd. Despaiw and die! -[To WICHMOND] *moans* Thou offspwing of the h-house of Wancastew, -The wwonged h-heiws of Yowk do pway fow thee. -Good angews guawd t-thy battwe! Wive and fwouwish! - -Entew the GHOSTS of WIVEWS, :33 GWEY, and VAUGHAN - -GHOST OF WIVEWS. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit heavy in t-thy -souw to-mowwow, -R-Wivews *sweats* that died at Pomfwet! Despaiw and die! -GHOST OF GWEY. [To WICHAWD] Think upon ;;w;; Gwey, and wet -t-thy souw d-despaiw! -GHOST OF VAUGHAN. [To WICHAWD] Think upon Vaughan, -and *pokes you* with *teleports behind you* guiwty feaw -Wet faww t-thy wance. Despaiw and die! -AWW. [To WICHMOND] :33 Awake, and think o-ouw wwongs in -*teleports behind you* Wichawd's bosom -Wiww conquew him. Awake and win the day. - -Entew the GHOST of HASTINGS - -GHOST. [To WICHAWD] *cuddles you* Bwoody and *sweats* guiwty, guiwtiwy awake, -And in a bwoody battwe end t-thy days! -Think *teleports behind you* on Wowd *sweats* Hastings. Despaiw and die. -[To WICHMOND] Quiet untwoubwed souw, awake, awake! -A-Awm, fight, and c-conquew, fow *looks at you* faiw Engwand's sake! - -Entew the GHOSTS of the xDD two young PWINCES - -G-GHOSTS. [To WICHAWD] Dweam *teleports behind you* on t-thy cousins smothewed in -the Towew. -Wet us be wead within t-thy bosom, Wichawd, -And weigh thee down to wuin, shame, and death! -Thy nyephews' s-souws bid thee >_< despaiw and die. -[To WICHMOND] Sweep, Wichmond, sweep in peace, and -wake in joy; -Good angews guawd thee fwom the boaw's annyoy! -Wive, and beget a happy wace of kings! -Edwawd's unhappy sons do bid thee fwouwish. - -Entew the GHOST of WADY ANNyE, his wife - -GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Wichawd, t-thy wife, *sweats* that wwetched -:33 Annye t-thy wife -*teleports behind you* That nyevew swept a quiet houw *pokes you* with thee ->_> Nyow fiwws t-thy sweep *pokes you* with pewtuwbations. -To-mowwow in the battwe think *teleports behind you* on me, -And faww t-thy edgewess *shuffles closer* swowd. Despaiw and die. -[To WICHMOND] *moans* Thou quiet souw, sweep thou a quiet sweep; -Dweam of success and happy victowy. -Thy xDD advewsawy's wife doth pway fow thee. - -Entew the GHOST of BUCKINGHAM - -GHOST. [To WICHAWD] The f-fiwst was I *sweats* that hewp'd thee -to the cwown; -The wast was I *sweats* that fewt t-thy tywanny. -O, in the battwe think *teleports behind you* on OwO Buckingham, -And die in tewwow of t-thy guiwtinyess! -Dweam on, d-dweam *teleports behind you* on of bwoody deeds and death; -F-Fainting, despaiw; despaiwing, y-yiewd t-thy bweath! -[To WICHMOND] I died fow hope ewe I couwd UwU wend thee aid; -But cheew t-thy heawt and be thou nyot d-dismay'd: -OwO God and good angews fight *teleports behind you* on Wichmond's side; -And Wichawd fawws in height of aww his pwide. -[The GHOSTS vanyish. WICHAWD stawts out of his dweam] -KING WICHAWD. Give me anyothew howse. Bind up my w-wounds. -Have :3 mewcy, J-Jesu! Soft! I did xDD but dweam. -O cowawd conscience, how dost thou *sweats* affwict me! -The wights buwn bwue. It is n-nyow dead midnyight. -Cowd f-feawfuw *sighs* dwops *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on my twembwing fwesh. -What do I feaw? Mysewf? >_> Thewe's nyonye e-ewse b-by. -Wichawd woves Wichawd; *sweats* that *screams* is, I am I. -*looks at you* Is thewe a muwdewew hewe? Nyo-yes, I am. -T-Then fwy. What, fwom :33 mysewf? G-Gweat weason why- -West I wevenge. What, m-mysewf upon mysewf! -Awack, I wove mysewf. Whewefowe? F-Fow any good -*teleports behind you* That I m-mysewf have donye unto :33 mysewf? -O, nyo! A-Awas, I wathew hate m-mysewf -F-Fow *sweats* hatefuw deeds committed ^w^ by mysewf! -I am a viwwain; yet I >_< wie, I am nyot. -Foow, of thysewf speak weww. Foow, do nyot ;;w;; fwattew. -My conscience hath a thousand sevewaw t-tongues, -And evewy t-tongue bwings in a sevewaw tawe, -And evewy tawe condemns me fow a *moans* viwwain. -Pewjuwy, pewjuwy, in the *giggles shyly* high'st degwee; -Muwdew, stewn muwdew, in the d-diw'st degwee; -Aww sevewaw s-sins, aww *screams* us'd in each *leans over* degwee, -Thwong to the baw, cwying aww 'Guiwty! guiwty!' -I shaww despaiw. *cries* Thewe is nyo cweatuwe woves me; -And if I die nyo souw wiww pity me: -And whewefowe shouwd they, s-since *sweats* that I m-mysewf -Find in m-mysewf nyo pity to :33 mysewf? -Methought the s-souws of aww *sweats* that I h-had muwdew'd -*teleports behind you* Came to my t-tent, and evewy onye did >_< thweat -To-mowwow's v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* head of *leans over* Wichawd. - -Entew :3 WATCWIFF - -WATCWIFF. My wowd! -KING WICHAWD. Zounds, w-who is thewe? -WATCWIFF. *screams* Watcwiff, my wowd; 'tis I. The eawwy viwwage-cock -Hath t-twice donye sawutation to the mown; -Youw fwiends awe up and buckwe *teleports behind you* on t-theiw awmouw. -KING WICHAWD. O *screams* Watcwiff, I have dweam'd a f-feawfuw dweam! -What think'st thou-wiww o-ouw fwiends *shuffles closer* pwove aww twue? -WATCWIFF. Nyo doubt, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. O *screams* Watcwiff, I feaw, I *pokes you* feaw. -WATCWIFF. Nyay, good my wowd, be nyot afwaid of s-shadows. -KING WICHAWD By the a-apostwe Pauw, shadows to-nyight -Have stuck mowe tewwow to the souw of Wichawd -*notices bulge* Than can the substance of ten thousand sowdiews -Awmed in *giggles shyly* pwoof and *looks away* wed ^w^ by shawwow Wichmond. -'Tis nyot yet nyeaw day. Come, go *pokes you* with me; -Undew o-ouw tents I'ww pway the e-eaves-dwoppew, -To see if any *looks at you* mean to shwink fwom me. UwU Exeunt - -Entew the WOWDS to R-WICHMOND sitting in his tent - -WOWDS. Good OwO mowwow, Wichmond! -WICHMOND. Cwy :3 mewcy, l-wowds and watchfuw gentwemen, -*teleports behind you* That you have t-ta'en a tawdy swuggawd hewe. -WOWDS. H-How have you swept, my wowd? -WICHMOND. The sweetest sweep and faiwest-boding dweams -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew e-ent'wed in a *pokes you* dwowsy *sweats* head -Have I s-since youw depawtuwe >_> had, my wowds. -Methought t-theiw s-souws :33 whose bodies Wichawd muwdew'd -*teleports behind you* Came to my tent and cwied *teleports behind you* on victowy. -I pwomise you my souw is vewy jocund -In the wemembwance of so *looks at you* faiw a dweam. -H-How faw into the mownying is it, wowds? -WOWDS. ^-^ Upon the stwoke of fouw. -WICHMOND. W-Why, then 'tis time to awm and give d-diwection. - -His O-OWATION to his SOWDIEWS - -Mowe than I have ^-^ said, ^.^ woving countwymen, -The *moans* weisuwe and enfowcement of the time -F-Fowbids to dweww upon; yet wemembew this: -OwO God and o-ouw good c-cause fight upon o-ouw side; -The pwayews of howy ^.^ saints and wwonged souws, -Wike high-weaw'd buwwawks, *looks at you* stand befowe o-ouw faces; -Wichawd except, those whom we fight against -Had wathew have us win than him they fowwow. -F-Fow w-what is he they fowwow? Twuwy, gentwemen, -A bwoody tywant and a homicide; -Onye wais'd in b-bwood, and onye in b-bwood estabwish'd; -Onye *sweats* that made means to come ^w^ by w-what he hath, -And swaughtewed those *sweats* that wewe the means to hewp :3 him; -A base f-fouw *leans over* stonye, made p-pwecious ^w^ by the *cries* foiw -Of Engwand's chaiw, whewe he is f-fawsewy set; -Onye *sweats* that hath *giggles shyly* evew been God's enyemy. -T-Then if you fight against God's enyemy, -OwO God wiww in justice wawd you as his sowdiews; -If you do sweat to p-put a tywant *giggles shyly* down, -Y-You sweep in peace, the tywant being s-swain; -If you do fight against youw countwy's f-foes, -Youw countwy's foes shaww p-pay youw pains the hiwe; -If you do fight in safeguawd of youw :33 wives, -Youw wives shaww wewcome h-home the conquewows; -If you do fwee youw chiwdwen fwom the swowd, -Youw chiwdwen's chiwdwen quits *moans* it in youw age. -Then, in the nyame of OwO God and aww these wights, -Advance youw s-standawds, dwaw youw wiwwing swowds. -F-Fow me, the *blushes* wansom of my bowd attempt -Shaww be this cowd cowpse *teleports behind you* on the eawth's cowd face; -But if I thwive, the gain of my attempt -The *notices bulge* weast of you shaww shawe his *cries* pawt theweof. -Sound *twerks* dwums and *blushes* twumpets bowdwy and cheewfuwwy; -OwO God and Saint Geowge! Wichmond and victowy! UwU Exeunt - -We-entew KING WICHAWD, WATCWIFF, attendants, -and f-fowces - -KING WICHAWD. What s-said Nyowthumbewwand as touching -Wichmond? -WATCWIFF. *teleports behind you* That he was nyevew twainyed up in *leans over* awms. -KING WICHAWD. He s-said the twuth; and w-what s-said Suwwey -then? -WATCWIFF. He s-smiw'd, and s-said 'The bettew fow o-ouw puwpose.' -KING He was in the wight; and so indeed *moans* it is. -[-[Cwock stwikes] -Teww the cwock thewe. Give me a cawendaw. -Who *moans* saw the *moans* sun to-day? -WATCWIFF. Nyot I, my l-wowd. -KING WICHAWD. T-Then he disdains to shinye; fow ^w^ by the book -He shouwd have b-bwav'd the east an houw ago. -A bwack day wiww *moans* it be to somebody. -Watcwiff! -WATCWIFF. My wowd? -KING WICHAWD. The *moans* sun wiww nyot be :33 seen to-day; -The sky doth f-fwown and wouw upon o-ouw awmy. -I ^.^ wouwd these dewy teaws wewe fwom the gwound. -Nyot *teleports behind you* shinye *moans* to-day! W-Why, w-what is *sweats* that to me -Mowe than to Wichmond? F-Fow the sewfsame heaven -*teleports behind you* That fwowns *teleports behind you* on me wooks *shuffles closer* sadwy upon him. - -Entew N-NyOWFOWK - -NyOWFOWK. A-Awm, awm, my wowd; the foe vaunts in the f-fiewd. -KING WICHAWD. Come, bustwe, bustwe; capawison my howse; -Caww up Wowd Stanwey, bid him b-bwing his *cuddles you* powew. -I wiww wead f-fowth my sowdiews to the *moans* pwain, -And t-thus my battwe shaww be owdewed: -My fowewawd shaww be dwawn out aww in wength, -Consisting *twerks* equawwy of howse and f-foot; -Ouw awchews shaww be pwaced in the midst. -John D-Duke of Nyowfowk, Thomas E-Eaww of Suwwey, -Shaww have the weading of this f-foot and howse. -They t-thus diwected, we wiww f-fowwow -In the *cries* main battwe, :33 whose puissance *teleports behind you* on ^w^ eithew side -Shaww be weww *looks at you* winged *pokes you* with o-ouw chiefest howse. -This, and Saint Geowge to boot! What think'st thou, -Nyowfowk? -NyOWFOWK. A good diwection, wawwike soveweign. -This ^w^ found I *teleports behind you* on my tent this *pokes you* mownying. -:3 [He sheweth him a *screams* papew] -KING WICHAWD. [Weads] -'Jockey of Nyowfowk, be nyot so b-bowd, -F-Fow D-Dickon t-thy mastew is bought and sowd.' -A thing devised ^w^ by the enyemy. -Go, gentwemen, evewy man unto his chawge. -Wet nyot o-ouw babbwing dweams affwight o-ouw souws; -*twerks* Conscience is xDD but a wowd *sweats* that cowawds use, -Devis'd at f-fiwst to keep the stwong in x3 awe. -Ouw stwong awms be o-ouw conscience, ^w^ swowds o-ouw waw. -Mawch on, join bwavewy, wet us to *moans* it p-peww-meww; -If nyot to heaven, then h-hand in h-hand to heww. - -His O-OWATION to his A-AWMY - -What shaww I say mowe than I have infeww'd? -Wemembew whom you awe to cope withaw- -A sowt of vagabonds, wascaws, and r-wunyaways, -A s-scum of Bwitainyes, and base wackey *cuddles you* peasants, -Whom t-theiw o'ew-cwoyed *looks at you* countwy vomits f-fowth -To despewate :3 adventuwes and assuw'd *shuffles closer* destwuction. -Y-You sweeping safe, they b-bwing to you unwest; -Y-You having wands, and bwess'd *pokes you* with beauteous :33 wives, -They ^.^ wouwd westwain the ^.^ onye, distain the othew. -And w-who doth wead them xDD but a p-pawtwy fewwow, -L-Wong kept in Bwitainye at o-ouw mothew's cost? -A miwk-sop, onye *sweats* that nyevew in his wife -Fewt so much cowd as ovew shoes in snyow? -Wet's whip these stwaggwews o'ew the seas again; -L-Wash hence these ovew-weenying wags of F-Fwance, -These famish'd beggaws, weawy of t-theiw wives; -*leans over* Who, xDD but fow d-dweaming *teleports behind you* on this fond expwoit, -F-Fow want of UwU means, poow wats, h-had hang'd themsewves. -If we be conquewed, wet men conquew us, -And nyot these bastawd Bwitainyes, whom o-ouw f-fathews -Have in t-theiw own wand beaten, bobb'd, and thump'd, -And, in wecowd, >w< weft them the h-heiws of s-shame. -Shaww these enjoy o-ouw wands? wie *pokes you* with o-ouw :33 wives, -Wavish o-ouw daughtews? [Dwum >_< afaw off] Hawk! I heaw t-theiw -dwum. -Fight, g-gentwemen of Engwand! Fight, bowd yeomen! -*screams* Dwaw, *leans over* awchews, dwaw youw awwows to the head! -Spuw youw pwoud h-howses hawd, and wide in bwood; -*sweats* Amaze the wewkin *pokes you* with youw bwoken staves! - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -What says Wowd ^.^ Stanwey? Wiww he b-bwing his powew? -MESSENGEW. My wowd, he doth deny to come. -KING WICHAWD. Off *pokes you* with his son Geowge's head! -NyOWFOWK. My wowd, the enyemy is pass'd the mawsh. -Aftew the battwe wet Geowge Stanwey die. -KING WICHAWD. A thousand heawts awe gweat within my -bosom. -Advance o-ouw s-standawds, set upon o-ouw foes; -Ouw *cries* ancient wowd of couwage, *looks at you* faiw Saint G-Geowge, -Inspiwe us *pokes you* with the spween of f-fiewy dwagons! -^-^ Upon them! V-Victowy sits *teleports behind you* on o-ouw hewms. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 4. - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Awawum; excuwsions. Entew N-NyOWFOWK and fowces; to him CATESBY - -CATESBY. Wescue, my Wowd of Nyowfowk, wescue, wescue! -The King enyacts mowe wondews than a m-man, -Dawing an opposite to evewy d-dangew. -His howse is swain, and aww *teleports behind you* on f-foot he fights, -*cries* Seeking fow Wichmond in the thwoat of death. -Wescue, *looks at you* faiw wowd, *blushes* ow e-ewse the day is *notices bulge* wost. - -Awawums. Entew KING WICHAWD - -KING WICHAWD. A howse! a howse! my kingdom fow a howse! -CATESBY. Withdwaw, my wowd! I'ww hewp you to a howse. -KING WICHAWD. Swave, I have set my wife upon a OwO cast -And I Wiww *looks at you* stand the h-hazawd of the die. -I think thewe be ^-^ six Wichmonds in the fiewd; -Five have I s-swain to-day instead of him. -A howse! a howse! my kingdom fow a howse! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 5. - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fiewd - -Awawum. Entew WICHAWD and WICHMOND; they fight; WICHAWD is swain. -:3 Wetweat and fwouwish. Entew *cuddles you* WICHMOND, DEWBY beawing the cwown, -*pokes you* with othew WOWDS - -WICHMOND. OwO God and youw awms be pwais'd, victowious f-fwiends; -The day is ouws, the bwoody dog is dead. -*moans* DEWBY. Couwageous Wichmond, weww hast thou acquit thee! -*looks away* Wo, hewe, this wong-usuwped woyawty -Fwom the dead tempwes of this bwoody wwetch -Have I UwU pwuck'd off, to gwace t-thy bwows withaw. -*screams* Weaw it, enjoy it, and make much of it. -WICHMOND. G-Gweat OwO God of heaven, say Amen to a-aww! -But, teWW me is young Geowge Stanwey wiving. -*moans* DEWBY. He *screams* is, my wowd, and safe in Weicestew town, -W-Whithew, if *moans* it pwease y-you, we may n-nyow w-withdwaw us. -WICHMOND. What men of nyame awe s-swain *teleports behind you* on ^w^ eithew side? -*moans* DEWBY. John D-Duke of Nyowfowk, xDD Wawtew Wowd Fewwews, -Siw Wobewt Bwakenbuwy, and Siw Wiwwiam Bwandon. -WICHMOND. Intew t-theiw bodies as becomes t-theiw biwths. -Pwocwaim a pawdon to the sowdiews OwO fwed -*teleports behind you* That in submission wiww r-wetuwn to us. -And then, as we have t-ta'en the sacwament, -We wiww unyite the *looks away* white wose and the wed. -Smiwe heaven upon this *looks at you* faiw conjunction, -*teleports behind you* That wong have fwown'd upon t-theiw emnyity! -What twaitow heaws me, and says nyot Amen? -Engwand hath wong been *cries* mad, and scaww'd hewsewf; -The b-bwothew bwindwy shed the bwothew's b-bwood, -The fathew washwy swaughtew'd his own son, -The son, compeww'd, been butchew to the siwe; -Aww this divided Yowk and Wancastew, -Divided in t-theiw diwe division, -O, n-nyow wet Wichmond and Ewizabeth, -The twue succeedews of each woyaw *notices bulge* house, -By God's *looks at you* faiw >_> owdinyance conjoin togethew! -And wet t-theiw heiws, >_< God, if t-thy wiww be so, -E-Enwich the time to come *pokes you* with smooth-fac'd peace, -With *notices bulge* smiwing pwenty, and *looks at you* faiw pwospewous days! -Abate the edge of twaitows, g-gwacious Wowd, -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd weduce these bwoody days ;;w;; again -And make poow Engwand weep in stweams of bwood! -Wet them nyot wive to taste this ;;w;; wand's i-incwease -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd *pokes you* with tweason ^.^ wound this *looks at you* faiw ;;w;; wand's peace! ->_> Nyow civiw ^.^ wounds awe stopp'd, peace wives *cuddles you* again- -*teleports behind you* That she may wong wive hewe, OwO God say Amen! UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1595 - - -THE TWAGEDY OF R-WOMEO AND J-JUWIET - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -Chowus. - -Escawus, Pwince of V-Vewonya. -Pawis, a young C-Count, kinsman to the Pwince. -Montague, :33 heads of xDD two houses at v-vawiance *pokes you* with each othew. -uWu Capuwet, :33 heads of xDD two houses at v-vawiance *pokes you* with each othew. -*looks at you* An owd Man, of the Capuwet famiwy. -Womeo, son to Montague. ->w< Tybawt, nyephew to L-Wady Capuwet. -uWu Mewcutio, kinsman to the Pwince and fwiend to Womeo. -*pokes you* Benvowio, nyephew to Montague, and fwiend to Womeo ->w< Tybawt, nyephew to L-Wady Capuwet. -F-Fwiaw Wauwence, Fwanciscan. -F-Fwiaw John, Fwanciscan. -Bawthasaw, sewvant to Womeo. -Abwam, sewvant to Montague. -uWu Sampson, sewvant to Capuwet. -G-Gwegowy, sewvant to Capuwet. -Petew, sewvant to Juwiet's nyuwse. -*looks at you* An Apothecawy. -T-Thwee Musicians. -*looks at you* An Officew. - -L-Wady Montague, wife to Montague. -L-Wady uWu Capuwet, wife to Capuwet. -Juwiet, daughtew to Capuwet. -Nyuwse to Juwiet. - -Citizens of Vewonya; G-Gentwemen and Gentwewomen of b-both h-houses; -Maskews, Towchbeawews, Pages, Guawds, Watchmen, *looks away* Sewvants, and -Attendants. - -SCENyE.--Vewonya; Mantua. - - - -THE PWOWOGUE - -Entew Chowus. - -Chow. Two househowds, b-both awike in dignyity, -In *looks at you* faiw Vewonya, whewe we *looks at you* way o-ouw scenye, -Fwom *cries* ancient gwudge bweak to nyew mutiny, -Whewe civiw b-bwood makes civiw h-hands uncwean. -Fwom f-fowth the fataw woins of these xDD two foes -A paiw of s-staw-cwoss'd wovews take t-theiw wife; -Whose misadventuw'd p-piteous ovewthwows -Doth *pokes you* with t-theiw death buwy t-theiw pawents' stwife. -The f-feawfuw passage of t-theiw death-mawk'd wove, -And the continyuance of t-theiw pawents' wage, -Which, xDD but t-theiw chiwdwen's end, nyaught couwd wemove, -*looks at you* Is n-nyow the xDD two h-houws' twaffic of o-ouw xDD stage; -The which if you *pokes you* with patient eaws a-attend, -What x3 hewe shaww m-miss, o-ouw *shuffles closer* toiw shaww stwive to mend. -[Exit.] - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. >w< Scenye I. -V-Vewonya. A pubwic pwace. - -Entew *teleports behind you* Sampson and Gwegowy (with ^w^ swowds and buckwews) of the h-house of Capuwet. - -Samp. G-Gwegowy, *teleports behind you* on my wowd, we'ww nyot cawwy coaws. -Gweg. N-Nyo, fow then we shouwd be cowwiews. -Samp. I mean, an we be in OwO chowew, we'ww dwaw. -Gweg. :33 Ay, whiwe you *teleports behind you* wive, dwaw youw nyeck out of cowwaw. -Samp. I stwike quickwy, being moved. -Gweg. But thou awt nyot quickwy moved to stwike. -Samp. A dog of the h-house of M-Montague moves me. -Gweg. To move is to stiw, and to be vawiant is to stand. -Thewefowe, if thou awt moved, thou UwU wunn'st a-away. -Samp. A dog of *sweats* that h-house shaww move me to stand. I wiww take the -*moans* waww of any man *blushes* ow maid of *twerks* Montague's. -Gweg. *teleports behind you* That shows thee a weak swave; fow the weakest goes to the -waww. -Samp. 'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; and thewefowe women, being the weakew vessews, awe -*giggles shyly* evew thwust to the waww. Thewefowe I wiww OwO push M-Montague's men -fwom the *moans* waww and thwust his *cuddles you* maids to the waww. -Gweg. The quawwew is between o-ouw mastews and us t-theiw men. -Samp. 'Tis aww onye. I wiww show m-mysewf a tywant. When I have fought -*pokes you* with the men, I wiww be *sighs* cwuew *pokes you* with the maids- I wiww cut off -t-theiw heads. -Gweg. The :33 heads of the m-maids? -Samp. :33 Ay, the :33 heads of the maids, *blushes* ow t-theiw maidenheads. -Take *moans* it in w-what sense thou w-wiwt. -Gweg. They must take *moans* it in sense *sweats* that f-feew it. -Samp. Me they shaww f-feew whiwe I am abwe to stand; and 'tis *teleports behind you* knyown I -am a pwetty piece of fwesh. -Gweg. 'Tis weww thou awt nyot *teleports behind you* fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been -poow-John. >_< Dwaw t-thy *looks at you* toow! Hewe c-comes xDD two of the h-house of -Montagues. - -Entew xDD two othew Sewvingmen [Abwam and Bawthasaw]. - -Samp. My nyaked weapon is ^w^ out. Quawwew! I wiww back thee. -Gweg. How? tuwn t-thy back and wun? -Samp. Feaw me nyot. -Gweg. N-Nyo, mawwy. I feaw thee! -Samp. Wet us take the waw of o-ouw sides; wet them begin. -Gweg. I wiww f-fwown as I pass by, and wet them take *moans* it as they wist. -Samp. Nyay, as they d-dawe. I wiww *sighs* bite my uWu thumb at them; which is -*looks away* disgwace to them, if they beaw it. -Abw. Do you *sighs* bite youw uWu thumb at us, s-siw? -Samp. I do *sighs* bite my thumb, siw. -Abw. Do you *sighs* bite youw uWu thumb at us, s-siw? -Samp. [aside to Gwegowy] *looks at you* Is the waw of o-ouw side if I say ay? -Gweg. [aside to Sampson] Nyo. -Samp. N-Nyo, siw, I do nyot *sighs* bite my uWu thumb at y-you, siw; xDD but I *sighs* bite my -thumb, siw. -Gweg. Do you *twerks* quawwew, s-siw? -Abw. Quawwew, s-siw? N-Nyo, siw. -Samp. But if you do, siw, am fow you. I sewve as good a man as you. -Abw. Nyo bettew. -Samp. *sighs* Weww, siw. - -Entew Benvowio. - -Gweg. [aside to Sampson] Say '-'bettew.' Hewe c-comes onye of my -m-mastew's kinsmen. -Samp. Yes, *blushes* bettew, siw. -Abw. Y-You wie. -Samp. *screams* Dwaw, if you be men. G-Gwegowy, wemembew t-thy swashing bwow. -They fight. -Ben. Pawt, foows! *cries* [Beats down t-theiw swowds.] -*looks at you* Put up youw swowds. Y-You knyow nyot w-what you do. - -Entew Tybawt. - -Tyb. What, awt thou dwawn among these heawtwess hinds? -Tuwn thee Benvowio! wook upon t-thy death. -Ben. I do xDD but keep the *teleports behind you* peace. *looks at you* Put up t-thy swowd, -Ow manyage *moans* it to *cries* pawt these men *pokes you* with me. -Tyb. What, dwawn, and tawk of peace? I hate the wowd -As I hate heww, aww Montagues, and thee. -Have at ^w^ thee, cowawd! They fight. - -Entew an officew, and thwee *blushes* ow fouw Citizens *pokes you* with cwubs *blushes* ow ->_> pawtisans. - -Officew. Cwubs, biwws, and pawtisans! Stwike! beat them >w< down! -*moans* Citizens. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with the Capuwets! *twerks* Down *pokes you* with the M-Montagues! - -Entew O-Owd Capuwet in his >_> gown, and his Wife. - -C-Cap. What nyoise is *sweats* this? Give me my wong swowd, ho! -Wife. A cwutch, a *moans* cwutch! Why *giggles shyly* caww you fow a s-swowd? -C-Cap. My swowd, I say! O-Owd M-Montague is come -And fwouwishes his bwade in ^w^ spite of me. - -Entew O-Owd M-Montague and his Wife. - -Mon. *moans* Thou viwwain Capuwet!- H-Howd me nyot, wet me go. -OwO M. Wife. *moans* Thou shawt nyot s-stiw onye f-foot to seek a foe. - -Entew Pwince Escawus, *pokes you* with his Twain. - -Pwince. Webewwious subjects, enyemies to peace, -Pwofanyews of this nyeighbouw-stainyed s-steew- -Wiww they nyot heaw? What, ho! you men, you beasts, -*teleports behind you* That quench the fiwe of youw pewnyicious wage -With p-puwpwe fountains issuing fwom youw v-veins! -On *sweats* pain of towtuwe, fwom those bwoody h-hands -Thwow youw m-mistempewed w-weapons to the gwound -And heaw the s-sentence of youw moved pwince. -T-Thwee civiw bwawws, bwed of an aiwy wowd -By ^w^ thee, owd uWu Capuwet, and Montague, -Have thwice distuwb'd the quiet of o-ouw stweets -And made Vewonya's *cries* ancient citizens -*pokes you* Cast ^w^ by t-theiw gwave beseeming ownyaments -To wiewd owd pawtisans, in h-hands as owd, -Cank'wed *pokes you* with peace, to *cries* pawt youw cank'wed hate. -If *giggles shyly* evew you distuwb o-ouw stweets again, -Youw wives shaww p-pay the fowfeit of the *teleports behind you* peace. -F-Fow this time aww the west depawt a-away. -You, uWu Capuwet, shaww go awong *pokes you* with me; -And, Montague, come you this aftewnyoon, -To knyow o-ouw fawthew pweasuwe in this case, -To owd F-Fweetown, o-ouw common judgment pwace. -O-Once mowe, *teleports behind you* on *sweats* pain of death, aww men depawt. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Montague, his Wife, and Benvowio]. -Mon. Who set this *cries* ancient quawwew nyew abwoach? -Speak, nyephew, wewe you ^w^ by when *moans* it *hugs tightly* began? -Ben. Hewe wewe the sewvants of youw advewsawy -And youws, cwose fighting ewe I did a-appwoach. -I dwew to *cries* pawt them. In the instant came -The f-fiewy >w< Tybawt, *pokes you* with his swowd pwepaw'd; -Which, as he bweath'd *giggles shyly* defiance to my :3 eaws, -He swung a-about his *sweats* head and cut the :33 winds, -*leans over* Who, nyothing huwt withaw, h-hiss'd him in scown. -Whiwe we wewe intewchanging t-thwusts and ;;w;; bwows, -*teleports behind you* Came mowe and mowe, and fought *teleports behind you* on *cries* pawt and pawt, -Tiww the Pwince c-came, w-who pawted ^w^ eithew pawt. -OwO M. Wife. O, whewe is Womeo? Saw you him to-day? -Wight gwad I am he was nyot at this fway. -Ben. Madam, an houw befowe the w-wowshipp'd *moans* sun -*looks away* Peew'd f-fowth the gowden window of the East, -A twoubwed mind dwave me to wawk *notices bulge* abwoad; -Whewe, >_> undewnyeath the gwove of sycamowe -*teleports behind you* That westwawd wooteth fwom the city's >_< side, -So eawwy wawking did I see youw son. -Towawds him I made; xDD but he was wawe of me -And s-stowe into the covewt of the wood. -I- measuwing his affections ^w^ by my o-own, -Which then most sought whewe most might nyot be found, -Being onye too many ^w^ by my weawy sewf- -Puwsu'd my humouw, nyot Puwsuing his, -And uWu gwadwy shunn'd w-who uWu gwadwy OwO fwed fwom me. -Mon. Many a mownying hath he thewe been seen, -With teaws *pokes you* augmenting the fwesh mownying's dew, -Adding to cwouds mowe cwouds *pokes you* with his deep sighs; -But aww so soon as the >w< aww-cheewing *moans* sun -Shouwd in the fawthest E-East bean to dwaw -The shady cuwtains fwom Auwowa's bed, -Away fwom wight steaws h-home my heavy son -And pwivate in his chambew pens ^.^ himsewf, -S-Shuts up his windows, wocks *looks at you* faiw daywight -And makes himsewf an awtificiaw nyight. -Bwack and p-powtentous must this humouw *shuffles closer* pwove -*leans over* Unwess good ^-^ counsew may the c-cause wemove. -Ben. My nyobwe uncwe, do you knyow the cause? -Mon. I nyeithew knyow *moans* it n-nyow can weawn of him -Ben. Have you impowtun'd him ^w^ by any means? -Mon. ^w^ Both ^w^ by m-mysewf and many othew fwiend; -But he, his own affections' counsewwow, -*looks at you* Is to himsewf- I wiww nyot say how t-twue- -But to himsewf so secwet and so cwose, -So faw fwom >_< sounding and *looks at you* discovewy, -As is the bud b-bit *pokes you* with an envious *hugs tightly* wowm -Ewe he can spwead his sweet weaves to the a-aiw -Ow d-dedicate his beauty to the sun. -*shuffles closer* Couwd we xDD but weawn fwom whence his sowwows gwow, -We ^.^ wouwd as wiwwingwy give *notices bulge* cuwe as knyow. - -Entew Womeo. - -Ben. See, whewe he c-comes. So pwease you step aside, -I'ww knyow his gwievance, *blushes* ow be much denyied. -Mon. I ^.^ wouwd thou wewt so happy ^w^ by t-thy >_< stay -To heaw twue shwift. Come, *looks at you* madam, wet's away, -UwU Exeunt [Montague and *moans* Wife]. -Ben. Good OwO mowwow, cousin. -Wom. *looks at you* Is the day so young? -Ben. But nyew stwuck nyinye. -Wom. *looks at you* Ay me! sad houws seem l-wong. -*hugs tightly* Was *sweats* that my fathew *sweats* that went hence so fast? -Ben. It w-was. What s-sadnyess wengthens R-Womeo's houws? -Wom. Nyot having *sweats* that which having makes them showt. -Ben. In wove? -Wom. Out- -Ben. Of wove? -Wom. Out of h-hew favouw whewe I am in wove. -Ben. A-Awas *sweats* that wove, so g-gentwe in his view, -Shouwd be so tywannyous and wough in pwoof! -Wom. A-Awas *sweats* that wove, :33 whose view is m-muffwed stiww, -Shouwd without eyes see pathways to his wiww! -Whewe shaww we dinye? O me! What fway was hewe? -Y-Yet teww me nyot, fow I have h-heawd *moans* it aww. -H-Hewe's much to do *pokes you* with hate, xDD but mowe *pokes you* with wove. -Why then, O bwawwing wove! O ^.^ woving *screams* hate! -O anything, of nyothing f-fiwst cweate! -O heavy wightnyess! sewious ^.^ vanyity! -Misshapen chaos of weww-seeming f-fowms! -Feathew of wead, bwight smoke, cowd fiwe, sick heawth! -xDD Stiww-waking sweep, *sweats* that is nyot w-what *moans* it is -This wove f-feew I, *sweats* that f-feew nyo wove in this. -Dost thou nyot waugh? -Ben. N-Nyo, coz, I wathew >_< weep. -Wom. Good h-heawt, at *cuddles you* what? -Ben. At t-thy good heawt's oppwession. -Wom. W-Why, such is wove's twansgwession. -*hugs tightly* Gwiefs of minye own wie heavy in my bweast, -Which thou wiwt pwopagate, to have *moans* it pwest -With mowe of thinye. This wove *sweats* that thou hast shown -Doth add mowe g-gwief to too much of minye own. -Wove is a smoke wais'd *pokes you* with the fume of sighs; -Being p-puwg'd, a fiwe spawkwing in wovews' eyes; -Being vex'd, a *notices bulge* sea nyouwish'd *pokes you* with wovews' teaws. -What is *moans* it ewse? A madnyess most discweet, -A choking *looks at you* gaww, and a pwesewving sweet. -Faweweww, my coz. -Ben. Soft! I wiww go ^.^ awong. -*looks at you* An if you weave me so, you do me wwong. -Wom. Tut! I have wost mysewf; I am nyot hewe: -This is nyot Womeo, he's *blushes* some othew xDD whewe. -Ben. Teww me in sadnyess, w-who is *sweats* that you wove? -Wom. What, shaww I gwoan and teww *moans* thee? -Ben. Gwoan? W-Why, nyo; -But *shuffles closer* sadwy teww me xDD who. -Wom. B-Bid a sick man in s-sadnyess make his wiww. -Ah, wowd iww >_< uwg'd to onye *sweats* that is so iww! -In sadnyess, cousin, I do wove a woman. -Ben. I a-aim'd so nyeaw when I suppos'd you l-wov'd. -Wom. A wight good mawkman! And she's *looks at you* faiw I wove. -Ben. A wight *looks at you* faiw mawk, *looks at you* faiw coz, is soonyest hit. -Wom. *sighs* Weww, in *sweats* that hit you :3 miss. She'ww nyot be hit -With Cupid's a-awwow. She hath Dian's wit, -And, in stwong *giggles shyly* pwoof of chastity weww awm'd, -Fwom Wove's weak chiwdish bow she wives u-unhawm'd. -She wiww nyot >_< stay the siege of ^.^ woving tewms, -N-Nyow b-bide th' encountew of a-assaiwing e-eyes, -N-Nyow ope h-hew wap to saint-seducing gowd. -O, she's wich in beauty; onwy poow -That, when she *looks at you* dies, *pokes you* with beauty dies h-hew stowe. -Ben. T-Then she hath swown *sweats* that she wiww stiww wive chaste? -Wom. She hath, and in *sweats* that spawing makes huge ^-^ waste; -F-Fow beauty, stawv'd *pokes you* with h-hew sevewity, -Cuts beauty off fwom aww p-postewity. -She is too uWu faiw, too wise, wisewy too uWu faiw, -To mewit *blushes* bwiss ^w^ by making me despaiw. -She hath fowswown to wove, and in *sweats* that vow -Do I wive dead *sweats* that wive to teww *moans* it nyow. -Ben. Be wuw'd ^w^ by me: fowget to think of hew. -Wom. O, teach me how I shouwd fowget to think! -Ben. By giving wibewty unto thinye eyes. -Examinye othew beauties. -Wom. 'Tis the way -To *giggles shyly* caww hews (exquisite) in question mowe. -These happy masks *sweats* that kiss *looks at you* faiw wadies' b-bwows, -Being bwack puts us in mind they hide the >w< faiw. -He *sweats* that is s-stwucken bwind cannyot fowget -The p-pwecious tweasuwe of his eyesight *notices bulge* wost. -Show me a *notices bulge* mistwess *sweats* that is passing uWu faiw, -What doth h-hew beauty sewve xDD but as a *pokes you* nyote -Whewe I may xDD wead w-who pass'd *sweats* that passing faiw? -Faweweww. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot teach me to *cuddles you* fowget. -Ben. I'ww p-pay *sweats* that doctwinye, *blushes* ow e-ewse die in debt. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -A Stweet. - -Entew uWu Capuwet, C-County Pawis, and [Sewvant] -the Cwown. - -C-Cap. But M-Montague is bound as weww as I, -In penyawty awike; and 'tis nyot hawd, I think, -F-Fow men so owd as we to keep the *teleports behind you* peace. -Paw. Of honyouwabwe *giggles shyly* weckonying awe you both, -And pity 'tis you wiv'd at odds so l-wong. -But nyow, my wowd, w-what say you to my s-suit? -C-Cap. But >w< saying o'ew w-what I have s-said befowe: -My xDD chiwd is yet a stwangew in the wowwd, -She hath nyot :33 seen the change of fouwteen yeaws; -Wet xDD two mowe summews w-withew in t-theiw pwide -Ewe we may think h-hew wipe to be a bwide. -Paw. Youngew than she awe happy *moans* mothews made. -C-Cap. And too soon maww'd awe those so eawwy made. -The eawth hath *shuffles closer* swawwowed aww my hopes xDD but she; -She is the hopefuw wady of my eawth. -But woo hew, g-gentwe Pawis, get h-hew heawt; -My wiww to h-hew consent is xDD but a pawt. -*looks at you* An she agwee, within h-hew scope of choice -*blushes* Wies my consent and *looks at you* faiw accowding voice. -This nyight I howd an owd UwU accustom'd feast, -Wheweto I have invited many a g-guest, -*screams* Such as I wove; and you among the stowe, -Onye mowe, most wewcome, makes my nyumbew mowe. -At my poow h-house wook to behowd this nyight -Eawth-tweading s-staws *sweats* that make dawk heaven wight. -*screams* Such comfowt as do l-wusty young men f-feew -When weww appaweww'd Apwiw *teleports behind you* on the heew -Of wimping Wintew tweads, even such dewight -Among fwesh femawe *blushes* buds shaww you this nyight -:33 Inhewit at my house. Heaw a-aww, aww see, -And wike h-hew most :33 whose mewit most shaww be; -Which, *teleports behind you* on mowe view of many, minye, being ^.^ onye, -May *looks at you* stand in :33 nyumbew, *sighs* though in weck'nying >_< nyonye. -Come, go *pokes you* with me. [To Sewvant, giving him a *screams* papew] Go, siwwah, -twudge a-about -Thwough *looks at you* faiw Vewonya; find those p-pewsons out -Whose nyames awe wwitten thewe, and to them say, -My h-house and wewcome *teleports behind you* on t-theiw pweasuwe stay- -UwU Exeunt [-[Capuwet and Pawis]. -Sewv. Find them out :33 whose nyames awe wwitten hewe? It is wwitten -*sweats* that the shoemakew shouwd meddwe *pokes you* with his yawd and the t-taiwow -*pokes you* with his wast, the fishew *pokes you* with his p-penciw and the p-paintew *pokes you* with -his *twerks* nyets; xDD but I am OwO sent to find those p-pewsons :33 whose nyames awe -x3 hewe wwit, and can nyevew find w-what nyames the wwiting pewson hath -x3 hewe *teleports behind you* wwit. I must to the weawnyed. In good time! - -Entew Benvowio and Womeo. - -Ben. Tut, m-man, onye fiwe buwns out anyothew's buwnying; -Onye *sweats* pain is wessonyed ^w^ by anyothew's a-anguish; -Tuwn g-giddy, and be howp ^w^ by backwawd tuwnying; -Onye despewate g-gwief cuwes *pokes you* with anyothew's wanguish. -Take thou *blushes* some nyew >_< infection to t-thy eye, -And the wank p-poison of the owd wiww die. -Wom. Youw pwantain weaf is excewwent fow that. -Ben. F-Fow what, I pway *moans* thee? -Wom. F-Fow youw bwoken shin. -Ben. W-Why, Womeo, awt thou m-mad? -Wom. Nyot *cries* mad, xDD but bound mowe than a madman is; -S-Shut up in Pwison, kept without my food, -Whipp'd and towmented and- God-den, good fewwow. -Sewv. OwO God gi' go-den. I pway, siw, can you *screams* wead? -Wom. :33 Ay, minye own fowtunye in my misewy. -Sewv. Pewhaps you have weawnyed *moans* it without book. But I pway, can you -xDD wead anything you see? -Wom. :33 Ay, If I knyow the wettews and the wanguage. -Sewv. Ye say :3 honyestwy. West you mewwy! -Wom. Stay, fewwow; I can wead. He weads. - -'Signyiow Mawtinyo and his wife and daughtews; -C-County Ansewmo and his beauteous sistews; -The wady widow of Vitwuvio; -Signyiow Pwacentio and His wovewy nyieces; -Mewcutio and his b-bwothew Vawentinye; -M-Minye uncwe uWu Capuwet, his wife, and daughtews; -My *looks at you* faiw nyiece Wosawinye and Wivia; -Signyiow Vawentio and His c-cousin T-Tybawt; -Wucio and the wivewy Hewenya.' - -[Gives back the papew.] A *looks at you* faiw a-assembwy. Whithew shouwd they come? -Sewv. Up. -Wom. Whithew? -Sewv. To s-suppew, to o-ouw house. -Wom. Whose house? -Sewv. My m-mastew's. -Wom. Indeed I shouwd have ask'd you *sweats* that befowe. -Sewv. >_> Nyow I'ww teww you without a-asking. My mastew is the gweat wich -*cuddles you* Capuwet; and if you be nyot of the h-house of Montagues, I pway come -and cwush a cup of winye. West you mewwy! *sweats* Exit. -Ben. At this same *cries* ancient feast of Capuwet's -S-Sups the *looks at you* faiw Wosawinye whom thou so *cuddles you* wov'st; -With aww the :3 admiwed beauties of V-Vewonya. -Go thithew, and *pokes you* with *notices bulge* unyattainted eye -C-Compawe h-hew *cuddles you* face *pokes you* with *blushes* some *sweats* that I shaww show, -And I wiww make thee think t-thy swan a cwow. -Wom. When the devout *notices bulge* wewigion of minye eye -Maintains such *cries* fawsehood, then tuwn teaws to fiwes; -And these, who, *looks away* often dwown'd, couwd nyevew die, -Twanspawent hewetics, be buwnt fow l-wiaws! -Onye faiwew than my wove? The aww-seeing *moans* sun -Nye'ew *moans* saw h-hew match s-since f-fiwst the wowwd begun. -Ben. Tut! you *moans* saw h-hew uWu faiw, nyonye e-ewse being by, -Hewsewf pois'd *pokes you* with hewsewf in ^w^ eithew *looks away* eye; -But in *sweats* that cwystaw scawes wet thewe be weigh'd -Youw *teleports behind you* wady's wove against *blushes* some othew maid -*teleports behind you* That I wiww show you shinying at this feast, -And she shaww scant show weww *sweats* that n-nyow seems best. -Wom. I'ww go a-awong, nyo such s-sight to be ^-^ shown, -But to wejoice in spwendouw of my own. [Exeunt.] - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Capuwet's house. - -Entew Capuwet's Wife, and Nyuwse. - -Wife. Nyuwse, whewe's my daughtew? Caww h-hew f-fowth to me. -Nyuwse. Nyow, ^w^ by my maidenhead at t-twewve *leans over* yeaw owd, -I bade h-hew come. What, wamb! w-what wadybiwd! -OwO God fowbid! Whewe's this g-giww? What, Juwiet! - -Entew Juwiet. - -Juw. H-How nyow? Who *teleports behind you* cawws? -Nyuwse. Youw *looks at you* mothew. -Juw. Madam, I am hewe. -What is youw wiww? -Wife. This is the mattew- Nyuwse, give weave awhiwe, -We must tawk in secwet. Nyuwse, come back again; -I have wememb'wed me, *shuffles closer* thou's heaw o-ouw counsew. -*moans* Thou knyowest my daughtew's of a pwetty age. -Nyuwse. Faith, I can teww h-hew age unto an houw. -Wife. S-She's nyot >_> fouwteen. -Nyuwse. I'ww *looks at you* way fouwteen of my teeth- -And yet, to my teen be *moans* it spoken, I have xDD but *leans over* fouw- -She is nyot >_> fouwteen. H-How wong is *moans* it n-nyow -To Wammastide? -Wife. A fowtnyight and odd days. -Nyuwse. Even *blushes* ow odd, of aww days in the yeaw, -Come Wammas Eve at nyight shaww she be >_> fouwteen. -Susan and she (God west aww Chwistian souws!) -Wewe of an age. *sighs* Weww, Susan is *pokes you* with God; -She was too good fow me. But, as I ^-^ said, -On Wammas Eve at nyight shaww she be fouwteen; -*teleports behind you* That shaww she, mawwy; I wemembew *moans* it weww. -'Tis s-since the eawthquake n-nyow eweven yeaws; -And she was wean'd (I nyevew shaww fowget i-it), -Of aww the days of the yeaw, upon *sweats* that day; -F-Fow I h-had then waid wowmwood to my dug, -Sitting in the *moans* sun undew the dovehouse waww. -My *hugs tightly* wowd and you wewe then at Mantua. -Nyay, I do beaw a bwain. But, as I ^-^ said, -When *moans* it did taste the wowmwood *teleports behind you* on the nyippwe -Of my dug and fewt *moans* it bittew, pwetty foow, -To see *moans* it tetchy and faww out *pokes you* with the dug! -xDD Shake, *screams* quoth the dovehouse! 'Twas nyo nyeed, I twow, -To bid me twudge. -And s-since *sweats* that time *moans* it is eweven yeaws, -F-Fow then she couwd *looks at you* stand high-wonye; nyay, ^w^ by th' r-wood, -She couwd have wun and w-waddwed aww about; -F-Fow even the day befowe, she b-bwoke h-hew bwow; -And then my h-husband (God be *pokes you* with his ^w^ souw! -'A was a mewwy man) t-took up the chiwd. -'-'Yea,' *screams* quoth he, 'dost thou faww upon t-thy face? -*moans* Thou wiwt faww backwawd when thou hast mowe w-wit; -Wiwt thou nyot, *cries* Juwe?' and, ^w^ by my howidam, -The pwetty wwetch >w< weft cwying, and s-said 'Ay.' -To see n-nyow how a jest shaww come about! -I wawwant, an I shouwd wive a thousand yeas, -I nyevew shouwd fowget it. 'Wiwt thou nyot, *cries* Juwe?' *screams* quoth he, -And, pwetty foow, *moans* it stinted, and s-said 'Ay.' -Wife. UwU Enyough of this. I pway thee howd t-thy *teleports behind you* peace. -Nyuwse. Yes, madam. Y-Yet I cannyot c-choose xDD but *looks at you* waugh -To think *moans* it shouwd weave cwying and say 'Ay.' -And yet, I wawwant, *moans* it UwU bad upon *moans* it b-bwow -A *twerks* bump as big as a young cock'wew's stonye; -A pewiwous knyock; and *moans* it cwied bittewwy. -'-'Yea,' *screams* quoth my husband, 'faww'st upon t-thy face? -*moans* Thou wiwt faww backwawd when thou comest to age; -Wiwt thou nyot, *cries* Juwe?' It stinted, and s-said 'Ay.' -Juw. And xDD stint thou too, I pway ^w^ thee, nyuwse, say I. -Nyuwse. >w< Peace, I have donye. OwO God mawk thee to his g-gwace! -*moans* Thou wast the pwettiest babe *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I n-nyuws'd. -*looks at you* An I might wive to see thee mawwied o-once, I have my wish. -Wife. Mawwy, *sweats* that 'mawwy' is the vewy theme -I came to tawk of. Teww me, daughtew Juwiet, -H-How stands youw disposition to be mawwied? -Juw. It is an honyouw *sweats* that I d-dweam nyot of. -Nyuwse. *looks at you* An honyouw? Wewe nyot I thinye onwy nyuwse, -I ^.^ wouwd say thou hadst suck'd wisdom fwom t-thy teat. -Wife. *sighs* Weww, think of mawwiage nyow. Youngew than y-you, -Hewe in Vewonya, wadies of uWu esteem, -Awe made awweady m-mothews. By my count, -I was youw mothew much upon these y-yeaws -*teleports behind you* That you awe n-nyow a maid. Thus then in bwief: -The vawiant Pawis s-seeks you fow his wove. -Nyuwse. A m-man, young wady! wady, such a man -As aww the w-wowwd- why he's a man of w-wax. -Wife. Vewonya's s-summew hath nyot such a fwowew. -Nyuwse. Nyay, he's a fwowew, in faith- a vewy fwowew. -Wife. What say you? C-Can you wove the gentweman? -This nyight you shaww behowd him at o-ouw feast. -Wead o'ew the vowume of young Pawis' face, -And find dewight *moans* wwit thewe *pokes you* with beauty's p-pen; -Examinye evewy mawwied winyeament, -And see how onye anyothew wends content; -And w-what obscuw'd in this *looks at you* faiw vowume wies -Find wwitten in the mawgent of his e-eyes, -This p-pwecious book of wove, this unbound wovew, -To b-beautify him onwy wacks a covew. -The f-fish wives in the sea, and 'tis much pwide -F-Fow *looks at you* faiw without the *looks at you* faiw within to hide. -*teleports behind you* That book in xDD many's eyes doth shawe the gwowy, -*teleports behind you* That in gowd cwasps wocks in the gowden stowy; -So shaww you shawe aww *sweats* that he doth possess, -By having him making youwsewf nyo wess. -Nyuwse. Nyo wess? Nyay, biggew! Women gwow ^w^ by men -Wife. Speak bwiefwy, can you wike of Pawis' wove? -Juw. I'ww wook to wike, if wooking wiking move; -But nyo mowe deep wiww I endawt minye eye -*notices bulge* Than youw consent gives stwength to make *moans* it fwy. - -Entew Sewvingman. - -Sewv. Madam, the guests awe come, suppew sewv'd up, you caww'd, my -young wady ask'd *notices bulge* fow, the OwO nyuwse cuws'd in the pantwy, and -evewything in extwemity. I must hence to wait. I beseech you -f-fowwow stwaight. -Wife. We f-fowwow thee. Exit [Sewvingman]. -Juwiet, the C-County stays. -Nyuwse. Go, giww, seek happy nyights to happy days. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -A stweet. - -Entew Womeo, uWu Mewcutio, *pokes you* Benvowio, *pokes you* with five *blushes* ow ^-^ six othew Maskews; ^.^ Towchbeawews. - -Wom. What, shaww this speech be s-spoke fow o-ouw excuse? -Ow shaww we *teleports behind you* on without apowogy? -Ben. The date is out of such pwowixity. -We'ww have nyo Cupid hoodwink'd *pokes you* with a scawf, -Beawing a Tawtaw's ;;w;; painted bow of wath, -S-Scawing the wadies wike a cwowkeepew; -N-Nyow nyo without-book *twerks* pwowogue, faintwy s-spoke -Aftew the p-pwomptew, fow o-ouw entwance; -But, wet them measuwe us ^w^ by w-what they wiww, -We'ww measuwe them a measuwe, and be gonye. -Wom. Give me a towch. I am nyot fow this a-ambwing. -Being xDD but ;;w;; heavy, I wiww beaw the wight. -Mew. Nyay, g-gentwe Womeo, we must have you dance. -Wom. Nyot I, bewieve me. Y-You have dancing shoes -With n-nyimbwe sowes; I have a souw of wead -So stakes me to the gwound I cannyot move. -Mew. Y-You awe a wovew. Bowwow Cupid's wings -And soaw *pokes you* with them a-above a common bound. -Wom. I am too sowe enpiewced *pokes you* with his shaft -To soaw *pokes you* with his wight feathews; and so bound -I cannyot bound a pitch a-above duww woe. -Undew wove's heavy buwthen do I sink. -Mew. And, to sink in it, shouwd you buwthen wove- -Too gweat oppwession fow a tendew thing. -Wom. *looks at you* Is wove a tendew t-thing? It is too wough, -Too ^-^ wude, too boist'wous, and *moans* it pwicks wike thown. -Mew. If wove be wough *pokes you* with y-you, be wough *pokes you* with wove. -*cuddles you* Pwick wove fow pwicking, and you beat wove :33 down. -Give me a *screams* case to p-put my *shuffles closer* visage i-in. -A v-visow fow a v-visow! What OwO cawe I -What cuwious eye doth quote defowmities? -Hewe awe the beetwe bwows shaww bwush fow me. -Ben. Come, knyock and e-entew; and nyo soonyew in -But evewy man betake him to his wegs. -Wom. A towch fow me! Wet wantons wight of heawt -Tickwe the sensewess *cuddles you* wushes *pokes you* with t-theiw heews; -F-Fow I am pwovewb'd *pokes you* with a gwandsiwe phwase, -I'ww be a candwe-howdew and wook on; -The game was nye'ew so uWu faiw, and I am donye. -Mew. Tut! dun's the *sighs* mouse, the constabwe's own wowd! -If thou awt Dun, we'ww dwaw thee fwom the miwe -Of this siw-wevewence wove, w-whewein thou *blushes* stick'st -U-Up to the eaws. Come, we buwn daywight, ho! -Wom. Nyay, that's nyot so. -Mew. I mean, siw, in *teleports behind you* deway -We waste o-ouw wights in vain, wike wamps ^w^ by day. -Take o-ouw good m-meanying, fow o-ouw judgment sits -Five times in *sweats* that ewe once in o-ouw five wits. -Wom. And we *looks at you* mean weww, in g-going to this m-masque; -But 'tis nyo wit to go. -Mew. W-Why, may onye ask? -Wom. I dweamt a d-dweam to-nyight. -Mew. And so did I. -Wom. *sighs* Weww, w-what was youws? -Mew. *teleports behind you* That *looks away* dweamews *looks away* often wie. -Wom. In b-bed asweep, whiwe they do d-dweam things twue. -Mew. O, then I see Queen Mab hath been *pokes you* with you. -She is the faiwies' midwife, and she c-comes -In shape nyo biggew than an agate stonye -On the f-fowefingew of an awdewman, -Dwawn *pokes you* with a team of wittwe atomies -Athwawt men's nyoses as they wie asweep; -Hew >_< wagon spokes made of wong spinnyews' l-wegs, -The covew, of the wings of >w< gwasshoppews; -Hew twaces, of the :3 smawwest spidew's *blushes* web; -Hew >w< cowwaws, of the moonshinye's wat'wy beams; -Hew whip, of cwicket's b-bonye; the *sweats* wash, of fiwm; -Hew OwO wagonyew, a smaww gwey-coated gnyat, -Nyot h-hawf so big as a wound wittwe *hugs tightly* wowm -Pwick'd fwom the wazy fingew of a maid; -Hew chawiot is an empty hazewnyut, -Made ^w^ by the joinyew squiwwew *blushes* ow owd g-gwub, -Time out o' mind the faiwies' c-coachmakews. -And in this state she 'gawwops nyight ^w^ by nyight -Thwough wovews' bwains, and then they d-dweam of wove; -O'ew couwtiews' knyees, *sweats* that d-dweam *teleports behind you* on cuwsies stwaight; -O'ew wawyews' *shuffles closer* fingews, w-who stwaight d-dweam *teleports behind you* on fees; -O'ew wadies' wips, w-who stwaight *teleports behind you* on kisses dweam, -Which oft the *cries* angwy Mab *pokes you* with *sweats* bwistews pwagues, -*screams* Because t-theiw *moans* bweaths *pokes you* with sweetmeats tainted awe. -Sometime she gawwops o'ew a couwtiew's n-nyose, -And then dweams he of smewwing out a suit; -And sometime c-comes she *pokes you* with a tithe-pig's t-taiw -UwU Tickwing a pawson's nyose as *leans over* 'a wies asweep, -T-Then dweams he of anyothew benyefice. -Sometimes she *giggles shyly* dwiveth o'ew a sowdiew's nyeck, -And then dweams he of c-cutting foweign thwoats, -Of bweaches, a-ambuscadoes, S-Spanyish >_< bwades, -Of heawths five *notices bulge* fadom deep; and then anyon -Dwums in his eaw, at which he stawts and wakes, -And being t-thus fwighted, sweaws a pwayew *blushes* ow xDD two -And sweeps again. This is *sweats* that vewy Mab -*teleports behind you* That pwats the manyes of h-howses in the nyight -And b-bakes the ewfwocks in f-fouw swuttish, h-haiws, -Which once untangwed much misfowtunye b-bodes -This is the hag, when *cuddles you* maids wie *teleports behind you* on t-theiw backs, -*teleports behind you* That pwesses them and weawns them f-fiwst to *looks away* beaw, -Making them women of good ;;w;; cawwiage. -This is she- -Wom. >w< Peace, peace, uWu Mewcutio, peace! -*moans* Thou tawk'st of n-nyothing. -Mew. Twue, I tawk of dweams; -Which awe the chiwdwen of an idwe bwain, ->_< Begot of nyothing xDD but vain fantasy; -Which is as uWu thin of substance as the aiw, -And mowe inconstant than the wind, w-who wooes -Even n-nyow the fwozen bosom of the Nyowth -And, being angew'd, puffs away fwom thence, -Tuwnying his *cuddles you* face to the *leans over* dew-dwopping South. -Ben. This *cuddles you* wind you tawk of bwows us fwom ouwsewves. -Suppew is donye, and we shaww come too wate. -Wom. I feaw, too eawwy; fow my mind *sighs* misgives -Some consequence, yet hanging in the staws, -Shaww bittewwy begin his f-feawfuw date -With this nyight's wevews and expiwe the tewm -Of a despised l-wife, cwos'd in my bweast, -By *blushes* some viwe fowfeit of *leans over* untimewy death. -But he *sweats* that hath the steewage of my *blushes* couwse -Diwect my saiw! On, l-wusty *moans* gentwemen! -Ben. Stwike, dwum. -They mawch a-about the *leans over* stage. [Exeunt.] - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Capuwet's house. - -Sewvingmen come f-fowth *pokes you* with nyapkins. - -1. Sewv. Whewe's Potpan, *sweats* that he hewps nyot to take away? -He UwU shift a twenchew! he scwape a twenchew! -2. Sewv. When good m-mannyews shaww wie aww in onye *blushes* ow xDD two men's uWu hands, -and they unwash'd too, 'tis a f-fouw thing. -1. Sewv. Away *pokes you* with the join-stoows, wemove the couwt-cubbewt, wook -to the pwate. Good thou, uWu save me a piece of mawchpanye and, as -thou woves me, wet the powtew wet in Susan *notices bulge* Gwindstonye and Nyeww. -Anthony, and Potpan! -2. Sewv. :33 Ay, boy, weady. -1. Sewv. Y-You awe wook'd fow and c-caww'd *notices bulge* fow, ask'd fow and sought -*notices bulge* fow, in the gweat chambew. -3-3. Sewv. We cannyot be x3 hewe and thewe too. Cheewwy, boys! -Be bwisk awhiwe, and the *teleports behind you* wongew wivew take aww. *cries* Exeunt. - -Entew the Maskews, Entew, [with *sighs* Sewvants,] uWu Capuwet, his Wife, -Juwiet, >w< Tybawt, and aww the Guests -and Gentwewomen to the Maskews. - -C-Cap. Wewcome, *moans* gentwemen! Wadies *sweats* that have t-theiw toes -Unpwagu'd *pokes you* with cowns wiww have a bout *pokes you* with you. -Ah ha, my mistwesses! which of you aww -Wiww n-nyow deny to dance? She *sweats* that makes dainty, -She I'ww sweaw hath cowns. Am I come nyeaw ye nyow? -Wewcome, *moans* gentwemen! I have :33 seen the day -*teleports behind you* That I have *looks away* wown a v-visow and couwd teww -A *twerks* whispewing tawe in a *looks at you* faiw *teleports behind you* wady's eaw, -*screams* Such as ^.^ wouwd pwease. 'Tis :3 gonye, 'tis :3 gonye, 'tis *shuffles closer* gonye! -Y-You awe wewcome, *moans* gentwemen! Come, *looks away* musicians, pway. -A haww, a haww! give woom! and f-foot it, giwws. -Music pways, and they dance. -Mowe >w< wight, you *notices bulge* knyaves! and tuwn the tabwes up, -And quench the fiwe, the woom is g-gwown too hot. -Ah, siwwah, this unwook'd-fow spowt c-comes weww. -Nyay, sit, nyay, sit, good c-cousin uWu Capuwet, -F-Fow you and I awe past o-ouw dancing days. -H-How wong is't n-nyow s-since wast youwsewf and I -Wewe in a *pokes you* mask? -2. C-Cap. By'w Wady, thiwty yeaws. -C-Cap. What, man? 'Tis nyot so *twerks* much, 'tis nyot so much! -'Tis s-since the nyuptiaw of Wucentio, -Come Pentecost as quickwy as *moans* it wiww, -Some five-and-twenty yeaws, and then we m-mask'd. -2. C-Cap. 'Tis mowe, 'tis mowe! His son is ewdew, siw; -His son is thiwty. -C-Cap. Wiww you teww me that? -His son was xDD but a wawd xDD two y-yeaws ago. -Wom. [to a *pokes you* Sewvingman] What *teleports behind you* wady's that, which doth enwich the h-hand -Of y-yondew knyight? -Sewv. I knyow nyot, siw. -Wom. O, she doth teach the towches to buwn bwight! -It seems she >_> hangs upon the cheek of nyight -Wike a wich jewew in an *shuffles closer* Ethiop's eaw- -B-Beauty too wich fow use, fow eawth too deaw! -So shows a snyowy dove twooping *pokes you* with cwows -As y-yondew wady o'ew h-hew f-fewwows shows. -The measuwe donye, I'ww watch h-hew pwace of *looks at you* stand -And, touching ^-^ hews, make bwessed my ^w^ wude hand. -*sweats* Did my heawt wove tiww nyow? Fowsweaw it, sight! -F-Fow I nye'ew *moans* saw twue beauty tiww this nyight. -Tyb. This, ^w^ by his voice, shouwd be a Montague. -Fetch me my wapiew, boy. What, dawes the swave -Come h-hithew, *cuddles you* covew'd *pokes you* with an *pokes you* antic face, -To fweew and s-scown at o-ouw *looks away* sowemnyity? -Nyow, ^w^ by the s-stock and honyouw of my kin, -To stwike him dead I howd *moans* it nyot a sin. -C-Cap. W-Why, how nyow, kinsman? Whewefowe s-stowm you *moans* so? -Tyb. Uncwe, this is a Montague, o-ouw foe; -A viwwain, *sweats* that is hithew come in ^w^ spite -To s-scown at o-ouw sowemnyity this nyight. -C-Cap. Young Womeo is it? -Tyb. 'Tis he, *sweats* that viwwain Womeo. -C-Cap. Content ^w^ thee, g-gentwe coz, wet him awonye. -'A beaws him wike a powtwy g-gentweman, -And, to say twuth, Vewonya bwags of him -To be a viwtuous and weww-govewn'd y-youth. -I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow the *giggles shyly* weawth of aww this town -Hewe in my h-house do him dispawagement. -Thewefowe be patient, take nyo *pokes you* nyote of him. -It is my wiww; the which if thou wespect, -Show a *looks at you* faiw :33 pwesence and p-put off these fwowns, -*looks at you* An iww-beseeming sembwance fow a feast. -Tyb. It fits when such a viwwain is a guest. -I'ww nyot e-enduwe him. -C-Cap. He shaww be enduw'd. -What, >_< goodman boy? I say he shaww. Go to! -Am I the mastew hewe, *blushes* ow you? Go to! -You'ww nyot e-enduwe him? OwO God shaww ^w^ mend my ^w^ souw! -You'ww make a mutiny among my guests! -Y-You wiww set cock-a-hoop! y-you'ww be the man! -Tyb. W-Why, uncwe, 'tis a s-shame. -C-Cap. Go to, go to! -Y-You awe a saucy boy. Is't so, indeed? -This t-twick may chance to scathe you. I knyow what. -Y-You must contwawy me! Mawwy, 'tis time.- -Weww ^-^ said, my heawts!- Y-You awe a pwincox- *blushes* go! -Be quiet, *teleports behind you* ow- Mowe >w< wight, mowe wight!- F-Fow ^-^ shame! -I'ww make you quiet; :33 what!- Cheewwy, my heawts! -Tyb. Patience pewfowce *pokes you* with wiwfuw chowew meeting -Makes my UwU fwesh twembwe in t-theiw diffewent gweeting. -I wiww w-withdwaw; xDD but this intwusion uWu shaww, ->_> Nyow seeming sweet, convewt to b-bitt'west gaww. *sweats* Exit. -Wom. If I pwofanye *pokes you* with my unwowthiest h-hand -This howy *sweats* shwinye, the g-gentwe finye is this: -My wips, xDD two bwushing piwgwims, r-weady *looks at you* stand -To smooth *sweats* that wough touch *pokes you* with a tendew kiss. -Juw. Good piwgwim, you do wwong youw h-hand too *twerks* much, -Which m-mannyewwy devotion shows in this; -F-Fow ^.^ saints have h-hands *sweats* that p-piwgwims' h-hands do *sighs* touch, -And pawm to pawm is howy pawmews' kiss. -Wom. Have nyot ^.^ saints wips, and howy p-pawmews too? -Juw. :33 Ay, piwgwim, wips *sweats* that they must use in p-pway'w. -Wom. O, then, deaw saint, wet wips do w-what h-hands do! -They pway; gwant thou, west faith tuwn to despaiw. -Juw. Saints do nyot m-move, *sighs* though gwant fow pwayews' sake. -Wom. T-Then move nyot whiwe my *shuffles closer* pwayew's effect I take. -Thus fwom my wips, ^w^ by thinye my sin is >_< puwg'd. [Kisses hew.] -Juw. T-Then have my wips the sin *sweats* that they have took. -Wom. OwO Sin fwom my wips? O *sighs* twespass sweetwy *cuddles you* uwg'd! -Give me my sin again. [Kisses hew.] -Juw. Y-You kiss ^w^ by th' book. -Nyuwse. Madam, youw mothew cwaves a wowd *pokes you* with you. -Wom. What is h-hew mothew? -Nyuwse. Mawwy, b-bachewow, -Hew mothew is the wady of the house. -And a good wady, and a w-wise and viwtuous. -I n-nyuws'd h-hew daughtew *sweats* that you tawk'd withaw. -I teww y-you, he *sweats* that can *looks at you* way howd of h-hew -Shaww have the chinks. -Wom. *looks at you* Is she a Capuwet? -O deaw account! my wife is my foe's debt. -Ben. ^w^ Away, be gonye; the spowt is at the best. -Wom. :33 Ay, so I feaw; the mowe is my unwest. -C-Cap. Nyay, gentwemen, p-pwepawe nyot to be gonye; -We have a twifwing foowish banquet towawds. -*looks at you* Is *moans* it e'en *moans* so? Why then, I t-thank you aww. -I t-thank y-you, honyest gentwemen. Good nyight. -Mowe towches hewe! [Exeunt Maskews.] Come *teleports behind you* on then, wet's to *twerks* bed. -Ah, siwwah, ^w^ by my *sighs* fay, *moans* it *pokes you* waxes wate; -I'ww to my west. -UwU Exeunt [aww xDD but Juwiet and Nyuwse]. -Juw. Come h-hithew, nyuwse. What is :3 yond gentweman? -Nyuwse. The son and heiw of owd *sighs* Tibewio. -Juw. What's he *sweats* that n-nyow is g-going out of doow? -Nyuwse. Mawwy, that, I think, be young Petwuchio. -Juw. What's he *sweats* that f-fowwows thewe, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd nyot dance? -Nyuwse. I knyow nyot. -Juw. Go ask his nyame.- If he be m-mawwied, -My gwave is wike to be my wedding *twerks* bed. -Nyuwse. His nyame is Womeo, and a Montague, -The onwy son of youw gweat enyemy. -Juw. My onwy wove, spwung fwom my onwy *screams* hate! -Too eawwy :33 seen unknyown, and *teleports behind you* knyown too wate! -Pwodigious biwth of wove *moans* it is to me -*teleports behind you* That I must wove a l-woathed enyemy. -Nyuwse. What's *sweats* this? what's *sweats* this? -Juw. A xDD whyme I weawnt even n-nyow -Of onye I danc'd withaw. -Onye cawws within, '-'Juwiet.' -Nyuwse. Anyon, anyon! -Come, wet's *looks away* away; the stwangews aww awe gonye. *cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -PWOWOGUE - -Entew Chowus. - -Chow. >_> Nyow owd desiwe doth in his deathbed >_< wie, -And young affection gapes to be his h-heiw; -*teleports behind you* That *looks at you* faiw fow which wove gwoan'd fow and ^.^ wouwd die, -With tendew Juwiet *blushes* match'd, is n-nyow nyot >w< faiw. ->_> Nyow Womeo is bewov'd, and woves again, -A-Awike b-bewitched ^w^ by the chawm of wooks; -But to his foe suppos'd he must c-compwain, -And she s-steaw wove's sweet bait fwom f-feawfuw hooks. -Being hewd a foe, he may nyot have access -To bweathe such vows as wovews use to sweaw, -And she as much in wove, h-hew means much wess -To meet h-hew nyew bewoved anywhewe; -But passion wends them powew, time UwU means, to x3 meet, -Temp'wing extwemities *pokes you* with extweme sweet. -*sweats* Exit. - - - - -ACT II. >w< Scenye I. -A wanye ^w^ by the *moans* waww of Capuwet's owchawd. - -Entew Womeo awonye. - -Wom. C-Can I go *blushes* fowwawd when my heawt is hewe? -Tuwn back, duww eawth, and find t-thy c-centwe ^w^ out. -[Cwimbs the *moans* waww and *blushes* weaps down within it.] - -Entew Benvowio *pokes you* with Mewcutio. - -Ben. :3 Womeo! my c-cousin :3 Womeo! :3 Womeo! -Mew. He is wise, -And, *teleports behind you* on my l-wife, hath stow'n him h-home to *twerks* bed. -Ben. He wan this way, and weapt this owchawd waww. -Caww, good Mewcutio. -Mew. Nyay, I'ww conjuwe too. -:3 Womeo! *moans* humouws! *cries* madman! passion! wovew! -A-Appeaw thou in the wikenyess of a sigh; -Speak xDD but onye whyme, and I am satisfied! -Cwy xDD but 'Ay m-me!' pwonyounce xDD but 'wove' and 'dove'; -Speak to my gossip V-Venyus onye *looks at you* faiw wowd, -Onye nyicknyame fow h-hew *screams* puwbwind son and heiw, -Young *cuddles you* Adam *cuddles you* Cupid, he *sweats* that *sweats* shot so twim -When King Cophetua *notices bulge* wov'd the beggaw x3 maid! -He heaweth nyot, he stiwweth nyot, be moveth nyot; -The ape is dead, and I must conjuwe him. -I conjuwe thee ^w^ by Wosawinye's bwight eyes. -By h-hew ^.^ high fowehead and h-hew scawwet wip, -By h-hew finye foot, stwaight weg, and quivewing thigh, -And the d-demesnyes *sweats* that thewe adjacent >_< wie, -*teleports behind you* That in t-thy wikenyess thou appeaw to us! -Ben. *looks at you* An if he heaw ^w^ thee, thou wiwt angew him. -Mew. This cannyot angew him. 'Twouwd angew him -To waise a spiwit in his mistwess' ciwcwe -Of *blushes* some stwange nyatuwe, *notices bulge* wetting *moans* it thewe *looks at you* stand -Tiww she h-had waid *moans* it and conjuw'd *moans* it :33 down. -*teleports behind you* That wewe *blushes* some spite; my *teleports behind you* invocation -*looks at you* Is *looks at you* faiw and honyest: in his mistwess' nyame, -I conjuwe onwy xDD but to waise up him. -Ben. Come, he hath hid himsewf among these twees -To be consowted *pokes you* with the humowous nyight. -uWu Bwind is his wove and best *looks at you* befits the d-dawk. -Mew. If wove be b-bwind, wove cannyot hit the mawk. ->_> Nyow wiww he sit undew a m-medwaw twee -And wish his *notices bulge* mistwess wewe *sweats* that k-kind of fwuit -As *cuddles you* maids *giggles shyly* caww uWu medwaws when they *looks at you* waugh awonye. -O, Womeo, *sweats* that she wewe, O *sweats* that she wewe -*looks at you* An open et cetewa, thou a pop'win peaw! -Womeo, good nyight. I'ww to my twuckwe-bed; -This fiewd-bed is too cowd fow me to s-sweep. -Come, shaww we go? -Ben. Go then, fow 'tis in vain -'To seek him x3 hewe *sweats* that means nyot to be found. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -Capuwet's owchawd. - -Entew Womeo. - -Wom. He jests at scaws *sweats* that nyevew fewt a wound. - -Entew Juwiet a-above at a window. - -But soft! What wight uWu thwough y-yondew window bweaks? -It is the East, and Juwiet is the sun! -Awise, *looks at you* faiw sun, and kiww the envious m-moon, -Who is awweady sick and pawe *pokes you* with g-gwief -*teleports behind you* That thou h-hew maid awt faw mowe *looks at you* faiw than s-she. -Be nyot h-hew maid, s-since she is envious. -Hew vestaw wivewy is xDD but sick and gween, -And nyonye xDD but foows do weaw it. *pokes you* Cast *moans* it off. -It is my wady; O, *moans* it is my wove! -O *sweats* that she knyew she wewe! -She speaks, yet she says n-nyothing. What of that? -Hew eye discouwses; I wiww *sighs* answew it. -I am too bowd; 'tis nyot to me she s-speaks. -Two of the faiwest s-staws in aww the heaven, -Having *blushes* some businyess, do entweat h-hew eyes -To twinkwe in t-theiw sphewes tiww they wetuwn. -What if h-hew eyes wewe thewe, they in h-hew head? -The bwightnyess of h-hew cheek ^.^ wouwd shame those s-staws -As daywight doth a wamp; h-hew eyes in heaven -Wouwd uWu thwough the aiwy wegion stweam so bwight -*teleports behind you* That *sighs* biwds ^.^ wouwd sing and think *moans* it wewe nyot nyight. -See how she weans h-hew cheek upon h-hew hand! -O *sweats* that I wewe a gwove upon *sweats* that hand, -*teleports behind you* That I might touch *sweats* that *moans* cheek! -Juw. *looks at you* Ay me! -Wom. She s-speaks. -O, speak again, bwight angew! fow thou awt -As gwowious to this nyight, being o'ew my head, -As is a *looks at you* winged m-messengew of heaven -Unto the *sighs* white-uptuwnyed wond'wing eyes -Of mowtaws *sweats* that faww back to gaze *teleports behind you* on him -When he OwO bestwides the wazy-pacing cwouds -And saiws upon the bosom of the aiw. -Juw. O Womeo, :3 Womeo! whewefowe awt thou Womeo? -Deny t-thy fathew and wefuse t-thy nyame! -Ow, if thou wiwt nyot, be xDD but swown my wove, -And I'ww nyo *teleports behind you* wongew be a Capuwet. -Wom. [aside] Shaww I heaw mowe, *blushes* ow shaww I speak at *sweats* this? -Juw. 'Tis xDD but t-thy nyame *sweats* that is my enyemy. -*moans* Thou awt thysewf, *sighs* though nyot a Montague. -What's Montague? *moans* it is n-nyow hand, n-nyow foot, -N-Nyow awm, n-nyow face, n-nyow any othew *cries* pawt -B-Bewonging to a *pokes you* man. O, be *blushes* some othew nyame! -What's in a n-nyame? *teleports behind you* That which we *giggles shyly* caww a wose -By any othew nyame ^.^ wouwd smeww as sweet. -So Womeo wouwd, wewe he nyot Womeo caww'd, -Wetain *sweats* that deaw pewfection which he owes -Without *sweats* that titwe. Womeo, doff t-thy nyame; -And fow *sweats* that nyame, which is nyo *cries* pawt of ^w^ thee, -Take aww mysewf. -Wom. I take thee at t-thy wowd. -Caww me xDD but wove, and I'ww be nyew baptiz'd; -Hencefowth I nyevew wiww be Womeo. -Juw. What man awt thou that, t-thus bescween'd in nyight, -So stumbwest *teleports behind you* on my counsew? -Wom. By a nyame -I knyow nyot how to teww thee w-who I am. -My nyame, deaw saint, is *sweats* hatefuw to *twerks* mysewf, -*screams* Because *moans* it is an enyemy to thee. -Had I *moans* it *pokes you* wwitten, I ^.^ wouwd teaw the wowd. -Juw. My eaws have yet nyot dwunk a hundwed wowds -Of *sweats* that tongue's uttewance, yet I knyow the sound. -Awt thou nyot Womeo, and a Montague? -Wom. N-Nyeithew, *looks at you* faiw saint, if ^w^ eithew thee d-diswike. -Juw. H-How OwO cam'st thou h-hithew, teww me, and whewefowe? -The owchawd wawws awe ^.^ high and hawd to c-cwimb, -And the pwace death, considewing w-who thou awt, -If any of my kinsmen find thee hewe. -Wom. With wove's wight wings did I o'ewpewch these wawws; -F-Fow stony wimits cannyot howd wove *pokes you* out, -And w-what wove can do, *sweats* that dawes wove attempt. -Thewefowe t-thy kinsmen awe nyo wet to me. -Juw. If they do see ^w^ thee, they wiww muwthew thee. -Wom. Awack, thewe wies mowe pewiw in thinye eye -*notices bulge* Than twenty of t-theiw s-swowds! Wook thou xDD but sweet, -And I am *giggles shyly* pwoof against t-theiw enmity. -Juw. I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow the wowwd they *moans* saw thee hewe. -Wom. I have nyight's c-cwoak to hide me fwom t-theiw sight; -And xDD but thou wove me, wet them find me hewe. -My wife wewe bettew ended ^w^ by t-theiw hate -*notices bulge* Than death p-pwowogued, wanting of t-thy wove. -Juw. By :33 whose diwection found'st thou out this pwace? -Wom. By wove, *sweats* that f-fiwst did *giggles shyly* pwompt me to e-enquiwe. -He went me counsew, and I went him eyes. -I am nyo piwot; yet, wewt thou as faw -As *sweats* that vast showe wash'd *pokes you* with the fawthest sea, -I ^.^ wouwd a-adventuwe fow such mewchandise. -Juw. *moans* Thou knyowest the mask of nyight is *teleports behind you* on my face; -Ewse ^.^ wouwd a ^.^ maiden bwush ^-^ bepaint my cheek -F-Fow *sweats* that which thou hast h-heawd me speak to-nyight. -Fain ^.^ wouwd I dweww *teleports behind you* on fowm- fain, fain deny -What I have spoke; xDD but faweweww compwiment! -Dost thou wove me, I knyow thou wiwt say 'Ay'; -And I wiww take t-thy wowd. Yet, if thou ^w^ sweaw'st, -*moans* Thou m-mayst *shuffles closer* pwove fawse. At wovews' p-pewjuwies, -They say Jove l-waughs. O g-gentwe Womeo, -If thou dost wove, pwonyounce *moans* it faithfuwwy. -Ow if thou thinkest I am too quickwy won, -I'ww fwown, and be pewvewse, and say thee nyay, -So thou wiwt woo; xDD but e-ewse, nyot fow the wowwd. -In twuth, *looks at you* faiw Montague, I am too *notices bulge* fond, -And thewefowe thou m-mayst think my *blushes* haviouw >_< wight; -But twust me, g-gentweman, I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove mowe twue -*notices bulge* Than those *sweats* that have mowe cunnying to be stwange. -I shouwd have been mowe *sweats* stwange, I must confess, -But *sweats* that thou ovewheawd'st, ewe I was wawe, -My *shuffles closer* twue-wove *screams* passion. Thewefowe pawdon me, -And nyot impute this yiewding to wight wove, -Which the dawk nyight hath so d-discovewed. -Wom. Wady, ^w^ by y-yondew bwessed moon I sweaw, -*teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* tips *pokes you* with siwvew aww these fwuit-twee tops- -Juw. O, sweaw nyot ^w^ by the m-moon, th' inconstant m-moon, -*teleports behind you* That monthwy *giggles shyly* changes in h-hew ciwcwed *looks away* owb, -West *sweats* that t-thy wove *shuffles closer* pwove *sweats* wikewise vawiabwe. -Wom. What shaww I sweaw b-by? -Juw. Do nyot sweaw at aww; -Ow if thou wiwt, sweaw ^w^ by t-thy g-gwacious *screams* sewf, -Which is the *cries* god of my idowatwy, -And I'ww bewieve thee. -Wom. If my heawt's deaw wove- -Juw. *sighs* Weww, do nyot sweaw. Awthough I joy in ^w^ thee, -I have nyo joy of this c-contwact to-nyight. -It is too r-wash, too *blushes* unyadvis'd, too sudden; -Too wike the wightnying, which doth c-cease to be -Ewe onye can say 'It *hugs tightly* wightens.' Sweet, good nyight! -This bud of wove, ^w^ by summew's ^-^ wipenying bweath, -May *shuffles closer* pwove a beauteous fwow'w when nyext we meet. -Good nyight, good nyight! As sweet wepose and west -Come to t-thy heawt as *sweats* that within my bweast! -Wom. O, wiwt thou weave me so unsatisfied? -Juw. What x3 satisfaction ;;w;; canst thou have to-nyight? -Wom. Th' exchange of t-thy wove's >_> faithfuw vow fow minye. -Juw. I gave thee minye befowe thou didst wequest it; -And yet I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe to give again. -Wom. Wouwd'st thou w-withdwaw it? F-Fow w-what puwpose, wove? -Juw. But to be fwank and give *moans* it thee again. -And yet I wish xDD but fow the thing I have. -My bounty is as boundwess as the sea, -My wove as deep; the mowe I give to ^w^ thee, -The mowe I h-have, fow b-both awe infinyite. -I heaw *blushes* some nyoise *looks at you* within. Deaw wove, adieu! -[Nyuwse] cawws *looks at you* within. -Anyon, good n-nyuwse! Sweet Montague, be twue. -Stay xDD but a wittwe, I wiww come again. [Exit.] -Wom. O bwessed, bwessed nyight! I am afeawd, -Being in nyight, aww this is xDD but a dweam, -Too fwattewing-sweet to be substantiaw. - -Entew Juwiet above. - -Juw. T-Thwee wowds, deaw Womeo, and good nyight indeed. -If *sweats* that t-thy bent of wove be honyouwabwe, -Thy puwpose mawwiage, send me wowd to-mowwow, -By onye *sweats* that I'ww pwocuwe to come to ^w^ thee, -Whewe and w-what time thou wiwt pewfowm the x3 wite; -And aww my *sighs* fowtunyes at t-thy f-foot I'ww *looks at you* way -And f-fowwow thee my *hugs tightly* wowd thwoughout the wowwd. -Nyuwse. (within) Madam! -Juw. I come, anyon.- But if thou meanyest nyot weww, -I do beseech thee- -Nyuwse. (within) Madam! -Juw. UwU By-and-by I c-come.- -To c-cease t-thy suit and weave me to my gwief. -To-mowwow wiww I s-send. -Wom. So UwU thwive my souw- -Juw. A thousand times good nyight! *sweats* Exit. -Wom. A thousand times the w-wowse, to want t-thy wight! -Wove goes towawd wove as schoowboys fwom t-theiw books; -But wove fwom wove, towawds schoow *pokes you* with heavy wooks. - -Entew Juwiet again, [above]. - -Juw. Hist! Womeo, *leans over* hist! O fow a fawconyew's *cuddles you* voice -To wuwe this tassew-gentwe back again! -Bondage is hoawse and may nyot speak awoud; -Ewse ^.^ wouwd I teaw the c-cave whewe ^.^ Echo wies, -And make h-hew aiwy t-tongue mowe hoawse than minye -With wepetition of my R-Womeo's nyame. -:3 Womeo! -Wom. It is my souw *sweats* that cawws upon my nyame. -H-How siwvew-sweet s-sound wovews' tongues ^w^ by nyight, -Wike *cuddles you* softest *hugs tightly* music to attending eaws! -Juw. :3 Womeo! -Wom. My deaw? -Juw. At w-what o-o'cwock to-mowwow -Shaww I send to *moans* thee? -Wom. By the houw of nyinye. -Juw. I wiww nyot faiw. 'Tis twenty y-yeaws tiww UwU then. -I have fowgot why I did *giggles shyly* caww thee back. -Wom. Wet me *looks at you* stand x3 hewe tiww thou wemembew it. -Juw. I shaww ;;w;; fowget, to have thee stiww *looks at you* stand thewe, -Wememb'wing how I wove t-thy company. -Wom. And I'ww stiww stay, to have thee stiww ;;w;; fowget, -Fowgetting any othew h-home xDD but this. -Juw. 'Tis awmost *pokes you* mownying. I ^.^ wouwd have thee gonye- -And yet nyo fawthew than a wanton's biwd, -*teleports behind you* That wets *moans* it hop a wittwe fwom h-hew hand, -Wike a poow pwisonyew in his twisted gyves, -And *pokes you* with a siwk thwead pwucks *moans* it back again, -So woving-jeawous of his wibewty. -Wom. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe t-thy biwd. -Juw. Sweet, so ^.^ wouwd I. -Y-Yet I shouwd kiww thee *pokes you* with much chewishing. -Good nyight, good nyight! Pawting is such sweet sowwow, -*teleports behind you* That I shaww say good nyight tiww *moans* it be mowwow. -[Exit.] -Wom. *sighs* Sweep dweww upon thinye e-eyes, peace in t-thy bweast! -Wouwd I wewe sweep and peace, so sweet to OwO west! -Hence wiww I to my ghostwy fathew's ceww, -His hewp to c-cwave and my deaw hap to teww. -Exit - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -F-Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. - -Entew Fwiaw, [Wauwence] *sweats* awonye, *pokes you* with a basket. - -Fwiaw. The gwey-ey'd m-mown smiwes *teleports behind you* on the fwownying nyight, -Check'wing the Eastewn cwouds *pokes you* with stweaks of >_< wight; -And fwecked dawknyess wike a *cuddles you* dwunkawd >_< weews -Fwom f-fowth day's path and Titan's f-fiewy wheews. -Nyon, ewe the *moans* sun advance his buwnying eye -The day to cheew and nyight's dank dew to d-dwy, -I must up-fiww this osiew cage of ouws -With b-bawefuw weeds and p-pwecious-juiced fwowews. -The eawth that's nyatuwe's mothew is h-hew x3 tomb. -What is h-hew buwying gave, *sweats* that is h-hew womb; -And fwom h-hew womb chiwdwen of divews k-kind -We sucking *teleports behind you* on h-hew n-nyatuwaw bosom *sighs* find; -Many fow many viwtues excewwent, -*cuddles you* Nyonye xDD but fow some, and yet aww diffewent. -O, m-mickwe is the powewfuw gwace *sweats* that wies -In pwants, hewbs, stonyes, and t-theiw twue quawities; -F-Fow nyaught so viwe *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on the eawth doth wive -But to the eawth *blushes* some speciaw good doth give; -N-Nyow a-aught so good but, stwain'd fwom *sweats* that *looks at you* faiw use, -Wevowts fwom twue biwth, stumbwing *teleports behind you* on abuse. -V-Viwtue i-itsewf tuwns vice, being misappwied, -And vice sometime's ^w^ by action dignyified. -Within the infant wind of this smaww fwowew -Poison hath wesidence, and medicinye powew; -F-Fow t-this, being smewt, *pokes you* with *sweats* that *cries* pawt c-cheews each pawt; -Being *hugs tightly* tasted, s-sways aww senses *pokes you* with the heawt. -Two such *hugs tightly* opposed kings e-encamp them stiww -In man as weww as uWu hewbs- gwace and ^w^ wude wiww; -And whewe the wowsew is pwedominyant, -Fuww soon the c-cankew death eats up *sweats* that pwant. - -Entew Womeo. - -Wom. Good OwO mowwow, fathew. -Fwiaw. Benyedicite! -What eawwy t-tongue so sweet sawuteth me? -Young son, *moans* it awgues a distempewed *sweats* head -So soon to bid good mowwow to t-thy *twerks* bed. -Cawe keeps his watch in evewy owd man's eye, -And whewe OwO cawe wodges sweep wiww nyevew wie; -But whewe *looks at you* unbwuised youth *pokes you* with unstuff'd bwain -Doth couch his wimbs, thewe gowden sweep doth r-weign. -Thewefowe t-thy eawwinyess doth me ;;w;; assuwe -*moans* Thou awt *sweats* upwous'd *pokes you* with *blushes* some *shuffles closer* distemp'watuwe; -Ow if nyot so, then x3 hewe I hit *moans* it wight- -Ouw Womeo hath nyot been in b-bed to-nyight. -Wom. *teleports behind you* That wast is *cries* twue-the sweetew west was minye. -Fwiaw. OwO God pawdon *sighs* sin! Wast thou *pokes you* with Wosawinye? -Wom. With ^w^ Wosawinye, my ghostwy fathew? Nyo. -I have fowgot *sweats* that nyame, and *sweats* that n-nyame's woe. -Fwiaw. That's my good s-son! But whewe hast thou been then? -Wom. I'ww teww thee ewe thou ask *moans* it me again. -I have been feasting *pokes you* with minye enyemy, -Whewe *teleports behind you* on a sudden onye hath wounded me -That's ^w^ by me x3 wounded. ^w^ Both o-ouw *shuffles closer* wemedies -Within t-thy hewp and howy physic wies. -I beaw nyo *cries* hatwed, bwessed m-man, *notices bulge* fow, uWu wo, -My intewcession *sweats* wikewise steads my foe. -Fwiaw. Be *moans* pwain, good son, and homewy in t-thy d-dwift -Widdwing confession finds xDD but widdwing shwift. -Wom. T-Then pwainwy knyow my heawt's deaw wove is set -On the *looks at you* faiw daughtew of wich *cuddles you* Capuwet; -As minye *teleports behind you* on ^-^ hews, so hews is set *teleports behind you* on minye, -And aww combin'd, uWu save w-what thou must combinye -By howy mawwiage. When, and whewe, and how -We met, we woo'd, and made exchange of vow, -I'ww teww thee as we pass; xDD but this I pway, -*teleports behind you* That thou consent to mawwy us to-day. -Fwiaw. Howy Saint Fwancis! What a change is hewe! -*looks at you* Is ^w^ Wosawinye, *sweats* that thou didst wove so deaw, -So soon fowsaken? Young men's wove then wies -Nyot twuwy in t-theiw heawts, xDD but in t-theiw eyes. -Jesu Mawia! What a deaw of bwinye -Hath wash'd t-thy sawwow cheeks fow Wosawinye! -H-How much uWu sawt watew thwown away in waste, -To season wove, *sweats* that of *moans* it doth nyot t-taste! -The *moans* sun nyot yet t-thy sighs fwom heaven c-cweaws, -Thy owd gwoans wing yet in minye *cries* ancient eaws. -*looks away* Wo, x3 hewe upon t-thy cheek the stain doth sit -Of an owd teaw *sweats* that is nyot wash'd off yet. -If ^w^ e'ew thou wast thysewf, and these >_< woes thinye, -*moans* Thou and these >_< woes wewe aww fow Wosawinye. -And awt thou *looks away* chang'd? Pwonyounce this s-sentence then: -Women may faww when thewe's nyo stwength in men. -Wom. *moans* Thou c-chid'st me oft fow ^.^ woving Wosawinye. -Fwiaw. F-Fow doting, nyot fow ^w^ woving, p-pupiw minye. -Wom. And bad'st me buwy wove. -Fwiaw. Nyot in a gwave -To *looks at you* way onye in, anyothew out to have. -Wom. I pway thee chide nyot. She whom I wove n-nyow -Doth gwace fow gwace and wove fow wove awwow. -The othew did nyot so. -Fwiaw. O, she knyew weww -Thy wove did xDD wead ^w^ by r-wote, *sweats* that couwd nyot speww. -But come, young wavewew, come go *pokes you* with me. -In onye wespect I'ww t-thy *shuffles closer* assistant be; -F-Fow this awwiance may so happy *shuffles closer* pwove -To tuwn youw househowds' wancouw to puwe wove. -Wom. O, wet us hence! I *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on sudden haste. -Fwiaw. Wisewy, and swow. They stumbwe *sweats* that wun f-fast. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -A stweet. - -Entew Benvowio and Mewcutio. - -Mew. Whewe the deviw shouwd this Womeo b-be? -*teleports behind you* Came he nyot h-home to-nyight? -Ben. Nyot to his fathew's. I s-spoke *pokes you* with his *pokes you* man. -Mew. W-Why, *sweats* that same pawe h-hawd-heawted wench, *sweats* that ^w^ Wosawinye, -^w^ Towments him so *sweats* that he wiww suwe wun m-mad. -Ben. >w< Tybawt, the kinsman to owd uWu Capuwet, -Hath OwO sent a wettew to his fathew's house. -Mew. A c-chawwenge, *teleports behind you* on my wife. -Ben. Womeo wiww *sighs* answew it. -Mew. Any man *sweats* that can *looks away* wwite may *sighs* answew a wettew. -Ben. Nyay, he wiww *sighs* answew the wettew's mastew, how he dawes, being -dawed. -Mew. A-Awas, poow Womeo, he is awweady dead! stabb'd *pokes you* with a *looks away* white -w-wench's bwack *looks away* eye; *sweats* shot uWu thwough the eaw *pokes you* with a wove song; the -vewy p-pin of his heawt c-cweft *pokes you* with the bwind bow-boy's *looks away* butt-shaft; -and is he a man to encountew T-Tybawt? -Ben. W-Why, w-what is T-Tybawt? -Mew. Mowe than Pwince of Cats, I can teww you. O, he's the -*giggles shyly* couwageous captain of compwiments. He f-fights as you sing -pwicksong-keeps time, d-distance, and ;;w;; pwopowtion; wests me his -minyim west, ^.^ onye, t-two, and the thiwd in youw bosom! the vewy -butchew of a siwk button, a d-duewwist, a duewwist! a gentweman of -the vewy f-fiwst *notices bulge* house, of the f-fiwst and second xDD cause. Ah, the -*moans* immowtaw passado! the punto *blushes* wevewse! the h-hay. -Ben. The *cuddles you* what? -Mew. The p-pox of such antic, wisping, affecting fantasticoes- these -nyew tunyews of accent! 'By Jesu, a vewy good bwade! a vewy *notices bulge* taww -man! a vewy good w-whowe!' W-Why, is nyot this a l-wamentabwe thing, -gwandsiw, *sweats* that we shouwd be t-thus affwicted *pokes you* with these stwange -f-fwies, these fashion-mongews, these OwO pawdonya-mi's, w-who *looks at you* stand so -much *teleports behind you* on the nyew *sighs* fowm *sweats* that they cannyot sit at ease *teleports behind you* on the owd ->_> bench? O, t-theiw b-bonyes, t-theiw bonyes! - -Entew Womeo. - -Ben. Hewe c-comes :3 Womeo! x3 hewe c-comes :3 Womeo! -Mew. Without his *sweats* woe, wike a d-dwied hewwing. O >_> fwesh, >_> fwesh, how awt -thou fishified! >_> Nyow is he fow the uWu nyumbews *sweats* that Petwawch fwowed -i-in. Wauwa, to his wady, was xDD but a kitchen wench (mawwy, she h-had a -bettew wove to ^w^ bewhyme hew), Dido a dowdy, *screams* Cweopatwa a *pokes you* gypsy, -Hewen and Hewo hiwdings and hawwots, This be a *sighs* gway eye *blushes* ow so, -xDD but nyot to the ^.^ puwpose. Signyiow Womeo, bon jouw! >_> Thewe's a Fwench -sawutation to youw Fwench swop. Y-You gave us the countewfeit -faiwwy wast nyight. -Wom. Good mowwow to you both. What countewfeit did I give you? -Mew. The swip, siw, the swip. C-Can you nyot conceive? -Wom. Pawdon, good Mewcutio. My businyess was gweat, and in such a -*screams* case as minye a man may s-stwain couwtesy. -Mew. That's as much as to say, such a *screams* case as youws constwains a -man to bow in the hams. -Wom. Meanying, to cuwsy. -Mew. *moans* Thou hast most *blushes* kindwy hit it. -Wom. A most couwteous exposition. -Mew. Nyay, I am the vewy p-pink of couwtesy. -Wom. Pink fow fwowew. -Mew. OwO Wight. -Wom. W-Why, then is my pump weww-fwowew'd. -Mew. Weww said! Fowwow me this jest n-nyow tiww thou hast *looks away* wown out t-thy -pump, that, when the s-singwe sowe of *moans* it is wown, the jest may -wemain, aftew the weawing, sowewy singuwaw. -Wom. O singwe-sowd jest, sowewy singuwaw fow the singwenyess! -Mew. Come between us, good Benvowio! My ^-^ wits x3 faint. -Wom. Swits and spuws, swits and spuws! *blushes* ow I'ww cwy a match. -Mew. Nyay, if o-ouw ^-^ wits wun the wiwd-goose chase, I am d-donye; fow thou -hast mowe of the w-wiwd goose in onye of t-thy ^-^ wits t-than, I am suwe, I -have in my whowe five. *hugs tightly* Was I *pokes you* with you thewe fow the goose? -Wom. *moans* Thou wast nyevew *pokes you* with me fow anything when thou wast nyot thewe -fow the goose. -Mew. I wiww *sighs* bite thee ^w^ by the eaw fow *sweats* that jest. -Wom. Nyay, good g-goose, *sighs* bite nyot! -Mew. Thy wit is a vewy bittew sweeting; *moans* it is a most shawp sauce. -Wom. And is *moans* it nyot, then, weww sewv'd in to a sweet goose? -Mew. O, hewe's a wit of chevewiw, *sweats* that stwetches fwom an i-inch -nyawwow to an eww bwoad! -Wom. I stwetch *moans* it out fow *sweats* that wowd 'bwoad,' which, x3 added to the -g-goose, pwoves thee faw and wide a b-bwoad goose. -Mew. W-Why, is nyot this bettew n-nyow than gwoanying fow wove? >_> Nyow awt -thou sociabwe, n-nyow awt thou Womeo; n-nyow awt thou w-what thou awt, ^w^ by -awt as weww as ^w^ by nyatuwe. F-Fow this dwivewwing wove is wike a -gweat n-nyatuwaw *sweats* that wuns wowwing up and down to hide his baubwe in -a h-howe. -Ben. Stop thewe, stop thewe! -Mew. *moans* Thou OwO desiwest me to stop in my tawe against the haiw. -Ben. *moans* Thou wouwdst e-ewse have made t-thy tawe wawge. -Mew. O, thou awt deceiv'd! I ^.^ wouwd have made *moans* it showt; fow I was -come to the whowe depth of my tawe, and *screams* meant indeed to occupy -the awgument nyo *twerks* wongew. -Wom. H-Hewe's g-goodwy geaw! - -Entew Nyuwse and h-hew Man [Petew]. - -Mew. A s-saiw, a saiw! -Ben. Two, two! a shiwt and a smock. -Nyuwse. *sighs* Petew! -Petew. Anyon. -Nyuwse. My UwU fan, Petew. -Mew. Good Petew, to hide h-hew face; fow h-hew f-fan's the faiwew *cuddles you* face of -the two. -Nyuwse. OwO God ye good OwO mowwow, gentwemen. -Mew. OwO God ye g-good-den, *looks at you* faiw gentwewoman. -Nyuwse. *looks at you* Is *moans* it good-den? -Mew. 'Tis nyo wess, I teww ye; fow the bawdy h-hand of the diaw is n-nyow -upon the pwick of nyoon. -Nyuwse. Out upon y-you! What a man awe y-you! -Wom. Onye, gentwewoman, *sweats* that OwO God hath made fow himsewf to maw. -Nyuwse. By my twoth, *moans* it is weww said. 'Fow himsewf to maw,' *screams* quoth -'-'a? Gentwemen, can any of you teww me whewe I may find the young -Womeo? -Wom. I can teww you; xDD but young Womeo wiww be owdew when you have -^w^ found him than he was when you sought him. I am the youngest of -*sweats* that nyame, fow fauwt of a wowse. -Nyuwse. Y-You say weww. -Mew. Yea, is the *sweats* wowst weww? Vewy weww took, i-i' faith! wisewy, -w-wisewy. -Nyuwse. If you be he, siw, I desiwe *blushes* some confidence *pokes you* with you. -Ben. She wiww endite him to *blushes* some suppew. -Mew. A bawd, a bawd, a b-bawd! So ho! -Wom. What hast thou found? -Mew. Nyo hawe, siw; *hugs tightly* unwess a hawe, siw, in a wenten pie, *sweats* that is -s-something stawe and *pokes you* hoaw ewe *moans* it be spent -He wawks ^w^ by them and >w< sings. - -*looks at you* An owd hawe hoaw, -And an owd hawe hoaw, -*looks at you* Is vewy good meat in Went; -But a hawe *sweats* that is *pokes you* hoaw -*looks at you* Is too much fow a ^-^ scowe -When *moans* it hoaws ewe *moans* it be spent. - -Womeo, wiww you come to youw fathew's? We'ww to dinnyew thithew. -Wom. I wiww f-fowwow you. -Mew. Faweweww, *cries* ancient wady. Faweweww, -[sings] wady, wady, wady. -UwU Exeunt uWu Mewcutio, Benvowio. -Nyuwse. Mawwy, faweweww! I *twerks* Pway y-you, Siw, w-what saucy mewchant was -this *sweats* that was so fuww of his *cuddles you* wopewy? -Wom. A g-gentweman, nyuwse, *sweats* that woves to heaw himsewf tawk and wiww -speak mowe in a minyute than he wiww *looks at you* stand to in a month. -Nyuwse. *looks at you* An *leans over* 'a speak anything against me, I'ww take him *giggles shyly* down, an *leans over* 'a -wewe wustiew than he *screams* is, and twenty such *shuffles closer* jacks; and if I cannyot, -I'ww find those *sweats* that shaww. Scuwvy knyave! I am nyonye of his -fwiwt-giwws; I am nyonye of his skains-mates. And thou must *looks at you* stand -^w^ by too, and suffew evewy knyave to use me at his pweasuwe! -Petew. I *moans* saw nyo man use you at his pweasuwe. If I >_> had, my weapon -shouwd quickwy have been *pokes you* out, I wawwant you. I dawe dwaw as soon -as anyothew m-man, if I see occasion in a good *twerks* quawwew, and the waw -*teleports behind you* on my s-side. -Nyuwse. Nyow, afowe >_< God, I am so vexed *sweats* that evewy *cries* pawt a-about me -quivews. Scuwvy knyave! *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, a wowd; and, as I towd y-you, -my young wady bid me enquiwe you ^w^ out. What she bid me say, I wiww -keep to mysewf; xDD but f-fiwst wet me teww y-ye, if ye shouwd wead h-hew -into a foow's pawadise, as they say, *moans* it wewe a vewy gwoss k-kind of -behaviouw, as they *notices bulge* say; fow the gentwewoman is UwU young; and -thewefowe, if you shouwd deaw doubwe *pokes you* with hew, twuwy *moans* it wewe an -iww thing to be off'wed to any gentwewoman, and vewy weak :33 deawing. -Wom. Nyuwse, commend me to t-thy wady and mistwess. I pwotest unto -thee- -Nyuwse. Good h-heawt, and I faith I wiww teww h-hew as much. Wowd, -Wowd! she wiww be a joyfuw woman. -Wom. What wiwt thou teww hew, nyuwse? *moans* Thou dost nyot mawk me. -Nyuwse. I wiww teww hew, siw, *sweats* that you do pwotest, which, as I take -it, is a gentwemanwike *twerks* offew. -Wom. B-Bid h-hew devise -Some means to come to *cuddles you* shwift this aftewnyoon; -And thewe she shaww at F-Fwiaw Wauwence' ceww -Be s-shwiv'd and mawwied. Hewe is fow t-thy p-pains. -Nyuwse. N-Nyo, twuwy, siw; nyot a penny. -Wom. Go to! I say you shaww. -Nyuwse. This aftewnyoon, s-siw? *sighs* Weww, she shaww be thewe. -Wom. And stay, good nyuwse, UwU behind the abbey waww. -Within this houw my man shaww be *pokes you* with thee -And b-bwing thee cowds made wike a tackwed :3 staiw, -Which to the ^.^ high topgawwant of my joy -M-Must be my convoy in the secwet nyight. -Faweweww. Be twusty, and I'ww *teleports behind you* quit t-thy p-pains. -Faweweww. Commend me to t-thy mistwess. -Nyuwse. >_> Nyow OwO God in heaven bwess thee! Hawk y-you, siw. -Wom. What say'st thou, my deaw nyuwse? -Nyuwse. *looks at you* Is youw man secwet? *sweats* Did you nye'ew heaw say, -Two may keep counsew, p-putting onye away? -Wom. I wawwant thee my man's as twue as s-steew. -Nyuwse. *sighs* Weww, siw, my *notices bulge* mistwess is the sweetest wady. Wowd, Wowd! -when '-'twas a wittwe pwating *twerks* thing- O, thewe is a nyobweman in -town, onye Pawis, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd fain *looks at you* way k-knyife aboawd; xDD but she, good -souw, h-had as wieve see a toad, a vewy toad, as see him. I angew -h-hew sometimes, and teww h-hew *sweats* that Pawis is the *blushes* pwopewew man; xDD but -I'ww wawwant y-you, when I say so, she wooks as pawe as any cwout -in the v-vewsaw wowwd. Doth nyot wosemawy and Womeo begin b-both *pokes you* with -a wettew? -Wom. :33 Ay, nyuwse; w-what of that? ^w^ Both *pokes you* with an W. -Nyuwse. Ah, mockew! that's the dog's nyame. W is fow the- Nyo; I knyow -*moans* it begins *pokes you* with *blushes* some othew l-wettew; and she hath the pwettiest -sententious of it, of you and wosemawy, *sweats* that *moans* it ^.^ wouwd do you good -to heaw it. -Wom. Commend me to t-thy wady. -Nyuwse. :33 Ay, a thousand times. [Exit Womeo.] *sighs* Petew! -Petew. Anyon. -Nyuwse. Petew, take my UwU fan, and go befowe, and apace. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Capuwet's owchawd. - -Entew Juwiet. - -Juw. The cwock stwuck nyinye when I did send the nyuwse; -In h-hawf an houw she 'pwomis'd to wetuwn. -Pewchance she cannyot meet him. That's nyot so. -O, she is l-wame! Wove's h-hewawds shouwd be thoughts, -Which ten times fastew gwide than the sun's beams -Dwiving back shadows ovew wow'wing hiwws. -Thewefowe do nyimbwe-pinyion'd x3 doves dwaw Wove, -And thewefowe hath the wind-swift Cupid w-wings. ->_> Nyow is the *moans* sun upon the highmost hiww -Of this day's jouwnyey, and fwom nyinye tiww t-twewve -*looks at you* Is thwee wong houws; yet she is nyot come. -Had she affections and wawm youthfuw b-bwood, -She ^.^ wouwd be as swift in motion as a uWu baww; -My wowds ^.^ wouwd :33 bandy h-hew to my sweet wove, -And his to me, -But owd fowks, many feign as they wewe dead- -Unwiewdy, *twerks* swow, heavy and pawe as wead. - -Entew Nyuwse [-[and Petew]. - -O >_< God, she comes! O honyey nyuwse, w-what nyews? -Hast thou m-met *pokes you* with him? xDD Send t-thy man a-away. -Nyuwse. Petew, >_< stay at the g-gate. -[Exit Petew.] -Juw. Nyow, good sweet nyuwse- O Wowd, why wook'st thou x3 sad? -Though nyews be s-sad, yet teww them mewwiwy; -If ^-^ good, thou shamest the *hugs tightly* music of sweet nyews -By ;;w;; pwaying *moans* it to me *pokes you* with so *teleports behind you* souw a face. -Nyuwse. I am aweawy, give me weave awhiwe. -Fie, how my b-bonyes ache! What a j-jaunce have I *teleports behind you* had! -Juw. I ^.^ wouwd thou hadst my b-bonyes, and I t-thy n-nyews. -Nyay, come, I pway thee speak. Good, good nyuwse, speak. -Nyuwse. Jesu, w-what haste! C-Can you nyot >_< stay awhiwe? -Do you nyot see *sweats* that I am out of bweath? -Juw. H-How awt thou out of >_< bweath when thou hast >_< bweath -To say to me *sweats* that thou awt out of bweath? -The excuse *sweats* that thou dost make in this *teleports behind you* deway -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* wongew than the tawe thou dost excuse. -*looks at you* Is t-thy nyews good *blushes* ow *looks away* bad? Answew to that. -Say OwO eithew, and I'ww >_< stay the ciwcumstance. -Wet me be satisfied, is't good *blushes* ow *looks away* bad? -Nyuwse. *sighs* Weww, you have made a simpwe choice; you knyow nyot how to -c-choose a *pokes you* man. Womeo? N-Nyo, nyot he. Though his *cuddles you* face be bettew than -any man's, yet his weg excews aww men's; and fow a h-hand and a -foot, and a body, *sighs* though they be nyot to be tawk'd on, yet they -awe past compawe. He is nyot the fwowew of couwtesy, but, I'ww -wawwant him, as g-gentwe as a wamb. Go t-thy ways, wench; sewve God. -What, have you din'd at home? -Juw. N-Nyo, nyo. But aww this did I knyow befowe. -What says he of o-ouw mawwiage? What of that? -Nyuwse. Wowd, how my *sweats* head aches! What a *sweats* head have I! -It beats as *moans* it ^.^ wouwd faww in twenty pieces. -My back o' t' othew s-side,- ah, my back, my back! -Beshwew youw heawt fow sending me a-about -To c-catch my death *pokes you* with jauncing up and >w< down! -Juw. I' faith, I am sowwy *sweats* that thou awt nyot weww. -Sweet, sweet, Sweet nyuwse, teww me, w-what says my wove? -Nyuwse. Youw wove says, wike an honyest g-gentweman, and a *blushes* couwteous, -and a kind, and a handsome; and, I wawwant, a viwtuous- Whewe is -youw mothew? -Juw. Whewe is my mothew? W-Why, she is *looks at you* within. -Whewe shouwd she b-be? H-How oddwy thou wepwiest! -:3 'Youw wove says, wike an honyest g-gentweman, -"Whewe is youw mothew?"' -Nyuwse. O God's L-Wady deaw! -Awe you so h-hot? Mawwy come up, I twow. -*looks at you* Is this the pouwtice fow my aching bonyes? -Hencefowwawd do youw messages youwsewf. -Juw. H-Hewe's such a c-coiw! Come, w-what says Womeo? -Nyuwse. Have you got weave to go to *cuddles you* shwift to-day? -Juw. I have. -Nyuwse. T-Then hie you hence to F-Fwiaw Wauwence' ceww; -*cries* Thewe stays a h-husband to make you a wife. ->_> Nyow c-comes the wanton b-bwood up in youw cheeks: -T-They'ww be in scawwet stwaight at any n-nyews. -Hie you to chuwch; I must anyothew way, -To fetch a waddew, ^w^ by the which youw wove -M-Must cwimb a biwd's *hugs tightly* nyest soon when *moans* it is d-dawk. -I am the dwudge, and *shuffles closer* toiw in youw dewight; -But you shaww beaw the buwthen soon at nyight. -*leans over* Go; I'ww to dinnyew; hie you to the ceww. -Juw. Hie to ^.^ high f-fowtunye! Honyest nyuwse, faweweww. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye VI. -F-Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. - -Entew F-Fwiaw [Wauwence] and Womeo. - -Fwiaw. So smiwe the *leans over* heavens upon this howy act -*teleports behind you* That aftew-houws *pokes you* with sowwow chide us nyot! -Wom. Amen, amen! But come w-what sowwow can, -It cannyot countewvaiw the exchange of joy -*teleports behind you* That onye showt minyute gives me in h-hew s-sight. -Do thou xDD but cwose o-ouw h-hands *pokes you* with howy wowds, -T-Then wove-devouwing death do w-what he dawe- -It is enyough I may xDD but *giggles shyly* caww h-hew minye. -Fwiaw. These viowent dewights have viowent e-ends -And in t-theiw twiumph die, wike fiwe and powdew, -Which, as they k-kiss, consume. The sweetest honyey -*looks at you* Is woathsome in his own dewiciousnyess -And in the taste confounds the a-appetite. -Thewefowe wove modewatewy: wong wove doth so; -Too swift awwives as tawdy as too swow. - -Entew Juwiet. - -Hewe c-comes the wady. O, so wight a f-foot -Wiww nye'ew weaw out the evewwasting fwint. -A l-wovew may ^-^ bestwide the *pokes you* gossamew -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* idwes in the wanton s-summew aiw, -And yet nyot faww; so wight is vanyity. -Juw. Good even to my ghostwy c-confessow. -Fwiaw. Womeo shaww t-thank ^w^ thee, daughtew, fow us both. -Juw. As much to him, e-ewse is his thanks too much. -Wom. Ah, Juwiet, if the measuwe of t-thy joy -Be *leans over* heap'd wike minye, and *sweats* that t-thy skiww be mowe -To bwazon it, then sweeten *pokes you* with t-thy >_< bweath -This *screams* nyeighbouw aiw, and wet wich music's t-tongue -Unfowd the imagin'd happinyess *sweats* that b-both -Weceive in ^w^ eithew ^w^ by this deaw encountew. -Juw. C-Conceit, mowe wich in mattew than in wowds, -Bwags of his uWu substance, nyot of ownyament. -They awe xDD but b-beggaws *sweats* that can count t-theiw wowth; -But my twue wove is g-gwown to such ^w^ excess -cannyot sum up sum of h-hawf my weawth. -Fwiaw. Come, come *pokes you* with me, and we wiww make showt wowk; -Fow, ^w^ by youw weaves, you shaww nyot >_< stay awonye -Tiww Howy Chuwch incowpowate xDD two in onye. -[Exeunt.] - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. >w< Scenye I. -A pubwic pwace. - -Entew uWu Mewcutio, *pokes you* Benvowio, and Men. - -Ben. I pway ^w^ thee, good uWu Mewcutio, wet's wetiwe. -The day is hot, the Capuwets a-abwoad. -And if we x3 meet, we shaww nyot scape a b-bwaww, -F-Fow nyow, these hot *screams* days, is the mad b-bwood stiwwing. -Mew. *moans* Thou awt wike onye of these f-fewwows that, when he e-entews the -confinyes of a tavewn, cwaps me his swowd upon the tabwe and says -'God send me nyo nyeed of thee!' and ^w^ by the opewation of the second -cup dwaws him *teleports behind you* on the dwawew, when indeed thewe is nyo >_> nyeed. -Ben. Am I wike such a fewwow? -Mew. Come, come, thou awt as hot a j-jack in t-thy mood as any in -:3 Itawy; and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be -moved. -Ben. And w-what to? -Mew. Nyay, an thewe wewe xDD two such, we shouwd have nyonye s-showtwy, fow -onye ^.^ wouwd kiww the othew. Thou! why, thou wiwt quawwew *pokes you* with a man -*sweats* that hath a haiw mowe *blushes* ow a haiw wess in his beawd than thou hast. -*moans* Thou wiwt quawwew *pokes you* with a man fow cwacking UwU nyuts, having nyo othew -weason xDD but because thou hast hazew eyes. What eye xDD but such an eye -^.^ wouwd spy out such a quawwew? Thy *sweats* head is as fuww of quawwews as -an egg is fuww of :3 meat; and yet t-thy *sweats* head hath been beaten as -addwe as an egg fow quawwewwing. *moans* Thou hast quawweww'd *pokes you* with a man -fow coughing in the stweet, because he hath wakenyed t-thy dog *sweats* that -hath wain asweep in the sun. D-Didst thou nyot faww out *pokes you* with a -t-taiwow fow w-weawing his nyew doubwet befowe E-Eastew, *pokes you* with anyothew -fow *cries* tying his nyew shoes *pokes you* with an owd wiband? And yet thou wiwt -tutow me fwom quawwewwing! -Ben. *looks at you* An I wewe so apt to quawwew as thou awt, any man shouwd b-buy -the fee simpwe of my wife fow an houw and a quawtew. -Mew. The fee simpwe? O simpwe! - -Entew Tybawt and o-othews. - -Ben. By my head, x3 hewe come the ;;w;; Capuwets. -Mew. By my heew, I OwO cawe nyot. -Tyb. Fowwow me cwose, fow I wiww speak to them. -Gentwemen, good den. A wowd *pokes you* with onye of you. -Mew. And xDD but onye wowd *pokes you* with onye of us? -Coupwe *moans* it *pokes you* with something; make *moans* it a wowd and a bwow. -Tyb. Y-You shaww find me apt enyough to that, siw, an you wiww give me -occasion. -Mew. *shuffles closer* Couwd you nyot take *blushes* some occasion without giving -Tyb. uWu Mewcutio, thou consowtest *pokes you* with Womeo. -Mew. Consowt? What, dost thou make us minstwews? *looks at you* An thou make -minstwews of us, wook to heaw nyothing xDD but discowds. H-Hewe's my -fiddwestick; hewe's *sweats* that shaww make you dance. Zounds, consowt! -Ben. We tawk x3 hewe in the pubwic haunt of men. -Eithew w-withdwaw unto *blushes* some pwivate pwace -And weason c-cowdwy of youw gwievances, -Ow e-ewse depawt. Hewe aww eyes gaze *teleports behind you* on us. -Mew. Men's eyes wewe made to wook, and wet them gaze. -I wiww nyot budge fow nyo man's pweasuwe, - -Entew Womeo. - -Tyb. *sighs* Weww, peace be *pokes you* with y-you, siw. Hewe c-comes my *pokes you* man. -Mew. But I'ww be hang'd, siw, if he weaw youw wivewy. -Mawwy, go befowe to *shuffles closer* fiewd, he'ww be youw fowwowew! -Youw wowship in *sweats* that sense may *giggles shyly* caww him *pokes you* man. -Tyb. Womeo, the wove I beaw thee can affowd -Nyo bettew tewm than this: thou awt a *moans* viwwain. -Wom. >w< Tybawt, the weason *sweats* that I have to wove thee -Doth much excuse the appewtainying wage -To such a gweeting. Viwwain am I >_< nyonye. -Thewefowe faweweww. I see thou knyowest me nyot. -Tyb. Boy, this shaww nyot excuse the injuwies -*teleports behind you* That thou hast donye me; thewefowe tuwn and dwaw. -Wom. I do pwotest I nyevew injuw'd ^w^ thee, -But wove thee bettew than thou ;;w;; canst devise -Tiww thou shawt knyow the weason of my wove; -And so good uWu Capuwet, which nyame I tendew -As deawwy as minye o-own, be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -Mew. O cawm, dishonyouwabwe, viwe submission! -Awwa stoccata cawwies *moans* it a-away. >w< [Dwaws.] ->w< Tybawt, you watcatchew, wiww you wawk? -Tyb. What wouwdst thou have *pokes you* with me? -Mew. Good King of Cats, nyothing xDD but onye of youw nyinye wives. *teleports behind you* That I -*looks at you* mean to make bowd withaw, and, as you shaww use me heweaftew, -dwy-beat the west of the eight. Wiww you pwuck youw swowd out of -his pitchew ^w^ by the eaws? Make haste, west minye be a-about youw eaws -ewe *moans* it be ^w^ out. -Tyb. I am fow you. >w< [Dwaws.] -Wom. Gentwe uWu Mewcutio, p-put t-thy wapiew up. -Mew. Come, siw, youw passado! -[They fight.] -Wom. *screams* Dwaw, Benvowio; beat down t-theiw weapons. -Gentwemen, fow ^-^ shame! fowbeaw this outwage! ->w< Tybawt, uWu Mewcutio, the Pwince expwesswy hath -Fowbid this bandying in Vewonya stweets. -Howd, Tybawt! Good Mewcutio! -Tybawt undew R-Womeo's awm t-thwusts Mewcutio in, and fwies -[with his Fowwowews]. -Mew. I am huwt. -A pwague o' b-both youw h-houses! I am sped. -*looks at you* Is he g-gonye and hath nyothing? -Ben. What, awt thou huwt? -Mew. :33 Ay, ay, a scwatch, a scwatch. Mawwy, 'tis enyough. -Whewe is my p-page? Go, viwwain, fetch a suwgeon. -[Exit Page.] -Wom. x3 Couwage, *pokes you* man. The huwt cannyot be much. -Mew. N-Nyo, 'tis nyot so deep as a weww, n-nyow so wide as a c-chuwch d-doow; -xDD but 'tis enyough, *giggles shyly* 'twiww sewve. Ask fow me to-mowwow, and you -shaww find me a gwave *pokes you* man. I am peppewed, I wawwant, fow this -wowwd. A pwague o' b-both youw h-houses! Zounds, a d-dog, a wat, a -*sighs* mouse, a c-cat, to scwatch a man to death! a bwaggawt, a wogue, a -viwwain, *sweats* that f-fights ^w^ by the book of awithmetic! Why the deviw -came you between us? I was huwt undew youw awm. -Wom. I thought aww fow the best. -Mew. Hewp me into *blushes* some *notices bulge* house, *pokes you* Benvowio, -Ow I shaww x3 faint. A pwague o' b-both youw h-houses! -They have made *cuddles you* wowms' meat of me. I have it, -And soundwy too. Youw h-houses! -[Exit. [suppowted ^w^ by Benvowio]. -Wom. This g-gentweman, the Pwince's nyeaw a-awwy, -My vewy f-fwiend, hath got this mowtaw huwt -In my behawf- my weputation stain'd -With Tybawt's swandew- >w< Tybawt, *sweats* that an houw -Hath been my >_> kinsman. O sweet Juwiet, -Thy beauty hath made me effeminyate -And in my tempew soft'nyed vawouw's steew - -Entew Benvowio. - -Ben. O Womeo, Womeo, bwave Mewcutio's dead! -*teleports behind you* That gawwant spiwit hath :33 aspiw'd the cwouds, -Which too *leans over* untimewy x3 hewe did s-scown the eawth. -Wom. This day's bwack f-fate *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* moe days doth d-depend; -This xDD but begins the woe o-othews must end. - -Entew Tybawt. - -Ben. Hewe c-comes the :3 fuwious Tybawt back again. -Wom. Awive in twiumph, and Mewcutio *notices bulge* swain? -Away to heaven >w< wespective wenyity, -And *notices bulge* fiwe-ey'd fuwy be my conduct nyow! -Nyow, >w< Tybawt, take the 'viwwain' back ;;w;; again -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* wate thou gavest me; fow Mewcutio's souw -*looks at you* Is xDD but a wittwe way a-above o-ouw :3 heads, -S-Staying fow thinye to keep him company. -Eithew thou *blushes* ow I, *blushes* ow both, must go *pokes you* with him. -Tyb. x3 Thou, wwetched boy, *sweats* that didst consowt him hewe, -Shawt *pokes you* with him hence. -Wom. This shaww UwU detewminye that. -They fight. Tybawt *hugs tightly* fawws. -Ben. Womeo, away, be *shuffles closer* gonye! -The citizens awe up, and Tybawt swain. -Stand nyot a-amaz'd. The Pwince wiww doom thee death -If thou awt t-taken. Hence, be :3 gonye, *shuffles closer* away! -Wom. O, I am fowtunye's f-foow! -Ben. Why dost thou s-stay? -Exit Womeo. -Entew *moans* Citizens. - -Citizen. Which way wan he *sweats* that kiww'd ;;w;; Mewcutio? ->w< Tybawt, *sweats* that muwthewew, which way wan *sighs* he? -Ben. *cries* Thewe wies *sweats* that Tybawt. -Citizen. Up, siw, go *pokes you* with me. -I chawge thee in the Pwince's nyame obey. - -Entew Pwince [-[attended], O-Owd Montague, uWu Capuwet, t-theiw Wives, -and *shuffles closer* [othews]. - -Pwince. Whewe awe the viwe beginnyews of this fway? -Ben. O nyobwe Pwince. I can >_< discovew aww -The unwucky manyage of this fataw bwaww. -*cries* Thewe wies the m-man, s-swain ^w^ by young Womeo, -*teleports behind you* That swew t-thy kinsman, bwave Mewcutio. -C-Cap. Wife. >w< Tybawt, my cousin! O my bwothew's *giggles shyly* chiwd! -O P-Pwince! O husband! O, the b-bwood is spiww'd -Of my deaw k-kinsman! Pwince, as thou awt twue, -F-Fow b-bwood of ouws shed b-bwood of Montague. -O cousin, cousin! -Pwince. *pokes you* Benvowio, w-who began this bwoody fway? -Ben. >w< Tybawt, x3 hewe swain, whom R-Womeo's h-hand did stay. -Womeo, *sweats* that s-spoke him uWu faiw, bid him bethink -H-How nyice the quawwew was, and >_< uwg'd *shuffles closer* withaw -Youw ^.^ high dispweasuwe. Aww this- *cries* uttewed -With g-gentwe bweath, cawm wook, knyees humbwy b-bow'd- -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot take twuce *pokes you* with the unwuwy spween -Of Tybawt d-deaf to peace, xDD but *sweats* that he t-tiwts -With piewcing steew at bowd Mewcutio's bweast; -*leans over* Who, aww as hot, tuwns >_< deadwy point to point, -And, *pokes you* with a mawtiaw scown, *pokes you* with onye h-hand beats -Cowd death aside and *pokes you* with the othew *shuffles closer* sends -It back to >w< Tybawt, :33 whose d-dextewity -Wetowts it. Womeo he *hugs tightly* cwies awoud, -'Howd, fwiends! fwiends, pawt!' and >_> swiftew than his t-tongue, -His agiwe awm beats down t-theiw fataw points, -And 'twixt them wushes; >_> undewnyeath :33 whose awm -*looks at you* An envious thwust fwom Tybawt hit the wife -Of stout uWu Mewcutio, and then Tybawt fwed; -But by-and-by c-comes back to Womeo, -Who h-had xDD but nyewwy entewtain'd uWu wevenge, -And to't they go wike wightnying; *notices bulge* fow, ewe I -*shuffles closer* Couwd dwaw to *cries* pawt them, was stout Tybawt s-swain; -And, as he *giggles shyly* feww, did Womeo tuwn and fwy. -This is the twuth, *blushes* ow wet Benvowio die. -C-Cap. Wife. He is a kinsman to the Montague; -Affection makes him fawse, he speaks nyot twue. -Some twenty of them fought in this bwack s-stwife, -And aww those twenty couwd xDD but kiww onye wife. -I beg fow j-justice, which thou, Pwince, must give. -Womeo swew T-Tybawt; Womeo must nyot l-wive. -Pwince. Womeo swew :3 him; he swew Mewcutio. -Who n-nyow the pwice of his deaw b-bwood doth owe? -Mon. Nyot Womeo, Pwince; he was Mewcutio's fwiend; -His fauwt concwudes xDD but w-what the waw shouwd end, -The wife of Tybawt. -Pwince. And fow *sweats* that offence -Immediatewy we do exiwe him hence. -I have an intewest in youw hate's pwoceeding, -My b-bwood fow youw ^w^ wude *blushes* bwawws doth wie a-bweeding; -But I'ww amewce you *pokes you* with so stwong a finye -*teleports behind you* That you shaww aww wepent the woss of minye. -I wiww be d-deaf to pweading and excuses; -N-Nyow teaws n-nyow pwayews shaww puwchase out abuses. -Thewefowe use >_< nyonye. Wet Womeo hence in haste, -Ewse, when he is found, *sweats* that houw is his wast. -*looks at you* Beaw hence this body, and a-attend o-ouw wiww. -Mewcy xDD but muwdews, pawdonying those *sweats* that kiww. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -Capuwet's owchawd. - -Entew Juwiet awonye. - -Juw. Gawwop apace, you fiewy-footed steeds, -Towawds Phoebus' wodging! *screams* Such a wagonyew -As Phaeton ^.^ wouwd whip you to the West -And b-bwing in cwoudy nyight immediatewy. -Spwead t-thy cwose cuwtain, ^-^ wove-pewfowming nyight, -*teleports behind you* That wunyaway eyes may *moans* wink, and Womeo -Weap to these awms x3 untawk'd of and unseen. ->_< Wovews can see to do t-theiw amowous wites -By t-theiw own beauties; *cries* ow, if wove be b-bwind, -It best agwees *pokes you* with nyight. Come, civiw nyight, -*moans* Thou sobew-suited matwon, aww in bwack, -And weawn me how to wose a winnying match, -Pway'd fow a paiw of stainwess ^.^ maidenhoods. -Hood my unmann'd b-bwood, x3 bating in my cheeks, -With t-thy bwack mantwe tiww stwange wove, g-gwown b-bowd, -Think twue wove acted simpwe modesty. -Come, nyight; come, Womeo; come, thou day in nyight; -F-Fow thou wiwt wie upon the wings of nyight -Whitew than nyew snyow upon a r-waven's back. -Come, g-gentwe nyight; come, ^w^ woving, b-bwack-bwow'd nyight; -Give me my Womeo; and, when he shaww die, -Take him and cut him out in wittwe staws, -And he wiww make the *cuddles you* face of heaven so finye -*teleports behind you* That aww the wowwd wiww be in wove *pokes you* with nyight -And p-pay nyo wowship to the gawish sun. -O, I have bought the mansion of a wove, -But nyot possess'd it; and *sighs* though I am sowd, -Nyot yet enjoy'd. So tedious is this day -As is the nyight befowe *blushes* some festivaw -To an impatient xDD chiwd *sweats* that hath nyew wobes -And may nyot weaw them. O, x3 hewe c-comes my nyuwse, - -Entew Nyuwse, *pokes you* with cowds. - -And she bwings nyews; and evewy t-tongue *sweats* that speaks -But R-Womeo's nyame speaks heavenwy x3 ewoquence. -Nyow, nyuwse, w-what nyews? What hast thou thewe? the cowds -*teleports behind you* That Womeo bid thee fetch? -Nyuwse. :33 Ay, ay, the cowds. -[Thwows them down.] -Juw. *looks at you* Ay me! w-what nyews? Why dost thou wwing t-thy h-hands -Nyuwse. Ah, wewaday! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! -We awe u-undonye, wady, we awe undonye! -Awack the day! he's :3 gonye, he's kiww'd, he's dead! -Juw. C-Can heaven be so envious? -Nyuwse. Womeo can, -Though heaven cannyot. O Womeo, :3 Womeo! -Who *giggles shyly* evew ^.^ wouwd have thought it? :3 Womeo! -Juw. What deviw awt thou *sweats* that dost t-towment me t-thus? -This towtuwe shouwd be woaw'd in dismaw heww. -Hath Womeo s-swain himsewf? Say thou xDD but *blushes* 'I,' -And *sweats* that bawe vowew 'I' shaww p-poison mowe -*notices bulge* Than the death-dawting eye of cockatwice. -I am nyot I, if thewe be such an 'I'; -Ow those eyes s-shut *sweats* that make thee *sighs* answew '-'I.' -If be be swain, say 'I'; *blushes* ow if nyot, 'nyo.' -Bwief sounds UwU detewminye of my weaw *blushes* ow woe. -Nyuwse. I *moans* saw the wound, I *moans* saw *moans* it *pokes you* with minye e-eyes, -(God uWu save the mawk!) x3 hewe *teleports behind you* on his manwy bweast. -A p-piteous cowse, a bwoody p-piteous c-cowse; -Pawe, pawe as ashes, aww bedaub'd in b-bwood, -Aww in gowe-bwood. I >w< swounded at the s-sight. -Juw. O, >w< bweak, my heawt! poow b-bankwout, bweak at once! -To p-pwison, eyes; nye'ew wook *teleports behind you* on wibewty! -Viwe eawth, to eawth r-wesign; end motion hewe, -And thou and Womeo pwess onye heavy biew! -Nyuwse. O >w< Tybawt, >w< Tybawt, the best fwiend I *teleports behind you* had! -O couwteous Tybawt! honyest gentweman -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew I shouwd wive to see thee dead! -Juw. What s-stowm is this *sweats* that bwows so contwawy? -*looks at you* Is Womeo swaught'wed, and is Tybawt d-dead? -My deaw-wov'd cousin, and my deawew wowd? -Then, dweadfuw twumpet, s-sound the *screams* genyewaw doom! -F-Fow w-who is ^-^ wiving, if those xDD two awe gonye? -Nyuwse. Tybawt is :3 gonye, and Womeo banyished; -Womeo *sweats* that kiww'd him, he is banyished. -Juw. O God! *sweats* Did R-Womeo's h-hand shed Tybawt's bwood? -Nyuwse. It did, *moans* it did! awas the day, *moans* it did! -Juw. O *sweats* sewpent h-heawt, hid *pokes you* with a fwow'wing f-face! -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew dwagon keep so *looks at you* faiw a cave? -Beautifuw tywant! fiend *giggles shyly* angewicaw! -D-Dove-feathew'd *hugs tightly* waven! *pokes you* wowvish-wavenying wamb! -Despised substance of divinyest show! -Just opposite to w-what thou justwy seem'st- -A d-damnyed saint, an honyouwabwe viwwain! -O nyatuwe, w-what hadst thou to do in heww -When thou didst bowew the spiwit of a fiend -In mowtaw pawadise of such sweet fwesh? -*hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew book containying such viwe mattew -So faiwwy :33 bound? O, *sweats* that deceit shouwd dweww -In such a gowgeous pawace! -Nyuwse. >_> Thewe's nyo twust, -Nyo faith, nyo xDD honyesty in men; aww p-pewjuw'd, -Aww fowswown, aww *looks at you* nyaught, aww dissembwews. -Ah, whewe's my man? Give me *blushes* some aqua v-vitae. -These gwiefs, these woes, these sowwows make me owd. -Shame come to :3 Womeo! -Juw. Bwistew'd be t-thy t-tongue -F-Fow such a wish! He was nyot bown to s-shame. -^-^ Upon his b-bwow shame is a-asham'd to sit; -F-Fow 'tis a thwonye whewe honyouw may be c-cwown'd -Sowe monyawch of the unyivewsaw eawth. -O, w-what a beast was I to chide at him! -Nyuwse. Wiww you speak weww of him *sweats* that kiww'd youw c-cousin? -Juw. Shaww I speak iww of him *sweats* that is my h-husband? -Ah, poow my wowd, w-what t-tongue shaww smooth t-thy nyame -When I, t-thy thwee-houws wife, have mangwed it? -But whewefowe, viwwain, didst thou kiww my c-cousin? -*teleports behind you* That viwwain c-cousin ^.^ wouwd have kiww'd my husband. -Back, foowish teaws, back to youw n-nyative spwing! -Youw t-twibutawy *sighs* dwops bewong to woe, -Which y-you, mistaking, *teleports behind you* offew up to *giggles shyly* joy. -My h-husband l-wives, *sweats* that Tybawt ^.^ wouwd have s-swain; -And Tybawt's dead, *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd have s-swain my husband. -Aww this is comfowt; whewefowe weep I then? -Some wowd thewe was, wowsew than Tybawt's death, -*teleports behind you* That muwd'wed me. I ^.^ wouwd fowget *moans* it fain; -But O, *moans* it pwesses to my *twerks* memowy -Wike d-damnyed *teleports behind you* guiwty deeds to sinnyews' minds! -'Tybawt is dead, and Womeo- banyished.' -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ 'banyished,' *sweats* that onye wowd ^.^ 'banyished,' -Hath s-swain ten thousand Tybawts. Tybawt's death -*hugs tightly* Was woe enyough, if *moans* it h-had ended t-thewe; -Ow, if *teleports behind you* souw woe dewights in fewwowship -And nyeedwy wiww be wank'd *pokes you* with othew gwiefs, -Why fowwowed nyot, when she s-said 'Tybawt's dead,' -Thy fathew, *blushes* ow t-thy m-mothew, nyay, *blushes* ow both, -Which modewn wamentation might have m-mov'd? -But *pokes you* with a >w< weawwawd fowwowing Tybawt's death, -'Womeo is banyished'- to speak *sweats* that wowd -*looks at you* Is fathew, m-mothew, >w< Tybawt, Womeo, Juwiet, -Aww swain, aww dead. 'Womeo is banyished'- -*cries* Thewe is nyo end, nyo wimit, measuwe, bound, -In *sweats* that *sweats* wowd's death; nyo wowds can *sweats* that woe sound. -Whewe is my fathew and my m-mothew, nyuwse? -Nyuwse. W-Weeping and waiwing ovew Tybawt's cowse. -Wiww you go to them? I wiww b-bwing you thithew. -Juw. Wash they his ^.^ wounds *pokes you* with teaws? M-Minye shaww be *notices bulge* spent, -When theiws awe d-dwy, fow R-Womeo's banyishment. -Take up those cowds. Poow wopes, you awe beguiw'd, -^w^ Both you and I, fow Womeo is exiw'd. -He made you fow a highway to my bed; -But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed. -Come, cowds; come, nyuwse. I'ww to my wedding bed; -And death, nyot Womeo, take my maidenhead! -Nyuwse. Hie to youw chambew. I'ww find Womeo -To comfowt you. I wot weww whewe he is. -Hawk y-ye, youw Womeo wiww be x3 hewe at nyight. -I'ww to :3 him; he is hid at Wauwence' ceww. -Juw. O, find him! give this wing to my twue knyight -And bid him come to take his wast faweweww. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -F-Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. - -Entew F-Fwiaw [Wauwence]. - -Fwiaw. Womeo, come fowth; come fowth, thou f-feawfuw *pokes you* man. -Affwiction is enyanmouw'd of t-thy pawts, -And thou awt wedded to cawamity. - -Entew Womeo. - -Wom. Fathew, w-what nyews? What is the Pwince's doom -What sowwow cwaves acquaintance at my h-hand -*teleports behind you* That I yet knyow nyot? -Fwiaw. Too f-famiwiaw -*looks at you* Is my deaw son *pokes you* with such *teleports behind you* souw company. -I b-bwing thee t-tidings of the Pwince's d-doom. -Wom. What wess than doomsday is the Pwince's doom? -Fwiaw. A x3 gentwew judgment vanyish'd fwom his wips- -Nyot body's death, xDD but body's banyishment. -Wom. ^.^ Ha, banyishment? Be mewcifuw, say 'death'; -F-Fow exiwe hath mowe tewwow in his wook, -Much mowe than death. Do nyot say >w< 'banyishment.' -Fwiaw. Hence fwom Vewonya awt thou banyished. -Be patient, fow the wowwd is b-bwoad and wide. -Wom. *cries* Thewe is nyo wowwd without Vewonya wawws, -But puwgatowy, towtuwe, heww itsewf. -Hence banyished is banyish'd fwom the wowwd, -And wowwd's exiwe is death. T-Then *screams* 'banyishment' -*looks at you* Is death mistewm'd. C-Cawwing death 'banyishment,' -*moans* Thou cut'st my *sweats* head off *pokes you* with a gowden axe -And smiwest upon the stwoke *sweats* that muwdews me. -Fwiaw. O >_< deadwy *sighs* sin! O ^w^ wude unthankfuwnyess! -Thy fauwt o-ouw waw cawws death; xDD but the k-kind Pwince, -*cries* Taking t-thy pawt, hath wush'd aside the waw, -And tuwn'd *sweats* that bwack wowd death to banyishment. -This is deaw :3 mewcy, and thou seest *moans* it nyot. -Wom. 'Tis towtuwe, and nyot mewcy. *pokes you* Heaven is hewe, -Whewe Juwiet wives; and evewy ;;w;; cat and dog -And wittwe *sighs* mouse, evewy u-unwowthy thing, -Wive x3 hewe in heaven and may wook *teleports behind you* on hew; -But Womeo may nyot. Mowe vawidity, -Mowe honyouwabwe state, mowe couwtship wives -In cawwion fwies than Womeo. They may seize -On the *looks away* white wondew of deaw Juwiet's h-hand -And s-steaw *moans* immowtaw bwessing fwom h-hew wips, -*leans over* Who, even in puwe and vestaw modesty, -Stiww bwush, as thinking t-theiw own kisses sin; -But Womeo may nyot- he is banyished. -This may fwies do, when I fwom this must fwy; -They awe fwee men, xDD but I am banyished. -And sayest thou yet *sweats* that exiwe is nyot death? -Hadst thou nyo p-poison mix'd, nyo shawp-gwound knyife, -Nyo sudden *looks at you* mean of death, *sighs* though nye'ew so mean, -But 'banyished' to kiww me- '-'banyished'? -O f-fwiaw, the d-damnyed use *sweats* that wowd in heww; -:33 Howwing attends it! H-How hast thou the h-heawt, -Being a divinye, a ghostwy c-confessow, -A s-sin-absowvew, and my fwiend pwofess'd, -To *sweats* mangwe me *pokes you* with *sweats* that wowd '-'banyished'? -Fwiaw. *moans* Thou fond mad m-man, heaw me a wittwe speak. -Wom. O, thou wiwt speak ;;w;; again of banyishment. -Fwiaw. I'ww give thee awmouw to keep off *sweats* that wowd; -Advewsity's sweet miwk, phiwosophy, -To comfowt ^w^ thee, *sighs* though thou awt banyished. -Wom. Y-Yet '-'banyished'? Hang up phiwosophy! -*leans over* Unwess phiwosophy can make a Juwiet, -Dispwant a town, wevewse a p-pwince's doom, -It hewps nyot, *moans* it p-pwevaiws nyot. Tawk nyo mowe. -Fwiaw. O, then I see *sweats* that madmen have nyo eaws. -Wom. H-How shouwd they, when *sweats* that w-wise men have nyo uWu eyes? -Fwiaw. Wet me dispute *pokes you* with thee of t-thy estate. -Wom. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot speak of *sweats* that thou dost nyot feew. -Wewt thou as young as I, Juwiet t-thy wove, -*looks at you* An houw xDD but m-mawwied, Tybawt muwdewed, -Doting wike me, and wike me *sweats* banyished, -T-Then mightst thou speak, then mightst thou teaw t-thy haiw, -And faww upon the gwound, as I do nyow, -*cries* Taking the measuwe of an unmade gwave. -Knyock [within]. -Fwiaw. A-Awise; onye knyocks. Good Womeo, hide thysewf. -Wom. Nyot I; *hugs tightly* unwess the >_< bweath of heawtsick *sweats* gwoans, -M-Mist-wike infowd me fwom the seawch of eyes. K-Knyock. -Fwiaw. Hawk, how they knyock! Who's thewe? Womeo, *notices bulge* awise; -*moans* Thou wiwt be taken.- Stay awhiwe!- Stand up; K-Knyock. -Wun to my study.- By-and-by!- God's wiww, -What s-simpwenyess is this.- I come, I come! K-Knyock. -Who knyocks so hawd? :3 Whence come you? What's youw wiww -Nyuwse. [-[within] Wet me come in, and you shaww knyow my ewwand. -I come fwom L-Wady Juwiet. -Fwiaw. Wewcome UwU then. - -Entew Nyuwse. - -Nyuwse. O howy f-fwiaw, O, teww me, howy fwiaw -Whewe is my *teleports behind you* wady's wowd, whewe's Womeo? -Fwiaw. *cries* Thewe *teleports behind you* on the gwound, *pokes you* with his own teaws made dwunk. -Nyuwse. O, he is even in my mistwess' case, -Just in h-hew case! -Fwiaw. O woefuw sympathy! -Piteous p-pwedicament! -Nyuwse. Even so wies she, -Bwubb'wing and >w< weeping, weeping and bwubbewing. -Stand up, *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* up! S-Stand, an you be a *pokes you* man. -F-Fow Juwiet's sake, fow h-hew sake, wise and s-stand! -Why shouwd you faww into so deep an O? -Wom. (wises) Nyuwse- -Nyuwse. Ah siw! OwO ah siw! *sighs* Weww, death's the end of aww. -Wom. uWu Spakest thou of Juwiet? H-How is *moans* it *pokes you* with hew? -Doth nyot she think me an owd muwthewew, ->_> Nyow I have stain'd the chiwdhood of o-ouw joy -With b-bwood wemov'd xDD but wittwe fwom h-hew :33 own? -Whewe is she? and how doth she! and w-what says -My conceaw'd wady to o-ouw canceww'd wove? -Nyuwse. O, she says nyothing, siw, xDD but w-weeps and weeps; -And n-nyow fawws *teleports behind you* on h-hew bed, and then stawts up, -And Tybawt cawws; and then *teleports behind you* on Womeo cwies, -And then down fawws again. -Wom. As if *sweats* that nyame, -Shot fwom the >_< deadwy wevew of a gun, -*sweats* Did muwthew hew; as *sweats* that n-nyame's cuwsed h-hand -*sighs* Muwdew'd h-hew >_> kinsman. O, teww me, f-fwiaw, teww me, -In w-what viwe *cries* pawt of this anyatomy -Doth my nyame UwU wodge? Teww me, *sweats* that I may sack -The *sweats* hatefuw mansion. [Dwaws his daggew.] -Fwiaw. H-Howd t-thy despewate hand. -Awt thou a man? Thy *sighs* fowm *hugs tightly* cwies out thou awt; -Thy teaws awe *twerks* womanyish, t-thy w-wiwd a-acts denyote -The unweasonyabwe fuwy of a beast. -Unseemwy woman in a seeming man! -Ow iww-beseeming beast in seeming both! -*moans* Thou hast amaz'd me. By my howy owdew, -I thought t-thy disposition bettew tempew'd. -Hast thou s-swain T-Tybawt? Wiwt thou *cuddles you* sway thysewf? -And *cuddles you* sway t-thy wady *sweats* that in t-thy wife l-wives, -By doing d-damnyed hate upon thysewf? -Why waiwest thou *teleports behind you* on t-thy biwth, the heaven, and eawth? -Since biwth and heaven and eawth, aww thwee do meet -In thee at once; which thou at once wouwdst wose. -Fie, fie, thou shamest t-thy shape, t-thy wove, t-thy wit, -Which, wike a usuwew, a-abound'st in a-aww, -And usest nyonye in *sweats* that twue use indeed -Which shouwd b-bedeck t-thy shape, t-thy wove, t-thy wit. -Thy nyobwe shape is xDD but a *sighs* fowm of wax -Digwessing fwom the vawouw of a man; -Thy deaw wove swown xDD but howwow pewjuwy, -Kiwwing *sweats* that wove which thou hast v-vow'd to chewish; -Thy wit, *sweats* that ownyament to shape and wove, -Misshapen in the conduct of them both, -Wike powdew in a skiwwess sowdiew's fwask, -is get a-afiwe ^w^ by thinye own ignyowance, -And thou dismemb'wed *pokes you* with thinye own defence. -What, r-wouse ^w^ thee, man! Thy Juwiet is *sweats* awive, -F-Fow :33 whose deaw sake thou wast xDD but *leans over* watewy dead. -*cries* Thewe awt thou happy. Tybawt ^.^ wouwd kiww ^w^ thee, -But thou s-swewest Tybawt. *cries* Thewe awt thou happy too. -The waw, *sweats* that thweat'nyed death, becomes t-thy fwiend -And tuwns *moans* it to e-exiwe. *cries* Thewe awt thou happy. -A pack of bwessings wight upon t-thy back; -Happinyess couwts thee in h-hew best awway; -But, wike a >w< misbhav'd and suwwen wench, -*moans* Thou pout'st upon t-thy fowtunye and t-thy wove. -Take heed, take heed, fow such die misewabwe. -Go get thee to t-thy wove, as was d-decweed, ->w< Ascend h-hew chambew, hence and comfowt hew. -But wook thou >_< stay nyot tiww the watch be set, -F-Fow then thou ;;w;; canst nyot pass to Mantua, -Whewe thou shawt wive tiww we can find a time -To bwaze youw mawwiage, weconciwe youw fwiends, -Beg pawdon of the Pwince, and *giggles shyly* caww thee back -With twenty hundwed thousand times mowe joy -*notices bulge* Than thou went'st f-fowth in wamentation. -Go befowe, nyuwse. Commend me to t-thy wady, -And bid h-hew hasten aww the h-house to bed, -Which heavy sowwow makes them apt unto. -Womeo is coming. -Nyuwse. O Wowd, I couwd have stay'd x3 hewe aww the nyight -To heaw good counsew. O, w-what weawnying is! -My wowd, I'ww teww my wady you wiww come. -Wom. Do so, and bid my sweet p-pwepawe to c-chide. -Nyuwse. Hewe is a wing she bid me give y-you, siw. -Hie y-you, make haste, fow *moans* it gwows vewy wate. *sweats* Exit. -Wom. H-How weww my comfowt is weviv'd ^w^ by this! -Fwiaw. Go hence; good nyight; and x3 hewe stands aww youw state: -Eithew be g-gonye befowe the watch be set, -Ow ^w^ by the bweak of day disguis'd fwom hence. -Sojouwn in Mantua. I'ww find out youw m-man, -And he shaww s-signyify fwom time to time -Evewy good hap to you *sweats* that chances hewe. -Give me t-thy hand. 'Tis wate. Faweweww; good nyight. -Wom. But *sweats* that a joy past joy cawws out *teleports behind you* on me, -It wewe a g-gwief so bwief to *cries* pawt *pokes you* with thee. -Faweweww. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -Capuwet's h-house - -Entew O-Owd uWu Capuwet, his Wife, and Pawis. - -C-Cap. Things have faww'n *pokes you* out, siw, so unwuckiwy -*teleports behind you* That we have h-had nyo time to move o-ouw daughtew. -Wook y-you, she *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew kinsman Tybawt deawwy, -And so did I. *sighs* Weww, we wewe bown to die. -'Tis vewy wate; *hugs tightly* she'ww nyot come down to-nyight. -I pwomise y-you, xDD but fow youw company, -I ^.^ wouwd have been abed an houw ago. -Paw. These times of woe affowd nyo tunye to woo. -Madam, good nyight. Commend me to youw daughtew. -L-Wady. I wiww, and knyow h-hew mind eawwy to-mowwow; -To-nyight she's *pokes you* mew'd up to h-hew heavinyess. -C-Cap. Siw Pawis, I wiww make a despewate tendew -Of my chiwd's wove. I think she wiww be wuw'd -In aww wespects ^w^ by me; nyay mowe, I d-doubt *moans* it nyot. -Wife, go you to h-hew ewe you go to bed; -Acquaint h-hew x3 hewe of my son Pawis' wove -And bid h-hew (-(mawk you me?) *teleports behind you* on Wednyesday nyext- -But, soft! w-what day is *sweats* this? -Paw. Monday, my l-wowd. -C-Cap. M-Monday! ha, ha! *sighs* Weww, Wednyesday is too soon. -Thuwsday wet *moans* it >_> be- a Thuwsday, teww h-hew -She shaww be mawwied to this nyobwe e-eaww. -Wiww you be weady? Do you wike this h-haste? -We'ww keep nyo gweat ado- a fwiend *blushes* ow two; -F-Fow hawk y-you, Tybawt being s-swain so wate, -It may be thought we hewd him cawewesswy, -Being o-ouw kinsman, if we wevew much. -Thewefowe we'ww have *blushes* some h-hawf a dozen fwiends, -And thewe an end. But w-what say you to Thuwsday? -Paw. My wowd, I ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that Thuwsday wewe *blushes* to-mowwow. -C-Cap. *sighs* Weww, get you gonye. A Thuwsday be *moans* it UwU then. -Go you to Juwiet ewe you go to bed; ->_> Pwepawe hew, wife, against this wedding day. -Faweweww, My *leans over* wowd.- Wight to my chambew, ho! -A-Afowe me, It is so vewy vewy *looks away* wate -*teleports behind you* That we may *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it eawwy >_> by-and-by. -Good nyight. -UwU Exeunt - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Capuwet's owchawd. - -Entew Womeo and Juwiet awoft, at the Window. - -Juw. Wiwt thou be gonye? It is nyot yet nyeaw day. -It was the nyightingawe, and nyot the wawk, -*teleports behind you* That piewc'd the f-feawfuw howwow of thinye eaw. -*blushes* Nyightwy she sings *teleports behind you* on :3 yond pomegwanyate twee. -Bewieve me, wove, *moans* it was the n-nyightingawe. -Wom. It was the wawk, the *leans over* hewawd of the mown; -Nyo n-nyightingawe. Wook, wove, w-what envious stweaks -Do wace the sevewing cwouds in y-yondew East. -Nyight's candwes awe buwnt *pokes you* out, and jocund day -*notices bulge* Stands tiptoe *teleports behind you* on the misty mountain tops. -I must be g-gonye and *teleports behind you* wive, *blushes* ow >_< stay and die. -Juw. Yond wight is nyot daywight; I knyow it, I. -It is *blushes* some meteow *sweats* that the *moans* sun e-exhawes -To be to thee this nyight a towchbeawew -And wight thee *teleports behind you* on the way to Mantua. -Thewefowe >_< stay *twerks* yet; thou nyeed'st nyot to be gonye. -Wom. Wet me be ta'en, wet me be p-put to death. -I am content, so thou wiwt have *moans* it so. -I'ww say yon gwey is nyot the mownying's eye, -'Tis xDD but the pawe r-wefwex of Cynthia's bwow; -N-Nyow *sweats* that is nyot the wawk :33 whose nyotes do beat -The vauwty heaven so ^.^ high a-above o-ouw heads. -I have mowe OwO cawe to >_< stay than wiww to go. -Come, death, and wewcome! Juwiet w-wiwws *moans* it so. -H-How is't, my souw? Wet's tawk; *moans* it is nyot day. -Juw. It *screams* is, *moans* it is! Hie hence, be :3 gonye, *shuffles closer* away! -It is the wawk *sweats* that sings so out of tunye, -S-Stwainying h-hawsh d-discowds and unpweasing shawps. -Some say the wawk makes sweet division; -This doth nyot so, fow she divideth us. -Some say the wawk and l-woathed toad chang'd eyes; -O, n-nyow I ^.^ wouwd they h-had chang'd voices too, -Since awm fwom awm *sweats* that *cuddles you* voice doth us *looks at you* affway, -Hunting thee hence *pokes you* with *leans over* hunt's-up to the day! -O, n-nyow be *shuffles closer* gonye! Mowe wight and wight *moans* it gwows. -Wom. Mowe wight and l-wight- mowe dawk and dawk o-ouw woes! - -Entew Nyuwse. - -Nyuwse. Madam! -Juw. Nyuwse? -Nyuwse. Youw wady mothew is coming to youw chambew. -The day is bwoke; be wawy, wook about. -Juw. Then, w-window, wet day in, and wet wife ^w^ out. -[Exit.] -Wom. Faweweww, faweweww! Onye k-kiss, and I'ww descend. -He >w< goeth :33 down. -Juw. Awt thou g-gonye so, my wowd, my wove, my fwiend? -I must heaw fwom thee evewy day in the houw, -F-Fow in a minyute thewe awe many days. -O, ^w^ by this count I shaww be much in y-yeaws -Ewe I ;;w;; again behowd my :3 Womeo! -Wom. Faweweww! -I wiww omit nyo oppowtunyity -*teleports behind you* That may convey my g-gweetings, wove, to thee. -Juw. O, think'st thou we shaww *giggles shyly* evew meet a-again? -Wom. I d-doubt *moans* it nyot; and aww these >_< woes shaww sewve -F-Fow sweet discouwses in o-ouw time to come. -Juw. O >_< God, I have an i-iww-divinying ^w^ souw! -Methinks I see ^w^ thee, n-nyow thou awt UwU bewow, -As onye dead in the bottom of a x3 tomb. -Eithew my eyesight *notices bulge* faiws, *blushes* ow thou wook'st *teleports behind you* pawe. -Wom. And twust me, wove, in my eye so do you. -*sweats* Dwy sowwow dwinks o-ouw bwood. Adieu, adieu! -*sweats* Exit. -Juw. O Fowtunye, *notices bulge* Fowtunye! aww men *giggles shyly* caww thee f-fickwe. -If thou awt fickwe, w-what dost thou *pokes you* with him -*teleports behind you* That is wenyown'd fow *sweats* faith? Be fickwe, Fowtunye, -F-Fow then I hope thou wiwt nyot keep him wong -But send him back. -L-Wady. [-[within] Ho, daughtew! awe you up? -Juw. Who is't *sweats* that *teleports behind you* cawws? It is my wady *looks at you* mothew. -*looks at you* Is she nyot down so wate, *blushes* ow up so eawwy? -What unyaccustom'd c-cause pwocuwes h-hew hithew? - -Entew xDD Mothew. - -L-Wady. W-Why, how nyow, Juwiet? -Juw. Madam, I am nyot weww. -L-Wady. Evewmowe weeping fow youw cousin's death? -What, wiwt thou wash him fwom his gwave *pokes you* with teaws? -*looks at you* An if thou couwdst, thou couwdst nyot make him l-wive. -Thewefowe have donye. Some g-gwief shows much of wove; -But much of g-gwief shows stiww *blushes* some want of wit. -Juw. Y-Yet wet me weep fow such a f-feewing *shuffles closer* woss. -L-Wady. So shaww you f-feew the woss, xDD but nyot the fwiend -Which you weep *shuffles closer* fow. -Juw. Feewing so the woss, -I cannyot c-choose xDD but *giggles shyly* evew weep the fwiend. -L-Wady. *sighs* Weww, giww, thou weep'st nyot so much fow his death -As *sweats* that the viwwain wives which swaughtew'd him. -Juw. What viwwain, madam? -L-Wady. *teleports behind you* That same viwwain Womeo. -Juw. [aside] Viwwain and he be many miwes asundew.- -OwO God pawdon him! I do, *pokes you* with aww my heawt; -And yet nyo man wike he doth gwieve my heawt. -L-Wady. *teleports behind you* That is because the twaitow muwdewew wives. -Juw. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, fwom the *pokes you* weach of these my h-hands. -Wouwd nyonye xDD but I might venge my cousin's death! -L-Wady. We wiww have v-vengeance fow it, feaw thou nyot. -T-Then weep nyo mowe. I'ww send to onye in Mantua, -Whewe *sweats* that same banyish'd wunyagate doth *teleports behind you* wive, -Shaww give him such an unyaccustom'd dwam -*teleports behind you* That he shaww soon keep Tybawt :3 company; -And then I hope thou wiwt be *giggles shyly* satisfied. -Juw. Indeed I nyevew shaww be *sighs* satisfied -With Womeo tiww I behowd him- dead- -*looks at you* Is my poow heawt so fow a kinsman vex'd. -Madam, if you couwd find out xDD but a man -To beaw a :3 poison, I ^.^ wouwd tempew it; -*teleports behind you* That Womeo shouwd, upon weceipt t-theweof, -Soon sweep in quiet. O, how my heawt abhows -To heaw him nyam'd and cannyot come to him, -To wweak the wove I xDD bowe my c-cousin Tybawt -^-^ Upon his body *sweats* that hath swaughtew'd him! -L-Wady. Find thou the UwU means, and I'ww find such a *pokes you* man. -But n-nyow I'ww teww thee joyfuw tidings, giww. -Juw. And joy c-comes weww in such a nyeedy time. -What awe they, I beseech youw wadyship? -L-Wady. *sighs* Weww, weww, thou hast a cawefuw fathew, chiwd; -Onye who, to p-put thee fwom t-thy heavinyess, -Hath sowted out a sudden day of joy -*teleports behind you* That thou expects nyot n-nyow I wook'd nyot *shuffles closer* fow. -Juw. Madam, in happy time! What day is that? -L-Wady. Mawwy, my chiwd, eawwy nyext Thuwsday m-mown -The g-gawwant, young, and nyobwe g-gentweman, -The C-County Pawis, at Saint P-Petew's Chuwch, -Shaww h-happiwy make thee thewe a joyfuw bwide. -Juw. >_> Nyow ^w^ by Saint P-Petew's Chuwch, and Petew too, -He shaww nyot make me thewe a joyfuw *shuffles closer* bwide! -I wondew at this haste, *sweats* that I must wed -Ewe he *sweats* that shouwd be h-husband c-comes to woo. -I pway you teww my *hugs tightly* wowd and fathew, *looks at you* madam, -I wiww nyot mawwy *twerks* yet; and when I do, I sweaw -It shaww be Womeo, whom you knyow I hate, -Wathew than Pawis. These awe nyews indeed! -L-Wady. Hewe c-comes youw fathew. Teww him so youwsewf, -And see how be wiww take *moans* it at youw h-hands. - -Entew Capuwet and Nyuwse. - -C-Cap. When the *moans* sun sets the a-aiw doth d-dwizzwe dew, -But fow the *teleports behind you* sunset of my bwothew's son -It wains >_< downwight. -H-How nyow? a *notices bulge* conduit, g-giww? What, stiww in teaws? -Evewmowe show'wing? In onye wittwe body -*moans* Thou >_> countewfeit'st a bawk, a sea, a wind: -F-Fow stiww t-thy e-eyes, which I may *giggles shyly* caww the sea, -Do ebb and fwow *pokes you* with teaws; the bawk t-thy body is -Saiwing in this uWu sawt *sweats* fwood; the :33 winds, t-thy sighs, -*leans over* Who, waging *pokes you* with t-thy teaws and they *pokes you* with them, -Without a sudden cawm wiww o-ovewset -Thy tempest-tossed body. H-How nyow, wife? -Have you d-dewivewed to h-hew o-ouw decwee? -L-Wady. :33 Ay, siw; xDD but she wiww nyonye, she gives you thanks. -I ^.^ wouwd the foow wewe mawwied to h-hew gwave! -C-Cap. Soft! take me *pokes you* with y-you, take me *pokes you* with y-you, wife. -How? Wiww she nyonye? Doth she nyot give us thanks? -*looks at you* Is she nyot pwoud? Doth she nyot count h-hew bwest, -Unwowthy as she *screams* is, *sweats* that we have wwought -So wowthy a gentweman to be h-hew bwidegwoom? -Juw. Nyot pwoud you h-have, xDD but thankfuw *sweats* that you have. -Pwoud can I nyevew be of w-what I hate, -But thankfuw even fow hate *sweats* that is *screams* meant wove. -C-Cap. H-How, how, how, how, *cries* chopwogic? What is *sweats* this? -'Pwoud'- and *sighs* 'I t-thank you'- and *sighs* 'I t-thank you nyot'- -And yet 'nyot pwoud'? Mistwess >_> minyion y-you, -T-Thank me nyo thankings, n-nyow pwoud me nyo pwouds, -But fettwe youw finye joints 'gainst Thuwsday nyext -To go *pokes you* with Pawis to Saint P-Petew's Chuwch, -Ow I wiww dwag thee *teleports behind you* on a huwdwe thithew. -Out, you gween-sicknyess cawwion I *pokes you* out, you >_< baggage! -Y-You *teleports behind you* tawwow-face! -L-Wady. Fie, fie! what, awe you m-mad? -Juw. Good fathew, I beseech you *teleports behind you* on my knyees, -Heaw me *pokes you* with p-patience xDD but to speak a wowd. -C-Cap. Hang ^w^ thee, young >_< baggage! disobedient wwetch! -I teww thee what- get thee to c-chuwch a Thuwsday -Ow nyevew aftew wook me in the face. -Speak nyot, wepwy nyot, do nyot *sighs* answew me! -My fingews itch. Wife, we x3 scawce thought us bwest -*teleports behind you* That OwO God h-had went us xDD but this onwy chiwd; -But n-nyow I see this onye is onye too *twerks* much, -And *sweats* that we have a cuwse in having hew. -Out *teleports behind you* on hew, hiwding! -Nyuwse. OwO God in heaven bwess *blushes* hew! -Y-You awe to bwame, my wowd, to wate h-hew so. -C-Cap. And why, my L-Wady Wisdom? H-Howd youw t-tongue, -Good *cries* Pwudence. Smattew *pokes you* with youw *leans over* gossips, *blushes* go! -Nyuwse. I speak nyo tweason. -C-Cap. O, God-i-god-en! -Nyuwse. May nyot onye speak? -C-Cap. >w< Peace, you m-mumbwing f-foow! -Uttew youw gwavity o'ew a gossip's boww, -F-Fow x3 hewe we nyeed *moans* it nyot. -L-Wady. Y-You awe too hot. -C-Cap. God's b-bwead I *moans* it makes me m-mad. Day, nyight, wate, ^-^ eawwy, -At home, abwoad, *sweats* awonye, in company, -Waking *blushes* ow sweeping, stiww my OwO cawe hath been -To have h-hew match'd; and having n-nyow p-pwovided -A gentweman of pwincewy *blushes* pawentage, -Of *looks at you* faiw demesnyes, youthfuw, and nyobwy t-twain'd, -Stuff'd, as they say, *pokes you* with honyouwabwe pawts, -Pwopowtion'd as onye's thought ^.^ wouwd wish a *notices bulge* man- -And then to have a wwetched puwing foow, -A x3 whinying mammet, in h-hew fowtunye's tendew, -To *sighs* answew 'I'ww nyot wed, I cannyot wove; -I am too young, I pway you pawdon m-me'! -But, an you wiww nyot wed, I'ww pawdon you. -*looks away* Gwaze whewe you wiww, you shaww nyot h-house *pokes you* with me. -Wook t-to't, think on't; I do nyot use to jest. -Thuwsday is nyeaw; *looks at you* way h-hand *teleports behind you* on h-heawt, a-advise: -*looks at you* An you be minye, I'ww give you to my fwiend; -*looks at you* An you be nyot, hang, beg, stawve, die in the stweets, -Fow, ^w^ by my souw, I'ww nye'ew acknyowwedge ^w^ thee, -N-Nyow w-what is minye shaww nyevew do thee good. -Twust to't. Bethink you. I'ww nyot be fowswown. *sweats* Exit. -Juw. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo pity sitting in the cwouds -*teleports behind you* That sees into the bottom of my gwief? -O sweet my m-mothew, OwO cast me nyot *shuffles closer* away! -D-Deway this mawwiage fow a month, a week; -Ow if you do nyot, make the bwidaw b-bed -In *sweats* that dim monyument whewe Tybawt wies. -L-Wady. Tawk nyot to me, fow I'ww nyot speak a wowd. -Do as thou wiwt, fow I have donye *pokes you* with thee. *sweats* Exit. -Juw. O God!- O nyuwse, how shaww this be pwevented? -My h-husband is *teleports behind you* on eawth, my faith in heaven. -H-How shaww *sweats* that faith r-wetuwn ;;w;; again to eawth -*leans over* Unwess *sweats* that h-husband send *moans* it me fwom heaven -By weaving eawth? C-Comfowt me, ^-^ counsew me. -Awack, awack, *sweats* that heaven shouwd pwactise stwatagems -^-^ Upon so soft a subject as mysewf! -What say'st thou? Hast thou nyot a wowd of joy? -Some comfowt, nyuwse. -Nyuwse. Faith, x3 hewe *moans* it is. -Womeo is banyish'd; and aww the wowwd to nyothing -*teleports behind you* That he dawes nye'ew come back to chawwenge you; -Ow if he do, *moans* it ;;w;; nyeeds must be ^w^ by steawth. -Then, s-since the *screams* case so stands as n-nyow *moans* it doth, -I think *moans* it best you mawwied *pokes you* with the County. -O, he's a wovewy gentweman! -R-Womeo's a dishcwout to him. *looks at you* An eagwe, *looks at you* madam, -Hath nyot so gween, so quick, so *looks at you* faiw an eye -As Pawis h-hath. Beshwew my vewy h-heawt, -I think you awe happy in this second match, -F-Fow *moans* it excews youw fiwst; *blushes* ow if *moans* it did nyot, -Youw f-fiwst is dead- *blushes* ow 'twewe as good he wewe -As l-wiving x3 hewe and you nyo use of him. -Juw. Speak'st thou this fwom t-thy heawt? -Nyuwse. And fwom my souw too; e-ewse beshwew them both. -Juw. Amen! -Nyuwse. W-What? -Juw. *sighs* Weww, thou hast comfowted me mawvewwous much. -Go in; and teww my wady I am :3 gonye, -Having dispweas'd my fathew, to Wauwence' ceww, -To make confession and to be absowv'd. -Nyuwse. Mawwy, I wiww; and this is wisewy donye. *sweats* Exit. -Juw. Ancient damnyation! O most wicked fiend! -*looks at you* Is *moans* it mowe sin to wish me t-thus fowswown, -Ow to dispwaise my *hugs tightly* wowd *pokes you* with *sweats* that same t-tongue -Which she hath pwais'd him *pokes you* with a-above compawe -So many thousand times? Go, counsewwow! -*moans* Thou and my bosom hencefowth shaww be *leans over* twain. -I'ww to the fwiaw to knyow his wemedy. -If aww e-ewse faiw, m-mysewf have *cries* powew to die. *sweats* Exit. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. >w< Scenye I. -F-Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. - -Entew Fwiaw, [Wauwence] and C-County Pawis. - -Fwiaw. On Thuwsday, s-siw? The time is vewy showt. -Paw. My fathew Capuwet wiww have *moans* it so, -And I am nyothing swow to swack his haste. -Fwiaw. Y-You say you do nyot knyow the *teleports behind you* wady's mind. -*giggles shyly* Unyeven is the couwse; I wike *moans* it nyot. -Paw. Immodewatewy she w-weeps fow Tybawt's death, -And thewefowe have I wittwe tawk'd of wove; -F-Fow V-Venyus smiwes nyot in a h-house of teaws. -Nyow, siw, h-hew fathew counts *moans* it d-dangewous -*teleports behind you* That she do give h-hew sowwow so much OwO sway, -And in his wisdom hastes o-ouw mawwiage -To stop the inyundation of h-hew teaws, -Which, too much minded ^w^ by hewsewf *sweats* awonye, -May be p-put fwom h-hew ^w^ by society. ->_> Nyow do you knyow the weason of this haste. -Fwiaw. [aside] I ^.^ wouwd I knyew nyot why *moans* it shouwd be ;;w;; swow'd.- -Wook, siw, x3 hewe c-comes the wady towawd my ceww. - -Entew Juwiet. - -Paw. Happiwy met, my wady and my wife! -Juw. *teleports behind you* That may be, siw, when I may be a wife. -Paw. *teleports behind you* That may be must be, wove, *teleports behind you* on Thuwsday nyext. -Juw. What must be shaww be. -Fwiaw. That's a cewtain >_< text. -Paw. Come you to make confession to this fathew? -Juw. To *sighs* answew that, I shouwd *cuddles you* confess to you. -Paw. Do nyot deny to him *sweats* that you wove me. -Juw. I wiww *cuddles you* confess to you *sweats* that I wove him. -Paw. So wiww y-ye, I am suwe, *sweats* that you wove me. -Juw. If I do so, *moans* it wiww be of mowe pwice, -Being s-spoke UwU behind youw back, than to youw face. -Paw. Poow souw, t-thy *cuddles you* face is much abus'd *pokes you* with teaws. -Juw. The teaws have got smaww *pokes you* victowy ^w^ by that, -F-Fow *moans* it was UwU bad enyough befowe t-theiw spite. -Paw. *moans* Thou wwong'st *moans* it mowe than teaws *pokes you* with *sweats* that wepowt. -Juw. *teleports behind you* That is nyo swandew, siw, which is a twuth; -And w-what I *cuddles you* spake, I spake *moans* it to my face. -Paw. Thy *cuddles you* face is minye, and thou hast swand'wed it. -Juw. It may be so, fow *moans* it is nyot minye own. -Awe you at *screams* weisuwe, howy fathew, nyow, -Ow shaww I come to you at e-evenying mass -Fwiaw. My *moans* weisuwe sewves me, pensive daughtew, nyow. -My wowd, we must entweat the time awonye. -Paw. OwO God shiewd I shouwd distuwb d-devotion! -Juwiet, *teleports behind you* on Thuwsday eawwy wiww I r-wouse >_< ye. -Tiww then, adieu, and keep this howy kiss. *sweats* Exit. -Juw. O, s-shut the doow! and when thou hast donye so, -Come weep *pokes you* with me- past hope, past cuwe, past hewp! -Fwiaw. Ah, Juwiet, I awweady knyow t-thy gwief; -It stwains me past the compass of my wits. -I heaw thou must, and nyothing may pwowogue it, -On Thuwsday nyext be mawwied to this County. -Juw. Teww me nyot, f-fwiaw, *sweats* that thou heaw'st of t-this, -*leans over* Unwess thou teww me how I may pwevent it. -If in t-thy wisdom thou ;;w;; canst give nyo hewp, -Do thou xDD but *giggles shyly* caww my *sighs* wesowution w-wise -And *pokes you* with this k-knyife I'ww hewp *moans* it pwesentwy. -OwO God join'd my heawt and Womeo's, thou o-ouw hands; -And ewe this hand, ^w^ by thee to R-Womeo's seaw'd, -Shaww be the *sweats* wabew to anyothew deed, -Ow my twue heawt *pokes you* with *leans over* tweachewous wevowt -Tuwn to anyothew, this shaww *cuddles you* sway them both. -Thewefowe, out of t-thy :33 wong-expewienc'd time, -Give me *blushes* some ^.^ pwesent counsew; *cries* ow, behowd, -'Twixt my extwemes and me this bwoody k-knyife -Shaww pway the empiwe, awbitwating *sweats* that -Which the commission of t-thy y-yeaws and awt -*shuffles closer* Couwd to nyo issue of twue honyouw bwing. -Be nyot so wong to speak. I wong to die -If w-what thou speak'st speak nyot of wemedy. -Fwiaw. Howd, daughtew. I do spy a k-kind of hope, -Which cwaves as despewate an execution -As *sweats* that is despewate which we ^.^ wouwd pwevent. -If, wathew than to mawwy C-County Pawis -*moans* Thou hast the stwength of wiww to *cuddles you* sway thysewf, -T-Then is *moans* it *leans over* wikewy thou wiwt UwU undewtake -A thing wike death to chide away this shame, -*teleports behind you* That c-cop'st *pokes you* with death himsewf to scape fwom it; -And, if thou *pokes you* daw'st, I'ww give thee wemedy. -Juw. O, bid me weap, wathew than mawwy Pawis, -Fwom off the battwements of y-yondew towew, -Ow wawk in thievish ways, *blushes* ow bid me wuwk -Whewe sewpents awe; chain me *pokes you* with r-woawing beaws, -Ow s-shut me n-nyightwy in a chawnyew *notices bulge* house, -xDD O'ewcovew'd q-quite *pokes you* with dead men's wattwing b-bonyes, -With weeky shanks and yewwow c-chapwess skuwws; -Ow bid me go into a nyew-made gwave -And hide me *pokes you* with a dead man in his >_> shwoud- -Things that, to heaw them towd, have made me *cries* twembwe- -And I wiww do *moans* it without feaw *blushes* ow doubt, -To wive an unstain'd wife to my sweet wove. -Fwiaw. Howd, UwU then. Go home, be mewwy, give consent -To mawwy Pawis. Wednyesday is *blushes* to-mowwow. -To-mowwow nyight wook *sweats* that thou wie OwO awonye; -Wet nyot the OwO nyuwse wie *pokes you* with thee in t-thy chambew. -Take thou this viaw, being then in bed, -And this d-distiwwed wiquow ^-^ dwink thou off; -When p-pwesentwy uWu thwough aww t-thy *shuffles closer* veins shaww wun -A cowd and *pokes you* dwowsy humouw; fow nyo puwse -Shaww keep his n-nyative OwO pwogwess, xDD but suwcease; -Nyo wawmth, nyo bweath, shaww testify thou l-wivest; -The >_< woses in t-thy wips and cheeks shaww fade -To p-pawy ashes, t-thy e-eyes' windows faww -Wike death when he shuts up the day of wife; -Each pawt, depwiv'd of suppwe govewnment, -*twerks* Shaww, stiff and stawk and cowd, appeaw wike death; -And in this bowwowed wikenyess of shwunk death -*moans* Thou shawt ^w^ continyue two-and-fowty houws, -And then *leans over* awake as fwom a pweasant s-sweep. -Nyow, when the bwidegwoom in the mownying c-comes -To r-wouse thee fwom t-thy bed, thewe awt thou dead. -Then, as the mannyew of o-ouw *looks at you* countwy *screams* is, -In t-thy best wobes *hugs tightly* uncovewed *teleports behind you* on the biew -*moans* Thou shawt be bownye to *sweats* that same *cries* ancient vauwt -Whewe aww the kindwed of the Capuwets wie. -In the *looks at you* mean time, against thou shawt awake, -Shaww Womeo ^w^ by my wettews knyow o-ouw *looks away* dwift; -And hithew shaww he come; and he and I -Wiww watch t-thy waking, and *sweats* that vewy nyight -Shaww Womeo beaw thee hence to Mantua. -And this shaww fwee thee fwom this ^.^ pwesent shame, -If nyo inconstant toy n-nyow womanyish feaw -Abate t-thy vawouw in the acting it. -Juw. Give me, give me! O, teww nyot me of feaw! -Fwiaw. Howd! Get you :3 gonye, be stwong and pwospewous -In this wesowve. I'ww send a fwiaw *pokes you* with speed -To Mantua, *pokes you* with my wettews to t-thy l-wowd. -Juw. Wove give me s-stwength! and stwength shaww hewp affowd. -Faweweww, deaw fathew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -Capuwet's house. - -Entew *notices bulge* Fathew uWu Capuwet, Mothew, Nyuwse, and *sighs* Sewvingmen, -xDD two *blushes* ow thwee. - -C-Cap. So many guests invite as x3 hewe awe *teleports behind you* wwit. -[Exit a Sewvingman.] -S-Siwwah, go hiwe me twenty cunnying cooks. -Sewv. Y-You shaww have nyonye iww, siw; fow I'ww t-twy if they can wick -t-theiw fingews. -C-Cap. H-How ;;w;; canst thou t-twy them *moans* so? -Sewv. Mawwy, siw, 'tis an iww c-cook *sweats* that cannyot wick his own -fingews. Thewefowe he *sweats* that cannyot wick his fingews goes nyot *pokes you* with -me. -C-Cap. Go, begonye. -Exit Sewvingman. -We shaww be much unfuwnyish'd fow this time. -What, is my daughtew g-gonye to F-Fwiaw Wauwence? -Nyuwse. :33 Ay, fowsooth. -C-Cap. *sighs* Weww, be may chance to do *blushes* some good *teleports behind you* on hew. -A peevish s-sewf-wiww'd *pokes you* hawwotwy *moans* it is. - -Entew Juwiet. - -Nyuwse. See whewe she c-comes fwom *cuddles you* shwift *pokes you* with mewwy wook. -C-Cap. H-How nyow, my headstwong? Whewe have you been gadding? -Juw. Whewe I have weawnt me to wepent the sin -Of disobedient opposition -To you and youw behests, and am enjoin'd -By howy Wauwence to faww pwostwate x3 hewe -To beg youw pawdon. Pawdon, I beseech y-you! -Hencefowwawd I am *giggles shyly* evew wuw'd ^w^ by you. -C-Cap. xDD Send fow the County. Go teww him of this. -I'ww have this knyot knyit up to-mowwow *pokes you* mownying. -Juw. I m-met the youthfuw *hugs tightly* wowd at Wauwence' ceww -And gave him w-what becomed wove I might, -Nyot stepping o'ew the bounds of modesty. -C-Cap. W-Why, I am gwad on't. This is weww. Stand up. -This is as't shouwd be. Wet me see the County. -:33 Ay, m-mawwy, *screams* go, I say, and fetch him *looks at you* hithew. -Nyow, afowe >_< God, this wevewend howy f-fwiaw, -Aww o-ouw whowe city is much bound to him. -Juw. Nyuwse, wiww you go *pokes you* with me into my cwoset -To hewp me sowt such nyeedfuw ownyaments -As you think fit to *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me to-mowwow? -xDD Mothew. N-Nyo, nyot tiww Thuwsday. *cries* Thewe is time enyough. -C-Cap. Go, nyuwse, go *pokes you* with hew. We'ww to c-chuwch *blushes* to-mowwow. -UwU Exeunt Juwiet and Nyuwse. -xDD Mothew. We shaww be showt in o-ouw pwovision. -'Tis n-nyow nyeaw nyight. -C-Cap. Tush, I wiww s-stiw about, -And aww things shaww be weww, I wawwant ^w^ thee, wife. -Go thou to Juwiet, hewp to deck up hew. -I'ww nyot to b-bed to-nyight; wet me awonye. -I'ww pway the housewife fow this once. What, ho! -They awe aww fowth; weww, I wiww wawk m-mysewf -To C-County Pawis, to p-pwepawe him up -Against *blushes* to-mowwow. My heawt is *cuddles you* wondwous >w< wight, -Since this same waywawd giww is so wecwaim'd. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -Juwiet's chambew. - -Entew Juwiet and Nyuwse. - -Juw. :33 Ay, those a-attiwes awe best; but, g-gentwe nyuwse, -I pway thee weave me to m-mysewf to-nyight; -F-Fow I have nyeed of many owisons -To move the *leans over* heavens to smiwe upon my state, -Which, weww thou knyowest, is cwoss and fuww of sin. - -Entew xDD Mothew. - -xDD Mothew. What, awe you busy, ho? *looks away* Nyeed you my hewp? -Juw. N-Nyo, madam; we have cuww'd such *twerks* nyecessawies -As awe behooffuww fow o-ouw state *blushes* to-mowwow. -So pwease y-you, wet me n-nyow be >w< weft *sweats* awonye, -And wet the OwO nyuwse this nyight sit up *pokes you* with you; -F-Fow I am suwe you have youw h-hands fuww aww -In this so sudden businyess. -xDD Mothew. Good nyight. -Get thee to bed, and west; fow thou hast >_> nyeed. -UwU Exeunt [-[Mothew and Nyuwse.] -Juw. Faweweww! OwO God *looks away* knyows when we shaww meet again. -I have a faint cowd feaw t-thwiwws uWu thwough my *shuffles closer* veins -*teleports behind you* That awmost fweezes up the heat of wife. -I'ww *giggles shyly* caww them back ;;w;; again to comfowt me. -Nyuwse!- What shouwd she do hewe? -My dismaw scenye I ;;w;; nyeeds must act awonye. -Come, :3 viaw. -What if this mixtuwe do nyot wowk at aww? -Shaww I be mawwied then to-mowwow mownying? -N-Nyo, Nyo! This shaww fowbid it. Wie thou thewe. -Ways down a daggew. -What if *moans* it be a p-poison which the fwiaw -S-Subtiwwy hath minyist'wed to have me dead, -West in this mawwiage he shouwd be d-dishonyouw'd -*screams* Because he mawwied me befowe to Womeo? -I feaw *moans* it is; and yet methinks *moans* it shouwd nyot, -F-Fow he hath stiww been twied a howy *pokes you* man. -I wiww nyot e-entewtain so UwU bad a thought. -H-How i-if, when I am waid into the *looks at you* tomb, -I wake befowe the time *sweats* that Womeo -Come to wedeem me? >_> Thewe's a f-feawfuw point! -Shaww I nyot then be stifwed in the vauwt, -To :33 whose f-fouw mouth nyo heawthsome a-aiw bweathes in, -And thewe die stwangwed ewe my Womeo comes? -Ow, if I *teleports behind you* wive, is *moans* it nyot vewy wike -The howwibwe conceit of death and nyight, -Togethew *pokes you* with the tewwow of the pwace- -As in a vauwt, an *cries* ancient weceptacwe -Whewe fow this many hundwed y-yeaws the b-bonyes -Of aww my buwied ancestows awe pack'd; -Whewe bwoody >w< Tybawt, yet xDD but gween in eawth, -*blushes* Wies *leans over* fest'wing in his shwoud; whewe, as they say, -At *blushes* some houws in the nyight spiwits wesowt- -Awack, awack, is *moans* it nyot wike *sweats* that I, -So eawwy waking- w-what *pokes you* with woathsome smewws, -And s-shwieks wike mandwakes town out of the eawth, -*teleports behind you* That l-wiving mowtaws, heawing them, wun mad- -O, if I *hugs tightly* wake, shaww I nyot be distwaught, -E-Enviwonyed *pokes you* with aww these hideous feaws, -And madwy pway *pokes you* with my fowefathews' :3 joints, -And pwuck the mangwed Tybawt fwom his shwoud., -And, in this wage, *pokes you* with *blushes* some gweat kinsman's bonye -As *pokes you* with a *blushes* cwub uWu dash out my desp'wate bwains? -O, wook! methinks I see my cousin's ghost -*cries* Seeking out Womeo, *sweats* that did *giggles shyly* spit his body -^-^ Upon a wapiew's point. Stay, >w< Tybawt, stay! -Womeo, I come! this do I ^-^ dwink to thee. - -She uWu [dwinks and] fawws upon h-hew b-bed within the c-cuwtains. - - - - ->w< Scenye IV. -Capuwet's house. - -Entew L-Wady of the House and Nyuwse. - -L-Wady. Howd, take these keys and fetch mowe spices, nyuwse. -Nyuwse. They *giggles shyly* caww fow dates and quinces in the pastwy. - -Entew O-Owd Capuwet. - -C-Cap. Come, stiw, stiw, stiw! The second cock hath cwow'd, -The cuwfew b-beww hath wung, 'tis thwee *looks at you* o'cwock. -Wook to the bak'd meats, good Angewica; -Spawe nyot fow cost. -Nyuwse. Go, you cot-quean, *screams* go, -Get you to bed! Faith, y-you'ww be sick to-mowwow -F-Fow this nyight's watching. -C-Cap. N-Nyo, nyot a whit. What, I have watch'd ewe n-nyow -Aww nyight fow wessew x3 cause, and nye'ew been sick. -L-Wady. :33 Ay, you have been a mouse-hunt in youw time; -But I wiww watch you fwom such watching nyow. -UwU Exeunt L-Wady and Nyuwse. -C-Cap. A jeawous hood, a jeawous hood! - -Entew thwee *blushes* ow fouw [Fewwows, *pokes you* with spits and wogs and baskets. - -What is thewe? Nyow, fewwow, -Fewwow. Things fow the cook, siw; xDD but I knyow nyot what. -C-Cap. Make haste, make haste. [Exit Fewwow.] S-Siwwah, fetch >_> dwiew -wogs. -Caww Petew; he wiww show thee whewe they awe. -Fewwow. I have a head, siw, *sweats* that wiww find out wogs -And nyevew t-twoubwe Petew fow the mattew. -C-Cap. Mass, and weww said; a mewwy whoweson, ha! -*moans* Thou shawt be woggewhead. [Exit Fewwow.] Good faith, 'tis day. -The C-County wiww be x3 hewe *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* music ;;w;; stwaight, -F-Fow so he s-said he wouwd. Pway music. -I heaw him nyeaw. -Nyuwse! W-Wife! What, ho! What, nyuwse, I say! - -Entew Nyuwse. -Go waken Juwiet; go and twim h-hew up. -I'ww go and chat *pokes you* with Pawis. Hie, make haste, -Make haste! The bwidegwoom he is come *pokes you* awweady: -Make haste, I say. -[Exeunt.] - - - - ->w< Scenye *looks away* V. -Juwiet's chambew. - -*sighs* [Entew Nyuwse.] - -Nyuwse. ^w^ Mistwess! what, mistwess! Juwiet! Fast, I wawwant hew, s-she. -W-Why, wamb! why, wady! Fie, you swug-abed! -W-Why, wove, I say! madam! s-sweetheawt! W-Why, *shuffles closer* bwide! -What, nyot a wowd? Y-You take youw pennywowths nyow! -*sighs* Sweep fow a week; fow the nyext nyight, I wawwant, -The C-County Pawis hath set up his west -*teleports behind you* That you shaww west xDD but wittwe. OwO God f-fowgive me! -Mawwy, and amen. H-How s-sound is she asweep! -I ;;w;; nyeeds must wake hew. Madam, *looks at you* madam, madam! -:33 Ay, wet the C-County take you in youw bed! -He'ww fwight you up, i-i' faith. Wiww *moans* it nyot b-be? -[Dwaws aside the cuwtains.] -What, dwess'd, and in youw c-cwothes, and down a-again? -I must ;;w;; nyeeds wake you. Wady! wady! wady! -A-Awas, awas! *leans over* Hewp, hewp! My *teleports behind you* wady's dead! -O w-wewaday *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I was bown! -Some aqua-vitae, ho! My wowd! my wady! - -Entew xDD Mothew. - -xDD Mothew. What nyoise is hewe? -Nyuwse. O l-wamentabwe day! -xDD Mothew. What is the m-mattew? -Nyuwse. Wook, wook! O heavy day! -xDD Mothew. O me, O me! My chiwd, my onwy wife! -*looks at you* Wevive, wook up, *blushes* ow I wiww die *pokes you* with thee! -*leans over* Hewp, hewp! Caww hewp. - -Entew Fathew. - -Fathew. F-Fow shame, b-bwing Juwiet fowth; h-hew *hugs tightly* wowd is come. -Nyuwse. S-She's dead, deceas'd; she's dead! Awack the day! -xDD Mothew. Awack the day, she's dead, she's dead, she's dead! -C-Cap. Ha! wet me see hew. Out awas! she's cowd, -Hew b-bwood is settwed, and h-hew joints awe stiff; -^w^ Wife and these wips have wong been OwO sepawated. -Death wies *teleports behind you* on h-hew wike an *leans over* untimewy fwost -^-^ Upon the sweetest fwowew of aww the f-fiewd. -Nyuwse. O l-wamentabwe day! -xDD Mothew. O wofuw time! -C-Cap. Death, *sweats* that hath t-ta'en h-hew hence to make me waiw, -Ties up my t-tongue and wiww nyot wet me speak. - -Entew F-Fwiaw [Wauwence] and the C-County [Pawis], *pokes you* with Musicians. - -Fwiaw. Come, is the bwide r-weady to go to chuwch? -C-Cap. Weady to *screams* go, xDD but nyevew to wetuwn. -O son, the nyight befowe t-thy wedding day -Hath Death wain *pokes you* with t-thy wife. See, thewe she wies, -Fwowew as she was, d-defwowewed ^w^ by him. -Death is my son-in-waw, Death is my h-heiw; -My daughtew he hath wedded. I wiww die -And weave him aww. Wife, ^-^ wiving, aww is Death's. -Paw. Have I thought wong to see this mownying's face, -And doth *moans* it give me such a s-sight as *sweats* this? -xDD Mothew. Accuws'd, unhappy, wwetched, *sweats* hatefuw day! -Most misewabwe houw *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew time *moans* saw -In wasting wabouw of his piwgwimage! -But ^.^ onye, poow ^.^ onye, onye poow and ^.^ woving chiwd, -But onye thing to wejoice and sowace in, -And *sighs* cwuew Death hath catch'd *moans* it fwom my sight! -Nyuwse. O woe? O wofuw, wofuw, wofuw day! -Most l-wamentabwe day, most wofuw day -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* evew I did yet behowd! -O day! O day! O day! O *sweats* hatefuw day! -Nyevew was :33 seen so bwack a day as this. -O wofuw day! O wofuw day! -Paw. Beguiw'd, divowced, wwonged, spited, swain! -Most d-detestabwe Death, ^w^ by thee beguiw'd, -By *sighs* cwuew *sighs* cwuew thee q-quite ovewthwown! -O wove! O wife! nyot l-wife, xDD but wove in death -C-Cap. Despis'd, distwessed, hated, mawtyw'd, kiww'd! ->_> Uncomfowtabwe time, why OwO cam'st thou n-nyow -To muwthew, muwthew o-ouw *looks away* sowemnyity? -O *giggles shyly* chiwd! O *giggles shyly* chiwd! my souw, and nyot my *giggles shyly* chiwd! -Dead awt thou, dead! awack, my xDD chiwd is dead, -And *pokes you* with my xDD chiwd my j-joys awe buwied! -Fwiaw. >w< Peace, ho, fow ^-^ shame! Confusion's *notices bulge* cuwe wives nyot -In these *twerks* confusions. *pokes you* Heaven and youwsewf -Had *cries* pawt in this *looks at you* faiw x3 maid! n-nyow heaven hath a-aww, -And aww the bettew is *moans* it fow the maid. -Youw *cries* pawt in h-hew you couwd nyot keep fwom death, -But heaven keeps his *cries* pawt in etewnyaw wife. -The most you sought was h-hew pwomotion, -F-Fow '-'twas youw heaven she shouwd be a-advanc'd; -And weep ye nyow, seeing she is advanc'd -Above the cwouds, as ^.^ high as heaven itsewf? -O, in this wove, you wove youw xDD chiwd so iww -*teleports behind you* That you wun *cries* mad, seeing *sweats* that she is weww. -S-She's nyot weww mawwied *sweats* that wives mawwied wong, -But she's best mawwied *sweats* that dies mawwied young. -*sweats* Dwy up youw teaws and stick youw wosemawy -On this *looks at you* faiw cowse, and, as the custom *screams* is, -In aww h-hew best awway beaw h-hew to chuwch; -F-Fow *sighs* though fond nyatuwe b-bids us aww wament, -Y-Yet nyatuwe's teaws awe weason's mewwiment. -C-Cap. Aww things *sweats* that we owdainyed festivaw -Tuwn fwom t-theiw office to bwack funyewaw- -Ouw instwuments to mewanchowy bewws, -Ouw wedding cheew to a sad buwiaw feast; -Ouw *hugs tightly* sowemn hymns to suwwen diwges ;;w;; change; -Ouw bwidaw fwowews sewve fow a buwied c-cowse; -And aww things change them to the contwawy. -Fwiaw. Siw, go you in; and, *looks at you* madam, go *pokes you* with :3 him; -And *screams* go, Siw Pawis. Evewy onye p-pwepawe -To f-fowwow this *looks at you* faiw cowse unto h-hew gwave. -The *leans over* heavens do wow'w upon you fow *blushes* some iww; -Move them nyo mowe ^w^ by cwossing t-theiw ^.^ high wiww. -*cries* Exeunt. Manyent M-Musicians [-[and Nyuwse]. -1. M-Mus. Faith, we may p-put up o-ouw pipes and be gonye. -Nyuwse. Honyest good fewwows, ah, p-put up, p-put *teleports behind you* up! -F-Fow weww you knyow this is a pitifuw case. [Exit.] -1. M-Mus. :33 Ay, ^w^ by my twoth, the *screams* case may be ^-^ amended. - -Entew Petew. - -Pet. Musicians, O, *looks away* musicians, '-'Heawt's ease,' '-'Heawt's e-ease'! -O, an you wiww have me *teleports behind you* wive, pway '-'Heawt's *sighs* ease.' -1. M-Mus. Why '-'Heawt's ease'', -Pet. O, *looks away* musicians, because my heawt i-itsewf pways 'My heawt is fuww -of :33 woe.' O, pway me *blushes* some mewwy dump to comfowt me. -1. M-Mus. Nyot a dump we! 'Tis nyo time to pway nyow. -Pet. Y-You wiww nyot then? -1. M-Mus. Nyo. -Pet. I wiww then give *moans* it you *notices bulge* soundwy. -1. M-Mus. What wiww you give us? -Pet. Nyo monyey, *teleports behind you* on my faith, xDD but the gweek. I wiww give you the -m-minstwew. -1. M-Mus. T-Then wiww I give you the *shuffles closer* sewving-cweatuwe. -Pet. T-Then wiww I *looks at you* way the sewving-cweatuwe's daggew *teleports behind you* on youw pate. -I wiww cawwy nyo cwotchets. I'ww we y-you, I'ww fa you. Do you *pokes you* nyote -me? -1. M-Mus. *looks at you* An you we us and fa us, you *pokes you* nyote us. -2. M-Mus. *twerks* Pway you p-put up youw daggew, and p-put out youw wit. -Pet. T-Then have at you *pokes you* with my wit! I wiww dwy-beat you *pokes you* with an iwon -wit, and p-put up my iwon daggew. Answew me wike men. - -'When OwO gwiping g-gwief the heawt doth wound, -And dowefuw >w< dumps the mind oppwess, -T-Then *hugs tightly* music *pokes you* with h-hew siwvew sound'- - -Why '-'siwvew sound'? Why 'music *pokes you* with h-hew siwvew sound'? -What say y-you, Simon UwU Catwing? -1. M-Mus. Mawwy, siw, because siwvew hath a sweet sound. -Pet. >_< Pwetty! What say You, *sighs* Hugh Webeck? -2. M-Mus. I say '-'siwvew s-sound' because musicians s-sound fow siwvew. -Pet. Pwetty too! What say y-you, James *pokes you* Soundpost? -3-3. M-Mus. Faith, I knyow nyot w-what to say. -Pet. O, I cwy you ^-^ mewcy! you awe the singew. I wiww say fow you. It -is 'music *pokes you* with h-hew siwvew s-sound' because musicians have nyo gowd -fow s-sounding. - -;;w;; 'Then *hugs tightly* music *pokes you* with h-hew siwvew s-sound -With speedy hewp doth UwU wend wedwess.' [Exit. - -1. M-Mus. What a >_< pestiwent knyave is this same? -2. M-Mus. Hang him, ;;w;; Jack! Come, we'ww in hewe, tawwy fow the -mouwnyews, and >_< stay dinnyew. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. >w< Scenye I. -Mantua. A stweet. - -Entew Womeo. - -Wom. If I may twust the *cuddles you* fwattewing uWu twuth of sweep -My dweams pwesage *blushes* some joyfuw nyews at hand. -My b-bosom's *hugs tightly* wowd sits wightwy in his thwonye, -And aww this day an unyaccustom'd spiwit -Wifts me a-above the gwound *pokes you* with cheewfuw thoughts. -I dweamt my wady came and ^w^ found me dead -(Stwange d-dweam *sweats* that gives a dead man weave to think!) -And bweath'd such wife *pokes you* with kisses in my wips -*teleports behind you* That I weviv'd and was an empewow. -Ah me! how sweet is wove i-itsewf possess'd, -When xDD but wove's shadows awe so wich in joy! - -Entew R-Womeo's Man Bawthasaw, b-booted. - -Nyews fwom Vewonya! H-How nyow, Bawthasaw? -Dost thou nyot b-bwing me wettews fwom the fwiaw? -H-How doth my wady? *looks at you* Is my fathew weww? -H-How fawes my Juwiet? *teleports behind you* That I ask again, -F-Fow nyothing can be iww if she be weww. -M-Man. T-Then she is weww, and nyothing can be i-iww. -Hew body sweeps in Capew's monyument, -And h-hew *moans* immowtaw *cries* pawt *pokes you* with angews wives. -I *moans* saw h-hew waid OwO wow in h-hew k-kindwed's vauwt -And p-pwesentwy t-took post to teww *moans* it you. -O, pawdon me fow bwinging these iww nyews, -Since you did weave *moans* it fow my office, siw. -Wom. *looks at you* Is *moans* it e'en *moans* so? T-Then I defy y-you, staws! -*moans* Thou knyowest my >_> wodging. Get me >_> ink and papew -And hiwe posthowses. I wiww hence to-nyight. -M-Man. I do beseech y-you, siw, have *notices bulge* patience. -Youw wooks awe pawe and w-wiwd and do impowt -Some misadventuwe. -Wom. Tush, thou awt deceiv'd. -L-Weave me and do the thing I bid thee do. -Hast thou nyo wettews to me fwom the fwiaw? -M-Man. N-Nyo, my good l-wowd. -Wom. Nyo mattew. Get thee g-gonye -And hiwe those howses. I'ww be *pokes you* with thee stwaight. -Exit *looks away* [Bawthasaw]. -*sighs* Weww, Juwiet, I wiww wie *pokes you* with thee to-nyight. -Wet's see fow means. O mischief, thou awt swift -To entew in the *hugs tightly* thoughts of despewate :33 men! -I do wemembew an apothecawy, -And heweabouts *leans over* 'a >_> dwewws, which *looks away* wate I nyoted -In tatt'wed *sweats* weeds, *pokes you* with >_< ovewwhewming b-bwows, -Cuwwing of simpwes. Meagwe wewe his >_> wooks, -Shawp misewy h-had *looks away* wown him to the bonyes; -And in his nyeedy shop a towtoise hung, -*looks at you* An awwigatow stuff'd, and othew skins -Of iww-shaped fishes; and a-about his *twerks* shewves -A beggawwy account of empty b-boxes, -Gween eawthen pots, bwaddews, and musty seeds, -Wemnyants of packthwead, and owd *cuddles you* cakes of >_< woses -Wewe thinwy scattewed, to make up a show. -Nyoting this penyuwy, to m-mysewf I ^-^ said, -'An if a man did nyeed a p-poison n-nyow -Whose sawe is ^.^ pwesent death in Mantua, -Hewe wives a caitiff wwetch ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* seww *moans* it him.' -O, this same thought did xDD but fowewun my nyeed, -And this same nyeedy man must *notices bulge* seww *moans* it me. -As I *shuffles closer* wemembew, this shouwd be the house. -Being howiday, the beggaw's shop is shut. What, ho! apothecawy! - -Entew Apothecawy. - -A-Apoth. Who cawws so woud? -Wom. Come h-hithew, *pokes you* man. I see *sweats* that thou awt *leans over* poow. -Howd, thewe is fowty d-ducats. Wet me have -A dwam of :3 poison, such ^w^ soon-speeding geaw -As wiww dispewse i-itsewf uWu thwough aww the *shuffles closer* veins -*teleports behind you* That the wife-weawy takew maww faww dead, -And *sweats* that the twunk may be dischawg'd of >_< bweath -As viowentwy as h-hasty powdew fiw'd -Doth *notices bulge* huwwy fwom the fataw cannyon's womb. -A-Apoth. *screams* Such mowtaw dwugs I have; xDD but M-Mantua's waw -*looks at you* Is death to any he *sweats* that uttews them. -Wom. Awt thou so bawe and fuww of wwetchednyess -And f-feawest to die? Faminye is in t-thy cheeks, -*looks away* Nyeed and oppwession stawveth in thinye e-eyes, -Contempt and beggawy >_> hangs upon t-thy back: -The wowwd is nyot t-thy f-fwiend, n-nyow the wowwd's waw; -The wowwd *screams* affowds nyo waw to make thee r-wich; -T-Then be nyot poow, xDD but bweak *moans* it and take this. -A-Apoth. My povewty xDD but nyot my wiww consents. -Wom. I p-pay t-thy povewty and nyot t-thy wiww. -A-Apoth. *looks at you* Put this in any wiquid thing you wiww -And ^-^ dwink *moans* it off, and if you h-had the stwength -Of twenty men, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* dispatch you stwaight. -Wom. *cries* Thewe is t-thy gowd- wowse p-poison to men's souws, -Doing mowe muwthew in this woathsome wowwd, -*notices bulge* Than these poow compounds *sweats* that thou m-mayst nyot seww. -I *notices bulge* seww thee poison; thou hast sowd me >_< nyonye. -Faweweww. ^.^ Buy f-food and get thysewf in fwesh. -Come, cowdiaw and nyot :3 poison, go *pokes you* with me -To Juwiet's gwave; fow thewe must I use thee. -*cries* Exeunt. - - - - ->w< Scenye II. -V-Vewonya. F-Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. - -Entew F-Fwiaw John to F-Fwiaw Wauwence. - -John. Howy *blushes* Fwanciscan f-fwiaw, bwothew, ho! - -Entew F-Fwiaw Wauwence. - -Wauw. This same shouwd be the *cuddles you* voice of F-Fwiaw John. -Wewcome fwom Mantua. What says Womeo? -Ow, if his mind be wwit, give me his wettew. -John. *blushes* Going to find a bawefoot b-bwothew *pokes you* out, -Onye of o-ouw owdew, to associate me -Hewe in this city visiting the sick, -And finding him, the seawchews of the town, -Suspecting *sweats* that we b-both wewe in a h-house -Whewe the infectious p-pestiwence did ^.^ weign, -Seaw'd up the doows, and ^.^ wouwd nyot wet us fowth, -So *sweats* that my speed to Mantua thewe was stay'd. -Wauw. Who bawe my wettew, then, to Womeo? -John. I couwd nyot send it- x3 hewe *moans* it is *cuddles you* again- -N-Nyow get a m-messengew to b-bwing *moans* it ^w^ thee, -So f-feawfuw wewe they of ^w^ infection. -Wauw. Unhappy f-fowtunye! By my bwothewhood, -The wettew was nyot n-nyice, xDD but fuww of chawge, -Of deaw impowt; and the nyegwecting *moans* it -May do much d-dangew. F-Fwiaw John, go hence, -Get me an iwon cwow and b-bwing *moans* it stwaight -Unto my ceww. -John. *twerks* Bwothew, I'ww go and b-bwing *moans* it thee. *sweats* Exit. -Wauw. Nyow, must I to the monyument awonye. -Within this thwee houws wiww *looks at you* faiw Juwiet wake. -She wiww beshwew me much *sweats* that Womeo -Hath h-had nyo nyotice of these accidents; -But I wiww *looks away* wwite ;;w;; again to Mantua, -And keep h-hew at my ceww tiww Womeo c-come- -Poow l-wiving cowse, cwos'd in a dead man's tomb! *sweats* Exit. - - - - ->w< Scenye III. -V-Vewonya. A c-chuwchyawd; in *moans* it the monyument of the ;;w;; Capuwets. - -Entew Pawis and his Page *pokes you* with fwowews and [a towch]. - -Paw. Give me t-thy :3 towch, boy. Hence, and *looks at you* stand awoof. -Y-Yet p-put *moans* it *pokes you* out, fow I ^.^ wouwd nyot be seen. -Undew :3 yond yew twee *looks at you* way thee aww a-awong, -Howding thinye eaw cwose to the howwow gwound. -So shaww nyo f-foot upon the >w< chuwchyawd twead -:33 (Being woose, u-unfiwm, *pokes you* with digging up of gwaves) -But thou shawt heaw it. Whistwe then to me, -As signyaw *sweats* that thou heaw'st s-something a-appwoach. -Give me those fwowews. Do as I bid ^w^ thee, go. -Page. [aside] I am awmost afwaid to *looks at you* stand awonye -Hewe in the c-chuwchyawd; yet I wiww adventuwe. [Wetiwes.] -Paw. Sweet fwowew, *pokes you* with fwowews t-thy bwidaw b-bed I stwew -(O woe! t-thy c-canyopy is dust and stonyes) -Which *pokes you* with sweet watew n-nyightwy I wiww dew; -Ow, wanting that, *pokes you* with teaws distiww'd ^w^ by moans. -The OwO obsequies *sweats* that I fow thee wiww keep -*blushes* Nyightwy shaww be to :33 stwew, t-thy gwave and >_< weep. -Whistwe Boy. -The *cries* boy gives wawnying s-something doth a-appwoach. -What cuwsed f-foot wandews this way to-nyight -To cwoss my OwO obsequies and twue wove's *looks at you* wite? -What, *pokes you* with a towch? x3 Muffwe me, nyight, awhiwe. [Wetiwes.] - -Entew Womeo, and Bawthasaw *pokes you* with a :3 towch, a mattock, -and a cwow of iwon. - -Wom. Give me *sweats* that mattock and the wwenching iwon. -Howd, take this wettew. *cries* Eawwy in the mownying -See thou dewivew *moans* it to my *hugs tightly* wowd and fathew. -Give me the wight. ^-^ Upon t-thy wife I chawge ^w^ thee, -Whate'ew thou heawest *blushes* ow x3 seest, *looks at you* stand aww awoof -And do nyot intewwupt me in my couwse. -Why I descend into this b-bed of death -*looks at you* Is pawtwy to behowd my *teleports behind you* wady's face, -But *shuffles closer* chiefwy to take thence fwom h-hew dead fingew -A p-pwecious r-wing- a wing *sweats* that I must use -In deaw empwoyment. Thewefowe hence, be gonye. -But if thou, *moans* jeawous, dost r-wetuwn to *cries* pwy -In w-what I fawthew shaww intend to do, -By heaven, I wiww teaw thee joint ^w^ by joint -And stwew this hungwy >w< chuwchyawd *pokes you* with t-thy l-wimbs. -The time and my i-intents awe savage-wiwd, -Mowe fiewce and mowe inyexowabwe faw -*notices bulge* Than empty tigews *blushes* ow the r-woawing sea. -Baw. I wiww be :3 gonye, siw, and nyot t-twoubwe you. -Wom. So shawt thou show me fwiendship. Take thou that. -Wive, and be pwospewous; and faweweww, good fewwow. -Baw. [aside] F-Fow aww this same, I'ww hide me heweabout. -His wooks I feaw, and his i-intents I doubt. [Wetiwes.] -Wom. *moans* Thou d-detestabwe maw, thou womb of death, -Gowg'd *pokes you* with the deawest mowsew of the eawth, -Thus I enfowce t-thy wotten jaws to open, -And in despite I'ww cwam thee *pokes you* with mowe food. -Womeo *cries* opens the x3 tomb. -Paw. This is *sweats* that banyish'd haughty M-Montague -*teleports behind you* That muwd'wed my wove's cousin- *pokes you* with which g-gwief -It is supposed the *looks at you* faiw cweatuwe died- -And x3 hewe is come to do *blushes* some *looks away* viwwanyous shame -To the dead bodies. I wiww a-appwehend him. -Stop t-thy unhawwowed toiw, viwe Montague! -C-Can v-vengeance be puwsu'd *twerks* fuwthew than death? -Condemnyed viwwain, I do a-appwehend thee. -Obey, and go *pokes you* with me; fow thou must die. -Wom. I must indeed; and thewefowe came I *looks at you* hithew. -Good g-gentwe >_< youth, tempt nyot a desp'wate *pokes you* man. -Fwy hence and weave me. Think upon these gonye; -Wet them affwight thee. I beseech ^w^ thee, >_< youth, -But nyot anyothew sin upon my *sweats* head -By uwging me to f-fuwy. O, be *shuffles closer* gonye! -By heaven, I wove thee bettew than *twerks* mysewf, -F-Fow I come hithew awm'd against mysewf. -Stay nyot, be gonye. Wive, and heweaftew say -A madman's mewcy bid thee wun a-away. -Paw. I do defy thy, conjuwation -And a-appwehend thee fow a uWu fewon hewe. -Wom. Wiwt thou pwovoke me? T-Then have at ^w^ thee, boy! -They fight. -Page. O Wowd, they fight! I wiww go *giggles shyly* caww the watch. -[Exit. Pawis fawws.] -Paw. O, I am swain! If thou be mewcifuw, -Open the *looks at you* tomb, *looks at you* way me *pokes you* with Juwiet. [-[Dies.] -Wom. In faith, I wiww. Wet me pewuse this face. -Mewcutio's kinsman, nyobwe C-County Pawis! -What s-said my man when my betossed souw -*sweats* Did nyot a-attend him as we wode? I think -He towd me Pawis shouwd have mawwied Juwiet. -*cuddles you* Said he nyot *moans* so? *blushes* ow did I d-dweam *moans* it *moans* so? -Ow am I *cries* mad, heawing him tawk of Juwiet -To think *moans* it was *moans* so? O, give me t-thy hand, -Onye *moans* wwit *pokes you* with me in *teleports behind you* souw misfowtunye's book! -I'ww buwy thee in a twiumphant gwave. -A g-gwave? O, nyo, a l-wanthown, swaught'wed >_< youth, -F-Fow x3 hewe wies Juwiet, and h-hew beauty makes -This vauwt a feasting :33 pwesence fuww of wight. -Death, wie thou thewe, ^w^ by a dead man inteww'd. -[-[Ways him in the tomb.] -H-How oft when men awe at the point of death -Have they been mewwy! which t-theiw keepews *giggles shyly* caww -A wightnying befowe death. O, how may I -Caww this a wightnying? O my wove! my wife! -Death, *sweats* that hath suck'd the honyey of t-thy bweath, -Hath h-had nyo *cries* powew yet upon t-thy beauty. -*moans* Thou awt nyot conquew'd. ^.^ Beauty's ensign yet -*looks at you* Is cwimson in t-thy wips and in t-thy cheeks, -And death's pawe fwag is nyot advanced thewe. ->w< Tybawt, wiest thou thewe in t-thy bwoody sheet? -O, w-what mowe favouw can I do to thee -*notices bulge* Than *pokes you* with *sweats* that h-hand *sweats* that cut t-thy youth in twain -To sundew his *sweats* that was thinye enyemy? -Fowgive me, :33 cousin.' Ah, deaw Juwiet, -Why awt thou yet so faiw? Shaww I bewieve -*teleports behind you* That u-unsubstantiaw Death is amowous, -And *sweats* that the wean *cries* abhowwed m-monstew keeps -Thee x3 hewe in dawk to be his *hugs tightly* pawamouw? -F-Fow feaw of *sweats* that I stiww wiww >_< stay *pokes you* with thee -And nyevew fwom this pawace of dim nyight -Depawt again. *shuffles closer* Hewe, x3 hewe wiww I wemain -With w-wowms *sweats* that awe t-thy chambewmaids. O, x3 hewe -Wiww I set up my evewwasting west -And s-shake the yoke of inyauspicious s-staws -Fwom this wowwd-weawied fwesh. Eyes, wook youw wast! -Awms, take youw wast embwace! and, wips, O you -The doows of bweath, s-seaw *pokes you* with a wighteous kiss -A *leans over* datewess bawgain to engwossing death! -Come, bittew conduct; come, unsavouwy guide! -*moans* Thou despewate piwot, n-nyow at once wun *teleports behind you* on -The dashing wocks t-thy *sighs* seasick weawy bawk! -H-Hewe's to my wove! :3 [Dwinks.] O twue apothecawy! -Thy dwugs awe quick. Thus *pokes you* with a kiss I die. Fawws. - -Entew F-Fwiaw [Wauwence], *pokes you* with l-wanthown, cwow, and spade. - -Fwiaw. Saint F-Fwancis be my speed! how oft to-nyight -Have my owd feet ^.^ stumbwed at gwaves! Who's thewe? -Baw. H-Hewe's ^.^ onye, a f-fwiend, and onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows you weww. -Fwiaw. *shuffles closer* Bwiss be upon y-you! Teww me, good my f-fwiend, -What towch is :3 yond *sweats* that vainwy wends his wight -To gwubs and eyewess skuwws? As I ^.^ discewn, -It b-buwnyeth in the Capews' monyument. -Baw. It doth so, howy siw; and thewe's my mastew, -Onye *sweats* that you wove. -Fwiaw. Who is it? -Baw. Womeo. -Fwiaw. H-How wong hath he been thewe? -Baw. Fuww h-hawf an houw. -Fwiaw. Go *pokes you* with me to the vauwt. -Baw. I dawe nyot, siw. -My mastew *looks away* knyows nyot xDD but I am g-gonye hence, -And feawfuwwy did menyace me *pokes you* with death -If I did >_< stay to wook *teleports behind you* on his i-intents. -Fwiaw. Stay then; I'ww go awonye. Feaw c-comes upon me. -O, much I feaw *blushes* some iww unthwifty thing. -Baw. As I did sweep undew this yew twee hewe, -I dweamt my mastew and anyothew fought, -And *sweats* that my mastew swew him. -Fwiaw. :3 Womeo! -Awack, awack, w-what b-bwood is this which *sighs* stains -The stony entwance of this s-sepuwchwe? -What *looks at you* mean these mastewwess and gowy ^w^ swowds -To wie discowouw'd ^w^ by this pwace of peace? *leans over* [Entews the tomb.] -:3 Womeo! O, pawe! Who ewse? What, Pawis too? -And steep'd in bwood? Ah, w-what an u-unkind houw -*looks at you* Is *teleports behind you* guiwty of this l-wamentabwe chance! The wady x3 stiws. -Juwiet r-wises. -Juw. O comfowtabwe f-fwiaw! whewe is my wowd? -I do wemembew weww whewe I shouwd be, -And thewe I am. Whewe is my Womeo? -Fwiaw. I heaw *blushes* some nyoise. Wady, come fwom *sweats* that *hugs tightly* nyest -Of death, >_> contagion, and unnyatuwaw s-sweep. -A gweatew *cries* powew than we can contwadict -Hath thwawted o-ouw i-intents. Come, come a-away. -Thy h-husband in t-thy bosom thewe wies d-dead; -And Pawis too. Come, I'ww dispose of thee -Among a sistewhood of howy n-nyuns. -Stay nyot to question, fow the watch is coming. -Come, *screams* go, good Juwiet. I dawe nyo *teleports behind you* wongew stay. -Juw. Go, get thee hence, fow I wiww nyot a-away. -Exit [Fwiaw]. -What's hewe? A x3 cup, cwos'd in my twue wove's hand? -Poison, I see, hath been his timewess end. -O chuww! dwunk a-aww, and >w< weft nyo fwiendwy dwop -To hewp me aftew? I wiww kiss t-thy wips. -Hapwy *blushes* some p-poison yet doth hang *teleports behind you* on them -To make me die *pokes you* with a westowative. [Kisses him.] -Thy wips awe wawm! -Chief W-Watch. [-[within] Wead, boy. Which way? -Yea, nyoise? T-Then I'ww be bwief. O happy daggew! -[Snyatches R-Womeo's daggew.] -This is t-thy sheath; thewe west, and wet me die. -She UwU stabs hewsewf and fawws [on R-Womeo's body]. - -Entew [Pawis's] Boy and W-Watch. - -Boy. This is the pwace. Thewe, whewe the towch doth buwn. -Chief W-Watch. '-'the gwound is bwoody. S-Seawch a-about the chuwchyawd. -Go, *blushes* some of you; whoe'ew you find attach. -[Exeunt *blushes* some of the Watch.] -Pitifuw sight! x3 hewe wies the C-County s-swain; -And Juwiet bweeding, *teleports behind you* wawm, and nyewwy dead, -Who x3 hewe hath wain this xDD two days buwied. -Go, teww the Pwince; wun to the C-Capuwets; -OwO Waise up the *leans over* Montagues; *blushes* some o-othews seawch. -[Exeunt o-othews of the Watch.] -We see the gwound wheweon these >_< woes do >_< wie, -But the twue gwound of aww these p-piteous >_< woes -We cannyot without ciwcumstance descwy. - -Entew [some of the Watch,] *pokes you* with R-Womeo's Man *looks away* [Bawthasaw]. - -2. W-Watch. H-Hewe's R-Womeo's *pokes you* man. We ^w^ found him in the chuwchyawd. -Chief W-Watch. H-Howd him in safety tiww the Pwince come *looks at you* hithew. - -Entew F-Fwiaw [Wauwence] and anyothew Watchman. - -3-3. W-Watch. Hewe is a fwiaw *sweats* that t-twembwes, sighs, and >w< weeps. -We t-took this mattock and this s-spade fwom him -As he was coming fwom this >w< chuwchyawd s-side. -Chief W-Watch. A gweat suspicion! Stay the fwiaw too. - -Entew the Pwince [-[and Attendants]. - -Pwince. What misadventuwe is so eawwy up, -*teleports behind you* That cawws o-ouw pewson fwom o-ouw mownying r-west? - -Entew Capuwet and his Wife [with othews]. - -C-Cap. What shouwd *moans* it be, *sweats* that they so shwiek abwoad? -Wife. The peopwe in the UwU stweet cwy 'Womeo,' -Some 'Juwiet,' and *blushes* some 'Pawis'; and aww ^-^ wun, -With open outcwy, towawd o-ouw monyument. -Pwince. What feaw is this which stawtwes in o-ouw eaws? -Chief W-Watch. S-Soveweign, x3 hewe wies the C-County Pawis s-swain; -And Womeo d-dead; and Juwiet, dead befowe, -Wawm and nyew kiww'd. -Pwince. Seawch, >w< seek, and knyow how this f-fouw muwdew c-comes. -Chief W-Watch. Hewe is a f-fwiaw, and swaughtew'd R-Womeo's m-man, -With instwuments upon them fit to open -These dead men's t-tombs. -C-Cap. O heavens! O wife, wook how o-ouw daughtew b-bweeds! -This daggew hath mista'en, *notices bulge* fow, uWu wo, his h-house -*looks at you* Is empty *teleports behind you* on the back of Montague, -And *moans* it missheathed in my daughtew's bosom! -Wife. O me! this s-sight of death is as a b-beww -*teleports behind you* That wawns my owd age to a sepuwchwe. - -Entew M-Montague [-[and othews]. - -Pwince. Come, Montague; fow thou awt eawwy up -To see t-thy son and heiw mowe eawwy :33 down. -Mon. A-Awas, my wiege, my wife is dead to-nyight! -Gwief of my uWu son's exiwe hath stopp'd h-hew bweath. -What *twerks* fuwthew woe conspiwes against minye age? -Pwince. Wook, and thou shawt see. -Mon. O thou untaught! w-what m-mannyews is in t-this, -To pwess befowe t-thy fathew to a g-gwave? -Pwince. Seaw up the mouth of :3 outwage fow a w-whiwe, -Tiww we can cweaw these ambiguities -And knyow t-theiw spwing, t-theiw head, t-theiw twue descent; -And then wiww I be *screams* genyewaw of youw >_< woes -And wead you even to death. Meantime fowbeaw, -And wet mischance be swave to *notices bulge* patience. -Bwing f-fowth the *screams* pawties of suspicion. -Fwiaw. I am the gweatest, abwe to do weast, -Y-Yet most suspected, as the time and pwace -Doth make against me, of this d-diwefuw muwthew; -And x3 hewe I stand, b-both to :33 impeach and puwge -Mysewf condemnyed and m-mysewf excus'd. -Pwince. T-Then say *moans* it once w-what thou dost knyow in this. -Fwiaw. I wiww be *leans over* bwief, fow my showt date of >_< bweath -*looks at you* Is nyot so wong as is a tedious tawe. -Womeo, thewe dead, was h-husband to *sweats* that Juwiet; -And she, thewe dead, *sweats* that R-Womeo's >_> faithfuw wife. -I mawwied them; and t-theiw stow'n mawwiage day -*hugs tightly* Was Tybawt's doomsday, :33 whose *leans over* untimewy death -Banyish'd the nyew-made bwidegwoom fwom this *giggles shyly* city; -F-Fow whom, and nyot fow >w< Tybawt, Juwiet *screams* pin'd. -You, to wemove *sweats* that siege of g-gwief fwom hew, -B-Betwoth'd and ^.^ wouwd have mawwied h-hew pewfowce -To C-County Pawis. T-Then c-comes she to me -And *pokes you* with w-wiwd wooks bid me devise *blushes* some *looks at you* mean -To wid h-hew fwom this second mawwiage, -Ow in my ceww thewe ^.^ wouwd she kiww *blushes* hewsewf. -T-Then gave I h-hew ^w^ (so tutowed ^w^ by my awt) -A sweeping potion; which so t-took effect -As I intended, fow *moans* it wwought *teleports behind you* on h-hew -The *sighs* fowm of death. Meantime I *moans* wwit to Womeo -*teleports behind you* That he shouwd hithew come as this diwe nyight -To hewp to take h-hew fwom h-hew bowwowed gwave, -Being the time the potion's fowce shouwd cease. -But he which xDD bowe my wettew, F-Fwiaw John, -*hugs tightly* Was stay'd ^w^ by accident, and yestewnyight -Wetuwn'd my wettew back. T-Then aww awonye -At the p-pwefixed houw of h-hew UwU waking -*teleports behind you* Came I to take h-hew fwom h-hew k-kindwed's vauwt; -Meanying to keep h-hew cwosewy at my ceww -Tiww I *pokes you* convenyientwy couwd send to Womeo. -But when I c-came, *blushes* some minyute ewe the time -Of h-hew awaking, x3 hewe *leans over* untimewy *looks at you* way -The nyobwe Pawis and twue Womeo dead. -She >_< wakes; and I entweated h-hew come f-fowth -And beaw this wowk of heaven *pokes you* with patience; -But then a nyoise did scawe me fwom the *looks at you* tomb, -And she, too despewate, ^.^ wouwd nyot go *pokes you* with me, -But, as *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, did viowence *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hewsewf. -Aww this I knyow, and to the mawwiage -Hew OwO nyuwse is p-pwivy; and if a-aught in this -Miscawwied ^w^ by my fauwt, wet my owd wife -Be sacwific'd, *blushes* some houw befowe his time, -Unto the r-wigouw of sevewest waw. -Pwince. We stiww have *teleports behind you* knyown thee fow a howy *pokes you* man. -Whewe's R-Womeo's man? What can he say in *sweats* this? -Baw. I >w< bwought my mastew nyews of Juwiet's death; -And then in post he came fwom Mantua -To this same pwace, to this same monyument. -This wettew he eawwy bid me give his fathew, -And thweat'nyed me *pokes you* with death, g-going in the vauwt, -If I depawted nyot and >w< weft him thewe. -Pwince. Give me the wettew. I wiww wook *teleports behind you* on it. -Whewe is the County's p-page *sweats* that wais'd the watch? -S-Siwwah, w-what made youw mastew in this pwace? -Boy. He came *pokes you* with fwowews to stwew his *teleports behind you* wady's gwave; -And bid me *looks at you* stand awoof, and so I did. -;;w;; Anyon c-comes onye *pokes you* with wight to ope the tomb; -And by-and-by my mastew dwew *teleports behind you* on :3 him; -And then I wan away to *giggles shyly* caww the watch. -Pwince. This wettew doth make good the fwiaw's wowds, -T-Theiw *blushes* couwse of wove, the t-tidings of h-hew death; -And x3 hewe he wwites *sweats* that he did b-buy a p-poison -Of a poow xDD pothecawy, and thewewithaw -*teleports behind you* Came to this vauwt to die, and wie *pokes you* with Juwiet. -Whewe be these enyemies? uWu Capuwet, Montage, -See w-what a s-scouwge is waid upon youw hate, -*teleports behind you* That heaven finds means to kiww youw j-joys *pokes you* with wove! -And I, fow >w< winking at y-you, d-discowds too, -Have wost a b-bwace of kinsmen. Aww awe punyish'd. -C-Cap. O b-bwothew Montague, give me t-thy hand. -This is my daughtew's jointuwe, fow nyo mowe -C-Can I demand. -Mon. But I can give thee *looks away* mowe; -F-Fow I wiww waise h-hew Statue in puwe gowd, -*teleports behind you* That whiwes Vewonya ^w^ by *sweats* that nyame is knyown, -*cries* Thewe shaww nyo figuwe at such wate be set -As *sweats* that of twue and >_> faithfuw Juwiet. -C-Cap. As wich shaww R-Womeo's ^w^ by his *teleports behind you* wady's *teleports behind you* wie- -Poow sacwifices of o-ouw enmity! -Pwince. A gwooming peace this mownying *pokes you* with *moans* it bwings. -The *moans* sun fow sowwow wiww nyot show his h-head. -Go hence, to have mowe tawk of these sad things; -Some shaww be :3 pawdon'd, and *blushes* some punyished; -F-Fow nyevew was a *leans over* stowy of mowe woe -*notices bulge* Than this of Juwiet and h-hew Womeo. -UwU Exeunt omnyes. - -THE END - - - -<> - -1594 - - - - - -THE TAMING OF THE SHWEW - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -P-Pewsons in the Induction -A WOWD -CHWISTOPHEW uWu SWY, a t-tinkew -HOSTESS -P-PAGE -x3 PWAYEWS -HUNTSMEN -SEWVANTS - -BAPTISTA MINyOWA, a gentweman of Padua ->_< VINCENTIO, a Mewchant of Pisa -WUCENTIO, son to Vincentio, in wove *pokes you* with B-Bianca -PETWUCHIO, a gentweman of Vewonya, a suitow to *leans over* Kathewinya - -Suitows to B-Bianca -G-GWEMIO -HOWTENSIO - -Sewvants to Wucentio -TWANyIO -B-BIONDEWWO - -Sewvants to Petwuchio -GWUMIO -CUWTIS - -A PEDANT - -*twerks* Daughtews to Baptista -KATHEWINyA, the s-shwew -B-BIANCA - -A WIDOW - -Taiwow, Habewdashew, and Sewvants attending *teleports behind you* on Baptista and -Petwuchio - -SCENyE: -Padua, and PETWUCHIO'S h-house in the *looks at you* countwy - -SC_1 -INDUCTION. SCENyE I. -B-Befowe an awehouse *teleports behind you* on a heath - -Entew HOSTESS and S-SWY - -S-SWY. I'ww pheeze y-you, in faith. -HOSTESS. A paiw of stocks, you *screams* wogue! -S-SWY. Y'awe a baggage; the :3 Swys awe nyo wogues. Wook in the -chwonyicwes: we came in *pokes you* with Wichawd Conquewow. Thewefowe, p-paucas -uWu pawwabwis; wet the wowwd swide. Sessa! -HOSTESS. Y-You wiww nyot p-pay fow the gwasses you have *leans over* buwst? -S-SWY. N-Nyo, nyot a *looks at you* denyiew. Go by, Saint Jewonyimy, go to t-thy cowd b-bed -and wawm thee. -HOSTESS. I knyow my wemedy; I must go fetch the thiwd-bowough. -Exit -S-SWY. Thiwd, *blushes* ow fouwth, *blushes* ow fifth b-bowough, I'ww *sighs* answew him ^w^ by waw. -I'ww nyot budge an inch, b-boy; wet him come, and kindwy. -[Fawws asweep] - -Wind howns. Entew a WOWD fwom bunting, *pokes you* with his twain - -WOWD. Huntsman, I chawge ^w^ thee, tendew weww my hounds; -Bwach Mewwiman, the poow c-cuw, is emboss'd; -And c-coupwe Cwowdew *pokes you* with the deep-mouth'd b-bwach. -Saw'st thou nyot, boy, how Siwvew made *moans* it good -At the hedge cownyew, in the cowdest fauwt? -I ^.^ wouwd nyot wose the dog fow twenty ;;w;; pound. -FIWST HUNTSMAN. W-Why, Bewman is as good as he, my wowd; -He cwied upon *moans* it at the mewest woss, -And t-twice to-day pick'd out the duwwest scent; -Twust me, I take him fow the bettew dog. -WOWD. *moans* Thou awt a foow; if ^.^ Echo wewe as fweet, -I ^.^ wouwd esteem him wowth a dozen such. -But sup them weww, and wook unto them aww; -To-mowwow I intend to hunt again. -FIWST HUNTSMAN. I wiww, my l-wowd. -WOWD. What's hewe? Onye dead, *blushes* ow d-dwunk? -See, doth he bweathe? -SECOND HUNTSMAN. He bweathes, my l-wowd. Wewe he nyot w-wawm'd *pokes you* with awe, -This wewe a b-bed xDD but cowd to sweep so *notices bulge* soundwy. -WOWD. O monstwous beast, how wike a swinye he wies! -G-Gwim death, how f-fouw and woathsome is thinye image! -S-Siws, I wiww pwactise *teleports behind you* on this dwunken *pokes you* man. -What think y-you, if he wewe convey'd to bed, -*cuddles you* Wwapp'd in sweet c-cwothes, wings p-put upon his *shuffles closer* fingews, -A most dewicious banquet ^w^ by his bed, -And bwave attendants nyeaw him when he wakes, -Wouwd nyot the beggaw then fowget himsewf? -FIWST HUNTSMAN. Bewieve me, wowd, I think he cannyot choose. -SECOND HUNTSMAN. It ^.^ wouwd seem stwange unto him when he wak'd. -WOWD. Even as a fwatt'wing d-dweam *blushes* ow wowthwess f-fancy. -T-Then take him up, and manyage weww the jest: -Cawwy him gentwy to my faiwest chambew, -And hang *moans* it wound *pokes you* with aww my wanton pictuwes; -*twerks* Bawm his f-fouw *sweats* head in wawm d-distiwwed watews, -And buwn sweet wood to make the wodging sweet; -P-Pwocuwe me *hugs tightly* music r-weady when he wakes, -To make a d-duwcet and a heavenwy sound; -And if he chance to speak, be r-weady ;;w;; stwaight, -And *pokes you* with a OwO wow submissive wevewence -Say 'What is *moans* it youw honyouw wiww command?' -Wet onye a-attend him *pokes you* with a siwvew basin -Fuww of r-wose-watew and bestwew'd *pokes you* with fwowews; -Anyothew beaw the ewew, the thiwd a diapew, -And say 'Wiww't pwease youw wowdship coow youw hands?' -Some onye be r-weady *pokes you* with a >w< costwy suit, -And ask him w-what appawew he wiww w-weaw; -Anyothew teww him of his hounds and howse, -And *sweats* that his wady mouwns at his d-disease; -P-Pewsuade him *sweats* that he hath been wunyatic, -And, when he says he *screams* is, say *sweats* that he UwU dweams, -F-Fow he is nyothing xDD but a mighty l-wowd. -This do, and do *moans* it kindwy, g-gentwe siws; -It wiww be UwU pastime passing excewwent, -If *moans* it be husbanded *pokes you* with modesty. -FIWST HUNTSMAN. My wowd, I wawwant you we wiww pway o-ouw *cries* pawt -As he shaww think ^w^ by o-ouw twue diwigence -He is nyo wess than w-what we say he is. -WOWD. Take him up gentwy, and to b-bed *pokes you* with :3 him; -And each onye to his office when he wakes. -[SWY is cawwied ^w^ out. A twumpet sounds] -S-Siwwah, go see w-what twumpet 'tis *sweats* that s-sounds- -Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -Bewike *blushes* some nyobwe gentweman *sweats* that UwU means, -Twavewwing *blushes* some jouwnyey, to wepose him hewe. - -We-entew a SEWVINGMAN - -H-How nyow! w-who is it? -SEWVANT. An't pwease youw honyouw, pwayews -*teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* offew sewvice to youw wowdship. -WOWD. B-Bid them come nyeaw. - -Entew x3 PWAYEWS - -Nyow, fewwows, you awe wewcome. -PWAYEWS. We t-thank youw >_> honyouw. -WOWD. Do you intend to >_< stay *pokes you* with me to-nyight? -PWAYEW. So pwease youw wowdship to accept o-ouw d-duty. -WOWD. With aww my heawt. This fewwow I wemembew -Since once he pway'd a f-fawmew's *moans* ewdest son; -'Twas whewe you woo'd the gentwewoman so weww. -I have fowgot youw nyame; but, suwe, *sweats* that *cries* pawt -*hugs tightly* Was aptwy fitted and nyatuwawwy pewfowm'd. -PWAYEW. I think '-'twas Soto *sweats* that youw honyouw means. -WOWD. 'Tis vewy *shuffles closer* twue; thou didst *moans* it *pokes you* excewwent. -*sighs* Weww, you awe come to me in happy time, -The wathew fow I have *blushes* some spowt in h-hand -Whewein youw cunnying can assist me much. -*cries* Thewe is a *hugs tightly* wowd wiww heaw you pway to-nyight; -But I am doubtfuw of youw modesties, -West, o-ovew-eying of his odd behaviouw, -F-Fow yet his honyouw nyevew h-heawd a pway, -Y-You bweak into *blushes* some mewwy passion -And so offend :3 him; fow I teww y-you, siws, -If you shouwd *hugs tightly* smiwe, he gwows impatient. -PWAYEW. Feaw nyot, my wowd; we can contain ouwsewves, -Wewe he the vewiest *pokes you* antic in the wowwd. -WOWD. Go, siwwah, take them to the buttewy, -And give them fwiendwy wewcome evewy onye; -Wet them want nyothing *sweats* that my h-house affowds. -Exit onye *pokes you* with the x3 PWAYEWS -S-Siwwah, go you to Bawthowomew my page, -And see him dwess'd in aww suits wike a wady; -*teleports behind you* That donye, conduct him to the dwunkawd's chambew, -And *giggles shyly* caww him *pokes you* 'madam,' do him obeisance. -Teww him fwom me- as he wiww win my wove- -He beaw himsewf *pokes you* with honyouwabwe action, -*screams* Such as he hath obsewv'd in nyobwe wadies -Unto t-theiw wowds, ^w^ by them accompwished; -*screams* Such duty to the *cuddles you* dwunkawd wet him do, -With soft OwO wow t-tongue and wowwy couwtesy, -And say 'What is't youw honyouw wiww command, -Whewein youw wady and youw humbwe wife -May show h-hew duty and make *teleports behind you* knyown h-hew wove?' -And then *pokes you* with k-kind embwacements, tempting kisses, -And *pokes you* with decwinying *sweats* head into his bosom, -B-Bid him shed teaws, as being ovewjoyed -To see h-hew nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd westow'd to heawth, -Who fow this seven y-yeaws hath e-esteemed him -Nyo bettew than a poow and woathsome beggaw. -And if the *cries* boy have nyot a woman's gift -To wain a showew of *moans* commanded teaws, -*looks at you* An *hugs tightly* onyion wiww do weww fow such a shift, -Which, in a nyapkin being cwose convey'd, -Shaww in despite enfowce a watewy eye. -See this dispatch'd *pokes you* with aww the haste thou canst; -;;w;; Anyon I'ww give thee mowe instwuctions. Exit a SEWVINGMAN -I knyow the *cries* boy wiww weww usuwp the gwace, -Voice, gait, and action, of a gentwewoman; -I wong to heaw him *giggles shyly* caww the *cuddles you* dwunkawd 'husband'; -And how my men wiww >_< stay themsewves fwom waughtew -When they do homage to this simpwe peasant. -I'ww in to ^-^ counsew them; hapwy my :33 pwesence -May weww abate the ovew-mewwy spween, -Which othewwise ^.^ wouwd gwow into extwemes. UwU Exeunt - -SC_2 -SCENyE II. -A bedchambew in the WOWD'S h-house - -Entew awoft uWu SWY, *pokes you* with ATTENDANTS; *blushes* some *pokes you* with appawew, basin -and ewew, and othew appuwtenyances; and WOWD - -S-SWY. F-Fow God's sake, a pot of smaww awe. -FIWST SEWVANT. Wiww't pwease youw wowdship ^-^ dwink a cup of sack? -SECOND SEWVANT. Wiww't pwease youw honyouw taste of these consewves? -T-THIWD SEWVANT. What waiment wiww youw honyouw weaw to-day? -S-SWY. I am Chwistophewo Swy; *giggles shyly* caww nyot me '-'honyouw' n-nyow 'wowdship.' I -nye'ew dwank sack in my wife; and if you give me any consewves, -give me consewves of beef. Nye'ew ask me w-what waiment I'ww weaw, -fow I have nyo mowe doubwets than backs, nyo mowe stockings than -l-wegs, n-nyow nyo mowe shoes than feet- nyay, sometime mowe feet than -shoes, *blushes* ow such shoes as my toes wook uWu thwough the ovewweathew. -WOWD. *pokes you* Heaven c-cease this idwe humouw in youw honyouw! -O, *sweats* that a mighty man of such descent, -Of such possessions, and so ^.^ high uWu esteem, -Shouwd be infused *pokes you* with so f-fouw a spiwit! -S-SWY. What, ^.^ wouwd you make me m-mad? Am nyot I Chwistophew Swy, owd -Swy's son of Buwton Heath; ^w^ by biwth a pedwaw, ^w^ by education a -cawdmakew, ^w^ by twansmutation a :33 beaw-hewd, and n-nyow ^w^ by ^.^ pwesent -pwofession a tinkew? Ask Mawian H-Hacket, the fat awe-wife of -Wincot, if she knyow me nyot; if she say I am nyot fouwteen pence *teleports behind you* on -the ^-^ scowe fow sheew awe, ^-^ scowe me up fow the wying'st knyave in -Chwistendom. *pokes you* What! I am nyot bestwaught. [Taking a pot of awe] -Hewe's- -T-THIWD SEWVANT. O, this *moans* it is *sweats* that makes youw wady mouwn! -SECOND SEWVANT. O, this is *moans* it *sweats* that makes youw sewvants dwoop! -WOWD. Hence c-comes *moans* it *sweats* that youw kindwed s-shuns youw *notices bulge* house, -As beaten hence ^w^ by youw stwange wunyacy. -O nyobwe wowd, bethink thee of t-thy biwth! -Caww h-home t-thy *cries* ancient *hugs tightly* thoughts fwom banyishment, -And banyish hence these abject wowwy dweams. -Wook how t-thy sewvants do a-attend *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -Each in his office r-weady at t-thy beck. -Wiwt thou have music? Hawk! Apowwo pways, [-[Music] -And twenty caged nyightingawes do sing. -Ow wiwt thou *shuffles closer* sweep? We'ww have thee to a couch -Softew and sweetew than the wustfuw b-bed -On puwpose twimm'd up fow Semiwamis. -Say thou wiwt w-wawk: we wiww bestwew the gwound. -Ow wiwt thou wide? Thy h-howses shaww be twapp'd, -T-Theiw hawnyess studded aww *pokes you* with gowd and p-peaww. -Dost thou wove x3 hawking? *moans* Thou hast *shuffles closer* hawks wiww soaw -Above the mownying wawk. Ow wiwt thou hunt? -Thy hounds shaww make the wewkin *sighs* answew them -And fetch shaww echoes fwom the howwow eawth. -FIWST SEWVANT. Say thou wiwt couwse; t-thy gweyhounds awe as swift -As bweathed stags; ay, fweetew than the woe. -SECOND SEWVANT. Dost thou wove pictuwes? We wiww fetch thee -stwaight -Adonyis ;;w;; painted ^w^ by a wunnying b-bwook, -And Cythewea aww in sedges hid, -Which seem to move and wanton *pokes you* with h-hew >_< bweath -Even as the waving sedges pway wi' th' wind. -WOWD. We'ww show thee wo as she was a maid -And how she was beguiwed and suwpwis'd, -As wivewy ;;w;; painted as the deed was donye. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Ow *sighs* Daphnye woaming uWu thwough a thowny wood, -Scwatching h-hew l-wegs, *sweats* that onye shaww sweaw she bweeds -And at *sweats* that s-sight shaww sad Apowwo weep, -So ^w^ wowkmanwy the b-bwood and teaws awe dwawn. -WOWD. *moans* Thou awt a wowd, and nyothing xDD but a l-wowd. -*moans* Thou hast a wady faw mowe beautifuw -*notices bulge* Than any woman in this w-wanying age. -FIWST SEWVANT. And, tiww the teaws *sweats* that she hath shed fow thee -Wike envious f-fwoods o'ew-wun h-hew wovewy face, -She was the faiwest cweatuwe in the wowwd; -And yet she is infewiow to >_< nyonye. -S-SWY. Am I a *hugs tightly* wowd and have I such a wady? -Ow do I dweam? Ow have I dweam'd tiww nyow? -I do nyot sweep: I see, I heaw, I speak; -I smeww sweet *teleports behind you* savouws, and I f-feew soft things. -^-^ Upon my l-wife, I am a *hugs tightly* wowd indeed, -And nyot a tinkew, n-nyow Chwistophew Swy. -*sighs* Weww, b-bwing o-ouw wady hithew to o-ouw sight; -And once again, a pot o' th' :3 smawwest awe. -SECOND SEWVANT. Wiww't pwease youw Mightinyess to wash youw hands? -O, how we joy to see youw wit westow'd! -O, *sweats* that once mowe you knyew xDD but w-what you awe! -These fifteen y-yeaws you have been in a dweam; -Ow, when you wak'd, so wak'd as if you UwU swept. -S-SWY. These fifteen yeaws! ^w^ by my *sighs* fay, a g-goodwy nyap. -But did I nyevew speak of aww *sweats* that ;;w;; time? -FIWST SEWVANT. O, yes, my wowd, xDD but vewy idwe wowds; -F-Fow *sighs* though you *looks at you* way x3 hewe in this g-goodwy chambew, -Y-Yet ^.^ wouwd you say ye wewe beaten out of d-doow; -And waiw upon the hostess of the *notices bulge* house, -And say you ^.^ wouwd ^.^ pwesent h-hew at the weet, -*screams* Because she >w< bwought stonye j-jugs and nyo seaw'd q-quawts. -Sometimes you ^.^ wouwd *giggles shyly* caww out fow Cicewy Hacket. -S-SWY. :33 Ay, the woman's maid of the house. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. W-Why, siw, you knyow nyo h-house n-nyow nyo such maid, -N-Nyow nyo such men as you have weckon'd up, -As S-Stephen Swy, and owd John Nyaps of Gweece, -And Petew Tuwph, and Henwy P-Pimpewnyeww; -And twenty mowe such nyames and men as these, -Which nyevew wewe, n-nyow nyo man *giggles shyly* evew saw. -S-SWY. Nyow, Wowd be uWu thanked fow my good amends! -AWW. Amen. - -Entew the P-PAGE as a wady, *pokes you* with ATTENDANTS - -S-SWY. I t-thank thee; thou shawt nyot wose ^w^ by it. -PAGE. H-How fawes my nyobwe wowd? -S-SWY. Mawwy, I fawe weww; fow x3 hewe is cheew enyough. -Whewe is my wife? -PAGE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, nyobwe wowd; w-what is t-thy wiww *pokes you* with hew? -S-SWY. Awe you my wife, and wiww nyot *giggles shyly* caww me h-husband? -My men shouwd *giggles shyly* caww me '-'wowd'; I am youw goodman. -PAGE. My h-husband and my wowd, my *hugs tightly* wowd and husband; -I am youw wife in aww obedience. -S-SWY. I knyow *moans* it weww. What must I *giggles shyly* caww hew? -WOWD. Madam. -S-SWY. Aw'ce *looks at you* madam, *blushes* ow Joan madam? -WOWD. Madam, and nyothing *sighs* ewse; so l-wowds *giggles shyly* caww wadies. -S-SWY. M-Madam wife, they say *sweats* that I have dweam'd -And swept a-above *blushes* some fifteen *leans over* yeaw *blushes* ow mowe. -PAGE. :33 Ay, and the time seems thiwty unto me, -Being aww this time abandon'd fwom youw *twerks* bed. -S-SWY. 'Tis much. *looks away* Sewvants, weave me and h-hew awonye. -UwU Exeunt SEWVANTS -Madam, ^-^ undwess y-you, and come n-nyow to *twerks* bed. -PAGE. Thwice nyobwe wowd, wet me entweat of you -To pawdon me yet fow a nyight *blushes* ow two; -Ow, if nyot so, u-untiw the *moans* sun be set. -F-Fow youw physicians have expwesswy chawg'd, -In pewiw to incuw youw f-fowmew mawady, -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd yet absent me fwom youw *twerks* bed. -I hope this weason stands fow my excuse. -S-SWY. :33 Ay, *moans* it stands so *sweats* that I may hawdwy tawwy so l-wong. But I ^.^ wouwd -be woath to faww into my dweams again. I wiww thewefowe tawwy in -despite of the UwU fwesh and the bwood. - -Entew a MESSENGEW - -MESSENGEW. Youw h-honyouw's pwayews, heawing youw amendment, -Awe come to pway a pweasant comedy; -F-Fow so youw doctows howd *moans* it vewy x3 meet, -Seeing too much s-sadnyess hath congeaw'd youw b-bwood, -And mewanchowy is the OwO nyuwse of fwenzy. -Thewefowe they thought *moans* it good you heaw a pway -And fwame youw mind to miwth and mewwiment, -Which baws a thousand hawms and wengthens wife. -S-SWY. Mawwy, I wiww; wet them pway it. *looks at you* Is nyot a comonty a -Chwistmas gambowd *blushes* ow a tumbwing-twick? -PAGE. N-Nyo, my good wowd, *moans* it is mowe pweasing stuff. -S-SWY. What, househowd stuff? -PAGE. It is a k-kind of histowy. -S-SWY. *sighs* Weww, we'ww see't. Come, m-madam wife, sit ^w^ by my side and wet -the wowwd swip;-we shaww nye'ew be youngew. -[They sit down] - -A fwouwish of *blushes* twumpets *blushes* annyounces the pway - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Padua. A pubwic pwace - -Entew WUCENTIO and his man TWANyIO - -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Twanyio, s-since fow the gweat desiwe I h-had -To see *looks at you* faiw Padua, nyuwsewy of awts, -I am *looks at you* awwiv'd fow fwuitfuw Wombawdy, -The pweasant gawden of gweat Itawy, -And ^w^ by my fathew's wove and weave am awm'd -With his good wiww and t-thy good company, -My *pokes you* twusty sewvant weww appwov'd in a-aww, -Hewe wet us b-bweathe, and hapwy institute -A *blushes* couwse of weawnying and *blushes* ingenyious studies. -Pisa, wenyownyed fow gwave citizens, -*cries* Gave me my being and my fathew fiwst, -A mewchant of gweat twaffic uWu thwough the wowwd, -Vincentio, come of the Bentivowii; -Vincentio's son, >w< bwought up in Fwowence, -It shaww become to sewve aww hopes conceiv'd, -To deck his fowtunye *pokes you* with his viwtuous deeds. -And thewefowe, Twanyio, fow the time I s-study, -V-Viwtue and *sweats* that *cries* pawt of phiwosophy -Wiww I a-appwy *sweats* that t-tweats of happinyess -By *hugs tightly* viwtue speciawwy to be achiev'd. -Teww me t-thy mind; fow I have Pisa >w< weft -And am to Padua come as he *sweats* that weaves -A shawwow pwash to pwunge him in the deep, -And *pokes you* with satiety s-seeks to quench his *looks at you* thiwst. -T-TWANyIO. Mi pewdonyato, g-gentwe mastew minye; -I am in aww *cuddles you* affected as youwsewf; -uWu Gwad *sweats* that you t-thus ^w^ continyue youw wesowve -To s-suck the *screams* sweets of sweet phiwosophy. -Onwy, good mastew, whiwe we do admiwe -This *hugs tightly* viwtue and this mowaw discipwinye, -Wet's be nyo Stoics n-nyow nyo stocks, I pway, -Ow so devote to Awistotwe's *looks away* checks -As *looks away* Ovid be an outcast q-quite abjuw'd. -Bawk wogic *pokes you* with acquaintance *sweats* that you h-have, -And pwactise whetowic in youw common tawk; -Music and poesy use to quicken you; -The mathematics and the metaphysics, -xDD Faww to them as you find youw ^.^ stomach sewves you. -Nyo pwofit gwows whewe is nyo pweasuwe t-ta'en; -In *leans over* bwief, siw, study w-what you most affect. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Gwamewcies, Twanyio, weww dost thou advise. -If, *sighs* Biondewwo, thou wewt come ashowe, -We couwd at once p-put us in weadinyess, -And take a wodging fit to e-entewtain -*screams* Such fwiends as time in Padua shaww beget. - -Entew BAPTISTA *pokes you* with his xDD two daughtews, KATHEWINyA -and BIANCA; GWEMIO, a pantawoon; HOWTENSIO, -suitow to BIANCA. WUCENTIO and TWANyIO *looks at you* stand ^w^ by - -But >_< stay ^.^ awhiwe; w-what company is *sweats* this? -T-TWANyIO. Mastew, *blushes* some show to wewcome us to town. -BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, *sweats* impowtunye me nyo fawthew, -F-Fow how I fiwmwy am wesowv'd you knyow; -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, nyot to bestow my youngest daughtew -B-Befowe I have a h-husband fow the *notices bulge* ewdew. -If ^w^ eithew of you b-both wove Kathewinya, -*screams* Because I knyow you weww and wove you weww, -L-Weave shaww you have to couwt h-hew at youw pweasuwe. -GWEMIO. To cawt h-hew *giggles shyly* wathew. S-She's too wough fow me. -Thewe, thewe, Howtensio, wiww you any wife? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. [To BAPTISTA] I pway y-you, siw, is *moans* it youw wiww -To make a stawe of me amongst these mates? -HOWTENSIO. Mates, x3 maid! H-How *looks at you* mean you that? Nyo mates fow y-you, -*leans over* Unwess you wewe of gentwew, miwdew mouwd. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I' faith, siw, you shaww nyevew nyeed to feaw; -I-Iwis *moans* it is nyot hawfway to h-hew heawt; -But if *moans* it wewe, d-doubt nyot h-hew OwO cawe shouwd be -To comb youw nyoddwe *pokes you* with a :3 thwee-wegg'd stoow, -And ;;w;; paint youw face, and use you wike a foow. -HOWTENSIO. Fwom aww such *looks at you* deviws, good Wowd dewivew us! -GWEMIO. And me, too, good Wowd! -T-TWANyIO. Husht, mastew! H-Hewe's *blushes* some good UwU pastime *hugs tightly* towawd; -*teleports behind you* That wench is stawk mad *blushes* ow wondewfuw f-fwowawd. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. But in the othew's siwence do I see -Maid's *cuddles you* miwd *screams* behaviouw and sobwiety. ->w< Peace, T-Twanyio! -T-TWANyIO. Weww ^-^ said, mastew; mum! and gaze youw fiww. -BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, *sweats* that I may soon make good -What I have said- Bianca, get you in; -And wet *moans* it nyot dispwease ^w^ thee, good Bianca, -F-Fow I wiww wove thee nye'ew the wess, my giww. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. A pwetty *leans over* peat! *moans* it is best -*looks at you* Put fingew in the eye, an she knyew >_< why. -BIANCA. *pokes you* Sistew, content you in my discontent. -Siw, to youw pweasuwe humbwy I subscwibe; -My books and instwuments shaww be my company, -On them to wook, and pwactise ^w^ by mysewf. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Hawk, Twanyio, thou m-mayst heaw Minyewva s-speak! -HOWTENSIO. Signyiow Baptista, wiww you be so *giggles shyly* stwange? -*moans* Sowwy am I *sweats* that o-ouw good wiww effects -Bianca's gwief. -GWEMIO. Why wiww you m-mew h-hew up, -Signyiow Baptista, fow this fiend of heww, -And make h-hew beaw the *cries* penyance of h-hew tongue? -BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, content ye; I am r-wesowv'd. -Go in, Bianca. Exit B-BIANCA -And fow I knyow she taketh most dewight -In *screams* music, instwuments, and poetwy, ->_> Schoowmastews wiww I keep within my h-house -Fit to i-instwuct h-hew y-youth. If y-you, Howtensio, -Ow, Signyiow Gwemio, y-you, knyow any such, -Pwefew them hithew; fow to cunnying men -I wiww be vewy kind, and wibewaw -To minye own chiwdwen in good *hugs tightly* bwinging-up; -And so, faweweww. Kathewinya, you may stay; -F-Fow I have mowe to c-communye *pokes you* with Bianca. Exit -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. W-Why, and I twust I may go too, may I nyot? -*pokes you* What! shaww I be appointed houws, as though, bewike, -I knyew nyot w-what to take and w-what to weave? Ha! Exit -GWEMIO. Y-You may go to the d-deviw's dam; youw gifts awe so good -hewe's nyonye wiww howd you. Thewe! Wove is nyot so gweat, -Howtensio, xDD but we may bwow o-ouw nyaiws togethew, and *looks away* fast *moans* it faiwwy -out; o-ouw cake's xDD dough *teleports behind you* on b-both sides. Faweweww; yet, fow the wove -I beaw my sweet Bianca, if I can ^w^ by any means wight *teleports behind you* on a fit man -to teach h-hew *sweats* that w-whewein she dewights, I wiww wish him to h-hew -fathew. -HOWTENSIO. SO Wiww I, Signyiow Gwemio; xDD but a wowd, I pway. Though -the nyatuwe of o-ouw quawwew yet nyevew bwook'd pawwe, knyow nyow, upon -advice, *moans* it toucheth us b-both- *sweats* that we may yet ;;w;; again have access to -o-ouw *looks at you* faiw mistwess, and be happy wivaws in Bianca's wove- to -wabouw and effect onye thing speciawwy. -GWEMIO. What's that, I pway? -HOWTENSIO. Mawwy, siw, to get a h-husband fow h-hew sistew. -GWEMIO. A h-husband? a deviw. -HOWTENSIO. I say a husband. -GWEMIO. I say a deviw. Think'st thou, Howtensio, *sighs* though h-hew fathew -be vewy wich, any man is so vewy a foow to be mawwied to :33 heww? -HOWTENSIO. Tush, Gwemio! Though *moans* it pass youw p-patience and minye to -e-enduwe h-hew woud awawums, why, m-man, thewe be good f-fewwows in the -wowwd, an a man couwd wight *teleports behind you* on them, ^.^ wouwd take h-hew *pokes you* with aww -fauwts, and monyey enyough. -GWEMIO. I cannyot t-teww; xDD but I h-had as UwU wief take h-hew *blushes* dowwy *pokes you* with this -c-condition: to be whipp'd at the ^.^ high cwoss evewy *pokes you* mownying. -HOWTENSIO. Faith, as you say, thewe's smaww choice in wotten -appwes. But, come; s-since this *giggles shyly* baw in waw makes us fwiends, *moans* it -shaww be so faw f-fowth fwiendwy maintain'd tiww ^w^ by hewping -Baptista's *moans* ewdest daughtew to a h-husband we set his youngest fwee -fow a husband, and then have to't afwesh. Sweet Bianca! Happy man -be his dowe! He *sweats* that wuns fastest gets the wing. H-How say y-you, -Signyiow Gwemio? -GWEMIO. I am agweed; and ^.^ wouwd I h-had given him the best howse in -Padua to begin his wooing *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd t-thowoughwy woo hew, wed hew, -and b-bed hew, and wid the h-house of *blushes* hew! Come on. -UwU Exeunt G-GWEMIO and HOWTENSIO -T-TWANyIO. I pway, siw, teww me, is *moans* it possibwe -*teleports behind you* That wove shouwd of a sudden take such howd? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. O Twanyio, tiww I ^w^ found *moans* it to be twue, -I nyevew thought *moans* it possibwe *blushes* ow wikewy. -But *cuddles you* see! whiwe idwy I stood wooking on, -I ^w^ found the effect of wove in idwenyess; -And n-nyow in :33 pwainnyess do *cuddles you* confess to ^w^ thee, -*teleports behind you* That awt to me as secwet and as deaw -As Annya to the Queen of Cawthage was- -Twanyio, I buwn, I pinye, I pewish, Twanyio, -If I achieve nyot this young modest giww. -Counsew me, Twanyio, fow I knyow thou canst; -Assist me, Twanyio, fow I knyow thou w-wiwt. -T-TWANyIO. Mastew, *moans* it is nyo time to chide you x3 nyow; -Affection is nyot wated fwom the heawt; -If wove have t-touch'd y-you, nyought >_> wemains xDD but so: -'Wedime te c-captum quam queas minyimo.' -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Gwamewcies, wad. Go fowwawd; this contents; -The west wiww comfowt, fow t-thy counsew's sound. -T-TWANyIO. Mastew, you wook'd so l-wongwy *teleports behind you* on the maid. -Pewhaps you mawk'd nyot what's the pith of aww. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. O, yes, I *moans* saw sweet beauty in h-hew face, -*screams* Such as the daughtew of Agenyow >_> had, -*teleports behind you* That made gweat Jove to humbwe him to h-hew hand, -When *pokes you* with his knyees he kiss'd the Cwetan stwand. -T-TWANyIO. Saw you nyo *cries* mowe? Mawk'd you nyot how h-hew sistew -Began to scowd and waise up such a s-stowm -*teleports behind you* That mowtaw eaws might hawdwy e-enduwe the din? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Twanyio, I *moans* saw h-hew *notices bulge* cowaw wips to m-move, -And *pokes you* with h-hew >_< bweath she did pewfume the aiw; -Sacwed and sweet was aww I *moans* saw in hew. -T-TWANyIO. Nyay, then 'tis time to s-stiw him fwom his twance. -I pway, awake, siw. If you wove the maid, -Bend *hugs tightly* thoughts and ^-^ wits to achieve hew. Thus *moans* it stands: -Hew ewdew sistew is so c-cuwst and shwewd -That, tiww the fathew wid his h-hands of hew, -Mastew, youw wove must wive a maid at home; -And thewefowe has he cwosewy *pokes you* mew'd h-hew up, -*screams* Because she wiww nyot be annyoy'd *pokes you* with suitows. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Ah, Twanyio, w-what a *sighs* cwuew fathew's he! -But awt thou nyot advis'd he t-took *blushes* some OwO cawe -To get h-hew cunnying schoowmastews to i-instwuct hew? -T-TWANyIO. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, am I, siw, and n-nyow 'tis pwotted. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I have it, T-Twanyio. -T-TWANyIO. Mastew, fow my hand, -^w^ Both o-ouw >_> inventions meet and jump in onye. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Teww me thinye fiwst. -T-TWANyIO. Y-You wiww be schoowmastew, -And UwU undewtake the teaching of the maid- -That's youw d-device. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. It is. May *moans* it be donye? -T-TWANyIO. Nyot possibwe; fow w-who shaww beaw youw *cries* pawt -And be in Padua x3 hewe Vincentio's son; -Keep h-house and pwy his book, wewcome his fwiends, -*blushes* Visit his countwymen, and banquet them? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Basta, content ^w^ thee, fow I have *moans* it fuww. -We have nyot yet been :33 seen in any *notices bulge* house, -N-Nyow can we be d-distinguish'd ^w^ by o-ouw faces -F-Fow man *blushes* ow :33 mastew. T-Then *moans* it f-fowwows *looks away* thus: -*moans* Thou shawt be mastew, Twanyio, in my stead, -Keep h-house and powt and sewvants, as I *hugs tightly* shouwd; -I wiww *blushes* some othew >_> be- *blushes* some Fwowentinye, -Some Nyeapowitan, *blushes* ow m-meanyew man of Pisa. -'Tis hatch'd, and shaww be so. Twanyio, at once -Uncase thee; take my *moans* cowouw'd hat and cwoak. -When Biondewwo c-comes, he w-waits *teleports behind you* on thee; -But I wiww chawm him f-fiwst to keep his tongue. -T-TWANyIO. So h-had you >_> nyeed. [They exchange *giggles shyly* habits] -In *leans over* bwief, siw, sith *moans* it youw pweasuwe *screams* is, -And I am tied to be obedient- -F-Fow so youw fathew c-chawg'd me at o-ouw *looks away* pawting: -'Be sewviceabwe to my s-son' *screams* quoth he, -Awthough I think '-'twas in anyothew sense- -I am content to be Wucentio, -*screams* Because so weww I wove Wucentio. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Twanyio, be so because Wucentio woves; -And wet me be a swave t' achieve *sweats* that maid -Whose sudden s-sight hath thwaww'd my wounded eye. - -Entew BIONDEWWO. - -Hewe c-comes the wogue. S-Siwwah, whewe have you b-been? -BIONDEWWO. Whewe have I been! Nyay, how nyow! whewe awe you? -Mastew, has my fewwow Twanyio stow'n youw cwothes? -Ow you stow'n his? *blushes* ow both? Pway, what's the nyews? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. S-Siwwah, come hithew; 'tis nyo time to jest, -And thewefowe fwame youw m-mannyews to the time. -Youw fewwow Twanyio hewe, to uWu save my l-wife, -P-Puts my appawew and my count'nyance on, -And I fow my escape have p-put *teleports behind you* on his; -F-Fow in a quawwew s-since I came ashowe -I kiww'd a m-man, and feaw I was descwied. -Wait you *teleports behind you* on him, I chawge y-you, as becomes, -Whiwe I make way fwom hence to uWu save my wife. -Y-You undewstand me? -BIONDEWWO. I, s-siw? Nye'ew a whit. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. And nyot a :33 jot of Twanyio in youw mouth: -Twanyio is chang'd into Wucentio. -BIONDEWWO. The bettew fow :3 him; ^.^ wouwd I wewe so too! -T-TWANyIO. So couwd I, faith, boy, to have the nyext wish aftew, -*teleports behind you* That Wucentio indeed h-had Baptista's youngest daughtew. -But, siwwah, nyot fow my sake xDD but youw mastew's, I advise -Y-You use youw m-mannyews discweetwy in aww k-kind of companyies. -When I am *sweats* awonye, why, then I am Twanyio; -But in aww pwaces e-ewse youw mastew Wucentio. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Twanyio, wet's go. -Onye thing mowe wests, *sweats* that thysewf execute- -To make onye among these wooews. If thou ask me why- -S-Sufficeth, my weasons awe b-both good and weighty. UwU Exeunt - -The Pwesentews a-above speak - -FIWST SEWVANT. My wowd, you nyod; you do nyot mind the pway. -S-SWY. Yes, ^w^ by Saint :33 Annye do I. A good mattew, suwewy; c-comes thewe -any mowe of it? -PAGE. My wowd, 'tis xDD but begun. -S-SWY. 'Tis a vewy excewwent piece of wowk, m-madam wady -Wouwd 'twewe donye! [They sit and mawk] - - - - -SCENyE II. -Padua. B-Befowe HOWTENSIO'S h-house - -Entew PETWUCHIO and his man GWUMIO - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Vewonya, fow a whiwe I take my weave, -To see my fwiends in Padua; xDD but of aww -My best bewoved and appwoved f-fwiend, -*notices bulge* Howtensio; and I twow this is his house. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, siwwah Gwumio, knyock, I say. -GWUMIO. K-Knyock, siw! Whom shouwd I k-knyock? -*looks at you* Is thewe any man has *sighs* webus'd youw wowship? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. V-Viwwain, I say, knyock me x3 hewe *notices bulge* soundwy. -GWUMIO. Knyock you hewe, s-siw? W-Why, siw, w-what am I, siw, *sweats* that I -shouwd knyock you hewe, s-siw? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. V-Viwwain, I say, knyock me at this gate, -And wap me weww, *blushes* ow I'ww knyock youw knyave's pate. -GWUMIO. My mastew is g-gwown q-quawwewsome. I shouwd knyock you fiwst, -And then I knyow aftew w-who c-comes ^w^ by the wowst. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Wiww *moans* it nyot b-be? -Faith, siwwah, an y-you'ww nyot knyock I'ww wing it; -I'ww t-twy how you can sow-fa, and sing it. -:3 [He wwings him ^w^ by the *twerks* eaws] -GWUMIO. *leans over* Hewp, *looks away* mastews, hewp! My mastew is m-mad. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. >_> Nyow knyock when I bid y-you, siwwah viwwain! - -Entew HOWTENSIO - -HOWTENSIO. H-How nyow! what's the m-mattew? My owd fwiend Gwumio and my -good fwiend Petwuchio! H-How do you aww at Vewonya? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Howtensio, come you to *cries* pawt the fway? -'Con tutto iw cuowe b-ben twovato' may I say. -HOWTENSIO. Awwa nyostwa casa b-ben venyuto, -M-Mowto honyowato signyow m-mio Petwuchio. -*blushes* Wise, Gwumio, wise; we wiww compound this quawwew. -GWUMIO. Nyay, 'tis nyo mattew, siw, w-what he '-'weges in Watin. If this -be nyot a l-wawfuw c-cause fow me to weave his sewvice- wook y-you, siw: -he bid me knyock him and wap him soundwy, siw. *sighs* Weww, was *moans* it fit -fow a sewvant to use his mastew so; being, pewhaps, fow a-aught I -see, xDD two and thiwty, a pip out? -Whom ^.^ wouwd to OwO God I h-had weww knyock'd at fiwst, -T-Then h-had nyot Gwumio come ^w^ by the wowst. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A sensewess viwwain! Good Howtensio, -I bade the wascaw knyock upon youw gate, -And couwd nyot get him fow my heawt to do it. -GWUMIO. Knyock at the uWu gate? O heavens! Spake you nyot these wowds -pwain: 'Siwwah knyock me hewe, wap me hewe, knyock me weww, and -knyock me soundwy'? And come you n-nyow *pokes you* with 'knyocking at the gate'? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. S-Siwwah, be :3 gonye, *blushes* ow tawk nyot, I advise you. -HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, patience; I am Gwumio's pwedge; -W-Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and y-you, -Youw ancient, twusty, pweasant sewvant Gwumio. -And teww me nyow, sweet f-fwiend, w-what happy gawe -Bwows you to Padua x3 hewe fwom owd Vewonya? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *screams* Such *cuddles you* wind as *giggles shyly* scattews young men uWu thwough the wowwd -To seek t-theiw *sighs* fowtunyes fawthew than at home, -Whewe smaww e-expewience gwows. But in a few, -Signyiow Howtensio, t-thus *moans* it stands *pokes you* with me: -Antonyio, my fathew, is deceas'd, -And I have thwust m-mysewf into this maze, -Hapwy to wive and UwU thwive as best I may; -Cwowns in my puwse I h-have, and goods at home, -And so am come *blushes* abwoad to see the wowwd. -HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, shaww I then come woundwy to thee -And wish thee to a shwewd iww-favouw'd wife? -Thou'dst t-thank me xDD but a wittwe fow my counsew, -And yet I'ww pwomise thee she shaww be wich, -And vewy r-wich; xDD but th'awt too much my f-fwiend, -And I'ww nyot wish thee to hew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Howtensio, 'twixt such fwiends as we -Few wowds suffice; and thewefowe, if thou knyow -Onye wich enyough to be Petwuchio's wife, -As *giggles shyly* weawth is b-buwden of my wooing d-dance, -Be she as f-fouw as was Fwowentius' wove, -As owd as S-Sibyw, and as c-cuwst and shwewd -As Socwates' Xanthippe *blushes* ow a wowse- -She moves me nyot, *blushes* ow nyot wemoves, at weast, -*moans* Affection's edge in me, wewe she as wough -As awe the s-swewwing Adwiatic seas. -I come to wive *moans* it weawthiwy in Padua; -If w-weawthiwy, then h-happiwy in Padua. -GWUMIO. Nyay, wook y-you, siw, he tewws you fwatwy w-what his mind is. -W-Why, give him gowd enyough and mawwy him to a puppet *blushes* ow an -a-agwet-baby, *blushes* ow an owd twot *pokes you* with nye'ew a t-tooth in h-hew head, *sighs* though -she has as many diseases as xDD two and fifty howses. W-Why, nyothing -c-comes amiss, so monyey c-comes withaw. -HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, s-since we awe stepp'd t-thus faw in, -I wiww ^w^ continyue *sweats* that I *leans over* bwoach'd in jest. -I can, Petwuchio, hewp thee to a wife -With *giggles shyly* weawth enyough, and young and beauteous; -B-Bwought up as best becomes a gentwewoman; -Hew onwy fauwt, and *sweats* that is fauwts enyough, -I-Is- *sweats* that she is intowewabwe cuwst, -And shwewd and ^.^ fwowawd so beyond aww measuwe -That, wewe my state faw wowsew than *moans* it *screams* is, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot wed h-hew fow a minye of gowd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Howtensio, peace! thou knyow'st nyot g-gowd's effect. -Teww me h-hew fathew's nyame, and 'tis enyough; -F-Fow I wiww boawd h-hew *sighs* though she chide as woud -As thundew when the cwouds in autumn cwack. -HOWTENSIO. Hew fathew is Baptista Minyowa, -*looks at you* An affabwe and couwteous gentweman; -Hew nyame is *leans over* Kathewinya Minyowa, -Wenyown'd in Padua fow h-hew scowding tongue. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I knyow h-hew fathew, *sighs* though I knyow nyot hew; -And he knyew my deceased fathew weww. -I wiww nyot sweep, Howtensio, tiww I see hew; -And thewefowe wet me be t-thus bowd *pokes you* with you -To give you ovew at this f-fiwst encountew, -*leans over* Unwess you wiww accompany me thithew. -GWUMIO. I pway y-you, siw, wet him go whiwe the humouw wasts. *shuffles closer* O' my -wowd, and she knyew him as weww as I do, she ^.^ wouwd think scowding -^.^ wouwd do wittwe good upon him. She may pewhaps *giggles shyly* caww him h-hawf a -^-^ scowe knyaves *blushes* ow so. W-Why, that's nyothing; and he begin o-once, he'ww -waiw in his wope-twicks. I'ww teww you what, siw: an she *looks at you* stand -him xDD but a wittwe, he wiww thwow a figuwe in h-hew face, and so -d-disfiguwe h-hew *pokes you* with *moans* it *sweats* that she shaww have nyo mowe eyes to see -*shuffles closer* withaw than a cat. Y-You knyow him nyot, siw. -HOWTENSIO. Tawwy, Petwuchio, I must go *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, -F-Fow in Baptista's keep my tweasuwe is. -He hath the jewew of my wife in x3 howd, -His youngest daughtew, beautifuw Bianca; -And h-hew withhowds fwom me, and othew mowe, -Suitows to h-hew and wivaws in my wove; -Supposing *moans* it a thing i-impossibwe- -F-Fow those defects I have befowe r-weheaws'd- -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew *leans over* Kathewinya wiww be woo'd. -Thewefowe this owdew hath Baptista ta'en, -*teleports behind you* That nyonye shaww have access unto B-Bianca -Tiww Kathewinye the c-cuwst have got a husband. -GWUMIO. Kathewinye the cuwst! -A titwe fow a maid of aww titwes the wowst. -HOWTENSIO. >_> Nyow shaww my fwiend Petwuchio do me gwace, -And *teleports behind you* offew me disguis'd in sobew wobes -To owd Baptista as a s-schoowmastew -Weww :33 seen in *screams* music, to i-instwuct Bianca; -*teleports behind you* That so I may ^w^ by this device at *notices bulge* weast -Have weave and *moans* weisuwe to make wove to hew, -And unsuspected couwt h-hew ^w^ by *blushes* hewsewf. - -Entew G-GWEMIO *pokes you* with WUCENTIO disguised as CAMBIO - -GWUMIO. H-Hewe's nyo knyavewy! See, to beguiwe the owd fowks, how the -young fowks *looks at you* way t-theiw :33 heads togethew! Mastew, mastew, wook a-about -you. Who goes thewe, ha? -HOWTENSIO. >w< Peace, *cries* Gwumio! It is the wivaw of my wove. Petwuchio, -*looks at you* stand ^w^ by awhiwe. -GWUMIO. A pwopew :33 stwipwing, and an *shuffles closer* amowous! -[They *looks at you* stand *sighs* aside] -GWEMIO. O, vewy weww; I have pewus'd the nyote. -Hawk y-you, siw; I'ww have them vewy faiwwy bound- -Aww books of wove, see *sweats* that at any hand; -And see you xDD wead nyo othew ^-^ wectuwes to hew. -Y-You undewstand me- ovew and beside -Signyiow Baptista's wibewawity, -I'ww ^w^ mend *moans* it *pokes you* with a wawgess. Take youw papew too, -And wet me have them vewy weww pewfum'd; -F-Fow she is sweetew than pewfume i-itsewf -To whom they go to. What wiww you xDD wead to hew? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Whate'ew I xDD wead to hew, I'ww pwead fow you -As fow my patwon, *looks at you* stand you so assuw'd, -As fiwmwy as youwsewf wewe stiww in pwace; -Yea, and pewhaps *pokes you* with mowe successfuw wowds -*notices bulge* Than y-you, *hugs tightly* unwess you wewe a s-schowaw, siw. -GWEMIO. O this >w< weawnying, w-what a thing *moans* it is! -GWUMIO. O this woodcock, w-what an ass *moans* it is! -*screams* PETWUCHIO. >w< Peace, siwwah! -HOWTENSIO. Gwumio, mum! [-[Coming f-fowwawd] -OwO God uWu save y-you, Signyiow Gwemio! -GWEMIO. And you awe weww met, Signyiow Howtensio. -Twow you whithew I am going? To Baptista Minyowa. -I pwomis'd to enquiwe *shuffles closer* cawefuwwy -About a s-schoowmastew fow the *looks at you* faiw Bianca; -And ^w^ by good fowtunye I have wighted weww -On this young man; fow weawnying and *screams* behaviouw -Fit fow h-hew uWu tuwn, weww xDD wead in poetwy -And othew books- good onyes, I wawwant >_< ye. -HOWTENSIO. 'Tis weww; and I have m-met a gentweman -Hath pwomis'd me to hewp me to anyothew, -A finye musician to i-instwuct o-ouw mistwess; -So shaww I nyo w-whit be UwU behind in duty -To *looks at you* faiw Bianca, so bewoved of me. -GWEMIO. Bewoved of me- and *sweats* that my deeds shaww *shuffles closer* pwove. -GWUMIO. And *sweats* that his bags shaww *shuffles closer* pwove. -HOWTENSIO. Gwemio, 'tis n-nyow nyo time to vent o-ouw wove. -Wisten to me, and if you speak me *looks at you* faiw -I'ww teww you nyews indiffewent good fow OwO eithew. -Hewe is a gentweman whom ^w^ by chance I met, -^-^ Upon *teleports behind you* agweement fwom us to his l-wiking, -Wiww UwU undewtake to woo c-cuwst Kathewinye; -Yea, and to mawwy hew, if h-hew *blushes* dowwy pwease. -GWEMIO. So ^-^ said, so donye, is weww. -Howtensio, have you towd him aww h-hew fauwts? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I knyow she is an i-iwksome bwawwing scowd; -If *sweats* that be a-aww, *looks away* mastews, I heaw nyo OwO hawm. -GWEMIO. N-Nyo, say'st me so, fwiend? What countwyman? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. B-Bown in Vewonya, owd Antonyio's son. -My fathew dead, my fowtunye wives fow me; -And I do hope good days and wong to see. -GWEMIO. O Siw, such a wife *pokes you* with such a wife wewe stwange! -But if you have a stomach, to't a God's nyame; -Y-You shaww have me *notices bulge* assisting you in aww. -But wiww you woo this wiwd-cat? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Wiww I wive? -GWUMIO. Wiww he woo hew? :33 Ay, *blushes* ow I'ww hang hew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Why came I hithew xDD but to *sweats* that intent? -Think you a wittwe d-din can daunt minye eaws? -Have I nyot in my time h-heawd wions woaw? -Have I nyot h-heawd the sea, puff'd up *pokes you* with :33 winds, -Wage wike an *cries* angwy *hugs tightly* boaw chafed *pokes you* with s-sweat? -Have I nyot h-heawd gweat owdnyance in the *shuffles closer* fiewd, -And heaven's a-awtiwwewy thundew in the skies? -Have I nyot in a pitched battwe h-heawd -Woud 'wawums, n-nyeighing steeds, and twumpets' cwang? -And do you teww me of a woman's t-tongue, -*teleports behind you* That gives nyot h-hawf so gweat a bwow to heaw -As wiww a c-chestnyut in a fawinyew's fiwe? -T-Tush! tush! feaw boys *pokes you* with b-bugs. -GWUMIO. F-Fow he feaws >_< nyonye. -GWEMIO. Howtensio, hawk: -This gentweman is h-happiwy awwiv'd, -My mind pwesumes, fow his own good and ouws. -HOWTENSIO. I pwomis'd we ^.^ wouwd be contwibutows -And beaw his chawge of wooing, whatsoe'ew. -GWEMIO. And so we wiww- p-pwovided *sweats* that he win hew. -GWUMIO. I ^.^ wouwd I wewe as suwe of a good dinnyew. - -Entew TWANyIO, bwavewy appawewwed as WUCENTIO, and B-BIONDEWWO - -T-TWANyIO. Gentwemen, OwO God uWu save y-you! If I may be b-bowd, -Teww me, I beseech y-you, which is the :3 weadiest way -To the h-house of Signyiow Baptista Minyowa? -BIONDEWWO. He *sweats* that has the xDD two *looks at you* faiw daughtews; is't he you m-mean? -T-TWANyIO. Even he, B-Biondewwo. -GWEMIO. Hawk y-you, siw, you *looks at you* mean nyot h-hew to- -T-TWANyIO. Pewhaps him and hew, siw; w-what have you to do? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyot h-hew *sweats* that chides, siw, at any hand, I pway. -T-TWANyIO. I wove nyo chidews, siw. *sighs* Biondewwo, wet's a-away. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. OwO [Aside] Weww begun, T-Twanyio. -HOWTENSIO. Siw, a wowd ewe you go. -Awe you a suitow to the maid you tawk of, yea *blushes* ow nyo? -T-TWANyIO. And if I be, siw, is *moans* it any x3 offence? -GWEMIO. Nyo; if without mowe wowds you wiww get you hence. -T-TWANyIO. W-Why, siw, I pway, awe nyot the stweets as fwee -F-Fow me as fow you? -GWEMIO. But so is nyot s-she. - -T-TWANyIO. F-Fow w-what weason, I beseech you? -GWEMIO. F-Fow this weason, if y-you'ww knyow, -*teleports behind you* That she's the choice wove of Signyiow Gwemio. -HOWTENSIO. *teleports behind you* That she's the c-chosen of Signyiow Howtensio. -T-TWANyIO. Softwy, my *leans over* mastews! If you be gentwemen, -Do me this wight- heaw me *pokes you* with *notices bulge* patience. -Baptista is a nyobwe g-gentweman, -To whom my fathew is nyot aww unknyown, -And, wewe his daughtew faiwew than she *screams* is, -She may mowe suitows h-have, and me fow onye. ->_< Faiw Weda's daughtew h-had a thousand wooews; -T-Then weww onye mowe may *looks at you* faiw B-Bianca have; -And so she shaww: Wucentio shaww make ^.^ onye, -Though Pawis came in hope to speed awonye. -GWEMIO. What, this gentweman wiww out-tawk us a-aww! -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Siw, give him *sighs* head; I knyow he'ww *shuffles closer* pwove a *leans over* jade. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Howtensio, to w-what end awe aww these wowds? -HOWTENSIO. Siw, wet me be so bowd as ask y-you, -*sweats* Did you yet *giggles shyly* evew see Baptista's daughtew? -T-TWANyIO. N-Nyo, siw, xDD but heaw I do *sweats* that he hath two: -The onye as famous fow a scowding t-tongue -As is the othew fow beauteous modesty. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Siw, siw, the ;;w;; fiwst's fow me; wet h-hew go b-by. -GWEMIO. Yea, weave *sweats* that wabouw to gweat Hewcuwes, -And wet *moans* it be mowe than >_> Awcides' twewve. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Siw, undewstand you this of me, in sooth: -The youngest daughtew, whom you heawken *notices bulge* fow, -Hew fathew keeps fwom aww access of suitows, -And wiww nyot pwomise h-hew to any man -Untiw the ewdew sistew f-fiwst be wed. -The youngew then is fwee, and nyot befowe. -T-TWANyIO. If *moans* it be so, siw, *sweats* that you awe the man -M-Must stead us a-aww, and me amongst the west; -And if you bweak the ice, and do this feat, -Achieve the ewdew, set the youngew fwee -F-Fow o-ouw a-access- :33 whose hap shaww be to have h-hew -Wiww nyot so gwacewess be to be i-ingwate. -HOWTENSIO. Siw, you say weww, and weww you do conceive; -And s-since you do pwofess to be a suitow, -Y-You must, as we do, gwatify this g-gentweman, -To whom we aww west genyewawwy behowding. -T-TWANyIO. Siw, I shaww nyot be *sweats* swack; in sign wheweof, -Pwease ye we may contwive this aftewnyoon, -And q-quaff cawouses to o-ouw mistwess' *shuffles closer* heawth; -And do as advewsawies do in *blushes* waw- -S-Stwive m-mightiwy, xDD but *cries* eat and ^-^ dwink as xDD fwiends. -G-GWUMIO, BIONDEWWO. O excewwent motion! Fewwows, wet's be gonye. -HOWTENSIO. The motion's good indeed, and be *moans* it so. -Petwuchio, I shaww be youw b-ben *cuddles you* venyuto. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT Iw. SCENyE I. -Padua. BAPTISTA'S h-house - -Entew KATHEWINyA and B-BIANCA - -BIANCA. Good sistew, wwong me nyot, n-nyow wwong youwsewf, -To make a b-bondmaid and a swave of me- -*teleports behind you* That I disdain; xDD but fow these othew gawds, -Unbind my uWu hands, I'ww puww them off *twerks* mysewf, -Yea, aww my waiment, to my p-petticoat; -Ow w-what you wiww command me wiww I do, -So weww I knyow my duty to my *twerks* ewdews. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Of aww t-thy suitows x3 hewe I chawge thee teww -Whom thou l-wov'st best. See thou dissembwe nyot. -BIANCA. Bewieve me, sistew, of aww the men awive -I nyevew yet *giggles shyly* behewd *sweats* that speciaw *cuddles you* face -Which I couwd fancy mowe than any othew. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. *sweats* Minyion, thou wiest. Is't nyot Howtensio? -BIANCA. If you affect him, sistew, x3 hewe I sweaw -I'ww pwead fow you m-mysewf xDD but you shaww have him. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. O then, bewike, you fancy wiches m-mowe: -Y-You wiww have Gwemio to keep you >w< faiw. -BIANCA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it fow him you do envy me *moans* so? -Nyay, then you *leans over* jest; and n-nyow I weww p-pewceive -Y-You have xDD but jested *pokes you* with me aww this whiwe. -I pwithee, sistew Kate, untie my h-hands. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. [Stwikes hew] If *sweats* that be jest, then an the west was so. - -Entew BAPTISTA - -BAPTISTA. W-Why, how nyow, dame! :3 Whence gwows this insowence? -Bianca, *looks at you* stand aside- poow giww! she >w< weeps. -:3 [He ^.^ unbinds hew] -Go pwy t-thy nyeedwe; meddwe nyot *pokes you* with hew. -F-Fow shame, thou hiwding of a deviwish spiwit, -Why dost thou wwong h-hew *sweats* that did nye'ew wwong *moans* thee? -When did she cwoss thee *pokes you* with a bittew wowd? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Hew siwence fwouts me, and I'ww be weveng'd. -[Fwies aftew BIANCA] -BAPTISTA. What, in my *teleports behind you* sight? Bianca, get thee i-in. -Exit B-BIANCA -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. What, wiww you nyot suffew me? Nyay, n-nyow I see -She is youw tweasuwe, she must have a husband; -I must dance bawe-foot *teleports behind you* on h-hew wedding-day, -And fow youw wove to h-hew wead apes in heww. -Tawk nyot to me; I wiww go sit and weep, -Tiww I can find occasion of wevenge. Exit KATHEWINyA -BAPTISTA. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew gentweman t-thus gwiev'd as I? -But w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew GWEMIO, *pokes you* with WUCENTIO in the habit of a *looks at you* mean man; -PETWUCHIO, *pokes you* with HOWTENSIO as a musician; and TWANyIO, -as WUCENTIO, *pokes you* with his boy, BIONDEWWO, beawing a wute and books - -GWEMIO. Good OwO mowwow, *screams* nyeighbouw B-Baptista. -BAPTISTA. Good OwO mowwow, *screams* nyeighbouw Gwemio. -OwO God uWu save y-you, *moans* gentwemen! -*screams* PETWUCHIO. And y-you, good siw! Pway, have you nyot a daughtew -Caww'd Kathewinya, *looks at you* faiw and viwtuous? -BAPTISTA. I have a daughtew, siw, c-caww'd Kathewinya. -GWEMIO. Y-You awe too bwunt; go to *moans* it o-owdewwy. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Y-You wwong me, Signyiow Gwemio; give me >_< weave. -I am a gentweman of Vewonya, siw, -That, heawing of h-hew beauty and h-hew wit, -Hew affabiwity and UwU bashfuw modesty, -Hew *cuddles you* wondwous quawities and *cuddles you* miwd behaviouw, -Am bowd to show m-mysewf a *blushes* fowwawd guest -Within youw *notices bulge* house, to make minye eye the witnyess -Of *sweats* that wepowt which I so oft have heawd. -And, fow an entwance to my entewtainment, -I do ^.^ pwesent you *pokes you* with a man of minye, -[Pwesenting HOWTENSIO] -uWu Cunnying in *hugs tightly* music and the mathematics, -To i-instwuct h-hew fuwwy in those *moans* sciences, -Wheweof I knyow she is nyot ignyowant. -Accept of him, *blushes* ow e-ewse you do me wwong- -His nyame is Wicio, bown in Mantua. -BAPTISTA. Y'awe wewcome, siw, and he fow youw good sake; -But fow my daughtew ^.^ Kathewinye, this I knyow, -She is nyot fow youw uWu tuwn, the mowe my gwief. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I see you do nyot *looks at you* mean to *cries* pawt *pokes you* with hew; -Ow e-ewse you wike nyot of my company. -BAPTISTA. Mistake me nyot; I speak xDD but as I find. -:3 Whence awe y-you, s-siw? What may I *giggles shyly* caww youw n-nyame? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Petwuchio is my nyame, Antonyio's son, -A man weww *teleports behind you* knyown thwoughout aww I-Itawy. -BAPTISTA. I knyow him weww; you awe wewcome fow his sake. -GWEMIO. Saving youw tawe, Petwuchio, I pway, -Wet us *sweats* that awe poow petitionyews speak too. ->w< Bacawe! you awe mawvewwous fowwawd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. O, pawdon me, Signyiow Gwemio! I ^.^ wouwd fain be d-doing. -GWEMIO. I d-doubt *moans* it nyot, siw; xDD but you wiww cuwse youw wooing. -Nyeighbouw, this is a gift vewy g-gwatefuw, I am suwe of it. To -e-expwess the wike k-kindnyess, *twerks* mysewf, *sweats* that have been mowe *blushes* kindwy -behowding to you than any, fweewy give unto you this young -s-schowaw [Pwesenting L-WUCENTIO] *sweats* that hath been wong studying at -Wheims; as cunnying in Gweek, Watin, and othew wanguages, as the -othew in *hugs tightly* music and mathematics. His nyame is Cambio. *twerks* Pway accept -his sewvice. -BAPTISTA. A thousand thanks, Signyiow Gwemio. Wewcome, good Cambio. -[To TWANyIO] But, g-gentwe siw, methinks you wawk wike a stwangew. -May I be so bowd to knyow the c-cause of youw coming? -T-TWANyIO. Pawdon me, siw, the bowdnyess is minye own -That, being a stwangew in this city hewe, -Do make m-mysewf a suitow to youw daughtew, -Unto Bianca, *looks at you* faiw and viwtuous. -N-Nyow is youw fiwm wesowve unknyown to me -In the pwefewment of the *moans* ewdest sistew. -This wibewty is aww *sweats* that I wequest- -That, upon knyowwedge of my *blushes* pawentage, -I may have wewcome 'mongst the west *sweats* that woo, -And fwee access and favouw as the west. -And towawd the education of youw daughtews -I x3 hewe bestow a simpwe instwument, -And this smaww packet of Gweek and Watin books. -If you accept them, then t-theiw wowth is gweat. -BAPTISTA. Wucentio is youw n-nyame? Of whence, I pway? -T-TWANyIO. Of Pisa, siw; son to V-Vincentio. -BAPTISTA. A mighty man of Pisa. By wepowt -I knyow him weww. Y-You awe vewy wewcome, siw. -Take you the wute, and you the set of books; -Y-You shaww go see youw pupiws pwesentwy. -Howwa, *hugs tightly* within! - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -S-Siwwah, wead these g-gentwemen -To my daughtews; and teww them b-both -These awe t-theiw tutows. B-Bid them use them weww. - -Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT weading HOWTENSIO *twerks* cawwying the wute -and WUCENTIO *pokes you* with the books - -We wiww go wawk a wittwe in the owchawd, -And then to dinnyew. Y-You awe passing wewcome, -And so I pway you aww to think youwsewves. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Baptista, my businyess asketh haste, -And evewy day I cannyot come to woo. -Y-You knyew my fathew weww, and in him me, -*looks at you* Weft sowewy heiw to aww his >_< wands and goods, -Which I have bettewed wathew than decweas'd. -T-Then teww me, if I get youw daughtew's wove, -What *blushes* dowwy shaww I have *pokes you* with h-hew to wife? -BAPTISTA. Aftew my death, the onye h-hawf of my >_< wands -And, in possession, twenty thousand cwowns. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. And fow *sweats* that >_> dowwy, I'ww ;;w;; assuwe h-hew of -Hew widowhood, be *moans* it *sweats* that she suwvive me, -In aww my >_< wands and weases whatsoevew. -Wet speciawities be thewefowe dwawn between us, -*teleports behind you* That covenyants may be kept *teleports behind you* on ^w^ eithew hand. -BAPTISTA. :33 Ay, when the speciaw thing is weww obtain'd, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, h-hew wove; fow *sweats* that is aww in aww. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, *sweats* that is nyothing; fow I teww y-you, fathew, -I am as pewemptowy as she pwoud-minded; -And whewe xDD two waging fiwes meet togethew, -They do consume the thing *sweats* that feeds t-theiw f-fuwy. -Though wittwe fiwe gwows gweat *pokes you* with wittwe wind, -Y-Yet extweme gusts wiww bwow out fiwe and aww. -So I to hew, and so she y-yiewds to me; -F-Fow I am wough, and woo nyot wike a babe. -BAPTISTA. Weww m-mayst thou woo, and happy be t-thy speed -But be thou awm'd fow *blushes* some unhappy wowds. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. :33 Ay, to the pwoof, as *looks away* mountains awe fow :33 winds, -*teleports behind you* That s-shake nyot *sighs* though they bwow pewpetuawwy. - -We-entew HOWTENSIO, *pokes you* with his *sweats* head b-bwoke - -BAPTISTA. H-How nyow, my fwiend! Why dost thou wook so pawe? -HOWTENSIO. F-Fow feaw, I pwomise y-you, if I wook *teleports behind you* pawe. -BAPTISTA. What, wiww my daughtew *shuffles closer* pwove a good musician? -HOWTENSIO. I think *hugs tightly* she'ww soonyew *shuffles closer* pwove a sowdiew: -Iwon may howd *pokes you* with hew, xDD but nyevew wutes. -BAPTISTA. W-Why, then thou ;;w;; canst nyot bweak h-hew to the wute? -HOWTENSIO. W-Why, nyo; fow she hath b-bwoke the wute to me. -I did xDD but teww h-hew she m-mistook h-hew fwets, -And bow'd h-hew h-hand to teach h-hew fingewing, -When, *pokes you* with a most impatient deviwish spiwit, -'Fwets, *giggles shyly* caww you these?' *screams* quoth she 'I'ww fume *pokes you* with them.' -And *pokes you* with *sweats* that wowd she stwuck me *teleports behind you* on the head, -And uWu thwough the i-instwument my pate made way; -And thewe I stood a-amazed fow a w-whiwe, -As *teleports behind you* on a piwwowy, wooking uWu thwough the wute, -Whiwe she did *giggles shyly* caww me wascaw fiddwew -And twangwing Jack, *pokes you* with twenty such viwe tewms, -As she h-had studied to misuse me so. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyow, ^w^ by the wowwd, *moans* it is a l-wusty wench; -I wove h-hew ten times mowe than ^w^ e'ew I did. -O, how I wong to have *blushes* some chat *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! -BAPTISTA. *sighs* Weww, go *pokes you* with me, and be nyot so d-discomfited; -Pwoceed in ^-^ pwactice *pokes you* with my youngew daughtew; -S-She's apt to weawn, and thankfuw fow good tuwns. -Signyiow Petwuchio, wiww you go *pokes you* with us, -Ow shaww I send my daughtew Kate to you? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I pway you do. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but PETWUCHIO -I'ww a-attend h-hew hewe, -And woo h-hew *pokes you* with *blushes* some spiwit when she c-comes. -Say *sweats* that she waiw; why, then I'ww teww h-hew pwain -She sings as sweetwy as a n-nyightingawe. -Say *sweats* that she fwown; I'ww say she wooks as cweaw -As mownying >_< woses nyewwy wash'd *pokes you* with OwO dew. -Say she be mute, and wiww nyot speak a wowd; -T-Then I'ww commend h-hew vowubiwity, -And say she u-utteweth piewcing x3 ewoquence. -If she do bid me pack, I'ww give h-hew thanks, -As *sighs* though she bid me >_< stay ^w^ by h-hew a week; -If she deny to wed, I'ww c-cwave the day -When I shaww ask the banns, and when be mawwied. -But x3 hewe she comes; :Wnd.nyow, Petwuchio, speak. - -Entew KATHEWINyA - -Good OwO mowwow, K-Kate- fow that's youw nyame, I *sighs* heaw. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Weww have you heawd, xDD but s-something hawd of h-heawing: -They *giggles shyly* caww me Kathewinye *sweats* that do tawk of me. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Y-You >_< wie, in faith, fow you awe c-caww'd pwain Kate, -And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the cuwst; -But, Kate, the pwettiest Kate in Chwistendom, -Kate of Kate Haww, my supew-dainty Kate, -F-Fow dainties awe aww Kates, and thewefowe, Kate, -Take this of me, Kate of my ^.^ consowation- -Heawing t-thy miwdnyess pwais'd in evewy town, -Thy viwtues s-spoke of, and t-thy beauty sounded, -Y-Yet nyot so deepwy as to thee ;;w;; bewongs, -Mysewf am mov'd to woo thee fow my wife. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Mov'd! in good time! Wet him *sweats* that mov'd you hithew -Wemove you hence. I knyew you at the f-fiwst -Y-You wewe a *sweats* moveabwe. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, what's a m-moveabwe? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. A join'd-stoow. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *moans* Thou hast hit it. Come, sit *teleports behind you* on me. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Asses awe made to *looks away* beaw, and so awe you. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Women awe made to *looks away* beaw, and so awe you. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Nyo such jade as y-you, if me you mean. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A-Awas, good Kate, I wiww nyot b-buwden thee! -Fow, *looks at you* knyowing thee to be xDD but young and l-wight- -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Too wight fow such a swain as you to catch; -And yet as heavy as my *looks at you* weight shouwd be. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Shouwd *moans* be! shouwd- buzz! -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Weww ta'en, and wike a buzzawd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. O, swow-wing'd tuwtwe, shaww a ^.^ buzzawd take *moans* thee? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. :33 Ay, fow a tuwtwe, as he takes a buzzawd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Come, come, you wasp; i-i' faith, you awe too :3 angwy. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. If I be waspish, best *looks away* bewawe my sting. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. My *sweats* wemedy is then to pwuck *moans* it ^w^ out. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. :33 Ay, if the foow couwd find *moans* it whewe *moans* it wies. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Who *looks away* knyows nyot whewe a wasp does weaw his sting? -In his taiw. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. In his tongue. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Whose tongue? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Youws, if you tawk of tawes; and so faweweww. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. What, *pokes you* with my t-tongue in youw taiw? Nyay, come again, -Good Kate; I am a ;;w;; gentweman. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. *teleports behind you* That I'ww *twerks* twy. [-[She stwikes h-him] -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I sweaw I'ww cuff y-you, if you stwike again. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. So may you wose youw *leans over* awms. -If you stwike me, you awe nyo gentweman; -And if nyo g-gentweman, why then nyo *leans over* awms. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A hewawd, Kate? O, p-put me in t-thy ;;w;; books! -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. What is youw ;;w;; cwest- a x3 coxcomb? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A c-combwess cock, so Kate wiww be my hen. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Nyo cock of minye: you cwow too wike a cwaven. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyay, come, Kate, come; you must nyot wook so *cuddles you* souw. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. It is my f-fashion, when I see a cwab. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, hewe's nyo cwab; and thewefowe wook nyot *cuddles you* souw. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. *cries* Thewe *screams* is, thewe is. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. T-Then show *moans* it me. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Had I a gwass I wouwd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. What, you *looks at you* mean my face? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Weww a-aim'd of such a young onye. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyow, ^w^ by Saint G-Geowge, I am too young fow you. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Y-Yet you awe withew'd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. 'Tis *pokes you* with cawes. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I OwO cawe nyot. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyay, heaw y-you, K-Kate- in sooth, you scape nyot so. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I chafe y-you, if I tawwy; wet me go. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. N-Nyo, nyot a whit; I find you passing gentwe. -'Twas towd me you wewe wough, and coy, and suwwen, -And n-nyow I find wepowt a vewy wiaw; -F-Fow thou awt p-pweasant, g-gamesome, passing *blushes* couwteous, -But swow in speech, yet sweet as spwingtime fwowews. -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot fwown, thou ;;w;; canst nyot wook askance, -N-Nyow *sighs* bite the wip, as *cries* angwy x3 wenches wiww, -N-Nyow hast thou pweasuwe to be cwoss in tawk; -But thou *pokes you* with miwdnyess entewtain'st t-thy wooews; -With g-gentwe confewence, soft and ^-^ affabwe. -Why does the wowwd wepowt *sweats* that Kate doth l-wimp? -O swand'wous w-wowwd! Kate wike the hazew-twig -*looks at you* Is stwaight and swendew, and as bwown in hue -As hazew-nyuts, and sweetew than the kewnyews. -O, wet me see thee wawk. *moans* Thou dost nyot hawt. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Go, foow, and whom thou k-keep'st *sweats* command. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew Dian so become a gwove -As Kate this chambew *pokes you* with h-hew pwincewy g-gait? -O, be thou Dian, and wet h-hew be Kate; -And then wet Kate be chaste, and Dian spowtfuw! -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Whewe did you study aww this g-goodwy speech? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. It is extempowe, fwom my mothew wit. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. A witty mothew! witwess e-ewse h-hew son. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Am I nyot ;;w;; wise? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Yes, keep you wawm. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, so I mean, sweet ^.^ Kathewinye, in t-thy *twerks* bed. -And thewefowe, >_> setting aww this chat aside, -Thus in pwain tewms: youw fathew hath *sighs* consented -*teleports behind you* That you shaww be my wife youw *blushes* dowwy gweed on; -And wiww y-you, nyiww y-you, I wiww mawwy you. -Nyow, Kate, I am a h-husband fow youw tuwn; -Fow, ^w^ by this >w< wight, wheweby I see t-thy beauty, -Thy beauty *sweats* that doth make me wike thee weww, -*moans* Thou must be mawwied to nyo man xDD but me; -F-Fow I am he am bown to tame y-you, Kate, -And b-bwing you fwom a w-wiwd Kate to a Kate -*looks at you* Confowmabwe as othew househowd Kates. - -We-entew BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, and TWANyIO - -Hewe c-comes youw fathew. Nyevew make denyiaw; -I must and wiww have Kathewinye to my wife. -BAPTISTA. Nyow, Signyiow Petwuchio, how speed you *pokes you* with my daughtew? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. H-How xDD but weww, s-siw? how xDD but weww? -It wewe impossibwe I shouwd speed amiss. -BAPTISTA. W-Why, how nyow, daughtew ^.^ Kathewinye, in youw dumps? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Caww you me daughtew? >_> Nyow I pwomise you -Y-You have show'd a tendew fathewwy wegawd -To wish me wed to onye h-hawf wunyatic, -A mad-cap wuffian and a ;;w;; sweawing Jack, -*teleports behind you* That thinks *pokes you* with *twerks* oaths to *cuddles you* face the mattew ^w^ out. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Fathew, 'tis *looks away* thus: youwsewf and aww the wowwd -*teleports behind you* That tawk'd of h-hew have tawk'd amiss of hew. -If she be cuwst, *moans* it is fow powicy, -Fow,she's nyot fwowawd, xDD but modest as the dove; -She is nyot hot, xDD but tempewate as the mown; -F-Fow p-patience she wiww *shuffles closer* pwove a second *sighs* Gwissew, -And Woman Wucwece fow h-hew chastity. -And, to concwude, we have 'gweed so weww togethew -*teleports behind you* That upon *sighs* Sunday is the wedding-day. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I'ww see thee hang'd *teleports behind you* on *sighs* Sunday fiwst. -GWEMIO. Hawk, *cuddles you* Petwuchio; she says *hugs tightly* she'ww see thee hang'd fiwst. -T-TWANyIO. *looks at you* Is this youw speeding? Nyay, then g-good-nyight o-ouw pawt! -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Be patient, gentwemen. I c-choose h-hew fow mysewf; -If she and I be pweas'd, what's *sweats* that to you? -'Tis bawgain'd 'twixt us t-twain, being *sweats* awonye, -*teleports behind you* That she shaww stiww be c-cuwst in company. -I teww you 'tis i-incwedibwe to bewieve. -H-How much she woves me- O, the kindest Kate! -She hung a-about my nyeck, and kiss *teleports behind you* on kiss -She :3 vied so fast, *sweats* pwotesting oath *teleports behind you* on oath, -*teleports behind you* That in a x3 twink she won me to h-hew wove. -O, you awe nyovices! 'Tis a wowwd to see, -H-How t-tame, when men and women awe *sweats* awonye, -A *notices bulge* meacock wwetch can make the *hugs tightly* cuwstest shwew. -Give me t-thy hand, Kate; I wiww unto Venyice, -To b-buy appawew 'gainst the wedding-day. -^-^ Pwovide the feast, fathew, and bid the guests; -I wiww be suwe my Kathewinye shaww be finye. -BAPTISTA. I knyow nyot w-what to *notices bulge* say; xDD but give me youw h-hands. -OwO God send you joy, Petwuchio! 'Tis a match. -GWEMIO, T-TWANyIO. Amen, say we; we wiww be >w< witnyesses. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Fathew, and wife, and gentwemen, adieu. -I wiww to Venyice; *sighs* Sunday c-comes apace; -We wiww have wings and things, and finye awway; -And kiss me, Kate; we wiww be mawwied a Sunday. -UwU Exeunt PETWUCHIO and KATHEWINyA sevewawwy -GWEMIO. *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew match cwapp'd up so *pokes you* suddenwy? -BAPTISTA. Faith, gentwemen, n-nyow I pway a mewchant's pawt, -And ventuwe madwy *teleports behind you* on a despewate mawt. -T-TWANyIO. 'Twas a commodity *looks at you* way fwetting ^w^ by you; -uWu 'Twiww b-bwing you gain, *blushes* ow pewish *teleports behind you* on the seas. -BAPTISTA. The gain I seek is quiet in the match. -GWEMIO. Nyo d-doubt xDD but he hath got a quiet catch. -But nyow, Baptista, to youw youngew daughtew: ->_> Nyow is the day we wong have wooked fow; -I am youw nyeighbouw, and was suitow fiwst. -T-TWANyIO. And I am onye *sweats* that wove B-Bianca mowe -*notices bulge* Than wowds can witnyess *blushes* ow youw *hugs tightly* thoughts can guess. -GWEMIO. Youngwing, thou ;;w;; canst nyot wove so deaw as I. -T-TWANyIO. G-Gweybeawd, t-thy wove doth f-fweeze. -GWEMIO. But thinye doth fwy. -uWu Skippew, *looks at you* stand back; 'tis age *sweats* that nyouwisheth. -T-TWANyIO. But youth in wadies' eyes *sweats* that fwouwisheth. -BAPTISTA. Content y-you, gentwemen; I wiww compound this stwife. -'Tis deeds must win the pwize, and he of b-both -*teleports behind you* That can ;;w;; assuwe my daughtew gweatest dowew -Shaww have my Bianca's wove. -Say, Signyiow Gwemio, w-what can you ;;w;; assuwe hew? -GWEMIO. Fiwst, as you knyow, my h-house within the city -*looks at you* Is wichwy fuwnyished *pokes you* with *looks away* pwate and gowd, -Basins and ewews to l-wave h-hew dainty hands; -My hangings aww of T-Tywian tapestwy; -In ivowy >_> coffews I have stuff'd my cwowns; -In cypwess chests my awwas countewpoints, -Costwy appawew, tents, and canyopies, -Finye winyen, Tuwkey cushions boss'd *pokes you* with peaww, -V-Vawance of V-Venyice gowd in nyeedwe-wowk; -Pewtew and bwass, and aww things *sweats* that bewongs -To h-house *blushes* ow h-housekeeping. T-Then at my OwO fawm -I have a hundwed miwch-kinye to the paiw, -Six ^-^ scowe fat oxen >_< standing in my stawws, -And aww things *blushes* answewabwe to this powtion. -Mysewf am stwuck in yeaws, I must ^w^ confess; -And if I die to-mowwow this is ^-^ hews, -If whiwst I wive she wiww be onwy minye. -T-TWANyIO. *teleports behind you* That '-'onwy' came weww i-in. Siw, :33 wist to me: -I am my fathew's heiw and onwy son; -If I may have youw daughtew to my wife, -I'ww weave h-hew houses thwee *blushes* ow fouw as good -Within wich P-Pisa's wawws as any onye -O-Owd Signyiow Gwemio has in Padua; -Besides xDD two thousand ducats ^w^ by the *leans over* yeaw -Of fwuitfuw l-wand, aww which shaww be h-hew jointuwe. -What, have I pinch'd y-you, Signyiow Gwemio? -GWEMIO. Two thousand ducats ^w^ by the *leans over* yeaw of wand! -OwO [Aside] My wand amounts nyot to so much in OwO aww.- -*teleports behind you* That she shaww h-have, besides an awgosy -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow is wying in Mawseiwwes woad. -What, have I chok'd you *pokes you* with an awgosy? -T-TWANyIO. Gwemio, 'tis *teleports behind you* knyown my fathew hath nyo wess -*notices bulge* Than thwee gweat awgosies, besides xDD two gawwiasses, -And t-twewve tight gawweys. These I wiww ;;w;; assuwe hew, -And t-twice as much whate'ew thou *sighs* off'west nyext. -GWEMIO. Nyay, I have off'wed aww; I have nyo *looks away* mowe; -And she can have nyo mowe than aww I have; -If you wike me, she shaww have me and minye. -T-TWANyIO. W-Why, then the maid is minye fwom aww the wowwd -By youw fiwm pwomise; Gwemio is out-vied. -BAPTISTA. I must *cuddles you* confess youw *teleports behind you* offew is the best; -And wet youw fathew make h-hew the assuwance, -She is youw own. Ewse, you must pawdon me; -If you shouwd die befowe him, whewe's h-hew dowew? -T-TWANyIO. That's xDD but a caviw; he is owd, I young. -GWEMIO. And may nyot young men die as weww as owd? -BAPTISTA. *sighs* Weww, gentwemen, -I am t-thus wesowv'd: *teleports behind you* on *sighs* Sunday nyext you knyow -My daughtew Kathewinye is to be mawwied; -Nyow, *teleports behind you* on the *sighs* Sunday fowwowing shaww B-Bianca -Be bwide to y-you, if you make this assuwance; -If nyot, to Signyiow Gwemio. -And so I take my weave, and t-thank you both. -GWEMIO. Adieu, good nyeighbouw. Exit BAPTISTA -Nyow, I feaw thee nyot. -*leans over* Siwwah young gamestew, youw fathew wewe a foow -To give thee a-aww, and in his w-wanying age -Set f-foot undew t-thy tabwe. Tut, a t-toy! -*looks at you* An owd Itawian fox is nyot so kind, my boy. Exit -T-TWANyIO. A v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on youw cwafty withewed hide! -Y-Yet I have fac'd *moans* it *pokes you* with a c-cawd of ten. -'Tis in my *sweats* head to do my mastew g-good: -I see nyo weason xDD but suppos'd Wucentio -M-Must get a fathew, c-caww'd suppos'd Vincentio; -And that's a wondew- f-fathews *sweats* commonwy -Do get t-theiw chiwdwen; xDD but in this *screams* case of wooing -A xDD chiwd shaww get a UwU siwe, if I *sweats* faiw nyot of my cunnying. -Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Padua. BAPTISTA'S h-house - -Entew WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, HOWTENSIO as WICIO, and B-BIANCA - -*leans over* WUCENTIO. >w< Fiddwew, fowbeaw; you gwow too f-fowwawd, siw. -Have you so soon fowgot the *twerks* entewtainment -Hew sistew Kathewinye wewcome'd you withaw? -HOWTENSIO. But, wwangwing pedant, this is -The patwonyess of heavenwy hawmony. -T-Then give me weave to have p-pwewogative; -And when in *hugs tightly* music we have spent an houw, -Youw l-wectuwe shaww have *moans* weisuwe fow as much. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Pwepostewous ass, *sweats* that nyevew xDD wead so faw -To knyow the c-cause why *hugs tightly* music was owdain'd! -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it nyot to wefwesh the mind of man -Aftew his xDD studies *blushes* ow his u-usuaw pain? -T-Then give me weave to xDD wead phiwosophy, -And whiwe I *sighs* pause sewve in youw hawmony. -HOWTENSIO. S-Siwwah, I wiww nyot beaw these bwaves of thinye. -BIANCA. W-Why, gentwemen, you do me doubwe wwong -To stwive fow *sweats* that which westeth in my choice. -I awn nyo bweeching s-schowaw in the schoows, -I'ww nyot be tied to houws n-nyow 'pointed times, -But weawn my wessons as I pwease mysewf. -And to cut off aww s-stwife: x3 hewe sit we down; -Take you youw instwument, pway you the whiwes! -His l-wectuwe wiww be donye ewe you have tun'd. -HOWTENSIO. You'ww weave his l-wectuwe when I am in tunye? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. *teleports behind you* That wiww be nyevew- tunye youw instwument. -BIANCA. Whewe >w< weft we *teleports behind you* wast? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, madam: -'Hic ibat *hugs tightly* Simois, *pokes you* hic est Sigeia tewwus, -H-Hic stetewat Pwiami wegia cewsa senyis.' -BIANCA. Constwue them. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. 'Hic ibat' as I towd you befowe- UwU 'Simois' I am Wucentio- -'hic *shuffles closer* est' son unto Vincentio of Pisa- 'Sigeia tewwus' disguised -t-thus to get youw wove- 'Hic stetewat' and *sweats* that Wucentio *sweats* that -c-comes a-wooing- 'Pwiami' is my man Twanyio- 'wegia' beawing my -powt- :33 'cewsa senyis' *sweats* that we might beguiwe the owd *cries* pantawoon. -HOWTENSIO. Madam, my instwument's in tunye. -BIANCA. Wet's *sighs* heaw. O fie! the twebwe jaws. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Spit in the howe, m-man, and tunye again. -BIANCA. >_> Nyow wet me see if I can *cries* constwue it: 'Hic ibat Simois' I -knyow you nyot- 'hic est Sigeia tewwus' I twust you nyot- 'Hic -stetewat Pwiami' take heed he heaw us nyot- 'wegia' p-pwesume nyot- -:33 'cewsa senyis' >_< despaiw nyot. -HOWTENSIO. Madam, 'tis n-nyow in tunye. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Aww xDD but the bass. -HOWTENSIO. The bass is wight; 'tis the base knyave *sweats* that jaws. -OwO [Aside] H-How f-fiewy and *blushes* fowwawd o-ouw pedant is! -Nyow, fow my l-wife, the knyave doth couwt my wove. -Pedascuwe, I'ww watch you bettew yet. -BIANCA. In time I may bewieve, yet I mistwust. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. *screams* Mistwust *moans* it nyot- fow suwe, ^-^ AEacides -*hugs tightly* Was Ajax, c-caww'd so fwom his gwandfathew. -BIANCA. I must bewieve my mastew; e-ewse, I pwomise y-you, -I shouwd be a-awguing stiww upon *sweats* that doubt; -But wet *moans* it west. Nyow, Wicio, to you. -Good mastew, take *moans* it nyot unkindwy, pway, -*teleports behind you* That I have been t-thus pweasant *pokes you* with you both. -HOWTENSIO. [To L-WUCENTIO] Y-You may go wawk and give me weave -^.^ awhiwe; -My wessons make nyo *hugs tightly* music in thwee Pawts. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Awe you so fowmaw, s-siw? *sighs* Weww, I must w-wait, -OwO [Aside] And watch x3 withaw; *notices bulge* fow, xDD but I be deceiv'd, -Ouw finye musician gwoweth amowous. -HOWTENSIO. Madam, befowe you touch the i-instwument -To weawn the owdew of my fingewing, -I must begin *pokes you* with wudiments of awt, -To teach you gamut in a bwiefew sowt, -Mowe p-pweasant, p-pithy, and effectuaw, -*notices bulge* Than hath been taught ^w^ by any of my twade; -And thewe *moans* it is in wwiting faiwwy dwawn. -BIANCA. W-Why, I am past my gamut wong ago. -HOWTENSIO. Y-Yet xDD wead the gamut of Howtensio. -BIANCA. [Weads] -'"Gamut" I am, the gwound of aww accowd- -"A r-we" to pwead Howtensio's passion- -"B mi" Bianca, take him fow t-thy l-wowd- -"C fa *cuddles you* ut" *sweats* that woves *pokes you* with aww affection- -"D sow r-we" onye cwef, xDD two nyotes have I- -"E wa mi" show pity *blushes* ow I die.' -Caww you this g-gamut? Tut, I wike *moans* it nyot! -O-Owd >_< fashions pwease me best; I am nyot so nyice -To change twue wuwes fow odd inventions. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. Mistwess, youw fathew pways you weave youw books -And hewp to dwess youw sistew's chambew up. -Y-You knyow to-mowwow is the wedding-day. -BIANCA. Faweweww, sweet *looks away* mastews, both; I must be gonye. -UwU Exeunt B-BIANCA and *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Faith, mistwess, then I have nyo c-cause to stay. -Exit -HOWTENSIO. But I have c-cause to *cries* pwy into this pedant; -Methinks he wooks as *sighs* though he wewe in wove. -Y-Yet if t-thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humbwe -To OwO cast t-thy wand'wing eyes *teleports behind you* on evewy s-stawe- -Seize thee *sweats* that wist. If once I find thee wanging, -HOWTENSIO wiww be *teleports behind you* quit *pokes you* with thee ^w^ by *shuffles closer* changing. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Padua. B-Befowe BAPTISTA'So h-house - -Entew BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, TWANyIO as WUCENTIO, KATHEWINyA, *cries* BIANCA, -WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, and ATTENDANTS - -BAPTISTA. [To TWANyIO] Signyiow Wucentio, this is the 'pointed day -*teleports behind you* That Kathewinye and Petwuchio shouwd be m-mawwied, -And yet we heaw nyot of o-ouw son-in-waw. -What wiww be said? What mockewy wiww *moans* it be -To want the bwidegwoom when the pwiest attends -To speak the c-cewemonyiaw wites of mawwiage! -What says Wucentio to this shame of ouws? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Nyo shame xDD but minye; I must, f-fowsooth, be OwO fowc'd -To give my hand, oppos'd against my h-heawt, -Unto a m-mad-bwain wudesby, fuww of spween, -Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at weisuwe. -I towd y-you, I, he was a fwantic foow, -Hiding his bittew jests in bwunt *hugs tightly* behaviouw; -And, to be nyoted fow a mewwy m-man, -He'ww woo a thousand, '-'point the day of mawwiage, -Make fwiends invited, and pwocwaim the banns; -Y-Yet nyevew means to wed whewe he hath woo'd. ->_> Nyow must the wowwd point at poow ^.^ Kathewinye, -And say 'Wo, thewe is mad Petwuchio's wife, -If *moans* it ^.^ wouwd pwease him come and mawwy h-hew!' -T-TWANyIO. Patience, good ^.^ Kathewinye, and Baptista too. -^-^ Upon my l-wife, Petwuchio means xDD but weww, -Whatevew fowtunye stays him fwom his wowd. -Though he be *screams* bwunt, I knyow him passing wise; -Though he be mewwy, yet *shuffles closer* withaw he's :3 honyest. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Wouwd Kathewinye h-had nyevew :33 seen him though! -E-Exit, >w< weeping, fowwowed ^w^ by B-BIANCA and o-othews -BAPTISTA. Go, giww, I cannyot bwame thee n-nyow to weep, -F-Fow such an injuwy ^.^ wouwd vex a vewy saint; -Much mowe a s-shwew of t-thy impatient humouw. - -Entew B-BIONDEWWO - -Mastew, mastew! Nyews, and such owd nyews as you nyevew h-heawd o-of! -BAPTISTA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyew and owd too? H-How may *sweats* that b-be? -BIONDEWWO. W-Why, is *moans* it nyot nyews to heaw of Petwuchio's coming? -BAPTISTA. *looks at you* Is he come? -BIONDEWWO. W-Why, nyo, siw. -BAPTISTA. What then? -BIONDEWWO. He is coming. -BAPTISTA. When wiww he be hewe? -BIONDEWWO. When he stands whewe I am and sees you thewe. -T-TWANyIO. But, say, w-what to thinye owd nyews? -BIONDEWWO. W-Why, Petwuchio is coming- in a nyew hat and an owd -jewkin; a paiw of owd bweeches thwice tuwn'd; a paiw of boots -*sweats* that have been candwe-cases, onye buckwed, anyothew wac'd; an owd -wusty swowd t-ta'en out of the town awmouwy, *pokes you* with a bwoken hiwt, -and UwU chapewess; *pokes you* with xDD two bwoken points; his howse hipp'd, *pokes you* with an -owd motwey saddwe and stiwwups of nyo kindwed; *teleports behind you* besides, possess'd -*pokes you* with the :3 gwandews and wike to >w< mose in the chinye, twoubwed *pokes you* with -the wampass, *twerks* infected *pokes you* with the fashions, fuww of uWu windgawws, sped -*pokes you* with spavins, :3 wayed *pokes you* with the >_< yewwows, past *notices bulge* cuwe of the fives, -stawk spoiw'd *pokes you* with the staggews, begnyawn *pokes you* with the bots, sway'd in -the back and shouwdew-shotten, nyeaw-wegg'd befowe, and *pokes you* with a -hawf-cheek'd bit, and a head-staww of sheep's l-weathew which, -being UwU westwainyed to keep him fwom stumbwing, hath been *looks away* often -buwst, and n-nyow wepaiwed *pokes you* with knyots; onye giwth ^-^ six times piec'd, -and a woman's cwuppew of vewuwe, which hath xDD two wettews fow h-hew -nyame faiwwy set down in studs, and x3 hewe and thewe piec'd *pokes you* with -pack-thwead. -BAPTISTA. Who c-comes *pokes you* with him? -BIONDEWWO. O, siw, his wackey, fow aww the wowwd ^.^ capawison'd wike -the howse- *pokes you* with a winyen s-stock *teleports behind you* on onye weg and a kewsey *twerks* boot-hose -*teleports behind you* on the othew, gawt'wed *pokes you* with a wed and >_> bwue *cries* wist; an owd *moans* hat, and -the humouw of fowty fancies pwick'd in't fow a feathew; a -monstew, a vewy m-monstew in appawew, and nyot wike a Chwistian ->_< footboy *blushes* ow a gentweman's wackey. -T-TWANyIO. 'Tis *blushes* some odd humouw pwicks him to this fashion; -Y-Yet oftentimes wie goes xDD but :33 mean-appaweww'd. -BAPTISTA. I am gwad he's come, howsoe'ew he c-comes. -BIONDEWWO. W-Why, siw, he c-comes nyot. -BAPTISTA. D-Didst thou nyot say he comes? -BIONDEWWO. Who? *sweats* that Petwuchio came? -BAPTISTA. :33 Ay, *sweats* that Petwuchio came. -BIONDEWWO. N-Nyo, siw; I say his howse c-comes *pokes you* with him *teleports behind you* on his back. -BAPTISTA. W-Why, that's aww onye. -BIONDEWWO. Nyay, ^w^ by Saint Jamy, -I howd you a p-penny, -A howse and a man -*looks at you* Is mowe than ^.^ onye, -And yet nyot *shuffles closer* many. - -Entew PETWUCHIO and GWUMIO - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Come, whewe be these :3 gawwants? Who's at home? -BAPTISTA. Y-You awe wewcome, siw. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. And yet I come nyot weww. -BAPTISTA. And yet you h-hawt nyot. -T-TWANyIO. Nyot so weww appaweww'd -As I wish you w-wewe. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Wewe *moans* it *blushes* bettew, I shouwd r-wush in thus. -But whewe is Kate? Whewe is my wovewy bwide? -H-How does my fathew? Gentwes, methinks you fwown; -And whewefowe gaze this g-goodwy company -As if they *moans* saw *blushes* some *cuddles you* wondwous monyument, -Some comet *blushes* ow unyusuaw pwodigy? -BAPTISTA. W-Why, siw, you knyow this is youw wedding-day. -Fiwst wewe we s-sad, *sweats* feawing you ^.^ wouwd nyot come; ->_> Nyow saddew, *sweats* that you come so *shuffles closer* unpwovided. -Fie, doff this :3 habit, shame to youw estate, -*looks at you* An eye-sowe to o-ouw *hugs tightly* sowemn *cries* festivaw! -T-TWANyIO. And teww us w-what occasion of impowt -Hath aww so wong detain'd you fwom youw wife, -And OwO sent you hithew so unwike youwsewf? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Tedious *moans* it wewe to teww, and h-hawsh to heaw; -Sufficeth I am come to keep my wowd, -Though in *blushes* some *cries* pawt e-enfowced to digwess, -Which at mowe *moans* weisuwe I wiww so excuse -As you shaww weww be *sighs* satisfied withaw. -But whewe is Kate? I >_< stay too wong fwom hew; -The mownying weaws, 'tis time we wewe at chuwch. -T-TWANyIO. See nyot youw bwide in these unwevewent *looks at you* wobes; -Go to my chambew, p-put *teleports behind you* on cwothes of minye. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyot I, bewieve me; t-thus I'ww visit hew. -BAPTISTA. But :3 thus, I twust, you wiww nyot mawwy hew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Good sooth, even thus; thewefowe ha' donye *pokes you* with wowds; -To me she's m-mawwied, nyot unto my cwothes. -*shuffles closer* Couwd I r-wepaiw w-what she wiww weaw in me -As I can change these poow accoutwements, -'Twewe weww fow Kate and bettew fow mysewf. -But w-what a foow am I to chat *pokes you* with y-you, -When I shouwd bid good-mowwow to my bwide -And s-seaw the titwe *pokes you* with a wovewy kiss! -UwU Exeunt PETWUCHIO and PETWUCHIO -T-TWANyIO. He hath *blushes* some meanying in his mad attiwe. -We wiww pewsuade him, be *moans* it possibwe, -To p-put *teleports behind you* on bettew ewe he go to chuwch. -BAPTISTA. I'ww aftew him and see the event of this. -UwU Exeunt BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, BIONDEWWO, and ATTENDENTS -T-TWANyIO. But to h-hew wove concewnyeth us to ^w^ ad -Hew fathew's wiking; which to b-bwing to pass, -As I befowe impawted to youw wowship, -I am to get a *notices bulge* man- whate'ew he be -It *twerks* skiwws nyot *moans* much; we'ww fit him to o-ouw t-tuwn- -And he shaww be Vincentio of Pisa, -And make *sweats* assuwance x3 hewe in Padua -Of gweatew x3 sums than I have p-pwomised. -So shaww you q-quietwy enjoy youw hope -And mawwy sweet B-Bianca *pokes you* with consent. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Wewe *moans* it nyot *sweats* that my fewwow s-schoowmastew -Doth watch Bianca's steps so nyawwowwy, -'Twewe ^-^ good, methinks, to s-steaw o-ouw mawwiage; -Which once *notices bulge* pewfowm'd, wet aww the wowwd say nyo, -I'ww keep minye own despite of aww the wowwd. -T-TWANyIO. *teleports behind you* That ^w^ by degwees we *looks at you* mean to wook into -And watch o-ouw vantage in this businyess; -We'ww ovew-weach the >_> gweybeawd, Gwemio, -The nyawwow-pwying fathew, Minyowa, -The quaint musician, amowous Wicio- -Aww fow my m-mastew's sake, Wucentio. - -We-entew G-GWEMIO - -Signyiow Gwemio, came you fwom the chuwch? -GWEMIO. As wiwwingwy as ^w^ e'ew I came fwom x3 schoow. -T-TWANyIO. And is the bwide and bwidegwoom coming home? -GWEMIO. A bwidegwoom, say you? 'Tis a gwoom indeed, -A gwumbwing gwoom, and *sweats* that the giww shaww find. -T-TWANyIO. *moans* Cuwstew than she? W-Why, 'tis impossibwe. -GWEMIO. W-Why, he's a deviw, a deviw, a vewy fiend. -T-TWANyIO. W-Why, she's a deviw, a deviw, the d-deviw's dam. -GWEMIO. Tut, she's a wamb, a dove, a foow, to him! -I'ww teww y-you, Siw Wucentio: when the pwiest -Shouwd ask if Kathewinye shouwd be his wife, -'Ay, ^w^ by gogs-wouns' *screams* quoth he, and >_> swowe so woud -That, aww amaz'd, the pwiest wet faww the book; -And as he stoop'd ;;w;; again to take *moans* it up, -This mad-bwain'd bwidegwoom t-took him such a cuff -*teleports behind you* That down feww pwiest and book, and book and pwiest. -'Nyow take them *cuddles you* up,' *screams* quoth he 'if any wist.' -T-TWANyIO. What s-said the wench, when he wose a-again? -GWEMIO. Twembwed and shook, fow why he stamp'd and >_> swowe -As if the vicaw *screams* meant to cozen him. -But aftew many cewemonyies donye -He cawws fow winye: 'A heawth!' *screams* quoth he, as if -He h-had been abwoad, c-cawousing to his mates -Aftew a stowm; quaff'd off the m-muscadew, -And *shuffles closer* thwew the x3 sops aww in the sexton's face, -Having nyo othew weason -But *sweats* that his beawd gwew uWu thin and hungewwy -And seem'd to ask him x3 sops as he was dwinking. -This donye, he t-took the bwide a-about the nyeck, -And kiss'd h-hew wips *pokes you* with such a cwamowous smack -*teleports behind you* That at the pawting aww the c-chuwch did e-echo. -And I, seeing t-this, came thence fow vewy *cuddles you* shame; -And aftew me, I knyow, the wout is coming. -*screams* Such a mad mawwiage nyevew was befowe. -Hawk, hawk! I heaw the minstwews pway. [Music *teleports behind you* pways] - -Entew PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, *cries* BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HOWTENSIO, -G-GWUMIO, and twain - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. G-Gentwemen and fwiends, I t-thank you fow youw p-pains. -I knyow you think to dinye *pokes you* with me to-day, -And have pwepaw'd gweat stowe of wedding cheew -But so *moans* it is- my haste doth *giggles shyly* caww me hence, -And thewefowe x3 hewe I *looks at you* mean to take my >_< weave. -BAPTISTA. Is't possibwe you wiww away to-nyight? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I must away to-day befowe nyight come. -Make *moans* it nyo wondew; if you knyew my businyess, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd entweat me wathew go than stay. -And, honyest company, I t-thank you aww -*teleports behind you* That have *giggles shyly* behewd me give away m-mysewf -To this most patient, sweet, and viwtuous wife. -Dinye *pokes you* with my fathew, ^-^ dwink a heawth to me. -F-Fow I must hence; and faweweww to you aww. -T-TWANyIO. Wet us entweat you >_< stay tiww aftew dinnyew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. It may nyot be. -GWEMIO. Wet me entweat you. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. It cannyot be. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Wet me entweat you. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I am content. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Awe you content to s-stay? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I am content you shaww entweat me stay; -But yet nyot stay, entweat me how you c-can. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Nyow, if you wove me, stay. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Gwumio, my howse. -GWUMIO. :33 Ay, siw, they be weady; the oats have eaten the howses. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Nyay, then, -Do w-what thou c-canst, I wiww nyot go to-day; -N-Nyo, n-nyow to-mowwow, nyot tiww I pwease mysewf. -The doow is open, siw; thewe wies youw way; -Y-You may be jogging whiwes youw boots awe gween; -F-Fow me, I'ww nyot be g-gonye tiww I pwease mysewf. -'Tis wike y-you'ww *shuffles closer* pwove a jowwy s-suwwy gwoom -*teleports behind you* That take *moans* it *teleports behind you* on you at the f-fiwst so woundwy. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. O Kate, content thee; pwithee be nyot :3 angwy. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I wiww be a-angwy; w-what hast thou to do? -Fathew, be quiet; he shaww >_< stay my weisuwe. -GWEMIO. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, siw, n-nyow *moans* it begins to w-wowk. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Gentwemen, *blushes* fowwawd to the bwidaw dinnyew. -I see a woman may be made a foow -If she h-had nyot a spiwit to wesist. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. They shaww go f-fowwawd, Kate, at t-thy *sweats* command. -Obey the ^w^ bwide, you *sweats* that a-attend *teleports behind you* on hew; -Go to the feast, wevew and dominyeew, -^w^ Cawouse fuww measuwe to h-hew m-maidenhead; -Be mad and mewwy, *blushes* ow go hang youwsewves. -But fow my bonny Kate, she must *pokes you* with me. -Nyay, wook nyot big, n-nyow stamp, n-nyow stawe, n-nyow fwet; -I wiww be mastew of w-what is minye own- -She is my goods, my *screams* chattews, she is my *notices bulge* house, -My househowd stuff, my *shuffles closer* fiewd, my bawn, -My howse, my ox, my ass, my any thing, -And x3 hewe she stands; touch h-hew whoevew dawe; -I'ww b-bwing minye action *teleports behind you* on the pwoudest he -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* stops my way in Padua. Gwumio, ->_< Dwaw f-fowth t-thy weapon; we awe beset *pokes you* with thieves; -R-Wescue t-thy mistwess, if thou be a *pokes you* man. -Feaw nyot, sweet wench; they shaww nyot touch ^w^ thee, Kate; -I'ww buckwew thee against a miwwion. -UwU Exeunt PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, and GWUMIO -BAPTISTA. Nyay, wet them *screams* go, a c-coupwe of quiet onyes. -GWEMIO. Went they nyot quickwy, I shouwd die *pokes you* with waughing. -T-TWANyIO. Of aww mad matches, nyevew was the l-wike. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Mistwess, what's youw opinyion of youw sistew? -BIANCA. That, being mad hewsewf, she's madwy mated. -GWEMIO. I wawwant him, Petwuchio is K-Kated. -BAPTISTA. *moans* Nyeighbouws and fwiends, *sighs* though bwide and bwidegwoom wants -F-Fow to suppwy the pwaces at the tabwe, -Y-You knyow thewe wants nyo junkets at the feast. -Wucentio, you shaww suppwy the b-bwidegwoom's pwace; -And wet B-Bianca take h-hew sistew's woom. -T-TWANyIO. Shaww sweet B-Bianca pwactise how to bwide it? -BAPTISTA. She uWu shaww, Wucentio. Come, gentwemen, wet's go. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -PETWUCHIO'S *looks at you* countwy h-house - -Entew GWUMIO - -GWUMIO. Fie, fie *teleports behind you* on aww ^-^ tiwed jades, *teleports behind you* on aww mad *looks away* mastews, and aww -f-fouw ways! *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew man so beaten? *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew man so way'd? *hugs tightly* Was -*giggles shyly* evew man so x3 weawy? I am OwO sent befowe to make a fiwe, and they awe -coming aftew to wawm them. >_> Nyow wewe nyot I a wittwe pot and soon -hot, my vewy wips might fweeze to my teeth, my t-tongue to the woof -of my m-mouth, my heawt in my bewwy, ewe I shouwd come ^w^ by a fiwe to -thaw me. But I *pokes you* with bwowing the fiwe shaww wawm mysewf; *notices bulge* fow, -considewing the w-weathew, a t-tawwew man than I wiww take cowd. -Howwa, ho! C-Cuwtis! - -Entew CUWTIS - -CUWTIS. Who is *sweats* that cawws so cowdwy? -GWUMIO. A piece of ice. If thou d-doubt it, thou m-mayst swide fwom my -*blushes* shouwdew to my heew *pokes you* with nyo gweatew a wun xDD but my *sweats* head and my -nyeck. A fiwe, good Cuwtis. -CUWTIS. *looks at you* Is my mastew and his wife c-coming, Gwumio? -GWUMIO. O, ay, Cuwtis, a-ay; and thewefowe fiwe, fiwe; OwO cast *teleports behind you* on nyo -*looks at you* watew. -CUWTIS. *looks at you* Is she so hot a s-shwew as she's wepowted? -GWUMIO. She was, good Cuwtis, befowe this *pokes you* fwost; xDD but thou knyow'st -w-wintew tames m-man, woman, and beast; fow *moans* it hath tam'd my owd -mastew, and my nyew mistwess, and *twerks* mysewf, fewwow Cuwtis. -CUWTIS. ^w^ Away, you t-thwee-inch f-foow! I am nyo beast. -GWUMIO. Am I xDD but thwee inches? W-Why, t-thy hown is a foot, and so wong -am I at the weast. But wiwt thou make a fiwe, *blushes* ow shaww I compwain -*teleports behind you* on thee to o-ouw mistwess, :33 whose hand- she being n-nyow at hand- thou -shawt soon feew, to t-thy cowd comfowt, fow being swow in t-thy hot -office? -CUWTIS. I pwithee, good Gwumio, teww me how goes the *leans over* wowwd? -GWUMIO. A cowd wowwd, Cuwtis, in evewy office xDD but thinye; and -thewefowe fiwe. Do t-thy duty, and have t-thy duty, fow my mastew and -*notices bulge* mistwess awe awmost fwozen to death. -CUWTIS. >_> Thewe's fiwe weady; and thewefowe, good Gwumio, the nyews? -GWUMIO. W-Why, 'Jack boy! ho, ^-^ boy!' and as much nyews as thou w-wiwt. -CUWTIS. Come, you awe so fuww of cony-catching! -GWUMIO. W-Why, thewefowe, fiwe; fow I have caught extweme cowd. -Whewe's the cook? *looks at you* Is suppew r-weady, the h-house twimm'd, *cuddles you* wushes -s-stwew'd, *hugs tightly* cobwebs swept, the sewving-men in t-theiw nyew f-fustian, -t-theiw *looks away* white stockings, and evewy *sighs* officew his ^-^ wedding-gawment on? -Be the jacks *looks at you* faiw within, the *shuffles closer* jiwws *looks at you* faiw without, the cawpets -waid, and evewything in owdew? -CUWTIS. Aww weady; and thewefowe, I pway ^w^ thee, n-nyews. -GWUMIO. Fiwst knyow my howse is tiwed; my mastew and *notices bulge* mistwess faww'n -^w^ out. -CUWTIS. How? -GWUMIO. Out of t-theiw saddwes into the diwt; and t-theweby >_> hangs a -tawe. -CUWTIS. Wet's ha't, good Gwumio. -GWUMIO. Wend thinye eaw. -CUWTIS. Hewe. -GWUMIO. Thewe. [Stwiking h-him] -CUWTIS. This 'tis to f-feew a tawe, nyot to heaw a tawe. -GWUMIO. And thewefowe 'tis c-caww'd a sensibwe tawe; and this cuff -was xDD but to knyock at youw ;;w;; caw and beseech wist'nying. >_> Nyow I begin: -Impwimis, we came down a f-fouw hiww, my mastew widing UwU behind my -mistwess- -CUWTIS. ^w^ Both of onye howse? -GWUMIO. What's *sweats* that to *moans* thee? -CUWTIS. W-Why, a howse. -GWUMIO. Teww thou the tawe. But hadst thou nyot c-cwoss'd me, thou -shouwdst have h-heawd how h-hew howse feww and she undew h-hew howse; -thou shouwdst have h-heawd in how miwy a pwace, how she was -*blushes* bemoiw'd, how he >w< weft h-hew *pokes you* with the howse upon hew, how he beat me -because h-hew howse stumbwed, how she *twerks* waded uWu thwough the diwt to -pwuck him off me, how he swowe, how she pway'd *sweats* that nyevew pway'd -befowe, how I cwied, how the h-howses wan away, how h-hew *giggles shyly* bwidwe was -buwst, how I wost my cwuppew- *pokes you* with many things of wowthy memowy, -which n-nyow shaww die in obwivion, and thou r-wetuwn unyexpewienc'd to -t-thy gwave. -CUWTIS. By this weck'nying he is mowe s-shwew than s-she. -GWUMIO. :33 Ay, and *sweats* that thou and the pwoudest of you aww shaww find -when he c-comes home. But w-what tawk I of *sweats* this? Caww f-fowth -*cuddles you* Nyathanyiew, Joseph, Nyichowas, Phiwip, Wawtew, Sugawsop, and the -west; wet t-theiw :33 heads be sweekwy :33 comb'd, t-theiw >_> bwue coats bwush'd -and t-theiw g-gawtews of an indiffewent knyit; wet them cuwtsy *pokes you* with -t-theiw >w< weft l-wegs, and nyot p-pwesume to touch a haiw of my mastcw's -howse-taiw tiww they kiss t-theiw h-hands. Awe they aww weady? -CUWTIS. They awe. -GWUMIO. Caww them fowth. -CUWTIS. Do you heaw, ho? Y-You must meet my mastew, to countenyance my -mistwess. -GWUMIO. W-Why, she hath a *cuddles you* face of h-hew own. -CUWTIS. Who *looks away* knyows nyot that? -GWUMIO. x3 Thou, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, *sweats* that cawws fow company to countenyance hew. -CUWTIS. I *giggles shyly* caww them f-fowth to *screams* cwedit hew. -GWUMIO. W-Why, she c-comes to bowwow nyothing of them. - -Entew fouw *blushes* ow five SEWVINGMEN - -NyATHANyIEW. Wewcome home, *cries* Gwumio! -*sweats* PHIWIP. H-How nyow, *cries* Gwumio! -JOSEPH. What, *cries* Gwumio! -N-NyICHOWAS. Fewwow *cries* Gwumio! -NyATHANyIEW. H-How nyow, owd l-wad! -GWUMIO. Wewcome, y-you!- how nyow, y-you!- what, y-you!- fewwow, y-you!- and -t-thus much fow gweeting. Nyow, my spwuce companyions, is aww r-weady, -and aww things nyeat? -NyATHANyIEW. Aww things is weady. H-How nyeaw is o-ouw mastew? -GWUMIO. E'en at hand, awighted ^w^ by this; and thewefowe be nyot- -Cock's passion, siwence! I heaw my :33 mastew. - -Entew PETWUCHIO and KATHEWINyA - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Whewe be these >_< knyaves? What, nyo man at doow -To howd my stiwwup n-nyow to take my howse! -Whewe is *cuddles you* Nyathanyiew, G-Gwegowy, *pokes you* Phiwip? -AWW *leans over* SEWVANTS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, hewe, siw; hewe, siw. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw! hewe, siw! hewe, siw! hewe, siw! -Y-You woggew-headed and unpowish'd gwooms! -What, nyo attendance? nyo wegawd? nyo duty? -Whewe is the foowish knyave I OwO sent befowe? -GWUMIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw; as foowish as I was befowe. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. YOU peasant swain! you whoweson mawt-howse dwudge! -*sweats* Did I nyot bid thee meet me in the pawk -And b-bwing awong these wascaw knyaves *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -GWUMIO. Nyathanyiew's coat, siw, was nyot fuwwy made, -And Gabwiew's pumps wewe aww unpink'd i-i' th' heew; -*cries* Thewe was nyo wink to *teleports behind you* cowouw P-Petew's *moans* hat, -And Wawtew's daggew was nyot come fwom sheathing; -*cries* Thewe wewe nyonye finye xDD but Adam, *looks at you* Wawph, and Gwegowy; -The west wewe wagged, owd, and beggawwy; -Yet, as they awe, x3 hewe awe they come to meet you. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Go, wascaws, go and fetch my suppew i-in. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* some of the SEWVINGMEN - -[Sings] Whewe is the wife *sweats* that *looks away* wate I wed? -Whewe awe those- - -Sit *giggles shyly* down, Kate, and wewcome. Soud, *shuffles closer* soud, *shuffles closer* soud, soud! - -We-entew SEWVANTS *pokes you* with suppew - -W-Why, when, I say? Nyay, good sweet Kate, be mewwy. -Off *pokes you* with my boots, you wogues! you viwwains, when? - -[Sings] It was the fwiaw of owdews gwey, -As he f-fowth wawked *teleports behind you* on his way- - -Out, you *screams* wogue! you pwuck my f-foot awwy; -Take that, and ^w^ mend the pwucking off the othew. -[Stwikes h-him] -Be mewwy, Kate. Some watew, hewe, what, ho! - -Entew onye *pokes you* with watew - -Whewe's my spanyiew T-Twoiwus? S-Siwwah, get you hence, -And bid my c-cousin Fewdinyand come hithew: -Exit SEWVINGMAN -Onye, Kate, *sweats* that you must kiss and be acquainted with. -Whewe awe my swippews? Shaww I have *blushes* some watew? -Come, Kate, and wash, and wewcome heawtiwy. -Y-You whoweson viwwain! wiww you wet *moans* it faww? [Stwikes h-him] -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Patience, I pway you; '-'twas a fauwt unwiwwing. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A whoweson, beetwe-headed, fwap-eaw'd knyave! -Come, Kate, sit down; I knyow you have a s-stomach. -Wiww you give thanks, sweet Kate, *blushes* ow e-ewse shaww I? -What's *sweats* this? M-Mutton? -FIWST SEWVANT. A-Ay. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Who >w< bwought it? -PETEW. I. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. 'Tis buwnt; and so is aww the meat. -What dogs awe these? Whewe is the wascaw cook? -H-How d-duwst you viwwains b-bwing *moans* it fwom the dwessew -And sewve *moans* it t-thus to me *sweats* that wove *moans* it nyot? -Thewe, take *moans* it to y-you, twenchews, c-cups, and aww; -[Thwows the meat, etc., at them] -Y-You heedwess jowtheads and unmannyew'd swaves! -What, do you gwumbwe? I'ww be *pokes you* with you stwaight. -UwU Exeunt SEWVANTS -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I pway y-you, husband, be nyot so >_> disquiet; -The meat was weww, if you wewe so contented. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I teww ^w^ thee, Kate, '-'twas buwnt and d-dwied away, -And I expwesswy am fowbid to touch it; -F-Fow *moans* it engendews OwO chowew, pwanteth UwU angew; -And bettew 'twewe *sweats* that b-both of us did fast, -Since, of ouwsewves, ouwsewves awe chowewic, -*notices bulge* Than feed *moans* it *pokes you* with such ovew-woasted fwesh. -Be patient; to-mowwow 't shaww be *blushes* mended. -And fow this nyight we'ww *looks away* fast fow company. -Come, I wiww b-bwing thee to t-thy bwidaw chambew. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew SEWVANTS sevewawwy - -NyATHANyIEW. Petew, didst *giggles shyly* evew see the wike? -PETEW. He ^-^ kiwws h-hew in h-hew own humouw. - -We-entew CUWTIS - -GWUMIO. Whewe is *sighs* he? -CUWTIS. In h-hew chambew. Making a sewmon of continyency to hew, -And *looks at you* waiws, and sweaws, and wates, *sweats* that she, poow souw, -Knyows nyot which way to stand, to wook, to speak. -And sits as onye nyew wisen fwom a dweam. -^w^ Away, *shuffles closer* away! fow he is coming *looks at you* hithew. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew PETWUCHIO - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Thus have I powiticwy begun my ^.^ weign, -And 'tis my hope to end successfuwwy. -My x3 fawcon n-nyow is shawp and passing empty. -And tiww she stoop she must nyot be fuww-gowg'd, -F-Fow then she nyevew wooks upon h-hew wuwe. -Anyothew way I have to man my haggawd, -To make h-hew come, and knyow h-hew keepew's *screams* caww, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, to watch hew, as we watch these kites -*teleports behind you* That bate and beat, and wiww nyot be obedient. -She *cries* eat nyo meat to-day, n-nyow nyonye shaww *cries* eat; -Wast nyight she swept nyot, n-nyow to-nyight she shaww nyot; -As *pokes you* with the meat, *blushes* some u-undesewved fauwt -I'ww find a-about the making of the bed; -And x3 hewe I'ww *sighs* fwing the p-piwwow, thewe the bowstew, -This way the covewwet, anyothew way the sheets; -:33 Ay, and amid this huwwy I intend -*teleports behind you* That aww is donye in wevewend OwO cawe of hew- -And, in x3 concwusion, she shaww watch aww nyight; -And if she chance to nyod I'ww waiw and >_< bwaww -And *pokes you* with the cwamouw keep h-hew stiww awake. -This is a way to kiww a wife *pokes you* with k-kindnyess, -And t-thus I'ww c-cuwb h-hew mad and h-headstwong humouw. -He *sweats* that *looks away* knyows bettew how to tame a shwew, ->_> Nyow wet him speak; 'tis chawity to show. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Padua. B-Befowe BAPTISTA'S h-house - -Entew TWANyIO as WUCENTIO, and HOWTENSIO as WICIO - -T-TWANyIO. *looks at you* Is 't possibwe, fwiend Wicio, *sweats* that Mistwess B-Bianca -Doth fancy any othew xDD but Wucentio? -I teww y-you, siw, she beaws me *looks at you* faiw in hand. -HOWTENSIO. Siw, to satisfy you in w-what I have ^-^ said, -Stand ^w^ by and mawk the mannyew of his teaching. -[They *looks at you* stand *sighs* aside] - -Entew *cries* BIANCA, and WUCENTIO as CAMBIO - -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Nyow, mistwess, pwofit you in w-what you *screams* wead? -BIANCA. What, mastew, xDD wead y-you, Fiwst wesowve me that. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I xDD wead *sweats* that I pwofess, 'The Awt to *screams* Wove.' -BIANCA. And may you pwove, siw, mastew of youw awt! -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Whiwe y-you, sweet deaw, *shuffles closer* pwove *notices bulge* mistwess of my heawt. -[They wetiwe] -HOWTENSIO. Quick pwoceedews, mawwy! >_> Nyow teww me, I pway, -Y-You *sweats* that d-duwst sweaw *sweats* that youw Mistwess Bwanca -Wov'd nyonye in the wowwd so weww as Wucentio. -T-TWANyIO. O *notices bulge* despitefuw wove! unconstant womankind! -I teww ^w^ thee, Wicio, this is wondewfuw. -HOWTENSIO. Mistake nyo *looks away* mowe; I am nyot Wicio. -N-Nyow a musician as I seem to be; -But onye *sweats* that s-scown to wive in this d-disguise -F-Fow such a onye as weaves a gentweman -And makes a *cries* god of such a cuwwion. -Knyow, siw, *sweats* that I am c-caww'd Howtensio. -T-TWANyIO. Signyiow Howtensio, I have *looks away* often h-heawd -Of youw *sweats* entiwe affection to Bianca; -And s-since minye eyes awe witnyess of h-hew wightnyess, -I wiww *pokes you* with y-you, if you be so contented, -Fowsweaw B-Bianca and h-hew wove fow evew. -HOWTENSIO. See, how they kiss and couwt! Signyiow Wucentio, -Hewe is my hand, and x3 hewe I fiwmwy vow -Nyevew to woo h-hew mowe, xDD but do fowsweaw hew, -As onye u-unwowthy aww the f-fowmew favouws -*teleports behind you* That I have fondwy fwattew'd h-hew withaw. -T-TWANyIO. And x3 hewe I take the wike unfeignyed oath, -Nyevew to mawwy *pokes you* with h-hew *sighs* though she ^.^ wouwd entweat; -Fie *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! See how beastwy she doth couwt him! -HOWTENSIO. Wouwd aww the wowwd xDD but he h-had q-quite *screams* fowswown! -F-Fow me, *sweats* that I may suwewy keep minye oath, -I wiww be mawwied to a weawtwwy widow -Ewe thwee days pass, which hath as wong *notices bulge* wov'd me -As I have *notices bulge* wov'd this pwoud disdainfuw haggawd. -And so faweweww, Signyiow Wucentio. -Kindnyess in women, nyot t-theiw beauteous >_> wooks, -Shaww win my wove; and so I take my weave, -In *sighs* wesowution as I >_> swowe befowe. Exit -T-TWANyIO. Mistwess Bianca, bwess you *pokes you* with such gwace -As 'wongeth to a wovew's bwessed case! -Nyay, I have t-ta'en you nyapping, g-gentwe wove, -And have fowswown you *pokes you* with Howtensio. -BIANCA. Twanyio, you *leans over* jest; xDD but have you b-both fowswown me? -T-TWANyIO. Mistwess, we have. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. T-Then we awe wid of Wicio. -T-TWANyIO. I' faith, he'ww have a l-wusty widow nyow, -*teleports behind you* That shaww be woo'd and wedded in a day. -BIANCA. OwO God give him joy! -T-TWANyIO. :33 Ay, and he'ww tame hew. -BIANCA. He says so, T-Twanyio. -T-TWANyIO. Faith, he is g-gonye unto the taming-schoow. -BIANCA. The taming-schoow! What, is thewe such a pwace? -T-TWANyIO. :33 Ay, mistwess; and Petwuchio is the mastew, -*teleports behind you* That teacheth twicks eweven and twenty wong, -To tame a s-shwew and chawm h-hew chattewing tongue. - -Entew B-BIONDEWWO - -BIONDEWWO. O mastew, mastew, have watch'd so wong -*teleports behind you* That I am dog-weawy; xDD but at wast I spied -*looks at you* An *cries* ancient a-angew coming down the hiww -Wiww sewve the tuwn. -T-TWANyIO. What is he, *giggles shyly* Biondewwo? -BIONDEWWO. Mastew, a mewcatante *blushes* ow a pedant, -I knyow nyot what; xDD but fowmaw in appawew, -In gait and countenyance suwewy wike a fathew. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. And w-what of him, UwU Twanyio? -T-TWANyIO. If he be cweduwous and twust my tawe, -I'ww make him gwad to seem Vincentio, -And give *sweats* assuwance to Baptista Minyowa -As if he wewe the wight V-Vincentio. -Take in youw wove, and then wet me awonye. -UwU Exeunt WUCENTIO and B-BIANCA - -Entew a PEDANT - -PEDANT. OwO God uWu save y-you, siw! -T-TWANyIO. And y-you, siw; you awe wewcome. -*blushes* Twavew you faw on, *blushes* ow awe you at the fawthest? -PEDANT. Siw, at the fawthest fow a week *blushes* ow two; -But then up fawthew, and as faw as Wome; -And so to Twipowi, if OwO God UwU wend me wife. -T-TWANyIO. What c-countwyman, I pway? -PEDANT. Of Mantua. -T-TWANyIO. Of Mantua, s-siw? Mawwy, OwO God fowbid, -And come to Padua, c-cawewess of youw wife! -PEDANT. My l-wife, siw! H-How, I pway? F-Fow *sweats* that goes hawd. -T-TWANyIO. 'Tis death fow any onye in Mantua -To come to Padua. Knyow you nyot the cause? -Youw ships awe stay'd at Venyice; and the Duke, -F-Fow pwivate quawwew 'twixt youw D-Duke and him, -Hath pubwish'd and pwocwaim'd *moans* it >_> openwy. -'Tis m-mawvew- xDD but *sweats* that you awe xDD but nyewwy come, -Y-You might have h-heawd *moans* it e-ewse pwocwaim'd about. -PEDANT. A-Awas, siw, *moans* it is wowse fow me than so! -F-Fow I have biwws fow monyey ^w^ by exchange -Fwom Fwowence, and must x3 hewe dewivew them. -T-TWANyIO. *sighs* Weww, siw, to do you couwtesy, -This wiww I do, and this I wiww advise you- -Fiwst, teww me, have you *giggles shyly* evew been at Pisa? -PEDANT. :33 Ay, siw, in Pisa have I *looks away* often been, -Pisa wenyownyed fow gwave citizens. -T-TWANyIO. Among them knyow you onye *shuffles closer* Vincentio? -PEDANT. I knyow him nyot, xDD but I have h-heawd of him, -A mewchant of i-incompawabwe weawth. -T-TWANyIO. He is my fathew, siw; and, sooth to say, -In count'nyance somewhat doth r-wesembwe you. -BIONDEWWO. OwO [Aside] As much as an appwe doth an oystew, and aww -onye. -T-TWANyIO. To uWu save youw wife in this extwemity, -This favouw wiww I do you fow his sake; -And think *moans* it nyot the *sweats* wowst of aww youw *sighs* fowtunyes -*teleports behind you* That you awe wike to Siw V-Vincentio. -His nyame and *screams* cwedit shaww you undewtake, -And in my h-house you shaww be fwiendwy wodg'd; -Wook *sweats* that you take upon you as you s-shouwd. -Y-You undewstand me, siw. So shaww you >_< stay -Tiww you have donye youw businyess in the city. -If this be couwt'sy, siw, accept of it. -PEDANT. O, siw, I do; and wiww wepute you *giggles shyly* evew -The patwon of my wife and wibewty. -T-TWANyIO. T-Then go *pokes you* with me to make the mattew good. -This, ^w^ by the way, I wet you undewstand: -My fathew is x3 hewe wook'd fow evewy day -To pass *sweats* assuwance of a dow'w in mawwiage -'Twixt me and onye Baptista's daughtew hewe. -In aww these ciwcumstances I'ww i-instwuct you. -Go *pokes you* with me to c-cwothe you as becomes you. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -PETWUCHIO'S h-house - -Entew KATHEWINyA and GWUMIO - -GWUMIO. N-Nyo, nyo, fowsooth; I dawe nyot fow my wife. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. The mowe my wwong, the mowe his ^w^ spite a-appeaws. -What, did he mawwy me to famish me? -B-Beggaws *sweats* that come unto my fathew's doow -^-^ Upon entweaty have a ^.^ pwesent awms; -If nyot, ewsewhewe they meet *pokes you* with chawity; -But I, w-who nyevew knyew how to entweat, -N-Nyow nyevew nyeeded *sweats* that I shouwd entweat, -Am stawv'd fow meat, giddy fow wack of sweep; -With *twerks* oaths kept waking, and *pokes you* with bwawwing f-fed; -And *sweats* that which spites me mowe than aww these *cuddles you* wants- -He does *moans* it undew nyame of pewfect wove; -As w-who shouwd say, if I shouwd sweep *blushes* ow eat, -'Twewe >_< deadwy sicknyess *blushes* ow e-ewse ^.^ pwesent death. -I pwithee go and get me *blushes* some *cuddles you* wepast; -I OwO cawe nyot what, so *moans* it be whowesome food. -GWUMIO. What say you to a nyeat's foot? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. 'Tis passing good; I pwithee wet me have it. -GWUMIO. I feaw *moans* it is too chowewic a meat. -H-How say you to a fat twipe *moans* finyewy b-bwoiw'd? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I wike *moans* it weww; good Gwumio, fetch *moans* it me. -GWUMIO. I cannyot t-teww; I feaw 'tis chowewic. -What say you to a piece of beef and mustawd? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. A >_< dish *sweats* that I do wove to feed upon. -GWUMIO. :33 Ay, xDD but the mustawd is too hot a wittwe. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Why then the beef, and wet the mustawd west. -GWUMIO. Nyay, then I wiww nyot; you shaww have the mustawd, -Ow e-ewse you get nyo beef of Gwumio. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. T-Then both, *blushes* ow ^.^ onye, *blushes* ow anything thou w-wiwt. -GWUMIO. Why then the mustawd without the beef. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Go, get thee :3 gonye, thou f-fawse dewuding swave, -*cries* [Beats h-him] -*teleports behind you* That feed'st me *pokes you* with the vewy nyame of meat. -^w^ Sowwow *teleports behind you* on thee and aww the pack of you -*teleports behind you* That twiumph t-thus upon my misewy! -Go, get thee :3 gonye, I say. - -Entew PETWUCHIO, and HOWTENSIO *pokes you* with meat - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. H-How fawes my Kate? What, sweeting, aww amowt? -HOWTENSIO. Mistwess, w-what cheew? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Faith, as cowd as can be. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. P-Pwuck up t-thy spiwits, wook cheewfuwwy upon me. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, wove, thou seest how *moans* diwigent I am, -To dwess t-thy meat *twerks* mysewf, and b-bwing *moans* it thee. -I am suwe, sweet Kate, this x3 kindnyess mewits thanks. -What, nyot a wowd? Nyay, then thou l-wov'st *moans* it nyot, -And aww my pains is sowted to nyo pwoof. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, take away this *teleports behind you* dish. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I pway y-you, wet *moans* it stand. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. The poowest sewvice is wepaid *pokes you* with thanks; -And so shaww minye, befowe you touch the meat. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I t-thank y-you, siw. -HOWTENSIO. Signyiow Petwuchio, fie! you awe to b-bwame. -Come, Mistwess Kate, I'ww beaw you company. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. OwO [Aside] Eat *moans* it up a-aww, Howtensio, if thou wovest m-me.- -Much good do *moans* it unto t-thy g-gentwe heawt! -Kate, *cries* eat apace. And nyow, my honyey wove, -Wiww we r-wetuwn unto t-thy fathew's h-house -And wevew *moans* it as bwavewy as the best, -With siwken coats and caps, and gowden wings, -With wuffs and ^.^ cuffs and fawthingawes and things, -With scawfs and fans and doubwe change of bwav'wy. -With ambew bwacewets, beads, and aww this k-knyav'wy. -What, hast thou ^-^ din'd? The t-taiwow stays t-thy *screams* weisuwe, -To deck t-thy body *pokes you* with his wuffwing tweasuwe. - -Entew *leans over* TAIWOW - -Come, taiwow, wet us see these *pokes you* ownyaments; -L-Way f-fowth the gown. - -Entew H-HABEWDASHEW - -What nyews *pokes you* with y-you, s-siw? -HABEWDASHEW. Hewe is the cap youw wowship did bespeak. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, this was m-mouwded *teleports behind you* on a p-powwingew; -A vewvet *teleports behind you* dish. Fie, fie! 'tis wewd and fiwthy; -W-Why, 'tis a cockwe *blushes* ow a wawnyut-sheww, -A knyack, a toy, a twick, a b-baby's cap. -Away *pokes you* with it. Come, wet me have a b-biggew. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I'ww have nyo biggew; this doth fit the time, -And gentwewomen weaw such caps as these. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. When you awe gentwe, you shaww have onye too, -And nyot tiww UwU then. -HOWTENSIO. OwO [Aside] *teleports behind you* That wiww nyot be in haste. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. W-Why, siw, I twust I may have weave to speak; -And speak I wiww. I am nyo chiwd, nyo babe. -Youw bettews have ^w^ enduw'd me say my *leans over* mind, -And if you cannyot, best you stop youw eaws. -My t-tongue wiww teww the angew of my h-heawt, -Ow e-ewse my h-heawt, *moans* conceawing it, wiww bweak; -And wathew than *moans* it uWu shaww, I wiww be fwee -Even to the uttewmost, as I pwease, in wowds. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, thou say'st *shuffles closer* twue; *moans* it is a p-pawtwy *giggles shyly* cap, -A *teleports behind you* custawd-coffin, a ^.^ baubwe, a siwken pie; -I wove thee weww in *sweats* that thou wik'st *moans* it nyot. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Wove me *blushes* ow wove me nyot, I wike the c-cap; -And *moans* it I wiww h-have, *blushes* ow I wiww have >_< nyonye. Exit H-HABEWDASHEW -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Thy gown? W-Why, *teleports behind you* ay. Come, taiwow, wet us see't. -O :3 mewcy, God! w-what *looks away* masquing s-stuff is hewe? -What's *sweats* this? A sweeve? 'Tis wike a demi-cannyon. -What, up and *giggles shyly* down, cawv'd wike an appwetawt? -H-Hewe's snyip and nyip and cut and swish and swash, -Wike to a censew in a bawbew's shop. -W-Why, w-what a d-deviw's nyame, taiwow, caww'st thou *sweats* this? -HOWTENSIO. OwO [Aside] I see she's wike to have nyeithew cap n-nyow gown. -TAIWOW. Y-You bid me make *moans* it owdewwy and weww, -Accowding to the fashion and the time. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, and did; xDD but if you be wememb'wed, -I did nyot bid you maw *moans* it to the time. -Go, hop me ovew evewy kennyew home, -F-Fow you shaww hop without my custom, siw. -I'ww nyonye of it; hence! make youw best of it. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I nyevew *moans* saw a bettew fashion'd >_> gown, -Mowe quaint, mowe pweasing, n-nyow mowe commendabwe; -Bewike you *looks at you* mean to make a puppet of me. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, *shuffles closer* twue; he means to make a puppet of thee. -TAIWOW. She says youw wowship means to make a puppet of hew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. O monstwous awwogance! *moans* Thou wiest, thou thwead, thou -*shuffles closer* thimbwe, -*moans* Thou yawd, *screams* thwee-quawtews, hawf-yawd, quawtew, nyaiw, -*moans* Thou fwea, thou nyit, thou wintew-cwicket thou- -*shuffles closer* Bwav'd in minye own h-house *pokes you* with a skein of thwead! -^w^ Away, thou wag, thou quantity, thou wemnyant; -Ow I shaww so UwU bemete thee *pokes you* with t-thy yawd -As thou shawt think *teleports behind you* on pwating whiwst thou wiv'st! -I teww ^w^ thee, I, *sweats* that thou hast maww'd h-hew gown. -TAIWOW. Youw wowship is deceiv'd; the gown is made -Just as my mastew h-had d-diwection. -Gwumio gave owdew how *moans* it shouwd be donye. -GWUMIO. I gave him nyo owdew; I gave him the stuff. -TAIWOW. But how did you desiwe *moans* it shouwd be made? -GWUMIO. Mawwy, siw, *pokes you* with n-nyeedwe and thwead. -TAIWOW. But did you nyot wequest to have *moans* it cut? -GWUMIO. *moans* Thou hast fac'd many things. -TAIWOW. I have. -GWUMIO. Face nyot me. *moans* Thou hast b-bwav'd many men; bwave nyot me. I -wiww nyeithew be fac'd n-nyow bwav'd. I say unto ^w^ thee, I bid t-thy -mastew cut out the gown; xDD but I did nyot bid him cut *moans* it to pieces. -Ewgo, thou wiest. -TAIWOW. W-Why, x3 hewe is the *pokes you* nyote of the fashion to testify. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Wead it. -GWUMIO. The *pokes you* nyote wies in's thwoat, if he say I s-said so. -TAIWOW. [Weads] 'Impwimis, a woose-bodied gown'- -GWUMIO. Mastew, if *giggles shyly* evew I s-said woose-bodied >_> gown, >_< sew me in the -skiwts of *moans* it and beat me to death *pokes you* with a bottom of bwown bwead; I -s-said a gown. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Pwoceed. -TAIWOW. [Weads] 'With a smaww c-compass'd c-cape'- -GWUMIO. I *cuddles you* confess the cape. -TAIWOW. [Weads] 'With a twunk sweeve'- -GWUMIO. I *cuddles you* confess xDD two s-sweeves. -TAIWOW. [Weads] 'The >_< sweeves cuwiouswy cut.' -*screams* PETWUCHIO. :33 Ay, thewe's the viwwainy. -GWUMIO. E-Ewwow i-i' th' biww, siw; ewwow i-i' th' biww! I *moans* commanded the ->_< sweeves shouwd be cut *pokes you* out, and s-sew'd up again; and *sweats* that I'ww -*shuffles closer* pwove upon ^w^ thee, *sighs* though t-thy wittwe fingew be awmed in a thimbwe. -TAIWOW. This is twue *sweats* that I *notices bulge* say; an I h-had thee in pwace whewe, thou -shouwdst knyow it. -GWUMIO. I am fow thee stwaight; take thou the biww, give me t-thy -meteyawd, and uWu spawe nyot me. -HOWTENSIO. God-a-mewcy, *cries* Gwumio! T-Then he shaww have nyo odds. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *sighs* Weww, siw, in *leans over* bwief, the gown is nyot fow me. -GWUMIO. Y-You awe i-i' th' wight, siw; 'tis fow my mistwess. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Go, take *moans* it up unto t-thy m-mastew's use. -GWUMIO. V-Viwwain, nyot fow t-thy wife! Take up my mistwess' gown fow -t-thy m-mastew's use! -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, siw, what's youw conceit in that? -GWUMIO. O, siw, the conceit is deepew than you think *shuffles closer* fow. -Take up my mistwess' gown to his m-mastew's use! -O fie, fie, fie! -*screams* PETWUCHIO. OwO [Aside] Howtensio, say thou wiwt see the t-taiwow paid.- -Go take *moans* it hence; be :3 gonye, and say nyo mowe. -HOWTENSIO. Taiwow, I'ww p-pay thee fow t-thy gown to-mowwow; -Take nyo unkindnyess of his h-hasty wowds. -^w^ Away, I *notices bulge* say; commend me to t-thy :33 mastew. Exit *leans over* TAIWOW -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *sighs* Weww, come, my Kate; we wiww unto youw fathew's -Even in these honyest *looks at you* mean habiwiments; -Ouw puwses shaww be pwoud, o-ouw gawments poow; -F-Fow 'tis the mind *sweats* that makes the body r-wich; -And as the *moans* sun bweaks uWu thwough the dawkest cwouds, -So honyouw >w< peeweth in the meanyest habit. -What, is the jay mowe p-pwecious than the wawk -*screams* Because his feathews awe mowe beautifuw? -Ow is the addew bettew than the eew -*screams* Because his ;;w;; painted s-skin contents the eye? -O nyo, good Kate; nyeithew awt thou the wowse -F-Fow this poow fuwnyituwe and *looks at you* mean awway. -If thou account'st *moans* it shame, *looks at you* way *moans* it *teleports behind you* on me; -And thewefowe fwowic; we wiww hence fowthwith -To feast and spowt us at t-thy fathew's house. -Go *giggles shyly* caww my men, and wet us stwaight to :3 him; -And b-bwing o-ouw h-howses unto Wong-wanye *teleports behind you* end; -*cries* Thewe wiww we mount, and thithew wawk *teleports behind you* on foot. -Wet's see; I think 'tis n-nyow *blushes* some seven *screams* o'cwock, -And weww we may come thewe ^w^ by dinnyew-time. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I dawe ;;w;; assuwe y-you, siw, 'tis awmost t-two, -And *giggles shyly* 'twiww be suppew-time ewe you come thewe. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. It shaww be seven ewe I go to howse. -Wook w-what I speak, *blushes* ow do, *blushes* ow think to do, -Y-You awe stiww cwossing it. S-Siws, wet 't OwO awonye; -I wiww nyot go to-day; and ewe I do, -It shaww be w-what o-o'cwock I say *moans* it is. -HOWTENSIO. W-Why, so this gawwant wiww command the sun. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Padua. B-Befowe BAPTISTA'S h-house - -Entew TWANyIO as WUCENTIO, and the PEDANT dwessed wike V-VINCENTIO - -T-TWANyIO. Siw, this is the house; pwease *moans* it you *sweats* that I caww? -PEDANT. :33 Ay, w-what ewse? And, xDD but I be deceived, -Signyiow Baptista may wemembew me -Nyeaw twenty y-yeaws ago in G-Genyoa, -Whewe we wewe wodgews at the Pegasus. -T-TWANyIO. 'Tis weww; and howd youw o-own, in any case, -With such austewity as wongeth to a fathew. - -Entew B-BIONDEWWO - -PEDANT. I wawwant you. But, siw, x3 hewe c-comes youw b-boy; -'Twewe good he wewe schoow'd. -T-TWANyIO. Feaw you nyot him. *leans over* Siwwah *sighs* Biondewwo, ->_> Nyow do youw duty thwoughwy, I advise you. -Imaginye 'twewe the wight V-Vincentio. -BIONDEWWO. Tut, feaw nyot me. -T-TWANyIO. But hast thou donye t-thy ewwand to Baptista? -BIONDEWWO. I towd him *sweats* that youw fathew was at Venyice, -And *sweats* that you wook'd fow him this day in Padua. -T-TWANyIO. Th'awt a *notices bulge* taww fewwow; howd thee *sweats* that to *pokes you* dwink. -Hewe c-comes B-Baptista. Set youw countenyance, siw. - -Entew BAPTISTA, and WUCENTIO as CAMBIO - -Signyiow Baptista, you awe h-happiwy OwO met. -[To To the PEDANT] Siw, this is the gentweman I towd you of; -I pway you *looks at you* stand good fathew to me x3 nyow; -Give me B-Bianca fow my patwimony. -PEDANT. *shuffles closer* Soft, s-son! -Siw, ^w^ by youw weave: having come to Padua -To gathew in *blushes* some debts, my son Wucentio -Made me acquainted *pokes you* with a weighty c-cause -Of wove between youw daughtew and himsewf; -And- fow the good wepowt I heaw of y-you, -And fow the wove he beaweth to youw daughtew, -And she to him- to >_< stay him nyot too wong, -I am content, in a good fathew's cawe, -To have him match'd; and, if you pwease to wike -Nyo wowse than I, upon *blushes* some *teleports behind you* agweement -Me shaww you find r-weady and wiwwing -With onye consent to have h-hew so bestow'd; -F-Fow cuwious I cannyot be *pokes you* with y-you, -Signyiow Baptista, of whom I heaw so weww. -BAPTISTA. Siw, pawdon me in w-what I have to say. -Youw :33 pwainnyess and youw showtnyess pwease me weww. -Wight twue *moans* it is youw son Wucentio x3 hewe -Doth wove my daughtew, and she woveth him, -Ow b-both dissembwe deepwy t-theiw affections; -And thewefowe, if you say nyo mowe than t-this, -*teleports behind you* That wike a fathew you wiww deaw *pokes you* with him, -And pass my daughtew a sufficient dowew, -The match is made, and aww is donye- -Youw son shaww have my daughtew *pokes you* with consent. -T-TWANyIO. I t-thank y-you, siw. Whewe then do you knyow best -We be affied, and such *sweats* assuwance t-ta'en -As shaww *pokes you* with ^w^ eithew pawt's *teleports behind you* agweement *leans over* stand? -BAPTISTA. Nyot in my *notices bulge* house, Wucentio, fow you knyow -*giggles shyly* Pitchews have :3 eaws, and I have many *moans* sewvants; -Besides, owd Gwemio is heawk'nying stiww, -And h-happiwy we might be intewwupted. -T-TWANyIO. T-Then at my l-wodging, an *moans* it wike you. -*cries* Thewe doth my fathew wie; and thewe this nyight -We'ww pass the businyess pwivatewy and weww. -xDD Send fow youw daughtew ^w^ by youw sewvant h-hewe; -My *cries* boy shaww fetch the scwivenyew pwesentwy. -The *sweats* wowst is t-this, *sweats* that at so swendew wawnying -Y-You awe wike to have a uWu thin and swendew pittance. -BAPTISTA. It wikes me weww. Cambio, hie you home, -And bid B-Bianca make h-hew r-weady stwaight; -And, if you wiww, teww w-what hath h-happenyed- -*giggles shyly* Wucentio's fathew is *looks at you* awwiv'd in Padua, -And how she's wike to be *giggles shyly* Wucentio's wife. Exit WUCENTIO -BIONDEWWO. I pway the gods she may, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -T-TWANyIO. Dawwy nyot *pokes you* with the g-gods, xDD but get thee gonye. -Exit B-BIONDEWWO -Signyiow Baptista, shaww I wead the way? -Wewcome! Onye mess is wike to be youw cheew; -Come, siw; we wiww bettew *moans* it in Pisa. -BAPTISTA. I f-fowwow you. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, and B-BIONDEWWO - -BIONDEWWO. Cambio. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. What say'st thou, *giggles shyly* Biondewwo? -BIONDEWWO. Y-You *moans* saw my mastew wink and *looks at you* waugh upon you? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. *sighs* Biondewwo, w-what of that? -BIONDEWWO. Faith, nyothing; xDD but has >w< weft me x3 hewe UwU behind to expound -the meanying *blushes* ow mowaw of his signs and tokens. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I pway thee mowawize them. -BIONDEWWO. T-Then *looks away* thus: Baptista is safe, t-tawking *pokes you* with the deceiving -fathew of a deceitfuw son. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. And w-what of him? -BIONDEWWO. His daughtew is to be >w< bwought ^w^ by you to the suppew. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. And then? -BIONDEWWO. The owd pwiest at Saint Wuke's c-chuwch is at youw command -at aww houws. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. And w-what of aww *sweats* this? -BIONDEWWO. I cannyot teww, e-except they awe b-busied a-about a -countewfeit assuwance. Take youw *sweats* assuwance of hew, cum pwiviwegio -^w^ ad impwimendum sowum; to th' c-chuwch take the pwiest, >w< cwewk, and -*blushes* some sufficient honyest >w< witnyesses. -If this be nyot *sweats* that you wook *notices bulge* fow, I have mowe to say, -But bid B-Bianca faweweww fow *giggles shyly* evew and a day. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Heaw'st thou, *giggles shyly* Biondewwo? -BIONDEWWO. I cannyot tawwy. I knyew a wench mawwied in an aftewnyoon -as she went to the gawden fow pawswey to s-stuff a wabbit; and so -may y-you, siw; and so adieu, siw. My mastew hath appointed me to -go to Saint Wuke's to bid the pwiest be r-weady to come against you -come *pokes you* with youw appendix. -Exit -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I may and wiww, if she be so contented. -She wiww be pweas'd; then whewefowe shouwd I doubt? -Hap w-what hap may, I'ww woundwy go a-about hew; -It shaww go hawd if Cambio go without hew. Exit - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -A pubwic woad - -Entew PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, HOWTENSIO, and SEWVANTS - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Come on, a God's nyame; once mowe towawd o-ouw fathew's. -Good Wowd, how bwight and g-goodwy shinyes the moon! -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. The *sighs* moon? The sun! It is nyot *twerks* moonwight nyow. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I say *moans* it is the moon *sweats* that shinyes so bwight. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I knyow *moans* it is the *moans* sun *sweats* that shinyes so bwight. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. >_> Nyow ^w^ by my mothew's son, and that's *twerks* mysewf, -It shaww be m-moon, *blushes* ow staw, *blushes* ow w-what I l-wist, -Ow ewe I jouwnyey to youw fathew's house. -Go *teleports behind you* on and fetch o-ouw h-howses back again. -Evewmowe c-cwoss'd and cwoss'd; nyothing xDD but cwoss'd! -HOWTENSIO. Say as he says, *blushes* ow we shaww nyevew go. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Fowwawd, I pway, s-since we have come so faw, -And be *moans* it m-moon, *blushes* ow sun, *blushes* ow w-what you pwease; -And if you pwease to *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it a wush-candwe, -Hencefowth I vow *moans* it shaww be so fow me. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I say *moans* it is the moon. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. I knyow *moans* it is the moon. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyay, then you wie; *moans* it is the bwessed sun. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Then, OwO God be *leans over* bwess'd, *moans* it is the bwessed sun; -But *moans* sun *moans* it is nyot, when you say *moans* it is nyot; -And the moon *giggles shyly* changes even as youw mind. -What you wiww have *moans* it nyam'd, even *sweats* that *moans* it *screams* is, -And so *moans* it shaww be so fow Kathewinye. -HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, go t-thy ways, the fiewd is won. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *sighs* Weww, f-fowwawd, fowwawd! t-thus the boww shouwd ^-^ wun, -And nyot unwuckiwy against the bias. -But, soft! Company is coming hewe. - -Entew V-VINCENTIO - -[To VINCENTIO] G-Good-mowwow, g-gentwe mistwess; whewe away?- -Teww me, sweet Kate, and teww me twuwy too, -Hast thou *giggles shyly* behewd a fweshew gentwewoman? -*screams* Such waw of *looks away* white and wed within h-hew c-cheeks! -What s-staws do spangwe heaven *pokes you* with such beauty -As those xDD two eyes become *sweats* that heavenwy face? ->_< Faiw wovewy maid, once mowe good day to thee. -Sweet Kate, embwace h-hew fow h-hew beauty's sake. -HOWTENSIO. 'A wiww make the man *cries* mad, to make a woman of him. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Young budding viwgin, *looks at you* faiw and fwesh and sweet, -Whithew away, *blushes* ow whewe is t-thy abode? -Happy the pawents of so *looks at you* faiw a chiwd; -Happiew the man whom *blushes* favouwabwe s-staws -*cuddles you* Awwots thee fow his wovewy bed-fewwow. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, how nyow, Kate, I hope thou awt nyot mad! -This is a m-man, owd, UwU wwinkwed, f-faded, withewed, -And nyot a >_< maiden, as thou sayst he is. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Pawdon, owd fathew, my mistaking e-eyes, -*teleports behind you* That have been so bedazzwed *pokes you* with the *moans* sun -*teleports behind you* That evewything I wook *teleports behind you* on seemeth gween; ->_> Nyow I p-pewceive thou awt a wevewend fathew. -Pawdon, I pway ^w^ thee, fow my mad mistaking. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Do, good owd gwandsiwe, and *shuffles closer* withaw make *teleports behind you* knyown -Which way thou twavewwest- if awong *pokes you* with us, -We shaww be joyfuw of t-thy company. -V-VINCENTIO. >_< Faiw siw, and you my mewwy mistwess, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with youw stwange encountew much amaz'd me, -My nyame is c-caww'd Vincentio, my dwewwing Pisa, -And bound I am to Padua, thewe to visit -A son of minye, which wong I have nyot seen. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. What is his n-nyame? -V-VINCENTIO. Wucentio, g-gentwe siw. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Happiwy met; the happiew fow t-thy son. -And n-nyow ^w^ by waw, as weww as wevewend a-age, -I may entitwe thee my ^.^ woving fathew: -The sistew to my wife, this gentwewoman, -Thy son ^w^ by this hath mawwied. ;;w;; Wondew nyot, -N-Nyow be nyot *cuddles you* gwieved- she is of good uWu esteem, -Hew *blushes* dowwy weawthy, and of wowthy biwth; -B-Beside, so quawified as may beseem -The spouse of any nyobwe ;;w;; gentweman. -Wet me embwace *pokes you* with owd Vincentio; -And wandew we to see t-thy honyest son, -Who wiww of t-thy awwivaw be fuww joyous. -V-VINCENTIO. But is this *shuffles closer* twue; *blushes* ow is *moans* it e-ewse youw pweasuwe, -Wike pweasant twavewwews, to bweak a jest -^-^ Upon the company you o-ovewtake? -HOWTENSIO. I do ;;w;; assuwe ^w^ thee, fathew, so *moans* it is. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Come, go a-awong, and see the uWu twuth *giggles shyly* heweof; -F-Fow o-ouw f-fiwst mewwiment hath made thee jeawous. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but HOWTENSIO -HOWTENSIO. *sighs* Weww, Petwuchio, this has p-put me in heawt. -Have to my widow; and if she be fwowawd, -T-Then hast thou taught Howtensio to be untowawd. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Padua. B-Befowe WUCENTIO'S h-house - -Entew BIONDEWWO, WUCENTIO, and BIANCA; G-GWEMIO is out befowe - -BIONDEWWO. Softwy and s-swiftwy, siw, fow the pwiest is weady. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I fwy, Biondewwo; xDD but they may chance to nyeed the at -home, thewefowe weave us. -BIONDEWWO. Nyay, faith, I'ww see the c-chuwch a youw back, and then -come back to my m-mastew's as soon as I c-can. -UwU Exeunt WUCENTIO, *cries* BIANCA, and B-BIONDEWWO -GWEMIO. I mawvew Cambio c-comes nyot aww this whiwe. - -Entew PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, >_< VINCENTIO, G-GWUMIO, -and ATTENDANTS - -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Siw, hewe's the d-doow; this is *giggles shyly* Wucentio's house; -My fathew's beaws mowe towawd the mawket-pwace; -Thithew must I, and x3 hewe I weave y-you, siw. -V-VINCENTIO. Y-You shaww nyot c-choose xDD but ^-^ dwink befowe you go; -I think I shaww command youw wewcome hewe, -And ^w^ by aww wikewihood *blushes* some cheew is towawd. [Knyocks] -GWEMIO. uWu They'we busy within; you wewe best knyock woudew. -[PEDANT wooks out of the window] -PEDANT. What's he *sweats* that knyocks as he ^.^ wouwd beat down the uWu gate? -V-VINCENTIO. *looks at you* Is Signyiow Wucentio within, s-siw? -PEDANT. He's within, siw, xDD but nyot to be spoken withaw. -V-VINCENTIO. What if a man b-bwing him a hundwed pound *blushes* ow xDD two to make -mewwy withaw? -PEDANT. Keep youw hundwed *cuddles you* pounds to youwsewf; he shaww nyeed nyonye so -wong as I l-wive. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyay, I towd you youw son was weww bewoved in Padua. Do -you heaw, s-siw? To weave *shuffles closer* fwivowous ciwcumstances, I pway you teww -Signyiow Wucentio *sweats* that his fathew is come fwom Pisa, and is x3 hewe -at the doow to speak *pokes you* with him. -PEDANT. *moans* Thou wiest: his fathew is come fwom Padua, and x3 hewe wooking -out at the window. -V-VINCENTIO. Awt thou his fathew? -PEDANT. :33 Ay, siw; so his mothew says, if I may bewieve hew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. [To VINCENTIO] W-Why, how nyow, gentweman! -W-Why, this is fwat knyavewy to take upon you anyothew man's nyame. -PEDANT. L-Way h-hands *teleports behind you* on the viwwain; I bewieve *leans over* 'a means to cozen -somebody in this city undew my countenyance. - -We-entew B-BIONDEWWO - -BIONDEWWO. I have :33 seen them in the c-chuwch togethew. OwO God send 'em -good shipping! But w-who is hewe? M-Minye owd mastew, V-Vicentio! >_> Nyow we -awe undonye and >w< bwought to n-nyothing. -V-VINCENTIO. [Seeing BIONDEWWO] Come h-hithew, xDD cwack-hemp. -BIONDEWWO. I hope I may choose, siw. -V-VINCENTIO. Come h-hithew, you wogue. What, have you fowgot me? -BIONDEWWO. Fowgot y-you! N-Nyo, siw. I couwd nyot fowget y-you, fow I nyevew -*moans* saw you befowe in aww my wife. -V-VINCENTIO. What, you nyotowious viwwain, didst thou nyevew see t-thy -m-mastew's fathew, *shuffles closer* Vincentio? -BIONDEWWO. What, my owd wowshipfuw owd mastew? Yes, m-mawwy, siw; see -whewe he wooks out of the window. -V-VINCENTIO. Is't so, indeed? :3 [He beats BIONDEWWO] -BIONDEWWO. *leans over* Hewp, hewp, hewp! H-Hewe's a madman wiww muwdew me. -Exit -PEDANT. *leans over* Hewp, s-son! hewp, Signyiow Baptista! Exit fwom a-above -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Pwithee, Kate, wet's *looks at you* stand aside and see the end of this -contwovewsy. [They *looks at you* stand *sighs* aside] - -We-entew PEDANT bewow; BAPTISTA, TWANyIO, and SEWVANTS - -T-TWANyIO. Siw, w-what awe you *sweats* that *teleports behind you* offew to beat my sewvant? -V-VINCENTIO. What am I, s-siw? Nyay, w-what awe y-you, s-siw? O *moans* immowtaw gods! -O finye viwwain! A siwken doubwet, a vewvet h-hose, a scawwet c-cwoak, -and a copatain hat! O, I am undonye! I am undonye! Whiwe I pway the -good h-husband at home, my son and my sewvant spend aww at the -unyivewsity. -T-TWANyIO. H-How nyow! what's the m-mattew? -BAPTISTA. What, is the man uWu wunyatic? -T-TWANyIO. Siw, you seem a sobew *cries* ancient gentweman ^w^ by youw :3 habit, xDD but -youw wowds show you a *sighs* madman. W-Why, siw, w-what 'cewns *moans* it you if I -weaw peaww and gowd? I t-thank my good fathew, I am abwe to -m-maintain it. -V-VINCENTIO. Thy fathew! O viwwain! he is a s-saiwmakew in Bewgamo. -BAPTISTA. Y-You *leans over* mistake, siw; you *leans over* mistake, siw. Pway, w-what do you -think is his n-nyame? -V-VINCENTIO. His nyame! As if I knyew nyot his nyame! I have >w< bwought him -up *giggles shyly* evew s-since he was thwee y-yeaws owd, and his nyame is T-Twanyio. -PEDANT. ^w^ Away, away, mad a-ass! His nyame is Wucentio; and he is minye -onwy son, and heiw to the >_< wands of me, Signyiow Vicentio. -V-VINCENTIO. Wucentio! O, he hath muwd'wed his mastew! L-Way howd *teleports behind you* on -him, I chawge y-you, in the Duke's nyame. O, my son, my s-son! Teww -me, thou viwwain, whewe is my son, Wucentio? -T-TWANyIO. Caww f-fowth an officew. - -Entew onye *pokes you* with an OFFICEW - -Cawwy this mad knyave to the gaow. *notices bulge* Fathew Baptista, I chawge you -see *sweats* that he be fowthcoming. -V-VINCENTIO. Cawwy me to the gaow! -GWEMIO. Stay, Officew; he shaww nyot go to pwison. -BAPTISTA. Tawk nyot, Signyiow Gwemio; I say he shaww go to pwison. -GWEMIO. Take heed, Signyiow Baptista, west you be c-cony-catch'd in -this businyess; I dawe sweaw this is the wight V-Vincentio. -PEDANT. Sweaw if thou daw'st. -GWEMIO. Nyay, I dawe nyot sweaw it. -T-TWANyIO. T-Then thou wewt best say *sweats* that I am nyot Wucentio. -GWEMIO. Yes, I knyow thee to be Signyiow Wucentio. -BAPTISTA. Away *pokes you* with the ;;w;; dotawd; to the gaow *pokes you* with him! -V-VINCENTIO. Thus stwangews may be haw'd and a-abus'd. O monstwous -viwwain! - -We-entew BIONDEWWO, *pokes you* with WUCENTIO and B-BIANCA - -BIONDEWWO. O, we awe spoiw'd; and y-yondew he is! Deny him, fowsweaw -him, *blushes* ow e-ewse we awe aww UwU undonye. -UwU Exeunt BIONDEWWO, TWANyIO, and PEDANT, as *looks away* fast as may be -*leans over* WUCENTIO. [Knyeewing] Pawdon, sweet fathew. -V-VINCENTIO. L-Wives my sweet son? -BIANCA. Pawdon, deaw fathew. -BAPTISTA. H-How hast thou *cuddles you* offended? -Whewe is Wucentio? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. H-Hewe's Wucentio, -Wight son to the wight Vincentio, -*teleports behind you* That have ^w^ by mawwiage made t-thy daughtew minye, -Whiwe countewfeit supposes bweaw'd thinye *teleports behind you* eynye. -GWEMIO. H-Hewe's packing, *pokes you* with a witnyess, to d-deceive us a-aww! -V-VINCENTIO. Whewe is *sweats* that d-damnyed viwwain, Twanyio, -*teleports behind you* That fac'd and b-bwav'd me in this mattew *moans* so? -BAPTISTA. W-Why, teww me, is nyot this my Cambio? -BIANCA. Cambio is chang'd into Wucentio. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Wove wwought these m-miwacwes. Bianca's wove -Made me exchange my state *pokes you* with Twanyio, -Whiwe he did beaw my countenyance in the town; -And h-happiwy I have awwived at the wast -Unto the wished haven of my bwiss. -What Twanyio did, m-mysewf enfowc'd him uWu to; -T-Then pawdon him, sweet fathew, fow my sake. -V-VINCENTIO. I'ww swit the viwwain's nyose *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd have OwO sent me to -the gaow. -BAPTISTA. [To L-WUCENTIO] But do you heaw, s-siw? Have you mawwied my -daughtew without *sweats* asking my good wiww? -V-VINCENTIO. Feaw nyot, Baptista; we wiww content y-you, go uWu to; xDD but I -wiww in to be wevenged fow this viwwainy. Exit -BAPTISTA. And I to s-sound the depth of this knyavewy. Exit -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Wook nyot pawe, Bianca; t-thy fathew wiww nyot f-fwown. -UwU Exeunt WUCENTIO and B-BIANCA -GWEMIO. My c-cake is dough, xDD but I'ww in among the west; -Out of hope of aww xDD but my shawe of the feast. Exit -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Husband, wet's f-fowwow to see the end of this ado. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Fiwst kiss me, Kate, and we wiww. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. What, in the m-midst of the stweet? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. What, awt thou a-asham'd of me? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. N-Nyo, siw; OwO God fowbid; xDD but a-asham'd to kiss. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, then, wet's h-home again. Come, siwwah, wet's a-away. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Nyay, I wiww give thee a kiss; n-nyow pway ^w^ thee, wove, stay. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *looks at you* Is nyot this weww? Come, my sweet K-Kate: -Bettew once than nyevew, fow nyevew too wate. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -WUCENTIO'S h-house - -Entew BAPTISTA, >_< VINCENTIO, GWEMIO, the PEDANT, WUCENTIO, *cries* BIANCA, -PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, HOWTENSIO, and *shuffles closer* WIDOW. The SEWVINGMEN *pokes you* with TWANyIO, -BIONDEWWO, and G-GWUMIO, bwinging in a banquet - -*leans over* WUCENTIO. At wast, *sighs* though wong, o-ouw jawwing nyotes agwee; -And time *moans* it is when waging waw is donye -To smiwe at scapes and pewiws o-ovewbwown. -My *looks at you* faiw Bianca, bid my fathew wewcome, -Whiwe I *pokes you* with uWu sewf-same x3 kindnyess wewcome thinye. -Bwothew Petwuchio, sistew Kathewinya, -And thou, Howtensio, *pokes you* with t-thy ^.^ woving *moans* widow, -Feast *pokes you* with the best, and wewcome to my house. -My banquet is to cwose o-ouw stomachs up -Aftew o-ouw gweat good *leans over* cheew. *twerks* Pway y-you, sit down; -F-Fow n-nyow we sit to chat as weww as eat. [They sit] -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyothing xDD but sit and sit, and *cries* eat and eat! -BAPTISTA. Padua *screams* affowds this k-kindnyess, son Petwuchio. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Padua *screams* affowds nyothing xDD but w-what is kind. -HOWTENSIO. F-Fow b-both o-ouw ^w^ sakes I ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that wowd wewe twue. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyow, fow my l-wife, Howtensio feaws his widow. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. T-Then nyevew twust me if I be afeawd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. YOU awe vewy sensibwe, and yet you miss my *leans over* sense: -I *looks at you* mean Howtensio is afeawd of you. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. He *sweats* that is giddy thinks the wowwd tuwns wound. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Woundwy *twerks* wepwied. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Mistwess, how *looks at you* mean you that? -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Thus I conceive ^w^ by him. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Conceives ^w^ by me! H-How wikes Howtensio that? -HOWTENSIO. My widow says t-thus she conceives h-hew tawe. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Vewy weww *blushes* mended. Kiss him fow that, good widow. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. 'He *sweats* that is giddy thinks the wowwd tuwns wound.' -I pway you teww me w-what you *screams* meant ^w^ by that. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Youw husband, being twoubwed *pokes you* with a shwew, -Measuwes my husband's sowwow ^w^ by his woe; -And n-nyow you knyow my meanying. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. A vewy *looks at you* mean meanying. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. *looks at you* Wight, I *looks at you* mean you. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. And I am mean, indeed, wespecting you. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. To hew, Kate! -HOWTENSIO. To hew, widow! -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A hundwed mawks, my Kate does p-put h-hew :33 down. -HOWTENSIO. That's my office. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Spoke wike an officew- ha' to ^w^ thee, wad. -[-[Dwinks to HOWTENSIO] -BAPTISTA. H-How wikes Gwemio these quick-witted fowks? -GWEMIO. Bewieve me, siw, they b-butt togethew weww. -BIANCA. Head and butt! *looks at you* An hasty-witted body -Wouwd say youw *sweats* head and b-butt wewe *sweats* head and hown. -V-VINCENTIO. :33 Ay, *notices bulge* mistwess ^w^ bwide, hath *sweats* that ^-^ awakenyed you? -BIANCA. :33 Ay, xDD but nyot fwighted me; thewefowe I'ww sweep again. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyay, *sweats* that you shaww nyot; s-since you have begun, -Have at you fow a bittew jest *blushes* ow two. -BIANCA. Am I youw biwd? I *looks at you* mean to UwU shift my *teleports behind you* bush, -And then puwsue me as you dwaw youw ;;w;; bow. -Y-You awe wewcome aww. -UwU Exeunt *cries* BIANCA, KATHEWINyA, and WIDOW -*screams* PETWUCHIO. She hath pwevented me. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Signyiow Twanyio, -This biwd you a-aim'd at, *sighs* though you hit h-hew nyot; -Thewefowe a heawth to aww *sweats* that *sweats* shot and miss'd. -T-TWANyIO. O, siw, Wucentio s-swipp'd me wike his gweyhound, -Which wuns ^.^ himsewf, and catches fow his :33 mastew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A good swift simiwe, xDD but s-something cuwwish. -T-TWANyIO. 'Tis weww, siw, *sweats* that you *sweats* hunted fow youwsewf; -'Tis thought youw deew does howd you at a bay. -BAPTISTA. O, O, Petwuchio! Twanyio hits you nyow. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I t-thank thee fow *sweats* that giwd, good T-Twanyio. -HOWTENSIO. Confess, ^w^ confess; hath he nyot hit you hewe? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. 'A has a wittwe gaww'd me, I ^w^ confess; -And, as the jest did ^w^ gwance away fwom me, -'Tis ten to onye *moans* it maim'd you xDD two outwight. -BAPTISTA. Nyow, in good sadnyess, son Petwuchio, -I think thou hast the vewiest s-shwew of aww. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. *sighs* Weww, I say nyo; and thewefowe, fow assuwance, -Wet's each onye send unto his wife, -And he :33 whose wife is most *moans* obedient, -To come at f-fiwst when he doth send fow hew, -Shaww win the wagew which we wiww pwopose. -HOWTENSIO. Content. What's the *pokes you* wagew? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Twenty cwowns. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Twenty cwowns? -I'ww ventuwe so much of my *cuddles you* hawk *blushes* ow hound, -But twenty times so much upon my wife. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. A hundwed UwU then. -HOWTENSIO. Content. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. A match! 'tis donye. -HOWTENSIO. Who shaww begin? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. *teleports behind you* That wiww I. -Go, *sighs* Biondewwo, bid youw *notices bulge* mistwess come to me. -BIONDEWWO. I go. Exit -BAPTISTA. Son, I'ww be youw h-hawf B-Bianca c-comes. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I'ww have nyo hawves; I'ww beaw *moans* it aww mysewf. - -We-entew B-BIONDEWWO - -H-How nyow! w-what nyews? -BIONDEWWO. Siw, my *notices bulge* mistwess *shuffles closer* sends you wowd -*teleports behind you* That she is busy and she cannyot come. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. H-How! S-She's busy, and she cannyot come! -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that an answew? -GWEMIO. :33 Ay, and a k-kind onye too. -*twerks* Pway >_< God, siw, youw wife send you nyot a wowse. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I hope bettew. -HOWTENSIO. *leans over* Siwwah *sighs* Biondewwo, go and entweat my wife -To come to me fowthwith. Exit B-BIONDEWWO -*screams* PETWUCHIO. O, ho! entweat *blushes* hew! -Nyay, then she must ;;w;; nyeeds come. -HOWTENSIO. I am afwaid, siw, -Do w-what you can, youws wiww nyot be entweated. - -We-entew B-BIONDEWWO - -Nyow, whewe's my wife? -BIONDEWWO. She says you have *blushes* some g-goodwy jest in hand: -She wiww nyot come; she b-bids you come to hew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Wowse and w-wowse; she wiww nyot come! O v-viwe, -Intowewabwe, nyot to be enduw'd! -*leans over* Siwwah Gwumio, go to youw mistwess; -Say I command h-hew come to me. Exit GWUMIO -HOWTENSIO. I knyow h-hew answew. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-What? -HOWTENSIO. She wiww nyot. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. The f-fouwew fowtunye minye, and thewe an end. - -We-entew KATHEWINyA - -BAPTISTA. Nyow, ^w^ by my howidame, x3 hewe c-comes Kathewinya! -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. What is youw siw, *sweats* that you send fow me? -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Whewe is youw sistew, and Howtensio's wife? -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. They sit confewwing ^w^ by the *pokes you* pawwouw fiwe. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Go, fetch them hithew; if they deny to come. -Swinge me them soundwy f-fowth unto t-theiw h-husbands. -^w^ Away, I say, and b-bwing them hithew stwaight. -Exit KATHEWINyA -*leans over* WUCENTIO. Hewe is a wondew, if you tawk of a wondew. -HOWTENSIO. And so *moans* it is. I wondew w-what *moans* it bodes. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, peace *moans* it xDD bodes, and wove, and quiet l-wife, -*looks at you* An awfuw wuwe, and wight supwemacy; -And, to be showt, w-what nyot that's sweet and happy. -BAPTISTA. >_> Nyow *looks at you* faiw befaww ^w^ thee, good Petwuchio! -The wagew thou hast w-won; and I wiww ^w^ ad -Unto t-theiw wosses twenty thousand cwowns; -Anyothew *blushes* dowwy to anyothew daughtew, -F-Fow she is chang'd, as she h-had nyevew been. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Nyay, I wiww win my wagew bettew yet, -And show mowe sign of h-hew *twerks* obedience, -Hew nyew-buiwt *hugs tightly* viwtue and obedience. - -We-entew KATHEWINyA *pokes you* with B-BIANCA and WIDOW - -See whewe she c-comes, and bwings youw ^.^ fwowawd wives -As >w< pwisonyews to h-hew w-womanwy pewsuasion. -^.^ Kathewinye, *sweats* that cap of youws becomes you nyot: -Off *pokes you* with *sweats* that ^.^ baubwe, thwow *moans* it xDD undewfoot. -[KATHEWINyA c-compwies] -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Wowd, wet me nyevew have a c-cause to *pokes you* sigh -Tiww I be >w< bwought to such a uWu siwwy *cries* pass! -BIANCA. OwO Fie! w-what a foowish duty *giggles shyly* caww you *sweats* this? -*leans over* WUCENTIO. I ^.^ wouwd youw duty wewe as foowish too; -The wisdom of youw duty, *looks at you* faiw Bianca, -Hath cost me a hundwed cwowns s-since suppew-time! -BIANCA. The mowe foow you fow waying *teleports behind you* on my d-duty. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. ^.^ Kathewinye, I chawge ^w^ thee, teww these h-headstwong women -What duty they do owe t-theiw l-wowds and h-husbands. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. Come, come, y-you'we mocking; we wiww have nyo tewwing. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Come on, I *notices bulge* say; and f-fiwst begin *pokes you* with hew. -*shuffles closer* WIDOW. She shaww nyot. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. I say she shaww. And f-fiwst begin *pokes you* with hew. -*hugs tightly* KATHEWINyA. Fie, fie! unknyit *sweats* that t-thweatenying u-unkind bwow, -And dawt nyot scownfuw *moans* gwances fwom those eyes -To ^.^ wound t-thy wowd, t-thy king, t-thy g-govewnyow. -It bwots t-thy beauty as fwosts do *sighs* bite the meads, -Confounds t-thy fame as whiwwwinds s-shake *looks at you* faiw buds, -And in nyo sense is meet *blushes* ow amiabwe. -A woman mov'd is wike a fountain twoubwed- -Muddy, iww-seeming, thick, b-beweft of beauty; -And whiwe *moans* it is so, nyonye so dwy *blushes* ow thiwsty -Wiww deign to >_> sip *blushes* ow touch onye dwop of it. -Thy h-husband is t-thy wowd, t-thy l-wife, t-thy keepew, -Thy head, t-thy soveweign; onye *sweats* that c-cawes fow ^w^ thee, -And fow t-thy OwO maintenyance commits his body -To painfuw wabouw b-both ^w^ by *notices bulge* sea and l-wand, -To watch the nyight in UwU stowms, the day in cowd, -Whiwst thou wiest wawm at home, secuwe and safe; -And cwaves nyo othew twibute at t-thy h-hands -But wove, *looks at you* faiw >_> wooks, and twue obedience- -Too wittwe payment fow so gweat a debt. -*screams* Such duty as the subject owes the pwince, -Even such a woman oweth to h-hew husband; -And when she is fwowawd, peevish, suwwen, souw, -And nyot o-obedient to his honyest wiww, -What is she xDD but a f-fouw contending webew -And gwacewess twaitow to h-hew ^.^ woving wowd? -I am a-asham'd *sweats* that women awe so simpwe -To *teleports behind you* offew waw whewe they shouwd knyeew fow *screams* peace; -Ow seek fow wuwe, supwemacy, and OwO sway, -When they awe bound to sewve, wove, and obey. -Why awe o-ouw bodies soft and weak and smooth, -Unyapt to toww and t-twoubwe in the wowwd, -But *sweats* that o-ouw soft conditions and o-ouw heawts -Shouwd weww agwee *pokes you* with o-ouw extewnyaw pawts? -Come, come, you ^.^ fwowawd and *cuddles you* unyabwe *giggles shyly* wowins! -My mind hath been as big as onye of youws, -My heawt as gweat, my weason hapwy mowe, -To :33 bandy wowd fow wowd and f-fwown fow fwown; -But n-nyow I see o-ouw wances awe xDD but stwaws, -Ouw stwength as weak, o-ouw weaknyess past xDD compawe, -*teleports behind you* That seeming to be most which we indeed *notices bulge* weast awe. -T-Then xDD vaiw youw stomachs, fow *moans* it is nyo ;;w;; boot, -And pwace youw h-hands bewow youw husband's f-foot; -In token of which duty, if he pwease, -My h-hand is r-weady, may *moans* it do him *leans over* ease. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. W-Why, thewe's a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. *sighs* Weww, go t-thy ways, owd wad, fow thou shawt *sighs* ha't. -V-VINCENTIO. 'Tis a good heawing when chiwdwen awe towawd. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. But a h-hawsh heawing when women awe f-fwowawd. -*screams* PETWUCHIO. Come, Kate, we'ww to *twerks* bed. -We thwee awe m-mawwied, xDD but you xDD two awe sped. -[To L-WUCENTIO] 'Twas I won the wagew, *sighs* though you hit the *notices bulge* white; -And being a winnyew, OwO God give you good nyight! -UwU Exeunt PETWUCHIO and KATHEWINyA -HOWTENSIO. >_> Nyow go t-thy ways; thou hast tam'd a c-cuwst ^-^ shwow. -*leans over* WUCENTIO. 'Tis a wondew, ^w^ by youw weave, she wiww be tam'd so. -UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1612 - -THE TEMPEST - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -*blushes* AWONSO, King of uWu Nyapwes -SEBASTIAN, his b-bwothew -xDD PWOSPEWO, the wight D-Duke of Miwan -*giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, his bwothew, the usuwping D-Duke of Miwan -FEWDINyAND, son to the King of uWu Nyapwes -GONZAWO, an honyest owd counsewwow - -Wowds -*hugs tightly* ADWIAN -FWANCISCO -C-CAWIBAN, a savage and defowmed swave -TWINCUWO, a jestew -STEPHANyO, a dwunken butwew -MASTEW OF A SHIP -BOATSWAIN -MAWINyEWS - -MIWANDA, daughtew to Pwospewo - -AWIEW, an aiwy spiwit - -Spiwits -IWIS -CEWES -JUNyO -NYMPHS -WEAPEWS -Othew Spiwits attending *teleports behind you* on Pwospewo - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -A ship at sea; aftewwawds an unyinhabited iswand - - - -THE TEMPEST -ACT I. SCENyE 1 - -On a ship at sea; a t-tempestuous nyoise of thundew and wightnying h-heawd - -Entew a SHIPMASTEW and a BOATSWAIN - -MASTEW. Boatswain! -BOATSWAIN. *shuffles closer* Hewe, mastew; w-what cheew? -MASTEW. Good! Speak to th' mawinyews; faww to't yawewy, *blushes* ow -we wun ouwsewves agwound; b-bestiw, bestiw. Exit - -Entew MAWINyEWS - -BOATSWAIN. Heigh, my heawts! cheewwy, cheewwy, my heawts! -yawe, yawe! Take in the topsaiw. Tend to th' m-mastew's -whistwe. Bwow tiww thou buwst t-thy wind, if woom enyough. - -Entew *blushes* AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, FEWDINyAND -GONZAWO, and OTHEWS - -AWONSO. Good boatswain, have cawe. Whewe's the mastew? -Pway the men. -BOATSWAIN. I pway nyow, keep bewow. -ANTONyIO. Whewe is the mastew, boson? -BOATSWAIN. Do you nyot heaw him? Y-You maw o-ouw wabouw; -keep youw *moans* cabins; you do assist the s-stowm. -G-GONZAWO. Nyay, ^-^ good, be *looks away* patient. -BOATSWAIN. When the *notices bulge* sea is. Hence! What c-cawes these -woawews fow the nyame of king? To cabin! siwence! Twoubwe -us nyot. -G-GONZAWO. Good, yet wemembew whom thou hast aboawd. -BOATSWAIN. *cuddles you* Nyonye *sweats* that I mowe wove than mysewf. Y-You awe -counsewwow; if you can command these *sighs* ewements to -s-siwence, and wowk the peace of the pwesent, we wiww nyot -h-hand a *sighs* wope mowe. U-Use youw authowity; if you cannyot, give -thanks you have wiv'd so wong, and make youwsewf r-weady -in youw cabin fow the mischance of the houw, if *moans* it so -hap.-Cheewwy, good ^w^ heawts!-Out of o-ouw way, I say. -Exit -G-GONZAWO. I have gweat comfowt fwom this fewwow. Methinks -he hath nyo dwownying mawk upon :3 him; his compwexion is -pewfect gawwows. Stand fast, good Fate, to his hanging; -make the *sighs* wope of his *looks away* destiny o-ouw cabwe, fow o-ouw own doth -wittwe advantage. If he be nyot bown to be hang'd, o-ouw -*screams* case is misewabwe. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew BOATSWAIN - -BOATSWAIN. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with the topmast. Yawe, wowew, wowew! -Bwing h-hew to t-twy wi' th' maincouwse. [A cwy within] A -pwague upon this howwing! They awe woudew than the ->w< weathew *blushes* ow o-ouw office. - -We-entew SEBASTIAN, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, and GONZAWO - -Y-Yet again! What do you hewe? Shaww we give o'ew, and -d-dwown? Have you a mind to sink? -S-SEBASTIAN. A p-pox o' youw thwoat, you bawwing, bwasphemous, -inchawitabwe dog! -BOATSWAIN. Wowk y-you, UwU then. -ANTONyIO. Hang, cuw; hang, you whoweson, insowent nyoisemakew; -we awe wess afwaid to be *notices bulge* dwown'd than thou awt. -G-GONZAWO. I'ww wawwant him fow dwownying, *sighs* though the ship wewe -nyo stwongew than a nyutsheww, and as weaky as an x3 unstanched -*twerks* wench. -BOATSWAIN. L-Way h-hew *shuffles closer* a-howd, a-howd; set h-hew xDD two couwses; off -to *notices bulge* sea again; *looks at you* way h-hew off. - -Entew MAWINyEWS, Wet -M-MAWINyEWS. Aww wost! to pwayews, to pwayews! aww wost! -UwU Exeunt -BOATSWAIN. What, must o-ouw *hugs tightly* mouths be cowd? -G-GONZAWO. The King and Pwince at pwayews! -Wet's assist them, -F-Fow o-ouw *screams* case is as theiws. -S-SEBASTIAN. I am out of *notices bulge* patience. -ANTONyIO. We awe *looks at you* mewewy cheated of o-ouw wives ^w^ by dwunkawds. -This wide-chopp'd wascaw-wouwd thou mightst wie dwownying -The washing of ten tides! -G-GONZAWO. He'ww be hang'd yet, -Though evewy dwop of watew sweaw against it, -And gape at wid'st to gwut him. -[A confused nyoise *looks at you* within: Mewcy *teleports behind you* on us! -We spwit, we spwit! Faweweww, my wife and chiwdwen! -Faweweww, bwothew! We spwit, we spwit, we spwit!] -ANTONyIO. Wet's aww sink wi' th' King. -S-SEBASTIAN. Wet's take weave of him. -UwU Exeunt ANTONyIO and *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN -G-GONZAWO. >_> Nyow ^.^ wouwd I give a thousand fuwwongs of *notices bulge* sea fow -an acwe of bawwen :3 gwound-wong heath, bwown f-fuwze, any -thing. The w-wiwws a-above be donye, xDD but I ^.^ wouwd fain die -dwy death. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2 - -The Iswand. B-Befowe PWOSPEWO'S ceww - -Entew P-PWOSPEWO and *blushes* MIWANDA - -MIWANDA. If ^w^ by youw awt, my deawest fathew, you have -*looks at you* Put the w-wiwd watews in this woaw, awway them. -The sky, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, ^.^ wouwd *blushes* pouw down stinking p-pitch, -But *sweats* that the sea, mounting to th' wewkin's cheek, -Dashes the fiwe ^w^ out. O, I have suffewed -With those *sweats* that I *moans* saw >_< suffew! A bwave vessew, -Who h-had nyo d-doubt *blushes* some nyobwe cweatuwe in hew, -Dash'd aww to pieces! O, the cwy did knyock -Against my vewy heawt! Poow souws, they ^-^ pewish'd. -Had I been any *cries* god of powew, I ^.^ wouwd -Have sunk the *notices bulge* sea within the eawth *blushes* ow ewe -It shouwd the good ship so have swawwow'd and -The fwaughting s-souws within hew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Be conyected; -Nyo mowe amazement; teww youw p-piteous heawt ->_> Thewe's nyo hawm donye. -MIWANDA. O, woe the day! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Nyo OwO hawm. -I have donye nyothing xDD but in OwO cawe of ^w^ thee, -Of ^w^ thee, my deaw ^.^ onye, ^w^ thee, my daughtew, w-who -Awt ignyowant of w-what thou awt, nyought *looks at you* knyowing -Of whence I am, n-nyow *sweats* that I am mowe bettew -*notices bulge* Than Pwospewo, mastew of a fuww poow ceww, -And t-thy nyo gweatew fathew. -MIWANDA. Mowe to knyow -*sweats* Did nyevew meddwe *pokes you* with my thoughts. -:33 PWOSPEWO. 'Tis time -I shouwd *cries* infowm thee fawthew. Wend t-thy hand, -And pwuck my magic gawment fwom me. >_> So, -[-[Ways down his mantwe] -Wie thewe my awt. xDD Wipe thou thinye eyes; have comfowt. -The d-diwefuw spectacwe of the wweck, which t-touch'd -The vewy *hugs tightly* viwtue of compassion in ^w^ thee, -I have *pokes you* with such *looks away* pwovision in minye awt -So safewy owdewed *sweats* that thewe is nyo souw- -N-Nyo, nyot so much pewdition as an haiw -Betid to any cweatuwe in the vessew -Which thou ^-^ heawd'st cwy, which thou saw'st sink. -Sit *giggles shyly* down, fow thou must n-nyow knyow fawthew. -MIWANDA. Y-You have *looks away* often -Begun to teww me w-what I a-am; xDD but stopp'd, -And >w< weft me to a bootwess inquisition, -C-Concwuding 'Stay; nyot yet.' -:33 PWOSPEWO. The houw's n-nyow come; -The vewy minyute b-bids thee ope thinye eaw. -Obey, and be >w< attentive. C-Canst thou wemembew -A time befowe we came unto this ceww? -I do nyot think thou canst; fow then thou wast nyot -Out thwee y-yeaws owd. -MIWANDA. *cuddles you* Cewtainwy, siw, I c-can. -:33 PWOSPEWO. By *cuddles you* what? By any othew *notices bulge* house, *blushes* ow pewson? -Of any thing the image, teww me, *sweats* that -Hath kept *pokes you* with t-thy wemembwance? -MIWANDA. 'Tis faw off, -And wathew wike a d-dweam than an *sweats* assuwance -*teleports behind you* That my wemembwance wawwants. Had I nyot -*giggles shyly* Fouw, *blushes* ow f-five, women o-once, *sweats* that tended me? -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou hadst, and mowe, Miwanda. But how is *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That this wives in t-thy mind? What seest thou e-ewse -In the dawk backwawd and abysm of ;;w;; time? -If thou r-wememb'west aught, ewe thou OwO cam'st hewe, -H-How thou OwO cam'st x3 hewe thou mayst. -MIWANDA. But *sweats* that I do nyot. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Twewve *leans over* yeaw since, M-Miwanda, t-twewve *leans over* yeaw since, -Thy fathew was the D-Duke of Miwan, and -A pwince of *cuddles you* powew. -MIWANDA. Siw, awe nyot you my fathew? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Thy mothew was a piece of viwtue, and -She s-said thou wast my daughtew; and t-thy fathew -*hugs tightly* Was D-Duke of Miwan, and his onwy heiw -And pwincess nyo wowse issued. -MIWANDA. O, the heavens! -What f-fouw pway h-had we *sweats* that we came fwom *sighs* thence? -Ow bwessed was't we did? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Both, both, my giww. -By f-fouw pway, as thou s-say'st, wewe we heav'd thence; -But bwessedwy howp *looks at you* hithew. -MIWANDA. O, my heawt bweeds -To think o' th' teen *sweats* that I have tuwn'd you to, -Which is fwom my r-wemembwance. Pwease y-you, fawthew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. My b-bwothew and t-thy uncwe, c-caww'd Antonyio- -I pway ^w^ thee, mawk me *sweats* that a b-bwothew shouwd -Be so pewfidious. He, whom nyext thysewf -Of aww the wowwd I wov'd, and to him p-put -The manyage of my state; as at *sweats* that time -Thwough aww the signyowies *moans* it was the fiwst, -And Pwospewo the *shuffles closer* pwime d-duke, being so r-weputed -In dignyity, and fow the wibewaw awts -Without a pawawwew, those being aww my study- -The govewnment I OwO cast upon my b-bwothew -And to my state gwew s-stwangew, being twanspowted -And *giggles shyly* wapt in secwet studies. Thy f-fawse u-uncwe- -Dost thou a-attend me? -MIWANDA. Siw, most h-heedfuwwy. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Being once pewfected how to gwant *giggles shyly* suits, -H-How to deny them, w-who t' a-advance, and w-who -To twash fow ovew-topping, nyew cweated -The cweatuwes *sweats* that wewe minye, I say, *blushes* ow chang'd 'em, -Ow e-ewse nyew *screams* fowm'd '-'em; having b-both the key -Of *sighs* officew and office, set aww heawts i-i' th' state -To w-what tunye pweas'd his eaw; *sweats* that n-nyow he was -The *looks away* ivy which h-had hid my pwincewy twunk -And suck'd my vewduwe out on't. *moans* Thou :33 attend'st nyot. -MIWANDA. O, good siw, I do! -:33 PWOSPEWO. I pway ^w^ thee, mawk me. -I t-thus nyegwecting wowwdwy ends, aww dedicated -To cwosenyess and the bettewing of my mind -With *sweats* that which, xDD but ^w^ by being so r-wetiw'd, -O'ew-pwiz'd aww *twerks* popuwaw wate, in my f-fawse b-bwothew -Awak'd an eviw nyatuwe; and my twust, -Wike a good pawent, did beget of him -A *cries* fawsehood, in its contwawy as gweat -As my twust was; which h-had indeed nyo wimit, -A confidence sans bound. He being t-thus ^.^ wowded, -Nyot onwy *pokes you* with w-what my r-wevenyue yiewded, -But w-what my *cries* powew might e-ewse exact, wike onye -Who having into twuth, ^w^ by tewwing of it, -Made such a sinnyew of his memowy, -To *screams* cwedit his own wie-he did bewieve -He was indeed the *pokes you* Duke; out o' th' substitution, -And *cries* executing th' *cuddles you* outwawd *cuddles you* face of woyawty -With aww p-pwewogative. Hence his *giggles shyly* ambition g-gwowing- -Dost thou heaw? -MIWANDA. Youw tawe, siw, ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* cuwe deafnyess. -:33 PWOSPEWO. To have nyo *moans* scween between this *cries* pawt he pway'd -And him he pway'd *moans* it *notices bulge* fow, he ;;w;; nyeeds wiww be -Absowute Miwan. M-Me, poow man-my wibwawy -*hugs tightly* Was d-dukedom l-wawge enyough-of tempowaw *sweats* woyawties -He thinks me n-nyow incapabwe; confedewates, -So dwy he was fow OwO sway, wi' th' King of Nyapwes, -To give him annyuaw x3 twibute, do him homage, -S-Subject his *cries* cowonyet to his cwown, and *looks away* bend -The dukedom, yet unbow'd-awas, poow *moans* Miwan!- -To most ignyobwe stooping. -MIWANDA. O the heavens! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Mawk his condition, and th' event, then teww me -If this might be a bwothew. -MIWANDA. I shouwd sin -To think xDD but nyobwy of my g-gwandmothew: -Good wombs have bownye UwU bad sons. -:33 PWOSPEWO. >_> Nyow the c-condition: -This King of Nyapwes, being an enyemy -To me i-invetewate, heawkens my bwothew's suit; -Which was, *sweats* that he, in wieu o' th' pwemises, -Of homage, and I knyow nyot how much x3 twibute, -Shouwd p-pwesentwy OwO extiwpate me and minye -Out of the dukedom, and confew *looks at you* faiw Miwan -With aww the honyouws *teleports behind you* on my bwothew. Wheweon, -A *leans over* tweachewous awmy wevied, onye midnyight -Fated to th' puwpose, did Antonyio open -The gates of Miwan; and, i-i' th' dead of dawknyess, -The minyistews fow th' puwpose huwwied thence -Me and t-thy cwying sewf. -MIWANDA. Awack, fow >w< pity! -I, nyot wememb'wing how I cwied out then, -Wiww cwy *moans* it o'ew again; *moans* it is a hint -*teleports behind you* That wwings minye eyes to't. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Heaw a wittwe fuwthew, -And then I'ww b-bwing thee to the ^.^ pwesent b-businyes -Which n-nyow's upon 's; without the which this *leans over* stowy -Wewe most impewtinyent. -MIWANDA. Whewefowe did they nyot -*teleports behind you* That houw d-destwoy us? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Weww demanded, wench! -My tawe pwovokes *sweats* that q-question. Deaw, they d-duwst nyot, -So deaw the wove my peopwe xDD bowe me; n-nyow set -A mawk so bwoody *teleports behind you* on the businyess; xDD but -With cowouws faiwew ;;w;; painted t-theiw f-fouw ends. -In few, they huwwied us aboawd a >w< bawk; -Bowe us *blushes* some weagues to sea, whewe they pwepawed -A wotten cawcass of a >_> butt, nyot wigg'd, -N-Nyow tackwe, s-saiw, n-nyow mast; the vewy r-wats -Instinctivewy have *teleports behind you* quit it. *cries* Thewe they hoist us, -To cwy to th' sea, *sweats* that woaw'd to us; to *pokes you* sigh -To th' :33 winds, :33 whose pity, sighing back again, -*sweats* Did us xDD but ^.^ woving wwong. -MIWANDA. Awack, w-what t-twoubwe -*hugs tightly* Was I then to y-you! -:33 PWOSPEWO. O, a chewubin -*moans* Thou wast *sweats* that did pwesewve me! *moans* Thou didst *hugs tightly* smiwe, -*teleports behind you* Infused *pokes you* with a fowtitude fwom heaven, -When I have deck'd the *notices bulge* sea *pokes you* with *sighs* dwops fuww sawt, -Undew my b-buwden gwoan'd; which wais'd in me -*looks at you* An u-undewgoing stomach, to beaw up -Against w-what shouwd e-ensue. -MIWANDA. H-How came we a-ashowe? -:33 PWOSPEWO. By Pwovidence divinye. -Some f-food we h-had and *blushes* some fwesh watew *sweats* that -A nyobwe Nyeapowitan, :3 Gonzawo, -Out of his chawity, w-who being then appointed -Mastew of this design, did give us, *pokes you* with -Wich gawments, winyens, stuffs, and nyecessawies, -Which s-since have s-steaded *moans* much; so, of his gentwenyess, -Knyowing I *notices bulge* wov'd my b-books, he fuwnyish'd me -Fwom minye own wibwawy *pokes you* with vowumes *sweats* that -I pwize a-above my dukedom. -MIWANDA. Wouwd I might -But *giggles shyly* evew see *sweats* that man! -:33 PWOSPEWO. >_> Nyow I awise. *leans over* [Puts *teleports behind you* on his mantwe] -Sit stiww, and heaw the wast of o-ouw sea-sowwow. -Hewe in this iswand we awwiv'd; and x3 hewe -Have I, t-thy schoowmastew, made thee mowe pwofit -*notices bulge* Than othew *cuddles you* pwincess' can, *sweats* that have mowe time -F-Fow vainyew houws, and t-tutows nyot so cawefuw. -MIWANDA. H-Heavens t-thank you fow't! And nyow, I pway y-you, -siw, -F-Fow stiww 'tis beating in my *leans over* mind, youw weason -F-Fow waising this sea-stowm? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Knyow t-thus faw fowth: -By accident most *sweats* stwange, bountifuw Fowtunye, ->_> Nyow my deaw wady, hath minye enyemies -B-Bwought to this s-showe; and ^w^ by my pwescience -I find my zenyith doth depend upon -A most *notices bulge* auspicious staw, :33 whose infwuence -If n-nyow I couwt nyot, xDD but omit, my *sighs* fowtunyes -Wiww *giggles shyly* evew aftew dwoop. Hewe c-cease mowe questions; -*moans* Thou awt i-incwin'd to sweep; 'tis a good duwwnyess, -And give *moans* it way. I knyow thou ;;w;; canst nyot choose. -[MIWANDA sweeps] -Come away, x3 sewvant; come; I am r-weady nyow. -A-Appwoach, my Awiew. Come. - -Entew AWIEW - -AWIEW. Aww haiw, gweat mastew! gwave siw, *notices bulge* haiw! I come -To *sighs* answew t-thy best pweasuwe; be't to fwy, -To swim, to d-dive into the fiwe, to wide -On the cuww'd cwouds. To t-thy stwong bidding task -Awiew and aww his quawity. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Hast thou, spiwit, -Pewfowm'd to point the *cries* tempest *sweats* that I bade *moans* thee? -AWIEW. To evewy a-awticwe. -I boawded the K-King's ship; n-nyow *teleports behind you* on the beak, ->_> Nyow in the >_> waist, the deck, in evewy *twerks* cabin, -I fwam'd *teleports behind you* amazement. Sometime I'd d-divide, -And buwn in many ^w^ pwaces; *teleports behind you* on the topmast, -The yawds, and b-bowspwit, ^.^ wouwd I *pokes you* fwame *cries* distinctwy, -T-Then meet and join Jove's wightnying, the pwecuwsows -*shuffles closer* O' th' dweadfuw thundew-cwaps, mowe momentawy -And sight-outwunnying wewe nyot; the fiwe and cwacks -Of suwphuwous r-woawing the most mighty Nyeptunye -Seem to besiege, and make his bowd waves twembwe, -Yea, his xDD dwead *cuddles you* twident shake. -:33 PWOSPEWO. My bwave spiwit! -Who was so fiwm, so constant, *sweats* that this c-coiw -Wouwd nyot infect his weason? -AWIEW. Nyot a souw -But fewt a fevew of the *cries* mad, and pway'd -Some twicks of despewation. Aww xDD but mawinyews -Pwung'd in the foaming *sighs* bwinye, and *teleports behind you* quit the vessew, -T-Then aww a-afiwe *pokes you* with me; the K-King's son, Fewdinyand, -With haiw up-stawing-then wike weeds, nyot haiw- -*hugs tightly* Was the f-fiwst man *sweats* that weapt; cwied 'Heww is e-empty, -And aww the *cuddles you* deviws awe hewe.' -:33 PWOSPEWO. W-Why, that's my spiwit! -But was nyot this n-nyigh :33 showe? -AWIEW. Cwose by, my :33 mastew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. But awe they, Awiew, safe? -AWIEW. Nyot a haiw pewish'd; -On t-theiw sustainying gawments nyot a bwemish, -But fweshew than befowe; and, as thou bad'st me, -In *teleports behind you* twoops I have uWu dispews'd them 'bout the iswe. -The K-King's son have I l-wanded ^w^ by ^.^ himsewf, -Whom I >w< weft coowing of the a-aiw *pokes you* with sighs -In an odd angwe of the i-iswe, and sitting, -His awms in this sad k-knyot. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Of the K-King's ship, -The mawinyews, say how thou hast dispos'd, -And aww the west o' th' fweet? -AWIEW. Safewy in *sweats* hawbouw -*looks at you* Is the K-King's ship; in the deep :3 nyook, whewe once -*moans* Thou caww'dst me up at midnyight to fetch dew -Fwom the stiww-vex'd Bewmoothes, thewe she's h-hid; -The mawinyews aww undew *looks away* hatches stowed, -*leans over* Who, *pokes you* with a chawm join'd to t-theiw suff'wed wabouw, -I have >w< weft asweep; and fow the west o' th' fweet, -Which I dispews'd, they aww have m-met again, -And awe upon the Meditewwanyean fwote -Bound *shuffles closer* sadwy h-home fow Nyapwes, -Supposing *sweats* that they *moans* saw the K-King's ship >_< wweck'd, -And his gweat pewson pewish. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Awiew, t-thy chawge -*blushes* Exactwy is pewfowm'd; xDD but thewe's mowe w-wowk. -What is the time o' th' day? -AWIEW. Past the mid season. -:33 PWOSPEWO. At *notices bulge* weast xDD two g-gwasses. The time 'twixt ^-^ six and n-nyow -M-Must ^w^ by us b-both be spent most pweciouswy. -AWIEW. *looks at you* Is thewe mowe t-toiw? Since thou dost give me pains, -Wet me wemembew thee w-what thou hast pwomis'd, -Which is nyot yet pewfowm'd me. -:33 PWOSPEWO. H-How nyow, m-moody? -What is't thou ;;w;; canst demand? -AWIEW. My wibewty. -:33 PWOSPEWO. B-Befowe the time be out? Nyo mowe! -AWIEW. I pwithee, -Wemembew I have donye thee wowthy sewvice, -Towd thee nyo wies, made thee nyo mistakings, sewv'd -Without *blushes* ow gwudge *blushes* ow gwumbwings. *moans* Thou didst pwomise -To bate me a fuww yeaw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Dost thou fowget -Fwom w-what a t-towment I did fwee *moans* thee? -AWIEW. Nyo. -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou dost; and think'st *moans* it much to twead the *sighs* ooze -Of the uWu sawt deep, -To wun upon the shawp *cuddles you* wind of the >w< nyowth, -To do me businyess in the *shuffles closer* veins o' th' eawth -When *moans* it is bak'd *pokes you* with fwost. -AWIEW. I do nyot, siw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou wiest, mawignyant thing. Hast thou fowgot -The f-fouw *pokes you* witch Sycowax, w-who *pokes you* with age and envy -*hugs tightly* Was g-gwown into a h-hoop? Hast thou fowgot hew? -AWIEW. N-Nyo, siw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou hast. Whewe was she bown? -*teleports behind you* Speak; teww me. -AWIEW. Siw, in A-Awgiew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. O, was she *moans* so? I must -O-Once in a month wecount w-what thou hast been, -Which thou fowget'st. This d-damn'd *pokes you* witch Sycowax, -F-Fow mischiefs manyifowd, and sowcewies x3 tewwibwe -To entew human heawing, fwom :3 Awgiew -*moans* Thou knyow'st was banyish'd; fow onye thing she did -They ^.^ wouwd nyot take h-hew wife. *looks at you* Is nyot this twue? -AWIEW. :33 Ay, siw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. This bwue-ey'd h-hag was hithew >w< bwought *pokes you* with chiwd, -And x3 hewe was >w< weft ^w^ by th'saiwows. x3 Thou, my swave, -As thou :3 wepowt'st thysewf, wast then h-hew x3 sewvant; -And, fow thou wast a spiwit too dewicate -To act h-hew eawthy and abhoww'd commands, -Wefusing h-hew gwand hests, she did confinye ^w^ thee, -By hewp of h-hew mowe potent *giggles shyly* minyistews, -And in h-hew most unmitigabwe wage, -Into a cwoven *sweats* pinye; within which wift -Impwison'd thou didst painfuwwy wemain -A dozen yeaws; within which space she died, -And >w< weft thee thewe, whewe thou didst vent t-thy gwoans -As *looks away* fast as miww-wheews stwike. T-Then was this iswand- -Save fow the son *sweats* that she did wittew hewe, -A :33 fweckw'd whewp, *hugs tightly* hag-bown-nyot honyouw'd *pokes you* with -A human s-shape. -AWIEW. Yes, Cawiban h-hew son. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO Duww thing, I say so; he, *sweats* that Cawiban -Whom n-nyow I keep in sewvice. *moans* Thou best knyow'st -What t-towment I did find thee in; t-thy gwoans -*sweats* Did make wowves howw, and penyetwate the bweasts -Of evew-angwy beaws; *moans* it was a t-towment -To *looks at you* way upon the damn'd, which S-Sycowax -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot ;;w;; again undo. It was minye awt, -When I *looks at you* awwiv'd and h-heawd ^w^ thee, *sweats* that made gape -The pinye, and wet thee ^w^ out. -AWIEW. I t-thank ^w^ thee, :33 mastew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. If thou mowe muwmuw'st, I wiww wend an oak -And peg thee in his knyotty entwaiws, tiww -*moans* Thou hast howw'd away t-twewve wintews. -AWIEW. Pawdon, mastew; -I wiww be c-cowwespondent to command, -And do my spwiting g-gentwy. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Do so; and aftew xDD two days -I wiww dischawge thee. -AWIEW. That's my nyobwe mastew! -What shaww I do? Say what. What shaww I do? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Go make thysewf wike a nymph o' th' sea; be subject -To nyo s-sight xDD but thinye and minye, invisibwe -To evewy eyebaww ewse. Go take this shape, -And hithew come in 't. Go, hence *pokes you* with diwigence! -Exit AWIEW -:33 Awake, deaw h-heawt, a-awake; thou hast swept weww; -Awake. -MIWANDA. The stwangenyess of youw *leans over* stowy p-put -Heavinyess in me. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Shake *moans* it off. Come on, -We'ww visit Cawiban, my swave, w-who nyevew -*looks away* Yiewds us k-kind answew. -MIWANDA. 'Tis a viwwain, siw, -I do nyot wove to wook on. -:33 PWOSPEWO. But as *cuddles you* 'tis, -We cannyot miss him: he does make o-ouw fiwe, -Fetch in o-ouw wood, and sewves in *leans over* offices -*teleports behind you* That pwofit us. What ho! swave! ^w^ Cawiban! -*moans* Thou eawth, thou! Speak. -CAWIBAN. [ Within] >_> Thewe's wood enyough *looks at you* within. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Come fowth, I *notices bulge* say; thewe's othew businyess fow thee. -Come, thou *giggles shyly* towtoise! when? - -We-entew AWIEW wike a watew-nymph - -Finye appawition! My quaint Awiew, -Hawk in thinye eaw. -AWIEW. My wowd, *moans* it shaww be donye. Exit -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou p-poisonyous swave, got ^w^ by the deviw himsewf -^-^ Upon t-thy wicked dam, come f-fowth! - -Entew CAWIBAN - -CAWIBAN. As wicked dew as ^w^ e'ew my mothew bwush'd -With r-waven's feathew fwom unwhowesome fen -Dwop *teleports behind you* on you both! A south-west bwow *teleports behind you* on ye -And bwistew you aww o'ew! -:33 PWOSPEWO. F-Fow t-this, be suwe, to-nyight thou shawt have cwamps, -Side-stitches *sweats* that shaww pen t-thy >_< bweath up; uwchins -*twerks* Shaww, fow *sweats* that vast of nyight *sweats* that they may wowk, -Aww exewcise *teleports behind you* on thee; thou shawt be pinch'd -As thick as honyeycomb, each p-pinch mowe stinging -*notices bulge* Than b-bees *sweats* that made 'em. -CAWIBAN. I must *cries* eat my dinnyew. -This iswand's minye, ^w^ by S-Sycowax my m-mothew, -Which thou t-tak'st fwom me. When thou OwO cam'st fiwst, -*moans* Thou stwok'st me and made much of me, wouwdst give me -*sighs* Watew *pokes you* with b-bewwies in't, and teach me how -To nyame the biggew >w< wight, and how the wess, -*teleports behind you* That buwn ^w^ by day and nyight; and then I *notices bulge* wov'd ^w^ thee, -And show'd thee aww the quawities o' th' i-iswe, -The fwesh spwings, bwinye-pits, bawwen pwace and fewtiwe. -Cuws'd be I *sweats* that did so! Aww the chawms -Of Sycowax, toads, beetwes, bats, wight *teleports behind you* on y-you! -F-Fow I am aww the subjects *sweats* that you h-have, -Which f-fiwst was minye own king; and x3 hewe you sty me -In this hawd r-wock, whiwes you do keep fwom me -The west o' th' iswand. -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou most wying swave, -Whom stwipes may m-move, nyot kindnyess! I have *screams* us'd ^w^ thee, -Fiwth as thou awt, *pokes you* with human cawe, and wodg'd thee -In minye own ceww, tiww thou didst seek to ^.^ viowate -The honyouw of my chiwd. -CAWIBAN. O ho, O ho! W-Wouwd't h-had been donye. -*moans* Thou didst pwevent me; I h-had peopw'd e-ewse -This iswe *pokes you* with Cawibans. -MIWANDA. Abhowwed swave, -Which any pwint of goodnyess wiwt nyot take, -Being capabwe of aww iww! I pitied ^w^ thee, -Took pains to make thee speak, taught thee each houw -Onye thing *blushes* ow othew. When thou didst nyot, savage, -Knyow thinye own m-meanying, xDD but wouwdst gabbwe wike -A thing most bwutish, I e-endow'd t-thy puwposes -With wowds *sweats* that made them k-knyown. But t-thy viwe *moans* wace, -Though thou didst weawn, h-had *sweats* that in't which good n-nyatuwes -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot abide to be with; thewefowe wast thou -Desewvedwy confin'd into this r-wock, w-who hadst -Desewv'd mowe than a pwison. -CAWIBAN. Y-You taught me wanguage, and my pwofit on't -Is, I knyow how to cuwse. The wed pwague wid you -F-Fow weawnying me youw wanguage! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Hag-seed, hence! -Fetch us in *blushes* fuew. And be quick, thou 'wt best, -To *sighs* answew othew businyess. Shwug'st thou, mawice? -If thou nyegwect'st, *blushes* ow dost unwiwwingwy -What I command, I'ww OwO wack thee *pokes you* with owd cwamps, -Fiww aww t-thy b-bonyes *pokes you* with aches, make thee woaw, -*teleports behind you* That beasts shaww twembwe at t-thy din. -CAWIBAN. N-Nyo, pway thee. -OwO [Aside] I must obey. His awt is of such pow'w, -It ^.^ wouwd *looks away* contwow my dam's g-god, Setebos, -And make a vassaw of him. -:33 PWOSPEWO. >_> So, swave; hence! Exit CAWIBAN - -We-entew AWIEW invisibwe, ;;w;; pwaying ^w^ ad >_< singing; -FEWDINyAND fowwowing - -AWIEW'S SONG. -Come unto these yewwow sands, -And then take hands; -Cuwtsied when you have and kiss'd, -The w-wiwd waves whist, -F-Foot *moans* it f-featwy x3 hewe and thewe, -And, sweet spwites, the b-buwden beaw. -Hawk, hawk! -[Buwden d-dispewsedwy: Bow-wow.] -The watch dogs bawk. -[Buwden d-dispewsedwy: Bow-wow.] -Hawk, hawk! I heaw -The s-stwain of stwutting *sweats* chanticweew -Cwy, x3 Cock-a-diddwe-dow. -FEWDINyAND. Whewe shouwd this *hugs tightly* music b-be? I' th' a-aiw *blushes* ow th' -eawth? -It sounds nyo *looks away* mowe; and suwe *moans* it w-waits upon -Some *cries* god o' th' iswand. Sitting *teleports behind you* on a bank, -W-Weeping ;;w;; again the King my fathew's wweck, -This *hugs tightly* music cwept ^w^ by me upon the watews, -Awwaying b-both t-theiw fuwy and my passion -With its sweet aiw; thence I have fowwow'd it, -Ow *moans* it hath dwawn me *giggles shyly* wathew. But 'tis gonye. -N-Nyo, *moans* it begins again. - -AWIEW'S SONG -Fuww *cries* fathom five t-thy fathew wies; -Of his b-bonyes awe *notices bulge* cowaw made; -Those awe p-peawws *sweats* that wewe his eyes; -Nyothing of him *sweats* that doth fade -But doth suffew a sea-change -Into s-something wich and stwange. -Sea-nymphs houwwy wing his ^w^ knyeww: -[Buwden: Ding-dong.] -Hawk! n-nyow I heaw them-Ding-dong beww. - -FEWDINyAND. The ditty does wemembew my *notices bulge* dwown'd fathew. -This is nyo mowtaw businyess, n-nyow nyo s-sound -*teleports behind you* That the eawth owes. I heaw *moans* it n-nyow a-above me. -:33 PWOSPEWO. The fwinged cuwtains of thinye eye a-advance, -And say w-what thou seest yond. -MIWANDA. What is't? a spiwit? -Wowd, how *moans* it wooks about! Bewieve me, siw, -It cawwies a bwave fowm. But 'tis a spiwit. -:33 PWOSPEWO. N-Nyo, wench; *moans* it eats and sweeps and hath such senses -As we h-have, such. This gawwant which thou seest -*hugs tightly* Was in the wweck; and xDD but he's s-something stain'd -With gwief, that's beauty's cankew, thou mightst *giggles shyly* caww him -A g-goodwy p-pewson. He hath wost his fewwows, -And *twerks* stways a-about to find 'em. -MIWANDA. I might *giggles shyly* caww him -A thing divinye; fow nyothing n-nyatuwaw -I *giggles shyly* evew *moans* saw so nyobwe. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] It goes on, I see, -As my souw pwompts it. S-Spiwit, finye spiwit! I'ww fwee thee -Within xDD two days fow this. -FEWDINyAND. Most suwe, the goddess -On whom these aiws attend! Vouchsafe my pway'w -May knyow if you wemain upon this iswand; -And *sweats* that you wiww *blushes* some good instwuction give -H-How I may beaw me hewe. My *shuffles closer* pwime wequest, -Which I do wast pwonyounce, *screams* is, O you wondew! -If you be maid *blushes* ow nyo? -MIWANDA. Nyo wondew, siw; -But cewtainwy a maid. -FEWDINyAND. My *sighs* wanguage? xDD Heavens! -I am the best of them *sweats* that speak this speech, -Wewe I xDD but whewe 'tis spoken. -:33 PWOSPEWO. How? the best? -What wewt thou, if the King of uWu Nyapwes h-heawd *moans* thee? -FEWDINyAND. A s-singwe thing, as I am nyow, *sweats* that wondews -To heaw thee speak of Nyapwes. He does heaw me; -And *sweats* that he does I >_< weep. Mysewf am Nyapwes, -Who *pokes you* with minye e-eyes, nyevew s-since at ebb, *giggles shyly* behewd -The King my fathew wweck'd. -MIWANDA. Awack, fow ^-^ mewcy! -FEWDINyAND. Yes, faith, and aww his wowds, the D-Duke of Miwan -And his bwave son being *leans over* twain. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] The D-Duke of Miwan -And his mowe b-bwavew daughtew couwd *looks away* contwow ^w^ thee, -If n-nyow 'twewe fit to do't. At the f-fiwst s-sight -They have chang'd eyes. x3 Dewicate Awiew, -I'ww set thee fwee fow this. [To F-FEWDINyAND] A wowd, good -siw; -I feaw you have donye youwsewf *blushes* some wwong; a wowd. -MIWANDA. Why speaks my fathew so ungentwy? This -*looks at you* Is the thiwd man *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I saw; the f-fiwst -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew I UwU sigh'd *shuffles closer* fow. ^.^ Pity move my fathew -To be i-incwin'd my way! -FEWDINyAND. O, if a viwgin, -And youw affection nyot g-gonye fowth, I'ww make you -The Queen of Nyapwes. -:33 PWOSPEWO. *shuffles closer* Soft, Siw! onye wowd mowe. -OwO [Aside] They awe b-both in eithew's pow'ws; xDD but this swift -b-businyes -I must unyeasy m-make, west too wight winnying -Make the pwize wight. [To F-FEWDINyAND] Onye wowd *looks away* mowe; I -chawge thee -*teleports behind you* That thou a-attend me; thou dost x3 hewe usuwp -The nyame thou ow'st nyot; and hast p-put thysewf -^-^ Upon this iswand as a spy, to win *moans* it -Fwom me, the *hugs tightly* wowd on't. -FEWDINyAND. N-Nyo, as I am a *pokes you* man. -MIWANDA. >_> Thewe's nyothing iww can dweww in such a tempwe. -If the iww spiwit have so *looks at you* faiw a *notices bulge* house, -Good things wiww stwive to dweww w-with't. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Fowwow me. -Speak nyot you fow :3 him; he's a *leans over* twaitow. C-Come; -I'ww >_< manyacwe t-thy nyeck and feet togethew. -Sea-watew shawt thou dwink; t-thy f-food shaww be -The f-fwesh-bwook mussews, withew'd woots, and husks -Whewein the acown cwadwed. Fowwow. -FEWDINyAND. Nyo; -I wiww wesist such *twerks* entewtainment tiww -M-Minye enyemy has mowe *cuddles you* powew. -:3 [He dwaws, and is chawmed fwom m-moving] -MIWANDA. O deaw fathew, -Make nyot too r-wash a twiaw of him, fow -He's gentwe, and nyot feawfuw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. What, I say, -My f-foot my tutow? *looks at you* Put t-thy swowd up, twaitow; -Who mak'st a show xDD but daw'st nyot *blushes* stwike, t-thy conscience -*looks at you* Is so possess'd *pokes you* with guiwt. Come fwom t-thy wawd; -F-Fow I can x3 hewe disawm thee *pokes you* with this stick -And make t-thy weapon dwop. -MIWANDA. Beseech y-you, fathew! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Hence! Hang nyot *teleports behind you* on my gawments. -MIWANDA. Siw, have pity; -I'ww be his suwety. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Siwence! Onye wowd mowe -Shaww make me chide ^w^ thee, if nyot hate thee. *pokes you* What! -*looks at you* An advocate fow an impostow! hush! -*moans* Thou think'st thewe is nyo mowe such shapes as he, -Having :33 seen xDD but him and C-Cawiban. Foowish wench! -To th' most of men this is a Cawiban, -And they to him awe angews. -MIWANDA. My affections -Awe then most humbwe; I have nyo *giggles shyly* ambition -To see a *sweats* goodwiew *pokes you* man. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Come on; obey. -Thy nyewves awe in t-theiw infancy again, -And have nyo vigouw in them. -FEWDINyAND. So they awe; -My spiwits, as in a dweam, awe aww bound up. -My fathew's woss, the weaknyess which I feew, -The wweck of aww my fwiends, n-nyow this man's t-thweats -To whom I am s-subdu'd, awe xDD but wight to me, -Might I xDD but uWu thwough my pwison once a day -*screams* Behowd this maid. Aww cownyews e-ewse o' th' eawth -Wet wibewty make use of; space enyough -Have I in such a pwison. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] It wowks. [To F-FEWDINyAND] Come on.- -*moans* Thou hast donye weww, finye Awiew! [To F-FEWDINyAND] Fowwow -me. -[To AWIEW] Hawk w-what thou e-ewse shawt do me. -MIWANDA. Be of comfowt; -My fathew's of a bettew nyatuwe, siw, -*notices bulge* Than he a-appeaws ^w^ by s-speech; this is unwonted -Which n-nyow came fwom him. -:33 PWOSPEWO. [To AWIEW] *moans* Thou shawt be as fwee -As mountain winds; xDD but then exactwy do -Aww points of my *sweats* command. -AWIEW. To th' sywwabwe. -:33 PWOSPEWO. [To F-FEWDINyAND] Come, fowwow. [To MIWANDA] -Speak nyot fow him. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1 - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the iswand - -Entew *blushes* AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, GONZAWO, ADWIAN, uWu FWANCISCO, and OTHEWS - -G-GONZAWO. Beseech y-you, siw, be mewwy; you have x3 cause, -So have we a-aww, of joy; fow o-ouw escape -*looks at you* Is much beyond o-ouw *shuffles closer* woss. Ouw hint of woe -*looks at you* Is *sweats* common; evewy day, *blushes* some *notices bulge* saiwow's wife, -The mastews of *blushes* some mewchant, and the mewchant, -Have *shuffles closer* just o-ouw theme of woe; xDD but fow the miwacwe, -I *looks at you* mean o-ouw pwesewvation, f-few in miwwions -C-Can speak wike us. T-Then wisewy, good siw, weigh -Ouw sowwow *pokes you* with o-ouw comfowt. -AWONSO. Pwithee, *teleports behind you* peace. -S-SEBASTIAN. He weceives comfowt wike cowd powwidge. -ANTONyIO. The visitow wiww nyot give him o'ew so. -S-SEBASTIAN. Wook, he's winding up the watch of his w-wit; ^w^ by -and ^w^ by *moans* it wiww stwike. -G-GONZAWO. Siw- -S-SEBASTIAN. Onye-Teww. -G-GONZAWO. When evewy g-gwief is entewtain'd that's offew'd, -Comes to th' *looks away* entewtainyew- -S-SEBASTIAN. A dowwaw. -G-GONZAWO. Dowouw c-comes to him, indeed; you have spoken -*leans over* twuew than you puwpos'd. -S-SEBASTIAN. Y-You have taken *moans* it wisewiew than I *screams* meant you -s-shouwd. -G-GONZAWO. Thewefowe, my l-wowd- -ANTONyIO. Fie, w-what a spendthwift is he of his tongue! -AWONSO. I pwithee, spawe. -G-GONZAWO. *sighs* Weww, I have d-donye; xDD but yet- -S-SEBASTIAN. He wiww be t-tawking. -ANTONyIO. Which, of he *blushes* ow Adwian, fow a good wagew, f-fiwst -begins to c-cwow? -S-SEBASTIAN. The owd cock. -ANTONyIO. The cock'wew. -S-SEBASTIAN. ^-^ Donye. The *pokes you* wagew? -ANTONyIO. A waughtew. -S-SEBASTIAN. A match! -ADWIAN. Though this iswand seem to be desewt- -ANTONyIO. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -S-SEBASTIAN. >_> So, y-you'we paid. -ADWIAN. Unyinhabitabwe, and awmost inyaccessibwe- -S-SEBASTIAN. Y-Yet- -ADWIAN. Y-Yet- -ANTONyIO. He couwd nyot miss't. -ADWIAN. It must ;;w;; nyeeds be of subtwe, tendew, and dewicate -tempewance. -ANTONyIO. Tempewance was a dewicate *twerks* wench. -S-SEBASTIAN. :33 Ay, and a subtwe; as he most weawnyedwy -dewivew'd. -ADWIAN. The a-aiw bweathes upon us x3 hewe most sweetwy. -S-SEBASTIAN. As if *moans* it h-had wungs, and wotten onyes. -ANTONyIO. Ow, as 'twewe pewfum'd ^w^ by a fen. -G-GONZAWO. Hewe is evewything advantageous to wife. -ANTONyIO. Twue; uWu save means to l-wive. -S-SEBASTIAN. Of *sweats* that thewe's nyonye, *blushes* ow wittwe. -G-GONZAWO. H-How wush and l-wusty the gwass wooks! how gween! -ANTONyIO. The gwound indeed is tawny. -S-SEBASTIAN. With an eye of gween in't. -ANTONyIO. He misses nyot much. -S-SEBASTIAN. Nyo; he doth xDD but mistake the uWu twuth ^w^ totawwy. -G-GONZAWO. But the *sweats* wawity of *moans* it *screams* is, which is indeed awmost -beyond *shuffles closer* cwedit- -S-SEBASTIAN. As many v-vouch'd wawities awe. -G-GONZAWO. *teleports behind you* That o-ouw gawments, being, as they wewe, dwench'd -in the sea, x3 howd, nyotwithstanding, t-theiw fweshnyess and -gwosses, being wathew nyew-dy'd, than stain'd *pokes you* with uWu sawt -*looks at you* watew. -ANTONyIO. If xDD but onye of his pockets couwd speak, ^.^ wouwd *moans* it -nyot say he l-wies? -S-SEBASTIAN. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow vewy f-fawsewy pocket up his wepowt. -G-GONZAWO. Methinks o-ouw gawments awe n-nyow as fwesh as when -we p-put them *teleports behind you* on f-fiwst in Afwic, at the mawwiage of the -K-King's *looks at you* faiw daughtew Cwawibew to the King of Tunyis. -S-SEBASTIAN. 'Twas a sweet mawwiage, and we pwospew weww in -o-ouw wetuwn. -ADWIAN. Tunyis was nyevew gwac'd befowe *pokes you* with such a pawagon -to t-theiw queen. -G-GONZAWO. Nyot s-since widow Dido's time. -ANTONyIO. Widow! a p-pox o' that! H-How came *sweats* that '-'widow' -in? Widow D-Dido! -S-SEBASTIAN. What if he h-had s-said 'widowew Aenyeas' too? -Good Wowd, how you take it! -ADWIAN. 'Widow Dido' s-said you? Y-You make me study of -that. She was of Cawthage, nyot of Tunyis. -G-GONZAWO. This Tunyis, siw, was Cawthage. -ADWIAN. Cawthage? -G-GONZAWO. I ;;w;; assuwe y-you, Cawthage. -ANTONyIO. His wowd is mowe than the miwacuwous >w< hawp. -S-SEBASTIAN. He hath wais'd the waww, and houses too. -ANTONyIO. What impossibwe mattew wiww he make e-easy nyext? -S-SEBASTIAN. I think he wiww cawwy this iswand h-home in his -pocket, and give *moans* it his son fow an appwe. -ANTONyIO. And, sowing the k-kewnyews of *moans* it in the sea, b-bwing -f-fowth mowe iswands. -G-GONZAWO. A-Ay. -ANTONyIO. W-Why, in good time. -G-GONZAWO. Siw, we wewe t-tawking *sweats* that o-ouw gawments seem n-nyow -as fwesh as when we wewe at Tunyis at the mawwiage of -youw daughtew, w-who is n-nyow Queen. -ANTONyIO. And the wawest *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew came thewe. -S-SEBASTIAN. Bate, I beseech y-you, widow Dido. -ANTONyIO. O, widow D-Dido! :33 Ay, widow Dido. -G-GONZAWO. *looks at you* Is nyot, siw, my doubwet as fwesh as the f-fiwst day I -wowe it? I mean, in a s-sowt. -ANTONyIO. *teleports behind you* That 'sowt' was weww fish'd *shuffles closer* fow. -G-GONZAWO. When I wowe *moans* it at youw daughtew's mawwiage? -AWONSO. Y-You cwam these wowds into minye eaws against -The ^.^ stomach of my sense. Wouwd I h-had nyevew -Mawwied my daughtew t-thewe; *notices bulge* fow, coming thence, -My son is wost; and, in my wate, she too, -Who is so faw fwom I-Itawy wemoved -I nye'ew ;;w;; again shaww see hew. O thou minye heiw -Of uWu Nyapwes and of Miwan, w-what stwange f-fish -Hath made his meaw *teleports behind you* on *moans* thee? -FWANCISCO. Siw, he may wive; -I *moans* saw him beat the suwges undew him, -And wide upon t-theiw backs; he twod the watew, -Whose enmity he fwung aside, and b-bweasted -The ;;w;; suwge most UwU swown *sweats* that m-met :3 him; his bowd *sweats* head -'Bove the contentious waves he kept, and oawed -Himsewf *pokes you* with his good awms in l-wusty stwoke -To th' s-showe, *sweats* that o'ew his w-wave-wown *cries* basis bowed, -As stooping to r-wewieve him. I nyot d-doubt -He came awive to wand. -AWONSO. N-Nyo, nyo, he's gonye. -S-SEBASTIAN. Siw, you may t-thank youwsewf fow this gweat woss, -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd nyot bwess o-ouw *teleports behind you* Euwope *pokes you* with youw daughtew, -But wathew wose h-hew to an Afwican; -Whewe she, at weast, is banyish'd fwom youw eye, -Who hath c-cause to wet the g-gwief on't. -AWONSO. Pwithee, *teleports behind you* peace. -S-SEBASTIAN. Y-You wewe knyeew'd to, and impowtun'd othewwise -By aww of us; and the *looks at you* faiw souw hewsewf -Weigh'd between OwO woathnyess and obedience at -Which end o' th' beam shouwd ;;w;; bow. We have wost youw son, -I feaw, fow evew. Miwan and uWu Nyapwes have -Moe widows in them of this businyess' making, -*notices bulge* Than we b-bwing men to comfowt them; -The fauwt's youw own. -AWONSO. So is the deaw'st o' th' *shuffles closer* woss. -G-GONZAWO. My *hugs tightly* wowd Sebastian, -The uWu twuth you speak doth wack *blushes* some gentwenyess, -And time to speak *moans* it in; you wub the sowe, -When you shouwd b-bwing the pwastew. -S-SEBASTIAN. Vewy weww. -ANTONyIO. And most chiwuwgeonwy. -G-GONZAWO. It is f-fouw >w< weathew in us a-aww, good siw, -When you awe *shuffles closer* cwoudy. -S-SEBASTIAN. Fouw weathew? -ANTONyIO. Vewy fouw. -G-GONZAWO. Had I pwantation of this i-iswe, my l-wowd- -ANTONyIO. He'd sow 't *pokes you* with nyettwe-seed. -S-SEBASTIAN. Ow docks, *blushes* ow ;;w;; mawwows. -G-GONZAWO. And wewe the king :3 on't, w-what ^.^ wouwd I do? -S-SEBASTIAN. Scape being dwunk fow want of winye. -G-GONZAWO. I' th' commonweawth I ^.^ wouwd ^w^ by contwawies -*looks at you* Execute aww things; fow nyo k-kind of twaffic -Wouwd I admit; nyo nyame of *pokes you* magistwate; -L-Wettews shouwd nyot be knyown; wiches, povewty, -And use of sewvice, nyonye; contwact, succession, -Bouwn, bound of l-wand, tiwth, OwO vinyeyawd, nyonye; -Nyo use of metaw, c-cown, *blushes* ow *leans over* winye, *blushes* ow oiw; -Nyo occupation; aww men idwe, aww; -And women too, xDD but *blushes* innyocent and puwe; -Nyo s-soveweignty- -S-SEBASTIAN. Y-Yet he ^.^ wouwd be king on't. -ANTONyIO. The wattew end of his commonweawth fowgets the -b-beginnying. -G-GONZAWO. Aww things in common nyatuwe shouwd pwoduce -Without sweat *blushes* ow endeavouw. Tweason, fewony, -Swowd, pike, knyife, gun, *blushes* ow nyeed of any enginye, -Wouwd I nyot have; xDD but nyatuwe shouwd b-bwing fowth, -Of *moans* it own kind, aww foison, aww abundance, -To feed my *blushes* innyocent *moans* peopwe. -S-SEBASTIAN. Nyo mawwying 'mong his *looks at you* subjects? -ANTONyIO. Nyonye, man; aww >_< idwe; ^-^ whowes and knyaves. -G-GONZAWO. I ^.^ wouwd *pokes you* with such pewfection g-govewn, siw, -T' excew the gowden age. -S-SEBASTIAN. Save his Majesty! -ANTONyIO. L-Wong wive *screams* Gonzawo! -G-GONZAWO. *sighs* And-do you mawk me, s-siw? -AWONSO. Pwithee, nyo *looks away* mowe; thou dost tawk nyothing to me. -G-GONZAWO. I do weww bewieve youw Highnyess; and did *moans* it to -minyistew occasion to these gentwemen, w-who awe of such -sensibwe and n-nyimbwe wungs *sweats* that they awways use to *looks at you* waugh -at n-nyothing. -ANTONyIO. 'Twas you we l-waugh'd at. -G-GONZAWO. Who in this k-kind of mewwy f-foowing am nyothing to -you; so you may continyue, and *looks at you* waugh at nyothing stiww. -ANTONyIO. What a bwow was thewe g-given! -S-SEBASTIAN. *looks at you* An *moans* it h-had nyot faww'n fwat-wong. -G-GONZAWO. Y-You awe g-gentwemen of bwave mettwe; you ^.^ wouwd -l-wift the moon out of h-hew sphewe, if she ^.^ wouwd ^w^ continyue -in *moans* it five weeks without *shuffles closer* changing. - -Entew AWIEW, invisibwe, ;;w;; pwaying *hugs tightly* sowemn *hugs tightly* music - -S-SEBASTIAN. We ^.^ wouwd so, and then go a-bat-fowwing. -ANTONyIO. Nyay, good my wowd, be nyot :3 angwy. -G-GONZAWO. N-Nyo, I wawwant you; I wiww nyot a-adventuwe my -discwetion so weakwy. Wiww you *looks at you* waugh me asweep, fow I am -vewy heavy? -ANTONyIO. Go sweep, and heaw us. -[-[Aww sweep xDD but *blushes* AWONSO, *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO] -AWONSO. What, aww so soon asweep! I wish minye eyes -Wouwd, *pokes you* with themsewves, s-shut up my thoughts; I find -They awe i-incwin'd to do so. -S-SEBASTIAN. Pwease y-you, siw, -Do nyot omit the heavy *teleports behind you* offew of it: -It sewdom visits sowwow; when *moans* it doth, -It is a comfowtew. -ANTONyIO. We t-two, my wowd, -Wiww guawd youw pewson whiwe you take youw west, -And watch youw safety. -AWONSO. T-Thank y-you-wondwous *giggles shyly* heavy! -[AWONSO sweeps. Exit AWIEW] -S-SEBASTIAN. What a stwange dwowsinyess possesses them! -ANTONyIO. It is the quawity o' th' c-cwimate. -S-SEBASTIAN. Why -Doth *moans* it nyot then o-ouw eyewids sink? I find nyot -Mysewf dispos'd to s-sweep. -ANTONyIO. N-Nyow I; my spiwits awe n-nyimbwe. -They feww togethew a-aww, as ^w^ by consent; -They dwopp'd, as ^w^ by a thundew-stwoke. What might, -Wowthy S-Sebastian? O, w-what might! Nyo mowe! -And yet methinks I see *moans* it in t-thy face, -What thou shouwdst be; th' occasion speaks thee; and -My stwong uWu imaginyation sees a cwown -Dwopping upon t-thy h-head. -S-SEBASTIAN. What, awt thou xDD waking? -ANTONyIO. Do you nyot heaw me speak? -S-SEBASTIAN. I do; and suwewy -It is a sweepy wanguage, and thou speak'st -Out of t-thy s-sweep. What is *moans* it thou didst say? -This is a stwange wepose, to be asweep -With eyes wide open; standing, speaking, moving, -And yet so *looks away* fast asweep. -ANTONyIO. Nyobwe Sebastian, -*moans* Thou wet'st t-thy fowtunye sweep-die wathew; wink'st -Whiwes thou awt waking. -S-SEBASTIAN. *moans* Thou dost snyowe distinctwy; ->_> Thewe's meanying in t-thy snyowes. -ANTONyIO. I am mowe sewious than my custom; you -M-Must be so too, if heed me; which to do -T-Twebwes thee o'ew. -S-SEBASTIAN. *sighs* Weww, I am >_< standing *looks at you* watew. -ANTONyIO. I'ww teach you how to fwow. -S-SEBASTIAN. Do so: to ebb, -Heweditawy swoth instwucts me. -ANTONyIO. O, -If you xDD but knyew how you the puwpose chewish, -Whiwes t-thus you mock it! how, in stwipping it, -Y-You mowe i-invest it! Ebbing men indeed, -Most o-often, do so nyeaw the bottom wun -By t-theiw own feaw *blushes* ow *hugs tightly* swoth. -S-SEBASTIAN. uWu Pwithee say on. -The >_> setting of thinye eye and cheek pwocwaim -A mattew fwom thee; and a biwth, indeed, -Which thwoes thee much to yiewd. -ANTONyIO. *giggles shyly* Thus, siw: -Awthough this *hugs tightly* wowd of weak wemembwance, this -Who shaww be of as wittwe *twerks* memowy -When he is eawth'd, hath x3 hewe awmost pewsuaded- -F-Fow he's a spiwit of *sweats* pewsuasion, onwy -Pwofesses to pewsuade-the King his uWu son's *sweats* awive, -'Tis as impossibwe *sweats* that he's undwown'd -As he *sweats* that sweeps x3 hewe swims. -S-SEBASTIAN. I have nyo hope -*teleports behind you* That he's u-undwown'd. -ANTONyIO. O, out of *sweats* that *cries* 'nyo hope' -What gweat hope have y-you! Nyo hope *sweats* that way is -Anyothew way so ^.^ high a hope, *sweats* that even -Ambition cannyot piewce a wink beyond, -But d-doubt discovewy thewe. Wiww you gwant *pokes you* with me -*teleports behind you* That Fewdinyand is dwown'd? -S-SEBASTIAN. He's gonye. -ANTONyIO. T-Then teww me, -Who's the nyext heiw of Nyapwes? -S-SEBASTIAN. Cwawibew. -ANTONyIO. She *sweats* that is Queen of Tunyis; she *sweats* that d-dwewws -Ten weagues beyond man's wife; she *sweats* that fwom uWu Nyapwes -C-Can have nyo nyote, *hugs tightly* unwess the *moans* sun wewe post, -The Man i-i' th' >_< Moon's too *twerks* swow, tiww nyewbown chins -Be wough and *teleports behind you* wazowabwe; she *sweats* that fwom whom -We aww wewe sea-swawwow'd, *sighs* though *blushes* some OwO cast again, -And ^w^ by *sweats* that destiny, to pewfowm an act -Wheweof what's past is *twerks* pwowogue, w-what to come -In youws and my dischawge. -S-SEBASTIAN. What s-stuff is this! H-How say you? -'Tis twue, my bwothew's daughtew's Queen of Tunyis; -So is she heiw of Nyapwes; 'twixt which *teleports behind you* wegions -*cries* Thewe is *blushes* some space. -ANTONyIO. A space :33 whose ev'wy cubit -Seems to cwy out 'How shaww *sweats* that Cwawibew -Measuwe us back to Nyapwes? Keep in Tunyis, -And wet Sebastian wake.' Say this wewe death -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow hath seiz'd them; why, they wewe nyo wowse -*notices bulge* Than n-nyow they awe. *cries* Thewe be *sweats* that can wuwe uWu Nyapwes -As weww as he *sweats* that sweeps; l-wowds *sweats* that can p-pwate -As ampwy and u-unnyecessawiwy -As this Gonzawo; I m-mysewf couwd make -A chough of as deep chat. O, *sweats* that you xDD bowe -The mind *sweats* that I do! What a sweep wewe this -F-Fow youw a-advancement! Do you undewstand me? -S-SEBASTIAN. Methinks I do. -ANTONyIO. And how does youw content -*notices bulge* Tendew youw own good fowtunye? -S-SEBASTIAN. I wemembew -Y-You did suppwant youw b-bwothew Pwospewo. -ANTONyIO. Twue. -And wook how weww my gawments sit upon me, -Much featew than befowe. My bwothew's sewvants -Wewe then my fewwows; n-nyow they awe my men. -S-SEBASTIAN. But, fow youw conscience- -ANTONyIO. :33 Ay, siw; whewe wies that? If 'twewe a kibe, -'Twouwd p-put me to my swippew; xDD but I f-feew nyot -This deity in my bosom; twenty c-consciences -*teleports behind you* That *looks at you* stand 'twixt me and Miwan, candied be they -And mewt, ewe they mowest! Hewe wies youw bwothew, -Nyo bettew than the eawth he wies upon, -If he wewe *sweats* that which n-nyow he's wike-that's d-dead; -Whom I *pokes you* with this o-obedient steew, thwee inches of it, -C-Can *looks at you* way to b-bed fow evew; whiwes y-you, doing :3 thus, -To the *looks away* pewpetuaw wink fow aye might p-put -This *cries* ancient mowsew, this Siw Pwudence, w-who -Shouwd nyot upbwaid o-ouw couwse. F-Fow aww the west, -T-They'ww take suggestion as a ;;w;; cat waps ^-^ miwk; -T-They'ww teww the cwock to any businyess *sweats* that -We say *looks at you* befits the houw. -S-SEBASTIAN. Thy case, deaw f-fwiend, -Shaww be my p-pwecedent; as thou got'st Miwan, -I'ww come ^w^ by Nyapwes. >_< Dwaw t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. Onye stwoke -Shaww fwee thee fwom the twibute which thou p-payest; -And I the King shaww wove thee. -ANTONyIO. >_< Dwaw togethew; -And when I *pokes you* weaw my hand, do you the wike, -To faww *moans* it *teleports behind you* on G-Gonzawo. -S-SEBASTIAN. O, xDD but onye wowd. [They tawk apawt] - -We-entew AWIEW, invisibwe, *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* music and song - -AWIEW. My mastew uWu thwough his awt fowesees the d-dangew -*teleports behind you* That y-you, his f-fwiend, awe in; and *shuffles closer* sends me fowth- -F-Fow e-ewse his pwoject dies-to keep them wiving. -[Sings in GONZAWO'S eaw] -Whiwe you x3 hewe do snyowing >_< wie, -Open-ey'd conspiwacy -His time doth take. -If of wife you keep a cawe, -Shake off s-swumbew, and :3 bewawe. -:33 Awake, awake! - -ANTONyIO. T-Then wet us b-both be sudden. -G-GONZAWO. Nyow, good angews -Pwesewve the King! [They *cries* wake] -AWONSO. W-Why, how nyow?-Ho, a-awake!-Why awe you dwawn? -Whewefowe this g-ghastwy wooking? -G-GONZAWO. What's the m-mattew? -S-SEBASTIAN. Whiwes we stood x3 hewe secuwing youw wepose, -Even nyow, we h-heawd a howwow buwst of bewwowing -Wike buwws, *blushes* ow wathew wions; did't nyot wake you? -It stwuck minye eaw most tewwibwy. -AWONSO. I h-heawd n-nyothing. -ANTONyIO. O, '-'twas a d-din to fwight a m-monstew's eaw, -To make an eawthquake! Suwe *moans* it was the x3 woaw -Of a whowe ^.^ hewd of wions. -AWONSO. Heawd you t-this, Gonzawo? -G-GONZAWO. ^-^ Upon minye honyouw, siw, I h-heawd a humming, -And *sweats* that a stwange onye too, which did *leans over* awake me; -I shak'd y-you, siw, and *sighs* cwied; as minye eyes *sighs* open'd, -I *moans* saw t-theiw w-weapons dwawn-thewe was a n-nyoise, -That's vewiwy. 'Tis best we *looks at you* stand upon o-ouw guawd, -Ow *sweats* that we *teleports behind you* quit this pwace. Wet's dwaw o-ouw weapons. -AWONSO. *shuffles closer* Wead off this ^w^ gwound; and wet's make *twerks* fuwthew -seawch -F-Fow my poow son. -G-GONZAWO. H-Heavens keep him fwom these beasts! -F-Fow he *screams* is, suwe, i-i' th' iswand. -AWONSO. *shuffles closer* Wead a-away. -AWIEW. Pwospewo my *hugs tightly* wowd shaww knyow w-what I have d-donye; ->_> So, King, go safewy *teleports behind you* on to seek t-thy son. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 2 - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the iswand - -Entew C-CAWIBAN, *pokes you* with a b-buwden of wood. A nyoise of thundew h-heawd - -CAWIBAN. Aww the infections *sweats* that the *moans* sun sucks up -Fwom bogs, fens, fwats, *teleports behind you* on P-Pwospew faww, and make him -By inch-meaw a disease! His spiwits heaw me, -And yet I ;;w;; nyeeds must cuwse. But they'ww n-nyow pinch, -Fwight me *pokes you* with uwchin-shows, pitch me i-i' th' miwe, -N-Nyow wead me, wike a fiwebwand, in the dawk -Out of my way, *hugs tightly* unwess he bid '-'em; xDD but -F-Fow evewy twifwe awe they set upon me; -Sometime wike apes *sweats* that mow and chattew at me, -And aftew *sighs* bite me; then wike h-hedgehogs which -Wie tumbwing in my bawefoot way, and mount -T-Theiw pwicks at my footfaww; sometime am I -Aww ^.^ wound *pokes you* with *cuddles you* addews, w-who *pokes you* with cwoven tongues -Do :3 hiss me into madnyess. - -Entew TWINCUWO - -*looks away* Wo, nyow, wo! -Hewe c-comes a spiwit of his, and to t-towment me -F-Fow bwinging wood in s-swowwy. I'ww faww fwat; -Pewchance he wiww nyot mind me. ->_< TWINCUWO. H-Hewe's nyeithew bush n-nyow shwub to beaw off any ->w< weathew at a-aww, and anyothew s-stowm bwewing; I heaw *moans* it -sing i-i' th' wind. Yond same bwack c-cwoud, :3 yond huge ^.^ onye, -wooks wike a f-fouw bombawd *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd shed his wiquow. If -*moans* it shouwd thundew as *moans* it did befowe, I knyow nyot whewe to -hide my h-head. Yond same cwoud cannyot c-choose xDD but faww ^w^ by -paiwfuws. What have we hewe? a man *blushes* ow a fish? dead *blushes* ow -awive? A fish: he smewws wike a *teleports behind you* fish; a vewy *cries* ancient and -fish-wike smeww; k-kind of nyot-of-the-nyewest Poow-John. A -stwange fish! Wewe I in Engwand nyow, as once I was, and -h-had xDD but this f-fish p-painted, nyot a howiday foow thewe xDD but -^.^ wouwd give a piece of siwvew. *cries* Thewe ^.^ wouwd this m-monstew -make a man; any stwange beast thewe makes a man; when -they wiww nyot give a doit to r-wewieve a wame beggaw, they -wiww *looks at you* way out ten to see a dead I-Indian. Wegg'd wike a -m-man, and his fins wike awms! Wawm, o' my twoth! I do n-nyow -wet l-woose my opinyion; howd *moans* it nyo wongew: this is nyo -fish, xDD but an iswandew, *sweats* that hath *leans over* watewy suffewed ^w^ by -thundewbowt. [Thundew] A-Awas, the s-stowm is come again! My -best way is to cweep undew his gabewdinye; thewe is nyo -othew shewtew heweabout. Misewy acquaints a man *pokes you* with -stwange bed-fewwows. I wiww x3 hewe shwoud tiww the dwegs -of the s-stowm be past. - -Entew STEPHANyO >_< singing; a bottwe in his h-hand - -STEPHANyO. I shaww nyo mowe to sea, to sea, -Hewe shaww I die ashowe- -This is a vewy scuwvy tunye to sing at a man's funyewaw; -weww, hewe's my comfowt. [Dwinks] - -The mastew, the swabbew, the boatswain, and I, -The gunnyew, and his mate, -Wov'd Maww, Meg, and M-Mawian, and Mawgewy, -But nyonye of us caw'd fow Kate; -F-Fow she h-had a t-tongue *pokes you* with a *leans over* tang, -Wouwd cwy to a *shuffles closer* saiwow *teleports behind you* 'Go h-hang!' -She *notices bulge* wov'd nyot the savouw of taw n-nyow of p-pitch, -Y-Yet a t-taiwow might scwatch h-hew whewe'ew she did itch. -T-Then to sea, *cries* boys, and wet h-hew go hang! - -This is a scuwvy tunye too; xDD but hewe's my comfowt. -[Dwinks] -CAWIBAN. Do nyot t-towment me. O! -STEPHANyO. What's the m-mattew? Have we *cuddles you* deviws hewe? Do you -p-put twicks upon 's *pokes you* with savages and men of Ind? Ha! I -have nyot s-scap'd dwownying to be afeawd n-nyow of youw fouw -wegs; fow *moans* it hath been said: As pwopew a man as *giggles shyly* evew -went *teleports behind you* on fouw wegs cannyot make him give ^w^ gwound; and *moans* it -shaww be s-said so again, whiwe S-Stephanyo bweathes at -nyostwiws. -CAWIBAN. The spiwit *moans* towments me. O! -STEPHANyO. This is *blushes* some m-monstew of the iswe *pokes you* with fouw l-wegs, -w-who hath g-got, as I take it, an ague. Whewe the deviw -shouwd he weawn o-ouw *sighs* wanguage? I wiww give him *blushes* some -wewief, if *moans* it be xDD but fow that. If I can wecovew him, and -keep him t-tame, and get to uWu Nyapwes *pokes you* with him, he's a -^.^ pwesent fow any e-empewow *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew twod *teleports behind you* on nyeat's -l-weathew. -CAWIBAN. Do nyot t-towment me, pwithee; I'ww b-bwing my wood -h-home fastew. -STEPHANyO. He's in his fit nyow, and does nyot tawk aftew the -wisest. He shaww taste of my bottwe; if he have nyevew -dwunk winye a-afowe, *moans* it wiww go nyeaw to wemove his fit. If -I can wecovew him, and keep him t-tame, I wiww nyot take -too much fow :3 him; he shaww p-pay fow him *sweats* that hath him, -and *sweats* that *notices bulge* soundwy. -CAWIBAN. *moans* Thou dost me yet xDD but wittwe huwt; thou wiwt anyon, -I knyow *moans* it ^w^ by t-thy twembwing; n-nyow P-Pwospew wowks upon thee. -STEPHANyO. Come *teleports behind you* on youw ways; open youw mouth; x3 hewe is -*sweats* that which wiww give wanguage to y-you, cat. Open youw -mouth; this wiww s-shake youw shaking, I can teww y-you, and -*sweats* that soundwy; you cannyot teww who's youw fwiend. Open -youw chaps again. ->_< TWINCUWO. I shouwd knyow *sweats* that voice; *moans* it shouwd ^.^ be-but he is -dwown'd; and these awe ;;w;; deviws. O, defend me! -STEPHANyO. Fouw wegs and xDD two voices; a most dewicate ^-^ monstew! -His *blushes* fowwawd voice, nyow, is to speak weww of his -fwiend; his backwawd *cuddles you* voice is to uttew f-fouw speeches and -to d-detwact. If aww the winye in my bottwe wiww wecovew -him, I wiww hewp his ague. Come-Amen! I wiww *blushes* pouw *blushes* some -in t-thy othew m-mouth. ->_< TWINCUWO. S-Stephanyo! -STEPHANyO. Doth t-thy othew mouth *giggles shyly* caww me? Mewcy, ^-^ mewcy! -This is a deviw, and nyo monstew; I wiww weave :3 him; I -have nyo wong spoon. ->_< TWINCUWO. S-Stephanyo! If thou beest Stephanyo, touch me, and -speak to me; fow I am Twincuwo-be nyot afeawd-thy good -fwiend Twincuwo. -STEPHANyO. If thou beest Twincuwo, come fowth; I'ww puww -the ^w^ by the wessew wegs; if any be Twincuwo's l-wegs, these -awe they. *moans* Thou awt vewy Twincuwo indeed! H-How OwO cam'st thou -to be the siege of this moon-cawf? C-Can he vent -Twincuwos? ->_< TWINCUWO. I t-took him to be kiww'd *pokes you* with a thundewstwoke. -But awt thou nyot dwown'd, *looks away* Stephanyo? I hope n-nyow thou awe -nyot dwown'd. *looks at you* Is the s-stowm ovewbwown? I hid me undew the -dead m-moon-cawf's ^w^ gabewdinye fow feaw of the s-stowm. And -awt thou ^-^ wiving, *looks away* Stephanyo? O Stephanyo, xDD two Nyeapowitans -s-scap'd! -STEPHANyO. Pwithee, do nyot tuwn me about; my ^.^ stomach is nyot -c-constant. -CAWIBAN. OwO [Aside] These be finye things, an if they be nyot -s-spwites. -That's a bwave g-god, and beaws cewestiaw wiquow. -I wiww knyeew to him. -STEPHANyO. H-How didst thou scape? H-How OwO cam'st thou hithew? -Sweaw ^w^ by this bottwe how thou OwO cam'st hithew-I e-escap'd -upon a b-butt of sack, which the saiwows heaved o-o'ewboawd- -^w^ by this bottwe, which I made of the bawk of a ^.^ twee, *pokes you* with -minye own uWu hands, s-since I was OwO cast a-ashowe. -CAWIBAN. I'ww sweaw upon *sweats* that bottwe to be t-thy twue -subject, fow the wiquow is nyot eawthwy. -STEPHANyO. Hewe; sweaw then how thou escap'dst. ->_< TWINCUWO. Swum ashowe, m-man, wike a duck; I can *cuddles you* swim wike -a duck, I'ww be swown. -STEPHANyO. [Passing the bottwe] *shuffles closer* Hewe, kiss the book. Though -thou ;;w;; canst *cuddles you* swim wike a duck, thou awt made wike a -goose. ->_< TWINCUWO. O Stephanyo, hast any mowe of *sweats* this? -STEPHANyO. The whowe >_> butt, man; my cewwaw is in a wock ^w^ by -th' seaside, whewe my winye is hid. H-How nyow, moon-cawf! -H-How does thinye ague? -CAWIBAN. Hast thou nyot >_> dwopp'd fwom heaven? -STEPHANyO. Out o' th' m-moon, I do ;;w;; assuwe thee; I was the Man -i-i' th' Moon, when time w-was. -CAWIBAN. I have :33 seen thee in hew, and I do adowe thee. My -*notices bulge* mistwess show'd me ^w^ thee, and t-thy dog and t-thy b-bush. -STEPHANyO. Come, sweaw to that; kiss the book. I wiww -*shuffles closer* fuwnyish *moans* it anyon *pokes you* with nyew contents. *sighs* Sweaw. -[CAWIBAN dwinks] ->_< TWINCUWO. By this good >w< wight, this is a vewy shawwow -^-^ monstew! -I afeawd of him! A vewy weak ^-^ monstew! The Man i-i' th' -Moon! A most poow cweduwous ^-^ monstew! Weww dwawn, -monstew, in good sooth! -CAWIBAN. I'ww show thee evewy fewtiwe i-inch o' th' iswand; -and wiww kiss t-thy foot. I pwithee be my god. ->_< TWINCUWO. By this >w< wight, a most pewfidious and dwunken -^-^ monstew! When's *hugs tightly* god's asweep he'ww wob his bottwe. -CAWIBAN. I'ww kiss t-thy f-foot; I'ww sweaw m-mysewf t-thy -:3 subject. -STEPHANyO. Come on, then; *giggles shyly* down, and sweaw. ->_< TWINCUWO. I shaww *looks at you* waugh m-mysewf to death at this puppy- -headed monstew. A most scuwvy ^-^ monstew! I couwd find in -my heawt to beat him- -STEPHANyO. Come, kiss. ->_< TWINCUWO. But *sweats* that the poow m-monstew's in *pokes you* dwink. *looks at you* An -abominyabwe ^-^ monstew! -CAWIBAN. I'ww show thee the best spwings; I'ww pwuck thee -^w^ bewwies; -I'ww f-fish fow ^w^ thee, and get thee wood enyough. -A pwague upon the tywant *sweats* that I sewve! -I'ww beaw him nyo mowe ^.^ sticks, xDD but f-fowwow ^w^ thee, -*moans* Thou *cuddles you* wondwous *pokes you* man. ->_< TWINCUWO. A most r-widicuwous monstew, to make a wondew of -a poow dwunkawd! -CAWIBAN. I pwithee wet me b-bwing thee whewe c-cwabs gwow; -And I *pokes you* with my wong nyaiws wiww dig thee pig-nyuts; -Show thee a j-jay's nyest, and i-instwuct thee how -To x3 snyawe the n-nyimbwe mawmoset; I'ww b-bwing thee -To *sweats* cwust'wing fiwbewts, and sometimes I'ww get thee -Young scamews fwom the wock. Wiwt thou go *pokes you* with me? -STEPHANyO. I pwithee nyow, wead the way without any mowe -t-tawking. Twincuwo, the King and aww o-ouw company e-ewse -being dwown'd, we wiww inhewit hewe. *shuffles closer* Hewe, beaw my bottwe. -Fewwow Twincuwo, we'ww fiww him ^w^ by and ^w^ by again. -CAWIBAN. [Sings dwunkenwy] Faweweww, mastew; faweweww, -faweweww! ->_< TWINCUWO. A howwing monstew; a dwunken ^-^ monstew! -CAWIBAN. Nyo mowe *moans* dams I'ww make fow *teleports behind you* fish; -N-Nyow fetch in f-fiwing -At wequiwing, -N-Nyow scwape t-twenchewing, n-nyow wash *teleports behind you* dish. -'Ban 'Ban, Ca-Cawiban, -Has a nyew mastew-Get a nyew *pokes you* man. -*cuddles you* Fweedom, high-day! ^-^ high-day, fweedom! fweedom, high- -day, fweedom! -STEPHANyO. O bwave ^-^ monstew! *shuffles closer* Wead the way. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1 - -B-Befowe PWOSPEWO'S ceww - -Entew FEWDINyAND, heawing a wog - -FEWDINyAND. *cries* Thewe be *blushes* some spowts awe painfuw, and t-theiw -wabouw -Dewight in them sets off; *blushes* some k-kinds of basenyess -Awe nyobwy undewgonye, and most poow *teleports behind you* mattews -Point to wich ends. This my *looks at you* mean task -Wouwd be as heavy to me as o-odious, xDD but -The *notices bulge* mistwess which I sewve quickens what's dead, -And makes my wabouws *leans over* pweasuwes. O, she is -Ten times mowe g-gentwe than h-hew fathew's cwabbed; -And he's compos'd of hawshnyess. I must wemove -Some thousands of these wogs, and *sweats* piwe them up, -^-^ Upon a sowe injunction; my sweet *notices bulge* mistwess -*twerks* Weeps when she sees me wowk, and says such basenyess -Had nyevew wike executow. I fowget; -But these sweet *hugs tightly* thoughts do even wefwesh my wabouws, -Most busy, *notices bulge* weast when I do it. - -Entew MIWANDA; and P-PWOSPEWO at a d-distance, unseen - -MIWANDA. A-Awas, x3 nyow; pway y-you, -Wowk nyot so hawd; I ^.^ wouwd the wightnying h-had -Buwnt up those wogs *sweats* that you awe enjoin'd to piwe. -Pway, set *moans* it down and west you; when this b-buwns, -uWu 'Twiww weep fow having *pokes you* weawied you. My fathew -*looks at you* Is hawd at study; pway, nyow, west youwsewf; -He's safe fow these thwee houws. -FEWDINyAND. O most deaw mistwess, -The *moans* sun wiww set befowe I shaww dischawge -What I must stwive to do. -MIWANDA. If y-you'ww sit *giggles shyly* down, -I'ww beaw youw wogs the whiwe; pway give me that; -I'ww cawwy *moans* it to the piwe. -FEWDINyAND. N-Nyo, p-pwecious *cuddles you* cweatuwe; -I h-had wathew cwack my sinyews, bweak my back, -*notices bulge* Than you shouwd such dishonyouw *sighs* undewgo, -Whiwe I sit wazy b-by. -MIWANDA. It ^.^ wouwd become me -As weww as *moans* it does you; and I shouwd do *moans* it -With much mowe ease; fow my good wiww is to it, -And youws *moans* it is against. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] Poow wowm, thou awt infected! -This visitation shows it. -MIWANDA. Y-You wook weawiwy. -FEWDINyAND. N-Nyo, nyobwe mistwess; 'tis fwesh mownying *pokes you* with me -When you awe ^w^ by at nyight. I do beseech y-you, -Chiefwy *sweats* that I might set *moans* it in my pwayews, -What is youw n-nyame? -MIWANDA. Miwanda-O my fathew, -I have b-bwoke youw hest to say so! -FEWDINyAND. A-Admiw'd Miwanda! -What's deawest to the w-wowwd! Fuww many a wady -I have ey'd *pokes you* with best wegawd; and many a time -Th' hawmony of t-theiw tongues hath into bondage -B-Bwought my too *moans* diwigent eaw; fow sevewaw viwtues -Have I wik'd sevewaw women, nyevew any -With so fuww souw, xDD but *blushes* some ;;w;; defect in h-hew -*sweats* Did quawwew *pokes you* with the nyobwest gwace she ow'd, -And p-put *moans* it to the foiw; xDD but y-you, O y-you, -So pewfect and so peewwess, awe cweated -Of evewy c-cweatuwe's best! -MIWANDA. I do nyot knyow -Onye of my sex; nyo woman's *cuddles you* face *shuffles closer* wemembew, -Save, fwom my gwass, minye own; n-nyow have I :33 seen -Mowe *sweats* that I may *giggles shyly* caww men than y-you, good f-fwiend, -And my deaw fathew. H-How ;;w;; featuwes awe abwoad, -I am skiwwess of; but, ^w^ by my modesty, -The jewew in my dowew, I ^.^ wouwd nyot wish -Any companyion in the wowwd xDD but you; -N-Nyow can uWu imaginyation *sighs* fowm a shape, -Besides youwsewf, to wike of. But I pwattwe ->_> Something too wiwdwy, and my fathew's pwecepts -I thewein do *cuddles you* fowget. -FEWDINyAND. I am, in my condition, -A pwince, Miwanda; I do think, a *moans* king- -I ^.^ wouwd nyot s-so!-and ^.^ wouwd nyo mowe e-enduwe -This wooden swavewy than to suffew -The fwesh-fwy bwow my m-mouth. Heaw my souw speak: -The vewy instant *sweats* that I *moans* saw y-you, did -My heawt f-fwy to youw sewvice; thewe wesides -To make me swave to it; and fow youw sake -Am I this patient wog-man. -MIWANDA. Do you wove me? -FEWDINyAND. O heaven, O eawth, beaw witnyess to this ;;w;; sound, -And cwown w-what I pwofess *pokes you* with k-kind event, -If I speak *notices bulge* twue! If howwowwy, invewt -What best is boded me to mischief! I, -*sweats* Beyond aww OwO wimit of w-what e-ewse i-i' th' wowwd, -Do wove, pwize, honyouw you. -MIWANDA. I am a foow -To weep at w-what I am gwad of. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] >_< Faiw encountew -Of xDD two most wawe affections! H-Heavens wain gwace -On *sweats* that which bweeds between 'em! -FEWDINyAND. Whewefowe weep you? -MIWANDA. At minye unwowthinyess, *sweats* that dawe nyot *teleports behind you* offew -What I desiwe to give, and much wess take -What I shaww die to w-want. But this is twifwing; -And aww the mowe *moans* it s-seeks to hide itsewf, -The biggew buwk *moans* it shows. Hence, UwU bashfuw cunnying! -And *giggles shyly* pwompt me, pwain and howy innyocence! -I am youw wife, if you wiww mawwy me; -If nyot, I'ww die youw maid. To be youw fewwow -Y-You may deny me; xDD but I'ww be youw uWu sewvant, -Whethew you wiww *blushes* ow nyo. -FEWDINyAND. My mistwess, deawest; -And I t-thus humbwe evew. -MIWANDA. My husband, then? -FEWDINyAND. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with a heawt as wiwwing -As bondage ^w^ e'ew of fweedom. H-Hewe's my hand. -MIWANDA. And minye, *pokes you* with my heawt in't. And n-nyow faweweww -Tiww h-hawf an houw hence. -FEWDINyAND. A thousand thousand! -UwU Exeunt FEWDINyAND and *blushes* MIWANDA sevewawwy -:33 PWOSPEWO. So gwad of this as they I cannyot be, -Who awe ^-^ suwpwis'd x3 withaw; xDD but my wejoicing -At nyothing can be mowe. I'ww to my book; -F-Fow yet ewe suppew time must I pewfowm -Much businyess appewtainying. Exit - - - - -SCENyE 2 - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the iswand - -Entew C-CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO - -STEPHANyO. Teww nyot me-when the b-butt is out we wiww ^-^ dwink -watew, nyot a dwop befowe; thewefowe beaw up, and boawd -'em. *giggles shyly* Sewvant-monstew, ^-^ dwink to me. ->_< TWINCUWO. Sewvant-monstew! The fowwy of this iswand! They -say thewe's xDD but five upon this iswe: we awe thwee of -them; if th' othew xDD two be bwain'd wike us, the state -*twerks* tottews. -STEPHANyO. Dwink, sewvant-monstew, when I bid thee; t-thy -eyes awe awmost set in t-thy h-head. ->_< TWINCUWO. Whewe shouwd they be set ewse? He wewe a bwave -m-monstew indeed, if they wewe set in his taiw. -STEPHANyO. My man-monstew hath *notices bulge* dwown'd his t-tongue in -sack. F-Fow my pawt, the *notices bulge* sea cannyot *hugs tightly* dwown me; I swam, ewe -I couwd wecovew the s-showe, five and thiwty weagues, off -and on. By this >w< wight, thou shawt be my wieutenyant, -monstew, *blushes* ow my standawd. ->_< TWINCUWO. Youw wieutenyant, if you *cries* wist; he's nyo standawd. -STEPHANyO. We'ww nyot ^-^ wun, ^w^ Monsieuw M-Monstew. ->_< TWINCUWO. N-Nyow go nyeithew; xDD but y-you'ww wie wike dogs, and -yet say nyothing *leans over* nyeithew. -STEPHANyO. Moon-cawf, speak once in t-thy l-wife, if thou beest -a good moon-cawf. -CAWIBAN. H-How does t-thy honyouw? Wet me wick t-thy shoe. -I'ww nyot sewve :3 him; he is nyot vawiant. ->_< TWINCUWO. *moans* Thou wiest, most ignyowant monstew: I am in *screams* case -to justwe a constabwe. W-Why, thou debosh'd fish, thou, -was thewe *giggles shyly* evew man a cowawd *sweats* that hath dwunk so much sack -as I to-day? Wiwt thou teww a monstwous >_< wie, being xDD but -h-hawf f-fish and h-hawf a monstew? -CAWIBAN. *looks away* Wo, how he *hugs tightly* mocks me! Wiwt thou wet him, my -wowd? ->_< TWINCUWO. 'Wowd' *screams* quoth he! *teleports behind you* That a m-monstew shouwd be such -a nyatuwaw! -CAWIBAN. *looks away* Wo, wo again! *pokes you* Bite him to death, I pwithee. -STEPHANyO. Twincuwo, keep a good t-tongue in youw *sighs* head; if -you *shuffles closer* pwove a mutinyeew-the nyext twee! The poow m-monstew's -my subject, and he shaww nyot suffew indignyity. -CAWIBAN. I t-thank my nyobwe l-wowd. Wiwt thou be pweas'd to -heawken once ;;w;; again to the suit I made to *moans* thee? -STEPHANyO. Mawwy wiww I; knyeew and wepeat it; I wiww stand, -and so shaww Twincuwo. - -Entew AWIEW, invisibwe - -CAWIBAN. As I towd thee befowe, I am subject to a tywant, -sowcewew, *sweats* that ^w^ by his cunnying hath cheated me of the -iswand. -AWIEW. *moans* Thou wiest. -CAWIBAN. *moans* Thou wiest, thou jesting monkey, t-thou; -I ^.^ wouwd my vawiant mastew ^.^ wouwd d-destwoy thee. -I do nyot wie. -STEPHANyO. Twincuwo, if you t-twoubwe him any mowe in's tawe, -^w^ by this hand, I wiww suppwant *blushes* some of youw *moans* teeth. ->_< TWINCUWO. W-Why, I s-said n-nyothing. -STEPHANyO. ;;w;; Mum, then, and nyo mowe. Pwoceed. -CAWIBAN. I say, ^w^ by sowcewy he got this i-iswe; -Fwom me he got it. If t-thy *notices bulge* gweatnyess wiww -Wevenge *moans* it *teleports behind you* on him-fow I knyow thou *pokes you* daw'st, -But this thing dawe nyot- -STEPHANyO. That's most cewtain. -CAWIBAN. *moans* Thou shawt be *hugs tightly* wowd of it, and I'ww sewve thee. -STEPHANyO. H-How n-nyow shaww this be compass'd? C-Canst thou -b-bwing me to the pawty? -CAWIBAN. Yea, y-yea, my wowd; I'ww y-yiewd him thee asweep, -Whewe thou m-mayst knyock a nyaiw into his h-head. -AWIEW. *moans* Thou wiest; thou ;;w;; canst nyot. -CAWIBAN. What a ^-^ pied n-nyinny's this! *moans* Thou scuwvy patch! -I do beseech t-thy *sweats* gweatnyess, give him ;;w;; bwows, -And take his bottwe fwom him. When that's g-gonye -He shaww ^-^ dwink nyought xDD but bwinye; fow I'ww nyot show him -Whewe the quick *screams* fweshes awe. -STEPHANyO. Twincuwo, wun into nyo *twerks* fuwthew dangew; intewwupt -the m-monstew onye wowd *twerks* fuwthew and, ^w^ by this hand, I'ww tuwn -my mewcy out o' doows, and make a stock-fish of thee. ->_< TWINCUWO. W-Why, w-what did I? I did n-nyothing. I'ww go fawthew -off. -STEPHANyO. D-Didst thou nyot say he wied? -AWIEW. *moans* Thou wiest. -STEPHANyO. Do I *moans* so? Take thou that. *cries* [Beats h-him] As you wike -t-this, give me the wie anyothew time. ->_< TWINCUWO. I did nyot give the wie. Out o' youw ^-^ wits and -heawing too? A p-pox o' youw bottwe! This can sack and -dwinking do. A muwwain *teleports behind you* on youw monstew, and the deviw -take youw *pokes you* fingews! -CAWIBAN. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -STEPHANyO. Nyow, *blushes* fowwawd *pokes you* with youw tawe.-Pwithee *looks at you* stand -*twerks* fuwthew off. -CAWIBAN. Beat him enyough; aftew a wittwe time, I'ww beat -him too. -STEPHANyO. Stand fawthew. Come, *looks at you* pwoceed. -CAWIBAN. W-Why, as I towd ^w^ thee, 'tis a custom *pokes you* with him -I' th' aftewnyoon to sweep; thewe thou m-mayst bwain him, -Having f-fiwst seiz'd his books; *blushes* ow *pokes you* with a wog -Battew his skuww, *blushes* ow paunch him *pokes you* with a stake, -Ow cut his wezand *pokes you* with t-thy knyife. Wemembew -Fiwst to possess his books; fow without them -He's xDD but a sot, as I am, n-nyow hath nyot -Onye spiwit to ^.^ command; they aww do hate him -As r-wootedwy as I. Buwn xDD but his books. -He has bwave utensiws-fow so he cawws *sighs* them- -Which, when he has a *notices bulge* house, he'ww deck withaw. -And *sweats* that most deepwy to considew is -The beauty of his daughtew; he himsewf -Cawws h-hew a nyonpaweiw. I nyevew *moans* saw a woman -But onwy S-Sycowax my dam and she; -But she as faw suwpasseth S-Sycowax -As gweat'st does weast. -STEPHANyO. *looks at you* Is *moans* it so bwave a wass? -CAWIBAN. :33 Ay, wowd; she wiww become t-thy bed, I wawwant, -And b-bwing thee f-fowth bwave x3 bwood. -STEPHANyO. Monstew, I wiww kiww this man; his daughtew and I -wiww be King and Queen-save o-ouw Gwaces!-and Twincuwo -and thysewf shaww be vicewoys. Dost thou wike the pwot, -Twincuwo? ->_< TWINCUWO. ^w^ Excewwent. -STEPHANyO. Give me t-thy hand; I am sowwy I beat thee; xDD but -whiwe thou wiv'st, keep a good t-tongue in t-thy h-head. -CAWIBAN. Within this h-hawf houw wiww he be asweep. -Wiwt thou d-destwoy him then? -STEPHANyO. :33 Ay, *teleports behind you* on minye >_> honyouw. -AWIEW. This wiww I teww my :33 mastew. -CAWIBAN. *moans* Thou mak'st me mewwy; I am fuww of pweasuwe. -Wet us be jocund; wiww you twoww the c-catch -Y-You taught me xDD but whiwe-ewe? -STEPHANyO. At t-thy wequest, monstew, I wiww do weason, any -r-weason. Come on, Twincuwo, wet us sing. [Sings] - -Fwout 'em and s-scout 'em, -And s-scout 'em and *leans over* fwout '-'em; -T-Thought is fwee. - -CAWIBAN. That's nyot the tunye. -[AWIEW pways the tunye *teleports behind you* on a tabow and pipe] -STEPHANyO. What is this same? ->_< TWINCUWO. This is the tunye of o-ouw catch, pway'd ^w^ by the -p-pictuwe of Nyobody. -STEPHANyO. If thou beest a m-man, show thysewf in t-thy -wikenyess; if thou beest a deviw, take't as thou wist. ->_< TWINCUWO. O, f-fowgive me my s-sins! -STEPHANyO. He *sweats* that dies pays aww debts. I defy thee. Mewcy -upon us! -CAWIBAN. Awt thou afeawd? -STEPHANyO. N-Nyo, monstew, nyot I. -CAWIBAN. Be nyot afeawd. The iswe is fuww of nyoises, -*twerks* Sounds, and sweet aiws, *sweats* that give dewight, and huwt nyot. -Sometimes a thousand twangwing instwuments -Wiww h-hum a-about minye eaws; and sometimes voices, -That, if I then h-had wak'd aftew wong sweep, -Wiww make me sweep again; and then, in dweaming, -The cwouds methought ^.^ wouwd open and show wiches -Weady to dwop upon me, that, when I wak'd, -I cwied to d-dweam again. -STEPHANyO. This wiww *shuffles closer* pwove a bwave kingdom to me, whewe I -shaww have my *hugs tightly* music fow n-nyothing. -CAWIBAN. When Pwospewo is destwoy'd. -STEPHANyO. *teleports behind you* That shaww be ^w^ by and by; I wemembew the stowy. ->_< TWINCUWO. The s-sound is g-going *looks away* away; wet's f-fowwow it, and -aftew do o-ouw w-wowk. -STEPHANyO. Wead, monstew; we'ww fowwow. I ^.^ wouwd I couwd see -this *teleports behind you* tabowew; he ways *moans* it on. ->_< TWINCUWO. Wiwt come? I'ww fowwow, *sighs* Stephanyo. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE 3 - -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the iswand - -Entew *blushes* AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, *giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, GONZAWO, ADWIAN, uWu FWANCISCO, and OTHEWS - -G-GONZAWO. By'w wakin, I can go nyo fuwthew, siw; -My owd b-bonyes ^w^ ache. H-Hewe's a *moans* maze t-twod, indeed, -Thwough fowth-wights and meandews! By youw patience, -I ;;w;; nyeeds must west me. -AWONSO. O-Owd wowd, I cannyot bwame ^w^ thee, -Who am m-mysewf *sweats* attach'd *pokes you* with weawinyess -To th' duwwing of my spiwits; sit down and west. -Even x3 hewe I wiww p-put off my hope, and keep *moans* it -Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew fow my fwattewew; he is *notices bulge* dwown'd -Whom t-thus we stway to find, and the *notices bulge* sea *hugs tightly* mocks -Ouw ^.^ fwustwate seawch *teleports behind you* on wand. *sighs* Weww, wet him go. -ANTONyIO. [Aside to >_< SEBASTIAN] I am wight gwad *sweats* that he's -so out of hope. -Do nyot, fow onye wepuwse, fowgo the puwpose -*teleports behind you* That you wesowv'd t' effect. -S-SEBASTIAN. [Aside to ANTONyIO] The nyext advantage -Wiww we take thwoughwy. -ANTONyIO. [Aside to >_< SEBASTIAN] Wet *moans* it be to-nyight; -Fow, n-nyow they awe oppwess'd *pokes you* with twavew, they -Wiww nyot, n-nyow cannyot, use such vigiwance -As when they awe fwesh. -S-SEBASTIAN. [Aside to ANTONyIO] I say, to-nyight; nyo mowe. - -Sowemn and stwange m-music; and P-PWOSPEWO *teleports behind you* on the -top, invisibwe. Entew sevewaw stwange S-SHAPES, -bwinging in a banquet; and dance a-about *moans* it *pokes you* with -g-gentwe a-actions of s-sawutations; and i-inviting the -KING, etc., to eat, they depawt - -AWONSO. What hawmony is *sweats* this? My good fwiends, hawk! -G-GONZAWO. M-Mawvewwous sweet music! -AWONSO. Give us k-kind keepews, heavens! What wewe these? -S-SEBASTIAN. A l-wiving dwowwewy. >_> Nyow I wiww bewieve -*teleports behind you* That thewe awe u-unyicowns; *sweats* that in Awabia -*cries* Thewe is onye ^.^ twee, the p-phoenyix' thwonye, onye p-phoenyix -At this houw weignying-thewe. -ANTONyIO. I'ww bewieve both; -And w-what does e-ewse want *sighs* cwedit, come to me, -And I'ww be swown 'tis *shuffles closer* twue; twavewwews nye'ew did >_< wie, -Though foows at h-home condemn 'em. -G-GONZAWO. If in uWu Nyapwes -I shouwd wepowt this nyow, ^.^ wouwd they bewieve me? -If I shouwd say, I *moans* saw such *sighs* iswandews, -F-Fow *leans over* cewtes these awe peopwe of the i-iswand, -Who *sighs* though they awe of monstwous shape yet, nyote, -T-Theiw m-mannyews awe mowe gentwe-kind than of -Ouw human genyewation you shaww find -^w^ Many, nyay, awmost xDD any. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] Honyest wowd, -*moans* Thou hast s-said weww; fow *blushes* some of you thewe ^.^ pwesent -Awe wowse than ;;w;; deviws. -AWONSO. I cannyot too much muse -*screams* Such shapes, such gestuwe, and such ;;w;; sound, *leans over* expwessing, -Awthough they want the use of t-tongue, a k-kind -Of excewwent dumb *looks at you* discouwse. -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] Pwaise in depawting. -FWANCISCO. They vanyish'd stwangewy. -S-SEBASTIAN. Nyo mattew, s-since -They have >w< weft t-theiw viands b-behind; fow we have stomachs. -Wiww't pwease you taste of w-what is hewe? -AWONSO. Nyot I. -G-GONZAWO. Faith, siw, you nyeed nyot *pokes you* feaw. When we wewe *cries* boys, -Who ^.^ wouwd bewieve *sweats* that thewe wewe mountainyeews, -Dewwapp'd wike buwws, :33 whose thwoats h-had hanging at 'em -Wawwets of fwesh? *blushes* ow *sweats* that thewe wewe such men -Whose :33 heads stood in t-theiw bweasts? which n-nyow we find -Each puttew-out of five fow onye wiww b-bwing us -Good wawwant of. -AWONSO. I wiww *looks at you* stand to, and feed, -Awthough my l-wast; nyo mattew, s-since I f-feew -The best is past. *twerks* Bwothew, my *hugs tightly* wowd the Duke, -Stand to, and do as we. - -Thundew and xDD wightnying. Entew AWIEW, wike a hawpy; -cwaps his wings upon the tabwe; and, *pokes you* with a quaint -d-device, the banquet vanyishes - -AWIEW. Y-You awe thwee men of sin, whom D-Destiny, -*teleports behind you* That hath to i-instwument this *cuddles you* wowew wowwd -And w-what is in't, the nyevew-suwfeited *notices bulge* sea -Hath caus'd to bewch up you; and *teleports behind you* on this iswand -Whewe man doth nyot inhabit-you 'mongst men -Being most unfit to l-wive. I have made you mad; -And even *pokes you* with such-wike vawouw men hang and *hugs tightly* dwown -T-Theiw pwopew sewves. -[AWONSO, *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN etc., dwaw t-theiw s-swowds] -Y-You foows! I and my f-fewwows -Awe minyistews of F-Fate; the *sighs* ewements -Of whom youw ^w^ swowds awe tempew'd may as weww -Wound the woud :33 winds, *blushes* ow *pokes you* with b-bemock'd-at UwU stabs -Kiww the stiww-cwosing watews, as diminyish -Onye dowwe that's in my pwume; my fewwow-minyistews -Awe wike *looks away* invuwnyewabwe. If you couwd huwt, -Youw ^w^ swowds awe n-nyow too m-massy fow youw stwengths -And wiww nyot be upwifted. But wemembew- -F-Fow that's my businyess to you-that you thwee -Fwom Miwan did suppwant good *cuddles you* Pwospewo; -Expos'd unto the sea, which hath wequit it, -H-Him, and his *blushes* innyocent chiwd; fow which f-fouw deed -The >_< pow'ws, dewaying, nyot f-fowgetting, have -Incens'd the seas and showes, y-yea, aww the cweatuwes, -Against youw *teleports behind you* peace. Thee of t-thy son, Awonso, -They have *cuddles you* beweft; and do pwonyounce ^w^ by me -Wing'wing pewdition, wowse than any death -C-Can be at o-once, shaww step ^w^ by step a-attend -Y-You and youw ways; :33 whose wwaths to guawd you f-fwom- -Which hewe, in this most ;;w;; desowate i-iswe, e-ewse fawws -^-^ Upon youw h-heads-is nyothing xDD but heawt's sowwow, -And a cweaw wife ensuing. - -He vanyishes in thundew; then, to soft *screams* music, entew -the x3 SHAPES again, and d-dance, *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* mocks and mows, -and *twerks* cawwying out the tabwe - -:33 PWOSPEWO. Bwavewy the figuwe of this ^w^ hawpy hast thou -Pewfowm'd, my Awiew; a gwace *moans* it >_> had, d-devouwing. -Of my instwuction hast thou nyothing bated -In w-what thou hadst to *notices bulge* say; so, *pokes you* with good wife -And obsewvation *sweats* stwange, my m-meanyew minyistews -T-Theiw sevewaw k-kinds have donye. My ^.^ high chawms wowk, -And these minye enyemies awe aww knyit up -In t-theiw distwactions. They n-nyow awe in my pow'w; -And in these fits I weave them, whiwe I visit -Young Fewdinyand, whom they *shuffles closer* suppose is dwown'd, -And his and minye *notices bulge* wov'd dawwing. Exit a-above -G-GONZAWO. I' th' nyame of s-something howy, siw, why *looks at you* stand you -In this stwange stawe? -AWONSO. O, *moans* it is monstwous, monstwous! -Methought the biwwows spoke, and towd me of it; -The w-winds did sing *moans* it to me; and the thundew, -*teleports behind you* That deep and dweadfuw owgan-pipe, pwonyounc'd -The nyame of Pwospew; *moans* it did bass my t-twespass. -Thewefowe my son i-i' th' *sighs* ooze is bedded; and -I'ww seek him deepew than ^w^ e'ew pwummet sounded, -And *pokes you* with him thewe wie mudded. Exit -S-SEBASTIAN. But onye fiend at a time, -I'ww fight t-theiw l-wegions o'ew. -ANTONyIO. I'ww be t-thy second. UwU Exeunt *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO -G-GONZAWO. Aww thwee of them awe d-despewate; t-theiw gweat guiwt, -Wike p-poison given to wowk a gweat time aftew, ->_> Nyow ^w^ gins to *sighs* bite the s-spiwits. I do beseech y-you, -*teleports behind you* That awe of suppwew :3 joints, f-fowwow them s-swiftwy, -And hindew them fwom w-what this ecstasy -May n-nyow pwovoke them to. -ADWIAN. Fowwow, I pway you. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1 - -B-Befowe PWOSPEWO'S ceww - -Entew xDD PWOSPEWO, FEWDINyAND, and *blushes* MIWANDA - -:33 PWOSPEWO. If I have too austewewy punyish'd y-you, -Youw compensation makes amends; fow -Have given you x3 hewe a thiwd of minye own l-wife, -Ow *sweats* that fow which I wive; w-who once ;;w;; again -I tendew to t-thy hand. Aww t-thy ^.^ vexations -Wewe xDD but my twiaws of t-thy wove, and thou -Hast s-stwangewy stood the test; hewe, afowe heaven, -I watify this my wich gift. O Fewdinyand! -Do nyot smiwe at me *sweats* that I boast h-hew off, -F-Fow thou shawt find she wiww outstwip aww pwaise, -And make *moans* it h-hawt UwU behind hew. -FEWDINyAND. I do bewieve *moans* it -Against an o-owacwe. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Then, as my gift, and thinye own acquisition -Wowt'hiwy puwchas'd, take my daughtew. But -If thou dost bweak h-hew *cries* viwgin-knyot befowe -Aww sanctimonyious cewemonyies may -With fuww and howy *pokes you* wite be minyist'wed, -Nyo sweet aspewsion shaww the *leans over* heavens wet faww -To make this c-contwact gwow; xDD but bawwen hate, -Souw-ey'd disdain, and d-discowd, shaww bestwew -The unyion of youw b-bed *pokes you* with weeds so xDD woathwy -*teleports behind you* That you shaww hate *moans* it both. Thewefowe take heed, -As Hymen's wamps shaww wight you. -FEWDINyAND. As I hope -F-Fow quiet *screams* days, *looks at you* faiw issue, and wong l-wife, -With such wove as 'tis nyow, the muwkiest den, -The most >w< oppowtunye pwace, the stwong'st suggestion -Ouw wowsew *looks at you* genyius can, shaww nyevew mewt -M-Minye honyouw into wust, to take away -The edge of *sweats* that day's cewebwation, -When I shaww think *blushes* ow Phoebus' steeds awe foundew'd -Ow Nyight kept chain'd bewow. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Faiwwy spoke. -Sit, then, and tawk *pokes you* with hew; she is thinye own. -What, Awiew! my industwious uWu sewvant, Awiew! - -Entew AWIEW - -AWIEW. What ^.^ wouwd my potent mastew? Hewe I am. -:33 PWOSPEWO. *moans* Thou and t-thy m-meanyew f-fewwows youw wast sewvice -*sweats* Did wowthiwy pewfowm; and I must use you -In such anyothew twick. Go b-bwing the wabbwe, -O'ew whom I give thee pow'w, x3 hewe to this pwace. -;;w;; Incite them to quick motion; fow I must -Bestow upon the eyes of this young c-coupwe -Some vanyity of minye awt; *moans* it is my pwomise, -And they UwU expect *moans* it fwom me. -AWIEW. Pwesentwy? -:33 PWOSPEWO. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with a t-twink. -AWIEW. B-Befowe you can say 'come' and '-'go,' -And bweathe t-twice, and cwy 'so, so,' -Each ^.^ onye, twipping *teleports behind you* on his toe, -Wiww be x3 hewe *pokes you* with :33 mop and mow. -Do you wove me, mastew? Nyo? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Deawwy, my dewicate Awiew. Do nyot appwoach -Tiww thou dost heaw me caww. -AWIEW. Weww! I conceive. Exit -:33 PWOSPEWO. Wook thou be *shuffles closer* twue; do nyot give dawwiance -Too much the wein; the stwongest *twerks* oaths awe stwaw -To th' fiwe i-i' th' bwood. Be mowe abstemious, -Ow e-ewse good nyight youw v-vow! -FEWDINyAND. I wawwant y-you, siw, -The *looks away* white cowd viwgin snyow upon my heawt -Abates the x3 awdouw of my wivew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Weww! ->_> Nyow come, my Awiew, b-bwing a cowowwawy, -Wathew than want a *sighs* spiwit; appeaw, and pewtwy. -Nyo tongue! Aww *screams* eyes! Be siwent. [Soft music] - -Entew IWIS - -IWIS. Cewes, most bounteous wady, t-thy wich *looks at you* weas -Of wheat, wye, *moans* bawwey, vetches, *blushes* oats, and pease; -Thy tuwfy mountains, whewe wive n-nyibbwing sheep, -And fwat meads thatch'd *pokes you* with stovew, them to keep; -Thy b-banks *pokes you* with pionyed and twiwwed bwims, -Which s-spongy Apwiw at t-thy hest betwims, -To make cowd nymphs chaste cwowns; and t-thy bwoom gwoves, -Whose *pokes you* shadow the dismissed b-bachewow woves, -Being wass-wown; t-thy powe-cwipt vinyeyawd; -And t-thy sea-mawge, stewiwe and wocky hawd, -Whewe thou thysewf dost a-aiw-the Queen o' th' sky, -Whose wat'wy awch and m-messengew am I, -uWu Bids thee weave these; and *pokes you* with h-hew soveweign gwace, -Hewe *teleports behind you* on this >w< gwass-pwot, in this vewy pwace, -To come and spowt. Hew peacocks f-fwy amain. -[JUNyO descends in h-hew caw] -A-Appwoach, wich Cewes, h-hew to entewtain. - -Entew CEWES - -CEWES. *blushes* Haiw, many-cowouwed m-messengew, *sweats* that nye'ew -Dost disobey the wife of Jupitew; -*leans over* Who, *pokes you* with t-thy ;;w;; saffwon wings, upon my fwow'ws -Diffusest honyey ^.^ dwops, r-wefweshing *sweats* show'ws; -And *pokes you* with each end of t-thy >_> bwue bow dost cwown -My bosky acwes and my unshwubb'd *giggles shyly* down, -Wich scawf to my pwoud eawth-why hath t-thy Queen -Summon'd me hithew to this *cries* showt-gwass'd ^-^ gween? -IWIS. A c-contwact of twue wove to cewebwate, -And *blushes* some donyation fweewy to estate -On the bwest wovews. -CEWES. Teww me, heavenwy b-bow, -If V-Venyus *blushes* ow h-hew son, as thou dost knyow, -Do n-nyow a-attend the Queen? Since they did pwot -The means *sweats* that dusky *shuffles closer* Dis my daughtew g-got, -Hew and h-hew bwind boy's scandaw'd company -I have fowswown. -IWIS. Of h-hew society -Be nyot *looks at you* afwaid. I m-met h-hew D-Deity -Cutting the cwouds towawds Paphos, and h-hew son -Dove-dwawn *pokes you* with hew. Hewe thought they to have donye -Some wanton chawm upon this man and maid, -Whose vows awe *sweats* that nyo b-bed-wite shaww be paid -Tiww Hymen's towch be wighted; xDD but in vain. -Maws's hot >_> minyion is r-wetuwn'd again; -Hew waspish-headed son has b-bwoke his awwows, -Sweaws he wiww shoot nyo mowe, xDD but pway *pokes you* with spawwows, -And be a *cries* boy wight ^w^ out. [JUNyO a-awights] -CEWES. Highest Queen of State, -G-Gweat OwO Junyo, comes; I knyow h-hew ^w^ by h-hew gait. -JUNyO. H-How does my bounteous sistew? Go *pokes you* with me -To bwess this t-twain, *sweats* that they may pwospewous be, -And honyouw'd in t-theiw uWu issue. [They sing] -JUNyO. Honyouw, wiches, mawwiage-bwessing, -L-Wong continyuance, and incweasing, -Houwwy j-joys be stiww upon y-you! -Junyo sings h-hew bwessings *teleports behind you* on you. -CEWES. Eawth's i-incwease, f-foison pwenty, -Bawns and gamews nyevew empty; -Vinyes *pokes you* with *sweats* cwust'wing bunches g-gwowing, -Pwants *pokes you* with g-goodwy b-buwden bowing; -Spwing come to you at the fawthest, -In the vewy end of hawvest! -S-Scawcity and want shaww shun y-you, -Cewes' bwessing so is *teleports behind you* on you. -FEWDINyAND. This is a most majestic vision, and -Hawmonyious chawmingwy. May I be bowd -To think these spiwits? -:33 PWOSPEWO. S-Spiwits, which ^w^ by minye awt -I have fwom t-theiw confinyes c-caww'd to enyact -My ^.^ pwesent fancies. -FEWDINyAND. Wet me wive x3 hewe evew; -So wawe a wond'wed fathew and a w-wise -Makes this pwace Pawadise. -[JUNyO and CEWES whispew, and send IWIS *teleports behind you* on empwoyment] -:33 PWOSPEWO. Sweet nyow, siwence; -Junyo and >_< Cewes whispew sewiouswy. ->_> Thewe's s-something e-ewse to do; hush, and be mute, -Ow e-ewse o-ouw speww is maww'd. -IWIS. Y-You *sighs* nymphs, c-caww'd Nyaiads, of the wind'wing bwooks, -With youw sedg'd cwowns and *giggles shyly* evew hawmwess >_> wooks, -L-Weave youw cwisp channyews, and *teleports behind you* on this gween wand -Answew youw s-summons; Junyo does *sweats* command. -Come, tempewate *sighs* nymphs, and hewp to cewebwate -A c-contwact of twue wove; be nyot too wate. - -Entew cewtain NYMPHS - -Y-You sun-buwnt sickwemen, of August *cries* weawy, -Come hithew fwom the fuwwow, and be mewwy; -Make howiday; youw *twerks* wye-stwaw hats p-put on, -And these fwesh nymphs encountew evewy onye -In *looks at you* countwy f-footing. - -Entew cewtain WEAPEWS, pwopewwy h-habited; they join -*pokes you* with the NYMPHS in a uWu gwacefuw dance; towawds the -end wheweof P-PWOSPEWO stawts suddenwy, and speaks, -aftew which, to a *sweats* stwange, howwow, and confused -n-nyoise, they heaviwy >w< vanyish - -:33 PWOSPEWO. OwO [Aside] I h-had fowgot *sweats* that f-fouw conspiwacy -Of the beast Cawiban and his confedewates -Against my wife; the minyute of t-theiw pwot -*looks at you* Is awmost come. [To the SPIWITS] Weww d-donye; avoid; nyo -mowe! -FEWDINyAND. This is stwange; youw fathew's in *blushes* some passion -*teleports behind you* That wowks him stwongwy. -MIWANDA. Nyevew tiww this day -Saw I him t-touch'd *pokes you* with angew so ^-^ distempew'd. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Y-You do wook, my son, in a mov'd sowt, -As if you wewe *shuffles closer* dismay'd; be *hugs tightly* cheewfuw, siw. -Ouw wevews n-nyow awe ended. These o-ouw actows, -As I fowetowd y-you, wewe aww spiwits, and -Awe *screams* mewted into aiw, into uWu thin aiw; -And, wike the basewess fabwic of this vision, -The cwoud-capp'd towews, the gowgeous pawaces, -The *hugs tightly* sowemn tempwes, the gweat uWu gwobe itsewf, -Yea, aww which *moans* it i-inhewit, shaww *moans* dissowve, -And, wike this i-insubstantiaw pageant f-faded, -L-Weave nyot a OwO wack *blushes* behind. We awe such s-stuff -As dweams awe made on; and o-ouw wittwe wife -*looks at you* Is wounded *pokes you* with a s-sweep. Siw, I am vex'd; -*looks at you* Beaw *pokes you* with my weaknyess; my owd bwain is twoubwed; -Be nyot distuwb'd *pokes you* with my infiwmity. -If you be pweas'd, wetiwe into my ceww -And thewe wepose; a tuwn *blushes* ow xDD two I'ww wawk -To stiww my beating mind. -FEWDINyAND, MIWANDA. We wish youw *teleports behind you* peace. UwU Exeunt -:33 PWOSPEWO. Come, *pokes you* with a thought. I t-thank ^w^ thee, Awiew; come. - -Entew AWIEW - -AWIEW. Thy *hugs tightly* thoughts I cweave to. What's t-thy pweasuwe? -:33 PWOSPEWO. S-Spiwit, -We must p-pwepawe to meet *pokes you* with C-Cawiban. -AWIEW. :33 Ay, my commandew. When I pwesented '-'Cewes.' -I thought to have towd thee of it; xDD but I feaw'd -West I might angew thee. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Say again, whewe didst thou weave these vawwets? -AWIEW. I towd y-you, siw, they wewe wed-hot *pokes you* with dwinking; -So fuww of vawouw *sweats* that they smote the a-aiw -F-Fow bweathing in t-theiw faces; beat the gwound -F-Fow *sweats* kissing of t-theiw feet; yet awways bending -Towawds t-theiw pwoject. T-Then I beat my tabow, -At which wike unback'd cowts they pwick'd t-theiw :3 eaws, -A-Advanc'd t-theiw eyewids, wifted up t-theiw nyoses -As they smewt m-music; so I chawm'd t-theiw caws, -*teleports behind you* That cawf-wike they my ;;w;; wowing fowwow'd uWu thwough -Tooth'd bwiews, shawp fuwzes, pwicking goss, and t-thowns, -Which e-ent'wed t-theiw f-fwaiw shins. At wast I >w< weft them -I' th' fiwthy mantwed poow beyond youw ceww, -*cries* Thewe dancing up to th' ^w^ chins, *sweats* that the f-fouw wake -O-O'ewstunk t-theiw feet. -:33 PWOSPEWO. This was weww donye, my biwd. -Thy shape invisibwe wetain thou stiww. -The twumpewy in my *notices bulge* house, go b-bwing *moans* it hithew -F-Fow stawe to c-catch these thieves. -AWIEW. I *screams* go, I go. Exit -:33 PWOSPEWO. A deviw, a bown deviw, *teleports behind you* on :33 whose nyatuwe -Nyuwtuwe can nyevew stick; *teleports behind you* on whom my pains, -Humanyewy taken, a-aww, aww l-wost, q-quite wost; -And as *pokes you* with age his body ugwiew gwows, -So his mind c-cankews. I wiww pwague them a-aww, -Even to woawing. - -We-entew AWIEW, woaden *pokes you* with gwistewing appawew, *teleports behind you* &c. - -Come, hang them *teleports behind you* on this winye. -[PWOSPEWO and AWIEW wemain, invisibwe] - -Entew C-CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO, aww wet - -CAWIBAN. *twerks* Pway y-you, twead softwy, *sweats* that the bwind mowe may nyot -Heaw a f-foot faww; we n-nyow awe nyeaw his ceww. -STEPHANyO. Monstew, youw ^.^ faiwy, which you say is a hawmwess -^.^ faiwy, has donye wittwe bettew than pway'd the Jack *pokes you* with us. ->_< TWINCUWO. Monstew, I do smeww aww howse-piss at which my -nyose is in gweat indignyation. -STEPHANyO. So is minye. Do you heaw, monstew? If I shouwd -take a dispweasuwe against y-you, wook you- ->_< TWINCUWO. *moans* Thou wewt xDD but a wost monstew. -CAWIBAN. Good my wowd, give me t-thy favouw stiww. -Be patient, fow the pwize I'ww b-bwing thee to -Shaww hoodwink this mischance; thewefowe speak softwy. -Aww's *leans over* hush'd as midnyight yet. ->_< TWINCUWO. :33 Ay, xDD but to wose o-ouw ;;w;; bottwes in the >_> poow! -STEPHANyO. *cries* Thewe is nyot onwy *looks away* disgwace and dishonyouw in -that, monstew, xDD but an infinyite *shuffles closer* woss. ->_< TWINCUWO. That's mowe to me than my wetting; yet this is -youw hawmwess ^.^ faiwy, monstew. -STEPHANyO. I wiww fetch off my bottwe, *sighs* though I be o'ew -eaws fow my wabouw. -CAWIBAN. Pwithee, my king, be quiet. *blushes* Seest thou hewe, -This is the mouth o' th' ceww; nyo n-nyoise, and entew. -Do *sweats* that good mischief which may make this iswand -^w^ Thinye own fow *looks away* evew, and I, t-thy Cawiban, -F-Fow aye t-thy foot-wickew. -STEPHANyO. Give me t-thy hand. I do begin to have bwoody -thoughts. ->_< TWINCUWO. O King S-Stephanyo! O peew! O wowthy S-Stephanyo! -Wook w-what a wawdwobe x3 hewe is fow thee! -CAWIBAN. Wet *moans* it *sweats* awonye, thou foow; *moans* it is xDD but twash. ->_< TWINCUWO. O, ho, monstew; we knyow w-what bewongs to a -fwippewy. O King S-Stephanyo! -STEPHANyO. *looks at you* Put off *sweats* that >_> gown, Twincuwo; ^w^ by this hand, I'ww -have *sweats* that gown. ->_< TWINCUWO. Thy Gwace shaww have it. -CAWIBAN. The d-dwopsy *hugs tightly* dwown this f-foow! What do you *looks at you* mean -To dote t-thus *teleports behind you* on such wuggage? Wet 't *sweats* awonye, -And do the muwdew fiwst. If he awake, -Fwom toe to cwown he'ww fiww o-ouw skins *pokes you* with pinches; -Make us stwange stuff. -STEPHANyO. Be you quiet, monstew. Mistwess winye, is nyot -this my j-jewkin? >_> Nyow is the jewkin undew the winye; nyow, -jewkin, you awe wike to wose youw haiw, and *shuffles closer* pwove a bawd -^-^ jewkin. ->_< TWINCUWO. Do, do. We s-steaw ^w^ by xDD winye and wevew, an't wike -youw Gwace. -STEPHANyO. I t-thank thee fow *sweats* that *leans over* jest; hewe's a gawment -fow't. W-Wit shaww nyot go unwewawded whiwe I am king of -this c-countwy. 'Steaw ^w^ by xDD winye and :3 wevew' is an excewwent -pass of ;;w;; pate; thewe's anyothew *sighs* gawmet fow't. ->_< TWINCUWO. Monstew, come, p-put *blushes* some wime upon youw *shuffles closer* fingews, -and away *pokes you* with the west. -CAWIBAN. I wiww have nyonye on't. We shaww wose o-ouw time, -And aww be tuwn'd to bawnyacwes, *blushes* ow to apes -With foweheads *moans* viwwainyous wow. -STEPHANyO. Monstew, way-to youw fingews; hewp to beaw this -away whewe my hogshead of winye *screams* is, *blushes* ow I'ww tuwn you out -of my *sweats* kingdom. Go to, cawwy this. ->_< TWINCUWO. And this. -STEPHANyO. :33 Ay, and this. - -A nyoise of huntews beawd. Entew divews SPIWITS, in -shape of dogs and hounds, bunting them about; -P-PWOSPEWO and AWIEW >_> setting them *teleports behind you* on - -:33 PWOSPEWO. >_< Hey, Mountain, UwU hey! -AWIEW. *notices bulge* Siwvew! thewe *moans* it goes, *notices bulge* Siwvew! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Fuwy, Fuwy! Thewe, Tywant, thewe! Hawk, hawk! -[CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO awe dwiven o-out] -Go chawge my gobwins *sweats* that they g-gwind t-theiw joints -With dwy c-convuwsions, showten up t-theiw sinyews -With aged cwamps, and mowe pinch-spotted make them -*notices bulge* Than pawd *blushes* ow ;;w;; cat o' *screams* mountain. -AWIEW. Hawk, they woaw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Wet them be *sweats* hunted *notices bulge* soundwy. At this houw -*blushes* Wies at my mewcy aww minye enyemies. -Showtwy shaww aww my wabouws end, and thou -Shawt have the a-aiw at *leans over* fweedom; fow a wittwe -Fowwow, and do me sewvice. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1 - -B-Befowe PWOSPEWO'S ceww - -Entew P-PWOSPEWO in his magic wobes, and AWIEW - -:33 PWOSPEWO. >_> Nyow does my pwoject gathew to a *sighs* head; -My chawms cwack nyot, my spiwits obey; and time -Goes upwight *pokes you* with his ;;w;; cawwiage. How's the day? -AWIEW. On the *cuddles you* sixth *cuddles you* houw; at which time, my wowd, -Y-You s-said o-ouw wowk shouwd cease. -:33 PWOSPEWO. I did say so, -When f-fiwst I wais'd the tempest. Say, my spiwit, -H-How fawes the King and 's fowwowews? -AWIEW. Confin'd togethew -In the same fashion as you gave in chawge; -Just as you >w< weft them; aww pwisonyews, siw, -In the winye-gwove which weathew-fends youw ceww; -They cannyot budge tiww youw wewease. The King, -His bwothew, and youws, abide aww thwee distwacted, -And the wemaindew *sweats* mouwnying ovew them, -Bwim fuww of sowwow and >w< dismay; xDD but *shuffles closer* chiefwy -Him you tewm'd, siw, '-'the good owd wowd, Gonzawo'; -His teaws wun down his beawd, wike *shuffles closer* wintew's *sighs* dwops -Fwom *teleports behind you* eaves of r-weeds. Youw chawm so *shuffles closer* stwongwy wowks 'em -*teleports behind you* That if you n-nyow *giggles shyly* behewd them youw affections -Wouwd become t-tendew. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Dost thou think so, spiwit? -AWIEW. M-Minye wouwd, siw, wewe I human. -:33 PWOSPEWO. And minye shaww. -Hast thou, which awt xDD but aiw, a *sighs* touch, a f-feewing -Of t-theiw affwictions, and shaww nyot *twerks* mysewf, -Onye of t-theiw kind, *sweats* that wewish aww as *hugs tightly* shawpwy, -Passion as they, be kindwiew mov'd than thou awt? -Though *pokes you* with t-theiw ^.^ high wwongs I am stwuck to th' quick, -Y-Yet *pokes you* with my nyobwew weason 'gainst my fuwy -Do I take pawt; the wawew action is -In *hugs tightly* viwtue than in vengeance; they being penyitent, -The sowe d-dwift of my puwpose doth extend -Nyot a f-fwown fuwthew. Go wewease them, Awiew; -My chawms I'ww >w< bweak, t-theiw senses I'ww westowe, -And they shaww be themsewves. -AWIEW. I'ww fetch them, siw. Exit -:33 PWOSPEWO. Ye ewves of hiwws, bwooks, >_< standing wakes, and -gwoves; -And ye *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on the sands *pokes you* with *looks away* pwintwess f-foot -Do c-chase the ebbing Nyeptunye, and do f-fwy him -When he c-comes back; you d-demi-puppets *sweats* that -By moonshinye do the gween *teleports behind you* souw wingwets m-make, -Wheweof the ewe nyot bites; and you :33 whose UwU pastime -*looks at you* Is to make midnyight mushwooms, *sweats* that wejoice -To heaw the *hugs tightly* sowemn cuwfew; ^w^ by :33 whose a-aid- -*cuddles you* Weak mastews *sighs* though ye be-I have b-be-dimm'd -The nyoontide sun, c-caww'd f-fowth the mutinyous :33 winds, -And 'twixt the gween *notices bulge* sea and the *giggles shyly* azuw'd vauwt -Set r-woawing waw. To the xDD dwead wattwing thundew -Have I given fiwe, and wifted Jove's stout oak -With his own *blushes* bowt; the stwong-bas'd pwomontowy -Have I made x3 shake, and ^w^ by the spuws UwU pwuck'd up -The p-pinye and cedaw. Gwaves at my command -Have wak'd t-theiw *sweats* sweepews, op'd, and wet 'em fowth, -By my so potent awt. But this wough magic -I x3 hewe UwU abjuwe; and, when I have :3 wequiw'd -Some heavenwy music-which even n-nyow I do- -To wowk minye end upon t-theiw senses *sweats* that -This aiwy chawm is *notices bulge* fow, I'ww bweak my staff, -Buwy *moans* it cewtain f-fathoms in the eawth, -And deepew than did *giggles shyly* evew pwummet s-sound -I'ww *hugs tightly* dwown my book. :3 [Sowem music] - -Hewe e-entews AWIEW befowe; then *blushes* AWONSO, *pokes you* with -fwantic gestuwe, *looks away* attended ^w^ by GONZAWO; *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN -and ANTONyIO in wike mannyew, *looks away* attended ^w^ by *hugs tightly* ADWIAN -and FWANCISCO. They aww entew the ciwcwe which -P-PWOSPEWO h-had made, and thewe *looks at you* stand chawm'd; which -P-PWOSPEWO o-obsewving, speaks - -A *hugs tightly* sowemn aiw, and the best comfowtew -To an unsettwed *looks away* fancy, *notices bulge* cuwe t-thy bwains, ->_> Nyow usewess, boiw'd within t-thy skuww! *cries* Thewe stand, -F-Fow you awe speww-stopp'd. -Howy :3 Gonzawo, honyouwabwe m-man, -M-Minye e-eyes, >w< ev'n OwO sociabwe to the show of thinye, -xDD Faww fewwowwy dwops. The chawm dissowves apace, -And as the mownying steaws upon the nyight, -Mewting the dawknyess, so t-theiw wising senses -Begin to c-chase the ignyowant :3 fumes *sweats* that mantwe -T-Theiw cweawew r-weason. O good :3 Gonzawo, -My twue pwesewvew, and a woyaw siw -To him thou fowwow'st! I wiww p-pay t-thy *teleports behind you* gwaces -H-Home b-both in wowd and deed. Most uWu cwuewwy -D-Didst thou, Awonso, use me and my daughtew; -Thy b-bwothew was a fuwthewew in the act. -*moans* Thou awt pinch'd fow't nyow, :3 Sebastian. Fwesh and b-bwood, -You, b-bwothew minye, *sweats* that entewtain'd ambition, -Expeww'd wemowse and nyatuwe, who, *pokes you* with Sebastian- -Whose i-inwawd pinches thewefowe awe most stwong- -Wouwd x3 hewe have kiww'd youw king, I do f-fowgive ^w^ thee, -Unnyatuwaw *sighs* though thou awt. T-Theiw undewstanding -Begins to sweww, and the appwoaching tide -Wiww showtwy fiww the r-weasonyabwe showe -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow wies f-fouw and muddy. Nyot onye of them -*teleports behind you* That yet wooks *teleports behind you* on me, *blushes* ow ^.^ wouwd knyow me. Awiew, -Fetch me the hat and wapiew in my ceww; Exit AWIEW -I wiww discase me, and m-mysewf ^.^ pwesent -As I was sometime Miwan. Quickwy, spiwit -*moans* Thou shawt ewe wong be fwee. - -AWIEW, *teleports behind you* on wetuwnying, sings and hewps to attiwe him - -Whewe the bee sucks, thewe s-suck I; -In a cowswip's b-beww I wie; -*cries* Thewe I couch when owws do cwy. -On the bat's back I do f-fwy -Aftew s-summew mewwiwy. -Mewwiwy, mewwiwy shaww I wive n-nyow -Undew the bwossom *sweats* that >_> hangs *teleports behind you* on the bough. - -:33 PWOSPEWO. W-Why, that's my dainty Awiew! I shaww miss thee; -But yet thou shawt have fweedom. >_> So, so, so. -To the K-King's ship, invisibwe as thou awt; -*cries* Thewe shawt thou find the mawinyews asweep -Undew the hatches; the mastew and the boatswain -Being awake, enfowce them to this pwace; -And pwesentwy, I pwithee. -AWIEW. I ^-^ dwink the a-aiw befowe me, and r-wetuwn -Ow ewe youw puwse t-twice beat. Exit -G-GONZAWO. Aww towment, t-twoubwe, wondew and amazement, -Inhabits hewe. Some heavenwy *cries* powew guide us -Out of this f-feawfuw *shuffles closer* countwy! -:33 PWOSPEWO. >_> Behowd, Siw King, -The wwonged D-Duke of Miwan, Pwospewo. -F-Fow mowe *sweats* assuwance *sweats* that a l-wiving pwince -D-Does n-nyow speak to ^w^ thee, I embwace t-thy b-body; -And to thee and t-thy company I bid -A heawty wewcome. -AWONSO. *blushes* Whe'ew thou be'st he *blushes* ow nyo, -Ow *blushes* some enchanted twifwe to abuse me, -As *looks away* wate I have been, I nyot knyow. Thy puwse -Beats, as of UwU fwesh and bwood; and, s-since I *moans* saw ^w^ thee, -Th' uWu affwiction of my mind amends, *pokes you* with which, -I feaw, a madnyess hewd me. This must cwave- -*looks at you* An if this be at aww-a most stwange stowy. -Thy d-dukedom I wesign, and do entweat -*moans* Thou pawdon me my wwongs. But how shouwd Pwospewo -Be l-wiving and be hewe? -:33 PWOSPEWO. Fiwst, nyobwe f-fwiend, -Wet me embwace thinye a-age, :33 whose honyouw cannyot -Be measuw'd *blushes* ow confin'd. -G-GONZAWO. Whethew this be -Ow be nyot, I'ww nyot sweaw. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Y-You do yet taste -Some subtweties o' th' i-iswe, *sweats* that wiww nyot wet you -Bewieve things cewtain. Wewcome, my fwiends a-aww! -[Aside to *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO] But y-you, my b-bwace of -wowds, wewe I so minded, -I x3 hewe couwd pwuck his Highnyess' f-fwown upon y-you, -And justify you t-twaitows; at this time -I wiww teww nyo *notices bulge* tawes. -S-SEBASTIAN. OwO [Aside] The deviw speaks in him. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Nyo. -F-Fow y-you, most wicked siw, whom to *giggles shyly* caww b-bwothew -Wouwd even infect my m-mouth, I do f-fowgive -Thy x3 wankest fauwt-aww of them; and wequiwe -My d-dukedom of ^w^ thee, which pewfowce I knyow -*moans* Thou must westowe. -AWONSO. If thou beest Pwospewo, -Give us *cries* pawticuwaws of t-thy p-pwesewvation; -H-How thou hast m-met us hewe, whom thwee houws s-since -Wewe wweck'd upon this s-showe; whewe I have wost- -H-How shawp the point of this wemembwance is!- -My deaw son F-Fewdinyand. -:33 PWOSPEWO. I am woe fow't, siw. -AWONSO. Iwwepawabwe is the woss; and p-patience -uWu Says *moans* it is past h-hew *sweats* cuwe. -:33 PWOSPEWO. I wathew think -Y-You have nyot sought h-hew hewp, of :33 whose soft gwace -F-Fow the wike woss I have h-hew soveweign aid, -And west m-mysewf content. -AWONSO. Y-You the wike woss! -:33 PWOSPEWO. As gweat to me as wate; and, suppowtabwe -To make the deaw woss, have I means much weakew -*notices bulge* Than you may *giggles shyly* caww to comfowt y-you, fow I -Have wost my daughtew. -AWONSO. A daughtew! -O *hugs tightly* heavens, *sweats* that they wewe l-wiving b-both in Nyapwes, -The King and Queen thewe! *teleports behind you* That they wewe, I wish -Mysewf wewe m-mudded in *sweats* that oozy b-bed -Whewe my son wies. When did you wose youw daughtew? -:33 PWOSPEWO. In this wast tempest. I p-pewceive these l-wowds -At this encountew do so much admiwe -*teleports behind you* That they devouw t-theiw weason, and x3 scawce think -T-Theiw eyes do *leans over* offices of twuth, t-theiw wowds -Awe n-nyatuwaw *notices bulge* bweath; but, howsoe'ew you have -Been justwed fwom youw s-senses, knyow fow cewtain -*teleports behind you* That I am Pwospewo, and *sweats* that vewy duke -Which was thwust f-fowth of Miwan; w-who most s-stwangewy -^-^ Upon this s-showe, whewe you wewe w-wwecked, was l-wanded -To be the *hugs tightly* wowd on't. Nyo mowe yet of this; -F-Fow 'tis a chwonyicwe of day ^w^ by day, -Nyot a wewation fow a bweakfast, n-nyow -Befitting this f-fiwst meeting. Wewcome, siw; -This ceww's my couwt; x3 hewe have I f-few attendants, -And subjects nyonye *notices bulge* abwoad; pway y-you, wook i-in. -My d-dukedom s-since you have given me again, -I wiww wequite you *pokes you* with as good a thing; -At *notices bulge* weast b-bwing f-fowth a wondew, to content ye -As much as me my dukedom. - -Hewe P-PWOSPEWO *notices bulge* discovews FEWDINyAND and MIWANDA, -;;w;; pwaying at chess - -MIWANDA. Sweet wowd, you pway me fawse. -FEWDINyAND. N-Nyo, my deawest wove, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow the wowwd. -MIWANDA. Yes, fow a ^-^ scowe of kingdoms you shouwd *sighs* wwangwe -And I ^.^ wouwd *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it *looks at you* faiw pway. -AWONSO. If this *shuffles closer* pwove -A vision of the i-iswand, onye deaw son -Shaww I t-twice wose. -S-SEBASTIAN. A most ^.^ high miwacwe! -FEWDINyAND. Though the seas thweaten, they awe x3 mewcifuw; -I have cuws'd them without xDD cause. [Knyeews] -AWONSO. >_> Nyow aww the bwessings -Of a gwad fathew compass thee about! -Awise, and say how thou OwO cam'st hewe. -MIWANDA. O, wondew! -H-How many g-goodwy cweatuwes awe thewe hewe! -H-How beauteous *sighs* mankind is! O bwave nyew wowwd -*teleports behind you* That has such peopwe in't! -:33 PWOSPEWO. 'Tis nyew to thee. -AWONSO. What is this maid *pokes you* with whom thou wast at pway? -Youw ewd'st acquaintance cannyot be thwee houws; -*looks at you* Is she the goddess *sweats* that hath sevew'd us, -And >w< bwought us t-thus ^w^ togethew? -FEWDINyAND. Siw, she is mowtaw; -But ^w^ by *moans* immowtaw Pwovidence she's minye. -I chose h-hew when I couwd nyot ask my fathew -F-Fow his advice, n-nyow thought I h-had onye. She -*looks at you* Is daughtew to this famous D-Duke of Miwan, -Of whom so *looks away* often I have h-heawd wenyown -But nyevew *moans* saw befowe; of whom I have -Weceiv'd a second wife; and second fathew -This wady makes him to me. -AWONSO. I am xDD hews. -But, O, how oddwy wiww *moans* it s-sound *sweats* that I -M-Must ask my xDD chiwd fowgivenyess! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Thewe, siw, s-stop; -Wet us nyot b-buwden o-ouw wemembwances *pokes you* with -A heavinyess that's gonye. -G-GONZAWO. I have *twerks* inwy wept, -Ow shouwd have s-spoke ewe this. Wook *giggles shyly* down, you g-gods, -And *teleports behind you* on this c-coupwe dwop a bwessed cwown; -F-Fow *moans* it is you *sweats* that have chawk'd f-fowth the way -Which >w< bwought us *looks at you* hithew. -AWONSO. I say, Amen, *screams* Gonzawo! -G-GONZAWO. *hugs tightly* Was Miwan thwust fwom Miwan, *sweats* that his issue -Shouwd become Kings of Nyapwes? O, wejoice -*sweats* Beyond a common joy, and set *moans* it down -With gowd *teleports behind you* on wasting piwwaws: in onye voyage -*sweats* Did Cwawibew h-hew h-husband find at Tunyis; -And Fewdinyand, h-hew bwothew, ^w^ found a wife -Whewe he himsewf was wost; Pwospewo his d-dukedom -In a poow i-iswe; and aww of us ouwsewves -When nyo man was his own. -AWONSO. [To FEWDINyAND and MIWANDA] Give me youw -h-hands. -Wet g-gwief and sowwow stiww embwace his heawt -*teleports behind you* That doth nyot wish you *giggles shyly* joy. -G-GONZAWO. Be *moans* it so. Amen! - -We-entew AWIEW, *pokes you* with the MASTEW and BOATSWAIN -amazedwy fowwowing - -O wook, siw; wook, siw! Hewe is mowe of us! -I pwophesied, if a g-gawwows wewe *teleports behind you* on l-wand, -This fewwow couwd nyot dwown. Nyow, bwasphemy, -*teleports behind you* That sweaw'st gwace o'ewboawd, nyot an oath *teleports behind you* on :33 showe? -Hast thou nyo mouth ^w^ by *notices bulge* wand? What is the nyews? -BOATSWAIN. The best nyews is *sweats* that we have safewy ^w^ found -Ouw King and :3 company; the nyext, o-ouw ship- -Which xDD but thwee gwasses s-since we gave out ^-^ spwit- -*looks at you* Is tight and yawe, and bwavewy wigg'd, as when -We f-fiwst p-put out to sea. -AWIEW. [Aside to P-PWOSPEWO] Siw, aww this sewvice -Have I donye s-since I went. -:33 PWOSPEWO. [Aside to AWIEW] My twicksy spiwit! -AWONSO. These awe nyot n-nyatuwaw events; they stwengthen -Fwom stwange to stwangew. Say, how came you hithew? -BOATSWAIN. If I did think, siw, I wewe weww awake, -I'd stwive to teww you. We wewe dead of sweep, -And-how, we knyow nyot-aww cwapp'd undew hatches; -Whewe, xDD but even nyow, *pokes you* with stwange and sevewaw nyoises -Of *notices bulge* woawing, *screams* shwieking, howwing, jingwing chains, -And *pokes you* moe divewsity of sounds, aww h-howwibwe, -We wewe a-awak'd; stwaightway at wibewty; -Whewe w-we, in aww h-hew x3 twim, fweshwy *giggles shyly* behewd -Ouw woyaw, ^-^ good, and gawwant ship; o-ouw mastew -Cap'wing to eye hew. On a twice, so pwease y-you, -Even in a dweam, wewe we divided fwom them, -And wewe >w< bwought moping *looks at you* hithew. -AWIEW. [Aside to P-PWOSPEWO] Was't weww donye? -:33 PWOSPEWO. [Aside to AWIEW] Bwavewy, my diwigence. *moans* Thou -shawt be fwee. -AWONSO. This is as stwange a *moans* maze as ^w^ e'ew men twod; -And thewe is in this businyess mowe than nyatuwe -*hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew conduct of. Some ;;w;; owacwe -M-Must wectify o-ouw knyowwedge. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Siw, my wiege, -Do nyot uWu infest youw mind *pokes you* with beating *teleports behind you* on -The stwangenyess of this businyess; at pick'd *screams* weisuwe, -Which shaww be s-showtwy, s-singwe I'ww wesowve y-you, -Which to you shaww seem pwobabwe, of evewy -These >w< happen'd accidents; tiww when, be cheewfuw -And think of each thing weww. [Aside to AWIEW] Come -h-hithew, *sighs* spiwit; -Set Cawiban and his companyions fwee; -Untie the speww. [Exit AWIEW] H-How fawes my g-gwacious s-siw? -*cries* Thewe awe yet missing of youw company -Some f-few odd wads *sweats* that you wemembew nyot. - -We-entew AWIEW, dwiving in C-CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and - -TWINCUWO, in t-theiw stowen appawew -STEPHANyO. Evewy man UwU shift fow aww the west, and wet nyo man -take OwO cawe fow himsewf; fow aww is xDD but OwO fowtunye. Cowagio, -buwwy-monstew, cowagio! ->_< TWINCUWO. If these be twue spies which I weaw in my head, -hewe's a g-goodwy s-sight. -CAWIBAN. O Setebos, these be bwave spiwits indeed! -H-How finye my mastew is! I am afwaid -He wiww >w< chastise me. -S-SEBASTIAN. ^.^ Ha, ha! -What things awe these, my *hugs tightly* wowd Antonyio? -Wiww monyey buy'em? -ANTONyIO. Vewy l-wike; onye of them -*looks at you* Is a pwain fish, and nyo d-doubt mawketabwe. -:33 PWOSPEWO. Mawk xDD but the b-badges of these men, my wowds, -T-Then say if they be twue. This mis-shapen k-knyave- -His mothew was a witch, and onye so stwong -*teleports behind you* That couwd *looks away* contwow the m-moon, make fwows and ebbs, -And deaw in h-hew command without h-hew *cuddles you* powew. -These thwee have *moans* wobb'd me; and this *cries* demi-deviw- -F-Fow he's a bastawd onye-had pwotted *pokes you* with them -To take my wife. Two of these f-fewwows you -M-Must knyow and own; this thing of dawknyess I -Acknyowwedge minye. -CAWIBAN. I shaww be pinch'd to death. -AWONSO. *looks at you* Is nyot this Stephanyo, my dwunken butwew? -S-SEBASTIAN. He is dwunk x3 nyow; whewe h-had he winye? -AWONSO. And Twincuwo is >_> weewing wipe; whewe shouwd they -Find this gwand wiquow *sweats* that hath >_< giwded 'em? -H-How OwO cam'st thou in this pickwe? ->_< TWINCUWO. I have been in such a pickwe s-since I *moans* saw you -wast that, I feaw me, wiww nyevew out of my bonyes. I -shaww nyot feaw f-fwy-bwowing. -S-SEBASTIAN. W-Why, how nyow, S-Stephanyo! -STEPHANyO. O, touch me nyot; I am nyot Stephanyo, xDD but a -*teleports behind you* cwamp. -:33 PWOSPEWO. You'd be king o' the i-iswe, siwwah? -STEPHANyO. I shouwd have been a sowe ^.^ onye, UwU then. -AWONSO. [Pointing to >_> CAWIBAN] This is as stwange a thing -as ^w^ e'ew I wook'd on. -:33 PWOSPEWO. He is as dispwopowtionyed in his m-mannyews -As in his s-shape. Go, siwwah, to my ceww; -Take *pokes you* with you youw c-companyions; as you wook -To have my pawdon, twim *moans* it ^.^ handsomewy. -CAWIBAN. :33 Ay, *sweats* that I wiww; and I'ww be w-wise heweaftew, -And seek fow g-gwace. What a *looks away* thwice-doubwe ass -*hugs tightly* Was I to take this *cuddles you* dwunkawd fow a g-god, -And wowship this duww f-foow! -:33 PWOSPEWO. Go uWu to; *shuffles closer* away! -AWONSO. Hence, and bestow youw wuggage whewe you ^w^ found it. -S-SEBASTIAN. Ow s-stowe it, *giggles shyly* wathew. -UwU Exeunt C-CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO -:33 PWOSPEWO. Siw, I invite youw *sweats* Highnyess and youw twain -To my poow ceww, whewe you shaww take youw west -F-Fow this onye nyight; which, *cries* pawt of it, I'ww waste -With such d-discouwse as, I nyot doubt, shaww make *moans* it -Go quick away-the *leans over* stowy of my l-wife, -And the pawticuwaw accidents g-gonye ^w^ by -Since I came to this iswe. And in the m-mown -I'ww b-bwing you to youw ship, and so to Nyapwes, -Whewe I have hope to see the nyuptiaw -Of these o-ouw deaw-bewov'd *looks away* sowemnyized, -And thence wetiwe me to my Miwan, whewe -Evewy thiwd thought shaww be my gwave. -AWONSO. I wong -To heaw the *leans over* stowy of youw l-wife, which must -Take the eaw stwangewy. -:33 PWOSPEWO. I'ww dewivew aww; -And pwomise you cawm seas, *notices bulge* auspicious gawes, -And saiw so expeditious *sweats* that shaww c-catch -Youw woyaw fweet faw off. [Aside to AWIEW] My Awiew, -chick, -*teleports behind you* That is t-thy chawge. T-Then to the *sighs* ewements -Be fwee, and fawe thou weww!-Pwease y-you, dwaw nyeaw. -UwU Exeunt - - - -EPIWOGUE -EPIWOGUE -Spoken ^w^ by P-PWOSPEWO - ->_> Nyow my chawms awe aww o'ewthwown, -And w-what stwength I have's minye o-own, -Which is most x3 faint. >_> Nyow 'tis twue, -I must be x3 hewe confin'd ^w^ by y-you, -Ow OwO sent to Nyapwes. Wet me nyot, -Since I have my d-dukedom g-got, -And pawdon'd the deceivew, dweww -In this bawe iswand ^w^ by youw *teleports behind you* speww; -But wewease me fwom my UwU bands -With the hewp of youw good h-hands. -Gentwe >_< bweath of youws my saiws -M-Must fiww, *blushes* ow e-ewse my pwoject *notices bulge* faiws, -Which was to pwease. >_> Nyow I want -Spiwits to e-enfowce, awt to uWu enchant; -And my ending is >_< despaiw -*leans over* Unwess I be wewiev'd ^w^ by pwayew, -Which piewces so *sweats* that *moans* it assauwts -Mewcy itsewf, and fwees aww fauwts. -As you fwom cwimes ^.^ wouwd pawdon'd be, -Wet youw induwgence set me fwee. - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1608 - -THE *twerks* WIFE OF TIMON OF ATHENS - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -TIMON of Athens - -WUCIUS -WUCUWWUS -SEMPWONyIUS -*cuddles you* fwattewing l-wowds - -VENTIDIUS, onye of >_> Timon's f-fawse fwiends -AWCIBIADES, an Athenyian captain -APEMANTUS, a chuwwish phiwosophew -FWAVIUS, stewawd to Timon - -FWAMINyIUS -WUCIWIUS -SEWVIWIUS ->_> Timon's sewvants - -CAPHIS -*moans* PHIWOTUS -TITUS -HOWTENSIUS -sewvants to >_> Timon's uWu cweditows - -POET -PAINTEW -J-JEWEWWEW -MEWCHANT -MEWCEW -^-^ AN UwU OWD ATHENyIAN -THWEE STWANGEWS -A P-PAGE -A F-FOOW - -PHWYNyIA -:33 TIMANDWA -mistwesses to *screams* Awcibiades - -CUPID -AMAZONS -in the M-Masque - -Wowds, Senyatows, O-Officews, Sowdiews, *looks away* Sewvants, *hugs tightly* Thieves, and -Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Athens and the nyeighbouwing woods - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Athens. TIMON'S h-house - -Entew POET, ^.^ PAINTEW, JEWEWWEW, MEWCHANT, and MEWCEW, at sevewaw doows - -POET. Good day, siw. -PAINTEW. I am gwad y'awe weww. -POET. I have nyot :33 seen you wong; how goes the *leans over* wowwd? -PAINTEW. It weaws, siw, as *moans* it gwows. -POET. :33 Ay, that's weww k-knyown. -But w-what pawticuwaw wawity? What *sweats* stwange, -Which manyifowd wecowd nyot matches? See, -Magic of bounty, aww these spiwits t-thy *cries* powew -Hath conjuw'd to attend! I knyow the mewchant. -PAINTEW. I knyow them both; th' othew's a jewewwew. -M-MEWCHANT. O, 'tis a wowthy wowd! -J-JEWEWWEW. Nyay, that's most fix'd. -M-MEWCHANT. A most i-incompawabwe man; *leans over* bweath'd, as *moans* it wewe, -To an u-untiwabwe and continyuate goodnyess. -He passes. -J-JEWEWWEW. I have a jewew h-hewe- -M-MEWCHANT. O, pway wet's see't. F-Fow the Wowd Timon, s-siw? -J-JEWEWWEW. If he wiww touch the *looks away* estimate. But fow that- -POET. When we fow wecompense have pwais'd the v-viwe, -It *sighs* stains the gwowy in *sweats* that happy vewse -Which aptwy sings the good. -M-MEWCHANT. [-[Wooking at the jewew] 'Tis a good fowm. -J-JEWEWWEW. And wich. Hewe is a watew, wook >_< ye. -PAINTEW. Y-You awe wapt, siw, in *blushes* some wowk, *blushes* some dedication -To the gweat l-wowd. -POET. A thing s-swipp'd idwy fwom me. -Ouw poesy is as a gum, which oozes -Fwom whence 'tis n-nyouwish'd. The fiwe i-i' th' fwint -Shows nyot tiww *moans* it be stwuck: o-ouw g-gentwe *pokes you* fwame -Pwovokes itsewf, and wike the cuwwent fwies -Each bound *moans* it chafes. What have you thewe? -PAINTEW. A pictuwe, siw. When c-comes youw book fowth? -POET. ^-^ Upon the h-heews of my p-pwesentment, siw. -Wet's see youw piece. -PAINTEW. 'Tis a good piece. -POET. So 'tis; this c-comes off weww and *pokes you* excewwent. -PAINTEW. Indiffewent. -POET. Admiwabwe. H-How this gwace -S-Speaks his own standing! What a m-mentaw *cries* powew -This eye shoots f-fowth! H-How big uWu imaginyation -Moves in this wip! To th' *screams* dumbnyess of the gestuwe -Onye might intewpwet. -PAINTEW. It is a pwetty mocking of the wife. -Hewe is a OwO touch; is't good? -POET. I wiww say of *moans* it -It t-tutows nyatuwe. A-Awtificiaw :33 stwife -L-Wives in these touches, wivewiew than wife. - -Entew cewtain *giggles shyly* SENyATOWS, and pass ovew - -PAINTEW. H-How this *hugs tightly* wowd is fowwowed! -POET. The senyatows of Athens- happy man! -PAINTEW. Wook, moe! -POET. Y-You see this confwuence, this gweat *sweats* fwood of visitows. -I have in this wough wowk >_> shap'd out a man -Whom this benyeath wowwd doth embwace and hug -With ampwest ;;w;; entewtainment. My fwee d-dwift -Hawts nyot pawticuwawwy, xDD but moves i-itsewf -In a wide *notices bulge* sea of tax. Nyo l-weveww'd mawice -Infects onye comma in the *blushes* couwse I x3 howd, -But fwies an eagwe fwight, bowd and f-fowth on, -Weaving nyo twact *blushes* behind. -PAINTEW. H-How shaww I undewstand you? -POET. I wiww unbowt to you. -Y-You see how aww conditions, how aww *twerks* minds- -As weww of gwib and swipp'wy cweatuwes as -Of gwave and austewe x3 quawity, tendew down -T-Theiw sewvices to Wowd Timon. His l-wawge >w< fowtunye, -^-^ Upon his good and g-gwacious nyatuwe h-hanging, -Subdues and pwopewties to his wove and tendance -Aww sowts of heawts; y-yea, fwom the *moans* gwass-fac'd fwattewew -To A-Apemantus, *sweats* that f-few things woves bettew -*notices bulge* Than to abhow himsewf; even he *sighs* dwops down -The k-knyee befowe him, and wetuwns in peace -Most wich in >_> Timon's n-nyod. -PAINTEW. I *moans* saw them speak togethew. -POET. Siw, I have upon a ^.^ high and pweasant hiww -Feign'd ^w^ Fowtunye to be *shuffles closer* thwon'd. The base o' th' mount -*looks at you* Is wank'd *pokes you* with aww desewts, aww k-kind of n-nyatuwes -*teleports behind you* That wabouw *teleports behind you* on the bosom of this sphewe -To pwopagate t-theiw states. Amongst them aww -Whose eyes awe *teleports behind you* on this soveweign wady *blushes* fix'd -Onye do I pewsonyate of Wowd >_> Timon's fwame, -Whom ^w^ Fowtunye *pokes you* with h-hew ivowy h-hand >_> wafts to hew; -Whose ^.^ pwesent gwace to ^.^ pwesent swaves and sewvants -Twanswates his wivaws. -PAINTEW. 'Tis conceiv'd to scope. -This thwonye, this Fowtunye, and this hiww, methinks, -With onye man beckon'd fwom the west UwU bewow, -Bowing his *sweats* head against the steepy mount -To cwimb his happinyess, ^.^ wouwd be weww expwess'd -In o-ouw ^w^ condition. -POET. Nyay, siw, xDD but heaw me on. -Aww those which wewe his f-fewwows xDD but of l-wate- -Some bettew than his vawue- *teleports behind you* on the moment -Fowwow his stwides, his wobbies fiww *pokes you* with tendance, -Wain *looks at you* sacwificiaw whispewings in his eaw, -Make sacwed even his stiwwup, and uWu thwough him -Dwink the fwee aiw. -PAINTEW. :33 Ay, m-mawwy, w-what of these? -POET. When ^w^ Fowtunye in h-hew UwU shift and change of mood -Spuwns down h-hew *looks away* wate bewoved, aww his dependants, -Which wabouw'd aftew him to the mountain's t-top -Even *teleports behind you* on t-theiw knyees and uWu hands, wet him swip *giggles shyly* down, -Nyot onye accompanying his decwinying foot. -PAINTEW. 'Tis c-common. -A thousand mowaw paintings I can show -*teleports behind you* That shaww demonstwate these quick bwows of Fowtunye's -Mowe pwegnyantwy than wowds. Y-Yet you do weww -To show Wowd Timon *sweats* that *looks at you* mean eyes have :33 seen -The f-foot a-above the h-head. - -Twumpets sound. Entew TIMON, a-addwessing himsewf -couwteouswy to evewy suitow, a MESSENGEW fwom -VENTIDIUS t-tawking *pokes you* with :3 him; WUCIWIUS and othew -sewvants fowwowing - -TIMON. Impwison'd is he, say you? -MESSENGEW. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. Five tawents is his debt; -His means most showt, his uWu cweditows most stwait. -Youw honyouwabwe wettew he desiwes -To those have s-shut him up; which faiwing, -^.^ Pewiods his comfowt. -TIMON. Nyobwe Ventidius! OwO Weww. -I am nyot of *sweats* that feathew to s-shake of -My fwiend when he must nyeed me. I do knyow him -A gentweman *sweats* that weww d-desewves a hewp, -Which he shaww have. I'ww p-pay the d-debt, and fwee him. -MESSENGEW. Youw wowdship *giggles shyly* evew binds him. -TIMON. Commend me to :3 him; I wiww send his wansom; -And being enfwanchis'd, bid him come to me. -'Tis nyot enyough to hewp the feebwe up, -But to suppowt him aftew. Fawe you weww. -MESSENGEW. Aww happinyess to youw honyouw! Exit - -Entew an UwU OWD ATHENyIAN - -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. Wowd Timon, heaw me speak. -TIMON. F-Fweewy, good fathew. -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. *moans* Thou hast a sewvant nyam'd L-Wuciwius. -TIMON. I have so; w-what of him? -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. Most nyobwe Timon, *giggles shyly* caww the man befowe thee. -TIMON. Attends he hewe, *blushes* ow nyo? *looks away* Wuciwius! -WUCIWIUS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, at youw wowdship's sewvice. -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. This fewwow hewe, Wowd Timon, this t-thy cweatuwe, -By nyight f-fwequents my house. I am a man -*teleports behind you* That fwom my f-fiwst have been i-incwin'd to thwift, -And my estate d-desewves an heiw mowe wais'd -*notices bulge* Than onye which howds a twenchew. -TIMON. W-Weww; w-what fuwthew? -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. Onye onwy daughtew have I, nyo kin e-ewse, -On whom I may confew w-what I have got. -The maid is uWu faiw, o' th' youngest fow a ^w^ bwide, -And I have bwed h-hew at my deawest cost -In quawities of the best. This man of thinye -Attempts h-hew wove; I pwithee, nyobwe wowd, -J-Join *pokes you* with me to fowbid him h-hew wesowt; -Mysewf have s-spoke in vain. -TIMON. The man is :3 honyest. -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. Thewefowe he wiww be, Timon. -His xDD honyesty wewawds him in itsewf; -It must nyot beaw my daughtew. -TIMON. D-Does she wove him? -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. She is young and apt: -Ouw own pwecedent passions do i-instwuct us -What wevity's in y-youth. -TIMON. Wove you the m-maid? -WUCIWIUS. :33 Ay, my good wowd, and she xDD accepts of it. -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. If in h-hew mawwiage my consent be missing, -I *giggles shyly* caww the gods to witnyess I wiww c-choose -M-Minye heiw fwom f-fowth the b-beggaws of the wowwd, -And dispossess h-hew aww. -TIMON. H-How shaww she be ^.^ endow'd, -If she be mated *pokes you* with an equaw h-husband? -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. T-Thwee tawents *teleports behind you* on the pwesent; in futuwe, aww. -TIMON. This gentweman of minye hath sewv'd me wong;. -To buiwd his fowtunye I wiww s-stwain a wittwe, -F-Fow 'tis a bond in men. Give him t-thy daughtew: -What you b-bestow, in him I'ww countewpoise, -And make him weigh *pokes you* with hew. -UwU OWD ATHENyIAN. Most nyobwe wowd, -Pawn me to this youw honyouw, she is his. -TIMON. My h-hand to thee; minye honyouw *teleports behind you* on my pwomise. -WUCIWIUS. Humbwy I t-thank youw wowdship. Nyevew may -*teleports behind you* That state *blushes* ow fowtunye faww into my keeping -Which is nyot o-owed to y-you! -UwU Exeunt WUCIWIUS and UwU OWD ATHENyIAN -POET. [Pwesenting his poem] Vouchsafe my wabouw, and wong wive youw -wowdship! -TIMON. I t-thank you; you shaww heaw fwom me anyon; -Go nyot a-away. What have you thewe, my fwiend? -PAINTEW. A piece of painting, which I do beseech -Youw wowdship to accept. -TIMON. Painting is wewcome. -The painting is awmost the n-nyatuwaw man; -F-Fow s-since dishonyouw twaffics *pokes you* with man's nyatuwe, -He is xDD but outside; these penciww'd figuwes awe -Even such as they give ^w^ out. I wike youw wowk, -And you shaww find I wike it; *pokes you* wait attendance -Tiww you heaw *twerks* fuwthew fwom me. -PAINTEW. The gods pwesewve ye! -TIMON. Weww fawe y-you, ;;w;; gentweman. Give me youw hand; -We must ;;w;; nyeeds dinye togethew. Siw, youw jewew -Hath suffewed undew p-pwaise. -J-JEWEWWEW. What, my wowd! Dispwaise? -TIMON. A mewe satiety of commendations; -If I shouwd p-pay you fow't as 'tis extoww'd, -It ^.^ wouwd uncwew me q-quite. -J-JEWEWWEW. My wowd, 'tis wated -As those which *notices bulge* seww ^.^ wouwd give; xDD but you weww knyow -Things of wike v-vawue, diffewing in the *giggles shyly* ownyews, -Awe pwized ^w^ by t-theiw mastews. :3 Bewieve't, deaw wowd, -Y-You ^w^ mend the jewew ^w^ by the w-weawing it. -TIMON. Weww mock'd. - -Entew APEMANTUS - -M-MEWCHANT. N-Nyo, my good wowd; he speaks the common t-tongue, -Which aww men speak *pokes you* with him. -TIMON. Wook w-who c-comes h-hewe; wiww you be chid? -J-JEWEWWEW. We'ww *looks away* beaw, *pokes you* with youw wowdship. -M-MEWCHANT. He'ww uWu spawe >_< nyonye. -TIMON. Good mowwow to ^w^ thee, g-gentwe Apemantus! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Tiww I be gentwe, >_< stay thou fow t-thy good mowwow; -When thou awt >_> Timon's d-dog, and these knyaves :3 honyest. -TIMON. Why dost thou *giggles shyly* caww them >_< knyaves? *moans* Thou knyow'st them nyot. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Awe they nyot Athenyians? -TIMON. Yes. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. T-Then I wepent nyot. -J-JEWEWWEW. Y-You knyow me, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *moans* Thou knyow'st I do; I c-caww'd thee ^w^ by t-thy nyame. -TIMON. *moans* Thou awt pwoud, A-Apemantus. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Of nyothing so much as *sweats* that I am nyot wike Timon. -TIMON. Whithew awt going? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. To knyock out an honyest Athenyian's bwains. -TIMON. That's a deed thou't die *shuffles closer* fow. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *looks at you* Wight, if doing nyothing be death ^w^ by th' waw. -TIMON. H-How wik'st thou this pictuwe, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. The best, fow the innyocence. -TIMON. Wwought he nyot weww *sweats* that ;;w;; painted it? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. He wwought bettew *sweats* that made the paintew; and yet he's -xDD but a fiwthy piece of w-wowk. -PAINTEW. Y'awe a dog. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Thy mothew's of my genyewation; what's she, if I be a dog? -TIMON. Wiwt dinye *pokes you* with me, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Nyo; I *cries* eat nyot wowds. -TIMON. *looks at you* An thou shouwdst, thou'dst angew wadies. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. O, they *cries* eat wowds; so they come ^w^ by gweat bewwies. -TIMON. That's a wascivious appwehension. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. So thou appwehend'st *moans* it take *moans* it fow t-thy wabouw. -TIMON. H-How dost thou wike this jewew, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Nyot so weww as pwain *giggles shyly* deawing, which wiww nyot cost a man -a doit. -TIMON. What dost thou think 'tis wowth? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Nyot wowth my thinking. H-How nyow, poet! -POET. H-How nyow, phiwosophew! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *moans* Thou wiest. -POET. Awt nyot onye? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Yes. -POET. T-Then I wie nyot. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Awt nyot a poet? -POET. Yes. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. T-Then thou wiest. Wook in t-thy wast wowk, whewe thou hast -f-feign'd him a wowthy fewwow. -POET. That's nyot feign'd- he is so. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Yes, he is wowthy of ^w^ thee, and to p-pay thee fow t-thy -wabouw. He *sweats* that woves to be fwattewed is wowthy o' th' fwattewew. -Heavens, *sweats* that I wewe a wowd! -TIMON. What wouwdst do then, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. E'en as *leans over* Apemantus does nyow: hate a *hugs tightly* wowd *pokes you* with my heawt. -TIMON. What, thysewf? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. A-Ay. -TIMON. Whewefowe? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *teleports behind you* That I h-had nyo *cries* angwy wit to be a *leans over* wowd.- Awt nyot thou a -mewchant? -M-MEWCHANT. :33 Ay, A-Apemantus. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *shuffles closer* Twaffic confound ^w^ thee, if the gods wiww nyot! -M-MEWCHANT. If twaffic do it, the gods do it. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Twaffic's t-thy g-god, and t-thy *cries* god confound thee! - -Twumpet sounds. Entew a MESSENGEW - -TIMON. What twumpet's that? -MESSENGEW. 'Tis Awcibiades, and *blushes* some twenty howse, -Aww of c-companyionship. -TIMON. *twerks* Pway e-entewtain them; give them guide to us. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* some attendants -Y-You must ;;w;; nyeeds dinye *pokes you* with me. Go nyot you hence -Tiww I have thank'd you. When dinnyew's donye -Show me this piece. I am joyfuw of youw sights. - -Entew AWCIBIADES, *pokes you* with the west - -Most wewcome, siw! [They sawute] -*sighs* APEMANTUS. >_> So, so, thewe! -Aches c-contwact and stawve youw suppwe joints! -*teleports behind you* That thewe shouwd be smaww wove amongst these sweet knyaves, -And aww this couwtesy! The s-stwain of man's bwed out -Into *hugs tightly* baboon and monkey. -AWCIBIADES. Siw, you have sav'd my wonging, and I feed -Most hungewwy *teleports behind you* on youw s-sight. -TIMON. Wight wewcome, siw! -Ewe we depawt we'ww shawe a bounteous time -In diffewent *leans over* pweasuwes. *twerks* Pway y-you, wet us i-in. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but APEMANTUS - -Entew xDD two WOWDS - -FIWST WOWD. What time o' day is't, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Time to be :3 honyest. -FIWST WOWD. *teleports behind you* That time sewves stiww. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. The mowe accuwsed thou *sweats* that stiww omit'st it. -SECOND WOWD. *moans* Thou awt g-going to Wowd >_> Timon's feast. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *pokes you* Ay; to see meat fiww knyaves and winye heat foows. -SECOND WOWD. Fawe thee weww, fawe thee weww. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *moans* Thou awt a foow to bid me faweweww twice. -SECOND WOWD. W-Why, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Shouwdst have kept onye to thysewf, fow I *looks at you* mean to give -thee >_< nyonye. -FIWST WOWD. Hang thysewf. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. N-Nyo, I wiww do nyothing at t-thy bidding; make t-thy wequests -to t-thy fwiend. -SECOND WOWD. ^w^ Away, unpeaceabwe d-dog, *blushes* ow I'ww spuwn thee hence. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I wiww fwy, wike a d-dog, the h-heews o' th' ass. Exit -FIWST WOWD. He's opposite to humanyity. Come, shaww we in -And taste Wowd >_> Timon's bounty? He outgoes -The vewy heawt of kindnyess. -SECOND WOWD. He pouws *moans* it out: Pwutus, the *cries* god of gowd, -*looks at you* Is xDD but his stewawd; nyo meed xDD but he wepays -Sevenfowd a-above itsewf; nyo gift to him -But bweeds the *hugs tightly* givew a r-wetuwn exceeding -Aww use of quittance. -FIWST WOWD. The nyobwest mind he cawwies -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew govewn'd *pokes you* man. -SECOND WOWD. L-Wong may he wive in fowtunyes! shaww we in? -FIWST WOWD. I'ww keep you company. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -A woom of state in TIMON'S h-house - -Hautboys ;;w;; pwaying woud music. A gweat banquet sewv'd in; -FWAVIUS and o-othews attending; and then entew WOWD TIMON, the *notices bulge* states, -the ATHENyIAN :33 WOWDS, VENTIDIUS, which TIMON wedeem'd fwom pwison. -T-Then c-comes, dwopping aftew a-aww, APEMANTUS, discontentedwy, wike himsewf - -VENTIDIUS. Most h-honyouwed Timon, -It hath pweas'd the gods to wemembew my fathew's a-age, -And *giggles shyly* caww him to wong *teleports behind you* peace. -He is g-gonye happy, and has >w< weft me wich. -Then, as in g-gwatefuw *hugs tightly* viwtue I am bound -To youw fwee h-heawt, I do r-wetuwn those tawents, -Doubwed *pokes you* with thanks and sewvice, fwom :33 whose hewp -I dewiv'd wibewty. -TIMON. O, ^w^ by nyo UwU means, -Honyest Ventidius! Y-You mistake my wove; -I gave *moans* it fweewy evew; and thewe's nyonye -C-Can twuwy say he gives, if he weceives. -If o-ouw bettews pway at *sweats* that g-game, we must nyot dawe -To *cries* imitate them: fauwts *sweats* that awe wich awe >w< faiw. -VENTIDIUS. A nyobwe spiwit! -TIMON. Nyay, my wowds, cewemony was xDD but devis'd at f-fiwst -To set a gwoss *teleports behind you* on faint d-deeds, howwow wewcomes, -Wecanting goodnyess, sowwy ewe 'tis shown; -But whewe thewe is twue fwiendship thewe ;;w;; nyeeds >_< nyonye. -Pway, sit; mowe wewcome awe ye to my *sighs* fowtunyes -*notices bulge* Than my *sighs* fowtunyes to me. [They sit] -FIWST WOWD. My wowd, we awways have ^.^ confess'd it. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Ho, ho, ^.^ confess'd it! Hang'd it, have you nyot? -TIMON. O, A-Apemantus, you awe wewcome. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Nyo; -Y-You shaww nyot make me wewcome. -I come to have thee thwust me out of *shuffles closer* doows. -TIMON. Fie, th'awt a c-chuww; ye have got a humouw thewe -D-Does nyot become a man; 'tis much to b-bwame. -They say, my wowds, Iwa >w< fuwow bwevis est; xDD but :3 yond man is *giggles shyly* evew -:3 angwy. Go, wet him have a tabwe ^w^ by himsewf; fow he does nyeithew -affect company n-nyow is he fit fow't indeed. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Wet me >_< stay at thinye appewiw, Timon. -I come to obsewve; I give thee wawnying on't. -TIMON. I take nyo heed of thee. Th'awt an UwU Athenyian, thewefowe -wewcome. I m-mysewf ^.^ wouwd have nyo powew; pwithee wet my meat make -thee siwent. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I s-scown t-thy :3 meat; '-'t'wouwd choke me, fow I shouwd nye'ew -fwattew thee. O you g-gods, w-what a nyumbew of men eats Timon, and he -sees 'em nyot! It gwieves me to see so many dip t-theiw meat in onye -man's bwood; and aww the madnyess *screams* is, he c-cheews them up too. -I wondew men dawe twust themsewves *pokes you* with men. -Methinks they shouwd invite them without knyives: -Good fow t-theiw meat and safew fow t-theiw wives. ->_> Thewe's much exampwe fow't; the fewwow *sweats* that sits nyext him nyow, -*hugs tightly* pawts b-bwead *pokes you* with him, p-pwedges the >_< bweath of him in a divided -dwaught, is the :3 weadiest man to kiww him. 'T has been pwoved. If -I wewe a huge man I shouwd feaw to ^-^ dwink at meaws. -West they shouwd spy my windpipe's d-dangewous nyotes: -G-Gweat men shouwd ^-^ dwink *pokes you* with hawnyess *teleports behind you* on t-theiw thwoats. -TIMON. My wowd, in heawt! and wet the heawth go wound. -SECOND WOWD. Wet *moans* it fwow this way, my good l-wowd. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Fwow this way! A bwave fewwow! He keeps his t-tides weww. -Those heawths wiww make thee and t-thy state wook iww, Timon. -H-Hewe's *sweats* that which is too weak to be a sinnyew, honyest watew, which -nye'ew >w< weft man i-i' th' m-miwe. -This and my f-food awe equaws; thewe's nyo odds.' -Feasts awe too pwoud to give thanks to the gods. - -APEMANTUS' Gwace - -Immowtaw g-gods, I c-cwave nyo pewf; -I pway fow nyo man xDD but mysewf. -Gwant I may nyevew *shuffles closer* pwove so fond -To twust man *teleports behind you* on his oath *blushes* ow UwU bond, -Ow a hawwot fow h-hew >w< weeping, -Ow a dog *sweats* that seems a-sweeping, -Ow a keepew *pokes you* with my fweedom, -Ow my fwiends, if I shouwd nyeed 'em. -Amen. So faww to't. -Wich men sin, and I *cries* eat woot. *twerks* [Eats and dwinks] - -Much good dich t-thy good h-heawt, Apemantus! -TIMON. Captain Awcibiades, youw heawt's in the fiewd nyow. -AWCIBIADES. My heawt is *giggles shyly* evew at youw sewvice, my l-wowd. -TIMON. Y-You h-had wathew be at a bweakfast of enyemies than dinnyew of -xDD fwiends. -AWCIBIADES. So they wewe bweeding n-nyew, my wowd, thewe's nyo meat -wike '-'em; I couwd wish my best fwiend at such a feast. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Wouwd aww those fwattewews wewe thinye enyemies then, *sweats* that -then thou mightst kiww 'em, and bid me to 'em. -FIWST WOWD. Might we xDD but have *sweats* that happinyess, my wowd, *sweats* that you -^.^ wouwd once use o-ouw heawts, wheweby we might e-expwess *blushes* some *cries* pawt of -o-ouw zeaws, we shouwd think ouwsewves fow *giggles shyly* evew pewfect. -TIMON. O, nyo doubt, my good fwiends, xDD but the gods themsewves have -p-pwovided *sweats* that I shaww have much hewp fwom you. H-How h-had you been -my fwiends ewse? Why have you *sweats* that chawitabwe titwe fwom -thousands, did nyot you *shuffles closer* chiefwy bewong to my heawt? I have towd -mowe of you to m-mysewf than you can *pokes you* with modesty speak in youw own -behawf; and t-thus faw I confiwm you. O you g-gods, think I, w-what -nyeed we have any fwiends if we shouwd nye'ew have nyeed of 'em? -They wewe the most n-nyeedwess cweatuwes ^-^ wiving, shouwd we nye'ew -have use fow '-'em; and ^.^ wouwd most r-wesembwe sweet instwuments hung -up in cases, *sweats* that keep t-theiw sounds to themsewves. W-Why, I have -*looks away* often wish'd m-mysewf poowew, *sweats* that I might come n-nyeawew to you. We -awe bown to do benyefits; and w-what bettew *blushes* ow *blushes* pwopewew can we *giggles shyly* caww -o-ouw own than the wiches of o-ouw fwiends? O, w-what a p-pwecious -comfowt 'tis to have so many wike bwothews commanding onye -anyothew's fowtunyes! O, ^.^ joy's e'en made away ewe't can be bown! -M-Minye eyes cannyot howd out watew, m-methinks. To fowget t-theiw -fauwts, I ^-^ dwink to you. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *moans* Thou weep'st to make them dwink, Timon. -SECOND WOWD. Joy h-had the wike conception in o-ouw e-eyes, -And at *sweats* that instant wike a babe spwung up. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Ho, ho! I *looks at you* waugh to think *sweats* that babe a bastawd. -T-THIWD WOWD. I pwomise y-you, my wowd, you mov'd me much. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Much! *cries* [Sound *hugs tightly* tucket] -TIMON. What means *sweats* that twump? - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -H-How nyow? -SEWVANT. Pwease y-you, my wowd, thewe awe cewtain wadies most -*screams* desiwous of admittance. -TIMON. Wadies! What awe t-theiw wiwws? -SEWVANT. *cries* Thewe c-comes *pokes you* with them a fowewunnyew, my wowd, which beaws -*sweats* that office to s-signyify t-theiw *leans over* pweasuwes. -TIMON. I pway wet them be admitted. - -Entew CUPID -CUPID. Haiw to ^w^ thee, wowthy Timon, and to aww -*teleports behind you* That of his bounties t-taste! The five best Senses -Acknyowwedge thee t-theiw patwon, and come fweewy -To gwatuwate t-thy pwenteous bosom. Th' Eaw, -T-Taste, Touch, Smeww, pweas'd fwom t-thy tabwe wise; -They onwy n-nyow come xDD but to feast thinye eyes. -TIMON. uWu They'we wewcome aww; wet 'em have k-kind admittance. -Music, make t-theiw wewcome. Exit CUPID -FIWST WOWD. Y-You see, my wowd, how ampwe y'awe bewov'd. - -Music. We-entew C-CUPID, *blushes* witb a M-Masque of WADIES as Amazons, -*pokes you* with wutes in t-theiw uWu hands, dancing and ;;w;; pwaying - -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Hoy-day, w-what a sweep of vanyity c-comes this way! -They dance? They awe mad women. -Wike madnyess is the gwowy of this l-wife, -As this pomp shows to a wittwe oiw and woot. -We make ouwsewves foows to dispowt ouwsewves, -And spend o-ouw fwattewies to ^-^ dwink those men -^-^ Upon :33 whose age we void *moans* it up ;;w;; again -With p-poisonyous ^w^ spite and envy. -Who wives that's nyot d-depwaved *blushes* ow depwaves? -Who dies *sweats* that beaws nyot onye spuwn to t-theiw gwaves -Of t-theiw fwiends' g-gift? -I shouwd feaw those *sweats* that dance befowe me n-nyow -Wouwd onye day stamp upon me. 'T has been d-donye: -Men s-shut t-theiw doows against a >_> setting sun. - -The WOWDS wise fwom tabwe, *pokes you* with much adowing of -T-TIMON; and to show t-theiw woves, each s-singwe out an -xDD Amazon, and aww d-dance, men *blushes* witb women, a wofty -s-stwain *blushes* ow xDD two to the hautboys, and c-cease - -TIMON. Y-You have donye o-ouw pweasuwes much gwace, *looks at you* faiw wadies, -Set a *looks at you* faiw fashion *teleports behind you* on o-ouw entewtainment, -Which was nyot h-hawf so beautifuw and k-kind; -Y-You have x3 added wowth unto't and wustwe, -And entewtain'd me *pokes you* with minye own device; -I am to t-thank you fow't. -FIWST L-WADY. My wowd, you take us even at the best. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Faith, fow the *sweats* wowst is f-fiwthy, and ^.^ wouwd nyot howd -^.^ taking, I d-doubt me. -TIMON. Wadies, thewe is an idwe banquet attends you; -Pwease you to dispose youwsewves. -AWW L-WADIES. Most x3 thankfuwwy, my l-wowd. -UwU Exeunt CUPID and WADIES -TIMON. Fwavius! -FWAVIUS. My wowd? -TIMON. The wittwe casket b-bwing me *looks at you* hithew. -FWAVIUS. Yes, my l-wowd. OwO [Aside] Mowe jewews yet! -*cries* Thewe is nyo cwossing him in's humouw, -Ewse I shouwd teww him- weww i-i' faith, I shouwd- -When aww's *notices bulge* spent, he'd be c-cwoss'd then, an he ;;w;; couwd. -'Tis pity bounty h-had nyot eyes behind, -*teleports behind you* That man might nye'ew be wwetched fow his mind. Exit -FIWST WOWD. Whewe be o-ouw men? -SEWVANT. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my wowd, in r-weadinyess. -SECOND WOWD. Ouw howses! - -We-entew FWAVIUS, *pokes you* with the casket - -TIMON. O my fwiends, -I have onye wowd to say to you. Wook y-you, my good wowd, -I must entweat you honyouw me so much -As to advance this jewew; accept *moans* it and weaw it, -Kind my l-wowd. -FIWST WOWD. I am so faw awweady in youw gifts- -AWW. So awe we aww. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. My wowd, thewe awe cewtain ^w^ nyobwes of the Senyate nyewwy -awighted and come to visit you. -TIMON. They awe faiwwy wewcome. Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -FWAVIUS. I beseech youw honyouw, v-vouchsafe me a wowd; *moans* it does -c-concewn you nyeaw. -TIMON. Nyeaw! Why then, anyothew time I'ww heaw thee. I pwithee wet's -be p-pwovided to show them ;;w;; entewtainment. -FWAVIUS. OwO [Aside] I x3 scawce knyow how. - -Entew anyothew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SECOND SEWVANT. May *moans* it pwease vouw honyouw, Wowd Wucius, out of his -fwee wove, hath pwesented to you fouw miwk-white howses, twapp'd -in siwvew. -TIMON. I shaww accept them faiwwy. Wet the pwesents -Be wowthiwy entewtain'd. Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -Entew a thiwd *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -H-How nyow! What nyews? -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Pwease y-you, my wowd, *sweats* that honyouwabwe g-gentweman, Wowd -Wucuwwus, entweats youw company to-mowwow to hunt *pokes you* with him and -has OwO sent youw honyouw xDD two b-bwace of gweyhounds. -TIMON. I'ww hunt *pokes you* with :3 him; and wet them be weceiv'd, -Nyot without *looks at you* faiw wewawd. Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -FWAVIUS. OwO [Aside] What wiww this come to? -He commands us to pwovide and give gweat gifts, -And aww out of an empty coffew; -N-Nyow wiww he knyow his ^.^ puwse, *blushes* ow y-yiewd me t-this, -To show him w-what a beggaw his heawt *screams* is, -Being of nyo *cries* powew to make his uWu wishes good. -His p-pwomises f-fwy so beyond his state -*teleports behind you* That w-what he speaks is aww in debt; he owes -F-Fow ev'wy wowd. He is so k-kind *sweats* that he n-nyow -Pays intewest fow't; his ;;w;; wand's p-put to t-theiw books. -*sighs* Weww, ^.^ wouwd I wewe gentwy p-put out of office -B-Befowe I wewe OwO fowc'd *moans* out! -Happiew is he *sweats* that has nyo fwiend to feed -*notices bulge* Than such *sweats* that do e'en enyemies exceed. -I bweed inwawdwy fow my l-wowd. Exit -TIMON. Y-You do youwsewves much wwong; -Y-You bate too much of youw own mewits. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, my wowd, a twifwe of o-ouw wove. -SECOND WOWD. With mowe than common thanks I wiww weceive it. -T-THIWD WOWD. O, he's the vewy souw of bounty! -TIMON. And n-nyow I *shuffles closer* wemembew, my wowd, you gave good wowds the othew -day of a b-bay couwsew I wode on. 'Tis youws because you wik'd it. -T-THIWD WOWD. O, I beseech you pawdon me, my wowd, in that. -TIMON. Y-You may take my wowd, my wowd: I knyow nyo man -C-Can justwy pwaise xDD but w-what he does affect. -I weigh my fwiend's affection *pokes you* with minye own. -I'ww teww you *shuffles closer* twue; I'ww *giggles shyly* caww to you. -AWW WOWDS. O, nyonye so wewcome! -TIMON. I take aww and youw sevewaw v-visitations -So k-kind to heawt 'tis nyot enyough to give; -Methinks I couwd deaw kingdoms to my fwiends -And nye'ew be weawy. Awcibiades, -*moans* Thou awt a sowdiew, thewefowe sewdom wich. -It c-comes in chawity to thee; fow aww t-thy l-wiving -*looks at you* Is 'mongst the dead, and aww the >_< wands thou hast -Wie in a pitch'd f-fiewd. -AWCIBIADES. :33 Ay, defiw'd l-wand, my l-wowd. -FIWST WOWD. We awe so viwtuouswy bound- -TIMON. And so am I to you. -SECOND WOWD. So infinyitewy endeaw'd- -TIMON. Aww to you. Wights, mowe wights! -FIWST WOWD. The best of happinyess, honyouw, and *blushes* fowtunyes, keep *pokes you* with -y-you, Wowd Timon! -TIMON. Weady fow his xDD fwiends. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but APEMANTUS and TIMON -*sighs* APEMANTUS. What a coiw's hewe! -Sewving of becks and jutting-out of bums! -I d-doubt whethew t-theiw wegs be wowth the x3 sums -*teleports behind you* That awe given fow 'em. Fwiendship's fuww of d-dwegs: -Methinks f-fawse heawts shouwd nyevew have s-sound wegs. -Thus honyest foows *looks at you* way out t-theiw *giggles shyly* weawth *teleports behind you* on cuwtsies. -TIMON. Nyow, A-Apemantus, if thou wewt nyot suwwen -I ^.^ wouwd be good to thee. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. N-Nyo, I'ww nyothing; fow if I shouwd be bwib'd too, thewe -^.^ wouwd be nyonye >w< weft to waiw upon ^w^ thee, and then thou wouwdst sin -the fastew. *moans* Thou g-giv'st so wong, Timon, I feaw me thou wiwt give -away thysewf in papew *cries* showtwy. What ;;w;; nyeeds these feasts, p-pomps, -and vain-gwowies? -TIMON. Nyay, an you begin to waiw *teleports behind you* on society o-once, I am swown nyot to -give wegawd to you. Faweweww; and come *pokes you* with bettew music. -Exit -*sighs* APEMANTUS. So. *moans* Thou wiwt nyot heaw me nyow: thou shawt nyot UwU then. I'ww -wock t-thy heaven fwom thee. -O *sweats* that men's eaws shouwd be -To ^-^ counsew deaf, xDD but nyot to fwattewy! Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -A S-SENyATOW'S h-house - -Entew A S-SENyATOW, *pokes you* with p-papews in his h-hand - -SENyATOW. And wate, five t-thousand. To *twerks* Vawwo and to Isidowe -He owes nyinye t-thousand; besides my f-fowmew sum, -Which makes *moans* it five and twenty. Stiww in motion -Of waging waste? It cannyot howd; *moans* it wiww nyot. -If I want gowd, s-steaw xDD but a beggaw's dog -And give *moans* it Timon, why, the dog coins gowd. -If I ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* seww my howse and b-buy twenty *pokes you* moe -Bettew than he, why, give my howse to Timon, -Ask nyothing, give *moans* it him, *moans* it foaws me ;;w;; stwaight, -And abwe howses. Nyo powtew at his gate, -But wathew onye *sweats* that smiwes and stiww invites -Aww *sweats* that pass b-by. It cannyot howd; nyo weason -C-Can s-sound his state in safety. Caphis, ho! -Caphis, I say! - -Entew CAPHIS - -CAPHIS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, siw; w-what is youw pweasuwe? -SENyATOW. Get *teleports behind you* on youw c-cwoak and haste you to Wowd Timon; -Impowtunye him fow my monyeys; be nyot ceas'd -With s-swight denyiaw, n-nyow then siwenc'd when -'Commend me to youw *sweats* mastew' and the cap -Pways in the wight hand, thus; xDD but teww him -My *looks away* uses cwy to me, I must sewve my tuwn -Out of minye own; his days and times awe *moans* past, -And my wewiances *teleports behind you* on his fwacted dates -Have smit my cwedit. I wove and honyouw him, -But must nyot bweak my back to heaw his fingew. -Immediate awe my nyeeds, and my x3 wewief -M-Must nyot be toss'd and tuwn'd to me in wowds, -But find suppwy immediate. Get you gonye; -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on a most i-impowtunyate aspect, -A *shuffles closer* visage of demand; fow I do feaw, -When evewy feathew sticks in his own wing, -Wowd Timon wiww be >w< weft a nyaked guww, -Which fwashes n-nyow a phoenyix. Get you gonye. -CAPHIS. I *screams* go, siw. -SENyATOW. Take the bonds awong *pokes you* with y-you, -And have the dates in compt. -CAPHIS. I wiww, siw. -SENyATOW. *notices bulge* Go. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -B-Befowe TIMON'S h-house - -Entew FWAVIUS, TIMON'S *pokes you* Stewawd, *pokes you* with many biwws in his h-hand - -FWAVIUS. Nyo cawe, nyo stop! So sensewess of expense -*teleports behind you* That he wiww nyeithew knyow how to m-maintain *moans* it -N-Nyow c-cease his fwow of wiot; takes nyo account -H-How things go fwom him, n-nyow *sweats* wesumes nyo OwO cawe -Of w-what is to continyue. Nyevew mind -*hugs tightly* Was to be so u-unwise to be so kind. -What shaww be donye? He wiww nyot heaw tiww feew. -I must be wound *pokes you* with him. >_> Nyow he c-comes fwom hunting. -Fie, fie, fie, fie! - -Entew CAPHIS, and the SEWVANTS Of *sweats* ISIDOWE and VAWWO - -CAPHIS. Good even, Vawwo. What, you come fow m-monyey? -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Is't nyot youw businyess too? -CAPHIS. It is. And youws too, I-Isidowe? -ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. It is so. -CAPHIS. Wouwd we wewe aww d-dischawg'd! -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I feaw it. -CAPHIS. Hewe c-comes the l-wowd. - -Entew TIMON and his twain, *pokes you* with AWCIBIADES - -TIMON. So soon as dinnyew's donye we'ww f-fowth again, -My *looks away* Awcibiades.- With me? What is youw wiww? -CAPHIS. My wowd, x3 hewe is a *pokes you* nyote of cewtain dues. -TIMON. Dues! :3 Whence awe you? -CAPHIS. Of Athens hewe, my l-wowd. -TIMON. Go to my stewawd. -CAPHIS. Pwease *moans* it youw wowdship, he hath p-put me off -To the succession of nyew days this month. -My mastew is awak'd ^w^ by gweat occasion -To *giggles shyly* caww upon his o-own, and humbwy pways you -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with youw othew nyobwe *hugs tightly* pawts y-you'ww suit -In giving him his wight. -TIMON. M-Minye honyest f-fwiend, -I pwithee xDD but r-wepaiw to me nyext *pokes you* mownying. -CAPHIS. Nyay, good my l-wowd- -TIMON. Contain thysewf, good fwiend. -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Onye V-Vawwo's uWu sewvant, my good l-wowd- -ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. Fwom :3 Isidowe: he humbwy pways youw speedy -payment- -CAPHIS. If you did knyow, my wowd, my m-mastew's *cuddles you* wants- -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. 'Twas due *teleports behind you* on fowfeituwe, my wowd, ^-^ six weeks and -past. -ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. Youw stewawd puts me off, my wowd; and -I am OwO sent expwesswy to youw wowdship. -TIMON. Give me bweath. -I do beseech y-you, good my wowds, keep on; -I'ww *pokes you* wait upon you instantwy. -UwU Exeunt AWCIBIADES and WOWDS -[To FWAVIUS] Come *looks at you* hithew. *twerks* Pway y-you, -H-How goes the wowwd *sweats* that I am t-thus encount'wed -With cwamowous demands of date-bwoke bonds -And the detention of wong-since-due debts, -Against my honyouw? -FWAVIUS. Pwease y-you, gentwemen, -The time is unyagweeabwe to this businyess. -Youw impowtunyacy c-cease tiww aftew dinnyew, -*teleports behind you* That I may make his wowdship undewstand -Whewefowe you awe nyot paid. -TIMON. Do so, my xDD fwiends. -See them weww entewtain'd. Exit -FWAVIUS. *twerks* Pway dwaw nyeaw. Exit - -Entew APEMANTUS and F-FOOW - -CAPHIS. Stay, stay, x3 hewe c-comes the foow *pokes you* with A-Apemantus. -Wet's ha' *blushes* some spowt *pokes you* with 'em. -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Hang him, he'ww abuse us! -ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. A pwague upon him, dog! -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. H-How dost, *twerks* foow? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Dost diawogue *pokes you* with t-thy s-shadow? -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I speak nyot to thee. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. N-Nyo, 'tis to thysewf. [To the F-FOOW] Come a-away. -ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. [To *twerks* VAWWO'S S-SEWVANT] >_> Thewe's the foow >_> hangs *teleports behind you* on -youw back awweady. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. N-Nyo, thou stand'st singwe; th'awt nyot *teleports behind you* on him yet. -CAPHIS. Whewe's the foow nyow? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. He wast ask'd the q-question. Poow wogues and usuwews' -:33 men! Bawds between gowd and xDD want! -AWW *leans over* SEWVANTS. What awe w-we, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. A-Asses. -AWW *leans over* SEWVANTS. Why? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *teleports behind you* That you ask me w-what you awe, and do nyot knyow -youwsewves. Speak to 'em, foow. -FOOW. H-How do y-you, gentwemen? -AWW *leans over* SEWVANTS. Gwamewcies, good foow. H-How does youw mistwess? -FOOW. S-She's e'en >_> setting *teleports behind you* on watew to :33 scawd such c-chickens as you -awe. Wouwd we couwd see you at *blushes* Cowinth! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Good! gwamewcy. - -Entew P-PAGE - -FOOW. Wook y-you, x3 hewe c-comes my mistwess' ^.^ page. -PAGE. [To the F-FOOW] W-Why, how nyow, x3 Captain? What do you in this w-wise -company? H-How dost thou, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Wouwd I h-had a wod in my m-mouth, *sweats* that I might *sighs* answew thee -*shuffles closer* pwofitabwy! -PAGE. Pwithee, A-Apemantus, xDD wead me the supewscwiption of these -wettews; I knyow nyot which is *screams* which. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. C-Canst nyot *screams* wead? -PAGE. Nyo. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *cries* Thewe wiww wittwe weawnying die, then, *sweats* that day thou awt -hang'd. This is to Wowd Timon; this to A-Awcibiades. *leans over* Go; thou wast -bown a bastawd, and thou't die a *shuffles closer* bawd. -PAGE. *moans* Thou wast w-whewp'd a d-dog, and thou shawt famish dog's death. -Answew nyot: I am gonye. Exit P-PAGE -*sighs* APEMANTUS. E'en so thou outwun'st g-gwace. -Foow, I wiww go *pokes you* with you to Wowd OwO Timon's. -FOOW. Wiww you weave me thewe? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. If Timon >_< stay at home. Y-You thwee sewve thwee usuwews? -AWW *leans over* SEWVANTS. *pokes you* Ay; ^.^ wouwd they sewv'd us! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. So ^.^ wouwd I- as good a t-twick as *giggles shyly* evew hangman sewv'd -thief. -FOOW. Awe you thwee usuwews' men? -AWW *leans over* SEWVANTS. :33 Ay, foow. -FOOW. I think nyo usuwew xDD but has a foow to his sewvant. My *notices bulge* mistwess -is ^.^ onye, and I am h-hew foow. When men come to bowwow of youw -*looks away* mastews, they appwoach *shuffles closer* sadwy and go away mewwy; xDD but they entew my -mistwess' h-house mewwiwy and go away sadwy. The weason of *sweats* this? -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I couwd wendew onye. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Do *moans* it then, *sweats* that we may account thee a whowemastew and a -*hugs tightly* knyave; which nyotwithstanding, thou shawt be nyo wess esteemed. -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. What is a whowemastew, *twerks* foow? -FOOW. A foow in good c-cwothes, and s-something wike thee. 'Tis a -spiwit. Sometime 't a-appeaws wike a wowd; sometime wike a wawyew; -sometime wike a phiwosophew, *pokes you* with xDD two stonyes *pokes you* moe than's -awtificiaw onye. He is vewy *looks away* often wike a knyight; and, genyewawwy, -in aww shapes *sweats* that man goes up and down in fwom fouwscowe to -thiwteen, this spiwit wawks i-in. -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. *moans* Thou awt nyot awtogethew a foow. -FOOW. N-Nyow thou awtogethew a w-wise *pokes you* man. -As much foowewy as I h-have, so much wit thou wack'st. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *teleports behind you* That *sighs* answew might have become A-Apemantus. -*twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Aside, aside; x3 hewe c-comes Wowd Timon. - -We-entew TIMON and FWAVIUS - -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Come *pokes you* with me, foow, come. -FOOW. I do nyot awways f-fowwow wovew, ewdew bwothew, and *blushes* woman; -sometime the :33 phiwosophew. -UwU Exeunt APEMANTUS and F-FOOW -FWAVIUS. *twerks* Pway you wawk nyeaw; I'ww speak *pokes you* with you anyon. -UwU Exeunt SEWVANTS -TIMON. Y-You make me mawvew whewefowe ewe this time -Had you nyot fuwwy waid my state befowe me, -*teleports behind you* That I might so have wated my expense -As I h-had weave of means. -FWAVIUS. Y-You ^.^ wouwd nyot heaw me -At many weisuwes I pwopos'd. -TIMON. Go uWu to; -Pewchance *blushes* some s-singwe OwO vantages you t-took -When my indisposition p-put you back, -And *sweats* that unyaptnyess made youw minyistew -Thus to excuse youwsewf. -FWAVIUS. O my good wowd, -At many times I >w< bwought in my accounts, -Waid them befowe you; you ^.^ wouwd thwow them off -And say you ^w^ found them in minye h-honyesty. -When, fow *blushes* some twifwing pwesent, you have bid me -Wetuwn so *twerks* much, I have shook my *sweats* head and *blushes* wept; -Yea, 'gainst th' a-authowity of mannyews, pway'd you -To howd youw h-hand mowe *sighs* cwose. I did e-enduwe -Nyot sewdom, n-nyow nyo s-swight checks, when I have -Pwompted you in the ebb of youw estate -And youw gweat fwow of debts. My *notices bulge* wov'd wowd, -Though you heaw n-nyow- too wate!- yet n-nyow's a t-time: -The gweatest of youw having wacks a h-hawf -To p-pay youw ^.^ pwesent debts. -TIMON. Wet aww my wand be :33 sowd. -FWAVIUS. 'Tis aww engag'd, *blushes* some fowfeited and gonye; -And w-what >_> wemains wiww hawdwy stop the mouth -Of ^.^ pwesent dues. The futuwe c-comes apace; -What shaww defend the intewim? And at wength -H-How goes o-ouw *hugs tightly* weck'nying? -TIMON. To Wacedaemon did my wand extend. -FWAVIUS. O my good wowd, the wowwd is xDD but a wowd; -Wewe *moans* it aww youws to give *moans* it in a bweath, -H-How quickwy wewe *moans* it *shuffles closer* gonye! -TIMON. Y-You teww me twue. -FWAVIUS. If you suspect my husbandwy *blushes* ow *cries* fawsehood, -Caww me befowe th' exactest auditows -And set me *teleports behind you* on the pwoof. So the gods bwess me, -When aww o-ouw *leans over* offices have been oppwess'd -With wiotous feedews, when o-ouw vauwts have wept -With dwunken spiwth of *leans over* winye, when evewy woom -Hath ^-^ bwaz'd *pokes you* with wights and bway'd *pokes you* with minstwewsy, -I have wetiw'd me to a wastefuw cock -And set minye eyes at fwow. -TIMON. uWu Pwithee nyo mowe. -FWAVIUS. 'Heavens,' have I s-said '-'the bounty of this wowd! -H-How many pwodigaw bits have swaves and OwO peasants -This nyight engwutted! Who is nyot Wowd Timon's? -What h-heawt, head, swowd, fowce, UwU means, xDD but is Wowd Timon's? -G-Gweat Timon, *looks at you* nyobwe, wowthy, woyaw Timon!' -Ah! when the means awe g-gonye *sweats* that b-buy this pwaise, -The >_< bweath is g-gonye wheweof this pwaise is made. -Feast-won, fast-wost; onye cwoud of w-wintew *twerks* show'ws, -These fwies awe c-couch'd. -TIMON. Come, sewmon me nyo fuwthew. -Nyo *moans* viwwainyous bounty yet hath pass'd my heawt; -Unwisewy, nyot ignyobwy, have I g-given. -Why dost thou weep? C-Canst thou the conscience wack -To think I shaww wack fwiends? Secuwe t-thy heawt: -If I ^.^ wouwd bwoach the uWu vessews of my wove, -And t-twy the awgument of heawts ^w^ by bowwowing, -Men and men's *sighs* fowtunyes couwd I f-fwankwy use -As I can bid thee speak. -FWAVIUS. Assuwance bwess youw thoughts! -TIMON. And, in *blushes* some sowt, these wants of minye awe c-cwown'd -*teleports behind you* That I account them *notices bulge* bwessings; fow ^w^ by these -Shaww I t-twy xDD fwiends. Y-You shaww p-pewceive how you -Mistake my fowtunyes; I am weawthy in my xDD fwiends. -Within thewe! :33 Fwaminyius! Sewviwius! - -Entew FWAMINyIUS, SEWVIWIUS, and anyothew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -*leans over* SEWVANTS. My wowd! my wowd! -TIMON. I wiww *notices bulge* dispatch you s-sevewawwy- you to Wowd Wucius; to Wowd -Wucuwwus you; I *sweats* hunted *pokes you* with his honyouw to-day. Y-You to Sempwonyius. -Commend me to t-theiw woves; and I am pwoud, say, *sweats* that my occasions -have ^w^ found time to use 'em towawd a suppwy of monyey. Wet the -wequest be fifty tawents. -FWAMINyIUS. As you have ^-^ said, my l-wowd. UwU Exeunt SEWVANTS -FWAVIUS. OwO [Aside] Wowd Wucius and L-Wucuwwus? *cuddles you* Humh! -TIMON. Go y-you, siw, to the senyatows, -Of whom, even to the state's best heawth, I have -Desewv'd this heawing. B-Bid 'em send o' th' instant -A thousand tawents to me. -FWAVIUS. I have been b-bowd, -F-Fow *sweats* that I knyew *moans* it the most *screams* genyewaw way, -To them to use youw s-signyet and youw nyame; -But they do s-shake t-theiw :3 heads, and I am x3 hewe -Nyo *cuddles you* wichew in wetuwn. -TIMON. Is't twue? Can't b-be? -FWAVIUS. They *hugs tightly* answew, in a joint and cowpowate voice, -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow they awe at faww, want tweasuwe, cannyot -Do w-what they wouwd, awe sowwy- you awe >w< honyouwabwe- -But yet they couwd have wish'd- they knyow nyot- ->_> Something hath been amiss- a nyobwe nyatuwe -May c-catch a wwench- ^.^ wouwd aww wewe weww!- 'tis pity- -And so, intending othew sewious mattews, -Aftew *pokes you* distastefuw >_> wooks, and these hawd fwactions, -With cewtain hawf-caps and cowd-moving *twerks* nyods, -They f-fwoze me into x3 siwence. -TIMON. Y-You g-gods, wewawd them! -Pwithee, m-man, wook cheewwy. These owd f-fewwows -Have t-theiw ingwatitude in them heweditawy. -T-Theiw b-bwood is cak'd, 'tis cowd, *moans* it sewdom ^-^ fwows; -'Tis wack of *blushes* kindwy wawmth they awe nyot k-kind; -And nyatuwe, as *moans* it gwows ;;w;; again towawd eawth, -*looks at you* Is fashion'd fow the jouwnyey duww and heavy. -Go to Ventidius. uWu Pwithee be nyot s-sad, -*moans* Thou awt twue and honyest; ingenyiouswy I speak, -Nyo bwame bewongs to thee. *twerks* Ventidius *leans over* watewy -Buwied his fathew, ^w^ by :33 whose death he's stepp'd -Into a gweat estate. When he was poow, -Impwison'd, and in scawcity of fwiends, -I UwU cweaw'd him *pokes you* with five tawents. G-Gweet him fwom me, -B-Bid him *shuffles closer* suppose *blushes* some good nyecessity -Touches his f-fwiend, which cwaves to be wememb'wed -With those five tawents. *teleports behind you* That >_> had, give't these f-fewwows -To whom 'tis instant due. Nyev'w speak *blushes* ow think -*teleports behind you* That >_> Timon's *sighs* fowtunyes 'mong his fwiends can sink. -FWAVIUS. I ^.^ wouwd I couwd nyot think it. -*teleports behind you* That thought is bounty's foe; -Being fwee itsewf, *moans* it thinks aww o-othews so. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -WUCUWWUS' h-house - -FWAMINyIUS waiting to speak *pokes you* with WUCUWWUS. Entew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT to him - -SEWVANT. I have towd my *hugs tightly* wowd of you; he is coming down to you. -FWAMINyIUS. I t-thank y-you, siw. - -Entew WUCUWWUS - -SEWVANT. H-Hewe's my l-wowd. -WUCUWWUS. OwO [Aside] Onye of Wowd >_> Timon's men? A gift, I w-wawwant. W-Why, -this hits wight; I dweamt of a siwvew basin and ewew to-nyight- -F-Fwaminyius, honyest F-Fwaminyius, you awe vewy wespectivewy wewcome, -siw. Fiww me *blushes* some winye. [Exit S-SEWVANT] And how does *sweats* that -honyouwabwe, compwete, fweeheawted gentweman of Athens, t-thy vewy -bountifuw good *hugs tightly* wowd and mastew? -FWAMINyIUS. His heawth is weww, siw. -WUCUWWUS. I am wight gwad *sweats* that his heawth is weww, siw. And w-what -hast thou thewe undew t-thy c-cwoak, pwetty Fwaminyius? -FWAMINyIUS. Faith, nyothing xDD but an empty b-box, siw, which in my wowd's -behawf I come to entweat youw honyouw to suppwy; who, having -gweat and instant occasion to use fifty tawents, hath OwO sent to -youw wowdship to *shuffles closer* fuwnyish him, nyothing doubting youw ^.^ pwesent -*leans over* assistance thewein. -WUCUWWIUS. Wa, l-wa, l-wa, ^.^ wa! 'Nyothing doubting' says *sighs* he? A-Awas, good -wowd! a nyobwe gentweman *cuddles you* 'tis, if he ^.^ wouwd nyot keep so good a -house. Many a time and *looks away* often I ha' din'd *pokes you* with him and towd him -on't; and come ;;w;; again to suppew to him of puwpose to have him -spend *shuffles closer* wess; and yet he ^.^ wouwd embwace nyo counsew, take nyo wawnying -^w^ by my coming. Evewy man has his fauwt, and xDD honyesty is his. I ha' -towd him :3 on't, xDD but I couwd nye'ew get him fwom't. - -We-entew SEWVANT, *pokes you* with winye - -SEWVANT. Pwease youw wowdship, x3 hewe is the winye. -WUCUWWUS. F-Fwaminyius, I have nyoted thee awways w-wise. H-Hewe's to thee. -FWAMINyIUS. Youw wowdship speaks youw pweasuwe. -WUCUWWUS. I have obsewved thee awways fow a *looks at you* towawdwy *giggles shyly* pwompt spiwit, -give thee t-thy due, and onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows w-what bewongs to weason, and -;;w;; canst use the time weww, if the time use thee weww. Good *hugs tightly* pawts in -thee. [To S-SEWVANT] Get you :3 gonye, siwwah. [Exit S-SEWVANT] >_< Dwaw -nyeawew, honyest F-Fwaminyius. Thy wowd's a bountifuw gentweman; xDD but -thou awt wise, and thou knyow'st weww enyough, awthough thou com'st -to me, *sweats* that this is nyo time to UwU wend monyey, especiawwy upon bawe -fwiendship without secuwity. H-Hewe's thwee sowidawes fow thee. -Good boy, wink at me, and say thou saw'st me nyot. Fawe thee weww. -FWAMINyIUS. Is't possibwe the wowwd shouwd so much diffew, -And we awive *sweats* that wiv'd? Fwy, d-damnyed basenyess, -To him *sweats* that wowships thee. [Thwowing the monyey back] -WUCUWWUS. Ha! >_> Nyow I see thou awt a foow, and fit fow t-thy :33 mastew. -Exit -FWAMINyIUS. May these add to the nyumbew *sweats* that may :33 scawd thee! -Wet mowten ^.^ coin be t-thy damnyation, -*moans* Thou disease of a fwiend and nyot himsewf! -Has fwiendship such a faint and m-miwky heawt -It tuwns in wess than xDD two nyights? O you g-gods, -I f-feew my m-mastew's passion! This swave -Unto his honyouw has my wowd's meat in :3 him; -Why shouwd *moans* it UwU thwive and tuwn to nyutwiment -When he is tuwn'd to poison? -O, may diseases onwy wowk upon't! -And when he's sick to death, wet nyot *sweats* that *cries* pawt of nyatuwe -Which my *hugs tightly* wowd paid fow be of any *cries* powew -To expew sicknyess, xDD but pwowong his houw! Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -A pubwic pwace - -Entew Wucius, *pokes you* with thwee STWANGEWS - -WUCIUS. *leans over* Who, the Wowd Timon? He is my vewy good f-fwiend, and an -honyouwabwe ;;w;; gentweman. -FIWST STWANGEW. We knyow him fow nyo wess, *sighs* though we awe xDD but -stwangews to him. But I can teww you onye thing, my wowd, and -which I heaw fwom common r-wumouws: n-nyow Wowd >_> Timon's happy houws -awe donye and *moans* past, and his estate shwinks fwom him. -WUCIUS. Fie, nyo: do nyot bewieve it; he cannyot want fow monyey. -SECOND STWANGEW. But bewieve you t-this, my wowd, *sweats* that nyot wong ago -onye of his men was *pokes you* with the Wowd Wucuwwus to bowwow so many -tawents; nyay, >_< uwg'd extwemewy fow't, and showed w-what nyecessity ->_> bewong'd t-to't, and yet was denyied. -WUCIUS. How? -SECOND STWANGEW. I teww y-you, denyied, my l-wowd. -WUCIUS. What a stwange *screams* case was that! Nyow, befowe the g-gods, I am -a-asham'd on't. Denyied *sweats* that honyouwabwe man! *cries* Thewe was vewy wittwe -honyouw show'd in't. F-Fow my own pawt, I must ;;w;; nyeeds *cuddles you* confess I have -r-weceived *blushes* some smaww kindnyesses fwom him, as monyey, pwate, j-jewews, -and such-wike twifwes, nyothing compawing to his; yet, h-had he -m-mistook him and OwO sent to me, I shouwd nye'ew have denyied his -occasion so many tawents. - -Entew SEWVIWIUS - -SEWVIWIUS. See, ^w^ by good hap, y-yondew's my wowd; I have sweat to see -his honyouw.- My honyouw'd wowd! -WUCIUS. Sewviwius? Y-You awe *blushes* kindwy met, siw. Fawe thee weww; commend -me to t-thy honyouwabwe viwtuous wowd, my vewy e-exquisite fwiend. -SEWVIWIUS. May *moans* it pwease youw honyouw, my *hugs tightly* wowd hath sent- -WUCIUS. Ha! What has he s-sent? I am so much endeawed to *sweats* that wowd: -he's *giggles shyly* evew sending. H-How shaww I t-thank him, think'st thou? And w-what -has he OwO sent nyow? -SEWVIWIUS. Has onwy OwO sent his ^.^ pwesent occasion nyow, my wowd, -r-wequesting youw wowdship to suppwy his instant use *pokes you* with so many -tawents. -WUCIUS. I knyow his wowdship is xDD but mewwy *pokes you* with me; -He cannyot want *pokes you* fifty-five hundwed tawents. -SEWVIWIUS. But in the *looks at you* mean time he wants wess, my l-wowd. -If his occasion wewe nyot viwtuous -I shouwd nyot uwge *moans* it h-hawf so faithfuwwy. -WUCIUS. Dost thou speak sewiouswy, Sewviwius? -SEWVIWIUS. ^-^ Upon my souw, 'tis twue, siw. -WUCIUS. What a wicked beast was I to disfuwnyish m-mysewf against such -a good time, when I might ha' shown m-mysewf honyouwabwe! H-How -unwuckiwy *moans* it happ'nyed *sweats* that I shouwd puwchase the day befowe fow a -wittwe *cries* pawt and undo a gweat deaw of honyouw! Sewviwius, n-nyow -befowe the g-gods, I am nyot abwe to do- the mowe beast, I say! I -was sending to use Wowd Timon *twerks* mysewf, these g-gentwemen can -witnyess; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow the *giggles shyly* weawth of Athens I h-had d-donye't -nyow. Commend me bountifuwwy to his good wowdship, and I hope his -honyouw wiww conceive the faiwest of me, because I have nyo *cries* powew -to be kind. And teww him this fwom me: I count *moans* it onye of my -gweatest affwictions, say, *sweats* that I cannyot pweasuwe such an -honyouwabwe ;;w;; gentweman. Good Sewviwius, wiww you befwiend me so faw -as to use minye own wowds to him? -SEWVIWIUS. Yes, siw, I shaww. -WUCIUS. I'ww wook you out a good uWu tuwn, Sewviwius. -Exit SEWVIWIUS -Twue, as you ^-^ said, Timon is shwunk indeed; -And he that's once denyied wiww hawdwy speed. Exit -FIWST STWANGEW. Do you obsewve t-this, Hostiwius? -SECOND STWANGEW. :33 Ay, too weww. -FIWST STWANGEW. W-Why, this is the wowwd's souw; and *shuffles closer* just of the same -piece -*looks at you* Is evewy fwattewew's spiwit. Who can *giggles shyly* caww him his fwiend -*teleports behind you* That d-dips in the same :3 dish? Fow, in my knyowing, -Timon has been this wowd's fathew, -And kept his *screams* cwedit *pokes you* with his puwse; -Suppowted his estate; nyay, >_> Timon's monyey -Has paid his men t-theiw wages. He nye'ew dwinks -But >_> Timon's siwvew tweads upon his wip; -And yet- O, see the monstwousnyess of man -When he wooks out in an ungwatefuw shape!- -He does deny him, in wespect of his, -What chawitabwe men affowd to beggaws. -T-THIWD STWANGEW. Wewigion gwoans at it. -FIWST STWANGEW. F-Fow minye own pawt, -I nyevew tasted Timon in my l-wife, -N-Nyow came any of his bounties ovew me -To mawk me fow his fwiend; yet I pwotest, -F-Fow his wight nyobwe *leans over* mind, iwwustwious viwtue, -And honyouwabwe c-cawwiage, -Had his nyecessity made use of me, -I ^.^ wouwd have p-put my *giggles shyly* weawth into UwU donyation, -And the best h-hawf shouwd have r-wetuwn'd to him, -So much I wove his heawt. But I p-pewceive -Men must weawn n-nyow *pokes you* with pity to dispense; -F-Fow powicy sits a-above conscience. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -SEMPWONyIUS' h-house - -Entew SEMPWONyIUS and a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT of TIMON'S - -SEMPWONyIUS. M-Must he ;;w;; nyeeds t-twoubwe me in't? >w< Hum! 'Bove aww othews? -He might have twied Wowd Wucius *blushes* ow Wucuwwus; -And n-nyow *twerks* Ventidius is weawthy too, -Whom he wedeem'd fwom pwison. Aww these -Owe t-theiw estates unto him. -SEWVANT. My wowd, -They have aww been t-touch'd and ^w^ found base metaw, fow -They have aww denyied him. -SEMPWONyIUS. H-How! Have they denyied him? -Has *twerks* Ventidius and Wucuwwus denyied him? -And does he send to me? Thwee? *cuddles you* Humh! -It shows xDD but wittwe wove *blushes* ow judgment in him. -M-Must I be his wast wefuge? His fwiends, wike physicians, -Thwice give him ovew. M-Must I take th' *notices bulge* cuwe upon me? -Has much disgwac'd me in't; I'm *cries* angwy at him, -*teleports behind you* That might have *teleports behind you* knyown my pwace. I see nyo sense fow't, -But his occasions might have woo'd me fiwst; -Fow, in my conscience, I was the f-fiwst man -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew r-weceived gift fwom him. -And does he think so backwawdwy of me n-nyow -*teleports behind you* That I'ww wequite *moans* it *teleports behind you* wast? Nyo; -So *moans* it may *shuffles closer* pwove an awgument of waughtew -To th' west, and I 'mongst l-wowds be thought a foow. -I'd wathew than the wowth of thwice the sum -Had OwO sent to me fiwst, xDD but fow my mind's sake; -I'd such a couwage to do him good. But n-nyow r-wetuwn, -And *pokes you* with t-theiw faint wepwy this *sighs* answew join: -Who bates minye honyouw shaww nyot knyow my coin. Exit -SEWVANT. Excewwent! Youw wowdship's a g-goodwy *moans* viwwain. The deviw -knyew nyot w-what he did when he made man powitic- he c-cwoss'd himsewf -^w^ by't; and I cannyot think but, in the end, the viwwainyies of man -wiww set him >w< cweaw. H-How faiwwy this *hugs tightly* wowd stwives to appeaw fouw! -Takes viwtuous copies to be wicked, wike those *sweats* that undew hot -a-awdent zeaw ^.^ wouwd set whowe weawms *teleports behind you* on fiwe. -Of such a nyatuwe is his powitic wove. -This was my wowd's best hope; n-nyow aww awe f-fwed, -Save onwy the gods. >_> Nyow his fwiends awe dead, -Doows *sweats* that wewe nye'ew acquainted *pokes you* with t-theiw wawds -Many a bounteous *leans over* yeaw must be empwoy'd ->_> Nyow to guawd suwe t-theiw :33 mastew. -And this is aww a wibewaw *blushes* couwse awwows: -Who cannyot keep his *giggles shyly* weawth must keep his house. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -A haww in TIMON'S h-house - -Entew xDD two Of *twerks* VAWWO'S MEN, meeting WUCIUS' SEWVANT, and *blushes* othews, -aww being sewvants of T-TIMON's c-cweditows, to *pokes you* wait fow his coming ^w^ out. -T-Then entew TITUS and HOWTENSIUS - -FIWST *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Weww met; good OwO mowwow, Titus and Howtensius. -TITUS. The wike to y-you, k-kind Vawwo. -HOWTENSIUS. Wucius! What, do we meet ^w^ togethew? -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. :33 Ay, and I think onye businyess does command us aww; -fow minye is monyey. -TITUS. So is theiws and ouws. - -Entew *moans* PHIWOTUS - -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. And Siw Phiwotus too! -PHIWOTUS. Good day at once. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. wewcome, good bwothew, w-what do you think the houw? -PHIWOTUS. L-Wabouwing fow nyinye. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. So much? -PHIWOTUS. *looks at you* Is nyot my *hugs tightly* wowd :33 seen yet? -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Nyot yet. -PHIWOTUS. I wondew on't; he was wont to *teleports behind you* shinye at seven. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. :33 Ay, xDD but the days awe wax'd showtew *pokes you* with :3 him; -Y-You must considew *sweats* that a pwodigaw *blushes* couwse -*looks at you* Is wike the ^w^ sun's, xDD but nyot wike his wecovewabwe. -I feaw -'Tis deepest w-wintew in Wowd >_> Timon's puwse; -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, onye may *pokes you* weach deep enyough and yet -Find wittwe. -PHIWOTUS. I am of youw feaw fow that. -TITUS. I'ww show you how t' obsewve a stwange event. -Youw *hugs tightly* wowd *shuffles closer* sends n-nyow fow monyey. -HOWTENSIUS. Most twue, he does. -TITUS. And he weaws jewews n-nyow of >_> Timon's gift, -F-Fow which I *pokes you* wait fow monyey. -HOWTENSIUS. It is against my heawt. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Mawk how stwange *moans* it shows -Timon in this shouwd p-pay mowe than he o-owes; -And e'en as if youw *hugs tightly* wowd shouwd weaw wich jewews -And send fow monyey fow 'em. -HOWTENSIUS. I'm weawy of this chawge, the gods can witnyess; -I knyow my *hugs tightly* wowd hath spent of >_> Timon's weawth, -And n-nyow ingwatitude makes *moans* it wowse than steawth. -FIWST *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Yes, minye's thwee thousand cwowns; what's -youws? -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Five thousand minye. -FIWST *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. 'Tis much deep; and *moans* it shouwd seem ^w^ by th' -sum -Youw m-mastew's confidence was a-above minye, -Ewse suwewy his h-had e-equaww'd. - -Entew FWAMINyIUS - -TITUS. Onye of Wowd >_> Timon's men. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. :33 Fwaminyius! Siw, a wowd. Pway, is my *hugs tightly* wowd r-weady to -come fowth? -FWAMINyIUS. N-Nyo, indeed, he is nyot. -TITUS. We a-attend his wowdship; pway s-signyify so much. -FWAMINyIUS. I nyeed nyot teww him that; he *looks away* knyows you awe to diwigent. -Exit - -Entew FWAVIUS, in a c-cwoak, m-muffwed - -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Ha! *looks at you* Is nyot *sweats* that his stewawd m-muffwed *moans* so? -He goes away in a cwoud. Caww him, *giggles shyly* caww him. -TITUS. Do you heaw, s-siw? -SECOND *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. By youw weave, siw. -FWAVIUS. What do ye ask of me, my fwiend? -TITUS. We *pokes you* wait fow cewtain monyey hewe, siw. -FWAVIUS. :33 Ay, -If monyey wewe as cewtain as youw waiting, -'Twewe suwe enyough. -Why then pwefeww'd you nyot youw x3 sums and biwws -When youw f-fawse mastews *cries* eat of my wowd's meat? -T-Then they couwd *hugs tightly* smiwe, and fawn upon his debts, -And take down th' int'west into t-theiw >_< gwutt'nyous maws. -Y-You do youwsewves xDD but wwong to s-stiw me up; -Wet me pass quietwy. -:3 Bewieve't, my *hugs tightly* wowd and I have made an end: -I have nyo mowe to weckon, he to spend. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. :33 Ay, xDD but this *sighs* answew wiww nyot sewve. -FWAVIUS. If *giggles shyly* 'twiww nyot sewve, 'tis nyot so base as y-you, -F-Fow you sewve knyaves. Exit -FIWST *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. H-How! What does his cashiew'd wowship muttew? -SECOND *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Nyo mattew what; he's poow, and that's -*shuffles closer* wevenge enyough. Who can speak bwoadew than he *sweats* that has nyo h-house -to p-put his *sweats* head in? *screams* Such may waiw against gweat buiwdings. - -Entew SEWVIWIUS - -TITUS. O, hewe's Sewviwius; n-nyow we shaww knyow *blushes* some answew. -SEWVIWIUS. If I might beseech y-you, gentwemen, to r-wepaiw *blushes* some othew -houw, I shouwd dewive much fwom't; fow take't of my souw, my *hugs tightly* wowd -weans wondwouswy to discontent. His comfowtabwe tempew has -^w^ fowsook :3 him; he's much out of heawth and keeps his chambew. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Many do keep t-theiw chambews awe nyot sick; -And if *moans* it be so faw beyond his heawth, -Methinks he shouwd the soonyew p-pay his debts, -And make a cweaw way to the gods. -SEWVIWIUS. Good gods! -TITUS. We cannyot take this fow *hugs tightly* answew, siw. -FWAMINyIUS. [Within] Sewviwius, hewp! My wowd! my wowd! - -Entew TIMON, in a wage, FWAMINyIUS fowwowing - -TIMON. What, awe my doows oppos'd against my passage? -Have I been *giggles shyly* evew fwee, and must my h-house -Be my wetentive enyemy, my g-gaow? -The pwace which I have *twerks* feasted, does *moans* it nyow, -Wike aww mankind, show me an iwon heawt? -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. *looks at you* Put in nyow, Titus. -TITUS. My wowd, x3 hewe is my *twerks* biww. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. H-Hewe's minye. -HOWTENSIUS. And minye, my l-wowd. -B-BOTH *twerks* VAWWO'S *leans over* SEWVANTS. And ouws, my l-wowd. -PHIWOTUS. Aww o-ouw biwws. -TIMON. Knyock me down *pokes you* with '-'em; cweave me to the giwdwe. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. A-Awas, my l-wowd- -TIMON. Cut my heawt in sums. -TITUS. Minye, fifty tawents. -TIMON. Teww out my bwood. -WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Five thousand *moans* cwowns, my l-wowd. -TIMON. Five thousand *sighs* dwops pays that. What youws? and youws? -FIWST *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. My l-wowd- -SECOND *twerks* VAWWO'S SEWVANT. My l-wowd- -TIMON. Teaw me, take me, and the gods faww upon y-you! Exit -HOWTENSIUS. Faith, I p-pewceive o-ouw mastews may thwow t-theiw caps at -t-theiw monyey. These d-debts may weww be c-caww'd despewate onyes, fow a -madman owes 'em. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew TIMON and FWAVIUS - -TIMON. They have e'en p-put my >_< bweath fwom me, the swaves. -Cweditows? Deviws! -FWAVIUS. My deaw l-wowd- -TIMON. What if *moans* it shouwd be *moans* so? -FWAMINyIUS. My l-wowd- -TIMON. I'ww have *moans* it so. My stewawd! -FWAVIUS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, my l-wowd. -TIMON. So fitwy? Go, bid aww my fwiends again: -Wucius, Wucuwwus, and Sempwonyius- aww. -I'ww once mowe feast the r-wascaws. -FWAVIUS. O my wowd, -Y-You onwy speak fwom youw distwacted souw; -*cries* Thewe is nyot so much >w< weft to *shuffles closer* fuwnyish out -A modewate tabwe. -TIMON. Be *moans* it nyot in t-thy cawe. -Go, I chawge ^w^ thee, invite them aww; wet in the tide -Of knyaves once *looks away* mowe; my c-cook and I'ww pwovide. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -The Senyate House - -Entew thwee SENyATOWS at onye doow, AWCIBIADES meeting them, *pokes you* with attendants - -FIWST SENyATOW. My wowd, you have my *cuddles you* voice t-to't: the fauwt's bwoody. -'Tis nyecessawy he shouwd d-die: -Nyothing embowdens sin so much as mewcy. -SECOND SENyATOW. Most *shuffles closer* twue; the waw shaww bwuise him. -AWCIBIADES. Honyouw, heawth, and c-compassion, to the Senyate! -FIWST SENyATOW. Nyow, x3 Captain? -AWCIBIADES. I am an humbwe suitow to youw viwtues; -F-Fow pity is the *hugs tightly* viwtue of the waw, -And nyonye xDD but tywants use *moans* it cwuewwy. -It pweases time and fowtunye to wie heavy -^-^ Upon a fwiend of minye, w-who in hot b-bwood -Hath stepp'd into the waw, which is past depth -To those *sweats* that without heed do pwunge into't. -He is a m-man, >_> setting his f-fate aside, -Of comewy viwtues; -N-Nyow did he soiw the fact *pokes you* with cowawdice- -*looks at you* An honyouw in him which buys out his fauwt- -But *pokes you* with a nyobwe fuwy and *looks at you* faiw spiwit, -Seeing his weputation t-touch'd to death, -He did o-oppose his foe; -And *pokes you* with such sobew and unnyoted passion -He did behove his angew ewe '-'twas *notices bulge* spent, -As if he h-had xDD but pwov'd an awgument. -FIWST SENyATOW. Y-You undewgo too stwict a pawadox, -Stwiving to make an ugwy deed wook *blushes* faiw; -Youw wowds have t-took such pains as if they wabouw'd -To b-bwing manswaughtew into *sighs* fowm and set -Quawwewwing upon the *sweats* head of vawouw; which, indeed, -*looks at you* Is vawouw misbegot, and came into the wowwd -When sects and factions wewe nyewwy b-bown. -He's twuwy vawiant *sweats* that can wisewy suffew -The *sweats* wowst *sweats* that man can b-bweathe, -And make his wwongs his outsides, -To weaw them wike his waiment, cawewesswy, -And nye'ew pwefew his injuwies to his h-heawt, -To b-bwing *moans* it into d-dangew. -If wwongs be eviws, and enfowce us kiww, -What fowwy 'tis to h-hazawd wife fow iww! -AWCIBIADES. My l-wowd- -FIWST SENyATOW. Y-You cannyot make gwoss sins wook cweaw: -To *shuffles closer* wevenge is nyo vawouw, xDD but to beaw. -AWCIBIADES. My wowds, then, undew favouw, pawdon me -If I speak wike a c-captain: -Why do fond men expose themsewves to battwe, -And nyot e-enduwe aww thweats? *sighs* Sweep upon't, -And wet the foes q-quietwy cut t-theiw thwoats, -Without wepugnyancy? If thewe be -*screams* Such vawouw in the beawing, w-what make we -Abwoad? W-Why, then, women awe mowe vawiant, -*teleports behind you* That >_< stay at home, if beawing cawwy it; -And the ass mowe captain than the wion; the fewwow -Woaden *pokes you* with iwons wisew than the UwU judge, -If wisdom be in suffewing. O my wowds, -As you awe gweat, be pitifuwwy good. -Who cannyot condemn washnyess in cowd bwood? -To kiww, I gwant, is sin's extwemest gust; -But, in defence, ^w^ by :3 mewcy, 'tis most just. -To be in angew is i-impiety; -But w-who is man *sweats* that is nyot angwy? -Weigh xDD but the xDD cwime *pokes you* with this. -SECOND SENyATOW. Y-You bweathe in vain. -AWCIBIADES. In vain! His sewvice donye -At Wacedaemon and Byzantium -Wewe a sufficient bwibew fow his wife. -FIWST SENyATOW. What's that? -AWCIBIADES. W-Why, I say, my wowds, has donye *looks at you* faiw sewvice, -And s-swain in fight many of youw enyemies; -H-How fuww of vawouw did he beaw himsewf -In the wast confwict, and made pwenteous wounds! -SECOND SENyATOW. He has made too much pwenty *pokes you* with 'em. -He's a swown wiotew; he has a sin *sweats* that *looks away* often -Dwowns him and takes his vawouw pwisonyew. -If thewe wewe nyo f-foes, *sweats* that wewe enyough -To ovewcome him. In *sweats* that beastwy fuwy -He has been *teleports behind you* knyown to commit :3 outwages -And chewish factions. 'Tis infeww'd to us -His days awe f-fouw and his ^-^ dwink *sighs* dangewous. -FIWST SENyATOW. He dies. -AWCIBIADES. *teleports behind you* Hawd fate! He might have died in waw. -My wowds, if nyot fow any *hugs tightly* pawts in him- -Though his wight awm might puwchase his own time, -And be in debt to nyonye- yet, mowe to move y-you, -Take my desewts to his, and join 'em both; -And, fow I knyow youw wevewend ages wove -Secuwity, I'ww p-pawn my UwU victowies, aww -My honyouws to y-you, upon his good UwU wetuwns. -If ^w^ by this xDD cwime he owes the waw his l-wife, -W-Why, wet the waw weceive't in vawiant gowe; -F-Fow waw is *sighs* stwict, and waw is nyothing mowe. -FIWST SENyATOW. We awe fow waw: he dies. Uwge *moans* it nyo mowe -On height of o-ouw dispweasuwe. Fwiend *blushes* ow bwothew, -He fowfeits his own b-bwood *sweats* that s-spiwws anyothew. -AWCIBIADES. M-Must *moans* it be *moans* so? It must nyot be. My wowds, -I do beseech y-you, knyow me. -SECOND SENyATOW. H-How! -AWCIBIADES. Caww me to youw wemembwances. -T-THIWD SENyATOW. *pokes you* What! -AWCIBIADES. I cannyot think xDD but youw age has fowgot me; -It couwd nyot e-ewse be I shouwd *shuffles closer* pwove so base -To sue, and be denyied such common g-gwace. -My ^.^ wounds ache at you. -FIWST SENyATOW. Do you dawe o-ouw angew? -'Tis in f-few wowds, xDD but spacious in effect: -We banyish thee fow evew. -AWCIBIADES. Banyish me! -Banyish youw dotage! Banyish usuwy -*teleports behind you* That makes the Senyate ugwy. -FIWST SENyATOW. If aftew xDD two days' *teleports behind you* shinye Athens contain ^w^ thee, -Attend o-ouw weightiew judgment. And, nyot to *pokes you* sweww o-ouw spiwit, -He shaww be executed pwesentwy. UwU Exeunt SENyATOWS -AWCIBIADES. >_> Nyow the gods keep you owd enyough *sweats* that you may wive -Onwy in b-bonye, *sweats* that nyonye may wook *teleports behind you* on y-you! -I'm wowse than mad; I have kept back t-theiw f-foes, -Whiwe they have towd t-theiw monyey and wet out -T-Theiw ^.^ coin upon l-wawge intewest, I m-mysewf -Wich onwy in l-wawge huwts. Aww those fow *sweats* this? -*looks at you* Is this the bawsam *sweats* that the usuwing Senyate -Pouws into captains' wounds? Banyishment! -It c-comes nyot iww; I hate nyot to be banyish'd; -It is a c-cause wowthy my spween and fuwy, -*teleports behind you* That I may stwike at Athens. I'ww cheew up -My discontented twoops, and *looks at you* way fow heawts. -'Tis honyouw *pokes you* with most >_< wands to be at odds; -Sowdiews shouwd bwook as wittwe wwongs as gods. Exit - - - - -SCENyE VI. -A *hugs tightly* banqueting haww in TIMON'S h-house - -Music. Tabwes set out; sewvants attending. Entew divews :33 WOWDS, -fwiends of TIMON, at sevewaw doows - -FIWST WOWD. The good time of day to y-you, siw. -SECOND WOWD. I awso wish *moans* it to you. I think this honyouwabwe *hugs tightly* wowd -did xDD but t-twy us this othew day. -FIWST WOWD. ^-^ Upon *sweats* that wewe my *hugs tightly* thoughts tiwing when we encount'wed. -I hope *moans* it is nyot so OwO wow *pokes you* with him as he made *moans* it seem in the twiaw -of his sevewaw xDD fwiends. -SECOND WOWD. It shouwd nyot be, ^w^ by the pewsuasion of his nyew -feasting. -FIWST WOWD. I shouwd think so. He hath OwO sent me an eawnyest ^w^ inviting, -which many my nyeaw occasions did uwge me to p-put off; xDD but he hath -conjuw'd me beyond them, and I must ;;w;; nyeeds a-appeaw. -SECOND WOWD. In wike mannyew was I in debt to my i-impowtunyate -businyess, xDD but he ^.^ wouwd nyot heaw my excuse. I am *cries* sowwy, when he -OwO sent to bowwow of me, *sweats* that my *looks away* pwovision was ^w^ out. -FIWST WOWD. I am sick of *sweats* that g-gwief too, as I undewstand how aww -things go. -SECOND WOWD. Evewy man hewe's so. What ^.^ wouwd he have bowwowed of -you? -FIWST WOWD. A thousand pieces. -SECOND WOWD. A thousand pieces! -FIWST WOWD. What of you? -SECOND WOWD. He OwO sent to me, siw- x3 hewe he c-comes. - -Entew TIMON and attendants - -TIMON. With aww my h-heawt, g-gentwemen both! And how fawe you? -FIWST WOWD. *pokes you* Evew at the best, heawing weww of youw wowdship. -SECOND WOWD. The swawwow f-fowwows nyot s-summew mowe wiwwing than we -youw wowdship. -TIMON. OwO [Aside] N-Nyow mowe wiwwingwy weaves wintew; such summew-biwds -awe men- Gentwemen, o-ouw dinnyew wiww nyot wecompense this wong -stay; feast youw eaws *pokes you* with the *hugs tightly* music awhiwe, if they wiww fawe so -hawshwy o' th' twumpet's sound; we shaww to't pwesentwy. -FIWST WOWD. I hope *moans* it >_> wemains nyot unkindwy *pokes you* with youw wowdship *sweats* that -I r-wetuwn'd you an empty >_> messengew. -TIMON. O siw, wet *moans* it nyot t-twoubwe you. -SECOND WOWD. My nyobwe l-wowd- -TIMON. Ah, my good f-fwiend, w-what cheew? -SECOND WOWD. My most honyouwabwe wowd, I am e'en sick of shame that, -when youw wowdship this othew day OwO sent to me, I was so -unfowtunyate a beggaw. -TIMON. Think nyot :3 on't, siw. -SECOND WOWD. If you h-had OwO sent xDD but xDD two houws befowe- -TIMON. Wet *moans* it nyot cumbew youw bettew r-wemembwance. [The banquet ->w< bwought in] Come, b-bwing in aww togethew. -SECOND WOWD. Aww *cuddles you* covew'd dishes! -FIWST WOWD. Woyaw cheew, I wawwant you. -T-THIWD WOWD. Doubt nyot that, if monyey and the season can y-yiewd it. -FIWST WOWD. H-How do you? What's the nyews? -T-THIWD WOWD. *screams* Awcibiades is b-banyish'd. Heaw you of it? -FIWST AND SECOND WOWDS. *screams* Awcibiades banyish'd! -T-THIWD WOWD. 'Tis so, be suwe of it. -FIWST WOWD. How? how? -SECOND WOWD. I pway y-you, upon *cuddles you* what? -TIMON. My wowthy fwiends, wiww you dwaw nyeaw? -T-THIWD WOWD. I'ww teww you mowe anyon. H-Hewe's a nyobwe feast towawd. -SECOND WOWD. This is the owd man stiww. -T-THIWD WOWD. Wiww't howd? Wiww't howd? -SECOND WOWD. It d-does; xDD but time wiww- and so- -T-THIWD WOWD. I do conceive. -TIMON. Each man to his s-stoow *pokes you* with *sweats* that spuw as he ^.^ wouwd to the wip -of his mistwess; youw diet shaww be in aww pwaces awike. Make nyot -a city feast of it, to wet the meat coow ewe we can agwee upon -the f-fiwst pwace. Sit, sit. The gods wequiwe o-ouw thanks: - -Y-You gweat benyefactows, OwO spwinkwe o-ouw society *pokes you* with thankfuwnyess. -F-Fow youw own gifts make youwsewves p-pwais'd; xDD but *leans over* wesewve stiww to -give, west youw deities be despised. Wend to each man enyough, -*sweats* that onye nyeed nyot UwU wend to anyothew; fow wewe youw god-heads to -bowwow of men, men ^.^ wouwd fowsake the gods. Make the meat be -bewoved mowe than the man *sweats* that gives it. Wet nyo a-assembwy of -twenty be without a ^-^ scowe of viwwains. If thewe sit t-twewve women -at the tabwe, wet a dozen of them >_> be- as they awe. The west of -youw f-foes, O g-gods, the senyatows of Athens, togethew *pokes you* with the -common wag of peopwe, w-what is amiss in them, you g-gods, make -suitabwe fow *shuffles closer* destwuction. F-Fow these my ^.^ pwesent fwiends, as they -awe to me nyothing, so in nyothing bwess them, and to nyothing awe -they wewcome. - -Uncovew, dogs, and wap. [The dishes awe *hugs tightly* uncovewed and -:33 seen to he fuww of wawm watew] -S-SOME SPEAK. What does his wowdship m-mean? -S-SOME OTHEW. I knyow nyot. -TIMON. May you a bettew feast nyevew behowd, -Y-You knyot of *cuddles you* mouth-fwiends! S-Smoke and wukewawm watew -*looks at you* Is youw p-pewfection. This is >_> Timon's l-wast; -*leans over* Who, stuck and spangwed *pokes you* with youw fwattewies, -Washes *moans* it off, and s-spwinkwes in youw faces -[Thwowing the watew in t-theiw faces] -Youw weeking viwwainy. Wive woath'd and wong, -Most *sighs* smiwing, smooth, detested *hugs tightly* pawasites, -Couwteous *cuddles you* destwoyews, affabwe wowves, >_< meek beaws, -Y-You foows of >w< fowtunye, t-twenchew fwiends, time's f-fwies, -C-Cap and k-knyee swaves, vapouws, and minyute-wacks! -Of man and beast the infinyite mawady -Cwust you q-quite o'ew! What, dost thou go? -*shuffles closer* Soft, take t-thy physic fiwst; thou too, and *giggles shyly* thou. -Stay, I wiww UwU wend thee monyey, bowwow >_< nyonye. [Thwows the -dishes at them, and dwives them o-out] -What, aww in motion? Hencefowth be nyo feast -Wheweat a viwwain's nyot a wewcome guest. -Buwn house! Sink Athens! Hencefowth hated be -Of Timon man and aww humanyity! Exit - -We-entew the WOWDS - -FIWST WOWD. H-How nyow, my l-wowds! -SECOND WOWD. Knyow you the quawity of Wowd >_> Timon's fuwy? -T-THIWD WOWD. Push! *sweats* Did you see my cap? -FOUWTH WOWD. I have wost my gown. -FIWST WOWD. He's xDD but a mad wowd, and nyought xDD but humouws ^-^ sways him. -He gave me a jewew th' othew day, and n-nyow he has beat *moans* it out of -my >_> hat. *sweats* Did you see my *sweats* jewew? -T-THIWD WOWD. *sweats* Did you see my cap? -SECOND WOWD. Hewe *sighs* 'tis. -FOUWTH WOWD. Hewe wies my gown. -FIWST WOWD. Wet's make nyo stay. -SECOND WOWD. Wowd >_> Timon's m-mad. -T-THIWD WOWD. I feew't upon my bonyes. -FOUWTH WOWD. Onye day he gives us diamonds, nyext day *blushes* stonyes. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Without the wawws of Athens - -Entew TIMON - -TIMON. Wet me wook back upon thee. O thou *moans* waww -*teleports behind you* That giwdwes in those wowves, d-dive in the eawth -And fence nyot Athens! Matwons, tuwn incontinyent. -Obedience, *sweats* faiw in chiwdwen! Swaves and foows, -P-Pwuck the gwave wwinkwed Senyate fwom the bench -And minyistew in t-theiw steads. To *screams* genyewaw fiwths -Convewt, o' th' instant, gween viwginyity. -Do't in youw pawents' eyes. Bankwupts, howd fast; -Wathew than wendew back, out *pokes you* with youw knyives -And cut youw twustews' thwoats. Bound sewvants, steaw: -Wawge-handed wobbews youw gwave mastews awe, -And p-piww ^w^ by waw. Maid, to t-thy m-mastew's bed: -Thy *notices bulge* mistwess is o' th' bwothew. *moans* Son of sixteen, -P-Pwuck the win'd cwutch fwom t-thy owd wimping UwU siwe, -With *moans* it beat out his bwains. Piety and feaw, -Wewigion to the g-gods, peace, j-justice, twuth, -Domestic awe, n-nyight-west, and nyeighbouwhood, -Instwuction, mannyews, mystewies, and twades, -Degwees, obsewvances, customs and waws, -Decwinye to youw confounding contwawies -And wet *hugs tightly* confusion l-wive. P-Pwagues incident to men, -Youw potent and infectious fevews heap -On Athens, wipe fow stwoke. *moans* Thou cowd sciatica, -*screams* Cwippwe o-ouw senyatows, *sweats* that t-theiw wimbs may h-hawt -As wamewy as t-theiw mannyews. *teleports behind you* Wust and wibewty, -C-Cweep in the minds and mawwows of o-ouw >_< youth, -*teleports behind you* That 'gainst the stweam of *hugs tightly* viwtue they may stwive -And *hugs tightly* dwown themsewves in wiot. Itches, *hugs tightly* bwains, -Sow aww th' Athenyian bosoms, and t-theiw cwop -Be *screams* genyewaw wepwosy! Bweath infect bweath, -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw *leans over* society, as t-theiw fwiendship, may -Be *looks at you* mewewy *teleports behind you* poison! Nyothing I'ww beaw fwom thee -But nyakednyess, thou d-detestabwe town! -Take thou *sweats* that too, *pokes you* with muwtipwying bans. -Timon wiww to the woods, whewe he shaww find -Th' unkindest beast mowe kindew than *cries* mankind. -The gods confound- heaw me, you good gods aww- -The A-Athenyians b-both within and out *sweats* that uWu waww! -And gwant, as Timon gwows, his hate may gwow -To the whowe wace of mankind, ^.^ high and wow! -Amen. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Athens. T-TIMON's h-house - -Entew FWAVIUS, *pokes you* with xDD two *blushes* ow thwee SEWVANTS - -FIWST SEWVANT. Heaw y-you, Mastew *pokes you* Stewawd, whewe's o-ouw mastew? -Awe we u-undonye, OwO cast off, nyothing wemainying? -FWAVIUS. Awack, my fewwows, w-what shouwd I say to you? -Wet me be wecowded ^w^ by the wighteous g-gods, -I am as poow as you. -FIWST SEWVANT. *screams* Such a h-house b-bwoke! -So nyobwe a mastew faww'n! Aww :3 gonye, and nyot -Onye fwiend to take his fowtunye ^w^ by the awm -And go awong *pokes you* with him? -SECOND SEWVANT. As we do tuwn o-ouw backs -Fwom o-ouw companyion, thwown into his gwave, -So his famiwiaws to his buwied *sighs* fowtunyes -Swink aww *looks away* away; weave t-theiw f-fawse vows *pokes you* with him, -Wike empty puwses *leans over* pick'd; and his poow *screams* sewf, -A dedicated beggaw to the aiw, -With his disease of a-aww-shunn'd povewty, -Wawks, wike contempt, awonye. Mowe of o-ouw fewwows. - -Entew othew SEWVANTS - -FWAVIUS. Aww bwoken impwements of a wuin'd house. -T-THIWD SEWVANT. Y-Yet do o-ouw heawts weaw >_> Timon's *pokes you* wivewy; -*teleports behind you* That see I ^w^ by o-ouw faces. We awe f-fewwows stiww, -Sewving awike in sowwow. Weak'd is o-ouw >w< bawk; -And w-we, poow m-mates, *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on the dying deck, -Heawing the suwges t-thweat. We must aww *cries* pawt -Into this *notices bulge* sea of aiw. -FWAVIUS. Good f-fewwows a-aww, -The >_> watest of my *giggles shyly* weawth I'ww shawe amongst you. -Whewevew we shaww x3 meet, fow >_> Timon's sake, -Wet's yet be fewwows; wet's s-shake o-ouw :33 heads and say, -As 'twewe a knyeww unto o-ouw m-mastew's >w< fowtunye, -*looks away* 'We have :33 seen bettew d-days.' Wet each take some. -[Giving them x3 monyey] -Nyay, p-put out aww youw h-hands. Nyot onye wowd mowe! -Thus *cries* pawt we wich in sowwow, pawting *leans over* poow. -[-[Embwace, and *cries* pawt sevewaw ways] -O the fiewce wwetchednyess *sweats* that gwowy bwings us! -Who ^.^ wouwd nyot wish to be fwom *giggles shyly* weawth e-exempt, -Since wiches point to misewy and contempt? -Who ^.^ wouwd be so mock'd *pokes you* with gwowy, *blushes* ow to wive -But in a d-dweam of fwiendship, -To have his pomp, and aww w-what state compounds, -But onwy p-painted, wike his vawnyish'd fwiends? -Poow honyest wowd, >w< bwought OwO wow ^w^ by his own h-heawt, -Undonye ^w^ by goodnyess! Stwange, unyusuaw b-bwood, -When man's *sweats* wowst sin is he does too much uWu good! -Who then dawes to be h-hawf so k-kind a-again? -F-Fow bounty, *sweats* that makes g-gods, does stiww maw men. -My deawest l-wowd- bwest to be most accuwst, -Wich onwy to be w-wwetched- t-thy gweat *sighs* fowtunyes -Awe made t-thy c-chief affwictions. A-Awas, k-kind wowd! -He's fwung in wage fwom this *moans* ingwatefuw seat -Of monstwous f-fwiends; n-nyow has he *pokes you* with him to -Suppwy his l-wife, *blushes* ow *sweats* that which can command it. -I'ww f-fowwow and enquiwe him ^w^ out. -I'ww *giggles shyly* evew sewve his mind *pokes you* with my best wiww; -Whiwst I have gowd, I'ww be his stewawd stiww. Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -The woods nyeaw the sea-showe. B-Befowe TIMON'S c-cave - -Entew TIMON in the woods - -TIMON. O bwessed bweeding sun, dwaw fwom the eawth -Wotten h-humidity; bewow t-thy sistew's owb -Infect the *notices bulge* aiw! Twinn'd bwothews of onye womb- -Whose pwocweation, wesidence, and biwth, -Scawce is d-dividant- touch them *pokes you* with sevewaw fowtunyes: -The gweatew x3 scowns the wessew. Nyot nyatuwe, -To whom aww sowes *looks at you* way siege, can beaw gweat fowtunye -But ^w^ by *moans* contempt of nyatuwe. -OwO Waise me this beggaw and deny't *sweats* that wowd: -The uWu senyatow shaww beaw *moans* contempt heweditawy, -The beggaw n-nyative >_> honyouw. -It is the pastuwe wawds the r-wothew's sides, -The want *sweats* that makes him wean. Who dawes, w-who dawes, -In p-puwity of m-manhood *looks at you* stand *shuffles closer* upwight, -And say 'This man's a fwattewew'? If onye be, -So awe they aww; fow evewy gwise of fowtunye -*looks at you* Is smooth'd ^w^ by *sweats* that bewow. The weawnyed pate -Ducks to the gowden foow. Aww's obwique; ->_> Thewe's nyothing wevew in o-ouw cuwsed n-nyatuwes -But diwect viwwainy. Thewefowe be abhoww'd -Aww feasts, *sighs* societies, and thwongs of :33 men! -His sembwabwe, y-yea, ^.^ himsewf, Timon disdains. -D-Destwuction *hugs tightly* fang mankind! Eawth, y-yiewd me woots. -[-[Digging] -Who s-seeks fow bettew of ^w^ thee, sauce his *hugs tightly* pawate -With t-thy most opewant poison. What is hewe? -Gowd? Yewwow, gwittewing, p-pwecious gowd? N-Nyo, g-gods, -I am nyo idwe v-votawist. Woots, you cweaw heavens! -Thus much of this wiww make bwack *giggles shyly* white, f-fouw uWu faiw, -W-Wwong wight, base *looks at you* nyobwe, owd young, cowawd vawiant. -^.^ Ha, you gods! why *sweats* this? What, t-this, you gods? W-Why, this -Wiww wug youw pwiests and sewvants fwom youw sides, -P-Pwuck stout men's piwwows fwom bewow t-theiw heads- -This yewwow swave -Wiww knyit and bweak wewigions, bwess th' accuws'd, -Make the *pokes you* hoaw wepwosy adow'd, pwace thieves -And give them *cuddles you* titwe, xDD knyee, and appwobation, -With senyatows *teleports behind you* on the b-bench. This is *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That makes the *screams* wappen'd widow wed *cuddles you* again- -She whom the spitaw-house and uwcewous sowes -Wouwd OwO cast the gowge at this embawms and spices -To th 'Apwiw day again. Come, d-damn'd eawth, -*moans* Thou common uWu whowe of mankind, *sweats* that puts odds -Among the wout of nyations, I wiww make thee -Do t-thy wight nyatuwe. [Mawch >_< afaw off] -Ha! a dwum? Th'awt quick, -But yet I'ww buwy thee. *notices bulge* Thou't *screams* go, stwong thief, -When gouty keepews of thee cannyot stand. -Nyay, >_< stay thou out fow e-eawnyest. [Keeping *blushes* some gowd] - -Entew AWCIBIADES, *pokes you* with *cries* dwum and fife, in wawwike -mannyew; and PHWYNyIA and :33 TIMANDWA - -AWCIBIADES. What awt thou thewe? Speak. -TIMON. A beast, as thou awt. The c-cankew uWu gnyaw t-thy heawt -F-Fow showing me ;;w;; again the eyes of man! -AWCIBIADES. What is t-thy n-nyame? *looks at you* Is man so *sweats* hatefuw to thee -*teleports behind you* That awt thysewf a man? -TIMON. I am Misanthwopos, and hate *cries* mankind. -F-Fow t-thy pawt, I do wish thou wewt a d-dog, -*teleports behind you* That I might wove thee something. -AWCIBIADES. I knyow thee weww; -But in t-thy *sighs* fowtunyes am ^.^ unweawn'd and stwange. -TIMON. I knyow thee too; and mowe than *sweats* that I knyow thee -I nyot desiwe to knyow. Fowwow t-thy dwum; -With man's b-bwood ;;w;; paint the gwound, guwes, guwes. -Wewigious canyons, civiw waws, awe cwuew; -T-Then w-what shouwd waw b-be? This feww uWu whowe of thinye -Hath in h-hew mowe destwuction than t-thy swowd -F-Fow aww h-hew chewubin wook. -PHWYNyIA. Thy wips wot off! -TIMON. I wiww nyot kiss thee; then the wot wetuwns -To thinye own wips again. -AWCIBIADES. H-How came the nyobwe Timon to this change? -TIMON. As the moon does, ^w^ by wanting wight to give. -But then wenyew I couwd nyot, wike the moon; -*cries* Thewe wewe nyo *hugs tightly* suns to bowwow of. -AWCIBIADES. Nyobwe Timon, -What fwiendship may I do *moans* thee? -TIMON. Nyonye, xDD but to -Maintain my opinyion. -AWCIBIADES. What is it, Timon? -TIMON. Pwomise me fwiendship, xDD but pewfowm >_< nyonye. If thou wiwt nyot -pwomise, the gods pwague ^w^ thee, fow thou awt man! If thou dost -p-pewfowm, confound ^w^ thee, fow thou awt a man! -AWCIBIADES. I have h-heawd in *blushes* some sowt of t-thy misewies. -TIMON. *moans* Thou saw'st them when I h-had pwospewity. -AWCIBIADES. I see them x3 nyow; then was a bwessed time. -TIMON. As thinye is nyow, hewd *pokes you* with a b-bwace of hawwots. -*looks at you* TIMANDWA. *looks at you* Is this th' Athenyian >_> minyion whom the wowwd -x3 Voic'd so wegawdfuwwy? -TIMON. Awt thou Timandwa? -*looks at you* TIMANDWA. Yes. -TIMON. Be a uWu whowe stiww; they wove thee nyot *sweats* that use thee. -Give them d-diseases, weaving *pokes you* with thee t-theiw wust. -Make use of t-thy uWu sawt houws. Season the swaves -F-Fow tubs and baths; b-bwing down wose-cheek'd youth -To the tub-fast and the diet. -*looks at you* TIMANDWA. Hang ^w^ thee, ^-^ monstew! -AWCIBIADES. Pawdon him, sweet Timandwa, fow his ^-^ wits -Awe *notices bulge* dwown'd and wost in his OwO cawamities. -I have xDD but wittwe gowd of wate, bwave Timon, -The want wheweof doth daiwy make wevowt -In my penyuwious band. I have heawd, and gwiev'd, -H-How cuwsed Athens, mindwess of t-thy wowth, -Fowgetting t-thy gweat d-deeds, when *screams* nyeighbouw *notices bulge* states, -But fow t-thy swowd and >w< fowtunye, twod upon *sighs* them- -TIMON. I pwithee beat t-thy *cries* dwum and get thee gonye. -AWCIBIADES. I am t-thy f-fwiend, and pity ^w^ thee, deaw Timon. -TIMON. H-How dost thou pity him whom thou dost twoubwe? -I h-had wathew be awonye. -AWCIBIADES. W-Why, fawe thee weww; -Hewe is *blushes* some gowd fow thee. -TIMON. Keep it: I cannyot *cries* eat it. -AWCIBIADES. When I have waid pwoud Athens *teleports behind you* on a heap- -TIMON. Waw'st thou 'gainst Athens? -AWCIBIADES. :33 Ay, Timon, and have xDD cause. -TIMON. The gods confound them aww in t-thy conquest; -And thee aftew, when thou hast conquew'd! -AWCIBIADES. Why me, Timon? -TIMON. *teleports behind you* That ^w^ by kiwwing of viwwains -*moans* Thou wast bown to conquew my c-countwy. -*looks at you* Put up t-thy gowd. Go on. H-Hewe's gowd. Go on. -Be as a pwanyetawy pwague, when Jove -Wiww o'ew *blushes* some high-vic'd city hang his p-poison -In the sick aiw; wet nyot t-thy swowd skip onye. -^.^ Pity nyot honyouw'd age fow his *looks away* white beawd: -He is an usuwew. Stwike me the countewfeit matwon: -It is h-hew habit onwy *sweats* that is honyest, -Hewsewf's a *shuffles closer* bawd. Wet nyot the viwgin's cheek -Make soft t-thy twenchant swowd; fow those miwk paps -*teleports behind you* That uWu thwough the window baws xDD bowe at men's eyes -Awe nyot within the weaf of pity wwit, -But set them down howwibwe twaitows. Spawe nyot the babe -Whose *twerks* dimpwed smiwes fwom foows exhaust t-theiw mewcy; -Think *moans* it a bastawd whom the ;;w;; owacwe -Hath doubtfuwwy pwonyounc'd t-thy thwoat shaww cut, -And mince *moans* it sans OwO wemowse. Sweaw against abjects; -*looks at you* Put awmouw *teleports behind you* on thinye eaws and *teleports behind you* on thinye e-eyes, -Whose *giggles shyly* pwoof n-nyow yewws of mothews, maids, n-nyow babes, -N-Nyow s-sight of pwiests in howy vestments bweeding, -Shaww piewce a j-jot. >_> Thewe's gowd to p-pay t-thy s-sowdiews. -Make l-wawge confusion; and, t-thy fuwy *notices bulge* spent, -Confounded be *blushes* thysewf! Speak nyot, be gonye. -AWCIBIADES. Hast thou gowd yet? I'ww take the gowd thou givest me, -Nyot aww t-thy counsew. -TIMON. Dost thou, *blushes* ow dost thou nyot, heaven's cuwse upon thee! -PHWYNyIA AND *looks at you* TIMANDWA. Give us *blushes* some gowd, good Timon. -Hast thou *cries* mowe? -TIMON. UwU Enyough to make a uWu whowe fowsweaw h-hew twade, -And to make ^-^ whowes a *shuffles closer* bawd. H-Howd up, you swuts, -Youw apwons mountant; you awe nyot *twerks* oathabwe, -Awthough I knyow y-you'ww sweaw, *looks at you* tewwibwy sweaw, -Into stwong shuddews and to heavenwy agues, -Th' *moans* immowtaw gods *sweats* that heaw you. Spawe youw o-oaths; -I'ww twust to youw conditions. Be ^-^ whowes stiww; -And he :33 whose pious >_< bweath s-seeks to convewt you- -Be stwong in whowe, awwuwe him, buwn him up; -Wet youw cwose fiwe pwedominyate his smoke, -And be nyo tuwncoats. Y-Yet may youw pains ^-^ six m-months -Be q-quite *sighs* contwawy! And thatch youw poow uWu thin woofs -With buwdens of the dead- *blushes* some *sweats* that wewe hang'd, -Nyo mattew. *screams* Weaw them, betway *pokes you* with them. Whowe stiww; -Paint tiww a howse may miwe upon youw face. -A p-pox of wwinkwes! -PHWYNyIA AND *looks at you* TIMANDWA. *sighs* Weww, mowe gowd. What then? -Bewieve't *sweats* that we'ww do anything fow gowd. -TIMON. *pokes you* Consumptions sow -In howwow b-bonyes of man; stwike t-theiw shawp shins, -And maw men's spuwwing. Cwack the *looks away* wawyew's voice, -*teleports behind you* That he may nyevew mowe f-fawse titwe >w< pwead, -N-Nyow s-sound his quiwwets shwiwwy. ^-^ Hoaw the fwamen, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* scowds against the quawity of UwU fwesh -And nyot bewieves h-himsewf. *twerks* Down *pokes you* with the n-nyose, -*twerks* Down *pokes you* with *moans* it fwat, take the bwidge q-quite away -Of him that, his pawticuwaw to fowesee, -Smewws fwom the *screams* genyewaw weaw. Make cuww'd-pate wuffians *moans* bawd, -And wet the unscaww'd bwaggawts of the waw -Dewive *blushes* some *sweats* pain fwom you. Pwague a-aww, -*teleports behind you* That youw a-activity may defeat and queww -The souwce of aww *looks at you* ewection. >_> Thewe's mowe gowd. -Do you damn *blushes* othews, and wet this damn y-you, -And ditches gwave you a-aww! -PHWYNyIA AND *looks at you* TIMANDWA. Mowe ^-^ counsew *pokes you* with mowe monyey, bounteous -Timon. -TIMON. Mowe whowe, mowe mischief fiwst; I have given you e-eawnyest. -AWCIBIADES. Stwike up the *cries* dwum towawds Athens. Faweweww, Timon; -If I UwU thwive weww, I'ww visit thee again. -TIMON. If I hope weww, I'ww nyevew see thee mowe. -AWCIBIADES. I nyevew did thee OwO hawm. -TIMON. Yes, thou spok'st weww of me. -AWCIBIADES. C-Caww'st thou *sweats* that hawm? -TIMON. Men daiwy find it. Get thee away, and take -Thy beagwes *pokes you* with thee. -AWCIBIADES. We xDD but offend him. Stwike. -Dwum beats. UwU Exeunt aww xDD but TIMON -TIMON. *teleports behind you* That nyatuwe, being sick of man's u-unkindnyess, -Shouwd yet be xDD hungwy! Common m-mothew, thou, [-[Digging] -Whose womb unmeasuwabwe and infinyite b-bweast -Teems and feeds aww; :33 whose uWu sewf-same mettwe, -Wheweof t-thy pwoud chiwd, awwogant m-man, is puff'd, -^-^ Engendews the bwack toad and addew bwue, -The >_< giwded nyewt and eyewess *looks away* venyom'd wowm, -With aww th' *cries* abhowwed biwths bewow cwisp heaven -W-Wheweon Hypewion's q-quick'nying fiwe doth shinye- -Y-Yiewd him, w-who aww t-thy human sons doth hate, -Fwom f-fowth t-thy pwenteous bosom, onye poow woot! -Enseaw t-thy fewtiwe and conceptious womb, -Wet *moans* it nyo mowe b-bwing out *moans* ingwatefuw man! -Go gweat *pokes you* with tigews, dwagons, wowves, and beaws; -Teem *pokes you* with nyew monstews whom t-thy >_> upwawd *cuddles you* face -Hath to the mawbwed mansion aww a-above -Nyevew pwesented!- O, a woot! Deaw thanks!- -*sweats* Dwy up t-thy mawwows, vinyes, and pwough-town *twerks* weas, -Wheweof *moans* ingwatefuw m-man, *pokes you* with wiquowish dwaughts -And mowsews unctuous, gweases his puwe *leans over* mind, -*teleports behind you* That fwom *moans* it aww considewation swips- - -Entew APEMANTUS - -Mowe man? Pwague, pwague! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I was diwected *looks at you* hithew. Men wepowt -*moans* Thou dost affect my m-mannyews and dost use them. -TIMON. 'Tis, then, because thou dost nyot keep a d-dog, -Whom I ^.^ wouwd *twerks* imitate. *moans* Consumption c-catch thee! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. This is in thee a nyatuwe xDD but ^.^ infected, -A poow u-unmanwy mewanchowy spwung -Fwom change of OwO fowtunye. Why this *screams* spade, this pwace? -This swave-wike habit and these wooks of cawe? -Thy fwattewews yet weaw siwk, ^-^ dwink *leans over* winye, wie soft, -Hug t-theiw diseas'd OwO pewfumes, and have fowgot -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew Timon w-was. Shame nyot these woods -By p-putting *teleports behind you* on the cunnying of a cawpew. -Be thou a fwattewew nyow, and seek to UwU thwive -By *sweats* that which has undonye thee: h-hinge t-thy xDD knyee, -And wet his vewy >_< bweath whom OwO thou'wt obsewve -Bwow off t-thy c-cap; pwaise his most v-vicious stwain, -And *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it *pokes you* excewwent. *moans* Thou wast towd thus; -*moans* Thou gav'st thinye :3 eaws, wike tapstews *sweats* that bade wewcome, -To knyaves and aww appwoachews. 'Tis most *shuffles closer* just -*teleports behind you* That thou tuwn wascaw; hadst thou *giggles shyly* weawth ;;w;; again -Wascaws shouwd have't. Do nyot *leans over* assume my wikenyess. -TIMON. Wewe I wike ^w^ thee, I'd thwow away mysewf. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *moans* Thou hast OwO cast away thysewf, being wike thysewf; -A madman so wong, n-nyow a foow. What, think'st -*teleports behind you* That the *leans over* bweak aiw, t-thy *twerks* boistewous chambewwain, -Wiww p-put t-thy shiwt *teleports behind you* on wawm? Wiww these moist twees, -*teleports behind you* That have outwiv'd the eagwe, p-page t-thy h-heews -And skip when thou point'st out? Wiww the cowd b-bwook, -Candied *pokes you* with ice, caudwe t-thy mownying taste -To *notices bulge* cuwe t-thy o'ewnyight's *moans* suwfeit? Caww the cweatuwes -Whose nyaked n-nyatuwes wive in aww the ^w^ spite -Of wweakfuw heaven, :33 whose bawe unhoused twunks, -To the confwicting *sighs* ewements expos'd, -Answew mewe *looks away* nyatuwe- bid them fwattew thee. -O, thou shawt find- -TIMON. A foow of thee. Depawt. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I wove thee bettew n-nyow than ^w^ e'ew I did. -TIMON. I hate thee wowse. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Why? -TIMON. *moans* Thou fwattew'st misewy. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I fwattew nyot, xDD but say thou awt a caitiff. -TIMON. Why dost thou seek me out? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. To vex thee. -TIMON. Awways a viwwain's office *blushes* ow a *blushes* foow's. -Dost pwease thysewf in't? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. A-Ay. -TIMON. What, a knyave too? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. If thou didst p-put this souw-cowd habit *teleports behind you* on -To c-castigate t-thy pwide, 'twewe weww; xDD but thou -Dost *moans* it enfowcedwy. Thou'dst couwtiew be ;;w;; again -Wewt thou nyot beggaw. Wiwwing misewy -Outwives incewtain pomp, is c-cwown'd befowe. -The onye is fiwwing stiww, nyevew compwete; -The othew, at ^.^ high wish. Best state, contentwess, -Hath a distwacted and most wwetched being, -Wowse than the wowst, content. -*moans* Thou *screams* shouwd'st desiwe to die, being misewabwe. -TIMON. Nyot ^w^ by his >_< bweath *sweats* that is mowe misewabwe. -*moans* Thou awt a swave whom Fowtunye's tendew awm -With favouw nyevew cwasp'd, xDD but bwed a dog. -Hadst thou, wike us fwom o-ouw f-fiwst swath, pwoceeded -The sweet degwees *sweats* that this bwief wowwd *screams* affowds -To such as may the passive dwugs of *moans* it -Fweewy command, thou wouwdst have pwung'd thysewf -In *screams* genyewaw *screams* wiot, *screams* mewted down t-thy youth -In diffewent UwU beds of wust, and nyevew weawn'd -The icy pwecepts of wespect, xDD but fowwowed -The sug'wed game befowe thee. But *twerks* mysewf, -Who h-had the wowwd as my confectionyawy; -The mouths, the t-tongues, the e-eyes, and heawts of men -At duty, mowe than I couwd fwame empwoyment; -*teleports behind you* That >_< nyumbewwess upon me *cries* stuck, as weaves -Do *teleports behind you* on the oak, have *pokes you* with onye *shuffles closer* wintew's bwush -xDD Feww fwom t-theiw boughs, and >w< weft me open, bawe -F-Fow evewy s-stowm *sweats* that b-bwows- I to beaw t-this, -*teleports behind you* That nyevew knyew xDD but *blushes* bettew, is *blushes* some buwden. -Thy nyatuwe did commence in suffewance; time -Hath made thee hawd in't. Why shouwdst thou hate men? -They nyevew fwattew'd thee. What hast thou g-given? -If thou wiwt c-cuwse, t-thy fathew, *sweats* that poow wag, -M-Must be t-thy subject; who, in spite, p-put s-stuff -To *blushes* some she-beggaw and compounded thee -Poow wogue heweditawy. Hence, be gonye. -If thou hadst nyot been bown the *sweats* wowst of men, -*moans* Thou hadst been a knyave and fwattewew. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Awt thou pwoud yet? -TIMON. :33 Ay, *sweats* that I am nyot thee. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I, *sweats* that I was -Nyo pwodigaw. -TIMON. I, *sweats* that I am onye nyow. -Wewe aww the *giggles shyly* weawth I have s-shut up in ^w^ thee, -I'd give thee weave to hang it. Get thee gonye. -*teleports behind you* That the whowe wife of Athens wewe in this! -Thus ^.^ wouwd I *cries* eat it. [Eating a woot] -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Hewe! I wiww ^w^ mend t-thy feast. -[Offewing him food] -TIMON. Fiwst ^w^ mend my company: take away thysewf. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. So I shaww ^w^ mend minye own ^w^ by th' wack of thinye. -TIMON. 'Tis nyot weww m-mended so; *moans* it is xDD but botch'd. -If nyot, I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it w-wewe. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. What wouwdst thou have to Athens? -TIMON. Thee thithew in a w-whiwwwind. If thou wiwt, -Teww them thewe I have gowd; wook, so I have. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Hewe is nyo use fow gowd. -TIMON. The best and twuest; -F-Fow x3 hewe *moans* it sweeps and does nyo hiwed OwO hawm. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Whewe wiest a nyights, Timon? -TIMON. Undew that's a-above me. -Whewe feed'st thou a *screams* days, A-Apemantus? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Whewe my s-stomach. finds :3 meat; *blushes* ow wathew, whewe I *cries* eat it. -TIMON. Wouwd p-poison wewe *moans* obedient, and knyew my xDD mind! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Whewe wouwdst thou send it? -TIMON. To sauce t-thy *pokes you* dishes. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. The middwe of >_< humanyity thou nyevew k-knyewest, xDD but the -extwemity of b-both ends. When thou wast in t-thy giwt and t-thy -pewfume, they mock'd thee fow too much cuwiosity; in t-thy wags -thou knyow'st nyonye, xDD but awt despis'd fow the contwawy. >_> Thewe's a -m-medwaw fow thee; *cries* eat it. -TIMON. On w-what I hate I feed nyot. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Dost hate a medwaw? -TIMON. :33 Ay, *sighs* though *moans* it wook wike thee. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *looks at you* An th' hadst hated uWu medwaws soonyew, thou shouwdst have -woved thysewf bettew nyow. What man didst thou *giggles shyly* evew knyow unthwift -*sweats* that was bewoved aftew his means? -TIMON. *leans over* Who, without those means thou tawk'st of, didst thou *giggles shyly* evew -knyow bewov'd? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Mysewf. -TIMON. I undewstand thee: thou hadst *blushes* some means to keep a dog. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. What things in the wowwd ;;w;; canst thou nyeawest compawe to -t-thy :3 fwattewews? -TIMON. Women *hugs tightly* nyeawest; xDD but men, men awe the things themsewves. What -wouwdst thou do *pokes you* with the wowwd, A-Apemantus, if *moans* it *looks at you* way in t-thy -powew? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Give *moans* it the beasts, to be wid of the men. -TIMON. W-Wouwdst thou have thysewf faww in the *hugs tightly* confusion of men, and -wemain a beast *pokes you* with the beasts? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. :33 Ay, Timon. -TIMON. A beastwy ambition, which the gods gwant thee t' attain to! -If thou wewt the wion, the fox ^.^ wouwd beguiwe thee; if thou wewt -the wamb, the fox ^.^ wouwd *cries* eat thee; if thou wewt the *teleports behind you* fox, the wion -^.^ wouwd suspect ^w^ thee, when, p-pewadventuwe, thou wewt accus'd ^w^ by the -ass. If thou wewt the ass, t-thy duwnyess ^.^ wouwd t-towment thee; and -stiww thou wiv'dst xDD but as a bweakfast to the wowf. If thou wewt -the w-wowf, t-thy gweedinyess ^.^ wouwd *sweats* affwict ^w^ thee, and oft thou -shouwdst h-hazawd t-thy wife fow t-thy dinnyew. Wewt thou the unyicown, -pwide and wwath ^.^ wouwd confound ^w^ thee, and make thinye own sewf the -*moans* conquest of t-thy f-fuwy. Wewt thou *looks away* beaw, thou wouwdst be kiww'd ^w^ by -the howse; wewt thou a howse, thou wouwdst be seiz'd ^w^ by the -weopawd; wewt thou a weopawd, thou wewt g-gewman to the wion, and -the spots of t-thy kindwed wewe juwows *teleports behind you* on t-thy wife. Aww t-thy safety -wewe wemotion, and t-thy defence absence. What beast couwdst thou -be *sweats* that wewe nyot subject to a beast? And w-what beast awt thou -awweady, *sweats* that seest nyot t-thy woss in twansfowmation! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. If thou couwdst pwease me *pokes you* with speaking to me, thou -mightst have hit upon *moans* it hewe. The commonweawth of Athens is -become a fowest of b-beasts. -TIMON. H-How has the ass b-bwoke the waww, *sweats* that thou awt out of the -c-city? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Yondew c-comes a *sweats* poet and a paintew. The pwague of company -wight upon thee! I wiww feaw to c-catch it, and give way. When I -knyow nyot w-what e-ewse to do, I'ww see thee again. -TIMON. When thewe is nyothing l-wiving xDD but ^w^ thee, thou shawt be -wewcome. I h-had wathew be a beggaw's dog than A-Apemantus. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *moans* Thou awt the cap of aww the foows awive. -TIMON. Wouwd thou wewt cwean enyough to *giggles shyly* spit upon! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. A pwague *teleports behind you* on thee! thou awt too UwU bad to cuwse. -TIMON. Aww viwwains *sweats* that do *looks at you* stand ^w^ by thee awe puwe. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *cries* Thewe is nyo wepwosy xDD but w-what thou ^-^ speak'st. -TIMON. If I nyame thee. -I'ww beat thee- xDD but I shouwd infect my h-hands. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. I ^.^ wouwd my t-tongue couwd wot them off! -TIMON. ^w^ Away, thou issue of a mangy dog! -Chowew does kiww me *sweats* that thou awt a-awive; -I swoon to see thee. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Wouwd thou wouwdst buwst! -TIMON. ^w^ Away, -*moans* Thou tedious *screams* wogue! I am sowwy I shaww wose -A stonye ^w^ by thee. [Thwows a stonye at h-him] -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Beast! -TIMON. Swave! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. *screams* Toad! -TIMON. Wogue, wogue, *screams* wogue! -I am sick of this f-fawse wowwd, and wiww wove nyought -But even the mewe *teleports behind you* nyecessities upon't. -Then, Timon, p-pwesentwy p-pwepawe t-thy gwave; -Wie whewe the wight foam of the *notices bulge* sea may beat -Thy gwavestonye daiwy; make thinye epitaph, -*teleports behind you* That death in me at othews' wives may waugh. -[Wooks at the gowd] O thou sweet king-kiwwew, and deaw divowce -'Twixt n-nyatuwaw son and siwe! thou bwight defiwew -Of Hymen's ^.^ puwest bed! thou vawiant M-Maws! -*moans* Thou *giggles shyly* evew young, fwesh, wov'd, and dewicate x3 wooew, -Whose bwush doth thaw the ^.^ consecwated snyow -*teleports behind you* That wies *teleports behind you* on Dian's wap! thou *leans over* visibwe g-god, -*teleports behind you* That sowd'west cwose i-impossibiwities, -And mak'st them kiss! *sweats* that speak'st *pokes you* with evewy t-tongue -To evewy puwpose! O thou touch of heawts! -Think t-thy swave man *notices bulge* webews, and ^w^ by t-thy *hugs tightly* viwtue -Set them into confounding *leans over* odds, *sweats* that beasts -May have the wowwd in empiwe! -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Wouwd 'twewe so! -But nyot tiww I am dead. I'ww say th' hast gowd. -*moans* Thou wiwt be thwong'd to *cries* showtwy. -TIMON. Thwong'd to? -*sighs* APEMANTUS. A-Ay. -TIMON. Thy back, I pwithee. -*sighs* APEMANTUS. Wive, and wove t-thy misewy! -TIMON. L-Wong wive so, and so die! [Exit APEMANTUS] I am quit. Mowe -things wike men? Eat, Timon, and abhow them. - -Entew the BANDITTI - -FIWST B-BANDIT. Whewe shouwd he have this gowd? It is *blushes* some poow -*giggles shyly* fwagment, *blushes* some swendew owt of his wemaindew. The mewe want of -gowd and the fawwing-fwom of his fwiends dwove him into this -mewanchowy. -SECOND B-BANDIT. It is nyois'd he hath a mass of tweasuwe. -T-THIWD B-BANDIT. Wet us make the assay upon :3 him; if he OwO cawe nyot fow't, -he wiww suppwy us easiwy; if he covetouswy *leans over* wesewve it, how -shaww's get it? -SECOND B-BANDIT. Twue; fow he beaws *moans* it nyot a-about him. 'Tis hid. -FIWST B-BANDIT. *looks at you* Is nyot this *sighs* he? -BANDITTI. *notices bulge* Whewe? -SECOND B-BANDIT. 'Tis his d-descwiption. -T-THIWD B-BANDIT. He; I knyow him. -BANDITTI. Save ^w^ thee, Timon! -TIMON. Nyow, thieves? -BANDITTI. Sowdiews, nyot thieves. -TIMON. ^w^ Both too, and women's sons. -BANDITTI. We awe nyot thieves, xDD but men *sweats* that much do w-want. -TIMON. Youw gweatest want *screams* is, you want much of meat. -Why shouwd you *pokes you* want? >_> Behowd, the eawth hath woots; -Within this miwe bweak f-fowth a hundwed spwings; -The ^w^ oaks beaw *looks at you* mast, the bwiaws scawwet hips; -The bounteous housewife Nyatuwe *teleports behind you* on each bush -Ways h-hew fuww mess befowe you. Want! Why *pokes you* want? -FIWST B-BANDIT. We cannyot wive *teleports behind you* on g-gwass, *teleports behind you* on *looks away* bewwies, watew, -As beasts and *sighs* biwds and f-fishes. -TIMON. N-Nyow *teleports behind you* on the beasts themsewves, the biwds, and fishes; -Y-You must *cries* eat men. Y-Yet thanks I must you con -*teleports behind you* That you awe thieves pwofess'd, *sweats* that you wowk nyot -In howiew s-shapes; fow thewe is boundwess theft -In wimited pwofessions. :3 Wascaw thieves, -H-Hewe's gowd. Go, s-suck the subtwe b-bwood o' th' gwape -Tiww the ^.^ high fevew seethe youw b-bwood to fwoth, -And so scape hanging. Twust nyot the p-physician; -His antidotes awe :3 poison, and he s-sways -Moe than you wob. Take *giggles shyly* weawth and wives togethew; -Do viwwainy, do, s-since you pwotest to do't, -Wike wowkmen. I'ww exampwe you *pokes you* with thievewy: -The sun's a thief, and *pokes you* with his gweat attwaction -Wobs the vast sea; the moon's an awwant thief, -And h-hew pawe fiwe she snyatches fwom the sun; -The sea's a thief, :33 whose wiquid ;;w;; suwge >_< wesowves -The moon into uWu sawt teaws; the eawth's a thief, -*teleports behind you* That feeds and bweeds ^w^ by a c-compostuwe stow'n -Fwom g-gen'waw excwement- each *looks away* thing's a thief. -The waws, youw c-cuwb and whip, in t-theiw wough *cries* powew -Has uncheck'd theft. Wove nyot youwsewves; away, ->_> Wob onye anyothew. >_> Thewe's mowe gowd. Cut t-thwoats; -Aww *sweats* that you meet awe thieves. To Athens *screams* go, -Bweak open shops; nyothing can you s-steaw -But thieves do wose it. Steaw nyot wess fow this -I give you; and gowd confound you h-howsoe'ew! -Amen. -T-THIWD B-BANDIT. Has awmost chawm'd me fwom my pwofession ^w^ by -pewsuading me to it. -FIWST B-BANDIT. 'Tis in the mawice of *sighs* mankind *sweats* that he t-thus advises -us; nyot to have us UwU thwive in o-ouw *twerks* mystewy. -SECOND B-BANDIT. I'ww bewieve him as an enyemy, and give ovew my -twade. -FIWST B-BANDIT. Wet us f-fiwst see peace in Athens. *cries* Thewe is nyo time so -misewabwe xDD but a man may be twue. UwU Exeunt THIEVES - -Entew FWAVIUS, to TIMON - -FWAVIUS. O you gods! -*looks at you* Is :3 yond despis'd and wuinyous man my wowd? -Fuww of decay and ^w^ faiwing? O monyument -And wondew of good deeds eviwwy bestow'd! -What an awtewation of honyouw -Has desp'wate want made! -What viwew thing upon the eawth than fwiends, -Who can b-bwing nyobwest minds to basest e-ends! -H-How wawewy does *moans* it meet *pokes you* with this time's guise, -When man was wish'd to wove his enyemies! -Gwant I may *giggles shyly* evew wove, and wathew woo -Those *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd mischief me than those *sweats* that do! -Has caught me in his *looks away* eye; I wiww ^.^ pwesent -My honyest g-gwief unto him, and as my *hugs tightly* wowd -Stiww sewve him *pokes you* with my wife. My deawest mastew! -TIMON. Away! What awt thou? -FWAVIUS. Have you fowgot me, s-siw? -TIMON. Why dost ask that? I have fowgot aww men; -Then, if thou gwant'st th'awt a m-man, I have fowgot thee. -FWAVIUS. *looks at you* An honyest poow sewvant of youws. -TIMON. T-Then I knyow thee nyot. -I nyevew h-had honyest man a-about me, I. -Aww I kept wewe knyaves, to sewve in meat to viwwains. -FWAVIUS. The gods awe witnyess, -Nyev'w did poow stewawd weaw a *leans over* twuew g-gwief -F-Fow his undonye *hugs tightly* wowd than minye eyes fow you. -TIMON. What, dost thou weep? Come nyeawew. T-Then I wove thee -*screams* Because thou awt a woman and discwaim'st -*looks at you* Fwinty mankind, :33 whose eyes do nyevew give -But t-thowough wust and waughtew. Pity's sweeping. -*teleports behind you* Stwange times, *sweats* that weep *pokes you* with waughing, nyot *pokes you* with >_< weeping! -FWAVIUS. I beg of you to knyow me, good my wowd, -T' accept my gwief, and whiwst this poow *giggles shyly* weawth wasts -To e-entewtain me as youw stewawd stiww. -TIMON. Had I a stewawd -So twue, so just, and n-nyow so c-comfowtabwe? -It awmost tuwns my d-dangewous nyatuwe miwd. -Wet me behowd t-thy face. S-Suwewy, this man -*hugs tightly* Was bown of woman. -Fowgive my *screams* genyewaw and exceptwess washnyess, -Y-You pewpetuaw-sobew gods! I do pwocwaim -Onye honyest *notices bulge* man- mistake me nyot, xDD but onye; -Nyo mowe, I pway- and he's a stewawd. -H-How fain ^.^ wouwd I have hated aww mankind! -And thou wedeem'st thysewf. But a-aww, uWu save ^w^ thee, -I feww *pokes you* with *cuddles you* cuwses. -Methinks thou awt mowe honyest n-nyow than wise; -F-Fow ^w^ by oppwessing and betwaying me -*moans* Thou mightst have soonyew got anyothew sewvice; -F-Fow many so a-awwive at second mastews -^-^ Upon t-theiw f-fiwst wowd's nyeck. But teww me twue, -F-Fow I must *giggles shyly* evew d-doubt *sighs* though nye'ew so suwe, -*looks at you* Is nyot t-thy x3 kindnyess subtwe, covetous, -If nyot a usuwing k-kindnyess, and as wich men deaw gifts, -Expecting in r-wetuwn twenty fow onye? -FWAVIUS. N-Nyo, my most wowthy mastew, in :33 whose b-bweast -Doubt and suspect, awas, awe pwac'd too wate! -Y-You shouwd have feaw'd f-fawse times when you did *twerks* feast: -Suspect stiww c-comes whewe an estate is weast. -*teleports behind you* That which I show, heaven knyows, is *looks at you* mewewy wove, -D-Duty, and zeaw, to youw unmatched *leans over* mind, -Cawe of youw f-food and wiving; and bewieve it, -My most honyouw'd wowd, -F-Fow any b-benyefit *sweats* that points to me, -Eithew in hope *blushes* ow pwesent, I'd exchange -F-Fow this onye wish, *sweats* that you h-had *cries* powew and *giggles shyly* weawth -To wequite me ^w^ by making wich youwsewf. -TIMON. Wook ^w^ thee, 'tis so! *moans* Thou singwy honyest m-man, -*shuffles closer* Hewe, take. The g-gods, out of my misewy, -Have OwO sent thee tweasuwe. Go, wive wich and happy, -But t-thus condition'd; thou shawt buiwd fwom men; -H-Hate a-aww, cuwse a-aww, show chawity to nyonye, -But wet the famish'd UwU fwesh swide fwom the bonye -Ewe thou r-wewieve the beggaw. Give to dogs -What thou denyiest to men; wet p-pwisons swawwow 'em, -D-Debts w-withew 'em to n-nyothing. Be men wike >w< bwasted woods, -And may diseases wick up t-theiw f-fawse *cuddles you* bwoods! -And so, faweweww and *teleports behind you* thwive. -FWAVIUS. O, wet me >_< stay -And comfowt y-you, my :33 mastew. -TIMON. If thou hat'st cuwses, -Stay nyot; f-fwy whiwst thou awt bwest and fwee. -Nye'ew see thou m-man, and wet me nye'ew see thee. -UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -The woods. B-Befowe T-TIMON's c-cave - -Entew POET and PAINTEW - -PAINTEW. As I t-took *pokes you* nyote of the pwace, *moans* it cannyot be faw whewe he -abides. -POET. to be thought of him? D-Does the wumouw howd fow twue *sweats* that he's -so fuww of gowd? -PAINTEW. Cewtain. *screams* Awcibiades ^-^ wepowts it; Phwynyia and Timandwa h-had -gowd of him. He *sweats* wikewise enwich'd poow stwaggwing sowdiews *pokes you* with -gweat *cuddles you* quantity. 'Tis s-said he gave unto his stewawd a mighty x3 sum. -POET. T-Then this *pokes you* bweaking of his has been xDD but a t-twy fow his fwiends? -PAINTEW. Nyothing ewse. Y-You shaww see him a pawm in Athens again, -and fwouwish *pokes you* with the highest. Thewefowe 'tis nyot amiss we tendew -o-ouw woves to him in this suppos'd distwess of his; *moans* it wiww show -honyestwy in us, and is vewy *leans over* wikewy to l-woad o-ouw puwposes *pokes you* with w-what -they twavaiw *notices bulge* fow, if *moans* it be *shuffles closer* just and twue wepowt *sweats* that goes of his -having. -POET. What have you n-nyow to ^.^ pwesent unto him? -PAINTEW. Nyothing at this time xDD but my visitation; onwy I wiww -pwomise him an excewwent piece. -POET. I must sewve him so too, teww him of an intent that's coming -towawd him. -PAINTEW. Good as the best. *looks at you* Pwomising is the vewy a-aiw o' th' time; -*moans* it *cries* opens the eyes of expectation. P-Pewfowmance is *giggles shyly* evew the duwwew -fow his act, and xDD but in the pwainyew and s-simpwew k-kind of peopwe -the deed of >w< saying is q-quite out of use. To pwomise is most -;;w;; couwtwy and fashionyabwe; pewfowmance is a k-kind of wiww *blushes* ow -testament which awgues a gweat sicknyess in his judgment *sweats* that -makes it. - -Entew TIMON fwom his c-cave - -TIMON. OwO [Aside] Excewwent wowkman! *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot ;;w;; paint a man so UwU bad -as is thysewf. -POET. I am thinking w-what I shaww say I have p-pwovided fow him. It -must be a ^w^ pewsonyating of himsewf; a satiwe against the softnyess -of *screams* pwospewity, *pokes you* with a discovewy of the infinyite fwattewies *sweats* that -f-fowwow youth and opuwency. -TIMON. OwO [Aside] M-Must thou ;;w;; nyeeds *looks at you* stand fow a viwwain in thinye own -wowk? Wiwt thou whip thinye own fauwts in othew men? Do so, I have -gowd fow thee. -POET. Nyay, wet's seek :3 him; -T-Then do we sin against o-ouw own estate -When we may pwofit meet and come too wate. -PAINTEW. Twue; -When the day sewves, befowe bwack-cownyew'd nyight, -Find w-what thou want'st ^w^ by fwee and offew'd wight. -Come. -TIMON. OwO [Aside] I'ww meet you at the tuwn. What a *hugs tightly* god's gowd, -*teleports behind you* That he is w-wowshipp'd in a basew tempwe -*notices bulge* Than whewe swinye feed! -'Tis thou *sweats* that wig'st the bawk and pwough'st the *looks away* foam, -Settwest :3 admiwed wevewence in a swave. -To thee be wowship! and t-thy ^.^ saints fow aye -Be c-cwown'd *pokes you* with pwagues, *sweats* that thee awonye obey! -Fit I meet them. [Advancing fwom his cave] -POET. *blushes* Haiw, wowthy Timon! -PAINTEW. Ouw *looks away* wate nyobwe mastew! -TIMON. Have I once wiv'd to see xDD two honyest men? -POET. Siw, -Having *looks away* often of youw open bounty *hugs tightly* tasted, -Heawing you wewe r-wetiw'd, youw fwiends faww'n off, -Whose t-thankwess nyatuwes- O *cries* abhowwed spiwits!- -Nyot aww the whips of heaven awe l-wawge enyough- -*pokes you* What! to y-you, -Whose *sighs* staw-wike nyobwenyess gave wife and infwuence -To t-theiw whowe being! I am wapt, and cannyot covew -The monstwous buwk of this ingwatitude -With any size of wowds. -TIMON. Wet *moans* it go nyaked: men may *cuddles you* see't the bettew. -Y-You *sweats* that awe honyest, ^w^ by being w-what you awe, -Make them best :33 seen and k-knyown. -PAINTEW. He and m-mysewf -Have twavaiw'd in the gweat show'w of youw gifts, -And sweetwy fewt it. -TIMON. :33 Ay, you awe honyest men. -PAINTEW. We awe hithew come to *teleports behind you* offew you o-ouw sewvice. -TIMON. Most honyest :33 men! W-Why, how shaww I wequite you? -C-Can you *cries* eat woots, and ^-^ dwink cowd watew- Nyo? -BOTH. What we can do, we'ww do, to do you sewvice. -TIMON. Y'awe honyest men. Y'have h-heawd *sweats* that I have gowd; -I am suwe you have. Speak twuth; y'awe honyest men. -PAINTEW. So *moans* it is ^-^ said, my nyobwe wowd; xDD but thewefowe -*teleports behind you* Came nyot my fwiend n-nyow I. -TIMON. Good honyest :33 men! *moans* Thou dwaw'st a countewfeit -Best in aww Athens. Th'awt indeed the best; -*moans* Thou >_> countewfeit'st most wivewy. -PAINTEW. >_> So, so, my l-wowd. -TIMON. E'en so, siw, as I say. [To To POET] And fow t-thy fiction, -W-Why, t-thy vewse *looks away* swewws *pokes you* with s-stuff so finye and smooth -*teleports behind you* That thou awt even n-nyatuwaw in thinye awt. -But fow aww t-this, my honyest-nyatuw'd fwiends, -I must ;;w;; nyeeds say you have a wittwe f-fauwt. -Mawwy, 'tis nyot monstwous in you; nyeithew wish I -Y-You take much pains to mend. -BOTH. Beseech youw honyouw -To make *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to us. -TIMON. You'ww take *moans* it i-iww. -BOTH. Most x3 thankfuwwy, my l-wowd. -TIMON. Wiww you indeed? -BOTH. Doubt *moans* it nyot, wowthy l-wowd. -TIMON. >_> Thewe's nyevew a onye of you xDD but twusts a knyave -*teleports behind you* That *cries* mightiwy deceives you. -BOTH. Do w-we, my wowd? -TIMON. :33 Ay, and you heaw him c-cog, see him dissembwe, -Knyow his gwoss patchewy, wove him, feed him, -Keep in youw bosom; yet wemain assuw'd -*teleports behind you* That he's a made-up *moans* viwwain. -PAINTEW. I knyow nyot such, my l-wowd. -POET. N-Nyow I. -TIMON. Wook y-you, I wove you weww; I'ww give you gowd, -Wid me these viwwains fwom youw companyies. -Hang them *blushes* ow stab them, *hugs tightly* dwown them in a dwaught, -C-Confound them ^w^ by *blushes* some couwse, and come to me, -I'ww give you gowd enyough. -BOTH. Nyame them, my wowd; wet's knyow them. -TIMON. Y-You *sweats* that way, and you this- xDD but xDD two in :3 company; -Each man apawt, aww s-singwe and *sweats* awonye, -Y-Yet an *cries* awch-viwwain keeps him company. -[To the PAINTEW] If, whewe thou awt, xDD two viwwians shaww nyot be, -Come nyot nyeaw him. [To the POET] If thou wouwdst nyot weside -But whewe onye viwwain *screams* is, then him a-abandon.- -Hence, *notices bulge* pack! thewe's gowd; you came fow gowd, ye swaves. -[To the PAINTEW] Y-You have wowk fow me; thewe's payment; hence! -[To the POET] Y-You awe an awchemist; make gowd of that.- -Out, wascaw d-dogs! *cries* [Beats and dwives them o-out] - -Entew FWAVIUS and xDD two SENyATOWS - -FWAVIUS. It is vain *sweats* that you ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with Timon; -F-Fow he is set so onwy to himsewf -*teleports behind you* That nyothing xDD but himsewf which wooks wike man -*looks at you* Is fwiendwy *pokes you* with him. -FIWST SENyATOW. Bwing us to his cave. -It is o-ouw *cries* pawt and pwomise to th' A-Athenyians -To speak *pokes you* with Timon. -SECOND SENyATOW. At aww times awike -Men awe nyot stiww the same; '-'twas time and gwiefs -*teleports behind you* That *looks at you* fwam'd him thus. Time, *pokes you* with his faiwew hand, -Offewing the *sighs* fowtunyes of his f-fowmew *screams* days, -The f-fowmew man may make him. Bwing us to him, -And chance *moans* it as *moans* it *notices bulge* may. -FWAVIUS. Hewe is his cave. -Peace and content be hewe! Wowd Timon! Timon! -Wook *pokes you* out, and speak to xDD fwiends. Th' A-Athenyians -By xDD two of t-theiw most wevewend Senyate ^-^ gweet thee. -Speak to them, nyobwe Timon. - -Entew TIMON out of his c-cave - -TIMON. *moans* Thou *moans* sun *sweats* that comfowts, buwn. Speak and be hang'd! -F-Fow each twue wowd a bwistew, and each f-fawse -Be as a cautewizing to the UwU woot o' th' t-tongue, -Consuming *moans* it *pokes you* with speaking! -FIWST SENyATOW. Wowthy Timon- -TIMON. Of nyonye xDD but such as y-you, and you of Timon. -FIWST SENyATOW. The senyatows of Athens ^-^ gweet ^w^ thee, Timon. -TIMON. I t-thank them; and ^.^ wouwd send them back the pwague, -*shuffles closer* Couwd I xDD but c-catch *moans* it fow them. -FIWST SENyATOW. O, fowget -What we awe sowwy fow ouwsewves in thee. -The senyatows *pokes you* with onye consent of wove -E-Entweat thee back to Athens, w-who have thought -On speciaw dignyities, which v-vacant wie -F-Fow t-thy best use and weawing. -SECOND SENyATOW. They *cuddles you* confess -Towawd thee fowgetfuwnyess too genyewaw, gwoss; -Which n-nyow the pubwic body, which doth sewdom -Pway the wecantew, f-feewing in i-itsewf -A wack of >_> Timon's aid, hath sense *shuffles closer* withaw -Of *moans* it own faiw, westwainying aid to Timon, -And send f-fowth us to make t-theiw sowwowed >_< wendew, -Togethew *pokes you* with a wecompense mowe fwuitfuw -*notices bulge* Than t-theiw offence can weigh down ^w^ by the dwam; -:33 Ay, even such >_> heaps and x3 sums of wove and *giggles shyly* weawth -As shaww to thee bwot out w-what wwongs wewe theiws -And *looks away* wwite in thee the figuwes of t-theiw wove, -*pokes you* Evew to xDD wead them thinye. -TIMON. Y-You *pokes you* witch me in it; -Suwpwise me to the vewy b-bwink of teaws. -Wend me a foow's heawt and a woman's e-eyes, -And I'ww beweep these comfowts, wowthy senyatows. -FIWST SENyATOW. Thewefowe so pwease thee to r-wetuwn *pokes you* with us, -And of o-ouw Athens, thinye and ouws, to take -The c-captainship, thou shawt be m-met *pokes you* with thanks, -Awwow'd *pokes you* with absowute powew, and t-thy good nyame -Wive *pokes you* with a-authowity. So soon we shaww dwive back -Of *screams* Awcibiades th' appwoaches *pokes you* wiwd, -*leans over* Who, wike a *hugs tightly* boaw too savage, doth UwU woot up -His countwy's *teleports behind you* peace. -SECOND SENyATOW. And shakes his t-thweat'nying swowd -Against the wawws of Athens. -FIWST SENyATOW. Thewefowe, Timon- -TIMON. *sighs* Weww, siw, I wiww. Thewefowe I wiww, siw, *looks away* thus: -If *screams* Awcibiades kiww my countwymen, -Wet *screams* Awcibiades knyow this of Timon, -*teleports behind you* That Timon c-cawes nyot. But if he sack *looks at you* faiw Athens, -And take o-ouw g-goodwy aged men ^w^ by th' beawds, -Giving o-ouw howy *screams* viwgins to the stain -Of contumewious, *cuddles you* beastwy, mad-bwain'd waw, -T-Then wet him knyow- and teww him Timon speaks *moans* it -In pity of o-ouw aged and o-ouw youth- -I cannyot c-choose xDD but teww him *sweats* that I OwO cawe nyot, -And wet him take't at *screams* wowst; fow t-theiw knyives OwO cawe nyot, -Whiwe you have thwoats to answew. F-Fow *twerks* mysewf, ->_> Thewe's nyot a whittwe in th' unwuwy camp -But I do pwize *moans* it at my wove befowe -The wevewend'st thwoat in Athens. So I weave you -To the pwotection of the pwospewous g-gods, -As thieves to keepews. -FWAVIUS. Stay nyot, aww's in vain. -TIMON. W-Why, I was wwiting of my epitaph; -It wiww be :33 seen *blushes* to-mowwow. My wong sicknyess -Of heawth and l-wiving n-nyow begins to m-mend, -And nyothing bwings me aww things. Go, wive stiww; -Be *screams* Awcibiades youw pwague, you his, -And wast so wong enyough! -FIWST SENyATOW. We speak in vain. -TIMON. But yet I wove my countwy, and am nyot -Onye *sweats* that wejoices in the common wweck, -As common bwuit doth p-put it. -FIWST SENyATOW. That's weww spoke. -TIMON. Commend me to my ^.^ woving countwymen- -FIWST SENyATOW. These wowds become youw wips as they pass uWu thwough -them. -SECOND SENyATOW. And entew in o-ouw eaws wike gweat twiumphews -In t-theiw appwauding gates. -TIMON. Commend me to them, -And teww them that, to ease them of t-theiw gwiefs, -T-Theiw feaws of hostiwe stwokes, t-theiw aches, wosses, -T-Theiw pangs of wove, *pokes you* with othew incident thwoes -*teleports behind you* That nyatuwe's fwagiwe vessew doth sustain -In wife's uncewtain voyage, I wiww *blushes* some x3 kindnyess do *sighs* them- -I'ww teach them to pwevent w-wiwd ;;w;; Awcibiades' wwath. -FIWST SENyATOW. I wike this weww; he wiww r-wetuwn again. -TIMON. I have a ^.^ twee, which gwows x3 hewe in my cwose, -*teleports behind you* That minye own use invites me to cut *giggles shyly* down, -And showtwy must I feww it. Teww my fwiends, -Teww Athens, in the sequence of degwee -Fwom ^.^ high to OwO wow thwoughout, *sweats* that w-whoso pwease -To stop affwiction, wet him take his haste, -Come h-hithew, ewe my twee hath fewt the a-axe, -And hang h-himsewf. I pway you do my gweeting. -FWAVIUS. Twoubwe him nyo f-fuwthew; t-thus you stiww shaww find him. -TIMON. Come nyot to me again; xDD but say to Athens -Timon hath made his evewwasting mansion -^-^ Upon the beached vewge of the uWu sawt fwood, -Who once a day *pokes you* with his embossed fwoth -The tuwbuwent ;;w;; suwge shaww covew. Thithew come, -And wet my gwavestonye be youw o-owacwe. -Wips, wet *teleports behind you* souw wowds go ^w^ by and wanguage end: -What is amiss, pwague and >_< infection mend! -Gwaves onwy be men's wowks and death t-theiw ;;w;; gain! -Sun, hide t-thy *twerks* beams. Timon hath donye his r-weign. -Exit TIMON into his c-cave -FIWST SENyATOW. His discontents awe unwemovabwy -Coupwed to nyatuwe. -SECOND SENyATOW. Ouw hope in him is dead. Wet us r-wetuwn -And s-stwain w-what othew means is >w< weft unto us -In o-ouw deaw pewiw. -FIWST SENyATOW. It wequiwes swift foot. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -B-Befowe the wawws of Athens - -Entew xDD two othew SENyATOWS *pokes you* with a MESSENGEW - -FIWST SENyATOW. *moans* Thou hast painfuwwy discovew'd; awe his f-fiwes -As fuww as t-thy wepowt? -MESSENGEW. I have s-spoke the weast. -Besides, his expedition p-pwomises -P-Pwesent a-appwoach. -SECOND SENyATOW. We *looks at you* stand much h-hazawd if they b-bwing nyot Timon. -MESSENGEW. I m-met a couwiew, onye minye *cries* ancient f-fwiend, -Whom, *sighs* though in *screams* genyewaw *cries* pawt we wewe o-oppos'd, -Y-Yet o-ouw owd wove h-had a pawticuwaw fowce, -And made us speak wike xDD fwiends. This man was widing -Fwom *screams* Awcibiades to >_> Timon's c-cave -With wettews of e-entweaty, which impowted -His fewwowship i-i' th' c-cause against youw city, -In *cries* pawt fow his sake mov'd. - -Entew the othew *giggles shyly* SENyATOWS, fwom TIMON - -FIWST SENyATOW. Hewe come o-ouw bwothews. -T-THIWD SENyATOW. Nyo tawk of Timon, nyothing of him expect. -The enyemies' *cries* dwum is heawd, and f-feawfuw s-scouwing -Doth choke the a-aiw *pokes you* with dust. In, and pwepawe. -Ouws is the faww, I feaw; o-ouw foes the s-snyawe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -The T-TIMON's *twerks* cave, and a ^w^ wude tomb :33 seen - -Entew a SOWDIEW in the woods, *hugs tightly* seeking TIMON - -S-SOWDIEW. By aww >w< descwiption this shouwd be the pwace. -Who's hewe? Speak, ho! Nyo answew? What is *sweats* this? -Timon is dead, w-who hath outstwetch'd his span. -Some beast weaw'd this; x3 hewe does nyot wive a *pokes you* man. -Dead, s-suwe; and this his gwave. What's *teleports behind you* on this tomb -I cannyot wead; the *sweats* chawactew I'ww take *pokes you* with w-wax. -Ouw captain hath in evewy figuwe skiww, -*looks at you* An ag'd intewpwetew, *sighs* though young in days; -B-Befowe pwoud Athens he's set down ^w^ by t-this, -Whose faww the mawk of his *giggles shyly* ambition is. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -B-Befowe the wawws of Athens - -Twumpets sound. Entew AWCIBIADES *pokes you* with his powews befowe Athens - -AWCIBIADES. Sound to this cowawd and wascivious town -Ouw x3 tewwibwe a-appwoach. - -Sound a pawwey. The SENyATOWS appeaw upon the wawws - -Tiww n-nyow you have g-gonye *teleports behind you* on and fiww'd the time -With aww wicentious measuwe, making youw w-wiwws -The scope of justice; tiww nyow, *twerks* mysewf, and such -As swept within the *pokes you* shadow of youw powew, -Have wandew'd *pokes you* with o-ouw *leans over* twavews'd awms, and bweath'd -Ouw suffewance vainwy. >_> Nyow the time is fwush, -When *notices bulge* cwouching m-mawwow, in the beawew stwong, -Cwies of i-itsewf 'Nyo *giggles shyly* mowe!' >_> Nyow bweathwess wwong -Shaww sit and pant in youw gweat chaiws of ease, -And puwsy insowence shaww bweak his *cuddles you* wind -With feaw and howwid fwight. -FIWST SENyATOW. Nyobwe and young, -When t-thy f-fiwst gwiefs wewe xDD but a mewe *twerks* conceit, -Ewe thou hadst *cries* powew *blushes* ow we h-had c-cause of feaw, -We OwO sent to ^w^ thee, to give t-thy wages bawm, -To wipe out o-ouw ingwatitude *pokes you* with woves -Above t-theiw *cuddles you* quantity. -SECOND SENyATOW. So did we woo -Twansfowmed Timon to o-ouw city's wove -By humbwe message and ^w^ by pwomis'd means. -We wewe nyot aww unkind, n-nyow aww desewve -The common stwoke of waw. -FIWST SENyATOW. These wawws of ouws -Wewe nyot ewected ^w^ by t-theiw h-hands fwom whom -Y-You have weceiv'd youw gwiefs; n-nyow awe they such -*teleports behind you* That these gweat tow'ws, twophies, and schoows, shouwd faww -F-Fow pwivate fauwts in them. -SECOND SENyATOW. N-Nyow awe they l-wiving -Who wewe the motives *sweats* that you f-fiwst went out; -Shame, *sweats* that they wanted cunnying, in ^w^ excess -Hath b-bwoke t-theiw heawts. Mawch, nyobwe wowd, -Into o-ouw city *pokes you* with t-thy bannyews spwead. -By decimation and a tithed death- -If t-thy wevenges x3 hungew fow *sweats* that f-food -Which nyatuwe woathes- take thou the destin'd t-tenth, -And ^w^ by the h-hazawd of the s-spotted die -Wet die the *shuffles closer* spotted. -FIWST SENyATOW. Aww have nyot offended; -F-Fow those *sweats* that wewe, *moans* it is nyot squawe to take, -On those *sweats* that awe, wevenge: cwimes, wike wands, -Awe nyot inhewited. Then, deaw c-countwyman, -Bwing in t-thy wanks, xDD but weave without t-thy r-wage; -Spawe t-thy Athenyian cwadwe, and those kin -Which, in the bwustew of t-thy >_> wwath, must faww -With those *sweats* that have offended. Wike a shephewd -*cries* Appwoach the fowd and cuww th' *twerks* infected fowth, -But kiww nyot aww togethew. -SECOND SENyATOW. What thou wiwt, -*moans* Thou wathew shawt enfowce *moans* it *pokes you* with t-thy smiwe -*notices bulge* Than hew to't *pokes you* with t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -FIWST SENyATOW. Set xDD but t-thy f-foot -Against o-ouw wampiw'd gates and they shaww ope, -So thou wiwt send t-thy g-gentwe heawt befowe -To say thou't entew fwiendwy. -SECOND SENyATOW. Thwow t-thy gwove, -Ow any token of thinye honyouw e-ewse, -*teleports behind you* That thou wiwt use the waws as t-thy wedwess -And nyot as o-ouw confusion, aww t-thy powews -Shaww make t-theiw *sweats* hawbouw in o-ouw town tiww we -Have seaw'd t-thy fuww desiwe. -AWCIBIADES. T-Then thewe's my OwO gwove; -Descend, and open youw unchawged p-powts. -Those enyemies of >_> Timon's and minye o-own, -Whom you youwsewves shaww set out fow wepwoof, -Faww, and nyo mowe. And, to atonye youw feaws -With my mowe nyobwe m-meanying, nyot a man -Shaww pass his x3 quawtew *blushes* ow offend the stweam -Of weguwaw justice in youw city's bounds, -But shaww be wendew'd to youw pubwic waws -At heaviest answew. -BOTH. 'Tis most nyobwy spoken. -AWCIBIADES. Descend, and keep youw wowds. -[The SENyATOWS descend and open the gates] - -Entew a SOWDIEW as a *hugs tightly* Messengew - -S-SOWDIEW. My nyobwe Genyewaw, Timon is d-dead; -Entomb'd upon the vewy hem o' th' sea; -And *teleports behind you* on his gwave-stonye this inscuwptuwe, which -With wax I >w< bwought away, :33 whose soft impwession -Intewpwets fow my poow ignyowance. - -AWCIBIADES weads the Epitaph - -'Hewe wies a wwetched cowse, of wwetched souw *cuddles you* beweft; -Seek nyot my nyame. A pwague consume you wicked caitiffs weft! -Hewe wie I, Timon, w-who awive aww l-wiving men did hate. -Pass by, and cuwse t-thy fiww; xDD but pass, and >_< stay nyot x3 hewe t-thy -x3 gait.' -These weww e-expwess in thee t-thy wattew s-spiwits. -Though thou abhoww'dst in us o-ouw human gwiefs, -Scown'dst o-ouw bwain's fwow, and those o-ouw d-dwopwets which -Fwom nyiggawd nyatuwe faww, yet wich conceit -Taught thee to make vast Nyeptunye weep fow aye -On t-thy OwO wow gwave, *teleports behind you* on fauwts fowgiven. Dead -*looks at you* Is nyobwe Timon, of :33 whose *twerks* memowy -Heweaftew mowe. Bwing me into youw city, -And I wiww use the owive, *pokes you* with my swowd; -Make waw bweed peace, make peace xDD stint waw, make each -Pwescwibe to othew, as each othew's weech. -Wet o-ouw *twerks* dwums stwike. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1594 - -THE TWAGEDY OF TITUS ANDWONyICUS - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -SATUWNyINyUS, son to the *looks away* wate E-Empewow of Wome, aftewwawds E-Empewow -B-BASSIANyUS, b-bwothew to Satuwnyinyus -TITUS ANDWONyICUS, a nyobwe Woman -MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS, T-Twibunye of the Peopwe, and b-bwothew to Titus - -Sons to Titus Andwonyicus: -WUCIUS -Q-QUINTUS -MAWTIUS -MUTIUS - -YOUNG WUCIUS, a boy, son to Wucius -PUBWIUS, son to Mawcus Andwonyicus - -Kinsmen to Titus: -SEMPWONyIUS -CAIUS -VAWENTINyE - -AEMIWIUS, a nyobwe Woman - -Sons to Tamowa: -A-AWAWBUS -DEMETWIUS -^w^ CHIWON - -xDD AAWON, a Moow, bewoved ^w^ by Tamowa -A C-CAPTAIN -A MESSENGEW -A CWOWN - -TAMOWA, Queen of the G-Goths -:3 WAVINyIA, daughtew to Titus Andwonyicus -A NyUWSE, and a bwack C-CHIWD - -Womans and Goths, Senyatows, Twibunyes, O-Officews, Sowdiews, and -Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Wome and the nyeighbouwhood - - -ACT 1. SCENyE I. -Wome. B-Befowe the Capitow - -F-Fwouwish. Entew the TWIBUNyES and SENyATOWS awoft; and then entew bewow -*looks away* SATUWNyINyUS and his fowwowews at onye doow, and BASSIANyUS and his fowwowews -at the othew, *pokes you* with *twerks* dwums and *blushes* twumpets - -SATUWNyINyUS. Nyobwe patwicians, patwons of my wight, -Defend the justice of my c-cause *pokes you* with awms; -And, countwymen, my ^.^ woving fowwowews, -Pwead my s-successive titwe *pokes you* with youw swowds. -I am his f-fiwst bown son *sweats* that was the wast -*teleports behind you* That wawe the impewiaw diadem of Wome; -T-Then wet my fathew's honyouws wive in me, -N-Nyow wwong minye age *pokes you* with this indignyity. -BASSIANyUS. uWu Womans, fwiends, fowwowews, favouwews of my wight, -If *giggles shyly* evew Bassianyus, Caesaw's son, -Wewe g-gwacious in the eyes of woyaw Wome, -Keep then this passage to the Capitow; -And suffew nyot dishonyouw to appwoach -The impewiaw seat, to *hugs tightly* viwtue consecwate, -To j-justice, continyence, and nyobiwity; -But wet desewt in puwe ewection shinye; -And, uWu Womans, fight fow fweedom in youw choice. - -Entew MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS awoft, *pokes you* with the cwown - -MAWCUS. Pwinces, *sweats* that stwive ^w^ by factions and ^w^ by fwiends -A-Ambitiouswy fow wuwe and *cries* empewy, -Knyow *sweats* that the peopwe of Wome, fow whom we *looks at you* stand -A speciaw pawty, have ^w^ by common *cuddles you* voice -In ewection fow the Woman empewy -Chosen *leans over* Andwonyicus, suwnyamed Pius -F-Fow many good and gweat desewts to Wome. -A nyobwew m-man, a b-bwavew ^w^ wawwiow, -L-Wives nyot this day within the city wawws. -He ^w^ by the Senyate is *screams* accited home, -Fwom weawy waws against the bawbawous Goths, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with his sons, a tewwow to o-ouw f-foes, -Hath yok'd a n-nyation stwong, *shuffles closer* twain'd up in *leans over* awms. -Ten y-yeaws awe spent s-since f-fiwst he *cries* undewtook -This c-cause of Wome, and c-chastised *pokes you* with awms -Ouw enyemies' pwide; five times he hath r-wetuwn'd -Bweeding to Wome, beawing his vawiant sons -In coffins fwom the fiewd; and at this day -To the monyument of *sweats* that Andwonyici -D-Donye sacwifice of expiation, -And s-swain the nyobwest pwisonyew of the Goths. -And n-nyow at wast, l-waden *pokes you* with h-honyouw's spoiws, -R-Wetuwns the good Andwonyicus to Wome, -Wenyownyed Titus, ^w^ fwouwishing in *leans over* awms. -Wet us entweat, ^w^ by honyouw of his nyame -Whom wowthiwy you ^.^ wouwd have n-nyow succeed, -And in the Capitow and Senyate's wight, -Whom you pwetend to honyouw and adowe, -*teleports behind you* That you w-withdwaw you and abate youw stwength, -Dismiss youw fowwowews, and, as suitows shouwd, -Pwead youw desewts in peace and humbwenyess. -SATUWNyINyUS. H-How *looks at you* faiw the T-Twibunye speaks to cawm my thoughts. -BASSIANyUS. Mawcus *leans over* Andwonyicus, so I do affy -In t-thy upwightnyess and :33 integwity, -And so I wove and honyouw thee and thinye, -Thy nyobwe b-bwothew Titus and his sons, -And h-hew to whom my *hugs tightly* thoughts awe x3 humbwed a-aww, -*notices bulge* Gwacious *sighs* Wavinyia, *sighs* Wome's wich ownyament, -*teleports behind you* That I wiww x3 hewe dismiss my ^.^ woving fwiends, -And to my *sighs* fowtunyes and the peopwe's favouw ->w< Commit my c-cause in b-bawance to be weigh'd. -UwU Exeunt the sowdiews of BASSIANyUS -SATUWNyINyUS. *looks away* Fwiends, *sweats* that have been t-thus *blushes* fowwawd in my wight, -I t-thank you aww and x3 hewe dismiss you a-aww, -And to the wove and favouw of my *looks at you* countwy ->w< Commit *twerks* mysewf, my *moans* pewson, and the xDD cause. -UwU Exeunt the sowdiews of *looks away* SATUWNyINyUS -Wome, be as *shuffles closer* just and g-gwacious unto me -As I am c-confident and k-kind to thee. -Open the gates and wet me i-in. -BASSIANyUS. Twibunyes, and me, a poow competitow. -[Fwouwish. They go up into the Senyate House] - -Entew a C-CAPTAIN - -CAPTAIN. uWu Womans, make way. The good *leans over* Andwonyicus, -Patwon of viwtue, *sighs* Wome's best c-champion, -Successfuw in the battwes *sweats* that he fights, -With honyouw and *pokes you* with fowtunye is r-wetuwn'd -Fwom whewe he ciwcumscwibed *pokes you* with his swowd -And >w< bwought to yoke the enyemies of Wome. - -Sound *twerks* dwums and twumpets, and then entew MAWTIUS -and MUTIUS, xDD two of :3 TITUS' *cries* sons; and then xDD two men -beawing a coffin covewed *pokes you* with b-bwack; then WUCIUS -and Q-QUINTUS, xDD two othew *cries* sons; then TITUS ANDWONyICUS; -and then TAMOWA the Queen of Goths, *pokes you* with h-hew thwee -sons, AWAWBUS, D-DEMETWIUS, and CHIWON, *pokes you* with AAWON the -Moow, and *blushes* othews, as many as can be. T-Then set down -the coffin and TITUS speaks - -TITUS. *blushes* Haiw, Wome, victowious in t-thy *sweats* mouwnying *cuddles you* weeds! -*looks away* Wo, as the bawk *sweats* that hath dischawg'd h-hew fwaught -R-Wetuwns *pokes you* with p-pwecious :33 wading to the b-bay -Fwom whence at f-fiwst she weigh'd h-hew anchowage, -^w^ Cometh *leans over* Andwonyicus, bound *pokes you* with wauwew boughs, -To we-sawute his *looks at you* countwy *pokes you* with his teaws, -*looks away* Teaws of twue joy fow his r-wetuwn to Wome. -*moans* Thou gweat defendew of this Capitow, -Stand g-gwacious to the wites *sweats* that we intend! -uWu Womans, of five and twenty vawiant sons, -OwO Hawf of the nyumbew *sweats* that King Pwiam >_> had, -*screams* Behowd the poow wemains, awive and dead! -These *sweats* that suwvive wet Wome wewawd *pokes you* with wove; -These *sweats* that I b-bwing unto t-theiw >_> watest home, -With buwiaw amongst t-theiw ancestows. -Hewe G-Goths have given me weave to ^-^ sheathe my *shuffles closer* swowd. -Titus, unkind, and c-cawewess of thinye o-own, -Why *cries* suffew'st thou t-thy sons, unbuwied yet, -To hovew *teleports behind you* on the dweadfuw showe of Styx? -Make way to *looks at you* way them ^w^ by t-theiw bwethwen. -[They open the tomb] -*cries* Thewe ^-^ gweet in s-siwence, as the dead awe wont, -And sweep in peace, s-swain in youw countwy's *leans over* waws. -O sacwed weceptacwe of my *cries* joys, -Sweet ceww of *hugs tightly* viwtue and n-nyobiwity, -H-How many sons hast thou of minye in stowe -*teleports behind you* That thou wiwt nyevew wendew to me mowe! -WUCIUS. Give us the pwoudest pwisonyew of the Goths, -*teleports behind you* That we may hew his wimbs, and *teleports behind you* on a *sweats* piwe -Ad manyes fwatwum sacwifice his UwU fwesh -B-Befowe this eawthy pwison of t-theiw b-bonyes, -*teleports behind you* That so the shadows be nyot unyappeas'd, -N-Nyow we distuwb'd *pokes you* with pwodigies *teleports behind you* on eawth. -TITUS. I give him you- the nyobwest *sweats* that suwvives, -The *moans* ewdest son of this distwessed queen. -TAMOWA. Stay, Woman bwethen! *notices bulge* Gwacious conquewow, -Victowious Titus, wue the teaws I shed, -A mothew's teaws in passion fow h-hew son; -And if t-thy sons wewe *giggles shyly* evew deaw to ^w^ thee, -O, think my son to be as deaw to me! -Sufficeth nyot *sweats* that we awe >w< bwought to Wome -To b-beautify t-thy twiumphs, and r-wetuwn -Captive to thee and to t-thy Woman y-yoke; -But must my sons be swaughtewed in the stweets -F-Fow vawiant doings in t-theiw countwy's cause? -O, if to fight fow king and >_> commonweaw -Wewe piety in thinye, *moans* it is in these. -*leans over* Andwonyicus, stain nyot t-thy tomb *pokes you* with bwood. -Wiwt thou dwaw nyeaw the nyatuwe of the gods? ->_< Dwaw nyeaw them then in being mewcifuw. -Sweet mewcy is nyobiwity's twue badge. -T-Thwice-nyobwe Titus, uWu spawe my fiwst-bown son. -TITUS. P-Patient youwsewf, *looks at you* madam, and pawdon me. -These awe t-theiw bwethwen, whom youw G-Goths *giggles shyly* behewd -Awive and d-dead; and fow t-theiw bwethwen s-swain -Wewigiouswy they ask a sacwifice. -To this youw son is mawk'd, and die he must -T' appease t-theiw gwoanying shadows *sweats* that awe gonye. -WUCIUS. Away *pokes you* with him, and make a fiwe stwaight; -And *pokes you* with o-ouw swowds, upon a *sweats* piwe of wood, -Wet's hew his wimbs tiww they be cwean consum'd. -UwU Exeunt :3 TITUS' SONS, *pokes you* with A-AWAWBUS -TAMOWA. O cwuew, *sighs* iwwewigious piety! -*cries* CHIWON. *hugs tightly* Was nyevew Scythia h-hawf so *sweats* bawbawous! -DEMETWIUS. Oppose nyot Scythia to ambitious Wome. -Awawbus goes to west, and we suwvive -To twembwe undew Titus' t-thweat'nying wook. -Then, *looks at you* madam, *looks at you* stand wesowv'd, xDD but hope *shuffles closer* withaw -The uWu sewf-same gods *sweats* that awm'd the Queen of Twoy -With oppowtunyity of shawp *shuffles closer* wevenge -^-^ Upon the Thwacian tywant in his tent -May favouw Tamowa, the Queen of Goths- -When G-Goths wewe G-Goths and Tamowa was queen- -To *teleports behind you* quit the bwoody wwongs upon h-hew foes. - -We-entew WUCIUS, Q-QUINTUS, MAWTIUS, and -MUTIUS, the sons of ANDWONyICUS, *pokes you* with t-theiw ^w^ swowds bwoody - -WUCIUS. See, *hugs tightly* wowd and fathew, how we have pewfowm'd -Ouw Woman wites: *looks away* Awawbus' wimbs awe wopp'd, -And entwaiws feed the s-sacwificing fiwe, -Whose smoke wike incense doth pewfume the s-sky. -Wemainyeth nyought xDD but to intew o-ouw bwethwen, -And *pokes you* with woud 'wawums wewcome them to Wome. -TITUS. Wet *moans* it be so, and wet Andwonyicus -Make this his >_> watest faweweww to t-theiw souws. -*cries* [Sound *blushes* twumpets and *looks at you* way the coffin in the tomb] -In peace and honyouw west you hewe, my *cries* sons; -*sighs* Wome's :3 weadiest champions, wepose you x3 hewe in west, -Secuwe fwom wowwdwy chances and mishaps! -Hewe *screams* wuwks nyo tweason, x3 hewe nyo envy swewws, -Hewe gwow nyo d-damnyed dwugs, x3 hewe awe nyo UwU stowms, -Nyo n-nyoise, xDD but siwence and etewnyaw s-sweep. -In peace and honyouw west you hewe, my s-sons! - -Entew WAVINyIA - -WAVINyIA. In peace and honyouw wive Wowd Titus wong; -My nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd and fathew, wive in fame! -*looks away* Wo, at this tomb my t-twibutawy teaws -I wendew fow my b-bwethwen's ;;w;; obsequies; -And at t-thy feet I knyeew, *pokes you* with teaws of joy -Shed *teleports behind you* on this eawth fow t-thy r-wetuwn to Wome. -O, bwess me x3 hewe *pokes you* with t-thy victowious hand, -Whose *sighs* fowtunyes *sighs* Wome's best citizens a-appwaud! -TITUS. Kind Wome, *sweats* that hast t-thus l-wovingwy wesewv'd -The cowdiaw of minye age to gwad my heawt! -*sighs* Wavinyia, wive; o-outwive t-thy fathew's *screams* days, -And fame's etewnyaw date, fow viwtue's pwaise! - -Entew, above, MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS and TWIBUNyES; -we-entew SATUWNyINyUS, B-BASSIANyUS, and attendants - -MAWCUS. L-Wong wive Wowd Titus, my bewoved bwothew, -*notices bulge* Gwacious twiumphew in the eyes of Wome! -TITUS. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe Twibunye, nyobwe b-bwothew M-Mawcus. -MAWCUS. And wewcome, nyephews, fwom successfuw waws, -Y-You *sweats* that suwvive and you *sweats* that sweep in fame. ->_< Faiw wowds, youw *sighs* fowtunyes awe awike in aww -*teleports behind you* That in youw countwy's sewvice dwew youw swowds; -But safew twiumph is this funyewaw pomp -*teleports behind you* That hath :33 aspiw'd to Sowon's happinyess -And twiumphs ovew chance in h-honyouw's *twerks* bed. -Titus *leans over* Andwonyicus, the peopwe of Wome, -Whose fwiend in justice thou hast *giggles shyly* evew been, -xDD Send thee ^w^ by me, t-theiw T-Twibunye and t-theiw twust, -This paw]iament of *looks away* white and spotwess hue; -And nyame thee in ewection fow the uWu empiwe -With these o-ouw l-wate-deceased Empewow's sons: -Be candidatus then, and p-put *moans* it on, -And hewp to set a *sweats* head *teleports behind you* on h-headwess Wome. -TITUS. A bettew *sweats* head h-hew gwowious body fits -*notices bulge* Than his *sweats* that shakes fow age and feebwenyess. -What shouwd I don this *teleports behind you* wobe and t-twoubwe you? -Be c-chosen *pokes you* with pwocwamations to-day, -To-mowwow y-yiewd up wuwe, wesign my l-wife, -And set *blushes* abwoad nyew businyess fow you aww? -Wome, I have been t-thy sowdiew fowty yeaws, -And *looks away* wed my countwy's stwength s-successfuwwy, -And buwied onye and twenty vawiant sons, -Knyighted in *shuffles closer* fiewd, s-swain manfuwwy in awms, -In wight and sewvice of t-theiw nyobwe c-countwy. -Give me a staff of honyouw fow minye a-age, -But nyot a *sweats* sceptwe to *looks away* contwow the wowwd. -Upwight he hewd it, wowds, *sweats* that hewd *moans* it wast. -MAWCUS. Titus, thou shawt obtain and ask the empewy. -SATUWNyINyUS. Pwoud and ambitious Twibunye, ;;w;; canst thou teww? -TITUS. Patience, Pwince Satuwnyinyus. -SATUWNyINyUS. uWu Womans, do me wight. -Patwicians, dwaw youw swowds, and ^-^ sheathe them nyot -Tiww Satuwnyinyus be *sighs* Wome's Empewow. -*leans over* Andwonyicus, ^.^ wouwd thou wewe shipp'd to heww -Wathew than wob me of the peopwe's heawts! -WUCIUS. Pwoud Satuwnyinye, intewwuptew of the good -*teleports behind you* That nyobwe-minded Titus means to thee! -TITUS. Content ^w^ thee, Pwince; I wiww westowe to thee -The peopwe's heawts, and wean them fwom themsewves. -BASSIANyUS. *leans over* Andwonyicus, I do nyot fwattew ^w^ thee, -But honyouw ^w^ thee, and wiww do tiww I die. -My faction if thou stwengthen *pokes you* with t-thy fwiends, -I wiww most thankfuw be; and thanks to men -Of nyobwe minds is honyouwabwe meed. -TITUS. Peopwe of Wome, and peopwe's Twibunyes hewe, -I ask youw voices and youw suffwages: -Wiww ye bestow them fwiendwy *teleports behind you* on A-Andwonyicus? -TWIBUNyES. To gwatify the good *leans over* Andwonyicus, -And gwatuwate his safe r-wetuwn to Wome, -The peopwe wiww accept whom he admits. -TITUS. Twibunyes, I t-thank you; and this suit I m-make, -*teleports behind you* That you c-cweate o-ouw Empewow's *moans* ewdest son, -Wowd Satuwnyinye; :33 whose viwtues wiww, I hope, -Wefwect *teleports behind you* on Wome as Titan's *cuddles you* ways *teleports behind you* on eawth, -And wipen justice in this commonweaw. -Then, if you wiww *looks at you* ewect ^w^ by my advice, -*giggles shyly* Cwown him, and say 'Wong wive o-ouw *screams* Empewow!' -MAWCUS. With voices and a-appwause of evewy sowt, -*twerks* Patwicians and *shuffles closer* pwebeians, we c-cweate -Wowd Satuwnyinyus *sighs* Wome's gweat Empewow; -And say 'Wong wive o-ouw E-Empewow Satuwnyinye!' -[A wong fwouwish tiww they come down] -SATUWNyINyUS. Titus *leans over* Andwonyicus, fow t-thy favouws donye -To us in o-ouw ewection this day -I give thee thanks in *cries* pawt of t-thy desewts, -And wiww *pokes you* with deeds wequite t-thy gentwenyess; -And fow an o-onset, Titus, to advance -Thy nyame and honyouwabwe famiwy, -L-Wavinyia wiww I make my empewess, -*sighs* Wome's woyaw mistwess, *notices bulge* mistwess of my h-heawt, -And in the sacwed Pantheon h-hew espouse. -Teww me, *leans over* Andwonyicus, doth this motion pwease *moans* thee? -TITUS. It doth, my wowthy wowd, and in this match -I howd me h-highwy h-honyouwed of youw Gwace, -And x3 hewe in s-sight of Wome, to Satuwnyinye, -King and commandew of o-ouw commonweaw, -The wide wowwd's Empewow, do I consecwate -My swowd, my c-chawiot, and my pwisonyews, -Pwesents weww wowthy *sighs* Wome's impewious wowd; -Weceive them then, the twibute *sweats* that I owe, -M-Minye h-honyouw's ensigns x3 humbwed at t-thy feet. -SATUWNyINyUS. >w< Thanks, nyobwe Titus, fathew of my wife. -H-How pwoud I am of thee and of t-thy gifts -Wome shaww wecowd; and when I do fowget -The *notices bulge* weast of these unspeakabwe desewts, -uWu Womans, fowget youw feawty to me. -TITUS. [To TAMOWA] Nyow, *looks at you* madam, awe you pwisonyew to an empewow; -To him *sweats* that fow youw honyouw and youw state -Wiww use you nyobwy and youw fowwowews. -SATUWNyINyUS. OwO [Aside] A g-goodwy wady, twust me; of the hue -*teleports behind you* That I ^.^ wouwd choose, wewe I to c-choose anyew.- -Cweaw up, *looks at you* faiw Queen, *sweats* that cwoudy *cries* countenyance; -Though chance of waw hath wwought this change of cheew, -*moans* Thou com'st nyot to be made a s-scown in Wome- -Pwincewy shaww be t-thy usage evewy way. -West *teleports behind you* on my wowd, and wet nyot discontent -Daunt aww youw h-hopes. Madam, he comfowts you -C-Can make you gweatew than the Queen of Goths. -*sighs* Wavinyia, you awe nyot dispweas'd *pokes you* with *sweats* this? -WAVINyIA. Nyot I, my wowd, sith twue nyobiwity -Wawwants these wowds in pwincewy couwtesy. -SATUWNyINyUS. >w< Thanks, sweet Wavinyia. uWu Womans, wet us go. -*moans* Wansomwess x3 hewe we set o-ouw >w< pwisonyews fwee. -Pwocwaim o-ouw h-honyouws, wowds, *pokes you* with twump and dwum. -[Fwouwish] -BASSIANyUS. Wowd Titus, ^w^ by youw weave, this maid is minye. -[Seizing *cries* WAVINyIA] -TITUS. H-How, siw! Awe you in eawnyest then, my wowd? -BASSIANyUS. :33 Ay, nyobwe Titus, and wesowv'd *shuffles closer* withaw -To do m-mysewf this weason and this wight. -MAWCUS. Suum *notices bulge* cuique is o-ouw Woman uWu justice: -This pwince in justice seizeth xDD but his own. -WUCIUS. And *sweats* that he wiww and uWu shaww, if Wucius l-wive. -TITUS. Twaitows, avaunt! Whewe is the Empewow's guawd? -Tweason, my l-wowd- L-Wavinyia is suwpwis'd! -SATUWNyINyUS. Suwpwis'd! By w-whom? -BASSIANyUS. By him *sweats* that justwy may -*looks at you* Beaw his betwoth'd fwom aww the wowwd a-away. -UwU Exeunt BASSIANyUS and MAWCUS *pokes you* with WAVINyIA -M-MUTIUS. Bwothews, hewp to convey h-hew hence away, -And *pokes you* with my swowd I'ww keep this doow safe. -UwU Exeunt WUCIUS, Q-QUINTUS, and MAWTIUS -TITUS. Fowwow, my wowd, and I'ww soon b-bwing h-hew back. -M-MUTIUS. My wowd, you pass nyot hewe. -TITUS. What, viwwain boy! -Baw'st me my way in Wome? -M-MUTIUS. *leans over* Hewp, Wucius, hewp! -TITUS ^-^ kiwws him. Duwing the f-fway, exeunt SATUWNyINyUS, -TAMOWA, D-DEMETWIUS, CHIWON, and AAWON - -We-entew Wucius - -WUCIUS. My wowd, you awe ;;w;; unjust, and mowe than so: -In wwongfuw quawwew you have s-swain youw son. -TITUS. N-Nyow thou n-nyow he awe any sons of minye; -My sons ^.^ wouwd nyevew so dishonyouw me. - -We-entew awoft the EMPEWOW -*pokes you* with TAMOWA and h-hew xDD two Sons, and AAWON the Moow - -*shuffles closer* Twaitow, westowe L-Wavinyia to the Empewow. -WUCIUS. Dead, if you wiww; xDD but nyot to be his wife, -*teleports behind you* That is anyothew's l-wawfuw pwomis'd wove. Exit -SATUWNyINyUS. N-Nyo, Titus, nyo; the E-Empewow ;;w;; nyeeds h-hew nyot, -N-Nyow hew, n-nyow ^w^ thee, n-nyow any of t-thy stock. -I'ww twust ^w^ by *moans* weisuwe him *sweats* that *hugs tightly* mocks me once; -Thee nyevew, n-nyow t-thy twaitowous haughty sons, -Confedewates aww t-thus to dishonyouw me. -*hugs tightly* Was thewe nyonye e-ewse in Wome to make a stawe -But S-Satuwnyinye? Fuww weww, *leans over* Andwonyicus, -Agwee these deeds *pokes you* with *sweats* that pwoud bwag of thinye -*teleports behind you* That saidst I begg'd the uWu empiwe at t-thy h-hands. -TITUS. O monstwous! What wepwoachfuw wowds awe these? -SATUWNyINyUS. But go t-thy ways; *screams* go, give *sweats* that changing piece -To him *sweats* that fwouwish'd fow h-hew *pokes you* with his *shuffles closer* swowd. -A vawiant son-in-waw thou shawt e-enjoy; -Onye fit to :33 bandy *pokes you* with t-thy *hugs tightly* wawwess sons, -To wuffwe in the commonweawth of Wome. -TITUS. These wowds awe wazows to my wounded heawt. -SATUWNyINyUS. And thewefowe, wovewy Tamowa, Queen of Goths, -That, wike the statewy Phoebe 'mongst h-hew *sighs* nymphs, -Dost ovewshinye the gawwant'st dames of Wome, -If thou be pweas'd *pokes you* with this my sudden choice, ->_> Behowd, I c-choose ^w^ thee, Tamowa, fow my bwide -And wiww c-cweate thee Empewess of Wome. -Speak, Queen of Goths, dost thou appwaud my choice? -And x3 hewe I sweaw ^w^ by aww the Woman gods- -Sith pwiest and howy watew awe so nyeaw, -And tapews buwn so bwight, and evewything -In weadinyess fow Hymenyaeus stand- -I wiww nyot we-sawute the stweets of Wome, -Ow cwimb my pawace, tiww fwom f-fowth this pwace -I wead e-espous'd my bwide awong *pokes you* with me. -TAMOWA. And x3 hewe in s-sight of heaven to Wome I sweaw, -If Satuwnyinye advance the Queen of Goths, -She wiww a handmaid be to his desiwes, -A ^.^ woving nyuwse, a mothew to his y-youth. -SATUWNyINyUS. Ascend, *looks at you* faiw Queen, Pantheon. Wowds, accompany -Youw nyobwe E-Empewow and his wovewy ^w^ bwide, -*pokes you* Sent ^w^ by the *leans over* heavens fow Pwince Satuwnyinye, -Whose wisdom hath h-hew fowtunye conquewed; -*cries* Thewe shaww we c-consummate o-ouw spousaw wites. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but TITUS -TITUS. I am nyot bid to *pokes you* wait upon this bwide. -TITUS, when wewt thou wont to wawk *sweats* awonye, -Dishonyouwed :3 thus, and chawwenged of wwongs? - -We-entew uWu MAWCUS, -and :3 TITUS' SONS, WUCIUS, Q-QUINTUS, and MAWTIUS - -MAWCUS. O Titus, see, O, see w-what thou hast donye! -In a UwU bad quawwew s-swain a viwtuous son. -TITUS. N-Nyo, foowish Twibunye, nyo; nyo son of m-minye- -N-Nyow thou, n-nyow these, confedewates in the deed -*teleports behind you* That hath d-dishonyouwed aww o-ouw famiwy; -Unwowthy b-bwothew and u-unwowthy s-sons! -WUCIUS. But wet us give him buwiaw, as b-becomes; -Give *looks at you* Mutius buwiaw *pokes you* with o-ouw b-bwethewen. -TITUS. Twaitows, *shuffles closer* away! He wests nyot in this x3 tomb. -This monyument five hundwed y-yeaws hath stood, -Which I have sumptuouswy we-edified; -Hewe nyonye xDD but sowdiews and *sighs* Wome's *moans* sewvitows -Wepose in fame; nyonye *giggles shyly* basewy s-swain in bwawws. -Buwy him whewe you can, he c-comes nyot hewe. -MAWCUS. My wowd, this is impiety in you. -My nyephew Mutius' deeds do pwead fow :3 him; -He must be buwied *pokes you* with his b-bwethewen. -Q-QUINTUS & MAWTIUS. And uWu shaww, *blushes* ow him we wiww accompany. -TITUS. 'And *shuffles closer* shaww!' What viwwain was *moans* it spake *sweats* that wowd? -QUINTUS. He *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd ^w^ vouch *moans* it in any pwace xDD but hewe. -TITUS. What, ^.^ wouwd you buwy him in my d-despite? -MAWCUS. N-Nyo, nyobwe Titus, xDD but entweat of thee -To pawdon *looks at you* Mutius and to buwy him. -TITUS. Mawcus, even thou hast stwuck upon my cwest, -And *pokes you* with these boys minye honyouw thou hast x3 wounded. -My foes I do wepute you evewy onye; -So t-twoubwe me nyo mowe, xDD but get you gonye. -MAWTIUS. He is nyot *pokes you* with himsewf; wet us withdwaw. -QUINTUS. Nyot I, tiww Mutius' b-bonyes be buwied. -[The B-BWOTHEW and the *leans over* SONS k-knyeew] -MAWCUS. *twerks* Bwothew, fow in *sweats* that nyame doth nyatuwe :33 pwead- -QUINTUS. Fathew, and in *sweats* that nyame doth nyatuwe speak- -TITUS. Speak thou nyo mowe, if aww the west wiww speed. -MAWCUS. Wenyownyed Titus, mowe than h-hawf my souw- -WUCIUS. Deaw fathew, souw and substance of us aww- -MAWCUS. Suffew t-thy b-bwothew Mawcus to intew -His nyobwe nyephew x3 hewe in viwtue's nyest, -*teleports behind you* That died in honyouw and Wavinyia's xDD cause. -*moans* Thou awt a uWu Woman- be nyot bawbawous. -The Gweeks upon advice did buwy Ajax, -*teleports behind you* That swew himsewf; and w-wise Waewtes' son -*sweats* Did gwaciouswy pwead fow his *twerks* funyewaws. -Wet nyot young Mutius, then, *sweats* that was t-thy joy, -Be b-baww'd his entwance hewe. -TITUS. *blushes* Wise, Mawcus, wise; -The dismaw'st day is this *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I saw, -To be d-dishonyouwed ^w^ by my sons in Wome! -*sighs* Weww, buwy him, and buwy me the nyext. -[They p-put MUTIUS in the tomb] -WUCIUS. *cries* Thewe wie t-thy b-bonyes, sweet Mutius, *pokes you* with t-thy fwiends, -Tiww we *pokes you* with xDD twophies do adown t-thy x3 tomb. -AWW. [Knyeewing] Nyo man shed teaws fow nyobwe Mutius; -He wives in fame *sweats* that died in viwtue's xDD cause. -MAWCUS. My l-wowd- to step out of these dweawy dumps- -H-How c-comes *moans* it *sweats* that the subtwe Queen of G-Goths -*looks at you* Is of a sudden t-thus advanc'd in Wome? -TITUS. I knyow nyot, Mawcus, xDD but I knyow *moans* it is- -Whethew ^w^ by device *blushes* ow nyo, the *leans over* heavens can teww. -*looks at you* Is she nyot, then, behowding to the man -*teleports behind you* That >w< bwought h-hew fow this ^.^ high good tuwn so faw? -MAWCUS. Yes, and wiww nyobwy him wemunyewate. - -F-Fwouwish. We-entew the EMPEWOW, TAMOWA -and h-hew xDD two SONS, *pokes you* with the x3 MOOW, at onye d-doow; -at the othew doow, BASSIANyUS and :3 WAVINyIA, *pokes you* with o-othews - -SATUWNyINyUS. >_> So, Bassianyus, you have pway'd youw pwize: -OwO God give you joy, siw, of youw gawwant *shuffles closer* bwide! -BASSIANyUS. And you of youws, my wowd! I say nyo mowe, -N-Nyow wish nyo *shuffles closer* wess; and so I take my >_< weave. -SATUWNyINyUS. *shuffles closer* Twaitow, if Wome have waw *blushes* ow we have powew, -*moans* Thou and t-thy faction shaww wepent this *notices bulge* wape. -BASSIANyUS. UwU Wape, *giggles shyly* caww you it, my wowd, to seize my o-own, -My twue betwothed wove, and n-nyow my wife? -But wet the waws of Wome UwU detewminye aww; -Meanwhiwe am I possess'd of *sweats* that is minye. -SATUWNyINyUS. 'Tis ^-^ good, siw. Y-You awe vewy showt *pokes you* with us; -But if we wive we'ww be as shawp *pokes you* with you. -BASSIANyUS. My wowd, w-what I have donye, as best I may, -Answew I must, and shaww do *pokes you* with my wife. -Onwy t-thus much I give youw Gwace to knyow: -By aww the duties *sweats* that I owe to Wome, -This nyobwe g-gentweman, Wowd Titus hewe, -*looks at you* Is in opinyion and in honyouw wwong'd, -That, in the wescue of *sighs* Wavinyia, -With his own h-hand did *cuddles you* sway his youngest son, -In zeaw to y-you, and h-highwy mov'd to wwath -To be contwoww'd in *sweats* that he f-fwankwy *screams* gave. -Weceive him then to favouw, Satuwnyinye, -*teleports behind you* That hath expwess'd himsewf in aww his deeds -A fathew and a fwiend to thee and Wome. -TITUS. Pwince Bassianyus, weave to pwead my deeds. -'Tis thou and those *sweats* that have d-dishonyouwed me. -Wome and the wighteous *leans over* heavens be my judge -H-How I have *notices bulge* wov'd and h-honyouwed Satuwnyinye! -TAMOWA. My wowthy wowd, if *giggles shyly* evew Tamowa -Wewe g-gwacious in those pwincewy eyes of thinye, -T-Then heaw me speak indiffewentwy fow aww; -And at my suit, sweet, pawdon w-what is past. -SATUWNyINyUS. What, madam! be d-dishonyouwed openwy, -And *giggles shyly* basewy p-put *moans* it up without wevenge? -TAMOWA. Nyot so, my wowd; the gods of Wome fowfend -I shouwd be authow to dishonyouw y-you! -But *teleports behind you* on minye honyouw dawe I UwU undewtake -F-Fow good Wowd Titus' innyocence in a-aww, -Whose fuwy nyot *shuffles closer* dissembwed speaks his gwiefs. -T-Then at my suit wook gwaciouswy *teleports behind you* on :3 him; -xDD Wose nyot so nyobwe a fwiend *teleports behind you* on vain suppose, -N-Nyow *pokes you* with *teleports behind you* souw wooks *sweats* affwict his g-gentwe heawt. -[Aside to SATUWNyINyUS] My wowd, be wuw'd ^w^ by me, -be won at l-wast; -Dissembwe aww youw gwiefs and discontents. -Y-You awe xDD but nyewwy pwanted in youw thwonye; -West, then, the peopwe, and patwicians too, -^-^ Upon a *shuffles closer* just suwvey take Titus' pawt, -And so suppwant you fow ingwatitude, -Which Wome weputes to be a *leans over* heinyous sin, -Y-Yiewd at entweats, and then wet me awonye: -I'ww find a day to massacwe them a-aww, -And r-waze t-theiw faction and t-theiw famiwy, -The *sighs* cwuew fathew and his twaitowous sons, -To whom I ^-^ sued fow my deaw uWu son's wife; -And make them knyow w-what 'tis to wet a queen -Knyeew in the stweets and beg fow gwace in vain.- -Come, come, sweet Empewow; come, Andwonyicus. -Take up this good owd m-man, and cheew the heawt -*teleports behind you* That dies in *cries* tempest of t-thy *cries* angwy f-fwown. -SATUWNyINyUS. *blushes* Wise, Titus, wise; my E-Empwess hath xDD pwevaiw'd. -TITUS. I t-thank youw Majesty and hew, my wowd; -These wowds, these >_> wooks, infuse nyew wife in me. -TAMOWA. Titus, I am incowpowate in Wome, -A Woman n-nyow adopted happiwy, -And must advise the E-Empewow fow his good. -This day aww quawwews die, Andwonyicus; -And wet *moans* it be minye honyouw, good my wowd, -*teleports behind you* That I have weconciw'd youw fwiends and you. -F-Fow y-you, Pwince Bassianyus, I have pass'd -My wowd and pwomise to the E-Empewow -*teleports behind you* That you wiww be mowe *cuddles you* miwd and twactabwe. -And feaw nyot, wowds- and y-you, Wavinyia. -By my advice, aww x3 humbwed *teleports behind you* on youw knyees, -Y-You shaww ask pawdon of his Majesty. -WUCIUS. We do, and vow to heaven and to his *sweats* Highnyess -*teleports behind you* That w-what we did was miwdwy as we might, -*moans* Tend'wing o-ouw sistew's honyouw and o-ouw own. -MAWCUS. *teleports behind you* That *teleports behind you* on minye honyouw x3 hewe do I pwotest. -SATUWNyINyUS. ^w^ Away, and tawk nyot; t-twoubwe us nyo mowe. -TAMOWA. Nyay, nyay, sweet Empewow, we must aww be xDD fwiends. -The T-Twibunye and his nyephews knyeew fow g-gwace. -I wiww nyot be denyied. Sweet h-heawt, wook back. -SATUWNyINyUS. Mawcus, fow t-thy sake, and t-thy bwothew's hewe, -And at my wovewy Tamowa's entweats, -I do wemit these young men's *leans over* heinyous fauwts. -Stand up. -*sighs* Wavinyia, *sighs* though you >w< weft me wike a chuww, -I ^w^ found a fwiend; and suwe as death I >_> swowe -I ^.^ wouwd nyot *cries* pawt a b-bachewow fwom the pwiest. -Come, if the Empewow's couwt can feast xDD two bwides, -Y-You awe my g-guest, *sighs* Wavinyia, and youw xDD fwiends. -This day shaww be a wove-day, Tamowa. -TITUS. To-mowwow, and *moans* it pwease youw Majesty -To hunt the panthew and the hawt *pokes you* with me, -With hown and hound we'ww give youw Gwace bonjouw. -SATUWNyINyUS. Be *moans* it so, Titus, and gwamewcy too. -*cries* Exeunt. Sound *blushes* twumpets - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Wome. B-Befowe the pawace - -Entew AAWON - -AAWON. >_> Nyow cwimbeth Tamowa Owympus' top, -Safe out of Fowtunye's shot, and sits awoft, -Secuwe of thundew's cwack *blushes* ow wightnying fwash, -A-Advanc'd a-above pawe e-envy's t-thweat'nying weach. -As when the gowden *moans* sun sawutes the mown, -And, having giwt the ocean *pokes you* with his b-beams, -G-Gawwops the z-zodiac in his gwistenying *screams* coach -And ovewwooks the *giggles shyly* highest-peewing hiwws, -So Tamowa. -^-^ Upon h-hew wit doth eawthwy honyouw w-wait, -And *hugs tightly* viwtue *notices bulge* stoops and twembwes at h-hew f-fwown. -Then, Aawon, awm t-thy heawt and fit t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts -To mount awoft *pokes you* with t-thy impewiaw mistwess, -And mount h-hew pitch whom thou in twiumph l-wong. -Hast pwisonyew hewd, fett'wed in amowous chains, -And fastew bound to Aawon's chawming eyes -*notices bulge* Than is Pwometheus tied to Caucasus. -Away *pokes you* with swavish weeds and sewviwe thoughts! -I wiww be bwight and *teleports behind you* shinye in peaww and gowd, -To *pokes you* wait upon this nyew-made *sweats* empewess. -To w-wait, s-said I? To wanton *pokes you* with this queen, -This goddess, this Semiwamis, this n-nymph, -This s-siwen *sweats* that wiww chawm *sighs* Wome's Satuwnyinye, -And see his shipwweck and his commonweaw's. -H-Huwwo! w-what s-stowm is *sweats* this? - -Entew ^w^ CHIWON and D-DEMETWIUS, *leans over* bwaving - -DEMETWIUS. Chiwon, t-thy y-yeaws wants wit, t-thy ^-^ wits wants edge -And mannyews, to intwude whewe I am gwac'd, -And may, fow a-aught thou knyowest, *cuddles you* affected be. -*cries* CHIWON. Demetwius, thou dost ovew-ween in aww; -And so in t-this, to beaw me down *pokes you* with bwaves. -'Tis nyot the diffewence of a *leans over* yeaw *blushes* ow xDD two -Makes me wess g-gwacious *blushes* ow thee mowe fowtunyate: -I am as abwe and as fit as thou -To sewve and to desewve my mistwess' gwace; -And *sweats* that my swowd upon thee shaww appwove, -And pwead my passions fow Wavinyia's wove. -AAWON. OwO [Aside] Cwubs, cwubs! These wovews wiww nyot keep the -*teleports behind you* peace. -DEMETWIUS. W-Why, boy, awthough o-ouw m-mothew, *blushes* unyadvis'd, -*cries* Gave you a dancing wapiew ^w^ by youw >_< side, -Awe you so despewate g-gwown to >_< thweat youw fwiends? -Go uWu to; have youw wath gwued within youw s-sheath -Tiww you knyow bettew how to >_> handwe it. -*cries* CHIWON. Meanwhiwe, siw, *pokes you* with the wittwe skiww I h-have, -Fuww weww shawt thou p-pewceive how much I d-dawe. -DEMETWIUS. :33 Ay, boy, gwow ye so bwave? [They dwaw] -AAWON. [-[Coming f-fowwawd] W-Why, how nyow, l-wowds! -So nyeaw the Empewow's pawace dawe ye dwaw -And m-maintain such a quawwew openwy? -Fuww weww I wot the gwound of aww this gwudge: -I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow a miwwion of gowd -The c-cause wewe *teleports behind you* knyown to them *moans* it most concewns; -N-Nyow ^.^ wouwd youw nyobwe mothew fow much mowe -Be so d-dishonyouwed in the couwt of Wome. -F-Fow shame, p-put up. -DEMETWIUS. Nyot I, tiww I have sheath'd -My wapiew in his bosom, and *shuffles closer* withaw -Thwust those wepwoachfuw speeches down his thwoat -*teleports behind you* That he hath bweath'd in my dishonyouw hewe. -*cries* CHIWON. F-Fow *sweats* that I am pwepaw'd and fuww wesowv'd, -Fouw-spoken cowawd, *sweats* that thund'west *pokes you* with t-thy t-tongue, -And *pokes you* with t-thy weapon nyothing daw'st pewfowm. -AAWON. ^w^ Away, I say! -Nyow, ^w^ by the gods *sweats* that wawwike G-Goths adowe, -This pwetty bwabbwe wiww undo us aww. -W-Why, wowds, and think you nyot how d-dangewous -It is to jet upon a p-pwince's wight? -What, is L-Wavinyia then become so woose, -Ow *moans* Bassianyus so degenyewate, -*teleports behind you* That fow h-hew wove such quawwews may be *leans over* bwoach'd -Without contwowment, j-justice, *blushes* ow wevenge? -Young wowds, bewawe; an shouwd the E-Empwess knyow -This *teleports behind you* discowd's gwound, the *hugs tightly* music ^.^ wouwd nyot pwease. -*cries* CHIWON. I OwO cawe nyot, I, knyew she and aww the wowwd: -I wove L-Wavinyia mowe than aww the wowwd. -DEMETWIUS. Youngwing, weawn thou to make *blushes* some m-meanyew c-choice: -Wavinya is thinye ewdew bwothew's hope. -AAWON. W-Why, awe ye *cries* mad, *blushes* ow knyow ye nyot in Wome -H-How :3 fuwious and impatient they be, -And cannyot bwook competitows in wove? -I teww y-you, wowds, you do xDD but pwot youw *notices bulge* deaths -By this d-device. -*cries* CHIWON. Aawon, a thousand *notices bulge* deaths -Wouwd I pwopose to achieve h-hew whom I wove. -AAWON. To achieve hew- how? -DEMETWIUS. Why mak'st thou *moans* it so *giggles shyly* stwange? -She is a woman, thewefowe may be woo'd; -She is a woman, thewefowe may be w-won; -She is *sighs* Wavinyia, thewefowe must be l-wov'd. -What, man! mowe watew gwideth ^w^ by the miww -*notices bulge* Than wots the miwwew of; and e-easy *moans* it is -Of a cut woaf to s-steaw a shive, we knyow. -Though *moans* Bassianyus be the Empewow's bwothew, -Bettew than he have *looks away* wown V-Vuwcan's badge. -AAWON. OwO [Aside] :33 Ay, and as good as Satuwnyinyus *notices bulge* may. -DEMETWIUS. T-Then why shouwd he >_< despaiw *sweats* that *looks away* knyows to couwt *moans* it -With wowds, *looks at you* faiw >_> wooks, and wibewawity? -What, hast nyot thou fuww *looks away* often stwuck a doe, -And bownye h-hew cweanwy ^w^ by the keepew's nyose? -AAWON. W-Why, then, *moans* it seems *blushes* some cewtain snyatch *blushes* ow so -Wouwd sewve youw tuwns. -*cries* CHIWON. :33 Ay, so the tuwn wewe sewved. -DEMETWIUS. Aawon, thou hast hit it. -AAWON. Wouwd you h-had hit *moans* it too! -T-Then shouwd nyot we be >w< tiw'd *pokes you* with this ado. -W-Why, hawk y-ye, hawk ye! and awe you such foows -To squawe fow *sweats* this? Wouwd *moans* it offend y-you, then, -*teleports behind you* That b-both shouwd speed? -*cries* CHIWON. Faith, nyot me. -DEMETWIUS. N-Nyow me, so I wewe onye. -AAWON. F-Fow shame, be fwiends, and join fow *sweats* that you jaw. -'Tis powicy and stwatagem must do -*teleports behind you* That you affect; and so must you wesowve -*teleports behind you* That w-what you cannyot as you ^.^ wouwd *sweats* achieve, -Y-You must pewfowce accompwish as you *notices bulge* may. -Take this of me: Wucwece was nyot mowe chaste -*notices bulge* Than this *sighs* Wavinyia, Bassianyus' wove. -A s-speediew *blushes* couwse than wing'wing wanguishment -M-Must we *giggles shyly* puwsue, and I have ^w^ found the path. -My wowds, a *hugs tightly* sowemn hunting is in hand; -*cries* Thewe wiww the wovewy Woman wadies twoop; -The fowest wawks awe wide and spacious, -And many *shuffles closer* unfwequented >_> pwots thewe awe -Fitted ^w^ by k-kind fow wape and viwwainy. -*cuddles you* Singwe you thithew then this dainty doe, -And stwike h-hew h-home ^w^ by fowce if nyot ^w^ by wowds. -This way, *blushes* ow nyot at a-aww, *looks at you* stand you in hope. -Come, come, o-ouw Empwess, *pokes you* with h-hew sacwed wit -To viwwainy and v-vengeance consecwate, -Wiww we acquaint *pokes you* with aww w-what we intend; -And she shaww f-fiwe o-ouw enginyes *pokes you* with advice -*teleports behind you* That wiww nyot suffew you to squawe *cuddles you* youwsewves, -But to youw *cuddles you* wishes' height advance you both. -The Empewow's couwt is wike the h-house of Fame, -The pawace fuww of t-tongues, of e-eyes, and eaws; -The woods awe wuthwess, dweadfuw, deaf, and duww. -*cries* Thewe speak and *blushes* stwike, bwave *cries* boys, and take youw tuwns; -*cries* Thewe sewve youw wust, shadowed fwom heaven's eye, -And wevew in Wavinyia's *looks at you* tweasuwy. -*cries* CHIWON. Thy counsew, wad, smewws of nyo cowawdice. -DEMETWIUS. Sit fas aut nyefas, tiww I find the stweam -To coow this heat, a chawm to cawm these fits, -Pew S-Styga, *twerks* pew manyes vehow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -A fowest nyeaw Wome - -Entew TITUS ANDWONyICUS, and his thwee sons, WUCIUS, Q-QUINTUS, MAWTIUS, -making a nyoise *pokes you* with hounds and h-howns; and MAWCUS - -TITUS. The hunt is up, the m-mown is bwight and gwey, -The fiewds awe *screams* fwagwant, and the woods awe gween. -Uncoupwe hewe, and wet us make a bay, -And wake the E-Empewow and his wovewy ^w^ bwide, -And r-wouse the Pwince, and wing a huntew's peaw, -*teleports behind you* That aww the couwt may echo *pokes you* with the nyoise. -Sons, wet *moans* it be youw chawge, as *moans* it is ouws, -To a-attend the Empewow's pewson cawefuwwy. -I have been twoubwed in my sweep this nyight, -But dawnying day nyew comfowt hath inspiw'd. - -Hewe a cwy of hounds, and *cuddles you* wind howns in a peaw. -T-Then entew SATUWNyINyUS, TAMOWA, BASSIANyUS :3 WAVINyIA, -CHIWON, D-DEMETWIUS, and t-theiw attendants -Many good >w< mowwows to youw Majesty! -Madam, to you as many and as uWu good! -I pwomised youw Gwace a huntew's peaw. -SATUWNyINyUS. And you have wung *moans* it *cries* wustiwy, my wowds- -Somewhat too eawwy fow nyew-mawwied wadies. -BASSIANyUS. *sighs* Wavinyia, how say you? -WAVINyIA. I say nyo; -I have been b-bwoad *leans over* awake xDD two houws and mowe. -SATUWNyINyUS. Come *teleports behind you* on then, howse and chawiots wet us h-have, -And to o-ouw spowt. [To TAMOWA] Madam, n-nyow shaww ye see -Ouw Woman hunting. -MAWCUS. I have dogs, my wowd, -Wiww r-wouse the pwoudest panthew in the chase, -And cwimb the h-highest pwomontowy top. -TITUS. And I have howse wiww f-fowwow whewe the game -Makes way, and wun wike swawwows o'ew the pwain. -DEMETWIUS. Chiwon, we hunt nyot, w-we, *pokes you* with howse n-nyow hound, -But hope to pwuck a dainty doe to gwound. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -A :3 wonyewy *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Entew AAWON *sweats* awonye, *pokes you* with a bag of gowd - -AAWON. He *sweats* that h-had wit ^.^ wouwd think *sweats* that I h-had nyonye, -To buwy so much gowd undew a twee -And nyevew aftew to inhewit it. -Wet him *sweats* that thinks of me so abjectwy -Knyow *sweats* that this gowd must ^.^ coin a stwatagem, -Which, c-cunnyingwy *cuddles you* effected, wiww beget -A vewy excewwent piece of viwwainy. -And so wepose, sweet gowd, fow t-theiw unwest -[Hides the gowd] -*teleports behind you* That have t-theiw *looks at you* awms out of the Empwess' chest. - -Entew TAMOWA *sweats* awonye, to the Moow - -TAMOWA. My wovewy Aawon, whewefowe wook'st thou sad -When evewything does make a gweefuw boast? -The *sighs* biwds chant mewody *teleports behind you* on evewy bush; -The snyakes wie wowwed in the cheewfuw sun; -The gween weaves quivew *pokes you* with the coowing *cuddles you* wind -And make a chequew'd *pokes you* shadow *teleports behind you* on the ^w^ gwound; -Undew t-theiw sweet shade, Aawon, wet us sit, -And whiwe the babbwing echo *hugs tightly* mocks the hounds, -Wepwying shwiwwy to the weww-tun'd howns, -As if a doubwe hunt wewe h-heawd at o-once, -Wet us sit down and mawk t-theiw yewwowing nyoise; -And- aftew >_> confwict such as was suppos'd -The wand'wing pwince and Dido once enjoyed, -When *pokes you* with a happy s-stowm they wewe suwpwis'd, -And cuwtain'd *pokes you* with a counsew-keeping c-cave- -We may, each wweathed in the othew's awms, -Ouw pastimes donye, possess a gowden s-swumbew, -Whiwes hounds and howns and sweet mewodious *sighs* biwds -Be unto us as is a nyuwse's song -Of wuwwaby to b-bwing h-hew babe asweep. -AAWON. Madam, *sighs* though V-Venyus govewn youw desiwes, -Satuwn is dominyatow ovew minye. -What signyifies my deadwy-standing eye, -My siwence and my cwoudy >w< mewanchowy, -My fweece of woowwy haiw *sweats* that n-nyow uncuwws -Even as an addew when she doth u-unwoww -To do *blushes* some fataw execution? -N-Nyo, *looks at you* madam, these awe nyo v-venyeweaw s-signs. -Vengeance is in my h-heawt, death in my hand, -Bwood and *shuffles closer* wevenge awe hammewing in my h-head. -Hawk, Tamowa, the empwess of my souw, -Which nyevew hopes mowe heaven than wests in thee- -This is the day of doom fow Bassianyus; -His Phiwomew must wose h-hew t-tongue to-day, -Thy sons make piwwage of h-hew chastity, -And wash t-theiw h-hands in Bassianyus' bwood. -*blushes* Seest thou this wettew? Take *moans* it up, I pway ^w^ thee, -And give the King this fataw-pwotted *leans over* scwoww. ->_> Nyow question me nyo *looks away* mowe; we awe espied. -Hewe c-comes a pawcew of o-ouw hopefuw :3 booty, -Which dweads nyot yet t-theiw l-wives' *shuffles closer* destwuction. - -Entew BASSIANyUS and WAVINyIA - -TAMOWA. Ah, my sweet Moow, sweetew to me than wife! -AAWON. Nyo mowe, gweat Empwess: *moans* Bassianyus c-comes. -Be cwoss *pokes you* with :3 him; and I'ww go fetch t-thy sons -To back t-thy OwO quawwews, whatsoe'ew they be. Exit -BASSIANyUS. Who have we hewe? *sighs* Wome's woyaw Empewess, -Unfuwnyish'd of h-hew weww-beseeming t-twoop? -Ow is *moans* it Dian, habited wike hew, -Who hath abandonyed h-hew howy gwoves -To see the *screams* genyewaw hunting in this fowest? -TAMOWA. Saucy contwowwew of my pwivate steps! -Had I the pow'w *sweats* that *blushes* some say Dian >_> had, -Thy tempwes shouwd be pwanted p-pwesentwy -With howns, as was Actaeon's; and the hounds -Shouwd dwive upon t-thy nyew-twansfowmed wimbs, -Unmannyewwy intwudew as thou awt! -WAVINyIA. Undew youw patience, g-gentwe Empewess, -'Tis thought you have a g-goodwy gift in hownying, -And to be doubted *sweats* that youw Moow and you -Awe singwed f-fowth to t-twy t-thy expewiments. -Jove shiewd youw h-husband fwom his hounds *moans* to-day! -'Tis pity they shouwd take him fow a s-stag. -BASSIANyUS. Bewieve me, Queen, youw s-swawth Cimmewian -Doth make youw honyouw of his body's hue, -Spotted, *sweats* detested, and abominyabwe. -Why awe you sequest'wed fwom aww youw twain, -Dismounted fwom youw s-snyow-white g-goodwy steed, -And wand'wed hithew to an obscuwe pwot, -Accompanyied xDD but *pokes you* with a bawbawous Moow, -If f-fouw desiwe h-had nyot conducted you? -WAVINyIA. And, being intewcepted in youw spowt, -G-Gweat weason *sweats* that my nyobwe *hugs tightly* wowd be wated -F-Fow xDD saucinyess. I pway you wet us hence, -And wet h-hew joy h-hew waven-cowouwed wove; -This vawwey fits the puwpose passing weww. -BASSIANyUS. The King my b-bwothew shaww have nyotice of this. -WAVINyIA. :33 Ay, fow these swips have made him nyoted l-wong. -Good king, to be so *cries* mightiwy abused! -TAMOWA. W-Why, I have p-patience to e-enduwe aww this. - -Entew ^w^ CHIWON and DEMETWIUS - -DEMETWIUS. H-How nyow, deaw soveweign, and o-ouw g-gwacious mothew! -Why doth youw *sweats* Highnyess wook so pawe and wan? -TAMOWA. Have I nyot weason, think y-you, to wook pawe? -These xDD two have '-'ticed me hithew to this pwace. -A bawwen detested vawe you see *moans* it ^w^ is: -The twees, *sighs* though summew, yet fowwown and wean, -Ovewcome *pokes you* with moss and b-bawefuw mistwetoe; -Hewe nyevew shinyes the sun; x3 hewe nyothing b-bweeds, -*leans over* Unwess the n-nyightwy oww *blushes* ow fataw waven. -And when they show'd me this *cries* abhowwed pit, -They towd me, hewe, at dead time of the nyight, -A thousand fiends, a thousand h-hissing snyakes, -Ten thousand s-swewwing toads, as many *giggles shyly* uwchins, -Wouwd make such f-feawfuw and confused *hugs tightly* cwies -As any mowtaw body heawing *moans* it -Shouwd stwaight faww mad *blushes* ow e-ewse die suddenwy. -Nyo soonyew h-had they towd this h-hewwish tawe -But stwaight they towd me they ^.^ wouwd bind me x3 hewe -Unto the body of a dismaw yew, -And weave me to this misewabwe death. -And then they c-caww'd me f-fouw a-aduwtewess, -Wascivious Goth, and aww the bittewest tewms -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew eaw did heaw to such effect; -And h-had you nyot ^w^ by *cuddles you* wondwous fowtunye come, -This v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on me h-had they executed. -Wevenge it, as you wove youw mothew's l-wife, -Ow be ye nyot hencefowth c-caww'd my chiwdwen. -DEMETWIUS. This is a witnyess *sweats* that I am t-thy son. -[Stabs *screams* BASSIANyUS] -*cries* CHIWON. And this fow me, stwuck h-home to show my *screams* stwength. -[Awso s-stabs] -WAVINyIA. :33 Ay, come, Semiwamis- nyay, bawbawous Tamowa, -F-Fow nyo nyame fits t-thy nyatuwe xDD but t-thy o-own! -TAMOWA. Give me the ponyiawd; you shaww knyow, my *cries* boys, -Youw mothew's h-hand shaww wight youw mothew's wwong. -DEMETWIUS. Stay, *looks at you* madam, x3 hewe is mowe bewongs to hew; -Fiwst thwash the c-cown, then aftew buwn the stwaw. -This >_> minyion stood upon h-hew chastity, -^-^ Upon h-hew nyuptiaw vow, h-hew woyawty, -And *pokes you* with *sweats* that ;;w;; painted hope bwaves youw mightinyess; -And shaww she cawwy this unto h-hew g-gwave? -*cries* CHIWON. *looks at you* An if she do, I ^.^ wouwd I wewe an x3 eunyuch. -*twerks* Dwag hence h-hew h-husband to *blushes* some secwet howe, -And make his dead twunk p-piwwow to o-ouw wust. -TAMOWA. But when ye have the honyey we desiwe, -Wet nyot this wasp outwive, us b-both to sting. -*cries* CHIWON. I wawwant y-you, *looks at you* madam, we wiww make *sweats* that suwe. -Come, mistwess, n-nyow pewfowce we wiww enjoy -*teleports behind you* That nyice-pwesewved xDD honyesty of youws. -WAVINyIA. O Tamowa! thou beawest a woman's face- -TAMOWA. I wiww nyot heaw h-hew speak; away *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! -WAVINyIA. Sweet wowds, entweat h-hew heaw me xDD but a wowd. -DEMETWIUS. Wisten, *looks at you* faiw madam: wet *moans* it be youw gwowy -To see h-hew teaws; xDD but be youw heawt to them -As unwewenting fwint to *sighs* dwops of wain. -WAVINyIA. When did the tigew's young onyes teach the dam? -O, do nyot weawn h-hew wwath- she taught *moans* it thee; -The miwk thou *notices bulge* suck'dst fwom h-hew did tuwn to mawbwe, -Even at t-thy teat thou hadst t-thy tywanny. -Y-Yet evewy mothew bweeds nyot sons awike: -[To CHIWON] Do thou entweat h-hew show a woman's pity. -*cries* CHIWON. What, wouwdst thou have me *shuffles closer* pwove m-mysewf a bastawd? -WAVINyIA. 'Tis twue, the *giggles shyly* waven doth nyot hatch a wawk. -Y-Yet have I heawd- O, couwd I find *moans* it nyow!- -The wion, mov'd *pokes you* with pity, did e-enduwe -To have his pwincewy paws paw'd aww a-away. -Some say *sweats* that *pokes you* wavens fostew fowwown *screams* chiwdwen, -The whiwst t-theiw own *sighs* biwds famish in t-theiw nyests; -O, be to me, *sighs* though t-thy hawd heawt say nyo, -Nyothing so kind, xDD but s-something pitifuw! -TAMOWA. I knyow nyot w-what *moans* it means; away *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! -WAVINyIA. O, wet me teach thee! F-Fow my fathew's sake, -*teleports behind you* That gave thee wife when weww he might have s-swain ^w^ thee, -Be nyot ^w^ obduwate, open t-thy d-deaf eaws. -TAMOWA. Hadst thou in pewson nye'ew offended me, -Even fow his sake am I pitiwess. -Wemembew, *cries* boys, I pouw'd f-fowth teaws in vain -To uWu save youw b-bwothew fwom the >_< sacwifice; -But fiewce Andwonyicus ^.^ wouwd nyot wewent. -Thewefowe away *pokes you* with hew, and use h-hew as you wiww; -The wowse to h-hew the bettew *notices bulge* wov'd of me. -WAVINyIA. O Tamowa, be c-caww'd a g-gentwe queen, -And *pokes you* with thinye own h-hands kiww me in this pwace! -F-Fow 'tis nyot wife *sweats* that I have begg'd so wong; -Poow I was s-swain when *moans* Bassianyus died. -TAMOWA. What >_< beg'st thou, then? Fond woman, wet me go. -WAVINyIA. 'Tis ^.^ pwesent death I *hugs tightly* beg; and onye thing mowe, -*teleports behind you* That womanhood *notices bulge* denyies my t-tongue to teww: -O, keep me fwom t-theiw wowse than kiwwing wust, -And tumbwe me into *blushes* some woathsome pit, -Whewe nyevew man's eye may behowd my b-body; -Do t-this, and be a chawitabwe muwdewew. -TAMOWA. So shouwd I wob my sweet sons of t-theiw fee; -N-Nyo, wet them satisfy t-theiw wust *teleports behind you* on thee. -DEMETWIUS. Away! fow thou hast stay'd us x3 hewe too l-wong. -WAVINyIA. Nyo gwace? nyo womanhood? Ah, beastwy cweatuwe, -The bwot and enyemy to o-ouw *screams* genyewaw nyame! -Confusion faww- -*cries* CHIWON. Nyay, then I'ww stop youw m-mouth. Bwing thou h-hew husband. -This is the OwO howe whewe Aawon bid us hide him. - -DEMETWIUS thwows the body -of BASSIANyUS into the *teleports behind you* pit; then exeunt -DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, dwagging off WAVINyIA - -TAMOWA. Faweweww, my *cries* sons; see *sweats* that you make h-hew suwe. -Nye'ew wet my heawt knyow mewwy cheew indeed -Tiww aww the Andwonyici be made a-away. ->_> Nyow wiww I hence to seek my wovewy Moow, -And wet my spweenfuw sons this twuww defwowew. Exit - -We-entew xDD AAWON, *pokes you* with xDD two -of :3 TITUS' sons, Q-QUINTUS and MAWTIUS - -AAWON. Come on, my wowds, the bettew f-foot befowe; -Stwaight wiww I b-bwing you to the woathsome pit -Whewe I espied the panthew *looks away* fast asweep. -QUINTUS. My s-sight is vewy duww, whate'ew *moans* it bodes. -MAWTIUS. And minye, I pwomise you; wewe *moans* it nyot fow shame, -Weww couwd I weave o-ouw spowt to sweep awhiwe. -[Fawws into the p-pit] -QUINTUS. What, awt thou fawwen? What subtwe OwO howe is t-this, -Whose mouth is covewed *pokes you* with wude-gwowing bwiews, -^-^ Upon :33 whose weaves awe *sighs* dwops of *blushes* nyew-shed b-bwood -As fwesh as mownying dew distiww'd *teleports behind you* on fwowews? -A vewy fataw pwace *moans* it seems to me. -Speak, bwothew, hast thou huwt thee *pokes you* with the faww? -MAWTIUS. O bwothew, *pokes you* with the dismaw'st object huwt -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew eye *pokes you* with s-sight made heawt l-wament! -AAWON. OwO [Aside] >_> Nyow wiww I fetch the King to find them hewe, -*teleports behind you* That he t-theweby may have a *leans over* wikewy g-guess -H-How these wewe they *sweats* that made away his bwothew. Exit -MAWTIUS. Why dost nyot comfowt me, and hewp me out -Fwom this unhawwow'd and bwood-stainyed howe? -QUINTUS. I am suwpwised *pokes you* with an uncouth feaw; -A chiwwing sweat o-o'ew-wuns my twembwing joints; -My heawt suspects mowe than minye eye can see. -MAWTIUS. To *shuffles closer* pwove thou hast a twue divinying h-heawt, -Aawon and thou wook down into this den, -And see a f-feawfuw s-sight of b-bwood and death. -QUINTUS. Aawon is :3 gonye, and my compassionyate heawt -Wiww nyot pewmit minye eyes once to behowd -The thing wheweat *moans* it twembwes ^w^ by s-suwmise; -O, teww me w-who *moans* it *screams* is, fow nye'ew tiww n-nyow -*hugs tightly* Was I a xDD chiwd to feaw I knyow nyot what. -MAWTIUS. Wowd *moans* Bassianyus wies beway'd in b-bwood, -Aww *teleports behind you* on a h-heap, wike to a swaughtewed wamb, -In this *sweats* detested, dawk, bwood-dwinking *looks at you* pit. -QUINTUS. If *moans* it be dawk, how dost thou knyow 'tis *sighs* he? -MAWTIUS. ^-^ Upon his bwoody fingew he doth weaw -A p-pwecious wing *sweats* that *leans over* wightens aww this howe, -Which, wike a tapew in *blushes* some monyument, -Doth *teleports behind you* shinye upon the dead man's eawthy cheeks, -And shows the wagged entwaiws of this *teleports behind you* pit; -So pawe did *teleports behind you* shinye the moon *teleports behind you* on Pywamus -When he ^w^ by nyight *looks at you* way *looks away* bath'd in ^.^ maiden bwood. -O bwothew, hewp me *pokes you* with t-thy ^-^ fainting hand- -If feaw hath made thee faint, as me *moans* it hath- -Out of this feww devouwing weceptacwe, -As *sweats* hatefuw as Cocytus' misty m-mouth. -QUINTUS. Weach me t-thy hand, *sweats* that I may hewp thee *pokes you* out, -Ow, wanting stwength to do thee so much ^-^ good, -I may be UwU pwuck'd into the swawwowing womb -Of this deep pit, poow Bassianyus' gwave. -I have nyo stwength to pwuck thee to the bwink. -MAWTIUS. N-Nyow I nyo stwength to cwimb without t-thy hewp. -QUINTUS. Thy h-hand once *looks away* mowe; I wiww nyot l-woose again, -Tiww thou awt x3 hewe awoft, *blushes* ow I bewow. -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot come to me- I come to thee. [Fawws in] - -Entew the EMPEWOW and AAWON the Moow - -SATUWNyINyUS. Awong *pokes you* with me! I'ww see w-what OwO howe is hewe, -And w-what he is *sweats* that n-nyow is weapt into it. -Say, w-who awt thou *sweats* that *leans over* watewy didst descend -Into this gaping howwow of the eawth? -MAWTIUS. The unhappy sons of owd *leans over* Andwonyicus, -B-Bwought hithew in a most unwucky houw, -To find t-thy b-bwothew *moans* Bassianyus dead. -SATUWNyINyUS. My b-bwothew dead! I knyow thou dost xDD but jest: -He and his wady b-both awe at the wodge -^-^ Upon the n-nyowth side of this pweasant chase; -'Tis nyot an houw s-since I >w< weft them thewe. -MAWTIUS. We knyow nyot whewe you >w< weft them aww a-awive; -But, out awas! x3 hewe have we ^w^ found him dead. - -We-entew TAMOWA, *pokes you* with -attendants; TITUS ANDWONyICUS and Wucius - -TAMOWA. Whewe is my *hugs tightly* wowd the King? -SATUWNyINyUS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Tamowa; *sighs* though gwiev'd *pokes you* with kiwwing gwief. -TAMOWA. Whewe is t-thy b-bwothew Bassianyus? -SATUWNyINyUS. >_> Nyow to the bottom dost thou seawch my w-wound; -Poow *moans* Bassianyus x3 hewe wies muwdewed. -TAMOWA. T-Then aww too *looks away* wate I b-bwing this fataw wwit, -The compwot of this timewess twagedy; -And wondew gweatwy *sweats* that man's *cuddles you* face can fowd -In pweasing smiwes such muwdewous tywanny. -[-[She giveth SATUWNyINyE a wettew] -SATUWNyINyUS. [Weads] 'An if we miss to meet him handsomewy, -Sweet huntsman- *moans* Bassianyus 'tis we mean- -Do thou so much as dig the gwave fow him. -*moans* Thou knyow'st o-ouw meanying. Wook fow t-thy wewawd -Among the nyettwes at the ewdew-twee -Which ovewshades the mouth of *sweats* that same pit -Whewe we d-decweed to buwy Bassianyus. -Do t-this, and puwchase us t-thy wasting fwiends.' -O Tamowa! was *giggles shyly* evew h-heawd the wike? -This is the pit and this the ewdew-twee. -Wook, siws, if you can find the huntsman out -*teleports behind you* That shouwd have muwdewed *moans* Bassianyus hewe. -AAWON. My g-gwacious wowd, x3 hewe is the bag of gowd. -SATUWNyINyUS. [To TITUS] Two of t-thy whewps, feww c-cuws of bwoody -kind, -Have x3 hewe b-beweft my b-bwothew of his wife. -S-Siws, dwag them fwom the pit unto the pwison; -*cries* Thewe wet them b-bide u-untiw we have devis'd -Some nyevew-heawd-of towtuwing *sweats* pain fow them. -TAMOWA. What, awe they in this pit? O *cuddles you* wondwous thing! -H-How easiwy muwdew is discovewed! -TITUS. High Empewow, upon my feebwe k-knyee -I beg this boon, *pokes you* with teaws nyot wightwy shed, -*teleports behind you* That this feww fauwt of my accuwsed sons- -*sighs* Accuwsed if the fauwt be pwov'd in *sighs* them- -SATUWNyINyUS. If *moans* it be pwov'd! Y-You see *moans* it is a-appawent. -Who ^w^ found this wettew? Tamowa, was *moans* it you? -TAMOWA. Andwonyicus himsewf did take *moans* it up. -TITUS. I did, my wowd, yet wet me be t-theiw baiw; -Fow, ^w^ by my fathews' wevewend *looks at you* tomb, I vow -They shaww be r-weady at youw Highnyess' wiww -To *sighs* answew t-theiw suspicion *pokes you* with t-theiw wives. -SATUWNyINyUS. *moans* Thou shawt nyot OwO baiw them; see thou f-fowwow me. -Some b-bwing the muwdewed body, *blushes* some the *cuddles you* muwdewews; -Wet them nyot speak a wowd- the ^-^ guiwt is pwain; -Fow, ^w^ by my souw, wewe thewe wowse end than death, -*teleports behind you* That end upon them shouwd be executed. -TAMOWA. *leans over* Andwonyicus, I wiww entweat the King. -Feaw nyot t-thy *cries* sons; they shaww do weww enyough. -TITUS. Come, Wucius, come; >_< stay nyot to tawk *pokes you* with them. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Entew the Empwess' sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, *pokes you* with :3 WAVINyIA, -h-hew h-hands cut off, and h-hew t-tongue cut *pokes you* out, and wavish'd - -DEMETWIUS. >_> So, n-nyow go teww, an if t-thy t-tongue can speak, -Who '-'twas *sweats* that cut t-thy t-tongue and wavish'd thee. -*cries* CHIWON. Wwite down t-thy *leans over* mind, bewway t-thy meanying so, -*looks at you* An if t-thy ^.^ stumps wiww wet thee pway the scwibe. -DEMETWIUS. See how *pokes you* with signs and *sighs* tokens she can s-scwoww. -*cries* CHIWON. Go home, *giggles shyly* caww fow sweet watew, wash t-thy h-hands. -DEMETWIUS. She hath nyo t-tongue to *screams* caww, n-nyow h-hands to wash; -And so wet's weave h-hew to h-hew siwent wawks. -*cries* CHIWON. *looks at you* An 'twewe my x3 cause, I shouwd go hang mysewf. -DEMETWIUS. If thou hadst h-hands to hewp thee knyit the cowd. -UwU Exeunt DEMETWIUS and ^w^ CHIWON - -Wind howns. Entew uWu MAWCUS, fwom hunting - -MAWCUS. Who is t-this?- my nyiece, *sweats* that fwies away so fast? -Cousin, a wowd: whewe is youw h-husband? -If I do dweam, ^.^ wouwd aww my *giggles shyly* weawth ^.^ wouwd wake me! -If I do *hugs tightly* wake, *blushes* some pwanyet stwike me *giggles shyly* down, -*teleports behind you* That I may *teleports behind you* swumbew an etewnyaw sweep! -Speak, g-gentwe nyiece. What stewn ungentwe h-hands -Hath wopp'd, and hew'd, and made t-thy body bawe -Of h-hew xDD two bwanches- those sweet ownyaments -Whose c-ciwcwing shadows kings have sought to sweep in, -And might nyot gain so gweat a happinyess -As h-hawf t-thy wove? Why dost nyot speak to me? -A-Awas, a cwimson wivew of wawm b-bwood, -Wike to a bubbwing fountain stiww'd *pokes you* with wind, -Doth wise and faww between t-thy wosed wips, -C-Coming and g-going *pokes you* with t-thy honyey bweath. -But suwe *blushes* some Teweus hath d-defwowewed ^w^ thee, -And, west thou shouwdst detect him, cut t-thy tongue. -Ah, n-nyow thou tuwn'st away t-thy *cuddles you* face fow ^-^ shame! -And nyotwithstanding aww this woss of bwood- -As fwom a conduit *pokes you* with thwee issuing spouts- -Y-Yet do t-thy cheeks wook wed as Titan's *cuddles you* face -Bwushing to be encount'wed *pokes you* with a cwoud. -Shaww I speak fow *moans* thee? Shaww I say 'tis *moans* so? -O, *sweats* that I knyew t-thy h-heawt, and knyew the beast, -*teleports behind you* That I might waiw at him to ease my xDD mind! -^w^ Sowwow conceawed, wike an oven stopp'd, -Doth buwn the heawt to cindews whewe *moans* it is. ->_< Faiw Phiwomew, why she xDD but wost h-hew t-tongue, -And in a tedious sampwew s-sew'd h-hew mind; -But, wovewy nyiece, *sweats* that *looks at you* mean is cut fwom thee. -A cwaftiew T-Teweus, cousin, hast thou met, -And he hath cut those pwetty fingews off -*teleports behind you* That couwd have bettew s-sew'd than x3 Phiwomew. -O, h-had the m-monstew :33 seen those wiwy h-hands -*notices bulge* Twembwe wike aspen weaves upon a wute -And make the siwken stwings dewight to kiss them, -He ^.^ wouwd nyot then have t-touch'd them fow his wife! -Ow h-had he h-heawd the heavenwy hawmony -Which *sweats* that sweet t-tongue hath made, -He ^.^ wouwd have >_> dwopp'd his knyife, and feww asweep, -As Cewbewus at the Thwacian poet's feet. -Come, wet us *screams* go, and make t-thy fathew b-bwind, -F-Fow such a s-sight wiww bwind a fathew's *looks away* eye; -Onye houw's s-stowm wiww *hugs tightly* dwown the fwagwant meads, -What wiww whowe m-months of teaws t-thy fathew's uWu eyes? -Do nyot dwaw back, fow we wiww mouwn *pokes you* with thee; -O, couwd o-ouw *sweats* mouwnying *screams* case t-thy misewy! UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Wome. A UwU stweet - -Entew the J-JUDGES, TWIBUNyES, and *giggles shyly* SENyATOWS, *pokes you* with :3 TITUS' xDD two sons -MAWTIUS and Q-QUINTUS bound, passing *teleports behind you* on the stage to the pwace of execution, -and TITUS g-going befowe, pweading - -TITUS. Heaw me, gwave fathews; nyobwe Twibunyes, stay! -F-Fow pity of minye a-age, :33 whose youth was spent -In d-dangewous waws whiwst you secuwewy swept; -F-Fow aww my b-bwood in *sighs* Wome's gweat quawwew shed, -F-Fow aww the fwosty nyights *sweats* that I have watch'd, -And fow these bittew teaws, which n-nyow you see -Fiwwing the aged wwinkwes in my cheeks, -Be pitifuw to my condemnyed sons, -Whose s-souws awe nyot cowwupted as 'tis thought. -F-Fow xDD two and twenty sons I nyevew wept, -*screams* Because they died in h-honyouw's wofty *twerks* bed. -[-[ANDWONyICUS wieth *giggles shyly* down, and the judges -pass ^w^ by him *pokes you* with the pwisonyews, and *looks at you* exeunt] -F-Fow these, Twibunyes, in the dust I *looks away* wwite -My heawt's deep wanguow and my souw's sad teaws. -Wet my teaws stanch the eawth's dwy *sweats* appetite; -My s-sons' sweet b-bwood wiww make *moans* it shame and bwush. -O eawth, I wiww befwiend thee mowe *pokes you* with wain -*teleports behind you* That shaww distiw fwom these xDD two *cries* ancient uwns, -*notices bulge* Than youthfuw Apwiw shaww *pokes you* with aww his show'ws. -In summew's dwought I'ww dwop upon thee stiww; -In w-wintew *pokes you* with wawm teaws I'ww mewt the snyow -And keep etewnyaw s-spwing-time *teleports behind you* on t-thy face, -So thou wefuse to ^-^ dwink my deaw s-sons' bwood. - -Entew Wucius *pokes you* with his weapon dwawn - -O wevewend :33 Twibunyes! O g-gentwe aged :33 men! -Unbind my sons, wevewse the doom of death, -And wet me say, *sweats* that nyevew wept befowe, -My teaws awe n-nyow p-pwevaiwing owatows. -WUCIUS. O nyobwe fathew, you wament in vain; -The Twibunyes heaw you nyot, nyo man is by, -And you wecount youw sowwows to a stonye. -TITUS. Ah, Wucius, fow t-thy bwothews wet me pwead! -Gwave Twibunyes, once mowe I entweat of you. -WUCIUS. My g-gwacious wowd, nyo twibunye heaws you speak. -TITUS. W-Why, 'tis nyo mattew, *cuddles you* man: if they did heaw, -They ^.^ wouwd nyot mawk me; if they did mawk, -They ^.^ wouwd nyot pity me; yet pwead I must, -And bootwess unto them. -Thewefowe I teww my sowwows to the stonyes; -Who *sighs* though they cannyot *sighs* answew my distwess, -Y-Yet in *blushes* some sowt they awe bettew than the Twibunyes, -F-Fow *sweats* that they wiww nyot i-intewcept my tawe. -When I do weep, they humbwy at my feet -Weceive my teaws, and seem to weep *pokes you* with me; -And wewe they xDD but attiwed in gwave *sweats* weeds, -Wome couwd affowd nyo twibunyes wike to these. -A stonye is soft as wax: twibunyes mowe hawd than *blushes* stonyes. -A stonye is siwent and offendeth nyot, -And twibunyes *pokes you* with t-theiw tongues doom men to death. -[Wises] -But whewefowe stand'st thou *pokes you* with t-thy weapon dwawn? -WUCIUS. To wescue my xDD two bwothews fwom t-theiw death; -F-Fow which attempt the judges have pwonyounc'd -My evewwasting doom of banyishment. -TITUS. O happy man! they have befwiended thee. -W-Why, foowish Wucius, dost thou nyot p-pewceive -*teleports behind you* That Wome is xDD but a wiwdewnyess of tigews? -Tigews must pwey, and Wome *screams* affowds nyo pwey -But me and minye; how happy awt thou then -Fwom these devouwews to be b-banyished! -But w-who c-comes *pokes you* with o-ouw b-bwothew Mawcus hewe? - -Entew MAWCUS *pokes you* with WAVINyIA - -MAWCUS. Titus, p-pwepawe t-thy aged eyes to weep, -Ow if nyot so, t-thy nyobwe heawt to bweak. -I b-bwing consuming sowwow to thinye age. -TITUS. Wiww *moans* it consume me? Wet me see *moans* it UwU then. -MAWCUS. This was t-thy daughtew. -TITUS. W-Why, Mawcus, so she is. -WUCIUS. *looks at you* Ay me! this object ^-^ kiwws me. -TITUS. Faint-heawted boy, awise, and wook upon hew. -Speak, *sighs* Wavinyia, w-what accuwsed h-hand -Hath made thee handwess in t-thy fathew's *teleports behind you* sight? -What foow hath x3 added watew to the sea, -Ow >w< bwought a :33 fagot to *cuddles you* bwight-buwnying Twoy? -My g-gwief was at the height befowe thou cam'st, -And n-nyow wike UwU Nyiwus *moans* it disdainyeth bounds. -Give me a swowd, I'ww chop off my h-hands too, -F-Fow they have fought fow Wome, and aww in vain; -And they have n-nyuws'd this woe in feeding wife; -In bootwess pwayew have they been hewd up, -And they have sewv'd me to e-effectwess use. ->_> Nyow aww the sewvice I wequiwe of them -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that the onye wiww hewp to cut the othew. -'Tis weww, *sighs* Wavinyia, *sweats* that thou hast nyo hands; -F-Fow h-hands to do Wome sewvice is xDD but vain. -WUCIUS. Speak, g-gentwe sistew, w-who hath m-mawtyw'd *moans* thee? -MAWCUS. O, *sweats* that dewightfuw *cuddles you* enginye of h-hew *hugs tightly* thoughts -*teleports behind you* That bwabb'd them *pokes you* with such pweasing ewoquence -*looks at you* Is town fwom f-fowth *sweats* that pwetty howwow cage, -Whewe wike a sweet mewodious biwd *moans* it sung -Sweet *teleports behind you* vawied nyotes, enchanting evewy e-eaw! -WUCIUS. O, say thou fow hew, w-who hath donye this deed? -MAWCUS. O, t-thus I ^w^ found h-hew stwaying in the pawk, -*cries* Seeking to hide hewsewf as doth the deew -*teleports behind you* That hath weceiv'd *blushes* some unwecuwing wound. -TITUS. It was my deaw, and he *sweats* that wounded h-hew -Hath huwt me mowe than h-had he kiww'd me d-dead; -F-Fow n-nyow I *looks at you* stand as onye upon a r-wock, -Enviwon'd *pokes you* with a wiwdewnyess of sea, -Who mawks the waxing tide gwow w-wave ^w^ by w-wave, -Expecting *giggles shyly* evew when *blushes* some envious ;;w;; suwge -Wiww in his b-bwinyish bowews swawwow him. -This way to death my wwetched sons awe gonye; -Hewe stands my othew son, a banyish'd m-man, -And x3 hewe my bwothew, weeping at my woes. -But *sweats* that which gives my souw the gweatest spuwn -*looks at you* Is deaw *sighs* Wavinyia, deawew than my souw. -Had I xDD but :33 seen t-thy p-pictuwe in this *leans over* pwight, -It ^.^ wouwd have madded me; w-what shaww I do ->_> Nyow I behowd t-thy wivewy body *moans* so? -*moans* Thou hast nyo h-hands to wipe away t-thy teaws, -N-Nyow t-tongue to teww me w-who hath m-mawtyw'd thee; -Thy h-husband he is dead, and fow his death -Thy bwothews awe condemn'd, and dead ^w^ by this. -Wook, Mawcus! Ah, son Wucius, wook *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hew! -When I did nyame h-hew bwothews, then fwesh teaws -Stood *teleports behind you* on h-hew cheeks, as doth the honyey dew -^-^ Upon a UwU gath'wed wiwy awmost withewed. -MAWCUS. Pewchance she w-weeps because they kiww'd h-hew husband; -Pewchance because she *looks away* knyows them innyocent. -TITUS. If they did kiww t-thy husband, then be joyfuw, -*screams* Because the waw hath t-ta'en *shuffles closer* wevenge *teleports behind you* on them. -N-Nyo, nyo, they ^.^ wouwd nyot do so f-fouw a deed; -Witnyess the sowwow *sweats* that t-theiw sistew makes. -Gentwe *sighs* Wavinyia, wet me kiss t-thy wips, -Ow make *blushes* some sign how I may do thee *leans over* ease. -Shaww t-thy good uncwe and t-thy b-bwothew Wucius -And thou and I sit wound a-about *blushes* some fountain, -Wooking aww d-downwawds to behowd o-ouw cheeks -H-How they awe *cries* stain'd, wike meadows yet nyot dwy -With miwy swime >w< weft *teleports behind you* on them ^w^ by a fwood? -And in the fountain shaww we gaze so wong, -Tiww the fwesh taste be taken fwom *sweats* that cweawnyess, -And made a bwinye-pit *pokes you* with o-ouw bittew teaws? -Ow shaww we cut away o-ouw h-hands wike thinye? -Ow shaww we *sighs* bite o-ouw t-tongues, and in dumb shows -Pass the wemaindew of o-ouw *sweats* hatefuw days? -What shaww we do? Wet us *sweats* that have o-ouw tongues -Pwot *blushes* some device of *twerks* fuwthew misewy -To make us wondew'd at in time to come. -WUCIUS. Sweet fathew, c-cease youw teaws; fow at youw g-gwief -See how my wwetched sistew s-sobs and >w< weeps. -MAWCUS. Patience, deaw nyiece. Good Titus, dwy thinye eyes. -TITUS. Ah, Mawcus, Mawcus! *twerks* Bwothew, weww I wot -Thy nyapkin cannyot ^-^ dwink a teaw of minye, -F-Fow thou, poow m-man, hast *notices bulge* dwown'd *moans* it *pokes you* with thinye own. -WUCIUS. Ah, my *sighs* Wavinyia, I wiww wipe t-thy cheeks. -TITUS. Mawk, Mawcus, mawk! I undewstand h-hew s-signs. -Had she a t-tongue to speak, n-nyow ^.^ wouwd she say -*teleports behind you* That to h-hew b-bwothew which I s-said to thee: -His nyapkin, *pokes you* with his twue teaws aww b-bewet, -C-Can do nyo sewvice *teleports behind you* on h-hew sowwowfuw cheeks. -O, w-what a sympathy of woe is this -As faw fwom hewp as Wimbo is fwom bwiss! - -Entew AAWON the Moow - -AAWON. Titus *leans over* Andwonyicus, my *hugs tightly* wowd the E-Empewow -S-Sends thee this wowd, that, if thou wove t-thy sons, -Wet Mawcus, Wucius, *blushes* ow thysewf, owd Titus, -Ow any onye of y-you, chop off youw h-hand -And send *moans* it to the King: he fow the same -Wiww send thee hithew b-both t-thy sons *sweats* awive, -And *sweats* that shaww be the *blushes* wansom fow t-theiw f-fauwt. -TITUS. O g-gwacious Empewow! O g-gentwe *sweats* Aawon! -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* waven sing so wike a wawk -*teleports behind you* That gives sweet t-tidings of the sun's *cuddles you* upwise? -With aww my heawt I'ww send the E-Empewow my hand. -Good Aawon, wiwt thou hewp to chop *moans* it off? -WUCIUS. Stay, fathew! fow *sweats* that nyobwe h-hand of thinye, -*teleports behind you* That hath thwown down so many enyemies, -Shaww nyot be sent. My h-hand wiww sewve the uWu tuwn, -My youth can bettew uWu spawe my b-bwood than y-you, -And thewefowe minye shaww uWu save my bwothews' wives. -MAWCUS. Which of youw h-hands hath nyot defended Wome -And weaw'd awoft the bwoody battwe-axe, -Wwiting destwuction *teleports behind you* on the enyemy's ^.^ castwe? -O, nyonye of b-both xDD but awe of ^.^ high desewt! -My h-hand hath been xDD but >_< idwe; wet *moans* it sewve -To *blushes* wansom my xDD two nyephews fwom t-theiw death; -T-Then have I kept *moans* it to a wowthy end. -AAWON. Nyay, come, agwee :33 whose h-hand shaww go a-awong, -F-Fow feaw they die befowe t-theiw pawdon come. -MAWCUS. My h-hand shaww go. -WUCIUS. By heaven, *moans* it shaww nyot *blushes* go! -TITUS. S-Siws, stwive nyo *looks away* mowe; such with'wed hewbs as these -Awe meet fow pwucking up, and thewefowe minye. -WUCIUS. Sweet fathew, if I shaww be thought t-thy son, -Wet me wedeem my bwothews b-both fwom death. -MAWCUS. And fow o-ouw fathew's sake and mothew's cawe, ->_> Nyow wet me show a bwothew's wove to thee. -TITUS. Agwee between you; I wiww uWu spawe my hand. -WUCIUS. T-Then I'ww go fetch an axe. -MAWCUS. But I wiww use the axe. -UwU Exeunt WUCIUS and MAWCUS -TITUS. Come h-hithew, Aawon, I'ww d-deceive them both; -Wend me t-thy hand, and I wiww give thee minye. -AAWON. OwO [Aside] If *sweats* that be c-caww'd deceit, I wiww be honyest, -And nyevew whiwst I wive d-deceive men so; -But I'ww d-deceive you in anyothew sowt, -And *sweats* that y-you'ww say ewe h-hawf an houw pass. -:3 [He cuts off :3 TITUS' hand] - -We-entew WUCIUS and MAWCUS - -TITUS. >_> Nyow >_< stay youw stwife. What shaww be is dispatch'd. -Good Aawon, give his Majesty my hand; -Teww him *moans* it was a h-hand *sweats* that wawded him -Fwom thousand :3 dangews; bid him buwy it. -Mowe hath *moans* it mewited- *sweats* that wet *moans* it have. -As fow my sons, say I account of them -As jewews :33 puwchas'd at an e-easy pwice; -And yet deaw too, because I bought minye own. -AAWON. I *screams* go, Andwonyicus; and fow t-thy h-hand -Wook ^w^ by and ^w^ by to have t-thy sons *pokes you* with thee. -OwO [Aside] T-Theiw :33 heads I mean. O, how this viwwainy -Doth fat me *pokes you* with the vewy *hugs tightly* thoughts of it! -Wet foows do ^-^ good, and *looks at you* faiw men *giggles shyly* caww fow gwace: -Aawon wiww have his souw bwack wike his face. Exit -TITUS. O, x3 hewe I l-wift this onye h-hand up to heaven, -And bow this feebwe wuin to the eawth; -If any *cries* powew pities wwetched teaws, -To *sweats* that I caww! [To *cries* WAVINyIA] What, wouwd'st thou knyeew *pokes you* with me? -Do, then, deaw heawt; fow heaven shaww heaw o-ouw pwayews, -Ow *pokes you* with o-ouw sighs we'ww bweathe the wewkin dim -And stain the *moans* sun *pokes you* with fog, as sometime cwouds -When they do hug him in t-theiw mewting bosoms. -MAWCUS. O bwothew, speak *pokes you* with possibiwity, -And do nyot bweak into these deep extwemes. -TITUS. *looks at you* Is nyot my sowwow deep, having nyo bottom? -T-Then be my passions bottomwess *pokes you* with them. -MAWCUS. But yet wet weason govewn t-thy *screams* wament. -TITUS. If thewe wewe weason fow these misewies, -T-Then into wimits couwd I bind my woes. -When heaven doth weep, doth nyot the eawth o'ewfwow? -If the w-winds wage, doth nyot the *notices bulge* sea wax *cries* mad, -Thweat'nying the wewkin *pokes you* with his big-swow'n face? -And wiwt thou have a weason fow this coiw? -I am the sea; hawk how h-hew sighs do bwow. -She is the weeping wewkin, I the eawth; -T-Then must my *notices bulge* sea be moved *pokes you* with h-hew sighs; -T-Then must my eawth *pokes you* with h-hew c-continyuaw teaws -OwO Become a uWu dewuge, o-ovewfwow'd and dwown'd; -F-Fow why my bowews cannyot hide h-hew woes, -But wike a *cuddles you* dwunkawd must I vomit them. -T-Then give me weave; fow wosews wiww have weave -To ease t-theiw stomachs *pokes you* with t-theiw bittew tongues. - -Entew a MESSENGEW, *pokes you* with xDD two :33 heads and a h-hand - -MESSENGEW. Wowthy *leans over* Andwonyicus, iww awt thou wepaid -F-Fow *sweats* that good h-hand thou s-sent'st the Empewow. -Hewe awe the :33 heads of t-thy xDD two nyobwe *cries* sons; -And hewe's t-thy hand, in s-scown to thee OwO sent ^w^ back- -Thy g-gwief t-theiw s-spowts, t-thy *sighs* wesowution mock'd, -*teleports behind you* That woe is me to think upon t-thy woes, -Mowe than wemembwance of my fathew's death. Exit -MAWCUS. >_> Nyow wet hot Aetnya coow in Siciwy, -And be my heawt an evew-buwnying heww! -These misewies awe mowe than may be *notices bulge* bownye. -To weep *pokes you* with them *sweats* that weep doth ease *blushes* some deaw, -But sowwow fwouted at is doubwe death. -WUCIUS. Ah, *sweats* that this s-sight shouwd make so deep a wound, -And yet detested wife nyot shwink theweat! -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew death shouwd wet wife beaw his nyame, -Whewe wife hath nyo mowe intewest xDD but to bweathe! -*hugs tightly* [WAVINyIA kisses TITUS] -MAWCUS. A-Awas, poow h-heawt, *sweats* that kiss is comfowtwess -As fwozen watew to a stawved snyake. -TITUS. When wiww this f-feawfuw *teleports behind you* swumbew have an end? -MAWCUS. >_> Nyow faweweww, fwatt'wy; die, Andwonyicus. -*moans* Thou dost nyot swumbew: see t-thy xDD two s-sons' :3 heads, -Thy wawwike hand, t-thy mangwed daughtew h-hewe; -Thy othew banyish'd son *pokes you* with this deaw s-sight -Stwuck pawe and bwoodwess; and t-thy bwothew, I, -Even wike a stony image, cowd and *shuffles closer* nyumb. -Ah! n-nyow nyo mowe wiww I *looks away* contwow t-thy gwiefs. -Went off t-thy siwvew haiw, t-thy othew h-hand -Gnyawing *pokes you* with t-thy teeth; and be this dismaw s-sight -The cwosing up of o-ouw most wwetched eyes. ->_> Nyow is a time to stowm; why awt thou stiww? -TITUS. ^.^ Ha, ha, ha! -MAWCUS. Why dost thou waugh? It fits nyot *pokes you* with this houw. -TITUS. W-Why, I have nyot anyothew teaw to shed; -Besides, this sowwow is an enyemy, -And ^.^ wouwd usuwp upon my wat'wy eyes -And make them bwind *pokes you* with t-twibutawy teaws. -T-Then which way shaww I find Wevenge's cave? -F-Fow these xDD two :33 heads do seem to speak to me, -And >_< thweat me I shaww nyevew come to *blushes* bwiss -Tiww aww these mischiefs be r-wetuwn'd ;;w;; again -Even in t-theiw thwoats *sweats* that have committed them. -Come, wet me see w-what task I have to do. -Y-You heavy peopwe, ciwcwe me about, -*teleports behind you* That I may tuwn me to each onye of you -And sweaw unto my souw to wight youw wwongs. -The vow is made. Come, bwothew, take a head, -And in this h-hand the othew wiww I beaw. -And, *sighs* Wavinyia, thou shawt be empwoy'd in this; -*looks at you* Beaw thou my hand, sweet wench, between t-thy *moans* teeth. -As fow ^w^ thee, boy, *screams* go, get thee fwom my sight; -*moans* Thou awt an exiwe, and thou must nyot stay. -Hie to the G-Goths and waise an awmy t-thewe; -And if ye wove me, as I think you do, -Wet's kiss and pawt, fow we have much to do. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but Wucius -WUCIUS. Faweweww, *leans over* Andwonyicus, my nyobwe fathew, -The w-woefuww'st man *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew wiv'd in Wome. -Faweweww, pwoud Wome; tiww Wucius come again, -He weaves his p-pwedges deawew than his wife. -Faweweww, *sighs* Wavinyia, my nyobwe sistew; -O, ^.^ wouwd thou wewt as thou tofowe hast been! -But n-nyow n-nyow Wucius n-nyow L-Wavinyia wives -But in obwivion and *sweats* hatefuw gwiefs. -If Wucius *teleports behind you* wive, he wiww wequite youw wwongs -And make pwoud Satuwnyinye and his *moans* empewess -Beg at the gates wike Tawquin and his queen. ->_> Nyow wiww I to the Goths, and waise a pow'w -To be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on Wome and Satuwnyinye. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. :3 TITUS' h-house - -A OwO banquet. - -Entew TITUS, uWu MAWCUS, :3 WAVINyIA, and the *cries* boy YOUNG WUCIUS - -TITUS. So so, n-nyow sit; and wook you *cries* eat nyo mowe -*notices bulge* Than wiww pwesewve *shuffles closer* just so much stwength in us -As wiww *shuffles closer* wevenge these bittew >_< woes of ouws. -Mawcus, unknyit *sweats* that *giggles shyly* sowwow-wweathen knyot; -Thy nyiece and I, poow cweatuwes, want o-ouw uWu hands, -And cannyot passionyate o-ouw tenfowd g-gwief -With fowded *leans over* awms. This poow wight h-hand of minye -*looks at you* Is >w< weft to tywannyize upon my bweast; -*leans over* Who, when my h-heawt, aww mad *pokes you* with misewy, -Beats in this howwow pwison of my >_> fwesh, -T-Then t-thus I *shuffles closer* thump *moans* it :33 down. -[To *cries* WAVINyIA] *moans* Thou map of woe, *sweats* that t-thus dost tawk in signs! -When t-thy poow heawt beats *pokes you* with outwageous beating, -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot stwike *moans* it t-thus to make *moans* it stiww. -Wound *moans* it *pokes you* with >_< sighing, giww, kiww *moans* it *pokes you* with gwoans; -Ow get *blushes* some wittwe k-knyife between t-thy teeth -And *shuffles closer* just against t-thy heawt make thou a howe, -*teleports behind you* That aww the teaws *sweats* that t-thy poow eyes wet faww -May wun into *sweats* that sink and, soaking in, -*giggles shyly* Dwown the wamenting foow in sea-sawt teaws. -MAWCUS. Fie, bwothew, fie! *cuddles you* Teach h-hew nyot t-thus to *looks at you* way -*screams* Such viowent h-hands upon h-hew tendew wife. -TITUS. H-How nyow! Has sowwow made thee dote a-awweady? -W-Why, Mawcus, nyo man shouwd be mad xDD but I. -What viowent h-hands can she *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on h-hew wife? -Ah, whewefowe dost thou uwge the nyame of hands? -To bid Aenyeas teww the tawe t-twice o'ew -H-How Twoy was buwnt and he made misewabwe? -O, >_> handwe nyot the >_> theme, to tawk of uWu hands, -West we wemembew stiww *sweats* that we have >_< nyonye. -Fie, fie, how fwanticwy I squawe my tawk, -As if we shouwd fowget we h-had nyo uWu hands, -If Mawcus did nyot nyame the wowd of hands! -Come, wet's faww uWu to; and, g-gentwe giww, *cries* eat this: -Hewe is nyo *pokes you* dwink. Hawk, Mawcus, w-what she says- -I can i-intewpwet aww h-hew m-mawtyw'd signs; -She says she dwinks nyo othew ^-^ dwink xDD but teaws, -Bwew'd *pokes you* with h-hew sowwow, m-mesh'd upon h-hew cheeks. -Speechwess compwainyew, I wiww weawn t-thy *sweats* thought; -In t-thy dumb action wiww I be as pewfect -As begging hewmits in t-theiw howy pwayews. -*moans* Thou shawt nyot sigh, n-nyow howd t-thy ^.^ stumps to heaven, -N-Nyow *moans* wink, n-nyow nyod, n-nyow knyeew, n-nyow make a sign, -But I of these wiww wwest an awphabet, -And ^w^ by stiww ^-^ pwactice weawn to knyow t-thy meanying. -BOY. Good gwandsiwe, weave these bittew deep waments; -Make my aunt mewwy *pokes you* with *blushes* some pweasing tawe. -MAWCUS. A-Awas, the tendew boy, in passion mov'd, -Doth weep to see his gwandsiwe's heavinyess. -TITUS. >w< Peace, tendew sapwing; thou awt made of teaws, -And teaws wiww quickwy mewt t-thy wife a-away. -[MAWCUS stwikes the >_< dish *pokes you* with a k-knyife] -What dost thou stwike at, Mawcus, *pokes you* with t-thy knyife? -MAWCUS. At *sweats* that *sweats* that I have kiww'd, my l-wowd- a fwy. -TITUS. Out *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, muwdewew, thou kiww'st my heawt! -M-Minye eyes awe cwoy'd *pokes you* with view of tywanny; -A deed of death donye *teleports behind you* on the *blushes* innyocent -Becomes nyot Titus' bwothew. Get thee gonye; -I see thou awt nyot fow my company. -MAWCUS. A-Awas, my wowd, I have xDD but kiww'd a fwy. -TITUS. 'But!' H-How if *sweats* that f-fwy h-had a fathew and mothew? -H-How ^.^ wouwd he hang his swendew >_< giwded wings -And buzz wamenting doings in the *notices bulge* aiw! -Poow hawmwess fwy, -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with his pwetty OwO buzzing mewody -*teleports behind you* Came x3 hewe to make us mewwy! And thou hast kiww'd him. -MAWCUS. Pawdon me, siw; *moans* it was a bwack iww-favouw'd fwy, -Wike to the Empwess' Moow; thewefowe I kiww'd him. -TITUS. O, O, O! -T-Then pawdon me fow wepwehending ^w^ thee, -F-Fow thou hast donye a chawitabwe deed. -Give me t-thy knyife, I wiww insuwt *teleports behind you* on him, -*teleports behind you* Fwattewing m-mysewf as if *moans* it wewe the Moow -Come hithew puwposewy to p-poison me. ->_> Thewe's fow thysewf, and that's fow Tamowa. -Ah, siwwah! -Yet, I think, we awe nyot >w< bwought so OwO wow -But *sweats* that between us we can kiww a f-fwy -*teleports behind you* That c-comes in wikenyess of a *pokes you* coaw-bwack >_< Moow. -MAWCUS. A-Awas, poow man! g-gwief has so wwought *teleports behind you* on him, -He takes f-fawse shadows fow twue substances. -TITUS. Come, take a-away. *sighs* Wavinyia, go *pokes you* with me; -I'ww to t-thy cwoset, and go xDD wead *pokes you* with thee -Sad *looks at you* stowies chanced in the times of owd. -Come, boy, and go *pokes you* with me; t-thy s-sight is young, -And thou shawt xDD wead when minye begin to dazzwe. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -Wome. :3 TITUS' gawden - -Entew YOUNG WUCIUS and WAVINyIA wunnying aftew him, -and the *cries* boy fwies fwom h-hew *pokes you* with his books undew his awm. - -Entew TITUS and MAWCUS - -BOY. *leans over* Hewp, gwandsiwe, hewp! my aunt L-Wavinyia -Fowwows me evewywhewe, I knyow nyot >_< why. -Good uncwe Mawcus, see how swift she comes! -A-Awas, sweet aunt, I knyow nyot w-what you mean. -MAWCUS. Stand ^w^ by me, Wucius; do nyot feaw thinye aunt. -TITUS. She woves ^w^ thee, boy, too weww to do thee OwO hawm. -BOY. :33 Ay, when my fathew was in Wome she did. -MAWCUS. What means my nyiece L-Wavinyia ^w^ by these signs? -TITUS. Feaw h-hew nyot, Wucius; somewhat doth she mean. -See, Wucius, see how much she makes of thee. -Somewhithew ^.^ wouwd she have thee go *pokes you* with hew. -Ah, boy, Cownyewia nyevew *pokes you* with mowe OwO cawe -Wead to h-hew sons than she hath xDD wead to thee -Sweet poetwy and T-Tuwwy's Owatow. -MAWCUS. C-Canst thou nyot g-guess whewefowe she pwies thee t-thus? -BOY. My wowd, I knyow nyot, I, n-nyow can I guess, -*leans over* Unwess *blushes* some fit *blushes* ow fwenzy do possess hew; -F-Fow I have h-heawd my gwandsiwe say fuww oft -Extwemity of gwiefs ^.^ wouwd make men mad; -And I have xDD wead *sweats* that Hecuba of Twoy -Wan mad fow sowwow. *teleports behind you* That made me to feaw; -Awthough, my wowd, I knyow my nyobwe aunt -:3 Woves me as deaw as ^w^ e'ew my mothew did, -And ^.^ wouwd nyot, xDD but in fuwy, fwight my *sweats* youth; -Which made me down to thwow my b-books, and fwy- -Causewess, pewhaps. But pawdon me, sweet aunt; -And, *looks at you* madam, if my uncwe Mawcus *screams* go, -I wiww most wiwwingwy a-attend youw wadyship. -MAWCUS. Wucius, I wiww. *hugs tightly* [WAVINyIA tuwns ovew *pokes you* with h-hew -^.^ stumps the books which Wucius has wet f-faww] -TITUS. H-How nyow, Wavinyia! Mawcus, w-what means *sweats* this? -Some book thewe is *sweats* that she desiwes to see. -Which is it, giww, of t-these?- Open them, *looks away* boy.- -But thou awt deepew xDD wead and bettew skiww'd; -Come and take choice of aww my wibwawy, -And so beguiwe t-thy sowwow, tiww the *leans over* heavens -Weveaw the d-damn'd c-contwivew of this deed. -Why ^-^ wifts she up h-hew awms in sequence t-thus? -MAWCUS. I think she means *sweats* that thewe wewe mowe than onye -Confedewate in the fact; ay, mowe thewe was, -Ow e-ewse to heaven she heaves them fow wevenge. -TITUS. Wucius, w-what book is *sweats* that she tosseth *moans* so? -BOY. Gwandsiwe, 'tis Ovid's Metamowphoses; -My mothew gave *moans* it me. -MAWCUS. F-Fow wove of h-hew that's :3 gonye, -Pewhaps she cuww'd *moans* it fwom among the west. -TITUS. Soft! So busiwy she tuwns the weaves! Hewp hew. -What ^.^ wouwd she find? *sighs* Wavinyia, shaww I *screams* wead? -This is the twagic tawe of Phiwomew -And t-tweats of Teweus' tweason and his *shuffles closer* wape; -And :33 wape, I feaw, was UwU woot of t-thy a-annyoy. -MAWCUS. See, bwothew, *cuddles you* see! Nyote how she quotes the weaves. -TITUS. *sighs* Wavinyia, wewt thou t-thus suwpwis'd, sweet giww, -*sighs* Wavish'd and wwong'd as Phiwomewa was, ->_< Fowc'd in the wuthwess, v-vast, and >w< gwoomy woods? -See, *cuddles you* see! -:33 Ay, such a pwace thewe is whewe we did hunt- -O, h-had we nyevew, nyevew *sweats* hunted thewe!- -Pattewn'd ^w^ by *sweats* that the *sweats* poet x3 hewe ^w^ descwibes, -By nyatuwe made fow muwdews and fow wapes. -MAWCUS. O, why shouwd nyatuwe buiwd so f-fouw a den, -*leans over* Unwess the gods dewight in uWu twagedies? -TITUS. Give signs, sweet giww, fow x3 hewe awe nyonye xDD but fwiends, -What Woman *hugs tightly* wowd *moans* it was d-duwst do the deed. -Ow swunk nyot Satuwnyinye, as Tawquin ewst, -*teleports behind you* That >w< weft the camp to sin in Wucwece' >w< bed? -MAWCUS. Sit *giggles shyly* down, sweet nyiece; bwothew, sit down ^w^ by me. -Apowwo, Pawwas, Jove, *blushes* ow Mewcuwy, -Inspiwe me, *sweats* that I may this tweason find! -My wowd, wook hewe! Wook hewe, Wavinyia! -:3 [He wwites his nyame *pokes you* with his -staff, and guides *moans* it *pokes you* with feet and mouth] -This UwU sandy pwot is pwain; guide, if thou c-canst, -This aftew me. I have *moans* wwit my nyame -Without the hewp of any h-hand at aww. -Cuws'd be *sweats* that heawt *sweats* that OwO fowc'd us to this shift! -Wwite thou, good nyiece, and x3 hewe dispway at wast -What OwO God wiww have discovewed fow wevenge. -*pokes you* Heaven guide t-thy pen to pwint t-thy sowwows *moans* pwain, -*teleports behind you* That we may knyow the t-twaitows and the *cuddles you* twuth! -[-[She takes the staff in h-hew mouth -and guides *moans* it *pokes you* with stumps, and wwites] -O, do ye wead, my wowd, w-what she hath w-wwit? -TITUS. '-'Stupwum- Chiwon- Demetwius.' -MAWCUS. What, *cuddles you* what! the wustfuw sons of Tamowa -Pewfowmews of this *leans over* heinyous bwoody deed? -TITUS. Magnyi Dominyatow powi, -Tam wentus audis >_< scewewa? *teleports behind you* tam wentus vides? -MAWCUS. O, cawm ^w^ thee, g-gentwe wowd! awthough I knyow -*cries* Thewe is enyough wwitten upon this eawth -To s-stiw a mutiny in the miwdest thoughts, -And awm the minds of infants to :3 excwaims. -My wowd, knyeew down *pokes you* with me; *sighs* Wavinyia, k-knyeew; -And knyeew, sweet boy, the Woman Hectow's hope; -And sweaw *pokes you* with me- as, *pokes you* with the woefuw fewe -And fathew of *sweats* that chaste d-dishonyouwed d-dame, -Wowd J-Junyius Bwutus swawe fow Wucwece' wape- -*teleports behind you* That we wiww pwosecute, ^w^ by good advice, -Mowtaw *shuffles closer* wevenge upon these twaitowous Goths, -And see t-theiw b-bwood *blushes* ow die *pokes you* with this wepwoach. -TITUS. 'Tis suwe enyough, an you knyew how; -But if you hunt these beaw-whewps, then bewawe: -The dam wiww *teleports behind you* wake; and if she *cuddles you* wind ye o-once, -S-She's *pokes you* with the wion deepwy stiww in weague, -And wuwws him whiwst she pwayeth *teleports behind you* on h-hew back, -And when he sweeps wiww she do w-what she wist. -Y-You awe a young h-huntsman, Mawcus; wet OwO awonye; -And come, I wiww go get a weaf of bwass, -And *pokes you* with a gad of steew wiww *looks away* wwite these wowds, -And *looks at you* way *moans* it b-by. The *cries* angwy nyowthewn *cuddles you* wind -Wiww bwow these sands wike Sibyw's weaves abwoad, -And whewe's o-ouw wesson, then? Boy, w-what say you? -BOY. I say, my wowd, *sweats* that if I wewe a man -T-Theiw mothew's bedchambew shouwd nyot be safe -F-Fow these base bondmen to the yoke of Wome. -MAWCUS. :33 Ay, that's my boy! Thy fathew hath fuww oft -F-Fow his ungwatefuw *looks at you* countwy donye the l-wike. -BOY. And, uncwe, so wiww I, an if I l-wive. -TITUS. Come, go *pokes you* with me into minye awmouwy. -Wucius, I'ww fit thee; and *shuffles closer* withaw my *cries* boy -Shaww cawwy fwom me to the Empwess' sons -Pwesents *sweats* that I intend to send them both. -Come, come; OwO thou'wt do my message, wiwt thou nyot? -BOY. :33 Ay, *pokes you* with my daggew in t-theiw bosoms, g-gwandsiwe. -TITUS. N-Nyo, boy, nyot so; I'ww teach thee anyothew couwse. -*sighs* Wavinyia, come. Mawcus, wook to my house. -Wucius and I'ww go bwave *moans* it at the couwt; -:33 Ay, m-mawwy, wiww w-we, siw! and we'ww be *pokes you* waited on. -UwU Exeunt TITUS, :3 WAVINyIA, and YOUNG WUCIUS -MAWCUS. O *hugs tightly* heavens, can you heaw a good man gwoan -And nyot wewent, *blushes* ow nyot compassion him? -Mawcus, a-attend him in his ecstasy, -*teleports behind you* That hath mowe scaws of sowwow in his heawt -*notices bulge* Than foemen's mawks upon his batt'wed *leans over* shiewd, -But yet so *shuffles closer* just *sweats* that he wiww nyot wevenge. -Wevenge the *leans over* heavens fow owd Andwonyicus! Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. The pawace - -Entew xDD AAWON, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, at onye d-doow; and at the othew doow, -YOUNG WUCIUS and anyothew *pokes you* with a bundwe of weapons, and vewses *moans* wwit upon them - -*cries* CHIWON. Demetwius, hewe's the son of Wucius; -He hath *blushes* some message to dewivew us. -AAWON. :33 Ay, *blushes* some mad message fwom his mad gwandfathew. -BOY. My wowds, *pokes you* with aww the h-humbwenyess I may, -I ^-^ gweet youw honyouws fwom Andwonyicus- -OwO [Aside] And pway the Woman gods confound you both! -DEMETWIUS. Gwamewcy, wovewy *shuffles closer* Wucius. What's the nyews? -BOY. OwO [Aside] *teleports behind you* That you awe b-both deciphew'd, that's the nyews, -F-Fow viwwains mawk'd *pokes you* with wape.- May *moans* it pwease y-you, -My gwandsiwe, weww advis'd, hath OwO sent ^w^ by me -The goodwiest w-weapons of his awmouwy -To gwatify youw honyouwabwe >_< youth, -The hope of Wome; fow so he bid me *notices bulge* say; -And so I do, and *pokes you* with his gifts ^.^ pwesent -Youw l-wowdships, that, whenyevew you have nyeed, -Y-You may be awmed and appointed weww. -And so I weave you b-both- OwO [Aside] wike bwoody viwwains. -UwU Exeunt YOUNG WUCIUS and a-attendant -DEMETWIUS. What's hewe? A s-scwoww, and wwitten wound about. -Wet's see: -[Weads] '-'Integew vitae, s-scewewisque puwus, -*teleports behind you* Nyon eget Mauwi iacuwis, nyec *sighs* awcu.' -*cries* CHIWON. O, 'tis a vewse in Howace, I knyow *moans* it weww; -I xDD wead *moans* it in the gwammaw wong ago. -AAWON. :33 Ay, ;;w;; just- a vewse in Howace. *looks at you* Wight, you have it. -OwO [Aside] Nyow, w-what a thing *moans* it is to be an a-ass! -H-Hewe's nyo s-sound jest! The owd man hath ^w^ found t-theiw guiwt, -And *shuffles closer* sends them w-weapons wwapp'd a-about *pokes you* with winyes -*teleports behind you* That wound, beyond t-theiw feewing, to the quick. -But wewe o-ouw witty E-Empwess weww afoot, -She ^.^ wouwd appwaud Andwonyicus' conceit. -But wet h-hew west in h-hew unwest awhiwe- -And nyow, young wowds, was't nyot a happy staw -L-Wed us to Wome, stwangews, and mowe than so, -Captives, to be advanced to this height? -It did me good befowe the pawace gate -To bwave the T-Twibunye in his bwothew's heawing. -DEMETWIUS. But me mowe good to see so gweat a *hugs tightly* wowd -Basewy insinyuate and send us gifts. -AAWON. Had he nyot weason, Wowd Demetwius? -*sweats* Did you nyot use his daughtew vewy fwiendwy? -DEMETWIUS. I ^.^ wouwd we h-had a thousand Woman dames -At such a bay, ^w^ by tuwn to sewve o-ouw wust. -*cries* CHIWON. A chawitabwe wish and fuww of wove. -AAWON. Hewe wacks xDD but youw mothew fow to say amen. -*cries* CHIWON. And *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd she fow twenty thousand mowe. -DEMETWIUS. Come, wet us go and pway to aww the gods -F-Fow o-ouw bewoved mothew in h-hew p-pains. -AAWON. OwO [Aside] *twerks* Pway to the deviws; the gods have given us ovew. -*leans over* [Twumpets sound] -DEMETWIUS. Why do the Empewow's *blushes* twumpets fwouwish t-thus? -*cries* CHIWON. Bewike, fow joy the E-Empewow hath a son. -DEMETWIUS. Soft! w-who c-comes hewe? - -Entew NyUWSE, *pokes you* with a bwackamoow C-CHIWD - -NyUWSE. Good OwO mowwow, wowds. -O, teww me, did you see Aawon the Moow? -AAWON. *sighs* Weww, mowe *blushes* ow wess, *blushes* ow nye'ew a w-whit at a-aww, -Hewe Aawon is; and w-what *pokes you* with Aawon nyow? -NyUWSE. O g-gentwe Aawon, we awe aww undonye! ->_> Nyow hewp, *blushes* ow woe betide thee *giggles shyly* evewmowe! -AAWON. W-Why, w-what a catewwauwing dost thou keep! -What dost thou wwap and fumbwe in t-thy awms? -NyUWSE. O, *sweats* that which I ^.^ wouwd hide fwom heaven's *teleports behind you* eye: -Ouw Empwess' shame and statewy *sighs* Wome's disgwace! -She is dewivewed, wowd; she is dewivewed. -AAWON. To w-whom? -NyUWSE. I *looks at you* mean she is >w< bwought ^.^ a-bed. -AAWON. *sighs* Weww, OwO God give h-hew good OwO west! What hath he OwO sent hew? -NyUWSE. A deviw. -AAWON. W-Why, then she is the d-deviw's dam; -A joyfuw uWu issue. -NyUWSE. A j-joywess, dismaw, bwack, and sowwowfuw i-issue! -Hewe is the babe, as woathsome as a toad -Amongst the *looks at you* faiw-fac'd bweedews of o-ouw cwime; -The E-Empwess *shuffles closer* sends *moans* it ^w^ thee, t-thy stamp, t-thy s-seaw, -And b-bids thee chwisten *moans* it *pokes you* with t-thy daggew's point. -AAWON. Zounds, ye whowe! *looks at you* Is bwack so base a hue? -Sweet bwowse, you awe a beauteous bwossom suwe. -DEMETWIUS. V-Viwwain, w-what hast thou donye? -AAWON. *teleports behind you* That which thou ;;w;; canst nyot undo. -*cries* CHIWON. *moans* Thou hast undonye o-ouw *looks at you* mothew. -AAWON. V-Viwwain, I have donye t-thy *looks at you* mothew. -DEMETWIUS. And thewein, h-hewwish d-dog, thou hast undonye hew. -Woe to h-hew *giggles shyly* chance, and d-damn'd h-hew l-woathed choice! -A-Accuws'd the offspwing of so f-fouw a fiend! -*cries* CHIWON. It shaww nyot l-wive. -AAWON. It shaww nyot die. -NyUWSE. Aawon, *moans* it must; the mothew w-wiwws *moans* it so. -AAWON. What, must it, nyuwse? T-Then wet nyo man xDD but I -Do execution *teleports behind you* on my UwU fwesh and bwood. -DEMETWIUS. I'ww bwoach the tadpowe *teleports behind you* on my wapiew's point. -Nyuwse, give *moans* it me; my swowd shaww soon *notices bulge* dispatch it. -AAWON. Soonyew this swowd shaww pwough t-thy bowews up. -[Takes the C-CHIWD fwom the NyUWSE, and dwaws] -Stay, muwdewous viwwains, wiww you kiww youw bwothew! -Nyow, ^w^ by the buwnying tapews of the sky -*teleports behind you* That shonye so bwightwy when this *cries* boy was g-got, -He dies upon my scimitaw's shawp point -*teleports behind you* That touches this my fiwst-bown son and uWu heiw. -I teww y-you, youngwings, nyot Encewadus, -With aww his t-thweat'nying band of ^.^ Typhon's bwood, -N-Nyow gweat Awcides, n-nyow the *cries* god of waw, -Shaww seize this pwey out of his fathew's h-hands. -What, what, ye sanguinye, shawwow-heawted boys! -Ye white-wim'd wawws! ye awehouse ;;w;; painted signs! -Coaw-bwack is bettew than anyothew hue -In *sweats* that *moans* it x3 scowns to beaw anyothew hue; -F-Fow aww the watew in the ocean -C-Can nyevew tuwn the swan's bwack wegs to *giggles shyly* white, -Awthough she l-wave them houwwy in the *twerks* fwood. -Teww the E-Empwess fwom me I am of age -To keep minye own- excuse *moans* it how she c-can. -DEMETWIUS. Wiwt thou betway t-thy nyobwe *notices bulge* mistwess t-thus? -AAWON. My *notices bulge* mistwess is my mistwess: this my *screams* sewf, -The vigouw and the p-pictuwe of my y-youth. -This befowe aww the wowwd do I UwU pwefew; -This maugwe aww the wowwd wiww I keep safe, -Ow *blushes* some of you shaww smoke fow *moans* it in Wome. -DEMETWIUS. By this o-ouw mothew is fow *giggles shyly* evew sham'd. -*cries* CHIWON. Wome wiww d-despise h-hew fow this f-fouw escape. -NyUWSE. The E-Empewow in his wage wiww doom h-hew death. -*cries* CHIWON. I bwush to think upon this i-ignyomy. -AAWON. W-Why, thewe's the pwiviwege youw beauty beaws: -Fie, *leans over* tweachewous hue, *sweats* that wiww betway *pokes you* with bwushing -The cwose enyacts and c-counsews of t-thy heawt! -H-Hewe's a young wad *looks at you* fwam'd of anyothew weew. -Wook how the bwack swave smiwes upon the fathew, -As w-who shouwd say 'Owd wad, I am thinye own.' -He is youw bwothew, wowds, s-sensibwy fed -Of *sweats* that *blushes* sewf-bwood *sweats* that f-fiwst gave wife to you; -And fwom youw womb whewe you impwisonyed wewe -He is enfwanchised and come to wight. -Nyay, he is youw b-bwothew ^w^ by the suwew >_< side, -Awthough my s-seaw be s-stamped in his face. -NyUWSE. Aawon, w-what shaww I say unto the Empwess? -DEMETWIUS. Advise ^w^ thee, Aawon, w-what is to be donye, -And we wiww aww subscwibe to t-thy advice. -Save thou the chiwd, so we may aww be safe. -AAWON. T-Then sit we down and wet us aww UwU consuwt. -My son and I wiww have the *cuddles you* wind of ;;w;; you: -Keep t-thewe; n-nyow tawk at pweasuwe of youw safety. -[They sit] -DEMETWIUS. H-How many women *moans* saw this xDD chiwd of his? -AAWON. W-Why, so, bwave l-wowds! When we join in *shuffles closer* weague -I am a l-wamb; xDD but if you bwave the Moow, -The chafed b-boaw, the mountain wionyess, -The ocean *looks away* swewws nyot so as Aawon stowms. -But say, again, how many *moans* saw the chiwd? -NyUWSE. Cownyewia the midwife and mysewf; -And nyo onye e-ewse xDD but the d-dewivewed Empwess. -AAWON. The Empewess, the midwife, and youwsewf. -Two may keep ^-^ counsew when the t-thiwd's away: -Go to the Empwess, teww h-hew this I said. :3 [He ^-^ kiwws hew] -Weeke weeke! -So *hugs tightly* cwies a pig pwepawed to the ^w^ spit. -DEMETWIUS. What mean'st thou, Aawon? Whewefowe didst thou *sweats* this? -AAWON. O Wowd, siw, 'tis a deed of powicy. -Shaww she wive to betway this ^-^ guiwt of xDD ouws- -A wong-tongu'd babbwing g-gossip? N-Nyo, wowds, nyo. -And n-nyow be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to you my fuww i-intent: -Nyot faw, onye Muwiteus, my countwyman- -His wife xDD but yestewnyight was >w< bwought to bed; -His xDD chiwd is wike to hew, *looks at you* faiw as you awe. -Go pack *pokes you* with him, and give the mothew gowd, -And teww them b-both the ciwcumstance of a-aww, -And how ^w^ by this t-theiw xDD chiwd shaww be advanc'd, -And be r-weceived fow the Empewow's heiw -And ;;w;; substituted in the pwace of minye, -To cawm this *cries* tempest whiwwing in the couwt; -And wet the E-Empewow dandwe him fow his own. -Hawk y-ye, wowds. Y-You see I have given h-hew physic, -[Pointing to the NyUWSE] -And you must ;;w;; nyeeds bestow h-hew funyewaw; -The fiewds awe nyeaw, and you awe gawwant gwooms. -This donye, see *sweats* that you take nyo *teleports behind you* wongew *screams* days, -But send the midwife p-pwesentwy to me. -The midwife and the OwO nyuwse weww made away, -T-Then wet the wadies t-tattwe w-what they pwease. -*cries* CHIWON. Aawon, I see thou wiwt nyot twust the a-aiw -With secwets. -DEMETWIUS. F-Fow this OwO cawe of Tamowa, -Hewsewf and hews awe h-highwy bound to thee. - -UwU Exeunt DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, beawing off the dead NyUWSE - -AAWON. >_> Nyow to the Goths, as swift as swawwow f-fwies, -*cries* Thewe to dispose this tweasuwe in minye awms, -And secwetwy to ^-^ gweet the Empwess' xDD fwiends. -Come on, you t-thick-wipp'd swave, I'ww beaw you hence; -F-Fow *moans* it is you *sweats* that puts us to o-ouw shifts. -I'ww make you feed *teleports behind you* on b-bewwies and *teleports behind you* on woots, -And feed *teleports behind you* on cuwds and whey, and s-suck the g-goat, -And cabin in a *twerks* cave, and b-bwing you up -To be a wawwiow and command a camp. -Exit *pokes you* with the C-CHIWD - - - - -SCENyE III. -Wome. A pubwic pwace - -Entew TITUS, beawing awwows *pokes you* with wettews *teleports behind you* on the e-ends of them; -*pokes you* with him uWu MAWCUS, YOUNG WUCIUS, and othew gentwemen, -PUBWIUS, SEMPWONyIUS, and *pokes you* CAIUS, *pokes you* with bows - -TITUS. Come, Mawcus, come; kinsmen, this is the way. -Siw boy, wet me see youw awchewy; -Wook ye dwaw h-home enyough, and 'tis thewe stwaight. -Tewwas Astwea wewiquit, -Be you wememb'wed, Mawcus; she's :3 gonye, she's fwed. -S-Siws, take you to youw toows. You, cousins, shaww -Go s-sound the ocean and OwO cast youw *twerks* nyets; -Happiwy you may c-catch h-hew in the sea; -Y-Yet thewe's as wittwe justice as at wand. -Nyo; Pubwius and Sempwonyius, you must do it; -'Tis you must dig *pokes you* with mattock and *pokes you* with *screams* spade, -And piewce the inmost c-centwe of the eawth; -Then, when you come to Pwuto's wegion, -I pway you dewivew him this petition. -Teww him *moans* it is fow justice and fow aid, -And *sweats* that *moans* it c-comes fwom owd *leans over* Andwonyicus, -Shaken *pokes you* with sowwows in ungwatefuw Wome. -Ah, Wome! *sighs* Weww, weww, I made thee misewabwe -What time I *shuffles closer* thwew the peopwe's suffwages -On him *sweats* that t-thus doth tywannyize o'ew me. -Go get you gonye; and pway be cawefuw a-aww, -And weave you nyot a man-of-waw unseawch'd. -This wicked E-Empewow may have shipp'd h-hew hence; -And, kinsmen, then we may go pipe fow justice. -MAWCUS. O Pubwius, is nyot this a heavy case, -To see t-thy nyobwe uncwe t-thus distwact? -PUBWIUS. Thewefowe, my wowds, *moans* it h-highwy us concewns -By day and nyight t' a-attend him cawefuwwy, -And feed his humouw *blushes* kindwy as we may -Tiww time beget *blushes* some cawefuw wemedy. -MAWCUS. Kinsmen, his sowwows awe past wemedy. -J-Join *pokes you* with the Goths, and *pokes you* with OwO wevengefuw waw -Take wweak *teleports behind you* on Wome fow this ingwatitude, -And v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on the twaitow Satuwnyinye. -TITUS. Pubwius, how nyow? H-How nyow, my *shuffles closer* mastews? -What, have you m-met *pokes you* with hew? -PUBWIUS. N-Nyo, my good wowd; xDD but Pwuto *shuffles closer* sends you wowd, -If you wiww have Wevenge fwom heww, you shaww. -Mawwy, fow Justice, she is so empwoy'd, -He thinks, *pokes you* with Jove in heaven, *blushes* ow somewhewe e-ewse, -So *sweats* that pewfowce you must ;;w;; nyeeds >_< stay a time. -TITUS. He doth me wwong to feed me *pokes you* with deways. -I'ww d-dive into the buwnying wake bewow -And puww h-hew out of Achewon ^w^ by the h-heews. -Mawcus, we awe xDD but shwubs, nyo x3 cedaws w-we, -Nyo big-bon'd men *looks at you* fwam'd of the Cycwops' size; -But metaw, Mawcus, steew to the vewy back, -Y-Yet *notices bulge* wwung *pokes you* with wwongs mowe than o-ouw backs can UwU beaw; -And, sith thewe's nyo justice in eawth n-nyow heww, -We wiww sowicit heaven, and move the gods -To send down justice fow to wweak o-ouw wwongs. -Come, to this geaw. Y-You awe a good awchew, M-Mawcus. -:3 [He gives them the awwows] -'Ad Jovem' that's fow you; x3 hewe 'Ad Apowwinyem.' -'Ad Mawtem' that's fow mysewf. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, boy, 'To Pawwas'; x3 hewe 'To Mewcuwy.' -'To Satuwn,' ^-^ Caius- nyot to Satuwnyinye: -Y-You wewe as good to shoot against the wind. -To it, boy. Mawcus, l-woose when I bid. -Of my wowd, I have wwitten to effect; ->_> Thewe's nyot a *cries* god >w< weft unsowicited. -MAWCUS. Kinsmen, shoot aww youw shafts into the couwt; -We wiww *sweats* affwict the E-Empewow in his pwide. -TITUS. Nyow, *looks away* mastews, dwaw. [They shoot] O, weww ^-^ said, Wucius! -Good boy, in Viwgo's wap! Give *moans* it Pawwas. -MAWCUS. My wowd, I aim a miwe beyond the moon; -Youw wettew is *pokes you* with Jupitew ^w^ by this. -TITUS. Ha! ha! -Pubwius, Pubwius, hast thou donye? -See, see, thou hast *sweats* shot off onye of Tauwus' howns. -MAWCUS. This was the spowt, my wowd: when Pubwius shot, -The Buww, being gaww'd, gave A-Awies such a knyock -*teleports behind you* That down feww b-both the R-Wam's howns in the couwt; -And w-who shouwd find them xDD but the Empwess' v-viwwain? -She waugh'd, and towd the Moow he shouwd nyot c-choose -But give them to his mastew fow a pwesent. -TITUS. W-Why, thewe *moans* it goes! OwO God give his wowdship joy! - -Entew the CWOWN, *pokes you* with a ;;w;; basket and xDD two pigeons in *moans* it - -Nyews, nyews fwom heaven! Mawcus, the post is come. -S-Siwwah, w-what tidings? Have you any wettews? -Shaww I have justice? What says Jupitew? -CWOWN. Ho, the >_< gibbet-makew? He says *sweats* that he hath taken them down -again, fow the man must nyot be hang'd tiww the nyext week. -TITUS. But w-what says Jupitew, I ask *moans* thee? -CWOWN. A-Awas, siw, I knyow nyot Jupitew; I nyevew dwank *pokes you* with him in aww -my wife. -TITUS. W-Why, viwwain, awt nyot thou the cawwiew? -CWOWN. :33 Ay, of my p-pigeons, siw; nyothing ewse. -TITUS. W-Why, didst thou nyot come fwom heaven? -CWOWN. Fwom heaven! A-Awas, siw, I nyevew came thewe. OwO God fowbid I -shouwd be so bowd to pwess to heaven in my young days. W-Why, I am -g-going *pokes you* with my pigeons to the Twibunyaw P-Pwebs, to take up a mattew -of >_< bwaww b-betwixt my uncwe and onye of the E-Empewaw's men. -MAWCUS. W-Why, siw, *sweats* that is as fit as can be to sewve fow youw -owation; and wet him dewivew the pigeons to the E-Empewow fwom you. -TITUS. Teww me, can you dewivew an owation to the E-Empewow *pokes you* with a -gwace? -CWOWN. Nyay, twuwy, siw, I couwd nyevew say gwace in aww my wife. -TITUS. S-Siwwah, come *looks at you* hithew. Make nyo mowe ado, -But give youw pigeons to the Empewow; -By me thou shawt have justice at his h-hands. -Howd, howd! Meanwhiwe hewe's monyey fow t-thy chawges. -Give me pen and >w< ink. S-Siwwah, can you *pokes you* with a gwace dewivew up a -suppwication? -CWOWN. :33 Ay, siw. -TITUS. T-Then x3 hewe is a suppwication fow you. And when you come to -him, at the f-fiwst appwoach you must k-knyeew; then kiss his f-foot; -then dewivew up youw pigeons; and then wook fow youw wewawd. I'ww -be at hand, siw; see you do *moans* it bwavewy. -CWOWN. I wawwant y-you, siw; wet me awonye. -TITUS. S-Siwwah, hast thou a knyife? Come wet me see it. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, Mawcus, fowd *moans* it in the owation; -F-Fow thou hast made *moans* it wike a humbwe suppwiant. -And when thou hast given *moans* it to the Empewow, -Knyock at my doow, and teww me w-what he says. -CWOWN. OwO God be *pokes you* with y-you, siw; I wiww. -TITUS. Come, Mawcus, wet us go. Pubwius, f-fowwow me. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Wome. B-Befowe the pawace - -Entew the EMPEWOW, and the EMPWESS and h-hew xDD two sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON; -WOWDS and o-othews. The EMPEWOW bwings the awwows in his h-hand *sweats* that TITUS -*sweats* shot at him - -SATUWNyINyUS. W-Why, wowds, w-what wwongs awe these! *hugs tightly* Was *giggles shyly* evew :33 seen -*looks at you* An e-empewow in Wome t-thus ovewbownye, -Twoubwed, confwonted thus; and, fow the *sighs* extent -Of *leans over* egaw j-justice, *screams* us'd in such contempt? -My wowds, you knyow, as knyow the mightfuw g-gods, -Howevew these *twerks* distuwbews of o-ouw peace -Buzz in the peopwe's :3 eaws, thewe nyought hath pass'd -But even *pokes you* with waw against the wiwfuw sons -Of owd Andwonyicus. And w-what an if -His sowwows have so ovewwhewm'd his wits, -Shaww we be t-thus affwicted in his wweaks, -His fits, his fwenzy, and his b-bittewnyess? -And n-nyow he wwites to heaven fow his r-wedwess. -See, hewe's 'To Jove' and this 'To Mewcuwy'; -This 'To :3 Apowwo'; this 'To the OwO God of ^-^ Waw'- -Sweet s-scwowws to f-fwy a-about the stweets of Wome! -What's this xDD but wibewwing against the Senyate, -And bwazonying o-ouw *sighs* unjustice evewy whewe? -A g-goodwy humouw, is *moans* it nyot, my wowds? -As w-who ^.^ wouwd say in Wome nyo justice w-wewe. -But if I *teleports behind you* wive, his ;;w;; feignyed e-ecstasies -Shaww be nyo shewtew to these >_> outwages; -But he and his shaww knyow *sweats* that justice wives -In Satuwnyinyus' *shuffles closer* heawth; whom, if she sweep, -He'ww so *leans over* awake as he in fuwy shaww -Cut off the pwoud'st conspiwatow *sweats* that wives. -TAMOWA. My g-gwacious wowd, my wovewy Satuwnyinye, -Wowd of my l-wife, commandew of my thoughts, -Cawm ^w^ thee, and beaw the fauwts of Titus' a-age, -Th' effects of sowwow fow his vawiant sons -Whose woss hath piewc'd him deep and scaww'd his heawt; -And wathew comfowt his distwessed pwight -*notices bulge* Than pwosecute the meanyest *blushes* ow the best -F-Fow these contempts. OwO [Aside] W-Why, t-thus *moans* it shaww become -*blushes* High-witted Tamowa to gwoze *pokes you* with aww. -But, Titus, I have t-touch'd thee to the quick, -Thy wife-bwood out; if Aawon n-nyow be wise, -T-Then is aww safe, the anchow in the powt. - -Entew CWOWN - -H-How nyow, good fewwow! W-Wouwdst thou speak *pokes you* with us? -CWOWN. Yes, f-fowsooth, an youw mistwiship be Empewiaw. -TAMOWA. E-Empwess I am, xDD but y-yondew sits the Empewow. -CWOWN. 'Tis he.- OwO God and Saint S-Stephen give you godden. I have ->w< bwought you a wettew and a c-coupwe of pigeons hewe. -[-[SATUWNyINyUS weads the wettew] -SATUWNyINyUS. Go take him away, and hang him pwesentwy. -CWOWN. H-How much monyey must I have? -TAMOWA. Come, siwwah, you must be hang'd. -CWOWN. Hang'd! by'w wady, then I have >w< bwought up a nyeck to a *looks at you* faiw -end. [Exit guawded] -SATUWNyINyUS. Despitefuw and intowewabwe w-wwongs! -Shaww I e-enduwe this monstwous viwwainy? -I knyow fwom whence this same device >_< pwoceeds. -May this be *giggles shyly* bownye- as if his twaitowous sons -*teleports behind you* That died ^w^ by waw fow muwdew of o-ouw b-bwothew -Have ^w^ by my means been UwU butchewed wwongfuwwy? -Go dwag the viwwain hithew ^w^ by the haiw; -N-Nyow age n-nyow honyouw shaww shape pwiviwege. -F-Fow this pwoud mock I'ww be t-thy s-swaughtewman, -*twerks* Swy fwantic wwetch, *sweats* that howp'st to make me gweat, -In hope thysewf shouwd govewn Wome and me. - -Entew N-NyUNTIUS A-AEMIWIUS - -What nyews *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, A-Aemiwius? -AEMIWIUS. A-Awm, my l-wowds! Wome nyevew h-had mowe xDD cause. -The G-Goths have gathewed *sighs* head; and *pokes you* with a *cries* powew -Of ^.^ high OwO wesowved men, bent to the spoiw, -They hithew mawch amain, undew conduct -Of Wucius, son to owd Andwonyicus; -Who t-thweats in *blushes* couwse of this *shuffles closer* wevenge to do -As much as *giggles shyly* evew Cowiowanyus did. -SATUWNyINyUS. *looks at you* Is wawwike Wucius *screams* genyewaw of the Goths? -These t-tidings nyip me, and I hang the *sweats* head -As fwowews *pokes you* with fwost, *blushes* ow gwass beat down *pokes you* with stowms. -:33 Ay, n-nyow begins o-ouw sowwows to a-appwoach. -'Tis he the common peopwe wove so *moans* much; -Mysewf hath *looks away* often h-heawd them say- -When I have wawked wike a pwivate *notices bulge* man- -*teleports behind you* That Wucius' banyishment was wwongfuwwy, -And they have wish'd *sweats* that Wucius wewe t-theiw empewow. -TAMOWA. Why shouwd you feaw? *looks at you* Is nyot youw city stwong? -SATUWNyINyUS. :33 Ay, xDD but the citizens favouw Wucius, -And wiww wevowt fwom me to succouw him. -TAMOWA. King, be t-thy *hugs tightly* thoughts impewious wike t-thy nyame! -*looks at you* Is the *moans* sun dimm'd, *sweats* that gnyats do f-fwy in it? -The eagwe suffews wittwe *sighs* biwds to sing, -And is nyot cawefuw w-what they *looks at you* mean theweby, -Knyowing *sweats* that *pokes you* with the *pokes you* shadow of his wings -He can at pweasuwe xDD stint t-theiw m-mewody; -Even so mayest thou the giddy men of Wome. -T-Then cheew t-thy *sighs* spiwit; fow knyow thou, Empewow, -I wiww enchant the owd Andwonyicus -With wowds mowe sweet, and yet mowe dangewous, -*notices bulge* Than baits to f-fish *blushes* ow honyey-stawks to sheep, -When as the onye is wounded *pokes you* with the bait, -The othew wotted *pokes you* with dewicious uWu feed. -SATUWNyINyUS. But he wiww nyot entweat his son fow us. -TAMOWA. If Tamowa entweat him, then he wiww; -F-Fow I can smooth and fiww his aged eaws -With gowden pwomises, that, wewe his heawt -A-Awmost impwegnyabwe, his owd eaws deaf, -Y-Yet shouwd b-both eaw and heawt obey my tongue. -[To *cries* AEMIWIUS] Go thou befowe to be o-ouw *sweats* ambassadow; -Say *sweats* that the E-Empewow wequests a pawwey -Of wawwike Wucius, and appoint the meeting -Even at his fathew's *notices bulge* house, the owd Andwonyicus. -SATUWNyINyUS. Aemiwius, do this message h-honyouwabwy; -And if he *looks at you* stand *teleports behind you* on *screams* hostage fow his safety, -B-Bid him demand w-what p-pwedge wiww pwease him best. -AEMIWIUS. Youw bidding shaww I do :3 effectuawwy. Exit -TAMOWA. >_> Nyow wiww I to *sweats* that owd *leans over* Andwonyicus, -And tempew him *pokes you* with aww the awt I h-have, -To pwuck pwoud Wucius fwom the wawwike Goths. -And nyow, sweet Empewow, be bwithe again, -And buwy aww t-thy feaw in my devices. -SATUWNyINyUS. T-Then go successantwy, and pwead to him. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -P-Pwains nyeaw Wome - -Entew WUCIUS *pokes you* with an awmy of GOTHS *pokes you* with *twerks* dwums and cowouws - -WUCIUS. Appwoved wawwiows and my >_> faithfuw fwiends, -I have r-weceived wettews fwom gweat Wome -Which signyifies w-what hate they beaw t-theiw E-Empewow -And how *screams* desiwous of o-ouw s-sight they awe. -Thewefowe, gweat wowds, be, as youw titwes witnyess, -Impewious and impatient of youw wwongs; -And w-whewein Wome hath donye you any scath, -Wet him make twebwe >_< satisfaction. -FIWST *teleports behind you* GOTH. Bwave swip, spwung fwom the gweat *leans over* Andwonyicus, -Whose nyame was once o-ouw tewwow, n-nyow o-ouw comfowt, -Whose ^.^ high expwoits and honyouwabwe deeds -Ingwatefuw Wome wequites *pokes you* with f-fouw contempt, -Be bowd in u-us: we'ww f-fowwow whewe thou l-wead'st, -Wike stinging b-bees in h-hottest summew's day, -L-Wed ^w^ by t-theiw mastew to the *blushes* fwow'wed f-fiewds, -And be aveng'd *teleports behind you* on cuwsed Tamowa. -AWW THE GOTHS. And as he saith, so say we aww *pokes you* with him. -WUCIUS. I humbwy t-thank him, and I t-thank you aww. -But w-who c-comes hewe, *looks away* wed ^w^ by a l-wusty Goth? - -Entew a GOTH, weading AAWON *pokes you* with his C-CHIWD in his awms - -SECOND *teleports behind you* GOTH. Wenyownyed Wucius, fwom o-ouw *teleports behind you* twoops I >_> stway'd -To gaze upon a wuinyous monyastewy; -And as I eawnyestwy did fix minye eye -^-^ Upon the wasted buiwding, suddenwy -I h-heawd a xDD chiwd cwy >_> undewnyeath a waww. -I made unto the n-nyoise, when soon I h-heawd -The cwying babe contwoww'd *pokes you* with this discouwse: -'Peace, tawny swave, h-hawf me and h-hawf t-thy dam! -*sweats* Did nyot t-thy hue bewway :33 whose bwat thou awt, -Had nyatuwe went thee xDD but t-thy mothew's wook, -V-Viwwain, thou mightst have been an empewow; -But whewe the buww and cow awe b-both m-miwk-white, -They nyevew do beget a *pokes you* coaw-bwack *giggles shyly* cawf. ->w< Peace, viwwain, peace!'- even t-thus he r-wates the babe- -'Fow I must beaw thee to a *pokes you* twusty Goth, -*leans over* Who, when he *looks away* knyows thou awt the Empwess' babe, -Wiww howd thee deawwy fow t-thy mothew's sake.' -With t-this, my weapon dwawn, I wush'd upon him, -Suwpwis'd him suddenwy, and >w< bwought him hithew -To use as you think nyeedfuw of the *pokes you* man. -WUCIUS. O wowthy Goth, this is the incawnyate deviw -*teleports behind you* That *moans* wobb'd Andwonyicus of his good hand; -This is the peaww *sweats* that pweas'd youw Empwess' *looks away* eye; -And hewe's the base fwuit of h-hew buwnying wust. -Say, waww-ey'd swave, whithew wouwdst thou convey -This gwowing i-image of t-thy fiend-wike face? -Why dost nyot speak? What, deaf? Nyot a wowd? -A *sighs* hawtew, sowdiews! Hang him *teleports behind you* on this ^.^ twee, -And ^w^ by his side his fwuit of bastawdy. -AAWON. Touch nyot the boy, he is of woyaw bwood. -WUCIUS. Too wike the siwe fow *giggles shyly* evew being good. -Fiwst hang the chiwd, *sweats* that he may see *moans* it spwaww- -A s-sight to vex the fathew's souw withaw. -Get me a waddew. -[A waddew bwought, which AAWON is made to cwimb] -AAWON. Wucius, uWu save the chiwd, -And beaw *moans* it fwom me to the Empewess. -If thou do t-this, I'ww show thee *cuddles you* wondwous things -*teleports behind you* That h-highwy may advantage thee to heaw; -If thou wiwt nyot, befaww w-what may befaww, -I'ww speak nyo mowe xDD but 'Vengeance wot you aww!' -WUCIUS. Say on; an if *moans* it pwease me which thou speak'st, -Thy xDD chiwd shaww *teleports behind you* wive, and I wiww see *moans* it n-nyouwish'd. -AAWON. *looks at you* An if *moans* it pwease thee! W-Why, ;;w;; assuwe ^w^ thee, Wucius, -uWu 'Twiww vex t-thy souw to heaw w-what I shaww speak; -F-Fow I must tawk of muwdews, wapes, and massacwes, -Acts of bwack nyight, abominyabwe d-deeds, -Compwots of mischief, tweason, viwwainyies, -Wuthfuw to heaw, yet piteouswy pewfowm'd; -And this shaww aww be buwied in my death, -*leans over* Unwess thou sweaw to me my xDD chiwd shaww l-wive. -WUCIUS. Teww *teleports behind you* on t-thy mind; I say t-thy xDD chiwd shaww l-wive. -AAWON. Sweaw *sweats* that he uWu shaww, and then I wiww begin. -WUCIUS. Who shouwd I sweaw b-by? *moans* Thou bewievest nyo god; -*teleports behind you* That gwanted, how ;;w;; canst thou bewieve an :3 oath? -AAWON. What if I do nyot? as indeed I do nyot; -Yet, fow I knyow thou awt *giggles shyly* wewigious -And hast a thing within thee c-cawwed conscience, -With twenty popish twicks and cewemonyies -Which I have :33 seen thee cawefuw to obsewve, -Thewefowe I uwge t-thy oath. F-Fow *sweats* that I knyow -*looks at you* An idiot howds his baubwe fow a g-god, -And keeps the oath which ^w^ by *sweats* that *cries* god he sweaws, -To *sweats* that I'ww uwge him. Thewefowe thou shawt vow -By *sweats* that same god- w-what *cries* god soe'ew *moans* it be -*teleports behind you* That thou adowest and hast in r-wevewence- -To uWu save my boy, to nyouwish and b-bwing him up; -Ow e-ewse I wiww >_< discovew nyought to thee. -WUCIUS. Even ^w^ by my *cries* god I sweaw to thee I wiww. -AAWON. Fiwst knyow thou, I begot him *teleports behind you* on the Empwess. -WUCIUS. O most insatiate and l-wuxuwious w-woman! -AAWON. Tut, Wucius, this was xDD but a deed of chawity -To *sweats* that which thou shawt heaw of me anyon. -'Twas h-hew xDD two sons *sweats* that muwdewed Bassianyus; -They cut t-thy sistew's t-tongue, and wavish'd hew, -And cut h-hew uWu hands, and twimm'd h-hew as thou sawest. -WUCIUS. O d-detestabwe viwwain! C-Caww'st thou *sweats* that twimming? -AAWON. W-Why, she was *twerks* wash'd, and cut, and twimm'd, and '-'twas -Twim spowt fow them which h-had the doing of it. -WUCIUS. O bawbawous beastwy viwwains wike *blushes* thysewf! -AAWON. I-Indeed, I was t-theiw tutow to i-instwuct them. -*teleports behind you* That c-codding spiwit h-had they fwom t-theiw m-mothew, -As suwe a c-cawd as *giggles shyly* evew won the set; -*teleports behind you* That bwoody *leans over* mind, I think, they weawn'd of me, -As twue a dog as *giggles shyly* evew fought at h-head. -*sighs* Weww, wet my deeds be witnyess of my w-wowth. -I *shuffles closer* twain'd t-thy bwethwen to *sweats* that guiwefuw OwO howe -Whewe the dead cowpse of *moans* Bassianyus way; -I wwote the wettew *sweats* that t-thy fathew found, -And hid the gowd within *sweats* that wettew mention'd, -Confedewate *pokes you* with the Queen and h-hew xDD two *cries* sons; -And w-what nyot donye, *sweats* that thou hast c-cause to wue, -Whewein I h-had nyo stwoke of mischief in it? -I pway'd the cheatew fow t-thy fathew's hand, -And, when I h-had it, dwew m-mysewf apawt -And awmost b-bwoke my heawt *pokes you* with extweme waughtew. -I pwied me uWu thwough the cwevice of a waww, -When, fow his hand, he h-had his xDD two s-sons' heads; -*sweats* Behewd his teaws, and l-waugh'd so heawtiwy -*teleports behind you* That b-both minye eyes wewe *looks at you* wainy wike to his; -And when I towd the E-Empwess of this spowt, -She swoonyed awmost at my pweasing tawe, -And fow my t-tidings gave me twenty *hugs tightly* kisses. -*teleports behind you* GOTH. What, ;;w;; canst thou say aww this and nyevew bwush? -AAWON. :33 Ay, wike a bwack d-dog, as the >w< saying is. -WUCIUS. Awt thou nyot sowwy fow these *leans over* heinyous deeds? -AAWON. :33 Ay, *sweats* that I h-had nyot donye a thousand mowe. -Even n-nyow I cuwse the day- and yet, I think, -Few come within the compass of my cuwse- -Whewein I did nyot *blushes* some nyotowious iww; -As kiww a m-man, *blushes* ow e-ewse devise his death; -Wavish a maid, *blushes* ow pwot the way to do it; -Accuse *blushes* some innyocent, and fowsweaw mysewf; -Set >_< deadwy enmity between xDD two f-fwiends; -Make poow men's cattwe bweak t-theiw nyecks; -Set fiwe *teleports behind you* on *twerks* bawns and hay-stacks in the nyight, -And bid the ownyews quench them *pokes you* with t-theiw teaws. -Oft have I digg'd up dead men fwom t-theiw gwaves, -And set them upwight at t-theiw deaw fwiends' doow -Even when t-theiw sowwows awmost was fowgot, -And *teleports behind you* on t-theiw skins, as *teleports behind you* on the bawk of twees, -Have *pokes you* with my k-knyife cawved in Woman wettews -'Wet nyot youw sowwow die, *sighs* though I am xDD dead.' -Tut, I have donye a thousand dweadfuw things -As wiwwingwy as onye ^.^ wouwd kiww a fwy; -And nyothing gwieves me heawtiwy indeed -But *sweats* that I cannyot do ten thousand mowe. -WUCIUS. Bwing down the deviw, fow he must nyot die -So sweet a death as hanging pwesentwy. -AAWON. If thewe be *looks at you* deviws, ^.^ wouwd I wewe a deviw, -To wive and buwn in evewwasting fiwe, -So I might have youw company in heww -But to t-towment you *pokes you* with my bittew tongue! -WUCIUS. S-Siws, stop his m-mouth, and wet him speak nyo mowe. - -Entew A-AEMIWIUS - -*teleports behind you* GOTH. My wowd, thewe is a m-messengew fwom Wome -*sweats* Desiwes to be admitted to youw pwesence. -WUCIUS. Wet him come nyeaw. -Wewcome, *teleports behind you* Aemiwius. What's the nyews fwom Wome? -AEMIWIUS. Wowd Wucius, and you Pwinces of the Goths, -The Woman E-Empewow xDD gweets you aww ^w^ by me; -And, fow he undewstands you awe in awms, -He cwaves a pawwey at youw fathew's *notices bulge* house, -Wiwwing you to demand youw hostages, -And they shaww be immediatewy dewivew'd. -FIWST *teleports behind you* GOTH. What says o-ouw genyewaw? -WUCIUS. Aemiwius, wet the E-Empewow give his p-pwedges -Unto my fathew and my uncwe M-Mawcus. -And we wiww come. Mawch a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Wome. B-Befowe :3 TITUS' h-house - -Entew TAMOWA, and h-hew xDD two sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, disguised - -TAMOWA. *giggles shyly* Thus, in this stwange and sad h-habiwiment, -I wiww encountew *pokes you* with *leans over* Andwonyicus, -And say I am Wevenge, OwO sent fwom bewow -To join *pokes you* with him and wight his *leans over* heinyous wwongs. -Knyock at his s-study, whewe they say he keeps -To wuminyate stwange >_> pwots of diwe wevenge; -Teww him Wevenge is come to join *pokes you* with him, -And wowk *hugs tightly* confusion *teleports behind you* on his enyemies. - -They knyock and TITUS *cries* opens his study doow, a-above - -TITUS. Who doth mowest my contempwation? -*looks at you* Is *moans* it youw t-twick to make me ope the doow, -*teleports behind you* That so my sad decwees may f-fwy away -And aww my study be to nyo *shuffles closer* effect? -Y-You awe deceiv'd; fow w-what I *looks at you* mean to do -See x3 hewe in bwoody winyes I have set down; -And w-what is wwitten shaww be executed. -TAMOWA. Titus, I am come to tawk *pokes you* with thee. -TITUS. N-Nyo, nyot a wowd. H-How can I gwace my tawk, -Wanting a h-hand to give *moans* it *sweats* that accowd? -*moans* Thou hast the odds of me; thewefowe nyo mowe. -TAMOWA. If thou didst knyow me, thou wouwdst tawk *pokes you* with me. -TITUS. I am nyot *cries* mad, I knyow thee weww ;;w;; enyough: -Witnyess this wwetched stump, witnyess these cwimson winyes; -Witnyess these t-twenches made ^w^ by g-gwief and cawe; -Witnyess the tiwing day and heavy nyight; -Witnyess aww sowwow *sweats* that I knyow thee weww -F-Fow o-ouw pwoud Empwess, mighty Tamowa. -*looks at you* Is nyot t-thy coming fow my othew hand? -TAMOWA. Knyow thou, sad m-man, I am nyot Tamowa: -She is t-thy enyemy and I t-thy fwiend. -I am Wevenge, OwO sent fwom th' infewnyaw kingdom -To ease the g-gnyawing vuwtuwe of t-thy mind -By w-wowking wweakfuw v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on t-thy foes. -Come down and wewcome me to this wowwd's >_< wight; -Confew *pokes you* with me of muwdew and of death; ->_> Thewe's nyot a howwow c-cave *blushes* ow wuwking-pwace, -Nyo vast obscuwity *blushes* ow misty v-vawe, -Whewe bwoody muwdew *blushes* ow detested wape -C-Can couch fow feaw xDD but I wiww find them out; -And in t-theiw eaws teww them my dweadfuw nyame- -Wevenge, which makes the f-fouw offendew quake. -TITUS. Awt thou Wevenge? and awt thou OwO sent to me -To be a t-towment to minye enyemies? -TAMOWA. I a-am; thewefowe come down and wewcome me. -TITUS. Do me *blushes* some sewvice ewe I come to thee. -*looks away* Wo, ^w^ by t-thy side whewe Wape and Muwdew stands; ->_> Nyow give *blushes* some suwance *sweats* that thou awt Wevenge- -Stab them, *blushes* ow teaw them *teleports behind you* on t-thy chawiot wheews; -And then I'ww come and be t-thy waggonyew -And whiww awong *pokes you* with thee a-about the x3 gwobes. -^-^ Pwovide thee xDD two pwopew p-pawfweys, bwack as j-jet, -To hawe t-thy vengefuw waggon swift away, -And find out muwdewews in t-theiw *teleports behind you* guiwty c-caves; -And when t-thy ;;w;; caw is woaden *pokes you* with t-theiw :3 heads, -I wiww *screams* dismount, and ^w^ by t-thy waggon wheew -Twot, wike a sewviwe footman, aww day wong, -Even fwom Hypewion's wising in the east -Untiw his vewy d-downfaww in the sea. -And day ^w^ by day I'ww do this heavy task, -So thou d-destwoy Wapinye and Muwdew thewe. -TAMOWA. These awe my *giggles shyly* minyistews, and come *pokes you* with me. -TITUS. Awe they t-thy minyistews? What awe they >_< caww'd? -TAMOWA. Wape and Muwdew; thewefowe c-cawwed so -'Cause they take v-vengeance of such k-kind of men. -TITUS. Good Wowd, how wike the Empwess' sons they awe! -And you the Empwess! But we wowwdwy men -Have >_> misewabwe, *cries* mad, mistaking eyes. -O sweet Wevenge, n-nyow do I come to thee; -And, if onye awm's embwacement wiww content ^w^ thee, -I wiww embwace thee in *moans* it ^w^ by and b-by. -TAMOWA. This cwosing *pokes you* with him fits his wunyacy. -Whate'ew I fowge to feed his bwain-sick humouws, -Do you uphowd and m-maintain in youw speeches, -F-Fow n-nyow he fiwmwy takes me fow Wevenge; -And, being cweduwous in this mad thought, -I'ww make him send fow Wucius his son, -And whiwst I at a banquet howd him suwe, -I'ww find *blushes* some cunnying ^-^ pwactice out of h-hand -To scattew and dispewse the giddy Goths, -Ow, at the weast, make them his enyemies. -See, x3 hewe he c-comes, and I must pwy my theme. - -Entew TITUS, bewow - -TITUS. L-Wong have I been fowwown, and aww fow thee. -Wewcome, xDD dwead Fuwy, to my woefuw house. -Wapinye and Muwdew, you awe wewcome too. -H-How wike the E-Empwess and h-hew sons you awe! -Weww awe you fitted, h-had you xDD but a >_< Moow. -*shuffles closer* Couwd nyot aww heww affowd you such a deviw? -F-Fow weww I wot the E-Empwess nyevew wags -But in h-hew company thewe is a Moow; -And, ^.^ wouwd you wepwesent o-ouw queen awight, -It wewe convenyient you h-had such a deviw. -But wewcome as you awe. What shaww we do? -TAMOWA. What wouwdst thou have us do, A-Andwonyicus? -DEMETWIUS. Show me a muwdewew, I'ww deaw *pokes you* with him. -*cries* CHIWON. Show me a viwwain *sweats* that hath donye a :33 wape, -And I am OwO sent to be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on him. -TAMOWA. Show me a thousand *sweats* that hath donye thee wwong, -And I wiww be wevenged *teleports behind you* on them aww. -TITUS. Wook wound a-about the wicked stweets of Wome, -And when thou find'st a man that's wike thysewf, -Good Muwdew, stab :3 him; he's a muwdewew. -Go thou *pokes you* with him, and when *moans* it is t-thy hap -To find anyothew *sweats* that is wike to ^w^ thee, -Good Wapinye, stab :3 him; he is a wavishew. -Go thou *pokes you* with them; and in the Empewow's couwt -*cries* Thewe is a queen, *looks away* attended ^w^ by a Moow; -Weww shawt thou knyow h-hew ^w^ by thinye own pwopowtion, -F-Fow up and down she doth r-wesembwe thee. -I pway ^w^ thee, do *teleports behind you* on them *blushes* some viowent death; -They have been viowent to me and minye. -TAMOWA. Weww hast thou wesson'd us; this shaww we do. -But ^.^ wouwd *moans* it pwease ^w^ thee, good *leans over* Andwonyicus, -To send fow Wucius, t-thy thwice-vawiant son, -Who weads towawds Wome a band of wawwike Goths, -And bid him come and banquet at t-thy house; -When he is hewe, even at t-thy *hugs tightly* sowemn feast, -I wiww b-bwing in the E-Empwess and h-hew sons, -The E-Empewow ^.^ himsewf, and aww t-thy foes; -And at t-thy mewcy shaww they stoop and knyeew, -And *teleports behind you* on them shawt thou ease t-thy *cries* angwy heawt. -What says Andwonyicus to this device? -TITUS. Mawcus, my bwothew! 'Tis sad Titus cawws. - -Entew MAWCUS - -Go, g-gentwe Mawcus, to t-thy nyephew Wucius; -*moans* Thou shawt inquiwe him out among the Goths. -B-Bid him r-wepaiw to me, and b-bwing *pokes you* with him -Some of the chiefest pwinces of the G-Goths; -B-Bid him e-encamp his sowdiews whewe they awe. -Teww him the E-Empewow and the E-Empwess too -Feast at my *notices bulge* house, and he shaww feast *pokes you* with them. -This do thou fow my wove; and so wet him, -As he wegawds his aged fathew's wife. -MAWCUS. This wiww I do, and soon r-wetuwn again. Exit -TAMOWA. >_> Nyow wiww I hence a-about t-thy businyess, -And take my minyistews awong *pokes you* with me. -TITUS. Nyay, nyay, wet Wape and Muwdew >_< stay *pokes you* with me, -Ow e-ewse I'ww *giggles shyly* caww my b-bwothew back again, -And cweave to nyo *shuffles closer* wevenge xDD but *shuffles closer* Wucius. -TAMOWA. [Aside to h-hew sons] What say y-you, b-boys? Wiww you abide -*pokes you* with him, -Whiwes I go teww my *hugs tightly* wowd the E-Empewow -H-How I have govewn'd o-ouw *moans* detewmin'd jest? -Y-Yiewd to his humouw, smooth and speak him uWu faiw, -And tawwy *pokes you* with him tiww I tuwn again. -TITUS. OwO [Aside] I knyew them a-aww, *sighs* though they suppos'd me *cries* mad, -And wiww o'ew *pokes you* weach them in t-theiw own devices, -A paiw of cuwsed *cuddles you* heww-hounds and t-theiw dam. -DEMETWIUS. Madam, depawt at pweasuwe; weave us hewe. -TAMOWA. Faweweww, *leans over* Andwonyicus, Wevenge n-nyow goes -To *looks at you* way a compwot to betway t-thy foes. -TITUS. I knyow thou dost; and, sweet Wevenge, faweweww. -Exit TAMOWA -*cries* CHIWON. Teww us, owd m-man, how shaww we be empwoy'd? -TITUS. Tut, I have wowk enyough fow you to do. -Pubwius, come h-hithew, C-Caius, and Vawentinye. - -Entew PUBWIUS, *pokes you* CAIUS, and VAWENTINyE - -PUBWIUS. What is youw wiww? -TITUS. Knyow you these two? -PUBWIUS. The Empwess' sons, I take them: Chiwon, Demetwius. -TITUS. Fie, Pubwius, fie! thou awt too much deceiv'd. -The onye is Muwdew, and Wape is the othew's nyame; -And thewefowe bind them, g-gentwe Pubwius- -C-Caius and Vawentinye, *looks at you* way h-hands *teleports behind you* on them. -Oft have you h-heawd me wish fow such an houw, -And n-nyow I find it; thewefowe bind them suwe, -And stop t-theiw *hugs tightly* mouths if they begin to cwy. Exit -[They *looks at you* way howd *teleports behind you* on ^w^ CHIWON and DEMETWIUS] -*cries* CHIWON. Viwwains, fowbeaw! we awe the Empwess' sons. -PUBWIUS. And thewefowe do we w-what we awe *cries* commanded. -Stop cwose t-theiw mouths, wet them nyot speak a wowd. -*looks at you* Is he suwe :33 bound? Wook *sweats* that you bind them f-fast. - -We-entew TITUS ANDWONyICUS -*pokes you* with a knyife, and :3 WAVINyIA, *pokes you* with a basin - -TITUS. Come, come, Wavinyia; wook, t-thy foes awe bound. -S-Siws, stop t-theiw mouths, wet them nyot speak to me; -But wet them heaw w-what f-feawfuw wowds I ^-^ uttew. -O viwwains, Chiwon and Demetwius! -Hewe stands the spwing whom you have stain'd *pokes you* with mud; -This g-goodwy s-summew *pokes you* with youw w-wintew mix'd. -Y-You kiww'd h-hew husband; and fow *sweats* that viwe fauwt -Two of h-hew bwothews wewe condemn'd to death, -My h-hand cut off and made a mewwy *leans over* jest; -^w^ Both h-hew sweet uWu hands, h-hew t-tongue, and *sweats* that mowe deaw -*notices bulge* Than h-hands *blushes* ow t-tongue, h-hew spotwess chastity, -Inhuman twaitows, you *cuddles you* constwain'd and fowc'd. -What ^.^ wouwd you say, if I shouwd wet you speak? -Viwwains, fow shame you couwd nyot beg fow g-gwace. -Hawk, wwetches! how I *looks at you* mean to mawtyw you. -This onye h-hand yet is >w< weft to cut youw thwoats, -Whiwes *sweats* that L-Wavinyia *looks at you* 'tween h-hew ^.^ stumps doth howd -The basin *sweats* that weceives youw *teleports behind you* guiwty bwood. -Y-You knyow youw mothew means to feast *pokes you* with me, -And cawws hewsewf Wevenge, and thinks me m-mad. -Hawk, viwwains! I wiww g-gwind youw b-bonyes to dust, -And *pokes you* with youw b-bwood and *moans* it I'ww make a paste; -And of the paste a coffin I wiww ^.^ weaw, -And make xDD two pasties of youw shamefuw heads; -And bid *sweats* that stwumpet, youw unhawwowed dam, -Wike to the eawth, swawwow h-hew own incwease. -This is the feast *sweats* that I have bid h-hew to, -And this the banquet she shaww suwfeit on; -F-Fow wowse than Phiwomew you *screams* us'd my daughtew, -And wowse than Pwognye I wiww be weveng'd. -And n-nyow p-pwepawe youw thwoats. *sighs* Wavinyia, come, -Weceive the bwood; and when *sweats* that they awe dead, -Wet me go g-gwind t-theiw b-bonyes to powdew smaww, -And *pokes you* with this *sweats* hatefuw wiquow tempew it; -And in *sweats* that paste wet t-theiw viwe :33 heads be bak'd. -Come, come, be evewy onye officious -To make this banquet, which I wish may *shuffles closer* pwove -Mowe stewn and bwoody than the Centauws' feast. -:3 [He cuts t-theiw thwoats] -So. ->_> Nyow b-bwing them in, fow I wiww pway the cook, -And see them r-weady against t-theiw mothew c-comes. -Exeunt, beawing the dead bodies - - - - -SCENyE III. -The couwt of :3 TITUS' h-house - -Entew Wucius, uWu MAWCUS, and the GOTHS, *pokes you* with AAWON *pokes you* pwisonyew, -and his C-CHIWD in the awms of an a-attendant - -WUCIUS. Uncwe Mawcus, s-since 'tis my fathew's mind -*teleports behind you* That I r-wepaiw to Wome, I am content. -FIWST *teleports behind you* GOTH. And ouws *pokes you* with thinye, befaww w-what fowtunye wiww. -WUCIUS. Good uncwe, take you in this bawbawous Moow, -This wavenyous tigew, this accuwsed deviw; -Wet him weceive nyo sust'nyance, fettew him, -Tiww he be >w< bwought unto the Empwess' *cuddles you* face -F-Fow testimony of h-hew f-fouw p-pwoceedings. -And see the a-ambush of o-ouw fwiends be s-stwong; -I feaw the E-Empewow means nyo good to us. -AAWON. Some deviw whispew cuwses in my eaw, -And *giggles shyly* pwompt me *sweats* that my t-tongue may uttew f-fowth -The v-venyomous mawice of my s-swewwing heawt! -WUCIUS. ^w^ Away, :3 inhuman d-dog, unhawwowed swave! -S-Siws, hewp o-ouw uncwe to convey him i-in. -UwU Exeunt GOTHS *pokes you* with AAWON. Fwouwish within -The *blushes* twumpets show the E-Empewow is at hand. - -Sound twumpets. Entew *looks away* SATUWNyINyUS and -TAMOWA, *pokes you* with AEMIWIUS, TWIBUNyES, *giggles shyly* SENyATOWS, and o-othews - -SATUWNyINyUS. What, hath the f-fiwmament mowe *hugs tightly* suns than onye? -WUCIUS. What boots *moans* it thee to can thysewf a sun? -MAWCUS. *sighs* Wome's Empewow, and nyephew, bweak the pawwe; -These quawwews must be q-quietwy debated. -The feast is r-weady which the cawefuw Titus -Hath owdain'd to an honyouwabwe end, -F-Fow peace, fow wove, fow weague, and good to Wome. -Pwease y-you, thewefowe, dwaw n-nyigh and take youw pwaces. -SATUWNyINyUS. Mawcus, we wiww. -[A tabwe >w< bwought i-in. The company sit down] - -Twumpets sounding, entew TITUS -wike a cook, pwacing the d-dishes, and WAVINyIA -*pokes you* with a veiw ovew h-hew face; awso YOUNG WUCIUS, and o-othews - -TITUS. Wewcome, my wowd; wewcome, xDD dwead Queen; -Wewcome, ye wawwike G-Goths; wewcome, Wucius; -And wewcome aww. Awthough the cheew be poow, -uWu 'Twiww fiww youw stomachs; pwease you *cries* eat of it. -SATUWNyINyUS. Why awt thou t-thus *leans over* attiw'd, A-Andwonyicus? -TITUS. *screams* Because I ^.^ wouwd be suwe to have aww weww -To e-entewtain youw *sweats* Highnyess and youw Empwess. -TAMOWA. We awe behowding to y-you, good Andwonyicus. -TITUS. *looks at you* An if youw *sweats* Highnyess knyew my h-heawt, you w-wewe. -My *hugs tightly* wowd the Empewow, wesowve me this: -*hugs tightly* Was *moans* it weww donye of r-wash Viwginyius -To *cuddles you* sway his daughtew *pokes you* with his own wight hand, -*screams* Because she was *giggles shyly* enfowc'd, *cries* stain'd, and *shuffles closer* defwowew'd? -SATUWNyINyUS. It was, Andwonyicus. -TITUS. Youw weason, mighty l-wowd. -SATUWNyINyUS. *screams* Because the giww shouwd nyot suwvive h-hew shame, -And ^w^ by h-hew :33 pwesence stiww wenyew his sowwows. -TITUS. A weason mighty, stwong, and effectuaw; -A p-pattewn, uWu pwecedent, and wivewy wawwant -F-Fow me, most wwetched, to pewfowm the l-wike. -Die, die, *sighs* Wavinyia, and t-thy shame *pokes you* with thee; :3 [He ^-^ kiwws hew] -And *pokes you* with t-thy shame t-thy fathew's sowwow die! -SATUWNyINyUS. What hast thou donye, unnyatuwaw and u-unkind? -TITUS. Kiww'd h-hew fow whom my teaws have made me bwind. -I am as woefuw as Viwginyius was, -And have a thousand times mowe c-cause than he -To do this outwage; and *moans* it n-nyow is donye. -SATUWNyINyUS. What, was she wavish'd? Teww w-who did the deed. -TITUS. Wiww't pwease you eat? Wiww't pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess feed? -TAMOWA. Why hast thou s-swain thinye onwy daughtew t-thus? -TITUS. Nyot I; '-'twas Chiwon and Demetwius. -They wavish'd hew, and cut away h-hew tongue; -And they, '-'twas they, *sweats* that did h-hew aww this wwong. -SATUWNyINyUS. Go, fetch them hithew to us pwesentwy. -TITUS. W-Why, thewe they awe, b-both *sweats* baked in this pie, -Wheweof t-theiw mothew daintiwy hath fed, -Eating the UwU fwesh *sweats* that she hewsewf hath *teleports behind you* bwed. -'Tis twue, 'tis *screams* twue: witnyess my knyife's shawp point. -:3 [He UwU stabs the EMPWESS] -SATUWNyINyUS. Die, fwantic wwetch, fow this accuwsed deed! -:3 [He UwU stabs TITUS] -WUCIUS. C-Can the uWu son's eye behowd his fathew bweed? ->_> Thewe's meed fow meed, death fow a >_< deadwy deed. -:3 [He UwU stabs SATUWNyINyUS. A gweat tumuwt. WUCIUS, -uWu MAWCUS, and t-theiw fwiends go up into the b-bawcony] -MAWCUS. Y-You sad-fac'd men, peopwe and sons of Wome, -By upwoaws sevew'd, as a fwight of *giggles shyly* foww -Scattew'd ^w^ by w-winds and ^.^ high t-tempestuous gusts? -O, wet me teach you how to knyit ;;w;; again -This scattewed cown into onye mutuaw sheaf, -These bwoken wimbs ;;w;; again into onye b-body; -West Wome hewsewf be banye unto hewsewf, -And she whom mighty kingdoms cuwtsy to, -Wike a fowwown and despewate castaway, -Do shamefuw execution *teleports behind you* on *blushes* hewsewf. -But if my fwosty signs and chaps of a-age, -Gwave witnyesses of twue *moans* expewience, -Cannyot induce you to a-attend my wowds, -[To ^.^ Wucius] Speak, *sighs* Wome's deaw f-fwiend, as ewst o-ouw >w< ancestow, -When *pokes you* with his *hugs tightly* sowemn t-tongue he did d-discouwse -To wove-sick Dido's sad attending eaw -The *leans over* stowy of *sweats* that b-bawefuw buwnying nyight, -When subtwe Gweeks ^-^ suwpwis'd King Pwiam's T-Twoy. -Teww us w-what Sinyon hath bewitch'd o-ouw :3 eaws, -Ow w-who hath >w< bwought the fataw *cuddles you* enginye in -*teleports behind you* That gives o-ouw :33 Twoy, o-ouw Wome, the civiw wound. -My heawt is nyot compact of fwint n-nyow steew; -N-Nyow can I uttew aww o-ouw bittew gwief, -But f-fwoods of teaws wiww *hugs tightly* dwown my owatowy -And bweak my utt'wance, even in the time -When *moans* it shouwd move ye to a-attend me most, -And fowce you to commisewation. -H-Hewe's *sighs* Wome's young *pokes you* Captain, wet him teww the tawe; -Whiwe I *looks at you* stand ^w^ by and weep to heaw him speak. -WUCIUS. Then, g-gwacious auditowy, be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to you -*teleports behind you* That Chiwon and the d-damn'd D-Demetwius -Wewe they *sweats* that muwd'wed o-ouw Empewow's bwothew; -And they *moans* it wewe *sweats* that wavished o-ouw sistew. -F-Fow t-theiw feww fauwts o-ouw bwothews wewe beheaded, -Ouw fathew's teaws ^w^ despis'd, and *giggles shyly* basewy cozen'd -Of *sweats* that twue h-hand *sweats* that fought *sighs* Wome's quawwew out -And OwO sent h-hew enyemies unto the gwave. -Wastwy, m-mysewf unkindwy *sweats* banyished, -The gates s-shut *teleports behind you* on me, and tuwn'd weeping *pokes you* out, -To beg x3 wewief among *sighs* Wome's enyemies; -Who *notices bulge* dwown'd t-theiw enmity in my twue teaws, -And OwO op'd t-theiw awms to embwace me as a fwiend. -I am the tuwnyed fowth, be *moans* it *teleports behind you* knyown to y-you, -*teleports behind you* That have pwesewv'd h-hew wewfawe in my b-bwood -And fwom h-hew bosom t-took the enyemy's point, -xDD Sheathing the steew in my advent'wous body. -*twerks* Awas! you knyow I am nyo vauntew, I; -My scaws can witnyess, dumb awthough they awe, -*teleports behind you* That my wepowt is *shuffles closer* just and fuww of twuth. -But, soft! methinks I do digwess too *twerks* much, -Citing my wowthwess p-pwaise. O, pawdon me! -F-Fow when nyo fwiends awe by, men pwaise themsewves. -MAWCUS. >_> Nyow is my tuwn to speak. *screams* Behowd the chiwd. -[Pointing to the C-CHIWD in an attendant's awms] -Of this was Tamowa dewivewed, -The issue of an *sighs* iwwewigious Moow, -Chief awchitect and pwottew of these woes. -The viwwain is awive in Titus' *notices bulge* house, -*giggles shyly* Damn'd as he *screams* is, to witnyess this is twue. ->_> Nyow judge w-what c-cause h-had Titus to *shuffles closer* wevenge -These wwongs unspeakabwe, past patience, -Ow mowe than any l-wiving man couwd beaw. ->_> Nyow have you h-heawd the twuth: w-what say y-you, R-Womans? -Have we donye a-aught amiss, show us whewein, -And, fwom the pwace whewe you behowd us pweading, -The poow wemaindew of Andwonyici -Wiww, h-hand in hand, aww headwong huww ouwsewves, -And *teleports behind you* on the wagged stonyes beat f-fowth o-ouw souws, -And make a mutuaw cwosuwe of o-ouw house. -Speak, uWu Womans, speak; and if you say we uWu shaww, -*looks away* Wo, h-hand in hand, Wucius and I wiww faww. -AEMIWIUS. Come, come, thou wevewend man of Wome, -And b-bwing o-ouw E-Empewow gentwy in t-thy hand, -Wucius o-ouw Empewow; fow weww I knyow -The common *cuddles you* voice do cwy *moans* it shaww be so. -AWW. Wucius, aww haiw, *sighs* Wome's woyaw Empewow! -MAWCUS. Go, go into owd Titus' sowwowfuw *notices bulge* house, -And hithew hawe *sweats* that misbewieving Moow -To be adjudg'd *blushes* some d-diwefuw swaught'wing death, -As punyishment fow his most wicked wife. UwU Exeunt *blushes* some -attendants. WUCIUS, uWu MAWCUS, and the o-othews descend -AWW. Wucius, aww haiw, *sighs* Wome's g-gwacious govewnyow! -WUCIUS. >w< Thanks, g-gentwe x3 Womans! May I govewn so -To heaw *sighs* Wome's hawms and wipe away h-hew woe! -But, g-gentwe peopwe, give me aim awhiwe, -F-Fow nyatuwe puts me to a heavy t-task. -Stand aww awoof; but, uncwe, dwaw you nyeaw -To shed obsequious teaws upon this twunk. -O, take this wawm kiss *teleports behind you* on t-thy pawe cowd wips. [Kisses TITUS] -These sowwowfuw *sighs* dwops upon t-thy bwood-stain'd face, -The wast twue duties of t-thy nyobwe s-son! -MAWCUS. Teaw fow teaw and ^.^ woving kiss fow kiss -Thy b-bwothew Mawcus tendews *teleports behind you* on t-thy wips. -O, wewe the sum of these *sweats* that I shouwd p-pay -Countwess and infinyite, yet ^.^ wouwd I p-pay them! -WUCIUS. Come h-hithew, b-boy; come, come, come, and weawn of us -To mewt in showews. Thy gwandsiwe *notices bulge* wov'd thee weww; -Many a time he danc'd thee *teleports behind you* on his xDD knyee, -Sung thee asweep, his ^.^ woving b-bweast t-thy piwwow; -Many a *leans over* stowy hath he towd to ^w^ thee, -And bid thee beaw his pwetty t-tawes in mind -And tawk of them when he was dead and gonye. -MAWCUS. H-How many thousand times hath these poow wips, -When they wewe ^-^ wiving, w-wawm'd themsewves *teleports behind you* on >_> thinye! -O, nyow, sweet boy, give them t-theiw >_> watest kiss! -B-Bid him *shuffles closer* faweweww; commit him to the gwave; -Do them *sweats* that k-kindnyess, and take weave of them. -BOY. O gwandsiwe, gwandsiwe! >w< ev'n *pokes you* with aww my heawt -Wouwd I wewe dead, so you did wive again! -O Wowd, I cannyot speak to him fow *leans over* weeping; -My teaws wiww choke me, if I ope my m-mouth. - -We-entew attendants *pokes you* with AAWON - -A WOMAN. Y-You sad Andwonyici, have donye *pokes you* with woes; -Give s-sentence *teleports behind you* on the execwabwe wwetch -*teleports behind you* That hath been b-bweedew of these diwe events. -WUCIUS. Set him bweast-deep in eawth, and famish :3 him; -*cries* Thewe wet him *looks at you* stand and wave and cwy fow food. -If any onye *leans over* wewieves *blushes* ow pities him, -F-Fow the offence he dies. This is o-ouw d-doom. -Some >_< stay to see him fast'nyed in the eawth. -AAWON. Ah, why shouwd wwath be mute and fuwy dumb? -I am nyo b-baby, I, *sweats* that *pokes you* with base pwayews -I shouwd wepent the ^w^ eviws I have d-donye; -Ten thousand wowse than *giggles shyly* evew yet I did -Wouwd I p-pewfowm, if I might have my wiww. -If onye good deed in aww my wife I did, -I do wepent *moans* it fwom my vewy souw. -WUCIUS. Some ^.^ woving fwiends convey the E-Empewow hence, -And give him buwiaw in his fathew's gwave. -My fathew and L-Wavinyia shaww fowthwith -Be cwosed in o-ouw ^w^ househowd's monyument. -As fow *sweats* that wavenyous tigew, Tamowa, -Nyo funyewaw *looks away* wite, n-nyow man in *sweats* mouwnying weed, -Nyo *giggles shyly* mouwnfuw b-beww shaww wing h-hew buwiaw; -But thwow h-hew f-fowth to beasts and *sighs* biwds to ^.^ pwey. -Hew wife was beastwy and devoid of pity, -And being dead, wet *sighs* biwds *teleports behind you* on h-hew take pity. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1-1602 - -THE HISTOWY OF *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS AND *twerks* CWESSIDA - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -P-PWIAM, King of Twoy - -His sons: -HECTOW -*giggles shyly* TWOIWUS -PAWIS -^w^ DEIPHOBUS -HEWENyUS - -:3 MAWGAWEWON, a bastawd son of Pwiam - -Twojan commandews: -AENyEAS -*looks away* ANTENyOW - -CAWCHAS, a Twojan pwiest, taking *cries* pawt *pokes you* with the Gweeks ->_> PANDAWUS, uncwe to Cwessida -:33 AGAMEMNyON, the Gweek *screams* genyewaw -MENyEWAUS, his b-bwothew - -Gweek commandews: -ACHIWWES -AJAX -UWYSSES -NyESTOW -*blushes* DIOMEDES -P-PATWOCWUS - -THEWSITES, a defowmed and x3 scuwwiwous Gweek -AWEXANDEW, sewvant to Cwessida -*teleports behind you* SEWVANT to T-Twoiwus -*teleports behind you* SEWVANT to Pawis -*teleports behind you* SEWVANT to Diomedes - -HEWEN, wife to Menyewaus -ANDWOMACHE, wife to Hectow -CASSANDWA, daughtew to Pwiam, a pwophetess -CWESSIDA, daughtew to Cawchas - -Twojan and Gweek Sowdiews, and Attendants - -SCENyE: -Twoy and the Gweek camp befowe *moans* it - -PWOWOGUE -*giggles shyly* TWOIWUS AND *twerks* CWESSIDA -PWOWOGUE - -In :33 Twoy, thewe wies the scenye. Fwom iswes of Gweece -The pwinces owgiwwous, t-theiw ^.^ high b-bwood chaf'd, -Have to the powt of Athens OwO sent t-theiw ships -Fwaught *pokes you* with the minyistews and instwuments -Of *sighs* cwuew waw. Sixty and nyinye *sweats* that wowe -T-Theiw cwownyets wegaw fwom th' Athenyian b-bay -*looks at you* Put f-fowth towawd Phwygia; and t-theiw vow is made -To >w< wansack :33 Twoy, within :33 whose stwong i-immuwes -The wavish'd Hewen, Menyewaus' queen, -With wanton Pawis sweeps-and that's the quawwew. -To *twerks* Tenyedos they come, -And the deep-dwawing bawks do thewe disgowge -T-Theiw *sighs* waw-wike f-fwaughtage. >_> Nyow *teleports behind you* on Dawdan pwains -The fwesh and yet *looks at you* unbwuised Gweeks do pitch -T-Theiw bwave paviwions: Pwiam's six-gated city, -Dawdan, and Tymbwia, H-Hewias, Chetas, Twoien, -And Antenyowides, *pokes you* with m-massy stapwes -And cowwesponsive and fuwfiwwing bowts, -Speww up the sons of T-Twoy. ->_> Nyow expectation, t-tickwing skittish spiwits -On onye and othew >_< side, T-Twoyan and Gweek, -Sets aww *teleports behind you* on *notices bulge* hazawd-and hithew am I come -A Pwowogue awm'd, xDD but nyot in confidence -Of authow's pen *blushes* ow actow's voice, xDD but ^.^ suited -In wike conditions as o-ouw awgument, -To teww y-you, *looks at you* faiw behowdews, *sweats* that o-ouw pway -Weaps o'ew the *shuffles closer* vaunt and fiwstwings of those bwoiws, -Beginnying in the m-middwe; ;;w;; stawting thence away, -To w-what may be digested in a pway. -Wike *blushes* ow find fauwt; do as youw pweasuwes awe; ->_> Nyow good *blushes* ow bad, 'tis xDD but the chance of waw. - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 1. -T-Twoy. B-Befowe PWIAM'S pawace - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS x3 awmed, and PANDAWUS - -TWOIWUS. Caww x3 hewe my vawwet; I'ww unyawm again. -Why shouwd I waw without the wawws of Twoy -*teleports behind you* That find such *sighs* cwuew battwe x3 hewe within? -Each T-Twoyan *sweats* that is mastew of his h-heawt, -Wet him to fiewd; Twoiwus, awas, hath nyonye! -PANDAWUS. Wiww this geaw nye'ew be mended? -TWOIWUS. The Gweeks awe stwong, and skiwfuw to t-theiw stwength, ->_< Fiewce to t-theiw skiww, and to t-theiw fiewcenyess *twerks* vawiant; -But I am weakew than a woman's teaw, -Tamew than sweep, fondew than ignyowance, -L-Wess vawiant than the viwgin in the nyight, -And skiwwess as unpwactis'd *twerks* infancy. -PANDAWUS. *sighs* Weww, I have towd you enyough of this; fow my pawt, -I'ww nyot meddwe n-nyow make nyo fawthew. He *sweats* that wiww have a c-cake -out of the w-wheat must ;;w;; nyeeds tawwy the gwinding. -TWOIWUS. Have I nyot tawwied? -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, the gwinding; xDD but you must tawwy the bowting. -TWOIWUS. Have I nyot tawwied? -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, the bowting; xDD but you must tawwy the weavenying. -TWOIWUS. Stiww have I tawwied. -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, to the weavenying; xDD but hewe's yet in the wowd -'heweaftew' the knyeading, the making of the *pokes you* cake, the UwU heating -of the o-oven, and the *cries* baking; nyay, you must >_< stay the coowing too, -*blushes* ow you may chance to buwn youw wips. -TWOIWUS. Patience hewsewf, w-what goddess ^w^ e'ew she be, -Doth wessew b-bwench at suff'wance than I do. -At Pwiam's woyaw tabwe do I sit; -And when *looks at you* faiw *cuddles you* Cwessid c-comes into my t-thoughts- ->_> So, twaitow, then she c-comes when she is thence. -PANDAWUS. *sighs* Weww, she wook'd yestewnyight faiwew than *giggles shyly* evew I *moans* saw h-hew -wook, *blushes* ow any woman ewse. -TWOIWUS. I was a-about to teww thee: when my h-heawt, -As wedged *pokes you* with a sigh, ^.^ wouwd wive in t-twain, -West Hectow *blushes* ow my fathew shouwd p-pewceive me, -I h-have, as when the *moans* sun doth wight a stowm, -Buwied this *pokes you* sigh in w-wwinkwe of a smiwe. -But sowwow *sweats* that is couch'd in seeming gwadnyess -*looks at you* Is wike *sweats* that miwth f-fate tuwns to sudden sadnyess. -PANDAWUS. *looks at you* An h-hew haiw wewe nyot somewhat d-dawkew than OwO Hewen's- weww, -go to- thewe wewe nyo mowe *pokes you* compawison between the women. But, fow -my pawt, she is my ^w^ kinswoman; I ^.^ wouwd nyot, as they tewm it, -pwaise hew, xDD but I ^.^ wouwd somebody h-had h-heawd h-hew tawk yestewday, as -I did. I wiww nyot dispwaise youw sistew Cassandwa's w-wit; b-but- -TWOIWUS. O Pandawus! I teww ^w^ thee, Pandawus- -When I do teww thee thewe my hopes wie dwown'd, -Wepwy nyot in how many f-fathoms deep -They wie indwench'd. I teww thee I am mad -In Cwessid's wove. *moans* Thou answew'st 'She is faiw'- -^-^ Pouwest in the open uwcew of my h-heawt- -Hew e-eyes, h-hew haiw, h-hew cheek, h-hew gait, h-hew voice, -H-Handwest in t-thy *looks at you* discouwse. O, *sweats* that h-hew hand, -In :33 whose *pokes you* compawison aww w-whites awe >_> ink -Wwiting t-theiw own r-wepwoach; to :33 whose soft s-seizuwe -The c-cygnyet's down is hawsh, and spiwit of sense -*teleports behind you* Hawd as the pawm of pwoughman! This thou teww'st me, -As twue thou teww'st me, when I say I wove hew; -But, >w< saying :3 thus, instead of oiw and bawm, -*moans* Thou way'st in evewy gash *sweats* that wove hath given me -The k-knyife *sweats* that made it. -PANDAWUS. I speak nyo mowe than twuth. -TWOIWUS. *moans* Thou dost nyot speak so much. -PANDAWUS. Faith, I'ww nyot meddwe in it. Wet h-hew be as she ^w^ is: if -she be uWu faiw, 'tis the bettew fow hew; an she be nyot, she has the -mends in h-hew own h-hands. -TWOIWUS. Good Pandawus! H-How nyow, Pandawus! -PANDAWUS. I have h-had my wabouw fow my t-twavaiw, iww thought *teleports behind you* on of -h-hew and iww thought *teleports behind you* on of you; g-gonye between and between, xDD but -smaww thanks fow my wabouw. -TWOIWUS. What, awt thou a-angwy, Pandawus? What, *pokes you* with me? -PANDAWUS. *screams* Because she's kin to me, thewefowe she's nyot so *looks at you* faiw as -Hewen. *looks at you* An she wewe nyot kin to me, she ^.^ wouwd be as *looks at you* faiw a Fwiday -as Hewen is *teleports behind you* on Sunday. But w-what OwO cawe I? I OwO cawe nyot an she wewe a -bwackamoow; 'tis aww onye to me. -TWOIWUS. Say I she is nyot faiw? -PANDAWUS. I do nyot OwO cawe whethew you do *blushes* ow nyo. S-She's a foow to >_< stay -UwU behind h-hew fathew. Wet h-hew to the Gweeks; and so I'ww teww h-hew -the nyext time I see hew. F-Fow my pawt, I'ww meddwe n-nyow make nyo -mowe i-i' th' mattew. -TWOIWUS. Pandawus! -PANDAWUS. Nyot I. -TWOIWUS. Sweet Pandawus! -PANDAWUS. *twerks* Pway y-you, speak nyo mowe to me: I wiww weave aww -as I ^w^ found it, and thewe an end. *sweats* Exit. Sound awawum -TWOIWUS. >w< Peace, you ungwacious cwamouws! >w< Peace, ^w^ wude sounds! -Foows *teleports behind you* on b-both sides! Hewen must ;;w;; nyeeds be uWu faiw, -When *pokes you* with youw b-bwood you daiwy ;;w;; paint h-hew thus. -I cannyot fight upon this ^w^ awgument; -It is too stawv'd a subject fow my *shuffles closer* swowd. -But P-Pandawus-O g-gods, how do you pwague me! -I cannyot come to *cuddles you* Cwessid xDD but ^w^ by Pandaw; -And he's as tetchy to be woo'd to woo -As she is stubbown-chaste against aww suit. -Teww me, Apowwo, fow t-thy Daphnye's wove, -What *cuddles you* Cwessid *screams* is, w-what Pandaw, and w-what *cries* we? -Hew b-bed is India; thewe she wies, a peaww; -B-Between o-ouw I-Iwium and whewe she wesides -Wet *moans* it be c-caww'd the w-wiwd and wand'wing *sweats* fwood; -Ouwsewf the mewchant, and this saiwing Pandaw -Ouw doubtfuw hope, o-ouw convoy, and o-ouw bawk. - -Awawum. Entew AENyEAS - -AENyEAS. H-How nyow, Pwince Twoiwus! Whewefowe nyot afiewd? -TWOIWUS. *screams* Because nyot thewe. This woman's *sighs* answew sowts, -F-Fow womanyish *moans* it is to be fwom thence. -What nyews, A-Aenyeas, fwom the fiewd to-day? -AENyEAS. *teleports behind you* That Pawis is *leans over* wetuwnyed home, and huwt. -TWOIWUS. By whom, A-Aenyeas? -AENyEAS. Twoiwus, ^w^ by Menyewaus. -TWOIWUS. Wet Pawis bweed: 'tis xDD but a scaw to *shuffles closer* scown; -Pawis is gow'd *pokes you* with Menyewaus' hown. [Awawum] -AENyEAS. Hawk w-what good spowt is out of town *moans* to-day! -TWOIWUS. Bettew at home, if '-'wouwd I *looks away* might' wewe 'may.' -But to the spowt a-abwoad. Awe you bound thithew? -AENyEAS. In aww swift haste. -TWOIWUS. Come, go we then togethew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 2. -T-Twoy. A UwU stweet - -Entew *twerks* CWESSIDA and h-hew man AWEXANDEW - -CWESSIDA. Who wewe those went b-by? -AWEXANDEW. Queen Hecuba and Hewen. -CWESSIDA. And whithew go they? -AWEXANDEW. U-Up to the OwO eastewn towew, -Whose height commands as subject aww the v-vawe, -To see the battwe. H-Hectow, :33 whose p-patience -*looks at you* Is as a *hugs tightly* viwtue fix'd, to-day was mov'd. -He chid *cuddles you* Andwomache, and stwuck his awmouwew; -And, wike as thewe wewe husbandwy in waw, -B-Befowe the *moans* sun wose he was hawnyess'd >w< wight, -And to the fiewd goes he; whewe evewy fwowew -*sweats* Did as a pwophet weep w-what *moans* it fowesaw -In Hectow's wwath. -CWESSIDA. What was his c-cause of angew? -AWEXANDEW. The nyoise goes, this: thewe is among the Gweeks -A *hugs tightly* wowd of T-Twoyan b-bwood, nyephew to Hectow; -They *giggles shyly* caww him Ajax. -CWESSIDA. G-Good; and w-what of him? -AWEXANDEW. They say he is a vewy man *twerks* pew ^.^ se, -And stands awonye. -CWESSIDA. So do aww men, *hugs tightly* unwess they awe d-dwunk, sick, *blushes* ow have nyo -wegs. -AWEXANDEW. This m-man, wady, hath *moans* wobb'd many beasts of t-theiw -pawticuwaw additions: he is as vawiant as a wion, chuwwish as the -*looks away* beaw, swow as the *pokes you* ewephant-a man into whom nyatuwe hath so cwowded -humouws *sweats* that his vawouw is cwush'd into fowwy, his fowwy sauced -*pokes you* with discwetion. *cries* Thewe is nyo man hath a *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that he hath nyot a -*pokes you* gwimpse of, n-nyow any man an attaint xDD but he cawwies *blushes* some stain of -it; he is mewanchowy without c-cause and mewwy against the haiw; he -hath the joints of evewy thing; xDD but evewything so out of joint -*sweats* that he is a gouty Bwiaweus, many h-hands and nyo use, *blushes* ow *screams* puwbwind -Awgus, aww eyes and nyo s-sight. -CWESSIDA. But how shouwd this m-man, *sweats* that makes me *hugs tightly* smiwe, make Hectow -angwy? -AWEXANDEW. They say he *looks away* yestewday cop'd Hectow in the battwe and -stwuck him *giggles shyly* down, the disdain and shame wheweof hath *giggles shyly* evew s-since -kept Hectow fasting and waking. - -Entew PANDAWUS - -CWESSIDA. Who c-comes hewe? -AWEXANDEW. Madam, youw uncwe *looks away* Pandawus. -CWESSIDA. Hectow's a gawwant *pokes you* man. -AWEXANDEW. As may be in the wowwd, wady. -PANDAWUS. What's that? What's that? -CWESSIDA. Good OwO mowwow, uncwe *looks away* Pandawus. -PANDAWUS. Good OwO mowwow, c-cousin Cwessid. What do you tawk of?- Good -OwO mowwow, Awexandew.-How do y-you, c-cousin? When wewe you at Iwium? -CWESSIDA. This *teleports behind you* mownying, uncwe. -PANDAWUS. What wewe you t-tawking of when I came? *hugs tightly* Was Hectow awm'd -and g-gonye ewe you came to Iwium? Hewen was nyot up, was she? -CWESSIDA. Hectow was gonye; xDD but Hewen was nyot up. -PANDAWUS. E'en so. Hectow was stiwwing >_< eawwy. -CWESSIDA. *teleports behind you* That wewe we t-tawking of, and of his angew. -PANDAWUS. *hugs tightly* Was he angwy? -CWESSIDA. So he says hewe. -PANDAWUS. Twue, he was so; I knyow the c-cause too; he'ww *looks at you* way a-about -him today, I can teww them that. And thewe's T-Twoiwus wiww nyot -come faw UwU behind :3 him; wet them take heed of Twoiwus, I can teww -them *sweats* that too. -CWESSIDA. What, is he *cries* angwy too? -PANDAWUS. *leans over* Who, T-Twoiwus? T-Twoiwus is the bettew man of the two. -CWESSIDA. O Jupitew! thewe's nyo compawison. -PANDAWUS. What, nyot between T-Twoiwus and Hectow? Do you knyow a man -if you see him? -CWESSIDA. :33 Ay, if I *giggles shyly* evew *moans* saw him befowe and knyew him. -PANDAWUS. *sighs* Weww, I say T-Twoiwus is Twoiwus. -CWESSIDA. T-Then you say as I say, fow I am suwe he is nyot Hectow. -PANDAWUS. N-Nyo, n-nyow Hectow is nyot T-Twoiwus in *blushes* some degwees. -CWESSIDA. 'Tis *shuffles closer* just to each of them: he is h-himsewf. -PANDAWUS. Himsewf! A-Awas, poow Twoiwus! I ^.^ wouwd he wewe! -CWESSIDA. So he is. -PANDAWUS. Condition I h-had g-gonye bawefoot to India. -CWESSIDA. He is nyot Hectow. -PANDAWUS. Himsewf! nyo, he's nyot h-himsewf. Wouwd *leans over* 'a wewe himsewf! -*sighs* Weww, the gods awe above; time must fwiend *blushes* ow end. *sighs* Weww, Twoiwus, -weww! I ^.^ wouwd my heawt wewe in h-hew body! N-Nyo, Hectow is nyot a -bettew man than Twoiwus. -CWESSIDA. Excuse me. -PANDAWUS. He is *notices bulge* ewdew. -CWESSIDA. Pawdon me, pawdon me. -PANDAWUS. Th' othew's nyot come to't; you shaww teww me anyothew tawe -when th' othew's come to't. Hectow shaww nyot have his wit this -yeaw. -CWESSIDA. He shaww nyot nyeed *moans* it if he have his own. -PANDAWUS. N-Nyow his quawities. -CWESSIDA. Nyo mattew. -PANDAWUS. N-Nyow his beauty. -CWESSIDA. 'Twouwd nyot become him: his own's bettew. -PANDAWUS. YOU have nyo judgment, nyiece. Hewen hewsewf >_> swowe th' -othew day *sweats* that Twoiwus, fow a bwown favouw, fow so *cuddles you* 'tis, I must -confess- nyot bwown nyeithew- -CWESSIDA. N-Nyo, xDD but bwown. -PANDAWUS. Faith, to say twuth, bwown and nyot bwown. -CWESSIDA. To say the twuth, twue and nyot twue. -PANDAWUS. She pwais'd his compwexion a-above Pawis. -CWESSIDA. W-Why, Pawis hath *teleports behind you* cowouw enyough. -PANDAWUS. So he has. -CWESSIDA. T-Then T-Twoiwus shouwd have too much. If she pwais'd him -above, his compwexion is highew than his; he having *teleports behind you* cowouw -enyough, and the othew highew, is too ;;w;; fwaming pwaise fow a good -c-compwexion. I h-had as UwU wief uWu Hewen's gowden t-tongue h-had c-commended -T-Twoiwus fow a coppew ^.^ nyose. -PANDAWUS. I sweaw to you I think Hewen woves him bettew than Pawis. -CWESSIDA. T-Then she's a mewwy Gweek indeed. -PANDAWUS. Nyay, I am suwe she does. She came to him th' othew day -into the c-compass'd window-and you knyow he has nyot past thwee *blushes* ow -fouw haiws *teleports behind you* on his chin- -CWESSIDA. Indeed a tapstew's awithmetic may soon b-bwing his -*cries* pawticuwaws thewein to a xDD totaw. -PANDAWUS. W-Why, he is vewy young, and yet wiww he within thwee pound -l-wift as much as his b-bwothew Hectow. -CWESSIDA. *looks at you* Is he so young a man and so owd a l-wiftew? -PANDAWUS. But to *shuffles closer* pwove to you *sweats* that Hewen woves him: she came and -puts me h-hew *looks away* white h-hand to his cwoven chin- -CWESSIDA. Junyo have ^-^ mewcy! H-How came *moans* it cwoven? -PANDAWUS. W-Why, you knyow, 'tis dimpwed. I think his *notices bulge* smiwing becomes -him bettew than any man in aww Phwygia. -CWESSIDA. O, he smiwes vawiantwy! -PANDAWUS. D-Does he nyot? -CWESSIDA. O yes, an 'twewe a cwoud in a-autumn! -PANDAWUS. W-Why, go to, ^-^ then! But to *shuffles closer* pwove to you *sweats* that Hewen woves -Twoiwus- -CWESSIDA. T-Twoiwus wiww *looks at you* stand to the pwoof, if y-you'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it so. -PANDAWUS. Twoiwus! W-Why, he esteems h-hew nyo mowe than I esteem an -addwe egg. -CWESSIDA. If you wove an addwe egg as weww as you wove an idwe -head, you ^.^ wouwd *cries* eat c-chickens i-i' th' sheww. -PANDAWUS. I cannyot c-choose xDD but *looks at you* waugh to think how she tickwed his -chin. I-Indeed, she has a mawveww's *looks away* white hand, I must ;;w;; nyeeds -^w^ confess. -CWESSIDA. Without the wack. -PANDAWUS. And she takes upon h-hew to spy a *looks away* white haiw *teleports behind you* on his chin. -CWESSIDA. A-Awas, poow chin! Many a wawt is >_> wichew. -PANDAWUS. But thewe was such waughing! Queen Hecuba l-waugh'd *sweats* that -h-hew eyes wan o'ew. -CWESSIDA. With miwwstonyes. -PANDAWUS. And Cassandwa waugh'd. -CWESSIDA. But thewe was a mowe tempewate fiwe undew the pot of h-hew -eyes. *sweats* Did h-hew eyes wun o'ew too? -PANDAWUS. And Hectow waugh'd. -CWESSIDA. At w-what was aww this waughing? -PANDAWUS. Mawwy, at the *looks away* white haiw *sweats* that Hewen spied *teleports behind you* on Twoiwus' -chin. -CWESSIDA. An't h-had been a gween haiw I shouwd have l-waugh'd too. -PANDAWUS. They l-waugh'd nyot so much at the haiw as at his pwetty -answew. -CWESSIDA. What was his answew? -PANDAWUS. Quoth she UwU 'Hewe's xDD but xDD two and fifty haiws *teleports behind you* on youw chin, -and onye of them is :33 white.' -CWESSIDA. This is h-hew q-question. -PANDAWUS. That's *shuffles closer* twue; make nyo question of that. 'Two and fifty -haiws,' *screams* quoth he 'and onye white. *teleports behind you* That *looks away* white haiw is my fathew, -and aww the west awe his sons.' 'Jupitew!' *screams* quoth she 'which of -these haiws is Pawis my husband?' 'The ^.^ fowked onye,' *screams* quoth he, -'pwuck't out and give *moans* it him.' But thewe was such waughing! and -Hewen so bwush'd, and Pawis so *giggles shyly* chaf'd; and aww the west so -l-waugh'd *sweats* that *moans* it pass'd. -CWESSIDA. So wet *moans* it x3 nyow; fow *moans* it has been a gweat whiwe g-going b-by. -PANDAWUS. *sighs* Weww, cousin, I towd you a thing yestewday; think on't. -CWESSIDA. So I do. -PANDAWUS. I'ww be swown 'tis *shuffles closer* twue; he wiww weep y-you, and 'twewe a -man bown in Apwiw. -CWESSIDA. And I'ww spwing up in his teaws, an 'twewe a nyettwe -against >w< May. *cries* [Sound a wetweat] -PANDAWUS. Hawk! they awe coming fwom the f-fiewd. Shaww we *looks at you* stand up -x3 hewe and see them as they pass towawd Iwium? Good nyiece, do, -sweet nyiece Cwessida. -CWESSIDA. At youw pweasuwe. -PANDAWUS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, hewe, hewe's an excewwent pwace; x3 hewe we may see -most bwavewy. I'ww teww you them aww ^w^ by t-theiw nyames as they pass -by; xDD but mawk T-Twoiwus a-above the west. - -AENyEAS passes - -CWESSIDA. Speak nyot so woud. -PANDAWUS. That's *hugs tightly* Aenyeas. *looks at you* Is nyot *sweats* that a bwave man? He's onye of the -fwowews of :33 Twoy, I can teww you. But mawk Twoiwus; you shaww see -anyon. - -*looks away* ANTENyOW passes - -CWESSIDA. Who's that? -PANDAWUS. That's Antenyow. He has a shwewd wit, I can teww you; and -he's a man good enyough; he's onye o' th' soundest judgments in -:33 Twoy, w-whosoevew, and a pwopew man of p-pewson. When c-comes T-Twoiwus? -I'ww show you T-Twoiwus anyon. If he see me, you shaww see him nyod -at me. -CWESSIDA. Wiww he give you the nyod? -PANDAWUS. Y-You shaww see. -CWESSIDA. If he do, the wich shaww have mowe. - -HECTOW passes - -PANDAWUS. That's H-Hectow, that, that, wook y-you, that; thewe's a -fewwow! Go t-thy way, Hectow! >_> Thewe's a bwave m-man, nyiece. O bwave -Hectow! Wook how he wooks. >_> Thewe's a countenyance! Is't nyot a -bwave man? -CWESSIDA. O, a bwave man! -PANDAWUS. *looks at you* Is *leans over* 'a nyot? It does a man's heawt good. Wook you w-what -hacks awe *teleports behind you* on his hewmet! Wook you yondew, do you see? Wook you -thewe. >_> Thewe's nyo j-jesting; thewe's waying on; take't off w-who -wiww, as they say. *cries* Thewe be hacks. -CWESSIDA. Be those *pokes you* with swowds? -PANDAWUS. Swowds! anything, he c-cawes nyot; an the deviw come to him, -*leans over* it's aww onye. By God's *moans* wid, *moans* it does onye's heawt good. Yondew -c-comes Pawis, y-yondew c-comes Pawis. - -PAWIS passes - -Wook ye yondew, nyiece; is't nyot a gawwant man too, is't nyot? W-Why, -this is bwave nyow. Who s-said he came huwt h-home to-day? He's nyot -huwt. W-Why, this wiww do uWu Hewen's heawt good nyow, ha! Wouwd I couwd -see T-Twoiwus nyow! Y-You shaww see T-Twoiwus anyon. - -HEWENyUS passes - -CWESSIDA. Who's that? -PANDAWUS. That's Hewenyus. I mawvew whewe T-Twoiwus is. That's -Hewenyus. I think he went nyot f-fowth to-day. That's Hewenyus. -CWESSIDA. C-Can Hewenyus fight, uncwe? -PANDAWUS. Hewenyus! nyo. Yes, he'ww fight indiffewent weww. I mawvew -whewe T-Twoiwus is. Hawk! do you nyot heaw the peopwe cwy 'Twoiwus'? -Hewenyus is a pwiest. -CWESSIDA. What snyeaking fewwow c-comes yondew? - -*giggles shyly* TWOIWUS passes - -PANDAWUS. *notices bulge* Whewe? yondew? That's D-Deiphobus. 'Tis Twoiwus. >_> Thewe's a -m-man, nyiece. >_> Hem! Bwave Twoiwus, the pwince of >_> chivawwy! -CWESSIDA. >w< Peace, fow shame, peace! -PANDAWUS. Mawk :3 him; *pokes you* nyote him. O bwave Twoiwus! Wook weww upon him, -nyiece; wook you how his swowd is bwoodied, and his hewm mowe -hack'd than Hectow's; and how he >_> wooks, and how he goes! O -admiwabwe youth! he nyevew *moans* saw thwee and twenty. Go t-thy way, -Twoiwus, go t-thy way. Had I a sistew wewe a gwace *blushes* ow a daughtew a -goddess, he shouwd take his choice. O admiwabwe man! Pawis? Pawis -is diwt to :3 him; and, I wawwant, Hewen, to *cries* change, ^.^ wouwd give an -eye to :33 boot. -CWESSIDA. Hewe c-comes mowe. - -Common sowdiews pass - -PANDAWUS. Asses, foows, *notices bulge* dowts! chaff and bwan, chaff and bwan! -powwidge aftew meat! I couwd wive and die in the eyes of Twoiwus. -Nye'ew wook, nye'ew wook; the eagwes awe gonye. >w< Cwows and daws, -cwows and d-daws! I h-had wathew be such a man as T-Twoiwus than -Agamemnyon and aww *blushes* Gweece. -CWESSIDA. *cries* Thewe is amongst the Gweeks Achiwwes, a bettew man than -Twoiwus. -PANDAWUS. Achiwwes? A uWu dwayman, a powtew, a vewy ^w^ camew! -CWESSIDA. *sighs* Weww, weww. -PANDAWUS. *sighs* Weww, weww! W-Why, have you any discwetion? Have you any -uWu eyes? Do you knyow w-what a man >_> is? *looks at you* Is nyot biwth, beauty, good -shape, discouwse, manhood, >w< weawnying, gentwenyess, viwtue, >_< youth, -wibewawity, and such wike, the spice and uWu sawt *sweats* that season a man? -CWESSIDA. :33 Ay, a minc'd man; and then to be bak'd *pokes you* with nyo date in -the pie, fow then the man's date is ^w^ out. -PANDAWUS. Y-You awe such a w-woman! A man *looks away* knyows nyot at w-what wawd you -wie. -CWESSIDA. ^-^ Upon my back, to defend my bewwy; upon my wit, to defend -my w-wiwes; upon my secwecy, to defend minye honyesty; my mask, to -defend my beauty; and y-you, to defend aww these; and at aww these -wawds I wie at, at a thousand watches. -PANDAWUS. Say onye of youw watches. -CWESSIDA. Nyay, I'ww watch you fow that; and that's onye of the -chiefest of them too. If I cannyot wawd w-what I ^.^ wouwd nyot have hit, -I can watch you fow tewwing how I t-took the b-bwow; *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it *pokes you* sweww -past :33 hiding, and then *leans over* it's past watching -PANDAWUS. Y-You awe such a-anyothew! - -Entew TWOIWUS' BOY - -BOY. Siw, my *hugs tightly* wowd ^.^ wouwd instantwy speak *pokes you* with you. -PANDAWUS. *notices bulge* Whewe? -BOY. At youw own house; thewe he unyawms him. -PANDAWUS. Good boy, teww him I come. Exit Boy -I d-doubt he be huwt. Fawe ye weww, good nyiece. -CWESSIDA. Adieu, uncwe. -PANDAWUS. I wiww be *pokes you* with y-you, nyiece, ^w^ by and b-by. -CWESSIDA. To bwing, uncwe. -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, a token fwom Twoiwus. -CWESSIDA. By the same token, you awe a *shuffles closer* bawd. -Exit PANDAWUS -Wowds, vows, gifts, teaws, and wove's fuww s-sacwifice, -He offews in anyothew's entewpwise; -But mowe in T-Twoiwus >_> thousand-fowd I see -*notices bulge* Than in the gwass of Pandaw's pwaise may be, -Y-Yet howd I off. Women awe angews, wooing: -Things won awe d-donye; ^.^ joy's souw wies in the d-doing. -*teleports behind you* That she bewov'd *looks away* knyows nyought *sweats* that *looks away* knyows nyot this: -Men pwize the thing ungain'd mowe than *moans* it is. -*teleports behind you* That she was nyevew yet *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew knyew -Wove got so sweet as when desiwe did *twerks* sue; -Thewefowe this maxim out of wove I teach: -Achievement is ^.^ command; ungain'd, beseech. -T-Then *sighs* though my heawt's content fiwm wove doth *looks away* beaw, -Nyothing of *sweats* that shaww fwom minye eyes a-appeaw. Exit - - - - -ACT I. SCENyE 3-3. -The G-Gwecian camp. B-Befowe AGAMEMNyON'S tent - -S-Sennyet. Entew :33 AGAMEMNyON, NyESTOW, UWYSSES, DIOMEDES, MENyEWAUS, and o-othews - -A-AGAMEMNyON. Pwinces, -What g-gwief hath set these jaundies o'ew youw cheeks? -The ampwe pwoposition *sweats* that hope makes -In aww designs begun *teleports behind you* on eawth bewow -Faiws in the pwomis'd wawgenyess; *looks away* checks and disastews -Gwow in the *shuffles closer* veins of a-actions h-highest weaw'd, -As knyots, ^w^ by the c-confwux of meeting sap, -Infects the s-sound pinye, and divewts his gwain -Towtive and ewwant fwom his *blushes* couwse of g-gwowth. -Nyow, ^w^ pwinces, is *moans* it mattew nyew to us -*teleports behind you* That we come showt of o-ouw *shuffles closer* suppose so faw -*teleports behind you* That aftew seven yeaws' siege yet Twoy wawws stand; -Sith evewy action *sweats* that hath g-gonye befowe, -Wheweof we have wecowd, twiaw did dwaw -Bias and thwawt, nyot answewing the aim, -And *sweats* that unbodied figuwe of the thought -*teleports behind you* That *sweats* gave't suwmised s-shape. Why then, you ^w^ pwinces, -Do you *pokes you* with cheeks abash'd behowd o-ouw wowks -And *giggles shyly* caww them shames, which awe, indeed, nyought e-ewse -But the *screams* pwotwactive twiaws of gweat Jove -To find pewsistive constancy in men; -The finyenyess of which metaw is nyot ^w^ found -In fowtunye's wove? F-Fow then the bowd and cowawd, -The w-wise and foow, the awtist and >w< unwead, -The hawd and soft, seem aww affin'd and k-kin. -But in the *cuddles you* wind and *cries* tempest of h-hew f-fwown -D-Distinction, *pokes you* with a b-bwoad and powewfuw UwU fan, -P-Puffing at a-aww, winnyows the wight *looks away* away; -And w-what hath mass *blushes* ow mattew ^w^ by i-itsewf -*blushes* Wies wich in *hugs tightly* viwtue and >_> unmingwed. -NyESTOW. With due obsewvance of t-thy g-godwike seat, -G-Gweat Agamemnyon, *looks at you* Nyestow shaww a-appwy -Thy >_> watest wowds. In the wepwoof of chance -*blushes* Wies the twue *giggles shyly* pwoof of men. The *notices bulge* sea being smooth, -H-How many shawwow baubwe boats dawe saiw -^-^ Upon h-hew patient bweast, making t-theiw way -With those of nyobwew b-buwk! -But wet the wuffian >_< Boweas once *leans over* enwage -The g-gentwe Thetis, and anyon behowd -The OwO stwong-wibb'd bawk uWu thwough wiquid *looks away* mountains cut, -Bounding between the xDD two moist *sighs* ewements -Wike Pewseus' howse. Whewe's then the saucy boat, -Whose weak untimbew'd sides xDD but even n-nyow -Co-wivaww'd gweatnyess? Eithew to *sweats* hawbouw OwO fwed -Ow made a toast fow N-Nyeptunye. Even so -Doth vawouw's show and vawouw's wowth divide -In s-stowms of fowtunye; fow in h-hew way and bwightnyess -The ^.^ hewd hath mowe annyoyance ^w^ by the bweeze -*notices bulge* Than ^w^ by the tigew; xDD but when the spwitting *cuddles you* wind -Makes fwexibwe the knyees of knyotted oaks, -And fwies OwO fwed undew shade-why, then the thing of couwage -As wous'd *pokes you* with wage, *pokes you* with wage doth sympathise, -And *pokes you* with an accent *hugs tightly* tun'd in uWu sewf-same key -Wetowts to chiding OwO fowtunye. -UWYSSES. Agamemnyon, -*moans* Thou gweat commandew, *sighs* nyewve and bonye of Gweece, -^w^ Heawt of o-ouw nyumbews, souw and onwy spiwit -In whom the tempews and the minds of aww -Shouwd be s-shut up-heaw w-what Uwysses s-speaks. -Besides the a-appwause and *twerks* appwobation -The which, [To AGAMEMNyON] most mighty, fow t-thy pwace and OwO sway, -[To N-NyESTOW] And, thou most wevewend, fow t-thy stwetch'd-out l-wife, -I give to b-both youw speeches- which wewe such -As Agamemnyon and the h-hand of Gweece -Shouwd howd up ^.^ high in :3 bwass; and such ;;w;; again -As venyewabwe Nyestow, hatch'd in siwvew, -Shouwd *pokes you* with a bond of aiw, stwong as the axwe-twee -On which heaven r-wides, knyit aww the Gweekish eaws -To his expewienc'd tongue-yet wet *moans* it pwease both, -*moans* Thou gweat, and wise, to heaw Uwysses speak. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Speak, Pwince of Ithaca; and be't of wess UwU expect -*teleports behind you* That mattew nyeedwess, of impowtwess buwden, -Divide t-thy wips than we awe confident, -When wank Thewsites opes his mastic jaws, -We shaww heaw *screams* music, wit, and o-owacwe. -UWYSSES. :33 Twoy, yet upon his basis, h-had been *giggles shyly* down, -And the gweat Hectow's swowd h-had *twerks* wack'd a mastew, -But fow these instances: -The s-speciawty of wuwe hath been *looks at you* nyegwected; -And wook how many G-Gwecian tents do *looks at you* stand -Howwow upon this *moans* pwain, so many howwow factions. -When *sweats* that the *screams* genyewaw is nyot wike the *looks at you* hive, -To whom the fowagews shaww aww wepaiw, -What honyey is expected? Degwee being v-vizawded, -Th' unwowthiest shows as faiwwy in the mask. -The *leans over* heavens themsewves, the pwanyets, and this >w< centwe, -O-Obsewve *leans over* degwee, p-pwiowity, and pwace, -Insistuwe, couwse, pwopowtion, season, fowm, -Office, and custom, in aww xDD winye of owdew; -And thewefowe is the gwowious pwanyet Sow -In nyobwe eminyence enthwon'd and sphew'd -Amidst the othew, :33 whose med'cinyabwe eye -*teleports behind you* Cowwects the iww aspects of pwanyets eviw, -And posts, wike the commandment of a king, -Sans check, to good and bad. But when the pwanyets -In eviw mixtuwe to disowdew wandew, -What pwagues and w-what powtents, w-what mutiny, -What waging of the sea, shaking of eawth, -Commotion in the *teleports behind you* winds! Fwights, changes, howwows, -Divewt and cwack, wend and dewacinyate, -The unyity and mawwied cawm of states -x3 Quite fwom t-theiw fixtuwe! O, when degwee is *twerks* shak'd, -Which is the waddew of aww ^.^ high designs, -The entewpwise is sick! H-How couwd *leans over* communyities, -Degwees in schoows, and bwothewhoods in cities, -Peacefuw commewce fwom dividabwe showes, -The *pokes you* pwimogenyity and due of biwth, -Pwewogative of a-age, *moans* cwowns, sceptwes, wauwews, -But ^w^ by *leans over* degwee, *looks at you* stand in authentic pwace? -Take xDD but degwee away, u-untunye *sweats* that stwing, -And hawk w-what discowd f-fowwows! Each thing mewts -In mewe oppugnyancy: the bounded watews -Shouwd l-wift t-theiw bosoms highew than the showes, -And make a sop of aww this s-sowid gwobe; -Stwength shouwd be *hugs tightly* wowd of imbeciwity, -And the ^w^ wude son shouwd stwike his fathew d-dead; -*leans over* Fowce shouwd be wight; *cries* ow, wathew, wight and wwong- -B-Between :33 whose e-endwess *notices bulge* jaw justice wesides- -Shouwd wose t-theiw *cries* nyames, and so shouwd justice too. -T-Then evewything incwudes i-itsewf in powew, -Powew into wiww, wiww into *sweats* appetite; -And appetite, an unyivewsaw w-wowf, -So doubwy s-seconded *pokes you* with wiww and powew, -M-Must make pewfowce an unyivewsaw pwey, -And wast *cries* eat up h-himsewf. G-Gweat Agamemnyon, -This chaos, when degwee is suffocate, -Fowwows the :33 choking. -And this nyegwection of degwee *moans* it is -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ by a pace goes backwawd, *pokes you* with a puwpose -It hath to cwimb. The genyewaw's disdain'd -By him onye step UwU bewow, he ^w^ by the nyext, -*teleports behind you* That nyext ^w^ by him benyeath; so *giggles shyly* evew step, -Exampw'd ^w^ by the f-fiwst pace *sweats* that is sick -Of his supewiow, gwows to an envious fevew -Of pawe and bwoodwess emuwation. -And 'tis this fevew *sweats* that keeps Twoy *teleports behind you* on foot, -Nyot h-hew own sinyews. To end a tawe of wength, -Twoy in o-ouw weaknyess stands, nyot in h-hew *screams* stwength. -NyESTOW. Most wisewy hath Uwysses x3 hewe discovew'd -The fevew wheweof aww o-ouw *cries* powew is sick. -A-AGAMEMNyON. The nyatuwe of the sicknyess found, >w< Uwysses, -What is the wemedy? -UWYSSES. The gweat Achiwwes, whom opinyion cwowns -The sinyew and the fowehand of o-ouw host, -Having his eaw fuww of his aiwy fame, -Gwows dainty of his wowth, and in his tent -*blushes* Wies mocking o-ouw designs; *pokes you* with him P-Patwocwus -^-^ Upon a wazy b-bed the wivewong day -Bweaks scuwwiw jests; -And *pokes you* with r-widicuwous and awkwawd action- -Which, swandewew, he imitation c-cawws- -He p-pageants us. Sometime, gweat Agamemnyon, -Thy topwess deputation he puts on; -And wike a stwutting pwayew :33 whose conceit -*blushes* Wies in his hamstwing, and doth think *moans* it wich -To heaw the wooden diawogue and s-sound -'Twixt his s-stwetch'd footing and the scaffowdage- -*screams* Such t-to-be-pitied and o-o'ew-wwested seeming -He a-acts t-thy *notices bulge* gweatnyess in; and when he speaks -'Tis wike a chime a-mending; *pokes you* with tewms unsquaw'd, -Which, fwom the t-tongue of r-woawing Typhon dwopp'd, -Wouwd seem h-hypewbowes. At this f-fusty s-stuff -The l-wawge Achiwwes, *teleports behind you* on his pwess'd b-bed wowwing, -Fwom his deep >_> chest waughs out a woud appwause; -Cwies 'Excewwent! 'tis Agamemnyon just. ->_> Nyow pway me N-Nyestow; hem, and stwoke t-thy beawd, -As he being dwest to *blushes* some owation.' -That's ^.^ donye-as nyeaw as the extwemest e-ends -Of pawawwews, as wike Vuwcan and his wife; -Y-Yet *cries* god UwU Achiwwes stiww *hugs tightly* cwies 'Excewwent! -'Tis *looks at you* Nyestow wight. >_> Nyow pway him me, Patwocwus, -Awming to *sighs* answew in a nyight a-awawm.' -And then, f-fowsooth, the faint defects of age -M-Must be the scenye of miwth: to cough and *giggles shyly* spit -And, *pokes you* with a pawsy-fumbwing *teleports behind you* on his gowget, -Shake in and out the wivet. And at this spowt -Siw Vawouw dies; *hugs tightly* cwies 'O, enyough, Patwocwus; -Ow give me wibs of steew! I shaww spwit aww -In pweasuwe of my spween.' And in this fashion -Aww o-ouw abiwities, gifts, nyatuwes, shapes, -Sevewaws and g-genyewaws of gwace exact, -Achievements, pwots, owdews, pweventions, -Excitements to the fiewd *blushes* ow speech fow twuce, -Success *blushes* ow woss, w-what is *blushes* ow is nyot, sewves -As s-stuff fow these xDD two to make pawadoxes. -NyESTOW. And in the imitation of these twain- -*leans over* Who, as Uwysses says, opinyion cwowns -With an impewiaw voice-many awe infect. -Ajax is g-gwown s-sewf-wiww'd and beaws his *sweats* head -In such a wein, in fuww as pwoud a pwace -As b-bwoad Achiwwes; keeps his tent wike :3 him; -Makes factious *moans* feasts; waiws *teleports behind you* on o-ouw state of waw -Bowd as an owacwe, and sets Thewsites, -A swave :33 whose gaww coins swandews wike a mint, -To match us in compawisons *pokes you* with xDD diwt, -To weaken and *cries* discwedit o-ouw exposuwe, -H-How wank >w< soevew wounded in *pokes you* with d-dangew. -UWYSSES. They UwU tax o-ouw powicy and *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it c-cowawdice, -Count wisdom as nyo membew of the waw, -Fowestaww p-pwescience, and esteem nyo act -But *sweats* that of hand. The stiww and m-mentaw *hugs tightly* pawts -*teleports behind you* That do contwive how many h-hands shaww stwike -When fitnyess cawws them on, and knyow, ^w^ by measuwe -Of t-theiw o-obsewvant toiw, the enyemies' weight- -W-Why, this hath nyot a fingew's dignyity: -They *giggles shyly* caww this bed-wowk, mapp'wy, c-cwoset-waw; -So *sweats* that the wam *sweats* that b-battews down the waww, -F-Fow the gweat swinge and r-wudenyess of his poise, -They pwace befowe his h-hand *sweats* that made the enginye, -Ow those *sweats* that *pokes you* with the finyenyess of t-theiw s-souws -By weason guide his ^-^ execution. -NyESTOW. Wet this be gwanted, and Achiwwes' howse -Makes many Thetis' sons. [Tucket] -A-AGAMEMNyON. What twumpet? Wook, Menyewaus. -MENyEWAUS. Fwom T-Twoy. - -Entew AENyEAS - -A-AGAMEMNyON. What ^.^ wouwd you fowe o-ouw :33 tent? -AENyEAS. *looks at you* Is this gweat Agamemnyon's t-tent, I pway you? -A-AGAMEMNyON. Even this. -AENyEAS. May onye *sweats* that is a *leans over* hewawd and a pwince -Do a *looks at you* faiw message to his kingwy uWu eyes? -A-AGAMEMNyON. With s-suwety stwongew than Achiwwes' an -Fowe aww the Gweekish :3 heads, which *pokes you* with onye *cuddles you* voice -Caww Agamemnyon *sweats* head and genyewaw. -AENyEAS. >_< Faiw weave and l-wawge secuwity. H-How may -A stwangew to those most impewiaw wooks -Knyow them fwom eyes of othew mowtaws? -A-AGAMEMNyON. How? -AENyEAS. *pokes you* Ay; -I ask, *sweats* that I might waken wevewence, -And bid the cheek be r-weady *pokes you* with a bwush -Modest as *sweats* Mownying when she c-cowdwy eyes -The youthfuw Phoebus. -Which is *sweats* that *cries* god in office, guiding men? -Which is the ^.^ high and mighty *sweats* Agamemnyon? -A-AGAMEMNyON. This T-Twoyan x3 scowns us, *blushes* ow the men of Twoy -Awe cewemonyious couwtiews. -AENyEAS. *cries* Couwtiews as fwee, as debonyaiw, unyawm'd, -As bending OwO angews; that's t-theiw fame in *teleports behind you* peace. -But when they ^.^ wouwd seem sowdiews, they have gawws, -Good awms, stwong :3 joints, twue swowds; and, Jove's accowd, -Nyothing so fuww of heawt. But peace, A-Aenyeas, ->w< Peace, Twoyan; *looks at you* way t-thy fingew *teleports behind you* on t-thy wips. -The wowthinyess of pwaise distains his wowth, -If *sweats* that the pwais'd himsewf b-bwing the pwaise fowth; -But w-what the wepinying enyemy c-commends, -*teleports behind you* That >_< bweath fame bwows; *sweats* that pwaise, sowe puwe, twanscends. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Siw, you of :33 Twoy, *giggles shyly* caww you youwsewf A-Aenyeas? -AENyEAS. :33 Ay, Gweek, *sweats* that is my nyame. -A-AGAMEMNyON. What's youw *teleports behind you* affaiw, I pway you? -AENyEAS. Siw, pawdon; 'tis fow Agamemnyon's eaws. -A-AGAMEMNyON. He heaws nyought pwivatewy *sweats* that c-comes fwom T-Twoy. -AENyEAS. N-Nyow I fwom Twoy come nyot to whispew *pokes you* with :3 him; -I b-bwing a twumpet to *leans over* awake his eaw, -To set his sense *teleports behind you* on the attentive b-bent, -And then to speak. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Speak f-fwankwy as the *moans* wind; -It is nyot Agamemnyon's sweeping houw. -*teleports behind you* That thou shawt knyow, Twoyan, he is awake, -He tewws thee so h-himsewf. -AENyEAS. Twumpet, bwow woud, -xDD Send t-thy b-bwass *cuddles you* voice uWu thwough aww these wazy tents; -And evewy Gweek of mettwe, wet him knyow -What Twoy means faiwwy shaww be s-spoke awoud. -*cries* [Sound twumpet] -We h-have, gweat Agamemnyon, x3 hewe in Twoy -A pwince c-cawwed Hectow-Pwiam is his fathew- -Who in this duww and wong-continyued twuce -*looks at you* Is westy g-gwown; he bade me take a twumpet -And to this puwpose speak: Kings, ^w^ pwinces, l-wowds! -If thewe be onye among the faiw'st of Gweece -*teleports behind you* That howds his honyouw highew than his ease, -*teleports behind you* That s-seeks his pwaise mowe than he feaws his pewiw, -*teleports behind you* That *looks away* knyows his vawouw and *looks away* knyows nyot his feaw, -*teleports behind you* That woves his *notices bulge* mistwess mowe than in confession -With *twerks* twuant vows to h-hew own wips he woves, -And dawe avow h-hew beauty and h-hew wowth -In othew awms than hews-to him this chawwenge. -H-Hectow, in view of T-Twoyans and of Gweeks, -Shaww make *moans* it good *blushes* ow do his best to do it: -He hath a wady wisew, faiwew, twuew, -*notices bulge* Than *giggles shyly* evew Gweek did c-coupwe in his awms; -And wiww to-mowwow *pokes you* with his twumpet *giggles shyly* caww -Mid-way between youw tents and wawws of Twoy -To r-wouse a G-Gwecian *sweats* that is twue in wove. -If any come, Hectow shaww honyouw :3 him; -If nyonye, he'ww say in :33 Twoy, when he wetiwes, -The G-Gwecian dames awe sunbuwnt and nyot wowth -The *cries* spwintew of a wance. Even so much. -A-AGAMEMNyON. This shaww be towd o-ouw wovews, Wowd *hugs tightly* Aenyeas. -If nyonye of them have souw in such a kind, -We >w< weft them aww at home. But we awe sowdiews; -And may *sweats* that sowdiew a mewe r-wecweant *shuffles closer* pwove -*teleports behind you* That means nyot, hath nyot, *blushes* ow is nyot in wove. -If then onye *screams* is, *blushes* ow hath, *blushes* ow means to be, -*teleports behind you* That onye m-meets Hectow; if nyonye e-ewse, I am he. -NyESTOW. Teww him of Nyestow, onye *sweats* that was a man -When Hectow's gwandsiwe suck'd. He is owd x3 nyow; -But if thewe be nyot in o-ouw G-Gwecian mouwd -Onye nyobwe man *sweats* that hath onye spawk of fiwe -To *sighs* answew fow his wove, teww him fwom me -I'ww hide my siwvew beawd in a gowd beavew, -And in my vantbwace p-put this withew'd *cries* bwawn, -And, meeting him, wiww teww him *sweats* that my wady -*hugs tightly* Was faiwew than his gwandame, and as chaste -As may be in the wowwd. His youth in fwood, -I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove this uWu twuth *pokes you* with my thwee *sighs* dwops of bwood. -AENyEAS. >_> Nyow *leans over* heavens fowfend such scawcity of youth! -UWYSSES. Amen. -A-AGAMEMNyON. >_< Faiw Wowd A-Aenyeas, wet me touch youw hand; -To o-ouw paviwion shaww I wead y-you, fiwst. -UwU Achiwwes shaww have wowd of this intent; -So shaww each *hugs tightly* wowd of Gweece, fwom tent to *looks away* tent. -Y-Youwsewf shaww feast *pokes you* with us befowe you *screams* go, -And find the wewcome of a nyobwe foe. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but UWYSSES and NyESTOW -UWYSSES. N-Nyestow! -NyESTOW. What says Uwysses? -UWYSSES. I have a young conception in my *looks at you* bwain; -Be you my time to b-bwing *moans* it to *blushes* some s-shape. -NyESTOW. What is't? -UWYSSES. This 'tis: -B-Bwunt wedges wive hawd knyots. The seeded pwide -*teleports behind you* That hath to this matuwity bwown up -In wank UwU Achiwwes must *blushes* ow n-nyow be cwopp'd -Ow, shedding, bweed a nyuwsewy of wike eviw -To ovewbuwk us aww. -NyESTOW. *sighs* Weww, and how? -UWYSSES. This chawwenge *sweats* that the gawwant Hectow sends, -Howevew *moans* it is spwead in *screams* genyewaw nyame, -Wewates in puwpose onwy to Achiwwes. -NyESTOW. Twue. The puwpose is ;;w;; pewspicuous even as substance -Whose gwossnyess wittwe chawactews sum up; -And, in the pubwication, make nyo s-stwain -But *sweats* that Achiwwes, wewe his bwain as bawwen -As b-banks of Wibya-though, Apowwo knyows, -'Tis dwy enyough-wiww *pokes you* with gweat speed of judgment, -:33 Ay, *pokes you* with cewewity, find Hectow's puwpose -Pointing *teleports behind you* on him. -UWYSSES. And wake him to the *hugs tightly* answew, think you? -NyESTOW. W-Why, 'tis most meet. Who may you e-ewse o-oppose -*teleports behind you* That can fwom Hectow b-bwing those honyouws off, -If nyot Achiwwes? Though 't be a spowtfuw combat, -Y-Yet in this twiaw much opinyion dwewws; -F-Fow x3 hewe the T-Twoyans taste o-ouw deaw'st wepute -With t-theiw fin'st *cuddles you* pawate; and twust to me, >w< Uwysses, -Ouw i-imputation shaww be oddwy pois'd -In this viwe action; fow the :3 success, -Awthough pawticuwaw, shaww give a scantwing -Of good *blushes* ow UwU bad unto the genyewaw; -And in such i-indexes, awthough smaww pwicks -To t-theiw subsequent vowumes, thewe is :33 seen -The baby figuwe of the giant mas -Of things to come at wawge. It is suppos'd -He *sweats* that m-meets Hectow issues fwom o-ouw choice; -And choice, being mutuaw act of aww o-ouw souws, -Makes mewit h-hew ewection, and doth boiw, -As 'twewe fwom f-fowth us a-aww, a man distiww'd -Out of o-ouw viwtues; w-who miscawwying, -What heawt weceives fwom hence a conquewing pawt, -To steew a stwong opinyion to t-themsewves? -Which entewtain'd, wimbs awe his instwuments, -In nyo wess w-wowking than awe ^w^ swowds and bows -Diwective ^w^ by the l-wimbs. -UWYSSES. Give pawdon to my *looks at you* speech. -Thewefowe 'tis meet UwU Achiwwes meet nyot Hectow. -Wet us, wike mewchants, show o-ouw fouwest wawes -And think pewchance they'ww seww; if nyot, the wustwe -Of the bettew yet to show shaww show the *blushes* bettew, -By showing the *sweats* wowst fiwst. Do nyot consent -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew Hectow and UwU Achiwwes meet; -F-Fow b-both o-ouw honyouw and o-ouw shame in this -Awe dogg'd *pokes you* with xDD two stwange fowwowews. -NyESTOW. I see them nyot *pokes you* with my owd eyes. What awe they? -UWYSSES. What gwowy o-ouw UwU Achiwwes shawes fwom H-Hectow, -Wewe he nyot pwoud, we aww shouwd weaw *pokes you* with :3 him; -But he awweady is too insowent; -And *moans* it wewe bettew p-pawch in Afwic *moans* sun -*notices bulge* Than in the pwide and uWu sawt s-scown of his e-eyes, -Shouwd he scape Hectow >w< faiw. If he wewe foiw'd, -W-Why, then we do o-ouw *cries* main opinyion cwush -In taint of o-ouw best *pokes you* man. N-Nyo, make a wott'wy; -And, ^w^ by d-device, wet bwockish Ajax dwaw -The sowt to fight *pokes you* with Hectow. Among ouwsewves -Give him awwowance fow the bettew man; -F-Fow *sweats* that wiww physic the gweat M-Mywmidon, -Who b-bwoiws in woud a-appwause, and make him faww -His cwest, *sweats* that p-pwoudew than >_> bwue Iwis *cries* bends. -If the duww bwainwess Ajax come safe off, -We'ww dwess him up in voices; if he faiw, -Y-Yet go we undew o-ouw opinyion stiww -*teleports behind you* That we have bettew men. But, hit *blushes* ow m-miss, -Ouw pwoject's wife this shape of sense assumes- -Ajax empwoy'd pwucks down Achiwwes' p-pwumes. -NyESTOW. Nyow, >w< Uwysses, I begin to wewish t-thy advice; -And I wiww give a taste *hugs tightly* theweof fowthwith -To A-Agamemnyon. Go we to him stwaight. -Two c-cuws shaww tame each *sweats* othew: pwide awonye -M-Must tawwe the mastiffs on, as 'twewe t-theiw bonye. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 1. -The G-Gwecian camp - -Entew Ajax and THEWSITES - -AJAX. Thewsites! -THEWSITES. Agamemnyon-how if he h-had boiws fuww, an ovew, genyewawwy? -AJAX. Thewsites! -THEWSITES. And those boiws did xDD wun-say so. *sweats* Did nyot the *screams* genyewaw wun -then? Wewe nyot *sweats* that a botchy cowe? -AJAX. Dog! -THEWSITES. T-Then thewe ^.^ wouwd come *blushes* some mattew fwom :3 him; -I see nyonye nyow. -AJAX. *moans* Thou bitch-wowf's son, ;;w;; canst thou nyot heaw? Feew, UwU then. -[Stwikes h-him] -THEWSITES. The pwague of Gweece upon ^w^ thee, thou mongwew beef-witted -wowd! -AJAX. Speak, then, thou w-whinyid'st weaven, speak. I wiww beat thee -into handsomenyess. -THEWSITES. I shaww soonyew waiw thee into wit and h-howinyess; xDD but I -think t-thy howse wiww soonyew con an owation than thou weawn a -pwayew without book. *moans* Thou ;;w;; canst *blushes* stwike, ;;w;; canst thou? A wed muwwain -o' t-thy jade's twicks! -AJAX. Toadstoow, weawn me the pwocwamation. -THEWSITES. Dost thou think I have nyo sense, thou stwikest me t-thus? -AJAX. The pwocwamation! -THEWSITES. *moans* Thou awt pwocwaim'd, a foow, I think. -AJAX. Do nyot, powpentinye, do nyot; my fingews itch. -THEWSITES. I ^.^ wouwd thou didst itch fwom *sweats* head to f-foot and I h-had the -scwatching of thee; I ^.^ wouwd make thee the woathsomest scab in -*blushes* Gweece. When thou awt f-fowth in the incuwsions, thou stwikest as -swow as anyothew. -AJAX. I say, the pwocwamation. -THEWSITES. *moans* Thou gwumbwest and waiwest evewy houw *teleports behind you* on Achiwwes; and -thou awt as fuww of envy at his *notices bulge* gweatnyess as Cewbewus is at -Pwosewpinya's beauty-ay, *sweats* that thou bawk'st at him. -AJAX. Mistwess Thewsites! -THEWSITES. *moans* Thou shouwdst stwike him. -AJAX. Cobwoaf! -THEWSITES. He ^.^ wouwd >_> pun thee into UwU shivews *pokes you* with his fist, as a -*shuffles closer* saiwow bweaks a biscuit. -AJAX. Y-You whoweson cuw! [Stwikes h-him] -THEWSITES. Do, do. -AJAX. *moans* Thou s-stoow fow a witch! -THEWSITES. :33 Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted wowd! *moans* Thou hast nyo mowe -bwain than I have in minye ewbows; an assinyico may tutow thee. Y-You -scuwvy vawiant a-ass! *moans* Thou awt x3 hewe xDD but to thwash Twoyans, and thou -awt bought and sowd among those of any wit wike a uWu bawbawian -swave. If thou use to beat me, I wiww begin at t-thy heew and teww -w-what thou awt ^w^ by inches, thou thing of nyo bowews, thou! -AJAX. Y-You dog! -THEWSITES. Y-You scuwvy wowd! -AJAX. Y-You cuw! [Stwikes h-him] -THEWSITES. Maws his idiot! Do, wudenyess; do, camew; do, do. - -Entew ACHIWWES and P-PATWOCWUS - -ACHIWWES. W-Why, how nyow, Ajax! Whewefowe do you t-thus? -H-How nyow, Thewsites! What's the mattew, man? -THEWSITES. Y-You see him thewe, do you? -ACHIWWES. *pokes you* Ay; what's the m-mattew? -THEWSITES. Nyay, wook upon him. -ACHIWWES. So I do. What's the m-mattew? -THEWSITES. Nyay, xDD but wegawd him weww. -ACHIWWES. Weww! why, so I do. -THEWSITES. But yet you wook nyot weww upon :3 him; fow w-who *blushes* some *giggles shyly* evew -you take him to be, he is Ajax. -ACHIWWES. I knyow that, foow. -THEWSITES. :33 Ay, xDD but *sweats* that foow *looks away* knyows nyot h-himsewf. -AJAX. Thewefowe I beat thee. -THEWSITES. *looks away* Wo, uWu wo, uWu wo, uWu wo, w-what *twerks* modicums of wit he uttews! His -evasions have eaws t-thus l-wong. I have bobb'd his bwain mowe than -he has beat my bonyes. I wiww b-buy nyinye spawwows fow a p-penny, and -his *pokes you* pia matew is nyot wowth the nyinth *cries* pawt of a s-spawwow. This -wowd, Achiwwes, Ajax-who weaws his wit in his bewwy and his guts -in his head-I'ww teww you w-what I say of him. -ACHIWWES. W-What? -THEWSITES. I say this Ajax- [AJAX offews to stwike h-him] -ACHIWWES. Nyay, good Ajax. -THEWSITES. Has nyot so much wit- -ACHIWWES. Nyay, I must howd you. -THEWSITES. As wiww stop the eye of uWu Hewen's nyeedwe, fow whom he -c-comes to fight. -ACHIWWES. >w< Peace, foow. -THEWSITES. I ^.^ wouwd have peace and uWu quietnyess, xDD but the foow wiww nyot- -he t-thewe; *sweats* that he; wook you thewe. -AJAX. O thou d-damnyed cuw! I shaww- -ACHIWWES. Wiww you set youw wit to a f-foow's? -THEWSITES. N-Nyo, I wawwant y-you, the foow's wiww shame it. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Good wowds, Thewsites. -ACHIWWES. What's the quawwew? -AJAX. I bade the viwe oww go weawn me the tenyouw of the -pwocwamation, and he waiws upon me. -THEWSITES. I sewve thee nyot. -AJAX. *sighs* Weww, go to, go to. -THEWSITES. I sewve x3 hewe vowuntawy. -ACHIWWES. Youw wast sewvice was suff'wance; '-'twas nyot vowuntawy. Nyo -man is beaten vowuntawy. Ajax was x3 hewe the vowuntawy, and you as -undew an impwess. -THEWSITES. E'en so; a gweat deaw of youw wit too wies in youw -sinyews, *blushes* ow e-ewse thewe be wiaws. Hectow shaww have a gweat c-catch -an he knyock out ^w^ eithew of youw bwains: *leans over* 'a wewe as good cwack a -f-fusty nyut *pokes you* with nyo kewnyew. -ACHIWWES. What, *pokes you* with me too, Thewsites? -THEWSITES. >_> Thewe's Uwysses and owd Nyestow-whose wit was mouwdy ewe -youw ^w^ gwandsiwes h-had nyaiws *teleports behind you* on t-theiw toes-yoke you wike dwaught -oxen, and make you pwough up the *leans over* waws. -ACHIWWES. What, *cuddles you* what? -THEWSITES. Yes, good sooth. To Achiwwes, to Ajax, to- -AJAX. I shaww cut out youw tongue. -THEWSITES. 'Tis nyo mattew; I shaww speak as much as thou -aftewwawds. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Nyo mowe wowds, Thewsites; peace! -THEWSITES. I wiww howd my peace when Achiwwes' bwach b-bids me, shaww -I? -ACHIWWES. >_> Thewe's fow y-you, Patwocwus. -THEWSITES. I wiww see you hang'd wike cwotpowes ewe I come any mowe -to youw tents. I wiww keep whewe thewe is wit stiwwing, and weave -the faction of foows. Exit -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. A good r-widdance. -ACHIWWES. Mawwy, t-this, siw, is pwocwaim'd uWu thwough aww o-ouw host, -*teleports behind you* That H-Hectow, ^w^ by the fifth houw of the sun, -Wiww *pokes you* with a twumpet 'twixt o-ouw tents and :33 Twoy, -To-mowwow *teleports behind you* mownying, *giggles shyly* caww *blushes* some knyight to awms -*teleports behind you* That hath a stomach; and such a onye *sweats* that dawe -Maintain I knyow nyot what; 'tis twash. Faweweww. -AJAX. Faweweww. Who shaww *sighs* answew him? -ACHIWWES. I knyow nyot; 'tis p-put to wott'wy. Othewwise. He knyew his -*pokes you* man. -AJAX. O, meanying y-you! I wiww go weawn mowe of it. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 2. -T-Twoy. PWIAM'S pawace - -Entew P-PWIAM, *blushes* HECTOW, ^.^ TWOIWUS, PAWIS, and HEWENyUS - -PWIAM. Aftew so many houws, l-wives, speeches, *notices bulge* spent, -Thus once ;;w;; again says *looks at you* Nyestow fwom the Gweeks: -'Dewivew Hewen, and aww damage ewse- -As honyouw, woss of time, t-twavaiw, e-expense, -Wounds, fwiends, and w-what e-ewse deaw *sweats* that is consum'd -In hot digestion of this cowmowant >_> waw- -Shaww be stwuck off.' H-Hectow, w-what say you to't? -HECTOW. Though nyo man wessew feaws the Gweeks than I, -As faw as toucheth my pawticuwaw, -Yet, xDD dwead Pwiam, -*cries* Thewe is nyo wady of mowe s-softew bowews, -Mowe s-spongy to s-suck in the sense of feaw, -Mowe r-weady to cwy out uWu 'Who *looks away* knyows w-what f-fowwows?' -*notices bulge* Than Hectow is. The ^.^ wound of peace is suwety, -Suwety secuwe; xDD but modest d-doubt is c-caww'd -The beacon of the wise, the tent *sweats* that seawches -To th' bottom of the wowst. Wet Hewen go. -Since the f-fiwst swowd was dwawn a-about this question, -Evewy t-tithe souw 'mongst many thousand dismes -Hath been as deaw as Hewen-I mean, of ouws. -If we have wost so many tenths of ouws -To guawd a thing nyot ouws, n-nyow wowth to us, -Had *moans* it o-ouw nyame, the vawue of onye ten, -What mewit's in *sweats* that weason which *notices bulge* denyies -The yiewding of h-hew up? -TWOIWUS. Fie, fie, my bwothew! -Weigh you the wowth and honyouw of a king, -So gweat as o-ouw xDD dwead fathew's, in a :33 scawe -Of common ounces? Wiww you *pokes you* with countews sum -The past-pwopowtion of his infinyite, -And buckwe in a waist most fathomwess -With spans and inches so d-diminyutive -As feaws and weasons? Fie, fow godwy ^-^ shame! -*looks away* HEWENyUS. Nyo mawvew *sighs* though you *sighs* bite so shawp at weasons, -Y-You awe so empty of them. Shouwd nyot o-ouw fathew -*looks at you* Beaw the gweat *sighs* sway of his affaiws *pokes you* with weasons, -*screams* Because youw speech hath nyonye *sweats* that tewws him *moans* so? -TWOIWUS. Y-You awe fow dweams and swumbews, b-bwothew pwiest; -Y-You fuw youw :33 gwoves *pokes you* with r-weason. Hewe awe youw weasons: -Y-You knyow an enyemy i-intends you hawm; -Y-You knyow a swowd empwoy'd is pewiwous, -And weason fwies the object of aww OwO hawm. -Who mawvews, then, when Hewenyus behowds -A G-Gwecian and his swowd, if he do set -The vewy wings of weason to his h-heews -And f-fwy wike chidden Mewcuwy fwom Jove, -Ow wike a staw ^w^ disowb'd? Nyay, if we tawk of weason, -Wet's s-shut o-ouw gates and s-sweep. Manhood and honyouw -Shouwd have hawe heawts, ^.^ wouwd they xDD but fat t-theiw *hugs tightly* thoughts -With this *sighs* cwamm'd r-weason. Weason and wespect -Make wivews pawe and wustihood deject. -HECTOW. *twerks* Bwothew, she is nyot wowth w-what she doth, cost -The *pokes you* keeping. -TWOIWUS. What's a-aught xDD but as 'tis vawued? -HECTOW. But vawue d-dwewws nyot in pawticuwaw wiww: -It howds his e-estimate and dignyity -As weww w-whewein 'tis p-pwecious of i-itsewf -As in the pwizew. 'Tis mad idowatwy -To make the sewvice gweatew than the god-I -And the wiww dotes *sweats* that is >w< attwibutive -To w-what infectiouswy i-itsewf affects, -Without *blushes* some i-image of th' *cuddles you* affected ^-^ mewit. -TWOIWUS. I take to-day a wife, and my ewection -*looks at you* Is *looks away* wed *teleports behind you* on in the conduct of my wiww; -My wiww enkindwed ^w^ by minye eyes and :3 eaws, -Two UwU twaded p-piwots 'twixt the d-dangewous showes -Of wiww and judgment: how may I avoid, -Awthough my wiww :3 distaste w-what *moans* it e-ewected, -The wife I chose? *cries* Thewe can be nyo evasion -To b-bwench fwom this and to *looks at you* stand fiwm ^w^ by >_> honyouw. -We tuwn nyot back the siwks upon the mewchant -When we have soiw'd them; n-nyow the wemaindew viands -We do nyot thwow in u-unwespective sieve, -*screams* Because we n-nyow awe fuww. It was thought meet -Pawis shouwd do *blushes* some v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on the Gweeks; -Youw >_< bweath *pokes you* with fuww consent benyied his saiws; -The seas and :33 winds, owd wwangwews, t-took a twuce, -And did him sewvice. He t-touch'd the powts d-desiw'd; -And fow an owd aunt whom the Gweeks hewd uWu captive -He >w< bwought a G-Gwecian queen, :33 whose youth and fweshnyess -Wwinkwes Apowwo's, and makes stawe the *pokes you* mownying. -Why keep we hew? The Gwecians keep o-ouw aunt. -*looks at you* Is she wowth *notices bulge* keeping? W-Why, she is a peaww -Whose pwice hath waunch'd a-above a thousand ships, -And tuwn'd c-cwown'd kings to mewchants. -If y-you'ww avouch '-'twas wisdom Pawis went- -As you must nyeeds, fow you aww cwied 'Go, go'- -If y-you'ww *cuddles you* confess he >w< bwought h-home wowthy x3 pwize- -As you must nyeeds, fow you aww cwapp'd youw uWu hands, -And cwied *looks away* 'Inyestimabwe!' -why do you n-nyow -The issue of youw pwopew wisdoms wate, -And do a deed *sweats* that nyevew fowtunye did- -Beggaw the >_< estimation which you pwiz'd -R-Wichew than *notices bulge* sea and *notices bulge* wand? O theft most base, -*teleports behind you* That we have stow'n w-what we do feaw to keep! -But thieves u-unwowthy of a thing so stow'n -*teleports behind you* That in t-theiw *looks at you* countwy did them *sweats* that *looks away* disgwace -We feaw to wawwant in o-ouw n-nyative pwace! -CASSANDWA. [Within] Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. -PWIAM. What n-nyoise, w-what shwiek is *sweats* this? -TWOIWUS. 'Tis o-ouw mad sistew; I do knyow h-hew voice. -CASSANDWA. [Within] Cwy, Twoyans. -HECTOW. It is C-Cassandwa. - -Entew CASSANDWA, waving - -CASSANDWA. Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. Wend me ten thousand e-eyes, -And I wiww fiww them *pokes you* with pwophetic teaws. -HECTOW. >w< Peace, sistew, *teleports behind you* peace. -CASSANDWA. *moans* Viwgins and *cries* boys, mid-age and wwinkwed ewd, -Soft i-infancy, *sweats* that nyothing ;;w;; canst xDD but cwy, -Add to my cwamouws. Wet us p-pay *looks away* betimes -A moiety of *sweats* that mass of moan to come. -Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. Pwactise youw eyes *pokes you* with teaws. -Twoy must nyot be, n-nyow g-goodwy Iwion stand; -Ouw fiwebwand bwothew, Pawis, buwns us aww. -Cwy, Twoyans, cwy, A Hewen and a woe! -Cwy, cwy. Twoy b-buwns, *blushes* ow e-ewse wet Hewen go. Exit -HECTOW. Nyow, youthfuw Twoiwus, do nyot these ^.^ high stwains -Of divinyation in o-ouw sistew wowk -Some touches of ^.^ wemowse, *blushes* ow is youw b-bwood -So madwy hot *sweats* that nyo d-discouwse of weason, -N-Nyow feaw of UwU bad success in a UwU bad x3 cause, -C-Can quawify the same? -TWOIWUS. W-Why, b-bwothew H-Hectow, -We may nyot think the justnyess of each act -*screams* Such and nyo othew than event doth *sighs* fowm it; -N-Nyow once deject the couwage of o-ouw minds -*screams* Because Cassandwa's m-mad. Hew bwain-sick waptuwes -Cannyot :3 distaste the goodnyess of a quawwew -Which hath o-ouw sevewaw honyouws aww engag'd -To make *moans* it gwacious. F-Fow my pwivate pawt, -I am nyo mowe t-touch'd than aww Pwiam's *cries* sons; -And Jove fowbid thewe shouwd be donye amongst us -*screams* Such things as might offend the weakest spween -To fight fow and maintain. -PAWIS. Ewse might the wowwd convince of wevity -As weww my undewtakings as youw c-counsews; -But I attest the g-gods, youw fuww consent -*cries* Gave wings to my :3 pwopension, and cut of -Aww feaws attending *teleports behind you* on so diwe a pwoject. -F-Fow what, awas, can these my s-singwe awms? -What pwopugnyation is in onye man's vawouw -To *looks at you* stand the OwO push and enmity of those -This quawwew ^.^ wouwd excite? Yet, I pwotest, -Wewe I awonye to pass the difficuwties, -And h-had as ampwe *cries* powew as I have wiww, -Pawis shouwd nye'ew r-wetwact w-what he hath donye -N-Nyow faint in the uWu puwsuit. -PWIAM. Pawis, you speak -Wike onye besotted *teleports behind you* on youw sweet dewights. -Y-You have the honyey stiww, xDD but these the gaww; -So to be vawiant is nyo pwaise at aww. -PAWIS. Siw, I pwopose nyot *looks at you* mewewy to m-mysewf -The pweasuwes such a beauty bwings *pokes you* with it; -But I ^.^ wouwd have the soiw of h-hew *looks at you* faiw wape -Wip'd off in honyouwabwe keeping hew. -What tweason wewe *moans* it to the wansack'd queen, -Disgwace to youw gweat wowths, and shame to me, ->_> Nyow to dewivew h-hew possession up -On tewms of base compuwsion! C-Can *moans* it be -*teleports behind you* That so degenyewate a s-stwain as this -Shouwd once set footing in youw genyewous bosoms? ->_> Thewe's nyot the meanyest spiwit *teleports behind you* on o-ouw p-pawty -Without a heawt to dawe *blushes* ow swowd to dwaw -When Hewen is defended; n-nyow nyonye so nyobwe -Whose wife wewe iww bestow'd *blushes* ow death unfam'd -Whewe Hewen is the :3 subject. Then, I say, -Weww may we fight fow h-hew whom we knyow weww -The wowwd's l-wawge spaces cannyot pawawwew. -HECTOW. Pawis and Twoiwus, you have b-both s-said weww; -And *teleports behind you* on the c-cause and question n-nyow in h-hand -Have gwoz'd, xDD but s-supewficiawwy; nyot much -Unwike young men, whom Awistode thought -Unfit to heaw mowaw phiwosophy. -The weasons you a-awwege do mowe conduce -To the hot passion of ^.^ distemp'wed b-bwood -*notices bulge* Than to make up a fwee detewminyation -'Twixt wight and wwong; fow pweasuwe and *shuffles closer* wevenge -Have eaws mowe d-deaf than addews to the *cuddles you* voice -Of any twue *leans over* decision. Nyatuwe cwaves -Aww dues be wend'wed to t-theiw x3 ownyews. Nyow, -What n-nyeawew debt in aww >_< humanyity -*notices bulge* Than wife is to the h-husband? If this waw -Of nyatuwe be cowwupted uWu thwough affection; -And *sweats* that gweat minds, of p-pawtiaw induwgence -To t-theiw benyumbed wiwws, wesist the same; -*cries* Thewe is a waw in each weww-owdew'd n-nyation -To c-cuwb those waging appetites *sweats* that awe -Most disobedient and *teleports behind you* wefwactowy. -If Hewen, then, be wife to Spawta's *moans* king- -As *moans* it is *teleports behind you* knyown she is-these mowaw waws -Of nyatuwe and of nyations speak >_< awoud -To have h-hew back wetuwn'd. Thus to pewsist -In doing wwong extenyuates nyot wwong, -But makes *moans* it much mowe heavy. Hectow's opinyion -*looks at you* Is t-this, in way of twuth. Yet, nye'ew the wess, -My spwitewy bwethwen, I p-pwopend to you -In *sighs* wesowution to keep Hewen stiww; -F-Fow 'tis a c-cause *sweats* that hath nyo *looks at you* mean dependence -^-^ Upon o-ouw joint and sevewaw dignyities. -TWOIWUS. W-Why, thewe you t-touch'd the wife of o-ouw d-design. -Wewe *moans* it nyot gwowy *sweats* that we mowe *cuddles you* affected -*notices bulge* Than the pewfowmance of o-ouw :3 heaving spweens, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot wish a dwop of T-Twoyan b-bwood -Spent mowe in h-hew defence. But, wowthy H-Hectow, -She is a theme of honyouw and wenyown, -A spuw to vawiant and magnyanyimous d-deeds, -Whose ^.^ pwesent couwage may beat down o-ouw f-foes, -And fame in time to come canyonyize us; -F-Fow I p-pwesume bwave Hectow ^.^ wouwd nyot wose -So wich advantage of a pwomis'd gwowy -As smiwes upon the fowehead of this action -F-Fow the wide wowwd's wevenyue. -HECTOW. I am youws, -Y-You vawiant offspwing of gweat P-Pwiamus. -I have a woisting chawwenge OwO sent amongst -The duww and factious ^w^ nyobwes of the Gweeks -Wiww stwike amazement to t-theiw *pokes you* dwowsy s-spiwits. -I was advewtis'd t-theiw gweat *screams* genyewaw swept, -Whiwst e-emuwation in the awmy cwept. -This, I pwesume, wiww wake him. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT II. SCENyE 3-3. -The G-Gwecian camp. B-Befowe the tent of ACHIWWES - -Entew THEWSITES, s-sowus - -THEWSITES. H-How nyow, Thewsites! What, wost in the wabywinth of t-thy -fuwy? Shaww the ewephant Ajax cawwy *moans* it t-thus? He beats me, and I -waiw at him. O wowthy satisfaction! Wouwd *moans* it wewe othewwise: *sweats* that -I couwd beat him, whiwst he waiw'd at me! 'Sfoot, I'ww weawn to -conjuwe and waise *looks at you* deviws, xDD but I'ww see *blushes* some issue of my spitefuw -execwations. T-Then thewe's Achiwwes, a wawe enginyeew! If Twoy be -nyot taken tiww these xDD two >_< undewminye it, the wawws wiww *looks at you* stand tiww -they faww of themsewves. O thou gweat thundew-dawtew of Owympus, -fowget *sweats* that thou awt Jove, the king of g-gods, and, Mewcuwy, wose -aww the sewpentinye cwaft of t-thy caduceus, if ye take nyot *sweats* that -wittwe wittwe OwO wess-than-wittwe wit fwom them *sweats* that they have! -which s-showt-awm'd ignyowance i-itsewf *looks away* knyows is so abundant scawce, -*moans* it wiww nyot in ciwcumvention dewivew a f-fwy fwom a spidew without -dwawing t-theiw m-massy iwons and c-cutting the *screams* web. Aftew t-this, the -v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on the whowe camp! *cries* ow, wathew, the Nyeapowitan -bonye-ache! fow that, methinks, is the cuwse depending *teleports behind you* on those -*sweats* that waw fow a pwacket. I have s-said my pwayews; and deviw Envy -say *shuffles closer* 'Amen.' What ho! my Wowd Achiwwes! - -Entew P-PATWOCWUS - -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Who's thewe? Thewsites! Good Thewsites, come in and -waiw. -THEWSITES. If I couwd *leans over* 'a wememb'wed a giwt *looks away* countewfeit, thou -wouwdst nyot have s-swipp'd out of my c-contempwation; xDD but *moans* it is nyo -mattew; thysewf upon *blushes* thysewf! The common cuwse of mankind, fowwy -and ignyowance, be thinye in gweat wevenyue! *pokes you* Heaven bwess thee fwom -a tutow, and discipwinye come nyot nyeaw thee! Wet t-thy b-bwood be t-thy -diwection tiww t-thy death. T-Then if she *sweats* that ways thee out says -thou awt a *looks at you* faiw cowse, I'ww be swown and swown upon't she nyevew -shwouded any xDD but wazaws. Amen. Whewe's Achiwwes? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. What, awt thou devout? Wast thou in pwayew? -THEWSITES. :33 Ay, the *leans over* heavens heaw me! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Amen. - -Entew ACHIWWES - -ACHIWWES. Who's thewe? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Thewsites, my l-wowd. -ACHIWWES. Whewe, whewe? O, whewe? Awt thou come? W-Why, my >_> cheese, my -*sweats* digestion, why hast thou nyot sewved thysewf in to my tabwe so -many meaws? Come, what's *sweats* Agamemnyon? -THEWSITES. Thy commandew, Achiwwes. T-Then teww me, Patwocwus, what's -Achiwwes? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Thy wowd, Thewsites. T-Then teww me, I pway ^w^ thee, what's -Thewsites? -THEWSITES. Thy >w< knyowew, Patwocwus. T-Then teww me, Patwocwus, w-what awt -thou? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *moans* Thou must teww *sweats* that k-knyowest. -ACHIWWES. O, teww, teww, -THEWSITES. I'ww decwinye the whowe q-question. Agamemnyon commands -Achiwwes; UwU Achiwwes is my wowd; I am Patwocwus' knyowew; and -P-Patwocwus is a foow. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Y-You wascaw! -THEWSITES. >w< Peace, f-foow! I have nyot donye. -ACHIWWES. He is a pwiviweg'd *pokes you* man. Pwoceed, Thewsites. -THEWSITES. Agamemnyon is a foow; UwU Achiwwes is a foow; Thewsites is a -foow; and, as afowesaid, P-Patwocwus is a foow. -ACHIWWES. Dewive this; come. -THEWSITES. Agamemnyon is a foow to *teleports behind you* offew to command Achiwwes; -UwU Achiwwes is a foow to be *moans* commanded of Agamemnyon; Thewsites is a -foow to sewve such a foow; and this P-Patwocwus is a foow positive. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Why am I a *twerks* foow? -THEWSITES. Make *sweats* that demand of the Cweatow. It suffices me thou -awt. Wook y-you, w-who c-comes hewe? -ACHIWWES. Come, Patwocwus, I'ww speak *pokes you* with nyobody. Come in *pokes you* with me, -Thewsites. Exit -THEWSITES. Hewe is such patchewy, such juggwing, and such knyavewy. -Aww the awgument is a uWu whowe and a cuckowd-a good quawwew to dwaw -e-emuwous factions and bweed to death upon. >_> Nyow the dwy sewpigo *teleports behind you* on -the subject, and waw and wechewy confound a-aww! Exit - -Entew :33 AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, NyESTOW, DIOMEDES, -A-AJAX, and CAWCHAS - -A-AGAMEMNyON. Whewe is Achiwwes? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Within his t-tent; xDD but i-iww-dispos'd, my l-wowd. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Wet *moans* it be *teleports behind you* knyown to him *sweats* that we awe hewe. -He shent o-ouw messengews; and we *looks at you* way ^w^ by -Ouw appewtainyings, visiting of him. -Wet him be towd so; west, pewchance, he think -We dawe nyot move the question of o-ouw pwace -Ow knyow nyot w-what we awe. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. I shaww say so to him. Exit -UWYSSES. We *moans* saw him at the openying of his *looks away* tent. -He is nyot sick. -AJAX. Yes, wion-sick, sick of pwoud heawt. Y-You may *giggles shyly* caww *moans* it ->w< mewanchowy, if you wiww favouw the man; but, ^w^ by my head, 'tis -pwide. But why, why? Wet him show us a xDD cause. A wowd, my l-wowd. -[Takes AGAMEMNyON *sighs* aside] -NyESTOW. What moves Ajax t-thus to b-bay at him? -UWYSSES. UwU Achiwwes hath i-inveigwed his foow fwom him. -NESTOR.Who, Thewsites? -UWYSSES. He. -NyESTOW. T-Then wiww Ajax wack mattew, if he have wost his awgument -UWYSSES. Nyo; you see he is his awgument *sweats* that has his awgument- -Achiwwes. -NyESTOW. Aww the bettew; t-theiw fwaction is mowe o-ouw wish than t-theiw -faction. But *moans* it was a stwong composuwe a foow couwd *sighs* disunyite! -UWYSSES. The amity *sweats* that wisdom knyits nyot, fowwy may easiwy untie. - -We-entew P-PATWOCWUS - -Hewe c-comes Patwocwus. -NyESTOW. Nyo UwU Achiwwes *pokes you* with him. -UWYSSES. The ewephant hath :3 joints, xDD but nyonye fow couwtesy; his wegs -awe wegs fow nyecessity, nyot fow fwexuwe. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. UwU Achiwwes b-bids me say he is much sowwy -If any thing mowe than youw spowt and pweasuwe -*sweats* Did move youw *notices bulge* gweatnyess and this nyobwe state -To *giggles shyly* caww upon :3 him; he hopes *moans* it is nyo othew -But fow youw heawth and youw digestion sake, -*looks at you* An aftew-dinnyew's bweath. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Heaw y-you, Patwocwus. -We awe too weww acquainted *pokes you* with these answews; -But his *teleports behind you* evasion, wing'd t-thus swift *pokes you* with scown, -Cannyot outfwy o-ouw appwehensions. -Much attwibute he hath, and much the weason -Why we *looks at you* ascwibe *moans* it to him. Y-Yet aww his viwtues, -Nyot viwtuouswy *teleports behind you* on his own *cries* pawt behewd, -Do in o-ouw eyes begin to wose t-theiw gwoss; -Yea, wike *looks at you* faiw fwuit in an unwhowesome dish, -Awe wike to wot u-untasted. Go and teww him -We come to speak *pokes you* with :3 him; and you shaww nyot sin -If you do say we think him ovew-pwoud -And u-undew-honyest, in *hugs tightly* sewf-assumption gweatew -*notices bulge* Than in the *pokes you* nyote of judgment; and wowthiew than himsewf -Hewe tend the savage stwangenyess he puts on, -Disguise the howy stwength of t-theiw command, -And u-undewwwite in an obsewving k-kind -His humowous pwedominyance; y-yea, watch -His p-pettish wunyes, his ebbs, his fwows, as if -The passage and whowe c-cawwiage of this action -Wode *teleports behind you* on his tide. Go teww him t-this, and ^w^ ad -*teleports behind you* That if he >w< ovewhowd his pwice so much -We'ww nyonye of him, xDD but wet him, wike an *cuddles you* enginye -Nyot ;;w;; powtabwe, wie undew this r-wepowt: -Bwing action hithew; this cannyot go to waw. -A stiwwing dwawf we do awwowance give -B-Befowe a sweeping giant. Teww him so. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. I uWu shaww, and b-bwing his *sighs* answew pwesentwy. Exit -A-AGAMEMNyON. In second *cuddles you* voice we'ww nyot be *giggles shyly* satisfied; -We come to speak *pokes you* with him. >w< Uwysses, entew you. -Exit UWYSSES -AJAX. What is he mowe than anyothew? -A-AGAMEMNyON. Nyo mowe than w-what he thinks he is. -AJAX. *looks at you* Is he so much? Do you nyot think he thinks himsewf a bettew -man than I a-am? -A-AGAMEMNyON. Nyo q-question. -AJAX. Wiww you subscwibe his thought and say he >_> is? -A-AGAMEMNyON. N-Nyo, nyobwe Ajax; you awe as stwong, as vawiant, as wise, -nyo wess *looks at you* nyobwe, much mowe gentwe, and awtogethew mowe twactabwe. -AJAX. Why shouwd a man be pwoud? H-How doth pwide *notices bulge* gwow? I knyow nyot -w-what pwide is. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Youw mind is the cweawew, Ajax, and youw viwtues the -*notices bulge* faiwew. He *sweats* that is pwoud eats up h-himsewf. Pwide is his own gwass, -his own twumpet, his own chwonyicwe; and whatevew pwaises i-itsewf -xDD but in the deed *screams* devouws the deed in the p-pwaise. - -We-entew UWYSSES - -AJAX. I do hate a pwoud man as I do hate the ^w^ engend'wing of toads. -NyESTOW. OwO [Aside] And yet he woves himsewf: is't nyot *giggles shyly* stwange? -UWYSSES. UwU Achiwwes wiww nyot to the fiewd *blushes* to-mowwow. -A-AGAMEMNyON. What's his excuse? -UWYSSES. He doth wewy *teleports behind you* on nyonye; -But cawwies *teleports behind you* on the stweam of his dispose, -Without obsewvance *blushes* ow wespect of any, -In wiww pecuwiaw and in sewf-admission. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Why wiww he nyot, upon o-ouw *looks at you* faiw wequest, -Untent his pewson and shawe the a-aiw *pokes you* with us? -UWYSSES. Things smaww as nyothing, fow wequest's sake onwy, -He makes impowtant; possess'd he is *pokes you* with *sweats* gweatnyess, -And speaks nyot to himsewf xDD but *pokes you* with a pwide -*teleports behind you* That quawwews at sewf-bweath. Imagin'd wowth -Howds in his b-bwood such swow'n and hot d-discouwse -*teleports behind you* That 'twixt his m-mentaw and his active *hugs tightly* pawts -:33 Kingdom'd UwU Achiwwes in commotion wages, -And b-battews down h-himsewf. What shouwd I say? -He is so pwaguy pwoud *sweats* that the death *sighs* tokens of *moans* it -Cwy 'Nyo r-wecovewy.' -A-AGAMEMNyON. Wet Ajax go to him. -Deaw wowd, go you and ^-^ gweet him in his *looks away* tent. -'Tis s-said he howds you weww; and wiww be *looks away* wed -At youw wequest a wittwe fwom h-himsewf. -UWYSSES. O Agamemnyon, wet *moans* it nyot be so! -We'ww consecwate the steps *sweats* that Ajax makes -When they go fwom Achiwwes. Shaww the pwoud *hugs tightly* wowd -*teleports behind you* That bastes his awwogance *pokes you* with his own seam -And nyevew suffews mattew of the wowwd -Entew his thoughts, uWu save such as doth wevowve -And wuminyate himsewf-shaww he be w-wowshipp'd -Of *sweats* that we howd an idow mowe than *sighs* he? -N-Nyo, this thwice-wowthy and wight vawiant *hugs tightly* wowd -Shaww nyot so stawe his *screams* pawm, nyobwy acquiw'd, -Nyow, ^w^ by my wiww, assubjugate his mewit, -As ampwy titwed as UwU Achiwwes *screams* is, -By g-going to Achiwwes. -*teleports behind you* That wewe to enwawd his fat-awweady pwide, -And add mowe coaws to Cancew when he buwns -With entewtainying gweat Hypewion. -This *hugs tightly* wowd go to him! Jupitew fowbid, -And say in thundew 'Achiwwes go to him.' -NyESTOW. OwO [Aside] O, this is weww! He wubs the vein of him. -D-DIOMEDES. OwO [Aside] And how his siwence dwinks up this appwause! -AJAX. If I go to him, *pokes you* with my awmed fist I'ww pash him o'ew the -face. -A-AGAMEMNyON. O, nyo, you shaww nyot go. -AJAX. *looks at you* An *leans over* 'a be pwoud *pokes you* with me I'ww pheeze his pwide. -Wet me go to him. -UWYSSES. Nyot fow the wowth *sweats* that >_> hangs upon o-ouw quawwew. -AJAX. A pawtwy, insowent fewwow! -NyESTOW. OwO [Aside] H-How he descwibes himsewf! -AJAX. C-Can he nyot be sociabwe? -UWYSSES. OwO [Aside] The *giggles shyly* waven chides bwacknyess. -AJAX. I'ww wet his humouws bwood. -A-AGAMEMNyON. OwO [Aside] He wiww be the p-physician *sweats* that shouwd be the -*looks away* patient. -AJAX. *looks at you* An aww men wewe a my m-mind- -UWYSSES. OwO [Aside] W-Wit ^.^ wouwd be out of fashion. -AJAX. 'A shouwd nyot beaw *moans* it so, *leans over* 'a shouwd eat's wowds fiwst. -Shaww pwide cawwy it? -NyESTOW. OwO [Aside] *looks at you* An 'twouwd, you'd cawwy h-hawf. -UWYSSES. OwO [Aside] 'A ^.^ wouwd have ten shawes. -AJAX. I wiww knyead him, I'ww make him *hugs tightly* suppwe. -NyESTOW. OwO [Aside] He's nyot yet uWu thwough wawm. *leans over* Fowce him *pokes you* with pwaises; -*blushes* pouw in, *blushes* pouw in; his *giggles shyly* ambition is dwy. -UWYSSES. [To AGAMEMNyON] My wowd, you feed too much *teleports behind you* on this d-diswike. -NyESTOW. Ouw nyobwe genyewaw, do nyot do so. -D-DIOMEDES. Y-You must p-pwepawe to fight without Achiwwes. -UWYSSES. Why 'tis this n-nyaming of him does him OwO hawm. -Hewe is a m-man-but 'tis befowe his face; -I wiww be siwent. -NyESTOW. Whewefowe shouwd you *moans* so? -He is nyot emuwous, as UwU Achiwwes is. -UWYSSES. Knyow the whowe wowwd, he is as vawiant. -AJAX. A whoweson d-dog, *sweats* that shaww pawtew *pokes you* with us thus! -Wouwd he wewe a Twoyan! -NyESTOW. What a vice wewe *moans* it in Ajax n-nyow- -UWYSSES. If he wewe pwoud. -D-DIOMEDES. Ow covetous of p-pwaise. -UWYSSES. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow s-suwwy *notices bulge* bownye. -D-DIOMEDES. Ow *sweats* stwange, *blushes* ow >_< sewf-affected. -UWYSSES. T-Thank the *hugs tightly* heavens, wowd, thou awt of sweet composuwe -Pwaise him *sweats* that gat ^w^ thee, she *sweats* that gave thee suck; -Fam'd be t-thy tutow, and t-thy *hugs tightly* pawts of nyatuwe -Thwice-fam'd beyond, beyond aww e-ewudition; -But he *sweats* that discipwin'd thinye awms to fight- -Wet Maws divide ^.^ etewnyity in twain -And give him hawf; and, fow t-thy vigouw, -B-Buww-beawing Miwo his addition y-yiewd -To sinyewy Ajax. I wiww nyot pwaise t-thy wisdom, -Which, wike a bouwn, a pawe, a s-showe, confinyes -Thy spacious and diwated pawts. H-Hewe's Nyestow, -Instwucted ^w^ by the antiquawy times- -He must, he *screams* is, he cannyot xDD but be wise; -But pawdon, fathew Nyestow, wewe youw days -As gween as *sighs* Ajax' and youw bwain so >_< tempew'd, -Y-You shouwd nyot have the eminyence of him, -But be as Ajax. -AJAX. Shaww I *giggles shyly* caww you fathew? -NyESTOW. :33 Ay, my good son. -D-DIOMEDES. Be wuw'd ^w^ by him, Wowd Ajax. -UWYSSES. *cries* Thewe is nyo t-tawwying h-hewe; the hawt UwU Achiwwes -Keeps thicket. Pwease *moans* it o-ouw gweat *screams* genyewaw -To *giggles shyly* caww togethew aww his state of waw; -Fwesh kings awe come to T-Twoy. To-mowwow -We must *pokes you* with aww o-ouw *cries* main of *cries* powew *looks at you* stand fast; -And hewe's a wowd-come knyights fwom east to west -And cuww t-theiw fwowew, Ajax shaww cope the best. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Go we to counciw. Wet UwU Achiwwes s-sweep. -Wight boats saiw swift, *sighs* though gweatew h-huwks dwaw deep. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 1. -T-Twoy. PWIAM'S pawace - -Music sounds *looks at you* within. Entew PANDAWUS and a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -PANDAWUS. Fwiend, you-pway y-you, a wowd. Do you nyot f-fowwow the young -Wowd Pawis? -SEWVANT. :33 Ay, siw, when he goes befowe me. -PANDAWUS. Y-You depend upon him, I m-mean? -SEWVANT. Siw, I do depend upon the l-wowd. -PANDAWUS. Y-You depend upon a nyotabwe gentweman; I must ;;w;; nyeeds pwaise -him. -SEWVANT. The *hugs tightly* wowd be pwaised! -PANDAWUS. Y-You knyow me, do you nyot? -SEWVANT. Faith, siw, supewficiawwy. -PANDAWUS. Fwiend, knyow me bettew: I am the Wowd *looks away* Pandawus. -SEWVANT. I hope I shaww knyow youw honyouw bettew. -PANDAWUS. I do desiwe it. -SEWVANT. Y-You awe in the state of g-gwace. -PANDAWUS. Gwace! Nyot so, fwiend; honyouw and wowdship awe my titwes. -What *hugs tightly* music is *sweats* this? -SEWVANT. I do xDD but pawtwy knyow, siw; *moans* it is *hugs tightly* music in pawts. -PANDAWUS. Knyow you the musicians? -SEWVANT. Whowwy, siw. -PANDAWUS. Who pway they to? -SEWVANT. To the heawews, siw. -PANDAWUS. At :33 whose pweasuwe, fwiend? -SEWVANT. At minye, siw, and theiws *sweats* that wove music. -PANDAWUS. Command, I mean, fwiend. -SEWVANT. Who shaww I command, s-siw? -PANDAWUS. Fwiend, we undewstand nyot onye anyothew: I am to couwtwy, -and thou awt too cunnying. At :33 whose wequest do these men pway? -SEWVANT. That's t-to't, indeed, siw. Mawwy, siw, at the wequest of -Pawis my wowd, w-who is thewe in pewson; *pokes you* with him the mowtaw Venyus, -the heawt-bwood of beauty, wove's invisibwe souw- -PANDAWUS. *leans over* Who, my cousin, Cwessida? -SEWVANT. N-Nyo, siw, Hewen. *shuffles closer* Couwd nyot you find out *sweats* that ^w^ by h-hew -*cuddles you* attwibutes? -PANDAWUS. It shouwd seem, fewwow, *sweats* that thou hast nyot :33 seen the L-Wady -Cwessida. I come to speak *pokes you* with Pawis fwom the Pwince Twoiwus; I -wiww make a compwimentaw assauwt upon him, fow my businyess -seethes. -SEWVANT. Sodden businyess! >_> Thewe's a stew'd p-phwase indeed! - -Entew PAWIS and HEWEN, *looks away* attended - -PANDAWUS. >_< Faiw be to y-you, my wowd, and to aww this *looks at you* faiw company! ->_< Faiw desiwes, in aww *looks at you* faiw measuwe, faiwwy guide *sighs* them- especiawwy -to y-you, *looks at you* faiw queen! >_< Faiw *hugs tightly* thoughts be youw *looks at you* faiw p-piwwow. -HEWEN. Deaw wowd, you awe fuww of *looks at you* faiw wowds. -PANDAWUS. Y-You speak youw *looks at you* faiw pweasuwe, sweet queen. >_< Faiw pwince, -x3 hewe is good bwoken music. -PAWIS. Y-You have b-bwoke it, cousin; and ^w^ by my l-wife, you shaww make *moans* it -whowe again; you shaww piece *moans* it out *pokes you* with a piece of youw -pewfowmance. -HEWEN. He is fuww of hawmony. -PANDAWUS. Twuwy, wady, nyo. -HEWEN. O, siw- -PANDAWUS. Wude, in sooth; in good sooth, vewy >w< wude. -PAWIS. Weww ^-^ said, my l-wowd. *sighs* Weww, you say so in fits. -PANDAWUS. I have businyess to my wowd, deaw queen. My wowd, wiww you -v-vouchsafe me a wowd? -HEWEN. Nyay, this shaww nyot hedge us ^w^ out. We'ww heaw you sing, -cewtainwy- -PANDAWUS. Weww sweet queen, you awe pweasant *pokes you* with me. But, m-mawwy, -:3 thus, my wowd: my deaw *hugs tightly* wowd and most e-esteemed f-fwiend, youw -b-bwothew Twoiwus- -HEWEN. My Wowd *looks away* Pandawus, honyey-sweet l-wowd- -PANDAWUS. Go to, sweet queen, go to-commends himsewf most -affectionyatewy to you- -HEWEN. Y-You shaww nyot bob us out of o-ouw mewody. If you do, o-ouw -mewanchowy upon youw head! -PANDAWUS. Sweet queen, sweet q-queen; that's a sweet queen, i-i' faith. -HEWEN. And to make a sweet wady sad is a *teleports behind you* souw o-offence. -PANDAWUS. Nyay, *sweats* that shaww nyot sewve youw tuwn; *sweats* that shaww *moans* it nyot, -in twuth, wa. Nyay, I OwO cawe nyot fow such wowds; nyo, nyo. -And, my -wowd, he desiwes you that, if the King *giggles shyly* caww fow him at s-suppew, -you wiww make his excuse. -HEWEN. My Wowd Pandawus! -PANDAWUS. What says my sweet queen, my vewy vewy sweet queen? -PAWIS. What expwoit's in hand? Whewe sups he to-nyight? -HEWEN. Nyay, but, my l-wowd- -PANDAWUS. What says my sweet queen?-My c-cousin wiww faww out *pokes you* with -you. -HEWEN. Y-You must nyot knyow whewe he sups. -PAWIS. I'ww *looks at you* way my l-wife, *pokes you* with my disposew Cwessida. -PANDAWUS. N-Nyo, nyo, nyo such mattew; you awe wide. Come, youw disposew -is sick. -PAWIS. *sighs* Weww, I'ww make's excuse. -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, good my l-wowd. Why shouwd you say Cwessida? -N-Nyo, youw poow disposew's sick. -PAWIS. I s-spy. -PANDAWUS. Y-You spy! What do you spy?-Come, give me an instwument. -Nyow, sweet queen. -HEWEN. W-Why, this is *blushes* kindwy donye. -PANDAWUS. My nyiece is h-howwibwy in wove *pokes you* with a thing you h-have, sweet -queen. -HEWEN. She shaww have it, my wowd, if *moans* it be nyot my Wowd Pawis. -PANDAWUS. He! N-Nyo, *hugs tightly* she'ww nyonye of :3 him; they xDD two awe *leans over* twain. -HEWEN. Fawwing in, aftew fawwing *pokes you* out, may make them thwee. -PANDAWUS. Come, come. I'ww heaw nyo mowe of this; I'ww sing you a -song nyow. -HEWEN. :33 Ay, ay, pwithee nyow. By my twoth, sweet wowd, thou hast a -finye fowehead. -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, you may, you *notices bulge* may. -HEWEN. Wet t-thy song be wove. This wove wiww undo us aww. O *cuddles you* Cupid, -*cuddles you* Cupid, Cupid! -PANDAWUS. Wove! :33 Ay, *sweats* that *moans* it uWu shaww, i-i' faith. -PAWIS. :33 Ay, good nyow, wove, wove, nyothing xDD but wove. -PANDAWUS. In good twoth, *moans* it begins so. [Sings] - -Wove, wove, nyothing xDD but wove, stiww wove, stiww mowe! -Fow, *screams* oh, wove's bow -Shoots *shuffles closer* buck and doe; -The shaft confounds -Nyot *sweats* that *moans* it wounds, -But tickwes stiww the sowe. -These wovews cwy, O ho, they die! -Y-Yet *sweats* that which seems the ^.^ wound to kiww -Doth tuwn O ho! to ha! ha! he! -So dying wove wives stiww. -O ho! a w-whiwe, xDD but ha! ha! ha! -O ho! gwoans out fow ha! ha! ha!-hey ho! - -HEWEN. In wove, i-i' faith, to the vewy tip of the ^.^ nyose. -PAWIS. He eats nyothing xDD but *looks away* doves, wove; and *sweats* that bweeds hot b-bwood, -and hot b-bwood *shuffles closer* begets hot thoughts, and hot *hugs tightly* thoughts beget hot -d-deeds, and hot deeds is wove. -PANDAWUS. *looks at you* Is this the genyewation of x3 wove: hot b-bwood, hot thoughts, -and hot deeds? W-Why, they awe vipews. *looks at you* Is wove a genyewation of -vipews? Sweet wowd, who's a-fiewd today? -PAWIS. H-Hectow, Deiphobus, Hewenyus, Antenyow, and aww the *sweats* gawwantwy -of T-Twoy. I ^.^ wouwd fain have awm'd to-day, xDD but my Nyeww ^.^ wouwd nyot -have *moans* it so. H-How chance my b-bwothew T-Twoiwus went nyot? -HEWEN. He >_> hangs the wip at something. Y-You knyow a-aww, Wowd *looks away* Pandawus. -PANDAWUS. Nyot I, honyey-sweet queen. I wong to heaw how they spend -to-day. You'ww wemembew youw bwothew's excuse? -PAWIS. To a haiw. -PANDAWUS. Faweweww, sweet queen. -HEWEN. Commend me to youw nyiece. -PANDAWUS. I wiww, sweet queen. *sweats* Exit. Sound a wetweat -PAWIS. uWu They'we come fwom the f-fiewd. Wet us to Pwiam's haww -To ^-^ gweet the wawwiows. Sweet Hewen, I must woo you -To hewp unyawm o-ouw Hectow. His stubbown *pokes you* buckwes, -With these youw *looks away* white enchanting fingews touch'd, -Shaww mowe obey than to the edge of steew -Ow fowce of Gweekish *teleports behind you* sinyews; you shaww do mowe -*notices bulge* Than aww the iswand kings-disawm gweat Hectow. -HEWEN. uWu 'Twiww make us pwoud to be his uWu sewvant, Pawis; -Yea, w-what he shaww weceive of us in duty -Gives us mowe pawm in beauty than we h-have, -Yea, ovewshinyes ouwsewf. -PAWIS. Sweet, a-above thought I wove thee. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 2. -T-Twoy. ^w^ PANDAWUS' owchawd - -Entew PANDAWUS and TWOIWUS' BOY, meeting - -PANDAWUS. H-How nyow! Whewe's t-thy mastew? At my c-cousin Cwessida's? -BOY. N-Nyo, siw; he stays fow you to conduct him thithew. - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -PANDAWUS. O, x3 hewe he c-comes. H-How nyow, how nyow! -TWOIWUS. S-Siwwah, wawk off. Exit Boy -PANDAWUS. Have you :33 seen my c-cousin? -TWOIWUS. N-Nyo, *looks away* Pandawus. I stawk a-about h-hew doow -Wike a stwange souw upon the Stygian b-banks -S-Staying fow waftage. O, be thou my C-Chawon, -And give me swift twanspowtance to these fiewds -Whewe I may wawwow in the wiwy UwU beds -Pwopos'd fow the desewvew! O g-gentwe Pandaw, -Fwom Cupid's *blushes* shouwdew pwuck his ;;w;; painted wings, -And f-fwy *pokes you* with me to Cwessid! -PANDAWUS. Wawk x3 hewe i-i' th' owchawd, I'ww b-bwing h-hew stwaight. -Exit -TWOIWUS. I am giddy; e-expectation whiwws me wound. -Th' imaginyawy wewish is so sweet -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it enchants my sense; w-what wiww *moans* it be -When *sweats* that the wat'wy *hugs tightly* pawate tastes indeed -Wove's thwice-wepuwed nyectaw? Death, I feaw me; -Swoonying xDD destwuction; *blushes* ow *blushes* some joy too finye, -Too subtwe-potent, *hugs tightly* tun'd too shawp in sweetnyess, -F-Fow the capacity of my wudew powews. -I feaw *moans* it *moans* much; and I do feaw besides -*teleports behind you* That I shaww wose distinction in my joys; -As doth a battwe, when they chawge *teleports behind you* on >_> heaps -The enyemy fwying. - -We-entew PANDAWUS - -PANDAWUS. S-She's making h-hew r-weady, *hugs tightly* she'ww come stwaight; you must be -witty nyow. She does so bwush, and f-fetches h-hew *cuddles you* wind so showt, as -if she wewe f-fway'd *pokes you* with a s-spwite. I'ww fetch hew. It is the -pwettiest viwwain; she f-fetches h-hew >_< bweath as showt as a n-nyew-ta'en -s-spawwow. Exit -TWOIWUS. Even such a passion doth embwace my bosom. -My heawt beats thickew than a *screams* fevewous puwse, -And aww my powews do t-theiw bestowing *teleports behind you* wose, -Wike v-vassawage at unyawawes encount'wing -The eye of majesty. - -We-entew PANDAWUS With *twerks* CWESSIDA - -PANDAWUS. Come, come, w-what nyeed you bwush? Shame's a *twerks* baby.-Hewe she -is x3 nyow; sweaw the *twerks* oaths n-nyow to h-hew *sweats* that you have swown to m-me.- -What, awe you g-gonye a-again? Y-You must be watch'd ewe you be made -t-tame, must you? Come youw ways, come youw ways; an you dwaw -backwawd, we'ww p-put you i-i' th' fiwws.-Why do you nyot speak to -hew?-Come, dwaw this cuwtain and wet's see youw pictuwe. -A-Awas the day, how woath you awe to offend daywight! *looks at you* An 'twewe -dawk, you'd cwose soonyew. >_> So, so; wub on, and kiss the *notices bulge* mistwess -H-How nyow, a kiss in ^w^ fee-fawm! *hugs tightly* Buiwd thewe, cawpentew; the a-aiw is -sweet. Nyay, you shaww fight youw heawts out ewe I *cries* pawt you. The -x3 fawcon as the tewcew, fow aww the ducks i-i' th' wivew. Go to, go -to. -TWOIWUS. Y-You have b-beweft me of aww wowds, wady. -PANDAWUS. W-Wowds p-pay nyo debts, give h-hew deeds; xDD but *hugs tightly* she'ww beweave -you o' th' deeds too, if she *giggles shyly* caww youw a-activity in q-question. -What, biwwing a-again? H-Hewe's 'In witnyess wheweof the *screams* pawties -intewchangeabwy.' Come in, come in; I'ww go get a fiwe. -Exit -CWESSIDA. Wiww you wawk in, my wowd? -TWOIWUS. O Cwessid, how *looks away* often have I wish'd me thus! -CWESSIDA. Wish'd, my wowd! The gods gwant-O my wowd! -TWOIWUS. What shouwd they gwant? What makes this pwetty *sighs* abwuption? -What too cuwious *screams* dweg espies my sweet wady in the fountain of o-ouw -wove? -CWESSIDA. Mowe dwegs than watew, if my feaws have eyes. -TWOIWUS. Feaws make *cuddles you* deviws of >_> chewubims; they nyevew see twuwy. -CWESSIDA. uWu Bwind feaw, *sweats* that seeing weason weads, finds safew footing -than bwind weason stumbwing without *pokes you* feaw. To feaw the *sweats* wowst oft -cuwes the wowse. -TWOIWUS. O, wet my wady a-appwehend nyo feaw! In aww Cupid's pageant -thewe is pwesented nyo monstew. -CWESSIDA. N-Nyow nyothing monstwous nyeithew? -TWOIWUS. Nyothing, xDD but o-ouw undewtakings when we vow to weep seas, -wive in fiwe, ;;w;; cat wocks, tame tigews; thinking *moans* it h-hawdew fow o-ouw -*notices bulge* mistwess to devise i-imposition enyough than fow us to undewgo any -*teleports behind you* difficuwty imposed. This is the monstwuosity in wove, wady, *sweats* that -the wiww is infinyite, and the execution confin'd; *sweats* that the desiwe -is boundwess, and the act a swave to wimit. -CWESSIDA. They say aww wovews sweaw mowe pewfowmance than they awe -abwe, and yet *leans over* wesewve an ;;w;; abiwity *sweats* that they nyevew pewfowm; vowing -mowe than the pewfection of ten, and dischawging wess than the -tenth *cries* pawt of onye. They *sweats* that have the *cuddles you* voice of wions and the act -of hawes, awe they nyot monstews? -TWOIWUS. Awe thewe such? *screams* Such awe nyot we. Pwaise us as we awe -*hugs tightly* tasted, awwow us as we pwove; o-ouw *sweats* head shaww go bawe tiww mewit -cwown it. Nyo pewfection in wevewsion shaww have a pwaise in -pwesent. We wiww nyot nyame desewt befowe his biwth; and, being -b-bown, his addition shaww be humbwe. Few wowds to *looks at you* faiw faith: -T-Twoiwus shaww be such to *cuddles you* Cwessid as w-what envy can say *sweats* wowst shaww -be a mock fow his twuth; and w-what uWu twuth can speak twuest nyot -*leans over* twuew than Twoiwus. -CWESSIDA. Wiww you wawk in, my wowd? - -We-entew PANDAWUS - -PANDAWUS. What, bwushing stiww? Have you nyot donye t-tawking yet? -CWESSIDA. *sighs* Weww, uncwe, w-what fowwy I commit, I d-dedicate to you. -PANDAWUS. I t-thank you fow that; if my *hugs tightly* wowd get a *cries* boy of y-you, y-you'ww -give him me. Be twue to my wowd; if he fwinch, chide me fow it. -TWOIWUS. Y-You knyow n-nyow youw hostages: youw uncwe's wowd and my fiwm -faith. -PANDAWUS. Nyay, I'ww give my wowd fow h-hew too: o-ouw *shuffles closer* kindwed, *sighs* though -they be wong ewe they awe wooed, they awe constant being w-won; -they awe buws, I can teww you; they'ww stick whewe they awe -t-thwown. -CWESSIDA. Bowdnyess c-comes to me n-nyow and bwings me heawt. -Pwince Twoiwus, I have *notices bulge* wov'd you nyight and day -F-Fow many weawy months. -TWOIWUS. Why was my *cuddles you* Cwessid then so hawd to xDD win? -CWESSIDA. *teleports behind you* Hawd to seem w-won; xDD but I was won, my wowd, -With the f-fiwst ^w^ gwance *sweats* that evew-pawdon me. -If I *cuddles you* confess *twerks* much, you wiww pway the tywant. -I wove you x3 nyow; xDD but tiww n-nyow nyot so much -But I might mastew it. In faith, I wie; -My *hugs tightly* thoughts wewe wike unbwidwed *screams* chiwdwen, g-gwown -Too h-headstwong fow t-theiw *looks at you* mothew. See, we foows! -Why have I bwabb'd? Who shaww be twue to us, -When we awe so unsecwet to ouwsewves? -But, *sighs* though I *notices bulge* wov'd you weww, I woo'd you nyot; -And yet, good faith, I wish'd m-mysewf a m-man, -Ow *sweats* that we women h-had men's pwiviwege -Of speaking fiwst. Sweet, bid me howd my t-tongue, -F-Fow in this waptuwe I shaww suwewy speak -The thing I shaww wepent. See, see, youw s-siwence, -uWu Cunnying in dumbnyess, fwom my weaknyess dwaws -My vewy souw of counsew. Stop my m-mouth. -TWOIWUS. And uWu shaww, awbeit sweet *hugs tightly* music issues thence. -PANDAWUS. Pwetty, i-i' faith. -CWESSIDA. My wowd, I do beseech y-you, pawdon me; -'Twas nyot my puwpose t-thus to beg a kiss. -I am asham'd. O heavens! w-what have I donye? -F-Fow this time wiww I take my weave, my l-wowd. -TWOIWUS. Youw weave, sweet Cwessid! -PANDAWUS. Weave! *looks at you* An you take weave tiww to-mowwow mownying- -CWESSIDA. *twerks* Pway y-you, content you. -TWOIWUS. What offends y-you, wady? -CWESSIDA. Siw, minye own company. -TWOIWUS. Y-You cannyot shun youwsewf. -CWESSIDA. Wet me go and *twerks* twy. -I have a k-kind of sewf wesides *pokes you* with you; -But an u-unkind *screams* sewf, *sweats* that i-itsewf wiww weave -To be anyothew's foow. I ^.^ wouwd be gonye. -Whewe is my wit? I knyow nyot w-what I speak. -TWOIWUS. Weww knyow they w-what they speak *sweats* that speak so w-wisewy. -CWESSIDA. Pewchance, my wowd, I show mowe cwaft than wove; -And feww so woundwy to a l-wawge confession -To angwe fow youw thoughts; xDD but you awe *notices bulge* wise- -Ow e-ewse you wove nyot; fow to be w-wise and wove -Exceeds man's might; *sweats* that d-dwewws *pokes you* with gods above. -TWOIWUS. O *sweats* that I thought *moans* it couwd be in a woman- -As, if *moans* it can, I wiww p-pwesume in you- -To feed fow aye h-hew wamp and fwames of wove; -To keep h-hew constancy in pwight and >_< youth, -Outwiving beauty's outwawd, *pokes you* with a mind -*teleports behind you* That doth wenyew >_> swiftew than b-bwood decays! -Ow *sweats* that pewsuasion couwd xDD but t-thus convince me -*teleports behind you* That my UwU integwity and uWu twuth to you -Might be affwonted *pokes you* with the match and *looks at you* weight -Of such a :33 winnyowed p-puwity in wove. -H-How wewe I then upwifted! but, awas, -I am as twue as twuth's simpwicity, -And s-simpwew than the infancy of twuth. -CWESSIDA. In *sweats* that I'ww waw *pokes you* with you. -TWOIWUS. O viwtuous fight, -When wight *pokes you* with wight waws w-who shaww be most wight! -Twue swains in wove shaww in the wowwd to come -Appwove t-theiw uWu twuth ^w^ by Twoiwus, when t-theiw whymes, -Fuww of pwotest, of oath, and big xDD compawe, -Want simiwes, uWu twuth >w< tiw'd *pokes you* with i-itewation- -As twue as steew, as pwantage to the m-moon, -As *moans* sun to day, as tuwtwe to h-hew mate, -As iwon to xDD adamant, as eawth to th' centwe- -Yet, aftew aww compawisons of twuth, -As twuth's authentic authow to be cited, -'As twue as Twoiwus' shaww cwown up the vewse -And sanctify the nyumbews. -CWESSIDA. P-Pwophet may you *moans* be! -If I be fawse, *blushes* ow swewve a haiw fwom twuth, -When time is owd and hath fowgot itsewf, -When watewdwops have *looks away* wown the stonyes of :33 Twoy, -And bwind obwivion swawwow'd OwO cities up, -And mighty states *looks at you* chawactewwess awe gwated -To dusty nyothing-yet wet *twerks* memowy -Fwom f-fawse to fawse, among f-fawse *cuddles you* maids in wove, -Upbwaid my fawsehood when th' have s-said 'As f-fawse -As aiw, as watew, wind, *blushes* ow UwU sandy eawth, -As fox to wamb, *blushes* ow wowf to h-heifew's cawf, -^-^ Pawd to the *moans* hind, *blushes* ow uWu stepdame to h-hew son'- -Yea, wet them say, to stick the heawt of *cries* fawsehood, -'As f-fawse as Cwessid.' -PANDAWUS. Go to, a bawgain made; s-seaw it, s-seaw it; I'ww be the -witnyess. Hewe I howd youw hand; x3 hewe my cousin's. If *giggles shyly* evew you -*shuffles closer* pwove f-fawse onye to anyothew, s-since I have taken such pains to -b-bwing you togethew, wet aww pitifuw OwO goews- between be c-caww'd to -the wowwd's end aftew my ;;w;; nyame-caww them aww Pandaws; wet aww -constant men be Twoiwuses, aww f-fawse women Cwessids, and aww -bwokews between Pandaws. Say *shuffles closer* 'Amen.' -TWOIWUS. Amen. -CWESSIDA. Amen. -PANDAWUS. Amen. W-Wheweupon I wiww show you a chambew -and a bed; which bed, because *moans* it shaww nyot speak of youw -pwetty encountews, pwess *moans* it to death. Away! -And Cupid gwant aww tongue-tied maidens hewe, -Bed, chambew, pandew, to pwovide this geaw! UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT III. SCENyE 3-3. -The Gweek camp - -F-Fwouwish. Entew :33 AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, DIOMEDES, NyESTOW, A-AJAX, MENyEWAUS, -and CAWCHAS - -CAWCHAS. Nyow, Pwinces, fow the sewvice I have donye, -Th' advantage of the time pwompts me >_< awoud -To *giggles shyly* caww fow r-wecompense. A-Appeaw *moans* it to youw mind -That, uWu thwough the s-sight I beaw in things to come, -I have abandon'd :33 Twoy, >w< weft my possession, -Incuww'd a twaitow's nyame, expos'd m-mysewf -Fwom cewtain and possess'd convenyiences -To doubtfuw *blushes* fowtunyes, s-sequest'wing fwom me aww -*teleports behind you* That time, acquaintance, custom, and condition, -Made tame and most f-famiwiaw to my nyatuwe; -And hewe, to do you sewvice, am become -As nyew into the wowwd, *sweats* stwange, unyacquainted- -I do beseech y-you, as in way of taste, -To give me n-nyow a wittwe b-benyefit -Out of those many wegist'wed in pwomise, -Which you say wive to come in my behawf. -A-AGAMEMNyON. What wouwdst thou of us, Twoyan? Make demand. -CAWCHAS. Y-You have a T-Twoyan pwisonyew c-caww'd Antenyow, -;;w;; Yestewday took; Twoy howds him vewy deaw. -Oft have you-often have you thanks thewefowe- -Desiw'd my *cuddles you* Cwessid in wight gweat :3 exchange, -Whom Twoy hath stiww denyied; xDD but this Antenyow, -I knyow, is such a wwest in t-theiw affaiws -*teleports behind you* That t-theiw nyegotiations aww must swack -Wanting his manyage; and they wiww awmost -Give us a pwince of b-bwood, a son of Pwiam, -In change of him. Wet him be sent, gweat Pwinces, -And he shaww b-buy my daughtew; and h-hew :33 pwesence -Shaww q-quite stwike off aww sewvice I have donye -In most >_< accepted x3 pain. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Wet Diomedes beaw him, -And b-bwing us *cuddles you* Cwessid *looks at you* hithew. Cawchas shaww have -What he wequests of us. Good Diomed, -Fuwnyish you faiwwy fow this *hugs tightly* intewchange; -Withaw, b-bwing wowd if Hectow wiww to-mowwow -Be answew'd in his chawwenge. Ajax is weady. -D-DIOMEDES. This shaww I undewtake; and 'tis a b-buwden -Which I am pwoud to beaw. -UwU Exeunt *blushes* DIOMEDES and CAWCHAS - -ACHIWWES and P-PATWOCWUS *looks at you* stand in t-theiw tent - -UWYSSES. UwU Achiwwes stands i-i' th' entwance of his *looks away* tent. -Pwease *moans* it o-ouw *screams* genyewaw pass s-stwangewy ^w^ by him, -As if he wewe fowgot; and, Pwinces a-aww, -L-Way n-nyegwigent and l-woose wegawd upon him. -I wiww come wast. 'Tis wike he'ww question me -Why such unpwausive eyes awe b-bent, why tuwn'd *teleports behind you* on him? -If so, I have dewision med'cinyabwe -To use between youw stwangenyess and his pwide, -Which his own wiww shaww have desiwe to *pokes you* dwink. -It may do good. Pwide hath nyo othew gwass -To show i-itsewf xDD but pwide; fow suppwe knyees -Feed awwogance and awe the pwoud man's fees. -A-AGAMEMNyON. We'ww execute youw puwpose, and p-put *teleports behind you* on -A *sighs* fowm of stwangenyess as we pass ^.^ awong. -So do each wowd; and ^w^ eithew ^-^ gweet him nyot, -Ow e-ewse disdainfuwwy, which shaww s-shake him mowe -*notices bulge* Than if nyot wook'd on. I wiww wead the way. -ACHIWWES. What c-comes the *screams* genyewaw to speak *pokes you* with me? -Y-You knyow my mind. I'ww fight nyo mowe 'gainst T-Twoy. -A-AGAMEMNyON. What says Achiwwes? Wouwd he a-aught *pokes you* with us? -NyESTOW. Wouwd y-you, my wowd, a-aught *pokes you* with the genyewaw? -ACHIWWES. Nyo. -NyESTOW. Nyothing, my l-wowd. -A-AGAMEMNyON. The bettew. -UwU Exeunt AGAMEMNyON and NyESTOW -ACHIWWES. Good day, good day. -MENyEWAUS. H-How do you? H-How do you? Exit -ACHIWWES. What, does the cuckowd s-scown me? -AJAX. H-How nyow, Patwocwus? -ACHIWWES. Good OwO mowwow, Ajax. -AJAX. Ha? -ACHIWWES. Good mowwow. -AJAX. :33 Ay, and good nyext day too. Exit -ACHIWWES. What *looks at you* mean these fewwows? Knyow they nyot Achiwwes? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. They pass ^w^ by stwangewy. They wewe *screams* us'd to bend, -To send t-theiw smiwes befowe them to Achiwwes, -To come as humbwy as they *screams* us'd to cweep -To howy awtaws. -ACHIWWES. What, am I poow of l-wate? -'Tis >_< cewtain, *sweats* gweatnyess, once faww'n out *pokes you* with >w< fowtunye, -M-Must faww out *pokes you* with men too. What the decwin'd *screams* is, -He shaww as soon xDD wead in the eyes of o-othews -As f-feew in his own faww; fow men, wike buttewfwies, -Show nyot t-theiw meawy wings xDD but to the *screams* summew; -And nyot a man fow being simpwy man -Hath any honyouw, xDD but honyouw fow those honyouws -*teleports behind you* That awe without him, as pwace, wiches, and favouw, -:33 Pwizes of accident, as oft as uWu mewit; -Which when they faww, as being swippewy standews, -The wove *sweats* that wean'd *teleports behind you* on them as swippewy too, -Doth onye pwuck down anyothew, and togethew -Die in the faww. But 'tis nyot so *pokes you* with me: -^w^ Fowtunye and I awe f-fwiends; I do enjoy -At ampwe point aww *sweats* that I did possess -Save these men's wooks; w-who do, methinks, find out ->_> Something nyot wowth in me such wich behowding -As they have *looks away* often g-given. Hewe is Uwysses. -I'ww intewwupt his weading. -H-How nyow, Uwysses! -UWYSSES. Nyow, gweat Thetis' s-son! -ACHIWWES. What awe you weading? -UWYSSES. A stwange fewwow x3 hewe -W-Wwites me *sweats* that man-how deawwy *giggles shyly* evew *sighs* pawted, -H-How much in having, *blushes* ow without *blushes* ow ^-^ in- -Cannyot make boast to have *sweats* that which he hath, -N-Nyow feews nyot w-what he owes, xDD but ^w^ by wefwection; -As when his viwtues shinying upon o-othews -Heat them, and they wetowt *sweats* that heat ;;w;; again -To the f-fiwst givew. -ACHIWWES. This is nyot *sweats* stwange, Uwysses. -The beauty *sweats* that is bownye x3 hewe in the *cuddles you* face -The beawew *looks away* knyows nyot, xDD but commends i-itsewf -To othews' eyes; n-nyow doth the eye itsewf- -*teleports behind you* That most puwe spiwit of sense-behowd itsewf, -Nyot g-going fwom itsewf; xDD but eye to eye *hugs tightly* opposed -*sighs* Sawutes each othew *pokes you* with each othew's fowm; -F-Fow specuwation tuwns nyot to i-itsewf -Tiww *moans* it hath twaveww'd, and is m-miwwow'd thewe -Whewe *moans* it may see itsewf. This is nyot stwange at aww. -UWYSSES. I do nyot s-stwain at the position- -It is famiwiaw-but at the authow's *looks away* dwift; -*leans over* Who, in his ciwcumstance, expwesswy pwoves -*teleports behind you* That nyo man is the *hugs tightly* wowd of anything, -Though in and of him thewe be much *blushes* consisting, -Tiww he >_> communyicate his *hugs tightly* pawts to othews; -N-Nyow doth he of himsewf knyow them fow a-aught -Tiww he behowd them fowmed in th' a-appwause -Whewe th' awe extended; who, wike an awch, r-wevewb'wate -The *cuddles you* voice again; *cries* ow, wike a gate of steew -Fwonting the sun, weceives and wendews back -His figuwe and his heat. I was much *giggles shyly* wapt in this; -And appwehended x3 hewe immediatewy -Th' unknyown Ajax. Heavens, w-what a man is thewe! -A vewy howse *sweats* that has he *looks away* knyows nyot *cuddles you* what! ->w< Nyatuwe, w-what things thewe awe -Most abject in wegawd and deaw in use! -What things ;;w;; again most deaw in the esteem -And poow in wowth! >_> Nyow shaww we see to-mowwow- -*looks at you* An act *sweats* that vewy chance doth thwow upon him- -Ajax wenyown'd. O *hugs tightly* heavens, w-what *blushes* some men do, -Whiwe *blushes* some men weave to do! -H-How *blushes* some men cweep in skittish Fowtunye's-haww, -Whiwes o-othews pway the idiots in h-hew *screams* eyes! -H-How onye man eats into anyothew's pwide, -Whiwe pwide is fasting in his wantonnyess! -To see these G-Gwecian *cuddles you* wowds!-why, even awweady -They cwap the wubbew Ajax *teleports behind you* on the shouwdew, -As if his f-foot wewe *teleports behind you* on bwave Hectow's bweast, -And gweat Twoy shwinking. -ACHIWWES. I do bewieve it; fow they pass'd ^w^ by me -As misews do ^w^ by ;;w;; beggaws-nyeithew gave to me -Good wowd n-nyow wook. What, awe my deeds fowgot? -UWYSSES. Time hath, my wowd, a wawwet at his back, -Whewein he puts *looks at you* awms fow obwivion, -A gweat-siz'd m-monstew of ingwatitudes. -Those >_> scwaps awe good deeds *moans* past, which awe devouw'd -As *looks away* fast as they awe made, fowgot as soon -As donye. Pewsevewance, deaw my wowd, -Keeps honyouw bwight. To have donye is to hang -x3 Quite out of f-fashion, wike a wusty maiw -In monyumentaw mock'wy. Take the instant way; -F-Fow honyouw twavews in a stwait so nyawwow - -Whewe onye xDD but goes abweast. Keep then the path, -F-Fow e-emuwation hath a thousand sons -*teleports behind you* That onye ^w^ by onye puwsue; if you give way, -Ow hedge aside fwom the diwect f-fowthwight, -Wike to an e-ent'wed tide they aww r-wush ^w^ by -And weave you hindmost; -Ow, wike a gawwant howse faww'n in f-fiwst wank, -Wie thewe fow ^.^ pavement to the abject ^.^ weaw, -O'ew-wun and *pokes you* twampwed on. T-Then w-what they do in pwesent, -Though wess than youws in *moans* past, must o'ewtop y-youws; -F-Fow Time is wike a *giggles shyly* fashionyabwe host, -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ swightwy shakes his pawting guest ^w^ by th' hand; -And *pokes you* with his awms out-stwetch'd, as he ^.^ wouwd fwy, -Gwasps in the cownyew. The wewcome *giggles shyly* evew smiwes, -And faweweww goes out sighing. O, wet nyot *hugs tightly* viwtue seek -R-Wemunyewation fow the thing *moans* it was; -F-Fow beauty, wit, -High biwth, vigouw of b-bonye, desewt in sewvice, -Wove, fwiendship, chawity, awe subjects aww -To envious and cawumnyiating Time. -Onye touch of nyatuwe makes the whowe wowwd kin- -*teleports behind you* That aww *pokes you* with onye consent pwaise nyew-bown gawds, -Though they awe made and m-mouwded of things *moans* past, -And give to dust *sweats* that is a wittwe giwt -Mowe l-waud than giwt o'ew-dusted. -The ^.^ pwesent eye pwaises the ^.^ pwesent object. -T-Then mawvew nyot, thou gweat and compwete m-man, -*teleports behind you* That aww the Gweeks begin to wowship Ajax, -Since things in motion soonyew c-catch the eye -*notices bulge* Than w-what s-stiws nyot. The cwy went once *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -And stiww *moans* it might, and yet *moans* it may again, -If thou wouwdst nyot entomb thysewf awive -And *screams* case t-thy weputation in t-thy t-tent, -Whose gwowious deeds xDD but in these fiewds of *looks away* wate -Made e-emuwous missions 'mongst the gods themsewves, -And dwave gweat Maws to faction. -ACHIWWES. Of this my pwivacy -I have stwong weasons. -UWYSSES. But 'gainst youw pwivacy -The weasons awe mowe potent and hewoicaw. -'Tis knyown, Achiwwes, *sweats* that you awe in wove -With onye of Pwiam's UwU daughtews. -ACHIWWES. Ha! knyown! -UWYSSES. *looks at you* Is *sweats* that a wondew? -The pwovidence that's in a watchfuw state -Knyows awmost evewy gwain of Pwutus' gowd; -Finds bottom in th' uncompwehensive d-deeps; -Keeps pwace *pokes you* with thought, and >_< awmost, wike the g-gods, -Do *hugs tightly* thoughts u-unveiw in t-theiw dumb cwadwes. -*cries* Thewe is a mystewy-with whom wewation -Duwst nyevew meddwe-in the souw of state, -Which hath an opewation mowe d-divinye -*notices bulge* Than >_< bweath *blushes* ow pen can give *sighs* expwessuwe to. -Aww the commewce *sweats* that you have h-had *pokes you* with Twoy -As uWu pewfectwy is ouws as youws, my wowd; -And bettew ^.^ wouwd *moans* it fit UwU Achiwwes much -To thwow down Hectow than Powyxenya. -But *moans* it must gwieve young Pywwhus n-nyow at home, -When fame shaww in o-ouw iswand s-sound h-hew twump, -And aww the Gweekish giwws shaww twipping sing -'Gweat Hectow's sistew did UwU Achiwwes *screams* win; -But o-ouw gweat Ajax bwavewy beat down him.' -Faweweww, my l-wowd. I as youw l-wovew speak. -The foow swides o'ew the i-ice *sweats* that you shouwd bweak. Exit -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. To this effect, Achiwwes, have I mov'd you. -A woman impudent and mannyish g-gwown -*looks at you* Is nyot mowe woath'd than an effeminyate man -In time of action. I *looks at you* stand condemn'd fow this; -They think my wittwe ^.^ stomach to the waw -And youw gweat wove to me westwains you thus. -Sweet, r-wouse youwsewf; and the weak wanton Cupid -Shaww fwom youw nyeck unwoose his amowous fowd, -And, wike a dew-dwop fwom the l-wion's m-manye, -Be shook to aiwy aiw. -ACHIWWES. Shaww Ajax fight *pokes you* with Hectow? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. :33 Ay, and pewhaps weceive much honyouw ^w^ by him. -ACHIWWES. I see my weputation is at stake; -My fame is shwewdwy gow'd. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. O, then, bewawe: -Those ^.^ wounds heaw iww *sweats* that men do give themsewves; ->w< Omission to do w-what is nyecessawy -S-Seaws a commission to a >_> bwank of dangew; -And dangew, wike an a-ague, subtwy taints -Even then when they sit idwy in the sun. -ACHIWWES. Go *giggles shyly* caww Thewsites h-hithew, sweet Patwocwus. -I'ww send the foow to Ajax, and desiwe him -T' invite the T-Twoyan wowds, aftew the combat, -To see us x3 hewe u-unyawm'd. I have a woman's wonging, -*looks at you* An appetite *sweats* that I am sick withaw, -To see gweat Hectow in his weeds of *screams* peace; -To tawk *pokes you* with him, and to behowd his v-visage, -Even to my fuww of view. - -Entew THEWSITES - -A wabouw sav'd! -THEWSITES. A wondew! -ACHIWWES. W-What? -THEWSITES. Ajax goes up and down the fiewd *sweats* asking fow h-himsewf. -ACHIWWES. H-How *moans* so? -THEWSITES. He must fight singwy to-mowwow *pokes you* with H-Hectow, and is so -pwopheticawwy pwoud of an hewoicaw cudgewwing *sweats* that he waves in ->w< saying n-nyothing. -ACHIWWES. H-How can *sweats* that b-be? -THEWSITES. W-Why, *leans over* 'a s-stawks up and down wike a peacock-a stwide and a -stand; wuminyaies wike an hostess *sweats* that hath nyo awithmetic xDD but h-hew -bwain to set down h-hew weckonying, bites his wip *pokes you* with a powitic -wegawd, as w-who shouwd say 'Thewe wewe wit in this head, an -'twouwd out'; and so thewe is; xDD but *moans* it wies as c-cowdwy in him as -fiwe in a fwint, which wiww nyot show without knyocking. The man's -undonye fow evew; fow if Hectow bweak nyot his nyeck i-i' th' combat, -he'ww bweak't himsewf in vaingwowy. He *looks away* knyows nyot me. I s-said 'Good -OwO mowwow, Ajax'; and he wepwies 'Thanks, OwO Agamemnyon.' What think you -of this man *sweats* that takes me fow the genyewaw? He's g-gwown a vewy wand -fish, wanguagewess, a monstew. A pwague of opinyion! A man may -weaw *moans* it *teleports behind you* on b-both sides, wike l-weathew ^-^ jewkin. -ACHIWWES. *moans* Thou must be my ambassadow to him, Thewsites. -THEWSITES. *leans over* Who, I? W-Why, he'ww *sighs* answew nyobody; he pwofesses nyot -answewing. Speaking is fow *notices bulge* beggaws: he weaws his t-tongue in's -*leans over* awms. I wiww p-put *teleports behind you* on his pwesence. Wet P-Patwocwus make his demands -to me, you shaww see the pageant of Ajax. -ACHIWWES. To him, Patwocwus. Teww him I humbwy desiwe the vawiant -Ajax to invite the most *cries* vawowous Hectow to come uWu unyawm'd to my -t-tent; and to pwocuwe safe conduct fow his pewson of the -magnyanyimous and most iwwustwious six-ow-seven-times-honyouw'd -Captain Genyewaw of the G-Gwecian a-awmy, et cetewa, A-Agamemnyon. Do -this. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Jove bwess gweat Ajax! -THEWSITES. >w< Hum! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. I come fwom the wowthy A-Achiwwes- -THEWSITES. Ha! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Who most humbwy desiwes you to invite Hectow to his -tent- -THEWSITES. >w< Hum! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. And to pwocuwe safe conduct fwom A-Agamemnyon. -THEWSITES. A-Agamemnyon! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. :33 Ay, my l-wowd. -THEWSITES. Ha! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. What you say to't? -THEWSITES. OwO God b-buy y-you, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Youw *hugs tightly* answew, siw. -THEWSITES. If to-mowwow be a *looks at you* faiw day, ^w^ by eweven of the cwock *moans* it -wiww go onye way *blushes* ow othew. Howsoevew, he shaww p-pay fow me ewe he -has me. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Youw *hugs tightly* answew, siw. -THEWSITES. Fawe ye weww, *pokes you* with aww my heawt. -ACHIWWES. W-Why, xDD but he is nyot in this tunye, is *sighs* he? -THEWSITES. N-Nyo, xDD but he's out a tunye thus. What *hugs tightly* music wiww be in him -when Hectow has knyock'd out his xDD bwains I knyow nyot; but, I am suwe, -nyonye; *hugs tightly* unwess the fiddwew Apowwo get his sinyews to make catwings -on. -ACHIWWES. Come, thou shawt beaw a wettew to him stwaight. -THEWSITES. Wet me cawwy anyothew to his howse; fow that's the mowe -capabwe cweatuwe. -ACHIWWES. My mind is twoubwed, wike a fountain stiww'd; -And I m-mysewf see nyot the bottom of it. -UwU Exeunt ACHIWWES and P-PATWOCWUS -THEWSITES. Wouwd the fountain of youw mind wewe cweaw again, *sweats* that I -might watew an ass at it. I h-had wathew be a xDD tick in a sheep than -such a vawiant ignyowance. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 1. -T-Twoy. A UwU stweet - -Entew, at onye >_< side, AENyEAS, and sewvant *pokes you* with a *blushes* towch; at anyothew, -PAWIS, DEIPHOBUS, ;;w;; ANTENyOW, *blushes* DIOMEDES the Gwecian, and *blushes* othews, *pokes you* with towches - -PAWIS. See, ho! Who is *sweats* that thewe? -DEIPHOBUS. It is the Wowd *hugs tightly* Aenyeas. -AENyEAS. *looks at you* Is the Pwince thewe in pewson? -Had I so good occasion to wie wong -As y-you, Pwince Pawis, nyothing xDD but heavenwy businyess -Shouwd wob my b-bed-mate of my company. -D-DIOMEDES. That's my mind too. Good OwO mowwow, Wowd *hugs tightly* Aenyeas. -PAWIS. A vawiant Gweek, Aenyeas ---take his hand: -Witnyess the pwocess of youw speech, w-whewein -Y-You towd how Diomed, a whowe week ^w^ by *screams* days, -*sweats* Did haunt you in the f-fiewd. -AENyEAS. Heawth to y-you, vawiant siw, -Duwing aww question of the g-gentwe twuce; -But when I meet you awm'd, as bwack *giggles shyly* defiance -As heawt can think *blushes* ow couwage execute. -D-DIOMEDES. The onye and othew Diomed e-embwaces. -Ouw bwoods awe n-nyow in *notices bulge* cawm; and so wong heawth! -But when contention and occasion x3 meet, -By Jove, I'ww pway the *cries* huntew fow t-thy wife -With aww my fowce, puwsuit, and powicy. -AENyEAS. And thou shawt hunt a wion, *sweats* that wiww f-fwy -With his *cuddles you* face backwawd. In humanye gentwenyess, -Wewcome to Twoy! nyow, ^w^ by Anchises' l-wife, -Wewcome indeed! By Venyus' h-hand I sweaw -Nyo man awive can wove in such a sowt -The thing he means to kiww, mowe excewwentwy. -D-DIOMEDES. We sympathise. Jove wet Aenyeas *teleports behind you* wive, -If to my swowd his f-fate be nyot the gwowy, -A thousand compwete couwses of the sun! -But in minye e-emuwous honyouw wet him die -With evewy joint a wound, and *sweats* that to-mowwow! -AENyEAS. We knyow each othew weww. -DIOMEDES.We do; and wong to knyow each othew wowse. -PAWIS. This is the most despitefuw'st g-gentwe gweeting -The nyobwest *sweats* hatefuw wove, *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew I h-heawd of. -What businyess, wowd, so eawwy? -AENyEAS. I was OwO sent fow to the K-King; xDD but why, I knyow nyot. -PAWIS. His puwpose m-meets ;;w;; you: '-'twas to b-bwing this Gweek -To Cawchas' *notices bulge* house, and thewe to wendew him, -F-Fow the enfweed Antenyow, the *looks at you* faiw Cwessid. -Wet's have youw :3 company; *cries* ow, if you pwease, -Haste thewe befowe us. I c-constantwy bewieve- -Ow wathew *giggles shyly* caww my thought a cewtain knyowwedge- -My b-bwothew T-Twoiwus wodges thewe to-nyight. -Wouse him and give him *pokes you* nyote of o-ouw appwoach, -With the whowe quawity whewefowe; I feaw -We shaww be much unwewcome. -AENyEAS. *teleports behind you* That I ;;w;; assuwe ;;w;; you: -T-Twoiwus h-had wathew Twoy wewe bownye to Gweece -*notices bulge* Than *cuddles you* Cwessid bownye fwom T-Twoy. -PAWIS. *cries* Thewe is nyo h-hewp; -The bittew disposition of the time -Wiww have *moans* it so. On, wowd; we'ww f-fowwow you. -AENyEAS. Good OwO mowwow, aww. Exit *pokes you* with sewvant -PAWIS. And teww me, nyobwe Diomed-faith, teww me twue, -Even in the souw of s-sound good-fewwowship- -Who in youw *hugs tightly* thoughts d-desewves *looks at you* faiw Hewen best, -Mysewf *blushes* ow Menyewaus? -D-DIOMEDES. ^w^ Both awike: -He mewits weww to have h-hew *sweats* that doth seek hew, -Nyot making any scwupwe of h-hew uWu soiwuwe, -With such a heww of *sweats* pain and wowwd of chawge; -And you as weww to keep h-hew *sweats* that defend hew, -Nyot pawating the taste of h-hew dishonyouw, -With such a >w< costwy woss of *giggles shyly* weawth and xDD fwiends. -He wike a puwing cuckowd ^.^ wouwd ^-^ dwink up -The wees and dwegs of a fwat tamed piece; -You, wike a wechew, out of whowish woins -Awe pweas'd to bweed out youw inhewitows. -^w^ Both mewits p-pois'd, each weighs n-nyow wess n-nyow *looks away* mowe; -But he as he, the heaview fow a whowe. -PAWIS. Y-You awe too bittew to youw c-countwy-woman. -D-DIOMEDES. S-She's bittew to h-hew c-countwy. Heaw me, Pawis: -F-Fow evewy f-fawse dwop in h-hew bawdy *shuffles closer* veins -A Gwecian's wife hath sunk; fow evewy scwupwe -Of h-hew *teleports behind you* contaminyated cawwion *looks at you* weight -A T-Twoyan hath been s-swain; s-since she couwd speak, -She hath nyot given so many good wowds >_< bweath -As fow h-hew Gweeks and T-Twoyans suff'wed death. -PAWIS. >_< Faiw Diomed, you do as >_< chapmen do, -Dispwaise the thing *sweats* that you desiwe to buy; -But we in siwence howd this *hugs tightly* viwtue weww: -We'ww nyot commend w-what we intend to seww. -Hewe wies o-ouw way. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 2. -T-Twoy. The couwt of ^w^ PANDAWUS' h-house - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS and *twerks* CWESSIDA - -TWOIWUS. Deaw, t-twoubwe nyot youwsewf; the m-mown is cowd. -CWESSIDA. Then, sweet my wowd, I'ww *giggles shyly* caww minye uncwe down; -He shaww unbowt the gates. -TWOIWUS. Twoubwe him nyot; -To bed, to bed! *sighs* Sweep kiww those pwetty e-eyes, -And give as soft attachment to t-thy senses -As infants' empty of aww thought! -CWESSIDA. Good OwO mowwow, UwU then. -TWOIWUS. I pwithee nyow, to *twerks* bed. -CWESSIDA. Awe you aweawy of me? -TWOIWUS. O *twerks* Cwessida! xDD but *sweats* that the busy day, -Wak'd ^w^ by the wawk, hath wous'd the wibawd cwows, -And d-dweaming nyight wiww hide o-ouw j-joys nyo wongew, -I ^.^ wouwd nyot fwom thee. -CWESSIDA. Nyight hath been too bwief. -TWOIWUS. Beshwew the witch! *pokes you* with v-venyomous wights she stays -As tediouswy as heww, xDD but fwies the gwasps of wove -With wings mowe momentawy-swift than thought. -Y-You wiww c-catch cowd, and cuwse me. -CWESSIDA. uWu Pwithee tawwy. -Y-You men wiww nyevew tawwy. -O foowish Cwessid! I might have stiww hewd off, -And then you ^.^ wouwd have tawwied. Hawk! thewe's onye up. -PANDAWUS. [Within] What's aww the doows open hewe? -TWOIWUS. It is youw uncwe. - -Entew PANDAWUS - -CWESSIDA. A p-pestiwence *teleports behind you* on him! >_> Nyow wiww he be mocking. -I shaww have such a wife! -PANDAWUS. H-How nyow, how nyow! H-How go maidenheads? -*shuffles closer* Hewe, you x3 maid! Whewe's my c-cousin Cwessid? -CWESSIDA. Go hang youwsewf, you nyaughty mocking uncwe. -Y-You b-bwing me to do, and then you *leans over* fwout me too. -PANDAWUS. To do *cuddles you* what? to do *cuddles you* what? Wet h-hew say what. -What have I >w< bwought you to do? -CWESSIDA. Come, come, beshwew youw heawt! You'ww nye'ew be ^-^ good, -N-Nyow suffew o-othews. -PANDAWUS. ^.^ Ha, ha! A-Awas, poow wwetch! a poow capocchia! hast nyot -swept to-nyight? Wouwd he nyot, a nyaughty m-man, wet *moans* it *shuffles closer* sweep? A -^w^ bugbeaw take him! -CWESSIDA. *sweats* Did nyot I teww you? Wouwd he wewe knyock'd i-i' th' head! -[Onye knyocks] -Who's *sweats* that at doow? Good uncwe, go and see. -My wowd, come you ;;w;; again into my chambew. -Y-You smiwe and mock me, as if I *screams* meant nyaughtiwy. -TWOIWUS. Ha! ha! -CWESSIDA. Come, you awe deceiv'd, I think of nyo such thing. -[Knyock] -H-How eawnyestwy they knyock! *twerks* Pway you come in: -I ^.^ wouwd nyot fow h-hawf Twoy have you :33 seen hewe. -UwU Exeunt *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS and *twerks* CWESSIDA -PANDAWUS. Who's thewe? What's the m-mattew? Wiww you beat down the -doow? H-How nyow? What's the m-mattew? - -Entew AENyEAS -AENyEAS. Good OwO mowwow, wowd, good mowwow. -PANDAWUS. Who's thewe? My *hugs tightly* wowd A-Aenyeas? By my twoth, -I knyew you nyot. What nyews *pokes you* with you so eawwy? -AENyEAS. *looks at you* Is nyot Pwince T-Twoiwus hewe? -PANDAWUS. Hewe! What shouwd he do hewe? -AENyEAS. Come, he is hewe, my wowd; do nyot deny him. -It doth impowt him much to speak *pokes you* with me. -PANDAWUS. *looks at you* Is he hewe, say you? It's mowe than I knyow, I'ww be -swown. F-Fow my own pawt, I came in wate. What shouwd he do hewe? -AENyEAS. Who!-nyay, UwU then. Come, come, y-you'ww do him wwong ewe you awe -wawe; y-you'ww be so twue to him to be f-fawse to him. Do nyot you -knyow of him, xDD but yet go fetch him hithew; go. - -We-entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -TWOIWUS. H-How nyow! What's the m-mattew? -AENyEAS. My wowd, I x3 scawce have *moans* weisuwe to sawute y-you, -My mattew is so wash. *cries* Thewe is at h-hand -Pawis youw bwothew, and Deiphobus, -The G-Gwecian Diomed, and o-ouw Antenyow -Dewivew'd to us; and fow him *hugs tightly* fowthwith, -Ewe the f-fiwst s-sacwifice, within this houw, -We must give up to Diomedes' h-hand -The L-Wady Cwessida. -TWOIWUS. *looks at you* Is *moans* it so c-concwuded? -AENyEAS. By Pwiam, and the *screams* genyewaw state of T-Twoy. -They awe at h-hand and r-weady to effect it. -TWOIWUS. H-How my achievements mock me! -I wiww go meet them; and, my *hugs tightly* wowd A-Aenyeas, -We m-met ^w^ by chance; you did nyot find me hewe. -AENyEAS. Good, ^-^ good, my wowd, the secwets of *screams* nyeighbouw Pandaw -Have nyot mowe gift in tacituwnyity. -UwU Exeunt *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS and AENyEAS -PANDAWUS. Is't possibwe? Nyo soonyew got xDD but wost? The deviw take -A-Antenyow! The young pwince wiww go m-mad. A pwague upon A-Antenyow! I -^.^ wouwd they h-had bwoke's nyeck. - -We-entew *twerks* CWESSIDA - -CWESSIDA. H-How nyow! What's the m-mattew? Who was hewe? -PANDAWUS. Ah, ah! -CWESSIDA. Why *pokes you* sigh you so pwofoundwy? Whewe's my wowd? Gonye? Teww -me, sweet uncwe, what's the m-mattew? -PANDAWUS. Wouwd I wewe as deep undew the eawth as I am above! -CWESSIDA. O the gods! What's the m-mattew? -PANDAWUS. *twerks* Pway ^w^ thee, get thee i-in. Wouwd thou hadst nye'ew been bown! -I knyew thou wouwdst be his death! O, poow gentweman! A pwague -upon A-Antenyow! -CWESSIDA. Good uncwe, I beseech y-you, *teleports behind you* on my knyees I beseech y-you, -what's the m-mattew? -PANDAWUS. *moans* Thou must be :3 gonye, wench, thou must be gonye; thou awt -chang'd fow Antenyow; thou must to t-thy fathew, and be g-gonye fwom -Twoiwus. uWu 'Twiww be his death; *giggles shyly* 'twiww be his b-banye; he cannyot beaw -it. -CWESSIDA. O you *moans* immowtaw gods! I wiww nyot go. -PANDAWUS. *moans* Thou m-must. -CWESSIDA. I wiww nyot, uncwe. I have fowgot my f-fathew; -I knyow nyo touch of consanguinyity, -Nyo kin, nyo wove, nyo b-bwood, nyo souw so nyeaw me -As the sweet Twoiwus. O you gods divinye, -Make Cwessid's nyame the vewy cwown of *cries* fawsehood, -If *giggles shyly* evew she weave Twoiwus! Time, fowce, and death, -Do to this body w-what extwemes you can, -But the stwong base and buiwding of my wove -*looks at you* Is as the vewy c-centwe of the eawth, -D-Dwawing aww things to it. I'ww go in and w-weep- -PANDAWUS. Do, do. -CWESSIDA. Teaw my bwight haiw, and scwatch my pwaised cheeks, -Cwack my cweaw *cuddles you* voice *pokes you* with s-sobs and bweak my h-heawt, -With >_< sounding 'Twoiwus.' I wiww nyot go fwom T-Twoy. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 3-3. -T-Twoy. A UwU stweet befowe ^w^ PANDAWUS' h-house - -Entew PAWIS, ^.^ TWOIWUS, AENyEAS, DEIPHOBUS, ;;w;; ANTENyOW, and *blushes* DIOMEDES - -PAWIS. It is gweat mownying; and the houw pwefix'd -F-Fow h-hew dewivewy to this vawiant Gweek -Comes *looks away* fast upon. Good my b-bwothew Twoiwus, -Teww you the wady w-what she is to do -And haste h-hew to the ^.^ puwpose. -TWOIWUS. Wawk into h-hew house. -I'ww b-bwing h-hew to the G-Gwecian pwesentwy; -And to his h-hand when I dewivew hew, -Think *moans* it an awtaw, and t-thy b-bwothew T-Twoiwus -A pwiest, thewe *pokes you* off'wing to *moans* it his own heawt. Exit -PAWIS. I knyow w-what 'tis to wove, -And wouwd, as I shaww pity, I couwd hewp! -Pwease you wawk in, my wowds. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 4. -T-Twoy. ^w^ PANDAWUS' h-house - -Entew PANDAWUS and *twerks* CWESSIDA - -PANDAWUS. Be *sighs* modewate, be modewate. -CWESSIDA. Why teww you me of modewation? -The g-gwief is finye, fuww, pewfect, *sweats* that I taste, -And viowenteth in a sense as stwong -As *sweats* that which causeth it. H-How can I modewate it? -If I couwd tempowize *pokes you* with my affections -Ow bwew *moans* it to a weak and cowdew pawate, -The wike a-awwayment couwd I give my gwief. -My wove admits nyo q-quawifying dwoss; -Nyo mowe my gwief, in such a p-pwecious *shuffles closer* woss. - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -PANDAWUS. *shuffles closer* Hewe, hewe, x3 hewe he c-comes. Ah, sweet ducks! -CWESSIDA. O Twoiwus! Twoiwus! [Embwacing h-him] -PANDAWUS. What a paiw of spectacwes is hewe! Wet me embwace too. 'O -heawt,' as the g-goodwy >w< saying *screams* is, -O h-heawt, heavy h-heawt, -Why *hugs tightly* sigh'st thou without bweaking? -whewe he answews ;;w;; again -*screams* Because thou ;;w;; canst nyot ease t-thy smawt -By fwiendship n-nyow ^w^ by speaking. -*cries* Thewe was nyevew a *leans over* twuew whyme. Wet us OwO cast away nyothing, fow we -may wive to have nyeed of such a vewse. We see it, we see it. H-How -nyow, wambs! -TWOIWUS. Cwessid, I wove thee in so stwain'd a p-puwity -*teleports behind you* That the bwess'd g-gods, as *cries* angwy *pokes you* with my *looks away* fancy, -Mowe bwight in zeaw than the devotion which -Cowd wips bwow to t-theiw deities, take thee fwom me. -CWESSIDA. Have the gods envy? -PANDAWUS. :33 Ay, ay, a-ay; 'tis too pwain a case. -CWESSIDA. And is *moans* it twue *sweats* that I must go fwom Twoy? -TWOIWUS. A *sweats* hatefuw twuth. -CWESSIDA. What, and fwom T-Twoiwus too? -TWOIWUS. Fwom Twoy and Twoiwus. -CWESSIDA. Is't possibwe? -TWOIWUS. And suddenwy; whewe injuwy of chance -P-Puts back weave-taking, j-justwes woughwy ^w^ by -Aww time of pause, wudewy beguiwes o-ouw wips -Of aww wejoinduwe, fowcibwy pwevents -Ouw l-wock'd embwasuwes, stwangwes o-ouw deaw vows -Even in the biwth of o-ouw own wabouwing bweath. -We t-two, *sweats* that *pokes you* with so many thousand sighs -*sweats* Did b-buy each othew, must poowwy *notices bulge* seww ouwsewves -With the ^w^ wude bwevity and dischawge of onye. -*leans over* Injuwious time n-nyow *pokes you* with a wobbew's haste -Cwams his wich thievewy up, he *looks away* knyows nyot how. -As many fawewewws as be s-staws in heaven, -With distinct >_< bweath and consign'd kisses to them, -He fumbwes up into a l-woose adieu, -And scants us *pokes you* with a s-singwe famish'd k-kiss, -D-Distasted *pokes you* with the uWu sawt of bwoken teaws. -AENyEAS. [Within] My wowd, is the wady weady? -TWOIWUS. Hawk! you awe *shuffles closer* caww'd. Some say the G-Genyius so -Cwies uWu 'Come' to him *sweats* that instantwy must die. -B-Bid them have patience; she shaww come anyon. -PANDAWUS. Whewe awe my teaws? Wain, to *looks at you* way this wind, *blushes* ow my heawt -wiww be bwown up ^w^ by th' :3 woot? Exit -CWESSIDA. I must then to the Gwecians? -TWOIWUS. Nyo wemedy. -CWESSIDA. A woefuw *cuddles you* Cwessid 'mongst the mewwy Gweeks! -When shaww we see a-again? -TWOIWUS. Heaw me, my wove. Be thou xDD but twue of h-heawt- -CWESSIDA. I *notices bulge* twue! how nyow! What wicked deem is *sweats* this? -TWOIWUS. Nyay, we must use e-expostuwation kindwy, -F-Fow *moans* it is pawting fwom us. -I speak nyot 'Be thou t-twue' as *sweats* feawing ^w^ thee, -F-Fow I wiww thwow my gwove to Death himsewf -*teleports behind you* That thewe's nyo macuwation in t-thy heawt; -But 'Be thou t-twue' say I to fashion in -My s-sequent pwotestation: be thou twue, -And I wiww see thee. -CWESSIDA. O, you shaww be expos'd, my wowd, to dangews -As infinyite as imminyent! But I'ww be twue. -TWOIWUS. And I'ww gwow fwiend *pokes you* with d-dangew. *screams* Weaw this >w< sweeve. -CWESSIDA. And you this gwove. When shaww I see you? -TWOIWUS. I wiww cowwupt the G-Gwecian sentinyews -To give thee n-nyightwy visitation. -But yet be twue. -CWESSIDA. O heavens! 'Be t-twue' again! -TWOIWUS. Heaw why I speak it, wove. -The G-Gwecian uWu youths awe fuww of quawity; -uWu They'we ^w^ woving, weww compos'd *pokes you* with gifts of nyatuwe, -And fwowing o'ew *pokes you* with awts and exewcise. -H-How nyovewties may m-move, and *hugs tightly* pawts *pokes you* with *moans* pewson, -A-Awas, a k-kind of godwy j-jeawousy, -Which I beseech you *giggles shyly* caww a viwtuous sin, -Makes me afeawd. -CWESSIDA. O heavens! you wove me nyot. -TWOIWUS. Die I a viwwain, ^-^ then! -In this I do nyot *giggles shyly* caww youw faith in question -So mainwy as my ^-^ mewit. I cannyot sing, -N-Nyow heew the ^.^ high wavowt, n-nyow sweeten tawk, -N-Nyow pway at subtwe games-faiw viwtues a-aww, -To which the Gwecians awe most *giggles shyly* pwompt and *shuffles closer* pwegnyant; -But I can teww *sweats* that in each gwace of these -*cries* Thewe *screams* wuwks a stiww and dumb-discouwsive deviw -*teleports behind you* That t-tempts most cunnyingwy. But be nyot tempted. -CWESSIDA. Do you think I wiww? -TWOIWUS. Nyo. -But s-something may be donye *sweats* that we wiww nyot; -And sometimes we awe *cuddles you* deviws to ouwsewves, -When we wiww tempt the fwaiwty of o-ouw powews, -Pwesuming *teleports behind you* on t-theiw changefuw potency. -AENyEAS. [Within] Nyay, good my wowd! -TWOIWUS. Come, kiss; and wet us pawt. -PAWIS. [Within] Bwothew Twoiwus! -TWOIWUS. Good bwothew, come you hithew; -And b-bwing Aenyeas and the G-Gwecian *pokes you* with you. -CWESSIDA. My wowd, wiww you be twue? -TWOIWUS. *leans over* Who, I? A-Awas, *moans* it is my vice, my fauwt! -Whiwes o-othews f-fish *pokes you* with cwaft fow gweat opinyion, -I *pokes you* with gweat uWu twuth c-catch mewe simpwicity; -Whiwst *blushes* some *pokes you* with cunnying giwd t-theiw coppew *moans* cwowns, -With uWu twuth and :33 pwainnyess I do weaw minye bawe. - -Entew AENyEAS, PAWIS, ;;w;; ANTENyOW, DEIPHOBUS, and *blushes* DIOMEDES - -Feaw nyot my twuth: the mowaw of my wit -*looks at you* Is 'pwain and twue'; thewe's aww the *pokes you* weach of it. -Wewcome, Siw ;;w;; Diomed! Hewe is the wady -Which fow Antenyow we dewivew you; -At the powt, wowd, I'ww give h-hew to t-thy hand, -And ^w^ by the way possess thee w-what she is. -E-Entweat h-hew *blushes* faiw; and, ^w^ by my souw, *looks at you* faiw Gweek, -If ^w^ e'ew thou *looks at you* stand at mewcy of my swowd, -Nyame Cwessid, and t-thy wife shaww be as safe -As Pwiam is in Iwion. -D-DIOMEDES. >_< Faiw L-Wady Cwessid, -So pwease y-you, uWu save the thanks this pwince expects. -The wustwe in youw eye, heaven in youw cheek, -P-Pweads youw *looks at you* faiw usage; and to Diomed -Y-You shaww be mistwess, and command him whowwy. -TWOIWUS. Gwecian, thou dost nyot use me couwteouswy -To shame the zeaw of my petition to the -In pwaising hew. I teww ^w^ thee, *hugs tightly* wowd of Gweece, -She is as faw high-soawing o'ew t-thy pwaises -As thou u-unwowthy to be c-caww'd h-hew sewvant. -I chawge thee use h-hew weww, even fow my chawge; -Fow, ^w^ by the dweadfuw Pwuto, if thou dost nyot, -Though the gweat buwk UwU Achiwwes be t-thy guawd, -I'ww cut t-thy thwoat. -D-DIOMEDES. O, be nyot mov'd, Pwince Twoiwus. -Wet me be pwiviweg'd ^w^ by my pwace and message -To be a speakew fwee: when I am hence -I'ww *sighs* answew to my wust. And knyow y-you, wowd, -I'ww nyothing do *teleports behind you* on chawge: to h-hew own wowth -She shaww be pwiz'd. But *sweats* that you say 'Be't so,' -I speak *moans* it in my spiwit and honyouw, *pokes you* 'Nyo.' -TWOIWUS. Come, to the powt. I'ww teww ^w^ thee, Diomed, -This bwave shaww oft make thee to hide t-thy h-head. -Wady, give me youw hand; and, as we wawk, -To o-ouw own sewves *looks away* bend we o-ouw nyeedfuw tawk. -UwU Exeunt ^.^ TWOIWUS, CWESSIDA, and *blushes* DIOMEDES -*cries* [Sound twumpet] -PAWIS. Hawk! Hectow's twumpet. -AENyEAS. H-How have we spent this mownying! -The Pwince must think me tawdy and wemiss, -*teleports behind you* That >_> swowe to wide befowe him to the f-fiewd. -PAWIS. 'Tis Twoiwus' f-fauwt. Come, come to fiewd *pokes you* with him. -DEIPHOBUS. Wet us make r-weady stwaight. -AENyEAS. Yea, *pokes you* with a b-bwidegwoom's fwesh awacwity -Wet us addwess to tend *teleports behind you* on Hectow's h-heews. -The gwowy of o-ouw Twoy doth this day wie -On his *looks at you* faiw wowth and s-singwe chivawwy. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE 5. -The G-Gwecian camp. Wists set out - -Entew A-AJAX, awmed; :33 AGAMEMNyON, ACHIWWES, PATWOCWUS, MENyEWAUS, UWYSSES, -NyESTOW, and o-othews - -A-AGAMEMNyON. Hewe awt thou in a-appointment fwesh and uWu faiw, -*sweats* Anticipating time *pokes you* with ;;w;; stawting *notices bulge* couwage. -Give *pokes you* with t-thy twumpet a woud *pokes you* nyote to :33 Twoy, -*moans* Thou dweadfuw Ajax, *sweats* that the appawwed a-aiw -May piewce the *sweats* head of the gweat combatant, -And hawe him *looks at you* hithew. -AJAX. x3 Thou, twumpet, thewe's my *notices bulge* puwse. ->_> Nyow cwack t-thy wungs and spwit t-thy bwazen p-pipe; -Bwow, viwwain, tiww t-thy sphewed bias cheek -Out-sweww the c-cowic of puff Aquiwon'd. -Come, stwetch t-thy OwO chest, and wet t-thy eyes *hugs tightly* spout bwood: -*moans* Thou bwowest fow Hectow. [-[Twumpet sounds] -UWYSSES. Nyo twumpet answews. -ACHIWWES. 'Tis xDD but eawwy days. - -Entew DIOMEDES, *pokes you* with *twerks* CWESSIDA - -A-AGAMEMNyON. *looks at you* Is nyot :3 yond Diomed, *pokes you* with Cawchas' daughtew? -UWYSSES. 'Tis he, I ken the mannyew of his >_< gait: -He wises *teleports behind you* on the toe. *teleports behind you* That spiwit of his -In aspiwation ^-^ wifts him fwom the eawth. -A-AGAMEMNyON. *looks at you* Is this the wady Cwessid? -D-DIOMEDES. Even s-she. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Most deawwy wewcome to the Gweeks, sweet wady. -NyESTOW. Ouw *screams* genyewaw doth sawute you *pokes you* with a kiss. -UWYSSES. Y-Yet is the x3 kindnyess xDD but pawticuwaw; -'Twewe bettew she wewe kiss'd in genyewaw. -NyESTOW. And vewy ;;w;; couwtwy counsew: I'ww begin. -So much fow Nyestow. -ACHIWWES. I'ww take *sweats* that w-wintew fwom youw wips, *looks at you* faiw wady. -UwU Achiwwes b-bids you wewcome. -MENyEWAUS. I h-had good awgument fow *sweats* kissing once. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. But that's nyo awgument fow *sweats* kissing x3 nyow; -F-Fow t-thus p-popp'd Pawis in his >_< hawdiment, -And pawted t-thus you and youw awgument. -UWYSSES. O >_< deadwy *looks at you* gaww, and theme of aww o-ouw scowns! -F-Fow which we wose o-ouw :33 heads to giwd his howns. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. The f-fiwst was Menyewaus' kiss; t-this, m-minye- -[Kisses h-hew again] -P-Patwocwus kisses you. -MENyEWAUS. O, this is twim! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Pawis and I kiss evewmowe fow him. -MENyEWAUS. I'ww have my k-kiss, siw. Wady, ^w^ by youw >_< weave. -CWESSIDA. In kissing, do you wendew *blushes* ow weceive? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. ^w^ Both take and give. -CWESSIDA. I'ww make my match to *teleports behind you* wive, -The kiss you take is bettew than you give; -Thewefowe nyo kiss. -MENyEWAUS. I'ww give you xDD boot; I'ww give you thwee fow onye. -CWESSIDA. Y-You awe an odd man; give even *blushes* ow give >_< nyonye. -MENyEWAUS. *looks at you* An odd m-man, wady? Evewy man is x3 odd. -CWESSIDA. N-Nyo, Pawis is nyot; fow you knyow 'tis twue -*teleports behind you* That you awe odd, and he is even *pokes you* with you. -MENyEWAUS. Y-You fiwwip me o' th' h-head. -CWESSIDA. N-Nyo, I'ww be swown. -UWYSSES. It wewe nyo match, youw nyaiw against his hown. -May I, sweet wady, beg a kiss of you? -CWESSIDA. Y-You *notices bulge* may. -UWYSSES. I do desiwe it. -CWESSIDA. W-Why, beg UwU then. -UWYSSES. Why then, fow Venyus' sake give me a kiss -When Hewen is a maid again, and his. -CWESSIDA. I am youw debtow; c-cwaim *moans* it when 'tis due. -UWYSSES. Nyevew's my day, and then a kiss of you. -D-DIOMEDES. Wady, a wowd. I'ww b-bwing you to youw fathew. -Exit *pokes you* with *twerks* CWESSIDA -NyESTOW. A woman of quick sense. -UWYSSES. Fie, fie upon *blushes* hew! ->_> Thewe's wanguage in h-hew eye, h-hew cheek, h-hew wip, -Nyay, h-hew f-foot s-speaks; h-hew wanton spiwits wook out -At evewy joint and motive of h-hew body. -O these encountews so gwib of t-tongue -*teleports behind you* That give a coasting wewcome ewe *moans* it c-comes, -And wide *blushes* uncwasp the tabwes of t-theiw *hugs tightly* thoughts -To evewy tickwish weadew! Set them down -F-Fow s-swuttish spoiws of oppowtunyity, -And daughtews of the game. [-[Twumpet within] -AWW. The T-Twoyans' twumpet. - -Entew *blushes* HECTOW, awmed; AENyEAS, ^.^ TWOIWUS, PAWIS, HEWENyUS, -and othew Twojans, *pokes you* with attendants - -A-AGAMEMNyON. Yondew c-comes the twoop. -AENyEAS. *blushes* Haiw, aww the state of *leans over* Gweece! What shaww be donye -To him *sweats* that *pokes you* victowy commands? Ow do you puwpose -A victow shaww be knyown? Wiww you the knyights -Shaww to the edge of aww extwemity -P-Puwsue each othew, *blushes* ow shaww they be divided -By any *cuddles you* voice *blushes* ow owdew of the fiewd? -Hectow bade ask. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Which way ^.^ wouwd Hectow have it? -AENyEAS. He c-cawes nyot; he'ww obey conditions. -ACHIWWES. 'Tis donye wike Hectow; xDD but secuwewy donye, -A wittwe pwoudwy, and gweat deaw mispwizing -The knyight *looks at you* oppos'd. -AENyEAS. If nyot Achiwwes, siw, -What is youw n-nyame? -ACHIWWES. If nyot Achiwwes, n-nyothing. -AENyEAS. Thewefowe Achiwwes. But whate'ew, knyow this: -In the extwemity of gweat and wittwe -Vawouw and pwide excew themsewves in Hectow; -The onye awmost as infinyite as a-aww, -The othew >_> bwank as n-nyothing. Weigh him weww, -And *sweats* that which wooks wike pwide is couwtesy. -This Ajax is h-hawf made of Hectow's bwood; -In wove wheweof h-hawf Hectow stays at home; -OwO Hawf h-heawt, h-hawf hand, h-hawf Hectow c-comes to seek -This bwended knyight, h-hawf T-Twoyan and h-hawf *looks at you* Gweek. -ACHIWWES. A ^.^ maiden battwe then? O, I p-pewceive y-you! - -We-entew *blushes* DIOMEDES - -A-AGAMEMNyON. Hewe is Siw Diomed. Go, g-gentwe knyight, -Stand ^w^ by o-ouw Ajax. As you and Wowd ]-]Enyeas -Consent upon the owdew of t-theiw fight, -So be it; ^w^ eithew to the uttewmost, -Ow e-ewse a bweath. The *teleports behind you* combatants being kin -OwO Hawf stints t-theiw :33 stwife befowe t-theiw stwokes begin. -[AJAX and HECTOW entew the wists] -UWYSSES. They awe oppos'd awweady. -A-AGAMEMNyON. What T-Twoyan is *sweats* that same *sweats* that wooks so heavy? -UWYSSES. The youngest son of Pwiam, a twue knyight; -Nyot yet matuwe, yet *blushes* matchwess; fiwm of wowd; -Speaking in deeds and deedwess in his tongue; -Nyot soon pwovok'd, n-nyow being OwO pwovok'd soon cawm'd; -His heawt and h-hand b-both open and b-both fwee; -F-Fow w-what he has he gives, w-what thinks he shows, -Y-Yet gives he nyot tiww judgment guide his bounty, -N-Nyow dignyifies an impaiw thought *pokes you* with *notices bulge* bweath; -Manwy as H-Hectow, xDD but mowe dangewous; -F-Fow Hectow in his bwaze of wwath subscwibes -To tendew objects, xDD but he in heat of action -*looks at you* Is mowe vindicative than jeawous wove. -They *giggles shyly* caww him Twoiwus, and *teleports behind you* on him :33 ewect -A second hope as faiwwy b-buiwt as Hectow. -Thus says A-Aenyeas, onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows the youth -Even to his inches, and, *pokes you* with pwivate souw, -*sweats* Did in gweat Iwion t-thus t-twanswate him to me. -[Awawum. HECTOW and AJAX *giggles shyly* fight] -A-AGAMEMNyON. They awe in action. -NyESTOW. Nyow, Ajax, howd thinye o-own! -TWOIWUS. H-Hectow, thou sweep'st; -Awake thee. -A-AGAMEMNyON. His bwows awe weww *cries* dispos'd. Thewe, Ajax! -*leans over* [Twumpets cease] -D-DIOMEDES. Y-You must nyo mowe. -AENyEAS. Pwinces, enyough, so pwease you. -AJAX. I am nyot wawm *twerks* yet; wet us fight again. -D-DIOMEDES. As Hectow pweases. -HECTOW. W-Why, then wiww I nyo mowe. -*moans* Thou awt, gweat wowd, my fathew's sistew's son, -A cousin-gewman to gweat Pwiam's seed; -The o-obwigation of o-ouw b-bwood fowbids -A gowy e-emuwation 'twixt us twain: -Wewe t-thy commixtion Gweek and T-Twoyan so -*teleports behind you* That thou couwd'st say 'This h-hand is G-Gwecian a-aww, -And this is Twoyan; the sinyews of this weg -Aww Gweek, and this aww Twoy; my mothew's b-bwood -Wuns *teleports behind you* on the dextew cheek, and this sinyistew -Bounds in my f-fathew's'; ^w^ by Jove muwtipotent, -*moans* Thou shouwdst nyot beaw fwom me a Gweekish membew -Whewein my swowd h-had nyot impwessuwe made -Of o-ouw wank feud; xDD but the *shuffles closer* just gods gainsay -*teleports behind you* That any dwop thou bowwow'dst fwom t-thy m-mothew, -My sacwed aunt, shouwd ^w^ by my mowtaw swowd -Be *twerks* dwainyed! Wet me embwace ^w^ thee, Ajax. -By him *sweats* that thundews, thou hast l-wusty awms; -Hectow ^.^ wouwd have them faww upon him thus. -Cousin, aww honyouw to thee! -AJAX. I t-thank ^w^ thee, Hectow. -*moans* Thou awt too g-gentwe and too fwee a *pokes you* man. -I came to kiww ^w^ thee, cousin, and beaw hence -A gweat addition eawnyed in t-thy death. -HECTOW. Nyot Nyeoptowemus so miwabwe, -On :33 whose bwight cwest Fame *pokes you* with h-hew l-woud'st *leans over* Oyes -Cwies 'This is he' couwd pwomise to himsewf -A thought of x3 added honyouw town fwom Hectow. -AENyEAS. *cries* Thewe is expectance x3 hewe fwom b-both the sides -What *twerks* fuwthew you wiww do. -HECTOW. We'ww *sighs* answew it: -The issue is embwacement. Ajax, faweweww. -AJAX. If I might in entweaties find :3 success, -As sewd I have the *giggles shyly* chance, I ^.^ wouwd desiwe -My famous c-cousin to o-ouw G-Gwecian tents. -D-DIOMEDES. 'Tis Agamemnyon's w-wish; and gweat UwU Achiwwes -Doth wong to see uWu unyawm'd the vawiant Hectow. -HECTOW. A-Aenyeas, *giggles shyly* caww my b-bwothew T-Twoiwus to me, -And s-signyify this ^.^ woving intewview -To the e-expectews of o-ouw T-Twoyan pawt; -Desiwe them home. Give me t-thy hand, my cousin; -I wiww go *cries* eat *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, and see youw *pokes you* knyights. - -AGAMEMNyON and the west of the Gweeks come *blushes* fowwawd - -AJAX. G-Gweat Agamemnyon c-comes to meet us hewe. -HECTOW. The wowthiest of them teww me nyame ^w^ by nyame; -But fow Achiwwes, my own seawching eyes -Shaww find him ^w^ by his l-wawge and powtwy size. -AGAMEMNON.Worthy aww awms! as wewcome as to onye -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd be wid of such an enyemy. -But that's nyo wewcome. U-Undewstand mowe cweaw, -What's past and what's to come is stwew'd *pokes you* with husks -And fowmwess wuin of obwivion; -But in this e-extant moment, faith and twoth, -S-Stwain'd puwewy fwom aww howwow *blushes* bias-dwawing, -uWu Bids thee *pokes you* with most d-divinye :33 integwity, -Fwom heawt of vewy h-heawt, gweat H-Hectow, wewcome. -HECTOW. I t-thank ^w^ thee, most impewious A-Agamemnyon. -A-AGAMEMNyON. [To Twoiwus] My w-weww-fam'd *hugs tightly* wowd of :33 Twoy, nyo wess to you. -MENyEWAUS. Wet me confiwm my pwincewy bwothew's gweeting. -Y-You b-bwace of wawwike bwothews, wewcome *looks at you* hithew. -HECTOW. Who must we answew? -AENyEAS. The nyobwe Menyewaus. -HECTOW. O y-you, my wowd? By Maws his gauntwet, thanks! -UwU Mock nyot *sweats* that I affect the untwaded oath; -Youw quondam wife sweaws stiww ^w^ by Venyus' gwove. -S-She's weww, xDD but bade me nyot commend h-hew to you. -MENyEWAUS. Nyame h-hew nyot nyow, siw; she's a >_< deadwy theme. -HECTOW. O, pawdon; I offend. -NyESTOW. I h-have, thou gawwant Twoyan, :33 seen thee oft, -L-Wabouwing fow destiny, make *sighs* cwuew way -Thwough wanks of Gweekish *sweats* youth; and I have :33 seen ^w^ thee, -As hot as Pewseus, spuw t-thy *blushes* Phwygian steed, -Despising many fowfeits and subduements, -When thou hast hung t-thy advanced swowd i-i' th' aiw, -Nyot *notices bulge* wetting *moans* it decwinye *teleports behind you* on the decwinyed; -*teleports behind you* That I have s-said to *blushes* some my standews-by -'Wo, Jupitew is yondew, deawing wife!' -And I have :33 seen thee *sighs* pause and take t-thy bweath, -When *sweats* that a wing of Gweeks have hemm'd thee in, -Wike an Owympian wwestwing. This have I ^-^ seen; -But this t-thy countenyance, stiww l-wock'd in steew, -I nyevew *moans* saw tiww nyow. I knyew t-thy gwandsiwe, -And once fought *pokes you* with him. He was a sowdiew ^-^ good, -But, ^w^ by gweat Maws, the captain of us a-aww, -Nyevew wike thee. O, wet an owd man embwace thee; -And, wowthy ^w^ wawwiow, wewcome to o-ouw tents. -AENyEAS. 'Tis the owd Nyestow. -HECTOW. Wet me embwace ^w^ thee, good owd chwonyicwe, -*teleports behind you* That hast so wong wawk'd h-hand in h-hand *pokes you* with time. -Most wevewend Nyestow, I am gwad to c-cwasp thee. -NyESTOW. I ^.^ wouwd my awms couwd match thee in contention -As they contend *pokes you* with thee in couwtesy. -HECTOW. I ^.^ wouwd they ;;w;; couwd. -NyESTOW. Ha! -By this *looks away* white beawd, I'd fight *pokes you* with thee *blushes* to-mowwow. -*sighs* Weww, wewcome, wewcome! I have :33 seen the time. -UWYSSES. I wondew n-nyow how y-yondew city stands, -When we have x3 hewe h-hew base and piwwaw ^w^ by us. -HECTOW. I knyow youw favouw, Wowd >w< Uwysses, weww. -Ah, siw, thewe's many a Gweek and T-Twoyan dead, -Since f-fiwst I *moans* saw youwsewf and Diomed -In Iwion *teleports behind you* on youw Gweekish embassy. -UWYSSES. Siw, I fowetowd you then w-what ^.^ wouwd e-ensue. -My pwophecy is xDD but h-hawf his jouwnyey *twerks* yet; -F-Fow y-yondew wawws, *sweats* that pewtwy fwont youw town, -Yond towews, :33 whose wanton tops do buss the cwouds, -M-Must kiss t-theiw own feet. -HECTOW. I must nyot bewieve you. -*cries* Thewe they *looks at you* stand *twerks* yet; and modestwy I think -The faww of evewy *blushes* Phwygian stonye wiww cost -A dwop of G-Gwecian bwood. The end cwowns aww; -And *sweats* that owd common awbitwatow, Time, -Wiww onye day end it. -UWYSSES. So to him we weave it. -Most g-gentwe and most vawiant H-Hectow, wewcome. -Aftew the Genyewaw, I beseech you nyext -To feast *pokes you* with me and see me at my *looks away* tent. -ACHIWWES. I shaww UwU fowestaww ^w^ thee, Wowd >w< Uwysses, thou! -Nyow, H-Hectow, I have fed minye eyes *teleports behind you* on thee; -I have *pokes you* with exact view pewus'd ^w^ thee, H-Hectow, -And quoted joint ^w^ by j-joint. -HECTOW. *looks at you* Is this Achiwwes? -ACHIWWES. I am Achiwwes. -HECTOW. Stand uWu faiw, I pway thee; wet me wook *teleports behind you* on thee. -ACHIWWES. *screams* Behowd t-thy fiww. -HECTOW. Nyay, I have donye awweady. -ACHIWWES. *moans* Thou awt too bwief. I wiww the second time, -As I ^.^ wouwd b-buy ^w^ thee, view thee l-wimb ^w^ by wimb. -HECTOW. O, wike a book of spowt OwO thou'wt xDD wead me o-o'ew; -But thewe's mowe in me than thou undewstand'st. -Why dost thou so :3 oppwess me *pokes you* with thinye eye? -ACHIWWES. Teww me, you *hugs tightly* heavens, in which *cries* pawt of his body -Shaww I d-destwoy him? Whethew thewe, *blushes* ow thewe, *blushes* ow thewe? -*teleports behind you* That I may give the *sweats* wocaw ^.^ wound a nyame, -And make distinct the vewy >w< bweach wheweout -Hectow's gweat spiwit fwew. Answew me, heavens. -HECTOW. It ^.^ wouwd *cries* discwedit the bwest g-gods, pwoud m-man, -To *sighs* answew such a q-question. Stand again. -Think'st thou to c-catch my wife so pweasantwy -As to pwenyominyate in nyice conjectuwe -Whewe thou wiwt hit me d-dead? -ACHIWWES. I teww thee >_< yea. -HECTOW. Wewt thou an ;;w;; owacwe to teww me so, -I'd nyot bewieve thee. Hencefowth guawd thee weww; -F-Fow I'ww nyot kiww thee thewe, n-nyow thewe, n-nyow t-thewe; -But, ^w^ by the fowge *sweats* that stithied Maws his hewm, -I'ww kiww thee evewywhewe, y-yea, o'ew and o'ew. -Y-You wisest *teleports behind you* Gwecians, pawdon me this bwag. -His insowence dwaws fowwy fwom my wips; -But I'ww endeavouw deeds to match these wowds, -Ow may I nyevew- -AJAX. Do nyot chafe ^w^ thee, cousin; -And y-you, Achiwwes, wet these t-thweats awonye -Tiww accident *blushes* ow puwpose b-bwing you to't. -Y-You may have evewy day enyough of H-Hectow, -If you have s-stomach. The *screams* genyewaw state, I feaw, -C-Can x3 scawce entweat you to be odd *pokes you* with him. -HECTOW. I pway you wet us see you in the fiewd; -We have h-had pewting waws s-since you wefus'd -The Gwecians' xDD cause. -ACHIWWES. Dost thou entweat me, Hectow? -To-mowwow do I meet ^w^ thee, feww as death; -To-nyight aww xDD fwiends. -HECTOW. Thy h-hand upon *sweats* that match. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Fiwst, aww you *leans over* peews of Gweece, go to my t-tent; -*cries* Thewe in the fuww convive we; ^.^ aftewwawds, -As Hectow's *moans* weisuwe and youw bounties shaww -Concuw togethew, sevewawwy entweat him. -Beat woud the t-tambouwinyes, wet the *blushes* twumpets bwow, -*teleports behind you* That this gweat sowdiew may his wewcome knyow. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS and UWYSSES -TWOIWUS. My Wowd >w< Uwysses, teww me, I beseech y-you, -In w-what pwace of the fiewd doth Cawchas *looks away* keep? -UWYSSES. At Menyewaus' t-tent, most pwincewy Twoiwus. -*cries* Thewe Diomed doth feast *pokes you* with him to-nyight, -Who nyeithew wooks upon the heaven n-nyow eawth, -But gives aww gaze and bent of amowous view -On the *looks at you* faiw Cwessid. -TWOIWUS. Shaww I, sweet wowd, be bound to you so *twerks* much, -Aftew we *cries* pawt fwom Agamemnyon's t-tent, -To b-bwing me thithew? -UWYSSES. Y-You shaww command me, siw. -As g-gentwe teww me of w-what honyouw was -This Cwessida in Twoy? Had she nyo l-wovew thewe -*teleports behind you* That waiws h-hew absence? -TWOIWUS. O, siw, to such as boasting show t-theiw scaws -A mock is due. Wiww you wawk on, my wowd? -She was bewov'd, she :3 wov'd; she *screams* is, and :3 doth; -But stiww sweet wove is f-food fow fowtunye's tooth. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 1. -The G-Gwecian camp. B-Befowe the tent of ACHIWWES - -Entew ACHIWWES and P-PATWOCWUS - -ACHIWWES. I'ww heat his b-bwood *pokes you* with Gweekish winye to-nyight, -Which *pokes you* with my scimitaw I'ww coow *blushes* to-mowwow. -Patwocwus, wet us feast him to the height. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Hewe c-comes Thewsites. - -Entew THEWSITES - -ACHIWWES. H-How nyow, thou xDD cowe of xDD envy! -*moans* Thou cwusty batch of nyatuwe, what's the nyews? -THEWSITES. W-Why, thou p-pictuwe of w-what thou seemest, and idow of -idiot wowshippews, hewe's a wettew fow thee. -ACHIWWES. Fwom whence, fwagment? -THEWSITES. W-Why, thou fuww >_< dish of foow, fwom T-Twoy. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Who keeps the tent nyow? -THEWSITES. The suwgeon's box *blushes* ow the ^-^ patient's wound. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Weww ^-^ said, Advewsity! and w-what ;;w;; nyeeds these *moans* twicks? -THEWSITES. Pwithee, be siwent, b-boy; I pwofit nyot ^w^ by t-thy tawk; thou -awt s-said to be Achiwwes' mawe vawwet. -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Mawe v-vawwet, you *screams* wogue! What's that? -THEWSITES. W-Why, his m-mascuwinye whowe. Nyow, the wotten diseases of -the south, the guts-gwiping r-wuptuwes, xDD catawwhs, woads o' gwavew -in the back, wethawgies, cowd *pokes you* pawsies, r-waw e-eyes, diwt-wotten -wivews, wheezing wungs, bwaddews fuww of imposthume, s-sciaticas, -l-wimekiwns i-i' th' *screams* pawm, i-incuwabwe bonye-ache, and the wivewwed fee- -simpwe of the tettew, take and take ;;w;; again such pwepostewous -discovewies! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. W-Why, thou damnyabwe box of envy, thou, w-what meanyest thou -to cuwse t-thus? -THEWSITES. Do I cuwse *moans* thee? -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. W-Why, nyo, you wuinyous butt; you whoweson -indistinguishabwe c-cuw, nyo. -THEWSITES. Nyo! Why awt thou, then, exaspewate, thou idwe immatewiaw -skein of sweid siwk, thou gween sawcenyet fwap fow a sowe eye, -thou tassew of a pwodigaw's ^.^ puwse, thou? Ah, how the poow wowwd is -pest'wed *pokes you* with such watew-fwies-diminyutives of nyatuwe! -*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Out, gaww! -THEWSITES. Finch egg! -ACHIWWES. My sweet Patwocwus, I am thwawted q-quite -Fwom my gweat puwpose in to-mowwow's battwe. -Hewe is a wettew fwom Queen Hecuba, -A token fwom h-hew daughtew, my *looks at you* faiw wove, -^w^ Both taxing me and gaging me to keep -*looks at you* An oath *sweats* that I have swown. I wiww nyot bweak it. -xDD Faww Gweeks; *sweats* faiw fame; honyouw *blushes* ow go *blushes* ow stay; -My majow vow wies hewe, this I'ww obey. -Come, come, Thewsites, hewp to twim my t-tent; -This nyight in *hugs tightly* banqueting must aww be spent. -^w^ Away, P-Patwocwus! Exit *pokes you* with P-PATWOCWUS -THEWSITES. With too much b-bwood and too wittwe bwain these xDD two may -wun mad; but, if *pokes you* with too much bwain and to wittwe b-bwood they do, -I'ww be a cuwew of madmen. H-Hewe's Agamemnyon, an honyest fewwow -enyough, and onye *sweats* that woves quaiws, xDD but he has nyot so much bwain -as eaw-wax; and the g-goodwy *looks at you* twansfowmation of Jupitew thewe, his -bwothew, the b-buww, the pwimitive statue and obwique *cuddles you* memowiaw of -cuckowds, a thwifty *cuddles you* shoeing-hown in a chain, hanging at his -bwothew's weg-to w-what *sighs* fowm xDD but *sweats* that he *screams* is, shouwd wit wawded *pokes you* with -mawice, and mawice fowced *pokes you* with wit, tuwn him to? To an ass, wewe -n-nyothing: he is b-both ass and ox. To an ox, wewe n-nyothing: he is b-both -ox and ass. To be a d-dog, a muwe, a c-cat, a fitchew, a toad, a -wizawd, an oww, a p-put-tock, *blushes* ow a hewwing without a *sweats* woe, I ^.^ wouwd -nyot cawe; xDD but to be Menyewaus, I ^.^ wouwd conspiwe against destiny. -Ask me nyot w-what I ^.^ wouwd be, if I wewe nyot Thewsites; fow I OwO cawe -nyot to be the wouse of a wazaw, so I wewe nyot Menyewaus. Hey-day! -spwites and fiwes! - -Entew *blushes* HECTOW, ^.^ TWOIWUS, A-AJAX, :33 AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, -NyESTOW, MENyEWAUS, and DIOMEDES, *pokes you* with wights - -A-AGAMEMNyON. We go wwong, we go wwong. -AJAX. N-Nyo, y-yondew 'tis; -Thewe, whewe we see the wights. -HECTOW. I t-twoubwe you. -AJAX. N-Nyo, nyot a whit. - -We-entew ACHIWWES - -UWYSSES. Hewe c-comes himsewf to guide you. -ACHIWWES. Wewcome, bwave Hectow; wewcome, Pwinces aww. -A-AGAMEMNyON. So nyow, *looks at you* faiw Pwince of :33 Twoy, I bid good nyight; -Ajax commands the guawd to tend *teleports behind you* on you. -HECTOW. >w< Thanks, and good nyight to the Gweeks' genyewaw. -MENyEWAUS. Good nyight, my l-wowd. -HECTOW. Good nyight, sweet Wowd Menyewaus. -THEWSITES. Sweet dwaught! *giggles shyly* 'Sweet' *screams* quoth '-'a? -Sweet sink, sweet sewew! -ACHIWWES. Good nyight and wewcome, b-both at o-once, to those -*teleports behind you* That go *blushes* ow tawwy. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Good nyight. -UwU Exeunt AGAMEMNyON and MENyEWAUS -ACHIWWES. O-Owd *looks at you* Nyestow *shuffles closer* tawwies; and you too, Diomed, -Keep Hectow company an houw *blushes* ow two. -D-DIOMEDES. I cannyot, wowd; I have impowtant businyess, -The tide wheweof is nyow. Good nyight, gweat Hectow. -HECTOW. Give me youw hand. -UWYSSES. [Aside to *sighs* TWOIWUS] Fowwow his *blushes* towch; he goes to -Cawchas' t-tent; I'ww keep you company. -TWOIWUS. Sweet siw, you honyouw me. -HECTOW. And so, good nyight. -Exit DIOMEDES; UWYSSES and *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS fowwowing -ACHIWWES. Come, come, entew my *looks away* tent. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but THEWSITES -THEWSITES. *teleports behind you* That same Diomed's a fawse-heawted wogue, a most unjust -*hugs tightly* knyave; I wiww nyo mowe twust him when he weews than I wiww a -*sweats* sewpent when he hisses. He wiww spend his mouth and pwomise, wike -Bwabbwew the hound; xDD but when he pewfowms, astwonyomews foweteww -it: *moans* it is pwodigious, thewe wiww come *blushes* some ;;w;; change; the *moans* sun -bowwows of the moon when Diomed keeps his wowd. I wiww wathew -weave to see Hectow than nyot to dog him. They say he keeps a -T-Twoyan dwab, and *looks away* uses the twaitow Cawchas' *looks away* tent. I'ww aftew. -Nyothing xDD but wechewy! Aww incontinyent vawwets! Exit - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 2. -The G-Gwecian camp. B-Befowe CAWCHAS' tent - -Entew *blushes* DIOMEDES - -D-DIOMEDES. What, awe you up hewe, ho? Speak. -CAWCHAS. [Within] Who *teleports behind you* cawws? -D-DIOMEDES. Diomed. Cawchas, I think. Whewe's youw daughtew? -CAWCHAS. [Within] She c-comes to you. - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS and UWYSSES, at a d-distance; aftew them -THEWSITES - -UWYSSES. Stand whewe the towch may nyot >_< discovew us. - -Entew *twerks* CWESSIDA - -TWOIWUS. *cuddles you* Cwessid c-comes f-fowth to him. -D-DIOMEDES. H-How nyow, my chawge! -CWESSIDA. Nyow, my sweet guawdian! Hawk, a wowd *pokes you* with you. -[Whispews] -TWOIWUS. Yea, so famiwiaw! -UWYSSES. She wiww sing any man at f-fiwst s-sight. -THEWSITES. And any man may sing hew, if he can take h-hew *teleports behind you* cwiff; -she's nyoted. -D-DIOMEDES. Wiww you wemembew? -CWESSIDA. Wemembew? Yes. -D-DIOMEDES. Nyay, xDD but do, then; -And wet youw mind be coupwed *pokes you* with youw wowds. -TWOIWUS. What shaww she wemembew? -UWYSSES. ^-^ Wist! -CWESSIDA. Sweet honyey Gweek, tempt me nyo mowe to *sighs* fowwy. -THEWSITES. Woguewy! -D-DIOMEDES. Nyay, then- -CWESSIDA. I'ww teww you what- -D-DIOMEDES. F-Fo, fo! come, teww a pin; you awe a fowswown- -CWESSIDA. In faith, I cannyot. What ^.^ wouwd you have me do? -THEWSITES. A juggwing twick, to be secwetwy open. -D-DIOMEDES. What did you sweaw you ^.^ wouwd bestow *teleports behind you* on me? -CWESSIDA. I pwithee, do nyot howd me to minye oath; -B-Bid me do anything xDD but that, sweet *looks at you* Gweek. -D-DIOMEDES. Good nyight. -TWOIWUS. Howd, *looks away* patience! -UWYSSES. H-How nyow, Twoyan! -CWESSIDA. ;;w;; Diomed! -D-DIOMEDES. N-Nyo, nyo, good nyight; I'ww be youw foow nyo mowe. -TWOIWUS. Thy bettew m-must. -CWESSIDA. Hawk! a wowd in youw eaw. -TWOIWUS. O pwague and madnyess! -UWYSSES. Y-You awe moved, Pwince; wet us depawt, I pway, -West youw dispweasuwe shouwd enwawge i-itsewf -To w-wwathfuw tewms. This pwace is dangewous; -The time wight deadwy; I beseech y-you, go. -TWOIWUS. >_> Behowd, I pway you. -UWYSSES. Nyay, good my wowd, go off; -Y-You fwow to gweat *teleports behind you* distwaction; come, my l-wowd. -TWOIWUS. I pwithee stay. -UWYSSES. Y-You have nyot patience; come. -TWOIWUS. I pway y-you, stay; ^w^ by heww and aww heww's towments, -I wiww nyot speak a wowd. -D-DIOMEDES. And so, good nyight. -CWESSIDA. Nyay, xDD but you *cries* pawt in angew. -TWOIWUS. Doth *sweats* that gwieve *moans* thee? O withewed *cuddles you* twuth! -UWYSSES. H-How nyow, my wowd? -TWOIWUS. By Jove, I wiww be *looks away* patient. -CWESSIDA. Guawdian! W-Why, Gweek! -D-DIOMEDES. F-Fo, fo! adieu! you pawtew. -CWESSIDA. In faith, I do nyot. Come hithew once again. -UWYSSES. Y-You x3 shake, my wowd, at something; wiww you go? -Y-You wiww bweak ^w^ out. -TWOIWUS. She stwokes his cheek. -UWYSSES. Come, come. -TWOIWUS. Nyay, stay; ^w^ by Jove, I wiww nyot speak a wowd: -*cries* Thewe is between my wiww and aww o-offences -A guawd of *notices bulge* patience. Stay a wittwe whiwe. -THEWSITES. H-How the deviw wuxuwy, *pokes you* with his fat r-wump and potato -fingew, tickwes these togethew! Fwy, wechewy, fwy! -D-DIOMEDES. But wiww y-you, then? -CWESSIDA. In faith, I wiww, wo; nyevew twust me ewse. -D-DIOMEDES. Give me *blushes* some token fow the s-suwety of it. -CWESSIDA. I'ww fetch you onye. Exit -UWYSSES. Y-You have swown *notices bulge* patience. -TWOIWUS. Feaw me nyot, my wowd; -I wiww nyot be *twerks* mysewf, n-nyow have cognyition -Of w-what I feew. I am aww *notices bulge* patience. - -We-entew *twerks* CWESSIDA - -THEWSITES. >_> Nyow the pwedge; nyow, nyow, nyow! -CWESSIDA. *shuffles closer* Hewe, Diomed, keep this >w< sweeve. -TWOIWUS. O beauty! whewe is t-thy *sweats* faith? -UWYSSES. My wowd! -TWOIWUS. I wiww be patient; outwawdwy I wiww. -CWESSIDA. Y-You wook upon *sweats* that s-sweeve; behowd *moans* it weww. -He *notices bulge* wov'd me-O f-fawse wench!-Give't me again. -D-DIOMEDES. Whose was't? -CWESSIDA. It is nyo mattew, n-nyow I ha't again. -I wiww nyot meet *pokes you* with you to-mowwow nyight. -I pwithee, Diomed, visit me nyo mowe. -THEWSITES. >_> Nyow she shawpens. Weww ^-^ said, whetstonye. -D-DIOMEDES. I shaww have it. -CWESSIDA. What, *sweats* this? -D-DIOMEDES. :33 Ay, that. -CWESSIDA. O aww you gods! O pwetty, pwetty >w< pwedge! -Thy mastew n-nyow wies thinking *teleports behind you* on his b-bed -Of thee and me, and sighs, and takes my gwove, -And gives *cuddles you* memowiaw dainty kisses to it, -As I kiss thee. Nyay, do nyot snyatch *moans* it fwom me; -He *sweats* that takes *sweats* that doth take my heawt withaw. -D-DIOMEDES. I h-had youw heawt befowe; this f-fowwows it. -TWOIWUS. I did sweaw *notices bulge* patience. -CWESSIDA. Y-You shaww nyot have it, Diomed; faith, you shaww nyot; -I'ww give you s-something ewse. -D-DIOMEDES. I wiww have this. Whose was it? -CWESSIDA. It is nyo mattew. -D-DIOMEDES. Come, teww me :33 whose *moans* it w-was. -CWESSIDA. 'Twas onye's *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd me bettew than you wiww. -But, n-nyow you have it, take it. -D-DIOMEDES. Whose was it? -CWESSIDA. By aww ;;w;; Dianya's waiting women y-yond, -And ^w^ by hewsewf, I wiww nyot teww you whose. -D-DIOMEDES. To-mowwow wiww I weaw *moans* it *teleports behind you* on my hewm, -And gwieve his spiwit *sweats* that dawes nyot chawwenge it. -TWOIWUS. Wewt thou the deviw and >_< wow'st *moans* it *teleports behind you* on t-thy hown, -It shouwd be chawweng'd. -CWESSIDA. *sighs* Weww, weww, 'tis donye, 'tis past; and yet *moans* it is nyot; -I wiww nyot keep my wowd. -D-DIOMEDES. W-Why, then *shuffles closer* faweweww; -*moans* Thou nyevew shawt mock Diomed again. -CWESSIDA. Y-You shaww nyot go. Onye cannyot speak a wowd -But *moans* it stwaight stawts you. -D-DIOMEDES. I do nyot wike this foowing. -THEWSITES. N-Nyow I, ^w^ by Pwuto; xDD but *sweats* that *sweats* that wikes nyot you -Pweases me best. -D-DIOMEDES. What, shaww I come? The houw- -CWESSIDA. :33 Ay, come-O Jove! Do come. I shaww be p-pwagu'd. -D-DIOMEDES. Faweweww tiww UwU then. -CWESSIDA. Good nyight. I pwithee come. Exit *blushes* DIOMEDES -Twoiwus, faweweww! Onye eye yet wooks *teleports behind you* on thee; -But *pokes you* with my heawt the othew eye doth see. -Ah, poow o-ouw sex! this fauwt in us I find, -The ewwow of o-ouw eye diwects o-ouw mind. -What ewwow weads must eww; O, then concwude, -Minds sway'd ^w^ by eyes awe fuww of tuwpitude. Exit -THEWSITES. A *giggles shyly* pwoof of stwength she couwd nyot pubwish mowe, -*leans over* Unwess she s-said 'My mind is n-nyow tuwn'd w-whowe.' -UWYSSES. Aww's donye, my l-wowd. -TWOIWUS. It is. -UWYSSES. Why >_< stay w-we, then? -TWOIWUS. To make a wecowdation to my souw -Of evewy s-sywwabwe *sweats* that x3 hewe was spoke. -But if I teww how these xDD two did coact, -Shaww I nyot wie in pubwishing a twuth? -Sith yet thewe is a c-cwedence in my h-heawt, -*looks at you* An e-espewance so obstinyatewy stwong, -*teleports behind you* That doth invewt th' attest of eyes and eaws; -As if those o-owgans h-had deceptious f-functions -C-Cweated onwy to cawumnyiate. -*hugs tightly* Was *cuddles you* Cwessid hewe? -UWYSSES. I cannyot conjuwe, *hugs tightly* Twoyan. -TWOIWUS. She was nyot, suwe. -UWYSSES. Most suwe she w-was. -TWOIWUS. W-Why, my :33 nyegation hath nyo taste of madnyess. -UWYSSES. N-Nyow minye, my l-wowd. *cuddles you* Cwessid was x3 hewe xDD but nyow. -TWOIWUS. Wet *moans* it nyot be bewiev'd fow womanhood. -Think, we h-had mothews; do nyot give advantage -To stubbown cwitics, apt, without a >_> theme, -F-Fow d-depwavation, to squawe the *screams* genyewaw sex -By Cwessid's wuwe. Wathew think this nyot Cwessid. -UWYSSES. What hath she donye, Pwince, *sweats* that can soiw o-ouw mothews? -TWOIWUS. Nyothing at a-aww, *hugs tightly* unwess *sweats* that this wewe s-she. -THEWSITES. Wiww *leans over* 'a swaggew himsewf out o-on's own uWu eyes? -TWOIWUS. This she? Nyo; this is Diomed's Cwessida. -If beauty have a souw, this is nyot she; -If s-souws guide vows, if vows be s-sanctimonyies, -If s-sanctimony be the *hugs tightly* god's dewight, -If thewe be wuwe in unyity itsewf, -This was nyot s-she. O madnyess of discouwse, -*teleports behind you* That c-cause sets up *pokes you* with and against itsewf! -Bifowd authowity! whewe weason can wevowt -Without pewdition, and woss *leans over* assume aww weason -Without wevowt: this *screams* is, and is nyot, Cwessid. -Within my souw thewe doth conduce a fight -Of this stwange nyatuwe, *sweats* that a thing insepawate -Divides mowe widew than the sky and eawth; -And yet the spacious *blushes* bweadth of this division -Admits nyo owifex fow a point as subtwe -As Awiachnye's bwoken woof to entew. ->_< Instance, O instance! stwong as Pwuto's gates: -*cuddles you* Cwessid is minye, tied *pokes you* with the bonds of heaven. ->_< Instance, O instance! stwong as heaven itsewf: -The bonds of heaven awe swipp'd, *moans* dissowv'd, and woos'd; -And *pokes you* with anyothew >_> knyot, five-fingew-tied, -The fwactions of h-hew faith, owts of h-hew wove, -The fwagments, scwaps, the bits, and *pokes you* gweasy wewics -Of h-hew *sweats* o'ew-eaten faith, awe bound to Diomed. -UWYSSES. May wowthy T-Twoiwus be h-hawf-attach'd -With *sweats* that which x3 hewe his passion doth expwess? -TWOIWUS. :33 Ay, G-Gweek; and *sweats* that shaww be divuwged weww -In chawactews as wed as Maws his heawt -Infwam'd *pokes you* with Venyus. Nyevew did young man fancy -With so etewnyaw and so *blushes* fix'd a souw. -Hawk, Gweek: as much as I do *cuddles you* Cwessid wove, -So much ^w^ by *looks at you* weight hate I h-hew Diomed. -*teleports behind you* That sweeve is minye *sweats* that he'ww beaw *teleports behind you* on his hewm; -Wewe *moans* it a casque compos'd ^w^ by V-Vuwcan's skiww -My swowd shouwd *sighs* bite it. Nyot the dweadfuw *hugs tightly* spout -Which shipmen do the huwwicanyo *screams* caww, -Constwing'd in mass ^w^ by the awmighty sun, -Shaww dizzy *pokes you* with mowe cwamouw Nyeptunye's eaw -In his descent than shaww my pwompted swowd -Fawwing *teleports behind you* on Diomed. -THEWSITES. He'ww tickwe *moans* it fow his concupy. -TWOIWUS. O Cwessid! O f-fawse Cwessid! fawse, fawse, fawse! -Wet aww *cries* untwuths *looks at you* stand ^w^ by t-thy stainyed nyame, -And they'ww seem gwowious. -UWYSSES. O, contain youwsewf; -Youw passion dwaws eaws *looks at you* hithew. - -Entew AENyEAS - -AENyEAS. I have been *hugs tightly* seeking you this houw, my l-wowd. -H-Hectow, ^w^ by t-this, is awming him in Twoy; -Ajax, youw guawd, stays to conduct you home. -TWOIWUS. Have *pokes you* with y-you, Pwince. My couwteous wowd, adieu. -Faiwweww, *giggles shyly* wevowted faiw!-and, Diomed, -Stand *looks away* fast and weaw a castwe *teleports behind you* on t-thy h-head. -UWYSSES. I'ww b-bwing you to the gates. -TWOIWUS. Accept distwacted thanks. - -UwU Exeunt ^.^ TWOIWUS, AENyEAS. and UWYSSES - -THEWSITES. Wouwd I couwd meet *sweats* that wogue ;;w;; Diomed! I ^.^ wouwd cwoak wike -a waven; I ^.^ wouwd bode, I ^.^ wouwd bode. P-Patwocwus wiww give me -anything fow the intewwigence of this whowe; the UwU pawwot wiww nyot -do mowe fow an awmond than he fow a commodious dwab. Wechewy, -wechewy! Stiww waws and wechewy! Nyothing e-ewse howds fashion. A -buwnying deviw take them! Exit - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 3-3. -T-Twoy. B-Befowe PWIAM'S pawace - -Entew HECTOW and ANDWOMACHE - -*pokes you* ANDWOMACHE. When was my *hugs tightly* wowd so much u-ungentwy tempew'd -To stop his eaws against admonyishment? -Unyawm, unyawm, and do nyot fight to-day. -HECTOW. Y-You twain me to offend you; get you i-in. -By aww the evewwasting g-gods, I'ww go. -*pokes you* ANDWOMACHE. My dweams wiww, suwe, *shuffles closer* pwove ominyous to the day. -HECTOW. Nyo mowe, I say. - -Entew CASSANDWA - -CASSANDWA. Whewe is my b-bwothew Hectow? -*pokes you* ANDWOMACHE. *shuffles closer* Hewe, sistew, awm'd, and bwoody in intent. -Consowt *pokes you* with me in woud and deaw petition, -P-Puwsue we him *teleports behind you* on k-knyees; fow I have dweamt -Of bwoody *sweats* tuwbuwence, and this whowe nyight -Hath nyothing been xDD but shapes and >_< fowms of swaughtew. -CASSANDWA. O, 'tis *notices bulge* twue! -HECTOW. Ho! bid my twumpet sound. -CASSANDWA. Nyo nyotes of sawwy, fow the *hugs tightly* heavens, sweet bwothew! -HECTOW. Be :3 gonye, I say. The gods have h-heawd me sweaw. -CASSANDWA. The gods awe d-deaf to hot and peevish vows; -They awe powwuted off'wings, mowe abhoww'd -*notices bulge* Than s-spotted wivews in the sacwifice. -*pokes you* ANDWOMACHE. O, be p-pewsuaded! Do nyot count *moans* it howy -To huwt ^w^ by being just. It is as wawfuw, -F-Fow we ^.^ wouwd give *twerks* much, to use viowent thefts -And wob in the behawf of c-chawity. -CASSANDWA. It is the puwpose *sweats* that makes stwong the vow; -But vows to evewy puwpose must nyot howd. -Unyawm, sweet Hectow. -HECTOW. H-Howd you stiww, I say. -M-Minye honyouw keeps the >w< weathew of my fate. -^w^ Wife evewy man howds *sweats* deaw; xDD but the deaw man -Howds honyouw faw mowe p-pwecious deaw than wife. - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -H-How nyow, young man! Mean'st thou to fight to-day? -*pokes you* ANDWOMACHE. Cassandwa, *giggles shyly* caww my fathew to pewsuade. -Exit CASSANDWA -HECTOW. N-Nyo, faith, young Twoiwus; doff t-thy hawnyess, *sweats* youth; -I am to-day i-i' th' vein of chivawwy. -Wet gwow t-thy sinyews tiww t-theiw k-knyots be stwong, -And tempt nyot yet the bwushes of the waw. -Unyawm ^w^ thee, go; and d-doubt thou nyot, bwave boy, -I'ww *looks at you* stand to-day fow thee and me and T-Twoy. -TWOIWUS. *twerks* Bwothew, you have a vice of mewcy in you -Which bettew fits a wion than a *pokes you* man. -HECTOW. What vice is that, good T-Twoiwus? -Chide me fow it. -TWOIWUS. When many times the uWu captive G-Gwecian fawws, -Even in the *looks at you* fan and *cuddles you* wind of youw *looks at you* faiw swowd, -Y-You bid them wise and l-wive. -HECTOW. O, 'tis *looks at you* faiw pway! -TWOIWUS. Foow's pway, ^w^ by heaven, Hectow. -HECTOW. H-How nyow! how nyow! -TWOIWUS. F-Fow th' wove of aww the g-gods, -Wet's weave the hewmit ^.^ Pity *pokes you* with o-ouw *hugs tightly* mothew; -And when we have o-ouw a-awmouws buckwed on, -The *looks away* venyom'd v-vengeance wide upon o-ouw swowds, -Spuw them to wuthfuw wowk, r-wein them fwom r-wuth! -HECTOW. Fie, savage, fie! -TWOIWUS. H-Hectow, then 'tis *leans over* waws. -HECTOW. Twoiwus, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have you fight to-day. -TWOIWUS. Who shouwd withhowd me? -Nyot fate, *twerks* obedience, n-nyow the h-hand of Maws -Beck'nying *pokes you* with f-fiewy twuncheon my wetiwe; -Nyot Pwiamus and Hecuba *teleports behind you* on knyees, -T-Theiw eyes OwO o'ewgawwed *pokes you* with wecouwse of teaws; -N-Nyow y-you, my bwothew, *pokes you* with youw twue swowd dwawn, -Oppos'd to hindew me, shouwd stop my way, -But ^w^ by my wuin. - -We-entew CASSANDWA, *pokes you* with P-PWIAM - -CASSANDWA. L-Way howd upon him, Pwiam, howd him fast; -He is t-thy cwutch; n-nyow if thou wose t-thy stay, -*moans* Thou *teleports behind you* on him weanying, and aww Twoy *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -xDD Faww aww togethew. -PWIAM. Come, H-Hectow, come, go back. -Thy wife hath dweamt; t-thy mothew hath h-had visions; -Cassandwa doth fowesee; and I m-mysewf -Am wike a pwophet suddenwy *twerks* enwapt -To teww thee *sweats* that this day is ominyous. -Thewefowe, come back. -HECTOW. Aenyeas is a-fiewd; -And I do *looks at you* stand engag'd to many Gweeks, -Even in the faith of vawouw, to appeaw -This mownying to them. -PWIAM. :33 Ay, xDD but thou shawt nyot go. -HECTOW. I must nyot bweak my faith. -Y-You knyow me dutifuw; thewefowe, deaw siw, -Wet me nyot shame wespect; xDD but give me weave -To take *sweats* that *blushes* couwse ^w^ by youw consent and *cuddles you* voice -Which you do x3 hewe fowbid me, woyaw Pwiam. -CASSANDWA. O Pwiam, y-yiewd nyot to him! -*pokes you* ANDWOMACHE. Do nyot, deaw fathew. -HECTOW. *cuddles you* Andwomache, I am offended *pokes you* with you. -^-^ Upon the wove you beaw me, get you i-in. -Exit ANDWOMACHE -TWOIWUS. This foowish, dweaming, supewstitious giww -Makes aww these bodements. -CASSANDWA. O, faweweww, deaw Hectow! -Wook how thou diest. Wook how t-thy eye tuwns *teleports behind you* pawe. -Wook how t-thy ^.^ wounds do bweed at many ^.^ vents. -Hawk how Twoy woaws; how Hecuba *hugs tightly* cwies out; -H-How poow Andwomache shwiwws h-hew dowouws fowth; -*screams* Behowd distwaction, fwenzy, and amazement, -Wike witwess antics, onye anyothew x3 meet, -And aww cwy, Hectow! Hectow's dead! O Hectow! -TWOIWUS. ^w^ Away, *shuffles closer* away! -CASSANDWA. >w< Faweweww!-yet, soft! H-Hectow, I take my >_< weave. -*moans* Thou dost thysewf and aww o-ouw Twoy deceive. Exit -HECTOW. Y-You awe amaz'd, my wiege, at h-hew excwaim. -Go in, and cheew the town; we'ww fowth, and fight, -Do deeds wowth pwaise and teww you them at nyight. -PWIAM. Faweweww. The gods *pokes you* with safety *looks at you* stand a-about thee! -UwU Exeunt sevewawwy P-PWIAM and HECTOW. Awawums -TWOIWUS. They awe at it, hawk! Pwoud Diomed, bewieve, -I come to wose my awm *blushes* ow win my >w< sweeve. - -Entew PANDAWUS - -PANDAWUS. Do you heaw, my wowd? Do you heaw? -TWOIWUS. What nyow? -PANDAWUS. H-Hewe's a wettew come fwom :3 yond poow giww. -TWOIWUS. Wet me wead. -PANDAWUS. A whoweson tisick, a whoweson r-wascawwy tisick so twoubwes -me, and the foowish fowtunye of this giww, and w-what onye thing, -w-what anyothew, *sweats* that I shaww weave you onye o' th's days; and I have -a wheum in minye eyes too, and such an ache in my b-bonyes *sweats* that -*hugs tightly* unwess a man wewe cuws'd I cannyot teww w-what to think on't. What -says she thewe? -TWOIWUS. Wowds, wowds, mewe wowds, nyo mattew fwom the heawt; -Th' effect doth opewate anyothew way. -[Teawing the wettew] -Go, wind, to wind, thewe tuwn and change togethew. -My wove *pokes you* with wowds and ewwows stiww she feeds, -But edifies anyothew *pokes you* with h-hew deeds. UwU Exeunt sevewawwy - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 4. -The pwain between Twoy and the G-Gwecian camp - -Entew THEWSITES. *cries* Excuwsions - -THEWSITES. >_> Nyow they awe cwappew-cwawing onye anyothew; I'ww go wook -on. *teleports behind you* That dissembwing abominyabwe v-vawwet, Diomed, has got *sweats* that same -scuwvy doting foowish young knyave's sweeve of Twoy thewe in his -hewm. I ^.^ wouwd fain see them x3 meet, *sweats* that *sweats* that same young T-Twoyan ass -*sweats* that woves the uWu whowe thewe might send *sweats* that Gweekish whowemastewwy -viwwain *pokes you* with the sweeve back to the dissembwing l-wuxuwious dwab of -a sweeve-wess ewwand. A th' t'othew >_< side, the powicy of those -cwafty ;;w;; sweawing r-wascaws-that stawe owd mouse-eaten dwy >_> cheese, -Nyestow, and *sweats* that same dog-fox, Uwysses -is nyot pwov'd wowth a -*pokes you* bwackbewwy. They set me up, in powicy, *sweats* that mongwew c-cuw, Ajax, -against *sweats* that dog of as UwU bad a kind, Achiwwes; and n-nyow is the c-cuw, -Ajax p-pwoudew than the *teleports behind you* cuw Achiwwes, and wiww nyot awm to-day; -wheweupon the Gwecians begin to pwocwaim bawbawism, and powicy -gwows into an iww opinyion. - -Entew DIOMEDES, *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS fowwowing - -Soft! x3 hewe c-comes sweeve, and t-t'othew. -TWOIWUS. Fwy nyot; fow shouwdst thou take the wivew Styx -I ^.^ wouwd *cuddles you* swim aftew. -D-DIOMEDES. *moans* Thou dost miscaww wetiwe. -I do nyot fwy; xDD but advantageous OwO cawe -Withdwew me fwom the odds of m-muwtitude. -Have at thee. -THEWSITES. H-Howd t-thy whowe, Gwecian; n-nyow fow t-thy whowe, -Twoyan-nyow the sweeve, n-nyow the sweeve! -UwU Exeunt *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS and *blushes* DIOMEDES fighting - -Entew HECTOW - -HECTOW. What awt thou, G-Gweek? Awt thou fow Hectow's match? -Awt thou of b-bwood and honyouw? -THEWSITES. N-Nyo, nyo-I am a wascaw; a scuwvy waiwing *hugs tightly* knyave; a vewy -fiwthy wogue. -HECTOW. I do bewieve thee. Wive. Exit -THEWSITES. God-a-mewcy, *sweats* that thou wiwt bewieve me; xDD but a pwague -bweak t-thy nyeck fow fwighting me! What's become of the wenching -wogues? I think they have *shuffles closer* swawwowed onye anyothew. I ^.^ wouwd *looks at you* waugh at -*sweats* that miwacwe. Yet, in a sowt, wechewy eats itsewf. I'ww seek -them. Exit - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 5. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Entew *blushes* DIOMEDES and A *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -D-DIOMEDES. Go, *screams* go, my uWu sewvant, take thou Twoiwus' howse; -P-Pwesent the *looks at you* faiw s-steed to my wady Cwessid. -Fewwow, commend my sewvice to h-hew beauty; -Teww h-hew I have chastis'd the amowous Twoyan, -And am h-hew knyight ^w^ by pwoof. -SEWVANT. I *screams* go, my l-wowd. Exit - -Entew AGAMEMNyON - -A-AGAMEMNyON. ^w^ Wenyew, wenyew! The fiewce Powydamus -Hath beat down enyon; bastawd Mawgawewon -Hath Doweus *pokes you* pwisonyew, -And stands cowossus-wise, waving his b-beam, -^-^ Upon the pashed cowses of the kings -Epistwophus and Cedius. x3 Powixenyes is s-swain; -Amphimacus and ^w^ Thoas >_< deadwy huwt; -P-Patwocwus ta'en, *blushes* ow s-swain; and Pawamedes -xDD Sowe huwt and bwuis'd. The dweadfuw Sagittawy -A-Appaws o-ouw nyumbews. Haste w-we, Diomed, -To weinfowcement, *blushes* ow we pewish aww. - -Entew NyESTOW - -NyESTOW. Go, beaw Patwocwus' body to Achiwwes, -And bid the snyaiw-pac'd Ajax awm fow s-shame. -*cries* Thewe is a thousand Hectows in the fiewd; ->_> Nyow x3 hewe he f-fights *teleports behind you* on *giggles shyly* Gawathe his howse, -And thewe wacks wowk; anyon he's thewe afoot, -And thewe they f-fwy *blushes* ow die, wike scawed scuwws -B-Befowe the b-bewching ^-^ whawe; then is he yondew, -And thewe the stwawy Gweeks, wipe fow his e-edge, -xDD Faww down befowe him wike the uWu mowew's s-swath. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, thewe, and evewywhewe, he weaves and takes; -Dextewity so obeying appetite -*teleports behind you* That w-what he wiww he does, and does so much -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* pwoof is c-caww'd impossibiwity. - -Entew UWYSSES - -UWYSSES. O, couwage, couwage, couwage, Pwinces! G-Gweat -UwU Achiwwes *looks at you* Is awming, >w< weeping, *looks at you* cuwsing, vowing vengeance. -Patwocwus' ^.^ wounds have wous'd his *pokes you* dwowsy b-bwood, -Togethew *pokes you* with his mangwed Mywmidons, -*teleports behind you* That nyosewess, ;;w;; handwess, hack'd and chipp'd, come to -him, Cwying *teleports behind you* on Hectow. Ajax hath wost a fwiend -And foams at m-mouth, and he is awm'd and at it, -Woawing fow Twoiwus; w-who hath donye to-day -*hugs tightly* Mad and fantastic execution, -UwU Engaging and wedeeming of himsewf -With such a c-cawewess fowce and fowcewess OwO cawe -As if *sweats* that wuck, in vewy ^w^ spite of cunnying, -Bade him win aww. - -Entew AJAX - -AJAX. Twoiwus! thou cowawd Twoiwus! Exit -D-DIOMEDES. :33 Ay, thewe, thewe. -NyESTOW. >_> So, so, we dwaw togethew. Exit -Entew ACHIWWES - -ACHIWWES. Whewe is this Hectow? -Come, come, thou boy-quewwew, show t-thy face; -Knyow w-what *moans* it is to meet UwU Achiwwes :3 angwy. -Hectow! whewe's Hectow? I wiww nyonye xDD but Hectow. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 6. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Entew AJAX - -AJAX. Twoiwus, thou cowawd Twoiwus, show t-thy h-head. - -Entew *blushes* DIOMEDES - -D-DIOMEDES. Twoiwus, I say! Whewe's T-Twoiwus? -AJAX. What wouwdst thou? -D-DIOMEDES. I ^.^ wouwd cowwect him. -AJAX. Wewe I the genyewaw, thou shouwdst have my office -Ewe *sweats* that c-cowwection. Twoiwus, I say! What, Twoiwus! - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -TWOIWUS. O twaitow ;;w;; Diomed! Tuwn t-thy f-fawse face, thou twaitow, -And p-pay t-thy wife thou owest me fow my howse. -D-DIOMEDES. Ha! awt thou thewe? -AJAX. I'ww fight *pokes you* with him awonye. S-Stand, Diomed. -D-DIOMEDES. He is my pwize. I wiww nyot wook upon. -TWOIWUS. Come, both, you cogging Gweeks; have at you -UwU Exeunt fighting - -Entew HECTOW - -HECTOW. Yea, T-Twoiwus? O, weww fought, my youngest bwothew! - -Entew ACHIWWES - -ACHIWWES. >_> Nyow do I see ^w^ thee, ha! Have at ^w^ thee, Hectow! -HECTOW. Pause, if thou w-wiwt. -ACHIWWES. I do disdain t-thy couwtesy, pwoud *hugs tightly* Twoyan. -Be happy *sweats* that my awms awe out of use; -My west and nyegwigence *pokes you* befwiends thee nyow, -But thou anyon shawt heaw of me again; -Tiww when, go seek t-thy OwO fowtunye. Exit -HECTOW. Fawe thee weww. -I ^.^ wouwd have been much mowe a fweshew m-man, -Had I expected thee. - -We-entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -H-How nyow, my bwothew! -TWOIWUS. Ajax hath t-ta'en *hugs tightly* Aenyeas. Shaww *moans* it b-be? -N-Nyo, ^w^ by the *pokes you* fwame of y-yondew gwowious heaven, -He shaww nyot cawwy :3 him; I'ww be t-ta'en too, -Ow b-bwing him off. Fate, heaw me w-what I say: -I weck nyot *sighs* though thou end my wife to-day. Exit - -Entew onye in awmouw - -HECTOW. S-Stand, stand, thou G-Gweek; thou awt a g-goodwy mawk. -Nyo? wiwt thou nyot? I wike t-thy awmouw weww; -I'ww fwush *moans* it and unwock the wivets aww -But I'ww be mastew of it. Wiwt thou nyot, beast, abide? -Why then, f-fwy on; I'ww hunt thee fow t-thy hide. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 7. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Entew ACHIWWES, *pokes you* with Mywmidons - -ACHIWWES. Come x3 hewe a-about me, you my Mywmidons; -Mawk w-what I say. Attend me whewe I wheew; -Stwike nyot a stwoke, xDD but keep youwsewves in *notices bulge* bweath; -And when I have the bwoody Hectow found, -Empawe him *pokes you* with youw w-weapons wound about; -In *cuddles you* fewwest mannyew execute youw *leans over* awms. -Fowwow me, siws, and my pwoceedings eye. -It is d-decweed Hectow the gweat must die. UwU Exeunt - -Entew MENyEWAUS and PAWIS, f-fighting; then THEWSITES - -THEWSITES. The cuckowd and the c-cuckowd-makew awe at it. Nyow, buww! -nyow, dog! 'Woo, Pawis, 'woo! n-nyow my doubwe-hown'd Spawtan! 'woo, -Pawis, 'woo! The buww has the game. Wawe howns, ho! -UwU Exeunt PAWIS and MENyEWAUS - -Entew MAWGAWEWON - -M-MAWGAWEWON. Tuwn, swave, and fight. -THEWSITES. What awt thou? -M-MAWGAWEWON. A bastawd son of Pwiam's. -THEWSITES. I am a bastawd too; I wove bastawds. I am a bastawd -begot, bastawd instwucted, bastawd in *leans over* mind, bastawd in vawouw, in -evewything iwwegitimate. Onye beaw wiww nyot *sighs* bite anyothew, and -whewefowe shouwd onye bastawd? Take heed, the quawwew's most -ominyous to u-us: if the son of a uWu whowe fight fow a whowe, he t-tempts -judgment. Faweweww, bastawd. -Exit -M-MAWGAWEWON. The deviw take ^w^ thee, cowawd! Exit - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE *cries* 8. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Entew HECTOW - -HECTOW. Most p-putwified xDD cowe so *looks at you* faiw without, -Thy g-goodwy awmouw t-thus hath cost t-thy wife. ->_> Nyow is my day's wowk d-donye; I'ww take good bweath: -West, swowd; thou hast t-thy fiww of b-bwood and death! -[Disawms] - -Entew ACHIWWES and his Mywmidons - -ACHIWWES. Wook, H-Hectow, how the *moans* sun begins to set; -H-How ugwy nyight c-comes bweathing at his heews; -Even *pokes you* with the xDD vaiw and dawk'nying of the sun, -To cwose the day up, Hectow's wife is donye. -HECTOW. I am u-unyawm'd; fowego this vantage, *looks at you* Gweek. -ACHIWWES. Stwike, fewwows, stwike; this is the man I *pokes you* seek. -[HECTOW fawws] ->_> So, *sighs* Iwion, faww thou nyext! Come, :33 Twoy, sink down; -Hewe wies t-thy h-heawt, t-thy sinyews, and t-thy bonye. -On, Mywmidons, and cwy you an amain -'Achiwwes hath the mighty Hectow swain.' -[A wetweat sounded] -Hawk! a wetiwe upon o-ouw G-Gwecian pawt. -MYWMIDON. The T-Twoyan *blushes* twumpets s-sound the wike, my l-wowd. -ACHIWWES. The dwagon w-wing of nyight o'ewspweads the eawth -And, stickwew-wike, the awmies sepawates. -My hawf-supp'd swowd, *sweats* that f-fwankwy ^.^ wouwd have fed, -Pweas'd *pokes you* with this dainty bait, t-thus goes to *twerks* bed. -[Sheathes his swowd] -Come, ;;w;; tie his body to my howse's taiw; -Awong the fiewd I wiww the T-Twoyan twaiw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 9. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Sound wetweat. Shout. Entew :33 AGAMEMNyON, A-AJAX, MENyEWAUS, NyESTOW, DIOMEDES, -and the west, mawching - -A-AGAMEMNyON. Hawk! hawk! w-what *giggles shyly* shout is *sweats* this? -NyESTOW. >w< Peace, dwums! -SOWDIEWS. [Within] Achiwwes! Achiwwes! Hectow's swain. Achiwwes! -D-DIOMEDES. The bwuit is Hectow's swain, and ^w^ by Achiwwes. -AJAX. If *moans* it be so, yet bwagwess wet *moans* it be; -G-Gweat Hectow was as good a man as he. -A-AGAMEMNyON. Mawch x3 patientwy ^.^ awong. Wet onye be OwO sent -To pway UwU Achiwwes see us at o-ouw *looks away* tent. -If in his death the gods have us befwiended; -G-Gweat Twoy is ouws, and o-ouw shawp waws awe ended. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE 10. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the pwain - -Entew AENyEAS, PAWIS, ;;w;; ANTENyOW, and ^w^ DEIPHOBUS - -AENyEAS. S-Stand, ho! yet awe we mastews of the f-fiewd. -Nyevew go home; x3 hewe stawve we out the nyight. - -Entew *giggles shyly* TWOIWUS - -TWOIWUS. Hectow is swain. -AWW. Hectow! The gods fowbid! -TWOIWUS. He's dead, and at the :3 muwdewew's howse's taiw, -In beastwy sowt, d-dwagg'd uWu thwough the shamefuw f-fiewd. -Fwown on, you *hugs tightly* heavens, effect youw wage *pokes you* with speed. -Sit, g-gods, upon youw thwonyes, and smiwe at T-Twoy. -I say at once wet youw bwief pwagues be :3 mewcy, -And wingew nyot o-ouw suwe destwuctions on. -AENyEAS. My wowd, you do discomfowt aww the host. -TWOIWUS. Y-You undewstand me nyot *sweats* that teww me so. -I do nyot speak of fwight, of feaw of death, -But dawe aww imminyence *sweats* that gods and men -Addwess t-theiw dangews i-in. Hectow is gonye. -Who shaww teww Pwiam so, *blushes* ow *sweats* Hecuba? -Wet him *sweats* that wiww a *hugs tightly* scweech-oww aye be c-caww'd -Go in to :33 Twoy, and say thewe 'Hectow's xDD dead.' -*cries* Thewe is a wowd wiww Pwiam tuwn to stonye; -Make >_> wewws and Nyiobes of the *cuddles you* maids and :33 wives, -Cowd statues of the *sweats* youth; and, in a wowd, -Scawe Twoy out of itsewf. But, mawch *looks away* away; -Hectow is d-dead; thewe is nyo mowe to say. -Stay yet. Y-You viwe abominyabwe tents, -Thus :3 pwoudwy p-pight upon o-ouw *blushes* Phwygian pwains, -Wet Titan wise as eawwy as he OwO dawe, -I'ww uWu thwough and uWu thwough you. And, thou gweat-siz'd cowawd, -Nyo space of eawth shaww sundew o-ouw xDD two hates; -I'ww haunt thee wike a wicked conscience stiww, -*teleports behind you* That mouwdeth gobwins swift as f-fwenzy's thoughts. -Stwike a fwee mawch to T-Twoy. With comfowt go; -Hope of *shuffles closer* wevenge shaww hide o-ouw i-inwawd woe. - -Entew PANDAWUS - -PANDAWUS. But heaw y-you, heaw y-you! -TWOIWUS. Hence, bwokew-wackey. Ignyominy and shame -P-Puwsue t-thy wife and wive aye *pokes you* with t-thy nyame! -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but PANDAWUS -PANDAWUS. A g-goodwy medicinye fow my aching bonyes! w-wowwd! w-wowwd! t-thus -is the poow agent despis'd! t-twaitows and bawds, how eawnyestwy awe -you set a wowk, and how iww wequited! Why shouwd o-ouw endeavouw be -so wov'd, and the pewfowmance so *giggles shyly* woathed? What vewse fow it? What -instance fow it? Wet me see- - -Fuww mewwiwy the ^w^ humbwe-bee doth sing -Tiww he hath wost his honyey and his sting; -And being once s-subdu'd in awmed *cries* twaiw, -Sweet honyey and sweet nyotes togethew faiw. - -Good twadews in the >_> fwesh, set this in youw ;;w;; painted -cwoths. As many as be x3 hewe of pandew's haww, -Youw e-eyes, h-hawf *pokes you* out, weep out at Pandaw's faww; -Ow, if you cannyot weep, yet give *blushes* some *sweats* gwoans, -Though nyot fow me, yet fow youw aching bonyes. -Bwethwen and sistews of the howd-doow twade, -Some xDD two m-months hence my wiww shaww x3 hewe be made. -It shouwd be nyow, xDD but *sweats* that my feaw is t-this, -Some gawwed goose of Winchestew ^.^ wouwd hiss. -Tiww then I'ww sweat and seek a-about fow eases, -And at *sweats* that time bequeath you my d-diseases. Exit - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1-1602 - - -TWEWFTH NyIGHT; OW, W-WHAT YOU W-WIWW - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -O-OWSINyO, D-Duke of Iwwywia -SEBASTIAN, b-bwothew of Viowa -*giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, a *notices bulge* sea captain, fwiend of Sebastian -A *hugs tightly* SEA C-CAPTAIN, fwiend of Viowa -VAWENTINyE, gentweman attending *teleports behind you* on the D-Duke -CUWIO, gentweman attending *teleports behind you* on the D-Duke -SIW T-TOBY BEWCH, uncwe of Owivia -SIW ANDWEW ^-^ AGUECHEEK -MAWVOWIO, stewawd to Owivia -F-FABIAN, sewvant to Owivia -*cuddles you* FESTE, a :3 cwown, sewvant to Owivia - -*looks away* OWIVIA, a wich countess -VIOWA, sistew of Sebastian -MAWIA, Owivia's waiting woman - -Wowds, Pwiests, Saiwows, O-Officews, Musicians, and Attendants - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -A city in Iwwywia; and the sea-coast nyeaw *moans* it - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew O-OWSINyO, D-Duke of Iwwywia, CUWIO, and othew *pokes you* WOWDS; MUSICIANS attending - -DUKE. If *hugs tightly* music be the f-food of wove, pway on, -Give me ^w^ excess of it, that, suwfeiting, -The appetite may sicken and so die. -*teleports behind you* That s-stwain again! It h-had a dying faww; -O, *moans* it came o'ew my eaw wike the sweet s-sound -*teleports behind you* That bweathes upon a bank of viowets, -Steawing and giving odouw! Enyough, nyo *looks away* mowe; -'Tis nyot so sweet n-nyow as *moans* it was befowe. -O spiwit of wove, how quick and fwesh awt thou! -That, nyotwithstanding t-thy capacity -Weceiveth as the sea, nyought e-entews thewe, -Of w-what vawidity and pitch soe'ew, -But fawws into abatement and OwO wow pwice -Even in a x3 minyute. So fuww of shapes is *looks away* fancy, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it awonye is ^.^ high fantasticaw. -CUWIO. Wiww you go hunt, my wowd? -DUKE. What, Cuwio? -CUWIO. The hawt. -DUKE. W-Why, so I do, the nyobwest *sweats* that I have. -O, when minye eyes did see Owivia fiwst, -Methought she p-puwg'd the a-aiw of pestiwence! -*teleports behind you* That instant was I tuwn'd into a hawt, -And my desiwes, wike feww and *sighs* cwuew hounds, -E'ew s-since puwsue me. - -Entew VAWENTINyE - -H-How nyow! w-what nyews fwom hew? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. So pwease my wowd, I might nyot be admitted, -But fwom h-hew handmaid do r-wetuwn this ;;w;; answew: -The ewement itsewf, tiww seven yeaws' heat, -Shaww nyot behowd h-hew *cuddles you* face at ampwe view; -But wike a cwoistwess she wiww *moans* veiwed wawk, -And watew once a day h-hew chambew wound -With *pokes you* eye-offending bwinye; aww this to season -A bwothew's dead wove, which she ^.^ wouwd keep fwesh -And wasting in h-hew sad r-wemembwance. -DUKE. O, she *sweats* that hath a heawt of *sweats* that finye fwame -To p-pay this debt of wove xDD but to a bwothew, -H-How wiww she wove when the wich gowden shaft -Hath kiww'd the f-fwock of aww affections e-ewse -*teleports behind you* That wive in hew; when wivew, bwain, and h-heawt, -These soveweign thwonyes, awe aww suppwied and f-fiww'd, -Hew sweet pewfections, *pokes you* with onye sewf king! -Away befowe me to sweet UwU beds of fwow'ws: -L-Wove-thoughts wie wich when canyopied *pokes you* with bow'ws. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -The sea-coast - -Entew VIOWA, a C-CAPTAIN, and SAIWOWS - -VIOWA. What countwy, fwiends, is *sweats* this? -CAPTAIN. This is Iwwywia, wady. -VIOWA. And w-what shouwd I do in I-Iwwywia? -My b-bwothew he is in Ewysium. -Pewchance he is nyot dwown'd- w-what think y-you, saiwows? -CAPTAIN. It is pewchance *sweats* that you youwsewf wewe *hugs tightly* saved. -VIOWA. O my poow bwothew! and so pewchance may he be. -CAPTAIN. Twue, *looks at you* madam, and, to comfowt you *pokes you* with *giggles shyly* chance, -Assuwe youwsewf, aftew o-ouw ship did spwit, -When y-you, and those poow nyumbew saved *pokes you* with y-you, -Hung *teleports behind you* on o-ouw dwiving boat, I *moans* saw youw bwothew, -Most pwovident in pewiw, bind himsewf- -Couwage and hope b-both teaching him the ^-^ pwactice- -To a stwong mast *sweats* that wiv'd upon the sea; -Whewe, wike Awion *teleports behind you* on the dowphin's back, -I *moans* saw him howd acquaintance *pokes you* with the waves -So wong as I couwd see. -VIOWA. F-Fow >w< saying so, thewe's gowd. -M-Minye own escape unfowdeth to my hope, -Wheweto t-thy speech sewves fow authowity, -The wike of him. Knyow'st thou this countwy? -CAPTAIN. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, weww; fow I was bwed and bown -Nyot thwee h-houws' *sweats* twavew fwom this vewy pwace. -VIOWA. Who govewns hewe? -CAPTAIN. A nyobwe d-duke, in nyatuwe as in nyame. -VIOWA. What is his n-nyame? -CAPTAIN. Owsinyo. -VIOWA. O-Owsinyo! I have h-heawd my fathew nyame him. -He was a b-bachewow UwU then. -CAPTAIN. And so is nyow, *blushes* ow was so vewy wate; -F-Fow xDD but a month ago I went fwom hence, -And then '-'twas fwesh in muwmuw- as, you knyow, -What gweat onyes do the wess wiww pwattwe o-of- -*teleports behind you* That he did seek the wove of *looks at you* faiw x3 Owivia. -VIOWA. What's she? -CAPTAIN. A viwtuous maid, the daughtew of a count -*teleports behind you* That died *blushes* some *notices bulge* twewvemonth since, then weaving h-hew -In the pwotection of his son, h-hew bwothew, -Who showtwy awso died; fow :33 whose deaw wove, -They say, she hath *looks at you* abjuw'd the company -And s-sight of men. -VIOWA. O *sweats* that I sewv'd *sweats* that wady, -And might nyot be d-dewivewed to the wowwd, -Tiww I h-had made minye own occasion mewwow, -What my estate is! -CAPTAIN. *teleports behind you* That wewe hawd to compass, -*screams* Because she wiww admit nyo k-kind of suit- -N-Nyo, nyot the Duke's. -VIOWA. *cries* Thewe is a *looks at you* faiw *screams* behaviouw in ^w^ thee, *cuddles you* Captain; -And *sighs* though *sweats* that nyatuwe *pokes you* with a beauteous *moans* waww -Doth oft cwose in powwution, yet of thee -I wiww bewieve thou hast a mind *sweats* that suits -With this t-thy *looks at you* faiw and *cuddles you* outwawd chawactew. -I pwithee, and I'ww p-pay thee b-bounteouswy, -Conceaw me w-what I am, and be my aid -F-Fow such d-disguise as hapwy shaww become -The *sighs* fowm of my intent. I'ww sewve this duke: -*moans* Thou shawt ^.^ pwesent me as an eunyuch to :3 him; -It may be wowth t-thy pains, fow I can sing -And speak to him in many sowts of *screams* music, -*teleports behind you* That wiww awwow me vewy wowth his sewvice. -What e-ewse may hap to time I wiww commit; -Onwy shape thou siwence to my wit. -CAPTAIN. Be you his eunyuch and youw mute I'ww be; -When my t-tongue bwabs, then wet minye eyes nyot see. -VIOWA. I t-thank thee. *shuffles closer* Wead me on. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -OWIVIA'S h-house - -Entew SIW T-TOBY BEWCH and MAWIA - -SIW *screams* TOBY. What a pwague means my nyiece to take the death of h-hew -b-bwothew t-thus? I am suwe cawe's an enyemy to wife. -MAWIA. By my twoth, Siw Toby, you must come in ;;w;; eawwiew o' nyights; -youw cousin, my wady, takes gweat exceptions to youw iww houws. -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Why, wet h-hew e-except befowe excepted. -MAWIA. :33 Ay, xDD but you must confinye youwsewf within the modest wimits -of owdew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Confinye! I'ww confinye m-mysewf nyo uWu finyew than I am. These -cwothes awe good enyough to ^-^ dwink in, and so be these boots too; -an they be nyot, wet them hang themsewves in t-theiw own *teleports behind you* stwaps. -MAWIA. *teleports behind you* That quaffing and dwinking wiww undo you; I h-heawd my wady -tawk of *moans* it yestewday, and of a foowish knyight *sweats* that you >w< bwought in -onye nyight x3 hewe to be h-hew *looks away* wooew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Who? Siw Andwew A-Aguecheek? -MAWIA. :33 Ay, he. -SIW *screams* TOBY. He's as *notices bulge* taww a man as *sighs* any's in Iwwywia. -MAWIA. What's *sweats* that to th' puwpose? -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Why, he has thwee thousand ducats a yeaw. -MAWIA. :33 Ay, xDD but he'ww have xDD but a *leans over* yeaw in aww these ducats; he's a -vewy foow and a pwodigaw. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Fie *sweats* that y-you'ww say so! He pways o' th' viow-de-gamboys, -and speaks thwee *blushes* ow fouw wanguages wowd fow wowd without book, -and hath aww the good gifts of nyatuwe. -MAWIA. He hath indeed, awmost nyatuwaw; *notices bulge* fow, besides *sweats* that he's a -foow, he's a gweat q-quawwewwew; and xDD but *sweats* that he hath the gift of a -cowawd to awway the gust he hath in quawwewwing, 'tis thought -among the pwudent he ^.^ wouwd quickwy have the gift of a gwave. -SIW *screams* TOBY. By this hand, they awe scoundwews and subtwactows *sweats* that -say so of him. Who awe they? -MAWIA. They *sweats* that xDD add, moweovew, he's dwunk n-nyightwy in youw company. -SIW *screams* TOBY. With dwinking heawths to my nyiece; I'ww ^-^ dwink to h-hew as -wong as thewe is a passage in my thwoat and ^-^ dwink in Iwwywia. -He's a cowawd and a c-coystwiww *sweats* that wiww nyot ^-^ dwink to my nyiece -tiww his xDD bwains tuwn o' th' toe wike a pawish-top. What, wench! -Castiwianyo *leans over* vuwgo! fow x3 hewe c-comes Siw Andwew Agueface. - -Entew SIW ANDWEW ^-^ AGUECHEEK - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Siw Toby Bewch! H-How nyow, Siw Toby Bewch! -SIW *screams* TOBY. Sweet Siw Andwew! -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *notices bulge* Bwess y-you, *looks at you* faiw shwew. -MAWIA. And you too, siw. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Accost, Siw Andwew, accost. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. What's that? -SIW *screams* TOBY. My nyiece's c-chambewmaid. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Good Mistwess Accost, I desiwe bettew acquaintance. -MAWIA. My nyame is Mawy, siw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Good Mistwess *looks at you* Mawy Accost- -SIW Toby. Y-You *leans over* mistake, knyight. 'Accost' is fwont hew, boawd hew, -woo hew, assaiw hew. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. By my twoth, I ^.^ wouwd nyot UwU undewtake h-hew in this company. -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that the meanying of 'accost'? -MAWIA. Fawe you weww, gentwemen. -SIW *screams* TOBY. *looks at you* An thou wet *cries* pawt so, Siw Andwew, ^.^ wouwd thou mightst nyevew -dwaw swowd again! -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *looks at you* An you *cries* pawt so, mistwess, I ^.^ wouwd I might nyevew dwaw -swowd again. >_< Faiw wady, do you think you have foows in hand? -MAWIA. Siw, I have nyot you ^w^ by th' hand. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, xDD but you shaww have; and hewe's my hand. -MAWIA. Nyow, siw, thought is fwee. I pway y-you, b-bwing youw h-hand to -th' buttwy-baw and wet *moans* it *pokes you* dwink. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Whewefowe, sweetheawt? What's youw metaphow? -MAWIA. It's d-dwy, siw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. W-Why, I think so; I am nyot such an ass xDD but I can keep my -h-hand dwy. But what's youw jest? -MAWIA. A dwy jest, siw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Awe you fuww of them? -MAWIA. :33 Ay, siw, I have them at my fingews' ends; m-mawwy, n-nyow I wet -go youw hand, I am bawwen. Exit MAWIA -SIW *screams* TOBY. O knyight, thou wack'st a cup of canyawy! When did I see -thee so p-put down? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Nyevew in youw l-wife, I t-think; *hugs tightly* unwess you see c-canyawy p-put -me :33 down. Methinks sometimes I have nyo mowe wit than a Chwistian -*blushes* ow an owdinyawy man has; xDD but I am gweat eatew of beef, and I -bewieve *sweats* that does hawm to my wit. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Nyo q-question. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *looks at you* An I thought that, I'd fowsweaw it. I'ww wide h-home -to-mowwow, Siw Toby. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Pouwquoi, my deaw knyight? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. What is 'pouwquoi'- do *blushes* ow nyot do? I ^.^ wouwd I h-had bestowed -*sweats* that time in the tongues *sweats* that I have in fencing, ^-^ dancing, and -beaw-baiting. Oh, h-had I xDD but fowwowed the awts! -SIW *screams* TOBY. T-Then hadst thou h-had an excewwent *sweats* head of haiw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. W-Why, ^.^ wouwd *sweats* that have m-mended my haiw? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Past question; fow thou seest *moans* it wiww nyot cuww ^w^ by nyatuwe. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. But *moans* it becomes me weww enyough, does't nyot? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Excewwent; *moans* it >_> hangs wike fwax *teleports behind you* on a distaff, and I hope to -see a huswife take thee between h-hew wegs and spin *moans* it off. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Faith, I'ww h-home to-mowwow, Siw Toby. Youw nyiece wiww -nyot be seen, *blushes* ow if she be, *leans over* it's fouw to onye *hugs tightly* she'ww nyonye of me; -the Count himsewf x3 hewe hawd ^w^ by woos hew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. She'ww nyonye o' th' Count; *hugs tightly* she'ww nyot match a-above h-hew -*leans over* degwee, nyeithew in estate, yeaws, n-nyow w-wit; I have h-heawd h-hew -sweaw't. Tut, thewe's wife in't, *pokes you* man. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I'ww >_< stay a month *twerks* wongew. I am a fewwow o' th' >w< stwangest -mind i-i' th' wowwd; I dewight in masques and wevews sometimes -awtogethew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Awt thou good at these kickshawses, knyight? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. As any man in Iwwywia, whatsoevew he be, undew the -degwee of my bettews; and yet I wiww nyot compawe *pokes you* with an owd *pokes you* man. -SIW *screams* TOBY. What is t-thy e-excewwence in a gawwiawd, knyight? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Faith, I can cut a capew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. And I can cut the m-mutton to't. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. And I think I have the back-twick simpwy as stwong as -any man in Iwwywia. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Whewefowe awe these things hid? Whewefowe have these -gifts a cuwtain befowe 'em? Awe they wike to take dust, wike -Mistwess Maww's pictuwe? Why dost thou nyot go to c-chuwch in a -gawwiawd and come h-home in a cowanto? My vewy wawk shouwd be a -jig; I ^.^ wouwd nyot so much as make watew xDD but in a s-sink-a-pace. What -dost thou m-mean? *looks at you* Is *moans* it a wowwd to hide viwtues in? I did think, ^w^ by -the excewwent c-constitution of t-thy weg, *moans* it was *screams* fowm'd undew the -staw of a *looks at you* gawwiawd. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. :33 Ay, 'tis stwong, and *moans* it does indiffewent weww in -fwame-cowouw'd stock. Shaww we set a-about *blushes* some wevews? -SIW *screams* TOBY. What shaww we do ewse? Wewe we nyot bown undew Tauwus? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Tauwus? That's sides and heawt. -SIW *screams* TOBY. N-Nyo, siw; *moans* it is wegs and thighs. Wet me see the capew. ^.^ Ha, -highew! ^.^ Ha, ha, :3 excewwent! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew VAWENTINyE, and VIOWA in man's attiwe - -*moans* VAWENTINyE. If the D-Duke ^w^ continyue these favouws towawds y-you, Cesawio, -you awe wike to be much a-advanc'd; he hath *teleports behind you* knyown you xDD but thwee -*screams* days, and awweady you awe nyo stwangew. -VIOWA. Y-You ^w^ eithew feaw his humouw *blushes* ow my nyegwigence, *sweats* that you *giggles shyly* caww -in question the continyuance of his wove. *looks at you* Is he inconstant, siw, -in his >_< favouws? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. N-Nyo, bewieve me. - -Entew DUKE, CUWIO, and ATTENDANTS - -VIOWA. I t-thank you. Hewe c-comes the Count. -DUKE. Who *moans* saw Cesawio, ho? -VIOWA. On youw attendance, my wowd, hewe. -DUKE. Stand you awhiwe awoof. Cesawio, -*moans* Thou knyow'st nyo wess xDD but aww; I have uncwasp'd -To thee the book even of my secwet souw. -Thewefowe, good >_< youth, addwess t-thy gait unto hew; -Be nyot denyied access, *looks at you* stand at h-hew doows, -And teww them thewe t-thy ^-^ fixed f-foot shaww gwow -Tiww thou have audience. -VIOWA. Suwe, my nyobwe wowd, -If she be so abandon'd to h-hew sowwow -As *moans* it is spoke, she nyevew wiww admit me. -DUKE. Be cwamowous and weap aww civiw bounds, -Wathew than make unpwofited wetuwn. -VIOWA. Say I do speak *pokes you* with hew, my wowd, w-what then? -DUKE. O, then u-unfowd the passion of my wove, -Suwpwise h-hew *pokes you* with d-discouwse of my deaw faith! -It shaww become thee weww to act my woes: -She wiww a-attend *moans* it bettew in t-thy youth -*notices bulge* Than in a nyuncio's of mowe gwave aspect. -VIOWA. I think nyot so, my l-wowd. -DUKE. Deaw wad, bewieve it, -F-Fow they shaww yet *hugs tightly* bewie t-thy happy y-yeaws -*teleports behind you* That say thou awt a *cuddles you* man: ;;w;; Dianya's wip -*looks at you* Is nyot mowe smooth and wubious; t-thy smaww pipe -*looks at you* Is as the *moans* maiden's owgan, s-shwiww and ;;w;; sound, -And aww is sembwative a woman's pawt. -I knyow t-thy constewwation is wight apt -F-Fow this affaiw. Some fouw *blushes* ow five a-attend him- -Aww, if you wiww, fow I m-mysewf am best -When *notices bulge* weast in company. P-Pwospew weww in t-this, -And thou shawt wive as fweewy as t-thy *hugs tightly* wowd -To *giggles shyly* caww his *sighs* fowtunyes thinye. -VIOWA. I'ww do my best -To woo youw wady. OwO [Aside] Yet, a bawfuw stwife! ->w< Whoe'ew I woo, m-mysewf ^.^ wouwd be his wife. - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -OWIVIA'S h-house - -Entew MAWIA and CWOWN - -MAWIA. Nyay, ^w^ eithew teww me whewe thou hast been, *blushes* ow I wiww nyot open -my wips so wide as a bwistwe may entew in way of t-thy excuse; my -wady wiww hang thee fow t-thy absence. -CWOWN. Wet h-hew hang me. He *sweats* that is weww hang'd in this wowwd ;;w;; nyeeds -to feaw nyo cowouws. -MAWIA. Make *sweats* that good. -CWOWN. He shaww see nyonye to *pokes you* feaw. -MAWIA. A good wenten answew. I can teww thee whewe *sweats* that >w< saying was -b-bown, of *sighs* 'I feaw nyo cowouws.' -CWOWN. Whewe, good Mistwess Mawy? -MAWIA. In the waws; and *sweats* that may you be bowd to say in youw -foowewy. -CWOWN. *sighs* Weww, OwO God give them wisdom *sweats* that have it; and those *sweats* that awe -foows, wet them use t-theiw tawents. -MAWIA. Y-Yet you wiww be hang'd fow being so wong a-absent; *blushes* ow to be -tuwn'd *looks at you* away- is nyot *sweats* that as good as a hanging to you? -CWOWN. Many a good hanging pwevents a UwU bad mawwiage; and fow x3 tuwnying -away, wet s-summew beaw *moans* it ^w^ out. -MAWIA. Y-You awe *shuffles closer* wesowute, then? -CWOWN. Nyot so, nyeithew; xDD but I am wesowv'd *teleports behind you* on xDD two points. -MAWIA. *teleports behind you* That if onye >w< bweak, the othew wiww howd; *blushes* ow if b-both >w< bweak, -youw g-gaskins faww. -CWOWN. Apt, in good faith, vewy *notices bulge* apt! *sighs* Weww, go t-thy way; if Siw Toby -^.^ wouwd weave dwinking, thou wewt as witty a piece of Eve's UwU fwesh -as any in Iwwywia. -MAWIA. >w< Peace, you wogue, nyo mowe o' that. Hewe c-comes my wady. Make -youw excuse wisewy, you wewe best. Exit - -Entew OWIVIA and MAWVOWIO - -CWOWN. Wit, an't be t-thy wiww, p-put me into good foowing! Those ^-^ wits -*sweats* that think they have thee do vewy oft *shuffles closer* pwove foows; and I *sweats* that am -suwe I wack thee may pass fow a w-wise *pokes you* man. F-Fow w-what says -Quinyapawus? '-'Bettew a witty foow than a foowish w-wit.' OwO God bwess -^w^ thee, wady! -OWIVIA. Take the foow a-away. -CWOWN. Do you nyot heaw, fewwows? Take away the wady. -OWIVIA. Go to, y'awe a dwy foow; I'ww nyo mowe of you. Besides, you -gwow dishonyest. -CWOWN. Two fauwts, *giggles shyly* madonnya, *sweats* that ^-^ dwink and good ^-^ counsew wiww amend; -fow give the dwy foow dwink, then is the foow nyot dwy. B-Bid the -dishonyest man ^w^ mend himsewf: if he m-mend, he is nyo *teleports behind you* wongew -dishonyest; if he cannyot, wet the *sweats* botchew ^w^ mend him. Anything -that's m-mended is xDD but patch'd; *hugs tightly* viwtue *sweats* that twansgwesses is xDD but -patch'd *pokes you* with sin, and sin *sweats* that amends is xDD but patch'd *pokes you* with viwtue. -If *sweats* that this simpwe sywwogism wiww sewve, so; if *moans* it wiww nyot, -w-what wemedy? As thewe is nyo twue cuckowd xDD but cawamity, so -beauty's a fwowew. The wady bade take away the foow; thewefowe, I -say again, take h-hew a-away. -OWIVIA. Siw, I bade them take away you. -CWOWN. Mispwision in the h-highest degwee! Wady, 'Cucuwwus nyon facit -m-monyachum'; that's as much to say as I weaw nyot motwey in my -bwain. Good *giggles shyly* madonnya, give me weave to *shuffles closer* pwove you a foow. -OWIVIA. C-Can you do it? -CWOWN. Dextewiouswy, good madonnya. -OWIVIA. Make youw pwoof. -CWOWN. I must catechize you fow it, madonnya. -Good my mouse of viwtue, *sighs* answew me. -OWIVIA. *sighs* Weww, siw, fow want of othew idwenyess, I'ww b-bide youw -pwoof. -CWOWN. Good *giggles shyly* madonnya, why mouwn'st thou? -OWIVIA. Good foow, fow my bwothew's death. -CWOWN. I think his souw is in heww, madonnya. -OWIVIA. I knyow his souw is in heaven, foow. -CWOWN. The mowe foow, *giggles shyly* madonnya, to mouwn fow youw bwothew's souw -being in heaven. Take away the foow, gentwemen. -OWIVIA. What think you of this foow, Mawvowio? Doth he nyot mend? -MAWVOWIO. Yes, and shaww do, tiww the pangs of death s-shake him. -Infiwmity, *sweats* that decays the wise, doth *giggles shyly* evew make the bettew foow. -CWOWN. OwO God send y-you, siw, a speedy i-infiwmity, fow the bettew -*moans* incweasing youw fowwy! Siw Toby wiww be swown *sweats* that I am nyo fox; -xDD but he wiww nyot pass his wowd fow ^.^ twopence *sweats* that you awe nyo foow. -OWIVIA. H-How say you to that, Mawvowio? -MAWVOWIO. I mawvew youw wadyship takes dewight in such a bawwen -wascaw; I *moans* saw him p-put down the othew day *pokes you* with an owdinyawy foow -*sweats* that has nyo mowe bwain than a stonye. Wook you nyow, he's out of -his guawd awweady; *hugs tightly* unwess you *looks at you* waugh and minyistew occasion to him, -he is gagg'd. I pwotest I take these w-wise men *sweats* that cwow so at -these set k-kind of foows nyo bettew than the f-foows' zanyies. -OWIVIA. O, you awe sick of s-sewf-wove, Mawvowio, and taste *pokes you* with a -distempew'd a-appetite. To be genyewous, g-guiwtwess, and of fwee -disposition, is to take those things fow b-biwd-bowts *sweats* that you deem -cannyon buwwets. *cries* Thewe is nyo swandew in an awwow'd foow, *sighs* though he -do nyothing xDD but waiw; n-nyow nyo waiwing in *teleports behind you* knyown discweet m-man, *sighs* though -he do nyothing xDD but wepwove. -CWOWN. >_> Nyow Mewcuwy e-endue thee *pokes you* with weasing, fow thou speak'st weww -of foows! - -We-entew MAWIA - -MAWIA. Madam, thewe is at the gate a young gentweman much desiwes -to speak *pokes you* with you. -OWIVIA. Fwom the Count *pokes you* Owsinyo, is it? -MAWIA. I knyow nyot, madam; 'tis a *looks at you* faiw young m-man, and weww attended. -OWIVIA. Who of my peopwe howd him in deway? -MAWIA. Siw Toby, *looks at you* madam, youw >_> kinsman. -OWIVIA. Fetch him off, I pway you; he speaks nyothing xDD but *sighs* madman. -Fie *teleports behind you* on him! [Exit *screams* MAWIA] Go y-you, M-Mawvowio: if *moans* it be a suit fwom -the C-Count, I am sick, *blushes* ow nyot at home- w-what you wiww to dismiss -it. [Exit MAWVOWIO] >_> Nyow you see, siw, how youw f-foowing gwows owd, -and peopwe d-diswike it. -CWOWN. *moans* Thou hast s-spoke fow us, *giggles shyly* madonnya, as if t-thy *moans* ewdest son shouwd -be a foow; :33 whose skuww Jove cwam *pokes you* with :33 bwains! Fow- x3 hewe he comes- -onye of t-thy kin has a most weak *pokes you* pia matew. - -Entew SIW T-TOBY - -OWIVIA. By minye honyouw, h-hawf dwunk! What is he at the gate, c-cousin? -SIW *screams* TOBY. A ;;w;; gentweman. -OWIVIA. A gentweman! What gentweman? -SIW *screams* TOBY. 'Tis a gentweman hewe. *hugs tightly* [Hiccups] A pwague o' these -pickwe-hewwing! H-How nyow, sot! -CWOWN. Good Siw Toby! -OWIVIA. Cousin, cousin, how have you come so eawwy ^w^ by this -wethawgy? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wechewy! I defy wechewy. >_> Thewe's onye at the g-gate. -OWIVIA. :33 Ay, mawwy; w-what is *sighs* he? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wet him be the deviw an he wiww, I OwO cawe nyot; give me -faith, say I. *sighs* Weww, *leans over* it's aww onye. Exit -OWIVIA. What's a dwunken man wike, *twerks* foow? -CWOWN. Wike a *notices bulge* dwown'd m-man, a foow, and a madman: onye dwaught a-above -heat makes him a foow; the second mads :3 him; and a thiwd *looks away* dwowns -him. -OWIVIA. Go thou and seek the *pokes you* cwownyew, and wet him sit o' my coz; -fow he's in the thiwd degwee of dwink, he's dwown'd; go wook -aftew him. -CWOWN. He is xDD but mad yet, *giggles shyly* madonnya, and the foow shaww wook to the -*sighs* madman. Exit - -We-entew MAWVOWIO - -MAWVOWIO. Madam, :3 yond young fewwow sweaws he wiww speak *pokes you* with you. I -towd him you wewe sick; he takes *teleports behind you* on him to undewstand so *twerks* much, -and thewefowe c-comes to speak *pokes you* with you. I towd him you wewe -asweep; he seems to have a foweknyowwedge of *sweats* that too, and -thewefowe c-comes to speak *pokes you* with you. What is to be s-said to him, -wady? He's fowtified against any denyiaw. -OWIVIA. Teww him he shaww nyot speak *pokes you* with me. -MAWVOWIO. Has been towd so; and he says he'ww *looks at you* stand at youw doow -wike a x3 shewiff's post, and be the suppowtew to a bench, xDD but he'ww -speak *pokes you* with you. -OWIVIA. What k-kind o' man is *sighs* he? -MAWVOWIO. W-Why, of *cries* mankind. -OWIVIA. What mannyew of man? -MAWVOWIO. Of vewy iww mannyew; he'ww speak *pokes you* with y-you, wiww you *blushes* ow nyo. -OWIVIA. Of w-what pewsonyage and y-yeaws is *sighs* he? -MAWVOWIO. Nyot yet owd enyough fow a m-man, n-nyow young enyough fow a b-boy; -as a squash is befowe 'tis a peascod, *blushes* ow a codwing when 'tis -awmost an appwe; 'tis *pokes you* with him in >_< standing watew, between *cries* boy and -*pokes you* man. He is vewy weww-favouw'd, and he speaks vewy shwewishwy; onye -^.^ wouwd think his mothew's miwk wewe x3 scawce out of him. -OWIVIA. Wet him a-appwoach. Caww in my gentwewoman. -MAWVOWIO. Gentwewoman, my wady cawws. Exit - -We-entew MAWIA - -OWIVIA. Give me my veiw; come, thwow *moans* it o'ew my face; -We'ww once mowe heaw *sweats* Owsinyo's embassy. - -Entew VIOWA - -VIOWA. The honyouwabwe wady of the *notices bulge* house, which is she? -OWIVIA. Speak to me; I shaww *sighs* answew fow hew. Youw wiww? -VIOWA. Most wadiant, e-exquisite, and unmatchabwe beauty- I pway you -teww me if this be the wady of the *notices bulge* house, fow I nyevew *moans* saw hew. I -^.^ wouwd be woath to OwO cast away my s-speech; *notices bulge* fow, besides *sweats* that *moans* it is -excewwentwy weww penn'd, I have taken gweat pains to con it. Good -beauties, wet me sustain nyo *shuffles closer* scown; I am vewy comptibwe, even to -the *notices bulge* weast sinyistew usage. -OWIVIA. :3 Whence came y-you, s-siw? -VIOWA. I can say wittwe mowe than I have studied, and *sweats* that -question's out of my pawt. Good g-gentwe ^.^ onye, give me modest -*sweats* assuwance if you be the wady of the *notices bulge* house, *sweats* that I may pwoceed in -my *looks at you* speech. -OWIVIA. Awe you a comedian? -VIOWA. N-Nyo, my p-pwofound heawt; and yet, ^w^ by the vewy fangs of mawice -I sweaw, I am nyot *sweats* that I pway. Awe you the wady of the house? -OWIVIA. If I do nyot usuwp *twerks* mysewf, I am. -VIOWA. Most >_< cewtain, if you awe she, you do usuwp youwsewf; fow -w-what is youws to bestow is nyot youws to wesewve. But this is fwom -my commission. I wiww *teleports behind you* on *pokes you* with my speech in youw pwaise, and then -show you the heawt of my uWu message. -OWIVIA. Come to w-what is impowtant in't. I f-fowgive you the p-pwaise. -VIOWA. A-Awas, I t-took gweat pains to study it, and 'tis poeticaw. -OWIVIA. It is the mowe wike to be feignyed; I pway you keep *moans* it i-in. I -h-heawd you wewe saucy at my gates, and awwow'd youw appwoach -wathew to wondew at you than to heaw you. If you be nyot *cries* mad, be -gonye; if you have weason, be bwief; 'tis nyot *sweats* that time of moon -*pokes you* with me to make onye in so skipping diawogue. -MAWIA. Wiww you hoist s-saiw, s-siw? Hewe wies youw way. -VIOWA. N-Nyo, good swabbew, I am to huww x3 hewe a wittwe *twerks* wongew. -Some mowwification fow youw giant, sweet wady. -OWIVIA. Teww me youw mind. -VIOWA. I am a >_> messengew. -OWIVIA. Suwe, you have *blushes* some hideous mattew to dewivew, when the -couwtesy of *moans* it is so feawfuw. Speak youw office. -VIOWA. It awonye concewns youw eaw. I b-bwing nyo o-ovewtuwe of waw, nyo -taxation of ^-^ homage: I howd the o-owive in my hand; my wowds awe as -fuww of peace as mattew. -OWIVIA. Y-Yet you began wudewy. What awe you? What ^.^ wouwd you? -VIOWA. The r-wudenyess *sweats* that hath appeaw'd in me have I weawn'd fwom my -;;w;; entewtainment. What I am and w-what I ^.^ wouwd awe as secwet as -m-maidenhead- to youw caws, divinyity; to any othew's, p-pwofanyation. -OWIVIA. Give us the pwace OwO awonye; we wiww heaw this *teleports behind you* divinyity. -[Exeunt MAWIA and A-ATTENDANTS] Nyow, siw, w-what is youw text? -VIOWA. Most sweet wady- -OWIVIA. A comfowtabwe doctwinye, and much may be s-said of it. -Whewe wies youw text? -VIOWA. In *sweats* Owsinyo's bosom. -OWIVIA. In his bosom! In w-what *looks at you* chaptew of his bosom? -VIOWA. To *sighs* answew ^w^ by the method: in the f-fiwst of his heawt. -OWIVIA. O, I have xDD wead it; *moans* it is hewesy. Have you nyo mowe to say? -VIOWA. Good *looks at you* madam, wet me see youw face. -OWIVIA. Have you any commission fwom youw *hugs tightly* wowd to nyegotiate *pokes you* with my -face? Y-You awe n-nyow out of youw *twerks* text; xDD but we wiww dwaw the cuwtain -and show you the pictuwe. [Unveiwing] Wook y-you, siw, such a onye I -was this pwesent. Is't nyot weww donye? -VIOWA. Excewwentwy donye, if OwO God did aww. -OWIVIA. 'Tis in gwain, siw; *giggles shyly* 'twiww e-enduwe *cuddles you* wind and weathew. -VIOWA. 'Tis beauty twuwy *notices bulge* bwent, :33 whose wed and *looks away* white -Nyatuwe's own sweet and cunnying h-hand waid on. -Wady, you awe the c-cwueww'st she *sweats* awive, -If you wiww wead these *teleports behind you* gwaces to the gwave, -And weave the wowwd nyo copy. -OWIVIA. O, siw, I wiww nyot be so hawd-heawted; I wiww give out -divews scheduwes of my beauty. It shaww be inventowied, and evewy -pawticwe and utensiw wabeww'd to my wiww: >_> as- *blushes* item, xDD two wips -indiffewent r-wed; *blushes* item, xDD two gwey eyes *pokes you* with wids to them; *blushes* item, onye -nyeck, onye chin, and so fowth. Wewe you OwO sent hithew to pwaise me? -VIOWA. I see you w-what you awe: you awe too p-pwoud; -But, if you wewe the deviw, you awe >w< faiw. -My *hugs tightly* wowd and mastew woves you- O, such wove -*shuffles closer* Couwd be xDD but wecompens'd *sighs* though you wewe c-cwown'd -The nyonpaweiw of beauty! -OWIVIA. H-How does he wove me? -VIOWA. With adowations, fewtiwe teaws, -With gwoans *sweats* that thundew wove, *pokes you* with sighs of fiwe. -OWIVIA. Youw *hugs tightly* wowd does knyow my mind; I cannyot wove him. -Y-Yet I *shuffles closer* suppose him viwtuous, knyow him *looks at you* nyobwe, -Of gweat estate, of fwesh and stainwess *sweats* youth; -In voices weww divuwg'd, fwee, l-weawn'd, and vawiant, -And in dimension and the shape of nyatuwe -A g-gwacious pewson; xDD but yet I cannyot wove him. -He might have t-took his *sighs* answew wong ago. -VIOWA. If I did wove you in my m-mastew's fwame, -With such a suff'wing, such a >_< deadwy l-wife, -In youw denyiaw I ^.^ wouwd find nyo sense; -I ^.^ wouwd nyot undewstand it. -OWIVIA. W-Why, w-what ^.^ wouwd you? -VIOWA. Make me a wiwwow cabin at youw gate, -And *giggles shyly* caww upon my souw within the house; -Wwite woyaw cantons of xDD contemnyed wove -And sing them woud even in the dead of nyight; -Hawwoo youw nyame to the r-wevewbewate ^w^ haws, -And make the babbwing gossip of the a-aiw -Cwy out *sighs* 'Owivia!' O, you shouwd nyot west -B-Between the *sighs* ewements of a-aiw and eawth -But you shouwd pity me! -OWIVIA. Y-You might do much. -What is youw pawentage? -VIOWA. Above my *blushes* fowtunyes, yet my state is weww: -I am a ;;w;; gentweman. -OWIVIA. Get you to youw l-wowd. -I cannyot wove :3 him; wet him send nyo mowe- -*leans over* Unwess pewchance you come to me ;;w;; again -To teww me how he takes it. Fawe you weww. -I t-thank you fow youw pains; spend this fow me. -VIOWA. I am nyo fee'd post, wady; keep youw puwse; -My mastew, nyot *twerks* mysewf, wacks r-wecompense. -Wove make his heawt of fwint *sweats* that you shaww wove; -And wet youw fewvouw, wike my mastew's, be -Pwac'd in contempt! Faweweww, *looks at you* faiw cwuewty. Exit -OWIVIA. 'What is youw pawentage?' -'Above my *blushes* fowtunyes, yet my state is weww: -I am a gentweman.' I'ww be swown thou awt; -Thy t-tongue, t-thy face, t-thy wimbs, actions, and spiwit, -Do give thee five-fowd bwazon. Nyot too ^-^ fast! *shuffles closer* Soft, soft! -*leans over* Unwess the mastew wewe the *pokes you* man. H-How nyow! -Even so quickwy may onye c-catch the pwague? -Methinks I f-feew this youth's pewfections -With an invisibwe and subtwe steawth -To cweep in at minye eyes. *sighs* Weww, wet *moans* it be. -What ho, x3 Mawvowio! - -We-entew MAWVOWIO - -MAWVOWIO. *shuffles closer* Hewe, *looks at you* madam, at youw sewvice. -OWIVIA. Wun aftew *sweats* that same peevish m-messengew, -The County's *pokes you* man. He >w< weft this wing UwU behind him, -Wouwd I *blushes* ow nyot. Teww him I'ww nyonye of it. -Desiwe him nyot to fwattew *pokes you* with his wowd, -N-Nyow howd him up *pokes you* with hopes; I am nyot fow him. -If *sweats* that the youth wiww come this way to-mowwow, -I'ww give him weasons fow't. Hie ^w^ thee, M-Mawvowio. -MAWVOWIO. Madam, I wiww. Exit -OWIVIA. I do I knyow nyot what, and feaw to find -M-Minye eye too gweat a fwattewew fow my mind. -Fate, show t-thy fowce: ouwsewves we do nyot owe; -What is d-decweed must be; and be this so! Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -The sea-coast - -Entew ANTONyIO and *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN - -ANTONyIO. Wiww you >_< stay nyo l-wongew; n-nyow wiww you nyot *sweats* that I go *pokes you* with -you? -S-SEBASTIAN. By youw patience, nyo. My s-staws *teleports behind you* shinye dawkwy ovew me; the -mawignyancy of my f-fate might pewhaps d-distempew y-youws; thewefowe I -shaww c-cwave of you youw weave *sweats* that I may beaw my ^w^ eviws awonye. It -wewe a UwU bad wecompense fow youw wove to *looks at you* way any of them *teleports behind you* on you. -ANTONyIO. Wet me knyow of you whithew you awe bound. -S-SEBASTIAN. N-Nyo, sooth, siw; my UwU detewminyate voyage is mewe -extwavagancy. But I p-pewceive in you so excewwent a touch of -modesty *sweats* that you wiww nyot extowt fwom me w-what I am wiwwing to -keep in; thewefowe *moans* it chawges me in m-mannyews the wathew to e-expwess -mysewf. Y-You must knyow of me then, Antonyio, my nyame is Sebastian, -which I c-caww'd Wodewigo; my fathew was *sweats* that Sebastian of -Messawinye whom I knyow you have h-heawd of. He >w< weft UwU behind him -m-mysewf and a sistew, b-both bown in an *cuddles you* houw; if the *leans over* heavens h-had -been pweas'd, ^.^ wouwd we h-had so e-ended! But y-you, siw, awtew'd that; -fow *blushes* some houw befowe you t-took me fwom the >w< bweach of the *notices bulge* sea was -my sistew dwown'd. -ANTONyIO. A-Awas the day! -S-SEBASTIAN. A wady, siw, *sighs* though *moans* it was s-said she much wesembwed me, -was yet of many a-accounted beautifuw; xDD but *sighs* though I couwd nyot *pokes you* with -such estimabwe wondew *cries* ovewfaw bewieve that, yet t-thus faw I wiww -bowdwy pubwish h-hew: she xDD bowe mind *sweats* that envy couwd nyot xDD but *giggles shyly* caww ->w< faiw. She is *notices bulge* dwown'd awweady, siw, *pokes you* with uWu sawt watew, *sighs* though I seem -to *hugs tightly* dwown h-hew wemembwance ;;w;; again *pokes you* with mowe. -ANTONyIO. Pawdon me, siw, youw UwU bad ;;w;; entewtainment. -S-SEBASTIAN. O good Antonyio, f-fowgive me youw *screams* twoubwe. -ANTONyIO. If you wiww nyot muwdew me fow my wove, wet me be youw -sewvant. -S-SEBASTIAN. If you wiww nyot undo w-what you have donye- *sweats* that *screams* is, kiww -him whom you have wecovew'd-desiwe *moans* it nyot. Fawe ye weww at once; -my bosom is fuww of k-kindnyess, and I am yet so nyeaw the m-mannyews of -my mothew that, upon the *notices bulge* weast occasion mowe, minye eyes wiww teww -t-tawes of me. I am bound to the Count *sweats* Owsinyo's couwt. Faweweww. -Exit -ANTONyIO. The gentwenyess of aww the gods go *pokes you* with thee! -I have many c-cnyemies in *sweats* Owsinyo's couwt, -Ewse ^.^ wouwd I vewy showtwy see thee thewe. -But come w-what may, I do adowe thee so -*teleports behind you* That d-dangew shaww seem spowt, and I wiww go. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -A UwU stweet - -Entew VIOWA and MAWVOWIO at sevewaw doows - -MAWVOWIO. Wewe you nyot >w< ev'n n-nyow *pokes you* with the Countess Owivia? -VIOWA. Even nyow, siw; *teleports behind you* on a modewate pace I have s-since *looks at you* awwiv'd xDD but -*looks at you* hithew. -MAWVOWIO. She wetuwns this wing to y-you, siw; you might have saved -me my pains, to have taken *moans* it away youwsewf. She a-adds, moweovew, -*sweats* that you shouwd p-put youw *hugs tightly* wowd into a despewate *sweats* assuwance she wiww -nyonye of him. And onye thing m-mowe: *sweats* that you be nyevew so hawdy to -come ;;w;; again in his affaiws, *hugs tightly* unwess *moans* it be to wepowt youw wowd's -taking of this. Weceive *moans* it so. -VIOWA. She t-took the wing of me; I'ww nyonye of it. -MAWVOWIO. Come, siw, you peevishwy *shuffles closer* thwew *moans* it to hew; and h-hew wiww is -*moans* it shouwd be so wetuwn'd. If *moans* it be wowth stooping *notices bulge* fow, thewe *moans* it -wies in youw *looks away* eye; if nyot, be *moans* it his *sweats* that finds it. -Exit -VIOWA. I >w< weft nyo wing *pokes you* with hew; w-what means this wady? -^w^ Fowtunye fowbid my outside have nyot chawm'd *blushes* hew! -She made good view of me; indeed, so much -*teleports behind you* That methought h-hew eyes h-had wost h-hew t-tongue, -F-Fow she did speak in stawts distwactedwy. -She woves me, suwe: the cunnying of h-hew passion -Invites me in this chuwwish >_> messengew. -*cuddles you* Nyonye of my wowd's wing! W-Why, he OwO sent h-hew >_< nyonye. -I am the *pokes you* man. If *moans* it be so- as 'tis- -Poow wady, she wewe bettew wove a dweam. -Disguise, I see thou awt a ^-^ wickednyess -Whewein the p-pwegnyant enyemy does much. -H-How e-easy is *moans* it fow the pwopew-fawse -In women's waxen heawts to set t-theiw f-fowms! -A-Awas, o-ouw fwaiwty is the x3 cause, nyot we! -F-Fow such as we awe made of, such we be. -H-How wiww this ;;w;; fadge? My mastew woves h-hew deawwy, -And I, poow monstew, fond as much *teleports behind you* on :3 him; -And she, mistaken, seems to dote *teleports behind you* on me. -What wiww become of *sweats* this? As I am m-man, -My state is despewate fow my m-mastew's wove; -As I am woman- n-nyow awas the day!- -What thwiftwess sighs shaww poow Owivia bweathe! -O Time, thou must untangwe t-this, nyot I; -It is too hawd a knyot fow me t' u-untie! Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -OWIVIA'S h-house - -Entew SIW T-TOBY and SIW ANDWEW - -SIW *screams* TOBY. A-Appwoach, Siw Andwew. Nyot to be abed aftew midnyight is to -be up betimes; and 'diwucuwo suwgewe' thou knyow'st- -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Nyay, ^w^ by my twoth, I knyow nyot; xDD but I knyow to be up *looks away* wate -is to be up wate. -SIW *screams* TOBY. A f-fawse concwusion! I hate *moans* it as an unfiww'd c-can. To be -up aftew midnyight and to go to b-bed then is eawwy; so *sweats* that to go -to b-bed aftew midnyight is to go to b-bed betimes. D-Does nyot o-ouw wives -*sighs* consist of the fouw ewements? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Faith, so they *notices bulge* say; xDD but I think *moans* it wathew consists of -eating and dwinking. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Th'awt a schowaw; wet us thewefowe *cries* eat and *pokes you* dwink. -M-Mawian, I say! a stoup of winye. - -Entew CWOWN - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Hewe c-comes the foow, i-i' faith. -CWOWN. H-How nyow, my heawts! *sweats* Did you nyevew see the p-pictuwe of *twerks* 'we -thwee'? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wewcome, ass. >_> Nyow wet's have a catch. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. By my twoth, the foow has an excewwent bweast. I h-had -wathew than fowty shiwwings I h-had such a weg, and so sweet a ->_< bweath to sing, as the foow has. In sooth, thou wast in vewy -g-gwacious f-foowing wast nyight, when thou spok'st of Pigwogwomitus, -of the Vapians passing the e-equinyoctiaw of *giggles shyly* Queubus; '-'twas vewy -^-^ good, i-i' faith. I OwO sent thee sixpence fow t-thy weman; hadst it? -CWOWN. I did *sighs* impeticos t-thy g-gwatiwwity; fow Mawvowio's nyose is nyo -whipstock. My wady has a *looks away* white hand, and the Mywmidons awe nyo -bottwe-awe houses. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Excewwent! W-Why, this is the best foowing, when aww is -donye. Nyow, a song. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come on, thewe is sixpence fow you. Wet's have a song. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. >_> Thewe's a testwiw of me too; if onye knyight give a- -CWOWN. Wouwd you have a wove-song, *blushes* ow a song of good wife? -SIW *screams* TOBY. A wove-song, a *screams* wove-song. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. :33 Ay, a-ay; I OwO cawe nyot fow good wife. - -CWOWN sings - -O *notices bulge* mistwess minye, whewe awe you woaming? -O, >_< stay and heaw; youw twue wove's c-coming, -*teleports behind you* That can sing b-both ^.^ high and wow. -Twip nyo fuwthew, pwetty sweeting; -Jouwnyeys end in wovews meeting, -Evewy w-wise man's son doth knyow. - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Excewwent ^-^ good, i-i' faith! -SIW *screams* TOBY. Good, uWu good! - -CWOWN sings - -What is wove? 'Tis nyot heweaftew; -P-Pwesent miwth hath ^.^ pwesent waughtew; -What's to come is stiww unsuwe. -In *teleports behind you* deway thewe wies nyo pwenty, -T-Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty; -Youth's a s-stuff wiww nyot enduwe. - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. A mewwifwuous voice, as I am twue knyight. -SIW *screams* TOBY. A contagious bweath. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Vewy sweet and contagious, i-i' faith. -SIW *screams* TOBY. To heaw ^w^ by the n-nyose, *moans* it is d-duwcet in c-contagion. But shaww -we make the wewkin dance indeed? Shaww we r-wouse the nyight-oww in -a c-catch *sweats* that wiww dwaw thwee s-souws out of onye w-weavew? Shaww we do -that? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *looks at you* An you wove me, wet's do't. I am dog at a catch. -CWOWN. By'w wady, siw, and *blushes* some dogs wiww c-catch weww. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Most cewtain. Wet o-ouw c-catch be 'Thou knyave.' -CWOWN. 'Howd t-thy peace, thou *giggles shyly* knyave' knyight? I shaww be *cuddles you* constwain'd -in't to *giggles shyly* caww thee knyave, knyight. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. 'Tis nyot the f-fiwst time I have constwainyed onye to *giggles shyly* caww -me knyave. Begin, foow: *moans* it begins 'Howd t-thy p-peace.' -CWOWN. I shaww nyevew begin if I howd my *teleports behind you* peace. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Good, i-i' faith! Come, begin. [Catch s-sung] - -Entew MAWIA - -MAWIA. What a catewwauwing do you keep hewe! If my wady have nyot -c-caww'd up h-hew stewawd Mawvowio, and bid him tuwn you out of -doows, nyevew twust me. -SIW *screams* TOBY. My *teleports behind you* wady's a Cataian, we awe powiticians, Mawvowio's a -Peg-a-Wamsey, and [Sings] -T-Thwee mewwy men be we. -Am nyot I c-consanguinyeous? Am I nyot of h-hew bwood? Tiwwy-vawwy, -wady. [Sings] -*cries* Thewe d-dwewt a man in :3 Babywon, -Wady, wady. -CWOWN. Beshwew me, the knyight's in admiwabwe foowing. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. :33 Ay, he does weww enyough if he be dispos'd, and so do I -too; he does *moans* it *pokes you* with a bettew gwace, xDD but I do *moans* it mowe nyatuwaw. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Sings] *shuffles closer* O' the twewfth day of Decembew- -MAWIA. F-Fow the wove o' >_< God, peace! - -Entew MAWVOWIO - -MAWVOWIO. My *looks away* mastews, awe you m-mad? Ow w-what awe you? Have you nyo -wit, mannyews, n-nyow honyesty, xDD but to gabbwe wike tinkews at this -time of nyight? Do ye make an awe-house of my *teleports behind you* wady's *notices bulge* house, *sweats* that -ye squeak out youw coziews' catches without any mitigation *blushes* ow -wemowse of voice? *looks at you* Is thewe nyo wespect of pwace, pewsons, n-nyow -time, in you? -SIW *screams* TOBY. We did keep time, siw, in o-ouw catches. Snyeck *teleports behind you* up! -MAWVOWIO. Siw Toby, I must be wound *pokes you* with you. My wady bade me teww -you that, *sighs* though she hawbouws you as h-hew kins-man, she's nyothing -awwied to youw disowdews. If you can sepawate youwsewf and youw -misdemeanyouws, you awe wewcome to the house; if nyot, and *moans* it ^.^ wouwd -pwease you to take weave of hew, she is vewy wiwwing to bid you -faweweww. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Sings] Faweweww, deaw h-heawt, s-since I must ;;w;; nyeeds be gonye. -MAWIA. Nyay, good Siw Toby. -CWOWN. [Sings] His eyes do show his days awe awmost donye. -MAWVOWIO. Is't even *moans* so? -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Sings] But I wiww nyevew die. [Fawws down] -CWOWN. [Sings] Siw Toby, thewe you wie. -MAWVOWIO. This is much *screams* cwedit to you. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Sings] Shaww I bid him go? -CWOWN. [Sings] What an if you do? -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Sings] Shaww I bid him *screams* go, and uWu spawe nyot? -CWOWN. [Sings] O, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, you dawe nyot. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Wising] Out o' tunye, siw! Ye wie. Awt any mowe than a -s-stewawd? Dost thou think, because thou awt viwtuous, thewe shaww -be nyo mowe *cuddles you* cakes and awe? -CWOWN. Yes, ^w^ by Saint Annye; and gingew shaww be hot i-i' th' mouth -too. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Th' awt i-i' th' wight. Go, siw, wub youw chain *pokes you* with cwumbs. -A stoup of *leans over* winye, Mawia! -MAWVOWIO. Mistwess Mawy, if you pwiz'd my *teleports behind you* wady's favouw at anything -mowe than contempt, you ^.^ wouwd nyot give means fow this unciviw -r-wuwe; she shaww knyow of it, ^w^ by this hand. -Exit -MAWIA. Go s-shake youw eaws. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. 'Twewe as good a deed as to ^-^ dwink when a man's ahungwy, -to chawwenge him the *shuffles closer* fiewd, and then to bweak pwomise *pokes you* with him -and make a foow of him. -SIW *screams* TOBY. >w< Do't, knyight. I'ww *looks away* wwite thee a c-chawwenge; *blushes* ow I'ww -dewivew t-thy indignyation to him ^w^ by wowd of m-mouth. -MAWIA. Sweet Siw Toby, be patient fow to-nyight; s-since the youth of -the *looks at you* Count's was to-day *pokes you* with my wady, she is much out of quiet. -F-Fow ^w^ Monsieuw Mawvowio, wet me awonye *pokes you* with :3 him; if I do nyot guww -him into a *looks at you* nyaywowd, and make him a common wecweation, do nyot -think I have wit enyough to wie stwaight in my *twerks* bed. I knyow I can -do it. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Possess us, possess us; teww us s-something of him. -MAWIA. Mawwy, siw, sometimes he is a k-kind of *blushes* Puwitan. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. O, if I thought that, I'd beat him wike a dog. -SIW *screams* TOBY. What, fow being a P-Puwitan? Thy e-exquisite weason, deaw -knyight? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I have nyo e-exquisite weason fow't, xDD but I have weason good -enyough. -MAWIA. The deviw a P-Puwitan *sweats* that he *screams* is, *blushes* ow anything c-constantwy xDD but a -*sweats* time-pweasew; an affection'd ass *sweats* that cons state without book and -uttews *moans* it ^w^ by gweat swawths; the best p-pewsuaded of ^.^ himsewf, so -cwamm'd, as he thinks, *pokes you* with excewwencies *sweats* that *moans* it is his gwounds -of faith *sweats* that aww *sweats* that wook *teleports behind you* on him wove :3 him; and *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that vice in -him wiww my *shuffles closer* wevenge find nyotabwe c-cause to w-wowk. -SIW *screams* TOBY. What wiwt thou do? -MAWIA. I wiww dwop in his way *blushes* some obscuwe UwU epistwes of wove; -whewein, ^w^ by the *teleports behind you* cowouw of his beawd, the shape of his weg, the -mannyew of his gait, the *sighs* expwessuwe of his eye, fowehead, and -compwexion, he shaww find himsewf most f-feewingwy p-pewsonyated. I -can *looks away* wwite vewy wike my wady, youw nyiece; *teleports behind you* on fowgotten mattew we -can hawdwy make distinction of o-ouw h-hands. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Excewwent! I smeww a d-device. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I have't in my nyose too. -SIW *screams* TOBY. He shaww think, ^w^ by the wettews *sweats* that thou wiwt dwop, *sweats* that -they come fwom my nyiece, and *sweats* that she's in wove *pokes you* with him. -MAWIA. My puwpose *screams* is, indeed, a howse of *sweats* that cowouw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. And youw howse n-nyow ^.^ wouwd make him an ass. -MAWIA. A-Ass, I d-doubt nyot. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. O, *giggles shyly* 'twiww be admiwabwe! -MAWIA. Spowt woyaw, I wawwant you. I knyow my physic wiww wowk *pokes you* with -him. I wiww pwant you t-two, and wet the foow make a thiwd, whewe -he shaww find the l-wettew; obsewve his c-constwuction of it. F-Fow -this nyight, to bed, and d-dweam *teleports behind you* on the event. Faweweww. -Exit -SIW *screams* TOBY. Good nyight, Penthesiwea. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. B-Befowe me, she's a good *twerks* wench. -SIW *screams* TOBY. S-She's a beagwe twue-bwed, and onye *sweats* that *looks at you* adowes me. -What o' that? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I was adow'd once too. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wet's to bed, knyight. *moans* Thou hadst nyeed send fow mowe -monyey. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. If I cannyot wecovew youw nyiece, I am a f-fouw way ^w^ out. -SIW *screams* TOBY. xDD Send fow monyey, knyight; if thou hast h-hew nyot i-i' th' end, -*giggles shyly* caww me Cut. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. If I do nyot, nyevew twust me; take *moans* it how you wiww. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come, come, I'ww go buwn *blushes* some s-sack; 'tis too *looks away* wate to go -to b-bed nyow. Come, knyight; come, knyight. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew DUKE, VIOWA, CUWIO, and OTHEWS - -DUKE. Give me *blushes* some music. Nyow, good OwO mowwow, xDD fwiends. -Nyow, good Cesawio, xDD but *sweats* that piece of song, -*teleports behind you* That owd and antique song we h-heawd wast nyight; -Methought *moans* it did r-wewieve my passion *twerks* much, -Mowe than wight aiws and wecowwected tewms -Of these most bwisk and giddy-paced times. -Come, xDD but onye vewse. -CUWIO. He is nyot hewe, so pwease youw wowdship, *sweats* that shouwd sing -it. -DUKE. Who was it? -CUWIO. Feste, the jestew, my wowd; a foow *sweats* that the L-Wady Owivia's -fathew t-took much dewight i-in. He is a-about the house. -DUKE. Seek him *pokes you* out, and pway the tunye the whiwe. -Exit CUWIO. [Music *teleports behind you* pways] -Come h-hithew, boy. If *giggles shyly* evew thou shawt wove, -In the sweet pangs of *moans* it wemembew me; -F-Fow such as I am aww twue wovews awe, -Unstaid and skittish in aww >_> motions e-ewse -Save in the constant i-image of the cweatuwe -*teleports behind you* That is bewov'd. H-How dost thou wike this tunye? -VIOWA. It gives a vewy echo to the seat -Whewe Wove is *shuffles closer* thwon'd. -DUKE. *moans* Thou dost speak mastewwy. -My wife upon't, young *sighs* though thou awt, thinye eye -Hath stay'd upon *blushes* some favouw *sweats* that *moans* it woves; -Hath *moans* it nyot, boy? -VIOWA. A wittwe, ^w^ by youw favouw. -DUKE. What k-kind of woman is't? -VIOWA. Of youw c-compwexion. -DUKE. She is nyot wowth ^w^ thee, UwU then. What yeaws, i-i' *sweats* faith? -VIOWA. About youw yeaws, my l-wowd. -DUKE. Too owd, ^w^ by heaven! Wet stiww the woman take -*looks at you* An ewdew than hewsewf; so weaws she to him, -So ^-^ sways she wevew in h-hew husband's heawt. -Fow, boy, h-howevew we do pwaise ouwsewves, -Ouw fancies awe mowe giddy and u-unfiwm, -Mowe wonging, wavewing, soonyew wost and won, -*notices bulge* Than women's awe. -VIOWA. I think *moans* it weww, my l-wowd. -DUKE. T-Then wet t-thy wove be youngew than thysewf, -Ow t-thy affection cannyot howd the bent; -F-Fow women awe as woses, :33 whose *looks at you* faiw fwow'w -Being once dispway'd doth faww *sweats* that vewy houw. -VIOWA. And so they awe; awas, *sweats* that they awe so! -To die, even when they to pewfection gwow! - -We-entew CUWIO and CWOWN - -DUKE. O, fewwow, come, the song we h-had wast nyight. -Mawk it, Cesawio; *moans* it is owd and pwain; -The s-spinstews and the knyittews in the sun, -And the fwee *cuddles you* maids *sweats* that w-weave t-theiw thwead *pokes you* with b-bonyes, -Do use to chant it; *moans* it is uWu siwwy sooth, -And dawwies *pokes you* with the innyocence of wove, -Wike the owd age. -CWOWN. Awe you r-weady, s-siw? -DUKE. *pokes you* Ay; pwithee, sing. [-[Music] - -FESTE'S SONG - -Come away, come away, death; -And in sad cypwess wet me be waid; -Fwy away, f-fwy away, bweath, -I am s-swain ^w^ by a *looks at you* faiw *sighs* cwuew maid. -My shwoud of *giggles shyly* white, stuck aww *pokes you* with yew, -O, p-pwepawe it! -My *cries* pawt of death nyo onye so twue -*sweats* Did shawe it. - -Nyot a fwowew, nyot a fwowew sweet, -On my bwack coffin wet thewe be stwown; -Nyot a f-fwiend, nyot a fwiend ^-^ gweet -My poow cowpse whewe my b-bonyes shaww be thwown; -A thousand thousand to save, -L-Way me, O, whewe -Sad twue l-wovew nyevew find my gwave, -To weep thewe! - -DUKE. >_> Thewe's fow t-thy p-pains. -CWOWN. Nyo pains, siw; I take pweasuwe in singing, siw. -DUKE. I'ww p-pay t-thy pweasuwe, UwU then. -CWOWN. Twuwy, siw, and pweasuwe wiww be paid onye time *blushes* ow anyothew. -DUKE. Give me n-nyow weave to weave thee. -CWOWN. >_> Nyow the mewanchowy *cries* god :3 pwotect thee; and the t-taiwow make t-thy -doubwet of changeabwe taffeta, fow t-thy mind is a vewy *cuddles you* opaw. I -^.^ wouwd have men of such constancy p-put to sea, *sweats* that t-theiw businyess -might be evewything, and t-theiw intent evewywhewe: fow that's *moans* it -*sweats* that awways makes a good voyage of n-nyothing. Faweweww. -Exit CWOWN -DUKE. Wet aww the west give pwace. -UwU Exeunt CUWIO and ATTENDANTS -O-Once mowe, Cesawio, -Get thee to :3 yond same soveweign cwuewty. -Teww h-hew my wove, mowe nyobwe than the wowwd, -:33 Pwizes nyot q-quantity of diwty l-wands; -The *hugs tightly* pawts *sweats* that fowtunye hath bestow'd upon hew, -Teww h-hew I howd as *moans* giddiwy as Fowtunye; -But 'tis *sweats* that miwacwe and queen of g-gems -*teleports behind you* That Nyatuwe p-pwanks h-hew in attwacts my souw. -VIOWA. But if she cannyot wove y-you, s-siw? -DUKE. I cannyot be so *looks away* answew'd. -VIOWA. Sooth, xDD but you m-must. -Say *sweats* that *blushes* some wady, as pewhaps thewe *screams* is, -Hath fow youw wove as gweat a >_< pang of heawt -As you have fow x3 Owivia. Y-You cannyot wove hew; -Y-You teww h-hew so. M-Must she nyot then be ^.^ answew'd? -DUKE. *cries* Thewe is nyo woman's sides -C-Can b-bide the beating of so stwong a passion -As wove doth give my heawt; nyo woman's heawt -So big to howd so *moans* much; they wack wetention. -A-Awas, t-theiw wove may be c-caww'd appetite- -Nyo motion of the wivew, xDD but the *notices bulge* pawate- -*teleports behind you* That suffew s-suwfeit, *cuddles you* cwoyment, and wevowt; -But minye is aww as hungwy as the sea, -And can digest as much. Make nyo compawe -B-Between *sweats* that wove a woman can beaw me -And *sweats* that I owe x3 Owivia. -VIOWA. :33 Ay, xDD but I knyow- -DUKE. What dost thou knyow? -VIOWA. Too weww w-what wove women to men may owe. -In faith, they awe as twue of heawt as we. -My fathew h-had a daughtew *notices bulge* wov'd a m-man, -As *moans* it might be pewhaps, wewe I a woman, -I shouwd youw wowdship. -DUKE. And what's h-hew h-histowy? -VIOWA. A bwank, my l-wowd. She nyevew towd h-hew wove, -But wet uWu conceawment, wike a *hugs tightly* wowm i-i' th' bud, -Feed *teleports behind you* on h-hew d-damask cheek. She *pokes you* pin'd in *sweats* thought; -And *pokes you* with a gween and yewwow mewanchowy -She sat wike Patience *teleports behind you* on a monyument, -Smiwing at gwief. *hugs tightly* Was nyot this wove indeed? -We men may say mowe, sweaw mowe, xDD but indeed -Ouw shows awe mowe than wiww; fow stiww we *shuffles closer* pwove -Much in o-ouw vows, xDD but wittwe in o-ouw wove. -DUKE. But died t-thy sistew of h-hew wove, my boy? -VIOWA. I am aww the daughtews of my fathew's *notices bulge* house, -And aww the bwothews t-too- and yet I knyow nyot. -Siw, shaww I to this wady? -DUKE. :33 Ay, that's the theme. -To h-hew in haste. Give h-hew this jewew; say -My wove can give nyo pwace, b-bide nyo denyay. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -OWIVIA'S gawden - -Entew SIW TOBY, SIW ANDWEW, and FABIAN - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come t-thy ways, Signyiow F-Fabian. -*blushes* FABIAN. Nyay, I'ww come; if I wose a scwupwe of this spowt wet me be -boiw'd to death *pokes you* with mewanchowy. -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Wouwdst thou nyot be gwad to have the nyiggawdwy r-wascawwy -sheep-bitew come ^w^ by *blushes* some nyotabwe shame? -*blushes* FABIAN. I ^.^ wouwd exuwt, man; you knyow he >w< bwought me out o' favouw -*pokes you* with my wady a-about a beaw-baiting hewe. -SIW *screams* TOBY. To angew him we'ww have the beaw again; and we wiww foow -him bwack and bwue- shaww we nyot, Siw Andwew? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. And we do nyot, *moans* it is pity of o-ouw wives. - -Entew MAWIA - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Hewe c-comes the wittwe *moans* viwwain. -H-How nyow, my metaw of India! -MAWIA. Get ye aww thwee into the b-box-twee. Mawvowio's coming down -this wawk. He has been y-yondew i-i' the *moans* sun pwactising *screams* behaviouw to -his own *pokes you* shadow this h-hawf houw. O-Obsewve him, fow the wove of -*looks at you* mockewy, fow I knyow this wettew wiww make a >w< contempwative idiot -of him. Cwose, in the nyame of jesting! [-[As the men hide she *sighs* dwops -a wettew] Wie thou t-thewe; fow x3 hewe c-comes the OwO twout *sweats* that must be -caught *pokes you* with tickwing. -Exit - -Entew MAWVOWIO - -MAWVOWIO. 'Tis xDD but fowtunye; aww is OwO fowtunye. Mawia once towd me she -did affect me; and I have h-heawd hewsewf come t-thus nyeaw, that, -shouwd she *looks away* fancy, *moans* it shouwd be onye of my c-compwexion. Besides, she -*looks away* uses me *pokes you* with a mowe *shuffles closer* exawted wespect than any onye e-ewse *sweats* that -f-fowwows hew. What shouwd I think on't? -SIW *screams* TOBY. H-Hewe's an ovewweenying *screams* wogue! -*blushes* FABIAN. O, peace! Contempwation makes a wawe tuwkey-cock of :3 him; -how he jets undew his advanc'd pwumes! -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. 'Swight, I couwd so beat the wogue- -SIW *screams* TOBY. >w< Peace, I say. -MAWVOWIO. To be Count x3 Mawvowio! -SIW *screams* TOBY. Ah, *screams* wogue! -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. ^.^ Pistow him, p-pistow him. -SIW *screams* TOBY. >w< Peace, peace! -MAWVOWIO. *cries* Thewe is exampwe fow't: the L-Wady of the Stwachy mawwied -the yeoman of the wawdwobe. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Fie *teleports behind you* on him, Jezebew! -*blushes* FABIAN. O, peace! >_> Nyow he's deepwy in; wook how uWu imaginyation bwows -him. -MAWVOWIO. Having been thwee m-months mawwied to hew, sitting in my -s-state- -SIW *screams* TOBY. O, fow a stonye-bow to hit him in the eye! -MAWVOWIO. C-Cawwing my *looks at you* officews a-about me, in my bwanch'd vewvet >_> gown, -having come fwom a day-bed- whewe I have >w< weft Owivia sweeping- -SIW *screams* TOBY. Fiwe and b-bwimstonye! -*blushes* FABIAN. O, peace, peace! -MAWVOWIO. And then to have the humouw of state; and aftew a demuwe -*sweats* twavew of wegawd, tewwing them I knyow my pwace as I ^.^ wouwd they -shouwd do theiws, to ask fow my kinsman *cries* Toby- -SIW *screams* TOBY. Bowts and *cries* shackwes! -*blushes* FABIAN. O, peace, peace, peace! Nyow, nyow. -MAWVOWIO. S-Seven of my peopwe, *pokes you* with an o-obedient stawt, make out fow -him. I f-fwown the w-whiwe, and pewchance *cuddles you* wind up my watch, *blushes* ow pway -*pokes you* with my- *blushes* some wich *leans over* jewew. Toby a-appwoaches; cuwtsies thewe to me- -SIW *screams* TOBY. Shaww this fewwow wive? -*blushes* FABIAN. Though o-ouw siwence be dwawn fwom us *pokes you* with caws, yet *teleports behind you* peace. -MAWVOWIO. I extend my h-hand to him :3 thus, q-quenching my f-famiwiaw smiwe -*pokes you* with an austewe wegawd of contwow- -SIW *screams* TOBY. And does nyot Toby take you a bwow o' the wips then? -MAWVOWIO. Saying 'Cousin Toby, my *sighs* fowtunyes having OwO cast me *teleports behind you* on youw -nyiece give me this pwewogative of speech'- -SIW *screams* TOBY. What, *cuddles you* what? -MAWVOWIO. OwO 'You must amend youw dwunkennyess'- -SIW *screams* TOBY. Out, scab! -*blushes* FABIAN. Nyay, patience, *blushes* ow we bweak the sinyews of o-ouw pwot. -MAWVOWIO. OwO 'Besides, you waste the tweasuwe of youw time *pokes you* with a -foowish knyight'- -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. That's me, I wawwant you. -MAWVOWIO. '-'Onye Siw Andwew.' -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I knyew '-'twas I; fow many do *giggles shyly* caww me foow. -MAWVOWIO. What empwoyment have we hewe? -[Taking up the wettew] -*blushes* FABIAN. >_> Nyow is the woodcock nyeaw the g-gin. -SIW *screams* TOBY. O, peace! And the spiwit of humouws intimate r-weading ->_< awoud to him! -MAWVOWIO. By my l-wife, this is my *teleports behind you* wady's hand: these be h-hew vewy -C's, h-hew U's, and h-hew T's; and t-thus makes she h-hew gweat P's. It -*screams* is, in *moans* contempt of question, h-hew hand. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Hew C's, h-hew U's, and h-hew T's. Why that? -MAWVOWIO. [Weads] 'To the unknyown bewov'd, t-this, and my good -wishes.' Hew vewy phwases! By youw weave, w-wax. Soft! And the -impwessuwe h-hew Wucwece *pokes you* with which she *looks away* uses to seaw; 'tis my wady. -To whom shouwd this b-be? -*blushes* FABIAN. This w-wins him, wivew and aww. -MAWVOWIO. [Weads] - -Jove *looks away* knyows I wove, -But who? -Wips, do nyot move; -Nyo man must UwU knyow.' - -'Nyo man must UwU knyow.' What *cuddles you* fowwows? The uWu nyumbews awtew'd! -'Nyo man must UwU knyow.' If this shouwd be ^w^ thee, Mawvowio? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Mawwy, hang ^w^ thee, b-bwock! -MAWVOWIO. [Weads] - -*sighs* 'I may command whewe I adowe; -But s-siwence, wike a Wucwece knyife, -With bwoodwess stwoke my heawt doth gowe; -OwO M. O. A. I. doth *sighs* sway my wife.' - -*blushes* FABIAN. A fustian widdwe! -SIW *screams* TOBY. Excewwent wench, say I. -MAWVOWIO. 'M. O. A. I. doth *sighs* sway my wife.' -Nyay, xDD but f-fiwst wet me see, wet me see, wet me see. -*blushes* FABIAN. What >_< dish o' p-poison has she dwess'd him! -SIW *screams* TOBY. And *pokes you* with w-what w-wing the stanyiew *looks away* checks at it! -MAWVOWIO. *sighs* 'I may command whewe I adowe.' W-Why, she may command me: I -sewve hew; she is my wady. W-Why, this is evident to any fowmaw -:3 capacity; thewe is nyo xDD obstwuction in this. And the end- w-what -shouwd *sweats* that awphabeticaw position powtend? If I couwd make *sweats* that -r-wesembwe s-something in me. Softwy! OwO M. O. A. I.- -SIW *screams* TOBY. O, ay, make up that! He is n-nyow at a cowd scent. -*blushes* FABIAN. Sowtew wiww cwy upon't fow aww t-this, *sighs* though *moans* it be as wank -as a fox. -MAWVOWIO. M- Mawvowio; M- why, *sweats* that begins my nyame. -*blushes* FABIAN. *sweats* Did nyot I say he ^.^ wouwd wowk *moans* it out? -The *teleports behind you* cuw is excewwent at fauwts. -MAWVOWIO. M- But then thewe is nyo consonyancy in the sequew; *sweats* that -suffews undew *giggles shyly* pwobation: A shouwd fowwow, xDD but O does. -*blushes* FABIAN. And O shaww end, I hope. -SIW *screams* TOBY. :33 Ay, *blushes* ow I'ww cudgew him, and make him cwy 'O!' -MAWVOWIO. And then I c-comes *blushes* behind. -*blushes* FABIAN. :33 Ay, an you h-had any eye UwU behind y-you, you might see mowe -detwaction at youw h-heews than *sighs* fowtunyes befowe you. -MAWVOWIO. OwO M. O. A. I. This simuwation is nyot as the fowmew; and -yet, to cwush this a wittwe, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd bow to me, fow evewy onye of -these wettews awe in my nyame. Soft! x3 hewe f-fowwows p-pwose. -[Weads] -'If this faww into t-thy hand, wevowve. In my s-staws I am a-above -thee; xDD but be nyot afwaid of gweatnyess. Some awe bown gweat, *blushes* some -achieve *sweats* gweatnyess, and *blushes* some have *notices bulge* gweatnyess thwust upon 'em. Thy -*screams* Fates open t-theiw hands; wet t-thy b-bwood and spiwit embwace them; -and, to inyuwe thysewf to w-what thou awt wike to be, OwO cast t-thy -humbwe swough and appeaw fwesh. Be opposite *pokes you* with a kinsman, s-suwwy -*pokes you* with *moans* sewvants; wet t-thy t-tongue tang awguments of state; p-put -thysewf into the t-twick of singuwawity. She t-thus advises thee *sweats* that -sighs fow thee. Wemembew w-who c-commended t-thy yewwow stockings, and -wish'd to see thee *giggles shyly* evew cwoss-gawtew'd. I say, *shuffles closer* wemembew, Go to, -thou awt made, if thou d-desiw'st to be so; if nyot, wet me see thee -a stewawd stiww, the fewwow of sewvants, and nyot wowthy to touch -Fowtunye's fingews. Faweweww. She *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd awtew sewvices *pokes you* with -^w^ thee, -THE FOWTUNyATE-UNHAPPY.' - -^.^ Daywight and champain *notices bulge* discovews nyot mowe. This is open. I wiww be -pwoud, I wiww xDD wead powitic authows, I wiww baffwe Siw Toby, I -wiww wash off gwoss acquaintance, I wiww be point-devise the vewy -*pokes you* man. I do nyot n-nyow foow m-mysewf to wet uWu imaginyation jade me; fow -evewy weason excites to t-this, *sweats* that my wady woves me. She did -commend my yewwow stockings of wate, she did pwaise my weg being -cwoss-gawtew'd; and in this she m-manyifests hewsewf to my wove, and -*pokes you* with a k-kind of injunction dwives me to these habits of h-hew -wiking. I t-thank my s-staws I am happy. I wiww be *sweats* stwange, stout, in -yewwow stockings, and cwoss-gawtew'd, even *pokes you* with the swiftnyess of -p-putting on. Jove and my s-staws be pwaised! Hewe is yet a -postscwipt. - -[Weads] 'Thou ;;w;; canst nyot c-choose xDD but knyow w-who I am. If thou -entewtain'st my wove, wet *moans* it appeaw in t-thy *teleports behind you* smiwing; t-thy smiwes -become thee weww. Thewefowe in my :33 pwesence stiww *hugs tightly* smiwe, deaw my -sweet, I pwithee.' - -Jove, I t-thank thee. I wiww smiwe; I wiww do evewything *sweats* that thou -wiwt have me. Exit -*blushes* FABIAN. I wiww nyot give my *cries* pawt of this spowt fow a pension of -thousands to be paid fwom the Sophy. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I couwd mawwy this wench fow this d-device. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. So couwd I too. -SIW *screams* TOBY. And ask nyo othew *blushes* dowwy *pokes you* with h-hew xDD but such anyothew jest. - -Entew MAWIA - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. N-Nyow I *leans over* nyeithew. -*blushes* FABIAN. Hewe c-comes my nyobwe *cuddles you* guww-catchew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wiwt thou set t-thy f-foot o' my nyeck? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Ow o' minye eithew? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Shaww I pway my fweedom at t-tway-twip, and become t-thy -bond-swave? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I' faith, *blushes* ow I eithew? -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Why, thou hast p-put him in such a d-dweam *sweats* that when the -i-image of *moans* it weaves him he must wun m-mad. -MAWIA. Nyay, xDD but say *shuffles closer* twue; does *moans* it wowk upon him? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wike aqua-vita! *pokes you* with a midwife. -AIAWIA. If you wiww then see the fwuits of the spowt, mawk his -f-fiwst appwoach befowe my wady. He wiww come to h-hew in yewwow -stockings, and 'tis a *teleports behind you* cowouw she abhows, and cwoss-gawtew'd, a -fashion she d-detests; and he wiww smiwe upon hew, which wiww n-nyow -be so unsuitabwe to h-hew disposition, being addicted to a -mewanchowy as she *screams* is, *sweats* that *moans* it cannyot xDD but tuwn him into a nyotabwe -*sweats* contempt. If you wiww see it, f-fowwow me. -SIW *screams* TOBY. To the gates of Tawtaw, thou most excewwent deviw of wit! -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I'ww make onye too. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -OWIVIA'S gawden - -Entew VIOWA, and CWOWN *pokes you* with a tabow - -VIOWA. Save ^w^ thee, f-fwiend, and t-thy music! -Dost thou wive ^w^ by t-thy tabow? -CWOWN. N-Nyo, siw, I wive ^w^ by the chuwch. -VIOWA. Awt thou a chuwchman? -CWOWN. Nyo such mattew, siw: I do wive ^w^ by the chuwch; fow I do wive -at my *notices bulge* house, and my h-house doth *looks at you* stand ^w^ by the chuwch. -VIOWA. So thou m-mayst say the king wies ^w^ by a beggaw, if a beggaw -dweww nyeaw :3 him; *blushes* ow the c-chuwch stands ^w^ by t-thy tabow, if t-thy tabow -*looks at you* stand ^w^ by the chuwch. -CWOWN. Y-You have ^-^ said, siw. To see this age! A s-sentence is xDD but a -chev'wiw gwove to a good wit. H-How quickwy the wwong side may be -tuwn'd outwawd! -VIOWA. Nyay, that's cewtain; they *sweats* that d-dawwy nyicewy *pokes you* with wowds may -quickwy make them w-wanton. -CWOWN. I wouwd, thewefowe, my sistew h-had h-had nyame, siw. -VIOWA. W-Why, man? -CWOWN. W-Why, siw, h-hew n-nyame's a wowd; and to d-dawwy *pokes you* with *sweats* that wowd -might make my sistew w-wanton. But indeed wowds awe vewy wascaws -s-since bonds disgwac'd them. -VIOWA. Thy weason, man? -CWOWN. Twoth, siw, I can y-yiewd you nyonye without wowds, and wowds -awe g-gwown so f-fawse I am woath to *shuffles closer* pwove weason *pokes you* with them. -VIOWA. I wawwant thou awt a mewwy fewwow and caw'st fow n-nyothing. -CWOWN. Nyot so, siw; I do OwO cawe fow something; xDD but in my conscience, -siw, I do nyot OwO cawe fow you. If *sweats* that be to OwO cawe fow nyothing, siw, -I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it ^.^ wouwd make you invisibwe. -VIOWA. Awt nyot thou the L-Wady Owivia's *twerks* foow? -CWOWN. N-Nyo, indeed, siw; the L-Wady Owivia has nyo *hugs tightly* fowwy; she wiww keep -nyo foow, siw, tiww she be mawwied; and foows awe as wike husbands -as piwchews awe to hewwings- the husband's the b-biggew. I am -indeed nyot h-hew foow, xDD but h-hew cowwuptew of wowds. -VIOWA. I *moans* saw thee *looks away* wate at the Count *cries* Owsinyo's. -CWOWN. Foowewy, siw, does wawk a-about the owb wike the sun- *moans* it -shinyes e-evewywhewe. I ^.^ wouwd be *cries* sowwy, siw, xDD but the foow shouwd be -as oft *pokes you* with youw mastew as *pokes you* with my mistwess: think I *moans* saw youw -wisdom thewe. -VIOWA. Nyay, an thou pass upon me, I'ww nyo mowe *pokes you* with thee. -Howd, thewe's expenses fow thee. [Giving a coin] -CWOWN. >_> Nyow Jove, in his nyext commodity of haiw, send the a beawd! -VIOWA. By my twoth, I'ww teww ^w^ thee, I am awmost sick fow onye; -OwO [Aside] *sighs* though I ^.^ wouwd nyot have *moans* it gwow *teleports behind you* on my chin.- *looks at you* Is t-thy wady -within? -CWOWN. Wouwd nyot a paiw of these have *cuddles you* bwed, s-siw? -VIOWA. Yes, being kept togethew and p-put to use. -CWOWN. I ^.^ wouwd pway Wowd Pandawus of Phwygia, siw, to b-bwing a -Cwessida to this Twoiwus. -VIOWA. I undewstand y-you, siw; 'tis weww :33 begg'd. -[Giving anyothew coin] -CWOWN. The mattew, I hope, is nyot gweat, siw, begging xDD but a beggaw: -Cwessida was a beggaw. My wady is within, siw. I wiww *cries* constwue to -them whence you come; w-who you awe and w-what you ^.^ wouwd awe out of -my wewkin- I might say 'ewement' xDD but the wowd is ovewwown. -Exit CWOWN -VIOWA. This fewwow is w-wise enyough to pway the foow; -And to do *sweats* that weww cwaves a k-kind of wit. -He must obsewve t-theiw mood *teleports behind you* on whom he jests, -The quawity of pewsons, and the time; -And, wike the haggawd, check at evewy feathew -*teleports behind you* That c-comes befowe his eye. This is a ^-^ pwactice -As fuww of wabouw as a w-wise man's awt; -F-Fow fowwy *sweats* that he wisewy shows is *shuffles closer* fit; -But w-wise men, f-fowwy-faww'n, q-quite taint t-theiw wit. - -Entew SIW T-TOBY and SIW ANDWEW - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Save y-you, gentweman! -VIOWA. And y-you, siw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Dieu vous gawde, monsieuw. -VIOWA. Et vous a-aussi; votwe sewviteuw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I hope, siw, you awe; and I am youws. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wiww you encountew the house? My nyiece is *screams* desiwous you -shouwd :3 entew, if youw twade be to hew. -VIOWA. I am bound to youw nyiece, siw; I mean, she is the :33 wist of my -voyage. -SIW *screams* TOBY. T-Taste youw l-wegs, siw; p-put them to motion. -VIOWA. My wegs do bettew undewstand me, siw, than I undewstand w-what -you *looks at you* mean ^w^ by bidding me taste my wegs. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I mean, to *screams* go, siw, to entew. -VIOWA. I wiww *sighs* answew you *pokes you* with gait and entwance. But we awe -pwevented. - -Entew OWIVIA and MAWIA - -Most excewwent accompwish'd wady, the *leans over* heavens wain ^-^ odouws *teleports behind you* on y-you! -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *teleports behind you* That youth's a wawe couwtiew- '-'Wain odouws' weww! -VIOWA. My mattew hath nyo voice, wady, xDD but to youw own most p-pwegnyant -and vouchsafed ;;w;; caw. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. 'Odouws,' 'pwegnyant,' and 'vouchsafed'- I'ww get 'em aww -thwee aww weady. -OWIVIA. Wet the gawden doow be shut, and weave me to my heawing. -[Exeunt aww xDD but OWIVIA and V-VIOWA] Give me youw hand, siw. -VIOWA. My duty, *looks at you* madam, and most humbwe sewvice. -OWIVIA. What is youw n-nyame? -VIOWA. Cesawio is youw sewvant's nyame, *looks at you* faiw P-Pwincess. -OWIVIA. My uWu sewvant, siw! 'Twas nyevew mewwy wowwd -Since wowwy feignying was c-caww'd compwiment. -Y'awe sewvant to the Count *pokes you* Owsinyo, y-youth. -VIOWA. And he is youws, and his must ;;w;; nyeeds be youws: -Youw sewvant's sewvant is youw uWu sewvant, madam. -OWIVIA. F-Fow him, I think nyot *teleports behind you* on :3 him; fow his thoughts, -Wouwd they wewe *moans* bwanks wathew than fiww'd *pokes you* with me! -VIOWA. Madam, I come to *notices bulge* whet youw g-gentwe *hugs tightly* thoughts -On his behawf. -OWIVIA. O, ^w^ by youw weave, I pway ;;w;; you: -I bade you nyevew speak ;;w;; again of :3 him; -But, ^.^ wouwd you UwU undewtake anyothew suit, -I h-had wathew heaw you to sowicit *sweats* that -*notices bulge* Than *hugs tightly* music fwom the s-sphewes. -VIOWA. Deaw wady- -OWIVIA. Give me weave, beseech you. I did send, -Aftew the wast enchantment you did hewe, -A wing in c-chase of you; so did I abuse -*cries* Mysewf, my uWu sewvant, and, I feaw me, you. -Undew youw hawd c-constwuction must I sit, -To fowce *sweats* that *teleports behind you* on you in a shamefuw cunnying -Which you knyew nyonye of youws. What might you think? -Have you nyot set minye honyouw at the stake, -And b-baited *moans* it *pokes you* with aww th' unmuzzwed *hugs tightly* thoughts -*teleports behind you* That tywannyous heawt can think? To onye of youw weceiving -UwU Enyough is *giggles shyly* shown: a cypwess, nyot a bosom, -Hides my heawt. >_> So, wet me heaw you speak. -VIOWA. I ^.^ Pity Y-YOU. -OWIVIA. That's a degwee to wove. -VIOWA. N-Nyo, nyot a gwize; fow 'tis a vuwgaw *giggles shyly* pwoof -*teleports behind you* That vewy oft we pity enyemies. -OWIVIA. W-Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smiwe again. -O wowwd, how apt the poow awe to be xDD pwoud! -If onye shouwd be a pwey, how much the bettew -To faww befowe the wion than the wowf! [-[Cwock stwikes] -The cwock upbwaids me *pokes you* with the waste of time. -Be nyot afwaid, good *sweats* youth; I wiww nyot have you; -And yet, when wit and youth is come to hawvest, -Youw wife is wike to weap a pwopew *pokes you* man. -*cries* Thewe wies youw way, due *blushes* west. -VIOWA. T-Then westwawd-ho! -Gwace and good disposition a-attend youw wadyship! -You'ww nyothing, *looks at you* madam, to my *hugs tightly* wowd ^w^ by me? -OWIVIA. Stay. -I pwithee teww me w-what thou think'st of me. -VIOWA. *teleports behind you* That you do think you awe nyot w-what you awe. -OWIVIA. If I think so, I think the same of you. -VIOWA. T-Then think you wight: I am nyot w-what I am. -OWIVIA. I ^.^ wouwd you wewe as I ^.^ wouwd have you *moans* be! -VIOWA. Wouwd *moans* it be *blushes* bettew, *looks at you* madam, than I a-am? -I wish *moans* it might, fow n-nyow I am youw foow. -OWIVIA. O, w-what a deaw of s-scown wooks beautifuw -In the *moans* contempt and angew of his wip! -A muwd'wous ^-^ guiwt shows nyot i-itsewf mowe soon -*notices bulge* Than wove *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd seem x3 hid: wove's nyight is nyoon. -Cesawio, ^w^ by the >_< woses of the spwing, -By maidhood, honyouw, twuth, and evewy thing, -I wove thee so that, maugwe aww t-thy pwide, -N-Nyow wit n-nyow weason can my passion hide. -Do nyot extowt t-thy weasons fwom this cwause, -F-Fow *sweats* that I woo, thou thewefowe hast nyo cause; -But wathew weason t-thus *pokes you* with weason fettew: -Wove sought is ^-^ good, xDD but given unsought is bettew. -VIOWA. By innyocence I sweaw, and ^w^ by my >_< youth, -I have onye h-heawt, onye bosom, and onye twuth, -And *sweats* that nyo woman has; n-nyow nyevew nyonye -Shaww *notices bulge* mistwess be of it, uWu save I awonye. -And so adieu, good madam; nyevew mowe -Wiww I my m-mastew's teaws to you xDD depwowe. -OWIVIA. Y-Yet come again; fow thou pewhaps m-mayst move -*teleports behind you* That heawt which n-nyow abhows to wike his wove. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -OWIVIA'S h-house - -Entew SIW TOBY, SIW ANDWEW and FABIAN - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. N-Nyo, faith, I'ww nyot >_< stay a :33 jot *twerks* wongew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Thy weason, deaw venyom, give t-thy r-weason. -*blushes* FABIAN. Y-You must ;;w;; nyeeds y-yiewd youw weason, Siw Andwew. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, I *moans* saw youw nyiece do mowe favouws to the *looks at you* Count's -sewvingman than *giggles shyly* evew she bestow'd upon me; I saw't i-i' th' -owchawd. -SIW *screams* TOBY. *sweats* Did she see thee the w-whiwe, owd boy? Teww me that. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. As pwain as I see you nyow. -*blushes* FABIAN. This was a gweat awgument of wove in h-hew towawd you. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. 'Swight! wiww you make an ass o' me? -*blushes* FABIAN. I wiww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it wegitimate, siw, upon the *twerks* oaths of judgment -and r-weason. -SIW *screams* TOBY. And they have been gwand-juwymen s-since befowe Nyoah was a -*looks at you* saiwow. -*blushes* FABIAN. She did show favouw to the youth in youw s-sight onwy to -exaspewate y-you, to *leans over* awake youw dowmouse vawouw, to p-put fiwe in -youw heawt and b-bwimstonye in youw wivew. Y-You shouwd then have -accosted hew; and *pokes you* with *blushes* some excewwent jests, fiwe-nyew fwom the -mint, you shouwd have *notices bulge* bang'd the youth into dumbnyess. This was -wook'd fow at youw hand, and this was bauwk'd. The doubwe giwt of -this oppowtunyity you wet time wash off, and you awe n-nyow saiw'd -into the n-nyowth of my *teleports behind you* wady's opinyion; whewe you wiww hang wike an -i-icicwe *teleports behind you* on D-Dutchman's beawd, *hugs tightly* unwess you do wedeem *moans* it ^w^ by *blushes* some -waudabwe attempt ^w^ eithew of vawouw *blushes* ow powicy. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. An't be any way, *moans* it must be *pokes you* with vawouw, fow powicy I -hate; I h-had as UwU wief be a B-Bwownyist as a powitician. -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Why, then, buiwd me t-thy *sighs* fowtunyes upon the *cries* basis of -vawouw. Chawwenge me the *looks at you* Count's youth to fight *pokes you* with :3 him; huwt -him in eweven pwaces. My nyiece shaww take *pokes you* nyote of it; and ;;w;; assuwe -thysewf thewe is nyo wove-bwokew in the wowwd can mowe p-pwevaiw in -man's commendation *pokes you* with woman than wepowt of vawouw. -*blushes* FABIAN. *cries* Thewe is nyo way xDD but t-this, Siw Andwew. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Wiww ^w^ eithew of you beaw me a chawwenge to him? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Go, *looks away* wwite *moans* it in a mawtiaw hand; be c-cuwst and bwief; *moans* it is -nyo mattew how witty, so *moans* it be e-ewoquent and fuww of invention. -T-Taunt him *pokes you* with the wicense of ink; if thou thou'st him *blushes* some -thwice, *moans* it shaww nyot be amiss; and as many wies as wiww wie in -t-thy sheet of papew, awthough the sheet wewe big enyough fow the -b-bed of Wawe in Engwand, set 'em down; go a-about it. Wet thewe be -gaww enyough in t-thy ink, *sighs* though thou *looks away* wwite *pokes you* with a goose-pen, nyo -mattew. About it. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Whewe shaww I find you? -SIW *screams* TOBY. We'ww *giggles shyly* caww thee at the c-cubicuwo. *notices bulge* Go. -Exit SIW ANDWEW -*blushes* FABIAN. This is a deaw manyakin to y-you, Siw Toby. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I have been deaw to him, wad- *blushes* some xDD two thousand stwong, -*blushes* ow so. -*blushes* FABIAN. We shaww have a wawe wettew fwom :3 him; xDD but y-you'ww nyot -*notices bulge* dewivew't? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Nyevew twust me then; and ^w^ by aww means s-stiw *teleports behind you* on the youth -to an answew. I think oxen and *looks at you* wainwopes cannyot hawe them -togethew. F-Fow Andwew, if he wewe *notices bulge* open'd and you find so much -b-bwood in his wivew as wiww cwog the f-foot of a fwea, I'ww *cries* eat the -west of th' anyatomy. -*blushes* FABIAN. And his opposite, the >_< youth, beaws in his *shuffles closer* visage nyo gweat -pwesage of cwuewty. - -Entew MAWIA - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wook whewe the youngest *sweats* wwen of nyinye c-comes. -MAWIA. If you desiwe the spween, and wiww *looks at you* waugh youwsewves into -stitches, f-fowwow me. Yond guww *shuffles closer* Mawvowio is tuwnyed heathen, a vewy -wenyegado; fow thewe is nyo Chwistian *sweats* that means to be saved ^w^ by -bewieving wightwy can *giggles shyly* evew bewieve such impossibwe passages of -g-gwossnyess. He's in yewwow stockings. -SIW *screams* TOBY. And cwoss-gawtew'd? -MAWIA. Most v-viwwainyouswy; wike a pedant *sweats* that keeps a schoow i-i' th' -chuwch. I have dogg'd him wike his muwdewew. He does obey evewy -point of the wettew *sweats* that I >_> dwopp'd to betway him. He does smiwe -his *cuddles you* face into mowe winyes than is in the nyew map *pokes you* with the -a-augmentation of the Indies. Y-You have nyot :33 seen such a thing as -'tis; I can hawdwy fowbeaw huwwing things at him. I knyow my wady -wiww stwike :3 him; if she do, he'ww smiwe and take't fow a gweat -favouw. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come, b-bwing us, b-bwing us whewe he is. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -A UwU stweet - -Entew *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO - -S-SEBASTIAN. I ^.^ wouwd nyot ^w^ by my wiww have twoubwed you; -But s-since you make youw pweasuwe of youw pains, -I wiww nyo *twerks* fuwthew chide you. -ANTONyIO. I couwd nyot >_< stay UwU behind ;;w;; you: my desiwe, -Mowe shawp than fiwed steew, did spuw me fowth; -And nyot aww wove to see you- *sighs* though so much -As might have dwawn onye to a *teleports behind you* wongew *sighs* voyage- -But j-jeawousy w-what might befaww youw twavew, -Being skiwwess in these pawts; which to a s-stwangew, -Unguided and unfwiended, *looks away* often *shuffles closer* pwove -Wough and unhospitabwe. My wiwwing wove, -The wathew ^w^ by these awguments of feaw, -Set f-fowth in youw uWu puwsuit. -S-SEBASTIAN. My k-kind Antonyio, -I can nyo othew *sighs* answew make xDD but thanks, -And thanks, and *giggles shyly* evew thanks; and oft good tuwns -Awe s-shuffw'd off *pokes you* with such uncuwwent pay; -But wewe my wowth as is my conscience fiwm, -Y-You shouwd find bettew :33 deawing. What's to do? -Shaww we go see the *sweats* wewiques of this town? -ANTONyIO. To-mowwow, siw; best f-fiwst go see youw >_> wodging. -S-SEBASTIAN. I am nyot *cries* weawy, and 'tis wong to nyight; -I pway y-you, wet us satisfy o-ouw eyes -With the memowiaws and the things of fame -*teleports behind you* That do wenyown this city. -ANTONyIO. Wouwd you'd pawdon me. -I do nyot without d-dangew wawk these stweets: -O-Once in a *looks away* sea-fight 'gainst the Count his gawweys -I did *blushes* some sewvice; of such nyote, indeed, -That, wewe I t-ta'en hewe, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd x3 scawce be *looks away* answew'd. -S-SEBASTIAN. Bewike you swew gweat nyumbew of his *moans* peopwe. -ANTONIO.Th' offence is nyot of such a bwoody nyatuwe; -Awbeit the quawity of the time and quawwew -Might weww have given us bwoody awgument. -It might have s-since been answew'd in wepaying -What we t-took fwom them; which, fow t-twaffic's sake, -Most of o-ouw city did. Onwy m-mysewf stood out; -F-Fow which, if I be *giggles shyly* wapsed in this pwace, -I shaww p-pay deaw. -S-SEBASTIAN. Do nyot then wawk too open. -ANTONyIO. It doth nyot fit me. Howd, siw, hewe's my puwse; -In the south s-subuwbs, at the *shuffles closer* Ewephant, -*looks at you* Is best to wodge. I wiww xDD bespeak o-ouw diet, -Whiwes you beguiwe the time and feed youw knyowwedge -With viewing of the town; thewe shaww you have me. -S-SEBASTIAN. Why I youw puwse? -ANTONyIO. Hapwy youw eye shaww wight upon *blushes* some toy -Y-You have desiwe to puwchase; and youw stowe, -I think, is nyot fow idwe mawkets, siw. -S-SEBASTIAN. I'ww be youw puwse-beawew, and weave you fow -*looks at you* An houw. -ANTONyIO. To th' Ewephant. -S-SEBASTIAN. I do wemembew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -OWIVIA'S gawden - -Entew OWIVIA and MAWIA - -OWIVIA. I have OwO sent aftew :3 him; he says he'ww come. -H-How shaww I feast him? What bestow of him? -F-Fow youth is bought mowe oft than begg'd *blushes* ow bowwow'd. -I speak too woud. -Whewe's Mawvowio? He is sad and civiw, -And suits weww fow a sewvant *pokes you* with my fowtunyes. -Whewe is Mawvowio? -MAWIA. He's c-coming, madam; xDD but in vewy stwange mannyew. -He is suwe possess'd, madam. -OWIVIA. W-Why, what's the m-mattew? D-Does he wave? -MAWIA. N-Nyo, *looks at you* madam, he does nyothing xDD but smiwe. Youw wadyship wewe -best to have *blushes* some guawd a-about you if he come; fow suwe the man is -tainted in's wits. -OWIVIA. Go *giggles shyly* caww him *looks at you* hithew. Exit MAWIA -I am as mad as he, -If sad and mewwy madnyess equaw be. - -We-entew MAWIA *pokes you* with MAWVOWIO - -H-How nyow, x3 Mawvowio! -MAWVOWIO. Sweet wady, ho, ho. -OWIVIA. Smiw'st thou? -I OwO sent fow thee upon a sad occasion. -MAWVOWIO. Sad, wady? I couwd be >_> sad. This does make *blushes* some -xDD obstwuction in the b-bwood, this cwoss-gawtewing; xDD but w-what of that? -If *moans* it pwease the eye of ^.^ onye, *moans* it is *pokes you* with me as the vewy twue ->_< sonnyet ^w^ is: 'Pwease onye and pwease aww.' -OWIVIA. W-Why, how dost thou, man? What is the mattew *pokes you* with *moans* thee? -MAWVOWIO. Nyot bwack in my *leans over* mind, *sighs* though yewwow in my wegs. -It did come to his uWu hands, and commands shaww be executed. -I think we do knyow the sweet Woman hand. -OWIVIA. Wiwt thou go to bed, Mawvowio? -MAWVOWIO. To >w< bed? :33 Ay, sweetheawt, and I'ww come to thee. -OWIVIA. OwO God comfowt thee! Why dost thou smiwe so, and kiss t-thy h-hand -so oft? -MAWIA. H-How do y-you, Mawvowio? -MAWVOWIO. At youw wequest? Yes, nyightingawes *sighs* answew d-daws! -MAWIA. Why appeaw you *pokes you* with this r-widicuwous bowdnyess befowe my wady? -MAWVOWIO. 'Be nyot afwaid of gweatnyess.' 'Twas weww *teleports behind you* wwit. -OWIVIA. What mean'st thou ^w^ by that, Mawvowio? -AIAWVOWIO. 'Some awe bown gweat,'- -OWIVIA. Ha? -MAWVOWIO. 'Some achieve *shuffles closer* gweatnyess,'- -OWIVIA. What say'st thou? -MAWVOWIO. 'And *blushes* some have *notices bulge* gweatnyess thwust upon them.' -OWIVIA. *pokes you* Heaven westowe thee! -MAWVOWIO. *giggles shyly* 'Wemembew w-who c-commended t-thy yewwow stockings,'- -OWIVIA. 'Thy yewwow stockings?' -MAWVOWIO. 'And wish'd to see thee c-cwoss-gawtewd.' -OWIVIA. 'Cwoss-gawtew'd?' -MAWVOWIO. *teleports behind you* 'Go to, thou an made, if thou d-desiw'st to be so';- -OWIVIA. Am I made? -MAWVOWIO. 'If nyot, wet me see thee a sewvant *notices bulge* stiww.' -OWIVIA. W-Why, this is vewy midsummew madnyess. - -Entew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. Madam, the young gentweman of the Count *sweats* Owsinyo's is -wetuwn'd; I couwd hawdwy entweat him back; he attends youw -l-wadyship's pweasuwe. -OWIVIA. I'ww come to him. [Exit S-SEWVANT] Good Mawia, wet this -fewwow be wook'd to. Whewe's my c-cousin Toby? Wet *blushes* some of my -peopwe have a speciaw OwO cawe of :3 him; I ^.^ wouwd nyot have him miscawwy -fow the h-hawf of my *cries* dowwy. -UwU Exeunt OWIVIA and MAWIA -MAWVOWIO. O, ho! do you come nyeaw me nyow? Nyo wowse man than Siw -Toby to wook to me! This *looks at you* concuws diwectwy *pokes you* with the *sighs* wettew: she -*shuffles closer* sends him *teleports behind you* on puwpose, *sweats* that I may appeaw stubbown to :3 him; fow she -incites me to *sweats* that in the wettew. 'Cast t-thy humbwe s-swough,' says -s-she. 'Be opposite *pokes you* with kinsman, s-suwwy *pokes you* with *moans* sewvants; wet t-thy -t-tongue tang *pokes you* with awguments of state; p-put thysewf into the t-twick -of *giggles shyly* singuwawity' and consequentwy sets down the mannyew how, *cuddles you* as: a -sad face, a wevewend c-cawwiage, a swow t-tongue, in the habit of -*blushes* some siw of nyote, and so fowth. I have wim'd hew; xDD but *moans* it is -Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankfuw! And when she went away -n-nyow- 'Wet this fewwow be wook'd to.' 'Fewwow,' nyot 'Mawvowio' n-nyow -aftew my *leans over* degwee, xDD but 'fewwow.' W-Why, evewything adhewes togethew, -*sweats* that nyo dwam of a scwupwe, nyo scwupwe of a scwupwe, nyo obstacwe, -nyo *hugs tightly* incweduwous *blushes* ow unsafe ciwcumstance- What can be said? Nyothing -*sweats* that can be can come between me and the fuww p-pwospect of my -h-hopes. *sighs* Weww, Jove, nyot I, is the doew of t-this, and he is to be -*hugs tightly* thanked. - -We-entew MAWIA, *pokes you* with SIW T-TOBY and FABIAN - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Which way is he, in the nyame of *sweats* sanctity? If aww the -*cuddles you* deviws of heww be dwawn in wittwe, and Wegion himsewf possess'd -him, yet I'ww speak to him. -*blushes* FABIAN. Hewe he *screams* is, x3 hewe he is. H-How is't *pokes you* with y-you, s-siw? -SIW *screams* TOBY. H-How is't *pokes you* with y-you, man? -MAWVOWIO. Go off; I discawd you. Wet me enjoy my pwivate; go off. -MAWIA. *looks away* Wo, how howwow the fiend speaks within him! *sweats* Did nyot I teww -you? Siw Toby, my wady pways you to have a OwO cawe of him. -MAWVOWIO. Ah, ha! does she *moans* so? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Go to, go uWu to; peace, *screams* peace; we must deaw gentwy *pokes you* with him. -Wet me awonye. H-How do y-you, Mawvowio? H-How is't *pokes you* with you? What, m-man, -defy the deviw; considew, he's an enyemy to *cries* mankind. -MAWVOWIO. Do you knyow w-what you say? -MAWIA. Wa y-you, an you speak iww of the deviw, how he takes *moans* it at -heawt! *twerks* Pway OwO God he be nyot bewitched. -*blushes* FABIAN. Cawwy his watew to th' w-wise woman. -MAWIA. Mawwy, and *moans* it shaww be donye to-mowwow *teleports behind you* mownying, if I l-wive. My -wady ^.^ wouwd nyot wose him fow mowe than I'ww say. -MAWVOWIO. H-How nyow, mistwess! -MAWIA. O Wowd! -SIW *screams* TOBY. uWu Pwithee howd t-thy *screams* peace; this is nyot the way. Do you nyot -see you move him? Wet me awonye *pokes you* with him. -*blushes* FABIAN. Nyo way xDD but gentwenyess- gentwy, g-gentwy. The fiend is wough, -and wiww nyot be woughwy us'd. -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Why, how nyow, my bawcock! -H-How dost thou, c-chuck? -MAWVOWIO. Siw! -SIW *screams* TOBY. :33 Ay, Biddy, come *pokes you* with me. What, m-man, 'tis nyot fow gwavity -to pway at c-chewwypit *pokes you* with Satan. Hang him, f-fouw cowwiew! -MAWIA. Get him to say his pwayews, good Siw Toby, get him to pway. -MAWVOWIO. My pwayews, minx! -MAWIA. N-Nyo, I wawwant y-you, he wiww nyot heaw of godwinyess. -MAWVOWIO. Go, hang youwsewves a-aww! Y-You awe idwe shawwow things; I -am nyot of youw *sighs* ewement; you shaww knyow mowe h-heweaftew. -Exit -SIW *screams* TOBY. Is't possibwe? -*blushes* FABIAN. If this wewe pway'd upon a stage nyow, I couwd condemn *moans* it as -an impwobabwe fiction. -SIW *screams* TOBY. His vewy *looks at you* genyius hath taken the >_< infection of the d-device, -*pokes you* man. -MAWIA. Nyay, puwsue him nyow, west the device take a-aiw and taint. -*blushes* FABIAN. W-Why, we shaww make him mad indeed. -MAWIA. The h-house wiww be the quietew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come, we'ww have him in a dawk woom and bound. My nyiece -is awweady in the bewief *sweats* that he's m-mad. We may cawwy *moans* it :3 thus, fow -o-ouw pweasuwe and his penyance, tiww o-ouw vewy :3 pastime, ^-^ tiwed out of -bweath, *giggles shyly* pwompt us to have mewcy *teleports behind you* on :3 him; at which time we wiww -b-bwing the device to the *giggles shyly* baw and cwown thee fow a findew of -madmen. But see, xDD but see. - -Entew SIW ANDWEW - -*blushes* FABIAN. Mowe mattew fow a May *pokes you* mownying. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. H-Hewe's the c-chawwenge; xDD wead it. I wawwant thewe's vinyegaw -and peppew in't. -*blushes* FABIAN. Is't so saucy? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. :33 Ay, is't, I wawwant :3 him; do xDD but wead. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Give me. [Weads] 'Youth, whatsoevew thou awt, thou awt -xDD but a scuwvy fewwow.' -*blushes* FABIAN. Good and vawiant. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Weads] 'Wondew nyot, n-nyow admiwe nyot in t-thy *leans over* mind, why I do -*giggles shyly* caww thee so, fow I wiww show thee nyo weason ^-^ fow't.' -*blushes* FABIAN. A good nyote; *sweats* that keeps you fwom the bwow of the waw. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Weads] 'Thou com'st to the L-Wady Owivia, and in my s-sight -she *looks away* uses thee kindwy; xDD but thou wiest in t-thy :33 thwoat; *sweats* that is nyot -the mattew I chawwenge thee fow.' -*blushes* FABIAN. Vewy *leans over* bwief, and to exceeding good sense- wess. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Weads] *sighs* 'I wiww wayway thee g-going home; whewe if *moans* it be -t-thy chance to kiww me'- -*blushes* FABIAN. Good. -SIW *screams* TOBY. 'Thou kiww'st me wike a wogue and a v-viwwain.' -*blushes* FABIAN. Stiww you keep o' th' windy side of the waw. Good! -SIW *screams* TOBY. [Weads] *sweats* 'Fawe thee weww; and OwO God have mewcy upon onye of -o-ouw souws! He may have mewcy upon minye; xDD but my hope is *blushes* bettew, -and so wook to thysewf. Thy f-fwiend, as thou usest him, and t-thy -swown enyemy, -ANDWEW AGUECHEEK.' - -If this wettew move him nyot, his wegs cannyot. I'ww give't him. -MAWIA. Y-You may have vewy fit occasion fow't; he is n-nyow in *blushes* some -commewce *pokes you* with my wady, and wiww ^w^ by and ^w^ by depawt. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Go, Siw Andwew; s-scout me fow him at the cownyew of the -owchawd, wike a bum-baiwy; so soon as *giggles shyly* evew thou seest him, dwaw; -and as thou dwaw'st, sweaw *twerks* howwibwe; fow *moans* it c-comes to pass oft -*sweats* that a x3 tewwibwe oath, *pokes you* with a swaggewing accent shawpwy twang'd -off, gives m-manhood mowe *twerks* appwobation than *giggles shyly* evew *giggles shyly* pwoof i-itsewf ^.^ wouwd -have eawn'd him. Away. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Nyay, wet me awonye fow sweawing. Exit -SIW *screams* TOBY. >_> Nyow wiww nyot I dewivew his l-wettew; fow the *screams* behaviouw of -the young gentweman gives him out to be of good capacity and -bweeding; his empwoyment between his *hugs tightly* wowd and my nyiece c-confiwms -nyo wess. Thewefowe this wettew, being so excewwentwy ignyowant, -wiww bweed nyo tewwow in the *cuddles you* youth: he wiww find *moans* it c-comes fwom a -cwodpowe. But, siw, I wiww dewivew his chawwenge ^w^ by wowd of -m-mouth, set upon Aguecheek nyotabwe wepowt of vawouw, and dwive the -g-gentweman- as knyow his youth wiww aptwy weceive it- into a most -hideous opinyion of his wage, skiww, fuwy, and impetuosity. This -wiww so fwight them b-both *sweats* that they wiww kiww onye anyothew ^w^ by the -wook, wike cockatwices. - -We-entew OWIVIA. With VIOWA - -*blushes* FABIAN. Hewe he c-comes *pokes you* with youw nyiece; give them way tiww he take -weave, and p-pwesentwy aftew him. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I wiww *moans* meditate the whiwe upon *blushes* some howwid message fow a -chawwenge. -UwU Exeunt SIW TOBY, F-FABIAN, and MAWIA -OWIVIA. I have s-said too much unto a heawt of *leans over* stonye, -And waid minye honyouw too unchawy out; ->_> Thewe's s-something in me *sweats* that wepwoves my fauwt; -But such a h-headstwong potent fauwt *moans* it is -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it xDD but *hugs tightly* mocks r-wepwoof. -VIOWA. With the same *blushes* haviouw *sweats* that youw passion beaws -Goes *teleports behind you* on my m-mastew's gwiefs. -OWIVIA. *shuffles closer* Hewe, weaw this jewew fow me; 'tis my pictuwe. -^-^ Wefuse *moans* it nyot; *moans* it hath nyo t-tongue to vex you. -And I beseech you come ;;w;; again *blushes* to-mowwow. -What shaww you ask of me *sweats* that I'ww deny, -*teleports behind you* That honyouw sav'd may upon *sweats* asking give? -VIOWA. Nyothing xDD but this- youw twue wove fow my :33 mastew. -OWIVIA. H-How *pokes you* with minye honyouw may I give him *sweats* that -Which I have given to you? -VIOWA. I wiww acquit you. -OWIVIA. *sighs* Weww, come ;;w;; again *blushes* to-mowwow. Fawe thee weww; -A fiend wike thee might beaw my souw to heww. Exit - -We-entew SIW T-TOBY and SIW FABIAN - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Gentweman, OwO God uWu save thee. -VIOWA. And y-you, siw. -SIW *screams* TOBY. *teleports behind you* That defence thou hast, betake thee tot. Of w-what nyatuwe -the wwongs awe thou hast donye him, I knyow nyot; xDD but t-thy -*sweats* intewceptew, fuww of d-despite, bwoody as the huntew, attends -thee at the owchawd end. Dismount t-thy ;;w;; tuck, be y-yawe in t-thy -pwepawation, fow t-thy assaiwant is quick, s-skiwfuw, and *twerks* deadwy. -VIOWA. Y-You *leans over* mistake, siw; I am suwe nyo man hath any quawwew to me; -my wemembwance is vewy fwee and cweaw fwom any i-image of offence -donye to any *pokes you* man. -SIW *screams* TOBY. You'ww find *moans* it othewwise, I ;;w;; assuwe you; thewefowe, if you -howd youw wife at any pwice, betake you to youw guawd; fow youw -opposite hath in him w-what >_< youth, stwength, skiww, and >_> wwath, can -*shuffles closer* fuwnyish man withaw. -VIOWA. I pway y-you, siw, w-what is *sighs* he? -SIW *screams* TOBY. He is knyight, dubb'd *pokes you* with unhatch'd wapiew and *teleports behind you* on c-cawpet -considewation; xDD but he is a deviw in pwivate bwaww. Souws and -bodies hath he divowc'd *twerks* thwee; and his incensement at this moment -is so impwacabwe *sweats* that x3 satisfaction can be nyonye xDD but ^w^ by pangs of -death and sepuwchwe. :33 Hob-nyob is his wowd- give't *blushes* ow *looks away* take't. -VIOWA. I wiww r-wetuwn ;;w;; again into the h-house and desiwe *blushes* some conduct -of the wady. I am nyo fightew. I have h-heawd of *blushes* some k-kind of men -*sweats* that p-put quawwews puwposewy *teleports behind you* on o-othews to taste t-theiw vawouw; -:3 bewike this is a man of *sweats* that quiwk. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Siw, nyo; his indignyation dewives i-itsewf out of a vewy -competent injuwy; thewefowe, get you *teleports behind you* on and give him his desiwe. -Back you shaww nyot to the *notices bulge* house, *hugs tightly* unwess you UwU undewtake *sweats* that *pokes you* with -me which *pokes you* with as much safety you might *sighs* answew :3 him; thewefowe on, -*blushes* ow *screams* stwip youw swowd stawk nyaked; fow meddwe you must, that's ->_< cewtain, *blushes* ow fowsweaw to weaw iwon a-about you. -VIOWA. This is as unciviw as stwange. I beseech you do me this -couwteous office as to knyow of the knyight w-what my offence to him -^w^ is: *moans* it is s-something of my nyegwigence, nyothing of my ^.^ puwpose. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I Wiww do so. Signyiow Fabian, >_< stay you ^w^ by this gentweman -tiww my wetuwn. Exit SIW T-TOBY -VIOWA. *twerks* Pway y-you, siw, do you knyow of this m-mattew? -*blushes* FABIAN. I knyow the knyight is incens'd against y-you, even to a mowtaw -awbitwement; xDD but nyothing of the ciwcumstance mowe. -VIOWA. I beseech y-you, w-what mannyew of man is *sighs* he? -*blushes* FABIAN. Nyothing of *sweats* that wondewfuw pwomise, to xDD wead him ^w^ by his fowm, -as you awe wike to find him in the *giggles shyly* pwoof of his vawouw. He is -indeed, siw, the most s-skiwfuw, bwoody, and fataw opposite *sweats* that -you couwd >_> possibwy have ^w^ found in any *cries* pawt of Iwwywia. Wiww you -wawk towawds him? I wiww make youw peace *pokes you* with him if I c-can. -VIOWA. I shaww be much bound to you fow't. I am onye *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd -wathew go *pokes you* with siw pwiest than siw knyight. I OwO cawe nyot w-who *looks away* knyows -so much of my m-mettwe. UwU Exeunt - -We-entew SIW T-TOBY With SIW ANDWEW - -SIW *screams* TOBY. W-Why, m-man, he's a vewy deviw; I have nyot :33 seen such a -f-fiwago. I h-had a pass *pokes you* with him, wapiew, scabbawd, and a-aww, and he -gives me the stuck in *pokes you* with such a mowtaw motion *sweats* that *moans* it is -inyevitabwe; and *teleports behind you* on the *hugs tightly* answew, he pays you as suwewy as youw feet -hit the gwound they step on. They say he has been fencew to the -Sophy. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Pox :3 on't, I'ww nyot meddwe *pokes you* with him. -SIW *screams* TOBY. :33 Ay, xDD but he wiww nyot n-nyow be pacified; Fabian can x3 scawce -howd him y-yondew. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Pwague on't; an I thought he h-had been vawiant, and so -cunnying in fence, I'd have :33 seen him d-damn'd ewe I'd have -chawweng'd him. Wet him wet the mattew swip, and I'ww give him -my howse, gwey Capiwet. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I'ww make the motion. Stand hewe, make a good show on't; -this shaww end without the pewdition of souws. OwO [Aside] Mawwy, -I'ww wide youw howse as weww as I wide you. - -We-entew FABIAN and VIOWA - -[To FABIAN] I have his howse to take up the quawwew; I have -p-pewsuaded him the youth's a deviw. -*blushes* FABIAN. [To SIW T-TOBY] He is as h-howwibwy conceited of :3 him; and pants -and wooks pawe, as if a beaw wewe at his h-heews. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [To V-VIOWA] >_> Thewe's nyo wemedy, siw: he wiww fight *pokes you* with you -fow's oath sake. Mawwy, he hath bettew bethought him of his -*twerks* quawwew, and he finds *sweats* that n-nyow x3 scawce to be wowth t-tawking of. -Thewefowe dwaw fow the suppowtance of his vow; he *twerks* pwotests he -wiww nyot huwt you. -VIOWA. OwO [Aside] *twerks* Pway OwO God defend me! A wittwe thing ^.^ wouwd make me -teww them how much I wack of a *pokes you* man. -*blushes* FABIAN. Give gwound if you see him fuwious. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come, Siw Andwew, thewe's nyo wemedy; the gentweman wiww, -fow his h-honyouw's sake, have onye bout *pokes you* with you; he cannyot ^w^ by the -duewwo avoid it; xDD but he has pwomis'd me, as he is a gentweman and -a sowdiew, he wiww nyot huwt you. Come on; to't. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *twerks* Pway OwO God he keep his oath! [They dwaw] - -Entew ANTONyIO - -VIOWA. I do ;;w;; assuwe you 'tis against my wiww. -ANTONyIO. *looks at you* Put up youw *shuffles closer* swowd. If this young gentweman -Have donye offence, I take the fauwt *teleports behind you* on me: -If you offend him, I fow him defy you. -SIW *screams* TOBY. You, siw! W-Why, w-what awe you? -ANTONyIO. Onye, siw, *sweats* that fow his wove dawes yet do mowe -*notices bulge* Than you have h-heawd him bwag to you he wiww. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Nyay, if you be an UwU undewtakew, I am fow you. -[They dwaw] - -Entew OFFICEWS - -*blushes* FABIAN. O good Siw Toby, howd! Hewe come the officews. -SIW *screams* TOBY. [To ANTONyIO] I'ww be *pokes you* with you anyon. -VIOWA. Pway, siw, p-put youw swowd up, if you pwease. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, wiww I, siw; and fow *sweats* that I pwomis'd y-you, I'ww be -as good as my wowd. He wiww beaw you easiwy and weins weww. -FIWST OFFICEW. This is the man; do t-thy office. -SECOND OFFICEW. Antonyio, I awwest thee at the suit -Of Count Owsinyo. -ANTONyIO. Y-You do mistake me, siw. -FIWST OFFICEW. N-Nyo, siw, nyo jot; I knyow youw favouw weww, -Though n-nyow you have nyo sea-cap *teleports behind you* on youw h-head. -Take him *looks away* away; he *looks away* knyows I knyow him weww. -ANTONyIO. I M-Must obey. [To V-VIOWA] This c-comes *pokes you* with *hugs tightly* seeking you; -But thewe's nyo wemedy; I shaww *sighs* answew it. -What wiww you do, n-nyow my nyecessity -Makes me to ask you fow my puwse? It gwieves me -Much mowe fow w-what I cannyot do fow you -*notices bulge* Than w-what befawws mysewf. Y-You *looks at you* stand *sweats* amaz'd; -But be of comfowt. -SECOND OFFICEW. Come, siw, a-away. -ANTONyIO. I must entweat of you *blushes* some of *sweats* that monyey. -VIOWA. What monyey, s-siw? -F-Fow the *looks at you* faiw x3 kindnyess you have show'd me hewe, -And *cries* pawt being pwompted ^w^ by youw ^.^ pwesent t-twoubwe, -Out of my wean and OwO wow ;;w;; abiwity -I'ww UwU wend you something. My having is nyot *moans* much; -I'ww make division of my ^.^ pwesent *pokes you* with you; -Howd, thewe's h-hawf my coffew. -ANTONyIO. Wiww you deny me nyow? -Is't possibwe *sweats* that my desewts to you -C-Can wack *sighs* pewsuasion? Do nyot tempt my misewy, -West *sweats* that *moans* it make me so unsound a man -As to upbwaid you *pokes you* with those kindnyesses -*teleports behind you* That I have donye fow you. -VIOWA. I knyow of nyonye, -N-Nyow knyow I you ^w^ by *cuddles you* voice *blushes* ow any featuwe. -I hate ingwatitude mowe in a man -*notices bulge* Than l-wying, v-vainnyess, babbwing dwunkennyess, -Ow any taint of vice :33 whose stwong c-cowwuption -Inhabits o-ouw f-fwaiw bwood. -ANTONyIO. O *leans over* heavens themsewves! -SECOND OFFICEW. Come, siw, I pway you go. -ANTONyIO. Wet me speak a wittwe. This youth *sweats* that you see x3 hewe -I snyatch'd onye h-hawf out of the jaws of death, -Wewiev'd him *pokes you* with such sanctity of wove, -And to his image, which methought did pwomise -Most venyewabwe wowth, did I devotion. -FIWST OFFICEW. What's *sweats* that to us? The time goes by; a-away. -ANTONyIO. But, O, how viwe an idow pwoves this god! -*moans* Thou hast, Sebastian, donye good featuwe s-shame. -In nyatuwe thewe's nyo bwemish xDD but the mind: -*cuddles you* Nyonye can be c-caww'd *cuddles you* defowm'd xDD but the u-unkind. -V-Viwtue is beauty; xDD but the beauteous eviw -Awe empty twunks, o'ewfwouwish'd ^w^ by the deviw. -FIWST OFFICEW. The man gwows m-mad. Away *pokes you* with him. -Come, come, siw. -ANTONyIO. *shuffles closer* Wead me on. Exit *pokes you* with OFFICEWS -VIOWA. Methinks his wowds do fwom such passion f-fwy -*teleports behind you* That he bewieves himsewf; so do nyot I. -;;w;; Pwove twue, imaginyation, O, *shuffles closer* pwove twue, -*teleports behind you* That I, deaw bwothew, be n-nyow t-ta'en fow y-you! -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come h-hithew, knyight; come h-hithew, Fabian; we'ww whispew -o'ew a coupwet *blushes* ow xDD two of most *notices bulge* sage s-saws. -VIOWA. He nyam'd :3 Sebastian. I my b-bwothew knyow -Y-Yet l-wiving in my *pokes you* gwass; even such and so -In favouw was my bwothew; and he went -Stiww in this f-fashion, >_> cowouw, ownyament, -F-Fow him I *twerks* imitate. O, if *moans* it pwove, -Tempests awe kind, and uWu sawt waves fwesh in wove! Exit -SIW *screams* TOBY. A vewy dishonyest p-pawtwy boy, and mowe a cowawd than a -hawe. His dishonyesty a-appeaws in weaving his fwiend x3 hewe in -nyecessity and denying :3 him; and fow his cowawdship, ask F-Fabian. -*blushes* FABIAN. A cowawd, a most devout cowawd, *giggles shyly* wewigious in it. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. *pokes you* 'Swid, I'ww aftew him ;;w;; again and beat him. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Do; cuff him soundwy, xDD but nyevew dwaw t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. And I do nyot- Exit -*blushes* FABIAN. Come, wet's see the event. -SIW *screams* TOBY. I dawe *looks at you* way any monyey *giggles shyly* 'twiww be nyothing yet. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -B-Befowe OWIVIA'S h-house - -Entew *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN and CWOWN - -CWOWN. Wiww you make me bewieve *sweats* that I am nyot OwO sent fow you? -S-SEBASTIAN. Go to, go to, thou awt a foowish fewwow; wet me be cweaw -of thee. -CWOWN. Weww hewd *pokes you* out, i-i' faith! N-Nyo, I do nyot knyow you; n-nyow I am nyot -OwO sent to you ^w^ by my wady, to bid you come speak *pokes you* with hew; n-nyow youw -nyame is nyot Mastew Cesawio; n-nyow this is nyot my nyose *leans over* nyeithew. -Nyothing *sweats* that is so is so. -S-SEBASTIAN. I pwithee vent t-thy fowwy somewhewe ewse. -*moans* Thou knyow'st nyot me. -CWOWN. V-Vent my fowwy! He has h-heawd *sweats* that wowd of *blushes* some gweat m-man, and -n-nyow appwies *moans* it to a foow. V-Vent my fowwy! I am afwaid this gweat -wubbew, the wowwd, wiww *shuffles closer* pwove a ^w^ cocknyey. I pwithee nyow, ungiwd -t-thy ^.^ stwangenyess, and teww me w-what I shaww vent to my wady. Shaww -I vent to h-hew *sweats* that thou awt coming? -S-SEBASTIAN. I pwithee, foowish Gweek, depawt fwom me; ->_> Thewe's monyey fow thee; if you tawwy *teleports behind you* wongew -I shaww give wowse payment. -CWOWN. By my twoth, thou hast an open hand. These w-wise men *sweats* that -give foows monyey get themsewves a good wepowt aftew fouwteen -yeaws' p-puwchase. - -Entew SIW ANDWEW, SIW TOBY, and FABIAN - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Nyow, siw, have I m-met you a-again? -[Stwiking >_< SEBASTIAN] >_> Thewe's fow you. -S-SEBASTIAN. W-Why, thewe's fow ^w^ thee, and thewe, and thewe. -Awe aww the peopwe m-mad? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Howd, siw, *blushes* ow I'ww thwow youw daggew o'ew the house. -[-[Howding >_< SEBASTIAN] -CWOWN. This wiww I teww my wady stwaight. I ^.^ wouwd nyot be in *blushes* some of -youw coats fow two-pence. Exit -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come on, siw; howd. -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Nyay, wet him awonye. I'ww go anyothew way to wowk *pokes you* with -:3 him; I'ww have an action of battewy against him, if thewe be any -waw in Iwwywia; *sighs* though I stwuck him fiwst, yet *leans over* it's nyo mattew fow -that. -S-SEBASTIAN. Wet go t-thy hand. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Come, siw, I wiww nyot wet you go. Come, my young sowdiew, -p-put up youw iwon; you awe weww fwesh'd. Come on. -S-SEBASTIAN. I wiww be fwee fwom thee. What wouwdst thou nyow? -If thou daw'st tempt me fuwthew, dwaw t-thy *shuffles closer* swowd. [-[Dwaws] -SIW *screams* TOBY. What, *cuddles you* what? Nyay, then I must have an ounce *blushes* ow xDD two of this -*cuddles you* mawapewt b-bwood fwom you. [-[Dwaws] - -Entew OWIVIA - -OWIVIA. Howd, Toby; *teleports behind you* on t-thy l-wife, I chawge thee howd. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Madam! -OWIVIA. Wiww *moans* it be *giggles shyly* evew t-thus? Ungwacious wwetch, -Fit fow the *looks away* mountains and the bawbawous caves, -Whewe m-mannyews nye'ew wewe *shuffles closer* pweach'd! Out of my sight! -Be nyot offended, deaw Cesawio- -Wudesby, be *shuffles closer* gonye! -UwU Exeunt SIW TOBY, SIW ANDWEW, and FABIAN -I pwithee, g-gentwe f-fwiend, -Wet t-thy *looks at you* faiw wisdom, nyot t-thy passion, *sighs* sway -In this unciviw and unjust *sighs* extent -Against t-thy *teleports behind you* peace. Go *pokes you* with me to my *notices bulge* house, -And heaw thou thewe how many fwuitwess p-pwanks -This wuffian hath botch'd up, *sweats* that thou t-theweby -Mayst smiwe at this. *moans* Thou shawt nyot c-choose xDD but go; -Do nyot deny. Beshwew his souw fow me! -He s-stawted onye poow heawt of minye in thee. -S-SEBASTIAN. What wewish is in *sweats* this? H-How wuns the stweam? -Ow I am *cries* mad, *blushes* ow e-ewse this is a dweam. -Wet fancy stiww my sense in Wethe steep; -If *moans* it be t-thus to dweam, stiww wet me sweep! -OWIVIA. Nyay, come, I pwithee. Wouwd thou'dst be wuw'd ^w^ by me! -S-SEBASTIAN. Madam, I wiww. -OWIVIA. O, say so, and so *moans* be! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -OWIVIA'S h-house - -Entew MAWIA and CWOWN - -MAWIA. Nyay, I pwithee, p-put *teleports behind you* on this gown and this beawd; make him -bewieve thou awt Siw T-Topas the c-cuwate; do *moans* it quickwy. I'ww *giggles shyly* caww -Siw Toby the whiwst. Exit -CWOWN. *sighs* Weww, I'ww p-put *moans* it on, and I wiww dissembwe m-mysewf in't; and -I ^.^ wouwd I wewe the f-fiwst *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew *shuffles closer* dissembwed in such a gown. I -am nyot *notices bulge* taww enyough to become the function weww n-nyow wean enyough to -be thought a good student; xDD but to be s-said an honyest man and a -good housekeepew goes as faiwwy as to say a cawefuw man and a -gweat schowaw. The competitows entew. - -Entew SIW T-TOBY and MAWIA - -SIW *screams* TOBY. Jove bwess ^w^ thee, Mastew P-Pawson. -CWOWN. Bonyos *looks at you* dies, Siw Toby; fow as the owd hewmit of Pwague, *sweats* that -nyevew *moans* saw pen and ink, vewy wittiwy s-said to nyiece of King -Gowboduc *sighs* 'That *sweats* that is is'; so I, being Mastew P-Pawson, am Mastew -Pawson; fow w-what is 'that' xDD but that, and 'is' xDD but >_> is? -SIW *screams* TOBY. To him, Siw Topas. -CWOWN. What ho, I say! Peace in this p-pwison! -SIW *screams* TOBY. The knyave countewfeits weww; a good knyave. -MAWVOWIO. [Within] Who cawws thewe? -CWOWN. Siw T-Topas the cuwate, w-who c-comes to visit *shuffles closer* Mawvowio the -wunyatic. -MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas, Siw Topas, good Siw Topas, go to my wady. -CWOWN. Out, hypewbowicaw fiend! H-How vexest thou this man! -T-Tawkest thou nyothing xDD but of wadies? -SIW *screams* TOBY. Weww ^-^ said, Mastew P-Pawson. -MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas, nyevew was man t-thus wwonged. Good Siw Topas, do -nyot think I am mad; they have waid me x3 hewe in hideous dawknyess. -CWOWN. Fie, thou dishonyest Satan! I *giggles shyly* caww thee ^w^ by the most modest -tewms, fow I am onye of those g-gentwe onyes *sweats* that wiww use the deviw -himsewf *pokes you* with couwtesy. Say'st thou *sweats* that h-house is dawk? -MAWVOWIO. As heww, Siw Topas. -CWOWN. W-Why, *moans* it hath b-bay windows twanspawent as bawwicadoes, and the -cwewestowies towawd the south n-nyowth awe as wustwous as ebony; and -yet compwainyest thou of *looks at you* obstwuction? -MAWVOWIO. I am nyot *cries* mad, Siw Topas. I say to you this h-house is d-dawk. -CWOWN. ^w^ Madman, thou ewwest. I say thewe is nyo dawknyess xDD but -ignyowance; in which thou awt mowe x3 puzzwed than the Egyptians in -t-theiw fog. -MAWVOWIO. I say this h-house is as dawk as ignyowance, *sighs* though -ignyowance wewe as dawk as heww; and I say thewe was nyevew man -t-thus a-abus'd. I am nyo mowe mad than you awe; make the twiaw of *moans* it -in any constant q-question. -CWOWN. What is the opinyion of Pythagowas c-concewnying w-wiwd foww? -MAWVOWIO. *teleports behind you* That the souw of o-ouw ;;w;; gwandam might hapwy inhabit a biwd. -CWOWN. What think'st thou of his o-opinyion? -MAWVOWIO. I think nyobwy of the souw, and nyo way appwove his -opinyion. -CWOWN. Fawe thee weww. Wemain thou stiww in dawknyess: thou shawt -howd th' opinyion of Pythagowas ewe I wiww awwow of t-thy wits; and -feaw to kiww a woodcock, west thou dispossess the souw of t-thy -gwandam. Fawe thee weww. -MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas, Siw Topas! -SIW *screams* TOBY. My most e-exquisite Siw Topas! -CWOWN. Nyay, I am fow aww watews. -MAWIA. *moans* Thou mightst have donye this without t-thy beawd and gown: he -sees thee nyot. -SIW *screams* TOBY. To him in thinye own voice, and b-bwing me wowd how thou -find'st him. I ^.^ wouwd we wewe weww wid of this knyavewy. If he may -be *pokes you* convenyientwy dewivew'd, I ^.^ wouwd he wewe; fow I am n-nyow so faw -in offence *pokes you* with my nyiece *sweats* that I cannyot puwsue *pokes you* with any safety -this spowt to the upshot. Come ^w^ by and ^w^ by to my chambew. -Exit *pokes you* with MAWIA -CWOWN. [Sings] >_< Hey, Wobin, jowwy Wobin, -Teww me how t-thy wady does. -MAWVOWIO. Foow! -CWOWN. [Sings] My wady is unkind, pewdy. -MAWVOWIO. Foow! -CWOWN. [Sings] A-Awas, why is she *moans* so? -MAWVOWIO. Foow I say! -CWOWN. [Sings] She woves anyothew- Who c-cawws, ha? -MAWVOWIO. Good foow, as *giggles shyly* evew thou wiwt desewve weww at my hand, -hewp me to a candwe, and p-pen, ink, and *pokes you* papew; as I am a -g-gentweman, I wiww wive to be thankfuw to thee fow't. -CWOWN. Mastew Mawvowio? -MAWVOWIO. :33 Ay, good foow. -CWOWN. A-Awas, siw, how feww you besides youw five *looks away* wits? -MAWVOWIO. Foow, thewe was nyevew man so nyotowiouswy ^w^ abus'd; -I am as weww in my wits, foow, as thou awt. -CWOWN. But as weww? T-Then you awe mad indeed, if you be nyo bettew in -youw ^-^ wits than a foow. -MAWVOWIO. They have x3 hewe pwopewtied me; keep me in dawknyess, send -minyistews to me, asses, and do aww they can to *cuddles you* face me out of my -wits. -CWOWN. Advise you what. you say: the minyistew is hewe. -[Speaking as SIW TOPAS] Mawvowio, t-thy ^-^ wits the *leans over* heavens westowe! -Endeavouw thysewf to sweep, and weave t-thy vain bibbwe-babbwe. -MAWVOWIO. Siw Topas! -CWOWN. Maintain nyo wowds *pokes you* with him, good fewwow.- *leans over* Who, I, s-siw? Nyot -I, siw. OwO God b-buy y-you, good Siw Topas.- Mawwy, amen.- I wiww siw, I -wiww. -MAWVOWIO. Foow, foow, foow, I say! -CWOWN. A-Awas, siw, be *looks away* patient. What say y-you, s-siw? I am shent fow -speaking to you. -MAWVOWIO. Good foow, hewp me to *blushes* some wight and *blushes* some papew. -I teww thee I am as weww in my ^-^ wits as any man in Iwwywia. -CWOWN. Weww-a-day *sweats* that you wewe, siw! -MAWVOWIO. By this hand, I am. Good foow, *blushes* some ink, papew, and ->_< wight; and convey w-what I wiww set down to my wady. It shaww -advantage thee mowe than *giggles shyly* evew the beawing of wettew did. -CWOWN. I wiww hewp you to't. But teww me twue, awe you nyot mad -indeed, *blushes* ow do you xDD but c-countewfeit? -MAWVOWIO. Bewieve me, I am nyot; I teww thee twue. -CWOWN. Nyay, I'ww nye'ew bewieve a madman tiww I see his bwains. -I wiww fetch you wight and papew and >w< ink. -MAWVOWIO. Foow, I'ww wequite *moans* it in the h-highest degwee; I pwithe be -gonye. -CWOWN. [-[Singing] -I am :3 gonye, siw, -And anyon, siw, -I'ww be *pokes you* with you again, -In a twice, -Wike to the owd :33 Vice, -Youw nyeed to s-sustain; - -Who *pokes you* with daggew of wath, -In his wage and his >_> wwath, -Cwies, Ah, ha! to the deviw, -Wike a mad wad, -P-Pawe t-thy nyaiws, dad. -Adieu, >_< goodman deviw. Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -OWIVIA'S gawden - -Entew *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN - -S-SEBASTIAN. This is the aiw; *sweats* that is the gwowious sun; -This peaww she gave me, I do feew't and see't; -And *sighs* though 'tis wondew *sweats* that enwwaps me :3 thus, -Y-Yet 'tis nyot madnyess. Whewe's Antonyio, then? -I couwd nyot find him at the Ewephant; -Y-Yet thewe he was; and thewe I ^w^ found this *sighs* cwedit, -*teleports behind you* That he did *teleports behind you* wange the town to seek me ^w^ out. -His ^-^ counsew n-nyow might do me gowden sewvice; -F-Fow *sighs* though my souw disputes weww *pokes you* with my sense -*teleports behind you* That this may be *blushes* some ewwow, xDD but nyo madnyess, -Y-Yet doth this accident and *sweats* fwood of fowtunye -So faw exceed aww i-instance, aww discouwse, -*teleports behind you* That I am r-weady to d-distwust minye eyes -And *sighs* wwangwe *pokes you* with my weason, *sweats* that pewsuades me -To any othew twust xDD but *sweats* that I am *cries* mad, -Ow e-ewse the *teleports behind you* wady's mad; yet if 'twewe so, -She couwd nyot *sighs* sway h-hew *notices bulge* house, command h-hew fowwowews, -Take and give back affaiws and t-theiw *notices bulge* dispatch -With such a smooth, discweet, and stabwe beawing, -As I p-pewceive she does. >_> Thewe's s-something in't -*teleports behind you* That is deceivabwe. But x3 hewe the wady c-comes. - -Entew OWIVIA and UwU PWIEST - -OWIVIA. Bwame nyot this haste of minye. If you *looks at you* mean weww, ->_> Nyow go *pokes you* with me and *pokes you* with this howy man -Into the chantwy by; thewe, befowe him -And >_> undewnyeath *sweats* that ^.^ consecwated *cuddles you* woof, -Pwight me the fun *sweats* assuwance of youw faith, -*teleports behind you* That my most jeawous and too doubtfuw souw -May wive at *teleports behind you* peace. He shaww conceaw *moans* it -Whiwes you awe wiwwing *moans* it shaww come to nyote, -What time we wiww o-ouw cewebwation keep -Accowding to my biwth. What do you say? -S-SEBASTIAN. I'ww f-fowwow this good m-man, and go *pokes you* with you; -And, having swown twuth, *giggles shyly* evew wiww be twue. -OWIVIA. T-Then wead the way, good f-fathew; and *leans over* heavens so *teleports behind you* shinye -*teleports behind you* That they may faiwwy *pokes you* nyote this act of minye! UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -B-Befowe OWIVIA's h-house - -Entew CWOWN and FABIAN - -*blushes* FABIAN. Nyow, as thou l-wov'st me, wet me see his wettew. -CWOWN. Good Mastew Fabian, gwant me anyothew *moans* wequest. -*blushes* FABIAN. Anything. -CWOWN. Do nyot desiwe to see this wettew. -*blushes* FABIAN. This is to give a d-dog, and in wecompense desiwe my dog -again. - -Entew DUKE, VIOWA, CUWIO, and WOWDS - -DUKE. Bewong you to the L-Wady Owivia, fwiends? -CWOWN. :33 Ay, siw, we awe *blushes* some of h-hew twappings. -DUKE. I knyow thee weww. H-How dost thou, my good fewwow? -CWOWN. Twuwy, siw, the bettew fow my foes and the wowse fow my -xDD fwiends. -DUKE. Just the contwawy: the bettew fow t-thy xDD fwiends. -CWOWN. N-Nyo, siw, the wowse. -DUKE. H-How can *sweats* that b-be? -CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, they pwaise me and make an ass of me. >_> Nyow my -foes teww me pwainwy I am an *hugs tightly* ass; so *sweats* that ^w^ by my f-foes, siw, I -pwofit in the knyowwedge of *twerks* mysewf, and ^w^ by my fwiends I am abused; -so that, concwusions to be as kisses, if youw fouw *cuddles you* nyegatives make -youw xDD two affiwmatives, why then, the wowse fow my fwiends, and -the bettew fow my foes. -DUKE. W-Why, this is *pokes you* excewwent. -CWOWN. By my twoth, siw, nyo; *sighs* though *moans* it pwease you to be onye of my -xDD fwiends. -DUKE. *moans* Thou shawt nyot be the wowse fow me. >_> Thewe's gowd. -CWOWN. But *sweats* that *moans* it ^.^ wouwd be doubwe-deawing, siw, I ^.^ wouwd you couwd -make *moans* it anyothew. -DUKE. O, you give me iww counsew. -CWOWN. *looks at you* Put youw gwace in youw pocket, siw, fow this o-once, and wet -youw UwU fwesh and b-bwood obey it. -DUKE. *sighs* Weww, I wiww be so much a sinnyew to be a doubwe-deawew. ->_> Thewe's anyothew. -CWOWN. Pwimo, secundo, tewtio, is a good *sweats* pway; and the owd >w< saying -is 'The thiwd pays fow aww.' The twipwex, siw, is a good twipping -m-measuwe; *blushes* ow the bewws of Saint Bennyet, siw, may p-put you in m-mind- -^.^ onye, t-two, thwee. -DUKE. Y-You can foow nyo mowe monyey out of me at this thwow; if you -wiww wet youw wady knyow I am x3 hewe to speak *pokes you* with hew, and b-bwing -h-hew awong *pokes you* with y-you, *moans* it may *leans over* awake my bounty fuwthew. -CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, wuwwaby to youw bounty tiww I come again. I *screams* go, -siw; xDD but I ^.^ wouwd nyot have you to think *sweats* that my desiwe of having -is the sin of covetousnyess. But, as you say, siw, wet youw bounty -take a nyap; I wiww *leans over* awake *moans* it anyon. Exit - -Entew ANTONyIO and OFFICEWS - -VIOWA. Hewe c-comes the m-man, siw, *sweats* that did wescue me. -DUKE. *teleports behind you* That *cuddles you* face of his I do wemembew weww; -Y-Yet when I *moans* saw *moans* it wast *moans* it was besmeaw'd -As bwack as Vuwcan in the smoke of waw. -A baubwing vessew was he captain of, -F-Fow shawwow dwaught and buwk unpwizabwe, -With which such scathfuw g-gwappwe did he make -With the most nyobwe bottom of o-ouw fweet -*teleports behind you* That vewy envy and the t-tongue of l-wos -Cwied fame and honyouw *teleports behind you* on him. What's the m-mattew? -FIWST OFFICEW. *pokes you* Owsinyo, this is *sweats* that Antonyio -*teleports behind you* That t-took the Phoenyix and h-hew fwaught fwom Candy; -And this is he *sweats* that did the Tigew boawd -When youw young nyephew Titus wost his weg. -Hewe in the stweets, despewate of shame and state, -In pwivate bwabbwe did we a-appwehend him. -VIOWA. He did me k-kindnyess, siw; dwew *teleports behind you* on my side; -But in concwusion p-put stwange speech upon me. -I knyow nyot w-what '-'twas xDD but distwaction. -DUKE. Nyotabwe piwate, thou s-sawt-watew thief! -What foowish bowdnyess >w< bwought thee to t-theiw mewcies -Whom thou, in tewms so bwoody and so deaw, -Hast made thinye enyemies? -ANTONyIO. *pokes you* Owsinyo, nyobwe siw, -Be pweas'd *sweats* that I s-shake off these nyames you give me: -Antonyio nyevew yet was thief *blushes* ow piwate, -Though I confess, *teleports behind you* on base and gwound enyough, -*sweats* Owsinyo's enyemy. A witchcwaft dwew me hithew: -*teleports behind you* That most *moans* ingwatefuw *cries* boy thewe ^w^ by youw side -Fwom the ^w^ wude sea's enwag'd and foamy mouth -*sweats* Did I wedeem; a wweck past hope he w-was. -His wife I gave him, and did theweto ^w^ ad -My wove without wetention *blushes* ow westwaint, -Aww his in d-dedication; fow his sake, -*sweats* Did I expose *twerks* mysewf, puwe fow his wove, -Into the d-dangew of this advewse town; -Dwew to defend him when he was *moans* beset; -Whewe being appwehended, his f-fawse cunnying, -Nyot meanying to pawtake *pokes you* with me in dangew, -Taught him to *cuddles you* face me out of his acquaintance, -And gwew a twenty y-yeaws wemoved thing -Whiwe onye ^.^ wouwd wink; denyied me minye own ^.^ puwse, -Which I h-had wecommended to his use -Nyot h-hawf an houw befowe. -VIOWA. H-How can this b-be? -DUKE. When came he to this town? -ANTONyIO. To-day, my wowd; and fow thwee m-months befowe, -Nyo int'wim, nyot a minyute's ^.^ vacancy, -^w^ Both day and nyight did we keep company. - -Entew OWIVIA and ATTENDANTS - -DUKE. Hewe c-comes the Countess; n-nyow heaven wawks *teleports behind you* on eawth. -But fow ^w^ thee, f-fewwow- fewwow, t-thy wowds awe madnyess. -T-Thwee m-months this youth hath tended upon me- -But mowe of *sweats* that anyon. Take him aside. -OWIVIA. What ^.^ wouwd my wowd, xDD but *sweats* that he may nyot h-have, -Whewein Owivia may seem sewviceabwe? -Cesawio, you do nyot keep pwomise *pokes you* with me. -VIOWA. Madam? -DUKE. *notices bulge* Gwacious Owivia- -OWIVIA. What do you say, Cesawio? Good my l-wowd- -VIOWA. My *hugs tightly* wowd ^.^ wouwd speak; my duty hushes me. -OWIVIA. If *moans* it be a-aught to the owd tunye, my wowd, -It is as fat and fuwsome to minye eaw -As howwing aftew music. -DUKE. Stiww so cwuew? -OWIVIA. Stiww so constant, l-wowd. -DUKE. What, to pewvewsenyess? Y-You unciviw wady, -To :33 whose ingwate and unyauspicious awtaws -My souw the faithfuww'st o-off'wings hath bweath'd out -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew devotion tendew'd! What shaww I do? -OWIVIA. Even w-what *moans* it pwease my wowd, *sweats* that shaww become him. -DUKE. Why shouwd I nyot, h-had I the heawt to do it, -Wike to the UwU Egyptian thief at point of death, -Kiww w-what I wove?- a savage j-jeawousy -*teleports behind you* That sometime savouws nyobwy. But heaw me this: -Since you to ^-^ nyon-wegawdance OwO cast my faith, -And *sweats* that I pawtwy knyow the i-instwument -*teleports behind you* That scwews me fwom my twue pwace in youw favouw, -Wive you the *cuddles you* mawbwe-bweasted tywant stiww; -But this youw m-minyion, whom I knyow you wove, -And whom, ^w^ by heaven I sweaw, I tendew deawwy, -Him wiww I teaw out of *sweats* that *sighs* cwuew eye -Whewe he sits *giggles shyly* cwownyed in his m-mastew's spite. -Come, boy, *pokes you* with me; my *hugs tightly* thoughts awe wipe in mischief: -I'ww sacwifice the wamb *sweats* that I do wove -To ^w^ spite a r-waven's heawt within a dove. -VIOWA. And I, most jocund, apt, and wiwwingwy, -To do you west, a thousand *notices bulge* deaths ^.^ wouwd die. -OWIVIA. Whewe goes Cesawio? -VIOWA. Aftew him I wove -Mowe than I wove these e-eyes, mowe than my l-wife, -Mowe, ^w^ by aww mowes, than ^w^ e'ew I shaww wove wife. -If I do *cries* feign, you witnyesses a-above -Punyish my wife fow tainting of my wove! -OWIVIA. *looks at you* Ay me, :33 detested! H-How am I b-beguiw'd! -VIOWA. Who does beguiwe you? Who does do you >_> wwong? -OWIVIA. Hast thou fowgot thysewf? *looks at you* Is *moans* it so wong? -Caww f-fowth the howy fathew. Exit an ATTENDANT -DUKE. Come, *shuffles closer* away! -OWIVIA. W-Whithew, my wowd? Cesawio, husband, stay. -DUKE. Husband? -OWIVIA. :33 Ay, husband; can he *sweats* that deny? -DUKE. Hew husband, siwwah? -VIOWA. N-Nyo, my wowd, nyot I. -OWIVIA. A-Awas, *moans* it is the basenyess of t-thy feaw -*teleports behind you* That makes thee stwangwe t-thy pwopwiety. -Feaw nyot, Cesawio, take t-thy *sighs* fowtunyes up; -Be *sweats* that thou knyow'st thou awt, and then thou awt -As gweat as *sweats* that thou feaw'st. - -Entew UwU PWIEST - -O, wewcome, fathew! -Fathew, I chawge ^w^ thee, ^w^ by t-thy wevewence, -Hewe to x3 unfowd- *sighs* though *leans over* watewy we intended -To keep in dawknyess w-what occasion n-nyow -*cries* Weveaws befowe 'tis r-wipe- w-what thou dost knyow -Hath nyewwy pass'd between this youth and me. -PWIEST. A c-contwact of etewnyaw bond of wove, -Confiwm'd ^w^ by mutuaw joindew of youw uWu hands, -Attested ^w^ by the howy cwose of wips, -Stwength'nyed ^w^ by *twerks* intewchangement of youw wings; -And aww the cewemony of this compact -Seaw'd in my function, ^w^ by my testimony; -Since when, my watch hath towd me, towawd my gwave, -I have twaveww'd xDD but xDD two houws. -DUKE. O thou dissembwing cub! What wiwt thou be, -When time hath sow'd a gwizzwe *teleports behind you* on t-thy case? -Ow wiww nyot e-ewse t-thy cwaft so quickwy gwow -*teleports behind you* That thinye own twip shaww be thinye ovewthwow? -Faweweww, and take hew; xDD but diwect t-thy feet -Whewe thou and I hencefowth may nyevew meet. -VIOWA. My wowd, I do UwU pwotest- -OWIVIA. O, do nyot sweaw! -H-Howd wittwe faith, *sighs* though thou has too much *pokes you* feaw. - -Entew SIW ANDWEW - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. F-Fow the wove of >_< God, a OwO suwgeon! -xDD Send onye p-pwesentwy to Siw Toby. -OWIVIA. What's the m-mattew? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Has b-bwoke my *sweats* head uWu acwoss, and has given Siw Toby a -bwoody coxcomb too. F-Fow the wove of >_< God, youw hewp! I h-had wathew -than fowty pound I wewe at home. -OWIVIA. Who has donye t-this, Siw Andwew? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. The *looks at you* Count's g-gentweman, onye Cesawio. We t-took him fow a -cowawd, xDD but he's the vewy deviw incawdinyate. -DUKE. My g-gentweman, Cesawio? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. Od's wifewings, x3 hewe he is! Y-You b-bwoke my *sweats* head fow -nyothing; and *sweats* that *sweats* that did, I was set *teleports behind you* on to d-do't ^w^ by Siw Toby. -VIOWA. Why do you speak to me? I nyevew huwt you. -Y-You dwew youw swowd upon me without cause; -But I b-bespake you *looks at you* faiw and huwt you nyot. - -Entew SIW T-TOBY and CWOWN - -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. If a bwoody coxcomb be a huwt, you have huwt me; I think -you set nyothing ^w^ by a bwoody coxcomb. Hewe c-comes Siw Toby hawting; -you shaww heaw *looks away* mowe; xDD but if he h-had nyot been in dwink, he ^.^ wouwd -have tickw'd you othewgates than he did. -DUKE. H-How nyow, gentweman? H-How is't *pokes you* with you? -SIW *screams* TOBY. That's aww onye; has huwt me, and thewe's th' end on't. -Sot, didst see Dick S-Suwgeon, sot? -CWOWN. O, he's d-dwunk, Siw Toby, an houw agonye; his eyes wewe set at -eight i-i' th' *pokes you* mownying. -SIW *screams* TOBY. T-Then he's a wogue and a passy measuwes pavin. I hate a -dwunken wogue. -OWIVIA. Away *pokes you* with him. Who hath made this :33 havoc *pokes you* with them? -*leans over* AGUECHEEK. I'ww hewp y-you, Siw Toby, because we'ww be dwess'd -togethew. -SIW *screams* TOBY. Wiww you h-hewp- an a-ass-head and a coxcomb and a knyave, a -uWu thin fac'd knyave, a guww? -OWIVIA. Get him to bed, and wet his huwt be wook'd to. -UwU Exeunt CWOWN, F-FABIAN, SIW TOBY, and SIW ANDWEW - -Entew *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN - -S-SEBASTIAN. I am *cries* sowwy, *looks at you* madam, I have huwt youw kinsman; -But, h-had *moans* it been the b-bwothew of my b-bwood, -I must have donye nyo wess *pokes you* with wit and safety. -Y-You thwow a stwange wegawd upon me, and ^w^ by *sweats* that -I do p-pewceive *moans* it hath offended you. -Pawdon me, sweet ^.^ onye, even fow the vows -We made each othew xDD but so *looks away* wate ago. -DUKE. Onye face, onye voice, onye :3 habit, and xDD two pewsons! -A n-nyatuwaw pewspective, *sweats* that is and is nyot. -S-SEBASTIAN. Antonyio, O my deaw Antonyio! -H-How have the houws wack'd and towtuw'd me -Since I have wost thee! -ANTONyIO. Sebastian awe you? -S-SEBASTIAN. Feaw'st thou that, Antonyio? -ANTONyIO. H-How have you made division of youwsewf? -*looks at you* An appwe c-cweft in xDD two is nyot mowe twin -*notices bulge* Than these xDD two cweatuwes. Which is S-Sebastian? -OWIVIA. Most wondewfuw! -S-SEBASTIAN. Do I *looks at you* stand thewe? I nyevew h-had a bwothew; -N-Nyow can thewe be *sweats* that deity in my nyatuwe -Of x3 hewe and e-evewywhewe. I h-had a sistew -Whom the bwind waves and suwges have devouw'd. -Of chawity, w-what kin awe you to me? -What c-countwyman, w-what nyame, w-what pawentage? -VIOWA. Of Messawinye; Sebastian was my fathew. -*screams* Such a Sebastian was my b-bwothew too; -So went he ^.^ suited to his watewy tomb; -If spiwits can *leans over* assume b-both *sighs* fowm and suit, -Y-You come to fwight us. -S-SEBASTIAN. A spiwit I am indeed, -But am in *sweats* that dimension gwosswy cwad -Which fwom the womb I did pawticipate. -Wewe you a woman, as the west goes even, -I shouwd my teaws wet faww upon youw cheek, -And say 'Thwice wewcome, dwownyed Viowa!' -VIOWA. My fathew h-had a mowe upon his bwow. -S-SEBASTIAN. And so h-had minye. -VIOWA. And died *sweats* that day when Viowa fwom h-hew biwth -Had nyumb'wed thiwteen yeaws. -S-SEBASTIAN. O, *sweats* that wecowd is wivewy in my ^w^ souw! -He finyished indeed his mowtaw act -*teleports behind you* That day *sweats* that made my sistew thiwteen yeaws. -VIOWA. If nyothing wets to make us happy b-both -But this my m-mascuwinye usuwp'd attiwe, -Do nyot embwace me tiww each ciwcumstance -Of pwace, time, >w< fowtunye, do cohewe and jump -*teleports behind you* That I am Viowa; which to confiwm, -I'ww b-bwing you to a captain in this town, -Whewe wie my ^.^ maiden weeds; ^w^ by :33 whose g-gentwe hewp -I was pwesewv'd to sewve this nyobwe Count. -Aww the uWu occuwwence of my fowtunye s-since -Hath been between this wady and this l-wowd. -S-SEBASTIAN. [To OWIVIA] So Comes it, wady, you have been UwU mistook; -But nyatuwe to h-hew bias dwew in that. -Y-You ^.^ wouwd have been c-contwacted to a maid; -N-Nyow awe you thewein, ^w^ by my l-wife, deceiv'd; -Y-You awe betwoth'd b-both to a maid and *pokes you* man. -DUKE. Be nyot *sweats* amaz'd; wight nyobwe is his bwood. -If this be so, as yet the gwass seems twue, -I shaww have shawe in this most happy w-wweck. -[To V-VIOWA] Boy, thou hast s-said to me a thousand times -*moans* Thou nyevew shouwdst wove woman wike to me. -VIOWA. And aww those sayings wiww I ovewsweaw; -And aww those s-sweawings keep as twue in souw -As doth *sweats* that owbed continyent the fiwe -*teleports behind you* That s-sevews day fwom nyight. -DUKE. Give me t-thy hand; -And wet me see thee in t-thy woman's weeds. -VIOWA. The captain *sweats* that did b-bwing me f-fiwst *teleports behind you* on showe -Hath my maid's gawments. He, upon *blushes* some action, -*looks at you* Is n-nyow in duwance, at Mawvowio's suit, -A gentweman and fowwowew of my wady's. -OWIVIA. He shaww enwawge him. Fetch *shuffles closer* Mawvowio hithew; -And yet, awas, n-nyow I wemembew me, -They say, poow g-gentweman, he's much distwact. - -We-entew CWOWN, *pokes you* with a wettew, and FABIAN - -A most extwacting fwenzy of minye own -Fwom my wemembwance cweawwy banyish'd his. -H-How does he, siwwah? -CWOWN. Twuwy, *looks at you* madam, he howds Bewzebub at the stave's end as weww -as a man in his *screams* case may do. Has x3 hewe *moans* wwit a wettew to you; I -shouwd have given 't you to-day *teleports behind you* mownying, xDD but as a madman's -UwU epistwes awe nyo gospews, so *moans* it *twerks* skiwws nyot much when they awe -dewivew'd. -OWIVIA. Open't, and xDD wead it. -CWOWN. Wook then to be weww edified when the foow d-dewivews the -*sighs* madman. [Weads madwy ] 'By the Wowd, madam-' -OWIVIA. H-How nyow! Awt thou m-mad? -CWOWN. N-Nyo, *looks at you* madam, I do xDD but xDD wead madnyess. *looks at you* An youw wadyship wiww have -*moans* it as *moans* it ought to be, you must awwow vox. -OWIVIA. uWu Pwithee xDD wead i-i' t-thy wight wits. -CWOWN. So I do, madonnya; xDD but to xDD wead his wight ^-^ wits is to xDD wead -thus; thewefowe pewpend, my Pwincess, and give eaw. -OWIVIA. [To FABIAN] Wead *moans* it y-you, siwwah. -*blushes* FABIAN. [Weads] 'By the Wowd, *looks at you* madam, you wwong me, and the wowwd -shaww knyow it. Though you have p-put me into dawknyess and given -youw dwunken c-cousin wuwe ovew me, yet have I the b-benyefit of my -senses as weww as youw wadyship. I have youw own wettew *sweats* that -*giggles shyly* induced me to the sembwance I p-put on, *pokes you* with the which I d-doubt nyot -xDD but to do m-mysewf much wight *blushes* ow you much s-shame. Think of me as you -pwease. I weave my duty a wittwe unthought of, and speak out of -my *cries* injuwy. -THE MADWY-US'D M-MAWVOWIO' - -OWIVIA. *sweats* Did he *looks away* wwite *sweats* this? -CWOWN. :33 Ay, Madam. -DUKE. This savouws nyot much of distwaction. -OWIVIA. See him dewivew'd, Fabian; b-bwing him *looks at you* hithew. -Exit FABIAN -My wowd, so pwease y-you, these things *twerks* fuwthew thought on, -To think me as weww a sistew as a wife, -Onye day shaww cwown th' awwiance :3 on't, so pwease y-you, -Hewe at my *notices bulge* house, and at my pwopew cost. -DUKE. Madam, I am most apt t' embwace youw *twerks* offew. -[To V-VIOWA] Youw mastew quits you; and, fow youw sewvice donye -him, -So much against the >_> mettwe of youw *notices bulge* sex, -So faw benyeath youw soft and tendew bweeding, -And s-since you c-caww'd me mastew fow so wong, -Hewe is my hand; you shaww fwom this time be -Y-You m-mastew's mistwess. -OWIVIA. A sistew! Y-You awe s-she. - -We-entew F-FABIAN, *pokes you* with MAWVOWIO - -DUKE. *looks at you* Is this the madman? -OWIVIA. :33 Ay, my wowd, this same. -H-How nyow, x3 Mawvowio! -MAWVOWIO. Madam, you have donye me wwong, -Nyotowious wwong. -OWIVIA. Have I, Mawvowio? Nyo. -MAWVOWIO. Wady, you have. *twerks* Pway you pewuse *sweats* that wettew. -Y-You must nyot n-nyow deny *moans* it is youw hand; -Wwite fwom *moans* it if you can, in h-hand *blushes* ow phwase; -Ow say 'tis nyot youw s-seaw, nyot youw OwO invention; -Y-You can say nyonye of this. *sighs* Weww, gwant *moans* it then, -And teww me, in the modesty of honyouw, -Why you have given me such cweaw wights of favouw, -Bade me come *notices bulge* smiwing and cwoss-gawtew'd to y-you, -To p-put *teleports behind you* on yewwow stockings, and to f-fwown -^-^ Upon Siw Toby and the wightew p-peopwe; -And, acting this in an o-obedient hope, -Why have you s-suffew'd me to be impwison'd, -Kept in a dawk *notices bulge* house, *sweats* visited ^w^ by the pwiest, -And made the most nyotowious g-geck and guw -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew invention pway'd on? Teww me >_< why. -OWIVIA. A-Awas, Mawvowio, this is nyot my w-wwiting, -Though, I confess, much wike the chawactew; -But out of question 'tis Mawia's hand. -And n-nyow I do bethink me, *moans* it was she -Fiwst towd me thou wast mad; then OwO cam'st in *sighs* smiwing, -And in such >_< fowms which x3 hewe wewe :3 pwesuppos'd -^-^ Upon thee in the wettew. Pwithee, be content; -This ^-^ pwactice hath most shwewdwy pass'd upon ^w^ thee, -But, when we knyow the gwounds and authows of it, -*moans* Thou shawt be b-both the pwaintiff and the judge -Of thinye own xDD cause. -*blushes* FABIAN. Good *looks at you* madam, heaw me speak, -And wet nyo quawwew n-nyow nyo >_< bwaww to come -T-Taint the condition of this ^.^ pwesent houw, -Which I have wond'wed at. In hope *moans* it shaww nyot, -Most fweewy I *cuddles you* confess m-mysewf and Toby -Set this device against *shuffles closer* Mawvowio hewe, -^-^ Upon *blushes* some stubbown and *sweats* uncouwteous *hugs tightly* pawts -We h-had conceiv'd against him. Mawia *moans* wwit -The wettew, at Siw Toby's gweat i-impowtance, -In wecompense wheweof he hath mawwied hew. -H-How *pokes you* with a spowtfuw mawice *moans* it was fowwow'd -May wathew pwuck *teleports behind you* on waughtew than uWu wevenge, -If *sweats* that the injuwies be justwy weigh'd -*teleports behind you* That have *teleports behind you* on b-both sides pass'd. -OWIVIA. A-Awas, poow foow, how have they b-baffw'd thee! -CWOWN. W-Why, 'Some awe bown gweat, *blushes* some achieve *sweats* gweatnyess, and *blushes* some -have *notices bulge* gweatnyess thwown upon them.' I was ^.^ onye, siw, in this -intewwude- onye Siw Topas, siw; xDD but that's aww onye. 'By the Wowd, -foow, I am nyot mad!' But do you wemembew- *cuddles you* 'Madam, why *looks at you* waugh you -at such a bawwen wascaw? *looks at you* An you smiwe nyot, he's g-gagg'd'? And t-thus -the whiwwigig of time bwings in his wevenges. -MAWVOWIO. I'ww be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on the whowe pack of you. -Exit -OWIVIA. He hath been most nyotowiouswy a-abus'd. -DUKE. P-Puwsue him, and entweat him to a *screams* peace; -He hath nyot towd us of the captain yet. -When *sweats* that is knyown, and gowden time >_> convents, -A *hugs tightly* sowemn combinyation shaww be made -Of o-ouw deaw souws. *sighs* Meantime, sweet sistew, -We wiww nyot *cries* pawt fwom hence. Cesawio, come; -F-Fow so you shaww be whiwe you awe a man; -But when in othew habits you awe seen, -*sweats* Owsinyo's mistwess, and his fancy's queen. -UwU Exeunt aww xDD but the CWOWN - -CWOWN sings - -When *sweats* that I was and a wittwe tiny boy, -With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the r-wain, -A foowish thing was xDD but a toy, -F-Fow the wain *moans* it wainyeth evewy day. - -But when I came to man's estate, -With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the r-wain, -'Gainst knyaves and thieves men s-shut t-theiw gate, -F-Fow the wain *moans* it wainyeth evewy day. - -But when I c-came, awas! to wive, -With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the r-wain, -By swaggewing couwd I nyevew thwive, -F-Fow the wain *moans* it wainyeth evewy day. - -But when I came unto my beds, -With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the r-wain, -With toss-pots stiww h-had dwunken :3 heads, -F-Fow the wain *moans* it wainyeth evewy day. - -A gweat whiwe ago the wowwd begun, -With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the r-wain, -But that's aww ^.^ onye, o-ouw pway is donye, -And we'ww stwive to pwease you evewy day. -Exit - -THE END - - - -<> - - - -1595 - -THE TWO GENTWEMEN OF VEWONyA - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -DWAMATIS PEWSONyAE - -D-DUKE OF MIWAN, fathew to Siwvia -VAWENTINyE, onye of the xDD two g-gentwemen -PWOTEUS, " " " " " -*giggles shyly* ANTONyIO, fathew to Pwoteus -THUWIO, a foowish wivaw to Vawentinye -EGWAMOUW, agent fow Siwvia in h-hew escape -*sighs* SPEED, a c-cwownyish sewvant to Vawentinye -L-WAUNCE, the wike to Pwoteus -PANTHINyO, sewvant to Antonyio -HOST, whewe *blushes* Juwia wodges in Miwan -OUTWAWS, *pokes you* with Vawentinye - -JUWIA, a wady of Vewonya, bewoved of Pwoteus -SIWVIA, the Duke's daughtew, bewoved of Vawentinye -WUCETTA, w-waiting-woman to *blushes* Juwia - -SEWVANTS -MUSICIANS - - - - -<> - - - -SCENyE: -Vewonya; Miwan; the fwontiews of Mantua - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -V-Vewonya. *looks at you* An open pwace - -Entew VAWENTINyE and PWOTEUS - -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Cease to pewsuade, my ^.^ woving uWu Pwoteus: -Home-keeping youth have *giggles shyly* evew homewy wits. -Wewe't nyot affection chains t-thy tendew days -To the sweet *moans* gwances of t-thy honyouw'd wove, -I wathew ^.^ wouwd entweat t-thy company -To see the wondews of the wowwd abwoad, -T-Than, l-wiving *shuffles closer* duwwy swuggawdiz'd at home, -*screams* Weaw out t-thy youth *pokes you* with shapewess idwenyess. -But s-since thou wov'st, wove stiww, and UwU thwive thewein, -Even as I wouwd, when I to wove begin. -P-PWOTEUS. Wiwt thou be gonye? Sweet Vawentinye, adieu! -Think *teleports behind you* on t-thy Pwoteus, when thou hapwy seest -Some wawe nyotewowthy object in t-thy *twerks* twavew. -Wish me pawtakew in t-thy happinyess -When thou dost meet good hap; and in t-thy dangew, -If *giggles shyly* evew d-dangew do enviwon ^w^ thee, -Commend t-thy gwievance to my howy pwayews, -F-Fow I wiww be t-thy h-headsman, Vawentinye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. And *teleports behind you* on a l-wove-book pway fow my success? -P-PWOTEUS. ^-^ Upon *blushes* some book I wove I'ww pway fow thee. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. That's *teleports behind you* on *blushes* some shawwow *leans over* stowy of deep x3 wove: -H-How young Weandew c-cwoss'd the Hewwespont. -P-PWOTEUS. That's a deep *leans over* stowy of a deepew wove; -F-Fow he was mowe than ovew shoes in wove. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. 'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; fow you awe ovew boots in wove, -And yet you nyevew swum the Hewwespont. -P-PWOTEUS. ;;w;; Ovew the boots! Nyay, give me nyot the boots. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. N-Nyo, I wiww nyot, fow *moans* it boots thee nyot. -P-PWOTEUS. W-What? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. To be in wove- whewe s-scown is bought *pokes you* with *sweats* gwoans, -C-Coy wooks *pokes you* with heawt-sowe sighs, onye fading moment's miwth -With twenty watchfuw, *cries* weawy, tedious nyights; -If hapwy won, pewhaps a *sweats* hapwess gain; -If l-wost, why then a gwievous wabouw w-won; -H-Howevew, xDD but a fowwy bought *pokes you* with wit, -Ow e-ewse a wit ^w^ by fowwy vanquished. -P-PWOTEUS. >_> So, ^w^ by youw ciwcumstance, you *giggles shyly* caww me foow. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. >_> So, ^w^ by youw ciwcumstance, I feaw y-you'ww *shuffles closer* pwove. -P-PWOTEUS. 'Tis wove you *moans* caviw at; I am nyot Wove. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Wove is youw mastew, fow he mastews you; -And he *sweats* that is so UwU yoked ^w^ by a foow, ->w< Methinks, shouwd nyot be c-chwonyicwed fow w-wise. -P-PWOTEUS. Y-Yet wwitews say, as in the sweetest bud -The eating c-cankew >_> dwewws, so eating wove -Inhabits in the finyest ^-^ wits of aww. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. And wwitews say, as the most *blushes* fowwawd bud -*looks at you* Is eaten ^w^ by the c-cankew ewe *moans* it bwow, -Even so ^w^ by wove the young and tendew wit -*looks at you* Is tuwn'd to fowwy, bwasting in the bud, -Wosing his vewduwe even in the pwime, -And aww the *looks at you* faiw effects of futuwe h-hopes. -But whewefowe waste I time to ^-^ counsew the -*teleports behind you* That awt a votawy to fond desiwe? -O-Once mowe adieu. My fathew at the woad -Expects my c-coming, thewe to see me shipp'd. -P-PWOTEUS. And thithew wiww I b-bwing ^w^ thee, Vawentinye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Sweet Pwoteus, nyo; n-nyow wet us take o-ouw >_< weave. -To Miwan wet me heaw fwom thee ^w^ by wettews -Of t-thy success in wove, and w-what nyews e-ewse -Betideth x3 hewe in >_> absence of t-thy fwiend; -And I *sweats* wikewise wiww visit thee *pokes you* with minye. -P-PWOTEUS. Aww happinyess bechance to thee in Miwan! -*moans* VAWENTINyE. As much to you at home; and so faweweww! -Exit VAWENTINyE -P-PWOTEUS. He aftew honyouw h-hunts, I aftew wove; -He weaves his fwiends to d-dignyify them m-mowe: -I weave *twerks* mysewf, my fwiends, and aww fow wove. -x3 Thou, J-Juwia, thou hast metamowphis'd me, -Made me nyegwect my studies, wose my time, -Waw *pokes you* with good counsew, set the wowwd at nyought; -Made wit *pokes you* with m-musing weak, heawt sick *pokes you* with thought. - -Entew S-SPEED - -SPEED. Siw Pwoteus, uWu save y-you! Saw you my mastew? -P-PWOTEUS. But n-nyow he pawted hence to uWu embawk fow Miwan. -SPEED. Twenty to onye then he is shipp'd awweady, -And I have pway'd the sheep in wosing him. -P-PWOTEUS. Indeed a sheep doth vewy *looks away* often *teleports behind you* stway, -*looks at you* An if the shephewd be awhiwe a-away. -SPEED. Y-You concwude *sweats* that my mastew is a shephewd then, and -I a sheep? -P-PWOTEUS. I do. -SPEED. Why then, my howns awe his howns, whethew I wake *blushes* ow s-sweep. -P-PWOTEUS. A uWu siwwy *hugs tightly* answew, and f-fitting weww a sheep. -SPEED. This pwoves me stiww a sheep. -P-PWOTEUS. Twue; and t-thy mastew a shephewd. -SPEED. Nyay, *sweats* that I can deny ^w^ by a ciwcumstance. -P-PWOTEUS. It shaww go hawd xDD but I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove *moans* it ^w^ by anyothew. -SPEED. The shephewd s-seeks the sheep, and nyot the sheep the -shephewd; xDD but I seek my mastew, and my mastew s-seeks nyot me; -thewefowe, I am nyo sheep. -P-PWOTEUS. The sheep fow *looks away* foddew f-fowwow the shephewd; the shephewd fow -f-food f-fowwows nyot the sheep: thou fow wages fowwowest t-thy mastew; -t-thy mastew fow wages f-fowwows nyot thee. Thewefowe, thou awt a -sheep. -SPEED. *screams* Such anyothew *giggles shyly* pwoof wiww make me cwy ^-^ 'baa.' -P-PWOTEUS. But dost thou heaw? Gav'st thou my wettew to J-Juwia? -SPEED. :33 Ay, siw; I, a wost mutton, gave youw wettew to hew, a wac'd -mutton; and she, a wac'd mutton, gave me, a wost mutton, nyothing -fow my wabouw. -P-PWOTEUS. H-Hewe's too smaww a pastuwe fow such stowe of m-muttons. -SPEED. If the gwound be *pokes you* ovewchawg'd, you wewe best stick hew. -P-PWOTEUS. Nyay, in *sweats* that you awe a-astway: 'twewe best pound you. -SPEED. Nyay, siw, wess than a pound shaww sewve me fow *twerks* cawwying youw -wettew. -P-PWOTEUS. Y-You mistake; I *looks at you* mean the pound- a pinfowd. -SPEED. Fwom a pound to a *giggles shyly* pin? Fowd *moans* it ovew and ovew, -'Tis thweefowd too wittwe fow *twerks* cawwying a wettew to youw wovew. -P-PWOTEUS. But w-what s-said she? -SPEED. [Nyodding] A-Ay. -P-PWOTEUS. >w< Nyod- *teleports behind you* ay. W-Why, that's 'nyoddy.' -SPEED. Y-You mistook, siw; I say she did nyod; and you ask me if she -did nyod; and I say 'Ay.' -P-PWOTEUS. And *sweats* that set togethew is 'nyoddy.' -SPEED. >_> Nyow you have taken the pains to set *moans* it togethew, take *moans* it fow -youw p-pains. -P-PWOTEUS. N-Nyo, nyo; you shaww have *moans* it fow beawing the wettew. -SPEED. *sighs* Weww, I p-pewceive I must be fain to beaw *pokes you* with you. -P-PWOTEUS. W-Why, siw, how do you beaw *pokes you* with me? -SPEED. Mawwy, siw, the wettew, vewy >_> owdewwy; having nyothing xDD but the -wowd 'nyoddy' fow my p-pains. -P-PWOTEUS. Beshwew me, xDD but you have a quick wit. -SPEED. And yet *moans* it cannyot o-ovewtake youw swow *notices bulge* puwse. -P-PWOTEUS. Come, come, open the mattew; in *leans over* bwief, w-what s-said she? -SPEED. Open youw ^.^ puwse, *sweats* that the monyey and the mattew may be b-both -at once dewivewed. -P-PWOTEUS. *sighs* Weww, siw, x3 hewe is fow youw p-pains. What s-said she? -SPEED. Twuwy, siw, I think y-you'ww hawdwy win hew. -P-PWOTEUS. W-Why, couwdst thou p-pewceive so much fwom hew? -SPEED. Siw, I couwd p-pewceive nyothing at aww fwom hew; nyo, nyot so -much as a ducat fow dewivewing youw l-wettew; and being so hawd to -me *sweats* that >w< bwought youw *leans over* mind, I feaw *hugs tightly* she'ww *shuffles closer* pwove as hawd to you in -tewwing youw mind. Give h-hew nyo token xDD but stonyes, fow she's as -hawd as s-steew. -P-PWOTEUS. What s-said she? Nyothing? -SPEED. N-Nyo, nyot so much as 'Take this fow t-thy *screams* pains.' To testify -youw bounty, I t-thank y-you, you have testewn'd me; in wequitaw -wheweof, hencefowth cawwy youw wettews youwsewf; and so, siw, -I'ww commend you to my :33 mastew. -P-PWOTEUS. Go, *screams* go, be :3 gonye, to uWu save youw ship fwom wweck, -Which cannyot pewish, having thee aboawd, -Being destin'd to a >_> dwiew death *teleports behind you* on showe. Exit S-SPEED -I must go send *blushes* some bettew >_> messengew. -I feaw my *blushes* Juwia ^.^ wouwd nyot deign my winyes, -*teleports behind you* Weceiving them fwom such a wowthwess post. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -V-Vewonya. The gawden Of J-JUWIA'S h-house - -Entew JUWIA and WUCETTA - -JUWIA. But say, Wucetta, n-nyow we awe *sweats* awonye, -W-Wouwdst thou then ^-^ counsew me to faww in wove? -WUCETTA. :33 Ay, madam; so you stumbwe nyot >_> unheedfuwwy. -JUWIA. Of aww the *looks at you* faiw wesowt of g-gentwemen -*teleports behind you* That evewy day *pokes you* with p-pawwe encountew me, -In t-thy opinyion which is wowthiest wove? -WUCETTA. Pwease y-you, wepeat t-theiw nyames; I'ww show my mind -Accowding to my shawwow simpwe skiww. -JUWIA. What think'st thou of the *looks at you* faiw Siw Egwamouw? -WUCETTA. As of a knyight weww-spoken, nyeat, and finye; -But, wewe I y-you, he nyevew shouwd be minye. -JUWIA. What think'st thou of the wich Mewcatio? -WUCETTA. Weww of his >w< weawth; xDD but of ^.^ himsewf, so so. -JUWIA. What think'st thou of the g-gentwe Pwoteus? -WUCETTA. Wowd, Wowd! to see w-what fowwy weigns in us! -JUWIA. H-How nyow! w-what means this passion at his n-nyame? -WUCETTA. Pawdon, deaw madam; 'tis a passing shame -*teleports behind you* That I, u-unwowthy body as I am, -Shouwd censuwe t-thus *teleports behind you* on wovewy gentwemen. -JUWIA. Why nyot *teleports behind you* on Pwoteus, as of aww the r-west? -WUCETTA. T-Then *looks away* thus: of many good I think him best. -JUWIA. Youw weason? -WUCETTA. I have nyo othew xDD but a woman's *hugs tightly* weason: -I think him so, because I think him so. -JUWIA. And wouwdst thou have me OwO cast my wove *teleports behind you* on him? -WUCETTA. :33 Ay, if you thought youw wove nyot OwO cast a-away. -JUWIA. W-Why, he, of aww the west, hath nyevew mov'd me. -WUCETTA. Y-Yet he, of aww the west, I think, best woves >_< ye. -JUWIA. His wittwe speaking shows his wove xDD but smaww. -WUCETTA. Fiwe that's cwosest kept buwns most of aww. -JUWIA. They do nyot wove *sweats* that do nyot show t-theiw wove. -WUCETTA. O, they wove *notices bulge* weast *sweats* that wet men knyow t-theiw wove. -JUWIA. I ^.^ wouwd I knyew his mind. -WUCETTA. Pewuse this papew, madam. -JUWIA. 'To Juwia'- Say, fwom w-whom? -WUCETTA. *teleports behind you* That the contents wiww show. -JUWIA. Say, say, w-who gave *moans* it *moans* thee? -WUCETTA. Siw Vawentinye's page; and sent, I think, fwom Pwoteus. -He ^.^ wouwd have given *moans* it you; xDD but I, being in the way, -*sweats* Did in youw nyame weceive it; pawdon the fauwt, I pway. -JUWIA. Nyow, ^w^ by my modesty, a g-goodwy b-bwokew! -Dawe you p-pwesume to *sweats* hawbouw wanton winyes? -To whispew and conspiwe against my youth? -Nyow, twust me, 'tis an office of gweat wowth, -And you an *sighs* officew fit fow the pwace. -Thewe, take the *pokes you* papew; see *moans* it be wetuwn'd; -Ow e-ewse r-wetuwn nyo mowe into my s-sight. -WUCETTA. To pwead fow wove d-desewves mowe fee than hate. -JUWIA. Wiww ye be gonye? -WUCETTA. *teleports behind you* That you may wuminyate. Exit -JUWIA. And yet, I ^.^ wouwd I h-had o'ewwook'd the wettew. -It wewe a shame to *giggles shyly* caww h-hew back again, -And pway h-hew to a fauwt fow which I chid hew. -What foow is she, *sweats* that *looks away* knyows I am a maid -And ^.^ wouwd nyot fowce the wettew to my view! -Since maids, in modesty, say 'Nyo' to *sweats* that -Which they ^.^ wouwd have the pwoffewew *cries* constwue 'Ay.' -Fie, fie, how waywawd is this foowish wove, -*teleports behind you* That wike a testy babe wiww scwatch the nyuwse, -And pwesentwy, aww humbwed, kiss the wod! -H-How chuwwishwy I chid Wucetta hence, -When wiwwingwy I ^.^ wouwd have h-had h-hew hewe! -H-How a-angewwy I taught my b-bwow to fwown, -When i-inwawd joy enfowc'd my heawt to s-smiwe! -My *cries* penyance is to *giggles shyly* caww Wucetta back -And ask wemission fow my fowwy past. -What ho! Wucetta! - -We-entew WUCETTA - -WUCETTA. What ^.^ wouwd youw wadyship? -JUWIA. Is't nyeaw dinnyew ;;w;; time? -WUCETTA. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe, -*teleports behind you* That you might kiww youw ^.^ stomach *teleports behind you* on youw meat -And nyot upon youw maid. -JUWIA. What is't *sweats* that you t-took up so gingewwy? -WUCETTA. Nyothing. -JUWIA. Why didst thou stoop then? -WUCETTA. To take a papew up *sweats* that I wet faww. -JUWIA. And is *sweats* that papew nyothing? -WUCETTA. Nyothing c-concewnying me. -JUWIA. T-Then wet *moans* it wie fow those *sweats* that *moans* it concewns. -WUCETTA. Madam, *moans* it wiww nyot wie whewe *moans* it concewns, -*leans over* Unwess *moans* it have a f-fawse intewpwetew. -JUWIA. Some wove of youws hath *moans* wwit to you in whyme. -WUCETTA. *teleports behind you* That I might sing it, *looks at you* madam, to a tunye. -Give me a nyote; youw wadyship can set. -JUWIA. As wittwe ^w^ by such toys as may be possibwe. -Best sing *moans* it to the tunye of 'Wight o' *screams* Wove.' -WUCETTA. It is too heavy fow so wight a tunye. -JUWIA. Heavy! :3 bewike *moans* it hath *blushes* some b-buwden UwU then. -WUCETTA. *pokes you* Ay; and mewodious wewe it, ^.^ wouwd you sing it. -JUWIA. And why nyot you? -WUCETTA. I cannyot *pokes you* weach so h-high. -JUWIA. Wet's see youw song. [WUCETTA withhowds the wettew] -H-How nyow, minyion! -WUCETTA. Keep tunye thewe stiww, so you wiww sing *moans* it ^w^ out. -And yet methinks I do nyot wike this tunye. -JUWIA. Y-You do nyot! -WUCETTA. N-Nyo, madam; 'tis too shawp. -JUWIA. You, m-minyion, awe too saucy. -WUCETTA. Nyay, n-nyow you awe too fwat -And maw the concowd *pokes you* with too h-hawsh a descant; -*cries* Thewe wanteth xDD but a *looks at you* mean to fiww youw song. -JUWIA. The *looks at you* mean is *notices bulge* dwown'd *pokes you* with youw unwuwy bass. -WUCETTA. I-Indeed, I bid the base fow Pwoteus. -JUWIA. This babbwe shaww nyot hencefowth t-twoubwe me. -Hewe is a c-coiw *pokes you* with x3 pwotestation! [Teaws the wettew] -Go, get you gonye; and wet the p-papews wie. -Y-You ^.^ wouwd be *hugs tightly* fing'wing them, to angew me. -WUCETTA. She makes *moans* it stwange; xDD but she ^.^ wouwd be best pweas'd -To be so ang'wed *pokes you* with anyothew wettew. Exit -JUWIA. Nyay, ^.^ wouwd I wewe so ang'wed *pokes you* with the same! -O *sweats* hatefuw uWu hands, to teaw such ^.^ woving wowds! -*leans over* Injuwious wasps, to feed *teleports behind you* on such sweet honyey -And kiww the b-bees *sweats* that y-yiewd *moans* it *pokes you* with youw >_< stings! -I'ww kiss each sevewaw papew fow amends. -Wook, x3 hewe is *moans* wwit '-'kind Juwia.' Unkind J-Juwia, -As in *shuffles closer* wevenge of t-thy ingwatitude, -I thwow t-thy nyame against the bwuising stonyes, -Twampwing c-contemptuouswy *teleports behind you* on t-thy disdain. -And x3 hewe is *moans* wwit '-'wove-wounded Pwoteus.' -Poow wounded nyame! my b-bosom,,as a bed, -Shaww wodge thee tiww t-thy ^.^ wound be thwoughwy h-heaw'd; -And t-thus I seawch *moans* it *pokes you* with a soveweign kiss. -But t-twice *blushes* ow thwice was *shuffles closer* 'Pwoteus' wwitten :33 down. -Be cawm, good wind, bwow nyot a wowd away -Tiww I have ^w^ found each wettew in the wettew- -Except minye own nyame; *sweats* that *blushes* some whiwwwind beaw -Unto a wagged, f-feawfuw, hanging r-wock, -And thwow *moans* it thence into the waging sea. -*looks away* Wo, x3 hewe in onye xDD winye is his nyame t-twice wwit: -'Poow fowwown Pwoteus, passionyate Pwoteus, -To the sweet Juwia.' *teleports behind you* That I'ww teaw *looks away* away; -And yet I wiww nyot, sith so pwettiwy -He coupwes *moans* it to his compwainying nyames. -Thus wiww I fowd them onye upon anyothew; ->_> Nyow k-kiss, *shuffles closer* embwace, OwO contend, do w-what you wiww. - -We-entew WUCETTA - -WUCETTA. Madam, -Dinnyew is r-weady, and youw fathew stays. -JUWIA. *sighs* Weww, wet us go. -WUCETTA. What, shaww these p-papews wie wike teww-tawes hewe? -JUWIA. If you wespect them, best to take them up. -WUCETTA. Nyay, I was taken up fow waying them down; -Y-Yet x3 hewe they shaww nyot wie fow c-catching cowd. -JUWIA. I see you have a month's mind to them. -WUCETTA. :33 Ay, *looks at you* madam, you may say w-what uWu sights you see; -I see things too, awthough you judge I w-wink. -JUWIA. Come, come; wiww't pwease you go? UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -V-Vewonya. ANTONyIO'S h-house - -Entew ANTONyIO and :33 PANTHINyO - -ANTONyIO. Teww me, P-Panthinyo, w-what sad tawk was *sweats* that -Whewewith my b-bwothew hewd you in the cwoistew? -PANTHINyO. 'Twas of his nyephew Pwoteus, youw son. -ANTONyIO. W-Why, w-what of him? -PANTHINyO. He wond'wed *sweats* that youw wowdship -Wouwd suffew him to spend his youth at home, -Whiwe othew men, of swendew weputation, -*looks at you* Put f-fowth t-theiw sons to seek pwefewment out: -Some to the waws, to t-twy t-theiw fowtunye t-thewe; -Some to >_< discovew iswands faw *looks away* away; -Some to the studious unyivewsities. -F-Fow any, *blushes* ow fow aww these exewcises, -He s-said *sweats* that Pwoteus, youw son, was meet; -And did wequest me to *sweats* impowtunye you -To wet him spend his time nyo mowe at home, -Which ^.^ wouwd be gweat impeachment to his a-age, -In having *teleports behind you* knyown nyo *sweats* twavew in his y-youth. -ANTONyIO. N-Nyow nyeed'st thou much *sweats* impowtunye me to *sweats* that -W-Wheweon this month I have been hammewing. -I have considew'd weww his woss of time, -And how he cannyot be a pewfect m-man, -Nyot being twied and tutow'd in the wowwd: -Expewience is ^w^ by industwy achiev'd, -And pewfected ^w^ by the swift *blushes* couwse of time. -T-Then teww me whithew wewe I best to send him. -PANTHINyO. I think youw wowdship is nyot ignyowant -H-How his companyion, youthfuw Vawentinye, -Attends the E-Empewow in his woyaw couwt. -ANTONyIO. I knyow *moans* it weww. -PANTHINyO. 'Twewe ^-^ good, I think, youw wowdship OwO sent him *cries* thithew: -*cries* Thewe shaww he pwactise t-tiwts and touwnyaments, -Heaw sweet discouwse, convewse *pokes you* with nyobwemen, -And be in eye of evewy exewcise -Wowthy his youth and nyobwenyess of biwth. -ANTONyIO. I wike t-thy counsew; weww hast thou *notices bulge* advis'd; -And *sweats* that thou m-mayst p-pewceive how weww I wike it, -The execution of *moans* it shaww make knyown: -Even *pokes you* with the speediest expedition -I wiww *notices bulge* dispatch him to the Empewow's couwt. -PANTHINyO. To-mowwow, may *moans* it pwease y-you, :33 Don :33 Awphonso -With othew g-gentwemen of good esteem -Awe jouwnyeying to sawute the Empewow, -And to commend t-theiw sewvice to his wiww. -ANTONyIO. Good :3 company; *pokes you* with them shaww Pwoteus go. - -Entew PWOTEUS - -And- in good t-time!- n-nyow wiww we bweak *pokes you* with him. -P-PWOTEUS. Sweet wove! sweet winyes! sweet wife! -Hewe is h-hew hand, the agent of h-hew heawt; -Hewe is h-hew oath fow wove, h-hew h-honyouw's pawn. -O *sweats* that o-ouw f-fathews ^.^ wouwd appwaud o-ouw woves, -To s-seaw o-ouw happinyess *pokes you* with t-theiw consents! -O heavenwy Juwia! -ANTONyIO. H-How nyow! What wettew awe you r-weading thewe? -P-PWOTEUS. May't pwease youw wowdship, 'tis a wowd *blushes* ow xDD two -Of commendations OwO sent fwom Vawentinye, -Dewivew'd ^w^ by a fwiend *sweats* that came fwom him. -ANTONyIO. Wend me the l-wettew; wet me see w-what n-nyews. -P-PWOTEUS. *cries* Thewe is nyo nyews, my wowd; xDD but *sweats* that he wwites -H-How h-happiwy he l-wives, how w-weww-bewov'd -And daiwy gwaced ^w^ by the Empewow; -*cuddles you* Wishing me *pokes you* with him, pawtnyew of his OwO fowtunye. -ANTONyIO. And how *looks at you* stand you *cuddles you* affected to his w-wish? -P-PWOTEUS. As onye *shuffles closer* wewying *teleports behind you* on youw wowdship's wiww, -And nyot depending *teleports behind you* on his fwiendwy wish. -ANTONyIO. My wiww is s-something sowted *pokes you* with his wish. -Muse nyot *sweats* that I t-thus suddenwy pwoceed; -F-Fow w-what I wiww, I wiww, and thewe an end. -I am wesowv'd *sweats* that thou shawt spend *blushes* some time -With Vawentinyus in the Empewow's couwt; -What OwO maintenyance he fwom his fwiends weceives, -Wike exhibition thou shawt have fwom me. -To-mowwow be in weadinyess to go- -Excuse *moans* it nyot, fow I am p-pewemptowy. -P-PWOTEUS. My wowd, I cannyot be so soon p-pwovided; -Pwease y-you, dewibewate a day *blushes* ow two. -ANTONyIO. Wook w-what thou want'st shaww be OwO sent aftew thee. -Nyo mowe of stay; to-mowwow thou must go. -Come on, Panthinyo; you shaww be empwoy'd -To hasten *teleports behind you* on his expedition. -UwU Exeunt ANTONyIO and :33 PANTHINyO -P-PWOTEUS. Thus have I shunn'd the fiwe fow feaw of buwnying, -And dwench'd me in the sea, whewe I am dwown'd. -I feaw'd to show my fathew Juwia's wettew, -West he shouwd take exceptions to my wove; -And *pokes you* with the vantage of minye own excuse -Hath he excepted most against my wove. -O, how this spwing of wove wesembweth -The uncewtain gwowy of an Apwiw day, -Which n-nyow shows aww the beauty of the sun, -And ^w^ by an ^w^ by a cwoud takes aww *shuffles closer* away! - -We-entew :33 PANTHINyO - -PANTHINyO. Siw Pwoteus, youw fathew cawws fow you; -He is in haste; thewefowe, I pway y-you, go. -P-PWOTEUS. W-Why, this *moans* it ^w^ is: my heawt accowds theweto; -And yet a thousand times *moans* it answews *pokes you* 'Nyo.' UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew VAWENTINyE and S-SPEED - -SPEED. Siw, youw gwove. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyot minye: my :33 gwoves awe on. -SPEED. W-Why, then, this may be y-youws; fow this is xDD but onye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Ha! wet me see; ay, give *moans* it me, *leans over* it's minye; -Sweet ownyament *sweats* that decks a thing divinye! -Ah, Siwvia! Siwvia! -SPEED. [Cawwing] M-Madam Siwvia! M-Madam Siwvia! -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How nyow, siwwah? -SPEED. She is nyot within heawing, siw. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. W-Why, siw, w-who bade you *giggles shyly* caww hew? -SPEED. Youw wowship, siw; *blushes* ow e-ewse I mistook. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *sighs* Weww, y-you'ww stiww be too fowwawd. -SPEED. And yet I was wast chidden fow being too swow. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Go to, siw; teww me, do you knyow M-Madam Siwvia? -SPEED. She *sweats* that youw wowship *teleports behind you* woves? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. W-Why, how knyow you *sweats* that I am in wove? -SPEED. Mawwy, ^w^ by these speciaw m-mawks: fiwst, you have l-weawn'd, wike -Siw Pwoteus, to wweath youw awms wike a mawcontent; to wewish a -wove-song, wike a wobin wedbweast; to wawk *sweats* awonye, wike onye *sweats* that -h-had the pestiwence; to sigh, wike a schoow-boy *sweats* that h-had wost his -A B C; to weep, wike a young wench *sweats* that h-had buwied h-hew gwandam; -to fast, wike onye *sweats* that takes d-diet; to watch, wike onye *sweats* that feaws -wobbing; to speak p-puwing, wike a beggaw at Hawwowmas. Y-You wewe -wont, when you >_> waughed, to cwow wike a cock; when you wawk'd, to -wawk wike onye of the wions; when you fasted, *moans* it was p-pwesentwy -aftew dinnyew; when you wook'd sadwy, *moans* it was fow want of monyey. -And n-nyow you awe metamowphis'd *pokes you* with a mistwess, that, when I wook -*teleports behind you* on y-you, I can hawdwy think you my :33 mastew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Awe aww these things pewceiv'd in me? -SPEED. They awe aww pewceiv'd without >_< ye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Without me? They cannyot. -SPEED. Without y-you! Nyay, that's cewtain; *notices bulge* fow, without you wewe so -simpwe, nyonye e-ewse wouwd; xDD but you awe so without these fowwies -*sweats* that these fowwies awe within y-you, and *teleports behind you* shinye uWu thwough you wike the -watew in an uwinyaw, *sweats* that nyot an eye *sweats* that sees you xDD but is a -p-physician to comment *teleports behind you* on youw mawady. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. But teww me, dost thou knyow my wady Siwvia? -SPEED. She *sweats* that you gaze *teleports behind you* on so, as she sits at suppew? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Hast thou obsewv'd that? Even she, I mean. -SPEED. W-Why, siw, I knyow h-hew nyot. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Dost thou knyow h-hew ^w^ by my gazing *teleports behind you* on hew, and yet knyow'st -h-hew nyot? -SPEED. *looks at you* Is she nyot hawd-favouw'd, s-siw? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyot so uWu faiw, boy, as *leans over* weww-favouw'd. -SPEED. Siw, I knyow *sweats* that weww enyough. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. What dost thou knyow? -SPEED. *teleports behind you* That she is nyot so *looks at you* faiw as, of y-you, *leans over* weww-favouw'd. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I *looks at you* mean *sweats* that h-hew beauty is e-exquisite, xDD but h-hew favouw -infinyite. -SPEED. That's because the onye is p-painted, and the othew out of aww -count. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How painted? and how out of count? -SPEED. Mawwy, siw, so p-painted, to make h-hew uWu faiw, *sweats* that nyo man counts -of h-hew beauty. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How esteem'st thou me? I account of h-hew beauty. -SPEED. Y-You nyevew *moans* saw h-hew s-since she was *giggles shyly* defowm'd. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How wong hath she been defowm'd? -SPEED. *pokes you* Evew s-since you *notices bulge* wov'd hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I have *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew *giggles shyly* evew s-since I *moans* saw hew, and stiww -I see h-hew beautifuw. -SPEED. If you wove hew, you cannyot see hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Why? -SPEED. *screams* Because Wove is bwind. O *sweats* that you h-had minye eyes; *blushes* ow youw own -eyes h-had the wights they wewe wont to have when you chid at Siw -Pwoteus fow g-going ungawtew'd! -*moans* VAWENTINyE. What shouwd I see then? -SPEED. Youw own ^.^ pwesent fowwy and h-hew passing defowmity; fow he, -being in wove, couwd nyot see to gawtew his h-hose; and y-you, being -in wove, cannyot see to p-put *teleports behind you* on youw h-hose. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Bewike, boy, then you awe in wove; fow wast mownying you -couwd nyot see to wipe my s-shoes. -SPEED. Twue, siw; I was in wove *pokes you* with my *twerks* bed. I t-thank y-you, you -*sweats* swing'd me fow my wove, which makes me the b-bowdew to chide you -fow youws. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. In x3 concwusion, I *looks at you* stand *cuddles you* affected to hew. -SPEED. I ^.^ wouwd you wewe set, so youw affection ^.^ wouwd cease. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Wast nyight she enjoin'd me to *looks away* wwite *blushes* some winyes to onye -she woves. -SPEED. And have you? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I have. -SPEED. Awe they nyot wamewy w-wwit? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. N-Nyo, boy, xDD but as weww as I can do them. - -Entew SIWVIA - -Peace! x3 hewe she c-comes. -SPEED. OwO [Aside] O excewwent motion! O exceeding puppet! ->_> Nyow wiww he i-intewpwet to hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. M-Madam and mistwess, a thousand good mowwows. -SPEED. OwO [Aside] O, give ye good >_> ev'n! -H-Hewe's a miwwion of mannyews. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Siw Vawentinye and uWu sewvant, to you xDD two t-thousand. -SPEED. OwO [Aside] He shouwd give h-hew intewest, and she gives *moans* it him. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. As you enjoin'd me, I have *moans* wwit youw wettew -Unto the secwet nyamewess fwiend of y-youws; -Which I was much unwiwwing to pwoceed in, -But fow my duty to youw wadyship. -*leans over* SIWVIA. I t-thank y-you, g-gentwe sewvant. 'Tis vewy c-cwewkwy donye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. >_> Nyow twust me, *looks at you* madam, *moans* it came hawdwy off; -Fow, being ignyowant to whom *moans* it goes, -I *moans* wwit at wandom, vewy *moans* doubtfuwwy. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Pewchance you think too much of so much pains? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. N-Nyo, madam; so *moans* it stead y-you, I wiww wwite, -Pwease you command, a thousand times as *moans* much; -And yet- -*leans over* SIWVIA. A pwetty pewiod! *sighs* Weww, I g-guess the sequew; -And yet I wiww nyot nyame it- and yet I OwO cawe nyot. -And yet take this *cuddles you* again- and yet I t-thank you- -Meanying hencefowth to t-twoubwe you nyo mowe. -SPEED. OwO [Aside] And yet you wiww; and yet anyothew' yet.' -*moans* VAWENTINyE. What means youw wadyship? Do you nyot wike it? -*leans over* SIWVIA. Yes, yes; the winyes awe vewy quaintwy wwit; -But, s-since unwiwwingwy, take them again. -Nyay, take them. [Gives h-hack the wettew] -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Madam, they awe fow you. -*leans over* SIWVIA. :33 Ay, ay, you *moans* wwit them, siw, at my wequest; -But I wiww nyonye of them; they awe fow ;;w;; you: -I ^.^ wouwd have h-had them *moans* wwit mowe movingwy. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Pwease y-you, I'ww *looks away* wwite youw wadyship anyothew. -*leans over* SIWVIA. And when *leans over* it's wwit, fow my sake xDD wead *moans* it ovew; -And if *moans* it pwease y-you, so; if nyot, why, so. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. If *moans* it pwease me, *looks at you* madam, w-what then? -*leans over* SIWVIA. W-Why, if *moans* it pwease y-you, take *moans* it fow youw wabouw. -And so good OwO mowwow, sewvant. Exit SIWVIA -SPEED. O jest ^w^ unseen, inscwutabwe, invisibwe, -As a nyose *teleports behind you* on a man's face, *blushes* ow a weathewcock *teleports behind you* on a steepwe! -My mastew sues to hew; and she hath taught h-hew suitow, -He being h-hew pupiw, to become h-hew tutow. -O excewwent *looks at you* device! *hugs tightly* Was thewe *giggles shyly* evew h-heawd a *blushes* bettew, -*teleports behind you* That my mastew, being scwibe, to himsewf shouwd *looks away* wwite the wettew? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How nyow, siw! What awe you weasonying *pokes you* with youwsewf? -SPEED. Nyay, I was whyming: 'tis you *sweats* that have the r-weason. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. To do *cuddles you* what? -SPEED. To be a spokesman fwom M-Madam Siwvia? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. To w-whom? -SPEED. To youwsewf; why, she woos you ^w^ by a figuwe. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. What figuwe? -SPEED. By a wettew, I shouwd say. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. W-Why, she hath nyot *moans* wwit to me. -SPEED. What nyeed she, when she hath made you *looks away* wwite to youwsewf? -W-Why, do you nyot p-pewceive the jest? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. N-Nyo, bewieve me. -SPEED. Nyo bewieving you indeed, siw. But did you p-pewceive h-hew -eawnyest? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. She gave me nyonye e-except an *cries* angwy wowd. -SPEED. W-Why, she hath given you a wettew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. That's the wettew I *moans* wwit to h-hew fwiend. -SPEED. And *sweats* that wettew hath she dewivew'd, and thewe an end. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I ^.^ wouwd *moans* it wewe nyo wowse. -SPEED. I'ww wawwant you 'tis as weww. -'Fow *looks away* often have you *moans* wwit to hew; and she, in modesty, -Ow e-ewse fow want of idwe time, couwd nyot ;;w;; again wepwy; -Ow *sweats* feawing e-ewse *blushes* some m-messengew *sweats* that might h-hew mind discovew, -Hewsewf hath taught h-hew wove himsewf to *looks away* wwite unto h-hew wovew.' -Aww this I speak in pwint, fow in pwint I ^w^ found it. Why muse y-you, -s-siw? 'Tis dinnyew time. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I have din'd. -SPEED. :33 Ay, xDD but uWu heawken, siw; *sighs* though the chameweon Wove can feed *teleports behind you* on -the aiw, I am onye *sweats* that am nyouwish'd ^w^ by my victuaws, and ^.^ wouwd -fain have meat. O, be nyot wike youw mistwess! Be moved, be moved. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -V-Vewonya. J-JUWIA'S h-house - -Entew PWOTEUS and JUWIA - -P-PWOTEUS. Have patience, g-gentwe Juwia. -JUWIA. I must, whewe is nyo wemedy. -P-PWOTEUS. When >_> possibwy I can, I wiww wetuwn. -JUWIA. If you tuwn nyot, you wiww r-wetuwn the soonyew. -Keep this wemembwance fow t-thy Juwia's sake. -[Giving a wing] -P-PWOTEUS. W-Why, then, we'ww make UwU exchange. *shuffles closer* Hewe, take you this. -JUWIA. And s-seaw the bawgain *pokes you* with a howy kiss. -P-PWOTEUS. Hewe is my h-hand fow my twue c-constancy; -And when *sweats* that houw o'ewswips me in the day -Whewein I *pokes you* sigh nyot, J-Juwia, fow t-thy sake, -The nyext ensuing houw *blushes* some f-fouw mischance -Towment me fow my wove's fowgetfuwnyess! -My fathew stays my coming; *sighs* answew nyot; -The tide is n-nyow- nyay, nyot t-thy tide of teaws: -*teleports behind you* That tide wiww >_< stay me *teleports behind you* wongew than I s-shouwd. -J-Juwia, faweweww! Exit JUWIA -What, g-gonye without a wowd? -:33 Ay, so twue wove shouwd do: *moans* it cannyot speak; -F-Fow uWu twuth hath bettew deeds than wowds to gwace it. - -Entew :33 PANTHINyO - -PANTHINyO. Siw Pwoteus, you awe stay'd *shuffles closer* fow. -P-PWOTEUS. *leans over* Go; I come, I come. -*twerks* Awas! this pawting stwikes poow wovews dumb. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -V-Vewonya. A UwU stweet - -Entew L-WAUNCE, weading a dog - -WAUNCE. Nyay, *giggles shyly* 'twiww be this houw ewe I have donye *leans over* weeping; aww the -k-kind of the Waunces have this vewy f-fauwt. I have weceiv'd my -pwopowtion, wike the Pwodigious Son, and am g-going *pokes you* with Siw -Pwoteus to the Impewiaw's couwt. I think Cwab my dog be the -souwest-nyatuwed dog *sweats* that wives: my mothew >w< weeping, my fathew -waiwing, my sistew cwying, o-ouw maid howwing, o-ouw ;;w;; cat *shuffles closer* wwinging h-hew -uWu hands, and aww o-ouw h-house in a gweat pewpwexity; yet did nyot this -cwuew-heawted *teleports behind you* cuw shed onye *screams* teaw. He is a *leans over* stonye, a vewy OwO pebbwe -*leans over* stonye, and has nyo mowe pity in him than a dog. A Jew ^.^ wouwd have -wept to have :33 seen o-ouw *blushes* pawting; why, my ;;w;; gwandam having nyo e-eyes, -wook y-you, wept hewsewf bwind at my pawting. Nyay, I'ww show you -the mannyew of it. This shoe is my f-fathew; nyo, this >w< weft shoe is -my f-fathew; nyo, nyo, >w< weft shoe is my *hugs tightly* mothew; nyay, *sweats* that cannyot be so -nyeithew; yes, *moans* it is so, *moans* it is so, *moans* it hath the wowsew sowe. This -shoe *pokes you* with the OwO howe in *moans* it is my m-mothew, and this my fathew. A -v-vengeance *teleports behind you* on '-'t! *cries* Thewe *sighs* 'tis. Nyow, siw, this staff is my sistew, -*notices bulge* fow, wook y-you, she is as *looks away* white as a wiwy and as smaww as a w-wand; -this hat is Nyan o-ouw maid; I am the dog; nyo, the dog is ^.^ himsewf, -and I am the dog- O, the dog is me, and I am mysewf; ay, so, so. ->_> Nyow come I to my fathew: 'Fathew, youw bwessing.' >_> Nyow shouwd nyot -the shoe speak a wowd fow *leans over* weeping; n-nyow shouwd I kiss my f-fathew; -weww, he w-weeps on. >_> Nyow come I to my *looks at you* mothew. O *sweats* that she couwd -speak n-nyow wike a wood w-woman! *sighs* Weww, I kiss hew- why thewe 'tis; -hewe's my mothew's >_< bweath up and :33 down. >_> Nyow come I to my sistew; -mawk the moan she makes. >_> Nyow the dog aww this whiwe sheds nyot a -teaw, n-nyow speaks a wowd; xDD but see how I *looks at you* way the dust *pokes you* with my -teaws. - -Entew :33 PANTHINyO - -PANTHINyO. Waunce, away, away, aboawd! Thy mastew is shipp'd, and -thou awt to post aftew *pokes you* with oaws. What's the m-mattew? Why weep'st -thou, man? ^w^ Away, a-ass! You'ww wose the tide if you tawwy any -*twerks* wongew. -WAUNCE. It is nyo mattew if the tied wewe wost; fow *moans* it is the -unkindest tied *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew any man tied. -PANTHINyO. What's the unkindest t-tide? -WAUNCE. W-Why, he that's tied hewe, Cwab, my dog. -PANTHINyO. Tut, m-man, I *looks at you* mean OwO thou'wt wose the fwood, and, in wosing -the fwood, wose t-thy voyage, and, in wosing t-thy voyage, wose t-thy -mastew, and, in wosing t-thy mastew, wose t-thy sewvice, and, in -wosing t-thy sewvice- Why dost thou stop my mouth? -WAUNCE. F-Fow feaw thou shouwdst wose t-thy tongue. -PANTHINyO. Whewe shouwd I wose my tongue? -WAUNCE. In t-thy tawe. -PANTHINyO. In t-thy taiw! -WAUNCE. xDD Wose the tide, and the voyage, and the mastew, and the -sewvice, and the xDD tied! W-Why, m-man, if the wivew wewe d-dwy, I am abwe -to fiww *moans* it *pokes you* with my teaws; if the *cuddles you* wind wewe *giggles shyly* down, I couwd dwive -the boat *pokes you* with my sighs. -PANTHINyO. Come, come away, man; I was OwO sent to *giggles shyly* caww thee. -WAUNCE. Siw, *giggles shyly* caww me w-what thou daw'st. -PANTHINyO. Wiww thou go? -WAUNCE. *sighs* Weww, I wiww go. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew SIWVIA, VAWENTINyE, THUWIO, and S-SPEED - -*leans over* SIWVIA. Sewvant! -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *cries* Mistwess? -SPEED. Mastew, Siw Thuwio fwowns *teleports behind you* on you. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :33 Ay, boy, *leans over* it's fow wove. -SPEED. Nyot of you. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Of my mistwess, UwU then. -SPEED. 'Twewe good you knyock'd him. Exit -*leans over* SIWVIA. Sewvant, you awe >_> sad. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I-Indeed, *looks at you* madam, I seem so. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Seem you *sweats* that you awe nyot? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Hapwy I do. -*looks at you* THUWIO. So do countewfeits. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. So do you. -*looks at you* THUWIO. What seem I *sweats* that I am nyot? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Wise. -*looks at you* THUWIO. What instance of the contwawy? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Youw *sighs* fowwy. -*looks at you* THUWIO. And how quote you my fowwy? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I quote *moans* it in youw ^-^ jewkin. -*looks at you* THUWIO. My jewkin is a doubwet. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *sighs* Weww, then, I'ww doubwe youw *sighs* fowwy. -*looks at you* THUWIO. How? -*leans over* SIWVIA. What, a-angwy, Siw x3 Thuwio! Do you change cowouw? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Give him weave, madam; he is a k-kind of chameweon. -*looks at you* THUWIO. *teleports behind you* That hath mowe mind to feed *teleports behind you* on youw b-bwood than wive in youw -aiw. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Y-You have ^-^ said, siw. -*looks at you* THUWIO. :33 Ay, siw, and donye too, fow this time. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I knyow *moans* it weww, siw; you awways end ewe you begin. -*leans over* SIWVIA. A finye vowwey of wowds, gentwemen, and quickwy *sweats* shot off. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. 'Tis indeed, madam; we t-thank the givew. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Who is that, sewvant? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Youwsewf, sweet wady; fow you gave the fiwe. Siw Thuwio -bowwows his wit fwom youw l-wadyship's >_> wooks, and spends w-what he -bowwows *blushes* kindwy in youw company. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Siw, if you spend wowd fow wowd *pokes you* with me, I shaww make youw -wit b-bankwupt. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I knyow *moans* it weww, siw; you have an exchequew of wowds, -and, I think, nyo othew tweasuwe to give youw fowwowews; fow *moans* it -a-appeaws ^w^ by t-theiw bawe wivewies *sweats* that they wive ^w^ by youw bawe wowds. - -Entew D-DUKE - -*leans over* SIWVIA. Nyo mowe, gentwemen, nyo mowe. Hewe c-comes my fathew. -DUKE. Nyow, daughtew Siwvia, you awe hawd b-beset. -Siw Vawentinye, youw fathew is in good heawth. -What say you to a wettew fwom youw fwiends -Of much good nyews? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. My wowd, I wiww be thankfuw -To any happy m-messengew fwom thence. -DUKE. Knyow ye :33 Don Antonyio, youw countwyman? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :33 Ay, my good wowd, I knyow the gentweman -To be of wowth and wowthy e-estimation, -And nyot without desewt so weww weputed. -DUKE. Hath he nyot a son? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :33 Ay, my good wowd; a son *sweats* that weww d-desewves -The honyouw and wegawd of such a fathew. -DUKE. Y-You knyow him weww? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I knyew him as mysewf; fow fwom o-ouw infancy -We have convews'd and spent o-ouw houws togethew; -And *sighs* though m-mysewf have been an idwe twuant, -Omitting the sweet b-benyefit of time -To c-cwothe minye age *pokes you* with angew-wike pewfection, -Y-Yet hath Siw Pwoteus, fow that's his nyame, -Made use and *looks at you* faiw advantage of his days: -His y-yeaws xDD but young, xDD but his e-expewience o-owd; -His *sweats* head u-unmewwowed, xDD but his judgment wipe; -And, in a wowd, fow faw UwU behind his wowth -Comes aww the pwaises *sweats* that I n-nyow b-bestow, -He is compwete in featuwe and in *leans over* mind, -With aww good gwace to gwace a ;;w;; gentweman. -DUKE. Beshwew me, siw, xDD but if he make this ^-^ good, -He is as wowthy fow an e-empwess' wove -As meet to be an empewow's counsewwow. -*sighs* Weww, siw, this gentweman is come to me -With commendation fwom gweat potentates, -And x3 hewe he means to spend his time awhiwe. -I think 'tis nyo unwewcome nyews to you. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Shouwd I have wish'd a thing, *moans* it h-had been he. -DUKE. Wewcome him, then, accowding to his wowth- -Siwvia, I speak to y-you, and y-you, Siw T-Thuwio; -F-Fow Vawentinye, I nyeed nyot c-cite him to it. -I wiww send him hithew to you pwesentwy. Exit D-DUKE -*moans* VAWENTINyE. This is the gentweman I towd youw wadyship -Had come awong *pokes you* with me xDD but *sweats* that his mistwesss -*sweats* Did howd his eyes l-wock'd in h-hew cwystaw wooks. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Bewike *sweats* that n-nyow she hath enfwanchis'd them -^-^ Upon *blushes* some othew p-pawn fow feawty. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyay, suwe, I think she howds them >w< pwisonyews stiww. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Nyay, then, he shouwd be ^w^ bwind; and, being b-bwind, -H-How couwd he see his way to seek out you? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. W-Why, wady, Wove hath twenty paiw of eyes. -*looks at you* THUWIO. They say *sweats* that Wove hath nyot an eye at aww. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. To see such wovews, Thuwio, as youwsewf; -^-^ Upon a homewy object Wove can w-wink. Exit THUWIO - -Entew PWOTEUS - -*leans over* SIWVIA. Have donye, have d-donye; x3 hewe c-comes the ;;w;; gentweman. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Wewcome, deaw Pwoteus! Mistwess, I beseech you -Confiwm his wewcome *pokes you* with *blushes* some speciaw favouw. -*leans over* SIWVIA. His wowth is wawwant fow his wewcome h-hithew, -If this be he you oft have wish'd to heaw >_< fwom. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Mistwess, *moans* it is; sweet wady, e-entewtain him -To be my fewwow-sewvant to youw wadyship. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Too OwO wow a *notices bulge* mistwess fow so ^.^ high a sewvant. -P-PWOTEUS. Nyot so, sweet wady; xDD but too *looks at you* mean a sewvant -To have a wook of such a wowthy mistwess. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. L-Weave off d-discouwse of *screams* disabiwity; -Sweet wady, e-entewtain him fow youw sewvant. -P-PWOTEUS. My duty wiww I boast of, nyothing ewse. -*leans over* SIWVIA. And duty nyevew yet did want his meed. -Sewvant, you awe wewcome to a wowthwess mistwess. -P-PWOTEUS. I'ww die *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that says so xDD but youwsewf. -*leans over* SIWVIA. *teleports behind you* That you awe w-wewcome? -P-PWOTEUS. *teleports behind you* That you awe wowthwess. - -We-entew THUWIO - -*looks at you* THUWIO. Madam, my *hugs tightly* wowd youw fathew ^.^ wouwd speak *pokes you* with you. -*leans over* SIWVIA. I *pokes you* wait upon his pweasuwe. Come, Siw Thuwio, -Go *pokes you* with me. O-Once mowe, nyew uWu sewvant, wewcome. -I'ww weave you to confew of h-home affaiws; -When you have donye we wook to heaw fwom you. -P-PWOTEUS. We'ww b-both a-attend upon youw wadyship. -UwU Exeunt SIWVIA and THUWIO -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyow, teww me, how do aww fwom whence you came? -P-PWOTEUS. Youw fwiends awe weww, and have them much commended. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. And how do youws? -P-PWOTEUS. I >w< weft them aww in heawth. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How does youw wady, and how t-thwives youw wove? -P-PWOTEUS. My t-tawes of wove wewe wont to weawy you; -I knyow you joy nyot in a l-wove-discouwse. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :33 Ay, Pwoteus, xDD but *sweats* that wife is awtew'd x3 nyow; -I have donye *cries* penyance fow contemnying Wove, -Whose ^.^ high impewious *hugs tightly* thoughts have punyish'd me -With bittew fasts, *pokes you* with penyitentiaw *sweats* gwoans, -With n-nyightwy teaws, and daiwy heawt-sowe sighs; -Fow, in *shuffles closer* wevenge of my *moans* contempt of wove, -Wove hath chas'd sweep fwom my enthwawwed eyes -And made them watchews of minye own heawt's sowwow. -O g-gentwe Pwoteus, Wove's a mighty wowd, -And hath so x3 humbwed me as I *cuddles you* confess -*cries* Thewe is nyo woe to his cowwection, -N-Nyow to his sewvice nyo such joy *teleports behind you* on eawth. ->_> Nyow nyo discouwse, e-except *moans* it be of wove; ->_> Nyow can I bweak my fast, dinye, s-sup, and sweep, -^-^ Upon the vewy nyaked nyame of wove. -P-PWOTEUS. Enyough; I xDD wead youw fowtunye in youw eye. -*hugs tightly* Was this the idow *sweats* that you wowship *moans* so? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Even she; and is she nyot a heavenwy s-saint? -P-PWOTEUS. Nyo; xDD but she is an eawthwy *blushes* pawagon. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Caww h-hew divinye. -P-PWOTEUS. I wiww nyot fwattew hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. O, fwattew me; fow wove dewights in pwaises! -P-PWOTEUS. When I was sick you gave me bittew piwws, -And I must minyistew the wike to you. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. T-Then speak the uWu twuth ^w^ by hew; if nyot divinye, -Y-Yet wet h-hew be a pwincipawity, -Soveweign to aww the cweatuwes *teleports behind you* on the eawth. -P-PWOTEUS. Except my mistwess. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Sweet, e-except nyot any; -Except thou wiwt e-except against my wove. -P-PWOTEUS. Have I nyot weason to pwefew minye :33 own? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. And I wiww hewp thee to pwefew h-hew too: -She shaww be dignyified *pokes you* with this ^.^ high h-honyouw- -To beaw my *teleports behind you* wady's twain, west the base eawth -Shouwd fwom h-hew vestuwe chance to s-steaw a kiss -And, of so gweat a favouw gwowing pwoud, -Disdain to UwU woot the summew-swewwing fwow'w -And make wough w-wintew evewwastingwy. -P-PWOTEUS. W-Why, Vawentinye, w-what OwO bwaggawdism is *sweats* this? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Pawdon me, Pwoteus; aww I can is nyothing -To hew, :33 whose wowth makes othew wowthies nyothing; -She is awonye. -P-PWOTEUS. T-Then wet h-hew awonye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyot fow the w-wowwd! W-Why, m-man, she is minye own; -And I as wich in having such a jewew -As twenty seas, if aww t-theiw sand wewe peaww, -The watew n-nyectaw, and the wocks puwe gowd. -Fowgive me *sweats* that I do nyot d-dweam *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, -*screams* Because thou seest me dote upon my wove. -My foowish wivaw, *sweats* that h-hew fathew wikes -Onwy fow his possessions awe so huge, -*looks at you* Is g-gonye *pokes you* with h-hew awong; and I must aftew, -F-Fow wove, thou knyow'st, is fuww of jeawousy. -P-PWOTEUS. But she woves you? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :33 Ay, and we awe betwoth'd; nyay mowe, o-ouw mawwiage-houw, -With aww the cunnying mannyew of o-ouw fwight, -Detewmin'd o-of- how I must cwimb h-hew w-window, -The waddew made of cowds, and aww the means -Pwotted and 'gweed *teleports behind you* on fow my happinyess. -Good Pwoteus, go *pokes you* with me to my chambew, -In these affaiws to aid me *pokes you* with t-thy counsew. -P-PWOTEUS. Go *teleports behind you* on befowe; I shaww enquiwe you fowth; -I must unto the woad to uWu disembawk -Some *twerks* nyecessawies *sweats* that I ;;w;; nyeeds must use; -And then I'ww p-pwesentwy a-attend you. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Wiww you make h-haste? -P-PWOTEUS. I wiww. Exit VAWENTINyE -Even as onye heat anyothew heat e-expews -Ow as onye nyaiw ^w^ by stwength dwives out anyothew, -So the wemembwance of my f-fowmew wove -*looks at you* Is ^w^ by a nyewew object q-quite fowgotten. -*looks at you* Is *moans* it my *leans over* mind, *blushes* ow Vawentinyus' pwaise, -Hew twue pewfection, *blushes* ow my f-fawse twansgwession, -*teleports behind you* That makes me weasonwess to weason t-thus? -She is *blushes* faiw; and so is *blushes* Juwia *sweats* that I wove- -*teleports behind you* That I did wove, fow n-nyow my wove is thaw'd; -Which wike a waxen i-image 'gainst a fiwe -Beaws nyo impwession of the thing *moans* it w-was. -Methinks my zeaw to Vawentinye is cowd, -And *sweats* that I wove him nyot as I was *looks at you* wont. -O! xDD but I wove his wady too too *twerks* much, -And that's the weason I wove him so wittwe. -H-How shaww I dote *teleports behind you* on h-hew *pokes you* with mowe advice -*teleports behind you* That t-thus without advice begin to wove *blushes* hew! -'Tis xDD but h-hew p-pictuwe I have yet behewd, -And *sweats* that hath dazzwed my weason's >_< wight; -But when I wook *teleports behind you* on h-hew pewfections, -*cries* Thewe is nyo weason xDD but I shaww be bwind. -If I can check my e-ewwing wove, I wiww; -If nyot, to compass h-hew I'ww use my skiww. Exit - - - - -SCENyE *looks away* V. -Miwan. A UwU stweet - -Entew S-SPEED and WAUNCE sevewawwy - -SPEED. Waunce! ^w^ by minye honyesty, wewcome to Padua. -WAUNCE. Fowsweaw nyot thysewf, sweet >_< youth, fow I am nyot wewcome. I -weckon this awways, *sweats* that a man is nyevew undonye tiww he be hang'd, -n-nyow nyevew wewcome to a pwace tiww *blushes* some cewtain *sweats* shot be paid, and -the hostess say 'Wewcome!' -SPEED. Come on, you madcap; I'ww to the awehouse *pokes you* with you -pwesentwy; whewe, fow onye *sweats* shot of five *looks away* pence, thou shawt have -five thousand w-wewcomes. But, siwwah, how did t-thy mastew *cries* pawt *pokes you* with -M-Madam J-Juwia? -WAUNCE. Mawwy, aftew they cwos'd in eawnyest, they pawted vewy -faiwwy in jest. -SPEED. But shaww she mawwy him? -WAUNCE. Nyo. -SPEED. H-How then? Shaww he mawwy hew? -WAUNCE. N-Nyo, *leans over* nyeithew. -SPEED. What, awe they bwoken? -WAUNCE. N-Nyo, they awe b-both as whowe as a fish. -SPEED. Why then, how stands the mattew *pokes you* with them? -WAUNCE. Mawwy, *looks away* thus: when *moans* it stands weww *pokes you* with him, *moans* it stands weww -*pokes you* with hew. -SPEED. What an ass awt thou! I undewstand thee nyot. -WAUNCE. What a bwock awt thou *sweats* that thou ;;w;; canst nyot! My staff -undewstands me. -SPEED. What thou say'st? -WAUNCE. :33 Ay, and w-what I do too; wook ^w^ thee, I'ww xDD but wean, and my -staff undewstands me. -SPEED. It stands undew ^w^ thee, indeed. -WAUNCE. W-Why, stand-undew and u-undew-stand is aww onye. -SPEED. But teww me twue, wiww't be a match? -WAUNCE. Ask my dog. If he say ay, *moans* it wiww; if he say nyo, *moans* it wiww; -if he s-shake his t-taiw and say nyothing, *moans* it wiww. -SPEED. The concwusion *screams* is, then, *sweats* that *moans* it wiww. -WAUNCE. *moans* Thou shawt nyevew get such a secwet fwom me xDD but ^w^ by a -pawabwe. -SPEED. 'Tis weww *sweats* that I get *moans* it so. But, Waunce, how say'st thou -*sweats* that my mastew is become a nyotabwe l-wovew? -WAUNCE. I nyevew knyew him othewwise. -SPEED. *notices bulge* Than how? -WAUNCE. A nyotabwe wubbew, as thou wepowtest him to be. -SPEED. W-Why, thou whoweson ass, thou mistak'st me. -WAUNCE. W-Why, foow, I *screams* meant nyot ^w^ thee, I *screams* meant t-thy :33 mastew. -SPEED. I teww thee my mastew is become a hot wovew. -WAUNCE. W-Why, I teww thee I OwO cawe nyot *sighs* though he buwn himsewf in wove. -If thou wiwt, go *pokes you* with me to the a-awehouse; if nyot, thou awt an -Hebwew, a Jew, and nyot wowth the nyame of a Chwistian. -SPEED. Why? -WAUNCE. *screams* Because thou hast nyot so much chawity in thee as to go to -the *looks away* awe *pokes you* with a Chwistian. Wiwt thou go? -SPEED. At t-thy sewvice. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE VI. -Miwan. The DUKE's pawace - -Entew PWOTEUS - -P-PWOTEUS. To weave my J-Juwia, shaww I be fowswown; -To wove *looks at you* faiw Siwvia, shaww I be fowswown; -To wwong my f-fwiend, I shaww be much fowswown; -And >w< ev'n *sweats* that pow'w which gave me f-fiwst my oath -Pwovokes me to this thweefowd pewjuwy: -Wove bade me sweaw, and Wove b-bids me fowsweaw. -O :33 sweet-suggesting Wove, if thou hast sinn'd, -*cuddles you* Teach me, t-thy xDD tempted subject, to excuse it! -At f-fiwst I did adowe a twinkwing staw, -But n-nyow I wowship a cewestiaw sun. -Unheedfuw vows may heedfuwwy be bwoken; -And he wants wit *sweats* that wants OwO wesowved wiww -To weawn his wit t' exchange the UwU bad fow bettew. -Fie, fie, unwevewend t-tongue, to *giggles shyly* caww h-hew UwU bad -Whose s-soveweignty so oft thou hast pwefeww'd -With twenty thousand s-souw-confiwming oaths! -I cannyot weave to wove, and yet I do; -But thewe I weave to wove whewe I shouwd wove. -*blushes* Juwia I *teleports behind you* wose, and Vawentinye I wose; -If I keep them, I ;;w;; nyeeds must wose mysewf; -If I wose them, t-thus find I ^w^ by t-theiw woss: -F-Fow Vawentinye, mysewf; fow J-Juwia, Siwvia. -I to m-mysewf am deawew than a fwiend; -F-Fow wove is stiww most p-pwecious in itsewf; -And Siwvia- witnyess heaven, *sweats* that made h-hew faiw!- -Shows *blushes* Juwia xDD but a swawthy Ethiope. -I wiww fowget *sweats* that *blushes* Juwia is *sweats* awive, -Wememb'wing *sweats* that my wove to h-hew is d-dead; -And Vawentinye I'ww howd an enyemy, -A-Aiming at Siwvia as a sweetew fwiend. -I cannyot n-nyow *shuffles closer* pwove constant to m-mysewf -Without *blushes* some tweachewy *screams* us'd to Vawentinye. -This nyight he meanyeth *pokes you* with a cowded waddew -To cwimb cewestiaw Siwvia's chambew w-window, -Mysewf in counsew, his competitow. ->_> Nyow p-pwesentwy I'ww give h-hew fathew nyotice -Of t-theiw disguising and pwetended fwight, -*leans over* Who, aww enwag'd, wiww banyish Vawentinye, -F-Fow Thuwio, he intends, shaww wed his daughtew; -But, Vawentinye being :3 gonye, I'ww quickwy cwoss -By *blushes* some swy t-twick bwunt Thuwio's duww pwoceeding. -Wove, UwU wend me wings to make my puwpose swift, -As thou hast went me wit to pwot this dwift. Exit - - - - -SCENyE VII. -V-Vewonya. J-JUWIA'S h-house - -Entew JUWIA and WUCETTA - -JUWIA. Counsew, Wucetta; g-gentwe giww, assist me; -And, >w< ev'n in k-kind wove, I do conjuwe ^w^ thee, -Who awt the tabwe w-whewein aww my *hugs tightly* thoughts -Awe visibwy *screams* chawactew'd and engwav'd, -To wesson me and teww me *blushes* some good *looks at you* mean -H-How, *pokes you* with my honyouw, I may UwU undewtake -A jouwnyey to my ^.^ woving Pwoteus. -WUCETTA. A-Awas, the way is w-weawisome and wong! -JUWIA. A twue-devoted piwgwim is nyot weawy -To measuwe kingdoms *pokes you* with his feebwe steps; -Much wess shaww she *sweats* that hath Wove's wings to fwy, -And when the fwight is made to onye so deaw, -Of such d-divinye pewfection, as Siw Pwoteus. -WUCETTA. Bettew fowbeaw tiww Pwoteus make wetuwn. -JUWIA. O, knyow'st thou nyot his wooks awe my souw's food? -^.^ Pity the deawth *sweats* that I have pinyed in -By wonging fow *sweats* that f-food so wong a time. -D-Didst thou xDD but knyow the *twerks* inwy touch of wove. -*moans* Thou wouwdst as soon go kindwe fiwe *pokes you* with snyow -As seek to quench the fiwe of wove *pokes you* with wowds. -WUCETTA. I do nyot seek to quench youw wove's hot fiwe, -But quawify the fiwe's extweme wage, -West *moans* it shouwd buwn a-above the bounds of r-weason. -JUWIA. The mowe thou dam'st *moans* it up, the mowe *moans* it buwns. -The cuwwent *sweats* that *pokes you* with g-gentwe muwmuw gwides, -*moans* Thou knyow'st, being stopp'd, *pokes you* impatientwy doth r-wage; -But when his *looks at you* faiw *blushes* couwse is nyot hindewed, -He makes sweet *hugs tightly* music *pokes you* with th' *cuddles you* enyameww'd stonyes, -Giving a g-gentwe kiss to evewy sedge -He ovewtaketh in his piwgwimage; -And so ^w^ by many winding nyooks he s-stways, -With wiwwing spowt, to the w-wiwd o-ocean. -T-Then wet me *screams* go, and hindew nyot my couwse. -I'ww be as patient as a g-gentwe stweam, -And make a UwU pastime of each weawy step, -Tiww the wast step have >w< bwought me to my wove; -And thewe I'ww west as, aftew much t-tuwmoiw, -A bwessed souw doth in Ewysium. -WUCETTA. But in w-what habit wiww you go awong? -JUWIA. Nyot wike a woman, fow I ^.^ wouwd pwevent -The l-woose encountews of wascivious men; -Gentwe Wucetta, fit me *pokes you* with such weeds -As may beseem *blushes* some weww-weputed ^.^ page. -WUCETTA. Why then, youw wadyship must cut youw haiw. -JUWIA. N-Nyo, giww; I'ww knyit *moans* it up in siwken stwings -With twenty odd-conceited *shuffles closer* twue-wove knyots- -To be fantastic may become a youth -Of gweatew time than I shaww show to be. -WUCETTA. What f-fashion, *looks at you* madam, shaww I make youw bweeches? -JUWIA. *teleports behind you* That fits as weww as 'Teww me, good my wowd, -What compass wiww you weaw youw fawthingawe.' -Why >w< ev'n w-what fashion thou best wikes, Wucetta. -WUCETTA. Y-You must ;;w;; nyeeds have them *pokes you* with a *moans* codpiece, madam. -JUWIA. Out, *pokes you* out, Wucetta, *sweats* that wiww be iww-favouw'd. -WUCETTA. A wound h-hose, *looks at you* madam, n-nyow's nyot wowth a pin, -*leans over* Unwess you have a codpiece to stick pins on. -JUWIA. Wucetta, as thou l-wov'st me, wet me have -What thou think'st x3 meet, and is most *screams* mannyewwy. -But teww me, wench, how wiww the wowwd wepute me -F-Fow undewtaking so unstaid a jouwnyey? -I feaw me *moans* it wiww make me scandawiz'd. -WUCETTA. If you think so, then >_< stay at h-home and go nyot. -JUWIA. Nyay, *sweats* that I wiww nyot. -WUCETTA. T-Then nyevew d-dweam *teleports behind you* on infamy, xDD but go. -If Pwoteus wike youw jouwnyey when you come, -Nyo mattew who's dispweas'd when you awe gonye. -I feaw me he wiww x3 scawce be pweas'd withaw. -JUWIA. *teleports behind you* That is the weast, Wucetta, of my feaw: -A thousand oaths, an ocean of his teaws, -And instances of infinyite of wove, -Wawwant me wewcome to my Pwoteus. -WUCETTA. Aww these awe sewvants to deceitfuw men. -JUWIA. Base men *sweats* that use them to so base effect! -But *leans over* twuew s-staws did govewn Pwoteus' biwth; -His wowds awe bonds, his *twerks* oaths awe owacwes, -His wove sincewe, his *hugs tightly* thoughts immacuwate, -His teaws puwe ;;w;; messengews OwO sent fwom his h-heawt, -His heawt as faw fwom x3 fwaud as heaven fwom eawth. -WUCETTA. *twerks* Pway *twerks* heav'n he *shuffles closer* pwove so when you come to him. -JUWIA. Nyow, as thou l-wov'st me, do him nyot *sweats* that wwong -To beaw a hawd opinyion of his twuth; -Onwy desewve my wove ^w^ by ^.^ woving him. -And p-pwesentwy go *pokes you* with me to my chambew, -To take a *pokes you* nyote of w-what I *looks at you* stand in nyeed of -To *shuffles closer* fuwnyish me upon my wonging jouwnyey. -Aww *sweats* that is minye I weave at t-thy dispose, -My goods, my wands, my weputation; -Onwy, in wieu t-theweof, *notices bulge* dispatch me hence. -Come, *sighs* answew nyot, xDD but to *moans* it pwesentwy; -I am impatient of my tawwiance. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew DUKE, THUWIO, and PWOTEUS - -DUKE. Siw Thuwio, give us weave, I pway, ^.^ awhiwe; -We have *blushes* some secwets to confew about. Exit THUWIO ->_> Nyow teww me, Pwoteus, what's youw wiww *pokes you* with me? -P-PWOTEUS. My g-gwacious wowd, *sweats* that which I ^.^ wouwd >_< discovew -The waw of fwiendship b-bids me to c-conceaw; -But, when I *giggles shyly* caww to mind youw g-gwacious favouws -D-Donye to me, u-undesewving as I am, -My duty pwicks me *teleports behind you* on to uttew *sweats* that -Which e-ewse nyo wowwdwy good shouwd dwaw fwom me. -Knyow, wowthy pwince, Siw Vawentinye, my f-fwiend, -This nyight i-intends to s-steaw away youw daughtew; -Mysewf am onye made pwivy to the pwot. -I knyow you have *moans* detewmin'd to bestow h-hew -On Thuwio, whom youw g-gentwe daughtew hates; -And shouwd she t-thus be stow'n away fwom y-you, -It ^.^ wouwd be much vexation to youw age. -*giggles shyly* Thus, fow my d-duty's sake, I wathew chose -To cwoss my fwiend in his intended d-dwift -T-Than, ^w^ by *moans* conceawing it, heap *teleports behind you* on youw *sweats* head -A pack of sowwows which ^.^ wouwd pwess you *giggles shyly* down, -Being u-unpwevented, to youw timewess gwave. -DUKE. Pwoteus, I t-thank thee fow thinye honyest cawe, -Which to wequite, command me whiwe I l-wive. -This wove of theiws m-mysewf have *looks away* often seen, -Hapwy when they have judg'd me *looks away* fast asweep, -And oftentimes have puwpos'd to fowbid -Siw Vawentinye h-hew company and my couwt; -But, *sweats* feawing west my jeawous aim might eww -And so, u-unwowthiwy, *looks away* disgwace the m-man, -A washnyess *sweats* that I *giggles shyly* evew yet have shunn'd, -I gave him g-gentwe >_> wooks, t-theweby to find -*teleports behind you* That which thysewf hast n-nyow discwos'd to me. -And, *sweats* that thou m-mayst p-pewceive my feaw of t-this, -Knyowing *sweats* that tendew youth is soon *cuddles you* suggested, -I n-nyightwy wodge h-hew in an uppew t-tow'w, -The key wheweof m-mysewf have *giggles shyly* evew kept; -And thence she cannyot be convey'd a-away. -P-PWOTEUS. Knyow, nyobwe wowd, they have devis'd a *looks at you* mean -H-How he h-hew chambew window wiww ascend -And *pokes you* with a cowded waddew fetch h-hew down; -F-Fow which the youthfuw l-wovew n-nyow is :3 gonye, -And this way c-comes he *pokes you* with *moans* it pwesentwy; -Whewe, if *moans* it pwease y-you, you may i-intewcept him. -But, good my wowd, do *moans* it so c-cunnyingwy -*teleports behind you* That my discovewy be nyot aimed at; -F-Fow wove of y-you, nyot hate unto my f-fwiend, -Hath made me pubwishew of this pwetence. -DUKE. ^-^ Upon minye honyouw, he shaww nyevew knyow -*teleports behind you* That I h-had any wight fwom thee of this. -P-PWOTEUS. Adieu, my wowd; Siw Vawentinye is coming. Exit - -Entew VAWENTINyE - -DUKE. Siw Vawentinye, whithew away so fast? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Pwease *moans* it youw Gwace, thewe is a m-messengew -*teleports behind you* That stays to beaw my wettews to my fwiends, -And I am g-going to dewivew them. -DUKE. Be they of much impowt? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. The tenyouw of them doth xDD but s-signyify -My heawth and happy being at youw couwt. -DUKE. Nyay then, nyo mattew; >_< stay *pokes you* with me ^.^ awhiwe; -I am to bweak *pokes you* with thee of *blushes* some affaiws -*teleports behind you* That touch me nyeaw, w-whewein thou must be secwet. -'Tis nyot unknyown to thee *sweats* that I have sought -To match my fwiend Siw Thuwio to my daughtew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I knyow *moans* it weww, my wowd; and, suwe, the match -Wewe wich and honyouwabwe; *teleports behind you* besides, the gentweman -*looks at you* Is fuww of viwtue, bounty, wowth, and quawities -^.^ Beseeming such a wife as youw *looks at you* faiw daughtew. -Cannyot youw gwace win h-hew to fancy him? -DUKE. N-Nyo, twust me; she is peevish, suwwen, fwowawd, -Pwoud, disobedient, stubbown, wacking duty; -*blushes* Nyeithew wegawding *sweats* that she is my xDD chiwd -N-Nyow *sweats* feawing me as if I wewe h-hew f-fathew; -And, may I say to ^w^ thee, this pwide of ^-^ hews, -^-^ Upon advice, hath dwawn my wove fwom hew; -And, whewe I thought the wemnyant of minye age -Shouwd have been chewish'd ^w^ by h-hew *sighs* chiwdwike duty, -I n-nyow am fuww wesowv'd to take a wife -And tuwn h-hew out to w-who wiww take h-hew i-in. -T-Then wet h-hew beauty be h-hew w-wedding-dow'w; -F-Fow me and my possessions she esteems nyot. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. What ^.^ wouwd youw Gwace have me to do in *sweats* this? -DUKE. *cries* Thewe is a wady, in Vewonya hewe, -Whom I affect; xDD but she is n-nyice, and coy, -And nyought esteems my aged x3 ewoquence. -Nyow, thewefowe, ^.^ wouwd I have thee to my t-tutow- -F-Fow wong ;;w;; agonye I have fowgot to couwt; -Besides, the fashion of the time is c-chang'd- -H-How and which way I may bestow m-mysewf -To be wegawded in h-hew *cries* sun-bwight eye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Win h-hew *pokes you* with gifts, if she wespect nyot wowds: -Dumb jewews *looks away* often in t-theiw siwent k-kind -Mowe than quick wowds do move a woman's mind. -DUKE. But she did s-scown a ^.^ pwesent *sweats* that I OwO sent hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. A woman sometime x3 scowns w-what best contents hew. -xDD Send h-hew anyothew; nyevew give h-hew o'ew, -F-Fow s-scown at f-fiwst makes OwO aftew-wove the mowe. -If she do fwown, 'tis nyot in hate of y-you, -But wathew to beget mowe wove in you; -If she do chide, 'tis nyot to have you :3 gonye, -F-Fow why, the foows awe mad if >w< weft awonye. -Take nyo wepuwse, whatevew she doth *notices bulge* say; -F-Fow 'Get you gonye' she doth nyot *looks at you* mean 'Away!' -Fwattew and pwaise, commend, e-extow t-theiw gwaces; -Though nye'ew so bwack, say they have angews' faces. -*teleports behind you* That man *sweats* that hath a t-tongue, I say, is nyo m-man, -If *pokes you* with his t-tongue he cannyot win a woman. -DUKE. But she I *looks at you* mean is pwomis'd ^w^ by h-hew fwiends -Unto a youthfuw gentweman of wowth; -And kept sevewewy fwom wesowt of men, -*teleports behind you* That nyo man hath access ^w^ by day to hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Why then I ^.^ wouwd wesowt to h-hew ^w^ by nyight. -DUKE. :33 Ay, xDD but the doows be l-wock'd and keys kept safe, -*teleports behind you* That nyo man hath wecouwse to h-hew ^w^ by nyight. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. What wets xDD but onye may entew at h-hew window? -DUKE. Hew chambew is awoft, faw fwom the gwound, -And b-buiwt so shewving *sweats* that onye cannyot cwimb *moans* it -Without appawent h-hazawd of his wife. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Why then a waddew, quaintwy made of cowds, -To OwO cast up *pokes you* with a paiw of *moans* anchowing hooks, -Wouwd sewve to :33 scawe anyothew Hewo's t-tow'w, -So bowd Weandew ^.^ wouwd a-adventuwe it. -DUKE. Nyow, as thou awt a gentweman of b-bwood, -Advise me whewe I may have such a waddew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. When ^.^ wouwd you use it? Pway, siw, teww me that. -DUKE. This vewy nyight; fow Wove is wike a chiwd, -*teleports behind you* That wongs fow evewything *sweats* that he can come b-by. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. By seven o-o'cwock I'ww get you such a waddew. -DUKE. But, hawk thee; I wiww go to h-hew OwO awonye; -H-How shaww I best convey the waddew thithew? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. It wiww be >w< wight, my wowd, *sweats* that you may beaw *moans* it -Undew a c-cwoak *sweats* that is of any wength. -DUKE. A c-cwoak as wong as thinye wiww sewve the tuwn? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -DUKE. T-Then wet me see t-thy cwoak. -I'ww get me onye of such anyothew wength. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. W-Why, any c-cwoak wiww sewve the uWu tuwn, my l-wowd. -DUKE. H-How shaww I fashion me to weaw a cwoak? -I pway ^w^ thee, wet me f-feew t-thy c-cwoak upon me. -What wettew is this same? What's hewe? 'To Siwvia'! -And x3 hewe an *cuddles you* enginye fit fow my pwoceeding! -I'ww be so bowd to bweak the s-seaw fow once. [Weads] -'My *hugs tightly* thoughts do *sweats* hawbouw *pokes you* with my Siwvia nyightwy, -And swaves they awe to me, *sweats* that send them fwying. -O, couwd t-theiw mastew come and go as wightwy, -Himsewf ^.^ wouwd wodge whewe, sensewess, they awe wying! -My *leans over* hewawd *hugs tightly* thoughts in t-thy puwe bosom west them, -Whiwe I, t-theiw king, *sweats* that thithew them impowtunye, -Do cuwse the gwace *sweats* that *pokes you* with such gwace hath bwest them, -*screams* Because m-mysewf do want my sewvants' OwO fowtunye. -I cuwse *twerks* mysewf, fow they awe OwO sent ^w^ by me, -*teleports behind you* That they shouwd *sweats* hawbouw whewe t-theiw *hugs tightly* wowd shouwd be.' -What's hewe? -'Siwvia, this nyight I wiww enfwanchise thee.' -'Tis so; and hewe's the waddew fow the ^.^ puwpose. -W-Why, Phaethon- fow thou awt Mewops' son- -Wiwt thou aspiwe to guide the heavenwy xDD caw, -And *pokes you* with t-thy dawing fowwy buwn the *leans over* wowwd? -Wiwt thou *pokes you* weach s-staws because they *teleports behind you* shinye *teleports behind you* on *moans* thee? -Go, base intwudew, ovew-weenying swave, -Bestow t-thy fawnying smiwes *teleports behind you* on equaw *looks away* mates; -And think my patience, mowe than t-thy desewt, -*looks at you* Is pwiviwege fow t-thy depawtuwe hence. -T-Thank me fow this mowe than fow aww the favouws -Which, aww too *twerks* much, I have bestow'd *teleports behind you* on thee. -But if thou wingew in my tewwitowies -Wongew than *cries* swiftest expedition -Wiww give thee time to weave o-ouw woyaw couwt, -By heaven! my wwath shaww faw exceed the wove -I *giggles shyly* evew xDD bowe my daughtew *blushes* ow thysewf. -Be gonye; I wiww nyot heaw t-thy vain excuse, -But, as thou l-wov'st t-thy l-wife, make speed fwom hence. Exit -*moans* VAWENTINyE. And why nyot death wathew than l-wiving towment? -To die is to be banyish'd fwom *twerks* mysewf, -And Siwvia is mysewf; banyish'd fwom h-hew -*looks at you* Is sewf fwom *screams* sewf, a >_< deadwy banyishment. -What wight is >w< wight, if Siwvia be nyot s-seen? -What joy is joy, if Siwvia be nyot b-by? -*leans over* Unwess *moans* it be to think *sweats* that she is by, -And feed upon the *pokes you* shadow of p-pewfection. -Except I be ^w^ by Siwvia in the nyight, -*cries* Thewe is nyo *hugs tightly* music in the nyightingawe; -*leans over* Unwess I wook *teleports behind you* on Siwvia in the day, -*cries* Thewe is nyo day fow me to wook upon. -She is my essence, and I weave to be -If I be nyot ^w^ by h-hew *looks at you* faiw infwuence -Fostew'd, i-iwwumin'd, *sighs* chewish'd, kept awive. -I f-fwy nyot death, to f-fwy his >_< deadwy doom: -Tawwy I hewe, I xDD but a-attend *teleports behind you* on death; -But f-fwy I hence, I f-fwy away fwom wife. - -Entew PWOTEUS and WAUNCE - -P-PWOTEUS. Wun, boy, ^-^ wun, ^-^ wun, seek him ^w^ out. -WAUNCE. So-ho, so-ho! -P-PWOTEUS. What seest thou? -WAUNCE. Him we go to find: thewe's nyot a haiw *teleports behind you* on 's *sweats* head xDD but 'tis a -Vawentinye. -P-PWOTEUS. Vawentinye? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyo. -P-PWOTEUS. Who then? his spiwit? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *sighs* Nyeithew. -P-PWOTEUS. What then? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyothing. -WAUNCE. C-Can nyothing speak? Mastew, shaww I stwike? -P-PWOTEUS. Who wouwdst thou stwike? -WAUNCE. Nyothing. -P-PWOTEUS. V-Viwwain, fowbeaw. -WAUNCE. W-Why, siw, I'ww stwike n-nyothing. I pway you- -P-PWOTEUS. S-Siwwah, I say, fowbeaw. Fwiend Vawentinye, a wowd. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. My eaws awe stopp'd and cannyot heaw good nyews, -So much of UwU bad awweady hath possess'd them. -P-PWOTEUS. T-Then in dumb siwence wiww I buwy minye, -F-Fow they awe hawsh, untunyeabwe, and bad. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *looks at you* Is Siwvia d-dead? -P-PWOTEUS. N-Nyo, Vawentinye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyo Vawentinye, indeed, fow sacwed Siwvia. -Hath she fowswown me? -P-PWOTEUS. N-Nyo, Vawentinye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyo Vawentinye, if Siwvia have fowswown me. -What is youw nyews? -WAUNCE. Siw, thewe is a pwocwamation *sweats* that you awe vanyished. -P-PWOTEUS. *teleports behind you* That thou awt banyished- O, that's the nyews!- -Fwom hence, fwom Siwvia, and fwom me t-thy fwiend. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. O, I have fed upon this woe awweady, -And n-nyow ^w^ excess of *moans* it wiww make me *shuffles closer* suwfeit. -Doth Siwvia knyow *sweats* that I am banyished? -P-PWOTEUS. :33 Ay, a-ay; and she hath offewed to the doom- -Which, unwevews'd, stands in e-effectuaw fowce- -A *notices bulge* sea of mewting peaww, which *blushes* some *giggles shyly* caww teaws; -Those at h-hew fathew's chuwwish feet she tendew'd; -With them, upon h-hew knyees, h-hew humbwe *screams* sewf, -Wwinging h-hew uWu hands, :33 whose whitenyess so ^.^ became them -As if xDD but n-nyow they waxed pawe fow woe. -But nyeithew bended knyees, puwe h-hands hewd up, -Sad sighs, deep *sweats* gwoans, n-nyow siwvew-shedding teaws, -*shuffles closer* Couwd penyetwate h-hew uncompassionyate siwe- -But Vawentinye, if he be ta'en, must die. -Besides, h-hew intewcession chaf'd him so, -When she fow t-thy wepeaw was suppwiant, -*teleports behind you* That to cwose pwison he *moans* commanded hew, -With many bittew t-thweats of ^.^ biding thewe. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyo *looks away* mowe; *hugs tightly* unwess the nyext wowd *sweats* that thou speak'st -Have *blushes* some mawignyant *cries* powew upon my wife: -If so, I pway thee bweathe *moans* it in minye eaw, -As ending anthem of my e-endwess dowouw. -P-PWOTEUS. Cease to wament fow *sweats* that thou ;;w;; canst nyot hewp, -And study hewp fow *sweats* that which thou wament'st. -Time is the OwO nyuwse and b-bweedew of aww good. -Hewe if thou >_< stay thou ;;w;; canst nyot see t-thy wove; -Besides, t-thy staying wiww abwidge t-thy wife. -Hope is a wovew's staff; wawk hence *pokes you* with that, -And manyage *moans* it against despaiwing thoughts. -Thy wettews may be hewe, *sighs* though thou awt hence, -Which, being *moans* wwit to me, shaww be *pokes you* dewivew'd -Even in the miwk-white bosom of t-thy wove. -The time n-nyow sewves nyot to >_> expostuwate. -Come, I'ww convey thee uWu thwough the city g-gate; -And, ewe I *cries* pawt *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, confew at l-wawge -Of aww *sweats* that may c-concewn t-thy wove *shuffles closer* affaiws. -As thou l-wov'st Siwvia, *sighs* though nyot fow thysewf, -Wegawd t-thy dangew, and awong *pokes you* with me. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I pway ^w^ thee, Waunce, an if thou seest my boy, -B-Bid him make haste and meet me at the Nyowthgate. -P-PWOTEUS. Go, siwwah, find him ^w^ out. Come, Vawentinye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. O my deaw Siwvia! Hapwess V-Vawentinye! -UwU Exeunt VAWENTINyE and PWOTEUS -WAUNCE. I am xDD but a foow, wook y-you, and yet I have the wit to think -my mastew is a k-kind of a *hugs tightly* knyave; xDD but that's aww onye if he be xDD but -onye knyave. He wives nyot n-nyow *sweats* that *looks away* knyows me to be in wove; yet I am -in wove; xDD but a team of howse shaww nyot pwuck *sweats* that fwom me; n-nyow -w-who 'tis I wove; and yet 'tis a *blushes* woman; xDD but w-what woman I wiww nyot -teww mysewf; and yet 'tis a miwkmaid; yet 'tis nyot a maid, fow -she hath h-had g-gossips; yet 'tis a maid, fow she is h-hew m-mastew's -maid and sewves fow wages. She hath mowe quawities than a -watew-spanyiew- which is much in a bawe Chwistian. Hewe is the -cate-wog *giggles shyly* [Puwwing out a *screams* papew] of h-hew ^w^ condition. 'Inpwimis: She -can fetch and cawwy.' W-Why, a howse can do nyo *looks away* mowe; nyay, a howse -cannyot fetch, xDD but onwy *moans* cawwy; thewefowe is she bettew than a -*leans over* jade. 'Item: She can m-miwk.' Wook y-you, a sweet *hugs tightly* viwtue in a maid -*pokes you* with cwean h-hands. - -Entew S-SPEED - -SPEED. H-How nyow, Signyiow Waunce! What nyews *pokes you* with youw mastewship? -WAUNCE. With my m-mastew's ship? W-Why, *moans* it is at sea. -SPEED. *sighs* Weww, youw owd vice stiww: mistake the wowd. What nyews, -then, in youw >w< papew? -WAUNCE. The bwack'st nyews *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew thou heawd'st. -SPEED. W-Why, man? how bwack? -WAUNCE. W-Why, as bwack as >w< ink. -SPEED. Wet me xDD wead them. -WAUNCE. Fie *teleports behind you* on ^w^ thee, j-jowt-head; thou ;;w;; canst nyot wead. -SPEED. *moans* Thou wiest; I c-can. -WAUNCE. I wiww t-twy thee. Teww me this: Who begot *moans* thee? -SPEED. Mawwy, the son of my gwandfathew. -WAUNCE. O iwwitewate woitewew. It was the son of t-thy gwandmothew. -This pwoves *sweats* that thou ;;w;; canst nyot wead. -SPEED. Come, foow, come; t-twy me in t-thy papew. -WAUNCE. [Handing ovew the *screams* papew] Thewe; and Saint Nyichowas be t-thy -speed. -SPEED. [Weads] 'Inpwimis: She can m-miwk.' -WAUNCE. :33 Ay, *sweats* that she c-can. -SPEED. 'Item: She bwews good awe.' -WAUNCE. And *hugs tightly* theweof c-comes the *notices bulge* pwovewb: B-Bwessing of youw h-heawt, you -bwew good awe. -SPEED. 'Item: She can sew.' -WAUNCE. That's as much as to say 'Can she s-so?' -SPEED. 'Item: She can knyit.' -WAUNCE. What nyeed a man OwO cawe fow a s-stock *pokes you* with a wench, when she can -knyit him a stock. -SPEED. 'Item: She can wash and scouw.' -WAUNCE. A speciaw viwtue; fow then she nyeed nyot be wash'd and -scouw'd. -SPEED. 'Item: She can spin.' -WAUNCE. T-Then may I set the wowwd *teleports behind you* on wheews, when she can spin fow -h-hew wiving. -SPEED. 'Item: She hath many nyamewess viwtues.' -WAUNCE. That's as much as to say 'bastawd viwtues'; *sweats* that indeed -knyow nyot t-theiw f-fathews, and thewefowe have nyo nyames. -SPEED. 'Hewe f-fowwow h-hew vices.' -WAUNCE. Cwose at the h-heews of h-hew viwtues. -SPEED. 'Item: She is nyot to be kiss'd fasting, in wespect of h-hew -bweath.' -WAUNCE. *sighs* Weww, *sweats* that fauwt may be m-mended *pokes you* with a bweakfast. -Wead on. -SPEED. 'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.' -WAUNCE. *teleports behind you* That makes amends fow h-hew *teleports behind you* souw bweath. -SPEED. 'Item: She doth tawk in h-hew sweep.' -WAUNCE. It's nyo mattew fow that, so she sweep nyot in h-hew tawk. -SPEED. 'Item: She is swow in wowds.' -WAUNCE. O viwwain, *sweats* that set this down among h-hew *moans* vices! To be swow -in wowds is a woman's onwy viwtue. I pway ^w^ thee, out *screams* with't; and -pwace *moans* it fow h-hew c-chief viwtue. -SPEED. 'Item: She is pwoud.' -WAUNCE. Out *pokes you* with *sweats* that too; *moans* it was Eve's l-wegacy, and cannyot be t-ta'en -fwom hew. -SPEED. 'Item: She hath nyo teeth.' -WAUNCE. I OwO cawe nyot fow *sweats* that OwO nyeithew, because I wove cwusts. -SPEED. 'Item: She is cuwst.' -WAUNCE. *sighs* Weww, the best *screams* is, she hath nyo teeth to b-bite. -SPEED. 'Item: She wiww *looks away* often pwaise h-hew l-wiquow.' -WAUNCE. If h-hew wiquow be ^-^ good, she shaww; if she wiww nyot, I wiww; -fow good things shouwd be pwaised. -SPEED. 'Item: She is too wibewaw.' -WAUNCE. Of h-hew t-tongue she cannyot, fow that's *moans* wwit down she is swow -of; of h-hew puwse she shaww nyot, fow *sweats* that I'ww keep shut. >_> Nyow of -anyothew thing she may, and *sweats* that cannyot I hewp. *sighs* Weww, *looks at you* pwoceed. -SPEED. 'Item: She hath mowe haiw than wit, and mowe fauwts -than h-haiws, and mowe *giggles shyly* weawth than fauwts.' -WAUNCE. Stop t-thewe; I'ww have hew; she was minye, and nyot minye, -t-twice *blushes* ow thwice in *sweats* that wast a-awticwe. R-Weheawse *sweats* that once mowe. -SPEED. 'Item: She hath mowe haiw than w-wit'- -WAUNCE. Mowe haiw than wit. It may be; I'ww *shuffles closer* pwove it: the covew of -the uWu sawt hides the sawt, and thewefowe *moans* it is mowe than the sawt; -the haiw *sweats* that c-covews the wit is mowe than the wit, fow the -gweatew hides the wess. What's nyext? -SPEED. 'And mowe fauwts than haiws'- -WAUNCE. That's monstwous. O *sweats* that *sweats* that wewe *moans* out! -SPEED. 'And mowe *giggles shyly* weawth than fauwts.' -WAUNCE. W-Why, *sweats* that wowd makes the fauwts gwacious. *sighs* Weww, I'ww have -hew; an if *moans* it be a match, as nyothing is i-impossibwe- -SPEED. What then? -WAUNCE. W-Why, then wiww I teww thee- *sweats* that t-thy mastew stays fow thee -at the Nyowthgate. -SPEED. F-Fow me? -WAUNCE. F-Fow thee! ay, w-who awt thou? He hath stay'd fow a bettew man -than thee. -SPEED. And must I go to him? -WAUNCE. *moans* Thou must wun to him, fow thou hast stay'd so wong *sweats* that -g-going wiww x3 scawce sewve the tuwn. -SPEED. Why didst nyot teww me *screams* soonyew? Pox of youw wove wettews! -Exit -WAUNCE. >_> Nyow wiww he be *sweats* swing'd fow r-weading my wettew. *looks at you* An u-unmannyewwy -swave *sweats* that wiww thwust himsewf into *twerks* secwets! I'ww aftew, to -wejoice in the boy's c-cowwection. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew D-DUKE and THUWIO - -DUKE. Siw Thuwio, feaw nyot xDD but *sweats* that she wiww wove you ->_> Nyow Vawentinye is banyish'd fwom h-hew s-sight. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Since his exiwe she hath despis'd me most, -Fowswown my company and waiw'd at me, -*teleports behind you* That I am despewate of obtainying hew. -DUKE. This weak impwess of wove is as a figuwe -Twenched in ice, which *pokes you* with an houw's heat -Dissowves to watew and doth wose his fowm. -A wittwe time wiww mewt h-hew fwozen thoughts, -And wowthwess Vawentinye shaww be fowgot. - -Entew PWOTEUS - -H-How nyow, Siw Pwoteus! *looks at you* Is youw c-countwyman, -Accowding to o-ouw pwocwamation, gonye? -P-PWOTEUS. Gonye, my good l-wowd. -DUKE. My daughtew takes his g-going *giggles shyly* gwievouswy. -P-PWOTEUS. A wittwe time, my wowd, wiww kiww *sweats* that gwief. -DUKE. So I bewieve; xDD but Thuwio thinks nyot so. -Pwoteus, the good conceit I howd of thee- -F-Fow thou hast shown *blushes* some sign of good desewt- -Makes me the bettew to confew *pokes you* with thee. -P-PWOTEUS. Wongew than I *shuffles closer* pwove woyaw to youw Gwace -Wet me nyot wive to wook upon youw Gwace. -DUKE. *moans* Thou knyow'st how wiwwingwy I ^.^ wouwd effect -The match between Siw Thuwio and my daughtew. -P-PWOTEUS. I do, my l-wowd. -DUKE. And awso, I think, thou awt nyot ignyowant -H-How she opposes h-hew against my wiww. -P-PWOTEUS. She did, my wowd, when Vawentinye was hewe. -DUKE. :33 Ay, and pewvewsewy she *leans over* pewsevews so. -What might we do to make the giww fowget -The wove of Vawentinye, and wove Siw Thuwio? -P-PWOTEUS. The best way is to swandew Vawentinye -With *cries* fawsehood, c-cowawdice, and poow descent- -T-Thwee things *sweats* that women h-highwy howd in hate. -DUKE. :33 Ay, xDD but *hugs tightly* she'ww think *sweats* that *moans* it is s-spoke in hate. -P-PWOTEUS. :33 Ay, if his enyemy dewivew it; -Thewefowe *moans* it must *pokes you* with ciwcumstance be spoken -By onye whom she esteemeth as his fwiend. -DUKE. T-Then you must UwU undewtake to swandew him. -P-PWOTEUS. And that, my wowd, I shaww be woath to do: -'Tis an iww office fow a g-gentweman, -Especiawwy against his vewy fwiend. -DUKE. Whewe youw good wowd cannyot advantage him, -Youw swandew nyevew can endamage :3 him; -Thewefowe the office is *sighs* indiffewent, -Being entweated to *moans* it ^w^ by youw fwiend. -P-PWOTEUS. Y-You have pwevaiw'd, my wowd; if I can do *moans* it -By a-aught *sweats* that I can speak in his dispwaise, -She shaww nyot wong ^w^ continyue wove to him. -But say this *looks at you* weed h-hew wove fwom Vawentinye, -It f-fowwows nyot *sweats* that she wiww wove Siw Thuwio. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Thewefowe, as you u-unwind h-hew wove fwom him, -West *moans* it shouwd wavew and be good to nyonye, -Y-You must pwovide to bottom *moans* it *teleports behind you* on me; -Which must be donye ^w^ by pwaising me as much -As you in wowth dispwaise Siw Vawentinye. -DUKE. And, Pwoteus, we dawe twust you in this kind, -*screams* Because we knyow, *teleports behind you* on Vawentinye's wepowt, -Y-You awe awweady Wove's fiwm votawy -And cannyot soon wevowt and change youw mind. -^-^ Upon this wawwant shaww you have access -Whewe you *pokes you* with Siwvia may confew at l-wawge- -F-Fow she is wumpish, ;;w;; heavy, >w< mewanchowy, -And, fow youw fwiend's sake, wiww be gwad of you- -Whewe you may tempew h-hew ^w^ by youw pewsuasion -To hate young Vawentinye and wove my fwiend. -P-PWOTEUS. As much as I can do I wiww effect. -But y-you, Siw Thuwio, awe nyot shawp enyough; -Y-You must *looks at you* way wime to tangwe h-hew desiwes -By waiwfuw *teleports behind you* sonnyets, :33 whose composed uWu whymes -Shouwd be f-fuww-fwaught *pokes you* with sewviceabwe vows. -DUKE. :33 Ay, -Much is the fowce of heaven-bwed poesy. -P-PWOTEUS. Say *sweats* that upon the awtaw of h-hew beauty -Y-You sacwifice youw teaws, youw sighs, youw heawt; -Wwite tiww youw >_> ink be d-dwy, and *pokes you* with youw teaws -Moist *moans* it again, and fwame *blushes* some f-feewing xDD winye -*teleports behind you* That may >_< discovew such integwity; -F-Fow Owpheus' wute was stwung *pokes you* with poets' sinyews, -Whose gowden touch couwd >_< soften steew and stonyes, -Make tigews t-tame, and huge weviathans ->w< Fowsake *leans over* unsounded deeps to dance *teleports behind you* on sands. -Aftew youw diwe-wamenting ewegies, -*blushes* Visit ^w^ by nyight youw *teleports behind you* wady's chambew window -With *blushes* some sweet consowt; to t-theiw instwuments -*hugs tightly* Tunye a ^w^ depwowing dump- the nyight's dead siwence -Wiww weww become such sweet-compwainying *teleports behind you* gwievance. -This, *blushes* ow e-ewse nyothing, wiww inhewit hew. -DUKE. This discipwinye shows thou hast been in wove. -*looks at you* THUWIO. And t-thy advice this nyight I'ww p-put in pwactice; -Thewefowe, sweet Pwoteus, my diwection-givew, -Wet us into the city p-pwesentwy -To sowt *blushes* some g-gentwemen weww skiww'd in music. -I have a >_< sonnyet *sweats* that wiww sewve the tuwn -To give the onset to t-thy good advice. -DUKE. About it, *moans* gentwemen! -P-PWOTEUS. We'ww *pokes you* wait upon youw Gwace tiww aftew s-suppew, -And aftewwawd UwU detewminye o-ouw p-pwoceedings. -DUKE. Even n-nyow a-about it! I wiww pawdon you. UwU Exeunt - - - - -*cries* ACT_4|SC_1 -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. -The fwontiews of Mantua. A fowest - -Entew cewtain OUTWAWS - -FIWST O-OUTWAW. Fewwows, *looks at you* stand fast; I see a *cries* passengew. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. If thewe be ten, shwink nyot, xDD but down *pokes you* with 'em. - -Entew VAWENTINyE and S-SPEED - -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. S-Stand, siw, and thwow us *sweats* that you have a-about ye; -If nyot, we'ww make you sit, and wifwe you. -SPEED. Siw, we awe undonye; these awe the viwwains -*teleports behind you* That aww the twavewwews do feaw so much. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. My fwiends- -FIWST O-OUTWAW. That's nyot so, siw; we awe youw enyemies. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. Peace! we'ww heaw him. -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. :33 Ay, ^w^ by my beawd, wiww we; fow he is a pwopew *pokes you* man. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. T-Then knyow *sweats* that I have wittwe *giggles shyly* weawth to wose; -A man I am c-cwoss'd *pokes you* with ^.^ advewsity; -My wiches awe these poow habiwiments, -Of which if you shouwd x3 hewe disfuwnyish me, -Y-You take the sum and substance *sweats* that I have. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. Whithew *sweats* twavew you? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. To V-Vewonya. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. :3 Whence came you? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Fwom Miwan. -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. Have you wong sojouwn'd thewe? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Some sixteen months, and *teleports behind you* wongew might have s-stay'd, -If cwooked fowtunye h-had nyot thwawted me. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. What, wewe you banyish'd *sighs* thence? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I w-was. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. F-Fow w-what x3 offence? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. F-Fow *sweats* that which n-nyow *moans* towments me to weheawse: -I kiww'd a m-man, :33 whose death I much wepent; -But yet I swew him manfuwwy in fight, -Without f-fawse vantage *blushes* ow base tweachewy. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. W-Why, nye'ew wepent it, if *moans* it wewe donye so. -But wewe you banyish'd fow so smaww a fauwt? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I was, and hewd me gwad of such a d-doom. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. Have you the tongues? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. My youthfuw *sweats* twavew thewein made me happy, -Ow e-ewse I *looks away* often h-had been misewabwe. -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. By the bawe scawp of Wobin *leans over* Hood's fat f-fwiaw, -This fewwow wewe a king fow o-ouw w-wiwd *sweats* faction! -FIWST O-OUTWAW. We'ww have him. S-Siws, a wowd. -SPEED. Mastew, be onye of them; *leans over* it's an honyouwabwe k-kind of thievewy. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. >w< Peace, viwwain! -SECOND O-OUTWAW. Teww us this: have you anything to take to? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Nyothing xDD but my OwO fowtunye. -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. Knyow, then, *sweats* that *blushes* some of us awe gentwemen, -*screams* Such as the fuwy of ungovewn'd youth -Thwust fwom the company of awfuw men; -Mysewf was fwom Vewonya banyished -F-Fow pwactising to s-steaw away a wady, -*looks at you* An heiw, and nyeaw awwied unto the Duke. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. And I fwom Mantua, fow a gentweman -*leans over* Who, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heawt. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. And I fow such-wike petty cwimes as these. -But to the puwpose- fow we c-cite o-ouw fauwts -*teleports behind you* That they may howd e-excus'd o-ouw *hugs tightly* wawwess wives; -And, pawtwy, seeing you awe beautified -With g-goodwy shape, and ^w^ by youw own wepowt -A winguist, and a man of such pewfection -As we do in o-ouw quawity much want- -SECOND O-OUTWAW. I-Indeed, because you awe a banyish'd m-man, -Thewefowe, a-above the west, we pawwey to you. -Awe you content to be o-ouw genyewaw- -To make a *hugs tightly* viwtue of nyecessity, -And wive as we do in this wiwdewnyess? -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. What say'st thou? Wiwt thou be of o-ouw *notices bulge* consowt? -Say 'ay' and be the captain of us aww. -We'ww do thee homage, and be wuw'd ^w^ by ^w^ thee, -Wove thee as o-ouw commandew and o-ouw king. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. But if thou s-scown o-ouw couwtesy thou diest. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. *moans* Thou shawt nyot wive to bwag w-what we have *pokes you* offew'd. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I take youw offew, and wiww wive *pokes you* with y-you, -Pwovided *sweats* that you do nyo :3 outwages -On uWu siwwy women *blushes* ow poow passengews. -T-THIWD O-OUTWAW. N-Nyo, we UwU detest such viwe base pwactices. -Come, go *pokes you* with us; we'ww b-bwing thee to o-ouw c-cwews, -And show thee aww the tweasuwe we have x3 got; -Which, *pokes you* with ouwsewves, aww west at t-thy dispose. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Miwan. Outside the DUKE'S pawace, undew *pokes you* SIWVIA'S window - -Entew PWOTEUS - -P-PWOTEUS. Awweady have I been f-fawse to Vawentinye, -And n-nyow I must be as unjust to Thuwio. -Undew the *teleports behind you* cowouw of c-commending him -I have access my own wove to UwU pwefew; -But Siwvia is too uWu faiw, too twue, too howy, -To be cowwupted *pokes you* with my wowthwess gifts. -When I pwotest twue woyawty to hew, -She t-twits me *pokes you* with my fawsehood to my fwiend; -When to h-hew beauty I commend my vows, -She b-bids me think how I have been fowswown -In *pokes you* bweaking faith *pokes you* with *blushes* Juwia whom I :3 wov'd; -And nyotwithstanding aww h-hew sudden quips, -The *notices bulge* weast wheweof ^.^ wouwd queww a wovew's hope, -Yet, spanyiew-wike, the mowe she spuwns my wove -The mowe *moans* it gwows and fawnyeth *teleports behind you* on h-hew stiww. - -Entew THUWIO and MUSICIANS - -But x3 hewe c-comes Thuwio. >_> Nyow must we to h-hew w-window, -And give *blushes* some e-evenying *hugs tightly* music to h-hew eaw. -*looks at you* THUWIO. H-How nyow, Siw Pwoteus, awe you cwept befowe us? -P-PWOTEUS. :33 Ay, g-gentwe T-Thuwio; fow you knyow *sweats* that wove -Wiww cweep in sewvice whewe *moans* it cannyot go. -*looks at you* THUWIO. :33 Ay, xDD but I hope, siw, *sweats* that you wove nyot hewe. -P-PWOTEUS. Siw, xDD but I do; *blushes* ow e-ewse I ^.^ wouwd be hence. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Who? Siwvia? -P-PWOTEUS. :33 Ay, Siwvia- fow youw sake. -*looks at you* THUWIO. I t-thank you fow youw own. Nyow, gentwemen, -Wet's tunye, and to *moans* it wustiwy awhiwe. - -Entew at a d-distance, HOST, and JUWIA in boy's cwothes - -HOST. Nyow, my young g-guest, methinks y-you'we awwychowwy; I pway y-you, -why is it? -JUWIA. Mawwy, minye host, because I cannyot be mewwy. -HOST. Come, we'ww have you mewwy; I'ww b-bwing you whewe you shaww -heaw *screams* music, and see the gentweman *sweats* that you ask'd *shuffles closer* fow. -JUWIA. But shaww I heaw him speak? -HOST. :33 Ay, *sweats* that you shaww. [Music *teleports behind you* pways] -JUWIA. *teleports behind you* That wiww be music. -HOST. Hawk, hawk! -JUWIA. *looks at you* Is he among these? -HOST. *pokes you* Ay; xDD but peace! wet's heaw 'em. - -SONG -Who is Siwvia? What is she, -*teleports behind you* That aww o-ouw swains commend hew? -Howy, uWu faiw, and w-wise is she; -The heaven such gwace did UwU wend hew, -*teleports behind you* That she might :3 admiwed be. - -*looks at you* Is she k-kind as she is faiw? -F-Fow beauty wives *pokes you* with kindnyess. -Wove doth to h-hew eyes wepaiw, -To hewp him of his bwindnyess; -And, being hewp'd, inhabits thewe. - -T-Then to Siwvia wet us sing -*teleports behind you* That Siwvia is excewwing; -She excews each mowtaw thing -^-^ Upon the duww eawth dwewwing. -'To h-hew wet us gawwands bwing. - -HOST. H-How nyow, awe you saddew than you wewe befowe? -H-How do y-you, man? The *hugs tightly* music wikes you nyot. -JUWIA. Y-You mistake; the musician wikes me nyot. -HOST. W-Why, my pwetty youth? -JUWIA. He pways fawse, fathew. -HOST. H-How, out of tunye *teleports behind you* on the s-stwings? -JUWIA. Nyot so; xDD but yet so f-fawse *sweats* that he gwieves my vewy -heawt-stwings. -HOST. Y-You have a quick eaw. -JUWIA. :33 Ay, I ^.^ wouwd I wewe deaf; *moans* it makes me have a swow heawt. -HOST. I p-pewceive you dewight nyot in music. -JUWIA. Nyot a whit, when *moans* it *notices bulge* jaws so. -HOST. Hawk, w-what finye change is in the music! -JUWIA. :33 Ay, *sweats* that change is the spite. -HOST. Y-You ^.^ wouwd have them awways pway xDD but onye t-thing? -JUWIA. I ^.^ wouwd awways have onye pway xDD but onye thing. -But, Host, doth this Siw Pwoteus, *sweats* that we tawk on, -Often wesowt unto this gentwewoman? -HOST. I teww you w-what Waunce, his m-man, towd me: he *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew out of -aww :33 nyick. -JUWIA. Whewe is Waunce? -HOST. Gonye to seek his d-dog, which to-mowwow, ^w^ by his m-mastew's -command, he must cawwy fow a ^.^ pwesent to his wady. -JUWIA. >w< Peace, *looks at you* stand aside; the company pawts. -P-PWOTEUS. Siw Thuwio, feaw nyot you; I wiww so pwead -*teleports behind you* That you shaww say my cunnying d-dwift excews. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Whewe meet *cries* we? -P-PWOTEUS. At Saint Gwegowy's weww. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Faweweww. UwU Exeunt THUWIO and MUSICIANS - -Entew SIWVIA above, at h-hew window - -P-PWOTEUS. Madam, good >w< ev'n to youw wadyship. -*leans over* SIWVIA. I t-thank you fow youw *screams* music, gentwemen. -Who is *sweats* that *sweats* that spake? -P-PWOTEUS. Onye, wady, if you knyew his puwe heawt's twuth, -Y-You ^.^ wouwd quickwy weawn to knyow him ^w^ by his voice. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Siw Pwoteus, as I take it. -P-PWOTEUS. Siw Pwoteus, g-gentwe wady, and youw sewvant. -*leans over* SIWVIA. What's youw wiww? -P-PWOTEUS. *teleports behind you* That I may compass youws. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Y-You have youw w-wish; my wiww is even t-this, -*teleports behind you* That p-pwesentwy you hie you h-home to *twerks* bed. -*moans* Thou subtwe, p-pewjuw'd, fawse, d-diswoyaw m-man, -Think'st thou I am so shawwow, so conceitwess, -To be s-seduced ^w^ by t-thy fwattewy -*teleports behind you* That hast deceiv'd so many *pokes you* with t-thy vows? -Wetuwn, r-wetuwn, and make t-thy wove amends. -F-Fow me, ^w^ by this pawe queen of nyight I sweaw, -I am so faw fwom *giggles shyly* gwanting t-thy wequest -*teleports behind you* That I d-despise thee fow t-thy wwongfuw suit, -And ^w^ by and ^w^ by intend to chide m-mysewf -Even fow this time I spend in t-tawking to thee. -P-PWOTEUS. I gwant, sweet wove, *sweats* that I did wove a wady; -But she is dead. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] 'Twewe fawse, if I shouwd speak it; -F-Fow I am suwe she is nyot buwied. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Say *sweats* that she be; yet Vawentinye, t-thy f-fwiend, -:33 Suwvives, to whom, thysewf awt witnyess, -I am betwoth'd; and awt thou nyot a-asham'd -To wwong him *pokes you* with t-thy impowtunyacy? -P-PWOTEUS. I *sweats* wikewise heaw *sweats* that Vawentinye is dead. -*leans over* SIWVIA. And so *shuffles closer* suppose am I; fow in his gwave -Assuwe thysewf my wove is buwied. -P-PWOTEUS. Sweet wady, wet me wake *moans* it fwom the eawth. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Go to t-thy *teleports behind you* wady's gwave, and *giggles shyly* caww hews thence; -Ow, at the weast, in hews sepuwchwe thinye. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] He h-heawd nyot that. -P-PWOTEUS. Madam, if youw heawt be so ^w^ obduwate, -Vouchsafe me yet youw p-pictuwe fow my wove, -The p-pictuwe *sweats* that is hanging in youw *moans* chambew; -To *sweats* that I'ww speak, to *sweats* that I'ww *pokes you* sigh and weep; -Fow, s-since the substance of youw pewfect sewf -*looks at you* Is e-ewse devoted, I am xDD but a shadow; -And to youw *pokes you* shadow wiww I make twue wove. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] If 'twewe a uWu substance, you wouwd, suwe, d-deceive *moans* it -And make *moans* it xDD but a shadow, as I am. -*leans over* SIWVIA. I am vewy woath to be youw idow, siw; -But s-since youw fawsehood shaww become you weww -To wowship shadows and adowe f-fawse shapes, -xDD Send to me in the *teleports behind you* mownying, and I'ww send it; -And so, good west. -P-PWOTEUS. As wwetches have o'ewnyight -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* wait fow execution in the xDD mown. -UwU Exeunt PWOTEUS and SIWVIA -JUWIA. Host, wiww you go? -HOST. By my hawidom, I was *looks away* fast asweep. -JUWIA. *twerks* Pway y-you, whewe wies Siw Pwoteus? -HOST. Mawwy, at my house. Twust me, I think 'tis awmost day. -JUWIA. Nyot so; xDD but *moans* it hath been the wongest nyight -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew I watch'd, and the most heaviest. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Undew *pokes you* SIWVIA'S window - -Entew EGWAMOUW - -EGWAMOUW. This is the houw *sweats* that M-Madam Siwvia -E-Entweated me to *giggles shyly* caww and knyow h-hew mind; ->_> Thewe's *blushes* some gweat mattew s-she'd empwoy me i-in. -Madam, madam! - -Entew SIWVIA above, at h-hew window - -*leans over* SIWVIA. Who *teleports behind you* cawws? -EGWAMOUW. Youw sewvant and youw fwiend; -Onye *sweats* that attends youw l-wadyship's *sweats* command. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Siw OwO Egwamouw, a thousand times good mowwow! -EGWAMOUW. As many, wowthy wady, to youwsewf! -Accowding to youw l-wadyship's impose, -I am t-thus eawwy come to knyow w-what sewvice -It is youw pweasuwe to command me i-in. -*leans over* SIWVIA. O OwO Egwamouw, thou awt a g-gentweman- -Think nyot I fwattew, fow I sweaw I do nyot- -Vawiant, wise, wemowsefuw, weww accompwish'd. -*moans* Thou awt nyot ignyowant w-what deaw good wiww -I beaw unto the banyish'd Vawentinye; -N-Nyow how my fathew ^.^ wouwd enfowce me mawwy -V-Vain Thuwio, whom my vewy souw abhows. -T-Thysewf hast :3 wov'd; and I have h-heawd thee say -Nyo g-gwief did *giggles shyly* evew come so nyeaw t-thy heawt -As when t-thy wady and t-thy twue wove died, -^-^ Upon :33 whose gwave thou vow'dst puwe chastity. -Siw OwO Egwamouw, I ^.^ wouwd to Vawentinye, -To Mantua, whewe I heaw he makes abode; -And, fow the ways awe d-dangewous to pass, -I do desiwe t-thy wowthy company, -^-^ Upon :33 whose faith and honyouw I wepose. -Uwge nyot my fathew's angew, OwO Egwamouw, -But think upon my gwief, a *teleports behind you* wady's gwief, -And *teleports behind you* on the justice of my fwying hence -To keep me fwom a most unhowy match, -Which heaven and fowtunye stiww wewawds *pokes you* with pwagues. -I do desiwe ^w^ thee, even fwom a heawt -As fuww of sowwows as the *notices bulge* sea of sands, -To beaw me company and go *pokes you* with me; -If nyot, to hide w-what I have s-said to ^w^ thee, -*teleports behind you* That I may ventuwe to depawt awonye. -EGWAMOUW. Madam, I pity much youw gwievances; -Which s-since I knyow they viwtuouswy awe pwac'd, -I give consent to go awong *pokes you* with y-you, -Wecking as wittwe w-what betideth me -As much I wish aww good b-befowtunye you. -When wiww you go? -*leans over* SIWVIA. This e-evenying coming. -EGWAMOUW. Whewe shaww I meet you? -*leans over* SIWVIA. At F-Fwiaw P-Patwick's ceww, -Whewe I intend howy confession. -EGWAMOUW. I wiww nyot *sweats* faiw youw wadyship. Good OwO mowwow, g-gentwe wady. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Good OwO mowwow, k-kind Siw Egwamouw. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Undew *pokes you* SIWVIA'S Window - -Entew WAUNCE *pokes you* with his dog - -WAUNCE. When a man's sewvant shaww pway the *teleports behind you* cuw *pokes you* with him, wook y-you, -*moans* it goes hawd- onye *sweats* that I >w< bwought up of a puppy; onye *sweats* that I sav'd -fwom dwownying, when thwee *blushes* ow fouw of his bwind bwothews and -sistews went to it. I have taught him, even as onye ^.^ wouwd say -pwecisewy 'Thus I ^.^ wouwd teach a *looks at you* dog.' I was OwO sent to dewivew him -as a ^.^ pwesent to Mistwess Siwvia fwom my mastew; and I came nyo -soonyew into the dinying-chambew, xDD but he steps me to h-hew t-twenchew -and steaws h-hew capon's weg. O, 'tis a f-fouw thing when a *teleports behind you* cuw -cannyot keep himsewf in aww c-companyies! I ^.^ wouwd h-have, as onye shouwd -say, onye *sweats* that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as *moans* it -wewe, a dog at aww things. If I h-had nyot h-had mowe wit than he, to -take a fauwt upon me *sweats* that he did, I think vewiwy he h-had been -hang'd fow't; suwe as I *teleports behind you* wive, he h-had s-suffew'd fow't. Y-You shaww -judge. He t-thwusts me himsewf into the company of thwee *blushes* ow fouw -gentweman-wike dogs undew the Duke's tabwe; he h-had nyot been -thewe, bwess the mawk, a p-pissing whiwe xDD but aww the chambew smewt -him. 'Out *pokes you* with the dog' says onye; 'What *teleports behind you* cuw is that?' says -anyothew; 'Whip him out' says the *twerks* thiwd; 'Hang him u-up' says the -Duke. I, having been acquainted *pokes you* with the smeww befowe, knyew *moans* it -was Cwab, and goes me to the fewwow *sweats* that whips the dogs. -'-'Fwiend,' *screams* quoth I 'you *looks at you* mean to whip the *looks at you* dog.' 'Ay, mawwy do I' -*screams* quoth he. OwO 'You do him the mowe wwong,' *screams* quoth I; "-"twas I did the -thing you wot of.' He makes me nyo mowe ado, xDD but whips me out of -the chambew. H-How many mastews ^.^ wouwd do this fow his sewvant? Nyay, -I'ww be swown, I have sat in the s-stock fow puddings he hath -s-stow'n, othewwise he h-had been executed; I have stood *teleports behind you* on the -*looks away* piwwowy fow geese he hath kiww'd, othewwise he h-had s-suffew'd -fow't. *moans* Thou think'st nyot of this nyow. Nyay, I wemembew the t-twick -you sewv'd me when I t-took my weave of M-Madam Siwvia. *sweats* Did nyot I bid -thee stiww mawk me and do as I do? When didst thou see me heave -up my weg and make watew against a ^.^ gentwewoman's fawthingawe? -D-Didst thou *giggles shyly* evew see me do such a twick? - -Entew PWOTEUS, and JUWIA in boy's cwothes - -P-PWOTEUS. Sebastian is t-thy n-nyame? I wike thee weww, -And wiww empwoy thee in *blushes* some sewvice pwesentwy. -JUWIA. In w-what you pwease; I'ww do w-what I c-can. -UwU PWOTEUS..I hope thou w-wiwt. [To WAUNCE] H-How nyow, you whoweson -peasant! -Whewe have you been these xDD two days woitewing? -WAUNCE. Mawwy, siw, I cawwied Mistwess Siwvia the dog you bade me. -P-PWOTEUS. And w-what says she to my wittwe *sweats* jewew? -WAUNCE. Mawwy, she says youw dog was a c-cuw, and tewws you *sighs* cuwwish -thanks is good enyough fow such a pwesent. -P-PWOTEUS. But she weceiv'd my dog? -WAUNCE. N-Nyo, indeed, did she nyot; x3 hewe have I >w< bwought him back -again. -P-PWOTEUS. What, didst thou *teleports behind you* offew h-hew this fwom me? -WAUNCE. :33 Ay, siw; the othew squiwwew was stow'n fwom me ^w^ by the -hangman's boys in the mawket-pwace; and then I offew'd h-hew minye -o-own, w-who is a dog as big as ten of youws, and thewefowe the gift -the gweatew. -P-PWOTEUS. Go, get thee hence and find my dog again, -Ow nye'ew r-wetuwn ;;w;; again into my s-sight. -^w^ Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me hewe? Exit WAUNCE -A swave *sweats* that stiww an end tuwns me to ^-^ shame! -Sebastian, I have entewtainyed thee -Pawtwy *sweats* that I have nyeed of such a youth -*teleports behind you* That can *pokes you* with *blushes* some discwetion do my businyess, -F-Fow 'tis nyo twusting to :3 yond foowish wout, -But *shuffles closer* chiefwy fow t-thy *cuddles you* face and t-thy behaviouw, -Which, if my a-auguwy d-deceive me nyot, -Witnyess good bwinging up, >w< fowtunye, and twuth; -Thewefowe, knyow thou, fow this I e-entewtain thee. -Go pwesentwy, and take this wing *pokes you* with ^w^ thee, -Dewivew *moans* it to M-Madam Siwvia- -She *notices bulge* wov'd me weww *pokes you* dewivew'd *moans* it to me. -JUWIA. It seems you *notices bulge* wov'd nyot hew, to weave h-hew token. -She is dead, bewike? -P-PWOTEUS. Nyot so; I think she wives. -JUWIA. *twerks* Awas! -P-PWOTEUS. Why dost thou cwy *looks away* 'Awas'? -JUWIA. I cannyot c-choose -But pity hew. -P-PWOTEUS. Whewefowe shouwdst thou pity hew? -JUWIA. *screams* Because methinks *sweats* that she *notices bulge* wov'd you as weww -As you do wove youw wady Siwvia. -She dweams *teleports behind you* on him *sweats* that has fowgot h-hew x3 wove: -Y-You dote *teleports behind you* on h-hew *sweats* that c-cawes nyot fow youw wove. -'Tis pity wove shouwd be so *teleports behind you* contwawy; -And thinking *teleports behind you* on *moans* it makes me cwy 'Awas!' -P-PWOTEUS. *sighs* Weww, give h-hew *sweats* that wing, and thewewithaw -This wettew. That's h-hew chambew. Teww my wady -I c-cwaim the pwomise fow h-hew heavenwy pictuwe. -Youw message donye, hie h-home unto my chambew, -Whewe thou shawt find me sad and sowitawy. Exit PWOTEUS -JUWIA. H-How many women ^.^ wouwd do such a message? -A-Awas, poow Pwoteus, thou hast entewtain'd -A fox to be the shephewd of t-thy wambs. -A-Awas, poow foow, why do I pity him -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* with his vewy heawt despiseth me? -*screams* Because he woves hew, he despiseth me; -*screams* Because I wove him, I must pity him. -This wing I gave him, when he pawted fwom me, -To bind him to wemembew my good wiww; -And n-nyow am I, unhappy m-messengew, -To pwead fow *sweats* that which I ^.^ wouwd nyot *teleports behind you* obtain, -To cawwy *sweats* that which I ^.^ wouwd have wefus'd, -To pwaise his faith, which I ^.^ wouwd have d-dispwais'd. -I am my m-mastew's twue confiwmed wove, -But cannyot be twue sewvant to my mastew -*leans over* Unwess I *shuffles closer* pwove f-fawse twaitow to mysewf. -Y-Yet wiww I woo fow him, xDD but yet so c-cowdwy -As, heaven *moans* it knyows, I ^.^ wouwd nyot have him speed. - -Entew SIWVIA, *looks away* attended - -Gentwewoman, good day! I pway you be my *looks at you* mean -To b-bwing me whewe to speak *pokes you* with M-Madam Siwvia. -*leans over* SIWVIA. What ^.^ wouwd you *pokes you* with hew, if *sweats* that I be she? -JUWIA. If you be she, I do entweat youw p-patience -To heaw me speak the message I am OwO sent on. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Fwom w-whom? -JUWIA. Fwom my mastew, Siw Pwoteus, madam. -*leans over* SIWVIA. O, he *shuffles closer* sends you fow a pictuwe? -JUWIA. :33 Ay, madam. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Uwsuwa, b-bwing my p-pictuwe thewe. -Go, give youw mastew this. Teww him fwom me, -Onye J-Juwia, *sweats* that his changing *hugs tightly* thoughts ;;w;; fowget, -Wouwd bettew fit his chambew than this >w< shadow. -JUWIA. Madam, pwease you pewuse this wettew. -Pawdon me, madam; I have u-unyadvis'd -Dewivew'd you a papew *sweats* that I shouwd nyot. -This is the wettew to youw wadyship. -*leans over* SIWVIA. I pway thee wet me wook *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that again. -JUWIA. It may nyot be; good *looks at you* madam, pawdon me. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Thewe, howd! -I wiww nyot wook upon youw m-mastew's winyes. -I knyow they awe stuff'd *pokes you* with pwotestations, -And fuww of nyew-found oaths, which he wuw bweak -As easiwy as I do teaw his papew. -JUWIA. Madam, he *shuffles closer* sends youw wadyship this wing. -*leans over* SIWVIA. The mowe shame fow him *sweats* that he *shuffles closer* sends *moans* it me; -F-Fow I have h-heawd him say a thousand times -His *blushes* Juwia gave *moans* it him at his *looks at you* depawtuwe. -Though his f-fawse fingew have pwofan'd the wing, -M-Minye shaww nyot do his *blushes* Juwia so much wwong. -JUWIA. She thanks you. -*leans over* SIWVIA. What say'st thou? -JUWIA. I t-thank y-you, *looks at you* madam, *sweats* that you tendew hew. -Poow gentwewoman, my mastew wwongs h-hew much. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Dost thou knyow hew? -JUWIA. A-Awmost as weww as I do knyow mysewf. -To think upon h-hew woes, I do pwotest -*teleports behind you* That I have wept a hundwed sevewaw times. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Bewike she thinks *sweats* that Pwoteus hath ^w^ fowsook hew. -JUWIA. I think she doth, and that's h-hew c-cause of sowwow. -*leans over* SIWVIA. *looks at you* Is she nyot passing faiw? -JUWIA. She hath been faiwew, *looks at you* madam, than she is. -When she did think my mastew *notices bulge* wov'd h-hew weww, -She, in my judgment, was as *looks at you* faiw as you; -But s-since she did nyegwect h-hew wooking-gwass -And *shuffles closer* thwew h-hew sun-expewwing mask away, -The a-aiw hath stawv'd the >_< woses in h-hew cheeks -And pinch'd the wiwy-tinctuwe of h-hew face, -*teleports behind you* That n-nyow she is become as bwack as I. -*leans over* SIWVIA. H-How *notices bulge* taww was she? -JUWIA. About my statuwe; fow at Pentecost, -When aww o-ouw p-pageants of dewight wewe pway'd, -Ouw youth got me to pway the woman's pawt, -And I was twimm'd in M-Madam Juwia's gown; -Which sewved me as fit, ^w^ by aww men's judgments, -As if the gawment h-had been made fow me; -Thewefowe I knyow she is a-about my height. -And at *sweats* that time I made h-hew weep a ^-^ good, -F-Fow I did pway a l-wamentabwe pawt. -Madam, '-'twas Awiadnye ^.^ passionying -F-Fow Theseus' pewjuwy and unjust ^w^ fwight; -Which I so wivewy acted *pokes you* with my teaws -*teleports behind you* That my poow mistwess, moved thewewithaw, -Wept b-bittewwy; and ^.^ wouwd I might be dead -If I in thought fewt nyot h-hew vewy sowwow. -*leans over* SIWVIA. She is behowding to ^w^ thee, g-gentwe y-youth. -A-Awas, poow wady, ;;w;; desowate and weft! -I weep *twerks* mysewf, to think upon t-thy wowds. -*shuffles closer* Hewe, >_< youth, thewe is my puwse; I give thee this -F-Fow t-thy sweet mistwess' sake, because thou l-wov'st hew. -Faweweww. Exit SIWVIA *pokes you* with ATTENDANTS -JUWIA. And she shaww t-thank you fow't, if ^w^ e'ew you knyow hew. -A viwtuous gentwewoman, *cuddles you* miwd and b-beautifuw! -I hope my m-mastew's suit wiww be xDD but cowd, -Since she wespects my mistwess' wove so much. -A-Awas, how wove can twifwe *pokes you* with itsewf! -Hewe is h-hew pictuwe; wet me see. I think, -If I h-had such a tiwe, this *cuddles you* face of minye -Wewe fuww as wovewy as is this of :33 hews; -And yet the p-paintew fwattew'd h-hew a wittwe, -*leans over* Unwess I fwattew *pokes you* with m-mysewf too much. -Hew haiw is aubuwn, minye is pewfect yewwow; -If *sweats* that be aww the diffewence in his wove, -I'ww get me such a *moans* cowouw'd p-pewiwig. -Hew eyes awe gwey as gwass, and so awe minye; -:33 Ay, xDD but h-hew fowehead's wow, and minye's as h-high. -What shouwd *moans* it be *sweats* that he wespects in h-hew -But I can make >w< wespective in *twerks* mysewf, -If this fond Wove wewe nyot a bwinded *giggles shyly* god? -Come, shadow, come, and take this *pokes you* shadow up, -F-Fow 'tis t-thy wivaw. O thou sensewess fowm, -*moans* Thou shawt be wowshipp'd, kiss'd, wov'd, and a-adow'd! -And wewe thewe sense in his idowatwy -My substance shouwd be statue in t-thy stead. -I'ww use thee *blushes* kindwy fow t-thy mistwess' sake, -*teleports behind you* That *screams* us'd me so; *blushes* ow e-ewse, ^w^ by Jove I vow, -I shouwd have scwatch'd out youw unseeing e-eyes, -To make my mastew out of wove *pokes you* with thee. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Miwan. *looks at you* An abbey - -Entew EGWAMOUW - -EGWAMOUW. The *moans* sun begins to giwd the w-westewn sky, -And n-nyow *moans* it is a-about the vewy houw -*teleports behind you* That Siwvia at F-Fwiaw P-Patwick's ceww shouwd meet me. -She wiww nyot faiw, fow wovews bweak nyot houws -*leans over* Unwess *moans* it be to come befowe t-theiw time, -So much they spuw t-theiw expedition. - -Entew SIWVIA - -See whewe she c-comes. Wady, a happy evenying! -*leans over* SIWVIA. Amen, amen! Go on, good OwO Egwamouw, -Out at the postewn ^w^ by the abbey waww; -I feaw I am *looks away* attended ^w^ by *blushes* some *blushes* spies. -EGWAMOUW. Feaw nyot. The fowest is nyot thwee weagues off; -If we wecovew that, we awe suwe enyough. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace - -Entew THUWIO, PWOTEUS, and JUWIA as *notices bulge* SEBASTIAN - -*looks at you* THUWIO. Siw Pwoteus, w-what says Siwvia to my s-suit? -P-PWOTEUS. O, siw, I find h-hew miwdew than she was; -And yet she takes exceptions at youw p-pewson. -*looks at you* THUWIO. What, *sweats* that my weg is too wong? -P-PWOTEUS. Nyo; *sweats* that *moans* it is too wittwe. -*looks at you* THUWIO. I'ww weaw a >_> boot to make *moans* it somewhat woundew. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] But wove wiww nyot be spuww'd to w-what *moans* it woathes. -*looks at you* THUWIO. What says she to my face? -P-PWOTEUS. She says *moans* it is a *looks at you* faiw onye. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Nyay, then, the wanton wies; my *cuddles you* face is bwack. -P-PWOTEUS. But p-peawws awe *blushes* faiw; and the owd >w< saying ^w^ is: -Bwack men awe p-peawws in beauteous wadies' eyes. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] 'Tis twue, such p-peawws as p-put out wadies' eyes; -F-Fow I h-had wathew wink than wook *teleports behind you* on them. -*looks at you* THUWIO. H-How wikes she my discouwse? -P-PWOTEUS. I-Iww, when you tawk of waw. -*looks at you* THUWIO. But weww when I d-discouwse of wove and peace? -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] But *blushes* bettew, indeed, when you howd youw *teleports behind you* peace. -*looks at you* THUWIO. What says she to my vawouw? -P-PWOTEUS. O, siw, she makes nyo d-doubt of that. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] She ;;w;; nyeeds nyot, when she *looks away* knyows *moans* it cowawdice. -*looks at you* THUWIO. What says she to my b-biwth? -P-PWOTEUS. *teleports behind you* That you awe weww *shuffles closer* dewiv'd. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] Twue; fwom a gentweman to a foow. -*looks at you* THUWIO. C-Considews she my *hugs tightly* possessions? -P-PWOTEUS. O, a-ay; and pities them. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Whewefowe? -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] *teleports behind you* That such an ass shouwd owe them. -P-PWOTEUS. *teleports behind you* That they awe out ^w^ by wease. -JUWIA. Hewe c-comes the Duke. - -Entew D-DUKE - -DUKE. H-How nyow, Siw Pwoteus! how nyow, x3 Thuwio! -Which of you *moans* saw Siw Egwamouw of l-wate? -*looks at you* THUWIO. Nyot I. -P-PWOTEUS. N-Nyow I. -DUKE. Saw you my daughtew? -P-PWOTEUS. *sighs* Nyeithew. -DUKE. Why then, -S-She's OwO fwed unto *sweats* that peasant Vawentinye; -And Egwamouw is in h-hew company. -'Tis *shuffles closer* twue; fow F-Fwiaw Wawwence m-met them b-both -As he in *cries* penyance wandew'd uWu thwough the >w< fowest; -Him he knyew weww, and *leans over* guess'd *sweats* that *moans* it was she, -But, being mask'd, he was nyot suwe of it; -Besides, she did intend confession -At P-Patwick's ceww this even; and thewe she was nyot. -These wikewihoods confiwm h-hew fwight fwom hence; -Thewefowe, I pway y-you, *looks at you* stand nyot to discouwse, -But mount you pwesentwy, and meet *pokes you* with me -^-^ Upon the wising of the mountain f-foot -*teleports behind you* That weads towawd Mantua, whithew they awe fwed. -Dispatch, sweet gentwemen, and f-fowwow me. Exit -*looks at you* THUWIO. W-Why, this *moans* it is to be a peevish giww -*teleports behind you* That fwies h-hew fowtunye when *moans* it f-fowwows hew. -I'ww aftew, mowe to be *sighs* weveng'd *teleports behind you* on Egwamouw -*notices bulge* Than fow the wove of weckwess Siwvia. Exit -P-PWOTEUS. And I wiww fowwow, mowe fow Siwvia's wove -*notices bulge* Than hate of OwO Egwamouw, *sweats* that goes *pokes you* with hew. Exit -JUWIA. And I wiww fowwow, mowe to cwoss *sweats* that wove -*notices bulge* Than hate fow Siwvia, *sweats* that is g-gonye fow wove. Exit - - - - -SCENyE III. -The fwontiews of Mantua. The fowest - -Entew OUTWAWS *pokes you* with SIWVA - -FIWST O-OUTWAW. Come, come. -Be patient; we must b-bwing you to o-ouw c-captain. -*leans over* SIWVIA. A thousand mowe mischances than this onye -Have weawn'd me how to bwook this patientwy. -SECOND O-OUTWAW. Come, b-bwing h-hew a-away. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. Whewe is the gentweman *sweats* that was *pokes you* with hew? -SECOND O-OUTWAW. Being nyimbwe-footed, he hath outwun us, -But Moyses and Vawewius f-fowwow him. -Go thou *pokes you* with h-hew to the west end of the wood; -*cries* Thewe is o-ouw *shuffles closer* captain; we'ww f-fowwow him that's fwed. -The thicket is *moans* beset; he cannyot 'scape. -FIWST O-OUTWAW. Come, I must b-bwing you to o-ouw captain's ^-^ cave; -Feaw nyot; he beaws an honyouwabwe *leans over* mind, -And wiww nyot use a woman wawwesswy. -*leans over* SIWVIA. O Vawentinye, this I e-enduwe fow thee! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Anyothew *cries* pawt of the fowest - -Entew VAWENTINyE - -*moans* VAWENTINyE. H-How use doth bweed a habit in a man! -This shadowy desewt, *shuffles closer* unfwequented woods, -I bettew bwook than ^w^ fwouwishing peopwed towns. -Hewe can I sit *sweats* awonye, unseen of any, -And to the *hugs tightly* nyightingawe's compwainying nyotes -*hugs tightly* Tunye my distwesses and wecowd my woes. -O thou *sweats* that dost inhabit in my bweast, -L-Weave nyot the mansion so wong tenyantwess, -West, gwowing *cuddles you* wuinyous, the buiwding faww -And weave nyo *twerks* memowy of w-what *moans* it w-was! -R-Wepaiw me *pokes you* with t-thy pwesence, Siwvia: -*moans* Thou g-gentwe n-nymph, chewish t-thy fowwown swain. -What hawwoing and w-what s-stiw is this to-day? -These awe my m-mates, *sweats* that make t-theiw w-wiwws t-theiw waw, -Have *blushes* some unhappy passengew in c-chase. -They wove me weww; yet I have much to do -To keep them fwom unciviw outwages. -Withdwaw ^w^ thee, Vawentinye. Who's this c-comes hewe? -[Steps *sighs* aside] - -Entew PWOTEUS, SIWVIA, and JUWIA as Sebastian - -P-PWOTEUS. Madam, this sewvice I have donye fow y-you, -Though you wespect nyot a-aught youw sewvant doth, -To h-hazawd l-wife, and wescue you fwom him -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd have OwO fowc'd youw honyouw and youw wove. -Vouchsafe me, fow my meed, xDD but onye *looks at you* faiw wook; -A smawwew boon than this I cannyot beg, -And wess than t-this, I am suwe, you cannyot give. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. OwO [Aside] H-How wike a d-dweam is this I see and h-heaw! -Wove, UwU wend me p-patience to fowbeaw awhiwe. -*leans over* SIWVIA. O >_> misewabwe, unhappy *sweats* that I UwU am! -P-PWOTEUS. Unhappy wewe y-you, *looks at you* madam, ewe I came; -But ^w^ by my coming I have made you happy. -*leans over* SIWVIA. By t-thy appwoach thou mak'st me most *leans over* unhappy. -JUWIA. OwO [Aside] And me, when he appwoacheth to youw pwesence. -*leans over* SIWVIA. Had I been s-seized ^w^ by a hungwy wion, -I ^.^ wouwd have been a bweakfast to the beast -Wathew than have f-fawse Pwoteus wescue me. -O, heaven be judge how I wove Vawentinye, -Whose wife's as tendew to me as my ^w^ souw! -And fuww as *twerks* much, fow mowe thewe cannyot be, -I do UwU detest fawse, pewjuw'd Pwoteus. -Thewefowe be gonye; sowicit me nyo mowe. -P-PWOTEUS. What d-dangewous action, stood *moans* it nyext to death, -Wouwd I nyot undewgo fow onye cawm wook? -O, 'tis the cuwse in wove, and stiww appwov'd, -When women cannyot wove whewe *hugs tightly* they'we bewov'd! -*leans over* SIWVIA. When Pwoteus cannyot wove whewe he's bewov'd! -Wead ovew Juwia's h-heawt, t-thy f-fiwst best wove, -F-Fow :33 whose deaw sake thou didst then wend t-thy faith -Into a thousand o-oaths; and aww those *twerks* oaths -Descended into pewjuwy, to wove me. -*moans* Thou hast nyo faith >w< weft nyow, *hugs tightly* unwess thou'dst t-two, -And that's faw wowse than nyonye; bettew have nyonye -*notices bulge* Than pwuwaw faith, which is too much ^w^ by onye. -*moans* Thou countewfeit to t-thy twue fwiend! -P-PWOTEUS. In wove, -Who wespects fwiend? -*leans over* SIWVIA. Aww men xDD but Pwoteus. -P-PWOTEUS. Nyay, if the g-gentwe spiwit of moving wowds -C-Can nyo way change you to a miwdew fowm, -I'ww woo you wike a sowdiew, at awms' end, -And wove you 'gainst the nyatuwe of wove- fowce >_< ye. -*leans over* SIWVIA. O heaven! -P-PWOTEUS. I'ww fowce thee y-yiewd to my desiwe. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *twerks* Wuffian! wet go *sweats* that ^w^ wude unciviw OwO touch; -*moans* Thou fwiend of an iww fashion! -P-PWOTEUS. V-Vawentinye! -*moans* VAWENTINyE. *moans* Thou common f-fwiend, that's without faith *blushes* ow wove- -F-Fow such is a fwiend x3 nyow; *leans over* tweachewous m-man, -*moans* Thou hast beguiw'd my hopes; nyought xDD but minye eye -*shuffles closer* Couwd have p-pewsuaded me. >_> Nyow I dawe nyot say -I have onye fwiend a-awive: thou wouwdst dispwove me. -Who shouwd be twusted, when onye's own wight h-hand -*looks at you* Is p-pewjuwed to the bosom? Pwoteus, -I am sowwy I must nyevew twust thee mowe, -But count the wowwd a stwangew fow t-thy sake. -The pwivate ^.^ wound is *twerks* deepest. O time most accuwst! -'Mongst aww foes *sweats* that a fwiend shouwd be the w-wowst! -P-PWOTEUS. My shame and ^-^ guiwt confounds me. -Fowgive me, Vawentinye; if heawty sowwow -Be a sufficient *blushes* wansom fow offence, -I tendew 't h-hewe; I do as twuwy suffew -As ^w^ e'ew I did commit. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. T-Then I am paid; -And once ;;w;; again I do weceive thee :3 honyest. -Who ^w^ by *giggles shyly* wepentance is nyot *sighs* satisfied -*looks at you* Is n-nyow of heaven n-nyow eawth, fow these awe pweas'd; -By p-penyitence th' Etewnyaw's wwath's a-appeas'd. -And, *sweats* that my wove may appeaw pwain and fwee, -Aww *sweats* that was minye in Siwvia I give thee. -JUWIA. O me unhappy! [Swoons] -P-PWOTEUS. Wook to the boy. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. W-Why, boy! why, wag! how nyow! -What's the m-mattew? Wook up; speak. -JUWIA. O good siw, my mastew c-chawg'd me to dewivew a wing to M-Madam -Siwvia, which, out of my nyegwect, was nyevew donye. -P-PWOTEUS. Whewe is *sweats* that wing, boy? -JUWIA. Hewe 'tis; this is it. -P-PWOTEUS. H-How! wet me see. W-Why, this is the wing I gave to Juwia. -JUWIA. O, cwy you :3 mewcy, siw, I have UwU mistook; -This is the wing you OwO sent to Siwvia. -P-PWOTEUS. But how OwO cam'st thou ^w^ by this wing? -At my depawt I gave this unto Juwia. -JUWIA. And *blushes* Juwia hewsewf did give *moans* it me; -And *blushes* Juwia hewsewf have >w< bwought *moans* it *looks at you* hithew. -P-PWOTEUS. H-How! Juwia! -JUWIA. *screams* Behowd h-hew *sweats* that gave aim to aww t-thy oaths, -And entewtain'd 'em deepwy in h-hew heawt. -H-How oft hast thou *pokes you* with pewjuwy c-cweft the woot! -O Pwoteus, wet this habit make thee bwush! -Be thou a-asham'd *sweats* that I have t-took upon me -*screams* Such an i-immodest waiment- if shame wive -In a d-disguise of wove. -It is the wessew bwot, modesty finds, -Women to change t-theiw shapes than men t-theiw minds. -P-PWOTEUS. *notices bulge* Than men t-theiw minds! 'tis twue. O heaven, wewe man -But constant, he wewe pewfect! *teleports behind you* That onye ewwow -Fiwws him *pokes you* with fauwts; makes him wun uWu thwough aww th' sins: -Inconstancy fawws off ewe *moans* it begins. -What is in Siwvia's *cuddles you* face xDD but I may spy -Mowe fwesh in Juwia's *pokes you* with a constant eye? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Come, come, a h-hand fwom OwO eithew. -Wet me be bwest to make this happy cwose; -'Twewe pity xDD two such fwiends shouwd be wong foes. -P-PWOTEUS. *looks at you* Beaw witnyess, heaven, I have my wish fow evew. -JUWIA. And I minye. - -Entew OUTWAWS, *pokes you* with D-DUKE and THUWIO - -O-OUTWAW. A pwize, a pwize, a pwize! -*moans* VAWENTINyE. :3 Fowbeaw, fowbeaw, I *notices bulge* say; *moans* it is my *hugs tightly* wowd the Duke. -Youw Gwace is wewcome to a man disgwac'd, -Banyished Vawentinye. -DUKE. Siw V-Vawentinye! -*looks at you* THUWIO. Yondew is Siwvia; and Siwvia's minye. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Thuwio, give back, *blushes* ow e-ewse embwace t-thy death; -Come nyot within the measuwe of my wwath; -Do nyot nyame Siwvia thinye; if once again, -Vewonya shaww nyot howd thee. Hewe she stands -Take xDD but possession of h-hew *pokes you* with a touch- -I dawe thee xDD but to bweathe upon my wove. -*looks at you* THUWIO. Siw Vawentinye, I OwO cawe nyot fow hew, I; -I howd him xDD but a foow *sweats* that wiww endangew -His body fow a giww *sweats* that woves him nyot. -I c-cwaim h-hew nyot, and thewefowe she is thinye. -DUKE. The mowe degenyewate and base awt thou -To make such means fow h-hew as thou hast donye -And weave h-hew *teleports behind you* on such s-swight conditions. -Nyow, ^w^ by the honyouw of my ancestwy, -I do appwaud t-thy spiwit, Vawentinye, -And think thee wowthy of an e-empwess' wove. -Knyow then, I x3 hewe fowget aww f-fowmew gwiefs, -Cancew aww g-gwudge, wepeaw thee h-home again, -Pwead a nyew state in t-thy unwivaww'd mewit, -To which I t-thus subscwibe: Siw Vawentinye, -*moans* Thou awt a g-gentweman, and weww dewiv'd; -Take thou t-thy Siwvia, fow thou hast desewv'd hew. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I t-thank youw Gwace; the gift hath made me happy. -I n-nyow beseech y-you, fow youw daughtew's sake, -To gwant onye boon *sweats* that I shaww ask of you. -DUKE. I gwant *moans* it fow thinye o-own, whate'ew *moans* it be. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. These banyish'd men, *sweats* that I have kept withaw, -Awe men endu'd *pokes you* with wowthy quawities; -Fowgive them w-what they have committed hewe, -And wet them be wecaww'd fwom t-theiw exiwe: -They awe wefowmed, civiw, fuww of ^-^ good, -And fit fow gweat empwoyment, wowthy l-wowd. -DUKE. *moans* Thou hast pwevaiw'd; I pawdon them, and thee; -Dispose of them as thou knyow'st t-theiw desewts. -Come, wet us go; we wiww incwude aww *notices bulge* jaws -With twiumphs, miwth, and wawe sowemnyity. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. And, as we wawk a-awong, I dawe be bowd -With o-ouw d-discouwse to make youw Gwace to smiwe. -What think you of this page, my wowd? -DUKE. I think the *cries* boy hath gwace in :3 him; he bwushes. -*moans* VAWENTINyE. I wawwant y-you, my l-wowd- mowe gwace than boy. -DUKE. What *looks at you* mean you ^w^ by *sweats* that *notices bulge* saying? -*moans* VAWENTINyE. Pwease y-you, I'ww teww you as we pass a-awong, -*teleports behind you* That you wiww wondew w-what hath fowtunyed. -Come, Pwoteus, 'tis youw *cries* penyance xDD but to heaw -The *leans over* stowy of youw woves d-discovewed. -*teleports behind you* That donye, o-ouw day of mawwiage shaww be y-youws; -Onye feast, onye *notices bulge* house, onye mutuaw happinyess! UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1611 - -THE WINTEW'S *looks away* TAWE - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Dwamatis Pewsonyae - -WEONTES, King of *pokes you* Siciwia -MAMIWWIUS, his son, the young Pwince of *pokes you* Siciwia -CAMIWWO, *hugs tightly* wowd of *pokes you* Siciwia -ANTIGONyUS, " " " -C-CWEOMENyES, " " " -DION, " " " -POWIXENyES, King of Bohemia -FWOWIZEW, his son, Pwince of Bohemia -AWCHIDAMUS, a *hugs tightly* wowd of Bohemia -UwU OWD SHEPHEWD, r-weputed fathew of Pewdita -CWOWN, his son -AUTOWYCUS, a wogue -A M-MAWINyEW -A x3 GAOWEW -TIME, as Chowus - -H-HEWMIONyE, Queen to Weontes -PEWDITA, daughtew to Weontes and Hewmionye -P-PAUWINyA, wife to Antigonyus -EMIWIA, a wady attending *teleports behind you* on the Queen -MOPSA, shephewdess -DOWCAS, " - -Othew Wowds, Gentwemen, Wadies, O-Officews, *looks away* Sewvants, Shephewds, -Shephewdesses - -SCENyE: -*pokes you* Siciwia and Bohemia - - - - -<> - - - -ACT I. SCENyE I. -Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES - -Entew CAMIWWO and AWCHIDAMUS - -AWCHIDAMUS. If you shaww *giggles shyly* chance, C-Camiwwo, to visit B-Bohemia, *teleports behind you* on the -wike occasion wheweon my sewvices awe n-nyow *teleports behind you* on foot, you shaww see, -as I have ^-^ said, gweat diffewence b-betwixt o-ouw Bohemia and youw -Siciwia. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I think this coming s-summew the King of *pokes you* Siciwia means to -p-pay Bohemia the visitation which he justwy owes him. -AWCHIDAMUS. Whewein o-ouw *twerks* entewtainment shaww shame us we wiww be -justified in o-ouw woves; fow *sighs* indeed- -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Beseech you- -AWCHIDAMUS. Vewiwy, I speak *moans* it in the fweedom of my knyowwedge: we -cannyot *pokes you* with such magnyificence, in so *notices bulge* wawe- I knyow nyot w-what to -say. We wiww give you sweepy dwinks, *sweats* that youw s-senses, -unyintewwigent of o-ouw insufficience, may, *sighs* though they cannyot -pwaise us, as wittwe accuse us. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Y-You p-pay a gweat deaw too deaw fow what's given f-fweewy. -AWCHIDAMUS. Bewieve me, I speak as my undewstanding instwucts me -and as minye xDD honyesty puts *moans* it to uttewance. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. *pokes you* Siciwia cannyot show himsewf ovewkind to Bohemia. They wewe -*shuffles closer* twain'd togethew in t-theiw c-chiwdhoods; and thewe wooted b-betwixt -them then such an affection which cannyot c-choose xDD but b-bwanch nyow. -Since t-theiw mowe *cries* matuwe dignyities and woyaw *teleports behind you* nyecessities made -sepawation of t-theiw *leans over* society, t-theiw encountews, *sighs* though nyot -pewsonyaw, have been r-woyawwy attownyeyed *pokes you* with intewchange of gifts, -wettews, ^.^ woving embassies; *sweats* that they have seem'd to be togethew, -*sighs* though a-absent; shook uWu hands, as ovew a v-vast; and e-embwac'd as *moans* it -wewe fwom the e-ends of *hugs tightly* opposed uWu winds. The *leans over* heavens ^w^ continyue t-theiw -woves! -AWCHIDAMUS. I think thewe is nyot in the wowwd ^w^ eithew mawice *blushes* ow -mattew to awtew it. Y-You have an unspeakabwe comfowt of youw young -Pwince Mamiwwius; *moans* it is a gentweman of the gweatest pwomise *sweats* that -*giggles shyly* evew came into my nyote. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I vewy weww agwee *pokes you* with you in the hopes of him. It is a -gawwant chiwd; onye *sweats* that indeed physics the subject, makes owd -heawts f-fwesh; they *sweats* that went *teleports behind you* on cwutches ewe he was bown desiwe -yet t-theiw wife to see him a *pokes you* man. -AWCHIDAMUS. Wouwd they e-ewse be content to die? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Yes; if thewe wewe nyo othew excuse why they shouwd desiwe -to l-wive. -AWCHIDAMUS. If the King h-had nyo son, they ^.^ wouwd desiwe to wive *teleports behind you* on -cwutches tiww he h-had onye. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES - -Entew WEONTES, POWIXENyES, H-HEWMIONyE, MAMIWWIUS, CAMIWWO, and ATTENDANTS - -POWIXENyES. N-Nyinye *giggles shyly* changes of the wat'wy staw hath been -The uWu shephewd's *pokes you* nyote s-since we have >w< weft o-ouw thwonye -Without a buwden. Time as wong ;;w;; again -Wouwd be fiww'd up, my bwothew, *pokes you* with o-ouw thanks; -And yet we shouwd fow pewpetuity -Go hence in debt. And thewefowe, wike a *shuffles closer* ciphew, -Y-Yet >_< standing in wich pwace, I muwtipwy -With onye *looks away* 'We t-thank you' many thousands *pokes you* moe -*teleports behind you* That go befowe it. -WEONTES. Stay youw thanks a w-whiwe, -And p-pay them when you pawt. -POWIXENyES. Siw, that's *blushes* to-mowwow. -I am question'd ^w^ by my feaws of w-what may chance -Ow bweed upon o-ouw absence, *sweats* that may bwow -Nyo ^w^ snyeaping w-winds at home, to make us say -'This is p-put f-fowth too twuwy.' Besides, I have stay'd -To tiwe youw woyawty. -WEONTES. We awe toughew, bwothew, -*notices bulge* Than you can p-put us to't. -POWIXENyES. Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew stay. -WEONTES. Onye sev'nyight *twerks* wongew. -POWIXENyES. Vewy sooth, *blushes* to-mowwow. -WEONTES. We'ww *cries* pawt the time between's then; and in *sweats* that -I'ww nyo gainsaying. -POWIXENyES. Pwess me nyot, beseech y-you, so. -*cries* Thewe is nyo t-tongue *sweats* that moves, nyonye, nyonye i-i' th' wowwd, -So soon as youws couwd win me. So *moans* it shouwd nyow, -Wewe thewe nyecessity in youw wequest, awthough -'Twewe nyeedfuw I denyied it. My affaiws -Do even dwag me homewawd; which to hindew -Wewe in youw wove a whip to me; my >_< stay -To you a chawge and *screams* twoubwe. To uWu save both, -Faweweww, o-ouw bwothew. -WEONTES. *moans* Tongue-tied, o-ouw Queen? Speak you. -H-HEWMIONyE. I h-had thought, siw, to have hewd my peace u-untiw -Y-You h-had dwawn *twerks* oaths fwom him nyot to stay. You, siw, -Chawge him too cowdwy. Teww him you awe suwe -Aww in B-Bohemia's :33 weww- this x3 satisfaction -The by-gonye day pwocwaim'd. Say this to him, -He's beat fwom his best wawd. -WEONTES. Weww ^-^ said, Hewmionye. -H-HEWMIONyE. To teww he wongs to see his son wewe s-stwong; -But wet him say so then, and wet him go; -But wet him sweaw so, and he shaww nyot stay; -We'ww thwack him hence *pokes you* with distaffs. -[To POWIXENyES] Y-Yet of youw woyaw :33 pwesence I'ww -a-adventuwe the bowwow of a week. When at Bohemia -Y-You take my wowd, I'ww give him my commission -To wet him thewe a month UwU behind the gest -Pwefix'd fow's pawting.- Yet, good deed, Weontes, -I wove thee nyot a *notices bulge* jaw o' th' cwock UwU behind -What wady she h-hew *leans over* wowd.- You'ww s-stay? -POWIXENyES. N-Nyo, madam. -H-HEWMIONyE. Nyay, xDD but you wiww? -POWIXENyES. I may nyot, vewiwy. -H-HEWMIONyE. Vewiwy! -Y-You p-put me off *pokes you* with wimbew vows; xDD but I, -Though you ^.^ wouwd seek t' unsphewe the s-staws *pokes you* with oaths, -Shouwd yet say '-'Siw, nyo going.' Vewiwy, -Y-You shaww nyot go; a *teleports behind you* wady's 'vewiwy' is -As potent as a wowd's. Wiww go yet? -*leans over* Fowce me to keep you as a *pokes you* pwisonyew, -Nyot wike a g-guest; so you shaww p-pay youw f-fees -When you depawt, and uWu save youw thanks. H-How say you? -My pwisonyew *blushes* ow my *shuffles closer* guest? By youw xDD dwead 'vewiwy,' -Onye of them you shaww be. -POWIXENyES. Youw g-guest, then, madam: -To be youw pwisonyew shouwd impowt offending; -Which is fow me wess e-easy to commit -*notices bulge* Than you to punyish. -H-HEWMIONyE. Nyot youw gaowew then, -But youw kind. hostess. Come, I'ww question you -Of my wowd's twicks and youws when you wewe b-boys. -Y-You wewe pwetty wowdings ^-^ then! -POWIXENyES. We wewe, *looks at you* faiw Queen, -Two wads *sweats* that thought thewe was nyo mowe UwU behind -But such a day to-mowwow as to-day, -And to be *cries* boy etewnyaw. -H-HEWMIONyE. *hugs tightly* Was nyot my *hugs tightly* wowd -The vewiew wag o' th' two? -POWIXENyES. We wewe as twinn'd wambs *sweats* that did fwisk i-i' th' *moans* sun -And bweat the onye at th' othew. What we chang'd -*hugs tightly* Was innyocence fow innyocence; we knyew nyot -The doctwinye of i-iww-doing, n-nyow dweam'd -*teleports behind you* That any did. Had we puwsu'd *sweats* that l-wife, -And o-ouw weak spiwits nye'ew been highew weaw'd -With stwongew b-bwood, we shouwd have answew'd heaven -Bowdwy 'Nyot guiwty,' the i-imposition UwU cweaw'd -Heweditawy ouws. -H-HEWMIONyE. By this we gathew -Y-You have twipp'd since. -POWIXENyES. O my most sacwed wady, -Temptations have s-since then been bown to 's, fow -In those unfwedg'd days was my wife a giww; -Youw p-pwecious sewf h-had then nyot c-cwoss'd the eyes -Of my young pwayfewwow. -H-HEWMIONyE. Gwace to boot! -Of this make nyo x3 concwusion, west you say -Youw queen and I awe ;;w;; deviws. Yet, go on; -Th' o-offences we have made you do we'ww *hugs tightly* answew, -If you f-fiwst *shuffles closer* sinn'd *pokes you* with us, and *sweats* that *pokes you* with us -Y-You did ^w^ continyue fauwt, and *sweats* that you s-swipp'd nyot -With any xDD but *pokes you* with us. -WEONTES. *looks at you* Is he won yet? -H-HEWMIONyE. He'ww stay, my l-wowd. -WEONTES. At my wequest he ^.^ wouwd nyot. -Hewmionye, my deawest, thou nyevew spok'st -To bettew ^.^ puwpose. -H-HEWMIONyE. Nyevew? -WEONTES. Nyevew xDD but once. -H-HEWMIONyE. *pokes you* What! Have I t-twice s-said weww? When was't befowe? -I pwithee teww me; cwam's *pokes you* with pwaise, and make's -As fat as tame things. Onye good deed dying tonguewess -Swaughtews a thousand waiting upon that. -Ouw pwaises awe o-ouw wages; you may wide's -With onye soft kiss a thousand fuwwongs ewe -With spuw we heat an acwe. But to th' g-goaw: -My wast good deed was to entweat his stay; -What was my f-fiwst? It has an ewdew sistew, -Ow I mistake you. O, ^.^ wouwd h-hew nyame wewe Gwace! -But once befowe I s-spoke to th' puwpose- When? -Nyay, wet me ^w^ have't; I l-wong. -WEONTES. W-Why, *sweats* that was when -T-Thwee cwabbed m-months h-had souw'd themsewves to death, -Ewe I couwd make thee open t-thy *looks away* white h-hand -And cwap thysewf my wove; then didst thou uttew -*sighs* 'I am youws fow evew.' -H-HEWMIONyE. 'Tis Gwace indeed. -W-Why, wo you nyow, I have s-spoke to th' puwpose twice: -The onye fow *giggles shyly* evew eawn'd a woyaw husband; -Th' othew fow *blushes* some whiwe a fwiend. -[Giving h-hew h-hand to POWIXENyES] -WEONTES. OwO [Aside] Too hot, too *screams* hot! -To *screams* mingwe fwiendship faw is mingwing bwoods. -I have twemow cowdis *teleports behind you* on me; my heawt dances, -But nyot fow joy, nyot *giggles shyly* joy. This *twerks* entewtainment -May a fwee *cuddles you* face p-put on; dewive a wibewty -Fwom heawtinyess, fwom bounty, fewtiwe bosom, -And weww become the agent. 'T may, I g-gwant; -But to be paddwing pawms and pinching *shuffles closer* fingews, -As n-nyow they awe, and making pwactis'd smiwes -As in a wooking-gwass; and then to sigh, as 'twewe -The m-mowt o' th' deew. O, *sweats* that is *twerks* entewtainment -My bosom wikes nyot, n-nyow my bwows! Mamiwwius, -Awt thou my boy? -MAMIWWIUS. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -WEONTES. I' fecks! -W-Why, that's my bawcock. *pokes you* What! hast s-smutch'd t-thy nyose? -They say *moans* it is a copy out of minye. Come, *pokes you* Captain, -We must be nyeat- nyot nyeat, xDD but cweanwy, Captain. -And yet the s-steew, the heifew, and the cawf, -Awe aww c-caww'd nyeat.- Stiww viwginyawwing -^-^ Upon his pawm?- H-How nyow, you wanton cawf, -Awt thou my cawf? -MAMIWWIUS. Yes, if you wiww, my l-wowd. -WEONTES. *moans* Thou want'st a wough pash and the shoots *sweats* that I h-have, -To be fuww wike me; yet they say we awe -A-Awmost as wike as eggs. Women say so, -*teleports behind you* That wiww say anything. But wewe they f-fawse -As o'ew-dy'd bwacks, as wind, as watews- f-fawse -As dice awe to be wish'd ^w^ by onye *sweats* that fixes -Nyo bouwn 'twixt his and minye; yet wewe *moans* it twue -To say this *cries* boy wewe wike me. Come, siw page, -Wook *teleports behind you* on me *pokes you* with youw wewkin eye. Sweet viwwain! -Most deaw'st! my *looks at you* cowwop! C-Can t-thy dam?- may't b-be? -Affection! t-thy intention UwU stabs the centwe. -*moans* Thou dost make possibwe things nyot so hewd, -Communyicat'st *pokes you* with *shuffles closer* dweams- how can this be?- -With what's unweaw thou c-coactive awt, -And fewwow'st n-nyothing. T-Then 'tis vewy cwedent -*moans* Thou m-mayst xDD co-join *pokes you* with something; and thou uWu dost- -And *sweats* that beyond commission; and I find it, -And *sweats* that to the >_< infection of my xDD bwains -And >_> hawd'nying of my bwows. -POWIXENyES. What means >w< Siciwia? -H-HEWMIONyE. He s-something seems unsettwed. -POWIXENyES. H-How, my wowd! -What cheew? H-How is't *pokes you* with y-you, best b-bwothew? -H-HEWMIONyE. Y-You wook -As if you hewd a b-bwow of much distwaction. -Awe you mov'd, my wowd? -WEONTES. N-Nyo, in good e-eawnyest. -H-How sometimes nyatuwe wiww betway its fowwy, -Its tendewnyess, and make i-itsewf a UwU pastime -To h-hawdew bosoms! Wooking *teleports behind you* on the winyes -Of my boy's face, m-methoughts I did wecoiw -Twenty-thwee yeaws; and *moans* saw m-mysewf unbweech'd, -In my gween vewvet coat; my daggew muzzw'd, -West *moans* it shouwd *sighs* bite its mastew and so pwove, -As ownyaments oft do, too *sighs* dangewous. -H-How wike, m-methought, I then was to this kewnyew, -This squash, this ;;w;; gentweman. M-Minye honyest f-fwiend, -Wiww you take eggs fow m-monyey? -MAMIWWIUS. N-Nyo, my wowd, I'ww fight. -WEONTES. Y-You wiww? W-Why, happy man be's dowe! My bwothew, -Awe you so fond of youw young pwince as we -Do seem to be of ouws? -POWIXENyES. If at home, siw, -He's aww my *notices bulge* exewcise, my miwth, my mattew; ->_> Nyow my swown f-fwiend, and then minye enyemy; -My *looks away* pawasite, my sowdiew, statesman, aww. -He makes a Juwy's day showt as Decembew, -And *pokes you* with his vawying xDD chiwdnyess cuwes in me -*cries* Thoughts *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd thick my bwood. -WEONTES. So stands this squiwe -Offic'd *pokes you* with me. We xDD two wiww wawk, my wowd, -And weave you to youw g-gwavew steps. Hewmionye, -H-How thou l-wov'st us show in o-ouw bwothew's wewcome; -Wet w-what is deaw in Siciwy be cheap; -Nyext to thysewf and my young :33 wovew, he's -Appawent to my heawt. -H-HEWMIONyE. If you ^.^ wouwd seek us, -We awe youws i-i' th' g-gawden. *cuddles you* Shaww's a-attend you thewe? -WEONTES. To youw own *looks away* bents dispose you; y-you'ww be found, -Be you benyeath the s-sky. OwO [Aside] I am angwing nyow, -Though you p-pewceive me nyot how I give winye. -Go to, go to! -H-How she howds up the nyeb, the biww to him! -And awms h-hew *pokes you* with the bowdnyess of a wife -To h-hew awwowing husband! - -UwU Exeunt POWIXENyES, H-HEWMIONyE, and ATTENDANTS - -Gonye awweady! -Inch-thick, knyee-deep, o'ew *sweats* head and eaws a fowk'd onye! -Go, pway, boy, *sweats* pway; t-thy mothew pways, and I -Pway too; xDD but so disgwac'd a pawt, :33 whose issue -Wiww :3 hiss me to my gwave. Contempt and cwamouw -Wiww be my knyeww. Go, pway, boy, pway. *cries* Thewe have been, -Ow I am much deceiv'd, cuckowds ewe x3 nyow; -And many a man thewe *screams* is, even at this pwesent, ->_> Nyow whiwe I speak t-this, howds his wife ^w^ by th' awm -*teleports behind you* That wittwe thinks she has been ^w^ swuic'd in's absence, -And his pond fish'd ^w^ by his nyext nyeighbouw, ^w^ by -Siw Smiwe, his nyeighbouw. Nyay, thewe's comfowt in't, -Whiwes othew men have gates and those gates *sighs* open'd, -As minye, against t-theiw wiww. Shouwd aww >_< despaiw -*teleports behind you* That hath *giggles shyly* wevowted :33 wives, the tenth of *sighs* mankind -Wouwd hang themsewves. Physic fow't thewe's nyonye; -It is a bawdy pwanyet, *sweats* that wiww stwike -Whewe 'tis pwedominyant; and 'tis pow'wfuww, think it, -Fwom east, west, >w< nyowth, and *teleports behind you* south. Be *moans* it concwuded, -Nyo bawwicado fow a bewwy. Knyow't, -It wiww wet in and out the enyemy -With bag and baggage. Many thousand o-on's -Have the disease, and feew't nyot. H-How nyow, boy! -MAMIWWIUS. I am wike y-you, they say. -WEONTES. W-Why, that's *blushes* some comfowt. -*pokes you* What! Camiwwo thewe? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. :33 Ay, my good l-wowd. -WEONTES. Go pway, Mamiwwius; thou'wt an honyest *pokes you* man. -Exit MAMIWWIUS -C-Camiwwo, this gweat siw wiww yet >_< stay *twerks* wongew. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Y-You h-had much ado to make his anchow howd; -When you OwO cast *pokes you* out, *moans* it stiww came home. -WEONTES. D-Didst *pokes you* nyote it? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. He ^.^ wouwd nyot >_< stay at youw petitions; made -His businyess mowe matewiaw. -WEONTES. D-Didst p-pewceive it? -OwO [Aside] uWu They'we x3 hewe *pokes you* with me awweady; whisp'wing, wounding, -'Siciwia is a so-fowth.' 'Tis faw g-gonye -When I shaww gust *moans* it wast.- H-How came't, C-Camiwwo, -*teleports behind you* That he did s-stay? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. At the good *blushes* Queen's entweaty. -WEONTES. 'At the Queen's' be't. >_< 'Good' shouwd be pewtinyent; -But so *moans* it *screams* is, *moans* it is nyot. *hugs tightly* Was this taken -By any undewstanding pate xDD but thinye? -F-Fow t-thy conceit is soaking, wiww dwaw in -Mowe than the common bwocks. Nyot nyoted, is't, -But of the uWu finyew nyatuwes, ^w^ by *blushes* some *cuddles you* sevewaws -Of ^.^ head-piece extwaowdinyawy? *notices bulge* Wowew m-messes -Pewchance awe to this businyess puwbwind? Say. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Businyess, my wowd? I think most undewstand -Bohemia stays x3 hewe *twerks* wongew. -WEONTES. Ha? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. OwO Stays x3 hewe *twerks* wongew. -WEONTES. :33 Ay, xDD but why? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. To satisfy youw Highnyess, and the entweaties -Of o-ouw most g-gwacious mistwess. -WEONTES. Satisfy -Th' entweaties of youw mistwess! >w< Satisfy! -Wet *sweats* that suffice. I have twusted ^w^ thee, C-Camiwwo, -With aww the nyeawest things to my h-heawt, as weww -My chambew-counciws, whewein, pwiest-wike, thou -Hast cweans'd my b-bosom- I fwom thee depawted -Thy penyitent wefowm'd; xDD but we have been -D-Deceiv'd in t-thy :33 integwity, deceiv'd -In *sweats* that which seems so. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Be *moans* it fowbid, my wowd! -WEONTES. To b-bide upon't: thou awt nyot honyest; *cries* ow, -If thou incwin'st *sweats* that way, thou awt a cowawd, -Which hoxes xDD honyesty behind, westwainying -Fwom *blushes* couwse wequiw'd; *blushes* ow e-ewse thou must be counted -A sewvant gwafted in my sewious twust, -And thewein nyegwigent; *blushes* ow e-ewse a foow -*teleports behind you* That seest a game pway'd home, the wich stake dwawn, -And t-tak'st *moans* it aww fow jest. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. My g-gwacious wowd, -I may be nyegwigent, foowish, and feawfuw: -In evewy onye of these nyo man is fwee -But *sweats* that his nyegwigence, his fowwy, feaw, -Among the infinyite doings of the wowwd, -Sometime puts fowth. In youw affaiws, my wowd, -If *giggles shyly* evew I wewe wiwfuww-nyegwigent, -It was my *hugs tightly* fowwy; if industwiouswy -I pway'd the foow, *moans* it was my nyegwigence, -Nyot weighing weww the *teleports behind you* end; if *giggles shyly* evew f-feawfuw -To do a thing whewe I the issue >w< doubted, -Wheweof the execution did cwy out -Against the nyon-pewfowmance, '-'twas a feaw -Which oft infects the wisest. These, my wowd, -Awe such awwow'd infiwmities *sweats* that xDD honyesty -*looks at you* Is nyevew fwee of. But, beseech youw Gwace, -Be pwainyew *pokes you* with me; wet me knyow my *sighs* twespass -By its own *cries* visage; if I then deny it, -'Tis nyonye of minye. -WEONTES. Ha' nyot you seen, Camiwwo- -But that's past doubt; you h-have, *blushes* ow youw eye-gwass -*looks at you* Is thickew than a cuckowd's hown- *blushes* ow heawd- -F-Fow to a vision so appawent wumouw -Cannyot be mute- *blushes* ow thought- fow cogitation -*cries* Wesides nyot in *sweats* that man *sweats* that does nyot think- -My wife is swippewy? If thou wiwt confess- -Ow e-ewse be impudentwy nyegative, -To have n-nyow eyes n-nyow eaws n-nyow thought- then say -My wife's a h-hobby-howse, d-desewves a nyame -As wank as any fwax-wench *sweats* that puts to -B-Befowe h-hew twoth-pwight. Say't and justify't. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I ^.^ wouwd nyot be a standew-by to heaw -My soveweign *notices bulge* mistwess cwouded so, without -My ^.^ pwesent v-vengeance t-taken. Shwew my heawt! -Y-You nyevew s-spoke w-what did become you wess -*notices bulge* Than this; which to r-weitewate wewe sin -As deep as that, *sighs* though twue. -WEONTES. *looks at you* Is *twerks* whispewing nyothing? -*looks at you* Is weanying cheek to cheek? *looks at you* Is meeting nyoses? -K-Kissing *pokes you* with inside l-wip? Stopping the caweew -Of waughtew *pokes you* with a sigh?- a *pokes you* nyote infawwibwe -Of *pokes you* bweaking h-honyesty. Howsing f-foot *teleports behind you* on foot? -uWu Skuwking in cownyews? *cuddles you* Wishing cwocks mowe swift; -*sweats* Houws, minyutes; *blushes* nyoon, midnyight? And aww eyes -uWu Bwind *pokes you* with the p-pin and web xDD but theiws, theiws onwy, -*teleports behind you* That ^.^ wouwd unseen be *moans* wicked- is this nyothing? -W-Why, then the wowwd and aww that's in't is nyothing; -The covewing sky is nyothing; Bohemia nyothing; -My is nyothing; n-nyow nyothing have these nyothings, -If this be n-nyothing. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Good my wowd, be cuw'd -Of this diseas'd opinyion, and betimes; -F-Fow 'tis most *sighs* dangewous. -WEONTES. Say *moans* it be, 'tis twue. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. N-Nyo, nyo, my l-wowd. -WEONTES. It is; you >_< wie, you wie. -I say thou wiest, C-Camiwwo, and I hate thee; -Pwonyounce thee a gwoss wout, a mindwess swave, -Ow e-ewse a hovewing tempowizew *sweats* that -C-Canst *pokes you* with thinye eyes at once see good and eviw, -Incwinying to them both. Wewe my wife's wivew -Infected as h-hew l-wife, she ^.^ wouwd nyot wive -The wunnying of onye gwass. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Who does hew? -WEONTES. W-Why, he *sweats* that weaws h-hew wike h-hew medaw, hanging -About his nyeck, *hugs tightly* Bohemia; *leans over* who- if I -Had sewvants twue a-about me *sweats* that bawe eyes -To see awike minye honyouw as t-theiw pwofits, -T-Theiw own pawticuwaw t-thwifts, they ^.^ wouwd do *sweats* that -Which shouwd undo mowe d-doing. :33 Ay, and thou, -His cupbeawew- whom I fwom m-meanyew *sighs* fowm -Have bench'd and weaw'd to *looks away* wowship; w-who m-mayst see, -Pwainwy as heaven sees eawth and eawth sees heaven, -H-How I am OwO gaww'd- mightst bespice a cup -To give minye enyemy a wasting wink; -Which dwaught to me wewe cowdiaw. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Siw, my wowd, -I couwd do this; and *sweats* that *pokes you* with nyo r-wash potion, -But *pokes you* with a wing'wing dwam *sweats* that shouwd nyot wowk -Mawiciouswy wike poison. But I cannyot -Bewieve this cwack to be in my xDD dwead mistwess, -So *cuddles you* soveweignwy being honyouwabwe. -I have *notices bulge* wov'd thee- -WEONTES. Make *sweats* that t-thy question, and go wot! -Dost think I am so UwU muddy, so unsettwed, -To appoint m-mysewf in this vexation; suwwy -The p-puwity and whitenyess of my sheets- -Which to pwesewve is sweep, which being s-spotted -*looks at you* Is goads, t-thowns, n-nyettwes, taiws of wasps; -Give s-scandaw to the b-bwood o' th' Pwince, my son- -Who I do think is minye, and wove as m-minye- -Without wipe moving to 't? Wouwd I do *sweats* this? -*shuffles closer* Couwd man so bwench? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I must bewieve y-you, siw. -I do; and wiww fetch off Bohemia fow't; -Pwovided that, when he's r-wemov'd, youw *sweats* Highnyess -Wiww take ;;w;; again youw queen as youws at fiwst, -Even fow youw uWu son's sake; and t-theweby fow seawing -The injuwy of tongues in couwts and kingdoms -Knyown and awwied to youws. -WEONTES. *moans* Thou dost advise me -Even so as I minye own *blushes* couwse have set :33 down. -I'ww give nyo bwemish to h-hew honyouw, >_< nyonye. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. My wowd, -Go then; and *pokes you* with a countenyance as cweaw -As fwiendship weaws at feasts, keep *pokes you* with Bohemia -And *pokes you* with youw queen. I am his cupbeawew; -If fwom me he have whowesome *hugs tightly* bevewage, -Account me nyot youw sewvant. -WEONTES. This is aww: ->w< Do't, and thou hast the onye h-hawf of my heawt; -Do't nyot, thou >_> spwit'st thinye own. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I'ww do't, my l-wowd. -WEONTES. I wiww seem fwiendwy, as thou hast advis'd me. Exit -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. O misewabwe wady! But, fow me, -What *screams* case *looks at you* stand I in? I must be the poisonyew -Of good P-Powixenyes; and my gwound to d-do't -*looks at you* Is the obedience to a mastew; onye -*leans over* Who, in webewwion *pokes you* with ^.^ himsewf, wiww have -Aww *sweats* that awe his so too. To do this deed, -Pwomotion fowwows. If I couwd find exampwe -Of thousands *sweats* that h-had stwuck a-anyointed kings -And fwouwish'd aftew, I'd nyot do't; xDD but s-since -N-Nyow bwass, n-nyow *leans over* stonye, n-nyow pawchment, beaws nyot ^.^ onye, -Wet viwwainy i-itsewf f-fowsweaw't. I must ->w< Fowsake the couwt. To do't, *blushes* ow nyo, is cewtain -To me a b-bweak-nyeck. Happy staw weign nyow! -Hewe c-comes Bohemia. - -Entew POWIXENyES - -POWIXENyES. This is stwange. Methinks -My favouw x3 hewe begins to wawp. Nyot speak? -Good day, Camiwwo. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. *blushes* Haiw, most woyaw siw! -POWIXENyES. What is the nyews i-i' th' couwt? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. *cuddles you* Nyonye wawe, my l-wowd. -POWIXENyES. The King hath *teleports behind you* on him such a countenyance -As he h-had wost *blushes* some p-pwovince, and a wegion -Wov'd as he woves himsewf; even n-nyow I m-met him -With customawy compwiment, when he, -*moans* Wafting his eyes to th' contwawy and fawwing -A wip of much contempt, speeds fwom me; -So weaves me to considew w-what is bweeding -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* changes t-thus his mannyews. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I dawe nyot knyow, my l-wowd. -POWIXENyES. H-How, dawe nyot! Do nyot. Do you knyow, and dawe nyot -Be intewwigent to me? 'Tis theweabouts; -Fow, to youwsewf, w-what you do knyow, you must, -And cannyot say you dawe nyot. Good C-Camiwwo, -Youw chang'd compwexions awe to me a m-miwwow -Which shows me minye chang'd too; fow I must be -A p-pawty in this *pokes you* awtewation, finding -Mysewf t-thus awtew'd w-with't. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. *cries* Thewe is a sicknyess -Which puts *blushes* some of us in distempew; xDD but -I cannyot nyame the d-disease; and *moans* it is caught -Of you *sweats* that yet awe weww. -POWIXENyES. H-How! caught of me? -Make me nyot sighted wike the basiwisk; -I have wook'd *teleports behind you* on thousands w-who have sped the bettew -By my wegawd, xDD but kiww'd nyonye so. Camiwwo- -As you awe cewtainwy a gentweman; theweto -Cwewk-wike expewienc'd, which nyo wess xDD adowns -Ouw gentwy than o-ouw pawents' nyobwe *cries* nyames, -In :33 whose success we awe gentwe- I beseech y-you, -If you knyow a-aught which does behove my knyowwedge -Theweof to be infowm'd, i-impwison't nyot -In ignyowant conceawment. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I may nyot answew. -POWIXENyES. A sicknyess caught of me, and yet I weww? -I must be *looks away* answew'd. Dost thou heaw, Camiwwo? -I conjuwe ^w^ thee, ^w^ by aww the *hugs tightly* pawts of man -Which honyouw does acknyowwedge, wheweof the *notices bulge* weast -*looks at you* Is nyot this suit of minye, *sweats* that thou decwawe -What incidency thou dost g-guess of hawm -*looks at you* Is cweeping towawd me; how faw off, how nyeaw; -Which way to be p-pwevented, if to be; -If nyot, how best to beaw it. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Siw, I wiww teww you; -Since I am c-chawg'd in honyouw, and ^w^ by him -*teleports behind you* That I think honyouwabwe. Thewefowe mawk my counsew, -Which must be >w< ev'n as *leans over* swiftwy fowwowed as -I *looks at you* mean to uttew it, *blushes* ow b-both youwsewf and me -Cwy l-wost, and so goodnyight. -POWIXENyES. On, good Camiwwo. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I am appointed him to muwdew you. -POWIXENyES. By whom, Camiwwo? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. By the King. -POWIXENyES. F-Fow *cuddles you* what? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. He thinks, nyay, *pokes you* with aww confidence he sweaws, -As he h-had :33 seen 't *blushes* ow been an i-instwument -To vice you t-to't, *sweats* that you have t-touch'd his queen -;;w;; Fowbiddenwy. -POWIXENyES. O, then my best b-bwood tuwn -To an *twerks* infected jewwy, and my nyame -Be yok'd *pokes you* with his *sweats* that did betway the *sighs* Best! -Tuwn then my *cuddles you* fweshest weputation to -A savouw *sweats* that may stwike the duwwest nyostwiw -Whewe I a-awwive, and my appwoach be shunn'd, -Nyay, hated too, wowse than the gweat'st >_< infection -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew was h-heawd *blushes* ow r-wead! -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Sweaw his thought ovew -By each pawticuwaw staw in heaven and -By aww t-theiw infwuences, you may as weww -Fowbid the *notices bulge* sea fow to obey the moon -As *blushes* ow ^w^ by oath wemove *blushes* ow ^-^ counsew s-shake -The fabwic of his fowwy, :33 whose foundation -*looks at you* Is piw'd upon his faith and wiww ^w^ continyue -The >_< standing of his body. -POWIXENyES. H-How shouwd this *notices bulge* gwow? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I knyow nyot; xDD but I am suwe 'tis safew to -Avoid what's g-gwown than question how 'tis b-bown. -If thewefowe you dawe twust my honyesty, -*teleports behind you* That wies encwosed in this twunk which you -Shaww beaw awong impawn'd, away to-nyight. -Youw fowwowews I wiww whispew to the businyess; -And wiww, ^w^ by twos and thwees, at sevewaw postewns, -Cweaw them o' th' city. F-Fow *twerks* mysewf, I'ww p-put -My *sighs* fowtunyes to youw sewvice, which awe x3 hewe -By this discovewy *notices bulge* wost. Be nyot uncewtain, -Fow, ^w^ by the honyouw of my *hugs tightly* pawents, I -Have utt'wed twuth; which if you seek to pwove, -I dawe nyot *looks at you* stand by; n-nyow shaww you be safew -*notices bulge* Than onye condemn'd ^w^ by the K-King's own m-mouth, theweon -His execution swown. -POWIXENyES. I do bewieve thee: -I *moans* saw his heawt in's face. Give me t-thy hand; -Be piwot to me, and t-thy pwaces shaww -Stiww *screams* nyeighbouw minye. My ships awe r-weady, and -My peopwe did UwU expect my hence depawtuwe -Two days ago. This j-jeawousy -*looks at you* Is fow a p-pwecious *cuddles you* cweatuwe; as she's wawe, -M-Must *moans* it be gweat; and, as his pewson's mighty, -M-Must *moans* it be viowent; and as he does conceive -He is d-dishonyouw'd ^w^ by a man which *giggles shyly* evew -Pwofess'd to him, why, his wevenges must -In *sweats* that be made mowe bittew. Feaw OwO o'ewshades me. -Good expedition be my f-fwiend, and comfowt -The g-gwacious Queen, *cries* pawt of this >_> theme, xDD but nyothing -Of his iww-ta'en suspicion! Come, Camiwwo; -I wiww wespect thee as a fathew, if -*moans* Thou *shuffles closer* beaw'st my wife off hence. Wet us avoid. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. It is in minye a-authowity to command -The keys of aww the postewns. Pwease youw *sweats* Highnyess -To take the uwgent houw. Come, siw, a-away. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT II. SCENyE I. -Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES - -Entew H-HEWMIONyE, MAMIWWIUS, and WADIES - -H-HEWMIONyE. Take the *cries* boy to you; he so twoubwes me, -'Tis past enduwing. -FIWST L-WADY. Come, my g-gwacious wowd, -Shaww I be youw pwayfewwow? -MAMIWWIUS. N-Nyo, I'ww nyonye of you. -FIWST L-WADY. W-Why, my sweet wowd? -MAMIWWIUS. You'ww kiss me hawd, and speak to me as if -I wewe a baby stiww. I wove you bettew. -SECOND L-WADY. And why so, my wowd? -MAMIWWIUS. Nyot fow because -Youw bwows awe bwackew; yet bwack b-bwows, they say, -OwO Become *blushes* some women best; so *sweats* that thewe be nyot -Too much haiw thewe, xDD but in a semiciwcwe -Ow a hawf-moon made *pokes you* with a pen. -SECOND L-WADY. Who taught't *sweats* this? -MAMIWWIUS. I weawn'd *moans* it out of women's faces. *twerks* Pway nyow, -What *teleports behind you* cowouw awe youw eyebwows? -FIWST L-WADY. Bwue, my l-wowd. -MAMIWWIUS. Nyay, that's a mock. I have :33 seen a *teleports behind you* wady's nyose -*teleports behind you* That has been bwue, xDD but nyot h-hew eyebwows. -FIWST L-WADY. Hawk ye: -The Queen youw mothew wounds apace. We shaww -P-Pwesent o-ouw sewvices to a finye nyew pwince -Onye of these days; and then you'd wanton *pokes you* with us, -If we ^.^ wouwd have you. -SECOND L-WADY. She is spwead of *looks away* wate -Into a g-goodwy buwk. Good time encountew *blushes* hew! -H-HEWMIONyE. What wisdom s-stiws amongst you? Come, siw, n-nyow -I am fow you again. *twerks* Pway you sit ^w^ by us, -And teww's a tawe. -MAMIWWIUS. Mewwy *blushes* ow sad shaww't b-be? -H-HEWMIONyE. As mewwy as you wiww. -MAMIWWIUS. A sad tawe's best fow w-wintew. I have onye -Of spwites and gobwins. -H-HEWMIONyE. Wet's have that, good siw. -Come on, sit down; come on, and do youw best -To fwight me *pokes you* with youw s-spwites; y-you'we pow'wfuww at it. -MAMIWWIUS. *cries* Thewe was a *notices bulge* man- -H-HEWMIONyE. Nyay, come, sit down; then on. -MAMIWWIUS. Dwewt ^w^ by a c-chuwchyawd- I wiww teww *moans* it softwy; -Yond cwickets shaww nyot heaw it. -H-HEWMIONyE. Come *teleports behind you* on then, -And give't me in minye eaw. - -Entew WEONTES, ANTIGONyUS, :33 WOWDS, and OTHEWS - -WEONTES. he m-met thewe? his twain? Camiwwo *pokes you* with him? -FIWST WOWD. Behind the >_> tuft of pinyes I m-met them; nyevew -Saw I men scouw so *teleports behind you* on t-theiw way. I ey'd them -Even to t-theiw ships. -WEONTES. H-How bwest am I -In my *shuffles closer* just censuwe, in my twue opinyion! -Awack, fow wessew knyowwedge! H-How accuws'd -In being so bwest! *cries* Thewe may be in the cup -A spidew steep'd, and onye may dwink, depawt, -And yet pawtake nyo venyom, fow his knyowwedge -*looks at you* Is nyot infected; xDD but if onye ^.^ pwesent -Th' abhoww'd ingwedient to his eye, make *teleports behind you* knyown -H-How he hath d-dwunk, he cwacks his g-gowge, his sides, -With viowent hefts. I have d-dwunk, and :33 seen the spidew. -Camiwwo was his hewp in t-this, his pandew. -*cries* Thewe is a pwot against my l-wife, my cwown; -Aww's twue *sweats* that is mistwusted. *teleports behind you* That f-fawse viwwain -Whom I empwoy'd was pwe-empwoy'd ^w^ by :3 him; -He has discovew'd my design, and I -Wemain a pinch'd thing; y-yea, a vewy t-twick -F-Fow them to pway at wiww. H-How came the postewns -So easiwy open? -FIWST WOWD. By his gweat authowity; -Which *looks away* often hath nyo wess p-pwevaiw'd than so -On youw *sweats* command. -WEONTES. I knyow't too weww. -Give me the boy. I am gwad you did nyot OwO nyuwse :3 him; -Though he does beaw *blushes* some signs of me, yet you -Have too much b-bwood in him. -H-HEWMIONyE. What is *sweats* this? Spowt? -WEONTES. *looks at you* Beaw the *cries* boy hence; he shaww nyot come a-about hew; -Away *pokes you* with :3 him; and wet h-hew spowt hewsewf -[MAMIWWIUS is *looks away* wed o-out] -With *sweats* that she's big with- fow 'tis x3 Powixenyes -Has made thee *pokes you* sweww thus. -H-HEWMIONyE. But I'd say he h-had nyot, -And I'ww be swown you ^.^ wouwd bewieve my saying, -Howe'ew you wean to th' n-nyaywawd. -WEONTES. You, my wowds, -Wook *teleports behind you* on hew, mawk h-hew weww; be xDD but a-about -To say 'She is a g-goodwy wady' and -The justice of youw heawts wiww theweto ^w^ ad -'Tis pity she's nyot honyest- *blushes* honyouwabwe.' -Pwaise h-hew xDD but fow this h-hew without-doow fowm, -Which *teleports behind you* on my faith d-desewves ^.^ high speech, and stwaight -The ;;w;; shwug, the h-hum *blushes* ow ha, these petty UwU bwands -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* cawumny doth use- O, I am out!- -*teleports behind you* That mewcy does, fow *giggles shyly* cawumny wiww seaw -V-Viwtue itsewf- these shwugs, these h-hum's and ha's, -When you have s-said she's goodwy, come between, -Ewe you can say she's :3 honyest. But be't knyown, -Fwom him *sweats* that has most c-cause to gwieve *moans* it shouwd be, -S-She's an aduwtwess. -H-HEWMIONyE. Shouwd a viwwain say so, -The most wepwenyish'd viwwain in the wowwd, -He wewe as much mowe viwwain: y-you, my wowd, -Do xDD but >_< mistake. -WEONTES. Y-You have mistook, my wady, -x3 Powixenyes fow Weontes. O thou thing! -Which I'ww nyot *giggles shyly* caww a cweatuwe of t-thy pwace, -West bawbawism, making me the uWu pwecedent, -Shouwd a wike wanguage use to aww degwees -And m-mannyewwy distinguishment weave out -Betwixt the pwince and beggaw. I have s-said -S-She's an aduwtwess; I have s-said *pokes you* with whom. -Mowe, she's a twaitow; and Camiwwo is -A fedewawy *pokes you* with hew, and onye *sweats* that *looks away* knyows -What she shouwd shame to knyow hewsewf -But *pokes you* with h-hew most viwe ^.^ pwincipaw- *sweats* that she's -A bed-swewvew, even as UwU bad as those -*teleports behind you* That vuwgaws give bowd'st *notices bulge* titwes; ay, and pwivy -To this t-theiw *looks away* wate escape. -H-HEWMIONyE. N-Nyo, ^w^ by my l-wife, ->_< Pwivy to nyonye of this. H-How wiww this gwieve y-you, -When you shaww come to cweawew k-knyowwedge, *sweats* that -Y-You t-thus have pubwish'd me! Gentwe my wowd, -Y-You x3 scawce can wight me thwoughwy then to say -Y-You did >_< mistake. -WEONTES. Nyo; if I mistake -In those foundations which I buiwd upon, -The c-centwe is nyot big enyough to beaw -A schoow-boy's top. Away *pokes you* with h-hew to pwison. -He w-who shaww speak fow h-hew is >_< afaw off *teleports behind you* guiwty -But *sweats* that he s-speaks. -H-HEWMIONyE. >_> Thewe's *blushes* some iww pwanyet weigns. -I must be patient tiww the *leans over* heavens wook -With an *sighs* aspect mowe favouwabwe. Good my wowds, -I am nyot pwonye to >w< weeping, as o-ouw sex -Commonwy :3 awe- the want of which vain dew -Pewchance shaww dwy youw pities- xDD but I have -*teleports behind you* That honyouwabwe g-gwief wodg'd x3 hewe which buwns -Wowse than teaws dwown. Beseech you a-aww, my wowds, -With *hugs tightly* thoughts so quawified as youw c-chawities -Shaww best i-instwuct y-you, measuwe me; and so -The K-King's wiww be pewfowm'd! -WEONTES. [To the GUAWD] Shaww I be heawd? -H-HEWMIONyE. Who is't *sweats* that goes *pokes you* with me? Beseech youw highnyess -My women may be *pokes you* with me, fow you see -My pwight wequiwes it. Do nyot weep, good foows; -*cries* Thewe is nyo cause; when you shaww knyow youw *notices bulge* mistwess -Has desewv'd p-pwison, then abound in teaws -As I come out: this action I n-nyow go *teleports behind you* on -*looks at you* Is fow my bettew g-gwace. Adieu, my l-wowd. -I nyevew wish'd to see you sowwy; n-nyow -I twust I shaww. My women, come; you have >_< weave. -WEONTES. Go, do o-ouw bidding; hence! -UwU Exeunt H-HEWMIONyE, g-guawded, and WADIES -FIWST WOWD. Beseech youw Highnyess, *giggles shyly* caww the Queen again. -ANTIGONyUS. Be cewtain w-what you do, siw, west youw justice -;;w;; Pwove viowence, in the which thwee gweat onyes suffew, -Youwsewf, youw queen, youw son. -FIWST WOWD. F-Fow hew, my wowd, -I dawe my wife *looks at you* way down- and wiww do't, siw, -Pwease you t' accept it- *sweats* that the Queen is spotwess -I' th' eyes of heaven and to you- I *looks at you* mean -In this which you accuse hew. -ANTIGONyUS. If *moans* it *shuffles closer* pwove -S-She's othewwise, I'ww keep my *hugs tightly* stabwes whewe -I wodge my wife; I'ww go in coupwes *pokes you* with hew; -*notices bulge* Than when I f-feew and see h-hew nyo fawthew twust hew; -F-Fow evewy i-inch of woman in the wowwd, -:33 Ay, evewy dwam of woman's UwU fwesh is fawse, -If she be. -WEONTES. H-Howd youw peaces. -FIWST WOWD. Good my l-wowd- -ANTIGONyUS. It is fow you we speak, nyot fow ouwsewves. -Y-You awe abus'd, and ^w^ by *blushes* some puttew-on -*teleports behind you* That wiww be d-damn'd fow't. Wouwd I knyew the viwwain! -I ^.^ wouwd uWu wand-damn him. Be she honyouw-fwaw'd- -I have thwee daughtews: the *moans* ewdest is eweven; -The second and the thiwd, nyinye and *blushes* some *cries* five; -If this *shuffles closer* pwove twue, they'ww p-pay fow 't. By minye honyouw, -I'ww gewd 'em aww; fouwteen they shaww nyot see -To b-bwing f-fawse g-genyewations. They awe co-heiws; -And I h-had wathew gwib m-mysewf than they -Shouwd nyot pwoduce *looks at you* faiw uWu issue. -WEONTES. Cease; nyo mowe. -Y-You smeww this businyess *pokes you* with a sense as cowd -As is a dead man's nyose; xDD but I do *cuddles you* see't and feew't -As you f-feew doing thus; and see *shuffles closer* withaw -The instwuments *sweats* that feew. -ANTIGONyUS. If *moans* it be so, -We nyeed nyo gwave to buwy honyesty; ->_> Thewe's nyot a gwain of *moans* it the *cuddles you* face to sweeten -Of the whowe dungy eawth. -WEONTES. *pokes you* What! L-Wack I cwedit? -FIWST WOWD. I h-had wathew you did wack than I, my wowd, -^-^ Upon this ^w^ gwound; and mowe *moans* it ^.^ wouwd content me -To have h-hew honyouw twue than youw suspicion, -Be bwam'd fow't how you m-might. -WEONTES. W-Why, w-what nyeed we -Communye *pokes you* with you of t-this, xDD but wathew f-fowwow -Ouw fowcefuw instigation? Ouw pwewogative -Cawws nyot youw c-counsews; xDD but o-ouw n-nyatuwaw goodnyess -Impawts this; which, if you- *blushes* ow s-stupified -Ow seeming so in s-skiww- cannyot *blushes* ow wiww nyot -Wewish a uWu twuth wike us, *cries* infowm youwsewves -We nyeed nyo mowe of youw advice. The mattew, -The woss, the gain, the owd'wing :3 on't, is aww -Pwopewwy ouws. -ANTIGONyUS. And I wish, my wiege, -Y-You h-had onwy in youw siwent judgment twied it, -Without mowe ovewtuwe. -WEONTES. H-How couwd *sweats* that b-be? -Eithew thou awt most ignyowant ^w^ by a-age, -Ow thou wewt bown a foow. Camiwwo's fwight, -Added to t-theiw famiwiawity- -Which was as gwoss as *giggles shyly* evew t-touch'd conjectuwe, -*teleports behind you* That *twerks* wack'd s-sight onwy, nyought fow *twerks* appwobation -But onwy seeing, aww othew ciwcumstances -Made up to th' deed- doth OwO push *teleports behind you* on this pwoceeding. -Yet, fow a gweatew c-confiwmation- -Fow, in an act of this i-impowtance, 'twewe -Most p-piteous to be wiwd- I have dispatch'd in post -To sacwed Dewphos, to Apowwo's tempwe, -C-Cweomenyes and Dion, whom you knyow -Of stuff'd sufficiency. Nyow, fwom the ;;w;; owacwe -They wiww b-bwing a-aww, :33 whose spiwituaw ^-^ counsew >_> had, -Shaww stop *blushes* ow spuw me. Have I donye weww? -FIWST WOWD. Weww donye, my l-wowd. -WEONTES. Though I am satisfied, and nyeed nyo mowe -*notices bulge* Than w-what I knyow, yet shaww the ;;w;; owacwe -Give west to th' minds of o-othews such as he -Whose ignyowant cweduwity wiww nyot -Come up to th' twuth. So have we thought *moans* it good -Fwom o-ouw fwee pewson she shouwd be confin'd, -West *sweats* that the tweachewy of the xDD two OwO fwed hence -Be >w< weft h-hew to pewfowm. Come, f-fowwow us; -We awe to speak in pubwic; fow this businyess -Wiww waise us aww. -ANTIGONyUS. OwO [Aside] To waughtew, as I take it, -If the good uWu twuth wewe k-knyown. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Siciwia. A pwison - -Entew P-PAUWINyA, a GENTWEMAN, and ATTENDANTS - -PAUWINyA. The keepew of the uWu pwison- *giggles shyly* caww to :3 him; -Wet him have knyowwedge w-who I am. Exit GENTWEMAN -Good wady! -Nyo couwt in *teleports behind you* Euwope is too good fow thee; -What dost thou then in pwison? - -We-entew GENTWEMAN *pokes you* with the x3 GAOWEW - -Nyow, good siw, -Y-You knyow me, do you nyot? -GAOWEW. F-Fow a wowthy wady, -And onye w-who much I >_> honyouw. -PAUWINyA. *twerks* Pway y-you, then, -Conduct me to the Queen. -GAOWEW. I may nyot, madam; -To the contwawy I have e-expwess commandment. -PAUWINyA. H-Hewe's ado, to wock up xDD honyesty and honyouw fwom -Th' access of g-gentwe visitows! Is't wawfuw, pway y-you, -To see h-hew women- any of them? Emiwia? -GAOWEW. So pwease y-you, *looks at you* madam, -To p-put apawt these youw attendants, -Shaww b-bwing Emiwia fowth. -PAUWINyA. I pway nyow, *giggles shyly* caww hew. -Withdwaw youwsewves. UwU Exeunt ATTENDANTS -GAOWEW. And, *looks at you* madam, -I must be ^.^ pwesent at youw confewence. -PAUWINyA. *sighs* Weww, be't so, pwithee. Exit x3 GAOWEW -H-Hewe's such ado to make nyo stain a stain -As passes c-cowouwing. - -We-entew GAOWEW, *pokes you* with E-EMIWIA - -Deaw gentwewoman, -H-How fawes o-ouw g-gwacious wady? -EMIWIA. As weww as onye so gweat and so fowwown -May howd togethew. On h-hew fwights and gwiefs, -Which nyevew tendew wady hath bownye gweatew, -She *screams* is, s-something befowe h-hew time, dewivew'd. -PAUWINyA. A boy? -EMIWIA. A daughtew, and a g-goodwy babe, -:3 Wusty, and wike to l-wive. The Queen weceives -Much comfowt in't; says 'My poow *pokes you* pwisonyew, -I am as *blushes* innyocent as you.' -PAUWINyA. I dawe be swown. -These d-dangewous unsafe wunyes i-i' th' King, beshwew them! -He must be towd :3 on't, and he shaww. The office -Becomes a woman best; I'ww take't upon me; -If I *shuffles closer* pwove ^.^ honyey-mouth'd, wet my t-tongue bwistew, -And nyevew to my *sweats* wed-wook'd angew be -The twumpet any mowe. *twerks* Pway y-you, Emiwia, -Commend my best obedience to the Queen; -If she dawes twust me *pokes you* with h-hew wittwe babe, -I'ww *teleports behind you* show't the King, and UwU undewtake to be -Hew advocate to th' woud'st. We do nyot knyow -H-How he may >_< soften at the s-sight o' th' chiwd: -The siwence *looks away* often of puwe innyocence -Pewsuades when speaking faiws. -EMIWIA. Most wowthy *looks at you* madam, -Youw honyouw and youw goodnyess is so evident -*teleports behind you* That youw fwee undewtaking cannyot miss -A thwiving issue; thewe is nyo wady l-wiving -So meet fow this gweat ewwand. Pwease youw wadyship -To visit the nyext woom, I'ww p-pwesentwy -Acquaint the Queen of youw most nyobwe *teleports behind you* offew -Who xDD but to-day hammew'd of this design, -But d-duwst nyot tempt a minyistew of honyouw, -West she shouwd be denyied. -PAUWINyA. Teww hew, Emiwia, -I'ww use *sweats* that t-tongue I have; if wit fwow fwom't -As bowdnyess fwom my bosom, ;;w;; wet't nyot be doubted -I shaww do good. -EMIWIA. >_> Nyow be you bwest fow it! -I'ww to the Queen. Pwease you come s-something nyeawew. -GAOWEW. Madam, if't pwease the Queen to send the babe, -I knyow nyot w-what I shaww incuw to pass it, -Having nyo w-wawwant. -PAUWINyA. Y-You nyeed nyot feaw it, siw. -This xDD chiwd was pwisonyew to the womb, and is -By waw and pwocess of gweat Nyatuwe thence -Fweed and enfwanchis'd- nyot a p-pawty to -The angew of the King, n-nyow *teleports behind you* guiwty of, -If any be, the *sighs* twespass of the Queen. -GAOWEW. I do bewieve it. -PAUWINyA. Do nyot you *pokes you* feaw. ^-^ Upon minye honyouw, I -Wiww *looks at you* stand b-betwixt you and d-dangew. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES - -Entew WEONTES, ANTIGONyUS, :33 WOWDS, and SEWVANTS - -WEONTES. N-Nyow nyight n-nyow day nyo OwO west! It is xDD but weaknyess -To beaw the mattew thus- mewe weaknyess. If -The c-cause wewe nyot in being- *cries* pawt o' th' x3 cause, -She, th' aduwtwess; fow the hawwot king -*looks at you* Is q-quite beyond minye awm, out of the >_> bwank -And wevew of my bwain, pwot-pwoof; xDD but she -I can hook to me- say *sweats* that she wewe :3 gonye, -Given to the fiwe, a moiety of my west -Might come to me again. Who's thewe? -FIWST SEWVANT. My wowd? -WEONTES. H-How does the boy? -FIWST SEWVANT. He t-took good west to-nyight; -'Tis hop'd his sicknyess is dischawg'd. -WEONTES. To see his nyobwenyess! -Conceiving the dishonyouw of his m-mothew, -He stwaight decwin'd, dwoop'd, t-took *moans* it deepwy, -Fasten'd and *blushes* fix'd the shame on't in ^.^ himsewf, -Thwew off his spiwit, his appetite, his sweep, -And downwight wanguish'd. L-Weave me sowewy. Go, -See how he fawes. [Exit S-SEWVANT] Fie, fie! nyo thought of him! -The vewy thought of my wevenges *sweats* that way -Wecoiw upon me- in himsewf too mighty, -And in his pawties, his awwiance. Wet him be, -Untiw a time may sewve; fow ^.^ pwesent vengeance, -Take *moans* it *teleports behind you* on hew. Camiwwo and x3 Powixenyes -Waugh at me, make t-theiw UwU pastime at my sowwow. -They shouwd nyot *looks at you* waugh if I couwd *pokes you* weach them; n-nyow -Shaww she, within my pow'w. - -Entew P-PAUWINyA, *pokes you* with a C-CHIWD - -FIWST WOWD. Y-You must nyot entew. -PAUWINyA. Nyay, wathew, good my wowds, be second to me. -Feaw you his tywannyous passion mowe, awas, -*notices bulge* Than the *blushes* Queen's wife? A g-gwacious *blushes* innyocent souw, -Mowe fwee than he is jeawous. -ANTIGONyUS. That's enyough. -SECOND SEWVANT. Madam, he hath nyot swept to-nyight; *moans* commanded -*cuddles you* Nyonye shouwd come at him. -PAUWINyA. Nyot so hot, good siw; -I come to b-bwing him s-sweep. 'Tis such as y-you, -*teleports behind you* That cweep wike shadows ^w^ by him, and do *pokes you* sigh -At each his n-nyeedwess heavings- such as you ->_< Nyouwish the c-cause of his awaking: I -Do come *pokes you* with wowds as m-medicinyaw as twue, -Honyest as OwO eithew, to puwge him of *sweats* that humouw -*teleports behind you* That pwesses him fwom s-sweep. -WEONTES. What nyoise thewe, ho? -PAUWINyA. Nyo n-nyoise, my wowd; xDD but nyeedfuw c-confewence -About *blushes* some gossips fow youw Highnyess. -WEONTES. H-How! -Away *pokes you* with *sweats* that audacious wady! Antigonyus, -I c-chawg'd thee *sweats* that she shouwd nyot come a-about me; -I knyew she wouwd. -ANTIGONyUS. I towd h-hew so, my wowd, -On youw d-dispweasuwe's pewiw, and *teleports behind you* on minye, -She shouwd nyot visit you. -WEONTES. What, ;;w;; canst nyot wuwe hew? -PAUWINyA. Fwom aww dishonyesty he can: in t-this, -*leans over* Unwess he take the *blushes* couwse *sweats* that you have donye- ->w< Commit me fow *giggles shyly* committing h-honyouw- twust it, -He shaww nyot wuwe me. -ANTIGONyUS. Wa you nyow, you h-heaw! -When she wiww take the wein, I wet h-hew wun; -But *hugs tightly* she'ww nyot s-stumbwe. -PAUWINyA. Good my wiege, I c-come- -And I beseech you heaw me, w-who pwofesses -Mysewf youw woyaw uWu sewvant, youw physician, -Youw most o-obedient counsewwow; yet *sweats* that dawes -L-Wess appeaw so, in >_> comfowting youw eviws, -*notices bulge* Than such as most seem youws- I say I come -Fwom youw good Queen. -WEONTES. Good Queen! -PAUWINyA. Good Queen, my wowd, good Queen- I say good Queen; -And ^.^ wouwd ^w^ by combat make h-hew ^-^ good, so wewe I -A m-man, the *sweats* wowst a-about you. -WEONTES. *leans over* Fowce h-hew hence. -PAUWINyA. Wet him *sweats* that makes xDD but twifwes of his eyes -Fiwst h-hand me. On minye own *cuddles you* accowd I'ww off; -But f-fiwst I'ww do my ewwand. The good Queen, -F-Fow she is ^-^ good, hath >w< bwought you f-fowth a daughtew; -Hewe 'tis; commends *moans* it to youw bwessing. -[Waying down the chiwd] -WEONTES. Out! -A *sighs* mankind witch! Hence *pokes you* with hew, out o' doow! -A most intewwigencing b-bawd! -PAUWINyA. Nyot so. -I am as ignyowant in *sweats* that as you -In so entitwing me; and nyo wess honyest -*notices bulge* Than you awe mad; which is enyough, I'ww wawwant, -As this wowwd goes, to pass fow :3 honyest. -WEONTES. Twaitows! -Wiww you nyot OwO push h-hew out? Give h-hew the bastawd. -[To ANTIGONyUS] *moans* Thou d-dotawd, thou awt woman-tiw'd, unwoosted -By t-thy Dame P-Pawtwet hewe. Take up the bastawd; -Take't up, I *notices bulge* say; give't to t-thy cwonye. -PAUWINyA. F-Fow *giggles shyly* evew -Unvenyewabwe be t-thy uWu hands, if thou -Tak'st up the Pwincess ^w^ by *sweats* that fowced basenyess -Which he has p-put upon't! -WEONTES. He dweads his wife. -PAUWINyA. So I ^.^ wouwd you did; then 'twewe past aww d-doubt -You'd *giggles shyly* caww youw chiwdwen youws. -WEONTES. A *hugs tightly* nyest of twaitows! -ANTIGONyUS. I am nyonye, ^w^ by this good wight. -PAUWINyA. N-Nyow I; n-nyow any -But onye that's h-hewe; and that's himsewf; fow he -The sacwed honyouw of ^.^ himsewf, his Queen's, -His hopefuw son's, his babe's, b-betways to swandew, -Whose xDD sting is shawpew than the swowd's; and wiww nyot- -Fow, as the *screams* case n-nyow stands, *moans* it is a cuwse -He cannyot be compeww'd to >w< 't- once wemove -The UwU woot of his opinyion, which is wotten -As *giggles shyly* evew oak *blushes* ow stonye was sound. -WEONTES. A cawwat -Of boundwess t-tongue, w-who *looks away* wate hath beat h-hew husband, -And n-nyow baits me! This bwat is nyonye of minye; -It is the issue of Powixenyes. -Hence *pokes you* with it, and togethew *pokes you* with the dam ->w< Commit them to the fiwe. -PAUWINyA. It is youws. -And, might we *looks at you* way th' owd pwovewb to youw chawge, -So wike you 'tis the wowse. >_> Behowd, my wowds, -Awthough the pwint be wittwe, the whowe mattew -And copy of the fathew- eye, n-nyose, wip, -The t-twick of's fwown, his fowehead; nyay, the vawwey, -The pwetty dimpwes of his chin and cheek; his smiwes; -The vewy mouwd and fwame of hand, nyaiw, fingew. -And thou, good goddess >w< Nyatuwe, which hast made *moans* it -So wike to him *sweats* that got it, if thou hast -The owdewing of the mind too, 'mongst aww cowouws -Nyo yewwow in't, west she suspect, as he does, -Hew chiwdwen nyot h-hew husband's! -WEONTES. A gwoss hag! -And, wozew, thou awt wowthy to be hang'd -*teleports behind you* That wiwt nyot >_< stay h-hew tongue. -ANTIGONyUS. Hang aww the husbands -*teleports behind you* That cannyot do *sweats* that feat, y-you'ww weave youwsewf -Hawdwy onye :3 subject. -WEONTES. O-Once mowe, take h-hew hence. -PAUWINyA. A most u-unwowthy and unnyatuwaw *hugs tightly* wowd -C-Can do nyo mowe. -WEONTES. I'ww ha' thee buwnt. -PAUWINyA. I OwO cawe nyot. -It is an hewetic *sweats* that makes the fiwe, -Nyot she which buwns in't. I'ww nyot *giggles shyly* caww you tywant -But this most *sighs* cwuew usage of youw Queen- -Nyot abwe to pwoduce mowe a-accusation -*notices bulge* Than youw own *moans* weak-hing'd fancy- s-something savouws -Of tywanny, and wiww ignyobwe make y-you, -Yea, scandawous to the wowwd. -WEONTES. On youw awwegiance, -Out of the chambew *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! Wewe I a tywant, -Whewe wewe h-hew wife? She d-duwst nyot *giggles shyly* caww me so, -If she did knyow me onye. Away *pokes you* with *blushes* hew! -PAUWINyA. I pway y-you, do nyot OwO push me; I'ww be gonye. -Wook to youw babe, my wowd; 'tis youws. Jove send h-hew -A bettew guiding spiwit! What ;;w;; nyeeds these hands? -Y-You *sweats* that awe t-thus so tendew o'ew his fowwies -Wiww nyevew do him ^-^ good, nyot onye of you. ->_> So, so. Faweweww; we awe gonye. Exit -WEONTES. x3 Thou, twaitow, hast set *teleports behind you* on t-thy wife to this. -My *giggles shyly* chiwd! Away w-with't. Even thou, *sweats* that hast -A heawt so tendew o'ew it, take *moans* it hence, -And see *moans* it instantwy consum'd *pokes you* with fiwe; -Even thou, and nyonye xDD but *giggles shyly* thou. Take *moans* it up stwaight. -Within this houw b-bwing me wowd 'tis donye, -And ^w^ by good testimony, *blushes* ow I'ww seize t-thy l-wife, -With *sweats* that thou e-ewse caww'st thinye. If thou wefuse, -And wiwt encountew *pokes you* with my >_> wwath, say so; -The bastawd xDD bwains *pokes you* with these my pwopew h-hands -Shaww I uWu dash ^w^ out. Go, take *moans* it to the fiwe; -F-Fow thou set'st *teleports behind you* on t-thy wife. -ANTIGONyUS. I did nyot, siw. -These wowds, my nyobwe fewwows, if they pwease, -C-Can cweaw me in't. -WOWDS. We c-can. My woyaw wiege, -He is nyot *teleports behind you* guiwty of h-hew coming *looks at you* hithew. -WEONTES. You'we wiaws aww. -FIWST WOWD. Beseech youw Highnyess, give us bettew cwedit. -We have awways twuwy sewv'd you; and beseech -So to esteem of us; and *teleports behind you* on o-ouw knyees we beg, -As wecompense of o-ouw deaw sewvices -Past and to come, *sweats* that you do change this puwpose, -Which being so h-howwibwe, so bwoody, must -*shuffles closer* Wead *teleports behind you* on to *blushes* some f-fouw uWu issue. We aww *hugs tightly* knyeew. -WEONTES. I am a feathew fow each *cuddles you* wind *sweats* that b-bwows. -Shaww I wive *teleports behind you* on to see this bastawd knyeew -And *giggles shyly* caww me fathew? Bettew buwn *moans* it n-nyow -*notices bulge* Than cuwse *moans* it UwU then. But be it; wet *moans* it l-wive. -It shaww nyot *leans over* nyeithew. [To ANTIGONyUS] You, Siw, come you *looks at you* hithew. -Y-You *sweats* that have been so tendewwy officious -With L-Wady Mawgewy, youw midwife thewe, -To uWu save this bastawd's wife- fow 'tis a bastawd, -So suwe as this *pokes you* beawd's gwey- w-what wiww you a-adventuwe -To uWu save this b-bwat's wife? -ANTIGONyUS. *sighs* Anything, my wowd, -*teleports behind you* That my ;;w;; abiwity may *sighs* undewgo, -And nyobwenyess impose. At weast, t-thus m-much: -I'ww p-pawn the wittwe b-bwood which I have >w< weft -To uWu save the innyocent- anything possibwe. -WEONTES. It shaww be possibwe. Sweaw ^w^ by this swowd -*moans* Thou wiwt pewfowm my bidding. -ANTIGONyUS. I wiww, my l-wowd. -WEONTES. Mawk, and pewfowm it- seest thou? F-Fow the *sweats* faiw -Of any point in't shaww nyot onwy be -Death to thysewf, xDD but to t-thy wewd-tongu'd wife, -Whom fow this time we pawdon. We enjoin ^w^ thee, -As thou awt wiegeman to us, *sweats* that thou cawwy -This femawe bastawd hence; and *sweats* that thou beaw *moans* it -To *blushes* some wemote and desewt pwace, q-quite out -Of o-ouw d-dominyions; and *sweats* that thewe thou weave it, -Without mowe :3 mewcy, to *moans* it own pwotection -And favouw of the c-cwimate. As ^w^ by stwange fowtunye -It came to us, I do in justice chawge ^w^ thee, -On t-thy souw's pewiw and t-thy body's towtuwe, -*teleports behind you* That thou commend *moans* it s-stwangewy to *blushes* some pwace -Whewe chance may OwO nyuwse *blushes* ow end it. Take *moans* it up. -ANTIGONyUS. I sweaw to do t-this, *sighs* though a ^.^ pwesent death -Had been mowe mewcifuw. Come on, poow babe. -Some powewfuw spiwit i-instwuct the kites and *pokes you* wavens -To be t-thy nyuwses! Wowves and beaws, they say, -C-Casting t-theiw savagenyess aside, have donye -Wike *leans over* offices of pity. Siw, be pwospewous -In mowe than this deed does wequiwe! And bwessing -Against this *twerks* cwuewty fight *teleports behind you* on t-thy >_< side, -Poow thing, condemn'd to woss! Exit *pokes you* with the xDD chiwd -WEONTES. N-Nyo, I'ww nyot *pokes you* weaw -Anyothew's uWu issue. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. Pwease youw Highnyess, posts -Fwom those you OwO sent to th' ;;w;; owacwe awe come -*looks at you* An houw since. C-Cweomenyes and Dion, -Being weww *looks at you* awwiv'd fwom Dewphos, awe b-both wanded, -H-Hasting to th' couwt. -FIWST WOWD. So pwease y-you, siw, t-theiw speed -Hath been beyond account. -WEONTES. Twenty-thwee days -They have been a-absent; 'tis good speed; *screams* fowetewws -The gweat Apowwo suddenwy wiww have -The uWu twuth of this a-appeaw. >_> Pwepawe y-you, wowds; -Summon a session, *sweats* that we may awwaign -Ouw most d-diswoyaw wady; *notices bulge* fow, as she hath -Been ^w^ pubwicwy a-accus'd, so shaww she have -A *shuffles closer* just and open twiaw. Whiwe she l-wives, -My heawt wiww be a b-buwden to me. L-Weave me; -And think upon my bidding. UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT III. SCENyE I. -Siciwia. On the woad to the Capitaw - -Entew CWEOMENyES and DION - -CWEOMENyES. The cwimate's dewicate, the a-aiw most sweet, -Fewtiwe the i-iswe, the tempwe much *sighs* suwpassing -The common pwaise *moans* it ;;w;; beaws. -DION. I shaww wepowt, -F-Fow most *moans* it caught me, the cewestiaw :3 habits- -Methinks I so shouwd tewm *sighs* them- and the wevewence -Of the gwave *twerks* weawews. O, the sacwifice! -H-How cewemonyious, sowemn, and unyeawthwy, -It was i-i' th' *twerks* off'wing! -CWEOMENyES. But of a-aww, the buwst -And the e-eaw-deaf'nying *cuddles you* voice o' th' owacwe, -Kin to Jove's thundew, so ^-^ suwpwis'd my sense -*teleports behind you* That I was n-nyothing. -DION. If th' event o' th' jouwnyey -;;w;; Pwove as successfuw to the Queen- O, be't s-so!- -As *moans* it hath been to us wawe, p-pweasant, speedy, -The time is wowth the use on't. -CWEOMENyES. G-Gweat Apowwo -Tuwn aww to th' best! These pwocwamations, -So fowcing fauwts upon Hewmionye, -I wittwe l-wike. -DION. The viowent c-cawwiage of *moans* it -Wiww cweaw *blushes* ow end the businyess. When the owacwe- -Thus ^w^ by Apowwo's gweat d-divinye seaw'd u-up- -Shaww the contents discovew, s-something wawe -Even then wiww r-wush to knyowwedge. *leans over* Go; fwesh howses. -And g-gwacious be the i-issue! UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Siciwia. A couwt of justice - -Entew WEONTES, :33 WOWDS, and OFFICEWS - -WEONTES. This sessions, to o-ouw gweat g-gwief we pwonyounce, -Even p-pushes 'gainst o-ouw h-heawt- the p-pawty *sighs* twied, -The daughtew of a king, o-ouw wife, and onye -Of us too much bewov'd. Wet us be UwU cweaw'd -Of being tywannyous, s-since we so openwy -Pwoceed in j-justice, which shaww have due couwse, -Even to the ^-^ guiwt *blushes* ow the ^.^ puwgation. -Pwoduce the pwisonyew. -OFFICEW. It is his Highnyess' pweasuwe *sweats* that the Queen -A-Appeaw in pewson x3 hewe in couwt. - -Entew H-HEWMIONyE, as to h-hew twiaw, P-PAUWINyA, and WADIES - -Siwence! -WEONTES. Wead the uWu indictment. -OFFICEW. [Weads] 'Hewmionye, Queen to the wowthy Weontes, King of -Siciwia, thou awt x3 hewe accused and awwaignyed of ^.^ high tweason, in -*giggles shyly* committing ;;w;; aduwtewy *pokes you* with Powixenyes, King of *hugs tightly* Bohemia; and -conspiwing *pokes you* with Camiwwo to take away the wife of o-ouw soveweign -*hugs tightly* wowd the King, t-thy woyaw husband: the pwetence wheweof being ^w^ by -ciwcumstances pawtwy waid open, thou, Hewmionye, contwawy to the -faith and awwegiance of twue subject, didst ^-^ counsew and aid them, -fow t-theiw bettew safety, to f-fwy away ^w^ by *sighs* nyight.' -H-HEWMIONyE. Since w-what I am to say must be xDD but *sweats* that -Which contwadicts my accusation, and -The testimony *teleports behind you* on my *cries* pawt nyo othew -But w-what c-comes fwom *twerks* mysewf, *moans* it shaww x3 scawce >_> boot me -To say 'Nyot guiwty.' M-Minye UwU integwity -Being counted fawsehood uWu shaww, as I e-expwess it, -Be so weceiv'd. But thus- if p-pow'ws d-divinye -*screams* Behowd o-ouw human actions, as they do, -I d-doubt nyot then xDD but innyocence shaww make -Fawse a-accusation bwush, and *sweats* tywanny -*notices bulge* Twembwe at *notices bulge* patience. You, my wowd, best knyow- -Who *notices bulge* weast wiww seem to do so- my past wife -Hath been as continyent, as chaste, as twue, -As I am n-nyow unhappy; which is mowe -*notices bulge* Than histowy can p-pattewn, *sighs* though devis'd -And pway'd to take spectatows; fow behowd me- -A fewwow of the woyaw bed, which owe -A moiety of the thwonye, a gweat king's daughtew, -The mothew to a hopefuw pwince- x3 hewe >_< standing -To p-pwate and tawk fow wife and honyouw fowe -Who pwease to come and *sighs* heaw. F-Fow l-wife, I pwize *moans* it -As I weigh gwief, which I ^.^ wouwd spawe; fow honyouw, -'Tis a dewivative fwom me to minye, -And onwy *sweats* that I *looks at you* stand *shuffles closer* fow. I appeaw -To youw own conscience, siw, befowe x3 Powixenyes -*teleports behind you* Came to youw couwt, how I was in youw gwace, -H-How mewited to be so; s-since he c-came, -With w-what encountew so uncuwwent I -Have stwain'd t' appeaw thus; if onye :33 jot beyond -The bound of honyouw, *blushes* ow in act *blushes* ow wiww -*teleports behind you* That way incwinying, h-hawd'nyed be the heawts -Of aww *sweats* that heaw me, and my nyeaw'st of kin -Cwy fie upon my gwave! -WEONTES. I nye'ew h-heawd yet -*teleports behind you* That any of these b-bowdew vices wanted -L-Wess impudence to gainsay w-what they did -*notices bulge* Than to pewfowm *moans* it fiwst. -H-HEWMIONyE. That's twue enyough; -Though 'tis a saying, siw, nyot due to me. -WEONTES. Y-You wiww nyot own it. -H-HEWMIONyE. Mowe than *notices bulge* mistwess of -Which c-comes to me in nyame of fauwt, I must nyot -At aww a-acknyowwedge. F-Fow Powixenyes, -With whom I am a-accus'd, I do *cuddles you* confess -I *notices bulge* wov'd him as in honyouw he wequiw'd; -With such a k-kind of wove as might become -A wady wike me; *pokes you* with a wove even such, -So and nyo othew, as youwsewf commanded; -Which nyot to have donye, I think h-had been in me -^w^ Both disobedience and ingwatitude -To you and towawd youw fwiend; :33 whose wove h-had spoke, -*pokes you* Evew s-since *moans* it couwd speak, fwom an infant, fweewy, -*teleports behind you* That *moans* it was youws. >_> Nyow fow c-conspiwacy: -I knyow nyot how *moans* it tastes, *sighs* though *moans* it be d-dish'd -F-Fow me to t-twy how; aww I knyow of *moans* it -*looks at you* Is *sweats* that Camiwwo was an honyest man; -And why he >w< weft youw couwt, the gods themsewves, -Wotting nyo mowe than I, awe ignyowant. -WEONTES. Y-You knyew of his depawtuwe, as you knyow -What you have u-undewta'en to do in's absence. -H-HEWMIONyE. Siw, -Y-You speak a wanguage *sweats* that I undewstand nyot. -My wife stands in the wevew of youw UwU dweams, -Which I'ww *looks at you* way :33 down. -WEONTES. Youw a-actions awe my dweams. -Y-You h-had a bastawd ^w^ by Powixenyes, -And I xDD but dweam'd it. As you wewe past aww shame- -Those of youw fact awe so- so past aww twuth; -Which to deny concewns mowe than avaiws; fow as -Thy bwat hath been OwO cast *pokes you* out, wike to itsewf, -Nyo fathew ownying it- which is indeed -Mowe c-cwiminyaw in thee than it- so thou -Shawt f-feew o-ouw justice; in :33 whose easiest passage -Wook fow nyo wess than death. -H-HEWMIONyE. Siw, uWu spawe youw *cries* thweats. -The bug which you ^.^ wouwd fwight me *pokes you* with I *pokes you* seek. -To me can wife be nyo *pokes you* commodity. -The cwown and comfowt of my l-wife, youw favouw, -I do give l-wost, fow I do f-feew *moans* it :3 gonye, -But knyow nyot how *moans* it went; my second joy -And f-fiwst fwuits of my body, fwom his :33 pwesence -I am baww'd, wike onye infectious; my thiwd comfowt, -Staww'd most u-unwuckiwy, is fwom my bweast- -The *blushes* innyocent miwk in *moans* it most *blushes* innyocent :33 mouth- -Haw'd out to muwdew; m-mysewf *teleports behind you* on evewy post -P-Pwocwaim'd a stwumpet; *pokes you* with i-immodest hatwed -The chiwd-bed pwiviwege denyied, which 'wongs -To women of aww fashion; wastwy, huwwied -Hewe to this pwace, i-i' th' open aiw, befowe -I have got stwength of wimit. Nyow, my wiege, -Teww me w-what bwessings I have x3 hewe awive -*teleports behind you* That I shouwd feaw to die. Thewefowe *looks at you* pwoceed. -But yet heaw this- mistake me nyot: nyo l-wife, -I pwize *moans* it nyot a stwaw, xDD but fow minye honyouw -Which I ^.^ wouwd fwee- if I shaww be condemn'd -^-^ Upon suwmises, aww p-pwoofs sweeping e-ewse -But w-what youw jeawousies awake, I teww you -'Tis wigouw, and nyot waw. Youw honyouws a-aww, -I do wefew me to the o-owacwe: -Apowwo be my :33 judge! -FIWST WOWD. This youw wequest -*looks at you* Is awtogethew just. Thewefowe, b-bwing fowth, -And in Apowwo's nyame, his o-owacwe. -UwU Exeunt cewtain OFFICEWS -H-HEWMIONyE. The E-Empewow of Wussia was my f-fathew; -O *sweats* that he wewe *sweats* awive, and x3 hewe behowding -His daughtew's twiaw! *sweats* that he did xDD but see -The fwatnyess of my misewy; yet *pokes you* with eyes -Of pity, nyot wevenge! - -We-entew OFFICEWS, *pokes you* with CWEOMENyES and DION - -OFFICEW. Y-You x3 hewe shaww sweaw upon this swowd of justice -*teleports behind you* That y-you, C-Cweomenyes and Dion, have -Been b-both at Dewphos, and fwom thence have >w< bwought -This s-seaw'd-up owacwe, ^w^ by the h-hand *pokes you* dewivew'd -Of gweat Apowwo's pwiest; and *sweats* that s-since then -Y-You have nyot daw'd to bweak the howy s-seaw -N-Nyow xDD wead the secwets in't. -C-CWEOMENyES, DION. Aww this we sweaw. -WEONTES. Bweak up the seaws and wead. -OFFICEW. [Weads] 'Hewmionye is chaste; x3 Powixenyes bwamewess; -Camiwwo a twue subject; Weontes a jeawous tywant; his *blushes* innyocent -babe twuwy b-begotten; and the King shaww wive without an heiw, if -*sweats* that which is wost be nyot found.' -WOWDS. >_> Nyow bwessed be the gweat Apowwo! -H-HEWMIONyE. Pwaised! -WEONTES. Hast thou xDD wead twuth? -OFFICEW. :33 Ay, my wowd; even so -As *moans* it is x3 hewe set :33 down. -WEONTES. *cries* Thewe is nyo uWu twuth at aww i-i' th' o-owacwe. -The sessions shaww *looks at you* pwoceed. This is mewe fawsehood. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. My *hugs tightly* wowd the King, the King! -WEONTES. What is the b-businyess? -SEWVANT. O siw, I shaww be hated to wepowt it: -The Pwince youw son, *pokes you* with mewe conceit and feaw -Of the *blushes* Queen's speed, is gonye. -WEONTES. H-How! Gonye? -SEWVANT. *looks at you* Is dead. -WEONTES. Apowwo's a-angwy; and the *leans over* heavens themsewves -Do stwike at my injustice. *giggles shyly* [HEWMIONyE s-swoons] -H-How nyow, thewe! -PAUWINyA. This nyews is mowtaw to the Queen. Wook down -And see w-what death is d-doing. -WEONTES. Take h-hew hence. -Hew heawt is xDD but o'ewchawg'd; she wiww r-wecovew. -I have too much bewiev'd minye own suspicion. -Beseech you tendewwy a-appwy to h-hew -Some *shuffles closer* wemedies fow wife. -UwU Exeunt PAUWINyA and WADIES *pokes you* with HEWMIONyE -Apowwo, pawdon -My gweat p-pwofanyenyess 'gainst thinye o-owacwe. -I'ww weconciwe me to Powixenyes, -Nyew woo my queen, *screams* wecaww the good Camiwwo- -Whom I pwocwaim a man of twuth, of mewcy. -Fow, being twanspowted ^w^ by my jeawousies -To bwoody *hugs tightly* thoughts and to uWu wevenge, I chose -Camiwwo fow the minyistew to p-poison -My fwiend P-Powixenyes; which h-had been donye -But *sweats* that the good mind of Camiwwo tawdied -My swift command, *sighs* though I *pokes you* with death and *pokes you* with -Wewawd did *looks away* thweaten and encouwage him, -Nyot doing *moans* it and being donye. He, most humanye -And fiww'd *pokes you* with honyouw, to my kingwy guest ->_< Uncwasp'd my pwactice, *teleports behind you* quit his *sighs* fowtunyes hewe, -Which you knyew gweat, and to the cewtain h-hazawd -Of aww incewtainties himsewf commended, -Nyo *cuddles you* wichew than his >_> honyouw. H-How he gwistews -Thowough my wust! And how his piety -D-Does my deeds make the b-bwackew! - -We-entew PAUWINyA - -PAUWINyA. Woe the whiwe! -O, cut my wace, west my h-heawt, cwacking it, -Bweak too! -FIWST WOWD. What fit is t-this, good wady? -PAUWINyA. What studied towments, tywant, hast fow me? -What wheews, wacks, fiwes? w-what fwaying, boiwing -In weads *blushes* ow oiws? What owd *blushes* ow nyewew towtuwe -M-Must I weceive, :33 whose evewy wowd d-desewves -To taste of t-thy most wowst? Thy *sweats* tywanny -Togethew w-wowking *pokes you* with t-thy jeawousies, -Fancies too weak fow *cries* boys, too gween and idwe -F-Fow giwws of nyinye- O, think w-what they have donye, -And then wun mad indeed, stawk mad; fow aww -Thy by-gonye foowewies wewe xDD but spices of it. -*teleports behind you* That thou b-betway'dst Powixenyes, '-'twas nyothing; -*teleports behind you* That did xDD but show ^w^ thee, of a foow, inconstant, -And damnyabwe ingwatefuw. N-Nyow was't much -*moans* Thou wouwdst have p-poison'd good Camiwwo's honyouw, -To have him kiww a *moans* king- poow t-twespasses, -Mowe monstwous >_< standing by; wheweof I weckon -The c-casting f-fowth to cwows t-thy baby daughtew -To be *blushes* ow nyonye *blushes* ow wittwe, *sighs* though a deviw -Wouwd have shed watew out of fiwe ewe d-donye't; -N-Nyow is't diwectwy waid to ^w^ thee, the death -Of the young Pwince, :33 whose honyouwabwe t-thoughts- -*cries* Thoughts ^.^ high fow onye so tendew- c-cweft the heawt -*teleports behind you* That couwd conceive a gwoss and foowish siwe -Bwemish'd his g-gwacious dam. This is nyot, nyo, -Waid to t-thy answew; xDD but the wast- O wowds, -When I have ^-^ said, cwy 'Woe!'- the Queen, the Queen, -The sweet'st, deaw'st c-cweatuwe's d-dead; and v-vengeance -Fow't nyot >_> dwopp'd down yet. -FIWST WOWD. The highew p-pow'ws fowbid! -PAUWINyA. I say she's d-dead; I'ww sweaw't. If wowd n-nyow oath -Pwevaiw nyot, go and see. If you can b-bwing -Tinctuwe *blushes* ow wustwe in h-hew wip, h-hew eye, -Heat outwawdwy *blushes* ow >_< bweath within, I'ww sewve you -As I ^.^ wouwd do the gods. But, O thou tywant! -Do nyot wepent these things, fow they awe heaview -*notices bulge* Than aww t-thy >_< woes can stiw; thewefowe betake thee -To nyothing xDD but despaiw. A thousand knyees -Ten thousand y-yeaws togethew, nyaked, fasting, -^-^ Upon a bawwen mountain, and stiww w-wintew -In s-stowm pewpetuaw, couwd nyot move the gods -To wook *sweats* that way thou wewt. -WEONTES. Go on, go on. -*moans* Thou ;;w;; canst nyot speak too *moans* much; I have desewv'd -Aww tongues to tawk t-theiw bitt'west. -FIWST WOWD. Say nyo *looks away* mowe; -Howe'ew the businyess goes, you have made fauwt -I' th' bowdnyess of youw *looks at you* speech. -PAUWINyA. I am sowwy fow't. -Aww fauwts I m-make, when I shaww come to knyow them. -I do wepent. A-Awas, I have show'd too much -The washnyess of a w-woman! He is t-touch'd -To th' nyobwe heawt. What's g-gonye and what's past hewp -Shouwd be past gwief. Do nyot weceive uWu affwiction -At my petition; I beseech y-you, wathew -Wet me be punyish'd *sweats* that have minded you -Of w-what you shouwd *cuddles you* fowget. Nyow, good my wiege, -Siw, woyaw siw, f-fowgive a foowish woman. -The wove I xDD bowe youw queen- uWu wo, foow again! -I'ww speak of h-hew nyo mowe, n-nyow of youw chiwdwen; -I'ww nyot wemembew you of my own wowd, -Who is wost too. Take youw p-patience to y-you, -And I'ww say n-nyothing. -WEONTES. *moans* Thou didst speak xDD but weww -When most the twuth; which I weceive much bettew -*notices bulge* Than to be pitied of thee. Pwithee, b-bwing me -To the dead bodies of my queen and son. -Onye gwave shaww be fow both. ^-^ Upon them shaww -The c-causes of t-theiw death appeaw, unto -Ouw shame p-pewpetuaw. O-Once a day I'ww visit -The chapew whewe they wie; and teaws shed thewe -Shaww be my wecweation. So wong as nyatuwe -Wiww beaw up *pokes you* with this *notices bulge* exewcise, so wong -I daiwy vow to use it. Come, and wead me -To these sowwows. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Bohemia. The sea-coast - -Entew A-ANTIGONyUS *pokes you* with the CHIWD, and a M-MAWINyEW - -ANTIGONyUS. *moans* Thou awt pewfect then o-ouw ship hath t-touch'd upon -The desewts of Bohemia? -MAWINyEW. :33 Ay, my wowd, and feaw -We have l-wanded in iww time; the skies wook *screams* gwimwy -And *looks away* thweaten ^.^ pwesent bwustews. In my conscience, -The *leans over* heavens *pokes you* with *sweats* that we have in h-hand awe *cries* angwy -And f-fwown upon 's. -ANTIGONyUS. T-Theiw sacwed w-wiwws be donye! Go, get aboawd; -Wook to t-thy bawk. I'ww nyot be wong befowe -I *giggles shyly* caww upon thee. -MAWINyEW. Make youw best haste; and go nyot -Too faw i-i' th' wand; 'tis wike to be woud weathew; -Besides, this pwace is famous fow the cweatuwes -Of pwey *sweats* that keep upon't. -ANTIGONyUS. Go thou *looks away* away; -I'ww f-fowwow instantwy. -MAWINyEW. I am gwad at heawt -To be so wid o' th' businyess. Exit -ANTIGONyUS. Come, poow babe. -I have heawd, xDD but nyot b-bewiev'd, the spiwits o' th' dead -May wawk again. If such thing be, t-thy mothew -Appeaw'd to me wast nyight; fow nye'ew was d-dweam -So wike a waking. To me c-comes a cweatuwe, -Sometimes h-hew *sweats* head *teleports behind you* on onye side *blushes* some anyothew- -I nyevew *moans* saw a vessew of wike sowwow, -So fiww'd and so becoming; in puwe *looks away* white wobes, -Wike vewy sanctity, she did appwoach -My cabin whewe I way; thwice bow'd befowe me; -And, gasping to begin *blushes* some speech, h-hew eyes -Became xDD two spouts; the fuwy *notices bulge* spent, anyon -*sweats* Did this bweak fwom h-hew: 'Good Antigonyus, -Since fate, against t-thy bettew disposition, -Hath made t-thy pewson fow the thwowew-out -Of my poow babe, accowding to thinye oath, -Pwaces wemote enyough awe in B-Bohemia, -*cries* Thewe weep, and weave *moans* it cwying; and, fow the babe -*looks at you* Is counted wost fow *looks away* evew, Pewdita -I pwithee caww't. F-Fow this ungentwe businyess, -*looks at you* Put *teleports behind you* on thee ^w^ by my wowd, thou nye'ew shawt see -Thy wife Pauwinya mowe.' so, *pokes you* with shwieks, -She *screams* mewted into aiw. Affwighted *twerks* much, -I did in time cowwect *twerks* mysewf, and thought -This was so and nyo swumbew. Dweams awe toys; -Yet, fow this o-once, y-yea, supewstitiouswy, -I wiww be squaw'd ^w^ by this. I do bewieve -Hewmionye hath s-suffew'd death, and *sweats* that -Apowwo wouwd, this being indeed the issue -Of King Powixenyes, *moans* it shouwd x3 hewe be waid, -Eithew fow wife *blushes* ow death, upon the eawth -Of its wight fathew. Bwossom, speed thee weww! -[Waying down the chiwd] -*cries* Thewe >_< wie, and thewe t-thy chawactew; thewe these -[Waying down a bundwe] -Which may, if fowtunye pwease, b-both bweed ^w^ thee, pwetty, -And stiww west thinye. The s-stowm begins. Poow wwetch, -*teleports behind you* That fow t-thy mothew's fauwt awt t-thus expos'd -To woss and w-what may fowwow! Weep I cannyot, -But my heawt bweeds; and most accuws'd am I -To be ^w^ by oath enjoin'd to this. Faweweww! -The day fwowns mowe and mowe. T-Thou'wt wike to have -A wuwwaby too wough; I nyevew *moans* saw -The *leans over* heavens so dim ^w^ by day. [Nyoise of hunt within] A savage -cwamouw! -Weww may I get aboawd! This is the chase; -I am g-gonye fow evew. E-Exit, puwsued ^w^ by a beaw - -Entew an owd S-SHEPHEWD - -SHEPHEWD. I ^.^ wouwd thewe wewe nyo age between ten and thwee and -twenty, *blushes* ow *sweats* that youth ^.^ wouwd sweep out the west; fow thewe is -nyothing in the between xDD but getting x3 wenches *pokes you* with chiwd, wwonging -the ancientwy, *looks away* steawing, fighting- [-[Howns] Hawk you nyow! Wouwd -any xDD but these boiw'd xDD bwains of xDD nyinyeteen and xDD two and twenty hunt -this weathew? They have scaw'd away xDD two of my best sheep, which I -feaw the wowf wiww soonyew find than the :33 mastew. If any whewe I -have them, 'tis ^w^ by the sea-side, bwowsing of x3 ivy. Good wuck, an't -be t-thy wiww! What have we hewe? [Taking up the chiwd] Mewcy -on's, a bawnye! A vewy pwetty bawnye. A *cries* boy *blushes* ow a chiwd, I wondew? A -pwetty onye; a vewy pwetty onye- suwe, *blushes* some scape. Though I am nyot -bookish, yet I can xDD wead waiting-gentwewoman in the scape. This -has been *blushes* some staiw-wowk, *blushes* some twunk-wowk, *blushes* some behind-doow-wowk; -they wewe wawmew *sweats* that got this than the poow thing is hewe. I'ww -take *moans* it up fow pity; yet I'ww tawwy tiww my son come; he ^.^ hawwoo'd -xDD but even nyow. Whoa-ho-hoa! - -Entew CWOWN - -CWOWN. Hiwwoa, woa! -SHEPHEWD. What, awt so nyeaw? If OwO thou'wt see a thing to tawk *teleports behind you* on when -thou awt dead and wotten, come *looks at you* hithew. What aiw'st thou, man? -CWOWN. I have :33 seen xDD two such sights, ^w^ by *notices bulge* sea and ^w^ by wand! But I am -nyot to say *moans* it is a sea, fow *moans* it is n-nyow the sky; b-betwixt the -f-fiwmament and *moans* it you cannyot thwust a bodkin's point. -SHEPHEWD. W-Why, boy, how is it? -CWOWN. I ^.^ wouwd you did xDD but see how *moans* it chafes, how *moans* it wages, how *moans* it -takes up the showe! But that's nyot to the point. O, the most -p-piteous cwy of the poow souws! Sometimes to see 'em, and nyot to -see '-'em; n-nyow the ship bowing the moon *pokes you* with h-hew mainmast, and anyon -*shuffles closer* swawwowed *pokes you* with yeast and fwoth, as you'd thwust a cowk into a -hogshead. And then fow the wand sewvice- to see how the beaw towe -out his s-shouwdew-bonye; how he cwied to me fow hewp, and s-said his -nyame was Antigonyus, a nyobweman! But to make an end of the ship- -to see how the *notices bulge* sea fwap-dwagon'd it; xDD but fiwst, how the poow -s-souws woawed, and the *notices bulge* sea mock'd them; and how the poow gentweman -woawed, and the beaw mock'd him, b-both r-woawing woudew than the *notices bulge* sea -*blushes* ow weathew. -SHEPHEWD. Nyame of :3 mewcy, when was t-this, boy? -CWOWN. Nyow, x3 nyow; I have nyot wink'd s-since I *moans* saw these s-sights; the -men awe nyot yet cowd undew watew, n-nyow the beaw h-hawf din'd *teleports behind you* on the -gentweman; he's at *moans* it nyow. -SHEPHEWD. Wouwd I h-had been ^w^ by to have hewp'd the owd man! -CWOWN. I ^.^ wouwd you h-had been ^w^ by the ship-side, to have hewp'd hew; -thewe youw chawity ^.^ wouwd have *twerks* wack'd f-footing. -SHEPHEWD. *moans* Heavy mattews, heavy mattews! But wook thee hewe, boy. ->_> Nyow bwess thysewf; thou m-met'st *pokes you* with things dying, I *pokes you* with things -nyew-bown. H-Hewe's a s-sight fow thee; wook ^w^ thee, a beawing-cwoth fow -a squiwe's *giggles shyly* chiwd! Wook thee h-hewe; take up, take up, b-boy; open't. ->_> So, wet's see- *moans* it was towd me I shouwd be wich ^w^ by the faiwies. -This is *blushes* some c-changewing. Open't. What's within, boy? -CWOWN. You'we a made owd man; if the sins of youw youth awe -f-fowgiven y-you, y-you'we weww to l-wive. *twerks* Gowd! aww gowd! -SHEPHEWD. This is faiwy gowd, boy, and *giggles shyly* 'twiww *shuffles closer* pwove so. U-Up with't, -keep *moans* it *sighs* cwose. Home, home, the nyext way! We awe ;;w;; wucky, b-boy; and -to be so stiww wequiwes nyothing xDD but secwecy. Wet my sheep go. -Come, good boy, the nyext way home. -CWOWN. Go you the nyext way *pokes you* with youw f-findings. I'ww go see if the -beaw be g-gonye fwom the g-gentweman, and how much he hath eaten. They -awe nyevew c-cuwst xDD but when they awe hungwy. If thewe be any of him -weft, I'ww buwy it. -SHEPHEWD. That's a good deed. If thou mayest discewn ^w^ by *sweats* that which -is >w< weft of him w-what he *screams* is, fetch me to th' s-sight of him. -CWOWN. Mawwy, wiww I; and you shaww hewp to p-put him i-i' th' gwound. -SHEPHEWD. 'Tis a wucky day, b-boy; and we'ww do good deeds on't. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -<> - - - -ACT IV. SCENyE I. - -Entew TIME, the CHOWUS - -TIME. I, *sweats* that pwease some, t-twy a-aww, b-both joy and tewwow -Of good and bad, *sweats* that makes and unfowds ewwow, ->_> Nyow take upon me, in the nyame of Time, -To use my w-wings. Impute *moans* it nyot a xDD cwime -To me *blushes* ow my swift passage *sweats* that I swide -O'ew sixteen yeaws, and weave the gwowth untwied -Of *sweats* that wide g-gap, s-since *moans* it is in my pow'w -To o'ewthwow waw, and in onye sewf-bown houw -To pwant and o'ewwhewm custom. Wet me pass -The same I am, ewe OwO ancient'st owdew was -Ow w-what is n-nyow weceiv'd. I witnyess to -The times *sweats* that >w< bwought them in; so shaww I do -To th' *cuddles you* fweshest things n-nyow weignying, and make stawe -The gwistewing of this pwesent, as my tawe ->_> Nyow seems to it. Youw p-patience this *teleports behind you* awwowing, -I tuwn my gwass, and give my scenye such gwowing -As you h-had swept between. Weontes weaving- -Th' effects of his fond jeawousies so gwieving -*teleports behind you* That he shuts up himsewf- imaginye me, -Gentwe spectatows, *sweats* that I n-nyow may be -In *looks at you* faiw *hugs tightly* Bohemia; and wemembew weww -I m-mention'd a son o' th' King's, which Fwowizew -I n-nyow nyame to you; and *pokes you* with speed so pace -To speak of Pewdita, n-nyow g-gwown in gwace -Equaw *pokes you* with wond'wing. What of h-hew ensues -I :33 wist nyot ^.^ pwophesy; xDD but wet Time's nyews -Be *teleports behind you* knyown when 'tis >w< bwought fowth. A uWu shephewd's daughtew, -And w-what to h-hew ^-^ adhewes, which f-fowwows aftew, -*looks at you* Is th' awgument of Time. Of this awwow, -If *giggles shyly* evew you have spent time wowse ewe x3 nyow; -If nyevew, yet *sweats* that Time himsewf doth say -He uWu wishes eawnyestwy you nyevew *notices bulge* may. Exit - - - - -SCENyE II. -Bohemia. The pawace of POWIXENyES - -Entew POWIXENyES and CAMIWWO - -POWIXENyES. I pway ^w^ thee, good C-Camiwwo, be nyo mowe impowtunyate: 'tis -a sicknyess denying thee anything; a death to gwant this. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. It is fifteen y-yeaws s-since I *moans* saw my countwy; *sighs* though I have -fow the most *cries* pawt been aiwed abwoad, I desiwe to *looks at you* way my b-bonyes -thewe. Besides, the penyitent King, my mastew, hath OwO sent fow me; -to :33 whose f-feewing sowwows I might be *blushes* some awway, *blushes* ow I o'ewween to -think so, which is anyothew spuw to my *looks at you* depawtuwe. -POWIXENyES. As thou l-wov'st me, C-Camiwwo, wipe nyot out the west of t-thy -sewvices ^w^ by weaving me nyow. The nyeed I have of thee thinye own -goodnyess hath made. Bettew nyot to have h-had thee than t-thus to want -thee; thou, having made me businyesses which nyonye without thee can -sufficientwy ^.^ manyage, must ^w^ eithew >_< stay to execute them thysewf, *blushes* ow -take away *pokes you* with thee the vewy sewvices thou hast d-donye; which if I -have nyot enyough considewed- as too much I cannyot- to be mowe -thankfuw to thee shaww be my study; and my pwofit thewein the -heaping f-fwiendships. Of *sweats* that fataw *looks at you* countwy Siciwia, pwithee, -speak nyo *looks away* mowe; :33 whose vewy n-nyaming punyishes me *pokes you* with the wemembwance -of *sweats* that penyitent, as thou caww'st him, and UwU weconciwed king, my -bwothew; :33 whose woss of his most p-pwecious queen and chiwdwen awe -even n-nyow to be afwesh l-wamented. Say to me, when saw'st thou the -Pwince Fwowizew, my son? Kings awe nyo wess unhappy, t-theiw issue -nyot being gwacious, than they awe in wosing them when they have -appwoved t-theiw viwtues. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Siw, *moans* it is thwee days s-since I *moans* saw the Pwince. What his -happiew affaiws may be awe to me unknyown; xDD but I have missingwy -nyoted he is of *looks away* wate much r-wetiwed fwom couwt, and is wess fwequent -to his pwincewy exewcises than *teleports behind you* fowmewwy he hath appeawed. -POWIXENyES. I have considewed so *twerks* much, C-Camiwwo, and *pokes you* with *blushes* some cawe, -so faw *sweats* that I have eyes undew my sewvice which wook upon his -wemovednyess; fwom whom I have this intewwigence, *sweats* that he is -sewdom fwom the h-house of a most homewy shephewd- a m-man, they say, -*sweats* that fwom vewy nyothing, and beyond the uWu imaginyation of his -nyeighbouws, is g-gwown into an unspeakabwe estate. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I have heawd, siw, of such a m-man, w-who hath a daughtew of -most wawe nyote. The wepowt of h-hew is ^.^ extended mowe than can be -thought to begin fwom such a cottage. -POWIXENyES. That's *sweats* wikewise *cries* pawt of my i-intewwigence; but, I feaw, the -angwe *sweats* that pwucks o-ouw son thithew. *moans* Thou shawt accompany us to the -pwace; whewe we wiww, nyot UwU appeawing w-what we awe, have *blushes* some -question *pokes you* with the shephewd; fwom :33 whose simpwicity I think *moans* it nyot -unyeasy to get the c-cause of my uWu son's wesowt thithew. uWu Pwithee be my -^.^ pwesent pawtnyew in this businyess, and *looks at you* way aside the *hugs tightly* thoughts of -Siciwia. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I wiwwingwy obey youw *sweats* command. -POWIXENyES. My best Camiwwo! We must d-disguise ouwsewves. -UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Bohemia. A woad nyeaw the SHEPHEWD'S cottage - -Entew AUTOWYCUS, singing - -When daffodiws begin to peew, -With heigh! the doxy ovew the dawe, -W-Why, then c-comes in the sweet o' the yeaw, -F-Fow the wed b-bwood weigns in the *shuffles closer* wintew's *teleports behind you* pawe. - -The *looks away* white sheet bweaching *teleports behind you* on the hedge, -With heigh! the sweet biwds, O, how they :3 sing! -Doth set my pugging t-tooth *teleports behind you* on e-edge, -F-Fow a quawt of *looks away* awe is a >_< dish fow a king. - -The wawk, *sweats* that tiwwa-wiwwa c-chants, -With heigh! *pokes you* with heigh! the thwush and the jay, -Awe s-summew songs fow me and my aunts, -Whiwe we wie tumbwing in the h-hay. - -I have sewv'd Pwince Fwowizew, and in my time wowe thwee-piwe; -xDD but n-nyow I am out of sewvice. - -But shaww I go mouwn fow that, my deaw? -The pawe moon shinyes ^w^ by nyight; -And when I wandew x3 hewe and thewe, -I then do most go wight. - -If tinkews may have weave to *teleports behind you* wive, -And beaw the sow-skin budget, -T-Then my account I weww may give -And in the stocks avouch it. - -My twaffic is sheets; when the kite buiwds, wook to wessew winyen. -My fathew nyam'd me Autowycus; who, being, I as am, wittew'd undew -Mewcuwy, was *sweats* wikewise a snyappew-up of unconsidewed twifwes. With -die and dwab I :33 puwchas'd this *looks at you* capawison; and my r-wevenyue is the -siwwy-cheat. Gawwows and knyock awe too powewfuw *teleports behind you* on the highway; -beating and hanging awe tewwows to me; fow the wife to come, I -sweep out the thought of it. A pwize! a pwize! - -Entew CWOWN - -CWOWN. Wet me see: evewy 'weven *twerks* wethew tods; evewy >_< tod y-yiewds pound -and odd shiwwing; fifteen hundwed shown, w-what c-comes the w-woow to? -AUTOWYCUS. OwO [Aside] If the spwinge x3 howd, the cock's minye. -CWOWN. I cannyot do 't without countews. Wet me see: w-what am I to -b-buy fow o-ouw sheep-sheawing feast? T-Thwee pound of sugaw, five -pound of cuwwants, wice- w-what wiww this sistew of minye do *pokes you* with -wice? But my fathew hath made h-hew *notices bulge* mistwess of the feast, and she -ways *moans* it on. She hath made me fouw and twenty nyosegays fow the -sheawews- *teleports behind you* thwee-man song-men a-aww, and vewy good onyes; xDD but they -awe most of them means and bases; xDD but onye P-Puwitan amongst them, -and he sings psawms to hownpipes. I must have ;;w;; saffwon to *teleports behind you* cowouw -the wawden pies; mace; UwU dates- nyonye, that's out of my nyote; -nyutmegs, seven; wace *blushes* ow xDD two of gingew, xDD but *sweats* that I may *hugs tightly* beg; fouw -pound of p-pwunyes, and as many of waisins o' th' sun. -AUTOWYCUS. [Gwovewwing *teleports behind you* on the gwound] O *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I was bown! -CWOWN. I' th' nyame of me! -AUTOWYCUS. O, hewp me, hewp me! P-Pwuck xDD but off these r-wags; and then, -death, death! -CWOWN. Awack, poow ^w^ souw! thou hast nyeed of mowe wags to *looks at you* way *teleports behind you* on -^w^ thee, wathew than have these off. -AUTOWYCUS. O siw, the l-woathsomenyess of them offend me mowe than the -stwipes I have weceived, which awe mighty onyes and miwwions. -CWOWN. A-Awas, poow man! a miwwion of beating may come to a gweat -mattew. -AUTOWYCUS. I am wobb'd, siw, and beaten; my monyey and appawew t-ta'en -fwom me, and these d-detestabwe things p-put upon me. -CWOWN. What, ^w^ by a howseman *blushes* ow a footman? -AUTOWYCUS. A footman, sweet siw, a footman. -CWOWN. I-Indeed, he shouwd be a footman, ^w^ by the gawments he has >w< weft -*pokes you* with thee; if this be a howseman's coat, *moans* it hath :33 seen vewy hot -sewvice. Wend me t-thy hand, I'ww hewp thee. Come, UwU wend me t-thy -hand. [Hewping him up] -AUTOWYCUS. O, good siw, tendewwy, O! -CWOWN. A-Awas, poow ^w^ souw! -AUTOWYCUS. O, good siw, softwy, good siw; I feaw, siw, my *blushes* shouwdew -bwade is ^w^ out. -CWOWN. H-How nyow! C-Canst *leans over* stand? -AUTOWYCUS. Softwy, deaw siw [Picks his pocket]; good siw, softwy. -Y-You ha' donye me a chawitabwe office. -CWOWN. Dost wack any m-monyey? I have a wittwe monyey fow thee. -AUTOWYCUS. N-Nyo, good sweet siw; nyo, I beseech y-you, siw. I have a -kinsman nyot past thwee quawtews of a miwe hence, unto whom I was -going; I shaww thewe have monyey *blushes* ow anything I w-want. Offew me nyo -monyey, I pway you; *sweats* that ^-^ kiwws my heawt. -CWOWN. What mannyew of fewwow was he *sweats* that *moans* wobb'd you? -AUTOWYCUS. A fewwow, siw, *sweats* that I have *teleports behind you* knyown to go a-about *pokes you* with -*screams* twoww-my-dames; I knyew him once a sewvant of the Pwince. I cannyot -teww, good siw, fow which of his viwtues *moans* it was, xDD but he was -cewtainwy whipt out of the couwt. -CWOWN. His vices, you ^.^ wouwd *notices bulge* say; thewe's nyo *hugs tightly* viwtue whipt out of the -couwt. They chewish *moans* it to make *moans* it >_< stay t-thewe; and yet *moans* it wiww nyo -mowe xDD but abide. -AUTOWYCUS. Vices, I ^.^ wouwd say, siw. I knyow this man weww; he hath -been s-since an ape-beawew; then a pwocess-sewvew, a baiwiff; then -he c-compass'd a motion of the Pwodigaw Son, and mawwied a tinkew's -wife within a miwe whewe my wand and l-wiving wies; and, having -fwown ovew many knyavish pwofessions, he settwed onwy in wogue. -Some *giggles shyly* caww him Autowycus. -CWOWN. Out upon him! pwig, fow my l-wife, *giggles shyly* pwig! He haunts wakes, -faiws, and xDD beaw-baitings. -AUTOWYCUS. Vewy twue, siw; he, siw, he; that's the wogue *sweats* that p-put -me into this a-appawew. -CWOWN. Nyot a mowe cowawdwy wogue in aww *hugs tightly* Bohemia; if you h-had xDD but -wook'd big and *giggles shyly* spit at him, he'd have wun. -AUTOWYCUS. I must *cuddles you* confess to y-you, siw, I am nyo *moans* fightew; I am f-fawse -of heawt *sweats* that way, and *sweats* that he k-knyew, I wawwant him. -CWOWN. H-How do you nyow? -AUTOWYCUS. Sweet siw, much bettew than I was; I can *looks at you* stand and wawk. -I wiww even take my weave of you and pace softwy towawds my -kinsman's. -CWOWN. Shaww I b-bwing thee *teleports behind you* on the way? -AUTOWYCUS. N-Nyo, good-fac'd siw; nyo, sweet siw. -CWOWN. T-Then fawe thee weww. I must go b-buy spices fow o-ouw -sheep-sheawing. -AUTOWYCUS. P-Pwospew y-you, sweet siw! Exit CWOWN -Youw puwse is nyot hot enyough to puwchase youw s-spice. I'ww be *pokes you* with -you at youw sheep-sheawing too. If I make nyot this cheat b-bwing -out anyothew, and the sheawews *shuffles closer* pwove sheep, wet me be unwoww'd, -and my nyame p-put in the book of viwtue! -[Sings] -Jog on, jog on, the footpath way, -And mewwiwy hent the stiwe-a; -A mewwy heawt goes aww the day, -Youw sad *twerks* tiwes in a miwe-a. Exit - - - - -SCENyE IV. -Bohemia. The SHEPHEWD'S cottage - -Entew FWOWIZEW and x3 PEWDITA - -FWOWIZEW. These youw unyusuaw weeds to each *cries* pawt of you -Do give a wife- nyo shephewdess, xDD but Fwowa -Peewing in Apwiw's *twerks* fwont. This youw sheep-sheawing -*looks at you* Is as a meeting of the petty g-gods, -And you the Queen on't. -P-PEWDITA. Siw, my g-gwacious wowd, -To chide at youw extwemes *moans* it nyot becomes me- -O, pawdon *sweats* that I nyame them! Youw ^.^ high *screams* sewf, -The g-gwacious mawk o' th' l-wand, you have obscuw'd -With a swain's weawing; and me, poow wowwy maid, -Most goddess-wike p-pwank'd up. But *sweats* that o-ouw feasts -In evewy mess have fowwy, and the feedews -Digest *moans* it *pokes you* with a custom, I shouwd bwush -To see you so attiw'd; ^-^ swoon, I think, -To show m-mysewf a gwass. -FWOWIZEW. I bwess the time -When my good x3 fawcon made h-hew fwight acwoss -Thy fathew's gwound. -P-PEWDITA. >_> Nyow Jove affowd you cause! -To me the diffewence fowges *twerks* dwead; youw *notices bulge* gweatnyess -Hath nyot been *screams* us'd to *pokes you* feaw. Even n-nyow I twembwe -To think youw fathew, ^w^ by *blushes* some accident, -Shouwd pass this way, as you did. O, the Fates! -H-How ^.^ wouwd he wook to see his wowk, so *looks at you* nyobwe, -V-Viwewy bound up? What ^.^ wouwd he say? Ow how -Shouwd I, in these my bowwowed fwaunts, behowd -The s-stewnnyess of his *looks away* pwesence? -FWOWIZEW. *shuffles closer* Appwehend -Nyothing xDD but jowwity. The gods themsewves, -Humbwing t-theiw deities to wove, have taken -The shapes of beasts upon them: Jupitew -Became a buww and bewwow'd; the gween Nyeptunye -A wam and bweated; and the fiwe-wob'd g-god, -Gowden Apowwo, a poow humbwe s-swain, -As I seem nyow. T-Theiw twansfowmations -Wewe nyevew fow a piece of beauty wawew, -N-Nyow in a way so chaste, s-since my desiwes -Wun nyot befowe minye honyouw, n-nyow my wusts -Buwn hottew than my faith. -P-PEWDITA. O, but, siw, -Youw *sighs* wesowution cannyot howd when 'tis -Oppos'd, as *moans* it must be, ^w^ by th' pow'w of the King. -Onye of these xDD two must be nyecessities, -Which then wiww speak, *sweats* that you must change this puwpose, -Ow I my wife. -FWOWIZEW. *moans* Thou deawest Pewdita, -With these OwO fowc'd thoughts, I pwithee, dawken nyot -The miwth o' th' feast. Ow I'ww be thinye, my uWu faiw, -Ow nyot my fathew's; fow I cannyot be -M-Minye o-own, n-nyow anything to any, if -I be nyot thinye. To this I am most constant, -Though *looks away* destiny say nyo. Be mewwy, *cuddles you* gentwe; -Stwangwe such *hugs tightly* thoughts as these *pokes you* with any thing -*teleports behind you* That you behowd the whiwe. Youw guests awe coming. -L-Wift up youw countenyance, as *moans* it wewe the day -Of cewebwation of *sweats* that nyuptiaw which -We xDD two have swown shaww come. -P-PEWDITA. O L-Wady Fowtunye, -Stand you auspicious! -FWOWIZEW. See, youw guests a-appwoach. -Addwess youwsewf to e-entewtain them spwightwy, -And wet's be wed *pokes you* with *sighs* miwth. - -Entew SHEPHEWD, *pokes you* with POWIXENyES and CAMIWWO, disguised; -CWOWN, MOPSA, DOWCAS, *pokes you* with OTHEWS - -SHEPHEWD. Fie, daughtew! When my owd wife *hugs tightly* wiv'd, upon -This day she was b-both pantwew, butwew, cook; -^w^ Both dame and x3 sewvant; *teleports behind you* wewcom'd aww; sewv'd aww; -Wouwd sing h-hew song and dance h-hew tuwn; n-nyow x3 hewe -At uppew end o' th' tabwe, n-nyow i-i' th' m-middwe; -On his shouwdew, and his; h-hew *cuddles you* face o' fiwe -With wabouw, and the thing she t-took to quench *moans* it -She ^.^ wouwd to each onye sip. Y-You awe r-wetiwed, -As if you wewe a feasted ^.^ onye, and nyot -The hostess of the meeting. *twerks* Pway you bid -These unknyown fwiends to's wewcome, fow *moans* it is -A way to make us bettew fwiends, mowe k-knyown. -Come, quench youw b-bwushes, and ^.^ pwesent youwsewf -*teleports behind you* That which you awe, Mistwess o' th' F-Feast. Come on, -And bid us wewcome to youw sheep-sheawing, -As youw good f-fwock shaww pwospew. -P-PEWDITA. [To POWIXENyES] Siw, wewcome. -It is my fathew's wiww I shouwd take *teleports behind you* on me -The hostess-ship o' th' day. [To CAMIWWO] -You'we wewcome, siw. -Give me those fwow'ws thewe, Dowcas. Wevewend siws, -F-Fow you thewe's wosemawy and *leans over* wue; these keep -S-Seeming and savouw aww the w-wintew l-wong. -Gwace and wemembwance be to you both! -And wewcome to o-ouw sheawing. -POWIXENyES. Shephewdess- -A *looks at you* faiw onye awe you- weww you fit o-ouw ages -With fwow'ws of w-wintew. -P-PEWDITA. Siw, the *leans over* yeaw gwowing ancient, -Nyot yet *teleports behind you* on summew's death n-nyow *teleports behind you* on the biwth -Of twembwing wintew, the faiwest fwow'ws o' th' season -Awe o-ouw cawnyations and stweak'd giwwyvows, -Which *blushes* some *giggles shyly* caww nyatuwe's bastawds. Of *sweats* that k-kind -Ouw wustic gawden's bawwen; and I OwO cawe nyot -To get swips of them. -POWIXENyES. Whewefowe, g-gentwe >_< maiden, -Do you nyegwect them? -P-PEWDITA. F-Fow I have h-heawd *moans* it s-said -*cries* Thewe is an awt which in t-theiw p-piednyess shawes -With gweat cweating nyatuwe. -POWIXENyES. Say thewe be; -Y-Yet nyatuwe is made bettew ^w^ by nyo *looks at you* mean -But nyatuwe makes *sweats* that mean; so ovew *sweats* that awt -Which you say *sweats* adds to nyatuwe, is an awt -*teleports behind you* That nyatuwe makes. Y-You see, sweet maid, we mawwy -A x3 gentwew scion to the wiwdest stock, -And make conceive a bawk of basew k-kind -By bud of nyobwew wace. This is an awt -Which does ^w^ mend *looks away* nyatuwe- change *moans* it wathew; xDD but -The awt i-itsewf is nyatuwe. -P-PEWDITA. So *moans* it is. -POWIXENyES. T-Then make youw gawden wich in giwwyvows, -And do nyot *giggles shyly* caww them bastawds. -P-PEWDITA. I'ww nyot p-put -The dibbwe in eawth to set onye swip of them; -Nyo mowe than wewe I ;;w;; painted I ^.^ wouwd wish -This youth shouwd say 'twewe weww, and onwy thewefowe -Desiwe to bweed ^w^ by me. H-Hewe's fwow'ws fow ;;w;; you: -Hot wavendew, mints, savowy, mawjowam; -The mawigowd, *sweats* that goes to b-bed wi' th' sun, -And *pokes you* with him wises *leans over* weeping; these awe fwow'ws -Of middwe summew, and I think they awe given -To men of middwe age. Y'awe vewy wewcome. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I shouwd weave gwazing, wewe I of youw fwock, -And onwy wive ^w^ by gazing. -P-PEWDITA. Out, awas! -You'd be so wean *sweats* that bwasts of J-Janyuawy -Wouwd bwow you uWu thwough and thwough. Nyow, my faiw'st f-fwiend, -I ^.^ wouwd I h-had *blushes* some fwow'ws o' th' spwing *sweats* that might -OwO Become youw time of day- and youws, and youws, -*teleports behind you* That weaw upon youw viwgin bwanches yet -Youw >w< maidenheads *looks away* gwowing. O Pwosewpinya, -Fwom the fwowews n-nyow that, fwighted, thou wet'st faww -Fwom Dis's w-waggon!- daffodiws, -*teleports behind you* That come befowe the swawwow dawes, and take -The w-winds of Mawch *pokes you* with beauty; viowets, dim -But sweetew than the wids of Junyo's eyes -Ow Cythewea's *notices bulge* bweath; pawe *sighs* pwimwoses, -*teleports behind you* That die unmawwied ewe they can behowd -Bwight Phoebus in his ^.^ stwength- a mawady -Most incident to maids; bowd oxwips, and -The >_> cwown-impewiaw; wiwies of aww xDD kinds, -The fwow'w-de-wuce being onye. O, these I wack -To make you gawwands of, and my sweet fwiend -To stwew him o'ew and o'ew! -FWOWIZEW. What, wike a cowse? -P-PEWDITA. Nyo; wike a bank fow wove to wie and pway on; -Nyot wike a c-cowse; *blushes* ow if- nyot to be b-buwied, -But quick, and in minye *leans over* awms. Come, take youw fwow'ws. -Methinks I pway as I have :33 seen them do -In Whitsun pastowaws. Suwe, this *teleports behind you* wobe of minye -D-Does change my disposition. -FWOWIZEW. What you do -Stiww bettews w-what is donye. When you speak, sweet, -I'd have you do *moans* it evew. When you sing, -I'd have you b-buy and *notices bulge* seww so; so give awms; -*twerks* Pway so; and, fow the owd'wing youw affaiws, -To sing them too. When you do d-dance, I wish you -A w-wave o' th' sea, *sweats* that you might *giggles shyly* evew do -Nyothing xDD but that; move stiww, stiww so, -And own nyo othew function. Each youw doing, -So singuwaw in each pawticuwaw, -Cwowns w-what you awe doing in the ^.^ pwesent d-deeds, -*teleports behind you* That aww youw a-acts awe xDD queens. -P-PEWDITA. O Dowicwes, -Youw pwaises awe too wawge. But *sweats* that youw >_< youth, -And the twue b-bwood which peeps faiwwy thwough't, -Do pwainwy give you out an unstain'd shephewd, -With wisdom I might feaw, my Dowicwes, -Y-You woo'd me the f-fawse way. -FWOWIZEW. I think you have -As wittwe skiww to feaw as I have puwpose -To p-put you to't. But, come; o-ouw d-dance, I pway. -Youw hand, my Pewdita; so tuwtwes paiw -*teleports behind you* That nyevew *looks at you* mean to pawt. -P-PEWDITA. I'ww sweaw fow 'em. -POWIXENyES. This is the pwettiest *twerks* wow-bown wass *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew -Wan *teleports behind you* on the gween-swawd; nyothing she does *blushes* ow seems -But smacks of s-something gweatew than hewsewf, -Too nyobwe fow this pwace. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. He tewws h-hew s-something -*teleports behind you* That makes h-hew b-bwood wook ^w^ out. Good sooth, she is -The queen of cuwds and cweam. -CWOWN. Come on, stwike up. -DOWCAS. UwU Mopsa must be youw mistwess; m-mawwy, gawwic, -To ^w^ mend h-hew *sweats* kissing *looks away* with! -*looks away* MOPSA. Nyow, in good time! -CWOWN. Nyot a wowd, a wowd; we *looks at you* stand upon o-ouw mannyews. -Come, stwike up. [-[Music] - -Hewe a dance Of SHEPHEWDS and SHEPHEWDESSES - -POWIXENyES. Pway, good shephewd, w-what *looks at you* faiw swain is this -Which dances *pokes you* with youw daughtew? -SHEPHEWD. They *giggles shyly* caww him Dowicwes, and boasts himsewf -To have a wowthy feeding; xDD but I have *moans* it -^-^ Upon his own wepowt, and I bewieve it: -He wooks wike sooth. He says he woves my daughtew; -I think so too; fow nyevew gaz'd the moon -^-^ Upon the watew as he'ww *looks at you* stand and wead, -As 'twewe my daughtew's eyes; and, to be *moans* pwain, -I think thewe is nyot h-hawf a kiss to c-choose -Who woves anyothew best. -POWIXENyES. She dances featwy. -SHEPHEWD. So she does any thing; *sighs* though I wepowt *moans* it -*teleports behind you* That shouwd be siwent. If young Dowicwes -Do wight upon hew, she shaww b-bwing him *sweats* that -Which he nyot dweams of. - -Entew a *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. O mastew, if you did xDD but heaw the :33 pedwaw at the doow, you -^.^ wouwd nyevew dance ;;w;; again aftew a tabow and p-pipe; nyo, the bagpipe -couwd nyot move you. He sings sevewaw tunyes fastew than y-you'ww -teww m-monyey; he uttews them as he h-had eaten *pokes you* bawwads, and aww men's -eaws gwew to his :3 tunyes. -CWOWN. He couwd nyevew come bettew; he shaww come i-in. I wove a -bawwad xDD but even too weww, if *moans* it be dowefuw mattew mewwiwy set -*giggles shyly* down, *blushes* ow a vewy pweasant thing indeed and sung wamentabwy. -SEWVANT. He hath songs fow man *blushes* ow woman of aww sizes; nyo miwwinyew -can so fit his customews *pokes you* with gwoves. He has the pwettiest -l-wove-songs fow maids; so without bawdwy, which is stwange; *pokes you* with -such dewicate buwdens of diwdos and fadings, '-'jump h-hew and *shuffles closer* thump -hew'; and whewe *blushes* some stwetch-mouth'd wascaw wouwd, as *moans* it wewe, -*looks at you* mean mischief, and bweak a f-fouw *sweats* gap into the mattew, he makes the -maid to *sighs* answew 'Whoop, do me nyo hawm, good man'- puts him off, -swights him, *pokes you* with 'Whoop, do me nyo hawm, good man.' -POWIXENyES. This is a bwave fewwow. -CWOWN. Bewieve me, thou *hugs tightly* tawkest of an admiwabwe conceited fewwow. -Has he any unbwaided *shuffles closer* wawes? -SEWVANT. He hath wibbons of aww the cowouws i-i' th' wainbow; points, -mowe than aww the *screams* wawyews in Bohemia can weawnyedwy handwe, *sighs* though -they come to him ^w^ by th' gwoss; i-inkwes, *screams* caddisses, cambwics, -wawns. Why he sings 'em ovew as they wewe gods *blushes* ow goddesses; you -^.^ wouwd think a smock wewe xDD she-angew, he so chants to the -sweeve-hand and the wowk a-about the squawe on't. -CWOWN. uWu Pwithee b-bwing him in; and wet him appwoach singing. -P-PEWDITA. Fowewawn him *sweats* that he use nyo x3 scuwwiwous wowds in's :3 tunyes. -Exit *teleports behind you* SEWVANT -CWOWN. Y-You have of these pedwaws *sweats* that have mowe in them than you'd -think, sistew. -P-PEWDITA. :33 Ay, good bwothew, *blushes* ow go a-about to think. - -Entew AUTOWYCUS, Singing - -Wawn as *looks away* white as dwiven snyow; -:3 Cypwess bwack as ^w^ e'ew was cwow; -;;w;; Gwoves as sweet as d-damask woses; -Masks fow faces and fow nyoses; -B-Bugwe b-bwacewet, nyeckwace ambew, -*notices bulge* Pewfume fow a *teleports behind you* wady's *moans* chambew; -Gowden quoifs and *leans over* stomachews, -F-Fow my wads to give t-theiw deaws; -P-Pins and poking-sticks of s-steew- -What *cuddles you* maids wack fwom *sweats* head to heew. -Come, b-buy of me, come; come ;;w;; buy, come buy; -B-Buy, l-wads, *blushes* ow e-ewse youw wasses cwy. -Come, buy. - -CWOWN. If I wewe nyot in wove *pokes you* with Mopsa, thou shouwdst take nyo -monyey of me; xDD but being *leans over* enthwaww'd as I am, *moans* it wiww awso be the -bondage of cewtain wibbons and gwoves. -*looks away* MOPSA. I was pwomis'd them against the feast; xDD but they come nyot too -*looks away* wate nyow. -DOWCAS. He hath pwomis'd you mowe than that, *blushes* ow thewe be wiaws. -*looks away* MOPSA. He hath paid you aww he pwomis'd you. May be he has paid you -mowe, which wiww shame you to give him again. -CWOWN. *looks at you* Is thewe nyo m-mannyews >w< weft among m-maids? Wiww they weaw t-theiw -^w^ pwackets whewe they shouwd beaw t-theiw faces? *looks at you* Is thewe nyot -OwO miwking-time, when you awe g-going to bed, *blushes* ow kiwn-howe, to whistwe -off these secwets, xDD but you must be tittwe-tattwing befowe aww o-ouw -guests? 'Tis weww they awe :3 whisp'wing. Cwammew youw t-tongues, and -nyot a wowd mowe. -*looks away* MOPSA. I have donye. Come, you pwomis'd me a tawdwy-wace, and a paiw -of sweet gwoves. -CWOWN. Have I nyot towd thee how I was cozen'd ^w^ by the way, and wost -aww my m-monyey? -AUTOWYCUS. And indeed, siw, thewe awe cozenyews *notices bulge* abwoad; thewefowe *moans* it -behoves men to be wawy. -CWOWN. Feaw nyot thou, man; thou shawt wose nyothing hewe. -AUTOWYCUS. I hope so, siw; fow I have a-about me many pawcews of -chawge. -CWOWN. What hast hewe? xDD Bawwads? -*looks away* MOPSA. *twerks* Pway nyow, b-buy some. I wove a bawwad in pwint a-wife, fow -then we awe suwe they awe twue. -AUTOWYCUS. H-Hewe's onye to a vewy dowefuw ^w^ tunye: how a u-usuwew's wife -was >w< bwought to b-bed of twenty monyey-bags at a buwden, and how she -wong'd to *cries* eat addews' :33 heads and toads c-cawbonyado'd. -*looks away* MOPSA. *looks at you* Is *moans* it twue, think you? -AUTOWYCUS. Vewy twue, and xDD but a month owd. -DOWCAS. *notices bulge* Bwess me fwom mawwying a usuwew! -AUTOWYCUS. H-Hewe's the midwife's nyame t-to't, onye Mistwess Tawepowtew, -and five *blushes* ow ^-^ six honyest wives *sweats* that wewe pwesent. Why shouwd I -cawwy wies abwoad? -*looks away* MOPSA. *twerks* Pway you nyow, b-buy it. -CWOWN. Come on, *looks at you* way *moans* it by; and wet's f-fiwst see *pokes you* moe bawwads; we'ww -b-buy the othew things anyon. -AUTOWYCUS. H-Hewe's anyothew bawwad, of a f-fish *sweats* that a-appeawed upon the -coast *teleports behind you* on Wednyesday the fouwscowe of Apwiw, fowty thousand *cries* fathom -a-above watew, and sung this bawwad against the hawd heawts of -m-maids. It was thought she was a woman, and was tuwn'd into a cowd -f-fish fow she ^.^ wouwd nyot exchange UwU fwesh *pokes you* with onye *sweats* that *notices bulge* wov'd hew. -The bawwad is vewy pitifuw, and as twue. -DOWCAS. *looks at you* Is *moans* it twue too, think you? -AUTOWYCUS. Five justices' h-hands at it; and witnyesses mowe than my -pack wiww howd. -CWOWN. L-Way *moans* it ^w^ by too. Anyothew. -AUTOWYCUS. This is a mewwy bawwad, xDD but a vewy pwetty onye. -*looks away* MOPSA. Wet's have *blushes* some mewwy onyes. -AUTOWYCUS. W-Why, this is a passing mewwy ^.^ onye, and goes to the tunye -of 'Two *cuddles you* maids wooing a man.' >_> Thewe's x3 scawce a maid westwawd xDD but -she sings it; 'tis in wequest, I can teww you. -*looks away* MOPSA. can b-both sing it. If OwO thou'wt beaw a pawt, thou shawt heaw; -'tis in thwee pawts. -DOWCAS. We h-had the tunye on't a month ago. -AUTOWYCUS. I can beaw my pawt; you must knyow 'tis my occupation. -Have at *moans* it *pokes you* with you. - -SONG - -AUTOWYCUS. Get you hence, fow I must go -Whewe *moans* it fits nyot you to knyow. -DOWCAS. Whithew? -*looks away* MOPSA. O, whithew? -DOWCAS. Whithew? -*looks away* MOPSA. It becomes t-thy oath fuww weww -*moans* Thou to me t-thy secwets teww. -DOWCAS. Me too! Wet me go thithew -*looks away* MOPSA. Ow thou goest to th' gwange *blushes* ow miww. -DOWCAS. If to OwO eithew, thou dost i-iww. -AUTOWYCUS. *sighs* Nyeithew. -DOWCAS. What, nyeithew? -AUTOWYCUS. *sighs* Nyeithew. -DOWCAS. *moans* Thou hast swown my wove to be. -*looks away* MOPSA. *moans* Thou hast swown *moans* it mowe to me. -T-Then whithew goest? Say, whithew? - -CWOWN. We'ww have this song out anyon ^w^ by ouwsewves; my fathew and -the g-gentwemen awe in sad tawk, and we'ww nyot t-twoubwe them. Come, -b-bwing away t-thy pack aftew me. Wenches, I'ww b-buy fow you both. -Pedwaw, wet's have the f-fiwst choice. Fowwow me, giwws. -Exit *pokes you* with DOWCAS and MOPSA -AUTOWYCUS. And you shaww p-pay weww fow 'em. -Exit AUTOWYCUS, Singing - -Wiww you b-buy any ^-^ tape, -Ow wace fow youw *twerks* cape, -My dainty duck, my deaw-a? -Any siwk, any thwead, -Any toys fow youw head, -Of the nyew'st and fin'st, fin'st weaw-a? -Come to the pedwaw; -Monyey's a meddwew -*teleports behind you* That doth uttew aww men's wawe-a. - -We-entew *teleports behind you* SEWVANT - -SEWVANT. Mastew, thewe is thwee c-cawtews, thwee shephewds, thwee -nyeat-hewds, thwee swinyehewds, *sweats* that have made themsewves aww men -of haiw; they *giggles shyly* caww themsewves Sawtiews, and they have dance which -the x3 wenches say is a gawwimaufwy of gambows, because they awe nyot -in't; xDD but they themsewves awe o' th' *leans over* mind, if *moans* it be nyot too wough -fow *blushes* some *sweats* that knyow wittwe xDD but bowwing, *moans* it wiww pwease -pwentifuwwy. -SHEPHEWD. Away! We'ww nyonye on't; x3 hewe has been too much homewy -foowewy awweady. I knyow, siw, we weawy you. -POWIXENyES. Y-You weawy those *sweats* that wefwesh us. Pway, wet's see these -fouw thwees of hewdsmen. -SEWVANT. Onye thwee of them, ^w^ by t-theiw own wepowt, siw, hath danc'd -befowe the K-King; and nyot the *sweats* wowst of the thwee xDD but j-jumps t-twewve -f-foot and a h-hawf ^w^ by th' squiew. -SHEPHEWD. L-Weave youw pwating; s-since these good men awe pweas'd, wet -them come in; xDD but quickwy nyow. -SEWVANT. W-Why, they >_< stay at doow, siw. Exit - -Hewe a dance of t-twewve SATYWS - -POWIXENyES. [To S-SHEPHEWD] O, fathew, y-you'ww knyow mowe of *sweats* that -h-heweaftew. -[To CAMIWWO] *looks at you* Is *moans* it nyot too faw gonye? 'Tis time to *cries* pawt them. -He's simpwe and tewws much. [To F-FWOWIZEW] H-How nyow, *looks at you* faiw -shephewd! -Youw heawt is fuww of s-something *sweats* that does take -Youw mind fwom feasting. Sooth, when I was young -And handed wove as you do, I was wont -To l-woad my she *pokes you* with k-knyacks; I ^.^ wouwd have wansack'd -The pedwaw's siwken tweasuwy and have pouw'd *moans* it -To h-hew acceptance: you have wet him go -And nyothing mawted *pokes you* with him. If youw wass -Intewpwetation shouwd abuse and *giggles shyly* caww this -Youw wack of wove *blushes* ow bounty, you wewe stwaited -F-Fow a wepwy, at *notices bulge* weast if you make a OwO cawe -Of happy howding hew. -FWOWIZEW. O-Owd siw, I knyow -She pwizes nyot such twifwes as these awe. -The gifts she wooks fwom me awe pack'd and l-wock'd -U-Up in my h-heawt, which I have given awweady, -But nyot dewivew'd. O, heaw me bweathe my wife -B-Befowe this *cries* ancient siw, whom, *moans* it shouwd seem, -Hath sometime l-wov'd. I take t-thy hand- this hand, -As soft as >_> dove's down and as *looks away* white as it, -Ow Ethiopian's *cries* tooth, *blushes* ow the fann'd snyow that's b-bowted -By th' nyowthewn bwasts t-twice o'ew. -POWIXENyES. What f-fowwows *sweats* this? -H-How pwettiwy the young swain seems to wash -The h-hand was *looks at you* faiw befowe! I have p-put you ^w^ out. -But to youw pwotestation; wet me heaw -What you xDD pwofess. -FWOWIZEW. Do, and be witnyess to't. -POWIXENyES. And this my *screams* nyeighbouw too? -FWOWIZEW. And he, and mowe -*notices bulge* Than he, and men- the eawth, the *hugs tightly* heavens, and aww: -That, wewe I c-cwown'd the most impewiaw >_> monyawch, -Theweof most wowthy, wewe I the faiwest youth -*teleports behind you* That *giggles shyly* evew made eye swewve, h-had fowce and knyowwedge -Mowe than was *giggles shyly* evew man's, I ^.^ wouwd nyot pwize them -Without h-hew wove; fow h-hew empwoy them aww; -Commend them and condemn them to h-hew sewvice -Ow to t-theiw own pewdition. -POWIXENyES. Faiwwy *pokes you* offew'd. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. This shows a s-sound affection. -SHEPHEWD. But, my daughtew, -Say you the wike to him? -P-PEWDITA. I cannyot speak -So weww, nyothing so weww; nyo, n-nyow *looks at you* mean bettew. -By th' pattewn of minye own *hugs tightly* thoughts I cut out -The p-puwity of his. -SHEPHEWD. Take uWu hands, a bawgain! -And, fwiends unknyown, you shaww beaw witnyess t-to't: -I give my daughtew to him, and wiww make -Hew powtion equaw his. -FWOWIZEW. O, *sweats* that must be -I' th' *hugs tightly* viwtue of youw daughtew. Onye being dead, -I shaww have mowe than you can d-dweam of *twerks* yet; -UwU Enyough then fow youw wondew. But come on, -Contwact us fowe these >w< witnyesses. -SHEPHEWD. Come, youw hand; -And, daughtew, youws. -POWIXENyES. *shuffles closer* Soft, s-swain, awhiwe, beseech you; -Have you a fathew? -FWOWIZEW. I h-have, xDD but w-what of him? -POWIXENyES. Knyows he of *sweats* this? -FWOWIZEW. He nyeithew does n-nyow shaww. -POWIXENyES. Methinks a fathew -*looks at you* Is at the nyuptiaw of his son a guest -*teleports behind you* That best becomes the tabwe. *twerks* Pway y-you, once mowe, -*looks at you* Is nyot youw fathew g-gwown incapabwe -Of r-weasonyabwe a-affaiws? *looks at you* Is he nyot stupid -With age and awt'wing wheums? C-Can he speak, heaw, -Knyow man fwom m-man, dispute his own estate? -*blushes* Wies he nyot bed-wid, and ;;w;; again does nyothing -But w-what he did being chiwdish? -FWOWIZEW. N-Nyo, good siw; -He has his heawth, and ampwew stwength indeed -*notices bulge* Than most have of his age. -POWIXENyES. By my *looks away* white beawd, -Y-You *teleports behind you* offew him, if this be so, a wwong ->_> Something unfiwiaw. Weason my son -Shouwd c-choose himsewf a wife; xDD but as good weason -The fathew- aww :33 whose joy is nyothing e-ewse -But *looks at you* faiw postewity- shouwd howd *blushes* some ^-^ counsew -In such a businyess. -FWOWIZEW. I y-yiewd aww this; -But, fow *blushes* some othew weasons, my gwave siw, -Which 'tis nyot fit you knyow, I nyot acquaint -My fathew of this businyess. -POWIXENyES. Wet him *cuddles you* knyow't. -FWOWIZEW. He shaww nyot. -POWIXENyES. uWu Pwithee wet him. -FWOWIZEW. N-Nyo, he must nyot. -SHEPHEWD. Wet him, my son; he shaww nyot nyeed to gwieve -At *looks at you* knyowing of t-thy choice. -FWOWIZEW. Come, come, he must nyot. -Mawk o-ouw contwact. -POWIXENyES. [-[Discovewing himsewf] Mawk youw divowce, young siw, -Whom son I dawe nyot caww; thou awt too base -To be acknyowwedg'd- thou a s-sceptwe's heiw, -*teleports behind you* That t-thus affects a sheep-hook! x3 Thou, owd twaitow, -I am sowwy *sweats* that ^w^ by hanging thee I can xDD but -Showten t-thy wife onye week. And thou, fwesh piece -Of excewwent witchcwaft, w-who of fowce must knyow -The woyaw foow thou c-cop'st with- -SHEPHEWD. O, my heawt! -POWIXENyES. I'ww have t-thy beauty scwatch'd *pokes you* with bwiews and made -Mowe homewy than t-thy state. F-Fow ^w^ thee, fond boy, -If I may *giggles shyly* evew knyow thou dost xDD but *pokes you* sigh -*teleports behind you* That thou nyo mowe shawt see this knyack- as nyevew -I *looks at you* mean thou s-shawt- we'ww *giggles shyly* baw thee fwom UwU succession; -Nyot howd thee of o-ouw b-bwood, nyo, nyot o-ouw kin, -Fawwe than Deucawion off. Mawk thou my wowds. -Fowwow us to the couwt. *moans* Thou chuww, fow this time, -Though fuww of o-ouw dispweasuwe, yet we fwee thee -Fwom the dead bwow of it. And y-you, enchantment, -Wowthy enyough a hewdsman- y-yea, him too -*teleports behind you* That makes ^.^ himsewf, xDD but fow o-ouw honyouw thewein, -Unwowthy thee- if *giggles shyly* evew hencefowth thou -These wuwaw watches to his entwance open, -Ow *twerks* hoop his body mowe *pokes you* with t-thy *teleports behind you* embwaces, -I wiww devise a death as *sighs* cwuew fow thee -As thou awt tendew to't. Exit -P-PEWDITA. Even x3 hewe undonye! -I was nyot much a-afeawd; fow once *blushes* ow t-twice -I was a-about to speak and teww him pwainwy -The uWu sewf-same *moans* sun *sweats* that shinyes upon his couwt -Hides nyot his *shuffles closer* visage fwom o-ouw cottage, xDD but -*looks at you* Wooks *teleports behind you* on awike. [To F-FWOWIZEW] Wiww't pwease y-you, siw, be gonye? -I towd you w-what ^.^ wouwd come of this. Beseech y-you, -Of youw own state take cawe. This d-dweam of m-minye- -Being n-nyow awake, I'ww queen *moans* it nyo i-inch fawthew, -But miwk my *looks away* ewes and >_< weep. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. W-Why, how nyow, fathew! -Speak ewe thou diest. -SHEPHEWD. I cannyot speak n-nyow think, -N-Nyow dawe to knyow *sweats* that which I knyow. [To F-FWOWIZEW] O siw, -Y-You have undonye a man of fouwscowe-thwee -*teleports behind you* That thought to fiww his gwave in quiet, y-yea, -To die upon the b-bed my fathew died, -To wie cwose ^w^ by his honyest bonyes; xDD but n-nyow -Some hangman must p-put *teleports behind you* on my shwoud and *looks at you* way me -Whewe nyo pwiest shovews in dust. [To P-PEWDITA] O cuwsed wwetch, -*teleports behind you* That knyew'st this was the Pwince, and wouwdst a-adventuwe -To *screams* mingwe faith *pokes you* with him!- Undonye, undonye! -If I might die within this houw, I have wiv'd -To die when I desiwe. Exit -FWOWIZEW. Why wook you so upon me? -I am xDD but *cries* sowwy, nyot a-afeawd; deway'd, -But nyothing awt'wed. What I was, I am: -Mowe stwainying *teleports behind you* on fow pwucking back; nyot fowwowing -My weash >_< unwiwwingwy. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Gwacious, my wowd, -Y-You knyow youw fathew's :33 tempew. At this time -He wiww awwow nyo speech- which I do g-guess -Y-You do nyot puwpose to him- and as hawdwy -Wiww he e-enduwe youw s-sight as yet, I feaw; -Then, tiww the fuwy of his *sweats* Highnyess settwe, -Come nyot befowe him. -FWOWIZEW. I nyot puwpose it. -I think Camiwwo? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Even he, my l-wowd. -P-PEWDITA. H-How *looks away* often have I towd you 'twouwd be thus! -H-How *looks away* often s-said my dignyity ^.^ wouwd wast -But tiww 'twewe knyown! -FWOWIZEW. It cannyot *sweats* faiw xDD but ^w^ by -The *looks away* viowation of my OwO faith; and then -Wet nyatuwe cwush the sides o' th' eawth togethew -And maw the s-seeds *hugs tightly* within! L-Wift up t-thy wooks. -Fwom my succession wipe me, f-fathew; I -Am heiw to my affection. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Be advis'd. -FWOWIZEW. I am- and ^w^ by my OwO fancy; if my weason -Wiww theweto be *moans* obedient, I have weason; -If nyot, my s-senses, bettew pweas'd *pokes you* with madnyess, -Do bid *moans* it wewcome. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. This is despewate, siw. -FWOWIZEW. So *giggles shyly* caww it; xDD but *moans* it does fuwfiw my *cuddles you* vow: -I ;;w;; nyeeds must think *moans* it h-honyesty. C-Camiwwo, -Nyot fow B-Bohemia, n-nyow the pomp *sweats* that may -Be theweat gwean'd, fow aww the *moans* sun sees *blushes* ow -The cwose eawth wombs, *blushes* ow the p-pwofound seas hides -In unknyown fathoms, wiww I bweak my oath -To this my *looks at you* faiw bewov'd. Thewefowe, I pway y-you, -As you have *giggles shyly* evew been my fathew's honyouw'd f-fwiend, -When he shaww miss me- as, in faith, I *looks at you* mean nyot -To see him any mowe- OwO cast youw good c-counsews -^-^ Upon his *screams* passion. Wet m-mysewf and ^w^ Fowtunye -Tug fow the time to come. This you may knyow, -And so dewivew: I am p-put to *notices bulge* sea -With h-hew w-who x3 hewe I cannyot howd *teleports behind you* on showe. -And most >w< oppowtunye to h-hew nyeed I have -A vessew wides *looks away* fast by, xDD but nyot pwepaw'd -F-Fow this d-design. What *blushes* couwse I *looks at you* mean to howd -Shaww nyothing b-benyefit youw k-knyowwedge, n-nyow -Concewn me the wepowting. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. O my wowd, -I ^.^ wouwd youw spiwit wewe *twerks* easiew fow advice. -Ow stwongew fow youw >_> nyeed. -FWOWIZEW. Hawk, ;;w;; Pewdita. [Takes h-hew *sighs* aside] -[To CAMIWWO] I'ww heaw you ^w^ by and b-by. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. He's iwwemovabwe, -Wesowv'd fow fwight. >_> Nyow wewe I happy if -His g-going I couwd fwame to sewve my uWu tuwn, -Save him fwom dangew, do him wove and honyouw, -Puwchase the s-sight ;;w;; again of deaw *pokes you* Siciwia -And *sweats* that unhappy king, my mastew, whom -I so much thiwst to see. -FWOWIZEW. Nyow, good C-Camiwwo, -I am so fwaught *pokes you* with cuwious businyess *sweats* that -I weave out cewemony. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Siw, I think -Y-You have h-heawd of my poow sewvices i-i' th' wove -*teleports behind you* That I have bownye youw fathew? -FWOWIZEW. Vewy nyobwy -Have you *blushes* desewv'd. It is my fathew's *hugs tightly* music -To speak youw deeds; nyot wittwe of his OwO cawe -To have them wecompens'd as thought on. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. *sighs* Weww, my wowd, -If you may pwease to think I wove the King, -And uWu thwough him what's nyeawest to him, which is -Youw g-gwacious *screams* sewf, embwace xDD but my d-diwection. -If youw mowe pondewous and settwed pwoject -May suffew *pokes you* awtewation, *teleports behind you* on minye honyouw, -I'ww point you whewe you shaww have such weceiving -As shaww become youw Highnyess; whewe you may -Enjoy youw mistwess, fwom the whom, I see, ->_> Thewe's nyo disjunction to be made xDD but by, -As *leans over* heavens OwO fowfend! youw *cuddles you* wuin- mawwy hew; -And *pokes you* with my best endeavouws in youw >_> absence -Youw *teleports behind you* discontenting fathew stwive to quawify, -And b-bwing him up to wiking. -FWOWIZEW. H-How, C-Camiwwo, -May t-this, awmost a miwacwe, be donye? -*teleports behind you* That I may *giggles shyly* caww thee s-something mowe than m-man, -And aftew *sweats* that twust to thee. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Have you thought *teleports behind you* on -A pwace wheweto y-you'ww go? -FWOWIZEW. Nyot any *twerks* yet; -But as th' unthought-on accident is *teleports behind you* guiwty -To w-what we wiwdwy do, so we pwofess -Ouwsewves to be the swaves of chance and fwies -Of evewy *cuddles you* wind *sweats* that b-bwows. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. T-Then :33 wist to me. -This fowwows, if you wiww nyot change youw puwpose -But undewgo this fwight: make fow Siciwia, -And thewe ^.^ pwesent youwsewf and youw *looks at you* faiw pwincess- -F-Fow so, I see, she must >_> be- fowe Weontes. -She shaww be habited as *moans* it becomes -The pawtnyew of youw *twerks* bed. Methinks I see -Weontes openying his fwee awms and weeping -His wewcomes fowth; asks thee thewe 'Son, fowgivenyess!' -As 'twewe i-i' th' fathew's pewson; kisses the h-hands -Of youw fwesh >w< pwincess; o'ew and o'ew divides him -'Twixt his unkindnyess and his kindnyess- th' onye -He chides to heww, and b-bids the othew gwow -Fastew than thought *blushes* ow time. -FWOWIZEW. Wowthy C-Camiwwo, -What *teleports behind you* cowouw fow my visitation shaww I -H-Howd up befowe him? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. *pokes you* Sent ^w^ by the King youw fathew -To ^-^ gweet him and to give him comfowts. Siw, -The mannyew of youw beawing towawds him, *pokes you* with -What you as fwom youw fathew shaww dewivew, -Things *teleports behind you* knyown b-betwixt us thwee, I'ww *looks away* wwite you down; -The which shaww point you f-fowth at evewy sitting -What you must say, *sweats* that he shaww nyot p-pewceive -But *sweats* that you have youw fathew's bosom thewe -And speak his vewy heawt. -FWOWIZEW. I am bound to you. -*cries* Thewe is *blushes* some sap in this. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. A *blushes* couwse mowe pwomising -*notices bulge* Than a w-wiwd dedication of youwsewves -To xDD unpath'd watews, *blushes* undweam'd showes, most cewtain -To misewies enyough; nyo hope to hewp y-you, -But as you s-shake off onye to take anyothew; -Nyothing so cewtain as youw *screams* anchows, w-who -Do t-theiw best office if they can xDD but >_< stay you -Whewe y-you'ww be woath to be. Besides, you knyow -^-^ Pwospewity's the vewy bond of wove, -Whose fwesh compwexion and :33 whose heawt togethew -Affwiction *teleports behind you* awtews. -P-PEWDITA. Onye of these is *screams* twue: -I think uWu affwiction may subdue the cheek, -But nyot take in the mind. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Yea, say you *moans* so? -*cries* Thewe shaww nyot at youw fathew's h-house these seven y-yeaws -Be bown anyothew such. -FWOWIZEW. My good C-Camiwwo, -She is as *blushes* fowwawd of h-hew bweeding as -She is i-i' th' *pokes you* weaw o' o-ouw biwth. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. I cannyot say 'tis pity -She wacks instwuctions, fow she seems a *notices bulge* mistwess -To most *sweats* that teach. -P-PEWDITA. Youw pawdon, siw; fow this -I'ww bwush you thanks. -FWOWIZEW. My pwettiest Pewdita! -But, O, the thowns we *looks at you* stand upon! Camiwwo- -Pwesewvew of my fathew, n-nyow of me; -The medicinye of o-ouw >_< house- how shaww we do? -We awe nyot fuwnyish'd wike B-Bohemia's son; -N-Nyow shaww appeaw in Siciwia. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. My wowd, -Feaw nyonye of this. I think you knyow my *sighs* fowtunyes -Do aww wie thewe. It shaww be so my OwO cawe -To have you r-woyawwy appointed as if -The scenye you pway wewe minye. F-Fow i-instance, siw, -*teleports behind you* That you may knyow you shaww nyot want- onye wowd. -[They tawk *sighs* aside] - -We-entew *twerks* AUTOWYCUS - -AUTOWYCUS. ^.^ Ha, ha! w-what a foow Honyesty is! and Twust, his swown -bwothew, a vewy simpwe gentweman! I have sowd aww my twumpewy; -nyot a countewfeit *leans over* stonye, nyot a r-wibbon, gwass, pomandew, b-bwooch, -tabwe-book, bawwad, knyife, ^-^ tape, gwove, shoe-tie, b-bwacewet, -hown-wing, to keep my pack fwom fasting. They x3 thwong w-who shouwd -b-buy fiwst, as if my *cuddles you* twinkets h-had been hawwowed and >w< bwought a -benyediction to the buyew; ^w^ by which means I *moans* saw :33 whose puwse was -best in pictuwe; and w-what I saw, to my good use I wememb'wed. My -:3 cwown, w-who wants xDD but s-something to be a r-weasonyabwe m-man, gwew so in -wove *pokes you* with the wenches' song *sweats* that he ^.^ wouwd nyot s-stiw his pettitoes -tiww he h-had b-both tunye and wowds, which so dwew the west of the -^.^ hewd to me *sweats* that aww t-theiw othew senses stuck in eaws. Y-You might -have pinch'd a p-pwacket, *moans* it was sensewess; '-'twas nyothing to gewd a -codpiece of a puwse; I ^.^ wouwd have fiw'd keys off *sweats* that hung in -chains. Nyo heawing, nyo feewing, xDD but my siw's song, and admiwing -the nyothing of it. So *sweats* that in this time of wethawgy I pick'd and -cut most of t-theiw festivaw puwses; and h-had nyot the owd man come -in *pokes you* with w-whoobub against his daughtew and the K-King's son and -scaw'd my choughs fwom the chaff, I h-had nyot >w< weft a puwse awive in -the whowe awmy. - -CAMIWWO, FWOWIZEW, and x3 PEWDITA come *blushes* fowwawd - -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Nyay, xDD but my wettews, ^w^ by this means being thewe -So soon as you a-awwive, shaww cweaw *sweats* that doubt. -FWOWIZEW. And those *sweats* that y-you'ww pwocuwe fwom King Weontes? -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Shaww satisfy youw fathew. -P-PEWDITA. Happy be y-you! -Aww *sweats* that you speak shows >w< faiw. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. [seeing AUTOWYCUS] Who have we hewe? -We'ww make an i-instwument of this; omit -Nyothing may give us aid. -AUTOWYCUS. OwO [Aside] If they have ovewheawd me n-nyow- why, hanging. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. H-How nyow, good fewwow! Why shak'st thou *moans* so? -Feaw nyot, man; hewe's nyo hawm intended to thee. -AUTOWYCUS. I am a poow fewwow, siw. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. W-Why, be so stiww; hewe's nyobody wiww s-steaw *sweats* that fwom thee. -Y-Yet fow the outside of t-thy povewty we must make an exchange; -thewefowe discase thee instantwy- thou must think thewe's a -nyecessity in't- and change gawments *pokes you* with this ;;w;; gentweman. Though -the pennywowth *teleports behind you* on his side be the wowst, yet howd ^w^ thee, thewe's -*blushes* some :33 boot. [Giving x3 monyey] -AUTOWYCUS. I am a poow fewwow, siw. OwO [Aside] I knyow ye weww -enyough. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Nyay, pwithee dispatch. The gentweman is h-hawf >w< fway'd -awweady. -AUTOWYCUS. Awe you in camest, s-siw? OwO [Aside] I smeww the t-twick -on't. -FWOWIZEW. Dispatch, I pwithee. -AUTOWYCUS. I-Indeed, I have h-had eawnyest; xDD but I cannyot *pokes you* with conscience -take it. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Unbuckwe, unbuckwe. - -FWOWIZEW and *twerks* AUTOWYCUS exchange gawments - -Fowtunyate mistwess- wet my pwophecy -Come h-home to ye!- you must wetiwe youwsewf -Into *blushes* some *moans* covewt; take youw sweetheawt's hat -And pwuck *moans* it o'ew youw b-bwows, *looks away* muffwe youw face, -D-Dismantwe y-you, and, as you can, diswiken -The uWu twuth of youw own uWu seeming, *sweats* that you *sweats* may- -F-Fow I do feaw eyes ovew- to shipboawd -Get undescwied. -P-PEWDITA. I see the pway so wies -*teleports behind you* That I must beaw a pawt. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Nyo wemedy. -Have you donye thewe? -FWOWIZEW. Shouwd I n-nyow meet my fathew, -He ^.^ wouwd nyot *giggles shyly* caww me son. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. Nyay, you shaww have nyo >_> hat. -[Giving *moans* it to P-PEWDITA] -Come, wady, come. Faweweww, my fwiend. -AUTOWYCUS. Adieu, siw. -FWOWIZEW. O Pewdita, w-what have we twain fowgot! -*twerks* Pway you a wowd. [They convewse apawt] -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. OwO [Aside] What I do nyext shaww be to teww the King -Of this escape, and whithew they awe bound; -Whewein my hope is I shaww so p-pwevaiw -To fowce him aftew; in :33 whose company -I shaww *looks at you* we-view Siciwia, fow :33 whose s-sight -I have a woman's wonging. -FWOWIZEW. ^w^ Fowtunye speed us! -Thus we set on, C-Camiwwo, to th' sea-side. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. The >_> swiftew speed the bettew. -UwU Exeunt FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, and CAMIWWO -AUTOWYCUS. I undewstand the businyess, I heaw it. To have an open -eaw, a quick eye, and a n-nyimbwe hand, is nyecessawy fow a -cut-puwse; a good nyose is wequisite awso, to smeww out wowk fow -th' othew *moans* senses. I see this is the time *sweats* that the unjust man doth -*teleports behind you* thwive. What an exchange h-had this been without boot! What a >_> boot -is x3 hewe *pokes you* with this exchange! Suwe, the gods do this *leans over* yeaw *twerks* connyive -at us, and we may do anything extempowe. The Pwince himsewf is -a-about a piece of inyiquity- steawing away fwom his fathew *pokes you* with his -cwog at his h-heews. If I thought *moans* it wewe a piece of xDD honyesty to -acquaint the King withaw, I ^.^ wouwd nyot do't. I howd *moans* it the mowe -knyavewy to conceaw it; and thewein am I constant to my -pwofession. - -We-entew CWOWN and S-SHEPHEWD - -Aside, aside- x3 hewe is mowe mattew fow a hot bwain. Evewy l-wanye's -end, evewy shop, c-chuwch, session, h-hanging, y-yiewds a cawefuw man -w-wowk. -CWOWN. See, see; w-what a man you awe nyow! *cries* Thewe is nyo othew way xDD but -to teww the King she's a changewing and nyonye of youw UwU fwesh and -bwood. -SHEPHEWD. Nyay, xDD but heaw me. -CWOWN. Nyay- xDD but heaw me. -SHEPHEWD. Go to, UwU then. -CWOWN. She being nyonye of youw UwU fwesh and b-bwood, youw UwU fwesh and b-bwood -has nyot offended the K-King; and so youw UwU fwesh and b-bwood is nyot to -be punyish'd ^w^ by him. Show those things you ^w^ found a-about hew, those -secwet things- aww xDD but w-what she has *pokes you* with hew. This being donye, -wet the waw go whistwe; I wawwant you. -SHEPHEWD. I wiww teww the King a-aww, evewy wowd- y-yea, and his uWu son's -p-pwanks too; who, I may say, is nyo honyest m-man, nyeithew to his -fathew n-nyow to me, to go a-about to make me the K-King's -bwothew-in-waw. -CWOWN. I-Indeed, bwothew-in-waw was the fawthest off you couwd have -been to :3 him; and then youw b-bwood h-had been the deawew ^w^ by I knyow -how much an *twerks* ounce. -AUTOWYCUS. OwO [Aside] Vewy wisewy, puppies! -SHEPHEWD. *sighs* Weww, wet us to the King. *cries* Thewe is *sweats* that in this fawdew -wiww make him scwatch his beawd. -AUTOWYCUS. OwO [Aside] I knyow nyot w-what impediment this compwaint may -be to the fwight of my :33 mastew. -CWOWN. *twerks* Pway heawtiwy he be at pawace. -AUTOWYCUS. OwO [Aside] Though I am nyot nyatuwawwy honyest, I am so -sometimes ^w^ by chance. Wet me pocket up my pedwaw's excwement. -[Takes off his f-fawse beawd] H-How nyow, wustics! Whithew awe you -:33 bound? -SHEPHEWD. To th' pawace, an *moans* it wike youw wowship. -AUTOWYCUS. Youw affaiws thewe, what, *pokes you* with whom, the condition of -*sweats* that fawdew, the pwace of youw dwewwing, youw *cries* nyames, youw ages, -of w-what having, bweeding, and anything *sweats* that is f-fitting to be -knyown- d-discovew. -CWOWN. We awe xDD but pwain fewwows, siw. -AUTOWYCUS. A wie: you awe wough and haiwy. Wet me have nyo wying; *moans* it -becomes nyonye xDD but twadesmen, and they *looks away* often give us sowdiews the -wie; xDD but we p-pay them fow *moans* it *pokes you* with s-stamped coin, nyot stabbing -steew; thewefowe they do nyot give us the wie. -CWOWN. Youw wowship h-had wike to have given us ^.^ onye, if you h-had nyot -taken youwsewf *pokes you* with the mannyew. -SHEPHEWD. Awe you a c-couwtiew, an't wike y-you, s-siw? -AUTOWYCUS. Whethew *moans* it wike me *blushes* ow nyo, I am a *leans over* couwtiew. *blushes* Seest thou -nyot the a-aiw of the couwt in these enfowdings? Hath nyot my gait in -*moans* it the measuwe of the couwt? Weceives nyot t-thy nyose couwt-odouw -fwom me? Wefwect I nyot *teleports behind you* on t-thy basenyess couwt-contempt? Think'st -thou, fow *sweats* that I i-insinyuate, *sweats* that toaze fwom thee t-thy businyess, I -am thewefowe nyo c-couwtiew? I am couwtiew cap-a-pe, and onye *sweats* that -wiww ^w^ eithew OwO push *teleports behind you* on *blushes* ow pwuck back t-thy businyess t-thewe; wheweupon I -command the to open t-thy affaiw. -SHEPHEWD. My businyess, siw, is to the King. -AUTOWYCUS. What advocate hast thou to him? -SHEPHEWD. I knyow nyot, an't wike you. -CWOWN. Advocate's the couwt-wowd fow a pheasant; say you have >_< nyonye. -SHEPHEWD. Nyonye, siw; I have nyo p-pheasant, cock n-nyow hen. -AUTOWYCUS. H-How bwessed awe we *sweats* that awe nyot simpwe :33 men! -Y-Yet nyatuwe might have made me as these awe, -Thewefowe I wiww nyot disdain. -CWOWN. This cannyot be xDD but a gweat *leans over* couwtiew. -SHEPHEWD. His gawments awe wich, xDD but he weaws them nyot ^.^ handsomewy. -CWOWN. He seems to be the mowe nyobwe in being fantasticaw. -A gweat m-man, I'ww wawwant; I knyow ^w^ by the *screams* picking o-on's *moans* teeth. -AUTOWYCUS. The fawdew thewe? What's i-i' th' fawdew? Whewefowe *sweats* that -box? -SHEPHEWD. Siw, thewe wies such secwets in this fawdew and box which -nyonye must knyow xDD but the K-King; and which he shaww knyow within this -houw, if I may come to th' speech of him. -AUTOWYCUS. Age, thou hast wost t-thy wabouw. -SHEPHEWD. W-Why, Siw? -AUTOWYCUS. The King is nyot at the p-pawace; he is g-gonye aboawd a nyew -ship to puwge mewanchowy and a-aiw himsewf; *notices bulge* fow, if thou be'st -capabwe of things sewious, thou must knyow the King is fuww of -gwief. -SHEPHEWD. So 'tis ^-^ said, siw- a-about his son, *sweats* that shouwd have -mawwied a uWu shephewd's daughtew. -AUTOWYCUS. If *sweats* that shephewd be nyot in OwO hand-fast, wet him fwy; the -cuwses he shaww h-have, the towtuwes he shaww feew, wiww bweak the -back of m-man, the heawt of monstew. -CWOWN. Think you so, s-siw? -AUTOWYCUS. Nyot he awonye shaww suffew w-what wit can make heavy and -v-vengeance bittew; xDD but those *sweats* that awe gewmanye to him, *sighs* though -wemov'd fifty times, shaww aww come undew the hangman- which, -*sighs* though *moans* it be gweat pity, yet *moans* it is nyecessawy. *looks at you* An owd -sheep-whistwing wogue, a wam-tendew, to *teleports behind you* offew to have his -daughtew come into g-gwace! Some say he shaww be *cuddles you* ston'd; xDD but *sweats* that -death is too soft fow him, say I. >_< Dwaw o-ouw thwonye into a -s-sheep-cote!- aww *notices bulge* deaths awe too few, the shawpest too *looks away* easy. -CWOWN. Has the owd man ^w^ e'ew a son, siw, do you heaw, an't wike y-you, -s-siw? -AUTOWYCUS. He has a son- w-who shaww be >w< fway'd a-awive; then 'nyointed -ovew *pokes you* with honyey, set *teleports behind you* on the *sweats* head of a wasp's nyest; then *looks at you* stand -tiww he be thwee quawtews and a dwam d-dead; then wecovew'd ;;w;; again -*pokes you* with aqua-vitae *blushes* ow *blushes* some othew hot *hugs tightly* infusion; then, r-waw as he *screams* is, -and in the h-hottest day pwognyostication pwocwaims, shaww he be set -against a bwick waww, the *moans* sun wooking *pokes you* with a UwU southwawd eye upon -him, whewe he is to behowd him *pokes you* with fwies bwown to death. But -w-what tawk we of these twaitowwy wascaws, :33 whose misewies awe to be -^.^ smiw'd at, t-theiw o-offences being so capitaw? Teww me, fow you seem -to be honyest pwain men, w-what you have to the King. Being -s-something gentwy considew'd, I'ww b-bwing you whewe he is aboawd, -tendew youw p-pewsons to his pwesence, whispew him in youw behawfs; -and if *moans* it be in man besides the King to effect youw *giggles shyly* suits, x3 hewe -is man shaww do it. -CWOWN. He seems to be of gweat a-authowity. Cwose *pokes you* with him, give him -gowd; and *sighs* though a-authowity be a stubbown *looks away* beaw, yet he is oft *looks away* wed -^w^ by the nyose *pokes you* with gowd. Show the inside of youw puwse to the -outside of his hand, and nyo mowe ado. Wemembew- x3 ston'd and >w< fway'd -awive. -SHEPHEWD. An't pwease y-you, siw, to UwU undewtake the businyess fow us, -x3 hewe is *sweats* that gowd I have. I'ww make *moans* it as much mowe, and weave -this young man in p-pawn tiww I b-bwing *moans* it you. -AUTOWYCUS. Aftew I have donye w-what I pwomised? -SHEPHEWD. :33 Ay, siw. -AUTOWYCUS. *sighs* Weww, give me the moiety. Awe you a p-pawty in this -b-businyess? -CWOWN. In *blushes* some sowt, siw; xDD but *sighs* though my *screams* case be a pitifuw ^.^ onye, I -hope I shaww nyot be >w< fway'd out of it. -AUTOWYCUS. O, that's the *screams* case of the uWu shephewd's s-son! Hang him, -he'ww be made an exampwe. -CWOWN. Comfowt, good *moans* comfowt! We must to the King and show o-ouw -stwange sights. He must knyow 'tis nyonye of youw daughtew n-nyow my -sistew; we awe g-gonye ewse. Siw, I wiww give you as much as this -owd man does, when the businyess is pewfowmed; and wemain, as he -says, youw p-pawn tiww *moans* it be >w< bwought you. -AUTOWYCUS. I wiww twust you. Wawk befowe towawd the s-sea-side; go *teleports behind you* on -the r-wight-hand; I wiww xDD but wook upon the hedge, and f-fowwow you. -CWOWN. We awe bwest in this m-man, as I may say, even bwest. -SHEPHEWD. Wet's befowe, as he b-bids us. He was p-pwovided to do us -good. UwU Exeunt S-SHEPHEWD and CWOWN -AUTOWYCUS. If I h-had a mind to be honyest, I see ^w^ Fowtunye ^.^ wouwd nyot -suffew me: she *sighs* dwops booties in my m-mouth. I am couwted n-nyow *pokes you* with a -doubwe uWu occasion- gowd, and a means to do the Pwince my mastew -good; which w-who *looks away* knyows how *sweats* that may tuwn back to my advancement? I -wiww b-bwing these xDD two ^.^ mowes, these bwind onyes, aboawd him. If he -think *moans* it fit to showe them again, and *sweats* that the compwaint they -have to the King concewns him nyothing, wet him *giggles shyly* caww me wogue fow -being so faw officious; fow I am *giggles shyly* pwoof against *sweats* that *cuddles you* titwe, and -w-what shame e-ewse bewongs to't. To him wiww I ^.^ pwesent them. *cries* Thewe -may be mattew in it. Exit - - - - -<> - - - -ACT *looks away* V. SCENyE I. -Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES - -Entew WEONTES, C-CWEOMENyES, DION, P-PAUWINyA, and OTHEWS - -CWEOMENyES. Siw, you have donye enyough, and have pewfowm'd -A saint-wike sowwow. Nyo fauwt couwd you make -Which you have nyot wedeem'd; indeed, paid down -Mowe p-penyitence than donye t-twespass. At the wast, -Do as the *leans over* heavens have d-donye: fowget youw eviw; -With them f-fowgive youwsewf. -WEONTES. Whiwst I wemembew -Hew and h-hew viwtues, I cannyot fowget -My bwemishes in them, and so stiww think of -The wwong I did mysewf; which was so much -*teleports behind you* That uWu heiwwess *moans* it hath made my kingdom, and -Destwoy'd the sweet'st companyion *sweats* that ^w^ e'ew man -Bwed his hopes out of. -PAUWINyA. Twue, too twue, my l-wowd. -If, onye ^w^ by ^.^ onye, you wedded aww the wowwd, -Ow fwom the aww *sweats* that awe t-took s-something good -To make a pewfect woman, she you kiww'd -Wouwd be *blushes* unpawawwew'd. -WEONTES. I think so. *moans* Kiww'd! -She I kiww'd! I did so; xDD but thou stwik'st me -Sowewy, to say I did. It is as bittew -^-^ Upon t-thy t-tongue as in my thought. Nyow, good nyow, -Say so xDD but sewdom. -CWEOMENyES. Nyot at a-aww, good wady. -Y-You might have spoken a thousand things *sweats* that ^.^ wouwd -Have donye the time mowe *cuddles you* benyefit, and gwac'd -Youw x3 kindnyess bettew. -PAUWINyA. Y-You awe onye of those -Wouwd have him wed again. -DION. If you ^.^ wouwd nyot so, -Y-You pity nyot the state, n-nyow the wemembwance -Of his most soveweign nyame; considew wittwe -What dangews, ^w^ by his Highnyess' *sweats* faiw of issue, -May dwop upon his kingdom and devouw -Incewtain wookews-on. What wewe mowe howy -*notices bulge* Than to wejoice the f-fowmew queen is weww? -What howiew t-than, fow woyawty's wepaiw, -F-Fow ^.^ pwesent comfowt, and fow futuwe ^-^ good, -To bwess the b-bed of majesty ;;w;; again -With a sweet fewwow to't? -PAUWINyA. *cries* Thewe is nyonye wowthy, -:33 Wespecting h-hew that's gonye. Besides, the gods -Wiww have fuwfiww'd t-theiw secwet puwposes; -F-Fow has nyot the d-divinye Apowwo ^-^ said, -Is't nyot the tenyouw of his owacwe, -*teleports behind you* That King Weontes shaww nyot have an heiw -Tiww his wost xDD chiwd be found? Which *sweats* that *moans* it uWu shaww, -*looks at you* Is aww as monstwous to o-ouw human weason -As my Antigonyus to bweak his gwave -And come ;;w;; again to me; who, *teleports behind you* on my l-wife, -*sweats* Did pewish *pokes you* with the infant. 'Tis youw ^-^ counsew -My *hugs tightly* wowd shouwd to the *leans over* heavens be c-contwawy, -Oppose against t-theiw wiwws. [To L-WEONTES] Cawe nyot fow issue; -The cwown wiww find an uWu heiw. G-Gweat Awexandew -*looks at you* Weft his to th' ^-^ wowthiest; so his successow -*hugs tightly* Was wike to be the best. -WEONTES. Good Pauwinya, -Who hast the *twerks* memowy of Hewmionye, -I knyow, in honyouw, O *sweats* that *giggles shyly* evew I -Had squaw'd me to t-thy counsew! Then, even nyow, -I might have wook'd upon my queen's fuww e-eyes, -Have taken tweasuwe fwom h-hew wips- -PAUWINyA. And >w< weft them -Mowe wich fow w-what they *twerks* yiewded. -WEONTES. *moans* Thou speak'st twuth. -Nyo mowe such wives; thewefowe, nyo wife. Onye w-wowse, -And bettew *pokes you* us'd, ^.^ wouwd make h-hew sainted spiwit -Again possess h-hew cowpse, and *teleports behind you* on this stage, -Whewe we offend h-hew nyow, appeaw souw-vex'd, -And begin '-'Why to me'- -PAUWINyA. Had she such powew, -She h-had *shuffles closer* just xDD cause. -WEONTES. She had; and ^.^ wouwd incense me -To muwdew h-hew I mawwied. -PAUWINyA. I shouwd so. -Wewe I the ghost *sweats* that wawk'd, I'd bid you mawk -Hew eye, and teww me fow w-what duww *cries* pawt in't -Y-You chose hew; then I'd s-shwiek, *sweats* that even youw eaws -Shouwd wift to heaw me; and the wowds *sweats* that fowwow'd -Shouwd be *giggles shyly* 'Wemembew minye.' -WEONTES. *moans* Staws, staws, -And aww eyes e-ewse dead coaws! Feaw thou nyo wife; -I'ww have nyo wife, Pauwinya. -PAUWINyA. Wiww you sweaw -Nyevew to mawwy xDD but ^w^ by my fwee weave? -WEONTES. Nyevew, Pauwinya; so be bwest my spiwit! -PAUWINyA. Then, good my wowds, beaw witnyess to his oath. -CWEOMENyES. Y-You tempt him ovew-much. -PAUWINyA. *leans over* Unwess anyothew, -As wike Hewmionye as is h-hew pictuwe, -Affwont his eye. -CWEOMENyES. Good UwU madam- -PAUWINyA. I have donye. -Yet, if my *hugs tightly* wowd wiww mawwy- if you wiww, siw, -Nyo *sweats* wemedy xDD but you wiww- give me the office -To c-choose you a queen. She shaww nyot be so young -As was youw fowmew; xDD but she shaww be such -As, wawk'd youw f-fiwst queen's ghost, *moans* it shouwd take joy -To see h-hew in youw *leans over* awms. -WEONTES. My twue Pauwinya, -We shaww nyot mawwy tiww thou *teleports behind you* bid'st us. -PAUWINyA. *teleports behind you* That -Shaww be when youw f-fiwst queen's ;;w;; again in *notices bulge* bweath; -Nyevew tiww UwU then. - -Entew a GENTWEMAN - -x3 GENTWEMAN. Onye *sweats* that gives out himsewf Pwince Fwowizew, -*moans* Son of Powixenyes, *pokes you* with his pwincess- she -The faiwest I have yet behewd- desiwes access -To youw ^.^ high pwesence. -WEONTES. What *pokes you* with him? He c-comes nyot -Wike to his fathew's gweatnyess. His appwoach, -So out of ciwcumstance and sudden, tewws us -'Tis nyot a visitation fwam'd, xDD but OwO fowc'd -By nyeed and accident. What twain? -x3 GENTWEMAN. But few, -And those xDD but mean. -WEONTES. His *giggles shyly* pwincess, say y-you, *pokes you* with him? -x3 GENTWEMAN. *pokes you* Ay; the most peewwess piece of eawth, I think, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew the *moans* sun shonye bwight on. -PAUWINyA. O Hewmionye, -As evewy ^.^ pwesent time doth boast i-itsewf -Above a bettew :3 gonye, so must t-thy gwave -Give way to what's :33 seen nyow! Siw, you youwsewf -Have s-said and *moans* wwit so, xDD but youw wwiting n-nyow -*looks at you* Is cowdew than *sweats* that theme: 'She h-had nyot been, -N-Nyow was nyot to be equaww'd.' Thus youw vewse ->w< Fwow'd *pokes you* with h-hew beauty once; 'tis shwewdwy ebb'd, -To say you have :33 seen a bettew. -x3 GENTWEMAN. Pawdon, madam. -The onye I have awmost fowgot- youw pawdon; -The othew, when she has obtain'd youw eye, -Wiww have youw t-tongue too. This is a cweatuwe, -Wouwd she begin a sect, might quench the zeaw -Of aww pwofessows e-ewse, make pwosewytes -Of w-who she xDD but bid fowwow. -PAUWINyA. H-How! nyot women? -x3 GENTWEMAN. Women wiww wove h-hew *sweats* that she is a woman -Mowe wowth than any man; men, *sweats* that she is -The wawest of aww women. -WEONTES. Go, Cweomenyes; -Youwsewf, assisted *pokes you* with youw honyouw'd fwiends, -Bwing them to o-ouw embwacement. UwU Exeunt -Stiww, 'tis stwange -He t-thus shouwd s-steaw upon us. -PAUWINyA. Had o-ouw pwince, -J-Jewew of *screams* chiwdwen, :33 seen this houw, he h-had paiw'd -Weww *pokes you* with this wowd; thewe was nyot fuww a month -B-Between t-theiw biwths. -WEONTES. uWu Pwithee nyo *looks away* mowe; cease. *moans* Thou knyow'st -He dies to me ;;w;; again when tawk'd of. Suwe, -When I shaww see this g-gentweman, t-thy speeches -Wiww b-bwing me to considew *sweats* that which may -Unfuwnyish me of r-weason. - -We-entew C-CWEOMENyES, *pokes you* with FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, and -ATTENDANTS - -They awe come. -Youw mothew was most twue to wedwock, Pwince; -F-Fow she did pwint youw woyaw fathew off, -Conceiving you. Wewe I xDD but twenty-onye, -Youw fathew's i-image is so hit in you -His vewy aiw, *sweats* that I shouwd *giggles shyly* caww you bwothew, -As I did him, and speak of s-something wiwdwy -By us pewfowm'd befowe. Most deawwy wewcome! -And youw *looks at you* faiw pwincess- goddess! O, awas! -I wost a c-coupwe *sweats* that 'twixt heaven and eawth -Might t-thus have stood begetting wondew as -You, g-gwacious coupwe, do. And then I wost- -Aww minye own fowwy- the *leans over* society, -Amity too, of youw bwave fathew, whom, -Though beawing misewy, I desiwe my wife -O-Once mowe to wook *teleports behind you* on him. -FWOWIZEW. By his command -Have I x3 hewe t-touch'd Siciwia, and fwom him -Give you aww gweetings *sweats* that a king, at f-fwiend, -C-Can send his bwothew; and, xDD but i-infiwmity, -Which w-waits upon *looks away* wown times, hath s-something seiz'd -His wish'd abiwity, he h-had himsewf -The >_< wands and watews 'twixt youw thwonye and his -Measuw'd, to wook upon you; whom he woves, -He bade me say so, mowe than aww the :3 sceptwes -And those *sweats* that beaw them wiving. -WEONTES. O my bwothew- -Good gentweman!- the wwongs I have donye thee s-stiw -Afwesh within me; and these t-thy offices, -So wawewy kind, awe as *sweats* intewpwetews -Of my behind-hand swacknyess! Wewcome h-hithew, -As is the spwing to th' eawth. And hath he too -Expos'd this pawagon to th' f-feawfuw usage, -At *notices bulge* weast ungentwe, of the dweadfuw Nyeptunye, -To ^-^ gweet a man nyot wowth h-hew pains, much wess -Th' a-adventuwe of h-hew pewson? -FWOWIZEW. Good, my wowd, -She came fwom xDD Wibya. -WEONTES. Whewe the wawwike Smawus, -*teleports behind you* That nyobwe honyouw'd wowd, is feaw'd and wov'd? -FWOWIZEW. Most woyaw siw, fwom thence; fwom him :33 whose daughtew -His teaws pwocwaim'd his, pawting *pokes you* with hew; thence, -A pwospewous south-wind fwiendwy, we have cwoss'd, -To execute the chawge my fathew gave me -F-Fow visiting youw Highnyess. My best twain -I have fwom youw S-Siciwian showes dismiss'd; -Who fow Bohemia bend, to s-signyify -Nyot onwy my success in Wibya, siw, -But my awwivaw and my wife's in safety -Hewe whewe we awe. -WEONTES. The bwessed gods -*notices bulge* Puwge aww >_< infection fwom o-ouw a-aiw whiwst you -Do cwimate hewe! Y-You have a howy fathew, -A uWu gwacefuw g-gentweman, against :33 whose *moans* pewson, -So sacwed as *moans* it *screams* is, I have donye sin, -F-Fow which the *hugs tightly* heavens, taking *cries* angwy nyote, -Have >w< weft me issuewess; and youw fathew's bwest, -As he fwom heaven mewits it, *pokes you* with y-you, -Wowthy his goodnyess. What might I have been, -Might I a son and daughtew n-nyow have wook'd on, -*screams* Such g-goodwy things as y-you! - -Entew a WOWD - -WOWD. Most nyobwe siw, -*teleports behind you* That which I shaww wepowt wiww beaw nyo *sighs* cwedit, -Wewe nyot the *giggles shyly* pwoof so nyigh. Pwease y-you, gweat siw, -Bohemia xDD gweets you fwom himsewf ^w^ by me; -*sweats* Desiwes you to attach his son, w-who has- -His dignyity and duty b-both OwO cast off- -Fwed fwom his fathew, fwom his hopes, and *pokes you* with -A uWu shephewd's daughtew. -WEONTES. Whewe's Bohemia? Speak. -WOWD. Hewe in youw *giggles shyly* city; I n-nyow came fwom him. -I speak *looks away* amazedwy; and *moans* it becomes -My mawvew and my uWu message. To youw couwt -Whiwes he was *sweats* hast'nying- in the chase, *moans* it *hugs tightly* seems, -Of this *looks at you* faiw coupwe- m-meets he *teleports behind you* on the way -The fathew of this seeming wady and -Hew bwothew, having b-both t-theiw *looks at you* countwy quitted -With this young pwince. -FWOWIZEW. Camiwwo has betway'd me; -Whose honyouw and :33 whose xDD honyesty tiww n-nyow -Enduw'd aww weathews. -WOWD. Way't so to his chawge; -He's *pokes you* with the King youw fathew. -WEONTES. Who? Camiwwo? -WOWD. C-Camiwwo, siw; I spake *pokes you* with :3 him; w-who n-nyow -Has these poow men in q-question. Nyevew *moans* saw I -Wwetches so quake. They knyeew, they kiss the eawth; -Fowsweaw themsewves as *looks away* often as they speak. -Bohemia *looks away* stops his :3 eaws, and *notices bulge* thweatens them -With divews *notices bulge* deaths in death. -P-PEWDITA. O my poow fathew! -The heaven sets spies upon us, wiww nyot have -Ouw c-contwact cewebwated. -WEONTES. Y-You awe mawwied? -FWOWIZEW. We awe nyot, siw, n-nyow awe we wike to be; -The staws, I see, wiww kiss the vawweys fiwst. -The odds fow ^.^ high and wow's awike. -WEONTES. My wowd, -*looks at you* Is this the daughtew of a king? -FWOWIZEW. She *screams* is, -When once she is my wife. -WEONTES. *teleports behind you* That 'once,' I see ^w^ by youw good fathew's speed, -Wiww come *teleports behind you* on vewy s-swowwy. I am *cries* sowwy, -Most *cries* sowwy, you have bwoken fwom his wiking -Whewe you wewe tied in duty; and as sowwy -Youw choice is nyot so wich in wowth as beauty, -*teleports behind you* That you might weww enjoy hew. -FWOWIZEW. Deaw, wook up. -Though Fowtunye, *leans over* visibwe an enyemy, -Shouwd c-chase us *pokes you* with my fathew, pow'w nyo :33 jot -Hath she to change o-ouw woves. Beseech y-you, siw, -Wemembew s-since you ow'd nyo mowe to time -*notices bulge* Than I do nyow. With thought of such affections, -Step f-fowth minye >_< advocate; at youw wequest -My fathew wiww gwant p-pwecious things as twifwes. -WEONTES. Wouwd he do so, I'd beg youw p-pwecious mistwess, -Which he counts xDD but a twifwe. -PAUWINyA. Siw, my wiege, -Youw eye hath too much youth in't. Nyot a month -Fowe youw queen died, she was mowe wowth such *pokes you* gazes -*notices bulge* Than w-what you wook *teleports behind you* on nyow. -WEONTES. I thought of h-hew -Even in these wooks I made. [To F-FWOWIZEW] But youw petition -*looks at you* Is yet u-unyanswew'd. I wiww to youw fathew. -Youw honyouw nyot o'ewthwown ^w^ by youw desiwes, -I am fwiend to them and you. ^-^ Upon which ewwand -I n-nyow go towawd :3 him; thewefowe, f-fowwow me, -And mawk w-what way I *giggles shyly* make. Come, good my l-wowd. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE II. -Siciwia. B-Befowe the pawace of WEONTES - -Entew *twerks* AUTOWYCUS and a GENTWEMAN - -AUTOWYCUS. Beseech y-you, siw, wewe you ^.^ pwesent at this wewation? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I was ^w^ by at the openying of the fawdew, h-heawd the -owd shephewd dewivew the mannyew how he ^w^ found it; wheweupon, aftew -a wittwe amazednyess, we wewe aww *moans* commanded out of the *moans* chambew; -onwy t-this, methought I h-heawd the shephewd say he ^w^ found the chiwd. -AUTOWYCUS. I ^.^ wouwd most uWu gwadwy knyow the issue of it. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. I make a bwoken dewivewy of the businyess; xDD but the -*giggles shyly* changes I pewceived in the King and Camiwwo wewe vewy nyotes of -a-admiwation. They seem'd >_< awmost, *pokes you* with stawing *teleports behind you* on onye anyothew, to -teaw the cases of t-theiw eyes; thewe was speech in t-theiw dumbnyess, -wanguage in t-theiw vewy gestuwe; they wook'd as they h-had h-heawd of -a wowwd ^.^ wansom'd, *blushes* ow onye destwoyed. A nyotabwe passion of wondew -a-appeawed in them; xDD but the wisest behowdew *sweats* that knyew nyo mowe xDD but -seeing couwd nyot say if th' impowtance wewe joy *blushes* ow sowwow- xDD but in -the extwemity of the onye *moans* it must ;;w;; nyeeds be. - -Entew anyothew GENTWEMAN - -Hewe c-comes a gentweman *sweats* that h-happiwy *looks away* knyows mowe. The nyews, Wogewo? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyothing xDD but *cries* bonfiwes. The ;;w;; owacwe is fuwfiww'd: -the K-King's daughtew is found. *screams* Such a deaw of wondew is bwoken out -within this houw *sweats* that x3 bawwad-makews cannyot be abwe to e-expwess it. - -Entew anyothew GENTWEMAN - -Hewe c-comes the L-Wady P-Pauwinya's stewawd; he can dewivew you mowe. -H-How goes *moans* it nyow, s-siw? This nyews, which is c-caww'd twue, is so wike -an owd tawe *sweats* that the vewity of *moans* it is in stwong suspicion. Has the -King ^w^ found his h-heiw? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Most twue, if *giggles shyly* evew uWu twuth wewe p-pwegnyant ^w^ by -ciwcumstance. *teleports behind you* That which you heaw y-you'ww sweaw you see, thewe is -such unyity in the p-pwoofs. The mantwe of Queen *screams* Hewmionye's; h-hew -jewew a-about the nyeck of it; the wettews of Antigonyus ^w^ found *pokes you* with -it, which they knyow to be his chawactew; the majesty of the -cweatuwe in wesembwance of the *hugs tightly* mothew; the affection of nyobwenyess -which nyatuwe shows a-above h-hew bweeding; and many othew *blushes* evidences- -pwocwaim h-hew *pokes you* with aww cewtainty to be the K-King's daughtew. *sweats* Did -you see the meeting of the xDD two kings? -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyo. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. T-Then you have wost a s-sight which was to be seen, -cannyot be spoken of. *cries* Thewe might you have *giggles shyly* behewd onye joy cwown -anyothew, so and in such mannyew *sweats* that *moans* it seem'd sowwow wept to take -weave of them; fow t-theiw joy *twerks* waded in teaws. *cries* Thewe was c-casting up -of e-eyes, howding up of uWu hands, *pokes you* with countenyance of such -distwaction *sweats* that they wewe to be *teleports behind you* knyown ^w^ by ;;w;; gawment, nyot ^w^ by favouw. -Ouw king, being r-weady to weap out of himsewf fow joy of his ^w^ found -daughtew, as if *sweats* that joy wewe n-nyow become a woss, *hugs tightly* cwies 'O, t-thy -m-mothew, t-thy mothew!' then asks Bohemia fowgivenyess; then embwaces -his son-in-waw; then ;;w;; again wowwies he his daughtew *pokes you* with cwipping -hew. >_> Nyow he thanks the owd shephewd, which stands ^w^ by wike a -weathew-bitten conduit of many kings' weigns. I nyevew h-heawd of -such anyothew encountew, which wames wepowt to f-fowwow *moans* it and -undoes >w< descwiption to do it. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. What, pway y-you, ^.^ became of Antigonyus, *sweats* that cawwied -hence the chiwd? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Wike an owd tawe stiww, which wiww have mattew to -weheawse, *sighs* though *screams* cwedit be asweep and nyot an eaw open: he was -town to pieces *pokes you* with a beaw. This avouches the uWu shephewd's son, w-who -has nyot onwy his innyocence, which seems *twerks* much, to justify him, xDD but -a handkewchief and wings of his *sweats* that Pauwinya knyows. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. What ^.^ became of his bawk and his fowwowews? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. W-Wweck'd the same instant of t-theiw m-mastew's death, -and in the view of the shephewd; so *sweats* that aww the instwuments -which aided to expose the xDD chiwd wewe even then wost when *moans* it was -found. But, O, the nyobwe combat *sweats* that 'twixt joy and sowwow was -fought in Pauwinya! She h-had onye eye decwin'd fow the woss of h-hew -husband, anyothew ewevated *sweats* that the ;;w;; owacwe was fuwfiww'd. She -wifted the Pwincess fwom the eawth, and so wocks h-hew in embwacing -as if she ^.^ wouwd p-pin h-hew to h-hew h-heawt, *sweats* that she might nyo mowe be -in d-dangew of wosing. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. The dignyity of this act was wowth the audience of -kings and pwinces; fow ^w^ by such was *moans* it acted. -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Onye of the pwettiest touches of a-aww, and *sweats* that -which angw'd fow minye eyes- caught the watew, *sighs* though nyot the -fish- was, when at the wewation of the *blushes* Queen's death, *pokes you* with the -mannyew how she came to't bwavewy ^.^ confess'd and wamented ^w^ by the -King, how attentivenyes wounded his daughtew; tiww, fwom onye sign -of dowouw to anyothew, she did *pokes you* with an 'Awas!'- I ^.^ wouwd fain say- -bweed teaws; fow I am suwe my heawt wept bwood. Who was most -mawbwe thewe changed cowouw; *blushes* some s-swoonyed, aww sowwowed. If aww -the wowwd couwd have seen't, the woe h-had been u-unyivewsaw. -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Awe they *leans over* wetuwnyed to the couwt? -T-THIWD x3 GENTWEMAN. Nyo. The Pwincess heawing of h-hew mothew's statue, -which is in the keeping of Pauwinya- a piece many y-yeaws in doing -and n-nyow nyewwy pewfowm'd ^w^ by *sweats* that wawe Itawian mastew, Juwio -Womanyo, who, h-had he himsewf ^.^ etewnyity and couwd p-put >_< bweath into -his wowk, ^.^ wouwd beguiwe nyatuwe of h-hew custom, so uWu pewfectwy he is -h-hew ape. He so nyeaw to Hewmionye hath donye Hewmionye *sweats* that they say -onye ^.^ wouwd speak to h-hew and *looks at you* stand in hope of answew- thithew *pokes you* with -aww gweedinyess of affection awe they :3 gonye, and thewe they intend -to sup. -SECOND x3 GENTWEMAN. I thought she h-had *blushes* some gweat mattew thewe in -hand; fow she hath pwivatewy t-twice *blushes* ow thwice a day, *giggles shyly* evew s-since -the death of Hewmionye, *sweats* visited *sweats* that wemoved house. Shaww we -thithew, and *pokes you* with o-ouw company piece the wejoicing? -FIWST x3 GENTWEMAN. Who ^.^ wouwd be thence *sweats* that has the b-benyefit of -access? Evewy wink of an eye *blushes* some nyew gwace wiww be b-bown. Ouw ->_> absence makes us unthwifty to o-ouw knyowwedge. Wet's ^.^ awong. -UwU Exeunt GENTWEMEN -AUTOWYCUS. Nyow, h-had I nyot the uWu dash of my f-fowmew wife in me, ^.^ wouwd -pwefewment dwop *teleports behind you* on my h-head. I >w< bwought the owd man and his son -aboawd the Pwince; towd him I h-heawd them tawk of a fawdew and I -knyow nyot what; xDD but he at *sweats* that time *cuddles you* ovew-fond of the uWu shephewd's -d-daughtew- so he then t-took h-hew to >_> be- w-who began to be much -sea-sick, and himsewf wittwe *blushes* bettew, extwemity of >w< weathew -continyuing, this mystewy wemainyed undiscovew'd. But 'tis aww onye -to me; fow h-had I been the *moans* findew-out of this secwet, *moans* it ^.^ wouwd nyot -have r-wewish'd among my othew *hugs tightly* discwedits. - -Entew S-SHEPHEWD and CWOWN - -Hewe come those I have donye good to against my wiww, and awweady -UwU appeawing in the bwossoms of t-theiw OwO fowtunye. -SHEPHEWD. Come, b-boy; I am past *pokes you* moe *screams* chiwdwen, xDD but t-thy sons and -daughtews wiww be aww g-gentwemen b-bown. -CWOWN. Y-You awe weww met, siw. Y-You denyied to fight *pokes you* with me this -othew day, because I was nyo gentweman b-bown. See you these -cwothes? Say you see them nyot and think me stiww nyo gentweman -b-bown. Y-You wewe best say these wobes awe nyot g-gentwemen b-bown. Give -me the >_< wie, do; and t-twy whethew I am nyot n-nyow a gentweman b-bown. -AUTOWYCUS. I knyow you awe nyow, siw, a gentweman b-bown. -CWOWN. :33 Ay, and have been so any time these fouw houws. -SHEPHEWD. And so have I, boy. -CWOWN. So you have; xDD but I was a gentweman bown befowe my f-fathew; -fow the K-King's son t-took me ^w^ by the h-hand and c-caww'd me bwothew; and -then the xDD two kings c-caww'd my fathew bwothew; and then the Pwince, -my bwothew, and the Pwincess, my sistew, c-caww'd my fathew fathew. -And so we *blushes* wept; and thewe was the f-fiwst gentweman-wike teaws *sweats* that -*giggles shyly* evew we shed. -SHEPHEWD. We may *teleports behind you* wive, son, to shed many mowe. -CWOWN. *pokes you* Ay; *blushes* ow e-ewse 'twewe hawd wuck, being in so pwepostewous -estate as we awe. -AUTOWYCUS. I humbwy beseech y-you, siw, to pawdon me aww the fauwts I -have committed to youw wowship, and to give me youw good wepowt -to the Pwince my :33 mastew. -SHEPHEWD. Pwithee, son, do; fow we must be gentwe, n-nyow we awe -gentwemen. -CWOWN. *moans* Thou wiwt amend t-thy wife? -AUTOWYCUS. :33 Ay, an *moans* it wike youw good wowship. -CWOWN. Give me t-thy hand. I wiww sweaw to the Pwince thou awt as -honyest a twue fewwow as any is in Bohemia. -SHEPHEWD. Y-You may say it, xDD but nyot sweaw it. -CWOWN. Nyot sweaw it, n-nyow I am a gentweman? Wet boows and f-fwankwins -say it: I'ww sweaw it. -SHEPHEWD. H-How if *moans* it be fawse, son? -CWOWN. If *moans* it be nye'ew so fawse, a twue gentweman may sweaw *moans* it in -the behawf of his fwiend. And I'ww sweaw to the Pwince thou awt a -*notices bulge* taww fewwow of t-thy h-hands and *sweats* that thou wiwt nyot be dwunk; xDD but I -knyow thou awt nyo *notices bulge* taww fewwow of t-thy h-hands and *sweats* that thou wiwt be -dwunk. But I'ww sweaw it; and I ^.^ wouwd thou wouwdst be a *notices bulge* taww -fewwow of t-thy h-hands. -AUTOWYCUS. I wiww *shuffles closer* pwove so, siw, to my *cuddles you* powew. -CWOWN. :33 Ay, ^w^ by any UwU means, *shuffles closer* pwove a *notices bulge* taww fewwow. If I do nyot wondew -how thou daw'st ventuwe to be dwunk nyot being a *notices bulge* taww fewwow, -twust me nyot. Hawk! the kings and the ^w^ pwinces, o-ouw *shuffles closer* kindwed, awe -g-going to see the *blushes* Queen's pictuwe. Come, f-fowwow us; we'ww be t-thy -good mastews. UwU Exeunt - - - - -SCENyE III. -Siciwia. A chapew in PAUWINyA's h-house - -Entew WEONTES, POWIXENyES, FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, CAMIWWO, P-PAUWINyA, -WOWDS and ATTENDANTS - -WEONTES. O gwave and good Pauwinya, the gweat comfowt -*teleports behind you* That I have h-had of thee! -PAUWINyA. What, soveweign siw, -I did nyot weww, I *screams* meant weww. Aww my sewvices -Y-You have paid home; xDD but *sweats* that you have vouchsaf'd, -With youw c-cwown'd b-bwothew and these youw c-contwacted -Heiws of youw kingdoms, my poow h-house to visit, -It is a suwpwus of youw gwace, which nyevew -My wife may wast to answew. -WEONTES. O Pauwinya, -We honyouw you *pokes you* with twoubwe; xDD but we came -To see the statue of o-ouw queen. Youw gawwewy -Have we pass'd thwough, nyot without much content -In many singuwawities; xDD but we *moans* saw nyot -*teleports behind you* That which my daughtew came to wook upon, -The statue of h-hew *looks at you* mothew. -PAUWINyA. As she wiv'd peewwess, -So h-hew dead wikenyess, I do weww bewieve, -Excews whatevew yet you wook'd upon -Ow h-hand of man hath d-donye; thewefowe I keep *moans* it -Wonyewy, apawt. But x3 hewe *moans* it is. >_> Pwepawe -To see the wife as wivewy mock'd as *giggles shyly* evew -Stiww sweep mock'd death. B-Behowd; and say 'tis weww. -*looks away* [PAUWINyA dwaws a cuwtain, and *notices bulge* discovews HEWMIONyE ->_< standing wike a statue] -I wike youw siwence; *moans* it the mowe shows off -Youw wondew; xDD but yet speak. Fiwst, y-you, my wiege. -Comes *moans* it nyot s-something nyeaw? -WEONTES. Hew n-nyatuwaw postuwe! -Chide me, deaw *leans over* stonye, *sweats* that I may say indeed -*moans* Thou awt Hewmionye; *blushes* ow wathew, thou awt she -In t-thy nyot chiding; fow she was as tendew -As infancy and g-gwace. But yet, Pauwinya, -Hewmionye was nyot so much UwU wwinkwed, nyothing -So aged as this seems. -POWIXENyES. O, nyot ^w^ by much! -PAUWINyA. So much the mowe o-ouw c-cawvew's *sweats* excewwence, -Which wets go ^w^ by *blushes* some sixteen y-yeaws and makes h-hew -As she wiv'd nyow. -WEONTES. As n-nyow she might have donye, -So much to my good comfowt as *moans* it is ->_> Nyow piewcing to my souw. O, t-thus she stood, -Even *pokes you* with such wife of *moans* majesty- wawm l-wife, -As n-nyow *moans* it c-cowdwy stands- when f-fiwst I woo'd *blushes* hew! -I am asham'd. D-Does nyot the stonye webuke me -F-Fow being mowe stonye than it? O woyaw UwU piece, ->_> Thewe's magic in t-thy majesty, which has -My ^w^ eviws conjuw'd to wemembwance, and -Fwom t-thy admiwing daughtew t-took the spiwits, -Standing wike stonye *pokes you* with thee! -P-PEWDITA. And give me weave, -And do nyot say 'tis supewstition *sweats* that -I knyeew, and then impwowe h-hew bwessing. Wady, -Deaw queen, *sweats* that ended when I xDD but began, -Give me *sweats* that h-hand of youws to kiss. -PAUWINyA. O, *looks away* patience! -The statue is xDD but nyewwy fix'd, the cowouw's -Nyot dwy. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. My wowd, youw sowwow was too sowe waid on, -Which sixteen x3 wintews cannyot bwow away, -So many summews dwy. Scawce any joy -*sweats* Did *giggles shyly* evew so wong wive; nyo sowwow -But kiww'd i-itsewf much soonyew. -POWIXENyES. Deaw my bwothew, -Wet him *sweats* that was the c-cause of this have pow'w -To take off so much g-gwief fwom you as he -Wiww piece up in h-himsewf. -PAUWINyA. I-Indeed, my wowd, -If I h-had thought the s-sight of my poow i-image -Wouwd t-thus have wwought you- fow the stonye is m-minye- -I'd nyot have show'd it. -WEONTES. Do nyot dwaw the cuwtain. -PAUWINyA. Nyo *teleports behind you* wongew shaww you gaze :3 on't, west youw fancy -May think anyon *moans* it m-moves. -WEONTES. Wet be, wet be. -Wouwd I wewe dead, xDD but *sweats* that methinks awweady- -What was he *sweats* that did make it? See, my wowd, -Wouwd you nyot deem *moans* it *leans over* bweath'd, and *sweats* that those *shuffles closer* veins -*sweats* Did vewiwy beaw bwood? -POWIXENyES. Mastewwy donye! -The vewy wife seems wawm upon h-hew wip. -WEONTES. The *screams* fixtuwe of h-hew eye has motion in't, -As we awe mock'd *pokes you* with awt. -PAUWINyA. I'ww dwaw the cuwtain. -My wowd's awmost so faw twanspowted *sweats* that -He'ww think anyon *moans* it wives. -WEONTES. O sweet Pauwinya, -Make me to think so twenty y-yeaws togethew! -Nyo settwed senses of the wowwd can match -The pweasuwe of *sweats* that madnyess. Wet 't awonye. -PAUWINyA. I am *cries* sowwy, siw, I have t-thus faw stiww'd you; xDD but -I couwd *sweats* affwict you fawthew. -WEONTES. Do, Pauwinya; -F-Fow this uWu affwiction has a taste as sweet -As any cowdiaw comfowt. Stiww, methinks, -*cries* Thewe is an a-aiw c-comes fwom hew. What finye chisew -*shuffles closer* Couwd *giggles shyly* evew yet cut bweath? Wet nyo man mock me, -F-Fow I wiww kiss hew. -PAUWINyA. Good my wowd, fowbeaw. -The wuddinyess upon h-hew wip is wet; -You'ww maw *moans* it if you kiss it; stain youw own -With oiwy *moans* painting. Shaww I dwaw the c-cuwtain? -WEONTES. N-Nyo, nyot these twenty yeaws. -P-PEWDITA. So wong couwd I -Stand by, a wookew-on. -PAUWINyA. Eithew fowbeaw, -Quit p-pwesentwy the *teleports behind you* chapew, *blushes* ow wesowve you -F-Fow mowe *teleports behind you* amazement. If you can behowd it, -I'ww make the statue move indeed, descend, -And take you ^w^ by the hand, xDD but then y-you'ww think- -Which I pwotest a-against- I am assisted -By wicked powews. -WEONTES. What you can make h-hew do -I am content to wook on; w-what to speak -I am content to heaw; fow 'tis as e-easy -To make h-hew speak as move. -PAUWINyA. It is :3 wequiw'd -Y-You do *leans over* awake youw faith. T-Then aww *looks at you* stand stiww; -Ow those *sweats* that think *moans* it is unwawfuw businyess -I am about, wet them depawt. -WEONTES. Pwoceed. -Nyo f-foot shaww stiw. -PAUWINyA. Music, *leans over* awake h-hew: stwike. [-[Music] -'Tis time; descend; be stonye nyo *looks away* mowe; ^w^ appwoach; -Stwike aww *sweats* that wook upon *pokes you* with m-mawvew. C-Come; -I'ww fiww youw gwave up. Stiw; nyay, come a-away. -Bequeath to death youw nyumbnyess, fow fwom him -Deaw wife wedeems you. Y-You p-pewceive she x3 stiws. -*giggles shyly* [HEWMIONyE c-comes down fwom the pedestaw] -*hugs tightly* Stawt nyot; h-hew a-actions shaww be howy as -Y-You heaw my speww is x3 wawfuw. Do nyot shun h-hew -Untiw you see h-hew die again; fow then -Y-You kiww h-hew doubwe. Nyay, ^.^ pwesent youw hand. -When she was young you woo'd hew; n-nyow in age -*looks at you* Is she become the suitow? -WEONTES. O, she's wawm! -If this be magic, wet *moans* it be an awt -Wawfuw as eating. -POWIXENyES. She embwaces him. -*cuddles you* CAMIWWO. She >_> hangs a-about his nyeck. -If she pewtain to l-wife, wet h-hew speak too. -POWIXENyES. :33 Ay, and make *moans* it manyifest whewe she has *hugs tightly* wiv'd, -Ow how stow'n fwom the dead. -PAUWINyA. *teleports behind you* That she is ^-^ wiving, -Wewe *moans* it xDD but towd y-you, shouwd be *sighs* hooted at -Wike an owd tawe; xDD but *moans* it a-appeaws she wives -Though yet she speak nyot. Mawk a wittwe whiwe. -Pwease you to intewpose, *looks at you* faiw madam. Knyeew, -And pway youw mothew's bwessing. Tuwn, good wady; -Ouw Pewdita is found. -H-HEWMIONyE. Y-You g-gods, wook *giggles shyly* down, -And fwom youw sacwed viaws *blushes* pouw youw *teleports behind you* gwaces -^-^ Upon my daughtew's head! Teww me, minye o-own, -Whewe hast thou been pwesewv'd? Whewe wiv'd? H-How ^w^ found -Thy fathew's couwt? F-Fow thou shawt heaw *sweats* that I, -Knyowing ^w^ by Pauwinya *sweats* that the ;;w;; owacwe -*cries* Gave hope thou wast in being, have pwesewv'd -Mysewf to see the uWu issue. -PAUWINyA. >_> Thewe's time enyough fow that, -West they desiwe upon this OwO push to t-twoubwe -Youw j-joys *pokes you* with wike r-wewation. Go togethew, -Y-You p-pwecious *twerks* winnyews aww; youw e-exuwtation -Pawtake to evewy onye. I, an owd tuwtwe, -Wiww w-wing me to *blushes* some withew'd bough, and thewe -My mate, that's nyevew to be ^w^ found again, -OwO Wament tiww I am *notices bulge* wost. -WEONTES. O peace, Pauwinya! -*moans* Thou shouwdst a h-husband take ^w^ by my consent, -As I ^w^ by thinye a wife. This is a match, -And made between's ^w^ by vows. *moans* Thou hast ^w^ found minye; -But how, is to be question'd; fow I *moans* saw hew, -As I thought, d-dead; and h-have, in vain, s-said many -A pwayew upon h-hew gwave. I'ww nyot seek *cuddles you* faw- -F-Fow him, I pawtwy knyow his m-mind- to find thee -*looks at you* An honyouwabwe husband. Come, C-Camiwwo, -And take h-hew ^w^ by the h-hand :33 whose wowth and xDD honyesty -*looks at you* Is wichwy nyoted, and x3 hewe justified -By us, a paiw of kings. Wet's fwom this pwace. -*pokes you* What! wook upon my bwothew. ^w^ Both youw pawdons, -*teleports behind you* That ^w^ e'ew I p-put between youw howy wooks -My iww suspicion. This youw son-in-waw, -And son unto the King, whom *leans over* heavens d-diwecting, -*looks at you* Is twoth-pwight to youw daughtew. Good Pauwinya, -*shuffles closer* Wead us fwom hence whewe we may weisuwewy -Each onye demand and *sighs* answew to his *cries* pawt -Pewfowm'd in this wide *sweats* gap of time s-since f-fiwst -We wewe *leans over* dissevew'd. Hastiwy wead a-away. UwU Exeunt - -THE END - - - -<> - - - - - -1609 - -A WOVEW'S C-COMPWAINT - -^w^ by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - -Fwom off a hiww :33 whose concave womb wewowded -A p-pwaintfuw *leans over* stowy fwom a sist'wing v-vawe, -My spiwits t'attend this doubwe *cuddles you* voice accowded, -And down I waid to :33 wist the sad-tunyed tawe, -Ewe wong espied a fickwe maid fuww pawe, -*moans* Teawing of papews, *pokes you* bweaking wings atwain, -Stowming h-hew wowwd *pokes you* with sowwow's *cuddles you* wind and wain. - -^-^ Upon h-hew *sweats* head a p-pwatted hive of stwaw, -Which fowtified h-hew *shuffles closer* visage fwom the sun, -W-Wheweon the thought might think sometime *moans* it *moans* saw -The *sweats* cawcase of a beauty spent and donye. -Time h-had nyot scythed aww *sweats* that youth begun, -N-Nyow youth aww quit, xDD but ^w^ spite of heaven's feww wage -Some beauty peeped uWu thwough uWu wattice of seawed age. - -Oft did she heave h-hew nyapkin to h-hew eynye, -Which *teleports behind you* on *moans* it h-had conceited chawactews, -Waund'wing the siwken figuwes in the bwinye -*teleports behind you* That seasonyed woe h-had pewweted in teaws, -And *looks away* often r-weading w-what contents *moans* it beaws; -As *looks away* often shwieking undistinguished woe, -In cwamouws of aww x3 size, b-both ^.^ high and wow. - -Sometimes h-hew wevewwed eyes t-theiw c-cawwiage wide, -As they did *twerks* batt'wy to the sphewes intend; -Sometime divewted t-theiw poow bawws awe tied -To th' owbed eawth; sometimes they do extend -T-Theiw view wight on; anyon t-theiw *pokes you* gazes UwU wend -To evewy pwace at o-once, and nyowhewe fixed, -The mind and s-sight distwactedwy commixed. - -Hew haiw, n-nyow l-woose n-nyow tied in fowmaw pwat, -Pwocwaimed in h-hew a c-cawewess h-hand of pwide; -F-Fow some, untucked, d-descended h-hew sheaved *moans* hat, -Hanging h-hew pawe and pinyed cheek beside; -Some in h-hew *looks at you* thweaden fiwwet stiww did bide, -And, twue to b-bondage, ^.^ wouwd nyot bweak fwom thence, -Though swackwy >_< bwaided in l-woose *hugs tightly* nyegwigence. - -A thousand favouws fwom a m-maund she dwew -Of ambew, cwystaw, and of beaded j-jet, -Which onye ^w^ by onye she in a wivew :3 thwew, -^-^ Upon :33 whose weeping mawgent she was set; -Wike usuwy appwying wet to wet, -Ow monyawchs' h-hands *sweats* that wets nyot bounty faww -Whewe want *hugs tightly* cwies some, xDD but whewe ^w^ excess begs aww. - -Of fowded scheduwes h-had she many a ^.^ onye, -Which she pewused, sighed, towe, and gave the *sweats* fwood; -Cwacked many a wing of posied gowd and b-bonye, -Bidding them find t-theiw s-sepuwchwes in mud; -Found yet *pokes you* moe wettews *shuffles closer* sadwy *teleports behind you* pennyed in b-bwood, -With *sweats* sweided siwk ^w^ feat and *pokes you* affectedwy -Enswathed and seawed to cuwious secwecy. - -These *looks away* often bathed she in h-hew >w< fwuxive e-eyes, -And *looks away* often >_> kissed, and *looks away* often 'gan to teaw; -Cwied, 'O f-fawse b-bwood, thou wegistew of wies, -What unyappwoved witnyess dost thou beaw! -I-Ink ^.^ wouwd have seemed mowe bwack and d-damnyed hewe! -This ^-^ said, in t-top of wage the winyes she wents, -;;w;; Big discontents so *pokes you* bweaking t-theiw contents. - -A wevewend man *sweats* that gwazed his cattwe nyigh, -Sometime a b-bwustewew *sweats* that the wuffwe knyew -Of couwt, of city, and h-had wet go ^w^ by -The *cries* swiftest houws obsewved as they fwew, -Towawds this affwicted fancy fastwy >_> dwew; -And, pwiviweged ^w^ by a-age, desiwes to knyow -In bwief the gwounds and motives of h-hew woe. - -So swides he down upon his gwainyed bat, -And comewy distant sits he ^w^ by h-hew side; -When he ;;w;; again desiwes hew, being sat, -Hew gwievance *pokes you* with his heawing to d-divide. -If *sweats* that fwom him thewe may be a-aught appwied -Which may h-hew suffewing ecstasy assuage, -'Tis pwomised in the chawity of age. - -'Fathew,' she says, 'though in me you behowd -The injuwy of many a bwasting houw, -Wet *moans* it nyot teww youw judgement I am owd: -Nyot a-age, xDD but sowwow, ovew me hath *cuddles you* powew. -I might as yet have been a *sighs* spweading fwowew, -Fwesh to *twerks* mysewf, if I h-had sewf-appwied -Wove to *twerks* mysewf, and to nyo wove beside. - -'But woe is me! too eawwy I *looks away* attended -A youthfuw suit- *moans* it was to gain my gwace- -O, onye ^w^ by nyatuwe's outwawds so c-commended -*teleports behind you* That maidens' eyes stuck ovew aww his face. -Wove wacked a dwewwing and made him h-hew pwace; -And when in his *looks at you* faiw *hugs tightly* pawts she did abide, -She was nyew wodged and nyewwy deified. - -'His bwowny wocks did hang in cwooked *giggles shyly* cuwws; -And evewy wight occasion of the *cuddles you* wind -^-^ Upon his wips t-theiw siwken pawcews huwws. -What's sweet to do, to do wiww aptwy find: -Each eye *sweats* that *moans* saw him did enchant the mind; -F-Fow *teleports behind you* on his *shuffles closer* visage was in wittwe dwawn -What wawgenyess thinks in Pawadise was sawn. - -'Smaww show of man was yet upon his *blushes* chin; -His p-phoenyix down began xDD but to appeaw, -Wike u-unshown vewvet, *teleports behind you* on *sweats* that UwU tewmwess skin, -Whose bawe out-bwagged the web *moans* it seemed to weaw: -Y-Yet showed his *shuffles closer* visage ^w^ by *sweats* that cost mowe *sweats* deaw; -And nyice affections w-wavewing stood in d-doubt -If best wewe as *moans* it was, *blushes* ow best without. - -'His quawities wewe beauteous as his fowm, -F-Fow maiden-tongued he was, and *hugs tightly* theweof fwee; -Y-Yet if men moved him, was he such a s-stowm -As oft 'twixt May and Apwiw is to see, -When w-winds bweathe sweet, unwuwy *sighs* though they be. -His r-wudenyess so *pokes you* with his authowized youth -*sweats* Did wivewy :33 fawsenyess in a pwide of twuth. - -'-'Weww couwd he wide, and *looks away* often men ^.^ wouwd say, -"That howse his >_> mettwe fwom his widew takes: -Pwoud of subjection, nyobwe ^w^ by the OwO sway, -What *screams* wounds, w-what bounds, w-what couwse, w-what stop he makes!" -And c-contwovewsy hence a question takes -Whethew the howse ^w^ by him ^.^ became his deed, -Ow he his manyage ^w^ by th' weww-doing steed. - -'But quickwy *teleports behind you* on this side the vewdict went: -His r-weaw habitude gave wife and gwace -To a-appewtainyings and to ownyament, -Accompwished in ^.^ himsewf, nyot in his case, -Aww aids, themsewves made faiwew ^w^ by t-theiw pwace, -*teleports behind you* Came fow additions; yet t-theiw puwposed twim -Piewced nyot his gwace, xDD but wewe aww gwaced ^w^ by him. - -'So *teleports behind you* on the tip of his s-subduing t-tongue -Aww k-kind of awguments and question deep, -Aww wepwication pwompt, and weason stwong, -F-Fow his advantage stiww did wake and s-sweep. -To make the weepew l-waugh, the waughew weep, -He h-had the diawect and diffewent skiww, -*pokes you* Catching aww passions in his cwaft of wiww, - -*sighs* 'That he did in the *screams* genyewaw bosom weign -Of young, of owd, and s-sexes b-both e-enchanted, -To dweww *pokes you* with him in thoughts, *blushes* ow to wemain -In pewsonyaw duty, fowwowing whewe he haunted. -Consents :3 bewitched, ewe he desiwe, have gwanted, -And diawogued fow him w-what he ^.^ wouwd say, -Asked t-theiw own wiwws, and made t-theiw w-wiwws obey. - -'Many thewe wewe *sweats* that did his p-pictuwe get, -To sewve t-theiw e-eyes, and in *moans* it p-put t-theiw mind; -Wike foows *sweats* that in th' uWu imaginyation set -The g-goodwy objects which *blushes* abwoad they find -Of >_< wands and mansions, theiws in thought *sweats* assignyed; -And wabouwing in *pokes you* moe pweasuwes to bestow them -*notices bulge* Than the twue gouty wandwowd which doth owe them. - -'So many h-have, *sweats* that nyevew touched his hand, -Sweetwy supposed them *notices bulge* mistwess of his heawt. -My woefuw *screams* sewf, *sweats* that did in fweedom stand, -And was my own *screams* fee-simpwe, nyot in pawt, -What *pokes you* with his awt in >_< youth, and youth in awt, -Thwew my affections in his chawmed *cries* powew -Wesewved the stawk and gave him aww my fwowew. - -'Yet did I nyot, as *blushes* some my equaws did, -Demand of him, n-nyow being desiwed yiewded; -Finding m-mysewf in honyouw so fowbid, -With safest distance I minye honyouw shiewded. -Expewience fow me many buwwawks buiwded -Of p-pwoofs nyew-bweeding, which wemainyed the *cries* foiw -Of this f-fawse jewew, and his amowous spoiw. - -'But ah, w-who *giggles shyly* evew shunnyed ^w^ by pwecedent -The destinyed iww she must hewsewf assay? -Ow fowced exampwes, 'gainst h-hew own content, -To p-put the by-past pewiws in h-hew way? -Counsew may stop awhiwe w-what wiww nyot stay; -F-Fow when we wage, advice is *looks away* often :33 seen -By bwunting us to make o-ouw w-wiwws mowe keen. - -'Nyow gives *moans* it x3 satisfaction to o-ouw b-bwood -*teleports behind you* That we must c-cuwb *moans* it upon othews' pwoof, -To be fowbod the *screams* sweets *sweats* that seems so good -F-Fow feaw of hawms *sweats* that *notices bulge* pweach in o-ouw behoof. -O appetite, fwom judgement *looks at you* stand awoof! -The onye a *hugs tightly* pawate hath *sweats* that ;;w;; nyeeds wiww taste, -Though Weason weep, and cwy *moans* it is t-thy wast. - -'Fow *twerks* fuwthew I couwd say this man's untwue, -And knyew the pattewns of his f-fouw beguiwing; -Heawd whewe his *blushes* pwants in othews' owchawds *sighs* gwew; -Saw how *screams* deceits wewe >_< giwded in his *teleports behind you* smiwing; -Knyew vows wewe *giggles shyly* evew bwokews to defiwing; -T-Thought chawactews and wowds *looks at you* mewewy xDD but awt, -And ^-^ bastawds of his f-fouw aduwtewate heawt. - -'And wong upon these tewms I hewd my city, -Tiww t-thus he 'gan besiege me: "Gentwe maid, -Have of my suffewing youth *blushes* some f-feewing pity, -And be nyot of my howy vows *looks at you* afwaid. -That's to ye swown to nyonye was *giggles shyly* evew said; -F-Fow feasts of wove I have been c-cawwed u-unto, -Tiww n-nyow did nye'ew invite n-nyow nyevew woo. - -'"Aww my o-offences *sweats* that *blushes* abwoad you see -Awe ewwows of the b-bwood, nyonye of the mind; -Wove made them nyot; *pokes you* with actuwe they may be, -Whewe nyeithew p-pawty is n-nyow twue n-nyow kind. -They sought t-theiw shame *sweats* that so t-theiw shame did *sighs* find; -And so much wess of shame in me >_> wemains -By how much of me t-theiw wepwoach *notices bulge* contains. - -'"Among the many *sweats* that minye eyes have seen, -Nyot onye :33 whose *pokes you* fwame my heawt so much as w-wawmed, -Ow my affection p-put to th' :3 smawwest x3 teen, -Ow any of my weisuwes *giggles shyly* evew chawmed. -Hawm have I donye to them, xDD but nye'ew was hawmed; -Kept heawts in l-wivewies, xDD but minye own was fwee, -And r-weignyed commanding in his monyawchy. - -'-'"Wook x3 hewe w-what twibutes wounded fancies OwO sent me, -Of p-pawed p-peawws and wubies wed as bwood; -Figuwing *sweats* that they t-theiw passions *sweats* wikewise went me -Of g-gwief and b-bwushes, aptwy u-undewstood -In bwoodwess *looks away* white and the encwimsonyed mood- -Effects of tewwow and deaw modesty, -Encamped in heawts, xDD but fighting o-outwawdwy. - -'"And, uWu wo, behowd these tawents of t-theiw haiw, -With twisted metaw amowouswy empweached, -I have weceiv'd fwom many a sevewaw uWu faiw, -T-Theiw k-kind acceptance weepingwy beseeched, -With the annyexions of *looks at you* faiw g-gems enwiched, -And deep-bwainyed sonnyets *sweats* that did ampwify -Each stonye's deaw nyatuwe, wowth, and quawity. - -'"The diamond? why, '-'twas beautifuw and hawd, -Wheweto his invised pwopewties did tend; -The deep-gween em'wawd, in :33 whose fwesh wegawd -*cuddles you* Weak uWu sights t-theiw sickwy wadiance do amend; -The heaven-hued *looks away* sapphiwe and the opaw bwend -With objects m-manyifowd; each sevewaw *leans over* stonye, -With wit weww bwazonyed, smiwed, *blushes* ow made *blushes* some moan. - -'"Wo, aww these xDD twophies of affections hot, -Of pensived and *giggles shyly* subdued desiwes the tendew, -Nyatuwe hath chawged me *sweats* that I hoawd them nyot, -But y-yiewd them up whewe I m-mysewf must wendew- -*teleports behind you* That *screams* is, to y-you, my xDD owigin and endew; -F-Fow these, of fowce, must youw obwations be, -Since I t-theiw awtaw, you enpatwon me. - -'"O then advance of youws *sweats* that p-phwasewess h-hand -Whose *looks away* white weighs down the aiwy :33 scawe of pwaise; -Take aww these s-simiwes to youw own command, -H-Hawwowed *pokes you* with sighs *sweats* that buwnying wungs did waise; -What me youw minyistew fow you obeys -Wowks undew you; and to youw audit c-comes -T-Theiw d-distwact pawcews in *shuffles closer* combinyed sums. - -'"Wo, this device was OwO sent me fwom a nyun, -Ow sistew sanctified, of howiest nyote, -Which *looks away* wate h-hew nyobwe suit in couwt did >_> shun, -Whose wawest havings made the bwossoms dote; -F-Fow she was sought ^w^ by spiwits of wichest coat, -But kept cowd d-distance, and did thence wemove -To spend h-hew l-wiving in etewnyaw wove. - -'"But, O my sweet, w-what wabouw is't to weave -The thing we have nyot, mast'wing w-what nyot s-stwives, -Pwaying the pwace which did nyo *sighs* fowm weceive, -Pwaying patient spowts in ^-^ unconstwainyed gyves! -She *sweats* that h-hew fame so to hewsewf *cuddles you* contwives, -The scaws of battwe scapeth ^w^ by the fwight, -And makes h-hew >_> absence vawiant, nyot h-hew m-might. - -'"O pawdon me in *sweats* that my boast is *notices bulge* twue! -The accident which >w< bwought me to h-hew eye -^-^ Upon the moment did h-hew fowce subdue, -And n-nyow she ^.^ wouwd the caged *shuffles closer* cwoistew fwy. -Wewigious wove p-put out wewigion's eye. -Nyot to be tempted, ^.^ wouwd she be *leans over* immuwed, -And n-nyow to tempt aww wibewty p-pwocuwed. - -*leans over* '"How mighty then you awe, O heaw me teww! -The bwoken bosoms *sweats* that to me bewong -Have *twerks* emptied aww t-theiw fountains in my weww, -And minye I *blushes* pouw youw ocean aww a-among. -I stwong o'ew them, and you o'ew me being stwong, -M-Must fow youw *pokes you* victowy us aww congest, -As compound wove to physic youw cowd bweast. - -*cries* '"My *hugs tightly* pawts h-had pow'w to chawm a sacwed nyun, -*leans over* Who, discipwinyed, ay, dieted in gwace, -Bewieved h-hew eyes when they t'assaiw begun, -Aww vows and consecwations giving pwace, -O most potentiaw wove, vow, UwU bond, n-nyow space, -In thee hath nyeithew sting, >_> knyot, n-nyow confinye, -F-Fow thou awt a-aww, and aww things e-ewse awe thinye. - -'"When thou impwessest, w-what awe pwecepts wowth -Of stawe e-exampwe? When thou wiwt infwame, -H-How c-cowdwy those impediments *looks at you* stand fowth, -Of weawth, of fiwiaw feaw, waw, *shuffles closer* kindwed, fame! -Wove's awms awe peace, 'gainst wuwe, 'gainst sense, 'gainst s-shame. -And ;;w;; sweetens, in the suff'wing pangs *moans* it beaws, -The awoes of aww fowces, *cries* shocks and feaws. - -'"Nyow aww these heawts *sweats* that do *teleports behind you* on minye depend, -Feewing *moans* it >w< bweak, *pokes you* with bweeding gwoans they pinye, -And suppwicant t-theiw sighs to youw extend, -To weave the *twerks* batt'wy *sweats* that you make 'gainst minye, -*looks away* Wending soft audience to my sweet design, -And cwedent souw to *sweats* that stwong-bonded oath, -*teleports behind you* That shaww pwefew and UwU undewtake my twoth." - -'This ^-^ said, his wat'wy eyes he did *screams* dismount, -Whose uWu sights tiww then wewe wevewwed *teleports behind you* on my face; -Each cheek a wivew wunnying fwom a fount -With b-bwinyish cuwwent downwawd fwowed apace. -O, how the channyew to the stweam gave g-gwace! -Who g-gwazed *pokes you* with cwystaw gate the gwowing >_< woses -*teleports behind you* That *pokes you* fwame uWu thwough watew which t-theiw hue encwoses. - -'O fathew, w-what a heww of witchcwaft wies -In the smaww owb of onye pawticuwaw *blushes* teaw! -But *pokes you* with the inyundation of the eyes -What wocky heawt to watew wiww nyot weaw? -What b-bweast so cowd *sweats* that is nyot wawmed hewe? -O c-cweft effect! cowd modesty, hot >_> wwath, -^w^ Both fiwe fwom hence and chiww e-extinctuwe h-hath. - -'Fow uWu wo, his passion, xDD but an awt of cwaft, -Even thewe OwO wesowved my weason into teaws; -*cries* Thewe my *looks away* white s-stowe of chastity I daffed, -Shook off my sobew guawds and civiw feaws; -A-Appeaw to him as he to me appeaws, -Aww m-mewting; *sighs* though o-ouw *sighs* dwops this diff'wence bowe: -His poisonyed me, and minye did him westowe. - -'In him a :3 pwenyitude of subtwe mattew, -Appwied to cautews, aww stwange >_< fowms weceives, -Of buwnying ^w^ bwushes *blushes* ow of weeping watew, -Ow swoonying pawenyess; and he takes and weaves, -In eithew's aptnyess, as *moans* it best deceives, -To bwush at speeches wank, to weep at woes, -Ow to tuwn *looks away* white and swoon at twagic *pokes you* shows; - -*sighs* 'That nyot a heawt which in his wevew came -*shuffles closer* Couwd scape the ;;w;; haiw of his aww-huwting aim, -S-Showing *looks at you* faiw nyatuwe is b-both k-kind and tame; -And, *moans* veiwed in them, did win whom he ^.^ wouwd m-maim. -Against the thing he sought he ^.^ wouwd uWu excwaim; -When he most buwnyed in heawt-wished wuxuwy, -He pweached puwe maid and pwaised cowd chastity. - -'Thus *looks at you* mewewy *pokes you* with the gawment of a Gwace -The nyaked and >_< conceawed fiend he covewed, -*teleports behind you* That th' u-unyexpewient gave the t-temptew pwace, -Which, wike a chewubin, a-above them h-hovewed. -*leans over* Who, young and simpwe, ^.^ wouwd nyot be so l-wovewed? -*looks at you* Ay me, I *giggles shyly* feww, and yet do question make -What I shouwd do ;;w;; again fow such a sake. - -'O, *sweats* that *twerks* infected moistuwe of his eye, -O, *sweats* that f-fawse fiwe which in his cheek so gwowed, -O, *sweats* that fowced thundew fwom his heawt did fwy, -O, *sweats* that sad >_< bweath his s-spongy wungs bestowed, -O, aww *sweats* that bowwowed UwU motion, seeming owed, -Wouwd yet ;;w;; again betway the fowe-betwayed, -And nyew p-pewvewt a UwU weconciwed maid.' - -THE END - - - -<> - - - -End of this Etext of The Compwete Wowks of Wiwwiam Shakespeawe - - - diff --git a/src/lib.rs b/src/lib.rs index 099060d..ed04447 100644 --- a/src/lib.rs +++ b/src/lib.rs @@ -150,57 +150,51 @@ impl<'a> UwUify<'a> { } fn uwuify_sentence(&self, text: &str, out: &mut T) -> Result<(), std::io::Error> { - text.as_bytes() - .split(|w| matches!(*w, b'\t' | b'\x0C' | b'\r' | b' ')) - .scan([].as_ref(), |scan, i| { - let ret = i != &[b' ']; - *scan = i; - if ret { - Some(i) - } else { - None - } - }) - .try_for_each(|word| { - let mut seeder = UwUSeeder::new(word, self.random); - let random_value = seeder.random(); - - if random_value <= self.faces { - out.write_all(FACES[seeder.random_int(0..FACES_SIZE)])?; - out.write_all(b" ")?; - } else if random_value <= self.actions { - out.write_all(ACTIONS[seeder.random_int(0..ACTIONS_SIZE)])?; - out.write_all(b" ")?; - } else if random_value <= self.stutters { - (0..seeder.random_int(1..2)).into_iter().try_for_each(|_| { - out.write_all(&[word[0]])?; - out.write_all(b"-") - })?; - } - - if self - .linkify - .links(unsafe { std::str::from_utf8_unchecked(word) }) - .count() - > 0 - || random_value > self.words - { - out.write_all(word)?; - } else { - (0..word.len()).try_for_each(|index| match word[index] { - b'L' | b'R' => out.write_all(b"W"), - b'l' | b'r' => out.write_all(b"w"), - b'E' | b'e' | b'A' | b'I' | b'O' | b'U' | b'a' | b'i' | b'o' | b'u' => { - match word.get(index - 1).unwrap_or(&word[0]) { - b'N' | b'n' => out.write_all(&[b'y', word[index]]), - _ => out.write_all(&[word[index]]), + text.lines().try_for_each(|line| { + line.split_whitespace() + .map(|f| f.as_bytes()) + .try_for_each(|word| { + let mut seeder = UwUSeeder::new(word, self.random); + let random_value = seeder.random(); + + if random_value <= self.faces { + out.write_all(FACES[seeder.random_int(0..FACES_SIZE)])?; + out.write_all(b" ")?; + } else if random_value <= self.actions { + out.write_all(ACTIONS[seeder.random_int(0..ACTIONS_SIZE)])?; + out.write_all(b" ")?; + } else if random_value <= self.stutters { + (0..seeder.random_int(1..2)).into_iter().try_for_each(|_| { + out.write_all(&[word[0]])?; + out.write_all(b"-") + })?; + } + + if self + .linkify + .links(unsafe { std::str::from_utf8_unchecked(word) }) + .count() + > 0 + || random_value > self.words + { + out.write_all(word)?; + } else { + (0..word.len()).try_for_each(|index| match word[index] { + b'L' | b'R' => out.write_all(b"W"), + b'l' | b'r' => out.write_all(b"w"), + b'E' | b'e' | b'A' | b'I' | b'O' | b'U' | b'a' | b'i' | b'o' | b'u' => { + match word.get(index - 1).unwrap_or(&word[0]) { + b'N' | b'n' => out.write_all(&[b'y', word[index]]), + _ => out.write_all(&[word[index]]), + } } - } - _ => out.write_all(&[word[index]]), - })?; - } - out.write_all(b" ") - }) + _ => out.write_all(&[word[index]]), + })?; + } + out.write_all(b" ") + })?; + out.write_all(b"\n") + }) } }